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No. 399516

No. 399517

File: 1716236961246.jpg (465.85 KB, 1302x1302, 121325325235235.jpg)

Nonnas, do you have embarassing internet culture/weeb things on your phone? I've been a covert weeb for a very long time, no one outside of an internet friend could tell you I consume any weeb shit or have been a gaming addict in the past. I'm not nearly as deep into it as I was years back, but I still sometimes save some hard-to-explain stuff to my phone or devices, for purposes of shitposting and such, and I don't religiously purge all the "evidence".
But I am dating a very "normie" man in all the senses of the word, and I feel the urge to jump whenever he takes my phone in his hand to look at a picture I'm showing or uses my laptop for practical purposes. I almost feel like I need a second device or locked folders to enjoy my guilty pleasures, but obviously that'd just make him think I'm two-timing or something.
Anyone else with a "less-socially accepted" "female hobby"? Putting it all in quotations since it's all quite judgemental and stereotypical, but I mean not just being a covert weeb. Are you just open about things like these from the start on dates?

No. 399520

I'm going to die alone. How do I come to terms with this undeniable fact?

No. 399522

It's only weird because of how hard you're trying to cover it up. I genuinely don't think anyone is going to look at you freakishly considering how popular otaku shit is now

No. 399523

I used to be the same but one day something clicked (probably my frontal lobe maturing) and I completely stopped caring. It actually helped, in a way, because a lot of guys like "quirky" traits if they're already physically attracted to you. There's no need to be so insecure about it, own it. It's more socially accepted now than ever.

No. 399524

Fuck no my bf of 5 years doesn't know I'm a turbo fujo and never will. He knows I like anime because he's a super casual anime watcher, but doesn't know I have thousands of images of 2D boys saved in my pc. That's weird and creepy.
If he didn't watch anime at all I would keep it as hidden as possible. I only opened up about it after learning he also watched it.

No. 399526

he already knows

No. 399554

File: 1716248256897.png (137.91 KB, 301x453, IMG_1484.png)

For the first time in a year I looked up my ex bf’s social media, and it appears he deleted his Instagram and Twitter. I wonder why.. all our mutual friends picked him over me so I haven’t talked to them either since 2017. I wonder if anything happened to him. His parents facebooks are private and I don’t care enough to privately message them, that’d be weird. I typed his name + “obituary” and didn’t see anything, so I don’t think he’s dead either.
It’s been a while but I think I’m going to tweak if I found out he got a got a girl pregnant, but why would he delete social media over that? What do you guys think happened and should I drop it now or continue searching for my ex mans

No. 399560

Maybe he doesn't like using social media. Many such people nowadays.

No. 399561

File: 1716250043416.jpeg (Spoiler Image,152.71 KB, 1000x1138, 96B39C6F-1B58-40CA-8B0F-CB99DF…)

Reminds me of how bf was looking through those randomly selected photos snapchat shows you when looking through your gallery on there and he saw picrel. He knew I was a fujo but I don’t think he knew I had gay anime porn on my phone. We broke up a week later

No. 399569

I talked to my therapist about how i feel undateable for being a fujo and would rather stay alone forever than give that up and she said she had patients who were also fujos and had accepting bfs and that I shouldnt give up. If that's true, they got super lucky. Moids do not like it when we sexualize or objectify men.

No. 399572

Just found out the Nigel I’m seeing has ADHD. Looking at other nonas experiences with ADHD men I’m honestly kind of terrified now. Is there any hope for a relationship with an ADHD moid? I’ve been browsing reddit and here about womens experiences with it and they seem to be incredibly negative.

No. 399576

run away

No. 399577

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I wouldn’t bother. Pic rel is pretty much all men with ADHD do all day. Medically speaking, their prefrontal cortex is underactive or ‘hypoactive’.
Meaning that either they are either completely numb, dissociated and can’t empathize with others, or they’re having emotional breakdowns from being overstimulated and chimping out.

A hypoactive prefrontal cortex also switches the brain to ‘primitive mode’ so all he will care about is eating, cooming and generally behaving like a stupid violent ape.

ADHD men also have dopamine receptor damage (partly organically, partly because they’re so prone to drug abuse, porn addiction, doomscrolling and other vices, and no he will not quit them ever because they’re quite literally the only thing that makes him feel better and that he has to live for) and they also have naturally lower levels of oxytocin: in other words they’re basically incapable of bonding with their partner because of the chronic lack of these ‘love hormones’ that causes humans to bond. They are broken beyond repair.

Even when they take their meds (which is basically just meth) all it will cause them to do is to hyperfocus on absolutely retarded useless shit like online impulse shopping, gambling (nothing these retards love more than wasting their own and other peoples money) or porn again, for hours and hours.

No. 399579

They left out binge eating. My ex was a fat fuck who constantly stuffed his face and ballooned from 180 to 250 in a year. He thought he could ‘stay in shape’ by popping his meth pills, but even meth won’t keep you skinny when you’re binging 5000 calories a day and don’t ever expect them to offer you any kek.

No. 399585

I seem to attract ADHD men and it's never a great experience. Even when they are kind and loving, they will never hold down a job and basic adult stuff and when in an unemployed phase aren't as productive as you'd like and become super clingy. It maybe can work if you're the mommying type (gross).

No. 399586

maybe try name + GoFundMe, I think that's more typical these days rather than obituaries. But if he randomly died, I don't think his accounts would be deleted. you'll just see ppl posting RIPs and stuff.

No. 399588

This. ADHD moids are permanent manchildren. In a way I do feel
Sorry for them because they have a disability but if you shack up with one he will not only ruin his own life but yours too. Literally all the know how to do is consoom, and that’s an even bigger problem when most of them are unemployed and can’t work any kind of conventional job.

No. 399589

my bf is (not so) subtly trying to make me look and dress in a certain style that i personally hate and it’s beginning to really bug me.
he doesn’t directly pressure me or tell me what I can and can’t wear exactly, but he constantly drops hints and sends me links to stuff or pictures of other girls wearing things saying id look hot in this etc. he even is trying to make me do certain makeup and hairstyles and try colors i dislike because it makes him horny.

i understand everyone would like their partner to look a certain way and everyone has clothes and aesthetics that make them horny. but it’s seriously starting to remind me of my npd ex who would try and control everything about me from the way i did my eyebrows and what color lipstick i wore to the exact shades/colors and kind of underwear i was ‘allowed’ to wear.
at this point i feel dehumanized like a blowup doll and i feel like he’s eroding a big part of who i am by trying to dress me up me like this and make me into something i despise. its not like i don’t try already, i have my own thing going on, it suits me and it’s very me. but i keep attracting these highly controlling shallow men (partly my own fault because I’m too agreeable and nicey nicey) also when i don’t wear or do the stuff he wants he negs me and implies he’s going to find another girl who dresses the way he likes or jack off to women who do. im so tired of it and he knows he can get away with it because i love him so much.

No. 399590

Tell him to fuck off and shove his ‘tastes’ up his ass. Men should be kissing womens feet for the chance we even talk to them, not trying to control us or thinking they own us. Btw if he’s going to be this controlling chances are he’s going to be even more abusive down the line and has narcissistic tendencies like your ex. Reminder you do not have to tolerate this bullshit and you’re making a choice to stay with this deranged control freak moid. Run before it’s too late. You wont regret it.

No. 399593

I know you won't break up with him, but you really should. Be cautious of any man who wants you to change your appearance for him or perform sexually for him in any way. Too many men are treating their female partners like, as you said, blowup dolls that they use to reenact their favorite porn scenes. It's fucked up. Don't enable it.

No. 399607

my husband knows I'm a fujo and he's seen the doujin collection I've had since I was 15 with all the highly questionable pairings and everything. for a while one year he tried reading some just to see what I was into, that was kinda sweet of him but predictably he wasn't really into it (he reviewed Konya mo Nemurenai positively, he said it was funny kek). he doesn't care at all that I read it. I don't know what kind of insecure faggots you're meeting that would care you read BL but keep looking nonny, it does not make you undatable.

No. 399640

>when i don’t wear or do the stuff he wants he negs me and implies he’s going to find another girl who dresses the way he likes or jack off to women who do.
Stop letting him manipulate you.

No. 399651

File: 1716289732845.jpeg (329.91 KB, 1179x945, IMG_3212.jpeg)

this reminds me of this text about narcissists. him straightforwardly telling you he's disgusting and won't change means you can act accordingly, at least.

No. 399652

I’m so sorry, I hope he dies in a fire. It’s very telling, it doesn’t matter what you do or look like, he will always cheat and masturbate to rape on tape. He’s the problem and he accepts it. What a fucking monster retard. How would he react if you said the same thing regarding males? I bet he’d be shrieking and pissing himself. You deserve much better and there are men out there who DON’T watch porn regardless of what he wants you to believe. I feel for you

No. 399653

Sorry I deleted it because I was so embarrassed and also I know he lurks here sometimes. I need to ghost him. I don’t think I can take much more. He’s been gaslighting me like nuts but I know I’m right to be upset about this, thank you for confirming nonas. I just needed reassurance that I wasn’t going crazy.

No. 399655

No you’re perfectly sane anon, he’s just an evil bastard messing with your mind. No need to apologise, I understand.
>he lurks here
If you’re reading this you’re worthless scum and I hope you get raped by a horde of faggots on meth. All anon needs to do is post a photo of you and I’ll edit you into the filthiest gay porn imaginable and post it on my Facebook with 2000+ followers.

No. 399658

i understand deleting out of embarrassment and kept my post up for that reason, if he lurks here then that makes even more sense and deleting it was a good move. save that screenshot for yourself as a clear reminder he's a terrible person and to trust your own judgment, i know it's hard to do so after someone treats you like shit.

No. 399660

>he lurks here
If you see this, an hero scrote. Imagine lurking women's spaces on top of being an insufferable reject of the already disabled Y chromosomes species. Order some horse piss since you're at it.

No. 399662

KEK I love you nona

No. 399666

this nona is based. all porn addicted moids should be encouraged to troon out so they have an even higher chance of killing themselves.

No. 399785

>he negs me and implies he’s going to find another girl who dresses the way he likes or jack off to women who do.
if he was such a catch, he would already be able to do so. he probably hasn't done so yet because none will put up with him and his red flags. let that sink in. nona you deserve better.

No. 399918

Should I tell my new partner that I used to be a TIF? I know I don't need to tell everything about my past, but I identified as a TIF for all of my teen years so it's a big part of my history. I have told him I used to be a tomboy, but I didn't tell him that I used to go by a different name and pretended to be a boy. I still sometimes get mail with my old name, I have stuff with my old name and some old pictures of me (mostly at my parents tho) so I'm stressed that he will find those and ask me about it. I'm scared that at some point he might just see something "suspicious" and I will have to explain everything, but I dunno if I should just straight up tell him.

No. 399942

anonettes here who are serial people pleasers? i just realized that there are things i always sucked up in my (three year long) relationship with my nigel that suddenly bother me so much, it's making me lose my sanity. it's not just me giving him everything he wants all the time, but i do tend to swallow my own emotions, feelings, etc. so that he feels happy and content in the relationship. it seriously is making me question rn if i even love him anymore, even though i know he does love. i talked to him about all that, throwing everything that bothers me about him at him at once and how i don't feel like my needs are being met and he rightfully felt really baffled and was mad that i hadn't told him sooner. he feels like he's been the worst bf to me for the past three yrs. im trying to stop myself from doing everything to please everyone around me and i started doing that to him too, and he's been very surprised about my sudden change in demeanor, telling me i'm way ,,colder'' than usual. what the fuck do i doooo, is anyone here a people pleaser as much as i am and knows how to handle relationships? i don't want to let go of him just bc i feel like there's so much that bothers me about him suddenly if there's a way we could work it out together, healthily.

No. 399947

I don't think it really matters since you don't identify as a tif anymore.

No. 399952

As a fellow people pleaser, all I can say from now on, make sure he knows exactly what YOU need and want. If you still continue to feel like he's not for you then that's your sign to break up.
Like the other anon said it doesn't matter.

No. 399961

I'd just tell him tbh. Better to tell him in a controlled conversation than being anxious about the possibility of him finding out for a long time.

No. 399963

No. Men are stupid, don't tell them more than they need to know.

No. 399981

Can a relationship recover fully after a huge blowout argument? Everything was going amazing the last couple months. Honestly we were so in love and so loving towards each other. Then I found out he’d gone behind my back and betrayed my trust (wasn’t cheating or anything but still extremely hurtful) tbh I just lost it. I think the disappointment of finding out he wasn’t really 100% as nice as he pretended to be with me in the beginning it what set me off. I felt duped. I was really really mean to him. Said some pretty nasty shit, short of telling him to kill himself (I wouldn’t say that tbh). He forgave me and apologized for his wrongdoing. I honestly felt awful.
It’s been about a week since. Since then, everything has felt super weird. He acts like he’s walking on eggshells around me now, I’ve noticed and it’s annoying. He’s been spending less time talking to me and he seems almost scared of me at times. Likewise, I’ve also felt kind of distant from him and like the love isn’t really the same anymore.
In hindsight what he did wasn’t that bad, I think I definitely overreacted. But now I’m worried that things will never go back to how they were. The peace and harmony has kind of disappeared, and I noticed we were getting imo or almost getting into smaller petty fights since last week too although I’m trying super hard to hold my tongue and control myself even when he annoys me.

Is it over now? I feel like everything is ruined tbh. I miss that feeling we had in the first few months, and I don’t think we can ever go back to it. I’ve watched my parents and friends marriages and relationships dissolve with resentment over fights and it’s so sad and scary to watch. It seems like when someone says something mean during an argument the whole relationship becomes a tit for tat deal that goes on forever, and the thought of that makes me feel sick.

No. 400177

You two need to continue the conversation. Things are the way they are because there’s been no resolution. Discuss and work the problem together, if you are a couple act like a couple and cooperate to work the problem until it’s not a problem.
Why were you so upset? What hurtful things did you say? Why did you say them? Do you think things are ok now? Can you still trust him? What can you do to communicate better in the future? How can you facilitate mending the rift? What’s changed and how can you both come back stronger from it?
And for him the same questions, why did he lie? Why didn’t he think it was a big deal? What would make him more inclined to tell him? Did he not think you’d want to know? Etc. Don’t berate, just have a conversation with the goal of understanding and moving on together.
Fights happen, we don’t always have good days and we don’t always respond the best we can or do the best we can. Learn from this, whether you do that together or separately is up to the both of you. Whether it happens again is up to the both of you. Only the both of you can decide what this means for the relationship and yourselves.

No. 400228

He's a lost cause, he will just keep lying to you because he knows you'll cave and take him back when he tells you what you want to hear.

>psychological and emotional connection we have with one another is so strong

You feel a "strong bond" because he puts you through emotional rollercoasters and it makes mediocre intimacy feel good. Drop the freak, why stay with someone that makes you feel physically ill? You owe him nothing

No. 400254

I don't know whether I can tolerate the communication style of my boyfriend. We haven't been together for too long and honestly I've never had a rose-tinted glass phase going into this relationship, and yet now I wonder if he was this annoying from the start.
It's a pretty petty problem, but anytime I accidentally use a wrong word, misread something slightly (but still give a completely comprehensible reply), he never just lets it pass. He brings my attention to it and sometimes even fucking starts analyzing my mistake. Like today at the end of a tiring day he asked me to pick an option out of X, Y or Z, and I said the third one, and then gave a pretty lengthy explanation why. Then he starts going, AKSHUALLY, it's only 2 options, I just misread the "or" as being two options, while truly they are just two variations of Y, yadda yadda, and I'm sitting there like "My answer was pretty clear, why the fuck does this matter". When he's unsure of something, like a name of a place we saw, I'll tell him and then he'll instantly whip out his phone, look it up and shove the phone under my nose saying "You were right, look!" with a Wikipedia article or something, and I'm like, yes, I know the name of this place I just told you about.
I'm not saying I'm always right or I get everything correctly, but I'm pretty sure you can take note of these things in a more respectable way. I don't jump up to correct him whenever he slightly misremembers things or even when he's factually incorrect if it has zero consequences, because I have, what I consider, a respectful and good nature. I have no idea if this is the retarded idea men have of communcation with other humans, he was raised by retards or he's actually trying to make me feel less confident. Because honestly I get so frustrated at the nitpicking I could cry, but then I start to feel like a child.

No. 400256

Nonnie your bf sounds autistic as fuck, he probably doesn't realize he's being this fucking annoying. I would honestly tell him he's being annoying when he does this and see if it improves. If not, disengage.

No. 400258

I am feeling extremely hurt after the guy I am seeing pulled away yesterday for seemingly no good reason after a very close and intimate date the night before in which we got somewhat physical (no sex). It seemed he was avoiding me yesterday and then finally he texted me late at night to tell me that something I did on the date bothered him and that he was pondering that today but still really liked me and wanted to be together. We talked about it and everything is fine now and he's being soft and sweet again. However, I am sad that he would a) take me back to his car to make out and stare deeply into my eyes when he was having these thoughts in the back of his mind, and then b) fade away from me like that even for a day after being so physically intimate with me. I feel as though I can't be vulnerable with him again now, but I am not sure if this is just normal moid behavior at the beginning of a relationship and something I will get over, or a major red flag and a sign that I should disengage from him. We have been dating for about a month.

No. 400272

What bothered him?
It isn't moid-specific, for what it's worth. I've done similar second-guesses and pull-aways and it's because I have trouble with avoidance. Intimacy scares some people but if he's back he's probably trying his best.
But it's up to you if he's worth tackling it with together. It can be pain in the ass.

No. 400275

Disengage. Hot/cold behavior is extremely annoying and disrespectful and a waste of your time. Not only could he not get his feelings straight but he then made it your problem and hurt you in the process. This will happen again and again. If you don't enjoy this dynamic, disengage.

No. 400286

Point a is theain reason you should drop him. Its one thing for him to pull back but if he's actively engaging with you whilst feeling upset at you its deceiving.

No. 400288

ask yourself ‘would he treat stacy like this’?
you know the answer. you deserve better than a moid who pushes you away and pulls you in when he feels like it. he’s probably a narcissist.

No. 400289

He's probably butthurt he didn't get to have sex and he made up some other reason to be mad at her. Definitely some kind of mind games going on. He could even be negging her in a way, playing hot and cold to see if she puts up with it or trying to throw her off kilter emotionally to get in her pants.

No. 400291

Holy fuck I don’t know how you could put up with that kek, that sounds incredibly annoying.

No. 400293

NPD. run.

No. 400303

This nona is right
>upset at something you did while on the date
What the fuck can you do during a make out date in the backseat that would hurt a moids feelings kek. Did you take a shit in his lap? I doubt it. Hell even then, many guys would pay for that. He sounds like a fragile little spoiled narc who thinks he can pick people up and drop them when he wants.. ghosting after a date then coming back when he feels like it is rude as hell too. Dump his ass.

No. 400343

I'm kind of upset with my new boyfriend. Last weekend I planned a date for us ( told him exactly what to bring where to be etc) and told him that it is his turn this weekend. On wednesday he called me (this is another thing that bothers me he calls me on 10 pm every day when I am already sleeping because I have to get up at 5 every morning), asking when I'm free this weekend so I said I only have something planned for saturday morning. He then sounded kind of upset so I thought ok I'll see if I can do it on fridays. Yesterday he called me again when I was already asleep and told me about his weekend plans. He told me that he has already something planned on saturday morning and has a sports event all day on sunday but how about we hang out on saturday evening or friday evening and how about we go and see a movie but there is nothing really interesting to see. I got really upset by all of this so I said that I already replanned my shit I had to do on saturday and put it on friday evening since he sounded upset about it and that I will now meet up with a friend on saturday if he doesn't have anything planned with me (I got pissed at this point). He then just calmly said ok so it'll be a spontaneous thing and that he graciously freed up friday and saturday evening for me. I'm just pissed and disappointed and don't really want to meet up anymore and I don't know what went wrong and how to fix this situation please help me.

No. 400355

It just sounds like you two are incompatible. You go to bed at 10PM and he knows that, but still calls you to wake you up. That's pretty disrespectful of him to do, and it seems like he doesn't respect your time. If something as small as planning a date can cause so much stress for the both of you, it doesn't seem like a viable relationship. It's a new boyfriend, so I think you should just end it now before it gets worse.

No. 400367

File: 1716549273757.gif (1.14 MB, 250x250, c5f.gif)

>What the fuck can you do during a make out date in the backseat that would hurt a moids feelings kek. Did you take a shit in his lap?
This gave me a chuckle. Nona should be cautious about guys like this unless she actively wants a tumultuous hot/Cole relationship.

No. 400384

Your communicate is shit or he doesn’t give a shit. Why is he calling you at 10pm when you’re in bed? Have you told him you’re typically asleep at that time and he needs to call you earlier? Can he not call you earlier because he works or something? Does he understand the purpose of planning a date? Maybe he doesn’t realize how important it is to you? Did he seem to like that you planned the previous date? Unless you want to train him, maybe you should consider finding someone more naturally compatible?

No. 400427

Nonnas in long term relationships that started semi-long distance, how were the first couple of months with your Nigel? How was the communication? What's something you did to keep yourself occupied during periods when you wanted to, but couldn't see each other? Did you ever have doubts it would work out? Did you ever discuss when you were committed and how long into dating did the discussion happen? Communication on the topic of making things more serious time frames?
I'm in the very early stages and I just want to have reassurance and have more hope things will be okay for the long term. Things are good now, I just find myself having moments of anxiety, I have a habit of trying to calm this storm in my head and forgetting all the positives. (It's not just with him, I've accidentally done this with a few of my friends)

No. 400435

File: 1716572678889.png (189.23 KB, 755x519, 16zda1j4.png)

I just went on my second date with a guy, and we've really been hitting it off. We spent almost 6 hours together today, and are planning to meet again on Sunday. He said he'd like to see me tomorrow if I wasn't busy, so he definitely likes me.
But he won't fucking touch me. I honestly questioned whether I was friendzoned or not until he said he wants to take me out for dinner one of these days. The compliments he gave me today were praising my intelligence and personality, which, I mean, I appreciate a lot more than shallow ones about my looks. But still.
The few times we touched other than hug to say hello and goodbye, it was mostly because I initiated it a few awkward times. Like touching his arm, or grabbing his hand to look at something about it, or giving him a good ol' bicep squeeze as a joke. Other than that, he put his hand on my shoulder for a second, and didn't pull away when we sat close together. That's it. Our fingers even brushed together a few times while walking, perfect opportunities for him to take my hand, but he didn't.
I get the feeling he's shy about this stuff, but I'm already trying my best to get over this barrier between us. Touching people out of the blue doesn't come naturally to me, so it's difficult for me initiate anything.
What should I do nonas? Gather all my courage and take his hand or hold on to his arm while walking? Wait for him to make a move? Talk to him about it, either to ask whether I'm allowed to touch him or say he can touch me?
Or is it too early to expect to be a little more touchy-feely? I always thought by the second date there should be more physical contact.
My previous relationships moved incredibly quickly, which is why I'm so lost on what to do. I'd suggest going to a bar to get some liquid courage into us, but he doesn't drink.
>inb4 "he's gay"
No he's not kek, I've noticed him glancing at my body in that way men do when they check you out.

No. 400440

Literally no man gives a shit about your personality or intelligence. If he's complimenting your personality and intelligence, he knows that you want to hear compliments about your personality and intelligence, and is saying that to make you like him. I'd rather have some guy be direct and say what he wants, and if his wants coincide with mine, good, if not, we're not meant for each other. I swear guys who are "sensitive" and "nice" whatever are the worst manipulative dishonest fucks.

No. 400450

Not to whiteknight a moid I've only met twice, but how does that make sense kek? My problem is literally that he won't make a move, and I'd gladly have put out tonight if he had initiated anything. I even gave him some ins to give me compliments about my looks, but he didn't. If he wanted to hit it or manipulate me, he could have achieved that without spending 6 hours talking to me.
Maybe he turns out to be a retard in other ways, but I don't see your logic here. If anything, it's more likely I'm actually just friendzoned for whatever reason.

No. 400451

Most self-aware men know being too forward is off-putting

No. 400491

It seems early on in the relationship like you said, you've only been on two dates so far, so you're both trying to gauge each other's comfort level. If he also doesn't drink then that may be an indication that he is overall kinda more "prudent" and doesn't like to let loose. Give it time and see how he treats you and expresses affection in other ways.

No. 400537

Most LDRs fail because one or both people are keeping secrets from the other, extreme introversion that leads to a lack of action and spontaneity and therefore prevents meeting, general mentally instability or illness that leads to ghosting, boredom, disappearing for days, paranoia, arguing too much etc or cheating, and lack of funds/lack of employment.

As long as you don’t have these factors working against you in your relationship. It actually has a high chance of working out.

No. 400538

I dated one for a year and I honestly think he may have taken 10 years off my lifespan. It was the most stressful, depressing, frustrating, rage inducing time of my life and the only time I genuinely contemplated suicide. My biggest regret is how nice and accommodating towards him while he was secretly cheating on me, and talking to multiple other girls while gaslighting and negging me. I’ve heard the vast majority of ADHD moids cheat and that’s definitely my experience too. If I could go back in time, I’d bash his brains in, he really deserved it.

I’m not saying all ADHD men are demons who will suck the life force out of you and leave you as a husk of a person. But from my experience and from the other women I’ve talked to, it was absolutely awful and I wish I could get my time back. I actually have an ADHD casual guy friend and we get along great, but I would never enter a sexual or romantic relationship with one ever again. Even when they have somewhat salvageable traits they are pretty much just guaranteed to ruin your life if you let them get too close to you. All they know how to do is fuckup, and a lot of them are bordering on literally retarded.

No. 400539

This isn’t exactly true, a lot of men really do appreciate a woman with a good personality, or are genuinely attracted to smart and intelligent women.

But you have to be at a baseline attractiveness for him to be interested in you anyway, so it’s still somewhat meaningless. When men say they love smart women they mean the cute petite Asian girl who’s a MENSA member and works in STEM, or the hot blonde big booby physics girl. Not the ugly dumpy woman with a 180IQ.

No. 400540

A lot of guys are scared to touch women too soon nowadays in case they get into legal hot water. Especially the ‘good ones’ who are raised well to be respectful. I wouldn’t write him off yet. He sounds pretty cute.

No. 400541

Really just go for it if you want to hold his hand/kiss/etc. Or ask bluntly.
No idea why people choose to struggle instead of being straightforward and communicating their needs. It would save you tons of time.
>inb4 it scares moids away
Why would you want one scared away by that? That means he's lame and insecure.
>inb4 women shouldn't ever have to make moves
Unless you only desire a relationship like this, this is silly.

No. 400545

This nona is correct. ADHD people have too many dopamine transporters, coupled with a lack of dopamine. Dopamine is obviously the feelgood hormone. A lack of it makes you feel bad. This means they’re pretty much constantly stressed, depressed, grouchy, aggressive, agitated and bored in their natural state.
They will do anything to get that quick dopamine fix that temporarily makes them feel okay. The quickest and most intense dopamine fixes are generally unhealthy things like watching porn, tiktok, binge eating, online gambling etc.
But of course because they have too many dopamine transporter constantly whisking all that dopamine away and disposing it, another bad mood soon follows and he needs another ‘fix’. And the only other solution are meds which are basically just meth and do god knows what damage to the brain long term. They will also hyperfixate on things, and that can again be very unhealthy things like binge watching porn or getting into a gambling frenzy and spending all their money. In a way they are like junkies constantly looking for the next hit. And since their brains are like children and they need constantly novelty, you’ll never be able to provide that dopamine hit long term, which often leads to them cheating. They have an extremely high divorce rate for this reason I believe 66%. Overall, dating such a man is a low reward and high risk investment. ADHD men have pretty much all the worst traits of men that already exist, but on steroids.

No. 400546

Men, unlike women, are not interested in dating up. They hate women that are smarter than them and feel small. It's as simple as that. They like smart women as long as the woman is not actually smarter than them.

No. 400552

No, if she is attractive then men really don't care. She can be smarter, taller, stronger, older and wealthier and men will still simp provided they think she's hot. It's actually a pretty common male fantasy

No. 400556

File: 1716598076968.jpeg (202.1 KB, 1060x774, Form4rAX0AIq4oN.jpeg)

You know that's is not true,

>. Based on a sample of 3600 Tinder profile evaluations, we found that education level matters only substantially when female Tinder users evaluate male Tinder profiles, and not vice versa. This finding is in line with previous literature from multiple fields that found that women have a higher preference for a highly educated partner who in turn has a higher earnings potential. Additionally, in contrast to earlier studies from the field of economics we found no evidence that men are intimidated by highly educated – and therefore potentially high-earning – women. This may have important, positive consequences for women on the labour market, who have been shown in the past to shy away from behaviour that may improve their careers in order to avoid signalling undesirable traits on the dating market, such as ambition.


Men are social climbers but i'm talking about dating kek.

No. 400557

Incels are socially and emotionally stunted men who happen to be a loud minority, the reason they pick on women is to deshumanize them because they have little to no experience with women to begin with and they'd rather think it's women's fault. Therefore they create personnal idols through media consumption as a way to cope, and when women can't meet those standards they lash out. Their entitlement is born of the idea they've built in their heads, that women owe them sex because they don't view women as humans anymore. Only their ideal female archetype is the actual worthy woman. This is self sabotage and copium from social dejects and is not a good example.

No. 400559

LOL. Not true at all nona, sorry but you’re dead wrong. Men are the biggest social climbers, status seekers and users by far.
Hypergamy is an extremely male trait that men try to blame on women, it’s pure projection on their part.
All men are genetically programmed to compete with other men for ‘trophies’ and women who are way above them, men will ALWAYS pick the option of pursuing and simping for a woman who is wayyyyy out of their league, than dating a plain jane or average woman within their league. They always want the fanciest biggest cake in the shop, even if their greedy little mitts can’t afford it, and will sulk and refuse to settle for less if they can’t get it.
Men literally can’t love women that they see as one their level or below it: they actually despise such women because it makes him feel low status too.
It’s why we have so many ‘in’cels now: they’re all just 2-6/10 guys who want 11/10 women and would rather have a parasocial relationship with a hot onlyfans whore than actually touch a woman that is their looksmatch. It’s not just looks either: men love using women for money, status, to ‘dab’ on other guys etc.
When a woman get hyped up by a board like /pol/ or a site like reddit or something, that increases her status exponentially because men love women that are desired by other men, and these scrotes would literally kill each other for a chance to lick her pussy. Look how many men would line up to wife Belle Delphine despite her being a messy BPD whore.
It’s also why pickmes never prosper, because turns out acting like a doormat who is beneath a man gives him the biggest ick. Men are only nice to women they view as out of their league. As soon as you show a man you’re on his equal or below, he instantly loses all respect for you and treats you like dirt. Maybe because men subconsciously know they are trash themselves? Possibly. Just look at the way men treat their ‘submissive’ loyal wives of 20 years vs how they treat a random 18 year old OF girl with huge tits.

There do exist extremely insecure men who purposely target women who are very low status as a form of control (impoverished mail order brides, morbidly obese women etc), but those men will never ever love or respect those women and will secretly resent them and hate their guts the entire time.

No. 400560

Read my answers instead of reposting after correcting yourself. Men like to date "young women" for a reason. They like naivety. They perceive themselves as the dominant one and refuse to be outshined by what they fuck. Just because you have some delusionals fucks doesnt mean shit, because delusionals fucks are delusional about their own worth. They think they're better than the women they date.

No. 400561

Literally no man would object to a hot STEM girl who earns six figures a year. Problem is those women are unicorns so most men would rather trap a pretty waitress into being financially dependent on him.

No. 400562

Stop talking about fictional situations and use datas. You bore me.

No. 400563

No it’s not that deep nona, men prefer younger women because most mens beauty standards are verging on pedophilia. It’s no coincidence the women who end up being seen as most beautiful by men often look like literal children or have extremely neotenous faces like BD and countless other e-whores, whereas women tend to appreciate more masculine or mature looking beauties like Monica Bellucci. The naivety is just a plus, but most young women nowadays are well aware of their value and know they don’t owe old fucks anything.

Again it’s not that deep. There’s no need for armchair psychology here. Incels are coomers who want women who are absolutely out of their league. Men want to COOM in the hottest woman they can possibly find.

Well maybe he dumped you bot because you’re educated but bc you’re just a grouchy obnoxious asshole nona. Idk.

No. 400565

Ok more data

>However, in the second round, men were given an intelligence test and then told that they were about to meet a woman who had bested them on the same exam. Ah, yes. The mythic smart, successful, beautiful woman every guy supposedly wanted.

In the study, the men didn’t go after this awesome woman, according to lead researcher Lora Park, a professor in psychology at University at Buffalo. “When the woman was psychologically near — a real-life face-to-face interaction — men moved their chair further away from the woman, as an indicator of less interest in her, and reported less romantic attraction toward the woman when she outperformed versus underperformed him on a test,” she tells me.


You do realize that attractiveness and intelligence are not the same thing that? You're conflating two things that are not the same.

No. 400566

Says the women who starts disagreeing with "LOL you're dead wrong" passive agressivity is met with the same tone and suddenly you dislike it.

No. 400572

this study is wrong

No. 400574

Don't date down nonnies, this is our birth given right to want better, to seek the best potiental partner.

No. 400575

Fuck i deleted my answer, but tldr;


>Dating is a complex process where people are trying to optimize their dating prospects, it's not just attractiveness or intelligence, one can mitigate another

>Women refuse to date down
>Men date less their equally educated counterparts
>Men are social climbers they just don't necessarily do it by marrying into it/dating
>Men are deluded about their own perceived intelligence because of misogyny
>Men will fuck anything never forget that

No. 400577

Stop derailing ffs.

No. 400578

So basically: women select for men who are higher IQ, have good jobs and would make good long term investment and will actually make good father/husband material.

Men are shallow pieces of shit who will just take whatever girl is more physically attractive and do not care about long term investment or personality in a woman.
Yes, men are shallow solipsistic pieces of garbage who only think in the moment, water is wet.

No. 400579

Yep, sorry but apparently the other nona didnt have such common sense.

No. 400580

There’s no need to apply psychology to men. Trust me, scrotes aren’t that deep. There is no complex thought process behind their decision making and preferences.
>ooga booga young woman with big booba and ass twerking, muh dik hard now, me wanna breed her and create more mini mes then grug move onto the next girl
That’s literally all there is to it. Men are essentially chimps, their only purpose in life is cooming and replicating like a virus. They don’t think in terms of long term planning or consequences.

No. 400583

There's evidence that shows men find smarter women castrating.

No. 400590

Last samefag, but i should've been clearer when i said "dating up" i meant IQ/education wise not attractiveness (and by that i meant physical beauty).And i will stop derailing sorry!

Drop him

No. 400629

I wish but hot people are not attracted to me.

No. 400651

If he's not pulling away when you do it, he's likely waiting for your full initiation. If you really want something, do not be afraid to ask, I asked my guy on the first date if we could hold hands, because I really wanted to and he mentioned he was holding himself back from using hand gestures while talking and he was gripping the table we were sitting at.

No. 400655

File: 1716637045300.jpg (27.2 KB, 427x577, 1610091474858.jpg)

I've about mcfucking had it, I'm just gonna lay it out since I've never been in this position until tonight - characters are moid A and moid B. Rant, really, but what is happening?

Moids A, B, and myself have all been mutual friends for a long time (yeah it's another one of those). Since covid we've made it a point to get together as often as we can with a pretty mixed group of friends/family whenever people are available. It's been great and a lot of us have moved on from mental bullshit purely from having a reason to go outside and eat together. Moid A has been around, but recently pushed to "get to know me better" - which ended up meaning trying for a relationship - but is absolutely the stereotypical "nice guy" that I didn't want to get any further with. Not into him, not a fan of his personality, A's very much an incel and comically insecure. I feel a little bad since he's the runt of us despite coming across as personable, and hasn't really found footing in life recently. We have tried to help but now the parties and outings are starting to look like we're enabling him.

Moid B is pretty much A's polar opposite. He's been around about as long, but more sporadic since he has his bros outside of us, and I've hung out with him alone a lot more than moid A knew about over 2ish years. Recently, B helped me get a new job at the company he's at, which neither of us knew was going to be on his shift (I choose to believe he genuinely tried to get me the shift I wanted instead of his, but who knows). Sparing the corpo autism, it's cozy, solid job for me right now, and I really don't know how to repay him. Even without the job, we're a lot closer despite hanging out less, since B's just… more fun to be around, and hasn't tried any weird shit. Being coworkers is a blast since we're the only ones in the office, the shift time ended up fitting us both, we're kinda family to each other. If I'm honest, I hope it ends with dating properly since he's been lovely, and there's some mutual, slow burn pursuit there. Having more time together has only been a positive. SURPRISE - A has hated this entire aspect for the last month+ since he's been unemployed, isn't interested in finishing his education, kinda does nothing in general and isn't proactive. He likes things handed to him, so he self-inserted into the whole job deal, and was told directly by B that he wouldn't get it, so just focus on finishing a degree and finding an interest in the first place. To me, that was a reasonably well-handled and honest conversation that happened about a month ago.

Skip to tonight, fun party, moid B showed up buzzed with his buddy (never ends well, we know this, he knows this). We were shooting the shit about work for quite a while, which made A seethe the more we talked. B then kinda retardedly was describing an unrelated, overqualified coworker who isn't proactive at all, blames everyone else for shit. He couldn't find the words, and then just blurts out "OH, he's like A." He immediately knew that was dumb, apologized profusely, but A blew up twice and has been throwing a fit the entire night. As in, me sat in between them while A is yelling at B declaring that he's offended, then dealing with the fallout via text hours after we left. A snapped back at us when we offered to help clean up, saying tomorrow is some "big day for [company] people," (all fucking 2 of us) then demanded I uninvite B to said group lunch tomorrow to spite him. A's new fucking angle is insisting that I only got hired because B wants to fuck, and that somehow B is harassing me at work. I'll be honest, even if the whole job thing was a secret plan to bang once, I'd only be impressed at the unnecessary, herculean effort on B's part.

I essentially put my foot down, told A to let the retarded comment go, I'm not going to scold B on A's behalf. Told him to take it to B again directly, since yes I agree he has the random bluntness autism, but he isn't heartless by any means. No response on that but I guess I'll see tomorrow, kek. This could easily fuck over group dynamics but the only person who hinges a lot on that is A himself.

Why the fuck do they act like this? Should I stick with the fuck off response since this would be short notice to just uninvite people? This is cringe.

No. 400657

>She hangs out with two scrotes who happens to be friends
> work with them
>one is annoying and not sexy
>the other is the opposite
>she wants to fuck the other one
>an argument emerge between the two scrotes
>she does not want to pick a side

>should she stick by the one she wants to fuck

the answer is yes

No. 400659

>Why the fuck do they act like this?
>This could easily fuck over group dynamics
I think there's a good chance A WANTED this to happen because he's dissatisfied with the current status quo. He's into you, you're clearly not into him but into B… When B made that comment, he saw a chance to either convince you to take his side and/or have a reason to get out of your little clique and took it.

>Should I stick with the fuck off response

Yes, don't get involved in his game.

No. 400730

File: 1716649153510.png (34.78 KB, 256x256, 1000038168.png)

Nonas how do you cope with knowing that your nigel would still be with his ex if she didn't cheat on him?
We have been together for 1.5 years now and I'm very satisfied in the relationship. His ex (who he was with for 5 years) cheated and he recently told me how much this shook him and how he wouldn't have ended the relationship himself.
His ex is still in his vague friend circle and this doesn't help either. I know there is nothing there any more but how do I stop feeling so jealous?

No. 400828

The fact he wouldn't have broken up with her back then is in itself meaningless because he didn't get to experience being in a relationship with you yet, so there's no comparison with you and it says nothing about how he values you and your relationship.

It's more important that he, knowing what he knows today and has experienced so far, feels you're the better fit in his life than she was.

No. 400852

Sounds like one scrote is trying to sabotage a possible relationship. No idea why you waste your time being friends with a loser incel.

No. 400853

There's no coping, only accepting the vague possibility that something might happen between them again, but hasn't.

No. 400949

Nonas, I know that I am most likely the problem in this situation so bear with me. My boyfriend is very lovely and sweet but I can't take the frequency with which he compliments and showers affection onto me. We're both autistic, and he's kind of acting the way I do when I get hyperfixated on a fictional husbando or something like that. I'm a lot more reserved with my affections because I know what it's like to feel easily-caged, so it's safer to obsess over someone who isn't even real. I haven't had a relationship before him, but in past friendships things would always move quite quickly and it would become this pattern where they'd put me on a pedestal and become very clingy, and I could never understand why. Maybe that would be flattering to some, but it was always so excessive and intense. It just makes me feel suffocated. It would be one thing if he had always been like this, but before we became official he was quite restrained and cerebral (which I find really attractive). Now that we're actually in a relationship it's like the majority of our conversations are just him repeating his compliments to me. There's nothing wrong with being affectionate or sappy, but I just wish I didn't have to get so easily threatened and uncomfortable by it. I've expressed to him that while I appreciate it, this sort of thing can become very overwhelming for me, but of course that's probably not a nice thing for him to hear… and I don't want that to ruin things. Do you have any advice for how I can go about this better or just get used to it so he doesn't have to censor himself?

No. 400958

Seems like A's true personality is coming to light and his nice guy facade is falling apart. You mention he isn't proactive so while you and B progress in life in general, A is not going to change for the better. B seems to have a better prospective in life. I'd say take a chance with him since you already know him as a good friend. It's okay to side with B, I know you don't want to hurt A's feelings but that's part of his manipulative behavior and he intentionally makes things this way. If you and B do get together, don't think of it as "A was right", A is just observant and knows how to get under people's skin. He has too much time on his hand to focus on this like that, of course he wants his hand held the entirety of his life.

No. 400968

Why are you friends with an incel?

No. 400981

It sounds like you have the ick because he’s being too nice to you. You’re probably not that attracted to him either.

No. 400987

I cannot stand my boyfriend's family. He and I are of such different cultures and upbringings that while I hesitate to call any of his family bad people, I find them rude, vulgar, and difficult to be around. Even though my boyfriend has very little in common with them and he lives hours away, he is still close with his family so there is no getting rid of them. Meanwhile, I would not want any of these people in my life if I could help it. Many of them struggle with money, and his mother in particular expected my boyfriend to help struggling family members out financially as soon as he got his first "nice" career position. His parents also made such a mess of the family's finances and insurance policies that he is still undoing the damage, at nearly thirty years old. To me, almost everyone in that family is bad news. I feel extremely uncomfortable with the prospect of being legally and socially responsible for them if they were to become my in-laws. The relationship is wonderful aside from that, so I don't exactly want to break up with my boyfriend because of his family. On the other hand, if I have to go to another one of their nightmarish gatherings I think I may end up on the news, so I am not sure what to do.

No. 400988

You sound like you're going to die alone. Give actual advice or sod off.

No. 400992

File: 1716730938659.jpg (3.72 KB, 215x235, cathelp.jpg)

Please give advice, older sisters of lc
>be me
>still finishing a course that will get me into uni, changed my mind a fair bit
>finally happy to move back home, happy to have my family around me, not lonely, feel safe, love my mother, aunties, sisters
>meet guy, i have known him since last march
>he is my best friend and is genuinely a lovely person, weird in the same ways as me, but he's from other country in europe
>asks if we could get married
>now wants me to live with him and study in his country, which would mean another year before starting uni
Now im faced with two decisions
>stay studying near my family, living with them where im happy and supported (but there's less opportunity and public transport)
>move in with fiance and learn new language, start uni a year later, in a safer, more fruitful city, although i'd miss my family and be an outsider, plus, it's a lot more difficult to do all the legal stuff and meet uni requirements as a foreigner
I feel like either way im going to let somebody down. im so upset. my mother really doesn't want me to leave. and working, school, language, immigration stuff…man it's all burning me out.

No. 400993

Say no??? you barely know him nonna don't be fucking stupid someone who loves you would fucking wait and let you have a degree that'd help you have economical independance. DO NOT SAY YES. I REPEAT DO NOT SAY YES.

No. 400995

I guess it's like this. We've spent extended periods of time together irl, he's met my family, we've gone on big trips together, and stayed at each other's houses.
whilst with him, i would intend to use my visa to work part time and get a little economic independence. worse comes to worse, i could go back home, i think.
the part that makes me concerned is that i know he actually cares, and has been there in my lowest, grossest, most vomity moments, and is very considerate. he would often cry when we say goodbye, and said that he would not be ok if we didn't end up together. and to be honest, i've never had such a connection as this, where i can be my weirdest and most feral self.
i think this could last at least until i have a degree, just in case, because i also believe women should have options at all times.
i don't know how things will be if we spend another year apart. i could ask him to try to find a job here, although my town is kind of rundown, unsafe, poorly connected. in his city, he has an actual apartment, and there's opportunity there. but my heart hurts to think of leaving. thanks for reading my problems

No. 400998

You're just 20, don't get married to a guy you barely know ffs.

No. 400999

how old would i have to be to get married? many girls my age are getting married and engaged. i feel like 20 is a proper adult age anyway, i really know who i am, but my mother says you don't know who you are until about 26 years old. i would say i know him quite well, it's been a year and 3 months with much time irl together. also i feel like i should get married because i did some intimate stuff for the first time, whilst leaving a little stuff out, and i have a nagging feeling that im not supposed to do that before marriage. sorry if that's offensive. i think women should be happy and that's all, i just feel i have to live up to some standards that live rent free in my head, religiously.

No. 401003

I was talking with my dad the other day about life and we were talking about how I bailed on marriage and a house with a terrible moid and my dad said he regretted getting engaged at 19 and married young and wish he was more like me. Really consider it anon, you're most likely going to change and grow in these next few years. If you really think you can gain benefits from this union heavily consider what your options for escape are if its not what you want. Can you delay marriage but still continue the relationship, I mean if you envision forever what's the rush

No. 401005

Why are you marrying a guy who doesn't understand the situation he's putting you in? If he actually cared for you and understood you, he would take in the account how much he's asking you to give up and at least try to meet you halfway somehow. Is this really the person you want to marry? You'll have so many moments in your life like this one, moments you'll have to make tough decisions with no clear answer. How is the partner you are choosing to be with dealing with this? Think about it. Life will hit both of you with the most unpredictable shit possible. How are you and him handling this situation, and how do you think you'll handle even worse shit in the future? The fact that you're worried about being one year apart would end your relationship shows how fickle it is. This is the type of stuff you and him should figure out together, and both should take decisions aiming for the future if marriage is actually your goal. You are giving up way too much, your family, your country, your education, to be with one person. The fact you brought this issue here worries me. You should feel comfortable talking about this with him. Relationships usually end when the couple can't deal with the bad situations together. Yeah, I get it that the good is great, that you love that, but how is he handling this hard decision? It feels like he's putting it all on you. I do think 20s is too young to marry, sorry. You both will change and that doesn't mean you won't still like each other, but if by any chance you don't like him anymore, can you live with the decision that you isolated yourself from your family and friends and delayed your education for it?

No. 401006

You don't need to get married asap, just enjoy the relationship as it is and see how it goes.

No. 401007

The fact you're seriously considering marrying a guy you've met less than 3 months ago proves how immature and inexperienced you are and how much you've still got to learn. Take it from an anon who's in her late twenties, you'll learn, change and develop so much as a person in the coming years while finishing school and getting your first taste of real adulthood. Don't commit to a guy when you're this inexperienced and naive about yourself, what you want and need in life and a life partner and generally about how the world works. Listen to your mom (she's right, your brain doesn't stop developing before 25).

Aside from the fact that you're too young and still have a lot to learn about yourself, A FOREIGN guy wanting to marry you WITHIN THREE MONTHS OF MEETING YOU is EXTREMELY SUSPICIOUS. This should've set the alarm bells off in your mind and the fact that it didn't is more proof you are far from ready to commit to marriage.

No. 401010

>how old would i have to be to get married?
When you've finished school, have a few years of working and general adult life experience under your belt, are financially independent and both you and your partner have experienced living on your own (not with parents or a partner) for a few years.

No. 401011

I stayed with a guy 3 years long distance without even planning to get engaged nonna, this isnt as hard as you think it is. Real love knows no bound, especially mariage worthy-love.

No. 401013

im proud of you for saying no. it's definitely one of the hardest things you can do.
i don't think he's a terrible moid at all. i genuinely feel so cared for and considered, in a way that's so rare to encounter from genz men these days. i cherish him.
that being said, i think you're right about options for escape. which is why i plan to find some income whilst there, since i don't have to worry too much about rent, and having an education behind me. i don't intent to stay in his country forever. also, marriage would help for legal reasons.
i think he does understand how much of a sacrifice it is. so he promised to cook nice meals and clean with me. if im ever uncomfortable at an event, he just says 'ok we're off' and genuinely puts me first. and said that he is ok with moving nearer my family, but waiting for us both to be done with school is the option we're thinking of, because he's already studying there, and education is much cheaper where he is, and i can feel safer in his city than mine. as long as he (and i will double check) is ok with spending time in my home country, im ok with this.
1 year and 3 months. 3 months would be a little bananas, haha. i think one of the biggest reasons is that i have been intimate with him, and a nagging part of me feels that it's a waste if i don't marry the person i did that with, for the first time. although im a feminist, we grew up with religion.
i think you're right. although i feel so much pressure to do things by a certain age, whilst im still 'young', im also scared i won't meet someone who i mesh so well with again.
there's definitely so much i have to learn about the world. i think i am being extreme. the thing is, what else would i do? i don't want to never speak to my best friend again. maybe we can still meet up and stuff. all of this is hard, the money drain, the visiting, the time is takes. but one thing is for sure, im a little unsure about committing so early
that is impressive. i feel like ldr is such a time and money drain, but a test of true love too

No. 401014

I think I'm going to break up with my new boyfriend. Yesterday I went to his place for the first time. We planned to cook together and have a nice romantic evening. Sadly it completely went to shit. When I asked were certain utensils were located, he became frustrated and treated me as if I asked the dumbest question ever. As the evening progressed I got really angry and quiet since I was the only one doing the cooking while he was preparing some sort of stuff he eats during the week? Like why can't you do this when I'm gone? So I am just going to do this myself or what? It got to a point were I was so shut down since I was ruminating in my own head how to address this situation. I made it through the meal without further complications until we talked about the gym. I wanted to try and connect and told him about my new gym and what exercises I am currently doing. He just took this as an invitation to patronize me and tell me that everything I do is wrong and that I need to do x and y. Afterwards we wanted to watch a movie. When I looked over I saw that he was secretly watching a soccer match on his phone. I called him out two times and told him that his behavior was disrespectful. He just asked in a really cold voice in what ways or some shit as if it wasn't obvious? I then told him that I was leaving and he just said that I shouldn't leave anything behind like my contacts or earrings and that he needs to reflect on the situation and that I would still be a valuable person even if he decides against me or some shit. I had enough of this bullshit and just left. What a night.

No. 401015

Oof the "secretly watching soccer" took me out, i'm not the kind to say "dump him gurlll" but this is just straight disrespect and having no interest whatsoever to bond with you, he's only pretending and he's bad at that. And the rest?? Why are you even considering breaking up with him dump HIIIIMMM the "considering against you" means he doesnt even think you're his girlfriend YET.

No. 401018

you know it's bad when he would probably even treat a random friend better than this

No. 401020

You are literally already broken up, those words he said were break up words. Do not wait like a clown to see what conclusion he came to after he "decides" about you or whatever bullshit. Go completely no-contact / ghost him, don't even call him. Sorry he wasted your time.

No. 401023

Cooking and cleaning are just daily mundane things we'll all do regardless if we're married or not, I don't personally would see that as perks and bailing out events when you're uncomfortable is the bare minimum. You should at least try to live with him before getting married to get a feel of how it is. The best bet you got is to open up with him about everything. If you don't feel comfortable talking about what you talked here with him, that's a bad sign. Most anons and your mom are telling you the same thing because we all been through our 20s, we do change. It's not impossible you both will like each other through the changes, but it's concerning you're betting so much on that chance. Make a choice considering things can get wrong, if you can deal with that outcome then fine, but be responsible with yourself above anything else. You can't break up with yourself, so if you do yourself dirty, you'll be stuck with this no matter what, think really hard on what's important to you.

No. 401027

You don't need to get married. It sounds like you only want to get married because you fooled around sexually and you have FOMO / fear of missing out (and to make it easier for you to move to his country which is a whole separate thing you shouldn't do). Those are bad reasons to get married.
If you want to go to his country for school and opportunities and self development, then by all means do it. But don't marry this guy. He is not meeting you halfway. I'm sure you really like each other but from everything you said he's offering a 50/50 responsibilities split with you once you get there which is actually really unfair because you're at a huge disadvantage from the start and he's already asked you to do way too much.

No. 401029

He sounds like he's not into you anymore, the soccer thing was dumb, specially when he agreed to watch the movie. I think he already broke up with you the moment he asked you to not leave your things behind. They tend to do this so they'll hold you as a contact for sex, but he clearly doesn't want you around. I'm sorry, he sounds like a dick. Block his stupid ass.

No. 401035

Block him, never talk to him again

No. 401172

no offense, but that's still not a guarantee that he will remain a good man. there are so many gone-wrong stories from anons here (multiple from just the last 2 threads), the news, reddit, and so on of women who've been with their partner for 5+ years and after thinking they really know their man, they get married, and the moment they move in together or the baby comes in, the man reveals his true colors and starts acting like a manchild. when the wife loses her figure or pays more attention to the herself or the child, man cheats and treats her horribly and other things.

No. 401340

I wrote a little break up message about his disappointing behavior and that I want to end things and he texted back "Okay, that's too bad. I wish you good luck." I deleted and blocked him. Now I am mad that I wasted my time and don't know what to do with all of my feelings. There is this gaping hole in my chest.

No. 401341

In a few weeks you're going to be happy the trash took itself out. Eat icecream and watch a movie, vent to a friend, write a letter and burn it. Do not contact him again. Do not let him back into your life.

No. 401355

Is there any point in entering a relationship if it's long distance from the get go? Different countries but only a two hour flight if that makes any difference, and we met in real life. Opinions?

No. 401359

What this anon said >>401341 just treat yourself! You did the right thing, so proud of you
It depends, do you guys have an end goal (where would you live together, what would you do etc)?

No. 401364

most LDRs are doomed from the start because you are overwhelmingly engaging with the fantasy version of a person, even if you are able to meet irl sporadically. i was in a LDR where we closed the distance and it didn't work out despite trying for a long time. 2/10 do not recommend

No. 401389

nta but I'd be most concerned about the boyfriend leaking personal photos and videos. I don't know how I would get over that concern, if I even should.

No. 401410

it takes a really, really strong bond to make it work. like if this person isnt 10x better than your options at home its kinda pointless.

No. 401427

We told you he literally did not care and already wasn’t with you in his head. You should have just ghosted him. Not that you’re considering it but don’t take him back. You’ll be happy he’s gone soon, sorry you feel bad right now.

No. 401437

My boyfriend keeps making imaginary scenarios and asking me what I would do if "Tyrone" did "X" to me, or that women (me included) would not be able to resist if "Tyrone" was to do "Y". He implies the person is black, and we are both not. How do tell him this is a retarded joke and that he should commit suicide?

No. 401438

The person you're dating has to be an exceptional person, otherwise you're spending an excessive amount of energy, time, money and just frustration from being apart and dealing with that obstacle every day just to 'get' something you can get at home.

No. 401445

So he has a racial cucking fetish? Just break up

No. 401450

No offense but he sounds developmentally delayed. He sounds like a retarded gen alpha faggot. How the fuck did you start dating him in the first place? Leave this tard immediately

No. 401462

No not really, cause we're not even dating yet (hence me asking). I'm sure those plans would come after dating for a while, maybe?
>fantasy version of a person
Yeah I feel like it's really easy for this to happen. I watch a lot of 90 day fiance and the difference between the person on your screen vs the real life person you meet often catches everyone by surprise in that show haha.
I would never share intimate photos or videos.
Thanks nonnies for being so honest. To be honest myself it's exactly what I was thinking as well, I don't want to be in a ldr, never wanted to but I just have a huge crush on this guy and it's making me loco. I'll try to remind myself of the realities and get over it.

No. 401467

>I'm sure those plans would come after dating for a while, maybe?
If you are going into a ldr you need to talk about this up front, make plans to meet up as soon as possible, the timeline you're imagining etc. Otherwise you are just dating a fantasy and you're going to get strung along for years. Actually I think it should be the same with normal relationships too, too many people are dating a literal imagination in their head bc "it was too soon to talk about x" and then 10 years pass and they're dating someone with wildly differing views who views them as a placeholder and now they're too scared to burst the fantasy bubble by talking about the relationship.

No. 401486

We have plans to see each other again in june and then again in september. I personally feel like it's too early to talk about moving countries or stuff cause we're not official yet, right? I don't know, maybe I'm just avoiding the hard topics cause I want to enjoy now for what it is. I'm glad I asked you nonnas though, you're making me consider the situation more rationally and seriously instead of jumping head first into a relationship that might be a waste of time and effort.

No. 401501

I'm a specialist when it comes to LDRs (been in two, first one was 3 years long, the other 4 years, both were 1 to 2 hours away by plane) and I can tell you: it's shit, it's not worth it, it won't work out. The second guy I was with even moved countries so we lived one and a half hours away by car, and we broke up right after kek all of it was completely pointless. LDRs really only work for people who are separated for a definite period of time, like when one has to leave for a few months due to work. Anything uncertain where one person might change their mind is automatically doomed. Even if it's only 2 hours away by plane, life gets busy and you'll see each other every 3 months or so at best if you aren't both NEETs.
If you decide to see each other more often, like during weekends, it's still shit. During my first LDR we saw each other about once or twice a month for a weekend, and it was so incredibly stressful. We fought every time about who should come visit and go through the pain of a 5 hour busride on Friday, and then again on Sunday. Using the plane each time wasn't feasible due to the price.

When you do visit each other, suddenly living together for weeks will drive you insane. Not only are you unaccustomed to experiencing each other in person, you'll feel the need to do something together since your time before you or he has to leave is so limited. Once it's time to say goodbye, you'll regret any time you "wasted" by being on your own instead of being glued together and doing some kind of fun activity as a couple 24/7. It's exhausting.
When you aren't visiting each other, you'll have to get used to feeling seething jealousy whenever your boyfriend would rather go out with his friends instead of sitting around at home to VC with you. You will be passionless penpals about 90% of your relationship because sending nudes or sexting or having phone sex gets old after the initial infatuation dies down.
What do you do if one of you is sick, or undergoing some type of crisis or tragedy? It's not like you can quit your job or school to rush to the other's aid. You won't even be able to drop in every evening to hug, cuddle, make dinner, or help with chores. You'll, once again, be stuck on Discord and helplessly watch and listen to the other cry without being able to provide any physical comfort or assistance.

The worst part is the sunk cost fallacy. Because, if you break up after a year, did you try enough to make things work? You love each other, and you don't want to let go. You talk about closing the gap. You make wishy washy plans and have conversations such as this:
>Let's not break up. Then-and-then, at some point in the future, eventually, one of us will move!
>Um, not me. I have my family and friends here.
>"Well, me too."
>All right, let's bench the topic for later. We'll figure something out.
Rinse and repeat whenever you doubt your relationship. You never end up figuring anything out. Even if you do, you might break up immediately after like me and my ex did. All the weeks, months, years, and energy you spent on that digital person - who you weren't even able to touch the vast majority of time you were together - will have been a waste of time.
TLDR long distance retardationships are 0/10. If you have any other questions or need more sense to be talked into you, I'm here.

No. 401520

This sounds too vague to work. If you both wanted it to work, you would be confident in bringing up a timeline. Not necessary "by august we have to be married" but like, how you plan on closing the gap, a general estimate etc. This sounds like a recipe for getting strung along.

No. 401522

Thanks nonnies for hammering some sense into my head. I'll enjoy for what it is and abandon the idea of a serious relationship. Honestly you kind of confirmed all of my fears and doubts so I feel kinda validated right now. Even tho I'm crazy about this guy rn it's just a feeling and nothing to base any serious desicions on.

No. 401524

Nona who is well versed in e-relationships here, pretty much everything you said is correct and applicable. Summed it up well. For every 1 LDR that works there are 1000 that failed.

No. 401525

I have the same problem nona. My bf's family are all status obsessed weirdos from another culture who look down on me for not being in their line of work. I hate going to dinners or home parties with them because they make everything so tense and awkward. His mom is fucking nuts too and just being around her neurotic loud self is so stressful. I feel for you.

No. 401527

so are they chinese or japanese?

No. 401529

They’re Laotian.

No. 401532

dump him. if he's close and has made himself responsible for his family, this will be your whole life.

No. 401540

AYRT, thanks for the support anons. I was exaggerating because I had just gotten back from the most chaotic family gathering I've ever had the misfortune of attending, so the real situation isn't that bad. It turns out the most annoying people are actually distant relations/extended family who only crawl out of the woodwork for major family events/parties. His immediate family is OK, and after I told him off for paypigging out of familial obligation that one time my bf wised up. The main problem is that the extended family is full of weirdos and cows, but even my bf agrees they're annoying and as long as I politely decline invitations to big family gatherings I don't have to think about them. Plus, he has other siblings who work and plenty of young cousins entering the workforce, so the onus is no longer on him to "support the family".
Yes they're working-class immigrants. My parents and most of the people I grew up with are also immigrants, but I grew up middle-class so it was a big shock at first.

No. 401549

that's good to hear, i understand having a strong reaction right after a family gathering like that. as long as your boyfriend prioritizes your needs and protects you from his family, deals with all their bullshit and makes sure they treat you well then you have a real chance at peace. best of luck.

No. 401584

Maybe it's "not that bad" right now but that doesn't really sound good for anything long term with him, to be honest. You are going to be involved with his family unless he avoids them himself.

No. 401614

This is very common. I think a lot of women are natural people pleasers. A lot of the time we’re so conditioned to put others needs before our own that we don’t even realize how much anger and hurt we are suppressing when we say yes to our moids stupid whims, until it all comes explodes one day.

No. 401616

how do you deal with not being your Nigel’s usual type? my Nigel’s exes are all blonde, conventionally attractive, skinny, very whitebread looking natural girls who only wear white or pink and look straight out of a Pinterest board. then there’s me, a somewhat dumpy short brown black haired latina who is addicted to heavy eyeliner and goth music. i constantly feel like he settled for me because his exes either cheated on or dumped him usually. it’s starting to affect my self esteem and i keep getting intrusive thoughts.

No. 401628

You shouldn’t compare yourself to them. If you looked just like them you would be worried it was a cycle repeating itself and he would ex you too. There’s no winning with this game

No. 401696

I'm dating a moid who's the complete opposite of what I usually like
in a man (all 4 of my scrote exes have been dark haired and brown eyed with olive skin tones while he's blonde, blue eyed and pale as fuck) and it literally doesn't matter to me. Maybe once in a while I think something like "huh, how funny, didn't expect to ever be so attracted to someone like this!". Your boyfriend probably feels the same, don't stress about it.

No. 401755

Is this doubt caused by other things or just his preference? I'd say this situation is pretty cute, shows his flexibility too. You want to stay away from men who can't ever be attracted to a woman who isn't their type

No. 401771

I mean is he jacking off to porn of his usual type which is upsetting you or is it only the fact that his exes were different from you? If he's not constantly talking about his preference, there shouldn't be an issue. Don't compare yourself to others. Ultimately you're in a relationship with him, not them.

No. 401843

Men are faaaaar too shallow to waste time and effort on a woman they’re not attracted to, nona. At least if you’ve been together longer than one night (which I assume you have). Seriously moids wont bother investing in a woman that they don’t find fuckable. Rest assured he finds you attractive.

No. 401853

You could find a bf from a country where porn is banned I guess.

No. 401927

I can’t stop thinking about this moid, it’s driving me crazy. I feel like I have brain damage. I want to slam my head repeatedly against a wall so I can stop thinking about him and smiling, we spoke last night for hours straight about out interests and religion and music and I was beaming I was radiantly happy to speak with someone who’s smart and funny and cultured but it’s torture to demean myself like this, reduce myself to this snivelling pathetic woman-child obsessing over whether a moid will contact her today. I keep glancing at my phone all day like I’m expecting an important business call. Every time I catch myself with my thumb hovering over the messenger icon I want to commit self-trepanation. Maybe I’m hormonal and the crushing intensity of lust will ease in a few days. God, I hope so. I want to talk about him to anyone who’ll listen but I’m too embarrassed of being a simp I’ve kept my mouth shut. I want to see him again but he lives hours away and it’d be creepy to visit him specifically. I’ve only known him for a few weeks but I’ve already created elaborate fantasies of our life together like some delusional psychiatric patient. I need a lobotomy I need an induced coma I need to distract myself so I don’t message him first and also so I can concentrate on work and not think about putting his calloused fingers against my lips.
I’m usually not like this at all. How can I be normal? How do I stop a moid from consuming my every thought? It’s like he’s put a spell on me. I’m cursed.

No. 401966

>his calloused fingers
Stopped reading there

No. 401971

Just do something else that requires focus

No. 401972

Put the focus on what you can achieve right now for yourself. Exercise, read a book, make music… Make time pass, but also do some self improvement and tend to responsibilities. I struggle with similar, my Nigel is over an hour away, yet I find my life at pause at times wondering when he'll text me back (he's sleeping). Use the energy not being used and direct it towards external factors. It'll be worth it to be able to physically see each other.

No. 401981

Just get a husbando and put all your mentally ill clingy energy into him. Not even joking, this actually helps kek

No. 401992

Chill anon, having a crush isn't that strange and it'll pass. This anon >>401972 is right about re-directing your energy.

No. 401995

write fanfiction about a character that reminds you of him and post it where he’ll never find it. talk to ai bots (it’ll help you discern if your moid is really that clever - or is only as clever as a bot. many such cases). draw and paint. make crochet - and decide whether or not to gift it to him. do your laundry, pretend it’s his. if all else fails, go swimming, cool off. you are funny nonna i hope this guy is worth it

No. 402031

How do I get my bf to dress nicer? He cleans up well but he insists on wearing on corny anime shirts and pokemon snapbacks. I don't know how to lightly suggest he looks bad without being controlling

No. 402037

Is this a troll post? I'm not sure there's anything redeemable about a grown man wearing anime shirts and snapbacks, nevermind that they have fucking Pokemon on them, in 2024.

If you're serious and he doesn't otherwise suck, just tell him in a calm, mature way that the way he dresses is kind of childish and probably not doing his image any favours. That's not controlling, that's just being honest about something that coukd affect how people treat him. Maybe tell him to keep it to one nerd fandom piece per outfit for starters.

No. 402038

you… can't. if he likes those things he's going to wear them. telling him you think they look like shit won't do anything but make him feel bad. idk what to tell you except that style is completely personal and subjective.

No. 402048

Um, no? I'm not trolling. And he's great otherwise, just has poor fashion sense.
Speaking of nerd fandoms, the shirts he wears are just totally random and he doesn't actually care much about the titles on them. It's not like he's a hardcore weeb who wears anime girl shirts. Just like, a generic anime shirt from Hot Topic bought 10 years ago that he still wears. So I want to think that he has a better chance since he's not passionate about those things.
He can pull off alt light clothes very nicely and it suits him well. Looks great in button ups too. He has the body for it, he's not like a fat neckbeard. But he just always grabs the ratty old studio ghibli shit shirts.

No. 402050

I think you're overthinking it. Just tell him those don't flatter him and you want to help him pick out nicer stuff to wear, then help him pick out nicer stuff and compliment how he looks in it.
The only advice on what not to do that I have is DO NOT throw away any of his shitty tshirts. He can do it himself but don't ask him to. They're still good for pajamas and wearing around the house or whatever. He will resent you and it is weird to throw away his clothes. Not saying you would do this but if you are thinking you'd love to throw them in the trash, take a chill pill and stop yourself.

No. 402051

when he wears the clothes you like you can mention that he looks really sexy or nice to make him want to wear them more. don't insult his other clothes, that will just cause resentment

No. 402057

anime t shirts should be insulted copiously, always

No. 402059

Honestly, I think she's fine to insult the shirts. He will also recognize they are objectively ugly if he thinks about it.

No. 402061

He needs to get better taste
Who the fuck thinks it's okay to wear anime shirts and pokemon snapbacks. Even if he stopped wearing those tomorrow, the shit taste would still remain a problem for many other areas in life.

No. 402063

File: 1717106591692.png (482.17 KB, 682x690, 17167309485934.png)

Has anyone here been in an open relationship or a non-monogamous relationship before?

I'm trying to understand my friends point of view on why they need to be in an open relationship when the gf is really needy of the bf even though she's dating multiple guys and the bf's relationships with other women keep falling apart when they want more attention and time from him.

No. 402065

Retardation and lack of emotional and communication skills probably

No. 402093

should i get rid of my bedframe and have my mattress on the floor? i live at home with no plans of moving out and i can't have sex with my gf without it squeaking lol. can't tighten/oil the joints to fix the noise (cheap ikea wood that splinters and missing screws). i can lean against the wall in the day to air it + i don't mind the aesthetics of floor mattress at all. opinions nonas?

No. 402095

You should get a real bed. Bare mattress on the floor is a bad look. I do not approve. It's really hard to keep a floor mattress clean because it's too heavy to shake out.
If you fully switch to a futon setup and keep it very clean then that's fine but you can't just slap your mattress on the floor.

No. 402111

My friend is in one. It's a one sided open relationship where she has sex with other guys because her fiance's dick doesn't work (but she ends up falling for those guys).

No. 402122

I’ve tried having two boyfriends at once and it was exhausting.

No. 402127

Your mattress is going to mold

No. 402143

Can't you just get a new bed frame? Maybe one of the low to the ground ones? I feel like if I was going to go to the trouble of regularly airing out my floor mattress, I'd just bite the bullet and get a shikibuton.

No. 402168

A bed frame allows air circulation underneath the mattress, plus it makes cleaning underneath more easy. A better solution is getting a new bed frame. If you're on a budget, you can get 2nd hand ones for cheap or even for free with ease because people want to get rid of then when they're moving.

No. 402186

I am in a poly relationship and I can assure you, while it’s fairly normal to sometimes feel lonely, it should be talked about a lot and none should be left behind. The issues the bf is having with other girls is giving me vibes that he is incapable of committing and communicating with one partner, let alone multiple. If you want such a relationship you should be the one talking and working with everyone else to find a solution where everyone feels loved.
Clinginess is often a negligence symptom.

No. 402187

kek is this bait?

No. 402188

It reeks of tumblr retardation.

No. 402189

Hey you have to have lolcows browsing lolcow.

No. 402191

probably, though the bf does communicate a lot to the gf every time he starts developing feelings with someone and goes out with someone but at the same time he's such a people pleaser. meanwhile the gf is really dependent on the bf when she's at home and she has autism.
that's really sad especially if she's falling for those other guys than the one she's with, they might as well break it off at that point. To be honest I heard from my friend (the bf) that they don't even have sex because of her physical health causes pain.
yeah I think this is why I would rather stay single and go out on dates than juggle multiple relationships, I haven't even made one relationship work but then again I haven't dated anyone since my early 20s and I am in my late 20s now.
To be honest he was telling me that he can't do monogamous relationship because he feels he would obsess over one person too much and he believes he can "share the love" to multiple people.

No. 402194

Thanks for the help nonas, I was actually prepared for derision than to get any genuine advice. I just adore indulging in that fanatical, restless pining and idealisation, it’s something I’ve very rarely experienced because most men are hideous and/or stupid so it’s a thrill to languish in it, even though I know it’s not healthy. You might be right about needing a husbando. Or channeling the neuroticisms and more unsavoury thoughts into writing or music. I hope eventually I’ll snap out of this demonic possession and realise this man is literally like any other mouth-breathing, greasy moid with a porn addiction. But also I don’t! I hope and pray he isn’t! I already hate how infrequent his messages are but at the same time his parents are visiting this weekend, he said he’d be free on Monday. Does he think I have nothing better to do than sit and gaze longingly out of a window for him until then? What a petty narcissist, I’m obsessed. I jump up to catch the scraps of attention he throws at me.

No. 402204

Communicating when you’re developing feelings is not the same of being an attentive partner. It looks to me like she’s neglected, with unmet needs and probably is in other relationships so that she can have a bit of those needs fulfilled elsewhere. His reasoning for wanting a non monogamous relationship sounds like bullshit but it is also true that a mono relationship is a gateway for codependency maybe that’s what he means. Idk.

No. 402205

Sounds like he's just a regular commitment-phobic man.

No. 402234

He does seem pretty attentive based on what he told me about taking care or her when she's feeling ill, tidying up the home, sometimes cooking the dinner and he always rushes back home when she calls for him to come home. Maybe it could be her emotional needs that are being neglected.

No. 402259

File: 1717185132584.jpg (66.15 KB, 736x941, my_kitties.jpg)

A guy asked me for on a date what should I be prepared for?

I have been talking with this moid he is really cute and takes care of himself (works out,etc)
His interests are strategy games,roman history and animal biology.
Should I go for it?Are there any red flags that you find in him?
(here is a pic of my cat btw)

No. 402264

Just based off what you've told us, seems like a go-ahead to me. If he is into strategy games and Roman history though, I would probe a bit into his political ideology to make sure he's not some far right misogynistic weirdo if you haven't already. But that's just a precaution, having those interests doesn't necessarily mean he is like that.

No. 402310

Roman history and strategy games are kinda red flags but they could be normal interests. Ask him what he likes about Roman history and let him sperg for a bit. If he's interested solely in the military side of Rome and goes on about racial purity, get out. Same with strategy games, if he goes into American Psycho territory because strategy games are a way to assert control over the mind of the average sheeple, he's insane and you should leave.

No. 402328

He's likely to be a right-wing 4chan-using gamer, aka a racist weeb pedophile. Good luck.

No. 402372

Was seeing a moid. He seemed really earnest, interesting and he was physically my type. He planned the first date and it went well and our conversation flowed naturally. He told me at the end of the date he "wasn't feeling a really strong romantic connection", and I thought, okay, well we've only just met so it makes sense. He messaged me that night once we had gone home asking for me to let him know when I'm free next so we can see each other again. We met up again the next week and I (stupidly, idiotically, disgustingly) slept with him. The sex was pretty excellent, and he still seemed interested. We planned another date a couple of weeks later and went on it a couple of nights ago. At the end of the date, I got hit with the "I am not looking to pursue a romantic connection with you," conversation. He said that if he doesn't feel it immediately, it's not something that grows on him. However, he still "wants to hang out with me, because I'm fun and he enjoys talking to me". I got angry that he was planning intimate dates and doing things with a romantic pretence only to turn around and basically solicit a friends with benefits relationship. I told him straight up that I will not be seeing him again, and that our 'relationship' will be ending. He was quite shocked by this, like he expected me to go along with this, and said something like "now I'm upset; usually when this has happened before, the girl tries to make it work," or something absolutely fucking ridiculous, underlying the idea that this is something that has happened multiple times with him.

So, I'd fallen for yet another emotionally unavailable scrote with a sex addiction and no ability to commit or feel romantic love. I assume it's related to trauma he has experienced before, as he hinted at being in a toxic past relationship that ended four years ago, which was the "last time he had been in love".

Why does this keep happening to me, nonas? Where do I go from here? How do I keep my vulnerable heart from being crushed over and over again?

No. 402376

It isn’t your fault and he’s a pos but don’t sleep with a guy on your second date. No matter how good the sex is, it doesn’t guarantee a damn thing, he even told you so himself.
He kept saying he’s not feeling it because he goes after the type of girl who would keep seeing him anyway and he knows it, he says it so that you can’t say he was leading you on later and it’s “your fault” if you don’t get what you’re looking for. This is why you don’t look at a man’s words, but his actions. They will dress it up any which way so it sounds better but the gist of it is he doesn’t give a shit and just wants easy sex without the responsibility of a relationship. Males are opportunistic like that.
In the future do not have sex with a male until he has proven with his actions that he likes you for you. Put yourself first and explicitly state what you want out of a relationship so he doesn’t try to weasel his way out like “but I thought this is what you wanted”. If he tries to make it official too fast but won’t let you meet his friends, he doesn’t like you and is still trying to get laid. Don’t try too hard to be a “cool chill girl”, it benefits only him and he’ll treat you like a doormat.

No. 402377

Samefag because I forgot to add
>I assume it's related to trauma he has experienced before, as he hinted at being in a toxic past relationship that ended four years ago, which was the "last time he had been in love".
There is no trauma. He just doesn’t want to be with you, and the reason why is none of your business. You’re not his therapist and can’t fix him. It’s his problem that he will have to deal with, not yours. Pity him and move on.

No. 402378

I suppose the problem that is to me, his actions did reflect the idea that he was genuinely interested in me. He paid for my food, brought up planning more dates and didn't forget about dates we had planned a week earlier, and he travelled pretty far to see me. I suppose he also did a lot of intimate things when we were more intimate that I fell for like an idiot, like staring into my eyes intently, brushing the hair from my eyes, touching my lips etcetera - something you don't really expect from a casual fuck. But you're right about everything else nona, and I know it deep down, but somehow I continue to attract these men and my own self-esteem takes a hit in the process.

No. 402386

sounds like classic emotionally retarded scrote behaviour nonny, i'm so sorry you had to deal with this. it's not your fault, this is basically the dating scene at the moment because scrotes are eternally thirsty for sex and refuse to acknowledge us as people. you'll find someone eventually, but in future make sure to only have sex when you feel 100% comfortable doing so!!

No. 402388

Guys will do anything and everything to get sex. Sounds like he might have been lovebombing a bit too, that's always gross from these types. I've experienced this shit too and it took a toll on me but eventually I started treating these guys as they treated me. I was direct, set boundaries and questioned them, and when they tried to get whiny on me I hit them with the truth - I'm looking for a mature, responsible guy, and they're clearly not that. These guys deserve to have their egos trampled on, so do that when you can. They thrive off of 'caring' behaviour from women.

No. 402392

Actually in this case his actions were saying he was romantically interested and his words were explicitly telling her otherwise. So she could have just listened to his words. kek not to make light of it
It's okay nona don't even feel bad for sleeping with him. Like you said, the sex was good. His lack of self-awareness is hilarious, you did the right thing telling him to kick rocks.

No. 402483

File: 1717271097252.jpeg (3.74 MB, 4032x3024, IMG_3760.jpeg)

Nonnas… I still love my ex. I “moved on” but the man I’m dating now doesn’t hold a candle to him. He was my first love. He also has a habit of paying for me to visit him (he has a lot of disposable income) and romances me so I fall back in love with him, then breaks my heart (dating me again, then dumping me, dating me then saying he sees me “as a sister”…) I recently blew up at him over this, because the last time EVERYONE in my family told me not to see him but I’m a retard and I trusted his word that he would not woo me again. Needless to say he lavished me with compliments and food and when I was hooked, it’s like he waited for me to show a moment of weakness (I got drunk and weird) and dumped me again. I feel like he’s trying to make me become obsessed with him. He took my virginity and keeps playing catch and release with me, and every time I bounce back a little less. Should I completely cut contact with him? Picrel is unrelated but it’s Audrey Hepburn dressed as a man which I thought was kino

No. 402485

nonna love yourself and move on, he sounds like an asshole

No. 402488

Ask yourself why you're like this because I don't understand why anyone would be like this

No. 402491

I've been dating this guy for the past month and I kind of caught feelings for him or I'm just desperate because I haven't dated anybody for the past two years and I just want a hugs and kisses? There are a few things that bother me with him, so I need to get a clear head. In the past I've been into dark haired men that are very controlling and I just let things slide and ignore all of their red flags because I tell myself "well nobody is perfect" while they completely disregard my feelings and needs. My ex-boyfriend was really into sports and having a great physique so he would push that on to me and criticize my body and tell me what to eat and what exercises to do. I almost got out with an eating disorder. I am scared that I am repeating this pattern right now. The dude I am dating is a teacher and I have the feeling that he somehow has the need to always put himself above me and everyone else morally (he is a vegan) and intellectually? I am in no way stupid, I have a degree and a good job but he sometimes corrects my speech, tells me that I need to eat more quietly and always asks me questions like "so, when will you finally get your masters degree" and "what's your relationship with work like". He also makes me follow his routine were we wake up at 6 am on the weekend which is ok but a little weird. He gives me the feeling that I need to prove myself to him and if I slip up I get discarded. He also got extremely comfortable in my company and just burps and doesn't tidy up when I come over and other things like that? I'm not sure if it's my place to berate him and just be like "your place is a mess" since we've only known each other for a month. One time I told him about something that's been bothering and stressing me out at work and he was just like "well, that is a good time to control your feelings". I am not really sure what to think about this it feels weird. It started to feel weird when we talked about sports (we both go the gym) and while I just wanted to connect he proceeded to tell me what exercises to do and how to do them correctly which kind of reminded me of my ex. As I am writing this I realize that I am kind of a doormat and I need to fix myself please help

No. 402493

File: 1717273823408.jpeg (459.6 KB, 1301x990, IMG_2627.jpeg)

Because some of us will see this and think damn cheese yum yum let me get some of that, and fail to see the trap every single time. I’m already feeling bad enough bitch, no need to kick me when I’m down, take it out on a moid instead!
I blocked him and deleted his number (and whatsapp for good measure) so I’m not tempted to text him anymore

No. 402495

good to hear, so proud of you!
please just leave, he sounds like an absolute ass

No. 402501

see I'm not the one kicking you when you're down, that guy you wrote about is

No. 402502

Maybe it’s not definitive enough to call him controlling like your abusive ex, but try to push back a bit at times when you think he’s trying to push you towards something. Like with your education or job, if it satisfies you and you’re stable with what you have, then just state that to end it. If he keeps reacting like he knows better and he’s disappointed in you, then he just can’t accept you. For the other things, tell him to have some better manners, like “please don’t burp.” If he keeps brushing it off and doesn’t give you reassurance that he takes you seriously, then he clearly doesn’t care about the basic things, and likely won’t care for other more serious complaints you may have later on.

No. 402504

Teachers are always massive faggots, 100% and your guy sounds like a douchebag

No. 402505

Please ditch him now while it's still early days. Do you really want to spend a year, or five years, or the rest of your life being asked condescending questions about your education, being rudely corrected, and getting up at 6am on weekends? He sounds like a major weirdo.

No. 402510

He's not going to get any better any time soon. He's clearly trying to get somewhere by putting you down while not minding his own manners. You can always try >>402502 advice and push back a bit but my prediction is either he won't take you seriously or will pretend to give a shit for a short while and then be back on his bullshit the next day and you will be stuck in that cycle for ages. Either way you will be wasting far too much time dealing with this pretentious asshole that you could be spending talking to someone sane and down to earth.

If you're bad at spotting red flags use this rule of thumb : when he pulls "rules for thee but not for me", run away immediately, even if it's over something stupid. That's how the male parasite makes his home. The ugly tick that is his ego will only keep draining you to get bigger.

No. 402511

File: 1717278927947.jpg (70.89 KB, 500x658, tumblr_inline_qm6qbiiDAB1xq8uf…)

Literally the entire endless story of my 20s nony, i love you and you deserve true love

No. 402518

That's the weirdest way of asking about this, are you implying you can't divorce your husband but your lover wants you to? If you're asking about someone's else relationship, then I think it's pointless.

No. 402521

started e-cheating on my e-bf. been leading on new guy even though i don't want him either because he's hot. lord give me the strength to drop both of these shitty men.

No. 402522

you sound pretty shitty yourself so maybe you guys deserve each other

No. 402523

I’m just starting to realize I have massive intimacy issues that I’ve been ignoring for years. I think I’m kind of sickened by society’s obsession with sex and how cheapened it’s become through porn and such. Male sexuality and taste honestly disgusts me. Being sexualized makes me feel icky, almost angry tbh. I hate the expectations of sex that come with a relationship: being sexually available whenever the moid wants, sending nudes etc. I’m not asexual in the slightest, but I start to feel incredibly resentful when sexual availability is expected from me not on my own terms. Honestly unless it’s on my own terms I’m simply not interested, no matter how attractive the guy is. I’ve started realizing how strong this feeling is since I recently started dating again. The entitlement of moids towards my body makes me feel sick and honestly sometimes I want to punch/stab them. Is it normal to feel so disgusted by male sexuality that it puts you off the idea of dating altogether?

No. 402524

I really wanna know what happened to that anon with the LDR dude who """drew""" her as a headless torso with her tits hanging out and chains and angel wings.

No. 402525

that was fast. yea i slipped up. my bf sucks a lot though. new guy doesn't deserve me leading him on i guess.

No. 402526

i'm right here >>402521. he fucked up a lot more after that and i have lost all feelings for him. i'm planning to break up with him but idk how. he told me he wants to marry me a few days ago.

No. 402527

100% guarantee your bf watches porn and most likely talks to other girls too. Even if he doesn’t, he would if he had the options. Don’t even feel bad about it or let lurking scrotes guilt trip you.

No. 402528

Wasn't it all online? You can just turn off your computer and walk away any time.

No. 402530

>Roman history and strategy games are kinda red flags
Lol no they're not.
Ask him if he ever watched "I, Claudius". Ask him if he ever read about the role of women in Ancient Rome as dominae (women who kept and owned gladiators). Read up a little on that yourself because A: it's cool learning stuff like that about women in ancient times, and B: he'll probably be impressed.

No. 402531

i know he does. he admitted to me last month he was watching porn the entire time we'd been together. you guys were right. but it's even worse than that. two months ago he told me that a few years ago he visited an escort and had unprotected sex then never got tested. he was planning to sleep with me without telling me and only didn't end up doing it because his parents convinced him not to visit me a week before he was supposed to. i yelled at him and he went and got tested, then when he sent me the receipt he censored out his last name. i told him i was done with him, and he called me 6 times until i finally picked up and somehow talked me into getting back together. i convinced myself everything was fine until he admitted the porn thing a month ago. i told him i didn't think i could deal with it, and he somehow talked me into staying together again. now he's been messaging me nonstop again, lovebombing constantly, and as mentioned, is now saying he wants to marry me. i need to break up with him but i don't know how, he keeps saying he can't live without me. i'm afraid he'll kill himself or something if i break up with him.

No. 402534

yes. i never actually met him irl.

No. 402536

Ah I fucked up a bit. "Dominae" weren't just women who owned gladiators. Here's a link that'll help explain a lot better than I could: https://www.theexploresspodcast.com/episodes/2020/2/14/domina-the-women-who-ran-ancient-rome

No. 402537

I think anyone who sleeps with an escort, protected or not, is seriously disgusting
Even porn-addicted men would think twice before sleeping with one

No. 402538

you're totally fine then don't even worry about it. delete your account / log off / go outside. it should be a funny memory of your time online

No. 402539

yea. i feel so confused cause i've tried to end it twice and keep getting talked out of it somehow. also when i said e-cheated i meant i started talking to a guy today and then felt bad about it afterwards.

No. 402540

Who cares if he kills himself, just block him lol.

No. 402541

Holy fuck anon. Block this man immediately and go no contact permanently. Men who use prostitutes are completely unsalvageable scumbags. Even my porn addicted exes were at least decent enough not to actually dare sleep with one, much less unprotected, and much MUCH less would try to sleep with me after rawdogging one. What a fucking monster. Dump him asap.

No. 402543

> i need to break up with him but i don't know how
Send him a text message saying "I'm breaking up with you. Goodbye", then block his number and turn your phone OFF. For the rest of the day. And go enjoy your life for once.

No. 402544

Leave him! Please!

No. 402546

You two should talk with one another.

No. 402547

Those are both my posts.

No. 402549

You're not really cheating on him, then, are you? Please tell me the new guy isn't as fucked up as the old guy.

No. 402550

Nona, I promise you. Even if you weigh 400lbs, have the face of a mule and smell like a dumpster outside a Popeye’s, you can STILL do better than this lowlife scrote. Please don’t settle. I promise there are far better men out there who would simp for you and wont pull this kind of disgusting shit.

No. 402551

Not really, I just talked to someone else today then felt guilty about it.

No. 402553

try to not e-date and meet real people instead

No. 402554

Once I figure out how to end it, I want to stay single for awhile. This relationship has warped me and I need time to cool off.

No. 402555

what do you mean by "figure out how to end it" just say you're breaking up with him and stop interacting with him
also, there's no way he's serious when he says he wants to marry you. he's probably realized that the relationship isn't secure and is resorting to manipulating you into staying by saying something dramatic

No. 402559

Block him you dumb bitch

No. 402564

Block him. He has no control over you. Block, delete, move on. Literally turn off the computer.

No. 402570

I don't know if it's normal, but I certainly feel similarly to you. There is something about it all that is so deeply unsexy to me that it turns me off from being interested at all. I'm sure there are plenty of other women who feel this way though, since men always complain about the "loneliness epidemic" or whatever and how many women are choosing to stay single now. If I had to choose between being single or being in a relationship with a guy where I felt uncomfortable in every sexual encounter then I'd rather stay single.

No. 402585

This is totally normal. Honestly good for you. Before like the last ten years this wasn’t even something you would question yourself over. I swear they’re doing something to kids brains these days that now 20-somethings think it’s weird to not want to give themselves in whatever way to anyone who asks. Don’t get yourself in legal trouble raging out obviously but also do not let go of your self preservation instincts.

No. 402598

Honestly, from female friends that I’ve talked to, I think this is a very common sentiment a lot of them, even normie women have.

There’s a reason dead bedrooms become so frequent after a LTR/marriage: most of the time, it’s the woman who doesn’t want to have sex with her husband. This gets blamed on all kinds of things, most people try to claim that women just naturally have low sex drives or whatever, but I beg to differ. I think women are almost just as horny as men, but the simple fact is just living with a man will put you off him eventually.

Once you’ve smelled enough of his shits, seen enough of his skidmarks on the pan, caught his search history by accident enough, been subject to his insensitive remarks enough, etc etc, it’s completely natural to be turned off by your Nigel and to stop wanting sex with him pretty much ever again.

A lot of women think there’s something wrong with them with this happens: they start going to sex counselling, trying to indulge in his kinks even when they don’t want to, start taking herbal female viagra pills etc, but the bottom line is that most men are pig disgusting and also annoying as fuck. It’s impossible to feel attracted to your Nigel when you realize what dirty entitled vile pigs most of them are.

No. 402618

File: 1717296968054.gif (34.55 KB, 220x309, tenor_gif590514815224622909_23…)

My husband started a new job working at a country club and he generally works pretty late (~10-11pm). I WFH and am a hermit so he is massively more socializing than I am. I think my hermitude has made me go kind of crazy. I am convinced he's fucking his coworker and I have literally zero proof whatsoever. It's not even vibes based or something in his attitude, I am pretty sure it's entirely a delusion amplified by my abysmal self-esteem (he's charismatic and easy on the eyes and I'm on lolcow waiting for him to come home listening to a podcast alone on a Saturday night so make your own assumptions). Any nonnas been in a similar situation and had it get better? I think my brain is ruining my marriage

No. 402625

Idk nona, I feel you. I’m a bpdchan so I have these thoughts all the time. You can’t control the thoughts and paranoia about him cheating but you can control how you respond to them ie ignoring them and putting them aside.

No. 402628

can't you bring him food or something unannounced and check out his and his coworkers reactions

No. 402659

Work on your self esteem and get meaningful, satisfying indoor hobbies.

No. 402669

>many women are choosing to stay single now
A bit OT but I don't get this, i don't know any single woman around me, most are in a LTR or they have hookups/a FWB (which don't count as being single to me), why are moids complaining?

No. 402672

>I think my brain is ruining my marriage
More like your marriage has ruined your brain, please get a hobby.

No. 402819

Because, statistically speaking, we've never had a situation where such a high percentage of the population (both men and women) want to be in a relationship but can't find anyone

No. 402823

cheat on him first and keep backup guys so even if he does cheat you won't feel so stupid for being faithful to him and also you'll have someone to fall back on

No. 402825


No. 402840

70% of Americans are overweight no wonder there's a loneliness epidemic

No. 402858

I have a crush on my coworker. We’re both college students and work at a grocery store. He’s really nice and charming and I’m kinda obsessed with him. It’s reached the point were I can’t wait to go to work just so I can see him again (which is weird to me because I normally hate working). We have headsets at my job and we joke around a lot over the headsets and then talk some more during our break. Sometimes we catch the same bus home together and sit next to each other. I really really like this guy. However, I’m shy and can only talk to him one on one. When our coworkers are also using headsets, I act like I’m mute and don’t speak. If our coworkers are in the break room with us then I don’t speak much. I’m starting to feel irrational jealousy too when I see him laughing with coworkers our age. I know I’m strange but I like him so much. How can I work out if he’s into me? Sometimes he’ll finish before me and wait outside until I finish so we can walk to the bus stop together and catch the bus home. I was talking to him the other day as we were walking home and a car did a random turn near us and he held me back (put his hand out to stop me moving) and told me to be careful. Is that a sign or am I delusional? He’s a friendly guy and is nice to everyone at the grocery store so maybe I’m overthinking it. The only male friends I have are gay so I don’t know how straight men flirt or whatever. Please help.

No. 402860

Nonnies, I have an emergency question. Guy I have been seeing seriously for over a month canceled on me very last minute and said something from work came up. When I questioned him on it further he admitted that nothing happened with work, he got scared because I asked him to pick me up from my mom's house where I am currently staying. He thought this meant meeting my mom and panicked, and instead of being a fucking adult and telling me this or asking me if my mom would be there he stood me up literally 30 mins after we were supposed to meet. My mom isn't even home today, I could have told him this if he asked. So I arranged to meet with him still at a different place near me in a few mins, and I am looking for advice on what I should do. Get him to pay for my coffee, subtly make fun of him, call him a bitch? What would my lovely fellow farmers do?

No. 402863

He’s a retarded pussy, I’d break up. He could have been mature about clarifying even if he wasn’t totally ready to meet your mom. How hard is it to ask a question and to say he’s not sure if he wants to see her yet if she’s there?

No. 402864

Tell him he's a loser and leave.

No. 402904

It sounds like he likes you. There's always a chance that he just likes you platonically, but ime most straight men that really like you as a friend and that don't find you unattractive would probably like to date you. The putting his hand out thing is a pretty good sign. Feel it out a bit more, and put some serious thought into whether or not you would like to make the first move. (Because you're coworkers, he'd probably have to be extremely sure that you like him before making the first move.)

You really should drop him. I think this behavior could maybe be excusable if he's younger than 22 or so, but even if he is that young, that's a serious tard moment and does indicate that he has some social anxiety issues that will need to be addressed. But you've only been "seriously dating" for a month, so I don't think there's very many circumstances at all in which it'd be worth it for you to keep investing in this relationship. This is the sort of thing that will rear its head time and time again, so unless you have a really good reason to believe that he's otherwise perfect for you, and you can rationally say that the chances of you finding a better partner are miniscule, just forget about it.

No. 402923

>I hate the expectations of sex that come with a relationship: being sexually available whenever the moid wants, sending nudes etc.
I can tell you with absolute confidence that this shit was never expected from women 50 years ago. Well, definitely not the nudes shit. That's just some shit that degenerates are trying to trick women into thinking is normal. They want you to think that this is normal so that it'll become a shitty cultural thing. Like all the awful misogynistic "cultural norms" in most Asian countries. Don't fall for it.

No. 402927

Not a good sign nona. He sounds like he’s not interested in committing to you at all if the idea of saying hi to your mom gives him a panic attack.

No. 402928

Oh, and also lying to you about the reason he was avoiding you? Huge red flag. Liar, immature and a commitment phobe. Scrotes like this are a dime a dozen, no woman should be giving them her time.

No. 402940

I feel bad this is normalized. it's just not true, you don't have to be sexually available to a man even in a relationship. It's a psyop. If they treat you that way it's really bad and you gotta leave. It just defies all logic but somehow when you're young you believe it. I remember believing it and I have no idea where I picked it up. It's wrong though.

No. 402949

Oh my god, nona. If the men you’re dating are treating you like a personal nude dispenser or as if you should act like their personal fleshlight on demand, then you’re dating a worthless porn addict and should block immediately and never contact him again.

The only men who think women should act like this for them are porn addicts whose only interactions with women are their fantasy scenarios and pornography. These scrotes are completely out of touch with reality and you want nothing to do with them anyway. If he starts acting this way, be thankful he showed you his true colors so you can block him sooner than later.
These worthless coompigs think that because the onlyfans chick they’re subbed to drops them nudes for 15 bucks a month, that this is how non-sex worker women should also act in relationship. It’s complete bullshit, and as other nonas have said, this is all simply a by-product of porn trying to normalize abnormal behavior so that more women fall victim to the sex industry.
You know the frog in the boiling water analogy right? Onlyfans and porn companies are literally trying to do the exact same thing to young women so that more of them can be groomed into joining the porn industry as soon as they turn 18.
It’s about encouraging women to objectify themselves as quickly as possible, pressuring them to bow to male demands and entitlement towards womens bodies. It’s about normalizing porn shit and trying to make women apply it to their daily lives and irl relationships. Same way anal and eating ass became ‘mainstream’ due to porn even though they both carry serious health risks. This is the insidious way that porn bleeds over into real life: the only thing that can stop it is women with strong boundaries. This is also partly why men love porn so much, because it normalizes abnormal things and causes women to doubt themselves and lack sexual boundaries.
But anyway like I and the other nonas have said, it’s not normal or acceptable for men to treat you this way. Please don’t fall for the porn industry bullshit that tries to convince you it is. You know deep down in your gut that it’s wrong, and you’re right about that.

No. 402984

You're wrong, it's not just porn addicts, it's the rest too, they just aren't as open and more subtle about it. Men want guaranteed sex out of a relationship, otherwise they think (and I mean this very literally) they're wasting being nice to you.

To men relationships are a tool to get stable access to sex, that's the end goal.

No. 402988

Lol, this isn’t true at all nona. Tell me you lurk 4chan 24/7 without telling me you lurk 4chan 24/7.
There are countless normal men out there who don’t expect explicit pornsick pictures from the woman they’re dating, and who have platonic normal friendships with women, with no sex involved nor expected. Normalfag women turn down their bf/husbands request for sex all the time, due to headache, stress, tired from work, not in the mood etc. And guess what? Her Nigel doesnt dump her, or try to rape her, or immediately go out and cheat, or ask for a divorce, or suddenly hate her because he can’t get his dick wet that night. He accepts it like a patient rational human being, they have sex again when she actually feels like it, and they stay together and continue having a healthy normal dynamic. You can see this all the time irl. It’s perfectly normal and expected for all functioning couples.

The incel weirdos you associate with online are the bottom of the barrel lowlifes and do not represent normal humans. They intentionally try to be as edgy and misogynistic as they can because they exist in a race to the bottom echo chamber of misery and loneliness. I feel bad for some of you nonas. Some of you have only dated pornsick terminally online scrotes and it shows.

No. 402994

nta but plenty of men irl who seem normal do those things too, idk why you think it's just 4chinners

No. 402995

>He was quite shocked by this, like he expected me to go along with this, and said something like "now I'm upset; usually when this has happened before, the girl tries to make it work,"

KEK proud of you nona

this is normal and not an issue to get over imo

No. 402996

>nonitas we have to put out and send nudes, otherwise the boys wont like us!

Right because everyone knows men love and respect women who put out and send nudes easily and treat them so well kek. Those women totally dont end up with the shittiest most abusive cumbrained cheating scrotes imaginable, time and time again.

No. 402997

?? where did anyone say that? all i said was that it's not just a 4chan moid thing, doesn't make it right and it doesn't mean i agree or condone it

No. 403010

Right so lesson is? Its always better to retain your dignity and self respect than spam men pictures of your spread asshole just because he asked for it. Maybe youll even earn his respect by saying no to him, too.

No. 403013

File: 1717407452038.jpg (276.69 KB, 1170x1295, 1000014784.jpg)

what is going on. why are you writing weird fanfics about me

No. 403015

You're trying to normalize evil scrote behavior and doompill nonas on this site into expecting it. Theres tons of men out there who dont act like this and women date and marry them everyday.

No. 403016

that's katharine hepburn

No. 403020

no i'm not. idk how all of this came from >>402994. guess i should've said "not literally all men" as a disclaimer? forget it

No. 403027

you're the one with wildly unrealistic expectations of men lmao

No. 403029

nta but you really need to stop interacting with failmales from 4chan.

No. 403031

I don't even use 4chan or social media
Every single male human is a penis with other organs attached to it. The quicker you learn this the easier it is to cope with the world.

No. 403032

are you projecting?

No. 403033

>bad men only exist on 4chan, not outside!
The fucking state of lc. Nobody can be this sheltered.

No. 403034

How old are you?

No. 403036

>Normalfag women turn down their bf/husbands request for sex all the time, due to headache, stress, tired from work, not in the mood etc. And guess what? Her Nigel doesnt dump her, or try to rape her
This is correct the first couple times. Eventually the implicit agreement that the man should fuck regardless makes itself known. It doesn't necessarily manifest as rape, it's more like the man chippng away at the woman's sense of integrity with bad unwanted sex. Normalfag women get raped after childbirth all the time. A 'migraine' doesn't stop a man who really wants it, no matter how nice he is otherwise.
You're right but not in the way you think: most couples are sexless after a while which is normal and expected, and so women aren't burdened with sex duty all the time (unlike what some virginal/BP users believe). But there is definitely a window of time where it's required by many, if not most

No. 403037

It is known that moids start losing their shit if their partners don't want to have sex, I'm still haunted
by my former coworker who casually said that her husband threatened with cheating on her if he didn't get anything for 3 days, and they were a normie gen X couple.

No. 403038

sex is expected of relationships
idk where the other anon gets this outlandish idea that normal men aren't like this

No. 403042

I don't think it's right for that nona to posit it as a fact. "You can see this all the time irl." We can? Damn, I didn't know we were stalking all these people's relationships and taking their word for how normal and functional their relationship is. Most people put on a facade and try to appear normal or show that they're living a great life. Normalfags aren't an exception. Sex is expected out of a relationship, and those men will find other avenues to get it (porn, cheating, so on).

No. 403043

not sure what shitholes you live in but marital rape is definitely not normal or widely accepted lol. if your bf throws a fit or cheats because you didn't feel like fucking that night then get a different bf because that shit is not normal at all. jfc no wonder women cant progress in society when you cant even establish basic boundaries with your scrotes.

No. 403045

I don't know what shithole you're from to project such a strange unrealistic image of normal men onto your clearly fictitious examples of men but where I'm from isn't a shithole at all. I'm telling you a realistic view of men.

No. 403046

>Hetero nonas admitting that their bfs basically rape them and that they feel pressured to have sex even when they don't want to
Shiggy diggy. Straight women love yourselves challenge.

You really aren't challenging the stereotype that all hetero relationships are just rape coupled with Stockholm syndrome.

Thank God I'm Lez, thats all I can say.(infight bait)

No. 403047

good for you but how does what you said advance the topic of the discussion? we're just talking about reality.

No. 403049

I think about cheating on my bf if we haven't had sex for three days but i know it's just my cluster b personality talking and i'd probably never threaten him

No. 403058

You're probably right porn doesn't help but >>402984 is right it's not from porn addiction. This attitude is older than porn addiction. Plenty of older men, like boomers and older, believe their wife owes them sex on demand and they grew up well before the porn craze. It's more tied to women being property in their minds and the insane sense of entitlement they have over our bodies. Unless you're talking specifically about demanding nudes which I think probably is a pornsick thing.
Reading the other posts after this the discussion really went off the rails and got infighty. Like here >>402996 I don't even know why anon would pretend anyone said we have to send nudes. Reading comprehension is in the toilet. Don't come here with this twitter bicker attitude and literally make up things to be mad at and make up whole greentexts of things no one said.
I bet they literally wanted you to say "not all men" lmao. Hmm. interesting

No. 403063

Stop dating men from 4chan

No. 403065

everytime summer comes around i become extremely depressed and immediately want to cut everyone off, even if it hurts me. im fighting the urge everyday to just ghost my bf. i don’t want to be close to anyone anymore.

No. 403068

I can’t stop self sabotaging either. Everytime things are going good for me in terms of dating I get compulsions to disappear or otherwise ruin it. I don’t feel like I deserve happiness or love.

No. 403071

you seriously must be projecting.

No. 403072

If you think men raping you in a relationship is normal then yeah I’d say you’re probably dating guys from 4chan

No. 403077

You can't read. No one said that. Men who feel entitled to women did not all get that attitude from 4chan or porn; you can't avoid it by avoiding 4chan men because it's a more pervasive issue way older than 4chan or the rise in pornography. Are you trying to say that marital rape didn't exist before 4chan was invented? Make sense.
Obviously it's bad and shouldn't be tolerated in any relationship. Honestly I think it should be legal to kill your rapist but that's another topic and we're already derailing here. Just because it's bad doesn't mean it doesn't happen, women are pressured to "put out" in relationships as if they're fulfilling their end of a bargain or something all the time and it's fucked up. That's what we're discussing here, if you actually read the posts.

No. 403081

Don't waste your time replying to that person, nona. As mentioned previously, reading comprehension is poor. Your point is obvious enough.

No. 403115

File: 1717431223099.webp (23.07 KB, 1205x651, 6C57BFD6-AC08-466B-B3F1-118F3B…)

>on 2nd date with a moid from bumble
>he’s cute, good hygiene, good manners, very nice, impressive
>halfway through dinner
>it turns to politics
>uh oh here we go
>he starts talking about how women and feminism destroyed the family unit
>word for word poltard bot garbage
>talks about how much more stupid and weak and emotional women are than men
>he goes on like this for 15 minutes straight
>i stopped listening 14 minutes ago and my eyes are glazed over while I’m sipping my water but he still continues taking
>this shithead really doesn’t get the hint
>basically make up an excuse to leave, grab my breadsticks and run
>he texts me afterwards ‘what happened? i had a really nice time last night, hope we can do it again sometime smiley face

Just once nonas, I’d love to bag a normal. Just once.

No. 403116

Man you shoulda clocked out the second he started ranting about that shit, dude. If that ever happens again with another moid, get up and walk away. Otherwise it tells men "I am comfortable with this." When someone's rude to you, match their energy. Be just as rude right back.

No. 403117

I gave a guy who has a pretty obvious crush on me my number 2 days ago, but he hasn't sent anything. Should I try to contact him or just wait? I'm now doubting myself and thinking that maybe I misunderstood his advances kek. He seems like a pushover from what I've gathered, so I don't really want to pressure him to date me or something. He did give me his phone without resistance so I could write up my number though.

No. 403180

I attract these types of men like flies to shit. Honestly I want a normalfag centrist/slightly lefty husband but I always attract conservative scrotes.

No. 403191

cowardly moids should be aggressively raped(scrote tier edgy post)

No. 403193

If the crush is really that obvious (explain to us how?) then it's just the betamoid's technique of thinking he's hotshit the very nanosecond a woman leagues above him looks his way. Many men play hard to get as a mind game to make you doubt yourself and lose self esteem. Or I guess he could just be forgetful kek. Just forget him for the time being, if he likes you he will contact you inevitably.

No. 403196

he doesn't send anything because he doesn't want to seem like a creep or perv
try to initiate casual conversations if you're sure he likes you and you like him

No. 403213

Maybe I'm more upset because the weather is preventing this, but I feel like I have the right to feel as such. We haven't been official yet, but I met this guy who lives 60 miles away from me. In our first conversations, he's the kind of person I want a future with and rare for me to find a guy like this. We hit it off well the first date. The second date, we got intimate. Since then it's just been a bombardment of busy work schedule from him. His sleep schedule is fucked up because he works overnights, on top of that his family asks of him to do manual labor while he's still on a few hours of sleep. Thankfully the busy month is over, it's just I have not been able to see him in a whole month. I told him our communication felt one sided, and he apologized, he said he doesn't want me to be sad. He also explained he is trying not to be clingy, because he knows his work schedule has been busy and we haven't been able to see each other. Like, nonnas. I am willing to literally drive up to his family's house and I told him this, I have so much fucking free time and each time I think about how he sometimes just spends much of his day adjusting his sleep schedule, I start crying. One thing that's been keeping me afloat is the fact he's hoping to get a morning position at his current job doing the same thing, and if that doesn't come through, he did fill out an application to my employer to send. For one, he's not really a texter or online person, so it makes it difficult in between all this space. I've been making myself go out, the other night I went to a rave, I'm just throwing myself out there alone and it feels so isolating at the end of the day wishing he could be there with me. We've dreamt about each other more than we've seen each other and I find myself getting more sad. He reassured me June won't be like May in terms of busyness and sleep being all over the place, which April held it to be true for the time we did get to spend time together. But Lord the month of May is making me grow resentful. I have thoughts that I'm only thought of when it's convenient for him and it feels like he doesn't want to take things seriously even if the circumstances aren't in our favor right now. The comment he made a few weeks ago about how he was holding himself back from coming off as clingy keeps gripping at me right now. I WANT the clinginess tbh.

No. 403217

This situation sounds…not good nona. You’re correct in saying it’s one sided, at least that how it seems from your post. I know you don’t want to hear it, sorry, but it sounds like he is making excuses not to fully commit or demonstrate any real responsibility towards you or a relationship.

It’s highly likely that he just likes your desperation/neediness and finds it an ego boost to have a girl willing to drop everything for him. Most men never experience this so the ego stroking is very addictive for the average moid. However, it won’t make him love or respect you. Unfortunately men like this are all too common.

No. 403221

And that's probably right, I feel like I'm being taken for granted. He doesn't really do much. I'm getting the good morning and good night texts and have a wonderful day at work texts, and he's willing to help me with things over the phone but I just want to see him in person. At this point I just want to drive up to his house unannounced to prove the point of effort and if he really wanted to go out of his way, make it an inconvenience to see me, he would and he should. Am I getting breadcrumbs and holding onto them so dearly? I believe so. He called me beautiful the other night and I wish I could hear his voice.

No. 403231

A few texts a day, mentioning he dreamed of you, and him giving you a compliment once in a while doesn’t constitute a relationship nona. You could drive over there and declare your love for him, but chances are he’ll be embarrassed and try to downplay it, at best use you for sex then send you back on your way. Or worse he might even get the ick and become more distant and disinterested because you’re acting desperate. He’s feeding you crumbs and it’s sad. Chances are you’re dealing with a narc with commitment issues. Honestly his behavior sounds pretty textbook: the breadcrumbing, the vague promises of a future together but no real commitment, the constant excuses and pretending to be too busy to talk, a little bit of lovebombing here and there to keep stringing you along, only agreeing to talk to/see you on his own terms etc. Sounds like he’s loving the ego boost and is using you as narcissistic supply/a placeholder until something else comes along. Never chase a man, nona.

No. 403233

I really don't want him to turn out to be a narcissist. It feels like a failure on my part, because I've been working hard on trying to avoid getting into another relationship with one.
One thing that I notice is that I keep in mind how his past relationships ended; he described three of them as the girlfriend developing feelings for someone else. His work schedule being the reason why his girlfriend didn't want to make it work. When we started talking, he did say he'd like to make things work out, but I didn't expect it to be like this, where I'm waiting around for him to make the call on when we can hang out and he rejects my requests for us to see each other.

No. 403234

Probably everyone falls for a narcissist at some point nona. The important thing is to realize and prepare yourself or leave before they can do the devaluation/discard on you. Narcissistic men are highly attractive and alluring to women, the same way BPD women are highly attractive and alluring to men. Most people with dating experience will have fallen for one of these people, at least once in their lives. You shouldn’t feel embarrassed about it. You just need to make sure you don’t end up feeling used and abandoned once he decides to withdraw his affection and cut you off, as it’s usually extremely sudden.

No. 403236

Also, clusterbees almost always lie about how their precious relationships ended. They’ll often play victim and claim they were cheated on or abandoned, when actually they’re the ones who cheated/abandoned their partners. Or they treated their partners so shittily and neglected them so much that eventually their partners had enough and left them, and that causes a great deal of injury to the clusterbee, because they always like to be the one in control. You can never believe what they tell you about their dating history and exes because these people are allergic to the truth and will always find a way to paint others as the bad guy.

No. 403290

He did mention to me he did have a girlfriend years ago who lived across the border and he would see every month or so. And that ended because she got pregnant. So like, he's likely a chronic neglectful guy, even despite me telling him I'm "needy" and I value spending tons of time together and how I had previous boyfriends who were emotionally unavailable. If he's been trying to tell me hes not like the other guys, one month in this is almost a complete opposite of what I want in a relationship. I feel more alone and I find myself spending more hours in my days laying in bed.

No. 403318

>If the crush is really that obvious (explain to us how?)
He's been constantly eyeing me and initiates conversations every time he gets the chance to, if he sees me alone he comes to talk to me every time. I talked to my friend about him and she agreed that he has a pretty obvious crush on me.
I would be pretty surprised if he's playing some kind of mind game, I haven't gotten men like that for aeons after I grew a backbone. I'm not even sure if he registered that I have his phone number, I just called my number from his phone to check if I wrote the number right.

No. 403369

>he described three of them as the girlfriend developing feelings for someone else
Well yeah, no shit they developed feelings for other people if this guy never talked to or met up with them kek.
LDRs are one thing, but you live like an hour away from each other, right? You could see each other every day if you have as much freetime as it sounds like you do. He's probably using you for free attention and validation like the other nona said. If he isn't, then he's just lazy as fuck.
Drop him and find a guy that actually wants to see you. If a man is actually into you, he makes time for you, even if it's just to take a nap beside you after working in the coal mines for 16 hours or whatever your moid does.

No. 403379

I'm in a love triangle situation and have no idea what to do. Idk why people romanticize this in media its just conflicting and annoying and is a huge weight on my shoulders. Guy 1 is older than me, in his mid 20s, has a good stable job, is fully sane, has way more experience and thus his love feels more deep and genuine, but I'm not fully physically attracted to him. Guy 2 is a couple months younger than me, still a teen boy (19), and is a total loser who isnt the smartest (far from) and is kinda bpd but I feel a lot for him and we like the same music and have the same dreams. Both of them pressure me to be with them and then apologize and back off when I tell them I need to be single. both care about me idk what to do

No. 403381

This entire situation sounds immature as fuck. Just drop both. The guy in his mid 20s is a freak for going for a girl who's 19 to 20 and also cringe for even getting involved in a "love triangle", and the younger one sounds like a retard.

No. 403382

When you told them you want to be single they should have both backed off. It's weird and disrespectful if they're still pestering you after you said no. Real life is not a romance novel or YA fiction. Failure to listen to your words makes them bad. Ghost them / block them / avoid them.

No. 403405

If you want to be single you want to be single. And a mid 20s guy wanting to date a 19 y/o is sus.

No. 403421

Is it over if I love my bf and like having sex with him but am not particularly sexually attracted to him?

No. 403432

It should be. You deserve better.

No. 403436

Have you talked to him about it?

No. 403439

nta but, "I love you babe, but I wish you were more physically attractive" probably isn't gonna go over well

No. 403442

That's like so many women. Your choice whether everything else he brings into the relationship is good enough to make up for the lack of sexual attraction.

No. 403450

When I'm having a conversation centered around conflict (or a fight, whatever you want to call it), what I can't stand is that it takes me at least 1-2 business days to actually process whatever the other person said.

This means I have a delayed reaction and then it's exhausting because it takes like 3-5 days to hash out what could have been 1 conversation. I know I'm likely very retarded and dumb due to this. How can I get better at this? Sometimes I think of responding in the argument, but then I get scared I'll say something cruel/rude/something that will fan the flames. I wait. Then I realize how I want to respond to the other person. But wait, it's been a whole day! When I've brought it up again, I feel like it just leads to terrible outcomes because the other person feels like I'm not letting x issue go or whatever and I feel blindsided because I don't know what I think about something until it's been a day or so. I feel like I drag things out, but it's not intentional. Is there any way to remedy this?

My partner is also more than likely has an avoidant attachment style and I hate how when I talk about an issue I have, he always hijacks it with some issue he has with me. He's always been like this. I've encouraged him to talk to me about his issues so we can address them in a devote conversation, but it doesn't work. It's like he only knows how to bring up issues if I bring up something first. I don't believe this is intentional on his part, I think he just does it without realizing it. He's vey much a person who crams their feelings down. Is there a guide for people who don't know how to talk about their emotions?

No. 403467

I had the same thing. It got better over time as I learned more about myself. Not as much of a problem now in my 30s so maybe if you're young you can look forward to that? No advice for how to deal with it, I was constantly just blankfacing during the fight and then two days later realizing this or that about it then never brining it up again because it's 2 fuckin days later. If it's something you're really hurt by you can act on it of course (like if you realize someone was really bad to you in a relationship, just leave; you don't have to talk about it and give them a chance to manipulate you) of if it needs to be talked about just explain you have this delayed reaction and if they care about you they'll listen.

No. 403482

How the fuck can you not be sexually attracted to someone you love and like having sex with?

No. 403490

For real. It's boggling. Romantic feelings always include physical attraction, that's always part of it, but somehow girls have been psyoped to forget that. If you don't have physical attraction it's not romantic love it's friendship.
Like we all know those bodice-rippers are unrealistic for many reasons (questionable plots and fantasies etc) but the part where romantic love involves feelings of wanting to kiss his face off and tear his clothes off or getting lost in an embrace because you love the feel of his body against yours is 100% what you should be getting when you get down with your nigel. If you're not attracted to him it's just not meant to be. That's a friend. I'm sure a friend could get you off if he tried but why put up with that if you want a real romantic relationship?

No. 403492

If you like having sex with him, then you’re probably overthinking

No. 403493

Coomer mindset. Never in my lifetime have I been sexually attracted to anyone, never have I had the desire to have sex with anyone, and yet I have experienced love so intense that I would have died for it without a second thought, love that I still can't get over even decades later. Friendships are nothing in comparison to romantic love.

No. 403501

He might be ugly but have a huge girthy cock? Idk. Come back nona and enlighten us

No. 403506

I think you're just undervaluing friendship and platonic love if you think it has to be romantic to be that intense. possibly some moid is taking advantage of your capacity for intense love if you're fucking a guy you're not attracted to but I'm speculating there – if you think having sex with someone you're not attracted to is part of love you're being exploited.

No. 403508

Thats nice but please understand your case is the exception not the rule
Asexuality is very rare and unusual
The main evolutionary point of relationships is to make people horny then have a family together, your case is the abnormal one, no offense nona.

This. I could never date a man I wasn't physically and sexually attracted to. Men would never bother dating someone they weren't lustful towards, so why should I? Besides, men are pretty garbage in general, I've never met one that had a really good personality. All men have to offer is genetic material anyway so if they aren't good looking I'm not interested in anything they do or say.

No. 403509

That nona is just a cuck. She's over-humanizing and romanticizing men, and assigning depth and goodness to them where it doesn't really exist. No man would bother being her friend let alone give her the chance of a relationship if he wasn't attracted to her but she hasn't realized this yet, despite men openly admitting it all the time. Poor naive nona.

No. 403514

>Men would never bother dating someone they weren't lustful towards
Nta but they do sometimes, though usually if they have hidden motives and/or are closeted, but still it's possible.

No. 403517

Actually I think I was a little mean because if someone wants to just fuck her friend for release (assuming she’s not putting up with unwanted sex) and never have actual sexual attraction in her relationships it doesn’t sound that bad, but I think most people would want to experience physical attraction and I think there should be a distinction

No. 403560

do asexual but otherwise ‘normal’ men actually exist irl?

No. 403561

im asking this because im curious if any nonas have ever dated an asexual man. i want to know how it went.
i desire romance and affection and a relationship but ive realized i will never be comfortable enough to be sexually intimate with another person irl.

No. 403569

File: 1717563738430.jpg (119.96 KB, 720x513, 5ee60b963caf16e187fbd35940241e…)

I need some nonas to just hear me out, or knock some sense into me, especially since this thread has been on the topic of LDRs a bit. I've been in an LDR for a little under two years now and I feel like it's started running its course. I don't have many people I can talk to about it, but I think I'm feeling it in my heart and probably have for a long time before I could even acknowledge it, and some reassurance that I'll be happier once I'm out of it would be appreciated.

Honestly the relationship was solid for the most part until these past few months. The first year was pure honeymoon phase, getting to know each other, gushing over one another, tons of laughing and late nights in call together. We've had some issues here and there, and he broke up with me once in the fall. We got back together, met up in person multiple times, and things have been (mostly) good.

The issue is these last few months. He used to have an off day or two here and there where he'd be more distant and a less affectionate than usual. I'd chalk this up to him being busy and tired out, and he'd always go back to his normal behavior. But it's been happening so freqeuntly lately and nonas, I'm tired. He's started getting so cold. It really started after one of our trips - when I came home, I wanted to apologize and talk a little, as I'd cried when I was there. TLDR we were hanging out with his family and his brother raised his voice with me and it freaked me out, and I just started crying. It sucked, it was embarrassing, and I just wanted to talk it out a little bit. But when I brought it up he just shut down. Got very cold, short, and unemotional, like he was annoyed I was mentioning it. So I stopped, and since then I feel like I've been walking on eggshells ever since I have any sort of issue. It never used to be like this. We used to be able to talk so openly, I could share my feelings or concerns or thoughts and we'd discuss everything with each other and comfort one another. And I keep hoping that's going to come back, but I don't think it is.

My car broke down recently, and when I expressed how frustrated I was over it and cried a little, he once again turned off. Instead of comforting me he got silent and made it very clear he was annoyed. Another week, we spent almost every day in call on a new game we were playing, and despite saying how much fun he was having over text, in call he was just… dead silent, short, completely different to how he normally is. Something was clearly up, but when I asked what was up he said no, so I dropped it. And eventually he just went back to normal again.

Since these moments started happening I've just had so much anxiety, and there were some periods of time where I've been crying almost every night, just so exhausted and confused and stressed out over what was happening. Trying to act normal when we talked but feeling like he was going to just break up with me again at any moment. But I guess I've had my breaking point. I found out an old friend of mine passed a couple weeks ago, and when I mentioned it to him and how I was feeling a little sentimental and sad, he just said "Awww, I'm sorry." and then… moved on. I'm not looking for sympathy, but jfc the lack of… empathy, interest, care, any sort of normal reaction fucked with my head and I've realized I'm done. At this point it feels like I'm just waiting for him to have one more of his weird little weeks so I can bring this all up and be done with it. I didn't realize how much this relationship has drained me these past few years until now. I fought so hard for it, fought so hard when he broke up with me, and now I can't understand why. I have been so scared to be alone and feeling so insecure, but I don't think this is helping me. I'm so sick of feeling scared to bring anything up, to have issues, to talk to my partner. I know it isn't right, I know it isn't what I want in a relationship. I just need to hear that I'll be better off. I am so scared to be 30 and single and start over again. I am so worried about how much I've actually been damaged by this relationship when I look back at it. I need to know it'll be better.

Also sorry for reposting this like three times but formatting bothered me and I am anxious

No. 403572

>I am so scared to be 30 and single
I'm 32 and I've been single my whole life, kek. However, I will say one thing: I've noticed you seem to cry quite a bit. Not saying it's bad or that you shouldn't, but it might be worth looking into this. Tears of frustration is one thing, crying almost every night from anxiety is another. That being said, dump him and work on yourself.

No. 403575

LDRs are a complete waste of time unless you move in together within a year of talking. Youre both clearly not very happy in this situation, and he's already dumped you before anyway, so just break it off so at least you have the final say. Dating at 30 isn't a big deal, there's tons of single men around that age who really want a gf.

No. 403579

>I've been single my whole life
Should you really be itt giving advice when you have no relationship experience?

No. 403580

>there's tons of single men around that age who really want a gf
True, but many 30+ single men are picky incels who think they deserve a 18 year old Stacy. Not that I care, because that 18 year old Stacy will never fall into their lap and they'll die alone anyway, its good they have high standards kek.

No. 403581

no i feel like she has it all figured out

No. 403582

Are observers not allowed to comment?

No. 403602

NTA but you can see enough recurring relationship issues and red flags throughout the years in others and comment on how it's clearly bad. It's good to have an outside perspective from that nona.

No. 403652

>get emotionally/physically intimate with a moid
>immediately disgusted afterwards for allowing myself to be vulnerable (especially with a MOID, ew)
>just want to ghost them and run away (and usually do)
>the more they want to continue things the bigger ick I get and the more I want to run away
I feel like a commitment phobe moid

No. 403656

I am a hypocrite because I have extreme trust issues with men, but I've also cheated on every single bf I've ever had. Not fucking other guys always, sometimes I just have emotional affairs or date someone else for a few weeks while dating my bf, but I cannot stop using dating apps, adding random men, seeking external validation, sexting, having flings, sharing pics, meeting up with other men, making out, confiding in them, getting close to them emotionally and seeing them more than my bf, falling in 'love' making them fall in love with me etc. The worst part is I don't even feel particularly bad about it, I almost feel like my bfs deserve it and am somewhat happy when they find out and become devastated. I use any excuse to do it, too. I found out my bf was still watching porn behind my back, so that made me think fuck it, I'll cheat on him. I wonder what's wrong with me. I suspect I have some kind of cluster B disorder or maybe sociopathy. I don't even feel genuine guilt or particularly want to stop.

No. 403658

based department??? that's some stacy shit.

No. 403661

Porn use while in a relationship is cheating. You shouldn't feel bad.

Reminder your bf would do the exact same to you if he had the options. It's just that most moids don't. So they cheat on their gfs vicariously through porn use.

Men who have options always cheat irl.

No. 403665

Well, I think you should stop dating anyone until you resolve your extreme trust issues with men, but since you don't care to stop or feel guilty, well…

No. 403667

You probably should learn to get a handle on your behaviour because it doesn't sound healthy, but watching porn in a relationship is cheating too soooo you shouldn't feel bad about that.

No. 403670

>calling cluster B whore behavior "stacy shit"

No. 403671

Seethe, moid.

No. 403680

You really need to tell him exactly how you feel and if he acts cold and uncaring still then he can fuck off, he's already broken up with you once but then treats you like shit, not cool
i know the replies are like "omg stacy shit" but it sounds like youre addicted or obsessed with male attention which is..not good. find a hobby

No. 403681

It kind of sounds like you feel compelled to do this and aren't really enjoying it. Is that the case? You seem troubled by your actions even if you don't feel guilty. Probably worth meditating on it and finding the root issue. Start with the trust issues you mentioned I guess. I think being a hypocrite is probably the least of your problems. This all could be some kind of projection. Or maybe it's as simple as you've never found an actually faithful man so you never really feel like being faithful to them. Who knows only you can find out

No. 403693

you need therapy. it's not normal to worship moids.

No. 403697

There’s nothing wrong with this. Men deserve to suffer lol.

No. 403723

This'll probably come back and bite you in the ass someday.

No. 403727

Not her but how would it?

No. 403734

I almost dated an asexual guy, but I learned that the reason why he was asexual was because he jerked off to a certain type of porn (vore) from a young age and he could only get off to that one thing. Be careful when dating a man who identifies as asexual, he may just be mindbroken due to a very niche type of porn.

No. 403735

NTA but OP is a reckless retard, so it's doubtful she picks the most well adjusted men in the world to fuck around with. Cheating on a scrote who may or may not beat her to death over it for shits and giggles is a dumb idea. Anons here who call her based or cheer her on for making men "suffer" are stupid as shit. She turned herself into a prostitute to get male validation or attention or whatever other brainlet narc reasons she has for doing this. In the end, the only one who will suffer is her for putting herself in dangerous situations, all because letting herself get used as a hole by random moids to make another moid upset seemed funny to her.

No. 403747

t. Nona’s boyfriend.

No. 403749

>beat her to death
>calling women holes

Sure smells like scrotum in here…

No. 403751

i already posted in the breakup thread that i was considering it but should i break up with my bf of five years because he’s a johnny depp stan? it feels like too big of a red flag to ignore. he doesn’t even deny depp is an abuser, he just acts like it’s cool because “amber heard is psychotic.” it’s not our only issue but this feels like the cherry on top of a cake made of diarrhea.

No. 403754

>disapproving of women whoring themselves out and doing dangerous shit because they're addicted to moid attention is now scrote behavior
Jfc the absolute state of lolcow these days.

Do it, but be aware that he's likely going to take notes from his idol and also act like you're psychotic after you break up. Have a good exit strategy planned out so you can easily grab your stuff and run far away from him to minimize the drama.

No. 403758

I would break up for him just for being gay. Who the fuck dates someone who simps for another celebrity male kek. Your bf is a fag.

No. 403759

Your language makes it clear you have a dick lol. No woman refers to other woman as holes or has fantasies about her bf beating her to death.

No. 403767

When did I have fantasies about her getting beat to death kek? It might happen because men are apes and she's deliberately pushing their buttons. Also, I said she is letting herself get used as a hole, not that she is one. Please practice your reading comprehension before the next time you accuse someone of being a scrote

No. 403773

Your language is still scrotey as fuck, either r moid or a whole bunch of internalized misogyny you clearly have

No. 403778

>Cheating on a scrote who may or may not beat her to death over it
>she's deliberately pushing their buttons.
PSA if you actually make decisions about wether or not you cheat on a guy based on concerns he might kill you, you are in an abusive relationship. That's not a normal concern. Normally you just break up. Also, it's never a woman's fault if a scrote rages out and commits homicide; even if he finds out she fucked a hundred other men and then he kills her, no one in their right mind would sum that up as "well obviously it's because she pushed his buttons". I hope the poster above me isn't a woman because if so "she" has an extremely buckbroken worldview.

No. 403806

fortunately we’ve been in a long-distance relationship for most of it, so that’s not a worry, but i’m still sure he’s going to paint me as the psycho to our few mutual acquaintances. he tried to defend himself but he ultimately said he “likes” hitler too so uh. yeah. not sure how that was supposed to help his case kek. i’m sad because it was such a long relationship and i’m a dumbfuck who thought he was ~the one~ but with all the shit he said over the past 24 hours, i know i should just be relieved.
tbh i had the same thought. imagine simping so hard for a celebrity, you’re willing to overlook and justify abuse.

No. 403814

Why am I so miserable in every relationship I get into? I know the problem is most likely with me, but I never feel happy or fulfilled with any man I date, or if I do, it ends very quickly.

I start finding flaws about their behavior and personalities and become so irritated and turned off by them that I start to hate them. It doesn’t help that most of the men I’ve ended up with turned out to be quite objectively shitty (I know since sharing details of certain things they did most people agree with me they were out of line) But I guess that might be because I’m also not giving out good energy and am attracting these people?

I honestly feel like Heather kek, relationships just make me depressed and I feel like men drag me down and make me unhappier than I’m supposed to be. I genuinely feel better and happier when I’m single, but I also get lonely and crave affection and sometimes dick too. Idk what to do anymore.

No. 403829

File: 1717638946421.mp4 (1.2 MB, 576x1024, secret.mp4)

>bf encourages me to get on disability because my ptsd from rape trauma is crippling at the time due to having to be around men constantly
>i quit work and get on disability within a year then move in with him
>completely financially supported by him because he makes six figures
>literally a month into living together i find porn on his pc
>he told me he was antiporn before we started dating
>wouldve never dated him if i had known the truth
>he apologizes and promises to change so i stay with him because i love him
>find porn again a year later, process of grief repeats itself
>then find it again another year later
>it got progressively more degen
>had rapey shit that traumatized me further
>broke up with him
>still living together but barely speaking
>he went into therapy for sex addiction and is respecting my privacy
>he feels horrible and spends every day moping and meditating
>still being supported by him

What the fuck do I do? Now I am afraid that if I try to go back into the workforce, I will experience that all over again and then I'll be unable to get back on disability. So I stay on it to at least have some sort of guarantee of something because it's better than the possibility of fucking my life up further (especially after this) on top of possibly having no money at all. I don't have to pay rent, he pays for my expensive and much-needed therapy, and he genuinely supports me staying here for free even though we've broken up. I have offered to pay him rent with my disability money and he refuses to accept it. I tried giving him back his debit card when I broke up with him but he insisted that I keep it because "I deserve and need it" more than him, and so on. So I've been using it to buy necessities but I'm too scared to do anything more because I already feel very ashamed for existing so to do this to someone I have no obligations to makes me feel extremely guilty.

It's not some kind of fucked up long-game manipulation thing either where he's just hoping to make me even more dependent or something, although I understand if that's hard to believe. One of the main reasons he supports me financially is because he loves my art and encouraged me to puruse it full time. Still, I don't know what to do. I am perfectly fine being platonic roommates with someone who fucked up but still loves me a lot and wants to take care with me, in theory, even with my guilt. Realistically I know this isn't totally sustainable because it's just… sad, I guess. But part of me wonders if we can just keep this going for as long as possible while pursuing other avenues (e.g. going back to school or finding jobs that have minimal exposure to men). I don't even give a fuck if he wants to have sex with other women either, as long as I'm taken care of. He could watch porn for all I care because he's not my boyfriend and especially not my son and he's already shown his true colors in that department. This is all extremely pathetic of me, all of it, and I'm deeply aware of this, but does anyone have like…any advice whatsoever. Anything. Literally anything. Whether you want me to milk this situation for as long as possible or get the fuck out of here immediately, just anything.

Also let this be a lesson to never make the mistake of becoming dependent on men. I feel pretty trapped now and my options feel like I have to either live a weird double life and make the most of it or fuck my life up by leaving without a security net.

No. 403831

did you really made yourself disabled to be the bangmaid of some run of the mill and porn addicted moid…i'm logging off

No. 403832

I didn't "make myself" disabled, I was raped prior to ever meeting him which made me struggle to work. So, because he has money, after a couple years of dating, he told me I could live with him and be supported by him. This seemed much more preferable, and quite frankly was more preferable, until the porn reveals. But yes I am stupid regardless and I accept this and I am done dating/having sex in general.

No. 403833

and you fear men so much that you made yourself the bangmaid of one? make it make sense

No. 403836

Clearly it was a stupid as fuck choice, but she clearly understands that now, so rubbing her nose in it is purely an act for your own pleasure and gratification

No. 403837

Yeah, unfortunately I was/am extremely vulnerable and when men can "prove" to me that they are not evil irl I become very gullible once my initial paranoia subsides, which led to me becoming very attached to him because I have a false sense of protection. I don't know, I know it's stupid. I'm not proud of it. I regret it. But for context I was also barely of legal age when we started dating and he was 24. I was very naive, still am but I'm getting better.


Thank you. I have no one I feel comfortable enough talking to this about except my therapist so hearing this said so clearly helps a lot. Started tearing up, sincerely thank you.

No. 403838

Men who watch porn, particularly violent, sadistic or rapey porn, are literally unsalvageable and should be thrown to the wolves at all costs. My porn addicted ex would mostly just look at softcore and nudes, and that was bad enough.
The fact that he knows you were raped and so traumatized by it that you couldn’t handle day to day life and had to go on disability, yet still continued jacking off to simulated (I hope?) rape and having mind blowing orgasms to the thing that ruined your life tells you everything you need to know: he was and is a bad person who prioritizes his orgasms over your mental health. You don’t have to tolerate traits in a person that hurt and traumatize you deeply just because they also happen to have some good or decent traits, and nor should you.
Get as far away from this man as possible and take back control of your life. Whether you need therapy, medication etc, all of those are better and safer crutches than living under the same roof as a man who literally gets off to seeing women being assaulted and hurt.

No. 403839

Also sorry I deleted my first post because of some errors.

Yelling at traumatized people through the internet doesn’t fix them anon. The girl deserves some understanding.

No. 403841

>I was also barely of legal age when we started dating and he was 24
Every. Single. Time.
Men who target barely legal girls are always scumbags. It goes way beyond just having a preference for the aesthetics of young girls. It’s completely predatory behavior and a consistently proven massive red flag for being a manipulative opportunistic cumbrained piece of garbage.

No. 403842

ok then i understand. it also happened to me because i was naive and kind of retarded too, and seems like that moid was taking advantage of you from the beginning. life is not over nonna, being single and lonely will always be better than wasting time with rape apes. the fact that he knew about your trauma and still jacked off to THAT category of porn is disgusting. you don't have any familiars or friend that may help you?

No. 403844

My mother has offered to let me stay with her but it's across the state and would prevent me from being able to see friends of mine, along with irl sessions with my therapist. I have been spending a lot of time crashing at my friend's lately so I should probably start giving more thought towards staying there in the long-term, I just feel horribly ashamed and embarrassed of my situation to the point I've basically been acting like nothing has happened even though I feel destroyed. I'm glad you understand, I'm sorry it happened to you as well. I don't really blame you for being on the offense earlier, it's always hard to not dunk on people who are doing the same retarded things you've already learned your lesson from yknow.

It's alright nonnie, and I appreciate your words a lot.

No. 403847

Nona, you were groomed by this man, do you realize this? He was older than you, you were a teenager, a vulnerable teenager with a shitload of trust issues and trauma, and he encouraged you to quit working and go on disability so you would be home all day and he could isolate and keep tabs on you.

He probably loved the fact that you were a scared anxious wreck and that he could position himself as one of the only people you could rely on or trust: classic grooming strategy.

It's literally all just a control thing. He basically coaxed you into a sex-for-rent situation. Many pedos and predators are perfectly happy to pay a young girls way and give them a place to stay one exchange for sex. All scrotes care about is access to your young body. He tried to frame the situation as him 'taking care of you' again classic groomer behavior. He wasn't taking care of you, he was a pedo/coomer who groomed you and was ensuring his own exclusive access to your teenage body and vulnerable mind.

No. 403848

He is aware he made you financially dependent on him by suggesting you stop working and he’d take care of you. Yes you agreed to this and it was a preferable setup at the time but he knows it puts you at a disadvantage to not have your own income. He must still have some affection for you as well as considerable disposable income to be supporting you still which is good because you could be out on the street right now or across the state at your moms. Don’t waste the good luck. You should stay if you don’t mind it until you have a safety net of money built up. Take cash out with his debit card every day and deposit it in your own bank account. I’m not joking, I’m not being edgy. You should do this. Whatever amount you think he will not comment on (you pick the number but try to take out at least $500 per week) up to the max if he’s really rolling in it. Like you said he makes six figures. This is the liar tax.

No. 403851

There are millions of women around the world who have been raped, had thing so horrendous happen to them too. I'm not saying your trauma is unfounded, but you made yourself fully dependent on a man,but couldn't work because of men? Fully put yourself at the mercy of this guy, but couldn't interact in public at a job??Did you save any bit of your disability money just in case? I'm hoping so. Anyway, if you want to get out of this you could get off disability or use social services to job hunt, but staying dependent on the system is guaranteed only scraping by, miserable existence. Working is the better way out, even if you find a way to get into a temp service or training. In the meantime, if you're still staying there, squirrel away money from even a part time job so you can dump him for good and get out of there. Tell him you're sick of doing nothing, hence the job. Sell things you don't need. Use the resources available through other social programs. It's not going to be easy but it's better than depending on people that can and will fuck you over.
I've been through some hideous things myself, the idea of putting my life at the mercy of a man terrified me too much to rely on one.
Or you could just forgive him, be taken care of until he's sick of you,dumps you, maybe cheats even, since he doesn't mind lusting after other women anyway. Deal with him jerking off to porn because he knows he's got you stuck while he becomes numb and needs nastier shit to get off. I'm sorry anon, I really am but it's a gross ugly world and you can only rely on yourself. Hopefully you get out of there and eventually have your own place and own money, never having to settle. First step is to talk to disability services and see what getting off of disability and into a trade/training/education or job can happen. The other anon who suggested squirreling away money from him, yeah that's a great way to make him feel like he's the victim, being used for money in his sick moid head. Terrible idea, nothing worse than a moid knowing you're trying to use HIS money to leave him, I highly suggest not escalating things like that because then he can just say "get your shit and get out" or other typical male vindictiveness. It might even be best to go stay with family and start over.

No. 403852

I wanna post a scrote that I want anons to judge if he is ugly-hot or just ugly-ugly cause I want to smash since he has a big d and is obsessed with me.
Will you nonnies talk me out of it please?

No. 403853

no you should do it

No. 403854

>The other anon who suggested squirreling away money from him, yeah that's a great way to make him feel like he's the victim, being used for money in his sick moid head.
Who cares. Not her problem. I don’t think he’s the master manipulator the other anons are trying to make him out to be. He’s a 20-some year old guy who’s going to therapy because his gf dumped him, he’s not that scary. She absolutely should take his money. She should take out as much as possible as fast as possible if she thinks it will upset him and make him kick her out.

No. 403856

>along with irl sessions with my therapist
You can do therapy over Zoom, I did it once with mine when she couldn't make it to our appt.

No. 403858

These are the most reasonable replies yet in my opinion. I agree that you need to take advantage of the safety net that you have while building up the resources and resilience that will allow you to leave and live your own life. I also agree that he's almost certainly not some complete monster even though the situation led to you being dependent and vulnerable. I'm not sure how long you can get away with withdrawing $500 a week, but I don't have any better ideas. But either way, you need to face reality, accept that your situation is untenable in the long term, and start working toward a solution. It would be really easy to put off doing the hard work of trying to develop the social skills to deal with holding a normal job since there is no real urgency (he's not threatening to kick you out tomorrow or anything), but it will be the best thing you could possibly do for yourself to be proactive and start getting your life in order now.

No. 403860

post him

No. 403861

She also should not be spending ANY of her disability check while she lives with him, that should all go straight in her savings. Everything should be going on his card. I bet she still cleans and cooks and shops for mutual groceries. She can get $100 cash-back whenever she goes grocery shopping if she wants to hide it, it’s not like he would notice.

No. 403865

The cash back thing is 100% a great idea. nona please take note

No. 403899

How important is a man's career to you guys? How much should he be expected to contribute financially? The guy I'm talking to is pursuing a difficult and "noble" career path that doesn't have job security or guaranteed decent salaries (think public defenders or college professors). So he's neither lazy nor dumb but maybe too much of a bleeding heart. Would you guys see a future with a man who may expect you to go 50/50 (or more)? From what I can see, he does do chores. Personality is important to me, I have never been able to get along with finance bro types. But I also don't want to put myself in a bad situation while I have options.

No. 403907

No. 403911

My opinion is in the extreme fringe but I've always wanted to stay 100% independent from my partner (ie never even moving in together) and I don't want to be provided, so I don't really care about his job as long as he's not unemployed or in retail.

No. 403922

Not really a financial concern because I can make my own money. Even if he makes a million dollars a year I would still loathe a man who wanted me to cook & clean for him. If this is a real guy you should consider whether his passion for his career is on the workaholic side and will leave less room for you in his life. Because if you are the financial backbone in the relationship but he spends 80% of his time on his job and not with you that's a bad deal.

No. 403928

There are construction workers who will spend all their money on you, there are doctors who will throw hissy fits if you want a date at a proper restaurant. The personality trait of “generosity” is just as important as his income. If he wants to spoil you he will find a way. There’s a reason women who primarily date for money go for techies and not medicals, because money made fast is easier spent. And by 50/50 I don’t know what you mean. Will you pay for his car? I would NEVER spend money on a man, as a rule. I would recommend keeping your finances separate if he’s going to be chronically poor. We can go 50/50 on our child’s education for example, but his stuff is his problem. My money is mine. How much do you love him?

No. 403931

I like to make more and ideally be the sole provider so I have power over the man and he relies on me to survive.

No. 403933

What do you want in life beyond "does he pay my coffee for me today?" and how much do you earn yourself? What kind of financial means and living standards do you want for yourself and can you do that combining your and his salary? For me my goals around getting out of renting and purchasing our own property are very important and wouldn't be realistically possible on that kind of "noble job" salary. And it doesn't look like living costs are going to go down in the foreseeable future either so setting yourself up for some level of financial robustness is a wise thing to do imo.

No. 403950

Good idea in theory, but in reality you need to make sure he isn't the kind of retard who would jerk off all day and play video games while you're at work.

No. 403952

This, or flirt with other women in online games and watch increasingly degenerate porn…

No. 403956

Imagine you come from work to see your husband in his crusty gamer chair. Without turning his head to look at you he says "Welcome home, honey. What's for dinner?" You instantly kill him.

No. 403959

>lower middle class men who treats you well and you truly love
>rich man who you have feelings for but not completely sure about, has shown signs of toxicity
Which one do you choose?

No. 403964

The first one. How is this a question? Are you a character in Bridgerton?
Aside from the choice being obvious there’s truly not enough money in the world to make the second guy worth being around if he’s already showing signs that he’s trash so I wouldn’t pick him even if the first guy didn’t exist.

No. 403966

My thinking is that if I marry and have kids with the first one and it doesn’t work it, I’m screwed. Not the case with the second one

No. 403978

Both (I will cheat)

No. 403990

>you come home after a long day at work
>the room smells of sweat and cum
>he hasn't left his gamer chair all day, except to take a dump that he then forgot to flush
>"Finally you're home, I'm starving"
>you both dine and he expects you to laugh at his retarded voice impression of the newest League champion
>you ask if he had the time to watch the movie you suggested because you want to bond with him more
>he says that he forgot, then changes the topic to hint that you haven't had sex in several days
>due to his sexuality being broken by porn consumption, to you sex with him is long hours of labor for little to no reward
>you tell him that he should at least do the dishes first
>he gets annoyed and tells you that you're suffocating him with unreasonable demands and suppressing the real him
>he storms off and begins complaining about you to a Discord contact that he swears he treats like a male friend, even though she is a woman
>you fall asleep from exhaustion in sheets that, despite several reminders, he has neglected changing for a week

No. 404013

Someone who is a truly a good and caring person would do everything in their power to pay child support and give their kids the best life they can, even if they're lower to middle class. Just because a man is rich doesn't mean that he would help his family. Lots of wealthy men find ways to weasel their way out of paying child support because they're pieces of shit. Also, why would you curse your future children for life with a terrible father? I guess there are some men who are bad partners but decent fathers but in the vast majority of cases, if he's toxic to you then he's going to be toxic to the kids.

No. 404021

Why not both?
I genuinely don’t see what’s wrong with having a financial bf and a sexual/emotional bf at the same time.

No. 404023

>implying you need to be a master manipulator to take advantage of and groom a mentally traumatized teenage girl
Lol, really now? If thousands of 60 IQ goatherders in Rotherham could do it, I don’t see why other more intelligent men couldn’t also.

No. 404032

I’m pretty shallow. So for me, looks and personality is much more important than career. I don’t really care about money. Most rich men are pretty ugly and stingy anyway and I don’t like the resentment and IOU kind of dynamic that builds up when a man is handing over cash. It feels quite toxic. I can make my own money I don’t need a man’s. As long as he is hot, has a big dick, and has a good personality then that’s all I need. I would rather date a Chad bum than an ugly or mid millionaire.

No. 404045

Usually you’re more screwed with the second one because he convinces you to quit your job and he’ll “take care of you” financially (trap you) while you’re raising the kids and that makes a lot of sense since you are taking on the burden of pregnancy etc, so you do it “temporarily” only it’s not temporary and then you never get out from under him. Plus you just said he’s showing signs of being bad so it’s doomed, you shouldn’t ignore that.

No. 404060

does it still apply if the situation is reversed

No. 404169

i am starting to think my bf is narcissist, he meets almost all of the listed criteria. most likely a covert type as opposed to grandiose. what are the dangers of having a relationship with a covert narc? i think he’s been subtly trying to chip away at my confidence for a while but because i have pretty good self esteem it doesn’t really work on me. he also does this weird thing where he tries to act tough and assert himself as more attractive/cool/badass when we’re around other people than he really is, even though i know he really has a ton of self loathing. then again this could just be generic moid behavior? ive heard narcs are prone to cheating or ghosting their partners. have any nonas had a relationship with a covert narcissist? what were your experiences like?

No. 404208

I never, ever armchair diagnose a guy. No point. What matters is how he treats you and if you like him. If you found out tomorrow that he had a certificate on his wall that said 100% Certified Covert Narcissist, would it actually change anything that had happened between you or anything you do moving forward? If he's trying to chip away at your self confidence, cut him loose. He sounds shit.

No. 404254

You should have communicated that to him from day one, you two are incompatible and you should break up.

No. 404255

Im not even trying to be a dickhead but anon this is your fault. If it's been a problem since day 1 you should've said something instead of letting it go on for a year, or just don't get into a relationship with someone you only want to be friends with.

No. 404256

Next time you should set clear boundaries from the start.

No. 404318

i've been with my bf for nearly 5 years and dated women exclusively before meeting him. we had some rough patches brought on by a lack of communication and unwillingness to tell the other if something was wrong. our communication is a lot stronger now but sometimes it feels like it's actually bringing the relationship down.

i was sexually assaulted by a close male (mutual) friend about 2 years ago - long story short, it took speaking to a friend who was there that night to realise that i was raped and didn't just cheat (as i was unconscious for most of the night and didn't remember a thing), but i will absolutely take responsibility for flirting with him and kissing him prior to that night. no justifying it, i was looking for affection/attention/the feeling of being wanted that was lacking with my bf, but i know i should have communicated this better before even considering the alternative. we worked through this but i didn't open up about the realisation that it was rape until about 4 months ago, to which my bf didn't believe me at first and after a second discussion seemed weirdly relieved that it wasn't just cheating. somehow worse to me to think that he just considered it as 'my gf was assaulted but at least she didn't cheat!' and it really upset me.

i've withdrawn from a lot of physical contact, affection, sex etc. since then and i'm very aware of it. we talked about it the other night as our relationship before our conversation about the SA was very affectionate and loving, and i'm really trying harder to show him that i do love him. the issue for him seems to be mostly sex. sometimes it just feels like he wants it on his terms; my sex drive is virtually 0 since that SA conversation and whilst i really want to be enthusiastic about it, i remind myself that saying no is okay and i don't need a reason, but he only takes it as a flat 'no' and sometimes i think if i don't justify it with 'sorry, i've just had a long day at work' or 'not now, i'm cooking dinner' he'll be upset. i tried to initiate it the other night after finally gaining back some confidence but he declined because he needed to shower. i notice that a lot of his affection seems to be geared towards sex, like grabbing my ass or boobs, which is not unusual at all but it starts to feel transactional, like he only does it because he wants something from it.

i told him this, that i was struggling with my self-image and with the general idea that men just see women as a fuckable piece of meat, and he got upset and defensive. i've been working on giving him comfy massages in bed, more kisses, rubbing the back of his hand when we sit together on the sofa, etc. but he seems to just focus on touching my thighs or ass or something else. today he gave me a lift home from work and didn't even kiss or hug me, but because i was wearing a skirt with no tights, started caressing further and further up my thigh once we sat down, and it's just really got to me idk. i don't want to feel like we exist together as platonic roommates until he's horny, and i especially don't want to feel like the one day that i choose to wear a skirt in MONTHS is somehow 'inviting' his advances, because that's the same 'asking for it' mentality that i've tried so hard to get rid of but it feels especially shit when it starts being associated with your partner

i do love him and i appreciate him working harder to better our relationship in other areas. i told him that if the lack of sex was making him resentful towards our relationship, i would be fine with him seeking that out for himself, but he was upset and angry at the fact that i 'seemed completely detached from sex, and intimacy is what he wants' and yet we can't cuddle without it wanting to go somewhere so idk what to say really

No. 404323

Sounds like you should probably just go back to women because he’s a coomer asshole like most men

No. 404328

This hurt to read. You seem really confused. He's not helping. I strongly recommend you get away for some solo reflection time if you can swing it. Book the cheapest flight or train and go.
Putting all this energy into worrying about his feelings over it is bad for you. His actions are kinda pissing me off, I think you should get away from him. I think there was a problem in your relationship before the assault and there is still a problem now. The problem is him.

No. 404330

Ime with what I call an asshole rather than using the narc label (ticked plenty of boxes but still?) Looking back, my once alright self esteem was low enough to stay but high enough that things got really ugly in the never ending butting of heads that created. I'd later go through lows and then half find my original spine again. It was a cycle but the low part of the cycle got lower and lower and it's slow work so you don't wake up and see it til you're fucked. Just when I found the most clarity I'd managed in a while and was about done.. he did cheat. Was shocked when I didn't fall apart at the news. He'd almost perfectly set up the reveal of his cheating to cause maximum damage, the day it was revealed, the way it was done. All like a carefully set stage for the most hurt. But too late. I didn't react much and that bothered HIM. I never thought I'd be semi relieved to be cheated on. It gave me a solid out and I could go rebuild what I'd lost. Shit was so bad that him cheating made me think oh fuck I'm free, I'm not 'to 'blame' for the break up and he won't chase me cos he has a new woman lined up. One that saw him as a good enough to nab from me. Him having a whole affair was so low down on the list of things I needed to gtfo and start recovering from. It was past due.

>he’s been subtly trying to chip away at my confidence for a while but because i have pretty good self esteem it doesn’t really work on me

Imo if you're only dating someone, not caught up in many trappings and you're contemplating 'are they a narc?' It's not a sign of good self esteem if you stay. Staying with someone you know is trying to break you down is 'it working on you' The number one thing outsiders always ask you afterwards is why tf did you stay past the point where you saw those first signs.

No. 404375

>i was looking for affection/attention/the feeling of being wanted that was lacking with my bf
This isn't close to being a fulfilling relationship. Sounds like it hasn't been for over those 2 years. The added horror of having to deal with what happened to you and his 'phew' attitude to SA is the gravestone set on top of what should've probably ended more than 2 years ago.

Your own wellbeing after what happened to you is so much more important than holding onto a long sinking, never on the same page, always something lacking on some end relationship. It will serve you more long term to get out of this situation and let your head clear away from him and the dysfunctional push and pull you're in.

Yeah it is sickeningly common for women who have experienced sa or csa to have bfs who somehow think that it's a childish game. That if you're 'withholding' sex they're gonna withhold cuddles and any form of non sexual affection. That fucks you up. It digs the knife in deeper. Compounds your distrust. Certainly doesn't help your view of sex and men or what sex represents to you. Those men might as well go stand with the assaulters given how little they want to understand it and how much they add fuel to the fire. You're giving this man permission to sleep with others as a fix.. No man reacting the way he did to his partners SA needs to be near other women either. If he gives that little fucks about what happened to you, then nobody needs to be worried about his dick being seen to. More than anyone, you don't owe him massages and sweetness just to get his damaging bullshit in return.

No. 404380

other anons have already said this and i still think it needs repeating: he's an asshole who values his sex drive more than your comfort. it doesn't look like he sees you as human if the only way he wants to be placated from you is sex despite you already expressing discomfort with it which he wouldn't push if he really respected you and cared for you as a person

No. 404381

Someone posted this on r9k lol. Moids among us

No. 404383

Leave that scrote. Men are actual demons. “You HAVE to let me molest you, or else I won’t love you anymore.” They only trade their so called love, it’s never free. They’ve built a society where you’re separated from your birth parents after reaching adulthood and the only way to curb the loneliness in a socially acceptable way is by getting into relationships. They made it so you can’t have a family of your own without letting them subjugate your body and I want them all dead for it. They’re incapable of feeling true love. If you were a man there would be countless women lining up to be in a molestation-free relationship with you. Go back to women, he’s not worth it.

No. 404406

So let's think about this. You said that his happy attitude toward your assault resulted in you withdrawing affection. You say giving him affection it's still a struggle to this day, indicating that you're still hurt by this attitude of his. You say you're the one trying to work on this and give him affection when he's the one who fucked up, and he's still denying you sweet affection while focusing on sex.
In my opinion, this relationship is poisoned in a way that can never be restored. He's revealed an unforgivable attitude and you can never un-learn that he is this type of man. Furthermore, it seems like you are playing a risky game by staying with him when you are very sensitive and vulnerable about the issue of sex and he is like a brick wall who is not changing or getting the message at all that he can't keep pressuring you and only focusing on sex and not affection. This provides the scene for you to be hurt very badly by his actions.
I hope you can get out of there.

No. 404427

Are you serious? Gross.

No. 404433

For most moids, sex is the main point of a relationship. If a woman rejects sex for more than a couple months, they’ll almost always start seeking it elsewhere if they can. If not through cheating or using prostitutes, then using porn at the very least. Unfortunately this is just an uncomfortable truth about heterosexual relationships. Men in general are horny coomers and see sex as the be-all of a relationship. Yes they might also like romantic things, emotional intimacy, affection etc but unless sex also accompanies it, most of them are disinterested. I’m also like you and hate sex when it’s demanded or expected on the man’s terms: it always has to be on my terms otherwise I’m not interested. But the sad thing about your relationship is it seems like you don’t enjoy being around him and that he genuinely makes you uncomfortable, because he behaves quite rapily towards you and sulks when you won’t have sex with him: this is very unhealthy and reason to leave. It could also be that you simply don’t find him all that physically attractive and he doesn’t make you aroused: again, a lot of women put looks on the back burner when it comes to their moid and feel confused as to why they hate sex when the reality is they’re simply not attracted to their moid. You should break up and find someone else, you clearly aren’t compatible.

No. 404434

Damn they're everywhere

No. 404445

This reminds me of when I told my ex I was raped by a male relative and then found a ton of incest porn on his computer a few weeks later.

No. 404446

Oh and when I confronted him about it, first he tried to deny it was there and that it must have clicked some ‘virus software’ kek, then finally admitted he was jerking off to it but claimed he was only watching it to try and ‘understand what I’d been through’

No. 404447

File: 1717806424949.gif (1.62 MB, 288x204, EE449703-C15E-4D12-84BB-3DB1A5…)

Men be like
>You mean you’re gonna believe your own eyes instead of me, baby?

No. 404456

Men are a joke.

No. 404464

No. 404465

No. 404478

Holy shit. Men are absolutely vile. You don't go to porn to try and understand someone and their situation better, you talk with the person like a normal human being with empathy. I see this mentioned a lot here, but I'd like to reiterate to other nonas that you should never tell scrotes extremely sensitive matters that happened to you. They'll either turn to porn and/or use it against you. I'm so glad you're rid of your ex, nona.

No. 404480

A lot more tame than I was expecting.

No. 404493

This has to be bait lol

No. 404496

>I'd like to reiterate to other nonas that you should never tell scrotes extremely sensitive matters that happened to you.
Wholeheartedly agree, speaking from experience. Nothing good comes from telling your Nigel you were raped/molested/abused/whatever. Don’t bother telling him. He wont understand and he doesn’t really care to try, to either.

At best he’ll resent you for not being a neurotypical brainless bimbo fuckdoll specimen of a woman with zero problems, and feel annoyed that he has to perform what he sees as emotional labor for you. At worst, he’ll actively fetishize it or weaponize your trauma and use it against you to traumatize you further.

I always found it interesting how men rant about how males should never show vulnerability with a woman. But that doesn’t make any sense because women are innately far more compassionate and empathetic than men are. If anything it’s women that should avoid showing vulnerability to men. Nothing men love more than women being hurt by them, womens self esteem being affected by them, women crying over them, and the satisfaction of knowing they traumatized women. Don’t vent your trauma to moids, you’re only arming them against you in the end.

No. 404500

I’ve been on three dates with a guy who is very in love with me. He takes me to boba dates and lunch. Always pays for everything. Took me to a romantic rose garden. Gifted me an expensive beauty item on our third date with our initials on it. Even brought food to my house when i was sick.
We have fun when we’re together, we talk a lot and laugh. But my issue is: I am not physically attracted to him. I agreed on the first date because he asked me in front of one of his friends, so i felt bad saying no. First date went well and i saw how much of a gentleman he is.
But at this point i feel like i’m using him because he’s always paying for food and offering more and more. But sometimes when he looks at me like he wants to kiss me i have to really hold back from making a disgusted face. He’s not ugly by any means, but i’m not attracted to him at all… i thought that i should hold onto him because he’s an angel and treats me like a queen, but i’ve read a few posts online of people saying that i’d be leading him on. Please give me your opinion nonas, do i stay or leave him?

No. 404502

>im not attracted to him
Then don’t date him, simple as. It’s completely pointless to date someone who aren’t attracted to and only hurts yourself and them.

It saddens me that womens preferences are so trampled on and ignored that just the basic request of ‘I want to be attracted to my bf’ is made to seem like too much for us to ask.

Rest assured if he wasn’t attracted to you, he wouldn’t be giving you the time of day. Don’t be afraid to be shallow with moids, they’ll always be more shallow than you anyway.

No. 404505

You should have never gone out with him in the first place, and even if you did go out with him you should have split the food bill 50/50, now he will feel used when you reject him. You lead him on because you’re weak to peer pressure.

No. 404515

He's not in love with you after 3 dates. He's infatuated and chasing that with the gift/paying/niceness. He's at least getting the rush of being infatuated with someone.. and you're not even getting that fun. Tbh the bar is in hell with how impressed you are at a guy being nice for 3 dates. All the angel and queen talk is too much too soon especially when this is the same man that disgusts you. Break free.

No. 404524

>now he will feel used when you reject him.
Nonsense, he isn't entitled to a relationship with her just because she agreed to a couple of dates. He has't purchased her with food and gifts. Going on dates has always served the purpose of exploring if something more could work between two people and anon has discovered that no, this guy isn't right for her and she doesn't want something more. She doesn't have to tell him "I only agreed to that first date because you asked in front of your friends"

No. 404527

Who the fuck cares how he feels? Those faggots will complain regardless of how nice you reject them. 50/50 lmfao yeah right, thanks for the great solution.

No. 404530

thank you nonas for the honesty. a lot of this is very similar to what my friends have told me, i don't believe my bf has genuine bad intentions but he's stuck with an immature coomer brain and doesn't realise how bad the transactional aspect of sex lately is making me feel. we do still cuddle so it's not like there's absolutely no affection until sex is wanted, and he's by no means a bad guy, which is why his reaction to my SA and telling him about my discomfort with sex was so upsetting and confusing because i don't want to believe that the person i love thinks like that

i am still physically attracted to him, my sex drive isn't very high anyway so it's not like the desire is being focused elsewhere. sex was a little easier whilst i was still in therapy and unpacking everything that had happened but i can't afford it anymore so now i'm terrified kek

men are a disease but i can't even take the posts seriously tbh because 'one bad day where you can't force yourself to kiss her ass' is so on-the-nose ignorant that it's actually laughable

i wish it was

No. 404532

samefag but the robot comments just made me realise. i did actually tell my bf about 'sleeping with' the friend (and his gf, who was also drinking that night and i suspect she was only there to provide some fucked up irl lesbianism jack-off material whilst it was happening - i assume that i did things with her as well but i don't remember at all) the very next day, so it's not like it was a secret, just that the concept of admitting it was assault felt too scary so i just let him believe it was surface-level cheating for too long. which was not a good move on my part but i didn't really know how to approach the whole topic

No. 404535

Thank you girls. I’m just worried of the idea of “losing someone who could have made my life better” by treating me nicely.
Because for example, i was asked out by another guy around the same time, and i am absolutely attracted to him? But he treats me nooooowhere nearly as good as the first guy…
I wish i could have both someone i’m attracted to and who treats me nicely. Surely that’s possible, right?

No. 404537

Girl I promise you will NOT regret it, even if you die alone and never find a hot guy. There's something soul destroying and viscerally repulsive about fucking a dude you are not truly sexually attracted to, it's like our instincts know those are genetics we don't want to pass on.

I once dated a moid I really should have liked on paper but for some reason he turned me off physically. I had sex with him once and regretted it so much I haven't done it since. I'm perma single now but I still never once thought 'I really should have stuck with him/I should try again with him', I've always been glad I cut it off immediately. It is so important to trust your gut.

No. 404540

He makes you physically cringe from disgust, everything else is irrelevant details.

No. 404549

>At best he’ll resent you for not being a neurotypical brainless bimbo fuckdoll specimen of a woman with zero problems, and feel annoyed that he has to perform what he sees as emotional labor for you. At worst, he’ll actively fetishize it or weaponize your trauma and use it against you to traumatize you further.
If he isn't capable of emotionally supporting her, isn't a good thing she finds out early on so she can leave? I always talk about the difficult things early on and dump his ass if he doesn't react appropriately. Men are absolutely awful at pretending to be empathetic or emotionally invested. Women would be able to see through this so easily if we weren't memed into thinking that "men have emotions, they just don't show them!!"

No. 404557

Not in my experience, men can be very good at pretending to care.

No. 404608

It would weed out the guys who don't even care to put on a pretence. Plenty of men put a stupid amount of energy into faking who they are. For a year or two (or more) till it all starts to unravel with enough time. Some men sure can act. Unfortunately

No. 404640

Yes? Fucking obviously. He's either a literal pedophile, a terminally online neckbeard or both.

No. 404670

>he's by no means a bad guy
Nona… Yes, he is. None of this would have happened if it were't for him, probably including your assault by a mutual friend. He's shit, his friend who raped you is shit, the whole lot of them is shit. Leave.

No. 404712

Had a messy breakup recently and I know I have work to do mentally. But my libido is killing me and I'm sort of into this one dude that isn't in the city much- though he already said he was down for a date a long time ago (which I turned down then because I was in a relationship). How should I navigate this.

No. 404780

My ex seems like a covert narcissist, at least some behaviors are very similar. He ghosted me after finding a substitute. I actually had a chance to talk to her later. It's not that I found out something shocking, I suspected a lot of the things that turned out to be true, but it fucked me up that he suddenly seemed like a completely different person, and I realized how much he lied to me. He also completely devalued me and made up some bullshit to make me seem inadequate. It was also refreshing to get another perspective on his personality and behavior. I realized that my perception of reality wasn't warped after all, even in some little things. But he did manage to confuse me and make me doubt myself. I had a chance to talk with him, too, after many years, and his manipulative manner of communication was so evident.
In overall, he is like a big child. Likes to play the victim. Would admit his mistakes and misdeeds sometimes but it's always at least a little someone else's fault, too. If you're upset over something he said or done it upsets HIM. Doesn't think lying or concealing some shit is a crime, it's basically other people's problem that they want to know too much or find out things they don't like thus ruining their relationships with him. It also seems like he either doesn't really appreciate other people for who they really are (mostly cares about a fantasy version he created) or he just easily devalues them, but while everything's fine you're "soulmates". Bad at regulating his emotions, becomes easily upset over little things and it's very draining to deal with. And yeah, if he's unhappy for whatever reason or he's resentful over something you said or did, he will be nasty to you instead of talking about it like a normal person. Talking is tough in general with him.
So while there are surely some positive things (which usually make one stay), there are many sufficient downsides that will exhaust you more and more (and then you might be left with nothing). I'd say it's better not to get emotionally involved and try hard to be a bigger person or a savior even if this person is dear to you and you know they're unhappy/had unhappy childhood and so on. It's very unlikely you'll make them happy, but they will definitely suck some life out of you.

No. 404825

Has anyone else dated a former police officer? The man I'm dating now is all about his safety and it seems like he's anxious about numerous things in the relationship where he wants to take things slowly. He came over to my house for the first time the other night and we got to cuddle, talk about where things are going, and we also had sex. He decided to leave when it was near bedtime. I asked him if he wanted to stay, he said he really wants to, but doesn't want to push it even though I don't mind at all. The anxiety running through his mind will keep him from sleeping, even though the reality is that I'd be happy for him to stay over. He said it was already a lot for him to come over to my house for the first time, on top of it being a bit short notice. Maybe his career is irrelevant, but this man is anxious.

No. 404835

Just keep him away from acorns.

No. 404851

nonnies, is this thread also for friendship advices or do we have one for those?

No. 404867

incredibly autistic question incoming, is it always a no to have an emotional/physical entanglement with your friends uncle? everyone being adults in this situation of course

No. 404872

if you care about your friendship then of course it's a no. no matter what the outcome of the relations are and even if your friend acts cool they're gonna secretly resent you & think you're gross/weird etc

No. 404880

seriously? if my friend got with my older brother or uncle or something (as long as there isnt like a 15yr gap) i don't think it would ruin everything… is that incredibly strange of me?

No. 404898

I realize I can’t know this for sure from what you said but I’m 100% sure he is lying to you. Get a grip and open your eyes. Your empathy is blinding you. Do not go along with his whole story, look at the facts. He’s fucking you and then leaving.

No. 404901

Yeah how old is the uncle? I’m with you I don’t get it but I have a very terrible relationship with my family and don’t care about them so I think I’m the weird one. I’ve seen friendships fall apart from other friends getting with brothers etc. It makes no sense to me but it’s apparently off limits. Or maybe it’s highly dependent on the friend. The only reason I would not like someone getting with my relatives is that i happen to know they’re all horrible trash freaks and I would consider it a personal failing of my own if a friend of mine somehow got close enough to fall in love with one of them. I don’t know what people who like their relatives are thinking when they get mad.

No. 404917

based and true, men peddle these "ooo I'm just not sure…" so you pity them and become more willing to let them pass in and out of your life

No. 404947

if a friend started dating one of my brothers, I would never speak with her again. You guys saying that it isn't a big deal are nuts

No. 404949

lol he just wanted to hit it and quit it

No. 404957

Lol sis he used you for sex

No. 404958

My ex was a confirmed covert narcissist. These people are a lot harder to spot than overt narcs but here’s some behaviors he would do

>would act tough and be an edgelord/didn’t care about other peoples problems or have empathy for others (except sometimes fake performative empathy in social situations)

>but was hypersensitive about his own issues and would cry at the drop of the hat if anyone even used the wrong tone with him
>was incredibly passive aggressive, stonewalled constantly, used silent treatment and ignoring you as ‘punishment’ could be extremely mean but not in a way you could ever directly identify or confront him about (and if you did you were ‘crazy’ and ‘imagining things’)
>completely wrapped up in himself, zero time for anyone else’s feelings or needs, every tiny insignificant problem in his life was a mountain and the most important thing in the entire world
>would withdraw randomly and ghost then come back and act like nothing had happened
>would shut down completely if you confronted him about anything bad he had done
>would DARVO constantly, no matter what he had done, you would always be the REAL offender and he was the victim
>would leave during conversations claiming that you were being abusive, even if you never raised your voice at him or acted abusive at all
>extreme lovebombing then suddenly withdrawing all affection and love
>would claim that the reason he ‘had to do this’ was because you had hurt him
>very unforgiving in general, constantly resentful and bitching about everyone in his life, even people in his family who gave him pretty much everything emotionally, financially and everything else
>constant false promises with zero intention of ever keeping
>negging your appearance and comparing you to other women constantly
>would check out, mention other women or compliment other women in front of you, would try to observe your reaction and see if he could make you jealous and would become visibly elated when you were
>was a cheater while constantly accusing you of cheating
>dumped/ghosted you out of nowhere one day, always a sign they’ve found a new source of supply (I had suspected he was cheating for months but he always denied it and tried to claim I was projecting, found out he had indeed been cheating with a new coworker of his)
>devalues you, their old supply, while idealizing their new supply (he dumped her after 6 months too)
>no one is ever good enough for him no matter how much of a loser he is
>extremely unrealistically high standards for other people while being a gross slob himself

Covert narcissists are even worse than overt narcs imo because they’re so bitchmade.

No. 404960

One of the most obvious signs of a narc imo is how much contempt they have for others. They can never really hide this.
They’re the kind of people who are always arguing online and leaving mean comments for no reason, bullying people for no reason other than to make them feel shitty, shit-talking others who’ve never even done them any personal harm, constantly talking about how much they hate x person or x thing, and they usually just generally have a default negative opinion of anyone they meet. The only time their opinion of someone becomes positive is if that person gives them something: be it money, sex, a promotion or whatever. And even after they’ve got the thing, they’ll still often chew that person out and be mean about them.

If I mentioned anyone at all, or the topic of any particular person or thing came up randomly, his default opinion of them was always something negative and he would almost always bitch them out. There are very few things and people that narcs like, and the things they do like are usually only self serving and degenerate interests, and the people they like are only ever people who give them what they want without ever asking for anything in return.

No. 404974

My moid screamed at me and started throwing stuff (when I was out of the room) over a minor disagreement so I packed my bags and left that same night. Told him I'd be staying at my parents' house for a while and that he needed to get help ASAP or I wouldn't be coming back. He's one of those people who can't/won't express the things that really bother him (work stress, deep-seated feelings of inadequacy, anxiety) and instead gets frustrated at minor shit like hobby-projects and bad drivers so I'm used to him being fussy about minor shit (wow, typing that out sounds horrible), but that was the first time I'd ever seen him overreact like that and I really don't like that it was directed at me. He knows he fucked up and he already apologized several times, but I'm not buying it until I have proof he's really doing something about it like regularly seeing a counselor/therapist. Has anyone ever been in a situation like this and been able to recover the relationship? For the record, this guy is normally someone I can talk about anything with, even if we disagree, and we otherwise have a very peaceful and loving relationship. I just don't think I can be with someone who ignores problems until they become real problems, so to speak.

No. 404976

Kek. I hope you’re not really considering going back to living under the same roof as an emotionally constipated tarded moid who chimps out like that. I hope you don’t have guns in the house either.

No. 404979

how do i focus more on myself while in a relationship? i tend to get obsessed and devote way too much mental and physical energy to the person im seeing to the point i start to neglect myself and don’t take care of my health. i always feel like that person is more of a priority than myself and my own needs and happiness. i know it’s so unhealthy. how do i become more self obsessed?

No. 404981

>My moid screamed at me and started throwing stuff
You leave at the first sign of a red flag and never go back. You're humanizing and showing far too much empathy for a moid who can't even control his emotions and humanize and show empathy for you. You can dream about therapy and fixing this, but this guy is defunct and not worth saving. I had a friend who was in a similar situation. It started with throwing things, punching walls, and you know where it progressed from there? He laid his hands on her. So get the fuck out and dump this troglodyte.

No. 404997

He must have a sinister secret. For example: he farts uncontrollably in his sleep.

No. 405001

We have slept together before in a hotel so if he started farting I didn't remember at all.
I don't want to keep dwelling on it, but we do live 1.5 hours away from each other. I am keeping track of all these things he says he has going on in his life to see if they do match up. I'm one to remind him of his narratives often.

No. 405002

Youve only stayed together a whole night in a hotel….? Have you ever been to his house? He sounds like he has a double life or something.

No. 405003

Do it in small ways to start. Like if you always plan outings or make dinners, one day just don’t do that and see where the night goes as an experiment. It’s also fine to tell the other person you’re like this and it stresses you out so you want them to take the reigns on some things.

No. 405004

stop thinking of covert reasons and see it for what it is. he had sex with you and decided to beat it afterwards. his anxiety is irrelevant, cops and former cops shoot at acorns falling off trees. if he cared about his safety he would sleep there with you. if he cared about YOUR safety he would sleep there with you. robbers observe people who have guests and when they leave. that's how robbers find out if someone lives alone.

No. 405005

Staying the night is "pushing it" but having sex is OK? That doesn't add up to me.

No. 405008

I have not been to his house yet. It's in the countryside. I've externally confirmed he does live with family members and one of them is a toddler so I can only assume his sister in law wouldn't want strangers who aren't family around. I've been more pushy with inviting myself over since his anxiety makes him hesitate too much and he doesn't want himself to become a burden.
I'm getting more to the point of being overwhelming and saying I need to see him and have him call me. Our work schedules are opposites at the moment and sometimes he does work 13-14 hour days and his nephew often interrupts his sleep.

No. 405022

i think you should identify why you put so much into your partners yet neglect yourself. do you have a poor self image and think you are underserving of the same time and energy you give to others? are you a people pleaser and think your own wants and needs are secondary to everyone else's? do you believe that doing something for yourself is an act of selfishness even if it involves your health and overall well-being? it's much easier to end self-destructive behaviors when you understand the reasons behind them.

No. 405027

File: 1718030753422.jpg (116.57 KB, 683x1024, 3b50692251604617187441189e6d7a…)

how do i tell my bf that im a lesbian? he's sensitive as fuck and sadly i do care for him. he's likely never going to get a gf after me due to being a 5 with severe acne and selective mutism so i feel really bad for him and i know ill feel like the most evil person on earth when i do it. but i all i do is dread sex with him and get irrationally angry when he's in my presence for longer than 7 hours. i just want to fucking date women and not feel like shit all the time

No. 405030

>I am keeping track of all these things he says he has going on in his life to see if they do match up. I'm one to remind him of his narratives often.
Have you caught him out with anything? I remember you posting about him lately. It sounded/still sounds like he's down for the sex part but otherwise keeping you at a distance from his actual life.

No. 405032

Stop wasting this poor guys time, just dump him already. Imagine your bf was writing on forums about how he’s gay and forced to spend time with you and have sex with you. Jesus Christ. Why are you in a relationship with a moid anyway.

No. 405034

Are you sure that's really his sister in law and nephew, not his wife and son? How did you "externally confirm" this? men who won't stay the night and have a home they won't let you visit are usually cheating on someone.

No. 405040

I've not caught him with anything. Majority of his down time is spent with his family doing manual work, he'll send me photos of him sitting at his parents patio. He has been apartment hunting and job searching to move closer.
Yes, I'm certain that's his sister in law and his nephew. The rest of his family is more public with their lives, there's a picture of his brother and his sister in law holding the nephew and comments indicate that is his child.

No. 405042

Yeah i was just about to reply to her with the same thing. If he won’t stay over at your place in addition to not having you over to his, that’s a huge sign he’s got a main relationship. The toddler is probably his.

No. 405046

OP, I'm honestly contemplating coming forward with how anxious I am due to the distance and space in between us. I want to tell him I am consistently checking his TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook accounts to see if I can find any red flags, even though his Insta and FB are private. I'm like searching through his bot TikTok followers that show ass and boobs to see if he's following any of them back. And looking through the reactions on his Facebook photos to see if it's anyone who sexualizes themselves that isn't a family member.
Should I just go forward with that and see how reacts knowing that information?

No. 405048

just leave him

No. 405055

No. Don't tell him you internet-stalk him that makes normal people freak out.
In the first place, if he cared that you were bothered he'd spend the fucking night with you which you have surely asked him to do, right? So telling him you're also anxious will not move his heart since he's already putting his anxiety ahead of your needs and your relationship. Telling him exactly how you're anxious and spiraling will just be exposing yourself and your vulnerabilities to a man who won't do the same. Never do that.
Ask him directly for what you want and if he won't do it, leave him.

No. 405056

The red flags are there irl. Being the at a distance woman who he fucks in hotels or fucks (at yours) and then 'anxiously' leaves afterwards is enough to question. Don't tell him about the online checking because it doesn't help your point but you've reason enough to wonder whether you're just some out of town sex option.

No. 405059

Honestly next time she sleeps with him and he leaves she should just ask him dryly where's he's in such a hurry to be? gotta get back to his other family?
She obviously doesn't think it's funny so she would never do that but he deserves some jabs for his behavior. maybe I'm just a bitch but even trying to see it from his side (even though I think he's full of shit, but for a thought experiment let's say he's "anxious") he can't possibly be surprised if acting like he is costs him his relationship. he needs to get his shit together. she can't keep going along with this.

No. 405070

AYRT, be that as it may, I still legally live there and have a ton of furniture in our shared apartment that I would like to hold onto so moving out would be a headache. It can be done, but the idea fills me with more dread than moving back in.
>inb4 why are you living with a violent destructive moid, are you stupid
Because my whole point is that he has never before shown any signs of being a violent, destructive moid and is usually a decent person who's pleasant and fun to be around.

No. 405071

Anon that's a very bad idea. That would be too intense even for a normal person. How long you been together? If he doesn't have another relationship and he's not only interested in sex, he might be kind of avoidant/emotionally distant or have trust issues or something. I would probably stop having sex with him, not as a punishment - it's ok not to want sex for various reasons - and see if he's still interested in spending time with you.

No. 405073

>moving out would be a headache
What's worse? A headache or getting assaulted by a moid? You even have the good fortune of being able to go back to your parents for pete's sake.
>he has never before shown any signs of being a violent, destructive moid and is usually a decent person who's pleasant and fun to be around.
He has never shown them before but he sure has now, so it doesn't matter how he's "usually" pleasant and such a catch. Really think on this relationship because men's outbursts shouldn't be taken lightly. The tard became testerical over a minor argument. Let that sink in.

No. 405081

>love my boyfriend, treat him amazingly
>cook all his favorite meals and baby him constantly
>he treats me like shit
>decide to act aloof and give him one word answers, stop cooking
>do the bare minimum and laze around
>suddenly he's infatuated with me and trying to impress me again

I'm convinced men aren't capable of love the way women are, lmao. Do I really have to treat him like garbage to get him to pay attention to me?

No. 405085

He's realized he's taken you for granted and doesn't want to lose you. He's missing the wifely duties you do to him, have him consider putting a ring on it to get that treatment back. Kek.

No. 405086

He just hopes everything will come back to "normal" once he's given you these crumbles.

No. 405087

You probably realize this but you should not still be with him if he ever treated you like shit. Men get one chance and he failed. Don't give him a second one, he will fail you again.
Sure, he probably does miss it but it's not like getting married will make him any better. Then she'd just be married to shit.

No. 405088

>have him consider putting a ring on it to get that treatment back
So he can go right back treating her like shit because he's got her trapped?

No. 405090


thank you for your incredibly kind and well thought out response

No. 405094

That's why you don't do any of that shit. Don't cook for him, don't baby him, don't please him in the bedroom, don't pay for anything. Have extremely high standards. Then you'll find men who actually love you for you and not what services you can provide for them. There's no way you can make this guy act better, he's defective just for the fact that he lets you baby him and take care of him. It's unnatural. Any self-respecting man would not let you take care of him. The only ones that do are mentally ill. His place is to impress you and take care of you, and the fact that you're doing that instead makes him seethe and feel useless.

No. 405095

NTA but she’s right. What kind of response were you expecting here?

No. 405096

Men don’t respect women who do everything for them nona. It literally goes against biology for the woman to be trying to baby and please the man. Men who are spoiled become emasculated and abusive to compensate.

No. 405098

>ignore him and give him one word answers
>suddenly he’s infatuated with me again
Literally all Nigels are like that nona. Any man would respond the same way.

No. 405111

You guys are right. It's very eye-opening. It's just my love language to cook and clean and treat him well but obviously it makes him devalue me. I think in his tiny moid brain I must become comparable to his mother or something, who he doesn't respect. Thanks for the wake up call.

No. 405116

i hate my bf so much. i have vivid fantasies about minecrafting him. everytime we are sexually intimate i hate him even more. he repulses me. i wish he would die.

No. 405118

then break up with him

No. 405127

It’s normal to hate your bf. Being heterosexual fucking sucks ass. Men are garbage.

No. 405135

Just stay alone then. You wont die without a scrote. If anything you’ll probably live longer.

No. 405154

Nonas do you believe men can actually love a woman?
As much as they claim to love a woman men aren’t capable of loyalty to one woman or genuine monogamy where they never look at or desire other women sexually and romantically. Male ‘love’ is meaningless and isnt worth shit imo. Also I don’t believe any men are capable of it now thanks to internet and porn frying their brains and bonding abilities. Same with romance, ‘romance’ is mostly just incels trying to manipulate Stacy into having sex with them through paypigging and emotional blackmail. Only women can love imo.
Yes I’m cynical.

No. 405175

So. My bf cheated on me and dumped me extremely brutally over text. A 3 year long relationship down the drain. The worst part is his new gf is literally stalking me and watches all my posts and socials like a hawk. Like she literally found my tumblr account from reverse searching something I posted on Facebook. She’s absolutely nuts.

Now she’s started skinwalking me, copying the way I dress and pretending to be interested in the stuff I’m interested. Like really obscure artists, music etc that she found through my blog. I don’t actually really give a fuck about her or my ex as people but what’s annoying is that I am now associating the stuff I love with her/them because she’s basically skinwalking everything that I’m into now and sharing it to her normie ass friends as if she always liked it. I’ve had to stop consuming my favorite content because I remember she’s skinwalking it now and I get reminded of how bad they both betrayed me and messed up my mental health for a few months. I can’t even look at art from my favorite artists anymore without thinking of her/them and getting enraged. How do I stop getting these negative associations and reclaim the stuff I like for myself?

No. 405177

Oh and I forgot to mention: this girl literally stole a tattoo idea I had also and got it done a couple weeks ago then bragged about designing it herself. A tattoo that I’d posted about wanting for months/years, and she saw the images I had posted about it. She basically stole the design and fucking got it tattooed on herself: this is how nuts she is, like literal lolcow territory. I’m absolutely fuming because that idea meant a lot to me, I had planned it for months and I had a lot of sentimental attachment to it. I feel sick knowing how much shit she’s stealing from me and ruining all the good associations I have with it.

No. 405180

I think there's something severely wrong with this generation of men. I've read stories of actual men who were crazy about their wives, devoted to them, went through arguments and fights but still stuck with them, etc. Hell, Andrew Jackson fucking dueled a man for insulting his wife. Men nowadays wouldn't give a shit.

No. 405182

Get into weird things and watch and laugh at her as she copies you. Photoshop yourself with a wacky hairstyle. Post a lot about some "problematic" media and watch her get ostracized from her fellow normalfags. Put on a circus if you want to have fun with it. On a serious note, I think the best thing you can do is block her and not look at her socials. The only reason you know about all of this is because you view her socials and hear about her somehow. Eventually he'll cheat on her too, and she'll be left in the dust possibly questioning her actions. Don't pay them any mind and focus on yourself. Hang out with your friends too.

No. 405187

No. 405195

I think when they truly love a woman they can’t help but fuck it up. They’re unwilling to do the legwork to sustain real love so they just sabotage it.

No. 405198

>Hell, Andrew Jackson fucking dueled a man for insulting his wife. Men nowadays wouldn't give a shit.
Because men today don't buy into that patriarchal, "protective" bullshit. Women don't need a moid to "defend their honor"
>As much as they claim to love a woman men aren’t capable of loyalty to one woman or genuine monogamy where they never look at or desire other women sexually and romantically.
Lol no. My (now ex) bestie tried to seduce my brother and he turned her down because he didn't want to betray his (much less attractive, much more annoying) girlfriend (now fiance). YT is filled with social experiments where moids refuse to cheat on their gfs/wives. I don't know wtf kinda moids some of you have come across if you think that men are incapable of fidelity

No. 405214

pretty sure I just found the nail in the coffin evidence that my bf of 10 years is in fact in love with his girl best friend, and probably has been since they were teens. which I obviously had many conversations about with him that he gaslighted me about every single time

No. 405219

Share the evidence or give us a clue. Also will you confront him and break up immediately?

No. 405233

a message to another friend who asked how he was, he said "mostly happy lately, but trying to deal with my bad tendencies around <her name>". honestly open to thoughts about what "bad tendencies" are since I don't think they're actually having a physical affair but I started packing at least

No. 405247

To be honest, I don't think many people in general are capable of this idealized devoted kind of love where they won't even think about someone else and are always equally attracted to their partner (and it's normal imo, your choices and actions are more important). I just think it's much more normalized for men to cheat and ogle other women, and some women are taught to be "wise" about it or feel like they have to prove how open-minded they are (often because they're gaslighted into doing so) while there certainly are higher expectations for women's loyalty. Plus it's easier for men to cheat when they work and spend time outside of home and women look after kids. Women being more responsible, principled or dutiful doesn't necessarily mean they "truly love" imo because the motivation behind it might not have anything to do with men they date/live with. I know some women that seem to be not capable of (deep) love at all, women that sabotaged their relationships due to personal issues with intimacy and/or fear of commitment, women that cheated but decided to stay with their husbands because of stability and familiarity (even if it's boring and depressing) and fear of change and negative reaction from close circle of people (like grown-up children). But I do think that women on average are more interested in their partners as people and are more capable to love them as people outside of romantical/sexual context whereas men are more likely to date/marry for convenience and other benefits and won't even be able to accurately describe their woman's personality aside from the most obvious things and "what she's doing for me that I like/what annoys me the most".

No. 405252


No. 405257

Obviously men favour the ideology that positions women as another asset for them to gain. I'm so fucking glad men are finally facing the reality that they are unwanted and unlovable.

No. 405260

Aw, I'm sorry. It sounds like what you're thinking. Unless it's a reference to a drug or alcohol problem but you'd know that.

No. 405262

Well shit. I'm so sorry nonna. Do you have somewhere to stay?

No. 405312

Thanks. Sucks cause he bullied me into buying an apartment together so I'll have to figure that out but at least in the worst case I can live with my parents back in my hometown. I just really can't believe he'd do this after, for so many years, I told him their behavior hurt me, and he would just tell me I am bitter and sad for not trusting him

No. 405370

>I started packing at least
You are so smart and I'm proud of you for being brave enough to actually decisively end it. Not to sound tradwifey but unless the "bf of 10 years" thing is because you personally are deeply opposed to marriage, I really do think that's another red flag. I'm not super strict about this, I think even 5 years isn't too bad, but if you've been together for a decade and he hasn't proposed or moved toward the commitment of marriage, it is probably a sign he's not actually committed, which fits with the story of someone in love with his best female friend. Hope you get your money back for your half of the apartment…
>he would just tell me I am bitter and sad for not trusting him
Yeah this moid needs to die.

No. 405380

Thank you, really.
We have had a weird time in that we had to work jobs in other cities a lot and spent half that time long distance. I think he did consider proposing at one point but the last few years have been rocky so it's out of both our minds I'm sure

No. 405381

I’m going through a personal crisis rn. I thought I was bisexual but I dated only women beforehand and now I’m in a relationship with a man and I really like talking to him but when we had sex I immediately threw up afterwards and felt awful for the following night and day. I chalked it up to something I ate or first time jitters but more recently I’ve been feeling immensely sad whenever I see stuff about lesbians I start crying. Maybe I’m having a psychotic break or something and I don’t want to lose my relationship with the only ok man I’ve known in my life. I’ve always been confident in my bisexuality so this is really throwing me for a loop.

No. 405385

wow I'm sorry I don't have any advice but I'm sorry you're going through that. that sounds complicated.

No. 405400

How can you try to convince yourself to stick by him just cause he’s “ok”, especially after the sex made you puke? What the fuck bitch

No. 405422

>vomiting after sex with moid
Normal and healthy reaction

No. 405426

Maybe he's just deeply unattractive. Try fucking a good looking guy even if he's not relationship material.

No. 405428

This. Marriage isn't just a piece of paper, its a way to measure how committed a moid is to you. If a man wants you and wants you for life, he will want to marry you. What your personal opinions on marriage is doesnt change the fact that its the most important display of a mans affection and commitment, way more than having kids together, living together, having a house together etc is.

No. 405435

I’m in the exact same situation nonnie, gonna start to ghost him like he does with me and gonna stop babying him so much, hope it works. It’s been annoying me extra hard lately because I’m sick and had to go to the hospital twice and every time we talked since then he didn’t even ask ‘how are you?’ once.

No. 405459

Scrotes insist that they “hAtE gAmEs aNd DrAmA!” but they literally only do more than the bare minimum if they’re afraid that another man caught your eye and is “stealing you away”. They're retarded

No. 405468

You do know you can just find someone who genuinely cares about you without you needing to play stupid games, right? You deserve so much better. Don't stay with this idiot.

No. 405538

No. Men don't love women, they love having sex with women. As soon as intimacy is off the table, they will leave. There are studies that prove this. Doesn't matter if it's because you're sick, or just had a baby, were depressed, etc.
My own exmoid had told me he loved me in endless way and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. I became ill, stopped having sex, and he left as soon as he could. Then 1 day after we broke up I saw his messages about looking for girls on hinge to "smash".

No. 405563

Is it normal to be upset over a partner not remembering something that deeply affected you and you're absolutely sure it was discussed after it happened? Or am I just crazy?

No. 405588

If a man doesn’t want to marry you that’s a sign he isn’t committed for sure, but marriage in itself is not a sign of commitment. Most men jerk off to porn, fantasize about other woman, even cheat just a few months or years into their marriage.

No. 405590

This. Sex is the be all and end all factor of a relationship for 99.9% of men: the other stuff like physical affection, romance, getting his laundry done and dinner cooked by a woman, companionship etc is just perks. Once sex is off the table you won’t find a man who is loyal or still “loves” his female partner in the same way anymore. This is why so many divorces and separations and cheating happens after women get sick.

No. 405591

>As soon as intimacy is off the table, they will leave

No. 405644

Your post is false

No. 405653

Ntayrt but there's many, many repeated cases of men leaving their wife the moment she develops cancer and things like that. Just look it up.

No. 405665

This is true but the stuff about men being able to separate sex and love isn’t really that true ime.

I know a lady who got cancer and had to get a double mascetomy. She was embarrassed by her body and didn’t want to have sex anymore, so told her husband he could get his sexual needs elsewhere, as long as he kept it purely sexual and didn’t develop emotional intimacy with any of the women. Low and behold, after having a couple sexual affairs he ended up leaving her for another woman that he’d fallen in love with after screwing a few times. There’s a lot of other cases where women who are married to high status men like rockstars, politicians, millionaires etc also try to set up a similar open relationship dynamic and end up being left and cucked emotionally, not just sexually.

Point is, pickmes never thrive and moids arent anywhere near as stoic or logical as they like to pretend they are. They catch feelings easily too.

No. 405672

Yes, because most men are dogs. Even most of the men who stay are probably cheating on their wives. But there are also some men who are loyal and there are other men who just don't care about sex. Men usually start losing interest in sex around middle age regardless

No. 405685

Update: He started crying and asking how he could make me happy again. Lol, lmao even.

No. 405688

What was his breaking point?

No. 405689

I just treated him like how he treated me. I stopped cooking, only cooking for myself. I stopped initiating conversation and asking him about his day. He would always vent to me but when I would dare to do the same he would give me one word answers or call me 'emotional', so I did the same to him. Every time he started to act a little upset with me or complain about any minor issue in his life I just told him to be 'logical' and 'be a man'. And obviously, no sex. I stopped cuddling him and just quietly went to sleep every night. Now he's asking how he can make things better again but I haven't given him a clear answer yet, will keep riding his guilt for a bit until I decide if I want to forgive him or not.

No. 405692

When you treat them how they treat you they really don't like that.

No. 405693

Just dump him at this point, if you give him another chance he'll just go back to being cold.

No. 405695

What this nona said, why even bother with this joker any longer

No. 405701

He took you for granted once, and he will do it again. At least you're playing with his feelings, he deserves to suffer for how he treated you. Now deal the final blow and dump his ass. Even better, don't make a big deal out of it and do it over text.

No. 405705

Why? He lacks self-awareness or brain to realize you're just mirroring his behavior because you got sick of it, and the solution is pretty simple and obvious: to change it and start putting effort. God forbid he puts some mental effort and reflects a little on your relationship: now you need to tell him exactly what you need. Everything was great! (for him) so it's just so unexpected and he's so upset and confused. It's going to be like that forever.
I might be wrong, and I'm not defending him, but you didn't mention trying to talk to him about these issues previously, so if you don't start communicating your needs and complaints and/or show your negative emotions not in a passive aggressive way, it can become a recurring problem in your relationships.

No. 405711

You were so close to getting it and then lost it with
>will keep riding his guilt for a bit until I decide if I want to forgive him
Stupid game to play unless you're pulling away to exit. You're basically getting down in the mud with a pig. Mirroring his behaviour to win a prize that isn't there.

No. 405716

>if you don't start communicating your needs and complaints and/or show your negative emotions not in a passive aggressive way, it can become a recurring problem in your relationships.
>Stupid game to play unless you're pulling away to exit. You're basically getting down in the mud with a pig. Mirroring his behaviour to win a prize that isn't there.
These nonas are right. Playing this passive aggressive game does show that you’re matching his energy, which makes sense if he is constantly dull and doesn’t return anything you give him. But he clearly seems to notice an issue now. So you should either break up without a word if you’re done 100%, or you confront it by outright saying that you’ve toned down your behavior because he doesn’t reciprocate or initiate anything that you were attempting before. It’s unhealthy and a waste of energy to prolong the game out of spite.

No. 405717

I have nothing to contribute but I was scrolling by and saw
>"Now deal the final blow and dump his ass."
Idk why but I really liked the way you worded this.

No. 405740

Nonas please help. I have to choose between two guys. One is a good guy, he is very caring, he’s not a degenerate at all, like a rare one, I could trust him with my life, but the problem is I’m not attracted to him at all. He’s pretty ugly. Like the idea of having sex with him physically repulses me. The other guy is also nice guy, but sexually he’s also kind of a degenerate and some of the stuff he says grosses me out at times. I’m very heavily physically attracted to him even though he isn’t conventionally attractive. I feel like both are pretty bad options tbh but I’m not looking to settle down or get married with either, this is just for dating purposes. Which one do I go with?

No. 405743

a relationship with a guy youre not attracted to is never going to work no matter how well your personalities mesh, speaking from experience. you will be lying to yourself and him and eventually the emotional labor of pretending to be attracted to someone you’re not physically interested in will exhaust you and you’ll become resentful and likely to cheat which will hurt him.

go with the guy you’re attracted to but keep your options open for someone better who is hopefully not a degen but you can still feel attracted to.

if he’s really a degenerate like you say then you shouldn’t be marrying him or ever thinking of starting a family etc with him, make sure you double up on birth control, do not get pregnant whatever happens. and remember to keep it casual and just for fun, until you meet a better man.

No. 405748

Nonnies, is it normal for a boyfriend to basically pretend that you don't exist whenever you have disagreements? This is my first and only ever relationship so I don't have any personal comparisons and I don't know if I'm being a BPD-chan about it and overreacting or not but idk it doesn't feel normal? Like, he won't even say good morning to me the morning after or anything. I have to wait until he decides he's ready to talk.

No. 405753

Passive aggressive treatment like that is a sign of a covert narcissist. Anyone who intentionally tries to make you feel bad and abandoned is not your friend let alone life partner.

No. 405760

>I could trust him with my life
How many decades do you know him to be saying this? lol

Seriously though, both sound like future regret. Two different flavors of what was I thinking.

No. 405761

I wouldn’t mind a clingy ADHD bf. I’ve found most ADHD men are very unreliable and flighty and just disappear and reappear at the drop of a hat which badly triggers my abandonment issues.

No. 405770

I was living with a guy before I was treated to the knowledge that this bs is in his repertoire. It wasn't even some shit like ignoring messages. In person, sharing a small apartment, days of silent treatment over shit that really shouldn't be that serious. He waited that long to start doing it but once it started it just kept happening for smaller and smaller reasons?? Over such small things it was insanity. I'd never dealt with anything like it. I knew it wasn't normal. But people who do that shit seem real confident that you'll endure it and then cling on gratefully afterwards rather than be like.. fuck this I'm out. Enough rounds of it and I was out. If I acted indifferent or unaffected he just dragged it out longer. But he also acted like attempts to talk were an offense too. You can't win. I really think they want to create a sense of desperation in you.

Someone needing space and asking for it is fine. Can be healthy if it's done right. But silent treatment is a whole other game. It's fully listed as a form of emotional abuse in alot of abuse resources

No. 405777

No thats childish, immature if not abusive. Needed space is normal, acting like you don't exist is not. Not responding to good mornings and making you feel shitty for trying to connect and be nice is not ok

No. 405781

AYRT, I can relate, we're living together in my situation too. The longest he's gone is 2 days so far but I wouldn't be surprised if he goes longer for less and less reason. I think for me it's just hard for me to draw the line in my head of the difference between the silent treatment and taking some space, probably because of my autism kek.
It did cross my mind that this could be a sign of narcissism, but I wasn't sure. Growing up with a narcissistic parent makes me worried that I'm projecting or connecting dots that just aren't there.
Thank you for validating my feelings nona. I wasn't sure if I was being crazy or not. I thought it felt off since he wouldn't even tell me that he needed space. He would just completely shut down and ignore me, even when I made dinner for him, he just went out and got takeout.

No. 405782

I think this is a fake post. Sounds a lot like recents posts asking which guy to choose between two. In any case don't clog the thread up with this shit, I'm pretty sure there's a dating thread somewhere. You're not even in a relationship.

No. 405787

Why would it be fake? Most women end up having to choose between an ugly emotional bf and hot sexual bf at one point or another

No. 405813

My bf seems into shallow things and would leave me if he could. he reminds me of that Twitter post of moids admitting they'd leave their gf once they're successful. he followed raunchy IG "models" until I told him to stop. I asked him if he would date any of those onlyfans girls he followed and he said no because they're high value women. it hurt when he once told me I'm not conventionally attractive or model pretty bc I don't have lots of IG followers but claimed he thinks I'm a 10. he seems weridly obsessed with these influencer women's lives and would randomly mention wanting to be rich when viewing their stories. he also praises rich moids who look like they're dating their granddaughter. I asked him and he answered how he'd find me more attractive if I were rich, famous, or a model. he got weirdly excited and impressed about some girl he knew being a model in a commercial and sent me her post. it sucks because idc about any of that stuff. the worst part is he does literally nothing to make himself rich besides working towards a degree and he comes from a decently well off family. my friends and family told me they think he's ugly and he's randomly complained about how guys like him get no play. I think I'm the only girl who's liked him back. he said he wants to build a life and family but I feel like the moment he becomes rich or super hot he'd just forget about my existence lol. I think I'm going to leave once I'm financially stable enough.

No. 405815

What the FUCK are you doing with this creepy loser who says such demeaning things to you? Leave his ass now before he dumps you and gets to gloat about it. He deserves to be humiliated.

No. 405817

Your bf sounds like a shameless narc. They’re very obsessed with status and trying to buy the hottest woman they can even if there’s zero love or attraction on her part, just so they can impress others since their life is lived through receiving external validation and asspats, even if that lifestyle isn’t based on reality. Also letting your bf neg you like that and talk about onlyfans whores and ig models with you is peak cuckquean behavior. Get some fucking self esteem and stop being this scrote’s doormat.

No. 405827

Are you dating Lurch?

No. 405833

they are gaslighting you. its very valid to be upset and even if they really didn't remember, they can still acknowledge it and apologize.

No. 405862

My girlfriend is demanding I give her the passwords to my social media account. I brought it up as a one off joke only for her to be complete serious about it. When I implied to her that I’m not doing that she immediately got pissed at me and stopped talking to me. I feel bad. But at the same time I value my privacy. I have talked about her to my other friends but I was asking for advice on how to deal with her because she has bpd and my friends have bpd. I’m scared of her seeing those messages and flipping out on me as she’s done it many times already and we’ve only been dating for a month. I’m at a loss because if I refuse to give her all my passwords she won’t trust me. Any help nonas?? I really value my privacy so I’m at a loss here

No. 405865

dump her and get a gf without bpd

No. 405868

File: 1718319378160.gif (349.04 KB, 165x247, get-somebody.gif)

>gf with bpd
Kekk nonnie I'm so sorry but it might just be over. BPD chans deserve love and understanding blah blah blah but they can be some of the most spiteful and erratic people when they decide that you're "against" them. I fear if you don't come totally clean and completely bend to her will it'll just escalate quickly from here. She'll twist this in her own head and turn you into a bad guy who has been sneaking behind her doing all kinds of shit. They deserve love or whatever but nope, not from me, never again.

t. someone who has been burned by ten separate bpd chans

No. 405869

How long have you beed dating?
I think you should know the codes and passwords for your partner's socials/phone/computer etc but not right off the bat, you have to form trust first. What are you so afraid of her seeing? Is there something that makes it unsafe, like is she gonna poison your pets if you say something cringe in a DM? (If that's the case you should break up anyway.) Are you really invested in your socials and don't want the risk of her posing as you or deleting them in a BPD fit, or do you have a business tied to them…? What exactly are you worried about?

No. 405870

Sorry I’m at work so my response will be just a bit lack luster

About a month, I’m scared she will think me asking my friends for advice means I’m turning on her and shit talking her

No. 405874

Apologies for the samefag but she has said numerous times if we break up or I’ll leave her, she’ll kill herself, she even told me she wants to kill herself because I won’t give her my passwords. I feel trapped but I’m conflicted cause I really do love her

No. 405876

ntayrt but get a new gf kek

No. 405877

Sorry but this is not a relationship you should keep for the rest of your life. She will suck you dry. You can love someone without being in a relationship with them. I think that sentence should be repeated to many people, and I'm sure I'll post it again in the future. She is manipulative for saying that she will kill herself, and you are setting yourself up for a lifetime of theatrics that will grind on your mental health.

No. 405878

Holy shit run don’t walk. Only together a month and she is threatening suicide over not giving her a password? That’s batshit crazy. Get away from her as fast as you can. Like, seriously please be baiting.

No. 405884

>dating bpd-chan for one month
>she requests all your passwords and socials
>goes full bpd on you when you rightfully say no
>"but I love her!!!"
girl… you cannot be over 18. Why is leaving and never looking back not your first instinct?

No. 405888

I am over 18. She never told me she had bpd when we started dating. I found that out myself. My past relationship with someone who also had bpd lasted a year and was fine

No. 405890

Oh… my condolences. The sooner you leave her the better; suicide baiting within a month of dating because you won't share your passwords with her is crazy kek. It only gets worse. Best of luck.

No. 405891

how did you find out yourself she has bpd?

No. 405893

He did apologize afterwards for not "accurately" remembering what happened. It's not the first time he's forgotten things we've discussed, and my memory's not great either, but I've made it a point to talk to him about anything stressful or emotional because otherwise I will bottle things up and make it worse. So it feels like, even if it wasn't full gaslighting, that's pretty shitty to not remember it even with some emotional value to it.

No. 405894

A month is too early for this retarded shit lol. Call her family to tell them shes threatening suicide and then dump her, you will not have a lasting relationship with her, its just prolonging your own suffering and the end result will be the same regardless of if you dump her today or a year from now. If anything the longer you let it drag the worse it will get.

No. 405899

Why don’t you just prove to her that you’re not cheating? She’s looking for reassurance of your loyalty. Go on your account with her and show her you’re not talking to anyone else and that you love her.

No. 405903

They've been dating for one month nonnie suicide baiting and demanding unrestricted access to nona's socials is another level of crazy and she shouldn't be indulged.

No. 405910

Is my bf making me miserable good enough reason to break up? He’s okay sometimes but generally just quite thoughtless, inconsiderate and somewhat retarded, there’s a bunch of small things he does that annoy and hurt me and it all adds up to make me permanently annoyed or mad at him. I feel worse when I spend time with him and he always says or does something that pisses me off and doesn’t even realize or apologize for it. Sometimes I think ‘well he’s never done anything super bad’ but if he’s making me this annoyed so frequently I guess I should just break it off right?

No. 405911

Yes. Break up with him.

No. 405914

You don’t need a reason to break up with anybody. But if someone is making you unhappy that’s 100% a reason to break up.

No. 405919

My bf masturbates to other women and it’s completely destroying my self esteem. He promised me he’d stopped looking at porn as soon as we started dating and claimed he hates it and wanted to stop anyway, and our sex life was going well, but he logged into his youtube account on my laptop a while ago so his Google account was linked and I can see his history. He’s been searching for onlyfans chicks again and watching a bunch of porn videos, even downloaded some it seems. He would always say one or two particular famous e-whores and certain women with specific aesthetics are ‘so disgusting’ but I saw that he’d searched for their porn too. This happened before too, with Belle Delphine porn. At this point it’s like anytime he mentions a woman he dislikes or is disgusted by it actually means he’s obsessed and masturbates to her.
I’m so mad at him I can barely stand to be in the same vicinity right now. When he smiles and acts like nothing is wrong and says his little ‘Hi babe’ like he doesn’t know I know what he’s been doing I want to knock his block off. I made up something about having a migraine and how I can’t see him for a few days but the truth is I’m hurt and disgusted I can’t even look at him. Sometimes I think he’s almost doing it intentionally to neg me? It sucks because he’s sweet and a good bf in other ways but I don’t even want him to touch me or look at me when I know he’s been masturbating to other girls. I know almost all men are like this, so it sucks knowing even if I break up I won’t find someone better.

No. 405922

I think any moid with any kind of parasocial relationship with any kind of e-girl should be left to their devices and helped to die alone, personally.

If he’s searching up specific women on onlyfans then he’s truly too far gone, unsalvageable really. And he admitted he watched porn long term before meeting you? Let me guess, since he was pubescent or even before? There’s no helping these kinds of moids. Their brains are literal mush and they will never stop relapsing no matter how many times they promise they don’t jack off. The more you confront him about it the sneakier and more cunning he will get about hiding it from you and making sure not to let you know.

Please break up with him as soon as possible. I promise you being alone is better than being with a man who constantly makes you feel inadequate, insecure and bitter. And I’m not even saying this as an anti porn radfem. You can look on reddit and twitter and see countless normie women whose lives are devastated by their bfs porn addiction. He will take years off your life if you let him, so don’t. Get rid of that dead weight before he knocks you up.

No. 405923

Also, men absolutely do use checking out other women or using porn as a form of control and negging you. They know damn well how porn use and looking at other girls hurts their gfs and wives.

I’ll bet he knows that he’s hurting your self esteem but he just doesn’t care. He wants you to hate yourself enough to stay with him and tolerate all his garbage. He thinks by making you compare yourself to other women he’ll make you desperate enough to try harder to compete for his attention and cater to his sexual demands. Don’t take the fucking bait. If he’s choosing porn, leave and let him have his porn. He doesn’t deserve you being there for him too.

No. 405925

>At this point it’s like anytime he mentions a woman he dislikes or is disgusted by it actually means he’s obsessed and masturbates to her
this is classic moid behavior tbh. men usually hate the women they masturbate to.

No. 405933

Very true. The more insistent they are that they hate her the more sexually obsessed he is without fail

No. 405939

You should dump him but also make sure to masturbate to hotter moids in front of him before you do.

No. 405952

Every time I date a moid I feel like there's something just… missing. I've never really had a healthy relationship with men because they've done some awful, vile things to me so my attraction to them is complicated.
It doesn't feel like a sexuality issue so much as it is a trauma issue. I do and have dated women, but it's never gotten to the point where "i love you" was thrown around.
My current boyfriend really, really loves me. Like he's obsessed, he thinks I'm cool and interesting and hangs onto my every word. He's a bit of a doormat which is kind of off putting, but overall he treats me quite well. But I just…. don't have much of an interest in him. It feels like I don't have an interest in aspects of romantic partnership in general. I'd rather spend my time alone, or with my (exclusively women) friends. If I didn't have my boyfriend, the only men I'd ever interact with would be mild work acquaintances I see twice a week and I love it. I'm so separate from men and male culture and it's great. I love women, I love being around them and I think because my boyfriend is so separate from that I feel so alien from him. And in realising that recently it put to words what I've felt with every man I've dated. I just feel so different from them, they never seem to fundamentally understand me. My boyfriend tries, which is a first, but there's such a disconnection between us.
I'm so sexually dysfunctional from my previous experiences so it's hard to tell if I'm not attracted to him. We had a lot of sex when we first started dating because I felt free and uninhibited, but now that we're closer I just don't want to be touched, which has been the case with every man I've dated after "the big one" (i.e. man I thought I was going to marry but turned out to be very abusive).

I don't know what's wrong with me. I want to be alone, but I don't know if I should trust that I really want that, or if I'm just pushing something good away because it's easier. It's all a bit complicated, and I guess I just needed to vent.

No. 405964

Girl dump him

No. 405965

>Is my bf making me miserable good enough reason to break up?
Come on now, do you need to ask? the answer is yes

No. 405966

True, but marrige is the only way a moid can show he is commited, bc its the only thing a man views as commitment. (Shut up ring/wedding doesn't count obviously)

No. 405969

Are you looking for marriage eventually? This won’t change. I’ve gone through divorce over this and a million breakups with several bfs. Now I’m finally with a man who prioritizes our bond through sex instead of watching strangers fuck on tape. We are married. He even uses a flip phone to avoid the traps of modern evils. Nothing worse than being with a porn addict whose primary sexuality is pornography rather than preferring sex and bonding with a female partner. Don’t waste your youth on them like I did they don’t change because they don’t even want to change. They will even psyop you into believing that they want to change while still allowing themselves access to personal computers and smart phones. They think it’s such a fun game fooling you like that. Men who are honest with themselves about the hold modern technology has on their psyches will be low-tech in their lifestyle choices. They also have sex way differently, it’s actually good sex and their dicks actually work properly like they are supposed to. Porn sick dick and pornsick sex is something you should never even have to THINK about. Run girl run. It’s so easy to find another man don’t waste your time on this one and don’t waste your time on the next one if he tries to play a similar silly game with you because chances are he will. Just keep chucking the dudes into the bin until you find a worthwhile one. It takes a lot of time and effort but if marriage and partnership with a moid is important to you it’s just what must be done. Men are not meant to be fixed they are meant to be found and thrown away if there is something wrong with them. They are supposed to make your life easier and more comfortable not a more difficult hellscape. We already deal with so much as women don’t accept this in your personal life fuuuuuck that noise girl. Don’t worry you can and will love again. Don’t be afraid of change, embrace it.

No. 405973

>But at the same time I value my privacy
As you should. It's not only yours but your friends' too. It's annoying as fuck when you learn that someone read messages you sent to your friend, because they and your friend ~trust each other~. And it's seriously not healthy when someone thinks they just HAVE to know what you're talking about with other people. Doesn't matter if you have something to hide or not, it's controlling behavior, and if someone is so anxious and distrustful by default it's their problem and they should learn to regulate that shit or stay single. You don't have to prove you didn't do something that another person's fantasized.

I can relate to your dilemma. I ended up breaking up with the "good guy" for another reason and I don't regret it. Been single for a couple of years and I'm super comfortable. Looking back, he wasn't that "good" and not the great match in general, he was better than my previous ex for sure and it was a very peaceful relationship with some good memories and without horrible ones, but it was frustrating and frankly quite boring at times (and not because of a lack of drama or something).
>he's obsessed, hangs onto my every word
>a bit of a doormat which is kind of off putting
is not a good thing and honestly I don't think it's real love necessarily. He's probably just a codependent guy so it's partially not about you (although he's surely strongly attracted to you). If it's first 1.5 years or so this might later change to apathy even. If he wants sex and you don't it will likely become a reason for his frustration (even if he won't demand anything) and you might feel guilty for it deep inside, which will only make everything worse. Since you already feel like you don't have much interest in him, it won't get better. I understand your doubts, it does seem like you have problems with intimacy, trust, it's understandable given your past experience. But it doesn't seem like it's the only reason you don't want to be with him. Maybe he's just not the right person for you. I'd recommend not waiting till it becomes sunk cost fallacy.

No. 405976

that part pissed me off the most. he's such a little freak. I hope nona remembers that's a red flag; if a man knows a porn stars name he only knows it because he's watching the porn.
I was so confused when you started talking about marriage in response to her post kek but this is really solid advice. I agree.

No. 405978

Nta but what if I don't want to get married, should I change my mind to find a good guy?

No. 405981

>just keep chucking them until you find a worthwhile one. men are not meant to be fixed they are meant to be found and thrown away if there is something wrong with them
Honestly some of the best advice I’ve seen on this board. You do not owe men shit.

The reason any woman stays with a shitty scrote is a scarcity mindset aka thinking that they won’t be able to find a new Nigel or new love. This is absolute bollocks. There’s ALWAYS more men nonas. Always. Also, we have basically infinite supply of oxytocin, so we can keep falling in love over and over again, just as intensely. Men are the ones who get buckbroken by love.

Scrotes know they are expendable so their only option is to neg you and keep your self esteem down as well as dreadgaming you aka ‘You’ll never find another guy’ ‘You’re getting too old now, you’ll need to settle for me before it’s too late’ ‘I’m your only option’ etc etc. It’s BULLSHIT. There are more single men than ever. It’s easier than ever to get a bf. My grandma got a fucking boyfriend in her 90s kek.

Also OP don’t tell him why you dumped him or mention you found out about him using porn. It will only help him become sneakier in the future for the next girl. Help a sister out and never explain the reason when you dump moids. Coomers should wear their degenerate tendencies shamelessly and out in the open so more women can avoid them.

No. 406045

>coomers should wear their degenerate tendencies shamelessly
Thankfully most of them do. Porn addiction is strongly related to mild mental retardation. You’ll notice that furries, coomers, gooners, pedos and all kinds of other degenerates are usually very shameless and brazen about their fetishes, they have no self awareness and are usually on the retard spectrum. When you go on porn subs you realize most of the commenters are severely autistic, ADHD or have some other moidbrain retardation syndrome.

Occasionally you do get smarter ones who are sneaker and learn to conceal their true tendencies. I’m not sure which kind is more dangerous tbh.

No. 406059

It doesn't mean you have to I guess, but know that your reasons for not wanting to get married and a moid will never be the same. A moid who wants you will want to put a ring on you to make sure nobody else gets the chance. Thats why men will date women for 10 plus years for convenience and not want to get married, yet break up and marry the next girl he views as his prize within months. Even if you don't want to get married, you should make sure your moid will want to marry you

No. 406065

Ngl my partner wanting to marry me is a huge turn-off to me, like they don't want to respect my wishes, I think I'm just not made to date.

No. 406078

so I've been talking with this guy and we share so many interests and views on many things, it's just that I genuinely don't have feelings for him. I'm not even sure if he likes me that much, he seems interested but idk how much but from my side I don't know if I want to date him. the only problem is that my dating pool is already fucking limited and this is one of the few guys that seems to match me well and who looks fairly decent but at the same time I just don't feel that attraction to him, he feels more like a good friend not a boyfriend. I don't know what to do because I feel stuck, I don't know if I can get any better

No. 406120

>it’s just that I don’t have feelings for him
Then do not date him.

No. 406133

>At this point it’s like anytime he mentions a woman he dislikes or is disgusted by it actually means he’s obsessed and masturbates to her
ughhhh my shitty skeezy ex used to do the same damn thing. the more he insisted he hates x nationality/aesthetic/type of women the more he was jerking his little winky to them in private. bleh.

No. 406158

The scarcity mindset is actively sabotaging yourself because while you're dating a guy you don't even like, you're limiting your time, energy and opportunities to meet a guy you'd actually like.

No. 406159

I disagree with other anon about the idea that women who don't want to marry should date men who want to marry them because I've seen this happen and it starts insane fights and resentment. If you're not interested in being with one person forever, then don't worry about it.

No. 406163

you're right, I keep waiting for that special chemistry to happen but our relationship feels so platonic even if both of us started with a romantic intention. to be honest I'm also bothered and feel insecure cause I'm not sure if he really likes me that much either or if he's simply dragging me along cause there's no better girls around. it sucks cause we do match very well, and it's incredibly difficult to find someone like that but there's nothing passionate between us. I appreciate that he's not a horndog but we haven't even kissed yet…

No. 406164

Sure, but then I also don't get why they worry. If they're not dating seriously/long term anyway, why care about a moids commitment. But simply, a moid that views you as a placeholder wont want to marry you and a moid who is serious about you will. But if you also only view the moid as a placeholder, why even care what he thinks about you too.

No. 406168

>why care about a moids commitment
This. A man's 'commitment' is worthless, and the more women who idolize it and see it as something to be attained in life, the more it creates a sense of artificial value for scrotes. Scroteflation.

Men already know theyre inherently biologically worthless and expendable and that women dont need them, its why they literally have to go to warzones and 3rd world countries and bribe women to be their wife.

No. 406205

I was gone for two whole weeks for a conference and get home tonight. My boyfriend is picking me up from the airport and I assumed we were going to hang out tonight, but he informed me that he agreed to play videogames with his friends all evening long. I told him how much this hurt my feelings (because I've been gone for TWO WEEKS and I thought he'd want to hang out, make love, and just catch up), but he said that he wanted to "be dependable to his friends" because he already agreed to play with them. (He's filling in for someone who usually plays in that group, and they need a certain amount of people). We'll still get to hang out for like 3-4 hours before he plays games, but I'm really hurt and offended because I missed him a lot and figured he'd want to spend the whole evening with me. He promised that we'll hang out all day Sunday but idk, I wanted him to be so excited to see me that he wanted to spend the whole first evening together. Am I overreacting? Would y'all be fine just putting off catching up until the day after you get home from a long trip?

No. 406208

No, that's weird of him and springing that on you the day you come back is also irresponsible. It is reasonable to expect your partner to want to hang out with you when you return from a trip, and the fact that he suddenly had another commitment made it sound like this guy caved to a last-minute request from his friends. Either this guy is really bad at saying no to people or he puts you lower than his friends on his priorities right now. I'd try to figure out which one it is.

No. 406209

I think it's pretty weird of him. I would probably avoid the whole situation and not even go to see him until Sunday. It would piss me off too much. It's kind of insulting, immature, and bizarre that he wants to play video games instead of be with you. Like, way to blatantly take you for granted. Friends are important but it's one evening and video games are simply not that important. Do they make money doing it or something? God just thinking about this is pissing me off. Kek I would seriously dump him before I even got home, I'm sorry.

No. 406213

Ehh I think it's a bit of a weird choice that I personally wouldn't have made but it's not THAT unreasonable either. He's hanging out with you for several hours before he's leaving for his friends. 2 weeks really isn't THAT long.

No. 406221

I bet he wants to have sex and bounce.

No. 406248

You were gone for weeks and he'd rather play video games with his retarded scrote friends. He doesn't like being around you, because if he did he would be dying to spend time with you and he'd even do something special to surprise you when you get back. First see if he's joking or not, and if he isn't, break up with him. This will only be part one of the many strings of disappointments if he's actually the type of person who wants to put his retarded moid friends and video games over you. I'd throw up on a guy if he said he'd rather play video games than spend an evening with me. Absolutely disgusting and repulsive manchild behavior.

No. 406267

that is so cringy and manchild behavior.. why is he putting playing a dumbass online game over his real life girlfriend that he hasnt seen in half a month, he shouldve canceled that shit as soon as he saw it made you feel hurt

No. 406364

Girl you better not have sex with him.

No. 406376

File: 1718523646991.jpeg (52.88 KB, 246x374, IMG_2886.jpeg)

I’ve been seeing this guy for a few weeks. He’s the total package, good job, sensible, healthy, handsome, friendly, good attitude. Last night I asked him what he’s looking for and he said he wants something serious. I said the same, and then he asks if I want kids. I’m way too young for kids but I said I want them someday, but not until I’m married. He nods and says that his mother told him to never get married.
That was a big turnoff for me, even though I’m not thinking about marriage or kids right now, it makes me nervous to date a guy that doesn’t take marriage seriously, even if he got me pregnant. The life of an unwed mother is not what I imagine for myself and I want to do everything in my power to avoid it.
I think I’d be playing with fire to keep seeing him and want to cut it off, but my friends think he’s a sweetheart and should give him some more time, especially since I’m not thinking of marrying him in the first place. My mom even suggested that I stick it out and try and convince him about marriage. I think it would be a waste of my time to get deeply involved with someone who feels differently about marriage to me, but are my friends and mom right? Does it really matter if I’m not even looking to get married right now?

No. 406379

what is the point of getting formally married? Why can't you two just live together? Maybe he doesn't like labels

No. 406380

>Does it really matter if I’m not even looking to get married right now?
You're not ready right now but getting a relationship to the point where marriage is on the table takes a few years too. If you stay with this guy you're spending time on a guy who's ultimately a dead-end for your goal (assuming he doesn't change his mind) when you could be building towards marriage with a guy who has the same goal in mind so you can hopefully get married by time you are actually ready for it.

>He nods and says that his mother told him to never get married.

That said, this sounds deflecting to me, is it possible he's just unsure about marriage or doesn't see future with you and used his mom as an excuse?

No. 406382

>what is the point of getting formally married?
Because it’s what I want for myself and that’s reason enough. It’s insane to me that some people think that having a baby with someone is chill but marriage is too big a commitment. I wouldn’t have even brought it up if he hadn’t asked if I wanted kids

No. 406383

In some countries, not getting married means you'll lose benefits and have less financial security. I don't encourage women to get married in general, but if you're going to invest in a scrote enough to have his kids, it's stupid not to acquire the legal status that marriage gets you.

No. 406389

Meh, you can have fun with the guy and move on to the next one once you're done, it's not like you need to find your future husband right now.

No. 406402

>He nods and says that his mother told him to never get married
I'm surprised everyone in your post including you is focused solely on the marriage part but not on the mother part - doesn't it sound like he's a mama's boy? If it's serious, his mom must be overbearing and jealous of his relationships with other women, and you'll have to deal with her attitude. He's probably easily influenced by her, might be emotionally dependent on her: it will affect your relationship. He might have weird dynamic with her, not normal for a grown-up son and his mother, you'll find it off-putting (especially if he starts acting like a little boy with you, too). Will probably talk with her on the phone for at least an hour very often, prioritize her in his plans or want you to spend time with her/his parents more often than normal. If she's anxious type, you'll find out he's anxious with OCD habits, too, might be pretty bad at regulating negative thoughts and moods, you can be sure it will affect you in the future.

No. 406404

You should just keep talking to him about it. This is good practice for figuring out what you need from a relationship. You seem to like him and you don't want to marry him anyway, presumably because you are too young. The thing he said about his mom is hilarious, I'm with >>406402 she sounds like a boymom, it's so cringe he said that

No. 406406

You should take this more seriously because there's always a chance of you becoming pregnant. Yeah, sure, some will say you can mess around with him but that's what so many women think before they end up single mothers. If he's not good enough to be the father of your future child don't let him anywhere near you. He sounds like he's incapable of taking responsibility in his relationships and he's way too codependent on his mother. Run.

No. 406410

It’s a big possibility, he says his parents split up when he was young and she mostly raised him. That is still a crazy lesson to drill into your child just because your own marriage didn’t work out imo.

No. 406411

Many such cases.

No. 406413

He knows he's going to be a deadbeat like his dad.

No. 406415

You're only a few weeks in. I would dip if that's what you're already thinking and not let friends or family sell you the usual 'stick it out' or 'you can totally change him' type lines.

Between his mom instructing him to never marry and your mom telling you that you can totes change him.. That's a helluva combination setting you up.

No. 406417

>That is still a crazy lesson to drill into your child just because your own marriage didn’t work out imo.
It can only mean it's more convenient for her. It's either an emotional incest thing and she can't let him go or she's so miserable she doesn't want to see him happy - without her and where she herself failed to achieve happiness. It'd remind her of that and show that the marriage itself is not a problem but her attitude/mindset/fears are and she basically chose to be unhappy. I see some parents trying to sabotage their children in a similar way when it comes to hobbies, work, etc.

No. 406425

There's men with decades long married parents who still weirdly instill the exact same shit into their 'boys' The knock her up but my god don't marry her bullshit lol. Their son is just too good for everyone, even the women they procreate with. They'll enjoy the grandkids some woman helps them get but forever be in their sons ear saying that women are out to use him. It's just boymom/boydad shit. Their son is a prize and their own blood is precious whereas women are these evil son-stealing but useful 'means to an end' baby incubators.

No. 406427

I remember watching the Simpsons as a kid and being so jealous of the relationship Patty and Selma had.
Like I remember being upset knowing that I would have to marry or rely on a shitty man one day instead of having a cool twin sister that always unconditionally had my back no matter what and that I could live with. God I wish I had a sister or a twin so bad.

No. 406445

Abort, she doesnt want him to be married bc in her head she is his wife. And he is going along with it. Never date a man from a single mother, 99% of them are ruined from not having a male role model and being their moms incestual husband replacement.

No. 406517

I'm feeling a bit broken right now
>find cute guy who actually fits my type from appearance to values to personality and think that I struck gold
>we talk quite a lot, things seem to be heading in a nice direction
>suddenly he acts distant with me, and doesn't text me as much, doesn't initiate conversation anymore
I need to mention we're not dating yet but we were in the talking stage. Do you guys think he just completely lost interest over night? Could he have met a girl who he finds more attractive? Did I say something weird which put him off?

No. 406519

Did you actually meet him irl? And how long were you talking?

No. 406537

Like one week of talking, but no we haven't met yet but we were planning to

No. 406561

Kek are you dating my sister's bf? Forget about this guy, don't validate his bullshit by wasting any time on him.

No. 406573

What's up with moms telling us to fix men? Even with the best intention this is not the first time I see a mom giving advice to their daughter to stick with someone cause maybe something will change. My mom does the same thing, whenever I talk with her and tell her that I'm getting red flags from a man she's like maybe you don't know him well enough.

No. 406584

Most men are flaky and have low emotional intelligence. Has nothing to do with you, don't take it personality. He's just showing you he isn't as great as you thought he was. When a guy starts being emotionally distant with you you should be losing interest, not blaming yourself.

No. 406596

Don't get attached to and idealize someone after chatting for a week and never meeting irl. I don't want to be mean, but if you feel genuinely upset about this, maybe you should work on yourself first before you try to date anyone. You sound a little desperate for connection and obviously have low self esteem, and this will either chase men off, or invite shitty narcs to use and abuse you.
Also, (assuming you met him through online dating) he should be trying to set up a date with a concrete time and place after 3 or so days of talking. If he isn't, then you're penpals who will likely never meet up because he's only keeping you around in case his main gig doesn't work out. If a moid likes you enough to see a potential future with you, he'll do everything in his power to meet up with you asap. If he's fine with waiting around for weeks on end, he isn't worried about another guy snatching you up in the meantime.
If he DID set up a date with a time and place and it's in the next couple of days, he might just want to save further conversation for when you talk irl. But even then, don't get your hopes up too much. He's a complete stranger. For all you know, he doesn't wipe his ass after taking a shit.

No. 406607

im not op, but does this still apply when you're both really young.. like teenagers? I feel sort of bad because I don't expect a teen boy to have the money to set up a real date as well as their own transportation, but I also understand why not automatically going out could be a red flag..not sure

No. 406608

Teenagers can work. If he cared he would get a job and work to pay for dates. There is no excuse.

No. 406610

Going out for a cup of coffee costs basically nothing, though? That's like 5 to 10 bucks if he pays for both of your drinks, and the dates after the first one can be poorfag activities like going for walks or something.

No. 406620

you have to be 18 to post here

No. 406621

the ones with jobs that I know typically have parents that take all of their checks, some parents even live entirely off of their child, but I do understand and agree with that point.. most hav no excuse
I agree, the only other problem is transportation, most aren't old enough to drive without permission, and so many strict parents, But tbh I probably shouldn't make any excuse for them..boys these days don't even see dates as important, the ones I talk to expect you to be their girlfriend without even asking or barely knowing anything about you, Cruel world. I'm too ashamed to ask them to take me out cause that sounds desperate , but at the same time the fact that we're young makes me want to give them the benefit of the doubt and guide them, yknow?

No. 406622

okay sorry, guess I will be back in 2 months when the clock strikes 12(underage)

No. 406623

File: 1718576651710.jpg (280.83 KB, 3000x1680, me_remembering.jpg)

>the fact that we're young makes me want to give them the benefit of the doubt and guide them, yknow?
oh god please don't do that

No. 406632

Fuck I know this but I just want to cry because I feel like the universe is set up against me. I'm convinced he's talking with other prettier/hotter girls on the side that's why he suddenly lost interest on me. I know it's dumb to cry over someone you've known only for a week but he was totally my type physically and it's very rare for me to find someone like that. This always happens, I'm always the throaway side chick, the 2nd or 3rd option to boys I actually like. He looked so much like one of my first crushes and what are the chances I'll meet someone like that again

No. 406634

Where did you meet him? If it was on a dating app/imageboard/penpal site etc then there’s a good chance he added multiple girls and is just a fuckboy type.

Honestly I think you’re idealizing this moid way too much simply because you’ve projected your emotions for that former crush onto him. You were only talking a week, you didn’t really know him, he was probably a massive shitbag in reality. And the fact he’s just disappeared because he found a girl who was more willing to send him nudes proves it.

No. 406635

Reminder that most of the website is actually underage and looking for an identity to chase.

No. 406640

So I recently got a fwb and I stupidly told him one of my fantasies was to make a video early on, before I knew things were just casual. Things became casual and I forgot I’d told him that, and he brought it up in middle of sex and I said ok. He used my phone. I didnt let him see it because i was self-conscious and later he messaged me wanting to see it but i was still self-conscious.

Later he brings it up again but i tell him I feel bad having done it with someone i'm not committed to and like i'm betraying my future husband. He says oh okay and to delete it then. I do so and then he tells me we shouln't hang out anymore. I dont ask why because i think it's not my place to request an explanation.

He tells me he appreciates me a lot, “more than you’ll know”. Calls me baby which he never had before. Requests to follow me on instagram.

Just looking for opinions. im sure he said those things to soften the blow. and in retrospect my concern over future hudsband I was dumb because I probably won’t have one

No. 406641

Yes it was a dating app and I think you're right, idk what's wrong with me but I'm still attached to that former crush so when I saw him suddenly all my emotions came back. The only thing is that I really did a background check on him as best as I could and he really didn't seem like a fuckboy so idk what happened, idk what new girl he met. Even though it might seem like I idealized him, I'm usually a good judge of character so it sucks that I got burned like this… again

No. 406642

Why are you giving out your coochie to men for free with no ring or commitment involved first? Of course he’s going to ghost you afterwards and breadcrumb you to make sure you stick around in case he gets horny again. Jesus.

No. 406643

The ones who don’t seem like fuckboys are often the biggest fuckboys of all, nona. Because they’re smarter and sneakier enough not to get caught or exposed.

No. 406644

This is why I’d never use a dating app to meet men: I do not trust any man who has dating or hookup apps installed on his phone. All it takes is one woman with slighter prettier face, bigger ass or bigger boobs to swipe right on him, and he’ll immediately run off to her.

No. 406645

you have to go on with a non-name and no profile picture to find someone who is actually looking and not being a fuckboi. serial killerish but it's a man so he won't be scared.

No. 406646

Anon, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with seeking out consensual pleasure and sex doesn’t need to involve commitment IMO. But if you’re gonna beat yourself up over it it’s better you don’t seek out any FWBs then.

That said, your future husband will likely be an avid porn watchers and right now doesn’t care about betraying you, or keeping it in his pants. He won’t want to save yourself the way you wish you had saved yourself for him. Just have fun and be safe.

No. 406647

I don't like them either but I thought they were my only option to meet as many men as possible until I can find someone I'm genuinely attracted to and then maybe hope for the best. Turns out this worked against me.

No. 406658

You’re right about that. but its too late because now he doesnt want sex

No. 406668

That's because you did this
>i tell him I feel bad having done it with someone i'm not committed to and like i'm betraying my future husband.
That's weird as fuck to say. Of course he cut things off after you said that.

No. 406727

Probably because you spooked him off with that weird comment about your future husband.

What's wrong with you anyway? The reason you shouldn't be recording and sharing sextapes is because they're commonly shared online without consent or used against the women in it, not because of your future husband. Protect yourself and don't do that shit again, don't become one of the many women who regrettably had their nudes and sextapes shared without consent.

No. 406744

he sounds like a confused and retarded goon clown kek

No. 406793

Nona we need an update on this now that the weekend is over. How did it go?

No. 406797

How do you know if you've outgrown your boyfriend? inb4 "If you even need to ask, you've outgrown him." I've been in a relationship with this guy for about seven years and we've been friends for sixteen years total. We get along well, I care about him, he's crazy about me, but the older I get the less I seem to care about him and the more I realize that he just never learned how to adult. Some of that is his shitty parents not teaching him anything, but that stops being a good excuse sometime during your 20s and we are both in our early 30s.
It's a bunch of little things. Like he doesn't read the nutrition labels on food so completely ignores serving sizes and portions, I learned this the other day because he ate an entire (5 serving!!) can of baked beans and was confused as to why he felt bad! Thank god I live alone. I feel less productive when we spend time together, as his main two hobbies are vidya and tabletop rpgs. I like these things too but I can't spend all day gaming anymore. It just feels like I spend significantly more time teaching him than I do learning from him, and that's not a comfortable place for me to be in a relationship. I love teaching, but I need to be able to learn new things too or I feel stagnant. The whole thing feels like I'm helping him grow as a person, but he isn't helping me grow as a person. Is that just part and parcel for being with moids?

No. 406802

Nona it sounds like you've probably changed as a person in the last seven years and your boyfriend has not (or if he has changed, he's not growing in a direction that is conducive to your growth). Knowing someone for many years comes with the idea that you are probably going to change in those years and the person you know is going to change too. I think the hope is that you both change in a direction that feels positive and fulfilling to you both, but as you observe, the reality is that sometimes that doesn't happen and as a result you feel that you've outgrown someone. Your boyfriend may still value spending his time playing vidya and tabletop games and he might not value learning "adult" skills. Meanwhile it seems that you value wanting to learn and grow and that you value those old hobbies less.

And as much as I enjoy shitting on moids, I do imagine that there are moids out there who do care about self-improvement or at least have values that are more aligned with the values you have now. I'm not saying you should break up with your boyfriend since that's your choice, but I don't think staying stagnant and having no skills to contribute to your personal growth is something that is just a natural characteristic of men.

No. 406804

Not the point of your post but I'm just curious, why have you been in a relationship for 7 years but still live apart?

No. 406811

It's an LDR, plz no bully. We've been friends for ages, so it just made sense. I also really like my privacy and had bad experiences living with men, so I'd probably still live alone even if he was local. Although the fact that he's wanted to live in my country since before we met but hasn't made any practical steps towards it (no passport, no savings, etc.) is not helping with my feeling like I've outgrown him.
You're right. I've definitely changed since we first got together and hope to spend the next few years growing even more. It feels like the only times he's changed are because I have (he's no longer a TRA, spends less time online/stopped using social media, but these all started with me). He's slowly losing his interest in video games, he ate into one of our hangout days to watch a live direct and told me afterwards that he should have spent that time with me instead because the direct wasn't great. It felt like too little too late since our schedules were hectic and we hadn't spent much of that week together. I feel burned that he went to catch it live instead of spending time together and watching the video later.

No. 406814

I'll just tell you bluntly that you have outgrown him, yes. He's actively holding you back, sorry if that hurts to hear. If I wanted to armchair you I'd say you're actually self-sabotaging and clinging to an old more immature version of yourself by dating him because you subconsciously wanted to not have to grow up which is why you became more serious with him after years of friendship and a separate failed irl relationship that you are afraid of repeating.

No. 406817

No offense, but your armchair is completely off. But thank you for confirming that I have outgrown him.

No. 406818

So it sounds like he does have some motivation to change, but mostly only if you initiate it and he is not progressing at the same rate that you are. Neither of those things are objectively negative, but if they bother you then that's an important thing to consider. If you realize that you want a boyfriend who cares about self-improvement for his own sake (rather than because his partner is doing so) and is someone who is already in the phase of wanting to take action (rather than contemplating it, but not putting it into practice consistently) then that is pretty valuable. It makes sense that isn't something you would have considered a bunch in your 20s and now that you're older those things matter more. Hopefully he'll either wake up and want to work on himself or you find someone better and being single isn't so bad either…

No. 406819

no offense taken it's just an armchair theory. So what do you think is the real reason you've overstayed your time with him and poured your romantic energy into a black hole (ldr) for seven whole years?

No. 406833

Because when we first got together, I was a mega-autist womanchild in my early 20s who didn't mind a relationship where we mostly discussed hobbies and was content with the notion that he'd immigrate at his own pace. Now I'm older and live by myself and grown a lot since then, so it's a little annoying that he's not progressed much since the person I knew in high school. He's less of an online weirdo and works a job and… that's kind of it. He didn't used to feel like a drag, and now he does.
You've absolutely hit the nail on the head. Most of his motivation comes from the fact that I've blatantly moved on from him emotionally and he's desperate to keep the relationship intact. So far it hasn't been enough to spur meaningful changes.

No. 406841

He didn’t keep the sextape dumdum it was on her phone and she didn’t share it with anyone. He was just holding the phone and gave it back to her right afterwards

No. 406847

Excellent reading comprehension, dumdum.

No. 406862

>Most of his motivation comes from the fact that I've blatantly moved on from him emotionally and he's desperate to keep the relationship intact.
Wow that's quite a statement. Has he told you that or is that just your intuition? I'm not saying you're wrong but the more mundane and probable explanation is he just started describing his life in a way that was more palatable to you since it's LDR and he can completely control the narrative. You don't really know what he does with his time, you only know what he tells you. It's a major drawback of a LDR.
Also… You've blatantly moved on from him emotionally? That's basically like saying it's over for a LDR.

No. 406884

It's completely normal to have outgrown a LDR that lasted 7 years, especially if the male hasnt matured or progressed in life at all. Honestly I'm amazed that you kept it going for that long since most people are bored by the 6 months to 1 year mark. 7 years is insane for a LDR. if you havent met and decided to move in together by the 1 year mark its totally pointless to stay in a ldr imo.

No. 406900

The plans to game fell through because someone else ended up cancelling, but now I still don't know if he would have gone through with it or not.

No. 407080

Is couple's therapy a good idea for a moid who can't understand that they shouldn't pressure you into sex? We already broke up once previously mostly due to this and are trying again, but it seems he has not changed. I'm so sad and heartbroken, I don't know what to do. He apologized so we got back together and I thought he understood but it's happening again. I don't want to be alone and I don't want a different partner but I don't want to go through this again.

No. 407097

>moid who can't understand that they shouldn't pressure you into sex
Here's the problem: He does understand. If he was incapable of understanding, he would be too retarded to have sex or a relationship. He does understand, he's just choosing to pretend not to because you'll believe him if he says he can't. He's doing it on purpose. Couple's therapy has a slim chance of helping, but it's more likely that he'll just learn a bunch of therapy speak to justify his abuse and manipulate you. Scrotes like that just can't be fixed because they don't want to be better. He's a grown man, he knows what he's doing.
>I don't want a different partner but I don't want to go through this again
I know you don't want a different partner, but this kind of behavior doesn't change and often gets more extreme. He pressures you into sex now, what about when you're married and sharing a bed? Will he act the same if you're pregnant? Do you even want to find out? Hopefully no you don't. Whoever this guy is, he's not worth going through forced sex and he's not the prize. You're the prize and you deserve someone who treats you like it. A good man won't pressure you into sex and he won't play dumb re: decent human behaviors. This scrote ain't it.

No. 407098

I'm giving birth soon and the plan was for my mother to be in the delivery room also.
She's now told me her and my father plan on driving down (3 days drive).
Is it reasonable to think that that is a stupid idea if she wants to be there for the birth? The average labour time is 12-24 hours for first time mothers.

No. 407100

He doesn’t respect your boundaries, and it’s not something you can fix or are obligated to forgive. He clearly has a fundamental issue with respect. Respectful people will usually be conscious of your body language and other subtle signs before needing direction or a warning from you. And one simple warning or gesture like “please don’t do x” or “let’s wait to do y” should be sufficient and enough for a caring person to understand. If he really cared for you he’d want you to be comfortable and happy, he wouldn’t want to put you through this stress and hopelessness. You’re just fixated on him because of ridiculous coping mechanisms like “I don’t want to be alone”, but you can exist without him and there are better people out there. You need to realize that he’s not worth the investment or forgiveness if he can’t learn to respect you after months of trying.

No. 407105

Please don't fall for the
>I changed
trap, he'll go back to his old habits as soon as he thinks he's got you secured. My mom did the couples therapy thing, my father convinced her he had changed but once she was back living with him he gradually reverted back to his old habits. I'd genuinely hate to see that happen to another woman and waste so much time and energy and emotions on a man who's deliberately deceiving you.

There's nothing to not understand about consent, if he doesn't have literal mental retardation, he fully knows what he's doing.

No. 407140

Exactly what the other replies said. He would have to be literally mentally retarded to not understand, it’s not a hard concept. He understands completely and he is lying to you. He does not love you or like you he wants to have you and it’s actually inconsequential to him that it’s unwanted by you as long as he can keep taking it. I know that is hard to accept especially since you took him back but you have to run not walk. Get away from him.

No. 407148

Get out of there before you end up needing solo therapy.. through a rape crisis service. I promise if you read your own post back a few years from now you'll weep at the state of mind this clown had you in

No. 407456

I don't know what to do. I've been with husband for a lot of years and our lives are completely entwined. Things are not getting better and he is not speaking to me now, and I'm dreading him coming home tonight because I know he's just going to make me feel like I'm being punished for daring to speak up to him last night about hurting my feelings. He's been coercing me into sex for a couple years and I finally snapped a few months ago and he let up, and because of that, he thinks that everything is fine and I should be happy. (I didn't realize it was coercion at first I just thought that is how men acted, but I did some reading online and realized the way I feel isn't normal, he would throw temper tantrums when I would say no etc. so that is when I finally confronted him about it). But he is constantly being mean, inconsiderate, and hurts my feelings. When I call him out, he loses it, like absolutely loses it with such a huge temper and breaks shit and screams at me and threatens all kinds of shit and then tells me it's my fault because I wouldn't shut up or leave him alone. Then it's my fault that I hurt his feelings by telling him he's being an asshole to me. When he gets like this, it's a couple days of him being upset then everything goes back to normal and he's completely fine, acts like nothing happened, and I don't bring it up anymore. I'm not able to talk to my own husband when I have a problem because he's a stupid fucking manchild that cannot take being criticized or hearing anything less than good about himself. I can't take it, but it would literally change every part of my life if I left him and he knows that. My job, our finances, all of our bills, pets, everything is tied up in our relationship. I know I'm stupid for letting it go on so long but I do love him and I thought he'd be better to me if I just kept stuff to myself better. I had sex with him Saturday, and all I did yesterday was tell him he hurt my feelings, and now it feels like my world is falling apart. I don't know what kind of advice I even need, I kind of just want to talk about it with other people.

No. 407463

I’m so sorry. He shouldn’t treat you like that. You don’t need relationship advice you need advice on how to leave an abusive relationship as safely as possible

No. 407471

This will be an unpopular thing for me to say because with guys like him there is so often a physically abusive angle that puts you in real danger (of bodily harm or death) but the fact that he actually backed off means there’s an opening for you because he thinks he’s still negotiating something. Take swift action in your own best interest as soon as humanly possible to preserve both your financial and physical security. Be selfish. Act fast. I don’t know how entwined you are / in what ways but if at all possible do everything you can to get yourself away from him while staying on top. Get a lawyer. He made himself an enemy.
There is a vanishing window of opportunity here before he turns dangerous where he thinks he still has you. I’m serious.

No. 407472

File: 1718832069549.jpg (185.83 KB, 570x1356, Image1.jpg)

I highly recommend reading the book 'Why does he do that?' (every woman should read it tbh whether you're in an abusive relationship or not, there's free PDFs if you google it).

It won't really help you out of the situation in a practical sense but chances are it will validate your feelings and give you the confidence you need to know, 100%, that his behaviour is typical of escalating abuse and you're in trouble if you stay. Pic related is a list of questions to suggest he will become physically abusive and your description of him seems to match.

No. 407479

Go find a place to stay and, if you need to pack stuff, call the cops so that you have A: witnesses and B: protection.

No. 407480

Nonna I'm >>407080 and I've spent the last two days crying because there's nothing I can do to change this man and I don't think the sexual coercion will ever stop. I know how you must feel, it's so heartbreaking to see the person you love do this to you, and you don't understand why they keep doing it and why they don't care if they supposedly love you.
Only advice I can give you is don't break up with him just yet if it's safe for you. I don't think you can fix this if he's also violent, so breaking up will probably be inevitable. But before you do, get your shit ready. Do what you need to do, sort out your life, your finances, whatever you need. But don't give into the coercion. Men are cowards so they won't leave a bad situation until you take the first step.
I previously broke up with my moid very suddenly and I ended up having to pick up after him, clean up his stuff from the apartment, and most importantly he owed me money. I couldn't do anything about this since we weren't together and he wasn't speaking to me.
After you're done, consider reporting him to the police. In some countries, sexual coercion counts as sexual harassment. I'm thinking about doing it once everything is done, so that he's less likely to do this to other women.

No. 407481

Also samefagging but
> everything goes back to normal and he's completely fine, acts like nothing happened, and I don't bring it up anymore
I had a parent who was like this. Narcissist through and through. Expected the rest of us to just magically go back to normal after their abusive behavior. This isn't normal, anon. He's grooming you into forgetting all his shitty past behavior. He wants you to basically become a robot.

No. 407485

She needs to leave while he thinks he has a chance of continuing his behavior. They never expect you to just leave immediately and ruin them, they think there’s always a chance to convince you they changed or that it’s actually you’re fault etc while they suck you dry

No. 407493

I'm so sorry you're going through this too. It hurt so bad last night when I told him that he was being mean (not related to sex) and he immediately says "I thought everything was better, I haven't asked for sex in weeks". As though that just makes everything else okay and gives him the right to be shitty and abusive in other ways. Honestly, all of these problems started from sex. I had never seen him blow up from anger until I said no one too many times in a row (we have sex weekly, but he expects it daily) and I was terrified. Ever since then, his anger and temper are just getting worse and worse, and not even when it's about sex. A few weeks ago when I confronted him, I told him that I cannot be responsible for his sex drive all of the time and him constantly pressuring me only pushes me farther away. He literally tried to pressure me into sex right after we watched that Nickolodean documentary and it brought up some memories I had of being sexually assaulted as a teenager so I foolishly thought I could talk to him about that…What kind of person thinks that is okay? I don't know what to do. I am so sorry that you are in this position also. It's so hard because like you, I do love him but I also feel like I'm giving up so much of myself in this relationship now. I can't express myself, can't try and cuddle with him because then he gropes me for sex, can't talk to him about anything that isn't positive lest I set him off and cause a temper tantrum where he breaks the desk, kitchen table, or his phone. I would have never in a thousand years thought he was abusive until very recently, and it's so scary how someone I've known so intimately for literally all of my adult life can suddenly flip a switch and become someone I do not recognize. I have called my mom and I do plan on leaving at the very next instance of anger, because I truly am afraid and I have a pit in my stomach right now.

No. 407496

Thank you for this. I just burst out crying because it really does sound like him. I said it in another response but he kept this side of him hidden for so many years, and it's been a kind of sudden development. He was always so calm and relaxed, and now he is just so angry at the littlest thing, and his anger just keeps escalating. He has broken so many things in our home, and he hits himself and screams as loud as he can, and it just scares me that the next place he's going to lose his temper is onto me. But it's so tough to reconcile because this is not the person I married and knew for so many years. I thought maybe he was depressed because they say male depression comes out in anger but he refuses to go to therapy, and there isn't anything I can do to help him if he doesn't see the problem. It's just so scary because I don't know where this came from and I hate feeling like I have to be on eggshells around him 24/7.

No. 407509

Mine also thought not asking for weeks was the solution, instead of listening to me and just not coercing me. Our relationship was also great until I got sick and couldn't have daily sex anymore. I would have never thought he would betray and discard me like he did.
My dumbass moid once tried to initiate sex after watching the Epstein documentary. He has also tried to pressure me into sex after seeing me cry and suffer all day from my illness. I told him about my childhood sexual abuse too thinking it would help him understand why coercing me was not ok, and it did absolutely nothing lmao. That one actually surprised me. I don't understand how they can have so little empathy and awareness of other peoples' feelings. All men truly are the same and it's so depressing. I gave him permission to tell his friends about our issues and my extremely personal illness because I thought they would tell him it's not ok to coerce women, but they did the opposite. They told him it was normal, and then he tried to use that in an argument. At that point I flat out told him he disgusted me and from that point on I only referred to the friend that told him this as "the rapist" but even that didn't make him stop. This dumb motherfucker would tell me "but if you say my friend is a rapist, then I would be a rapist too", yeah no shit retard.
Leaving is going to suck and it's going to be so sad because you still love him and you think he can change. I hate that men are such sex pests and cannot think beyond their fucking dicks. I hope he regrets doing this to you for the rest of his life, I hope one day he wakes up and realizes he lost you and cries and regrets it until the day he dies bitter and alone.

No. 407557

You might love him but he doesnt love you. In fact, he hates you and only views you as a sex toy. Would you pressure someone you loved into sex while they were terrified? Would you break things and "fly into a rage"(its not real rage its pretend to scare you into doing what he wants, he is in full control the whole time) to get sex? No, because those are the behaviours of a man who absolutely despises you.

No. 407613

File: 1718884011101.jpg (18.56 KB, 333x250, 561a35b26b5b0010ec011079ecaa9c…)

What are some subtler signs of bpd or any other similar disorder tbh in a moid? I'm beginning to think mine is showing behaviors that fit the description but all I find online is that bpdmoids are physically abusive drug addicts who lie constantly. Mine is nowhere near that bad, so it's hard to find examples to compare to. I want to know what the issue might be though so it doesn't feel like entering uncharted territory.

No. 407617

This thread depresses me seeing what women put up with, reminds me I need to use a filter and hide these thread

No. 407618

>My job, our finances, all of our bills, pets, everything is tied up in our relationship.
It doesnt have to be though. You can have a life away from this man.

No. 407621

>My dumbass moid once tried to initiate sex after watching the Epstein documentary.

this is my pet peeve i hate when moids try to initiate sex after watching something sexual or taboo on tv that made them horny. i realized that men dont even think its insulting to do this because they show men doing this in a lot of mainstream tv shows as if its normal to pressure your wife for sex after watching teenage gymnasts jumping around or seeing documentaries on sex offenders

No. 407623

You're right anon. Everything you said, I think I knew deep down but ignored. Except I didn't consider that he was pretending to be angry, but that's even more scary because that is a different level of manipulative. Seeing it written out like that helps a lot, thank you for this.

No. 407634

It's despair-inducing, isn't it? The other thought I had was just how low and even non-existant their empathy is. When nona mentioned how he would "pressure me into sex after seeing me cry and suffer all day from my illness," it angered me how moids can't imagine themselves in the plights that we face. They feel better after having sex and think sex is the correct answer to solve something, but they can't bother to compute the fact that women think differently and operate differently than them. I'm angry that he didn't extend some comforting words or held her without any sexual advances. Yet they think that at the end of day, sex is a given for them. How pathetic.

No. 407639

Sad truth is that a lot of men simply see their gfs as sex dispensers/cum receptacles and little more than that.

The chores women do, extra income she brings, affection she gives, the way she coddles him and supports his stupid decision making process etc are just bonuses, and men feel they 'put up with' their gfs emotions (gross) and shudder (god forbid), her personality too, in order to sustain their regular access to a warm hole.

Once the woman takes access to her holes away from her moid, watch how fast they turn. A lot of men would have absolutely no problem replacing their gf with a brainless insentient sexbot because sex is the only thing they really care about. It's also why men will throw meaningful deep emotional relationships and marriages of 10,20,30,40 years away for a fling with a silly young bimbo.

Gfs generally bring countless upsides for men, but bfs and husbands are generally dead weight and more trouble than they are worth, unless they're especially wealthy, generous, supportive etc, (which is the very rare exception to the rule).

No. 407728

No. 407806

File: 1718934884712.jpeg (50.78 KB, 720x710, 9B89CEA1-CFBA-4D21-9B0D-506D82…)

I feel disgusted by the fact my bf has had sex with other women before me.

No. 407816

where can i find a virgin qt nigel bf kek

No. 407820

On incel boards and chans, but theyre all disgusting and porn rotted wursties.

No. 407827

Can you explain this image

No. 407828

Girl on the far left is a pure virginal tradwife. Her bf is on the right fucking Stacy and has 3 other Stacies lined up that he will fuck before settling for the pure virginal trad girl. She is getting his used up rotten winky in exchange for her virtue. It's a sad reality for many women.

No. 407843

Looking at this pic makes me trip balls

No. 407845

>ib tards
you are out of your mind none are cute or nigel material kek

No. 407879

i’m realizing i need to break up with my boyfriend right now (dating since november.) i’m scared of him, he’s been violent, he never has anything nice to say to me. he’s 30 years old, and he lied to me about his age and told me he was 25 at first. he calls me ugly and dumb, and tells me that he’s not attracted to me and is disgusted by my body because “i look like a little child” and it makes him feel pedophilic. i’m 19 . he bitched me out for my clothes over and over because he thinks i dress “really young, like 13” and “people will think im a pedophile if you don’t dress like you’re older.” i never dressed super childlike or anything, i always wore normal things like jeans and sweaters. he wouldn’t stop bringing up how much he hated my clothes until i bought more revealing dresses and etc. he tells me he won’t let me “waste my time” on making friends or signing up for volunteering/uni events i want to do, because “he should be the most important person in my life.” I JUST LEARNED HE HAS STALKING ALLEGATIONS FROM HIS EX, AND SHE FILED A POLICE REPORT BECAUSE HE SHOWED UP AT HER HOUSE AND HARASSED HER ONLINE. he lied to me a lot about this ex, and i had thought he was the one to break up with her. she was actually the one who left him. their breakup happened 3 months before i moved to this city. they only dated for 3 months too. he told me they were serious and long-term and made it sound like she was slightly less than his age. she’s only 19 this year so like 18 when they dated? someone finally told me this, and i’m chagrined. i had no idea. if i had known another woman was put in serious danger, i would never have made excuses for my own relationship as long as i did. i tried to break up with him before last month but it ended up with me apologizing to him, because he was acting like i was really hurting him. i’ve given up on talking to him about his behavior at this point. we do not live together, thank god. he kept pressuring me to try
to move in together asap, but i didn’t want to do it. i told him my parents wouldn’t approve of it. i live in university accommodations, so he can’t get into the building without a key card, but he can still wait for me outside on my street. i told my mom about my situation and other details i can’t post, and she also tells me to break up with him immediately. she’s scared for me. my family lives 12 hours away. there is no help. i don’t have any friends in this city who didn’t either meet us as a couple, or were his friends first. he has his own friends he knew before me, but i don’t. i’m retarded and i didn’t spend so much time at university outside of classes as i wish i had (because me “focusing on studying over my boyfriend hurt his feelings,” and “remembering i’m still a student” made him feel like a creep.) he also had me lie to his friends that i was 22. i don’t have any university friends my age. it’s summer now, so i can’t meet anybody in class. i must get out, but i am scared of what he could do. i found it really scary when he was physically violent with me before. he slapped me in the face and told me to shut the fuck up and called me names when i had tried to calmly talk to him about something. it would be easy for him to wait for me outside some places i have to regularly go. i want to dump him over text bc idk what he’ll do in real life. id that too shitty? when i tried to break up with him the first time he said “i won’t let you go” and laughed it off as a joke. i wish i could just drop out and go home, but i don’t want to give up on university. i don’t want leave this city yet, and i don’t want him to chase me away from my own life. i’m so mad that i met this guy almost immediately when i moved to study and he ruined my first year. i don’t understand how to actually break up with somebody. i don’t want to blame myself, i tried really hard. if i put the blame on him, i know he will become really angry as he hates being accused of things (when he slapped me it was because i had politely tried to talk about how i felt he was dismissing my emotions.) but if i don’t explain the breakup at all, what if he shows up outside my house or something.

No. 407880

Can't you go back to your parents for summer? If you tell them or imply what's going on I seriously doubt they wouldn't be accomodating

No. 407883

i could do that if it gets really bad and i can’t handle it. thanks, nonnie. i did sign a contract for the summer accommodations already, i’m not sure what to do about that. originally i was planning to stay for the summer to get a job but im retarded and ive sort of been too depressed/suicifal/lazy to have anything lined up already. i dont have any reason to stay except figuring out subletting or breaking the housing contract. my mom mostly knows what’s going on but i didn’t tell her he hit me. i think my dad would be upset. mostly i would just feel like i failed if i had to run away from something like this. it was dumb of me to get into this situation and let it get this far. but there’s maybe not another option so yeah thanks again.

No. 407885

I know you're really young and scared, but please dump this loser via text rather than face-to-face. I'm concerned for you and his abusive tendencies. Under no circumstances should a boyfriend belittle you and lay his hand on you. It's embarrassing how he handled your first attempt at breaking up with him. He's only with you because he views you as young and naive, just another girl for him to manipulate and use for his own pleasure. In any case, do try to move to a different apartment or even find some random person within the unit to help you walk outside to make you feel safer. My friend was in an abusive relationship and had to deal with her creep of an ex wait for her outside, and she was scared and ended up asking a couple that lived down the hall if they could walk her out outside. You know what her ex did? Fucking nothing lol. The woman and the man were taller and more built than that twig faggot, and he just glared at her as she passed by, laughing with her new friends. Maybe your boyfriend will back down or have a different reaction, but it doesn't hurt to have some people to surround yourself with. Notify the police that your abusive ex is scaring you or threatening you if it gets to thar level. Notify someone, anyone. Go to your parents if you must. They should help look after you. I feel for you, and I hope you can escape this situation. You're good for noticing what a shithead he is and that you need to leave. Keep us updated on the escape.

No. 407891

thank you so much for your kind words, anon. they are really helpful and encouraging. these are good ideas. im not sure about moving apartments, i just moved into the summer accomodation apartment a month ago and i really like it, and i don't want to move unless i absolutely have to. i could maybe ask my neighbors for help if i need it. and i could get a flight home if im really scared. i can try to find different places to go, outside of my house, since he knows where i usually go to study/read and the park i walk in and stuff.
i don't know how he will react until i bite the bullet and dump him, i guess. so i need to just do it. i still don't know how exactly to word the text. ur right, i don't want to do it in person. so idk what to even say because i don't want to give him a reason to become angry, but i do not want to be so short and sudden that he will want to "try to change my mind and have a conversation," aka stalking. this is the excuse he told his friends about how he stalked his ex for a month after they broke up. his excuse was that she had dumped him suddenly and he was so shocked that she left him for no reason at all that he was just trying to confront her to get a final conversation for closure. i think his ex had a stronger personality than me. he told me she would pick fights with him for no reason, so she probably was just better at standing up for herself than me.
up until i learned about how he stalked his ex, i gave up on trying to leave him. i didn't think it was worth fighting, and i had a sense the breakup would be difficult, so i was like "ok i'll just try not to piss him off." idk. i shouldn't tolerate this treatment for myself, either. but when it comes to treatment of another woman, this is fucking unacceptable to me. i always want to stand up for other women, and i would feel morally evil to knowingly stay with a man who did that to someone else.
but, my texts to him are pretty neutral/positive lately, bc i'm not trying to piss him off. the last text i sent to him was "goodnight [heart emoji]" last night. and the next one would be a breakup text. i think he will see this as a major shock.
also, i told him once that my grandpa who passed away had bipolar disorder. and the first time i tried to break up with him, he tried to tell me he thinks i am genetically bipolar also, and that i wasn't acting like myself (i'm not diagnosed with anything and i'm not mentally ill.) and that he was very hurt because he knew i didnt really want to do this because hes the best thing in my life and the only person there for me, so i wouldnt actually be trying to break up if it wasnt like… mental illness? and im a retard so i just apologized for hurting him and "not valuing him" or something. kms. so if he does try to do anything, it could be justified with this. or saying he did so much for me. but i never asked him to be the only person in my life. i'm not happy with it. i actually WOULD have other people in my life if he didn't discourage me from making friends. like when i wanted to ask some classmates to hang out he would always be like "they are so boring and immature, you're wasting your time with these dumbasses." then he would just get mad if i went to any of the university's events outside of classes instead of hanging out with him so i stopped going.
btw if i go home to my parents. it's 12 hours away, so he is obviously not going to follow me there (hopefully.) but he does have my parents' address. i hope he won't try to harass my parents somehow or bring them into this in any way.
this is another thing i forgot about -parents' address reminded me- and i am once again stunned at my retardation that i let this slide. when i had just arrived in this city, i was staying in a temporary place and i didn't have a mailing address, and my parents had to mail me some documents i forgot. so i asked him if my parents could send the package to his house instead. my mom sent the documents and also a gift for me. IN A BOX. my boyfriend did give me the documents, and the gift. but he gave all the items my mom sent separately. like, he opened my package, took all the items out of the box, and handed them to me one by one. wtf why did i overlook this.
sorry for the rant i just want to write this stuff down somewhere. its like almost noon here now, and im just ignoring his text notifications. and pretending to sleep in. ill have to either decide something to say, or ignore him today. i am so nervous. thank you nonnas for your support. wish me luck.

No. 407894

Can't you go back to your parents and break up over text from there? You're out of the money on that rent whether you stay or go.

No. 407898

they’re in the us and i’m in europe. i’m super close with my mom but my dad is very hard to get along with. he used to beat my mom and me and he kinda gets these rage fits. my dad told me not to date anyone at university because he never let me date in high school so he thought i would get taken advantage of. i wanted to go so far away bc i wanted to dramatically get away from my dad (stupid, bc i should’ve been able to be closer to my mother) and he knows very little about my life. my dad would be incredibly disappointed and angry with me that i disobeyed him, and got myself into this situation. if my boyfriend threatens me physically, i would go home. but id rather not unless i think hes honestly about to kill me or something. going home to see my mom would be lovely but i dont want to deal with all this also. it’s also the sense of pride and not wanting to feel like i have failed, by getting into this mess when i was told otherwise. sorry for all the blogs. it sounds increasingly pathetic as i type it out kek

No. 407900

>i can try to find different places to go, outside of my house, since he knows where i usually go to study/read and the park i walk in and stuff.
Good thinking on going to new places. It doesn't hurt to venture out to a new cafe and not have to deal with him looking for you.
>so idk what to even say because i don't want to give him a reason to become angry, but i do not want to be so short and sudden that he will want to "try to change my mind and have a conversation," aka stalking.
Think on this one for a while and look up examples other people used online. You could possibly do a "woe is me, I have depression/cancer/etc and you deserve so much better, I can't handle this, I need to be alone, etc" I don't know if that would work on him, but you could play into his ego and trick him somehow like that.
>she had dumped him suddenly and he was so shocked that she left him for no reason at all… he told me she would pick fights with him for no reason
This is such a glaring red flag. She found her way out, and it really is best sometimes not to be specific about why you're breaking up because the guy will learn to hide things better or manipulate you/others around about how you're in the wrong. She stood up for herself, and he gaslights others to think she was picking fights lmao. Tale as old as time.
>i never asked him to be the only person in my life. i'm not happy with it. i actually WOULD have other people in my life if he didn't discourage me from making friends. like when i wanted to ask some classmates to hang out he would always be like "they are so boring and immature, you're wasting your time with these dumbasses." then he would just get mad if i went to any of the university's events outside of classes instead of hanging out with him so i stopped going.
Wow, I have no words. This is a huge red flag of an abuser. Alienating you from other people, not letting you make any new friends at events, and making you dependent on him is egregious. No wonder his ex just ran.
>i hope he won't try to harass my parents somehow or bring them into this in any way.
As long as you explain things to your parents, everything will be fine. At most, they'll throw away his mail or whatever. Maybe they'll file it away as evidence. In any case, you'll be fine with them for the time being on break. Sorry for the long reply with quotes, but I sincerely hope you can get away from this loser preying on younger women. Best wishes.

No. 407901

File: 1718966767456.jpg (47.98 KB, 612x408, gettyimages-74709169-612x612.j…)

I never had a bf and I am not young. It is cause I am bulimic. I know it is really fucked up but I can't stop it no matter how much I've tried keeping food down makes me want to seriously not be alive anymore

One girl in mpa said her bf is ok with it but this I super rare everyone else said their bf were ok with them being underweight and starving themselves but would use the purging against them

my existence is so disgusting

No. 407913

I read your other post also and I could literally be reading my own words from seven years ago. Is your moid Italian by any chance seriously, down to the lying about age. I had to flee from my ex and go back to the states and it ruined my chances at my dream career so I really REALLY don’t want you to have to forfeit your university experience for this loser. I’m so sorry. My advice is perhaps come up with a plausible lie that would keep him from contacting you like “I really want/need to focus on my studies and mental health going forward, and you’re too old for me.” Yes, I’m serious. Tell him you realized he’s just too old for you and you’re sorry but you need to be around your peers. Then block him on everything and put safety protocols in place like other nonnas suggested, like telling your parents about the physical abuse and making friends with some neighbors. I’m so serious, if a young woman approached me in my building and asked for help/some bodyguarding from her abusive ex I would help in a heartbeat. I bet there is at least one cool lady who would help you out ♥ wishing you so much goodness and strength, this loser is not going to wreck your life

No. 407914

>i still don't know how exactly to word the text. idk what to even say because i don't want to give him a reason to become angry,
Oh my god nona you’re in the mind trap he set for you and you don’t even know it. Free yourself. There is nothing you can do to manage his feelings or behavior about this. Absolutely nothing. No matter what you do he is going to react badly and say it’s your fault. Brutal honesty is the best way. “I hate your fucking guts, you’re abusive and you fucking hit me, so we are through forever” is all you need to tell him. Counter his mind games with full clarity.
Tell your campus security he hit you and you just broke up and to watch out for him because he’s apparently a stalker.
Tell everyone with extreme bluntness and in short phrases what he did. Say “he hit me in the face so I broke up with him.” Add your own phrasing as you see fit but keep it short and don’t shy away from it. This is his fault not yours. You need people to know, you need to get to them first before he does because he’s clearly good at manipulating. Campaign for yourself and smear him.
Everyone will understand this and take your side immediately if you keep it short. Even if they don’t know the full dynamics they will immediately understand he fucked up and you wouldn’t want to have a reconciliation with him. You can lie about the timing to make it seem like you broke up with him as soon as he hit you (this will make you look better and save face, and if he argues about it being a lie because he actually hit you like two weeks ago or whatever he will be admitting to it and making himself look bad kek).

No. 407920

File: 1718975267142.webp (15.74 KB, 680x311, 2gultu3xrfjc1.png)

it is done! omg. i did it by text. i just sent it 10 mins ago. thank u all for the encouragement and for helping put this shit into perspective for me, anons. i dont have much of a female community in real life (though i hope to change this) so your advice is really valuable to me ♥ i was so incredibly anxious before i sent the stupid text, hyperventilating and shit. i sent it, and i thought i'd become more anxious waiting for his response. but a weight feels totally lifted and i got some kind of adrenaline rush. he will likely still try to do something, and will probably go on to harass me. i expect this and it scares me a little bit, but ill do my best to fight it. i sent his picture, name, and a list of all the shit he has done to some of my trusted friends from back home and to my mom. and i will record and document everything he does in the future. ill call the police if i have to, but i hope it doesnt come to that. i also will send his name and picture to the security of my housing building.
kek this asshole just hid his tg online status and read reciepts so hes pretending he hasn't seen it yet
i'm so sorry that happened to you too, anon, and that your dream career was stolen from you. i hope that you have a fulfilling, enjoyable career and life now. i'll try hard not to let him ruin my university experience. i ended up going pretty much with what you said. that i need to focus on studying and mental health, and i came here for university so that should be my main focus. so i am not interested in continuing a relationship with him. i didn't end up mentioning the age gap because im aware he gets pissed off when "women don't have a real reason to break up and use an age gap as an excuse to hurt a man" (retard.) i told him i want no contact going forward.
not italian kek hes from azerbaijan
thank you so much. your blunt, short phrase is exactly what i will use! i'll start to tell the people i know about what he has done.
tysm and best wishes to you also for taking the time to do a really kind reply

No. 407923

I wish I was Avril Lavigne

No. 407925

I’m so proud of you nonna!!! I’m glad you know the storm is likely not fully passed yet but revel in this moment of strength and power. You made the choice to choose yourself and you did it!! I hope your experiences at uni going forward are awesome and you are able to find some friends to get close with in your new city as well. The moid will wallow and thrash aboht in his death throes til he finds someone else to latch onto, hopefully nobody will take him though. and yes I do have a fulfilling career now (finally) thank you for being a sweetheart ♥

No. 407927

Based. I'm so happy for you, nona! You are going to feel so much better with this dead weight off of you. You did well in being curt with your reply and reasoning. He was from azerbaijan? The only moids I've seen from there were the typical "trad" and misogynistic types that intimidated women. Focus on your studies and don't let creeps in to your circle. Be the protective woman over yourself, first and foremost.

No. 407962

my fiance has now been ignoring me for two days (we live together and both work from home so it's extremely uncomfortable) and today I just learned my parents had to put down my last remaining childhood cat. I've been crying all day and all I want is some comfort from him but our entire reason for arguing in the first place is that he doesn't support me or comfort me when I'm ill or sad.
At this point I don't know if it's worth being the one to reach out again, talking him through everything for the tenth time and just waiting to have this argument again in a few months. Every time I think he finally gets it, but every time I get unwell he starts up the same routine of not wanting to hang out but instead making elaborate meals and saying I should feel grateful for them (I don't want elaborate meals when I'm ill, I just want him to be near me; this is a chronic thing and not anything contagious, so I don't see why we can't hang out).
Maybe I'm feeling more serious about this than I should because I'm on my period, ill and grieving my cat. I find it so hard to tell if I'm being reasonable or not. Is it stupid not to like his form of giving comfort (which really is just cooking meals; but I know that's what his parents did for him when he was a child, too, and it does seem to be a cultural thing for Asians) and be upset he can't comfort me how I'd prefer? Am I being an asshole for not appreciating his attempt at support?

No. 407967

Ignoring you for any reason is not normal, no. If he does this he's emotionally immature or has some sort of issue he needs to work through.

No. 407975

My bf only calls me pretty, beautiful, gorgeous etc when im naked and doing sexual stuff with him.

When im clothed i get “you look nice” “you look good” like he’s complimenting a friend or grandmother.

Am i overthinking this or is he an asshole? Because its been fucking with my self esteem and i told him twice to start calling me pretty etc outside the bedroom. And i get a “you look nice” AGAIN. Im 35 and hes 31 btw.

No. 408045

Someone who ignores you for days in your own home, makes you feel uncomfortable in your own home and who has died (ten times) on the hill of not needing to give basic 101 partner support to you has no business being called a fiance. That title is him larping as more of a grown up than he is. If you wanna ignore your partner for days on end.. shit's doomed but at least don't live with them. Nobody needs to be paying rent and bills, playing house/pretend-commitment just to cycle back and forth through being ignored and having the same argument for the tenth time with no change

No. 408092

I don’t know any man on earth who cooks elaborate meals for his gf as a way of showing care. I know an older guy who does it because food is his hobby but in no way has it ever been a care thing, actually he’s kind of annoying about it if you don’t care about the food as much as he does and have tasting notes on his dishes. You found a weird one. Food as care is a very female coded thing sorry to say, men just aren’t socialized like that at all. He might be lying.

No. 408096

Not really true. Depends on his culture, personality and upbringing. Some moids really love to cook it’s not a coincidence all those famous chefs are overwhelmingly male.

No. 408101

>. Some moids really love to cook it’s not a coincidence all those famous chefs are overwhelmingly male.
Bitch please. You can't be seriously thinking the reason media makes male chefs famous is because they're SO much more talented than the women. All they do is steal their grandma's recipes and everyone licks their balls. A female gordon ramsey would've been bullied off TV decades ago for being a "blonde Karen bitch." You sound like faghags claiming men are so just sooo much more fashionable. Fuck off. All of your favorite recipes were invented by a woman. Have some respect for yourself

No. 408103

Actually I agree with your post from the getgo and you probably already knew that, but you’re just a hostile retard looking for an infight. Some of you bored bitches really have nothing better to do.

No. 408105

This reminded me of a girl who does FTM porn, she's seen as this holy beacon of passing but still bends over backwards baking elaborate pies to impress her mother in law. You can't escape the caste system with hormones, shitty unpaid labor is still your duty. I honestly feel bad for her

No. 408108

No actually you were being obtuse and lying out of your ass(infihgting)

No. 408120

What kind of chronic thing are we talking about?

No. 408134

Your future husband is supposed to be your partner through and through. If he has the emotional depth of a puddle and he's not capable of providing comfort and support I don't think your marriage will be a good one. You need someone that works with you, not against you. Ignoring anyone, let alone someone you want to spend the rest of your life with, is insane.
While other anons have been theorizing of cooking being his way of providing care - has he ever expressed that? Make him use big boy sentences and words and articulate this, but frankly I think this shouldn't be something you have to "make" him do, a competent human being would've already vocalized this ages ago.

No. 408184

Meals being his comfort language is actually the original poster’s theory. I was speculating it might be unrelated to comforting her because I’ve never met a man who cooked in a selfless way. I agree with you she should make him say it because I wonder if she’s just assuming it.
also mildly suspicious this is one of those posts where the genders are reversed

No. 408197

>I’ve never met a man who cooked in a selfless way
Okay but who cares who you’ve met they still exist in the real objective world

No. 408198

You're right, but I highly doubt OP's moid is doing it to comfort her. People who choose to cook to comfort others tend to be very warm, loving, and caring people. Probably he's cooking shit for himself and he gives OP leftover food and pretends he did it all specifically for her.

No. 408217

Sure but obviously not this guy. Telling her she should be grateful for it… like, come on kek this man isn’t expressing his love language or something, he’s an ass.

No. 408218

my bf does, but he always had interest in cooking and i'm some kind of challenge to him due to being vegetarian (he isn't) and liking bland food. i don't have too much experience with moids, but making clear you won't cook shit for them really helps. if you tell them and they are interested in you, they will try to court you by making dinner.

No. 408231

Well nonnies we broke up again. He didn't want to go to therapy and doesn't think he has been pressuring me. He just can't have empathy for me.
Years ago I had seen some messages he sent about wanting to fuck other girls he knew, and when I called him out on it he said he "didn't remember" and that I was "imagining it" until I showed him screenshots. Then he said it was just banter between men. Fuck this gross moid I wish I had never met him.

No. 408235

So no advice on this at all? Okay cool.

No. 408241

You sound extremely insecure and should work on your self-esteem, but at the same time compliments should be given freely and you shouldn't need to beg for them. I can already tell this isn't just about the compliments but he probably in general isn't romantic or sweet at all to you. Why are you with him?
>i told him twice to start calling me pretty etc outside the bedroom
So he can't even listen to something so basic that doesn't even take effort to do, throw him out.

No. 408258

It’s you, you’re the problem. I can tell through the computer screen that you’re needy and insecure and you have a passive aggressive communication style that’s not doing you any favors.
I mean odds are he also sucks because 1.) you’re dating him and 2.) he’s male, so you won’t be doing anything wrong by dumping him and maybe you should. but most likely this problem is going to happen again because it’s a you problem on a deeper level.

No. 408269

>When im clothed i get “you look nice” “you look good” like he’s complimenting a friend or grandmother.
I'm inclined to say that him not constantly sexualizing you when you're in regular clothes going about your day is not a bad thing. But it's hard to say for sure when you're missing the context of tone etc.

No. 408313

So I fucked up and made a mistake and he’s been really understanding about my issues in the past but this time he just made a passive aggressive remark. I apologized but he hasn’t said anything to me in like 24 hours and I legitimately think he’s ignoring me or something because we typically talk every day.
The longer this goes on the more I feel angry because it feels like he’s acting like a stereotypical teenage girl. Idk what to do and this entire day I’ve just felt terrible.

No. 408359

Awesome job. Late to the party but have to give my praise, you're too young for this shit and he knows that. He's a fucking creep, sorry to say. Hope you find someone who will treat you with respect next time, but make sure to give yourself space to be alone and reflect on it fully so you don't carry unresolved baggage into your next relationship.

No. 408362

>I made a mistake but he bad
Idk anon without more context you're not making this look good for yourself.

No. 408401

File: 1719141374108.jpeg (89.8 KB, 698x658, download.jpeg)

Are relationships with men meant to be covertly transactional in that we as women find a man who is kind and likes us a lot and treats us really well, who is hopefully not entirely hideous to look at, and then we "choose" to like him back because of the stability he can provide, or maybe a desire for children, or just tired of the dating world. We don't really feel passion or immense attraction towards him but can bring ourselves to have sex with him once or twice a month to keep him happy, and since he is providing for us we have time to find and pursue our own passions and get a sense of fulfillment we aren't getting from the relationship with him from other relationships in our life, be that our children or friendships, fostering kittens, creating a garden, furnishing our home beautifully, with the money and safety he provides.
I'm scared that this is what relationships for women have always really been, and that women "in love" are just making a logically sound choice when faced with the possibility of never meeting a man they feel real attraction and desire for. There's a lot of talk about romance being overrated, love being a choice, and that relationships are happiest when the man loves the woman more.
As I get a little older, still not old by any means but old enough that societal pressures have begun, when I turn away "good men" who I know would provide me with anything I ask but in my heart of hearts know i do not and would never grow to love them, because my affection can't be bought though it would sure be easier if it could, I believe im making the right choice but the doubts are there.
Am I going to be left behind by delusionally holding out for something that no one ever really finds anyway? I'm not afraid of being alone, but I don't want to make a misguided choice. Do you think most women settle for a man she knows will be loyal and she can "control" and reap the benefits of his adoration for her while getting joy from other areas in her life, or are most of the relationships around us genuine love, desire, and attraction between two people?

No. 408407

No that’s just living in a patriarchy. Those “societal pressures” you’re noticing now that you’re older are getting to you, that’s how it works. No idea where you live or who is around you so I can’t say what kind of relationship most of them are in. Would it change what you personally do if you found out most of them were in love genuinely? Would you also seek that? What if you found out most of them are in pragmatic relationships and not in love? Would you then decide to do that? If you’re not in a really oppressive patriarchal society and literally forced into a relationship with a man you can choose whatever you want. Don’t cave to the pressure you’re feeling if your gut says it’s wrong.

No. 408425

>who I know would provide me with anything I ask
You don’t actually even know that. Lifelong doting stems from a shared experience of love, not either form of desperation. This is unnecessary guilt and using that pressure to bully yourself by thinking you don’t deserve to feel infatuation/arousal/desire in your own love-story. Mutual passion is not odd, the inverse is, on top of also being a waste of your own effort. Yes you could just go along with anything but that’d be you choosing to reject more suitable guys you haven’t met yet—including that person if they can become someone you like without having to try or lie about it. It’s all pretend and disrespectful to both parties because there’s more suitable women he could go and fall for.
>relationships are happiest when the man loves the woman more
This saying is about the man being inexplicably, indisputably loving, openly honest and doting before trusting him with more serious things. Men probably don’t always express or prove devotion as readily as some women might, even when the woman has more lukewarm feelings. The concept is just trusting rather than wanting him to catch you before falling. It’s more about security, validation and stages of romance though, you should still be into the guy on your own part or there’s no point. Nothing good comes from settling, nobody will enjoy that.

No. 408538

All relationships in life are transactional. You love your parents because they provide care for you (hopefully). When that need is not met, most people (understandably) dont really feel love for their parents. Likewise, people have friendships with others because they get something out of it: socializing gives them a dopamine hit, maybe their friends give them support, make them laugh, feel good etc. You generally dont wanna hang out with people unless they make you feel good right? And yes romantic relationships aren't any different. The whole basis of physical attraction is basically your brain sizing up another human being and deciding how good their genetic material is, deciding whether its compatible with yours.

Men are attracted to youth and fertility signals in women. Likewise women are attracted to handsome men because handsome men generally have qualities that indicate good genes and healthy offspring. Ugly and older people are mostly shunned from the dating world because their genetic material is not seen as valuable, but of course most people do end up settling for whatever situation is the 'best' they can get.

Most men want a virgin 18 year old Stacy with perfect boobs and wide hips and a bubble butt but realistically she isnt going to want them unless they have something to offer her.

Likewise most women want a tall handsome loyal rich husband but barely any of those men exist in the real world so most women will end up settling for whatever is the runner-up and how good she can get it.

All humans are pretty selfish and seek out transactional situations that can benefit them.

No. 408559

I've been seeing this guy for a bit over two months now, and we get along great, but… Everytime we get intimate, he finishes almost instantly after the first thrust. He swears this has never happened to him with anyone else before, so I guess I should feel very flattered, but honestly, it's starting to get a bit frustrating by now. I know he was into porn and OF content years ago, he has admitted this much to me. Do you think this could also be a byproduct of being pornsick?

No. 408561

I mean ideally what are you looking for?

No. 408562

On what planet does a guy have once a month duty sex with someone and in turn he adores you, provides you with everything, beautiful home and all the funds to pursue your passions, loves you more than you could ever love him and stays loyal.

No. 408564

>Do you think most women settle for a man she knows will be loyal and she can "control" and reap the benefits of his adoration for her while getting joy from other areas in her life
God i wish. It's a little sad (if we assume actual affection is absent from this relationship) but it'd be better than the more common reality of women being extremely invested in their boyfriends/husbands who really couldn't care less and are happy to have a maid/bangmaid/mom for their kids etc. This is why older women advise younger ones to find a man who 'loves them more', it's more of a calculated attitude than absolute advice. I've had women tell me i need to never ever tell a man i like him (because that would be a loss of power) only to fall for men and pursue them in their own oblique way. It's really about not seeming desperate. The truth is, we are humans and need genuine affection to sustain a relationship. Yes, women are more pragmatic and ultimately relationships should always be mutually beneficial, but if you don't have that initial spark, that silly feeling of wanting someone so badly and not understanding why, you'll be bitter and resentful of yourself and your husband/bf. And it won't go away, even if your material situation is objectively good, even if your domestic life is cozy.
And >>408425 is right, infatuation and arousal is necessary. I really think the attitude you're describing is a holdover of the times when women didn't have a say in who they married (often) but you don't have to settle like that.

No. 408566

I mean does he stop after he finishes or does he actually reciprocate and help you out?

No. 408570

He tried to eat me out a few times after the fact, but it didn't really do much for me. It might have been because I was feeling so frustrated. In general he'll either zone out in a weird, self-defeating way, or get defensive in a weird, annoying way.

No. 408572

In my experience knowing some married couples and divorced people, the former is true, while you may have some glimmers of "unconditional love" and initial honeymoon phase attraction, the majority of the relationship is not enjoyable and blissful as romance appears to be on the outside. However, I think this is a flawed thought because men aren't ever really loyal, nor are they completely submitted to the whims of their wife. They may give women the illusion of being controllable or devoted to only them, but man's biological instinct is to conquer, move on, conquer, move on, and rack up new "accomplishments". If they feel they've conquered you with marriage or a stable relationship, after so long they become antsy and unfulfilled in life, whereas a woman can stay devoted albeit bored with the same man for the rest of her life. Knowing this, I can understand why some women stay with men for the residual benefits. Men are unpredictable and it is not in their nature to be loyal, it really doesn't benefit them to be stagnant so long, especially if the wife is not a trophy to show off. In my opinion it isn't worth it to give my body away to a man for the few benefits it may provide. You may get extremely lucky and pick a needle from a haystack. The man may be attractive and nice and wealthy. But it isn't worth searching for the needle when the haystack is filled with violent at worst, boring at best men.

No. 408575

You’re forgetting that women always have options and the opportunity but men do not. Even if men want to play away and cheat, the fact is most of them simply can’t, unless they’re especially rich or good looking.

No. 408582

I've met a lot of men like this. Men really only care about looks and I have some interests that men like so they tend to fall for me. Not bragging, it's men I'm not interested in, but are decent enough to make me question if im making the wrong choice by not choosing to be with them. It's not like I have a line of men exactly my type falling at my feet. I know moids would say I'm going to die alone with cats or whatever because I'm waiting for Chad but that's not the case. I'm exactly the stereotype of what incels mald about online, a girl who knows her worth and doesn't want to settle down to be a baby factory for a "beta buxxer" because I still have SMV, though they'd try to say being nearly 30 makes me undesirable lol.
I tried dating a guy when i was
younger who was a bit older than me, wealthy and obsessed with me at first, above average in looks though not my type. I lived in a very expensive area in a home he paid for, after a while he became verbally/lowkey physically abusive. I think im scarred from that shit.

No. 408590

They are basically unicorns but they do exist. There’s certain types of men who just need and love female company and will do anything to be around a woman. They’re not gay but they can sometimes come across somewhat feminine because they spend so much time with women or at least try to and sort of absorb female energy.

I haven’t personally dated these kinds of men but I have seen other women land them. I’m not sure if I would say the woman is lucky or not to have these guys, but both he and her usually seem pretty happy with the arrangement so it works.

No. 408655

Dump. Early stages still, it’s fine to break it off due to sexual incompatibility. It would be one thing if this was a temporary, it would almost be cute, but it keeps happening and he’s got no backup plan or follow through. Completely workable issue but he has to actually do something different not just let it keep happening and it sounds like he’s not trying which is very unattractive. Do not stay with him to fix this just break it off.

No. 408667

2-3 day response time used to be normal pre internet dopamine brain rot era. Maybe she’s just not glued to her screens and you are. Sounds like she has a full life.
Your post is confusing because you say you haven’t planned anything then you say you have a meeting planned so which is it?

No. 408673

A history of being that pornsick usually has the opposite effect. Him acting defensive and zoning out afterwards is why I'd be cautious but would gtfo. Maybe bullshit him about the reason for dumping. Not for his egos sake but for yours. After only 2 months of dating.. you don't need to find yourself on the receiving end of finding out just how deep his defensiveness runs when it comes to this.

No. 408678

She isn't as interested as you think unless she's some eccentric hyper-offline person (which wouldn't be a bad thing imo) or has ADHD maybe.

No. 408693

If you have plans for Friday then you’re good. What would you even be messaging about? To double triple confirm it? Do you not know where you’re meeting or what you’re doing?
How did you two meet?

No. 408737

I've slept with new moid 2/3 times now, and I'm getting worried because 3/3 times I've given him the head of his dreams, and he's not put his face anywhere near my cunt. At what point do I ask 'what gives'? I had an ex once who wouldn't go down on me because he said he was a super taster, and at this point in my life I'm not sure I want to get involved with anyone who categorically won't eat me out. What should I do/say?

No. 408739

He sounds like a typical scumbag who acts like a perfect match until you're emotionally attached then shows his true face. He won't stop at going through your phone and sending a message pretending to be you (extremely invasive and creepy btw), he'll keep testing and diminishing your boundaries. Your observations are completely right, he is guilting you, not only with his rape baby sob story but also when he had you comfort him after he violated your privacy. Trust yourself and dump him. He'll most likely cause a scene when you do and try to get you to stay, so you should break up over text for emotional distance from him.

No. 408746

If a guy isn't dying to go down on you first he is gay. GAY. Pornsick guys will let you give them head, guys with a healthy sexuality would say "but I want to make you feel good instead."

No. 408756

Amen, sister.

No. 408760

I'm assuming from context that the dick isn't anything worth writing home about either… Raise your sex performance standards, girls.

No. 408761

I think this uWu my pure foregasming unicorn flatters me so much with his useless dick uWu thing is a massive and frankly embarassing psyop. I guess other women might find this scenario flattering once or twice, but if you still feel that way after a while, please consider seeing a psychiatrist. Look, if we are having sex, the very least I expect is, well, sex? I don't want godawful sex or no sex at all. A guy not cumming much (who cares) is fine if he knows what he is doing. My SO's drizalma dick hasn't let me or itself down so far. Real flattery lies in a man going berserk over my body and moving mountains to please me without even thinking because he fell in deep for my pussy and is completely bewitched by my body. That moid I dated giving me instapumps after I'm already turned the f on? THAT is what made me feel like a disposable fleshlight being used by a vile masturbator. This kind of sex is so anti-climatic that even the post-coital part is terrible. You can't carnally bond over not getting properly fucked. Also, since the topic has been raised as well, in my experience partners who provide good to excellent penetration also give good to excellent head and prelims, not the foregasmers. Please don't fall for this flattery moid cope. Sex is a priority. If the dick is doing the sucking, leave.

No. 408766

Honestly you’re right. I said what I said because in a ten year relationship this happened maybe 3 times and it was just something I laughed about (out loud when it happened and he laughed too and obviously we kept having sex) but in no way should this be normalized or considered flattering, it’s kind of a basic performance issue. If it’s a chronic problem this man needs a game plan, honesty, and a very understanding woman, not whatever lies he's trying to make her swallow about how it totally never happens.

No. 408768

My heart agrees, but my soul says he is very inexperienced and anxious. The dick is nice but I admit he doesn't really know what to do with it. However, he still tries, just like he could still try with his mouth. I want to be fair to a slightly younger vastly more inexperienced guy that I like as a person, just wondering how to approach it, or otherwise when to cut my losses.

No. 408770

Just ask/tell him straight up.

No. 408782

How do you get over being disrespected in an argument? In normal conversations, my boyfriend is extremely sweet and compliments me on how intelligent and amazing I am, how much he learns from me, he genuinely listens to everything I say, but when we have a disagreement about something he does that I don't like, he becomes a whiny little snob. He acts passive aggressive, tries to pick holes in my logic, and brings up things that I supposedly do instead of just taking the criticism and moving on. I find this extremely disrespectful. He's my personal ass kisser up until I give him fair criticism and then his stubborn moid ego kicks in. I can't look at him the same anymore because now I know when we disagree he acts like any other retarded scrote throwing a mantrum. He's aware of it and he promises he'll fix it, but I'm starting to resent him for this.

Can't help but think everything he says about loving me and adoring me is BS now, and that when he disagrees with me he's showing his true self. That the compliments are empty words and him trying to butter me up, and when he can step up and show me with actions that he actually values and respects my opinion, like when we disagree, he fails to do so. What do I do? I talked to my friends about him but all they said was "every couple disagrees, just deal with it." But I've personally never seen a happy relationship where the man is disagreeing with the woman instead of taking what she says to heart.

No. 408784

If you're going to leave PLEASE tell him it's because he won't eat you. Don't entertain those misogynist faggots, for the sake of his future girlfriends at least. This is your opportunity to teach him a lesson

No. 408794

I will never get to have children because you need to whore yourself out to men for a relationship. Even if you leave him with the kid and become a deadbeat mom you have to be his personal prostitute for a couple years. Men are so evil. They don't deserve hole

No. 408799

Okay, I'll address next time we're together, outside the bedroom. If he responds with anything less than outright remorse I will be doing as >>408784 says, it's my duty really. I see no reasonable explanation.

No. 408884

My ex/first love from high school got divorced and I’m so jealous. Not for the reason anyone would think, obviously. I’m jealous because I also want a divorce, but don’t make enough income to support myself on my own. I also have an ASD kid, which means having roommates would be a nightmare, for us and them. I’m so stuck, it’s not even funny. Fuck this economy. Fuck being a mother. Fuck being an adult in general. My life decisions have put me here and I kind of just feel like I deserve how shitty it is for making all of the wrong choices. I didn’t go to college when I should’ve, I had a kid when I shouldn’t have (though, I put this one more on the illegality of abortion where I’m from and having no familial support when I was young,) I married a fucking scrote. I guess this is more of a vent than a request for advice. I’ve more or less just accepted defeat. And while I did go back to college, it was just for a cert that would get me a mediocre paying job, nothing that could support both myself and a special needs child in this economy. I would love to tell any young nonnies here to avoid making the same mistakes I did, but I know from experience that the social conditioning of women is strong. I woke up to it far too late.

No. 408934

Should I still date a guy if he's a virgin with no experience in dating?

No. 408936

Maybe you already did this but if you’re serious you should consult a lawyer and try to get a realistic idea of what sort of money/child support payments your husband would pay after a divorce. That’s still his kid too even if you split and if you’re married half his money is yours.

No. 408947

The kid isn’t his, but my ex pays child support. It’s not a lot. Alimony has very specific requirements, usually you have to be married for 10+ years and the difference in both spouse’s income must be substantial. We meet neither of those. We’re poorfags who don’t have any assets to split. Even though we’ve been together for 7 years, he’s changed jobs about once a year and liquidated his retirement every time, so there isn’t even anything to get half of. His job hopping has never been for better pay. Anyway, if anyone here is considering getting married, make sure he’s rich/has good earning potential (or you do) in case things go sideways.

No. 408953

my husband is using every trick in the book to avoid helping me clean the house and I’m going to snap on him. The house is filthy and I’m tired of doing it myself. Yesterday we both had the whole day free and he wanted to drink a beer and go on a walk together. Past experience tells me that he would just go on a walk for three hours, come home drink another beer and then take a three hour nap and then the day would basically be over with no time to do anything but make dinner and go to sleep. I said I wanted to clean the house together because it’s in need of it, we need to go buy a mop and scrub down the surfaces etc in this house we just moved into that the landlord did not clean for shit. This totally ruined his day somehow and caused an argument because I refused to go on a walk and had a different plan, so he got extra drunk and just did nothing all day. I didn’t clean the house either because I’m sick of this shit. He had all Sunday off alone to do that sort of thing (which he did) so there was no need to do it again and waste his whole weekend. The floor literally is sticky and makes your feet black if you walk across it barefoot. Why the fuck would I just traipse across the city for a casual walk when our new house is like this? What is wrong with him? I swear he just wants me to do it myself while he’s at work because “sweeping aggravates my allergies and chemicals smell bad uwu” I’m gonna strangle him

No. 408954

Sorry you married that loser. If he's going to be a pain in the ass, then don't let him get off the hook for it. A lot of women just stop nagging their husbands and do it themselves, but fuck that. Make him suffer too. Never shut the fuck up until he actually helps out. And then if he does it wrong on purpose to get out of it, instruct him as if he's a child even if you have to do it over and over again. If he can't act like a grown man then he deserves to be emasculated.

No. 408957

I’m thinking of just leaving for about two weeks and telling him I’ll come back when it’s clean. I just deep cleaned the rental we left and got our full deposit back. It was his turn to clean this place for move in and he’s been here over a week without me and all he did was buy a broom (I don’t think he even used it.) I come here and it’s literally sticky. I’m tired I’m tired I’m tired I’m leaving tomorrow I’m so sick of this

No. 408960

Why did you have to clean your shared rental alone in the first place? Was he always like this? It will be hard for him to change if he's always been a lazy manchild that can't be bothered to do basic cleaning. The drinking problem doesn't help. I'm sorry you have to deal with all this nonnie, put your foot down and make him realize that he has to act and grow up.

No. 408963

That's definitely an option, my petty answer was only because I didn't think you'd leave. Like the other nonna said, you definitely have to put your foot down, but do you think he's actually clean if you weren't there? Will you end up coming back even if he doesn't?

No. 408964

Being a hetero woman is suffering. It’s either shit like this, but they’re otherwise loving/kind to you, or they’re abusive fucks. Doesn’t seem to be any in-between.

No. 408968

That's why I won't do anything for a moid until we get married. He has to go in with the assumption that he does the cooking, cleaning, planning, majority of the emotional labor, because I am doing zero of that. I am also not paying for dates or anything either. The nicer and more generous you are the more parasitic moids latch onto you.

No. 408981

Honestly I don’t know if he’ll do it. Maybe. I will come back because in two weeks all our shit arrives from a moving company. Great time to grab any of my stuff I want while it’s already boxed up and leave again.

No. 409001

It doesn’t matter so long as he’s a good person, he’s good for you, and he doesn’t have tons of insecurities over his lack of experience

No. 409004

It's never too late to do what you want to do. Why not go back to college? Even if it's part time online, better than being miserable forever

No. 409081

The deciding factors would be whether he's a virgin because he has issues that other women can see from a mile away.. if that's whats keeping him a virgin, also whether he has an incel-ly chip on his shoulder about being a virgin. As long as he's not either of those things I wouldn't care.

No. 409088

Sperm banks exist

No. 409129

My sister is in a similar position to you. She got married 5 years back and got pregnant. The kid has severe, ree tier autism and she is his full time wrangler now. She cant work because she is the only person who can handle him. Her scrote is the breadwinner and constantly holds it over her head and negs her/jokes about cheating on her all the time and talks about how he wishes he was single again. My sister wants to divorce him but cant afford to be a single mom. I try to help as much as I can, give her money, offer to let her stay with me etc but I am not well off by any means. It's been tragic to witness her life change so much in the past few years. Being trapped like that is so scary.

No. 409135

How old was the guy?

No. 409181

Man idk what I'd do if I had a retard kid. Would I really love it so much that I wouldn't want to abandon it? I've gone through so much bad shit in my life that I think I'd just dip. I couldn't take having had a bad life, getting to a point where life is good and stable, and then have a kid only for it to be an autist I'd have to take care of forever and ruin my life again.

No. 409194

4 years younger than me. 21 when we started dating.

No. 409197

Mine isn’t that bad off, honestly. The ‘tism is on the milder side, but it’s still so much to have to handle. Regular kid shit PLUS ASD.

No. 409200

A young virile guy gave you an autism child? That's extremely unlucky, wow.

No. 409222

Stop falling for these stupid memes.

No. 409228

You didn’t read the thread, go away.

No. 409260

Oh, I thought you were asking the age of my husband. My kid’s dad and I were both 22 when I got pregnant. We broke up after child turned 2 and I met my husband not long after. He was 21, I was 25.

No. 409410

Idk but now that you brought it up, it does sound sus as shit. It's totally moid-serving. It must be either a massive meme cope now that zoomer girls can't find a single remotely gratifying half-acceptable dick or it's just plain moidspeak. I literally had never seen or heard of this "love when he busts fast and I don't get fucked" BS until last year at best.