This is kind of a dead thread but I just really feel like venting/blog posting about this in particular.
I thought I handled being autistic exceptionally well. I felt relief after a diagnosis (in adulthood), as it was justification/explanation for why I did the things I did and was the was the way I was. I admit it became sort of a tumblr mentality for me, I didn't understand the extent to which my autism effected me and would continue to effect me. It's not like people talk about the aspects discussed ITT a whole lot. I told my friends (online and built from special interests, so talking to them wasn't a problem most of the time. Though with the way I can react to things, ie. breakdowns/small tantrums and isolating myself, there have been some problems here and there) about it, mostly because of the relief, but also because I like to be as straight forward in communicating as I possibly can be with people to avoid misconstruing situations and conversation. Mostly, it was in the context of "I need you to be honest with me and say things as bluntly as possible to me when you feel this way because I won't understand passive aggressiveness" whenever their passive aggression about something I did would manifest into an actual fight. I now regret telling them, I wish I could hide it from everyone, it's the most embarrassing thing.
I guess I just never attributed a lot of the really shitty aspects of myself/my life to it. Always to other things, things I hoped I could change. Like my depression, for instance. But the inability to finish education, or to even leave my house because of the embarrassment and fear I feel, or the inability to even make conversations as simple as greeting someone or thanking them without feeling awkward or misplaced, or being a NEET (now trying to finish adult high school online) who is incredibly reliant on my mom, or being distant from family and never caring that much about it because I never thought I was supposed to care, or pretty much any of the other things talked about ITT. Now I feel like I'm just destined to be a shitty person because of something I could never help. Even if I try really really hard with people, to be interested for them or show empathy, or even try in a career or even finish the education I feel I'm required to do to be a contributing member of society (which I feel I will never be), it will be fake. Masking, coping. So either I live a life of NEETdom and isolation from society which I dPost too long. Click here to view the full text.