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File: 1648032259669.png (138.23 KB, 640x360, animal-crossing-e1585824593405…)

No. 251399

Vent your heart out, give and receive relationship advice from fellow farmers.

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No. 251518

i told my boyfriend i’m going to grow out my armpit hair for funsies/cause i think it looks nice & i like it and he literally started yelling & crying and saying i can’t do this to him and he wants no part in it. then asked if i’m just becoming lazy.

what the hell? this is so weird and offputting and makes me feel like he’s a pornsick little baby. i guess this is more vent than advice solicitation but damn.

No. 251523

>>251518

how fragile he is! Maybe if you tell him you’re going to shave your head too, he would have an aneurysm kek grow out whatever you want, be it hair or him

No. 251527

>>251518
Wow anon sorry to hear that your man turned out to be a retard. Hopefully you can trade it in for one that's not defective. We all end up kissing a few frogs. Female body hair is beautiful!

No. 251529

File: 1648090239907.jpg (272.15 KB, 735x1255, ef4129ce1359e7e937795e52e0eafd…)

>>251518
Men do this and when we ask them to shave their stubbly ass beard that leaves rashes, then it's an insult but benign armpit hair is the end of the world. It's pretty soft when it's long too, day old stubble feels way worse. Men are retarded

No. 251535

>>251518
Why did you say anything to him about it in the first place? Just stop shaving and I guarantee he wouldn’t have noticed.

No. 251540

How do you set the standard for what you want in your boyfriend?
I mean it more in a how do you define your type, because i've seen lots of anons say that they have very specific standards when looking for a partner. Do you just set the basics and then like…your IDEAL stuff?
i posted this in the stupid questions thread but i Guess it's more fitting here

No. 251545

>>251540
I'm confused by the question. You don't have to be any more specific about it than you want to. Of course you should expect kindness and respect from any man you spend time with. But as far as what you find attractive and what things you are willing to tolerate, it depends on your goals for the relationship and your personal values. What do you want him to be like? What do you want him to look like, or not look like? What things do you want to do together? What things do you want to agree on? In what ways are you comfortable in differing? Come up with both your goals, your boundaries, your deal-breakers. You should always be looking for your ideal if you want a marriage partner out of him. If you aren't ready for that and don't know your type, maybe try going on a few dates just to get a feel for what you like and don't like in a man.

No. 251548

My boyfriend is super sacrificial, cleans for me, cooks for me, seems very interested in being worthy of being my partner. I didn't want a wedding or to get engaged, but we have been planning to get married since the beginning, basically. The original goal was once he graduated college (since I graduated over a year before him), we'd get married. I've sort of been wanting to get married to get it over with. Now that he's graduating this semester, he says he wants to get married once he finds a job. He is already looking for a job and regularly checking postings, so I know he is serious about finding one. I am wondering if I should be concerned or not about this move of a goalpost. I pointed this out to him and he said he wasn't trying to move it like other people. I'm a bit frustrated because I feel like I've already found a job, gotten two raises, and I've even just moved on to another job, and I sort of feel like my timeline isn't being considered in this. I never really wanted to get married at all before I met him, but he made me feel like maybe marriage would be worth it with him. At the end of this semester, we'll have been together for 3 years. It's hard for me to know how to feel and whether my BPD is making me paranoid (it's under control completely now in terms of my actions and almost completely in terms of my thoughts; no one irl except my bf knows).

No. 251550

>>251548
Your concerns about the goal post being moved aren't unfounded, but I think waiting until he finds a job is a very reasonable request, provided he makes a real effort toward finding one. It would be difficult to plan a wedding while job hunting at the same time, and it can be hard to ask for time off when you've just started a job as well. So if it takes him longer than expected to find one, then there could be conflict with your wedding date that costs him his first job out of college. It shouldn't take a really long time to find one, so what's a few months delay in the grand scheme of things if you plan on spending the rest of your lives together?

No. 251551

>>251550
We're not having a wedding, we are just getting married at a courthouse (per my request as he would actually prefer a wedding, but he understands that I'm a very private person; it's also because I basically an no contact with my family, so the wedding would bring up bad feels due to that). But yeah, I see your point anyway. I just am really paranoid because I've heard of guys doing this and it is sad because he's given me reason to trust him in every other aspect. I just have issues with paranoia so I wanted to see if I was maybe giving in to that. I appreciate you not doomsdaying and giving some perspective anyway. Part of his reasoning is that right now, since I'm transitioning to a new job, we are trying to figure out if we want to go on my or his future health insurance plan as it's likely the health insurance for his type of job will be better than the type of job I work at. We're both the practical sort, I just have some unfounded beliefs that I'll be screwed over even though he's nothing but loyal and caring for me.

No. 251568

>>251518
> he wants no part in it. then asked if i’m just becoming lazy
Armpits take all of 5 seconds to shave. I find leg shaving to be a time consuming chore but when a woman opts out of a 5 second grooming task.. it's not about effort. It's about choice. And you already told him that so.. seems like he's trying to belittle you by going straight to calling you lazy.

No. 251570

>>251551
It does seem like he's being reasonable and is trying to gain some stability in both your lives before you can move on, get married and start to get comfy into your marriage. I think don't worry anon, if you're both still very much in love and as you said, if he's very loyal and caring, then there's nothing wrong with waiting a bit longer to gain some footing.

No. 251581

I figured out that I was in a relationship with narcissist for 2 years after they discarded me for the first time a few days after christmas and was isolated with covid. I researched for weeks about narcissism and it became pretty clear that was the abuse I had endured. We got back together even though I straight up knew what was going to happen. I came back because I needed to know for sure. Before he controlled every aspect of me and I was lost. This time I took control. I went where I wanted, said what I wanted, drove myself to work etc.He could also no longer sexually assault me because I put myself on a consent schedule. I allowed him to come over once a week instead of 5 or 6. We were actually doing fine until my mom came to stay with me and he didn't have access to me for 10 days. 3 days after she left he discarded me for the second time. This time he did it through text while I was at work at the beginning of a 16hr shift. I told him I had enough and that he was a coward and he abused and sexually assaulted me the past 2 years and that I straight up know he's a narcissist. He said he was above throwing insults back and that he was sorry he "hurt me".
I'm still sad. But I'm a lot better than when the first one happened. I blocked him on everything and I know thats it for me. My question is though. Do you think he will try to hoover me back? Or are they fully done when you unmask them? Both discards I unmasked him. The first one publicly and his family found out he hit me and the second time I straight up said I know your game and I'm not playing it anymore.

No. 251586

>>251540
It's an annoying answer anon, but the way that I set the bar for what I wanted was simply through experience. I've dated quite a few men over the years and have had a few long term relationships and came out of each one realising the things I didn't want (at first). I knew that because a partner did x I knew to look for it when dating again so I could avoid it.
However, it's only been in recent years that I've started to gain the knowledge to know what I do want. I think a way to fast track this process would be dissecting those things you know you're not seeking. There are things you didn't even know you wanted, or didn't want, until you experience them. To provide an example, it's taken me a really long time to figure out what level of intimacy I've wanted from partners. But I've had to date different sorts of people to figure out just how much, and what would meet me on my level.
You can only really know what you're after when you go out and meet people. I mean, you don't need to serial date like I have but as you mentioned, have some basic things you'd like to start, bring them up early on in meeting someone, and get out there.

No. 251587

>>251581
The question isn't whether he'll try again… its whether you'll stay strong if he does try it.

I've been through similar and for a while afterwards I would think about it daily 'will he text soon?' He had hit me multiple times, broken objects, forced sex acts and turns out he cheated as the icing on top. It's amazing how they leave a mental mark on you through where you wonder what they're thinking and planning next.

I had the issue where I couldn't visit family but he could go on a 15 day holiday with his. I think all it really came down to was wanting sexual access and resenting any plans that cost him a bj.

You'll probably find yourself processing memories alot in the next few months but don't get sucked back.

No. 251588

>>251518
I bet he sees no issue in his own armpits and body hair in general looking like a jungle though, right? One rule for me, another for thee.
Grow out your armpits nonna, it really does feel soft and amazing and I think it looks great too. It's not for everyone ofc but it just looks so adult and mature in my eyes kek, like >>251529 is so naturally beautiful like something you'd see in a painting.

No. 251589

>>251535
kek this is true, i don’t shave my legs at present either and he has never noticed or commented. i just didn’t even think it would elicit a reaction let alone THAT type of crybaby response.

>>251588
i agree with you. i admire women who don’t shave just as a fuck you to arbitrary beauty standards, but even then i honestly think women’s body hair is attractive. like… it makes you look like an adult woman. it makes me feel like all men are secretly pedos or not really attracted to women if a small patch of hair beneath our shoulders makes them recoil with such disgust.

No. 251593

>>251518
>lazy
says the man who has no grooming standards other than to brush his teeth and comb his hair.

No. 251595

File: 1648121875730.gif (3.16 MB, 424x498, bruh.gif)

>>251518
He started crying? over THAT.
literally pathetic

No. 251596

>>251518
Is he completely hairless himself? He sounds retarded.

No. 251598

>>251589
Okay but have you dumped him yet? Because you’re currently dating a man who screamed at you and cried over armpit hair. You are going to end up dead.

No. 251604

>>251589
For what its worth nonnie, my leg hair is wilding out, my armpit hair is too, and my bf does not care AT all. Completely unphased, and we have no issues in the romance department.
Every time i get slightly self conscious hes reassuring. One time he dramatically (play) pulled back the covers to reveal my hairy legs, and he said (like crocodile dundee) “the female form, showing off its hair in the wiLd asserts its dominance in the kingdom” …
So yea, any idiot ready to nitpick your body over hair needs a real dose of reality

No. 251628

File: 1648136476303.gif (443.92 KB, 400x300, cec3a348-956c-4654-8aec-a2bb1f…)


No. 251633

>>251604
Same. I stopped grooming my body hair for two years. Full untamed ladystache, eyebrows, armpit fur, pubes, legs, even my weird scraggly nipple hairs. I did it somewhat out of laziness in that I didn't see a point in wasting all that time and energy shaving, tweezing and trimming if I wasn't leaving the house often. Any time I felt weird about going out hairy, my boyfriend was reassuring that he thought I was beautiful hair or no hair. And he still petted my hairy legs, kissed my hairy lip, and ate my hairy coochie just like he did when I was well-groomed. He even proudly proposed to me in my hairy monkey state in front of all of our friends and family.
>>251589
I'm not saying all this to brag about my Nigel but to say that there are men out there who aren't pornsick and are attracted to adult women with adult women features. Don't write this off as something all men will do and therefore you'll just tolerate it. Not caping for men because there are many, many terrible men but I just want you to know you can have what you want because it is out there. Every woman deserves to be adored in all her hairy glory, whether she does it for aesthetic, comfort, sickness or injury, or pure laziness, it really doesn't matter. The fact that we grow hair shows we are physically mature and nothing more. A sane man would not be turned off by any amount of body hair let alone throw a hissy fit. So you should do with your body whatever makes you happy and find a partner that doesn't literally cry over fucking armpit hair. Seriously, is he on hard drugs or something?

No. 251638

>>251570
I told him this morning that it still bothered me (because it does) and that I feel like it's best if in the future he doesn't talk about it because it really makes me sad. I have been crying all morning about it. We both discussed that it's more than likely related to my fears of abandonment, which is true, but this cuts me so deep because I kept on telling myself everything was fine as long as he didn't move the goal post as it's already been moved once before (no one's fault) because he took a semester longer to finish school than he anticipated.

I don't know how to get over this, nonnies. I don't understand marriage. I never wanted to be married before because I did not see a point in it, unless you are talking about finances. My boyfriend drummed it up to be this sweet, cutesy thing that slowly changed my view of it. I am bitter he made me actually attach value to the concept of marriage. If this truly is about finances, then of course I wouldn't care if it's moved up. I wouldn't care for all the other things that come with it.

I want to leave work right now because of how much this is affecting me. I feel like I put my trust in him and it didn't fall through. I am aware this is dramatic and I know me explaining how talking about it this morning pushed him away from me. How the hell do I not care about this? I hate this so much. I talked earlier after I got a job to him about how I'd like to get married sooner, but he didn't want to because then, it was that he hadn't finished school and I knew that was the original point. Please help me get some perspective anons, I'm morphing into black and white thinking and I don't know how to emotionally recover from this.

No. 251645

>>251638
I'm >>251550 and even though you're not planning a formal wedding I still don't think this is cause for panic. I understand that you have abandonment issues and that it's scary to trust someone. I don't think it's a bad thing either that you're being cautious because there are men out there that will string women along and play with their emotions and not follow through. Without knowing your boyfriend I can't tell you if it's something he's capable of. With the information I have, I don't see red flags. But you know much more than I do. You know more than you give yourself credit for. But you admit you're feeling very emotional right now, which can cloud your judgment. I recommend that you make an effort to get yourself into a calm and relaxed mental state. Let this go for your work day as much as you can, distract yourself. Go home or somewhere you like to relax, and find your happy place. Then try to reflect on the state of your relationship with your boyfriend, your mutual goals, your future. Do you trust him enough to tie the knot? Are these feelings coming from his behavior, or something in your past? No one can give you the answers, including him! You have to find it within yourself. Whether or not you have religious ideas about marriage, marriage is a long haul commitment. Divorces are often messy. So you want to be confident that the relationship will last a long time, if not the rest of your lives. It's not a fun romantic gesture. It's a legal union that binds together your assets among other things. And if you think the relationship will stand the test of time, then a few months of job hunting, which I still think is a reasonable request, shouldn't scare you.

No. 251648

>>251645
I feel like I don't know anything. Before I changed, I basically assumed the most terrible betrayals were occurring to me, so it is difficult for me to understand what is based in reality as I'm used to assuming the absolute worst. I've moved away from that mindset, but it still feels like I am denying the fact that people will betray, lie, and cheat me. I'm waiting for time to wash away my old feelings of distrust that I can't say were based on actions, but my distortions.

> Are these feelings coming from his behavior, or something in your past?

No, not his behavior, but it's projections from other women I've seen because I'm afraid of ending up like that. I still sometimes slip into my old mindset of preferring to be in a bad relationship where I know it is bad, rather than be in a good relationship where it is based on trust and unknowns. However, it is true that their significant others were not good to them in the way my boyfriend is to me. I think it's also because all my ex boyfriends wanted to marry me, but I didn't want to marry them. I would non-committedly say stuff like "sure", so that is probably informing me as well. My boyfriend talks a lot more concretely about marriage by comparison to me in my old relationships.

My ideas of marriage are informed by the fact that both of our parents married really young and have been together forever. I didn't really like the dynamic of my dad with my mom, so I wasn't a big fan of the idea for a while. I actually fell in love with my current boyfriend (I had not been in this experience previously) and he brought up marriage early on, within 3 months of dating, and he said then he wanted to do it after he finished school. It made me think because I never saw myself wanting marriage with anyone before and it made me consider whether I wanted that with this person.

Truthfully, I'm still not sure, not because I don't want to be with him forever, but because I don't understand the point of marriage as a gesture. I saw him saying he wanted to marry me after x event as a "promise", which is why I'm reacting the way I am and feel so rigid about this. It feels like a broken promise to me and I'm gutted. I had/ve a lot of reservations about marriage before, mainly how it makes me feel about myself. I grew up hating the attributes attributed to wives. It made me not want to be a wife. I feel like that's a shallow angle to not want to get married for. I guess another point against marriage is that my boyfriend is also not as financially well off as me. He has student debt, I have none. I have 40k in savings, he has none. He also wants to go to grad school, which is another financial burden I'll have to shoulder. I was not as okay with this aspect of marriage before until I realized since we'll always be living together that it will affect me just the same. Plus, I am happy to help him out of his debt. Marriage has become something to prove his devotion to me in my mind since he made this (what to me seemed like a) promise, which is why I'm so hurt. I have not cared to think about the angle that I'll be married to him, and I've focused far more on the idea that he'll be married to me. On that latter idea, I am hurt. On the former idea, I don't worry about it. I brush that aspect off because I don't feel like he's gaining anything by marrying me, I fall into the trap of idealizing him and feeling like only I am gaining something from his interest in me.

I mean, I'm this person who used to have terrible BPD and this man worked with me through that and ultimately believed in me. I don't deserve that kind of love, though I want it and gel in it. I am attributing worth to myself if he wants to marry me and I think that's why I feel threatened he is moving the date.

No. 251650

>>251648
You're going to hate me for this, anon. But I'm going to be blunt with you. If you're using this marriage to measure your self worth, you aren't ready to get married and you shouldn't get married. Not yet. That trap that you're scared of falling into? This is often how it starts. By tying their ego to the fact that someone they love or are attracted to wants to marry them. They want to marry as soon as they can because the idea of the marriage improves their self esteem. Or the promise of marriage, in the absence of marriage, hurts them, and they think getting married will patch them right up. But they don't really have goals for their marriage or see the future clearly. Don't do this. This isn't what marriage is about. A proposal is a gesture of devotion. An engagement ring is proof of that devotion. Marriage is more complicated than that. I'm not saying you should never marry your boyfriend. But you're not ready. You need to work on this with someone other than your boyfriend, like a trusted friend or family member, or a counselor. It's great that he helps you and believes in you. But you are not seeing this clearly. Marriage is a contract, yes it's one that can be broken, but it's not something to charge at because it'll make you feel good, or because not doing it will make you feel like your boyfriend has failed you or you've failed yourself. Because breaking it can be extremely difficult especially if either person doesn't want to. You need to be in a rational state of mind before making this decision. Look, your marriage doesn't have to look like anyone else's. You will be a wife, but your wifehood doesn't have to look like your mother's. Do you know what his expectations are of you, as a wife? Does he know your expectations of him, as a husband? It sounds like you've probably talked this out, but it's important to have a concrete idea of what your marriage will look like, from both perspectives. But don't be mistaken. He does have something to gain from this, for one, access to your finances, of which you have more than he does. But more importantly, you, as his legal life partner. That is a lot for you to give someone. Don't give it away for fleeting feelings of self love. Because marriage won't fix this. It's going to take more work than that.

No. 251651

>>251650
This, very well worded. I hope you take her advice anon.

No. 251654

>>251638
I'm not bpd but I was unstable, depressed, grieving etc when I was younger. I wasn't far from how bpders act. I got married to a guy that I thought was amazing while I was still in my early twenties and in the thick of poorly handled illness. I don't know what age you are but between my own experiences and having multiple friends with actual bpd your twenties are the rough zone and a risky time to be making big decisions while that's an underlying issue.

You and this guy might be together for the long run but rushing to make it legal when you're showing signs of struggle right now makes it seem like bad timing. Hard as this is.. waiting it out and making those commitments later on could work out better. ime I thought marriage would create this sense of stability and 'ultimate proof of love' but it was so anticlimactic that it was the beginning of the end for us strangely enough. If I could go back to those days I'd opt for more therapy and less rushing to commit. In those circumstances slowing down can give you a better chance of staying together.

No. 251694

>>251648
You sound REALLY unhinged and not ready for a long term relationship let alone marriage. You need therapy anon, and you need it yesterday.

No. 251704

How do you anons deal with your bfs being absolutely shitty around the house? My bf is almost 30 and he has two left arms when it comes to keeping the house clean, fixing things around the house, and basically doing anything other than sitting around. I have given him the benefit of the doubt, I know he's had a shitty life with an alcoholic dad and an emotionally abusive mother, so I understand that his parents just weren't really there when it came to teaching him how to take care of himself. But now that we've been living for 2 years, he still does the bare minimum around the house and I constantly have to prompt him to do A, B and C. I've tried talking to him about it but it seems like it just goes in one ear and out the other. Do any anons have advice on how to get someone to be a better house mate??

No. 251708

Be honest with me anons, would it be retarded/unhinged of me to ask my boyfriend's parents if they've maintained contact with my bf's ex from ages ago after they broke up? It's long enough for anyone to expect them to not be in contact anymore (dated for less than a year 12 years ago), he's never mentioned her to me until I realized some woman is clearly stalking my social media and confronted him to ask who is that and he said it's nothing to worry about and she probably just missed his family and that was a reasonable explanation to him; but when it comes to being in contact though he refused to give me a straight answer and I'm feeling very uncomfortable about it. I really want to ask them but I'm a recovering bpdchan so maybe I'm misjudging how appropriate it is and they'll think I'm insane? Would you do it in my situation?

No. 251710

>>251704
Not to sound mean but dump him, if he wanted to he could, is my saying. I know many, many women who have gone through what your bf went through and they still clean their house, hell I had physically/mentally abusive parents who didn't teach me shit but my house is clean and you know how I learned? By asking and watching yt, and I'm younger, your bf sounds like a typical moid happy to let the burden fall on you because he knows you'll do it and trust me but no amount of asking/communication is going to make him change

No. 251711

>>251704
You are the target audience of "You Should've Asked." It's a quick comic, give it a look: https://english.emmaclit.com/2017/05/20/you-shouldve-asked/

If you don't want to play mommy to your lover-manbaby for the rest of your life, potentially with the addition of a real baby later on, ditch him. You have already spoken with him many times before. Contrary to popular belief men are not helpless, bumbling retards, they just know they can get away with playing one because everyone else makes excuses for them. He knows you may fuss every now and then, but eventually things go back to normal and he gets to continue being a slob while you pick up the slack. He wants to live in a rotting dungeon? He can go right ahead, without you. He knows you want help with the chores, he heard you the first hundred times, he just doesn't care enough to consistently pitch in. Don't settle for a partner that can't manage the most basic of adult tasks. He's a grown fucking man now. I know male teenagers with shitty upbringings who were already doing more to take care of a house at half his age.

No. 251712

>>251704
You can't. He sees you as his mommy gf who will pick up after him and love him no matter how shitty he is. He doesn't see your complaints as real issues that affect you, to him it's all nagging. Some men are like this and won't change no matter how much or how well you ~communicate~.

No. 251713

>>251708
>when it comes to being in contact though he refused to give me a straight answer
This just sounds shady in general, bpdchan or not. I'm confused though, he wasn't clear about whether she is in touch with his parents or with him? I wouldn't really care if some psycho was still trying to communicate with my partner's parents, that's their issue, but if he was speaking to her? Twelve fucking years after the fact? Yeah no, he'd be in the ditch.

No. 251761

File: 1648186527391.jpg (136.96 KB, 843x768, cat.jpg)

My boyfriend forgot our anniversary for the first time in our relationship. We've been together a year, and we celebrated our anniversaries every month. He's always been very attentive towards it, talking about it days before and doing something for me. This time, I noticed he only brought it up once about a week ago. I told him I had things planned for him, and he gave me a "me too" answer without much enthusiasm. It gave me a bad feeling but I ignored it. As I said, he's never forgotten an anniversary before.
Today was our anniversary. He forgot. Like, entirely forgot. At some point I hinted at the fact that today was a "special day" and he acted confused, then realized it was our anniversary. He used the excuse that he's been tired, but I feel like with his track record of always remembering, something else is off for him to completely forget.
He's not the best at communication which is a red flag in itself, but I never would've expected him to forget an anniversary. He apologized and said he felt terrible, but it doesn't seem like he even wants to make up for it.
I'm hurt and I don't know what to make of it. I know some people would just brush it off, but he really has never forgotten before– for him to suddenly forget entirely is not normal for him. I'm trying to handle it maturely with him and be understanding, but deep down there's a lot of anger, especially because he doesn't even seem to want to make up for it. If he ran to make up for it I wouldn't mind, but it's the lack of care overall that hurts and worries me.
Am I overreacting about this? Should I just look past it as not a big deal? Or am I maybe right in feeling like something is off? I just don't know what to do, or if I'm even justified in feeling upset. I love him a lot but this worries me about our relationship and if he's the right one for me.

No. 251766

>>251761
Celebrating your anniversary every. single. month. is not a fair expectation to set. Unless this was your exactly one year (12 months) anniversary, you should probably let it go.

No. 251768

>>251761
lower your expectations anon, celebrating it every month is literally insane and you sound really high maintenance. Learn to ground yourself and just be happy with the relationship.

No. 251769

>>251766
>>251768
If it weren't mutual, I wouldn't set that expectation. He was the one who always wanted to celebrate every month - though it wasn't a huge celebration, usually just something really small.
I've actually never been with a guy who wanted to celebrate anniversaries so much, so in a way I thought it was cute. It threw me off that he'd suddenly forget after always being determined to do something on every anniversary.
It's more concern about his feelings and possibly being disinterested in me than it is feeling like he owes me anything, when he's always wanted to do something before.

No. 251779

>>251694
This. Reading her posts gave me literal anxiety, I know her boyfriend is definitey tiptoeing around her to not set her off. Jesus fucking christ. Please get help, I'm not saying this to be rude but seriously, for yourself and for your relationship. You have glaring problems, and the marriage seems to be a focus of these problems right now but trust me, if it continues like this, it won't end at marriage.

No. 251781

>>251769
There's nothing wrong with your reaction nona, your feelings are legit. Celebrating every month is quite a lot, but people act like it's impossible to address things with a sentence or two of communication. "I've loved doing things with you but it's starting to feel like more of an obligation than fun. I don't want to stop having date nights, but can we make it less regimented from now on?" It's that simple. Instead he told you he had something planned when he didn't. I don't care if it was a white lie where he'd intended to figure it out later. It was still a lie and that would upset me too. It's hard to make a broad judgment since I don't know about the rest of the relationship, but I'll just say that you are allowed to have any standards you desire and you shouldn't shortchange yourself. Personally I'm really fucking tired of guys that half-ass things because I bring a ton of affection and energy to a relationship even years down the road. If they don't feel I'm worth keeping pace, they can go ahead and find someone who's less effort and will give less in turn. Up to you to determine if this is just a rare misstep or if there have been too many situations where he's not meeting you on your level.

No. 251784

>>251769
are you two under 18? you both seem to have very youthful expectations and a very strange communication type. This all round seems really odd and like you're living your lives based on what you've seen in rom comms

No. 251788

>>251766
>>251768
>>251779
If she can remember, plan for it, and be happy to do so, her partner can too. She wants someone who is high effort and this is fine. However, if the guy isn't feeling it (which he clearly isn't), she shouldn't force him into being this way for her or expect him to change.

No. 251793

>>251788
He forgot it once anon, one single time. Now if he no longer feels down to celebrate the anniversaries that often he should say it but let's not act as if slipping up once is that much of a big deal. The guy is human too and it's human to sometimes be too tired for shit or forget something.

No. 251795

>>251793
He lied to her about having something planned, so clearly he didn't forget, he was just too lazy to plan for something that's clearly very important to her. Not to mention, how does he forget something that he proposed to do every month? Like I said, if she's the type to put in the effort of remembering and planning every month, her partner should be able to do the same too. It's not some grueling effort or impossible standard to meet.
If it's too stressful for him, he should just say so and she can decide what to do from there.

No. 251796

>>251708
>dated for less than a year 12 years ago
Based on this description alone I feel like I know this guy (no I'm not the ex), very unlikely but it gave me a weird feeling.

No. 251800

>>251795
>He lied to her about having something planned, so clearly he didn't forget
What? That makes no sense, you can plan something and still forget it afterwards.
>Not to mention, how does he forget something that he proposed to do every month?
Sometimes you just forget something.

I'm not saying he couldn't have been in the wrong here but I see no reason to say he's 100%, without a doubt, lied to her. It's possible, not definite. Sometimes you forget shit idk why that's so hard to conceptualize for you.

No. 251804

>>251800
If you think he "just forgot" when they've been doing this every month and she also reminded him, then you have a very naive way of thinking. She was capable of remembering, so that really isn't an excuse.

No. 251808

>>251769
he probably forgot because he realised how stupid it is celebrating an anniversary EVERY SINGLE MONTH LIKE A 10 YEAR OLD
get over yourself anon, you sound annoying asf and you and your bf sound underage and like you're in your first relationship. Jesus christ this hurt to read

No. 251809

>>251808
You sound bitter and unhinged, chill

No. 251818

>>251808
You could have approached this better, but you are not wrong. Monthly anniversaries should only be a big deal when your in high school. Timing forced displays of affection (every month) seems a bit… too much as grown adults. Kinda like an emotional bill due every 30 days. Maybe its so important to OP because of personal insecurities and needing validation refreshed after 4 weeks. Maybe op should reflect why this is so important and why couldn't you just plan little holidays/adventures together. Needing the proof of love every month makes it seem like theres not enough affection in the first place.

No. 251819

>>251761
Once you hit the year mark I feel like you tend to space it out more even if monthly celebrations were the norm before. You say you're dating a year so maybe you're just transitioning into that routine but communication was poor on his end.

Other factors could be.. is money tight for him atm? Or does he associate anniversaries with guaranteed anniversary sex and has that changed lately? Sometimes a large part of why guys even love V day and anniversary dates is getting rewarded with alot of sexual enthusiasm after the celebrations. A pattern I've always noticed in mine and my friends relationships is that the normal slight slowing down of sex and the easing of big romatic gestures tend to go hand in hand. Not even necessarily in a bad way but you don't keep that same energy forever.

No. 251823

>>251808
you're right and you shouldn't have to sugarcoat it. OP sounds like a strung out freak, if her bf isn't giving her enough affection on top of doing monthly anniversaries (rofl) and that causes her to have a meltdown, she needs to break up ASAP and work on her mental health and stay off dating.

No. 251829

>>251808
You sound so bitter lmfao

No. 251830

>>251804
You're right and I'm glad someone is speaking up for op. Anons caping for scrotes, couldn't be me. What is childish and silly to one person is meaningful to another. He literally could've just said he didn't feel like doing it anymore but instead he got her hopes up and disappointed her. Now he seemingly hasn't done anything to make it up to her and hasn't broached the topic further. If he doesn't want to put in consistent effort (like she was) he should move on instead of her having to lower her expectations. Women should never settle for less than they're putting into the relationship, in fact they should be getting much more because men benefit so much just from having a woman in their life.

No. 251831

>>251648
Im sorry anon bitter hags are bashing you. This place isnt good for advice

No. 251833

>>251830
Exactly. Anons telling her to get therapy are pathetic. Im convinced half of this thread are moids trying to convince women they’re crazy for wanting something from their bf

No. 251835

>>251833
>>251830
>half of this thread are moids trying to convince women they’re crazy for wanting something from their bf
>Anons caping for scrotes
In reality 95% of this thread is
>dump your moid

No. 251838

>>251835
Nta but it's almost like the level of desperation someone has to have to come to an anonymous image board for advice already means the relationship is over.

No. 251848

>>251830
Yeah, I'm so tired of people telling women to lower their standards. She clearly takes the relationship very seriously so she deserves a man who returns that effort and consideration three-fold. Men are so blessed to have women who care about them so much, but instead they just cry in the corner about having to put in any semblance of effort. They should just go back to jerking off in socks.
Just because you personally don't want an anniversary every month doesn't mean it's an unfair standard for her to expect in her relationships (and the guy even proposed the idea of it, so what the fuck). I don't get how that's even hard to understand, damn. Different people want different things.

No. 251856

>>251708
I wouldn't involve his parents. He's the one who won't give you a straight answer and he's the one who owes you that. If you can't rely on him to tell you the truth then that's mad shady. Bpd or not you're justified in being concerned and in expecting answers straight from him.

No. 251875

>>251838
how? everyone needs advice in their relationships and friendships from time to time

No. 251885

>>251761
Honestly anon, I think your feelings are valid. Monthly anniversaries aren't that important, but a sudden change in behavior that isn't mutual would worry me as well. It's possible he's just gotten comfortable and stopped caring about showing his affection this way (which is understandable, it can get tiring being in the puppy-love phase for too long) but he needs to communicate that to you. You have to decide for yourself if you're alright moving to a different phase in your relationship, or if you'd rather leave and find someone who will match your efforts and romantic gestures 100%.

No. 251893

>>251761
You should ask him if and why did he change his mind about this
If he doesn't answer why you can ask him if it was because, he didn't like your gifts; i've seen couples that stop doing valentines because the men give them shitty gifts, not saying your gifts are bad btw!! he can't afford this anymore; he got tired of it; he can't think of what to give
Anyways just because you don't plan something once a month doesn't mean you can't have nice moments/experiences together, maybe just space things out
Hope both of you are able to solve this goodluck nonny

No. 251929

hmm my bf is older than me and he is turning 30 soon. he doesn't really care about skincare much too much but he does like to take care of his appearance.

his sister got him a small skincare routine as a present but I want to get him some skincare products that are more effective (i.e. BHA/AHA, sunscreen).

is it rude for me to buy him new skincare and he uses mine instead of his sister? I'm also afraid it is rude for me to tell him to start taking care of his skin, since I don't want him to age like milk lol

No. 251931

>>251711
Nta but thanks for sharing that comic, very insightful.

No. 251932

My friends think my bf is ugly and honestly idc about his looks. I also feel like people judge me for dating him? I just dont get why someone would care about looks. Clearly i love him and hes a sweetheart. Why are my friends just shallow?

No. 251933

>>251929
I hate to see young brainwashed cosmetics consoomers like you. That's not "taking care of yourself". No, don't act as a corporate shill to your bf. Reevaluate your own stance.

No. 251934

>>251929
Its not rude anon. Men need to have a good skincare routine so they age. Let him buy his own stuff. Dont listen to the anon who thinks youre a capitalist shill kek
Think about it. If women have to take care of their skin then so do men. Seriously..

No. 251935

>>251929
Also imo a good cleanser, moisturizer and spf will go a long way! Please dont be shy to tell him to take care of his skin. I make my bf have a skincare routine kek

No. 251936

>>251929
He's already older than you and doesn't use any skincare at 30. He'll age like shit unless you can somehow make him take care of himself but most men wouldn't do it because they believe it's gay and that men aging like leather is hot or something.

No. 251941

>>251934
>If women have to take care of their skin then so do men. Seriously..
Women are brainwashed by the beauty and skincare industry to think we need 10 products to prevent aging. In reality, pre-mature aging is by and large prevented by leading a life-long, consistently healthy lifestyle (plenty of excersise, nutricious diet every day), not smoking/drinking/doing drugs and wearing spf. You can't overcome an unhealthy lifestyle by layering creams and acids on your skin and if you do lead a healthy lifestyle you don't need more than a moisturizer and maybe specialized products to battle skinproblems specific to the person.

No. 251944

>>251929
nta but i also want to look for a simple skincare for my partner, but I am not too sure what brand to get?

No. 251948

>>251941
Sure anon but skincare helps and theres nothing wrong with caring about beauty. Not sure why you think having a skincare routine means we are unhealthy or think it can magically prevent ageing.
A good skincare routine will have your skin soft and smooth. You cant prevent natural ageing but you can help ageing caused by external factors like the sun. Regardless its nice to see males take care of their skin

No. 251949

>>251944
Does he have sensitive skin? Oily skin? Dry skin? You can either check out /skincareaddiction or /asianbeauty on reddif.
Personally i love the hadalabo cleansing foam! Its low ph too. Cerave is very popular in the first subreddit i mentioned. As for spf just try any asian ones tbh

No. 251952

>>251932
Most likely jealous that you have a sweet boyfriend so they have to cope by calling him ugly.

No. 251957

>>251932
>idc about his looks
It just means he's ugly. If you dont mind it, go on but you wouldn't have posted here if you really were fine with dating an unattractive man.

No. 251958

>>251932
>>251952
Nah this is scrote bait indirectly calling women shallow for having standards regarding looks for the men they date.

No. 251959

>>251958
It's so obviously bait, who the hell has friends who openly call your boyfriend ugly aside from middle school bullies?

No. 251961

>>251959
I wouldn't say ugly but most women would tell their friends they could do better if they have an ugly or inconsiderate bf. It's not shallow to have standards and like anon said, it kinda sounds like scrote bait.

No. 251965

>>251961
It depends on the words her friends used, I mean if they openly called him ugly (even if he was) that's dubious. I would tell my friend gently that she's too attractive for him or something that would be more of a compliment for her than an insult.

No. 251976

Nonas can you give me your opinion on what to do with this guy?
I've been seeing him for some time, he's really into me but I'm not sure. We haven't done more than a kiss.
Pros:
>we have so much to talk about the conversation never stops
>he likes the same games as me, same videos on YouTube, it's creepy how much similar we are
>I feel at ease with him and conversation comes naturally, even though I can be autistic about talking to guys
>wants to pay for everything even though I offer to split
>loves cooking (I hate it so it's a good match)
>seems gentle enough
>educated, works, good career
>tries really hard, changes opinions a bit for me kek and gets pretty nervous with me
>makes effort to see me all the time
Cons:
>not sure I'm attracted enough… I think he's a bit below what I'm used to date looks-wise
>no physical activity now (used to be active a lot in past)
>spends too much time on Internet, gaming, possibly frequents some imageboards (I do too but not sure both partners should be like that)
>lied about his age on tinder (he's a year younger than he said, making him 5 years younger than me, we're in our 20s)
>I feel like he might be insecure and sometimes puts me down (but I'm a person that gets offended easily)

I feel like he's not a perfect match but after a year of shitty tinder/irl dating, it's the first time I feel happier because we just have such fun conversations and text all the time. It's very natural.
Should I continue seeing him while still searching? I don't wanna cheat so I can't do that if he wanted to become official…
I feel like his looks are the biggest problem for me. He has potential to improve, he's not bad looking but I feel like he's not that much of my type.

No. 251977

>>251976
If you like talking to him but are not attracted to him, you just made a friend, you don't have to go out with a guy just because he is nice to talk to. If you went out with him and then met the actual guy who is super attractive to you, you would never forgive yourself for settling for this schmuck

No. 251978

>>251976
If you're not sure if you're attracted to him, you're just not. You'd know it if you were. + Lying about his age is a red flag imo. Just those two things are enough to skip and try the next one. There's plenty of men on the market, you don't have to settle.

No. 252069

>>251976
Samefag but he just told me 'you don't have a cleavage so you have to compensate somehow hahah' and mentioned his last gf had big boobs, I'm outta here. Not even a friend material. Why are men

No. 252089

Nonnies who are in a happy relationship, how do you trust your partner?

There's this guy that I kinda like but I'm convinced that 98% of men will take the opportunity to cheat when it's presented to them, no matter how great the relationship is. I have pretty good self-confidence but I think most men chase other women because they have issues, not their partner. I just don't want to get involved with somebody but then have them cheat on me. I'm pretty good on my own but there's just nothing that can replace a romantic relationship for me.

No. 252091

>>252089
To be honest, a lot of men think this way too. My ex drove himself crazy because I had a coworker who was male and he would stalk my fb messenger and my texts to see if we're talking about things other than work. We ended up breaking up because his paranoia just got too much.

It's a human trait not a gendered trait. Women cheat as much as men do and it all comes down to the individual.
You have overall insecurities about getting cheated on, so you should probably work on that a lot more than you are now. If you end up having relationships and just being paranoid all the time you'll drive yourself insane and potentially lose yourself a nice partner.

No. 252093

>>252091
>You have overall insecurities about getting cheated on, so you should probably work on that a lot more than you are now.

I just genuinely don't know what to address and how to work on it though? It's not that I think I'm not good enough, I just fear being with someone who doesn't care about being faithful when it comes to them and I don't know how to be certain that someone isn't like that?

Like I have friends who were with seemingly great partners, who still ended up cheating on them for stupid reasons (not that there is ever a valid reason to cheat) even though these guys seemed caring and attentive.

No. 252095

>>252093
> I just fear being with someone who doesn't care about being faithful
And thats the overall fear that will drive you crazy your entire relationship whether you 'trust' the person or not. Also your friends experiences have now tainted your outlook on relationships going forward. I used to be like you especially when I was younger, and I guess for me its all about gut feelings and actually working on your mental health, specifically anti anxiety stuff like meditation before bed.
Meditation is great and allows you to take strange thoughts or paranoia and channel it into something else. If you ever get into a relationship with this logic you train yourself to think that every text your bf gets MUST be from another woman because thats how you've programmed yourself now. And thats not a fun way to be in any relationship either with a man or woman (again, my ex was like this and we just couldn't have a quiet night together at one point in the relationship when he just got too spooked about me 24/7 even though I was faithful)
Its also kind of a gut feeling type of thing. Once you're with someone you sort of 'know' if their love is pure for you, so you should try listening to your 'gut feeling' a lot too.

But otherwise there's no 'true' advice on how to know if your partner is cheating or not. Sure I can suggest you be toxic and check their phone and computer every single day and night (im sure you can do it like once a year, I think everyone does it to eachother at some point or another in a relationship), or I can tell you to learn to manage your emotion and trust levels with other people and life will take care of the rest. If I knew a tree would fall on me tomorrow I would avoid the forest. But how can I ever really know?

No. 252096

>>252093
>I don't know how to be certain that someone isn't like that?
Ntayrt but you can never be sure. It sucks I know, but there is only one person you have control of in life and that’s you. A guy may be great for years then throw it all away in a day. Might cheat once and hide it from you for the rest of your life. You can literally never be 100% certain. You can take measures to feel relatively confident they won’t, like vetting for honesty, consistency, effort, transparency, good treatment of family and women in general, positive friend group, communication and all that. If they’ve repeatedly gone above and beyond your expectations over an extended period of time they probably won’t. I think >>252091 point is sound though. If cheating is a huge concern for you then you either get to the point you’re willing to take the risk on someone or else just not date. Not being flippant, but it’s like the only way to totally avoid getting an STD is not to have sex. You can and should take precautions, but sometimes things still happen. You have to have the confidence and outlook to know you could pick yourself back up and move on, not let it negatively impact your life for ages afterwards. Even more than that, it’s not something you’d want to negatively impact your life before it happens or despite the fact it may never happen.

No. 252097

>>252093
>Like I have friends who were with seemingly great partners, who still ended up cheating on them for stupid reasons
You don't know how their relationship is behind closed doors. Women cheat because of reasons, it's either because their partners are neglectful, selfish(in bed or personality) or even sometimes physically abusive, which aren't things an outsider can notice.

No. 252099

>>252095
>>252096
Thanks for the advice, nonnies.

>>252097
Of course I don't, but my very close friends were very open to me about it (even if some things were embarassing and too TMI) and the problem most of them had, was that their partners weren't genuine about communicating properly. They were either dishonest about their needs/ desires/ low self-esteem or other things about the relationship that would eventually lead to them cheating. I'm not saying that these women were perfect in their relationship either but for me there's nothing that justifies cheating.

My best friend for example, went above and beyond to make the relationship work, and it seemed to be going well for a while because he kept telling her he could feel the spark again, meanwhile he was doing it with a co-worker for months because she'd to things in bed that my best friend wouldn't but he'd reassure her how it's okay that she's not into that.

I don't want to sound mopey and I'm sorry if I do, it's just that so many men have disappointed me and those who are close to me (family members, friends, partners etc) that it has soured my look on things but ofc I know I'll have to get over it somehow if I want a relationship. And by "disappointed" I mean in terms of fidelty and honesty when it comes to relationships.

I know, not all men, enough women do it too. It's just that the ratio of how many men I'm close to (good friends, family members) and of how many of them are lying cheaters is just too high for me.

No. 252101

>>252099
Yeah you're right. Men cheat for retarded reasons, I spoke for women who cheat above. Men who cheat do so because they just wanna be with more women because of their low self esteem, humiliates the mistress in the ways they don't see their wife in such as anal and pissplay, etc., or just have something over their wives. Most mistresses are sad women and it's disgusting hearing the things they do just to keep the married man around.

No. 252104

>>252097
> Women cheat because of reasons, it's either because their partners are neglectful, selfish(in bed or personality) or even sometimes physically abusive, which aren't things an outsider can notice.

I agree, even though I obviously don't condone it. Most men who cheat however just want to have their cake and eat it too. They want a relationship and partner that gives them stability, that they can show off and that earns them societal approval. Men are obsessed with status. If the relationship lacks something, they'd rather keep up the facade and cheat than address it and potentially end the relationship.

No. 252165

>>252104
Thing is, most of the time it doesn't even lack anything. Mostly I've seen ugly old moids with young beautiful caring wives who cheated on them with ugly as fuck women, no random whore can provide much as the mother of his children but he still decides to fuck her over. Men do it as a powermove when women do it as a way to cope with actual relationship problems when they can't leave for reasons. Men also cheat when their wives are pregnant or just given birth, that's how sick their cheating habits are while for women it's a desperate search for someone to adore her, which is always unsuccessful, because she feels alienated and unloved in her relationship. I'm a bit loaded about this topic but I simply despise how women who cheat because of reasonable reasons, such as physically abusive husbands, get shit for it while men get forgiven all the time. It's like women don't deserve to be happy and give up everything for their relationship while moids are free to fuck around and the wife should just forgive him.

No. 252170

>>252097
>Women cheat because of reasons
This is true sometimes, but sometimes women can cheat for no actual reason. I think that is kind of a nonsensical generalization to make.

No. 252171

>>252165
I agree anon. What also bothers me is that the woman is still often blamed for when her moid is cheating, because, you know, there always has to be a reason that is caused by the woman. It makes me mad. No, the moid is cheating because he's an ass without conscience. Some just can't grasp that there are people who are shitty for no good reason.

No. 252178

>>252093
> I have friends who were with seemingly great partners, who still ended up cheating on them for stupid reasons
I had a guy cheat on me after three years of living together. Sometimes I find people are quick to assume that there's always warning signs and you can watch out and always totally avoid bad situations like that but shit does just blindisde you sometimes and that's a harsh reality of dating and putting trust in someone. I don't like to talk about this too much irl because it's amazing how people find a way to blame the person who got cheated on.. I didn't have a crystal ball. I wasn't a mind reader. He was a good cheater. He covered his tracks and appeared like he was planning a whole future with me. It happens and it can be so nonsensical to the injured partner left behind. We were having sex often, we were making plans and making them happen, his other woman was somehow everything he had always said he didn't want in a partner, from her body type to her having kids to her having partners still half in the picture to her not working and taking benefits to her smoking.. on and on, all these things he had been vocal about avoiding in gfs. I can't make it make sense. No way could I ever of predicted that with muh skills.

More than anything I just don't want his behaviour to give me issues that I'll carry into the next relationship. I can get over the few years I wasted on him, I'm pretty much there but I'd almost rather be blindisded again than live in fear and ruin a good thing. Some people are obvious and give out signs but there's only so much that you can read a person.

No. 252182

>>252178
I'm so sorry he put you through this but thank you for your insight because this is exactly the thing I fear the most in a relationship. Some people are just that good at hiding things from you and sometimes even your gut instinct doesn't seem to pick up on anything weird but then it just hits you like a ton of bricks when it happens.

This also happend to one of my aunts(even down to the part about cheating with someone who he claimed was not his type at all) and we all felt like a wave was crashing over us, not just my aunt, because we've all been lied to by her husband and not just regarding his cheating. He was basically living two lives and suddenly we all started questioning if all the moments we've shared with him were ever genuine.

>I'd almost rather be blindisded again than live in fear and ruin a good thing


That's really admirable, nonna. I hope that one day I'll be able to feel the same way because my mistrust keeps making me extremely miserable and lonely.

No. 252204

>>252182
Cheating is as unpredictable as people who get murdered randomly by their partners. You don't know whats going on or whats going on in someones mind until it literally happens to you. Just like in this anons case >>252178

There is no advice, relationships have always just been a huge bungee jump. You either end up having a great time or the chord can break and you plummet. You just never know and you can only work on yourself and your overall outlook on life. You can't change other peoples decisions in the end, only your own reactions and choices.

No. 252205

>>252182
Cheating is as unpredictable as people who get murdered randomly by their partners. You don't know whats going on or whats going on in someones mind until it literally happens to you. Just like in this anons case >>252178

There is no advice, relationships have always just been a huge bungee jump. You either end up having a great time or the chord can break and you plummet. You just never know and you can only work on yourself and your overall outlook on life. You can't change other peoples decisions in the end, only your own reactions and choices.

No. 252217

>>252171
I agree. When women cheat, it's her fault and she deserves to die, if men cheat, it's women's fault and she deserves emotional abuse and the stds. It's such a retarded mind society has.

No. 252222

>>252095
NTA but what kind of meditation do you recommend and how long? Do you do it more times a day?

No. 252235

My boyfriend has been getting on my nerves lately but I am not sure if anything he is doing deserves a break-up. He always complains about the same stuff, e.g. his roommates, the drivers at my apartment complex, and bad drivers on the road, yet he never does anything to address it other than just fuming. He never takes his anger out on me or on physical objects and I never fear for my safety, but it is still annoying to hear him work himself into a lather over things he cannot change, like inconsiderate drivers or poorly parked cars. Also, I hate asking him how to do things because in his desire to be helpful and thorough, he gives overly long-winded explanations that go into too much detail and leave me more confused than when I started. His stories are similar, and I find it very hard to pay attention when he begins to ramble. Lastly, despite being a very capable cook, whenever we cook from a recipe he is afraid to deviate from the instructions and trust his own judgement - even if we have made that recipe before. His fastidiousness ends up costing a lot of time since he keeps referring back to his phone and asking me a bunch of questions that I am frankly no more qualified to answer than he is. As someone with diagnosed executive function disorders, I feel like I ought to be more forgiving of these tendencies, but on the other hand it is annoying to live with someone who makes so much noise about nothing all the time. I would not even know where to begin addressing any of these complaints without being overly blunt and making him upset.

No. 252237

>>252235
uhh well, talk to him kek. communication is important in relationships, he won't know what he needs to change if you don't tell him what's bothering you. i don't think it's being overly blunt at all, especially if you don't tell him in an "i'm attacking you" kind of way, but rather tell him nicely

No. 252238

>>251399
i've been girlfriends with this girl for three months now and for the most part it has been great but two weekends in a row she’s done things that have really hurt me and i’m struggling to figure out what to do in this situation.

the first weekend after we had dinner together she called one of her friends to go out with us to go clubbing and it was all fine at first until she got really drunk. this guy came up to us and started talking to my girlfriend and they had a casual conversation before he gave her his instagram and she accepted. I’m not a super jealous person so i didn’t think too much of it until later in the night he tried to kiss her but she rejected him. it just got crazier as the night went on and while we were dancing she started grinding on some guy and i pulled her off, and then at some point we got separated for what felt like no time at all and when we found each other again she exclaimed how 3 people kissed her. i knew we just had to leave at that point even when she was complaining she didn’t want to go and i made sure she got in an uber before i left.

the next day i told her how hurt i was about everything and she was really apologetic and promised me it would never happen again and i chose to believe her, but then the next weekend we went out again and it was all normal until i had to leave early to do uni work. she called me the next day crying saying how she made out with a girl and how she was so sorry and how she didn’t want to lose me. i’m really easily swayed by people being emotional like that so i told her just to calm down and we would figure it all out.

one thing that put me off when she texted me later about it was how she said she blocked the girl that ‘seduced’ her on instagram. it just feels so weird that she’s trying to put some of the blame on this girl that she chose to make out with.

it’s all made more difficult because before this all went down we booked flights to go to my family’s holiday apartment in three weeks with her best friend that i’ve gotten close to over these past months. i just don’t know if i have it in me now to hang out with her for a whole week. she offered to just let me and her friend go and she can stay behind while i figure everything out but i’m just hesitant to do that because i’m not sure how awkward it would be with just me and her because we’ve never really hung out just one on one. i don’t want to cancel the whole trip because it’ll be unfair on my girlfriend’s best friend and she’ve been really excited to go.

typing this all out now i may seem like such a dumbass for still being with her but i’ve gotten into a routine in my life with her in it and i’m so used to her being there for me that i can’t imagine her not being my girlfriend. i’m 19 and she’s the second partner i’ve ever had so maybe that has something to do with it. i just need some help or guidance in this situation because i don’t have anyone close to in this situation to give me advice.

No. 252244

>>252235
I can relate to this looking back on a past partner. Even when a guy isn't raging at you or full on taking shit out on you it can feel like alot if they're venting frustrations all the time with an angry tone. And when it's stuff like bad drivers on the roads getting to them it's time to work on taking a few breaths and learning how to soothe yourself sometimes. There's a shitload of books and techniques out there where people recognize they're handling lifes daily stressors poorly and they address it. See if you can suggest something like that without him taking offense.

No. 252245

>>252238
girl you need to break up with her. it seems like you’re viewing this through the fallacy of sunk costs and i think that is making you unhappy. like the fact that she kissed other ppl when you were not okay with it and seemed to be playing along with the flirting of other people is seriously messed up.

you’re only 19 and you still have so many people you’ve yet to meet, experiences to have etc. it sounds cheesy but it’s true. you need to ask yourself if you’re really wanting her to be the one for you.

plus you’ve only been together for 3 months. get out now lol. if you stay together i’m sure resentment is going to build up and honestly it seems like you’re setting yourself up to be hurt. this girl clearly doesn’t care about you as much as you care about her and she doesn’t respect your feelings, that much is clear.

No. 252253

>>252238
Leave are you restarted she kissed someone else

No. 252258

>>252238
She's cheated on you multiple tomes. For some reason you haven't called it that and maybe you're in refusal that she has, but that's what it is.

No. 252299

>>252235
He sounds exhausting. This isn't a one-off thing you can nicely ask him to fix, you're asking him to change his whole attitude about the world. Personally I would dump someone so stressful. A partner is supposed to improve your life most of the time, not make it more difficult.

No. 252319

>>252238
I was in a relationship just like this at your age. We did the same betraying, confronting, apologising, forgiving, doing-it-all-over-again dance for years. It absolutely sucked the life out of me. I can say with absolute certainty leaving my ex behind was the beginning of my first "mental growth spurt," so to speak. If you're worried about being inexperienced and immature, this is your cue to trust your intuition and grow up.
Stop making excuses for her, and don't make them for yourself either. How low is your self-esteem? Do you deserve to be mistreated? What right does she have to hurt you? Where is your self-respect? Why doesn't she respect you? If a friend of yours was having the same problem, what would you tell her to do? Be a friend to yourself and make the choice that you already know is right.
I am so much better off without my ex because I no longer waste energy worrying over what awful thing she's going to do to me next. Yes, she's part of your routine. Are you going to let her hurting you become normal too, so that she can further degrade your boundaries? Or are you going to get out now that she's shown you who she really is?
She cheated on you. Repeatedly. She lied about being sorry. She lied about never doing it again— even though once is already reason enough to split. Is that the kind of person who you want to be "irreplaceable" in your life?
I'm sorry if I sound harsh. I just don't want you to make the same mistakes I did.

TLDR if you are posting about her in Lolcow vent/advice threads, it's already over. Cut your losses and go.

No. 252391

My bf just moved in and it's been 2 days that he's stays up till 4 pm to play vidya. I don't like this behaviour. I also despise men playing vidya. I really love him so I can tolerate him playing but not him staying up late everyday he can. I think this is going to be a big problem and I asked him if he's ever going to bed with me at 10pm and he said no. I feel really bad about this. We've been 3 years together and I love him so much but i dont want to be with a loser that destroys his life like this. I am going to watch his behaviour for a while but if I keep feeling like shite everynight am absolutely dumping his ass

No. 252395

>>252391
10 pm is too early, 4 am is too fucking late. Talk and decide on a time that fits both of you like midnight or 1 am, imo. I assume there are other issues since you wanna dump him, though? Does he have other problems and disrespect you in other ways?

No. 252397

>>252391
As a woman that also loves staying up playing vidya like this I do feel bad for automatically judging video hames as bad. It's just like any other entertainment. I also like being up at night because things feel more calm and I get to be alone. My bf is the same as you, he always wants to go to bed together and it's fucking suffocating. And he might have friends to play with from different timezones. HOWEVER, if he spends his time actually just cooming to porn the whole night it's concerning, and if his school or work suffers from it.

No. 252399

>>252391
in bed by 10pm? are you depressed? also how did you not know this would happen if you were together for 3 years?

No. 252401

>>252399
NTA but what the heck, since when did you need to be depressed to go to bed at 10pm? Some people actually go to work in the morning.

No. 252402

>>252401
Yeah I agree, I think depression more often makes you stay up kte rather than go to sleep early. But anyway I don't think you can demand anyone to go to sleep at a certain time

No. 252403

>>252399
Nta but going to bed doesn't mean going to sleep immediately, you can read a book or watch a movie there, I generally have nothing more to do after dinner so I'm in my bed at 9:30 and just do whatever there.

No. 252406

>>252399
>In bed by 10pm, are you depressed?
Nona 10pm is a reasonable time to go to bed. If you need to wake at 6 like a lot of adults do, that's 8 hours of sleep which is normal/healthy.

No. 252414

>>252391
I used to have a bad sleep schedule but when I lived with my last partner and he had to have a decent bedtime set for work I would get into bed with him at 10, we'd cuddle, chat, fool around, fuck, cuddle again and I'd get up after he fell asleep. Then I'd go watch dumb youtube vids in the living room for a bit. That worked for us. We needed to still have that quality time.

No. 252422

I was the fucking dumbass on the MtF thread joking about my bf watching tranny porn occasionally, and everyone umderstandably went off on me how he WILL troon out too despite acting like he hates trannies too.

Idk what to do, I fear they are actually right. He does not seem like a huge coomer or anything, and I doubt he would go fuck one behind my back. He is bisexual, though since his mother is a muslim convert he still has a lot of denial of it. I'm bisexual too, and his sexuality is one if the reasons I was interested in a serious relationship. And this is the fact that will make most of you angry, but I am myself interested in an open relationship and have told him he can fuck other people if he wants, I don't give a shit.

He has told me he is not interested in fucking other people at all though. He does not seem the type to troon out but idk anymore, you never can tell these days. How do I ask sneakily enough if he still watches tranny porn without seeming psychotic with my hatred of men in dresses? Asking would only lead to him hiding it from me I'm quite certain. I have 0 trust a woman can make their male partner from watching porn. Pretty sure even if nonnas here claim their lil moidies don't watch it, they still do behind their backs.

I'm losing my fucking mind. Anyway, please spare me your "whore cunt bihet degenarate bitch" replirs, I already know I should kys for being like this waah waah

No. 252423

>>252422
i'll try to put this as nicely as possible kek. first of all,
>he doesn't seem like a huge coomer or anything
you're seriously okay with him watching tranny porn, even occasionally? if he watches it it turns him on, so he's either an agp and gets sexually aroused by troons and the thought of being one, or if he watches mtf tranny porn he might be a closeted gay guy. there's really no other reason for a guy to be watching tranny porn, especially if he claims he "hates" them
>And this is the fact that will make most of you angry, but I am myself interested in an open relationship and have told him he can fuck other people if he wants, I don't give a shit.
at the end of the day it's your decision and your relationship, but in my experience, guys that seek open relationships are usually coomers and not great people to be in relationships with. if he doesn't even have enough self-restraint to keep his dick in his pants while in a relationship with someone he loves then he's not worth your time.
>I have 0 trust a woman can make their male partner from watching porn. Pretty sure even if nonnas here claim their lil moidies don't watch it, they still do behind their backs.
just because a lot of men do it behind women's backs doesn't mean we should be okay with it or encourage it kek. it's your relationship, you're supposed to set the boundaries. who knows, maybe you have a guy that actually respects you and would be willing not to be a coomer to protect your relationship (though by your description it doesn't sound like it)

tdlr love yourself and i hope it works out well for you nona

No. 252424

>>252422
do you care about him watching specifically tranny porn, or porn in general?

>I have 0 trust a woman can make their male partner from watching porn. Pretty sure even if nonnas here claim their lil moidies don't watch it, they still do behind their backs.


I sort of agree and disagree with you here, there are actually men who don't watch it at all but the chances of a moid watching and lying about porn are just overall higher than him genuinely finding it disgusting and not watching it at all, thanks to the average male's inability to better himself and just have empathy for exploited women.
You can also block porn via your internet router settings, it's usually called "child safe settings" or something along those lines. I have pornography blocked by default on mine and I'm the only one who knows the password. I don't know if it's possible to bypass that shit with a vpn though?
In regards to the tranny thing as well: there's a very short slippery slope involved. It starts with tranny porn, they find out about sissy stuff, and then for whatever fucked up reason they decide they may actually be a woman or just get off to the thought of that. This happens even with men who seem very traditionally masculine and "non-coomer". The effect that porn has on the brain is underestimated and extremely damaging.
Unless I've misunderstood you and you're okay with him watching porn, I'd seriously just look into blocking all access to it first. The fact he's already watching tranny stuff, even if it's just "sometimes", indicates to me it's probably not the only weird 'genres' he's into, but I don't want to assume things about him nor your relationship.

No. 252429

>>252089
Honestly… The cultural fixation on cheating seems really juvenile to me. Basically everyone cheats or has been/will be embroiled in some jealousy saga involving friends or co-workers or old flames or charismatic strangers at the charity event etc. Haven't you ever read Anna Karenina? In my experience, the only thing you can do is accept that nothing is permanent, everything can change -your boyfriend is probably more likely to step in front of traffic and die from a terrible accident than he is to find himself in the perfect scenario for him to cheat on you, and what then? You will lose him as well. He might just dump you. A war might happen. Why on earth is this person guaranteed to you and what makes you think he should be? Just live your life and love the people you happen to love because that's the whole point of human attraction. Build something with him that's worthwhile because it's worth your while to do so, but the next chapter of your life can and will start at a moment's notice and that's true for everyone and it seems kind of petulant to me to be so fixated on cheating as the WORST sin when really it's just that someone took something of yours… Quite a natural part of life if you ask me. I'm not trying to condone cheating but I just feel like the hyper focused element of human jealousy gives it a special status in our angry, grieving hearts when really it's just another part of life.

No. 252431

>>252422
anons are being absolutely ridiculous in face of the facts here. according to the available statistics, at most around 0,3% of the population is a transitioning mtf. meanwhile, tranny porn is so damn popular among bi and "straight" men that it should be obvious that 99% of them don't end up trooning out, the numbers just don't add up.

now, how you feel about him watching porn you don't approve of is another thing, but it's your relationship, you have to know how much it bothers you and where your boundaries are. breaking up with your real life bf to appeal to the ideal standards of anonymous internet strangers you've never met is retarded.

No. 252437

>>252431
He might not troon out himself but that doesn't mean he isn't an AGP and has a fetish.
It all comes down to what the op is comfortable with as we've said previously. If you're ok with him fetishizing troons as long as he doesn't transition himself, then that's on you. If the relationship genuinely makes you happy then that's the most important thing, right? I read your posts on the MTF thread and you also mentioned wanting to fuck around and be in an open relationship, so obviously you guys work pretty well with each other.

No. 252441

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>>252423
>>252424
Thanks for responding nicely anons and not calling me a whore lol. Idk if it came across that I support his tranny or whatever porn habit at all but like I said, I do not trust any moid's ability to NOT watch it. He would just watch it in secret (not that he openly does it now) and bitch to his friends how I'm controlling. I also do not want to be like a fucking parent to him and limit his wifi access like for a child, good god. He is also technically more advanced than me and we both have unlimited phone internet.

>>252437
Oh he doesn't want an open relationship at all, he's very jealous (while I'm not at ALL). I'm the degenerate one here, though I'm trying to get rid of that desire but it is quite hard. Idk maybe I'm a porn brain melted coomer too.

>>252431
Ok the math does make me feel a bit better, thanks nonna.
>breaking up with your real life bf to appeal to the ideal standards of anonymous internet strangers you've never met is retarded
Kek, agree

No. 252442

>>252441
>I also do not want to be like a fucking parent to him and limit his wifi access like for a child, good god.
Yeah I definitely agree with you on that, I disagree with anons suggesting you limit his internet access and whatnot, he's a grown ass man he shouldn't need you to play his mother and block porn sites for him to stop watching porn. Well I hope it all works out for you, anon.

No. 252444

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>>252442
Thank you anon, a huggy for you

No. 252445

>>252442
I don't see the problem with blocking porn on the internet settings - it's a child-safe by name but I don't see the issue in blocking it if you're against porn for whatever reason. I have it blocked because I don't ever want that exploitative shit to come up, and I don't want anyone visiting or staying at my home thinking they can look at that content, boyfriend or not. I think imo it's perfectly acceptable to block websites which quite literally host degenerate fetishes and illegal content. More people should do it.

No. 252454

>>252441
Personally nonny i just send nudes to my bf and he doesnt watch porn.

No. 252455

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>>252454
I have done that as well but my ex boyfriend kept them all and apparently still jerks off to them

No. 252462

>>252429
I don't have a problem with things not being permanent nor do I expect someone to be "guaranteed" to me. I am aware that feelings and attraction can change over the years and I'm fine with that, even if it results in a breakup. I just want them to be honest with me instead of cheating behind my back because communication,trust and honesty are some of the most important things in a relationship for me. How else am I supposed to build something worthwhile in a monogamous relationship with somebody? If someone can't be honest with you about this matter then how do you expect them to be honest with you about anything else? Also, cheating is a choice, in my opnion. Not something that's just part of life and that everyone will/should experience.

No. 252479

>>252391
Could he compromise and go to bed with you at least some days of the week? I can relate to the other anon who likes staying up late and having alone time. It could be suffocating to have that expected every night, but even like 3 or 4 days out of the week seems like a reasonable expectation. Besides, it’s not like you got to sleep immediately at 10. It sounds like you just want to get comfortable and spend time with him before you go to sleep. Partnerships are all about compromise so if he isn’t willing to do that for you then you have a right to feel angry and hurt.

No. 252513

nonnys I got into a huge fight with my bf because he said whenever I hang out with my girl friends I become a bitch to him. But the truth is whenever I hang with them they make me feel like I should have standards and stand up for myself. At least I think?

I can't tell if I'm just in a shitty relationship and or if my friends are really 'brainwashing me' to hate being in relationships as he says.

No. 252517

>>252513
I don't know your friends or your man but I would be willing to bet my home, all my possessions and my life savings that you're in a shitty relationship and your gfs are just dying for the day you dump his undeserving ass and maintain your standards. A quality man would not need to defend his character against your friends, believe me. You're in it deep though to be questioning their word. Take a look at this book when you can, I'd also bet that if he's not physically abusive that he is emotionally abusive and that's just as draining and miserable a position to be in: https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf

No. 252519

>>252517
I will also add, a quality man wouldn't attack you and call you a bitch for raising the question of his value in your life. The fact it's coming up at all is a problem in itself, but he should calmly discuss it and respect where you're coming from even if you felt heated. If anything you should seek more outside opinions on your relationship because you're settling for some overemotional ragetard instead of a kind and rational partner.

No. 252520

>>252513
Well tell us exactly what your girl friends think and what standards your bf does or doesn't live up to.

No. 252527

>>252517
>>252519
thanks for the answers. I'm gunna read that book after work thanks for the suggestion.

>>252520
My girlfriends think that my bf is acting shady because he doesn't ever post photos of us on any of his social media. He's a photographer so he says he only posts his art on social media (which is true, all his stuff is his art stuff) but the fact he doesn't even have 1 photo of us together (of JUST us, not with friends as well) is odd.
But the stupid thing is he'll post his gym selfies on his insta stories constantly. So why can he never post a pic of us on his stories or his feed…
We also like rarely go out, ever. Granted, covid and all, but seriously, like never. We've been dating for like 6 years now too and he's been like this since the start.

There's also a bunch of small things. tldr I don't really feel like he 'wants' me. He hugs me/kisses me when I come home from work or w.e, or we cuddle, but we have sex like maybe once a week if that and it's never been this bad. He doesn't really put effort into the relationship like I do.

I've known him for a long time and before he was with me he was with another girl who he posted photos of themselves together all the time. It honestly makes me feel super insecure and down, I used to feel pretty happy with my body and what not, ate well and worked out a lot, but I can feel like my mental health dipping and myself restricting/working out several times a day because I can't help but feel like it's because I'm not good enough.

Anyway our big fight was me kind of unloading all that at him. He basically told me it wasn't true and trying to give me evidence against it but like, I just can't help what I feel. It sucks because I obviously love him but I don't think I can keep going in a relationship where it seriously feels like he's lowkey cheating on me at worst, or at best, fantasizing about his ex gf. I know.. I'm stupid. I get it.

No. 252530

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>>252527
You're not stupid nonna. I had an ex I was unhappy with, different reasons, but he did that same "show me evidence" shit and of course I could not show evidence of how I just felt. When I left, I felt no remorse. Of course I was sad for "wasting" over 6 years, and things were weird living on my own, but god it was the best decision of my life.

I'm sending you a HUGE hug nonna. And again, you are NOT stupid silly.

No. 252531

>>252527
You aren't stupid, TRUST YOUR GUT. Men will stay with women they don't particularly like or aren't attracted to because it's easy and convenient, if you feel like he doesn't want you it's very possible that's the case. And I mean, 6 years? Why hasn't he proposed yet? Res flags everywhere. If you don't feel loved and wanted, wtf is the point… being single is better.

No. 252534

>>252530
>>252531
thank you nonas, you have no idea how much I appreciate your comments. I have to see him today after work, was staying with my parents after the fight. I was going to give him a chance based on what he was going to say today but I think you girls and my friends are right. I need to trust my gut and try to heal from this mess.

If you have any suggestions on good movies or shows to watch to deal with this break up shit please let me know lol if not I'm just gunna crawl under a rock and cry myself to sleep.

No. 252538

I've been dating my bf for 4 years, we are in our 20s and this is the first relatoship for both of us. Everything was amazing until 3 month ago he confesed to me he sexted a 14 year old when he was 18. At first he didn't know her age but didn't stop when he did. This has broke me in such a way that I don't know how to keep going. I was sexually abused as a child and he's been with me through all these years of therapy. He never told me this because he knew i'll break me. He says i'm in my right to leave him but I love him. He used to be terminally online at 18 (just like me) and this girl was one of the first "friends" he ever had.
He's super sweet and overall a great boyfriend, quitted porn when we got together and started going to therapy since he told me. I genuinely think we love each other but I just feel sick knowing he used to be THAT kind of person. Even tho I know for sure he's not anymore

No. 252540

I can't help but feel like shit and so sexually frustrated because my boyfriend and I never have sex. Part of it is down to my vaginismus and self image making sex feel like a humiliating chore and honestly, sometimes I feel like he just doesn't find me that sexually attractive anymore. I gained weight over lockdown but I'm weightlifting 4x a week at the gym now, but idk it feels like that primal urge (sorry if that sounds cringe) or lust isn't there anymore. I constantly think about him sexually, but I sort of think he doesn't feel the same towards me anymore. I don't even know what to do and being spontaneous is difficult because of vaginismus…having to "prep" sexual contact and train my body not to seize up is fucking exhausting. I feel like a huge part of what makes me feel loved and wanted in a relationship is dying off and I'm just looking at it hopelessly because my body is broken and I feel like I'm forgotten about sexually.
Is there any hope for me nonnies? I feel so abnormal and embarrassed.

No. 252544

>>252538
Sorry nona, that's rough. I have no advice for you, I wouldn't know what to do in your position honestly. Hope you can somehow make a decision that you can feel at peace with.

No. 252559

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This is really cringe but I have to vent about it somewhere. I think I met my soulmate online but I’m obviously not 100% sure he is. He just has a scary amount of things in common with me but his personality is completely different than mine and I feel like we compliment each other. Like we literally have the most niche insane things in common and he’s really fucking cute. He called me for the first time last night and we talked for 2 hours!!! Is this good? He hasn’t texted me at all today but I plan on ignoring him indefinitely until he seems interested. How do I not chase/have enough confidence in myself to be okay with it if he doesn’t ever talk to me again? I’m this close to being done with men forever hence why I’m here.

No. 252579

>>252534
I'm so proud of you anon, you do deserve everything you crave in a relationship and I fully believe in time you'll be so much happier you let go of someone who wasn't on your level. You should never be invalidated for wanting someone who improves your life rather than being a continual source of disappointment and stress. Maybe it's just me, but seeing or reading any romance-related media right after the split was way too painful. I know everyone hates Reddit, but honestly this post has good advice and this sort of content was more helpful in realizing other people had been through similar things and I could get through it too: https://www.reddit.com/r/BreakUps/comments/7k7nqd/harsh_truths_and_tips_for_moving_forward/
It is okay to mourn the loss of the relationship and miss the good times, but try to always keep perspective and counter the positive thoughts with memories of his shadiness and lack of effort. The goal isn't to keep your ex on a pedestal nor paint him black, but just to remember he was a fallible person who was not the right fit for you. In moving on you are opening yourself up to much better opportunities in the future.

No. 252584

>>252540
I have never been with a partner who has vaginismus but I have been with others who had trauma surrounding sex or didn't always feel up for penetration, and all I can say is that there's no excuse for you and your boyfriend not to enjoy physical intimacy. Even if you can't always have PIV sex or that particular act is too stressful right now. Please do not feel broken or ashamed about dealing with mental triggers. With the right person, I promise they will not care and will work with you. I was so happy to do whatever my ex was comfortable with whether it oral, using hands, dirty talking, or just general intimate stuff like kissing, cuddling and massages. To me there is never any excuse to feel unsexy and undesired in a relationship. If it's lacking that then it's not serving one of its main intended purposes. Yes, you should work on improving your self image, but there's something to be said for having a partner who is genuinely excited to be with you in whatever capacity you're able to give. To me, your post reads like you really want to enjoy your sexuality but are struggling, and imo your boyfriend barely putting in effort and not doing anything to alleviate the stress surrounding the act will only compound those issues. Please don't settle for someone who is not consistently showing up for you. Also, the partner I had who dealt with intimacy issues greatly improved. It took time but it happened. You can absolutely do the same.

No. 252587

>>252559
>How do I not chase/have enough confidence in myself to be okay with it if he doesn’t ever talk to me again?
Stay busy, consistently do mental exercises to strengthen your self esteem so you love/prioritize yourself more than any other person, have plenty of goals and hobbies outside of the dating world, get excited about your own life to the point that a good man would simply be a cherry on top instead of the whole ice cream.

No. 252602

>used to fuck this guy on and off
>we were also really good friends the whole time, I mean years
>reasons for not fucking often varied between moving to different towns, being in relationships, just preoccupation with life, and an understanding that we wouldn't ever be anything more so natural fatigue
>my current boyfriend of 2 years has at one point seen this guy and I a d knows we used to fuck and this really triggered him as we have a lot of obvious chemistry which I completely understand and was sympathetic to his jealousy
>unofficially just stopped ever talking to this guy out of respect for my bf as we had quite a fairly established precedent of going cold/quiet on each other due to all manner of circumstances and kind of respect that, occasionally years of not talking even
>this guy recently reached out to me as he is in a new city (mine) with no friends and having a hard time and he asked to catch up with me and my boyfriend - he's a really oblivious and kind of naive extrovert so I know this seems reasonable to him and frankly he can get girls just fine so I know he doesn't need to go back through old flames or anything
>I know for a fact that my boyfriend will absolutely not go for this, he will completely veto the idea and it will definitely blow up if I ever even mentioned it because he is quite a jealous person which he deals with as best he can and holds himself accountable for his feelings but this would be a lot for him
So… The question is.. even though I really don't mind doing it, I really don't. But do I just completely ghost this guy? I would honestly have no problem under any other circumstances but this guy was and has been a really good friend to me and doing so feels kind of really callous and brutal but if I'm being honest I think if I even replied to this guy and told him why I couldn't and did the courtesy of telling him the upfront truth my boyfriend would still be pissed at me and just definitely overwhelmed.

No. 252603

>>252602
You should just text him the truth about why you think it would be a bad idea for you to meet him and all. He's a big boy, he can deal with not having you here, kek.

No. 252617

>>252602
Men aren't clueless, he knows your bf is the reason you're not close but wants to see if he can still have you around by making that offer.
>>252603
If he's really that much of a retard, do what this anon said and he should be understanding.

No. 252631

Maybe some of you remember my post on the last thread about my friends being too much & overbearing, and me investing too much time into their lives instead of mine. I can't find my old post, but I have an update!
A few weeks ago, I finally set up some boundaries. After a few days of spending a lot of time together again, I withdrew myself because of stress / not feeling well. That did not sit well with all of them, and I had to have a talk about my boundaries. About time management issues I have, and how I want to make MY life better.
I explained myself, how I need time to myself and that it has nothing to do with me not liking them at all.
Half of my friends took it really well and are cheering me on, the other half is pissed, I guess? They feel entitled to me telling them beforehand if I don't want to meet up, even if there aren't any plans made yet, and that does not really make sense to me. I think I let them have too much of me for too long, and now I have to pay the prize.

Either way, I finally set some boundaries and I feel good about it.

No. 252643

>>252602
I agree with the anon who says he wants to see if you're still "on" with him even though you're in a relationship. He's trying to check out how it is going. Whether you like it or not, both of you have shown to each other that you both have an ongoing relationship that is still "on" in a sense during relationships - it's not truly "off" since you both can expect what will happen in the event either of you break up with a partner. It's a kind of loyalty layer that transcends your relationships. I suspect you will only be free if this friendship ends, most people would consider that a major red flag.

No. 252646

>>252602
Just text him no, you don't even have to explain yourself. You're spending too much mental energy on an old fwb. He's also definitely not as naive as you think he is, be careful with that.

No. 252655

>>252646
>He's also definitely not as naive as you think he is
This. It's a grown ass man we are talking about.

No. 252668

>>252631
Congrats anon, I'm proud of you! Honestly I think relationship advice should extend to friend advice too because it can be really difficult to navigate healthy friendships (or maybe I'm just socially inept). I'm so happy to hear that you did it and feel good about it. I guess people have different needs, but we don't have to cater to all of them. Maybe some of your friends need someone who is going to be super available and if that's not you anymore then that's not your problem.

No. 252670

>>252538
That's very tough nonna, I'm so sorry. I am sure that other anons will disagree but if you really are sure that he has changed, and you guys have a close and communicative relationship, then I think you could get past this together. Maybe try broaching the idea of accessing/monitoring his computer for example so you can regain trust again over time? If he has nothing to hide and is truly sorry he would probably permit it. Ik other anons might disagree but I hope you're ok, give yourself time to adjust to this shock and if you really trust in his change and want to keep fighting for the relationship I think it can be done. I think the fact that he told you, and if he seems truly torn up about it, suggests a commitment to closeness with you rather than hiding the secret for longer.

No. 252688

I have to agree with >>252670. Not to be a moid apologist, but teenagers are horny retards, and teen boys even more so. It doesn't mean he's suddenly a full on pedo, but you should of course keep an eye on him.

No. 252704

>>252538
He's a hebephile, only a hebephile would go after and sext with underages girls, taking the legal risk because it's a paraphilia he has to satisfy. He'll lose interest in you and attempt cheat on you with younger girls if you keep dating him because by going along this, you will accept his attraction to underaged girls being valid. It's up to you but you should realize that no man who sexts with a child is a good person and that he's probably going to cheat on you or consume cp in the future. It's even worse if you have kids.

No. 252756

File: 1648689487849.jpg (21.12 KB, 597x559, 1580297147780.jpg)

>>252454
>i just send nudes to my bf and he doesnt watch porn.

No. 252760

>>252441
>Oh he doesn't want an open relationship at all, he's very jealous (while I'm not at ALL). I'm the degenerate one here, though I'm trying to get rid of that desire but it is quite hard. Idk maybe I'm a porn brain melted coomer too.
for the sake of yourself and any future partners (because i'm hoping the creatura you're with right now is going to be an ex soon… right?): don't. the feelings and attractions towards other people won't just go away, you will end up feeling trapped and unfulfilled and it will be no one's fault but your own for trying to suppress yourself and not communicating your needs. worst case scenario, you will end up breaking the trust of someone you love. absolutely do not do this with him because a jealous person and a troon is not only someone you should already not be dating but also the worst person to try and be open with (you know the jokes about troon disaster polycules). but this kind of thing is totally normal these days and a lot more common than most people suspect. don't let the fear of looking silly on lolcow dictate how you live your life, you only get one.

No. 252778

>>252454
Don't do this. My girl friends show me all the nudes guys send them, we discuss them and such and men do much worse things. The nudes are 4chan are all their ex gfs and they always share those with friends. You're putting yourself in danger.

No. 252780

>>252538
Sorry nonna but thats gross and id break up. Im not saying this because its trendy to tell others to break up but when i was 18 i knew not to mess around with anyone younger. A 14 years old IS A CHILD! Even when i was 18 i felt weird taking to 16 years olds!!
This is NOT okay

No. 252782

>>252778
I never show my face so no worries nonny. Id never send nudes with my face in it as i find it too risky. Thank you for worrying about me nonna
>>252756
I prefer him masturbate to me. We both dont watch porn.We also talk dirty on the phone all the time.
>>252455
How do you know? Did he tell you? Wtf

No. 252794

>>252454
Imagine being this trashy

No. 252798

>>252778
Random men or their boyfriends? One seems more grim than the other

No. 252835

>>252780
Thank you, I’m surprised by anons defending this guy. Is the fact he’s “sweet” enough to override the fact he’s a pedo? There are millions of sweet guys in the world who wouldn’t have attempted to groom a child. Have some standards. The fact he’s waited so long to tell op about this knowing how it would (rightfully) affect her now that she’s years into the relationship and emotionally invested in him is selfish and manipulative. I’d also guess he’s hiding some nasty stuff on his phone or computer. Also
>20s
>first relationship
Very very few people stay with the same partner they met in their teens/20s throughout life just because we change so much as people during this time. Op also has no experience with other men and while I’m not saying she needs to date 50 guys to know what she wants, there is a certain level of don’t give a fuck-ness one obtains once you break yourself of the idea that there is only one person who is right for you and realize you don’t have to settle for the first man who ever showed interest, especially when he’s done something this gross. Sometimes I forget how young this site skews.

No. 252840

>>252429
This is an amazing and thoughtful post that made me rethink my view of relationships to something healthier. Thank you.

No. 252848

>>252429
this post just pissed me off and makes me not want to date at all tbh

No. 252852

>>252835
There was only 1 anon saying something in favour of the moid.

No. 252853

>>252429
Everyone cheats? Uh, no.

No. 252870

>>252852
There were 2 making excuses for him actually but I did miss another anon speaking against him. A guy like this should've immediately been shouted down though, that behavior is disgusting. No woman should ever have or want to say "the love of my life kept the fact he's a pedophile from me for years but I swear he's changed!"

No. 252876

>>252794
Stfu moid

No. 252877

>>252835
Im >>252780 and im surprised anons defended the moid.

No. 252901

Any unemployed nonnies with a boyfriend here who can give me advice on how to stop feeling unworthy of a relationship because I currently don't have a job? I'm in uni and used to work part-time in an office up until two momths ago because I got burnt out and wasn't properly focusing on my studies but I'm worried it's gonna be a problem for any future love interest because I'm in my mid twenties? I'm current living off of my savings and parents who've agreed to help me out for as long as I need it.

No. 252904

>>252782
I'm not laughing at you for not watching porn, I'm laughing at you for actually believing your moid doesn't watch it because you send him nudes. That's straight up handmaiden mindset "oh if I just have sex with him enough/send him enough nudes, he won't need porn anymore". Men don't quit porn just because their gfs send them nudes. If they quit, it's because they are strongly opposed to it, although because they're moids, their reasons are usually "it broke muh dick" or "it's basically cheating" and not concern for the women in the industry. I've heard enough men say things like "I can already have sex with my wife/gf any time, why would I fantasize about her too? I watch porn for the variety". You're incredibly naive if you think the nudes you send make any difference, other than giving your moid the ammunition to embarrass you if he ever feels like it.

No. 252905

>>252835
LC was posted to an incel german imageboard and pol today so we have a lot of male pedos here. Don't trust them, they're definitely males because no woman would support a man who's clearly been fantasizing about and possibly planning on sexually assaulting a child. You can't even be sure if he has had sex with teens but didn't tell you.

No. 252907

File: 1648755079596.jpg (12.6 KB, 400x306, image.jpg)

>>252905
>no woman would support a man who's clearly been fantasizing about and possibly planning on sexually assaulting a child
yes, for sure everyone who disagrees with me is a moid and there are no absolutely degenerate women on here

No. 252911

>>252904
I was gonna reply to that nonny as well, but if she's delusional enough to believe he doesn't watch porn, she won't listen to us kek. I don't believe ANY woman that says her moid doesn't watch porn. I just don't. Even the nicest, most unsuspecting moids watch porn.

No. 252913

>>252911
NTA but I think some rare moids genuinely don't, though it's usually because they're already former addicts who killed their dicks with it. Like that one anon's from last thread bf who would freak out at any mention of porn because he had so many mental issues from watching it kek. But yeah believing "I don't need porn when I have your nudes babe uwu" is delusional.

No. 252915

>>252907
NTA but I believe it's not a normal nonnie. The pedopanderers made posts that are minutes apart too.

No. 252916

>>252915
my point is that there are absolutely women who would defend pedo moids and i absolutely believe that some farmers on here are deranged enough for that, even if those specific posts were not coming from them

No. 252919

>>252916
NTA but there has been shotafags here who got banned for that, those two posters in this thread didnt get redtexted tho.

No. 252927

>>252538
id hate to play devils advocate but both 14 and 18 are high school ages. Its gross af but even if he wasn't looking for minors on social media he still would have found one in high school.
17-18 year old boys dating 14-15 year old freshmen in HS is very common. Its wrong but it is very common and normalized.

Now if he was over the age of 18 like 19-20 then it would have been really creepy.

No. 252932

>>252927
What is the difference between 19 and 18? I don't really even get your point behind saying that it's normalized, it doesn't mean that it's alright or that anon should forgive him.

No. 252940

>>252932
because 19 is a college age and men over that age actively search for minors and prey on them.
Meanwhile a 18 year old senior could just meet a freshman in high school.

Her boyfriend is obviously on the creeper list though since he was actively searching for a minor, its not like he met her randomly in school and that's wrong, not defending that.

No. 252946

>>252940
>Meanwhile a 18 year old senior could just meet a freshman in high school.
But he didn't, anon it would still be disgusting if he did, but that isn't related to the actual situation. Just because he's a year younger than 19 doesn't make it less creepy. Wtf was the point of saying any of that if you're not trying to defend him and you know that they
met on social media?

No. 252949

>>252942
>>Wtf was the point of saying any of that if you're not trying to defend him?
i dont know im only running on 2 hours of sleep.

I just find it weird how society sees 18 year olds dating 14ys in high school as normal but if they do it through social media its seen as wrong. Both can be wrong/right and im tired of this fake virtue signaling.

Its so easy to be fake woke on the internet but i know for a fact people like you are the same ones to be silent of males dating minors in real life.
Literally had a 21 ys old guy try to groom me when i was in high school when i was 15 and other similar aged girls and everyone was okay with it and silent including the sjw in our class who i bet talks about how GROSS men dating minors is on the internet.
One of his pickme girlfriends even tried to harm me for him trying to groom me and every bitch was on her side.

No. 252950

>>252940
>Meanwhile a 18 year old senior could just meet a freshman in high school.

And? There's are differences in maturity between a 14 and an 18 year old.

No. 252952

>>252949
>i know for a fact people like you are the same ones to be silent of males dating minors in real life
Whatever makes you feel better anon. You're the one who wanted to play devils advocate and defend him.

No. 252954

>>252952
>>devils advocate
yeah because most people see 14-15 and 17-18 as normal in real life and most of those people interact with each other in school. I only see this fake virtue signaling on the int.

No. 252962

File: 1648767974885.jpg (95.65 KB, 578x547, 1404970503014.jpg)

>>252927
idk man, I got groomed by a senior when I was 14 in HS and there was definitely a difference in the power dynamic between us. He also pushed sex on me right off the bat, whereas my friends with 14 y/o bfs went slow and steady. I regret not being aware of the grooming, but yeah… I was just 14.

No. 252964

>>252962
how did you get groomed lmao you didnt even go to the same classes. You chose to date a 18yo and are surprised he wanted sex??(USER HAS BEEN PUT OUT TO PASTURE)

No. 252969

>>252954
It's not virtue signaling to say that men shouldn't sext 14 year olds. I don't even understand why you want to play devil's advocate for that if you say you almost got groomed.

No. 252972

>>252964
>>252963
>>252971
You have to be 18 to post on this site + your 25 year old groomer bf will leave you the second you're legal

No. 252976

Nonas I need advice or just to vent.

My partner's best friend feels super clingy with her. I see my gf once a week because we have different schedules but when I'm not around she's always hanging out with her. If we might be able to hang outside of our day off, my gf will start planning then cancel later because her best friend wanted to hang out or threatened to kms.

When I explained this to my gf she tried to reassure me saying that I'm her priority but it never feels like it. Wtf do I do??

No. 252977

>>252976
There's two possibilities here either she's an absolute mental midget who does whatever someone says just because they say they're gonna kill themselves or she's cheating on you/wants to. Sorry but your gf should never cancel plans with you for her ~best friend~, cancelling plans is rude enough already

No. 252978

>>252977

Her best friend is straight so I don't think it's cheating… But she'll say "Oh! Let's hang out tonight" then like an hour before say "Oh but best friend got left home alone so I'm going over" then not even apologize. I have zero expectations for going on dates or anything past the one day now

No. 252981

>>252978
Definitely not prioritizing you.. She doesn't seem ready for a relationship if someone else is consistently more important than you. Not really sure what you can do other than either accept you will always come second to her, or find a new partner.

No. 253038

https://twitter.com/obversers/status/1509643838670966793
how common is the mindset described in this tweet and its replies?(this is an imageboard. post screencaps)

No. 253039

>>252978
Well she's blatantly lying about prioritizing you. Is her friend stringing her along with manipulative kms threats? Does your gf perhaps not know how to handle someone who regularly threatens with suicide?

No. 253041

>>253038
Where did you find this autistic incel shit? Also its much easier for a men to get a girlfriend thats facts. Women date men who are unwashed, stinky, broke, ugly, abusive, etc all the fucking time meanwhile men want a woman thats perfect, shaved all the time, curvy but thin, they basically want a bangmaid slave that looks like an ig thot.

No. 253042

>>252976
You should be your partner’s priority. YOU should be the #1 best friend. Its all about boundaries. Please talk to your gf

No. 253043

>>252904
He doesnt watch porn anon. Stop thinking every moid is pornsick. Some males dont watch porn but have fun thinking every male on earth does kek
I send nudes because we are in a relationship and we turn each others on

No. 253044

>>252904
Also who said im sending nudes so he doesnt watch porn? Thats retarded You can laugh all you want but some of us dont date pornsick retards.

No. 253045

>>252954
Youre really autistic anon. An 18 years old is an adult and even then theyre much more mature than a fucking 14 years old. A 14 years old is a fucking child. When i was 18 i still saw people younger than me as children. What the fuck does he have in common? Stop defending this pedo shit. I can understand a 18 years old dating a 17 years old but 14?? Wtf?

No. 253046

>>252964
>YOU CHOSE TO GO ON A DATE SO IT MEANS YOU AGREED FOR SEX
Moid logic. Please leave

No. 253048

>>253043
nta, I sorta agree with you on the porn part but anon is right about being careful with sending nudes. Moids sharing their ex's nudes or even current gf's in their social circles or posting them online or using them to blackmail them to get revenge or keeping them to jack off to even after they've broken up is not a rarity. It's happened to too many women who honest to god thought their men were to be trusted with their nudes, it's shockingly common. In my opinion women should never send nudes no matter how much they think their partners can be trusted. But since he's already in possesion of your nudes I guess it doesn't matter in your case.

No. 253050

>>253048
youre right nonny it happens. I never show my face in them or a background where someone would recognize me in . I just dont want anons to think i send nudes so he doesnt watch porn because that logic is retarded.
hes not a pornsick coomer and i vetted all his social media. Hes the only guy that actually respects me and so far he treats me well. If i wasnt dating him i wouldnt be in any relationships because moids are hopeless

No. 253053

>>252927
>>252940
>>252949
>>252954
>>252964
Ok why the fuck is the pedobandering male poster still not fucking banned? First they defwnded ops ADULT bf exchanging CP with a minor and swxting her by saying he was a horny teen. Now they're saying adult men having sex with teens isn't rape because they asked for it but going on dates. I'm sorry by jannies are retarded if they think these posts are made by actual women.

No. 253060

>>253053
Im hoping its moids and not actual women saying this shit

No. 253065

>>253060
Me too and I'm actually sure because this alone >>252964 is pedo moid logic men use when they're accused of trying to groom girls.
Jannies won't ban them though, even though they're obviously males. I don't get it but jannies tend to not ban male posters until things go out of hand and the whole thread derails.

No. 253070

>>252964
she was 14, kill yourself

No. 253071

>>252964
>How did an adult try to force sex upon you as a child?
Use your brain moid

No. 253084

>>253070
>>253071
Why don't jannies ban these moids? I sometimes feel like they're biased, these pedo infighting has been going on for 2 days at this point.

No. 253086

>>253084
There's too few jannies.

No. 253088

>>253086
I don't think so. Jannies did the same in /ot/ just now, banned the anon who said it was creepy to defend cobain's sexual desires towards infants while they didn't ban the anon who defended him wanting to assault kids.

No. 253098

>>253039

It feels like it!! Like I understand her best friend doesn't have many people but she has her own man's?? If they even get into a small argument it's 'Ohhh I'm going to kms' like girl??

Or last time it was 'Hey gf I want to spend more time together do you think you could not hang out
with her tonight'

'Wow your gf has you on a leash…'

No. 253102

>>253088
/ot/ jannies aren't necerssarily also /g/ jannies afaik

No. 253107

>>253098
You really should have a conversation with your gf about the behaviour of her friend (without that friend present). She's manipulative and a negative influence on your relationship. You probably know but someone who regularly threatens with suicide isn't suicidal, they're just attention seekers. She's manipulating your gf for her time and attention. I know it's probably going to be hard to have that conversation because she (the friend) will probably go "She's just trying to break our friendship, She's jealous of our friendship" etc. afterwards but you should really do it before she drives a wedge between you two.

No. 253171

>I'm 30
>engaged to fiancé who is 45 but looks young
>we bought a house recently and wanted to look into having a family
>we tried for awhile but nothing happened, as ditto with his ex wife who got immediately knocked up by someone else post divorce
>he tried to say it might be me
>I've had abortions in the past, so no, but I didn't mention that
>insist he go get tested because it's easier for men anyway
>he seemed irritated at the prospect but finally goes
>confirmed infertile as fuck and zero sperm
>he's angry-afraid and thinks I'll leave him
>he might have klinefelter syndrome which explains a lot
>says he's ok if we go sperm donor route
I don't know how to feel about this. Honestly I wouldn't leave him for any physical reasons but I think he's really immature and this situation is one of many that highlights that. I mean in the sense that he's 45 years old and doesn't seem to have taken much ownership of his life in general.
He didn't even know he was colorblind until he met me. I innocently discovered it while watching YT with him and confirmed with a color test. His diet is shit. He makes excuses when it comes to exercise. Sure he's not fat-fat but he isn't in shape either and evidently has health issues that he'd rather avoid. He acts like a baby about being told he's not perfect instead of feeling relief for finally having an answer and adapting his lifestyle accordingly.

He spends frivilously then complains to me about money. I make more money than he does and yet he does nothing to try to earn more himself because he knows he would have to work more like I do. He constantly wants me to give him asspats for slaving at retail when he has two degrees he doesn't use. When I suggest he apply for other work if not for shits and giggles to see what he could get, he finds a reason why it wouldn't be a good fit. He only wants to be a writer–which he has no portfolio nor marketing exp for in a STEM-dominated area–but even then he barely writes even as a hobby. He isn't realistic about it. He doesn't even seem to feel remotely ashamed that he makes so little money. He's very stubborn.

He's lazy. He'll do housework but most of the time I have to ask. Most times things are half-assed. He acts more tired than me and more pressed even though I work more hours and sleep less than he does. Even having a child with him makes me nervous because he does the bare minimum for our puppy and doesn't like to be inconvenienced or bothered by mild pet antics. I know if I had a baby with him as things are now, I'd be doing it alone.

He's paranoid of every man I'm around and hints about them wanting me and cheating. He's obsessed with me in every facet. He clings to me whenever I'm home while barely giving me any personal space, and gets hurt if I don't give affection. Not the best sex either, which I now hope is explained by the possible genetic condition, but at least he's willing to play a toy on me and he doesn't ask me for anything so there's that.

I really hope he gets a klinefelter diagnosis. If hormonal therapy can help and maybe address some of these issues that I perceive as immaturity, then I think he deserves that chance.
Apparently men with klinefelter tend to be low energy, sensitive, chubby, and have mental illnesses like depression, adhd, and anxiety. He has other symptoms that match. I really do believe he has it.
If not, then I fear the worst for our relationship.
It would read to me like he's well aware that he is being a drag, but rather than try to get on my level, hopes that I won't leave. Right now I can't leave because of financial reasons, but if I can pay down my debt and earn more, then there's little doubt I'd want to leave if he cannot change.

No. 253173

>>253171
no offense but he sounds legit retarded. he's 45 and still this retarded, useless around the house, spends like shit. you're 15 years younger than him having to mother his aging ass. is there any equity in the house or what? what are you gaining from this situation with this guy? i would dip personally and do not do not get married. your name is already on the deed, what more do you need? a 30k divorce and a nightmare?

No. 253174

>>253171
Should've been wiser than to date a baby 15 years your senior

No. 253175

>>253171
You already know what to do. Don't let the sunk cost sink you further. A diagnosis isn't going to change anything. It just gives his retardation a name. The retardation will still be there. And for fuck's sake don't bring a child into this mess. How do you think a child will turn out with him as its role model even if his dead sperm aren't involved?

No. 253177

>>253171
That’s very considerate of you nonnie, you must love him very much.
As someone that dealt with something similar, low energy, depression, brain fog brought on by illness it can be very difficult to recognize that medication/treatment is the first step. Hopefully with medical intervention his energy will pick up and along with it his mood but he will need to make lifestyle changes. Eating better, exercising. Naming the problem is the first step but he will still potentially need years to fully recover and reach his best health.
Plenty of others have given you the sunk cost line but it is ultimately up to you as you are the one living the situation. What will you do if 5 years from now he’s on medication but made no attempts to change anything else? What is it you hope to get from him recovering somewhat, is it just a pregnancy or a more present and participatory partner? Can you have these discussions with him, just facts about how he sees himself stepping up and improving?
Whatever you choose nonnie I hope you achieve happiness.

No. 253178

>>253173
If it's something medical then I figure it's good practice as a decent human to give him a chance with medication, you know? I do care about and love him.
Klinefelter can impact cognition apparently too. If he can get some hormonal therapy he may change. I know I changed when I got the right meds, and men used me up and down then abandoned me when I didn't have my shit together.
Besides, it's not like it would be in my best interest to leave as I have a financially fucked situation right now and I'm lucky to have the house and not rent. Unless some rich hunk knocks down my door offering me the world kek.
We're not married and don't even have a date set, it's not like a trial period will put me out like the nuclear option of trying to end this relationship and dissolving assets would. It's complicated and wouldn't be easy.

>>253175
>what about your child?
I don't know how to feel about this argument. I had awful parents. Father was outright abusive and abandoned me on the side of the street when I was a preteen. My mother parentified me and was a narcissist. Never had a stable homelife or schedule with a single mom who remarried and moved a lot.
All things considered, I think I turned out okay and would be pretty confident I could raise a child better than how I was raised less the neuroses and straight up neglect. It's not a bad household, I just think my partner needs to be more involved and less whiny about it.
The fact that his sperm is dead gives me complete control on the stipulations of if and when we have a child which is even better if it turns out he can't meet me in the middle.

No. 253179

>>253177
I appreciate this post anon, I've taken it to heart. It's tough but I have to have those difficult conversations. Thank you for being understanding.

No. 253180

>>253175
This but most of all: do you really think it's a good idea to have a child with a man who already won't do basic household chores unless you ask and then still half-asses them? He won't help you with raising the child, make no mistake; he won't change. You'll be a full-time working married mother who also does the household and all of the raising of the kids on your own. Don't be like my mom who thought my father would mature once he got his first child, he didn't and she raised basically two kids and a manbaby on her own. And these stories are frightingly common.

No. 253184

>>253180
Do any men really master domestic chores? I've yet to hear of a relationship where this is the dynamic, usually it is a woman driving the household even if there's a honeymoon period where the man is on his best behavior or steps up temporarily. At best I've just heard of men who aren't as messy to warrant being picked and cleaned up after much. Or they're stay at home dads, but then you've gotta square away that they don't have an income. Which is a big deal as women are still paid less and hit a glass ceiling compared to male earners, although then we get situations like OP where they just don't apply themselves.
This is still culturally common and it's kind of unfair to act like women just haven't searched hard enough for the men who do.

No. 253185

>>253177
girl, please. while it's entirely possible these are the things bogging him down, literally almost every male expects a bangmaid mommy by default. their retardation is usually not a result of a disorder of sexual development. like fine if she wants to wait it out for meds but i HIGHLY doubt this is down to anything but that men are taught they do not need to accept responsibility or take care of their own lives. our hormonal situation and the way it ineracts with depression and the trauma so women go through is very complicated and rarely comparable to the way men are. it's entirely possible, but he's 45 and spends like shit. that's not uncommon for 45 year old men by any means. in fact, i'd say it's standard male retardation - it's just unacceptable

No. 253186

>>253184
she didn't say she needs to search harder. she said it's not a good idea to have a kid with a man who hasn't mastered it. they ARE rare but usually a lot of women aren't having kids with guys ALSO 15 years older. this is like a lose-lose-lose-lose. most women are struggling with POS husbands who do nothing but expect everything who are 1-2 years around their age. it's a struggle all around and that's why is retarded to have kids with men point blank period but 15 years and that same shit too? imo… no thanks.

No. 253189

>>253184
>it's kind of unfair to act like women just haven't searched hard enough for the men who do.
But anon I didn't say or imply this about anon's case whatsoever? All I'm saying is that anon should ask herself if that's a good idea and if she wants that for herself because she'll very likely be the exhausted overworked mom without sufficient help from her partner. Does she really want that for herself?

No. 253190

>>253184
NTA but probably very few but I agree. And even if some clean, they do it very sloppily.
My mom lucked out, cause my dad can cook, clean and even sew but probably only because his mom taught him to kek.

No. 253191

>>253189
nta but i agree with you and i didn't perceive what you said to say that when i read it either. it's a losing game to have a kid with a male to me all around given how men are. she'll also have to be wiping his ass sooner than the younger men too in addition to the baby's. unless he's got money… i'm not getting it? where is the upside? a guy also going for a girl 15 years younger than him is already sus

not that it matters but i've personally known men with klinefelters and they were literally no less retarded or unmotivated than the average male. maybe they were just an exception but to be male is to be taught to that they have the luxury and privilege of being willfully incompetent

No. 253192

>>253186
>>253189
But that's what you're implying.
Don't have a relationship or a kid with a man who can't master cleaning, okay, but which do?
Following logic she should be perma single and never breed with men or else it's her fault because there's no real alternative to get what she wants any other way.
Unless you have a database on amazing men who want to pamper women and clean their homes who are miraculously still single in their 30s, what good does saying the obvious serve here? She sounds aware.

No. 253193

>>253192
to me? don't have a kid with a man because in this society you lose, and you lose hard. and this one doesn't even have any money for spousal support or child support, and he's 15 years older than her, and she has to teach him literally everything he needs, and now they need to go through the extra expense of fertility treatment?

in my perfect world? don't have kids as a woman with a dude but if you absolutely must, try your best to maximize the upsides i guess. there are literally none here that i can tell other than that he possibly(?) "loves" her (yet he's also going after someone 15 years younger than him - the capacity for love on such a male is even more sus than the average)

No. 253194

>>253192
>Following logic she should be perma single and never breed with men or else it's her fault because there's no real alternative to get what she wants any other way.
i just read up on this discussion and honestly, i don't think women should feel like staying single is the worst possible thing that they could endure and that they should find a guy to marry if it's the last thing they do. yes, being "perma single and never breeding with men" is a lot better than being in a relationship with a guy 15 years your senior who can't do basic household chores and will have to be taken care of 24/7 in a couple decades. If you want a child and haven't found the one, you can be a single mother too. there's so many other options so i don't really agree with the narrative that staying single as opposed to staying in a failing relationship is terrible and should be avoided at all costs.

No. 253197

>>253194
>staying single is the worst possible thing that they could endure and that they should find a guy to marry if it's the last thing they do
I don't think this is good advice considering OP admitted to financial debt and hardship. It doesn't sound like an emotional co-dependence issue as much as a circumstancial one. You'd be surprised what women endure with men if there are high stakes, and being financially insecure as a woman is a completely shit experience. Even if he bring in a small income and does what little he does around the house, perhaps to OP she needs it.
Single motherhood has its own challenges and should really only be reserved for successful women who pull high income on their own, but even with the resources and finances it's exhausting and lonely and society never looks upon single mothers well.

No. 253199

>>253185
Yes and you just said all that. Not everyone responds well to being bludgeoned over the head with reality. Plenty of other nonnies here took the other position and I don’t necessarily disagree with it but I think that op nonnies feelings deserve consideration and their compassion for their partner deserves to be met with a similar level of compassion in response.
In no way do I think meds will solve things if it is a case of typical male entitlement, that’s why I encourage nonnie to have a conversation to lay out expectations from both parties and actionable things he can do to demonstrate he’s making an attempt not to languish.
At the end of the day we’re randos on an image board, nonnie is the one that has to live with her choices.

No. 253200

>>253184
My nigel makes the bed, cooks, cleans, does the laundry for us (he does it correctly as well), prepares my lunch and breakfast for the days I work, and always brings me drinks and food so I don't need to get up and go get it myself. We both go grocery shopping, but that's a bonding activity that we enjoy on the new weekends so I don't count it as a chore and we also usually get lunch somewhere after. Don't settle for less, anons.

No. 253201

>>253197
if you're not independently sufficient, dinkdom is the safest bet always. sorry about it, anons. bringing kids into a financially insecure situation or shaky situation is never good. a dual income household (friends or partner) is always going to be the smartest bet for women financially who are especially concerned about their longterm financial stability if they can't hack it on their own.

No. 253203

>>253200
Cool, report back in 5 years.

>>253201
Agreed, which is why I think anons presuming OP has the option is kinda funny. Women with fuck off money don't bother with men.

No. 253207

>>253203
Encouraging women to accept bad behavior and laziness from their male partners because they won't find better is peak moid rhetoric. I'm sorry if you're actually a woman and have been successfully convinced of this, but men who can and will do chores properly and without complaint are plentiful. And you don't need to be a supermodel to get them. All women should have standards even if they don't work, which she does.

No. 253209

>>253203
>Women with fuck off money don't bother with men.
that's not true. plenty of women with money fuck up their lives with men and completely ruin their shit because society makes them feel incomplete. i'm not sure which part you agreed with in my post but she makes no sense. she can't hack it alone but she also wants to bring kids into the mix. like… how does that make sense? she's not financially stable and she's mothering a fiscally irresponsible tard. her best bet is to keep everything the way it is at best - no kids. she's also likely going to be the one forking out the cash to get impregnated with another man's sperm while she cleans the house, cares for the kid, and does the breadwinning, i mean, it's all ludicrous for this particular moid. DINKdom is the furthest a woman should go with men, no kids.

No. 253210

>>253207
>Encouraging women to accept bad behavior and laziness from their male partners because they won't find better is peak moid rhetoric.
Well it's a good thing nobody encouraged OP to accept anything and we can put this strawman to rest right now.

No. 253214

>>253203
>Cool, report back in 5 years.
I'm nta but wow, the bar is in hell. So many women really believe it's worth staying with a manchild incapable of common housekeeping tasks. I was married for almost 10 years and my ex managed to pick up after himself, wash dishes, vacuum, and wipe his own ass the whole time without me having to mommy him. My male relatives all manage these tasks just fine whether they are living alone or with a woman. In fact some of them I'd consider neat freaks and are even tidier than the partners they've had. OP is pathetic to stay with such an incompetent moron and I grieve for the child she'll have if she stays, yet another kid brought up with the toxic dynamic where mom does literally everything and dad takes no responsibility ever. If it's a male he will grow up just like dad and become a parasite, if it's a girl she'll grow up believing women taking up every burden is normal while a man leeches off of her. You can try to teach them better all you want, but what they'll actually absorb is what they see playing out around them.
>I really hope he gets a klinefelter diagnosis.
>Apparently men with klinefelter tend to be low energy, sensitive, chubby, and have mental illnesses like depression, adhd, and anxiety.
Oh is that all? Yeah, clearly someone who deserves to be a parent. If you want to subject yourself to an idiot like this for the rest of your life go right ahead, but you are trash if you decide to raise a child in this environment.

No. 253216

>>253209
>she can't hack it alone but she also wants to bring kids into the mix
How does this not make sense for you? Plenty of women have kids who don't make money.
Literally what are stay at home moms. Literally what are moms in countries with no structured labor.
Literally what are single moms on welfare.
The majority of mothers on this planet would have been disqualified as most women can't financially hack it on their own, whether through their fault or not.
Dumb argument. And irrelevant as it sounds like OP intends to work on it and is able to control when she does.

No. 253218

>>253216
yes, those are all what we with foresight tend to call "bad ideas" and "not suggestible". great advice, anon. really great.

No. 253220

>>253216
>Plenty of women have kids who don't make money.
That… doesn't mean they should've. You really have no empathy or consideration for children.

No. 253221

>>253214
>REEEE THE BAR IS IN HELL
>putting "wiped own ass" on list of responsibilities
Hm, pot meet kettle. Washing dishes and running a vacuum are basic ass chores too. Takes more than that to keep a household clean but it seems you can't even admit to yourself that your own divorced scrote didn't do shit in comparison to what most women do.
Why can't you just admit that your Nigels, who are for all intents and purposes better than most men, at the end of the day will never bother with the same responsibilities and expectations of women because it's simply not demanded of them? Evidenced by all the sperging at OP for wanting to compromise with hers because somehow the man not pulling his own weight has still got to be her fault in some way.
>My male relatives all manage these tasks just fine whether they are living alone or with a woman.
Unless you personally interrogate their wives and gfs shut the fuck up lmao, you have no idea what happens behind closed doors even if your precious Nigels put up a good front.
>yet another kid brought up with the toxic dynamic where mom does literally everything and dad takes no responsibility ever
Yeah pity the kid that gets raised by a woman with great work ethic and compassionate against her own good. You don't sound like the toxic one with bad takes AT ALL.

You sound like a bitch and I hope you're sterilized.

No. 253223

>>253218
>>253220
I'm sorry your mothers were broke scrote enablers but you know not everyone who grew up in rough circumstances regrets being born and turns out bad in adulthood. Just sayin.

No. 253230

Why is this thread always infighting central? Are moids dropping by to stir shit?

No. 253233

>>253221
I mean, I noted basic tasks because that's the sort of thing you were talking about. He did far more than that but I didn't want to write an essay because I figured you could extrapolate from there, but clearly you lack any level of critical reasoning. You're also attributing REEE rage to me when I'm just mildly disgusted by the fact you're a messy scrote apologist.
>Unless you personally interrogate their wives and gfs shut the fuck up lmao, you have no idea what happens behind closed doors even if your precious Nigels put up a good front.
I visit their homes when they're single and they are clean and well maintained? Why are you acting like this is impossibly difficult for the average adult to do?
>Yeah pity the kid that gets raised by a woman with great work ethic and compassionate against her own good.
No, she would be selfish if she chooses to raise a child with a worthless scrote who will influence their image of what a man should do and be in a relationship. It's absolutely delusional to think this has no affect on kids. Sure, they might eventually turn into well adjusted adults, but if you care about a child as more than an accessory you would not choose to knowingly bring them into a shitty situation with a depressed, unhealthy, incompetent, useless parent.
>You sound like a bitch and I hope you're sterilized.
All this rage you have really implies this is personal for you. Sad.

No. 253235

>>253230
Yes. Moids like to camp out in this thread caping for their fellow scrotes while they wait for nonas to post their bodies in the kibbe and plastic surgery threads.

No. 253244

>>253223
my mother made money independently and tried to keep my father away after they broke up and raise me alone, which would've prevented the abuse i suffered as a child at his hands IF THE COURTS didn't insist that he was to be involved because the state mandates payment unless there is a stepfather to assign away rights, which we did not have. you don't know how the court system actually works. many children face the same fate or worse. precisely how is my advocating for not having children because the courts use the father or men as a failsafe to lessen the reliance on welfare, which puts the child at risk, scrote-enabling? these women out here having children without money are not having them at fertility clinics so there's no father, btw.

the courts want parental rights to exist as much as possible and you don't get that, clearly. unless these women are going in knowing they will never, ever establish paternal rights for these kids, these kids are going to be in for a tough time, even if the mother has money. the best way is to never, ever get involved with them, but 99.9% of women who are having kids without their own complete established financial stability are establishing paternal rights for their children and it is extremely difficult to get rid of these men and they will fight for more "time" with these kids to not pay, wherein the child is abused or neglected.

No. 253246

>>253233
I don't care about this argument at all but you are really insistent that the behavior of men is somehow women's fault, and if we do what we have to do to work with their selfishness to get what we need out of life then that somehow makes us as selfish as they are.
Well, you're wrong.
But thanks for giving men more ammo to use against us. I guess if our adult partners don't step up then it's not on them to be better, but is actually our responsibility for having given them the chance which makes us equally culpable somehow. And if we don't like it then we have the wonderful option of being alone and jaded which of course is such a happy ending /s
For fuck's sake you're acting like farmers here are encouraging women to have children with pedophiles and addicts. The guy is just lazy like the majority of men and it might even be due to a medical condition for all we know. She's an adult who can judge what she's getting into for herself if she wants to deal with it or not.
Quit your bullshit, you're typing like shit has already happened and you have no clue.



Ever notice how men never get blamed for their partner choices?
Like if a woman is heaven forbid one of the fabled golddiggers, society never says to those men "Well ya shoulda chose better," nah, they're always rushing to lick the wounds and coddle. Only men get afforded the luxury of empathy while women are expected to suffer consequences if they failed to map out 4D chess games with moids.

No. 253248

>>253246
bizarre you're trying to come at this from a purportedly feminist angle when you told her she's "a bitch" and that you hope she's sterilized. you're insane if you think you're fighting some good feminist fight. men are incompetent tards because they're taught to be. women should expect more and until they have more (for both their own security and the best situation for the child) they absolutely shouldn't bring children into the equation, yes, that would be selfish of either parent.

No. 253249

>>253248
Feminists can still think you're a bitch and hope you don't have kids.
Bizarre to think feminists owe it you to be lovely when you say insensitive and cruel shit just because of your gender.
I can dislike men and also dislike you at the same time. Did you think you had something here?
Go scree on a male imageboard about selfishness if it's so important to you…oh wait, they don't care.

No. 253250

>>253248
>spends hours browbeating someone else's situation when they haven't even done anything wrong
>retaliation comes
>"t-t-that's not feminist of you.."
Male troll.

No. 253260

>>253246
Wanting to raise children in a stable, healthy environment makes anyone arguing against your inane logic bitchy and means they shouldn't have kids? Right. You keep ignoring the fact that having a negative male influence in kids' lives is worse than having none at all. He's not just lazy, he's unhealthy, depressive, aggressive towards op when he isn't immediately presumed to be right, a poor spender who contributes little monetarily and likely even limits their savings, obsessive and blames her for thinking about cheating when she hasn't done any such thing. How many red flags do you need? She even states
>Even having a child with him makes me nervous because he does the bare minimum for our puppy and doesn't like to be inconvenienced or bothered by mild pet antics. I know if I had a baby with him as things are now, I'd be doing it alone.
She knows this is bad idea. And if she acknowledges being a "co-parent" with him would mean essentially doing it alone, she has no reasons but selfish ones to not actually go solo so a child isn't subjected to all his bullshit. Maybe she'd make a great parent! But the guy clearly wouldn't, and yes, that does make her foolish if she keeps him in the picture. No one is blaming women who were sold as brides and forced to have children, this is a grown woman presumably in a first world country making a decision to willfully bring a child into an environment with a man who will be a shitty role model and they will internalize that scenario. I cannot believe you consider yourself a feminist when you're advocating that since few men are competent adults we just have to settle and raise children with the shitty ones. Feminism does not mean every decision every woman makes is valid.

No. 253263

>>253260
fucking thank you.

No. 253265

>>253053
im not >>252964 you braindead moron.
>>252954 was the last thing i posted.

No. 253266

>>253265
literally only 2 on that list seem notably male. there is someone that keeps running around screaming that evvvvveryone is a pedopandering moid etc etc, yours definitely didn't, either.

No. 253267

>>253203
Stay pressed. I will always expect a certain standard from men. My nigel does these things because he geniunely loves to serve and was raised properly. My exes also participated in cleaning and the like even though I wasn't even into them. This stuff is the bare minimum. I would volunteer to do some of the chores he does, but the truth is he gets far more enjoyment out of it than me and we've both talked about how he likes servicing people whereas I don't share that joy. I don't expect every scrote to be the way my Nigel is, but I would always expect a bare minimum which includes a person who does not complain and does their fair share of housework and chores. It's disgusting how you excuse the behavior of moids. Men love pleasing and making their mates happy, it's legitimately one of the best feelings they can experience because it strokes their feelings of being a provider. This is why men love being around bratty, demanding women far more than is let on. This is why BPDfags and "bitches" get men, men love having to please women and feeling responsible for their happiness regardless of the reality that happiness is more often than not a choice.

No. 253268

>>253260
>Wanting to raise children in a stable, healthy environment makes anyone arguing against your inane logic bitchy and means they shouldn't have kids?
You're the unhinged dumbfuck talking about made up scenarios at this point, so yes.
Her post reads like someone weighing her options while waiting to see if her scrote gets his shit together with diagnosis and medication. She's employed and has a home. Even better that he's infertile cause she blatantly said she gets to control when they can have a child. She sounds responsible to me yet you're shocked pikachu she wants to try compassion before throwing a relationship she cares about in the trash. What a selfish person!!
What the fuck is unstable about any of that to warrant your bullshit to this degree? She didn't say he was a monster, just that he's lazy and immature which is something that could be improved if there's a discussion and he's willing to change. You're a bitch cause you're overreacting based on an imaginary scenario in your head as if anything has or is guaranteed to happen. You think you're fucking smart but you're actually coming off as underage and obnoxious.
>she has no reasons but selfish ones to not actually go solo so a child isn't subjected to all his bullshit
Nothing has happened yet, retard.
>But the guy clearly wouldn't, and yes, that does make her foolish if she keeps him in the picture.
Sorry where did she say she was keeping him in the picture no matter what happens? Oh right, that didn't happen. You're just tantruming because she isn't ending her relationship right the fuck now just cause you said so.
>No one is blaming women who were sold as brides and forced to have children
Arguments that were never brought up for 500, Alex.
>this is a grown woman presumably in a first world country making a decision to willfully bring a child into an environment with a man who will be a shitty role model and they will internalize that scenario
She hasn't done shit yet omfg.
>I cannot believe you consider yourself a feminist when you're advocating that since few men are competent adults we just have to settle and raise children with the shitty ones.
Literally didn't say this.
You have no argument.
You just want to bitch with your strawmen and fantasy games.
Nice job dragging feminism into this galaxy brained shit, bitch.

No. 253272

>>253267
>Men love pleasing and making their mates happy, it's legitimately one of the best feelings they can experience because it strokes their feelings of being a provider. This is why men love being around bratty, demanding women far more than is let on. This is why BPDfags and "bitches" get men, men love having to please women and feeling responsible for their happiness regardless of the reality that happiness is more often than not a choice.

NTA but kek at this delusion. Men like "difficult" women because they enjoy the toxic roller coaster because it keeps them excited. If men really cared about "making their mates happy" then they wouldn't be known for being incapable of being in a healthy relationship.

No. 253273

Im in a relationship with a serial cheater for 3 years and did some things i regret.
He cheated on me with atleast ten women (that i know of) of those three years that i was with him.
For the first woman i tried to find out where she lives and come and fight her, i also humiliated her on social media so she backed off.
I thought it was just her who he cheated with but last month i decided to check his phone and he had multiple dating apps on it (tinder, bumble, hinge) the majority of his messages was just him being ignored by women and never getting a reply past the ''hi'' stage but i did find some women that he went on dates and had hook-ups with. He was also cheating on me with a woman who was a part of his hobby community.
Im planning on breaking up with him this week, just dont know how to kick him out when that happens since he lives with me.

No. 253275

>>253273
Please also get tested for stds.

No. 253278

>>253273
Ok honey bee, dad is a landlord. This is what you do.
>Print a typed statement like “(pos ex bf) has a non-negotiable move out date of (date). Effective immediately after (date) is not allowed on this property. “
Make him sign it. No matter what.
If he lingers passed that day, call the police.
You will need your locks changed after that date.
DO NOT BEND FOR ANYTHING. Dont let him stay a minute longer. Be clear about the end of communication, and if there are left over bills he has permission to mail them. Not call, not text.
Shit nonna, id be there right now bagging his shit in trash bags, no lie. Fuck him. Its time to grow a spine and stick to it. Hes not messing you around a minute more

No. 253286

>>253268
Holy fuck nta but turn off your conputer unhinged-chan. Imagine getting this upset on an anonymous chinese rice hat weaver forum

No. 253288

>>253273
please tell me you didn't humiliate her on social media just for being the side girl? If she knew ya'll were dating that's one thing but don't blame the other girl for his scummy cheating ass if she had no clue about it. Fuck scrotes.

No. 253291

>>253286
Biiiiitch

No. 253294

>>253288
Based.
>>253286
Damn girl you've been infighting for days, can you tell me topic so I won't have to read, at least?

No. 253298

File: 1648850044398.jpeg (88.55 KB, 600x600, 17BA839F-CDD1-4242-B8CA-78A571…)

Bump. Don’t scroll gore spread to /g/ too

No. 253300

>>253288
Whether she knew or not I'm sure she wasn't humiliated by a rando being angry on the internet that her scrote clowned her.

No. 253302

>>253300
Damn anon that's harsh. I hope OP stops enabling men to fuck 10 women on the side while she attacks them like an obedient lapdog once he's done with them.

No. 253309

>>252538
Here’s my advice:
Tell him you want to see the texts again (don’t get too angry about it in front of him or else he’ll probably delete them), Archive the sexting texts, call the police on him and use the texts as evidence

Some anons here are either males in disguise of actually braindead. 18 year olds are bumbling retards who don’t realise the mental age difference and power dynamic between a kid that’s going to college and a kid that’s just gotten out of middle school. 18 year olds know that sexting a 14 year old is probably illegal.

No. 253311

>>253300
completely irrelevant point. Never blame the girl if she didn't know about your cheating scrote. Men ALWAYS win in those situations because they just loooove watching girls fight over them, it boosts their fragile egos.

My cheating ex bf was a complete and utter douchebag, and when I found out the insta of one of the girls he cheated on me with, I messaged her and she had no idea, we both confronted him and left his ugly ass. 3 years later, we're best friends, and I don't regret ONE SECOND of messaging her. It was 100% worth it. And the ex? Last I heard from mutuals he dated another girl with a 8-10 year age gap, and cheated on her with two other girls. Disgusting.

Once a cheater, always a cheater.

No. 253312

>>253309
They're males, the same ones who infiltrated lesbian thread to make fun of assaulted women for not being goldstars or complain about the lesbians who didn't look fuckable enough by being fully shaved, having a full face of makeup and done hair.

No. 253313

>>253309
Doubleposting

*18 year olds not are bumbling retards

No. 253314

>>253311
Samefag as last anon. You both had confidence and didn't feel the need to compete for male approval, good on you anon. I hope you always come across women like yourself. OP seemed like a very bitter person and although I don't like blaming the woman, letting your man fuck girls on the side and attacking them along with him once he makes you is so wrong on so many levels.

No. 253317

>>253314
no you're totally right, fuck any woman who does that. It's pathetic pickme behaviour we should all try our best to grow out of. But for OP's sake I hope that she was scorned because the side girl knew their relationship, in which case like all bets are off and fuck that girl too.
Imagine wasting your mental energy attacking the side girl while he's fapping to your jealousy and fucking other girls while you do so. It's a sad existence, do you really want to live that life OP? Yes you're gunna break up with him but this is literally your chance to make some amazing girlfriends who share in your bullshit.

No. 253318

Well I guess this isn't relationship advice in the traditional sense in which I complain about my significant other but more so in the familial sense.

I do not like my sister and have decided to cut ties with her. My partner accepts my decision. He knows the hell I went through growing up with her and knows how toxic and two-faced she can be. I have decided it is not worth the trouble to remain bonded to her just because we are siblings. When you grow up into adults, you drift away from your siblings anyway.

However, my family is not happy with my decision and believe "family first" and "blood is thicker than water." But how can I remain connected to someone who has hurt me so much in the past and never apologized or recognized her mistreatment? She abused me emotionally, physically and sexually, and my family DO know the things she has done to me, yet say that I should not hold a grudge and let things slide because when all those things happened, we were immature children and "kids will be kids."

My mom in particular is disheartened that I don't want to be connected to her anymore, that I just want to forget everything and move on with my life, to delete my sister from my life and all the harmful memories (and her current toxic behaviour). It would be so much easier for me to do that, but it's difficult because my family is so hellbent on trying to keep up with appearances that we're not a dysfunctional family, that we are happy and loving. BUT WE ARE NOT because I got ABUSED by her, so I just don't get why they won't let me have my way and erase her from my memory?? They keep insisting that "she's changed!!!" even though it's only been 4 months since I have made my decision to cut her out of my life. Everyone else in my family I have loving relationships with, but her? It's always been abusive.

Anyway, I am about to get married soon. And I don't want to invite her to my wedding, even if it makes me look bad in front of the eyes of my partner's family. He suggested that I invite her anyway because his family is judgemental about family bonds too (just like my family) - but I really don't want to, and I am sick and tired of keeping up with appearances. I wanted a small wedding ceremony with our loved ones but if I do that and invite her, she WILL make a scene and try to sabotage me in front of his family, maybe give a dramatic toast airing out our dysfunctional family's dirty laundry. And I think it would be unbecoming of me to try to defend myself and list out all the things she's done to me because it's personal and private and I am uncomfortable sharing the things she has done to me to other people.

The other option my fiancé suggested is to throw a BIG wedding party and have her hidden away in a corner, distracted by other guests. However, I do not like big parties, and it would just be so awful and horrible that she would influence my wedding dreams like that.

Tl;dr - I don't want to invite my sister to my wedding and my fiance's family may get the wrong idea if I do that. What should I do?
Also, it will be hard to go to family events with my family like Christmases and birthdays because no doubt she will be there. I love my family very much (just not her) and I feel conflicted on whether or not I should skip these if she's there. I don't want to make an ultimatum (either she's there or me), but I feel like I am with my stubborn decision. It makes me feel bad, but I really want to stick to my guns. I feel empowered by it, even if it caused a rift in my family.

No. 253322

>>253318
>"blood is thicker than water"
Tell them the original proverb is "The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb" ie the exact opposite meaning of what it's been bastardized into. You're doing the right thing anon. If your sister was formerly abusive and continues to stress and diminish you, she does not deserve to be in your life. I know it's hard considering you love the rest of your family, but frankly it's shitty of them to be pushing you to make nice with her when your sister is the one who harms you. That's selfish of them but frankly they need to deal with it. Also, the wedding is your special day and you shouldn't have to run the risk of it being derailed because of your sister.
>I don't want to invite her to my wedding, even if it makes me look bad in front of the eyes of my partner's family.
I have no idea why this would make you look bad to them. If someone said my soon-to-be sister-in-law didn't invite her sibling because she's a drama mongerer, I would say great and wouldn't spare another thought about it. I wouldn't even have to know the details as presumably she had good reason. And you do. I hope you stand firm and do what's necessary to lead a mostly peaceful life and enjoy the wedding.

No. 253343

>>253322
It's hard to do something everyone doesn't want you to do, but I know it's good for my own well-being, even if it stresses me out by inflicting pain on others. I think I'll proceed with my decision and hope for the best.

Problem is she is an abusive manipulator and manages to make people believe she is in the right when I know it's just her spinning the narrative to make herself look better. I've been reading Why Does He Do That? and the concepts there apply to her - even though she is a "she" and not a he, lol. Spinning the narrative in her favour, making herself the victim even though she's the perpetrator, controlling her public image, charming/persuasive to others, etc. So I just believe something bad will happen when she inevitably meets his family for the first time.

No one understands the truth because the reasons are very personal and I don't want people to know I was sexually, physically and emotionally abused - it is a very touchy subject and people are judgemental. I'm kept silent and look like I'm the evil one for cutting her off and holding a grudge. I just know that if she comes into contact with my SO's family, she will try to make me look bad and make herself look like a saint, perhaps somehow break us up by convincing his family I'm a bad fit. Maybe I am paranoid, but her past toxic behaviour leads me to believe she never wants me to be happy and will constantly try to undermine me.

I.e., When I finally got into my first relationship, she tried to slut-shame me in front of him, air out dirty laundry by badmouthing me (basically said to him I was a stinky autistic NEET for several years), and even tried seducing him, all the while feigning innocence. She is two-faced, manipulative and enjoys it when I fail at life. So when I finally got into a relationship, she viewed it as a "win" for me and attempted to sabotage it because I was happy for once. I do not know why she does this, but my theory is because she is just naturally a very competitive person and has targeted me due to sibling rivalry and insecurity in her own (at the time) crumbling relationship.

>I have no idea why this would make you look bad to them.

My SO's family are really into family bonds and encouraging/supporting one another - I feel obligated to invite her but at least I can make her a non-bridesmaid and just be a normal ordinary guest. They are very WASP-y/Old-money-ish and maintaining public appearances are big for them. When his chatty aunt tried to tell me family drama/gossip, they go quiet and looked visibly annoyed. They like to sweep dysfunctional familial conflicts under the rug and turn the other cheek and keep their opinions to themselves. Hopefully my sister will look bad in their eyes for badmouthing a bride on her own wedding day lol.

Thanks for the advice, nona, but I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place here and have no choice but to invite her. Or perhaps I can lie and say that she was unable to make it to the wedding due to an illness or work-related reason…

No. 253356

File: 1648871669263.jpg (34.89 KB, 500x430, 81a0f2996579a900112004a7b3e550…)

So there's this guy that comes by to my work from time to time to check up on the draft beer dispensers and he's interested in me. He's a nice Mexican guy I think in his mid or late 20s, pretty average on looks. We had small talks together everytime he visits and shared our numbers today. Probably the biggest mistake for me because he's obviously flirting at me while texting and I don't know if I should keep this up. I'm just being nice and oblivious about the whole thing.

But for someone who's a fat insecure introvert otaku loser girl in her early 20s with social anxiety and still living with her family, I'm afraid of getting into a relationship with a real boyfriend even though I do fantasize of having one (mostly 2D/fictional guys). I had rejections in the past and the thought of passing this one might left me feel hopeless and missed out especially for having someone coming up to me is a rare thing. I don't have the courage for this and I guess I'm fine living and dying without a real boyfriend. Pretty pathetic I know but what should I do? Should I friend zone him? I don't think we have much of a chemistry together or have similar interests. Still feel pretty uncomfortable about this whole thing. Shy nonnies with boyfriends, what do you think?

Tl;dr
Scared of having a bf.

No. 253360

File: 1648873520085.png (721.35 KB, 676x450, chernobyl puppies.PNG)

Okay fuck it I'm asking him out ban me if I don't update within an hour

No. 253361

>>253343
That is a tough position to be in, I'm sorry you're having to deal with so much drama surrounding what should be a happy day. Ultimately you have to do what you're most comfortable with, but I think it's messed up to feel like you're essentially being forced to endure the presence of someone who has hurt you so much. Is the wedding day for them or you and your fiance? Is it worse to endure a bit of grumbling from your families or have your sister actually be present and perhaps do so much more damage? Personally I would think the former might be annoying but less painful overall. You don't owe it to anyone to explain your reasons in detail when they are so personal, it's not their business. They may be your family but you're still allowed to have topics you keep to yourself, and it's on them to be mature enough to realize you are doing what's best for you. They may never come around unfortunately, but at least you can still maintain boundaries to protect yourself. I also think it's kind of lousy of your fiance to ask that you allow your sister to come. Not saying he's a bad person, but of all people he should be the one to be on your side and to defend you to his family/shut down any gossip rather than trying to accomodate their snotty attitudes. If you've ever heard of the grey rock technique I would try to incorporate that as much as possible. Instead of feeling you have to tiptoe around sensitive things while giving explanations to people, don't provide them with any emotional energy. Make the topic as boring as possible. Be a closed book. Give short, curt answers and maintain a neutral expression. People may think you're being callous, but they will at least eventually realize they're not going to change your mind instead of continuing to pick at the topic.
>I can't believe you're not inviting your sister! Think of keeping together the family.
>I've already made my decision.
>Wow you're not even inviting your sister? That's not very empathetic of you.
>Okay.
>What kind of person are you that you wouldn't even have your sister present at your wedding?
>Don't know.
Starve them of a response and either remain silent until they get uncomfortable or keep changing the topic. They can try to be as nosy as they please, but you don't have to give them anything. You are clearly a strong person nona and while you can't change other people's opinions of you, you can still maintain your individual sense of peace.

No. 253365

>>253360
He said yes and now I have to wake up at eight a.m. god bless

No. 253404

This is another one about a non-romantic relationship, hope that's cool.
I'm moving out because my roommate is a literal psycho; moving in with her was a mistake because she essentially love-bombed me into thinking we'd be super close, bought me gifts for no reason etc., then she started attaching herself to me, not giving me any of my own space, telling my other friends that "anon and I come as a pair!!", sucking up to everyone I was close to and trying to worm her way into every sphere of my life. Then she started treating me quite nastily, making fun of me in front of other people and acting quite two-faced, but when confronted she'd claim that she shouldn't apologise because she "doesn't know what [she's] done wrong and might do it again". However when I'd finally had enough and dared to start treating her the same way for a second she stormed out of a party and then screamed at me, then tried to isolate me from MY friends at that same party, and started telling other people that I'm apparently "abusive". She has had irreparable fallouts with at least 9 other people she was close to so I'm pretty confident that she is the problem, and she has only been nice to me in the past few months when she thought she might need £400 from me to pay a bill.
She was initially planning to move out after we had that bust-up and was messaging our landlord about how she'd be gone by March (not a word to me, just allowed me to see it in the whatsapp chat), so I panicked and found someone who would be able to take over the lease, but then she never handed her notice in and when I asked her about it got super defensive and weird. Anyway it's been 3 months of frosty interaction so I decided I'll just leave as I can't tolerate how anxious living with her has made me. I gave my notice to the landlord (I only need to give 30 days) and told her too in the nicest way possible, made it clear that I would still pay my half of the bills until my notice period ended etc. She responded by snappily asking if I'd told the landlord, and then when she came home I could hear her on the phone LOUDLY shit-talking me to her boyfriend and talking about how happy she is that I'm going. On purpose probably so I would feel uncomfortable.
I feel so angry and I'm holding back tears because it's just all so appallingly childish. I don't know how I'm going to cope whilst I'm here packing my boxes etc. I'm toying with the idea of taking the wifi with me as it's registered under my name and with my billing details attached but I'm not sure if that's too extreme.
Anyway any coping skills and advice would be appreciated. Feeling very low, girls.

No. 253414

>>253387
how does she sound awesome? her sister sounds like an absolute bitch AND she sexually and emotionally abused op when they were younger. Her sister seems insecure asf

No. 253416

>>253411
you make a good point. any advice on coping with her nasty behavior in the interim?

No. 253417

>>253416
Try to spend time with friends and family. Thats it really, you can try and act civil towards her but she seems like the type to just react childishly back to you. Ignore her, keep to yourself in your room, or go stay with others. Theres no point fighting back with her.

No. 253439

>>253365
Good luck! Update us on how it went!

No. 253445

>>253311
some of you are jumping to conclusions too quickly, she knew we were in a relationship and we knew each other before i even started dating him.
>>253302
moron i didnt know he was cheating on me with 10 women until recently and now im breaking up with him. Some of you sound like angry side-bitches .

No. 253451

>>253445
You sound miserable, makes sense for someone that got cheated on kek
Its your boyfriend who needs loyalty not other women. Women like you make me laugh. Youll blame all the woman for fucking him when he asked for it kek

No. 253452

>>253445
youre his main girl and he treated u like a side piece. How is that better

No. 253453

>>253445
You're just retarded and don't realize that lashing out at the side chick when a scrote ultimately caused your misery doesn't do anything besides make you look desperate and unable to handle your own feelings of humiliation.
I'm sure your ex was a typical con saying whatever in order to get laid, his lies seemed to work on you for at least 10 different times after all.

No. 253454

>>253273
Your man really won. He has a dumbass like you to fight women for his ego. The only humiliation is you getting cheated on lol you really broadcasted your L’s kek

No. 253456

>>253453
You cant help retarded women who fight other women when their scrote cheats. Their self esteem is on the ground

No. 253460

>>253445
idc about this situation but these men that cheat w women in their "hobby communities" always tend to be fat and hideous, kek. i just get the feeling with this guy

No. 253461

Ngl if i'd see a "main girl" humiliating a "side piece" I'd feel more embarrassed for the main girl kek

No. 253464

>>253456
There was a FtM girl I knew distantly within my friend circle who recently went on a crusade against her husband's 15th side chick. The side bitch was remarkably better looking and more accomplished. So it made the tranny look like a jealous clown.
The husband told people they were open/poly and would bemoan to everyone how he didn't like but still supported that his wife was now a "husband" just to get pity sex. Apparently the open relationship thing was true as they had a confirmed third woman, but I guess the reason why his 15th time of cheating outside of that was so bad is because the tranny didn't pre-approve or something. She probably only wanted to make sure he was porking other hiddy genderspecials that she would like too.

No. 253465

>>253445
Obviously the other woman is wrong, but going after her first just makes you look dumb. Take this as a learning opportunity anon.

No. 253466

>>253462
Babe he got away with cheating 10 times before you found out. He lied to you 10 times and it doesn't matter that you didn't know til later cause that's the point of lying!

No. 253467

>>253461
i kinda ruined her life for a short period, no one liked her in our friend group so everyone used the cheating excuse to finally gang up on her and bully her, she was left friendless and alone.

No. 253468

>>253467
how old are you? how old is your braindead ex/current bf?

No. 253469

>>253467
>people secretly didn't like her so they used your situation as the last straw rather than being honest
Liars deserve each other lmao.
You did her a huge favor.

No. 253470

>>253467
i imagine it still made you look kinda desperate and pathetic "humiliating" her publicly and i assume admitting that your boyfriend cheated on you with her? i wouldn't be confident enough to admit something like that publicly kek

No. 253471

>>253468
he is 6 years older, we started dating when i was in my teens.
>>253469
did i? its been three years and she is still a loner regularly suici-baiting on her profiles.

No. 253473

>>253470
She got rid of the side chick's fake friends and is still trying to convince herself she was the big bad bully doing the humiliating lol.

No. 253475

>>253471
he's six years older than you… you started dating in your teens. how old are you now? this is such a fucking disaster. why are you bragging that she's suicide baiting? that's just sad, it's sad all around. go make your STD checkup appointment for christ's sake.

No. 253478

>>253475
OP's knee-deep in the mental illness.
On what planet would driving one particular chick to suicide be considered justice served for the fact that your man cheated on you with at least nine others?
Are we supposed to be impressed that the friends didn't like her behind her back? They probably talk mad shit about her too and love the drama omg.

No. 253485

>>253471
>enabling a pedo scrote and acting like his lapdog to attack any woman he dipped his dick into
Kek.

No. 253493

>>253361
Thanks for the objective advice, nonny. I really do want to cut ties off with her for good so it makes no sense to invite her to the wedding. People can have their own theories and gossip about it - I will try to ignore it and endure whatever wild story they come up with. I will most likely come back here to vent about my situation when we inevitably hand out wedding invites.

I do try to win the approval of his family because - although he isn't very close to them - it's nice to have a close-knit family on both sides. I know for one that my family absolutely adores him, I just wish I could have the same from his side but they have high standards for everything and it's hard to match that in reality. I'm not exactly what they hoped for in his life partner - they wanted him to go with his childhood friend who studies in the same field as him. His mom tried to make me meet this childhood friend for some reason and I felt uncomfortable with it - I'm glad that never happened. Anyway, I constantly feel like an outsider whenever I'm with them and it's very awkward interacting with his family because we have different life experiences (plus they are better at socializing than I am).

>I also think it's kind of lousy of your fiance to ask that you allow your sister to come.

It is pretty lousy, yeah. He was raised in a family that brushes conflict and drama under the rug and pretends they are a happy family that enjoy each other's company. They're also very polite and prefer manners and civilities over petty arguments and they believe in love and forgiveness… even if behaviour and habits are hard to kill once you are over the age of 25. My 27 year old sister won't change, I don't care how much my family tries to convince me, she has serious issues she needs to work through to get rid of her toxic personality. Shaming someone and publicly humiliating them just to make yourself feel better is one of the most toxic abhorrable traits someone can ever possess, especially if they do it in front of people you love and want to win the affections of.

I really wish I could have had a loving sister relationship. I feel like I missed out on a loving sisterhood and am jealous of those who grew up with a strong sisterly bond.

>>253404
Whatever you are feeling now will be over once you move out! Keep that goal in sight and try to leave her petty childish social games behind you. To me, it sounds like she was the abusive one and she definitely flipped a switch once she drew you in as her roommate. Sounds like some form of personality disorder to me? I wouldn't personally take the internet (I'd feel guilty after - but if it makes you feel better in that you're taking vengeance and it empowers you, then go ahead!)

At the very least, you should cut off the wi-fi service and stop paying for it for her once you're gone.

No. 253520

I think I'm hitting it off pretty well with this guy. We ended up exchanging numbers within a short time of talking. We increasingly seem to have a lot in common, but the big thing is he goes by he/they… I feel like this is the thing that's gonna turn him off lmao. When he finds out I'm not a libfem. ngl I was once there, but slowly had my realizations. Also he mentioned how he normally talks very long with his friend who has a woman's name. Turns out, this friend of his is a troon. I got TIM and TIF friends too, but this is a man I'm describing. Fingers crossed or maybe I can just enjoy it until it lasts.

No. 253556

>>253471
Girl I know that 'revenge' probably feels good for you right now because you're hurting from the betrayal from both your 'friend' and your scrote ex, but I can tell you from personal experience when you look back at that behavior you're going to feel extremely embarrassed. Even if you think you 'won' by making her feel bad w.e, you're surrounding yourself with that vengeance and hate and holding on to so much negative energy that it'll seep into a bunch of areas in your life you won't even realize it. You'll start having trust issues with all women thinking they're like her, possibly even becoming one of those "I hate all girls, they are just drama whores" girls because you can't even grow past that hate. Even if you don't realize it right now, it WILL happen if you keep being angry. Learn to accept that there are shitty people out there and you were just one of the many unlucky ones to run into. Count your blessings you found out NOW (even if it was a few years) instead of like yeeeears down the road if you were possibly married with kids.

You should really try your best to focus on yourself. The BEST revenge is living your best life. It's hard, I know, because you're in a shitty point in your life. But just take baby steps, don't focus on revenge or hate or obsess over what if details or how to make her life worse. Trust me, girls like this either learn from this one time awful mistake, or they dig themselves deeper and have total crap lives.

And also, for the love of GOD don't date guys with a big age gap. It is always a huge red flag.

No. 253686

Uhhhm here goes nothing…
I’m a white girl who’s been dating my brown bf for a year. He treats me like a princess, is there for me through everything, and has made it clear that he wants to marry me. I actually waited a while before figuring out myself and telling him I agreed. We’re still so young, though, I wouldn’t even want to get married for at least another 5 years.

My mom has known him for quite a long time, and keeps asking me if I’ve met his parents yet. Well, I haven’t, and he finally told me why (which I guess is traditional culture related) last month. I’m pretty sure he’ll introduce me right around the time we’ll actually get married, but my mom is getting antsy and will start to like him less and less as time goes on and I haven’t met his parents, which should be a long while.

I guess, I’m posting here so nonnies who are more familiar with the culture can tell me more about what to expect. Just how freaking pissed are his parents going to be about him bringing home a white girl? I don’t care about “wasting my time” with no marriage in sight personally, but I might like to meet his parents earlier than planned not only to appease my mom, but to see how they react (and he reacts to how they react) and determine what exactly I can plan on.

No. 253688

>>253686
He won't marry you, imo. White girls are very well received and most brown men would introduce them to their whole friend and family circle early on because it's like a status symbol almost. Though there are the second type that only sleep with the white women which obviously wouldn't introduce them to family but still lie about-face marriage because they're used to doing so with brown girls. Is he Muslim or has parents that are of a different religion? If so that might be the reason.

No. 253690

>>253688
Yeah, he’s atheist like me but his parents are Muslim. Not sure if his parents know he’s atheist

No. 253691

>>253690
Yeah white girls are treated really well by Muslim families, even better than Muslim girls themselves, even if they're Christian and stuff so him not introducing you isn't because he's afraid of his family's reaction. To be honest I'd be worried if a man was bringing up marriage very early on while not introducing me to his family, it's a well known tactic for Muslim men because women won't sleep with them unless they trick them into it.

Your mother has met him, have you met his close friends or any family members like his brother or such? How did they act around you?

Again, I've known white girls get treated like princesses by families if the man introduces her as such but I've also heard of white girls getting hurt very badly and domestically abused because they don't quite know how brown man can be and how to stand up to them. Make sure to set boundaries and don't let him push through them, always keep your head high and don't do stuff that'll lower you in his eyes.

No. 253695

>>253691
Wow, that’s crazy if true! I browse r/interracialrelationships (sorry for cringe) every once in a blue moon to read about couples’ experiences meeting parents of different cultures, and 90% of them are absolute shitshows. I guess that’s why I expected it would be like that (alongside what he told me.)

How do I go about figuring if what you told me is true, any advice? We have a best friend dynamic to our relationship, so if what you told me is indeed true, I almost wonder if it would be possible to cut out love and sex entirely and keep hanging out like that. But if he leaves, I never let myself get too emotionally invested in a relationship, so that’ll be fine. That bit about the domestic abuse is so sad and a good point to bring up, too.

No. 253696

>>253691
Oh and samefag, I haven’t met any of his family and he even hesitates to let me know their names and pictures! I definitely always thought that odd but didn’t care too much.

No. 253697

>>253686
Erm well my experience was totally different than the other anon, my ex held off introducing me for a long while because he knew his mother would react negatively and she sure did. She believed all white women were whores with a 50+ body count and marrying me was akin to being seduced by the devil himself. The irony was I was a virgin at the time and yet her precious son had slept with multiple women, of course she didn’t know or care about the facts. She eventually worked past it but I know a lot of white girls aren’t so lucky and you may be forever seen as the evil sinful harlot.

No. 253703

>>253697
It’s not that I don’t believe the other anon, but your experience sounds a lot more like the other ones I’ve read about. All perspectives are helpful to me, though.
I guess another piece of context I forgot to add is that his family have all traditionally taken part in arranged marriages, and they were hoping he would take part in one too, but he’s made it clear to them that he will choose who he marries. Not sure if that makes a difference

No. 253708

>>253703
I'm the other anon and as I've written before, I also saw the dynamic you experienced unfortunately. Brown men either fetishize white women and think they're a trophy or see them as easy, which is very toxic either way but the first is less harmful for the woman and seems to be the case because OPs bf treats her nicely and spoils her.

No. 253711

File: 1649005812557.gif (1.7 MB, 221x275, 1648871607994.gif)

Hewwo

No. 253714

>>253686
Hi anon. my sister was dating a brown Muslim guy and he lead her on saying that they'll get married, have kids,s he can be a housewife (yeah, that's her dream to be a housewife, so the idea was very enthralling for her). Except these were empty promises. All he did was lead her on, never showed her off to his family and it took them YEARS to say they were in a relationship to his friends. Very red flaggy.
He then sexually assaulted her, raped her, and had sex in secret with her. Dude was a loser who lived with his parents so he'd come to our house to do sexual things and when my mom found out, they had to go to motels and hotels and stuff. She was a huge mess in this relationship and wasn't happy because it didn't seem real or serious if he kept her hidden away from his family.
She also threw up once because she was extremely drunk and he didn't do anything about it, forced her to give him a BJ while her mouth was still warm and then later made her clean it up.
Anyway, that dude was a loser who grew up on degenerate discord. Also his family hates the LGBTQ+ community and they bonded over being anti-trans.
She basically just likes brown Muslim guys because they are sort of macho (she wants to be a housewife) and they are anti-trans and anti-gay (she is a trad-type).
So please be cautious anon. I know he's not representative of all brown Muslim guys, but that was her experience and she got traumatized by him. He was a manipulative loser who knew how to pull her strings to string her along. My sister is pretty messed up anyway and loved larping as an "abusive housewife" to her brown bf.

No. 253717

I have a boyfriend. And I love him, and hes sweet. But one of my coworkers kissed me, and even though I rejected him cos I have a boyfriend, I keep thinking about it and how I honestly liked it. Im so confused as to why I'd be feeling like this. I feel like a horrible person, I'm just not really attracted to him anymore. We barely ever have sex and when we do its shit and often not to completion for either of us cos we just end up not feeling it. I don't really know what steps to take now but I feel like feeling attracted to other people more than my partner is a bad sign.

No. 253718

>>253439
It went great! We went to the library and the park, I confessed my feelings and he replied he felt the same way!!! I was over the moon. Unfortunately he had to leave the same day to go back to his college but we talked a lot and he's so considerate and sweet. And I know we've had a lot of bitchy sister posts lately so I'll keep it short but my sister has been trying really hard to ruin everything between us and make me look like an idiot to him so I'm just glad it turned out this way.

No. 253719

>>253717
Can you pinpoint what it is about the sex that's bad?

No. 253721

>>253686
It would help if you were a bit more specific about what culture exactly. Brown is a very wide category and different countries and regions vary widely on how conservative they are. Also are his parents immigrants or not etc

No. 253722

>>253719
Its uncomfortable as fuck. When hes on top, he always leans to the side and puts loads of pressure on my hips, which isnt ideal since I have achy hips frequently. When Im on top, he sits at an awkward angle, where hes not fully lying down or sitting up either. Everytime I bring up this discomfort he doesnt really say or do anything about it, he kind of brushes it off or gets awkward and embarrassed about it. He has absolutely no opinions on sex whatsoever and I dont like constantly having to decide what we're gonna do. And everytime I try to speak to him about sex he basically says nothing. Its like he has no thoughts on it at all. If we actually do manage to have sex, its boring and uncomfortable

No. 253741

>>253721
Yeah, I’m OP and I know “brown” is pretty vague. He’s Arab and his parents speak Arabic. I noticed he also considers himself “Asian” and what he tells me about his family aligns a lot with Pakistani culture, but I’ve asked him if he’s at all Paki and he said no.

No. 253743

>>253741
And samefag again cuz I’m a mess apparently, I don’t know for sure about his parents being immigrants, but if they aren’t, I’m almost positive his grandparents were. His parents apparently speak with a pretty heavy accent and there’s lots of anecdotes about them in other far parts of the world

No. 253744

>>253714
I'm Muslim and if your sister's really going to keep dating them, make sure she doesn't sleep with them and gets her hymen sewn if she married them so they'll believe she's a virgin. Muslim men only marry virgin girls and have relationships with women who act very cold and superior to them the best, that's the kind of girl he'd introduce to his family, not some girl that'll let him fuck her, aka any guy in his mind.
>>253743
Anon this might be personal but did you sleep with him? Did you do stuff he wanted that'd lead onto him seeing you as an easy woman? Also what's your ethnicity? Arab men would usually die to marry a slav or any other woman who has blonde hair, light skin and blue eyes alas they view her as high maintaince, as weird as it sounds they use and throw away nice girls and marry the ones who fuck them over the most.

No. 253745

>>253703
That sounds about right. My ex also came from a family that had pushed him to get into an arranged marriage to improve their business prospects because the girl came from a well-off family. His family wasn’t even Muslim but they maintained the same white = promiscuous attitude (they were Hindu). I never got that attitude from him but it was definitely something his family struggled with. Unfortunately he ended up being a bad partner for other reasons. You say you don’t care about wasting time without marriage, and that’s fine since you’re young, but I would mentally prepare an expiration date for the relationship (if he hasn’t introduced you/proposed before then) if you do care about marriage/children because I know a lot of brown guys will waste white women’s time with promises while knowing they’ll eventually cave to their parent’s wishes. Time spent with him could instead by directed towards your own goals or other potential partners who do actually see a future with you.

No. 253746

>>253745
Arranged marriages aren't common but men sleeping with women then marrying virgins or women from their own culture is. It probably wasn't an arranged marriage, it's just an excuse because most men like that have actual serious girlfriends and cheat on them with foreign women they keep in secret because the original gf won't have sex or even hold hands with him until marriage.

No. 253749

>>253718
That's awesome! I'm so happy it went well for you. Library and park sounds like a really comfy date. Funny how you were afraid that you guys wouldn't have chemistry, but look at how well the date turned out for you! I'm sorry your sister has been trying to mess things up.
It sounds like you're really into the guy, but just remember to be careful. If you don't have a lot of experience with relationships, there might be some red flags you could miss if you're overzealous and I just want you to be safe. I don't mean to sound like a doomer and I'm sure he's really nice, but I also don't want you to get taken advantage of if you're inexperienced/have social anxiety.

No. 253750

>>253746
>It probably wasn't an arranged marriage, it's just an excuse
Are you talking about my situation? My ex never married the girl his family wanted him to be with, we got married and stayed together for over 5 years. My point is just that a lot of brown guys will not do that, and if op cares about getting married and having kids eventually, she should figure out a time she'll move on if he hasn't gotten more serious by then. And you're right, they often prioritize their family's wishes so you have to be careful about how involved they are with them. My ex was basically already a black sheep by the time we met so it wasn't out of character for him to do his own thing despite their input.

No. 253751

>>253750
You're lucky he was a good person. I've seen men trick both women by doing what I described and it's disgusting but both are seen to be deserving it by the families and everyone else, the gf deserves being cheated on because she doesn't sleep with him and the other girl deserves being a temporary replacement because she slept with him. It's a toxic view.

No. 253752

>>253751
I agree, I could have been put through a lot worse and heard about it secondhand from some of his younger relatives.
>the gf deserves being cheated on because she doesn't sleep with him and the other girl deserves being a temporary replacement because she slept with him
They really is no winning for women. Whether you're a chaste innocent or try to satisfy all his sexual fantasies. Typical madonna/whore complex.

No. 253753

>>253752
Yeah and that's why I'm very cynical about women's brown bfs because I've seen the worst happen to women by the same men myself. I'm sorry if I came off rude at first, this topic gets me mad because of the shit some men pull.

No. 253755

>>253722
I really hate how so many women do the whole
>Omg I'm so horrible and shallow and slutty because sex and intimacy are important to me and I don't want to feel miserable every time my partner touches me. My bf is nice so clearly I should just suck it up and I'm just as bad as a scrote if I want to feel pleasure during sex
Just. No nona. The entire difference between a friendship and a romantic relationship (for the vast majority of people) is physical attraction and wanting to fuck your partner. If your bf is shit at sex, doesn't care about getting better at it and making adjustments for you, then no matter how great he is otherwise he's failing at a major component of being in a relationship. It's also selfish and inconsiderate of him to just zone out when you ask him to make changes because bloobloo baby isn't a sexual god just doing whatever he pleases. I'm so tired of men's low self esteem causing havoc in what could otherwise be pleasant relationships. If he can't suck it up and improve then you should absolutely move on to someone who will listen and prioritize you during sex. You care about him, I get it, but he's not showing you care in return and that's unacceptable.

No. 253756

>>253753
No worries anon, I know where you were coming from. Even with my more positive experience I'm on your side and feel it's a very risky proposition for most women

No. 253758

>>253745
I’m OP and cherish your advice, as well as everyone who has taken the time to respond to me. I will probably go about this by doing what you said, mentally preparing an expiration date!
It’s an odd situation to be in, because I kinda care to know, but only so that I know what to plan my career goals (ie what cities to move to, which affects jobs I can take up) around. I’m independent and don’t see marriage as a must, but also wouldn’t be opposed to it with a supportive partner as he has been so far.

No. 253765

>>253755
I guess I just feel guilty. Even if hes failing me sexually, feeling aroused by another man kissing me is shitty. I havent even told him, cos Idek how I feel about it let alone finding out how he'd feel. He'd get very upset, even if I rejected the guy. A couple years ago, a male friend of mine drugged me and he was really upset about the cheating. He still brings it up since he never got closure and found out what happened. I dont wanna feel that kind of guilt again

No. 253771

>>253765
Please tell me I'm reading this wrong: YOU got DRUGGED and he's guilt tripping you over it, calling it cheating?

No. 253773

>>253771
This was a few years ago tbf but he still brings it up occasionally and I am holding a grudge about the fact that my close friend sexually assaulted me and somehow he was the victim. But I can't really justify being mad about something that happened that long ago so I just put it at the back of my mind

No. 253774

>>253686
he's never going to marry you, ever. white anglotards and white western europeans really have zero clue about how muslims work, and parents are too retarded as a result to teach their white daughters to not date brown men. he will literally never marry you, he's going to string you along for years until he's finally forced to settle down with a muslim woman. even if he's "atheist" (he's really not though), you will still have to convert to islam if you want any chance of it.

No. 253775

>>253773
Nona you need a better boyfriend. You're the one who got sexually assaulted, he's not the victim here, you are, and you're allowed to realize and decide that him victimizing himself and accusing you of cheating is disgustingly wrong. You're allowed to stand up for yourself today and be mad about it even if it happened years ago. You deserve so much better than being with a man who accuses you of cheating after you went through a sexual assault. That's a huge second blow on top of what your friend already did to you. I'm sorry about what happened to you and I really hope you realize you deserve to be treated so much better than how he's treating you.

No. 253776

>>253765
Don't tell your bf you kissed a guy, he could get violent and since your relationship is already dysfunctional and you're most likely going to end it, the risk of him chimping out and hurting you isn't worth honesty.

No. 253777

>>253776
He's hit me twice before but when I brought it up he claimed he didn't remember. They weren't hard whacks and it seemed like he was just smacking out at whatever was closest. Still shook me up a bit. This was when we were living somewhere else and he hated his job. Is there a statute of limitation on this kind of thing? It seems too late now. Maybe I should just wait for something shitty to happen and leave him or kill myself

No. 253779

File: 1649018980897.jpg (74.96 KB, 500x627, 1640267959390.jpg)

Nonas, give it to me straight. I'm not delusional for wanting to drop this guy right?

>we meet at a wine tasting, seems nice at first, quiet and nerdy

>works a lot but wants to see me at least twice a week, we start spending weekends together
>he goes on a weekend trip to see his family, comes back and says he missed me, starts calling me often in the evenings
>weeks later he goes on a trip for a concert and then a business trip abroad, sees me one day in between but leaves the next morning to work on a presentation, calls only once to have me listen to the presentation and give him feedback
>i thought he would stay for the whole weekend
>we keep in touch and chat the whole time, when he comes back he says it'd be nice to see me but wants to self-quarantine just in case
>i casually mention my graduation, he asks me what i would like as a present
>i say it doesn't matter as long as it comes from the heart, mention baking a cake
>he says he's really bad at gifts, instead starts talking about a university pub crawl event
>says he'd like to go, asks me if i want to join (he's been out of university for two years, works full time)
>the previous day, the day of the actual graduation, he says he has afterwork drinks but he supposes he should leave at some point to 'spend time with the graduate'
>not wants to, should
>said he's a homebody at the beginning of our relationship yet seems to always have something planned
>unless it's with me - then he actually prefers staying at home and is suddenly really bad at deciding on what to do with me outside

Am I being unreasonable? He's very frugal with displays of affection and puts everything first before me. We haven't been together for too long.

No. 253780

>>253777
I'm guessing you already know what you need to do, which is leave him and get the fuck out of there. Just a matter of whether you do it or not.

No. 253781

>>253780
Its not that easy. I have autism so I dont handle change all that well. Last time I tried to break up with him he had nowhere to go and neither did I and then I got covid so I was stuck in the flat with him 24/7. I ended up having a meltdown and because he comforted me I softened up and agreed to stay with him. This was only like 2 weeks ago. I cant just randomly keep trying to leave him only to give in because he's always around me. I need somewhere to go but all my friends live with their parents. I cant stay with my mum cos me and her boyfriend had a huge fight and wont talk to eachother anymore. I make only £1045 a month I cant afford much in terms of living alone. I am trapped. I hate my life and I am slowly growing resentful of this man even when he does nothing wrong. I can't eat anymore, im losing it I swear

No. 253786

>>253779
You're not unreasonable. Sounds like he's saying he's a homebody so he has an excuse to not want to be seen with you. A true homebody is not selective of the context. He also seems super low effort with the gifts, I mean, a cake is really not that difficult, worst case scenario he can fire up ole' Betty Crocker and make a nice icing at least, but he just uses his "difficulty with gifts" as an excuse.

No. 253787

>>253777
nona I had to take a double take when I read what you posted, thinking I wrote that when I was drunk or something. My ex did the EXACT SAME THING. The only thing that saved me was literally my mom pulling me away from the relationship and forcing him to leave my apartment and breaking up. Kind of embarrassing that I needed my mom to do this since I was in my mid 20's at the time but when you're getting abused and in denial about it sometimes you need that.

Please find someone to support you and leave him. He will always claim he doesn't remember OR that 'it wasn't as bad as that' or 'I barely hit you'. It's all bullshit to minimize the actual abuse. It will progressively get worse, physical and emotional.

No. 253790

>>253787
Hes been great since my breakup attempt a few weeks ago though. I dont have a reason to leave him right now. I just don't like him. And I feel terrible. I'm being very distant because I just dont know what to do. Part of me hopes he just lashes out again just so I have a reason. I need a reason. Or else I'm a cruel bitch for just breaking up with him. But I felt something when that man kissed me and these days I feel nothing towards my boyfriend. I'm completely numb. I feel trapped in this relationship by circumstance. Im off work for 2 weeks too. I'm stuck with him. I feel so mean for feeling this way

No. 253792

>>253790
he's obviously going to be on his best behavior for at least a few months after a breakup attempt. That's what they all do.

What you're feeling is NORMAL. You aren't a cold heartless bitch. Sometimes we grow up and grow apart and realize we aren't the same person when we started the relationship regardless of what's happened in the relationship. You're comparing yourself to who you were when it started vs who you are now and you KNOW you're different now.

No. 253793

>>253792
I have nowhere to go and neither does he. If I leave him, god knows how long we're gonna be stuck together in a one bedroom flat. The flats in my name so I'm not leaving unless everything is switched to him properly. I dont want to be paying for a place I dont live at. Part of me is just waiting til september when the contract on the flat ends. But I dont want to wait. Im unhappy. I keep thinking it can be fixed, but I dont think thats possible.

No. 253794

>>253793
You do. There's a lot of women's only shelters you can go to for emergency housing. I personally have had to go to one for a few days, they also have a lot of resources to help you outside of a place to stay. Let your landlord know the situation, they are usually very reasonable even if you're breaking a contract, and if they don't completely waive the contract fee, they usually make it extremely cheap to break it for your benefit.

Don't ever ever EVER give a scrote a second chance the moment it becomes physical. It always gets worse with time. It's a cycle, he'll be on good behavior for a few months then repeat it once you do something 'wrong'.

No. 253800

>>253794
I'm not in danger tho. He hasnt hit me in like a year. Im just being distant and hes calling me mean. He's asking me whats wrong cos he wants reassurance that I'm not gonna try break up again, not cos he gives a shit. Or I'm being paranoid and looking too deep in to things. I just feel insane and cruel and wrong I feel wrong. Hes inconsistent. But right now I'm being inconsistent cos I dont have the energy to be sweet and perky. I just want to be alone

No. 253801

>>253800
ah okay. Well just know that it's okay to out grow relationships. A lot of times, people don't wanna break up not because they still love each other, but because they don't wanna break the 'habit' of each other's patterns, and all the effort it takes to break up (friends, family, moving your stuff, etc etc). Just imagine how happy you'll feel being away and alone to your thoughts, and let that guide you tbh.

No. 253802

>>253800
>He hasnt hit me in like a year
As soon as he laid his hands on you that was the cue to leave. I understand you think it's okay because he's been "good" lately but like >>253791 said, once a man hits you it's over. There's no forgiving his actions. Who cares if he's calling you mean he literally abused you.
If you're not in immediate danger you should come up with the means to move out asap without him knowing about your plans. If you tell him you want to break things off or move out who knows what he'll do, he might get violent again. For your safety don't tell him your plans.

No. 253806

>>253741
I'm a "brown" woman (north african arab), lived in different middle eastern countries and amongst diaspora arabs pakistanis indians etc and all the anons telling you to be wary are right but this close minded idea of all brown men bad he thinks you're a western whore is stupid and frankly quite racist. Sure, arab culture is pretty misogynistic and fucked but there are decent arab men out there. You know him better than any of us and it's pretty easy to suss out a shitty white girl fetish arab man. In terms of the parents, different arabs react different but worst case scenario his parents will try and get him to dump you and maybe even try to cut him off for dating a white girl/having a relationship out of marriage. That's worse case scenario though. A lot of arabs will kick up a bit of a fuss if a guy brings a white girl home but will ultimately be okay with it because he's a man and if he marries a foreigner it's okay whereas the rules are different for arab women. My advice is, if you really care about your relationship with this moid that much, try to learn a bit about his specific culture and try and be respectful and a bit knowledgeable and open when you meet his parents- dress modestly etc. Try to have thick skin about the whole situation- even if it goes well, they will probably see you as a stupid outsider white girl in the beginning, be prepared to be uncomfortable and to work hard to earn respect. I wish you luck anon and I hope all goes well for you.

No. 253814

File: 1649032068594.png (111.71 KB, 265x261, tumblr_7d6dca2fafeef73df604444…)

I don't know if I actually need advice because I already know how fucked up this is. I have no girl friends or family so I guess I just want to vent. I know I sound crazy, sorry. Years of childhood sexual and emotional abuse will do that to you.

>have non-epileptic seizure disorder, aggravated by work stress

>they make me non-verbal and basically locked in my body even though I'm conscious
>have 3 in a row this morning before work due to the stress I've been under of working a lot at a job I dislike
>bf not supportive but instead keeps reminding me that I've got to go to work, starts getting annoyed with me while I'm having a seizure
>finally manage to ask that he brings me my medicine to stop the seizures
>tosses them at me and leaves the room, can't even open the bottle by myself
>comes back in and says "so you're gonna do this then?"
>start crying and get triggered because he reminds me so much of my abusive father
>manage to get up and yell that I'm not gonna let him guilt trip me and treat me like shit
>says to me "so much for the non-verbal bullshit, huh?"

Now he's convinced I faked my seizures because I was trying to manipulate him and make him feel bad for not wanting to take me out for food during my lunch break. According to him, even me cleaning our apartment yesterday so it was nice when he got home from work, could have been me trying to manipulate him somehow because he's "seen me be manipulative" in the past, though he can't tell me how or when.

I feel like I'm trapped in this relationship because I can't afford my small apartment on my own, have no one to run to for help, have pets that depend on me, and can't even drive because of my seizures. I can barely even hold down a job right now. I don't know what I'm gonna do.

No. 253815

>>253806
from another muslim-raised woman, brown men are men. don't feel the need to defend these guys so hard.
>be respectful and a bit knowledgeable and open when you meet his parents- dress modestly
you know what muslim levels of modesty can reach and it is restricting. this is bad advice, >>253686 don't dress or act differently around the parents than you would in similar situations, unless you're okay with doing that for the future.

>>253686
if you haven't seen how he acts around his family you are missing very vital information about the strength of your relationship. also how religious is he, you need to think about if he might become more religious over time or if the cultural differences will strain his other relationships with people in his life. language differences and more add up. ask if have any of his siblings or other people in his life dated interracially.

>I’m pretty sure he’ll introduce me right around the time we’ll actually get married

you need to start talking a timeline, if this is actually the case i think it's a red flag. he may want to bring this up right before you might get married? marriage is a huge social event where you meet extended family and friends, planning a wedding is expensive and a major commitment.

my advice to assess if this is worth it or not is to see how much he advocates for you and takes on the brunt of communicating with his parents and telling them to be respectful to YOU versus him letting them step all over you. has he told you in depth what they're like and what to expect? how much does he yield to what they want him to be versus his own desires and beliefs? would he, if things got so bad choose you over them without knowing if the relationship could be mended?

No. 253829

What do you do when you do something platonic that is still hurtful to your boyfriend? I have been together with my boyfriend for four weeks now and went out to party yesterday. I made a lot of new friends and stayed over at one of the guys I befriended. I slept in his bed and nothing happened, we literally just chatted and didn’t touch because it was purely platonic between us. But I realised that even though it was just a platonic thing I did all the time before (staying over at random peoples houses, making friends wherever, regardless of their gender or anything), it’s not acceptable in a relationship. I just don’t know exactly what to apologise for because I did not cheat on him and never did. It was legitimately platonic, just disrespectful and I realise that. So I should just apologise for being disrespectful, right? Because I feel very guilty but also confused since it was genuinely fun and I enjoyed making the friends I did. I don’t want to do it again because I realise how it stems from my naivety and outdated friendliness. I am a very friendly person but I have to remember that this doesn’t always come across as such with others, and that as a girl I cannot afford to be as open and friendly to guys when I have a boyfriend as I did when single, even though my intent is to be platonic. I am simultaneously just conflicted and confused about what to feel and do. I’m giving my boyfriend space because he is obviously upset but don’t know what to say to him other than that I apologise for disrespecting him but also nothing actually happened. I just don’t want to minimize his feelings but also not make the situation seem worse than it is. I’m just confused soz

No. 253830

>>253814
Wow… This relationship was over for a while huh. Do you have parents that can help you get out?

No. 253832

>>253829
Just stop apologizing. The more you do, the more it amkes you seem guilty. Just leave him alone for a while until he gets back to you

No. 253833

>>253829
>I'm just confused soz
Would you be satisfied if your boyfriend told you he slept over at some woman's house just because they befriended each other? This is actually unbelievable.

No. 253834

>>253829
I think in relationships it's better to clarify what is deemed hurtful and/or cheating with your partner beforehand. You two seem to have different judgements of platonic interactions and if undiscussed, his feelings are pretty valid despite your innocent mindset. I hope you two can work this out!

No. 253836

>>253829
lol just don't sleep in a dude's bed. you don't have to stop going to parties or making friends or anything of this martyr bullshit. just don't sleep in a dude's bed. it's unbelievable that you don't see the distinction

No. 253838

>>253829
stop playing innocent and stop sleeping on random men's beds. is not thay hard.

No. 253840

>>253830
Believe it or not, he was just talking about how he wants us to get married the other day. And also, no I don't. My whole family (didn't have much to begin with) has passed away. I don't even have any friends.

No. 253841

>>253829
just because you didnt cheat doesnt mean you didnt overstep a boundary. Sleeping WITH SOMEONE in a bed that is not yours is still getting in close contact with someone. Sure you didnt have sex but thats still a shitty thing to do to your bf. I'd be livid if I found out my partner was arm to arm in someones bed after a party where they are drunk/high. Your bf is right to be pissed at you so there's nothing you can do right now, sorry but you fucked up anon.

No. 253848

>>253814
men who claim they can spot female manipulation or constantly call women's shit manipulative are so toxic. i'm so sorry, anon. this is so unfair for you, all of it. you have no family or friends at all?

No. 253850

>>253836
>>253838
>>253841
scrote hands typed these posts

No. 253851

>>253829
honestly if i was your bf i would be pissed also i don’t trust that the intentions of this other guy are purely platonic
as a lesbian both my girlfriend and i are mainly friends with other women so we don’t have a problem with each other sleeping over at our friends houses or sharing beds however if i found out my girlfriend shared the bed of some random woman she just met at a party i would be pissed.

No. 253856

>>253829
Kek if a boyfriend told me he “only slept over” at some random woman’s house I would 100% assume he cheated and we would be done. Especially only 4 weeks into the relationship. You can only give him time to determine 1) if he believes you at all and 2) how to cope with a partner who has no sense of boundaries.
>>253850
Are you 14? Having sleepovers with members of the opposite sex isn’t even normal when people are kids. Of course it’s weird and presumed to be sexual, and beyond that op is lucky she wasn’t assaulted because I can assure you the guy she ~platonically~ just met was hoping for more even if he behaved himself.

No. 253857

>>253856
tbf i can see how it can be hurtful to her bf or whatever but women are just not like men. you can't really typically attribute the average man's intentions and claims and often transpose them onto women in similar positions, especially grey area situations that involve potential sex or sexual action or sexuality of any kind. just not the same. all things considered, women are far more easily to be believed in this situation so it's really not the same to compare it to your bf. but yeah it's not an advisable action regardless for other reasons anyways to just sleep in guys beds platonically that you just met

No. 253858

I just want to scream into the void here: Nonnies NEVER move into a shared living situation with a scrote if you do not have the monetary or social resources to get the fuck out at a moment's notice. I don't care how great he seems at first. I swear like the last 5 questions have all involved
>I hate my partner's guts and he abuses me but I have no money or friends or family
>Moving is such a pain
>I can't afford to break a lease
>Our finances are too tied up to deal with
This is some Ye Ole Times shit where women didn't have the resources or legal recourse to live on their own. We don't have to do that anymore (if you don't live in a blatantly misogynistic country). Get a female roommate if you can't afford living alone. Do not ever put all your eggs in a shared basket with a man. Please please please. I've seen this happen so many times over and it's horrifying to watch women get trapped like this. I have been in a similar scenario myself before but thank god I had the cash to get out. Obviously anons who are already in the situation, you have to endure or look for alternate living situations as best you can and within your means. But for anyone considering it before they have a safety net, I hope this is a lesson to you. Cover your own ass before you risk cohabitation with a man.

No. 253859

>>253858
couldn't agree with you more

No. 253860

>>253850
if anything a scrote would be supportive of women sleeping in mens beds no matter what so no, it doesn't seem like scrote posting at all idiot

No. 253861

>>253860
can't speak to whether or not they're women or men buuut not really how male "empathic" thinking works. men posting on imageboards are not typically the type to be able to get a girl into bed after a party. they're obviously not going to be identifying with that guy, they're going to identify with the dude whining about his girlfriend. plus they typically take any route to smear and witch-hunt women for platonic or non-sexual behaviors.

that would be the case if they were purposefully trying to larp to spread promiscuity but they already see women as indiscriminate whores anyways so it'd be kind of pointless. not that men need to make sense.

No. 253865

>>253860
NTA but integrate. Your writing style is identifiable.

No. 253866

File: 1649055717179.gif (1.1 MB, 480x358, thisbitch.gif)


No. 253869

>>253865
????? I don't even post on this thread retard. First post I've made here in months. Knowitall nelly jeeeeez

No. 253877

>>253869
I didn't read the thread but the excessive punctuation and stuff is literally against the rules because it'd make you stand out.

No. 253880

>>253877
nta but
>excessive punctuation
>literally one comma in the original post you replied to
schizos like you ruin discussion every time

No. 253883

File: 1649067337475.jpg (203.34 KB, 2048x1149, 20220404_120547.jpg)

As my partner's 30th birthday is approaching, he is feeling the good old mid-life crisis. I feel bad for him and if there is any resources, information, experience and whatnot you could recommend to me, please let me know. I am generally a "busy 24/7" person so I never thought about such things (thanks to me living as a big sister with a huge amount of siblings and being taught to take care of things all the time, but I am also doing nothing but taking care of the apartment, do occasional art commissions and bake. I just was raised differently. ). He is a great, quiet person with a lovely family but he is also anti-social to a core. He would spend most of his years just doing the same thing, work>work on his personal fan-projects>some random entertainment like videogames or documentaries>sleep. It always surprised me how he would prefer to always be in his comfy place, comfortable bubble but he always seemed to be okay with it, up until now. Unfortunately we had to spend two years dealing with unresolved health issues that he ended up having, so I think that took a toll too, along with the country being under strict lockdown for three years until this year. I want to support my partner in any way I can, because he was always there for me for all of the years we've known each other, and I was too. I think I should just start by having a talk.

No. 253885

>>253883
where is this pic from??

No. 253887

i need advice on what to do about this guy that i dated bc my close friends are gay and girls who were never in a relationship before, so it would be nice to know what women who are experienced have to say. basically, this guy in one of my courses found me attractive. he's the first ever guy to be interested in me irl (usually date online even tho i hate it and the guys in my city are trash) and ask me out and i find him really cute for a white guy (a nice bonus: he's 6'5). i thought things were going smoothly because we shared similar interests, humor and we're into bdsm but he ended things with me right after our first date was done because he claimed that he realized he wasn't ready for a relationship and his issues would affect me which i don't think they would and i was ready to care for him if our relationship continued and also he was scared of how affectionate i was? i was pretty much crying in his arms because it was so sudden. i tried to convince him that i would wait for him but he wants us to be friends (which i said sure but i lied). a few days later, he followed this girl and started being a bit more active than usual (he doesn't like to use social media). i hope i'm overthinking and that they're just friends because he seemed genuine when he said he wasn't ready for a relationship and he said he still enjoyed our date (he spent at least 60$ and drank 3 shots bc of how nervous he was). i feel hurt over the fact he might've already moved on and found a new girl so quickly and lied to me. i still like him a lot and want him. i'm a firm believer that men are very easy to manipulate, i just have to find a way to change his mind. i know i sound desperate and retarded but i feel stuck and seeing him in class is awkward now.

No. 253888

File: 1649070747577.png (2.16 MB, 1500x843, in my lane, focused.png)

>>253885
nta but it's from rilakuma and kaoru

No. 253892

>>253883
30 is a bit early for midlife crisis… could be because he has no goals in life? Do you not want to get married and have kids and have your own family? Me and my husband are both approaching 30 and just got married and have our first baby on the way, there are a lot of new things happening and everything is super excited and busy, he has no time for any kind of crisis.

Honestly don't know how people who don't have kids occupy their time unless they just work or travel A LOT. If you're one of those people who don't want marriage or kids you'll have to find some other meaning in life.

No. 253893

>>253887
>right after our first date was done because he claimed that he realized he wasn't ready for a relationship and his issues would affect me
This is an excuse. He's just not that into you. Trust me I have let several guys down easy by saying "I'm just not ready for a relationship yet" only to end up in one soon after. It's basically the nicest way to put it if you don't want to hurt someone's feelings by saying "I'm just not that into you".

No. 253896

Is it considered improper if I don't go to my boyfriend's birthday party? I gave nothing against his friends, I just don't particularly get along with them and I don't have have much in common with them (and one of them is a borderline troon). My boyfriend considers birthdays to be super important while I'm whatever about them, I'd rather have a nice dinner with him.

No. 253897

>>253896
I think that's kinda weird yeah. Especially if it's important to him, you should probably suck it up and go. Sometimes you do shit you don't really wanna do for your partner.

No. 253898

>>253896
Yeah that would be extremely shitty of you. It's his birthday, deal with it.

No. 253902

>>253896
Maybe I’m a jerk but I don’t think it’s that crazy if you don’t want to attend, especially if you offer to do something 1 on 1 with him instead

No. 253903

>>253902
Instead of you attending the party, not instead of him having it entirely just to be clear

No. 253905

>>253896
If you had some intense anxiety about it then I would think it's reasonable to skip it in favor of a seperate dinner. If it's just feeling a bit 'meh' about his friend group then I think sucking it up is the decent thing to do.

No. 253907

>>253896
Like other anons said, if you know it's important for him you should go. You don't have to stay long but showing up for at least a little will show you care about how he feels.

No. 253910

File: 1649079155145.jpeg (46.56 KB, 640x646, OBCw3I1.jpeg)

I never had a relationship where I was loved the same amount as I loved them. I am afraid it is just not possible because men are not capable of the kind of love women are.

No. 253912

File: 1649079497897.jpeg (10.04 KB, 640x278, images - 2022-04-04T213343.433…)

how do i suck dick theres this guy i like and we've been together for a few months now hes going to be my first everything im so fucking embarassed im a sheltered nerd and this is the first time ill ever see penis in real life

No. 253913

>>253912
Do you know if he is circumcised or uncircumcised? I can only help out with circumcised ones since that's all I have experience with.

No. 253917

>>253912
that's a question for the sex advice thread anon >>>/g/133562

No. 253923

>>253910
My experiences have left me with the impression that even when men are loving.. they're so quick to flip a switch and just be done one day with no warning. Hard to recover from the likes of that without questioning yourself and whether it was ever real. I've battled with that before.

I suppose if the lack of love is there from early on then you have to set a standard for yourself where you don't settle for half assed efforts on their part. I still find men fickle though, they can walk through fire for you one day and still be cold as hell not long afterwards.

No. 253927

I had a talk with my boyfriend about feeling like the spark is gone today. Id been distant and he kept pushing me to say why, I finally told him I felt happier when he was away for a week and was confused as to why I didnt feel the excitement I used to when he returned. He asked me to leave for a bit and said I was evil for dicking him around. I know I can come across as cold but I'd either have to lie or tell him. I'm just trying to be honest.

No. 253932

>>253927
And now hes snooped through my private instagram messages with friends about minor drug use and all hells broken loose. He's really upset, saying im evil and must enjoy seeing him suffer. I feel really guilty

No. 253933

>>253927
I've only ever been on the other end of this and it's obviously never easy news to receive. Still it doesn't sound like you've been purposefully fucking him around. Sounds like that week was a wake up call and you processed your feelings before commiting to saying it out loud. He sounds shocked by it but don't let him get aggressive with his claims that you're evil and dicking him around if you're not.

No. 253936

>>253932
doing soft drugs with your friends makes you evil? his case sounds terminal. obviously this news is distressing to anyone who is still emotionally invested when their partner has lost the spark but the drug issue and you being "evil" as a result is so weird. what is he, 12?

No. 253941

>>253927
If you didn't string him along and told him your feelings as soon as you understood them for yourself it's not evil.

No. 253942

how do I go about dealing with a bf that has much higher libido to me? I really love him but I'm just not a sexual person and I can see how disappointed he is all the time when I'm not up for it. it really scares me that he would cheat eventually or start watching porn.

No. 253972

>>253942
In my experiences relationships just don't work out if the libido is very mismatches.

No. 253985

Am I too attached to my boyfriend?
We were long distance for 8 months, and he has finally moved back home 2 months ago to the next town over (30 min away, I go there often since my parents live there too, but mostly he comes to stay with me since I live alone). I would obviously get sad whenever he would leave before since I wouldn't see him for a while but was able to see him off with a smile, but now I get profoundly sad and full of dread when he leaves at the end of the weekend. I try not to let it show but sometimes I end up tearing up and everything. I don't know why it's harder to say goodbye to him now that I see him regularly. I just love him so much. I used to have a similar reaction as a child whenever my grandma who I was very attached to would leave, and the intensity of these feelings probably has something to do with my autism as well. I have trouble processing very strong emotions sometimes and end up crying a lot.
The only other thing I can think of is that work is the worst for me on Mondays/Tuesdays and I feel really alone when he leaves on top of that and ironically those are the days I just need a hug the most.
Am I too codependent? I try to keep most of this to myself so I don't come off as insane and have my mom come visit during the week so I can get a hug and some human interaction (I have two friends, one lives far away and the other is really busy so we only see eachother once every 2-3 weeks). Am I too needy or am I just sperging and overthinking things?

No. 253997

>>253892
>Honestly don't know how people who don't have kids occupy their time unless they just work or travel A LOT. If you're one of those people who don't want marriage or kids you'll have to find some other meaning in life.
NTA but it's called having hobbies kek.

No. 254013

My bf got upset at me because my car battery died and I was five minutes late in leaving for work. He drove me and he was fuming the whole time. At first he claimed he wasn't upset, that it wasn't my fault, but ofc I was anxious because he showed all the signs of being upset. Then near the end of the drive, he chimped out and started getting angry at me because he was saying I should have left on time and at least 15 minutes earlier. The thing is, my work is only like 30 minutes away usually, but today due to ridiculous traffic and fog, it took 30 minutes to get to the freeway and normally it takes around 7. He was so upset at me that he screamed in the car. I feel terrible because I always am working on getting ready and my time management, but it seems like overkill if I left for work an hour early like he suggested. It makes me miserable to think I need to leave that early for work if I'm to appease my boyfriend. We had discussed that my batter may need to be replaced, but the lights were left on and I think it was my boyfriend because he was the last person to be in my car, but I didn't point that out because I'm afraid. Usually he's super sweet and he's never gotten this crazy before. He also complained in the car how I was looking at him. It just sucks, I was trying to be positive in spite of what was happening, but he was fuming the whole time.

I am sorry for him because he had an online quiz close to the time he would return by and it affects his day because he bought me a whole battery that I paid him back for and he's reinstalling it. I just feel like dying because I don't understand why an unfortunate turn of events needs to become a deal on how I am late by 5 minutes. I live with him and his parents and he was yelling at me how I need to leave an hour early like they all told me to, and while maybe that would be a good idea, it feels insane to me he's making a deal of how this is me being selfish. I wasn't crazy off my targeted time. I don't know. Maybe I should feel like shit. I feel like I'm somehow deficient as a person. I am ubering home because I don't want to upset him.

No. 254014

>>254013
My question is, how do I deal with this delicate situation?

No. 254017

>>254013
I am thinking of staying at a motel because I don't feel like I can bear how I'll be treated at home. It makes me want to cry thinking about it. Okay, I fucked up and I should have left way earlier even though I had no idea it'd take an hour to get to work when it usually takes half that time. I should have just had my battery replaced though I didn't know about it because I need to pay more attention to car maintenance.

No. 254020

>>254013
This is not a delicate situation, this is your boyfriend chimping out and being an asshole. Car screaming and lecturing is specifically awful because of the close confines and the other person cannot leave.
>He was so upset at me that he screamed in the car.
No, he had so little self control and regard for you he decided to do so. Does he scream at his parents or authority figures when he's mad at them) Whether it was just "in that moment" or he consistently disrespects and intimidates you, both are worrying.

>he was yelling at me how I need to leave an hour early like they all told me to, and while maybe that would be a good idea, it feels insane to me he's making a deal of how this is me being selfish

If they told you to leave earlier today because of the bad weather or had an actual reason, then that is on you for not taking their advice. Doesn't mean you deserve to be screamed at still. But if they're nagging you to leave for work so on a regular day you'd arrive half an hour early that's retarded. If you can stay or talk with a friend today please do so, okay? You say he's usually sweet but I want you to really think about if this follows a pattern of bad behavior towards you and could be escalation of those patterns.

No. 254022

>>254017
your boyfriend sounds completely out of line . there’s no way you could have known the battery would have died and even if you should have been mindful of it, what does it matter? your boyfriend was a little bit late to work? i don’t think that justifies his reaction to you. i don’t know if that’s possible for you but i would consider breaking up with him. like i just cannot fathom getting this mad at someone over car trouble and something that’s not entirely your fault. imagine if you guys experience some greater inconvenience or bad event - how is he going to react then? furthermore it really isn’t his or his family’s business what time you leave for work. if your usual time works for you then why should you leave earlier? if bad weather means you arrive late to work then that’s your responsibility to handle, it really shouldn’t affect them

No. 254024

>>254020
They were telling me to leave that early in general. I don't want to deny my wrongdoings. I know it affected his day in regards to homework as he's a student, but he does stay at home all day. I feel awful for him and I understand why he'd be upset, but it felt like a lot that he was so mad. I was trying hard not to act disappointed or upset and he's sensitive when I act sad so I was trying to be upbeat and now he doesn't care about trying to he positive when it affects him, that is what really bothers me. It wasn't like it was a good situation for me either.

>>254022
It was me that was late for work, he doesn't work and he is in school, online for now.

No. 254029

>>254024
>he's sensitive when I act sad
dump him. I'd tell you to slash his tires but he doesn't leave the house

No. 254031

>>254024
You're being abused. He's abusing you. I don't know what else to tell you. Get out now before you waste any more energy on this guy who clearly doesn't care for you.

No. 254042

>>254013
Car trouble is normal run of the mill shit that goes wrong in peoples days.. his reaction to an annoying but entirely mundane problem is a warning sign that you can either listen to or ignore. Plenty of women convince themselves to stay after events like this but I would argue this screams of a man who will only escalate if you ever end up living with him away from his parents. I'm relieved that you're living with his parents and not alone locked into a shared lease with him.

Don't place yourself in any situations where this man has the oppurtunity to make you feel like this again. You're reacting in the same way abused women do because.. that is the dynamic you're in.

No. 254060

File: 1649116546578.png (112.7 KB, 551x319, 8743924802347329.png)

>>254017
This >>254031. This may be common behavior from men but that's because most are mentally stunted. It's indicative of a complete lack of adult coping mechanisms and the inability to properly empathize and care for a partner. Healthy people do not blow up over minor inconveniences and they don't scream and blame their partners for things that are outside of their control. Even if it was entirely your fault, the proper response is to talk things out or come up with alternate methods to avoid the issue. I know you're probably not going to leave right away because it takes an average of 7 attempts before women get out of abusive relationships and you're tied up in another joint living situation, but just think on it. Maybe you'll leave a couple months or weeks earlier as opposed to it taking years to realize he's not a nice person. Oh and in case it's not clear you have every right to be upset by his insane behavior. He is the one in the wrong.
>he's sensitive when I act sad
Another prime time for picrel

No. 254371

How do you ask your bf to propose faster! How do you know if he is about to???? Its all so scary

No. 254373

>>254371
You sound too young/emotionally immature to be marrying honestly if you can't have a mature conversation with your bf about it without going its scawwwwy

No. 254375

>>254373
True, I have had a lot of wine tonight so thats why I may have sounded retarded. Im 25, we had a chat about it yesterday and he 'implied' that he will ask me in a few months but honestly I just dont know! Its all too exciting and I dont know what all the real signs are. We've talked about babies and being married so many times, we've planned names and even the hospital I would go to for gods sake. Im just waiting for him to ask now. I want some advice!

No. 254382

>>254375
You're so cute in your excitement anon! I think if he already implied it's gonna happen soon, and you had all of these serious conversations about the future, all you have to do is wait

No. 254384

>>254375
Wouldn't you prefer it to be a complete surprise, especially if he is preparing something nice? If he's stringing you along I'd understand being frustrated but it doesn't sound like it's been a long time since discussing the subject, just let him to do it, you'll be so happy at that moment.

No. 254388

>>254382
>>254384
Thank you anons, you're all so fucking nice. I just really wish I knew if there were 'signs' of men about to do it you know? I love him so much and I'm so excited to marry him but I swear, because of my BPD he puts it off (maybe thats just my brain telling me so). I just wish some anons would give me some clear signs. I know men are retarded and thats why I thought it would be so easy to ask if women knew of the right 'signs'. I hope it happens soon!

No. 254394

I love my boyfriend but he recently opened up to me about his past sex life with his ex. It turns out they had unprotected anal sex on several occasions and one time she didn't prep and shat all over him and his bed sheets. I thought he was joking at first but then he said no it really happened. I didn't mind because what's happened has happened and it's in the past but when I asked him if they used protection and said no I got really upset. it turned out this whole time he had been putting the both of us at risk. He came back negative for HIV (I got the clean sweep and got tested for everything just to be safe) but I still feel as though I've been cheated out of my dignity but I also feel terrible because he felt insulted when I asked him to get tested. I don't understand why he wouldn't have got tested before having sex with me and I don't know what to do.

No. 254395

my boyfriend has been "bulking" for a year now…

No. 254397

>>254394
my bf had sex with with really creepy egirls and femboys. Trust me, your situation isn't as bad as you think.

No. 254399

>>254394
No, your situation is extremely bad. That he doesn't get tested regularly is a red flag. That he doesn't use protection is a red flag. Stop letting people do this to you.

No. 254405

>>254394
I ask upfront for test results. But I knew people who died of HIV as a kid and it was a big deal. I’d absolutely break up with someone over something like that. Whether you admit it or not your feelings are valid and he violated a sexual boundary of yours and now you feel uncomfortable. Good your body is doing what it’s supposed to. He disrespected you and in my exp anyone that oblivious and disrespectful one way is probably in a bunch of others you don’t realize.

No. 254414

>>254395
kek, are you struggling to find him physically attractive? that's an iffy situation

No. 254428

>>254405
Thank you for your response. I agree, I should have asked that he be tested first thing. He didn't tell me much about his sex life other than he was "still a virgin I guess" so I assumed he hadn't had any penetrative sex. When I asked if there was any chance he had anything/had been tested. He reassured me and implied he had been tested/had not had any sexual contact other than mutual masturbation. He is visibly upset when I show I'm uncomfortable with the thought of him being covered in shit but I don't know how else I'm supposed to react. The anal sex thing also makes me feel very uncomfortable because the more I learn about the person he did it with/what she had been exposed to the more I feel violated. I think I'll get over it eventually or come to a solution. Thank you to the others who took the time to respond to my query. It means a lot to me.

No. 254435

>>254428
Keep in mind even if In the future you should ask. Don’t discredit the fact his response was bad. No one should get upset or uncomfortable with expressing a need or boundary to get tested. It’s your health and life and it sounds all around like maybe communication was fumbled. But it’s something I would note. If he had apologized and been concerned about you and how it made you feel originally would it change how you feel now? Also why is he telling you more about it and why wouldn’t you be uncomfortable?

No. 254436

>>254394
>>254397
Tf why did he open up about his past sex life? Why is that common? I don't care if my partner got triple fisted upside down my their exes, ion wanna hear that shit. Past is the past.

No. 254437

>>254436
Like my partner and me are old friends. I knew stories from years of friendship, but we’d never bring up that shit now. It’s gross.

No. 254438

>>254436
This. Insecure motherfuckers who have to notebook their partners lives are actually scary asf. Asking for std checks is perfectly normal but going into the innate details of their past is honestly problematic.

No. 254439

>>254438
Tbh here’s what I’ve noticed. If someone gets mad you ask about testing. They’re a man whore or a cheater. If they talk in detail about their sex lives before they’re porn sick.

No. 254442

>>254436
In my case he slipped up and told me about him having unprotected sex, I said it was fine because he had been tested and that I didn't care but he decided to tell me the details I didn't really want to hear. I wish he'd kept it and that and just said, "I'm sorry, I haven't been tested. I can get tested though". Hearing about his ex girlfriend projectile shitting all over him and his bed was enough for me to not want to sit on his bed for a while.

No. 254443

>>254435
I completely agree with everything you said. Luckily, it didn't involve either of us catching anything so it's a lesson learned about being upfront about those things. I'm not sure why anyone would tell their partner about that kind of stuff. He was telling me about what him and his ex had done (it was a lot more graphic that what I've described) and I had to tell him mid story to stop.

No. 254460

>>254436
>I don't care if my partner got triple fisted upside down my their exes,
I do, if someone has done shit this gross then I don't want them in my life no matter how perfect they seem now. Call me a slut shamer kek I don't want to be with a pervert past present or future

No. 254473

>>254460
okay virgin mary, we're all pleased that you've been a clean girl your whole life but that still doesn't give you the right to judge your partner on their past sexual experiences. Everyone explores as a teenager or adult and if you want a clean moid with no track record whatsoever you should probably give up now
we're the internet generation and we've all done and gone through weird relationships and sexual experiences. The most important part is to be honest with your partner about STD tests

No. 254476

File: 1649267191931.jpg (68.3 KB, 640x639, 003ca3440c28bb01490a86b6017f47…)

>>254473
>just accept the cumbrained moid who re-enacts porn, it's ~exploration~

No. 254477

>>254473
I can judge, I will judge, and I am judging you currently slut

No. 254478


No. 254479

>>254478
not even convincing, try harder next time

No. 254480

>>254478
kek i'm neither of the anons but if anyone's a scrote it's you

No. 254482

>>254473
gotta agree with this anon im sick of other posters acting like men and women having sexual experiences such as anal or whatnot as taboo
I swear half the posters here are boomers who have no idea that people in the 21st century have more exciting sexual experience than just missionary

No. 254483

>>254473
>pushing fetish shit as just a part of healthy sexuality
>implying women who don't like that are prudes
i think i found the moid here

No. 254484

>>254480
ok bro keep it up

No. 254489

kek deleted the "get laid for once karen" post cause it made you look too obvious

No. 254490

>>254489
get laid for once karen

No. 254491

>>254473
As long as it isn't anything disturbing or violent, it doesn't matter. What's done is done.

No. 254492

>>254490
go fondle your cum-stained anime body pillow

No. 254493

>>254491
exactly, op was just talking about some anal bullshit and all these posters are acting like he ended the world. He needs to get tested and tell op the truth, otherwise its retarded to prey on his past so autistically jesus

No. 254495

>>254492
go back to your femdom husbando thread loner

No. 254496

>>254491
there's plenty of things that aren't violent that are still a red flag. e.g. i have zero time for someone who has done cross-dressing since that's a gateway to trooning out. or anyone who used to be into threesomes because "omg hawt lesbians who want my dick". vet your fucking moids for pornsickness, idiots

No. 254497

>>254495
you must have worked so hard to resist typing "femcel", sweat was pouring down your neckbeard

No. 254498

>>254493
It’s a red flag he told her in detail to the point she had to say stop. It’s a red flag he didn’t get tested before. It’s a red flag he got upset when she wanted reassurance and testing. Take your libfem or bullshit somewhere else. The grown women are talking. No one cares you larp liking anal prolapse because your desperate for scrote attention.

No. 254499

>>254497
how hard are must your fingers be shaking from not being able to type 'moid' or 'scrote' you fucking retard
inb4 you're about to post scrote or moid because thats always your fallback idiot

No. 254500

>>254442
How is it possible to slip up and talk about your past sex life without intending it?

>>254460
My point was that its weird as fuck the whole discuss every sex act and experimentation and what you liked in bed with your ex, like why is that so common now, to kiss and tell? Why do new partners need to hear about how your ex liked getting her clit licked at an 90% angle or how yalls favourite thing together was missionary for procreation? Like why cant people just say what they like and dislike without bringing up ex partners and detailed stories?

I like getting my ass ate, but I can tell new partners that without talking about how I loved it when my ex ate my ass for hours. Like why is subtlety not a thing anymore?

No. 254501

>>254499
lmfao seetheing
go back to your own fallback of "omg you don't have epic sexy empowered girlboss sexy sex like i do!!!!!"

No. 254502

>>254501
you have no point and just sound retarded
idiot

No. 254503

All the dumb zoomies reeeeing about how they were groomed and sexually abused and that's NORMAL u old boomers!!! Get therapy, learn to cope with being unlovable due to trauma

No. 254504

I hate this thread

No. 254505

>>254502
damn you're really mad, that fleshlight is gonna get it rough tonight

No. 254506

File: 1649268552360.jpg (108.26 KB, 985x878, R (1).jpg)

idk if this is the right thread for this but I'm 20 and have never been in a relationship, but I'm scared that if I don't find a guy that's young enough, my kid may end up autistic or otherwise develop-mentally-impaired. I'm aware that the older the sperm, the more likely is it for their children will end up autistic or otherwise mentally disabled. My uncle is special needs and he was conceived when my grandpa was in his mid 30s, but my mom was conceived when my grandpa was 29, and she turned out fine. I wish I could tell my future husband to freeze his sperm when he's like 21-24 or something, but I can't. Is there a way to get over this fear that I know I can't really do anything about ,aside from maybe recommending long-term partners to freeze their sperm?

No. 254507

>>254493
I'm that op aha English isn't my native language so I probably didn't do a good job at summing up what I'd said. I don't mind that he had done that before, I was just upset that he didn't get tested. Instead he chose to tell me the full graphic story when I started panicking about possibly contracting HIV and god knows what else. I mentioned that it was anal sex because I believe she had done it unprotected with other partners in the past so that's where my fear of contracting HIV stemmed from.

No. 254508

>>254505
>everyone who disagrees with me is a man
ok loner

No. 254509

>>254507
the whole story could have just ended in you asking him to get tested, thats it. tell him to get tested or dump his lying ass why do you even need to ask a dumb internet forum for this its common sense

No. 254511

>>254508
you're just repeating yourself now. common symptom of cumbrain, many such cases!

No. 254512

>>254511
ok bitch whatever makes you sleep with yourself at night
fucking idiot

No. 254514

>>254511
stop responding to bait stupid

No. 254515

>>254512
using "bitch" really shows how totally female and totally not mad you are

No. 254516

>>254512
>seethe

No. 254517

>>254515
listen to this >>254514 and go calm down honestly, schizos like you and them shit this thread up for everyone else

No. 254520

>>254506
Please do not worry. I think your fear is justified but do not waste your happiness worrying over something like this when you're so young.
When you're with someone and you get to that point in your relationship where you feel happy enough to have that discussion you will. I don't think you should go into a relationship with this in mind because sometimes it can cause more stress. Just address the fact you want children.

No. 254521

>>254506
It might bring you peace of mind to look up the genetic factors for your uncles disability. Might be related to pregnancy pollutants or something easy to screen.

No. 254529

>>254394
wanted to add my 2 cents to this conversation
I did bdsm with heaps of guys and girls before I met my current bf and he only had 2 gfs as far as i knew i barely asked though we both got tested and came back fine
moral of the story: just get tested and be honest with your partner if they are lying to you or feeding you bullshit its not even worth continuing the relationship

No. 254537

>>254493
>>254491
>>254482
anal that leads to projectile shitting on the bed is kind of disturbing tbh unless you have a scat fetish

No. 254543

>>254537
ugh don't make me sick I would rather die than let anyone–man or woman–near my fucking asshole. I'm sure it only became a thing as gay sex became more understood. I mean think about it why would any normal man want that when the biological alternative is there?

No. 254544

>>254537
I just want to clarify that this was the detail I was really upset with not the fact he had anal sex. It was the realisation I'd potientally been exposed to hiv and the graphic description of his ex girlfriend spraying liquid poo goo all over him. I'm not sure how much detail I should go into on here because his description was nauseating

No. 254545

>>254500
>My point was that its weird as fuck the whole discuss every sex act and experimentation and what you liked in bed with your ex
I actually agree with you. I swear I didn't intend to set off so much infighting but unfortunately it's really common itt. I don't need or want to know every detail of a partner's history, but as >>254496 brought up there are some things I just don't want a partner to have done. Especially for a man I see them as red flags. Extreme bdsm stuff, anal, crossdressing, scatplay, polyamory, having been community dick. I don't need all the dirty details but a simple yes/no about certain acts will suffice as they are boundaries I prefer to maintain. I'm perfectly happy on my own so it's far from a death knell to me if that means I'll never be in a relationship again. Certainly a better prospect than settling for someone who I know would only bring me discomfort and disgust. If others don't care that's fine, but it's just insecurity (and possibly internalized misogyny) to tell another woman that she's insane or puritanical for having standards. I personally have no desire or energy for men who don't have a similar outlook and it harms no one for me to see things that way.

No. 254546

>>254543
The projectile shitting description is the reason why I wouldn't want anyone near mine. I don't think most normal people aren't repulsed by the thought of shit. It's waste why would anyone want to Subject themselves to that. Do anal if you want but it seems normal for people to be freaked out by shit

No. 254551

>>254546
Not only that but we already have perfectly good vaginas that self lubricate, stretch to accommodate things and are nearer to the clit than an asshole. I know the occasional woman does actually think anal stimulation feels good, but for the majority it's just a need to satisfy scrote pornsickness

No. 254553

>>254551
I think vaginal is good for all of the reasons you listed, my bf raised these points along with the fact theres evidence it can damage the tissue in your ass, there's evidence it can cause some kinds of cancer and can lead to incontinence. people can do what they want but anal is extreme. It can be painful and it can be dirty so it's normal for people to not want to do or be with someone who wants to.

No. 254555

>>254553
It doesn't feel truly good for either. They just get off to doing something different or risque (gross). Gays do it because kek what else is there?

No. 254558

>>254555
The projectile shitting though… Dear God… why would you Subject yourself to that. Imagine what you could catch from that

No. 254566

>>254543
>>254546
>>254551
Enemas are a thing, and anal is as vanilla as you can get, unless you're some stuck-up churchy prude or extrene radfem.

No. 254570


No. 254573

>>254566
Yes, we get it. You feel the need to validate taking a dick up your anus by dissing women who prefer not to.

No. 254575

>>254566
"You guys said you didn't care if other people took it up the ass but talked about why you preferred not to/why it's dangerous so fuck you you prudes!"

No. 254576

>>254573
OK, but don't come here complaining that your boyfriend resents you for being a closeminded selfish prude. It's 2022, most heterosexual couples have at least tried anal, get over it, it's just sex in the butt.

No. 254577

>>254576
Why would you reformat my comment and prove everyone's point. You're defending yourself by insulting a bunch of people that said they don't care what you do. Why can't you get over the fact some people don't want to do it? Do you see the hypocrisy of telling people to get over themselves for something YOU'VE done?

No. 254578

>>254576
Enjoy your many prolapses butthole-chan

No. 254579

>>254576
Calling someone a prude for not wanting to be fucked in the same hole their shit comes out of makes you sound like a retard.

No. 254580

>>254576
This is what happens to your brain when you watch too much porn.

No. 254581

>>254576
The way this post is worded I'm pretty sure this anon is baiting tbh.

No. 254582

>>254537 I don't care what people do but I can't get over the waste products involved. My ex was having sex with a girl, felt a warm feeling and started to pull out. Shit starts pouring out of her ass on to his dick and his bed and it won't stop (which I think would be just as horrific as seeing someone projectile shit on you). It's plopping out of her, she gets up rolls over, smearing shit on his bed under her ass and starts running around crying with shit dripping down her legs. Absolutely fucking horrific description. He said the smell was unbearable.

No. 254586

>>254582
> starts running around crying with shit dripping down her legs

Nonna I'm dying rn just imagining the benny hill music playing and her running around in a circle but poor girl that is just awful tho I kill myself

No. 254588

>>254586
I'm rlly glad it gave you a laugh lol you're right though idk what I'd do if I became a shit faucet and gave their floor a new lick of brown paint. I can't think of anything worse

No. 254589

>>254576
Omg moidlet! You can't just assume everyone likes getting dicked in the ass just because you're a fag who does!

No. 254590

Weirdos with degenerate kinks are always mad that some of us don't need to be held at knifepoint and slapped up to be sexually aroused kek

No. 254591

>>254590
Anal sex is not degenerate, retard.

No. 254592

>>254591
Why are you still arguing with us sexually inexperienced totally vanilla femcels don't you have a dick to shit on (or to be shat on)?

No. 254594

>>254591
Well of course everyone's going to say stuff they're into isn't degenerate, it won't make the shit less degenerate though.

No. 254596

>>254582
Why tf did he mention that to you in such great detail? I'd be horrified that if we broke up he would start telling others and future partners about our embarrasing private moments as well, it would completely ruin my trust in him if I were you.

No. 254598

>>254596
Men love telling stuff like this, especially if it's humiliating for the girl. That's why you shouldn't ever do weird sex acts with men.

No. 254608

>>254596
Like >>254598 said really. It came up once when we were with friends talking about how shitty the people we had dated were. It was a pretty casual relationship I had with him so wasn't too phased by it.

No. 254611

I was gonna ask for advice on what would be a good gift for my boyfriend's grandma on here but now I'm laughing over the shit fest people's bfs have experienced during anal. Pls post more of these stories…

No. 254613

File: 1649283821212.jpg (335.12 KB, 1600x900, IMG-20220325-WA0000.jpg)

Caught my bf watching sex tapes of him and his ex, I'm devastated, when I caught him I asked if he wanted to say anything about it and he just says "no", latter he said he accidentally stumbled upon the videos while cleaning his hd and was just watching it…

No. 254620

File: 1649286550915.jpg (1.1 MB, 3024x4032, ztjv3los1t431.jpg)

>>254613
That's really sad anon. I would be heart broken if I were in that situation. I'd say if you aren't that serious you might just want to call it quits. If you're more serious it might be a different story. Sorry I don't have any real advice

No. 254621

>>254613
I'm so sorry this happened to you nonnie, that's just inexcusable, what a disrespectful piece of shit.
Also does his ex know he still has these videos? I would personally tell her what he's doing with those vids that's so fucked up.
He needs to delete them and prove to her and you that he has.
I don't think I would stay with a man who treats women this way.

No. 254634

File: 1649289449359.jpg (182.35 KB, 800x1200, EWQkZ7fU8AEkj4S.jpg)

>>254613
i'm sorry anon, that is absolutely devastating. but also obligatory picrel.

No. 254667

File: 1649295444192.jpg (51.95 KB, 500x495, frig.jpg)

made a normie fake dating profile on one of the apps today cuz bored and saw my ex that's been trying to get back with me. seeing him made me feel like shit but helped me see he's been lying/manipulating me and will help me move on ig.

No. 254755

nonnies I know I'm an idiot but how do I deal with the fact that my bf openly admits to liking a completely different type than me? I can't shake the feeling that he's settling cuz (surprise surprise) he can't get the type of person he's into.

I'm white with a boyish build and boyish features, he's into curvy black girls. His friends even mentioned to me at a party how 'damn how does it feel to be with a boob guy when you don't have any??' I told them to fuck off and we haven't seen them since but the point still stands.

I know 'be confident! be urself! self esteem!' is the answer most people have but the feeling of him pining for someone other than me always lingers despite how great I feel about myself.

Obviously I brought this up to him and he says while yes he does find large breasts and dark skin attractive, he's happy with me. Something isn't clicking for me…

No. 254757

>>254608
So? Thats even worse, telling secrets casually to friends and non serious partners

No. 254762

>>254755
>I know 'be confident! be urself! self esteem!' is the answer most people have but the feeling of him pining for someone other than me always lingers despite how great I feel about myself.
so you already know the solution, i guess you'd just like some validation? i get that it's not a great feeling. it would be worse and breakup-worthy if he was the one constantly making you aware of his tastes though. but it seems like it's mostly his friends (and i do hope he stands up for you to them) and your own mind. you can ruin even the greatest relationship this way. you can be with someone who is super into white women with boyish build and still end up feeling inadequate because he also likes it when they have another hair color/different personality traits/interests etc. almost no one ends up with someone who checks all of their attraction boxes. a fantasy is a fantasy, it's not necessarily what works for you in reality. and most people "settle" in that sense - they don't wait for someone perfect straight out of their dreams to come along, they go for someone who makes them happy in reality. it's far from the miserable kind of "settling". and you too probably have things you are attracted to, things you always imagined your ideal partner would have that he does not fulfill. you too probably find other people attractive but do not pin over them, obsess over the idea are unhappy in the relationship or love your boyfriend any less.

what really matters is: does he not only say he finds you attractive but actually makes you feel attractive? does he blatantly ogle the women who are his "type"? does the fantasy distract from your relationship, do you feel neglected? or does he actually treat you like the most attractive woman in the world regardless of any pre-conceived "types"? focus on his behavior, not your worries.

No. 254764

>>254762
I agree with you on fantasy being fantasy, and that there is no ideal. Happiness in general above any vague notion of the ideal is how I try to structure my relationships.

I think my issue is as you stated in your last paragraph: he doesn't make me feel attractive, he continues to watch porn with exclusively his type (he knows how I feel about porn but sheepishly says he's addicted), when held accountible for these things he claims it's unattractive to be so paranoid and have such low self esteem.

The wild thing is, is that I find myself generally attractive, I like the fact that I look strange and tend to accentuate those features. I'd like to save the relationship since it's fulfilling in most other ways, but this just makes it feel like we'll end up as roommates before long.

No. 254765

>>254764
Nonny there are plenty of men who love a boyish body. He knows he makes you insecure and that he has control over you and that you will compare yourself and do the most to please him. He wants to keep you insecure and make you feel guilty and unattractive. Life is too short to stay insecure in a relationship, there are plenty of men out there that worships your body type.

How would you even try to save it? You can't change your race or body type, and you can't chance his preferences?

No. 254766

>>254755
>damn how does it feel to be with a boob guy when you don't have any?
He's not going to like you, he'll dump you whenever his retarded type cones along so just find someone better. Someone that likes you for you and doesn't make his friends mock you.
>>254762
This is cope. All men have autistic types and although they'll date women who don't fit them, they won't value those women and keep searching for their type while still dating and even cheat on the women. If you know your bf doesn't like you and keeps wishing for a different type of woman, just end it.

No. 254769

My ex is a bad guy who treated me bad most of the time with sweet intervals. He dumped me after logging in to all my social medias and reading through messages looking for dirt cos he thought I was cheating (i wasnt). He's in my flat and I'm in a hotel. I thought itd be civil since I'm trying to be chill and he broke up with me but when I contacted him about moving out, he was just horrible. Expressing that I'm cruel and evil and horrible. He went off about how much he hates me and how he doesnt deserve this and how everyone thinks im an evil bitch. I was so confused cos he dumped me but after living together and dating for 3 years, reading that kind of shit really hurt. I knew he had a mean streak and I've seen it before, but nothing so concentrated and vile. Hes agreed to move out but im terrified of going over while he's there. I dont know what to expect. He talks about how I could be so cruel as to leave after 3 years despite him dumping me and going off on me because I left? When I pointed out he dumped me and described exactly what happened he got really angry and was like "seriously? You're just twisting shit to make be the bad guy. Congrats you fucking win" I don't get what he's trying to do. It hurts sure, but I'm mostly just confused

No. 254771

>>254764
and there's your answer: first of all just never stay with a porn addict in general. you can't fix them, it's never worth it. a porn addict who blatantly watches porn of women drastically different from his girlfriend to the point where it interferes with her self-esteem and does not make her wanted in her own right is super not worth it.
>>254766
ok sure, so just wait for someone whose autistic ideal you are and who you are also perfectly attracted to. i'm sure that will work our great.

No. 254773

>>254765
>>254766
if only you knew how he looked to add to this soup of shit… you'd understand that he'll NEVER date his 'type'. I love freaks though, I cannot help it.

But you're also right… hate to say that the general mentality of this board helped me confirm a lot of what I was already thinking about men and relationships, but it definitely has. It's funny how the majority of people I know IRL (regardless of gender) prepetuate accepting so little of men and really can't seem to have this conversation, so thanks for the input.

No. 254779

>>254769
i know you're hurt nonny, and i know everyone who's talked to you and even the logical part of your brain is screaming at you to leave this human filth behind but i'll say it again: he doesnt deserve you, its just textbook narcissism, he's trying to absolve himself from any wrongdoing. ignore it and don't pay it any attention. go over there with a friend if you need to ensure your safety!

No. 254780

>>254779
I know hes wrong and I can do better and everyones telling me that but I keep thinking about those times where he was kind and sweet and funny and I remember why I tried so hard to put up with him and I feel so sad it couldnt be like that all the time. I loved him so much

No. 254781

i know exactly how you feel, it's really hard to let people go for that reason
you need to come to terms with that he's not the man you fell in love with. it can be hard because it feels like you're grieving a sweet, funny dead person who won't come back, but it helps to phrase it like that. you'll find someone else and the world moves on

No. 254782

>>254781
Thanks nonna. I think things will get a lot better once hes moved out and I can go home

No. 254783

hi nonnies i would really appreciate some input because i have nobody else to ask so thank you for reading if you do

my bf and i are very close. he has no friends except me and a few guys he games with. i encouraged him to make more friends and talk to more people because i want to see him happy and i put too much pressure on him. he is my only friend as well and i dont want to be suffocating

im not against him talking to girls. in fact i encourage it because he doesnt have any feminine energy in his life except me. but i found out he was talking to a girl who was coming onto him very strong (calling him cute, he even sent her pictures) and she explicitly said she is looking for a bf, not friends. he didnt mention that he had a girlfriend once and didnt reject any of her advances.

i confronted him immediately, his defense was that i 'told him to talk to girls' (even though i said AS FRIENDS ONLY im not some cuck) and he didnt explictly flirt back (which is true, he didnt call her cute or anything). im just hung up over the fact that he chose to talk to a girl who told him she is only looking for a boyfriend. i couldnt even recognise him from the way he texted and spoke to her. ive been crying a lot and he keeps calling me crazy and that im overreacting. he said a lot of hurtful things. i know he didnt cheat on me and i don't have it that bad but i need to know if im in the wrong for even being sad about this because i feel like im going crazy

No. 254785

>>254783
also im 19 hes 22 he treats me very well and takes care of me and i know i'm too dependent on him which is probably why i feel so guilty for even being sad but hes always been so honest with me and i have trusted him completely , i was asking him who he was texting and he kept saying it was nobody and hid it from me which also hurts a lot, if he didnt lie i would feel much better

this is the first time anything like this has happened

someone please tell me if im making a big deal out of nothing

No. 254788

>>254783
He knows. He knows exactly what he's doing and he loves the attention. He's playing dumb and making you feel crazy. The fact that he hid it proves that.

The fact that both of you are a bit shut in and codependent doesn't help. Do you feel like his company is enough for you? Maybe if he wasn't your only outlet for friendship/relationship and you weren't his there would be a more healthy dynamic. What he's doing is sneaky, but you should be able to branch out to have a life outside of the relationship, just now how he's doing it.

No. 254789

>>254788
not how he's doing it*

No. 254792

>>254788
Thanks for your reply i really appreciate it
I know i'm too reliant on him, I don't think he is on me because he's a lot more self assured and confident than i am, so theres definitely a power dynamic between us

Its hard to make other friends since i get along better with women but all my college classes are filled with guys. even tried the friend finder threads here but they didn't work out too well. it all started because im the one who encouraged him to talk to other people too

I know i seek way too much validation from this guy and probably wouldn't if i was less insecure. plus ive been with him since I was 15 and can't let go of my naive fairy tale perception of love. i know this shit's so cringe, i wish i could be more rational and stop idealizing things so much

/blog

No. 254796

>>254783
>>254785
He's blatantly gaslighting you. I'm not going to give you any advice, what you do is up to you, but know that he 100% knew, without a doubt, what he was doing, knew what he did is wrong towards you and makes the concious choice to blame and belittle you instead of owning up to it. He knows what he's done and he knows he's lying and hurting you when he tells you you're crazy (which you're not.)

No. 254798

>>254783
You are 100% in the right. You seem like you have VERY high empathy, which is a recipe for disaster when you have a partner who isn't on that level. Just remember, the ability to empathize with your partner, to work to understand your partner's feelings as well as come up with a plan to deal with those, is one of the most important qualities you can have in your partner. If you can't expect him to care about your feelings, what good is he for?

>in fact i encourage it because he doesnt have any feminine energy in his life except me

Also, what the fuck does this even mean?

No. 254801

>>254798
>>254798
>Also, what the fuck does this even mean?
Haha, I was in a rush and didn't know how to word it. He doesn't have any female friends or close female relatives (only brothers, mother passed away few years ago). I feel like the people he talks to both online and offline have stereotypical male mentality. Idk if that is offensive, apologies, i didn't mean it like that

yep you're right about me having too much empathy. he's agreed he can't feel as much empathy as me and struggles to understand how i can be as sensitive as i am. from his perspective it makes sense but it's difficult for me to fathom, idk

>>254796
>>254798
okay i'm glad i'm not overreacting, strangely enough i feel a bit better knowing that. i told him i want to be alone for a bit. ty for the help nonnies

No. 254803

>>254801
>the people he talks to both online and offline have stereotypical male mentality
I get the sentiment, but this isn't something you can force. I think on some level you know a person's friends reflect their own beliefs and values. But pushing him to get different friends or change his friend group won't change him, unfortunately. He will still be garbage trash.
>he's agreed he can't feel as much empathy as me and struggles to understand how i can be as sensitive as i am
He basically admitted you two aren't compatible. It's up to you what to do with this information.

No. 254820

Nonnies should I apologise for overreacting?
I'm autistic and sometimes I get really exhausted socially really easily. I told my boyfriend since before we even started dating that occasionally I need space and won't reply as often. After a year together that happened starting last week, and I wouldn't go a full day without replying, just would take a couple hours. My bf started saying I don't talk to him anymore and that I'm distancing myself.
I explained two times that I just needed a bit of space and he kept saying that when he doesn't feel well he tries to get close to me because I make him feel good, and the fact that I do the opposite means either I have a problem with him personally or he doesn't help me, he's not autistic btw. I tried to understand his side and I kept trying to reply to him often and the problem seemed to die down until tuesday.
I got incredibly stressed and exhausted from personal stuff + autism + having to reply to him when I have no energy. I told him we could try to take a break (not break up) so I could get better and all that. He gave very short replies, including one saying that taking a break wasn't a thing and we either were together or not. I asked him for a middle term solution that would be good for both of us and he just didn't reply at all. Last night I was so upset over him apparently not caring enough to reply that I just sent a message saying 'i kept trying to find solutions for this but you're not even trying to be communicative' and blocked him.
Welp, now I think that's it right? But I wasn't ready for a breakup, I never wanted that. Should I unblock and apologise?

No. 254824

>>254820
If your boyfriend can't handle a few hours away from you/not talking to you, hes in the wrong for that. Especially when you've explained to him that its because your autistic. He needs to respect your needs, if he can't hes not the right boyfriend for you

No. 254825

>>254783
>tells bf to go make female friends
>is surprised that females are attracted to her moid
>is surprised that said moid is enjoying other female company when not having it previously
every time. you told him to go talk to females knowing he's a recluse and an internet guy, I honestly don't know why you'd be surprised this has happened.

No. 254827

>>254820
Is this an e-relationship?

No. 254831

>>254827
No, irl relationship.

No. 254834

>>254829
better to be alone. if these men only want you if you pay for shit, that's so unattractive. if they don't reallly like you there's no way you're having good sex. you deserve better.

No. 254839

>>254820
There's absolutely nothing wrong with not immediately replying, does this guy not have a job? And even then nobody is entitled to quick answers (unless it's for an emergency of course), you did nothing wrong anon.

No. 254842

>>254829
Why is this even a question, being alone of course. Being alone here is a breakeven, being in a relationship with a man who only takes costs (far) more than it gains you.

>The loneliness is killing me

Partnership isn't the only form of valuable company

No. 254855

>>254829
Being taken for granted feels ultimately worse than being your own master and getting to decide what you do with your time.

No. 254886

File: 1649363437763.jpeg (49.14 KB, 712x671, BD64F2A4-7973-40D4-98C0-8C34FA…)

just blocked my bf for mocking my depression. Any nonnas have any tips on how to feel better? I cant believe i confided all my trauma in someone only for them to mock them. Please tell me it gets better anons

No. 254950

>>254886
He’s a shit head and you deserve better. It gets better. Hot showers, extra pillows, warm drinks, little bit of sunshine, proper vitamin d, hobbies, and lots of focusing on you. It’s uncomfortable and it hurts but you deserve good things nonnie.

No. 254974

>>254783
You're not making a big deal out of it. I basically made this exact post a year ago, only to find out he was doing even more with her than he let on, so reading this struck me. Please trust yourself and how you are feeling. He knows exactly what he's doing, he had no interest in just being buddies with her, he'll just keep obfuscating and lying. You're in my thoughts anon

No. 254990

catfished a guy and now really like him
what do

No. 254991

>>254990
tell him the truth

No. 254994


No. 255005

>>254990
……why. Just why.

No. 255006

>>254990
you catfished him with a "prettier" girl or with an entirely different personality or both, or what?

No. 255008

>>255005
privacy lol, I’m paranoid giving info out so made some bullshit info up

>>255006
i lied about some details of my life like my name and stuff just to hide my identity. had a stock image on my profile thingy when he first added me and he prob thinks that’s what I look like. he only saw that one pic of “me” and we never talked about it idk. I don’t even think that the stock image is prettier than me so hopefully he’s not repulsed by me when I show him lol

idk I’m obviously gonna tell him. i didn’t have malicious intentions but that’s obviously not an excuse. i really didn’t know we’d be invested in each other as friends. I’m hoping he doesn’t block me after and kind of understands

No. 255010

>>255008
idk maybe my idea of catfishing is different that's not really catfishing tbh, or it's barely catfishing. i don't think it'll be an issue unless he's the type of whiny bitch to just start shit with you

No. 255015

>>255008
I agree that this doesn't sound like catfishing at all. If he responds badly then that should tell you all you need to know about him and be able to move on afterwards.

I'm also after some advice as well. How do you deal with your partner having a bad attitude anytime you bring up something bothersome to you? I asked him to unfollow the girls on his Instagram that only post thirst traps and he agreed while giving me a bad attitude about it all. "Whatever mate it's just Instagram."
I feel like my feelings are perfectly valid and the way I asked was nice enough to not get that kind of treatment back.

No. 255018

>>255015
i wouldn't be able to deal with that kind of attitude for a very reasonable request like that, especially after you exerted very specific energy in trying not to start a fight or create any resentment. if he wants to be single instead and enjoy all his thirst traps, let him. i wouldn't deal w this from the jump, let alone receive attitude for it

No. 255028

My boyfriend got mad at me for a) not letting him help me troubleshoot when he wasn't being much help and b) moving his hand out of the way and telling him to stop when he reached for the controller when it wasn't working (different incident, but the one that set him off). He yelled at me to stop projecting my ex's insecurities onto him, because he falsely assumed my shitty programmer ex was the reason I reacted that way to him trying to help me. It's not that at all - I really hate it when people look over my shoulder and comment on what I'm doing when I'm frustrated and trying to figure something out, and it also felt like a betrayal to hear him bring up my ex like that out of context. My bf gets mad whenever I, in his words, snap at him like that, but either I'm the world's most unfeeling bitch or he's overreacting because I never recall saying anything harsher than 'use your brain' when he unintentionally did something that almost damaged something precious to me. We very rarely have serious arguments, but we only ever seem to have them when I unintentionally say something to upset my boyfriend. Am I the problem? I do have autism and I grew up in a rather blunt family so I probably am being rude without realizing sometimes, but I don't raise my voice at him, swear, or say things I know will hurt him.

No. 255034

>>255018
Honestly I'm not sure why I didn't bring it up earlier. It's something that has bothered me for a long time and I'd immediately forget, tonight I finally remembered I wanted to talk about it. He unfollowed them but at the expense of dealing with the passive aggressive response.

I told him he needed to explain his attitude but I'm still waiting for a response on that.

No. 255035

>>255034
let him tell you, but don't expect anything other than an eye-roll in verbal form. honestly i don't even have convos with men that show resentment towards me in any way. either we're compatible naturally or i will dip. not begging to be treated without resentment for something very reasonable

No. 255056

sorry for green text but I'll make it easy
>be me, out of LTR last year, still kinda talk to ex but no urge to relationships/sex with anyone
>see handsome guy on instagram follow me
>maybe he'll unfollow after tomorrow
>he doesn't
>follow him back bc hes handsome and seems exciting- travels, fitness orientated and enjoys nature, business, grad from one of the top schools in my country, dresses well, seems HV
>DMs me a but after I follow
>says he likes my style
>say thanks and tell him we must have met before lol ask if hes from my city
>my city is not viewable on instagram profile, just country and a general I visited this place post
>looks at old insta posts bc currents are in another country
>kinda sad bc instagram crush
>view his story
>"excited to be home in X city, coming back from work trip,"etc
>tell him "and there it is lol!"
>he dms me back and says it must be fate and smthn else but I didnt see because its latish now n I dont feel like opening it up n leaving him on read bc I wanna be smart about this

Nonnies I've never done anything like this before online and I want to make it last. I have been thinking no decent males exist despite my male-prominent job. So question is, how to do THIS?

No. 255057

>>255056
He dms me after a BIT* I'm retarded sorry for the sperg

No. 255058

>>255028
This reads like all of these relationship stories from r/relationships subredding where a woman tells a story of a disgusting, abusive moid and then proceeds to ask "Am I the problem?". No, you're not, your bf though would really benefit from some deeper insight into himself and starting to take better care of his anger and jealousy issue

No. 255060

>>255056
Ngl this sounds like Tinder Swindler lmao
But seriously though; I don't know why are you trying to be "smart about this", if you want to meet up with the guy just respond and arrange a meeting in a nice, public space. Nothing to lose by hanging out.

No. 255062

>>255060
It's ok nonnie, I need bluntness for the autism. I have no relationship experience besides my HS sweetheart and I'm social enough but not though to know what might come across wrong. Would coffee be an okay hang-out? I don't know if I want to ask him or wait for him to ask me. Will update later/samenon

No. 255063

>>255062
Coffee is a perfect choice, especially for this kind of implied first date, good luck and have fun!

No. 255088

I feel like my ex is taking advantage of my patience. He dumped me on Monday, so I spent £300 on a hotel room til today. The breakup seemed amicable apart from him snooping in all my socials and me having to change my passwords. Anyways, I tried to speak about the flat on wednesday to him only to bs met with just insults and smugness as he seemed to think he was staying there despite me paying far more for it up until this point. When I said actually no, I can afford it he retorted with that not being fair. Anyways, he knew id be out of the hotel on friday and we agreed on me keeping the flat and him moving out. I meet him today to speak to him and I'm met with passive aggressive bullshit. Him dropping comments about how his whole family hates me and the timing with his uni dissertation and how moving shouldnt be his problem cos I have family in the city (family he knows im no contact with) so he drops on me that I have nowhere to stay tonight too. He suggests I stay in a hotel again but I'm already £300 down. I left pretty upset as he'd just been gradually chipping at me since I got there. Ive managed to sort staying at a friends tonight but im dreading going back to get my things. Im starting to feel like my home is being stolen. I dont want to complicate things but hes insisting on keeping a key so he can get his post and it makes me nervous. Its just exhausting and its not fair

No. 255107

Can someone tell me to get over my ex. He was an asshole and way too critical about my choices and interests, but I'm still hung up over him because it was nice to have someone to spend time with.

No. 255110

>>255107
Get over him and get some friends. If you can't, work on loving yourself.

One day you'll look back and wonder in the fact that you willingly wasted time with an asshole.

No. 255133

>>255088
Who is on the lease, is it in both of your names or? If like you say you paid more and he was the one doing the dumping I don't get how he could expect you to be the one getting a hotel last minute and not him. Him being on the lease solo is the only way that'd make any sense.

I've been in a situation before where a bf was on the lease and I was just paying my way but without signing, dude was an asshole who would lord that fact over me any time we fought (threats of homelessness used to get his way) and it sucked because morals aside he legally had that power and it was such a shitty power trip to take advantage of that. If your guy doesn't even legally have that power then he's even worse.

No. 255142

>>251399
Hot Take: Marvel/DC Superhero culture is doing to men and boys what Disney did to women and girls
As young girls, we were indoctrinated with all these harmful, self-abandoning messages by Disney movies, and there are now legions of men and boys who literally function as though DC/Marvel were their religion. They draw their actual morality and mythology and meaning from what began as COMIC BOOKS. I'm sorry, it drives me up a wall, and has contributed to this exponential growth of Main Character Syndrome in men, where the only desired women are attractive and useful (Pepper Potts) or attractive and rescue-able (Mary Jane Watson). Either way, they're just adjacent to men and in service of their storyline.

No. 255143

>>255142
Don't even get me started on the "superhero origin story" of being a misunderstood loner who one days comes into his power and shows 'em all. It just gives a convenient narrative for men to justify being self-centered and accepting no corrective critique from society. Plus the superhero achieving his ends always, always, ALWAYS entails violence. Every time.

And Hollywood keeps making more and more of these movies because this childish, delusional shit makes bank. I genuinely fear there will come a point where you can't find a single non-superhero movie in the theaters. This also contributes to American exceptionalism, male privilege, and so forth. American society is damn near close to having no other moral compass than pop culture tropes.

Can you tell how over this I am? lol. For God's sake, grow up. You're not Tony Stark and never will be

No. 255144

>>255142
>>255143
They do everything except the desirable things about these men. They aren’t making any Tony Stark money or trying to be humanitarians. They don’t protect women. They don’t work out and get bodies like Thor. The only thing they want to emulate about these guys are the toxic aspects of entitlement and violence.

No. 255149

>>255110
>get some friends
I've always hated this advice

No. 255150

>>255088
break ups are never easy and they're always fucked no matter what

No. 255151

>>255142
Girl I think I just read this in FDS or am I tripping but hard agree, I'm so over men and their main character syndrome when it's like, can you build me a shelf David? Cook? Do any useful skill that isn't sitting your fat ass down and sperging about video games and other things meant for kids online to other freaks?

No. 255156

>>255142
This reminded me of a guy I met recently, didn't even have the marvel connection but the main character syndrome was off the charts.
> I was born into addiction, I inherited it from my dad, my life has been a battle, I've made bad choices but here I am today still picking myself up, let me share my story so others who are struggling can…
He shares these raps of his life story online and nobody watches them. All it's about is him liking alchohol too much and getting messy drunk in his youth. Where I live that's every other guy his age. He desperately wants to have a dramatic and inspiring backstory but that's all hes got to work with. His fam are pretty nice and his background is mundane as hell. I just want to tell him that there's nothing wrong with being an average nobody.

No. 255158

>>255156
This site is full of level-headed people, compared to any other chans or forums. Let’s hope people who are reading this can pick up what we’re saying

No. 255178

>>255156
I'd even go so far to say that superhero movies, the way they are currently used, are compensation fantasies for men in general.

There's this huge number of young men who are failing at life. An entire societal group of socially maladapted, vidya-playing, badly educated young men on the verge of NEETdom. A group of men between 15 and 30 who are, objectively, failing at launching into adulthood. It's a development that is both new in its scale and that has no real equivalent in women.

Just looking at the stats- young men earn fewer college degrees than women, they're unemployed more often, they perform substantially worse in school starting in elementary and never make up for that gap, they struggle with addictions to porn and gaming, and a third of pubescent boys have behavioural issues so bad that we slap the label 'ADHD' on them and pretend they have a legitimate disorder. Men, as a whole, are not performing well.

These movies are an escape fantasy for all the incels, NEETS, and mediocre white dudes who are staring at an unyielding brick wall in front of them. Those bottom 25% of young men that have no real female equivalent- Batman is their escape fantasy.

No. 255190


No. 255194

Idk if this is the right thread, since the problem is me.

I'm a total degenerate. I love attention and want to fuck around because I like it. Yes, I know, no woman is like me and I must secretly be a moid, maybe I need to go on T since I'm such a man about sex. Anyway, I have a partner who my family and pets really love, and his interests and stuff mesh well with mine. We just don't have sex very often (his libido is not as high as mine I think). Plus, I love fucking different people specifically. I just want some miracle cure that will cure my degeneration and keep me from going ape shit on genital carousel. Open relationship is not an option, neither is leaving him. I'm afraid I'll cheat him. Then again I'm also wasting my young years with old mini dick ash balls. Why am I like this, I need jesus

No. 255200

>>255194
either let your moid go and commit to your whore life or find a moid with shit morals to share your life and STDs with

No. 255202

File: 1649450688524.jpeg (469.72 KB, 1280x1280, 9BAC8CCF-1037-4C61-9417-E15611…)

>>255194
Just dump him. He sounds like a bore.

No. 255206

>>255202
cute pic
>>255200
this seems very scrotal but i have to agree only with the objection that "whore" is unnecessary. if you think you can change, maybe you can, maybe try concentrating on gratitude than your sexual fantasies. but ultimately, your libidos and sexual/reomantic preferences are not compatible and for you both this is important. unless you can control it, it's better than to build resentment and be stuck in a house with someone awkwardly.

No. 255211

>>255206
>>255200
(deleted reply)
I know I'm a fucking whore and I should kys, it's not normal for women to be like this, that's why I want to change. Maybe I'm actually intersex and have a hidden y chromosome, that's why I want to change.

>>255202
>>255206
Thank you nonnas, also cute demon, but I really don't want to leave a man just because I'm a freak

No. 255216

>>255211
Being a horny slut doesn't make you a man or intersex. Many women go through periods of very high sex drive in their lives. If you want to change it, try hormonal birth control. That shit can and often does kill your sex drive. You might also get tested for STDs because some common ones like Chlamydia can make you super horny. But ultimately other nonas are right in that it's ideal to find a partner with a similar sex drive as you, particularly if you don't want to be in an open relationship or be a poly weirdo. Although if you want to be one, more power to you, just find a partner who likes that too. It's not cruel to leave someone if your lifestyles are not aligned. It doesn't have to be about who did something wrong or whatever. Some people just don't work well as couples and are better off just being friends.

No. 255221

>>255211
literally there’s nothing wrong with you just date someone with a high libido

No. 255224

>>255194
>I'm also wasting my young years
Leave tbh. If he knew you felt this way he'd probably agree it's best to break up.

No. 255226

>>255211
stop being a retard

No. 255254

>>255216
>"try hormonal birth control. That shit can and often does kill your sex drive"

Dystopian advice

No. 255269

>>255194
>I love fucking different people specifically
>Open relationship is not an option
well alright, suffer then

No. 255271

>>255211
>I know I'm a fucking whore and I should kys
kek shut up.
as for the advice you've gotten so far, i agree with everyone. you want to fuck around, want to stay with your boyfriend and also don't want to be in an open relationship, those 3 requirements just won't work out. you have to let one of them go, either give up the relationship, restrain yourself or make it an open relationship.

No. 255276

>>255254
Yeah I know, but she asked.

No. 255287

>>255211
jsyk, i was calling that other post a little scrotal, not you. i was just saying i think long term libido incompatibility and your desire to have sex with other people is fully possible to realize, just… be with someone else. not really sure how to stop your desires to fuck other people and stuff, it's probably difficult to do even if you were to just lower your libido. i just don't see how you'll be able to reconcile not fucking other people when you want to, with a life of monogamy and comparatively infrequent sex. seems very incompatible and a big issue.

No. 255303

Thank you for responding to my dramatic whining kindly nonnas t. horny retard

No. 255329

>>255056
Update from DM guy and spergnon here.
>said it must be fate
>he also asked if I was from our city and I said yes and lowkey suggested a trail/hiking date (hurr durr I know all the spots around this city)
>tells me a nice hike is good every while and makes witty comment introducing himself
>"also btw nonnie, if you're wondering who this handsome man you're talking to is, my name is (blank) :smileyface:)
>I think it's cute he introduced himself despite it being on his profile
>tell him this pretty girl hes chatting with name is nonnie and when are we getting coffee
>tells me it's nice to meet me and hes more of a wine guy and asks me if I like wine
>tell him I do like wine and it sounds nice
>I messaged him back about 2 hours later bc busy around 8pm, he hasnt responded or anything but I like that he doesnt message late and is respectable
My city is basically LA in my country so it's not all super crazy with the school or anything but I feel retarded because everything is going well and I've always wanted something like this to happen but could men actually be capable of this? He didn't even say drinks but wine. Is it possible hes just trying to imply to get drunk and hookup? But wouldnt you just say drinks? I feel so retarded oml. I'm very very very excited though nonnies, hes very handsome and appears to have a work ethic and be decent.

No. 255337

>>255329
I think "drinks" would imply hookup more than "wine" but maybe he's just trying to seem sophisticated?
It all sounds very nice and I hope for a good, fun time for you anon; but please stay careful. It might be a prejudice on my side but there are things you've shared about this guy that make him seem like a possible fuckboy. Of course if you're fine with it, it's all ok. If not, just be careful, and - as autistic as it may sound like - it's good to straightforwardly ask about it if there are more signs to suspect so. Of course, not the "are you fuckboy" accusation but more like "would you like to hang out more often or see it as one time thing?"
Either way - I hope you'll have cool date, get to know him more and things go well! Update us if anything more happens!

No. 255339

>>255337
Nona ilysm, thank you for looking out for me like this!! The asking is a good idea and that's subtle enough for me too! I've never been into hookup culture so I'm not even sure about how it works but I'm hoping for genuine interest, hoping hard kek. Much love nona! I will keep you and all of lolcow updated xx

No. 255340

Is it normal to hate it when men banter with you? My boyfriend was watching me play a game the other day, and he made a lot of sarcastic comments poking fun at everything I was doing. It obviously wasn't done in a way meant to humiliate or hurt me, he was just teasing but it still pissed me off. I roasted him back the entire time, but deep down I felt very annoyed thinking to myself "this isn't the kind of dynamic I want to have with him." Aside from this he's always so gentle and kind, constantly finding ways to make my life easier, gives me lots of compliments, and always praises my intelligence/my unique way of doing things. I think he eventually realized I wasn't too thrilled, because he apologized for going too far. But really, I feel like it was something that shouldn't have happened in the first place. What do you guys think? For the record, I don't mind it when my female friends roast me, but when men do it it's so unattractive and a huge turn-off. Am I just being too sensitive?

No. 255342

>>255340
I hate when men banter with me too. It's annoying and dehumanizing, if they can't treat you with the equal or greater amount of respect and compliments than it goes further than just banter, in my experience. My ex would always tell me his friends were joking with me when I stood up for myself and eventually called out their bullshit, one day they got mad at me though and told me they all hated me and it was a big running joke with them. Sadistic. Nothing wrong with wanting a man who cares.

No. 255345

>>255340
It isn't a great feeling sometimes when men treat you as 'one of the boys' I've been put off by it both in relationships and in friendships. There's times when it works and times when it doesn't. It's all just a matter of reading the room and the situation I guess. Men don't always pick up on when it's a bad time or when they're overdoing it. Your guy sounds like he cares and just made a mistake though.

Like sometimes they do it to irritate you on purpose but he sounds ok.
>"this isn't the kind of dynamic I want to have with him
Don't be afraid to be clear about that. And ime if you specifically say it's a turn off they tend to learn quick enough.

No. 255347

>>255345
Samefag to add. I read a story lately about a woman who was half beat to death by her bf after she called him 'sis' during a conversation. So men don't like it when they experience the equivalent.

No. 255369

I really need to talk to a therapist about this, but I don't have the money so here goes.

I became obsessive with appearance related stuff after I found my boyfriend was watching porn when he said he was done with that. I am delusional and genuinely believe that if I make myself more attractive, I won't have to worry about that. The add insult to injury, at the time I foolishly sent nudes of myself to him, so it made me feel worthless and pathetic. The things is, I objectively see myself as ugly in those photos, so my brain immediately blamed myself.

How do I stop thinking like that? Even at that time period when I was sending the nudes, I got a lot of positive attention irl for my appearance. It's only increased since I've become obsessed. My boyfriend has apologized and says things are different, but I feel like I cannot trust him. I avoid checking his computer, phone, etc. because I'm afraid of what I'll find. I don't want to spiral again.

I just don't know what to do. I want advice on how to heal from something that happened due to a relationship regardless of the guy because even if we broke up, I'd still feel this way.

My boyfriend is against the surgeries I haven planned, and I don't point this out because I don't want to upset him, but I am sure the people he's watched have had those surgeries and such. In general, he is worried about my obsessiveness, and many times, I get so caught up I don't even think about how it started. But when we talk about my poor relationship with sex, how I demand it, how I link my appearance with it, we then invariably talk about my obsession with appearance which leads to the initial event I talked about and then it just triggers me because I remember WHY I became this way. Of course, I know it's my fault, but it hurts what triggered me to either make the choice to deal healthily or unhealthily as I have chosen.

Could someone point me in a good direction? Like, any books or such. I feel like this is related to me being abused as a child. I was molested as a really young child and I got jealous over the attention my abuser gave to other women because I watched him like a hawk (he was related to me). I felt inadequate because I was a child and I knew I was "unattractive" because I didn't have adult woman features at the time. That I think is what triggered me to care about appearance at all from a young age, but this event with my bf triggered me into a hyperstate as an adult.

No. 255372

>>255369
Please dump your bf and get therapy. I got a plastic surgery because a scrote told me to and now I'm trying to get revisions so I can get back to my natural looks just because I feel disgusted with myself because I let a retard influence me into this by picking apart my appearance. Please don't do what I did. It's not your fault that society wants women to fit a certain mold and media advertises that type of woman while also putting down women who try to look like them.

No. 255374

>>255372
My boyfriend is very supportive of my natural appearance and I've taken a poor situation and made it worse through the way I think about it and this is what lead me to want plastic surgery. I will tell myself it's all about looking my best, but then I am sobered when I remember that the only reason I even started caring is because of the incident with my boyfriend. I got obsessed and wondered how the girls got photos like that and it lead through a rabbit hole of filters, plastic surgery, and a bunch of shit that I can't forget now that I have learned about it.

>It's not your fault that society wants women to fit a certain mold and media advertises that type of woman while also putting down women who try to look like them

This is very true. I just want to cry because a lot of people tell me how beautiful and attractive I am, but it isn't enough….the surgeries I want aren't to fix anything, they're just to perfect my proportions. It doesn't matter how good you look, I feel, if it doesn't translate to a photo.

No. 255376

>>255369
Does your bf know about your csa history?

No. 255379

>>255376
Yes, but I haven't told him the weird jealousy thing because I feel so terrible for feeling that way as a kid. The relative is my brother and it makes me want to commit sudoku I felt jealousy over him ever, I think it was because I really looked up to him before the CSA and I wanted his attention and love because he was specifically mean to me as compared to my sisters (who both never had csa).

No. 255384

>>255379
Men who date csa survivors.. they love to feed you this fake empathy but then they're usually pornsick themselves and take advantage of the boundary issues or hyerpsexuality that csa often produces.

No. 255388

>>255374
I've known some beautiful people who looked terrible in photos and some who knew how to do their hair makeup and poses perfectly so they looked like 10/10 even though they weren't like that irl. Don't obsess over plastic surgeries, you could and probably should get therapy for that reason alone and if you do, make sure its a female therapist. My therapist was a faggot who looked like a dollarstore blowdoll because of his shitty plastic surgery and when I told him of my look related issues, he only pressured me more.

No. 255389

>>255369
>My boyfriend is against the surgeries I haven planned
>dating a porn addict
no he isn't against the surgeries he hates hearing about the reality behind the bodies he faps too. I know guys like this too well and they're happy to fap to fake ass and tits all day but as soon as a woman considers surgery they flip

honestly? moids like this are braindead when it comes to womens bodies, you could easily just go ahead get the surgeries and then claim it was a business trip or something and he would be too stupid to know but also praise you for getting the appearance of women he faps too, but that's way too much for a moid so just dump him and heal your body dysmorphia

No. 255390

>>255389
This. Men want fake tits, asses noses and lips but want women who are born with those characteristics. They also want women with glam makeup but also demand them not to apply makeup. They want to believe the fantasy, they don't want to know how hard it was for those women to look that way.

No. 255395

>>255389
Nta but I think the only reason why porn addicted bfs often don't jump at the oppurtunity to have a surgery enhanced gf is as simple as.. they don't want other scrotes to notice you.

Men think if you get a makeover you'll up and leave them but tbh most women are at higher risk of up and leaving their scrotes by just getting therapy and getting higher self esteem. Which is what op would do in and ideal world. Easier said than done though I get that.

No. 255397

>>255390
Men will never truly grasp how artificial other women are, including small onlyfans users who are the worst about the fakeness too, that's the tough part about dating porn addicts it's that they think it's normal for womens bodies to look extreme but don't want their princess to get plastic surgery, wear makeup, waist train, whatever but will happily ignore her and show attention to women who do

you're also expected to perform insanely (expected to mind you, if you perform good these men act like it's just how all women are supposed to act during sex and won't praise you for it/ will just expect other women to perform that way) but also not be extremely experienced or anything. Porn really made men expect the impossible which is probably why so many women just simply lie nowadays about surgeries, experience, etc

No. 255400

>>255395
Possibly, I dated a PA who was against surgery but also would pressure me to stop taking psychiatric meds and cursed me out and ghosted me if I took them, I thought it was just weird until he harassed me for doing other things to better myself like get a job, make friends, etc. It eventually clicked that he was scared that other, much better men would show men attention and I'd realize how low value he truly was but he was right about that kek

anons bf probably realizes men enjoy big bolt ons and bbls as much as him because we live in clown world where all men are porn addicts and think plastic parts is normal on natural women

>>255388
this makes sense, cameras nowadays are shit tier and everyone relies on overeditting/far away angles to look good, some cameras make you look compressed therefore wider/shorter and can make your boobs look smaller than what they really are, or just make any curvature to your body disappear all together. Super curvy and 15 inch waist tiktok stars are always using filters and no one seems to understand

No. 255406

It's almost universal that monogamous women will experience at least a little bit of anxiety/stress when stuck in a relationship with a scrote who looks at porn/instagram girls. It's not natural for men to gawk at thousands of different women with bolt on tits and ass in the span of 2 minutes, or to be able to look for degenerate, hardcore porn on demand and have it completely overwrite and warp their normal inclinations. How are you supposed to trust him and in the relationship when he treats women in general as objects to masturbate to? I wish women would stop blaming themselves for feeling shitty about it, it's a natural reaction to a pathetic and disgusting habit. He could be enjoying a mutual intimate moment with his partner but instead chooses to jerk his chafed, limp noodle to voyeuristic porn like a cuckold. Absolutely disgusting.

No. 255410

>>255406
>It's not natural for men to gawk at thousands of different women with bolt on tits and ass in the span of 2 minutes, or to be able to look for degenerate, hardcore porn on demand and have it completely overwrite and warp their normal inclinations.
this so much, the biggest defense men use for this is that it's ~natural~. Attraction to other people is normal but wanting literally impossible body types that never existed before plastic surgery? not natural. Becoming so porn sick you're convinced every woman outside of your relationship is willing to hook up with you? not natural. In nature, males fight other males to compete for sex, males mount other males to show dominance and you just had to get whatever female that was willing to fuck you and be happy with that, you couldnt just watch porn and play vidya all day since you have to man the fuck up and hunt, protect and so on. Moids would literally commit mass suicide if humans reverted to the natural ways of living even though they're so obsessed with the idea that they're degenerate porn addicts because of evolution

No. 255412

>>255410
dude they literally have memed themselves into being gay, and completely avoiding the vagina and going straight for anus on a woman. there is no sense, rationality, or evolutionary reason for why men like the shit they like. they're always trying to justify their retarded trends and fetishes that change with the wind. fucking retarded. 100%, men would put out "scientific articles" justifying how there's an evolutionary NATURAL reason as to why they want to fuck cars or toilet bowls instead of just having normal sex with a normal looking woman.

No. 255413

>>255412
This. Men never shut up about how 'nature' and evolution and instincts are what make them like big tits, that's what makes them cheat, that explains away all their shit.. and then there's anal. Just doesn't fit.

No. 255414

>>255413
>Men never shut up about how 'nature' and evolution and instincts are what make them like big tits, that's what makes them cheat
I don't get this, breast size has nothing to do with fertility or breastfeeding, also moids who cheat have a terrible survival instinct since a lot of women will murder them for cheating or cut off resources for them, which is odd because a lot of men who cheat are often being financially supported by their women, wouldn't their superior intellect tell them that risking getting resources cut off for cheap pussy isn't the best idea? who knows

No. 255415

>>255413
>>255414
it changes every single day. one day small breasts that look more "youthful" are more evolutionarily attractive, the next day, massive boombooms are evolutionarily the best. not to mention the entire specific field is bullshit but i mean, come on, in what way is fucking an anus ON A WOMAN evolutionarily useful? or cumming on her face? yeah, super useful.

No. 255420

Am I fucking crazy to be upset with my boyfriend? I fell and sprained my ankle a few days ago and my dad is coming to visit. I told my dad i was injured because I fell but didn’t tell him details because it’s genuinely really stupid and I wanted to tell him in person. My boyfriend asked if I told him how I was injured and I said not yet, and he goes on and on about how my dad is going to think he beat me. I told him that was literally insane and my dad would literally never think that and I was going to tell him how I got it in person, but he kept going off about how when women are injured - people think it’s the spouse that hurt them. He was getting annoying and I kept telling him he was being weird and my dad isn’t going to think that and I was literally going to tell him - and I shouted this because he was still going. Then he got mad at ME saying, “sorry for voicing my concern I’ll just shut the fuck up.” And when I tried to reason he kept interrupting with “no no no it’s fine get what you want” like ?!?! I’m sorry???? I have to walk around with crutches but I have to baby you with how people perceive you???

No. 255421

>>255414
They claim that your proportions somehow magically indicate whether you're fertile and good at carrying babies or not. I'm sure fertility docs must see women with flat asses all day long….I mean that's how fertility works right?? They just twist logic to try and suit themselves and match their tastes. Years ago big boobs meant fertility and now it's big asses mean fertility. God evolution works quick lol. Then the same men want you to take the pill or they cum on your chest instead. Fertility drives my actions they say..

With anal there's no way of twisting it to make it about nature and pregnancy. It's the total opposite and I love them having no nature based excuse for it.

No. 255424

>>255420
Nonnie you are not crazy, he just sounds extremely anxious and got angry because men can't deal with emotions. You shouldn't have to baby him either because he's a grown ass man but if he's only met your dad a few times, he is most likely worried about what your dad thinks of him and how he will be perceived. He wants to be accepted by your dad but sounds too anxious to bargin with. Don't worry nonnie, you did the right thing and things will be fine

No. 255425

>>255421
It's funny because they always sperg about how Asian and African women are popping out babies like no tomorrow even though the average cup size in these countries are usually A-C cups? Kek. Also by their logic shouldn't those fundie women who have like 20 kids be curvy goddesses as well? They're usually not. Or chubby chasers who claim chubby women are more fertile when in reality chubby women often have the biggest issues with fertility and are actually less fertile, fertility issues start at higher ends of healthy BMIs for some women, wouldn't their dick know this if they didn't take biology lessons from hentai?

It's also funny since they'll usually point out women like Beyonce, kim k, Tyra, Marilyn Monroe, etc to be fertile because of their body but all of these women are very open about their trouble with conceiving. If they truly cared about fertility then why aren't they simping over celebrities that have multiple kids with zero issues conceiving or birthing? Either their "natural instincts" are hella broken or they need to put down the fertility excuse when being shitheads towards women

No. 255434

>>255425
>>255421
>>255410

Also funny how muh biology goes right out the window when they seethe that women only want chad, and not their inferior dna. Or that men fall asleep after sex while women gets hornier to ensure she sleeps with more men undisturbed and that the semen compete with eachother to fertilize the egg. Or that the prime age for men isn't 40+ and that they have their best years ahead of them, while women have to settle, but that their sperm degrades every year after like 25, and they have already missed out lol. Or that women naturally are more attracted to strong alpha men during ovulation and then naturally want to make a beta cuck raise his offspring.

All while saying women are more primitive, but we're not allowed to use biology as a justification. But the logical men, they just can't help but be controlled by their primal urges.

(I know I use moid terms but I'm just using their logic against them, I don't actually talk like that)

No. 255436

>>255434
It's always these men who also act the most jealous and controlling over women, to the point where they will flip out if they even ~sense~ that their girlfriend might be cheating. In nature if female mammal cheats on the male, the male is supposed to fight the other male for dominance, males constantly fucking female in the animal kingdom also means the female is healthier and more desirable so the male should feel lucky if the female is always cheating, shouldn't they be flattered by cheating girlfriends then instead of getting suicidal tier?

No. 255475

>>255436
>getting suicidal tier
lmao they get homicidal tier specifically towards the woman, again, going against their evo-psych shit

No. 255530

>>255329
DMnon here with another update.
>he asked if I liked wine and I said yes, white wine
>he said he likes it too and said "we should split a bottle sometime"
>my sperg ass asked nonnies what it meant
>he probably wants to hook up
So where do I go from here nonnies? How to respond?
1. When and where?
2. Oh yeah? Over dinner?
3. I prefer a glass with my dinner but we could do a bottle
I'll take any suggestions nonnies but plz vote!

No. 255531

>>255530
def something in the realm of 1 imo
You could offer a day that youre free or something? or just respond asking when he would be thinking would be a good time
also I rate your cross-board linking 2/10

No. 255532

>>255531
Thank you for voting nona. I went back and clicked on my cross-board link and it's very bad OMG. I'm wondering if I should just delete it and repost without the numbers so I dont annoy the other nonnies.

No. 255533

>>255532
do it like >>>/g/255530 i think

No. 255534

>>255530
just do 1 i guess. he could be a weirdo trying to get you drunk but he could also be saying bottle by being generous, plus no one knows anyone else's particular alcohol tolerance. some people drink 3 glasses of white wine with their meal, or just one, etc etc. men typically don't just drink 1 glass of wine, basically ever.

No. 255535

>>255534
nta but is it really that weird to want to get drunk with someone? it's not like he's blindsiding her with it

No. 255536

>>255533
Bless you sm. Thank you nona. Now I will be able to link knowing the format, much love xo.
>>255534
Thank you sm! I get a good vibe but I'm still uncertain on if he is trying to DTF or meetup. He doesn't message me late(past 9) and neither do I, he also slid in my dms very casually and isn't doing the classic /fuckboy/ style of sending fire emojis, liking my riskier selfies or being sexual. That's why I'm also so confused! It's late right now (2am) so I will message him back in the morning going for a 1-type message. I also work 2 jobs (an 8 hour and then 5.5- I'm not poor rn but I'm trying to save money) so I am basically unavailable except for when my work aligns.

No. 255537

>>255534
>>255535
Am I dense or do people actually get drunk over half a bottle of wine? It's like two-three glasses.

No. 255538

>>255535
nah it's not at all. i get drunk with guys (that are my friends) but i try not to get too drunk with guys i don't know too well. if she is the type or others are the type to be wary of getting drunk with a relative stranger though, i can understand. i'm providing options for all considerations. me personally, i do fine getting drunk around guys though but it depends on your level of comfort and how well you may know them.

No. 255539

>>255537
it takes me like 4 glasses and if you're eating? even more.

No. 255540

>>255329
>said it must be fate
I hate it when men pull this cheesy shit lol

No. 255541

>>255538You guys get drunk with half a bottle of white whine?!Q?!?!?!??!?!? the fuck.

No. 255542

Winenon again.
I don't get drunk off half a bottle but I get pretty buzzed off of it! I don't mind drinking a bit with someone either but I'm just not sure if he's suggesting his house/bar/dinner or what yet lmao! I am bad at relationship stuff ughhh. Thank you for all your responses nonas, I appreciate you

No. 255543

>>255537
I can get a good level of drunk on that but I drink infrequently. Tbh it probably doesn't matter though 'let's share a bottle' is just a line. It sounds classier than what usually happens, which is people popping open more bottles after that.

No. 255544

>>255543
agree with this but some anons in the other thread she was posting in were making a big deal over "split a bottle" vs "have a glass of wine". as if idk he's an alcoholic or a predator or both. i mean both are possible but i wouldn't really jump to that conclusion based on that line. plus if it's at something like a restaurant and a guy wants to show you that he's making an effort, he'll buy a bottle to show he's not cheap etc etc. also could just be at home and letting her know he's willing to share his wine if she wants to have just a drink, or more. or maybe he could just try to get her drunk and make moves. not really enough info alone to judge drastically, it just seems like a normal line to me too.

No. 255545

>>255536
>I'm still uncertain on if he is trying to DTF or meetup.
I'd say ajdjdj just gooooo, if it gets hot etc then it does. If he doesn't seem like a fuckboy, then anything like that would come secondary to seeing how well you meshed together
just go and see if you click

No. 255555

>>255536
>he also slid in my dms very casually and isn't doing the classic /fuckboy/ style of sending fire emojis, liking my riskier selfies or being sexual.
That's the thing, from my experience men who hook up a lot never do this kind of stereotypical bullshit because they know most of women won't respond well to it. They're very nice and very interested in you and any kind of move happens IRL

No. 255563

>>255555
she's clearly never talked to a man before in her life, i can tell she's going to be played badly by this guy but whatever.

No. 255573

>>255475
True, I met several men who would freak out because "I don't know man she's just acting off I think she's cheating on men". They'd just distance themselves and start emotionally neglecting her instead of discussing it, 9 out of 10 times she wasn't cheating and it was actually him who was cheating. Accusing women of cheating constantly is also a top emotional abuse tactic used by men in order to make the woman desperate, begging for communication, or even isolate herself from situations that "make him feel like she is cheating" which is any sort of socialization to these males

No. 255574

>>255573
NTA but I saw this firsthand. Accusing women of cheating is retarded because when women cheat, men usually can't tell either.

No. 255586

>>255574
this is true because women usually aren't retarded with cheating (having unprotected sex, fucking his friend/family, trying to bed everyone that's nice to them, etc)

men don't even try to hide they're cheating like "oh imma disappear for a few days, don't worry about it" or just talk about the literal girl they cheat with to their SO kek, like ??? could you not make it more obvious

No. 255621

I don't want to risk losing a really close friendship, but this crush I have on this guy is tugging at me. It's been with me for a really long time, well over a year. Sometimes I just want to say fuck it life is short and I shouldn't have to wait around to find out, but I also want to hope things will turn for the better with time and say that things take time and rushing things is not good, because I've experienced both.
I haven't had such good chemistry with any other person, even with my ex. Three months ago we just talked together for nearly 7 hours, he was there to comfort me when I had moved out of my ex's apartment to an apartment of my own. Even yesterday we watched two films together. Even some of our long term online friends think we're married and just keeping it a secret from them, this has been a conspiracy of theirs for a while.
The thing is, he seems to be settling down with his high school sweetheart. I dislike the circumstance, which is why I'm having a hard time. I have a suspicion he's just going through the motions of what is expected, given recently he's made jokes about being reckless with his life, like drinking + driving and whispering "please don't let this be the breakup text" whenever she texts him when I'm talking to him.
Maybe I just need to be rejected by him and get over it and after that everything will be fine and dandy and I can move on.
I'm gonna talk to my best friend about this too, because she was in a kinda similar circumstance when she confessed to her now fiance. I mean, I have plenty of close friends, but I really, really enjoyed ours. Fuck, dude this sucks. I wouldn't have such a hard time doing this if I wasn't with my ex when we met before he got married, even better if he was also single. Maybe it's not meant to be. I just want to get this feeling over with and not be a fucking homewrecker.

No. 255644

>>255621
Sink or swim, anon. This dude's girlfriend doesn't deserve any of this, even if there's nothing physical or any verbal confirmation happening between you two; the fact your friends think you two are secretly married shows how messed up this situation is, and how hurt she would be if she found out. Confess to him and either he rejects you, commits to her fully and you end this friendship, or you get together and be happy forever after and that poor woman won't be led on anymore. Both scenarios involve someone getting hurt and someone becoming really happy, and I think it really should be resolved instead sitting for who knows for how long in this unhealthy limbo.

No. 255649

>>255644
Do NOT do this! Confessing to a guy with a gf will only paint you as a mistress/"whore" and he'll simply reject your because of that alone. Even if you get together, he'll think it's fine to do the same thing to you.

No. 255656

>>255644
I agree with this anon. Either way, you two can't remain friends. It's unfair to the girlfriend and to you. So either confess and move on, or end things now and let them be together peacefully.

No. 255660

>>255649
Honestly, i don't care if he thinks of me negatively after confessing to him, the friendship will be over, because who's he gonna tell? The friends who conspire about us being secretly married? even if things go in my favor and we do get together and he does the same, it'll be a learned lesson and I'll realize we are truly not meant for each other.
Life is short and >>255644 has a great perspective. I don't want to let this drag on in both of our ends, especially since he's committed.
I'm gonna risk it. I really am trying to keep my mind off him, but each guy that's interested in me I just and up measuring them up to him. The large possibility of me being rejected is the reassurance I need to mentally move on.

No. 255664

>>255660
Go for it, I'm glad that's your decision! No matter the outcome you'll be able to move forward with your life and it's really valuable.

No. 255766

>>255660
god damn you are stupid

No. 255804

Any other SSRI widows here? How do you deal with a partner with low/no sex drive and the rejection that comes with that?
I love him so much, I can't ask him to go off his meds because I'm horny… But I miss him. Even though he's healthier and more stable now, I miss him wanting me.

No. 255808

>>255804
You can ask him to get on Wellbutrin as well, it's commonly added to help with libido.

No. 255810

>>255660
You're just making excuses to justify something immoral.

No. 255814

>>255810
NTA but what do you propose as the moral choice here, anon staying friends with that guy?

No. 255825

>>255660
Hope he humiliates you. I had a dumb girl like you try to get with a guy I was dating, as a last resort she even sent nudes of her fat body and got blocked.

No. 255828

>>255825
At least I can handle rejection after communicating

No. 255835

>>255804
I've only ever been on the other side of this, my drive tanked initially and it was so much harder to finish but we made efforts to work on it. We brought new toys into things seeing as I was almost clit numb. Things got better but I went 7 months without an orgasm. We set time aside to cuddle and fool around lightly and the spark got going again with some work and.. heavy duty vibes.

Is your guy incapable of getting an erection altogether? Do you do other things? It's not unusual for people to request a change in meds if it's having that extreme of an affect on your intimacy.

No. 255844

from snooping through his phone i found out my boyfriend was still talking to his ex 2 months into us dating, also found out they were fucking and seeing eachother weekly right before we met. there has been no contact after we became official, but i still think i should break it off, am i overreacting?

No. 255873

>>255844
How long have you been dating? Are there other off things? If it’s a new relationship under a year or two I would right there or if you don’t think you can let it go I would break it off too.

No. 255908

>>255660
>I'm gonna risk it
If he really wanted to be with you, he would have done it by now. By doing what you're about to do you're homewrecking his relationship, encouraging him to think about you romantically and hurting yourself in the process. Learn to move on properly.

No. 255917

File: 1649739081089.jpg (5.46 KB, 236x223, FIcJHKdXIAQpazT.jpg)

i kind of don't know what to think about this. i need some advice cause i am worried.
so my bf and i were each other's firsts. he would get flustered (and still does) every time i got too close to touching his nipples. the other day i was trying to get him off with a handjob but he just wouldn't cum. we often experiment and try new things so i decided to start sucking on his nipple while i jerked him off. he was reluctant at first but he let me. he quickly got a lot of pleasure from it and he was able to cum. it was a really big orgasm too.
after that we were both kind of shocked from it? we kind of had an "oh shit" moment. he felt weird about what we did even though he really liked it. i asked him why and he said it was because of what he thought about during it. he was really embarrassed to tell me and he didn't want to until i promised i wouldn't make fun of him.
he said that during it, he told himself in his mind things like "yeah, you like that you little slut" and he said thinking of himself in that way felt feminine, thus embarrassing to him. because it's "something you tell a girl, not a guy." i reassured him i don't think negatively of him for liking it.
however, this is what i am worried about: if we continue to do this, could there be a chance he could troon out eventually? maybe i'm paranoid, but i really don't want to risk my relationship with him. i obviously don't want to be with a tranny. i don't want to jeopardize him being a normal man for some unconventional sex stuff just because we like some light femdom sometimes. i'm worried that sex acts like this will escalate to him wanting to try out actual weird or degenerate things. i'm not against the act of nipple play itself. i'm worried about if he's going to continue to have thoughts like that that will escalate.
idk, maybe i'm being dramatic but i don't have other sexual experience besides him. what should i do?

No. 255921

>>255908
I agree. I can't understand why some women can be willing to chase after men clearly disinterested in them while purposefully harming other women. Like yeah, he's going to turn her down and tell about it to his gf because that's what guy's do and then everyone in their circle will know. I'm assuming she's a neet who's not socially knowledgeable because of how she seemed to mention only "online friends" aside from him, she's going to wreck a good friendships for nothing.

No. 255931

>>255835
Thanks for your reply anon. Unfortunately he's been on it a few years so I don't think the side effect will wear off, it seems to be getting worse as we got out of the habit of having sex and basically live like roommates now.
I think he's still atracted to me because sometimes when I initiate he gets excited and acts like he wants me, but most of the time during sex he's pushing rope and can barely finish. Most of the time he rejects me and says he's tired and let's try tomorrow.
I'm going to bring it up with him but I'm very wary because obviously this will be a huge blow to his ego and "manhood" or whatever. It was such a struggle to get him help because he sees taking meds for mental health as a personal weakness. This will just solidify that thought. But hopefully spur him to try something new.. It worries me. But I just can't imagine living the rest of my life having sex 5 times a year. Even though he's an amazing life partner.

No. 255933

>>255917
>i don't want to jeopardize him being a normal man for some unconventional sex stuff
He was calling himself shit like "little slut", he's porn addicted, high chances of trooning out

No. 255935

>>255917
As long as he's not picturing himself as a woman, you're okay.
I think the biggest sign of impending troondom is porn and WKing troons, so try to investigate how he feels about gender bs as a whole. If he's a TRA you've got a problem. But if he knows troons are delusional, even if he's got some subby sissy streak in him, he'll be aware it's just a kink and not let it ruin his life and yours.

No. 255944

>>255935
yeah we've talked about trannies and the whole gender bullshit. he very much agrees with me that they're all delusional. he's also not terminally online either. he doesn't use social media. so that makes me worry less i guess.

No. 255947

>>255340
ME TOO OH MY GOD. All men do this fucking annoying thing they tease you even though you don't like it. Like yesterday my bf was saying something over me every time I tried to answer his question, he was joking around but GOD it's annoying. All men do it. It's hard to describe, me and my ex gf "bullied" each other all the time too but it was different somehow.

No. 255959

>>255947
>All men do this fucking annoying thing they tease you even though you don't like it
Nope, you're just dating immature boys. Mine banters with his friends but knows to never act that way with me because I don't like it. If your boyfriend annoys and insults you on purpose, it's not because he's a man, he just doesn't respect you.

No. 255967

>>255917
>he told himself in his mind things like "yeah, you like that you little slut" and he said thinking of himself in that way felt feminine, thus embarrassing to him. because it's "something you tell a girl, not a guy."
Uhhh. Not really the point of your post but can you take a moment to realize how fucked up and sexist that is please and thanks.

No. 255973

>>255844
I know it's hurtful but doesn't it prove that he's dedicated to you fully if he had no problem cutting all contact with a person he was so physically close with immediately after you became official?

No. 255980

>>255967
I like being called things like that during sex, each to their own anon

No. 255981

>>255804
>>255931
OK update I asked him about it, as expected he got really disheartened about it and said he wanted to get off the meds completely again. I had to tell him to talk to his doctor because he obviously needs help of some kind. He begrudgingly agreed but he's clearly not convinced.
I'm so scared he's going to try wean himself off Effexor again without supervision. Last time I was genuinely worried he'd an hero.
I feel really selfish and shitty now.

No. 255982

>>255980
Ýou're missing the point.

No. 255984

>>255844
were the messages 2 months into you guys dating of a romantic/sexual nature? Or was i just casual conversation

No. 255985

>>255982
I agree with you anon, but unfortunately things like that are so normalized that people don't get what's wrong with it. Tons of women see nothing wrong with being called a whore, slut and other worse things during sex

No. 255986

>>255660
So, how did it go?

No. 255991

>>255986
She probably got rejected since she didn't come here to deliver the news.

No. 255996

>>255985
I call my bf that shit too, goes both ways

No. 256000

>>255996
Two wrongs don't make a right

No. 256017

>>255991
I did in fact get rejected. He doesn't think our friendship needs to be affected. In return, I will simply think of him as in the closet. Funnily enough my first boyfriend who was also my best friend was gay so that frame of thinking isn't as absurd to me. Overall, it was nice to have the reassurance and I can now fully focus on finding an available man compatible for me.

No. 256031

>>256017
i don't mean to be mean but this post is hilarious.

No. 256037

>>256031
It's fine to laugh, my life has gotten me into weird ass situations before. it's funny to think about.

No. 256058

>>256017
You really shouldn't stay friend with him as if nothing happened. Messed up. Would you want your future partner to be friends with a woman who has a crush on him?

No. 256062

Think I’m going to have to break up with my bpd bf. We’re about to hit a year and he still can’t just hold me while I cry. I still just spend the entire time I’m upset alone while he tells me he cares and he’s here. No the fuck you aren’t. I’ve tried to explain it and talk to him over and over again and I’m just heart broken at this point. I don’t know what to do.

No. 256068

>>255917
I never got this. So if he played with your nipples would he think you're a slut? The fuck?

No. 256069

File: 1649795772943.jpg (87.24 KB, 1807x125, fuc.jpg)

>>1035019
I posted in one of the vent threads couple months ago (my boomer ass cant figure out how to link it) tldr my bf doesnt make me feel wanted sexually often as I would like.
Today we were watchin breaking bad and theres a scene where hank is paraplegic and marie is out running countless errands for him and being a good wife and it shows hank at home getting ready to watch porn. My bf was like "oh hank" in a disappointed way and we started talking about it and basically I ended up asking him if he ever watched porn when I wasn't around. He said he had but he was very embarrassed and whined for us to stop talking about it. I was surprised, not because of the porn but because he has been acting like his sex drive is low because of depression lately. We used to have sex almost every day with logistics permitting, but we maybe do once every two weeks now. I am and have always been upfront about my sexuality and I try to stay humble and just ask him for sex and to pursue me (as easily as I can without feeling like he's only doin g it for my sake). I try to be respectful of his lower sex drive so when he said that maybe once a month since weve been living together, he looks at porn I was like wtf. I dont feel like every sexual experience one has should be for your partner. But if I am essentially begging to be included in his sex life I don't like that he used porn and hid it from me. I even pointed out I could have provided the visual he needed like if I had made nudes and videos for him. But he said he wasnt considering his porn use to be serious enough to do anything like that and said he understands why Im offended but I dont really think he does.

Also shout out to nonnie who said I would be asking for breakup advice in a few months lol
I didnt believe it then.
As we left things currently, he pleaded with me to stop talking about the porn thing because hes too embarrassed to endure talking about it with anyone so I gave it a rest. But I still want to ask him more about it. He has never mentioned using or liking any type of porn whatsoever so Im hella curious about what he even watches. Also before anyone comes at me, I do assume that almost all men look at porn and I know theyre all degenerates but the reason my bf surprised me is because I literally used to make porn and have been very open with him in the past with what kind of porn I admire, the porn I like when I did use to watch porn (havent in years now) the kind of porn I used to make, offered him nudes or vids soooo many times, and was generally nonjudgemental about the whole porn subject. But he acted as if he had no interest, no preference toward it. So his deep shame I guess is more of the surprise to me. Which is also why Im hella suspicious of what he likes to watch.
Advice 'nons?

No. 256070

>>256062
Yes, you should leave. I tried making it work for years with my BPD ex and I'm not even in the BPDfags are the devil camp (though I would have a right to be) but unless they're putting in major work as in going to therapy, DBT workbooks, continual reflection and communication, they just won't improve. Ever. Even then it takes a lot of time. I totally understand the desire to help him get better but he's not the only person in the relationship. You deserve someone who can do basic things like supporting you and showing kindness. And there are people with BPD who can do this, but clearly he isn't one of them. You gave him chances and he's blown them. Time to turn all that care towards yourself. I'm sorry. I truly understand how shitty and difficult the situation is, but in any relationship where someone has a disorder or mental illness they need to be going out of their way to keep it under control or they shouldn't be with someone at all. It's cruel to say you love someone but then knowingly keep them in a relationship where you aren't meeting their needs. Saying this as someone with issues myself.

No. 256074

>>255917
Other anons have already hit on this, but if you know your bf is against trans stuff then it's more than likely just basic misogyny he's absorbed from porn and society at large. Saying this as a more dominant woman, a lot of men are embarassed about acting submissive and to them that encompasses a ridiculous amount of things. Many really basic, like making noise during sex. It's why you get so many retards who are dead silent and claim its "girly" to moan, because that's all they see in porn: the woman monotonously yowling nonstop while the man noiselessly pumps away. You can even tell them you think it's hot but for guys like that it's more important to maintain their mental security as someone society deems manly than to please you. Not worth your time. Same with nipple stuff. You basically never see women playing with guys' tits (which is a shame) but you do see it in reverse all the time. It's totally fine to like your nips being played with, they're sensitive and it can be vaguely submissive since you're giving your partner access to a fragile area. But there's nothing inherently troonlike about it. What's more of an issue is that your bf sees being submissive as a degrading and female thing like >>255967 said. Submission does not make someone weak, it does not require being called a slut, nor does it require a vagina. It can be a lot of fun for both parties, but for men all they hear from childhood onwards is that they're supposed to be in charge. To them sex is more about control than shared pleasure. Can he eventually break that view? Maybe. Just know you, a single person, are working against a lifetime of indoctrination.

No. 256076

>>256070
Thank you Noni. Currently crying and coming to terms. I have my own issues and have worked very hard not to take out on my partner and communicate and he makes me feel the way I used to but I know I can communicate now. His words and actions don’t line up and I get he cares but you’re right. There’s two people and he’s not meeting my needs.

No. 256078

>>256017
You're so pathetic it's hilarious, kek. He'll of course tell you your friendship won't be affected when it actually will. I want to be nice to you but being on the other part of the situation and knowing girls like you who try their hardest to "steal someone's man", it's hard.
>>256058
>believing that anon could secure an actual partner with her current views
That's a you problem.

No. 256081

File: 1649798646857.png (161.04 KB, 233x271, 84903284739274.png)

>>256076
I know it sucks at first but you will get through this! I hated that weird contradiction of being in a relationship yet feeling more alone than ever since my partner wasn't showing up for me like I was for him. Once you push through the initial sadness you'll be so relieved you don't have that hanging over you anymore. I'm proud of you for doing what's best for you. There are better things to come.

No. 256101

>>256078
You're… weirdly intense about this anon and her story. Why? Did you have something similar happen?

No. 256105

>>255967
>>256068
you two are both twisting things. firstly, he doesn't see me as a slut because he has played with my nips. i never once said that in my original post. and when he said "that's something you tell a girl, not a guy" it was only in the context of sex and dirty talk. i was the one who told him to call me things like "slut" as dirty talk ONLY, not him. if you don't like it that's fine. everyone has different kinks but it's not like he goes around calling me a slut all the time outside of the bedroom. thought these things were pretty obvious.

>>256074
it's just kind of weird. because he clearly has no problem when i'm more dominant. he has explicitly said he likes it. we often switch back and forth and we both enjoy it. he also isn't afraid to whimper or make noises so i don't get why the nipple thing bothered him specifically. maybe it's just because it's all new to him. maybe he'll eventually get over it.

No. 256119

>>256105
Thinking kinks and the thoughts behind those kinks mean absolutely nothing is extremely naive.
>i was the one who told him to call me things like "slut" as dirty talk ONLY, not him.
So? I'm not judging you for enjoying it. Matter of fact is a man who would call a woman a slut (even if she's the one who asks) is indicative of him not respecting women. Now you're seeing his weird reaction to you playing with his nipples, as if it's slutty and humiliating to enjoy it because only women have their nipples played with (in his dumb moid mind) and being feminine is the most humiliating thing he can experience. He may not troon out, but he'll continue to show small signs of misogyny which is just as bad honestly.

No. 256123

>>256119
you lack reading comprehension and you're twisting things about the situation that are not true. he never said playing with nipples is slutty or humiliating or only done to women. the ONLY thing he was embarrassed about was calling himself a little slut in his mind. the issue is about the little slut thing. not the act of nipple play itself. this is why I barely ask for advice on this site because some of you are so entangled by muh misogyny you start making shit up. read my post again.

No. 256126

>>256123
I think its fine anon I have a friend and she literally drunk admitted to all of us at the bar that she sucks on her bfs nipples and he's one of our close friends and works in construction. He's a proper mans man but I guess just enjoys different sensations in the bedroom, doesn't seem like he'll troon out at all. My ex even loved his butthole played with, true I can understand how that might scare someone but many years later he seems like the same man I knew back then. Honestly I wouldn't worry about it anon, only start worrying about it if he starts asking to be dicked down constantly and starts watching gay shit online. The 'little slut' thing just seems like porn talk and bullshit he's been exposed to in porn in the past.

No. 256141

>>256123
maybe if no one can understand you it's because you can't fucking write. and your bf is a misogynist

No. 256144

File: 1649826517755.jpg (259.08 KB, 1105x1500, public school failed you.jpg)

>>256141
let me recommend you a book, retard.

No. 256149

>>256141
not everyone wants to be called 'ma'am' and 'dear' during fucking sex missionary anon calm down

No. 256152

>>256149
NTA but why would you want to be insulted by your own bf in the first place? Kind of sounds like low self-esteem..

No. 256156

>>256123
He's not going to troon out. Ignore anons that you feel like are baiting or continue to misunderstand.

No. 256173

>>256152
If my bf called me """slut""" while fucking I would simply kill him on the spot with my own two hands sorry for reposting farmhand, I'm retarded

No. 256174

>>256101
I wrote above and yes I did. I thought a girl was my friend and although I knew she liked the guy i was with, didn't think she'd make a move. Then he told me she sent him nudes and blocked her afterwards. I did see their messages and stuff and he always rejected her advances but she kept reaching out, he'd tell me about the stuff she did as she did, I felt so shitty because she ended our friendship over a guy who wasn't even into her to start with. She also blamed me afterwards and said they'd have been so good if I wasn't in the picture and got into his mind or something.

I've also had another friend attempt to steal another chronically ill girl's bf and when I told her it wasn't a good idea, she cut me out and painted me as the bad guy. Afterwards of course she saw I was right because he picked his gf over my friend.

It angers me when some women willingly fuck up other women's relationships and claim it's out of some pure love. Chasing after a dude who's not into you sad is sad enough on its own but it's even worse when he clearly loves another woman.

No. 256175

File: 1649848449360.jpg (9.67 KB, 275x266, 1649689467209.jpg)

Nonas I keep wanting to send a friendly meme to a recent ex (only dated for like three weeks) even though he sent me quite a nasty last message. I dumped him and he was upset. I genuinely think we'd make good friends because we were very romantically incompatible but had a load of same interests.
I know it's a bad idea but I keep ruminating over wanting to make contact for like a week now. Would it make me seem really desperate? I think his last message was more upset at a breakup than at me. I gave him almost three weeks of NC so he'd get over it.
I just feel really bad about it ending so shitty. He's younger so I'm not sure he's mature enough for it to end on good terms…
I know I shouldn't make any contact but I keep thinking about it all the time. I mean what's the worst that can happen? He can tell me to fuck off/not reply so nothing will change or we can be a bit friendlier… I can't really lose any dignity because we don't have any common friends or anything. Or maybe I'm just too lonely and should piyr this energy into finding someone else… What should I do?

No. 256176

>>256175
Unpopular opinion probably but I believe its not impossible to be friends with exes, not in this case though where he already shown he can be nasty to you. Pointless waste of time, better invest in finding better, new friends.

No. 256177

>>256149
Have fun with his escalating perversions. Hope he never starts getting the tingles for strangulation

No. 256178

>>256173
Insanely based take

No. 256179

>>256175
Leave it alone, it's not a friendship worth pursuing because they're will always been an imbalance of power. He will always be able to make you feel guilty over dumping him. Besides it's a meme, hardly something you absolutely must contact him about? You're thinking about him because of your guilt, and imaging how you can remedy that (let's be friends!! see I'm not a bitch!!) but it won't, you need to get over it and move on. You did nothing wrong, you dumped the moid for a reason. Make friends with people you haven't been emotionally, sexually and romantically intimate with.

No. 256180

Should I ask this guy out? The issue is that he is a TA for my class. He is the same age as me and we have similar interests. He knows who I am and we have had a couple awkward conversations. I think he likes me back because he will keep making eye contact with me. The problem is that I don't know when I should do it. Another problem is I don't have his personal contact information so I'd either have to ask him out over zoom office hours or over email.
The reason I am considering asking him out is because I feel like he wouldn't ask me out because he is a TA and wouldn't want to risk anything because of the power dynamic as he could get in trouble.
If I ask him out over email it would be after the semester is over and final grades are in. My reservations over this method are that it is cringe and he could just not check his email for a long time. I also think no response is worse than a no.
My reservations over asking him out during office hours are that it is over zoom and that is also pretty cringe. Also the fact that it would be before the semester is over.
I don't know what I should do or if I should do it. But I feel like if I don't I will regret it

No. 256185

File: 1649855701513.png (172.99 KB, 486x429, 1649357636408.png)

>>256179
>>256176
Thanks, I needed someone to tell me that.
I think it's because we texted constantly before and I am missing that now, coincidentally I have been mostly at home studying and playing vidya which made me feel lonely. But he was always acting 'playfully' shitty to me and I wouldn't wanna date him, shame we had unbelievably similar niche interests, I feel like it's such a waste. He really fucked it up with me. Hope I can stop ruminating over it soon or else I'm gonna go crazy.

No. 256190

>>256180
do not do this, and definitely do not use your university email to ask him out. it sucks, but unless you can do this in person it really is not worth the risk. even then, asking your TA out right after the semester is weird as hell (yes I've done it and I definitely regret it). your best bet is to wait til in-person things open up where you are and run into him at the campus pub or something but i'm sure there are other, more available guys who also share your interests around because men are by nature replaceable kek

No. 256203

i get so much secondhand embarrassment reading posts about women justifying their owns boyfriends calling them whores/sluts/etc during sex lol… imagine being such a pathetic low life that 1) you let anyone call you that 2) you let your own PARTNER call you that 3) you justify his terrible behaviour 4) you don't consider it terrible that it would even occur in his brain to call you words like that while you're having sex
jesus christ get some self esteem

No. 256221

>>256203
This. I want a man who would rather kill himself than insult me in any way, I get furious every time a scrote says shit like "cunt/slut/whore" so why the fuck would I want to hear that while making out? Women are inherently more valuable than 99% of the male population, men are the actual whores and should be treated as such

No. 256231

>>256203
It's just dirty talk, don't be such a bore. What else would you want? There's nothing exciting about being told all the things I already hear outside of sex, and it's better than him not saying anything.

No. 256236

>>256231
It's possible to dirty talk without degrading your partner.

No. 256237

>>256231
As long as there is a balance where he calls you a little slutty whore and in turn you call him a limp dicked pathetic bitch during sex, it's fair game. Actually, perhaps inventing new insults would spice up the bedroom.

No. 256238


No. 256239

>>256236
This
But also this >>256237
Someone please call their bf this during sex and report back.

No. 256243

>>256231
So instead of him telling how wet and sexy you are. How good you feel. How you guys fit together well. How the way you sound turns him on or anything that values you as person you think being called a degrading and dehumanizing name is the only dirty talk. Girl your boyfriends dick game and sex game is a joke.

No. 256245

>>256203
I agree. There are plenty of ways to dirty talk without calling your girlfriend names. Note how it's always one-sided too…when do you ever hear women call their boyfriends degrading names during sex if it's not femdom? It never happens, yet for some reason we're expected to be happy to be called sluts and whores.

>>256231
Your boyfriend must be terrible in bed if that's what he, and you, consider dirty talk. There's so many other things you can say that don't involve calling women the same shit we're insulted with every day. Stop calling people bores just because they want to be treat with respect during sex you weirdo.

No. 256251

This name-calling talk reminds me of when a guy called me a "fucking slut" mid-sex once (without us discussing whether I was comfortable with that or not) and I told him to not call me that and he laughed. I just stood up, got dressed and left.

No. 256254

>>256203
>>256243
>>256245
there's nothing that triggers the average lolcow user more than a woman with a preference that's outside their brand of feminisim. a woman can like one thing out of the ordinary conventional sex and all of a sudden she's a sex weirdo degenerate and her moid WILL abuse her. consent doesn't matter at all to you people. poor little meek women have no autonomy after all. keep your projections to yourselves. lmao

No. 256256

>>256251
Well done. What a scummy scrote.

No. 256257

>>256254
How about you stop promoting the beating and mistreatment of other women to fuel your self hatred enough to be objectified so you can feel sexy? Sucks for you that you have to only view your own sexuality through the twisted lens of your want to be wife beater, couldn’t be me. But then I have a double xx and more than two brain cells.

No. 256258

>>256254
I think there's an important distinction between "allowing" a man to do kinky shit to you and doing kinky shit because it arouses you. A lot of women get coerced into kink so its understandable that anons are concerned for women who may or may not actually enjoy being called a slut in bed.

No. 256263

>>256203
One of my exes used to call me a slut even though I'd only ever been with him. He'd been with more than 15 people. Hilarious looking back. Proud of myself for eventually telling him to stop even though at the time porn was normalized in my mind and supposedly liberating. As an adult now I see how degrading and repulsive it is. I can only roll my eyes at women (and men) like >>256254 who can't remotely fathom how sex couldn't be boring without being degraded and objectified. Porn has nothing to do with "sex positivity" because it is nothing like real sex should be. Mutual pleasure, bonding, fun, exploration. People like that don't understand how deeply satisfying "vanilla" sex can be, and I have done more unusual things outside of that, but without being treated like a cumsock. Definitely recommend.

No. 256267

>>256254
you know you just out yourself by posting shit like this, right?

I'm yet to have a legit answer as to why the fuck some women would want to be called misogynistic names in bed if not for the fact that:
1. they enjoy being called it because they've seen it in porn and think it's kinky or empowering, or
2. they let their boyfriend do it because they think he will consider her "boring and vanilla" otherwise

I fell into both those categories in my teens and I thought it was normal. It wasn't a "preference" it was years of being subtly taught you had to be the kinkiest, coolest most experimental girl around or your boyfriend would just end up fucking someone else. I'm not gonna call girls "degenerates" for doing it but I also think they should certainly reassess why they enjoy being called misogynistic shit we get called every day. It just doesn't make sense to me.

No. 256268

>>256254
>you people
>average lc user
Not this bullshit again.

No. 256270

>>256257
>I am an adult who consents to some name calling as dirty talk in the context of the bedroom only. I genuinely like it. I initiated it.
>average retard on here: so you're promoting beating women??? why do you hate yourself????

you need to be at least 18 to post here. lmao

>every woman that disagrees with me must actually be a moid

how feminist of you.

stay in school and get therapy. take your meds.

No. 256271

>>256267
out myself as what exactly? as a moid?? I don't care if you think I'm actually a moid cause I'm not. I'm still gonna post whatever I want.
I just like some name calling in bed because I just like it. that's it. but apparently that's not enough for a woman to be left alone with her own preference. you desperately want to find a deeper meaning that's not applicable in every situation regarding name calling in bed, because you need to project your own shitty experience. maybe the actual problem is that you shouldn't have been having sex as a teenager in the first place because you were too young to know what you actually wanted.

No. 256273

>>256271
Homie I’m going to level with you. If you accidentally use a cactus as a dildo I don’t care. If you want to let your shitty white trash dude piss on your face and call you a cum slut as you desperately lick his asshole for validation be my guest but not all of us are victim blaming porn sick retards.

No. 256275

>>256273
neither me or my bf are white. lmaooo you cannot stop projecting in order to actually have a conversation.

name calling as dirty talk does not equate to physical violence. get a better argument.

No. 256276

>>256273
KEK love you anon

No. 256277

>>256275
no one is calling it physical violence kek

No. 256281

>>256275
So he’s the stereotype of even more derooted misogyny where he’d rather join the white men and demean you then side with women. cool story tell me more

No. 256282

>>256281
I'm assuming you're a self hating white girl judging how you view the world as "sides". not one woc cares about your woke performance and it does nothing to help us. get help. lmao

No. 256283

>>256185
>>256175
Just how nasty did he get in the message?

I feel like something falling through after 3 weeks is just a failure to launch. It's a non thing, an alomst thing lol. I've been there, I was young and took it with my dignity intact because.. how much of a fuss can you make after a few weeks? Imo it says alot about someone if they're sending the same nasty break up texts that you'd get after a proper relationship ends when it wasn't really a relationship yet and was more of a 'failure to even get started' type of situation. Yeah I'd be wary of someone after that. At minimum it shows you emotional maturity and self restraint aren't his strengths right now. And those are 2 things that help when you're staying friends with an ex/almost ex.

No. 256288

File: 1649880275464.jpeg (196.84 KB, 1242x1233, C62C0A03-E9D6-40B8-9F3B-39351C…)


No. 256289

>>255981
Anon it's entirely reasonable to ask your partner to talk to their doc/prescriber about what options would help with sexual side effects. Docs do this all the time because meds having a significant effect on that area of life isn't considered something you have to just tolerate along with your long term partner riding it out permanently. Docs get that. You're not an asshole. His reaction to you bringing this up sounds more flippant than anything else. He might be sick but sick people act childish sometimes and this almost sounds like him trying to worry you by going to an extreme and talking about quitting full stop. He has to have known you werent requesting that.

Tbh it's concerning that your currently medicated partner is still so quick to react flippantly like that and to make you feel responsible for his feelings and then guilty for finally facing an ongoing issue he has to have known about. Is he unwell right now? Is he just throwing his weight around to make you feel bad and drop the topic?

Anyone with years of experience on meds like that (been there) knows that it's slow going when it comes to getting on meds or coming off them.. switching them is slow too. What you're asking for here is probably a switch or add-on but it's all slow and steady. Surely he would already know that? And it needs to be supervised, always. That all goes without saying. Threatening to just go off meds is a hell of a reaction to a perfectly reasonable request you made. That paired with you saying he's done similar in the past and you thought he'd kill himself.. anon is this a great life partner or any way for you to have to live?

No. 256290

>>256270
>>256275
Why do you keep mentioning beatings and violence, you're the only one bringing that up

No. 256291

>>256282
nta but if you think only white people view the world in terms of "sides," then you are fully retarded

No. 256298

>>256288
I really don't care if im getting "kink shamed" I just don't like it when people project their own experiences and biases on to me. and act like they know what's best for me.

>>256290
I'm literally getting accused of promoting violence. I'm not the one who brought it up. of course I'm gonna defend myself when I'm getting words put in my mouth. can none of you actually read?

this is why I can't fuck with white feminists. you make everything about yourselves and want to think for all women. you bring up your own race at any chance when it doesn't involve it because your self hate is that bad. you're all fucking retarded.

No. 256299

>>255844
If he lied to you about the timeline of him and hs ex then I'd consider that enough to call it quits. If the messages 2 months in were still flirty or sexual, same thing.

What made you snoop? Did you have a have a bad feeling?

No. 256300

>>256298
My friend you keep screaming about whites now so who’s projecting? This is anon board. You need to take your meds and chill. If you were this solid in it and your relationship you would have fucked off by now.

No. 256301

>>256298
not every single person you're responding to is white lol

No. 256307

>>256254
>>256231
imagine something going this terribly wrong in your sexuality that you think people are "boring" for being weirded out by getting verbally degraded during sex lol… i couldn't imagine being so mentally ill

No. 256313

>>256300
so I can be practically gaslit about promoting violence but I can't point out someone sounds like a self hating white when it was THEM who brought up race out of left field? lmao k. take your own advice. you don't need meds, you need an entire institution. lmao
I'll post whatever I want. I'm bored at work and it's a slow day. if you don't like what I'm saying, you can be the one to fuck off.

>>256307
the post about being a bore isn't mine. I actually think it's fine if ppl don't like it and it doesn't make anyone anything. we all have our own reasons for our preferences. wish I got the same treatment. but that's fine. was fun arguing with yall even though half of you suck at it.

No. 256314

>>255935
Yeah that reminds me of my online ex. It all started with him having a kink of being fucked with a dildo which led him to want to be fucked by a woman with a strap-on. He then started to wear his mom's panties because he liked the feeling of it and he wanted to wear my outfits/buy him cute dresses to "fuck him in". He did try to experiment with a guy before but he didn't enjoy it, he's probably bisexual tho.

No. 256333

>>256313
>gaslit
When you sound like this much of a twitterfag it time to stop

No. 256336

>>256313
Are you calling him used up community dick who's been rode hard and put away wet in bed or is he getting all the fun?

No. 256349

This debate ought to end already or we're in for another week of who's right tennis.

No. 256399

I got broken up with about a month ago. I've actually been doing pretty great just working and taking care of myself. I went on a tinder date for the first time in 2 years and had a blast. We texted for almost a week and he told me good morning everyday and to send him just normal cute pics of me while I was at work. We even video chatted prior to meeting and he was funny and super chill. The date was a lot of fun and he was really respectful. We hooked up and he had a huge dick which was new to me but the sex was great. It's been about a week since we met and we've texted a bit here and there but he's not as responsive as usual and doesn't say good morning anymore. I had some downtime at work the other day and messaged him if he still wanted to cook for me sometime like he said. He said yes and if drinks were on me again. I said sure and then he asked me if I can help him find a part time job. I said I'll look around and he said thanks and then called me hot. He hasn't said shit since. Am I trippin or are these red flags? Like I am very confused. Wtf is happening? I just wanted a hook up and now i feel like a temp agent. Still wanna fuck him again though…

No. 256400

>>256399
So he was only being so nice to get in your pants. So typical. And now he's being distant and low effort after you guys had sex. Girl, don't fuck him again.

No. 256406

>>256399
Never sleep with them on first five or so dates. I learnt the hard way, the Madonna/whore shit runs deep in men.

No. 256412

>>256411
Technically you're not in relationship with this guy, if you have so much anxiety about it (and frankly, from February to now it's been a while so it's time), you really should have a conversation about your relationship status though. Free access to his phone is already a very good sign, and, as you say he talks to you very often and you can see he's not very active on whatsapp meaning whoever that person is, he's not messaging her much. For all you know, this could be a family member, or a coworker, or just a colleague from the past. As of now, there are no big reasons to worry; don't be afraid to be straightforward with him and just ask about things that make you concerned, as long as you're not accusing him of anything,; any decent person would reassure you it's ok, not get angry.

No. 256442

>>256412
Honestly, I don't have the guts to ask him. I did ask him 3 dates in and he said that it was too early. I'm just telling myself that the fact that he hasn't brought it up yet means it's a no. Like why would a guy that likes someone let that person be "on the market" so to speak? Idk, feels like if I was another woman he'd jump on the opportunity. Feels like I'm just a placeholder or something. I saw his instagram and he follows women that look nothing like me. His ex looks like these women too, type-wise. I've never been in a relationship before so I have no idea what's going on. Is there another way to find out without directly asking?

No. 256445

>>256442
No anon, being proactive and communicating clearly is the best course of action in any relationship, romantic or not; sneaking behind someone's back, assuming things and waiting until something happens or not is a recipe for disaster. Let's say he actually is not interested: do you prefer to know this now or in few months when you'll become even more invested?
As it comes to "type", I know it can be upsetting but people have various types they like. It woudln't be out of ordinary at all for him to be really attracted to you even if he's shown interest in different looking women before.

No. 256523

My boyfriend has always been very nerd adjacent as his friends are all into IT and shit but he for the most part is just a regular old working electrician… But he's not completely oblivious to e-culture etc. and lately for the first time ever he has been playing video games with people online and more specifically he has been playing final fantasy online with a GIRL he met playing Overwatch. I don't play video games and he has asked me to before. They only play like 2 times a week or whatever and I'm sure it's innocuous but this is really terrifying me as I feel like it is inevitably going to turn into some kind of online cheating/attraction thing I just know it. Do I even say anything as technically right now he has literally done nothing wrong but I just feel like we all know where this shit leads especially in 2022.

No. 256527

>>256523
Do you know anything about her nona? Both of those games are popular with women. I don't know anything about your boyfriend or his intentions to gauge whether your reaction is appropriate or not, but you should find out if she has a boyfriend or husband. I'd say the chances are like 50/50 that any random player he meets on those games would be women so the fact that he's befriended a girl from those games isn't alarming in and of itself. I would be more concerned if he felt a need to privatize this relationship from you or ignored your needs and wants to spend time with this woman instead just because she plays games. If you really believe he's going to cheat you should just dump him and not wait for it to happen. At some point your moid will interact with women and if you can't trust him to not make it sexual or romantic then your moid is probably trash tbh.

No. 256535

So my libido is currently almost zero and it's really fucking up my relationship. My bf has a very high sex drive, and ends up trying to initiate sex at least once or twice a day. We usually have sex about once a week. He definitely doesn't try to force me (I tried to force myself one time, he could tell and it did not go well)
I am working on fixing my mental issues and trying to get a normal libido back, but in the meantime we are living in an r/deadbedrooms post where interactions are awkward because he doesn't want to get horny and rejected, I'm feeling guilty for hurting him and worsening my mental state, and I can feel the strain I'm causing. I definitely can't "fake it till I make it" either… Any ways to actually raise my libido? Because even though he's the most patient and understanding moid I've ever dated it's the only way to save the relationship at this point

No. 256549

>>256527
He has basically never made me feel insecure or come even remotely close to flirting with other women, let alone doing anything more. But that's because he has no female friends or acquaintances he maintains except for being polite with some of the girls he works with. Which is kind of why I'm really worried. I liked it that way and I feel like that's way it should be. Men and women are supposed to have sex which is why they enter into relationships - so they can do that. I really have a hard time imagining ongoing friendships between men and women that exist independently of like a couples/group circle setting.

I have no desire to befriend any men whatsoever and that has always been true for him as well (for women), so this is really unusual. I have asked him about her but he said he has no idea about her at all like her personal life or whatsoever and said they pretty much have a temporal relationship that is based exclusively on when they are playing final fantasy so just talking about the game or other random shit blah blah. And I believe him too… it's just that obviously sounds like fun, they're just shooting the shit and getting along and between men and women I really honestly feel that can only evolve into one thing.

No. 256551

>>256549
I really don't know how to respond to this but this whole
>Men and women are supposed to have sex which is why they get into relationships
I mean I'm all for it if you only want to be friends with women and you're certainly within your right to set boundaries with your partner. But this is not some all encompassing fundamental truth about male-female relationships. Again I don't wanna cape for him because I really don't know if that's how he is but it's definitely possible for friendships to exist between men and women with no sexual attraction to ever develop whatsoever. Some people just enjoy the company of people with the same hobbies and don't care about the other person's sex because they're repulsed by them anyway and/or are monogamous. And I hardly think that sex is all that coupling is about. At any rate my advice for you would be to just set this boundary for your relationship because it's not like I'm going to change your worldview nor do I particularly want to. Because at the end of the day your relationship should go according to your terms. If you're not comfortable with him having female friendships, tell him he needs to call it off. If it's not a big deal as he says then he should have no trouble giving it up and having only male friends.

No. 256555

>>256314
Sounds like a faggot
>>256411
You're over reacting, chill out. If he had shit to hide from you on his phone he wouldn't just hand you his phone.
>>256399
>Am I trippin or are these red flags?

Yes
>>256523
Dude's not cheating on you with video game bitch.
>>256549
>Men and women are supposed to have sex which is why they enter into relationships - so they can do that.

That's retarded.

>I really have a hard time imagining ongoing friendships between men and women that exist independently of like a couples/group circle setting.


Yes this is possible.

No. 256558

File: 1650001773113.jpg (11.08 KB, 248x249, bb821.jpg)

>>256555
Checked

No. 256560

>>256535
Why do you have no sex drive? Did you have a higher drive at some point? None of us can really say what will fix this for you without knowing what caused it in the first place. But neither you nor he should stay in a relationship where your libidos are so mismatched. Still, 1-2x a day is a lot. Studies show the average adult couple has sex once a week, so you are normal and he is kind of a nympho. Very few couples have sex that often past the initial few months of a relationship, if only because they have actual responsibilities and shit to do other than banging all day. Why is it on you to get in the mood more often instead of him just jacking off and more fully appreciating the times he can actually be with you?

No. 256579

>>256399
> hooked up
> he's not as responsive as usual and doesn't say good morning anymore
>He said yes and if drinks were on me again
I feel like you're rebounding and settling for less here because of that. He got easy sex, he now even expects you to pay for the alcohol when you go back to give him easy sex again. That's kind of a bad deal. Imo this is some no-strings shit and by no means dating. If the dick is big and worth it and you're happy to do that.. I'd at least argue that you being expected to supply the alcohol is still him taking the piss. He's getting a good deal and still testing you by wanting you to pay for shit. Oh and he can do his own job search.

No. 256582

>>256442
>>256411
>Like why would a guy that likes someone let that person be "on the market" so to speak
I feel like this might explain why
>I'm introverted and I hate confrontation
I'm introverted to an extent that's kinda isolating, like you I often can't do phone calls either. ime guys tend to feel pretty fucking comfy in the fact that you won't exactly run off with someone else while you're like that. It puts no pressure on them to make up their minds and it leaves you in a shit situation if they're obviously more outgoing and you're stuck worrying about that. It's good that you haven't slept with him yet. Don't sleep with him while this is still up in the air and uncertain.

It's one of those situations where even if you arent typically assertive or one to confront people… you need to channel that evergy every now and then to get answers for yourself. Pick your moments and get vocal. He needs to see that while you're quiet by nature you're also capable of confronting an issue if he starts messing you around or dragging this out.

No. 256586

has anyone ever been in a situation where you feel like your partner loves you more than you love them

No. 256587

>>256586
I felt like that in both of my relationships BUT it was because love for me is a slow thing that builds whereas they felt it very quickly. Tbh in time things reversed, my love built and theirs dwindled with me being dumped both times. I'd love to feel an equal match sometime.

How long are you together though? What does your 'graph of love level' look like overall? Did it start out high and fall or

No. 256591

>>256445
>>256582
You guys are right. I met him today and I could not for the life of me get the words out. It got awkward when we were in his car. I made a joke about how his car is the love of his life, and he laughed and put on some country song about a guy falling for a woman He kept being affectionate (we do kiss and cuddle) and we had coffee together and he kissed me in front of people. I also saw him use his phone and Tinder is no longer on his phone. I will definitely have to ask next time we meet as you guys have explained. Thanks for the advice nonnas.
>>256582
I told him pretty early on that I wasn't seeing any more guys other than him.

No. 256608

>>256586
How do you discern that?

No. 256626

I want to do something sweet and sappy for my boyfriend. Any ideas? He doesn't like stuff like cologne in case you are going the traditional romantic route.

No. 256629

>>256626
picnic in the park or on the beach on a nice sunny day?

No. 256640

>>256586
Usually in the beginning that's how I felt, mainly due to me trying not to overstep my boundaries.

No. 256711

Help me. I’m not exactly in a relationship with this guy but we would talk loads and had met up where we were intimate but still spoke afterwards for about a week but now he’s decided because it’s Ramadan he’s going to be a “good boy” (eyeroll) so our messages decreased. He messaged me to apologise for the late reply on Sunday and asked how I was but then didn’t read my response, hes still online a lot and tonight I looked and his snapchat score (lol) is going up and up. I want to just message him forget it bye and then block him or am I being crazy? I thought at first maybe he feels he can’t control himself talking with me so has decided to distance himself during ramadan but now I just think that’s an excuse he’s made so he can ghost me. Should I cut him off? Wait? What do I do?

No. 256714

>>256711
why would he decrease talking to you during ramadan lol… is it haram to talk to women? LMAO

No. 256716

>>256714
YES lmfao unless married it’s against their religion and especially bad during ramadan. It’s dumb because basically they are trying to trick god for a month then go back to their “sinful” lives after. Whilst google agrees this may be the case my gut is telling me that it’s just convenient timing.

No. 256717

>>256711
>>256716
It sounds like he didn’t have a problem being intimate with you before (pretty sure that’s a big no-no) but now that it suits him to adhere to his religion, he’s willing to drop you like a bad habit. That’s pretty damn hypocritical already and telling of his priorities. People like that tend to think they themselves are above the rules while holding everyone else to an impossible standard. I would just stop talking to him, nothing irks me more than religious hypocrisy.

No. 256718

>>256717
He’s definitely a hypocrite and I agree with you, considering he was mentioning about waiting to see me after ramadan for more haram hanky panky like if god existed that’s ok and god wouldn't know he’s planning future sins. To be honest that should be telling of his character, a deceitful sneaky prawn who if willing to do that to his powerful god then there is no chance in hell he will be any different with me. It’s so hard to just ghost because I always feel the need to give a dramatic exit, is it a bad idea to text bye?

No. 256720

>>256718
Block him without a word, he doesn't deserve your energy. He WILL reach out to you again begging for another chance at coochie, don't give it to him. Consider it a silver lining that he showed his true values before you guys got serious. Many muslim men will fool around with non-muslim women for years and then drop them to marry a muslim woman.

No. 256721

>>256718
I live around muslims and these types are the most annoying. Like, girl, are you okay with him just abandoning you a whole month every year? Just say you don't think it will work out like this.

No. 256723

>>256711
>>256718
Ah man anon, I just ended something recently with a Muslim guy (for this and general stuff. Looking past religion wasn't worth it for the general incompatibility). Was just thinking today what >>256721 said about no kisses for a month out of the year. Religion has never existed in my life so it's just nonsensical to adhere to it needlessly. Since it was integral to his life he saw it as no big deal, but to an outsider it's a culture shock for sure.

Good luck ending things. Sorry it's like this, it definitely sucks.
It's not even Islamophobia since continuing to engage with them is what actually goes against their beliefs. You can maybe say you want to be respectful of him. Or just be mean lmao it's on you.

No. 256733

>>256718
I agree with the other anon, you don’t owe him any energy. I would just block him without a word. You’ve already tried to talk to him and he hasn’t replied (or has barely replied). He’s not your boyfriend or anything. Even if you tell him you don’t like being ignored because he suddenly wants to act all pious, a guy who is really into you wouldn’t do that to begin with. It’s more likely he would just act indignant and accuse you of not understanding his religion or some shit. Just not worth it. Someone who really likes you doesn’t give mixed signals.

No. 256740

>>256733
>>256723
>>256721
>>256720
Thank you, I’m just trying to psyche myself up to do the block on everything — Like telling myself in all honesty we aren’t very compatible.

I agree there is a culture shock, he “moved back in” with his parents. I suggested maybe staying over one time in the future and he said “oh I don’t know what excuse I will be able to make to my parents” then it was after midnight he saw the time and panicked he needed to drive home because it was late and heaven forbid his parents ask where he’s been. He’s 27 years old but it felt like I was grooming a minor. He also asked me to not smoke or drink in my own home too whilst he was around but sitting on his face however was the only haram he would tolerate. I think now I’m just going to avoid dating men who claim to be muslim, a decent muslim man by their own standards would already be settled down and married not on dating apps and having inappropriate relations etc, by his own beliefs he is morally bankrupt. Wish me luck

No. 256741

>>256711
He's seeing you like a free whore like how all muslim men see women that sleep with them. For future stuff, any anons reading this should NEVER EVER sleep with muslim men before marriage. Tell him you're a virgin, doesn't matter if it's a lie, only then he will treat you like a human being and even like a princess but when you sleep with him, it's over.
I feel bad for all the women who went through this but to be fair, being a westerner and deciding to date a misogynistic Muslim man and allow him to use you means you did kind of deserve it. What were you hoping? These guys all have muslim gfs that don't sleep with them so they fool around with other girls.

No. 256747

>>256740
He's such a typical muslim fuckboy, I can see his mommy folding his clothes and doing his laundry right in front of me. These dudes are better off dating other muslims, because they sort of 'get it'. And you deserve better than this manbaby.

No. 256750

File: 1650101477987.png (97.41 KB, 644x942, 5DDDD625-7E89-4143-93B2-BFAA38…)

>>256741
With all due respect he come across as a westernised e-boy initially, I didn’t realise he would go full jihadkebab on me. I was a bit iffy about him being a muslim but thought to myself would I prefer a respectful (top kek) man who may go mosque on a Friday or a man who is out drinking on a Friday hooking up with girls ~insert clown emoji~ feel free to laugh at me. Whilst I agree with your point, my naive considerations deserve some pity. If western men weren’t scummy cumbrain disappointments too this probably could have been prevented.

>>256747
That’s the catch though isn’t it, they can’t date other muslims without marrying. They need a harem of western whores and a virgin wife Khadijah to settle with.

No. 256752

>>256750
>they can’t date other muslims without marrying
Lol, they do? I know many of these dudes (sadly) and they date and have sex with muslim girls too. I meant they'd get it because they have the same type of parents. Though they always carry a reputation with them, kek.

No. 256753

>>256747
>these men should be dating other muslims
They're already fucking over, beating and killing Muslim women. Way worse than what they do to western women but since you probably don't care about brown women, you'd think they deserve it for simply being born muslim.
>>256750
Anon I'm not blaming you but you should research people's culture and beliefs better the next time. You would've seen girls post similar experiences with Muslim men if you bothered to look it up which I do understand you might not have thought was that big of a deal sincere you've never had a similar experience but nevertheless, muslim men are known to be misogynistic and twofaced like most men from underdeveloped extremist countries.
I'm mad that these men get to play two women at once, imo no woman should give them time of their day because those men really are worthless.
I hope you'll meet someone who who will actually value you and treat you the way you deserve to be treated.

No. 256755

>>256750
In my experience religious men will see you as worthless if you sleep with them while dating. They aren't 'good' or more calm and gentlemanly, they are even worse than progressive atheist coomers, at least that's how it was for me. Religious men are sexist assholes who don't even try to hide or are ashamed of their sexism like non-religious men trying to date you tend to be. They will always be self-righteous about (especially non-virgin) women being inferior because they think that's God's word and it's inherently true.

No. 256759

>>256753
>since you probably don't care about brown women, you'd think they deserve it for simply being born muslim.
Nta but that's clearly not what anon meant. Nice purposely reading into something for the sake of getting mad

No. 256760

File: 1650105214987.webm (1.24 MB, 720x1280, mp4.webm)

>>256753
I literally am a brown (ex)muslim woman living in a muslim country. It's a meme here where couples like, block each other on social media and stuff during ramadan, it's very stupid but it's a thing.

No. 256761

>>256760
Where are you from? I'm turkish and never heard of that.
>>256755
This. The key is to never sleep with them. They all have a madonna whore complex.