Author Cows General
Gather round, reader and/or writer anons, as we discuss the biggest cows in our community.
tumblr (of course): http://cassandraclare.tumblr.com/
wikipedia: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cassandra_Clare - I notice any mention of her plagiarism isn't there anymore, and her bio has been scrubbed clean. I bet this article has an interesting edit history. She also credits herself as writing Harry Potter fanfiction, fucking lmfao. 10/10 She is thirsty for recognition.
Credit to Farms user Oasys for the description because it's too good:
"Cassandra Clare, 43, born Judith Rumelt and now fondly referred to by her detractors as Casserole Clam, is best known for writing a teen fantasy novel series called The Mortal Instruments. The first book was written in 2007, and since then she’s written 14 fucking books in the same universe and nothing else. They got made into a really unpopular flop of a movie in 2013, and then became an ABC Family show (called Shadowhunters) in 2016. However, Clare is best known as a plagiarist, cyberbully, predator, and ogre.
This part is why I'd say she's a Lolcow rather than just a regular shitty person.
Although most of her drama is in the past, Casserole still chimps out all the time. And now that season 2 of the Shadowhunters show is about to begin, more is to be expected.
First off, she is a huge bully. Here is one account of her bullying (there are numerous). Some of the behaviors mentioned:
Obsessive wiki editing.
Using lawyers to threaten people into deleting stuff.
Using people’s IPs to call them and threaten them, or having the police threaten them.
Getting people to gang up/turn on her enemies.
Saying “Tell her that her parents should have aborted her.”
Calling someone’s university police to try and get them expelled during their exams.
And lately there’s:
Sending fans to attack the Shadowhunters writers and try to get them fired. (link deleted)
What’s frustrating is that despite dissing the show, she’s more than happy to pretend to like and support it when a) it’s getting publicity or b) presents an opportunity to promote her new books. Despite barely being involved with the show’s creation, she always shows up at conventions and other appearances with the cast. After having called the show shite again and again.
Clare in 2014, pre-TV series: "I won’t answer questions about the gay characters’ sex lives because that is homophobic. They are not a fetish."
Clare in 2016, when the gays become the hottest TV couple: "I’m writing porn of their “first time”! (And monetizing it… For charity?)"
Here’s some other miscellaneous grievances people have with Clare:
Used her fans to raise somewhere between $2-$10k for a laptop, upsetting peers with legitimate needs i.e. cancer treatment.
Profited off her plagiarism, i.e. attempting to sell bootleg LoTR fanfic merchandise.
Has a nasty incest fetish. Oh shit, did I not mention that those two main characters are siblings? She retcons it in book 2 or 3, but that didn’t stop the movie and show from having some steamy brother/sister makeouts.
Spoiler: from one of her HP smut fics
Abusive relationship fetish. i.e. a black female character gets back together with her white male abuser. Tumblr loved that one.
Yaoi fetish. Wants Aragorn and Legolas to fuck.
Sucks at writing.
The main character is a self insert and it’s dumb. Clary = Clare, both are “gorgeous” redheads. Clary’s best friend/kinda boyfriend is a Jew named Simon Lewis, and Clare’s husband is a Jew named Josh Lewis.
The way she writes female characters indicates clear spitefulness towards attractive and sexually confident women.
Fat and ugly." /end Oasys
For extra keks, I found a website of 78 inspirational Cassandra Clare quotes: https://quotesurf.com/cassandra-clare-quotes
(You'll notice all of them are bland and tripe as can be. My favorite is: "Only the weak-minded refuse to be influenced by literature and poetry". Poetry is literature, you dumb cunt. This quote is so delectable considering her affinity for stealing sentences, jokes, names, and ideas from successful books, shows, and movies. Her favorites seem to be lifting jokes from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and Blackadder. It wouldn't surprise me if she changed the punchlines but kept the format in her officially published books. When the fans caught onto her plagiarism in her fanfiction works, Clare said she did it intentionally, to see if how many Buffy/Blackadder fans would pick up on it. Sad, considering some liked her fanfiction so much because of the laugh-out-loud jokes.
She's finally being sued for plagirism: https://www.theguardian.com/books/2016/feb/10/sherrilyn-kenyon-sues-cassandra-clare-for-wilfully-copying-her-novels
"According to the lawsuit, Kenyon “was alerted by some of her distressed fans” in 2006 about Clare’s planned publication “of a work that incorporated [Kenyon’s] Dark-Hunter Marks”. Kenyon asked for the Dark-Hunter references to be removed, the lawsuit says, and Clare did so, replacing it with the term “shadowhunter”. But according to Kenyon, despite assurances that use of the shadowhunter term would not be expanded, “[Clare] has persisted over time in expanding her use of the term ‘shadowhunters’ from a mere description of her protagonists, first to a tag line on the cover of her works and eventually to a complete rebranding of her works so as to be confusingly similar to the Dark-Hunter Series”."
twitter: https://twitter.com/rockanrollgypsy (still claims her book is a usatoday bestseller even though that's been debunked)
books: published by GeekNation Press, which looks like its owned by an actor-producer duo…actually now that I'm looking into this, there is some weird stuff going on with the people behind the Handbook for Mortals. It seems the book is a pet project of some d-list actors, like Clare Kramer (who owns GeekNation Press), and Thomas Ian Nicholas: "As part of the franchise deal, actor Thomas Ian Nicholas — best known for his work in the American Pie franchise and Rookie of the Year — will produce and likely take a role. Also producing will be Sarem and Chris Kenner, who has served as a longtime executive producer to iconic magician David Copperfield." Seems like the book was printed with the movie adaptation in mind. Clare Kramer was in Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and TI Nicholas was in American Pie.
>"Expected to launch a franchise with TI Nicholas producing." https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/geeknation-launches-book-publishing-arm-partners-lani-sarem-ya-series-handbook-mortals-1024909
>Her book, Handbook for Mortals, was manipulated onto the New York Times bestseller list in 2017: https://www.theguardian.com/books/2017/aug/25/handbook-for-mortals-by-lani-sarem-pulled-from-nyt-bestsellers-list
>Sarem commented, saying the NYT were being unfair, and that people were "jealous" of her success
“My personal opinion: I’m a first time author; I did some great numbers,” Sarem told THR in the aftermath. “[The Times] put me on the list. The list is curated. They didn’t have to put me on the list despite how many books I sold. When these people made a big issue, they were like, ‘This is too much effort.'”
>Lani Sarem herself seems to have had some minor roles in some pretty big movies, like the Jason Bourne (2016), and Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 (credited as Hotel Guest). She's been acting since at least 2002, and she's never had a name credit, only shit like Girlfriend #3, Audience Member, Show Patron.
There's definitely some shady shit going on with Sarem and the crew behind the book. Looks like a labor of love of some Hollywood has-beens who thought they could make a comeback by owning a bestselling YA book, and making a franchise out of it. Here's a video of Sarem and TI Nicholas at a convention, talking about the book. It has 87 views and it's three months old: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oZBda_oCA4c
Gloria Tesch/the Tesches
books: self-published/vanity press belongs to Daddy
>The creme de la creme of bad authors, Gloria Tesch, prompted by Mommy and Daddy Tesch (Russian and German immigrants, respectively), wrote a series of Young Adult fantasy books titled Maradonia And…(The Seven Bridges, The Shadow Empire, Gold of Ophir, etc.), and sockpuppeted her way into internet fame/infamy as the "Youngest Author of All Time"
>The books are rife with stolen biblical imagery, horrible grammar and
>SwankIvy on the Tesch's scammy promotional tactics: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dEVX_L6Zsfg
>Daddy Tesch is a religious scam artist with a lot to hide, apparently. He's a failed musician, did some fraudulent shit with funding a movie, also claimed Maradonia was getting turned into a blockbuster and theme park.
>Around age 19, Gloria dropped writing to pursue a music career as Goldilocks
>made a hilariously bad music video (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FXlUwCFo7VI) in which she showed a picture of one of her biggest critics, SwankIvy, as she trashed her. Might be some other music video, I can't be arsed to comb through this Guantanamo Bay audio torture.
>Maradonia movie finally came out in 2016, it's the best worst movie of all time
>Watch the movie on youtube (it's unlisted but mama gotchu): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o8Q0BZsZ8ns&feature=youtu.be
>Link to Rorschach's complete and glorious review of the movie: http://conjugalfelicity.com/maradonia-the-shadow-empire/
>currently married to a turkish hustler and spending her days shilling cheap mermaid crowns (etsy link is dead)
books: self-published/vanity press belongs to him
twitter: https://twitter.com/robertstanek (claims he gave away one millions books, hashtag inspiration)
amazon author page: https://www.amazon.com/Robert-Stanek/e/B001K8IESG
forum full of sockpuppets where he spent years just him talking to himself: http://ruinmist.proboards.com/
Creepy as shit. No activity since 2012.
>has a habit of beetlejuicing when his name is mentioned
>From Conjugal Felicity's site http://conjugalfelicity.com/robert-stanek/ :
Who is Robert Stanek? He is an award-winning, internationally bestselling author of over 100 books for young children and adults. His book, The Kingdoms and the Elves of the Reaches, is a “#1 Fiction Bestseller” and a “Top 50 All Time Bestseller”. The companion novel, Keeper Martin’s Tale, was the #1 Fantasy of the Year in 2002, spent 26 weeks on Amazon’s SciFi Top 50, and was “Voted Top 10 Fantasy 2004”.
Or so he would have you believe. Actually, Robert Stanek is a self-published author. As far as I can tell, his books have never appeared on any bestseller lists, he has never won any kind of literary award, and almost all of his business comes from him creating hundreds of sockpuppet accounts on Amazon.com and elsewhere, and using these accounts to give his books glowing five-star reviews and trick people into buying them.
>wrote about a reviewer: "In prison, people like him get shanked"
>Discussion on Stanek in a Game of Thrones forum, aptly titled "Robert Stanek shat directly into my soul": http://asoiaf.westeros.org/index.php?/topic/42588-robert-stanek-shat-directly-into-my-soul/&page=5
Onision and his books:
books: self-published via amazon kindle
A very special place in my heart is reserved for Onision's reeing over bad reviews of his books. Onision has self-published two complete books - Stones To Abbigale (March 29th, 2015), and This Is Why I Hate You (September 11th, 2015 - oh, you edgelord, you!). His third books, Reaper's Creek, is currently being written and published chapter-by-chapter on his Patreon.
Onision's narcissistic rage as he reads bad reviews of Stones To Abbigale, whilst wearing a particularly fugly shirt: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MrSXBGSqX4k
Stones To Abbigale: https://www.amazon.com/Stones-Abbigale-Onision/dp/0692418636
This Is Why I Hate You: https://www.amazon.com/This-Why-I-Hate-You/dp/0692507590
Reaper's Creek (link to chapters are being updated as he publishes them): http://onisiondrama.tumblr.com/post/171019149326
I cannot recommend GINES READS ONISION enough. Gines is a trooper. An outspoken Onision critic for almost a decade, and a small youtuber, she went through every Onision's book chapter by chapter, and she's a pleasure to listen as she tears him to shreds.
Gines Reads Stones to Abbigale playlist: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zoiIZHS9Dg4&list=PLxw9nhE747P-mD_vfQlLCpJX-_YWnCoAm
Gines Reads This Is Why I Hate You playlist: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WPxyAuISqXs&list=PLxw9nhE747P-Yb1BvUz_awycr7FgDHc3Z
Gines Reads Reaper's Creek: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cMAnRT43woE
Bonus 3.5-hour Onision bashing by Gines and Stevie (someguy827): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4bM9p3XFkOs
Some of you might be familiar with someguy827 and dislike him, which is totally reasonable, but the discussion on Onision's writing and writing in general was interesting. He's since deleted/purged his channel, but Gines's version is still up on her channel.
These are just some folks to tickle your fancy. Hopefully we can have a strong thread going, finally.