just got into a fight with my sister and cut myself again
she was saying some nasty threatening shit that really reminded me of our abusive
i freaked out, i broke a glass, and i managed to take a pretty bad slice to my forearm. i feel like shit right now, i'm shaking, i'm angry, i want to die
she's been so disgusting and hateful and cruel and bitchy and demanding me to follow her whims 100% and i am honestly disgusted by how angry she makes me, because just a week ago we weren't in this position, my sister is a terrible control freak who reminds me of our mohter when she's in moods like this and then insists that her caustic and cruel words towards me and demands for me are out of "love", no, it's not fucking love to make even your older sister feel like a piece of shit who hates herself, and if you understood in the slightest what i'm going through, then you wouldn't do this. if her words didn't have such a sharp, nasty edge to them, if she tried to be nicer to others and not use a constantly bratty tone, then perhaps, perhaps i wouldnt hate her as much as i do. as it stands she's been so rude to me lately despite not being around enough that i finally cracked, she broke me
i hate my family so much, my dad is dismissive or downright nasty when he gets angry, my mother was abusive
to me and my sister for 10+ years, my sister is an abrasive and angry control freak bitch who treats everyone like they should bow down to her, and i can't take it. i have no money and resources to move out and although i've been trying to get a new job it's failed and i have no motivation to continue after getting rejected multiple times, my currnet job makes me nowhere near enough money to live on my own
these people only care about me when i break down otherwise my family couldn't give less of a shit if i fucking died right in front of them, they'd bury me and move on with their lives. i'm going to try and do something to take off the edge now that my arm is bandaged up and it hurts like hell. i'm in immense emotional pain right now and i dont know who else to turn to. i have a session with my therapist tomorrow where i will explain my side of the story but my sister is already trying to defame me to my father and my therapist and i'm angry that she's trying to absolve herself of her blame when thPost too long. Click here to view the full text.