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No. 230322

Vent your heart out, give and receive relationship advice from fellow farmers.

Previous threads:

No. 230329

Has any of you dealt with "casual relationship turned to love" kind of thing? It's a trope I find really sweet and romantic in fiction but having something like that happening to me IRL I can't help but feel really insecure about relationship's beginning. Even though neither of us has been seeing other people, it was an option for a few first months before we talked about commitment, and even though it's been a while ago and nothing bad happened it keeps weighting on me, like, why didn't you 100% want me from the beginning? Is it completely irrational, do you think I can get over it? If you had similar experience, was it a problem to you?

No. 230338

i'm in the exact same boat and i've wanted to ask this question too and have no idea how to frame it. I was an alcoholic while I was dating my bf and our first year and even going into second year I was awful. I was drinking behind his back, I was yelling at him so much and fighting with him. I even became a bit physical when I was drunk (throwing things, pushing him). However I got help, and we even went through a major surgery that I had together. We're completely different people now and are much happier, we live together, we have a good routine, I still exhibit anger issues but I now deal with them differently. I have no idea how he's still with me and I feel as though I've left such a sour taste about me in his mouth. I can't get over my behaviour in the past and we want to have a family one day but I fear that deep down he had a disgust/resentment towards me. I keep teaching myself to trust him and trust that he loves me but I feel so guilty all the time.

No. 230341

Some opinions on this situation please.

I won't go into a backstory, but I asked my boyfriend if the things this girl told me about him 2 years ago were true. Things like saying he just wanted a FWB and to casually date when asked about me. Instead of giving a real response he said no at first, and then changed it to "I don't remember and it doesn't matter anymore." After that he REFUSED to talk about it further.

Who is in the wrong here? I got upset with him for refusing to talk about it because if she is lying, then as his best friend shouldn't she be held accountable for that? And if she isn't lying, he should apologize for saying those things about me and offer some sort of reassurance and comfort.

No. 230342

I think I'd be the first person to get paranoid over that but then what if he really doesn't remember for sure a remark he made 2 years ago? What was your situation at the time, were you really FWB or, from your perspective, it was already an exclusive relationship? If the former, as much as you may feel inclined to dig into this, you should probably let go. As for reassurance and comfort though, even if you'd imagine this entire situation, as a loving partner he should still be there to reassure you, so I'm with you on that.

No. 230346

Me and my SO met 15 years ago in high school and while we did have a fling here and there we didn’t get serious till a year ago. Both of us had serious long term relationships in between. I guess it just finally clicked -which i’m willing to think is the case for your partner as well, an aha moment, u know?

No. 230348

It can happen, but the chance is minimal and rare. I think if you don't really put pressure on it, the casual relationship has time to grow and bloom but only with the right kind of people.

No. 230352

Never FWB. We dated for about a month before he decided to commit to being in a relationship, but the whole idea of being casual was never brought up to me and it was just something I heard from her. I was willing to let it go if he was a bit nicer about it, but since he was so cold and heartless it just sort of.. Made it worse?

No. 230389

I just need to know if I'm crazy anons, did I read too much into this?

A little over a month ago, a guy at my work on an adjacent team started talking to me over our work messenger. He initiated every conversation, sometimes I wouldn't respond, etc, but he would still message me here and there and soon I was replying more and more and we became sorta pals. Then he added me on social media and we talked even more, soon it was everyday. All through work, literally from 8am until maybe 11 or 12 at night. During this time we'd never met in person since we're WFH.

Sometimes we'd sort of psedou-flirt? Maybe not with each other entirely, but we'd have some sort of goofy NSFW conversations and jokes. He'd also just ask me about myself, my hobbies, my feelings, my day, anything. I really started to develop a huge crush on him anons, and it felt like we were both excited to meet.

This past week we finally both started working in person and sit next to each other, and it feels like immediately we talk less. We talk in person and joke sometimes, and have done some little dumb flirty?? stuff like kick each others feet under our desk, or one day we walked to get our lunches together, but I miss talking to him every day. I immediately can't tell anymore if he's interested or not, it feels so different and I feel like I'm getting mixed messages.

Like, this morning he almost immediately messaged me to have a nice day (remembering that I was working a rare Saturday) but then never replied after I messaged back?

I can't relax when I'm around him in the office, he makes me so nervous and I think half of it is just because I can't tell if we're just friends and he's just an actually nice guy, or if he was/is interested? I have no idea how to just fucking be cool around him and I already feel stupid for letting myself develop feelings for him, and that I thought that he might've returned them. I can't tell if I already ruined things by acting like some nervous asshole in person, or if maybe I let him down when he saw me. I can't tell if I should fess up and just be honest with him, or let things play out? I have no idea how to act anons.

I'm only used to developing feelings for guys who like, I meet on some dating app and we already know the purpose of us talking, so we don't need to fuck around feeling each other out. I'm not used to someone actually developing a friendship with me and I'm too stupid to tell if it's because he likes/liked me, or maybe he's just genuinely a nice guy who wants friends. Either way I just feel so stupid and embarrassed that I let myself get attached to this guy and let him into my routine. Did I read something wrong? Do I tell him how I felt and possibly make things miserable and awkward at work when he tells me I misinterpreted everything?

No. 230395

Generally speaking, if a guy is really interested, I don’t think you would feel like there are mixed signals. You’ve already talked to him a lot and seemingly flirted back a bit, there’s no reason he would cool off now that you’re meeting in person except for lack of interest. It usually means they’re talking to someone else they like more. I know a lot of people say that men are dense and don’t know when you like them, but it’s not usually true imo, especially if you’ve been talking a lot as friends and seemingly flirted back. I think you should treat him like any other coworker, stay friendly of course, but remember he’s just a regular dude with flaws and don’t idealize him too much.

No. 230416

Oh no anon… It's definitely a bad sign then. Knowing what you've said in your previous post - that the girl who told you that he said you're FWB/casual is his friend, it seems like it's a very likely scenario that despite being his friend she was concerned for you potentially being in the dark about how he views your relationship at the time. Of course there's always a possibility that she was trying to mess things up between you two but did she ever do anything else that would confirm that? Not to mention your boyfriend's reaction now is worrisome.
Ultimately, this is still a thing in the past. If currently everything is fine between you two and you don't have any other complains otherwise, maybe you can let this be and not probe any further, since it has no direct influence on your life right now. But it may be that it will weight on you too much to continue. There's no straightforward answer and I'm not a person to immediately suggests breakups for every relationship issue, hardly anyone is ever perfect and feelings change. You'll need to trust your gut here. Even if the thing is in the past and trying to have your boyfriend shed more light on it may be futile, you should still let him know how it makes you feel and what kind of support from him is needed right now.

No. 230476

Honestly I just decided to take a break from the relationship for the time being. Not because of the fact he's potentially lying, but because of the way he talks down and belittles me. I just can't stand it anymore and I don't feel like we have any future together until he can mature and handle problems effectively.

No. 230542

Idk if this is the proper thread to ask but I was wondering how long it took some of you to get over an ex?
Mine has been going on 3 years now and we broke up months before the pandemic started so I’m sure like others were finally getting their life and shit together and then everything happened and so I felt like I never got to truly heal and cope
Also my therapist wasn’t the most helpful tbh she ended up graduating me from her services after like a few months and I felt like nothing was solved
So idk I just find myself even more sad than usual lately and I find myself missing them more and more
It’s sad really

No. 230543

My question is are there any guys who don't play games when texting? Is it possible to get together with someone without having to time your messages and seem only the right amount of interested?
I often see anons telling people not to start a relationship with games but holy shit every man starts out interested and than it fizzles out when I start liking them and text them similarly and plan a meet up (after they planned it like three or four times before me). The guys that I'm not interested in and don't put any care into texting are obsessed and keep on trying so much to get with me.
Did any of you get with your bfs without having to play cold?

It took me around 9 months after an almost 3 year relationship.

No. 230545

For me it never took that long because after my previous relationships I realized that my ex partners were absolute assholes (+ the relationships weren't that long and I never lived together with anyone). It might take you longer BECAUSE of the pandemic maybe? It makes most people feel more lonely so it's only natural to be missing an ex/… even more right now.
Take your time, it's different for everyone

Now I need an advice. Yesterday while tidying up at my bf's house (we don't live together yet) I found a box with a woman's underwear, presumably from his ex (I know for sure that he can't be having an affair tho). Now idk what to do. As this house is extremely messy (elderly relatives collecting stuff in every room) I'd give him the benefit of the doubt cause I often find old stuff he or his relatives don't even remember, and I've been using an old shirt of his ex as a cleaning rag as well.
But panties are another story. Should I talk to him about it right now or when I'm home again? Also thought about putting a note inside the box to see wether he actually looks at it but idk.

No. 230546

Thank you nona! That’s very sweet and reassuring to hear so thank you for cheering me up ! We spent almost everyday together for almost two years with plans to move in and the breakup was done over text so I never got the closure I thought we deserved to have, especially since I thought we were adults about stuff lol

That said, oh no nona I’m sorry to hear that, do you mind me asking how you felt when you saw that?
Also how is your communication with your partner? Like do you think they’ll be okay to have a conversation about it?
It could be they might have forgotten about it but also holding onto something like that, I can totally understand you feeling some type of way about it.
Honestly I would talk about it but try to find a way to approach it so it can be like a calm discussion.
How are you feeling though? Would you be okay talking about it right away or do you need time to gather your thoughts about it ?

No. 230548

You should take a picture of the underwear as it is inside the box right now.
If you come back later and find that the underwear has been moved or rearranged compared to the pic then you know he's been looking at it or whatever he's doing. I wouldn't put a note personally, it's too obvious.
It could very well just be old underwear that someone forgot to move but it's also not absurd that he might have kept it on purpose.

No. 230557

Any other nonas find themselves sort of "repulsed" by their partners during certain times of the month? Just 2 weeks ago I couldn't pry myself off him and now it's like I don't want to be around him and the thought of anything sexual just doesn't do anything for me. I don't experience it every single month but enough to know that it seems to happen in the second half of the cycle, post-ovulation but pre-period if that makes sense.
I'm wondering if it's worth getting a hormone test done but every time I've tried to speak to a doctor about my hormones they've either tried to put me on birth control (which I literally can't take as I have a condition that makes it dangerous for me) or they just shrug it off and act like this is normal.

No. 230570

I'm pretty sure this is normal and has to do with fluctuating hormone levels during the cycle

No. 230571

I'm pretty sure this is normal and has to do with fluctuating hormone levels during the cycle

No. 230579

Thanks anons
I felt like absolute shit lol although I still don't knos if he kept them on purpose or not. Took a picture now and will think about it until tomorrow whether I'll confront him now or (in case it's necessary) next time I'm here. Depends on how I sleep tonight, I'm bad at keeping quiet about stuff like this tho.

No. 230667

I have a really nice boyfriend but I'm so insecure about the things he likes sexually that I don't care for. He doesn't want me to do anything I don't like and he doesn't pressure me. But it bothers me so much. I feel like he'd rather be with someone else. I don't like saying "Daddy" in a sexual connotation because of my past, and it grosses me out he would like that (however, he says he does not want me calling him that because I'm uncomfortable with it). He also likes stuff like cat ears and tails and that's not something I'm opposed to, but it feels so goofy to me. I feel so limp and boring sexually. I'm just a person that needs it a lot. It makes me insecure that as vanilla overall as my boyfriend is, it's still something I have to deal with. He doesn't really care for cute lingerie, which I had a lot of before I met him and I still like. I just feel so bored and pathetic sexually. My other problem is that I'm so sensitive, like 1 "weird' thing I like is the tops of my feet touches, but I cannot handle my toes or any other part of my feet being touched because it's too much stimulation. It's the same thing with being eaten out, I can't stand it and I've never liked it. Him grazing his finger tip near that area is enough to cause a kneejerk reaction from me. I pretty much only like piv and the humiliation of being boring is getting to me. I feel fucking lame. I don't know how to get rid of this complex. It doesn't help that my vagina rips up his penis because it clenches. I am a wreck sexually and idk how to fix it. The drive is there, and if anything I'm demanding of him in that respect, but I'm boring

No. 230669

girl run before he troons out, or worse…

No. 230670

I doubt that. He is very sweet and considerate and he doesn't push what he likes on me. I am being a pickme and I feel terrible for not aligning with him. I would like a boring person to have sex with who makes me feel desired. I don't know how to talk about this to him, like it makes me feel guilty I find his tolerable kinks cringe or meh, and his intolerable ones are too much for me.

No. 230675

File: 1644871873464.jpg (13.52 KB, 246x231, 1414459472484.jpg)

It's almost been 2,5 years now, the same time we were together. I do not honestly know if I ever get over her. I already have a new relationship, but I still dream about her multiple times a week. Still hursts like a bitch. I have been trying to accept I will never get her back or see her again, sometimes it works, most times not.

My first boyfriend had a bag like that. It was full of his mothers underwear he stole, and dressed up in. He also said he used to borrow his mothers dildo as a teen. We had huge fights, he promised he quits but never did (not really fair of me to demand that either but I was 16-17). I found them again and again, and selfies of him in a wig, sex toys and HUGE heels as the years went on. We did end up breaking up, that being one of the reasons.

No. 230678

You're allowed to think whatever he's interested in is cringe, I personally think any grown man who is into daddy stuff and cat ears has problems but whatever…
>I would like a boring person to have sex with who makes me feel desired
There's nothing Pick Me about this or anything you just said there. You want to feel desired and wanted, if you feel like his 'kinks' are getting in the way of it even if he's not pushing it on you, then you should talk to him about it and you two should try and find something that you'd both enjoy.
Please don't ever get to the point where you feel like you have to perform, or fake things, or get into certain kinks or aspects of sex because you feel 'boring'. If you feel like you need to do any of that in the future then it's probably not the right relationship for you and you need someone who has similar sexual interests to you.

No. 230686

Being a "pick me" would be like you saying you are much better than the other femuls since you cater to his every need uwu

It is sad but many many relationships end due to sexual incompabilities. It's a perfectly valid reason to break up if it does bother you both.

No. 230694

I'm scared to talk about what we enjoy because I'm insecure and I feel like I'll just learn something I don't care about. He asks me what I enjoy; I am boring. I don't enjoy anything, just piv, consistency, and a regular sex scheduled of 1x a day (more is appreciated).

Maybe this is related, but I don't even get off because of sex, I have to imagine pictures in my head, and I'm sick of what I imagine. I usually imagine guys objectifying girls and it is old for me, medfet stuff, and I don't find actually pleasure in it, it grosses me out and I get off to it. I am feeling tired of sex because of it. I don't think I've ever had sex for the right reasons, its purpose has been to fill a void and make me feel important for a bit, though usually I don't even feel desired.

It sucks because every other guy I've been with couldn't keep up with how often I wanted sex, but they also were way kinkier. It is hard to get a guy who wants to have sex every day.

No. 230697

>It is hard to get a guy who wants to have sex every day.
Brought this up because I feel like this is rare and I will not find it again in a porn obsessed era. I feel like I should be happy I'm simply getting fucked. It makes me feel retarded because I am the type of woman who gets attention for her appearance. It isn't enough, though.

No. 230705

File: 1644873368847.jpg (55.87 KB, 712x498, 1480664142164.jpg)

I am not sure how to help you but I just want to give you a hug anon. I seems like you have been through some shit.

No. 230715

ok ladies please help. I have been going out with this guy (we are at 5 dates rn) and I feel like we are very compatible: we have the same career & academic interests [both undergrad students] and have so much in common its sometimes crazy. (Shoutout to my fellow "problematic" leftists who hate but are dependent on the military-industrial complex.) We've had a great time every time we've gone out & talked for hours about pretty much everything (he's also paid for most of the dates & we've split the check the other times).

BUT BUT BUT. On our third date we went out for drinks and he drove me home, I kinda did the whole "maybe we should kiss" thing and we did (i initiated) but he seemed super taken aback, def not enthusiastic at all. and then the next day I apologized via text if I came off too strong bc obviously consent is important w/ever and he replied by saying "haha i think we both had quite a bit to drink." Which, hmm, ok, who doesn't want to kiss but whatever. But then after our most recent date he also drove me back, asked me if he could walk me to my door, did, and then (because I had decided HE needed to initiate the next kiss) we kinda stood there awkwardly as I waited. And then we hugged. & then later, probably a mistake, i texted saying "yknow i had a good time tonight. don't worry about being awkward, i don't bite" and that was it! and then he texted back saying he's still figuring some things out. Which I don't even care about "making things official." I just want to know what's up.

So we're talking tomorrow. Dear ladies of the milk PLEASE HELP, I have always had success in being the more assertive person in terms of physical contact bc guys have tended to like that. So what do you all think is going on? He seems so interested in person (genuinely as a person, not sexually necessarily) but takes like 12 hrs to respond to texts. Is the horny part of my brain controlling me? What do??

No. 230717

This post is delusional.

Sounds very much like he has at least some interest in you. Of course it's never CERTAIN but it seems likely.

No. 230722

Thank you anon, you are so sweet. I have been through a lot, but I've also gotten much better since then and I'm proud of my progress. I still have a ways to go based off of my posts, but if I was able to get through other things, I'm sure I can mentally get through this.

No. 230890

Why are you so keen on this guy who doesn't even want to kiss you? That'd be an irredeemable turn off to me, and humiliating too. If he's not enthusiastic about hooking up, it's not happening.

I mean there are a lot of possible reasons why and none of them are conducive to a healthy relationship. Maybe he likes your personality but isn't attracted to you, maybe he's gay and in denial, maybe he's asexual and will never want you, maybe he's traumatized and not ready yet, maybe he's religious and thinks it's too fast, maybe he's extremely awkward about sex. Either way you should back off and make him put in the work to prove he is attracted to you, you've put yourself out there and he has to match your energy.

No. 230919


this really (emotionally) hurt to read, wow! i guess i'm keen on him because i feel like i'm a very specific person who doesn't get along with most people - not bc i'm that asocial or unattractive - but i am very online and have very specific professional path that can weird people out. also i'm the kind of person that would post on lcf lol. I really like him! i think he's smart & funny & attractive & a "HVM" in the conventional sense (and this is probably compounded by people in this league never being attracted to/ever expressing interest in me before).

No. 231041

You need to watch some chloe_ and Kev Hick videos

No. 231221

you came on too strong physically and he didn't like it. wait for him to make the next moves, its probably a good sign that he'd rather hang out with you before initiating sexual stuff straight away.

No. 231286

One of my guy friend has just confessed his feelings for me. He said about how he wants to hold me, get a place together, meet his parents, he basically said he wants a future with me. The only issue is that my feelings aren't really there because of the times he has indirectly rejected me and put me on hold. He keeps apologising to me for being a dickhead but I'm not sure what to do.

We did have a little fwb kind of thing because of our sexual attraction but I told him that I would want an actual relationship rather than a fwb. I've been pushing him away from making out with me since that just leads to him being sexual.

He did finally ask me out on a date 6 months ago but he never set up the time and date instead he went out on a weekend trip with his friends. After all this I got rid of my feelings of wanting a relationship with him after the amount of times he hurt my feelings for him.

I already got two guys that I'm interested in who I go out to places with. They treat me with more respect and would listen to me if I have an issue about how they're behaving.

The friend who confessed to me has mental health issues, depressed and drinks a lot but he's also a friend I feel the most comfortable with talking to about life, joking around and getting advice from.

No. 231306


y'all are giving me conflicting advice :(

No. 231314

yknow some people like to take things easy, even scrotes. Its only been 3 dates just give it time. obviously tho if you get to like, date 10 and still nothing then its time to move on.

No. 231354

Very few scrotes like to take things easy, especially if they are really into a girl. It's possible, just extremely unlikely that's the case rather than the more obvious explanation (the standard 'he's just not that into you').

Anon doesn't have to immediately ghost him or anything but she needs to stop pursuing him and let him make the moves. If he doesn't, she'll have her answer. But if she keeps pushing with the blind assumption that he's just taking it slow she'll potentially railroad a passive, disinterested man into sex he doesn't particularly want or a relationship he tolerates for convenience.

No. 231463

Its not extremely unlikely. Playing cat and mouse won't help either. Anon's origonal problem is basically her trying to be on the same page with the guy but they're both awkward asf.
Again, its still early in the dating phase. Taking things slow is cool no matter if you or your man initiates it. Don't be so hung up on the fact that he isn't trying to fuck you asap don't place a worth on the sexual gratification you could potentially offer. The fact that he is unironically like no other dude you've been with means that you finally have a good change of pace. Worst is he's playing you but at least you didn't give him cooch. winwin situation in my op

No. 231484

The fact that he still wants to go on another date with you means he's not scared off or anything like that. Just play it cool, don't initiate more physical contact and respect his boundaries if he hasn't consented to anything, and don't play coy and text him 'make the moves im ready i dont bite'. It seems desperate when its so early. Just enjoy the conversations and dates. It will either conclude in him 1) having the confidence to make a move in time and you will develop a relationship 2) he just enjoys your company and wants to be your friend or 3) he isn't attracted to you at all. Very low fourth chance that he is asexual or gay or some shit.

No. 231491

I think this is a good way of feeling things. I don’t care about the timeline of sex really at all, it was more his aversion to (pretty chaste) kissing. I think I’ll just ask what’s going on tomorrow? It’s of course possible he’s just entirely oblivious but I don’t think that’s the case - he’s much more conventionally attractive than me. Good advice all around, thank you all

No. 231497

>I think I’ll just ask what’s going on tomorrow?
You'll be putting him under the spotlight for a second time now in a short period. He'll just think you're pushy and probably not want to hang out after that.

No. 231512

>They treat me with more respect and would listen to me if I have an issue about how they're behaving.
You answered your own question there. You're tossing up guys who you enjoy time with versus a guy who you'll have to do the emotional haul for because of slice of life feelings you've shared together? Its your call anon but I wouldn't kill the friendship at this point especially when you have other suitors who you prefer.

No. 231513

The cats kinda already out of the bag though; we’re talking tomorrow in the context of our last comms being me: “I don’t bite” him: “I love being around you/seeing you makes me happy/still figuring some stuff out/need some time ” me: “if you’d like we can talk about it”

so idk

No. 231515

then good luck, let us know how it goes.

No. 231629

I'm sorry anon but he will keep doing shit like this. Going further with him is just going to hurt you even more.

No. 231870

Does anyone else have the issue of becoming extremely avoidant and disinterested once someone expresses genuine interest in you? I have a boyfriend who is more avoidant than me and in turn it makes me feel okay about being more affectionate, because I know he won't be. But otherwise in general whenever someone compliments me or says really affectionate things I get majorly disinterested and just don't want to interact with them anymore.

No. 231926


Is it just disinterest or is there also discomfort and awkwardness?

No. 232066

Yeah? A lot of people have shit self-esteem and would rather chase someone who ignores them, especially men.

No. 232389

It could be an ego thing.

No. 232596


Update! I let him do pretty much all the talking and it seems that the main issue was him "getting out of" a 6-month relationship about 6 weeks ago. Based on the timeline it seems like he asked me out about a week after that relationship ended, which is not super! So I told him I'm not interested in being in someone else's shadow/only interested in someone who will match my energy, which he seemed to understand.

He apologized (and seemed genuinely apologetic). So I'm tentatively optimistic? Still not going to let my guard down but I communicated what I want from him and his explanation seems plausible so I'll let him continue pursuing, I think. Thanks again everybody for the advice!

No. 232704

That's great to hear anon! Who knows what the future can bring but I believe what is best will come to you, best of luck.

No. 232767

My long term boyfriend (going to be 3 years in May) seems to have become unattracted to me, specifically looks wise. I gained quite a bit of weight (abt 20lbs) since quarantine started and before we would be intimate pretty often. It's been at least 2 months since he last initiated anything and whenever I've tried to start something it goes nowhere. I am 100% certain that he still loves me and he is extremely sweet, affectionate, and attentive. But last night I tried my best to set the mood to try and have something happen, but we ended up only watching anime (something he hates but he watches it because I like it.) I called it a night early and went to bed. I've been working out lately and I've also been working on my binge eating but it kinda just hurts to feel like I don't attract him like I used to. He's also put on quite a bit of weight but I feel like it hasn't made me any less attracted to him at all which pisses me a little.

No. 232777

I think you should just ask him. It could be something else and you’re hurting for no reason. Alternatively, since he’s gained weight too, you can both lay it out in the open and work on it together. Don’t feel bad nonna. Like you said, he still loves you and it’s usually pretty hard to love someone romantically without any attraction.

No. 232780

It could be that maybe his sex drive went down with his weight gain? Like anon said, its better to just ask him. If he loves you, he'll be honest.

No. 232787

File: 1644977441264.jpg (38.65 KB, 663x579, 1502973418694.jpg)

This will be the most cliché thing ever, brace yourselves, also, english is not my first language.
I really love my boyfriend, we've friends since childhood and we've been together for almost 3 years now, but I don't think I've ever felt sexually attracted to him. Sure, he's kinda cute, there's some spark of attraction now and then but most of the time it's not there. It's not only his appearance but his breath is really bad even tho he's very hygienic, and because I'm a coward I only brought that up once very indirectly, I don't think there's something he can do about it anyway (the air that comes out of his nose is equally as bad, so I doubt it's something about his mouth).
Anyway, today I told him that I don't really enjoy sex to the fullest and that maybe it's because I can't see him sexually, we had the same conversation a year ago and we decided to keep going, but things haven't changed too much since then.
Today he told me we should take a break for me to think about it, but if I decided to change something the only thing that comes to my mind is breaking up, I don't know if there are other solutions that I'm not seeing.
I really love this guy, I know that if we ever broke up we would still be friends, but how tf do I resist the urge to cuddle with him? He's also the only person I've ever slept with so I'm not sure if sex would be better with other men even if they were closer to my type, and even if sex were better, forming a new bond sounds alien to me considering the only people I currently talk to have been my friends since I'm 11, I doubt I could love and care for someone as much as I do with my bf. If anyone has any advice I'd appreciate it, again I'm sorry if this sounds stupid.

No. 232799

yes anon, I just spoke to my therapist about this yesterday actually. It really has to do with your attachment style, playing that game of cat and mouse with another person. When you're going back and forth and only one person holds interest or "chases" at a time, it allows for a relationship without true, deep intimacy. A lot of it comes down to being scared to be vulnerable and 'too close' to someone, in my case at least.

No. 232849

This is about a not romantic relationship so idk of this is the right thread but I just need advice with how to deal with a close friend who is insecure. Basically she’s never dated or received male validation - not because she’s ugly but I think because of not putting herself out there, not meeting many people, being shy — basically circumstances. And of course being insecure makes all this stuff harder for her. Anyway I mentioned today that a guy asked me out (I’ve not been dating for years so this is a big deal for me and I thought it was normal to tell friends about this stuff!) and she took it very badly and I basically triggered a crying episode. I don’t even know what to say now because every effort I make at reassuring her (like “you’re beautiful,” “a guy would be lucky to have you,” etc) is meaningless since she’s never had any male attention. I guess I can’t really do much because it’s not my duty to repair her self esteem but I just wonder if anyone’s been in a similar situation and what you did - or, if you were her, what you would want to hear from your friends?

No. 233021

As somebody who never gets male attention either there's nothing you can really say, she needs to work on herself, I used to get really upset when I learned about my friends' dating stories, until I self-reflected on my femcel status and realized I didn't want to be in a relationship anyway. I guess she needs to figure out why she is like that in the first place, but it needs to come from her, I think she'd take advice badly from a "regular" person, she'd feel you wouldn't understand anyway.
Maybe you can give her advice on how to "put herself out there", because when people tell us that we should do that we have zero idea what that means, which annoys us even more (to this day I still don't know how you do that). The worst thing to say would be "somebody probably has a secret crush on you!" because it's never true lmao.

No. 233031

>not because she’s ugly but I think because of not putting herself out there, not meeting many people, being shy — basically circumstances.
Have you said this, in those exact words? Coddling her with vague platitudes about being beautiful etc probably won't help, but a dose of reality might.

If you tell her this clearly and she STILL won't accept it, she simply wants to feel sorry for herself because then she never has to change. It's much easier to wallow in self pity about how undesirable you are than to actually put yourself out there, risk rejection or hurt feelings, improve yourself, or lower your standards. I am in a similar situation to your friend but with more self awareness, sometimes I can't help thinking like "I'm too ugly to get a bf so I may as well give up, it's pointless to try" and have to consciously reign it in - I know, deep down, that's not true at all. I'm just average looking and if I fired up tinder I would have plenty of options.

No. 233066

she sounds toxic and that's probably the real reason why she has no luck dating. honestly, she doesn't sound ready for any kind of relationship, non-romantic ones included. redirect her to therapy and wash your hands clean, people like that want to drag everybody else down to their level of misery which is why instead of being happy for you like a friend should be she started the theatrics instead.

No. 233071

what should I make of a "boyfriend" that told to my face he feels more comfortable ignoring me since that make me clingier and therefore more insignificant in his eyes but "never realized" how terrible that made me feel?

No. 233078

now he's calling me a "BPDemon" "thirsty for pain" "trying to hurt him before I get hurt" and "frustrated because I couldn't let him """win""""

No. 233079

A couple years ago I had never heard of attachment styles. Then I was watching a youtuber who has decades of experience as a relationship therapist and he got into it. I feel like anyone who has had a rocky relationship that left you scratching your head wondering why your guy/woman acted that way should look into them to see if it rings a bell. Same thing if you scratch your head at your own behaviour lol.

Kinda long but, I'm an avoidant person in general, I'm diagnosed with avpd and all. When I date though and 'let someone in' I can have anxious clingy attachment that totally goes against how I usually deal with people. I would usually have no problem disconnecting and walking away from anyone else who causes me too much stress (and my stress threshold is low) but not in a romantic setting if I'm hooked in.

I dated someone who would give the silent treatment or threaten to leave/break up all the time over small things (all while safe in the knowledge that I'd just cry and still want him back after each shitshow) It was draining as hell. A 3 year live-in situation where 2 years were plagued with this pattern of threats. I eventually semi knew it was empty threats, a performance where he'd berate me and pack my bags then he'd block the front door all while telling me to leave out of the very door he's blocking..? At other times he'd just storm out himself and let me stress for a few hours before coming home and stewing in some more silent treatment. I was hanging on a string praying for it to pass, no idea what I'd even done wrong some of these times. He knew he could get away with it and I'd just be happy for him to get back to talking to me again. I felt weak for how I would react to the empty threats and ill treatment. I cursed myself for all the genuine tears of frustration and panic that I let him watch me waste on these performances. It was eye opening to finally have a clue on why this all played out like that. In a way it helped me to take a very bad situation I was in less personally. Don't get me wrong he passed normal boundaries in ways that are on him and theres worse shit I'll leave out but the cat and mouse chase pattern is an archetype that many are living in because it boils down to attachment styles and not understanding why either of you are pulled to act the way you do. When it's left to get that bad it can mess you up.

I dealt with years of him insisting that seeing as I have an anxiety diagnosis.. that I'm mentally ill and he's mentally healthy so I couldn't ever sit down and point out his behaviour as needing to be addressed too. It was all put on me. Days of silent treatment, dragging my stuff out to the lobby of our building to tell me to never come back again… then changing his mind and bringing them back up once he saw I was taking this seriously and about to go.. You don't have to have a pre existing mental illness diagnosis to be bringing your own shit to a relationship. You can have no diagnosed issues and still do yourself a favour and look into attachment styles and see whether they're running amok in your relationships. I lost my will to cling after 3 years and he replaced me with a woman who also has an anxiety disorder, a physical disability and several kids.. she became highly dependant (likely to cling) straight away and on goes the pattern.

No. 233080

Wtf? Just say you're through and never talk to him again

No. 233081

easier said than done

No. 233085

nta but so? what else are you gonna do, suffer? he hates you anon. pls love yourself

No. 233089

"fix" him? I've known what "self-love" feels like when you're alone all day and I don't miss it

No. 233092

>instead of being happy for you like a friend should be she started the theatrics instead
Nta but you can't really control how you feel though, she probably feels inferior and is scared to be left behind. I agree she should go to therapy to deal with her self-esteem issues but I don't think she's toxic.

No. 233110

are relationships really to be treated as a zero-sum game? as in if I make him happier he'll make me more miserable and conversely?

No. 233121

Her feelings are understandable. If she has shyness or anxiety or whatever holding her back from experiencing this and now you have the very thing that she likely has put on a grand pedestal by now.. that sting is hard to cover up. Crying to you kinda ABOUT YOU is where it's gets messy. Usually you'd vent these feelings with a third person so that you don't rain on someones happiness. Maybe she just burst into tears without much warning but if it's ongoing then it's inappropriate to land this on you.

'My friends are moving on in life and getting all the things I still haven't reached yet' is a really common funk that people get into. It's not necessarily toxic jealousy if you learn how to vent about it without turning your friends luck/achievements into an emotional burden that they then have to pay you back for. You shouldn't be feeling guilt when nice things happen to you. If it appears she's trying to encourage guilt then I'd worry.

No. 233201

"it's shyness and anxiety" is cope and refusal to take responsibility. what really is holding her back is failure to take proper steps to address that shyness and anxiety

No. 233245

Honestly can agree with this. I had really bad anxiety, even meds didn't help me, but I still decided I wanted a nice relationship so much I put myself out there for it. If she wants it, she'll take the steps to get there.

No. 233314

Anon…. no. A relationship like that is just a bad relationship.

No. 233472

The op never used the term anxiety, just shyness. I used it as it sounds like a possibility here but then we don't know that. I dont want to also jump to assumptions that she's in need of help and failing to get it.

No. 233637

i feel like a madwoman or conspiracy theorist trying to talk to my partner about gender identity bullshit or how fucked up trans stuff is. It's like this with people I know in general but I feel like it hurts me more with my boyfriend because he should be there to listen to me when I want to vent I guess?

He doesn't agree with the whole trans women are women thing and other stuff like that thankfully, but at the same time it feels like he isn't actively interested in it or discussing it with me. I'm willing to bet that part of that is the moid "this will never affect me so idc" mentality but some of it feels quite hurtful to me when I speak about how women are being slowly erased and how I feel very uncomfortable with the possibility of being in the bathrooms or changing rooms with men. He said he would be grossed out by it too but he also sounded sceptical over the fact that some language is being changed to erase women such as us being called birthing bodies now etc.

I don't know if it's just me being overly-zealous with this stuff or what? I definitely take this personally as I am a woman and it does and will affect me, but I also can't tell if I'm just becoming too involved with it.

We only really had one real conversation about it and it didnt last long because we were in the car. Honestly I just wanna pick his brain and see what he thinks about all of it…part of it is because I also don't want to be associated with a male that is quite passive on this stuff. Sometimes it just feels like I'm a wailing crazy woman talking to herself while he is just conveniently in the same room. Any advice…or opinions? Maybe I am being too involved with it, I dunno.

No. 233873

To be honest, and you will get plenty of nonnas disagreeing with me so don't worry, you probably talk about it too much and too obsessively. It's understandable in this world and I was the same way. When I first peaked it was a while until I could step back from freaking out and feeling horrified by the state of things and where it's going. You're right to feel that way, because it's awful. At the same time, nothing can come of obsessively worrying or stewing in anger. That shit honestly hurts yourself in a way that is just a waste. I also did the thing of talking to someone close too much about it. Later on I stopped browsing the relevant threads here and stepped back a bit from the issue, I was too depressed about the world in general. You kinda come to realize that nobody actually likes troons, at least not the majority, they just fake it. Looking in the mtf thread is horrifying but to most normal people these are still the freaks of society. A show like 'I Am Jazz' which purports to be supportive of Jazz exists mainly to exploit the fact that it is freakish and horrifying, just like those shows about the morbidly obese or weird fetishists. It is still awful rn for the public discourse to be how it is, and I genuinely worry for the future with zoomers (my age group) and younger being indoctrinated, but at the same time I realized when I go outside it's pretty easy to be reminded most people are normies and have a shallow understanding of the issue, deep down many find it uncomfortable. Idk, I also came to see how miserable the troons are for example in the mtf thread, and while it's not like I feel pity exactly, I just realized their lives already suck so it's kind of like they've already got their karma. Besides this train hopefully can only go on so much longer. Don't let yourself get consumed by hate or fear over it, don't give them that power, it seeps into your daily life and other people, ie normies, don't like the negativity even if they agree in general. Freaks exist and right now the situation is insane enough to make you want to hold up signs at the intersection about it because society has lost it, I know that feel, but I guess eventually you have to mellow out or you'll implode from despair. In general people like when others are positive and talk about things like interests or hobbies, not this. But it's still OK if you need to vent about it from time to time. I'm just sharing that in my opinion the strength of your distress over it will go down over time. I personally regret bringing it up so much to that person because I no longer am so filled with anger and it probably gave a bad impression.

No. 234273

Why did you wait two years to bring this up? That's nuts.

Anyway, even though you waited so long, he's wrong for refusing to discuss it, even if he didn't do it, and not caring about your feelings at all.

I think he said. If he didn't, he would have said "I never felt that way about you. I always wanted a serious relationship."

And why didn't you believe him when he said no. Was it because he has a habit of acting shady or his behavior in the moment was sketch.

No. 235177

I try to act nice and give him plenty attention: he ends up ignoring me since he knows he has no efforts to make to get what he wants from me

I try to ignore him to entice him to be more willing: he starts self-deprecating and self-apologizing by giving up and ignoring me so he wouldn't have any effort to make

I complain he never makes any effort and just keep leading me on: he keeps trying to conclude he's not "interesting enough" and he has nothing to say so he has to keep on ignoring me anyway

is there any way out of this infuriating bind or should I just tell him to fuck off with his lazy attitude?

No. 235205

You already know the answer anon, just dump him, stop wasting your time with a lost case.

No. 235217

Honestly it just skipped my mind. It wasn't something I thought about until I read some old chat-logs and realized it was a pretty messed up thing to say.

I didn't really believe him solely because I don't see why my ex-friend would lie to me, we used to be extremely close and I can't imagine her making that up on the spot just to torment me. At this point I just want him to either give a straight answer that it was a lie, or admit it and apologize.

No. 235297

Guy I've been dating said he doesnt know what he wants but that he likes me. He said "he cant stop thinking about me". Should I just leave? He's manipulative as fuck and I'm tired of him.

No. 235419

If he's claiming to have such feelings for you but then his actions arent matching up with it.. most of the time it means you're being played. Sure there are occasions where there's a legit reaosn why someone is holding back but you even say yourself he's manipulative.. sounds like your gut is already telling you shit's not adding up.

No. 235444

The thing is that he asked if he believed he was the one and I said yeah, I really like you otherwise I wouldn't date you this long. Like why the hell doesn't he just say straight up that he just wants FWB? Then he goes on to say that he is not just looking for sex. After I confronted him about this he isn't texting me as much. Why is that?

No. 235450

All I can say is that when a man is really into you, it won’t leave you remotely confused like this. Commitment issues, not knowing what he wants, trying to fill a void in his life with women - ultimately it doesn’t really matter what his reason is, in the end he is not prioritizing you and showering you with the affection and dedication you deserve, so it’s time to move on to open up the opportunity to find someone who will.

No. 235815

Okay I get it. I hate moids so much. Why not just be honest? They lie so much for no reason. All the shit he said was fake. Ugh.

No. 236331

Sorry for the late reply, been so busy trying to get my mind off my friend's confession

yeah you're right, I already got something good going with the other guys meanwhile i don't think it would effect my relationship with my friend if I reject him… Though he is feeling insecure about himself lately. Is there anything I can support him with while he deals with his mental health?

yeah its honestly becoming so confusing for me to be dealing with (relationship wise) him being too busy to date me but drunk calling me late at night about his feelings. I do care about him but like i said the feelings aren't there anymore.

No. 236838

If you love your boyfriend, but he can't sexually satisfy you because you are sexually repressed and the thought of a man going down on you absolutely scares you, then what would help break that tension and fear? He is more than willing and wishing to give me an orgasm by any means, but i feel uncomfortable letting anyone other than myself be in that "vulnerable" moment. I trust him, but i have a hard time being in the moment without overthinking everything. Its almost like a rehearsed performance because im scared of being in the actual moment if that makes sense. Though its starting to feel like a chore. I want to orgasm because he worked for it, how do i achieve it nonnies?

No. 236909

That sounds like something that could be solved with therapy more than some "lifehacks" anon

No. 236942

Sit on his face, can't be vulnerable when you're perfectly positioned to suffocate a man to death

No. 236960

>I want to orgasm because he worked for it
Wow… just wow.

No. 236964

yeah you should want to orgasm for your own pleasure and enjoyment. Rid yourself of the mindset you should orgasm for your bf.

No. 236969

You can orgasm from sex if you make him position himself in you a certain way, but try having him finger you

No. 236972

pretty sure it's a mental block for anon

No. 236993

And he's making it worse by giving her performance anxiety. Being relaxed is crucial for orgasming, but she's fretting over this. She doesn't even want it herself, says its a chore.
It's his male insecurity that's making her focus on the orgasm. You can enjoy sex even without orgasming.
I had a gf who couldn't orgasm and at first she sheepishly tried to convince me it's not my fault blah blah. I never thought it was, I have friends who are also unable to orgasm and we talked about it a lot. She's bi (so am I) and that need to apologise for not orgasming came from her relationships with men.
I would support her in trying to overcome it if she wanted of course, but she didn't. She was in therapy for other stuff that was more of a priority to her. We had a great sex life even without her orgasming as we were doing things comfortable and pleasant for both.

OP needs to stop trying to please her male and relax. There is no goal to sex.

No. 237247

Well i make my boyfriend orgasm nearly every time we do something intimate. Shouldn't it go both ways? Unless im not understanding what you mean, then i apologize.
I do enjoy sex and doing all sorts of different things, but i never orgasm from it. It ends when he finishes though and we just cuddle which is fine, but i want more. He ate me out once, but i was sleep deprived and drunk and it was the only time i have ever orgasmed from another person. I want to feel that again without having to use something to suppress my brain from being there 100% but im starting to think i might need therapy after all.

No. 238470

File: 1645275358208.jpg (34.57 KB, 500x500, cri.jpg)

How can I stop wearing my heart on my sleeve?
I hardly ever have crushes that I actually act on but the guy I've been talking to/seeing/dating/whatever for a few months hid something really important from me and then just casually mentioned it in passing last night while we were texting which is shit because the overall conversation was really wholesome so I just didn't know what to reply to that. I've never been secretive or avoidant with him because I was so comfortable around him so he knows a bunch of stuff about me, we talked about basically everything and I thought I knew him well but apparently he keeps hiding stuff from me. I'll meet up with him next week, he probably thinks it's a date but I want to talk some things through and possibly break up with him because this really is my last straw, he's hurt me too much by being so non-communicative about his intentions and by taking me for granted.
How can I avoid being a crying mess and forgiving him? And how can I get over this? It's been 4 years since I tried dating someone and I got screwed over very similarly the last time. This guy seemed really sweet and considerate and precious and we clicked so well, this just came out of left field
Sorry if this is really ambiguous but trust me nonnas, what he told me was a massive deal breaker

No. 238635

>what he told me was a massive deal breaker
You already know the answer anon, I know you're frustrated because you haven't dated in a while but don't get involved with this kind of guy just for that.

No. 241175

My bf and I live together but I want to do something nice for him as a thanks for taking great care of me whilst I was ill, any ideas?

No. 241229

It's only basic kindness that a partner looks after you while sick, there's no need to overly reward someone for meeting normal expectations. Just return the favor when he's the sick one.

No. 241324

While I agree with the other anon that you don't owe him anything I do understand the sentiment; I think baking a cake / cooking a nice meal to share together and celebrate you getting better would be a perfect thing to have

No. 241430

Been dating a guy for 2 weeks, last night I tried to get intimare with him at his place but he kept stopping me. Hes nervous and only got semi-hard. Ive never experienced this with a guy before. He kept kissing me all over and called me sexy but he couldnt even get hard?

No. 241785

Sounds like he's just stressed, some men are just not ready for sex 24/7 and anxiety can really influence ability to get turned on for anyone, man or woman, even in a really intimate situation. I'd advise having a direct conversation about it if that's a person you see involving yourself with longer term; but be gentle about it.

No. 242301

My bf was really dirty and kissy when we first decided to have sex but the moment we got into sex he lost his boner after a few minutes. We're now long term and I asked him why that happened that night when he seemed so keen and he said he was super anxious when it started happening because he really liked me and was overthinking it.
I think he was just really nervous anon, don't worry too much unless it keeps happening again and again.

No. 243562

hey everyone! i need some advice on what red flags to look out for in a man who is much older than me (let's say i'm 20 and he is 50) i ask here because i fucking hate reddit and i know you won't spare me here and will tell me like it is.

i don't have much experience dating men, i've been in two LTR with women so far and screwed around with one guy before in a FWB arrangement.

we have a lot in common (both the same national/ethnic minorities, bisexuals, very similar shitty parent situation etc.) and we can talk about anything from philosophy to poetry to current events with much enjoyment. also, vent to each other of course.

i thought i could never date a man because they're fucking retarded wrt emotional intelligence and can't/won't communicate.
but i think that he's great at both because he's gay (like, he fits 90% of gay stereotypes, and i fit 90% of lesbian stereotypes)

he hasn't dated in 6 years since his ex-boyfriend died of a heart attack. i haven't dated since i got dumped by my ex girlfriend a year ago. i hope this background helps explain things a little.

No. 243577

File: 1645468554904.jpg (55.58 KB, 625x626, 4e5.jpg)

You are not even trying…

No. 243604

hey, i'm sorry, the post duplicated because of the errors on the site so i deleted it.

i swear i'm not baiting, i came back on LC after a few months' break and i've just seen the shit that's happening so i get why you may think that

No. 243705

File: 1645471128707.png (208.91 KB, 414x460, mfw.png)

>let's say i'm 20 and he is 50

No. 243739

Even Reddit would chew you out for this. You're a child compared to him. No background info necessary, no details needed. NOTHING will make this okay. Don't be friends with him, don't even stay in contact with him. 30 years later you'll understand how inappropriate this is.

No. 243768

File: 1645472867966.jpeg (26.76 KB, 542x403, 98966EF9-7EC8-4FF0-96D7-F4ED72…)

> i'm 20 and he is 50
> he hasn't dated in 6 years since his ex-boyfriend died of a heart attack

No. 243792

This, there is no good reason to want to be friends with someone that much younger than you.

No. 243826

No. 243865

you're right. i knew i'd get this kind of reaction and i still went for it, lol.

where i'm from age gaps of 15-20 years are nothing unusual. but friends i talked to did find this a "bit" weird. i'll delete the post now because i'm probably not going to get much else apart from "bait" and "you're a fucking tard" and fair enough tbh

No. 243869

nvm lol i can't anymore

No. 243893

Why is a FIFTY YEAR OLD gay man deciding he wants to date a woman? Trying not to hate on you anon but still

No. 243903

File: 1645478492957.jpg (31.32 KB, 500x358, 6347284123432.jpg)

I love my boyfriend and I'm planning to meet him but he seems really emotionally immature and I don't know what to do. He's fine besides getting irrationally angry at anything slightly frustrating. I can't take it because I try to cheer him up or anything but he sits there silently and nothing makes him happy and I bother him. He gets this way often and it's the reason why I don't watch or play anything with him that may upset him. I was hoping this would fizzle out and maybe he would get better with time but I think I am trying to justify how he is to make myself feel better. Sometimes I cannot talk to him at all if he's in a bad mood and the only thing that makes him change his mood is if I get sad or mad which is not healthy. Am I doomed? I don't know if I can take this. I've dated a few men and they all seem to get irrationally angry like this and I can't tell if it's me or men as a whole anymore.

No. 243909

anon, this might sound harsh, but it's almost certainly (99%) not you. you just attract these types of men. do you have a low self esteem?

from experience, it won't get better, it will only get worse. put your foot down, and if he doesn't at least TRY to get better, leave.

No. 243913

My self esteem is very low. I left my ex because he didn't treat me nicely and didn't take an interest in what I like. It feels like a cycle with every guy I've dated. They always end up getting angry easily and we stop enjoying things together and I don't know what to do. I just want to be happy and feel like I can talk to someone for once.

No. 243923

Integrate, you can't delete a post after 30 mins and your reddit spacing makes it pretty obvious. Anyway it's never okay for a 50 year old to be interested in a 20 year old. If that's normal in your culture that's old men taking advantage of young girls, their youth, beauty, naivity and massive power imbalance. A man 30 years older has no bussiness dating a young woman who's barely of age, has limited to no life/romantic/sexual experience, who's brain hasn't even fully developed yet. And that's not even mentioning the fact here's (sort of?) gay. What's a gay man doing with a woman anyway? He's taking advantage of you and interested in you for all the wrong reasons. And if that's not convincing enough for you: Ask yourself why a 50 year old man isn't dating someone his own age. It can only ever be for the wrong reasons, for the youth and vulnurability of a young woman. He thinks (wo)men his own age are unattractive because of age and/or can't find one naive and impressionable enough to put up wih his shit. If you want to date, date a decent man or woman roughly your own age who can more or less match you on the afore mentioned factors.

No. 243926

i don't know if you'll listen to this or not, but i have to tell you: work on your self esteem before you get into another relationship.

otherwise every relationship will be like the one you described in your post, because you'll keep attracting men who can figuratively smell that you don't think very highly of yourself and that they can use you.

do you have any friends you can rely on for venting and advice? or even a therapist (i know it's a meme, but if you don't have friends you can have real talk with, it could really help)

you sound like a lovely person and i know you can do better, nonita

No. 243937

I'm very lonely and don't have many friends after many people shittalking me which lead me down this path. It's hard to trust anyone which is why I turn to relationships, I guess. My self esteem is getting better and I'm realizing I'm attractive and can do better but it's difficult to think I'll ever find someone that doesn't do something that makes me want to cry constantly. Thank you for the advice and maybe this was more of a vent/blogpost but I'm really happy you're being so nice and responding to me this way.

No. 245308

I wish the Manic Pixie Dream Girl impersonator was around to give me an advice on how to get the scrote I'm talking with online, or rather get him to meet up with me first. We have the same (relatively) rare autistic, pretentious taste, similar minds and outlook on life. I'm genuinely fascinated with his brain and would love to poke around it some more.
I have the listening about hobby part down (actually playing something I've been forever interested in - talking with him gave me an extra push to finally do it).
I'm extremely curious of him IRL, even though it's hard to say how it would go. Would hate to fall in love while he sees me as a friend at best. I'm currently losing extra weight thanks to medication and stress, so that's something.

No. 245328

I'm not sure about this nonna, pretentious men tend to be way more annoying and arrogant than their female counterparts, maybe he will respect you at first but those types tend to smell their own farts way too much and eventually you will not be enough for him

No. 245340

jesus, both of you sound extremely annoying and obnoxious, you guys will make a good, repulsive couple. just go for it. give him some hints perhaps, like wanting to try some new restaurant or something. he is probably just as into you.

No. 245341

It's always the bisexuals.

No. 245349

Why would a man say "I want to take things slow" after you tell him that you really like him? We haven't had sex yet.

No. 245353

It was probably just a super forward move on your part and he shat his pants hearing you tell him you like him. Give him time and see how the relationship progresses, if he's still pulling away then he's just not that into you and probably just wanted a fuck buddy.

No. 245373

Don’t date a man that needs to be emotionally soothed every 5 minutes like a spastic. I dumped my last bf because he was driving me home and was so angry about minor shit he almost crashed the car. He was screaming and ranting like a chimp the entire way home.. Then he said to me “you can’t handle my anxiety” shut the fuck up, YOU can’t handle your fucking anxiety and you are the only one responsible for it. Don’t date a weak man.

No. 245382

He doesn’t want you to think that you two are something serious. “I wanna take it slow” is literally a textbook example for “You’re way too into me and I don’t want to commit to you”

No. 245410

wtf he was the one perusing me and telling me he likes me? I swear to god I fucking hate scrotes. What a waste of time. I'm so mad at myself for giving his ugly ass the time of the day.

No. 245421

Nothing can be confirmed until I spend time IRL with him… but so far, he seems very empathetic and not arrogant at all, maybe even the opposite. I will keep that in mind in case anything happens though.
>jesus, both of you sound extremely annoying and obnoxious, you guys will make a good, repulsive couple
IDK what made you think so, but thank you! Was it the brain part? It sucks because we live 2 hours apart and covid doesn't make things any easier (I hope I'm not expecting the impossible). IDK how shit would work out once we meet, but I really would like to give it a shot instead of obsessing over someone I never met.
>he is probably just as into you.
I hope so! Genuinely can't tell if he's a good sport when replying to me or actually interested, but that may be anxiety and autismo as well.

No. 245472

two hours is nothing, meet in the middle or something. are the restrictions there super bad?

No. 245494

What are you supposed to do when your friend says her emotional support system isn’t enough? She goes to therapy, calls her mom and sibling every day, and then talks to me and her other friend every day. I already told her to try journaling and that she should try to make more friends but she keeps saying that what her friends and family do isn’t enough for her. Wtf am I supposed to do? “needy” people are just so unfamiliar to me because me and siblings were raised to be self reliant

No. 245503

I don't have an ongoing pattern of dating this type of man but I have one ex who doted on me in the beginning and then morphed into this once we signed a lease and were living together. I'm taking a long break from dating and really thinking about why I accepted all that moping about and silent treatment. Even with a lease tying me up it still takes low self esteem to accept that and even confuse that for love. Men/people with that type of manipulative or maladaptive behaviour do not change easily. They won't see your pain and snap out of it. If you're isolated or friendless that emboldens them to treat you however they like and then tell you they're doing nothing wrong. Living with someone like that.. I would go back in time and pay thousands to break that lease if I knew how much emotional damage it leaves and that it does not get better. It's a poor investment of your time and your emotions.

Being single and friendless but having a drama-free day to day life is better than that roller coaster of 'god what's wrong with him today'. Totally agree with what >>243926 says. Whether you want to persue friendships or work on figuring out your self esteem issues… do that and don't rush into dating or waste energy on him. I know not everyone has money for therapy for the likes of this but even reading up on it is helpful for reflecting. I've spent alot of time eating up any free info I can find on why people get into these dynamics. Books, podcasts run by real licensed professionals, there's info out there that'll give you plenty to think about.

What I don't get is you say you're meeting soon, did I misread or is he moping through long distance? Have you not met?

No. 245514

The restrictions aren't that bad, but he has been fucked up by covid pretty recently… and it all weights on him wanting to see me. It makes me kind of optimistic to see you say it's not that big of an issue. I haven't thought about the option of meeting in the middle, that's a good idea. We will see how he reacts to hints or a mere suggestion.
I definitly don't want him to have a reaction like >>245382 because I AM acting irrationally too into him (this isn't against OP, where the opposite happened - what a POS of a scrote)

No. 245519

Diff anon but yeah 2 hours is nothing if a scrote is genuinely into you. If a guy is dragging his feet about travelling 2 hours then that'd imo be a strong indicator of what his feelings are.

No. 245541

You are right and I'm horrified of finding out the truth. We haven't met on a dating app or anything which would suggest an end goal of meeting up, so yeah

No. 245609

I've been having this overwhelming feeling lately that I've outgrown my boyfriend and worry if I'm really in love with him romantically anymore. We've been together for a really long time, we practically grew up together. He was always there for me at my lowest point which I am eternally grateful for. He is very sweet, thoughtful and attentive to most of my needs and truly understands and cherishes me but… he is just so childish. It took me a while to grow up myself but he seems content to live at home, work part time and spend all of his money on games and toys forever. None of this bothered me until recently because I was the same way. It's not like I want kids or anything like that, so that's not an issue. But I find myself annoyed with his habits more and more and wanting to spend less time with him. He also has very little sexual desire (he was like this from the start) and it's hurting our relationship a lot because my drive is very high and I am becoming resentful of him because of this. I don't know what to do. I don't want to leave him behind but I might have to, but at the same time our relationship still benefits me.

No. 245641

I was in a similar boat except my ex partner was a dick in his lack of willingness to change even after I communicated in a healthy way.

Talk it out with him, it's scary and you'll feel anxious to do it and I know you don't want to hurt him but you are hurting yourself and the relationship by not having an honest conversation with him. If after you two have talked about it and seen what you guys can resolve and he doesn't change then just leave. You will ultimately end up checking out of the relationship and it's preferable that if you do meet someone you're more compatible with that you're single and in a healthier, happier state of mind.

No. 245867

I have totally lost my sex drive for my boyfriend and it scares me because I'm every relationship including this one, I've always wanted sex. I know why - my boyfriend doesn't make me feel desired at all. He doesn't say anything negative, but he doesn't say anything positive unless it's right after something I say positively about him. I do that a lot, every single day, and he doesn't always return the compliment. I've tried talking to him about desire before and it's always a couple of weeks of him trying, then he stops and it just makes me feel awful. It's hard because he's sweet in every other way - he cooks for me, cleans for me, he's a great guy. I love and appreciate all he does for me. But it makes me feel like he's more of a parent than a lover. I've requested doing more things like vacuuming and cleaning because I enjoy that, but he is really particular that he do them since he stays home (he's finishing up school while I work). He listens to me or at least tries. But it just is so hard for me, I've given up reminding him because it always fizzled out. It sucks because I shower him with comments regarding how sexually attractive I find him and such, but he just cannot return the favor. It hurts my feelings a lot, I'm thin, I get attention for my appearance outside of my boyfriend, but he is not good at it and I think it's killing my drive. I talked to him last week about complimenting me and I suggested he put it in a to do list since he uses that so he doesn't forget. He whined about it because it's "unromantic" but I mentioned that considering he forgets and it's so important to me, he should. He made such a big deal about it that it just made me feel terrible in the end. I was just trying to give a suggestion since he's always talking about how he wants to make me happy. Well, I would like to feel desired, not just serviced. I feel sick inside, like I need to give up on feeling desired, and it sucks because he has a chronic health issue that already is making me sacrifice being as active as I am. I'm fine with that, but I feel like it's a hard pill to swallow that I will just feel "meh" to him.

No. 245883

>It's hard because he's sweet in every other way - he cooks for me, cleans for me, he's a great guy.
I read that and at first thought that he was showing an effort just in his own way but tbh you go on to say he's at home and you work… that's not even him being sweet then. That's just a divide of tasks. You work, you shower him with compliments, you've had a decent drive and you have all this desire to work on this.. He's not pulling his own weight. The fact that talking this out gets you two whole weeks of effort.. where can you go from there? You've already approached it. Short of him commiting to couples therapy I don't know what else you could do. Assuming you're both young it may not be worth dragging yourself to therapy to work on sexual issues. That's often more so for older married couples who are all in and have alot to lose by breaking up. It's reasonable if you're thinking about leaving at this stage. Before you invest too much in a sinking situation.

No. 245884

>I suggested he put it in a to do list since he uses that so he doesn't forget.
I mean.. that's kinda weird anon.. he's not wrong about that being unromantic.

No. 245885

Well, he does go to school and is about to graduate. He's keen to work ASAP. I downplay the fact I work and pay bills because I feel like what he does is more difficult. He tries to talk to me and listen to me, he also has sex with me, and that's part of why I feel so guilty, I've always wanted a guy who wants to have sex with me, but I've never met one who seemed so blah about me. Sometimes he will talk about how attractive I am, but it's only if we are talking about other people or about the subject of attractiveness, it's extremely clinical. He cuddles and is very physically affectionate, but I have to be real, it just makes me feel like he's my mom because she used to do all of that for me as well minus the sex so the lack of feeling desired really gets on my nerves. He is definitely proud of me as he talks about me to his friends in terms of how good I am at my work, how quickly I've ascended the scale, etc. but I feel meh because I wish I were fawned over a bit in a primal way.

Maybe you are right. For guys like him, is the problem that he doesn't find me inherently attractive?

No. 245886

He's not wrong, but he never remembers past a certain date so I thought maybe it would help him since he fusses over the fact I don't act happy. I plan and put on my to do list romantic gestures for him, I don't tell him about it of course, but I do that so I never forget.

No. 245888

You should move on. His reasons don't really matter considering he is not willing or wanting to work on the issue, meaning the relationship is not important enough to him to try and save. That tells you everything you need to know. Your sex drives are incompatible and it's not wrong to want a partner who is eager and excited to have sex with you. That's pretty basic stuff. I know it's troubling to leave someone who is otherwise decent over an issue like this, but there are countless guys out there who would be overjoyed to pick up the slack where he's lacking and also be otherwise decent people. Don't settle for anyone, especially as a young person without any kids or deeper obligations. There is zero reason for you to put up with this for the rest of your life when you know it will continue to make you unhappy and there are so many other options out there.

No. 245889

Am I wrong to blow up on the moid I've been talking to who has lied to me in the past? Basically this time he told me he was going to do this grand romantic gesture for me which was not required and I didn't even really care about to begin with. Then the day rolls around, and he did not do it, not even close. It wasn't just an "I forgot" either, it was a straight up calculated decision that the thing he said he would do, he didn't. I basically blew up at him and asked him why he lies to me all the time and now I feel like the bad guy. Help me gain back my self respect, nonnas. He says he loves me and he chases me every time I get the courage to leave, but then lies to me some more.

No. 245890

Uh. Lazy and abusive. Run.

No. 245894

He acts happy to have sex, but I don't feel desired per sé. I feel like it is my fault a bit, like maybe he does desire me and I am blocking myself from seeing it. I don't worry about whether others think I'm attractive, I'm fine with myself, but it's fun for your partner to act into you specifically, so that's where I'm lost.

No. 245895

Of course you're not wrong, and it never changes nonny. The lying. Take it from someone who spent way too many years in a relationship with someone who was constantly promising to be better, yet always fell back on the lies like clockwork. There is no relationship without trust. You think it's not so bad or they have other traits that make it worthwhile, but there's just nothing that can make up for it. It eats away at you every single day and will never stop until you get out. Once you drop him and start spending time with people who actually respect you, you'll wonder how you ever could have allowed someone who says they "love" you treat you so horribly.

No. 245899


Yea, you are right. He was ignoring my apologies for blowing up so I sent him one last message saying I was moving on and blocked him on everything kek. I just hate that I'm blaming myself for this thinking I overreacted when in reality women are just taught to feel that any time we stand up for ourselves we're overreacting.

No. 245901

You asked him to make changes that would help you feel more desired. He does them for a short period then stops, and complains about your reasonable requests to boot. He has shown you the maximum amount of effort he is willing to invest in the issue, and it's not a lot. So at this stage you either settle for his current low level of initiative and try to convince yourself to be okay with it, or you find one of the many people in the world who you won't have to debate into showing attraction for you.

No. 245903

Yeah, you are right. I've never been with a guy that has regularly had sex with me and made me feel attractive. I bargain with myself that I at least have 1 of those here.

No. 245904

Nice job cutting him off! I know that can be hard but you deserve much more. It makes me sad to hear you were apologizing for something he did too, but I have been there so many times in the past. Try to be kind to yourself. As you say, we're taught to always blame ourselves for issues in relationships even when it's blatantly instigated by the other party. I promise there's nothing you could have said or done to make him a better person. That's solely a choice he failed to make and had nothing to do with you. I'm wishing you the best going forward.

No. 245905

I'm sorry anon. I've tried to bargain with myself in similar situations as well but, not to be dramatic, it's too soul destroying to maintain forever. I wish it wasn't so incredibly difficult for most men to manage the basics of a healthy relationship but good ones are rare. You are not wrong to want more and personally I think it's better to enjoy singledom (and there really are good parts of it) rather than trying to gaslight yourself into thinking you've got gold when it's just a shiny rock.

No. 245906

The fact that you've communicated about this and only ever been given short spurts of effort says everything you need to know about where this is heading. You're now in a loop where every new discussion on it will feel more and more humiliating and like nagging or begging… all while you pay for the pelasure.

I wouldn't let it knock your confidence, it happens to people of all attractiveness levels. I've left before when we werent in a dead bedroom but were becoming listless in ways where I was too young and had too healthy of a sex drive to settle for it. If a man is regularly fucking you and yet is somehow still making you question yourself in that area.. that weighs heavy. In my own case I kinda wish I had cut off sex at the point where I was feeling low over it. I went ham trying to be a great lover thinking that was the way forward but he got all the benefits and it still didn't change a thing.

No. 245908

File: 1645733908625.png (2.55 MB, 1080x1448, 273210261_10165875363990548_60…)

Am I the only one who, without fail, will have a dead bedroom within at least a year of starting a relationship? Not fully dead, but a quickie every couple weeks level of dead-ish. Of course the common denominator is me - my attraction to men I date just vanish into thin air when things get steady. I have only dated one woman, but then the feelings did not disappear (but there was other issues). A couple straight/bicurious friends say this happens to them too.

No. 245976

you're too obsessed with the high of it all and so you're constantly expecting rushes of adrenaline or 'unique' situations. Common with bi people so im not surprised you're always bored, you've just trained yourself to be that way.

No. 245995

I was going to go out with a guy and he cancelled our date last minute, like an hour before meeting and I blocked him on everything. Did I over react? He gave me a vague excuse that "things came up" and I'm like… sure. Was it a good move on my part?

No. 245997

I get that it's part of my personality, but what does it have to do with being bisexual? Is there a way to train my brain out of it, or am I doomed to be a degenerate because I am bisexual?

No. 246002

You don't owe anything to this dude, he did something to piss you off and that was enough to cut ties, it's not like he is your husband of 10 years.

I'm bi and I'm an extremely boring and uneventful person, this is one of the dumbest anti-bi take I've read here lmao.

No. 246004

When you look back at your relationships which ended up with dead bedroom, was there any active effort from both you and your partners for it to not be the case? Being eager to have sex in any circumstances is normal and common in the beginning of the relationship but as the time passes you need to make sure this is still going on, show initiative, make sure there's intimacy between you and your partner every day outside situations leading straight to sex, treat relationship all the time like it's new, not just something you settle into, so you know: a lot of physical contact like caress, hand holding etc, going out on dates even if you live together, kiss a lot - and not just a peck, make out a bit; discuss your sex life a lot, explore what you like and what can you improve, have more foreplay etc.
Once reading through various relationship related articles I ran into advice to make sure that every day you should kiss your partner for longer than six seconds (not total, one time mini make out session) and I think as simple as it is, there's something there for sure; even if you approach it as a bit of a chore, like "come here, we will make out for 6 seconds now", if you like each other it will excite you, and I think this is what you'd need, right?

No. 246005

Okay ladies. Advice needed. Last year I was with my bf at a car track day. I have no interest in cars I was there to spend time with him. He had a quirky sports car, I was in the car he was at the boot, over walks a girl. They talk for 49 mins, she opens the driver door and asks, is that your bf? I answer yes. She then smiles and go if my bf was talking to a girl then I would be pissed. Weird comment whatever, now she wants a shot of the car so i head to the toilet rather than be evicted. Im raging, she makes a comment when me, my bf and her are all standing there my bf is in dr martens, im in vans. She goes I didn’t know we were wearing docs, so it was directed at him. I was so annoyed. Cut to later she’s following him on insta and he’s following her back. Immediately I speak to him about how she made me uncomfortable and was disrespectful. He blocks her and that’s that. Whatever it’s been dealt with. The other day me and my bf were talking and I go remember that girl at the track, he goes oh yeah blah blah blah she messaged me on my other Instagram account just after I blocked her on my main. I was taken aback, I asked when this happened - it was months ago. I was a bit annoyed why hadn’t he told me? His story also didn’t line up as far as I’m aware. His other account has always been private to my knowledge so he said she replied to a story with a picture of me and him, but you’d need to be following him to do that. I also don’t remember him ever putting a pic of us up on this account. He said his account was public at that point I don’t know how true this is. He said he just deleted the message as soon as he seen who it was from. Ladies I need help

No. 246008

I don't know. The fact he openly brought up her messaging him seems like a good thing. He could've not said anything and you'd have never known otherwise, so that leads me to think he didn't do anything overly devious. At the "worst" maybe he was enjoying the extra validation and entertained this girl's flirting a bit before cutting her off. He probably didn't think it was important enough to bring up before now. I'd only worry if he's not been a good partner otherwise, especially if he has a history of lying or cheating.

No. 246011

This couldn't be more wrong for you but it's true for me. I guess it differs from person to person, original anon can either take it if this is not what she did, or discard if she did that and it didn't work.

No. 246012

I appreciate your advice anon. The kissing thing could be good. However, like >>246006 I do hug and do other intimate shit with him, compliment him and he does compliment me too. We do not make out a lot though, that could be the issue. But I remember being really eager to have sex with my ex gf even though we did not kiss a lot either! I absolutely loved going down on her, but I rarely do that for my bf, it seems like a chore (maybe I should "force myself" do it more?). Maybe it's just me having poisoned my brain with porn and only seeing women as sexual objects. Or something.

It's just fucking weird. In the lesbian relationship I drank spearmint tea to calm my horniness down, as it was bothering my gf, but now it's just gone. And I am obviously not a lesbian either, because I do find men attractive at the start of a relationship or swoon over some male celebrities. Why am I this fucking retarded reeeeee

No. 246013

So you snuggle with your boyfriend every day and don't want to have sex with him? Are you sure you're attracted to him?

No. 246014

I think you might just not be that into men..

No. 246015

Thank you! He has never ever cheated nor would I ever think he would. I just asked him to tell me as soon as it happens and we can laugh at it together. He’s told white lies before, he used to follow a girl with an OF which I said made me uncomfortable he said he didn’t know who she was. I then later was told she went to his high school so that kind of hurt. I just don’t think he thinks about these things. Anyway thanks anon, maybe I blew it out of proportion.

No. 246016

I don't think you blew it out of proportions. I honestly don't even date men who have social media for this reason, there is no reason for a male to follow a woman on instagram other than to drool over her pics. The fact that they basically exchanged socials and flirted right in front of you is a red flag. He shouldn't even entertain random women who walk up to him, literally all he should say is "sorry but I'm here with my girlfriend, bye". He has issues with setting these boundaries because he is still window-shopping and looking for validation despite being with you.

No. 246017

Lol she's about to get cheated on. She's dumb and her bf knows it.

No. 246019

Could have done without the she’s dumb part but sure I’m probably in agreement. Anyways I’m going to dump him soon

No. 246022

>common with bi people
Here we go again…

No. 246030

Why such animosity towards sex? It's just another way to bond and connect with your partner like with hugging, holding hands, kissing, complimenting each other, and so on. None of these things are a waste of time. Have you had bad experiences with sex in the past?

No. 246032

But nobody was talking about having sex all day. And you make it sound like having sex at all = just having sex and not doing anything else. It's a strange conclusion to jump to, implying that people who have sex often have "nothing else" to do when they could just be passionate and very attracted to each other.

No. 246042

>I gotta be touch starved to want sex
Sorry but that sounds weird as fuck and like you don't actually like sex and only do it if it's your only way to get intimacy.

No. 246044

>there is no reason for a male to follow a woman on instagram other than to drool over her pics.
do you also cover up your boyfriend's eyes when there are women nearby?

No. 246045

My boyfriend doesn't look after women in public, that is so disrespectful. Sorry if yours does as well as follows thots on instagram, must be rough, kek.

No. 246046

Have some standards.

No. 246047

>it's disrespectful to have eyes
a whole new level of insecurity just dropped

No. 246048

Scanditard is that you again?

No. 246050

>My boyfriend doesn't look after women in public

No. 246051

If you are with your partner it's disrespectful to check out other women. I also don't check out other men in public. Plus following someone on Instagram means you are literally seeking it out, it's not like they are just women who are walking around in a mall, he is clicking follow on their accounts so he can look at their pictures and probably jerk off to them too.

Sorry you fell for the meme that men are trying to sell to women that you are "insecure" if you expect basic respect and monogamy from your partner. I know you must be seething that there are women like me who don't have to put up with that behavior, kek.

No. 246052

>if a man follows a woman on instagram it's because he's jerking off to her
so do you just date friendless shut ins? or is your ideal man basically mike pence who refuses any sort of contact with half of the world's population?

No. 246053

You don't have to be a shut in to not have social media, your boyfriend would be missing out on exactly 0 things by not following thots on Instagram. Mike Pence is very respectful to his wife and I bet you wish your boyfriend treated you with half the respect he has. I know exactly that you're just coping because your boyfriend lusts after other women and you don't have the self respect to find someone better than that. It's a pity but you don't have to let your anger out on me, you should direct it at the guy who flirts with other women and follows them on Instagram. You wouldn't post about it here if it didn't bother you.

No. 246055

>Mike Pence is very respectful to his wife and I bet you wish your boyfriend treated you with half the respect he has.
damn i can't believe i fell for it

No. 246056

He doesn't go to dinner with other women without his wife present, you seriously have an issue with this? Holy shit you are completely brainwashed. I bet you are totally "okay" with your boyfriend watching porn too.

No. 246057

in the extremely unlikely scenario that you are being serious, pence's mindset has zero to do with respect, he just doesn't see women as human beings worth interacting with outside of a romantic/sexual context + considers them harlot temptresses that he has to completely avoid lest he loses control of himself and gives in to his "urges". a man who would have a social media presence but not follow women on there because he also believes that, as you said, there is no reason for a man in a relationship to follow women on social media other than to jerk off to their pictures would likely see women the same way.

No. 246058

and no, i don't care for men who watch porn but that's because porn is exploitation of women, not because i'm jealous of the woman being exploited wtf

No. 246059

Oh so you probably think men and women can be friends too.. lol. Yeah men literally do not care about women outside of having them as romantic partners. That goes for all men, not just Mike Pence, and your boyfriend as well. They are never friends with ugly women, you ever notice that? How fucking naive are you?

No. 246061

>They are never friends with ugly women, you ever notice that?
okay, sorry you date friendless losers, just like i assumed initially

No. 246062

My boyfriend has plenty of friends that are men. Sorry that your boyfriend is "friends" with a bunch of women and also liking their bikini pics on Instagram and you have to delude yourself about it. Once again, why did you post here to begin with if you didn't have an issue with it? You don't need to bother lying to me or yourself.

No. 246063

and the reasons he refuses to be friends with the other half of the world's population totally have nothing to do with misogyny. and i'm not the op with the issue, i just think you sound retarded and as if you would give your boyfriend brain damage if you could to prevent him from even having a coherent thought about another woman ever again

No. 246064

You must be a complete newfag because you are incredible naive about men and their behavior. Those women your boyfriend follows on Instagram.. are not his friends.

No. 246067

>Those women your boyfriend follows on Instagram.. are not his friends.
of course if a man follows bikini models on ig there's only one reason for that, no one's disputing that. but the anon who i am responding to literally said that there is NO reason for a man to follow women other than to jerk off over them. that's some creepy scrote-tier thinking.

No. 246068

Yeah that's literally how scrotes think tho.

No. 246069

i mean you date men who only see women as sex objects and confuse that with them having respect for you, i'm not surprised about the conclusions you came to based on that sample

No. 246071

Yeah, yeah, your boyfriend is "not like other men" and he truly cares about his hot friends and values their opinions, which is why he follows them on Instagram. He probably calls himself a feminist too. Kek, you are so naive and in for a rude as fuck awakening.

Yes, the men with respect don't follow women on instagram, don't chat up women in public and don't go to dinner with women alone without their partner present. Anything else is disrespectful and it has nothing to do with being a misogynist with no self-control. Your boyfriend is the one who has no self control, but he is selling it to you as "they are just friends" and you BELIEVE IT, like the moron you are. There are probably many moments where you feel rightfully bothered by this behavior and he shuts you down with "don't be insecure" and you blame yourself for it. I would say I pity you but women like you really do it to themselves being pickme's for scrotes and thinking you're the enlightened ones.

No. 246074

>Yeah, yeah, your boyfriend is "not like other men" and he truly cares about his hot friends and values their opinions, which is why he follows them on Instagram. He probably calls himself a feminist too. Kek, you are so naive and in for a rude as fuck awakening.
you sound like one of those women who yells that it's impossible for men not to watch porn and women should just suck it up and date coomers instead. yes, finding a man who is not as misogynist as most is terribly difficult, yes most men are not worth it but why even date men with that attitude? my boyfriend is terrible and just like all other men because he is friends with women but yours totally isn't like other men and he totally refuses to interact with women he isn't fucking out of respect for you? it's funny to call others naive while being this naive yourself.
>There are probably many moments where you feel rightfully bothered by this behavior
no i don't because i'm not insane lol

No. 246075

>you sound like one of those women who yells that it's impossible for men not to watch porn and women should just suck it up and date coomers instead
What? I have literally been saying the opposite of this. I think you shouldn't accept a man who has no self control and doesn't respect you. What a weird fucking way for you to twist that, lol.

>no i don't because i'm not insane lol

Like I said before, I don't know why you bother to lie to yourself and me on here. Maybe it helps you cope with seeing your boyfriends Instagram follow list or something. Keep telling yourself you are totally unbothered. You could literally just dump your trash-tier boyfriend and find a man who doesn't cuck you, but you don't seem to respect yourself enough. Many such cases sadly.

No. 246077

>What? I have literally been saying the opposite of this. I think you shouldn't accept a man who has no self control and doesn't respect you.
you think the vast majority of men being trash means that it's impossible for a man to interact with a woman without secretly jerking off over here. it's the same logic as people who believe that the majority of men being trash means it's impossible for a man not to wank to the exploitation of women and it's just as insane
>Like I said before, I don't know why you bother to lie to yourself and me on here.
i just want you to keep exposing how insane and warped your view of the world is. enjoy having a mental breakdown because your boyfriend said "thank you" to the female cashier, that's definitely the kind of thing a self-respecting woman does.

No. 246078

But I already know your man is trash cause he has Instagram and follows women on there. You already settled for a trash tier man and all you are doing right now is coping about it.

>enjoy having a mental breakdown because your boyfriend said "thank you" to the female cashier, that's definitely the kind of thing a self-respecting woman does.

I see you are now making up scenarios in your head about me being more miserable than you somehow to cope with your shit boyfriend. Must be ROUGH to be you. I am super happy and my boyfriend is very polite to all female staff, he just doesn't check out their ass and their Instagram like yours does.

No. 246080

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ngl this fight is interesting

No. 246081

>But I already know your man is trash cause he has Instagram and follows women on there.
>I see you are now making up scenarios in your head about me being more miserable than you somehow to cope with your shit boyfriend. Must be ROUGH to be you. I am super happy and my boyfriend is very polite to all female staff, he just doesn't check out their ass and their Instagram like yours does.
yeah and doesn't interact with them otherwise because he doesn't see them as huma- i'm sorry, it's of course because he's a super special good boy and just respects you too much to treat other women as human beings as well. yelling about how super happy you are on lolcow definitely makes it sound very believable and true.

No. 246082

I guess liking your friends bikini pics on Instagram is how you show women respect? It's an interesting cope but it just doesn't quite make sense.

No. 246084

ssssssh that hurted

No. 246085

you didn't just say he "doesn't like bikini pics", you said he has absolutely zero female friends and avoids friendship with them. and i'm saying it's insanely naive to call others naive while believing he does this out of respect for you.

No. 246086

You literally think your man is "just friends" with women and follows their Instagram out of respect, I don't even know what to do other than laugh about this. Libfem brainrot at terminal levels.

No. 246087

yeah, when my boyfriend likes a photo of his friend from school who is also the longtime girlfriend of one of his best friend's watering her plants while wearing overalls i'm not assuming he's secretly masturbating to it because i know he's capable of interacting with women as human beings, why the fuck would i be with him if he wasn't? sorry you cannot say the same.

No. 246088

File: 1645812536466.jpg (1.05 MB, 2121x1414, sub-buzz-1003-1591912109-1.jpg)

Found this pic of you and your man as he is respecting women, trying to make a new friend and you are not being insecure about it.

No. 246089

>you're dating a psychopathic autist who hates women!!
>and you are dating a massive coomer and a cheater!!

No. 246090

yeah having female friends and liking their completely normal ordinary life photos is the same as following bikinibabe69 and liking photos of her exposed asshole, you really got me

No. 246091

No. 246092

NTA, but be assured that your Nigel thinks about fucking each and every one of his "just friends" often. You really are delusional about men.

No. 246093

and your nigel who refuses to even look at a woman lest he coom totally never thinks about other women, you hacked his brain. sure.

No. 246094

Also NTA but… you really think the dude who has female friends is the coomer, not the one who has to stop all interaction with other women or he will inevitably cheat? You anons really should go outside more and get to know some actual human beings.

No. 246095

At this point i don't know which anon is more retarded tbh

No. 246096

Literally said nta. I have brothers and I know how men talk when women aren't around and their girlfriends aren't listening. You didn't find some special creature who manages to be friends with women. Men are never friends with women, they base all their relationships with women in their life based on the possibility that they might get sex out of it one day. A man who has "female friends" is just as much friends with women as a man who has no "female friends". Neither of them are friends with women, men are incapable of that. I think a man who is honest about this fact and doesn't line of women to potentially bang one day (aka "friends) is better than a man who is lying to your face about these friendships as he is following their accounts to look at their pictures.

No. 246097

this, based anon

No. 246098

if you think a man has to literally be kept away from all other women at all times, why even date a man? what's the point?
>I think a man who is honest about this fact and doesn't line of women to potentially bang one day (aka "friends) is better than a man who is lying to your face about these friendships as he is following their accounts to look at their pictures.
"all men watch porn, just look at how much they talk about it. you didn't find some special creature who doesn't, i think a man who is honest about the fact that he watches it is better than a man who is lying to your face about not watching it"

No. 246099

Yes, men can't be friends with women. It has nothing to do with being afraid of temptation of cheating, it's just respect for the woman you chose to be the one in your life. Everything else is just men keeping their options open and naive women like Anon thinking this is actual friendship between her bf and those other women. Men most often cheat with friends and coworkers btw. And most of the time it's on women who really believed that him and that other girl were "just friends".

No. 246100

But a good man doesn't need to be "kept away" from women. He choses not to pursue women other than you, he has no need to keep his options open and keep in contact with women he tried to get with in the past (which is exactly what "female friends" are to men).

No. 246102

men simultaneously have so little respect for women that they can only think about them as fuck meat but they also have enough respect for their girlfriends to not interact with them in a friendly manner. yes, it's definitely about respect and not anything else.

No. 246103

>But a good man
see, this is your problem

No. 246104

fr, I've never seen a matchup this good before

No. 246106

you see, a man cannot be friends with women because no man is a good person! but some men are good people which is why they don't interact with women,

No. 246107

Stop the doomsday bullshit about men already. It's completely fine to not want your boyfriend to look at instagram/porn and gawk at other women, while it's also completely fine to let them do that if it doesn't bother you. Just don't try to stay and change your nigel because you can't, leave and find someone who has the same values as you.

No. 246108

You'll be blackpilled on men eventually, they always make sure of that. Enjoy quietly stalking your boyfriends Instagram likes hoping that it's just harmless pics of plants and not your friends ass in a bikini and then coping about how unbothered you are because he is just respecting her.

No. 246109

>It's completely fine to not want your boyfriend to look at instagram/porn and gawk at other women, while it's also completely fine to let them do that if it doesn't bother you.
this is only equivalent if you believe literally every photo with a woman in it is porn (or if you believe that it is like porn to every man in which case, again, why bother dating men?)

No. 246110

>Enjoy quietly stalking your boyfriends Instagram likes hoping that it's just harmless pics of plants and not your friends ass in a bikini and then coping about how unbothered you are because he is just respecting her.
enjoy being "so very happy" with your boyfriend who refuses to treat women as equals and believing it's because he's just such a good guy and respects you so much

No. 246111

You keep coming up with these weird equivalences instead of making a real argument because you're coping. If you were really comfortable with your boyfriends Instagram habits why do you need to defend it so hard to other women on the internet? How do you even know what sort of pictures he likes? Oh yeah, because you stalk his page and are secretly as insecure as you you accuse other people of being.

No. 246112

let's twist this around: if you were really comfortable with your boyfriend not being able to hold a friendship with a woman why do you need to defend it so hard to other women on the internet?
>How do you even know what sort of pictures he likes?
"liked by x and y number other people", dummy

No. 246113

I sleep soundly at night that there are no asses on my boyfriends timeline (cause he has no timeline) and he doesn't want to bang any of his friends because they are all dudes. I literally never have to worry about him because I know he would never put himself into a situation where I would be uncomfortable. Meanwhile you are looking at your boyfriends Instagram likes to see if he's being a respectful good boy. I wouldn't trade my life for yours even if I was paid a million dollars, because I have lived like that in the past and said the same dumb thing you are saying here today and didn't believe it for a second, just like you don't either.

No. 246114

>I sleep soundly at night that there are no asses on my boyfriends timeline (cause he has no timeline)
and if there where, you wouldn't cause you couldn't trust him not to want to fuck them? sad life

No. 246115

I have not posted in this thread yet, just to be clear.

Isn’t it true that everyone on earth, man or woman, single or taken, is going to have fantasies or at least feel subconsciously attracted to other people now and again? Whether that’s on celebrities or people they know in real life.
The thing that matters in a relationship is how they express (or don’t express) that, and how much it affects the real relationship at hand.

That’s just my two cents, and I’d be happy to hear other thoughts on this.

No. 246116

>you see, a man cannot be friends with women because no man is a good person
Thi is literally true

No. 246117

Weird "what if" theory from you again cause you literally can not imagine a man who doesn't feel the need to look at other women because he is confident and happy with his woman and doesn't need to go window-shopping like your moid.

No. 246118

so this is true yet also
>a man who doesn't feel the need to look at other women because he is confident and happy with his woman
a man can be a good person and do this? but of course, only if it's your autismoid. he's just special like that and not like other moids.

No. 246119

Men like that are pretty rare, but I don't think it's just mine. My dad is like this as well and still loves my mom and only looks at her after many years of marriage. I mean you will probably never know this kind of relationship because you settled for the average garbage moid.

No. 246121

>Men like that are pretty rare
yet a man who isn't sexually interested in women other than his girlfriend but also still friendly to the women in his life is not just rare but straight up unthinkable? okay.

No. 246122

There's a difference between being friendly with women you interact with (cashiers, waitresses, clerks etc.) and going out alone with "female friends" and following their Instagram to see their selfies. Sorry you can't tell the difference, you'd probably become suicidal if you could read your man's thoughts for a single day.

No. 246124

Nta but good point

No. 246125

>you'd probably become suicidal if you could read your man's thoughts for a single day.
and just because your man doesn't have an instagram you think you wouldn't? how many mroe times are you going to talk about men being bad while implying yours is One of the Good Ones

No. 246127

You really are a newfag if you don't know that most of this website thinks men are fucking terrible. As straight women we just have to be realistic about it and try to find a rare specimen that is not like the rest. Maybe you should go back to Instagram/reddit/twitter where women who have an issue with men's disgusting leering after other women are called insecure and men are praised for having "female friends" and liking their selfies because that means they are basically feminists and respect wahmen.

No. 246128

>As straight women we just have to be realistic about it and try to find a rare specimen that is not like the rest.
right, so a man who is capable of having normal relationships and friendships with women without wanting to fuck them. glad we agree!

No. 246129

There are no men who can be friends with women, what you have is a man who is keeping his options open.

No. 246130

"you can find men who are more decent than others" "not in this one way though, the decentness is reserved for my nigel only"

No. 246131

I said before that it's not "just my Nigel", it's just that most men are like your Nigel and most women are naive like you and fall for the "don't worry babe, she's just a friend" bullshit that scrotes have been pulling on women since the dawn of time.

No. 246133

>I said before that it's not "just my Nigel"
yeah, there' mike pence! great company to be in and definite proof that not having female friends is something men do out of respect

No. 246135

He doesn't dine with other women without his wife? What liberal twitter retard told you this is a bad thing?

No. 246139

Nta but, isn’t it because he was supposed be going to professional-setting dinners with people he had business with, and some of them happened to be women, so he opted out?
Imagine being one of those women in the position to be having business with the Vice President, and he won’t show up at a dinner with you there because you have certain genitalia. It’s as if that’s all he could see.

Also, newsflash: everyone fantasizes, regardless of however many friends of the opposite sex they have. I don’t believe it’s necessarily problematic in and of itself. Is everyone in this argument squeaky clean of never doing it?

No. 246141

But looking at a woman and seeing a vagina is something you do when you respect women, didn't you know?

No. 246147

He just takes his wife to his business dinners like most people do who take their spouse with them to such occasions. What the hell is wrong with that? The media blew this so much out of proportion like he hates every woman he works with or something. There's nothing wrong with a married man not wanting to dine with women who are not his wife, you can literally just write a mail or go to his office if you have anything work related to discuss, why does it need to be over a private dinner?

No. 246149

It's honestly amazing how pressed you are, definitely not insecure, lmao.

No. 246154

File: 1645824715006.jpg (32.37 KB, 275x241, 1643927623308.jpg)

Why does my ex still write me using lame excuses even though he has a serious gf of almost a year that constantly posts photos of them kissing and shit?
I've told him many times I don't want friendship. To only contact me with absolutely vital stuff (I meant like family member dying).
I'm back to blocking him now. I don't really like him, he's hurt me deeply and his gf also is the type of person I quite dislike (wannabe insta model with no following).
Is he unhappy in his new relationship? Doesn't seem like it from the photos. Is he just trying to stroke his ego?I obviously don't want him, block him everywhere yet he still tries to contact me. He also didn't want me. The fuck is his deal? Nostalgia??

No. 246156

He's a shitty scrote and gets off on toying with your emotions. Block him and send the messages to his new gf. If not for her since you don't like her then just to make his life suck for a bit so he takes the hint and leaves you tf alone. Even if she doesn't believe you or says she doesn't care, it will definitely come up and make him sweat.

No. 246164

My boyfriend who I started dating when he was still in university got a job! He seems so happy and motivated and while I'm happy for him I feel weird about how our dynamics might change? I've been the one who pays for everything since the beginning and while he did help with whatever money he got this is going to be different!
We always joke about the size of my theoric dick and how big it is every time I pay for things.
Am I being an idiot for getting upset about this? God I'm a scrote. How can I just enjoy this? Is a nice change!

No. 246165

if he wanted to, he would. my ex-boyfriend spent like $700-ish on his computer stuff but basically refused to get me a birthday gift. why do scrotes

No. 246171

Because they think you'll put up with it. My ex didn't get me a gift for my birthday, and also asked me to get the groceries. I dumped him and moved in with one of my girl friends a few days after.

No. 246172

Glad you at least realize this is a scrote way of thinking; you need to believe what you have in this relationship is real regardless of any party's financial input; just the fact he will no longer be financially dependent on you shouldn't make you feel worried since it should have no influence on the way you two feel about each other - actually it may strengthen your bond now that you're on the "even" ground.

No. 246217

>>Sorry to crosspost from /ot/

Im falling out of love with my 5 year bf (who lightly*financially supports me but doesnt engage me/understand me anymore) and in love with my roommate who provides emotional support, has things in common w/ me, cooks for me, and we communicate so much better…

And it would be one thing if my roommate was poly and i could maybe just date him too, but hes very strictly monogamous… and honestly i would prefer that with him to my current closed relationship to a poly serial cheater.

I have this guilty pleasure of masturbating to the idea of dominating him (my roommate) into a loyal dog, hes already so loyal and lightly flirts and teases me all the time but much more frequently… but its getting to the point thats not enough for me.

I have not had sex with my bf for- Idk how long now… Months. But, just yesterday night getting a wrist massage from my roommate got me soo frustratingly hot & bothered. We were barely holding hands… He immediately got up from the couch and into the other room once he stopped massaging my wrist, i am 100% its because it got him off too.

I feel nasty for writing this all out but i need to say this somewhere bc i know im stuck in this situation… Idk how to leave someone i've lived with for 4 years, i made life plans with, and lived through heavy moments together, but dont know him anymore.

And in that same amount of time i keep growing closer to my roommate. I have been longing for him for honestly years- But hes also been one of my best friends… And its starting to feel like a delusional crush or an obsession? It feels unfair to hide, but do i like that i have a secret crush? Is that what actually gets me off?? I feel like an infatuated sicko.

(Ps. Worst past yet! 3-4 years ago Poly bf gave me his blessing to sleep with roomie before we actually lived together. but through getting to know roomie, hes too sensitive to just sleep around with friends, hes def yearning for the domestic husbando life)

No. 246231

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No. 246233

Doesn't matter the way it started IMHO. If you give him reassurance about this i think he could be more honest about the theme

No. 246234

WTF kind of advice you want for this shit? Break up with your boyfriend already before you cheat on him.

No. 246241

File: 1645877445965.jpeg (114.81 KB, 275x260, 1640977000356.jpeg)

Thank you anon, I was extra stupid yesterday. He told me randomly everything he'd like to get with his first paycheck and he just wants to give me things to make my life better like a bed that doesn't wreck my back. I feel grateful and no longer pressed because my bf could, god lord, dare to pay the check lmao

No. 246243

>And it would be one thing if my roommate was poly and i could maybe just date him too, but hes very strictly monogamous…
>my current closed relationship to a poly serial cheater.
>I have this guilty pleasure of masturbating to the idea of dominating him (my roommate) into a loyal dog
>But, just yesterday night getting a wrist massage from my roommate got me soo frustratingly hot & bothered.
>3-4 years ago Poly bf gave me his blessing to sleep with roomie before we actually lived together.
mentally ill beyond belief

No. 246250

you're on the wrong site, I think you're looking for r/relationship_advice/

No. 246254

Not any of the anons involved in this retarded argument and I'm sorry in advance if this reignites it but lol my moid would also probably become suicidal if he knew who I fantasize about and how. I straight up have/used to have a mini crush on one of his friends that I will never ever actually act on in any way. You keep that shit inside your own head where it can't hurt your partner and don't act on it. It's that simple. Are you actually telling me that once I'm with a moid I'm supposed to let him take over my thoughts and never find someone else attractive again, not even a celebrity or a fictional character? You sound like a Mormon child bride, go sweep the floors or something

No. 246256

Do you follow his friend on Instagram and like his pictures?

Also personally I do not fantasize about other people, but I'm the kind of person who is only attracted to people I am in love with, plus I would feel disgusting about doing that. I can objectively notice that someone is attractive, but I don't start to imagine having sex with them.

No. 246257

>You sound like a Mormon child bride, go sweep the floors or something
And you sound like you are unhappy in your relationship if you fantasize about your boyfriends friends. Calling people who are happy to only have sex with their partners and don't desire other people "mormon child brides" says more about you than anyone else.

No. 246258

I follow most of his friends on Instagram and I like their photos cause they are cool/interesting people, not to fucking masturbate over them
Sorry but no, your little armchair psychology experiment failed. I'm very happy and secure in the fact that this is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. I don't actually want to have sex with anyone else which is why I never acted on the dumb crush. But that doesn't mean I'm not going to find an attractive person attractive, I'm not a robot.

No. 246260

You're having sexual fantasies about his friend and getting off on it, you want to fuck him clearly and probably would if it didn't ruin your relationship. You wouldn't even think about this if you truly loved your boyfriend.

No. 246261

No I don't lol, people fantasize about all sorts of things they don't want to do in real life. You think the nonnas in the sexual fantasy thread actually want to fuck blue slime in real life?

No. 246263

It's a bit different to fantasize about impossible scenarios like slime and a person you actually know in real life, whom you have probably in the same room with at the same time as your boyfriend. I'd feel so gross if I was you.

No. 246264

It's the same level of fictional to me because I would never even entertain it in real life. I've been with my moid for years and plan to stay even longer. If we, as I hope we will, stay together for the rest of our lives? Am I supposed to only ever fantasize about him until death?

No. 246266

If you can't stand the thought of one person forever then he's not the one for you or you are just not made for monogamy.

Imagine if your boyfriend fantasized about your friends and how you would feel.

No. 246268

I can stand the thought of being with only one person forever just fine. The idea of also only ever sexually fantasizing about the same person is ludicrous, though. People don't control who/what they find hot and who they get crushes on, only whether they act on it.

No. 246269

>that doesn't mean I'm not going to find an attractive person attractive
The reason why people are arguing with you is because you're equating finding a person attractive with fantasizing about them and this may be shocking to you, but that's not the same thing. Finding somebody attractive doesn't mean you need to imagine fucking them.

No. 246270

You can control your own thoughts. You know it would hurt your boyfriend if he found out but you still do it, you know you would be hurt by it if your boyfriend did the same with your friends and you still do it. I think that if you truly find the one that you don't need to think about other people like that anymore because you are entirely fulfilled. You just haven't found him yet.

No. 246272

Exactly. Personally I wouldn't do things that I would be uncomfortable to admit to my boyfriend. Anything you have to keep secret from your partner because it would hurt their feelings if they found out is something that you shouldn't be doing.

No. 246276

And why not fantasize in private if I want to get off and it hurts no one? Am I only ever supposed to think of my moid and myself doing it missionary style for the purposes of procreation?
Lay off the advice auntie tone, the reality is you could be with the greatest and hottest person in the world and still find yourself occasionally fantasizing about other people, especially if you stay together for a very long time. Private thoughts hurt no one, they aren't actions. Even in a relationship you should be allowed to remain your own person and keep some things private.

No. 246277

You tell your moid literally every single thought than goes through your head? That's both insane and impossible

No. 246280

>my moid
Kek, just say boyfriend.

No. 246281

NTA but normal people in happy relationships tend to not think of stuff that will hurt their partner so no, that's not insane or impossible

No. 246286

Right? People have been overdoing it with the moid stuff the past couple years. Looking at older threads makes me realize how much cooler the older posters were.

No. 246288

agreed, clearly you don't think of him as a moid if he's your boyfriend. It's cringe.

No. 246289

I just feel sad for you cause you have obviously never experienced a fulfilling love where your partner is enough for you and fantasizing about having sex with him is just the hottest thing you can imagine and thinking about things that would hurt him is the worst thing you can imagine and just the thought of someone else feels disgusting. That is what true love feels like. You sound very jaded and bitter and honestly kind of like a moid who thinks no woman could ever be enough for him and he needs to think about other women and watch porn even while in a relationship. Depressing as fuck, I'm glad I'm not you.

No. 246290

It's been a few days but yes, it is only long-distance. I haven't been outside in a long time and I've never had a real relationship that wasn't online due to my social fears. It is stupid, I know.

No. 246293

Alright, my fiancé, happy now? He can take a joke, he wouldn't be offended by this and having to censor myself on a forum he has no idea about is just as ridiculous as having to censor my thoughts
Private thoughts do not hurt anyone
It's not about your partner "not being enough", it's just something you do for the fun of it and cause it means nothing. You can have "enough" in real life and still fantasize about something different because that's how fantasies work. I honestly don't know what to tell you, you sound like you just stumbled into your first LTR and are now acting ~enlightened~ because of it. "People in happy loving relationships never even fantasize about others" is a view only someone with little to no relationship experience could have.

No. 246295

Lol you're gonna marry this dude you don't even love. Is his friend you want to fuck gonna be his best man? You're setting both of you up for misery, how awful.

No. 246297

If it helps you cope to believe I'm miserable then go on by any means, we can continue this argument in like 10 years when you actually have some life experience

No. 246299

>"People in happy loving relationships never even fantasize about others" is a view only someone with little to no relationship experience could have.
Keep coping, lol. I'm with someone I actually love and I could never imagine fucking another man, just the thought makes me feel beyond awful because of how much it would hurt him. I could never get off to that. I also just don't WANT any other men, because I actually love my man unlike you who imagines banging all his friends. I can't wait to spend the rest of my life only having sex with my man because he fulfills me and in all the years we have been together I have never gotten bored of him. I guess you will never know what that's like.

No. 246301

You can't even make a proper argument without making random baseless assumptions about me. Seems like you know I am right since you can't refute anything I say without "hurr durr you must be young and inexperienced". I'm more experienced than you, since I know what love feels like and you obviously don't. Seems like you very much lack some experience.

No. 246302

> I'm with someone I actually love and I could never imagine fucking another man
Great if that's how things work for you, it's not like that for many people though and I'd guess you are probably in the minority there. You don't have to imagine anything you don't want to lol, it's weird to insist everybody should be like you or they're secretly unhappy though
>I can't wait to spend the rest of my life only having sex with my man
Awesome, me too!
It's cause your point of view of "everybody not like me is not truly happy and in love" is an insanely immature and narrow one

No. 246303

I'm sure many people are like you and eventually settle for someone they are comfortable with and then just keep fantasizing about other people, it's hard to find true love after all. That's why so many people end up with dead bedrooms and so many men watch porn. I'm glad I don't have to settle for that.

No. 246306

I think it's normal to find other people attractive and anons who say they will never find anyone else attractive do also strike me as immature, if anything because amongst the billions of people living on this planet you're bound to find more than one attractive at the same time, and it's a kind of absolute moral purity that I don't think is possible or even enviable. All the while, I think you should voluntarily refrain yourself from encouraging this natural tendency because what good comes out of it? You're just subcounsciously going to compare your bf to another man and reinforce your attraction to this rando. It's like playing with fire. That's also one reason why porn is fucked up in relationships, it's making the fantasy of variety even more explicit. I think love should be nurtured everyday and this requires watching out for your basest instincts.

No. 246307

NTAYRT but I think that's what makes fidelity and loyalty so admirable. There will always be other people who you will be attracted to but you don't pursue those attractions because you value and respect what you have. I don't think there's anything wrong with letting a crush play out in your head to get over it, we can't control feelings after all. The way I see it, if you're not even attracted to anyone else in the first place, your fidelity has more to do with you than your feelings for the other person, idk how to word this properly

No. 246311

>if you're not even attracted to anyone else in the first place
Imo, easily getting crushes on others as well as fantasizing about them is a sign of someone who is fickle and values variety way too much, or isn't getting their needs met in the relationship. Maybe even a mixture of both, because eventually most people (understandably) settle for someone who is good enough unless they are lucky or stubborn enough to keep searching for someone they are fully compatible with.
I can see what you're saying, you value someone having those traits and choosing to be faithful vs. someone who never has those urges at all because it isn't part of their nature to have them.

No. 246313

It's not about objectively knowing other people are attractive, it's about having sexual fantasies about other people, and some of those other people being YOUR BOYFRIENDS BEST FRIEND.

If you get crushes on other people while in a relationship, your relationship sucks and you are not really in love or fulfilled. There should be no room in your head to fantasize about others if you are truly happy and in love.

No. 246314

Does anyone have experience with their current/ex boyfriend trooning out?

No. 246321

I can see why the other anons are calling you immature now, you sound maybe 16 at the oldest.

No. 246325

I'm 27 and it took me several relationships to find that person that is just perfect for me in every way then the thought of fucking anyone else just doesn't appeal to me anymore at all. I don't know what's immature about that, it seems more immature to have never experienced this feeling and think that you have to settle for someone you don't truly love. You won't know what it's like until it happens to you. Personally I hope that all of you find this kind of love, but I guess a lot of you are happy to just settle with a random dude and then jerk off to your husbandos. Pretty sad if you ask me.

No. 246327

It's not even what you're saying as much as the bullheaded attitude of "everyone else is doing love wrong" that makes you sound immature. But in terms of what you are actually saying, "if you are truly in love you shouldn't have the space to even think of anyone else" is the attitude of young lovers in the infatuation stage. Once you have kids, bills, grueling jobs, other responsibilities, have lived together long enough that you've seen the worst of the other person and know their grossest habits, it does happen a lot that a new person showing up who you don't have the same familiarity with will appear exciting and a crush will develop. The trick is to remember that the familiarity also means you have seen the best of the person you're with and that newness isn't worth throwing love and respect out of the window for. And if you can do that, I don't think it makes you any less in love than the person who doesn't get crushes.
You honestly sound mightily condescending and know-it-all,I wish you the best but I have a feeling that things will blow up in your face eventually and the heartbreak will be so much worse than it would be for the more jaded nonnas.

No. 246328

sorry if this is long but my best friend’s younger brother recently confessed to me & i can’t forget about it. he’s 6 years younger than me (20 whilst i’m 26) and has supposedly liked me for years. i became friends with his sister online when we were both 15, she’s my closest friend. i first met her brother when i was 18 and he was 12 (the first time i came over to her house) but we never really spoke, other than saying hello to each other.
the 1st time i had a proper conversation was right before his high school graduation were he told me he had crush on me and i rejected him and told him it would never happen. i assumed he got over it and we never spoke again until last week when he let me know that his feelings are unchanged. i rejected him again but i feel weird…i’ve been thinking about him nonstop & having dreams of us dating.
i’m also starting to think he told his sister/my best friend because recently she’s been joking about me and him together, saying things like “my brother really likes that show you’re watching, you and him are perfect for each other” or “my brother is always mentioning you, date already” i seriously can’t tell if she’s just playing around or hinting at something. idk what to do.
i know i sound stupid but i can’t stop thinking about him. would it really be bad for me to like him back? it’s my best friend’s birthday next month so i’ll be visiting her house again and will have to see him and i’m feeling really nervous. i can’t believe i might actually like him.

No. 246329

NTA but do you have kids, grueling job and all the other thing you've listed which would make you an expert on how an actual mature long term relationship is like? I'm with the other anon, finding people attractive is one thing, obsessively fantasizing about fucking them is wrong and shouldnt be considered normal.

No. 246333

I do actually have them, I'm speaking from experience here. I don't think I've ever had a TRUE full-on crash, meaning actual feelings, but I definitely felt attraction towards people and I'll fantasize about some celebs in my own private time. I've been with my husband 12 years now in total, I love him and still find him the most attractive man in the world but thinking only about him every single day for 12 years is an insane standard to hold me to.

No. 246336

Right, a hard job makes you more attracted to other people and want to fantasize about fucking your boss or what are you trying to say? Having babies somehow makes you fantasize about other people? Those are just excuses that people make for their shitty relationships. Not gonna blogpost about my relationship here even tho you are trying to bait me into it to "proof" that I am having a real relationship with hardships and ups and downs (I am). I guess you can keep thinking I am immature because I have experienced something that you haven't and can't relate to. I'm gonna judge you tho for indulging your fantasies about others while you would probably be heartbroken if you found out your partner did the same.

No. 246337

I think this also depends on what we mean by "getting a crush on", "finding attractive", etc. For example for me you can find someone attractive without wanting to fuck them consciously. Before going full blown crush and fantasizing, there are other signs: finding someone pleasant looking, wanting to talk a lot, the excitement of spending time with someone new, etc. It's not directly furiously jerking off to a random guy that you met. So for me, I think you should restrain from letting this progress grow too much. But at the same time going through this doesn't mean you aren't truly in love, simply that you are taking the risk of weakening it, which is something I think a lot of people do, a risk I took before and it ended up happening, so now I think I will be more careful the thoughts I reinforce and those I discard.

And if truly you find every other man repulsive after finding your nigel, then congrats, but it seems unlikely to happen to me and it's not a standard I would hold my partner to.

No. 246340

I mean the routine and monotony of daily life, it makes you fantasize about something new and exciting in different ways. And yes, I wouldn't want to hear about his fantasies nor do I want to tell him mine. But I assume he does have them. And what am I gonna do, try to control his thoughts? Be single unless I find the one perfect Nigel who insists he totally doesn't ever think of women who are not me even for a moment? He is still very much attracted to me, treats me lovingly and isn't a coomer who would let some fantasies distract him from the real thing. And I'm happy with that.

No. 246341

Are you even attracted to him? I think you don't know how to feel because he is your friend's brother and he's had a long term crush on you, which is an unusual situation to be in. From your post you seem more confused than flattered, and you should definitely not read into dreams too much as they rarely mean anything, just a reflection of the current events in your life. I think you should just be polite with him and reject him if he asks you out again.

No. 246357

>I mean the routine and monotony of daily life, it makes you fantasize about something new and exciting
You're literally just unhappy with your life and instead of fixing it you fantasize about other people. That's exactly how dead bedrooms happen. Obviously you need to keep things exciting after having been together for many years, but that means doing new things with your partner, not fantasizing about other people. If you can even do that with a clean conscience while you know how much it would hurt your partner, your relationship just isn't good.

No. 246365

>but that means doing new things with your partner, not fantasizing about other people.
You can do both? I don't see how having a silly romantic fantasy about the Italian Eurovision guy means I can't plan a date night with my husband for later that week. That's why I said fantasies are fine as long as they don't interfere with the real thing.
>If you can even do that with a clean conscience while you know how much it would hurt your partner
Respectfully, I know my husband better than you do. I cannot imagine him wanting to hear about my celebrity crush fantasies nor would I about his but I cannot imagine him freaking out about them and acting betrayed over me having them. If the "no fantasizing about other people" standard works for you and your boyfriend, great. But most people do not hold each other to that and are perfectly happy regardless.

No. 246367

Most people are not perfectly happy, lol. Look at the divorce rates and how many people just don't have sex anymore years into their relationship. It's because they replace intimacy with your partner with fantasies about others (that turn into reality with others). If your sex-life isn't already dead then it's only a matter of time.

No. 246368

Alright, we've shat up the thread enough as it is, I'll admit it: you know best how everyone else feels and you know that no matter what they say they are all truly unhappy. Only you are happy with your boyfriend who will definitely not even think about another woman for even a second for the rest of your lives.

No. 246369

I feel like fantasies about celebrities / anime husbandos / whatever are still a whole different thing than a situation this whole discussion began with which was an anon obsessively thinking about fucking her flatmate

No. 246372

Honestly, if her boyfriend is a cheater polycuck then her greatest sin isn't the fantasies but still being with that guy in the first place. Though I also think the flatmate deserves better than someone who would have BDSM fantasies about him while hoping he would join a polycule with them and their scumbag bf. Smell of reddit all over that post.

No. 246373

please give some opinions on this situation

I’m 19 and the guy i’m talking to is 25, i’ve fallen head over heels in love with him we mostly talk/text and this whole time it’s felt one sided untill yesterday, we started flirting and out of the blue he texted me at 3:35 AM i love you (not platonically), and i being the absolute retard that i am said i love you back, and then no answer and it’s been a whole day and i’ve not gotten a single text back but he’s been online all day, I don’t want to throw a pity party but I’m just tired of being lead on

No. 246374

Ignore other anons. Men always fantasize about other women or even men if you're unlucky, kek. You can have fantasies as long as they dont interfere with your relationship with your husband.

No. 246375

Talk to men your age.

No. 246379


It’s easier said than done, I try to but i’ve known this guy since i was 18 and he’d always make advances towards me and shit and now i’m hung up over him for no reason, i’m not a victim, but i just can’t seem to let him go/move on

No. 246381

I don't think you're a victim but he has more experience and this will probably be your first adult relationship while it won't be the case for him. Also he'll be super boring to you since you're 19 and exploring and learning new stuff while he probably has his life figured out more or less. You can try talking to other guys, that's the easiest way to get over him if that's what you want.

No. 246394

He was probably just drunk

No. 246410

Can someone tell me why dating men that play games a lot is a bad idea?

No. 246415

Do you mean video games?

No. 246417

No. 246418

Imho it's as much as a meme as scrotes saying that dating horse girls is a bad idea. I think maybe in general gamers would be more likely to be autists and be terminally online but you still have to judge everyone individually.

No. 246419

Wanted to add my two cents to the argument but I won't respond to anyone who replies to this. I don't fantasize about other men, I don't have male friends and I don't follow men on social media. When I met my boyfriend I made sure my feeds became more targeted to my hobbies and relationship advice etc. same with my bf, he doesn't have female friends nor does he follow females on social media. I don't know if he fantasizes about other women, he might, but I know I don't. I asked him if he does after I read all these posts and he felt quite hurt and said he only thinks about me.
I don't think its being immature or a mormon child bride, we tell eachother we love eachother every day and are always doing/saying dirty things to one another.
If I involved other men into my life via feeds or fantasies or actually hanging out with them I think it would kill a lot of the cute moments we have in the relationship such as randomly hugging and kissing and dancing in the kitchen while cooking. I think because we just have our eyes for eachother we get to really explore and play out our journey like in the love songs.
Just my 2 cents, I don't care if I get called an idiot, I'm super happy without extra men in my life and in my head and yes you can control this. Sage for nothing new.

No. 246423

>I asked my boyfriend if he ever thinks about other women and he said no

No. 246425

why, is your bf about to?

No. 246431

completely cutting out the opposite sex from your life to feed some stupid childish romantic fantasy is just indescribably retarded.

No. 246437

nta but
>childish romantic fantasy
you mean true love? people are allowed to only focus on one another if they're in a relationship.

No. 246442

Theres no point in having males in your life (excet bf). Moids hate women. I cut off moids and my life is a lot better. I refuse to watch male youtubers or even have male friends. Life is better that way imo.

No. 246443

Its most likely a triggered scrote

No. 246444

Males who play videogames are autistic and have anger issues and theyre most likely anime fans and you know male anime fans are pedophiles. Male gamers are worthless, do better.

No. 246445

>most people are happy
when stats show women are unhappier when theyre married? Males are happy to have bangmaid sex slaves kek straight women barely get orgasms.

No. 246446

Based. Only gay men can be friends with women. If youre a woman and you think your straight male friends view you as a friend and not as a sex object he could potentially fuck then youre retarded kek

No. 246465

Gay men can't be friends with women. All gay men are hateful and envious of women deep down. Arguably even straight men would be better friends since they securetly want to fuck you but at least don't have womb envy.

No. 246468

Some of y'all seriously have issues. All of this anti-female/male friends talk is beyond insane and I refuse to believe it's not just bait. Go catch fish somewhere else and stop flooding the advice thread with your bullshit.

No. 246470

Based. The only real answer.

No. 246471

I don't get it when straight women say moids are horrible and they don't even befriend them but then get married to, give birth to children of, feed and take care of a moid. Maybe it's because I'm bi and have other choices but it really doesn't make sense to be with a man knowingly and even cut out every other man, half of the population, from your life for him, make a huge life change for a moid just to stroke his ego.

No. 246472

The guy I'm dating bitches whenever I go to his place that he's sick because he doesn't eat. He constantly says his stomach hurts and that he feels lightheaded. When we go out to order food, he barely eats it. What kind of attention seeking behavior is this? He also constantly complains about being suicidal, apparently it runs in his family. Doesn't bother me as much as the food stuff though because it seems like a lot of people nowadays always have the woe-is-me shtick going on.

No. 246473

Nta, but I agree. "Men hate women and I cut them out of my life, but also I need a bf"? Clearly you do have men in your life if you found a boyfriend in the first place. It's fine to date men it's unreasonable to expect straight women to just not have a romantic life but what is with this weird misandrist larp.

No. 246474

They had to cut off the males because of their bf and can't admit.

No. 246475

>What kind of attention seeking behavior is this?
Anorexic behaviour.
Anyway, dude doesn't eat and doesn't want to live. I don't see how you can find happiness there.

No. 246476

I don't see how this doesn't make sense? Men and women can't be friends, but they can be in relationships. I truly believe this and I know this mostly because all of my male friends actually stopped talking to ME once I got a boyfriend. They lost all interest in being my "friend" immediately. Men don't want to be your friends, they just want to be with you, so pick one to be your boyfriend and then have women as your actual friends.

No. 246478

That's one thing but anon was talking about how she hated men and that's why she cut off her male friends while also dating and making huge choices for another man.

No. 246488

What do you think about this anons? I'm dating a guy for 4 years now, and looking back at the 1st year he used to be rather cold towards me (which I put up with because low self esteem); to the point of telling me once he doesn't think he will ever love me "because what does it even mean to love someone, I just like you very much" (I know, cringe); I also learned that with his exes he introduced them to his parents just few months into the relationship, while it took much longer in my case (they live in a different country but that wasn't a problem in the past apparently).
Ever since that first year things got steadily better, he became caring, loving and affectionate, went as far as saying that he thought he doesn't care about marriage but our relationship is so special it makes him want to get married; things were not always perfect because of my mental illness but he always was there for me etc.
Last 3 years of relationship I loved; this is everything I ever dreamed to have with another person, but I keep being haunted by the memories of that first year and things that were said. Do you think it's possible to move past that? If you were in my situation, do you think you'd also have doubts?

No. 246490

I have no advice but
>If you were in my situation, do you think you'd also have doubts?
1000% yes. For me it'd be hard to find trust again after those things were said.

No. 246491

It sounds to me like he was still hung up about his previous relationship or some other girl in the beginning and maybe you were his rebound? I think if your relationship is good now and you are happy you should try to forget about it (if you can) because it's a stupid thing to break up over. It still sucks to know but if you do end up getting married it will be a very distant memory after like 10 years together. What matters is that he got over it.

No. 246493

Maybe he was burnt out by his exes and was guarded but loves you. Idk. I think it's nice he expressed he wants to marry you.

No. 246494

Thank you very much anons, this is a a very likely scenario. I wouldn't want to jeopardize something good just because we weren't on the same page for some time in the beginning. I'm seeing a therapist and hopefully will be able to combat my low self-esteem, and seems like that would be helpful with going forward, regardless where exactly that would lead.
I'm grateful for your response too, >>246490 , of course it's retarded to think I'm the only person who would ever feel like this but in a way I do? So I'm thankful to see someone else would also have doubts here.

No. 246499

Maybe, I don't know, try to talk to him about it?

No. 246500

I totally understand where you're coming from, I was always a bit hung up about the fact that when I started dating my boyfriend I wasn't "his type" and he usually went after women who were tomboys and cool girls with short hair and leather jackets and I am very feminine, very girly and more of a mothering type who is very sensitive an definitely not cool. But over time he told me that he learned that I am actually exactly what he needs in his life and we balance each other out perfectly and that's why he is still with me after several years while his relationships with the cool girls always failed and ended in big disasters. It's hard to think about that maybe your boyfriend didn't want you 100% in the beginning, but you gotta remember that men are pretty retarded and don't always know what they want and what they need. Then they realize that once you bring out the best in them and make them happy that you are actually amazing and they got super lucky.

No. 246501

I talked to him a lot about it already but when you have deeply rooted trust issues it's not that easy to solve with just conversations unfortunately.
Thank you, this is very reassuring! You're right people often don't know what exactly they want, and not like it's impossible to change your mind once you get to know someone closer? Still painful to think it wasn't 100% from the start but I'm happy to know you were in similar situation and it worked out so well for you.

No. 246537

File: 1645980024814.jpg (55.87 KB, 626x417, smiley-woman-sleeping-peaceful…)

>how i sleep at night knowing i'll never have to deal with a shitty boyfriend or relationship problems

No. 246538

>They had to cut off the males because of their bf and can't admit.
fucking THIS. All of this "I don't have male friends cause I can only think of my bf, I don't need other moids" stuff is just women trying to appease jealous, possessive scrotes and trying to dress it up as some misandrist separatist action because they know they will get made fun of on here otherwise. The anon who called it a childish romantic fantasy is also correct because this is clearly coming from women who never outgrew the "growls you are MINE" angsty fanfiction idea of love.

These threads have been shit for a while now but the past few days really showcased that nonnas are asking for advice from some of the most neurotic, dysfunctional people out there.

No. 246546

Listen to this anon. Don't know how many more times women will have to be told this: do not date men (or women too, for that matter) who claim to have some sort of issues, be suicidal or depressed unless they can prove they have put in the work and fully dealt with those issues. Unless they are "depressed" in the quirky depression meme sense in which case don't date them cause that kind of self-pity is fucking annoying.
I wish I finished things with my ex when I found out she had anorexia. But I stayed long enough that by the time I got rid of the dead weight (pun?), I ended up needing therapy myself. People like that are leeches that will suck the life out of you.

No. 246558

Anyone here codependent? I'm in an exclusive but casual relationship because I plan to move country in the next 6 months, but it's bugging me that I'm so preoccupied with him. Not nearly so much as actual boyfriends, but I think about him a lot, more than anything else in my life. And i'm treated respectfully, I feel treated more like a girlfriend than a hookup. He's not shitty so it's not like his behavior is a problem (but also I wouldn't consider him as serious material for me).

When I'm properly single though, it's not like I have a super interesting life. I go on walks in nature and reflect, or entertain myself with media, I don't have many friends but i'm content because i'm dedicated to a stress-free life and don't like to push myself to go rock climbing or whatever. So advice of distract yourself with other things kind of falls flat for me, because all those activities allow you to drift off. So what's there to do? I'm not too willing to give the whole thing up because it's the most eventful thing in my life right now without actually being a source of stress, as I implied.

No. 246559

let the argument die

No. 246560

Which argument?

No. 246561

you know

No. 246564

this is gonna be such a cliche but how can i get over a heartbreak? i finally had the guts to cut off a guy that took me for granted for so long and who basically told me that he only wants to fuck around despite him "liking" me and i feel like i am grieving what we could've been. i'd like to keep in touch with him as friends but i am pretty sure i won't get over him if i do that. how can i stop feeling like shit nonnas i really thought i had it this time

No. 246565

no, i haven't had a chance to post yet, let me weigh in.
> all of my male friends actually stopped talking to ME once I got a boyfriend. They lost all interest in being my "friend" immediately.
this has never happened to me because i have actual friends, not orbiters i keep around because i enjoy the attention. this is a you problem.
ok now we can let it die.

No. 246578

Lmao look at you pickme bitch, you're not like other women huh? You have REAL male friends who totally don't want to fuck you while other women are just keeping "orbiters for attention". Hope one day you get picked, sis.

No. 246579

My ex thankfully trooned out a few months after we broke up. I literally would wonder how I would thread the needle in breaking up with him if I ever did, but I thought that was a crackhead thought produced by me being terminally online and not an actual possibility. I'm bi so I couldn't say "well I'm straight, darn", but thankfully he just cheated on me and was fucking retarded about hiding it lmao

No. 246580

The scrote-defender is here to tell women they are doing male friends wrong and are probably just attention whores and totally deserve to be dumped by their male friends when they get a boyfriend. Maybe one day when you actually get a boyfriend you will see this happen to you too, but you probably won't get picked.

No. 246581

seethe, stepford wife. enjoying pretending that being isolated from the world to appease your scrote is totally your choice as a feminist boss bitch kek

No. 246582

>scrote defender
>me and not the women who don't have male friends in case their moid gets jealous
loving every laugh

No. 246583

You replied to a post of an anon saying that SHE got dumped by her male friends when she got a boyfriend, not the other way around.

No. 246584

You're literally on here saying that women whose male friends stop talking to them because they get a boyfriend are at fault and not the men who stop talking to them.

No. 246585

>cuts off all males, so half of the population, just to please her scrote who probably has female friends
>I'm not the pickme!! You are! reee

No. 246586

there's plenty of other anons in this thread who did dump their friends because of some bullshit about how once you're in a relationship you should only have the space to even think about one man, literal jealous abusive scrote logic

No. 246587

Are you dense? The post anon was replying to was of someone saying that THEIR MALE FRIENDS STOPPED TALKING TO THEM ONCE THEY GOT A BOYFRIEND, not the other way around. And pickme anon said that it must be because she just "had orbiters for attention" instead of real male friends like pickme anon who is not like other girls. Learn to read the posts you are replying to.

No. 246588

Then maybe you should have replied to those posts instead of replying to someone whom the opposite thing happened to.

No. 246589

but i responded to that one cause i wanted to point out that her not realizing her "friends" just wanted to fuck her is her problem and not a reason to encourage women to isolate themselves to appease their boyfriends/husbands

No. 246590

Yeah, you're blaming the women for being manipulated and lied to by men she believed to be her friends instead of blaming the men who fake friendship to get into women's pants. Which makes you a pickme.

No. 246591

>wah wahh wahhh you're a pickme
imagine calling someone a pickme for pointing out you should vet your friends instead of any of the people saying you should dedicate your entire mind to your husband/boyfriend or else you don't love him. maybe you should re-evaluate which posts you are replying to.

No. 246592

most men are trash and while they are guilty of being trash, women also need to do better, vet and advocate for themselves. most women let men get away with way too much shit and at some point that's on them.

No. 246593

I get it, you're not like other girls. You can read scrotes minds and totally know all their motives and would never get manipulate unlike those dumb other women. It's really their fault for believing men are being their friends for years and then dumping them as soon as they are not available, those dumb women should have just known better.

No. 246595

I bet you also blame women in abusive relationships because they should have just known better. Pickmes like you will never change, fuck off.

No. 246596

>NOOOO you cannot expect women who claim to be blackpilled about men to actually act that way, you have to coddle them no matter how many shitty men they enable and treat them like rape victims when some fuckboy leads them on
some shitty dude being nice to you to try and get into your pants is in no way similar to being abused, you look like a clown trying to force this comparison

No. 246597

i hope he sees this, girl

No. 246599

that's all you know how to say, kek
>everyone who disagrees with me is a scrote or a pickme or some anon from some other thread i disagreed with

No. 246600

You're literally defending scummy men and blaming women for being taken advantage of.

No. 246602

>you're defending scummy men by calling men trash
sound logic. i bet you also say women who exclusively date e.g. drugged out soundcloud rappers and then complain that they're shitty boyfriends are also helpless victims with no agency and everyone who disagrees is a pickme

No. 246604

You're talking about someone who thought their male friends were.. Well her FRIENDS. They probably didn't let on their true intentions cause men are manipulative like that. Blaming someone for being abandoned by their friends is scummy, especially when the friends are men. You don't know the situation but you make up assumptions while telling everyone how much smarter you are. Awful.

No. 246605

if every single one of your friends turned out to be a scumbag who tried to fuck you and all of them were so obvious about it that they dropped you the moment you got a boyfriend then yeah something clearly went wrong. and yu deserve to have that pointed out if you use your shitty experience to defend the pov that women should isolate themselves to appease jealous scrotes. now THAT, the view the anon was agreeing with, is actual pickme shit.

No. 246614

You mean you hope he sees her telling women to vet men and don't trust all men's friendship? What do you mean?

No. 246641

why are there people actually defending/wanting to be friends with moids lmfao dating them is more than enough why the fuck are you actively seeking more moid time lmfao learn to love yourself

No. 246648

>le based female separatist who still dates men

No. 246650

File: 1646020632292.jpeg (983.34 KB, 1284x2051, A5E293EF-B206-4C3D-9894-7372A4…)

so I’ve been seeing this guy, and I’ve had some really great dates with him, hung out with him and his roommates, etc. we have a few more dates planned for this upcoming week. But he hasn’t answered my last text for a full day and a half now. Normally I wouldn’t really care, but it made me remember these texts he sent me a week ago. I’m wondering now if maybe he sent me these texts to just have an excuse in the future to ghost me, or just cue at him being an avoidant attachment style. Idk maybe I’m overthinking everything, it’s just confusing because we were talking so regularly and he seemed really into me. I don’t wanna humiliate myself by texting him again days later. What do you guys think??

No. 246652

sounds like a self-important weirdo

No. 246653

he sounds annoying. don't say anything.

No. 246654

I need to keep posting my 2 golden rules:

If he wanted to, he would


If he was genuine, he wouldn't leave you confused

No. 246667

of course im gonna date them, I love dick, but I hate when they speak lmfao

No. 246676

>blaming women for mens scummy behavior
No, you're definitely the pickme here.

No. 246679

Is this dude like extremely hot or why is he so full of himself?

No. 246684

Don't compliment me too much or I'll go into a 'shitty cycle' and ghost you.. totes your fault for being too nice! Anon be glad he's laying his bs out in front of you and take it as your queue to get out..any sane person would.

This might look like hes just being open with his feelings but I guarantee this is him testing the waters to see how much he can push you away and have you keep coming back to him anyway. He's using fake vulnerability to lay the grounds to make you accept behaviours that you should never tolerate especially very early on into dating. If you play along with this poor-me shite then he'll be rubbing his hands together high on the fact that he's bagged himself a fool.

No. 246688

He sounds like an insecure schizo.

No. 246690

How to dump someone when you’re living together and all your friends are shared?
I don’t have a steady job, and my mother lives far away where I know no one and I should have a car to move around. I don’t even have a license.
I am living with my boyfriend but I am done with his attitude, I am sure he loves me but he is rude and disrespectful because he’s been raised like this by his family. It is not my job to fight to be respected and I won’t do it again.
I am considering my options so I can leave him, but I am scared of losing all my friends because they are also his friends. Should I start connecting with other people first? I am scared of falling into depression again and being completely alone. My friends are truly wonderful people and I know they wouldn’t take sides or drop me, but it will be hard as fuck to keep up with them if that happens.

No. 246696

In this situation (been in a simialr one in the past) I'd start working on your practical plan in advance of telling him.

Details like where you're going to live. Are you on a shared lease? Are you splitting bills, are there any ongoing payments you make for shared services? Can you guess whether he'll be the type to order you out on the street the minute you break the news to him. Things like that. You have plenty of time to worry about friendships and social stuff once you're ok in terms of your living situation. Sometimes men react in very petty ways where they try and leave you stranded or refuse to let you off payment plans as their bit of payback. You say he's disrespectful so just play it safe and line up your plan just in case he plays hard.

No. 246697

you mean
>blaming men for mens scummy behavior and blaming women for knowing they are scum and still not being properly blackpilled about them
you sound dumb as a brick when you try to spin "men are trash and most aren't worth the time" into a pickme statement

No. 246700

Yes, what >>246696 said. Worry about the practical aspects before worrying about the social ones. How much do you have in savings? Is your license suspended or have you just never had one? Either way, see what you need to do to get one. Consider getting even a part-time job if it means building up your savings.
Good luck nonny, that’s a tough situation to be in but not an impossible one to get out of.

No. 246703

File: 1646052007805.jpg (27.37 KB, 600x399, DedgY4BXUAsTkaW.jpg)

>of course im gonna date them, I love dick, but I hate when they speak lmfao
Then you would be having casual sexual relationships and not a full-on boyfriend. Face it, "I'm cutting men out of my life…. I still have a boyfriend though!" is pathetic LARP

No. 246705

File: 1646053482586.jpg (41.93 KB, 960x638, 52596047_288007778560660_79918…)

lmfao how is that a larp? I want a boyfriend and I enjoy ROMANTIC relationships with men but im not going to spend my time giving random moids attention and validation. Especially when im in a relationship like how the fuck is this even real lmfao. Men always want to fuck and they keep you on a backburner even when you're in a relationship, you gotta be living in some kind of anime universe to think men other than your brothers actually keep you around as a 'friend'. Moids also get autistic and turn into primal animals when they know you have a bf, you become more desirable to them. Grow up sweatling, those guys aren't your friends.

No. 246706

Sorry this is so long.

I think you should tell your friends about how your relationship is going south before breaking up. It’s nice to know they won’t drop you or pick sides but you don’t know what your boyfriend will do, so it’s important to let them really know how you are. Moving out is up to whether you can stand his presence or not, you’re not legally obligated to move out, especially if you’re both renting, so don’t rush yourself. I’d suggest taking some of your friends out to do something fun in a small group, just to get everyone (including yourself) used to having fun with ‘you’ and not ‘that couple we know’.

Basically you’re just becoming roommates and you don’t need to be concerned about his connection to your friends. It might feel freeing to get a quick non-career job for extra money, a change of scenery and to meet new people in general (so you don’t feel tied down to the daily life you and your boyfriend share). You’re right to connect with others first, but you can relax about the whole thing. He sounds annoying, so maybe just distance yourself from his drama while you do other stuff.

No. 246708

Why do men always seem really into you, then at some point do a complete 180 and seem really distant?
I have yet another man who last week seemed really committed and interested in me, now this week it's like pulling teeth to speak with him at all.
So exhausting to deal with, every time this happens I end up with a heavy feeling. I try to be careful but my god, it feels like every guy does this. What gives?

No. 246709

File: 1646054153567.jpg (602.15 KB, 1536x2048, p174037_p_v10_bf.jpg)

No. 246710

>whole thread full of nonnas admitting they don't have male friends because it's "inappropriate in a relationship" and they need to dedicate their entire mental space to their moid a.k.a they literally do it for the sake of a man
>"i totally hate interacting with men but i love romantic relationships with them, it's not a larp sweetie, it's based blackpilled stacey feminist separatism"
you are retarded

No. 246711

Lmao thanks for the laugh nonnie, it's probably this yeah. Wish they would just say this from the start though, not switch in-between

No. 246712

File: 1646054355475.jpg (16.51 KB, 500x381, 52071525_584717678659286_68521…)

ok hillary clinton, go hang out with your harem of men then, keep thinking they really 'value' you as a friend hahaha silly billy

No. 246713

>I want a boyfriend and I enjoy ROMANTIC relationships with men
NTA but please tell me you're not the same anon as >>246667
> I love dick, but I hate when they speak lmfao

No. 246715

keep thinking you're being le epic aileen wuornos feminist for bending over to appease a moid's insecurities lmfao

No. 246717

its just the way it is with men, they're kind of like a pedestrian traffic light, its either green light and they will continue talking to you and eventually ask you to be their girlfriend or they will just pull a red light on you if they realised you aint it and completely ghost you. There is no yellow with men. They don't play waiting games, either they want you or they don't. Take it more as a positive that you're leaving dudes behind who only have sex on their mind.

No. 246718

aren't you the one entertaining multiple men at once because you're so epic and cool and down to earth? lmfao keep seething and coping its funny watching you struggle

No. 246719

damn, some moid actually convinced you that interacting with half of the world's population other than him is "entertaining" them. jealous scrotes believe that women can't interact with men without "sending signals" because "they're all whores" and some idiots here actually think they can put a feminist spin on it. sad!

No. 246721

His lack of enthusiasm or change of expression could be the result of anything from him not feeling as open as the last week to him not being into you anymore. Not to sound weird but the more interesting thing to me here is how you might feel inside this inconsistent courting. I think the type of disappointment anons (and people in general) feel when this happens can be avoided by being more proactive with your crushes. Like, it’s nice to be wooed, but if it’s not someone you would have picked out of a crowd yourself, then I suggest not getting too swept up in it. Because then you’re feelings are kind of floating around at the mercy of how he wants to pursue you rather than you having a real back and forth with someone you’re excited about, you know?

No. 246724

interesting, I never said women were the ones sending signals, or that they're whores, men are beasts who only have sex on their mind. No one is saying that they choose to keep male friendships at bay because of jealous scrotes?? What?? Women choose to do it out of free will and respect for a union between a romantic relationship. You've completely twisted this whole notion into thinking its women who are the abused ones because they chose to keep away from men in a relationship, no, women actively choose to stay away from those kind of friendships because they aren't fucking real anyway and men will ALWAYS keep you on the backburner, especially when you're dating another man. I mean keep doing what you do, but stop arguing with everyone and saying they're 'abused' for denying 'half the population'. No one is abused here its a fucking goddamn choice you make yourself idiot.

No. 246725

>it's actually all women's fault that they get treated badly by males
Just fuck off already. What you said is dumb and you're a dumb pickme.

No. 246726

Thanks for confirming that you have indeed, not been picked. kek.

No. 246727

>it's actually [the complete opposite of what the post says]
try again

No. 246728

That's what you have been saying over and over again. That it's women's fault for not "vetting their male friends" and if you get dumped by your male friends because you get a boyfriend it's your fault for "not being blackpilled enough". You are fucking dumb and making excuses for scrotes treating women badly.

No. 246730

>most men are trash and while they are guilty of being trash, women also need to do better, vet and advocate for themselves. most women let men get away with way too much shit and at some point that's on them.
so, completely not at all "it's all women's fault"? keep seething, though, i await your next post in this thread about how some skater who you let piss on your face turned out not to be husband material and no one could see that coming

No. 246732

I'll keep this in mind, thanks nonnie.
I probably do get a bit overinvested, it's difficult not to when you really hit it off with a guy- though I have been trying my best not to do this. I think what makes it hard for me is it's tough not to wonder if there's something suddenly wrong with me or if I did something wrong in-between. I probably don't have the best self-esteem, though I am a lot better than I was when younger. Anyways, I wish they'd just directly addressed what's up instead of being hot-cold and leaving me confused.
As for being proactive- in the past I've found approaching men results in shitty behavior from them as well… really feels like you can't win sometimes

No. 246733

File: 1646055741190.jpg (247.42 KB, 2048x1365, 51168237_1610611292374861_7288…)

>I love having heaps of guy friends while I date another guy!
>Meanwhile the guy friends

No. 246734

I've read all your posts and you keep trying to change your narrative because you are embarrassed about saying some dumb ass shit and you just can't let it go. Just log off.

No. 246735

Starting to think you're actually just a moid who has been friendzoned a million times even tho you're such a nice guy but women just go for the bad boys. Kys.

No. 246736

It has to do with them, not you. A lot of moids are emotionally unstable, avoidant, and don't know what they want. If they do the hot and cold thing, good fucking riddance, then you know they aren't shit and can just move on with your life. Trust me, once you find the right guy he will not leave you confused. Take >>246654 to heart.

No. 246737

>I've read all your posts and you keep trying to change your narrative
the greentext was literally a quote of one of my earlier posts. it's really not that hard to understand how "men are to blame for mistreating women" and "women still need to do better looking out for themselves" are statements that an coexist. you look like an idiot screeching "pickme!" at someone who already said men are trash like 3 times.

No. 246738

two different posters you dummy
the 2nd one is one of the stepford wives who think it's "impure" to even think of another man while dating one

No. 246740

No, its starting to seem like you're just a moid who is simping for some streamer girl and really wants to be on the backburner for her when she shows zero interest in you lmao

No. 246742

Thanks nonnie, I do feel better from the advice everyone gave. Will try to keep it in mind moving forward and not take scrote behavior too personally

No. 246744

File: 1646056831953.png (13.93 KB, 1162x170, Untitled.png)

Except she started out with this post and she slowly started to change it into "maybe women need to be more careful because men are bad" after getting shit on for saying that she personally NEVER has issues with male friends because she knows not to befriend men who treat women badly and "it's a you problem" if you get treated badly by men.

No. 246745

He found a girl that's lower maintenance or he's into more.

No. 246746

Now you're just flailing like a retard. Seriously just stop posting and embarrassing yourself. Maybe you can go back to your male friends who would never leave you if you got a boyfriend cause you know how to pick the good ones. Also there's never going to be any danger of you getting a boyfriend ever actually happening. Pickmes never get picked.

No. 246747

>I hate men
>I enjoy romantic relationships and fucking men
While on the other hand men would be like
>I hate women
>I love abusing and raping women
See you dont have men. You're just being edgy while letting your bf have his way and cutting off all your male friends so your world revolves around your man only like how guys would fantasize about.

No. 246748

that's my post, retard, you are talking to me. the poster i replied to was agreeing with anons saying you should not have male friends to "reserve all your mental energy" for your moid. once you use your experiences to give out shitty advice like this, it's fair game to shit on you and i'm not about to sugarcoat things on here of all places where women are supposed to be actually blackpilled.

No. 246749

you literally cannot even keep track of who you're talking to, it's no wonder reading comprehension is too hard for you

No. 246750

>pickmes never get picked
Nta but male friends topic isn't about getting with a guy romantically, stop making everything about getting and competing for male attention because you look like the pickme yourself saying anon won't get picked as if men do the picking, kek.

No. 246751

File: 1646057330786.jpg (255.37 KB, 1363x2048, you.jpg)

>Yes ladies, keep us around even when you have a bf, I promise we won't bite, we are your dear friends after all, don't let some bf control you and not let you see us, come meet me for coffee next week and i'll listen to all your worries

No. 246752

Your advice just so happens to whiteknight moids and attacks women. How curious. Honestly with statements like
>some skater who you let piss on your face turned out not to be husband material and no one could see that coming
You really are a moid LARPing as a "blackpilled woman".

No. 246754

>Yes ladies, keep us around even when you have a bf
and here you reveal what your reasoning actually is: not angering your moid. it's not about based separatism at all and it's pathetic to try and pretend it is.

No. 246755

Weird how you have all these great male friends who you properly vetted to never betray you but you can't find a boyfriend. What's the issue?

No. 246756

again with the insistence that calling men trash and saying they're to blame is "whiteknighting" them, kek. how long am i supposed to coddle women who enable shitty men for, exactly?
you are confused again. hint: i'm the poster you think you are talking to and i never talked about not having a boyfriend.

No. 246757

>you can't keep track of anonymous posters on an imageboard! HOW RETARDED!
lmao. God you are such a fucking asshole I'm more convinced you are a man the more posts you make. Literally a seething incel who is mad that women pick "skater boy who pisses on their face" or whatever weird fantasies you have over you.

No. 246758

I wasn't one of the anon you were arguing with. I have a bf. You sound like the pickme though with your attitude
>Haha! Why can't you get a bf?
>You'll never be the one he picks!

No. 246759

File: 1646057611666.png (275.4 KB, 496x744, stillyou.PNG)

>Yes yes, your moid controls your mind and he keeps you up in his tower, come down dear friend and meet me for a trip around the park, I'll buy you some flowers while I'm at it(USER HAS BEEN PUT OUT TO PASTURE)

No. 246760

File: 1646057650787.jpg (406 KB, 1500x1491, 466343536.jpg)

>God you are such a fucking asshole

No. 246761

lmao cringe redditor niceguy moid confirmed.

No. 246762

File: 1646057754972.png (196.23 KB, 360x450, Neckbeard_(man).png)

>remember kitten: every man in the world wants to fuck you. you should never interact with them to stay safe and make sure you don't even think about other men to save all your energy for me. you need to know you. belong. to. me growls and bites your neck

No. 246763

Why do moids always have to shit up this thread with their cringy reddit memes?

No. 246764

nta but are you straight up denying female agency over decision making? women are allowed to make choices on their own yaknow

No. 246766

This is some dude who never got out of the friendzone seething that he might lose his female friends to a boyfriend, that's why he initially complained to the Anon saying her male friends dumped her after she got a boyfriend. He would NEVER DO THAT!! Cause he is such a nice guy and the women who get treated badly by men need to just learn to pick a nice guy like him.

No. 246767

>straight up denying female agency over decision making
the anons in this thread straight up admit they do it because it's improper in a relationship and you should only ever think of the person you're with. it's all about the relationship for them. they are denying their own agency by bending over to appease scrotes.

No. 246768

yeah they are, their whole argument is that women who choose to not have guy friends are somehow mind controlled by their partners and are not allowed to make decisions for themselves. some feminist huh

No. 246771

>their whole argument is that women who choose to not have guy friends are somehow mind controlled by their partners and
not all of them but the ones in this thread certainly are. look at all the posts about it that focus on how it's bad to have male friends WHILE IN A RELATIONSHIP specifically.(derailing)

No. 246772

File: 1646058116945.jpg (Spoiler Image,13.6 KB, 480x548, 1627930361470.jpg)

Moids pls don't unspoiler UwU

No. 246773

Im gonna go ahead and say we should probably stop replying to the moid trying to pick fights and shitting on women.

No. 246774

I was one of the earlier posters from yesterday and I choose not to have male friends while im with my bf. That was my decision alone and no one has me on a ball and chain. You sound like a huge poly pickme who's just been cope posting for days now.

No. 246775

Based but why do everyone here assume anyone they disagree with is a moid? Quit infighting and calling each other moids if you don't have anything to add to the argument. You do realize you're not even supposed to reply to moids and the attention only drives them to shit post more, right?

No. 246776

>I choose not to have male friends while im with my bf
so it's not about men making bad friends and you not wanting to interact with them. it's about the bf.

No. 246777

are you literally retarded? im going to go ahead and just leave this at the fact that you're retarded as fuck. I dont even want to begin explaining myself to you, just fuck off from this thread before your head pops from all the anger buildup.

No. 246779

File: 1646058458367.jpg (11.56 KB, 464x279, 1640964672387.jpg)

No. 246780

no, no, i understand very well. you are a based man hater who is friends with men but only when you are single, when you are in a relationship you prioritize that man. very feminist and female agency-pilled.

No. 246782

stop posting.

No. 246783

No. 246785

Stop replying to him.

No. 246786

why are you as a man getting mad? you’ve never dated anyone in your entire life. the man never gets the girl the man stays in his shitty cum-infested dungeon harassing the girl online like you are right now

No. 246787

Stop replying to him. He's just seething because the girls who friendzoned him are getting boyfriends and not talking to him anymore.

No. 246788

so you went from "pickme" to "scrote", the only two arguments you have when you disagree with someone(infighting)

No. 246789

you aren’t a contrarian or “free thinker” either you’re just dumb as fuck lol(infighting)

No. 246794

imagine not having male friends (bad, gross, only ever want sex out of their female friends) to "respect the relationship" you have with your bf (good, pure, totally 100% doesn't want sex out of his female friends). yeah your bf is totally respecting you in turn sure sure whatever you need to believe to sleep at night queen

if you're going to say "all men are x" you don't get to pretend your bf is an exception to "men"

No. 246796

File: 1646064517043.gif (1.97 MB, 350x260, giphy.gif)


No. 246798

Not any of the anons from earlier but choosing to avoid relationships with men as much as possible is a very reasonable and understandable decision. I can perfectly understand why a woman would choose to not have male friends and prioritize relationships with women instead. But that's regarding a complete rejection of male friendships. Being friends with men but breaking those friendships off when you enter a romantic relationships is still prioritizing a man in your life. And come on, one of the anons in this mess straight up said she chooses not to have male friends "when she's with her bf". That's not true rejection of men in my eyes. It's just rejection of many men in favor of one. And honestly, make whatever personal life decisions you want but this has nothing to do with feminism or agency.

No. 246801

File: 1646067436010.jpg (212.43 KB, 2120x1415, close-up-of-cat-wearing-sungla…)

don't scroll down, there's cp

No. 246809

Why do you have to keep this argument going when it was started by a retarded scrote who was friendzoned? Can you not just stop giving him attention? God you are so fcking dumb.

No. 246810

The argument was very clearly between a bunch of retarded nonnas, you can tell it from the cadence of the posts. Yelling "scrote scrote scrote scrote" when you don't like something helps no one and is fucking annoying

No. 246811

Just let the argument die, I don't understand why you gotta revive this argument that has been going on for two days AGAIN after it finally stopped because you need to get your personal opinion in. Just stop.

No. 246813

it's probably just going to start up again when the two neets who were tussling are unbanned anyway, don't kid yourself

everyone in this thread is addicted to infighting and retarded moralizing. i feel bad for shitting on the scandi poster before; as cringe as they are, everyone else is just as bad

No. 246817

At least Scandi was honest about her degeneracy.

No. 246830

I wasn't banned, only the retarded scrote got banned. I should have known from the start it was a scrote tbh. The "you probably date soundclout rappers and people who piss on your face and then wonder why it doesn't work out" was the give-away that it's some niceguy moid malding about women not wanting him.

No. 246833

i'm not banned either and i won't turn into a scrote no matter how much you seethe and cope(infighting/derailing)

No. 246834

Don't you have to go dust off your fedoras?(infighting/derailing)

No. 246835

don't you have some more LARPing as a female separatist to do before you close down your laptop and fall asleep next to a moid who's totally not like other boys?

No. 246836

Does anyone have any resources for overcoming sexual shame but NOT as a result of rape?
It's taken a massive toll on my relationship. Thank you nonnas

No. 246837

Really fucks you up that you have no one sleeping next to you at night, doesn't it? Hey, at least you have a lot of "friends". Maybe one day they will realize what a good guy you are.

No. 246839

>Really fucks you up that you have no one sleeping next to you at night, doesn't it?
really funny thing to post after earlier admitting that you are not getting picked no matter how many times you promise men that you won't even dare have a thought about another non-blood related man as long as you're with them

No. 246840

lol I am literally married and pregnant, something you will never experience because women know your genes are inferior and don't even want to be in the same room with you.

No. 246842

File: 1646083150068.jpg (36.23 KB, 249x352, 1641751148323.jpg)

>lol I am literally married and pregnant

No. 246843

>cringy scrote memes ready to pull out of his reaction image folder
You only shitpost on here because it's the only attention from women you ever get, isn't it?

No. 246845

>an image making fun of furry troons
>scrote meme
blend in better

No. 246846

Literal 4chan tier humor, try checking out the MtF thread sometimes to get some idea of the kind of memes women post.

No. 246847

this image is literally from the sexual fantasies thread and was used in response to a troon trying to post his blatant agp fantasies. maybe if your imaginary husband let you have any friends and didn't keep you on a leash in the yard you would know more about women's humor.

No. 246848

kek still hung up about the fact that women in relationships don't want to be your friends. Maybe you could share the story of "the one that got away" with us to unburden your soul so you can stop posting ITT? Did she break your heart real bad when she told you that she now had a boyfriend and then blocked you? How long ago was it? Do you still stalk her Instagram to this day and cry when you see her with her boyfriend? Share your pain, you will feel better.

No. 246849

holy seethe
be careful, if your husband also believes i'm a man, you might have to sleep in the dog kennel again for typing that much at me!

No. 246850

Too painful still hm? Yeah you will probably never get over her. Might as well hang yourself today.

No. 246851

what will probably be painful is the beating your husband will give you for spending your mental energy on someone you believe to be a man. but at least you will be exercising your agency!

No. 246852

File: 1646084127512.jpg (129.06 KB, 799x1200, DfsBl1aWAAEazml.jpg)

Your wife is waiting for you on the other side.

No. 246853

is that the rope your husband walks you on when you're out in public together? or are you, as an empowered female separatist, making the feminist choice to never leave the house ever cause there could be other men outside?

No. 246854

Damn, how many times did women's husbands have to tell you to stop creeping on their wives? You know it's not because the men is controlling and trying to protect his wife from your "friendship" it's because he noticed your phone trying to take upskirt pictures of her.

No. 246855

is that what your husband tells you every time he flies into red hot rage and starts attacking any man in your vicinity? that they were taking upskirt photos of you? such a good caring husband and if he directs some of that rage at you too, well, you were probably being disrespectful of the relationship…

No. 246856

There is not a single woman on earth who would be THIS mad about the fact that some women don't want to be friends with men. It's clearly a very personal issue to you, so much so even that you create fantasy scenarios in your head that the women who reject your friendship end up in abusive relationships. Then you picture in your head how the husband is beating her and how she deserves it because she didn't pick a nice guy like you, you are a pretty sick fuck.

No. 246857


why would you guys own up to being neets with so little better to do than slapfight each other in this thread that you both resumed literally right when you woke up? quit larping seek help

No. 246858

there is not a single woman on earth who would be THIS defensive over women choosing to not be friends with men for the sake of their Nigels and not because they don't want to have male friends in general. thank you for proving that you are a scrote and you created a whole fantasy scenario about a pregnant wife who will give up on anything and anyone just in vase it's 'disrespectful" towards her man.

No. 246859

Its almost 11pm for me, Amerimutt.

No. 246860

Oof, cringe. That didn't work out at all kek.

No. 246861

Implying I am a scrote and a woman who doesn't want to be friends with men for her Nigel in the same post because you are too retarded to make a proper comeback, lmao.

No. 246862

that was not the implication but i can see why you would struggle with reading comprehension, your husband probably does not let you do much reading since many books have male characters in them

No. 246863

that's cool. not relationship advice, but glad to hear it(infighting/derailing)

No. 246864

File: 1646085007230.jpg (164.02 KB, 856x640, 1640279376908.jpg)

Flip flopping between calling me an abused housewife and a scrote just doesn't work, kek. Terminal scrotebrain.

No. 246865

i'm just playing along with your controlling scrote fantasy of a woman who is so dedicated to you she even makes sure she doesn't have "impure" thoughts.
but i understand, in this fantasy the woman is actually choosing not to read. sure, she reads usually. but when she gives up reading so as to not disrespect her relationship, it's her agency as a woman being exercised.

No. 246866

You already know the sexual fantasies thread (probably why you came to a website for women to begin with) so why don't you take your weird abusive husband fantasy there? I'm sure you already got a bunch of stories written up about that girl who didn't want to be your friend anymore and how she now lives in a dungeon or whatever.

No. 246867

sounds like projection, i'm sure you realize that's really where the fantasy of "a woman who is so dedicated to her husband she won't even look at another human being and that's super feminist" you're trying to sell to women on here should go. your kind might have succeeded in convincing a bunch of libfems that ~blowjobs are empowering~ but "not having friends for the sake of your Nigel is female separatism" will still be a hard sell

No. 246868

Here I will start for you:

Her: Sorry Anon, now that I have a boyfriend I don't think we can talk much anymore.
[Message could not be delivered to recipient]

No. 246870

sorry it seems that you just used the word "boyfriend" in your post yet… it was not in reference to your own boyfriend and not followed by five paragraphs about what a great guy he is? do you mind explaining me why you're disrespecting your relationship?

No. 246871

I'm talking about the boyfriend of the girl who broke your heart, silly. That damn asshole soundcloud rapper skater boy who pisses on her face, remember? You basically described him in your posts already.

No. 246872

oh my god, you mentioned another man pissing… and piss comes out of the penis. you are basically fellating another man right now, i'm afraid you'll have to get stoned to make up for the disrespect you just showed your man.

No. 246873

Stop infighting and shitting up the thread. Take this retarded argument somewhere else and continue screaming scrote scrote there. Bye!

No. 246874

Man he's probably pissing on her right now. Imagine.. this woman would literally rather get pissed on by a dude than be with you. You must be pretty fucking repulsive… oh well she probably already forgot that you ever existed.

No. 246875

Every time we stop fighting someone chimes in to start up the fight again, how can we ever stop?

No. 246876

imagine? imagine a man???? but…. the master forbids it! my thoughts must be for him and him alone(infighting/derailing)

No. 246877

No. 246879

Btw, how come you told women in this thread they should better vet the men they are friends with when you personally got your heart broken by your only friend? Is it something you learned from that experience? Because it seems you weren't such a good judge of character when you fell in love with the girl who chose a soundcloud R-Kelly over you.

No. 246882

is it not past 11pm for you already? i wonder why your husband hasn't started missing you yet especially given that he keeps such a close watch over you and that he's so very totally real

No. 246884

No. 246885

wow you actually spent time drawing this and in doing so you have commuted, mental, visual, emotional and artistic infidelity as it features another man, naked even. i hope you realize this means you will have to be gouging your eyes out and cutting off your hand as a form of repentance to your husband.

No. 246886

Shit I forgot you said he also has a skateboard.(USER HAS BEEN PUT OUT TO PASTURE)

No. 246887

it's understandable to forget, we already know your entire mind is in the possession of a scrote.(continuing the derail)

No. 246888

why is the girl a right angle triangle

No. 246891

Does anyone have a problem with cheating? I cheat and I don’t know why and it makes me feel so horrible and disgusting while I do and the guilt eats me up inside too. Why do people do this?

No. 246892

you might not be meant to be monogamous

No. 246895

Why do you do it? Are you not satisfied? Do you do it because you're insecure? Work on the reasons first and don't date while you do so.

No. 246896

Go see a therapist, if you don't know how to have healthy relationships its not worth hurting other people for it.

No. 246897

I would love to know too, I sabotaged a blooming relationship (my first and only one at that) because the perspective of having sex with him gave me anxiety, and I have no sexual trauma or religious upbringing.

No. 246905

I just want to know if I'm a crazy bitch. My bf, or ex bf idk anymore, and me fought yesterday. It started as a really stupid argument. We were fooling around and singing karaoke and when it was my turn he said that I was singing an octave lower. I told him that I couldn't do better than that for the moment. He stormed out of the room and when I went to check on him he was pissed. He said that I took everything very personal and that he couldn't give me advice without me freaking out. I'm not very stable right know because family and money problems (I'm also partially supporting my bf) and things scalated. I don't even remember what we said or how it happened but suddenly I felt like I was having an anxiety attack, my heart was beating really fast, it was hard to breathe and I was fidgeting and scratching my skin.
I couldn't take it and I went to the other room. I wasn't paying attention and accidentally crashed my shoulder against the door. He got madder and told me to stop banging on stuff. I told him it was an accident but he didn't believe me.
Next, I told him to open the door, that I wanted to leave. Take a walk or have drink or whatever. He said it was too dangerous and that he wasn't gonna let me out unless I'd let him come with me.That or he was gonna message my mom and best friend to ask if I arrived home safe. I didn't want to and he didn't want me to leave. Finally I agreed and we went to a bar (stupid idea).
When we were returning to my car shit escalated again and he screamed at me that he didn't want to be a leech and that he was going to fuck off I tried to get close to him to tell him that I could give him a ride to the subway station but he slapped my hand and walked away. I got on my car and screamed and cried all the way to my house. Idk how such a stupid thing transformed in such a shit show. I'm feeling really fucking sad right know. I feel that I give so much and try to be sweet and supportive but if I have a moment of instability or get pissy about something it's the end of the world and I'm punished for not being perfect.

No. 246908

You're not crazy. If he is getting physical with you, even if it's just hand slapping, imagine what would happen if things got REALLY nasty. He sounds like a dick, and honestly you would probably be better without him. He sounds like the crazy one.

No. 246909

>I told him that I couldn't do better than that for the moment. He stormed out of the room and when I went to check on him he was pissed.
Eh?? That's not normal behavior.
This specific evening you described is just bunch of small things both of you ended up being very riled up about; sounds like there's some general tension between you that maybe you have yet to address to stop being so intense all the time.

No. 246910

It sounds like there's bigger problems in your relationship that you two have just not communicated to eachother at all. The fact that something as small as this has tipped one of you over means that there's a lot of unsaid problems. I suggest having a bigger conversation about whats really wrong in your relationship otherwise small situations like this will continuously happen. I had something similar with my bf for a while where tiny situations just made either one of us blow up at eachother and it turns out there really was a lot to work through underneath all that tension. After we got everything cleared out we had less if not no more small tiffs like that.

No. 246932

you both sound unstable. your boyfriend should sympathize or understand your mental health issues and sensitivities, and with the escalation to slapping and screaming at you sounds like he may be abusive if this is a reoccuring pattern.

No. 246989

why is it so fucking hard to get with a white guy as a non-asian woman?(bait)

No. 246990

He sounds like the crazy one.
>I'm also partially supporting my bf
>he screamed at me that he didn't want to be a leech
Yeah, that does it. Most of the time supporting a moid will lead to him disrespecting you. He hates himself and therefore, hates you by extension because he thinks you've lowered yourself to his level. It's obvious from this exchange he's abusive as fuck, get out while you can.

No. 246991

Non-asian? Lol, as a white woman I have never had an issue.

No. 246992

it's bait

No. 246993

are you a blonde and blue eyed white?

No. 246996

I'm blonde and green eyed. Why the hell does it matter? All my brown/red haired brown eyed white friends are married to white men lol. I never even heard of this being an issue. I gotta agree with the other anon that this is probably bait..(taking the bait)

No. 246998


No. 247003

Damnit LCF should be restricted to 25+ old women, people answering to bait is exhausting.

No. 247057

File: 1646170653302.jpg (76.32 KB, 828x545, Tumblr_l_96651249509561.jpg)


No. 247091

Good advice

If he's not like "fuck yeah" about you, then you say "fuck no"

No. 247136

How do I stop my boyfriend from going on 4chan? He already stopped for a while but every time something in the world happens he goes back there to see what they are saying about it. We both agreed so many times that the people on there are dumb retarded incels, so why does he care what they say? Is he hopeless? I should have dumped him when I first found out he uses 4chan but I wanted a boyfriend who understands memes and my sort humor. Never date a guy who uses 4chan, nonnies.

No. 247138

I mean you can't stop him using it as much as he can't stop you using lolcow. Even if you were to 'stop' him he'd probably just end up checking it on his phone or something. It kind of depends on what boards he browses too I mean if he just reads about video games and technology then I guess that's fine but if its shit like /b/ then you've probably just settled for a guy with incel mindset and you've got bigger problems than just 4chan. My bf was a bit of an incel too when we first met but we both browsed 4chan, I guess what worked was just talking about it more and more and replacing it with more interesting sites? Try suggesting a social media break, it really helped us and we don't even go back on a lot of websites we used to go on.

No. 247139

I have to save up money and get an entirely new place with new roommates if i want to leave.
The city im in is too expensive to live by myself. Currently i live with him and his brother and one other person, i feel like i will end up putting them all out of the house if i leave.
Nothing is wrong in my life, hes so kind and it feels like it would be a mistake to break up but i have just drifted away from him. his work takes all his time and the time we manage to spend im not really enjoying his company anymore, he has changed since going back to work after the pandemic lockdown.
I hate feeling selfish for what might make me happiest.

No. 247151

The annoying thing with men now (and I saw perfect examples of it on here lately) is that they make up a load of psychological babble about their past, their trauma, their ex hurting them blah blah and feed that to you as their excuse for being so flakey with you now. Horseshit. They're playing with your empathy. That way they get to mess you around and still be seen as saintly and 'trying their best to overcome old wounds' It never gets better. They're not healing anything. There are no wounds. His ex was probably fucked around by him too. Unless you can veriify these stories don't buy them.

I was less insulted back when men were flakey but would just shrug their shoulders when asked to explain their behaviour. Now they make up sob stories.

No. 247157

I don't think you're selfish. My first major break up baffled me because nothng terrible happened and I thought we were getting along just fine. I was blindsided by it. In my ignorance (and inexperience I guess) I admittedly did villainize him for leaving just like that. I wish I could sit my younger self down and make her understand lol. I held onto so much bitterness because I thought he couldn't 'justify' leaving. It was dumb of me. You have a valid reason to leave. Wanting to leave is enough reason to leave. Sometimes feelings just change over time and there's no grand cause for why it happened.. but it happened. You're not guilty of doing anything wrong here. Just play fair while sorting out how to part ways in terms of the lease and you're good to go.

No. 247182

He mostly goes on /biz/ because he collects coins and is interested in cryto. Honestly the boards don't even matter because they are all filled with the same mentally ill retarded misogynistic incels. Even in /biz/ every second thread is:
And just various posts like this, mostly with (half) naked women and lolicon and other shit like that. He complains to me about posters like that and says he doesn't like them, but he's still on there and looking at it! Like, I just don't get it. You can't compare 4chan to this place either, people on there are genuinely braindead and everyone is addicted to porn. The worst thing you got on here are the husbando tards but those threads can easily be hidden and I never go into those threads. Nobody is posting guys helicoptering his dick or oiling is abs on here.

No. 247202

File: 1646263288251.jpeg (84.94 KB, 533x800, 27459DF3-6A56-435A-B24A-44C71B…)

what is it like having a best friend nonnas…its been so long. let me live vicariously through you

No. 247205

My boyfriend uses 4chan too and it makes me feel awful because I know the types of posts on there. The way that site is designed is to make you relapse into your porn addiction because coombrained moids will always post pornographic (either soft or hardcore depending on the board) images, which just trains men’s eyes to gawk and stare at women’ in a male gaze-like way, irl women and photos of women online. 4chan dehumanizes women subliminally with its user base, the posters, the images, and the posts themselves. Like, for example, off topic posts about how women should be raped, rating a woman’s body, would/would not have sex, or some other sexual comment like “I want to coom inside her so badly bros”, usually accompanied by a picture (either lewd or non lewd) of a woman. Makes me feel horrible that my boyfriend uses /tv/ and /fit/ and /biz/ — there are usually many posts like that, especially on tv where female celebrities are spammed with some basement dwellers disgusting commentary. Don’t get me started on fit, there’s usually ass shots in spandex or tights. Why are men so awful and drag each other down??

No. 247215

I talked to him about it and all he said was that there will be men posting hot women on any site used by men and they are on twitter, tiktok and facebook too and that I am expecting him to basically never use the internet anymore plus I am controlling him blah blah. Plus I should be glad that he is not watching porn like other men and that I could never find a man who is "as cucked as he is" Because he "censors himself for me already". Then of course he got angry at me for not trusting him and how I need to figure out how to trust him.

I feel very exhausted by it all, I guess its true that you can't really escape sexy pics of women on the internet, but on 4chan it is always so demeaning and disgusting how they talk about women. It just makes me feel sick to think he values the opinions of men like that enough to read their bullshit drivel. For some reason he thinks there are normal people on there.. Yeah right.

No. 247224

File: 1646276883453.gif (13.33 KB, 56x56, pepeblanket.gif)

having a best friend is better than having a significant other imo. someone you can always rely on, always geek out about stuff with, always do activities with and not get tired of without the weird familial hangups nor "having" to be around them all the time like a relationship. i love my best friend so much.

No. 247229

File: 1646279250792.jpg (7.42 KB, 235x236, brap.jpg)

>having 4chancel males as boyfriends
LMFAO the state of you

No. 247231

Anon you need to dump your shit boyfriend. I bet he's not even hot

No. 247239

Anon, please grasp that this guy is irredeemable crap and you have to dump him today. He refers to being in a relationship with you as being “cucked”, literally finds you to be some kind of ~emasculating cockblock to the way he wants to be. “You’ll never find someone who tolerates you more than I do” is the most textbook psycho abuse ever. To say that he’s censoring himself around you clearly shows that he can’t be trusted in general because he just admitted to 24/7 lying to keep you around. He’s not a baby you can raise, this is the type of person he is and you can take it or leave it. It’s 2022, any regular guy will get memes without being a 4chan spore, or a total headache.

No. 247248

>Never date a guy who uses 4chan, nonnies.
I suggest you take your own advice. Dating someone who has your taste in memes is cool but it doesn't weigh up against the poor, if not dangerous, position you put yourself in when that person who you intimately invite into your private life has womanhate normalized to him everytime he browses 4chan. Don't think you are the exception. Dating a 4channer is actively selfharm imo, be wiser and safer than that.

No. 247254

Second this. I love my friends more than I’ve loved any of the moids who have come and gone from my life. I can’t say I’ve ever had a Best Friend but even the close circle of friends I cultivated through college fill that space in my life. It’s great because I know that the amount they like me isn’t dependent on my sexual availability to them, they like me because of me and not any outside factor. Sage for sperg but I just love my friends so much and I can’t wait until I move back closer to them.

No. 247256

Other men just use reddit which also has tons of porn and misogynistic shit like /r/degradingholes or they just straight up go on pornhub. I don't think there are many men out there willing to give up porn, maybe if you look for a man who has no internet connection at all, but then you gotta become amish or something. I'd honestly take a man who uses 4chans non-porn boards but doesn't watch porn over someone who actually watches porn. It's honestly a hopeless situation with men out there.

No. 247257

>he said I could never find a man who is
When men say this they are really grasping at straws to try and get off the hook for ongoing shitty behaviour. This is abusive bf lingo. You'll never find a guy as good as me again… this is as good as it gets so don't even think about leaving! They somehow know all men out there are just as bad if not way worse than they are? What a statement.

You hear this line, you leave. He has no interest in changing, only in manipulating you to stay out of fear of the big bad boogeyman that is… all other men being worse. If he is honestly 'as good as it gets' tell him you're better off alone.

No man using that argument is worth wasting your time on.

No. 247260

No anon, there are everyday men who don’t watch porn or would stop if you convinced them to. This isn’t about porn though, it’s about how rude, disrespectful and inconsiderate this particular guy is. Date any guy off the street and he won’t be crazy like that. 4chan is not the average site, people go there because they’re enamoured with the degenerate legacy it has. It’s not his hobbies keeping him there, there are all kinds of better, proper sites/publications for stocks etc of all things. He’s basically an aggressive addict and anyone would be better off with a nicer boyfriend.

No. 247261

I have never met another man who was willing to give up all porn. I think you are vastly overestimating the amount of guys willing to do that, especially normie men who think porn is the most normal thing in the world and redditors who think they are empowering sexworkers by subscribing to their Onlyfans. In my experience guys who consider themselves feminists are the absolute worst in this regard.

No. 247262

>"that I could never find a man who is "as cucked as he is" Because he "censors himself for me already"."

I wouldn't necessarily say being on 4 chan is a red flag or deal breaker, there are boards like /out/ and /x/, /fa/, /ck/ etc that are fine, but your bf using terms like that means he is probably an /r9k/ freak and you should dump his ass.

No. 247263

He's not on /r9k/, he was also never an Incel.

No. 247272

Ok defend your moid who obviously hangs out on the most misogynistic parts of 4chan and uses their lingo. Why do anons come here for advice and when you tell them like it is, they whine that their Nigel would never!! even though he obviously does and thats why you are here crying about it?

Its all so tiresome.

No. 247275

"Cuck" is not 4chan lingo, you're just wrong on this one.

No. 247277

nta but calling yourself cucked because your gf asks you not to watch porn is 4chan tier scrotery

No. 247279

Nta but /fa/ is shit. It's mostly fags who rage and get upset at stuff women wear while saying how superior trannies or fags are. 4chan or reddit men in general are highly likely to be homosexual or tranny fetishistic because their misogyny pushes them towards men

No. 247280

Samefag as >>247279 but any 4chan board is worse than watching porn. Check 4chan, anywhere you'll see how they view women as holes and whores to be used and most would rather date trannies because they're so pornsick. I don't trust anyone who uses 4chan not to view porn, their culture is coomer culture.

No. 247284

anon no. don't settle. if you feel it's wrong, don't fucking settle. literally being alone is better than wasting time with a pornsick loser. there ARE good men out there who are worth your time. life is too short to accept scraps.

No. 247285

You don't need to date a msle feminist redditor either. I agree it's hard to find a guy who isn't into porn but it's not impossible. It's ok to have standards for yourself and require your partner to respect you in a relationship, you don't need to degrade your self esteem for a man because you are afraid he's the best there is.

No. 247343

cope and seethe.

No. 247378

i know its better. i miss having good friends.

sounds nice, i hope you can be with them again soon

No. 247381

I'm very annoyed with my boyfriends inability to admit that he is wrong EVER. I have noticed this as a pattern with many men I have met and I never knew how to deal with it.

Basically, I know that my boyfriend values my opinion very much, he always asks me what I think before he makes a decision, he always wants to know what I think about things and people and he trusts my judgement on people. But whenever we get into a disagreement or argument he will NEVER admit that I am right about anything. He loves being a contrarian and everything I say is wrong and he gets extremely angry and pissed off when I don't agree with him. I think this has to do with the fact that me not praising something he does or says hurts him a lot because he needs me to agree with him on everything. Then later sometimes I see him get into arguments with other people about the same thing and he will word for word repeat the things that I have previously said to him that he then told me I was wrong about. So I know that he DOES agree with the things I say, he just doesn't want to ever admit it to me. It just annoys me so much and everytime I want to convince him of something I need to first have a fight with him in which he will disagree with me, only to then later come around and accept my opinion as his own. It's just such a mindfuck and such weird behavior.

No. 247392

how are you still attracted to a guy so immature? that's so embarrassing for him.

No. 247393

I love how you never get any actual advice in this thread, just femcels shitting on you for sharing your issues.

No. 247394

I don't know if behaviour like this is something you can realistically expect to change if he's older than a teenager and acting like this, habits like this die hard and I've seen men retain them even after a course of marriage counselling made it clear that it was a make or break thing. I've left someone over this myself. Took about 3 years for me to give up fighting a fight where I always lose.

My ex who would prioritize winning arguments over having a productive argument. I felt like I was losing my mind with how there was no give. We'd battle it out with him getting too hotheaded and me just wanting it to cool down. Sometimes once the heat had worn off he would buy me something and that was his unspoken sorry. I knew him offering to buy me something was his work around it and tbh I would much rather just hear the word. One day I looked at a line up of cuddly toys in our room that represented some of those times. I went into our living room which also had some gifts lined up on a shelf and it felt suffocating to see a visual representation of how many times I'd been made to feel lesser. It was taking up room in the house. It was taking up room in my head too but how do you communciate that with a hothead who is always right? You can't. I had to accept that he didn't respect me and that getting respect shouldn't be a battle.
>I know that my boyfriend values my opinion very much
>gets extremely angry and pissed off when I don't agree with him
Your whole post goes against that first quote. If he's that selective about when he listens to you then that cancels out.

Inconsiderate, bad at communication, dishonest if he's parotting your opinions as his won. Those are some fundamental issues that imo go too deep to invest time in thinking they can be fixed. You should not have to fight this fight. You'll go crazy no matter how you approach this.
>It's just such a mindfuck and such weird behavior.
It's emotional abuse.

No. 247397

So many words when you could have just summed it up with "break up with him". Honestly none of you will ever be in a significant long term relationship or marriage when your solution to everything is always "just break up, it can't be fixed" instead of trying to work on the relationship.

No. 247402

Yas queen, keep "communicating" and begging for scraps of respect instead of moving on and finding someone who respects you from the start. I dislike the idea that every relationship is worth salvaging, or even possible to salvage when the moid isn't even doing the bare minimum of respecting or listening to her on a basic level. A man is not a DIY project.

No. 247403

I didn't say break up. I mentioned relationship counselling as a possibility but was realisitic that it isn't always successful with this issue. That's practical advice. I gave a personal perspective as someone who was in a similar position and shared what conclusion I came to in my own case. Just to give a perspective as someone who has both lived it, fought it, had time to reflect afterwards.

I mentioned that communication, honesty and some of the absolute fundamentals that a relationship is built upon are missing here. I'm saying to recognize this pattern of behaviour for what it is and how much of an upward losing battle it's likely to be. If all you read is 'break up'.. stop shitting on advice when you can't even read.

And nobody is going to die alone just because they left one toxic man behind.

No. 247412

nah I'd much rather have a nofap noporn /fit/ bf or an /an/ bf than a reddit coomer who collects 10 tb of leaked onlyfans porn. There are plenty of alright boards, yes some leakage from red boards, but way better than a proud porn addict bf who subscribes to hundreds of different teen destruction subreddits.

Or you know, not date either lmao why chose a porn addict.

No. 247414

Cope about your ex porn addict 4chan scrote, what do you want us to do? Tell him to respect you and other women? Lmao.

Wanting girls here to have a spine =/= femcel. Also no such thing as a femcel exist, stop using your moid bfs 4chan lingo.

No. 247415

problem is that 9 out of 10 men will refuse relationship counselling

No. 247416

Keep "moving on" from man to man as soon as a problem arises. I'm sure one day you will find Mr. Right who has 0 flaws and whom you never get into an argument with. Sure, he will probably be 2D and printed onto a pillowcase, but he will treat you right.

No. 247417

Plenty of femcels on here, literally just look one thread over at all the husbandofags talking about devoting their entire life to a drawing.

No. 247418

You could get a normie who's not addicted to misogynistic websites instead. 4chan and reddit males are faggots and would rather fuck one another than have a respectful relationship with a woman.
Sound advice. If a man isnt treating you right dump him, trying to fix men just tires women and leads them into being stuck in abusive relationship because they are taught by the society that its all they can get. There are a lot of men that are going to treat you right, you shouldn't stick with a defective one that should be erased by the genepool by natural selection.

No. 247420

Even men who treat you right 99% of the time will have some kind of flaw that you have to deal with. Two people will never perfectly align on every single issue that ever arises. It really shows that you have never been in a long term relationship because there is not a single 50 year marriage out there where they never had a single problem. Relationships are work and you need to continue to put in effort on both sides. But you're probably young and inexperienced so you will learn this eventually, if you ever have a relationship that is.

No. 247421

Anons aren't talking about men who treat you right 99% of the time, they're taking about men who fundamentally disrespect them as human beings. Sounds like it hit a nerve though, how happy are you really with your nigel if you're trying to get women to stay in subpar relationships? Misery loves company and single women tend to be objectively better off, it's never wrong to suggest breaking up. It needs to be the default option when men don't act right, because currently they know they can do whatever they want with no consequences simply because women are told they need to work on it, that relationships should be hard, that being single is the worst possible outcome, that men can be changed. Fuck that shit.

No. 247422

>50 year marriage
Nta but .. totally different scenario to the one in the og post. Not even close.

No. 247423

If an advice on an anonymous board telling someone to break up is enough, it was a dysfunctional relationship from the start. People have their own judgment, no one should be worried about "femcels" stealing women away or whatever. Also there is no such thing as a femcel, any woman could get a boyfriend.

No. 247424

imo you're still a femcel if you are just too bitter and jaded to ever have a relationship(infighting)

No. 247425

Wow, really?! And here I was thinking they were in a 50 year marriage! Durrr… silly me. Seriously, are you daft? I brought up a 50 year old marriage to show you that if you want to have a long lasting relationship you need to WORK OUT ISSUES instead of just giving up and ending the relationship every time you have a problem with your partner, was that really too hard for you to understand?

No. 247427

Nayrt but the OP's bf doesn't have a little fixable flaw, it's a fundamental problem with his personality. You sound unhinged caping for moids like this. That moid will never be in a 50 year marriage.

No. 247428

I think it's a moid going around threads. They also posted the same rhetoric on nigel thread and replied to to a 2 year post saying we'd all be dying alone as femcels unless we settled for shit men.

No. 247429

Yeah, but those flaws don't have to involve disrespecting you, emotionally abusing you, neglecting your needs, gaslighting you, and so on. A good amount of men do this shit, and women need to recognize when it happens and steer clear. You can't "work on" someone disrespecting you on a fundamental level.

No. 247430

Oops, thank you nona. I should have known it was scrote bait.

No. 247438

Everyone you dislike is a moid.

No. 247440

Youre not wrong that’s 100% kevin samuels pure moid rhetoric

No. 247442

Buurgh? Now that you’ve said this, I believe you’re a lady!

No. 247443

Everyone I dislike is, in fact, a moid. You, for example.

No. 247444


No. 247445

/fit/ is filled to the brim with coomer threads and /r9k/ whining and /an/ has some posters legitimately into beastality

No. 247446

Yeah any board on 4chan has a darkside where moids are obsessed about a specific kind of fetish.

No. 247454

Chosing to not date men isn't the same as men shitting themselves and killing because no woman in their right or wrong mind wants to sleep with them.

No. 247476

File: 1646446719947.jpg (61.69 KB, 720x540, EJOqAszUYAIg8lS.jpg)

/Fit/ are the worse coomers of them all since they usually develop bizarre preferences for body types that no human is ever going to meet naturally (extremely muscley and curvy, "high t" which is just extremely morbidly obese in a waist trainer, stick thin with boobs bigger than your head, etc)

At least beastiality coomers know it's wrong and don't act on it, /fit/ dudes just date women and impose their bizarre fetishes on the women they date and manipulate the women into severe body dysmorphia or binge eating disorders, a lot even brag about making their girlfriends gain tons of weight and take breast enhancement pills

No. 247477

I've seen multiple girls on tiktok of all places venting that their gymbro boyfriends pretty much emotionally abused them into having eating disorders, /fit/ guys are the worst.

No. 247479

>Chosing to not date men

No. 247480

What the fuck are you talking about, /fit/ has some of the most normalfag users on 4chan, including the female posters. You sound like one of the /r9k/ crossboarders.

No. 247481

File: 1646450888241.jpg (41.27 KB, 640x401, k3yp6end2es21.jpg)

the anons in here remind me of that hysterical "internet hate machine" tv report on 4chan. lots of people go there just to laugh at the absurdity of it all. that one nonna above worded it in a cringy way but she's right that the average "normie" who only has a reddit account for lurking is likely way more of a gross coomer

No. 247483

Cross posting from the vent thread in /ot/:
I went on a date with a man the other week and it was one of the nicest first dates I'd been on. We laughed, had lots of things in common, and shared a kiss at the end. At the end of the date he said he had a great time and that I was easy to talk to, and we planned our second date from there. The night before the second date, he messaged me to say he had to fly to his home town for family reasons, and that he'd message me when he's back in my state. I don't doubt what he was saying was true, the message was thoughtful and he expressed sadness we couldn't see each other as he was really looking forward to it. What I am worried about is that something pretty bad has happened, I know his dad is quite old and probably on his death bed, that's what I'm assuming has happened, and if he dies or something really horrible happens, he won't really be in the state of mind to continue seeing me. It's been nearly a week since he sent me that message, and I'm not going to bother messaging him as he's pretty consistent about getting back to me when he mentioned getting back to me before.

It's just making me sad and unsure because I had a really great time with him and I wanted to explore more of what we could've been, it was really such a nice time and I'm really attracted to him both physically and mentally. I hope that what's happening with him gets resolved, or at least isn't so traumatising that he's going to come back here and have no interest in dating afterwards. My mind is preparing for the worst but it's paining me nonnies.
Of course there's a paranoid part of me that thinks he's using it as an excuse not to see me again but I really doubt that when he gave every indication that he likes spending time with me and wanted to do more of it. He was so respectful and let me kiss him at the end of the night, and the kiss we shared was really something. We didn't want to pull away from each other. He's been going through a hard time in general but still made the effort to meet me and have a good time. He's really all I've been able to think about since, but I don't want to get my hopes up when it's only been one date.
I don't know how much longer to hold on, or if I should just mentally set it aside until he eventually messages again (if he does). But right now it's paining me. Rarely do I meet someone down to earth, not attached to social media, politically aware, animal loving, just an all round good person.
All I can really do is sit and manifest a message from him saying it's all good and he can't wait to see me again.

I'm posting this here because I'm wondering if it's too much to send a message to see how he's going. I know he said he'd message when he returns, but would it be nice? Courteous? It's only been one date but we were chatting a fair bit leading up to it, so I'm just not sure if it's appropriate.

No. 247485

You probably don't lurk in the meek hours of the night, dudes there get straight up psychotic

No. 247488

File: 1646454547777.jpg (22.24 KB, 493x622, images.jpeg-147.jpg)

nuns have done it for centuries, whats stopping weebs?

No. 247492

You sound either really young or really inexperienced or both. Message him, don't, it doesn't matter. A single text will not make or break a nonexistent relationship, no matter how passionate the texting beforehand. Personally I think this sounds fishy, but let's say his dad really is dying. If he wants you to know what's going on and has the capacity to prioritize you right now, he will get back to you. If it's so serious that it makes him want to drop other obligations in the foreseeable future, then oh well, that sucks but things outside our control happen all the time. It's understandable that the pain of losing a parent might outweigh the desire to date, even if he had a good time. He will not be the last man you'll ever have a decent date with.
>let me kiss him
Did he "let" you pull out the chair for him and pay for his dinner too? Christ. You're fawning over a guy you barely know. It's one thing to be excited but it's dangerous to idealize strangers this much anon. At best you get your feelings hurt after they fall off the pedestal, at worst it puts you at risk for manipulation and abuse.

No. 247499

Funny, I'm neither young nor inexperienced, I'm actually the opposite. It's just so rare that I meet someone and instantly click, which has me over thinking my actions. I'm worried about coming on too strong, which is what I tend to do when I like someone.

I liked that he let me kiss him because a lot of the first dates I've been on men can get very handsy very quickly, so I enjoyed being around someone respectful of my boundaries. Your response is very bitter, have you been hurt before?

No. 247500

>"Your response is very bitter, have you been hurt before?"

Nta but you sound very insecure and anon just want to protect you and your feelings. Fawning over a dude you don't know at all that hard makes you seem very insecure and an easy target. But I guess as with all in this thread, you don't want advice, only validation. Then you'll be back here crying over him a thousand times.

No. 247501

Nonnie, her response went straight to attacking me instead of just giving me actual advice, calling me naive rather than just answering what I asked. I know at the end of the day, if it happens it happens and if it doesn't it doesn't. Just because I'm excited to start something with someone, it doesn't mean I'm insecure.

No. 247503

Thank you.
I wasn't attacking you, I was just being blunt. I see you're keen to make personal attacks though. Whether you are or aren't young/inexperienced, the point is that your post makes you sound that way because of how much you're romanticizing this guy. I even explicitly said "It's one thing to be excited" but clearly you're way beyond that point and deeply invested. To feel all this
>sad and unsure
>traumatising that he's going to come back here and have no interest in dating
>all I've been able to think about since
>All I can really do is sit and manifest
Over someone you've literally met once is too much. Plus your entire post is about asking whether you should text him or not. If you're so experienced, surely you realize something so minor will have absolutely no bearing on the outcome of this guy's supposed trip and his interactions with you. Come on.

No. 247505

Some anon on /ot/ mentioned Lolcow was posted on /fit/ few days ago so the male posters are from there. As you can see, most of them aren't the chad gym bros they larp as but steroid addicted grotesque monsters who can't get with any woman because of their deformed bodies, steroid madness and steroid induced tits. That's why they feel the nees to get upset at woman for not dating men.

No. 247506

I don't think a "Are you doing alright?" text could be considered clingy or desperate. He's not going to get upset that you care about how he's doing, especially since it didn't sound like he was going to have a good time
If he doesn't reply, do -not- send anything else

No. 247507

This is honestly one of the most hostile threads on the entire site and it's pretty fucking sad. People come here asking for advice because they had a fight with their boyfriend and instead of support from other women they just get relentlessly shit on because "YOU DATE SCROTES?! CRINGE! CRINGE! MEN SUCK AND YOU SUCK! CRINGE!" I don't think I will ever share a problem here because it's pretty obvious there is no genuine advice ever going to be given here, only bitter women who want to tear others down who have relationships and want to make them as jaded and miserable as they are. Crabs in a bucket.

No. 247509

It may be okay to ask him how he's doing and show him some support. But don't be too pushy and ask him what's going on etc. It could be something heavy and if he wants to continue to date you he will put in the time. However if you did get caught up in a place where he lost a parent etc. he may not even be in the right headspace for a whole year (or more) to date. So be weary, it's probably a sign from fate or something that you should just move on, but who knows, he may put in the extra miles to get to know you after his family situation (which it hopefully is).

No. 247510

I will agree that this thread has gotten pretty hostile over the years, I myself just lurk now as I feel like it's too red hot to bother asking any advice without getting told you're the retarded one and you should just leave. Kind of unfortunate.

No. 247511

Unfortunately very true, nonny. I think there is a time and a place for reminding people that moids bad and this thread isn't it. It's also the same on any sex or sex fantasy-related threads, people will assume the absolute worst case scenario about your situation or relationship immediately because you're with a man. I get it, I hate most men too, but when nonnas come for advice I think it should be focused on helping them and not preaching about scrotes or how silly and cringe you are for dating men.

No. 247512

Okay I guess we should just hugbox next time, yes dear your moid that treats you like shit is a good guy and your relationship is great! The guy who completely disrespects you and treats you like garbage and devalues you during arguments is such an amazing hubby, I wish I had a bf like that! Oh he dehumanises you and abused you? Oh don't break up, I'm sure he is actually a great guy, you just have to do more for him and treat him like a prince, no wonder he treats you like shit if you don't kiss the ground he walks on at all time!

No. 247513

You do realise you can't change a person right? Anons come here with their garbage bfs then cry and whine when people tell them to have some self respect. Yeah if he treats her like shit, she sould break up. Has nothing to do with being bitter and jealous, if we were, we would just tell anons to stay being abused.

Maybe, just maybe, we actually care about our fellow women enough to tell them like it is?

No. 247514

>garbage bf
nobody is saying any of their bfs are bad, you're literally biased towards thinking all men are bad.
The ability to talk about our boyfriends is degraded and bemoaned by people like you who say 'all men are bad' when you don't realize how good we have it and how happy we are, and you stomp on everyone's stories and you take everything in the worst possible light because of these values that you hold to spite men. When you stop being so hateful and derogatory you might start to understand that not every man is your toxic ex boyfriend.

No. 247515

Thank you both for the advice! Especially
>If he doesn't reply, do -not- send anything else
I already figured this, but it's good you brought it up. The more texts you send through the more desperate you start to look lol.

I think it's a mix of both. You get some people who will genuinely be nice and try and help, and others who just tear through because they're having a bad day, or that's just how they feel they best give advice. I think with my post I'd cross posted from the vent thread which was way more of a ramble than a concise question asking for advice, which is why anons latched on and responded how they did. I admit it sounded spergy, but I'd think mentioning I'd cross posted it would be enough to explain why I phrased it as is (i.e. just copy and pasted from a thread where you can word vomit your thoughts in that moment). I don't feel as strongly about it even a day later, but that wouldn't be apparent from my post.

No. 247516

He aint gonna treat you better by you caping for him on an anonymous female board. How angry and worked up you are over this screams cope.

No. 247517

so by default
>all men are bad
this isn't how it works anon

No. 247518

The only thing you will accomplish by blowing everything that gets posted on here way out of proportion and calling literally anytime a man does anything wrong "abuse" and "YOU NEED TO LEAVE IMMEDIATELY!" is that women will have to take their own boyfriends side to defend them against the accusations you start flinging at them every single time. You are literally forcing women into a defensive position where they have to clear up these wrong assumptions you are making and by default they can now no longer vent and complain about their men because they have to justify being with them to you screeching harpies. What you are doing is to assure that the women coming here to complain will think "huh, maybe I have been overreacting a bit because he isn't as bad as people here make him out to be" and making sure she stays with him. You are completely retarded if you think your completely overblown attacks will make someone see the light.

No. 247519

No. 247520

>OP comes to thread because boyfriend consistently forgets to put the toilet seat down
>uhm.. actually he's not that bad he treats me very well and really loves me
>OP thinks about how her boyfriend is actually great 99% of the time and goes to hug him
Every time, kek.

No. 247521

No. 247522

Warning women their boyfriend's 4chan or porn addiction is dangerous isnt being biased or jealous.

Telling women to break up with men who clearly don't want them or value them isn't being biased.

Telling women to not stay with emotionally and verbally abusive men isn't jealousy.

None of these anon complained about simple stuff like toilet seats.

They complain about their bfs always negging them. Humiliating them and arguing with them over their ideas even though they agree to the same ideas with other people around. Giving them them toys and shit like they're consoling a child rather than a woman instead of apologizing to them.

Go defend your /fit/ boyfriend that likes staring at men's muscles more than looking at you or your redditor boyfriend who'd rather masturbate than spend time with you but don't tell women to stay in relationships that clearly ruin their self-esteem and self-respect.

No. 247525

Do you deny that what you said was overblown and too harsh, considering the situation?
Do you agree that there is an epidemic of anons telling women to "break up with their bf" incessantly on /g/ for no reason?

No. 247528

There are rarely ever women posting here who are truly in abusive relationships with awful men. They are just perfectly normal relationship problems and men being men most of the time. You are jaded and biased and framing things that are posted in the most awful way possible to proof your own bias about men right. You're not helping anyone and I don't think you even want to, you just come here to feel better about yourself by shitting on other women for dating "shitty men" all the while telling yourself that you are so much better off because you don't have a man to be so "abusive" to you. It's funny tho that you are trying to frame it as you being a good person who is just trying to help while you insult and shame other women.

No. 247530

File: 1646481526078.gif (174.28 KB, 498x360, 1645625040817.gif)

I know I shouldn't had to this mess but based post. Why would anyone even post something here if they expected a hugbox à la reddit. I think anons are harsh with men here because society is generally too generous with excusing their behaviour. The poster can choose or not to listen to our advices but I think this thread and lc in general is valuable because you almost never get this perspective from anyone else.

exactly, I think that women who defends 4chan have not spend a huge amount of time on it and they seems to think that it is just a bit edgy and coomerish (or that memes like >>247481 are an accurate portrayal of the type of post )
. They don't understand that the amount of informations that actually concern the board/thread topic is extremely small and you have to search through all sort of disgusting shit and baits to access it. Anyone who choose to spend time there is not doing it to simply discuss and learn about the board topic because there is just much more efficient ways to do it. That's why anons are imediately concerned when anyone brings 4chan.

No. 247533

I'm not one of the anons that advice breaking up, schizo. I'm simply saying it's not healthy to expect a mentally ill man to treat a woman right.

Women are always expected to stay in shit relationships and fix the men but it only emds up getting worse for them overtime. If a man is shit even in Honeymoon phase, it's not gonna get any better.

I'm not one of the previous anons so I never insulted women. Take your pills.

Argue on a website with usernames if you want to drag out arguments with the same people. If you want a hugbox to get told how nice your bf is for doing the bare minimum go and make a post on reddit.

No. 247537

>go on reddit
>is using reddit spacing in all posts

No. 247538

Anons itt are not biased, nor bitter, jaded or being mean. Nobody is going overboard and it’s quite telling that derailers have to make up false scenarios like muh toiletseat, instead of referencing the actual issues that were brought up. Which if I may reiterate were:

>boyfriend obsessively checks 4channer opinion on every real life topic

>”encourages relapse into porn addiction”
>”it makes me feel awful”
>”you’ll never find a man as cucked as I am
>”I already censor myself around you

Anons are not lashing out against ShiTtY eXeS, which in addition to “muh toiletseat” and other strawmen are incredibly moidy defences to jump to. Can’t that tubby greek give you guys a ride back to /fit/ or wherever is so totally different and better than reddit??

No. 247540

There needs to be a balance. If the moids are doing something serious or potentially serious then we should be blunt sure, but I've also seen people jump straight to assuming someone is getting beaten or abused simply because of miscommunication or a very minor issue.
Let's not act like people on LC don't jump to accusations about stuff like this, it happens a lot. I understand that most of this is down to all of us having bad experiences with moids so I'm not gonna call people bitter shrews because I get it, but I also don't think it's fair to jump down other nonnies throats and accuse them or their partners of xyz over a minor issue like lack of communication or a misunderstanding.
It doesn't need to be a hug box but it also shouldn't be a place where nonnies are fearful of posting something because they will get told they or their partners are something that isn't even true.
I posted something personal seeking advice on LC a while ago, and someone completely twisted my situation and called me brainwashed and a libfem just because my exact opinion didn't align with theirs. It does happen, not all the time ofc, but it does make nonnies think twice about posting on here, that's all I will say.

No. 247541

How are you even getting “all men are bad” from what was posted?

>omg you must have no boyfriend and are trying to break up totally happy couples!!

Why can’t/don’t you give actual advice in here?

No. 247542

I posted last year and I got slammed with 'leave him' comments and I got told that I'm stupid. Even though I don't believe my problem was that severe I just wanted a second opinion. I haven't posted here since and I just lurk now.

No. 247544

There was a time I noticed just plain trolls in here that were trying to get a rise out of people and bait arguments using other people’s posts usually coincides with angry trannies and goreposting. It’s unfortunate if some users are afraid of asking for opinions but I think the sentiment here is genuinely caring and supportive even if some people are harsh or just reacting like >>247229 kek

No. 247545

I don't think I've ever posted in this thread before and I just lurk occasionally but if you really think some "break up with him" reactions are understandable. For these cases >>247215 for example.

No. 247546

Ran out of arguments, schizo-chan?
I didn't see anyone accuse anyone of domestic violence. There have been a few emotionally and verbally abusive men that got posted, ie that what you mean?
You got to admit >>247229 is hilarious and actually true. Women need to value themselves more. Why would you date a man with an incel mindset who clearly has very bad mental issues that he needs to get fixed before he dates anyone?

No. 247548

>my boyfriend looks at coins on /biz/
This is exactly what I'm talking about. Completely overblown reaction.

No. 247549

File: 1646486613256.jpg (61.25 KB, 609x668, 1643203370817.jpg)

>/ot/ gets a new wave if moids
>/g/ immediately floods in "NOT ALL MEN" statements

No. 247550

Nta but her boyfriend obviously doesn't just "look at coins on /biz/" >>247215

No. 247554

I can see how the vagueness of him just saying 'family reasons' is frustrating and leaves you to guess. If you're right and it's his dad I'd say your concerns about him not following up with you are reasonable. Having lost a parent myself while in the middle of an already commited relationship.. even that is messy to navigate. You can be left feeling very detached in the months that follow.

I think one message is fine seeing as you're so in the dark right now. Don't outright ask for details but just say you're thinking about him and hope he's okay, he might then offer up more detail himself. He might not want to land such serious shit on you so soon.

I guess you have to be open to all th possibilities given you don't know him too well yet. Worst case is it might be a cover up for him changing his mind or dating someone else and keeping his options open but I'd give him some time and see how it pans out. Keep yourself busy if you find you're thinking about him too much.

No. 247555

If you think someone is a moid, hit the report button instead of shitting up the thread with your non-contribution and tinfoiling.

No. 247556

Let's be real, even if nonnas are a bit trigger happy about calling out scrote bfs, the bfs in question probably aren't that great to begin with. People in an otherwise happy relationship don't seek advice about small problems. There's probably more other shit beneath the surface the nonna hasn't consciously realized yet.

No. 247558

You are literally the only one overreacting here, just in the opposite direction than you’re accusing nonnies of doing. Cherrypicking issues and exaggerating responses. Go wash the smegma out of your foreskin.

No. 247559

Ayrt. Yes, I love posts like >>247229 because they’re actually so lighthearted and show posters how weird their predicaments are. Like there’s a whole mountain of people that don’t have to deal with 4chan scrotes but posters like >>247548 would want to convince you that your human landmine is just some regular guy.

No. 247561

Ayrt. Yes, I love posts like >>247229 because they’re actually so lighthearted and show posters how weird their predicaments are. Like there’s a whole mountain of women that don’t have to deal with 4chan scrotes but posters like >>247548 would want to convince you that your human landmine is just some regular guy.

No. 247562

I just hope anyone considering posting in this thread in the future reads these posts and realize how nonnas really think about you. It's not enough to already be upset because of your boyfriend, you also need to be completely humiliated and torn apart by the women you thought would give you support.

No. 247564

File: 1646489911218.png (304.14 KB, 365x362, hertahaeh.PNG)

I miss the old days of lc

No. 247565

>th-they don’t really care about you, potential girlfriends
Nice try, girls don’t get torn apart or humiliated ITT and anons don’t “really think” anything they don’t say. You’re personally hurt by what you see as manhate and want to project that onto new posters.

No. 247571

you sound upset over my short remark

No. 247578

>y-you're probably a scrote!
When you have no arguments left. Sad.

No. 247580

If your relationship is so fragile a literal anonymous nobody telling you to break up threatens you, yeah well yeah I dont really need to say more do I?

No. 247581

My ex boyfriend who I have been in love with for ages recently got back in contact with me saying he misses me and wants me back in his life. When it first happened i was totally elated and overjoyed but as time has gone on I’ve realised he hasn’t changed and he’s still the flaky hot and cold mess that caused us to break up the first time around. The answer is clearly really obvious. I know I need to break up with him but it’s really difficult to as I have had him on a pedestal for all this time and built him up in my head as a saviour and the one good thing going on for me right now (all my other life stuff is going really shitty). How can I cut him off in a way that wont devastate me and how do I become okay with being alone and stop being so obsessive over this guy and the thought of love and relationships in general?

No. 247582

File: 1646496695341.jpg (158.39 KB, 764x800, 800wm.jpg)

I think I really am getting too old for the cattiness on here, it's just so fucking exhausting it makes me tired to just read this shit. I think it's time for a break.

No. 247589

File: 1646502348693.jpeg (910.21 KB, 1242x1219, BABF086C-496F-4B1F-8E50-083A81…)


Had to break up with my longtime partner of 6 years very recently. We still love each other which is why we had to. Turns out he wanted kids, I didn’t. I was very clear and up front about my choice since the beginning and I thought he was too but he was lying to himself and me in order to keep the relationship going. The relationship we had was something I’ll never take for granted. We were each other’s best friends and we were great at communicating. It was a healthy, loving relationship that a lot of people dream of having. Even the break up was so mature and loving, but very heart wrenching.It is so painful knowing he won’t be in my life anymore, at least not for a while. But I want him to be happy cause he deserves it. I know this was the right choice.

I miss him so much. I wish he was honest with me sooner, but I am so grateful for the experience.

No. 247591

He sounds like he expected you to change your mind eventually, and left when he realized you wouldn't be his incubator. Nothing loving about that, I'm sorry he tricked you

No. 247596

see, this is the kind of cynical, jumping-to-conclusions unhelpful "advice" we were talking about. no, you cannot claim he tricked her. people do in fact change their mind about kids all the time but it's almost never the people who never wanted to have them but the "fence sitters" and partners of those people who thought that the relationship was more important to them than kids.
here's some actual advice to the op: as a person who's firm about her desire to not have kids you need to date people who also feel that way from the beginning. not people "who aren't sure", not people who "might want them but might also not" and certainly not people who "used to want them but love you more than the idea of having kids" because they will just end up resenting you for missing out on the opportunity to have children. it's not fair to you and not fair to them. it's not pleasant to hear and it will limit your dating pool significantly but most people do want children and that desire runs deeper than romantic love. anything else than a "fuck no, i never wanted them" to the question "do you want children someday?" probably means "yes", don't kid yourself

No. 247599

I'm so sorry to hear that. This is honestly one of my biggest fears. I'm also not interested in having kids, it's something I've already discussed many times with my partner and we're on the same page - but - a biiig part of me is scared he'll change his mind one day. I know I won't, so if he does we would end up in the same situation.

No. 247600

Stop blaming her. She communicated with him and took him at his word yet he decided to change his mind. In the end he didn't actually give enough of a shit about her or the relationship and would rather find an incubator for kids he won't even take care of himself. This is 100% on him and not her. You just want to be controversial and not blame the scrote. You don't have to go so far, he won't pick you. Anyway it's better she realizes he didn't actually love her so she can move the fuck on.

No. 247601

jesus christ just stop it already

No. 247603

you sound insane and almost as if you're doing a parody of what we were discussing earlier in the thread. might as well jump to him having abused her while you're at that.
anyway, no, this is not about defending the scrote. i myself was in a relationship with a man who did not want kids and thought i could be happy without them. i wasn't lying to him, i was lying to myself. no one is to blame in a situation like that. i'm not blaming her either - it's advice that could help her avoid heartache in the future. you have zero constructive advice and just want her to be as bitter and miserable as you clearly are.

No. 247608

NTA But pretty much all men who truly do not want children are redditors who hold vasectomy celebration parties and/or chapo brocialists who are convinced society will fall apart from climate change any day now. Otherwise men tend to see it as demeaning and being a genetic dead end. If you're truly set on it, you're better off not dating. Men are not good for much other than that anyway and you won't find a decent one.

No. 247611

Stop picking up fights with every anon that gives advice. You're the reason this thread is shitty as you like to say it is. Fuck off.
Sounds like he changed his mind, this honestly sounds so sad since you clearly loved each other so much, anon. I hope both of you find people that love you just as much and share the same plans future plans.

No. 247612

how is "your boyfriend who you clearly care about and who we have no reason to believe did not care about you is actually evil for changing his mind and you should waste your energy being mad at him" advice?

No. 247613

Girl are you camping in this thread 24/7? You're the unhealthy one and need therapy cause you got the pickmeisha syndrome and your addiction to unwashed cock drives you to defend literal 4chan fags. Hope all your bfs turn out to be the same kind of porn addicted fags you cape for and screw you over and over like you seem to think men have the right to. This man led her on for 6 years, yeah he might've been unsure but you don't lie for 6 years, bitch. Some people have lives and value their time so his disrespect isn't forgivable to them, unlike you, who'd do anything for a crumb of attention from a man.

No. 247614

what the fuck are you talking about? i made a couple of posts about the infighting being too much, you're just shadowboxing with some other anons you argued with now. take the fucking meds.

No. 247615

I'm sorry anon. Exact thing happened to me, told him within the first week of meeting that I didn't want kids and that would never change. He said he was on the same page. Years later, he broke it off for that very reason. I will say that as hard as it was at the time, him leaving was one of the best things that ever happened to me since it freed me of all the invisible little obligations I hadn't realized he was pushing on me. Not saying you didn't love and value one another, just that this will likely end up presenting more positives down the road. It's okay to hurt "for now" and mourn the loss. Wishing you the best.

No. 247616

You're the one who's starting the infighting and replying to every post in a matter of minutes. "a couple of posts", really? Why are you making posts starting infights rather than giving advice if infighting bothers you so much? Be honest, when you see a post you don't like, you get upset and have a rage fit but it's only considered infighting when the person or someone else replies defending their opinion. Also leading someone on for so long and lying isn't ok whichever side does it. Stop acting like it is.

No. 247617

except i already gave the op advice and it was a lot more constructive than "your boyfriend lied to you because i said so, be angry and miserable!"

No. 247621

>How can I cut him off in a way that wont devastate me
If by "devastate" you mean "be very sad about it", you're in love with him so there's really no way; if you mean "will lose the ability to love and/or instantly die", any way is going to work because cutting him off isn't going to ruin you. In fact, it's going to improve your life
I don't think you need advice on how to break up with him, you already did it once. You'll become okay with being alone by first being alone, then improving your sense of self-worth. It's a very difficult thing to do, many never reach that point. It's essentially done by becoming the person you want to be, and since it can be a very vague goal a therapist could be the best person to help you. In any case the next step for now is for you to break up with him, and it's going to be much easier than you think because it's really the only thing you can do

No. 247628

Nonnas I need help. I have two female friends who both deal with depression. I like them both a lot, one of them is my best friend. Every time I try to set boundaries, they seem to either don't care or feel attacked. I am always there for my friends, listening if they require someone to vent to, giving advice if they ask for it. I don't judge their various shortcomings because, most of the time, they are not in a good place. The problem is, they are draining me mentally, and I don't know what to do anymore.
I can't just have one evening for myself, watching a movie etc. without getting asked if I want to hang out. I can't have fun with other people because they are always in my messages. And I do ignore it when I'm with other people, but it still is a burden.
I feel like they rely on me to make them happy again, to entertain them when they feel lonely. I do that when I can, but I don't know how to tell them that I, myself, have issues as well and need some time to myself. Especially right at that moment, when they ask me to do stuff. Maybe someone has a similar issue and has some tips for me?

No. 247633

are they getting professional help? if not, you cannot be their friend unless they do. mentally ill people who are not putting in the work to be better use everyone around them as surrogate therapists, nothing you can say will make them change their ways aside from getting actual therapists

No. 247635

You're going to have to cut them off, either for a time or permanently. This isn't a case of them not knowing how intrusive they are, it's a case of you asking them to respect your boundaries and them not respecting you

No. 247636

thank you for responding anon. It helps a lot knowing I 100% made the right choice. Can I ask you if you two are still in each other’s lives?

No. 247641


One of them went to therapy last year, the other one is on meds, so it's not that they are doing nothing, but it's not enough, and I know this. I guess they know as well, but I don't know that.

I'm already trying to keep my distance as much as possible, I only see them very rarely since a few weeks ago. But it's hard because of social media and me not having a lot of other friends to be honest.
It's not that I don't see the toxic behavior as well. The silent treatment when I won't do what they want (aka give them my full attention).

No. 247647

I went through my boyfriends phone while he was sleeping because I caved into my paranoia. I haven’t had loyal relationships in the past and I would always find awful stuff on their phones. I’ve been trying not to do that with my new boyfriend because I trust him but I just couldn’t fight the urge to do it. Let me tell you I looked through everything and it was only just wholesome stuff lol. It made me feel so bad looking through his phone. He wasn’t even messaging any other girl besides me or his mom….. I love him

No. 247649

Happy to hear this, anon. Blog post but I've been told by men around me all men cheat and I should come to terms with it so I'm paranoid as well. I even cheated on a boyfriend because I was suspicious of him and ruined the relationship. He wasn't cheating.

No. 247650

That's kind of ridiculous.

No. 247651

Yes but I was like 13-14.

No. 247654

I can't find anyone I like even though I try hard. I keep on going on million first dates from tinder. We never click. When I like someone, they don't like me back and ghost me after weeks of leading me on pretending they are into me. When someone likes me, I don't like them back (but I have the decency not to lead on and ghost). I find someone attractive irl that also likes me, turns out they're way too young or taken. Someone vibes well with me? Well they're unstabe or they're unattractive. There are only three things I hate on guys which turn me off and make attraction impossible - extremely short hair, beards and being obsessed with astrology. Of course everyone I vibe with has to have at least one of these and be really proud of it.
I'm starting to actually give up. It's always such a mismatch. I feel like I've exhausted my luck to find a partner on my last relationships and now it's just gonna be like continuously hitting my head on a concrete wall and trying to unknot a painful hair-tangle.

No. 247660

I'm ready to get chewed out for this but I need help.

I've been dating this girl for 10 months now. We started our first 6 months or so ldr, she lived two hours away. I moved to her city because of school and was hoping that I'd see more of my girlfriend from now on. To give you context, we're both new to dating girls and pretty young. I just turned 20 recently and she turned 19. We've been extremely busy with our schedule as college students and have seen less and less of each other. I'm talking, I saw her a few days before christmas and didnt see her again until like Valentines day. And we live in the same city.

Fast forward to last night. It was our first time hanging out privately. We usually meet up at cafe's or restaurants but because of the pandemic we werent really able to meet up privately since she lives with her parents and I've had relatives over for a few months.

We were hanging out at a friends place and I had a lot to drink, while she remained sober. I didn't intend to get drunk but I'm an extreme lightweight and eventually I just ended up getting hammered. While I was hammered I was extremely touchy and affectionate but I think I crossed the line. We haven't had sex or really made out because she's not ready or shes too shy. But last night we were making out and I had her touch my boobs, and I was even joking around and put my boobs in her face. Looking back at it now it's so embarrassing but like I said, I was so hammered I thought it was okay. I let her know that if I'm crossing any boundaries to let me know and we can stop and eventually we stopped kissing.

She texted me this morning saying she felt gross and that I had crossed a boundary and she doesnt know if she can be in a relationship or continue this anymore. I feel awful anons. I feel like i had betrayed and violated her trust and did things I shouldnt have. My drinking wasnt an excuse and I feel like a gross moid. I should have known better. I am devastated and i dont know what to do. I respected her wishes for some space and breaking up but I really want to make things right. I feel so awful what can I do?

No. 247663

I have issues with this too nonna, previous boyfriends who couldn't even be bothered to hide stuff properly so I'd always have to find out about cheating via his phone or pc. Did the same with my current bf only to find normal stuff or texts from his mom.
Hopefully you finding that can help you break the snooping/paranoid habits now that you know there was nothing shady on his phone. It's a very difficult habit to break.

No. 247664

You at least apologized to her, right? I don't know if it's something you can really undo. You were drunk and made really poor decisions. It's happened to a lot of people. So while this should definitely be a lesson for you to monitor your intake so it doesn't inhibit your impulse control, I think the best thing for you to do right now is just apologize and give her space. Don't try to do anything else right now. She's still processing things and she may be open to talking to you again after, or not. And that's something you need to accept. After some time, if she wants to talk again, ask her for a do-over. Take her on a nice date with no pressure. Maybe for lunch or some other public place like you had been doing before this happened where she was more comfortable. And if that happens, then make sure to ask her if she wants to talk about it and if she's doing okay, and apologize again for crossing the line. Don't try to pretend it didn't happen or it's no big deal hoping it will make the meeting easier, because it clearly upset her and you need to let her speak about it if she wants to, and let her know that you regret your actions. But if she doesn't want to talk about it, then offer your apologies and move on from it, don't force her to talk about something that hurts her. And don't beg for her to come back, the point of apologizing is not to win her back, but to let her know that she matters to you and you regret hurting her. If she's not open to meeting up again, I wouldn't push it. At all. It won't make your situation any better. I also wouldn't recommend giving her a gift with your apology. Because every time I've received gifts from exes it always made me really uncomfortable and brought up bad memories, it didn't change how I felt about the person and I felt like they were trying to manipulate me, maybe that's just the paranoid side of me but imo wouldn't risk doing that.

No. 247672

Reposting from /ot/ for advice. This is 2 years ago but haven't told anyone. My father asked me if I had a bf. There was a guy who was into me and I show him his picture. My dad tells me I'm so ugly and that's why(?) handsome guys always go for me because they don't care about looks and any guy who did couldn't be into me, keeps mocking my looks. I've had handsome guys interested in me before and even dated them and my dad gave a very surprised response back then too. Anyways the guy asks me out, I freeze and leave because I'm so insecure and think I'm so ugly. See him out with another girl soon, don't even get upset or jealous because she's very pretty and think she's the one he should be with. What should I do to overcome my insecurities? I always turn guys down because men in my family always made fun of my looks even though I don't think I'm that unattractive since no one else mentioned it and I had bfs and stuff.

No. 247674

To be honest I’ve cheated on every person I’ve been with ages 11-15 I think that’s just how kids who don’t understand relationships are

No. 247682

Try using something other than tinder, if you're really interested and serious in finding someone it may even be worth paying for a service like erharmony because people there are more likely to be looking for something actually serious.
>they ghost me after weeks
they wanted you to be a fuck buddy and you didn't put out enough. its not you really, just finding the wrong people for now.

No. 247689

File: 1646531851090.jpg (Spoiler Image,177.99 KB, 928x609, Screenshot_20220305-195629.jpg)

Is my bf having this picture on his computer worth breaking up over

No. 247691

No. 247701

AYRT and Nonnie this is such a nice and well thought out response. Thank you so much for this!

No. 247703

Are you joking? I genuinely can't tell.
Breaking up over cat girl drawings is straight up bpd psychotic.

No. 247705

Yeah, maybe if you wouldn’t. Dating a man with screenshots of loli catgirl dating sims means you have no self respect and are willing to accept a channer soon-to-be troon as your personal abuser for the foreseeable future

No. 247706

Oooof, been there nonnie. I had a best friend who ended up in a psych ward weeks before we had planned to move states together. I was her only friend left.
It's so hard, but ultimately if all they are doing is dragging you down, you need to let them go. It'll hurt them, sure, but you need to look out for yourself first. You can do this two ways, either distance yourself gradually or sit them down and tell them as much as you love them you do have to put your mental health first. You can't be expected to carry them both. I really do empathise, this is a situation where no one wins. Good luck

No. 247707

File: 1646537653181.png (1.34 MB, 1414x656, 02434.png)

Its a dumb eroge, probably the most popular one at that, it's insane and chronically online to assume every single retarded horny weeb is a channer-troon-sociopathic-abuser, dude had a screenshot not even the actual game.
>inb4 scrote
im not a man.

No. 247713

Me and my boyfriend met up tonight with a (female) friend he knew from high school (and had a fling with back then,) her fiancée, and her fiancées friends. It was my first time meeting her.

I got the vague feeling the entire night that she was jealous of me but hiding it well and subconsciously still holds some feelings for my boyfriend, albeit nothing I assume she would act on. Her current fiancée is a bit immature and inconsiderate, which furthers my rationale that she would fantasize about people from her past.

I just had a… terrible feeling about it when we left. I ended up telling my bf after staying silent about it for a while, and of course he doesn’t see it. He let me know that my feelings were valid, but I can tell he doesn’t take my concerns seriously. He wants us all to become more regular of friends, and wants to awkwardly give me her number or vice verse so we can get to know each other more.

What’s funny is that he has hinted towards me wanting to cut ties with one of my male friends just because the male friend had feelings for me before in the past… not even a fling.

What can I reasonably do about this situation?

No. 247714

Sorry for samefag but, am I being dramatic? Am I in the wrong?

No. 247722

Definitely not anon, especially since they had a fling. Trust your gut feeling. Also the irony is so strong when he says to cut ties with a guy who had feelings for you, yet wants you to be friends with someone he had a fling with? I personally would be so uncomfortable, especially with the sense of tension from interacting with her.

No. 247724

No. 247726

Dating a man whos into loli cat girls is pathetic. Funny how you shame women for not being into that shit

No. 247732

Don't even waste your time trying to reason with the people here, everyone who frequents this thread is straight delusional and extremely narrowminded.

No. 247745

I don't have any advice, but your dad sounds terrible. Stop listening to him.

No. 247763

women defending moids into loli cat girls lol pathetic. Ever thought the reason why we act like this is because we have dated anime moids and know how nasty they are? Just admit you want women to stay with them

No. 247768

is it wrong to feel possessive of your partner? last night my girlfriend went out drinking with her friends. she read a text i sent her around 10pm and didn’t respond and then she replied at 6am when she woke up hungover. then she was busy today having meetings with some people in her research department and when we finally called tonight i was kind of annoyed and hurt. she apologized and i told her i don’t want to stop her from having fun with her friends and i don’t want to stop her from doing things for work (and i can’t do that anyway) but i just still felt this irrational possessiveness and annoyance. she told me she doesn’t want to drink again but i know she’s only saying that because she feels shitty and hungover. i told her that it’s not a choice between stone cold sobriety and drinking until you pass out. i’m not a huge drinker but i said either she can just slow down on the drinking so she can at least call or text me to tell me she got home safe (since we’re not living together at the moment) or she can keep drinking loads but don’t apologize to me and make promises she can’t keep. but then i also told her i wish i could keep her with me all the time and steal her away from her friends. it was said in a joking tone but i feel so possessive and crazy at the moment

No. 247773

Based. There are a few anons itt telling women to stay with porn addicted, 4channer, or disrespectful bfs.

No. 247774

i think the fact that you've let your moid get such a grip on you and your relationship that he even feels comfortable enough to not take your concerns seriously is just… pathetic. i think he's a hypocrite and she's probably a psycho, not someone you would want to keep around you at all.

No. 247779

Possesiveness isn't healthy. It's important for your gf (anyone really) to maintain friendships outside of her romantic relationship with you. But you probably know that in the rational part of your mind. I do think it was reasonable to expect a "hey I got home safe" message from her though.

No. 247780

Firstly I think everyone should ignore the dick swinging troll from yesterday and his overreacting nonnie larp.

Anon, you should point out to him his hypocrisy if he’s suggested what you said in the past. It is unnecessary drama if she is jealous of you and not having a bad day for other reasons —but, the best way to go about this is probably to be open to being her friend. That way, if she is hung up on your bf, it’ll be clear and he’ll have to turn her away himself. Alternatively, if he enjoys it you can dump him and leave them in their obvious shamble of relationship management.

You might also bring up how crap her own boyfriend is. If she gets defensive over him, she’ll definitely not be into yours. If she otherwise opens her eyes, you’ll have saved her from that guy, which is also nice. Of course this is all based on my little understanding of what happened that day.

No. 247789

It takes a second to send a quick text - i mean some phones even have auto-text options. I always think it's the bare minimum someone could do for their partner when going out with friends.

No. 247793

sending your partner a text that they are home safe is a sign of respect. It seems like this relationship lacks basic respect.

No. 247794

>being friends with past flings
huge red flag, the fact that he even wants you two to be friends means he either doesn't care for your boundaries enough (or that you've set no boundaries) or he wants to toy with both of you. This guy isn't as loyal as he seems to you right now, don't hurt yourself in the long run.

No. 247796

I’m anon >>247713 and really appreciate everyone’s responses. I gave it a good night’s rest, and still feel so consumed by the situation this morning.
Is it a terrible idea to tell him that it’s fine if he continues this friendship, as long as I’m not involved with it at all anymore? I do trust him not to cheat on me, I just don’t think I can handle dealing with his ex-fling’s empty words of pretending to want to be friends with me while shooting daggers at me.
I almost want my bf to catch her trying to make a move, tbh… I want him to see her foxy behavior for himself, because men are terrible at picking up on it unless it’s direct.
We had plans to go see her as just “a friend I knew from high school” until he let it slip later that he actually had a “flirtationship” type thing with her. I want to know why he’s so intent on this working out when we as people barely have anything in common.

No. 247798

>because men are terrible at picking up on it unless it’s direct.
nona no that's what they tell you so they can keep acting oblivious and have the best of both worlds

No. 247799

He gets off on having both of you compete and doesn't care about either of you. >>247798 is right

No. 247800

Why does he want to be friends with her in the first place????

>just “a friend I knew from high school” until he let it slip later that he actually had a “flirtationship” type thing with her.

He fucked her and he is just not telling you and only giving you slight 'hints' about it.

>Is it a terrible idea to tell him that it’s fine if he continues this friendship, as long as I’m not involved with it at all anymore?

I'm sorry but you seem like a pushover, please stand up for yourself more. Why would you do this to yourself?

>I do trust him not to cheat on me

Are you sure? Why is he pushing you to be friends with an ex fling? Does he just need the green light from you?

>I almost want my bf to catch her trying to make a move, tbh… I want him to see her foxy behavior for himself, because men are terrible at picking up on it unless it’s direct.

No, he initiated and agreed to reinstate this 'friendship' with her, he knows she will flirt with him because they already have premeditated sexual chemistry. He's not oblivious, you are.

I hate being so upfront and direct usually but this really smells bad anon. Please either stand up to him or just find someone who actually respects you.

No. 247801

samefag but sorry for seeming so rude, I can just tell that you're about to get hurt in some way or another by this guy and you do seem like a really nice and sensitive person and I truly don't want to see you get heartbroken nonnie.

No. 247803

Sounds like he's the type of guy to have a girlfriend as a placeholder, while he still lusts over other women and enjoys the shitshow that ensues.
>I want him to see her foxy behavior for himself
Don't blame the woman. Yeah, she might be not be completely innocent but in the end it's your boyfriend who is choosing to actively pursue her and bring her into your lives. If I were you I'd break up with him. Not because he might potentially cheat, but because of how he reacted when you brought up your concerns to him. He's trying to push your boundaries. He's a huge ass.

No. 247805

I want to add to all the other anons telling you to trust your gut feeling here. Is that woman a person he had a continuous friendship before he started dating you, or did he just now decided to rekindle the old friendship? If it's the latter especially I think there should be zero issue if you say you don't want both of you to continue being friends with these people.
One thing I gotta say though, I honestly admire how confident you are in your trust for your boyfriend, this is such a healthy thing to have. Our advices are not so much about "don't trust your boyfriend", more so "trust yourself".
To be honest it reminds me of something that happened to me, spoiler for blogpost I started dating a guy and few months in he introduced me to his friend and her fiancé, first time we met I instantly felt she doesn't like me, which made me think the same thing as you did, that she's jealous. Boyfriend though insisted on us hanging out together more, and ever since on every later meeting and hangout she was the nicest, kindest person to me, I wholeheartedly believed she actually became my friend too. Just to find out about a year and half later that her and my boyfriend were having sex behind my and her fiancé's back the entire time. That's why in these cases I think we all really should not discard these gut feelings, even if for anyone on the "outside" it would sound completely baseless

No. 247807

>I want him to see her foxy behavior for himself, because men are terrible at picking up on it unless it’s direct.

They're honestly not terrible at it, nona. Men know what they want and how they're being talked to, they're not the dumbdumb penisbrained caveman they want you to believe. I'd also still question why he is so insistent on him and you being friends with a past fling of his - it never really ends well, especially considering he wanted you to cut ties with one of your friends.
This stuff either works both ways, or it doesn't work at all. He can't tell you that he wants you to cut off your friend yet expects you to be fine with one of his female friends. It's not fair and to me, it absolutely sounds shady.
I had a similar experience with my ex who would question every single male friend I had, whilst at the same time ignoring me if I ever tried to question the fact he would go out by himself and see a female 'friend' of his. I was dumb and 17 and ignored all of those signs because I wanted to be Cool Girl and put too much trust in him when I was given nothing in return. I found out that he did cheat on me with a different woman, but I'm also willing to bet he cheated with that 'friend' too. Not directly accusing your bf of cheating, but given this situation and the way his little 'friend' looks at you I would absolutely be thinking something is up.

We've evolved to allow our brains and gut instincts to tell us things subconsciously. Society tries to tell women that their instincts are wrong, that they're overreacting, but if you learn anything today please try and learn to listen to your gut. You are allowed to have those feelings and explore them further - hopefully it leads to nothing bad, but don't ever let anyone tell you you can't investigate your gut instincts for whatever reason.
I think many of us can say that if we actually trusted our instincts and investigated stuff we would have found out about being cheated on, lied to etc much MUCH earlier. You sound like a great person to have so much trust in him but you should also never let that trust override what your brain and body is telling you subconsciously. Don't ever feel like you're being too nosy, too dramatic, too insecure etc because of this.

No. 247808

He told me at first that they hadn’t talked in 4 years before recently. So I asked, who decided to reach out first? And he said that he couldn’t remember. I said I found it very hard to believe that after 4 years of no contact, he can’t remember who contacted first like a month ago? And then he clarified that apparently for a while, they had been commenting on each other’s social media posts “hey, how are you? We should hang out sometime!” And just decided to take concrete actions to pursue that recently. They hung out one-on-one without him telling me first a couple weeks ago, but he says he was under the impression that her fiancée would be coming too.
And thank you so much for sharing your story. That’s…. eerily similar to my case.

Ily nonnie. And thank you everyone ITT. I needed to hear all of this. I’m a pushover to everyone in my life, not just him. I’m not sure why I was so afraid to trust my intuition and set these boundaries.

No. 247809

I actually have a toxic story of my own to add. I had a 'fling' with a guy friend of mine from uni, sure it wasn't sleeping with eachother but it was definitely kissing etc. (I cheated on my bf doing this)
I insisted to my bf that we should all be friends, he was mad at me about it and I just got madder at him for not 'trusting me'. We're not together anymore, and I can truly admit now that I really wanted to be with that other guy more than I wanted to be with my bf. I knew my bf was a bit of a loser and would say yes to anything I proposed, but I really just wanted to spend more time with the other guy. I think your bf has different intentions with this person and they're probably more severe than you think. I may be wrong, maybe he truly doesn't have feelings for her and just enjoys their friendship. But the fact that you mentioned that he doesn't want you to be friends with other guys yet insists that you be friends with this woman, seems fishy. I did that to my bf too, I was possessive over women he talked to yet wanted him to be friends with the guy I was cheating on him with (wtf right? I know I know). I was a toxic girlfriend back then, I understand how I was and I've changed, so I can tell you now that it seems like there's a lot more to this than just being her friend..

No. 247810

>They hung out one-on-one without him telling me first a couple weeks ago, but he says he was under the impression that her fiancée would be coming too.
He probably is telling the truth there, but SHE intentionally didn't come with her fiance because she likes your bf and wanted a one on one. Even if he is telling the truth there in this way, he is actually just exposing her liking him.
(also why were they secretly commenting on each others social media posts??? did you know about this as it was happening a while ago???)

No. 247811

Tbf, I don’t have any social media

No. 247812

Oh no… while I could actually be kind of neutral on "I don't remember who messaged who first" kind of thing (as it doesn't really matter who was first if the conversation continued, right?), the fact that they met without you AND without you even knowing that it happened, is a big red flag in my opinion.
Just by questioning all this and not meekly accepting the situation, you're showing that you're not actually a pushover anon. You want and you can do something good for yourself. Just keep on going now!

No. 247814

The whole situation is so off-putting here. Your boyfriend is literally saying "Okay, this woman, her fiancee and her fiancee's friends are going to be our friends now. Be friends with all of them and her. Also, I want you to do this in spite of me and her having a flirtatious past, and the fact we hung out alone, behind your back."
Anon, you need to understand this whole package that is now in YOUR lap and under YOUR consideration. Are you going to accept it as-is? You're fully within your rights to read this situation and say "No, I don't like it", and your boyfriend should honor that.
This is one hell of a bad situation if you feel like you can't bring it up, like you'd feel stupid for talking about it, or for any reason, feel like in lieu of your distaste for the situation, can't get out of it.
The ball is firmly in YOUR COURT, and YOU need to make the final call.
Is this what you truly want?

No. 247826

>men are terrible at picking up on it unless it’s direct
Idk anon he's acting dodgy and you're giving him alot of leeway to just be seen as a fumbling scrote who can't read signals.. but then you're going off of a vibe or a gut feeling and assuming the worst about the woman. It's off balance to think she's some vixen and he's just naive. Your bf owes you his honesty and faithfulness, not her. If he held back info and you only found out when he 'let it slip' then that's a legit problem to address with him. Shit like that snowballs and ruins trust but be careful not to misplace the blame onto third parties. You can't steal a man who refuses to be stolen.
>So I asked, who decided to reach out first? And he said that he couldn’t remember. I said I found it very hard to believe that after 4 years of no contact, he can’t remember who contacted first like a month ago?
This is dodgy too, it doesn't sound realistic that he'd forget. Tell him you need this question answered and you're not taking 'I dunno' as a legit answer. I would bet that he's the one who reached out and he's feigning forgetfulness to avoid an argument. SO he's dumb, he can't read signals, he can't remember detals, he forgot to tell you stuff, he has no idea why you 2 wouldn't love to hang out… he's really playing up the dumb act and giving you nothing in terms of reassurance or solutions to a scenario he created and then thrust you into.

No. 247835

Isn't it funny how men think all women are flirting with them… Until you actually are trying to get with them and suddenly "you have to directly tell me!!! I can't read signals!" kek

9/10 times when men act this way it's because they want to manipulate you to see how desperate you are and how far you will be willing to go for them. Don't feed into it, just ignore him and watch him crawl. I caught so many men who "couldn't read signals" by ignoring them

No. 247872

How long have you both been together?
It's really hard to word my answer to this because I'm a sperg but I think depending on who you ask, everyone will have a different answer to this. I'm personally someone who, if I'm having a big night out with friends I'll put my phone away and then have moments where I check a message, then someone irl will say something to me, so I'll put my phone away then tell myself (and later forget) that I will respond to the message at some point. I've also been the person who obsessively texts and worries about the partner who is out. I don't think it's healthy on your end to worry so much about another adult going out and having fun with friends, and I know you know, deep down, you're not "hoping she's home safe" but you're moreso wondering what she's doing without you.
When we're confident that the people we love, love us back, we're not waiting on texts at check points of the night, waiting desperately to hear back from them to be validated in the idea of "I know they're having fun with friends but deep down all they want is to be with me right now". Maybe it's a stretch, but looking back I know these were my thoughts when I was in the same position you were. And I also know how easy it is to lie to yourself and say that you're doing this out of "care" for them and "worrying about their safety". No, you're not, they're an adult, and they've survived pretty well up until you got here.

This turned into a rant so sorry but the point I'm trying to make is yes, you're being possessive, and that's not necessarily something to panic over. I don't think you're so much worried about them cheating as you are worried that them being without you is more enjoyable of them being with you. And that's a very daunting feeling, but is something worth recognising and letting yourself sit with for a bit. It's best to examine your own feelings first, and why you feel the need to be her only friend.
Lastly, she would not be the same interesting person you are into if she did not have her friends and her social life without you. If you were the only person she ever had extended social interaction with, I guarantee you wouldn't like her nearly as much.

No. 247923

I want nonnies to scold me. I'm one of the retards who somehow got into a long term online relationship. On the spectrum, so is he. But there's just no way forward; I can't move to his location and neither can he to mine. I make a good income now and he's disabled. I used to talk and game with him all day years ago but I want an offline life now and he just wants me to keep things in internet limbo, I always end up feeling guilty if I didn't talk to him that day, even if I was super busy. I want to be single, but I don't want to be the cause of anyone's pain. I know that if I end it he will be devastated and will have a hard time finding someone else (he is a shut in with a serious medical condition). I am terrible with dealing with guilt for making others sad. I really have a hard time with this because I don't have a mom or friends to talk to, I've never broken up with anyone and I feel worse for making others cry than for my own discomfort. Especially because I don't hate him and I actually do care for him and wish him a happy life.

I guess this is more of a vent than advice request, but maybe I wish I could have someone kick me into being more selfish (in a good way). I wish my heart didn't drop and get that childish dread of being "in trouble" every time I disappointed someone.

No. 247934

Staying with someone out of guilt is also incredibly cruel. If you stick around you will probably start to resent him. If you leave earlier it will hurt but you won't taint the memories of your relationship. You have moved apart and have different needs now.

No. 247968

I’m anon >>247713 and I decided it would only be fair to come back with an update for the nonnies who helped me confront this situation.
I ultimately expressed my discomfort again, this time much more clearly and directly. This time I ended by saying that while I trusted him to make his own decision regarding this situation, I would not be making contact with that party any further.
I was so nervous, but he actually responded by telling me that he was glad I spoke up about this and told him exactly how I felt. (Yesterday I was more emotional, wishy-washy, and indecisive with my expression.) He said that he could tell I was uncomfortable with their communication, so he will be reducing communication with her and eventually cutting her off.

I love and appreciate all you nonnies who came forward with your stories and words of advice. I’ll try to be more forward with setting boundaries from now on

No. 247993

thanks for all of this advice. we’ve been together for three years and i think you’re right. obviously i do want to know that she got back safe because i had no idea she even got home but i do think a larger part was that i wish i could have been with her at that moment and i was jealous that she was having fun without me. anyway i’m going to try and keep a lid on these possessive feelings because her friends are lovely and i want her to keep being friends with them obviously. i don’t want her to feel bad about seeing them in the future so i did apologise to my gf for sounding a bit unreasonable and possessive lol. but i also said i would really appreciate if she can at least try to keep in mind to text me or leave me an audio message at some point just so i know she’s heading home or whatever which i don’t think is too much to ask.

No. 248000

letting your partner know what's going on/home safe when they're drinking/doing drugs, around strangers and out in the city is a basic sign of respect.

No. 248018

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please help me figure this out nonnas

I don't know how many times someone has to lie and/or how quantifiably significant the lies have be to earn them the pathological/compulsive liar title, but my boyfriend has lied one too many times for my already limited liking.

Very recently, he lied about having gotten home earlier than usual. We often get home around the same time, me arriving some 10 minutes or so earlier. I got home and he was already there. I didn't go in because I forgot I needed to buy some stuff so left again and called him while on my way to the store. He didn't pick up. I don't think much of it. When I get back I ask him about it and he tells me he was driving and that's why he didn't pick up and that he had JUST gotten home a few minutes ago. Obviously this is bullshit because I had already seen his car home some 30 minutes ago. I'm immediately irate because I was caught off guard. Why lie about this? couldn't and still can't think of a logical reason. I wasn't being accusatory when I asked about it, so it made no sense. I told him I wasn't crazy but to this day he denies having been home early, and of course I don't have proof because how would I have known he would lie about that?

Anyways, now onto what I'm really having a difficult time with. Late last night we were chitchatting and I told him I wanted more information about something he had mentioned. He tells me he would ask this "guy" he knew then paused and said, "well" "this girl", and continued on. I dont know what to make of it, if anything. Does he feel guilty about having lied and this is how he makes up for it? did my almost breaking up with him scare him into being more honest? did he realize he may have a problem with honesty and is trying to be better now? Or could something more nefarious be going on? Before this, he hadn't mentioned any woman so I assumed he didn't know any. On one hand, it's nice he decided to be honest and hope he keeps it up, on the other, makes me wonder why he was going to lie and refer to her as a "guy". Also makes me wonder how many of those guys hes mentioned before are actually women.

No. 248023


forgot to mention that i almost broke up with him over the first incident. decided not to. explained that i wasn't angry he didn't pick up. just angry at him lying about the reason he didnt.

but now he tells me about this girl, which makes me think me telling him "i wasn't angry he didn't pick up. just angry at him lying about the reason he didnt" was reassuring enough to tell me the gender of the person, which he hadn't before for whatever reason. but because i'm a worst case scenario type of person, it makes me think that reason must be a bad one. why be afraid of disclosing the gender of a friend/etc to you partner unless something inappropriate was going on? no im not intimidating or threatening. or what if he thinks if he tells me abt her it will make me less suspicious of her? or trust him for longer/give him the benefit of the doubt if something questionable ever does happen?

sorry sorry my brain is stuck on overdrive rn trying to decipher this

No. 248027

My bf is ok with me doing nude modelling. Is that a good sign?

No. 248030

what kind of nude modelling? I guess it's different is if for art or porn.

No. 248032

I think if you’re considering whether they’re a compulsive liar at all is a bad sign. The question now is whether you’re okay being in a relationship with someone who lies to you so frequently, and I’m hoping for your sake that’s the answer is no.

No. 248033

If he brought it up himself its a bit weird. What's the context?

No. 248036

He doesn't care about you.

“Your naked body should only belong to those who fall in love with your naked soul.”
— Charlie Chaplin

No. 248037

Smells fishy but I don't think there's enough to go off here. Seems like you definitely are the type to overthink which makes me think he may be slightly afraid of telling you the truth about things. But if you're questioning it already, it's probably a bad sign.

No. 248038

No, it's a bad sign. He doesn't respect your body and thinks it's okay for it to be plastered elsewhere for other coomers or ""artists""

No. 248045

Hi tuna

No. 248053

The man I've been dating for the past year and a half seems to not care any more. We live in the same city, couldn't see each other cos of covid for about a year (met online), finally met but dates are 2-3 months apart because he's "busy" with school and his sport. We live in the same city for fucks sake. He can rush from the airport to the gym but can't see me for half a day. Oh, except when his parents are out of town - because that's when he gets to fuck me. Should I mention I'm always the one traveling to see him.

I've helped him with a ton of stuff in his life, he's never done anything for me or given me any gift, didn't do anything other than say happy valentine's day.

I fooled myself he cares because we chat all day every day and he's very affectionate when we're together, but texting is easy and so is being affectionate. He's just a dumb hot man I fell for. His beauty fooled me.

I'm tired of caring more than the other person. I'm mad I wasted so much time.

No. 248075

Sorry anon.. It doesn't really seem like you're after advice, but I hope you leave him and find someone better. Dating and only seeing each other 2-3 months apart is ridiculous and you deserve way better than that.

No. 248083

wasn't charlie chaplin a pedophile?

No. 248085

Thanks anon. I really felt he cared, but I see now he just wanted a penpal he could fuck from time to time. Sucks because now I have to try and get over him which will take even more time from my life as it takes me forever to get over someone.

No. 248100

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He’s lied 2 times now and both times denied denied denied when confronted. insignificant stuff like this last lie. I don’t know if that’s too small a number or not but it’s enough to make me not trust him as much and wonder what else he could be lying about or have gotten away with lying about. Irrespective of the past lying, what would you think if your boyfriend went “this guy I know…well, girl I know, yada yada yada”? That’s mostly what I have an issue with right now. Keep in mind I don’t know this person so I wouldn’t have known any better if he just referred to her as a guy
Yeah maybe but it’s only because of the times he lied to me. I have some questions regarding this person but don’t want to scare him off from being honest again. If anything I want to encourage him and see it’s nbd…. but I don’t know if this decision might come bite me in the ass later on

No. 248108

It's not worth it anon. Relationships don't exist without trust. Worse, since you didn't break up with him the first time, he now knows he can get away with lying and just gaslight you until trouble blows over. His mistakes may seem minimal now but as someone who was formerly with a man like this, 150% it will get worse and he's hiding a hundred other things way more significant than his travel times from you. He does not see you as an equal, he sees you as someone to be manipulated. You will never be able to rely on this guy and that's no basis for a partnership.

No. 248145

did he suggest it for you to do? because in that case he's likely a coomer with an exhibitionism/cuckholding fetish. if you suggested it and he was just fine with it… well, what would you prefer instead - for a man t dictate what you can and cannot do?

No. 248146

nonna… I appreciate your advice and know you mean well, but that's not what I'm asking about at the moment
>he now knows he can get away with lying
maybe you're right, not saying you're not, but see how him telling me the gender of this person he knows I don't know unprompted seems contradictory?

No. 248158

My boyfriend is nice to date and I love him,I think he's great but he is 100% not marriage material. I'm 24 now so I want to date to marry. Idk how I'm going to break it to him. I guess we can go for one more year and then I'll break it off.

No. 248160

Why is he not marriage material? If there's a clear end date then why not break it off now?

No. 248162

Nona, you shouldn't wait a year to break it off unless you think there's still hope. You haven't provided many details so correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm sure he's also looking to be with someone to settle down with. If you guys are both looking at the end goal of marriage, It'd be unfair to lead him on for another year knowing he's not the one. If you break it off now you guys can both have an extra year to find a significant other who would be good to settle down with.

No. 248169

Seems like a waste of time if you already know you're going to break up, especially if you already know what you want in a marriage partner. I'd say use the time more wisely and put it towards finding a suitable partner.

No. 248173

Agreed with >>248169 you're wasting your own time by staying with him a year just to put off the annoyance of a breakup. Put on your big girl pants and rip off the band-aid so you can work toward your goal of getting married.

No. 248187

hi nonnas, ive been dating a guy for over a year now, we have moved in together and he does pretty much all of the cleaning and washing up etc, helps me out when im in financial trouble with no expectation of repayment, all round good guy, but he has an ex that told me at the start of our relationship that he's very abusive and has assaulted her in the past, usually i believe women when they say this as it has happened with my previous boyfriend's ex's but I don't believe her because his family have always said she faked things for attention like schizophrenia and was an attention seeker. i just really need to get this off my chest, should I believe her even though he has done absolutely nothing wrong to me? i heard a lot of stories like this where girls dont listen and the same thing happens to them..

No. 248189

Hmm if at the moment there are zero warning signs it would be justified to not overthink it but I'd keep it in the back of my mind in case anything questionable ever happens.

No. 248190

thanks for the advice, i just needed to talk to someone about it, its kind of always in the back of my mind already but nothing bad so far

No. 248191

Hardly a reason to lie for attention if she contacted you privately to tell you this, so you can't really pin it on her past attention whoring or pathological lying, there's just not enough in it for her. The only other possible scenario I can think of in which she would want lie to you about that would be that she wants to get back at her ex for something, which means things were not peachy during their relationship. Hardly a surprise if the whole family talks shit on her, but it doesn't necessarily mean she was the only one at fault, of course they will side with your bf even if he did admit wrongdoing to them. Or she wasn't lying about being a schizo which makes the validity of the statement a total toss-up. If there have been no other attempts by her to mess up your relationship or she hasn't made any attempts at harassing him besides that, I personally would trust her and even if you really think he's not capable of it then still proceed with extreme caution. She has nothing to gain from warning you.

No. 248192

my boyfriend's family wouldn't blindly defend him from what i've seen of them imo, she has gotten others to message me saying the same thing and had a period of harassing me about it for a while so it wasn't a one-time thing, i wasn't clear about that. He has been very honest with me about his own wrong-doings in the relationship but has always completed denied being an abuser. We started off as good friends for about a month or so until she suddenly stopped replying and told me we would be better of not speaking to eachother, not too long after this she came out with allegations of him abusing her, I also messaged her first so she had plenty of time to talk to me about it.

No. 248194

She also asked to meet us both (me and my boyfriend) for drinks to catch up before she stopped speaking to me, which also makes me think this didn't happen.

No. 248196

Ayrt. Context helps a lot, these kind of details matter to get good advice. If she accuses her ex of being very abusive and assaulting her, and then wants to meet up for drinks with him there, it's pretty clear she does not fear him. Add that to her getting others to harass you and it's evident to me that her claims are exaggerated if not completely fictional. It makes more sense now, you probably got harassment from her and her friends because they are the ones she's seeking attention from, getting her friends to pity her and cape for her is definitely the kind of attention an attention seeker thrives off of.

No. 248197

Thank you, it really helps getting this out as I have a past with men like this, I just didn't want my boyfriend to be another to toss on the pile as he is lovely and has been raised by an all-female household, you don't find men like that very often lol. I'll definitely keep tabs on him for a while but I think I can relax a little more around him now.

No. 248207

I'm a uni student, and have a flexible schedule that lets me sleep in until 10-11am most days. I also have had insomnia for forever. BF has been stressed about his horrible job among other frustrations lately, and when I talked to him about how we should talk about it and figure out he could help, he said that 1. it made him angry that I was prying and telling him that he seemed stressed, and 2. he's fed up with my sleeping in when he gets up to work early each day. He also is the type to be very productive while in the morning, while if i'm up early, i take a few hours to 'awaken' and then am productive until later at night. I have no idea how to resolve this, because he says that I won't be a good mom someday if I sleep in (I plan to change my habits to be up with my future kids and make breakfast…_Any thoughts?

No. 248211

He sounds like a dick. Me and my boyfriend have a similar dynamic, I work mornings and he works afternoons/nights and there has never been a time I've belittled him for not being on my schedule or vice versa. Really seems like he's just jealous and wants to tear you down for not being as unhappy as he is.

No. 248214

Been in my current relationship for about a year and i did something drastic to my appearance that i think is starting to affect his attraction towards me. So i shaved my head because he was trying to be cute giving me a pixie cut but he failed so bad that i could not outgrow it without buzzing it. Hes seen me with short hair, bobbed hair, long hair and hes always given me the same energy for them all. But now i think he can't help but think i look unattractive. We used to have sex every day and lately its been maybe once a week. He has more free time and he chooses to spend it alone or with his friends. I kinda feel like im being ignored if thats rational to say? Hes not even as affectionate as he used to be with me and he doesnt compliment me at all. Now he started balding last year and i was very supportive of it and told him regardless of how his hair looks i still will show the same love. Is it a double standard to say he is not doing the same? After all hes the one who screwed up my hair! I feel so unseen its kinda making me doubt he genuinely loves me or simply found me hot and thats why he chose to primarily date me. Ive always discussed my concerns with him and he swears he feels the same but his actions say otherwise so i need other opinions.

No. 248215

Got into my first relationship with a sweet coworker. Everything was fine, and he never seemed interested in anything sexual until I let him touch my breasts after he apologized for grazing them while we made out. After that, he started pushing a bit more like rubbing my genitals over clothes and sometimes trying to go under before I stop him.
Last night, we were kissing like usual when he placed my hand on his crotch. I was into it and rubbing so he pulled it out. I was a little scared but was okay with it. But then he asked me to taste while pushing my head down. I said no, I was scared multiple times while he continued to lightly push me down and telling me that I was into the idea before. I finally gave in and licked before he said it was too sensitive and let me just jerk him off.
I told him later that he pushed too much and he felt terrible and apologized. I told him it's okay but to not do that again. I'm not sure how I feel about this. We've been together for two months and were both new at this so I don't know if I'm okay with writing it off or should be concerned. I feel a little gross, but im just also lost anons

No. 248217

Wtf nona. That's pretty disturbing if he was still into it after you were telling him no. People that care about you wouldn't be pushing you do sexual things you didn't want to. He's testing the waters of what you're willing to put up with rn, if you do not stand firm he will 100% try to badger you into taking things further & if you give in, even if you don't want to he will try to convince you you wanted it (he's already done this)
Stand strong nonna, do not devalue yourself and your wants for someone else.

No. 248250

He’s acting shitty. It’s fine and realistic to say you “prefer” your partner one way or another, but to lose attraction for them entirely just because of a haircut is shallow. Not only that, but he’s balding permanently while you’re just temporarily shaved because of his fuck up. If you want to see if the relationship improves again, you can have a come to Jesus talk and explain that you’ve been feeling neglected and less prioritized. If he steps it up again because he’s just been distracted or had to get used to the new look, that’s maybe forgivable. But people show you how much they value you by their effort (or lack of it) so if he continues to be flippant afterwards it’s time to move on.

I’ve sort of been there too, if not literally then in theory. One of my exes used to be really fixated on being slender and would compliment my figure. It was always specifically about how thin I was so I asked him at one point if I got fat for whatever reason would he still be into me and he said he’d still care about me but honestly, not as much. Ended up being one of a few reasons I broke up with him. Attraction on some level is important but I think people who only base it on a single feature are dumb. I have been in relationships with men who were decidedly not fit but there were other things about them which I genuinely found appealing. None of us are going to remain flawless when we’re in nursing homes so if his time and affection are solely dependent on something as meaningless as hair length then he’s not worth your time imo.

No. 248258

Are you both underaged and virgins? He's acting like a clueless virgin who doesn't care about your feelings. Have a talk with him when both of you are serious and establish boundaries. Pushing you down isn't going to work, this isn't porn.

No. 248274

> ..let me just jerk him off
You ought to stop the interaction as soon as you're feeling scared/pushed. Like end the whole session and don't just switch to a different activity. It's not good for your mental state in the long run to carry on. You're feeling scared and yet you still prioritize his pleasure in that moment.. it's messed up that this type of thing isn't even uncommon in inexperienced women. Stop putting his feelings above your own. This shit can be really damaging for you in the long run.
>I told him it's okay but to not do that again
See it's not okay, don't give conflicting messages where you're too forgiving but at the same time expecting him to change. If you forgive so readily then he won't respect that there's a boundary was even made. Be clear that he was going the absolute wrong way about initiating it and it was not okay. "Not okay, never do that again" Be stern about it. No woman ever looked back and regretted having strong sexual boundaries but plenty regret being too soft and polite about this.

No. 248281

Nta but my boyfriend grew a moustache that was so hideous I was considering breaking up with him, because he said he wanted to keep it forever. I know it's shallow but I really really hate facial hair, especially moustaches. They just looks so disgusting and silly. Took him from a 10 to a 4. So idk, if something really irks you then I'd see it as a valid reason to break up.

Thankfully he shaved lol.

No. 248315

Sure it's valid, but he's not doing that. Instead of just breaking up he's spending less time with her and stringing her along by lying. Looks are important for a lot of people in relationships, I get it, but as you say that doesn't change the fact if your affection is based on something so shallow then you never really loved them in the first place. Anon seems to want something deeper and was fine with a balding partner, while this guy apparently can't muster affection for her if she's temporarily shaved. They want different things from a relationship and if he's too lazy to pull the plug because it gets him laid now and then, she ought to.

No. 248336

My boyfriend doesn't seem to be able to do anything right. I feel abusive saying that, but he's like a full on retard. He doesn't know how to sweep. I showed him how over and over. He still doesn't really know how to do it and just flings the dirt everywhere.

Right now I am trying to transfer phone plans to a new phone. I've never done it so I asked him how he did it for his phone, since he's smashed like 5 phones and had to transfer plans multiple times since I've been with him. He's been fiddling with my phone for over an hour. He couldn't even get the back of my phone off. I kept asking him what is he doing? I can help. I told him you open it this way and I showed him. Five minutes later he tried to take it off the wrong way again. He can't even place the battery in correctly. It has arrows on it. It only fits one way. It's not rocket science. I'm pretty sure he damaged my SIM card bumbling around with it. I told him to give it to me, let me do it. He started yelling at me super loud and scary.

I think he's fucking stupid. I wish I had family around me so I could leave today. I hate him so much. I don't really need advice but I guess I'm wondering why someone would be so fucking dumb all of the time. Like learned helplessness. The internet exists. Teach yourself. People know how to do things and try to tell you; listen to them. Why the hell are people like this? I don't know if anyone here has had to deal with this level of manchild but if anyone has any tips please help. I need to make a call before the work day ends and he won't give me my damn phone he's just sitting there like a fucking moron.

No. 248340

You're not abusive for acknowledging the reality that this guy is a retard. He is abusive for constantly smashing phones and shrieking at you and holding your belongings hostage like the unhinged manchild he is though. Start looking at apartments, roomshares, whatever you can afford and just leave without alerting him beforehand.
>I'm wondering why someone would be so fucking dumb all of the time
Because scrote? Who cares nonny, please get away so you're safe as soon as you can

No. 248349

I had this same situation with my ex when we were 15. We dated for many years so as we got older I actually asked him about it, he said that basically animalistic instinct kicked in from being super inexperienced and he had no idea what to do and just really wanted sex.
Ideally he should have been focusing on pleasuring you first and being courteous by pleasuring you, but this guy sounds super inexperienced with sex which can result in situations like this. The fact that he apologised and now that you've voiced your concern is good, however if it happens again, it's probably more than just inexperience and you just have mismatched sex drives and he has no idea how to manage it. If you genuinely believe he's a cool guy and you enjoy time with him, now that you have in the back of your head that he's somewhat virginal, guide him next time and tell him what to do first before he gets too horny and starts doing instinct shit.
Good luck anon.

No. 248350

Seems like he only values appearance in this relationship and the fact that you broke the illusion of your ''beauty'' in his mind, he doesn't find you that attractive. Why is your relationship only measured by sex? Do you have no other redeeming qualities to the relationship?

No. 248389

That's weaponized incompetence, he is doing it on purpose so you won't ask him to do any chores again, get out asap please.

No. 248395

im sorry I laughed so hard but like what even is this person??

No. 248397

that's not a person, that's a tree trunk.

No. 248419

File: 1646797710600.jpg (208.22 KB, 1100x773, __regina_george_mean_girls_dra…)

okay so, I need to know if I should stay with my current boyfriend or not.
We've been together for almost four years and tbh he is great; wants to get married, has a very nice looking dick with great size and girth , has a stable job so he literally pays for everything like rent, food, etc. but he doesn't appreciate me being a "meangirl" in general. Like I am extremely opinionated, very heavy on gatekeeping fatties, weebs, queers, degens, like minorities in general. And his worry is that this "hate" I have will extend into other things in our lives like if I was suddenly going to become racist or something, which personally I don't care as long as you don't attack the person you hate you can have that hate, that's my philosophy. So it just doesn't sit well with him and it kinda bums me out, I should be able to have any preference and likes, I'm very anti "accepting everything and everyone" because that shit leads into the tranny/degenerate problem we currently have in the world.
So I'm very torn, should I leave to hate in peace or stay because he is genuinely good and takes care of me?

No. 248426

Damn, my bf and I are completely on the same wavelength about this type of 'society degeneration'. It's a shame that your boyfriend doesn't agree with you in terms of culture and the world around you, I think it will create a lot of tension in your relationship in the long run, especially when you both meet people who DO flow in your wavelength and you'll feel the vast difference of being able to discuss these things versus cannot discuss these things.

No. 248428

>especially when you both meet people who DO flow in your wavelength and you'll feel the vast difference of being able to discuss these things versus cannot discuss these things.
That's legit my fear, I don't wanna strain the relationship with BS but at the same time we kinda need to be on the same wavelength about certain topics.

No. 248431

>certain topics
I mean to be honest it sounds a lot like your actual world view versus his. Which is a huge thing.
Sleep on it for a little while and imagine your conversations in the future, do you see yourself in a constant state of frustration and selective mutism? If your forever partner is not your best friend then I don't really see how it could work, and convenience is never a sure enough reason to cling onto people.

No. 248436

File: 1646800162413.jpeg (36.84 KB, 640x479, 64CFA7FB-8095-49A1-9C3A-B986FC…)

Are you really tossing up between staying with your boyfriend who loves and takes care of you and being alone and a total bitch? Did your emotional development stop in high school?
If you would rather throw away four years of your life and a relationship you’re happy in than undergo a slight attitude adjustment, be my guest. From the sounds of it you’re an outwardly negative person and he’s probably getting tired of listening to your mean girl act anyway.

No. 248437

I'll give you that, I'm a total bitch. But I'll take >>248431 anon's advice and sleep on it. I legit didn't think I'd get good advice but thanks for proving me wrong anons muawh.

No. 248438

>calling anon a total bitch and telling her to shutup

so your advice is to gaslight herself and not be able to be open with her boyfriend?
If you can't even discuss your opinions openly with your bf then what's even the fucking point? Shutting yourself up so you 'look better' and make this soyboy less 'uncomfortable'? Fuck that shit, go out and find someone who actually cares about what you think and say.

No. 248441

To give some perspective from the other side, you sound a lot like one of my exes and while this wasn't his biggest fault, it was a major factor in why we broke up. I don't have an issue with strong opinions, but to me it's exhausting to be around haters. Would I wipe troons off the face of the planet if I could? Sure. But I see no point in discussing the finer details of why I dislike them with my partner every other day. It achieves nothing and I could be focusing on things I actually want to foster instead. It's not fun to be around a festering ball of hatred unless you yourself are also a festering ball of hatred, and even then I think people like that are mostly kidding themselves. It is possible to hold firm beliefs without wasting so much energy on the very people you supposedly want nothing to do with. What if you had a kid and they became a fat anime-loving tranny? Would you immediately kick them out or would you try to understand what happened in an attempt to help them? When you're with someone like you, it's hard to determine when you're just venting or if you'd actually abandon a loved one if they dared hold a different opinion or gained some weight. No one wants to feel like their partner would ditch them over arbitrary bullshit.

Obviously I don't know you personally, I don't know how often you rant to your partner, how extreme they are, but if he's bringing it up clearly it's wearing on him. Positive people are hard to find anon and if it's bothering you to be with one by all means move on and find some depressive scrote who'll just complain with you all day. Sounds miserable to me though.

No. 248442

you're assuming she's
>a festering ball of hatred
when all she said in OP was that her opinions are different than her bf's. She could be quiet as fuck but if she does wish to talk about some creepy shit she saw online her soft society bf is just going to grimace at her. THATS the problem. Shes found herself someone who doesn't match her views.

No. 248445

>What if you had a kid and they became a fat anime-loving tranny?
oh shit girl I would kick them out, that got me in SHOCK.

No. 248446

She is literally a self-admitted "meangirl" and "bitch." And you're assuming her boyfriend is some soft society moron instead of a semi-decent human being who just doesn't want to listen to her groan all the time. We don't know if their views don't match, to me it seems like the problem is in her delivery and frequency rather than the content. If she's incapable of taking the views of someone else into consideration when she's talking, she probably shouldn't be in a relationship in general much less with someone who isn't as judgmental.

No. 248447

>She is literally a self-admitted "meangirl" and "bitch."
Every chick on lolcow is a meangirl and a bitch are you for real lmfao

No. 248461

Wimmin bad man good!!

No. 248487

>being alone
That's not the end of the world lmao, there's a fuckton of men on this planet, I'm pretty sure she can find a caring guy who shares a lot of opinions with her.

No. 248493

Also agree that you should be with someone who is on the same wavelength as you here. You do sound a little insufferable about this, like being a "meangirl" is central to your identity… maybe it's not the fact that you have these takes, but the lengths you go to ensure that others know you have them? Either way, you deserve to be with someone who "agrees with" the person you are, if that makes sense. If you think it's truly irreconcilable (e.g. you don't think you should tone it down, he isn't just scared of the possible consequences and truly disagrees with you on the subject), leaving is probably the thing to do.

No. 248495

I'm already tired out and feeling indifferent to my relationship and it hasn't even been a full year yet. The worst of it is that it didn't always feel like this, he's just become so insufferable lately. I used to look forward to seeing and talking to my bf but now I just feel like I have to be on guard and walk on eggshells, because if I don't I get to hear all the criticisms he has for me on that given day. Or he gets irrationally angry about some minor inconvenience and expects me to just see that as normal. And when he's not being a total asshole to me he's not exactly loving either. I haven't felt like a companion to him in a long time. I just feel like an acquaintance that happens to live there. We barely even have sex, both of us are very busy but he's also never interested anymore, and I'm certainly not interested after his behavior.
I've tried to talk to him about it, about how things aren't as they should be and he just doesn't get it. Things like "what are you even talking about?" and accusing me of being selfish or wanting perfection. Really defensive.
Deep inside I know it's probably best if I just break it off and leave now, but part of me still wants to fight for it and make him see that he's killing our relationship. It's so upsetting to me because for a long time it felt like I found my "one" and then all of this happens without even an attempt to stop it. I just want to break through his defensive attitude and show him that he's being toxic, if not for my sake then at least for his or anyone else he dates should we break up.

Am I crazy for wanting to save this?

No. 248510

>he does pretty much all of the cleaning and washing up etc
fat women bragging about this shit because they're too lazy to get off their asses and do normal human chores is just cringe… and not a feminist statement lol.

No. 248524

I'd keep an open mind. I've been on the other side. I have an ex who assaulted me twice in a 2 1/2 year period of living together. He left me for another woman and my dilemma was then whether to warn the new gf seeing as he was moving straight in with her and her kids. I asked on here and people said not to risk it because new gfs tend to shoot the messenger "don't worry babe she's mental, she's a pathological liar" I knew I'd be reduced to a bitter ex or some flavor of mentally ill if I put my neck on the line so I left it. There's always that risk that your character will be lied about or anything you've done in your past used against you, that the guy might just make up shit to people and they'll buy it. I think given all the cons of putting yourself out there and warning someone I would at least keep that info stored away with a 'maybe' hanging over it. He might be telling the truth or he might be doing that textbook thing of finding ways to label her mental and dishonest. It's hard to know the difference, especially when you also have a bias on your hands from liking the guy and not having any great attachment to her.

And tbh my ex who assaulted me helped me move place months after we broke up. No part of me expected him to assault me once we were already exes so I feel like meeting you both in a public space isn't a sign she never had to fear him or was never hit. Men who assault their romantic partners during heated rows often wont assault you once you're no longer seen as as theirs anymore. She's out of the danger zone already. It's more extreme cases of DV that leave women living in fear long afterwards. That's not across the board.

Only time will tell you whether she was being honest or not, which is frusrating but better than jumping the gun.

No. 248547

Yep the bitch act isn’t cute..

No. 248553

If she was fat and unattractive she wouldn't have a man willingly do all chores for her because men don't try in relationships if their partner is unattractive.

No. 248558

Regardless of an attitude problem that some might argue you have.. underneath that you're two people with views that are likely to clash more seriously with age or when you start thinking about commitment. If your bf worries that your views are hateful he's more likely to be the one to walk out over them.

I've essentially overlooked views that I thought were hateful in an ex.. in the back of my mind I kinda knew we had an expiration date so I let it go. If I saw a real future togther I would've cared more.. but then those views were a large part of why I saw no future lol. Certain views need to line up if you're serious about each other.

No. 248560

>Don’t leave your real “the one” sitting on a bench all alone like Keanu Reeves, so you can wrestle a pig out of its swill.
Nta but love you for this metaphor

No. 248572

You spend way too much time on this website worrying about “fatties” and “weebs” if they’re creeping into your IRL arguments with your bf. go live ur life and stop being an autist.

No. 248577

I've met men who simp for fat girls, you'd be surprised
>inb4 it's their fetish
that's the point, lots of men will simp for ugly and fat uggos because they can't lay off the porn

No. 248582

this is completely and unequivocally false lol
you've never met a man in your life

No. 248591

Some men have a fetish for fatties but they're never ugly either.
So a man stands his gfs annoying complaining, negativity, acts like a servant to her and does everything she wants but you think that's because she's lazy and ugly?

No. 248595

>incel compulsion to picture every woman as his girlfriend
>relationship dynamic he finds emasculating
>oof can’t handle it, must be the work of feminism
>gotta shut this mental imagery down, time to cope!
>guuh! You‘re fat!
Literally no other reason for this derailment.

No. 248597

“Pick me, I clean! Pick me, I’m not fat! Pick me, I’m not like those other bitches please just pick me pick me PICK MEEE”

No. 248601

This sounds like my exact situation right now. Like you, I also wanted to have hope that with enough communication, he'd see why things are getting fucked up between us, but truthfully, now I think it's hopeless and don't see things getting any better, so I plan on breaking up with him too. If they don't care enough to put any effort into fixing things, why should we be taking the brunt of that and stay in such a draining relationship?

Also, I'm not sure if any of this would be true in your case, but it's gotten progressively worse with my bf's behavior. First it was constant arguments over obscenely trivial things, then straight up insults and criticism, and now it's definitely crossed into emotional abuse and manipulation with things like sex (for example, I also don't want sex much anymore due to how he treats me, so now he'll say things like he'll only "consider" ending an argument if I suck his dick moments after he just insulted me and called me worthless and annoying). I hope it doesn't get abusive for you, but regardless, breaking up sooner than later is best since there's a large chance things will only continue going downhill if he sees no issue with himself.

No. 248618

No. 248661

File: 1646878888669.jpg (90.02 KB, 1024x1024, 1646276120505.jpg)

I've been with my boyfriend for almost 5 years now. Things have been really hard since we're long distance (different countries) and were planning on getting married and looking to move in together this year. We visit each other plenty of times and have never really had any deep issues irl that I've noticed. We've probably spent about a 4-5 months together irl to be fair though. I know the long distance thing is retarded but I'm so invested and genuinely love him that I was willing to make it work out. It has worked out fine until recently.

He's been rather non communicative and affectionate since last year or so. It's gotten so bad recently that
>he refuses to hang out with me for more than an hour on the days we can hang out (only the weekends)
>postponed valentines plans only to ditch me after hanging out for an hour
>disengaged in daily conversations, wont even message me if i dont message him first
>refuses to take interest in things i enjoy
>doesn't seek out or rejects intimacy from me

I don't think he's cheating on me he's too autistic.

I confronted him about it. It just leads to endless cycles of arguments where he says he's too tired to talk about it or I pick the wrong times to talk about it. I've deeply expressed how unwanted and how I don't feel like he's putting any effort in our relationship. I've tried leaving him but I can't keep him blocked and I beg him to block me but he refuses to and then tells me I am not trying to talk it out.

At this point I have no idea what's going on, he tells me I'm the only person he wants… yet he refuses to tell me he wants me to come over next month (which I already have a booked plane ticket too…) or tell me he loves me. He says he's unsure of what to do since I was expecting him to propose next month and he's uncertain now because of how unstable we've been together.

I tried to call him today to talk about things but he said no and that he was going to get dinner with someone which hurt me.

I don't think I could continue being with him if he didn't propose next month though. Our plans were to get engaged next month and then try living together for a year before marriage. We don't fight like this IRL and it's a lot easier to express love when you're together than online. This long distance shit is retarded. I wish I could just move on but I love him a lot and I don't know what to make of anything. I don't want to live a life not knowing what could have been, yet it feels like he doesn't care. I don't know how this looks outside my perspective so I wanted to see what others think.

No. 248669

Honestly anon? It sounds horrible. I don't know how you've dealt with that for an entire year and I'm sorry to hear about it. I don't really have great advice other than to give my perspective like you asked - It looks like he's given up on the relationship. Regardless of if he's cheating or not, he's treating you extremely poor and coldly. No one who loves their partner will put them through that (no communication, not saying "I love you," ditching you on important days, etc.)

I understand you don't want to live with what ifs, but I'm worried for how he'd treat you IRL after spending more time together. If he's capable of this over text, he will be able to in person as well. As much as you love him, is that really something you want to put up with?

No. 248677

You say that the relationship is better in person, and that he is autistic and can't/refuses to communicate well when he isn't in person.
The picture you paint here makes it seem like he has lost interest in the relationship, but hasn't built up or doesn't have the courage to end things.
Its a 5 year relationship and this is just a message board, but from what you're saying, it sounds like your needs aren't being met after you excplicitly tried to draw attention to them. Either put your foot down harder or think about moving on.

No. 248678

Yeah, seconding this. I don't think you need to kick him to the curb anon, but keep this in mind. I was in your shoes once, and the thing is, my ex's ~crazy ex~ who claimed he cheated and lied to her really did turn out to be a shitty person who did some actual "crazy ex gf" things. We were all friends for a while, and I learned firsthand that she was a cold, manipulative, attention-hungry person, even outside of relationships. And she really did do the big crazy thing he and his parents told me she did (sent a letter to his parents after they broke up detailing the shitty things he did in a very inappropriate way, calculated for maximum cruelty/embarassment). She was narc-ish, desperate, and irritating, and he was loving, sweet, and wonderful. But he really did cheat and lie the way she said he did. And after a few years, he did the same thing to me. Sometimes, the ex can be a shit person and also be telling the truth.

No. 248679

Maybe it was omitted in the description of the relationship, but if he is the primary earner as well as the main homemaker, what do you do bring to the relationship? Not implying you don't bring anything, just curious.

No. 248680

Kind of a question for other anons i guess (?) But am i dumb or does 5 years of online dating with 5 months irl sound like too little time for marriage? For me it sounds like not enough time irl but maybe it's a lot

No. 248681

If you feel like its not long enough, its not. How does a relationship exist online for 5 years?

No. 248685

I have a friend who has becoming insufferable lately. She is always bringing up topics that I have talked about with her in private in casual convo when were with others. One of our recent friends asked me how long asked how long I've been studying for my masters and its been an on going process but it was about 2 year total time. Then my friends felt the need to say "really?" With an eyebrow raised which made things awkward and I had to clarify its been an on and off venture of mine. Also she is very critical of me and how I handle my relationships. I broke up with a gf of mine and I had leaned in her shoulder to cry for support because she allowed it. She knew that it was a rough spot for me even after 3 month so she brought it up in casual convo few times and when I asked her not to bring up my exgf anymore she basically told me that i should be able to handle it since its been so long ago in her view. When she speaks she has no filter and like to pretend other people are dirty minded when usually she is the one to bring up such topics. And to top it all off she is a hypocrite when it comes to giving advice. She refuses to keep her self out of others business aswell once you bring her in she sinks her claws.

No. 248697

Nta but she never said he was the primary earner, just that he is kind and helps her out during financial struggles, like friends and family usually do. Also, just in general, earning more money doesn’t always mean working more hours or having a more strenuous job, so it isn’t obligatory that one person cleans more if the other makes more. Finally, it’s a bit sad to see “bringing something to the relationship” as household management and not the enjoyment of interpersonal bonds, a little transactional?

No. 248698

File: 1646903748635.png (64.32 KB, 279x214, 4k2jr2.png)

I'm devastated, yesterday I found a letter that my sister wrote about me, it was a "roast" written in a "lolcow" style, at first it made me laugh but the more I read the more really hurtful things she said about me, it got worse and worse, I ended up breaking down and crying, I never thought that someone so close, who knows me so well, would say those things, it was horrible. I tried to justify it, but I don't know why anyone would write all that about their own sister in the first place, joking or not, and considering the very personal things she said, I don't think it was a joke.

When I went to confront her about it, she just started gaslighting me ("it's just words", "it's no big deal", "you're overreacting") apparently all this originated from some changes I made to a personal fanfic, I don't know how a fanfic caused so much anger from her, to a point to write such a letter.

I tried to sleep but I only had nightmares, I'm quite stressed but mostly depressed. I don't think she understands the damage she has done to me, she humiliated me.

What should I do nonnas? did my sister really have bad intentions? should i keep talking to her? I don't want to even get close to her, it scares me what she might be thinking of me

No. 248702

I’m so sorry nona. It’s a daunting shock to see someone so close have a weird view or opinion of you, like she of all people should understand/know you better right? I think if you can’t be around her for now, don’t force yourself to. She might be embarrassed and so isn’t engaging with it seriously enough to see how it affected you. It could also just indeed be a lack of respect to foster a boundary for that kind of judgment. Since she’s your sister, I do recommend trying again, maybe in a letter so you don’t have to confront her about it? Detail what each statement meant to you and how it made you feel, how you view yourself, explain your fanfiction changes too if it’s relevant, maybe she’s blowing things out of proportion?

Like I said, as your sister I think it’s best to be as honest as possible from to top to bottom so that you can also get her honest response. Then with that, you can see where your relationship is now. It’ll probably soften the blow of betrayal and she may apologise. Sorry my response is so vague, I don’t know exactly what happened, you don’t have to elaborate if you don’t want to but it might help

No. 248703

It sounds like he doesn't love or care about you.

No. 248705

Dunno but you sound very negative and annoying to be around, if he's a kinder person then I wouldn't be surprised that this bothers him.

No. 248707

Re-reading it, I want to say that whether she intended it to be or not, it being so hurtful is 100% worth acknowledging, especially since it seems she shared this with someone else. It looks like an excessively childish wrongdoing on her part, your reaction is understandable. At the same time, it’s worrisome that you can’t sleep. No matter what anon, feeling humiliated is just a feeling, nothing’s going to happen to you and I know she didn’t intend for you to feel this way. It will all definitely blow over, but until then, remember you are your own person regardless of anyone’s opinion and you deserve to go and do something fun to get your head back in the right space

No. 248709

File: 1646906809652.jpeg (282.69 KB, 967x742, 7FB3450A-E4B9-4203-889C-38B06A…)

I've always struggled with being possessive and jealous and I'm not sure what to do about it. Rationally, I know that I'm wrong to feel these things, but it's not like I can immediately change my feelings.
My boyfriend used to have a crush on this girl that is a family friend, he asked her to be his gf years ago and she rejected him. However, because she's a family friend, occasionally she'll still come over to his house along with her family to hang out with his family.
I'm so jealous of her, even though I know it's stupid, even though I know she's done nothing wrong, even though she has her own bf, I really wish she wouldn't come over to his house or be near him at all. I don't think he'll cheat on me or that he wishes I was her, but the fact that he had a crush on her at some point in time just makes me never want her near him. I know I'm being irrational and insecure. I'm not sure how to stop or overcome this. I don't even know why it bothers me because I know it's stupid, but it just does and I wish I could stop. I stupidly hate that he's ever had feelings for anyone before meeting me. Again, I know that's irrational, and of course I've had feelings for people before meeting him. How I feel is stupid, but how do I stop feeling these stupid things? I don't know.

I wonder if a thread about how to deal with irrational feelings of jealousy/possessiveness would be a good idea to make here, because I'm struggling nonnas. I hate how possessive I am, and I think what would help me the most would be to talk to other women who struggle with being possessive and how they overcame these irrational feelings. He's a human being, he's had a life before me and naturally has had feelings for people before me. Despite knowing this and knowing that my feelings are stupid, it still hurts. I guess what hurts is that I know she'll probably always be around.

No. 248717

It's going to sound like not a lot but hear me out - midfulness and meditation. You can train yourself into focusing on the present and use it as a tool to ground yourself and remind your mind of your current safe situation every time you remember or encounter something like what you describe here - an upsetting thought of a person from the past that should have no influence on your current wellbeing. It's not going to be just a "flip a switch" situation but the more you practice the better you'll be at it and in a few months you should really see the results.

No. 248719

wrote a suicide note to my boyfriend today anyone care to critique it? lol

No. 248720

I'm sure your family will have great time critiquing it at the funeral.

No. 248721


>she thinks my family can afford a funeral

No. 248737

No. 248744

Are you trying to get back at him? Then do something to fuck him over instead of this.

No. 248747

kek no its just that im unhappy and will never ever be happy and i do not have anyone else i do not have my mom or dad or virtually anybody so once we breakup i will have nowhere to go anyway

No. 248749

Post it, I am curious. Not encouraging your suicide, but you have the right to do whatever you want with your life. Personally I hope that you consider all available options before making any drastic decision (and then sit on it for some time), but I hate comments like >>248720

No. 248751

I wish I was there for you anon. I feel the same way but also don't really have the energy to do it so I barely hang onto life. You should post it and consider your choices before you commit to it. Reading about the rates of failure and the states kf those who failed may change your mind but you should be aware that you'll more likely be left scarred for life rather than die.

No. 248753

here u go tear me apart

I guess first of all if you ever get to read this, it is very cliche but it really isn’t your issue to deal with. I’ve struggled on and off with being in this state for awhile now, although I must say this is the worst it has truly ever been.

I just wanted to mention that there really isn’t anything wrong with what you want (but you know that of course). It’s just incompatibility with life directions I guess, and understandably I was a bit angry for it. I know that you mentioned that you’ll never get an opportunity like this again so I understand the need to work on it. You mentioned that you wanted a partner that told you they’re proud of you, and I’m sorry I never did it. You are so seemingly naturally confident, articulate, and good at everything you decide to pour your time into that I don’t know - for some reason I thought that you never needed it because of course you’re doing a good job. You’re you!

Overall, I guess I just wish I could have done everything right. I’ve became notoriously very hard to manage as a girlfriend and probably as an employee as my life gets more difficult. Despite this, I tried to do your laundry everyday, make breakfast for you everyday, and wake you up for meetings even if I didn’t feel like it, all in the hopes that maybe you’d take some time out of your day and spend it with me. Probably unhealthy, but I just needed someone there and you are the only person I had. It made me wonder if there was something so bad about my company that I honestly stopped connecting with everyone else.

When you started hanging out with Scott, I honestly had became very jealous. It really did seem like you’d rather be around him than I, and I totally get that. Scott is a gem of a person and incredibly fun to be around.

But it’s difficult you know? I always compared the beginning and the ends of things. The beginning of our relationship was so wonderful and it honestly was hands down the best time of my life. It was the first time I didn’t want to go back to anything or a specific period of my life. I wasn’t nostalgic for anything at all, and I genuinely enjoyed moving forward. Even if our day was mundane it was still such a good day. But it all came crashing down when both of my parents got sick at the same time. Something about sitting in the same room for 4 months watching your mom go through chemotherapy and having to take care of your parents financially at 23 really fucks you up. It really just shows that there are too many obstacles in the way of me being happy somehow.

But then as we go forward and you start your company, you became busier and busier I start to notice the decline in time spent together, or the eagerness to have a morning coffee with me, or the way we don’t spend the morning cuddling like we used to, and I’m never pulled into your arms in the middle of the night anymore. These things dwindled when I needed them the most. I had just watched my dad go in and out of the hospital, my mom get a stage 4 diagnosis, and then to top it all off my mom had told me she never wanted to see me again.

But why does that happen? It’s always my worst fear, slowly watching affection die over time, and watching the way someone looks at you change. It’s honestly devastating. In the beginning of the relationship I always wondered what would change from now, and how it would affect me. Did you just get used to me? Were you tired of the things happening in my life? Are you more entertained by other people? Have I stopped becoming interesting? Was I not good enough to spend time with anymore?

I tried really hard to be a good girlfriend, I gave it everything I had. I even had a savings account planned in the beginning to help you take your ex to court so you could see your kids again. I tried smiling and acting happy even when I wasn’t to make you feel better to see if you’d spend more time with me. 

And to be fair, I guess the ways in which I tried to bring it up weren’t that great, and I’ve never been good at articulating myself or what I want to be the solution to the issue. I guess I was so depressed I didn’t have the energy to expend to do everything correct, or when I tried to make plans for us to do something I guess sometimes I’d pick a restaurant that was too loud and I’d notice you weren’t having a good time and I’d feel so embarrassed because I just wanted us to have a good time like we used to! I’d then start to think things like, he’d be more livelier if Scott were here - which is true! You’d have probably ended up staying out all night like you do when you’re with him.

I really just needed someone to hang out with me whether I was depressed in bed all day or just not having a good time. I know that is a lot of pressure on you because I no longer have a lot of people around, and you have quite a bit of stuff to do and I think I require more attention than the average person. It just sucks because I know that I’ll never be happy like that again or I’ll never have anything like that that lasts anyway.

I’m sorry that our last moments together were probably the worst you’ve seen me. I’ve been laying in bed a lot, not really eating, or not engaging but even the medication I take doesn’t fix this. My intention wasn’t to make you unhappy, I really just don’t know how to hold myself together anymore, and I’m sure you have no idea what to do either. I guess we are just two burnt out people after all. But at the very least, you don’t have to deal with me anymore or worry about me now. I’m really grateful anyway for some of the happiest moments of my life.

No. 248756

Just talking about my thoughts and experiences, again I have no intention or place to influence anyone one way or another
>Reading about the rates of failure and the states kf those who failed may change your mind but you should be aware that you'll more likely be left scarred for life rather than die.
NTA but I have a trustworthy suicide kit of sorts ATM, very deadly. If it works, there will be no way of backing out and almost no suffering. Only problem is that pills that are part of it will expire by September and it will be difficult to obtain them (I was "lucky"). I do not plan to kill myself in the near days, but it's both comforting and horrifying to know what I have stashed

I feel like mentioning that people would not fail and certainly wouldn't suffer if they had access to a specific method, which society gatekeeps. Fine, but the whole "suicide always painful as hell!!!" warning is a consciously perpetuated bullshit.

No. 248760

I understand and wish you well no matter your choice. Most people who commit suicide don't really think and do stupid things like jumping off buildings, overdosing on basic medicine which will only get you hospitalized, etc. I don't wish for a suicide method to be available but rather for euthanasia to be a legal choice for anyone.

No. 248762

You asked for critique so let me just say this reads as if you're killing yourself because you don't like sharing attention with anyone or anything. Maybe that is the reason you're doing it but it paints you in a really whiny and narcissistic light, not sure if that's how you'd like to be remembered. Perhaps focus less on just listing all the things that make you sad and more on a message you'd like to leave behind after you're gone.

No. 248763

Ah, I see. There was at least 1 or 2 assumptions in there that led me to ask.

No. 248764

It's not even that it's just that I don't really get the proper support I need, but that's a fair critique.

No. 248768

>what do you do bring to the relationship?
She picked him. Any man is lucky to be in a relationship with a woman (as long as she doesn't do extreme shit like cheating or hurting him). Laughing at the idiots who think men don't benefit greatly just by having a girlfriend who will talk to him, spend time with him, and give him affection.

No. 248771

>Any man is lucky to be in a relationship with a woman
Often true, but obviously not ALL women are desirable partners, even barring what you listed.

No. 248782