/ot/ - off-topic

Tips for masking, nonas?
>Maintain eye contact; 1/3 eye contact during talking; 2/3 eye contact when listening
>Mirror the other persons body gestures
>Walk with body posture open
>Avoid monotony. Neurotypicals speak with a grounded voice and more inflection
>Neurotypicals want to have a reason to have small talk, and are typically much more receptive in situations where you need "help." Practise by asking for help.
Feel free to add more

>>2346467
Omg anon, just ask people questions about themselves. It's like the last thing autists ever think of and it's so easy. You just figure out what makes them happy to discuss and ask questions about that like you're genuinely interested. Pretend they're telling you about a new game, manga or husbando and listen while asking follow-up questions. You don't have to pretend to need help because people will find that annoying. Autists should worry less about annoying people and find a way to exist in a relaxed state, in other people's company. Mirroring people's body language is noticeable and creepy for non-autists who detect and pickup on stuff like that easily. You can look around their home for cues about their interests or even their clothing and history. A person who travels a lot will love to have someone to share their stories with, since the average person finds that pretty boring to listen to. If you already love small talk and mundane conversations, that's basically your superpower since other people's interests are generally boring to most people. Use your advantages to your benefit, rainman style. Stop worrying so much. Many people find the eccentric/friendly autist charming, the mirroring/lying autist reminds people of skinwalkers or PDs. Stick to what you know, which could very well be interesting and unusual directed questions and comments about one particular topic

>>2346467
I think it's really different for everyone. I mask most of the time, but I have to choose different masks (so to speak) depending on the situation I'm in. You have to be like a mirror; reflect the atmosphere around you. If I'm at a book club, I'll be more verbose, more sarcastic; if I'm at a party, I'll be more bubbly, more energetic; if I'm at church, I'll be more solemn, more pensive. All those traits are part of my core personality, it's just about choosing which parts of me to show the people around me in a given situation.

I don't think of 'masking' as anything major. I think it's just about projecting a good, friendly personality. A lot of people, autistic or not, act differently out in public than they do at home. I don't think masking is about becoming non-autistic, it's more just about blunting some of the traits that normies find the most grating. Like, when I'm around people I know & trust, I'm quite the chatterbox, but of course around strangers I need to reel that in and be more careful with my words.

>Practise by asking for help.
I'd really caution against this. You never want to look too naïve, or too helpless, in public. Asking for help might seem to get you more attention, but it puts a target on your back too. It's better instead to talk about open ended things, like: weather, recent events, or appropriate situational topics. Almost everyone will complain about the weather with you if you bring it up. Small talk is actually really easy once you get the hang of it, I'll never understand people that "hate small talk."
>Mirror the other persons body gestures
Don't do this.

>>2346474
>If I'm at a book club, I'll be more verbose, more sarcastic; if I'm at a party, I'll be more bubbly, more energetic; if I'm at church, I'll be more solemn, more pensive.
Everything you've described just sounds like regular social adaptations we all make, depending on what is appropriate. A neurotypical person wouldn't behave the same way at a nightclub that they do at church or a book club. Everyone wants to put ~their best face forward~ and act appropriately, regardless of the situation. People who don't would be seen as not having manners or social awareness.

>>2346471
>>2346474
That's true, nonas. I'm just trying to get a conversation going regarding socialization. I'm on my way to peruse previous threads.
I find it that "being myself" doesn't work often. I am energetic and I like attention and talking to people, so my default state just makes me spill out my differences so much more easily and NTs start to take me for an idiot

>>2346471
NTA but I often come off as creepy when I do this kek. But it's good advice

>>2346476
You must live in Heaven and I'm jealous.
>>2346515
The trick is to keep the conversation light and the questions general, like "did you see any good movies lately?" and not "what's your favourite movie?" The questions should be vague and open-ended, not specific.

Fellow autist nonas do you act more real or fake around other autists?
I just realized that while I can be honest to my closest autist friends, most autists I know are insanely woke extremists with black and white thinking. Compared to normies who I can have controversial opinions around the autists have 0 tolerance for that at all. Normies can at least "agree to disagree".

>>2347087
I kind of have to pussyfoot around them and it makes me feel deceptive which is why I don't get too close to other autists.

>>2347087
I don't like most other autists. I usually end up avoiding them before I realize they're autistic because they're grating to me. My friends are usually non-autists with ADHD.

Here are a list of things that ive internalized and have been working on over the years. I would appreciate if you would leave your own tips in the comments. It would be nice to make a master list of social tips and tricks. Ive probably missed some things, and im hoping you guys will fill in the blanks and teach me some new things. Apologies if these are written strangely, I'm not the best at articulating my thoughts.
Maintain meaningful eye contact to establish presence. Shifty eyes can indicate discomfort and a lack of confidence.
Stop speaking from the back of your throat and start speaking from your chest.
Avoid looking at the floor, always look straight forward or up.
You can practice the way you talk by recording a conversation with yourself every day. This helps you articulate yourself better, which is a big aspect of confidence.
Smiles and laughter are contagious. Same with enthusiasm.
People love hearing their names, say them frequently. Nicknames may also help to endear you to them, but i haven't thoroughly tested this.
Chest out, shoulders back. Good posture = confidence. Take up space. Hold yourself like a king.
A conversation takes place entirely in the moment, stop thinking about what youre going to say, or what you have said, and work on being present. Devote all of your attention to the conversation at hand to establish presence. When you find your mind wandering, take a deep breath and bring yourself back to the moment. On this same note, avoid fidgeting (sign of discomfort) or playing with something (like your phone) when in a conversation.
Whether people conciously realize it or not, anxiety is always noticeable, and infectious. Take a deep breath and calm yourself.
People like beautiful people, but theres only so much you can do to your face. Be healthy and dress nice to maximize your looks. (Theres a whole lot i could go into on picking the right outfit for the occasion, but itd be too much for this post)
This one is a half baked observation that i haven't properly tested yet. Beauty comes from symmetry, but if you're anything like me, youre not beautiful or symmetrical. Slightly exaggerated facial expressions (dont go overboard) can help to hide this and probably make you seem more personable.
Ask people for favors. People like feeling useful.
To establish friendliness (agreeableness?), sit next to someone rather than across from them.
Body follows mind, mind follows body. Its almost impossible to conciously maintain confident body language. But if you can get yourself in a confident mindset (fake it till you make it works wonders here) your body will follow. Equally, if youre having a hard time getting yourself in a good mood, go somewhere private and throw your hands in the air, start dancing, jump around, etc. This one is lame, but its hard to be in a bad mood when youre like that. If you have good enough charisma you may actually be able to do this in front of others and you might find that your projected exitement becomes contagious (caution, know your crowd).
Adding on to the last point, to be charismatic, you need to be in a charismatic mood. A bad mood will ruin your social skills, so learn to control your emotions.
Make people feel unique and special. Modern people like hearing about how theyre different from others (in good ways).
A persons favorite topic is themselves. (This is a big one)
Compliments are great, but make them meaningful. Compliments on appearance tend to have less of an effect on women, but both men and women appreciate compliments on personality traits like kindness, attitude, intelligence, etc. Strike a balance though. Dont excessively compliment lest they take them for granted and they lose their value.
Make people associate your appearance/presence with pleasent things. You want to reward people for talking to you and being around you. Gifts and good smells work well, but good feelings work the best. This one is difficult to establish (im still trying to figure it out myself, I would very much appreciate if someone could add on to this), but try not to make people associate negative feelings with you (awkwardness and anxiety are big killers on this one).
Make people seek you out. If you initiate conversation too often, it can turn people off from you. Conversation with you is a treat, people should come to you to earn it.
Mimic body language. In the event that your partner is exhibiting negative body language, continue to mimic them but slowly transform your own body language into that of confident body language, and oftentimes your partner will follow and inadvertently cheer themselves up. Mind follows body.
Adopt certain phrases/sayings/metaphors/etc based on the interests of the person youre talking to.
First impressions are incredibly important
Establish yourself as reliable. Be the first to rise to a challenge. Be the first to speak when the waiter asks for your order.
A healthy amount of mystery is important to keep people interested in you.
Offer comfort, not advice (unless asked).
Recognize harmful thought processes and quell them quickly. I tend to sabotage my own conversations when theyre going too well, and i start doubting that i can keep it going. Recognize these doubts, take a deep breath, and regain your presence.
Good social skills are boosted by a genuine love and interest in people. If you want a reliable way to practice social skills, eat at a restauraunt alone and make conversation with your server. They have an incentive to talk to you (tips) so you'll always find a decent conversation partner.
A lot of your social skill has to do with your internal state. Its difficult to do anything socially when youre also trying to overcome anxiety, apathy, and low self esteem. Most confident people never have to think about things this hard. Think of the queen bee in high school, or the stars of the football team. Everybody loves them, but i don't remember seeing any of them pick up "how to win friends and influence people". The strength of us less charismatic people is that we've been forced to assess our own inadequacy, and through diligent research and study, we've learned the ins and outs of conversation. We have comprehensive and thorough knowledge of what makes people charismatic. If you can conquer your internal roadblocks, talking to people will be a walk in the park.

>>2334883
>>2334892
>>2335003
Kek @ trying to gatekeep autism even when people have a legit medical diagnosis. If this were true, autism spaces wouldn't be filled with 90% self-diagnosed retards. Getting diagnosed with autism as an adult is near impossible.

>>2347217
Not trying to be mean, but a lot of these aren't "tips," they're traps.
>>2347237
You missed the conversation by 9 days.

>>2347238
>they're traps
Do elaborate

Masking is fake bullshit. If it is real, then every normie also "masks."

Are there any female creators/writers with ADHD that had been diagnosed as a child? All I ever see online are women diagnosed in their 20/30s and I have a hard time connecting with them, because their experiences are so different than mine.

>>2347254
If you as an autistic don't understand the concept of masking then you either don't mask at all and have no friends because of that or you aren't autistic.

>>2347263
Honestly atp I do wonder if the concept of AuDHD where a normal person who is shit at communicating and incapable of holding their attention for long should be characterized as it's own ailment that's probably influenced by external factors like social media consumption and brainrot

>>2347237
>Getting diagnosed with autism as an adult is near impossible.
Maybe for you, I got diagnosed really easily as an adult because I simply fit the criteria. I'd personally say there were some "red flags" to me getting diagnosed, and I still got it.
>>2347254
I don't mask so I didn't really understand what it was until recently. I thought like you that it's just like when normies have different personalities depending on the situation, like being serious at work and goofy at home. But it's not, it's supposed to mean when autists (iirc coined specifically for female autists because men didn't tend to do it at all) mimic actions of normies to fit in.

To give an example. A football team has red shirts, so the normies who are fans buy their red shirts. A normie sees that and goes "oh I'm not super into sports, but I don't mind representing the team when we hang out together" so they buy one. An autist sees it and goes "wait they're all wearing the same clothes? I must also buy and wear this shirt since that seems important to do" and then they get confused when someone asks who their favorite player is because they didn't understand it was a football thing. They were just mimicking without understanding in an attempt to fit in. That's masking.

>>2347389
That is not masking.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Autistic_masking

>>2347424
You can't trust wikipedia anon, retards online literally change it in real time to suit themselves and fake-autism is very much part of the woke crowd that does it

>>2347217
My first tip is to learn how to space things out so you don't post a massive hard-to-read wall of text.
>>2347238
>Not trying to be mean, but a lot of these aren't "tips," they're traps.
No idea what this means, I think most of what anon wrote are good general pointers to social interactions?

Saw myself in a camera yesterday and god I look so childlike and stereotypically retarded, even my posture and movement are weird. It’s no wonder people think I’m an idiot and treat me like a stupid child but I’ve no clue how to solve this

>>2347438
Same, anon, same. From my high pitched voice to my stupid pair of glasses to my strange slouch. I have the face of a 30 year old and the demeanor of a 5 year old at the ripe age of 21. It truly is strange

>>2347289
>you don't mask at all
True, because masking is not real.
>you have no friends
Also true, but it's more due to voluntary isolation than anything.
>>2347389
Literally bullshit. Every normie tries to fit in.

>>2347463
>Voluntary isolation
I did use to isolate myself "voluntarily" as an adaptation to my preeminent social isolation. I find it hard now after growing up because I'm really just terrified of living without a support system because my family is very small and I can't rely on my mom for long

>>2347438
I wear kind of mature clothes, heels, and makeup to help with this. In my case it’s more about wanting to be taken seriously and I’d rather be seen as aloof and offputting than awkward and confused. I also stopped seeing my existence as inherently worse than theirs and this helped. I’ve built up a huge degree of confidence because I stopped caring if I can fit their exact bill of how to act at social functions and started just fully showing up as me.

>>2347463
>Literally bullshit. Every normie tries to fit in.
So you agree with the post then.

>>2347438
>I’ve no clue how to solve this
>my posture and movement are weird
You've clearly identified the issue, just work on your posture and movements!

>>2347488
It’s so hard to work on something so ingrained though, half of the time I don’t even know what I look like or how I’m standing, I just know it’s ‘off’

>>2347459
Yup this is me (albeit I look about 12 with a flat side of hair and have the body to match). I attract so many creepy and disgusting moids that I’ve given up on dating until I can sort myself out

>>2347438
Same nona. I have a weird gait and I stutter so people clock me immediately.

>>2347500
>It’s so hard to work on something so ingrained though
That's why it's "work on" and not "get a magical 5 second fix". See a physiotherapist and explain your issues, just be honest and tell them you're autistic and that you feel this is an issue for you. There's no reason to wallow in self-pity when people have it as their job to help you sort it out! Worst thing that can happen is they go "nope, you're unfixable" but at least then you can actually say you tried and it's not your fault.

Cheaper options include looking up videos on youtube on how to improve your posture and try their exercises. And if you like other anons mention are seriously worried about how you walk and want to change it then it's super easy to study it. Look at any video or movie that has women walking normally and you read it as normal. Then set up your phone to film yourself walking around. See if you can pin point more exactly what it is you do that they don't. Using my own experiences in what I think looks "off" when others walk you could look for:
>not keeping your back straight (I think this is the biggest offender)
>shoulders up too high like you're covering in fear
>turtle necking (again related to keeping your back straight) by sticking your neck out forwards instead of up
>shuffling your feet, not lifting them off the ground properly
>hand placement 1, keeping your hands/arm against your chest/front area so it looks like you're sneaking around
>hand placement 2, wildly waving your arms around too much (kids do this a lot)
If you look at picrel you can see that literally just changing the posture makes this woman look totally different, the left looks like she'd awkwardly shuffle along by default. Even if the left walks normally with her legs her poor posture is gonna give her an air of "lurking" which looks off. Just by making sure her back is straight she instantly just reads as normal. And the good thing is that practicing keeping your back straight and in a good posture can be done anywhere at any time! Even if you're out around people nobody thinks adjusting your back to stand or sit up more straight is weird in any way.

>>2347714
Scoliosis is a bitch. Thanks anyway nona

>>2346467
Look a bit above the nose, like the lower forehead next to the eyebrows in order to fake eye contact. Be sure to not stare too intensely and to look away briefly at certain times, but not too far away from the speaker or they'll call you out as rude or distracted. Make sure not to look away and instead try to have a more relaxed posture/eyelids when you're having a serious or emotional conversation or you'll be accused of being insincere.
Give some type of confirmation or reaction that you're listening, like nodding "hmm-hmms" or gestures and changes in posture.
Since we're talking about posture, does anyone know how to walk less "weird"? I've been clocked before just because of the way I walk, is there any guide on how to walk or something? Even when I have a nice posture my movement looks off.

>>2347728
>Scoliosis is a bitch
With all due respect, if you're any of the previous nonas who said "I don't know how they spot me just from walking or what I'm doing wrong" while fully aware you have scoliosis… I think you do know why. In that case you could literally just inform people you have scoliosis and they won't think you're a retard just because you walk funny. I still think keeping your neck and head high would give you the appearance of looking more normal.
>>2347776
>does anyone know how to walk less "weird"? I've been clocked before just because of the way I walk, is there any guide on how to walk or something?
I wrote all >>2347714 and you won't even read it smh. If you're able to tell you walk weird, you should be able to compare yourself to an average person walking and spot what is different by playing both videos over and over. If the way you walk looks normal to you, why bother trying to change it?

>>2347837
Okay you don't have to get aggressive all because some anons are saying your PostureMaxxing 3000 guide isn't good.

>>2347714
>That's why it's "work on" and not "get a magical 5 second fix".
DA but this line changed my whole mindset on everything I've been brooding about for the past 12 months so thank you nonna I love you.

>>2347880
That was not being aggressive, I mean this genuinely and nicely but you should try to not take everything as a personal attack on you. It's a normal post, I just don't walk on egg shells with my fellow retards and instead treat them like I would any normal person including some light sass.
>>2347886
You're welcome nona! Good luck with whatever things you were brooding over. Sometimes you need to get the brooding out of you before you can snap out of it and go get things done I love you too go get 'em girl

>>2347980
you're extremely cringe

>>2348564
bitch I'm autistic, what else did you expect kek

Don't get mad at me don't get mad at me I'm just severely autistic and confused, I don't understand the world around me.
Soo does any other autistic here also doesn't understand human sexual intimacy? To me it looks like all the ways as a woman you can get stimulation in heterosexual intimacy or all the things you can do in it is serve dick, as if everything exists for male pleasure for expl. I don't understand why women suck dick if it only serves men. So my problem is that I can't comprehend sexual intimacy due to this and I get overwhelmed while trying to even understand it, bc sometimes this shit makes no logical sense like the sucking dick shit they say they do it for their own pleasure, but it only pleasures men physically. Another thing is that the most realistic sex video I've seen was some twitter couple, natural lighting, normal camera, average bodies and even tho the movements were slow, the woman looked like she's being stabbed in the mouth, her mouth looked stretched from male genitals. It looked like sadomasochism. Sexual intimacy looks like sadomasochism to me and I cannot fucking understand it. I don't even understand female sexuality and the meaning of it, anytime women share their sex lives, I just hear male pleasure male pleasure male pleasure male pleasure. I wish someone could explain it all to am autist like me, because I can't get a natural thing, and I'm constantly agitated over the way sex looks like for women, I don't understand why as a woman I have a position in sex that makes absolutely zero logical sense to me, because sex is supposedly supposed to be something cool, fun where you get served and have power. I don't understand the intimacy between a man and a woman body… Why is intimacy for a woman about male pleasure? I don't understand sex… Please help me anyone else feels like this, I know a lot of autists can't comprehend sex either. I'm soooooo fucking confused over other women sexual behaviors, but I'm not allowed to ask questions, I'm not allowed any explanations. I'm a struggling autistic kek

>>2348704
Same anon as previous post, I agree, some of us can't help being cringe or even straightforward like me because… we're autistic

>>2348858
>To me it looks like all the ways as a woman you can get stimulation in heterosexual intimacy or all the things you can do in it is serve dick
Some parts of sex don't have anything to do with serving dick. Why are you only focusing on blowjobs? There's more to sex than blowjobs and most women don't even do them. There's rubbing and fingering, cunninglingus etc, things men can do to a women that pleasure her that have nothing to do with dick. There's even a whole degenerate fetish dedicated to men being locked in chastity cages where they literally can't use their dicks. Sex is nuanced.

One of the worst parts about my autism is that I genuinely find it hard to lie and to go against my morals. I hate troon ideology and think it's extremely harmful, and while I don't need everyone to know about my troon views I find it super hard to lie about it when asked. I know I can't be honest about it or I lose social connections, and as autists we often can't afford that because finding new ones is near impossible.

In the troon threads there's been posts like "just lie about it then" but I just struggle so much with it. Having to pretend that I think cutting up mentally ill people and kids is ok, or that I think a man is a woman or even just having to use the wrong pronouns for a person… it's just so hard! I don't know exactly why I can't just lie like a normal person. Does anyone else struggle with this?

>>2348901
This might still fall under lying, but I've had some luck pretending not to know about it when confronted with TRAs, and save my real views for the older normies who agree with me that males don't belong in women's bathrooms or sports teams. I haven't had to do this yet, but I'm fully ready to 'blame' my autism if TRAs come at me for "transphobia" and pretend that I can't understand this weird newfangled social game and that they're being mean ableists for using my disability against me. But I'm visibly retarded (like t-rex arms and everything), ymmv if you aren't an obvious 'tist.

>>2348858
>Soo does any other autistic here also doesn't understand human sexual intimacy?
Jumping off your post, but it's very common autistic people including men also don't understand sex and find it icky. Usually troons are divided into just AGP and HSTS but I think there should be a third group called something like ASC "autistic sex confusion". It's men who due to their autistic birth condition find sex gross and confusing, they typically hate their male body parts and usually through online grooming get convinced it means they're women. They're basically asexual and it's truly not an AGP fetish for these men, they are literally so developmentally delayed they are repulsed by sex similar to how a child would be.

>>2348858
oh my fucking god blowjob """"chan"""" shut up

>>2348858
You don't need to understand sexual intimacy unless you want to get involved in it. Just treat people talking about sex the way you would them talking about sports/anime/whatever else they're into that you Just Don't Get. Just don't think about it. Live your life free of those shackles. Be one of those autists who documents every insect species in your village instead of obsessing over other people's bedroom activities of which you will never be involved. It's healthier.

Does anyone not nor bother to make friends because you noticed all of your former friendships are one sided?

>>2349230
Yeah, I've expierenced it both ways too. It's like there's an invisible wall that keeps me from bonding with others.

>>2349230
I'm getting to this point. I feel like no matter what I do, people just forget about me once they don't see me for a few weeks. I'm the person people like to hang out with when we're in a class setting but as soon as that's done I'm no longer interesting, they don't reply to texts, don't care to meet up, etc.

>>2348858
Anon you clearly have an unhealthy sexual fixation. Like >>2348947 said there's literally no reason for you to "understand" any of it unless you want to partake in it. The fact that you literally watch blow job videos on twitter tells us a lot about how fixated you are and what kind of hyper sexual spaces you hang around. Most normies think at least one if not all aspects of anal sex, BDSM, pegging, choking etc is gross and wouldn't ever partake in it, but they don't hyperfixate on it trying to "understand" it. They just think "ew, sounds gross and not for me" and move on.

I would even say not understanding and sharing sexual turn ons of others IS the norm. Grab any average middle aged bloke of the street and 99% of women would think sleeping with him sounds repulsing, but he has a loving wife at home who has eyes for no other man. Nobody else on the entire planet sees him in a sexual way but her. Going around all day fixated and wondering how the hell she can see him as sexually attractive would be insane, would it not?

>>2349230
Yeah but in the opposite way of what I assume you meant. I'd make friends with normies who like me when I do whatever they're interested in, but they didn't care at all about my interests. So they end up liking me, but I feel nothing towards them because they don't like the "real" me.

>>2349237
Do you open up about yourself?
>>2349239
This happens to me too. I’m good at making charismatic first impressions.
>>2349270
I feel this. Are you a good listener? I often become a good sounding board for talkative people

>>2349252
>>2348947
Literally everywhere else, everyone overshares the details of their sex lives or fantasies which are the actual facts. If someone has a libido of fucking course they want to have a sex life and be involved. Is it not true that women experience pleasure differently from men when they have sex with each other. Why can't you just be straightforward about this when someone asks anonymously. Why is it such a violation of privacy when you're probably going to sperg in another thread about how much you love dick.
>>2348865
This is retarded. The main way women have sex is PiV. They experience pleasure from a man going inside of them. So a man getting pleasure from feeling the inside of their body. Instead of experiencing pleasure from going inside of something. Why are they satisfied with this difference. What is so empowering/desirable about being the female getting fucked by a man?

>>2349334
I've been sitting dumbfounded for the past 5 minutes trying to read this post. I know this is the autism thread but I always assumed that it was implicit that this was a level one autism thread. Maybe we need a different thread for anons like you?

>>2349334
All I see is too much yapping and not enough time documenting insects. This is the autism thread, obsessing about dick can't be your special interest. What do you actually do for fun?

>>2349345
How is it cool or fun that the main focus in heterosexual sex is the guy's dick? It physically revolves around that. And the woman just seems secondary, physically. How can women get a sense of power out of that?

Is it worth getting tested for autism if people have told me that maybe I should? I already have an ADHD diagnosis. I don't want to fake claim stuff

>>2349421
The only reason to get an autism diagnosis is if you need specific accommodations that you can't already get with the diagnoses you have, or documentation for neetbux. It does literally nothing for social acceptance especially when there's so many malingerers getting dx'd these days.

I love my autism. I think that having autism is one of my favourite things about myself. Sometimes I feel so much joy inside me that it seems like my heart is gonna burst. I love all my autistic family and autistic friends too. Sometimes I sit in the sunshine by flowers and trees and I pray that everyone can feel this lightness that I feel.

>>2349646
I'm catching your good vibes and sending them right back atchu nonny. Thanks for being a bright spot, and hope your next time in the trees is full of crisp fresh air!

>>2349425
this x100. Unless you are planning on NEETing out there's no point.

Nonnas my irl childhood friend got diagnosed with autism but I think it's trauma instead because she grew up heavily neglected (we're talking rats in her bedroom and maggots in the kitchen). How do I convince her that she should get a PTSD diagnosis "as well". Idk if this is the right place to ask. She might actually have autism but she seems too sociable even though she can't hold a job down easily due to her literal lack of childhood development.

>>2349695
Why does she think she is autistic and why specifically do you think she isn't?

>>2349695
You shouldn't meddle in others' health. It comes off poorly, even if you have good intentions.

>>2349698
She is aimless often. She's at university but keeps skipping days and is behind on all her coursework but then takes a holiday for 2 weeks because she doesn't seem to grasp the seriousness of passing school (she's not rich but she still visits some of her ex boyfriends), however she goes into child-mode whenever her boyfriends get aggressive because she never learnt how to deal with angry people. Instead of avoiding drug addicts she'll date them instead because she thinks she can save them for some reason. She dated a coke addict and he actually went to prison for using his business loan for drugs and was 20k in debt, before he went to prison though he stalked her and stole her car (but she got it back luckily and even paid the parking ticket he purposely made her get by illegally parking it). She also sent this guy nudes and videos of herself because he asked for it, without questioning what a drug addict (who is always looking for money) would do with them. She also dated an alcoholic who blamed her for everything afterwards. It just doesn't seem like autism it seems like PTSD and she's just cycling through shit and repeating her trauma compulsively. She's too childlike despite being in ner late 20s.

>>2349704
ayrt. Okay, that makes sense. I thought it would've helped her get better help but maybe her tutors will actually listen to her now she's got a diagnosis of autism at least.

I unironcally flap my arms

>>2349412
Anon stop being delusional. Sex is not about "feeling power" nor is everyone else as obsessed with dicks as you are. You're a straight virgin with no grasp on what real sex is like and you have a sexual fixation on dicks that makes you fantasize about them, there's nothing else to it.

Thinking out loud here. Some flavors of disability including autism and adhd can come off as if they're drug abusers. Or perhaps rather drug abuse makes normal people end up looking mentally disabled. Or maybe they even damage their brains so much they literally become disabled.

I saw a guy who had the physical queues and mannerisms I typically associate with autism. I'm pretty sheltered (and just autistic) and I've never been close to drug abuse, so I didn't see "obvious" signs of him being a recovering addict. In my mind I was just thinking "oh he looks autistic" and if anything I was feeling smug that I'm so good at spotting autists. Upon learning about his past drug abuse and having his body language pointed out to me I feel like I've unlocked a new level of knowledge.

So now I wonder about things like if autist nonas here who say nobody wants to be friends with them and they never know why, if it's because people think they're addicts? And do people mistake me for an addict if I act odd?
And I'm also scared now that I'll be like "oh look what a nice fellow autist person to hang out with" and it's actually a crazy drug addict who stabs me because my autist brain couldn't tell the difference until it was too late.

>>2349969
Yeah it's about getting fucked by a guy. Or fucking a guy's dick assertively. That is how sex works for women. I have a sexual fixation on getting to experience the inside of a vagina(off topic)

>>2350068
Can we please not do this in the autism thread too? There's a gazillion other places on here to talk about how sex works.

First of all, I don't understand why I'm being gaslighted this much, second why all of my points got dismissed, third this a thread for autistic women too and we struggle with human intimacy.
>>2349252
And everyone says that this act is a normal sexual act in human intimacy so I'm trying to understand human sexual intimacy because I don't understand why as a woman I am so cucked in it and it agitates me, sex is a natural thing I'm trying to comprehend
And also sex is not nuanced, the way humans get stimulation is the same for every woman, and for every man, based on sex. And I just don't understand it all and why I have a problem with sexual intimacy, why I have a problem with all of these acts, because during them you have to experience submission like while sucking dick which anons most of the times say is a normal part of a human sex life. I'm genuinely struggling and all of you just gaslight me and say wrong shit like saying that I have no idea what real sex looks like. You don't need to have sex to know this, also power dynamics are natural in sex therefore in human intimacy which hating makes you a disordered person and I'm disordered but I got accused of being a pornsick fixated freak instead but the woman who suck dicks a e supposedly not the ones fixated on dick, it's completely meaningless and neutral! Evil me for talking about the taboo topics aka sex meanwhile the whole internet is allowed to shit out posts about it all the time, everywhere.(off topic)

>>2350081
This:
>>2350068
Is not me also, the previous post is my first response her after the intimacy post + I literally stumbled across the twitter video randomly. The whole world has sex but I'm the obsessed one! Okay!

>>2350081
You're making problems for yourself. Just stop. To keep it on topic for autismo thread, what you're doing is called rumination and is a symptom some of us struggle with. The solution really is to just stop thinking about it and find literally anything better to do.

>>2350081
There are sex threads on /g/. Go there instead.

>>2350081
>And everyone says that this act is a normal sexual act in human intimacy
>wah gaslight wah
You literally had anons telling you most women don't even do blowjobs, YOU are the one who insists it's "everywhere" and "everyone" does it. YOU are the only one who is seemingly unable to equate sex with anything but blowjobs. Meanwhile most women simply don't do it. YOU have a super weird skewed pornified vision of what sex is and you keep insisting it's reality "becuse it's everywhere online so it must be real", despite admitting you don't even "understand" sex. Be for real, you don't want to understand it, you just want to sperg on about how icky and weird porny sex is and what a poor little autist you are who can't understand it unlike those whores who are being degraded into submission and overpowered by the mighty all-powerful dick.

This is a post for other autistic women, so normalfaggots stop responding to me atp. I'm also not trying to infight, I'm just really high on the spectrum and I don't realize I'm being inappropriate or sound mean, then people jump at my throat.
Anons who call me a virgin don't understand that someone doesn't need to have sex to know how sex looks like and what it is, you're not the only expert on this just because you have it, we can even google realistic videos of sex, and that twitter video was the most realistic I've ever seen, the more realistic a sex video is, the more traumatic it is to me, because I have a problem with the sex and the way intimacy looks like between a man and a woman naturally, it's shocking to my sensitive autistic mind. Even a normal sex act like the woman riding the man on that video looked like she's just serving him with her body. I can't accept my female biology neither intimacy. I know a lot of autistic women also have a problem with this, so I was asking them.
And I don't care if someone doesn't have some of these sex acts(however saying that most women don't suck dick was a manipulative dismissal of my points I made and desperate attempt to ignore the reality we actually are living, I'm just trying to comprehend the world around me as an autistic), because all of these acts I mentioned are a natural part of a human intimacy, I can't comprehend it neither I am okay with experiencing extreme submission and vulnerability like for expl. in oral sex on men, or being penetrated/fucked from behind(while men don't have to be on all fours for women, so that's not equal, so yo me it makes zero logical sense that this is how intimacy looks like), I know how it looks like and what sex is,but I have a fear of intimacy and I wanted to ask other autistic women if they feel similar. I felt agitation over how sex looks like for women since I was around 13(and I experience libido and sexual attraction, so this psychological problem is really hard for me) and became aware of all these submissive, horrifying(to me) sexual positions for women, I couldn't accept that I will never experience human sexual intimacy aka love, if I don't become okay with being fucked like this in those positions, I know it's stimulating but it doesn't make it equal neither I can erase my mental blockage against it. I'm not okay with experiencing this submissiveness neither being seen in those positions spread like this and fucked, dominated basically by someone bigger than me. So I can't comprehend male female intimacy, it looks sadomasochistic to my brain. I can't comprehend why women do these sexual acts like from that twitter video and why is this human experience of love. I can't fucking understand it… I know it's stimulating for all women, but why this has to be our position in human intimacy and why is THIS human intimacy
Having a problem with intimacy/fear of intimacy is a serious disorder and a lot of autistics suffer from it.
Once I get called a handicapped autist on this website for saying that I wouldn't perform oral sex on men, and now I get called I don't even know what, I don't wanna read these responses again. So yeah I'm a handicapped autist with a fear of intimacy, this is not a post for normies stacies, or gaslighters, this is a post for humans with a brain who want to discuss the reality with me like we're both humans with a brain communicating honestly and straightforwardly.
Autistic people are not even allowed to talk about their problems with sex, while the rest of the world is allowed to roam free. I read about hetero women sex lives all the time, I know well how they look like, and it's horrific to me and worse than some porn or the same. I have a problem with sex. Because of AUTISM and it's a thread for neurodivergent women, I need to finally talk about to, cause I'm an ADULT atp. I'm not a teen or like only 20yo barely out of teenage hood, I have experience and maturity, I'm not an unaware virgin, but I never engaged in a sex activity with other person irl, which doesn't make me unable to know what sex is. I have been suffering in silence from this and holding it all in for YEARS, I can't find non normie autistic women to talk about it with, I won't talk about it with the antisex people, because these fuckers are delusional, I won't explain way, it's too much, but they are retarded and don't understand that sex is natural and not an evil brainwashing. I want someone to understand that is natural and how that makes me disordered, and why.(blackpill outside of containment)

>>2350091
Just stop thinking about it! You're not allowed to think about it!
Jee thanks, great advice! See you later when you talk about you and your Nigel sex life and everyone is okay with it.
>>2350153
Sorry normie meanies are mad at my Innocent post(infight bait)

>>2350180
>>2350179
>>2350091
I know where you're coming from. Penetration by a bigger entity is just part of womanhood though, and a lot of the acts you describe are variations of that.
The other Anon is right though; no need to think too much about it. One out of two people are women; five out of ten people are women; fifty out of hundred people are women; leave the aspects of womanhood you dislike for other women to deal with.

>>2350179
You don't have to have sex anon.

Okay nonnies, what parts about autism (yours or others) do you like? I'm with >>2349646 about the unrestrained joy aspect. Been told that my happiness is infectious irl and I can't think of a higher compliment. I also like that my special interests can be a springboard into learning or practicing skills. Like I'm really into history, so making recipes associated with whichever time period I'm micro-sperging over lets me cook more and get better at it.

>>2350346
Im not sure about myself, but I find many autists kind of charming to talk to (because Im autistic myself kek). I definitely dont see myself dating NT men if I date

>>2350346
I like that my special interests are permanent! They just never stop bringing me joy, and it seems like that's not a thing normies just "get for free". This also motivates me to be creative, because if I can take any boring thing and just twist it to somehow involve my special interest I suddenly see value in it and find it more fun.

I have "monotone" body language (for a lack of a better term) and an unintentionally soft voice so people think I'm calm and soothing all the time, they tell me I'm really reassuring to have around because I never panic or lose my cool. I totally do panic though, they just can't tell kek

Unlike redtexted sperg anon above I like my natural disinterest in sexual things, because it allows me to focus on more fun and interesting things. It just seems so incredibly boring to focus on getting laid all the time and to be ruled by your own sexuality, I just can't relate. It's also nice to kind of be "immune" to sexual things, though I wouldn't identify as asexual or anything, I just have a very low end libido!

I'm about 50 times more resistant to loneliness because of my flavor of autism. I know "a lot of autists are very lonely" and all that, but I'm just not one of them. I could happily not see a single friend for several months. I'm happy when I see them! It's just not ever really a "need". I feel like I could live in a hut on the mountainside with a pack of goats, only coming down to the village once a month where they all know me as the kooky but beloved goat-lady.

Directed at other autists: I love that other autists are so interesting to talk to! I don't know a single autist who is boring, they all basically only talk to you when they have something interesting to say and I love that. I also love that despite the black-and-white-thinking stereotype at least the autists I know are some of the most flexible thinkers who are willing to explore any topic. There's no "that's not how you're supposed to do that" and instead they just fire "ok but why? and but what if this, or what if that?" and bring new perspectives to everything without judgment.

I wish I had cool special interests but unfortunately I have “obsessed with department stores” autism. I spend a lot of my free time looking up pictures on google images of department stores I like. I know for a lot of autistic/ADHD people the bright lights/noise can be really overstimulating but I find it is the opposite for me and it’s really calming. The only overstimulating thing is the people but that’s anywhere I go. I used to go to my local Dillards right when they opened and just walk in circles with all the old people getting their steps in. I also am obsessed with the perfume counter but I don’t like being hounded to buy something so I don’t usually go. I also like to look up abandoned department stores on youtube and I try to figure out which department is which. I always want to ask the people that work in the makeup department questions about the cases, registers etc. but I know they probably don’t know or care about what I want to know. In my current living situation the closest department store is about 45 minutes away which is a pain but I’m planning my next trip down there to “get my fix”. This was a very useless ramble I just don’t talk about this much to people in my personal life because I’m embarrassed. Thanks if you read!

>>2351140
Nonna I am here for your department store autism. You sound like you're living your best life! Do you just like the perfume counters because they're an entire section of the store, or do you have certain perfumes you like? Sorry but I now have a burning question and you might know: Do they change the samples or spray certain scent profiles during different seasons? That feels like something that would be rotated, but I haven't been to the mall in forever so I don't really know.

>>2351140
I really like going to department stores too, even though I never buy anything. I go to the mall specifically to walk around the department stores. My favorite is Von Maur because the piano music is relaxing.

>Do Neurotypical People Like or Dislike Autistic People? - PMC
>"The most common reasons selected by neurotypical perceivers when judging they disliked autistic targets were (1) the perceived awkwardness of the target, (2) a desire not to talk to the target, (3) target appearing unlikeable, and (4) the target's perceived ability (or lack of ability) to empathize"
Is this true Nonas? What does "seeming awkward" mean?

>>2351750
for me it's when they are trying to mask but you can tell. it's like, just be yourself. but for others it may be violating unspoken social contracts. look up pragmatics for those.

>>2351750
>What does "seeming awkward" mean?
What do you mean, it's quite straight forward to seem awkward? Nervous, fiddly, unsociable, shy, no confidence, bad posture, weird, maybe making strange movements or facial expressions out of nowhere.

I think "Do Neurotypical People Like or Dislike Autistic People?" is kind of an unfair and odd question to ask people to begin with. There are too many questions, like what level of autist re they talking about? Is it a non-verbal with a full-time carer autist, a high-function nerdy sperg or in the middle of the two? Are they male or female? I'm willing to bet people rank female autists higher and less awkward than males simply because we're less of a threat.

Also I'm as ableist as those neurotypicals are. If I see an obviously mentally disabled person I might also find them awkward, I don't want to talk to them and I don't find them likable because you can't even hold an intelligent conversation with them. I personally have a really big ick for other people's saliva like drooling which is a common thing for mentally disabled people. If they're male they even scare me, because I don't know how socially aware they are so if they just see a "hot female" and act on instinct and sexually assault me I feel like people will just be like "he didn't know what he was doing!" and if I complain I'm the asshole.

>>2351750
You might get some better answers to your question by linking the study you're referencing: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/36605364/
(Also annoyed, because a few years ago the full study was available online for free, but I can't seem to find a publication that isn't truncated now.)

>>2351757
Yeah if it's worth anything all the autists being studied were male and the neurotypicals were female. Kinda feel bad for autistic moids.

>>2351762
>Kinda feel bad for autistic moids.
Why? Autistic moids are the main predators of autistic women.

>>2351763
I dont know, I figure autisms harder to deal with if youre a guy. Like how female NEETs and losers arent as badly stigmatized as male NEETs and losers

>>2351785
It's really not. Autistic moids get coddled by parents and authority figures way more than autistic girls and women, so it's actually easier for them. The only "autistic" moids who you should feel bad for are the increasingly rare undiagnosed BAPs who stay offline and keep to themselves. They're literally the only good autistic males.
>female NEETs and losers arent as badly stigmatized as male NEETs and losers
KEK nonna, since when? All NEETs are stigmatized, at least the male ones have boymoms who are more willing to care for them until the day they die. Female NEETs don't get that.

>>2351785
Male autists get free reign to tardrage and may be ignored or get bullied at the worst, meanwhile autistic girls and women are at higher risk of being sexually assaulted, and they often have no support network to help them afterwards because they were also ignored and possibly bullied.

>>2351785
Autistic women face sexual abuse at far higher rates than the general female population. female losers aren't widely stigmatized in popular culture because they're rarer or slightly better at integration due to female socialization, but plenty of these girls get bullied.
>female NEETs and losers arent as badly stigmatized as male NEETs and losers
The general public doesn't know the goings on of losers, but male losers again attack and bully female losers.

I do believe there are more male autists and more often severe autism in males because of the fragility of the Y-chromosome.

>>2351963
>>2351973
>>2351978
Fair enough, nonas

>>2351785
I can see your point though, I think overall autism can be "harder" to deal with as a male because other males are retarded by default and that's their automatic social circle as males. I have had lots of females in my life (usually older) who get protective and care extra for me, and I know adult men don't do that for autistic guys. Maybe it's not exactly harder/easier but women are just nicer to deal with by default. And tbf if you're at least a somewhat cute girl guys can excuse you being a bit weird, while women are (rightfully so) a lot more selective when it comes to men. But I guess rather than it being "harder" it's more like they have a few drawbacks females don't have.

Sometimes I wonder if I actually dislike talking to people or if I'm just used to my conversations never going anywhere. But then again, sometimes when people actually do try to befriend me I brush them off.

Does anyone else go insane anytime you get one of those coarse chin hairs? I worked a slow night shift job and when I didnt have my tweezers all I could do was pick and scratch at it obsessively like a scab.

I also struggle with more common things like nail biting, pen chewing, etc. Im going into a "no-nail-polish-allowed" field, so Ill have to find other ways to deal with my nail biting soon.

>>2353414
You don’t have to be autistic to not want to date men for certain reasons, which are obvious.

>>2353414
As someone who also has ADHD its currently fucking impossible to get my life together without the medication, which my psychologist doesnt want me to get because she wants us to have a parasocial relationship where nothing goes anywhere

>>2353414
Usually the "don't date" autists are disgusted by the concept of sex, doesn't matter if it's men or women.

If they exclusively date one sex… I think you can do the math yourself why they don't date the other.

>>2353724
Anon you sound schizophrenic but I somehow manage to agree with everything you say. Do you have vaginismus? Who do you live with? What do you do for a living?

>>2353724
But anon, can't you just not have sex? Why are you so worried about not being able to have sex if it's this distressing to you? Or are you saying you would have sex if you were male?

>>2353741
You clearly don't understand how it feels to be autistic and psychologically burdened by your position in human sex as a woman. Men also don't have to read million times a day online about other men sucking women dicks neither they have to be good at sucking dick or have a nightmarish role in human sex and relations.(blackpill outside of containment, ban evasion)

>>2353809
Well like… nobody forces you to go online and read all this shit anon lol.

>>2353809
try reading abuot something that isn't sex then. get a nuclear physics textbook or something

>>2353809
>You clearly don't understand how it feels to be autistic and psychologically burdened by your position in human sex as a woman. Men also don't have to read million times a day online about other men sucking women dicks neither they have to be good at sucking dick or have a nightmarish role in human sex and relations.
nta and I'm quoting your whole post in case you delete again. I'll be trying my best to help here. You have mental issues, but it's not the autism (we all have that here). You're dealing with lots of internalized misogyny and you're partaking in self-harming behavior, specifically
>have to read million times a day online about other men sucking women dicks
I'm gonna assume you meant men and women in reverse (otherwise you gotta be a gay guy distressed about tim troons). This is NOT a normal thing to come across, not even once a day. The conclusion is that you are actively seeking out places you know cause you great distress - also known as "doomscrolling". You're staying in distress about it because you keep visiting these site on the daily! Get a browser extension or app and block yourself from EVERY single site and app you come across these things, try it just for a month. Every time you get the urge to doomscroll, you have to actively stop yourself and choose to go and do something you enjoy like a hobby. I promise your mental health will improve by a ton.

You're likely traumatized to have gotten to this point. You really should talk to a sexual trauma resource for women. You don't seem to understand that women have sex because they're in love with their partner, they get great orgasms and enjoy the whole process. You deciding it's degrading is like saying eating food is degrading because "it goes inside you". Or like saying having a job is degrading because your boss "has power over you". Ot that massage is degrading because "they're touching you all over". It's just your perspective being messed up. If the roles were reversed and women had to go inside men, you would instead be saying "it's so degrading that they just use your penis as if it was a tool to please themselves. Men's vaginas get to 'consume' women's penises, that's so much more powerful and it's degrading to have your penis at the mercy of a man's teeth when he could bite it off any second he wants… so gross to have female genitals that just hang out in the open all the time because they're nothing but a sex toy for men, unlike a streamlined male vagina that's only active when they need it".

>>2353809
you sound like you have ocd or something this sounds compulsive. get some help.

>>2352844
If you bite your nails, you can buy nail clear coats that are meant to taste incredibly bitter to dissuade you from biting. Good luck

>>2353809
Nona I agree with everything you say but unfortunately youll have to deal with the reality of sex and sexuality by the time you enter the real world. You cant sit leeching off your relatives, eventually youll have to get yourself a man

>>2355427
>eventually youll have to get yourself a man
Or get a job on your own.
Or date a woman.
Or inherit a lot of money.
Or your living relatives actually don't mind you living off of them because you're free house labour.
Or live with female roommates where you all pay a tiny bit each.
Or live on disability support.
Nobody actually has to have sex, and blowjob-chan is in a manic period or some shit so don't respond to her delusions.