Luna Slater & Matthew Schumacher #42 - “Big Girl, Big Things” Edition
1205 replies
DO NOT COWTIP, THE COW DOES A PERFECTLY GOOD JOB OF MILKING ITSELF
Previous Thread: >>887951
Image Credit: >>889686
The Basics:
>Luna is a 26 year old “sober” heroin addict, scammer, liar, thief, and on/off “sex worker”
>Claims to have overdosed 5+ times
>Begs people for money online to buy drugs under the guise of it being for food/medication/rent/necessities
>Refuses to get a job or do anything productive besides make shitty art and write cringeworthy “poetry”
>Has every self-diagnosed mental/physical illness under the sun; the most noteworthy illnesses include BPD and an elusive eating disorder
>Started dating her (now) 43 year old “fiancé” Matthew (also known as Lurch) before she turned 18, calls him “daddy”; they’ve now been together for 8 years and he clearly has no intention of marrying her
>Romanticises the hell out of her addiction but spergs on the internet how vile it is to do so
>Loves to share her grimy life with all and sundry, including awful photos of her (now dead) cats laying in filth and used needles, unwashed clothes, layers of dirt and mystery stains on every surface of her home, et cetera
>Constantly buys cheap garbage on Amazon with her dad’s credit card while complaining about being penniless
Historical Milk:
>Squandered a 50k dollar inheritance from her grandmother within the space of a year, claims it went on rent and bills when in reality she spent it on drugs and fuck knows what other useless shit
>Claims her mother “stole” her inheritance money from her (she possibly used the inheritance to pay her mother’s rent and considers that “stealing”)
>Exploited Roger (Lurch’s dying dad) by squatting in his apartment, stealing his belongings and leeching off his social security until he died. They were soon evicted because they couldn’t pay rent
>Luna and Lurch then move in with her ex-addict mother in her one-bedroom government poverty home, which ultimately drove her mother to relapse and go to inpatient
>Ebil dad’s apartment caught on fire, Luna took the opportunity to garner more uwu points by spreading ashes on her face
Sex Worker Saga:
>Embarked on a “sex work” career, taking filthy nudes and videos and selling them through twitter for drug money, looking more and more like an actual corpse in every photo
>Sells premade videos, one is called PEE DRINK >>730829
>One anon leaks a “commission” video where Luna calls her dad and says she’s got a stable job, then takes her dress off and masturbates for the camera. Her dad sounds supportive and happy for her as she uses him to get someone else’s humiliation fetish rocks off, one of her lowest points to date >>758647
>SEX WORK CAREER IS OVER >>760386
>“Online acquaintance” of Luna’s turns up after being sent the dad video, insinuates Luna has sold videos of her shooting up in her legs via her sex work twitter account >>761016
>Shares screencap, looks like necrosis waiting to happen >>761037
>Returns to sex work >>805775 , >>810203
>A year later, anon drops “Lurch gyrating Luna’s ass” and “full intercourse” videos that they bought but didn’t leak at the time >>811491 , >>811554
Eviction/Sobriety Saga:
>LUNA AND LURCH ARE GETTING EVICTED >>802600 , >>810637
>Luna uploads a video where her and Lurch yell at a social worker >>811724
>Electricity gets disconnected and Luna continues to refer to the owner of the apartment as her “landlord” despite admitting on Facebook that they’re not there legally >>813209 , >>813354
>EVIL TOXIC MUM arc turns into THE MHA GASLIT MY MUM, A MENTALLY ILL WOMAN arc >>813340
>The apartment door lock breaks, Luna and Lurch build sad little barricades (the most notable being the busted pink gaming chair, RIP, gone too soon) >>816475 , >>815981
>The cops pay them a visit and find drugs, drug paraphernalia and a knife >>813338
>Charges are filed against Lurch >>819990 , >>822424 , >>824442
>As a result, Lurch now has to submit drug tests on the regular, and Luna allegedly actually detoxes from heroin (while still using methadone and/or weed, other opiates and/or benzos) >>821718 , >>822657 , >>823499 , >>823823 , >>824260
>Luna keeps claiming to be sober despite still taking fucking Xanax >>824858 , >>825465 , >>827008 , >>825462
>”Abusive” dad relapses and is allegedly “dying” >>825466 , >>825993 , >>826190
>Meanwhile, Luna says it’s a “slap in the face” that her mother dares to be high around her >>826257
>Freaks out incessantly on Reddit about her and Lurch’s stimulus checks as it’s clearly their own income
>Luna and Lurch are attacked by their neighbour’s pitbulls (totally not while stealing or anything) >>831109
Assault Saga:
>Luna claims to have been raped by a stranger in her building, anons bicker over whether she’s telling the truth or not >>840784 , >>840941
>Reports the rape to the police who take the allegation seriously >>841832
>Police then pivot to not entirely believing her rape story, suspect her of submitting a falsified statement >>843957
>Luna gets admitted to the psych ward, calls it the “worst day of her life” but doesn’t explain why, still manages to post unsettling selfies featuring EKG stickers >>846413 , >>846458
>One theory is that she lost her shit when she took all of her Klonopin and the doctor wouldn’t give her more >>847120
Recent Milk:
>Instead of applying for jobs, the skincare kween continues to pass the time with flagrant sheet mask abuse >>888037
>Calls MC Sledgehammer a “slum lord” and claims she has a lawyer looking into taking action against him (topkek, sure Tuna) >>888098
>Contractfag-chan does some contractfagging and establishes that Senor Sledge is well within his rights to kick the gruesome twosome out for breaking the rules >>888106
>Tuna claims she’s going to ruin Sledgehammer-sama’s reputation, he must be shaking in his boots >>888125
>Some amazing art from a talented nonita >>888157
>More porky pies about the plumbing issue at Sledgehammer-Samar’s abode (we know you don’t take showers, Tuna) >>888232
>More threats and slander, calls Senor Sledge a “wannabe real estate agent” when that’s literally what he does for a living >>888259
>After Luna claims that “everyone” in the Airbnb was being kicked out, Sledgehammer-sama brings in five new people, once again demonstrating how bad she is at lying >>888291
>Tuna alleges that Senor Sledge won’t talk to her and treats his girlfriend badly, implying he is a misogynist (LORD imagine the milk if he sued her for defamation) >>888319
>Then she claims he knew about the plumbing issues prior to her moving in, this retard really cannot keep up with her own tall tales >>888388
>Woe is me, Lurch is off to meet with “a lady who is our only hope”, cue speculation as to whether she is a former girlfriend, side piece, customer, et al >>888511
>May have found a place to stay, reminds us all how great her skin is, just in case anyone had forgotten >>888610
>Pity posting about how other people are so privileged other people are, being rich and having everything handed to them while she is an eternal victim of a cruel and unjust world HEY SIRI, WHAT IS SELF-AWARENESS? >>888611
>Thanks to a cowtipper Tuna deletes some of the pity posts, while also claiming that she never inherited a house like we’ve all accepted as part of her lore. She also claims she “only” inherited 50k, you know, the amount most people have on small change down the back of the couch, and spent it all on rent and bills (interesting way to spell “drugs”, Tuna) >>888628
>In an astonishing feat of spasticity, Tuna manages to fuck up an Airbnb booking by not realising that you can change the dates without cancelling the whole thing, freaks out about it on Reddit, all the posts get deleted by the sub mods >>888778
>Yes Tuna, it’s definitely because you are cursed and not at all because you’re a fucking retard >>888795
>Has found a “gorgeous” new place, Senor Sledge is making her life “hell” and it’s not her fault because NOTHING is ever her fault >>888886
>Anon shares a screenshot of DMs with Luna, apparently “Mattjew” is going to squat at Sledgehammer-sama’s until he is given a refund and they have savings from when he got bitten by the neighbour’s shitbulls (yet another inventive way of saying “drugs”) >>888937
>Lurch posts about his father having “a relaxing touch”, I don’t even know where to start with that one, brainlet.jpeg >>889000
>Hey nonitas, did Tuna ever tell you that she loves her skin? >>889053
>The disgusting duo finally leaves MC Sledgehammer’s premises >>889084
>More cringeworthy sharpie art. NO HOME FOR YOU! >>889104
>Nona finds the Marriott where Tuna is staying before moving into the new place >>889142
>The cheapest room is $199 per night, ebil dad is obviously footing the bill >>889146
>Based Sledgehammer-sama re-lists their room, proving that there wasn’t an issue with the house, he just wanted them out >>889318
>Newfag claims they were a “neighbour” of Tuna and Lurch at the House of Sledge, doesn’t post proof, anons are divided on whether this is legit milk or bullshit >>889375
>Newfag neighbour claims they stunk like shit, admitted to breaking the rules and left peacefully >>889390
>Also claims Senor Sledge knew all about them and the thread >>889393
>Apparently he was “sent things” about them and told the other residents which led to them googling the gruesome twosome >>889406
>Supposedly it was the squatting that pisses Senor Sledge off the most, plus their room “smelled like ass” >>889450
>After aeons of fakeboi notice-me-senpaing at Tuna, she finally gets acknowledged >>889503
>Nonas notice that there’s been no sign of Lurch since Luna arrived at the hotel, cue tinfoiling about him ditching her >>889615
>While awaiting the next chapter in the Airbnb saga, anon shares an ancient video of Tuna participating in a mentorship program, seemingly confirming that she is an actual sped as demonstrated by her inability to form a single coherent sentence >>889666
>Once a greasy, hulking, hot mess, always a greasy, hulking, hot mess >>889684
>TUNANATOR CRUSH VILLAGE >>889857
>Finally makes it to the new abode, promptly posts pictures of the nice garden that is wasted on a scumbag like her, replete with pot plants >>889892
>Cosy looking Ugg sheets, perfect for New York in the summer and someone who never bathed >>889917
>Still trying to sell grimy ass nudes >>890153
>The sentient Junji Ito drawing finally makes an appearance at the wookhouse playing photographer for his muse >>890231
>Place your bets on how long it will take this arrangement to go tits up (inb4 Tuna tries to steal the other cat that lives in the house) >>890237
>Luna posts a hilarious selfie with Lurch featuring a makeup filter that makes him look like troon >>890272
>MERRY MILKMAS! Weaponised autism leads to the unearthing of their current Airbnb listing >>890338
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