Has any farmer here been a victim of an online child predator? 476 posts and 29 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.
I've been in a LDR with my abuser for over 4 years. It started when I was 13 (we met when a month before my birthday) and ended when I was 18. He was 17 and a colleague of my father from an online game that he played.
Because of the relationship, my depression worsened, I have developed PTSD and a cluster of identity and self-esteem issues. Throughout the relationship, I acted like textbook BPD case.
Even though he is nothing but a blurred memory now (I am 26), he still affects me. Recently I started having the recurring dreams about him coming back into my life to snatch me into his reality. In those dreams, I am exactic about him coming back and heartbroken cause I have to break up with my bf for him (which I would never do, I want to be together forever with him). Every time I wake up confused and disgusted.
I read some memoirs of victims of child sexual abuse to feel less alone, however I feel guilty for relating to them - after all, their experiences were so much worse, being physical for the start. Sometimes I think I am some Soren-type freak, appropriating other people's nightmares to feel better. But there are no resources for people who went through that and deal with the fallout, only for parents concerned about their child and potential victims.
It makes me feel even worse that I got destroyed by something that so many people would laugh at as not being real (not for a lack of trying, though - it went as far as him traveling from the other side of the country to the city I lived near and me bailing on him as he was getting on the train to my village. As much as I have worshipped him, I knew that he would rape, kidnap me or worse had we met). I have never since experienced such an intense relationship. It was so much more than a sum of it's parts. As an adult, I know that it was shit, that he manipulated me and that we had nothing to talk about, to be honest. But when I was going through it, he was my God, my life, just everything. We had our secret world just for the two of us. I loved him so damn much I thought if I ever lost him, my life would end. I wished that it truly did for so many uears, as I have outlived my usefulness.
I am not even touching the tip of the iceberg here… I feel like only people who went through something similar can understand me.
then i was groomed i guess
i was always convinced otherwise because he defended pedophilia and was some nihilist freak
we met on 4chan loli threads …not even kidding i was like 14…15?
i actually need help so bad and i dont think ill ever get over it, my perception of the world is ruined and since i was young i fetishized the relationship to cope with staying with him and eventualyl i started liking it because it was still attention, it pains me so much thats over and i cant think of any relationship normally now nor do i want one
its like my childhood was robbed off of me and i remember being so fucking scared of turning 18 because i felt like my innocence was robbed and before that i was just a normal kid who enjoyed doing kid stuff, i wish i could repeat it so bad