It sounds like not having friends causes you to feel a lot of shame and pain but please know that it's not inherently shameful. Also, you're not pathetic, you just seem lost which just happens to a lot of people. I don't know what causes you to put yourself down like that but you're fine, okay? You seem to have some demons and try really hard, too hard to please your parents and/or some figment of really fixed, unforgiving, harsh expectations. I'm sure there are reasons for this but fuck
your social life doesn't affect them and concern them this
much. You're more concerned with their opinion of you or their reaction than your own well-being. That's a red flag.
If it's a two hour drive and you're gonna feel trapped staying the night, don't go. Thank your old friend for the invitation and tell her you can't make it. Maybe even go as far as explaining why. These are just ideas and recommondations. You could say: I'd love to come and thank you so much for the invitation, it really means a lot but staying at an unfamiliar place all night would be very stressful and hard for me at the moment. I thought long and hard about it but I find it's best for me to skip this time. But I was really happy about your invitation. Or just say that sadly you can't make it but that you really tried (because you did) and that it means a lot. Or something in a similar vein if that helps.
It's healthy to wish for friendships and for improvement of struggles. But beating yourself up over it doesn't help. That's not healthy and most importantly, you don't deserve it! You deserve to be treated fairly with respect and patience and positivity.>>492943
pulling the sick card is perfectly fine and enough explanation. good call.
Even parental worrying can become overbearing and bad at some point even if the intent is well-meaning. Should your parents put you down about it or tease you or be overly disappointed in you and make you feel guilty, please view their behavior more critically.
Don't give up, I believe in you, anon.