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No. 2022269
Previous threads:
>>>/ot/1687145>>>/ot/1438835>>>/ot/1198440>>>/ot/586560Discuss all topics pertaining to Autism, Aspergers or ADHD/ADD experiences as a woman here.
Talk about the difficulty of diagnosis as a woman, the struggles that accompany autism or with being compared to male autists. For anons with ADHD/ADD, discuss your struggles, or share your advice to cope with your issues related to your attention disorder.
Or even discuss your thoughts on how recent attention to autism/ADHD on social media affects those afflicted.
No. 2028755
>>2026886All the fucking time. I used to get made fun of for things like "sitting weird" in school, even. Many autists have hypermobile joints or other conditions that affect how our bodies move so for us weird movement is more normal.
Besides, plenty of "normal" people have fucked up posture and gaits nowadays because of sedentary lifestyles and phone/computer use, so you probably don't stand out that much.
No. 2033485
>>2026886>Does anyone else struggle with thinking they move weird?Some of my autist friends do move weird, though I feel it's easier to clock male autists from how they move than female and even then it's not all males either.
Like other anon said, just be you and move weirdly if you have to, nobody actually cares unless it's inconvenient for them.
No. 2033496
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Do you go to the gym, do sports or exercise in some way? Any tips for exercising that works for you autist nonas? Doesn't matter if it's weird, I wanna hear it all (ADHD answers also welcome)
I want to become more active and health.
No. 2033559
>>2033553maybe you're doing it wrong? Or are you just really out of shape?
I used to feel worse afterwards when I was out of shape, but now that I'm in better shape I feel better.
No. 2033905
>>2033496>Do you go to the gym?I really like exercising at the gym and at home. I think it's a good way to stay healthy. I think developing a good workout routine in one's youth and sticking through it is a great way to maintain one's strength, self-reliance, and figure throughout the ageing process. At the gym, I don't really look for extrinsic signs of progress (e.g., are my muscles bigger, is my figure thinner, etc.), instead I enjoy the intrinsic signs of my improving fitness and state of being like being secure in my ability to lift heavy things (like grocery bags or water jugs), being able to walk and run for prolonged periods of time without getting tired or sweaty, and feeling more in-tuned with my body. I'm one of the autists that struggle with the "clumsy" factor, so working out with weights is a really great way for me to improve my coordination and my self-esteem in terms of being in control of my body. I also think going to the gym is a great way to meet new acquaintances, especially if you do spin classes or yoga classes on a regular basis. I met two people I like to workout with that way, sometimes we go for drinks too.
>Any tips for exercising that works for you autist nonas?Going to the gym shouldn't be a big issue, but when I first started going I was very nervous and I felt self-conscious. I think that's just the fear of being in a new place and not knowing all of the inner workings of gym culture and etiquette, and after a month of going I soon realized most people were too busy lifting weights or too caught up in their own workout routines that they didn't even notice if I had failed at something. So, if you feel self-conscious just try to remember that nobody is
really looking at you. I still go to the gym later in the day (around 11PM or 12AM) just because I like it when the gym is a bit quieter and I don't have to wait for any machines, and it also limits any social anxiety I might randomly experience. Another tip is that you should already know what you wanna do
before you get to the gym, most people separate their workout routine into three days that each focus on a different muscle group, and they do the same workouts every time but slowly increase the weight or the amount of repetitions. When I was starting, I went up to the gym counter and I asked the girl working if she could come around and name all the different machines and then I looked up how to use them later, after I looked up how to use them I just had to practice once or twice and then I got the hang of it. So, try to get an understanding of the machines (it's easiest to watch Youtube demos once you have the names of the machines) and try to get yourself into a good routine where you're using 3-5 machines per gym trip, alongside 2-3 exercises with free weights (you can also look up these, e.g., "exercise with dumbbells for shoulders" and a lot will come up). Sometimes it's hard to maintain a routine, but I think that's one of the pros of being an autist at the gym: once I get into a routine, I follow it through. A lot of my friends admire my dedication to go to the gym 4 times a week, but really to me it's just what I do all the time, if I don't go to the gym I don't feel bad about it but I'll follow along to a dance workout from a Richard Simmons' VHS. When you're working out, remember that the
mind-muscle connection is really important. When I started going, I thought if I did heavy weights it would be more beneficial, but I ended up always struggling through my workout and never doing the right moves. Try to find a weight that works for you, i.e., a weight that you can use without straining yourself, that you can use to perform the workout action SLOWLY, and that after all your reps are done you feel a slight burn in the target muscles. It shouldn't be too light that you don't feel anything or that you can do double the reps. Performing the moves slowly with intent is important; a lot of gym newbs will slam down weights but that just means they lost out on a repetition because they let the weight go too fast because it was too heavy.
>I want to become more active and healthy.This is really important and I think it's a great outlook for you to have. Our health is very important, everyone says so. Once you take the appropriate steps to start fostering your health and acting in accordance with the desire for good health, you'll quickly realize that it's not just a psyop by gym owners: working out really
does make you feel better about yourself and aids you in maintaining overall health.
Sorry if this post was spergy but I always like to give informative answers when people talk about the gym because I used to struggle so much with it and now that I'm at a place where I feel confident and secure, I like to help out others the same way some special people helped me out when I first started. If you want nona I will even post my beginners workout routine in the health and fitness thread on /g/ (I don't want to spam this thread with something off-topic). Let me know if you want me to post it.
No. 2034253
>>2033905thank you nona! (and other anons who answered too!)
>remember that the mind-muscle connection is really important.What does this mean? I'm leaning towards going to the gym by myself because I like having a routine set (and I already like taking walks in nature regularly so I'll be doing that too).
Do you think not doing different muscle groups in rotation and instead doing like a general lighter all-over workout is bad? I think my goal is slow progress and general strength, so I don't need maximum immediate muscle gain and would rather not have my body aching so much I can't function afterwards. That's how my teen friends made me work out with them years ago and it's just not sustainable for me to lose an entire day afterwards because my legs/arms/something is in constant pain and shaking. They basically kept insisting if it doesn't hurt you didn't train well enough and aren't getting any effects from it. Those girls also had their own adult sports trainers encourage training until you throw up and that just doesn't sound healthy to me… but they were also sportier and in better shape than me doing all that.
Also how long are your gym sessions? How many reps do you usually do? I'd like to see that routine too!
No. 2034265
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>>2034257
No. 2035049
>>2033638>I cannot think of any "stimming" that I did at the time.At the time? So you stim now?
I had a friend who is 100% autistic who doubted her diagnosis because they didn't get what she meant when she was 15-ish and being evaluated. After getting to explain herself to them she accepted that she was actually autistic, because all the signs were still there.
What you said reminded me of it, like "I didn't avoid eye contact because of social issues, but because I had this crazy childish belief that they could hypnotize me" not realizing that "childish belief at an age you should have grown out of it" can be a sign in of itself too. Not saying you are an autist tho, have it re-evaluated if you don't think it's correct.
No. 2035062
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>>2033496ADHD anon here, I take a weekly dance class right now. The gym never worked for me because I wouldn't go regularly and would waste money by not going too many months. But a sceduled class where you HAVE to be at a certain day and certain time? I can do that. Haven't missed a day in a while. It's also a lot more fun than the gym, and I can notice my leg muscles grew.
i also bought something like picrel for homeoffice and it might seem silly but it does help me concentrate better
No. 2036340
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How fucked am I? What should I do?
So I studied education (I had no other choice) and my face blindness is quite a problem. I just can't remember the faces of most students, and no, it's not that I see faceless beings like tiny slendermen, I just see generic faces that I forget completely about after a while. I also can't remember their names, the names just leave my brain, they disappear.
This has happened to me for years, I used to be in denial about this but I think this is it, it's actually going to fuck up my career for sure.
Like, I had to work with some groups of students for almost 2 years and I think I only remember the name and face of like 2 students out of around 120 students, meanwhile non-retarded teachers just learn who these kids are after a few weeks.
My parents say that I just don't care about them (which yeah, I don't feel like I truly care about them) but I should find a way to remember them, there must be a way.
I've tried so hard to remember names and faces, I even have a friend that keeps showing me her favorite actors and stuff but I even have a hard time remembering who they are.
I don't know what to do.
No. 2036355
>>2036340Ok so I’m genuinely concerned that I’m slightly face blind or something. It’s happened to me several times where I’ve met people multiple times (without being drunk or otherwise inebriated) and they’ll come up to me and say hi and I just cannot for the life of me place where they’re from or how I know them. Or I’ll “sort of?” recognize them and know that I’ve met them before but I have no idea who they are. I can’t remember what most of my high school teachers faces looked like and I can’t remember a lot of their names, meanwhile my friends immediately remember funny moments from freshman year “when Mr. So-and-So said XYZ to this kid and it was hilarious” and I guess I was there but I don’t remember it at all?
It makes me feel insane. I’ve also done acting and I can memorize lines, no problem so I don’t know what my deal is. I took one of those online facial blindness tests that had celebrities as the faces and I passed and knew who they were so maybe I’m just self-centered and I just don’t remember people
No. 2036358
>>2036340Honesty is the best policy. When you first meet the students, just let them know that you have a problem recognizing faces and it might take you a while to recall names even though you know who they are. I'm mildly face-blind as well, and most people are very understanding when I explain I'm just not good with faces or names. I could know a person well and talk to them countless times, but sometimes I just won't be able to recognize them or place their name. It's a fault that I've learned to work around.
>>2036355It could be that you're just bad with names or faces! It's really not that big of a deal once you explain to people, just laugh it off and tell them you've been dealing with it for years and they'll understand.
No. 2039695
>>2037881>Does anybody else struggle strongly with the ability to reciprocate conversations?All the time. It's easier to have deep conversations over text or when I know someone's conversational patterns, but very hard otherwise.
>i am always at a loss for words as to how to reply to people almost all the timeSame. Most of my conversation responses are nothingburger, but there's ways to make it less obvious:
>casually/supportively affirm what they're saying. "Oh, I understand xyz. That happens sometimes." This is helpful when people want to vent about lighter subjects.>ask questions. Especially if you're not sure what they meant. Most people like to talk about themselves, so it's easier to talk less when you ask questions and let them fill the space.>most people will answer "How's your day going?" with either a socially acceptable "fine", or with what they've done that day. If you hear anything that you're interested in (for example maybe they went snowboarding that weekend and that's something you're into), ask questions about it!>sometimes it's okay to let conversations die off for a few hours/days if you've exhausted small talk options. If you need to do something else, that's a convenient excuse to take a break and then come talk to that person later.Not all of these are 100% appropriate at every time, but they're okay as quick-n-dirty hacks to keep a conversation going. As for struggling to get interested in topics that aren't your special interest, the main solution is to fake it until you make it. That's the only thing that worked for me anyway. I still don't give a hoot about most acquaintances' personal lives, but I can at least appear engaged and ask them questions to make them feel better in the conversation, and that makes them happy. Good luck nonna, I hope you find a good speech therapist soon.
No. 2039983
>>2037881They can be hit or miss, but have you ever tried a support group for other adults with Aspergers? I go to one semi-regularly and I've made a lot of friends through it. I know that autists and normies have different ways of communicating, and while I don't struggle as much with talking to normies anymore I still like to hang out with other people like me and sperg together about topics without feeling ashamed or making them weirded out. I find that I get on better with other people with aspergers and I can enjoy my conversations with them more than with normies.
>I wish there was book that straight up taught me how to have conversationThere are actually books for this! When I moved out on my own I actually bought a book to help learn the art of conversation because I thought it'd be a good way to hone my skills and it easier for me to talk to people. You can find a lot of conversation books online that will help out, even one's specifically aimed at people with aspergers. It's not just reserved for children, don't feel that way: in fact a lot of normie adults don't even know how to hold a proper conversation, so I think everyone can benefit from reading one of those types of self-help books and learning how to be more communicative and to hold better conversations.
No. 2040547
>>2040211You don't have to tell anyone you are autistic.
>>2039695Thank you anon!
No. 2044224
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hi nonnas. wanted to ask for some advice, I hope this is the right place to put this, I'm not too sure if it would be better suited for /2X/ or /g/. wanted to ask how others deal with feeling like they are constantly existing "wrong". I'm pretty gnc: short hair (used to be buzzed), no make-up (makes me feel gross), nails as short as possible and unpainted (sensory/skin issues), legs/armpits unshaved. I feel like hearing other women talk about make-up and nails, and seeing women constantly irl with make-up/fancy nails/shaved/etc. makes me constantly feel like I'm gross and doing being female "wrong", or like, I'm immature and childish. I know I've seen (normie?) women online call women who don't wear make-up "crusty" or immature, but I'm very hygienic and I look after myself (definitely look after myself more than the average moid). even though I know logically that there is nothing wrong with existing as a gnc woman I can't shake the feeling that I'm constantly being judged, not fitting in, that I'm doing it all wrong, that I'm always been looked down upon as childish and/or gross. does anybody else deal with the same feelings? how do you overcome it? thank you for reading, it's really been getting to me and I feel like I can't be "logical" about just existing as a gnc woman because of those constant feelings that I'm doing it all "wrong" and not following the "rules" correctly. ily nonnas.
No. 2044238
>>2044224>I can't shake the feeling that I'm constantly being judgedI don't have much advice for you, but I will offer one thing. Almost every woman feels constantly judged. Even though the most drop dead gorgeous model you can imagine looks in the mirror and finds flaws. I know because I hang out with them, and these supermodels never have anything good to say about themselves, they only either say nothing about their bodies or negative things. It is the female condition to feel watched and judged all the time.
The only way through is to realize that the people who's opinion you care about are not judging you, while the people who judge you are not the ones you should care about. Those judgemental people are shallow or unkind or have lives that are a mess. To feel judged by them is like being worried about like a pedophile think of you, just a total waste of time because his good opinion means nothing.
No. 2044316
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I have autism and a lot of my coworkers have ADD.
I hate that my quirks (like preferring a definitive "yes" or "no" in writing) are opposite of theirs (like wanting to "hop on a call" and screenshare something while getting distracted ten times).
The shittiest part is that I can't just respond to their "I need to pace the room and talk to myself due to my brain" with "I need absolute silence due to my brain, so let's compromise" because every time I have revealed my autism, it has been used against me. For example, if I tell someone that it's against cybersecurity policy to host something on a public IP address, they will tell me it's just my "black and white sense of justice".
People talk a lot about not being able to be honest with those in their personal life, but I feel like I can't be real with anyone. Well, except lolcow.
No. 2045101
>>2044224I carry a very similar inferiority complex from being treated like the frumpy retard duckling. But as i get older, i get more chances to talk to conforming women individually about makeup/looks (well, they talk about it and i listen) and i've realized they're in a private hell. They deal with chronic overwhelming anxieties about their looks and care a lot about being attractive all the time. Some are just coquettish women who've been drawn to this stuff since a young age, but a lot of them picked up these worries with puberty, do it out of 'duty' and are miserable as a result. That's it, they're miserable. These are the kinds of women who cry themselves to sleep because they think they look weird in some angle. What's really sad and bizarre is that they can be extremely beautiful and conforming, but it's never enough. Ofc GNC/autistic women are susceptible to dysmorphia but it doesn't become all-consuming most of the time. Even at the height of my teenage insecurity i was okay with going outside while feeling deformed or really ugly, but i know women who can't go grocery shopping without a full face of makeup. It doesn't make sense for you to feel bad because a neurotic person wants everyone in the room to ease her own misery. Seeing women like you, the more hostile/sexist ones see a reminder of the pointlessness of it all. I know it's hard to let go of the need to fit in or the nagging sensation that you're doing it 'wrong' (especially if you feel you're lacking as an autistic woman), but it's fine and you're clearly better off. Maybe try to retort to critique if/when it happens, so it doesn't imprint itself on you. Just say something like 'oh well there is more to life than being pretty'. I was talking about this exact subject with an autistic friend who's really effortlessly GNC. We listed incidents where women we both know would make us feel like shit for not caring and noticed all the women were really unwell, were known to deal with lots of self-hatred and interpersonal conflict. It's a way for them to displace their inner anguish.
No. 2046143
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Having finally started to discuss gc on discord and a few other messaging servers, it becomes so clear to me how differently normies parse the world, and I don't understand why they are willfully stupid. It's like pulling teeth sometimes, trying to have them explain how gender and its ideologies can be rationally and morally brought out from what actually exists in the world, materially. It makes things so hard to explain, sometimes I feel like I'm talking to a five year old that goes off on tangents about what they had for lunch, and I have to keep reining them in. Can they not just keep to a single through line without bringing in "muh experiences" and their misguided empathy?
Also, dumb, but do any of you get weird earworms that aren't music at all? I've been having phrases from "talking cat" videos playing in my head the last few weeks and its so distracting. I'm terrified of being overheard muttering "I am Big Billy, the biggest wet willy
I'm gonna go clearly mh" by someone
No. 2047447
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Never understood why people say ADHD is less stigmatised than other disorders when it’s clear most people just see people with ADHD as lazy junkies . I’m never going to tell anyone I have ADHD because they immediately stereotype and look down on you imo it’s worse for men when it comes to stereotypes.
No. 2048133
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Why do people think you can "overcome" or "get over" ADHD? It's a freaking disability! I can be functional (most of the time), but I legitimately wish I could evaporate into thin air at least once every 3 days.
No. 2049050
>>2048783I'm euro too. Good looking people do get treated better. Or rather, people who are considered "socially acceptable" get treated better. You can be the prettiest woman on earth but if you wear alt fashion people will still treat you a bit funny. If you show up in the wrong clohtes for the occasion you're treated as clueless and a bit dumb. How you look does have a massive effect on how you are treated as humans are very sight based in their communication. But if you manage to look "somewhat normal" you'll be treated pretty ok most of the time.
Older women here actively make themselves less "feminine"(/attractive) so they get less attention over their looks, it's kind of an interesting phenomenon to observe. Finding a woman over 50 with mid to long hair and/or makeup is near impossible.
No. 2049523
>>2049050AYRT, Most of the women in my family only wear makeup for special occasions, much of the crafting groups or union pensioner meetups they go to, they put on some rogue or mascara.
My mom has passed 55 this year and still has hair past her shoulder, I'd say it's about half her friends has the same thing going on. I've got a grandma whos 84 who has recently gotten into reworking a lot of the dresses she made for herself in the 60s, because she doesn't want her old handiwork to go to waste. In my experience there's a far stricter hold onto specific beauty standards and routines than among my cousins.I think the idea of pretty = life put together was stronger with old people.
Can't really use alt people where I'm from since metalheads have been ubiquitous for about 45 years, thats not unusual anymore. The women in the local scene do trend towards not wearing makeup though, which is what I originally referred to - none have been socially isloated yet.
No. 2058482
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>>2054952I do, I have a million pairs of sunglasses in my car, at home and at work to deal kek. I'm also noise sensitive and loops work really well for me.
Does anyone else have pathological demand avoidance? It nearly fits me to a T. It's why I have so many issues at work, especially dealing with micromanagers.
No. 2058674
File: 1718981652793.png (22.04 KB, 400x467, Demand-Avoidance-triangle-webs…)
>>2058509They want us to kill ourselves, my main thing is, I'm competent and can get shit done unlike the people in my business. why not just leave me alone and let me function on my own?
>>2058528kek, it is but it has a lot of info which is why I like it. I'm more sociable and people are surprised when I tell them I'm a sperg because I can carry conversation well. I have an interest in certain people and maybe can seem intense, I'm not sure if it comes across to others as obsessive though.I would say this image describes it best but it feels like I have a meter that just sets off when theres too many demands made of me. also excel best at filling roles, not quite role-playing since I'm not into DnD and stuff but like social deduction games where you have a role. It also in my long term relationship has shown up via sex, the more he wants it from me the less I want to do it even if I have the urge to, to the point where it just doesn't happen at all. Hopefully that all makes sense
No. 2058749
>>2058674>>2058528PDA is really insiduous, especially when you don't even know it exists. In my life, it can look like anything from not wanting to get a menu item at a restaurant because someone recommended it to me, to actively avoiding work or even having trouble finding a job. When I worked in an office, I naively expected to be left alone for the most part because I worked efficiently, didn't really talk to anyone if I didn't have to, and followed up on things quickly. Unfortunately, all those traits meant my manager and even other team members saw no problem giving me even more tasks. Eventually the constant, unpredictable demands on my time, as well as the random fucking people popping by my cubicle and expecting me to entertain them with idle chitchat (and some other intolerable stuff about that place) made me break down and quit. It felt like I had no time for anything and that my time wasn't really mine, and I didn't know enough about setting boundaries or even managing my condition to understand why I was the only one working through lunch or stress-crying in the supply room with the lights off. Granted, that place was kinda shitty in general for other reasons, but with PDA tendencies it was unbearable.
Unrelated to PDA - does anyone get completely shut down from physical exhaustion? I swear some days I feel like a marionette with the strings taken out at the end of the day, or like the slightest movement requires overcoming an impossibly large amount of inertia.
No. 2060560
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I just have autism and didn't get a ADHD diagnosis (which is fine with me) but taking ritalin before bed helps me sleep. I don't have anything smart to say I just think it's neat. I'd think stimulants would keep me awake.
No. 2071174
>>2071073I think some people are just too far gone with the Big Pharma Bad mindset that they don't wanna admit medications do help a lot of people.
>this is why i can't get my fucking medicationI once experienced this for Bupropion, where my doctor had faxed the request but there was some sort of issue and the pharmacist was treating me like I was a crackhead for needing the pills, like interrogating me and asking if I sell them, etc.. Eventually I called my doctor and explained what the pharmacist was doing and then my doctor called the pharmacy to yell at them and the whole vibe change and suddenly I was being called ma'am and people were apologizing. I really do think at a certain point, people should be given more access to pills. I mean, if you've been on a medicine for more than 10 years surely the system can trust you to have more of your medicine instead of just the monthly dose? I think it would be good because then we'd have a backup for when the pharmacy doesn't have any left.
No. 2071335
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I saw this post on the vent thread
>>2071075 and it resonated with me because summer is hell for me too. Do any other spergs suffer from a similar fate? What are your tips for dealing with summer as an autist? I have to constantly wear sunglasses in the summer or else the bright sunlight irks me, sweating is something that induces tard rage in me so I have to use extra strength anti-antiperspirants, I like the warm weather but I can't do anything after it passes 20 degrees.
No. 2071599
>>2064975As someone who works with kids, I can't stand people who think like you. Meds are a godsend for the ADHD kids who need it. It helps them succeed immensely. Whereas the ones with ADHD who go unmedicated fall behind both academically and socially, and become increasingly frustrated about it. It is nothing like hormone blockers and that's an insane comparison to make.
>>2071335I hate summer. I'm very heat sensitive and become dehydrated quickly. Luckily chose a job where I don't work for much of the summer so I can just stay inside and be comfy.
No. 2072680
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I had an actual meltie at work today. Thank GOD it was not too bad but it was certainly a loss of all control for a few minutes. I very loudly shouted some profanities and then sobbed into my hands for a few minutes and wasn't able to do any work for the next hour. I got purely lucky that I was with my closest coworker (also ASD) and no managers were nearby (extremely rare this is the case) when I screamed. It's terrifying to know I can still lose control like that, since I wasn't looking around to see if people were around. I could have lost my job if a manager just saw me sobbing, acting feral, and yelling "FUCKING SHUT THE FUCK UP" over seemingly nothing. It was just a perfect storm of over stimulation and I was taken over the edge. I've had public meltdowns before but I've always been a high masker at work and been able to keep my shit together, or at the very least take any aggressive stimming to the bathroom. But damn, I'm kind of scared now.
No. 2072701
>>2064975I am so fucking tired of people like you. I've been unmedicated my entire life until my early 30s. all my life I've been a failure. I was hated by both students and teachers because of my inability to stay still and do what I was told. my parents just gave up on me at some point because they thought I was a lost cause. my academic life is a pile of failures and my self esteem is ruined after being told "she is intelligent but extremely lazy" year after year. I had no idea what was wrong with me so I just blamed myself for not doing better. I have literally punched myself on the face in front of my class because the teacher said she was just tired of dealing with me. my parents ignored any psychologist saying I had to go to a psychiatrist and/or needed medication, because they were people like you and thought medication was evil and harmful, oh they were "just trying to protect me". so I just went to a therapist once a week to be told "just don't do it" every single week, and every single week I would tell her "I tried but I couldn't" and she would just blame me for being useless. I was 11. I have tried to kill myself several times because I just hate myself and my inability to complete anything, my inability to just sit down and learn some skill, anything. I can only learn things by catching them on the air or when my brain decides I should obsess about something, but not enough so I can become actually proficient at it. it is so tiresome. 3 years ago I decided to give all this bullshit of going to psychiatrists and therapists a last chance before I offed myself and I was blessed with a doctor who actually listened to me, understood what I meant and offered me concerta. every doctor I've been too thought I had some type of bipolar because of the impulsivity. I was tired of being drugged with meds that did absolutely nothing and only made things worse. I can actually complete a task now. I don't feel so terrible about myself anymore, because of that. I don't feel addictive or impulsive urges, I quit drinking, smoking, imagine that. imagine if I didn't have those urges when I was in my school years. I could've done something with my life, instead of becoming a chainsmoker highschool dropout. but nooooooooooooo imagine giving amphetamines to kids, let them live miserable lives where they can instead get addicted to REAL drugs (not me saying that, studies say untreated ADHD patients are more likely to develop addictions, be in accidents, commit suicide, you name it) and just ruin their lives slowly so it doesn't bother you there are kids taking drugs YOU wish you were tweaking on. I hope you stub your toe every single day of your life. people like you denied me a fulfilled life. fuck you.
No. 2072756
>>2072739thank you for your kind words
nonny. I wasn't even actually lazy per se, I just had issues keeping up with writing, reading, doing math, etc and my teachers didn't seem to care if I or someone else stayed behind, they just wanted us to be quiet, so a lot of the times I was trying to pay attention but my mind wandered and I learned nothing. I had another classmate like me, but he was treated somewhat different, I feel like the teacher excused him way more often. his behavior changed completely around grade 7, I really think he started being medicated. I think I might have unsolved trauma about education settings in general because I really want to go back to school but thinking about it makes me petrified.
No. 2072902
File: 1719788419077.png (386.11 KB, 1170x1126, 1663284392787.png)
Does anyone have any autism whitepills? Staring down the barrel of 30 with this condition is really getting me down. There's so much I want to change and do with my life but I'm afraid it'll never happen for me
No. 2073266
>>2072902'NTs are boring NPCs!!' is incorrect and an annoying cope but i get why some think that.
My whitepills are
>You are an autistic woman, not a man. That's noticeably better than being an asperger man, whether we're talking about pure social ability or presentation. Yes, a lot of it is due to socialization, sex differences and the fact that people are less forgiving of faux pas for women in general, but the outcome is beneficial.
>Being autistic shields you from extreme anxiety around norms and feminine scriptingThis one took me very long to appreciate because i have a past with panic attacks and being slightly less compliant was harshly punished. But, hearing this from normal women made me appreciate my autism a little. Their way of saying it was 'you are less concerned with [bullshit] and i really like that in you' and i could see why when they'd describe the rest of their social life. Also, even if you struggle with anxiety episodes or a complex around autism, the fact is autistic women are much more likely to go 'kek don't care' when people around us try to get us to care about pointless social minutiae. I'm sure that if you look back, you'll realize that you were completely oblivious to a lot of things and that might sting, but it also means you have less of a mental burden on a day-to-day basis.
And yeah, hanging with other spergs does wonders. Even if it's very occasional, it feels like sticking your head out of water. If you end up befriending an autist you don't find annoying it's even better.
No. 2073355
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i haven’t had a single friend since i was 15. turning 24 soon. should i kill myself or does it ever get better?
No. 2073364
>>2072701>because they were people like you and thought medication was evil and harmfulkek sorry you got
triggered and felt personally attacked. Nobody said medication is evil. Harmful? Well yes, EVERY medication has negative side effects. The post was specifically about CHILDREN, not about fully grown adults in their 30s.
>I was tired of being drugged with meds that did absolutely nothing and only made things worse. Mhm were you now, hypocritical much?
>people like you denied me a fulfilled life. fuck you.I legit think your meds aren't working as well as you think they are, there is nothing calm or controlled about this post and it's filled with hyperactive rage and a lack of control of your emotions. If I contribute to your life sucking simply by maintaining basic safe-guarding for kids, then I'll happily let your life suck.
No. 2073369
>>2073192>What does NT mean?NeuroTypical. Non-autist/ADHD haver with a normal brain.
I don't use it and the matching "neurodiverse" which was used to mean specifically "ASD + ADHD" but much like trans it now means "anyone who says they are so" and iirc the creator of the term endorsed using it for all sorts of things like being trans, ocd, depression etc so imo both words have lost their meaning.
No. 2073768
File: 1719852801811.jpg (65.65 KB, 837x837, truth.JPG)
>>2073118True I do think NTs tend to be boring followers
>>2073119>>2073138Yea I really need to make some aspie friends at this point. I'm way too isolated
>>2073266The idea that I'm breaking rules without realizing it does make me feel bad though. I can't help being nlog but I don't want to be a freak either. Idk I guess I should just learn to lean into it if I'm going to be a freak either way
>'you are less concerned with [bullshit] and i really like that in you'That literally sounds like some passive aggressive female NT bullshit kek
No. 2073825
>>2073807You are right in the sense that the vast majority of things are more fun when you're doing them with other people. You are also right that you probably have bad vibes that are pushing other people away. That said, pushing yourself to find friends is like being an incel who scrambles to try and find a girlfriend. Desperation repels people. You might think your earnest attempts at connection are not desperate but they are, normie women have finely tuned systems that make them turn strange people away. Ironically you have more of a chance to make friends with men but they are never going to give you the same fulfillment of a female friendship, and you put yourself at great risk for harassment.
Is my tactic of keeping my cool and being as autonomous as possible going to work out in the long run? Possibly, or maybe I will die alone. But I'm never going to act desperate for other people to be around me, I will work on myself, be true to myself and hopefully rework myself in a way where I stop giving out a negative aura and I start to attract people.
No. 2073866
>>2073768>That literally sounds like some passive aggressive female NT bullshit kek You think? Lol
The women who told me this were close friends so i assumed it was sincere appreciation instead of subtle 'retarded pet' treatment but what do i know
>The idea that I'm breaking rules without realizing it does make me feel bad thoughRight? I hate it and it's my default state but on a meta level, i try to picture a benevolent person who appreciates autism for these reasons (could be about autistic creativity or honesty, etc). Such people are rare but i try to imagine autists aren't annoying 100% of the time to onlookers. Okay maybe this is cope and not a whitepill. I maintain that autism in women can balance out negative socially-induced problems
No. 2074002
>>2072902Get to know other autistics if you can. I realize I just get along with most other autistic women instead of driving random people into (ironic) tard rage for standing around and doing nothing and giving off uncanny valley no matter how hard I try. If there's something I hate about autism it's that if I walk into a room, class, meeting etc and do or say absolutely nothing and people just hate me for no reason I know everyone knows I have the 'tism. So, since I can't hide it, I tell people I have the 'tism which they believe instantly (kek) then generally I find myself in less trouble afterwards. Save for
>creepy moids who see me as easy prey>girl groupies who selectively exclude due to female rivalry>that specific kind of boomer or gen x woman who's hobby is holding grudges against women half her age The way other women can band around a single autistic woman is scary and I'm not surprised it has pushed many over the precipice of NLOGism and spawned a million of those retarded images. If you're getting ganged up on by other women for seemingly no reason I'll let you in on a secret, they're NT and have sniffed out you're a sperg despite your mask. just accept it before it becomes painful and you feel betrayed for being excluded
>>2073266>the fact is autistic women are much more likely to go 'kek don't care' when people around us try to get us to care about pointless social minutiae.>you'll realize that you were completely oblivious to a lot of things and that might sting,I have no idea if that factoid about autistic women going through phases much later than their counterparts is real or just a meme but it really fits for me. It sounds stupid but I felt and acted like a complete child all throught my teens and only in my 20s did I start acting and feeling like a typical teenager. Now that I'm in my 30s, I feel like I'm in my 20s. I don't know how to word this without sounding like a flex because I actually really don't like it, I have a hard time talking to anyone my age. I only get along with anyone younger or older. This is not a good thing. It has never been a good thing for me.
No. 2074380
>>2074002>>2073119>>2073266Nta but I get so uncomfortable around other autistics, being around someone even slighty spergy raises my hackles in a way that takes a long time to soothe afterwards. It's even more exhausting than being around NTs.
Actually I do want to connect with other autistics for the solidarity and understanding but I have to get it through anonymous text on Lolcow because IRL I just want to scream in their faces. Idk what to do, does anyone else feel this?
No. 2074432
>>2074380>does anyone else feel this?I used to feel scared and annoyed by other autists too but it was more a reflection of my own personal issues with my diagnosis and also a deep fear of actually
being a sperg. It was basically just self-hatred that seeped out of me and influenced how I felt around others similar to me.
No. 2074437
>>2073668i literally have 63726 hobbies to the point where i can’t make time for all of them and still wish I had company. yeah yeah i ward people off with my weirdness or whatever.
>>2073668you should worry more. when i was 5 years into it i didn’t care. it started to hurt past 2 years or so. it will catch up to you one day lol
No. 2074710
>>2073666>Is it possible that I have just been an extreme procrastinator since childhood or that I may possibly have ADHD?Rule of thumb, never assume you have a specific disorder (not just ADHD) until you've explored every other possible reason. Do not self-diagnose.
For example for ADHD, you could be intolerant of common foods that make you feel sluggish all the time, you could have sleep apnea and insomnia that make you constantly a bit tired, unchecked allergies, your family upbringing might have been chaotic so you were stressed all the time and had a hard time focusing, you were plopped down in front of tv, games, social media and it fried your dopamine receptors so now you only respond to immediate stimulation, you were born late in the year and/or were taller than your peers and were thus always expected and assumed to be older and more mature than you really were which made adults constantly disappointed in you and you took it to heart thinking you were immature and lazy (kids born late in the year are more often diagnosed with ADHD for these reasons).
You could also have ADHD, but first make sure at a very base you're good on 3 things: Consistent quality sleep. Regular healthy eating. A future goal you're motivated to meet.
You really need all 3 of them, it can't be just 2/3. If you've got all 3 and still don't function you can start looking into if you have a disorder. Speaking from experience, if you're healthy but have no aspirations or goals you will still be lazy and do nothing at all. If there is nothing on my schedule I get 0 things done at all that day. If I have things to do I somehow magically have 50 times more energy. I think a lot of kids/young adults are called "lazy" when in reality they just feel aimless and hopeless about the future and can't see the point in doing things like working when they know they can't ever afford a house anyway.
No. 2074714
>>2074002>>the fact is autistic women are much more likely to go 'kek don't care' when people around us try to get us to care about pointless social minutiae.This, but about bullshit like troon ideology. His feelings are hurt if I refer to him as a man who forces his way into female spaces? Too bad, I say what I see.
And also the way autists use science and proof instead of accepting lies at face value, because that's "nice".
No. 2075179
>>2075123Yes, you just gotta correct them with "that's what I said, you misheard me" every time until you learn to be a bit louder. But do try saying it jokingly and not like you're annoyed with them, even if you are.
It's difficult tho because to me it always sounded like everyone else was pretty much shouting and I was the only one speaking normally, and I just couldn't shout. Speaking at their level mentally really felt like if you were to suddenly in a public space scream at the top of your lungs; you just know that's rude, startling and socially not accepted so you don't want to do it - you CAN'T do it. That's what it felt like.
Honestly one thing that helped me overcome it was meeting people who were as soft spoken and quiet as me. Then it became clear to me that "oh I can't hear this guy and it's making conversation really difficult. Huh I guess people really can't hear what I'm saying either and I really do need to be louder".
You always hear your own voice louder (and deeper) because your voice echos through your skull into your ears, so you're not as loud as you perceive yourself.
The way I've been able to make most progress is by recording myself speaking. I'd read from a book or article or anything. Then I listened back to get used to hearing my own voice and cadence. It feels super cringe at first but you get used to it. It allowed me to simply build confidence while speaking and then I could experiment with different tones or ways of speaking. I'd only do it when alone kek. Eventually I managed to speak a bit louder without feeling like I was shouting, and I haven't gotten asked to speak up or been misheard majorly in years now (used to be very regular). I'm still not loud but at least now people can hear me!
No. 2075872
>>2071826Why would we give medication to kids who don't need medication…? That's like injecting insulin into kids who don't have diabetes. I really don't get what your point is, other than you seem to think ADHD kids shouldn't be medicated even though it helps them so much.
>>2073119My local one is filled with troons/genderspecials and it really bums me out. I went just once and was so uncomfortable.
No. 2076809
>>2075123>Like no bitch 20 is too fucking big why would anybody say that?This is making me kek. I can hear the anger.
Like
>>2075179 said, it's all about practice. I had similar problems to you, for a long time I was always so anxious to speak that I often spoke very quickly and stumbled on my words. I speak dialect accent different from most people around me besides, so it was difficult for others to parse what I had said. I ended up taking time every morning to read aloud phrases from magazines in the clearest way I could manage while looking at my mouth in the mirror. After a few weeks of practicing enunciation this way, I could speak much clearer but I still had the pace problem. Now when I talk to people, I have to consciously remind myself to slow it down, usually if I'm talking to someone I rely on their facial expressions to gauge whether or not they understand me. Over time, my confidence around others increased a lot.
No. 2076869
>>2076847I take both bupropion and escitalopram, started maybe like in April? For sure escitalopram makes you gain weight. I actually bupropion alone because I felt it made me less “hungry” or focused on foods, too bad it was terrible at managing my moods. I was often crying or getting heated easily which isn’t typical of me, so I had to get escitalopram. It sucks though because it really lowers your libido, and mine was already lower than average. I also got Xanax prescribed but was told to only take it whenever I anticipate I will be in a situation that I know “
triggers” me, so like conferences, meetings, etc. I usually only take that once a week; it really mellows you out. Makes me feel calmer than usual and I like it because the one day I go into the office and have to deal with the idiots there I can tolerate it much better. Just kinda wish I could go off the escitalopram but I know I can’t.
No. 2076896
>>2074420It's not happening on purpose, I'm not feeding into it by seething about how gross they are, it is a deeply uncomfortable gut reaction I'm trying to suppress. I would never say any of this to their faces. Did you read the part where I said I wanted autist friends?
>>2076449Happy for you, but I don't know why it happens, that's why I'm asking.
>>2074432Thanks for answering, it makes sense. What did you do to get over it?
No. 2076989
>>2076847thanks anon, i was taking wellbutrin but i think it's fucking with my blood pressure now that i'm in my early 30s and taking adderall; it was fine at 22 but idk now. thank you for the rec re: escitalopram bc i will ask about that in two weeks, i appreciate you
>>2076869 thank you anon. i hope things have gotten easier. trying to navigate medication is so fucking hard
>>2076886 ty, she gave me a bunch of options and i said dealer's choice bc i've only ever taken wellbutrin, so she rec'd an SSRI and lexapro was the one she thought might work but if it doesn't, i'll ask for that next, ty
>>2076913 lol that's why i've only been on wellbutrin for SAD ugggghhhh i don;t wan't to be a sexless person but at this juncture i don't even have sex with my husband at all bc i'm so depressed and anxious so being alive is better than not having sex
(integrate) No. 2077935
>>2076479thank you nona! i’m sorry there isn’t stuff like that where you live. (i honestly think i’m very fortunate, i don’t think it’s common here either but i happen to live close to this particular school that has the course idk if there’s anything like it anywhere else in my country.)
i hope you’re able to meet other nice autists anyway and have a nice support net, it sucks that autism is seen as a childhood disorder. we can all need help and guidance, regardless of age.
No. 2078009
>>2076896>Thanks for answering, it makes sense. What did you do to get over it?It's really dependent on the person. Like for me, when I was a kid I couldn't control my voice level and everyone always said I was annoying for being loud so I developed a neurosis about it. When I was in my teens I was always quiet because I was sort of afraid to be loud and feel embarrassed, so whenever I was around other spergs with trouble controlling their voice I'd always feel a deep sense of second-hand embarrassment. Eventually I got over this from introspection and figuring out why I felt that way, I realized that if the other person isn't embarrassed to be loud, why should I feel embarrassment for them? Then, if the other person can be loud sometimes and not be embarrassed, why should I feel embarrassed? And so on and so on. Now I don't have a neurosis about it anymore, I can be loud sometimes, others can be loud sometimes, I can even tolerate screaming more and I think it helped me become more assertive. You just have to introspect about what about other spergs makes you feel annoyed or scared, and how that relates to your experiences and feelings and how to navigate them.
No. 2078233
>>2075997I'm so glad this kind of hopeful post exist in this thread. Now I'm deathly curious if there's any service like this where I live.
>>2074386Sorry I didn't see your reply. My cycle is extremely irregular (every few months), and I've seen a gyno about it with a full round of exams, and it's mainly my protein and sugar intake, so I cut down hard on the carbs and sugars while attempting to increase my protein intake. It's still pretty irregular so I feel like I should go back. You've granted me an interesting perspective though. I'm trying to scramble for whatever medication or correct habits I can find when it could be a sign of unrest from my body. I sound a lot more hopeful than I actually am though. Should I go back for another round of exams?
No. 2078282
>>2074380I don't feel like that towards fellow level 1s, but level 2s and 3s make me super fucking uncomfortable. Like seeing someone wearing noise earmuffs, flapping their arms, grunting and screaming at the top of their lungs. I just can't believe I have the same disorder as them.
Speaking of which, is anyone else annoyed that the Asperger's label was taken from us? I understand why it needed to be changed, but instead of changing it to something else, they just shoved everything under the general autism label. I really feel like I have something significantly different than these very high needs people and that it should have a separate name to reflect that. Is that just me?
No. 2078810
My local university’s HR department has a special subdivision for working with disabled people (including high functioning autistic people) and they’re helping me find a job at the university. The lady who’s been assigned my case is really nice and says she has worked with tons of spergs like me yet she doesn’t seem to understand that I take things literally. Like she wrote “we’ll figure X out together in July after I’m back from my break” so I waited until July to contact her about X, and now she’s all surprised I haven’t already done X by myself. I’ve looked into it and figured out a plan but I haven’t taken any steps yet because she told me we’d do it together and she was on break. Was I supposed to disregard what she actually wrote and assume she meant something else? Why? Why not write what you mean?? I understand that taking things too literally is an autistic trait and I’m the weird one in this interaction but this shit drives me up the wall, nonnies.
>>2078282I feel the same way. Like the other anon, I tell people I have Asperger’s instead of autism. The handful of times I have used the word autism people started acting really uncomfortable around me like they expected me to start screaming at any moment. The only time I’ve ever been “corrected” it was by a self-diagnosed munchie whose whole identify was wrapped up in being disabled.
No. 2079143
>>2079124I can believe this. He has all the criteria for unpleasantness (male, successful in one specific domain, is dubbed a genius, etc)
Rereading my post and
>but get cocky and display unpleasant cockinessKEK my bad
No. 2079326
>>2078233For periods, i started taking inositol and it really helped making things more regular, please look it up. You don't have to have PCOS for it to work.
As for habits, I also really struggled with going all-or-nothing, even accounting for my cycle. What helped me was scaling back my ambition and focusing on doing things every day that were like embarrassingly easy, so much so that there was no reason not to do it, and keeping it at that low level for longer than it feels like you should. Like if you can't brush your teeth every day, can you keep some xylitol gum by your bed?
I found I couldn't bring myself to go through the trouble of getting changed to work out, make myself follow the routine, and then shower after, so I started doing 10 kettlebell swings every day. I focused on maintaining that for several months, until I was really bored and ready to add more workouts. Now I'm going to the gym whenever I can.
Obv I don't know what habits you're struggling with, and I don't mean to sound like I've fixed it for myself either, I still struggle. But the solution to the boom-and-bust cycles is to keep it as simple as possible even on the good days, and to see building consistency as the marker of progress.
No. 2080683
>>2079054Only somewhat related but just the other day I realized that I generally only struggle with male level 1s. Or in other words, that I‘m struggling with pretty much all male level 1s, regardless of whether they have inflated egos or narcissistic tendencies.
Because you can tell they never had to mask a single day in their life and get by just fine. Because they’re boys they get a free pass with every single fucking thing. Men do already lack empathy and social awareness as is, now if you put autism on top it makes it even worse. So even if they’re trying to be somewhat sociable/socially adapt, they lack any ounce of common sense.
Autistic girls can be obnoxious too, obviously, but usually they at least TRY to adapt and better themselves, while I‘ve never met an autistic male of any age that ever thought about trying to adapt to their social circle.
No. 2080876
>>2080683Same. Some do better (level 1s with high neuroticism or conscientiousness) but they still betray their male socialization all the time.
>>2080861SNS seems to be almost designed to terrorize spergs (everything is embedded in a web of frienships/rivalries (which are not always clear), mutual surveillance, screenshotting mistakes, limited capacity to add context so you can easily be misinterpreted…). Imageboards and forums are relatively much more relaxed. If you're cautious you can avoid becoming a recognizable poster, the focus is more on things that interest you or discussions that are more or less devoid of extra parasitic information. A long infight bears no consequences on a sperg's social circle. You don't have to repeatedly burn bridges after offending NTs and you don't have to worry about your image as an annoying tard. Forums combine both elements of IBs and SNS but still are slower, leaving more time to take in new info and reply without embarrassing yourself
No. 2080916
>>2080876As weird as it sounds I found that as a sperg I get along best with psychopathic types
They seem to figure out that I'm an autist and just drop the social approval mask and don't care about me fucking up social cues or being inappropriate
Of course you don't want to trust these types of people but I find them easier to be around
No. 2083295
>>2083172Im sorry I don't have any advice for you but I see a lot of people who are self diagnosed with autism act like literal children. It's so fucking weird. There will be 20 something year olds who have previously never had issues communicating buying communication cards like the ones literal nonverbal children use and having "stim attacks" on camera where they act like kids. Or the chew toy necklaces.
I think they want fewer responsibilities and just lean in hard to the autism self diagnosis.
No. 2083372
>>2083354Sometimes stress builds up and we don't even realize it. When we're stressed out, we can be quick to feel negative emotions like anger, despair, etc., so it's best to keep our stress levels at a minimum so we can be relaxed. You have to become better at recognizing the feelings of stress within you, and familiarize yourself with how you act when you're past your stressed threshold. Ask yourself, what stressors do you deal with every day? Figure out ways to handle stress and cope with your stressors. For me, this looks like planning my days better so that I don't have as many appointments or close together, I find having 2 days a week where I can be alone and sort myself out is great for managing my stress. Another way I manage my stress if by going on walks in a natural setting, like a park, and just absorbing nature. Being around trees and rivers and shit like that really helps calm people down. When I started working 40 hour weeks, I found it really difficult to be around people because I didn't give myself enough time every day to de-stress. It takes effective time management, but I managed to carve out an hour per day where I was alone and focused on "me" so I could de-stress.
No. 2083388
>>2083172Ime, it depends on how long it has been since she had “confirmation”.
When I was diagnosed, I acted a lot like her. I was happy not because I was autistic but because I finally knew the roots of lots of suffering and trauma, I felt like I could finally reframe myself as a person, my experience and build my present and future with tools I needed before.
It’s common for autistic people to “regress” because of unmasking for the first time. I quickly snapped out of it when my husband made me notice I was leaving behind the part of me that could function (or try to) in society.
Try talking to her as a friend, without judgement. Good luck!
No. 2084132
>>2083960>Out of curiosity, does anyone here have an autism diagnosis but never was outcasted/bullied in school?Me, a sibling and a friend of mine are all diagnosed autists and none of us were bullied (separately, didn't go to the same schools). It really depends on the place/culture. Bullying is very common in America compared to my European country. It's rarer, and where when it happens here is a lot milder. (There are actual studies comparing it all, I've worked with children and learned about it then.)
However! I knew one moid autist who sort of confessed (and I figured out out from context clues) that as a teen he was one of those cringe edge-lords who loved to make people feel uncomfortable for fun. I'd count that as being a type of bully.
And with all that said we were still seen as "the weird kid" on some level. Like people knew something was a bit off but they didn't care enough to bully us.
No. 2085164
>>2084132>Like people knew something was a bit off but they didn't care enough to bully us.That's so nice, I'm glad that didn't happen to you, sounds like an interesting study. I wonder why it's more commonplace in America.
>>2083966Like the other nona said, I've noticed now a lot of people who seem like bullies or even try to exclude me as an adult claim to be "neurospicy" or "so adhd/autistic". There was this girl I briefly became friends with that I told I was a sperg and she was like "I think I might be too but my doctor said I have BPD" after spending more time with her it's clear she's not an autist and just a weird jealous person who is trying to skin walk me and simultaneously exclude me. That's just one example. The worst one I've come across is a therapist who claims to be autistic, from a support group I was in and she's just one of those twitterfag genderspecials, hated my guts and made sure I knew it.
No. 2085213
>>2085164>"I think I might be too but my doctor said I have BPD"I think they're just BPD then but autism is a "nicer" diagnosis so they pretend it's that.
>The worst one I've come across is a therapist who claims to be autistic, from a support group I was in and she's just one of those twitterfag genderspecials, hated my guts and made sure I knew it.Sorry you had to experience that, but god she sounds like she'd be such a hilarious lolcow to follow online
No. 2085223
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>>2085211i'm a huge pokemonfag, and i swear at least 50% of women who are into it are autists too
No. 2087398
>>2085733You usually don't even have to talk back, just nod and use filler words like: oh? Mhm. Yeah. Ok, sounds nice. cool.
And they'll be happy most of the time. I don't actually care about what they're saying, I've just mastered acting like I'm listening.
No. 2087399
>>2085985>Being introverted and awkward =/= autismI wanna ask a question to everyone related to this. Do you feel you are awkward?
Asking because my impression is that for the most part us autist don't feel the awkwardness, the awkwardness is what others feel because the autist unknowingly does something socially incorrect. You need a lot of social awareness to realize that others are subtly acting strange around you in response to something you did and to figure out you must have done something socially wrong and to internalize that as bad and feel awkward. I can only really spot it when it's my (also autistic) friends who do something off compared to the normies around us, and even then usually I don't "feel" that it's awkward I just think "huh, I guess she does that differently than the normies and they don't seem to like it".
No. 2087422
>>2087399I have been acutely aware of my awkwardness since I was around 10 years old, give or take. Maybe it’s a cultural thing but in my experience, people (especially other women and especially teenage girls) are not subtle about it when they think I’m being weird. I have enough social awareness to tell when someone is sneering at me, or rolling their eyes, or turns their back to me, or makes a point of talking over me and changing the subject. When all of my school ‘friends’ suddenly drop all contact with me over the summer holidays but do hang out together during that time, I notice. When my workplace has a ladies’ night out and I’m the only woman not invited, I notice. I wasn’t diagnosed until my early twenties and had insane amounts of social anxiety as a teen because I could tell I was doing something wrong but no one could ever explain to me what it was or how to fix it. After my diagnosis I had social skills training, but that focused only on the obvious e.g. don’t interrupt people, don’t touch people, don’t sperg out about the same subject for 30 minutes straight without letting anyone else get a word in. My faux pas are apparently more subtle so the training was no help with that. Even nt people who know me well and regularly observe me in social situations can’t tell me what specifically I’m doing wrong aside from being rather quiet. It’s a “vibe” or something. I wish I could either be normal or more oblivious because this middle ground is fucking hellish.
No. 2087773
>>2087399I think i was aware subconsciously as a kid that other people behaved differently than I did, that I there was something that I didn't understand, but I thought everyone felt like that. Other people would call me 'different', but I thought everyone was masking like me (and they were just better at it), and part of being in a culture was pretending to like hanging out in big groups and being catty. I didn't actually engage much with that type of socialising, and I thought how sad it was there weren't more people like me who felt comfortable being themselves. Surely if I was being super weird, somebody would helpfully explain it directly to my face, right? Lol.
I thought I was doing a great job masking until my dad got diagnosed in my mid 20s, and I started to question myself and other people about what was normal. Also I think I got burnout because my sensory issues went crazy. Looking back, now I know the signs of nt people signalling that you're acting weird, they were doing it all the time.
I think I got away with it because I was conventionally attractive in a cute way, and alt, so people put a lot of it down to quirkiness?
No. 2087790
>>2087399Tbh, I only noticed I was awkward around my mid 20's, until then I felt like the hate I received wasn't in any shape or form justified.
It was only then that I noticed how awkward I am, and it makes me wonder just how much of a mess I am as of now.
No. 2087796
>>2087422>have been acutely aware of my awkwardness since I was around 10 years old>had insane amounts of social anxiety as a teen because I could tell I was doing something wrongBut aren't those different things? Do you actually feel awkwardness or do you just feel anxious because you know something is wrong but you don't know what it is?
>>2087790Aw nona! I'm sure you're not that bad, and receiving "hate" is rarely justified unless you were straight up an asshole to people on purpose. And even now, do you actually feel awkward acting those ways or do you now just know that others may feel it around you?
No. 2087824
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>>2087796I mostly feel awkward /after/ whatever I said made things really, really awkward or after I do my usual debriefing of the day with myself, then I feel really awkward and try to cope thinking that it may have not been that bad.
It's so annoying, I'm quick to see patterns or react to many things (ie: catching something before it falls on the ground) I can make stories and characters out of the blue and make up nice names for characters/brands/places, I can make slogans easily and think of businesses.
But the moment I have to engage in a conversation I blurt out the most retarded shit or zone out and then blurt out retarded shit because I don't know what to say or I somehow forget an important answer to a question.
Make it stop, please.
No. 2087931
>>2087422>I have been acutely aware of my awkwardness since I was around 10 years old.I relate to you a lot. I think I first realized I was different age 8 or 9, but only around age 14 did I finally realize my own awkwardness. It's weird because it dawned on me so suddenly one day, that the things that I was doing were wrong or strange or awkward. I think that's when I first really concentrated on developing an adequate mask. It was like I was totally on autopilot until I was 14, only then did I take a step back in my own conscience and realize.
>>2087399>I wanna ask a question to everyone related to this. Do you feel you are awkward?I feel very awkward when I'm amongst a lot of others, like when I'm walking on the sidewalk for example I feel very very awkward just walking. It's weird but when I'm around a lot of other people, I want to try very hard to blend in so I'll always be thinking say "Am I walking right? Too fast? Too slow? How are others walking?" On certain streets people speed-walk down without looking up, and on other streets people casually stroll while looking around. I always try to match the general mood of the atmosphere around me, that I can perceive anyway. I feel like I somehow take up space weirdly or wrong when I'm out and about. When I'm in a closed off space with fewer people, I don't feel this same anxiety.
I don't feel awkward when I interact with others though, especially one on one. I read a lot of conversation skills and communication skills books when I was a teenager and young adult, and I really worked hard on because more extroverted and out-going. I'm proud of how well I can interact with others. Sometimes I get overwhelmed or miss a cue, or make the wrong expression, but I've gotten very good at 'masking' so to speak. Most people enjoy conversing with me and I don't mind talking with strangers (although if they approach me I take an extra second to register what's happening kek). I don't struggle much anymore with that dread of "oh am I me or is my mask me?" anymore because I prescribe to the crystallized self theory. I go to an adults with aspergers support group too, and it's good to talk with other spergs about stuff and relate with them.
No. 2088227
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More of a vent than anything but tonight made me realise how much my autism actually affects me socially. Got invited on a night out with a few coworkers and their friends, everything was going fine then I just get hit with a massive wave of over stimulation to the point where I had to straight up leave. Also to mention we were drinking and the other issue with this is that I don’t want to rely on alcohol to help me socially so I set a strict 3 drink only rule which I stuck to. This is becoming a more often occurrence and I’m not handling it well. I want to get close to people and do fun activities with them, but how can I do that when I can’t even be with them for more than a few hours without wanting to runaway back home and hide in my room. They have made it very clear that they like me and keep inviting me to things but I feel so guilty I can’t give them my all without wanting to run away and feeling like I’m gonna crawl out of my skin.
No. 2089195
>>2088227Would it be feasible to explain your sensory issues to them? I had the same problem with people in college who only ever wanted to hang out in the context of clubs/parties/noisy pubs and like you, I just can’t function in those environments for long. Back then they thought I was just making excuses but I feel like nowadays there’s so much more awareness of sensory difficulties and overstimulation that there’s a good chance your coworkers will understand.
>>2089044Every girl I know would avoid the awkward weird boys like the plague because you never know how a boy like that will react when he thinks he has a chance with you. One of them stalked a girl for over a year after she was assigned to do a group project with him. I wouldn’t be surprised if this trope is just a self-victimising role reversal wish fulfilment fantasy in the same vein as when moids thought succubi would seduce them to steal their sperm. Everything men accuse us of is something they (want to) do to us.
No. 2089973
>>2088227Like
>>2089195 said, you could explain the sensory issues to them. My best excuse for this is that I'm "prone to migraines," and that when I'm in a loud place for too long I risk "having a migraine tomorrow morning." I find coming up with little white lies for these sorts of things easier than trying to dump my life and my issues onto others. If you still want to go out with them, research lounges in your area. Usually they're much quieter and have less going on, so they're my go-to since I can't do the whole loud club atmosphere.
No. 2090149
>>2089044>Seeing moids on TikTok whine about their empathy for the autistic boy who would get asked out as a joke by the popular girls in high school makes me laugh because this literally never happens kek.Yeah, I'm convinced this has never happened at any time in any place on earth. It's a made up mean girl trope, real girls avoid weird guys because they're a potential threat. And if they really are popular they're usually not an asshole because then people would dislike them.
And if they for some reason are both mean AND popular they still would be risking losing their social status by asking the weirdo out, and they'd potentially be stuck with him at their heels all day. Even us autist females know that! If anything all it would do is start rumors that she's so slutty she even tried to get with the weird guy.
And if she was so autistic that she didn't know that… let's just say she wouldn't be the popular one kek
No. 2092588
>>2092548I still use it, every aspie i know irl also still use it. If they've got a problem with it they can all eat my ass(pergers) kek
>>2091141>Amazing how they manage to live fuller and more social/crowd filled lives than most disorder free people do but can never downgrade to saying their anxiety is just the boring regular type.Yeah like, they clearly just do not suffer from an extreme anxiety disorder like they always claim. Me at my worst socially anxious phase as an awkward teen had trouble even leaving the house, I ended up sobbing on the floor instead. I wouldn't even have called that extreme, nor would I have classified it as a disorder because I was literally in the middle of being a hormonal insecure teen. I had anxiety those days, that's it.
No. 2095940
>>2095577Same. I hate how I take things literally and need people to be super direct with me. I feel like I “missed the memo” and I’m lacking whatever mind-reading superpower everyone else has. I used to cry a lot when I was a kid because my mom would to get mad at me and say that I was “more like a boy” because I’m so unaware of my surroundings and other people’s emotions. Whereas to me, it just feels like people aren’t saying what they mean! How am I supposed to know the difference! It’s confusing as fuck.
Like
Person: I’m FINE!
>Oh okay they said they’re fine, nothing to worry about>goes on with my day>okay they’re acting like they’re mad at me? >does not compute?? It always leads to arguments and me getting frustrated and feeling retarded for not “getting it” and the other person remaining mad at me and thinking I’m being an asshole. it’s not fun or quirky at all and I just wish I knew what it was like to be normal and just be able to “read the room”.
No. 2098389
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So fucking tired of not being able to get my meds and just having to scrape by at school. I know I am capable of so much better, I know I keep making stupid, small mistakes. I know all of this. But the propensity to fuck up and shit the bed is literally in my nature. I cannot overcome it on my own.
No. 2099821
>>2098389>I cannot overcome it on my own.Not to be all "just beleev in urself uwu" but if you truly believe that you can't do something, it becomes reality no matter if it was actually true or not to begin with. I'm speaking from experience, I used to be 100% sure there were things I couldn't and wouldn't ever be able to do on my own. And now I do them on my own. It wasn't really about "believing in myself" as normies would constantly try to tell me, it was more just… accepting that trying and failing is ok. That half-assing things means I can half-ass the other half later and then I actually did the full thing in the end. That just because it's not "perfect" to my own standards or not done the conventional way doesn't mean it's not good enough or done at all. I also thought it would be impossible for me to ever live without anti-depressants, that "my brain chemistry is just too fucked up and not working like in a normal person" and now I'm meds free, have less anxiety and feel happier and more stable than ever before in my entire life. I was utterly convinced that couldn't happen - I KNEW that it would never happen. Yet now here I am.
I was thinking about how you said
>I know I keep making stupid, small mistakes. I know all of this. But the propensity to fuck up and shit the bed is literally in my nature.All this tells me is you have a lot of self-hatred. You call yourself stupid and someone who fucks up - over what you yourself admit are both small and mistakes.
No. 2100721
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anyone else have autism but absolutely hate schedules? i unironically have nightmares about schedules.
No. 2101187
>>2100721I love knowing exactly what to do, especially if it's fun. Like imagine a fun summer camp schedule, that has me going "heck yeah" because I know all of these fun things are coming up, I don't have to plan anything by myself, I know I won't accidentally miss anything, I know where I'll be and when etc love that.
But having even 1 "scary" thing on my schedule ruins my whole week. I was a chubby kid who hated both sports and my own body (being naked in front of other people gave me anxiety) so gym class felt like this big impending doom every week. For me the best day of the week wasn't the weekends, it was the day after gym class so I knew the next gym class was as far away as it could possibly be.
No. 2101908
>>2100721I cannot fucking do schedules for the life of me, so I think the "schedules" part of autism just means normalcy to me, because I really don't like change. This makes building habits difficult and quitting bad habits hard also. The way I've done schedules in my adult life is "today I will do x y and z" and leave it up to the wind and it's far more effective in getting me to do things because my discipline absolutely sucks and me setting a time to do something will not work and has never worked.
I take something I need to do at whichever time of day is most convenient and I set a timer of 1 to 2 hours. But I don't really like doing things this way. I want so badly to build schedules organically and be more disciplined, but I just cannot hold myself accountable. It's sooo irritating so if any anon has some advice I'd love to listen
>>2101859I haven't been on stimulants nearly as long as you but I'm surprised you're having withdrawals, I can quit cold turkey whenever and be fine. You might just not be used to your "normal" unmedicated energy levels. Power through it anon, you'll get used to it. Though it isn't something I've experienced personally, I've heard some anecdotes about quitting and having a harsh time adjusting. You have a month, so I have faith in you. Try to relax because stress will make things worse. And by relax I mean generally try to do relaxing things, massages, swimming, etc. Taking your mind off of the uncomfortable sensation might be better for you.
No. 2101985
>>2101859>Is this normal? Is this what being unmedicated is like?Yes, but no. After YEARS on a drug it's gonna take a long while to adjust. In general the longer you were on them, the longer the adjustment back will take. I wasn't on adderall but I'd say getting off my anti-depressants and axiety meds took at least half a year to feel "normal". They had told me "it takes a few weeks" but that was clearly not the case so I nearly gave up. Honestly at that point the only reason I didn't go back on them was that the doctor was such a fucking condescending cunt that I didn't want to have to talk to her ever again kek
I believe in you nona, it might sound silly but make sure the next month you do your utmost to relax and take care of yourself in all ways possible! Don't skip meals, make sure they're healthy too - forgive yourself for mistakes, relax as much as you can, take at least one walk outside every single day (in daylight). It will be ok!
No. 2102675
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found this in another thread and it made me smile
No. 2103364
>>2102675Made me smile too kek my friends and I are always being silly like that with each too.
>>2102320I think health checks are always wise if you can get them done. Wishing you the best of look nona!
No. 2103477
>>2103411Yeah it seems very likely. I cried when I found out what PDA was, because how do you explain that having to piss makes you angry without sounding like a drooling retard? Except apparently, it's a real thing.
Although not enough of a thing that psychologists or therapists or even the people themselves have any actual useful management strategies kek. Do you have any? Mostly I have to pretend to myself that I'm not actually doing the thing I need to do, or I work myself into enough of a panic that adrenaline helps force it, although both are exhausting.
Ideally I would like to find some sort of therapy or exercise that helps me reduce demand avoidance symptoms over time.
>>2101187>>2101229Amazing, my brain drags me screaming in the other direction of even fun things I want to do. It's like driving with a handbrake on the whole time.