[ Rules ] [ ot / g / m ] [ pt / snow / w ] [ meta ] [ Server Status ]

/g/ - girl talk

File(20 MB max)
(For post deletion)

The site maintenance is completed but lingering issues are expected, please report any bugs here

File: 1651408444442.png (1.22 MB, 983x872, 654656.png)

No. 260317

No. 260322

That thread pic is mad ugly

No. 260323

Still a hundred more posts to go

No. 260327

but I like the artist, I find her comics cute

No. 260328

its not 30 mins yet, delete!

No. 260329

the artist is a man?

No. 260333

Israeli woman
Yehuda Devir

No. 260340

he is literally a dude, his wifes name is maya devir.

No. 260341

How do you deal with grief in a relationship? My bf and I have both lost family members and i've been acting so bpd-ish about it but he's internalizing it. How do you anons deal with death of others in a relationship?

No. 260342


No. 260347

How does one know if your partner is about to ask for your hand in marriage? Are there clear signs?

No. 260348

The old thread isn't at 1200 yet, you both are retards with ugly thread pics

No. 260354

Just talking about your futures together is the main sign. If he wants to have a family with you, have a house together, introduces you to his family etc. then these are all clear signs that he will probably ask soon.

No. 260356

>how can you tell if a man doesn't want to have sex with you because he's just not attracted to you vs just tired from work or is depressed?
If you're already wondering, he just isn't that attracted to you and he may not even be capable of it. I've had past partners who were similar: they never initiated, they couldn't cum when we were intimate, sometimes they couldn't even stay hard. It made me feel pretty bad and I wondered if they were actually attracted to me. I love initiating, but it felt like I was "begging" them for anything sexual rather than both of us having that genuine, mutual interest. Of course, the usual retard responses when you ask for advice on this are that he's stressed, depressed, tired from work, men can't always be "on", blah blah. Sorry, but most men nowadays are weak and pathetic idiots who can only stay hard to pixels and they conveniently leave that out. Of course they are not going to be turned on by pleasuring a real living woman when they can jerk their limp weenie to porn and get instant gratification.
Don't listen to those idiots and settle for shit. When you find a man who's attracted to you, you WILL know. He won't leave you guessing. Been with my boyfriend for a couple years and he eats me out every day (and as often as I want), caresses and kisses my body multiple times a day, basically tries to seduce me 24/7 to the point where I've had to ask him tone it down a little bit so we can get our work done. I can only imagine how much more passionate and intense it will get once we have to work away from home and we'll be apart for most of the day. I have never had anyone this passionate about me in the beginning of the relationship, much less for YEARS. Don't settle for a lukewarm relationship, you deserve to feel desired and wanted.

No. 260357

How do.i deal with seeing the woman who tried to 'steal my man' again? I'm probably going to be forced to interact over the summer due to mutual friends and I don't wanna, but I also don't want her to think I'm weak kek

No. 260359

she shouldn't have to worry if you and your bf have a healthy relationship. if she sees you to holding hands etc. then there is no reason why you should be worried about her. if your bf starts flirting or accepting her flirtations thats when you should be worried.

No. 260360

what if you're the toxic one in the relationship?

No. 260361

>If you're already wondering, he just isn't that attracted to you and he may not even be capable of it. I've had past partners who were similar: they never initiated, they couldn't cum when we were intimate, sometimes they couldn't even stay hard.
You were dating porn addicts with death grip syndrome. This is not normal for any man, it is psychological and physical damage that these men have inflicted on themselves from years of masturbation and porn abuse. It doesn't have much to do with them not being attracted to you, but with the fact that they just can not get off to normal sex with a normal woman anymore, they need the hardcore stimulation from deranged porn and deathgrip to get off.

No. 260372

Oh god no, not that pickme comic…

No. 260375

Most men are in some way ruined by porn, even if they don't use it multiple times a day. You're making it sound like the men I dated only jerked off to porn all day and that's it. It not only takes porn, but an inherent personality defect/low emotional intelligence that makes them unable to sexually connect with real women. The porn just magnifies that.

No. 260395

If a man isn't willing to give up porn when entering a relationship and prefers porn over having sex then he is a porn addict.

No. 260547

nta but yeah, that's what she said in the rest of her post after the part you read lol

No. 260574

seconding this question. I don't want to leave my bf but I know I'm the toxic one due to my abusive past relationship and addictions.

No. 260583

It depends on how toxic you are, but if both you and your partner want to work it out, then have an open conversation about it. Acknowledge what's toxic, express you feel ashamed, and are sorry about it. Then set boundaries for what you're going to do to mitigate it from continuing. Like if you've done something disrespectful, or hurtful, and you don't change after you've claimed to not do it again, then maybe you should breakup or something.

No. 260599

see a therapist. You're only going to follow the same patterns and fuck your relationships over and over until a professional is able to break it down for you. And if you are a toxic person in a relationship then there's likely bigger issues at play.

No. 260618

This and also please do your partner a favor and break up if you're unable to control the toxic behaviors while working on yourself. In an ideal world they'd be strong enough to leave on their own but more than likely, because they love you, they'll stick around and forgive you over and over because you're "working on it" and that's something but even so they're still being damaged by you at regular intervals

No. 260640

I disagree with this take, it's ridiculous to expect people to only be in relationships when they're 100% well-adjusted. Making decisions for another person is ridiculous too; everyone's partners here are hopefuly adults and capable of making decisions by themselves; if they wanted to leave they would and it's fine, if they want to be there and support that's fine too. As long as you are aware of your toxic behaviors, actively make an effort to get better and address issues as soon as they arrive, it can be still ok.

No. 260642

Suddenly feel like breaking up with my bf of 5 years. All the things I coped with are coming to me at once and seem like dealbreakers (he is messy, quite unreliable/lazy, we live too far away from each other and are each close to our families).
On the other hand, we still have insane passion and chemistry, he cares for me and loves me so purely, he is top of his specialised field, thinks men should serve women, etc.
Also I am bisexual (have had several serious relationships with women) and feel like I would definitely date a woman after this, but worry that I would then end up fantasising about a relationship with a man again and keep flip-flopping back and forth.

anyone been in a similar situation or has advice?

No. 260645

If anon's partner is male I don't really care, but if she's female I'm just going to say women often stay in relationships way past their expiration date to their own detriment. It's hard to break the conditioning of feeling like you're a bad person and abandoning your partner if you leave for your own well being. In an ideal world everyone would be mature and confident enough to get out as soon as they were getting hurt with any regularity, but that's not always the case. Like >>260583 said it's a matter of severity. If anon picks random arguments sometimes but the other person doesn't think it's too big of a deal, maybe it's fine. If she's regularly belittling her partner, cheating on them, lying about things, or anything else of greater severity, no one should be putting up with that regardless of whether they've gotten used to it or not. Let's normalize being the bigger person and taking ownership of when you're not in a healthy enough place to be in a relationship rather than putting all that responsibility on the victim. Would you tell an anon who's drinking daily, slurring insults at her partner and puking all over the house that she's totally valid and it's all good if her partner decides they want to stay with her? That's the definition of enabling. In that scenario she should take one for the team, leave and get healthy, then see if that person wants to try again if and when she gets her shit together.

No. 260647

I assumed toxic has to mean the former since the latter means outright abusive and is not exactly the same thing? But we're on the same page here, and it's semantics, I agree it depends on severity and once there's a high severity AND awareness then absolutely it's the time to be the bigger person.

No. 260657

What is this HORRENDOUS image?

No. 260660

That's a fair point about the different severity between toxic and abusive. I usually hear a lot of overlap but it's all extrapolation in this case anyway. Thanks for the clarification!

No. 260665

File: 1651488126604.jpg (134.39 KB, 900x506, 85490385043956.jpg)

It's from a cro-magnon looking scrote artist who makes omg relatable relationship comics that get posted a lot by deeply basic betches on FB (sorry not sorry op).

No. 260666

The worst part about the OP image is that the aspect ratio is completely off and it's squished. Some fucking facebook minion-meme mommy made this thread.

No. 260671

>Late 20s
>Have been dating for 2 years
>This past year my girlfriend has relapsed into her eating disorder hard and refuses to get any professional help despite me offering to pay for half of it.
>Not only is it heartbreaking seeing her destroy her body and life over this but as a side effect she has short periods of intense hostility towards me whenever she gets frustrated and says horrible things only to apologize later on.

I have been thinking about ending things because its hard to see it getting better however she has made it clear multiple times she will self harm or kill herself if we break up. <spoiler>And despite everything I still care for her and dont want to see that happen</spoiler>

tldr. How do you handle people (who you care about) who make genuine threats of suicide and self harm when it comes to break ups?

No. 260672

I like it. I think you sourpusses need to lighten up.

No. 260674

Have you dealt with a toxic in law before? My bfs dad is an alcoholic and although he has a nice job he's just really problematic. My bf and I chose not to take the vax and he ignored him for a year. He's incredibly petty and doesn't have any photos of my bf in his house, only his step kids. I know he doesn't like me because im boisterous but thats what my bf and I are really like. He also only ever sees my bf at the pub and im sick of this enabling behaviour.

No. 260676

I would cut contact, break up. You should not be burdened with such responsibility, you have offered to help her get better, is there anything else you could no? I really don't think so. Maybe I'm being cruel though.

No. 260678

No comment on whether you should break up with her or not but people who threaten with suicide generally aren't actually suicidal. It's a manipulation tactic.

No. 260679

By cut contact do you mean just ghost or something like tell them then its over then block them ect?

That is true, the only reason why I think it might be credible is because she has already started cutting herself over smaller disagreements.

No. 260684

Did you try giving her an ultimatum? "Get help or I will leave you" kind? If she doesn't, then do so, and yeah, ideally block her everywhere because otherwise - since she's already harming herself - she could do something to herself just to pull you back in. If she has no way of contacting you it's very likely she won't do anything. As other anon said, person like this is extremely unlikely to do any actual harm to themselves, especially when there are no spectators.

No. 260695

I don’t play those games. I make it very clear the second you say your suicidal I’m driving you to hospital or I’m calling the cops and they’re driving you. No choice. Games up. It’s almost always a manipulation tactic and I grew up with severely mentally ill people. Actually suicidal people quietly attempted. The abusive pricks were the ones shoving self harm scars in your face telling you it’s your fault or I’m going to kill myself. The second they do that Noni. It’s over. You have an obligation to yourself to end the situation for your own sanity and safety.

No. 260699

My ex was suicidal for the entire duration of our relationship. Extremely hostile, selfish, dishonest, the whole works. I still loved her. Just like you I worried what would become of her if she didn't have me and made excuses to stay.
First recognise that you're in an abusive relationship. The pattern of her hurting you, apologising, promising to be better, and then ultimately lashing out again… this is textbook emotional abuse. It's even worse that she's blackmailing you with threats of suicide. Does she realise that she's abusing you? Are these conscious decisions to wear you out and trap you? Doesn't matter. The effects on you are still real and still painful. She doesn't love you. You don't treat someone you love with such hostility and hatred.
You already acknowledge that she's not getting better and she refuses all help. Stay, if you're a masochist and you don't mind wasting your time on someone who does not love you. But if you want to immediately improve your outlook and finally focus on your own life again, then you should break up, block her everywhere, and do your best to move on. Leaving can be that simple.
Remember that she's a grown woman responsible for her own health and well-being. Seeing as she repeatedly hurts you with minimal remorse, she clearly is not assuming responsibility for yours. It's an unequal partnership.
It took me a couple months to stop feeling guilty for ""abandoning"" my ex. But in even the first few days my mood drastically improved because I had more time and energy to spend on myself and the people who actually loved me. If you have friends and family to depend on, tell them honestly about your situation. Even if you decide to stay, they can support you through it all.

No. 260712

File: 1651507270617.jpeg (10.96 KB, 226x223, images.jpeg)

Go back to Facebook, Linda.

No. 260755

KEK nonny it's okay, the image is retarded but don't ever change

No. 260793

My ex was suicidal for almost 5-6 years in my relationship and I'm still not over it all these years later. It leaves such wounds in your heart.

No. 260860

The guy I'm dating now really only calls me when he's horny. He ignored all of my texts and calls for two months and a week only to tell me that I barely called or texted. He goes weeks without talking to me and then begs me for attention, yet he doesn't want to break up. He left me at one point because I didn't do something he asked me to do afterwhich he cussed me out while I tried to be mature with him. He then came back and I let him get what he wanted. A few weeks later he begged me to stay with him and stop all of my schooling, that he needed me. I actually wanted to at one point but then realised that the reason why he needed me is because he was with another girl who ended up fucking him over. There are times where I beg him to stop calling me but I end up giving in. He makes me feel so lonely and he has the audacity to ask me to live with him and have his kids. I have no one else to talk to since I'm focused on either work or school so every time he calls or texts I reply. He won't even tell me why he left me the first time. That one time he left me for two months he kept ignoring me over a misunderstanding. I was tired and needed to go to bed and he acted like I was being unreasonable then. I don't know what to do. He also talks to me about his exes. At one point he described a sex act he did with one and sent a video clip of her singing, saying "this person really loved me, it makes my heart hurt so much." I really can't understand how I believed anything he ever said, he came in at a time where I was so lost and even looked to religion to save me from the anxiety I was facing. I just want the strength to cut him off completely this time.

No. 260864

>The guy I'm dating now really only calls me when he's horny.
Didn't even have to read the rest of your post. Dump him

No. 260866

Oh nonnie

No. 260869

i find myself not feeling the desire to see my bf and im trying to pinpoint exactly why. i think maybe we lack chemistry. its not nearly as good as me and my dysfunctional mess of an ex bf with whom i unfortunately shared tastes in movies, books, tv shows, artwork, philosophy, humor, you name it. my ex had such amazing taste in everything. my current bf is very sweet and functional but he just doesnt have culture, he doesnt read, doesnt know art, only knows hollywood movies, watches adult swim etc. its really nitpicky but he likes that one dog meme and i hate that shit. its this brand of humor laden with internet references i dont get. i dont want to feel like this. i want to be connected with him. hes so golden in so many ways. im upset because ifs not even like i want my ex back, i dont miss his dumb ass, so idk why im comparing them.

come on nonny, dont be pathetic. youre letting him yank you around like a puppet. i doubt he even sees you as a person with feelings, youre just his emotional dumping ground. doesn’t that make you feel like shit? or are you one of those people who would rather be a codependent tool than be independent and alone?

No. 260870

File: 1651554669365.png (467.33 KB, 575x521, 7490832409328.png)

welp that's enough lc for today

No. 260872

Reread conversations where he disrespects you to keep the anger to continue cutting him off. There's no way this dude is worth any of this. He sounds horrid.

No. 260875

I've been alone for most of my life. I've barely relied on people to keep me going until a few years ago. I made the wrong assumption that I needed someone and became addicted to the feeling of being needed. I see now that it'll only sink me deeper. I honestly really needed this. I needed people rolling their eyes at me and telling me the obvious. Thank you anons.

No. 260876

you do need someone nonny, just not him. the world isnt designed for loners but we still have to make our way. make friends, meet people, and disregard moids for a while

No. 260881

I find them oddly endearing. I always thought the lady was a qt

No. 260883

Anon please for the love of all that is moo cow please leave him. You are better than this.

No. 260886

>you do need someone
Nta but I never felt like I needed someone, am I fucked?

No. 260888

I posted on here awhile back about wanting to break up with my LDR bf. We finally broke up a few weeks ago and I was so relieved that he was the one who brought up the talk first. He basically gave me an ultimatum to agree to move in with him and I was like nah. It was a mutual breakup and I'm glad I don't have to talk to him everyday now. He was nice but kind of a loser (gamer, quit his job before he had another lined up, pothead, etc.). Just wanted to say I wish I listened to y'all's advice and dumped him sooner lol He was clingy af too so I'm not surprised he couldn't handle long distance.

Now I just feel dread when I think about getting into the dating game again. I feel like I only attract losers despite my friends telling me I deserve more. I really don't want to have to download Tinder or Bumble but I might have to.

No. 260889

I don't think so. It's normal and healthy to maintain personal relationships but that doesn't have to be a "special someone", friends and family count too. If you're a lone wolf with absolutely no social contacts then yeah maybe that's not healthy.

No. 260891

Can I ask about friendships here?

Something is preventing me from making friends. I used to be social but also mostly friends with guys which flaked off because of obvious reasons. I spent 2 years alone with only Internet friends, learning to accept my emotional and feminine side. I learned that I might have autism and bipolar or schizophrenia. I quit all drugs. I have put myself into social situations lately:
>joined a dance practice
>talked to classmates
>went to a party
>tried talking more at work
It did help but I am still lost. I send memes, cute or funny images to people sometimes, and try telling them interesting information, or make them laugh when we meet. Thing is, I always convince myself they don't actually like me. Sometimes it is true, other times it is complete nonsense like "I've got one small pimple on my chin, they must think I am a disgusting loser". I have to really watch myself that I don't sound negative irl too. For now I am just trying not to isolate myself completely. I used to go hermit mode from the slightest rejection, which is why I haven't really had women friends for a while. So, I don't know, what should I do to make friends in real life? I try demonstrating high value but I do have depressive periods where I barely do anything, which wouldn't paint me right. I wouldn't mind befriending others like me but I am also absolutely scared of them getting mad at me for some social cue or trigger I missed.

No. 260917

IDK if it counts as actual mental illness, but I'm quite a quirked up shawty and have this behavior I can't really control or get rid of. When anyone around me gets very emotional, I always shut down any emotions I have and don't feel anything and get into like a robot-mode. Especially when negative but it happens with positive also. It's probably caused by growing up with an abusive mom who would randomly get angry at anything and then proceed to blame it on me and let it out on me, so I have this instinct to get into a numb, control mode. It's no problem anymore as I have no contact to her anymore, however it's a bit of a problem with my fiancé. When we have a misunderstanding or argument he gets very emotional and expressive about it very fast, as this is just the kind of person he is. And when I find myself in this position multiple times where he even outright says "I need your love" or asks if we can hug while talking it out, but I just can't do it. I talk very neutrally while crying and I just can not force myself to do it, because I'm so detached from the situation. It's not the first time this has happened and I'm unsure how to combat this fear(?) of putting myself into an emotional, "uncontrolled", open position when I'm feeling stressed and overwhelmed.

No. 260949

Ive only ever given vauger ones like I dont see a future together if things dont improve/you cant commit to recovery.

Ultimatums are something Ive always been hesitant to make as they are a tool that are often used by abusive people.

Thank you for this I needed to hear this and that Im not crazy for feeling this way. Im going to start getting things ready so at their next outburst I can end things via a text as I dont think its unfair to do that to someone who has acted like this.

No. 261028

Don't want until she has another outburst. Just leave. You don't need to waste even one more second on her after what she's put you through.

No. 261046

Is it bad if a guy is very attached to me? He says he is crazy about me, loves me, and I feel the same. We text a ton and are very lovey dovey. It has been three months. Red flag?

No. 261053

I think that's how most new couples are especially if you're young, you're excited and just getting to know each other, that's not necessarily a redflag. If you both feel the same then you're moving at the same pace.

No. 261088

Are these intense declarations of love interspersed with insults, coldness, condescension, stonewalling, etc.? Does he ever say he'll die without you, that you saved his life, or he doesn't know how he'd survive if you ever left? Does his behaviour ever make you uncomfortable, and if so do you ask him to stop? In that case, does he continue making you uncomfortable, or have a negative reaction? Or is it so bad that you can't even ask because you're too worried about what he'll say? Or you have to choose the perfect time to bring up certain topics so he's in the right mood? Those are red flags.

No. 261089

No never, he is only ever kind to me. The worst thing about him is that sometimes I feel like he isn't listening to me because when we are texting he will skip something I said, but it doesn't happen that much and maybe I'm overly sensitive about it. He is always very sweet, very affectionate, reassuring.

No. 261108

A few weeks ago my ex bf suddenly broke up with me over message. Going through the stages of grief, drinking a lot, moving on, etc. Since then once a few times a week I'll noticed he has removed me on one more group chat, or unfollowed with one more account. Yes I do check, because I'm still processing, and it's weird. Also on fb, where he has now unfriended me, I unlisted myself as being in a relationship with him, yet he hasn't changed his description from 'in a relationship'. I need to stop getting angry and paranoid that there was more to the personal reasons he gave for the break up message. I'm not contacting him. I won't. I hate him I hate him I hate him.

No. 261109

>date bargain bin scrote
>become self aware
>ignore self awareness
>twiddle your fingers and wait for him to break up with you
>“i only attract losers”
Whatever you say nonnykins

No. 261118

He could just be a good guy, sounds strange but it happens. I thought my partner was moving a little fast with compliments and saying I love you but he was actually just crazy about me and still is

No. 261120

I'm so sorry and relate so much. I cringe to death when I think about the moids I used to choose before, seriously gives me vertigo and nausea. Bottomfeeder losers, with no intent to stop being NEETs, small dicked and chubby. Fuck that. YOU are the one with the privilege of choice, you don't have to impress or attract any m*le- this is the line of thinking that helped me. Filter them all out, for no reason or for petty reasons. Don't be afraid because it's them who want something of you and it's them that have to prove their worth to you. Good luck.

No. 261131

Hang in there anon. And get off tech/social media or any other place you're going to find shit related to him. I know it's tempting but you need to purge him from your life.

No. 261157

>when we are texting he will skip something I said
How old is he? I've noticed zoomers tend to do that, sending a bunch of texts about various subjects and barely waiting for your reply to the first message. I'm quite verbose so it frustrates me so much when I have this kind of conversation, but it's harmless.

No. 261161

Hate to break it to you but older guys do it as well. It's just a scrote thing in general, they are always the most focused on whatever they want to discuss, not having a balanced, two-way conversation.

No. 261164

I was specifically talking about a way of typing I've noticed with zoomers men and women alike, it's probably not the same thing as what OP mentioned though.

No. 261173


Yep, he is a bit older than me. That has been my experience too. Scrotes are never good listeners. It is depressing honestly. I guess I need to find a girl friend if I really want a true conversation with someone.

No. 261183

I ended up meeting the man who I assume I'm going to spend the rest of my life with. We've been exclusively communicating practically non-stop online for about 3 weeks, within those 3 weeks we had realized we have a lot in common when it comes to core values, thinking patterns, and morals. The moment we met in person, was a huge mixture of emotions. Underwhelming but also overwhelming?
We had sex shortly upon meeting. It was truthfully the best and longest I've had sex in my life. So much communication. What helped the most was the fact I knew we had a stronger bond not revolved around infatuation, the whole values and morals thing.
Reality pretty much ended up slapping me in the face elsewhere. Maybe this was my mind trying to help me not make stupid decisions so quickly like I wanted to before we met. I kind of expected him to look more attractive in the face, he was also big, but not fat to the point where there's no hope of him getting into shape. We went around the area to do things and I was expecting him to be more touchy, he did warn me he might be awkward when meeting. No holding hands, no random kisses, minus whatever happened when we had sex. We actually did hold hands on our last drive together, but that was it. I keep having to tell myself I literally just met him.
I also am reminded, before we met, we had agreed to not officially call this a relationship. We are only friends at the moment, because calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend comes with more expectations, which is something I have faults with, expecting him to do intimate things while in public. He doesn't have reliable transportation at the moment so that's his biggest priority in life for now. Us being able to see each other in person was definitely difficult and a costlier than I would've liked. So definitely until then I'm going to have to sit on things and think about this.
I am grateful to have finally met him, I do not regret it. It really did help me not think of him as some image my mind made up. I do not feel like I am going crazy anymore, but yeah definitely a reminder I need to be realistic.

No. 261187

Don't fall into that trap. Having someone listen to you is such a basic requirement. If your nigel can't do that he has fucking failed you. Since it seems like he's very "sweet" and "reassuring" bring it up to him and if he's the guy you think he is he will immediately start working on it. If he makes excuses or calls you emotional I will show up and stab him for you personally.

No. 261189

So he has no problem putting his dick in you but holding hands is too awkward? And he's fatter than you expected, meaning he lied to you and used old photos? Doesn't have a car, doesn't want to be exclusive, didn't take you anywhere nice… I really hope this is a made up story.

No. 261193

>known eachother for 3 weeks
>I assume I'm going to spend the rest of my life with.

No. 261194

File: 1651679444714.jpeg (60.78 KB, 750x818, based-on-a-true-story-about-yo…)

Me and my Nigel are both skinnyfat lazy bums, and I want us to be hot and active. He started having health problems from 100% sedentary gamer lifestyle.
I signed us up for exercise classes and I really enjoy them. He absolutely hates it, he can't keep up with anyone, feels bad comparing himself to other moids, and puked in the middle of class today.
He said he wants to quit but I begged him to stay with it longer because I can't have him dying in his 50s because all he does is vidya and drink redbull. He said okay but I feel bad guilting him into it.
He says he never gets exercise endorphins no matter how fit he is. So he can't imagine enjoying it in the future.
On one hand I want him to quit if he hates it, because he is kind of a downer in class and I feel bad leaving him behind or using heavier weights than him. On the other hand I am not a social person and I doubt I'll keep coming if he quits because I find it really awkward to be there alone.
Should I try getting him signed up for something else that's less intense that I can do on my off days? Or is he a lost cause?
I don't want him to resent me for making him do this but I do think in a few months he'll see results and be happier and healthier.

No. 261196

It could be that feels embarrassed about his lack of fitness in front of other people, so maybe it might be worth trying a few at home exercise solutions to build up his fitness. You say he's a gamer so if you've got a switch it could be worth trying some of the fitness related games.

Men usually prefer weight lifting over cardio activities. When men first start lifting they tend to gain muscle quickly with an adequate protein intake, this keeps them motivated to stick with it because they can see the improvements for themselves. A set of adjustable home dumbbells would be good for this. You can easily look up beginner dumbbell routines online.

No. 261197

This was your unfortunate lesson to not fuck a guy so soon, even if you wanted to at the time or if the sex was good. He won't hold your hand in public nor wants to address you as his gf for whatever retarded "reason", yet he had no problem fucking you as soon as he could. Where is the logic in that?

>which is something I have faults with, expecting him to do intimate things while in public.

It's not like he's being expected to fuck you or make loud shows of romance to you in public, it's literally just holding hands or being affectionate. That's not a fault in your expectations but literally the bare minimum for a male to do if he's sexually and romantically interested in someone.
Let me stress that when a man truly cares for you, he will want to show you off and let the world know he is yours, even if it's just in a subtle way like calling you his girlfriend or holding a hand. The fact he's somehow hesitant to do this, yet had no problem having sex with you, just doesn't seem right or trustworthy to me.

No. 261198

This is not made up, i am just retarded and I've been in situations where my past relationships ended up being established because they were essentially escape routes
Yeah, I'm learning from my mistakes. Now one thing that is standing out to me, and I'm glad he's not committing, is while we were cuddling after everything was done he asked me questions about what i liked what he was doing for me during sex and essentially he told me "maybe you need to raise your standards" to which i said "yeah, I've had fucked up exes"
I'm definitely going to bring this up to him based around everything that happened. Thankfully he's good at communicating with me.

No. 261200

He says he feels dumb exercising by himself. And he can't cope with the embarrassment of following along to a video. He even cringes when I do it so I can't do home workouts around him. He never makes fun of me or anything but I can feel his secondhand embarrassment powerfully.
He is very self conscious and his only motivation to exercise is I'll cry if he quits lol.
Maybe I will look at exercise games though, good idea! The only time I've seen him break a sweat and like it (outside the bedroom haha) was playing VR at a con.
Are the switch fitness games good? I've been thinking about getting one

No. 261205

First off. It’s not your job. You know that but I’m saying it. If his second hand embarrassment prevents you from doing something good for your health than his behavior is harmful and unhealthy to your relationship and he needs to check his own shit insecurity or anxiety. There’s also a million ways to be active so his claim I just don’t like it is lazy. I’m blunt at this point. I wouldn’t be so much to his face just so you know. There’s apps like zombie run. He could jog while listening to audio story that reacts to him with his music in the middle. There’s walking apps with different stories. There’s hiking. There’s classes. There’s swimming. There’s weight lifting. Stretching. Even two walks a day and two rounds of stretching to start if he does nothing would be an improvement but the truth is he’s a weak soy boy who doesn’t want to. He has fail male syndrome and that’s all in his head. Also you have to push yourself far enough in discomfort and pain your brain releases endorphins. He’s not doing it right. He needs slow consistency with proper form to whatever he’s doing. He probably won’t get enjoyment for like 2 weeks to 2 months if he’s like neet level out of shape.
Tbh you might be better going to classes. Going hiking. Making plans with other active people and influencing him slowly.

No. 261229

>older moid
>piling you with lovey words
>can't hold a two-way conversation
Wont be long

No. 261233

Going above and beyond to protect his feefees and ego for a lazy skinnyfat gamer? You're not his mom jesus christ

No. 261235

He sounds like a pain in the ass tbh but my bf is kind of similar when it comes to exercise. Is there any type of activity he's been interested in that requires a certain level of fitness? For instance I signed us up for surfing lessons because my bf was always interested in it and we got really into it and we've been both getting much fitter without seeing it as "exercise" as per say. Otherwise tell him to get the fuck over it. You'll get fit, he'll get jealous and will either put more effort in or get resentful and by that time you can move on to better things.

No. 261236

Ew he is so weak and pathetic, I get being nervous about working out in front of other people but he sounds like a straight up whiny lazy loser who has never encountered any difficulty in his life and gives up at the first sign of struggle.

No. 261237

File: 1651689877010.png (2.57 MB, 1600x1200, girl-firing-two-guns.png)

Bit of a troon-tangent, but I don't find it fitting to blog in /snow/. I've met a guy through gaming (I know, I know) and we've been talking for a while before meeting up, things have been going decent. I knew there was one person with a female nick he's been talking to online, I didn't care much, but she suddenly tried to reach out to me. Turns out it's a discord tranny, that wants to make me jealous somehow? It seems like he's jealous BF is talking to an actual woman. I told my BF and he always used "she", while I do not manage, the best I can do is "they", because I just see him as a jealous gay guy. BF said just to ignore "her", but I think contacting me out of the blue and trying to stir up shit already crossed enough boundaries where I'm not even comfortable that my BF talks to this crazy guy, even if I obviously can't dictate who he talks to.

No. 261240

how did y’all meet your dream boyfriends or husbands?

No. 261243

I just turned 19, have no friends, am broke, poor, with no social skills and want to improve. Don’t know how to, but want to

No. 261244

Your boyfriend having discord kittens is already reason enough to dump him, that the discord kittens are trannies is double the reason. WTF are you doing?

No. 261246

imagine dating a fucking discordfag in the first place. unless nonnie is a discordfag as well, in which case….

No. 261247

I had no idea what they were talking about, it's a pretty small and autistic game community that's 100% male (should've been a tell) and their conversation are usually just as autistic and focused on the game. But dating girls is a no-no apparently.
I'm very much not a Discordfag or even really on social media, all I visit is here and a few select forums. I'm still stuck in the 00's when it comes to the Internet I guess.

No. 261251

If your boyfriend is already involved in small autistic game discords it's probably only a matter of time until he troons out himself. Seems like he already has no issues with trannies and even respects their pronouns. They probably have a NSFW channel in there where the tranny posts his butthole and they share trap porn.

No. 261257

Random they were a manger that left shortly after I started. Friends for years yada yada. >>261235
That was pretty much my take to Noni, cheers.
Look for free clubs and classes. Libraries tend to do candle making shops and stuff depending on the city. There’s also probably online Facebook groups in your area or apps like next door to talk to people around you. Social skills are kind of a meme because it can vary greatly depending on who and where you are. What do you like Noni? What do you want? Or do you just need a list of stuff to try or think about?

No. 261258

If he contacted you and your boyfriend didn’t acknowledge the boundary cross and your discomfort sounds like your ex because he’s picking the tranny dick and not considering you a person.

No. 261296

I've ended up telling my boyfriend that he either talks to his friend about how shitty they acted or I take it that he'll tolerate people openly disrespecting me. Since regardless of wether he was fucking with me or tried to mess with BF using me, this tranny doesn't respect me as a person, you're right.

No. 261316

how do i manipulate an ex back? he is probably the only man i felt a genuine connection with. he dumped me because of his trauma and he wants us to be friends which makes me want to jump off a building. i still talk to him whenever we see each other on campus and i'm his type, so i still think i have a chance with him. i sound desperate but idc anymore.

No. 261317

Be friends, meet up one on one, keep on flirting with him and it may work. But I'm sure you know already it's retarded, you should block him, avoid and move on, there's plenty of fish in the sea and it won't be hard to find someone more valuable than a dude with mental issues who dumped you.

No. 261322

100% that class is too intense for him if he's puking in the middle of it. you shouldn't have to mother him but if you keep forcing him to go to a class that's way too difficult he's not going to want to exercise. are there lower intensity classes he could go to?

THIS is his issue though, he needs to get over himself. i would suggest getting ring fit- it genuinely does help if you're starting from sedentary skinnyfat and you can increase difficulty as you get more in shape- but there's no point if he's too embarrassed to play it

No. 261327

Good for you. You deserve to be treated with respect. I tolerated that in my early relationships and it was always a red flag I wished I had called earlier.

No. 261331

Girl, he was getting validation from this dude before getting with a real woman. Dudes that like trannies are incels and a ticking time bomb. Please see you deserve more, dont risk your health for someone that sticks it into a trannys ass (or wants to).

No. 261344

nonnies I need validation that I made the right decision. I broke up with a scrotey discord bf I've been talking to for the past 6 months. he's kind like 12 different mental illnesses and is addicted to porn but for some reason now that I broke up with him I miss him.

No. 261346

>12 different mental illnesses
>addicted to porn
You made the right decision.

No. 261348

You don’t miss him. You miss someone. You miss talking to someone. You miss the idea of someone. You don’t miss him. He was a porn addicted scrote for brain and you left for good reason. Take a hot shower. Go for a walk. Get out. Let yourself be alone and work through the lonely feeling. Do not sacrifice your self worth and peace for some shitty male validation. You deserve so much more than that.

No. 261349

you're free from his disgusting coomer hands now nonna. no ragrets!

No. 261367

You didn't just make the right decision, you made an amazing decision. Good on you for nipping this in the bud and not letting it molder into something truly horrible. God knows plenty of us here have experience with that, and can tell you you have saved yourself a lot of grief.

No. 261380

I already know this sounds pathetic but I just want to know, is the relationship salvageable if he hasn't yet kicked the porn addiction? it's been over a month of exclusivity

No. 261382

I know other anons will bash me for this but I think its possible. My bf and I were both incels when we met, he kicked his about half a year into our relationship and I kicked mine about 1.5 years in. What helped was talking about it face to face rather than shaming eachother for it. We went through a lot of talking, things like why we still do it, why is it so addictive, when did this start (13 for him and 14 for me), do you still want to watch it? why?
If he's actively NOT communicating about it then it's definitely a bad sign. Porn addiction is huge especially with those who grew up with the internet coming into fruition. And I think shaming men and women for it sucks. It's definitely avoidable and you can tackle the demons in your fucked up mind. Good luck anon. Just my two cents, I am actually a huge advocate for anti-porn industry today.

No. 261398

Easiest way to get him over the hurdle of quitting is to just fuck him every day so he doesn't have anything left in him to waste on porn, just keep him constantly exhausted. If he still goes back to porn when you do that he is a lost cause and prefers porn over sex.

No. 261420

>is the relationship salvageable
It depends on the person, but know that very very very few moids are worth sticking around for, especially when they have a porn addiction. He better be perfect in every other way (treats you with respect, goes out of his way to make your life easier and makes you feel loved, adores you, worships you, is very devoted, is generous with his time/effort/money, prioritizes your pleasure in the bedroom) otherwise just drop him.

No. 261425

this isnt true. my bf constantly asks me about things that are bothering me even if he knows it will end up in me venting his ear off. dont settle for someone who doesnt listen because you think its all that exists out there.

No. 261433

Nta but I tried this and it was so pathetic and sad because I lost

No. 261442

That sucks, I'm sorry nonna. He was a lost cause and his mental illness and addiction does not have anything to do with you.

No. 261450

You didn't lose anything, he lost you

No. 261451

so my ex bf was really open and straightforward paired with a high sex drive, so he'd very easily just tell me I look sexy or whatever and would want to have sex with me (and it was often)
that made me realize I really like sex too and have a strong sex drive myself. Also I liked all the compliments and stuff that came with it, it made me feel very wanted and ~sexy~ which i never felt before.

Now I have a new bf. When we have sex it's great, but it is RARE. He just won't initiate sex with me often at all.
I tried to have a talk with him about it before and just assumed he had a lower sex drive, but he says no and that he masturbates often (and it's not to porn, so not a porn addiction)

It seems like he is in the same position as me, only having 1 ex and they were probably the one who initiated, so he feels like he doesn't know how or is nervous?
I don't know what to do cause I'm a shy autist so initiating is just a nightmare for me, and I just assume the guy doesn't like me/want it if he's not the one doing it.
It's weird that my bf isn't shy about anything else other than things like complimenting me and wanting to have sex with me and idk what else to do about it. (inb4 he's cheating, he's not. we're always together other than work)

No. 261458

What does he masturbate often to? His imagination?

No. 261459

Take this with a grain of salt because I'm no pro, but initiating isn't as scary as you think.
>be horny
>kiss him
>waggle eyebrows
>"hey are you busy? Want to have some sex?"
On the other hand if he's not initiating, but masturbates often… Yeah I'd take that personally too. Are you just assuming he's nervous to initiate or have you openly discussed it with him?

No. 261462

he shouldn't masturbate instead of sleeping with you wtf. Don't tolerate this low T behavior.

No. 261464

He's choosing his hand over you… you should probably ask him why. It sounds like he is dysfunctional despite not watching porn, which is impressive tbh and would piss me off to no end. Explain to him that women need to feel desired and wanted and that he needs to start initiating sex with you or otherwise you will not be sexually fulfilled.

No. 261467

Men who claim to have been cheated on by multiple women are usually shit tier boyfriends. They usually got cheated on because they're emotionally abusive or probably haven't got cheated on at all and use it as an excuse to be ultra-controlling/ guilt tripping their current into isolation

No. 261487

Not surprising, really. Even without porn a lot of men are pathetic enough to to choose their hand instead. Why? Because the expectation of having to please a woman is too much for them, when he can just jerk himself off in a couple minutes and be done with it. Loser male behavior right there
And chances are if she initiates herself, he'll make her feel just as unwanted and undesired, he sounds like such a soyboy

No. 261493

Nothing more pathetic than choosing your hairy hands over having all the intimate sex you want with a nice warm body that loves you. Unironically low T

No. 261495

They are usually cheaters themselves and their gfs cheated bc they cheated first.

No. 261509

hinge lol

No. 261511

I don't get men. Idk if it's pathetic but I get a stronger reaction from smelling another woman's perfume than whatever I could possibly do to myself.

No. 261554

before we were together, my partner was depressed and exhibited extremely scrote-like behavior. he was addicted to porn, talked about women in really gross ways (i saw old messages from a discord server he was in), and even had sex with a prostitute. i have a hard time not thinking about it and i get extremely uncomfortable any time something like prostitution, porn, or insta/costhots comes up because then i remember. this isn't a 'dump him' situation because his past is the only issue in our relationship. he's a wonderful partner and i love him very much but i don't know how to 'get over it'. i also have pretty severe body dysmorphia so i end up comparing myself to the girls he talked about/ posted pictures of (before we even met, he didn't do anything like that after we started talking) and feeling really shit. even though he always gives me nice compliments and is nothing but kind and supportive. does anyone else have experience with this sort of thing? where your partner is a good partner but they have a shitty past?

No. 261578

Yes, my current partner is the most amazing man and has been there for me from deaths in the family to emergency surgery. Is now working hard to buy us a house. But he too, had a freakish online past, he was an avid incel and had lots of online erp with men and women for years. Was definitely a part of some unsavoury communities. We've had multiple arguments over it but as time went on I realized I have to not be so angry about the past and watch his actions in the present. Fast forward to today, whenever I feel jealous or uncomfortable about something I just straight up ask him and he just tells me openly. He was groomed online as a child and was severely bullied at school which gave him blackout anxiety, all this amounted to him seeking validation online. However if you were to meet us and watch how our relationship has played out, you would never think that's the case. In my opinion, the past is the past, it's only a huge matter of concern when their past actively affects their current relationship with you and how they treat you.

No. 261596

>even had sex with a prostitute
I get that we all have different perspectives, but that one is pretty unforgivable anon. He thought it was fine to use a living person (very likely a woman who was trafficked, desperate and otherwise at the lowest and most vulnerable point of her life) as a disposable sex toy for a few bucks. How can you ever look past that no matter how wonderful he is now? Why do you want to "get over" something like that? How did you find out about these things? Did he tell you openly or did you just happen to find them through his old online accounts?

No. 261619

Okay so Im really having trouble here. I like this guy and I we get along pretty well. The only problem is his friend. It all started off strangely when the guy I liked had suddenly started acting withdrawn from me. It turns out his friend likes me and possibly told him about his little crush for me because the days leading up to him confessing to me my crush had basically been avoiding me. Obviously, I rejected his friend because he is getting in the way and I din't particularly have an interest him. But how do I recover from this? I felt that things between me and my crush were going fine until his friend.

No. 261627

He was willing to give up on you to let his friend have a go. You can see where his priorities lie. Do you think his (lack of) actions prove he'd be an attentive and responsible partner at this stage? You two weren't even dating in the first place, clearly he wasn't in a rush to commit or get to know you better by taking you out. He didn't even admit feelings to you before the friend did. Lack of iniative/interest/resolve = why bother? If a friend of mine was interested in the same man I might very well say she should shoot her shot, but if he actually meant anything to me I'd let her know I'd be making my intentions clear as well and he could make his own decision. The only reason I'd back off entirely is if I never cared that much in the first place. And it seems like you didn't even have much if any interaction with the friend beforehand? The whole situation sounds very juvenile. If they are over the age of 20 this is embarassing.

No. 261628

Sex with a prostitute is something that is unforgivable and you will probably never get over and you shouldn't. Trust me, no scrote would ever get over it either if you told him you had prostituted yourself in the past. They wouldn't forgive that either.

No. 261630

File: 1651823062200.jpg (15.58 KB, 408x406, 1651650287206.jpg)

girl… i get that he's nice to you and all but being with a punter with a porn addiction? can't you guys just be like… companions without being together together? that's what i would do. this is A LOT of sexual baggage. what has he said about having had sex with a prostitute? this is horrible, no offense.

No. 261631

I love that pic

No. 261644

How do you know that the prostitute wasn't willing herself? There are so many rad fems these days who take pride in this line of work.

No. 261647

I see your boyfriend found the site

No. 261648

File: 1651831382217.jpg (102.88 KB, 530x649, 585_960n.jpg)

>mfw I read this retarded post

No. 261652

Have you visited the sw thread? There are so many women willing to put themselves on the internet and newspapers or what have you because they consider prostitution a 'business' of theirs

No. 261654

File: 1651832102058.png (174.97 KB, 378x379, 1583219506791.png)

>radfem who is a willing prostitute
>willing prostitute

No. 261655

You know nothing about radical feminism, go read Dworkin.

No. 261656

Anon, get tested if you haven't already.

No. 261657

I meant the only fans rad fems, not sure if they're called rad fems or not.

No. 261659

No. 261660

A lot of my friends do onlyfans and some of them prostitute themselves and find it really 'liberating'

No. 261661

They're libfems.

No. 261662

If she was willing you wouldn't have to pay her for it you dumb fuck.

No. 261674

This this this. Would you forgive your bf raping someone? Having sex with a prostitute is adjacent to that. He doesn't see women as people just objects, he just learned to mask his degeneracy in front of her

No. 261696

Not to mention the studies that confirm at least 50% of the men buying prostitutes know they’re raping women if not 72%. Her boyfriend is a rapist. If I ever found out mine did something like that I would leave. Rapist deserve no love and he should have a fucking prison sentence.

No. 261702

Your coming from a place where you don't seem to honour girl code. If your friend tells you they have a crush then you back off not just say, "oh well I like them too so we're basically gonna compete now."

No. 261705

Oh god who cares. If he was right for you, he would have confessed already. There are so many men out there, don't get so hung up on some guy you barely even know.
Good on you anon, I would leave too. Men who have raped and exploited women deserve to end up alone, forever.

No. 261725

My boyfriend keeps pestering me to move in together, I made it clear on our first serious date that I have a huge need of solitude and agreed to be together if we never had children, married (to which he enthusiastically agreed) and never lived together (which visibly irked him). He probably thought he could make me change my mind but after a year and a half I still think the same. I'm currently living with my brother so he thinks I'm a bit hypocritical but it's not the same thing at all because 1. living with a relative you've known for your entire life is completely different from living with a partner, and 2. I live with him out of convenience but I still plan on being on my own in the future. I completely understand why he wants to live with me but I'm not thrilled by the perspective of seeing him every day and having to share almost everything. Should I dump him since our relationship expectations are turning different?

No. 261728

He can either put a ring on it or shut up. Usually males want you to move in so they can get more sex and so you'll do their chores. It's a lose lose for you. Plus if you split it's hell. Don't do wife duties for him.

No. 261737

While I think an expectation to live with your loved one is normal for majority of people, you were upfront with him from the beginning that this is not what you want. He has to respect it.

No. 261747

>"oh well I like them too so we're basically gonna compete now."
You're misconstruing what I said. There would be no prolonged competition, I wouldn't care if my friend confessed her feelings but I also wouldn't immediately disappear from the guy's life either. If he wanted to be with her, fine. If he turned her down and professed interest in me, fine. But I wouldn't wait forever if he was waffling in interest for either of us. I hate the idea that women must shoot themselves in the foot for the sake of a "friend" who expresses she wants a man when you have already told her you're interested in him. Why is it on the person who "found him" first to say oh okay I'm out, and prioritize the friend's wants over her own? I would never fight with a female friend over a man, but I have also known many petty pickmes who professed to be friends then backstabbed other women because they themselves wanted to make issues over a scrote. This is assuming both parties are mature adults, not children. At this point it's irrelevant to the issue at hand, who the fuck wants a man who adheres to "bro code" over the woman he is interested in? My entire point is that there are ways to allow one's friend and a potential partner to make their own decisions without fucking off out of the picture entirely. But he did, so he never really gave a shit.

No. 261756

I’d re clarify the boundary and express you are not going to compromise on it. Then if he throws a mantrum leave. He has to respect you and why would you want someone who cares more about their wants than your needs?

No. 261796

>i also have pretty severe body dysmorphia so i end up comparing myself to the girls he talked about/ posted pictures of and feeling really shit.
Oh my god and you are equally if not more upset about being seen as prettier than the women he degraded and raped than you are over him doing the actual degrading and raping. Anon. Pigshit misogynist aside, you need immense amounts of help and should not be touching relationships with a 100 yard pole until you deal with your utter lack of self worth. You are seriously trying to explain away a man's outright EVIL past/likely present because he gives you compliments. You do know there are men capable of giving you compliments and being supportive who have maybe not. Played a large role in ruining women's lives? Find buddha or something. Since you haven't replied I'm also guessing he didn't tell you shit and you just stumbled across this information, so not only is he scum but he hid the fact he was scum from you to deceive you and trick you into staying with him. Fucking incredible.

No. 261864

Projection? But yeah anon wanted advice not the usual farmer hive attitude.
You could just keep contact like normal. The thing between you and the friend is technically none of your crushes business so you can still hold your relationship with him. But from now on you just have to make your intentions a little more clear with your crush. In my op him respecting his friend is a good sign.

No. 261912

I was dating someone for awhile but we ended things a few months ago. I decided to hop back on tinder just to have fun and see what's out there. I've been on a date with 2 guys so far. The first one was fun and interested in all the same stuff as me and we had a blast. Plus he was really funny and good in bed. After we hooked up he stopped replying. I hit him up 2 weeks later to see if he wanted to hang out again but he said he found a girlfriend but appreciated his time with me. I moved on and went out with another guy. This one was far more successful, charming, intelligent, leagues hotter than the first and really has his shit together. I honestly find him intimidating because I'm not on his level. Also he's older and we don't have any common interest. But that's also what fascinates me about him. We had a good time and he paid for the date and drove me home and we hooked up. The sex was fine and he was respectful and then we parted ways. I didn't say anything after that or message him because I felt really stupid for thinking I had a chance for a second date with the last one. Should I put myself out there and ask this one if he would like to go out again? Or should I concede to the fact we're all on this app to get laid and don't expect any pleasantries? I also feel like my insecurity is preventing me for from hitting him up because I feel like I'm beneath him and the dude who got a new bitch in 2 weeks is what I deserve.

No. 261914

If you want you should totally message him, don't overthink it - just idk if there's any point in pursuing anything with a guy you have nothing in common with. Ultimately - if he responds that's good because this is what you wanted, if he doesn't, no loss really. From what you're saying it sounds like he didn't message you after either which can mean he only wanted an one night stand, which is definitely not something you should take personally. Being in somebody's league is 100% subjective, for all we know he could've thought you're his type.
>dude who got a new bitch in 2 weeks is what I deserve.
that's such a vile way to perceive it. You had a nice time with him and after he decided to commit to someone, he stuck to it. Sucks that it's not you but from the outside it seems like he is a good and honest person, just appreciate the time you had together and move on. Once again, same as with one night stand, it's not personal.
Having met only 2 dudes so far is not that much - from what I know about tinder, you'll forget both of these soon enough. Something I think is a good practice is to establish on a first date (maybe even before) is asking whether the other person looks for one time fun or more dating. Sure, men like to lie about it but sometimes you'll meet some that will be upfront and it's good to know to keep your expectations in place.

No. 261924

I know a guy who went to a prostitute when he was 24 because he was still a virgin and couldn’t get any girls (he tried). He also told me he has a small Pepe so he was also ashamed of that.
He was shy with the prostitute also and came in like 5 mins so he spent the rest of the time talking with her. Overall I think she’s prefer a client like that over the average man. Of course the question of how she got to prostitution remains but idk, in my country there’s really good social support and these women still choose to do it (citizens) so idk. I guess it’s different in the US.

No. 261931

Tinder is for sex only, that's why you can go out with very attractive and successful men who might otherwise be out of your league. They won't ever date you tho, just fuck you and then never talk to you again like the first guy. If you enjoy being treated like a disposable hole, go ahead and keep doing this, but it won't be fulfilling.

No. 261939

I left out quite a bit of detail in the last post cause I didn't want it to be ridiculously long and wordy but fuck it. The first guy pursued me and moved quite fast. He texted me consistently for a week before we even met. He was quite persistent with how much he liked me. His photos were old and he didn't know I found all his socials before meeting him so when I asked him to send me a pick of himself before our date he sent the same old photos he posted from 3 to 5 years back thinking I didn't know. We decided to video chat before the date and he was a little chunkier then the pics but still very funny and charming so I let it go. We met up and he said he was waiting to get paid so I decided to treat us for the day. I got coffee at the beginning and later in the evening I got a few rounds of drinks no big deal. When we went back to my place and played video games he asked about my jobs. I thought he was just making conversation so I answered. We kept talking and he told me about all the places he wanted to take me for our next date and how there was a new restaurant thats opening in June and we have to hit it up. We hooked up he spent the night, kissed me goodbye the next morning and told me to text him. So i did. One of the first responses were can I help him get hired at my job. I was super thrown off by this and I said I can talk to him when we meet in person next time. He said cool. A few days go by and he texts me that his car got repossessed and he doesn't know how he's gonna get it back. I told him I was sorry but that I was at work and does he know someone who can take him to get it back. No response. I know these were red flags but I didn't want to judge someone being down on their luck. So I gave him time to get it sorted. I got drunk and was horny and that's when I asked him about meeting up again and he told me he found someone else. Honestly I'm assuming he found one that bought into the love bombing and the sob story. Not the girls fault. The reason why I ask if I should pursue guy number 2 is because I've never dated someone who was that much of a gentleman and would rely on me for nothing. That's why I find him interesting because everything about him is foreign to me. I tend to date fixer uppers because I've got issues. Just wanted to give you more backstory even though you didn't ask. Sorry.

No. 261950

guy 2 definitely sounds better but if he's so successful and charming, why does he need tinder?

No. 261984

Why are you quoting Reddit incel stories here of all places? Like you realize that story was retold and memed to make those rapist piece of shit look better and he probably lied to you?

No. 261985

nta but I didn't even know its a copypasta but here where I live we have a lot of prostitutes running their own businesses self sufficiently. I don't condone sex work but I think if you can do it as your own business and under your own terms it's ok. We even have bdsm clubs here everywhere and all those sex workers are willing employees.

No. 261986

So let me ask you this are women refused benefits if they refuse to apply for sex work because it’s a job? Because Germany does.

No. 261990

I love how you're more interested in defending a guy raping a prostitute now. You're probably talking about yourself in the original post and I hope whatever gf you found dumps you like cold turkey

No. 261993

no I'm in NZ and we have really good worker rights here. I've known a friend from school who went into it willingly and advertises herself online etc. I'm not defending anything I just think it's rude to assume all sw'ers are bashed and have no control over themselves. Women have a lot more agency today than you think, yes, even when it comes to prostitution.

No. 262000

You know you could I don’t know look at actual facts instead of a women who was groomed by society to exploit herself for men? Any man that buys sex is a rapist piece of shit. Those women deserve better. Your friend deserved better if she exists. Those men are aware those women wouldn’t sex with them without money. That’s not consent. You can’t buy consent and it’s been shown the psychological damage women suffer from it.
There’s multiple women ex sex workers from your own country speaking out, but caping for the incels.

No. 262005

My friend has a high sex drive and actually enjoys her job, idk what else to tell you. I was invited to a bdsm club once and people there, even women, were super friendly and open with their love for sex. I know sex trafficking is prevalent but I also think that women having agency over their own sexuality should be accepted now. Not all women should be treated as virgins or children because heaps of adult women go into this industry willingly.

No. 262008

So why are only women running to sell themselves? You’re ignoring the elephant in the room. If she was sexualized by men her entire life she was groomed. Grown men cat call and eyeball little girls. Tv and social media is influencing your brain long before your an adult. Your argument to defend the prostitute buying incel is still false. He’s a rapist who thinks he can buy women’s consent like an object and your friend is a victim of a society grooming herself into seeing her own body as a product for others.

No. 262012

No, she has a mum and dad and decided to go into it due to her sex drive. She also runs a clothing side business. Obviosuly I can't convince you that women have agency over sex so I think I'm just going to stop adding to the derailment of the thread now.

No. 262015

Women can have sex. Women can not consent to be raped for money. Women can have sex with partners they want to and my statement said nothing about mommy and daddy’s so it sounds like you already know the fucking problem nonni. Take your incel cope shit somewhere else if the cognitive dissonance makes you uncomfortable.

No. 262017

women can sell sex for profit if they want. what catholic rock are you living under anon.

No. 262018

Not even religious nonni, but good cope there.

No. 262023

seems like you're the one coping mr male athiest waiting for his virgin handmaiden.

No. 262027

I mean, hypersexuality is usually a sign of underlying mental issues. Even if you have a high libido, it takes a certain amount of mental instability to indiscriminately sleep with a large amount of people for money. Not to mention it's a huge physical risk for women to do so. Women can also consent to being strangled and hit in bed but it doesn't mean it's right to do so

No. 262028

i posted the original post and haven't checked back in until now. i'm not defending sex work, i think it's disgusting and morally bankrupt. he told me everything before we started dating and said that he was ashamed of it and felt horrible. i didn't find out through discord messages. when i mentioned discord and feeling insecure it was in regards to the porn gifs and pictures of costhots he posted. i didn't say 'his past actions are ok because he's nice'. i was just explaining that despite receiving compliments and love i still struggle with insecurity because of body dysmorphia. we've been together for several years now and admittedly when he told me i didn't think 'that poor prostitute'. the internet as a whole is pretty brainwashed and there's a LOT of pro-sex work propaganda. while people know that sex trafficking is an issue, they still say that some girls chose to do it. my opinion on that has changed since he first told me, and he also has far greater awareness. but if you go onto a site like reddit and say prostitution is rape, most people wouldn't agree. i'm not saying that's the correct way to feel, but i wanted to explain that a lot of people view prostitution as just a job and it's easy to fall into that mindset.

No. 262030

Ah so I’m a moid? Not a women the system failed? Fascinating I better go get my phallosurgery right now before the other men sense out my X chromosome and porn category me again.

No. 262032

This thread is becoming insanely triggering to read. Can we stop with the off topic shit now and get back to relationship advice?

No. 262036

i'm sorry nonnie i was just genuinely looking for advice.

No. 262039

I think you know what you have to do nonny but it's not easy to accept. The comfort of a relationship can really keep the wool over your eyes.

No. 262040

My final advice anon, I think if he's guilty about it and actually loves you today and actually respects you, that's all you should pay attention to. Ignore the paragraphs of political stuff. If he treats you well today and doesn't do weird shit behind your back, please enjoy the relationship.

No. 262045

You can have a bf who hasn't raped prostitutes, don't settle for just any moid you can find

No. 262047

admittedly i was expecting more posts like this >>261578 but i think i explained myself and my situation better in my second post >>262028 but i'll leave the thread since i ended up upsetting/triggering some people. sorry guys

No. 262050

don't feel bad anon, so many of us know that this thread is insanely cruel and full of negative advice rather than positive. People here would rather school you and put you down about your decisions than treat you like a good person going through problems.
I think you should enjoy your relationship anon, just watch how he acts in the present. Living in the present is more important than anything.

No. 262051

anons in this thread will always fight you on whatever negative you mention about your relationship and instantly tell you to leave. Instead of actually exploring the goods and bads they focus on the bad. Granted, don't settle for less as they say, but my husband and I were both in jail and I think we've developed a healthy relationship for ourselves despite our previous shortcomings. Believe in your gut and take advice from real people, not online schizos.

No. 262080

Except in your case both you and your husband have a degenerate past. In the original anon's case it is just her boyfriend who has a horrible past and she is normal. She could do better than him, you probably couldn't.

No. 262090

No. 262091

Help me get over this boy who has been leading me on bc idk what to do, it really hurts. I think I get attached to quickly and I didn’t realize he lost interest until he was flirting with another girl right in front of me. I feel so shitty he wasn’t even a good person so idk why I feel like this I feel like I’ve been used he’s much more experienced than me and to make it worse he stills texts me like nothings happened idk what to do

No. 262093

File: 1651947506022.gif (29.95 KB, 220x292, pedro-monkey-puppet.gif)

>hypersexuality is usually a sign of underlying mental issues
When is it actually hypersexuality?

No. 262142

White men and Asian women relationships are what I want more. We need more

No. 262163

Block him. Right now. Block his number. His social media. That man put in a box in your head. He’s dead. That man never existed. He put on a face to pretend to be someone he wasn’t and now he’s done playing his con till he wants something. That’s not your fault. He should have communicated the change. Go for a walk. Put on a movie. Get into one your hobbies. Focus on you, not him. Redirect your focus on you. He made himself your focus because it’s what moids do. You should be your focus. Fuck him.

No. 262282


Um why? White men fetishize Asian women. It's not like there is a lack of these relationships.

No. 262284


They think they like it, but they like the validation. I was a sex worker and I bought into the lib fem idea that I was empowered. I never made the connection that maybe it had to do with the fact that I was sexually abused multiple times from ages 10 and up. Finally got some therapy, sorted myself out, and I'm honestly repulsed by my past. The way I let men treat me, the things I let them say to me and do to me.. I wish I could go back in time and stop myself. Sex work is not empowering, it's self harm.

No. 262298

What do you do if you catch your man in a lie? I asked him if he has ever cheated before, and he said no, but I found his Reddit history and read every single comment he has ever made. He wrote on there that he has cheated. He also commented once in a sub for escorts. Should I confront him? He is taking me on vacation this summer and paying for the whole thing. I am thinking I should just let him pay for a few things then confront. I am not sure if I can trust him ever, this is a huge red flag.

No. 262300

>What do you do if you catch your man in a lie?
Just confront him. There's nothing else you can do. Maybe even screenshot all those comments before he goes and deletes them, if it was me I would even confront him with those comments.
>taking me on vacation
Is it worth it if you're just going to be arguing and worrying the whole time?

No. 262301

I have known about this for the past two months and we haven't argued. I just thought I would let him get away with it, but it has been bothering me since he wants to become more serious and talks about moving in together. I think I'll just enjoy the vacation and margaritas, because I'm a broke bitch and it will be nice. I'll confront him after and if he has no good excuse or gets defensive, I'll walk. If he confesses and apologizes, I'm not sure… I might forgive him but I definitely will not let my guard down.

No. 262303



Forgot to thank you for the screencap idea, that's smart. Will definitely do that for my planned confrontation.

No. 262305

>should just let him pay for a few things then confront
based anon go for it

No. 262306

If I were you, it would sour the vacation for me knowing that I'm spending time with someone who has cheated, and also has probably paid to masturbate into a woman. Disgusting and pathetic behavior on his part

No. 262308

this is why snooping on men is always acceptable

No. 262309

>I just thought I would let him get away with it
>If he confesses and apologizes… I might forgive
Why and why??

No. 262335

I fucking hate the thread pic. I would of thought anon would know better than to use this ugly scrotish art made by A disgusting scrote. Even breaking bad fujo was better.

No. 262336

It’s also disgusting because the woman is comforting the man and men don’t deserve comfort

No. 262341

you are the reason this thread is so hated and found to be vile.
Niggas like you are why I will literally never ask for advice here. This new wave of lolcow bpd lesbians telling us all to leave our boyfriends and hate men fucking sucks. There is no where left to go for advice anymore.(USER HAS BEEN PUT OUT TO PASTURE)

No. 262342

I comfort my bf all the time just as much as he comforts me. Should I leave him????

No. 262344

>This new wave
kek, are you new?

No. 262346

unfortunately, yes.

No. 262350

so edgy and savage. who hurt you

No. 262351

are you? lc has had a major shift over the last decade where we went from general autists and nerds to really angry zoomer bpd schizos who yell at you if you write a typo.

No. 262356

lesbians aren't new here

No. 262357

The only white men who date asian women are the ones who can't get a white woman cause they are too autistic, fat, ugly or all of the above. Usually the types of guys who are super into anime and extremely pornsick. They go for asian women because they are the only ones who would date them at all cause white women walk a big circle around them.

No. 262360

Schizos hijacking harmless posts and infighting over their personal obsessions/politics aren't. Don't play dumb, you know what she means with her post c'mon

No. 262361

>you know what she means with her post c'mon
>new wave of lolcow bpd lesbians
There is no new wave. Just oldfags who came back after a long period of manhate being banned from all boards except 2X.

No. 262363

Are you ignoring the (very) obvious twitterfags or what? Y'know, the kind who pretend to be radfem/lesbians or whatever to shit on other anons regularly

No. 262376

Based and true
Go back to 4chan and Twitter newfag

No. 262378

If that offends you rather than making you laugh, go to plebbit if you want to cape for men so desperately.

No. 262381


Sometimes true, but not always. I can't tell if you're a white woman who thinks white women are superior or if you're a self hating Asian.

No. 262384

>cape for men
All of a sudden wanting to help anons out in their loves lives is suddenly caping for men.
It makes no sense. You have so many same sex threads that you can literally go and give advice there. If your only response to every anon is to be political, bring anons down, tell them that their men are worthless, why even come here on your soapbox if you're flailing the same rhetoric?
If you're a lesbian or radfem anyway, who gives you the right to even give advice to people in heterosexual relationships? If you hate men, why come to a thread where women are asking for advice for men only to tell them to leave their men?

No. 262392

I just got broken up with and I want my ex back. I’m bpd and none of the typical bpd tactics worked on him. He’s like a breath of fresh air because he really says what he means and is so pure at heart. No one in my life is like that. When things were good together they were absolutely perfect. He was such a good example to me of what life could be like if I improve through DBT.
What do I do if I want him back?

No. 262393

It may sound like they hate all men, but no. They specifically hate men who take advantage of women and are disillusioned with women who let those types of men push them around, despite the obvious crappy behavior and warnings from nonnies. Most men aren't worth dating and women are bound to pick a dud if they aren't experienced or extremely intuitive/have high emotional intelligence.
As for that anon, clearly that was hyperbole for laughs, although there is a grain of truth. A lot of men don't deserve comfort from women because they just take advantage of it and don't provide it.

No. 262397

>hated and found to be vile.
By whom?
Also hating trashy men and shitposting about them isn't political or radfem.

No. 262403

Don’t you know Noni if you tell someone to leave their boyfriend for not washing his ass it’s clearly a political action meant to hurt all men? On a Sidenote can we not respond to clear bait. Rule of thumb if someone drops an n word it’s best not to respond. Especially followed by whores, it’s just trolling or mental illness derailing and you can’t help those people.
I don’t do lies. It’s a hard line. It was one of the first ones I developed as an adult. If I catch someone in a lie the trust is broken and I’m no longer interested. No trust no relationship. I’m clear on that up front though. People still lie and act shocked when I leave though. Not my business. I have no interest in confrontation or the huge emotional blowout. I’d rather grieve and save my pride by myself and then rebuild without someone who disrespected me.
Caught an ex cheating while moving out like confirmed he was lying about trying to make things work with, different womens panties in the hamper. Didn’t even fight him. Waited till I had all my shit out and threw her panties I found in the hamper at him and told him to return them and left.
Why spend my time and energy on someone no longer worth it? But you do you Noni. If you go on vacation I hope you have fun and it’s chill.

No. 262411

I agree with you completely. If you explode at them they'll feel like they're in the right. Best thing is to calmly disengage, leave, and make them feel like they're less than dirt. It's not worth it to waste time and energy on someone who will be a distant memory.

No. 262412

>crying over a joke “men bad” post
Your bf would never be upset over a misogynistic joke btw

No. 262482

this thread has always been toxic, especially after scanditard its almost like there was a spike in bullying.

No. 262568

I need your advice nonas!
I've been together with my boyfriend for 5 years now, living together for 6 months. He's actually a really good and caring guy, he cooks for me, cleans the house because it's fun for him and he's got a great humor and on top of that is very hard working.
The only thing that is becoming increasingly hard is having conversations about how to make our relationship better. What I'm trying to say is that our communication skills sadly aren't the best and every time I try to talk about that with him he gets terribly defensive.
We had a really stupid and small argument earlier because he wanted me to do something, but wasn't specific on how he wanted it done. When I tried asking him to specify he got upset because in his mind he was clear enough and he got irritated, because I still didn't understand (I'm a bit on the spectrum and need very detailed instructions when being asked things) and that made me angry as well, because he wouldn't elaborate.
After everything was done I thought we both had calmed down and I asked him nicely, if he could be more specific next time and also if I don't understand, if he could be more patient and not get annoyed that fast.
He was not having it at all and said that he was specific enough and that he had to work now and just went off to his room (he works from home). That's how it often goes when I try to talk about the uncomfortable aspects of the relationship. 90% of the time our life together is completely harmonious so I really don't understand his aversion to talking about stuff at all? I don't want to critique him as a person, I just want our communication to improve, so what should I do to get him to talking about stuff like that?
He has already adjusted some behaviours before, as did I when we had problems so I don't know why this topic is so hard for him.

Sorry for my bad puctuation, I'm ESL

No. 262574


This level of defensiveness is indicative of a deeper issue of fragile ego. I dealt with this with the same guy for 7 years - huge waste of my life. It never got better. Personally, poor communication skills is a deal breaker for me these days. It's foundational to a good relationship. People who lack the humility for introspection and self growth are insufferable… just walk away.

No. 262578

You might need another argument. Like just sit this dude down and basically force him to talk it out. But you gotta let him know how his actions make you feel because if he still refuses even after you opened up to him about it then its time to rethink the relationship a bit.
But if you really love eachother it can work out nonnie! Its never simple.

No. 262583

He sounds like the typical man who folds and shuts down when faced with any sort of conflict or criticism. He should always want to work on your relationship and make things better for you, but he'd rather sulk like a little bitch. Unfortunately, you're going to have to be the bigger person here, and mention that you both need to work on these issues to make your relationship better. Remind him that you both can't sweep issues under the rug, unresolved issues bubble under the surface and come back up later.

No. 262594

if you're autistic then use that as an explanation of why you need even more detailed instructions; your brain is different and you cannot intuit things other people can. him getting angry over your request is needlessly cruel, if he loves you he should be understanding that he will have to consciously work to communicate well with you.

No. 262598

Thank you all for responding, I think I'm going to sit down with him soon to talk it out, as the relationship is very important to me and I see a good chance that we can overcome our problems. I'm not a perfect person either, so..

I'm considered "high functioning" so I feel like it can be easy to forget that my brain works a bit different sometimes. I'll try to remind him. Maybe my tism is also at fault for how I express my concrit to him. I can be very direct and that often causes people to be offended when I dont actually mean to be rude.

No. 262641

Not to defend the scrote but it can be genuinely frustrating explaining something to an autistic person. You basically need to be a special education teacher to have the patience to deal with that over and over again. For example you ask them to load the dishwasher, and you have to explain to them for 30 minutes where everything goes and how to do it, something that a normal person just has to watch once and then has no issue with it. If it's a menial task like that maybe just try to watch a youtube tutorial or something instead of asking your boyfriend to explain it, then you can rewind it as much as you need.

No. 262647

If he wants it done a certain way he can ask nicely and explain in a way you understand. You’re not his maid or employee. Your his partner and if he is acting like an entitled ass he can do it himself. 90% of the time they don’t want it that way for an actual reason and if he does than he can tell you. And it better be something more than because that’s how I want it. Because that’s not how the world works.

No. 262648

You honestly sound like you’re just here to defend the scrote and your opinion isn’t helpful. She’s already aware communication can be harder because she’s on the spectrum. Why beat her across the head for it? >>262598
Also if he doesn’t understand your needs. I would just leave. I’ve fought those battles and those “logical” moids always ended up having raging mental health issues they took out on me because of my soft boundaries.

No. 262664

you guys have 0 boundaries, that's why you have issues communicating with the men in your life. you're afraid of showing teeth, instead of telling them to stop being stupid and do the simple task that a child could do, belittling them once or twice until they've learnt their lesson and never bother you about it again, you'd rather cry about how men refuse to ~communicate~

No. 262674

>you guys
Anon stop playing this game of imagining the love lives of multiple anons based on one or two sentences. You sound nuts here.

No. 262691

Thats an oxymoron.

No. 262709

no you sound nuts, stop oversharing on imageboards and maybe it wouldn't be so easy to draw conclusions about your life.

No. 262737

Anons…I just broke up with my first bf. I only thought I was going to, then I thought about it so much that it ended up happening today. I am a little bit drunk and kind of in shock. I blocked him on everything. Sadly I don't have any girl friends to help me through this. I just want to know what I can do to keep from falling apart.

No. 262763

I feel for you, nonnie. Breaking up with someone is never fun, even more so if it's your first serious relationship. Give yourself time to process the emotions, but never forget why you broke up with him in the first place. Lots of people end up returning to their partners because they feel lonely or start missing them. Don't make that mistake and eventually you're going to be ok, just give it some time.

No. 262768

Don't ever doubt your decision!
Your time is precious and if someone isn't making you happy. You should move forward. One day you might even look back and wonder why you didn't so sooner.

Best of luck.

No. 262770

My boyfriend tried to have the baby talk with me because once of his friends got married and had a child with his wife. I kinda freaked out because everything about babies and children and responsibility scares me especially the sacrifices we women have to make. I do love my boyfriend and we have been together for 5 years but since we had this talk I feel trapped and suddenly have the urge to get a plane ticket and go to a different continent or something. Is this normal?

No. 262773

This just gave me a wake up call. The moids I've chosen have all been hot, but NEETs, losers, unaffectionate, and so on. I'm currently entertaining a loser that hasn't asked to see me in 6 months. Probably only because he's attractive, because everything else about him annoys me and he's cheap as fuck.

I'm going to skyrocket my standards, I want hot AND affectionate. I want to be the center or someone's fucking world, fuck these entitled losers

No. 262774

Do you want kids? Eventually, or ever?

I clam up at the idea of kids, I would nope out if a bf tried to talk to me about them. Men always act like it's so easy too, as if giving birth is as easy as coming in someone.

No. 262782

No I don't want kids and I cannot see myself as a parent. I also dislike how his reason for having kids was "because it's normal" and "everyone has kids". I can already see myself in this relationship carrying the pregnancy to term and then he will make comments about my body after I pushed the baby out in a very painful process and saying shit like "oh it's not that bad" or telling me to calm down (he already says stuff like that when bad things happen to me). After that I will have anxiety about him not loving me anymore because my body probably changed during the pregnancy and then take his passive-aggressive shit about me not working hard enough at the gym and not dieting enough because his standard of after-baby-bodies are instagram models. Also him being angry with me when I get depression after the pregnancy and being extremely insensitive about it. I can already see myself take care of the child while working full time and do all of the household chores while the only thing he has to do is go to work and ofc he can go to the gym every evening and not change his schedule. These are all the things he already kinda does without us having children but exaggerated and it is a nightmare. I do not want kids with this person EVER. Get me the plane ticket NOW.

No. 262783

Then girl you gotta break up. There are men out there who do not want kids, there are men who don't mind, and there are men who want kids and are willing to do ALL the work aside from the giving birth. There is zero use for you staying with a moid who will pressure you into pregnancy just to treat you like shit after. Dumb moids just want to spread their genes then totally disregard their family.

I get you tho, every date I go on the man asks me when I want kids and how many I want. Fucker, I just met you, why do you want to impregnate me?

No. 262787

Yeah if you do not want kids and he does you need to tell him.
Is there a reason you guys haven't had a conversation about kids before? Just unusual that you guys have been together so long and not spoken about it.
Generally it's better to have that conversation earlier on so you don't invest in a relationship that will not work out in the end.

No. 262789

You really need to leave this relationship. And as this anon said >>262787 its kind of weird that you never discussed this sort of thing in 5 years, I've been with my bf for 3 and we were already discussing children in our first year.

If he wants to start a family and you don't, then it's basically going to be incompatible forever. Either you will be unhappy forever caving in and having kids, or he will be unsatisfied that he can't start a family.

Luckily in this century there are plenty of people who want to go without family and kids, so you two really need to consider the fact that there is just no compatible future for you two because your end goals are entirely different.

No. 262790

You seem like you have a lot of undealt anxiety. You wrote a whole paragraph of "what ifs" that haven't even happened yet. And you definitely seem unhappy in the relationship. The fact that you two have different ideals of the future should also be enough to seal the deal. Break up and get therapy.

No. 262797

I'm not whatever anon you think I am but nobody 'overshared' in the first place. Your particular style of scitzo posting is just getting annoying lately.

No. 262798

Just go easy on the drinking (can lead to impulsive texting of exes) but you'll be OK anon. The first is often the hardest. It'll pass.

No. 262801

you don't even know how to spell schizo. stop using words you heard yesterday as an attempt on some sort of epic clapback. those anons clearly do have boundary issues, one of them even straight up admitted it herself. now stop replying to me and get help if you're one of them.

No. 262845

My bf pissed all over my legs after we had sex last night. It happened right after we finished and were cuddling, I don't know what the fuck happened to him in that small time gap but I felt a warm tingling feeling down my leg, ofc I lift the covers and I smell the stench of piss. The sheets were wet and it's definitely not from the sex we just had so we're both sitting just fucking staring at the sheets until he starts apologizing and rushing to shower while I changed the piss covered sheets. Fuck. I was so confused, humiliated and disgusted at the time but now I feel kinda bad. But why would a grown man piss himself suddenly??? When he finished rinsing off he kept saying "I don't know, I don't know why it happened" and we didn't get to talk at all this morning since he left earlier than usual, he's coming home from work soon and I don't know how to address this. Can anyone please tell me how to approach this? I'm honestly a little turned off and a wave of the smell hits me sometimes but I feel so petty… I don't know what to think right now

No. 262849

I would want to make sure that it's not some kink thing he did to you without your consent, espcecially seeing as he did it right after sex.. and right onto you. What a time to happen to piss yourself.

No. 262850

First time accident… Ok that was weird, but let's not make it a habit.
Second time, still an accident…? Nu uh.

No. 262851

File: 1652205370055.jpg (22.08 KB, 480x360, c4d7b939819f3dbe1c24173485b921…)

That's really fucking weird. It's normal you're turned off. It's not petty at all to be grossed out, this grown man pissed on you. Does he usually have trouble holding it in?

No. 262857

If it really was an accident he might have an enlarged prostate. Tell him to go to the doctor

No. 262858

According to what I read about men's biology down there…he could have been holding it in for a while, then ejaculated, after which he couldn't hold it in anymore and pissed himself without realising. I want it to be that, nonna! Read about it! It's been a while, but iirc they have a mechanism that prevents them from peeing if they have to ejaculate, it all has to do with the fact they have only one orifice for both functions, whereas us ladies have two, one for each function (urethra for pee, vagina for sex).

No. 262877

Yes, his erection and or ejaculation could have been holding in pee from a full bladder and then when that stopped he pissed himself.
Make sure he pees before sex and this wont happen again unless there’s some underlying problem

No. 263027

Do you have an update after talking to him?

I know sex and bladders have a connection, we have to consider our bladders too when it comes to sex but I fail to see how he felt no urgency and then had no awareness he was even pissing on you. Where does total numbness like that come from? There's no biological explanation for why he didn't just feel the urge right after sex finished… and get up to pee. We've all been there. Male and female, awkwardly having to pee immediately after sex happens. But laying there and peeing onto your partner does not. That's not a 'oh that's just how penises are' moment

No. 263117

It's normal to feel turned off. Did he accidentally sleep while you were cuddling? Sometimes people accidentally piss themselves while sleeping if their bladder is too full. I don't know, it's the only thing I can think of, especially cause a lot of moids just sleep really quickly after fucking, even if they wake up as quickly afterwards

No. 263138

A girl I work with told me that everyone thinks we are dating. Should I ask her out?

No. 263140

File: 1652297998542.jpg (55.3 KB, 427x640, ef24df1a3d69570700ba939f39c81f…)

Go for it!

No. 263149

Our (legal) wedding is in 4 months and my fiance just opened up about how he disagrees with how financial and legal responsibilities are handled for spouses in our country. He's been the most gentle, kind and caring person the past 6 years but suddenly I am a risk. We went to relationship counseling and it turns out he has huge abandonment issues. He wants to have an informal ceremony now (ie. religious and civic marriages are a different thing where we live) but it feels like we're just pretending so we don't have to tell our families about what happened. I love him dearly and I feel like I just want to bury myself somewhere. Nonnies, just kill me already.

No. 263166

>gamer, quit his job before he had another lined up
That already sounds like the guy I'm interested in but he isn't a pothead and actually have money saved. I'm really hoping he gets a job though I'm glad that he's working on himself while being unemployed
>I cringe to death when I think about the moids I used to choose before, seriously gives me vertigo and nausea. Bottomfeeder losers, with no intent to stop being NEETs, small dicked and chubby.
same here, I cringe at the guys I used to date who were just like you described. I couldn't believe I stayed with them until they dumped me and made me feel undesired.

No. 263170

Maybe he should find something he can exercise to separately that isn't the standard cardio? The guy I'm dating does cycling and is hoping to get back into lifting weights in the gym meanwhile I like to do cardio, swimming and dancing.

No. 263171

we both have 0 social skills so it worked out

No. 263174

I don't get how this anon >>261914 could see the first guy as a good and honest person especially after explaining this >>261939

Kinda reminds me of the guy i wanted to date but he was in a friends with benefits with some women. He ended up finally getting with someone a few weeks after I told him I was interested in him. It became pretty obvious he wanted to just sleep with me when he tried to get me into a threesome with his new gf and and confessed wanted to sleep with me before he got with his gf.

No. 263178

Honestly I'm impressed he's managed to go this far with all the planning and so with his abandonment issues, I have that too and I clam up at the very thought of getting married, despite really loving my partner. From my perspective it seems you mean a LOT to him. Would it be possible for you to delay the wedding for some more time, and do some work in either couple counseling or him alone in individual therapy?

No. 263181

Maybe because I wrote what I wrote before OP clarified things in her second post lmao

No. 263212

I need some help from anons here. I'm just tired of relationships, they all tend to follow the same pattern for me. I meet a guy, everything's great, I communicate I would like a relationship in future but I'm aware we're still getting to know each other so no need to rush, etc. We move to a stage where we usually do everything an official couple would do, see each other often, be exclusive, talk to our close friends about the other person, open up, etc. But I can't seem to be able to get the official status of bf and gf.

I do take the time to get to know the other person and around lets say the 4 month mark I start to feel very bitter and annoyed that everything seems great but I still feel this "not yet" mentality from them. It drives me crazy because we basically already have what I would consider a relationship, considering I don't want to get married or have children in the future. I just want a partner and someone I can plan a future with, grow together, etc. I don't feel comfortable thinking this way before I know we're both in the same place, etc.

So I'm stuck in this limbo were I feel we have a good relationship but something is missing, like I'm not good enough for them to consider me this way. More than once I've confronted them and I get the usual shit about me rushing or that they need to be sure about it, etc. More than once I've ended a relationship because of this, and I usually get the "you pushed too much, you need to chill, let it flow, it's just a word" shit from people around me and my friends. Like it's my fault that I'm not "cool" when I give a shit about the other. Why is it so bad to WANT the word? To have the security of it even if nothing in terms of our day to day would change? And if they don't care about the word why not just give me the benefit of humoring me?

I'm having that issue right now with the guy I'm seeing and I'm just so tired of finding myself in the same place over and over when I'm and incredibly attentive, sweet, and chill partner. I don't get it. I know anons are going to tell me I'm an idiot, to dump him, that I'm too nice/pickme or whatever for "waiting" for them to be ready. I just don't know what are the "rules" anymore, relationships seem so complicated and I just find myself thinking everyone is such a fucking pussy nowadays. "Oh I guess I will wait for this undetermined amount of time for you to make up your fucking mind then" even though I'm sure 4 months is more than enough time to KNOW if you like someone.

My feeling is that they do it to have all the benefits of a partner but not own up to any of the responsabilities for it, like planning a vacation with me or being there for certain events, etc. He told me recently he's taking a trip in a few months with his best friend and I just feel like I can't say anything because OF COURSE I'm not his girlfriend and I would be "uncool" to be unhappy about it (I'm not too much, I just wonder if he would ever plan something with me…). I fucking hate the position as woman we end up in, we are either the person they can step all over or the bitch that they can complain to their friends about.

I'm sorry for the long post, I just needed to rant.

No. 263220

>my feeling is that they do it to have all the benefits of a partner but not own up to any of the responsibilities for it
You answered your own question anon. Now I am really autistic so my advice is probably not the best, but I always ask for 'I love you's'and commitment very early on. I've been in three relationships and the guy I am with is as autistic as me and we exchanged I love yous a month in, we are going on a few years now.
I think your problem may be that you aren't finding men with the same passion as you, and you are sort of waiting around for them to become passionate at some point. There are no rules at all I believe, you need to find a man that makes you feel like he is responsible and in love with you very early on, otherwise you're just going to be wasting a lot of time with men who only have one foot in. You're dating normies I guess I want to say? Find someone as full on as you want it to be and you should feel that almost in the first few dates with a guy. Good luck anon

No. 263226

>He told me recently he's taking a trip in a few months with his best friend and I just feel like I can't say anything because OF COURSE I'm not his girlfriend and I would be "uncool" to be unhappy about it (I'm not too much, I just wonder if he would ever plan something with me…).
You have a type.

No. 263235

You're obviously self aware. I know it's a gross phrase but what you've described is many men's "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" attitude. I'm not autistic like >>263220 but even in my last relationship my ex and I established we wanted to be exclusive bf/gf and were developing feelings for one another a month in. We said I love you in the second month and were together for years. If a guy really wants you, he will make it clear. If someone isn't doing that for you, then you are within your rights to drop them since your goals are not aligned. Every man is going to say "yeah sure I want a relationship" if he's getting girlfriend benefits without actually having to commit. Don't let them use you like that. The only "rules" that matter are your own. Set your own time limit in say, 2 months before you're getting frustrated, and if a guy hasn't made a move to lock you down by then, move on to the next. Stop wasting time on guys you're hoping will finally see your value. You deserve better than that. Anyone who says you need to chill is just projecting. What's fine for them may not be for you and that doesn't make you crazy or pushy. Just incompatible.

No. 263237

just walk away, don't ask for the word, it's not worth it. I've been the unavailable person in this dynamic, except I let my ex have the title because I felt bad and "nothing would change anyway". but everything changes for the person actually invested, as you might imagine.

> even though I'm sure 4 months is more than enough time to KNOW if you like someone

in my case, my ex was nice enough in a really broad, generic sort of way, so she was always fun and pleasant to be around, so I kept agreeing to go on dates and I thought I needed to give it time. and it just kept escalating until I realized I didn't actually like her like that.

No. 263239

It is very normal for men to need to pee after sex. I've read that there is an important biological function at play, which is to clear out any semen that may be leftover in the urethra post-ejaculation. I suppose it is possible that it could have been some fetish freak shit, but I think it's highly likely he was simply struck by that urge while very post-orgasm sleepy or something and had an accident.

No. 263244

>We move to a stage where we usually do everything an official couple would do, see each other often, be exclusive, talk to our close friends about the other person, open up, etc. But I can't seem to be able to get the official status of bf and gf.
Wait, so you establish that you're exclusive but it's not considered an official relationship? How so?

No. 263251

nta but because he peed himself? Is he meant to change the sheets while dripping all over the floor? Jesus christ anon she's just helping in a weird situation, don't reach so hard.

No. 263301

Thank you for sharing your perspective, nonnie, I haven't thought about this like that.

We already postponed the wedding once due to covid and he said he wouldn't feel comfortable calling it off (because in his mind he "ruined it"). That's why we thought having a not legally binding ceremony that allows us to celebrate would make things easier. We're currently in counseling. The overall timing of all of this is just unfortunate and I don't want to pressure him. Again, your perspective really helped me a lot to see something positive I haven't been seeing before.

No. 263309

Nta, he pissed on her too so she's dripping in piss too. His piss.. I don't think it's a reach to think it's his job to sort out the sheets when HE pissed them and pissed all over her while he's at it. wtf is with the bending over to defend men

No. 263315

Nonnies idk where to meet good men. I'm 27, student, year after a breakup, tried tinder mostly. I had a lot of two/one month relationships that didn't work out (last one I dumped because he kept being shitty to me for some reason). Now I feel like I don't see any more guys of my type on tinder and it feels like I'm going through a trashcan while swiping.
Bad thing is I don't really wanna date a guy from my field (we'd be both too busy) plus I'm pretty shy at classes so I don't think I will find love there.
What can I even do then?? Go to coffee shops and make eye contact with handsome guys? Do I try app like Meetup for hobbies and hope someone will emerge there? Go to bars? I feel like I'm hopeless.

No. 263333

Agreed. He should've let her shower first and cleaned the sheets in the meanwhile. Seems like common sense when you're PISSING OVER YOUR GIRLFRIEND

No. 263345

I'm glad if it helped you a bit! I can only imagine how difficult it has to be for a well adjusted person like you to manage something like this, it's probably hard to not feel confused. I hope things work out well for you two, it really seems like they will.

No. 263407

Honestly, I personally just prefer to be direct and upfront. I feel like lots of men don't really want to commit anyways or need a very on the nose kind of situation where you ask them about the relationship. Otherwise they can use you however much they want and always play the "we weren't exclusive tho" card.
If they decline your advances they're wasting your time anyway. Idk if it's got to do with age, but I don't play these games anymore. If they want a relationship - nice, if they don't you can move on faster.

No. 263441

>>263315 in my experience hobbies are the best way to meet people. You might find it easier to worry less about meeting a boyfriend and just think about making friends. That way you might feel a bit less shy and if you click with someone you can take it further. Personally I would prefer to be single until I met someone I was compatible with rather than be in a lot of relationships that fizzle out. I met my boyfriend at a gig and I only spoke to him because I needed to borrow a phone charger, but that was enough of an excuse to get chatting and get to know each other. Plus if you meet through a hobby you will definitely have something in common but it's not like meeting someone at work ot university where you might end up being together all the time, which can put a lot of pressure on the relationship. Good luck nonnie and remember you don't need to be in a relationship so take your time and find someone who is a really good match. If you get it right you might only need to do it once!

No. 263533

File: 1652442981526.jpeg (46.56 KB, 640x646, 1649079155145.jpeg)

It's my birthday and I am once again reminded that I have never been and will never be in a relationship with someone who loves me as much love as I love them.

No. 263535

File: 1652443674425.jpeg (137.65 KB, 900x642, A6724244-9386-4405-92D9-D6BB57…)

Happy birthday Nonita. You deserve to be loved with the same intensity you give. Don't settle for anything less!

No. 263546

Yeah, not going to happen for most of us considering the huge deficit of people (particularly men) capable of real love. I stopped spoiling others hoping they'd reciprocate and just started spoiling myself instead. Haven't regretted it in the least. Hope you do something nice for yourself today.

No. 263548

Thank you nonna

I bought myself new shoes

No. 263562

this is going to sound severely autistic, but my (platonic) male friend gave me a kind of long hug today after we talked in his car. I obviously hugged him back and then dipped. Could he be into me? I hope not because that would make our friendship so awkward.

No. 263565

I really don't think men are capeable of the kind of love women are. Women are willing to sacrifice so much for other people's comfort and well-being, we are so empathetic and considerate and we just want to please others and make them happy. Men don't get positive feelings from doing selfless acts for others so they never do them unless condidioned to. They don't remember your birthday unless you remind them 10 times and if they get you something its only cause it's what is expected of them and not because they truly want to make your day or make you happy. All acts of kindness are a chore to them. If there is nothing in it for them they don't care to do things.

And you really notice it when you have a fight too, all men I have ever been with have been unable to handle me being upset with them for something they did. They don't think "Oh I have hurt your feelings, let me find a way to make it better" they think "you being upset inconveniences ME and I don't like that". Then they get outright angry at you for being upset cause their feelings > your feelings. Always. It is just so sad to me how completely self centered and without empathy men are.

I just want someone who cares about me the same way I care about them. Who wants to go out of their way to make me happy without me having to ask or beg for it. I just don't think it exists in men.

No. 263567

File: 1652452217162.jpeg (249.65 KB, 1170x923, B44910A6-BC39-4023-AFF1-A6AF93…)

My boyfriend has been going through a lot of shit with his family and just general life stuff. He's also been trying to not vent towards me since the one time he caught me off guard with it, so I think he's just internalizing a lot of his feelings again. He didn't wanna call last night because he was worried he was gonna end up snapping at me.
I wanna help him out but I don't know how. We're LDR so I'm kinda limited in what I can do.

No. 263568

Call me Pollyanna, but I highly doubt that, nonnie. There's always a someone.

No. 263570

You're a woman, your straight male friends will always be willing to bang. It's just a fact of life.

No. 263571

I get what you're saying but still, it's such a loser mentality to have. It doesn't matter if the majority of men are trash, that there aren't enough good men to go around, whatever other excuse, you only have to find one (1) who will treat you as you deserve. Yeah, enjoy your own company and spoil yourself anyway, but if you're really determined to have such a person in your life keep looking and you will find them.

No. 263572

Have you had any success or are you just a hopeless romantic?

No. 263574

nta but I've had success, not in my first two relationships but with my husband now. He is empathetic and selfless, even found a new job when we first started dating so he could pay my medical bills etc.
There are nice people out there, you just have to look and be open.

No. 263585

It kind of depends on the context, like did you have an emotional or serious conversation with them lately? Maybe they just wanted to be slightly more affectionate, or didn't know when to break off the hug so it lingered a bit too long. Doesn't necessarily mean they're into you, you'd have to consider how they interact with you at other points to have a better idea.

No. 263649

I agree with the other anon. straight male friends, specifically close guy friends that you hang out with a lot, would probably want to bang you even if they aren't romantically into you.

But yeah i think he's into you. I still remember one of my guy friend would give me long hugs, a month later he confessed that he's interested in me.

No. 263680

File: 1652474223322.png (17.85 KB, 223x223, 1643833977335.png)

my bf just straight up told me today he doesn't care about my feelings at all

No. 263682

What was the context?

No. 263683

Hopefully not your boyfriend anymore…

No. 263685

I'm sure you mean ex. What's the point of staying with someone that doesn't care about you?

No. 263686

I care, my dear noni.

No. 263690

He wants to fuck you because that's all they're wired to do.
I wouldn't pass out around him unless you want to find out how males treat their (platonic) woman friends

No. 263807

File: 1652538630674.gif (437.33 KB, 600x800, fd3062d2a4c07ef244bccd26ea9dc9…)

I'm stuck (as in quite literally stuck, currently saving but cannot afford to move out for a while) with a boyfriend of 5 years who just always seems to forget about me nowadays and is very reluctant/not interested in doing shit with me unless it's buying me food or fixing something for me.
It's a really nice day today and I ideally do not want to be stuck in the house doing nothing, neither of us are at work, so I just asked if he wanted to go to the park or just go out and get some fresh air anywhere. No, he never accepts, all he does is go to work and then come home and play games.
I know that he can do what he wants with his free time but he is honestly boring as fuck and can't follow through with any sort of plans, I'm tired of asking and I've decided I can't keep asking him anymore.

Last week he said he would arrange for us to go to the zoo which we both really like, I was happy about that and now he's just completely forgotten about it. I refuse to arrange and do things for him because I'm not his maid, but then he just forgets about the most simple shit - I cannot even remember the last time we had a date, I think it was when the newest Batman movie came out and we went to the cinema. Before that, I can't even recall. We don't have a lot of money but we both work so it's entirely possible to go on dates that are cheap, but he just isn't interested, and if he does plan something he always forgets about it and never books it.
His excuses are that he's just tired or just doesn't want to, but he never seems "too tired" enough to sit at his PC and play games. I enjoy gaming too, but if it's a nice day and I see an opportunity to get some fresh air I'll go do it.

Idk what to do, like I said I wish I could leave but it's honestly not an option for me right now. Most of the time I can deal with this because I go to the gym and have other personal hobbies but it's like this isn't even a relationship anymore. There's no excitement, no romance, no spending quality time with eachother because he just forgets about me like it's that easy. I feel like we are roommates more than anything else.
I'd like some advice on this, I'm not going to baby him and arrange EVERYTHING for him as if he's incapable because then I know it doesn't come from a place of love or romance or effort. I'm wondering if there's any other advice nonnies can give me (Ik some of it will just be to dump him but that's kind of hard when you live under the same roof and you don't have any family to move back in with)

No. 263810

Do you have a friend or extra family member you can stay with until you get yourself situated? Also, do you have a job? If not, you NEED a job to be independent and be able to move out asap. Seems to me like your bf has forgotten about you (literally) and is probably just comfortable/used to the relationship and is easier to stay with you then to end it.

No. 263812

Tell him everything you said here. If he's apologetic and willing to compromise you have a chance, if he shifts the blame to you or shouts or acts like a bitch it's time to leave. I was just in a very similar situation and I know how miserable that shit is, stand up for yourself.

No. 263814

start doing things you want to do without him? as far as i can see it's not like he's abusive or whatever so I don't see a reason why you can't stay living together until you figure your shit out. in the mean time, if he doesn't want to tag along with you, so be it. no reason to not to enjoy your day, since he's obviously enjoying his.

No. 263815

Unfortunately I don't, I do have friends and my brothers but there's no room for me to stay over given that they all have children too. I do have a job, but it's not well-paying enough so that I can just move out quickly and get my own place. I have a little bit of savings so far but it's not enough especially as rent and bills where I live are extortionate.

The thing is he is always quite apologetic about it but I'm that type of person where I don't count words as an apology - I need to see a change in behaviour and some sort of action, which I haven't seen at all. I've spoken to him about it before and the only activity or "date" he suggests is like crazy golf or go-karting or something like that…which I've tried before and personally just don't enjoy. He suggested the zoo which we both liked and then just fucking forgot about it. I've also told him I'm not playing secretary and arranging dates and ideas for him, he didn't even argue with it but then he just forgets. It's like a cycle every time, and in the end he doesn't seem to mind because he can just sit on his PC and talk to his gamer friends even on a hot day when he has the free time to go outside and do something. It really is miserable, it feels like I'm living alone sometimes even though I'm not. I'm glad you got out of there nonna, I wish I could say the same.

This is the approach I'm trying to take. I think it's clear after 5 years he has different (lower) standards of how a relationship should work, and I don't want to entertain it anymore, although it was never this bad until recently. I also personally believe I shouldn't be having to communicate and try this much just for bare minimum cheap dates like nice picnics or exploring cool places together. Thanks nonna, today I'm going to go to the park by myself - it's not ideal but you're right in that I shouldn't be ruining my day just because he clearly doesn't care anymore. It's just disappointing that I thought he would want to spend time together as a couple, but whatever, I will try and not let it get to me and just work on myself.

No. 263818

Is he depressed? My friend had a very similar situation to you recently and we were trying to figure out what was going on and why he was regressing into his online gaming world and it turns out he just had no one to talk to about his grandma dying which was apparently huge for him as he was so close to her. Could he be going through something deep that he is not telling you?
If everything is fine and he is not necessarily going through anything, then it seems like he is just too comfortable with you and has forgotten what its like to keep the magic going. Honestly if you have already tried to tell him to be more involved, more romantic, then what is the problem? I know what it's like to date in a long term relationship, it can get stale, but it shouldn't get stale to the point where he forgets exciting plans like this. Honestly anon he may just be checked out from you. The real question you should be asking him is if he is even happy continuing this relationship. If he says yes, then ask him why isn't he putting in any effort? Is something external happening that he isn't telling you? If not, then he is honestly just not worth the extra years going forward.
I dated a man for 6 years and he checked out about 3 years into the relationship and I still dragged it our for another 3. Don't fall into the trap. The guy I am with STILL takes me on fun dates even though we have been together for so many years, he listens to me, he hears me if I say he isn't pulling through etc.
Just be aware, and don't fall for the trap of feeling sorry for them (if they have no other external depression/anxiety going on)

No. 263822

Do you still expect sex and physical intimacy from him? Do you still love him? I wonder if you can just emotionally check out until you can break up and move out on your own. He's such a fucking passive loser I would be completely disinterested and distance myself entirely. Like >>263814 said you shouldn't let him ruin your day, clearly he is fine without you and I wouldn't let it show that it's messing with you. It's sad but he is a total loser, don't let it get you down. At least he splits rent with you, I guess. That seems to be the only use he has.

No. 263839

If you've reached the point where he just keeps on letting you down and you're thinking about saving up to move.. the only thing I can advise is to stick to your guns and actually save up and make those plans. Sometimes women freeze when it comes to actually pulling the plug. It can be a daunting thought. If you think he'll be reasonable with you then you can tell him that's the plan in advance.. but if you think he'll act childish/aggressive or that he'd only beg for you back then sit in that info and don't tell him.

In the past I've reached that point too but I was overwhelmed by the thought of moving (mostly money worries) and in the end I just ended up being treated much worse for staying so long. Wish I had planned better and got out before wasting so much of my life. I felt more lonely at that time than I've ever felt while single. It's a depressing way to live.

No. 263969

My boyfriend told me something cringe and now I am unattracted to him. Apparently he was getting groceries and after he put them in the trunk some lady was taking a long time getting out of her passenger side door. So he climbed in through his passenger side to the driver's seat instead of waiting or saying excuse me. He's 31. What would you do if you were told that?

No. 263970

I wouldn't do anything or care at all wtf anon are you ok

No. 263971

I have extreme social anxiety and I would literally never do that. It just weirded me out. I had to restrain myself from being mean to him about it and asking him what the fuck is wrong with him. Am I really out of line for thinking it's freakish behavior

No. 263972

There’s literally nothing wrong with getting in on the other side of the car, he was being a polite person by just avoiding the lady, and not rushing her. I don’t understand why this is unattractive?

No. 263973

yes. Seek help

No. 263974

It rubs me the wrong way like he is too mousy to just wait or speak up for himself which is a theme for him. I would only do what he did if someone blocked my driver's with bad parking

No. 263976

No. 263978

He's "mousy" for just going his own way, instead of waiting for the woman? And so what if he avoids something as trivial as waiting for her? Maybe he didn't want to wait around to see how long she'd take, and he had groceries he didn't want to potentially spoil? Why does it bother you so much? How is your relationship so fragile that you lose any amount of attraction over this? I don't even believe this is a real story, this has to be bait because no one has standards like this.

No. 263980

It just weirds me out that he was too scared to ask her to step aside to get in the car I can't get over it

No. 263981

You just said you have extreme social anxiety, so what do you mean it's weird that he avoided saying anything to her? You're his girlfriend and deal with social anxiety, so shouldn't you be understanding of something as simple as this?

No. 263982

You have extreme social anxiety but find it weirder that he avoided interacting rather than talking to her?

No. 263986

You sound like bait, this is not normal human behaviour, fuck off

No. 263988

this is one of the most retarded and dramatic things i have ever read in these threads kek

No. 264019

Let's see, you're the one with extreme social anxiety but he's in the wrong? I hope he cringes and says you behave like a freak next time you are too anxious to have a mundane interaction with someone.

No. 264054

I understand, behavior like that is wimpy. If he can't even speak up for himself and say "excuse me" for something so trivial how will he navigate through life together with you? My ex was like this and whenever something slightly uncomfortable happened he'd run with his tail in-between his legs. I don't know about his regular behavior but if this turns you off so much he probably has a history of acting like a little bitch and you're not overreacting.

No. 264059

i think it is more the fact that she claims to have extreme social anxiety, yet says it is weird and wimpy of him.. and lacks understanding? it was probably a one off thing. anon was just being dramatic

No. 264063

I got the feeling that even though she has social anxiety she pushes through it anyway? At least that's how I am too. I get very bad physical manifestations of anxiety but force myself through normal social situations. I'd get annoyed with my exes in the past because they wouldn't do anything that made them even slightly uncomfortable, and it made my life harder as a result. I saw them as weak and pathetic, and I'd have to pick up the slack for the both of us because they weren't willing to work on their mental problems. Maybe she sees that his behavior is indicative of this, I don't think it's that dramatic because I've dealt with men who have social anxiety and they frontload everything on their partner. She probably feels viscerally turned off because she knows deep down she's probably going to have to be his mommy

No. 264069

I've had pretty intense social anxiety since a young age, my first serious bf had the same shit going on and there was a point where I did stand back, look at the two of us being similar flavors of wimp and I wished I had a partner who could step up and be the one to speak up sometimes. I craved that type of dynamic. Whether that's right or wrong.. I had those feelings. I just craved a different type of man. My next partner was different and would step up on occasions where I needed that. Part of me feels weird about it because there's hypocrisy in it but then sometimes you need to date your polar opposite and thrive off of each others strengths. Two similarly struggling people can be a bad pairing. You can end up reflecting each others weaknesses in an uncomfortable way.

If you're getting at something like that I can understand the feeling. I wouldn't strongly react to a single incident but if it's an ongoing thing where you just want a man to be 'a man' in that way then I don't think that's unusual.

No. 264072

why can't you be the strong person instead lol

No. 264079

Honestly, I agree with you, she should 100% be able to speak up for herself. But having an overly avoidant male partner means she would just end up being his mommy

No. 264092

This was when I was 20 and going through stuff like my mom dying. I was a mess. I've dated different types since and now I'd say I'm the stronger one in my current relationship. It's been a decade since this guy. But back then I needed a strong person in my life.

That ex moved back in with his parents after our break up and I recently learnt he's still in moms attic all these years later. He's 34. Part of me felt a pang of guilt at hearing that because I wondered if I could've lifted him out of his rut but I had much worse problems att and he wasn't exactly the support I needed either. I feel like we both would've only stagnanted together. I dated a total opposite guy right afterwards and now I'm with a quieter person again but it works.

No. 264097

Guys my boyfriend blinks too often, I have been counting how many times he blinks in a 2-minute interval and it is 2 times more than what I read an average person blinks. Should I break up with him?(moid)

No. 264098

Remove his eyes. Problem solved. Next

No. 264108

Tbh it's a nice change whenever an anon posts about wanting to dump someone and she's not describing years on years of the most depressing abuse happening first.. because most of the time we have that opposite problem. Nonnies are throwing their lives away but god forbid you dump someone over a dumb lil thing that bugs you.

No. 264109

maybe he has dry eyes, make him cry!

No. 264110

Nonnies my boyfriend keeps me chained to a radiator in the basement and makes me eat dog food out of a bowl, how can I talk to him to get him to change? I don't want to break up (also I can't since I am chained to the radiator).

No. 264112

Kek this is one of the most dramatic threads ever

No. 264113

Give it ten more years before you even thinking about leaving, go easy on him, he's probably just depressed.

No. 264116

You're right, he's actually a really good guy aside from that tiny little flaw and when he isn't beating me with the jumper cables. On very cold winter days he even turns the radiator on so I won't freeze to death.

No. 264155

He sounds like a great guy, maybe just a little stressed out lately. When the angry lesbianposters in the thread see this and tell you to leave just ignore them

Maybe start with small compromises, like wet cat food vs hard dog kibble. Unchaining you to let you pee in the toilet is probably too far, relationships are give and take you know

No. 264165

I’m the anon from >>1181541, figure it’s more appropriate for this thread. I called him out on looking at idol.sankakucomplex.com, said how much it upset me and that this was the shit my ex did and i basically fell out of love with him for being a coomer. We fought for an hour and then had very angry amazing sex. I hate myself, but lord it was good. Best it’s been in years. FUuuuckkkk. apparently he’s okay with me spying if I ask him first, I’m just shocked at the sheer constant need he has to look at fucking sluts. He knows I’m fucked up, I get turned on from violence and being cucked (shameful but it’s the reality, I swear to god I’m not a scrote just mentally messed up). I hate how attracted I am to him still and how much I want to slap him when he does this.

No. 264235

>When the angry lesbianposters in the thread see this and tell you to leave just ignore them
uhhhh, lesbians have no right to comment on heterosexual relationships in the first place.

No. 264267

Not sure if it's the right thread for this but how do I get over a relationship that never happened? Basically I was dating this guy but I got cold feet about getting serious and softly ghosted him. Nothing happened, we just held hands and I wasn't even physically attracted to him, but I still can't stop thinking about him in a "what could have been" way, I think it's because he's the first person to have ever confessed to me (at the venerable age of 27 lmao) and I keep wondering what we would have done, I could have finally rid myself of my virginity, if we would still be together… Don't get me wrong I still think I made the right choice, I'm way too individualistic and mentally ill to be in a relationship, but how do I stop thinking about him?

No. 264269

You could've lost your virginity to a man you're not even attracted to.. I get why it's playing on your mind still if you're dating life is non existent but try to keep some standards. There's no loss in ghosting a man when the attraction is one sided. That's what you're meant to do.

No. 264272

I wouldn't say the attraction was one sided, we had some great chemistry and a lot of stuff in common, he just did nothing for me physically (but then that's probably just me because the only men I find genuinely attractive are husbandos, no real guy will ever compare).

No. 264279

girl… find some fucking self worth. If I found my man on a porn site and saw the sort of stuff he looked at I would never want to look him in the eyes ever again let alone fuck him. I want to vomit just reading your story.

No. 264284

he senses that you aren't confident with yourself and have no boundaries. You are also not strong enough to tell him his behaviour is hurtful and deplorable. He's doing this to you because he knows he can. Get some more self worth anon

No. 264292

It’s kinda easier said than done, unfortunately. I was taken advantage of by men since birth and went the hyper sexual route. I’ve done 10+ years of therapy, lived alone and was still depressed. Fucking random dudes didn’t do it for me. I need to control him, and I need sex. Sorry I don’t have any self worth.

No. 264293

nonnie, you need to get away from this dude,it sounds like he is draining you of all of your energy and self-worth. You deserve so much better and you can breack the circle. I'm rooting for you

No. 264296

She clearly doesn't want to. Some part of her enjoys it.

No. 264298

Enjoyment =/= good for you

No. 264299

well yeah but she can learn to change !

No. 264300

Then find a man who wants to have sex with you instead of jerking off to porn, you're not even his first choice over his hand for fucks sake.

No. 264309

never had this happen before but I met a friend of my bf’s over the weekend and I am stupid horny for this man. He isn’t facially attractive even, just a sweet dude with calming vibes and a sexy tan body…….he’s a farmer and lives on a bunch of acres and he stays in shape doing the farm chores and he loves his siblings and parents and is sorta lonely and single. Same political views as me, soft voiced, cute teeth. I just want so suck his dick so bad. We stayed with a group on his farm for a couple days and I could barely look him in the eye or start any conversation with him because I was so horny for his attention. I even avoided being alone in a room with him. I am really hoping this is hormonal and trying very hard to not internet stalk him. Should I post his face so y’all can convince me how ugly he is and shame me? Idk how else to stop thinking about him

No. 264313

You said you're not attracted to him and in this post you doubled down… physical attraction is what attraction is in a romantic sense. You're describing friendly feelings and trying to make that romantic.

No. 264314

Might be time to end your relationship if you are having feelings like this for other people..

No. 264315

How is your relationship in general? Is your relationship lacking some spark and that has you looking at others or is this just a once-off?

No. 264320

Yes please I wanna see. He sounds delicious from your description so how ugly does his face have to be kek men have a low bar too

No. 264321

> he’s a farmer
kek i thought you meant he uses lolcow before reading the rest

No. 264322

please please post his face

No. 264324

File: 1652708801230.jpeg (437.12 KB, 750x736, 2D68C04D-417C-471E-8C50-384533…)

Might be, but I do know the difference between dumb infatuation and having a best friend who wants the same life as me and is my partner
I’ve been attracted to people but not to the point of fantasizing about them like this. My bf still makes me horny I really think maybe I’m just having a bpd/hormonal moment and cause I can’t wait to feel stupid for this llol
Y’all are going to laugh
Ugh I’m ready please tell my vagina she’s stupid

No. 264327

oh my god you're insane. actually insane.

No. 264329

I'm pissing my pants this is NOT what I imagined. Babe he's growing some pathetic pubic hairs on his chin and top lip and looks like he's never touched a hair comb in his life. Get a grip over yourself

No. 264330

Lmao knew you guys would come through for me. Not quite disgusted with him yet but it’s working Godspeed nonnies

No. 264332

Girl the way you described him i did not expect this hilbilly post malone knockoff lmao.

No. 264333

Nonny be careful sharing shit like this, if this is linked back to any profile of his then you're by extension doxxing yourself to anons or passing scrotes

No. 264339

kek nonnie i was a bit startled, this pic is a little unflattering maybe? his mouth is strange. you are brave for posting this kek like >>264333 said

No. 264343

I reverse image searched it before posting and couldn’t find it linking anywhere. He also doesn’t seem to have any social media of any kind. But thank you for the warning

No. 264345

I guess I was just confused then, I think I just wanted to to feel "normal" by trying to be in a relationship, I'm the kind of woman who's completely invisible socially and never gets hit on, and like I said I never felt any kind of attraction for anybody, I shouldn't force myself to be somebody I'm not.

No. 264347

File: 1652713068560.jpg (34.55 KB, 500x500, images.jpeg-165.jpg)

it could be linked in the future. I'd delete if I were you, not worth doxxing someone else either.
But honestly anon the way you were describing him made him seem more closer to pic related, not…. that. His features are kind of.. john travolta-y?
Not worth it anon. Go have a cold shower.

No. 264348

I’m probably ugly in the same ways and monkey brain is telling me his dna is similar but not too similar, so we should reproduce.
Also it’s past 30 min, idk how to delet

No. 264349

Hope your boyfriend finds this so he can dump your ass. If the roles were reversed and someone posted in here about her boyfriend wanting to fuck her friend then none of you would defend that dude. It's disgusting behavior.(but the roles aren't reversed)

No. 264350

File: 1652713562159.gif (941.65 KB, 245x219, F9C1A383-37D3-49C6-9B0A-708AC7…)

No. 264351

Holy shit. You're a fucking dumbass. He looks like he just survived an elaborate SAW-esque trap where you'd have to knaw your way out of wood panel walls with your teeth like a chipmunk. Delete this, he seems like an okay moid.

No. 264356

Damn. Straight women really love men. That's all I can say

No. 264357

>looks like he just survived an elaborate SAW-esque trap where you'd have to knaw your way out of wood panel walls with your teeth like a chipmunk
I'm going to be thinking about this description for the rest of my life

No. 264371

Try reporting, maybe a mod can delete it for you. I'll send one in too

No. 264379

KEK anon. thanks for the laugh

No. 264395

File: 1652725660930.jpeg (109.55 KB, 672x1000, AB456D59-2818-49F8-9495-B102BE…)

I guess Raising Arizona had a big impact on you huh?

No. 264422

Last night my bf told me he wasn't sure if our relationship was worth losing his friendship with my sister. She stopped talking to him after we started dating and honestly I don't know why, I've tried to talk to her and she just says it's different now so I leave her alone about it. We've been dating for a month and a half so it's really out of left field, he could've told me right after she unfriended him that it wasn't worth it to him but he didn't, he told me it was okay. And now I don't know what to do; it seemed like things were really good right up until he said that. I'm autistic like everyone else on here so maybe I irritated him without realizing and he lashed out, but it just felt like a really fucked up thing to say, he knows I don't like being compared to her, and that I'm insecure about not being good enough for a relationship and what he said basically confirmed all of those fears. At first I was so shocked I asked him to repeat himself, and he did, and I asked why he even started dating me if that was the case, and then he said he thought he would be able to work it out with her. I could feel myself starting to cry and I don't like it when people hear me cry so I told him I couldn't talk about it anymore and left. Before I left he said he was sorry like ten times and that he loved me (he doesn't say it often at all so it stood out to me). Then later at night he sent me an apology text saying he didn't mean to hurt me and he's "not the best at communicating". I was gonna talk about it with him today but I don't know what I should even say to him. I just feel so angry and sad that he "isn't sure" whether he would prefer me or my sister. I feel like he's wasted my time and is negging the fuck out of me. And at the same time I feel like I'm being autistic and demanding because they did have a really longtime friendship. What do I do nonas

No. 264427

He started dating you to get closer to your sister? Eww. Honestly dump his ass, even if you’re insecure you don’t deserve someone who is going to be forever thirsting after your sister

No. 264428

>wasn't sure if our relationship was worth losing his friendship with my sister
>"isn't sure" whether he would prefer me or my sister.
No, no, no, 100 times no. Life is way too short to spend it in a relationship with someone who isn't enthusiastically choosing you over everyone else every day, especially when the person they're comparing you with is your own sister of all things. That's so gross and selfish of him.
>She stopped talking to him after we started dating and honestly I don't know why
Because she was romantically interested in him and it was painful to see him dating her sister? And he couldn't care less about the strife he is causing between two siblings. I'm certain this scrote is not worth the strain between you two especially when he can't even settle on which one of you he actually wants. He's not good enough for either of you.

No. 264439

everyone here will make him out to be as if he's 100% in the wrong, and he is, but your sister also obviously has feelings for this moid and that doesn't concern you at all?

No. 264451

My first thought about your sister was different than what other anons thought. Maybe he confessed his feelings for her at some point and she didn't reciprocate so she's staying out of things now for that reason? Idk I just feel like if she liked him back like that.. she'd already be with him right now? Because it appears he has feelings.

No. 264454

if theres actual family members involved in a relationship romantically, whether its one sided or not, ditch that shit instantly and don't even feel bad about some hillbilly shit like that.

No. 264455

I didn't think she had feelings for him because she's had a boyfriend for a few years now that she's really close with. When we were talking about why she was angry, she kept saying it was because I didn't tell her before I asked him out even though they're friends, to which I responded that she freaked out over me "following him around" when we were all hanging out, which put me off.
>Life is way too short to spend it in a relationship with someone who isn't enthusiastically choosing you over everyone else every day, especially when the person they're comparing you with is your own sister of all things.
Thank you for saying this anon, it's given me perspective. I thought I was going crazy and overreacting.
I'll be honest, it's not the first time a guy has dated me to get closer to my sister. That's probably why this stings so much, and I feel like I'm being quick to assume that's what's happening, I just can't tell. It sucks because I actually really like him (yeah yeah I know everyone says this) and I don't want to break up with him. It feels obvious that you should want to be with your girlfriend above wanting to be friends with someone else but I just don't know how to explain that to him. I'll also feel really stupid if I break up over a misunderstanding. I don't know. I'm coping hard.

No. 264456

Its not worth it at all. He doesn't like you, by dating you he feels like he is closer to your sister by proxy because you're related to her and maybe even share a few traits. His love for you isn't genuine and it will only get more complicated and fucked up with time. Pick someone who picks you first and last.

No. 264475

be strong nona I promise there are better ones out there

No. 264483

Maybe I’m reading into things but I get the sense maybe your sister is keeping him on the back burner? Or at the very least is enjoying the attention she gets from him without the actual dating. Obviously I can’t assess complex dynamics between strangers in the internet but I think it’s odd she would be so upset with you over this and refuse to actually discuss her concerns if she didn’t have feelings for him.

No. 264493

How important is it for the guy to have good taste in movies? He likes all the awful superhero movies and I find them so cringey.. I watch them with him to humor him, but they're just so bad.

No. 264495

I'm not a movie person, I barely watch one movie a year and I would be extremely turned off if all they'd watch is capeshit, I'd probably dump them for this reason. Petty maybe, but any reason to dump somebody is valid.

No. 264498

To me, film is art so I cannot be with someone who does not have the same taste in art as me. Luckily my bf is very open minded and we watch lots of independent films and historical films.
Your taste in art says a lot about who you are in my opinion.

No. 264505

I don't feel like you need to have everything in common with your partner to be compatible. There are interests my bf has that I'm not into and vice versa. Sure it's nice to listen when they want to rave about it sometimes because you care about them and not the interest, but if you get along in most regards and have other things you share I don't think it's a huge deal. At least it's just capeshit and not porn or alt right conspiracy theories. I don't think you should force yourself to engage in something you don't enjoy though.

No. 264515

It's irrelevant, as long as you're capable of having interactions that don't involve talking about superheroes and your boyfriend is not a complete autist about them - and sounds like that's the case - it doesn't matter that he likes to watch different movies than you sometimes. There are media both me and my partner love, and there are media we engage with separately, no harm in that.

No. 264527

Being into capeshit is as big of a red flag as being into anime. He's a manchild and probably a coomer who spergs out over casting women with too small butts as his favorite coomerhero.

No. 264583

You can still unghost him, see where it goes and decide again. Be confident in your boundaries tho

No. 264602

Need an answer quick: is it overbearing that my serious bf doesn’t want me going to clubs when I vacation with my sister in Europe? I’m not a club person, it’s just that my sister really looked forward to taking me to them and thinks I’m choosing him over her. He says he trusts me, just doesn’t trust the guys in the club to respect me or our relationship

No. 264605

He doesn't trust you.

No. 264610

seconded, he doesn't trust you. my ex-bf said the exact same thing but it didn't take long for him to go from "i trust you just not other guys" to "you're dressing like a slut who are you impressing?"

he cannot and doesn't have any right to try and stop you from going anywhere. there is a difference between him saying "just stay safe and stay with your friend" vs "i dont want you to go here" and it's controlling, trust me from experience.

No. 264612

I have to disagree with the other two anons. Clubs are for hooking up, people in relationships shouldn't go there and I would never date a man who goes clubbing either.

No. 264614

>clubs are for hooking up
they can be, but not always. some people just enjoy dancing with their friends and are not looking for hookups or anything like that. it's a nightclub, not a brothel, and if she wants to go to clubs with her friend she should be allowed to

No. 264615

It’s not the same for men and women. Women often go to clubs in groups to dance, drink and hang out (as anon would be doing with her sister). Men go there to awkwardly stand around while waiting to buy drinks for women in the hopes of hooking up. It takes two people to cheat. Anon is perfectly capable of dancing without fucking a random stranger but her bf doesn’t believe she’s loyal.

No. 264616

Everyone in the club is there for attention from the other sex and the men are there exclusively to get laid. It is a sexual environment and I would not be comfortable with any partner of mine going there and I would also never go to a club myself while in a relationship. Everyone is drunk and handsy and it's just gross. You can't even have a conversation with your friends because the music is so loud, just have a fun girls night in, you get much more quality time that way and you can still listen to music and dance.

No. 264618

If the roles were reversed and someone in here was posting about their boyfriend going to clubs just to "dance with his friends" none of you would say "just trust him, you are being controlling if you are not okay with it". That's because you know that clubs are sexual environments.

No. 264619

Maybe he's worried something bad might happen to you, like you get roofied.

No. 264622

Yes but the roles aren't reversed and it's different when it comes to women and their friends wanting a night out. Stop being retarded

No. 264626

You can't apply double standards within a relationship. If you are uncomfortable with your boyfriend doing something you shouldn't be doing it yourself either. She asked for opinions, I gave mine. Honestly nobody should be going to clubs, it's like asking to be sexually harassed/drugged/raped and for no benefit whatsoever. Going to a nice restaurant with your friends or watching a movie at home is a million times more enjoyable, the reason you chose going to a club over doing those things is because you crave male attention.

No. 264628

What if you promise him to stay in touch when you go clubbing? Like, send a photo of the place when you arrive, let him know you're doing fine after a hour or two, let him know when you leave? Maybe that would work as a compromise?

No. 264629

>it's like asking to be sexually harassed/drugged/raped and for no benefit whatsoever.
>the reason you chose going to a club over doing those things is because you crave male attention.
you know it's getting bad when you can't even tell if some anons are genuinely retards who never got invited to nights out/parties or if they're just moids

No. 264637

A post yesterday got red texted for saying 'if the roles were reversed'

No. 264638

>If you don't let yourself get groped by randoms in a dark club with sticky floors you have no social life
lol, sorry you can't have fun with your friends if there are no gross dudes around oogling you

No. 264649

The shut ins have truly set up shop here ever since Miss Rona.

No. 264676

NTA but are you implying farmers were outgoing extroverts before covid? lol

No. 264679

Definitely not but COVID really accelerated the isolation brain pickling kek.

No. 264683

>none of you would say "just trust him
Correct, because he is male. Anon is not.

No. 264692

I think I'll eventually have to see him again someday since I still have some books he lent me (I could send them in the mail but it would be such a petty and coward move lol), also it's not like I met him through a dating app, it was thanks to common friends, I feel like meeting up with them again would be extremely awkward if I don't first solve this situation. Thanks for the reply anyway, it's been really weighting on my mind and I feel a bit bad about him because he's really sweet and doesn't deserve to be stonewalled (which is unfortunately the only way I react when I'm feeling overwhelmed).

No. 264746

Have any of you dated someone who smoked weed several times a day? Or do smoke several times a day?

Lately I've come to realize my partner has a totally different perception on fights and bad memory where she tells herself this was how a conversation or fight was and truly believes shes the victim. And I'm wondering if its because of how much weed she smokes. Weed used to make my moms boyfriend paranoid as fuck so I'm wondering if this is a symptom of that.

Any advice is appreciated thank you.

No. 264748

Not a partner but a roommate I had smoked a fuckton of weed any became convinced me and the other girl we were living with were constantly making fun of her. She had a reason to believe this initially as my friend was addicted to coke and acting fucking weird about her in the beginning, but then everything became a dig/trying to pick a fight with her when she was high. My friend and I were looking at memes one night and laughing and she spent months being mad at as because she thought we were mocking her.

I would tell your partner that you two need to have a serious conversation when she’s sober. Let her know your concerns and maybe try and revisit some of those fights when she had a clearer head.

No. 264751


Thanks Nonny for the reply and help. She self medicates and it's been brought up before a couple times already. I don't think she'd ever go a day without it. We're on a break now and I'm just thinking if I want to deal with this forever.

I'm sorry you had to go through that too and hopefully things are better now. Thank you for your insight it was kind of hard to google that since most people/places says it helps people calm down. I hope you have a nice day!

No. 264754

Don't date addicts, they will burn down their own life and yours along with it.

No. 264755

Agreed, dated a 'casual weed smoker' to the point where he did it all day every day and then began clubbing more where he popped mollies. Our relationship (of 6 years mind you) literally fizzled because he was so concerned about drugs and not learning how to cope with life in sobriety.

No. 264756

Yeah it sucks when it doesn't seem like a big deal at first and then things just get worse or add up. She wouldn't listen to me at all about quitting. I guess I know what I need to talk about if we do start talking again. Thanks nonnies for your advice I really appreciate it.

No. 264760

I think it depends on how much you like movies. If you just enjoy watching them for the sake of having something to watch then sure, whatever. But if you like a lot of artsy, independent films and it's an active interest of yours then it's probably going to be annoying watching shitty movies with them. I know I've had a fair share of relationship arguments because my boyfriend(s) at the time wanted to watch scrote tier shitty movies and I refused to rot my brain with it. Full blown, terrible arguments because they would call me pretentious for saying Mr Nobody was awful, or arguments after going to see a movie and I said I didn't like it, kek.

No. 264761

I'm curious about your general thoughts/opinions on this nonnies:

I've recently befriended a muslim girl who, after a couple times we've hung out, admitted to me she's definitely gay. I had an inkling before this, with the way she spoke about men and how little she cares for them, but it was only the other night she told me. We talked about it and she'd never come out as it would harm her family and their reputation, and she couldn't do that to them. I also am fairly sure she's attracted to me, with the way that she looks at me, the way she'll playfully touch me if we're talking. She gets shy when I compliment her, etc etc. I asked her what she'd ultimately want, and she said she'd hope to marry a gay muslim man so they can both live with a bit of peace on either end, hooking up and dating women on the down low. It seems like she's accepted the fact she'll never be able to have a proper, full relationship with a woman given the circumstances. She walked me to my door that night and we hugged for an obscenely long amount of time, but she didn't reach in to kiss me.
Now, I'm not really looking to date at the moment, I'm pretty happy on my own. She's never slept with a woman before and I think I'd take a lot of care in being her first, or being someone she can experiment with. But she could also fall deeply in love with me, I know how this stuff tends to work lol, and if I'm the first person she's intimate with the feelings might spark hard for her and it can possibly get messy. Do you think I should go for it? Or is it too much of a risk?

No. 264763

I'm exactly in that girl's position. Muslim family, Islamic state, same marriage plans kek. Honestly, it seems like feelings will probably get involved from her side, depends on you if you're up for dealing with all that. Since you say you're pretty happy on your own, what would you do in the situation feelings do arise and it gets messy?

No. 264771

Don't get involved. They literally do honor killings, even the ones who live in the west. I'm sure you would never be able to sleep at night ever again if something terrible happened to her because it came out she had gay sex with you. They might go after you as well.

No. 264786

If you think she will probably fall in love with you but you won't feel that strongly about her you shouldn't do it imo. This is obviously a huge risk for her, and if she's going to conduct a secret relationship both her and the woman she is with should be committed to each other in the longterm and prepared for anything that could happen due to her situation.

No. 264794

It's not worth pursuing, especially if you're going to just fool around with her instead of pursuing anything serious. And even if you both do get serious, she would have to separate herself from her family which she is clearly not willing to do.

No. 264862

Is it immoral to be horny for an acquaintance when I have a bf? He's a sexy little manlet with an accent. My boyfriend is also a sexy little manlet albeit without the accent but also without a porn addiction. I would never do anything with that acquaintance but i feel bad when i get fleeting thoughts about his penis lol. Do i need to stop those thoughts or are they harmless?

No. 264865

Just having a crush is harmless and it will probably go away on its own. You’re not going to be attracted to one singular person your entire life. The only time I think it would be a problem is if you feel like your developing real feelings for him. Then I’d suggest avoiding him as much as possible.

No. 264866

Thoughts are harmless and not immoral. Just don't purposefully reinforce them or act upon them, avoid becoming super close to this guy, and you're good to go. Like they say in meditation: thoughts are transient, you can just acknowledge them and let them go.

No. 264868

Thank you nonnies. I definitely don't have actual feelings for the guy i just think he looks nice. At the same time it makes me feel like a hypocrite because i would be so upset if my bf was horny for a specific woman. But then again, if i never knew, i wouldn't get hurt. So i'll just keep the fleeting thoughts to myself until it goes away.

No. 264874


Ugh I DO like artsy and indie films unfortunately and he has awful taste. He wants me to watch the Bond movies with him next and I'm going to die. Luckily he does like some good movies too and will watch whatever I want with me, so I guess I can deal. I like everything else about him, but wow his taste is just god awful.

No. 264876

We are together 24/7, i have all his passwords and access to his devices, and he was open about quitting porn before we even got together so there was no reason to lie.

No. 264879

does he farm marijuana

No. 264884

How do I ask my bf to be more assertive? I love him to pieces but I've started to recognize a pattern of him being pretty passive about a lot of things.. I know he can be more dominant but I don't even know what to tell him! I'm worried he'll take it the wrong way and think I'm calling him a wuss.

No. 264890

how do i know if a man wants me just for my looks? ive really fallen for this guy but as weve gotten more involved he always makes it a point to tell me about how much he likes my face and body etc but never mentions my inside traits. i asked him halfjokingly once if thats all im good for and he went "no but it helps a lot"
idk nonnies i hope im just worrying too much

No. 264899

It depends on what you mean by passive. Do you mean like with chores around the house? Picking places for dates? My bf was super passive when it came to cleaning and cooking and I literally just brought it up to him and told him I won't do his end of the cleaning and cooking if he doesn't start helping, he was fine with this and now we just split it all.
>think I'm calling him a wuss
so does this mean he's passive in larger areas of life such as money?

No. 264902

No no, I mean he just typically beats around the bush about what he wants. I'm always the one making plans and figuring out what we have to do for each week. He will listen to me if I want something done but I guess I just want more initiative?

No. 264905

It could just be a personality thing? I had an ex who just always left things up to me and the more I got to know his personality over the years I just realized from talking to him that he just enjoyed my decision making skills more and was happy for me to be more dominant in that regard. However now I am with a guy and we both take the initiative, so I know how different both those scenarios feel.
Is there lots of love in your relationship? Do you believe that he truly loves being with you? If so then it's probably just him being more introverted.
I mean if you're close, then you shouldn't be afraid of telling him upfront "Look, I would love it if you took more initiative in our day to day. Maybe if you could be more open with your suggestions for dinner or the plans we need to get done?". I don't think he will think you're calling him a wuss, just maybe pointing out an area that needs working on.
If there's not much love from his end anyway, it could just be that he's not involved in this relationship at all, but that will include other factors like ignoring you, doing hobbies instead of seeing you, lack of sex etc.
My guess is that he's like my ex and is just more introverted and not very dominant when it comes to decision making. I personally found it a little tiresome, but for some people it's actually a benefit to be entrusted as the leader with these sorts of plans.

No. 264936

Thanks for your responses! The thing is that I don't know whether she just wants to have sex with a woman and thinks I'm up for the job or she has feelings for me and wants to pursue it. I think I'll chat to her about it when I see her next.

No. 264951

if you asked him a not-joking manner and that's the response he gave you… it's not looking good. either it indicates that he can't be serious with you or he mainly likes you for your looks, which are both concerning.

No. 264955

Majority of men aren't clever enough to fluff up their words when you ask a direct question, so yeah, I'd say he's primarily interested in you for your looks. If this is (understandably) a problem for you and you want to be with someone as more than a fuck buddy I would say it's not a good match.

No. 265040

Just a doormat gf ranting. I have an invasive treatment tomorrow and therefore I won't really be able to do anything with him in the next few days which is why I was hoping to see him before the treatment. Today (one day before the treatment) he has free time and instead of doing something with me he rather went to one of his friends to watch a series with him and that although he already knew about the treatment from the beginning. He talks all the time about how sad he is that he can't cuddle, kiss and see me anymore because of the treatment, but made no effort himself to actually meet with me one last time before the treatment. It just seems like those are empty words. I am really annoyed because I feel like a second option for him and he prefers to enjoy his free time with other people than with me. When I was angry about that he also said that he can't understand that and that my opinion is unjustified because he is doing his best. He said he has no time for me, 'because he also has to work on university homework', but in the last few days he could meet with other people spontaneously on days, although he always cancels me on this particular day for the same reason, namely exhaustion. We also see each other only 2x a week and talk relatively rarely or if at all for an extremely short period of time because he is usually extremely exhausted and has no energy for it. While I send him things that remind me of him or something like that, nothing comes from him and he doesn't write me much either, because I almost always start the conversation. No idea just feel like a doormat that is always kicked and pushed around. How can I stop being so dependent on him and his presence? I don't want to be the person who has to run behind the other, especially when I communicate my needs and funnily enough they are still only half fulfilled (and that through coercion).

No. 265047

On the market for the first time since 2015. Absolutely terrified to start dating again cause the current scene sounds like an absolute shit storm. Long story short, I was with my uni sweetheart for 5 years, left him during lockdown, wasn’t single for long because a guy friend weaseled his way into my life, we ended up dating for over a year, but that didn’t work out, so now I’m single as of last month.

Not in a rush to find someone, but I have no idea how to get back into the dating scene once I’m ready. Am I pretty much screwed if I don’t do dating apps? Tried them out for a bit like 7 years ago, but it was an unsavory experience. Im not a shut-in and pretty outgoing, every week I’m usually involved in multiple events related to my hobbies and interests but… Is it true that no one meets organically anymore?

No. 265060

i'd never heard of that website, what exactly is it? i looked it up and it kind of has revenge porn energy.

No. 265072

>Is it true that no one meets organically anymore?
No? Despite COVID the world has kept turning and people have kept living their lives. Within the past year I've gotten asked out by guys while hiking, at events, while shopping and even cold approached on the street (wasn't really my type but still). It seems like you're already pretty sociable so I don't know why you think you'd be incapable of meeting men at the places you frequent. I think staying away from dating apps is a great idea. The majority of men on there are desperate and not looking for anything more than a quick lay.

No. 265075

>How can I stop being so dependent on him and his presence?
You already know this guy is a horrible partner. As a former pickme, all I can say is that you need to work on your self esteem, maintaining your standards and finding other fulfilling things in life outside of subpar romance. We're conditioned to believe we need a man for even the simplest things like deriving joy from life. I would guess that you're using this relationship, which is only causing stress and anger in itself, to distract from worse personal issues that you don't feel capable of dealing with. It's impossible to say what those issues are and what you need to do to address them without knowing more about you, but you probably already have a good idea. The goal is to be able to provide yourself with the love, affection and fulfillment you're craving without having to rely on an unwilling scrote to maybe get one or two things right.

No. 265196

>I've gotten asked out by guys while hiking, at events, while shopping and even cold approached on the street
i always wonder where people live that have weird (to me) stories like this (it's america most of the time) because here, a man would get publicly shamed if he randomly asked people out in public.

No. 265214

Where are you from?

No. 265226

File: 1653058735958.gif (235.09 KB, 240x180, 35B8DC6E-5F4D-46F3-8147-81C969…)

Ntayrt, but I’m American, and yes I have been asked out in public before by strangers too, but it’s usually just black guys trying to “holla” at me because they fetishize the fact that I’m mixed race. If white guys or any other race do it’s usually only if they’ve been acquainted with me thru school/work/mutual friends, etc.

No. 265230

Ngl I always get my confidence shot down when I read this kind of thing because it never happens to me, and it's not like I'm a neet or anything, I'm always by myself in public places, I guess I give off bad bitch vibes lol.

No. 265237

You have to guage how invested a man is and never extend yourself more than that same amount. They'll only take advantage if they sense you're willing to accept less while giving more.

If he says you're his world… and yet his action don't match up then go by the actions every time. A guy blowing you off all the time for pretty much every other person in his life isn't someone who sees a future with you. This reads as you just being a temporary convenience for him.

No. 265251


I'm asked out often in public and I live in Europe. It's not about how attractive you are, but how degenerate the men around you are. In my case it's almost always Indian and Moroccan men, cause they tend to have no shame in their disrespect for women. Also sometimes Eastern Europeans(like me), because of the same reason. For context I live in Western Europe.

No. 265253

In my opinion it has everything to do with how good of a "victim" they determine you to be and how nonthreatening you look. I think a 10/10 with a resting bitchface gets hit on less than a 7/10 that looks meek and "nice".

I'm not a supermodel but I get hit on in public a lot when walking around in summer, I also get people asking me for directions all the time, I think I just look very approachable/non-threatening and like I would react nice, which is true. I have a very hard time telling people to piss off and I always want to be nice to strangers and am afraid of confrontation, I think that is something predatory males can just sense about you.

No. 265255

File: 1653069281307.jpg (100.45 KB, 782x1024, 1cf94861e188f503a7443a3d8fe0b4…)

I was supposed to see my boyfriend on June 3rd but he decided to delay it until June 17th (he would've delayed it even later if I hadn't negociated.) His excuse is that he wants more time to himself and to see his friends before I arrive. We're long distance (3hrs away so really not that far) and we haven't seen each other since May 9th.
My birthday is on June 26th and I was really excited to see him but I feel like everytime we see each other it feels like a chore to him. I just want him to love me like a normal girlfriend. I'm pretty sure he's sincere when he tells me he loves me but I think he'd much rather be alone if he had the choice. I'm tired of feeling this lonely even though I'm supposed to be in a relationship. Should I just kill him?

No. 265262

I'm from the US and the guys were all different races. Sometimes it was natural and appropriate since it arose from a friendly conversation, other times it was not. I think OP is doing the right thing. It makes the most sense to meet people doing things you already enjoy since there may be opportunity to get to know each other better instead of a guy just thinking you're pretty, a good target or whatever. I've found the most seemingly decent guys while doing hobbies or at social events like concerts, festivals (not just music, street festivals or cultural stuff) and public presentations, usually through a library or universities. If you live somewhere where it would be seen as too aggressive to approach a woman (not a bad thing honestly) then there's no harm in striking up a conversation yourself and seeing if he seems somewhat normal.

No. 265265

He seems low effort and unconcerned anon. If you're not receiving the amount of affection and attention you want in a relationship, particularly when you're already facing a bit of distance between you, then just drop him until you find someone who is willing to actually meet your needs. Or kill him.

No. 265280

I'm from the UK and I had men follow me into stores to ask me out and even transport. Though most of the time it's from old trashy men.

One time this guy in his 40s started chatting to me after I got off the bus. He told me he saw me before on the bus (this was when I had an interview for my previous job before I got the role) and didn't want to miss out on an oppotunity to ask me out. I kept telling him no and it took 5 minutes of walking and one bus stop for him to finally leave me alone.

No. 265323

> We're long distance
> he wants more time to himself
Best bday gift you can give yourself is to up and leave this guy. I know too many women who've had shit bfs ruin birthdays for them because they couldn't be arsed to do a single thing to make you feel special. You're better off alone if he needs more space.. while already barely seeing you. That's not even a boyfriend.

No. 265329

3 hours is hardly long distance. What a lazy fuck. He doesn't appreciate you at all. He won't come see you when he can easily do so nearly daily just as if he was Joe Schmoe next door.

No. 265331

I'm in the UK and I get it in cafes, at bus stops and train stations. Anywhere where you sit around for a few minutes there'll be a chancer typically 10 to 15 years your senior treating it like you're out at a bar and it's singles night lol. Sat on a park bench once I had it. I've been caught off guard before so I've chatted with a few but now I try to remember to just act deaf.

The one time I had a legit attractive man appear to chat me up while waiting on the train.. either he lost his nerve or I did because we talked for ages and hit it off.. no number was exchanged at the end. I would've been receptive for once. Damn.

No. 265535

Should I share with my boyfriend that I was sexually abused for years as a child? I love him and want to spend my life with him.. I just can't imagine not sharing that with the person closest to me. I have had to keep this a secret my whole life and it makes the shame even worse. However, we have a great sex life and I would be scared that it would bother him, subconsciously even, and affect his attraction to me or ability to see me sexually still.

No. 265542

I personally have made a resolve to never share that information with anyone as it is very private and personal to me, I just don't want anyone to know. But if you do want to tell him, there are probably ways you could without going in so much detail. It will bother him that someone had hurt you like that, and he will be affected by it. You would have to be prepared like sort of accompany him through it. Hope it goes well if you do decide to share it and he's a good enough boyfriend to take it well. Sorry I can't be of much help but it's only understandable would want to share it with a loved one.

No. 265550

It's your decision, personally I regret telling my bf that I was r-worded in the past, even tho he took it very well and was very understanding I still feel like it made im see me differently in a way that I don't like. I think all men have some kind of hang-ups about "purity" even the ones who pretend they don't. My bf has never said a single thing to make me feel this way but I still feel like I should have not told him. I kind of hope he will just forget about it or has forgotten about it by now.

No. 265551

How do you deal with random selfishness in a relationship? I come from a very open, giving family and he comes from a broken home, with both parents being severely selfish to each other, which in turn I think has made my bf very selfish in certain areas.
This translates into situations such as lack of sharing, spending too much time invested in the computer, saying im wrong when im hurt etc.

No. 265566

Make him aware of every time he does this, and then it's his responsibility to work on it.

No. 265567

Fair enough. Thanks anon, I have been doing this and it seems to be working.

No. 265574

I take it as him showing who he is. Yeah, if you brings up the issue, he may be able to mask it for a while, but his natural instinct is to be selfish, dismissive, and greedy (towards you! the woman he supposedly loves)
>saying im wrong when im hurt etc.
I had a shitty ass family, but the one thing my dad taught me is that men who invalidate your feelings like this are trash. This is never fixable

No. 265577

Fair point anon. Granted I will say I wrote this in the heat of an argument we just had and I will say that he does try to listen to me a lot most of the time, I guess I just specifically hone in on the times that he calls me wrong. I still think im in the right most of the time, I do have a lot of anger issues I will admit, but I am working on it.
I will definitely take in your advice into account anon. I will say I don't think he is dismissive and greedy however, quite the opposite, just selfish when it comes to certain things. Thanks again.

No. 265579

>he does try to listen to me a lot most of the time
Yeah, but the times where you're hurt are the times he absolutely has to listen to you. It's not optional. When he declares you're wrong, when he dismisses your feelings… Those things make your trust waver. Imo you can only take so much of that before you start feeling like he doesn't truly care about you when it counts.
Good luck anon, more than anything you know the exact context of your relationship. I may just be bullshitting because I don't know every single facet of your relationship. I just know that feeling listened to and respected in a relationship is absolutely paramount for me, and what your boyfriend has done would jeopardize that. If he doesn't change I will kill him for you.

No. 265580

Thank you anon. You are absolutely right and i'm going to factor in your advice more into the future.

No. 265597


I think you're right, it's probably best not to tell him at least in detail. I told him I have a sore spot about pedophiles and I want to murder them. I think that's about as far as I will go. I don't want him to be upset by my trauma or feel bad for me. I should just go back to therapy or something.

No. 265610

Anons in happy relationships and marriages, how did you distinguish between your partners flaws versus actual red flags? I suffer from some pretty severe catastrophic thinking and feeling like whenever something doesn’t go exactly perfect in my relationship it’s the end of the fucking world. I also feel like normal flaws are massive red flag behavior, but I’m ironically blind to a lot of real red flags. How can I stop feeling this way and just enjoy the moment?

No. 265612

First step: stop reading lolcow.farm, especially this thread. It's full of very jaded and bitter women with crabs-in-a-bucker mentality who want to pull other women down with them by telling you every little flaw your partner has is a reason to break up and men are the devil and you would only ever be happy alone or as a lesbian.

No. 265614

I'm stealing crabs-in-a-bucker and rosy-colored-glasses

No. 265617

It sounds like you might have control issues in general, not just in romantic relationships. When did that begin? Why are you such a perfectionist? Where did your extremely high standards come from? Try to figure that out before anything else. As for relaxing and enjoying the moment, look into meditation and mindfulness.

No. 265626

I’ve been having this feeling for awhile and I’m glad others feel the same. I usually use LC to vent when I don’t want to put all of my emotions on my IRL relationships because I have a lot of them and it can be overwhelming but it also feeds into my paranoia quite often. >>265617
My dad was an extremely abusive narc and would have major meltdowns over anything he felt was out of place or made him look bad. Some days it was something as simple as leaving my shoes out and he tripped over them which would lead to a 45 minutes screaming session about how awful and stupid I am. I could barely go out in public with him because things like a water being mildly rude to him would set him off and he would end up with him driving erratically home and not talking to me for 2 days because had I not asked him to go out that waiter would’ve never had a chance to be “mean” to him. I basically spent my entire childhood shielding my Dad from the outside world and trying to keep his emotions in check which obviously never worked. Thankfully he’s dead now and I am getting much more in depth help soon but the anxiety is so deeply ingrained its not something that will go away anytime soon.

No. 265648

Learning to listen to myself and take a time out of things get confusing. I need to assert and assess how I feel before I talk to my partner. Even if they mean well other people have their version of events and it can be hard to know what and why I’m upset or what’s bothering me if I let someone talk their way out of it.
The more boundaries I asserted and the longer I was not uncomfortable the easier it became to notice when I was. I came into my current relationship with a list of hard boundaries I knew from previous ones wouldn’t work without. You watch porn for example. I leave. I don’t care about your past relationships. That’s my boundary to give an example.
Most of the advice out there is just enabling abuse to be honest. Taking a time out and requesting quiet and space isn’t abuse or the silent treatment. Most people who try to equalize the two are over dramatic and haven’t suffered the level of abuse they claim. (I say as someone who grew up severely abused).

No. 265660

Or maybe we want to save our fellow women from a potential lifetime of disappointment or abuse?

Anons cry about being treated like absolute trash by men who don't even have bare minimum ammount of respect for them and when others advice them to rethink their relationship, there are always women like you screeching about it coming from bitterness, when its actually concern. I feel like women like you must be stuck in a pretty awful neglectful sad realtionships and want to keep other anons down with you to feel like its normal. Crab in a bucket mentality alright.

No. 265671

Sounds like the name of some British delicacy

No. 265674

my money's on he's a two-timer and the "friends" he needs more time for is another girl
either way you should ghost him asap

No. 265676

This. I never give the moid the benefit of the doubt, especially if she says he's so wonderful and cares about her, except for x. Also, I feel inherently if you're asking for advice on your partner rather than communicating with them directly then there's already a huge problem. A lot of men make women feel like they aren't listened to so they have to seek out online advice instead

No. 265708

>woman like you
Press x to doubted. Normally men tell women not to leave relationships and apologize for their scrotes mistakes on other advice forums, there are definitely scrotes who come here to do the same.

No. 265720

No. 265732

This, though it's hard to tell if or when the "you're too hard on men" or "your standards are set too high" posts are just scrotes tbh. All winter we had a scrote posting this and when challanged enough he'd flip from 'I'm totally a woman just with a different opinion to yours!' to calling us roasties and saying to blow him. So sorry but whenever an anon is on this thread in particular speaking like an outsider to LC while addressing the rest of us like a dumb misguided hivemind.. even telling anons to stay away from lc… honestly it reads as the same thing that was shitting up the thread for months.

Basically every couple weeks now someone pops up crying that lc users don't give men enough chances and it's getting old. I somehow see the opposite issue 9 times out of 10 but somehow we have totally real women who overlook all that suffering and think we're tirants against men for daring to utter the words leave him. I've seen abused women finally hear the words they needed to hear on here. I've seen many an anon return over and over because they refused to leave nigel the first 5 times and the issues never stopped popping up. They take convincing. That's the more common theme on here. But no us being too harsh on men is definitely the problem and getting off this site and lowering your standards for scrotes is the secret to eternal happiness. Of course. Thank you passing lc-hating outsider who is totally female and here to help us see the light.

No. 265734

why am I shocked that my bf just spent an entire serious text conversation about my issues with him jacking off looking at porn in the bg. Literally want to kms. Why am I in so much denial about being a pick me simp doormat this shit hurts

No. 265742

how do you know he was jacking off what?

No. 265776

>I've seen many an anon return over and over because they refused to leave nigel the first 5 times and the issues never stopped popping up. They take convincing.
There were a lot of factors that went into it but as someone who once complained about my relationship here and had anons actually pretty nicely tell me I needed to do better, I was one of those and I'm so grateful for the honesty. Anons have much better perspective than some "women" give them credit for and I agree 9x out of 10 if someone is being told they need to leave it's for very good reason. A lot of us see our former selves in the nastier scenarios described itt and want to prevent that from going on longer than it has to.

No. 265793

Men live rent-free in your head and are behind every post you don't like. Personally I have stopped sharing my issues in this thread because of how badly you get hounded and abused by OTHER WOMEN who always assume the worst and belittle you for not breaking up immediately, calling you bangmaid/pickme/etc for disagreeing with them. Literally anons posting shit like "he's probably cheating on you anyways" with no context clues for that whatsoever just because you're so fucking bitter about men that you want everyone in here to not have relationships either. Call me a scrote, I don't give a fuck. You're just coping about how utterly hostile this thread is.

No. 265833

Literally never happens, sorry you feel personally attacked because anons won't tell other their piss awful boyfriend is uwu trying his best literal angel uwu so hard for him give him blowjobs to make him treat u better. You must be deeply insecure in your realtionship and its obvious its hitting a nerve. Maybe there is a reason you act so hostile? Maybe your nigel isn't that great after all?

No. 265848

File: 1653339246671.png (992.67 KB, 1179x878, helga in the rain.png)

Hi nonas, I'm the one who wrote this >>264422 and I figured I'd give an update. The above situation didn't really resolve except for him saying that I was his priority now that he was no longer able to be friends with my sister. He even said that essentially we are dating because otherwise he would have no one to talk to, and she's cut him off anyways so why not continue dating? He was blasé about the whole thing and made me feel like a convenience or a consolation prize. Afterwards we just kept getting in fights where he would apologize and say the right things, and then go back to being an asshole e.g. saying I need to lose weight (I am literally a normal weight) and that I have "no depth" like, personality-wise. I always immediately called him out and he would flip it around on me, saying I was the one who was insecure about weight, I just act boring so what else is he supposed to think. Yes I know you're thinking anon.. and I get it, but it's a tale as old as time: guy is a dick, guy apologizes, guy acts like a gentleman, guy goes right back to being a dick. I need to have the full text of "Why Does He Do That" by Lundy Bancroft etched into my skull to be honest. Anyhow the kicker was after we had sex for the first time (not my first time, just our first time), he came out with this "I don't like you when we're not together physically, I just don't feel very strongly for you" shit, keep in mind earlier he had been saying he liked everything about me, he loved me. This stressed me the hell out and I said why are we dating if you feel this way, or rather don't feel this way but he just says he likes me "as a person" (read: he likes that I am a female who will fuck him) and that he thinks he could "grow to feel more" for me. Like wow, I guess I'm an acquired taste much akin to chopped liver. I told him this is just untenable, that isn't how you're supposed to feel in a relationship, I asked why we even had sex if he just didn't feel much for me (previously he said he only wanted to have sex with someone he actually felt strongly for, which I agreed with) and he said he just did it so I wouldn't be "disappointed" in him. Like I'm a coercive frat boy and he's a frumpy girl who just wants to be popular. I asked him if he didn't want to, then why did he say yes and then have sex with me? Then he said oh well I mean what guy doesn't want to? Like he was some sadboy manipulated by toxic masculinity. He even told me that it makes him "uncomfortable" how I have issues trusting men because it makes him feel attacked and upset. When I ask him if he feels bad, how does he think my PTSD makes me feel, he says it's "just different". Well, I think he said that specifically to throw me off kilter because he knows I've been sexually assaulted and I know what it feels like for someone to make you do something you don't want to, and I think he wanted to throw me off because I was saying we should break up due to him lying about being in love. He told me to my face a big part of him not wanting to break up is because everyone (primarily my sister, of course) will think he's a douchebag who was just using me for sex. Not because he cares about me or anything, just his own reputation which he frankly would deserve for being such an asshole. I was exhausted after this whole fight and just wanted to go to bed because it appeared he just would not agree to a break up and so I told him to just go, and now he's texting me as if nothing happened. He's going to be back in town tomorrow and I'm cutting it off. I'm mostly posting all of this humiliating shit here so I won't go back on it. It's so much more than I even said but if I write anymore I'll kill myself for how stupid I was to stay with him. Tldr I'm breaking up with him.
Should I do it in person or over the phone? I'm leaning towards in person because I want to give back his cheap plastic phone stand he got for free that he gave me in an effort to make me cam for him. I don't know where I should do it though. Should I say something to my sister? I already talked it all over with a friend and with my mom. And his sister was wanting me to help her with this important assignment, which I have been helping her but I'm not sure if I should say something to her or not. I've never broken up with someone in person before because I've had mostly online relationships like a typical autist. Do you all think he will react badly? If he does, what do I do?

No. 265854

Noni first off I’m so sorry. That man is human feces and will hence be known as shitdick. You’re not chopped liver and what he did is absolutely fucked. You deserve much better. It was lying, disrespectful and fucked. He’s a piece of shit who deserves to catch something and have his dick rot off.
You’re not a second choice and anybody that does that especially between two siblings deserves what they get from the fallout. He intentionally misled you to sleep with you and was entirely manipulative about it. I saw that as a fellow autist. I’m so fucking mad for you. Shitdick 100% knew what he was doing fucked and didn’t care because it was worth it for what he wanted at the time. He lied on purpose. You should break up with and there’s a decent chance he’ll throw a fit. Keep it short and formal. He will lie and pretend like the jellyfish he is. If there’s one thing weak dick little manipulative man babies do it’s double down and avoiding accountable or “they’d have to kill themselves because it makes them feel like a rapist or a predator.” Hence his freak out on why your man hate or ptsd bother him. (I’m in a relationship now and he absolutely hates other men with me and never needs me to apologize for any it for any salty scrolling just keep scrolling my friends.)
Just a hey given the false pretenses I don’t want to continue this and ask you no longer contact me. Then block him. Fuck him. He’s garbage and you deserve better and have better uses of your time. That pain and upset and disgust you feel? He’s not going to fix it. He caused it on purpose. He gets off on it babes and I’m so sorry you didn’t deserve that.
Also I would talk to your sister and tell her hey. Me and such and such broke up. Just a heads up he’s kind of shitdick and I’d avoid him. If you’re close and she’s receptive then you can tell her more but too aggressive and it might make her upset at you before she understands.

No. 265858

> and then go back to being an asshole e.g. saying I need to lose weight (I am literally a normal weight) and that I have "no depth" like, personality-wise. I always immediately called him out and he would flip it around on me, saying I was the one who was insecure about weight, I just act boring so what else is he supposed to think
Damn anon. In terms of whether to break up in person or not it's really up to you. I think there's more respect in in-person break ups but you only owe someone that respect if they've shown you respect while together and if it feels safe aswell. Clearly he didn't show respect or treat you right. If he's calling you fat while you're a perfectly healthy weight there's a high risk of him trying to verbally rip into you when you do dump him. Given he was rude, was using you for sex and the item you want to return to him was some free crap anyway.. you owe him absolutely nothing. Ghost him if you want, text him goodbye if you want. Totally your choice and don't feel bad for whatever one you pick.

In your previous post I do remember thinking you were being too quick to start throwing the word love around or expecting to hear it back. Him claiming to not even like you is messed up but.. In your future relationships I'd maybe slow down on declarations of love. Slowing the pace down gives you a better feel for who you're with before you start saying i love yous and sleeping with them. All that stuff that was wasted on a dickhead like him but if it's your first in-person relationship it's a learning experience. A tough lesson. Sorry to hear how bad it got. Don't take any shit off of him on the way out. He's not worth your time.

No. 265880

How do I learn to engage with my boyfriend's writing? He writes intricate and beautiful stories but he rambles about them more than he lets me read them. The rambling is near incoherent. What am I to do when this happens? I mostly nod because the train of thought is everywhere and hard to follow, but when this happens I can see him become upset. If it were reading and discussing it would be fine. Should I tell him all of this and get off the thread?

No. 265881

I've been through this so I'll share my experience with it just to give perspective on when it goes wrong, not to sway you but just to lay out a scenario to consider. I've only ever told 2 people in my life. The first was a guy who I saw myself being with forever… we lasted 5 years and then split very suddenly and I remember being haunted by the thought that this guy who didn't even want to know me anymore had that knowledge in his hands. I was also paranoid that he'd spill the beans to my dad. My nerves were in bits because of those worries and my ex was a fan of a clean cut so wouldn't talk to me to get closure on that. I went from being convinced we'd be together til the end of time to feeling like this guy was a stranger and not even a very friendly one. It made the break up so much harder and nobody around me understood my near nervous breakdown but that was the underlying cause. It shocked me that he didn't want to even preserve our friendship given I'd handed him this highly protected secret. I regretted it so badly. Lately he contacted my dad (after 9 years of silence) and I went nuts thinking he must've said something. I don't think he did but it dragged up these feelings again and put me in a bad headspace for months. My dad thinks I'm just bitter when I ask him not to talk to my ex. I've to suck up my dad thinking that if I want to keep my secret. The same as me having to suck up people thinking I was just dramatic when the break up hit me and I wanted one last convo with the guy (to ask him to still keep my secret safe) I hate it so much. I never saw this coming at all

The second person I told was my next serious partner. I wasn't as naive that time round but I figured I have lingering issues where sex affects me and it'd be good to tell him why. We were dating a while when he told me his last ex had csa in her past too. This was an ex he never stopped giving out about because he said she had emotional issues and she'd messed him up. My heart sank when I realised how little he'd considered WHY his ex was so emotional. His judgement of her suddenly felt very harsh with this new info. Eventually we split because of sexual issues funnily enough. He wanted things that were a bit out there and he waited til we were together a long time before making an ultimatum about that, trying to force it. I reacted like any csa victim and lost my shit. He knew and still thought that was ok. We split and he had a new gf within the week which seemed highly sus too lol. Not a great ending to another relationship that again seemed great for the first few years but went very south.

I'm now 2 strikes down and I'm undecided about whether I'll tell the next guy I serious with. I think about it alot. It's a very difficult thing to handle should you not last forever. I was so convinced the first time round that I was safe telling him but life throws shit at you. It's entirely up to you, there's always going to be some risk when confiding in someone. You can't pick their reaction and more importantly you can't see years into the future. It's good that your sex life right now is healthy and that you're not struggling with that part of things. If you're in a great relationship with a sex life to match then it's maybe not a pressing issue right now but it'll always be your call. Maybe if you're heading towards certain milestones (if you want marriage, kids) then you may want to disclose before a certain commitment milestone. If you're planning kids one day I would tell (closer to that time) because becoming a parent often results in a whole awakening of that old trauma.

No. 265889

Yeah, just ask him if you can read the stories themselves. He already seems like he wants to share them with you, so it shouldn't be a big deal.

No. 265917

I was abused as a child for years as well and I unfortunately repeated the cycle myself as an adult, getting severely sexually assaulted/raped etc by 1 of my partners. Granted, I told my parents and they didn't believe me, I told the police, my parents got pissed at me for that, etc. so….my intermediate family knows. I only visit them at Christmas and occasionally sometime in the middle of the year. My point is, this makes our situations somewhat different since my family already knows.

My first bf (who wasn't abusive), I told. He didn't seem to care one way or another, we were in high school. Looking back, I could have standed not to tell him because he was obviously too young to understand or empathize, plus his life as a whole was entirely trauma free.

My second bf, the abuser, also knew. He himself was abused that way, too. He was sick and it's not worth talking about it. Pretty sure my story was jerk off material for him, I don't really care.

Third partner, current bf, I also told. I can't imagine him not knowing. Being able to talk about it has been very helpful for me getting through it. I actually am in love with this partner, though. So yeah. I think it is important to disclose if you want to be with this person long term, but you don't need to tell immediately. Probably should before you have sex in my opinion, but it takes me at least 6 months to get to that point.

No. 265924


I wanted to make an update on this. I ended up spilling the beans to him because he kept bringing up how he overcame his bad childhood and became successful in life, like he thought I could easily overcome my issues too. It was making me angry that he was kind of comparing his bad childhood to mine. He knew I had a bad childhood, but he didn't know how bad or what happened, and I felt very annoyed that he seemed to assume his was worse than mine and therefore I could easily overcome my past. He kept saying "the past is the past", which made me so mad. Any CSA victim knows that the past affects the present and there is no way to run away from that.

I didn't tell him gruesome details, but I told him a lot more than I expected to. I said "something very bad happened to me" and "my father was a sociopath", but he again compared it to his childhood and said he understood, that his dad beat his mom so much he had to call the police etc. I told him I WISH I had been beaten, and he isn't understanding me. This is where it began to sink in. I didn't have to explain further, but I told him that I experienced this for years and that I wanted to kill myself during that time. That ever since then I have had a deep disgust with myself that is hard to escape.

I am astonished with how he reacted. He was so compassionate. He showed me true love and empathy. He wasn't pitying me or traumatized like some previous people have reacted. I think he was able to handle it better than an average person because he also comes from a ton of trauma. He simply reassured me I'm not broken, I'm not dirty, he doesn't look at my differently, I have nothing to be ashamed of. I cried so hard. I've never felt so understood before. I believe him too, I don't think he looks at me differently. He is a really special person with a very kind heart. I love this man. He is so healing for me.

No. 265938

Anon your prose is beautiful. I've been referring to him as "shitdick" mentally all day lol. Also a misandrist scrote, damn. A diamond in the rough. I agree though, I'll make it quick and make no room for arguments.
Part of me is thinking a text will do as well. I just don't want to see him again. I hate that I was so stupid. He was constantly talking in circles and saying one thing and then doing/saying another.
> In your previous post I do remember thinking you were being too quick to start throwing the word love around or expecting to hear it back.
I thought so too, even though I'd thought it (bpdchan perhaps) I hadn't said it because I figured it was too early to really know but then he said that he loved me. It was out of nowhere because he'd previously said he "wasn't the kind of person to say that" which kind of inversely convinced me he meant it… which was probably the point. It's just obvious looking back.
I'm breaking it off tomorrow, he'll probably see it coming because I've been incredibly dry over text. Thank you both SO much for your kindness and support, seriously.

No. 265961

I want to get back in the dating game but my ex did a number on me and myself esteem is low. I went on a date with a guy and he was nice and I texted if he wanted to hang out again sometime. He hasn't said anything. Now all I'm doing is staring at my phone every 5 minutes and I feel sick. Any tips on how to get over the crippling fear of rejection?

No. 266002

i've learnt that unless a guy you have interest in is showing he wants to hang out with you you should never ask to hang out first. it just never works out and their egos get fed, plus you don't want to date someone that has little interest in you in the first place. if he hasn't responded within less than a day than move on. texting literally takes 20 seconds no matter how busy you are, there's no excuse not to reply.

No. 266005

I just got into a relationship and I'm not feeling good about it. We met on Tinder, he is 6 yrs older, I never had a bf before. We meet once a week on at his place it seems, he tells me he loves me, kisses me in public and talks about being in love. He never posts me on social media. He has old pics of his last gf on there, and he follows some women too. I have hinted that I also have an instagram when he's on his phone and he never says anything about wanting to follow each other… We were supposed to go to the movie theatre two weeks ago but he cancelled. I'm honestly not into this at all. He is handsome and funny, idk why he would spend time with me when he can easily get the woman he wants. I've known him since early February this year. He told me we should take it slow around March. I don't want to jump into conclusions and end it. I know men can be weird. Any advice on how I should proceed?
ps, I'm in my 20's so he's old enough to know how to treat a woman..

No. 266007

Get off dating until you have healed completely. I made this mistake and got taken advantage of and my self esteem got worse. When you're completely healed, you won't do things for validation.

No. 266010

why are you with this guy lol. i genuinely don't understand some of you

No. 266031

There's enough men on tinder who conduct their dating life like this.. they do the absolute minimum and call that a relationship just to get sex. They won't take you on dates, they won't put you on their socials, but they'll have you come over to hang out at their place every weekend and they'll start saying I love you real quick too. They're users trying to get the most (sex) while giving the least. It's like a game.

No. 266083

Reading this makes me cringe so badly, I spent too much time in a "relationship" that was exactly like what you describe, down to a T. I was sad and desperate and thought I'm actually loved. It sucks looking back at what it was.
>>266005 my advice would be to confront him, tell him your specific expectations from a relationshim and be ready to break up.

No. 266117

He's playing you like a fiddle while denying the fact that you exist in his own life. Welcome to being a fleshlight for some random. (p.s. of course he's going to first tell you to go slow and then say I love you, its a hot cold game and an older guy knows how a young vulnerable woman would get all flustered over that)

No. 266199

Partner would like kids, I'm very doubtful that I ever will. We're getting pretty serious and it's making me feel bad. If kids is something he really wants someday I feel guilty that I can only give him a "maybe I'll change my mind someday." He's told me it's not a deal breaker if I decide I don't want kids but idk, I don't feel right about it. I can understand the desire on a logical level so I know it can be very important to someone that wants it. It feels wrong to deprive him of that chance. I'm not going to have kids to make him happy, btw, I guess I'm asking if it'd be better for me to end things. I don't want to, everything else is perfect…

No. 266200

I'm really sorry anon, but not being able to agree on whether to have kids or not is a deal breaker. Continuing the relationship is only going to end in resentment. Either you give into his whims and you end up with a child you don't want, or you don't have kids and he ends up resentful at you for not giving him what he wants and might even leave you as a result. If he already wants kids now, he will only want them more as he gets older because that's how men are.

No. 266202

My boyfriend is annoying and picks and chooses when he wants to be offended. He is Mexican American (immigrated as a teenager), and refers to himself as Mexican all of the time. Then, this morning, I called him my Mexican boyfriend and he got offended and said "I'm American." I know he's American…. but he's ethnically Mexican. WTF? I'm Korean American and I'd never get offended to be called Korean. I don't understand him. He's so weird and touchy about his culture that it makes me not want to even talk to him about that. I was learning Spanish to try and be closer to him. I wanted to surprise him by breaking out into Spanish this summer when we travel together, but now I'm thinking I shouldn't. Maybe he will just get offended. It doesn't make sense though, because he is always introducing me to cultural stuff and seems to want me to take an interest. How can I not offend him?

No. 266204

So from the sound of it you didn't have any conversation with him on why he got offended by you calling him "Mexican boyfriend"? You can't be in relationship with a mentality of "I don't even talk about it". There's a lot of nuance here we cannot touch on because we don't know you, him and his past and you two's relationship. The only solution would be to sit together and just have a honest direct conversation about the way you feel and to find out how he feels.

No. 266206


You're right, I should talk to him about it. Race and culture are just such touchy subjects that it freaks me out to go near it. I don't want him to think I'm fetishizing him.. which is funny, because when he met me he said he always wanted to date an Asian girl.

No. 266207

Definitely good idea to remind him of that so he can see either his hipocrisy or how such things can be said without anything bad in mind.

No. 266210

Getting married at the end of this year after being together for nearly 8 years and living together for 4. I'm a postgraduate student in a STEM field with good job prospects on graduation (I've also worked before), fiance has a good job in a STEM field. At the moment we split bills based on our incomes (he pays for 60%-70% of our expenses and I pay the remainder as my income is smaller). We've discussed a prenup between the two of us and decided to get married in community of property. We don't have any assets (except fiance has a small amount in stocks), my parents have a very average income while his parents have significantly more. He also has more savings than I do having worked longer. There were no issues until his parents called today to discuss wedding shit and insisted we get a prenup to "protect both of us" but especially because I'm thinking of a career in academia and may earn less. I'm fucking fuming, firstly because I will end up with a higher qualification than my fiance in a slightly better field so how they're just assuming I'm going to be broke is pissing me off. Secondly because I feel like women are nearly always hard done by with prenuptial agreements especially if they incur a loss of income when they have kids, and we are planning on children. His parents have a prenup and are generally a miserable loveless couple and I'm always fucking hearing about how his mom doesn't have a lot of her own money being a teacher and is the poor one of the couple and it makes me fucking ill. I feel like its a major red flag for a man to ask for a prenup, and he's entertaining now as his parents are being so pushy about it. Maybe I'm not being rational about it but it feels like they're being fucking soulless vampires about the situation. He knows how strongly I feel against it but I think his parents will be extremely pushy and he's starting to entertain the idea now.

I didn't even want a wedding because to me its a useless expensive event and my parents aren't well off, but his parents insisted because #tradlife my parents have to end up paying 50:50 of the costs so it makes this sting extra.

No. 266211

why would a prenup affect anything once you have kids? prenups are for pre-marital assets, anything earned during the marriage is different

No. 266217

A self-hating Mexican, very common. It isn't cool he said that about you being Asian. It's silly imo to directly avoid race, your cultures are different and it's important to understand them. Are you both very young? I'm trying to figure out why he might be so insecure, but only you can know that, really.

My Mexican boyfriend, while very proud to be an American, is also proud of his Mexican heritage, too, though he is willing to admit its faults in terms of blind spots in their culture and such. My ex also was Mexican and was the same way. It's always a slight challenge dating someone of a different race, but in my case, it's more difficult because it feels like you need to prove you're a certain way to their families. And really, it has less to do with their race, more like the differences in upbringing in my experience.

No. 266220


We are not young, but I think he just has this hangup on not wanting to be a seen as a victim or other. He says he doesn't like to hang out with other Mexicans because they don't want to assimilate and they want to be victims. He's a high achiever in a STEM field and maybe feels like he has to prove something. I think he definitely has a love/hate relationship with his culture.

No. 266221

Thank you for the push.

No. 266223

>He's told me it's not a deal breaker if I decide I don't want kids but idk, I don't feel right about it
I don't know if he's just really banking on getting you to change your mind down the line but you're absolutely right to feel funny about this.
> I want kids and you don't
< No biggie tho
That's just not realistic. I think a day will come where that realization will dawn on him and either he'll put the pressure on or he'll leave. It's better to be blunt about this now and not sink years into such a shakey belief that kids somehow aren't a dealbreaker. That's the number one delabreaker of them all.

No. 266226

Maybe I'm being optimistic but he seems like the kind of person that genuinely wouldn't try to pressure me into doing it. Which almost makes this harder. If he was a dick trying to pressure me into kids when I don't want them I'd have an easier time letting him go. But he really does love and value me and never tries to force me into anything. Just like how I wouldn't want to have kids to make someone else happy, I wouldn't want to keep someone from having kids to make myself happy. This sucks. I guess I'll have a talk with him about it soon. I'm thinking of telling him how I feel and for him to not give me an answer so that he can sit and think on it for a while. I know his immediate response would be "I don't mind, I'll do anything to be with you" but I don't think he's grasped the reality of saying something like that.

No. 266229

Man, I don't know what to say to that. That just sounds like a way to make yourself miserable. My boyfriend's siblings all have bachelor degrees, if not graduate degrees from really "prestigious" places, and they laugh about being Mexican but overall, they don't really care about it. It is pretty cool his parents literally slept in hammocks and made their own pottery out in Mexico yet their kids are all so successful in the American sense of that idea. I have met some of those Mexicans he's talking, but if he is in STEM, imo, all the Mexicans I've met in those fields are pretty hardworking. You have nothing to gain from acting more "white" as they will still never see you that way. I've seen this time and time again as a white person. Reminds me a lot of internalized misogyny. It's kind of sad.

No. 266231

Kids is the one issue where you can't compromise. If one partner wants kids and the other doesn't, then you will forever have a conflict and resentment in your relationship. Even if he thinks he will be okay not having kids right now, in 10 or 15 years he could seriously regret that and then he will resent YOU for it. Seriously don't stay with someone who doesn't want the same things in life as you.

No. 266232

This. He may not be feeling the desire too strongly right now but that will change as he gets older. He'll forever feel like he missed out on something huge he wanted in life if he doesn't have kids, I've seen it happen in other people's relationships. Don't put yourself through the greater heartbreak of waiting things out for a few more years before having to split. Sorry you're in this situation.

No. 266238

My understanding is they're talking about an anti nuptial agreement. So it's not a 50/50 split of assets/debts earned during the marriage but custom if that makes sense? So say I spend 10 years raising kids (not the plan but hypothetically) and the husband decides to divorce I wouldn't be entitled to much because I wasn't earning. Or the agreement of keeping finances separate which is what I think they did. I'm not too acquainted with the specific marriage laws in my country and variations because I didn't think it would be something to consider.

No. 266401

cold hard reality: most normal men want kids and feel really very strongly about it. if you don't, you just can't make this work. you'll resent him and he'll resent you, better end it while you can still be friends or at least cordial. it's not nice to hear but your best bet is going for a self-castrating reddit soyboy next time - you won't have much luck dating worthwhile guys with this preference.

No. 266403

>self-castrating reddit soyboy
I don't know if you're bitter or just a scrote obsessed with passing on his shit genes before abandoning a child, but this was unecessary. Wanting kids is common for both sexes but some of the best men I've known were childfree with long-term partners. They were either career motivated, had shitty family histories they didn't want to repeat, or simply preferred the freedom of the dink lifestyle. Anon can still find someone without resorting to reddit incels.

No. 266405

some of the best men you've known are damaged goods from broken homes or are completely unable to take responsibility (a.k.a ~preferred freedom~)? that's bad even by moid standards

No. 266406

I mean I'm a childfree woman who prefers the freedom of enjoying my life without having to put my own wants on the backburner for 18 years, especially when there are already millions of orphaned kids in the world. If people want children that's fine but acting like it's some social imperative is retarded. There are already plenty of people in the world. No one wants your worthless sperm, go back to crying on mgtow.

No. 266407

Meh, men don't even want to have children for the right reasons. It's always shallow shit like wanting to pass on their genes and legacy. They never want to nurture another life and and very rarely do they even love the mother and usually respect her less after (think her body is disgusting, find her less attractive, don't help out with the baby or the house, etc). Also even fart-sniffing soyboy reddit mods want to have children too, so that's not much of an argument.

No. 266408

women and men have different reasons for not wanting children. for women it's often some combination of the unequal division of labor, knowing the father of your children can literally leave you at any time/cheat on you and you'll be left to your own devices, the general position of mothers in society, moids generally being shitty. for men it's being selfish and wanting to spend time and resources on themselves and no one else. you can cry that i'm a moid all you want lol but all it does is show you're not as blackpilled on them as you think you are.

No. 266412

>it's being selfish and wanting to spend time and resources on themselves and no one else.
But that's exactly how most fathers are lmao. The only difference between them and childfree men is that the latter are self aware and don't expect a woman to pick up their slack so they can get that family man status and the kodak moments.

No. 266414

I don't want kids because I find them annoying and the idea of motherhood is disgusting to me. Why would I ruin my life, my freedom, and my body for a child that I don't even want? My reasons are entirely and only selfish and have nothing to do with the examples you posted.

No. 266416

She's probably the typical brainwashed idiot whose entire life is a means to the end of having children, and thinks everyone should be that way.

No. 266422

yes, instead, they expect up women to pick up after them since most of them are basically children too. not all men who have children learn to be responsible for another human being - in fact, most don't. but among men who do not want children, all do not.
go back to /r/childfree to reee about "chrotchdroppings" and call women "breeding sows"

No. 266434

I had a similar situation but the opposite way around. I really wanted a family but he said he hated children. I thought he'd change his mind as the years went on but he was pretty adamant.
It's definitely a deal breaker and not something someone can just 'forget about'. I suggest you let your bf find someone else if you don't want to start a family with him.

No. 266463

File: 1653637310273.png (380.43 KB, 431x428, aopvwd.png)

I want to break it off with my white fiance because my community is seriously self-hating and colorist and I don't want to contribute with yet another example of someone marrying out. I don't hate myself and love my skin tone. I've been telling myself that I'm more white than not so it's not really really "racemixing" anyways, but my phenotype makes me look half white at the most and that's how others will perceive our relationship as – IR. Not like they can ask to see or I can show them my genepool, that'd be weird. I don't fetishize him, I genuinely love him, but I feel like our relationship is still ruined somehow. I don't know if I'm just being incredibly stupid.

No. 266466

Don't destroy a good thing because of how other people perceive it dummy. You know your genuine reasons for wanting to marry him and that's good enough.

No. 266470

It's not technically "racemixing" unless you have kids. But if you do intent to have kids then they will absolutely have major disadvantages being mixed. Mixed children often suffer from missing identity as they are not fully accepted in either culture and they usually look mostly like the parent with the dominant genes. For example white male asian female or white male black female couples, the kids will look black or asian more than white and whenever they are out with their dad alone people will assume they are not his kids. It's a difficult existence to force onto a child.

No. 266478

It's also because of how he may perceive me tbh. I specifically remember back during our first couple of dates him asking if I had a thing for white guys and acting disappointed when I said I didn't. It was a joke supposedly but that still means the whole colorism thing is widely known outside, and that's just plain embarrassing. My family doesn't help either, most act like retards when I bring him around and have to bring up his whiteness. Meanwhile his family doesn't comment on my race. I imagine it doesn't set a good impression for why I'm with him.

Is it "racemixing" if I'm already mixed myself? I'm hispanic. 60% white, rest is amerindian and minor black, ~3%. My non-white shows through the most though, especially in my skin. I never suffered from missing identity because our culture is already mixed, there are no two to pick from unless your parents are from differing hispanic countries. I look different than my mom, dad, and siblings, but every other family is the same way so it isn't weird and people don't ask questions, when you've mixed so much it's just a fact of life one or two kids may not look like you – they may look like their grandma or great-grandma instead – and hispanic people understand this. Colorism is something else entirely.

>For example white male asian female or white male black female couples, the kids will look black or asian more than white and whenever they are out with their dad alone people will assume they are not his kids.

Yeah I admittedly have no experience with this because of the aforementioned. Considering I'm technically a bit more white than anything else though, wouldn't that increase the likelihood they take more after him phenotypically? Or does the "type of white" matter? He's slavic with light features, and obvi most of mine is southern european, with darker features. Probably because I'm mixed, but I wouldn't really care if my kids looked nothing like me. Though I guess they probably still wouldn't look like him either, whcih is where you're saying the issue lies…

He's also catholic, and I was raised strictly catholic, so there's some shared culture there. That's leaving out the fact I'm in the U.S. and there aren't a whole lot of people from my country here, so I can't really partake in my culture even if I wanted to.

No. 266481

>It's also because of how he may perceive me tbh
This whole situation sounds like something you need to talk with him about, especially this part. Just tell him what you wrote here. Ask his perspective. Maybe he has similar insecurities, maybe not. He may not "get it" at all but if he's going to be your husband then he better be good at listening to you, supporting you, and helping you come to a decision that's best for you and your priorities. If you two can't have an honest discussion about this then yeah you should break it off.

No. 266499

I am the product of a white-Latino marriage (although my mom is the white one which can make for a different dynamic). I think you're reading into the annoying part of our culture a bit too much with the perceived colorism thing. There are 100% lots of people who marry white out of a self-hating feeling, but in my experience people can usually tell when that's the reason you're with them. If you genuinely love your fiancé, like my parents love each other, people will be a lot less inclined to give you shit over it by lumping you in with the colorist Latinos. My ex was Mexican and he was 100% a self-hating colorist, from what I tell his longest relationships have been with white girls. It was a different dynamic, if you're not going on about how "oh I'm mostly Spanish/Italian/whatever lighter skinned ethnicity" then I don't think people will think you're with your guy because of his skin color.

As for the being mixed thing, as long as you encourage any kids you have to be proud of both sides but also not make a big deal out of it, they'll probably end up fine. My siblings and I are all mixed and I think we ended up without hang-ups. Just make sure that if you have mixed kids they can speak Spanish lol. I do think being mixed with Latino of any kind is the best race to be mixed into because we're generally all mixed and thus much more accepting of each other than many other groups I've seen.

Anywho, sorry for popping off, I just really resonated with your situation and I don't want you to ruin a good thing because of cultural pressures. People will judge you for so many stupid things in general anyway, don't live your life based on that. Focus on what makes you happy. Wishing you the best, Nonita!

No. 266503

Even if you are a light-skinned black woman, your kids will still look like you and not like your white partner. It's something men don't think about when having mixed kids but it does end up bothering them eventually when everyone assumes their kids are not their kids and they don't see themselves in them.

No. 266524

Thanks anon, I just haven't brought it up yet because I thought it's silly.
Yeah that's a way different dynamic. Also, i guess idk, I'm not close to many people and that includes any white x hispanic couples, so I haven't been able to really observe and learn the differences between someone colorist and self-hating vs not. And yeah I don't, I only brought it up here in the context of what our kids might look like, even he doesn't know my genepool breakdown. I just identify as I and other people perceive me, and that is predominantly non-white.

I'm curious, who do you and your siblings take after the most? do you look like neither of your parents, or one more than the other?
Thankfully he said he would want them to be bilingual lol, he even is learning Spanish himself from me.
Also I agree but it's more that I wouldn't want my family pedestalizing my kids over their other cousins or something if they turn out to be lighter either, and thats what colorism does. They may not exclude anyone or doubt they belong, but there's def some ranking going on. And then there would be their dad side of the family I hadn't thought about, which also matters, would they exclude them if they don't look similar? What was your experience like?
I get what you're trying to say and not that it matters but I'm dark-skinned, and phenotype doesn't always reflect genotype so that's why I mentioned what percentage white I am. It's a bit rarer to be dark-skinned and more than half white than it is only half and light-skin ime. Which is why I was thinking they might look more like him. I even have three also dark-skinned cousins who had lighter kids.. One has a pale brunette daughter and an olive-skin toned blonde daughter with green eyes, the other a pale light brown haired with blue eyes son, and the last one a dark-skinned blonde daughter. I get that looking similar is not the same as identical though, but even then, looking at my family and most of them being pale and only a few of us being dark, I think they might more likely than not be lightskinned at the very least and less likely to be excluded because of it. I think that's what matters the most to white people than other coloring, I don't see them sticking redheads with redheads, grey eyes with grey eyes, and so on and so forth. Coloring is also the only thing me and my boyfriend have that is different, all of our facial features are pretty similar. He's not even similar to his own bio sister, she has light brown hair meanwhile he's blonde. You brought up alot to think about though and I will bring it up with him, thank you, soz for making this so long

No. 266527

oh and I forgot my mother in law also has black hair and his dad light, point is white people dont discriminate against eachother based on coloring so even if they end up black hair with black eyes but light skin, they would still be considered white enough???

just thinking aloud at this point, waiting for him to come back i'm just really nervous my bf is going to think i'm trying to call things off and using this as a cop-out

No. 266530

From a white's perspective it's bizarre how the whole making or breaking of this relationship is dependent on your skincolour and that of your hypothetical kids, sorry it had to be said.

No. 266531

File: 1653682516683.jpeg (46.79 KB, 468x412, 5F537A77-1B90-4EF4-AB8F-467FDC…)

No. 266532

Hard agree. This is so weird. I have a Mexican boyfriend and we've never gotten weird about our racial differences, even though it's a known trope and joked about how white girls are prized for Mexicans. We sometimes talk about cultural differences and how there's negatives and positives to both cultures. It weirds me out how anon is obsessed with her potential child's features, inb4 skull measuring.

To be honest, it's mostly white/latin backgrounds I see that get the most obsessed with "preserving" their ethnicity.

No. 266535

I'm >>266499 and my siblings and I take after my mom more. One sister is half-black (we just share a mom by blood) and she also turned out pretty white besides her curl pattern. I'm probably an outlier because a lot of people seem to take strongly after the non-white parent but it's never affected my experiences with my father. Granted both our families are accepting and we live in a liberal area of the US, but racism/colorism is not escapable. If your boyfriend has hangups about his kids possibly looking different from him that should be a reason to reconsider the relationship for sure. But you really need to look at how much of this is your anxiety and only in your head. I don't think that any relationship will be perfect in terms of race/culture unless you date someone the same culture and appearance as you, who has the same attitudes about it that you do. Realistically, you're going to have mixing to a degree and it's much better to find someone you like as a person before you focus on how your differences could possibly cause issues. If you guys already work well together, I don't see it getting worse when you take the next steps in life.

Again, I encourage you to just sit him down and have a conversation about it. You're getting to the point of over-analyzing phenotypes from my perspective, many of the issues you're nervous about are addressable once you know the mindset he has about it. Like, so what if your family puts a whiter kid you have on a pedestal? Just establish that as a boundary that you aren't okay with. There are so many things that come up in marriage and creating a family, I think you're better off just making sure where your partner stands and then tackling each issue as they come. Don't keep your life from progressing because something MIGHT happen. You got this, Nona.

No. 266543

What I'm not obsessed, I never really thought about what they might look like, anon literally said my bf might be bothered in the long run because they won't look completely like him. And it's not far-fetched, white men and non-white men are different. I was just taking into perspective what my family looks like and what it may predict they'd look like.
Makes sense, you did mention that colorist ex.

Also true, I don't know why I've been thinking about this lately I swear I didn't care before. Thank you for the great advice nonny!

No. 266573

I feel so empty and depressed and my boyfriend just couldn't care less. He always says he loves me and cares about me and wants to help but he'll do anything except give me reassurance, or better yet, come to fucking see me. He's UNEMPLOYED right now and yet I still see him MAYBE once every two weeks despite only living 25 minutes away from him because he's always "busy". It's always shit like mowing the lawn (he lives with his parents and his brother could easily do it) or some other lame excuse. I don't understand why he always talks about wanting to spend time with me and eventually get married when it seems like he avoids me like the fucking plague. He doesn't even call me anymore; I heard from him more when we were long distance (was in the military, just got out, I know) than I do now that the distance gap is closed. I just don't even know what to do anymore. Whenever I try to bring it up he just tells me I'm being ridiculous because "we saw eachother a week ago!" I am having a really hard time with depression and PTSD right now and all I want is support from anyone but especially him. I bend over fucking backwards to spend even a crumb of time with him despite the fact I'm working constantly yet he can't even put in less than the minimum effort, but then again this could all just be my depression talking. How do I even bring this up without breaking down like a snivelling little doormat? I'm crying just typing out this post. inb4 dump him I'm not in the headspace to do that and want to try to fix things before jumping to that option.

No. 266574

Because you specifically asked I’m not going to say it, but I beg of you, look at what you are considering a worthwhile relationship.
>Empty words of affection with zero action backing them up
>Doesn’t care about your feelings and dismisses your earnest pleas for more time together
>No job
>Lives with his parents
>Doesn’t bother to see you despite living close
Sure bring it up with him again, but you’ve already tried to discuss it and you know he doesn’t care. So what do you think will happen differently the next time? Here’s something you can try - give him a taste of his own medicine. He doesn’t want to be with you? Great. Ghost him for the next few months. See if he likes that then say he’s just overreacting when he complains about it (if he remembers you exist). Of course having to play stupid games like that and trying to convince someone to love you sounds like it wouldn’t help with your depression, would it?

No. 266575

>inb4 dump him I'm not in the headspace to do that and want to try to fix things before jumping to that option.
How exactly do you think it can be fixed… He just doesn't want to see you, it's that simple. Either you put up with this guy who clearly has lukewarm feelings for you and doesn't like being around you too often, or you grow up and dump him.

No. 266576

I guess you're right nonnas. I'm just so sad that the writing is this blatant on the wall. I love him so much and I don't understand what I did wrong to make him stop caring about me.

No. 266580

I doubt you did anything. I had a bf like him when I was younger (unemployed and reticent to spend time with me) and in retrospect it was definitely a 'him' problem. Unemployed men feel useless and pathetic (rightfully so) and hate being confronted by real life and other people's expectations. They prioritise escapism and avoiding responsibility over their relationships. Maybe he's depressed too, seems likely considering his situation and that's way more likely to make them solitary than want to spend time with you.

Anyway his reasons don't matter, the golden rule is that if he wanted to, he would. It might be hard breaking up but if you're struggling with mental health that's one less stressor in your life and eventually you'll be better off.

No. 266583

That's the thing. It's not your fault. You can be the most perfect woman in the world and still be mistreated by the majority of men. It has nothing to do with you, but everything to do with his character and who he is as a person. He's pathetic and weak. Trust me, you can find someone who will truly love and care about you, but you have to move on from this human refuse first.

No. 266596

I've been ignored, shut down, pushed away and passed off by my bf for nearly a whole fucking week now and I am just done. The fucker won't even talk to me about it, he just acts like he's busy and then gets annoyed and rolls his eyes when I state how much of an obvious problem it is. I'm really getting close to ending it. Why bother making an effort for someone that never makes an effort for you, right?

No. 266605

>late 20s virgin
>thought I found a Nigel, first man that did so much for me
>as time progresses he brings up the things he did for me (driving 40 minutes one way to see me, etc) and seems to resent that he did those things
>we have sex after a long time
>I have so much pain but bear through it
>Avpd fag so this it the most intimacy I've ever had + the stress of the pain makes me randomly cry during it
>He gets upset and says "I've been so patient with you"
>I clam up and leave the room
>He gets upset at that and asks if I ever think about anyone but myself
>I'm shocked and go silent (used to be a mute as a kid due to violence at home, sometimes it comes back when I'm extremely stressed and he knows this)
>"See you won't even communicate."
>I apologize and can barely speak
>Lay there with more tears streaming down
>I say I want to go home
>He asks "were not finishing are we…"
>I say no and he walks me to my car
>Later at home he calls me and berates me for leaving
>I'm stunned again at yet another thing I did wrong when all I want is to stop being stressed out
>He says when he asked me if we were done he couldn't believe I said yes and didn't try to get him off or (his words) "at least rub his balls"

This happened tonight. It's obvious Im done with him, but what's really crazy to be is how there was absolutely no sign of this at the beginning. I thought I found someone different. I feel like I got catfished, not by looks but by soul.

No. 266608

I'm really sorry anon, it goes without saying you should never have been treated like this. Sorry to rant in the relationships thread but men are a fucking disease and so ridiculously self centered. They want their own national holiday and 20 accolades for doing the bare minimum required to be a decent partner. I have paid for male partners' food and housing, taken them on trips, bought them thoughtful presents, done chores and tons of emotional labor and never once did I expect anything beyond maybe a thank you. Then they'd turn around and act like I was asking the world of them if I wanted them to clean up after themselves or put together a date for us. I can only imagine how much worse it is for mothers who do all that not only for husbands but for kids as well. I hope you block this asshole everywhere and never see him again. I know things are still really fresh but I hope you will keep an ear out for men resenting doing anything for you in the future. First sign of that and you should bounce. It should be a pleasure doing things for a partner, not a burden or a fucking video game where a guy thinks he can accrue enough points in order to score sex with you.

No. 266610

I don't know what to say, that's a horrible experience. Sorry anon.

No. 266612

Men really be out here blatantly expressing hatred and scorn towards their girlfriends and still get to keep them. I hope women keep waking up to this and realizing that yes, the very minimum requirement in a relationship should be that you like and enjoy spending time with one another. This guy sounds like complete garbage anon and I hope you read the two responses above you because they're really excellent posts. Too many women take it personally when a man doesn't respond to their feelings in kind but it almost always has nothing to do with your looks, personality or value as a person. Many men are so far up their own asses they couldn't recognize and appreciate a good woman if she was beating him in the face. (Which is really what they deserve instead of all the patience, empathy and consideration we show them.)

No. 266632

God I hate him so much. So evil to lead you on so much, especially after you told him about your childhood traumas. I'm so sorry this kind of thing happened to you anon

No. 266633

You are done with him, I hope you mean it, nonna. I went through a similar experience, and I think it's not uncommon for a first relationship of someone who was abused as a child. You yearn for someone who treats you right, it's only normal. You will get over it, I promise. You will find someone better, but unfortunately this had to happen in order for someone better to come along. Now you know to not put your trust and faith and wellbeing in someone else's hands - it has to come from within! Good luck!

No. 266666

I feel about ready to break up with my bf, we've been together for almost 5 years. Though Im switching between wanting to get married and wanting to leave.

The big problem is he never wants to do anything. I have planned every trip we've been on and I feel like if I left the house alone he would never once do a chore. We have a trip coming up and he's not once asked about what we'll do there or how to get there.

I feel at breaking point because tonight is a party with his friends and now he is saying he doesn't want to go. He'd rather sit alone in his room and play games. This is the first time since the pandemic we've been invited anywhere. He's been so pessimistic running up to it saying how he doesn't want to go and he thinks it'll be shit, it's kind of like so what if it is? why don't we just go anyway? We're not doing anything else! He always brings the mood down and when I manage to drag him somewhere he complains about how shit he feels whilst we are there and afterwards.

I guess I just want someone with more drive and optimism. Someone who is like "hey lets go here today!" or "lets do this it looks like fun!". He feels so deflated and content with everything and I just feel insanely bored and alone. I get maybe he's depressed or whatever but like…get it sorted? get help? it's been 4 years of this and I feel so tired. I just wonder if he'd be better as a good friend than a partner I can trust with half of my life.

No. 266667

sorry me again! but he also won't even tell his friends he's not coming!! he's leaving it to me to tell them when I get there (cause I'm definitely going, I wanna have some fun). UGH.

No. 266680

Introverts and extroverts just don't work together in a relationship. Sounds like he is an introvert and you are an extrovert. Me and my bf are both introverts and hate going to parties and love to just stay in and play videogames together and are very happy. You would probably be happier with another extrovert who wants to get out of the house and be around people all the time. Some people just don't enjoy that and you can't change that by dragging him along.

No. 266682

That's the thing, I feel quite introverted myself. This is the first party I'm going to in 2 years and it's mainly to see 1 friend who lives far away and is coming down for it (the party is only 5 people max as well so super chill). I'm really happy staying inside and not doing anything other than play games too but just for 1 thing on 1 weekend I feel like it's not too much to go along to something that his own friend is planning.

No. 266696

Thank you. I've been on a sad state for the last 12 hours but I'm just gonna cry it out and try to move on with life tomorrow.

No. 266701

He sounds like a huge whiny fag. Spending time with you is the bare minimum yet he can't even do that. I would break up with him too.

No. 266703

Well it sure doesn't sound like it, at least you made it sound like you want an extrovert boyfriend. An introverted person will never say "hey lets go here today!" or "lets do this it looks like fun!" like you want. He's comfortable staying home, you want go travel and meet friends. It's just not a match.

No. 266741

nta but I'm introverted and yet I wanted to go on holidays or to a show etc. with my bf. he never gave a fuck (also about cleaning house) and it had nothing to do with being an uwu introvert. he just did not care about me and stayed out of convenience. sorry to say, but op's bf situation sounds similar with how he doesn't even care where they are traveling to (my ex never cared to listen to a song or two by a band that I took him to see live)

No. 266788

you're not an introvert you're just antisocial and weird as fuck. it's totally normal for introverts to want to party and do normal stuff, just not all the time. shut in loser

No. 266813

maybe your relationship is just shit because you're a colossal bitch

No. 266814

op here, thanks for the different perspectives its given me a bit to think about. I'll probably talk it through with him today and see what he says. The party was pretty good BTW.

No. 266831

how do you know if your man wants to be dominated in bed? Mine has subby signs but im not sure if it’s just his personality?

>lives for being pet/stroked/gently touched

>curls up in the fetal position in my arms, absolutely loves cuddling
>likes hair stroking and pulling sometimes
>deep fear of abandonment/loneliness
>likes women in suits, women with muscles and generally tomboyish strong willed female characters
>very controlling unless he’s not sober

There’s definitely a power balance that is starting to shift, I just hate that it only happens when we’re under the influence. I was talking to him in a deep, assertive voice and he was rock hard. I don’t really like weak men, but there’s a huge difference between weak and vulnerable.

No. 266833

Is it normal to have sexual fantasies and/or masturbate to youtubers and celebrities or even anime/video game characters, when you have a bf? Is it more acceptable if they're 2D or does it not matter either way as long as you don't know them irl?

No. 266834

Probably will get shit for saying this but cooming while in a relationship is pretty retarded and honestly I find it disturbing. If you really think about sex and have sexual fantasies of others so often you even need to do it while being sexually active with a partner, then that's just too full on.

No. 266835

99 out of 100 men in relationships coom to porn but when a woman does we have to ask ourselves if it's "normal" and if it's "acceptable" towards her boyfriend? One could argue whether it's a healthy thing to do or not and that's fine but please let's not pretend this isn't normal because it's 100% is.

No. 266838

I never said men don't coom anon, I just said its disturbing. Which includes both genders. I don't even care if you're in a same sex relationship, but being a coomer while in a relationship with someone honestly sucks.

No. 266839

I 100% agree that cooming to anyone(/anything) but your partner in a relationship is degenerate but it's normal and acceptable in 2022 and that's what anon was asking. Normal meaning it's the standard, don't confuse "normal" with "it's a good thing".

No. 266841

Fine, even if its 'normal' I still think its not worth pursuing. OP is already coming in here having doubts about it which means she does have a streak of moral conscious deep down.

No. 266842

I don't know what to think about this. A few months ago a girl my boyfriend used to be in class in elementary school suddenly texted him on Instagram asking how he has been doing and If he would want to meet up with her to 'reconnect' since they used to be classmates. It's not a class reunion but a 1 on 1 meeting she wants to have with him. It's weird since she texted him about it a few months ago and he replied with 'I am in uni, stressed and havent got time, maybe some other time' which I found super weird because why wouldn't he want to make clear that he doesn't want to see her and instead give her hope and reinforce her acting? Told him the first time she texted him that I found it super odd since they were literally only classmates not even talking with each other and were just people having in the same class and barely acquaintances due to his narration (apart from being friends in kindergarten but that doesnt even truly count for me) so why would she want to reconnect with a person she never even had a real connection with but a literal stranger in that situation? A few days ago she texted him again (after months of no contact) and asked him again if he had time to meet up with her to which he replied 14 hours later with 'Yeah we can do that lets just see in the next few weeks' which I find super fucking weird since he barely finds time to meet (my rant here >>265040) but apparently can tell her that he could make time to meet with a literal nobody and a stranger? I was super pissed when he told me about this and said to him that I find it extremely odd, weird and just disrespectful of him to do that shit since he was really fucking overprotective of this and saying stuff like 'Why do you think so negatively of this situation? She just wants to reconnect with a few old classmates.' But like what the fuck you weren't even friends or talking to each other so why the fuck would she want to reconnect with you specifically (apart from her old girl friends from the past)? I told him my boundaries and that If he were to make time and meet with her this relationship would definietely suffer something he wouldn't be able to recover. After that he told me that I am too controlling and think of it 'too negatively' and that 'I cannot know if her intentions are weird oder bad' but like what the fuck neither can you so why are you so sure and dedicated to make time for her and meet with her 1 on 1 to reconnect with a literal nobody who was nothing of significance in the entirety of your life? I find this to be extremely fucking weird and don't have a good feeling about this yet I am still unsure If I am just overthinking and overreacting in this situation.

No. 266843

I'm in an LDR and we haven't been able to be around each other physically in months, I also have a high sex drive so I masturbate often, sometimes to him sometimes not, yeah I feel like it's a gray area though, again because like every man does this, just wondering though why is it not a good thing? I honestly can't imagine never feeling physical attraction to another person again for like 60 years and only ever masturbate thinking about one person

No. 266844

I personally live by the rules of "If I don't want him to do it to me, I'm not going to do it to him either". Personally I know for sure that my boyfriend does not watch porn, mostly due to the fact that we have been basically together 24/7 locked in a one bedroom apartment since covid and have a very active sex-life that wouldn't really leave him able to coom outside of that since I would notice if his performance decreased. I have no desire to watch porn but I even hide all the weird husbando-fag and "attractive men" threads on here because I would be uncomfortable if he looked at those sort of threads about women. If you would personally be hurt by your boyfriend cooming and watching other women, then you shouldn't do it either. Otherwise you can not expect him to do the same. It's give and take in a relationship and you have to live by the same standards, otherwise you can't hold your partner to them either.

No. 266845

You're planning to stay in a LDR for 60 years? Eventually you plan to move in together and actually have sex, no? Why don't you just have phone/cybersex with him so you can both get off to each other?

No. 266846

I'm in the same boat and opinion. Been with my bf for many years and have been living together for 3. We have plenty of sex and while we admit we were both coomers before our relationship, now it feels too disrespectful to go away somewhere secret and nut out to other people having sex or other people naked. It feels incredibly wrong and we've discussed why we're happy not to do it. I don't think that shit is acceptable in any relationship even if the world 'deems it ok'. The world deems a lot of gross shit as okay but that doesn't mean it's good to do it.

No. 266851

Are you asking if he's submissive or a bottom? A lot of men are bottoms and want to be acted upon, ravished, and have things done to them. Fewer are submissive and want to please you, match your preferences, and do what you'd like. From what you mentioned, he really sounds more like he's a selfish bottom, imo.

No. 266852

Yeah I used to be in a relationship with a guy who watched porn and I was deeply unhappy, but thought the issue was me because it was "normal" and society tells us that if you are not okay with your partner masturbating to other people you are "insecure". Now I am happier than ever and honestly the sex is the best I ever had because I know he is focused only on me and saves all of his sexual desires for me, I have never felt so beautiful or desired. We are together over 3 years but still have sex like in our honeymoon phase. We both put in a lot of effort for each other and it just feels natural and good.

No. 266853

In my last relationship of 6 years we both watched porn all those years and even went as so far as watching it together. I felt gross and disappointed the whole time. I eventually resented having sex with him and had major self image issues. The relationship I'm in now is basically like yours, it's the most intimate sex I've had because I know we don't watch porn (again, living together for 3 years we work from home too) and sometimes I'll do things like buy a sexy piece of lingerie and it drives us wild. Having that space to think about your partner exclusively and flirt with eachother is really special and something I lacked in my last relationship because the moment I got horny I would just watch porn or masturbate. Now if I get horny I talk to my bf or we kiss or just have nice cuddles with eachother which can or can not lead to sex, but I would never give up this feeling for porn ever again.

No. 266855

Judging by your last response and the way he has handled this situation, he really doesn't care about your boundaries at all. It seems like he is barely in love with you, if at all, and probably just enjoys your company surface level but doesn't actually feel that deeply about you.

No. 266863

I don't think being in a relationship means you have to give up masturbating to some totally unattainable fantasy person every now and then. You can't police someones thoughts to erase all those celebs they already took a liking to before you ever even met each other. I see it as harmless within moderation.

My crush rn is my fave musician. I've always had fussy and very limited taste in music so he's pretty much all I listen to and is important to me in that respect too. He appeals to me for multiple reasons, some very meaningful and some hormone based lol. If I meet someone tomorrow I don't feel like that side of things will just go away and I wouldn't want someone banning me from playing his shit out of concern either. I think it's good to find a balance of not being too blatent about it or upsetting your partner by banging on about crushes too much or rubbing it in their face, but also not being in total denial that celeb crushes can follow you in and out of your relationships and last the distance. I extend the same rules to others. You like an actress.. she looks good in her latest film… I don't need to know all the details but there's no way it's going to manifest into anything real so I won't lose sleep over it.

I think porn stars are different obviously, there's a world of difference between having to purely imagine what your crush even looks like naked and there being an extensive catalogue of them having every crazy type of sex out there. That stuff bleeds into relationships on a different level and affects your sex life in ways that don't compare to liking a singer, an actor or a made up character.

No. 266864

Thank you for making this distinction, spot on

No. 266865

i'm not the anon that asked for advice and the other anon literally sounds like an incel massively coping about how "introverts" like her totally don't want to do anything besides sit at home and be half disabled.

No. 266873

I dont read this and think depressed or super introverted. He doesn't take initiative to do chores and he leaves things like planning and communication up to you.. he sounds complacent and like he takes it for granted that you'll manage those things unaided. Lots of men who aren't depressed or unwell do this too… they dump forms of emotional labour on women without a second thought. Chores too. Some men just think they're above tasks like that and they don't value you for stepping up and being the organiser, the social planner, the holiday planner, the tidy upper, the one keeping in touch with your mutual friends and family. I don't blame you being sick of it if 4 out of your 5 years together have been this. He got comfortable real quick.

No. 266897

You sounded like a colossal bitch and honestly kind of like a scrote.

No. 266900

I guess we have very different views of what a relationship should be then. I also don't crush on other people when I am in a relationship, to me all intimacy is reserved for my partner and to me it's not a healthy relationship if you develop feelings (sexual or emotional) for other people. I just can't relate to that at all, but if you are fine with your partner and you both having crushes on other people and masturbating to other people then I guess that's fine. Just doesn't seem like real love to me.

No. 266904

i don't care lol

No. 266917

Not going to happen soon, but I swear to God, if I really wanted to go the non-traditional route and it being me proposing to my boyfriend, it would be way too soon compared to if he did it. I cannot be trusted with these decisions. My emotions are already too intense. If this were a homosexual relationship, I would still put that pressure of proposing on my girlfriend. I am too much of a romantic.

No. 266921

>This is some underage high school type of shit not something a grown woman would say.
No need to disparage other people because you have lower standards, kek

No. 266927

I agree with you, but people here will call you immature or declare your moid is secretly looking at porn. They apparently can make the claim that all 5 billion moids on this earth would look at porn behind their partners' backs. They are just seething because they resolved themselves to that falsehood and would rather drag you down ie. crab bucket mentality. Enjoy your relationship, nonna.

No. 266933

“Not all men” but most do watch porn and lie about it and many women have been duped thinking their nigel is one of the good ones. You just never know unless you have access to all his tech and even then burner phones/hidden accounts are a thing. Modern technology makes it very easy to cover your tracks. I was in a relationship with a man who was “with me all the time” but eventually I found out he was jacking off in the bathroom and when I was asleep. We had an active sex life, nothing seemed off. I’m not saying every single man alive is like this but it really pays never to get too comfortable.

No. 266939

I'm curious anon, how long have you been in your relationship? That's sweet that you are dedicated to only your partner but most people don't magically stop being attracted to others while in a relationship nor can you always control when you develop feelings. You can however, keep these feelings in check by letting them pass while still focusing on your partner. I don't think a harmless fantasy here and there is a dealbreaker, especially in a longterm relationship that spans a decade or more.

No. 266940

I get it, I really do, and I'm sorry that happened to you. I'm pretty paranoid of men myself, and I know how vile and conniving they can be. That being said, I'm not automatically going to assume that anon's bf is sneaking off watching porn behind her back unless she gives me reason to suspect it. I am going to her assume that she is discerning and she deemed her bf emotionally intelligent and empathetic enough that he wouldn't do that.

No. 266960

Yeah it's not porn of them it's just my imagination. Idk I do still feel bad about it though because I feel like I shouldn't be imagining sexual encounters with another person… I obviously don't have these thoughts when we are together, it's just when we haven't seen each other for months. Once I see him again it's like I "remember" how attracted I am to him and stop seeing other guys in a sexual way. LDR when you're a horny degenerate sucks nonnies. I don't want to move in with him across the country yet because I moved in w a bf before and it didn't work out.

No. 266965

Anons i feel like i'm ready to date someone and be in a relationship but at the same time i feel like not having full on perfect selfsteem might cause problems
What's the worse thing that could happen?

No. 266967

The worst? Dating a man there is risk of being abused, extorted, maimed, killed, etc. This is not a joke. If you have any doubts about your ability to stay safe, enforce your boundaries, and leave at the first sign of anything fishy, then don't start.

No. 267002

I think it's possible to date while having middling self esteem if you are capable of maintaining firm boundaries and have a strong understanding of what subtly abusive behaviors look like. That being said those things are much easier to achieve when you do have high self esteem.

No. 267022

Your jealousy is so apparent, lol. Keep settling for coomer moids while you coom to Justin Bieber or your furry-OC's and keep telling yourself that's a healthy relationship.

No. 267030

File: 1653902705678.gif (431.59 KB, 370x300, gif.gif)

Nonnies, would you take back someone in your life (online) that you don't want to be in a relationship with or friends with, but just want for entertainment?

No. 267031

It would probably result in a lot of effort for little reward so probably no, watch a tv show or movie instead lol

No. 267042

Get a small pet like a fish instead

No. 267044

get a hobby jfc

No. 267051

File: 1653913839175.jpeg (52.91 KB, 800x450, F13B9FBC-D7EB-426C-872C-AE6209…)

Male friends don't actually exist, right?
I'm saying this as a spergy unfeminine ex-nlog who feels alienated from and intimidated by the majority of women, much like large parts of lolcow's userbase. I've had problems making friends my entire life so I gravitate towards weird/nerdy men that don't "judge" me (oh but they do)

I used to be naive and think I could have a close intimate platonic relationship with a man but I (picrel) flip-flop between getting very angry at him, being in love with him, and being disgusted by him - 50/50 it's me being intense and him legitimately being disappointing and constantly hurting me with his apathy and random intimacy.

I do think I'll always have an unrequited crush on him, he used to like me when I was younger but I'm sure (even if he likes the convenience of having me around) that he has zero feelings for me, and likely does not care much for me as a person even in our "friendship". He really, really hurt me a while back and that wound keeps being reopened when I get too close to him.

Should I cut him off? He's essentially my only friend since years back and knows more about me than anyone else. It's painful to stay but I know I'd lose a lot if I imploded the relationship, even though that's what someone with self esteem would do. He has some very positive effects on me and I have mutual acquaintances that might be good to have access to.

I often feel like he's hanging out with me as he would with a weird quirky internet friend that he can share memes to and sometimes vent to without worrying about judgement from people that truly matter… While I really like him and depend on him. I care far more about him, that's for sure. And maybe it would be better to draw a line in the sand:
>either you have me in your life in the form of a meaningful relationship or we part ways
Aka we part ways.

It's ruinous for my already abysmal self esteem to be with people who are embarrassed by me, but what do I do if that's all I ever get? Is it worse than being isolated? I feel like I will never find friends who genuinely like me. I'm an incredibly unattractive autist with social anxiety, depression and learned helplessness. Aka a loser people rightfully are ashamed of hanging with. It's annoying to be around passive and insecure people so I understand it.

No. 267054

I allowed a man to call himself my friend ONCE and he immediately began complaining about how this one girl refused to suck his dick -1000/10 do not recommend men as friends

No. 267055

Women can be friends with men, but men cannot be friends with women. Therefore friendship between man and woman makes no sense.

No. 267056

I've thought the exact same words before, you're probably right.

No. 267057

Yh they always triangulate you with other women or relax and go full incel when they don't register you as female lol

No. 267058

It sounds like your problem has less to do with this guy and more to do with your abysmal self image. Not saying that he's a good friend or even a good person, obvi. I certainly don't think you should keep him in your life. You allow people to mistreat you and you tolerate all this stress and disappointment because you believe that (a) this is what you deserve, (b) that raising your standard's is too dangerous, and (c) no one could ever love you. I am here to tell you now that these beliefs are false. At risk of sounding super cheesy, no matter how "unattractive" or "weird" you are, you deserve to be loved and cherished in mutually fulfilling friendships.
And I'm not going to say "you just have to find the right people!" You don't need to "fix yourself" in the traditional sense either. You don't need to perform femininity, repress your personality, or take up normie hobbies. What you need to do is examine your life and commit to treating yourself better. Practice positive self talk. Practice body neutrality. Meditate. Take care of yourself. It makes me so sad when anons come on here obviously traumatised and in poor mental health, writing paragraphs to justify staying in a toxic relationship, sprinkled with seemingly factual declarations that they are unlikable and undeserving. You deserve better Nona. That's the truth. Self love is not a substitute for the love of friends and family, but when you enter into relationships from a place of strength and confidence, you won't allow yourself to be treated this way because you'll know the truth too.

No. 267062

What a wonderful reply nona, thank you so much for typing out that for me. You sound like a very empathetic person and I will take what you wrote to heart, saved.

No. 267093

File: 1653934199466.png (428.64 KB, 640x806, 1624819361795.png)

So there's this guy that I find really cute and we have similar interests and I love talking to him, but I don't know how I'd feel about doing anything more than kissing him. I'm sexually confused and I know I like women in that way, but my autism makes it hard to determine how I feel about men. I'd love to go on cute dates and cuddle and whatnot, but the idea of actually fucking men is not very appealing to me. Idk if getting involved with him would be a mistake then, or if it might end up turning out alright.

No. 267094

judge me all you want, but somehow we both got very lucky

No. 267123

you never talked to him about it before? ever?

No. 267131

Long story short, I have a rough home life that stresses me out a lot almost every week, and sometimes it gets to the point where I end up wanting to tell my boyfriend, but the times I have he gets overwhelmed and now I just think it's better not to open up at all. Should I get therapy nonnas. I think I need to accept he absolutely cannot handle strong emotional stuff. He came from a pretty much healthy and good family.

No. 267137

Update: That night left me with what I think is a UTI, days long vaginal pain and lots of bruising. As well as depression. I bitched him out via text and said exactly how fucked up everything he did was. I could never do it confidently speaking so texting was all I could do. I am really nervous because I never stood up for myself like that and hope I didn't come across unhinged and like another "crazy ex" trope. I guess I'm just venting at this point so I'll sage, but I appreciate the support I got here. The only person I have to talk to is my mom and she would be upset with me for this because he has a good job and is our religion.

But it's really hard dealing with heartbreak, I was in bed for 30 hours and intermittently sobbing every hour or so kek. Even had to hide the wedding thread. I was really planning a future and everything with him. I thought I got randomly blessed for once and then suddenly mask off.

I appreciate you nonnies. Becoming a cat lady is honestly more appealing to me now that I've tested dating. I would rather live with you ladies than attempt this love thing again anytime soon.

No. 267170

Hey Nonnies my girlfriend of 2 years just found out she has lupus. Before finding out she started getting real snippy with me because of work. I told her I wasn't going to be her punching bag and to take some time to cool off. It's been two weeks now and she needs more time. She's acting all depressed and just totally pushed me out of her life. She acts normal to everyone else except me. I know it's probably really upsetting to learn you have lupus but idk how much I should put up with. I was in a really abusive relationship before so I immediately want to shut down any bad treatment but I know I'm not perfect and I should be more patient? But how patient should I be?

No. 267172

I hope he bleeds to death by violent reactal rape

No. 267178

Honestly, good on you. You did the right thing because that guy sounds like he was using you up. Please take care.

No. 267196

In my opinion 2 weeks is a while to need time for cooling off, especially when she's acting normal with other people. If I were you I would communicate with her to figure out where you two stand. Of course this is likely really hard on her, but if she's using you to get her negative emotions out then it isn't fair to you either. Are you okay with the possibility that this may never go away if you two stay together? What if something else negative and stressful happens to you and she ramps it up even more? She's shown you how she will react, now it's up to you to decide whether or not to draw the line here.

No. 267225

Wish I could give you a hug anon. I'm proud of you for giving him a piece of your mind through whatever means you could manage. It doesn't matter what he thinks at this point, the important part is the venting was likely cathartic to you. Cats are awesome, friends are awesome, I'm sorry your mom wouldn't react well but you can get through this. All scrotes belong in a spike pit unless they really go above and beyond to prove themselves to you. It's okay to feel like crap for a while, but be kind to yourself.

No. 267278

Roast me nonnas
>be me
>Bisexual bpd mess but happily married
>Few years ago kissed a woman at a party and became suicidal from guilt
>Fantasised about polyamory as the only way to save my marriage but knew husband wouldn't go for it
>Overcome by dread that I would cheat on him for real and decide divorce would be better because I'm a ticking timebomb
>Tell him all this and he says he'll do anything to make our marriage work
>He reads about poly and gets super into the concept
>He starts going to poly meetups (not a hookup thing just like a club with discussions)
>I go a few times but it's filled with exactly who you'd expect
>He keeps going and tells all our friends we're poly
>I feel cringe about it but it makes him happy
>He goes on medication that kills his libido so we barely have sex but he still pursues poly
>I tell him it hurts he's not meeting my sexual needs but still wants to go out and fuck other people
>bUt bAbE iTs A LiFeStYle
>We talk about him hooking up with a mutual friend, I say that's fine in theory
>He blindsides me by having sex with her the next day and only telling me after it happens
>He didn't realise I'd be mad uwu
>I try to hook up with women in retaliation but nothing feels right, it's just messy and I feel bad
>He randomly mentions he can't imagine himself going back to monogamy even though he's had a grand total of one hookup
>Tbh I think he's very invested in the harem fantasy when all poly brought us irl is pain and drama
>I realise I do love him very much but he's just a moid at heart and I probably won't be happy with him in the long run, I want to grow old with a woman who loves me enough to not do this shit
>Around this time the poly meetups are cancelled due to covid
>I tell him poly is not working for me and maybe we need to press pause and work on our relationship
>He says okay
>Things are peaceful for a while
>Last night he tells me as I'm falling asleep oh by the way, the poly meetup is back on so I'm going this weekend
>I seethe

I'm so angry at myself that I started all this bullshit. My questions
>is he lying / exaggerating his libido problems because he's not attracted to me anymore?
>Should I just tag along and say the new rule is we only have sex together with a third or another couple?
>Should I risk telling him it's all off?
And before you say dump him, like I said I know this won't work forever. I am biding my time because firstly, I do like him as a life partner right now on a practical level (sharing responsibilities and finances) and second, I'm not good at being single so when I meet The One I can just uh, switch.
And no he's not in control of my finances. I have my own accounts and savings so if shit really hits the fan I can just go.

No. 267279

>but he's just a moid at heart and I probably won't be happy with him in the long run, I want to grow old with a woman who loves me enough to not do this shit
BUT IT WAS YOUR IDEA! You literally asked for a poly-relationship so you could cheat on your husband and then when he cheats on you you say "wow what a moid, only women can know true love". Lmfao. You did it first.

This is honestly so retarded this has to be bait. No way is anyone this stupid outside of reddit.

No. 267281

You get what you fucking deserve, bpd-chan.

No. 267282

I can't believe I wasted my time reading something this stupid lmao

No. 267285

Yeah I know it's hard to believe but I really am that retarded. In my ideal world neither of us would feel guilt because it was allowed. But in reality, I still feel cheated on, and like I cheated on him. But he feels perfectly fine about it.
You don't know how you're going to feel about it until it actually happens. I didn't bait and switch him on purpose, I just didn't know I would hate poly this much.

No. 267287

If it's real then I feel really bad for you anon and since you can very clearly tell what you want and how are you feeling, you must share it with him, not just us. In the end it all started with him saying that he would do anything to save your marriage, and that should include stopping with this whole poly relationship thing.
I know I would never be able to get over the feeling of getting betrayed and I would never be able to build the trust back, so you should take this eventuality into account too, especially being BPD.

No. 267288

You got what you asked for, I don't feel bad for you at all.

No. 267289

You wanted to cheat on him, and he wants to do the same to you? What's the damn problem? You guys are perfect for each other.

No. 267292

this is one of the 'you made your bed, now lie it in' situations

No. 267295

>I'm not good at being single so when I meet The One I can just uh, switch.
Anon, this is just such a fucking bad idea. I don't really get why you did any of this to yourself, but why then drag it out and make it worse just to avoid being single? You feel cheated on and like a cheater because poly is cheating, but he doesn't because men are better at memeing themselves into the idea that there is really such a thing as ethical cheating. You're going to continue to feel worse in this relationship and it's going to drive your self confidence into the ground as he cheats on you with other women, probably prompting you to make more bad decisions which compound and make your life harder and give you less reason to actually better your situation in any meaningful way. Also you might want to look into DBT so you can develop tools to be less impulsive, it could help you avoid doing something like this again.

No. 267296

Yes that first hookup changed how I see him forever. It was kind of a relief because I used to feel like he was so perfect and I didn't deserve him because I'm so broken. Now I still love him very much, but it's more of a normal conditional love, like an even playing field. Like I wouldn't die if he left me. My main priority is keeping the peace while not feeling like shit. I think the best way to do that is accept that we are basically roommates with occasional benefits and not some earth shattering love story. Of course I still want to have sex and feel wanted. I hate that I have to date to get it now. Shitty small talk with boring people is so dull. Poly crowds are full of dogs too. But his actions are clear that he doesn't want to be monogamous with me. It is what it is. I don't want to sit home feeling ugly and rejected while he pursues his LiFeStYLe.

No. 267301

>why then drag it out and make it worse just to avoid being single?
Being around others keeps me grounded. I've never lived by myself because I'm afraid I'd rope on a whim after a bad day. And I'm in my late 20s so it's unusual to have a roommate when you're doing okay financially. I know that's just an excuse and I need to work on myself. I'm not easy to live with. I can't imagine being healthy and stable enough to have a partner without some terrible compromise like this. Like Bo Burnham says, Prince Charming would never settle for me.

No. 267302

Karma sure is sweet. Off to your next relationship, until you ruin that one too. Btw you should mention your BPD on the first date so you don't waste people's time.

No. 267304

If you felt like he was so perfect, why did you cheat on him? Weird reasoning.

No. 267305

What karma? I kissed a girl while drunk at a party and felt so guilty and afraid of hurting him I'd rather divorce than risk my impulsive nature hurting him with real cheating. I got memed into thinking poly is the ethical solution that could save my marriage. Then after one conversation, I am lying on the couch with endo pains looking a mess, and he comes in telling me he just fucked our friend and expects a high five from me? All while he's rejecting my advances 90% of the time. I know I'm an impulsive retard but I don't see how that lines up as karma.

No. 267307

File: 1654016234789.jpg (228.64 KB, 2048x1355, tCu7BYX.jpg)

There is a guy who a public figure, not like super famous but was really talked about years ago. Back then I wanted to talk to him so much but of course it never happened. Anyway he was completely out of the public eye for a long time, he just came back on social media recently, but obviously I gradually stopped caring because I just never heard anything about him and I'm not obsessive. Anyway I casually interacted with some stuff he posted, not expecting anything obviously, but somehow he saw my photos and messaged me with shit like if I think he's too old for me and he thinks I'm attractive. He comes across as very aloof, but this guy used to be like the second coming of jesus to me (obviously exaggerating, but I really liked him) so of course it felt so nice to hear that even now. But I don't know how to feel about it, obviously he doesn't really give a shit but I don't know if I should just not engage because my brain goes like picrel about him for various reasons. He's extremely intelligent, and much older than me so I feel inadequate anyway.

No. 267308

You know he’s too old for you and he knows it too, don’t bother. Listen to your gut.

No. 267310

Damn I really wish I could guess which public figure you're talking about. I'm just going to say that I hope for your sake it isn't like, Projared or something.

No. 267314

I mean he's not ancient, he's 40s and I'm 20s. I apparently look younger because a lot of the time the first thing men ask is if I'm old enough, but it kind of bothers me when men just want to make sure you're legal because those are the types who are not interested in their own age group usually.

Lol it's not Projared

No. 267324

You cheated on your husband and opened the relationship so you could cheat without a bad conscience and now you're getting cheated on instead. It's Karma.

No. 267329

Nayrt but you sound like a femcel with this take. Everyone's an idiot in this story and it's probably a copypasta from Reddit anyways

No. 267333

hate cheaters. simple as.

No. 267345

Yeah as tempting as it is, men who go after women half their age are gross. I’m early 20s and can’t imagine even hanging around a man in his 40s

No. 267360

Unironically do yourself a favour and get professional help for your bpd if you haven't already and learn to be single. It's a good thing to be able to be single too especially if you can't handle relationships like you don't sound like you're able to.

No. 267362

There's only three reasons a man in his 40s is interested in an early 20s woman:
>At best he's immature and can't level with women his own age
>He chases youthful looks, which you won't have forever either so it doesn't make him a reliable long-term partner
>He chases (relative) inexperience/naivity/power imbalance in his favour to take advantage of it
None of these are any good. A well adjusted, emotionally mature man in his 40s with a healthy outlook on women doesn't date 20 somethings.

No. 267370

>he saw my photos and messaged me with shit like if I think he's too old for me and he thinks I'm attractive
Ew anon if you actually still find this man remotely attractive after doing this shit please work on your self esteem.
>He comes across as very aloof
Yeah well not anymore huh? He's outed himself as a creeper who messages young women he doesn't know to hook up with them. I don't know how you can still look up to him after this. No matter how book smart he is in the end he's still a gross scrote trying to get his dick wet.
>he's 40s and I'm 20s
Massive difference in life experience and self knowledge. If you want to interact with him then no one can stop you, but he clearly he only wants sex and if that's what you're after then why not go after with someone your own age who actually has a nice body and stamina? I used to fall for the "older men are sooo mature and cool" meme too but in reality they don't and shouldn't have anything in common with you. If they do, it's because they're manchildren.
>I feel inadequate
You shouldn't, he's trash.

No. 267374

Yeah to be honest, if it was just some random guy I wouldn't bother responding to that type of message.

And I mean he was speaking to me in a really aloof way, like I was kind of like am I inconveniencing him by answering his questions?
Thanks for being realistic though, I know it should be disillusioning, it's just even if I'm not infatuated with him anymore, it's hard to acknowledge it's kinda lame because I still feel like he's unique. He's isn't considered attractive I think but he makes me feel things lol.
And I used to be into much older men too, now I feel like even 10 years is kinda pushing it, mostly because a lot of men who are only into younger women really suck from what I've seen. Also most men don't age as well as they think they do lol

No. 267559

prefacing this with the fact that I love my husband a lot and our relationship is good

my husband and i have come to know each other's boundaries, but I feel like he doesn't know his own quite well, and it sometimes can ruin a night out/event we both plan on doing together.

Example: Concerts. He always suggests we go to concerts, but he hates loud noises and being in close contact with people. So far, he's had to just go home after the last 3 concerts he's been to because it was too much.

We are going to a concert tonight (a band he really likes), and he wants to go early to be closer to the stage. I said "being in general admission while close to the stage won't be good for you, we should hang back from the stage." His response was more or less "Isn't that up for me to decide?"

A part of me is a little irritated that he isn't connecting the dots that he just doesn't like concerts (well the kind of concerts his fave bands throw), but that would feel really weird for me to say to him? like telling him his own interests? idk why he's weirdly not bright when it comes to shit he dislikes

No. 267583

If you're both going to the concert together and you suggest something then no matter what the reason is for suggesting it, I think
>"Isn't that up for me to decide?"
Is kind of a pigheaded response from him isn't it. You're both going together… both get to discuss the details of the night and have a say. I don't care if he likes the band more or he bought the tickets or whatever. That's kinda fucked. That and you appear to be making a good point so its two layers of fucked

No. 267584

>but that would feel really weird for me to say to him? like telling him his own interests?
You could just talk to him instead you're writing down paragraphs here. Idk anon from my perspective you're making things unnecersarily difficult for yourself. Just tell him he doesn't actually like concerts (just the musi) since apparantly he isn't connecting the dots himself, or tell him you'll only go on the condition you won't leave early. You could stay silent but what's the point in that? You'd just get more irritated. Also agree with what >>267583 said about you two going together

No. 267597

his response was directed at him being the one to decide whether or not he likes it or not, but i agree in the fact that it does involve me ultimately. if he doesn’t like it, then we both might go home. thnx anon

the point of this fucking thread is to write paragraphs and discuss potential relationship issues, i don’t get why me asking here first is a problem? that’s the premise of the thread?

No. 267603

Just stay and let him go home and be a bitch baby by himself.

No. 267610

just talk to him about it. there's not reason in waiting for him to come to some kind of realization as he clearly isn't doing that. Just straight up tell him what you're writing here, simple as.

No. 267615

Honestly I do feel like it's his choice, but you can tell him what you think and not go with him, or stay if he wants to go home. I play a lot of games that are too hard for me and sometimes get frustrating af and I abandon them, but it would annoy me if my boyfriend started telling me not to play them because "I don't like them"

No. 267616

> A part of me is a little irritated that he isn't connecting the dots that he just doesn't like concerts (well the kind of concerts his fave bands throw), but that would feel really weird for me to say to him?

just phrase it less directly. like,

> are you sure you want to go? you don't seem to enjoy concerts that much, the last few times XYZ happened and we had to leave early

instead of telling him he doesn't like concerts. because he could, despite getting overwhelmed. maybe he keeps going because he's trying to get used to them, idk.

People seem to be more receptive if you just point out a pattern of behavior you notice rather than trying to tell them directly how they feel/think. Anyway, does he use earplugs? If not he should. Maybe that will help the experience, I could never watch a concert without them.

No. 267686

what makes someone prefer to write their relationship "problems" in this thread rather than directly say it to their partners i'll just never understand

No. 267688

Sometimes it's easier once you type it out and discuss with strangers first

No. 267710

Because your partner isn't going to always be the best person to talk to, especially if it's about issues they're creating. Men have ego problems and can't handle being wrong for something.

And I can't speak for other nonas but I only reach out beyond my relationship when trying to communicate ends up going nowhere.

No. 267717

>Because your partner isn't going to always be the best person to talk to, especially if it's about issues they're creating. Men have ego problems and can't handle being wrong for something.
Then that shows they aren't fit to be in a relationship, simple as. If you can't even speak to your partner and solve this issues together, what good are they for? Settling for someone who doesn't listen to you is a surefire way to be miserable in a relationship.

No. 267723

Nta and I agree, but when I was naive and in a bad relationship I truly believed the issues my bf was creating could be solved if I just "communicated" to him the right way. I figured if what I was saying didn't work, then maybe I was phrasing it wrong and other people would have a better idea of the words I should use. If you look through this thread and prior ones or anywhere a woman is asking about her relationship, you'll see it constantly.
>I've talked to my boyfriend about the same issue 127 times and it gets better for a few days but then he goes back to doing the same thing. I must not be explaining it to him in the right way, otherwise he would do it. What's that, I'm enabling him by staying in the relationship when he clearly doesn't respect me at all? Oh no no, however could you think that? We love each other so much, he even bought flowers for my birthday once. Well it was actually two days after my birthday, but it's the thought that counts! He's just a big baby boy who doesn't understand simple words repeated over and over and over. What is the proper way to teach him how to do what I want?
We're meme'd into thinking there are magical words that can make a man who doesn't give a shit finally listen and care. Of course there aren't, but most anons and women in general don't understand that out of the gate. Try not to blame them. The relationship industry has made millions on gaslighting women into thinking any problem can be solved if they simply keep talking about it.

No. 267755

I'd love to hear from anyone in a relationship that started out long distance. I'm okay at picking up signals and flirting in real life, but I've never done long distance before, so I'm a little lost.
basically there's this friend I made online (I know) a few years ago because we have mutual friends and followed each other on social media despite living on different coasts. it was a pretty casual thing where we'd dm occasionally and share memes, but last summer we started talking a lot more, snapchatting, etc. over the last few months he's become the person I text most often, and we've really connected, even hanging out on discord. honestly, at first it was just nice to have someone to talk to while everything was still closed down last year, but I've definitely developed some feelings for him.
Here's the thing: I have no idea if it's all been explicitly romantic. he's definitely flirty and complimentary, but I know that he's outgoing and for a while I brushed it off as part of who he is. based on the amount of time we spend talking and some of the flirting I have reason to believe that his intentions are romantic, but he's never asked me out or explicitly said that he feels that way.
I'm basically wondering if I can expect him to ask me out or say something about his intentions. What signals should I look for that would indicate romantic intentions? If I felt more sure that he wants a relationship, I would happily pluck up the courage to say something, and figure out how a ldr would work from there. Again, if we spent less time together I would say it's a normal friendship, but we talk A LOT.
Alternately, if you can think of why a man would spend several months talking to a woman and spending many evenings watching/playing shit with her without making a move, I'd love to hear it lol

No. 267758

>why a man would spend several months talking to a woman and spending many evenings watching/playing shit with her without making a move
Loneliness, emotional validation, female companionship without the need to put in effort, boredom, limerence, keeping his options open, immaturity.
>if I can expect him to ask me out or say something about his intentions
If he hasn't done any of this over the span of years then he has no real intent to pursue you and is just enjoying the pseudo-romantic attention and flirtation you engage in. LDRs are a meme for a reason, don't spend your time and energy on someone who is not serious. And before you come at me for not understanding, I say this as someone who did transition from LDR to marriage (did not last), but we were making plans to move to the same location within months of meeting. Also would never do it again. There is so much information about someone you can only obtain from regularly seeing them face to face. If one of you moved near the other person's location for unrelated reasons, then considering a relationship might make sense, but that's not happening.

No. 267767

>Loneliness, emotional validation, female companionship without the need to put in effort, boredom, limerence, keeping his options open, immaturity.
>If he hasn't done any of this over the span of years then he has no real intent to pursue you and is just enjoying the pseudo-romantic attention and flirtation you engage in.

Yeah, that sounds right. I came to a similar conclusion a month or so ago, actually, and took a step away from responding to him. He backed off a bit, but after a few weeks he reinitiated contact, and here we are. To an extent, it's my pride that's keeping me on the line at this point: I don't want to admit to myself that I've basically been strung along. Facing that possibility makes me feel stupid, so it's almost easier to remain in this limbo and pretend it could turn into something more for the sake of my own ego. Well, that and I really do like him. I get my fair share of male attention, but I very rarely connect with men, for obvious reasons. And I really really don't want to go through the dating app ringer.
oh well. I think I needed external confirmation that this is going nowhere, so thanks.

No. 267771

Don't be too hard on yourself nona, almost everyone has been there. Especially with the pandemic a lot of people have been seeking human contact wherever they can get it. It's also natural to wish circumstances were different if you meet someone you click with and they live far away. You should always prioritize yourself though, and it's never worth it to uproot your whole life for someone you don't really know. It's a sunk cost fallacy to think you need to push for a relationship just because you've spent a lot of time talking. There are plenty of fulfilling things you could be doing outside of hanging with him and even outside of dating in general. You're approaching this in a mature and reasonable way, so that speaks to a positive outlook.

No. 267800

He sounds autistic. I'd recommend getting him ear plugs for concerts to dull the sensory overload, it's what I do and I'm able to go to loud punk gigs easy.

No. 267801

This is a pretty normal practice for women, anon. Talking about your issues with friends and verbalising them can often recontexualize what you'd previously thought was pretty straight forward. Often you can't really see a viable solution to something when you're in the middle of it, which is why talking to people outside of it can offer a less biased way of looking at it.

No. 267870

so women are retarded and need strangers (not even friends, strangers) to tell them what to do because they can't think of a solution on their own(USER HAS BEEN PUT OUT TO PASTURE)

No. 267871


Just coming back to let you all know I finally did it, and I want to thank you all for helping me reach this point. Its going to be ugly but I think I get through this.

No. 267882

so happy to hear that nonna, also amazing props to all of the responses.

you can do it, it's not easy, but you've already done one of the hardest parts.

No. 267918

I need some (a LOT) help with a very basic "how do I drop hints to this dude I like". I have known him for 10 years and I have had these on-off feelings towards him basically the whole time but now I am pretty damn sure I'm serious with this. I spent some years abroad so it's not like we would have been super close for the whole ten years but we've been talking more during the past few years since I moved back.

The issue number one: I am socially about as skilled as a sea cucumber. I don't do relationships, I can't form new friendships and idk how to read other people. I'm a fun combination of being super introverted, some personality disorder issues and a fucked up developmental period during which I failed to learn any advanced social skills. I'm so dumb that I had a guy telling me he loves me for literal years before one day I realised he was serious and not just joking.

This ties into issue number two: since I can't read people I have no fucking clue if he has any sort of similar feelings towards me. And since I don't know if we're on the same page - or even on the same damn library - I would like to drop hints, not an atom bomb about my feelings just in case he doesn't feel the same way. I don't want to make things awkward between us or ruin our friendship or stuff just because I would like us to be "more than just friends".

tl:dr; please help a socially inept gal to drop some hints to a guy

No. 267922

>Wanting others input and reassurance means you're retarded
Are you a moid who's gf posted here about you or something? You know damn well these anons abusive ass boyfriend are stomping off and giving the quiet treatment when relationship problems are discussed. Don't want your relationship problems to be talked about? Most women love to talk things out but moids don't want to or don't give honest answers. Women wouldn't have to rely on strangers for advice is moids would communicate just like they preach

No. 267928

File: 1654291582884.png (24.91 KB, 500x337, A1458E4E-C3C7-4BEF-8813-3BCA98…)

Dummy, don’t take moid bait.

No. 267933

True. Pretty sure I know exactly what moid is posting too since he serial dates farmers, is extremely emotionally abusive and throws tantrums is said farmers post on relationship advice threads after he ghosts them instead of communicating like a grown ass man

No. 267949

dropping hints hmm have you tried hanging out with him one on one, just you two? does he talk about other women to you? if he's talking about other women don't even bother anon he's not that into you, but if he's not mentioned any recently there could be a chance. try arranging a hang out or something and see how it goes.

No. 267979

File: 1654310514839.jpg (286.57 KB, 640x615, 1647183398113.jpg)

I could use some advice or at least some different perspectives.
My fiance and I have been dating for almost 6 years, first "serious" love, we live together, he's madly in love with me, basically can't see myself with anyone else, etc etc
For a little while now I've had like hardly any drive for sex, kissing, etc (cuddling and whatnot is all dandy)
My fiance is nice enough about it but he's stated that it's of course mentally wearing on him that I shut him down or don't initiate. I of course feel a bit guilty about it but I just also don't want to force myself? It didn't start out this way in our relationship at all so that of course upsets my fiance more so. It just kinda feels like a chore now? or boring? Like my mind is constantly elsewhere and more concerned with other things. It's frustrating nonnies, I'm sure it's some mental bs. I do truly love my fiance I'm just unsure what to do about my literal non-existent libido.

No. 267983

No expert by any means but I was under the impression that as love progresses, it moves from passionate to deep friendship. Making what you're describing fairly normal/expected. Can't say anything for the sex drive of the male. Sex is all they want right? If he's as in love with you and cares about you as much as you in love with him, then less sex is something he'd need to adjust to and truly accept and be okay with if he has any respect for you. If he doesn't want to change or "can't help his NEEDS" then I'd consider that a big red flag. Again, I don't know shit, I'm sure others have more experience and can be of more help to you.

No. 267986

I appreciate your input! That's kinda how I feel, though my partner has a high drive and is upset about like once a month intimacy. He's worried we'll become an old couple that drifts apart or isn't intimate ever.

No. 267987

sounds like hes going to start cheating soon, keep an eye out

No. 267989

Okay, hear me out. I asked one of my friends how she'd feel if her bf suddenly stopped wanting sex or affection if she did still want those things. She said she'd worry he was unattracted to her or annoyed with her or something. I asked her what she'd do about this, and she said she'd probably go on a diet or try to pay more attention to his moods blah blah etc. In essence, she told me she would see it as a sign that she needed to work on the problem, which makes me wonder why it doesn't go the other way.
I mean, look at this >>267987 Are we supposed to just accept this? Why do we expect so little of men?

I bet you anything that on some level, you are dissatisfied. You would feel affectionate and attracted to him if there weren't a whole bunch of little problems turning you off. Is he doing his share around the house? Is he making you feel attractive and appreciated? Is he attentive, funny, and charming? Does he care about what's going on in your life? Is he staying in shape? Is he getting lazy in bed? Does he care about getting you off or just himself? Most importantly, are you in a position where you're comfortable talking about these things?
I think women have a tendency to just dismiss our own discomfort/disappointment/dissatisfaction with "I love him, and I should be grateful" but most men have no idea what we want and don't try to find out. If they want something, they ask for it. If we want something, we think "oh, I guess he doesn't want to give it to me."

Do some soul searching. Write a page in your journal about your day with a perfect boyfriend. Be self-indulgent and a little ridiculous. Once you do that, you might figure out what's missing. My dream guy wouldn't state "that it's of course mentally wearing on him that I shut him down or don't initiate". He'd tell me he was concerned that something had changed between us, and he wanted to talk about it.

No. 267993

I’m with an amazing guy- extremely intelligent, kind, does not watch porn, is so generous and giving, and is not a typical moid.

I am debating breaking up with him because he has depression- which causes him to not shower regularly, clean his clothes, brush his teeth. He plays video games all day. He has put on 25 pounds and looks so different then when I met him 3 years ago and is now overweight.

We also haven’t had sex or kissed in a year and a half because of these issues.

Do y’all think this is something to work out? I’ve expressed myself that he NEEDS to work on his hygiene, push himself, and give up video games. He’s agreed every time I’ve brought it up but I’ve seen no progress. Does anyone else have experience dating and breaking up with someone like this? Should I keep trying to fix it?

Thank you girls for any advice.

No. 267994

If he really does have clinical depression and isnt just a bum using "depression" as an excuse, then I think you should continue to help him if the real him is as great as you say. Mental illness is a disease like any physical disability, give him an ultimatum, either he gets professional help or you leave him

No. 267995

File: 1654319644389.jpg (47.92 KB, 800x450, crying.jpg)

Thank you, I have a feeling some dissatisfaction has to do with it? I've felt so personally guilty since I'm the one who's "changed feeling" or felt less lovey dovey/butterflies. He's great and attentive about most things thankfully, but you're right about the fact of women being dismissive of their own discomfort. I think I definitely struggle with that sometimes. We can talk about issues thankfully its just hard to put my perspective into words if that makes sense?

Thank you for the sound advice though nonny I appreciate it

No. 268011

>doesn't watch porn
>we haven't had sex in a year and a half

Something isn't adding up here.

No. 268013

I think this is really being in denial about how male sexuality works. "If he loved me he would accept that I don't want to have sex with him".. like, what? That's not how it works for men. Men get their intimacy through sex, while we are okay with holding hands, kissing, cuddling, spending intimate time together and our need for intimacy is fulfilled. For men it is not. Their brains are wired to emotionally bond through sex. They need sex to stay bonded to their partners.

I'm currently pregnant and honestly my libido has never been so high and I am starting to realize how men feel ALL OF THE TIME and wow is it annoying and debilitating. Like it's hard to focus on doing anything else if you are super horny and if your partner rejects you for sex it really hurts and is disappointing (even tho in our case it's because I want to do it 3 times a day and he's spent). Call me a pick-me or whatever, but I think relationships just can't work if your sex-drives are completely opposite. Expecting your partner to just deal with that because "he loves you" is unreasonable and frankly totally unrealistic for the majority of men.

No. 268014

Why do you think there has been a decline in 3 years? That's a lot of time to be with someone and consistently feel so unsupported that your mental health gets worse and worse. I'm guessing you two don't live together? It also seems as though he is not getting the right support/you don't seem to know the core issue. Mental illnesses occur a lot in relationships however the positive of being in a loving partnership with another person is that they genuinely make sure you don't decline too much.
>I’ve expressed myself that he NEEDS to work on his hygiene, push himself, and give up video games. He’s agreed every time I’ve brought it up but I’ve seen no progress.
Sure, you've nagged him about baseline things but with depression its all so mental, I know as I was there for many years myself. Maybe make an effort to get in touch with his emotions and actually figure out why he has felt so out of body for the past 3 years?

No. 268017

Then why do they fuck women they hate and are disgusted by, cheat constantly and watch porn?

No. 268018

Because those men are unhinged. Lumping every dude in the category you mentioned is the same as when men lump all women into the 'crazy bitches' category. Pregnant anon is right, men do receive affection catered to them via sex while it's a lot different for most (not all) women.

No. 268020

he needs to either get professional help or want to get himself out of that hole (from someone whos been there)
idk what much else you could really do other then maybe plan workouts together and cook him healthy meals/eat together (when I don't work out and eat crappy my depression gets a billion times worse)

No. 268021

I think in part you are right, but also you assume too much that men's sexuality works like women's. The part you are right about is that we absolutely need to feel desired to want to have sex and if your partner does not show that he is attracted to you then you start to feel insecure and won't want to initiate sex. Ofc if your partner suddenly changes, becomes fat and unhygienic etc, that also means you won't want sex anymore, but I don't think that is the main reason women in long relationships stop wanting to have sex.

I think that sex-drive and libido are MOSTLY hormonal (testosterone) driven and just different in men and women. You see this in TIFs who start taking testosterone and start to become as horny as men or in fat people who all start to lose their sex-drive as excess estrogen from fat cells takes over their body. Women are just less horny in general because we have less testosterone. I mean, do you really get horny when your boyfriend buys you flowers or does the dishes without you asking? Or is it more of an "aaww that is so sweet, I should reward him for this" feeling? In the beginning of the relationship the hormones are in overdrive, everything is so new and exciting that you want to have sex all of the time (or maybe for some women they use sex in the beginning to establish the relationship), but then after months, years, the hormones calm down and you want it less.

Now what does that mean for a long term relationship? A LOT of relationships end in a dead bedroom. The only way to avoid this and to keep intimacy alive is if BOTH people put in effort to keep it alive. That means the man has to put in an effort to be attentive, make his girlfriend/wife feel wanted and desired, but we ALSO have to put in our share of effort and in our case that means have sex when he is putting in the effort. You can not start viewing sex as transactional, that is the ultimate killer. Once you both get into the mindset of "Oh she doesn't ever want sex, why should I try to initiate? Why should I try to be romantic? I am just going to get turned down anyways" and "Oh he doesn't help enough around the house, he isn't romantic enough, why should I have sex with him?" Your relationship is basically over.

I think relationships with different libidos (which will be most relationships between men and women) are just going to be very hard to make work long time unless you put in a conscious effort and yes, that means sometimes just having sex even if you are not super horny (which for some women rarely happens). I have noticed that the more I have sex the more I end up wanting it, it's something that you have to keep going like a campfire, if you stop feeding the flames they die out. Of course if your partner is not willing to do his share of the deal and is not making you cum then you should just break up, it's not worth the effort. But if you do enjoy sex once you are having it, then just keep having it and don't let it get to that stalemate where you both have expectations that are not being fulfilled. You will see that a happy and satisfied man is also a lot more willing to put effort into the relationship.

No. 268024

How far along are you? I'm about 8 weeks and my libido has completely crashed to zilch

No. 268032

25 weeks, it really went up in the second trimester! But from what I hear from other women this doesn't happen to everyone.

No. 268034

Meh, I don't think it's right that a lot of you believe that women naturally lose their libido over the course of a relationship. It's true that some women have very low libido, but most don't. Attraction isn't just high in the beginning because of novelty or whatever, but because you think that person is better than they actually are. Like that one anon said, when you get to know someone more and even start living with them, there are likely dozens of small "annoyances" about your partner that add up and make you less attracted to them. For example, when I lost attraction to my previous partner, it was because ultimately he wasn't as attentive and devoted as I wanted. I like being romantic and lovey-dovey, while often he treated me a lot more like a close friend or roommate. Being in a relationship with him killed my libido almost entirely.

Skip to my current boyfriend of 3 years, and we can't keep our hands off each other. He's the most loving, generous, attentive person I've ever met, always puts my needs and wants first for both small and big things, and truly loves me more than anything. I'm horny for him every day, and I initiate constantly throughout the week and sometimes even multiple times a day. I really feel libido in a relationship is a matter of compatibility, your partner should naturally stoke these feelings in you and if they don't, it's a huge sign you're not right for each other. You can have both the strong and secure unyielding love and passion, but too many people think you have to settle for one.

No. 268049

Not exactly looking for relationship advice, but more dating advice? I downloaded Hinge for fun and just started matching with guys and talking to them to try it out. I guess I’m open to the idea of being in a relationship, but I’m not actively looking for one and I didn’t expect anything to come from it. Now that it’s the weekend, quite a few of them asked if I wanted to meet up. I can’t this weekend because I’m out of town anyway, but I feel really conflicted. On one hand, I don’t see the harm in meeting new people and I don’t know a lot of people/places in the city so it might be a nice way to check out some spots. On the other hand, I’m not seriously looking for a boyfriend. I would rather stay single than ‘settle’ for someone I’m not super into. And while the guys I’ve matched with seem nice and fun to talk to, I’m not sure if I’d be super into any of them. So I’m wondering if I should just go for it and meet with them or if it’ll all be a waste of time? And since Hinge is an app where people are looking for longer-term relationships, would I be wasting their time too if I just wanted to meet to hang out?

No. 268051

>I don’t know a lot of people/places in the city so it might be a nice way to check out some spots.
If that's worth the time to you, then sure why not?
>would I be wasting their time too
That's irrelevant. It's a dating app for meeting people not a promise for marriage.

No. 268058

Okay, so I'm high libido and here's my perspective. I would not find this acceptable if my partner suddenly was decreasing the frequency of sex to once a month.

From a high libido partner's perspective, it is a really anxious thing when you are with a person for a while because most people tend to have higher libidos at the beginning of a relationship and their true "libido" is only revealed after a few years. After 2 relationships, I decided I was not going to put up with men who could not match my libido. I was with a guy for 5 years who was only having sex with me once a month near the end. It was so miserable I lost my libido due to constant rejection and it made me feel awful about myself. Not surprisingly, in a last ditch effort, he tried to win me back by suddenly having sex with me a lot. It didn't work. The truth is, libido and sexuality are important to some people and if so, it's important to find someone compatible. I'm not saying you aren't, but I am saying that your boyfriend is justified in his feelings. For you as the low libido partner, I think figuring out if you are dissatisfied as other anons have said is important, but perhaps consider personally committing to having sex anyway. Say to yourself you will try having sex with him anyway and see if that helps to fan the flames for you. Definitely don't make it transactional, though, and have this be a personal goal. Try to think sexual thoughts about your partner - maybe set an alarm for that and see if that helps. If none of this helps, it may be that you have mismatched libidos, and that can be very difficult to overcome and you should seek a sex therapist to see if it is salvageable. It isn't fair to you or your fiance to have this conflict. The difficulty for the higher libido person is that we are beholden to the low libido partner. I.e. you are perfectly happy not having sex, meanwhile, we are starving and there is nothing we can do, as you can't force desire and this isn't really about sex, it more often than not is about many of the experiences and feelings that arise around the topic of sex that a high libido person in a relationship is seeking.

To draw from more personal experiences, my current relationship is doing very well. My boyfriend is lower libido than I, but he's found ways to help himself. I think it is easier for him because he's a man, but for him, a lot of it was getting over the fact he felt ugly and not deserving of sex (this I saw with my exes as well), he felt like due to his upbringing it was inappropriate to sexualize his partner, and all these other beliefs. We have talked about them and he's definitely realize how important feeling desired by him is, so he's put in the work. There are still always going to be some inherent differences - I like sex when I'm sad or not feeling well, he avoids sex when he is not feeling well, etc. but I am so grateful he has worked on his sexuality so we can match each other better. I don't know how applicable any of this is to a woman because imo it was a lot of catholicism and self esteem issues that made him like the way he was, but I hope it provides some insight.
Spot on.

No. 268059

>Say to yourself you will try having sex with him anyway and see if that helps to fan the flames for you. Definitely don't make it transactional, though, and have this be a personal goal. Try to think sexual thoughts about your partner - maybe set an alarm for that and see if that helps.
Advicing anon to force herself to have sex against her will is fucking creepy.

No. 268061

Does he actually please you, smell and look nice for you, and do things you enjoy? Does he bring you to orgasm? Do you feel emotionally connected during sex? It's very common women put up with mediocre/awful/emotionless sex in the beginning of the relationship but obviously that is not sustainable.

No. 268067

There's been a lot of evidence that just deciding to have sex (for yourself) is helpful to increase your libido.

No. 268068

It's not "against her will" if she is willing to do it. I think a lot of women just don't get that "I am super duper horny and I need to fuck RIGHT NOW!!!" feeling, but they expect that is how you are supposed to feel so they think "Oh I guess I just never want sex cause I don't feel that way?" It's just not how female sexuality works at all and honestly I think a lot of women are uneducated about this because that "whoops I am horny" is what you see in movies/porn all the time. Either that or you see romantic movies where there is a lot of effort like music, candles, rose petals etc to "get into the mood". That's just not how it's going to be in your day to day live. Usually you get into the mood as you start to get horny when you are already with your partner, touching, kissing, cuddling and holding each other close, rubbing against each other etc. Some women I think expect the mood to strike them randomly while just going about business like you are brushing your teeth and "Oh, suddenly I am horny". That's how men work, not women. So making more of an effort to be close with your partner, start cuddling and kissing them and seeing if you actually want to have sex can really help your sex-life and relationship out. If you do those things and still don't want to have sex more than once a month then maybe you're just not that attracted to your partner.

Obviously sex shouldn't be a chore that you force yourself to do, but I found that it's more like going to the gym, where the more you do it and the more you get into a routine the more fun it is and then you don't want to go without it anymore because you feel good afterwards and your relationship improves and you look forward to it and enjoy it. This probably doesn't sound super romantic but sorry, life isn't a teenage movie and having a routine for sex is actually healthy for an adult relationship where you don't have time to be "spontaneous" all the time, although of course spontaneous activity should happen as well.

No. 268072

Maybe the majority of women are like that for a reason? A good amount of men don't care about getting women in the mood, making sure she's feeling comfortable/beautiful/confident, etc. They just want to bang and get theirs, and even if they do foreplay it's not because he wants to make her feel good, he just wants to get her wet enough to stick his dick in. Imo I think this loss of attraction is very much a subconscious thing, the woman vaguely becoming aware that the boyfriend isn't as great as she once thought.
>this probably doesn't sound super romantic but sorry, life isn't a teenage movie
>Either that or you see romantic movies where there is a lot of effort like music, candles, rose petals etc to "get into the mood"
Then maybe most guys shouldn't be banging if they can't bother to get their partner in the mood? Rather, I think it's highly unrealistic for a guy to expect a woman to get turned on just because he groped her for a minute and made her feel like an object or something. And if men treated their partners properly on a day to day basis, there wouldn't be a need for "rose petals and candles" every time. It's awful to put the burden on the woman to compensate for the man's lack of thoughtfulness and care.

No. 268078

I mean, depression kills libido. Also, maybe this is just being in my 30s talking, but do most people these days require porn to get off?

No. 268081

Yesss. Most women don't want men to go all out all the time. In the most dead relationship I had, he was always doing big romantic gestures. He was wealthy and he used to buy me flowers after making me feel like shit, teasing and criticizing me all day. That wasn't him apologizing, he had no idea he was even being an asshole. 'Romance' did not make up for our lack of chemistry or the fact that he was a douche.

Next guy I got with was pretty broke, too shy for flirting, but he's my best friend and I love being with him. He always makes me feel good about myself, not by complimenting me, just because we have a great time together and he obviously loves spending time with me.

It's not just about being wanted sexually, I think a lot of attraction is about being wanted as a friend and not feeling used. I agree that men use sex for intimacy, but so do women. You go on those shitty reddit threads like "men, what do you wish women did?" and it's always shit like "I wish she would be the big spoon sometimes" or "I wish she'd give me compliments". Like, we're not all that different tbh. Men are just shit at explaining that they want non-sexual intimacy.

No. 268107


Thank you ladies, you gave me a lot I need to think about. Having lived with my fiance for awhile now I think the little "annoyances" have definitely added to it and the general feeling of feeling like a best friend vs romatic partner. I will say that when we DO have sex, my fiance has always made sure I finish which I know most men don't care about. It's just the start and not feeling the draw if that makes sense.

No. 268110

based anon. i'm nearly 40 (don't pasture me) and just want to say that you hit the nail on the head in your response. this is how it is, and in many relationships, what it takes. love, old aunt nonna

No. 268137

Any advice about dating someone with kids? I get jealous of how much time they take up. I know that's awful. Luckily they're teenagers because I could not be a step mom, ever. I don't like most kids. I still haven't met his teens and I am dreading it honestly. They will probably automatically hate me because the divorce is fresh.

No. 268167

Does any ladies have any tips for dating in college? I just want a cute boyfriend who will go on study dates with me and doesn't watch porn. But I feel like its impossible to find a college aged guy who isn't watching porn. I feel like all zoomers watch porn and brag about it or talk about it openly.

Should I just use a dating app or something? Actually how do you ladies even date men in general.. Do you straight up tell them on the first date "hey I don't like porn."

I just don't want to date a porn addict. Coomers scare me.

No. 268176

If a guy openly brags about the porn he watches that's great because you know to immediately count him out of your options.
>Do you straight up tell them on the first date "hey I don't like porn."
The recommended method on a date is to ask in a casual, somewhat flirty way "so what sort of porn are you into?" since this makes the assumption he is already watching it as most guys are. He'll think you're a coolgirl and spill about his kinks and give himself away, then you can ditch him later saying you just didn't feel a spark. If he says he's not into porn then he may still be lying but you'll obviously have a better chance of him being a guy who watches little to none as opposed to the types who freely gush about anal prolapse. Going into big sister mode for a second, you're in college, please take your studies seriously and do not let the search for a relationship derail your focus. Having a viable career and being able to provide for yourself is a million times more important than finding a man. It's okay to be open to the possibility just don't get sidetracked. How to find guys? Classes, clubs, campus events, hobbies. You are literally in the perfect environment to meet guys your own age who likely have similar interests in a fun, natural way. No need to wade into the living hell of desperation and coomery that is dating apps.

No. 268187

Oh that's a good idea.. Its going to be hard for me to say though but I'll try. I'm honestly not very good at flirting.

I'm a junior in college so I just wanted to try and get the college dating experience… I'm still focused on school though so don't worry. (Everything here is competitive… Boyfriends have to go on the backburner.)

Thank you nonna!

No. 268205

Like 99%, if not 100% of college aged men will be watching porn while single. You can always try to blackpill him on porn and what it does to his mind, that's probably your only chance of getting a non-coomer boyfriend. More men will be willing to give up porn for a relationship and regular sex, not so many just don't watch it to begin with.

No. 268360

he told me "I find you pretty because I love you, not the other way around", how am I supposed to feel about this?

No. 268362

Be happy because he loves you

No. 268376

I am sick and tired of people calling me too sensitive or getting angry when I cry or display any signs of discomfort or fear. I am just so sick of people telling me about what I should do with my emotions and how I should behave. I've always been a crybaby since I was a child and the policing started with my parents when I was in kindergarten and now my boyfriend is doing it too. I don't know why but it is making me extra paranoid about the relationship the past few days. I don't think I am too sensitive or overreacting. I can't do anything about the crying it just happens.

No. 268380

File: 1654464023710.jpg (21.55 KB, 564x613, b66eb95bedd94b8506080ff46df99b…)

Recently my bf has been extremely weird to the point that it's hurting me, i am a dumb bitch tho so i stay with him hoping it will get better and idk if i am jsut prolonging the inevitable.
He had bad experiences in previous relationships (he got cheatead on), so he's become extremly controlling of me, being weird when i go out with friends, becoming mean to me when i go outside etc eventhough i have given him 0 reasons to doubt me. When i point it out, he refutes it and says im being paranoid, but the other day when he was drunk, he admitted to it, which kinda gev me some relief after thinking i was paranoid, as he has told me so many times it was just my imagination.
It has been extremly weird and i told him i am uncomfortable with him controlling me that way, especially since we have been dating for a long time (5+ years) so i expect the same amount of trust i put in him to be put on me, but he keeps excusing it with his past taruma, which ive been more than udnerstanding of, as i have helped him with it all throught our relationship. I've told him, however, that i am not his past partner, and having no trust in me after this amount of years, hurts me deeply, he however, excuses it the same way.
Another thing is that I've been refusing to send him nudes as i am not in a place where i feel comfortable with my body and he has been "jokingly" pointing out that i don't send them anymore a lot, and how i am fucking up the intimacy of the relationship by not sending them (i told him i personaliy don't quate intimacy to sexuality, and that if that's all he expects of me for intimacy to tell me, whcih he said he does not), and when i point out it makes me uncomfortable that he brings it up so much after i have explained the "why" (my eating disorder resurfacing making it hard to take pictures of myself), he says i am being sensitive or defensive.
We have discussed it constantly and i keep hoping he will change, but he does not, i cannot count in my hands the times i've cried about this relationship, because i love him so much and keep expecting he will change and improve but he hasn't, even though he promises me he will so many times.
I am incredibly open with him, i bring out anything that bothers me and i talk to him about everything, so communication is not an issue on my part, so i reallty don't know what to do.
What should i do nonnies, is the relationship doomed? or am i just beign a selfish selfm centered asshole like he says?

No. 268384

>What should i do nonnies, is the relationship doomed?
It's not a matter of whether it's doomed or not, it's a matter of whether or not you want better for yourself than a controlling man who doesn't give you a grain of trust after 5 years.
>or am i just beign a selfish selfm centered asshole like he says?
no. It's not smart to send nudes anyway but even if you don't care about that: no.

Last but not least: people don't change and they become more stuck in their habits and views as they grow older. It's highly unlikely he'll become a non-controlling partner without professional intervention.

No. 268408

1. stop sending him nudes. if your boyfriend, partner, husband, whatever, asks for nudes, he doesn't respect you, period. and you don't respect yourself since you're willingly putting yourself in a situation where those nudes can be shared around.
2. he has likely cheated on you or is going to, and now he is guilt dumping on you. it's extremely common to turn the tables on the partner and accuse THEM of cheating, which is what it sounds like your bf is doing.
3. why are you even with him? sunk cost fallacy? just cut your losses, 5 years won't seem like much 5 years from now, and you can find someone that is nothing like your current bf that i personally would never touch, honestly. yuck.

No. 268412

From the perspective of someone who’s a child of divorce… Dating a man with kids is a situation I’m familiar with and therefore willing to accept. I don’t see a guy with kids as a flaw, honestly it’s just how life goes sometimes. I mean if someone is attractive, stable, treats me well, and ticks off any other essential boxes I can deal with it. My ideal conditions would be that the kids are from a previous marriage (no baby daddies), the mom has custody (allowing for a little more alone time with the dad), and they are young enough to be my kids. I know that last one might stump some anons since they’d rather date someone whose offspring are off on their own, but I feel icky being 27 and dating someone who has a kid in college, or even high school. When I was 13 my dad dated a 20 year old and it made me really uncomfortable. But idk what’s just me.

As far as your own feelings of jealousy go, I can understand why anyone might simply wish their partner could invest all their resources into their relationship and not have to share them with someone else, but that’s a slippery slope since wishing can evolve into resentment. A girl my dad dated when I was a teen projected her jealousy onto me and made my life a living hell anytime I wanted the slightest attention from my dad. She got carried away by her initial attraction to my father and didn’t think about how she truly felt dating someone with a kid a kid that was only 7 years younger than her.

Personally I think if you really like the guy you should learn to accept the reality of things, but if it upsets you THAT MUCH that someone would dedicate their time, emotions, and finances to their own offspring and not solely focus on you, then you shouldn’t date someone with kids. Think of your own mental health, and also consider how these kids would turn out with a potential stepmom that resents them.

PS that’s not a personal attack, I just want you to know you’re entitled to avoid getting into a situation you’re not comfortable with. Anyways wish you the best.

No. 268415

Samefag but tl;dr do not date a parent if it upsets you that they have to fulfill their duties as a parent.

No. 268454

Divorced men or men who dropped their kids are redflags and this isn't about their kids. So many deadbeat fathers expect to get countless women and also want their gfs to babysit their children but they wont date single moms or divorced women themselves. It's a double standard and you should quit shilling failed males. If a man got a woman pregnant and left to fuck other women, he'll do the same to you. I've seen so many examples and even heard those types of men proud of the women they chose to impregnate and "pass on their genes" but they never spent time or effort on the kids, they chase other women while the mothers did double duty.
You being a child of a divorced family already makes your views skewed and unhealthy. You shouldn't give advice.

No. 268456

Samefag but you're telling anons to be fine with dating failed males who left their wives with kids for younger women even though your father doing the same and fucking 20 yo women when you were 13 scarred you? You really need therapy if you went through that but still believe single dads can be ok and healthy. They're all selfish and only care about getting laid or having a younger woman take care of him while he neglected his children.

No. 268466

Man I would not date a dad without custody, deadbeat mf

No. 268468

That anons dad fucked girls closer to her age than his and she's still tricking herself he put her before the whores he fucked, kek. Don't trust anything that comes out of her mouth.

No. 268472

I am hesitant to get married because I won't have any bridesmaids. I never had any close friends and everyone in my family will see that because from my side there will maybe 10 people attending the wedding and they are all family. It just feels so embarrassing. I've been to my cousins wedding and she was always a popular and outgoing woman and had a ton of bridesmaids who were all super sweet and even gave her a surprise gift. They all knew each other since school.

No. 268478

Just have a small wedding then, we didn't invite anyone but our closest family to our wedding and had no bridesmaids or groomsmen. You're not forced to do a big traditional wedding with wedding party and a million guests.

No. 268479

>Another thing is that I've been refusing to send him nudes as i am not in a place where i feel comfortable with my body and he has been "jokingly" pointing out that i don't send them anymore a lot, and how i am fucking up the intimacy of the relationship by not sending them
Sorry, but is this a real relationship or some kind of online discord relationship? Because it sounds like the latter and in that case of course you are having these issues. You're not supposed to be in an online relationship for 5+ years. Even normal relationships have trust issues when being away from their partner over a longer period of time (like long business trips or traveling for work), that's why long distance relationships don't work out.

No. 268484

Hold a small wedding with just the parents and maybe some family or elope.

No. 268513

Hey guys. So I’ve been dating this man for around 5~ Months, our talking stage lasted just as long and so far things have been going really great. We’ve been friends for years and we’re really happy but before I get too comfortable I want to know, what are some not so obviously red flags you look for in males? I know every man has scrote qualities and some are just better at hiding them. What are some subtle things to be aware of and look into before getting very serious?

No. 268515

Am I an asshole for wanting to quit my part time job and be a stay at home girlfriend? My boyfriend makes most of the money and has been majority supporting us for years, I pick up a few bills a month but it's trivial compared to him. But he doesn't want me to quit because it's too much pressure on him apparently.

No. 268520

Red flags are subjective but for me >porn use of any kind
>Unhealthy and unfit, this shows a childish attitude and that he doesn't think about the future
>Bad with money, that can be debt or if he has money, using it to keep friends or going overboard on gifts, shows insecurity
>Black and white Twitter/Reddit thinking about topics like gender or capitalism. Doesn't matter where he stands politically but he should have a nuanced informed opinion or no opinion at all
>Bad relationship with his family especially the mother, this often plays out in all his relationships with women
>Can't go a day without vidya. I don't mind occasional use but if he's addicted it's one of the biggest signs of an immature, pathetic moid
>Has no hobbies or interests except drinking and partying and/or vidya and being online. Must touch grass regularly
>Can't disagree without arguing, like raising his voice or throwing insults.
>Does things you dislike "as a joke" after you tell him to stop. Huge red flag for boundary crossing.
Looking back over my list I have a real thing about maturity. Basically if it's any action that fits a teenage boy, it has no place in my grownup relationship.

No. 268529

Good list, I want to add to this

>watches anime (this is a huge sign he is a coomer and an autist who might troon out)

>is into capeshit (same reason as above)
>just avoid all autistic moids in general since they will never be able to show you empathy or understand your emotions
>bad relationship or no relationship with his father (fatherless behavior in men is almost worse than bad relationship with his mom)
>doesn't want to commit or settle down, don't even waste your time on a man who strings you along and is unsure and afraid of commitment

No. 268530

Stay-at-home girlfriend? Do you plan to get married and have children soon? Otherwise I can kind of understand why your boyfriend thinks that that's putting a lot of pressure on him. Usually women stay at home because they are going to be raising the children as a full-time job, not just to hang around and do nothing.

No. 268538

I'm a 27 year old virgin, I've never dated anyone until now. When I started a new job one year ago, I met a 21 guy and he developed a crush on me, I thought it was because he was also pretty shy like me, and because he assumed I'm his age. We went to a "date" once but I got scared off because of his age and I tried to distance myself from him. So a year has passed, he helped me with some stuff and because of external circumstances we spent more time with each other, we considered each other as "friends", or at least that's what I thought, but recently he admitted he's still in love with me and wants to be with me, and I'm kinda torn apart about it. Moving from being an autistic shut in to dating someone who wants to have a relationship with you and consideres renting an apartment with you is a pretty big change, and I'm scared things are moving too fast. I don't know if I actually want him, or I'm just desperate to have someone because I'm scared that at this age I'm not going to find anything better and all decent men in my age group are already taken. The guy I'm dating has some good qualities, but is also too similar to me in some areas, like prone to depression and pessimism. He admitted he wasn't very good with money and only recently started saving because he wants to buy a car etc. I was dissapointed that despite working at the same place for around the same amount of time, I saved way more money than he did. Despite never being in a relationship, I think I have a pretty good understanding how it should look like from a practical point of view, and how building a capital together is important and how both people should contribute financially, and when I brought that up, he said he didn't think about it that much, he just wanted to live with me. I didn't know what he meant by that. Living together is not just going out or watching movies together, it's also paying rent and doing other less pleasant things. He got very hurt when I told him I'm not sure if I love him, but at the same time he admitted he never thought about serious, realistic parts of being in a relationship? It didn't make sense to me. He often says he misses me and he can't wait for our next meeting, tells me he never met someone as special as me, tells me I'm beautiful and smart, I'm perfect the way I am and he doesn't want to change me and he will wait years for me to be ready for sex and he doesn't need it to be happy with me, and how my pleasure is more important to him than his, how he doesn't mind I'm older than him etc. Every time I'm at his place he cooks for me and pays big attention to the things I can eat because of my IBS. Today he said he never had good male role models and his dad, despite wanting well, was too mild and spineless and never taught him anything practical, but he wants to be better than that and he wants to be able to provide for me. I can sense that his feelings for me are real, but feelings alone are not enough and I can also see that, despite being more mature than an average 22 year old guy, he's still not mature enough. I can see he's moving in the right direction, he started saving money, he works more and looks for a better job, goes to the gym, doesn't drink, looks better, eats healthier etc. but I'm scared that once he gets confident he can have me, he will stop trying and we're going to vegetate in our bed for eternity. Maybe he has time for this at 22, but I'm 27 and before I hit 30 I want to have a stable relationship and a good place I can live with someone. I think that one day I would also want to have a kid, but I can't imagine having a family with someone like him, at least not with the current version of him. I'm also scared that after living this serious, "adult" life with me, he will get bored and feel like he lost his youth or something and drops me for someone younger and goes back to his life devoid of any actual responsibility. Today he also said that he doesn't know why someone like me would go for someone like him, and that I should find myself someone better, richer etc. I didn't really know what to say to this. I just want to wait and see how it goes. I enjoy his company, I find myself missing him and yearning for his touch when we're apart, but I still have those thoughts in the back of my head. Maybe I could actually do better. Maybe at 27 I don't have the time for waiting for this guy to mature. Maybe I shouldn't be with someone who's very prone to depression like me. I don't know, I feel completely lost at this point. If I was 5 or 7 years younger, I wouldn't care. But I'm not and I have to think about it realistically.

Sorry for the wall of text but I don't have anyone I could talk to about it. Any ideas anons?

No. 268541

Does anyone have any advice on how to care for a grieving partner. My boyfriends friend died of terminal cancer the other day and I’m having such a hard time knowing what to say to comfort him. The guy was young and it’s just such a shit situation. He’s doing that whole stoicism thing but I can tell it’s really hurting him. I don’t handle my own grief very well, I still cry on a regular basis over my friend who committed suicide years ago. I’ve just been trying to validate his feelings about it and listening to him talk and giving him hugs and stuff but should I be doing more? I feel like I should be doing more.

No. 268542

tbh completely up to you. his sentiment isn't wrong/bad, but it's totally fair for you to be insecure that he might be admitting that he had to grow to be attracted to you, or that his attraction is exclusively tied to his love for you.

but I also can read it as him saying that your beauty isn't the primary motivator for his love for you, which doesn't necessarily mean he didn't find you attractive. like he's trying to say he didn't follow his dick, he just genuinely liked you.

Assuming it IS the former, consider that men who are able to love and be with someone they're not initially attracted to demonstrates that they are able to actually unlearn some level of scrote socialization to follow with their dick or compete with other men like the acceptable homoerotic incel culture. your call nonna

No. 268544

you should not date him because your jealousy is weird, and your dislike of kids means you shouldn't be around them. he is an active parent, and that (hopefully) won't change. also, whether they're teens or not, if the relationship becomes serious you will be in a step-parent like role. he doesn't stop being a parent when they turn 18. what if one becomes ill and he becomes a full time carer? or what if they need a place to stay in their 20s?

No. 268545

are you me nonna? same exact boat, and my husband is also the stoic type. i think just slowly taking small things off their plate (things they dislike doing) is the best thing to do, at least I've found.

No. 268552

do NOT move in with someone without a commitment (like at least an engagement) because you are setting yourself up to get fucked over financially.
Otherwise you and your bf sound eerily like me and my own and I'm trying to figure out some of the same stuff as you rn… so I don't really have any other advice, but good luck.

No. 268562

Sounds to me like you're doing enough, nonna. What you both need is time. And you can't force time to pass faster…so let him take his time (same goes for you). Should any special situation arrise, I would say just follow your intuition, and you will know what to do!

No. 268575

Thanks for the feed back nonas. These lists are solid. He’s mature, has a good relationship with and is actively involved with his family, isn’t an autist or coomer… I think I found my nigel. I hold similar views about porn and coomerism so thanks for confirming I’m not a paranoid femcel! Wish me luck lmao.

No. 268579

How long have you been together anon?

No. 268588

how do I kindly tell the guy I'm dating that I don't want to go on an 8 hour, last minute road trip? I'm sure it sounds fun, but he didn't even give me any kind of notice. He wants to leave tomorrow.

No. 268589

>A roadtrip sounds fun but I can't do it without notice/can't leave my things unattended unexpectedly. How about we go on a roadtrip (x suggest date/timeframe)
or something like that. Really repeating what you wrote here would also be fine.

No. 268593

Kek, someone should find you pretty because they find you pretty. I would not entertain such a moid further.

No. 268594

I would not be a stay at home anyone unless we were married. I think you're putting yourself in a vulnerable position, generally.

No. 268595

Yeah, you are an asshole. What if something happens to him and he can't do his job anymore, or something happens to his company…or something happens to you, him, or anyone in your related families, that you need some money on the spot, that you do not have? Also, quitting and then going back to the workforce is not easy - employers are going to want to know why you quit and what you did with your time when you didn't work. Like some anons said, are you going to raise a family? Are you going to pursue some hobby that will pay back? Lastly, I'd like to mention that these questions can stand when you're alone, too, not just in the context of a relationship.

No. 268618

Gonna have to agree with the other anons. Why would you just quit? Are you married? Pregnant or with existing children? What happens if he gets fired or can’t work? What if things start going poorly and you need to leave? Have some dignity, anon. If anything use this as an opportunity to get some training and find a better job/career, not go NEET.

No. 268679

late but this
>I have noticed that the more I have sex the more I end up wanting it, it's something that you have to keep going like a campfire, if you stop feeding the flames they die out.

is incredibly true. You need to both work to nurture your sex life, which is going to fall to the waist side as your relationship deepens and fall into comfort.

No. 268691

everyone that replied to you sounds like such a bitter jealous wageslave. if someone doesn't have to work, they shouldn't. at the end of the day everyone wishes their life was comfortable enough that they wouldn't have to work, you don't HAVE to be a fucking mother to not work.

No. 268695

Being completely financially dependent on a scrote is retardation, it is also dangerous

No. 268700

>fall to the waist side
fucking kek this thread is truly full of geniuses

No. 268702

there's nothing stopping her from having access to his money if she needs to leave…

No. 268709

He's very talkative irl but for some reason he hasn't chatted with me in like a week or more, yet he said he's always "active". Something happened between us last week and I have so many, many questions, but I don't want to be the first to reach out to someone who could be potentially ignoring me on purpose or straight up ghosting me, I'm so conflicted and confused, why would you ignore someone you allegedly have very strong feelings for? Like, our situation was so tense and then poof nothing, wtf

No. 268712

Samefag, I'm starting to theorize: last week, he confessed his feelings towards me, I was pretty shocked but I was okay with it, then he asked me to kiss him, but a) we were on public and 2) our intimacy level at the time was next to 0, I told him he was going way too fast and that I wasn't ready yet, I didn't even decline kissing him, just not yet, but maybe he actually took those words as an actual rejection and he's just trying to give me some space. The fact most if not all men are intimidated by me and he's quite literally the only one who tried his shot only to be "rejected"…he also casually mentioned I'm probably not attracted to him and tried his damn best to convince me he's a good candidate, in his eyes, he was the only one actually making moves to a seemingly uninterested girl. But this is all just a theory, tbh I wish I had the balls to contact him cause damn

No. 268713

Ok neet-chan.
You can only get so much from him if you divorce, it won't be enough for her to get by unless he's super rich and they have kids together.

No. 268714

Been there, done that, got the pay check. Worrying isn’t going to achieve you anything (and imo the sitting around worrying about what they think of you stage is both the most frustrating and least rewarding), if you want to talk to him just do it, but if you’re convinced that he’s ignoring you and stringing you along just block him and carry on with life. From your second post he sounds kind of pushy and annoying. The ball is in your court nonna, if you like this guy and think he’s genuine then go ahead, but if not leave him to annoy some other girl. Either option is better than where you are now.

No. 268716

File: 1654600349600.jpg (119.87 KB, 1124x1132, nmnmnm.jpg)

You should have a backup plan ready, i'm a neet gf but waiting on a large inheritance

No. 268719

The way you wrote this it seems obvious that you are not that eager to share your life with him, you even sound very reluctant to his love bombing, and you haven't even had sex with him yet which is usually important in a couple. Moving in with somebody that soon is a terrible idea, I would not be surprised if the dude was looking for a bangmaid, and the fact you're not on the same maturity level is enough to not want to push it further.
I'm in the same boat as you, late 20s, lifelong celibate and perma virgin due to autism, and I too was reluctant to get into a relationship with a guy I wasn't that into, and in the end I chose to remain on my own because I knew it wouldn't work, I understand your frustration but trust your gut feeling.

No. 268722

More of a general question, but do you think it's possible to meet a man that has never, ever touched tinder in his life? The way this app works and especially the way men use it disgusts me to an irrational level, but from my experience so far everyone has used it at least to some extent in the past. Is anyone as opposed to it as much as I am or am I entering unhinged levels here?

No. 268723

did the commie trannies find this thread after seething at the MTF thread in /snow/?

No. 268730

You're putting yourself at risk if anything goes wrong and you two decide to split.. most relationships do have an expiry date and you're not married. On top of that he's telling you he doesn't want this arrangement.. tbh yeah ignoring him is the part where this enters asshole territory. He doesn't want to be the sole earner. You can't force this and it'd be pretty short sighted to try and make it happen against his will. If anything you'll end up dumped and jobless by going down that route. You need to both be totally on board this plan or its a no-go.

No. 268734

How to balance being honest in a new relationship with protecting my secrets? I hate the type of person who acts one way and suddenly reveals a weird kink or extreme belief later on. I don't want to be that person. At the same time, I don't know how much I should say to someone that I'm still vetting.

No. 268735

I agree with this tbh, as long as she does it safely. She should have some money in savings so she can leave if need be, for example.

No. 268737

Nothing in life comes for free. Thinking the opposite and even recommending it is pure adolescence. You should've grown out of this stupid thinking years ago.

No. 268743

Dude shut up, plenty of women out there are perfectly fine not working and being provided and don't wind up in a toxic situation. She should have a backup plan but you're literally retarded for suggesting it's "adolescent" to not take the opportunity to not work. You sound like drones.

No. 268745

My boyfriend is fantastic. No complaints outside of 'could clean house a little more' but he has done so well stepping up. He has adhd, it was pretty bad. My only complaint is that he does this awful…throat sucking noise all the god damn time. It is compulsive for him. He suffers tonsil stones. He can 'suck' them out. So he does, sometimes 10 or 15 times an hour. It is absolutely repulsive. I have to leave the room. I don't want to kiss him in case he has been chewing on a fat tonsil stone (not sure if he does that, but it is what I imagine is happening everytime he does this awful awful throat/tonsil thing). He coughs thick mucusy coughs all the time due to vaping. He did quit real smoking. But its so loud it hurts my ears. We actually cannot sleep in same room because his coughing and tonsil sucking all night keeps me awake. I have asked him gently to go to the doc, get his tonsils looked at,I asked him to not do it when I am in the room cuz I get its a compulsive thing but it makes my soul nauseated and turns off any physical attraction I have to him. He also farts so fucking much. If he could like, stop doing these things I would have sex with him so much more. I also dont wanna hurt his feelings. But my god. Everything else is great, he is just gross sometimes. I wanna fuck but then I hear his awful noises and it dies for me. Its been like, 2 weeks. He hasnt eaten me out in months cuz I wont let him. I am afraid oftonsil goo going into my vagina and it really really grosses me out. Idk what to do.

No. 268746

Ntas but she said in the post that he doesn't want this set up.. tbh that's kind of the end of the discussion in her case. Whether it's a good or bad idea in general isn't what the thread is about.

No. 268747

Willingly being a spectator in life is absolutely adolescent. Why even pretend to be anything more if that's your goal in life? Don't bother with education, don't bother with a career, just be another boring trophy wife whose existence completely depends on others. Scrotes especially.

It's leeching and frankly I find any woman who desires that to be sad, and devoid of ambition.

No. 268748

Because raising the next generation, the most important work one can do, is valueless

No. 268749

This made me gag, how tf did you get past one date with someone who does this?
There are plenty of ways to untrain a habit like that, tell him to figure it out or you're through. Can't believe you put up with it at all.fuck I feel like I need a shower

No. 268751

Tell him to quit dairy, the farts and tonsil stones sounds like a dairy intoleranse/allergy

No. 268754

Holy fuck I am laughing so hard and also in tears re-reading this over and over it reminds me so much of my ex. He also had gross oral habits thanks to being a smoker. Like he was constantly spitting on the ground in the middle of convos, liked to hack up loogies in my sink but never wash them down, and spat into tissues that he’d ball up and leave all over my apartment. In addition to that he also had a load of ongoing health problems that he refused to consult a doctor about, including a severe symptom of cancer. I eventually left his ass, not for those specific reasons, but the fact that he refused to take care of himself was the straw that broke the camels back. I honestly can’t even remember the last time I had sex because the last few months of the relationship I just found him so physically repulsive I never wanted to do the deed.

Anon if you told me your man was a toxic person in addition to this I’d say leave him, but he sounds like a great guy so I honestly don’t know what to do other than be honest about how it’s driving you crazy and negatively affecting your physical attraction to him. Some sort of intervention maybe?? I mean you can’t even sleep in the same room, sheesh.

No. 268758

Holy fuck I am laughing so hard and also in tears re-reading this over and over it reminds me so much of my ex. He also had gross oral habits thanks to being a smoker. Like he was constantly spitting on the ground in the middle of convos, liked to hack up loogies in my sink but never wash them down, and spat into tissues that he’d ball up and leave all over my apartment. In addition to that he also had a load of ongoing health problems that he refused to consult a doctor about, including a severe symptom of cancer. I eventually left his ass, not for those specific reasons, but the fact that he refused to take care of himself was the straw that broke the camels back. I honestly can’t even remember the last time I had sex because the last few months of the relationship I just found him so physically repulsive I never wanted to do the deed.

Anon if you told me your man was a toxic person in addition to this I’d say leave him, but he sounds like a great guy so I honestly don’t know what to do other than be honest about how it’s driving you crazy and negatively affecting your physical attraction to him. Some sort of intervention maybe?? I mean you can’t even sleep in the same room, sheesh.

No. 268759

She's not a wife, there's no mention of kids. She's a gf and he sounds pretty reluctant about even entertaining the idea of fully finacially supporting them both rn. Regardless of peoples more general views on SAHMs.. that's not what she is.

No. 268761

Coupled with the fact she's only working a part time job and her boyfriend doesn't feel comfortable footing everything, I think it is a bad idea. She can't even work a full time job and a part time job is too much? That's a bit crazy. Part time jobs allow you so much time at home, you literally just get silly spending money. I wouldn't feel comfortable with the arrangement either, especially since no one is married.

No. 268764

I made the tranny and Michael a part of their very own Omegaverse fanfic, because that is a fate worse than death. If I ever expand this Onionfarms Omegaverse, Rachel will be their beta and house slave.

This was just a shitpost.

Michael was kneeling in front of Blaine's lightly leaking, hard cock, a small string of saliva connecting to the tip of Blaine's cock to Michael's tongue, the smaller man panting softly, as he moved his hand up and down his own hard cock while he was pushing one…two…three fingers into his wet hole, eyes dilated with lust. Michael was currently in heat and Blaine couldn't control himself when it came to lust when Michael was in heat. Michael loved it when Blaine went rough on him. Loved it when he was fucked hard by the tranny, getting taught who he really belongs to and feeling the other's knot deep inside of him that always got him sensitive. Michael looked up, Blaine's hand gripping his hair. He was so vulnerable right now, so perfect.

"How bad do you want me?" Blaine growled deeply, his cock twitching as he watched his Mate's needy eyes, hot breath tickling his cock.

Michael moaned softly, the noise coming out like a soft growl of need, as he quickened the speed of his hand on his own cock, roughing moving his fingers that were in his end. "S-So…so fucking bad…" Michael whimpered, bucking his hips up a little into his own touch to show how much he needed his Alpha's knot buried inside of him, the Omega panting. "P-Please…"

"Sorry," Blaine purred, "I didn't quite catch that. Mind-" Blaine was cut off by a sharp gasp as Michael took his Mate's full length into his mouth until his nose was buried in pubes. Blaine was actually glad Michael didn't have a gag reflex. Blaine moaned harshly, panting, as he set up a rough and quick pace for his hips as he started to thrust quickly into Michael's mouth. "G-Good boy," Blaine groaned, watching him, fisting a hand into the brunette's hair. "Just like that. Take me in, baby. Good boy…"

Michael moaned hard from around Blaine, the sound nearing a needy growl, breath hitching as he shoved his three fingers into himself, trying so hard not to bite down. He looked up innocently, seductively, at Blaine through his dark lashes as the Alpha fucked his mouth. Michael suddenly gasped sharply, feeling himself release into his own hand, panting hard through his nose, as he pumped himself dry of his orgasm and felt himself go soft, continuing to thrust his fingers into his stretched, slick wet hole. Michael's breath hitched slightly when he felt Blaine release hard down his throat, the Omega swallowing down his release and slowly pulled off, another string of saliva hooking on to his tongue that attached to Blaine cock. "That…answer your…question?" Michael asked huskily in between thick moans.

Blaine smirked and pulled Michael off the floor and on to the bed, laying the Omega on to his stomach, Michael moving to his hands and knees on instinct, whimpering with need, as he lapped at his wet fingers. "Blaine…please," he begged, panting. "Need you. Need your knot. Now." That did it for Blaine. That sent him over the edge. He plunged into Michael's end, who cried out loudly, and started to fuck the other hard and relentless.

Michael was quickly shut up, whining softly, as Blaine thrust two of his fingers into his mouth. Now Michael couldn't express himself. Oh, well.

"Suck." Blaine demanded in a husky growl, squeezing Michael's hips hard with his free hand, and dragged his hot and wet tongue up and down Michael's back.

Michael sucked Blaine's fingers hard and obediently, panting thickly through his nose again.

"Fuck, Michael," Blaine groaned, drilling into his Mate's prostate. "So fucking good for me, baby. Good…good boy…" Already, he felt close to his second release for the day. He did want to cum yet after they had just started. Damn Blaine and his hormones. "Atta boy…" Blaine purred against Michael's burning hot skin.

Michael fisted the bed sheets hard, also feeling himself get close to his second release. Michael jerked his hips back against Blaine's hard thrusts, panting sharply and hard. Michael couldn't even last ten more minutes before he came hard, letting his load out on to the bed sheets, moaning thickly.

Unlike Michael, Blaine wasn't able to last five minutes. He came hard and deep into Michael, feeling his knot swell up until he couldn't move anymore, being locked into Michael for an hour. Blaine panted hard and pulled his fingers out of Michael's hungry mouth. "You are mine," he purred, lowering the both of them on to the bed so that Michael was flat on his stomach. "You will carry my pup and love him or her forever."

"Y-Yes," Michael rasped, panting, and nuzzled his face into Blaine's arm that was in front of him. "Always." Michael nodded and purred softly, his body hot, as his chest heaved, the man trying to find his breath again.

"Good." Blaine smiled gently, nuzzling into Michael's neck

No. 268767

No. 268770

There's a very obvious difference between being a stay-at-home MOM and a stay-at-home girlfriend. You can't force a man to support you if he doesn't want to and you're not married to him. Not every guy will be okay with the traditional family model, just like not every woman is okay with it. Some men can not even afford it with how bad inflation is in current year, a lot of people depend on having two incomes.

No. 268773

sis .. what

No. 268782

like other anon said, cutting out dairy mostly gets rid of them if you want him to do something easy now to reduce 99% of the sucking vs. making him get his tonsils taken out (that's pretty much all you can do if you have them). The sucking sounds horrible, hope he's not chewing on them because that's nasty fucking behavior… just get them out and throw them away bro….
t. tonsil stone haver

No. 268784

Should I be cold and professional about it or just let it all out? I've never been in this kind of situation before and I don't know how to communicate

No. 268813

>He suffers tonsil stones. He can 'suck' them out.
>I don't want to kiss him in case he has been chewing on a fat tonsil stone (not sure if he does that, but it is what I imagine is happening everytime he does this awful awful throat/tonsil thing)
>He coughs thick mucusy coughs all the time due to vaping
>He hasnt eaten me out in months cuz I wont let him. I am afraid oftonsil goo going into my vagina and it really really grosses me out.
I hope this guy is as fantastic, aside from this, as you make him sound. He needs to get this sorted out asap, no more waiting around.

No. 268819

I shuddered when she said he might be chewing them kek, I really hope that's not the case. I've only had like one or two in my life but even based on how they smell when you spit them out I think chewing them would be horrendous

No. 268825

Let's be real, if he was so fantastic, he'd realize it was disgusting, would be ashamed, wouldn't do this shit in front of her and would work on getting medical treatment. Any partner who is this inconsiderate can't be fantastic

No. 268829

Yeah I kinda agree, but at the same time, I think he's probably just gotten so comfortable with it because nona has been overly polite and non-confrontational about it for so long it seems.

No. 268838

Oh god so many replies. Tonsil bf nona here. I cannot even describe how fantastic this dude is. Been friends nearly a decade. Dating nearly 3 years now. He is my favorite person, we work together so well. When we argue in couples therapy, the therapist literally says we have the must impressive communication between us despite whatever we are trying to solve he is impressed. Haha. He is great and we will be married. I never once noticed this particular issue until we started living together. At first I thought it was just a quirk. I have washed my feet in the bathroom sink which he asked me politely wtf was wrong with me cuz I never realized that was weird. But I stopped after he called me on it. I first brought it up to him in a gentle way, he takes calls 4 work at home. Sometime in the past I commebted on a closed mouth burp ("nice" or somethin dumb) and he said OMG YOU CAN HEAR THAT?? like yes, yes I can. So I realize he might not know other ppl can hear the weird sucking thing. I told him one day, 'hey, just so you know when you are on calls and you do that throat thing, I think the ppl on the other line can here you. You might wanna stop' so he says he mutes himself when he does it.

Plan failed, wait a bit and go a bit crazier, I do confront him. I have a bit of emetaphobia, and told him his weird throat thing really, really drives me crazy. Cant help it. Asked him to do it when I am not around.

He agreed, and actually did do it only behind closed doors. For a while. (Can still hear it thru the house though….) he has adhd and often forgets things so slowly the habit came back…. back n forth a few times with hiding it and not hiding it.

Now, when he starts doing it while in the office, it echoes thru the house and so I go shut his door. I have told him why. He apologizes occassionally but he cannot stop.

If he does it a lot next to me I start asking him to be quieter. He obliges.

I have told him he needs to see a doc for throat issues. He finally did a sleep apnea study that was inconclusive.

We are talking marriage now. I straight up said he had to follow up with doc for this throat business as a prerec for me marrying him. He swears he will.

I have been pretty timid about the whole thing, so I think maybe since I havent blown up on him that maybe he thinks it isnt a big deal.

Nonas, I am dying. I have given him a list of things I want to see before marriage (and he with me as well, it is just smart. Ie few rounds of therapy 4 past trauma, bank accts and debt in functioning order, house talk, etc) and going to throat doc is on there for him. We have 1 year to fill each others desires to improve stability b4 marriage.

I hope this works but in the mean time……

I am dying

No. 268839

Sameanon from stone boy story…. I am extremely non confrontational and it has def come back to haunt me…..I have tried but I can only have so much backbone. I am in therapy maybe I can come out strong enough to lay down the tonsil law.

No. 268841

Girl like I said, just get him to drop the dairy, its 100% caused by it.

No. 268843

I will do my damndest. Dairy is one of his past times though. Wish me luck. I will try my best.

No. 268846

I don't know how old you are but I would hold back on all the marriage talk for a while tbh. There's a few signs here that it really isn't the time yet.

No. 268847

I had super fucked up tonsils from repeated tonsillitis which made my tonsils huge and deformed and I had to get them removed as an adult.
I did used to get tonsil stones but never as many as your boyfriend seems to have, also I would never attempt to dislodge one in view of another person and I was living at home with family for much of this time.
The weird tonsil sucking throat noise thing sounds like a bit of a compulsive habit at this point for him.
If he is actually getting a ridiculous amount of tonsil stones that's even more reason for him to see a doctor, some people suffer from extremely bad breath due to tonsil stones so I feel like you would very much notice if he actually had that many.

The coughing is also something he needs to see a doctor about, he could have asthma or like gerd or something that's causing him to cough so much at night. I have lived with multiple heavy smokers throughout my life and generally they don't cough that much whilst in bed at night unless they actually have some sort of respiratory infection, yes morning cough but not like coughing all night so that's also a bit concerning health wise.

Have you told him the farting bothers you and he continues to do it around you frequently on purpose? Men are generally less embarrassed about farting in front of others so he may not understand how much it actually bothers you. Also how much noise is this man making between the farts, coughs and weird tonsil noises on a daily basis does he have tics or something?

No. 268852

We are in our 30s. Not crazy young. Majority of stuff is green flags with him. I am going to reiterate firmer that he needs to fix this before we go further. Neither of us are baggage free nor exactly nuerotypical, not severely autistic or anything but we have both got some intense mental and emotional issues we do our best to work on. >>268847
It is extremely possible he has tics. His adhd is severe enough it might be bordering autism. Really smart dude. But yes, constant need for stimulation with his hands there are fidget toys everywhere etc he hyperfocuses on things etc. It doesn't bother me, he does what he needs to do. I have my own set of weird things, too. But I do suspect he kinda hyperfocuses on 'getting all that tonsil shit out' and like, literally cannot stop. I have smelled his rank tonsil breath only a few times- he is actually crazy meticulous on oral hygeine due to total and complete neglect as a kid. His tonsils and teeth are totally fucked from parental neglect never being made to brush teeth nor saw a dentist til he moved out and he is doing his best as an adult to fix it. I keep asking myself if it is really, truly hurting me or just annoying. Cuz I cant throw away what we have over something so stupid kek. I try to have patience, but some days I just feel like i am going insane due to this dumb issue. I should also have made it more clear in the beginning that it straight up bothers me and to quit but I am one of those recovering fundie kids and despite being on my own for over a decade I still have trouble speaking up for myself. This is on him, but a teeny bit on me too, ha. I just gotta be straight with him. He is kinda sensitive too, so I am afraid of really hurting his feelings. And I have like, zero tact when it comes to sensitive topics. Like how shitty of me is it if this is like a tourrette type thing where he straight up cannot stop. Maybe I could just keep giving him gum to orally distract him or something..

No. 268853

File: 1654642434041.jpg (22.98 KB, 552x531, DyC2P7_VAAA9C4z.jpg)

I didn't want to believe that anons on lolcow indirectly defend patriarchy, and yet here we are kek

No. 268859

Not valuing motherhood is patriarchal

No. 268861

women staying at home and only taking care of kids was literally one of the main principles of patriarchy, just bc women do it now out of their own "choince" doesn't change the fact it supports patriarchy way more than women being financially independent from men

No. 268862

Also saying that raising kids is the most important thing one can do is scrotey and sexist as fuck. I'm so sick of handmaidens on this site, it wasn't this bad before

No. 268863

Wtf its not handmaideny, its literally raising the next generation of human beings, thats the most important job female or male. Or do you not understand why there even are human beings on this planet?

Sorry you have been brainwashed by the patriarchy to believe its a valueless job because its traditionally been a womans job.

No. 268864

From what I remember of tonsil stones, I could actually smell them myself and even feel them at times which was very uncomfortable so I can understand him being fixated on preventing that/removing them but I find it hard to believe he's actually getting one every day or something so it would make a lot more sense that this is a compulsive habit or tic thing that he has developed and with you saying he's a fidgets etc. and has bad adhd that sorta fits.

Does he drink a lot of water or similar liquid? This helps reduce the number of bacteria in the mouth and washes out leftover food so should help with tonsil stones.
Additionally he could try a chlorhexidine mouthwash (antibacterial) and gargle with it regularly.

If it's getting under your skin so much it's reducing your sex drive significantly then it's not stupid to be concerned when you are considering marrying this man. Unfortunately we can't really control what is a turn off to us and to be fair, it's probably a turn off to most people so I don't think you should feel bad for expressing your genuine thoughts and emotions about it.

Also these habits of his can be stopped or at least modified so that he isn't constantly doing it in front of you so it's not like there's nothing he can do about it because he manages to not do inappropriate things at work etc.

It is really hard to start having these conversations with people we care about when it's a sensitive topic but I think you need to do it if there's any chance of moving past these issues. He needs to know this is a major turn off for you, though I probably wouldn't phrase it quite as brutally and you can frame it within the bigger picture of is this habit worsened by a physical or mental health issue that he is not dealing with.

No. 268866

sis can I have some of the crack you smoke

if you're really for women you would let them do whatever the fuck they want with their bodies, kids are not for everyone

No. 268868

File: 1654646715186.png (43.45 KB, 2463x236, Capture d’écran 2021-12-17 165…)

this post is based beyond belief

historically women have always worked though, unless they were extremely rich. Also if anons are insisting on this topic it is also because picrel tends to happen a lot unfortunately

No. 268871

>Or do you not understand why there even are human beings on this planet?
I'm an antinatalist so I don't see any value in breeders, be it female or male
But I especially despise something that has been tied to the female oppression since the very beginnig, even in matriarchal societies little girls are conditioned to be mothers and raising kids and undergo some fucked up rituals, it has never been empowering for women. Nothing that men want from you is empowering.

No. 268876

File: 1654649631248.jpg (101.14 KB, 1158x818, IMG_20191008_115620.jpg)

Mfw the guy im seeing is perfectly aligned with me politically (even on obscure things and rlly rare combos in men like anti sex work and anti porn but in a leftist way not a conservative way), shares a lot of my interests, is into similar media, is a stoner like me but a functional one (gainfully employed), no red flags per say-but I don't have feelings for him or feel attracted to him in any way. He's not bad looking or anything, I just dont feel that way. God I'm starting to think I'm just aroace but I dont wanna be ugh

No. 268878

Thank you for the advice nonas. Hugs

No. 268884

enjoy your meme '''sexuality''' that does not appear irl except in sexual abuse victims and the profoundly autistic (and even then not really)

No. 268888

File: 1654652767090.jpg (183.07 KB, 567x416, 1653536538198.jpg)

are you high? plenty of people with sexual partners and people who desire sexual partners in the hard sciences, which for some incomprehensible reason you've nominated as the pinnacle of human cerebrality and anti-sexuality. please send me the contact info of your plug because you must be on some good shit

No. 268889

>but anon cat in heat for a moid

No. 268901

File: 1654658357495.png (516.17 KB, 1080x1378, gethelp.png)

nice job talking directly out of your ass, because the demographic research paper titled Patterns of Asexuality In the United States says the complete opposite. i know it might be hard for you to reconcile reality with your delusions, but i encourage you to try anyway.

No. 268905

so the only valid asexuals are the super special elite sciencey people who are too busy inventing to think about sex or labelling themselves as asexual, because then that would make them pornsick neets. makes perfect sense.

No. 268919

>I'm an antinatalist so I don't see any value in breeders
CRINGE! Bet your mom regrets having you, you nihilistic bitter fuck.

No. 268920

It's because those people are severely autistic… come on anon.