When I was a teen,no told myself I'd end it all before I hit 30 years old I things we're still bad. I have myself a timeline to bypass the cliche response of "oh, this pain is only temporary" or "if you tried getting help things would be better" or whatever. Here I am getting close to 30 and my life feels like it's progressed since then but I definitely fight against the same emotional struggles.
I want to go back to college but I'm too anxious of the thought of getting overworked by doing it part time with my full time job. I feel like I'm not the right person for my job either.
I kinda wish I didn't have an SO right now because it would make suicide much easier. St least that's one thing I have that my teen self would be surprised about considering I always thought I'd be alone….and I was up until 2 years ago….what a pathetic age to have a first relationship.
I feel like at this point I've experienced all that I really have to experience from life. Like…where do I go from here? Nothing interests me, nothing motivates me, I'm just walking forward because I'm currently living but I don't really want to live and have no destination I'm walking to…
No goals, no aspirations, no dreams (that are obtainable realistically anyway), no motivations,and no excitement. I feel like by this point if I don't like life, why bother continuing? Like, if you sit through a quarter of a long book and still don't like it, why the fuck would you keep reading? By that point you've already read enough to get a good feel of what to expect from the rest of the book, and given it more than a fair chance to impress you, and if it hadn't by that point then I think most of us would put it down I guess the difference is that we always have other books to try to entice us, but imagine you didn't. You get to see everyone else with much more interesting books in their hands, and you're stuck with your crummy one. They want to read their stories to the end, because they're exciting and fun. You have no choice but to read your shitty book, and if you throw it out you'll never have another book again….but is it worth it putting up with the shitty book? I'd rather have no book at all. I should end this story soon. Before anyone asks - yup I've seeked professional help. That's what makes it more enticing to just end things. I feel like by this point, I have a right to say "I've tried everything I could and life still sucks. Post too long. Click here to view the full text.