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Previous thread: >>>/ot/586560
Discuss anything pertaining to Autism, Aspergers or ADHD/ADD experiences as a woman here.
Talk about the difficulty of diagnosis as a woman, the struggles with being compared to male autists. Or even discuss the recent uptick in autism diagnoses in online mental health communities like Tiktok.
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>recent uptick in autism diagnoses in online mental health communities like Tiktok
mfw i didnt even think it was possible for me to be an autismo until earlier this year and watching tiktok kids self-diagnose makes me feel like an attention-whoring faker. i flew under the radar during my entire childhood because of immigrant parents but i very clearly remember that it just fit way too well when i finally actually read into it properly, like someone typed out my entire life story in words. it was cathartic to discover that there was finally a legitimate reason for why the hell im like this but i also feel like its made me more insecure because i am now way more conscious of my dumb and weird mannerisms. oh well
Same anon. I related to a lot of the previous thread and recently got some documents from my elementary school days saying that I fit the profile of having asperger's, but nothing was ever pursued for some reason, so I just got the depression/anxiety diagnoses. I've struggled with being a functioning human being for so long and getting an actual diagnosis would be great to get the help I need but apparently it's difficult. Some of the places I was looking into had really limited testing methods that still favored male autism too.
The 'new school' autism that accounts for the differences in female behavior has been somewhat validating but I also feel like a super faker because it still feels like a reach to me.
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This is pseudo science imo, but the third set and fifth set is basically what her eyes look like to me. It just looks unsettling. Or is it not at all pseudo science? It’s not like I’m any better, since I have the first set. I’m a person with a lot of stress and anxiety.
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sometimes i wonder if i'm autistic or if i'm just a product of deffective rolemodels + childhood trauma + general sensitivity.
as i grow up and experience life, i've come to realize that my mom's behavior was not normal in the first place. she's always been prone to big outbursts, lots of nitpicking, very judgemental comments towards myself and high expectations for my own behavior. i started showing signs of mild anxiety early on but she'd always tell me i "used to be normal but became irrational" and that i wasn't anything like her. now i see that she's as much of an anxious mess as i used to be until recently.
she didn't really have friends and often dropped friendships after big fights and lots of drama and she'd always tell me that if someone wronged me even in the slightest, i should drop them. i thought it was just standing up for myself but now i see that telling a kid to cut off another kid for cancelling your sleepover is absolutely demented. her and my dad also cut off most of their family for good reasons so i was pretty isolated and without many examples of healthy socialization. my mom picked me up for lunch and immediately after school so i never really got to socialize beyond recess until highschool.
sorry for long post but i think you can see that i was starting off on the wrong foot.
i also got slightly bullied for being the weird weeb goth kid and it completely shut me off. i became bitter and believed that no one could ever be my friend beyond the few who somehow liked me already. mixed with my father's death which was really hard to deal with emotionnally with my mom freaking out all the time and my tiny child brain not being able to process it… i turned to the internet early and kept telling myself that only liking underground stuff and staying away from the normies was super cool and healthy, actually. tumblr also damaged my brain with all the SJW bullshit even if i'm completely healed from that now.
all these unhealthy behaviors took so long to undo and now i still struggle to interact with people and make new friends. maybe i'm autistic but maybe i was also set up to be like this. maybe a mix of both. anyway i'm not sure what a diagnosis would do for me since i don't sperg out or have meltdowns because of sensitivity issues. i tend to be obsessive about my interests but now i don't drop them nearly as quickly as i used to so i don't think it's an issue. it's mostly the social issues i'd like to completely disappear.
sorry for the novel nonnies i just can't admit to anyone i think i might have autism
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Does anyone else have an autism diagnosis but feel like their social skills are too good to qualify as autistic? I'm not amazing socially or anything but people in general seem to like me and I can read tone/body language/expressions OK. In fact I seem to be very much more aware of those things than most people and way more sensitive to other peoples' emotions than average also. I always wonder if my social anxiety was so severe it just made me get diagnosed as autistic (it was very severe and I could barely speak). But apart from social skills, I relate pretty heavily to being autistic. So I'm not sure.
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You're telling me meticulously curated and maintained dox of lolcows is probably the result of an autistic special interest?
I'm shocked I tell you.
I do kind of have a hard time with jokes if I'm not familiar with the person's style of humor. But it doesn't cause me issues since I can tell when someone is telling a joke and I laugh anyway. Tbh not sure if my good social skills are a result of being very friendly and laughing/smiling/nodding appropriately at the person regardless of my own feelings about the conversation. But do neurotypical people also do this and that's why their social skills are better too? Do autists lack this ability to do this appropriately? Idfk.>>1198622
I find it confusing because I relate heavily to things I would have thought neurotypical people can't relate to at all, like I stim a lot and have strong sensory issues. Like can you develop that shit just from being a loner? It just seems like the fundamental autism thing is social skills are mine are definitely passable.
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oh boy its prior auth time!
time for all my hard work developing routines and maintaining good habits to be destroyed by ? weeks without medication because the insurance company i pay thousands of dollars to every year is hoping that if they put enough hoops in front of me, maybe this time ill give up and let my whole life fall apart forever. lucky for me i am so stubborn that a doctor literally diagnosed me as obstinate and defiant once. plus this happens every fucking year so at least i know exactly what to do. i am on hold with doctors office to make sure theyve called the insurance company and then im gonna call the pharmacy every day for the next couple weeks until they have my stupid fucking pills.
id be grateful for the motivation to push through my social phobia and make phone calls i need to make, but not having stimulants triggers a cascade of bullshit that sucks just as much as crippling anxiety so its not much of a win. plus there are about four million equally super important things i need to do but im spending my energy on this, and im gonna reward myself by not putting any of that other shit on my to-do list for today. (not cuz im a spoony but cuz my habit is to reward myself for success by adding things to my to-do list. this is an excellent way to destroy motivation to do anything at all if youre looking for one for some reason.)
id welcome any pro-tips, like if theres a way to know exactly when the prior auth request will be coming, please share.
I use earbuds, nonny
. They don't have to be noise cancelling, just having earbuds in helps dampen noise. I also recommend getting noise cancelling headphones at some point for later though, because you might be in a situation later that they can be really helpful in (like blocking out people yelling or road noise, things like that).
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Honestly, I've always liked her. Finally feel represented in something. OP could have picked a better image though.
I like character Ashbie as a face of female autism since it's always seen as a moid problem, so it's nice to have something for once. But, the "original" owner who runs the Instagram I think is a tranny which is sad. When he dated that fakeboi, she posted a voice note and Ashbie sounded like a text to speech female bot or a man putting on a voice and trying so hard. I'm not trying to derail so I'll shut the fuck up but I know somethings off>>1199796
Artist I think is teyoid, they draw bastardised anime girls kek
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i can’t stand seeing attention hungry teenagers turning a neurodevelopmental disorder that makes daily life incredibly hard, to something they can get internet specialty points for. my social skills are pretty good for being autistic, yet in the recent year i have seen online autistic spaces rise the bar for what is ””high functioning”” constantly. it feels like what people consider being autistic is morphing more and more to just neurotypical, with a few quirks.
on the other side, i really am happy to see more autistic women and girls be able to get help, recognition and support.
I've had the same experiences anon. If it helps, I've found that the less I try to be social and look at social media of others being social, the less lonely I feel. The loneliness comes from not having friends but also from being constantly rejected. Looking at social media (which is fake anyway) is just like being rejected repeatedly.
Nowadays I only talk to my bf and listen to audiobooks and take part in online communities for socialization. Finding a good bf is difficult but worth it if you can. Look for an introvert.
After a while, you get used to being alone. It's also a relief not having to mask all the time. You learn to get emotional connections from media (favourite books, characters, etc) and from pets. It's not the same but being alone doesn't have to mean being lonely.
>>1200184>Looking at social media (which is fake anyway) is just like being rejected repeatedly.
you phrased it so well. thanks for the advice anon.
seeing social media interactions of normies is painful, because it does feel like rejection. their abundance of friends reminds me of my lack even though i don't crave a big friend group or very busy social life at all>im commenting to prove i am your friend>i compliment you to show you what good friend i am>i talk about our history together to strenghten our bond and reinforce it in the eyes of others
over and over i just can't imagine how often and what they talk about to be that close and supportive, and for what they need to show that off for. i can appreciate and support people in private. my online friendships are much easier to keep up and i am fine with not meeting them in real life. it can be too much. i will heed your advice actually. when i went off grid for a camp without internet i relaxed in nature, immersed myself in nice stories and worked on crafts. it was lovely. there is much fun to be had without people. and you are right. i don't have to participate in digital social facade.
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Godamn, I wish I had something to hyperfixate on like other autists. I just have don’t have any passion for a specific thing for me to sperg about like I used to when I was younger. That isn’t to say that I’m apathetic or anything, I still care about my friends, doing well in school etc and enjoy doing things, it’s just that nothing has ever been able to capture me in the the same way when I was younger, and I kind of hate it. I feel like an autist with generally better lateral thinking than vertical thinking as a result of this, which makes conversation more interesting and makes my social skills more adept. >>1198615
I literally thought that I passed as a normie for the most part and I think I still sort of do to most people, but recently a friend asked if I was autistic and said that she was able to clock that I was autistic because she worked with autists in the past. I don’t even know what exactly made her clock me as autistic, so I’m guessing it might have been stuff like facial expressions, hand gestures or just ‘vibes’. I don’t want to out myself as being autistic, but I wish I knew if people are able to perceive my autism, or what things make it noticeable
Yeah, I normally hate when people claim to be completely alone but have a bf (or close family) as I was like that for many years. But as the poster before me said, having a friend (especially a best female friend) and a bf will never be the same.
I'm not going to pretend having a bf is close to being a complete loner but only having a bf does have it's lonely aspects too, especially if you don't have close female relatives to take their place.
It's also helpful to not think of anyone you do talk with as a potential friend. They are just someone making small talk. If they want to be a friend, let them make all the effort.
I think autistic women sometimes struggle with telling polite conversation and potential friendships apart, which leads to rejection. NTs drop hints that they don't want to be friends and we miss all of them.
Basically just minimise the number of potential situations where you can be rejected and it will help a lot with loneliness.
>>1200214>I have some "normal" friends that I'm not overly close with and it's so hard for me not to out myself as a friendless loser lol.
I hated this when I did try to be social. It's not enough to be a good friend, it's like you have to come with references from other people too.
Maybe you can pretend to have a hobby you spend a lot of time doing? Like running or pottery or something and so you are "too busy" for lots of friends. NTs love being able to claim they are too busy for things.
No idea, I'm a sperg too. I've just put this together from experience and reading other autistic experiences. I wish there was a subreddit or something where autistic people could have NTs spell out what all their various hints are.
If I had to guess, I'd say not seeming very enthusiastic to meet up again? Not asking for phone numbers? Saying "we should do this again sometime
" which is meant as a polite goodbye and not actually an indication that they want to meet up. Unless they suggest something specific (that isn't them trying to use you) assume you're not going to be friends.
It's easiest just to let them make the effort and not try yourself to be honest.
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i done the first two and it resulted in having no friends, other than scrotes i hoped/thought were my friends, only to later realize, they talked to me for ulterior motives.
i keep making small talk with people and retreating after, until it turns into something better. i like making people laugh. i wanted to avoid social interactions completely but. i moved countries multiple times because i wanted to reinvent myself. i taught i could get rid of my awkwardness. and it helped get rid of that, but not the exhaustion i felt for faking my face, tone of voice and interest to everyone around me the whole day and sometimes even my own flatmates. i thought i was depressed for a long time because of not knowing it is spergshit. maybe it's both, i don't know.
getting to know new people regularly is my cope towards normaldom.>>1200214
same, their lives seems to entirely revolve around hanging out with others. i could not imagine doing that for just one day either, it sounds stressful as fuck. but if i don't also mention some friendshit they think i am a creep.
>any other anons take on personas to bear with situations?
i have a joking persona where i remember all of my funny stories and make myself upbeat and bubbly, and shortly leave after making people laugh. couple this with having weirdly colored hair and i get away with more weird behaviors because people don't expect me to be normal once seeing it.
Oh, I don't really care about appearing busy anymore, even though I did make up shit in the past when I was asked about my weekend or something. Nowadays I leave it up to implications , I won't cancel on someone just because of some kind of social flex. I like to have the image of a reserved person with a smaller friend group instead of like a yuppie social butterfly, while in reality at most I have professional relationships and only my parents to call if I need help.
The thing is that highly social people just think their experience is baseline, and they feel awkward when you don't pick up the "you THINK you're busy? listen to my life" game. They talk in a "you know how it is"-way and I just go "yeah, sure", but I know over time they can pick up that I don't have a lot going on.
>>1199767>find another autist like me
I'm trying to get with this autistic guy. It's difficult for both of us. You know how pinkpilled dating rules tells us we should never try to fix a man? Yeah that's hard when just the though of being hugged gives him crazy anxiety. We have so much work to do. As you mention, we both need a lot of alone time. I don't think any NT male would prefer it that way so maybe you should give autistic guys a chance. Being able to outright say ''hey I'm feeling super overwhelmed today and don't want to talk'' or being able to tell each other you'd like a couple of weeks of no contact without anyone getting hurt? It's heaven compared to trying to adjust to NT guys normie ways.
I feel like autistic couples have to work a lot together and show a looot of patience towards each others quirks. But I also feel like autistic men are the only moids who somewhat understand us. You're more likely to speak the same language.
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I will smile and laugh and make all the expected expressions but when people turn their backs and finally leave me alone my face just drops. All the muscles relax and I feel so much better. It's kinda alarming because I feel like a sociopath for lying to everyone but at the same time relieved I can stop acting. Life is so exhausting.
Okay so I just want some nonnie
opinions on this theory that i've had for a while. I look back on my school history and see clear and obvious signs of ADHD. Disruptive, talkative, argumentative with teachers particularly when bored, inconsistent work output dependant on whether I was personally interested in the topic, etc. Like I was mad for a while but times past and i've got over it but it seems like dyslexia is the first port of call, then from there other ND are screened for. That theory might just be on my head, or a regional thing (UKfag) but I'm wondering if anyone else has noticed this? Like I was otherwise "smart" and capable, but I couldn't revise for the life of me, and because i was seemingly "smart" teachers wouldn't believe that i didn't understand what the fuck revision even was. If anyone can relate I'd love to hear from you, slso for transparency, not diagnosed so take with that what you will.
Also i had a friend that i am sure looking back on was austistic. high achiever, sensitive, special interested in animals, particularly wolves. I swear women are perpetually screwed over and im sick. of. it.
Basically extreme, illogical emotional reactions that are very hard/impossible to calm. One example from my life is losing things, I HATE losing things but it's more than normal annoyance. If I lose something I will start to go into this weird emotional spiral where it feels like my life is out of control and I freak out and start yelling/sometimes hitting myself etc. It's weird and embarrassing but the best way I can describe it is having your emotions turned up to ten and on a hair trigger
all the time.
Because men are inherently autistic and very shallow, their friendships are easy but not worth as much especially if you're a woman because they only care about pussy or supporting other random men for most cases.
They also treat girls nicely because they think they can fuck or date you one day. Most of my male friends came out with their romantic feelings after tricking me for months.
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I need to find an irl hobby that aspie or at least nerdy, weird women gravitate towards. Nigel is nice and all but having no other social life is eating away at me. And I get along with nerdy scrotes but I've accepted I'll never be friends with them the way I could be with women. Been there done that honestly
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i can relate to a lot of those feelings, for whatever it is worth. virtual hug for you.
Of course, anon, we can be neighbours.>>1201131
Oh trust me I know, I've been on more accidental 'dates' than I can count because I was literally too autistic/disinterested to understand men thought they could score when I was just trying to be friends and hang out. What really disgusts me is now that I'm more confident and assertive and less concerned with trying to be conventionally attractive, most men my age or younger pretend like I don't exist if I try to talk to them. All my former male 'friends' are gone because either they were being creepy or they ditched me once they got girlfriends, and I don't care to make any more.
I guess that makes sense but it's weird for me. If I like something, I want to know more about it, such as where they got it. Unless their bar for liking things is lower so they compliment things they only like a little bit? Kind of weird but I guess neurotypicals seem to love showering each other in praise and compliments.
I suppose this is why neurotypicals have the cliche reply "oh, this old thing?" and then move on.
Why can't NTs be weird too? Am I not allowed to find anything weird? Fwiw I told my NT bf about the handwriting compliment and he thought it was weird too.
I can accept that perhaps I give compliments strangely (I've stopped doing it because of this) but automatically assuming an ND person must be the weird one in all situations when paired with an NT is just depressing.
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I hate how zoomers think autism is just being quirky. Autism can come with severe intellectual disability where the person just screams all day. Coming from an Eastern shithole my parents have debated giving me up because I used to act like I was blind when things got overwhelming. I never got a diagnosis and don't think I need one because I spent my whole life reading about what the hell can be wrong with me? And now that people talk about their personal experiences more I could 100% understand myself. Back when I was a child only the most annoying boys would be diagnosed with autism, and all the descriptions were about just how low empathy autistics are which I never felt correct to me. I can socially blend in and my problems are mostly sensory. My body can feel very excruciating but I don't show it, or I must pretend it's something that would make sense to a neurotypical. Fuck getting diagnosed and getting discriminated. Nobody cares about "ableism" here, basically if you are not medically retarded, you have to do your best to blend in.
This bothers me SO MUCH.
After learning of my diagnosis therapists will tell me that my social difficulties are down to me having no natural empathy or theory of mind. When I try to anticipate other people’s reactions to things, my first instinct is to imagine what I
would do or want in that situation, which is often at odds with what the average person would do or want. Supposedly this is a typical autistic trait and non-autistic people don’t have to project onto others because unlike me, they do have empathy and theory of mind.
In my experience, though, neurotypical people project all the time
and usually make no effort to consider different perspectives. Coworkers see me eating lunch alone in the office, apparently think “the only reason to eat lunch alone is that you’re stuck up and hate your coworkers” and proceed to act like I’ve insulted them. In reality I’m eating lunch in the office because the cafeteria is really loud and my brain can only handle so much noise. If 50% of my social issues are due to me projecting the wrong things onto others then the other 50% are due to others projecting the wrong things onto me. Sometimes I feel like neurotypical people only appear to be more empathetic than autistic people because their perception of the world is considered the default.
>>1201751>Coworkers see me eating lunch alone in the office, apparently think “the only reason to eat lunch alone is that you’re stuck up and hate your coworkers” and proceed to act like I’ve insulted them.
I get this so much. It doesn't help that I have the weird sperg "posh" accent and I'm an introvert. People project "stuck up" onto me without even speaking to me. Then when I don't want to talk to them because of their poor treatment it's conformation for them that I am stuck up. I can't win. All I want is to eat my lunch in peace but they have start so much drama and then blame me for it.
>Sometimes I feel like neurotypical people only appear to be more empathetic than autistic people because their perception of the world is considered the default.
Completely agree. Both can have deep empathy and both can lack empathy. The fact that autistics are likely to be bullied easily disproves that at neutrotypicals are all empathetic.
Did you really come to a thread aimed at allowing autists to vent about neurotypicals to complain that autists are complaining about neurotypicals?
We’ve reached a new level of spergatory.
I am not diagnosed but it's likely I have autism or some sort of paranoia issue. I feel like I have too much empathy yet none at all. I have learned empathy, so I act like I feel bad even if I do not feel bad about certain events or things. I'm really disconnected from people and everything feels like a weird game, I wish we could just say what we mean. I am way more connected to animals and feel a lot of empathy for them, but I feel like a lot of people are just inherently evil and are out to get me. They all make fun of each other, talk shit, and try to kill each other for little mistakes. It is anxiety inducing that if you don't speak or act a certain way, you're treated like a weirdo even if you genuinely are just trying to mirror everyone else and care about other people. I blend in well enough, but people think I'm an asshole and mean, even though I'm just trying to act normal. I am the complete opposite and don't want anyone to feel bad, so it's fucked up how they judge everyone so harshly. Sorry for rambling, just stressed out with living like this. Social interactions are like a game I can't understand, everything is so cryptic.
I've always been afraid of getting a job, it's honestly not as awful as I expected, but then I'm only working half-time for now. I kinda feel bad for my boss, since we work pretty closely, but I feel like a "catfished" him in my interview. I can pretend to be a very competent normal woman and say whatever I think people want to hear in short bursts, so I totally sweeped him off his legs there, but now I can't keep up the same energy when I'm there 8 hours a day (not full-time though). I can feel that I underreact to a lot of things because I'm lost in my thoughts, don't know how to handle being praised and don't communicate that much. I don't really feel at home, I don't even work their facilities to store food or make coffee, even though on some days an afternoon coffee could really save me as I still just feel like some guest in the office. Sometimes I get lost in my work for the whole workday while they just hang around the office and take long lunch breaks, so I'm trying to make an effort to also let myself be distracted and not seem like a robot. I do work hard and efficiently at least so I get praised often, but I feel that's less important in office setting than being "liked".
I also have zero idea how to get to a good place in my career from here since my networking skills are close to zero, the only place I can do well is very formal and scripted settings, like a job interview.
everyone keeps repeating that spergs lack a theory of mind but the research doesn't even support that conclusion, NTs can be just as bad, and depending on the test the spergs can do better than the NTs. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6959478/?fbclid=IwAR3haLMuLBnd3ydoaYzBWXXrCZnTOwMkQsesyx7WJ5WO6IIMVRR6DpaddJA
As for the no empathy thing, many articles point out that spergs just seem to show empathy differently but obviously if it's not the reaction others are expecting it means we don't have empathy. But the way NTs show empathy always looks insincere to me so idgi. Apparently trying to be helpful or sharing that you had a similar experience is the wrong approach.
>Coworkers see me eating lunch alone in the office, apparently think “the only reason to eat lunch alone is that you’re stuck up and hate your coworkers” and proceed to act like I’ve insulted them.
I get that too
that's how you imagine it in your black and white thinking autistic mind lmao. when i complain about neurotypicals it's because they bullied me for getting a headache and wanting to take a break. it is because nts bullied me for standing weird, having weird expressions, talking weird. making me feel like i should kill myself because my whole existence is wrong. everything i liked was shat on my whole childhood because i enthusiastically ranted about it. they are the reason i was depressed since age 7. i stopped interacting with people, then the teachers blamed me for being too quiet and withdrawn, which then my mother bullied me for not being a social butterfly (as if that would've worked for me). why is it such a sin to be weird and exist? i am a hard worker, i'm helpful, i don't pester people, i stopped ranting about my "special interests" long ago and don't even have them anymore. they're the reason i was reading DSM books at age 10 trying to find out why everybody hates me. i learned to abandon and mold myself into whatever neurotypicals wanted just to avoid getting physical and verbal abuse. simply because they didn't like my posture or voice. how's that worse from bullying someone until they are suicidal? being an adult now and realizing i was more mature than the norm is not superiority complex or some kind of ego flex. i understand normies are emotion based. i don't believe i'm superior, and i don't have to believe i am inferior. i am just as if not more useful in this day and age of capitalism than the neurotypical… and if they hated me so much for standing weird and whatever, they could have just excluded me instead of abusing me.
your comment is retarded, it's like saying a woman is misandrist because she doesn't like that men abuse and take away women's rights.
Thank you. I've always been very confused about this.>>1200195
I haven't gotten around to getting diagnosis yet but I just feel like I fit this definition far more than I do autism but idk what to do about it. Maybe when i get around to talking to a proper psychologist I will finally get some closure because I am so sick of feeling like an alien and feeling guilty about it.
i think sometimes it makes sense to group them, (ex. this thread) because there are common experiences between them (getting caught as a kid and put in SpEd and thus made an outcast, or going un-diagnosed and think it's your fault for struggling) and they both are developmental disorders that involve some amount of emotional disregulation, social issues, ect.. they aren't the same but i woudn't call them "opposites", but i've got both (well, a diagnosis for both from childhood, but i think it might just be autism-related problems in day to day life getting labelled adhd. but the meds still help so who knows.)
but, i definitely agree that them getting grouped is obnoxious a lot of the time.
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>>1201419> can't be my "intense" self and must fake avoidance or else be abandoned
we are the same nona I feel it
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Do any other autistanonnas suffer from PMDD or other premenstrual issues?
I saw this recently on le reddit https://www.reddit.com/r/PMDD/comments/uw6z42/just_gonna_put_this_here_92_of_autistic_women/
and a whole lot of the past 20 years of my sad sack life make sense now. I thought I was possessed by demons or something.
when i was younger i wasn't able to differentiate between sarcastic and genuine compliments. and even though i can now, keeping the same response has helped, at least for me. even if i can tell they are trying to be rude, just smiling and thanking them works, because then they either feel bad about trying to get a dig in at you or realize they arent going to be able to upset you that way. >>1201344
i think it works sometimes. like if someone compliments something that i made myself, i tell them i made it and they usually think thats neat. i've had some nice conversations about crochet by doing that. i also think it would work if it was say, a piece of jewlery, and you said your partner got it for you. but not so much "i got it at this store" unless they ask.>>1202234>>1202254
yeah, me too. like fully suicidal once a month. i had no idea there was a corelation, that explains a lot.
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sigh. it is lonely but we can at least romanticize it. the last time i showed my sensitive and passionate side to a non-spergy woman i got downgraded instantly. these days it's easier to play the unavailable, and keep my reputation up. swear it's like playing a different video game character for most situations when i try. the things we must do to survive.
if you study hard enough you can maybe one day out earn the comp sci nerd autist! go normie, go
You know other autistic (or ADHD) women can disagree with you, right? I find the term neurotypical stupid and I wish "non-autistic" would be used, because the term neurodiverse is leading to focus on autism as a difference instead of a disability. We're social animals, it's a disability. It would hopefully cut down on the Tiktok larpers and the label becoming trendy.>>1198614
For you and any other future thread creators; there are many accomplished autistic women you could have chosen for a thread pic like Temple Grandin or Helen Hoang! >>1200775
I don't consider this sociopathic. Playing up expressions to communicate more smoothly with other people is not creepy. It's like speaking a different language than your native tongue for work; requires effort and is tiring for extra focus, and becomes a problem when you can't relax and go back to your own language after.
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I'll stop complaining about NT's when they stop trying to bully autists into committing suicide over the most inane fucking bullshit and act like we're aliens.>>1201751
After my diagnosis (which was given to me against my will when I reported my father for physical abuse and neglect) I was told that autists don't want or need friends. That I can't have empathy. Basically that I'm the scum of the earth and the psychiatrist asked me literally why I hadn't committed suicide yet. Many of the applications for euthanasia are done by autists, but autists are so fucking horrible and shitty people and need to take up even less space and need to learn to hate themselves even more for daring to be born socially retarded, right? Even too fucking polite to just commit suicide, because someone would have to clean it up or be inconvenienced, so they're trying to do it through the official channels. Child protective services even use it as an excuse and get out of jail free card for parents who want to abuse their children. Even if you're just a mild case of aspergers, it's seen as justified to try to beat your kid to death. Where is all that supposed empathy NT's have? People also change their attitude the moment they find out I'm a sperg. They think I'm just a really good hard worker, who is very thorough, but a bit shy and reserved at times (even though I have no problem having small talk with strangers or doing presentations). The moment they find out I'm a sperg, they act like I'm a retarded baby, so I have to go stealth and just sit there and listen to them complain about coworkers who are spergier than me. Hearing them completely misinterpret and project shit onto them. If I try to carefully suggest that they might be wrong about their interpretation (without mentioning I'm a sperg too), they just look at me with big eyes, like I just told them I like to eat shit.>>1201843>>1201847
I've been told the same thing, that I practically pass as NT and "grew out of it", but internally the tism and resentment for being treated like shit is still there.
Not watched that show but I do think the ambiguousness of “on the spectrum” is a problem. As a late diagnosis, I don’t feel like I really fit in with most autistic people, but I also know I don’t fit in with non-autistics either.
I wish “Aspergers” or “high functioning” or something else was still being used. Not knowing how well I will fit in with groups and activities aimed at people “on the spectrum” has really put me off seeking support at all. I don’t want to feel like I am faking and I feel like I have nothing in common with low functioning people, like it’s a completely different thing.
same anon but i realize all of my friends are probably high-functioning autistic but with atypical symptoms. or maybe other issues give them autistic traits. they're mostly people who can be "the quirky one" in a group of normies. i can't believe it took me this long to see the truth lmao >>1202466
i agree. what does a non-verbal adult who spergs out at any little sound have in common with a high-functioning autist anyway?
you misunderstood again. she was explaining why she uses the word neurotypical when complaining about normies. because you assumed it's because she had a superiority complex, whereas it's because in her experience they were abusive
t. neurotypical sadist>>1202297>>1203263
don't try to get through to a neurotypical sadist, she's not misunderstanding, she's just a little cruel psychopath
This is why I (autist too) judge posts that talk about 'the neurotypicals' There's nearly always this ott victim
complex attached or its accusatory (normies are cruel and out to get us) just generally unhinged. Scrolling back through the thread.. it's a pattern. You see the word neurotypical used and its guaranteed to be someone with almost male levels of autism. It's like a warning signal that the poster isn't just autistic but has chosen to lean in and become more retarded than even an autism diagnosis would explain.
I'm aware of where anons are probably picking up their language and their talking points from. It's just out of place on here.
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she is definitely a sperg, being so focused on one word. but what did i expect when i came to rant (not expressing everything completely literally and with 0 emotion) in an autism thread. we should be using tone indicators here
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a correction to add, i remember the girl called him, and i think he called the first one. it was so cringe worthy. damn, he should have been happy she gave him a chance. he went out of his way to call her the second option.
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with the highly competitive school system, lack of resources and prevalent alcoholism of my country, it is not rare that (male) teenagers beat a nerd to death, or for the girls to torment the weird and shy ones until they drop out or kill themselves. there are no rules for teenagers under 18, like they might go to juvie for criminal behaviour but only straight up provable attempted murder gets them a criminal record.
and trust me the bullying wasn't justified besides "that person looks weak and off-putting". autists, fat kids, very skinny ones, dark skin kids, shy ones, ugly ones, pimply ones, awkward ones all got the shit end of the stick. girls pulled out chunks of somebody's hair because she was "a gypsy", another girl got a brick thrown at her head by an adhd boy because she was small. yeah that boy beat smaller kids because "they went further away" when he pushed them. and the normie teachers just gave that girl with a bleeding head a tissue and told her to sit down.
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Not liking bullying = immature? 70% of bullying in the workplace comes from managers and everyone gets to deal with that. Is the person who doesn't enjoy bullying immature, or is it the person who reached adulthood and decided that this manner of conduct in a professional environment is completely acceptable the immature one? Is it immature to not enjoy sexual harassment either or racial discrimination? Or do you first have to interrogate a woman about her neuroses and decide whether she deserves empathy or victim
blaming based on that? Maybe you should personally contact judges and professors to tell them how you feel about caring about bullying, if you know it so much better than everyone else. Oh wait, I'm sure you can find more misogynists and racists with 0 empathy who agree with you, sadly enough.
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tbf the recent boom in "my life as an autistic woman" content would probably make me feel like I'm not like them if I watched it.
maybe not all of them are faking it but some of them still seem super alien to me and are often extremely performatively feminine and self-conscious, look and act normie, etc.
I don't know what I'm trying to communicate here but I don't think any online "autism content" is relatable for me
I'm not on tiktok but lately stuff like that is popping up more on insta. If I were to base my view of female tism on what I've seen there.. we should all be ABDLers living amongst hoards of toys and cushions and stimmy toys. Makes me want to keep my diagnosis very close to my chest.
I have a job and a mortgage and apart from the lack of a social life I'm not that odd
>>1202430>now what do i even do with this info?
If meltdowns are your big issue the good thing about diagnosis is you have context clues about how to prevent them.
Learning about executive function was a game changer for me.
I used to think my meltdowns were random and everything became just too much in a split second. But now I know there are little warning signs that one is coming on. Like if I have to force myself to shower in the morning or I skip my shower, if my memory gets worse, etc. It's a sign something is weighing on me and my executive function is deteriorating. Sometimes it's hormones so I just wait it out, other times it's sleep deprivation or a stressful thing I've been avoiding weighing on me.
Self care isn't a meme it's genuinely as important as medication. If you address small stresses you can prevent a full on meltdown.
Another positive part of this self awareness is knowing some things don't fit you and never will. Like I wasted so much money on gym memberships. Only after diagnosis did I realise that gyms are hell for me from a sensory perspective, so I commited to buying workout equipment for home instead of just trying to be disciplined and go to gym like everyone else.
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Do neurotypical people often seem arbitrary and amoral to anyone else?
Yes, being very honest and following rules strictly is an autism trait.
I find it pretty irritating how non-autistics complain about people cheating or whatever and then go and do it themselves in another situation. It's like they are unable to see the big picture that things get ruined because everyone behaves the way they do (tragedy of the commons).
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this shit, among others.
After you learn a language you should create a project and then put it on your resume, and then apply to a lot of companies. The first job probably won't be great but once you get a job you can hop to a better job after a year. You could also get some certificates, do a boot camp or get a bachelors but that all costs money. There may be resources online for helping people break into CS especially if you're a woman, lgbt or not white/asian. Idk it's alot of time and effort but others have broken into CS from irrelevant fields so it's possible.
As to the second point, those things really aren't a big deal, I do them at work and it's fine. The soft skills thing is just that companies want to hire people who aren't unpleasant to be around and can work with others, since CS can attract people that are smart but have assholish personalities. Just be nice to your coworkers, pretend to be positive and do what you're told and you'll be fine
There's an interesting discussion to be had about autism and transness in regards to women.. and this isn't it. How about asking why troon rates are so high in tists compared to others? The amount of autistic women who feel like NBs is nuts.
I'm a not very feminine and I was only diagnosed at like 30. Before that I've had moments where I almost fell into the thinking trap of 'I don't fit in with girls so I must not be one' I think that's why rates are so stupidly high with us. That feeling of not fitting in (from tism) gets blown into something else that's much bigger than it needs to be. But nobody wants to say that because it's not very 'validating' to acknowledge when people are just socially struggling and confused.
Male tranny tists are just perverts tho with a hint of social confusion thrown in.
I wonder about TIM/MTF autism a lot honestly, it seems contradictory to me. Going off stereotypes you'd think that the super logical brain wouldn't buy into the pseudospiritual explanation of gender nowadays or that feelings=actual being a woman. I will see cold as ice programmers who have no room for nuance in most things falling for this stuff. You'd think they would look at chromosomes, look at the differences in male and female biology, and think about their lack of early childhood feminine behaviors, and take that to heart instead of joining the make-believe gender cult.
I guess it's all overrode by them taking fetishes too far, or the black and white thinking that euphoric fetish feelings of being a woman equals actually being one. Let's not forget their shit understanding at aesthetics and think that long hair=girl, boobs=girl, feminine clothes=girl, but that facial and body proportions mean absolutely nothing.
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>>1205430>I'm talking more about being a thinker than a feeler, relying more on facts than feelings.
Problem is most men who think they're "facts over feelings" aren't actually logical, they just accept their subjective feelings as 'factual logic' and run with it. I think the autistic MTF thought process is something like:>Women are XX>I feel like a woman inside even though I'm XY>I am Factual and Logical ergo it must be possible to be factually and logically an XY woman
Then they work backwards from their "I'm a real woman" conclusion to find facts that support it, just like a typical annoying contrarian nerd. WELL ACKSHYTULY cuttlefish can change sex so biological sex doesn't real. WELL ACTLKLY the dictionary was written by humans so all words are technically social constructs. WELL ACUTELY a penis and clits are both merely random clumps of cells we have socially assigned meaning to therefore I just have a big clitty. WELL ACKTULU the world doesn't literally leap anywhere so there's no such thing as a leap year.
AGPs have the exact same personality type as the autist I went to high school with who would interrupt every teacher at least once per class with some stupid WELL ACTUALLY technicality.
Nta but this makes sense to me. I feel like whenever I do something selfish, it's not a deliberate choice and more like it doesn't occur to me to consider another viewpoint or I didn't understand the situation properly.
When I do consider all viewpoints, I am extra generous and try to see the good in all people. Unfortunately this means being repeatedly taken advantage of, to the point that I now avoid all other people.
I don't understand why neurotypical people cheat and lie to get ahead. Surely they must know that their "success" is fake and it wouldn't feel as good? Plus the people they screwed over to get there weighing in their conscience, preventing them from enjoying it. Except I guess that's what separates us. Neurotypicals don't feel this, or not as much anyway.
It's kind of sad to think that the people who are held highest in our societies are the ones who are the best at playing the game.
>>1212450>i apparently look very spaced out and confused
I see this look in some aspies. I don't understand how/why that "look".. develops? Sometimes I'll be in public and suddenly realize oh god I'm holding a weird facial expression right now. Or like..fuck, I'm holding my eyes up really wide.
When you appear confused, do you FEEL confused yourself?
wtf they literally shove a lighted box in his face to try to calm him down? like those parents who raise their kids on tablets instead of learning how to actually soothe their children?>>1213698
okay i'm halfway in to this one and she barely even looked for the hat? Why didn't she just ask her kid to find it? He clearly knows where things are supposed to go so he probably remembers where his own hat is. And she's feeding him cookies to distract him from distress over his hat, is this what "autism parents" do nowadays? Please tell me this isn't standard, anons. That poor child doesn't even exist and I already feel bad for him.
You're right. Whoever wrote this should be ashamed.
Well that's enough cringe for the morning, wowiee me. It's like they don't know that autistic people are more likely to be victims
of violence rather than perpetrators. Oh wait, they might actually not know that damn.
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tbf autistic people(its mostly men) like this do exist, they are super rare, likely about 1% of autistic men I'd say but they exist, I know two IRL, one is my cousin and the other is friend of a friend
both are autistic men who are very buff and try to deal with life by trying put on a stoic emotionless front, but when they lose control it can be frightening, my cousin has never hurt anybody but when he loses control he starts biting his shirt and just runs away and starts punching brick walls and trees and he's 6'2 and a very physically capable man, he can rip tree bark with his bare hands and break bricks, he only returns to normal when he tires him self out and his rage dies down, it can be scary but again these types of autistic men are rare
picrel is not my cousin but he is autistic Dragon Ball Z youtuber who gets into a lot of arguments online about who can goku could beat in a fight
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I want to make progress on my project but I'm at my limit for learning new things today, I CANNOT watch any more video tutorials but since I'm hyperfocused on the project and I feel stuck and blocked I can't relax and do any other hobbies so I just have to sit here and vibrate AHHHHHHHHHH
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i always told myself i wasn't autistic because I didn't handflap but now I realize that chewing my pens until they're unusable and biting my nails all the time is probably a stim. now I'm a little better at keeping pens and I did have a period of my life where I didn't bite my nails but now they're little nubs again lmao
I always hear about a lot of people on the spectrum being labelled as gifted from a young age but was anyone else labelled as stupid?
I have abusive parents and went to a bottom tier school. I never spoke and so was put in the bottom group for everything at school, basically ignored by teachers as I was well behaved (terrified of doing anything wrong). I did gradually move up the top groups for everything at the end of primary school, was about ~5 in year in high school, plus accepted to Mensa (had to do the whole application process myself) so I know I’m not stupid.
However, like many gifted or neurodiverse people, I did badly in my exams and ended up going to a terrible university too, forced by my parents to study something that they thought had good job opportunities, instead of something I cared about.
It’s only in the last few years that I’ve been able to live in a stress free environment and I’ve found that I’m able to learn nearly everything pretty quickly and without much effort when I’m able to choose the learning style. I’ve done some distance university courses and received top marks in everything. I finally got a diagnosis too after recognising the symptoms and pursuing it myself.
Now I can’t help but be resentful of other people who had supportive parents, a good school, extracurricular activity opportunities, early diagnosis, good learning environments, etc. I know I’m still reasonably young and can study as a mature student but I can’t get back all the wasted years, remove all the unhappy memories from my head, erase past failures, nor remove the deep-set feeling that I’m “stupid”.
Did anyone else go through anything similar?
Same anon. I did some reading and I think I probably qualify as "gifted but learning disabled". Being mute, overlooked, socially awkward but masking, and a bit spacey at school and then having uninterested parents at home is likely why no one noticed. Doing badly in exams probably confirmed what everyone thought.
On the flip side, after reading about gifted children who were recognized, it seems like a lot of them burn out, suffer depression, and don't end up achieving much. The label of being "gifted" seems to do a lot of harm, especially when they come up against other smart people. They also seem to struggle outside of school as they need to motivate themselves.
I guess I'm lucky that I never had that. I'm also fortunate that I have full control over what and how I learn now, as well as plenty of motivation, so I doubt I will crash and burn.
Sorta kinda? Except I always did ok in school. But after my emotional issues and suspected tism came to surface in late elementary school I got put into special education, so I got bullied for being an alleged retard even though I had no intellectual disability and was in normal classes with no difficulty leading up to it. I was average to high average on the IQ tests I had to take then but I certainly wasn't MENSA level. I also just kept my head down and did my work like a drone, didn't wanna do anything wrong, but never really put out extra energy. So I came out of high school as an A/B+ student, but didn't bother with extracurriculars, AP classes, college dick-sucking, and didn't attend right away due to lack of confidence and burnout.
Funny thing too is after all these years, kids I graduated with still thought I was a tard. You know, despite being in mainstream classes, not needing a help helper, and knowing stuff. The just looked at the short-lived special ed saga in elementary school plus my social awkwardness and thought I was a dumb-dumb. Special ed is a scarlet letter you cannot erase, even if your learning is fine. I developed a major inferiority complex thanks to it so I always get really defensive if I perceive others as treating me like a tard or have breakdowns if I can't get something right away, because I'll think it was proof I actually was.
Are you medically mute or selectively mute? Selective mute here. I just wanted to say that its nice to see you.
Most sel mute people I see online are younger kids who just don't talk as much if their friends are absent and that's just not the same.
Nice to meet you. it is really isolating. I tried learning ASL for a while but I'm not deaf so I'm not comfortable treading there. Writing things down isn't conducive.
To be honest, pic rel made me feel a bit better about being selectively mute (in my 30s and have been since a kid for ref) but communication isn't my strong suit and i didnt feel listened to, among other things so I just decided to…stop talking.
I hope that it's a little less isolating for you if that isn't an empty hope.
Downside is that the sound of myself talking at length gives me a headache.
blog post but, I hope you're well. Take care.
I learned basic ASL, but even knowing it no one else ever cares enough to learn or use it either. They’d prefer you to talk and if not I guess you’re seen as difficult.
I get the feeling of not being listened too. I used to stutter when upset or uncomfortable and get very record scratchy like my brain would get stuck. People got more upset and forcing myself to talk never made the situation better and always led to me burning out so I just sort of stopped? And now I can’t.
I hope you’re doing well too anon.
I understand that really well..I would just start repeating myself of my thoughts would get stuck like you described and be unable to make any new thoughts. The more others became upset with me the worse it got.
I sympathize with the ASL too. one person tried to learn it with me but they gave up soon after. I don't blame them, but there's no point knowing if not for communicating.
I wish you a lot of luck. People are really misunderstanding about things like this.
The image reeks of social media bs and is a massive oversimplification. It's true that a lot of autist don't realize they're stimming, but these kinds of posts makes it seem like any normie quirk is actually a form of autistic stimming. The best way to think about it imo is "would a lowest-functioning autist do this to express happiness or relieve stress". Would they jump around and flap their hands, uncontrollably, because they're happy - then yes that sounds like stimming. Would they rock on the floor to calm down - yes that wounds like stimming. Would they play the new catchy Ariana Grande song on repeat while doing homework for a few hours - no that's normie shit that half the population does.
I strongly oppose any kind of self-stimulation being rebranded as (autistic) stimming. Every person on earth self-stimulates in some way. It does nothing but remove understanding of autists. People on tiktok seriously think autists can try out stims or switch them around or try little stim toys to stim with.
>>1224821>people didn't like me
it's useful for this since we can often be victims
of bullying just for being a bit weird
>he said that he thinks i might have autism>i basically had a meltdown
sorry but this made me lol
. It's always "late diagnosed" or self-identifying normies who do this too. I think they're overcompensating because they clearly don't have autism or it's barely perceptible. They always parrot the same basic stereotypes (which are based on men) and act like those are the defining traits of autism and no autistic people deviate from them.
is it possible to be in psychiatry on and off for over a decade and have undiagnosed autism? i’ve been seeing therapists for a long time so i’ve wondered if i have practically every mental disorder at some point, but i have a feeling i might be autistic. i have always felt like i’m different than everyone i meet in some way, but that could be because of my background and untraditional family. i’ve also been diagnosed with anxiety, depression, adhd, pstd, rad, mdd with mixed features, and probably something else that i’m forgetting. i also think that my early childhood trauma could be the sole reason i am the way i am, although i probably inherited some kind of disorder from one of my parents. i’m kinda agoraphobic and have a fear of being rejected/humiliated by others, but i’m good at pretending like social interactions are easy for me, and sometimes they are. i obsess over things like bands, characters, tv shows and sometimes the hyper fixation lasts for a while, but i always end up mostly getting over it and finding something else to think about all the time. i have trouble making and keeping friends, but i was neglected when i was really young so that could be the cause. i’m pretty quiet, my mood changes constantly throughout the day, and i have outbursts of anger occasionally (usually only when i’m alone). plus the only social medias i use these days are tumblr and lolcow lol. i’m not asking for a diagnosis, i am just confused as to why no psychiatrist or therapist has ever considered that i could have asd. like, maybe i do have asperger’s and i’m just really good at masking? might i benefit from getting tested?
>>1225248>is it possible to be in psychiatry on and off for over a decade and have undiagnosed autism? i’ve been seeing therapists for a long time
Have you seen an actual psychiatrist who is experienced in diagnosing autism women? If not, then it's very possible that whoever you have seen might not have realized it.
>i’ve also been diagnosed with anxiety, depression, adhd, pstd, rad, mdd with mixed features, and probably something else that i’m forgetting.
It's common for autistic women to be diagnosed with other things first, especially depression.
From what you've said, I think it's worth seeking an assessment.
I'm very sad because whenever I share interests with others, I am always the one who's too into it. I don't blame anyone for this at all, and I've learned very well not to go on excited spergs about things. it's not about showing off facts though, I just love things a lot and I want to learn what others love too. I love to just listen, too.
Unfortunately one of my biggest interests is old games and talking to males who are as into games as I am is not…enjoyable. If they were chill and just passionately loved a series (not shipping or Fandom just cool facts, behind the scenes/developmental things, file dump related info, etc)instead of trying to out-fan everyone else it would actually be OK. But even those just don't care that much about the things.
A lot of the series are male targeted so it's also not that. I just love certain things so much yet hate sperging at relatively uninterested or interested but just-listening friends because I don't want to trap them with it or seem like showing off.
I can and do enjoy these things by myself, but in the most friendly, benign, and opposite to the usual meaning way– I just want someone on my same level.
I feel so stupid sometimes.
Kind of. I’m late diagnosed so I’ve always considered autistic and disabled people as “other” because society does. I guess some sort of internalized ablism. Not that I say anything like this or dislike them, it’s more of a gut instinct. Even people who are slightly awkward when I can tell it’s probably autism.
It’s weird recognizing these things in other people and I can tell when I do something similar by the other person’s reaction but I’m not able to tell in advance that I’m about to do something weird. It’s like I can only learn what is weird or not from see other people’s reactions and remembering them for next time a similar situation comes up. Of course I probably miss lots of smaller reactions or hints.
Despite that, my brain is used to being classed as “normal” so doesn’t really sympathize with others on the spectrum or disabled who do the same things.
I’m diagnosed and definitely autistic. I stim in a lot of ways. I self stimulate with music, but it’s not like wooo this song is amazing.
It’s if I listen to anything that is not this song on repeat for the next several hours. My brain is going to be overwhelmed by audio cues and I’m going to melt down. I need the same beat, rhythm and words. It’s even worse when I can’t figure out which song will help me physical stim and start soothing, but from explaining it’s probably a poor coping strategy to cause stimming when I get overwhelmed and can’t unmask. Then a general stim, maybe it’s something I’ll bring up in discussion offline. >>1225660
I want to be your friend too anon. You seem cool.
I do the music thing too. I can't help but wonder if I used to present more externally with flappy stims and loud meltdowns but was beaten into being more internal as a child. All my meltdowns these days are internal or I have shutdowns.
Song related is one of my favorite stim songs, though not a normal favorite of mine, if that makes sense. Something about the beat at the start is very ordered and calming.
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Anyone other autistics turn to drugs or alcohol when they fuck up socially? I get high as shit and my autistic friend gets drunk by herself. It's so overwhelming making social mistakes all the time. Not small ones either but extremely awkward stuff. I get so overwhelmed and anxious I can't handle it. About to get high right now. I said something incredibly embarrassing and dumb and feel like stabbing myself in the stomach. I never learn from the mistakes, they just happen over and over. I wish I wasn't aware of how retarded I am. I watched Of Herbs and Altars' recent video and I think she mentioned it's common.
I used to back in school, but swung hard the other way as an adult. There used to be more noticeable difference between me and other sped kids because my developmental delays weren't obvious enough to be diagnosed until mid-primary school. And so many of them had the same voice, this sort of weird rasp that only severely mentally disabled people seem to have? So many of the "challenged" kids at my school had that voice and I hated the sound of it. Still do.
Now I like people better when they're obviously a little slow compared to the same person without any developmental disabilities. The older I get, the more my own delays stack and the wider the gulf gets between me and "normal" people. And I still have that annoying sunny sped energy that is endearing to the normies in small doses, but not usually something they want long-term.
Not really afraid or distrustful of male autists, though. I just bully them if they don't act decent and that seems to work well enough in my personal life. But the male autists in my friend group are able to mask better than I am so I'm seen as a benchmark for acceptable behavior.
It’s RSD. Rejection sensitive dysphoria Noni and yes I have it. Yes sometimes I take stuff to mellow. >>1226451
I think you might be on to something. I was abused into melt downs and then taunted over them furthering the abuse for reacting, so I had to learn to not. Now I shut down or desperately escape the situation and melt down by myself. I’ll give this song a listen. I really like opium by Emile Simon. If I’m doing really poorly. It’s very gentle and I can almost hide in the rhythm
Oh my goodness you beautiful nonnie
you have answered something I have been wondering for years, thank you.
I never thought of this as stimming or self soothing behavior but you've made me think a log. I listen to the same song/set of songs for months at a time for hours at a time every day and don't change my music preferences, have no urge to listen to other things..
even the content doesn't always matter just the sounds and colors of it.
Trying to relate this to others lead to "oh yea totally" but listening to the same video game image song on repeat for hours every single day for months is not what they're talking about.
Thank you Nonna. I learned something, today.
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Are any of the autistic nonnies here too ashamed to express feelings, especially the positive ones? I always struggled with it, I didn't know how to do it properly, and the prospect of doing it made me cringe. I hate receiving presents because of that, because I never know how to react, even if I like something. I started dating for the first time and it's a nightmare. I told him once I missed him, it was much easier to do face-to-face. Now I'm on my holiday in my home country and we only texted once and it wasn't feelings-related, he just wanted to know if I'm ok and how I'm doing, he knows I'm an autist and texting and talking on the phone is a torture for me, so I'm grateful he doesn't force it. I miss him and for the past few days I've been trying to come up with the proper ways to express it with the right words but the mere prospect makes me cringe. I think my autism was amplified by the fact I was raised in a neglectful, sometimes abusive household where my mom never expressed her feelings properly, especially positive feelings, only negative ones, she also never hugged me or told me she loved me etc. I'm not assertive at all and often allowed people to walk all over me in the past, I didn't feel worthy of fighting for myself and I felt a lot of shame because I couldn't function like other kids, be it at school or home, I was way more dependent on my mother than I should, and after I graduated HS I was a neet in my early 20s and after my mother died I had to learn everything from the start. I think I'm far behind people my age and I will never catch up, especially in terms of social maturity and being able to handle formalities. But I know I have to keep struggling and pretending I'm not a drooling retard because otherwise my family would send me to a "special institution" for "people like me", which is very nice of them and totally doesn't make me want to cut off ties with them. They would never help me. The only person I think I can count on is the man I'm dating, he accepts and respects me, which I didn't know was possible. Girls were supposed to be emotional and caring and expressive and I've always appeared cold and distant to people but I'm not cold, I feel a lot, I feel sorry for people and animals constantly, so often it overwhelms me because I can't do much about other's pain, I'm also passionate about many things like art or music or science, I look at the sky and ants and trees and ladybugs and everything fills me with wonder but I can't really express those feelings in front of people, and I can't connect with the people themselves. I think I don't like people that much, despite feeling sorry for them. I like my boyfriend and I wish I knew how to express it, I don't want him to feel neglected
I relate to you a lot Noni. I think instead of attempting to be someone else maybe find new ways to express yourself your way. I have difficulty expressing emotions physically and I can be selectively mute, but I’m very dependable. I’ll always show up when it matters for the people I care about it and they know it. I also am big on acts of service and remembering important little details. I’ll learn their favorite coffee, flower, dinner, I’ll make notes in my phone of the things they want for later holidays so the gifts are always personalized to them and what they want. Things that show I care and I’m here. I also write loose poetry and sketch portraits. My current partner jokes I’m the goblin girlfriend. Also bringing shiny trinkets and then disappearing to go do goblin things.
On the same note I always work to match their needs that are important communication wise. My current partner was in a very toxic
relationship before this and he struggles to voice difficult emotions in person so for stuff like that I’m patient and we text each other the questions and answers.
Maybe that helps. You’re not broken. You’re just different and I would focus on you and your partner and less on the world.
This is long, and I'm sorry. I swear you could pinpoint us in forums or anywhere else because of our multiple paragraph long posts. I've had mostly shit psych doctors. Found a licensed counselor later on that listened and wasn’t a shit that dismissed things that I brought up, but cracking open and talking about things just made me have actual anxiety attacks in her office while talking about even mundane things sometimes. My eyes would water, my throat would start to tighten up and I would struggle to breathe, and my hearing would start to crap out entirely like I was listening to muffled sounds outside with earbuds in. That was physically stressful and no thanks. I evidently don't do vulnerability to strangers that are being paid to listen to me, even if I really like them as a person. She introduced me to a female doctor that had a really chill, but would still laugh on my jokes and help make visits more lighthearted. She was great, eventually settled that I should have just been back on my ADHD meds instead of the blue billion antidepressant brands and types, and the ADHD was the root cause of the repetitive thoughts and subsequent anxiety/anxiety attacks. I was diagnosed in childhood though, with subsequent diagnoses twice more in adulthood already though. She started seeing other doctors as patients though and moved up in the company. So I ended up with a dude in her office that I was fucking terrified would just dismiss me at every appointment. He's surprisingly pretty great too, further legitimized my concerns about fillers in generics with different drug manufacturers, and treats me like an adult.
So many of these fucking doctors will be condescending and shit if you question their treatment choices and have concerns aboutthe medication side effects (much of my experience with the awful ones was pre-Obamacare when they were getting kickbacks from the pharmaceutical companies to shill their shitty drugs).
Might be a bit longer blogpost. I'm kinda trying to find out what's wrong with me. Does this sound like some light autism?
I've been to so many psychiatrists because I had a lot of social distress and they never really could diagnose me in a fitting way. Most would think it's social anxiety or depression but that never felt like it fit. I always felt like I somehow am different, a lot of people seem like NPCs I couldn't understand while I'm a person, I never felt connected to my gender expression either (but I still do my best by researching what I should look like and do a good job). I also felt like I was missing some kind of conversation and socialisation gene, no matter how much I tried it just wouldn't work. I often looked (and even now do) at people's expressions and copy that, for example I noticed that people look at other people when they laugh at something so I started doing it even though I don't understand it and think it isn't natural. I read somewhere you're supposed to look at the person you like the most out of the group or something so I do that.
I felt so at ease with mandatory respirators because I could just look at eyes (smiling eyes would squint) and didn't have to control my expression. I have to plan eye contact, looking away and so on. I have weird obscure fixations I spend so much time on, I'm also terminally online. I have sensory issues, I can't stomach texture of any meat, gag with any smell of cold food, obsess over clean glasses/forks and could never eat at my friends house, the food would make me sick, I found not knowing the kitchens disgusting. I study medicine and always was a studious type so that would also check out. I have a very peculiar and weird sense of humor. I practice conversations and would have a checklist of things to talk about. Love when I don't have any events, staying at home with having now meet ups is so freeing but I feel guilt for not being social. I plan a lot of social things just because that's normal for adult woman. I overanalyse what people say, get fixated on people being tactful and if they break the social rules of tact I get irrationally angry and might even cut them off. I analyse social hierarchy and can read people quite well imo, but I stand outside most of the times. Can't recognise faces properly though.
I feel like I have a lot of small quirks that might be a bit autistic-adjacent but I'm not sure I'm weird 'enough'. I'm almost 30 now and I've settled into being okay with being a little bit weird. I look like a good-looking happy person from the outside now and it gets hard to honestly speak with psychiatrists because I can't drop the smiley calming way I've learn to talk in, I look pretty normal and they won't believe me.
That said I might just be not well socialised and maybe fucked up by some bullying I experienced while I was a kid because I was this wolf-obsessed weirdo ugly nerd who'd physically fight back. I always hated boys btw kek.
Anxiety attacks in the therapists office sounds very familiar. The worst part was when the therapists would then get annoyed with me for being “uncooperative”, which would just make me shut down even harder. I’m glad you’ve met a few people who treat you well and actually listen to you. Maybe it’s possible to learn how to be vulnerable with strangers with practice? It’s a miserable process, though, I wouldn’t blame you for not wanting to do that again.
I’ve only ever met one person who recognised my anxiety attacks for what they were and didn’t treat me like a time-wasting nuisance, but the subsequent autism diagnosis meant I couldn’t see her anymore because she was part of the anxiety unit and I got moved to the autism unit. Which sucked, because all the autism unit did was provide basic psychoeducation in a group setting and it was only for patients aged 21 and under because autistic adults are a lost cause I guess?
Have any other autism anons also fallen in this weird gap where you can’t get help for social anxiety because mh providers who specialise in social anxiety don’t know anything about autism (especially in women) and the ones who specialise in autism don’t really do therapy? When I seek help from the autism angle I’m told that adults shouldn’t expect anything beyond diagnosis and basic psychoeducation you can get from a book. But when I seek help for anxiety-related issues (including RSD) I always end up with people who don’t understand autism at all and inadvertently make things worse by insisting on things like exposure therapy or refusing to acknowledge the very real social rejection that underlies RSD. There are studies showing that non-autistic people often take an immediate dislike to autistic people based entirely on first impressions (or even just our faces? I’ll have to look it up), and it would be nice to have someone who could teach me how to deal with that reality instead of dismissing my experiences and telling me it’s all a figment of my imagination that I could get rid of by thinking positively or whatever.
>I swear you could pinpoint us in forums or anywhere else because of our multiple paragraph long posts.cough
I was lucky to finally feel like I got somewhere, and it's disheartening as hell to see so many people struggle with the same problems finding doctors that I did.
It's really weird that RSD wouldn't be treated alongside female autism, or maybe I'm just drawing lines there that only I'm seeing. I know it's supposed to be common in girls with ADHD as well, so would there be any way to seek out a doctor that typically counsels ADHD patients with RSD? They're not the same disorder, but those counselors might have a baseline understanding of the types of struggles that an autistic woman has had because of the similarities in behavioral and social struggles. It's not a perfect solution, maybe not even ideal at all for you, but it might be a start?
I'm a terrible source for that. I'm a turd and just expect rejection anyway, so I just blurt out all of my feelings about something to save myself the trouble. Better to burn the wood before it turns into a bridge that I'll feel more hurt over I guess. The people that have stuck around after I share opinions and are patient enough to let me clarify are the ones that I'm dog loyal to.
I have RSD related issues as a ADHD Autist sperg. It’s not a separate diagnosis, but depending on where you live it can be part of the diagnosis criteria. Burgerland from what I know ignores it and refuses to see it which might be part of the reason female autist and such get labeled with BPD there more. Places in Europe and several mental health orgs link it closely. What do you want to know? What triggers
it for me? What helps? The things I’ve been taught to cope? How it feels?
DAE have the experience of being bullied by male autistic/adhd friends before diagnosis? In my former friend group I ghosted for basically ruining my self esteem, there was a guy with adhd and one with asd, and both would gang up on and attack me. It got worse over the course of a year until it became malicious sabotage involving things like gaslighting me into undermining my talents in my career and hobbies until I quit, just constantly telling me I'm shit and all my praise is undeserved and that I'll never improve so I should give up. They'd say awful things about my appearance, my voice, mental health, etc, one time I was sexually assaulted while out clubbing with this friend group and the asd guy didn't give a fuck when I told him and just started talking my ear off about wrestling and the other told me I was lying. Whenever I'd try and stick up for myself they'd shield one another touting they can't help it due to their disorder and not understanding social cues. They were both diagnosed as children but after I got my diagnosis as an adult I reconnected to rub it in their faces and tell them off because I never treated them the way they did me and a lot of the things they bullied me for were how asd/adhd presented for me so for them to attack me as "ableist" when I told them they were hurting my feelings was hypocritical.
It still really burns, like I lived with thinking I was just stupid and made wrong and that's why everything seems so much harder for me than other people, but these guys knew for their whole lives and, maybe I'm jealous, but I'm trying to fix myself now that I know what's wrong with me and all they care to do is use it as a get out of jail free card for being cunts. I'm still friends with the asd guy since I've known him for a really long time and he's tolerable to hang out with by himself. I don't have other friends I've known for as long as him and he likes the same niche music as me, and it's nice having a male friend who I know doesn't want to fuck me, even if he does reaffirm this by saying stuff like, "I tell people that when I need to lose a boner I think about you."
I'm sorry but what the fuck? These guys are not real friends. The way you're wording it (i.e. describing him as "tolerable"), it sounds like you're just settling with having that one guy as your friend. Even if he's affirming his lack of attraction towards in a joking manner (which is what I'm assuming since it's the only way his degrading statement towards you feels somewhat excusable), his past history with you is pretty fucked up. He acted like a typical antisocial moid lacking empathy. Has he ever even shown remorse for his actions towards you? It sounds like you are deeply lacking self-esteem. I really hope you find better friends who actually value your personality.
In my own personal experience, autistic moids are usually completely awful and their lack of empathy and emotional intelligence makes me want to stay far away from them. They tend to be complete trash who like you said, use their diagnosis as an excuse so you shouldn't take anything they say seriously.
I had a couple of male asd friends in the years before I ever suspected my own tism. Not super close friends. IME they're mostly just pornsick and lack a filter.. they crush on you and try to play games and manipulate you but they're so retaarded that you see it a mile away. Looking back now I'd never befriend another male tist. If a guy overshares sexual shit with me randomly.. I'm gone. I put up with way too much of that all because 'well I have the tism so I can't help it' Sorry but you can.
What I hate about it to this day is.. It gave me this shitty view of what autism is even at a high functioning level. It made me want to resisit my own assessment. I associated it with manbabies who treat people poorly and who throw tantrums when a woman doesn't return their feelings. It took me a while to learn to seperate male and female tism as if they're two entirely different things.
“Male friends” is the root cause of all problems tbh. The only male friends I still talk to are either gay or are husbands of my female friends so I kinda have to keep in touch with them. Even those get triggered
or go silent when I dare suggest a woman should make her own money, make her own financial decisions and have saving and have a goal in life. I’ll get the “oh but I’ll buy her whatever she needs!” reply occasionally. It should give you an idea about males.
I use an ambient noise app with a combo of brown noise and a looping bass melody. Headphones and a timer if you get that "oh no I'm stuck here forever" dread feeling, just put a timer for 20 minutes and say you're allowed to stop trying after that.
I know it's cheesy advice but putting your phone in another room on silent really does help a lot as well.
For studying I also read out loud and talk to myself as if I'm explaining the ideas to someone else. It engages more of your senses so you don't drift off.
Some say caffeine helps focus but personally it just makes me more anxious and scattered.
As for supplements, my friend says high dose of Omega 3 makes him feel the same as ritalin but those pills are expensive, not fish oil but pure Omega 3 800mg cost more than Concerta here, and it didn't work as well for me. But it's worth a try if you can find it affordable.
I'm so tired of being tied to doctors and having to jump through hoops to get meds. If I could find a natural supplement I'd switch in a heartbeat.
Seconding the other anons who replied, and here's a few more:>exercise, especially aerobic, of a moderate to high intensity several times a week>getting enough sleep >eating a diet high in protein>if you're really stuck sitting down for hours at a time, sipping on something that contains a mild amount of sugar like a Gatorade or a lemonade that's not terribly sweet>setting timers for work/breaks and taking frequent, scheduled breaks
Most of these are recommendations from Russel Barkley, a reputable ADHD expert, for kids with ADHD, but I shamelessly use them in my grown-ass adult life and they still work.
I don't take medication either. I find that having a cup of matcha (one teaspoon or less) in the morning helps me wake up. If I have more or other caffeinated drinks or have it later I can't sleep and feel jittery but one morning cup is fine.
I also find getting enough sleep helps. The app Sleep Cycle wakes you up very gently at the right time and helps track how much sleep you are getting.
Lowering background stress helps too (gives you more "spoons"). Minimalism and simplifying as much of your life is good for this.
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I'm exactly the same, except I'm NC with my family too. I used to feel a lot of societal pressure to have lots of friends but being a sperg, it would never work out and I came across as weird/desperate. Being constantly rejected also gave me low self worth.
Now I see interactions like pic related. I can chat to people when I feel like it but unless they make a move to stay in contact (and I feel the same), I don't expect to see them again. It has made me value my time more and feel more "exclusive", leading to higher self worth. I no longer need other people to feel complete and I don't care if someone doesn't like me.
I don't keep in contact with people either if I'm not going to see them regularly. When I used to try catching up with people from my past, there was always a bit of reminiscing but then the conversation would fizzle out. As I have ADHD too, my interests and priorities are constantly shifting so there's seldom even common interests anymore. They're basically just strangers again. I don't like being reminded of my past "selves" either.
I feel like I can never completely relax around other people, apart from my bf as he is fine with all my spergy ways. With other people it's like I'm constantly on my tiptoes trying to act the right way and not accidentally sperg about something. Plus most conversation bores me to tears anyway.
I'm exactly like this. I'm envious of you though because my gf is really clingy and needs to know what I'm doing at all times. She's an ADHDer too, we're just different types of people.
I love solitude and I hate speaking so I totally get you.
The only people I've remained in contact with for years are the types who can send a few long emails every 6 months and not hear back for a while. We pick up like nothing happened and it works.
Otherwise I just can't do it.
Flattering, nona <3
We met online in the late 2000s sharing art. Friends first, online dating gradually. Moved in together after that. We've been going about 15 years.
I'm not interested in anyone, ever, so all my relationships (3 including this one) have been gradual tumbles from friendship. If not for my gf, I'd be single and living alone (and fine with that) though I'm satisfied with the way things are sans wanting a bit more time to myself.
Kek I have an online crush too, keep your fingers crossed for me!
Who first started flirting?
You really sound a lot like the person I'm crushing on, so it's kinda nice to hear about a relationship that ended up being succesful. 15 years, that's amazing!
Fingers crossed– you can do it. Best of luck.
Hm.. that's a hard one. She was going through a lot and I became her support system. We got close that way. I think we just realized gradually that we had feelings for each other. I'm not flirtatious but I can be a bit unintentionally aloof and that seems to be appealing for some (lol) but I was very warm with her.
We shared a lot and eventually I left home to move. It's been a bumpy road but things have settled considerably and we've both grown as people.
Thank you! I'm surprised myself, because I never imagined this outcome, but here we are. Anniversary is coming up in October.
it's not a chat thread to talk about your gf uwu. it's for talking about being on the spectrum>>1233949
wtf does this have to do with autism>>1233942
stop shitting up the thread. no1curr
Two women with ADHD discussing social and flirting dynamics and giving advice? What could that ever have to do with something that causes social impairment?
Take your meds anon.
they weren't talking about that though, they were discussing the anon's gf
now you're shitting up the thread arguing. just fucking stop
Does anyone have any experience with psilocybin and autism? I used to unselfconsciously exhibit very autistic behaviors until I was 21 and started experimenting with shrooms. I feel like in some way gave me a sense of self-awareness or perhaps broke down an enormous wall between myself and the world around me in a way that I never thought possible.
For example, I used to hold myself and rock all the time. Breaking that habit was nigh impossible. It embarrassed my parents and they were always trying desperately to get me to stop (they were the type of parents who dOn'T bElIeVe In MeNtAl IlLnEsS so I never got any treatment, just confusion and yelling at me to act normal). I always did well in school and made a few friends (usually fellow autists) so life wasn't terrible. But I couldn't make eye contact and I used to be repulsed and sickened by certain foods and human touch.
In college I wanted to be cool so I ended up dabbling in drugs. I hated most of them but shrooms I researched. I created the proper scenario and dosage in order to have "spiritual" experiences because when I get interested in something, no matter how weird, I tend to get very curious and go all the way. What happened was not necessarily "spiritual." I tripped out a lot by myself and when I came out of that summer I could make eye contact and had stopped stimming by pinching myself and rocking. I just stopped. Also, as I said before, I felt like I had been living behind a thick wall that cut me off from what people were thinking and feeling, and that wall nearly dissolved. It was also comparable to having a ringing in my ears that I didn't realize was there that had also stopped after that summer.
I still have the 'tism but I am able to mask in ways that are (generally) not exhausting and I very rarely struggle with social cues. No more stimming except sometimes I twirl my hair when I feel awkward. I still get into a "zone" when I'm stressed out at work where I become extremely hyperfocused and untouchable. It makes people uncomfortable because I can react badly if anything or anyone distracts me from my tasks. But, I used to be that way ALL the time, not just at work.
Anyway, sorry for the ramble, I am very curious if anyone here has any related experiences to share! I apologize if I sound crazy.
This question reeks of victim
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Stop trying to infight
Ffs, can we stop with the automatic defending of NTs and demonizing of autists already? This is one of the few places on the internet where autists can gather and vent, especially for female autists.
Some NTs ARE psychopaths or act that way towards autists. Being a repeat victim
of bullying is a near universal experience for autists. They even ask about it in assessments.
Stating that you’ve had bad experiences with NTs or prefer the autist mindset and way of doing things is fine. People are allowed different opinions. You are allowed to keep sucking off NTs if that’s what you prefer but take it elsewhere.
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If you aren't a triggered
NT, you sure play the part well. They don't need defending here.>>1234843
There's studies that show that autists will maintain the same ethical decision whether alone or observed by others, even when making a less ethical choice would benefit us: https://www.jneurosci.org/content/41/8/1699
This study portrays our "moral inflexibility" and cost consideration as a negative trait, but that's because autists are a minority. If we were the majority, the nonautistic trait of "moral flexibility" would definitely be seen as psychopathic, or at least a character flaw. I think the reason it's not seen as the negative trait it is is because most non-autists lack the self awareness to even know they're making unethical choices, and those that get close will rationalize their choices via self-serving feelings.
You have to wonder what the world would be like if there were more NDs than NTs. I think in many ways it would be better and probably worse in others (more meltdowns for sure).
I wish there was more conversations about the ways in which being (aspergers type) ND can be superior. Being more honest, often higher IQ, quiet workers, etc. It feels like most conversations focus on the negatives or people who have low iq, which is weird when you consider that a lot of people that NTs look up to (e.g. Einstein) were probably on the spectrum. NDs obviously aren’t superior in every single way but they aren’t inferior in every way either.
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>get in a situation where I'm talking to some new people
>talk to this one girl
>she admits that she's high-functioning autistic and was diagnosed at 17
>tell her that I'm autistic and how it's nice to see another autistic woman
>says that she recognised that I was autistic, but most normies won't be able to recognise it
>we talk a bit and it's nice
>she suggests that she might get into drug dealing
>I think that's weird but whatevs
>she talks about how she loves formula 1 racing
>she admits she watches 'bestgore' and 'r/morbid curiosity'
>says her autism sometimes is channelled into war as a topic
>she watches wendigoon, and so do I, so we bond over that a little
>tell her how 'I got to this site that's comfy but overtly misandrist and transphobic and gets spammed with gore by incels sometimes'
>idk why I mentioned lolcow. I didn't say 'lolcow' or anything so she still doesn't know about this site
>idgaf about 'transphobia', but I phrase it that way to seem more normie
>says that transphobia goes against her and her sister's values
>she doesn't seem to care that I visit a 'transphobic' site since she visits sites that 'sound sus' as well
>say that they sometimes stream movies on cytube
>the conversation shifts to weird stuff that happened when we were kids, how bad the local area is etc
>the conversation naturally shifts to her talking about how taking a psychology class made her realise that she experienced abuse when she was younger
>admit that I've never faced trauma like that
>says that I give off innocent vibes
>we exchange numbers
she's a bit of rough around the edges but she seems nice. I know the way I talked about her might've portrayed her in a negative light, but she does seem generally quite nice. We've hit it off quite nicely and It'd be nice to be friends with another autistic woman
>>1235275>Wow such empathy
if you're really trying to say that autists have higher empathy than the non-autists, boy do i have news to tell you kek >Such great cognitive skill
kekekekek same as above kekk>Hope you never need help since you’re attitude is why you have no one to call the end of the day
I love how you autists think that you're the only people in the world who have knowledge and interests in important shit - funny shit>NT not become friendless social retards by 30 challenge. Oops already failed?
tears are streaming down my face as i type, what is this projection??
I think you're a shit-stirring NT trying to justify a victim
complex. Kindly go back.
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The late diagnosed ADHD to substance abuse pipeline is real and I’m suffering and just want it to end
ok, whoever this is just lost the argument because they had to resort to being a grammar nazi
let's stop shitting up the thread now and get back on topic
This person doesn’t seem to realize that watching someone cry and getting sad is emotional empathy something spergs struggle with because the social part of our brains is wired differently so we develop improved cognitive empathy over time the ability to think and consider other peoples perspectives and experiences to relate to them. Something most NT lazily never work on because they’re so used to their> muh emotional empathy superpower
But overactive emotional empathy and self focus is just a personality disorder so the freak above is legit just proving the original anons point of NT being awful and entitled.
Lack of cognitive and overactive emotional is legit a huge part of personality disorders. We as spergs also can’t have Antisocial.
It’s also like being dyslexic is associated with being a sperg and can lead to spelling mistakes and them continuing is just proving they have narc tendencies. Interesting.
I think both “types” have their strengths and weaknesses and I wish there was more emphasis on embracing and appreciating our strengths instead of only correcting our weaknesses, as long as those weaknesses don’t negatively affect people around us.
My old workplace would have run 10x better if it employed a majority of (competent) autistic people. The work required us to be very focused, meticulous, detail-oriented and willing to repeat certain tasks ad nauseam. Turbonerds, essentially. Instead the boss kept hiring party frat boys who half-assed everything and left early to get beers several times a week. All of them were technically qualified and I’m sure they were fun at parties but they were objectively bad at their jobs and I was constantly having to pick up their slack. The worst part is that they didn’t even seem to realise this, like they seemed to think work just got done magically over the weekend after they all left, and would bully anyone who didn’t fit in with them until the person quit.
I went into STEM believing that traits like mine would be valued but instead I find myself being taken for granted while charismatic nt people take advantage and walk away with all the credit. It really sucks.>>1235292
This is my experience too. It’s like they can only see the parts we’re “missing”, not the things we excel at. Or they downplay the importance of the things we’re good at. Those coworkers I mentioned would act like they were being held to impossible standards whenever anyone asked them to do things that were literally in the job description. Instead of considering that maybe they’d be a better fit at a different job if they couldn’t fulfil the requirements of this one, they decided that the expectations were unreasonable and “nobody” could reach those standards so we might as well throw them out and go get a beer. Meanwhile most high functioning autistic people I know would have no problem whatsoever reaching those standards, but they’re no fun at parties so they don’t count.
I’m exhausted so I’m rambling, I’m sorry. I hope this made sense to someone.
you guys sure spammed about the bpds in the last one, also in the vent thread(s)
What I am trying to say is that a person's cognitive empathy is not particularly high if they cannot put themselves in the shoes of others who're not similar to themselves, autistic or NT
Where did I shit on Bipolar people? Bipolar isn’t a PD and is a mood disorder that can be exasperated or worsened by outside stimuli but ultimately is genetic. If anything you putting bipolar and PwBPD in the same cup is a harmful generalization for both groups? Seems like you’re projecting and I hit the nail on the head. Why don’t you go check your own shit and out of check emotions anon? >>1235392
I empathize a and relate a lot to your struggles nonnie
. It’s hard for them to see us.
I wish someone would make an ND oriented university focused on ND learning styles, similar to Gallaudet (deaf university). I worked as a language teacher briefly and I always had issues because I would go through the work too quickly for the students, but from my perceptive, it wasn't quick enough (I've studied a few languages myself).
Imagine if instead of lectures (complete waste of time writing things down as printers exist these days), the course was focused on self learning (with limits and guidance) and doing deep dives on course topics, which you can then discuss in detail with the professor.
Deadlines would be much more flexible and presentations would only be judged on the content, not whether you look happy and wave your arms around enough.
Everyone would get a single room to live in.
There would be no minimum number of members for societies, allowing many autists to connect over niche interests.
The lighting would be dimmer, the cafeteria food ND friendly, no loud noisy events.
NDs having one uni while NTs having thousands would be unfair. Of course they don't see it that way.
Gallaudet does allow hearing people I think but i wouldn't want NTs at an ND uni.
If you love socializing and don’t have sensory issues. You aren’t a sperg.
Being rude and liking things doesn’t make you autistic. Sounds like you have no idea what it is.
Why? I'm not NT but I would never go there. If it's an American university it would be private and very expensive. I doubt it would also have a very big alumni base or a large endowment. It would probably be like one of those random LAC in the middle of nowhere. It's not like hearing people are clambering to get into Galludet, which really isn't that prestigious.
I went to a fairly prestigious university in an urban setting that's supposed to have a good social life so no thanks.
I never said that everyone with high functioning autism has great work ethic. I’m saying that this job required people with a set of traits that are typical of (a subset of) people with high functioning autism, but the boss would rather ignore people like that in favour of unsuitable stereotypically nt bros because nt bros are what he considered normal.>>1235406
lol no there are many things I suck at. However there are some niches where I ought to fit in really well and it’s frustrating to have people take that away from me. Round pegs, being the majority, hammering every hole into a round one until us square pegs have nowhere to go.
I’m going to sleep.
Some autists are social and prefer high sensory loads though. Lots of autists love to go on about how everyone with autism is different. I also score pretty high on autism diagnosis tests for a woman and was evaluated for ASD when I was younger so it's not like I'm bringing this up out of nowhere>>1235432
My mom is overbearing about some shit but she actually never told me to make more eye contact. So maybe it's just a good sign I'm not a sperg. idk
I work in STEM too. I’m sorry anon. It’s rough and they laugh like fat cats about their lack of work and education it’s honestly shameful. I don’t know how they can do it. I can’t put out bad work and when they eventually get found out for doing nothing they want sympathy as they lose their job. I have none. I did both of ours and you got the raise.
I just focus on my work and education and am focused on being as high paid and specialized as I can to get away from them.
nta but you're coming off as really hostile. also i don't know how many of us want all of our symptoms, unless you meant have and I'm misunderstanding?>>1235454
Please ignore them. Backreading the threads and seeing whether you relate to another anons experiences might be helpful. It's hard to just conjure up a list of autistic traits because much of the time autism affects most of our experiences? So it's hard to list everything at once, but listening to other autistic women and relating to our experiences is a good first step to figuring yourself out. If it sounds like stuff you've experienced your whole life, you might be autistic, if very little of it does, you might not be.
I'm just looking for more clarification. Even if you told me about the brain stuff, how am I supposed to interpret that when I don't have any background in it?
Maybe it would help if I listed my traits. Here's some things I identify with
>Being different/quirky>Not being socially successful>Having a hard time picking up on jokes/sarcasm sometimes>Bad on picking up romantic cues>Having hyperfixations>Speaking out of turn>Needing a blanket to fall asleep at night>Enjoying sniffing things>Having a rigid moral code
Mind you I have ADHD so idk if some of those traits could be explained
And here's the stuff I don't relate to:
>Having meltdowns>Having sensory issues (besides loud noises when I'm trying to concentrate)>Not enjoying being social>Hating fluorescent lights>Hating parties>Having a great work ethic>Being shy
there are 5 forms of bipolar and all can develop from environmental factors i.e. childhood trauma - celebrity example, azealia banks has diagnosed bipolar as a result of her mother's repeated mental and physical abuse - calling her ugly, worthless,beating her,etc - followed by a coddling period where her mother would give her whatever she physically wanted and then would repeat the physical and mental abuse once again, repeating the cycle until azealia permanently left home to live with one of her sisters in middle school i.e she developed bipolar disorder from parental abuse>>1235419
yeah bpd is misdiagnosed/overdiagnosed a majority of the time. The fact that therapists/psychologists/etc misdiagnose bpd and adhd/autism for each other a lot should say something tho
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Any nona here was diagnosed with social anxiety? It's been half a year since I'm going to see a psychiatrist and I've been told yesterday I have social anxiety, however the psychiatrist also brought up the possibility of female Asperger's. He's still not sure if it's one or the other, so I'm still being evaluated. Whats the difference? (I ask here because google seems to show very outdated info about the differences)
The symptoms of social anxiety matchs up with what I feel, however i also show traits of Asperger's such as sensibility to textures, sounds (I go out with ear plugs, or else I get disoriented with all the noises around me) I tend to not look at people in the eyes, just to name a few.
Anybody else is or was in the same situation as me?
this is exactly why autism in women isnt taken seriously, most women who have high functioning autism are forced to mask behavior and mimic all of their life which is very hard and stressful by the way, because if they dont mask then they wll face bullying, ridicule and even physical assault in some cases.
this ''autist women are perfect and are just like neurotypicals'' are exactly why actual autistic women never go to get diagnosed and instead its the attention seeking, tiktok girls who have no identity who go and try to get (false) diagnoses.
Hey anons as someone who had actual social anxiety im going to give you some actual advice.
Social anxiety is never just social anxiety, many times it is caused by something to trigger
it, and the only way to to lessen the social anxiety is to find out the underlying cause. The underlying causes could be alot, it could be health related, hormones, mental illness, autism, trauma, negative self perception ,paranoia, upbringing etc etc etc.
Take my advice the only way for you to get rid of it is to find out the underlying cause because all doctors will do is is give you meds or therapy that wont work.
DA but I agree. I honestly wish I did CBT or something (I know you said therapy won't work, but I think some kind of discussion with a professional about your life and what led to become anxious is helpful) instead of taking medications because the side effects made me worse. I realized the hard way my anxiety was more of a trauma trigger
and social phobia than solely a matter of brain chemicals (but that could be the reason for some people)
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So i'm hoping at some point to be assessed for autism, but the system in my country (Switzerland) is very confusing. You never know what's covered or how much something costs until you get the bills for it. For example I paid 1600 overall for STD testing, a UTI diagnosis and consulting a doctor about sleeping issues, even though my health insurance was deductible after 300 I ended up paying way more myself, for what reason I don't know.
My point is that it would be for me, with my management skills, very difficult to see through being diagnosed and possibly very expensive. But I got tinnitus 2 years ago and found out that people with sensitive hearing are much more likely to get it, which I know I have because people are amazed at things I pick up on, but I hate it. I feel like a rabbit listening out for predators, it's constantly on and I can't turn it off and relax, like I HAVE to listen to the bullshit a loud group of kids are saying on the bus. As an aside, I bought pic related which dampen frequencies and make sounds not so abrasive, it's not a miracle worker but for me it helps on a night out.
Anyway,I do suspect I have it. From my mum asking what's wrong with me through the years when I was a kid (which is messed up in hindsight, if she really thought something was wrong then get me help instead of shaming me maybe?), to just a year ago when a frenemy colleage told me that other coworkers thought that there's something missing on my part when I talk to them, and honestly despite being a hard worker I was on thin ice because people generally didn't like me. I feel like I never fit in, and i'm too stupid, too sensitive and I suppose too abrasive.
Point is, what would a diagnosis really do if I were to get it? Like with tinnitus I found out that the only therapy is to reframe it and accept the condition as is because there's no cure. Is it the same for autism if you're generally high functioning? Are they just like "love yourself <3" if you're not having daily meltdowns and not being fired from every job? Because in that case I feel it wouldn't be worth risking the cost of the process.
It’s like even anxiety or panic attacks isn’t. You can have generalized anxiety but it will be called that and you can have an anxiety disorder that’s exasperated by social situations or a panic disorder that is triggered
by social situations, but it won’t be labeled social anxiety.
, the other anon can go eat crap.
Actual social anxiety is hell and very similar to paranoia and delusions.
Sadly there is alot of attention seekers on the internet and social media who want to claim depression, anxiety, autism and Tourette's so then because of them dumb cunts go and accuse people who actually have the disorder of it not ''existing'' or of them having something else.
Every social phobia help site is filled with people who do not have it, people who think just because they are shy or awkward that means they have it.
I remember a person with actual social anxiety made a post on those sites about being afraid of what they think because they get delusions about people reading their thoughts and everyone told them they must be schizo when in fact what they described is normal for people with severe social phobia.
Social anxiety is very similar to delusions and paranoia the only difference is they are self-aware, but most people think this disorder means shyness due to the fact that the majority people who claim to have it are just shy or attention seeking people.
What the fuck are you retards talking about? Social anxiety disorder is listed as such in the DSM-V and has been recognized to commonly co-occur with ADHD for a long time.>>1236209
Paranoid delusions are not a feature of social anxiety disorder. That person was, in fact, a schizo.
Yeah, I have the same thank you issues. Either too much or not enough.
Your friend is being extra about the streaming thing though. I've never seen anyone that the host for that
Nona, you should know how sensitive autists can be to certain things. I've been diagnosed with autism since I was 13, and I actually started working with autistic children at a special school for them.
The picture is hideous. It bothers me a lot. It has kept me from posting in this thread since it was made. Pls don't bully autists for being autistic.
I feel like everyone on the internet claiming to have ADHD/ADD has made me completely unsure if I have it myself when people have suggested I might. I can't tell if I just can't focus because the world we live in is incredibly distracting, or my brain is weird.>>1245322
Same. Either people are terminally online and treat it like a cringe baby club, or non-internet normies pity me as if I were one of those nonverbal autistic kids. I used to explain it to people specifically because of the food thing like >>1245335
, but I gave up and just have to deal with people thinking I'm a picky eater because I haven't tried.
Christ the amount of people who don’t understand AFRAID kills me. Like yes I enjoy being able to eat one side of potatoes for 12 hours because I was so overstimulated I couldn’t handle the sensation of food and eating. It never occurred to me I could just put food in my mouth and swallow?
You rant all you want. I’ll listen. Literally the only reason I haven’t given up is I’ve met one or two women who I get on with and we understand each other. That type of connection is unmatchable in mixed ND and non ND friendships. But I will judge self diagnosing at this point. If you SD we can’t be friends. It’s the fastest way to dodge red flags. No one I know who’s actually autistic is quick to share it or proud of it.