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No. 338129
>>338121are you the Notebook anon with the super sweet good guy, but he isn't handsome?
if so, I'm kinda in a similar boat, except he's poly and I'm noncommittal (tbh might be a cheater if it was a closed relationship…)
so I figure i can just get a second bf who is actually handsome lmao…
I guess this isn't much help
No. 338135
>>338132He hasn't asked but we had a conversation similar to the topic and I was curious what other nonas felt
He hasn't used the word bodycount either
I just didn't know how else to word it
No. 338263
>>338131I never actually told my husband I had an uncomfortable blowjob with my second boyfriend but I did tell him about losing my virginity since it was a 3 year long relationship after all. If he asked me about the former I'd go into detail but he never pried because he doesn't really care, it was long before we met anyway.
I think it's good to talk about that stuff because you can find out a lot from such convos, for example I wouldn't want to be with someone that's too jealous to hear about stuff like that at all, nor would I be with someone that's too demanding. I wouldn't want to be with someone that has a huge "bodycount" either because it usually comes with specific type of baggage and so on.
No. 338561
This is just something stupid that I wanna get off my chest. It might be painfully obvious, so I’m sorry if I’m beating a dead horse.
As a terminally online autistic woman, (albeit able to pass as NT pretty well,) normie men are on average a much better bet than any man who spends time in ‘online’ spaces. I think this is a standard opinion on LC, no? However, between past relationship advice threads and the Nigel brag thread, it seems that a lot of nonas have met their bfs in these ‘online’ spaces, or are aware of their behavior in them. I’m truly happy for everyone it’s working out for — I love reading brag posts! But I want to remind every woman in this space that you have a way better chance of dating a normie than an ND/online man would, and most of them would kill for the opportunity.
Sorry if I sound like a normie shill or something. I had my first date with someone who was a lil too similar to me in understanding ‘online’ humor and happenings, and while it seemed refreshing to have a common understanding of it at first, it just became so apparent to me that most men who spend too much time in these spaces adopt parts of the sick ideologies that go around in them.
No. 338569
I want to be more understanding of my boyfriend's autism. We've been dating for over a year and it's been a struggle being disappointed and frustrated in his words that have no actions. He gets excited about one thing for a few days and then it's basically dropped, there's no follow through. My boyfriend says he knows he has a tendency to drop something once he expresses it out loud and doesn't bother to tell me his update because he forgets he made the choice until I ask what happened about this thing he was excited about. He knows he's not glad of his own unactions and he struggles changing the way he is, because it's been this way for way longer than we've been together. I want to know how I can help him view things from a different perspective, or at least put the flame under his ass before it's literally under his ass, especially for things like his paychecks from a part time job that keep stressing me out because we both pay the same amount of rent each month, but his paycheck amounts aren't consistent and he says "I'll pay half now and then half next week" which he does, but right now he's still half a paycheck behind. He knows he can't make many promises because of this flaw and he also gets frustrated when I used his words against him, letting him know that I keep track of what he says and doesn't follow through on. To me, it makes him seen unreliable, irresponsible, and lazy. I want to know how I can make plans to do things that make me happy and we follow through without his fight of "I'm gonna go and I'm not going to like it or have fun" and other excuses. Like, this year I've been begging him to go swimming with me for over a month now because last year he said he was excited to go swimming with me, but within that year, he became embarrassed with his body after gaining 30 lbs. I don't wanna give up, I really want us to go swimming together. I try to give him the perspective of "we go swimming so we can workout and lose weight" and "you can wear a shirt" but he still doesn't want to do it. I really don't want us to break up, because finding another person with similar interests as me and same life goals and values has been extremely difficult to come by. I also believe my age is making it difficult to find anyone else, because another guy my age with some similarities is single for worse reasons or already married. I asked my boyfriend how we can compromise, and he says doesn't know at the moment. I've talked to him for hours in the middle of the night trying to pry into how his though processes work and I'm glad he is open to communicating without getting upset at me for asking so much, but it's the actions that really take a blow. I'll wake up some days, crying, with my thoughts already flooding with "he's not gonna do that even though he says he would" and I think about how he gets upset at me for lying to him, especially for being upset at him for not doing things he said he was going to do. He once said I lied to him because I said I didn't want him to get another job, but I want him to have a stable job, which in his mind meant to quit his job and get another one, but all I could think of is the fact he could get a side job to do gigs here and there to make up the time when there's weeks his job doesn't require him to come in 5 days a week. I cry a lot in this relationship because things aren't being done right away, maybe they're impossible to get done as fast as I would like, maybe I have too high of expectations for him, but I want things to be okay for my future.
Before him, I was in a 8 year relationship with a man who I had no future goals with, I was too caught up in mental health issues to even develop goals for my own besides not feel like shit living with my trauma. At some point my ex said "I think it's bout time we get engaged soon, right?" Shortly after that, I realized I wanted to be a mother and I knew I wanted to homeschool them and raise them a specific way because I knew how terrible my parents raised me. I was obsessed with trying to become a foster parent, but my ex didn't want to have any children because he was so mentally unstable himself. Eventually, I just wanted biological children and I left him for good.
I shortly met my boyfriend, within a few days it felt like I just met my soulmate. He also wants to homeschool and raise children the same way and methods that I want to. He agrees with me on so much, like weird opinions I have, I felt like I haven't met someone that understood me the most until now. This wanting to have children of his own was also a recent revelation, so we were basically in similar past relationships, being with the first person who gave us some attention on whatever dating website.
Overall, I really want this to work. I want us to have a future, and he wants it too. He even reassures me through all the times I turn our conversations into arguments because of my frustration of his thought processes, he doesn't love me less and he understands why I ask certain things. He knows it's his issue, I really just want to get it into his head he needs to follow through more often than he doesn't.
No. 338576
>>338569My mom is married to a diagnosed autist and they went through a long traject of bi-weekly counselling to help understand each other. Or rather her understanding him because she does most of the understanding and compromising.
I know you didn't ask for this but I say this as someone who thus has an autist for a father, I hope you know what you're signing yourself up for, but I don't think you do. It frankly pains me for your future kids to read you would knowingly have them with an autist. Regardless I stand by my opinion you need professional guidance if you insist on continueing this relationship and perhaps an official diagnosis for him, it'll be your best shot at having your relationship work out.
No. 338589
>>338569Dump the autist. Definitely do not have kids with him. Imagine how difficult it will be to baby your manbaby and several autistic real babies. Do you have any idea how exhausting kids with autism are?
Also this isn't the first time you complained about wanting to go swimming with this guy, I remember previous posts. It seems kind of a weird fixation on your part. If he is unconfortable showing his body you need to drop it. Its kind of weird and creepy how persistent you are about that when hes told you several times he doesnt want to be half naked around other people while feeling bad about his body. That should be very understandable for anyone with basic empathy.
No. 338592
>>338561>>338571I understand not dating a turboautist but I can't grasp dating someone you have nothing in common with. How does that work? Don't both parties get bored? What's stopping these normie men from dating other normie women they have things in common with?
>>338569If he's not trying at all you need to dump him for your own sanity, anon. He sounds seriously autistic, not just a little spergy.
No. 338712
>>338569Kek kinda sounds like me. I have ADHD not autism, so I agree with the other anon. Maybe stimulants is all he needs.
As someone like him tho I recommend that you leave this person or just learn to deal with this. My poor bf decided to stay, idk how he puts up with me.
No. 339089
The first situation has probably been posted before, but I hope it is ok to vent about it here. I am currently visiting my bf of 1 year (I moved 6 hours away about 3 weeks ago) and he was showing me something on Instagram. He goes to use the search feature, and on his explore tab I see about half of the posts are women. Some of them are selfies and some of them are outfit or bikini pictures. This made me feel really insecure but I didn't bring it up at the time, because I am not sure if Instagram's algorithm targets men with pictures of women.
After this at a party, his friends were joking with me and asked me to imagine if I was "a pretty white girl with blue eyes and blonde hair who was being yelled at by a big black male teenager," with them implying I should say I would lynch him. My boyfriend just laughed at this scenario and didn't say anything to them expect for "you couldn't have conversations like this with your girlfriends." I was the only girl there, as well as being brown. As much as I hate hanging out with drunk guys in their 20s, I felt incredibly disrespected and that my boyfriend didn't see a problem with me being talked to like that. I am usually sheltered from this kind of thing due to being a shut-in who only interacts with 2 friends, family, and my boyfriend, but right now I feel like women just get fucked over and disrespected in so many ways that we're expected to deal with or get over.
My boyfriend and I have an agreement that he can't look at porn but that hentai is okay because they're not real girls (and he isn't contributing to the horrible porn industry), but what happened with his Instagram makes me believe that he doesn't respect those boundaries. I know the hentai thing might be weird for some nonnas but I do think that it's fine because I used to be a fujoshi and I always felt less disgusted with myself if I read/watched ecchi things compared to "real stuff." I'm at a loss about what to do now and feel like withdrawing from him but it'd be unfair to do so in what has been an otherwise healthy and loving relationship. He says that he wants to marry me and I think I want to also, but I cannot be in a relationship with someone who watches porn or uses the Internet to ogle women. I really respected him because he seemed like one of those rare Nigels but right now he just feels like any guy.
No. 339294
>>339260Don't stay with him if you don't love him, but
>i cant help bit to wonder if theres just better dick out thereIf you are going to wait for a guy who is good at sex you will probably be searching a long time.
No. 339390
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I'm autistic af and I always miss signals when a guy is trying to flirt/ask me out. So I'm attempting to figure it out seriously this time, because I'm really attracted to this guy. He came up to me at work a couple of times (he works in a different company) and each time we talked for hours. He'd bring me some sweets and fruit. We went out on a walk after work for around an hour a few times. But the last time we did that, he asked me to link arms. I kinda thoughtlessly grabbed his hand instead and after that he's been weirdly quiet. He hasn't typed to me at all since then (it was right before his vacation), rn he is on vacation with his parents, so maybe that's why, but I'm really not sure if he just wanted to be friendly (linking arms) and I interpreted it the wrong way by grabbing his hand. Here are some things that make me worry:
>he is attractive, and usually only ugly guys show romantic interest in me
>maybe he was just being friendly and I was too forward
>should I message him or naw, he asked for my contact info before his trip, but he only typed to me once and then never again
No. 339395
>>339392It doesn't seem that romantic to me?? I link arms with my (female) friends often when we go out. He wasn't really goofing around (at least that's what I think). It went like this:
>him:ohh anon the building here looks so sleek, it has this and that >me:oh yeah, wasn't it designed by the architect who worked for your company?>him:(sudden change of topic)may we link arms?>me:lol this reminds me of the time I used to link arms with my dad>him:last time I linked arms was with my mom>I grab his hand, we walk for around 10 minutes like that, his hand is sweating and after we cross the street I let go of his hand>>339394Thank you for the confirmation, I hope so
No. 339397
>>339395>I link arms with my (female) friends often when we go out. He's a guy anon, guys don't think or behave like women do.
Just compare how he behaves around you vs other girls/women. Is he visiting other girls at their work? Bringing them sweets? Taking walks with them after work? Talking to them for hours? Asking to link arms with them? I highly doubt it.
No. 339405
>>339390I've mostly seen old couples link arms, it's kinda random to ask you this in a romantic context (unless it's common in your country), however guys don't do it casually with their female acquaintances, maybe he wanted to take things slowly and you went from to 0 to 100 very fast.
>usually only ugly guys show romantic interest in meThis resonated in the deepest parts of my soul kek.
No. 339516
>>339436Being a mother and also the breadwinner is an absolute terrible idea. Sure, there are some superhuman women who can do both, but they usually have a very very supportive family helping them out (and by that I mean women like sisters, aunts, mothers, cousins, not men) or they are just fine with paying for childcare and letting strangers raise their kids while they work.
The fact is that a man will never make a good house-husband or primary caregiver for children. Men are too selfish and lazy for that role. Being a mother means lots and lots of sacrifice and your brain literally gets restructured during pregnancy to prepare you for that and make your child the main priority in your life. Men do not go through that change. That bond a mother and child have is the only reason women do not lose their minds and chuck the baby at the wall when they have had 5 hours of sleep in 2 months, never get to sit down or have a hot meal, constantly have to care for someone else who is needy and helpless and never get a minute for yourself. This is the reality of motherhood and men just can not do it. There is no way.
This is why you should only have kids with a man who can financially support you while you take time off work to be a mother and recover from birth. Not to mention how absolutely heartbreaking it is for moms who have to go back to work and leave their baby behind. If you don't have female family members to help you out and your bf is a manbaby, absolutely DO NOT have children with him. You will regret it so so so much and your baby deserves better than some scrote who will probably leave it in the crib to cry while he plays videogames.
No. 339523
>>339509Kek anon, you sound like a younger me. As someone who went through pretty similar problems, stop overthinking and just do it. Don’t commit to anyone straight away, don’t take anything too serious, you don’t need to have sex with anyone, just enjoy yourself. Go on some dates. Having more experience in dating and relationships is always a good thing. Even if it fizzles out (which it likely will at first) you will learn something about the kind of partner you want, and how to be a better partner yourself. My first few relationships as a late bloomer were so awkward, I was so needy and didn’t recognize (now obvious) red flags. I was so eager to be loved I was a doormat. I put up with some awful behavior because I was so inexperienced. I could kick myself now but that’s life honestly. You can read all the relationship books in the world and still be real world-dumb, you need to actually live it to know what’s up and recognize good/bad relationship behavior. Some people are good “people” while still being awful partners. My personal advice, avoid online dating and go outside. Go out with friends, find local events, talk to people. There are some cool people on tinder, sure, but the whole system is passive. You can scroll and swipe from anywhere, takes no effort. Go outside and do something so your time isn’t wasted, and you’re also talking with people who aren’t just swiping on a phone. If you meet someone you like while doing something cool, all the better.
No. 339530
>>339511ayrt, aw
nonnie i used to have really bad social anxiety as a kid but grew out of it. like you i struggled with friendships but after getting a close friend it got so much easier to make more friends. baby steps, as you said.
>>339523thank you so much for your advice, anon! i haven't used any dating apps, but am unable to use tinder due to something being wrong w my phone number. maybe that's a sign kek. i'm pretty sure i already know which red flags to avoid as my mom was in a bunch of messy relationships when i was a kid.
thank you for your replies. after reading what you've said i realised that my biggest 'fear' is to self destruct if i end up getting to the 'relationship' stage with someone. but i'm not going to be so relationship minded, but focus on dating and having fun instead.
No. 339550
>>339530>my biggest 'fear' is to self destruct if i end up getting to the 'relationship' stage with someone.Ayrt, and yes, this was my fear too. It’s why it’s so helpful to have more experience in dating because you learn how to handle things (and yourself) much better. Sounds kinda dumb, a lot of people will think just because you’re a certain age that you should also have a certain amount of relationship maturity, but you definitely don’t know until you go through it firsthand. Take it slow and don’t be worried about rushing into anything! Good luck
nonnie.
No. 339596
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Rn I'm playing stupid games and winning stupid prizes with my tinder FWB.
We have been seeing each other for 4 months, he was part of a polycule in his previous city and practices ENM but moved to my city recently and I've been the only person he has been with for several months. I didn't expect us to get into a relationship or anything. We started doing it raw bc of being dumb and horny. I will admit I was starting to catch feelings for him but neither of us have time for a relationship. Our hangouts have kind of plateau'd to just movies takeout and casual sex. I've wanted to push us to go out on dates but those plans always conveniently fall through on his end.
Then he tells me he has a new romance with this girl and he had unprotected sex with her so we should probably go back to using protection for next time. I was like yeah that's fine and congrats that sounds fun for you yada yada.
What the hell do I do with this? I don't have any right to be jealous, but I feel so discarded. I don't know if I am allowed to ask about what's going on with them. I don't have a lot of experience with this kind of thing. I have really shitty self worth so the likely outcome is me deciding to stop seeing him bc I feel like mystery girl probably deserves him more if he's calling it a "romance" already and our "friendship" is so lame even if the sex is good. I'm just really lonely and feel bad that I can't get laid as easily as he can I guess.
No. 339635
>>339596Run. Remove him from your life right now. I was you last year i came here with the same question and everyone told me to cut him off but i didn't. Huge mistake, wasted a whole year and had to cut a bunch of people off because of him at the end. It took me a long time to forgive myself for letting myself get walked all over. There is no such thing as "ethical non-monogamy", this cunt i was seeing had a gf and i met her a bunch of times to make her feel comfortable, took extra caution not to offend her how ethical right? i was very open minded and understanding like i was the chillest and the dumbest sidepiece ever, fell straight into the cool girl trope and they abused the fact that i was agreeable. This nonna
>>339602 is so right, its not really about hooking up with other people but more so about being dismissive and emotionally negligent. This couple made like a 10 point rulebook about me and i wasn't allowed to see it because it was "their business" lmao. You are already being gaslit because I was also made to believe it wasn't my place to be jealous when in fact jealousy is a very
valid emotion. Don't try to drown your emotions its your body telling you something is wrong. Trust your guts. People that claim to be poly are evil evil people, they're messed up in the head and are master manipulators. You deserve better than this, anyone deserves better than this. (to end on a positive note I am in a loving, long-term, monogamous relationship right now and my bf is very attentive to my needs, extremely loyal and possessive in the best way. He never tries to gaslight me or invalidates my feelings. The poly cunt told me no man would want to be in a monogamous relationship with me because I didn't want to have penetrative sex). This whole poly thing going mainstream only serves men, its just repackaging the mistress lifestyle. We need to publicly shame these people so they don't manipulate dumbass 20 y/os who dont know any better.
No. 339649
>>339596Don't touch poly guys, even if you're just looking for something casual they're the most manipulative fuckers who hone their BSing skills as part of their holier than thou jealousy free lifestyle. They're nearly always just emotionally fucked but larping as being ethical and free instead. If you can already tell that hes stringing you along about setting up dates then he fully knows hes fucking you around. That's on him but he'll never take ownership of his own mess if you try to point it out. Leave him behind and tell him the sex just isnt doing it for you. Anything else you say he'll twist into you being soo unhealthy and jealous unlike his enlightened poly friends.
Condoms aren't enough when someone is sleeping with multiple partners in a short space of time and raw half the time. Theres things that can get around a condom. Theres risk of oral transmission and even hands can spread shit. Theres an incubation period where people don't have any symptoms yet. Him telling you he fucked someone else raw as if its an afterthought and then thinking a wearing a condom this time fixes that risk isn't as cool and ethical and foolproof as these guys like to think. But again he won't accept that reality if you tell him.
No. 339716
Need some opinions on the type of kink I engage in with my boyfriend, because I know it’s widely considered bad but maybe there can be exceptions? Unsure. Before I explain here are some things I think are important for context:
>I prefer being submissive, I always have, this has never been pushed onto me by a man
>I am a radfem, I center women’s issues in my life, I would never go against my core values for the desires of a man
>My boyfriend was a virgin when we met, I am his only partner. He does not watch porn, he didn’t know much of anything about sex, he is the furthest thing from a coomer. If he was even slightly a pornsick degenerate I would not be with him
Anyway, onto the main point. I have always had (probably related to trauma) fetishes in the sphere of cnc. Being submissive, pain, etc. I have never practiced these with another man before because it’s something I didn’t think would be healthy for me. I was skeptical of men who had the same fetishes they wanted to be giving rather than receiving, men with no trauma who just wanted to get off on hurting women. It has always been weird, and I know many other women share the same sentiment.
Now though, I’m with a man who I feel completely comfortable with. He treats me like actual gold, spoiling me in every way. He takes care of anything and everything I could ever need, he’s so gentle, patient, loving, kind. If I’m sick he’s running to the store to get me stuff to make soup, juice, he’s tucking me into bed so I can’t get out and start trying to do things around the house. He’s so attentive to me and my life, I’m so in love with him.
I met him 3+ years ago, he didn’t want to have sex with anyone he wasn’t sure about marrying. When we did eventually get to that point we were having sex, he started learning that he had cnc fetishes. He gets hard hearing me scream, pulling my hair, slapping me, hearing me cry. Not all of our sex is like this but it’s still a regular part of our sex life. I’ve practiced these things with him because I do enjoy them as well, and because he makes me feel comfortable enough to trust him fully. He has never once violated my boundaries, pushed me into something I didn’t want to do, not respected a safe word, anything like that.
Do you think this is still unhealthy?
No. 339720
>>339718I just see often how unhealthy it is in any situation, how it’s a red flag, that these men always turn out to be abusers, women who think otherwise are just naive, etcetc
But I like to think I have a fairly decent judge of character now, after years of experiencing learning from men how terrible they can be and what to look out for
No. 339722
>>339716Its extremely unhealthy and there is something deeply wrong with a man that gets off on hurting you. Its psychopathic in nature, and him engaging in it and rewiring his brain with orgams to not feel empathy when he hurts you is very dangerous. You should both stop and you should go to therapy. Once you have unpacked and processed your trauma, that "kink"(self harm) will dissappear. Just google it, countless of people into bdsm say they stop wanting to get hurt when they get past their trauma.
Stop it before he actually harms you. I dated a man like that while not having that "kink" myself. He was just like your boyfriend, so sweet and nice…ti begin with. I now have brain damage and genital scarring.
No. 339725
>>339716Of course it's unhealthy. He gets off on hurting women (you) and the bottom line is that he enjoys it because he's misogynistic. You think a patient and loving man would get hard from play-abusing the woman he supposedly loves? Not to mention, people consent to self-harm all the time. Maybe you should dig deeper as to why you enjoy this shit, because it's always rooted in self-esteem issues or internalized misogyny.
>I am a radfemCan you really call yourself a radfem if you enjoy a man pretend-raping you?
No. 339739
>>339716> He does not watch porn, he didn’t know much of anything about sex, he is the furthest thing from a coomer. Uuhh…
>If he was even slightly a pornsick degenerate I would not be with himUh huh…
>he started learning that he had cnc fetishes. He gets hard hearing me scream, pulling my hair, slapping me, hearing me cry. Woops there it is. Your boyfriend is a degenerate pornsick coomer, sorry. There is no normal guy who is into this shit and you are a retard for believing your bf doesnt watch violent porn. Guys who were virgins most of their life and never got to have real sex are always the worst coomers cause they watch porn to make up for lack of sex.
No. 339778
>>339756How joyful or happy could it be if you're so painfully separated and haven't even met? To me it sounds torturous, do you even plan to meet or move to each other?
It sounds like you're in love with a fantasy in your own head.
No. 339783
>>339767Just get yourself tested and also stop fucking him. If anything comes up positive let him know. He sounds dishonest I wouldn't believe his about the vasectomy.
>>339775yeah you should move on.
No. 339790
>>339673If there's a running theme on here lately its that being the one flying out to see a guy sets a bad precedent for being left used and confused afterwards. You flew to him, booked a room and all. How convenient for him and now you're just left in limbo. He's 34.. if he likes you he would be doing more on his end. You wouldn't be left waiting around for a sign to move forward. He'd make it happen if he wanted.
Hes plenty capable of getting on a plane himself, could come to you, return the same effort you already made, make his own trip, set some plans, invite you back but make sure you're not out of pocket for all the trips. There'd be something happening already. Tbh I would read into his lack of action more than whatever your chats are saying. I'm the same age and ime you don't drag your feet this long if you like someone in any meaningful way.
No. 339914
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how do i figure out if this guy is serious? he has manchild traits, but it might be from growing up in a rich family. also people in this country are more childish than where i come from. please help. i want to know if he wants to also marry and have children, in general, not specifically already with me. i am 5 years younger than him but if he wanted to have that soon i would be happy. but i know that scrotes can lie and manipulate for a long time even just for sex in a relationship that goes nowhere. i seen this happen to women, 5+ years in relationships with no proposal or no clear idea of plans to have children, or guys "suddenly" changing their minds when the women wanted babies. also i'm sort of a sperg with trust issues.
signs of seriousness so far
>paid for drinks and food on dates unless i specifically said to split it, bought me groceries
>drove me to the dates, and home, picked me up from work, several times
>bought me small furniture items i did not even ask for because he thought i would enjoy them (i do)
>is supportive of my hobbies, came to my show, shows support in person
>cringes at me having other guys interested but shows jealousy in a respectful and funny way
>listens actively and is emotionally supportive, befriends my friends and invited me to his workplace
we met for one month then he had a long holiday, that he said he wants to update me about everyday
>texts everyday, video and phone calls almost everyday for 2 months since
>i have holidays at an overlapping time so he plans to visit me there and we bought tickets back together
>tries to help me get a better job, move to a better place, and talks about what we will do when we get back.
then there were some romantic talks and implications through music but it might just be a gesture, we are both into art and a bit shy so can be kind of confusing i guess, we are both waiting to talk out loud about commitment until the textationship proved that we like each others' personalities too and we finally meet again. but how would i bring up my future plans and wishes without sounding too pushy or scary?
No. 339920
>>339916sorry, i am drunk on my feelings it seems. so we met from a dating app and hit it off. i was getting over somebody and he was about to leave the country. we drank together, had laughs, wandered around and hooked up. it was good and we did it again and again… so it's not friendship. but we were not sure if it would continue by the time he came back because it was going to be a long time, i was meeting other people, he might have met someone new there, and the short time we spent together was not enough to establish much trust or commitment. also the manchild traits were such that he changed his mind at the last minute about which restaurant or event to go to (fickle mindset, could someone he sees be there?), then for one whole week after being sick (we both got a cold from going to the beach while it was windy) he came up with different dates but by the time we agreed on an actual time i either had work or the tickets ran out. or he was annoying calling them off last minute (booty call by girls?). i called him out on bad planning and then he got it together. but i thought why would i have to do that to an older man. and i did not give a flying fuck if he met others. over time though we both thought it would be gross to see other people, or at least that's what he wants me to believe. if it was only 1 month of summer fling and 2 months of e-dating in hopes of some fuckboy delusion of his then i would rather him begone. but he seems to be normal, with friends, hobbies, exes.
No. 339961
>>339942>Why ask for advice if you aren't going to do exactly what I say?Cuz I want feedback and ideas mommy is that ok
>>339945I have no idea what his deal is yet we haven't been talking very long and I'm not used to being with such a confident guy. He had no problem using a condom it's hard to explain how it went but he wasn't pressuring me to go without it was more that he didn't care either way. We've been talking more since. Also I'm dating others as well and we aren't exclusive
No. 339965
>>339963This
nonnie needs a snickers
No. 339985
Don't know if this is appropriate thread since my issue is about a platonic relationship, but I could really use some advice. I'm thinking about reconnecting with my ex best friend. We haven't spoke two years now. It all ended after she introduced me to her two childhood friends and I started getting so close to one of them to the point of neglecting the frienship we two had. She was going through some shit and so was I, and I wasn't there enough for her. Then the friend of hers that I got very close to started acting weird and obssesive and we got into a lot of arguments. Many which my best friend and the other girl tried to stay out of. Finally we had a big fallout and this time I dumbly pressured the girls to take my side despite knowing they were friend with this girl first and that I wasn't being such a good friend to them back then too. Tbh the girl that I had a falling out with wasn't either but they knew each other for so long that they were used to her behaviors.
After that my best friend and the other girl tried to meet up with me once and get me to apologise for some stuff I said in the argument to that third girl but I tried to brush it away and just hang out. Saying goobyes that night we said it was fun and we should go out sometime soon, but after that night they haven't messaged me and I haven't messaged them. I was pissed at the time they, especially my best friend, didn't take my side so I didn't want to be the first to message them. Then her birthday happened and I didn't even wish her happy birthday. Only after that did I feel like I messed up majorly, but was too ashamed (because of silence and because I didn't talk to her on her bd) that I continued to not have contact. But ever since it happend (so two years now) I still miss her so so much. I have at least one dream a week where I ask her to forgive me etc.
Today is her birthday and I really wanna send her some wishes but I'm worried I'll ruin her day by making her remember me. I planned to send them very late, right around midnight to not disturb her celebrations. Should I just say the wishes alone or should I somehow mention that I want to reconnect with her, apologise and meet up possibly if she wants to?
I really miss her and just wanna hear her voice again and hear how she's been doing, what she's up to etc. Just want to be part of her life again, no matter how small. I know I messed up and I'm ready to own up to it but there is unfortunately chance that she's not willing to forgive me or give me a chance, so I'm really worried
No. 340050
>>339985maybe you can get something from my story, it's pretty basic:
when I didn't talk to my friend for about 2 years I randomly sent her a text greeting that I was thinking of her which she responded to. I can't remember which one of us said we missed the other one first but that was also part of it and happened within two texts. I also said I was sorry for [thing that caused us to not speak] within a couple messages, maybe the first one. Then we made plans to meet up which involved going on a trip because we lived hours apart and we had a nice time and have stayed connected ever since even though we live far apart, we see eachother 2-3 times a year it's nice. It's the longest and currently only adult friendship I'v maintained because I make an effort to reach out and I'm honest with her. If she had not responded that would have been the end of it, I probably would have deleted her number to keep myself from being weird.
No. 340117
I have this guy friend I've been talking to on and off for years. We used to be really close when we were younger but we've both drifted away as we've grown up and moved to different states. We still chat every once in a while though.
I got dumped by my gf who I thought I was gonna spend my whole life with, and a few months later he messaged me again and we chatted for hours. While I was talking with him I realized, woah shit, this guy really has his life together. He's really grown up from the teen I used to know him as, but even back then, he always treated me nicely. Literally have no shitty man experiences with him at all. I have a huge fear of men and have had 90% bad experiences with them so I don't even feel like I have an interest in dating them. But while I was talking to him and after, I suddenly got overwhelmed with feelings for him. I can't stop thinking about him. All I want in life is stability and a safe, cozy home, and I can't stop imagining us being stable and happy together. I feel really bad because I think he liked me when we were younger (He never said it outright, but I remember some attempts at flirting. Another thing I respect about him. He stopped immediately when it seemed I wasn't interested.) I keep wondering what it would've been like if I gave him a chance. Wondering if I still have a chance now. I really don't know if this is a side-affect of getting broken up with. I don't believe I'm looking at him like a rebound, I'd genuinely be interested in pursuing a serious relationship with him. But I just don't know if this is my mind's way of attaching itself to someone new now that I don't have my gf. There's also the fact I haven't been attracted to men in years until now. I don't label my sexuality, it's mostly been women, but I still feel weird how quickly my mind turned itself around into being attracted to a man again.
No. 340333
>>340216>>340206Thanks!
Perhaps I should note, he’s not a complete stranger, we met through mutual close friends and spent a considerable amount of time texting the past few weeks.
No. 340434
>>340411not trying to downplay it but that is normal for some people, what he says about if he was ever going to do it he would have already done it rings pretty true to me. Some people are just fucked up mentally and just have to live with those chronic thoughts and wind up living a normal life anyway.
t. (…)
No. 340444
I live in a different state than my boyfriend. We are technically long distance, but see each other for a month or two at a time, with a month or two break inbetween. He says he wants to live together before he proposes, I would honestly rather him propose and give me the commitment of that before I move states away, but it is what it is. Anyway, I plan on moving in with him at the end of the year. I have never lived with anyone else, after I moved out of my mom's house I lived right next door and I lived alone. Now I'll be further from her than I've ever been, in a city where I know no one but my boyfriend, packing up my life to try and make this relationship work.
I'm terrified, but I love him, so I'm trying. Is there anything I need to know before I move in that will help me protect myself incase something does happen to go wrong? I'm hoping and expecting the best, but I want to be prepared for the worst. I'm basically just looking for some older sister/motherly advice here. I'm scared and I want some advice that will help me make the best decisions here.
Thank you in advance for any and all advice you can give me.
No. 340456
>>340411It's clear he has mental health problems problems and he owes it to both you and himself to be actively working on it, so I'd suggest/urge for him to seek professional help. What
>>340425 said sounds good too but I do think he should be actively seeking help. It's not fair to you if he doesn't try to get better because you could lose him at any moment regardless of what he says about not intending to go through with it.
No. 340550
Hope this is the right thread for this - so I'm pretty green with dating in general (got out of a longterm relationship last year), but a couple weeks ago I matched with a guy on Bumble and we really hit it off. We are both in our 30s, looking for a relationship, lots of similiar goals and interests. We texted pretty consistantly every day until our date on Saturday. We went out to dinner and wound up sitting and chatting for over 3 hours. Afterwards he walked me to my car, gave me a hug, said he had a nice time and to text him when I got home. I thought it went pretty well tbh. I texted him after getting home, he reiterated he had a nice time, but went unresponsive for the first time since we matched. This morning I reached out to ask about his day, he said he was planning on chilling at home, I texted back and he hasn't responded since.
Should I reach out to ask about a second date or give it some time? I really like this guy, but I kind of get the vibe he may just be trying to be nice. Like I said, pretty new to this stuff!
No. 340682
>>340444a proposal is just a promise so he doesn't have to be all weird about it. if it's that important to you then don't go unless he wants to be engaged. he's asking a lot by having you completely uproot yourself. if you're not excited to move away from home then don't do it. he could go to you, honestly (even if he has some excuse not to, so do you).
at the same time…if you get a proposal remember a proposal is just a promise and he could break that promise easily. keep your head on a swivel.
No. 340713
So, I'm in serious shit.
Selling a property soon and I will likely not get much back from the sale, tl;dr ex is asshole.
Consequently, I have been having financial issues and have been unable to save. Lawyers and so on. My cards are maxed. I have no family to ask for help in the housing kind of way.
My only pet just had a medical emergency which cost a surprise $300..couldn't charge it to my maxed credit card(s). Had to pay shit outta bank, got less than $10 to my name til Friday. One autopayment will bounce tomorrow, earlier in the week I thought I'd get ahead and make my car payment early and be responsible with my spending thinking it would help me save more next paycheck…I should've waited until next week when it was due and my other paycheck…but the vet and now, ugh.
Tl;dr
So I am in debt. Live paycheck to paycheck. Have no money. I don't know where to go after this property sells and it must.
I've been dating a man for about a month and a half. Someone who was always in my peripheral friend circle, we linked online one day. From the getgo he's been very empathetic, thoughtful, kind, and emotionally available. I've shit tested a few things already (seeing what his reactions are if I am unresponsive, busy, overwhelmed, upset, etc.) He just doesn't have a bad bone in his body. Always helpful, wanting to spend time with me.
He has other green flags, separate hobbies, friends, and so on. Decent career in my industry.
His apartment which he pays for alone is clean and tidy. No substance problems.
He's asked me to be his girlfriend already but I said to give me time and I gave some half-bullshit excuse about it being too soon from my ex. Truth is though, I don't know if I can see myself going with him. For one he strikes me as childfree (just not what I want when I am ready), and his personal appearance is not great. It makes me feel shitty typing that. He is willing to work on/has asked me unpromted about his appearance. Yet I wonder if I could really be happy if I settle. Not to say he has no cute features.
Also, he is just a bit too meek sometimes and he could really stand for some assertiveness.
Anyway, I did something real brash and had sex with him. Twice. Yeah, oopsie. He's pretty great/pleasey in bed and doesn't watch porn. Respectful, asking permission, decent size, used protection, and so on.
When he asked about my housing situation I explained everything. He asked if I had someplace to go, and I was honest. Without hesitation he offered his place to me. It would make my commute to work an hour each way (I may be able to work out traveling to work to be every other day). But he said he wouldn't ask me for rent or anything. Of course I would do my best in whatever way possible to do most of the domestic responsibilities in exchange, he is even getting along with and genuinely expresses care for my dog.
Do I have a relationship with him and just suck my preferences up? Should I stop trying to see other men at this point?
Neither of us has said that we love each other yet or anything.
"Beggars can't be choosers," plays on repeat in my head, but the other half of me feels I am being dishonest with both him and myself. Should I cast away the shallow and petty feelings for someone willing to do this for me?
No. 340743
>>340713This is quite the sticky situation. Im so sorry, you must be very stressed out. I personally think this sounds a tad manipulative, from both of you actually. Which makes it seem like a terrible idea to go through with. But in all honesty, if it were me in your position, and I truly had no options even a cheap studio or renting a room with roommates I could trust closer to my job, I would totally move in with month and a half dude. Id be extremely honest up front though and tell him I am uncomfortable with the idea due to the general circumstances, but if we do this then I would do my best to get on my feet and contribute to the home. Id tell him that I feel he is trustworthy and that I am very greatful for the offer too. Then I would say fuck it lets do this. Just dont combine finances and always have a backup plan. (I might ask for my own bedroom though at first, if he has the space kek and contribute financially as evenly as possible). Full disclosure, a similar thing happened to me. When covid lockdowns hit, I had literally jumped states to persue my self employed business which had started gaining traction, and it is the type of thing that the lockdowns completely obliterated my income prospects. I moved in with my male friend who I knew I was developing feelings for and that I knew had feelings for me… and we are still dating 3.5yrs later and have plans to marry. I got on my feet and we work great together. I think he is my soulmate. I dont think this type of thing happens often, be smart and watch yourself, and you will be okay. Dont feel like you owe him commitment if down the road you feel it isnt working, just because he helped you out.
No. 340969
my boyfriend has severe adhd and cannot be on time or considerate of time constraints. i've been understanding, i've offered to help him get it under control with meds/therapy, i've made it clear it's having an effect on our relationship, i've been upset, i've been sad, i've been returning "i dont have time now, i had time two hours ago". i am not getting upset over fifteen minutes, or pop-up things that are happening- i'm getting upset over hours and no communication or consideration. it's inconsiderate as hell and i have no idea what to do- i sound pathetic but i don't want to break up with him. i just don't know what to do because it is disrespectful, and i have ADHD too and took care of it with therapy, medication and behavioral changes. i adjust when there are issues and i don't get that back. right now i'm just doing "sorry, you missed your chance" and hoping it sinks in but i don't want to train an adult man.
No. 341376
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Nonas I'm kind of losing it. My bf went home to be with family for a few days. (Did not invite me to come btw). He has changed his plans to come back like 5 times. At first the plan was that he would come back after 4 days there. Then it changed to 5 days due to him not being able to rent a car (and this is when he purchased a round trip bus ticket for). Then he told me his mom asked him to stay 3 extra days, but that he told her no because he wanted to come home. Then he told me he actually changed his mind and was gonna stay the extra 3 days, I said what about the bus ticket/his job he said his mom would rent him a car and he would talk to his boss. At this point I was pretty frustrated because this means he won't be home for plans we made unironically like 3 months ago which we would just have to postpone. (Never get in a fight over the phone shit sucks ass). Then he told me that his sister might drive him home. I was like okay. My mom asks me if his sister will stay the night because the drive is pretty long and if so I have to clean the basement and the guest room. I check with him and he asks her, and she says definitely not. I let my mom know this. Then he tells me he has to stay an extra day because the event he was staying for was postponed. Then the night before he tells me his sister said to someone else she might "possibly" stay. I ask him to get a straight answer from her, he texts her and just says she still says "possibly". Then he tells me that she may bring a friend, I say then surely that friend can drive the way back since they should get here early enough to get back there at a reasonable time. He agrees and says if she can get a friend to come with her she won't stay the night, which means I won't have to spend hours cleaning. In the morning I let my mom know about the change of plans and the time they will be here. Then around when they are supposed to be on the way, he tells me she doesn't have anyone to come so she's going to have to stay over. Then much later, 3 hours after they were supposed to be on the way, he tells me they've only just started driving and also she is bringing a friend but ALSO her AND her friend are going to stay over unless I tell them to buzz off and get a hotel. I talk to my mom about this and it turns into this half conversation half argument because my mom doesn't want anyone to smoke in the house or fuckin' (His sister was arrested for weed smoking recently which for the record idgaf about but it's not my house & her friend is a moid even though I told her that they are not a couple although I don't know much else about either his sister or her friend). My mom ends up saying to just not say anything and let them stay here so I don't ruin my reputation with their family and leaves. Tbh I don't know if I just want to vent or what because this situation is really stupid. But I'm really frustrated my mentally retarded brain can't handle all the changes. I wish my bf would just stick with one damn thing I mean I understand one or two changes but shit just KEPT happening and he kept promising that such and such thing was definitely the plan now etc idk I fr cannot take it
No. 341411
>>341391>>341381She is really cool, we cleaned together which made a 6 hour job into like a 3 hour job. (It's very messy because of three other family members who have stayed here temporarily and trashed it fr poop stains on wall level. Inhumane. But that's a different tangent). We shot the shit and I think things are basically cool with us. She did keep emphasizing no smoking however, because we have some expensive stuff down there. She talked about putting a camera down there but I felt like that would offend them, so if they get burns on my beanbag, pillows, or quilts I'll just kms lol.
>>341387>>341391Yeah I did flip my shit a little and tell him I didn't want to be disrespected this way (the aforementioned phone fight). And he said it's not a crime to want to spend time with his family. After that I kind of felt evil but I was and am still mad. Like why couldn't he have said he was going to spend a week there from the get-go and had used the transportation that was planned out in that timeframe? Why does he just flipflop and not even ask me? It's crazy because he portrayed it as being up to me to which I told him it was ultimately his decision but I think he should come home at the time he said, and then he was like okay, then a day later with very little communication he told me well Actually no I'm staying here. Idk I'm running in circles about it but that's how that fight felt. It was mainly upsetting because every single day he said he would call me that night and then forgot each time. I know I'm assigning a cruel motive where I don't know if there is one but sometimes I really wonder if he just gets off to me waiting up on him, begging him to come back, etc.
>>341406This is exactly how I feel and honestly it makes me feel so much more sane to read these anons. Also btw I am 20, my boyfriend is 21, his sister is 20. Even though we're still decently young I feel like we're past the age to know someone's time is valuable. I literally have never just dipped out on him. I'll be honest we have a lot of problems, it's a lot to get into but sometimes I just feel so frustrated and alone that in a weird way I'd rather just be single? But sometimes things are really good too. I keep thinking that if I just think my way through this and get him to understand how he's been making me feel, that we'll be happy again. Idk it's pathetic and tragic etc. I await the awkward experience when they get here in like 10 min lol
No. 341460
>>341376I think you need to set stricter boundaries with these people honestly.
>hen the night before he tells me his sister said to someone else she might "possibly" stay. I ask him to get a straight answer from her, he texts her and just says she still says "possibly".Like at this point you should've said: I want a yes or a no and I want it now, if you can't get me a straight answer I will assume no and if she wants to stay the night after all it's up to her to figure out where she stays.
Don't let people toy with you and your time if you insist on associating with them.
No. 341901
>>341859>>341877Not the original nona, but it's so disheartening to read about how degenerate men are through the stories on here. Their nature sucks. Even if she's in a committed relationship, she doesn't satiate his desires, and he still has a wandering eye/penis. I always see the same "I can change him" meme going around, but the truth is that no woman can really change a man. He'll simply hide it better or try to double down and slowly show his dark side, bit by by, to get his
victim to get used to it. Shit happens. I wish the best for her and hope she breaks up with that hopeless creep.
No. 341939
>>340713>It makes me feel shitty typing that.Good, it should
>Should I stop trying to see other men at this point?Should have already babes
>Should I cast away the shallow and petty feelings for someone willing to do this for me?You should examine them more closely to see how much they actually matter to you. And more importantly you need to decide, in isolation from the housing issue, if you want a relationship with him. Starting a relationship with someone for the sole reason that you would otherwise be homeless is just planting the seeds of another shitty situation like whatever you just got out of.
No. 342002
>>341946>I just feel like shit all of it. I even thought about breaking up with him so he doesn't have a loser of a gfNonnie, are you me? I am in a similar situation except we live in different parts of the country and he visits me or gives me money so I can visit him. Even though he doesn't want someone else and never made me feel guilty, I feel like I am dragging him down.
I am sure he loves you and will be supportive, having a job instead of studying is great because you won't feel like a leech and it will keep you stable mentally. Remember that you are not living for him, it's not only his loss, you are disappointing yourself as well
No. 342114
>>342103Nonna, do you love this man? Because I'm sorry if this is too brusque, but it sounds like you shouldn't. You put it pretty clearly yourself, you asked him for emotional support and he refused to give it, you asked for reassurance and he refused to give it. He makes it very clear that he doesn't respect or care about your emotional needs. I think you need to really ask yourself some hard questions about why you're struggling so hard to maintain your marriage with this guy, is it because there's something there of value to you or is it something else, fear of change, fear of what you might perceive as failure, fear of starting again.
A relationship is a means for two people to work together to make each other happy, if you're not happy and he is not only doing nothing to change that but instead is making further demands of you then what's the relationship worth?
No. 342151
>>342103You married, he left, he moved away, he saw someone else and carried on without
a care about you. This isn't some shit you figure out post marriage vows. Being on a break is what you do while dating and even then 9 times out of 10 it isn't a great indicator of whats to come. I've had a marriage end suddenly so I get the temptation to try and salvage it by any means but you should've accepted that a man who ups and abandons your MARRIAGE isn't someone you can just trust again all while he continues to give you a half assed 'well come and get me' effort like this.
He had the freedom to leave, he had the freedom to see others without worrying about you during that time but now he wants you at his beck and call if you want to win him back.. Is he a prize? Are you always going to treated as lesser than him? Following his orders. This is like a dignity destroying test of how much shit you'll put up while still telling yourself he's somehow worth it. By marrying he already signed up to be dependable and broke that. He's not going to change and be your support if you reward this behaviour by chasing him anf following orders. All this teaches him is that he can do the same thing again. And he most likely will as soon as you hit another rough patch. You're not a couple of teenagers taking a break. Don't anchor yourself to a man who puts you through all this testing after already signed up to marriage. Get the divorce ball rolling. Make it clear that he abandoned the marriage. This isn't reasonable spouse behaviour.
No. 342173
>>341947I am, I cannot see myself doing another day of school. I haven't been attending normally. Briefly, and leaving mid class because I'm having a major freak out. I'm probably dealing with a bunch of self esteem issues with the terms of education and life. He comes from a good background and finished uni. His current job is insane (good) he's doing so many good projects with celebrities and stuff. While I cannot even finish because I die every time.
>>342003>I would say you should just tell him how you feel, ask if you can vent to him about your mental fatigue and if he can just listen. Explain that your self-esteem is low right now and it's hard to find motivation. These are all very normal experiences btw, and you will get through them but you do need to find someway to build up your self-esteem again, ideally without your boyfriend's help, but let him cheer you on if you need it.I've vented, and he was willing to pay a tutor for class, but I have such shit esteem that I cannot even consider a tutor because I am about to get judge. I am so behind. I vented, he listens but I haven't mentioned dropping out. I should, and I will once he is done filming the documentary. I don't want to add to his plate.
>>342002We'll get through this,
nonny.
Thank you everyone for the advice and words, it helped a lot.
No. 342176
>>342103I am sorry to be blunt but
He knows you'll get the house in the divorce but if it's money you'll only get half the funds
No. 342181
>>342103He's stringing you along for monetary reasons.
Seek the council of a divorce lawyer immediately. Cease all communications with him immediately. I'm sorry but he left you, he's never coming back and he just hasn't filed for divorce because he wants to personally manipulate you into giving him what he wants (which is working and he knows it).
No. 342198
File: 1690485478459.gif (283.35 KB, 220x162, red-flag.gif)
>>342103DIVORCE, NOW. There are so many red flags here, anon. DO NOT SELL THE HOUSE and do not speak to him again without a lawyer.
No. 342200
>>342191This is a redflag, he’s definitely acting overly possessive and insecure for no reason. It reminds me of some passages in Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft where she describes how men seem okay, but after marriage some signs start to appear of him acting overly possessive, and potentially to the point of being suspicious of any man you interact with. He may make you feel more isolated and like you can’t exist without him monitoring your every move. Look out for more redflags and read the book I mentioned it’s available as a pdf online if you just search it. It will help you realize if he’s turning more
abusive.
No. 342291
I just came here to say this. Men only grow when in the presence of high vibration, strong women (which is almost all of us.) WOMEN grow best in solitude, where we dont have to feel responsible for others feelings. We can be, freely. Men will always try to smother you, both physically and emotionally. They want to take everything from you and they will get jealous when you want to give to yourself. Especially if they cant give you what you need or want, they will pity themselves and expect you to pity them too. Do NOT pity them. Men are helpless without women. Do not let them smother you. You are absolutely everything alone. The only function of man is to provide, and protect women. If he isnt doing that, PLEASE for the love of God ignore him and do not validate his need for pity. You are the universe, he is but a pedestal for you to stand on. If he isnt lifting you up, IGNORE HIM!
That is all, I love you nonnies please remember your worth
No. 342295
>>342291I want to add to this, this is very important. Learn how to emotionally support yourself, entirely. I mean COMPLETELY. Spend time alone and get yourself to a point where you dont need ANYONE, no matter how you may feel. This is the most important thing you could ever do for yourself, genuinely. please take care of yourselves and remember that you are the universe. You are a creative force full of love. You deserve nothing short of limitless devotion, loyalty, respect, and a constant stream of abundance. You deserve everything you want and more. Safety, comfort, love. Provide those things for yourself and you will never need a man, and he will know it. As he should. Know your worth!!! You're the most valuable thing in the world!
No. 342299
>>342297Where did she imply that? Men can't function without a woman taking care of them. Women can still excel perfectly on their own, and should only accept a man into their lives if he contributes in some way (rare).
>>342298You're right; they're just nitpicky about the wording.
No. 342302
>>342291>Especially if they cant give you what you need or want, they will pity themselves and expect you to pity them too.Can we talk about this real quick? I swear, every time I've told any man in my life that they aren't meeting my needs and we need to work on things, they immediately break down and try to fight me on it, instead of just listening and being a better partner. I've had almost all of them mention suicide. So then I have to drop whatever problem I have and then comfort them or else I'm an awful person. It reminds me when I was growing up, I told my father I was depressed and needed help and he told me "well I want to blow my brains out" and made it about him and his baby feelings. So then I had to care for and comfort him. Why the fuck are men like this? Has anyone else dealt with this?
>>342300Just because you get a moid to pay for your shit doesn't mean you don't work and have your own money saved. She's not implying to stay with a moid because you don't have your own life together.
No. 342304
>>342302Men want you to comfort them in their inadequacy. They feel insecure and dont want to change. If they display this behavior LEAVE and IGNORE. Its the only way to get them to stop. They either level up or you stay gone. Men never learn from words, only example. Speak with your actions. Comfort and care for your inner child. I'm sorry your father did that to you, i experienced the same. When we have emotionally immature parents, we dont learn how to protect ourselves, they manipulate us as children to provide. Never let guilt cloud your judgement. Every person is responsible for their own safety and feelings first. Parents are supposed to give unconditionally, while filling their own cup. They dont learn to do that before having children, and we suffer. We MUST give to ourselves
>>342300Learn to read. If you are providing for yourself entirely, what a man offers is EXTRA. You do understand that you can be given what you dont need right? If you emotionally provide for yourself, you should have no problem using your natural gifts, skills and abilities to provide tangible safety and comfort for yourself. Always provide for yourself first.
No. 342305
>>342269Good on you. I'm sorry that must have been emotionally draining. You didn't do anything evil, he he ended things with his actions.
>>342302>Has anyone else dealt with this?Yeah. Doing all the housework and cleaning makes me hate his guts, so I tried to talk to him about him sharing the load and he said something like it doesn't matter if the house is dirty because it's never really clean anyway and
why do we even have to eat every day? It's not easy for him to do those things, especially cooking, so he doesn't do them (was basically the sum of the argument). What do I even say to that? Really makes me want to give up.
No. 342309
>>342306>When he whines or gets angry that you didnt make anything for him or clean up his messHe would never. He genuinely doesn't care if the house is dirty or there's no dinner made. I've done that before to see if it would change anything, it doesn't. It's not about what he wants it's about what I want. I care a lot if the house is dirty and there's no meal to share. He does not seem to care that it's important to me which is why I'm upset.
I'm not interested in having a private little solo dinner and pretending I can't see his messes, I might as well leave him if that's how it's gonna be. That's like having a shitty roommate. I'd rather live alone.
No. 342314
>>342312I know.
I'm so frustrated because it's so basic. Cooking and cleaning are literally basic requirements for life, everyone has to do them. (Actually he doesn't even have to cook, I've said many times premade food or going out to eat are both fine too, but those are too expensive and/or not good quality to him so he won't.) I've been to his childhood home and met his parents, he grew up in a clean house with lots of very good food every day. I'm puzzled how he did not learn the importance, that it makes life pleasant. I've been to his sister's house, it's clean and she cooks fun delicious things like his parents. Honestly seeing her house really got under my skin, it just reminded me how he had all the same opportunities she did… I grew up in a hoarder house covered in fleas and cat shit, how the fuck am I the one who cleans now?
No. 342317
>>342304I know. I've already left men like this because they are broken and are not worth our love. Thanks for the sympathy, nonna, the best thing we can do now is save other women from this same bullshit.
>>342305>>342314I'm surprised you haven't killed him yet. You're wasting all your patience on him. I hope you can find a wonderful man who cleans for you because he wants to make you as comfortable and happy as possible.
>>342315That doesn't solve the problem of him disregarding her needs to begin with. Money doesn't solve everything and telling him to pay for everything while she does all the actual work is just an easy way out for him.
No. 342321
>>342316Dump him if he doesn't agree
>>342317You will never solve the problem tho. You can't turn a slob into a househusband.
No. 342353
Bit of some backstory for context. And this may be long but I would really appreciate some opinions on this
>My dad killed himself when I was young, leaving my mother single raising a child by herself
>Her parents died when I was young also, and they left her with immense debt
>Complicated to explain but when they died there was a lot of debt that legally became her responsibility
>She quit her business she owned, a brick and mortar store, her Dream Job to end up working 2 very laborious jobs my entire childhood
>Hard jobs that had her on her feet all day, my entire childhood, every day. Constantly exhausted, like falling asleep while driving level of exhaustion
>She ends up being diagnosed with sleep apnea after years of this, so for at least a decade she was working like this and getting no sleep, existing as a zombie
>Add in an abusive boyfriend to the mix and you can see how my mother has lived a very hard life
Anyway, I went to college that I worked hard to pay for. My mother ended up getting a comfier job working from home, it doesn’t pay the best but she’s not struggling as much financially now that she doesn’t have al that debt anymore. Her life is fine, I guess. I have found good work working for myself, but it’s not consistent. Like I’ve made really great money especially this year, but it may not be like this every year. For now I have a lot of money in savings and good expected income for the rest of the year
With this money I have spent a lot on my mother, to even try and begin to improve her life and chip away at some sort of thank you for everything she sacrificed for me. This year I’ve bought her a new computer and a laptop, I took her on a $4k cruise, I buy a lot of her groceries, I’m going to take her on a short vacation soon that’ll be like another $1k, at the end of the year we have a concert that’s about $1k, and then I’m going to end up getting her a riding lawn mower soon that’s like $3k. So a bit over $10k let’s say on my mother this year for mostly luxuries.
I’m in a long term relationship, about to move to be with my boyfriend in his house rather than my own. We want to start planning for a family soon and saving for our future. So my main question is, am I selfish and irresponsible for spending money on my mother like this knowing I’m going to start a really serious future with my boyfriend soon?
No. 342448
>>342428You’re writing this like you think you’re crazy so it’s hard to tell from the story if you are “just being crazy” or if he’s acting suspicious. Personally I would have looked at his phone if I were you. Was he
really just staring at his Home Screen for ten minutes? What was he doing, spacing out?
No. 342492
>>342476True.
Maybe she should come back from therapy one day and pretend to have had a “breakthrough” about porn being totes fine! Let’s watch some right now! And see how fast he pulls it up. (I’m not really suggesting this, but I’m not against mind games to find out what he’s really doing…)
No. 342493
>>342428You could find out if he is talking to someone else for starters, just to rule it out. If he is talking then he isn't doing that in the incognito mode because logging in each time can be annoying. While looking at his phone is pointless, you can see how he reacts when you unexpectedly touch his phone, to see the time or battery.
Also, if it's of any consolation, maybe he is simply embarrassed about what he is doing, maybe some stupid game or watches something you wouldn't approve. It's also not very worrying to me that it happened twice (so not something habitual)
No. 342584
Here's my situation
>26, have always lived with my mom or lived alone
>Never dealt with living with a roommate, definitely never lived with a partner
>Moving in with my boyfriend of 2+ years at the end of this year. It's his house that he owns not rents, solely in his name
>He works from home making pretty good money, I work from home making just enough money to support myself
>Ask him how he expects finances to be split, he seems confused
>Tells me he already pays the bills and the house payment, says he doesn't want money to be an issue within our relationship
>Tells me he's taking care of the money already, he makes enough to cover everything and he has plenty of savings
>Explain how I worry I wouldn't be contributing an equal amount to our relationship, since we aren't married with kids, we're just dating and I wouldn't be paying for anything
>He says I cook for him and help with the dog and the garden and that's plenty. That he contributes financially, and I contribute in other ways
>Ask what I'm supposed to do with my small amount of income I make
>He half-jokingly tells me to save it for grandkids college funds
Why am I so conflicted right now? Is this situation okay? Why do I feel so weird about moving in with a boyfriend and contributing nothing financially to our living situation together? What would you guys think/do if you were me? I've never had to deal with anything like this so I don't know what's normal, but this feels weird. I'm so confused
No. 342585
>>342584Tell him you'd like to pay X amount towards rent. This is to maintain landlord-tenant history. You don't need to tell him this, nona, but if you ever need to move out, having that documented monthly payment is important to have. Rental history is sort of like employment history… gaps in the resume raise an eyebrow (and in this case, it would increase the security deposit.)
This situation sounds nice, but he may be overestimating how much he is willing to "help". Financial imbalances in relationships can lead to resentment. No matter how nice he seems, you do not want him to eventually hold his "help" over your head.
Hope it works out nona! Wishing you the best.
No. 342587
>>342585Well that's the issue, if it were just rent that's exactly what I would do. I'd split the rent 50/50 with him. But it's his house payment that he's paying monthly to own his house
And I'd have no issue paying on the house as well, if my name were on it. It feels weird paying anything towards his house payment when my name isn't currently on the house. Plus it's a pretty expensive house, the payment is like $5k a month I'm pretty sure.
Also what you said about eventual resentment, that's my biggest fear. He says he hates money being an issue, that I'm so much more important than money, etcetc. But I doubt any man that has ever thrown that up to a woman told her ahead of time "Hey I will resent you for this years from now". It's scary to think about.
That said, I do appreciate you taking the time to give me advice and wishing me well. I don't have any friends really so I come here a lot just scared and totally on my own with things and you guys always help me so much.
No. 342612
File: 1690716690560.jpg (115.59 KB, 1200x1599, Cursed images_3c2f6c_6607173-3…)
should i try to find the girl from my date's social media in real life? we share some interests and i wanted to go out and do things to socialize. i feel like a stalker, but he has liked every insta post she put up for the past year, they follow each other on another app where she likes almost all of his posts and comments occasionally, and on fb he does not have her family added so they possibly know each other from tinder. i also have had a fake joke profile on tinder before where i put that i am 20 and seen his 30 year old ass there before i made a real profile. the app only shows the age range you select. i feel sick to my stomach, the girl is almost 10 years younger. i am scared he is a manipulative disgusting scrote and groomed her and is trying to fuck with me too. i saw her insta and fb. this girl seems sweet and have lost a family member 2 years ago. i know it is stupid making assumptions based on social media. yet when he was showing someone's message on his phone, i saw her added to his chats and the last message was a heart there. this was 3 months ago. he is away for work now and we have been messaging consistently. i think we are exclusive but i doubt moids make friends with young girls just for platonic reasons, and otherwise they share a hobby or two, so then i am wondering why the fuck are they not dating then? she is pretty and smart. is he stringing us both along? am i the retarded one? i am socially isolated so i see things differently, and i was also groomed as a pre-teen so this is triggering to me. sorry for sperging. from my experience scrotes can befriend for shared hobbies but they would only autistically discuss that, and only that & ignore you everywhere else, or become infatuated and hit on you constantly. what should i do, wiser nonnies?
No. 342632
>>342587You're right, you shouldn't be paying into his mortgage. It would be weird if he wanted you to.
I do not think he will ever resent you for this, he's not actually spending more money because you're there (not a meaningful amount). The amount you increase the utilities by living there is going to be next to nothing. He would be paying the mortgage with or without you. The grocery bill is the only thing that really goes up by adding you to the home, and he sounds rich enough that he would barely notice the cost of feeding one person. I would let him pay for things if I was you, it sounds like a rare case where it doesn't affect him because he is living very comfortably. You should take this opportunity the breathe easy and better your own financial situation without having to worry about how to make ends meet. Like seriously this is so lucky! You could quit your job and get a degree, or ask him to hook you up with a higher paying job in a related field to his work if he can.
You actually like him / love him, right? Because sometimes feeling of hesitation and discomfort like this are due to not really being serious about a guy and not wanting to feel you owe him anything and get more embroiled than you have to because you know deep down he's not the one…. Hopefully that's not the case here? Do you feel like you're walking into a situation where he wants you to be a stay at home girlfriend? Does he clean his own house or are you gonna do the cleaning and the cooking?
No. 342665
>>342584If you know that in a worst case scenario middle of the night fight with him kicking you out saying its his house.. that you have somewhere to go right away (like your moms) and that you're not stuck hours away from a fallback option like that then I'd take the offer of free rent for now and treat this as a trial period. Because its really early days rn if its your first time even living together. You learn alot about someone in the first while of fully living together. Even if you're already in the habit of staying over alot or you've been on holidays together.. living together is getting a feel for how you two will work. One step at a time. You can address longer term plans with the mortgage later when the time comes. Signing up for too much too soon can be a hell of a costly headache if shit doesn't go as planned. I wouldn't want to be on a mortgage with someone if I hadn't already had a good run of living together beforehand. You're not just protected by your name being on there. You're liable.
Put money aside in your own personal account. Not for grandkids (you both need to slow down lol) but for yourself as your 'in case we don't work out' fund. For now its a good deal because it gives you a good buffer of savings if living together reveals any cracks.
No. 342698
>>342632I do really love him, and I look forward to a future with him. I think about our serious future together every day, I’m happier than I’ve ever been. I just grew up poor, like really poor, so the financial situation I’m in now is fantastic for me even though it’s like very average to everyone else. So that’s where this comes from, having insecurity about my finances, knowing what it’s like for someone to hold money over you
And like, this is the only man who has ever been good to me. Like actually, genuinely good to me in every way. So I have a hard time accepting that it doesn’t come with s catch I guess
>>342636>>342665Thank you both, I always have my mom to go back to. Her and I are very close, but I’ll be moving a state away from her by moving in with him so I’ve just been overthinking every little thing
You all have made me think about this in a more positive but still realistic way. It’s not like this has to be permanent, if something goes bad and he starts trying to manipulate me financially I should have my own fallback savings just to be safe. And if I’m helping out around the house, with his plants, his dog, cooking, cleaning alongside him, then I shouldn’t feel bad about not paying bills he would be paying anyway. I sincerely appreciate all of the help and reassurance
No. 342717
File: 1690787698439.jpeg (42.6 KB, 640x480, IMG_1279.jpeg)
I met this amazing guy while travelling, we have very similar tastes and interests, we work in the same industry, he thinks I’m beautiful and interesting, he has a third leg and he lives in a country I’ve always wanted to move to. But there would be a lot of hurdles if we were to pursue each other. Long distance would be almost impossible, so one of us would have to move, the only problem is I live in a boring backwater and he lives in one of the most expensive cities in the world. I’m worried the only reason I want him is because he wanted me first and deep down I’m scared I’ll never find someone else like him or better, and it’s safer to settle down now than keep looking and risk being “left on the shelf”. How do I keep myself grounded while trying to work out my feelings for him?
No. 342800
I'm engaged to a guy I've been with for 5 years. We have a pretty toxic relationship at times where we fight a lot, mainly due to him having anger issues and flying off the handle over little things and taking it out on me. Over the years, I've gotten tired of this and I've started getting irate when he takes his anger out on me. I have to admit I've added fuel to the fire by yelling at him. The other night, he got angry over something our neighbor did and started telling me I had to deal with him next time and that I never have his back about things and that it's my responsibility to deal with this "bullshit," all because I sat quietly in our bedroom and tried to just let him rant it out. I didn't want to get involved and make him more mad by telling him he was overreacting. So I got up and started yelling at him because I was livid, asking him what the fuck I did to deserve to be berated over something I didn't even do, I was just sitting there, he was nuts, etc. etc. He started turning up the TV to drown me out. I turned the TV off as I was standing next to it. He then got up, yelled at me to leave him alone, and physically pushed me back into the open threshold of the bedroom. He didn't hurt me, but he did use his entire body weight to move me and attempted to close the door onto my body when I resisted moving. This is when things spiraled and it ended with me staying at my coworker's house over the weekend.
He seems to think that it isn't that big of a deal. Am I crazy here? Isn't it really fucked up to literally push somebody you're in a relationship with?
No. 342802
>>342800You're clearly aware that you're in a
toxic relationship, and everyone else here would agree. Make a plan to leave, and get out as soon as possible.
No. 342834
>>342831are you sure they're totally "normal"? I thought my husband's family was normal but turns out they're also dysfunctional. people like to hide their family weirdness.
I think you shouldn't be so self conscious about it. If you can both meet eachother's parents then both your families and you two are functional enough for the relationship to work.
No. 342923
>>342896I can understand why this could seem like manipulative behavior to some people, but you know it isn't like that and I don't think you necessarily have to change or fix this. I'm assuming that this happens in arguments where one or both parties are angry or emotional. It's important that you assert yourself and talk about what you want and think when there's a disagreement, but nothing says you have to assert yourself right there and then during the emotional argument. Maybe it would work better for you to just let the crying phase happen but then make a mental note to write down what your opinions and thoughts on the matter really are at a later moment when you're not stuck in that feeling anymore. That can also make it much easier to then have an open discussion with your bf about any disagreement you had without feeling frustrated or misrepresented.
Basically if the argument gets to the point where you feel overwhelmed like that, it's not the best time to have a useful discussion anyway, even if you'd learn to suppress the crying.
No. 343023
>>343017We were living a few hours apart at the time.
>we both agree to meet up at a hotel and hang out for the night >i have a few drinks because I'm socially awkward and drinking helps>drink too much >show up to date piss drunk >he notices. We talk. I don't remember anything. I think I said "so its over?" and cried>next thing I know. I watch him drive away while standing by my car>get in car drunk and drive to a Walmart where I fall asleep >one month of soul crushing depression later, we get back together after he messages me about some bad things that happened to him It's been a pretty good relationship since then. But I still have trouble getting over that. How could you leave someone like that alone when they could have got themselves killed or killed someone else? He left me RIGHT by my car too
No. 343028
>>343025To tell you the truth i dont know. I was just happy to see him again. It was 2 years ago. I feel conflicted. I love him but I feel like he basically left me to die. I want to believe he wouldn't do anything like that again.
Is this something that's just unforgivable? Sometimes I wonder whether he really loves me at all.
No. 343067
>>343061I don't know what the answer is for you but I had a friend who stranded me in a city we were visiting together because I got too drunk and I never got over it. never could trust her after that and the friendship fell apart. I never even yelled at her for doing that I was very apologetic for upsetting her.
if you care about him you could have a conversation about it just to find out what he was thinking when he did that or if there's some context you're missing since you were drunk and don't remember everything.
I agree with
>>343052>It also concerns me that he got back with you to have a girlfriend therapist, not to check on you. that's concerning. he didn't even message you to ask if you got home safe? yeesh
No. 343124
>>343104Not being a piece of shit person that views others as tools, being secure in yourself, having respect for your partner
So really vetting hard and hoping you havent found someone playing the long game. Never ever chase a man, dont convince a man to marry you, only marry a man who takes courting you seriosly, marry a man that isnt using you as a placeholder sex maid
No. 343535
I need to know if I am in the wrong here. Bf is adhd. Constantly forgets things. Regularly takes forever to complete a task. He has gotten a little better over the years. But I basically manage 85 or 90% of things household related. Please, dont tell me to leave or stop or do whatever about it. Not what I am asking advice on. Anyway. We have big discussion about bills and house stuff. I alone handle pay8ng bills and budgeting our income. We are broke and I re did our budget very recently to really slim things down where possible. We agree to keep the back room door shut (almost completely, cat can move in and out) and blinds closed during the hours of noonish to 7:30pm back there because we are a corner house and the sun really, really heats up that room. This helps trap the heat back there where no one is during the day instead of it spreading to the rest of the house, as our a/c is struggling as is. Its very, very, very hot here. Yesterday, I close blinds and prop door mostly shut by sticking a shoe in the door. I walk by and the blinds are fully drawn and the door propped open. Its 110 outside and the a/c is 2 degrees higher than it is set. And it is set to be 75. I fix it. I approach bf and ask hey can we make sure to keep that area shut and blinds drawn during the day? He gets upset and says he is moving things back and forth. In my mind I dont understand why the blinds are drawn in order to move things…but I guess I can see why the door was propped all the way open for that…however it is easy to push the door open and nearly closed again as the shoe isnt preventing opening, but closing….I say okay, just remember we agreed to keep it all shut til around 7:30pm. thinking he did forget our new agreement and just sorta made something up to not feel bad? He blows up on me. Accuses me of thinking he is incapable of things and that I am a micromanager and control freak. I say wtf all I did was remind you of the thing we both agreed to? He wants to talk next day about it but we are done for today. Next day comes. He says I dont trust him, I judge him, I think he will fail, I have no faith in him, I breathe down his neck, micromanage, treat him like a child, and I had no right to remind him of the agreement. I say that I said no such things, thought no such things aside from the fact that he does tend to forget a lot of things and just restated the (new as of a couple days ago) agreement we both committed to, nuetrally. I never took any tone nor insulted him. In his mind, by explaining that he was moving things (which he was not currently doing at the moment we crossed paths so how could I know) I should have NOT reminded him of our back room heat mitigation agreement. Wtf? This is crazy, right? Or should I not remind him despite a track record of forgetfullness?
No. 343543
File: 1691364940088.jpeg (1.16 MB, 4032x1857, IMG_4498.jpeg)
>at bbq with bf and his friends
>be cordial, warm and pleasant to them
>his mates drink and take Ketamine every day
>ask bf not to drink and drive me home
>he has two DUI car crashes from years past
>confiscate the beer his friend gave him
>his friend kicks me out of the bbq over this
>they tell him i’m an abusive whore and give him an ultimatum
His friends have clearly been looking for a reason to drop him and are using me as a scapegoat for the demise of their friendships.
I feel this is too cruel to suggest to him even though it’s clearly the reality. I’ve met them twice got along with them fine and been nothing but nice to them.
They’re now ghosting him and manipulating him to believe it’s me that’s the issue. They gave him an ultimatum knowing he’d never give me up, it’s pretty calculated.
No. 343679
>>343676He called him and he just started lambasting me, calling me an abuser, claiming I was hitting him (he has bruises from hickeys), that I talk too highly of myself, that I’m too present in their server, that he doesn’t see them on the weekends now, etc.
I’ve never met a man who doesn’t like me, it’s an anomaly
Idk it has a very weird possessive energy and it’s really tearing him up inside and stressing him out. I feel bad for him
No. 343729
>>343543>>343679I said this in the vent thread and I'll say it again here. Why do you need to babysit your boyfriend in something he should have known already? If he needs you to take care of his responsibilities that's a bad sign.
>I’ve never met a man who doesn’t like me, it’s an anomaly I have no idea what to tell you, not everyone is going to like you, but it's your boyfriend responsibility to be the bridge to his friends, it's in his interest to make both groups get along. You shouldn't be the one seeing this insulting message from his friends and trying to find a solution.
No. 343742
>>343740Well I’ve met plenty of women who don’t like me, not for the reason you think, so whatever
It just gives possessive faggot vibes
No. 343748
>>343746I’ve already started matching his energy. I don’t do anything for him at all, I don’t get him gifts, I don’t do anything special anymore. He doesn’t seem to mind, but it obvious he just doesn’t care about this type of stuff. He does spend a decent amount of money on me in the form of trips and paying certain bills, I’d say he’s spent about 5k on me so far in our year or so of long distance. But it’s the non financial smaller things that it just feels like I’m always having to tell myself “well it’s bc we’re ldr, he’ll be better in person”
He told me today “oh it’s our one year anniversary soon” I said “I’m excited to see what you plan for us” and he just goes ahead and tells me what he’s thinking of doing in several months after he’s moved back, which is taking us to a luxury resort for a weekend.
He doesn’t seem like to care about doing anything specifically for me only or taking me on a date when he visits next week. I feel like I speak a differnt language to him
No. 343767
>>343741>>343744After reading these two I was like HES CHEATING LEAVE HIM but after reading
>>343748 my mind is changed. He’s just not a sentimental person and particular days are just any other days for him is what I’m thinking.
No. 343779
>>343778I actually agree 100% with you, it's just hard and I was hoping some girl had experienced this and managed to save the relationship and would have some advice to give, really didn't mean to be nuisance sorry
>>343775May I ask you how old you are ? Plus do you think there's a chance he's depressed ? Finally : if he doesn't want to go to the gym, maybe try inviting him biking ? (On a bicycle of course) maybe this could help with his butt
No. 343787
>>343779>maybe this could help with his buttKek he actually got a bike semi recent-ish to bike with me! Actually getting him to do it is another story lol. But, its dangerous hot here right now and we cant really go outside much. I do actually have hope that he will go in the fall with me as he seems genuinely interested. I am almost 30, he is 33. So things are starting to catch up to both of us, especially if we dont put real effort into health. And yeah, depression is a thing right now for us both. I have been pretty chronically depressed my whole life so it feels like background noise to me. For him, it is sort of new. We cant go outside much and we both thrive in sunlight so seasonal depression has got us both. He used to be very very obese as a young adult, like 18 to 20ish but lost a lot of weight and worked out a lot. But he quit, and that was a decade ago, and I think he still thinks that is how he is kek. Still obese technically now, and I am overweight bmi 26.3ish, but he isnt huge huge like he was back then, so I think in his mind as long as he isnt as bad as he
was, he is good. I think he also believes that by being a man he is strong, and because he worked out regularly 10plus years ago, he is still that strong kek. Idk. I still am attracted to his personality and most of his traits, but the lack of self care is off putting. I dont find other guys attractive either so it isnt like I am going to cheat or have any desire to do so. I think this is just something normal for people in committed relationships to go thru as they age (not that we are old but early 20s and early 30s are vastly different) and we gotta work it out somehow.
No. 343788
>>343786Just from what you wrote here it sounds like you broke guys up and don't realize it yet.
>My gut feeling is telling me that something isn't right. Your gut is right. You don't like eachother anymore.
No. 343789
>>343788lol, dyslexia moment. I meant to write
sounds like you guys broke up*
No. 343857
>>343742Word of advice, run like crazy from the entire situation. When a man's friends get possessive over him, any romantic chemistry from here on out is over. He will always be their little pet, and you the evil bad guy trapping him in a metaphorical cage. You need to take your self dignity and refuse to participate in any more of this strange homosocial bullshit.
>>343740>>343765And you two are siding with a gaggle of sperm factories because?
>>343824This should be the answer to every relationship problem on here. Nonas, you deserve better than this assorted male bullshit.
No. 343867
So I have this gross desperation and obsession with being liked by the person I’m currently romantically or sexually involved with. Most times I don’t even like them, if I stop for a second and think about the future, do I really want to have a serious relationship with them? No. They are usually boring, annoying or have many traits that I very much despise. But still, I always become so obsessed. The less attention they give me, the more NEED I them to like me!
It’s worse now that I’m aware of this issue, because before I used to think I actually belonged with those people and we should be together. Now that I know it’s just some traumatized part of my brain that’s desperate to gain attention from people who don’t really like me I feel even shittier because now I’m guilty for wasting my time, energy and even money on someone or a relationship that won’t lead to anything productive at all, and will only bring pain in the end. The amount of times I’ve humiliated myself for these people is infuriating, I feel so fucking angry at myself for letting this happen.
I am currently obsessed with and fucking a sperg who has absolutely zero charisma, has never genuinely been able to hold an entertaining conversation with me or anyone else, doesn’t seem to know literally anything apart from his 2 special interests, is very distant and hasn’t opened himself to the point that I can’t tell if I just don’t know him well yet or he is actually bland and lame like that at all times. He is super tall, semi attractive and dresses really well, so I hold on to these things and just keep fantasizing about our cute aesthetic as a couple. I know that I don’t like nor want him, but because he is so distant and doesn’t really seem to be interested anymore, all I think about is him. I cyber stalk him obsessively for hours on end and keep repeating stupid affirmations like “he’s blindly in love with me” and stuff all day. Like I just want to be free, truly I want to get out of this, but I know that two months from now someone new will come along and they will be as avoidant and I will be as desperate. How do I change this? Like truly, I just want to be free.
No. 343911
>>338131Do it if you trust in your partner honestly or if the topic comes out in the conversation.
My partner knows a lot about it, we started being the honest to each other since the beginning, idk if it was a good idea but made our bond stronger. Most of my previous sexual experience was bad and most of it comes from manipulation to those ppl I was dating before him at that time.
In my personal case, I thought that maybe was a good idea telling to someone I trust about the ex that can do a revenge porn me in any moment (but it's been 4 years now and everything it going fine for now)
No. 343950
>>343917Because you are incredibly based like
>>343934 said here. Honestly, I don't know why its not socially acceptable for women to find insecure/emotionally vulnerable men hot. I feel like I'd get guilt tripped to high hell if if admitted this preference too by moralfags calling me "creepy" or "a literal abuser".
No. 343985
>>343741Idk if anyone cares but I'll post an update:
So I messaged him a long message summarizing my feelings and everything I said here. He called me and we talked about it. He explained that when it came to the candy he said he didn't realise the specific type of candy was that important, just that he showed effort in trying to get it and was able to send me some type of candy. He video called me from the store and asked me to pick what flavors I wanted when he was getting them. I told him by him calling me to do that instead of just following through and getting the specific one I asked for its almost defeating the point of me asking him in the first place. He says he understands now that when I ask these things of him even if the thing asked is insignificant, that it is important to me it is followed through with to the end. About the birthday stuff, he says no one in his family does cards or much for anyones birthday so it never occurred to him to do these things and he would never expect or really want me to do things for his birthday either, but he will do better next time. He says for him physical items are next to meaningless, he isn't a material person and that's where the disconnect came from. I'm satisfied with this personally and am willing to see if he improves
No. 344221
File: 1691792587508.jpg (72.43 KB, 301x340, angry-puppy-1.jpg)
I hate my dumbass boyfriend so much. He wants to break up with me because we don't fight enough. We're a pretty harmonious pair and living together has been great in my eyes. However, last night he told me that he's unsure about our relationship because I'm not as feisty as other women he's dated. He says he feels passion from fighting and I just can't make that make sense. He misses having wild make up sex like he did with his exes.
We go on multiple dates a week, we have sex, but that just isn't enough for him. I don't know if he's just looking for an excuse to break up or if some men just love to chase tumultuous relationships on purpose and get bored of those that are conflict-free. This is just perplexing to me.
No. 344232
File: 1691800245654.jpg (246.7 KB, 897x879, 1684943438370.jpg)
the advice thread is locked and no one's made a new one so im posting this here sorry how do i stop thinking about an ex-friend? we had a pretty dramatic falling-out, and i still have so many things i want to say to them. im still angry and replaying everything that happened in my head. i just keep hate-reading their social medias, and it doesnt help that they post about me a lot so i have an incentive to check what they're saying about me.
No. 344242
>>344221Yeah, sounds like he wants out of the relationship but is too much of a pussy/ afraid of being alone to just outright leave.
The real perplexing thing here is why have you not dumped this guy already? Your relationship seems like a waste of time.
No. 344255
>>344239Nice work! That is always the first step. I'd also suggest you write a long letter, physically on paper, saying everything you want to say to her, and then put it in a blank envelope and put it in a post box. The act of getting the words out and 'sending' it to her will help you to feel like you're releasing yourself from that dead relationship.
It's really hard to loose a friend, especially if it's due to arguing. You'll be better without her and some day you'll stop thinking about her as long as you keep no contact. Good luck anon!
No. 344420
>>344419ohh.. a big negative that I forgot to specify is that we've been texting (a bit) and it's been super dry
I hope we can develop some kind of chemistry by going on a date
No. 344425
>>344423>>344420>>344424OK.. Maybe I should cancel the date, it's true that it seems foolish with all the redflags
But I also haven't ever been invited on a date so I thought I could try
and also I didn't want to hurt his feelings, and kind of give him a chance..?
I guess I can just go on that one date and not go again? Canceling would definitely hurt his feelings
Or should I just invent something not to go?
No. 344426
>>344425>kind of give him a chanceyou give him one chance and he'll think you're his property for life. please don't even try
>Canceling would definitely hurt his feelingswhy do you care about an incel's feefees
>Or should I just invent something not to go?if you think that's better (to not upset him and cause him to go apeshit) that'll work too.
No. 344430
>>344429>>344426Alright, I'm just going to cancel it then, say I have to do some work for my mom or whatever
I just hope he won't want to reschedule, I really don't want to hurt his feelings, what can I do if he asks me when's the next time I'm free?
I should've just asked myself if he was worth dating BEFORE texting and all with him..
No. 344435
>>344433Alright that's what I'm going to say
"Hey I appreciate your invitation but I think this friend group is very nice and I'm afraid if we date it might put a bad vibe in it if things go wrong. I'd be happy to see you as friends in that context though!
cat gif"
No. 344445
File: 1691964022817.gif (5.47 MB, 500x500, pepe-frog-shrinking-eqbqa8jgcv…)
>>344435You're trying too hard to spare his feelings but yeah that's fine. Don't let him argue with you or try to come up with reasons it won't hurt the friend group or whatever. It would be funny if you sent it with this pepe instead of a cat gif
No. 344508
>>344502you should pick the one who is
- the nicest (calm, patient, generous, loving)
- the richest
- the more enclined to have children
No. 344565
File: 1692034448074.png (90.21 KB, 650x480, wahhh.png)
nonnas, i want to break up with my boyfriend because i'm bored of our relationship but i still love him. this is my first serious long term relationship so i have absolutely no clue if what i'm feeling is normal and how to approach the topic of breaking up.
okay so i've been with my bf for 1.5 years, known him for 2 years. i like him because he's also autistic and weird like i am, has the same retarded humor and is genuinely a nice guy and treats me well. when i met him he went to parties, met up with friends and took care of himself.
now lots of things annoy me in this relationship:
>became a lazy slob, his flat is straight up disgusting (only cleans when i complain that i won't come over to his nasty place)
>never does anything except working, eating, scrolling twitter and sleeping the whole day
>doesn't go to the gym despite paying for a membership
>his reason for doing nothing is that "he's tired from work" (he only works 4 days a week)
>we meet up once a week and do nothing except stay in his nasty flat, watch netflix and order food
>i'm always the one initiating fun activities, recently i suggested that we go on a short vacation abroad and he agreed but doesn't care about helping me plan the vacation so i dropped that plan
>says he is socially anxious as if i never suggest things we could do at home like playing games or cooking
>conversations are becoming boring, he has nothing to talk about except like making jokes and shit
if he wants to live like this that's fine but i can't imagine a future with him. i'm a quite active person since i used to be severely depressed for years and also did nothing the whole day so his lazy lifestyle bores me. he also can't understand why i don't want to move in with him kek.
i feel like i put too much effort into this relationship. he seems to really love me, he tells me he loves me several times a day but his actions just don't show it. i'm exhausted and i feel like a carer or a parent, not like a partner. because of that i barely feel attraction towards him anymore (also i feel bad for saying that but he gained some weight and it makes him less attractive).
i also just don't seem to have any interest in relationships right now, i want to focus on my studies, work and my hobbies.
i need to break up but i don't know how to tell him? i'm getting nauseous just thinking about it. but when he texts me i keep thinking "he's such a funny guy" and i just feel so guilty for feeling this way. maybe this relationship can be saved and he'll change for the better? maybe i expect too much from him? any advice is appreciated ty nonnas
No. 344576
>>344565I’m leaning towards yes break up bc ime men like this don’t change.
It’s worth communicating with him first what you want in a partner and ask if he’s willing to pull his weight. If he doesn’t talk with you about it like a regular adult then leave.
No. 344598
>>344572I wasn't there to hear in what manner and tone he said those things but to me it sounds like he made an exaggerated claim as a way to vent and express his feelings and/or for shock value.
>>344577>>344577Stop white spacing after you quote, your posts aren't supposed to be recognizeable
No. 344733
>>344716The second the word bitch leaves a mans mouth in relation to you should be the second the relationship ends. Doesn't matter if it was over something stupid or big.
>to everyone else I should leave himAnd do you think everyone is wrong? How is leaving too hard in an LDR? He poses no threat to you. I'm not going to say LDR isnt real, it is. But it does have the benefit of being so much easier to cut off if it goes bad.
Your choices are get used to dating a pig or leave. He will not change. This is your future if you stay with him
No. 344743
>>344733sorry; I want to clear up when I said “again” I meant that we lived together before but I left to finish school in my country and now that I’m done and he wants me to come back.
I can’t forgive him calling me a bitch, but after our fight he thinks our problems will be solved if come back. I feel so disgusted
No. 344873
File: 1692175498904.jpeg (111.74 KB, 1501x1001, F3YYOq3b0AE6NwZ.jpeg)
I'm wondering if it's possible for a guy to be more masculine if you ask, or if it's just something innate. I've been dating a guy for a couple of months and technically he is really nice. He bought me flowers, brings me snacks, asks me to hang out, calls me. But he is really childish and "girly" which is a huge turn off for me. He even expressed he doesn't like being in masculine position to me and said he'd like to be a househusband (later on he said it was a joke, but it didn't sound like that to me). I usually end up ordering stuff for us, when a guy comes up to me when we are out he hides behind me, makes weird childish sounds in conversations, complains about the easiest stuff at his work, just seems very emotional. He already said he loves me etc. I don't wanna break his heart and make him upset, and I like how he is the one pursuing me and putting in the effort, but I can't get past how girly he is. Is it fixable or should I dip out?
No. 344888
>>344878The way he acts is not really "bad", just unattractive to me. There are girls who are into that, but I'm not one of them. He acts childish and feminine to be "cute" to me, but I don't find that cute. The other day he visited me at work to bring me snacks, he sat on the floor next to my desk. I told him that there are chairs nearby, and as a response he literally lied down on the floor. All while my coworkers were sitting by their desks. That gave me such a huge ick, I didn't bother texting him for a couple of days.
Maybe I'm too concerned with gender roles, but I cook for him and listen to him rant/complain for hours (which he clearly expects), but he can't even say anything when a guy comes up asking for my number, or someone comments on my looks? Idk. He doesn't put a lot of effort into his appearance, pulls up to a restaurant in anime t-shirt (I love anime but why dress like that to a high-end restaurant…), while I try my best to look&smell good for a date. I think the whole "househusband" thing is just an excuse for men to be lazy. He literally hasn't washed windows in his house for years and can barely put together average pasta.
No. 344917
>>344888How old is he? I'm just curious. He sounds adorable but usually people of either gender don't act like this past mid20s-ish so that might color my opinion.
I agree with the other replies, you should break up with him since you don't like him.
No. 344938
>>344221kekkkk if this is real what a fucking retard.
>>344225I'm not from a place where guns are normalized (or even legal) so take with a grain of salt I guess but I really wouldn't feel safe with a guy like that.
No. 345078
File: 1692271950937.jpg (6.42 KB, 275x235, 1684014601794.jpg)
I've been seeing this moid for about a year. We get along most of the time. The only time I really have a problem with him is when he flakes on plans/makes empty promises. This has been my biggest issue for the past year.
He will promise me something (coming over, watching a movie with me on discord, making me art, even my christmas gift lmao) and then not do it. Two weeks ago, he spent the entire week telling me he would come see me at some point. Then on Saturday, he says he's coming over that day. He originally said he would come at 7 and then kept changing the time until he said he's too busy gaming. I was livid until he came over the next day.
Then last week, he promised he would call me on Wednesday and then kept changing the day until he finally called me on Sunday. He's been saying he values his alone time and that he doesn't really enjoy calling
This week, I confronted him about it. I told him I feel like his recent behaviour is how you treat someone you don't really care about/respect. He told me he's sorry I feel that way but it's not his responsibility. He says that it's not a coincidence that the most unstable person he knows (i struggle with my mental health but i'm in therapy and have a really good support system) is the only one that had a problem with his behaviour. To sum it up, he basically said im too emotional and im asking for too much
So i've been sitting here for the past day, questioning myself. I'm wondering if I'm being overly dramatic and asking for too much. I don't know if my feelings are valid and maybe I am just being too sensitive. I wanted to ask some nonnies on what they think about this situation and what they think i should do. I would really appreciate it
No. 345083
>>344979Not much you can do about it now, I mean even if you talk to him about it and convince him to play such characters it's not like his lusting after his ideal is gone with it. But if you break up just don't date guys who play gamees again. That's what I do, not exactly for those reasons you listed but after dating a few of them I realized how unattractive and annoying it is to be with a guy who wants to game 3-4 hours most night. Sorta OT but it's almost impossible to be into gaming and not be addicted to it so it's better to just avoid dating them. imo.
>>345078>his recent behaviour is how you treat someone you don't really care about/respect.You're right and don't let him tell him otherwise.
No. 345091
>>345078> he basically said im too emotional and im asking for too muchBig fucking red flag. You were not asking for too much and please don't let this moid tell you otherwise.
He's an ass and you deserve someone who can give you what you need in a relationship (and don't worry about being "too much/needy" because these days it's an excuse for moids to keep things casual and not put in any effort and make you believe that there's something wrong with you). You say you've been seeing each other for a year but please ask yourself how much longer you are okay with his behavior. I know it's hard but you should find someone who doesn't take you for granted and can fulfill your needs or else this whole thing will just leave you exhausted and empty. Do you really want to be with someone who can't follow through with plans and makes you question your own feelings and needs? You could be with someone who puts effort into seeing you and reciprocates your feelings and doesn't make you feel bad for simply communicating your needs. He puts video games before you. He doesn't deserve you.
No. 345148
My relationship is perfect in everything except sex, I have a pretty high libido and wish we could enjoy thrilling semi kinky sex together (nothing violent or degrading, just actually passionate and heated and experimental sometimes) and my partner has almost no libido and zero interest in foreplay or trying different things or even positions, he will literally flip me back to missionary when I want to try something slightly different, and usually just starfishes half asleep. I’ve tried for years to change it in every way possible and it’s just impossible, I have tried everything to get him excited and tell him what I wish we could do but he has zero interest despite that he loves my appearance, he has almost no drive.
I ended up by chance recently meeting a ton of friends who all have these very open, passionate, exciting sex lives and various forms of open relationships. It’s become really clear to me that tons of people—mostly other queer women, who I’ve never been able to really be with much before due to my homophobic family growing up—would actually want to do the sort of things I want. It’s shocking for me to even see that people can look at me and viscerally desire me passionately after never getting to experience that. But I don’t want to date any of these people or replace my partner with them. I don’t know how to bring up to him the idea that I want to try dealing with our mismatched sexual urges in this way and be able to express my attraction to other women without destroying our relationship. Am I just obligated to give up the idea of being sexually satisfied and feeling wanted and engaged with sexually? And I refuse to believe the relationship is doomed just because of this one aspect, I think everything else is much more important, so breaking up is not on my mind whatsoever. We could easily have an extremely happy life together. But he’s simply not someone who is interested in sex, and I am. Is it even worth bouncing the idea off him or would it just break his heart and ruin the good things we have?
No. 345179
>>345101>>345102It's so fucking wild, and I'm so sceptical of him, I don't know her on a personal basis so I cannot confront him, so I'm hoping our mutual friend does something. It's also kind of pathetic on her end, she's a few years older than us (30+), and has been in multiple relationships so I don't understand how you can stoop yourself to that level.
>>345106He's half black(?) and half latino iirc, I don't know exactly, but they are both children to Immigrant parents, however born here in the west.
No. 345411
>>345410>how do you supposedly cause him pain and anxiety?By asking him about stuff a lot. Especially about his feelings, he doesn't think that understanding his feelings is important and argues accordingly. Sometimes I think he's the NPC meme where the NPC is asked about why he doesn't like X and he just gets angry kek.
I get really frustrated with him because of his actions sometimes and he says "I can't change, it's just how I am" but he also pressures me into changing myself for him. He justifies it by saying that my behaviour is actually aggressive and harmful while his is just "neutral" (while I could possibly classify it as passive aggression).
He's been really nice to me though and supported me through tough stuff. He just says he's tired of trying to change me and is out of energy to help and care for me. He says he wishes the best for me but he doesn't actually show any care at all (again, justifying it by saying he's tired).
>Why is he still with you if he loathes talking to you that much?He's considering breaking up with me, but he's on a vacation right now and when he'll be back we'll spend some more time together to see if it could work. He doesn't believe in it though and says I can't do shit to make him feel better (although I've offered him my help and encouragement, he says it's all pointless and I'm just useless for that).
No. 345420
>>344419Update : I rejected him and I don't regret AT ALL, I've seen him in group settings other times around and he was unleashed creepy, like we were out playing badminton with two other friends and at the end he said "sorry I wasn't able to focus, some girls running at the park had really good running abilities.."
Sexual predator vibe
No. 345479
>>345415That's really manipulative of him. (and yet he calls me an incredibly manipulative and
abusive person since I dare to show my emotions)
>>345438>>345443Yeah, I can see why it's the best course of action. Sadly it's very like a withdrawal, I miss everything good that's happened between us.
I'll try to tell him it's over when he comes back from his vacation (on Monday) since he prefers to deal with such matters in person instead of in text. Thank you nonnies.
No. 345488
File: 1692463637237.jpg (31.15 KB, 488x557, ab561c28084082865d8832d7c36211…)
Retarded comparison but my boyfriend so much like Mr. PB. He's sweet, optimistic, charismatic and is always down to have fun. But he's materialistic and avoids talking about any emotions whatsoever. I don't know what to do. I'm going through a hard time right now and recently when he's been visiting me and I'm not really happy or feeling good he seems to take it personally. He's not doing anything to make me feel bad or uncomfortable and he has opened up more since we got into a relationship, I love him but I can't help but feel we're just very different people. I don't want to break up, we'd both be heartbroken and there are plenty of times that have been and are great. Materialism isn't such a big problem as his emotional.. nothing. He doesn't open up and it leads to awkward situations between us. We're happy together but I can't just be sad around him because he doesn't know what to do with it, the best I get is 'that sucks'. What do I do?
No. 345718
Bf and his level of commitment to me are confusing, can you guys help me understand our weird situation a bit better?
Things he does to show commitment:
>Very loving, kind, giving, attentive always. Perfect boyfriend, has been for 2+ years which is why I want to marry him
>Wants me to move in with him any time, supports me having a career if I want but says he would also be fine with me being a "stay at home girlfriend" because he has plenty of money and just wants time with me
>Always asks me how I want his house renovated, has let me make major house renovation decisions
>Pictures of me all in his house, keeps my stuff in all of his bathrooms, built me a vanity in the bedroom, makes me feel very at home in his house
>Gave me one of his credit cards to use
>Always asking me for my opinion before he makes lifechanging decisions that will impact his life
But:
>Haven't met his parents or sister yet (he says they're super judgy and he just didn't want them being rude to me)
>Won't propose (Says he wants to be married eventually, but we need to work on our communication first)
I'm just so confused by the way he's doing stuff. I'm moving in with him at the end of the year, and he's already trying to pay all my bills, spoil me, include me in major decisions in his life, but he won't propose? Does that make sense to any of you?
No. 345802
Advice needed, nonas. I've learned in a major argument this weekend that the man I've been dating for 8 months has some pretty backwards, sheltered, and offensive beliefs.
He thinks that
- modern feminism is about women receiving better treatment than men
- women in the US have it better than men do
- it's more socially acceptable to dunk on men than it is women
- objectification is not a problem (essentially saying that women are complaining about a non-issue)
In other ways he is tolerable in this regard - he has a great relationship with his mom, who is an awesome woman. (It's worth noting his family is very conservative, his mom is just a very sweet and smart person who I really respect). He acknowledges that I am just as smart and capable as he is (we go to school together). He participates cheerfully in housework, sharing responsibilities, etc. He is also pro choice. He doesn't watch porn, but has some ideas about it that we butt heads about (I think porn should not exist, he thinks that "some people who can't get relationships need it as a release").
I think a big part of this is he spent a lot of time on 4chan and reddit in high school and this predisposed him to that type of thinking. I have pointed out to him many times that I, as a feminist, share a lot of the beliefs that he does, and his response is always that I'm not representative of modern feminism…which he claims he knows because of what he's seen online/in the media about it. It's very frustrating, because I'll get him to agree with me on something, and I'll go "that's a feminist belief" and he'll go "well, that's not what feminism means now." In some ways he seems more radicalized than his parents - for instance, both his mom and dad were disgusted at how the female backup dancers were objectified in a concert they recently went to. I guarantee my Nigel would even think to take offense at something like that. So I think his internet habits may have radicalized him, and therefore he may be capapble of being de-radicalized.
I'm at the end of my rope. Unfortunately we live together, and for this and other reasons I don't think breaking up is the answer. It just sucks feeling like he thinks I'm being dramatic for attention when it comes to things like not wanting to be stared at in public by creepy guys.
Has anyone bothered putting up with this type of guy? If so, was the relationship salvageable? I had this amazing math teacher in middle school who basically pinkpilled me, and her husband was a Republican trucker dude. I always wondered how they made it work, and now I'm realizing I might be somewhat in her shoes.
No. 345821
>>345817We just didn't talk about it, idk. We have a lot of other interests in common and spend most of our time talking about those things. This sounds silly, but I found it a major green flag that he has a cat that he adores. I trust people who like cats, because it shows me that they're capable of respecting creatures that have boundaries and don't act the way the person might want them to all the time.
I think he's just never really had to challenge those beliefs. He's very respectful of me in basically every way, so I had no reason to think he thought differently than me on these points and that's why I was so shocked when this came up.
I don't think he's beyond hope. I think I could make him come around given enough time. He cooks for me, cleans up around the house without being asked, is very good at comforting me when I'm upset, and generally lets me take the lead in our relationship. He takes me seriously when I tell him that he does something that hurts me, and apologizes and takes accountability. I personally feel like he's largely pro-feminist, but just cringes at the thought because he watched too many "SJW cringe compilations" when he was a teenager. As long as I don't invoke the word "feminist," he agrees with me. I think he just has major issues with the word "feminism" for some reason, possibly his upbringing/where he hung out online.
No. 345822
>>345821Let me tell you something. Him liking animals doesn't mean he's a good person. My mother's domestic abuser liked animals but he was a real shitbag to children and women.
This person is not good for you and your basic moral views don't even align. It will NEVER work and you are dating someone not only uneducated with bad takes, but someone who will never truly respect you for being a woman and problems women face. You need to vet your next man a lot harder. Him having simple problems with the word "feminist" says it all. You're not dating a man…you are dating a manchild.
Run far or you will regret wasting your time with him.
No. 345954
>>345479I dumped him.
I don't know if it's good for us to stay friends after this, we both still have obvious feelings for each other. He also said I behaved just like he wanted (nice and sweet and etc).
No. 345966
File: 1692750615133.jpg (45.26 KB, 657x191, 34535243.translated.jpg)
>>345964I know this sounds awful but I'm just bad at paraphrasing, those weren't his exact words, his exact words (although machine translated) are in picrel.
He wished me well and he's coming over this morning to pick up his remaining stuff. He also wanted to take me shopping after that, if he won't be exhausted.
No. 346064
>>342103I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who gave their input.
We are divorcing and I have laid out the rules of the divorce. We are in a state where you can divorce amicably if both parties agree on how to split the assets.
I basically said that if he does not comply, I will get a lawyer and I will take the house.
I will be honest, For a few days after this post I still tried to make it work. But, on a phone call with him, I heard his parents shit talking me in the background. He didn't defend me nor try to stop them. It was the wake up call I needed to see how badly he treated me, and how low of me he thinks.
I'm doing better emotionally. I'm not going to lie and say it hurts. It does, but more in a way of mourning the death of a person that does not exist.
I feel relieved and relaxed. So that's good.
No. 346067
I know that this thread is mostly for romantic relationships, but I have a family relationship issue between my cousin and I.
We were really close growing up. She was 5 years older than I but we have always been super similar, including looks.
We both had horrible family situations so that also gave us something to bond over. Including cutting off family members and supporting each other.
I was married at the time, and she was married at the time of this incident as well.
We are both really into video games, so we had been playing a video game together. Think WOW or FFXIV, for example. She met a guy online and immediately became super secretive about him. Even sharing accounts with each other. This was really shocking because we were always open.
Other people in the friend group noticed this too. So they asked me to talk to her about it, because they also missed playing with her.
After I tried talking to her, it was brought to my attention that she began to talk horribly about my marriage issues, my personality, and even was planning on kicking me out of the friend group.
I tried to talk to her about this because obviously something isn't right. Instead she clung onto the idea that I was accusing her of cheating on her husband and now our relationship is irreparable. The accusation was never said, instead I was asking about why she had became so secretive.
She ended up blocking me on every social media platform, in the game we played, and everywhere. It made it seem like she was really cheating and was projecting it onto me.
After this incident, I told our friend group. And they chose to stick with me instead of her.
She began stealing people from the friend group to create a new group. Not a lot, maybe like two people out of 20 people.
But here's what I know:
- Whatever she told her new friend group about me, is weird. They absolutely HATE me. Which is weird because… I had always been the one to reach out and apologize first if I made a mistake.
- She has told something to her immediate family something about me that has made them turn against me as well. She is now acting close to them.
- Rumors were spread about me that I'm a doormat and I'm just a puppet to control? (This was weird because it says that they view me that way for some reason)
- Pictures of her husband's family have been removed from social media, they are not friends anymore from what it seems like.
- They seem to still be together according to someone who has her on Instagram. She posted a picture of her with her husband a week ago.
~
What I'd like advice on is what the hell exactly happened? I know I'll never know the truth. I don't plan on reaching back out to her. Although I miss her a lot. I'm happy seeing her around in game and having fun. I just wish it didn't have to be this way.
I feel like she reacted that way because it's true and didn't want me to tell her husband. But whatever she has told everyone is crazy enough to be believable and so bad that they completely shunned me out. Did she lie and say that I did what she is currently doing?
If anyone has had similar experiences, please share them.
No. 346069
>>346064I’m so happy for you! That’s really tough and I bet it was difficult but I’m glad you are relieved now.
I still think you should get a lawyer preemptively as there will be legal paperwork and I’d hate for you to be unpleasantly surprised by something he or his parents do.
No. 346130
>>346064
>I will get a lawyer and I will take the house.Your ex is calculating as hell and I guarantee he has one already and is discussing if there is any way to do exactly this, and is praying that you're actually naive enough to not to do the same.
Please do not talk to him or anyone or agree to anything again until you get a lawyer ASAP who will be aggressive on your behalf.
No. 346181
>>346138Time to move on and cut off contact, in my opinion. You're not his personal vent thread.
>What the actual fuck does he want to hear? Does he want me to pity him and get back with him?He doesn't want you back (he would've fought harder to keep you around in the first place), he wants the comforts you brought back. Companionship, easy sex, labour around the house. Until he advances a new relationship with a different woman, you're his best bet to get those things back. It's very nice and comfortable for men to live with women.
No. 346213
>>346192Neither, this is like the worst of both worlds.
>>346212I second this.
No. 346230
>>346211>>346213They kinda are lol but also I don't want to die alone and I'm an ugly autist, I literally can't do better and so I should be happy anyone likes me
>>346212Valid point kek
No. 346336
>>346316 samefag but more about the two guys:
>one ive been dating for about 5 years>broke up a few times because im immature and bpdfag>nice, bad at communication, wants to be with me >but is unsure about marriage, always has been (had fights over this but i feel now im too young to be married)>caring, supportive at times, not much of a backbone >i was his first and still am only gf, i pursued him>supports me, buys gifts occasionally and is thoughtful>is indifferent whether i like him or not, and says as long as im happy- never fights for me.>consistent for most part but not very bold new guy:
>met him at work>instant click, we pursued each other>loves me very much, is open about it and wants to show me off >sometimes hot and cold, has broken up with me before bc he doesnt feel good enough>lovebombs when im distant (sends flowers, gifts, and the occasional check in text when i ignore him or say i need space)>passionate but firey lover, wants to get married and have babies>tries REALLY hard to be the center of my attention, doesnt get upset when i ignore him but will beg for attention (sometimes i do this on purpose so he knows his place)theyre both great, one is a timid and quiet lover while the other is firey and passionate. I think my one life with the first would be normal and loving where the 2nd would be passionate and firey, ive described it to him as 'id burn your house down when im mad and then youd call the cops and theyd find us making love on the lawn and everyone would say 'its THAT couple again' but no one would be so passionate.' and he agreed its a good description. So basically, normal and lovely or passionate and firey?
(sorry for all the reposts, last one i swear lol)
No. 346393
>>346359>>346387Christopher Nolan's Oppenheimer had sex scenes which focused on a naked woman.
Was it a coomer movie?
I think you're both being extreme if your stance is absolutely no media which involves sex or (gasp) naked women, you're adults for God's sake.
No. 346398
>>346393That scene had no business being in that movie. It was completely uncalled for and only put in to sell tickets to coombrained men. So yes.
Not either of those anons btw.
No. 346407
>>346402That's exactly why it makes me so upset. Especially when I searched up the shows he watched and each one was full of naked women. It's supposedly for the story but in the end it's just fan service for men.
I think the main reason it hurts me so much is that I avoided watching/reading romance I liked because he said that it makes him feel jealous. Then I find out that every show he watches has naked women and sex scenes, while I was afraid to watch two men fuck. I feel like an idiot because I thought he was avoiding stuff like that too. So now I am trying to get revenge by watching shows with big dicks, but he doesn't even care.
No. 346415
>>346406Wear something in neutral colors if you want them to be timid/normal around you, too many colors can come across 'bold' and you seem quite shy/meek (not in a bad way) so wearing bold or bright colors with a shy/meek personality will come across uncomfortable or too shy. Wearing neutrals (navy, browns, black, whites and beiges) will help tone down the conversation.(I studied a lot of color theory and conversations)
Depending on what they like, you can buy a plant (not flowers, if they're judgey, they might value the price of the boquet rather than idea/thought of it), or some kind of sweet that they like. Plants are great because they give them the chance to grow and tend to it, think of it as tending to your relationship. Go with something leafy, treeish.
When you meet them, be VERY friendly and open, big smile and go in for a hug if your spouse does it, the more welcoming you are, the more accepting theyll be, even if caught off guard- just be warm, big smile and "Hi! NAME has talked so much about you! Its such a pleasure, how was the ride coming over?" Or discuss how the ride was easy coming over (even if it wasnt, do not make this a nusicience). When in doubt, remember to ask HOW, WHY, WHAT, WHEN.. if you can ask questions using those 4, the conversation will always flow. Hope that helps.
No. 346474
Hey nonnies i need some advice, i have a boyfriend that i love very much and who is really nice to me (who i also find EXTREMELY attractive) but for a while i've wanting to start OF bc i'm not gonna be hot and young forever and i kinda need the money…
Well i don't really NEED it, but it would make my life so much easier, i don't really make a lot of money and with the crazy inflation my country is going through i can barely do anything with my money and i've been kinda depressed bc of it, i can't save any money, it's usually all gone within the first 2 weeks of the month but i can survive bc i live with my parents, but i wanted to be able to go out more with him and also my friends to fancy restaurants or cool clubs, to be able to buy cute things for myself or things that i actually need (like skincare products for example), to be able to travel which is something i love doing and that is great for my mental health but i haven't been able to do since the pandemic, to be able to buy good weed that we both smoke, and also so we could rent a place together so i could finally get out of my parents house and we could finally be happy together, but usually with the money i earn rn that's not possible at all, every month i have to choose only one of those things to do, there are months that i barely get out of the house and i'm starting to fear that i'm wasting my 20's.
For example, this month i went out 2 times to eat with him and one time with a friend, got coffee at uni 3 times (i wanted to have it everyday bc it really helps me and it's just coffee ffs but i can't even have that), got some disposable pods and bought a face soap and that was it, money all gone.
I wanted the money not just for myself but for our relationship as well, so we could do more fun things together, i told him all of this already but he says he doesn't feel comfortable with me doing OF, he thins it's cheating even though i explained that it would be just work for me and that i wouldn't post nudes or anything like that with just maybe the ocasional titty flashing , we fought so much about it i kinda just gave up but ever since then i've had this thought in the back of my head about how much better my life would be, and how much happier i would be with a lit bit of extra cash, and then something weird started happening, before i could only picture my future with him in it, both of us with an enormous house on the country side and lots of animals, but now i can only picture myself alone traveling the world and living the craziest life i possibly can and maybe one day when i'm old that countryside house.
Idk what's going on… I really need help, what should i do? I'm scared of not having him in my life forever bc we get along really well and i truly believe he is the love of my life, but i'm also really scared of wasting my entire life bc i have no money and can't do the things i love and want.
No. 346503
>>346474This is bait. No one would think they could do onlyfans while living with their parents to literally buy SKINCARE and cute stuff. No one this dumb is gonna be able to study in uni like OP claims to be doing so.
Even if someone's thinking of onlyfans, they should realize that it's hard as fuck to get wellknown enough to even make minwage-tier income.
No. 346539
>>346497>>346484>>346479Geez i was just asking for some advice no need to be this rude
>>346492>>346491>>346503Actually I have a friend that does OF and she gets pretty good money and she started when i told her that i was thinking about it and she's not wellknown at all. Also am i a whore for posting bikini pics on ig where people can see it for free?! I'd be doing basically the same thing but charging for it.
>>346503And in case you didn't read it's not just for "skincare and cute things", it's for traveling, going out and also moving out of my parents, basically get a decent life. And also I'm top my class.
But idek why i asked you're all obviously just dumb and prejudiced and think everyone lives in America and have your ridiculous easy lives.
No. 346562
>>346556You asked for opinions here and got everyone in agreement saying why it's retarded and you shouldn't do it, and now you're just arguing with everyone about why it actually is a good idea and they're the retarded ones
Why do you want advice from a bunch of retards you don't agree with? Go slut it up, make mediocre money for a year before that dries up, and then you won't have a loving bf or your dignity either. Is that what you wanted to hear?
No. 346571
>>346552It's funny how you accuse Americans of living a ridiculously easy life but all the things you mentioned you want to do with the OF money you think you're gonna earn are luxury goods and activities that normal American teens/students pay for by working a shitty part time job. You're not exactly hustling to make ends meet. You must not be the smartest to not see the hypocrisy here.
Anyway have fun whoring yourself out for 1 subscriber I guess.
(infighting) No. 346575
>>346562I didn't ask for opinions, i asked for advice because i thought this was an advice thread, not to be called retarded, what is wrong with just saying "i don't think this a good idea"? And i'm also not trying to convince anyone that this is a good idea bc i'm not even sure myself, i'm just saying that the "you're not gonna make money" comments are not
valid bc i know for a fact this isn't true, i guess i was wanting some advice on how to cope with it, or how to get that off my mind, or how i could make money another way and still keep my boyfriend, ya know actual advice, but of course that was before i knew you were all yourselves a bunch of whores, now that i know i don't want anything from any of you other than just state how wrong and dumb y'all are
(baiting/infighting) No. 347082
File: 1693560311784.png (39.82 KB, 512x512, 9a0177f25fd515b4ef00e3c5f28bd6…)
Idk if this belongs here, I think I need more personal advice than perhaps relationship but I need to talk it out right now. It's about my first sexual intimacy experience, though no PiV sex was involved, i'm a virgin.
So last night a coworker and I got drunk. I found him funny and a little charming. He's pretty mid looking, and I mainly enjoyed how he looked in his uniform since it's more formal kind of wear. Anyways we went to a bar and started drinking and talking. The more drinks I had the more clingy I became and was holding his arms, hands let my legs rest over his. He clearly liked it though. We made it back to his hotel room and we kinda talked and cuddled, and picked me up jokingly, gave me a quick backrub and headrub. We went back out for a little bit walking around and came back to his hotel room.
At this point we talked a little more and cuddled and I gave him some quick pecks on the cheeks. Anyways we went to bed and I started dozing off and he started to rub my vagina over my pants. I didn't mind it too much it felt kinda good and then he started making his way to the front of my pants and told me to take them off. I told him I never done this before while he was putting his hand in my underwear and he said he knows. I took off my pants and then he slid off my underwear and he went down on me. Never had that done before and it didn't feel particularly good. He also wanted me to sit on his face and neither did that feel good. At some point I got down and I had fallen asleep. Sometime after I woke up and he was masturbating and using my hand, so I went along with it and tried to give him a handjob. BTW the entire time this was going on he kept asking if I was okay with what we were doing multiple times like almost every couple minutes. He rubbed me down there for a bit and then mentioned that I tasted good and I was good while I was rubbing him down there. At some point he started begging me to blow him and I told him idk it seems scary and he said it's not and stuck his thumb in my mouth. I then gave him head for a minute or two. It was interesting, not how I thought it would be but it wasn't horrible. Anyways he started rubbing himself and then we got more tired and just went to sleep. While all this was happening he kept saying he wanted me to cum but I just couldn't. He never came either.
In the morning I can't even remember if he started rubbing me again but I do remember rubbing his penis again for a little bit or that he'd put my hand on his balls while he rubbed himself off.
Idk how I feel about this experience. I'm in my mid to late 20s so I kinda figured I should at least try it out but I feel weird. I also don't know how I feel about the guy. He didn't seem as interested in me the next day than he did the day before. Wasn't very talkative but idk if it's cause he was majorly hungover. But he didn't even want to walk out of work together. He texted me back so I guess that's a good thing but still I don't think it'll end up as a real relationship, hes 14 years older than me and I'm not totally interested in having one right now. But I couldn't let go that he wasn't being as into me as before and I feel like I was kinda clingy with him today while at work.
I don't know what to feel right now. I kinda wish he didn't turn the the thing sexual (he mentioned before that he wouldn't) but I was giving him all the signals that I was into him so I don't think I can blame him. I wish I could have told him to stop the oral sex sooner or something. I didn't like it and even though he'd stop and ask me if I was okay with it I didn't want to be a buzz kill and kept saying I was okay. Idk if it's relevant or not but I work with different people every shift of my job, sometimes we can work with another person a couple times but for the most part I probably won't work with him for a while again. I'm also kinda worried he's gonna tell his buddies about this. I guess I have a lot of thoughts going on in me right now and I don't know how to process it.
No. 347129
My boyfriend doesn't understand my loneliness.
We love each other alot, but he sometimes seems really detached from the reality of my issues. He grew up in a happy and stable home, I had a rocky childhood and because of it have a mental illness that isolates me from making and keeping friends, but doesn't affect my romantic relationships too much.
Anyways, I am at my wits end of loneliness. I have no friends to hang out with, I don't get invited to anything and I never have any weekend or evening plans. He is very charming and has plenty of friends that invite him to stuff multiple times a week.
I'm scared it's making me resent him, that I sit at home crying and feeling awful, and he doesn't even text me any updates when he is out doing stuff (long story short; its events he cant bring me along to). I'm so lonely and I just spend every night staring at my computer in silence and wishing I was drinking right now.
How do I even bring this up with him? That I don't want his pity, but I do want him to try to actively plan more stuff with me in the evenings too and atleast check in on me and send me updates?
Also please do reality check me nonas, am I just being crazy and its not his problem at all to deal with?
Idk I'm in therapy and doing everyting I can, I don't want to make him believe I want him to baby me or that my own diagnosis is his problem to deal with.
No. 347190
>>347170Not to sound crazy but it wouldn't surprise me if he ended up being emotionally
abusive and depraving her until she became emotionally dependent on him just to abandon her, which would explain why she isn't able to go to job interviews by herself
Moids who date extremely co dependent women are never good news, maybe (and hopefully) it's just a long shot, but from what I've seen women who are too afraid of basic things are typically being abused by their partners
No. 347208
>>347202>>347196>>347190>>347170>>347169>>347162Thanks for all of your responses nonas. I slept on it and I still think it was a dick move on his part, but overall not a huge deal. Just needed to vent about it after a long day.
I'm a former agoraphobic and couldn't leave my house for many years. Because of that I wasn't able to drive, go to school, or get a job. However, I graduated college recently and started job hunting, hence why I was terrified about the interview (and the SoCal traffic too, tbh).
Looking at it from the perspective of self-growth, I think it's good he didn't go with me, but practicality-wise, it took me a little over two hours to drive the 40 miles back home which sucked fucking ass
Petty shit aside though I think I did alright in the interview. Fingers crossed.
No. 347218
I want advice on how to handle something that I'm upset about with my fiancé. He's away for the weekend for a trip he and his old college friends plan every year. That's not the problem here. The problem is that there were men working on our house while I'm there home alone. I have made it very clear that I will always be uncomfortable with any male professional working in our house while I'm there so they need to be planned around my schedule. Our house needed a lot of fixing up this year and too many times, he planned plumbers or repairs on days I work from home even though I tell him and he sees how anxious, sad, and annoyed I am about it. He works from home every day while I only work from home two days a week, which he knows so he can easily plan them to come on my in-office days, but he consistently doesn't.
So I was already upset about the work being done while I'm home again let alone on the weekend while he's away and I was hoping the workers didn't need to be inside, but turns out they did. I got off my WFH schedule early that day, but I didn't leave my home office at all unless they needed to speak to me so I couldn't relax or enjoy my early day at all. I messaged him that I was really upset about it and he did genuinely apologize and said he thought they would be done the day before he left for his trip. Then today, they came by to collect the payment which was over $10k USD. This came at a shock to me because fiancé told me he had informed them that he wouldn't be home and for them to come back when he is for the payment. Even though I can afford it just fine, he insisted on using his inheritance money to pay for the work done on the house so that's what we agreed on. I messaged him about them being here, but it took too long for him to respond and the guy collecting the payment was really pushy so I just paid instead. I know he can just pay me back easily, but I felt this was just an insult to injury about the whole situation. I feel like he doesn't take me seriously about how I feel being alone with strange men in the house. It's like in his mind they are just there to do their work and leave and that may be true a lot of times, but I don't like the risk. Plus, these men all knew I would be home alone since he had informed them before about it. He thinks something happened to me in my past or its just my anxiety, but I think I have genuine fears here.
So, I want to bring it up seriously to him when he comes back, but I don't know what he can do or say to fix it? Other than to say sorry and to really stop doing it in the future. I guess I feel like I want something impossible like to reverse time lol, but obviously that can't happen.
No. 347382
File: 1693830218488.jpg (82.6 KB, 640x640, ceca8306b7d70dcb11b5a35426a1cb…)
There's this girl I've known for the past 4 years (I'm 20, she's 19) and we dated briefly for a few months before I cut it off. We are great friends, we were really close from the beginning. We never argued nor had any problems and I ended the relationship because I was scared of losing her friendship if the relationship failed with drama. We continued being great friends and she clearly never lost interest. I had a few boyfriends (I'm bi, she's a lesbian) and she helped me through a bad breakup and supported me when I've seeked out guys to fill the post-breakup void. But after I broke up with this one guy she became really obvious in her affection towards me: saying "I love you" in a """totally platonic friends"" way, asking for kisses and holding hands, overall being very forward in her affection. I guess I've also felt something towards her. During this one party our friends asked me if I'm interested in someone and I've said yes, but didn't say who. After that when we were alone she asked who it is and I said it's her. She was very clearly happy and confessed that she never stopped loving me even after I broke up with her, but I still didn't want a relationship because I can see that it just won't work out with me and I'm scared of losing her, so I said that I can't. I have a boyfriend now, and when she found out, she told me that she needs to stop messaging me during the summer, so she can fall out of love. She said she doesn't want to be a creep who still has feelings for a girl who is taken and she cut off all contact for 3 months. Now with the new semester we are going to meet basically everyday in class. She acts pretty much the same now, but is a bit distant - like she doesn't know how to act around me. But she bought me a really nice expensive gift for my birthday. I think her plan to cut off contact for a few months didn't exactly work and she still has feelings for me. What should I do? Did I fuck up our friendship by being afraid of fucking it up?
No. 347426
>>347424Parents told me they'd help. Mom would move in with me so that I could keep working.
>cope with your loneliness without dragging a new person into it.This statement makes no sense. By definition, other people are the only cure against loneliness.
No. 347595
>>347569I don't want to view a relationship like a car. This is another person. And it's not like I don't know how someone lives before I live in with them. I could do sleepovers I can chill out at someone's house for a few hours at a time. I'm not in an intimate relationship with my best friend, but I know of some of the flaws in her marriage and how she's living (I think she's overworking herself a bit and I'm able to see her husband's Internet footprint due to his terrible OPSEC) but it really shouldn't take someone to move in with you after marriage to understand them. You can go into someone's house often and see how often and thorough they clean.
>>347578A lot of the stuff that really pushed me away from my ex of 7 years was stuff I found online months after I moved states away. It really doesn't have to be found when you're spending a 24/7 life with them. It just takes some OSINT knowledge, but I guess that's just me.
No. 347691
File: 1694057634943.jpeg (204.42 KB, 750x736, 20190225_155227_IMG_1506.jpeg)
My girlfriend leaves her shit everywhere; clothes on the floor, food wrappers, soda cans, her hobby paints and miscellaneous craft stuff take up half the bedroom, etc. etc. And because of it I end up stepping on stuff and then have to move it out of the way which makes her angry because according to her it’s an “organized mess”. I need to watch where I’m walking and leave things as they are because when something goes missing it’s apparently always my fault. I’m sick of being blamed for her losing and not being able to find things all the time when she makes no effort to organize anything. I’ve asked kindly in the past and have offered help but she keeps saying she’ll do it when she feels like it. I hate coming home and not being able to set my stuff down because the counter is covered in her shit and then I have to watch where I’m going so I don’t step on some small DIY project she left in the middle of the room. I obviously don’t want to break up but I’m about ready to lose it.
No. 347724
>>347691She needs to show some respect for your
shared space. Once you move in together, you have to maintain a level of cleanliness and organisation that is far above "organised mess" (which doesn't exist anyway, it's just copium for messy people). Shit like food wrappers, soda cans and clothes is especially unacceptable. Presuming you split the rent, you have every right to expect her to pull her weight and pick up her shit. Stop asking kindly and tell her to get a move on and clean tf up. I know this sounds mean, but I 100% believe that a clean environment is conducive to a clean mind. I've had messy exes in the past and it tanked my mental health; don't let it affect your mental health and downtime either, nona.
No. 347970
>>347928>>347954Really??? It seemed like a “if you liked that you should try him” but not bc she literally did that more like trying to help him by getting me to think about him like she must have noticed him. Like just before that he was “joking” about spanking me so maybe it was obvious.
Also why did he still ask me out after? Shouldn’t he have been embarrassed
No. 348017
>>347740I found his twitter accounts dedicated to his out of control porn consumption detailing fetishes he reached towards because "vanilla" stuff eventually wasn't enough. upon that, found the email account attached to that which revealed the OF account he had to subscribe to multiple women, the porn items (videos and pictures) he purchased from various models websites. the chaturbate account he had with the full history of all his chatlogs because they're attached to donations.
i presented all of this to my ex and my simple question was how much money did he spend on this addiction that ended this relationship with a future in mind. a few days later he said he could only add up funds from the past three years and got $4.5k. so each year, he spent approximately $1.5k on porn in some way. and behind all of that were so many instances where we had double digit dollars to our name every couple months. imagine the struggle we could've avoided if he didn't view women as purely sex objects.
No. 348167
File: 1694397109093.jpeg (102.39 KB, 754x595, 5A682DA3-036F-49B5-AAB8-3E6D13…)
Hi nonnies, I really need some advice regarding my long term bf because I’m really struggling right now. We’ve been together 7 years since high school and been through a lot. As time has passed I’ve become more and more anxious and him more avoidant. It feels so one sided in terms of effort, to the point where it makes me question if he even thinks anything of me. I almost feel like I’m begging for attention or connection but when I bring up any problems it just makes him want to distance from me more. Then I feel shitty because it’s like I’m the only one having problems or that I’m too needy. So then I try to just keep it in until it becomes too much, rinse and repeat. It’s unhealthy, but I can only try so much on my end and not get anything back. I’ve really been considering breaking things off, but there’s so much between us and so much we’ve been through. Not to mention he’s one the only people to truly understand and not judge my neuroticism. I guess all in all I wanted to ask if any of you nonnies have dealt with a similar dynamic and general advice on how to handle it. Thank you for reading
No. 348245
File: 1694467095771.png (596.47 KB, 700x700, image_2023-09-11_232041481.png)
hi nonnies, i'm in a situation, and too much of a turboautist to understand how badly i fucked up by myself
>two highschool friends of mine were dating back in 2019, when we were 15~16 y.o
>their relationship went terribly and lasted 2 months
>ex-gf is kind of a bpdchan, ended up cheating on him and almost choked him to death, for some reason
>needless to say they broke up
>though they've both dated multiple other people after their break up, she did NOT move on
>fast foward a almost 4 years, he and i start dating, everything is going great
>but we're still hiding our relationship from the friend group and her
>though she's had her suspicions, she full on finds out when my bf accidentally calls me a pet name during a game night discord call
>and now she's freaking out
we've helped each other through a lot, though i've distanced myself, so i feel like i owe her
one the other hand, she's the only one responsible for fucking up her ex-relationship
i didn't think she would be so upset over an old tween relationship, but as i've mentionned she's kind of a bpdchan and i'm worried she might hurt herself over this
i don't know whether i should feel guilty or not, did i break some sort of girl code, nonnies???? how badly did i fuck up??? how should i react?????
No. 348307
I can't shake the profound emptiness I feel when I'm in a long term relationship. When I'm single, while I'm lonely and seek companionship, I don't get this big, indescribable empty feeling I do when I'm with someone. I chalked it up to most of my relationships being unstable to downright abusive, but the last few relationships I've had have been….fine. There's minor things that would annoy me about them but I just get bored of them. I have little interest in spending most of my time with someone, I like affection and I love sex, but long-term companionship just always seems nicer in my head than it does in reality. I'm in a relationship at the moment with a man who's lovely. He's sweet, caring, attentive, pretty much what you'd want out of a partner. We've been friends for years, I didn't go into this blind. The first few months is always great, I have fun, I love being around them. Then as soon as the dust settles I just…..don't want to do it anymore. I figured if it happened with this boyfriend then that truly meant either I was gay (given I'm attracted to women as well but haven't dated one long term) or I'm just not a person made for long term relationships. I don't really know where to go from here. I just feel unfulfilled and empty. Have any nonnies encountered a similar feeling?
No. 348313
>>348245Hiding a relationship with the ex of a friend who you are actively in a friend group with and have game night of discord with both parties is really rude. Poor girl got betrayed by people she probably considers her closest. Even if it was in the past, you both knew it would have been fair to tell her.
Maybe next time dont sneak around being teehee secrit relationship around your partners exes for the thrill
No. 348322
>>348313we did hide the relationship for other reasons, but you're right, even though we're not really friends anymore it would've only been fair to tell her at least. thanks for the advice
nonnie, i'll come clean to her
No. 348324
>>348317Samefag adding to this
>>348320 you could try applying some reverse psychology if you want to keep the spark. This is pick-up artist tier advice so I’m expecting some hate for what I’m about to say, but at the same time it’s normal human behavior. I’ve been dating my current bf for one year. We don’t live together yet but usually meet up a couple of times a week and during the weekends. I have both female and male friends (I don’t think having male friends is an issue as long as you don’t depend on them for meeting your emotional needs). Having male friends keeps him a bit on edge, but I’m careful about not over-stepping boundaries and make sure none of my male friends express sexual/romantic interest in me etc. I have activities I do with my bf, but we also have our separate interests. The slight distance between us keeps things from getting too boring and as a result sex is awesome. I’m wildly attracted to him because he is also independent from me with his own friends, hobbies, has an interesting career in which he excels, different skill sets from me, which in turn makes me respect him. I think it can be stimulating for the relationship to know your partner has other options, it makes him more attractive to you and vice versa. When we meet up it’s still exciting. At the same time, I have expectations for him; we hang out with his family frequently, he’s introduced me to his friends, invited me to work parties, we go on vacations together, he spends money on me, and there’s talk about moving together in the future, so I know he’s serious about the relationship. I think the challenge for us will be if we eventually move together, because right now the distance is what makes our relationship work so great. Ironically when we live together we will have to make an effort to create more distance between us, if we want things to stay hot. For this sort of arrangement to work out you both need to value your individuality and lean into the unknown a little. This could not have worked with my ex because he was very insecure, and I accommodated his insecurities way too much. As a result we were literally best friends, but there was no sexual spark. While I love my current bf he is not my best friend, because I have my girlfriends to fulfill my best friend needs, while he fulfills my bf needs kek.
No. 348491
>>348488Anon… I'm so sorry but he sexually assaulted you. The moment you said no he should've stopped what he was doing. Going from never having french kissed before to having full on sex is moving crazy fast, especially if you weren't ready for any of this.
>I ruined his night he couldn’t sleepBoohoo, poor guy couldn't sleep after he pressured a virgin into letting him put his dick in her. Never see this guy again, he's a rapist piece of shit.
No. 348512
>>348488He is not respectful of you, please seriously consider not seeing him again.
>he said I needed to make him cum or he would get blue ballsThis is not true, he's full of shit. Blue balls is not real. He's wheedling and deceitful and pushy. Keep your distance before you get seriously hurt. Listen to your feelings. Cuddling and kissing should make you feel happy and floaty afterwards, not conflicted and sad and guilty. This is his fault not yours.
No. 348767
>>348488He sounds like he was legit trying to rape you. I'm sorry. I agree with others that you shouldn't ever see him again, he sounds creepy as shit. The hotel thing was the first red flag to me, that's bizarre to me and I don't know why at all you'd need to be checked into a hotel instead of at his home. He is a manipulative person, not just because of the blue balls lie which is shitty. I honestly feel angry reading this and in my opinion he deserves to die. The least you can do is never speak to him again.
>>348494You weren't sending out mixed signals, you were responding to the weird ass shit he put you through. Checking you into a hotel? Escalating from cuddling and kissing to trying to put his fingers inside of you, and then trying to put his penis inside of you? He's the one who doesn't understand signals. If a girl doesn't want a finger in her, what made him think she wants a penis inside of her after saying no several times? Guys pull that shit all the time where they think a girl's 'no' doesn't mean no because she wasn't also hitting him and screaming or something. Never see him again. The fact that you were clearly uncomfortable and you wanted to leave and he made you stay to make him cum is disgusting. It's almost making me seethe. Rapist behavior.
No. 348787
>>348786Well I thought I would only like older guys. But yuh it's the lying. He was scared I would only see him as a kid if I knew his real age and I guess he was right.
He's the best bf I ever had, cooks, cleans, brings me snacks, financially responsible. I guess I was just shook and surprised?
No. 348877
>>348825It depends on what kind of change it is.
Are you doing something this person is observing to you as self destructive? Is there truth to this statement of it being self destructive? Do you have an issue struggling with this fundamental aspect or lifestyle you live? Does this person really show they care about you? Reflect on if this change is something that will benefit you in the long run, if it's a yes, then I say go for it.
No. 349005
I've been in a relationship for over 5 years now. We get along and we barely argue, even when do it's never a big fight. This is relevant because all my life all I've dealt with were fiery arguments with a lot of screaming, cussing and violence. My family is insane and full of alcoholics, my past relationships were equally broken, manipulative narcs with a ton of drama. So this current relationship feels like heaven, he respects me and supports even my most retarded obsessions. My only issue is that we haven't had sex in years, part of it is my fault, I was sexually assaulted in the past and sometimes just the thought of sex repulses me. He's always been supportive and understanding and never pushed anything, even if we don't have sex we are very affectionate, we hug, kiss and cuddle all the time. He's been sick and that drained any libido he had. I was understanding ofc, but it's been too long. I kept pushing this to side as if it wasn't an issue, but honestly the less I tried caring about it, the less I feel like having sex with him again. I'm afraid we got to a point we won't recover. I've been fantasizing about sex with other people and I feel awful, it's purely a fantasy because I know I would freeze if someone else touched me. In my head I feel safe to fantasize, but I've had sex enough times with enough people to know how I feel about the real thing. I would never cheat on him, I would rather end my relationship, but I would be lying if I said it hasn't been bothering me. I feel bad for complaining because he's been so understanding in the past. Just to be clear we had plenty of sex in the past and it was great, I feel good with his touch, which is something very rare for me, I'm usually pretty repulsed by people's touch, even friends and family.
I wonder if there is a chance we salvage this or if I'm just lying to myself. Even if he recovers and his libido comes back, I'm afraid it's been to long for me to get used to sex again. Part of me didn't care about not having sex, it felt safe even, but then another part of me started to fantasize. It grew slowly over time and now I realize it's way too frequent on my mind. I just want to know if there is hope. I can't talk about this to anyone and I feel insane and alone in this matter.
No. 349011
>>349005How long has he been sick? And do you not have any kind of sexual contact with each other (oral, using your hands, etc) or do you just not have PIV sex? And most importantly, have you tried talking to him about these things?
Don't feel alone, this is actually a pretty common issue in longterm relationships. Right now you two are basically friends that cuddle and kiss, but if you still love each other you can definitely reawaken the spark with some effort. The most important thing is to be open about how much this weighs on your mind, because even if he doesn't have a libido because of his illness, it doesn't mean that there aren't other ways to be intimate with you and make you feel good and desired.
>I feel bad for complaining because he's been so understanding in the past.You aren't complaining, sex is one of the most important parts of a relationship. Going entire years without it is rough as hell. He sounds like a good guy, so I'm sure that if you talk to him about this he won't think you're annoying or naggy.
No. 349050
>>349011Thank you, nonna. He has been sick for about 3 years. Started with headaches and escalated to a point his nose would bleed from them. I actually spoke to him about my frustration and he was really understanding, but there is nothing he can do right now. He's on a treatment with a strong medication that really fucks him up, he lost some nails and gained some weight, that really puts him down because he used to be active and in good shape, now he feels disgusted by himself and feels unwell. He feels no libido at all. We haven't done any form of sex. He is very affectionate and shows love and support in every way he can, every single day too. I would like to be by his side no matter what, he helped me a lot even back when we were just friends, so I'll be by his side even as a friend but I just fear I've been lying to myself that this is still a relationship, I wonder if this long hiatus will kill it and we'll be stuck in this limbo. I know many couples go through these kind of stuff, diseases happen and shit happens, but I'm extra worried because I'm already really
problematic when it comes to sex due to my trauma, I fear I'll just never be able to do it again. It's probably a stupid thought, but it still worries me.
No. 349077
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I'm in an online relationship and my boyfriend is pretty needy to the point of me needing to be in a discord call with him all day everyday (we both do online work) and it's causing me a lot of issues and I'm starting to resent him. He isn't forcing me but I don't know how to tell him I need alone time too. My posture, time with friends and everything has been ruined because I need to always talk to him. He wants me to move in with him soon but I'm afraid I won't get any space to myself. I really want to live alone for once but I don't know how to tell him and it would be a waste of money we could save together. I feel like I can't be a person myself and I'm starting to impulsively enjoy fictional characters to have some space to myself. I feel awful, like it's cheating or something but I can't have a self or anything of the sort. What do I do? I'm a complete pushover so it's hard for me to ask for space.
No. 349083
>>349077Hi
nonnie, ive been in ypur boyfriends situation before as someone whos been in LTRs and had to be long distance due to schooling. First things first: you need to decide if you have the patience for this kind of relationship, if you want to put in the work with him, great, but realize its not going to be easy, changing habits take work and his feelings might be sore.
Now if you decided to put in the work- take a pen and paper and outline boundaries and analyze your emotional needs: can you do a phone call in the morning and night to supplement? do you want a phone call a day? more texting? less contact? what is important to YOU right now? If he likes you- he will be hurt but understand meeting your emotional needs. Third, write down your non negotibles (no calling during work, if he misses you- look into things like snapchat where he can send photos or videos in the meantime, and you can view it at your own needs. Final step- text him or call him about the boundaries you've established and non negotibles, tell him how you feel about him and reassure him you don't love him any less- but its starting to impact your work performance and you understand his love language is time spent together, but you also need time to yourself to be a better and more active partner. And shut him down on living together soon- he will get excited and the longer time goes, the more you will deal with the dramatics (i know because ive been there as him) and what helped to come to a mutual understanding that you love him very much, but you are young and would like to grow together as indivuals and establish your own identity first before moving in together, he can still sleepover (if YOU would like) but you need your own space to grow and express yourself in. The best advice I had from my grandparents was never to move in together until you're engaged- sleeping over sure, but not moved in.
No. 349108
>>349066>I don't think he means it literally.That was a feeler to test if you'd be open to dating him, phrased in a way that could be easily passed off as a joke if you had responded negatively. Don't be naive.
>>349077>>349100She's never going to learn to stand up for herself by using fake excuses. She needs to be honest and firm about her boundaries without trying to justify them to him.
No. 349122
>>349108Yeah. It sounds mean but her relationship is online only so if she’s giving up her time to him to such a degree that it’s affecting her life negatively then that’s her fault. Hang up on him. Don’t be a doormat. She has total control here but she’s not exercising it. She’s over extending herself needlessly, that’s a bad habit that will follow her through life.
I do wonder why doesn’t he have a life to keep him busy that he can be on the phone all day. Idk. I thought we didn’t take online relationship questions here.
No. 349191
>>349077To add to this
>>349122 because I don’t want to make you feel bad: I totally get it I was the same way. You know this is bad and it makes you feel bad and you can change it! An online relationship is a great change to practice NOT being a doormat. No real physical danger. Step out of your comfort zone and exercise autonomy! Say no sometimes! It will feel great, like a weight of your shoulders. Your relationship(s) will be happier from it!
No. 349276
I was in a relationship with a porn addict for a little over a year. After an extreme depression and suicidal thoughts, I dumped him.
Fast forward to now, I have been dating a different guy for about 5 months. He has a foot fetish, which I'm okay with, but it seems like he only wants my feet. When we have sex, there is no penetration and he can't stay hard inside me. We resort to getting each other off, he lazily fingers me for like 10 minutes and then he enjoys my feet until he gets off. I started getting suspicious, and this morning when I set an alarm on his phone before I went to work so he would get up, I decided to check his deleted photos. I found a picture of a girl's feet screenshotted from Instagram. I think he knows her in person, he follows her. I also found screenshots of a "Mistress T", pictures of her feet. I don't know how to bring this up to him without him knowing that I went through his phone. Should I just explain that I'm getting suspicious of him due to our shit sex life? I need help nonnas. I'm sitting at work and I can hardly focus on what I need to do because I'm overthinking this. He has been fantastic to me so far before this and I have established my anti-porn stance and have been very vocal about it. To my knowledge he doesn't watch porn, but now I'm nervous.
No. 349289
>>349276Your sex life is shit which is enough reason to end things. If he can’t stay hard inside you or get you off with enthusiasm some other way then literally what is the point of a sexual relationship? he’s just using you.
He is basically looking at porn because feet are pornographic to him which is why he seems so pornsick. Don’t feel bad for for a second that you looked in his phone.
No. 349298
>>349291Yes they do exist but you won’t find them if you stay with this guy. You can’t fix him. A lover who doesn’t reciprocate doesn’t learn until you leave him.
It doesn’t matter that you looked at his phone, he broke your trust and you knew that at a gut level and simply confirmed it. I’ve said this here before but once you’re fucking someone and you’re in a long term relationship there is no such thing as privacy, you get to look at each others phones etc whenever you want. It’s so weird how this is not normalized. It’s like having a locked bookshelf in the house that your partner isn’t allowed to look at or know about. Weird.
No. 349312
>>349276>>349291I’m sorry anon, this situation sucks. A lot of foot fetishist are miswired to the point they are completely dependent on their fetish to nut. It’s not the same thing as having a preference for tits or liking “kink”, it’s a paraphilia where they can only get off to feet. I’ve heard so many stories similar to yours where there is essentially a dead bedroom situation going on except when the women are being used as masturbatory aid for their bf’s foot fetish, and their own needs are being neglected. Additionally these guys are always jacking it to random people or celebrities feet like your guy seems to. Such an exhausting way to live for the women who date them.
I agree with other anons that you should trust your gut feeling and cut your losses. If you do decide to stay with him then you absolutely need to follow through with your boundary the minute it is broken, there is no other way. Considering you said he was a virgin before you got together I would normally think there is a lot of room for improvement, but with his paraphilia the odds are against you. Do you really wanna go through with all the anxiety and emotional labor of dating another porn addict just to try to make this guy maybe a little bit more sexually functional? Even if he gets better in bed, he will likely always have a weird thing for feet. I promise you there are guys out there who enjoy normal vanilla sex, where there is connection and intimacy with their partner. It's hard to see how your situation could improve and you're just gonna end up mentally torturing yourself.
No. 349317
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>>349312>>349299>>349298>>349297>>349289Thank you beautiful nonnies for your advice. Honestly, I'm overwhelmed. I'm going to bring it up tonight, citing our shite sex life to spark the conversation about what he is doing. Depending on his response… I think I might end things. You guys are right. It's really not worth this horrific feeling in my stomach.
No. 349379
>>349276Footfags are honestly worse than porn addicts, because the "porn" is right there at their feet, literally. He's saving pics of local women's feet. He'll save a pic of children's feet, but it doesn't matter to him because the focus is that it's a fucking foot. Look at any YouTube video that contains weird fetish fodder, and look through the commenters who have playlists. More often than not the footfags, fartfags, sneezefags, shoefags, hairfags, etc, they had playlists dedicated to their fetish and there were children in there. Honestly, leave.
No. 349570
>>349561Are you living with your boyfriend? If not, it might be going as far as being sexually active with him could make his lizard brain reproduction instincts go "I already have this nest made, the next step is the offspring." Basically, he's already done all he needs, the perfect mate has been obtained, so really what does he need to do, functionally? Really nothing. It sucks when men are like this, which is why we have had some societal structures in place, like marriage and celebacy, so men will have to work on themselves and their temptations and communication to actually get this perfect mate, and make it less stressful for the woman as well, because if you just let a man under your wing, the break-off of him not being right for you isn't so catastrophic like most breakups are now.
My most recent breakup felt like a divorce. I had to do drastic measures and loose so much financially to cut all ties with my ex, and the one before that, because I had lived with them, we had bought items together, we had pets, and me or him moving out required us to decide on who's taking what and a whole bunch of shit.
I honestly don't know much of how your situation is, but it seems like you got woo'd. He oversold himself to get you to choose him and you're chasing the honeymoon phase. Keep laying down reality on him and what needs and wants you are missing in your romantic and sexual life he is able to reciprocate to you and he'll likely push away. I hope things can work out, but also understand he might not be that person in the beginning anymore, because he was living in the fantasy back then.
No. 349599
>>349591>>349570I'm living with him. When I talk to him about it he says he doesn't realize he's doing it less, and makes an effort for a few days to be more romantic because he knows I want him to, and then within a week or so it goes back to very minimal affection. I don't think he's self-conscious, but maybe I'll ask him about that directly and see if he is just unaware of why he's doing it.
Unfortunately I suspect it's what the other posters have said. He's getting too comfortable and taking me for granted. I'm not sure how to get him to be more romantic again if I'm right about that.
No. 349613
>>349561Stop everything youre doing for him, both pysical and mental task. Start putting all that energy into yourself. Start asking for more "help" from him, give him little or big tasks to perform for you.
Mem need to feel useful and to have to gain your approval to stay in love, they arent like women. A man hates feeling like he had you, its like they collectively have low self esteem and love feeling unworthy of a woman. The more a man provides/invests the more he will fall in love. Give a man everything and he will resent you. Make him earn you affection and he will cherish it. In a healthy relationship between man and woman, both are focusing on the woman.
No. 349632
>>349613Honestly depends on the man, my most recent ex hated when I "pretended to act retarded" for his help, or more rather asking for him to be responsible around the house. I'm praying
nonnie's boyfriend can prove himself to be the better man.
No. 349697
>>349670You need to work on your mental health. It's going to affect you long-term.
Aside from that, two things. First, men use the "swipe on any woman" tactic to see who they match, and after matching they'll message someone they might find attractive. This doesn't mean they actually like you or want to date you, they could simply want to hook up. They will also lie about wanting to be in a relationship just to sleep with you. I'm aware some nonnies will call me paranoid but I'm sure I'm not the only idiot who was ghosted after having sex with a moid who claimed he wanted a relationship. Second, if a man wants to ask you out after talking to you, he will. The phrase "if he wanted to, he would" is something you'll have to permanently keep in your brain every time you ask yourself why a man does or doesn't do something. A man who really wants to go on a date with you will ask you really fast to meet.
No. 349719
>>349613>>349632We had a good long talk about this yesterday. Men are retarded. He hadn't been complimenting me because, according to him, I am already confident, so he thought I didn't need compliments. I countered by pointing out that e-thots get hundreds of compliments a day and are some of the most insecure people out there, so compliments aren't really a tool to boost confidence. His other excuse was that he didn't think he had been doing it less - believing his own assessment of how often he's doing it more than he believes me telling him there's a problem. When I pointed this out he became very embarrassed and apologetic.
I will definitely be taking a page out of
>>349613 this
nonny's playbook, however. I've been doing too much and it makes me resent him for being lazy and him resent me for mothering him. He can learn that he has to earn my approval.
No. 349804
>>349785Give him an ultimatum. You're dealing with an addict. The monster must be tamed, but also understand he cannot be sober again unless he chooses to and communicates that with you.
How did you find out he relapsed?
No. 350031
>>349992girl, i just ended a relationship with a man like this. if you stay, you're just going to be more frustrated, beg for consistency, and cry wondering why your life is like this. it's best to leave him, find a cheap apartment and leave him to this one so he'll really have a light under his ass to actually do something for once.
i let my ex live with me so soon, him moving him was like a 4 hour show and tell session i should've had when we were living apart.
these kinds of guys will oversell themselves in the beginning, they're all talk and no show, theyre comfortable living miserable lives after all. i realized this morning my ex told me in the beginning of us meeting that he didn't expect to meet someone so wonderful, but also how i deserve better than him and i need to raise my standards, men like this will tell you the truth while also hold the idea they'll be that person you want them to be.
he's attached to that ps5, demand he not use the thing for a week, it's going to be a hard no without hesitation.
No. 350071
>>350051truly do not understand how or why people put up with scrotes like this. he's a literal manchild keeping you around as a bangmaid to make his meals and clean up after him while he plays video games all day, get out of there
nonny and find someone better.
No. 350075
>>350074I dont even know really. I love him and he can be very sweet and helpful but he procrastinates so hard its stupid.
If I try and say anything or speak to him like a grown up he fucking pouts and says I am being mean.
Like earlier today, I ordered food for lunch cos we don't fucking have any and he's not hungry doesnt want anything. He ends up having part of mine because hes hungry now he sees it. Apparently this is my fault because I know what hes like so I guess I'll be hungry until I finish work. He's asleep right now because be spent all day on his Ps5 and has work at 5pm. He says hes gonna clean tomorrow because hes got the day off but if I want to cook tonight I have to clean the table, do the washing up and go shopping and I even said that and hes like not my fault I was going to do it tomorrow.
Its not like I can leave, he can't afford to rent this place, I already pay more in rent since I have an extra room as my office so he can't even afford half.
No. 350088
>>350075If he loved you he wouldn't treat you like this.
>Its not like I can leave, he can't afford to rent this placeDoesn't matter. He's an adult and he'd figure it out if you weren't there. He had a life before you. You are just prolonging your suffering. Surely you know there's no future with this retard.
No. 350091
>>350088Retard is kind of my problem. I am a massive fucking autist, with like, the ear defenders sensory problems kind of retardation. Not many men really have the patience for it and he's mostly very sweet about it.
I try to be understanding since he has ADHD and I can understand how that affects ones life since I have comorbid ADHD with my autism, but at the same time I actually work really hard to be a functional adult and I pay money for therapy to help me find the best ways to work if that makes sense.
It feels like his ADHD is an excuse he knows he can rest on but it doesn't seem fair that he doesn't put in the effort I do to be an adult in spite of that.
I guess I just know I'm disabled enough to not even have to work, but I do anyways because I like being self sufficient so I have a hard time seeing it as an excuse.
I am dealing with so many health problems right now physically that doctors have been brushing off as girl shit since I was 15. I'm not the most mobile person as I am just generally weak.
But then I wonder if I'm just comparing our issues and because mine are worse in my mind, he should be able to do more.
Idk i think im a doormat sometimes
No. 350106
>>350091He's using ADHD as an excuse. These diagnoses with symptoms were initially presented as things to work on to be a functioning member of society. Clearly he's content with these symptoms and uses it to leverage his laziness. You don't deserve this at all,
nonnie. Theres going to be men out there who will care for you and they're not going to shower you with their own issues to make it seem like they'll care for you more because they can relate.
He cares a hell lot more for the PS5 than you because selling it when you leave to make up rent would be impossible for him. He'll be demanding you have the money instead of thinking about his easily replaceable possessions.
No. 350107
>>350091Just because you have autism doesn't mean you settle for whatever. You deserve a wonderful partner who loves you.
>Not many men really have the patience for itI'd argue that you need a partner who is especially emotionally intelligent, sensitive, and adapts to you more because you have autism. You should actually be pickier, not less because a man who doesn't understand your condition can easily make your life a tumultuous hell just by failing you every waking moment.
No. 350256
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My partner screenshots and saves pictures of women he finds on Instagram, Reddit, etc. He puts them all on a folder in his laptop. Almost daily. Sometimes hell crop them. It pisses him off when I mention it, which I can understand. It's obviously an embarrassing thing for him but it is for me too.
I'll admit now I was snooping. He says it's nonsexual and he just puts them in the folder and never looks at them again. Which does seem to be true. But he's still looking at them in the first place and then finding more.
He seems unbothered about it upsetting me though. It upsets me because he spends more time on that and its made me self-conscious. Once he spent 2 days hardly speaking to me but has lots of pics saved. He was doing it when I was in hospital and he had to leave, but I only knew this because of the timestamp on the file, which would've meant he was doing it publicly too (seen this on other occasions while I was with him)
I loved him a lot but tbh it's too much. It's such a creepy behaviour. There's a fuck tonne of it collected over the years. I know all men look at porn and thankfully it's pretty much just softcore images. I don't know if I'm overreacting or what to say. I want him to not do it. I want him to just admit that it is sexual and understanding how insulting it is.
There's no way it really isn't sexual. How could it really be ok?
No. 350266
>>350256Break up for your safety, this type of behavior means he's mentally ill, moreso than a guy who's just jerk off without obsessing and storing pictures of stranger women like he does.
Imagine if an ugly sweaty guy with a gf stored your picture on his computer, how would you feel? He's creepy and you're right to feel put off.
No. 350270
>>350256>He says it's nonsexual and he just puts them in the folder and never looks at them again. Which does seem to be true. But he's still looking at them in the first place and then finding more.Anon, please. He wouldn't save them in a folder almost daily if he didn't care. He creates a folder and saves them so that he can find them easily and jerk off to them again when he needs to. Please dump him and find someone who cares about your feelings. He doesn't deserve you.
>He was doing it when I was in hospital and he had to leaveDUMP DUMP DUMP
No. 350274
>>350272>>350271>>350270>>350266>>350259>>350268how can i even approach it with him? I want to atleast try again to get through to him. Hes always been lovely and a good bf tbh.
he claims its just a habit and doesnt wank. im pretty sure he doesnt but he might be thinking about them when we have sex etc
how could i check if hes shared my pics?
i should probably leave him but its finding somewhere to go.
No. 350280
File: 1695848913046.jpg (595.6 KB, 2670x2579, IMG_20230924_170732~2.jpg)
>>350274Samefag but he also saves pics of women from dating sites. I know how retarded I look. It's blatent what he's doing. He claims it's just for a laugh. He doesn't always hide it either. He's said it's habit from his ex wife who abused him
No. 350294
>>350280This is extremely disturbing, like potential serial rapist disturbing. Please find somewhere to stay for awhile while you get on your feet, you don’t deserve to be treated like this. Also “muh
abusive ex wife” yeah sure. Said every creep freak abuser moid ever. Run far away, nonna. This is really really disturbing.
No. 350297
>>350280>his ex wife who abused himOnly manipulative,
abusive men say shit like that.
No. 350298
>>350282people backed him up, apparently his ex wife cheated on him to do a lot of bdsm porn. There is proof of this and it does look genuine he was abused.
truthfully i feel alot
>>350294i agree. it always felt disturbing. although i can appreciate he doesnt look at anything too odd or violent
No. 350317
>>350301how can i even bring it up to him?
ill be homeless if i leave him, im not sure what to do. i also wanna hold onto the idea he loves me, he seems to have done a lot for me. Im not a retard im just ignoring the rational side of me that says run.
No. 350326
>>350317You’ll need to get him to recognize what he’s doing is abnormal, hurtful, and disrespectful. He needs therapy regardless if you stay together to figure out the cause of his creepy behavior.
If you want to leave start looking for new place. Plan your exit, and if possible, place yourself in an advantageous position. You deserve better and I hope you’ll make the right decision for yourself.
I dated coomer who did similar things and left him for a better man. You can always find love again No. 350353
>>350341You're staying with a man(older and divorced) who's admitted to saving pictures of women from dating apps therefore already using dating apps to cheat or attempt to do so at least.
You're probably retarded enough to sign up for disability paychecks. There's a reason his wife left and it's not because she's
abusive, it's because of his creepy behavior.
You unfortunately will put up with because you're fine being a literal at home prostitute while during sex he imagines fucking other women that leftswiped him on dating apps, kek. Imagine having someone admit they not only use dating apps but also save pictures of women from there to fantasize about. He knows he couldn't get those women so he settles for you because he knows you can't leave while he tries his luck with other women.
No. 350389
>>350378agree. he doesn't seem too clever. if she quietly looks for proof of where he's been she could find a lot.
>>350317>>350340>>350355Look up lists like this for more step-by-step solutions:
https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/how-to-leave-abusive-relationship
This may not be what you personally consider an
abusive relationship but if you don't have the resources to leave him you are trapped in a way and you'll need to follow the same advice an abuse
victim would. Reading your whole story you could definitely use the resources of a shelter or similar, please don't feel like you're not allowed.
Sorry you fell into this guy's clutches at a vulnerable time. It's scary to leave but you deserve a better life. It's confusing when you were a
victim of previous serious abuse and some kindness feels like love but this guy is no good please believe us. He's taking advantage of your mental state from being abused and he's manipulating you about this whole creepy situation, he's got you believing 2+2=5. Like the other anon said he probably uses escorts, wouldn't be surprising (how did he find you?)
No. 350390
>>350355Don't be embarrassed, most people get abused to certain degrees, although your situation is much more serious than you believe it is and that's why I typed it out like that. He can pass you stds if he visits sex workers and he can turn violent when you try to leave since he seems mentally unstable. Learn about the resources you can use and if there are any shelters for women, you can stay at if he ends up
abusive. Until then, try to search for a job that earns enough so that you can leave.
No. 350392
>>350389[samefag] redtext fucked up the link sorry but just look up "how to leave an
abusive relationship" and you'll find lists and helplines. The advice about planning secretly and collecting your personal documents and leaving while they're not home and NOT contacting them is very important. You have to make peace with it in your own mind and have confidence in your decision as well. I know this guy is not hitting you (I hope!) but he is so manipulative I would not try to have a regular break-up conversation with him, he will lie out his ass.
Honestly I hope you leave ASAP but it's also okay to just have this information in your mind while you save money if you can tolerate living with him longer (please keep your financial information secure from him and do not open a joint account or give him access or let him know your passwords.)
No. 350394
>>350355Don't let him see this thread, make sure he's not tracking your browser history through your google account or something like that (google logs all webpages you visit if you're signed in in Chrome and that can be accessed from your account separate from your regular browser history and would need to be cleared separately, also keeps a log of all your youtube searches/history in your google account fyi). If you have a shared computer make sure you don't leave a digital trail of your financials or plans to leave. Don't save passwords on a shared computer because most browsers have an option to reveal all saved password using only the computer login to access (you can use that to look in his accounts if you need to though).
You should be snooping on him constantly and secretly since you need to be able to form your own opinion about what he's doing, he's delusional and making excuses for himself or just a liar so you can't trust him.