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File: 1550601901809.gif (987.75 KB, 400x275, 66d6e0c5a2ef39cd404b6b207bb014…)

No. 108637

Old thread hit the post limit >>>/g/86733

Vent, ask for relationship advice in this tidy little thread.

No. 108662

Is it possible to get a lawyer to keep my husband's parents away from my money? A lot of things they have done to me before I got wealthier rubbed me the wrong way and i want to do as little for them as possible. I'm black and he's Indian. I remember when I purchased his dad some whiskey as a gift his mom responded with "why would you accept a gift from a black?you don't know what she could have done to it"…that's just the kind of shit they did before I got money. Now that I have money my husband wants to use it to help his parents because he's Indian and brain washed into thinking he's obligated to take care of them. It's fine if he wants you use money he earned himself to give to them but I'm wondering if it's possible to legally stop my husband from giving any of my money to them. I don't want to help people who see me as nothing more than "a black" and only mildly tolerate me now to leech off of me but my husband's response it always "BUT THEY'RE FAMILY!AND THEY DID A LOT FOR ME!".

No. 108663

>>108662
Yes, don't have a joint savings account. This isn't a problem you can solve overall. As long as your husband prioritizes his racist parents over you, shit like this will continue to happen.

No. 108670

>>108662
Why THE FUCK are you with a "man" that won't stand up to his parents for you? I could understand if it was anything other than extreme racism, but they call you out of your name. Like. Have some self respect.

No. 108673

>>108662
Yeah, like the other anon said, but basically never allow your husband access to any of your money, if you don't want him to use it on his parents.

Also
>marrying an Indian mommy's/parent's boy
ew

No. 108674

>>108662
Yeah, like the other anon said, but basically never allow your husband access to any of your money, if you don't want him to use it on his parents.

Also
>marrying an Indian mommy's/parent's boy
ew

No. 108687

>>108662
worst thing you can do is have a joint account with somebody. You dont need a lawyer wtf lmao just call the bank, take your money out, and get your own account where only you can access your shit. not hard anon

No. 108702

>>108687
…that's 100% not how that works. joint accounts mean the money is joint property.

No. 108722

My relationship is pretty good except sometimes when we get in an argument he acts…very oddly. I will just give a recent example to show what I mean.

> right before bedtime

> bf reads a group text with 2 of my coworkers (over my shoulder and without my permission) and sees that I sent them a meme about a video game they play and he doesn't
> he goes on for 10 minutes about "how come you send THEM memes and you don't send any to me?"
> I'm obviously visibly upset and frustrated after having to defend myself for literally sending memes to my friends
> asks me "are you upset?" And I tell the truth and say yes, I feel like I'm being attacked even though I didn't do anything wrong
> "I never said you did anything wrong, I was just joking, I think youre taking it too seriously"
> I take this opportunity to tell him that it really bothers me that he reads my text messages over my shoulder like that and I hate how he nitpicks my text conversations with my friends, even if he's just "joking" it gets on my nerves and is rude
> He says "ok, I understand, I'm going to change "
> I'm glad that he seems to understand
> time to go to sleep
> I ask him to spoon me because that's our nightly routine, and instead of complying as usual he just asks "Why?"
> "uhh, because we do every night?"
>"well I thought you would want some space"
> "if I wanted space then why would I specifically ask you to spoon me?"
>"well I don't think it's a very good idea, I don't want to intrude in your personal space"

I asked him a very simple request : stop reading my text messages over my shoulder. Then he blew it out of proportion and instead of just doing what I asked if him he will take it to the extreme : ex. "I don't want to intrude on your personal space, so I won't be physically affectionate with you anymore."
It seems like he's being passive aggressive, but if I point that out to him he will completely deny it and say he thought he was just trying to help. But that obviously doesn't make sense, right? He is generally a smart and rational person, but what rational person would think "don't read my texts without my permission " === "no more physical affection"? Is he really that dense or is this some advanced form of gaslighting?
He reacts in this way nearly every time we get in an argument (specifically if it's me pointing out something he did wrong) and it makes me feel like I'm going insane.

No. 108727

>>108722
It’s a form of manipulation, and his way of “punishing” you for being assertive

No. 108734

>>108722
>i'm going to change

He won't and the behavior will escalate. All physical abusers start off emotionally abusive. Especially since he does this EVERY TIME you argue. You need to leave him, things won't get better.

No. 108737

>>108722
a literal child.
Also that's gaslighting, minimization, projecting the blame on you, feigning innocence while punishing you emotionally. Your relationship can't be "pretty good"; you're probably manipulated into thinking so by the periods of him acting all nice, pleasant and like a good bf. That's why it's so hard to see you're in an abusive relationship and why it always continues for too long.

No. 108741

>>108737
His obvious manipulative tactics are red flags of an emotionally abusive partner, but I don't know if we can just say the whole relationship is abusive based on that.
How he reacts when OP talks to him about this might determine it, though.

No. 108746

>>108722
Just go read in the red flag thread.

>my relationship is awesome

>except [obvious huge red flag]

Classic.

No. 108754

Had a giant fight with my bf last night because I'm annoyed by his roommates new gf. I just don't wanna spend time at his place while she's there. She's an insane, seventeen year old cunt. She keeps blocking the bathroom and every time I see her I get aggressive. Doesn't help that me and my bf's roommate don't get along well anyway.

I haven't been at my bf's place since his roommate started his relationship and I really don't want to, but bc my bf wants to spend all his free time with me and he wants to play vidya games he demands me to sleep over at his place on Friday. I really don't want to tbh, fuck that shitty house and the ppl who live in it…

No. 108821

>>108754
This sounds similar to what I've dealt with within the past year. More than likely, it'll cause you stress in your relationship. Depending on what you guys want, I'd advise just you two getting your own place. If that isn't an option at the moment then perhaps try keeping to yourselves and avoid any interactions. You can try talking to the roommate's gf (but I doubt it would work). What I choose to do was ignore the person. I felt like that was a lot better than trying to befriend her. She was a very terrible person anyways and I refuse to befriend shitty people. I felt like it caused more room for conflict between her and I, but I wasn't wasting my time trying to deal with her anymore. My bf and I would argue over it constantly, but once she was out of the picture, everything became fine.

No. 108841

File: 1550771740433.gif (37.15 KB, 600x502, crey.gif)

I need help deciding if my boyfriend is a creep or not. He's 25, and I really like him other than this issue.

>saved a picture of a 14 y/o actress to his fap folder knowingly, although she looks much older

>asked reddit if it was illegal to jerk off to underage women because of an "argument with a friend"
>one of his teachers was arrested for grooming girls aged 15-17, bf & his friends didn't seem to care
>told me he'd fuck a 16 y/o, maybe 15 if she was mature

My first boyfriend was a pedophile so I'm paranoid about dating another one. From what I understand, being attracted to teenagers is somewhat normal. Idk what the line is between wanting to fuck something that looks adult, and a creep.

No. 108842

File: 1550772301107.jpg (545.13 KB, 2138x2138, DumpHim.jpg)

>>108841
Is this a troll post?
That's all very creepy. Being immediately visually interested in younger people happens, but learning their age should be a turn off for a normal person. Yes, even men. But on top of not being turned off your boyfriend seems to be actively fixated on teens and would probably fuck one if given the chance.

Pic related, anon.

No. 108843

>>108842
No, it's not. To be fair, I asked him what ages he would fuck because I started getting upset at the other signs. He didn't just drop it on me. It's worth noting that's he a lolbertarian and his friends share similar views…

No. 108844

>>108841
>told me he'd fuck a 16 y/o, maybe 15 if she was mature

he is a pedophile. dump him.

No. 108845

>>108637
>>108841

Get out of there right now

No. 108848

File: 1550776234399.png (323.8 KB, 500x550, female-neckbeard-starter-pack.…)

How do you date "normie" guys? If you look decent and not like pic related I know it's possible to get your foot in the door, but how do you maintain it? Do you have to brush up on popular media and work on social skills HARDCORE? How have any of you done it? And what's it like to date them, are they generally nicer? Is it easy, average, or hard to connect with them?

Working definition for normie here is basically anyone who rarely, if ever, uses imageboards and would give you a puzzled look if you used incel and /pol/ terms. Not really into games, has maybe seen dragon ball or pokemon but not into anime, likes popular contemporary media, etc.

No. 108849

>>108841
I don't think you should dump him straight away because of a shitty trait. Just take some time for yourself to reflect if you can and wanna look over this or maybe discuss it further with him. Maybe look at him more critically in other aspects, too. Is he really a good partner? Are you idealising him or is your image of him realistic? Or maybe he is a great partner with just some fucked up ideas about girls. Does that matter in your relationship? Does it matter to you? He probably never thought about it critically and grew up in a toxic environment that made it okay and validated it for him. I wouldn't get out the pitchfork right away but it's good that you are asking him about it and reflecting on it. You'll figure it out in time what is best for you

No. 108852

>>108848
Why would you want to?

No. 108855

>>108852
There's a higher concentration of degenerates (lolicons, hentaifags, necrofags) and assholes (genuine racists and misogynists) among guys who are balls deep into animu and 4chin. That's just how it is. Not saying normies are all uwu pure vanilla boys, but…they're less prone to it.

They're also not all devoid of interests completely, or all party-all-week-frat-boys. The ideal is some animal fanatic guy (even a dogfag would be great) who just doesn't care about incels and non-normie internet culture.

No. 108868

>>108855
I might be heavily biased, but I'd always take a normie over some guy who's on the internet too much.
You need social skills obviously, but I feel like it can really help you as well, just to get out of the quite toxic place image boards can be. Just to like detach a bit.
You can find these guys anywhere basically, and unless you have social anxiety or something there should be one out there who clicks with you. Always remember that normies are the majority. Lots of fish in the sea etc etc.

No. 108870

>>108849
He's 25 and willing to fuck a 15 year old. An adult willing to fuck a kid. A creep.

No. 108872

>>108849
are you serious? she absolutely should dump his ass yesterday.

>>108841
please dump him. please.

No. 108901

>>108848
Simple hack for dating normies: get a retail job and befriend your coworkers, 90% of them will be normies simply because they don’t have the time to spend on vidya and internet shit

No. 108923

>>108841
Dump him right away wtf, don't let him think that wanting to fuck a 15 year old is ok, he's a literal pedophile.

No. 109142

I overreacted to something related to my crush and … I … fucked up. The only way for my explanation for overreacting is to tell him that I like him. So. I will be telling my crush I like him, soon. In two, three hours. I'm going to barf. Wish me luck, farmers..

No. 109145

File: 1551041478386.jpg (12.77 KB, 333x319, large.jpg)

>>109142
oh no anon, that is probably my worst nightmare. good luck, i guess, but what's the worst that can happen really? do you mind if i ask what you did?

No. 109146

>>109145
I've posted this on the vent thread but I swear I'm not an attn whore. I just feel things too strongly oops

anyway, my crush seemed like he liked me too, asking me to be his Valentine and complimenting me, etc. Last Wednesday or Thursday (I don't remember which day…) he got some level of drunk and told me he loved me, and that he couldn't wait for me to come down to his city (I have other friends there, not just him). I told him that I could pretend he never said it and he said "Nah I'm fine with it, I don't care". At first, I was very flattered but uh, being the crazy, paranoid bitch I am, I asked my friend who's close with him about the situation, and he said that "There are a lot of girls in his life".
In my mind, it kind of confirmed that I was just a joke and someone you just talk to for boosting your self-esteem… which has been the case recently. Plus, if there are other girls in his life, I'm sure he said the same thing to them as well.
I told him to never talk to me again without really thinking it through. I overreacted.

I told this to another friend of mine (who is also friends with my crush), and he told me that apparently he was seeing a girl for a while but apparently it ended on a sour note.

We're not even dating, for fucks sake, and I overreacted. Ugh! So for everything to make sense, it makes most logical sense to tell him I like him, along with my explanation..


tl;dr I'm stupid as fuck and overreact, whether I'm correct or not. Sorry for the novel.

No. 109147

>>109146
I guess ruin this friendship that we have going on. Plus him thinking I'm crazy, which I don't deny but… ya know. Never a good impression to leave.

No. 109149

>>109146
no offense but how old are you? "

No. 109150

>>109149
I am turning 25 but like I said, I can be an idiot! It's not like I haven't had bfs either. Sad ain't it?

No. 109153

>>109146
I don't think that's overreacting, if someone close to him is saying he has girls in and out of his life all the time and the most recent one went South, why are you blaming yourself for being paranoid that he's trying to jump his sinking ship to you?

No. 109159

>>109146
i agree with the other anon, i don't think you're overreacting since he's been giving you a lot of mixed signals. just don't be too pushy with the confession and i think you're in the right. i guess you've already told him by now, but i think it was best to tell him the truth so don't be so hard on yourself.

No. 109162

>>109153
>>109159
I did it. I told him the things I mentioned above – the "I love you", other girls, my conjecture that he is also interested in me romantically. He apologized for just casually saying it, then said that he feels close to me and that "it is true", and that it's not right for him to say… when I asked for a clarification, he said something like "I love my friends, my dog, my mom, you". I asked for clarification again and he said that he feels similar about the distance and that "it didn't really make sense" to tell me online because of it.

Ugh. I should never confessed!

No. 109164

>>109162
honestly this sounds like the best possible outcome, not sure why you're still so upset/regretful. he obviously cares about you a lot. it's good to put everything on the table rather than continuing to act like a middle schooler with a crush. now you know how he feels. if he's not mad at you, forgive yourself, forget about it, and try to act more maturely in the future.

No. 109166

>>109164
I'm kind of an anxious idiot, that's why. I think I can now conclude that he likes me, or at least cares for me. Just kind of wondering how my trip will pan out. Thanks anons for listening to my anxious ass!

No. 109180

I don't want to break up with my boyfriend, but at this point, it's pretty clear that I should and need to. He makes me feel like shit about myself. The only issue is, we've "broken up" several times before for all of a few hours. We live together and have bills and such together, so I can't just walk away without talking to him after officially breaking up this time. Idk I guess I'm looking for advice on how best to stick to my guns and be serious about it now.

No. 109182

File: 1551096166566.jpg (538.48 KB, 1265x1272, Screenshot_20190225-070046_Dis…)

My husband has lost his mind and has been having these weird rants about nothing. This year has been shit and idk what to do. Does he sound crazy as fuck or is this just in my head?

No. 109183

File: 1551096323724.jpg (163.9 KB, 1263x425, Screenshot_20190225-070533_Dis…)


No. 109184

File: 1551096472868.jpg (231.28 KB, 1267x549, Screenshot_20190225-070758_Dis…)


No. 109185

>>109182
>>109183
>>109184
So, what's the context?

No. 109186

>>109184
well, the random periods don't help him sound sane, but what's this about?

No. 109191

>>109182
Do you actually want people to help you or just want to hear that you’re right and that he’s paranoid?

Because if it’s not the latter you’re gonna have to provide a bit more context. (And knowinf what you said would probably help, too.)

No. 109195

File: 1551106187429.jpg (104 KB, 1078x1078, 50922826_10205499017271460_452…)

>>109182
>>109183
>>109184
Just curious… why are you and your >husband communicating through discord?

He seems like a smart guy, I wouldn't be too worried. Smart people get crazy ideas and run with them. All he said is that he has a system for thinking things through when he's feeling irrational. Like DBT, I imagine. I don't think there's anything crazy about that and maybe he is just proud of what he has come up with.

As stated by other anons, this is out of context so I am going off of the crumbs of conversation you provided. You labeling him as crazy and using this particular series of screenies as your evidence is the only paranoia I see here.

No. 109196

>>109184
okay at first I thought, "this is nothing new, this is just logical reasoning / cognitive behavioral therapy which has been used since fucking Socrates"
But then I kept reading and you're right he's rambling about nothing, like, get to the point.
I 80% think something IS wrong with him, not because of whatever "logical reasoning" idea he has, but the weird word salad gibberish that never gets to the point.

No. 109201

>>109184
Not to pry, but how old is he? It does sound very strange, and it feels like he's dancing around with words rather than getting to the point. I don't know if he's usually like that, but it is very strange for me without context.

No. 109203

>>109196
Well, I told him if he doesn't move out if his parents home by the end of the the year and stop being so agressive when talking to me I'm leaving, he's also been stressed out because he believes he isn't "popular" at work. We got married but he still lives at home to save for a mortgage. After that conversation he's been talking weird as fuck and last night we went out to the movies and he was talking that crazy shit the whole night to the point I started crying. That night we didn't even watch the movie because I storned out of the theater because he was pissed off because some Asian girl gave him a "dirty look" when she walked in and I was telling him she didnt. It literally was like trying to talk to a robot. Hes been acting manic as hell too.

No. 109204

>>109203
*Stormed out

No. 109207

>>109201
>>109201
It's very strange to me too because he's been talking in this weird ass word salad for the past two days. He's 25.

No. 109215

>>109207
Does he have a history with mental illness or does he have any relatives that have (had) some form of psychosis or mental illness?

It does sound very psychotic to me, especially with the sudden change. Has this happened before?

If it gets worse you should maybe seek medical attention. Just to be safe.

No. 109218

File: 1551122850961.jpg (731.34 KB, 1270x2360, 20190225_142409.jpg)

>>109215

I think his family has a history of undiagnosed crazy. For example his mom doesn't let him drink ice water at night because she thinks cold drinks make people sick. He's always been nuts but this is like taking it to a new level and idk wtf to do. I'm pink he's blue.

No. 109227

I have been in a relationship with a man significantly older than me for a year now. I truly love him and would never want to break his heart. he sees me as the only one for him, he treats me extremely well, and I have to keep in mind he's older and time is running out for him to find someone else before he hits the wall. I only recently started thinking about the men my age that are honestly a lot sexier to me and at the same stage in life. I know that anons can't make my decision for me, but how would you weigh true love vs. a more practical relationship?

No. 109230

>>109207
Not to diagnose him as an internet armchair psychiatrist but it could be schizophrenia because thats around the age it can come out, which is why I asked. It doesn't mean it has to be the end of anything because if he has it, medication can help a lot, but you might want to get him to a doctor (and hopefully a psychiatrist). It definitely seemed like wordsalad to me. I could be 100% wrong though and it could easily be something else.

No. 109234

>>109195
NTA but my husband and I talk through discord while we're at work, it's easier than text because we both work at our PCs all day.

>>109203
>married
>still lives at home

This is a huge red flag to me. He definitely sounds like he's always had something going on and now it's finally blossoming into full on crazy (many mental illnesses emerge/get worse in your 20's).

No. 109267

>>109227
The thing you need to consider most is the possibility of children. Maybe you want them in 6-7 years but he's ready for kids sooner (and sperm quality degrades). Marrying someone older usually implies settling down sooner. Beyond that you might want to consider his health and his parents health. He's going to start having health issues sooner especially if he doesn't have a healthy lifestyle. What sort of health issues to his parents have? Might be a clue as to what to expect.

No. 109271

>>109227
Anon, if you're thinking about breaking up just to get with sexier men then how the hell is it true love

No. 110655

Anons, I bet that would be the dumbest question ever, but… I'm moving in with my boyfriend, and I love him so, so much, the same goes for him. But we agreed that once a week he would have 1-3 hours of space because he is working on his game project… Meanwhile, I am a really clingy person that actually relies on people because of how lonely i oftenly feel due the fact that Ive beenalone for my whole life until now, and the whole thought of having him right near me, even in the same apartament and…Having his space. I know, that is really dumb, especially for me, a somewhat grown adult, even tho i'm only going to turn 19 this year… Idk guys. I feel so bad about it, but i dont want to waste any minute without him because of how much i love spending time with him, making him happy, etc that i want to cry. I sound so damn selfish. I dont want to waste any of the minute when our honeymoon phase is still here. TT_TT

No. 110656

>>110655
He's literally working on a project. You shouldn't be in a relationship honestly.

No. 110657

>>110655
You are being extremely childish and if you don't grow up your relationship will not survive. At your age, it probably won't either way but seriously.

No. 110658

>>110655
Hey a good thing for you would be to find a hobby or something you could do for those hours when your apart. Something you find fun or something you can work on. I read, play on my 3ds or other games. I find it a fun distraction that's entirely for my benefit.
I understand loving someone is intense but don't forget you are your own person. I think having time alone would be beneficial for you anyway so you aren't so focused on your boyfriend and the relationship. Drive those emotions elsewhere and for yourself and then when you see him again it'll be nicer since you have had some time apart and you won't feel like this with time practicing being apart.
The other two anons were harsh but they are right, this way of thinking is dangerous for a relationship but if you can solve it then you'll be fine. If not you need to reconsider being with someone if you cannot remain as an individual person separate of your partner.

No. 110659

>>110655
You are too young and too emotionally immature if you can’t be away from your boyfriend for a few hours a day. Do you expect to go to the bathroom together? To shower together?

What do you do in your alone time now, do you have any routines or hobbies you do by yourself? Living together with your SO isn’t a romance movie, it’s mundane and it’s boring. You need to find your own hobbies and interests independent of him for the sake of not just your relationship, but your own sanity and mental health.

No. 110662

My boyfriend pushes me away in times of stress and even broke up with me when he had a mental breakdown a few months ago. After some time apart he really regretted it and we made up after another few months. Now he's going through more shit and I'm afraid he's going to do the same thing again. I had to cancel my trip for next week because his house technically isn't safe right now and I'm afraid he's going to push me away again because of all the stress. I want to give him some space but I feel so on edge. What do I do?

No. 110665

>>110655
He's asking for 3 hours a week to himself? So 3 out of 168 hours? You gotta give him that space or he's going to resent you in the long run (or, in short time.) Go to the library. Play video games. Take a nap. Exercise. Learn a skill. Bake him a cake. Do literally any 3 hour activity, three one-hour activities, etc. There are so many it's kind of pointless to name them all. Watch TV. Go see a movie. Do the errands you have, like grocery shopping, getting gas, managing bills, save everything you have to do for those 3 hours so you can be productive and distracted at the same time. Knit. Do yoga. Do laundry. Anything.

that's seriously a tiny request from him to get three hours of personal time a week. If you can't manage to give him 1/56th of the week to himself, you should seriously reconsider if you're ready to be in a relationship at all.

No. 110666

>>110655
So I don't live with my bf, but we spend a lot of time together, especially on the weekend. Occasionally something else comes up that we have to do and we can't be together. One thing I'll do on days when I can't see him but still want to do something with him in mind is bake something to share with him. It's a nice distraction, and also nice to anticipate sharing with him. You could also do some of that time-consuming grooming stuff that needs to be done regularly, or use the time to do laundry or other chores. Maybe you could make plans with friends or coworkers and get coffee. I think doing anything other than just waiting for him would be helpful. Some of the things I mentioned are focused on him, and some are focused on you, and some are focused on nurturing friendships. Do what works for you.

No. 110667

>>110662
Don't walk, but run away.

No. 110679

Serious question, how do I stop being a doormat to my SO? I used to be in a physically and mentally abusive relationship and now when I finally decided to move on I can't help but still be scared of my new SO and just get pushed around because I'm too afraid to say no

No. 110682

>>110679
The serious answer is that you need therapy, and there is no easy advice any of us can give you, because it won't be that uneasy to undue the effects of years of abuse. It's going to take time, you didn't become a doormat overnight, and you aren't going to be assertive overnight.

In the meantime, try to change your language to be proactive. Remove any kind of self deprecation from your vocabulary. Don't apologize for wanting things, for speaking your mind

No. 110693

>been married two years
>go out to after party with coworkers after work
>have small crush on other coworker
>coworker ends up putting his arm around me and another coworker, feels totally platonic and i have no desire to do anything more
>coworker later ends up with this arm around me and keeps pulling my face into his chest, enjoy it but really not feeling anything more
>later when i say goodbye coworker is sitting and pulls me down towards him
>i think it's just a hug, he's been drinking for about 8 hours at this point so really drunk
>He bites my neck
>female coworker on other side of couch going wtf
>think it's the end
>pulls me in for a french kiss
>don't kiss back, really brief
>okay then
>feeling conflicted because i enjoyed it loads but everything about it was unexpected and he knows i'm married

I haven't had a chance to tell my husband because he literally spent all of yesterday avoiding my calls, texts, and spent all day at work (intentionally) to avoid me for god knows what reason. Totally unrelated to the party because he deleted Facebook before I even left the party.
Obviously I would prefer to speak about it in person as opposed to a text message that won't be responded to.

No. 110694

>>110693
tbh id be more concerned with the fact that your husband is intentionally dodging you than a stupid drunk kiss at a party.

No. 110696

>>110694
yeah, that's a whole fucking thing. I went into a panic attack because he came home from work and immediately left. Was okay for a half hour but when I realised it wasn't just a walk I started panicking and calling him. every single one went to voicemail.
I really feel like the relationship is over, but I'm here on a visa reliant on being his wife. :/

No. 110709

>>110693
Wait he deleted facebook WHILE you were at the party? Maybe people were uploading pictures of your face smooshed into another man's chest and he got pissed off at you

No. 110710

>>110709
Unless you mean left to GO to the party in which case he just wants you as his pet and is annoyed you went somewhere without him

Letting the other man try it on you was not the right thing to do though

No. 110712

>>110696
That sucks anon and I know spouse visas can be tricky. Wishing you all the best.

No. 110724

>>110710
Forced him to speak to me about it, he was pissed I didn't text him I was going for sure. He thinks I need to just accept that ignoring me is his way of dealing with being furious with me
Not happy about it, obviously.

No. 110726

>>110724
>>110693

So, I am trying to look at this as objectively as possible.

>1.) No communication

We do not have to tell our spouses everything, but it is a common courtesy to let them know our whereabouts. I always check in with my partner to let him know if I am not coming right home after work. Is it because he demands it? No, it is because I would want him to do the same for me If the situation was reversed. This allows him to make his own plans and figure out dinner for himself, etc. Were you gone for 8 hours longer than expected without communicating? If my partner did this to me, I would be absolutely furious.

>2.) Crosses boundary, then expects husband not to be upset

Perhaps you crossed a boundary. He has his right to stew for a bit just as you have a right to go out and party with your coworkers.

>3.) Getting drunk with coworkers/crush

I am not going to cast judgment on you, but getting drunk around coworkers is never a good thing. It leads to a lot of different issues, some of which you just experienced. Getting drunk around crushes is even worse because it lowers inhibitions and causes you to do things you otherwise would not do if sober.

>4.)Visa wife

So, this can create an unhealthy dynamic. However, him being upset with what you did is not relatively unhealthy.

How he probably sees it:
> This person who I provide for and brought to this country is walking all over me and is probably cheating on me.

He likely feels a sense of entitlement because of it, and I am not saying that's right of him, but if you have any interest at all in making your relationship last, you are going to need to take some accountability for yourself.

I do not see you as the victim here.

No. 110733

my boyfriend I dont want to break up, but we should.
He goes to school part time and goes to work full time and we see eachother about once a week. I go to school full time and just got a job in a different state.
Recently he double booked himself and had to leave our date to go to a party he promised his friend hed go to.
He also recently went to the strip club with his friend after asking me to deny him permission so he could get out of it and do homework.
He never gets his work done, hes exhausted, and he dosnet have time to be in a relationship.
WEve tried to talk about it and make things work out but he dosent put anything we talk about into effect.
Im leaving in six months. I dont know what to do.

No. 110747

>>110726
We've finally discussed it through and I want to emphasise the visa thing was never a factor in our relationship, only incidental.
Also, we both work in pubs, where it is totally normal and encouraged to go out drinking with coworkers. He does it far more frequently than I do, which is fine. I actively encourage him to to socialise with his coworkers so long as he does it in a safe manner.
Thank you for the objectivity anon, I do not see myself as a victim. I didn't include the fact I immediately texted him when I left, apologising for my inattentiveness and explaining where I was and with who.
I texted him an hour before I went to it and then was only there for about 3 or 4 hours. At max I neglected to communicate with him for about 5 hours. Me not doing this is not normal and he expressed he was upset because the last he heard from me before that was me explaining that I was probably going to a party and not following up with that until I had actually left. Which I 100 percent understand and agree with, but I do not condone his way of ignoring and avoiding me intentionally. Had he texted me once to say "I'm really upset with you and need some space, I'll speak with you when I'm ready" I would be absolutely understanding and give him that space willingly.


>>110733
Be careful that whatever you do in your relationship it is well understood by both of you. Your boyfriend could be too mentally and physically exhausted to keep up with what you've discussed, but if you both feel like you're not in a place to continue the relationship, be aware that this is grounds for regret and a lack of closure between the two of you. And if you two do end up breaking up, don't be surprised if either of you find yourselves with other people, serious or not.

No. 110752

>>110747
Idk. You posting here and your original tone pretty much solidifies that you see yourself as a victim. Are you looking for advice or just “omg you’re so right leave him anon”

No. 110774

While my ex wasn't perfect, nor did we date for very long, I just miss having an engaging person to talk to. I live in a tech hub, and dear God the amount of spergs or just social retards is so fucking annoying.

At this point I don't even wanna fuck, just hold down a fucking conversation PLEASE

No. 110784

>>110747
This just sounds like a communication issue tbh, and those tend to blow up more than they need to. You should've been more communicative and he should not have thrown a tantrum and ignored you and deleted his FB like a drama queen. If you can both acknowledge you fucked up you can move on.

No. 111251

My boyfriend said he needed to think about some life stuff and asked if it was alright to be away for a week. I said yes but I'm already missing him two days in. How can I calm down and not be so clingy?

No. 111260

Is it irresponsible to end a long term, generally positive relationship over nitpicky stuff and overall boredom? It'll be three years at the end of this month and I still get uncomfortable at the idea of marrying him, which seems like a red flag.

I've posted about him in these threads before, he's a standard emotionally underdeveloped STEM robot who has trouble communicating and shuts down really horribly whenever I try to confront him about his flaws. I think he's the cutest boy I've ever seen in my life but the way he doesn't seem to have any passion or excitement about anything is really unattractive. He's extremely wishy-washy, has zero opinions or political views, and I can never get a straight answer from him for literally anything. He's also extremely insecure (he's ~3 years older than me and I'm his first and only gf) especially when it comes to sex–I have never enjoyed sex my entire life but he takes it so personally that I have to force myself to do it regularly even if the whole time I just feel like ":-\"

On the positive side, he's very loyal and dependable, generally kind and well-mannered. He's stylish and his interests are cool to me, and even though he doesn't have any internal will to do anything he's always down for whatever I suggest. We don't click on an intellectual level but we're a perfect match in sense of humor and goals/values. Neither of us have very many friends and we enjoy spending quiet time together. I know I sound like I'm hung up on a bare-minimum guy, but I truly love him and it just seems really shitty to end such a nice thing over generalized dissatisfaction. But, the small flaws are so pervasive that it's impossible to target any areas for improvement. I don't know what to do.

No. 111261

>>111260
Can you further explain
>I know I sound like I'm hung up on a bare-minimum guy, but I truly love him and it just seems

What is a bare minimum guy?

No. 111263

>>111261
I guess the type of partner who doesn't really try to hold up their end of their relationship, but also doesn't do anything offensive. He doesn't cheat on me or treat me horribly, but he also doesn't really do much to show he loves me and even once stopped telling me he loves me for a while because he wanted to "figure out what love means" first. If I need something from him he's there, but I have to state it clearly because he doesn't pick up on social cues or think about my feelings.

For example, I've silently gone through hoops to spend time with his family because it seems like something important to him and I personally want to get to know his sisters better, but I have to verbally tell him when I want him to spend time with me/my family or else he'll just stay at home and make no effort.

No. 111264

>>111263
Is he autistic?

No. 111266

>>111263
>>111260
Just to be clear, I think I do put a lot into the relationship and I don't demand a higher level of effort just because he's my boyfriend. I don't ask that he shower me with gifts or drive into the city to come see me every single night, I just wish he would seem more into it.

>>111264
I don't know at this point, we joke about it a lot and my friends/parents have gently suggested it, but I can't tell which parts are autism and which parts are laziness.

No. 111292

>>111266
>>111260
I don't really have anything to add anon but I am in the exact same situation down to pretty much every detail

No. 111491

I had sex with a friend who is kinda a nerd but really nice and lovely. Now we were both drunk and horny and this was a month ago but fuck it was soo good. and well how does one ask another to become a fwb. We are still talking and he has made some comments about how good it was etc

No. 111528

>>111292
>>111260
Similar issue here.
I love him, sex is good, life is cosy but still the idea of until death do us part feels wrong. Can't tell if this means the media has brainwashed me into unrealistic expectations or if I've accidentally settled.

>>111491
Just invite him over for a night of drinking and vidya and see what happens

No. 111554

>>111491
I'd say you should just meet again and if you were both into it but none of you have said anything about romantic stuff it should be okay to just straight out ask him. As long as you're both agreeing on being fwb there shouldn't be a problem. If you feel like he might develop romantic feelings you should be more careful tho.

I have that kind of problem rn where I don't know if I should agree to be in a relationship or not. Met this guy about half a year ago, and we'd both broken up with our exes shortly before that. We're now part of the same group of friends and after discovering that we share hobbies, political views etc I started liking him a lot. Recently he posted in our group chat how much he was in love with me when he was drunk though, and while I'm attracted to him I'm scared of a relationship. He has kind of an alcohol problem and although I told him I'd only try being a couple if he started therapy, I'm super scared that if it doesn't work out, it'd worsen his condition.
Ik that's one of those things I need to decide for myself, but from an objective viewpoint - should I give it a try with the possibility of an awesome relationship but with the risk of hurting him so much it breaks him? Or should I just stop talking to him (sorry for the novel)

No. 111561

I really fucked up. I dated a man who was 13 years older than me online, he was my first relationship. I knew from the beginning something was not right (he never mentioned his age for many months, what his job is specifically, etc.), but I just ignored all the signs because he was really gentle, pretty, we had similar interests, he was really sweet and sensitive. He acted obsessive (after my friend's funeral I couldn't type for few hours and he got really mad), but overall, it didn't happen that often, he would get upset sometimes, but not always. I was typing to him everyday, so I guess that also contributed to him not being angry with me.
I grew tired of his complaining, obsessivness, and the attitude (everything is someone's else's fault, constant complaining without even trying to improve, etc.), and generally, I just stopped wanting to pursue romantic relationships. So I decided to break up with him, and this was a big mistake. I promised him I will be his friend so he won't harm yourself, but it's like his personality got so much worse. I feel like it's all my fault, he used to be so gentle before, sometimes he still is, but now he threatens me everyday, says he will commit suicide, make me skip my classes whenever he feels suicidal (almost everyday). He told me he won't harm himself if I am going to have sex with him, type to him affectionately, meet him, etc., so I agreed (even though I really really did not want to), but he attempted suicide anyway. It's just getting worse and worse, I feel like I ruined him. He even quit his job (he worked in his dad's office in a low-wage job, but still, he was at least making some money) because of me. I feel like a piece of shit and a victim at the same time.
Is there any way to resolve this? I was telling him to go to therapy for months, he finally agreed few days ago, but now he changed his mind and is sending me cruel things again (like pictures of him with a gun in his mouth).

No. 111564

>>111561
He won't kill himself, anon. He's just an abuser who wants you to feel bad so he can have control over you entirely. Dump him, block him and change your number if needed.

No. 111566

>>111561
Yeah he's abusive, I was friends with someone who pretty much told me the same thing, so I stopped talking to them. And nothing happened. He won't do anything, and even if he does you just have to tell yourself it wouldn't be your fault, because its not. And to me personally, I kinda doubt that he actually did all those things like quitting his job, attempting suicide, etc. If you aren't in contact in real life, then I really don't think it'd be that hard to lie about all that in order to make you feel bad.

You cannot fix him, he's got serious issues and you need to get out before it escalates further. Stop worrying about what happens to him. My advice is to tell your friends whats going on, and close family member(s) you trust just in case things get bad after you leave him and you need someone who has your back. Guys like that don't let go easy, but whatever you do don't let him guilt trip you into staying and do NOT feel bad for him.

No. 111571

>>111564
I am sorry about your friend, anon.
The problem is, he already attempted suicide. I have a proof of that. So I just can't leave him, I don't want him to die.

>>111566
He really quit his job (to be fair, it was because a client was mean to him there and he got really angry and upset over it, but I am sure I also contributed), and I have a proof that he attempted suicide. So I know he isn't lying, he is sincere, and I am the cause of all of this.

No. 111572

>>111571
nta but 1stly, an attempt does not necessarily mean he is sincere, for if he was you wouldn't be dealing with this situation anymore as he would be dead, it means that he is willing to go to lengths to manipulate you into staying with him. 2ndly, well so fucking what is he by some magical odd unlike all other guilt-tripping suicide-threatening scumbag bfs before him does kill himself? that would not be on you in the slightest as you are a person and you are never ever obliged to stay with anyone if there is any reason whatsoever you don't want that. you obviously are a very kind person and he has taken advantage of that, you didn't "ruin" him by trying to break up with him, literally don't feel guilty about that, he just let his shitty side show. and as you said, him quitting his job is at best only tangentially related to you (even if it was 110% your fault, who gives a shit, his dad can prolly set him up again).

obviously any of us commenting have a very slim chance of convincing you of seeing this situation rationally but maybe try going to therapy yourself as it could help you realise that you have been taken advantage of and emotionally abused by him and he is not worth any of your time or effort.

No. 111577

>>111571
Like the other anon said, it's not your fault if he decides to kill himself and is successful. It is an awful thing tactic to lay on someone and it's not at all your fault. At all. And quite honestly, if a person is this abusive to another, they deserve a fate like that, whether this is cruel or not. I hope he rots, anon. You didn't do anything to be abused by that cunt.

No. 111581

Not sure if this is the right thread since I guess I'm not seeking advice per say so much as support and words of encouragement. Sorry for the length.

Back in February I found out my boyfriend of a few months was talking to his most recent ex in a way that made me uncomfortable. During their relationship he had cheated on her with his ex before that, and so their conversations were very emotional, revolving around him assuaging his guilt for his actions during their relationship and comforting her for the hurt she still feels over what happened. My boyfriend deals with mental health issues and said talking to her also reminded him of a time when he was healthier/happier. He admitted that when we first met he probably still had feelings for his ex and therefore some of the things he said during the first month of us dating may have been close to crossing a line, but for the most part it was out of feelings of regret and nostalgia. So we agreed he would no longer speak to her and we would move forward.

However, two weeks ago I discovered that he and his ex were still talking. He admitted he has attachment issues and a hard time letting go of people. However, he reiterated that it was out of guilt and a longing for the person he used to be, not because he had any romantic feelings for her. He says the conversations were dwindling and he thought over time they would speak less and less until eventually he could feel okay with blocking her and never speaking her again. He also felt that because the conversations had become more impersonal and less emotional in nature, which was a huge improvement from a time when he was very attached to this person, it wasn't really a problem and therefore he had no reason to make it one by being honest and letting me know he didn't feel ready to stop speaking to her, knowing it would hurt me and make me feel insecure. Instead, he thought he could just let the conversations dwindle naturally, and I would be none the wiser, so nobody would have to be hurt.

I was pretty ready to break up but my family really likes him and was encouraging me to give him another chance. Paired with his explanations and the fact that I do really like this guy, I decided to give things a bit of time to see how I feel. He blocked his ex, got a new phone and has been more open with his usage of it, but I continue to feel anxious and hurt about what happened. I keep comparing myself to her and I feel like shit. I know this isn't healthy and I don't want to be in a relationship where I feel like this. Today he left his old phone here and I was able to look at some of his texts between him and his ex from just before we met and it's become even more clear to me that he has a pattern of behaviors that he may not necessarily be able to control and it's very possible these behaviors will resurface and I will get hurt again.

I'm pretty sure I'm going to break up with him today, and I know that's probably a "duh, no shit you should" to anyone reading this, but I guess I just want some words of wisdom from my fellow farmers because I feel really sad and anxious about it.

No. 111609

>>111581
How did it go, anon? Hope you're doing okay.

No. 111611

>>111609
Thanks anon. We've been talking about how I'm feeling but I haven't managed to do it yet because whenever he explains himself I start to doubt myself and pussy out. I know I should probably listen to my gut though so hopefully I can manage to do it soon.

No. 111619

>>111581
I think you shouldn't feel bad for wanting to end it anon, my advice is just "dump him" but emotionally I know what it's like to stay.

I always stick to "once a cheater" mentality because in the last three cases for me, it's been true. My most recent ex was still telling his ex that he loved her when he was dating me, he assured me it wasn't anything but guilt and attachment etc etc, but he ended up cheating with her during that time.

The patterns of "It's just because she was so close to me, it's hard to let go" quickly spiraled into aggression and gaslighting when I put my foot down that I was uncomfortable.

It's really clear that even if he has mental health issues, he doesn't respect you or the relationship to stop speaking to an ex that HE hurt by cheating. People like him often will try to explain their way out of situations without caring how the other party feels. There isn't really an excuse on his end, from my PoV.

I hope you have better luck next conversation and just put your foot down, you deserve more than being lied to by a cheater, anon. You can do this.

No. 111631

>>111581
>During their relationship he had cheated on her with his ex

Don't even need to read more than that. Men do the same thing over and over, he's trying to/is doing this again, to you

No. 111633

>>111571
You are not the cause of his mental illness, especially since he is going after you, making demands on you, pulling you out of school to demand attention. He is fixated on you but it's not your fault. Sending you photos of himself with a gun in his mouth shows he has no empathy and enjoys torturing you (because you care about him)

No. 111635

Posted this in vent thread but now I want some advice.

I am so fucking pissed off at my close friend from uni.

>bf recently dumped him

>I stay by his side and help him finish work while being super sad
>Do this because I treasure our friendship and him as an individual
>i recently get into deep depression
>I try to get into contact w him for some support because we cry together and shit
>he doesnt reply until two days later
>first thing he brings up is some random bullshit about his day
>try to be respectful and show i would like his support as my friend
>reads message but doesnt bother replying
>still hasn't replied its been almost a week now

I understand he went through his break up but its been a few weeks and all I wanted was someone to listen to me. At the beginning I felt so sad but now when I look back at our friendship I have always been there to support him when his parents were going through their divorce and when he was in a deep depression and almost dropped out of the degree we're doing.

Now looking back I am getting angrier and sadder about how one-sided everything is

>remember how he always relied on me to complete assignments and exam notes

>remember how he wasn't supportive and happy for me when I got recognised for academic excellence
>remember how i told him about my academic excellence award and he had a pissed off face but said 'I'm really proud of you'

I thought it was just because he was going through a hard time - I thought that's why he replied like that and I thought thats why he isn't replying now but its been enough time. WTF am I supposed to do now? Fuck.

No. 111638

Not sure if this is the best place to ask but here goes. I’m moving in with my boyfriend soon and he has 3 kids, I’m wondering if this makes them my step kids? Or does that require marriage? What’s your opinion? What would you call them? For context, I’ve known them for a year.

No. 111650

>>111260
>>111292
>>111528
i too, am in a very similar situation. it's comforting to know other people are in the same boat.
the sex is good, but not frequent enough for me. i get it once, maybe twice a month, if i'm lucky. i've told him i want more sex, but he won't give it up. about a year ago i caught feelings for someone else and they haven't left me yet, but i would never act on it; i feel like my eyes only wandered because of the lack of sex in my relationship.
i don't want to leave him, this is the healthiest relationship i've ever been in in my life and i love him, he treats me well, and i feel like this is as good as it gets and i'm just being ungrateful for what i have. but also we live together, have a dog together, and i'm kinda getting too old to start over. if i don't have children in the next five years it's probably not gonna happen for me, and i've always wanted /my own biological/ children
i sort of feel like i have no choice but to stay and make it work regardless of my feelings

No. 111655

>>111638
Just go by first names maybe, if the mother is still about she might prefer that in the meantime. I met my step mother early teens so we've just been first name terms. Just refer to them as your boyfriend's kids.

To add context, I met my step mum as my dad's girlfriend but they did marry. In conversation I'd formally refer to her as my step mum I don't know if she'd ever refer to me as a stepdaughter we don't have a great relationship.

So once they got married I honoured the titles; but I never lived with her. I don't know your situation but if you and the kids are bonded maybe they'll decide?

No. 111666

This guy I'm really head over heels for just ghosted me out of nowhere? I'm not mad, I'm just confused, he works right next to me and use to talk to me all the time in his break, we hung out a few times and it seemed fine, he seemed to like me and led me out but out of nowhere he just disappeared

I don't know what I did, I want to straight up ask him if I did anything wrong, I'm not going to force him to talk to me I just want to know what I did wrong so I can fix it, what do I do /g/

No. 111670

>>111619

Thank you anon, this was really helpful and I appreciate the support. <3

No. 111671

Y'all ever be with a guy who is worried he is gay and like actually expresses that to you but expects you to be supportive/sympathetic? What am I doing with my life?

No. 111701

>>111671
are you stupid lmao break up

No. 111718

>>111666
Did you have sex with him?

If so, sorry, but that's probably why. Don't fuck a guy you want to be your BF before you make sure he's your BF or there's a 50% chance he's just trying to lead you on for sex.

No. 111742

>>111671
Yikes, sorry anon. A long time ago I did go out with a guy who I legit thought was gay after a while. How long have you been going out? Either way, really is best to just nip this in the bud. If the guy has these troubles swimming in his mind, then he definitely needs to figure out who he is, and you shouldn't be with someone who isn't absolutely sure they want to be committed to you if that's what you want.

No. 111743

>>111718
I never fucked, never even kissed him yet, we just went out and we had a good time, he just disappeared out of nowhere

Maybe I'm over thinking? I'll message him and ask if he's okay or talk to him in real life but I don't wanna seem crazy, I really like him and he came onto me

No. 111754

So I cheated on my husband with an e-boy.
I'm an awful fucking person but I've been so sexually frustrated with my husband, and everything just kinda lined up to make it possible for me to cheat.
Eboy is younger and more inexperienced but so much more eager and fun and his dick is gr8. He doesn't live in my state and is only here on spring break so this isn't a long-term thing but, I still did it.
Idk what to do anymore.

No. 111756

>>111754
I cannot fathom why anyone would cheat, especially because of SEX. It’s such an unimportant thing.

No. 111757

>>111756
Yeah, I know.
I mean it's not just sex, it's really nice being so appreciated.

Eboy is young and cute and eager. And my husband is not :x very much just, gets it over with. Doesn't cuddle, doesn't touch me softly, doesn't like me touching him too much, doesn't like his hair touched certain ways.

No. 111758

>>111756

It's because cheaters are weak, like let's be real what type of person lights their relationship on fire for two minutes of orgasmic bliss…? Short-minded people who only care about the now, rather than the future.

Look at this shit
>ebois dick is gr8.

No wonder the incels hate us. This bitch is bragging, how degenerate and unfortunate for her poor husband.

No. 111759

>>111758
Who seriously uses terms like "eboy" anyway?

No. 111761

>>111754
Are e-boys camboys?
>>111756
I'm against cheating but I disagree that sex is unimportant.

No. 111762

>>111759
I wouldn't say I was using the term seriously. I met him online on a video game.
>>111761
No he's not a camboy or anything. He's just a college kid that plays a video game I also do.
>>111758
I wouldn't say I'm bragging but my wording could have definitely been better. I don't really care what incels think of me and neither should you.
I am being a terrible person though. I just wanted to get it off my chest.

No. 111763

>>111762
I wouldn't be too hard on yourself. We all have needs, even if people want to vilify you for it. As long as you're honest with yourself that you're missing something in your marriage, and you don't try to deny it to yourself, you're better than 99% of people that cheat.

Talk to your husband about it, and if he changes nothing after that, do whatever it is you need to do.

No. 111764

>>111763
I've tried giving suggestions in the past but he just kinda brushes it off whenever I do. Or he'll listen for the next time we have sex and then stop. He's frustratingly vanilla and tender when were intimate, even though he's not really like that in every day life.

I got off birth control in the past year, and my libido is finally back to what it was before hormones (BC killed my libido among other shit side effects) and I just don't think he can keep up with me honestly.

I'll just have a more serious discussion with my husband, instead of doing what I'm doing. I definitely made the wrong choice.
Our problems are more than just sex related but I guess this is just my breaking point?

No. 111765

>>111764
You didn't make the WRONG choice, you just made a choice. If he hasn't listened before, it's pretty natural you'd end up trying to find it elsewhere.

I'm not saying cheating in the long-term is good or acceptable, but it's understandable why you did what you did. You obviously know there's problems and it's led you to the conclusion you want to have the serious talk about that and other stuff.

Like I said already, you're clearly self-aware and being honest with yourself, so if it's the dealbreaker for you, make sure you don't stick around with this one forever, husband or not, or you really will keep making this same choice again and again.

No. 111767

>>111765
Thanks anon, I have a lot to think about. I don't want to give up on marriage just yet but I guess its something I'll have to consider if nothing ends up changing after serious discussion.

No. 111772

>>111765
>cheating isn't the wrong choice
She could have left him before cheating on him jesus fucking christ.
Idk what I expect of lolcow.

No. 111774

>>111772
nah I agree with you. anon is real dumb and cheating is the worst.

No. 111786

This is going to sound horrible but I don't know what to do because my bf of 2 years won't seek treatment for his acne. He has back acne, chest acne, and face acne as well. He has really excessive oil production where his body can form zits to a whitehead within a day. I used to have beautiful skin but I've been breaking out a lot since we've been dating.

Slighly unrelated as he even has a cyst on the back of his head but refuses to make an appointment. He says that it's a "cosmetic" thing but his acne has literally been affecting my skin since we've been dating to the point that I've had no self-esteem since my face has never been so broken out as it has in the past two years. I'm talking zits and deep pimples everywhere. I've spent so much money trying to fix my skin but even with my topical treatments from my doctor, him kissing me or laying on my pillow is still making me break out on the sides of my face where I lie down.

And I literally change my pillow cases constantly, never reuse rags/towels, have a gentle skin care routine and topicals. Yet when I convey to him that I would help him set the appointment for his cyst and his acne, he says it's just "cosmetic" as if I haven't been crying over how disgusting my skin has been looking.

No. 111792

>>111786
Does he have some kind of infection or something that sounds insane. How does that not hurt?
I think you should straight up give an ultimatum I can't even imagine breaking out in pimples just because my partner kisses me. That's fucking disgusting anon you deserve someone better that cares about themselves.

No. 111794

>>111792
His pimples aren't painful but they're like little whiteheads that are constantly appearing due to him being super oily. His cyst is on the back of his head, covered by his hair–apparently it doesn't hurt but it's visible when he gets a haircut and he gets annoyed when I remind him to make the appointment to have a doctor drain it out.

I can't get over the feeling that I'm in the wrong because it's 'cosmetic' but I swear that as soon as my pores touch his face that I get like 2-3 pimples from that area alone. And unlike his acne where he can just pop the little whiteheads, mine is super deep and prone to inflammation. This is literally killing my self-esteem whereas he doesn't mind his acne despite it being a huge turnoff when I see his chest or back which are littered in pimples and blackheads. I hate it but it's lowering my attraction to him and he takes it super personally. I'm just trying to convince him to go to a dermatologist for both of our sakes.

No. 111797

>>111794
Yeaaah… That's ultimatum worthy, anon. It's not being shallow, it's affecting your self esteem and well-being. I would explain it in those terms to him, saying how it's affecting me and issue an ultimatum to at least acknowledge the problem and take step to fix it or I'm out.

No. 111799

>>111794
You aren't in the wrong, surely he's not happy about his skin either? I had bad acne as a teen and when my mum made me go to a dermatologist I was so mad and offended, and then when I'd see the dermatologist I'd get upset… but my feelings weren't really directed at them, I was just embarrassed and insecure. Thank fuck for them though, accutane was the best thing I ever did for my looks and my self esteem. It was literally like, take pills -> clear skin with zero effort, I can't believe I was so reluctant when it's so easy and effective. It sounds pretty severe if he's getting cysts under his hair but I can also say that accutane dried up my scalp to the point that I barely had to wash my hair. It just sucks the oil right out of your body.

No. 111911

I met a guy online 7 months ago and moved in with him 2 months ago and now we're dating. He demands we split everything finance wise. I just started working a crappy call center job and it makes me cry everyday with all the constant screaming and cursing. Im only 18 and moved in with him right out of high school because my parents are crazy abusive. I dont even feel attracted to him much and he forces me to look like his ex girlfriend like making me gain weight and get bangs. I only make $1000 a month and hes demanding I pay $1500 for living for free for the 2 months plus next months rent, plus gas payment. He always forces sex everyday and I hate it. After rent, groceries, and my cc debt I have nothing. I cant break up with him though because then I couldnt afford rent or someone to drive me to work. I seriously just want to pack my things and run off with a guy Ive been talking to online who wil let me be a NEET in his home.

No. 111912

>>111911
He also makes me pay all the utilities and do all the chores

No. 111914

>>111911
Try to set aside some money. He's demanding more money than you make because he never wants you to be able to leave. You could also leave for that other guy, but don't be NEET. Change jobs if you can and save up some money of your own that nobody else can get.

No. 111919

>>111911
Run before he traps you even more. I'm the same. I was so grateful to escape my toxic mom but now I'm trapped by my bf. I wish in time to save money to have a backup plan.

No. 111942

I have a gripe about my boyfriends attitude towards sex. We have sex at least once, maybe twice every time we see eachother, which is fine, but when I don't want to or I'm not feeling 100% he gets huffy and lectures me on how hard it is being rejected and how awful it makes him feel. Usually it ends with me caving in and fucking him or giving him a handjob, but recently I stood my ground and told him how pestering and coercing me into sex every time I'm not feeling it makes me feel unsafe and how even my worst boyfriends have respected my wishes without so much as a complaint, and he backed down and apologized but it was more of a "stop arguing with me and help me cum" end to things.

He's wonderful aside from this, first time it happened it really grossed me out and literally made me repulsed and knowing that he'll pull this shit again in the future makes my vagina dry up real quick. How do I get my point across? Usually I'm pretty good at conflict resolution but the way he thinks he's entitled to sex makes my brain fucking freeze up.

Any advice welcome :(

No. 111945

>>111942
Well my piece of advice is don't say shit like
>how even my worst boyfriends have respected my wishes without so much as a complaint

Worst thing you can do in a relationship is compare your current SO to other ones. You can get your point across without having to do this.

Let's look at it objectively. You obviously don't see each other all the time. If he likes ya, he's gonna want to do it. You obviously have a right to say no but yeah, it does suck when a partner isn't feeling it. I have felt super rejected and sick by my bf saying "he's too tired". It stung and I'm sure your bf feels the same way. It's not even entitlement but just neediness. You need to reassure him that you not being in the mood has nothing to do with him, and don't shame it for pestering or coercion because that's only going to make him feel needier and more insecure. Demanding is "have sex with me now or I will break up with you"

There's a difference between what you are describing and that.

No. 111956

>>111942
Keep standing your ground. When you don't want to fuck you don't want to fuck. Just maybe don't make it about your exes and more about
>You're badgering me into sex, it's making me extremely uncomfortable and makes you come off as rapey.

No. 111957

>>111942
Keep standing your ground. When you don't want to fuck you don't want to fuck. Just maybe don't make it about your exes and more about
>You're badgering me into sex, it's making me extremely uncomfortable and makes you come off as rapey.

No. 111971

>>111945

>Worst thing you can do in a relationship is compare your current SO to other ones.

Worse than whining until your girlfriend lets you use her body to masturbate?
>You need to reassure him that you not being in the mood has nothing to do with him, and don't shame it for pestering or coercion
The fuck? Yes, shame him for coercion! Yes shame him for pestering! Maybe she would be in the mood for once if he wasn't disregarding whether she wants it or not
>>111942
Continue to stand your ground, if he can't handle you having the right to say no to sex then it doesn't matter how wonderful he is all the other time. He doesn't get to have full veto over your vagina just because he feels huffy and rejected, that's toddler level emotional intelligence.

No. 111975

Ok uhh idk where to start with this and idk if its really an issue but basically. While i was sleeping last night (and it has happened other nights too) i can hear my bf watching sissy hypnosis audio. He doesnt realise that ive noticed. It kinda bothers me, maybe it shouldnt but i just remember discussing not that long ago that we both dont like that sort of stuff. Hes got lots and lots and lots of sissy porn on his phone i realised after checking it just before, like, heaps. Ive asked him if hed rather be with a man and he got upset amd said he hates men, but all that i can see is stuff about cocks and sucking dick and dressing up. Ive come home to him in my clothes and making one of my best skirts dirty with lube… i dont really get it but its starting to frustrate me a lot. Especially since im losing sleep due to him watching this shit at 4 fucking am

No. 111976

>>111942
Ignore the anon complaining about comparing him to your exes. What you're saying there is that it's a pretty basic thing to accept when your partner doesn't want sex. My bf never has an issue with me not wanting to have sex, even if he would have liked it. This is what things should be like, and you know it. Don't ignore it. Stand your ground.

No. 111977

>>111975
You can post him over in the trannies thread in a few years.
Also make him buy you a new skirt.

No. 111983

>>111975
There is no way this behavior won't escalate. He keeps you awake, wears and dirties your clothes, and is secretive over his porn habits. He's being disrespectful to you now and its likely going to get worse. Think about it, if he wanted to dress up why doesn't he buy his own clothes? Why does he have to stretch out and dirty yours? He doesn't care about respecting your things.

This is how a lot of transitions start. If you don't want to be with a transwoman start letting go of this relationship.

No. 111984

>>111975
talk to him about the inherent misogyny of the sissy fetish(If he truly hates men then ask him why have this fetish which is sexist becasue the degradation comes from a man becoming a woman)
tell him that all the "sissies" in sissy hypno are really just cis-women and men can never look like that
also if he uses reddit then link him to https://www.reddit.com/r/TGandSissyRecovery/
Also I recommend for him to watch Stud Hypno

No. 112010

>>111975
I don't think it's inevitable that a fetish devolves into a full transition/kink-living life. My husband was this way, but only the masturbating in women's clothes and imagining himself getting butt-fucked. We were open about our fetishes, and I just was honest with how uncomfortable it made me because it felt like I couldn't wear skirts or feminine clothing without him imagining himself in them. Like I still let him do it, and talked about it with him, but I didn't play along. Eventually he just kind of threw out all of his heels and skirts because he wasn't feeling it anymore. Instead of fixating on the "womanhood" part being what turned him on like what AGPs end up doing, he fixated on the butt stuff, so I peg him. I think him not watching porn also helped.

I get that weird fetish stuff can develop though, but if your partner loves you, it kind of just goes away if you don't feed into it or ban it completely. Kind of like a teen phase. People who fuel their fetish by neglecting their partners and transitioning against everyone's wishes were shit people from the start.

No. 112034

>>111975

Being into sissy stuff doesn't necessarily make a guy gay; a lot of the sucking dick and butt stuff is stemming from the humiliation and taboo aspect of the fetish.

Honestly, just sit down and have a frank, nonjudgemental talk about it.

No. 112038

>>111975

Although watching sissy stuff doesn't necessarily make someone gay (like someone else said, it's more of a humiliation fetish) I would speak to him seriously about this ASAP (if you chose to continue the relationship)

You need to set serious boundaries STAT (for example, no watching porn or not watching porn that keeps you up, not using your clothing etc)

I never had this particular issue, but I had an issue with my BF watching tons of porn all the time, sneaking around about it etc, and we had a frank and honest discussion about how serious I felt about it. We thankfully were able to resolve it. He no longer watches tons of porn, understand and agrees that it was bad for his mental state (it was for him in particular, can't speak for everyone but yeah), and now we have a better sex life and overall relationship. Men CAN change as long as you nip it in the bud and discuss honestly about how serious this is. I would be irate if I found my BF doing that shit especially if it was keeping me awake so late/ruining my personal items.

No. 112113

My ex wanted a three-week "break" (in quotations because I know it's really a break up). The three week period is supposed to end soon but I have my doubts he will contact me. There are a lot of things I want to explain to him because I didn't even have a chance to properly communicate with him about what happened in our relationship. However, I feel that him imposing this stupid fucking break is already probably quite telling of how little he cares about me. Would it even be worth it to reach out to him to clear up misunderstandings or should I just let it go?

No. 112122

File: 1553949121381.jpg (33.15 KB, 640x623, D1plF9nWkAY2JMO.jpg)

how do i get an irl bf? do guys ask you out out of the blue? where do you first meet? for context i've been an insecure fat nerd for majority of my teens, i didn't care about my looks at all and i never really got along with guys i never had a guy friend so i honestly don't know how to communicate with guys. I used to get so anxious when i was in a situation where i had to speak to a guy my age alone (doesnt matter if i find him unattractive/attractive) but i'm super comfortable with talking to girls, since i got to college i lost a lot of weight and i learned how to do my makeup, hair etc. i look like a regular girl now, all of my exes were guys i met online (all ldr), we met irl months later(after establishing a relationship) but i cant seem to build a relationship outside of the internet. Closest i get is making out with guys when i go out clubbing but that doesnt really require much talking and i usually block them afterwards cause they are typical fuckboy types that i have nothing in common, def not people i see myself in a relationship with. I'm not really insecure anymore and i'd say i'm extroverted now but I dont know if it's because guys never showed interest in me (both physically and emotionally) up until last year that i dont know how to navigate romantic situations or not but i'm tired of meeting weirdos on dating sites or anonymous apps i want an actual bf.

No. 112125

>>112113

Unless he contacts you, I think it would be best to try to let it go. It's a very common to have these feelings after a break up (or "break") of "Oh, I didn't get a chance to explain things, I've had time to think about things with a fresh perspective, there's so much I need to say, etc." but even if you end up getting to share those thoughts I find they rarely make a difference. Closure rarely ever happens the way we need it to, unfortunately. Focus on you and your healing process for now, anon.

No. 112127

>>112113
Disagree with the other anon. If you want to wait and see if he contacts you after the break then do that, but if he doesn't and you still have things that you want to say then let it out.
Don't beg for him back, that was over from the moment he announced the break, and don't give him the satisfaction of saying that you miss him. But if you want to vent at him for things that happened in your relationship, or clear your own conscience before you move on? Have at it
And then move on

No. 112130

>>112125
>>112127
I definitely see both your points and thought about how it can go either way. I don’t have any romantic feelings at all for him anymore but the way the relationship ended was in a way that was just completely unfair to me and full of misunderstandings. I guess it’s something I will just have to sit on more but I’m leaning toward not contacting him since I doubt he cares enough to want any sort of understanding. I should’ve known better than to date someone who didn’t give it his all in a relationship and barely ever reciprocated. I mean, he dumped me all because I had one really bad medication-induced meltdown when our relationship didn’t have any other real conflict before that.

No. 112133

Sorry for the bible but I really need to vent. I've been dating this guy for 8 months now and it's been a whirlwind relationship, we said I love you very early, everything moved very fast.

His family is in a shitty place economically, he's a high school dropout and isn't planning on getting a job any time soon, even though his family is struggling. He somehow convinced me to let him move into my apartment, everyone around me was upset, and like, no shit, but I couldn't really see how big of a deal it was until he was in my home, with his computer and his cat.

I'm happily busy: I go to university about 8hs per day, have a part time job, like spending time with my family and my best friend. I'd leave in the morning and come back at like 10pm, when I asked him what he did all day he'd say "Oh I've been playing Fortnite". I cooked for the both of us, did the dishes (because I asked him to do them and they were still there 2 days later), he didn't even want to clean his cat's turds. At one point he got hurt and asked for a tissue to clean the blood and that bloody tissue stayed on the desk for 3 days.

I feel like I did so much for him, made space in my home, paid for the move, got cat food and litter for HIS cat, gave him my desk, my mouse pad, he even wanted my screen. So I exploded and asked him to leave. He told me we'd have to break up, that he'd never be comfortable coming back here, that he regretted ever talking to me, then he started telling me how he was suuure we'd get over this, this being him invading every little inch of my home and life. I told him no and then he went from being extremely hurt and crying to saying that he'd move back home and we could still be together. I ate all that crap and sent him home (paid for that too, AND he took all the stuff I previously mentioned with him) with some money. He left his cat behind, which for some reason hates me and has been destroying my house.

If you guys could rip me a new one and let me know how much of a pushover and an idiot I am for falling for his constant manipulations I'd be very grateful, because even though I want out there's still this little part of me that only wants to think about the good stuff.

No. 112137

>>112133
only halfway through your post and he definitely got a great deal with you, sounds like he conned his way in for the free board.

(reads the rest)
If I'm reading this right, he took your desk and computer monitor with him, but left the cat? wtf?

i kinda want to see a picture of him, I'm trying to imagine what kind of guy could get away with this behavior. You did the right thing sending him home imo

No. 112158

My partner/boyfriend/ex-boyfriend is saying that he can't be with me because the distance is too much for him. He says when we're together he really loves spending them with me but when he goes back he gets reminded of how lonely he is. He's also terrified of settling young and commitment in general but is also terrified of losing me and wants me to be around.

So what is he actually saying?

No. 112161

>>112158
He wants to sleep or is sleeping with other girls and doesn't want a long distance relationship

No. 112163

>>112158
>>112161
Seconding this but to add:
He's terrified to lose you means he's not wanting to be alone alone when he's done sleeping around and flirting with other women. He wants to sow his wild oats knowing some sap is gonna stick around until he's done so he doesn't have to put forth effort into making a lasting relationship with someone else.

No. 112164

>>112163
He's really upset that with the fact that if we break up then I can't handle being friends with him because we're very close. I haven't been hinting at marriage in the near future but just that I'd like to get married down the line in general (like a significant amount of years down the line) and he's taking this as he can't fully commit to be because if we get married he's just gonna be trapped and doesn't understand why saying this is incredibly hurtful

No. 112165

>>112164
He also got really offended when I said that maybe his commitment issues are something to work on rather than fully cave into.

No. 112166

>>112164
please break up and don't stay friends. i'm surprised that he hasn't asked for an "open relationship" yet. he's wanting to screw around with girls nearby but still wants you to commit and is going to try to keep you close as a fallback when he's done.

No. 112173

>>112164
A man who sees marriage to you as "a trap" is not one you should get married to.

No. 112215

I've been sleeping with a sometimes coworker (both freelance) for the past six months-ish. It's pretty casual, but neither of us are seeing other people. Originally, we would go on actual dates but after he really freaked out about the prospect of a relationship (not something I necessarily want- he brought it up out of nowhere) it devolved into just drinking and having sex usually about once a week. It was always very platonic/casual up until the actual moment we started having sex. This is fine by me, I've been able to keep some emotional distance from the situation til now.

In the past few weeks leading up to a month-long holiday he's now on he suddenly changed his tune. He's been saying things in front of our coworkers that give away that we're seeing eachother- stuff I've left at his house or etc, where previously we just acted like we were just friends. Our conversations have gotten less surface level, sharing emotions and our histories a bit more or whatever. He's also more physically affectionate the whole time we're together, and feels more present and attentive during sex.

I am wondering if the change is because he realised he was going away for a little while and wanted to kinda fill his boots before that? Or we've just been seeing eachother long enough that he's just gotten comfortable. I feel like I'm willing to believe anything other than him actually getting feelings for me because it seems so ridiculous that that could happen after this long sleeping together so often. I am worried about getting caught up in this new influx of nice attention cause of my low self esteem. He claims to be super traumatised by a bad breakup and terrified of commitment so I don't want to let myself start catching feelings and then have him turn around and freak out and leave. I have been very careful this whole time to keep a distance so I don't spook him and I feel like I don't know how to act now.

Sorry for the essay lads, pls red pill me on my false hope that this guy actually likes me.

No. 112224

>>112215

Sounds like you just need to ask him?

> he really freaked out about the prospect of a relationship (not something I necessarily want- he brought it up out of nowhere)


Although he sounds like a loser and a waste of time, why bother.

No. 112228

>>112173
We broke up and it’s awful. He already broke my heart once and I’m dumb enough to have let him do it again. We were both into Homestuck and he kept describing how he wanted us to move into a ‘Moiraillegiance’ not understanding that I am a real fucking person with real fucking feelings. It fucking sucks because this was really out only issue; I was ready and he’s not. He even said it himself. He was my best friend but I can’t be around him any,ore. I miss him so much but I can’t keep getting hurt again. Men see me as expendable and that’s never going to change.

No. 112230

>>112228
Proud of you anon, I know it sucks but be strong, and make sure you cut contact and remove him from social media. You will meet someone who will actually want to commit to you and only you, and treat you like a real partner.

No. 112239

>>112228

That's good to hear, anon, you made the right decision. It will hurt for a while but this will give you time to focus on yourself until someone who respects you and doesn't see commitment to you as a trap will come along.

No. 112263

>>112215
You seem reeeaaally passive about all of this. Become more active and ask what his deal is.

No. 112264

How do you know if a guy is into you or just wants to be friends? Are there signs?

He talked to me first and has asked me to coffee twice now, but he just seems generally social and says he wants to befriend people who are always alone (I absolutely fit the bill). He also has other female friends so he isn't doing anything out of character it seems.

Am I over thinking it because I've been single for so long and am shit at reading people kek?

No. 112269

>>112264
You could just ask him if he means as friends or as a date. Wishy-washy vagueness hurts both of you.

No. 112275

>>112264
He sounds like he's trying his luck. Befriending people who are "always alone" sounds really odd, like he's targeting needy people specifically so he can appear to be some sort of saviour

No. 112276

>>112215
He's got you into a position where you can never ask for affection, but now is pushing it into a "relationship" territory without discussing it with you, and leaving you still fearful of "scaring him away" by being affectionate or romantic yourself.

It's up to you how you play it, but I suspect if you become affectionate in return to match his change, he will say you are needy and putting him off. He is in the power position here where you are stepping on eggshells, afraid of being "too" close. I would ignore the change completely, if he's still acting this way in another two months you need to discuss it.

No. 112277

>>112228
his only issue was a huge one.

No. 112282

Currently staying with my long distance boyfriend for a while. We are kind of a few months into this relationship. Tonight I realized he locked himself in a room to eat alone (I ate earlier) and he didn't answer when I tried to get in and ask what he was doing and it made me upset. A little while after this he approached me when I was sulking about it and I asked why he did that. He said 'why not?' and I said it was really weird to me. And he was like 'I've seen weirder things but ok'. It's just us two in this house and I've never had anyone do this when I was visiting. Does anyone else find this weird too or am I overreacting?

No. 112283

>>112282
Never had that happen to me and you're not overreacting. I would feel pretty crappy if someone decided to lock themselves to eat alonr and not answer. He's either autistic or just really rude.

No. 112286

>>112282
He's weird. Like who locks themselves away from their girlfriend to eat?

No. 112287

>>112282

Yeah, definitely a strange thing to do to a partner staying at your house. I've never had a boyfriend lock me out of a room when I was staying over and I would never do it to them either. He could've at least communicated about it, if he values his alone (eating?) time, and if he respected you enough to not be a weird creep about it.

No. 112295

>>112283
Maybe he has an anxiety about being seen eating?

No. 112297

>>112282
maybe it has to do with the ldr and he has some social anxiety or was tense and needed some alone time?
also this >>112295
but it's definitely odd and he should be more communicative about it and you're not overreacting. it also creeps me out a bit personally reading this but I don't know either of you

No. 112298

>>112297
or maybe there was something embarassing he wanted to deal with alone
or maybe he was going to the batcave to fight crime

No. 112299

>>112282
Sounds like he can't communicate and if this is just a few months into the relationship I would really reconsider if it's a good idea to stay

No. 112300

>>112287
>not be a weird creep about it.
>wanting to eat alone makes you a creep
You just might be retarded.

No. 112305

We're LDR and we've been together for 3 years. It's always been a bit rocky, but was at least manageable at the start and middle. Now lately I feel like my bf's mental state is slipping or maybe he's just showing his true colors. His friends seem to be aware of this behavior as well, and often joke about it with me in private (sometimes even around him tho), so I'm not sure, perhaps it's a frequent thing.

He lies. Constantly. When I catch him, we argue, and he lies more. He always claims I'm being childish for pointing it out, or that i should allow him to lie. They aren't minor things (usually misspending money). He also lately has been consistently lying about things in arguments that he knows aren't true. He'll claim I have opinions on subjects that he knows aren't my opinion because we've discussed it before. An example might be him suggesting I intend on having him pay for a plane ticket for me, when we've already discussed heavily that I will pay, just because he wants to pretend I'm asking for money so he can start an argument.

Money isn't the only argument but it's a big one. My bf has a very extreme video game addiction (he buys hundreds worth every month) to the point he has no money for other things (tho he does pay his bills), and despite earning almost 3x what most do, paying no bills outside of cable and phone, living rent free, he is unable to save enough to move out of his parent's due to the amount he's spending on games (and sometimes- clothing). He also has self image issues so occasionally he'll go on sprees where he buys expensive clothing because he thinks then people will "see him as as attractive as he really is", or something like that. I would not care about this right now if not for the fact HE is claiming somehow I am stopping him from moving out… despite his over spending being entirely in his control. When I say "that's not true and you know it" he simply says I'm being childish.

This concerns me as well because we've been talking about moving in together. But I honestly feel afraid he just sees living with me as a way for him to have more money for games, since we'd be sharing the bills. I wish he'd move out on his own first so I could see that he's able to pay rent, and not buy games, first… but he won't. He has no money saved, is hitting his negatives in his bank account every paycheck, and is a few thousand in debt. (He has an excess of about $2000 per month, which could pay off this debt in 2 months. Yet somehow it always disappears…) He claimed he was paying this debt, but recently I find out either he hasn't (and has been shopping) or allegedly has money stored away… I'm not sure which is true, if any, because he lied consistently during the convo, with numbers changing every message.

We also had an incident a while back of him accusing me of cosplaying a character "to impress a guy" when he knew, for a fact, it was not for that reason, and later admitted to simply saying it so he could start drama.

As well lately he's been "joking" a lot about me "cheating" with a friend of mine. He says they're jokes but they're exhausting to listen to/read constantly. I'm not sure what's going on really, but it's really annoying, and really exhausting. I feel like I'm constantly having to defend, and present arguments, for issues that shouldn't be occurring if he just used common sense & stopped lying.

Worst yet is that if one of these arguments goes far enough and I genuinely get upset at him, he'll continuously ask me if I still love him. If I say yes, he assumes all is fine, and usually ditches me to play a game or something, even tho I'm still upset. It's very frustrating.

No. 112306

>>112305
>LDR
>3 years

this isn't a real relationship, anon.

No. 112309

>>112305
>"joking" a lot about me "cheating" with a friend of mine

HUGE red flag imo. This is in a lot of cases a sign of him deflecting/feeling guilty about cheating.

That aside, this relationship sounds like shit anon why the fuck are you still in it

No. 112311

>>112306
nah it's not like that, we see eachother often

>>112309
hmm that's true. i never thought of that.

also idk. i love him, we had a good start, it's just been recently that it's been a trouble. plus we've put so much time and money into this relationship, it feels like a waste to dump it. he has lots of ups, there's just been a few downs lately… i'd like to try and make things work if i could.

No. 112312

>>112311
3 years is a long time to not be moving in together.

No. 112314

>>112311
>i'd like to try and make things work if I could
Then tell him to stop lying, stop joking about things that make you uncomfortable, be more responsible with his money, get help for his depression or whatever is wrong with him, and grow up. He legitimately sounds like a 12 year old. Everything you said would be a dealbreaker to me on its own so idk how you're putting up with this dude. Being together for 3 years isn't a reason to stay together in and of itself. If you spend 3 more years on it, and he's still a shithead, that's an even longer time invested into failure. If it were me, I would dump him if he didn't get his act together soon.

No. 112315

>>112311
I’m also dating a guy with a gaming addiction but since we moved in 3 years ago he has dropped his job and can’t keep any since. So I understand where you’re coming from anon when you say you love him.

That said, (and hypocritically so) I wouldn’t wish this upon you. You should break up.

No. 112317

>>112311
>compulsive lying
>video game addiction
>financially irresponsible
>jealous
Those aren't 'downs' anons, they are 'severe character flaws'. Moving in with, or worse, marrying someone who can't manage their money could legitimately ruin your life. Keep dating him if you enjoy it more than you dislike it, but don't legally bind yourself to him in any lasting way.

No. 112318

I’m in a LDR and my friend confessed a couple days ago. We talked about it for a couple hours so I thought we were on the same page of understanding that I'm not available, but then we talked a second time about it two days later. He thought that I would consider him as a second option since I’ve been with my bf for so long and I don’t know what’ll happen in the future. It's a no. I told him he's not a second option. Later, he texted me that if things don’t work out with my bf and he’s not with someone else, that “I know where to find him.” Why would he want to wait around? I don't want him to wait around. I graduate from undergrad in about a month and I'm leaving right after, so I wish he waited a bit later if he really had to tell me. It’s awkward now.

And then today I came over to his room since his roommate and another friend were playing smash, and the roommate was pretty incessant on me coming over (it’s just his personality). The friend came out of his room in a little bit and sat at the other end of the couch I was on. Another friend came over so he had to scoot over in my direction, and I could tell he didn’t want to! He said he was fine with being friends when we talked but I don’t think he is.

No. 112319

>>112305
The accusing you of cheating thing isn't funny to bring up even in a "joking" manner (wtf?)

Your guy doesn't sound like a catch either. He's a materialistic loser with an out of control affinity for games. Hundreds a month on games is beyond insane and that's coming from a gamurr. You need dump his lame ass.

No. 112320

>>112300

Wanting to eat alone (you really think he was just eating the whole time kek) doesn't make you a creep. Locking your partner out of a room without telling them when they're staying over and pretending like you're not there does. That is socially inept retard behavior, if anything.

No. 112321

>>112305
If you guys are arguing about money and you don't even live together it's time to end it. He sounds like a manchild and if you think he's going to get it together when you move in, he won't. He's going to expect you to pick up the slack and not change his lifestyle at all. This, on top of the constant lying, gaming addiction and cheating accusations all add up to be a big fat "dump him."

Don't buy into the sunk cost fallacy, just because you've spent time and money on him doesn't mean he's worth it, sometimes you cut your losses and move on to better things. I literally wasted half my 20s on a dude in a similar situation and refused to dump him even though every person I knew was telling me to, and I regret it so much.

No. 112335

>>112305
he sounds horrible, sweetheart. it's best if you cut your losses now

No. 112337

>>111561
Sorry to vent about this matter so much, but god. I am so tired. I had a severe panic attack because of him, I also have heart issues so I had to stay in hospital in the week following the attack. I thought he will cut me some slack, but he would do the same things over and over again, threatening me at least four times a day, calling me a bitch, tell me to rot in hell, etc. Finally, he told me he doesn't want to contact me anymore, and that we should block each other. I was so happy I statred crying tears of joy, I was honestly never this relieved in my entire life. Half an hour after he blocked me, he send me a video of him cutting himself to my old email account (I wonder how he got it). He got really upset because he wanted to block me first, not the other way around. Fuck that, fuck, fuck. Now I have to "talk" to him again.

No. 112338

>>112337
Don’t talk to him. You’re just showing him he can do this and it works to get you back. He won’t die. Cut him off.

No. 112341

>>112337

The only thing you can do is to please block him for good and never contact him again. I can pretty much promise you that he will not kill himself. He will most likely find someone new to control when he realizes you're done for real.

No. 112344

>>112337
From now on pretend you have not seen anything he sends you. No confirmation at all. He gave you an out by "dumping" you so he can't blame you for his actions. Which were never ever your fault to start with

No. 112345

>>112337
Even if he did die by suicide, it wouldn't be your fault. He is severely unstable. Please do what's best for your safety and health. Stop talking to him. File a police report if he keeps threatening you. Women get murdered in situations like this all the time.

No. 112347

>>112337
You do not have to talk to him. You are not responsible for what a grown-ass man does. Whether he wants to selfharm or not has nothing to do with you, the decision is entirely his. Block him everywhere, ignore him everywhere, change your phone number, get him out of your life.

No. 112349

>>112337
Lil bitch boii should off himself. Modern men often lack father figures to tell them to pull their shit together and cope.
So they go through life lacking backbone.
This guy is Captain Ahab - looking for vindication from the white whale (dating).

I almost take pity on those people but you can’t be someone else’s reason for living.

No. 112350

>>111666
>>111743
Update: he comes back, calls me cute, then starts acting distant again

I don't get it, what do I do

No. 112352

>>112311
>3 years together
Well then, feel glad you didn’t marry him.
Life is way too full of serious business to stay in a relationship with a guy who can’t be bother to get his feet out the door.
I know that type far too well. If he decided to stop fking around and be his own man starting today, it could be years before he works through his issues. These behaviors have deep roots. It’s not worth waiting.

No. 112353

>>112350
Do you even know if he’s single?

No. 112355

>>112350
Keeping you on the hook while pursuing other girls.

No. 112356

>>112353
He's single definitely, he came onto me first and lives with his parents and always tells me about how his life is boring and a routine

>>112355
What do you mean

No. 112357

>>112356
It means he's giving you just enough attention to keep you interested so he can fall back on you once he's done chasing other pussy. Unless you're looking for a hookup, stop wasting your time.

No. 112358

>move in with bf 2 months ago
>honeymoon phase already gone and we hate each other
>constantly arguing about finances
>i work a shitty call center job that makes me cry everyday and pays shit and half my paycheck goes to ubers
>state office takes away my Medicaid since i started working
>told bf i might as well quit
>bf gets super angry and claims i owe him 3 months rent and to buy him weed
>i told him i have $70 to my name, he doesn't care

What do I do? If we split I couldn't afford rent. I really just want to pack my bags and run off somewhere.

No. 112359

I'm ashamed even posting this on an anonymous imageboard, but how do I get rid of a racial dating preference I've had since my preteen years? (yellow fever, I have a thing for Asian men, and I'm white if that matters.) The thing is I know that I'm too progressive to fit into this culture, even probably for the Asian Americans. But I still seem to inherently have this preference even though I would rather get rid of it.

No. 112360

>>112358
Leave his broke stingy ass. If he really cared about you he'd care about your mental health and happiness and not demand "owed" money from his own girlfriend. My boyfriend loves buying me gifts and always helps out and never asks for a cent back. When I told him how terrible my Mcdonalds job was he told me to quit and that he will gladly take care of me and I can be a housemaker.

No. 112361

>>112358
you should look into dating older men. your boyfriend sounds like a poor immature young pos, treating you more like a room mate than a girlfriend. older guys have their career set, love spoiling their girl, are mature, and would not demand you to split everything in half like rent/food/utilities etc.

No. 112363

>>112357
Meh I don't know mang, the way he talks about his life and I insta-stalk him, he's sorta a celebrity and is very busy all the time

He's honestly the only guy I would be willing to get serious with for many reasons and I've literally never felt that way before Not to sound cheesy

I give him the benefit of a doubt because he is very busy as in he owns several businesses and he's never came onto me really hard or did anything that suggested he wanted to rush into a relationship rather just let it happen naturally

No. 112368

>>112363
>sorta a celebrity
>he is very busy as in he owns several businesses
—But previously
>lives with his parents and always tells me about how his life is boring and a routine
>he works right next to me and use to talk to me all the time in his break

This doesn’t really add up to me.
Could you clarify?

No. 112374

>>112368
I live in a big city and work in a cafe next to a lot of offices, so running into rich folk who stop and get something before work or during their break is nothing new to me

He's all over different business sites and his IG does confirm what he's telling me, he's in some weird situation of moving out and moving somewhere else I think so he lives with his parents for time being

This whole situation is just confusing to begin with

No. 112384

>>112361
Fucking tragic advice, are you a middle aged scrot trying to up your chances of getting a younger girl? Old men should stick to old women, and anon should sort out her own finances before even thinking of moving in with a guy.

No. 112392

>>112361
>are mature
Hahaha, a 50 year old that can only date insecure 20 year olds is so mature.

No. 112395

>>112361
only an old fogey would say this sincerely, don't listen to him anon

No. 112396

>>112359
There is nothing wrong with a preference so long as you don't treat the Asian men you're with like a stereotype. Why do you need to get rid of it? Just date asian guys.

No. 112397

Could it be a sign that someone is married or in a relationship if he sometimes end calls very abruptly and shares very little personal info about himself? Not sure if I'm reaching but something feels off.

No. 112399

>>112363
then maybe he's just too busy for you? no one here is going to be as familiar with his situation as you are, if he REALLY is a super busy pseudo celebrity business entrepreneur then he probably doesn't have time for you or a committed relationship. either way you should stop worrying about it and move on.

No. 112400

>>112396
Okay, thank you anon. There are a couple threads about interracial dating and preferences in /sty/ that I read and everyone acted like it was some terrible thing, I suppose your advice is best in just dating who I like as long as compatibility is there

No. 112402

>>112361
No mature older man would go for a girl 10 years younger than him

No. 112406

>>112337
>Now I have to "talk" to him again.
No, you don't. Stay strong.

No. 112407

>>112345
If he's threatening suicide, report it to authorities so they can get him the proper help.

No. 112408

>>112358
Where were you living before? With parents? If so, break up with him and move back home.

No. 112417

>>112397
Listen to your intuition. If something feels off, it probably is.

No. 112447

>>112158
I’m this anon and i haven’t talked to him again but I want to so bad. I want to just be his friend just to have him in my life even though it’s so pathetic.

How do you know when you have codependency issues? How do you work on those? Whenever I have a breakup it basically ruins me and I shut down for several months. It’s pathetic. I don’t feel “full” unless I’m in a relationship. How do I have a relationship where I don’t emotionally depend on a guy so much?

No. 112452

>>112447
You don't. You're not fixing anything by dating people, you're just extending the problem to the next one and the next one.
If you can't be happy on your own just existing in the world, you're codependent already.

You honestly just have to learn how to be alone. Treat yourself like you just met, figure our hobbies and interests, likes and dislikes, what you want for a future.

Wanting to be with someone isn't bad, I tend to get into new relationships after a few months because I know I'm still fine alone but like being with people who make me happy. The issues lie when you cannot exist alone without being miserable. You're trying to feel a hole with people and the closest thing that's ever gonna be is sex.

No. 112530

Sorry I just..

>have crush on close guy friend for YEARS

>he's not interested in me like that
>I move on
>get bf, get dumped
>hang out at bar with guy friend
>he keeps calling it a date
>text him next day "sorry not interested in you like that"
and haven't heard from him since what the fuck

No. 112548

My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years and we've been flirting with the idea of moving in together. Until recently, I lived at home so we were only able to see each other on weekends. Now that I have my own place, he spends up to 5 days at a time with me. The first 3 to 4 days are always great, but by day 5 it becomes obvious that we are sick of each other, feeling claustrophobic and tensions run very high. We almost always end up getting into arguments over minor things or even full-blown fighting.

My boyfriend is a regular easygoing normie type who lives with 3 other people and is always 'on.' I'm extremely introverted, live alone, and too much socializing burns me out easily. I can't stand being obligated to do things I don't want to do after a hard, stressful day of being 'on' at work. I just want to come home, put my feet up and veg out for 2-3 hours doing absolutely nothing and with no obligations to anyone. But when he's "living" with me, I get to relax for about 15 minutes before he comes home and then I have to jump up and worry about dinner, worry about doing chores, listen to him talk about his day, and be available for sex. My stress gradually mounts during the week as I have zero time to decompress, and it eventually boils over and causes arguments.

Aside from this issue, we are highly compatible. We rarely argue when we don't "live together." It seems we always need a few days of breathing room, we can't be together all the time. How can I address this? I do want to live with him someday. Am I being selfish/ immature? Are we just not ready to take that next step? How do other couples manage to be together 24/7 without getting absolutely fed up with each other?

No. 112549

>>112548
Just explain it to him in a sensitive way. Tell him that you need "me time" and that you are an introvert that needs space. Don’t make a big deal out of it, this is really doable. You can also tell him that you want to avoid the fights and thus make arrangements before moving in together.

I have been living with my bf for seven years now and we have the same dynamics because I am introvert, too, while he loves company. In our first apartment, we had our own rooms. This way, we could still have our private space and environment (our rooms looked totally different, too). We still slept in the same bed often, but not always. He has always tried to respect my boundaries (= he leaves me alone when I need it) and I have always tried to respect his non-existent boundaries (= he sometimes invites people without asking, but I don’t freak out because of that. And he keeps walking into the bathroom when I am in there lol).

We live in our second apartment now and have one bedroom. I often spend in our work room and he often is in the livingroom, so we still have enough space, but enjoy our evenings together. My bf also goes out more than I do and I enjoy hanging out by myself at home every now and then. Really, there are so many ways to harmonize, even if you’re different personality types. Good luck, anon!

No. 112567

>>112548
What will help is something an old boss of mine told me once: not every night is date night now that you live together.

That's advice for him, not you!

No. 112578

>>112548
>How do other couples manage to be together 24/7 without getting absolutely fed up with each other?
By not being together 24/7 basically. Everyone needs time on their own, whether it's that hour in the morning if your partner leaves early or a morning when you go to the gym and he doesn't. If my husband and I were together literally 24/7 you better believe we'd go on each other's nerves.

No. 112591

>Am I right to be worried about my mentally challenged cousin and his girlfriend

he's 6'3 and generally well built but he has the mind of a 5 year old and lives with his mother, he works a series of odd jobs to support himself and his mother and is a hard worker but still could never live on his own and needs someone to take of him
currently he has a girlfriend(she is his first and only girlfriend)
I feel somewhat uncomfortable with their relationship as he's on the same mental level as a child and she's not,i know people with disabilities want to have relationships and date other people but I still feel their relationship is worrying
I also am afraid for her safety as well as my cousin can have tantrums and these tantrums can be very dangerous and I'm afraid of him hurting her in anyway

I should also mention his girlfriend is a 30 year old goth(I know its unimportant but still feel its worth mentioning)

No. 112592

>>112591
How old is your cousin?

No. 112593

>>112592
just about to turn 28 in 3 weeks
he lost his virginity earlier this year to his gf

No. 112594

>>112593
It doesn't sound too bad to me and I think we sometimes give people less credit than they deserve. If he can support himself and his mother it might not be as bad as you think. Just because he has a disability doesn't mean he should only be limited to date other people with disabilities.

Does he have a diagnosis? Or is he just a manchild?

No. 112595

>>112594
his asshole father threw him down the stairs when he was 8 and his brain never recovered from that
He is literally just a child in a man's body

No. 112596

>>112595
You sound very protective of him. Why do you know when he lost his virginity?

No. 112599

>>112596
she(his gf) told me

No. 112602

>>112599
Ew, now that's something you should really be concerned about. She might be autistic af or she knows exactly what she's doing. Can you ask her about her intentions?

No. 112604

>>112602
She says my cousin is the best and most kindest man she's even been with and says she loves him

No. 112605

>>112591
How does his mother feel about the relationship? Are you the only one in the family who sees a problem or are others raising concerns as well?

I think it's a little concerning especially if he has this disability combined with having an abusive father in his childhood, seems like a recipe for being super easy to take advantage of and manipulate. He might also be susceptible for settling for a shittier relationship if he thinks he can't do any better because of his disability, but if he has the actual mental capacity of a 5 year old he might not be thinking like that.

I'm not sure if there's much you can do about it though. Does he live alone with his girlfriend? If not, I'd talk to his mother or whoever lives with/cares for him and just say you're a little worried and ask them to keep an eye on them and make sure this is really what he wants.

No. 112607

>>112605
>How does his mother feel about the relationship?
She's happy for him
>Are you the only one in the family who sees a problem or are others raising concerns as well?
Just me my dad and my older sister ever

>I'm not sure if there's much you can do about it though. Does he live alone with his girlfriend? If not, I'd talk to his mother or whoever lives with/cares for him and just say you're a little worried and ask them to keep an eye on them and make sure this is really what he wants.


He loves with him mother she cooks and cleans for him and drives him to work as I said above she is very pro-relationship and is already talking about grandkids

No. 112611

>>112530
Not everybody can handle being friends with someone they have feelings for but can't be with. That takes a very huge mental strain, especially over time, and legitimately messes with people. If he's old enough to have experienced something like this, he may be ducking out before getting to that situation. It'll be better for you too because he is going to have tension, try to keep his cool, but eventually have his insecurities or hopes get in the way of your friendship.

You did good by being upfront with him, because killing hope is the best way for him to evaluate what he wants out of you. It doesn't mean he exclusively sees you as a romantic target, but it could mean that his desire for you to be a romantic partner is strong enough to make things difficult to work out as just friends.

He should have responded with his feelings though. Leaving you without even a reply is pretty shitty for you and denies you true closure even though you gave closure to him. He's taking for granted the fact that you were mature and bold enough to be upfront about his chances.

No. 112616

>>112447
I'm dumb and gave in and apologized and asked him to be my friend. I feel awful without him and I said some kind of personal things when we fought. I still think he's wrong in a lot of ways but I don't want to end it like this. Of course he just left me on read and made sure to comment on stuff a mutual female friend has been posting.

I want to die honestly.

No. 112621

>>111581 here

So it took a couple more weeks for me to finally do it but he & I are officially broken up. I kept telling myself to give it time but I knew it was coming and Thursday he admitted to me that after blocking his ex he was still feeling extremely guilty and anxious and that day had even had a panic attack at work and almost unblocked her to send her an apology. He said he knows he needs therapy to deal with it. I basically told him that while I want to be able to support him it hurts too much that he's so stuck in the past that he can't be present with me and I feel ultimately less important than his ex.

We talked on the phone for like two hours and he was crying and telling me he's going to feel so stupid if he loses the best relationship he's ever had over this and just how sorry he is for hurting me. I left things off telling him I hope he does get the help he needs and learns to move on and that I'll be cheering for him even if I'm not able to be there for him on that journey.

Just sucks to meet someone you get along really well with and one little thing can fuck it all up. I'm heartbroken and am not looking forward to being alone again.

No. 112628

>>108662
Black Anon are you still together with Indian boy? Update plz

No. 112710

>>112611
Thanks anon.. Idk it's just, He had so many chances. I'm pissed he wasn't even able to tell me how he feels. I didn't even know he liked me that way, I just didn't want any misunderstandings about the whole "date" thing. I tried reaching out to him a few more times but he has blocked me now.. so much for 8 years of friendship

No. 112716

>>112549
>>112567
>>112578
Thanks, anons! I sat down with him and addressed my need for "me time" in a calm, respectful way. It went very well! He was totally on board. We will be spending more time apart while home together, and he will pitch in more with cooking dinner and chores.

No. 112730

please help me farmers
> friend of mine I've had a crush on for a while asks me out on a date
> I tell him I like him but not sure if I want to date because of ruining the friendship and whatnot
> he tells me not to worry and that it can be a 'trial' date just to see if we would work together and if not then it doesn't really bother him
> I agree and say if he ever gets uninterested in me to just let me know and we can get over it
> fast forward to date
> it's awful, he criticizes everything, talks over me the whole time, ignores me when I talk in favor of telling me about every girl he's fucked and his favorite moves (i wouldn't really mind because we can get a bit vulgar with our language sometimes but i expected him to hold back on our first date)
> it's not usually like this so I'm pretty shocked he's acting like this so suddenly on our first date, I'm pretty annoyed but keep trying to steer us into positive conversations just to fucking save this atrocity
> end of the date he apologizes about how weird he was being and says hes just nervous
>I forgive him and just keep moving on
>goes in for a kiss
>no
>asks if I'd want to try another date
>say yes because I want to give him the benefit of the doubt
>i've been thinking about it and not only did the date put me off our relationship, but friendship as well since he just had no regard for me the whole time
>he texts me telling me the date and time for our next date
>still haven't answered since I don't know what to say
I don't know what to do, have any of you been in this position?

No. 112733

>>112730
May be some projection, but it sounds like self-sabotage on his part. Like he subconsciously amped up his shittiness to turn you off due to fear of getting close (despite actually wanting to get close).
Do you know if he has intimacy issues?

If not perhaps he's just wildly different in relationships (thinks he can get away with more).

No. 112741

>>112730
>>112733
He does seem like he's self-sabotaging. The way I personally deal with this kinda thing is to be frank with them and talk about how their behavior is making me feel about myself and them. How he responds to my open communication attempt is my barometer, basically. If he's not showing willingness to overcome his bs then it's time to go and stay go.

If he's willing to overcome bs, then I'd probably set up some clear boundaries and see if he's respecting that stuff. If he's unable to stick to his word then he's not worth your precious time. Life is too short to invest in someone that's not interested in growth.

No. 112756

Any ideas to help my crush with the flu feel better from several hundred miles away?

No. 112783

>>112730
I went on a date like that, and it was like a job interview with me being the interviewer. oversharing about his entire sexual life history and everyone he knew. i would say he is not really interested in you and just wanted some practice dating and talking to women in that capacity (which he is clearly terrible at)

Some guys are just not romantic and treat it like a business transaction or something. I imagine if someone was extremely desperate they would be ok with interacting on that level but i don't think you should pursue that guy, just pretend it never happened

No. 112786

>>112733 >>112741
I don't think he does, because weve been friends for a while and he's seemed to have normal, healthy relationships with other girls in that time. Maybe he's just being awkward and doesn't realize how legitimately awful it was for me. Also being close friends doesn't help. I'm very much 'one of the guys' and don't mind vulgarity or 'bro-ish' conversation, but I just figured on a date that sort of stuff wouldn't be so out there.

>>112783
Yeah, maybe. I just figured out friendship would . be more important than something that could be thrown away for dating practice. I think I'll just tell him that after our 'date' I just don't see him in a romantic way and we wont work out. But breaching that subject without hurting his feelings and outwardly saying the date was shit is a hard thing to do…

No. 112788

>>112786
This site makes me cry.
Why do you date such trash? Don't you love yourself at all? What kind of abuse or neglect could lead you to put up with this sorta stuff?

No. 112790

>>112788
>This site makes me cry.
Same
This site has overall lowered my opinion on women,I mean I still hate men and my hatred is overall higher

No. 112791

>>112790
>>112788

>>anon has weird date with someone, wants opinions and a little help as to why somebody would act a way


>>"don't you love yourself AT ALL?! ugh this makes me lose hope for women"


It just barely scraped by as a date by definition and you guys are acting like she's begging for his hand in marriage…


Anyways, I briefly dated a guy like that. I asked why he would pull the "ugh, she's so hot, i'd fuck her!/I fucked her and it was so good!" card, and told me it was cute to see me get jealous. Guys who do that never consider your feelings, they have low self esteem and want to see you thrown into a tizzy over them because it makes them feel like hot shit for a second.

I don't think he was being shitty on purpose or using you as "practice", but imo he was still being shitty and maybe using you for self-gratification.

No. 112792

>>112791
This is pretty likely, especially if he knew anon likes him.
Tell him that you weren’t comfortable on your last date and would rather go back to just being friends or make up some excuse. Then tone down the friendship.

No. 112799

not in a relationship but I think this thread is fitting. Any advice on what to do when you like two people at once? I've established that I'm not looking for a relationship but I think feels are still heavily caught in both directions.

One of them is online and the other is irl/at my college. It somehow feels wrong to be interested into both of them even though I'm not committed ?
My last relationship was 5 years long so maybe I'm just thinking about this hard and it's not that deep. I mean, I feel like I should drop one of them but it's not like I want to exactly.

No. 112800

File: 1554814331597.jpeg (193.1 KB, 1423x1080, 50D2EFB0-D619-4147-B4EC-195CE0…)

How can I go about changing my BF’s fashion choices without being a controlling bitch?

His clothes are very…unflattering imo. Basically his closet is like when it’s the day before stock reload at TJmax or ross and he just chose whatever because it was cheap and on sale. He has maybe 4 tops max that he wears out and the styles and fit really age him to the point where I’m feeling a bit unattracted to him when I see other well dressed men when we’re out and about (we recently moved to an area where a majority of both men and women dress very well).

Before I met him I was in a relationship where my ex basically dictated what I could or could not wear. He would basically tell me to my face that he hated my clothes and the way I dressed (he wanted me to dress less like the trends and basically wanted me to wear leggings and revealing gym wear, something that made me uncomfortable wearing outside of a gym). I know how much it sucks to be told your clothes are shit or that your SO feels less attracted to you. I tried vaguely asking him to try stuff on while browsing the Zara menswear section, but he kept telling me “I dont need new clothes”

Is it rude to gift him new clothes that suit my taste? Is this some kind of relationship faux-pas?

No. 112801

>>112800
Being a trendy cunt isn't stylish and just following what's current if it's not flattering is weird, in the case of your ex bf. Was he just a superficial twat?

If your boyfriend really dresses poorly and is slow on the uptake gift him one or two pieces that would improve him but not too out there for him. He'll probably feel good and get interested everyone likes to feel confident.

No. 112808

>>112800
Next time you're at the shops or mall, ask if he'll try some stuff on for you "just for fun." Tell him you'll try stuff on for him too. If you operate under the guise of both of you needing new clothes instead of just him, he may go for it. Tell him how hot and attractive he looks in trendy, flattering clothes. The confidence boost should inspire him to be more mindful of his appearance.

No. 112819

>>112800
i disagree with other anons telling you to go for it. you'd prolly be pissed off if he tried to get you to dress like he wanted.

No. 112821

>>112788
I went on one date. never dated. He is a good friend and generally pretty ok looking so I thought it could go into something more but we're obviously not compatible which is a shame.
>>112791
i don't think it was a jealousy thing, either. he knows I'm not a very jealous person and that I'm pretty proud of the way I look, I was only put off because it doesn't seem like a topic fitting for the occasion… I hope he was just nervous and just said the wrong thing…. I still haven't texted him. We dont see each other in person often and I feel like its just such an uncomfortable thing to do over text. and a 'we need to talk' will be much worse. any ideas?

No. 112830

>>112800
Just be honest with him and tell him that if he dressed differently you'd be more attracted to them. If you make it clear that you'd find him hotter that should make him reconsider.

I'm actually in a similar situation as my bf has 0 fashion sense. Which I don't really care about, but he's gained quite some weight in the past few years and all his underwear is way too small. It gives him quadbutt and muffintops. I've told him to get underwear in his size but he refuses to because "I'll lose the weight and fit into them again!" and I'm not sure if I want to buy him new ones.
Besides that he looks best in buttonup shirts and jeans, but has a pesky phobia of buttons.
What do?

No. 112833

I posted this already a few days ago but my ex and I split up and I felt really awful about it. Not as bas as the first time [spoler]Yeah I know[/spoiler] but still not great. I've been feeling better the past few days but I think it's because I've been distracting myself with some fantasies of getting guys rather than my ex. I can't tell if that's a sign of moving on or if it's just a distraction from dealing with reality. There's this cute guy who works at a coffee shop that I got to all the time and I kind of want to ask him out but 1. I don't know how to seeing as though I only see him on the job and 2. I don't know if it would be bad for my mental health to try and jump into something else again.

No. 112834

>>112830
Polo shirts?

No. 112843

My current boyfriend always gets on to my hygeine and mess. With my ex we would go weeks without showering or brushing teeth and the house was always a mess and we procrasinated everything. My current bf is the complete opposite and forces me to brush my teeth every night and says I need crest strips to bleach my orange teeth and brushes my hair for me and bugs me everyday to change my underwear and take a shower and make a to do list and show him what tasks I completed everyday. Is he being creepy/overbearing?

No. 112846

>>112843
Your boyfriend sounds great, tell him to keep it up. Your teeth will fall out of your head if you don't look after them. Do you work? What kind of social or work lifestyle can be maintained without washing?

No. 112847

>>112843
He sounds like a gem

No. 112850

>>112843
You should get a therapist ASAP because he's going to get tired of being your mother real fast.

No. 112851

>>112843
It takes 66 days to make your new habit become automatic. He's trying to help you remember to brush your teeth, hygiene is important I learned it the hard way. Brushing your teeth can improve your mood, anon. It might not seem like it, but it improves the quality of your life. Your bf is doing nothing wrong.
Definitely get a daily checklist going for yourself because he probably will forget to remind you for one day.

No. 112856

>>112843
No anon, that shit is something you should be doing anyways. Good on him for trying to change you for the better instead of running because your hygiene does sound like it's in proper need of improvement.
Maybe you can create a to-do list for yourself that you do everyday to take care of yourself?

No. 112857

>>112856
lol sorry totally missed the part where you were talking about to-do lists.

No. 112914

So I’ve been daiting this guy for like two months and it’s going really well. Earlier today he reposted this girls Instagram story and it looks like his picture is her phone background. Should I be upset? I feel like if he was trying to hide anything he wouldn’t have reposted it, and I know that generally I’m probably hurt by it because I’m just inherently insecure.

No. 112917

>>112800
>Is it rude to gift him new clothes that suit my taste?
Does he feel comfortable accepting gifts from you? Would he be upset about you spending money on him? What does he really need: In what scenarios are you embarrassed about how he looks?

Those questions are for you to ask yourself. Don't dress him like his mom though, look at his lifestyle and what he normally wears, and start with nicer versions of that

>Is this some kind of relationship faux-pas?

Not unless it's made one. If he doesn't give a shit about his clothes, he may end up being resentful you because you (spent money|didn't agree with him that he's presentable|are controlling) etc.

Either way, it's a fundamental presentation issue: You care about his appearance, he doesn't. You can't force him to care about it, but you should probably underline it matters to you, and it would make you happier to help outfit him.

>>112830
>I've told him to get underwear in his size but he refuses to because "I'll lose the weight and fit into them again!" and I'm not sure if I want to buy him new ones.
Unless he's dieting right now, he's lying to himself and doesn't care.

>What do?

Buy him underwear a size up, if he gets defensive, tell him his current ones don't fit and make him look bad.

No. 112918

>>112914
Nothing wrong with asking him about it like "hey I noticed that girl has your pic as her phone background, I don't have anything to worry about right?" depending on your general dynamic it should be fine to kind of jokingly bring it up but make it clear you do actually want to know.

No. 112921

>>112917
>Unless he's dieting right now, he's lying to himself and doesn't care.
He's been "dieting" since last summer but to no avail it seems. He's succesfully lost weight in the past and used to lift, so it's not like he's clueless on how to do it. Probably just too much beer or something.
I'll buy him the underwear, was afraid of coming across too overbearing by doing that but eh, he's not the one that has to look at a muffintop all day.

No. 112925

>>112843
What the fuck, you can't take care of yourself and your bf is caring way too much about and you think he's creepy? You don't deserve him or any relationship at all tbh, you're disgusting if you don't even want to brush your teeth.

No. 112926

I don't know what's going on with my life right now. If I tell the whole story here, I know the reaction is going to be "DUMP HIM" and I honestly should, but I do have feelings for him still and without him, I have nowhere to live. No money. No phone. Nothing. He's my entire life at this point. I'm dying on the inside because I don't think he cares about me even half as much as I care about him.

No. 112927

>>112926
Are you that anon whos bf fell asleep when you were supposed to go see a movie with his friend?

No. 112947

>>112843
No you need to brush your teeth and hair every day. You should wear fresh panties each day. You could say you don't want to bleach your teeth, but you should go see a dentist because you probably have some buildup. What sort of things go on your to do lists? Do you go to school or work?

No. 112973

My boyfriend is driving me crazy. He has OCD which he takes meds for but refuses to go to therapy. He has HUGE issues with planning things because everything triggers and stresses him out. Every time I ask him to do chores around the house he waits till the last possible minute before he fucks off to play cards or video games. I tell him to do something in the morning, I come back from work in the evening and he still hasn't done it. He gets angry when I push him to deal with his stuff because I am nagging him. He does not want to accept that I would not nag him if he was doing things roughly on time. I am okay with waiting 2,3 hours but it's not okay when he waits WHOLE FUCKING DAY to do the dishes. I am so angry because guess what happens if he does not do them? I have to if I want to cook a lunch for myself to take to work.

Our lives were a lot worse before we found each other, but his tardiness is really ruining our relationship because instead of dealing with chores and then spending time together playing vidya or watching movies, we fight or make-up.

No. 112974

>>108637
I’ve never had a relationship before. So I tried tinder…. annnnnd it sucks. There’s a lot of weirdos on there. One of them I was really into but since it was the internet he felt like he could share ANYTHING during our correspondence. & it was really weird sexual stuff like how he watched hentai with lolis (some real pedophilic shit), gore, scat porn, and bestiality. When I expressed my disgust he said he only saw it as a teen but I think that was just a way to stop looking creepy to me. Oh he also smoked weed recreationally at a really young age for seven years which is just… no. He also joked about marriage and impregnating me … which I can’t tell if it’s just the truth sugar coated in jokes or just jokes. And idk I don’t think he’s up to my educational standards. I’m in graduate school and he’s a high school dropout and the grammar and punctuation and spelling in his texts make me so irritated. Also added him on discord and the guy games like 10h sessions which ain’t healthy. He also sent me weird stuff on the internet to read which I never clicked because I don’t want to read sad things like how a rapist raped children and that new zealand shooting stream. He also lied to me about not texting other girls off tinder when he so blatantly went on a date (posted it on social media thinking I wouldn’t infer).

That’s the thing why I hate tinder. People text/date multiple people at once. It’s so easy to cheat on there I think and it aggravates me a lot.

Should I meet up with this guy to hookup with? He’s hot and massive (like 7 ft) which is why I was so smitten by him and overlooked the weird creepy shit. It’s not like I can find anyone that attractive irl. I’m really bad at trying to get peoples numbers smoothly when I find someone attractive (the butterflies and anxiety and nervousness make me look like an idiot). I’m just overall bad at dating and try to run away from someone I find sexy. Like I avoid them so I don’t feel weird.

it’s kinda sad how I’m in my twenties and still a virgin but a part of me wants to find someone organically for my first… and I definitely want to do it while in a relationship and not really a hookup. But he’s soooo…. hot lol I’m dumb and need help. Share me your wisdom

No. 112985

>>112974
anon, i genuinely don’t think it’s worth losing your virginity to some random who’s just attractive to you and nothing more. i lost my virginity two years ago to my boyfriend on our third date (we were both virgins @ the time) but we had a phenomenal connection and it was genuinely an experience i look back on with a smile on my face. i have a lot of friends who also felt like losers for being virgins and lost it to random guys at clubs/hookups and look back with regret. i feel like you should at least like the personality and have a genuine connection with whoever you lose it to, you owe that to yourself. being a virgin longer than most of the people around you can feel embarrassing but it’s really not. i’d advise against sleeping with that guy but it’s your call.

No. 112990

>>112843
Your boyfriend sounds A+ but you sound like a giant mess. Please get a grip and start taking care of yourself because it's embarrassing and exhausting for your bf to be your parent.

No. 113027

>>112974
you should have ghosted him after the loli porn confession.
Normally I would say - if he's that hot and you're okay with losing your v-card to whoever - to try fwb, but this guy sounds like the worst candidate. He's your typical basement dweller, but hot. It's not a good combo, he sounds like trouble, like a guy that would secretly record you two having sex or something.
I'm not going to moralfag that you should lose it to someone special. Just someone better. Tinder isn't that awful, but your pick shouldn't be the hottest guy on there. Just be safe and take your time, and listen to your gut. You clearly already know yourself he's no good

No. 113040

>>112974
Drop this guy immediately, you've already seen the red flags, he sounds exactly like the kind to threaten you either with suicide or revenge porn when you do eventually leave or something
Everything >>113027 said

No. 113042

>>112974
If you want to hook up with a loser that faps to bestiality and plays games 10h a day just because he's hot you should do it, since you're a worthless piece of trash too.

No. 113043

I recently met a cute guy over a dating app, and he's been pretty nice and polite. He listens, we have some things in common and most of the conversation is pretty superficial but sweet.
I decided to take a chance and ask him for his number, he agreed and we still talk daily, but I'm struggling to get anything but polite conversation from him, no matter how many questions I ask.

He admits he can be pretty dense when it comes to conversation. Do anons think it's going to be like this all the time? Or do I just suck at making conversation??

No. 113045

>>113043
Some guys just genuinely have no personality. I noticed often, natural blonde guys are like this, my theory is they get treated nicer than brunette dudes so life is basically a breeze. No challenges = no personality development.

No. 113046

>>112974
He sounds like a creepy idiot, I would have stopped the conversation wayyyy earlier than you have…if you can get him online, you can get him irl, and by that I mean any fucking guy who is a bit more normal. Most guys are normalish, just because this weirdo is talking to you your brain thinks you're friends but it's legit just a weird guy on the internet. Who knows what he's hiding, too, considering the quality of content he deems acceptable to share with you

No. 113052

>>113045
Uh ok, Idk where you live but I haven't seen blonde guys getting treated like gods over dark haired guys

No. 113053

>>113045
He's actually a natural blonde! lmao But here's the thing: In most of his pics, he's either hanging out with his family or with 1-2 close friends. Do you think maybe he's just introverted?

>>113052
Yea it's weird but def a thing in some places

No. 113066

>>113043
Have you met him in person yet? Maybe he just sucks at texting.

As for the blonde guy thing.. in my experience it’s like talking to a brick wall. In my area, there’s hardly any blondes.

No. 113071

>>113043
He sounds inexperienced or guarded. If you're not already, you can try to steer conversation towards something easy, like "where do you want to go in your life?"

If he still can't manage to think deeply, then he may just be an airhead coasting on his looks

No. 113329

I’ve been friends with benefits with one of my close friends for 3.5 months now and we’ve agreed to keep things casual, but sometimes it feels like we’re dating. A couple weeks ago he asked me if I wanted to continue what we have next year (we’re freshmen in college) and I told him that I wasn’t sure, then a couple nights ago he asked me if I saw us becoming anything more in the future, and a little while after I told him I like how we are now, he asked if it was okay if he looked for other people. He told me he kinda has feelings for me but he’s fine with things staying the way they are and I told him that I kinda like him but I don’t see anything real happening between us. Truth is, I like him but because of personal issues, I’m scared of being in a relationship and letting him into my personal life, plus I don’t think my feelings are that strong. He tries so hard to be there for me (the other day he spent the whole day trying to cheer me up when I told him I was feeling depressed), tries to help me with my body image issues, tries to calm me down when I’m overthinking stupid problems, but I’m so scared of ruining what we have right now by making it serious, not to mention I always feel like I’m reading too far into this and making regular friend things out to be bigger things. Sometimes it feels like I’m holding him back and leading him on because I don’t want things to be serious, yet we’re committed to each other and not seeing other people. Is it worth risking what we have to try to push things further or should I keep things the way they are until it dies out?

No. 113330

>>113329
Just write down literally everything you feel, even the ugly stuff, and give it to him
What you're saying is that you're willing to let it all go to shit because you're paralysed by uncertainty, so you may as well let it go to shit by being honest. As things are right now you're hurting him with rejection and you're going to be hurt when he finds someone new, so it's not like you're keeping things in a good place by keeping your baggage a secret.
True friends are honest with each other

No. 113338

Does anyone here have any tips for avoiding fights with their SO and/or resolving fights quickly and in a mature way? My bf and I fight a lot and I think it's cause we're still figuring out each other's personalities/maybe we're just really different people. I really want to make things work with him (and he feels the same), and when we fight we do get pretty heated but we are never disrespectful to each other.

These days it seems like something small will happen and it will remind us of our more intense fights and we find ourselves just repeating this pattern over and over again. Any advice would be really appreciated. A little info: we've been dating for 8 months and we do not live together. (We live about 30 minutes away from each other and I usually go to his place on the weekends and spend a few days/nights there).

No. 113339

>>113338
At this point it has been so repeated that it might as well be a meme, but something that helped me a lot in my conflict with my family and people I love is to stop saying "you did that" "you said this" "you think this", and to instead say "I feel like this" "this made me feel like you think this of me", so instead of accusing them of something that might be fasle, just share what you felt and give them the option to say what they really meant or apologize if they've hurt you.

No. 113397

>>112305
Me again. I am still with my boyfriend (for now) but a new problem has come up.

Me and my bf were planning a visit together soon, as in my last post I said there were some financial tension (flip flopping between claims of saving money, and having none for the trip).

He seems to have recently gotten caught and addicted into a shopping scam. It’s one of these websites that release t shirts (stolen artwork I’m sure) for a limited time, so you “have” to buy it within that time or they never sell it again. They put new shirts up every day, I think. He’s subscribed to their twitter and checks their site everyday and keeps buying them. I’m not sure because he hasn’t told me, but I’d assume in the last week he’s spent at least $80. I keep asking him to stop checking the site, and that it’s a marketing scheme, but he doesn’t listen, and I don’t know what to do. I’m afraid he’s throwing away all our travel money and that, because of it, once I get there, I’ll be forced to pay for anything we do because he’ll be broke. I can’t cancel the trip because the tickets were over $1000 and are non refundable, so it’s not an option. At least I want to try to nip this addiction now, and then deal with it, and the rest of him, after the “vacation”.

Has anyone delt with something like this before? I don’t know what to do at this point to stop him from buying into these “limited” t shirts. If he were just buying one or two, it would be fine, but that’s not what’s happening. Last time he had a shopping issue like this I had to make him make a list of the only items he’d buy, and at what price point, before we went shopping to stop him from making impulse purchases, but I don’t think I can aggressively enforce that when I’m not with him, because he can just lie, unlike irl where I could see him making purchases and stop him. I’m at a loss.

No. 113403

File: 1555607933908.png (158.77 KB, 530x410, sunkcost.png)

>>113397
> I can’t cancel the trip because the tickets were over $1000 and are non refundable, so it’s not an option

I think the sunk cost fallacy applies to the above statement as well as your relationship in general. It's maybe not the best idea to go on a trip with someone who lies to you constantly and actively attempts to instigate conflict. Think about whether you want to stay with this man because you love him and believe that things can get better, or because you've invested three years of your life with him that you can never get back.

No. 113411

>>113397
Is there any way you can change the destination for your ticket? Maybe it would be better to give yourself a vacation rather than knowingly going into a bad situation. And maybe your SO will see it as a more immediate consequence to his issues

No. 113429

>>113397

Maybe you should just dump him and take someone who’s not dumb enough to piss away vacation money on scam shirts with you.

No. 113432

>>113397
https://theyetee.com is it this site? LOL
Man, he has got to stop somehow. I wouldn't cancel the trip over it. You guys should start a small savings thing together for the trip and try to make it seem like both of you saving at the same time. Make it a team effort!

No. 113433

>>113338
Agree in advance that when you get angry you can quietly walk away from the situation and mutually cool down alone until you’re able to talk things over calmly without one person or the other immediately pursuing and demanding a heated argument. Have been in a relationship for over a decade without a single real fight because this is what we do every time we get upset and as a result never scream and insult each other. Much better to have an understanding that you are allowed to go be alone and angry (not having to dramatically storm away and slam doors either, just going and sitting quietly) until you’re not so pissed anymore then come back and apologize and work things out reasonably. Having lots of heated fights already is a bad sign though when you don’t even live together.

No. 113434

>>113397
Is there any chance you can change your tickets or stay in his city without seeing him? Anon please imagine moving in together with this guy and maybe having a family. His behaviour would put so much stress on you because he’s a manchild. Don’t do this to yourself.

No. 113436

21 year old girl in a relationship of over 2 years with a guy. I seriously see this being a relationship for the rest of my life, I love him so much.

Sex with him is great but I always have that curiosity of just wanting to try it with a woman to see if it feels right. I've always had a thing for women sexually and despite being in a straight relationship, I still have fantasies to have sex with another woman. This has literally been a fantasy since I was a kid before I had even seen porn. I always wanted to kiss my female friends but never really acted on it except for once when I was like seven. However, now whenever I'm apart (long distance) from my SO and when I'm horny, I masturbate to thoughts of sex with another woman as opposed to thinking of my male partner.

These thoughts aren't that extreme that I'd break up with him, but even if I confessed and proposed some sort of 'fling,' I know that a fling with a woman would just be weird and fuck up our relationship afterward. I wouldn't want to see him experiment with another person myself so I don't think I should or that I have the right to either.

I honestly want to stop having these fantasies and just be horny for him. I'm very much anti-porn and don't care about other men but I can't stop thinking of women. When I try to stop thinking of women, I don't really have a way to have him 'fill' that gap because he's a guy and not really able to fill that fantasy, which is honestly very unfair to him and terrible of me to even write.

Is it possible to stay in a relationship, not act on these fantasies and repress it?

No. 113447

>>113436
you can repress it… but should you? It may make you very unhappy, possibly (or maybe you'll completely move on - who knows, humans work in mysterious ways), by resurfacing your whole life and making you doubt yourself.
I think "a fling" is always harmful to the relationship if your partner isn't this very ~progressive~ open, poly-leaning person. But a safe, "normie" thing to do, that could help you explore a bit the bi side of you, is a threesome. This way he feels more secure as he's present and active too, and it's a fantasy of many men. You know him, you know the best if he'd be willing. And if you're unsure, I think it's such a normalized fantasy he wouldn't feel betrayed by you suggesting it.

No. 113456

>>113432
Yeah, that’s the site.

>>113434
Yeah, I’m aware at this point he would be impossible to live with. As I said before, he earns more than enough to live on his own working part time- but yet he was only claiming he’d move out if he got full time. Now that he hasn’t, he’s suddenly claiming when his parents move to the area I wanted to live in, he will too… despite being against it to the point it’s caused temporary break-ups in the past. It just seems to me that he has a set amount of money he wants to be able to spend freely and unless he can keep it that way, he won’t move out. And he harps on me about MY money, because I have significantly less (like 1/4 what he does a month), but I spend my money responsibly… but he calls me irresponsible and immature and claims because I don’t earn a lot, I can’t be trusted to know about finances… lol.

No. 113479

I need some perspective for something that just happened. It’s Good Friday so most grocery stores are closed, but google likes to put those vague “might be open” hours online. Cut to an hour ago, when the boyfriend and I are in the car pulling up to the parking lot and realizing it’s closed. I could tell he was pissed off and he said “I thought you said it was open”. I replied that I did look up the hours, I checked their Facebook (it’s a local grocery store), and yeah I did get a little defensive/upset because it was my job to check if it was open. So I was going on for maybe 15-20 seconds and he SCREAMED at me “SHUT UP JUST SHUT UP!!! All I said was I thought you checked the hours and you got super fucking defensive…” So I sat quietly while we drove home, kind of shocked tbh. He’s sick with a cold right now so maybe he’s on edge but I also feel like I didn’t do anything wrong? I mean, it’s not my fault the store was closed..

No. 113490

>>113479
Is that the first time he's yelled at you like that? I would be pretty upset to be screamed at regardless but if it's a one off thing I think it can be written off as him being particularly irritable due to being sick. I might just bring it up casually, something along the lines of "Hey, I know you're sick and I got a bit defensive earlier but I felt hurt/surprised by the way you reacted." If he's a good dude I'm sure he will apologize.

No. 113500

>>113479

Yeah I wouldn't stay with someone who yelled at me like that, but that's just my opinion. If I was driving, I'd also have thrown him out of the car. It's 100% not OK for him to do that to you for such a non reason.

No. 113501

>>113500
If it's a one time thing like >>113500 suggests and they apologize after then it's not necessarily grounds to dump your long term partner. As long as it's not a regular thing.
I've snapped pretty badly on my boyfriend on my period, these things happen.

No. 113508

>>113490
That’s pretty much what happened, I told him it hurt and he said he was exhausted and cranky. Not really an apology but I’ll give him a pass because he’s sick. He’s raised his voice when we argue but it was the first time in the years we’ve been together he yelled like that when we weren’t already arguing so it freaked me out.

No. 113526

File: 1555829540125.jpg (84.94 KB, 1300x981, woman-sitting-in-chair-relaxin…)

So today I found some disgusting pedophile child prostitution hentai in my bf's torrents. It's fiction, plus I'm not 12 and I'm fully aware that most men are aroused by detestable things, but what kinda triggers me is that I'm in a situation comparable to that of the heroine and my bf is "helping me out".

Am I gonna get buttraped, /lc/? Should I nope the fuck out while I still can? He's otherwise chill, but I have a bad feeling about this. I know my post sounds like a total meme, but I'm serious. Here's the hentai btw: http://e-hentai.me/727-kimiko.html

No. 113529

>>113526
ummm mate, you've answered your own question there - pedophilic hentai? Just leave. How do you know that wont escalate into actual offenses including pornographic images/videos of real children? Or that it hasn't gotten to that point already? I'd nope out of there so fast and cut off all contact. real or not, that's fucking abhorrent.

No. 113535

>>113501
>It's not a regular thing I swear, these things happen, don't dump your partner for something I also do

No. 113537

File: 1555850633518.jpeg (16.7 KB, 220x276, 615E2976-458A-4573-8B43-A69E68…)

What's your best strategy to stop being infatuated with a stupid moid?

He invited me out to drink, we had fun conversation (in my eyes) and he really got me to open up which I haven't in a long time, but I also made a fool of myself in the end and he isn't exactly enthusiastic about replying on social media at the moment… 99% sure he doesn't give a fuck lmao. But I'm pining for him, so much. I think he's out of my league as well, he's friends with a bunch of hot girls. I'm like a 4/10.

Anyway, bunch of red flags: he had a tinder phase and apparently slept with like 30 girls (yet disclosed this to me while clearly being ashamed of his past, does that mean he cares what I think?), might be manipulative in the way he digs deep into personal issues to seem empathetic, has been on 4chan, and seems to really like weed and drinking. I know this is normal for most men but I'm a mild autie so I'm fucked when it comes to navigating dating men. Being ugly and desperate doesn't exactly help, either…

I'm happy being single and all, but I'm crushing hard and get a bit obsessive.

No. 113541

>>113526
>New from popular author Yosino under the name "Kimiko" is a spin-off to the Granddaughter of one of his early works. Little Kimiko in a difficult situation, a lot of debt and nothing to eat. So she is forced to take prostitution. This story is about a poor and unfortunate girl Kimiko.

i was picturing stylized 2d manga or anime from what you wrote, and was going to tell you to run, but this realistic looking 3d shit is so much worse than what i imagined. this is genuinely sick. it's supposed to look as much like a real child as possible. you don't deserve to be in a relationship with this pedophile anon. do not pass go, do not collect $200, just leave.

No. 113544

>>113526
1 in 100 men are pedos anon, not all. Don't put up with bullshit because it's ~expected.~ I feel like this is the dark side to absolute man hate.
Get out of there.

No. 113548

>>113526
holy shit please leave. This man is a liability.

No. 113549

>>112282

Apologies in advance for length. hope this doesn’t turn out too convoluted. currently in a long-distance relationship with a guy who i met while gaming. We started talking on WhatsApp in October. at the time he sent a few pictures and videos of him hanging out with a girl who he said was a friend of his. at the time I didn’t inquire about her further. in mid-December we have a talk about our feeling towards one another, I said I felt I was developing feelings for him and he said he had already been liking me for a while now. and we begin entertaining the idea of meeting in person. mind you we had been talking a lot, everyday. I learn a bit about his previous ex, who he describes as being his worst relationship experience because of her cheating and physical violence, and they had broken up two years ago.

In December, he disappears for a day or so. when he re-appears he says it was a problem with his ex. a friend of his discovered her on an escorting site. he was really upset by the fact that someone he used to love was now an escort, going as far as trying to talk her out of it (he learned it was her own choice to do it btw). he even links me her escort ad, even the it's only pictures from the lower half of her face I begin to really suspect that it is the same girl in the pictures and videos he sent me earlier on when we began talking. after he explains this he goes offline for another day or so.

I was upset by him having to go offline and be upset about his ex going into escorting. I tell him that I felt like she became his first priority and I didn’t want to be a second choice, to which he responds that I am actually his first choice, and while he was upset that someone he used to love was selling her body he was over their relationship and moving on. We kind of move past this event and continue talking as before. At one point I ask him if the girl in the pics/video he sent me early on were his ex, to which he denies. I don’t believe him but I look past it, figuring at some point later on I can bring it up again.

Moving on to January, we finally meet in person and got to stay together for nine days which was a really nice visit and we mutually felt closer and like it just confirmed we had as much chemistry in person. A couple weeks after returning home I noticed something on Instagram. I had just followed him at the end of the visit, although he had zero posts and only followed like 10 profiles. One of those profiles showed up in my explore page, I thought nothing at first because it was dedicated to someone’s GTA online avatar, but when I went to the profile itself I looked at the bio and noticed the name of the account holder was the same as the ex I heard so much about. I saw a link to a personal page and while it was private, the profile photo matched up with the pictures I saw on the escort page and ofc the pics he sent of him and his friend who he denied being the same girl.

So I ask him if he’s following his ex on Instagram, he says no, I press again and he just denies it. Finally I point to the personal profile being linked in the bio, showing that it was indeed her. At this point he says “next time I just don’t show you anything its simple” and proceeds to delete his account.

So it has been some time since that event, I just recently visited him again and while it was a good experience, we only had one issue that involved him locking himself in a room to eat alone for a few minutes (that I posted about here >>112282) According to him he just was starving and wanted to eat like a savage alone. I said he could have just communicated that, to which his response was my reaction would have been dramatic…so knowing this guy might not tell me certain things cuz of how I react doesn’t really make me feel good. I really like this guy and want things to work but communication is kind of the biggest concern and I am not really liking how he has handled it. I am considering bringing all of this up and if this is a relationship I wanna stay in or not

No. 113550

>>113537
The getting personal/digging into your personal life/pushing past boundaries is absolutely manipulative and is one of the reasons your are fixated on him right now. Your mind goes through some trauma when boundaries are pushed, but if nothing bad happens it creates a mild trauma-bond with the person who pushed the boundary. meanwhile that person didn't bond with you at all.
Bragging about sleeping with 30 women is not a good sign. It suggests he does not have a particularly healthy view of women.

No. 113551

>>113550
Thanks for the thought-out reply. You're right, it's most likely a sneaky way to make others find you important. I have big problems with oversharing, especially when drunk, and fall into trouble due to this.

What can I do, when I lack close friends to vent to? Would keeping a diary help? I honestly would benefit from therapy but it's so expensive and tedious.

No. 113552

>>113549
The additional context makes this like a mystery novel. Though unfortunately I think the secret is he was furiously wanking to pictures of his ex while he was "eating alone". He seems to have a few mental issues relating to her. Maybe because she started escorting it dashed his hopes of a reconciliation. Bearing in mind men are possessive over their partners. I'm not sure quite what is going on, but having secret Instagram accounts, obsessing over exes and admitting he'd rather keep secrets than face a reaction are all not-good things.
What do you like about him?

No. 113553

>>113551
Online blogging, or writing out what you want to say in a text file I find quite useful in understanding what my feelings are or pinpointing problems. Also reading about other people who have gone through similar things (lolcow is good for that). I don't think oversharing is necessarily a problem, I am the same. A lot of people just lack the personality traits required to really listen or help.

No. 113554

>>113553
Hey, that's primarily what I use lolcow for. Migrated from 4chan due to the disgusting moid culture and petty tfwnogf whining. I have seen a lot of similar stories here and it's made me feel better.

I just feel incredible amounts of shame when I do overshare, but maybe it's me analyzing the people I overshare at's actions when they don't really think about it later at all. Let's hope. I'm very afraid of getting exposed/laughed at/manipulated again.

No. 113555

>>113552

He is sweet, makes me laugh, shares common interests with me, affectionate, supportive of me in my endeavors, fun to be around whether we are talking about whatever or sitting in silence. It also helps that I think he is very handsome. He makes me happy. It's just the ex and communication stuff that make me wary of what I'm getting into

No. 113558

>>113555

Those attributes are great and all, but communication is still key for a successful relationship. You definitely need to get him to communicate. If he refuses, I'd advise you not to pursue him further, as he seems to have lied to you and is obviously keeping secret.

No. 113562

>>113558

Thanks for your response anon. Any advice on how I could start this convo tactfully? Especially because nothing particularly bad has happened between us recently but the communication issues are on my mind a lot.

No. 113586

>>113549
Not everyone is the same anon, but this seems like a red flag to me. I have had partners before who were a little too "check-up"-y on their ex. From my experience it always means lingering feelings, and they've always put the ex, and their feelings/potential feelings (even if they're entirely out of the picture) before me. The fact his solution is to not show anything anymore, and delete accounts, rather than stop the behaviors, tells me it's no good. I would leave.

No. 113589

>>113548
>>113544
>>113541
>>113529
Brought it up to the dude, he says that he just indiscriminately downloads hentai without looking at the premise. Said he's gonna show me all his stuff right now if I want.

Still run, y/n?

No. 113590

>>113589
i think that sounds okay. sometimes they put them out in batch files. especially if they came out at the same convention (for instance comiket)

No. 113591

>>113589
I'd still err on the side of caution tbh. That can happen, but maybe just be wary. It's easy for that to happen as he says, but it's also easy to lie about it. Go with your gut anon.

No. 113592

>>113549
He sounds fucked up and he won't stop lying, it's obvious he wants his ex back and doesn't know how relationships work. Run.

No. 113602

>>113592
>>113586
>>113558

Talked to him earlier and he swears up and down that he doesn't want to get back together with his ex. He got frustrated
with me talking about her and said she was a small detail when we have other more pressing topics like communication and our future together etc. And regarding communication he explained that he has gotten used to living alone and not having to ask for things, and he doesn't just share or say some things because "it's either you get it or you don't". Not very reassuring

No. 113643

>>113602

As he seems to have said himself, communication is an important topic and he doesn't communicate at all. He should respect you and consider your worries valid, "it's either you get it or you don't" isn't how stable communication in a serious partnership works. He doesn't seem to be a genuine person. Also, damn, he obviously lied to you… I don't know how to go on from there either though. I would say he has to open up or you will have to leave since this issue and his inability to communicate will not just magically vanish but go on like a red thread during your continued relationship.

No. 113658

>>113602
>she was a small detail when we have other more pressing topics like communication and our future together
Sounds like gaslighting tbh, he's making it seem like you're worrying about something insignificant when it's obviously not, and then trying to change the topic. People don't worry about their partner's ex for no reason.
And he's just giving nonsense excuses for why his communication sucks, a lot of people live alone before getting in a relationship, that doesn't mean you suddenly won't ask for things.
He's a liar and he would rather hide things than communicate, people like that don't easily change.

No. 113687

I found out I'm pregnant, I'm not sure how long but I think I'm in the first trimester. I'm scared and I dont know if I should do surgical or medical abortion. From reading anecdotes, medical abortion is extremely painful and bleeding/cramps can last for weeks. But surgical abortion can leave scars in the uterus and they dilate the cervix which can cause pregnancy compilations in the future but the pain is 5 minutes. Please help me decide.

No. 113688

>>113687

Do you want children in the future?

No. 113689

>>113688
I do, but I'm only 19, no money, no way I could support a kid now.

No. 113691

>>113687
Surgical. Medical abortions have complications more often.

No. 113695

>>113687
You should decide this for yourself or at least ask somewhere else that's not a site full of crazy ppl

Also did you tell the father? Is abortion legal where you live?

No. 113696

>>108637
I'm 24 and my 30yo bf and I are mostly compatible, but there's this one huge problem- he's not sure if he wants any children in the future, while I know for sure that I want 2 or more (and I want to start having them before I'm 30). We have been official for 4 months now and I found this out 2-3 months ago. At first he told me he would be annoyed if I keep bringing it up, but 2 wks ago I broke down and said that it was really weighing heavily on me. He knows it's a deal-breaker for me and that I won't wait forever. During this breakdown, he says that he has been thinking about what it would be like having kids more often, but is STILL unsure. He says he is 'not closed' to the idea but needs more time to decide… he is concerned about money, 'if he can get enough time for himself,' if he can provide the kids a good life, isn't sure he can handle a disabled child or what he would do if he became disabled himself. I think he sensed that I was thinking of breaking up during this chat so he told me we would 'keep having conversations about it.' So after a few days I told him I couldn't stop being sad about it, he told me to stop being sad and to just 'keep trying to show the positives of having children.' Why is it my job to teach him or convince him that having them is a good thing? It's hard for me to put all of my heart into this relationship and be excited about it because we don't share a similar vision for the future :( I'm trying to give him more time to make up his mind but I wonder if it's futile. I mean his attitude is that he would need to have one child first in order to see if he would like having more, but I would be resentful if he wouldn't let me have more than one.

No. 113699

>>113696
>Why is it my job to teach him or convince him that having them is a good thing?
It's not. The man's 30, he knows by now whether he wants kids.

At the moment, he very obviously doesn't value children and would be doing it for you. The hangups he's exhibiting should be a huge giant fucking red flag that your values aren't aligned.. If you wanted kids, you don't have your partner try to "convince you" of it

No. 113700

I'm so glad I got nice messages year ago here when questioning my then relationship, like I knew all he was doing to me too well. Now I don't suffer from panic attacks anymore, even if i have depression left. I still see ex occasionally posting sad stuff but I don't wanna get mixed up in it anymore to try and help him.
I even got to meet new people and potential new boyfriend. I got too easily impressed when the new guy noticed one day that I wasn't feeling okay, since my ex never even asked if I was alright, no matter what(and everything was always my fault lol).
I do still have little doubts left after my ex but maybe I'll get better soon. I hope you guys can also find some comfort from here to whatever is troubling

No. 113701

>>113687
>medical abortion is extremely painful and bleeding/cramps can last for week
Not true.
>surgical abortion isn't painful and lasts 5 minutes
Dreadfully wrong.

Take it from someone who's had to do both: The pill abortion is much easier and way less painful. it was like a heavy period and my bleeding went away like a normal period would have.
A surgical abortion is very painful even with IV sedation. If you think pap tests are bad, wait until you've got a suction scraping out your uterus. And by the way, cervix dilation hurts worse than regular period cramping, and I assure you it will last longer than 5 minutes as will the actual procedure itself.

Someone ignorant tried to troll you. Sorry.

Not that you necessarily get a choice. Past a certain gestation you will be forced to undergo a surgical abortion.

No. 113710

>>113696
You've only been going out for 4 months and you are having breakdowns because he doesn't want kids? Seems a little soon to be this serious anon.

No. 113712

>>113696
Also the fact he is humoring this conversation (4 months in) just seems like he's trying to keep you sweet to keep the relationship going, even though it is objectively crazy to be rushing into baby talk with a guy you've been dating for four months.

Is this relationship super intense and hard work and it feels like you've been dating for years? That's a good sign it isn't going to last. Intense things can't last. You don't know him well enough to be discussing this so seriously.

Also you are 24. I can understand being in a bit of a hurry at 42, but you can be seeded by literally any man on the planet at this point. Do you even want a relationship at all, or just a baby?

No. 113715

I had a medical abortion at 9.5 weeks, it was relatively painless, just a lot of waiting around, until the few minutes before the fetus was expelled out - that was pretty painful - and I bled for like two weeks afterwards.

Wouldn't argue that this is a reason not to have the medical abortion but please please talk extensively with your medical practitioner about all your options - don't get advice on this site.

No. 113746

>>113710
>>113712
nta but i think its perfectly reasonable to have this conversation, even this early on. i really want children too and id prefer to not waste several years, or even months of my life with someone who doesnt want the same, whos just stringing me along with empty vague promises.

but otherwise i agree with >>113712 based on what op said i dont think this relationship is going to last long either.

No. 113756

>>113712
It's not that I definitely want children with him, I don't know him that well since it hasn't been very long, I just want to know that I'm not wasting my time getting emotionally involved with someone who might not want the same things. We are also LDR and about to close the distance, he wanted me to move in with him and I was also keen on the idea until I found out how he feels about kids. I'm still moving to his state one way or another for school but it's hard for me to feel excited about the relationship. I'm not sure if it's because of the kids thing, because of the distance or he's just not the one… We get along well but I feel like there should be more spark being in the early stages.. Anyways I'm not in a hurry to have kids, I need at least 2-3 years to get my masters degree and start my teaching career so I do NOT want to get pregnant during that time, I just want to have the first kid by 30

No. 113758

>>113712
>even though it is objectively crazy to be rushing into baby talk with a guy you've been dating for four months.
That is some childish nonsense. There is no compromising on children, a couple have to be on the same page and if they never will be it's better to figure it out early.

No. 113761

File: 1556159847094.jpg (42.1 KB, 640x632, 2a14188e40f77b2de32f1269155045…)

I need some help. One of the guys I've been talking to online confessed the other day he has feelings for me and I had no idea. However, he lives on the other side of the world in Australia and we will most likely never ever meet in person. During his confession, he even admitted to me that he knows we can't make it work because lolonline and because of the distance but he said he just needed to be honest about his feelings with me. I agreed and told him that if he wasn't so far away, I would definitely give him a shot and it was pretty awkward for the rest of the night. I thought we were both understanding that nothing could really be done about it and that was that, we'd still be friends right?

Next day comes and he tells me he doesn't know if he can be friends with me anymore. I was pissed off, but I didn't snap at him for it. Maybe I sound like a retard but can one of you girls PLEASE explain this thinking to me? I would get it if I was his ex, but I never asked for this. I don't get this type of thought process where because you love me, you can't be friends with me. It's not even like I turned him down or belittled him, and he knew; he said it himself that he knew a romantic relationship between us would be impossible. I never asked for him to confess his feelings and then stop being friends with me. If he wants to leave me that means he didn't really love me anyway, right? How could he let me go? I don't quite understand what he's thinking. Am I being insensitive and stupid or what? Let me know!
I wondered if he was just infatuated but he has said he doesn't just develop feelings for a girl randomly. He told me he has had girls interested in him but he had to turn them down because he couldn't return the same feelings. I still don't know the exact reasons why he claims to love me as I didn't ask and don't think it's my place to know.

Regardless, I told him if we lost our friendship, it would hurt me and I would miss him. He said he would continue being friends with me then. But am I hurting him by wanting him to still be friends with me and is it bad for him to still talk to me? He's the best man I've ever met and is the only one who doesn't act like an utter asshole. I really don't want to lose him. What should I say to him? What do I do? Do I have to give him space, let him go entirely? I'm so sick of people I love leaving my life.

And I know some anon will respond to this saying, "Get over it its just the internet it's not real." lol..but I care for the person behind the screen.

No. 113764

>>113761
I know it sucks but I think you should respect his decision. If he feels that talking to you isn't good for him because of his feelings, you should respect them and give him space. If you insist on staying in contact with him when he knows it isn't good for him, it'll probably destroy your friendship with him.

No. 113791

File: 1556230895589.jpg (85.85 KB, 500x375, 1495360786581.jpg)

>>113761
As someone who's been on the other side of the coin, it's really painful to sustain contact with someone you have feelings for that you know you can't consummate. It's a constant balance of wanting to be there for the person you care about as a friend but then trying to keep your emotions in check, accepting the fact that they're not yours, that they're available to other people, and when something happens it's a struggle to work through the jealousy, insecurity, etc. The contact itself could be enough to sustain these romantic feelings he has and they can devolve to something toxic and harmful.

I'm sure he's thought about this a lot and came to the conclusion that this is the best way to go about this. In my opinion, not everyone is capable of maintaining a friendship (especially like it was before) in these circumstances. It's possible, but it takes some super-human level of character to do. Ultimately, I think you should respect his decision, but I must ask: Are you sure there's nothing that can be done about the distance? If you have the time and the money, it should definitely be worth considering.

No. 113797

>>113761
>he knows we can't make it work because lolonline and because of the distance but he said he just needed to be honest about his feelings with me
I'm just going to say that it's extremely difficult and expensive, but it's doable if you work hard and are patient. You sound young.

>But am I hurting him by wanting him to still be friends with me and is it bad for him to still talk to me?

It's not impossible to get over an LDR crush. It'll hurt him for a while, and he probably won't get over you until you two fall out of touch. His feelings for you will be in the back of his mind for a long time, months or years.

>If he wants to leave me that means he didn't really love me anyway, right?

No, it means that it's painful for him to be around you because of his feelings, and because neither of you want to realize them (or begin e-dating). That doesn't mean he cares less for you.

>I really don't want to lose him. What should I say to him? What do I do? Do I have to give him space, let him go entirely?

Stop being selfish and making him feel guilty. If you cared for him, you'd try to understand how painful unrealized feelings can be. Don't pressure him to continue your friendship if it hurts him.

No. 113809

File: 1556270993879.jpg (16.19 KB, 329x406, stf.jpg)

Can i complain about my friends retarded ldr? It's so stupid that i just give up.
He is a depressed guy who is also pitying himself all the time (keeps whining how theres nothing to do at all, etc meanwhile if he actually tried to put some effort he would have done something, idk.
But thing is,that he always tries to copy w/ his depression in the most retarded way possible:by replacing it with people. He keeps dating the same problematic, depressed-wannabe e-girls who r in fact attention seekers, but the latest one keeps making me feel so damn mad. A summary:
-She has (now had) a discord server that was full of fake ~uwu wholesome~ people whom whiteknighter her all the time. In the end turns out that they all talked shit behind her back because of how snowflake-y she is.
-Is controling on a stupid level. Kept trying to make him delete n-amount of his friends, people etc, any kind (even if she just doesnt like their nickname). Recently went so mental that told hi mto not talk to any girl, esp me, since i am his (! taken, been friends for years now) bestfriend who is, oh no, a girl. Also everytime theres a girl around she starts being passive-aggressive towards her, thinking its competition etc. 'not like the other girls'.
-He hates that he always ends up getting involved in any fucking drama because of her, all the fucking time. They happen so fucking often LOL. Any damn nitpick/etc.
-Theyve been 'breaking up' 4-5 times for the past 3 months, but he always comes back to her, pretending he has an amnesia, while also saying 'uwu we talked it all out! we r perfect now'
…Yet he always cries on vc/text, every fucking where abou thow bad everything is. I know him, and this relationship is going to just fucking destroy him because she is such a manipulative, victim-card cunt.

I worry about this dumb child so much, but at the same time I know that there's nothing i can do about his shitty choices anymore. this time, he put himself in a damn trap and i am so sick of it idk what to do. But i feel like i should just leave him be for half of a year or even a damn year till he breaks up w this flake. I hope they'll break up anytime soon, but i know they wont because she always manipulates the fuck out of him, knowing that he is too dumbly kind.

No. 113811

I have this friend who is god damn wholesome. I just hate this guy Kiyoshi.That she keeps talking to. They been on and off. The dude is controlling and ass shit pig. He is hell of ugly. But my friend finds him “hot” and “adores” the jerk.
My friend and “nasty shit” him did try to start over from what I saw. For a while things did seem okay and I saw more of her laughter and smiles. Then that break down happened she forgot to delete something or whatever it was that made her upset. And yes it is related to whatever the jerk face did or say. Then as if god answered my prayer they broke up. My friend is not well though, she really loves that dude, despite how he treated her. From what she told me that it was her fault to. I want her happy, don’t want her with him again.
Kiyoshi is a fat motherfucker and god damn ugly pig. If he wants her again he better fucking change! Not make her feel insecure

No. 113814

I feel like I do a lot more around the house than my bf. So I asked if we can make a chores list so we can divide up responsibility (yknow like adults do) he gets grumpy and say I'm being too strict. Says he does do stuff 'oh but I did the laundry (took him 3 days to do it all cause he'd just play games and forget about them in the washer) and I kept an eye on the food (that I began cooking but had work so he had to take over)'. These are both things I asked him to do. He asked what have I done for the house this week? I'll be honest here and I snapped I said "I've been in bed wishing I could kill myself so I haven't had time to do chores" and he said I was being mean for saying that (I agree but I'm having bad mental issues atm so I have been slacking) .
If I don't ask him to do something he won't just do it like me, he doesn't see a messy room and think oh I should clean it up. So am I being strict by wanting a list and specific days to do chores? (for context he's 4 years older than me too. I'm 21)

No. 113818

>>113814
You both didn’t handle that argument very well. However, maybe you can at first just draw up a list and whenever you do a chore you put a sticker or a dot or whatever next to the chore and he does this as well so he can actually see how much there is to do and how much you do each. Then when he hopefully sees the error of his ways, draw up a plan. You’re not being too controlling for not wanting to live in a dump.

No. 113830

>>113809
There's nothing you can do for a person who doesn't want to help themselves.

If you're fed up with him, cut him out of your life or at least stop humoring him with a shoulder to cry on. A person doesn't need to be abusive to be toxic to you; if you find yourself tired of interactions with him, then he's not being a good friend. If you still want to care for him, tell him what you've told us, and he'll show you what type of person he really is

No. 113841

>>113814
I don't think you are being unreasonable. I am in a similar situation and it's really aggravating that a grown adult can't pick up after himself and behave like a civilized person. I always have to ask him to do things and it makes me feel like a nag. I think I might make a chore list like you are planning to do. Anything to stop the fighting, I'm tired of feeling like the bad guy for not wanting to pick up his clothes and dishes all over the house everyday.

No. 113855

I want to cheat on my boyfriend. And I know that's fucking awful, and nothing I continue with is a justification, but I don't want to want to:

A few months ago we lived together. Now we're miles apart, see each other a couple days a month, and I've just accepted a 3-year job. It's a really big step for me, and it's a big dream of mine, but realistically I know I can't ask him to move his life closer to mine. So that's that. We won't live together for another 3 years, if we even make it that far.

Every day is so difficult. And I really wish I had someone closer. It's also tough because I recently recovered from an illness that's jumpstarted my hormones and sex drive, something I didn't have throughout my teens, and I want to explore that, but I also love him so much that what I really want is just us to be closer. We were long-distance when we first got together but things were different then, the plan was for me to move in with him when we were ready, and we did that, but finances and me being isolated from everyone I know made it too difficult and I moved back in with my parents for a while. Then the plan was for me to get back on my feet and us to maybe look at houses somewhere middle-ground, but that plan is now on hold for 3 years. It's the best job offer I've had in a long time and will actually lead into something bigger and better suited to me than 'store manager', and I don't want to give that up, but I lack the emotional and sexual fulfillment of my relationship (inb4 'try sexting' or whatever: honestly, his sexting game is so weak), and I don't want to break up with him.

I'm not even asking for advice here I just want to ramble since obviously it's not like I can talk to anyone about this. I know I shouldn't cheat on him. But I can't stop thinking about just downloading tinder and having some casual flings or having someone develop feelings for me that isn't a 6 hour drive away.

No. 113887

>>113855

I don't have much more to say other than I understand anon. I really do. I hope things work out one way or another.

No. 113897

how do anons deal with deveolping sort of platonic feelings with new people or some friends? I'm very happy with my 7 year old relationship but sometimes (even with other partners) i kinda crave the sensation of having a "crush". most of the time isn't anything sexual but i really want to go to dates or simply enjoying a more deeper relation, like, why we can't have more and more love?

No. 113898

how do anons deal with deveolping sort of platonic feelings with new people or some friends? I'm very happy with my 7 year old relationship but sometimes (even with other partners) i kinda crave the sensation of having a "crush". most of the time isn't anything sexual but i really want to go to dates or simply enjoying a more deeper relation, like, why we can't have more and more love?

No. 113903

>>113890

That sucks, anon. But I get you.
I know it's hard, but honestly, fuck them. They sound like a bunch of petty dumb bitches.

Focus on your real friends and your relationship. If their relationships don't work out I doubt they'll even remain friends.

You do you. I would honestly just ignore all of their social media shit. If they want to talk to you they can text you or talk to you directly.

No. 113916

Hey farmers.
I got into my s/o's friend circle and I've got one huge problem with one of his friends who appears to be a female. The thing is, that we are same age, got similar interests but she is one huge snowflake who thinks that she should be the only uwu special person. Has a fucking ton of whiteknights, always pretends to be an angel on twitter/towards WKs. One huge attention uwu-i'm-so-fragile person whom doesnt respect anyones opinion about literally anything, even little things such as food/etc (example: u dont like apples? she starts raging on you).She would start attacking/etc while trying to boost her ego. But the thing is, that she has been doing all of the passive-aggressive comments about me and my own opinion all the fucking time because our first ever interaction turned into a fight (as soon as she started being aggro and called me a stupid bitch, i stopped talking bcz idc) that was one huge misunderstanding. She is a huge tumblrino SJW who disrepsects everyone who doesnt have her opinion. After that she has been always acting passive-ag towards me, mean etc, making stupid comments while also stupidly trying to pretend to be an 'uwu! im so qt!' person on a retarded lvl for attention. Also a huge Ariana Grande fan, and thinks she can get away with her shitty behaviour and hypocritical bs just like Ariana does 'coz Ariana is so uwu smol. Girl herself is a basic chinese girl w/ a midget height who thinks she is some hot shit. Dropped out of highschool by herself because she thinks that internet>education. Keep throwing that shit whenever she has to throw a victim card. Or, she just starts pretending to be all soft and fragile. Is really toxic towards other females if they get more attention than her, etc. Or if they, oh god, appear to have something in common! Because she has to be _the only one_. Never supports me in anything, even if its something that we have in common, for example i tell that i got masters while being Mercy OTP (yes, thats gay) in Overwatch. She ignores it and when i ask her why she wouldnt say anything, she says 'xd idk how to react ?_?'. I am really tired of feeling uncomfortable around her, especially on discord server. She is a mod in a discord serve that has a plenty of her WKs, and alot of people seem to like me but everytime she joins a convo i start feeling uncomfortable, praying for her to leave ASAP. I swear, i have talked to her about everything, explained, gave solutions on what to do etc. But all she did was ignored my message. The only positive thing from her that I can hear is only 'uwu you are meeting your s/o again! owo'. I swear I am so sick of it.

No. 113917

>>113916

sage for doubleposting, but i wanted to add a detail for overwatch thing: she is gold in OW at best, and everytime i am doing better than her i can feel how much she wants to nitpick over me etc, which she does whenever possible. ffs

No. 113918

>>113916
You both sound really intolerable and in need of some serious maturing tbh. I mean really, who cares which one of you is better at video games?

More on-topic: why do you have to interact with this girl? Especially as it seems like you guys only communicate over discord. Even if she's friends with your s/o and he likes her, doesn't mean you have to have the same friends. Just tell her you aren't really compatible people if you feel you have to say something and stop trying so hard. Stubborn people don't change and if you can't handle her just stop trying. Tell your s/o you respect his friends but you just don't get on with this particular one no matter how hard you try.

No. 113919

>>113918
I've been doing everything that you mentioned, yet she always ended up being salty over it and kept bothering him, asking, why 'uwu she doesnt pay attention' etc. I didnt mean that 'omg, i am better than u at videogames!! ' way. I meant that she is that type of a person who is jealous towards any other females acomplishment and is salty whenever people are better than her in any way. I swear, i kept trying to be friends with her, i never acted angry towards her, but she is still trying to be a terrible nitpick. And the thing is, that its not just my s/o cirlcle, a plenty of my good friends are talking to her so i end up seeing her everywhere which is annoying.

No. 113921

>>113916
you sound about 14 and toxic yourself.
Do some introspective thinking because you need it.

No. 113925

>>113916
Are you ok? Stop being so jealous of your s/o's female friends and get a life. There's no way you aren't underage.

No. 113930

I'm in desperate need of advice. I hope this isn't too long.

>Boyfriend and I talk extensively about everything we want in life before starting our relationship - turns out we're on the same page so we decide to be with each other

>We've been friends for 5 years, in a relationship for 3 years
>Both our dream jobs require extensive education and training as well as doctorates
>I'm putting in the work to reach my goals
>He is not (not showing up to school etc.)
>I'm starting to get nervous that he won't be able to graduate at this rate - his teacher (whom I'm really close with) confirms this privately
>He's adamant that he'll graduate, no problem - doesn't want a Plan B
>When confronted (by family/me) with the fact that he's not going to school get's angry, then breaks down crying and promises he'll go now (this happened several times)
>Blames it on being bullied in High School (according to him the same reason he's obese and graduated with poor grades)
>Has been going to school regularly for a few weeks now but has been late to class and/or left early a few times already

So here's the thing, and I need this to be said:
I do really love him, I like what we have. He's really cute and warm, and whenever he talks about me with friends they tell me that he's so in love with me and constantly saying all of these sweet things about me. He's pretty much the boyfriend I've always dreamed of, apart from a few things that I can absolutely do without.
But I do have my own goals and ambitions and while I am willing to compromise, I'm not willing to give them up because of a reason like him being too lazy to put in the work we agreed upon. And it's not like I'm asking him to study something he doesn't want to study, he always talks about his dream job as being his passion in life, etc.
He wants that job, but he doesn't want to do the things that come before that, so at this point, I'm doubting that he'll ever get there


What I need advise on is this:
I KNOW to never ever try and change someone you're with because it's a lost cause and not fair towards them, to begin with.
I don't know how to help him. Because we had 'the talk' about him needing to work for his dreams a thousand times and each time it's this dramatic moment when he's sitting there crying and I think "he's finally got it now, he understands."

But it seems like it still hasn't registered properly because he constantly relapses into old behaviors. Different people have tried different approaches, at first we've all left him to do things at his own pace, then his dad pretty much started trying to scare him into making an effort, his mom is guilt tripping and crying and I have been trying the 'sit him down and talk calmly' approach (to be completely honest I didn't always manage to stay calm, I did end up in tears a few time because this has been very stressful to me so far and slowly losing hope has been hell). He's constantly saying that he needs that - to be kicked in the butt by everyone, to be guilt-tripped and yelled at.

But I'm not seeing any results. If you leave him be he's not doing anything, if you talk it out he's not doing anything - what else is there to do? I want to help him, not just for the sake of staying together. At this point, I am thinking about leaving, but even then I don't want him to sit here and rot, I want him to eventually do the thing he loves and is good at. I just don't know how, and if. He not willing to consider professional help, psychotherapy.

His family has been telling him that he'll lose me if he goes on like this for a year or two, and I've always denied it because I love him more than I've ever loved anyone and truly didn't want to leave him, ever.
But for the past few days, I can't stop thinking about it, really considering it for the first time because I'm tired of feeling stressed all the time. I'm exhausted. And I know that if I was an outsider I'd tell myself to stop trying to change him, that it's impossible and not my responsibility. But I'm not, I'm emotionally invested and even though I know those things myjudgement is as clouded as it gets.

Earlier today we had this nice moment where we were laughing together and I thought "I'd forgotten that it could be like this."

I never thought I'd ever end up like that.

No. 113931

File: 1556476339171.gif (806.85 KB, 800x447, 07CE43CA-8C3D-46E0-BD5A-F571E2…)

My ex keeps liking and commenting on my families fb posts.
We broke up 3 months ago, and i told him we should keep our distance(deleted him om fb) and not talk again, he was abusive and our relationship was toxic. Now, he is liking my families posts and pictures on fb, and he barely knows them, WHY is he doing that? I would understand if he knew them well and they had long conversations but we dated for a less than a year and i lived in a different country than my family for most of the duration of our relationship.
Thoughts?

No. 113936

>>113930
As the old saying goes, actions speak louder than words can express. If he truly wants to continue a life with you he either shows up to school so he can get the job he wants later on or develop a plan B. The fact every time you confront him he gets angry and cries for something very simple, not showing up to class, means he isn't fully committed. I know tons of people who had to find out themselves furthering education wasn't fit for them so that's why I suggest he come up with a plan B. If he gets a job now, he can save up and go to schooling when he mentally feels ready. Maybe his dream job will have to wait, but it's still something he can work towards on the side.

No. 113950

>>113930
Are you sure he doesn't have any physical or mental issues (or both) which are preventing him attending school? I have been in his shoes, however much you want to do something the body isn't up to it. He definitely needs to think of a backup plan like the other anon said. A less intensive course, maybe something he can do from home, a different job or career. It sounds like you and his parents have put a lot of well meaning pressure on him. As someone who has been in his shoes, please give him a chance. There are so many terrible men out there. His only apparent fault is not being able to fully show up and study. He might need a change of direction, but I suspect you are not too experienced with men if you think this is a dumpable offense. He needs to realise that sometimes wanting to do something isn't enough. He can only do what his body is capable of.

No. 113952

>>113931
He's 100% doing it so his name pops up in your feed.

No. 113958

>>113930
Is he seeing a therapist?

No. 113977

File: 1556509498184.png (390.97 KB, 540x404, l9oaKFr.png)

Bf is threatened by sex toys. I can't cum from anything involving another person at all, it has to be solo. We live together so I can't use anything to get myself off. What would you do in my situation, /g/?

No. 113982

>>113977

my bf is the same, makes me so fucking angry so I just have sex with myself now and he can satisfy himself by himself until he wants to get on board.

No. 113983

>>113930
Do you seriously think that going to a therapist would change him at all? It doesn't sound like it, it sounds to me like he wants to daydream but not put in the work to get there. Therapy isn't going to change that, in fact it might just push him to quit school entirely because he's doing it for your expectations of him, or something.

If you do love him, the question I think you should ask yourself is whether you're ok with him failing. Are you fine with being the better partner with a stronger work ethic and a better paying job? Does he do enough to make you happy? What does he do now, which makes you still love him..?

Those would be the things that matter to me. If he's someone I could rely on despite this failure and he's willing to try in some other manner, I'd still want to be with him.

No. 113994

>>113930
>Blames it on being bullied in High School (according to him the same reason he's obese
wtf? He's blaming unrelated things that happened years ago for his current choices.
I'm sure he's a nice person but he's also a lazy manchild that doesn't care about life, and really you can't do anything about that.
Anon, you're just wasting your time and you know it, I know it hurts and I can tell how much you love him but what is he doing for you?

No. 114111

File: 1556678760031.png (252.36 KB, 458x341, tumblr_l7d3wrKOTM1qbpk2wo1_500…)

Anons, I've come hot off the press, so excuse me for being a bit emotionally raw.

Just broke up with my boyfriend not too many hours ago. This is tearing me up because he's such a sweet, caring guy, but… I don't know. We've been dating since fall 2018, and yeah, this is fresh, but he's also been one of the very rare people that I've clicked with.
So why break up? I don't know. Despite all the good things, there were things I wish I could change about him. Small things, but they rolled into a collective snowball that I couldn't ignore. Nothing red flaggy, just things that got on my nerves. I think I stopped feeling the same way. I don't think I love him anymore, which tears me up because he's crazy about me. I don't know why, but he is. We broke up amicably. With a lot of tears and hurt feelings, but amicably. But he basically outright alluded that I was 'the one' for him and he's dated A LOT. I didn't care about his dating past, but I feel awful that I don't feel the same way about him.
Shit, I feel guilty, like a sleazeball, because I feel like I demand too much from people. Did I act that way here? I have no idea. I know I can't possibly explain the situation from only my own perspective, but what do you do when everything goes right and you still don't feel like you ought to? When do you know that you ask for too much of people and want to attain such a standard that no one will likely live up to? Is it fair to stay with someone and yet ask for so much?

Thank you for hearing me out. Right now all I want to do is scream into a void, just to get those heart-breaking feelings out. Even though I was the dumper, it is still so sad. How do you deal?

No. 114121

>>114111
That's rough, anon.

I've only ever dated twice, both break-ups amicable. Honestly, there's no rules as to what one should do after a break-up. I cried a lot, talked to close friends and family, the usual. Golden rule for me is to not be an asshole to your ex and to yourself. Don't go out of your way to antagonise him/her if it didn't end well. No keying cars or burning houses. If they're antagonising you, tell them to fuck off.

No. 114147

>>114111
I'm sorry anon.

Cry every time you take a shower. It sounds retarded but time salves it a bit. It sounds unhealthy, but for me, time and talking to other men completely solved my absolute misery when I was in a similar situation. We had a messy break up though so it helped that I could shift my sadness into anger and be glad I was rid of him. Hope you are holding up okay.

No. 114153

I feel so bad for rejecting my friend. He has been crushing on me for a few years but I can only see him as a brother. He even said he was in love with me and the only way for him to find hapiness is by being with me. My friends are telling me to give him a chance and I'm considering it even though my guts telling me its probably not gonna end well.

No. 114154

>>114153
Dont be bullied to get with someone. Ever.
Fuck your “friends”.

No. 114155

>>114153
well would you like it if you were crushing on a friend and he got together with you only bc you're a nice girl and his friends said it's a good idea when he doesn't actually like you at all and only sees you as a sister?

it doesn't matter how nice someone is, if you don't like them in that way you don't have to date them, you're a free person and it isn't your obligation.

No. 114158

>>109182
>>109183
>>109184
Does he do drugs?
Because this seems like drug woke rambling.

No. 114160

>>112350

There is a book you should read called men are from mars woman are from venus. It literally explains his behavior and its pretty normal for men to do this kind of thing. Men will begin to pull themselves away from a girl he likes when he can sense that a deeper intimacy might come with you and he questions things like if you are right for him is he right for you.

No. 114164

>>112974
I think you need to raise your standards anon.
Letting his looks overpower your intuition is going to be a downfall for you.

No. 114175

>>114160

This behaviour isn't subject to gender and pseudo-psychology theories. It's about abuse and being an avoidant person.

No. 114188

>long distance bf breaks up with me in january after acting rly weird for months, it's messy
>msg his mom because it seemed like she was a big reason for the breakup, no answer from her
>"don't msg my family anon!"
>ff beginning of march
>"can you send me my stuff?"
>silence, then msg his mom again to speed things up, still no answer from her
>"I have to get bubblewrap and stuff"
>weeks pass
>yo, send stuff pls
>"I'll send it this saturday"
>ff saturday "did u send muh stuff"
>no answer
>ff tuesday "shipped!"
>everything seems good, ask about a specfic item "If I forgot anything I'll send it"
>ff a few days "can I have tracking number pls? Did you send it to mine or my parents address"
>no answer, try a few more times, silence
>yesterday a msg from his mom appears! "I told him to send your stuff anon, I'm not sure what happened between you two, I hope he didn't say anything bad about me"

Sorry for the long greentext but am I correct to assume he didn't send my stuff at all? He has blocked me almost everywhere and I can't get in contact with him. When is it okay to just buy a flight ticket and pick up my shit in person?

No. 114190

>>114188
samefag but the msg from his mom sound like a trap because he talked shit about her all the time and said she was a narcissist but I actually think he was projecting. I don't know what to believe

No. 114192

>>114188
Well, the mom ignored you for few months so I wouldn't trust her, but the exbf sounds pretty manic himself.
Wait for few more days or whatever it'd take to deliver your stuff. If your things don't arrive, message the mom (as you can't message the ex I assume) saying it's basically theft at this point. Research about crimes of not giving back something that's been given into custody and throw in some smart words. People are usually scared of law and when you threaten them with it, they suddenly behave.

No. 114212

>>113897
When you get to a certain age and get to experience enough, I think you come to an understanding that no one person has everything you're looking for. You, and your partner, will find things in other people that you enjoy more. But your commitment to one another is a testament to a mutual closeness. You're going to crush on people, and so will he. Some people with a lack of self control and the tendency to make spontaneous regrettable decisions should best cut these relations off. But those who are mature enough to understand their emotions are usually fine (with transparency) remaining close friends with crushes.

You still get a majority of your fulfillment from your partner, but maybe your platonic friend is just way more into a certain hobby of yours on a level that really connects with you. Or maybe they're a bit more charismatic and flirty while your partner doesn't have that drive. Every relationship is different, so honestly just keep things transparent with your partner and see how they feel. I personally have had friends that I very openly flirt with and flirt back because my boyfriend isn't the best at making clever responses on the spot. It feels good, but me and the person I flirt with both know that it's just fun and games, and we would never try to push past a platonic bond.

No. 114257

Sometimes I feel insecure about my boyfriend and the fact that he's choosing to date me. He's literally been such a wonderful partner and I feel like I'm falling short in comparison sometimes. He's a lot more interesting and accomplished than me career-wise and when it comes to interests. He's also more attractive than me although he tells me that he disagrees–this one bugs me especially given the stigma of a guy dating a less attractive girl.

Any advice on managing thoughts like these, farmers?

No. 114274

Having a hard time communicating with my husband recently. Typically we don’t fight much and agree on most eveyerthing , but a few key shifts have left us on uneven playing ground and it’s starting to eat away at me.
>first, I have a solid 40 hr a week job with above average pay
>husband barely works 20hrs and gets paid peanuts
>I end up paying for all our bills and sometimes even help his portion on rent
>this leaves me with no money to buy things I “need” like self-care products or the means to invest in my hobbies
>husband spend all of his free time playing vidya (which I personally don’t have a problem with him enjoying himself and his hobbies - but it makes me a bit salty to see him lounging when I can’t afford to)
>we’ve had countless talks about how he needs to get a new job but. Nothing happens.
>I wake up at the crack of dawn to provide for our family unit
>he sleeps until he feels like waking up, typically in the afternoon so he can go work a few hours.
>when we have obligations that need us to wake up early, he snaps at me for trying to wake him up
I don’t know what I’m supposed to do anymore. I try so fucking hard to handle all of our shit and when I try to tell him this he gets offended like I’m insulting him. He says it hurts him that I feel alone or like I’m struggling but he’s not doing anything to help. Leaving him isn’t on the table or even something I’m considering because we do have a good relationship outside of these issues. But these issues are starting to make me feel used , stupid and paranoid. I worry that maybe I’ve got it all wrong and he’s not “in it” like I am, that he’s just another boyfriend who’s taking advantage of my kindness until someone better rolls along. I know it’s not valid and it’s not fair, but fuck, i didn’t imagine I’d be stuck in this shit job I hate because my husband can’t be arsed to do his part in our relationship. I’m sure something will come along and things will get better (like they always do for my husband - he rarely has to put effort into anything, shit just falls into his lap) and when it does I’ll feel stupid for ranting about this. But for right now, I need to get this shit out. I can’t afford therapy anymore, and I wouldn’t burden a friend with shit talking my husband, but this sucks ass.

No. 114276

>>114274
Is he at least trying or has made strides towards get a new job, anon? Sometimes these things take time.

No. 114277

>>114276
Yes, he’s trying in that he’s looking at job postings maybe every other day, but he always finds an excuse not to apply. I know things take time and I’m being a bit uncharitable with my rant. He’s a genuinely good and hardworking man, so I expect better from him. But I know if the tables were turned, I wouldn’t be excited to pull my weight either. I do a lot for him and I probably should let him flounder, but it’s hard because we’re partners, and his failings feel like my own. I’m not sure how else to explain it I just want us to be on the same level again.

No. 114326

How do I defend my boyfriend from my narcissistic parents when I can't even defend myself? They will never listen to me.
My boyfriend and my parents had a small argument and it seemed like everything was fine minutes after it happened, but then a day later my mom calls me and leaves a 5 minute voicemail telling me my boyfriend is no good for me, he's lazy, he's manipulating me, he doesn't respect them, etc… I quickly tried to defend him because majority of the stuff he said to my parents was true, basically saying how I felt about them and information I've told him, but my mom just told me I was making excuses.
I don't know, I felt like nothing I'm saying is good enough and they'll only accept me leaving him or him telling them they did nothing wrong and he was 100% at fault, which I do not want. I want to put my foot down because my parents are not good in the slightest, they either treat me like a burden or a money making machine.

No. 114351

>>114326

Can you go no contact or grey rock method? You don't need to defend yourself or others to people like this because they will always find ways to disapprove. They will pretty much always think they're right. You're worth more than that, anon!

No. 114352

>>114351
I'm trying to go grey rock, I was able to do this for a while but since now the argument is stirring my mom up she's having me start to pay for things they gave me. A new car, insurance, and phone bill. My boyfriend and I are currently planning to pay off my phone as much as I can and hopefully find a cheap car that can get me to and from work and I can give the car back. I had a gut feeling when they came to my house with the car gift they were going to use it against me one day.

No. 114490

Is it wrong that I want to quit my job and be a homemaker? I work full time and I get screamed and cursed at all the time and have to clean poop all day. I applied to a lot of other places but they don't respond after interviews and I'm also limited because I don't have a car/no buses. My boyfriend earns $18 an hour but is always urging me that we split everything 50/50. His mom lives off alimony/child support, his dad's girlfriend watches TV all day because his dad is a doctor, his grandma was always a housewife, it pisses me off that I'm witnessing all these other women not having to work, being supported by a guy, meanwhile Im earning minimun wage being dehumanized everyday and have literally nothing after bills.

No. 114491

>>114490
There is nothing wrong with wanting to be a homemaker anon, beside the fact that you’re at the mercy of someone else. What kind of jobs are you applying for? Is there something stopping you from landing more humane unskilled gigs? Dump your stingy bf and loser family, try to get a customer service position at golf-boat clubs, fancy restaurants. These upscale places are a lot more professional (I’d also get hella $20 tips all day) and maybe you can even seduce yourself a man who’ll support you because he knows he should.

No. 114494

>>114490
Uh yeah it is wrong to be a non contributing leech with no empathy for their partner, your bf is only making $18 an hour. How the fuck can 2 people live on that and why is he obligated to support you just because he's the man and some men bankroll their lazy ass partners? You don't even have a fucking car, you need the job. You need a better job, or even a second job. Working sucks but at least it gives you dignity and financial security.

No. 114495

>>114490
Sure, but you'd be up shit creek if your boyfriend dumps you. Ask him to split things more fairly if you earn too little.

No. 114510

>>114490
Seconding >>114495
If you can't afford a 50/50 split then something needs to change, I had a similar situation myself and it came down to either me moving out to find a cheaper place to stay or splitting our joint costs more relative to our earnings. Talking about money feels unromantic but it's an eventual part of any serious relationship, is your yours worth going into debt just to stay with him?

I don't blame him for not wanting to become a walking paycheck but if he wants you two to build a mutually strong, equal life together then you should both be splitting your bills in a fairer way and working towards something that will improve your earning (a second car, internship or qualification). If he's not ready for that then maybe you both want different things.

There's nothing wrong with wanting to be a homemaker but you need to find a partner who values domestic labour enough to see it as a fair exchange. Dependant women often have no say in their own lives because they're essentially owned if they took a gamble on the wrong man and can't afford to leave when they weild financial control like a weapon.

No. 114522

My boyfriend never compliments me, he always mentions my acne, that i have a big chin, small boobs, that i need to lose weight etc. I told him how it hurts me and he tells me he's joking and to not be so sensitive. I asked him if he could give more compliments but he never does. Am i being over sensitive?

No. 114523

>>114522
No. It is entirely normal to not want to be demeaned by your partner.

No. 114525

So there’s this guy who’s pretty cute and nice. I like him a lot. I know he’s single. Hasn’t made a move. What do I do?

No. 114527

>>114522
your boyfriend sounds like a jerk. partners are supposed to be your cheerleader, not tear you down all the time. if it's "just a joke" it's not a funny one and he should stop telling it

>>114525
make a move

No. 114528

>>114527
How? Do I ask him to get coffee with me or something? Should I text him?

No. 114529

>>114522
How do you girls even end up with these duds, and questioning if you're in the wrong?
It makes me feel like so many women were abused as children and can't tell what shitty behaviour is anymore. You all deserve better.

No. 114547

>>114528
Next time you see him, ask if you can get him a coffee.

No. 114548

>>114547
Oh, and make sure you pay for his coffee so it's clearer that it's a date.

No. 114552

>>114529
A lot of anons were abused, that's why. At least judging from some of those stories in /ot/

No. 114559

File: 1557438627305.jpg (26 KB, 500x375, 7c326cc760dc3d7da15cf74cd86702…)

Long story as short as I can make it: my boyfriend travels for work sometimes. A month ago, he was away with his co-workers. I knew he was out drinking with them, but he's a grown man, so I wasn't going to police him and just told him to text me when he made it back to his hotel. I woke up at about 3am to no texts, so I got worried and tried to call him a bunch. No answer. Later that day, he called back, apologizing. He told me that his phone died and that he ended up at the strip club with his co-workers. He swore his boss paid for him to get in and he didn't get a dance, but I was still furious, of course. He did seem remorseful about it and at least he was honest with me. There's no way I would've found out what they did had he not told me, so he knew he could've gotten away with it. I forgave him as best I could for these two reasons and he's never been unfaithful to me before.

Now, he's at another job 16 hours away. My mind is going crazy, I keep thinking about what happened last time and feeling like I can't trust him at all. I told him I want to break up this morning because I can't get over it. I don't want to be with someone I can't trust. He apologized some more, told me he'd do anything to make it up to me and prove he'd never do anything like that again. He even insisted on installing a gps tracking app on his phone so that I could see where he is whenever I want.

Anyway, what do you anons make of this situation? Should I give him another chance? We live together, have been together most two years. I may be able to actually forgive him and get over it with time, but it's going to be a while.

No. 114579

>>114559
Men are actually idiots and heavily assure each other that strip clubs are totally normal, fine, and not cheating at all if they don't "do anything" there besides, you know, spending money to see women gyrate naked and put on sexual displays. He most likely actually didn't realize how bad it was and feels remorseful now. A lot of women even get pushed into telling themselves there's nothing wrong with it after their husbands start visiting them on business trips and that fuels the general male opinion that it's no big deal. Anyway due to the normalcy of it I'd give him another chance, probably was just out of pure stupidity and if he never does anything like it again then it's forgivable. A cheater or potential cheater would want to hide it as well but he seems honest.

No. 114580

>>114559
Put tracking on his phone and give him another chance. It's dysfunctional and weird but he offered and is willing to put up with your crap for a second chance. I'd take it if I were you.

No. 114601

>>114579
One of his higher ups specifically loves strip clubs, so if I had any guesses as to who's idea it was… My boyfriend has been to them before, a long time ago when he was 18 and before we ever knew each other, so it's not like he didn't know what it was like, but I do believe that he had no choice in the matter. They were all in one vehicle with a dd.

>>114580
>dysfunctional and weird
Yeah, I definitely thought so when he brought it up and it even felt a little abusive for me to go along with it. I don't want to spy on him, but peace of mind is nice.

Thanks for the reassurance, ladies

No. 114603

>>114559
Maybe I've normalized them too, but men going to strip clubs as a work outing isn't cheating… It's gross, but it's not cheating, and your BF is being remorseful about it because he made a drunken stupid mistake. I've been in his shoes and I can imagine what goes through one's mind – especially when it is your superior who is calling the shots. Ultimately, he was honest with you about it. The bigger issue here is that he is going out drinking extensively with his co-workers, but I'll go more into that below.

I was actually in a similar boat but situation reversed. I have an all-male team and we were away for a conference. Made the mistake of drinking with them and ended up at a strip club… sent my BF pics of it thinking it was funny in my drunk state, he obviously did not react well. He broke up with me. You can imagine all the things a guy assumes when you are drunk with all men at a strip club but we got back together the next day, and those thoughts are even worse than a woman imaging her man getting a lap dance. However, my going there also taught me a whole lot about strip clubs and changed my feelings on them. Strip clubs are largely gross – even the "nice" ones. After experiencing them myself I would not be mad if my BF went because I realized what the whole drunken experience really means. Nothing.

The issue lies in that he is drinking heavily with his coworkers, and I'd definitely talk to him about that. It's part of the business culture unfortunately but I have cut out drinking/partying with coworkers entirely because of how things end up. You can enjoy a few drinks at dinner but return to the hotel and call it a night. He is apologizing to you and not trying to excuse his behavior, but he also needs to be willing to say "I will limit myself going forward". Both my BF and I travel for business often and we just don't do it, because we know it opens the door to trouble. The incident that happened 2 years ago for us has not happened again, and we've been together 4 years since.

GPS is an ok idea as long as he's the one pushing for it. We have find my friends on at all times but more for the sake of anxiety because we both like to know the other is safe, lol…

Anyway, good luck… I hope you can work things out, because your guy seems like he deserves a second chance as I did.

No. 114604

>>114603
Meant to say 4 years altogether, not since.

No. 114606

>>114559
Stop shitting bricks and see it from a different perspective. You are now fully authorized to do things that you would previously restrain yourself from. I think your boyfriend is forgetting that it's easier for a female to cheat due to an abundance of options.

Join tinder for fun. Get validation from other men and dismiss it as "not cheating" because no intercourse is happening. The world is now your oyster.

No. 114614

My boyfriend and I started talking about the dreaded 10 point rating scale and he said "people are only with others because they're not good enough for someone better"

I was kinda upset when I heard that, but due to years of being gaslit by exes can't tell if I'm justified in feeling like shit for basically being called the best last resort someone can have. Thoughts farmers?

No. 114617

>>114614
your boyfriend seems to be generally negative about things. i'm with my boyfriend because i learned from my past relationships how i should be treated or at least learned what to look out for. most people don't find someone better, or the better person is already taken. that being said, you're with your boyfriend because you two have a close connection with each other that a lot of people can't find with you two. it's not just about appearances, we all know there's attractive people out there, but we don't know what they're really like.

No. 114618

>>114614
Sounds like he'd leave you if a "better" woman chatted him up.
Personally, I'd leave.

No. 114626

>>114614
I've been with guys that I genuinely feel as though aren't attracted to me at ALL. I'm a 90 pound red-head girl for example, and they would constantly post things on Facebook about thinking thigh gaps are gross, and about how they like BBW types, and I'm sitting here like ?????

And they would frequently say things like, "you may not be the prettiest, but -"

shit would make me feel bad LOL

I'm with someone now that is attracted to… pretty much all of my traits, and frequently would say that I'm their "ideal 10," which I thought was bullshit, and them trying to just be sweet to me, but

I met their family and stuff, and they said, "yeah, you definitely look like the type of girl he would go for,"

Even every celebrity they find attractive is a pale, skinny girl that looks just like me… (jane levy, emma stone, julie kennedy, etc)

idk, I don't want someone to lie to me. I know I'm not perfect, but being with someone who I know actually is attracted to me, feels 1000000000000000000% nicer

No. 114627

>>114626
This is wholesome. I've definitely got the impression that guys I've been with weren't specifically attracted to me, or my general sphere of visual traits. Very happy for you that you've found someone who really appreciates you!

No. 114651

I have a husband, we have a baby, we live together etc

He has always been an unemotional person, really sincerely terrible at expressing his emotions. He hates socialising with people but obviously liked me and we relate a lot and he can be really nice and thoughtful.
Recently he just has no interest in me as a person at all and acts shocked when I confront him about it and ask what's up, he insists theres absolutely nothing different. He was always quiet but now he hasnt truly attempted to make conversation with me for the better part of a year, insists every day that he has nothing to tell me about work (has always been like that, his work is boring and he hates it but still he never even tries), we dont have sex, he rarely kisses me and never tries to cuddle with me on the couch or anything. He never wants to do a date night, and says it's over money even though he doesnt even want to make food and watch a movie at home together, when we do he's on his phone the whole time browsing random shit, and nowhere near me either. We dont sleep in the same bed anymore, on account of the baby though. He just blanks me for most of the day, acts annoyed when I bring it up or completely passive aggressively makes a deal out of how much I'm apparently overreacting or making this shit up out of nowhere (not in those words though, like shrugging and being like wtf? Or laughing it off a lot)

He was absolutely hooked on porn and watching a shit ton of it before, looking at specific girls personal reddits full of their nudes, never makes any nice comments about me that aren't incredibly generic and those aren't common either.

He always vehemently insists everything is fine and that he has no idea what I'm talking about and its driving me fucking nuts. If he would tell me what's up then at least we could resolve it or fucking split up but he just floats along blankly and denies anything has changed.

Please be gentle with me anons I'm really not doing well and feel very alone

No. 114657

>>114651
Could it be depression?

No. 114659

>>114651
I don't think he is into you anymore. For whatever reason he's not feeling it but he sounds too blah on life to want to lose his caretaker. I'm sorry, anon.

No. 114661

>>114657
>>114659

I cracked him shortly after I posted this dear anons. Pretty hefty depression indeed.

Thank you both

No. 114662

>>114651
>We dont sleep in the same bed anymore, on account of the baby though.
How is this on account of the baby? How did you both(?) reach this decision?

No. 114663

>>114662
Do you have a baby? She is extremely colicky, and has a hard time sleeping, and is VERY loud, so we take turns so that at least one of us gets a decent nights sleep. We still have sex, just not as often, and in much more inventive places. That's not something that bothers us but definitely adds to the strain

No. 114664

>>114663
>do you have a baby?
You just got pretty defensive over a normal question. Maybe that's the reason your husband hates you

No. 114667

>>114663
How old is the baby? it seems related to the fact he's giving you the cold shoulder. Kinda need more details as to what's going on - it sounds like you are a SAH mom, he was never an amazingly receptive guy but it got even worse after the baby. He may be fatigued and depressed and maybe the prior bare minimum attention was taking it out of him.

No. 114668

I've been dating a guy for almost two months. We haven't gone too sexual because he knows I'm traumatized and relatively innocent in regards of sexual activity. But honestly? I think I might be gay :/ I've only been interested in men sexually during manic phases…otherwise I'm never really into men like that. I don't know what I'm doing because I do want to date my boyfriend! I'm just scared to have sex because of the whole virginity complex ingrained in my head and I'm scared I'll freak out or something. I don't know what I'm doing.

No. 114669

>>114663
It sounds like it might be paternal postnatal depression. I don't know what kind of help he's willing to get. If you can at all afford it, you should both try therapy. If he won't do it, you should still go. I'm sorry you're having such a rough time, hopefully you can work through whatever is going on with him. It's possible he really doesn't know why he's feeling or acting the way he is, which is why he won't talk about it. Paternal depression after the birth of a child is actually quite common, and if you can get him in to therapy it could really help. Be clear that it's not a punishment or anything, but that it's you two together versus the problem.

>>114664
>Maybe that's the reason your husband hates you
Maybe he doesn't hate her. Life has ups and downs. Having a baby is a big change. Something is wrong, yes, but that doesn't mean he hates her.

No. 114678

>>114663
>That's not something that bothers us
it might not bother you but it might bother him

No. 114680

i haven’t had much sexual experience, especially with a man. my current boyfriend is the second person i’ve had sex with, my ex girlfriend being the first. i was really nervous at first because i had no idea how a penis would work or what would feel good for him during sex. i got over it and i thought things were going great, he seems to enjoy it and wants to have sex multiple times a week. i’ve asked him for advice on what i could do better before and he said nothing, that he’s absolutely content.

well tonight after we got done doing the deed we were talking about blowjobs. i have a very small mouth and gag easily so i was talking about how annoying it is. he suggested i watch blowjob porn and see how they do it as “homework.” i HATE porn. i don’t think sex should be modeled after porn at all with how degrading it is to women. and honestly, it kind of hurt my feelings. he told me that he didn’t want me to think that he was saying what i was doing didn’t feel good, that he was just saying i could learn techniques so that giving oral is more comfortable for me. he’s apologized several times but i don’t know, i’m still hurting. i don’t know if i’m being overdramatic or what i should do.

sorry for wall of text.

No. 114686

>>114680
Sounds very overdramatic to be honest.

No. 114695

>>114680
I would be offended if my boyfriend asked me to watch porn to get advice as we all know porn is incredibly fake. However he probably didn't mean it in a malicious way, and just said it without thinking about it. The techniques you would learn from porn wouldn't be beneficial anyway as a lot of the girls on there are in a lot of pain/drugged and the deepthroating etc. can cause damage long term.

If you think it's something that you'd be interesting in developing then there are loads of free guides on the internet that don't come from porn on how you can improve. I wouldn't take it too seriously - it sounds like this is your first real serious relationship with a man, get prepared for dumb comments every now and again. If porn bothers you that much be prepared at some point to have that conversation with him as he probably watches it.

No. 114724

>>114680
I don't think you need to watch porn. I once saw a video on Youtube of porn stars (fully clothed) explaining their favorite ways to give the best blowjob. The one tip that was a total game changer was using your hands on the shaft, turning out and in over and over in opposite directions. Then you can put your tongue on the tip, depending on how big he is.

I gag easily too so using my hands while doing a bit of mouth stuff helps and my bf is happy either way. Porn tends to prioritize mouth only with girls gagging to the point of throwing up or deep throating with tears coming out of their eyes. It's pretty disgusting and I could understand why you'd be upset. Does he watch porn? People who watch porn are way more likely to have very warped views on sex.

No. 114738

>>114680
I'd be pissed off too, suggest his fucking was substandard and tell him to watch Bruno Dickems as "homework" lol

No. 114742

>>114724
Agreed. If his idea of a good blowjob is making you gag while deepthroating him, it's going to be hard for you to get any pleasure out of this act. Try to use more tongue and hands. Really, you don't need to watch porn. Just be more communicative during sex. If he doesn't like what you're doing he should they you what he likes. You're not virgin teenagers, it's okay to talk about sex.

No. 114750

File: 1557765377628.jpg (27.02 KB, 380x380, 732.jpg)

>>114680
1) does he make you feel good at all or is it all about him

2) why are you even with him lmao he sounds wack

No. 114757

>>114680
wow if you're blowing that out of proportion you should probably just break up now

No. 114776

>>114695
>>114724
thank you both! i’ll look into the guides and take your advice. he watches porn a lot so i’m pretty sure he just wants me to deepthroat him, as i try to use my hands and typically can get to half way with my mouth before i start to gag.

>>114742
i feel the same exact way. that’s why i asked him at least four times now if he wanted me to do anything different or what felt good vs what didn’t. that’s why it stung so much when he said i should watch porn and do it more like a pornstar, tbh. like that didn’t give me any tips at all.

No. 114787

>>114680
A common mistake is to givea toothy bj, always cover your teeth with your lips. And is he cut or uncut? Circimcised guys dont have sensation on the tip of their dick and cant self lubricate so you will have to use a lot more saliva. Uncircumcised guys have a very sensitive tip, just licking it will make them go crazy, and you dont need to use much saliva.

No. 114792

>>114776
You should vomit on his dick tbqh, then shit on his face if he demands anal at some point.

No. 114795

>>114787
i always make sure to have no teeth. he’s circumcised, i’ll be sure to keep that in mind. thank you again!

>>114792
unfortunately he has asked for anal (and when i said no he kept repeating please, then completely stopped the sex.) idk, i think he has expectations because he watches a lot of porn. besides that one comment and instance, he’s been good to me, and i think having conversations with him helps.
(and if i do end up vomiting or shitting on him, i’ll be sure to let you know.)

No. 114798

>>114795
>unfortunately he has asked for anal (and when i said no he kept repeating please, then completely stopped the sex.)

This is a little concerning, like he couldn't just continue with PIV, it was ass or the highway? what?
You seem to be in the honeymoon phase, but this rudeness and disregard for your interests and feelings doesn't bode well.

No. 114801

>>114795
> unfortunately he has asked for anal (and when i said no he kept repeating please, then completely stopped the sex.)
OP, I was the one who was understanding and gave a tip earlier but after seeing this, all I can say is RUN. You're with a porn sick guy whose already projecting his porn deluded fantasies on you. The 'please' shit is creepy as fuck, it happened to me too and the experience was teetering on sexual coercion. Please don't stay with a man who puts you in a vulnerable place alone with him, initially agreeing consensual sex and then begs you then and there to do anal.

Especially after you said no, which is a HUGE red flag! Please, please reconsider this. I know you're probably skeptical but I was in the same situation and it only got worse until it finally ended.

No. 114805

>>114795
literally what the fuck gorl

explain to me why you're with him? does he have money or make you cum or something. why tf are you putting up with this entitled coercive mess im genuinely interested

No. 114876

>>114795
Dont give into anal unless you really want it. Anal sex requires so much preperation and is very dangerous, its nothing like porn. My ex bf decided to "accidentally" put it in the other hole during PIV sex and it was extremely painful, he didnt use any lube so I got an anal tear and bleed for months. Anal sex has a much higher risk of infection, switching holes will spread infection to the vagina, huge risk for anal tears/fissures, a lot of ex porn stars have to wear diapers because the shit leaks out.

No. 114879

>>114876
I'm super wary of any man who's way too into anal or tries to pressure their female partner into it. We don't have prostates so it's harder to enjoy it without the pain being overwhelming. And this is coming from someone who likes buttplugs and anal play in general.

No. 114882

>>114876
Funny how men who claim to be really into anal don't do the research before hand lmao.

No. 114902

>>114882
Well, they aren't really into anal. They're into their dick feeling good and the idea of it being taboo. Pornsickness is real.

No. 114914

>>114792
nta but my boyfriend is the same way, wanted to deep throat me despite my sensitive gag reflex and he'd hold my head there until I gagged and threw up on his dick. He thought it was great. Men are disgusting and want you to suffer. It gets them off.

No. 114916

>>114914
This filled me with such rage for you anon, I'm almost shaking with it. I'm surprised he's not an ex (?).

No. 114923

Accidentally posted in the old thread cuz it was necroed for some reason

Husband and I have been having problems and we had a big talk/fight yesterday about him.
I opened a lot about how done I was and how I felt about him lately.
Today we had (bad) sex and he came inside me, I'm not on BC and he usually pulls out when we (rarely) have sex.
Honestly this feels manipulative to me, like he wants to tie me down with a baby.
Idk if I'm looking to deep into it, I was moaning "yes" at the time and he said do I come inside, and I said yes but, he's never taken me seriously before when I've responded like that.
Also I think he knew I was ovulating this week so it feels like his intentions were… Yeah.

No. 114924

>>114923
You told him to do it, maybe try taking some responsibility for your actions. Also you do know you can get pregnant with the pull out method, right? Respect yourself more and use birth control.

No. 114925

>>114924
I can't do Birth control it fucks with my health and makes me depressed.
And what do you mean "respect myself" its my husband not a random man.
You only get pregnant if you fail to pull out honestly but that's not what were talking about.

Husband and I have had multiple conversations where we've agreed were not ready for kids just yet. So it was shitty of him to do that.

No. 114926

>>114925
>You only get pregnant if you fail to pull out
wow you're retarded haha

No. 114932

>>114925
Can you not use condoms? They have different kinds if you have any allergies or anything.

>You only get pregnant if you fail to pull out honestly but that's not what were talking about


Is that not what literally happened to you?

If you're not ready to have kids, you probably have to do more to prevent it than moan "yeah" when your guy asks to come inside you.

No. 114936

>>114932
I mean we could yeah, it's just never been a problem in 3+ years so I didn't expect it to suddenly become one right after I told him I was jaded with our marriage.

No. 114940

>>114925
there can be sperm cells in pre-cum, google it m8

No. 114941

>>114940
I have, not everything you learned in middle school sex ed is true, its extremely rare and won't really happen. Especially if the man ejaculates regularly and has peed that day.
Even on my most fertile day the chance of getting pregnant is only around 30% so its an astronomically low chance to get pregnant from pre-cum.

Either way this wasn't what I was asking about, he has the ability, willpower, etc to pull out. He just didn't want to.
https://americanpregnancy.org/getting-pregnant/can-you-get-pregnant-with-precum/

No. 114942

>>114936
You said you were jaded, then had presumably passionate makeup sex in which he probably thought you had reconciled and you agreed to have him finish inside of you, what's the hard part to understand anon?

You agreed to it, he asked if it was okay before he did. This is consent, this is adult.

No. 114944

>>114923
Just to add to this, he normally teases me with it since he knows its my fetish. But we've had conversations about how he shouldn't be actually coming inside multiple times.
That's why it feels manipulative.
Idk I'm just gonna go buy plan B and suck it up.

No. 114945

>>114942
>passionate makeup sex
God I wish, it sucked. I didn't cum. The whole experience was meh, I only started getting into it like 30 sec before he just came.

No. 114955

>>114923
I replied in the other thread, but just want to add to that: you are misreading it as "tie you down with a baby". It's about causing you anxiety (as you are currently experiencing) as you panic about getting pregnant, and more trauma if you do end up pregnant and need to abort. I think the other anons are reading this the wrong way. Cumming in you when he knows you don't want to is a power move against you. It's not friggin "passionate makeup sex" as one anon projected onto it. Quite the opposite

No. 114968

>>114955
he's not a mind reader? she consented to it and he followed through, I don't get how that's his fault and he's this horrible manipulator just because she fucked up and forgot her intense fear of being pregnant.

No. 114982

>>114968
I'm the same anon from the other thread that pointed out her saying the opposite of what she wants requires mind-reading on his part, but she has detailed that he was very clear about her not actually wanting to get pregnant. It seems he was still salty about the fight the previous day. I dunno why a few of you anons are in denial about the fact a man can come in you maliciously. It sounds dumb but they absolutely do. I had a hookup who genuinely got angry when I said multiple times "don't come in me," it's a power trip for them. He did at least listen in my case… but I think OP needs to start saying what she means rather than the opposite because her fear is also her "fetish."

No. 114984

This is more like how to start a relationship advice, but how would I, a woman in my mid-20s, go about finding an older guy, say 35+? I do NOT want a sugar daddy or any of that creepy shit. I have my own career and am perfectly fine of taking care of myself. I just like older guys.

No. 114985

>>114984
Get some self esteem instead. Old men are gross and think they're too good for women their own age, so what's gonna happen to you when you're 30+?

No. 115000

>>114984
Two guys I briefly dated:
-35: had own house but no relationship experience, immature opinions on gender, sex and race
-24: had cohabited with long term partner before, more thoughtful opinions on various issues

You're looking for maturity, not age. Those two guys came across as about the same maturity altogether, or the older one being less mature, despite a 11 year difference in ages. "I like older guys" just screams "I want a sugar daddy." despite your protestations.

No. 115017

Not really relevant to the title because we're FWB but we literally act like a couple.

I did the worst thing I could ever do, insult him on my anger during a fight about his weight. He has only treated me amazingly and was always honest with me. I feel terrible, I was crying all day and apologizing right after. He said if it happens again we won't see each other again but as a result of it he has been acting distant.. told me I lost a big part of his respect. How can I make him trust me again? I feel terrible.

No. 115018

>>115017

Doublepost but the fight wasnt about his weight, i insulted him about it.

No. 115021

>>115017
You're wasting your own time caring about this.
>FWB but act like a couple

Aka you are secret, get no help or status from dating, but presumably emotionally and physically support each other, while he or you are also free to date and have sex with multiple other people. If he's gonna throw the towel in after one (1) argument it was never gonna go anywhere anyway. Just another emotionally distant time-waster.

No. 115022

>>115000
>immature opinions on gender, sex and race

Like what?

No. 115033

>>115021
100% this

No. 115047

File: 1558122732002.jpg (47.76 KB, 502x610, 2317966.jpg)

I think I love my bf but I also struggle with not seeing him as just another deluded male degenerate. Every time I go to reddit and gaze into the eldritch asshole that is your average man's mind I lose all faith in my Nigel being #notliketheotherguys. Even if he makes an effort to be a normal human being, wouldn't that be going against his degenerate male nature (which would make him unhappy)? Is there even a point in relationships if they're not a transaction with clear material benefits for the parties involved?

Straight chicks of /lc/, how do you do this whole relationship thing?

No. 115057

>>115047
I just discuss those topics outright with my bf to assuage my concerns. Discussing this stuff has made me learn a lot about him and men in general and in turn he's bettered himself.
It's hard to discuss, but I guess it's up to you if you'd rather not ask and live with hoping he's not like that, or ask and see if he's really not. You may be happily surprised. And if you're not, he may be able to see your point of view and change/compromise, or you can leave if you find it to be too much.

No. 115066

>>114944
Can you get a copper IUD? It might help in the future, and you can talk about your marriage without this confounding variable of worrying about pregnancy.

No. 115075

>>115047
honestly I hope you break up with him not for your sake but for his sake
he most likely deserves to be with someone who views him as an actual human being

No. 115076

>>115075
Anons are really out here saying all men are natural degenerates and women are above that animalistic behaviour when we have people who want to fuck dogs and dead bodies on this site.

I think most men are shitty and capable of being gross but I know I am, too. I'm human after all. But if I'm also capable of being loyal and kind then why not some men?

I understand the anxiety about it though since I also sometimes tend towards generalizing them. But that's just the same as they treat us.

No. 115080

>>115076
Something like nearly half of all female homicides are commited by intimate partners of the deceased. Aka half of all murders to women are done by their boyfriends. You don't need to gaslight these anons, you can understand the nature of men while still being with one.

No. 115086

>>115080
source ?

No. 115087

i really don't know where to turn about this… my bf over the course of 2 years has basically told me his main fetish is submission/anal. i dont find it sexually attractive. we don't have sex anymore, its not appealing to me in any sense. i dont want to peg him, i think anal is disgusting. i love him though as a person. i dont know is this is enough to drive me to break up with him… but i do feel like im being pushed to the end of my tether

No. 115097

>>115080
If she could balance being wary with being with a male then I don't think she'd be here doubting his humanity and worried that he's incapable of any self control. I'm not faulting her for being aware of what he's capable of, everyone should try to keep themselves safe. But if she's actively concerned (as in, enough to post about it) that he will kill her or rape someone any day now then leaving would benefit both of them.

Not saying "thinking he'll do it will just egg him on to do it!!" because I hate that logic that's often used. But it clearly is a bother for her so just get rid of him.

Idk anon maybe I've just grown back towards seeing them as individuals after a couple years of misandry since I've admitted to myself that I'm capable of fuckshit. I have impulses and fantasies about doing awful things but can resist, so maybe men do that too. How can I fault them for resisting animalistic urges when that's what I also do regularly? Maybe you other manhate anons are actually pure and morally above any violence or perversion, but I know I'm not.

No. 115119

>>115057
>she actually thinks he's being truthful and not saying what she wants to hear

No. 115128

>>115086

https://www.forensicmag.com/news/2017/07/cdc-study-over-half-adult-female-homicide-victims-killed-intimate-partners

Search "homicide intimate partners study" as your keywords for more.

No. 115129

>>115119
Not to "not my nigel" you, but he's a shitty liar and open about his opinions even if it gets him into arguments with family or with me.
There are plenty of shitty men to go around, I'm well aware of that, but you'd have to be retarded to think they ALL lie and sweet-talk. Everyone probably has done that a little, gender irrelevant, but I've talked with this guy enough and been in his space enough to know he's telling the truth.

No. 115145

>>115087
So because you don't agree with his fetish (which I totally understand) you don't have any sex anymore? I mean I guess you guys used to have sex before he came out about his fetish, right? Why won't he accept normal sex anymore?

No. 115150

My boyfriend has been going through my private DMs recently, when I’m asleep. He first did it about 3 weeks ago, accusing me of cheating because I’ve gotten close lately with a male friend. We fought, and talked about it, and then fought again. He agreed he would go to therapy to talk about any issues he’s having, and to get help for paranoia/breaching my privacy, in a few weeks (we are on vacation right now.)

I changed my passwords, on both my devices. He did it again this morning. He said that my passcode “came to him in a dream”. I ended up allowing him to speak to my friend on my account, to double confirm, even though he read my messages, that nothings been going on. He seems satisfied for now with that, at least.

I’m not sure what to do here. He’s never had paranoia before. He’s never done something like this before. I know he did it once to his ex, but that’s it. It’s not that I care about having my messages read, but it’s annoying to have to have this discussion over and over, and constantly be accused of things I didn’t do. When we argue it goes from “you sent him nudes, I know it” (I didn’t, not even close) to “how dare you complain about any of our issues to him” (though he tells his friend what he reads before he even tells me he read anything, with, what he calls, “inaccuracies”, which damages my relationships with his friends obviously), and then he nitpicks at something simple (my friend being excited for a beach trip between just me & friend, or me sending a photo to my friend of clothing I bought while on vacation). The goalpost moves, is what I’m trying to say. I “did” something wrong- he just can’t figure out what, so it becomes everything, real or not. He offered to pay me money to “tell him the truth” (that I cheated, which I didn’t) because he’s unaccepting of reality for some reason.

I’m afraid after this vacation I’ll be constantly berated about how I’m “cheating” when I’m not around my bf. I am not really interested in dating someone who tries to tell me who I can be friends with, how I can interact with them, and how frequently (my bf knows this, as it’s the reason I dumped my ex), so unless this problem gets solved I would have to leave. I don’t really want to, I love my bf, but I just don’t understand why he’s behaving this way all of a sudden, when I’ve given him all the proof he needs to know nothing is going on, on top of reading my messages.

Also, if we do have to break up, I am afraid he’ll immediately claim it’s because of my friend. I would like to stay together- or at least stay in contact, but I’m afraid his paranoia will just control him.

No. 115155

>>115150
Your relationship is dead in the water. Do you think there's a possibility he might have cheatee?

No. 115158

I recently reconnected with a old school friend. We've been hanging out a lot over the last couple of months and I have started to really like her. But I'm not sure if I should tell her.
Here's a bit of background so you understand why I'm not sure how to approach it. She's had a pretty shitty few years. Her ex was abusive and basically encouraged her to sleep with other people and then verbally abused her over it. She's dated a couple of people since but both times when things started looking serious and they told her they loved her a few months later they ended up ghosting her. She attempted to commit suicide and was institutionalized where she was diagnosed with BPD.
She's told me that she questions what people want now if they are nice to her.
So I don't know if I should just tell her, or leave it a few more months and see what happens.
Plus looking online it seems that dating someone with BPD can be difficult. Is it really worth it, would it be best just to remain friends.

No. 115159

>>115150
I don't know anything about your relationship, but some things you wrote put me off:
-You say you will be going on a beach holiday alone with your male friend
-You have sent photos of clothing you bought to your friend
-You said this was a problem in your previous relationship and is why you dumped your ex, so it's not a problem unique to him

I'd be uncomfortable too if my bf told me he'd be going on a beach holiday with his female friend, is sending photos of the clothes he bought to her and considers her super close. Plus, if this was an issue for your ex as well, you either tend to go for the jealous type or your behaviour is somehow suspicious. Ask yourself why this seems to be a pattern and how you would feel if your bf did the same with a close female friend of his.

Also, just because he talks about your issues with his friend doesn't mean you have to do the same. Especially if it's the same close friend you're going on holiday with, I can see why he could think you're setting the stage for jumping out of one relationship into another.

Second, what business does he have going through your DMs? It's okay if you decide to show him and I'm not the type to cry about muh privacy, but "he went through my private DMs" doesn't sound like you did. I second the other anon's question about whether he is cheating on you or not. He could just be paranoid given what you said about your friend, but I don't know since I don't know you.

Third, this relationship seems to be making you unhappy. Do you think he will change his behaviour in the future? If not, would you want to be stuck in a relationship where everything you do is questioned? If not, why stay with him? It seems unhealthy.

No. 115164

>>115145
nta but I have a similar problem with my boyfriend. He's always said that he liked the idea of anal and pressures me nonstop about it now. When I turn him down he acts like a baby and it ruins the sex. Now I don't even want to try with him. I even convinced him to let me try it on him and he said it was terrible and it felt like he was "going to the bathroom" while I was doing it and I told him, yeah, that's what it always feels like. Not very fun for the receiver. He stopped bringing it up for about a week and is back at it again. It's made me feel like I'm not good enough for him and it makes me nervous to have sex with him because I feel like he is comparing me to porn. He also likes me to blow him and he never finishes and expects me to deep throat him for 30 minutes straight without stopping. Sure we can have sex without the painful things but imo it has ruined sex for me with this person despite being very in love with him. Men are stupid.

No. 115165

>>115159

>You said this was a problem in your previous relationship and is why you dumped your ex, so it's not a problem unique to him


did you even read anons post?

>I know he did it once to his ex, but that’s it


as for the original anon, your boyfriend sounds like a jealous insecure cunt, seeing how obsessed he is with the idea of you cheating its possible that hes projecting and is cheating himself. but then again thats quite a serious accusation and i dont know much about your relationship.

as for breaking up with him, idk how youd go about breaking up with him, since he sounds like the type of guy to lie about you cheating to blame it on you. this probably needs the insight of people who actually know about things like this instead of random people on an imageboard.

No. 115166

>>115165
>I am not really interested in dating someone who tries to tell me who I can be friends with, how I can interact with them, and how frequently (my bf knows this, as it’s the reason I dumped my ex)
is what that other anon is talking about

it's a bit weird to go on a beach trip with just another guy

No. 115171

>>115165
>did you even read anons post?
I did, and you're being unreasonably angry at a stranger on the internet. I was referring to what >>115166 anon said.
You seem to be taking this very personally.

No. 115180

>>115047
As someone in the opposite situation (husband is not very sexual and I'm the demented sexual degenerate) going against your nature can be what makes you happy. E.G. it's in most people's nature to just avoid their problems but that just gives you more and makes you feel worse and it's in most people's nature to eat as much sugar as you can but actually doing it will fuck your health up.

No. 115181

>>115150
Not trying to be rude by any means, but I seriously don't understand how you don't see where you're in the wrong and how you can't understand your bf's sense of being paranoid.

Based upon what you posted, it seems like he is getting paranoid about you going on vacation with some dude without him there as well. I think that would rightfully make most people feel some type of way. Honestly though, you are putting yourself in a shitty situation going on vacation with some dude while you're in a relationship. You can sit and say "Oh things aren't like that. They won't be!" But you won't actually know until it happens. I've known someone who did the same shit and ended up cheating on her bf even though she swore up and down that things weren't ever going to be like that.

No. 115183

File: 1558313205049.jpeg (226.83 KB, 1266x1280, 1556250690309.jpeg)

This is more of a vent since I think I know what I want to do. I met a guy online and at one point we both had feelings for each other, though he quickly changed his mind since he wanted to focus on uni. We remained friends, but he would complain about being single a lot; I felt like just saying "what do you want me to do about it?" since I still wanted to give him those things. So in my dumb bitch brain, I start using Tinder and encouraged him to do so too, hoping I'll get over my feelings, and if he did have feelings more me still, the same would happen for him.

One fucked up relationship later, me cheating, me attempting suicide, et cetera et cetera, this guy must think I'm a hot mess. He was the only person I could talk to about it all, and I feel guilty about unloading that on him.
I eventually get my shit together with Tinder Guy #2, who ended up dealing coke, which was just a footnote in my bad luck. This, after meeting because of a creepy "ex" who brought a plane ticket and hotel room after only knowing me a month, I'm surprised this guy still puts up with me.

Now I'm seeing someone else. Things are really great, except for the fact he doesn't talk to me most days and I haven't seen him in over a month. He works 14+ hours a day and just got a job with more hours in the winter. What's even the point? If he doesn't work out I'm just giving up.
So I start talking to my friend more because I started playing vidya again and because I was feeling ignored by this other guy. He seems happier now, and finished uni too. I'm also in a much better place, and all I want to do is shower him with affection because he deserves it, plus my PMS makes me all gooey and lovey-dovey. I'd do this even if I didn't have feelings for him still because it's fun and like I said, I owe him so much.
I don't expect him to like me anymore, god no. But he feels like the only guy who isn't fucked in some way, and I wish I could be happy with other people, but it's just messed me up trying. When he says he wants someone I just wish I could help, one way or another.

So I'm going to keep showering him with affection. It's his time in the spotlight, and I've found it therapeutic to support him where I can. That's my plan, that's all I've got. Still, I'd leave ghost guy in a heartbeat if he told me to, but I'm not doing anything till either I know how he feels or until it no longer becomes healthy to not say how I feel. Am I doing the right thing by just trying to be a friend and waiting on ghost guy till winter? Idk, and I should probably speak to someone IRL. I've been doing better lately, but this still bothers me.

No. 115190

>>115181
I’ve known my friend for years and we’ve gone on plenty of trips together, overnight stays, ect, and nothing has ever happened.

No. 115194

>>115181
Nayrt but that seems such a weird mindset to have. If both people in a couple are jealous types that prefer the other to not spend any alone time with friends of the opposite sex then that's one thing, but it's unhealthy and paranoid for just one partner to be. I would imagine anon has always had male friends, why should she suddenly cut that off because of this paranoid bf, who still won't trust her anyway?
Anons bf needs to get therapy if he wants to stay with her. His behavior is bang out of order and makes him either seem like he's cheated already or like the type to start beating her up to scare her into staying.

No. 115196

>>115150
Anon…How would you feel if your bf went on a 'beach trip' with just one of his female friends?
Some people are more jealous than others and you seem like a more independent person. Maybe you an ld bf aren't just compatible, plain and simple.

No. 115197

>>115150
>Also, if we do have to break up, I am afraid he’ll immediately claim it’s because of my friend.

If you break up because of this, it is because of your friend. Because you chose your friend over your boyfriend. There's really no other way to look at it when you put someone else's needs above your partners. I would hate it if the person I'm dating went solo camping with someone of the same sex. It honestly sounds like you are emotionally cheating. Do you still love your boyfriend?

No. 115201

>>115183
I feel like you should tell this friend how you feel. Men are not mind readers. Just make it clear you are very happy to continue the friendship should he reject you.

No. 115202

>>115166
I wonder whether this other guy is one of those guys that is playing the long game, and waiting for his chance to pounce. It is very strange to spend time alone going on trips with other guys when you have a boyfriend. Very few men have the resolve not to try and put their dick in it. Unless this male friend is gay, it seems like a ticking time bomb which is, assumedly, what the boyfriend thinks.
However, reading her PMs was wrong and he also sounds controlling and paranoid.

No. 115203

>>115164
It's strange he is so into anal but not pegging…like he knows anal is…gay sex right? And actually men can get pleasure from it by you hitting the prostate gland from the inside. He seems in denial about something, or has some mental issues he is not addressing. It shouldn't take more than 10 minutes to cum from oral, 30 mins deep-throating him sounds like torture.

No. 115204

>>115197
Yeah seriously. The whole situation reeks of emotional cheating.

No. 115205

>>115000
It's a mix of being more physically attracted to older men as well as craving that sense of maturity. I would really love to find someone around my age that's mature but I feel like it's so difficult. I feel like it's accepted in a way to just be an immature child well into your 20s and maybe even beyond that. Still, I'm pretty happy being single too so maybe I'll just stay single and hope for the best.

No. 115224

>>115190
While dating your bf?

>>115194
It isn't weird for anon to be considerate of her bf more than a friend or, as stated, some guy anon has lately been getting close to. It's a relationship. His feelings have to be considered as well. She's going to go on vacation with some dude, just the two of them. I think anyone would have a right to feel paranoid, especially if they aren't comfortable about that in their relationship. If roles were reversed, you'd probably tell anon to break up with the bf for being disrespectful, so why try to degrade her bf for it? It's her fault. She's the one choosing to put herself in a shitty situation.

No. 115239

>>115196
I’m definetly not the jealous type or the type to assume that just because two people are hanging out that there must be romantic interest. To clarify the issue with my ex was a different friend, and he told me I wasn’t allowed to have male friends what so ever. It’s not that I’m choosing “a friend” over my boyfriend- it’s that I am not interested in being told by someone that I can’t exist in friendships freely because it makes THEM feel bad. That seems like a them problem, not a me problem.

No. 115252

>>115239
Going on a holiday alone with a close male friend is not the same as being told you cannot "exist" in friendships.

No. 115254

Not in a relationship.

But I started talking to this guy a year ago, we text everyday and I am attracted to him. But it ticked me off all last summer we spoke and then he got with another girl from his music course. He told me this, I was a bit pissed off after all our talking and then I just told him to basically fuck off.

Months later after Christmas he hit me up and I was cold af. We spoke, he apologised. Okay then and we started talking. But I wasn't that invested? I felt a bit miffed over him basically just throwing me off but I get it is easier to meet someone in person than bothering with someone online like myself. Our conversations are kinda deep… so I felt a bit of a connection.

New York he invited me out.

I got ready, he told me the tickets for the place were sold out and he couldn't get anymore. I was super mad and he had his friends from london coming instead. So I messaged his brother (BAD MOVE) and I know I shouldn't have. He got mad at me for asking his brother if he was messing me around again. His brother never replied anyway. But we had an argument on the phone about it. It blew over and he was weird with me after that.

I just stopped caring.

We ended up meeting anyway like three weeks after. It was okay. He was super cold, quiet and I figured it was because of me asking his brother about him leading me on / messing me around. He told me he couldn't look past what I did and I did apologise, again.

It was okay. We spoke and walked around. He invited me back to his place. We hung out for an hour. He said to me, he wants fwb more than anything else and I don't know what I want. I'm just kind of in limbo.

He ends up being cold as fuck still and I got up and left. I just went home, it was weird. He didn't touch me or anything.

I asked him why he was being so icy still and he told me he didn't find me attractive in person. Now I don't know whether or not this was to hurt me but he was cold off the bat, soon as we met. I feel like he was spiting me more than anything.

But he goes "I still think you're cute" and I'm confused. It's confused me.

I drop it.

We still talked after that and I brought up some personal issues because I was feeling shitty. He could relate, he was open and we spoke about inner sadness, deep shit. I like being able to connect with a guy like that. He's a bit different but I don't know. He could just be messing with me.

We didn't speak for months. Now we've started talking again. He's being super nice, told me he's surprised I contacted him and we just spoke about general shit. He's into anime, gaming, sports, gym, music. I am too. We're both writers too, the fact that he writes and I write… it's just a thing for me.

Then he's asking if I'm still open to being fwb.

Thing is… I do find him attractive and I have thought about fucking him. I haven't fucked for months. He's my type too, tan skin, curly hair, nice thick lips, dark eyes, slim but a bit of pudge and hair on the chin. Peach fuzz.

I'd happily push him down, kiss him and just ride him for an hour or two. Even thinking about that gets me going.

But I feel like I shouldn't.

Like this is a bad idea.

My gut feeling and my desire are just fucking me up.

He's like "God I know you want to… I do too. You wanted to last time?" Which I did - but he didn't.

I never forced him or anything, I just got up and left since he was being a cold cunt.

But I don't know… honestly. I'm a bit shy when it comes to sex. I've had it a good few times but I always curl up, squirm and freak out.

I'm just worried I'll get in too deep and get hurt idk.

No. 115255

How do I stop thinking like a clingy crazy gf?
I live with my bf. I've been busy working the past 2 weeks as has he. When we get home we play games next to each other but I'm usually so tired I can't keep convo, cook food or stay up past like 9pm whereas he sleeps later (1am). I wake up earlier than him too so recently I'm only seeing him in this sleepy tired state after our days are over.
So we live together but it feels like we don't talk or bother with each other and I'm feeling kinda lonely… Even though he's right there. When I'm at work I think about him and I just feel extremely clingy that I'm missing him over nothing cause we see each other!

No. 115261

>>115239
NTA but if you're the OP, this problem is a you problem 100%. Also it's becoming exceedingly obvious you wanted validation for your feelings, not advice.

It honestly doesn't seem like you give a fuck about your boyfriend, so he's probably right to assume you're sneaking around.

No. 115262

>>115255
Not sure if this helps, but I asked my bf to stop staying up so late and in return started waking up an hour earlier to spend time with him in the morning. My bf and I both come home around 5:30pm. He used to immediately hop on the computer and play games until like 12:30-1:00am and then he'd try to watch movies, talk, etc., and by then I'd be too tired to do any of that. If your bf was not staying up so late he could probably wake up earlier and you could eat breakfast or drink coffee together before you get ready for work.

Now my bf plays for a few hours but we've come to an agreement where we eat dinner together and spend some time together, and 1:00am bedtime is not ok on weekdays. It sounds dumb but some people have to train themselves out of living that way because they've been doing it since high school.

No. 115266

>>115254
I honestly wouldn't be able to return from him declaring he didn't find me attractive in person.

I also think you are reading into him being cold because of some small faux pas you did. He sounds like he is just cold. You like the idea of him, but in person you find him cold and he even insulted your appearance. It just sounds like you are using each other for some attention, but nothing more could come of it other than what already has. A cold guy is not gonna give you satisfying sex either, it seems like a mistake to advance this any further than where you have it right now.

No. 115268

>>115254
This seems pretty obvious. He has been very straight forward with you. He wants to have sex with you but he doesn't want to date you. He seems like a piece of shit.

No. 115274

>>115266

That's what I mean - after he said that to me. I kind of shut off and now he's asking again. So I'm just stoic af with him.

I'll probably just leave it to be honest.

No. 115279

>>115164
And you're stupider for staying with him.

No. 115289

>>115279
He's the only person I have ever been with and I'm the only person he's ever been with. I have a feeling he is just very porn sick and doesn't know any better? I doubt I'll ever find anyone else who actually wants me so my options are limited, plus I have a year long lease with this person so I can't leave even if I want to. It doesn't really matter, he never initiates sex anyway (and when he does he has trouble staying hard or cumming) so it's easy to avoid being pressured. I am just saying the bad things though, he does try if I ask him to. I just wish he'd stop asking me to do things that hurt.

No. 115292

>>115254
He's a fuckboy and you will 100% get hurt. He doesn't give a shit about you, he just wants to pump and dump, it's incredibly obvious. If you're cool with being used like a cumsock then go for it. Otherwise just block him.

No. 115296

>>115289
Your bf is not listening to you and is being selfish, and you should tell him that it feels like he is pressuring you to do things he now knows first-hand aren't enjoyable, and what do you get in return? Baby tantrums? Does he even get you off? Are you putting yourself in discomfort for his pleasure when he can't even reciprocate that? How is that remotely enjoyable?
He should cut back on porn if he is using it frequently and stop comparing your sex to porn. Porn is usually fake. You are the woman he supposedly loves, sex is different with the woman you love. It's about pleasing each other and connecting, not about exhibiting for an unknown third viewer.

No. 115373

I've been feeling isolated lately and reading >>115255 cemented it. I live with my boyfriend, we eat dinners together half of the time, message a bit during the day and hang out most weekends but lately it feels like the attention he gives me is 'all or nothing'.
When he gets in from work he often goes straight to playing games with his friends online and I have to wait patiently between his games to ask him simple questions like if we're having dinner together. I like us having our own time, I have hobbies too, but if I don't pester him I might not hear from him all night. One time I sat reading only wearing a towel for two hours and he didn't even acknowledge me once. He sometimes plays until 2am and then goes straight to bed without even saying goodnight. I have repeatedly told him that I only want him to 'check in' on me between games so that it feels like we live in the same house, and he says he'll try, but he never keeps it up.
At the same time I'm doubting myself because I know that I do demand more attention than the average person. He never complains but I am textbook codependent and it's something I need to work on but on the other hand, I feel like I'm living alone for days at a time. If he told me specifically what nights he would be nonexistent then I could make my own plans but since it just depends on whether his friends are online, I never know. He's like schrodingers boyfriend.
After reading >>115262
I tried suggesting that I play the same game as his friends but he seemed doubtful, because I'm terrible at gaming, and just kept reminding me that I wouldn't enjoy it. I don't want to take the time he has with his friends away, but I just want some consistency.
I guess I'll just have to keep talking to him about it.

No. 115374

>>115254
Get better friends, someone who doesn't mess you around and disappear all the time. Get better benefits, because I promise sex with a cold guy like this won't be good.
If you're not 100% certain on something, especially when sex is involved, don't do it. That nagging feeling is probably your gut instinct telling you this guy called you unattractive and is giving off mixed signals, and everyone deserves better than that.

No. 115378

checking in inbetween games sucks imo. I think you should talk to him about reserving a few nights a week for the two of you like you mentioned. At least thats what i would do.

No. 115380

>>115373
This is sad. Fuck your bf.

No. 115388

>>115373
Hey I'm the anon who made the first post. I don't have any advice since talking to him about it barely changed anything but it is nice to see I'm not alone and someone else is also dealing with the same issue (and it bothers you as well).
We'll find a solution! I wish you all the best

No. 115395

File: 1558632871228.png (536.33 KB, 738x714, 324.png)

reading those previous few anons made me want a little advice too lmao

I see my boyfriend once a week or so, and I love him so much, but sometimes, I feel ignored. He's always on his phone, whether we're in a group or alone. It's to the point where it's making me feel like I have nothing important or interesting to say to him, and it’s impacting my self esteem to the point where I feel myself talking less around him.

If we're in a group, it's awkward because it's usually his friends all talking about something I'm not familiar with, so I get to occasionally chat and fraternize, but sometimes it's me sitting in silence for 15 minutes, nodding or asking annoying "who?" "huh?" questions while they talk about things you can't really join in on if you don't know what it is.

When we're alone, he'll pull the same thing; I have the option of sitting there fully silent for however long or mindlessly talking to someone who isn't listening until I get a "what did you say?"

On one hand, I see him so little, so when I get those 12-24 hours a week with him, I feel bitter than he wastes so much of it on his phone while I’m really trying to savor it

On the other hand, maybe this is just how most people are? Maybe date nights for others are just sitting on phones together and chilling, and I’m being a bit clingy or demanding? Am I just being a weird, anti-technology freak? If I bring this up to him, will I be laughed at because this is just how people usually are?

pls anons just any thoughts or advice on this

No. 115403

>>115395
It's really up to the person and who they're with, I've had times with my friends where we are just sitting together for hours saying nothing, however, this is because this is what we both want to do, if you really feel ignored you should tell him, how he starts after that should indicate how respectful of he is to your needs.

No. 115439

>>115395
I feel like you really need to talk to him about this. Not to excuse it but… Men don't seem to think about stuff like this.
Ill sit in silence with my bf and worry but he'll just be thinking about something and not wondering if he should be saying anything, or see it as a problem. When I raised the same concern with him he realised and changed his behaviour, so like other anon said it all depends on how he acts after you discuss this with him!

No. 115479

File: 1558740409589.jpg (9.86 KB, 275x153, 1493231087714.jpg)

I've been talking to this guy for a few months, but we've never met, only ever talked through Discord. It was going really well for the first couple of months and we decided to make things "official". However, a couple of months ago I travelled with a friend to go to a convention and, naturally, I wasn't very communicative throughout the weekend since I was having fun. Since then, he's become kind of unbearable. He's been jealous, paranoid, accusing me of being a slut and generally being a dick. He's joined each Discord server I'm in, stalked almost every guy I follow on Twitter, and he's regularly sitting in Twitch streams that he knows I frequent to keep tabs on what I'm saying and who I interact with. He's also been exhibiting suicidal behaviours since then.

Now, I've been in an extremely abusive, controlling relationship before so I'm super wary about this kind of behaviour because I know where it can lead. His behaviour has only been getting worse and it's been taking a toll on my mental health so I've considered ending things a few times, and today, after he went on an hour-long rant about how I'm obviously talking to someone else, I snapped and ended it.

He became suicidal and a mutual friend of ours called the police, worried that he would actually hurt himself. The police took him to the hospital to be referred. It seems like he has acknowledged that his behaviour was wrong, so he asked if I would wait for him until he gets better.

My head says no, that whether he gets better or not, the problems won't be fixed and it'd be better to just end things cleanly, but I really do care about this guy. He also says I'm the love of his life despite only talking to me since the start of the year.

Pls give me your thoughts and advice anons, am I too empathetic and need to learn when to jump a sinking ship?

No. 115481

>>115395
Why don't you just do things together..? Like watch movies, tv shows, go for a long walk, play vidya, etc.
Then you can talk about what you watched or what you're doing.

No. 115482

>>115479
>Pls give me your thoughts and advice anons, am I too empathetic and need to learn when to jump a sinking ship?


Yes.

No. 115484

>>115479
red flags everywhere

No. 115490

>>115479
>accusing me of being a slut
You should have stopped talking to him immediately after such a blatantly hateful comment, everything you've done since then has gone way above and beyond what he deserves.

Cut contact immediately, don't buy his uwu suicidal bullshit because so many guys try it on women they want to control and they never actually kill themselves.

No. 115504

>>115479
uhh so he's just some guy you've been talking to online? either you need attention more than oxygen or you're genuinely too immature and dumb to cut contacts. considering you said you've been in relationships before, I'm assuming the former.

No. 115505

>>115479
Stop acting like a hand maiden when that has more red flags than the Chinese government

No. 115510

>>115479
The first paragraph gives me "he will turn up at your house with a gun" vibes

Haven't even read the rest yet. He's a crazy fucker. Run

No. 115515

>>115479
Get rid of him. He's abusive and beyond controlling. Sounds psycho and like the type of dude to beat you if yall were together irl

No. 115538

>>115479

Are you serious? You haven't even met him yet. This guy is beyond creepy, get out while you still can. This sounds like the kind of insecure, manipulative dickwad that's more likely to kill you out of jealousy than to act on his threats of suicide. Newsflash, guys like that almost never end up killing themselves, he's just threatening you because he's pathetic and knows it.

No. 115560

>>115556
wtf is this post

No. 115565

>>115556
I think you've mistaken me for someone else, sperg-chan. lol

No. 115569

>>115556
Witness a breakdown live on Lolcow!

No. 115584

I met a guy I really liked on a short trip abroad with work, managed to convince him back to my country, and he stayed with me and we slept together for the week he was here. He has a girlfriend. He left just under a week ago but we're still messaging every day. We live on the opposite ends of the world so even if he was single a relationship would be impossible.

I'm 25 and this is the first time I've every simultaneously really enjoyed somebody's company and been attracted to them sexually too. It's also been the only sex I've ever actually enjoyed.

Clearly he's a rat and can't be trusted, but I keep going along with chatting to him, etc because I like him so much and I've never felt like this before. It feels so stupid and unfair that he's the first person I've had actual feelings for but he's clearly a dirtbag.

I know I should stop talking to him, and that I'm being hugely pathetic and cruel to his girlfriend, and allowing myself to be treated like an idiot, but talking to him makes me feel happy in the moment.

Basically, I know I'm making a fool of myself by being in this situation- any other anons been through something similar to the bitter end and can jerk my brain into behaving sensibly?

No. 115597

>>115584
You should be ashamed of yourself for sleeping with a guy that has a girlfriend. You're a dirtbag too, so you guys make a great pair.

No. 115598

>>115584
Leave this douchebag alone, and you aren't much better too. Would you like it if you were the girlfriend?

No. 115600

>>115584
Once you being a shiny new toy wears off for him he'll start treating you like he treats his current girlfriend. Cut him off and try to be a better person next time.

No. 115616

>>115378
Thank you, date nights really do help but I really just want him to be more than a part-time partner.

>>115388
You're not alone! I hope your talk goes well for you.
The day after my post my bf was so attentive from the moment he got home, after days of being distant, that I got frustrated and told him that he can't just randomly choose when he wants to play the affectionate boyfriend. We talked about it properly and he seemed to grasp that I'm not asking for him to stop having his own time, only for him to communicate that he's about to be busy for an evening etc. He promised to work on it, but also we've have this discussion before so I'm not hopeful. His emotional withdrawal and gaming tends to go up when he's stressed so maybe the next step is to threaten him with stress management techniques or something.

>>115395
Definitely talk to him about it. Obviously that's not working fantastically for my relationship, but you should still let him know how you feel. If you guys arrange to spend time together there should be some agreement on what you both expect that to be.

No. 115628

File: 1558979730159.png (492.71 KB, 553x548, rat.PNG)

>>115584
>Clearly he's a rat and can't be trusted

No. 115649

>>115597
>>115598
>>115600
>>115628
Thank you Anons! My friends have been telling me what I want to hear and I haven't been thinking about the bigger picture. I've been a cunt too. Thanks for giving me some perspective.

No. 115677

File: 1559035877698.jpeg (20.58 KB, 640x343, A28F8E95-E354-412D-B014-776E57…)

Farmers help. I looked through my boyfriends phone while he was sleeping (don’t fight me, I know it always leads to bad things) and I found kinda weird stuff. One thing was that he was looking through a semi-local escort page that we know my sister is on. He looked through a bunch of their pages and even went to some of their instagrams. I know he’s not trying to hook up with any escorts it’s just really weird. I feel super anxious and uncomfortable but I can’t really bring this up with him because then he’ll know I looked through his phone and will probably start deleting stuff. I find it weird that he did this coz these aren’t just random pornstars or something, they’re local escorts/real people? And he only knows about that site coz I told him about it when i found out my sister is on it (she’s not on it anymore I think). Idk what to do. I don’t think I’ll ask him about it I just need reassurance that it’s not TOO weird or something. Also, a while ago he used to follow a lot of instagram thots but I told him it made me insecure and he eventually stopped following them. And now I looked through his Instagram search history and he’s searching for thots and stuff again, plus the girls on the escort site.

God I wish I had self respect. I don’t want to be alone but I feel so insecure and sad all the time :^(

Sorry I just needed to vent, it’s very late and i don’t even know if this ramble will make sense.

No. 115678

>>115677
Maybe he thinks he needs to get off to "casual" girls rather than you because he can't see you wanting to be horny for him all the time? Does he think his sex drive is higher than yours or something? This doesn't mean he'll actually meet up with the escorts. Men are really weird when it comes to being horny in private, they think in absolutes like, "My GF is too pure, can't jack off to her, she doesn't deserve me when I feel dirty. I need to be pure for her too."

No. 115679

>>115677
Another thing. Lately we haven’t been having much sex. Maybe once a week or so? But at the same time he’ll go ahead and watch a ton of porn and jack off at least once a day. I think the other day he did it while I was in the shower. Sometimes he’ll watch porn before we have sex I guess to get in the mood (while I’m showering, so I’m not in the room). I don’t even try initiating sex anymore because almost every time the response I get is “maybe later” or “not now” but then it never happens.

I don’t know how to talk about my feelings in a constructive way, help. At most I’ve been sending him “days without sex” memes and trying to tell him I feel neglected but idk.

No. 115680

>>115678
That makes sense. His preferences are usually girls that are kinda opposite of me. And no I feel like my sex drive is higher than his, I’d rather have sex with him but it seems like he’d rather take care of himself most of the time. (See the other post I made)

No. 115686

>>115679
>>115680
Girl what the fuck are you doing. His sex drive isn't lower, he's just not attracted to you, dump him.
Also he sounds like a legit porn addict, so you'll NEVER have a decent sex life with him.

No. 115687

>>115686
Lol, thank you for helping me realize that. I feel dumb and embarrassed. I’ve been having insecurities about that for a while but I’ll bring them up and he’d always reassure me. I guess this is my fault, I’ve kinda stoped taking care of myself like I used to.

I wish I could dump him and I wish I realized we were incompatible way earlier but the situation is a little more complicated now, I’m preggo

No. 115688

>>115687
What is your emotional connection and communication like in general? Do you really want a lifetime with this guy? If he’s the right life partner for you then you should be able to have a productive conversation about sex. But if he’s regularly refusing your sexual advances, constantly jacking off to other women online and looking at escorts’ pages, he likely will visit escorts and cheat down the line.

No. 115689

>>115688
My communication isn’t good. I always get emotional and start crying when I talk about how I feel. A lot of times there are issues and I just sweep them under the rug because I’m too nervous to talk about them.

I do think this is an issue I will bring up with him and try to resolve. I would prefer to not throw the relationship away over this, everything else is good.

Should I tell him that I went through his phone and found the escort site?

No. 115690

>>115679
>>115687
I can understand you very well. I have the same thing with my bf, we have been together for almost a decade and don’t have sex anymore, although I do give him bjs often. Him jerking off became the normal thing. I know that many people will argue that we should leave those relationships, but it is not so easy after such a long time. I don’t want to give up this otherwise wonderful relationship with a person I love, but I also want to have a healthy sexual life. And I do want to work on our sex life, but I don’t know how.

No. 115691

>>115689

probably better to address the other issues before divulging that info or he'll get defensive and feel attacked

No. 115693

Me and my BF love each other dearly and have no real relationship issues I can think about, but now it's becoming long term and I've pretty much already made up my mind about never having children, at least not biological ones. His family is very traditional and asian and while he says he wants to have kids, I'm pretty sure the pressure is there because of his family expectations. I'm worried we have an expiration date and that I'm wasting my time. I want to believe we can make it work but I'm not so sure.

No. 115694

>>115690
Thank you. It sucks.
>>115691
Alright so he’s still sleeping and I decided to look through his phone again. Lol there are so many searches for my sister. Plus he just searched for his ex on Facebook yesterday. I don’t even feel guilty for snooping anymore

No. 115695

>>115694
Holy shit, well, if anyone asks why you broke up, "he tried to fuck my sister" is a pretty good reason

No. 115697

>>115694
ntayrt
Dump him. He's a weirdo. You can definitely find a nonweirdo. Be safe!

No. 115699

>>115694
Searching for his ex and your sis lol I don't care how wonderful you think everything else is in your relationship, this is gross as fuck and unhealthy. There's something wrong with him.

No. 115700

>>115677
Leave himmmmm

No. 115701

>>115694
Also since you said you’re pregnant it’s not going to get any better with the baby

No. 115705

>>115689
>everything else is good
Y'all always say this, and it never ends up being true. You sound like you always let him walk over you instead of communicating, there's NO WAY everything else is good, like c'mon, he wants to fuck your sister. If you stay with him you're just ruining your baby's life.

No. 115706

>meet amazing girl
>everything I want in life
>surprise, she's emotionally distant
>still wants to do everything a couple does but without the title
>seems suspicious, but can't say no because I never find anyone I like because I'm a very complicated person and tbh there's no one I connect with, ever
>I also am overly loyal
>we text every day
>she and I both talk constantly about how great the other person is
>dream about each other
>everything is 10/10
>she's kind of flirty with people online
>she doesn't really seem to have any issue with people flirting with her, like openly and harshly, she reacts to them with hearts
>mention it, she tells me "it's just sexual humor"
>I know I'm not dating her but like, being told you're that she's not interested in other people and won't do anything with them kinda sounds like breaking a promise, like cheating before you even get into the relationship
>really hard to trust her
>she mentions cheating in a past relationship
>she mentions she let a guy grope her, this guy's girlfriend was asleep upstairs
>"oh that's normal for guys"
>you can imagine how I'm feeling
>says she got out of a bad relationship
>says she can't handle anger and that it reminds her of her ex
>any time I call her out on something she makes me feel like shit and argues with me about things I did to her, brings up the past, interrupts what I'm talking about with her talking about how she was so hurt in the past or how damaged she is, instead of like, listening and taking responsibility
>never get any closure
>this repeats for like, two weeks
>despite not being in a relationship she tells me she doesn't want to see other people other than me and that she's not going to fall for anyone else
>this and a few other promises seriously confuses me how this isn't a relationship, but she's basically told me she's exclusive
>her shitty ex, who is also her baby daddy, is being abusive to her and fighting over their son
>all I want is to protect that kid's smile, and hers
>she tries to commit suicide during an argument because she cannot communicate for shit, doesn't even talk to me while she's doing it, ignores me all night
>feel fucking betrayed because I've been being her therapist and trying to show her I seriously care about her, trying to help her heal
>I'm as reassuring and understanding as possible about her not being emotionally ready for love but at the same time she really acts like it
>ignores important messages for 8hrs
>tells me she was "zoned out looking at memes"
>I'm obviously upset by this
>constantly interrupts me when I'm talking about something important or how I'm being hurt
>falls asleep on me when I'm opening up about my life being abused by my family
>is otherwise really caring
>says she's confused about her feelings and how she broke herself being codependent on her ex/baby daddy
>this is really disjointed and not in chronological order, but y'know
>lose my job
>have no money for rent
>I've had serious, like PTSD level struggles getting jobs, and being rejected by people, I have no idea how to write resumes or get jobs without referrals. employers always waste my time and I have no idea what I'm doing in life because no one raised me, am basically an orphan at this point
>watching the days wind down, realize I might have to kill myself because I can't handle being homeless again and will have no where to go and no job, even at the entry level
>she's upset by this
>I am an amazing employee, I work incredibly hard and always out-compete my coworkers by miles, no brag
>this makes me more insecure
>have employment gaps in resume because I had to take care of my BPD/alcoholic mother, couldn't move out because all my friends were in college and I don't have a car because family won't teach me
>everything is kinda crashing in my life, lost pets and family due to neglect and abuse and rape and some other stuff
>have no one
>watching the days tick down until rent is due
>still haven't buried the hatchet with girl because any time I try to talk things through she goes to sleep, leaves, or shuts off, ignores what I'm saying and only responds with "I don't know how to respond", or only responds to like one thing out of all of them with no real explanation
>she doesn't understand how that doesn't qualify as "talking things through"
>I'm swinging between hating her and loving her, she won't understand how what she's doing is affecting me emotionally
>get into argument where I'm talking about what things hurt me in life and how it's been impossible for me to find jobs because nothing I do works, I can't find anyone who likes me that I like back and leave, and I'm feeling the creep of time having like 4 days to live
>only real goal in life is to have a relationship with someone who loves me for who I am and who is like me. it's impossible for me to find someone who has everything in common with me, it's usually only 1 or 2 things
>she is really poorly trying to console me, it's making it worse because she's denying everything I'm telling her, and when people say I'm wrong about how people really are to me I get really fucking upset
>devolves into mental breakdown
>gets bad, bad
>says shes done with me
>won't recognize her own mistakes or how she needs to communicate if I am going to trust her with my feelings, which are always neglected or abused
>can't sleep, eat or think straight during the past two weeks of time spent applying in complete vain
>have 1yr of retail experience and fine dining experience in a rich-ass city as my first job, worked a two person position dishwashing. I feel like I should have gotten a job offer by now, but it's all automated replies saying no
>even for the most basic level shit
>2 days left
>she's not replying, still doesn't address or really seem to read what I'm telling her
>always says I don't accept that she cares and that I'm being insecure
>I have no idea how I'm supposed to feel secure with this
>I never open up to girls, and every time I have she's done something really awful or kinda dismissive

I know this sounds nuts but we've both been through a lot, and I can't really fix my life any other way. I love her to death but I feel her slipping away and I don't think I'll be able to handle it. I'm just here to vent.

No. 115707

>>115693
Guys often don't realize just how much damn work raising kids is. They just want to satisfy their nagging family. Do you or him have siblings with a kid? Offer to babysit with him. And don't let him slack while you do all the work.

No. 115710

>>115706
You're making retarded choices and justifying it with "I've gone through a lot". That girl doesn't want to be with you and you're wasting your life being obsessed with relationships, like seriously if your only goal in life is to have a relationship you'll only find shitty people that don't care about you anyway.

No. 115713

>>115706
Unless you're one of those people who enjoys a drama filled life with no stability, I would slowly drop this woman

>Has babydaddy and child

>Suicide attempts
>Demands exclusivity from fuckbuddy (you)
>Everything else you wrote

No. 115714

>>115713
Also good luck with the job hunt. Keep applying, but also try mailing letters and walking in and dropping off resumes in person, assuming you make a good first impression. Some places are hesitant to accept them but I've gotten interviews and jobs from mailed and dropped off resumes.

No. 115719

I have trouble dating anons.

I've got no trouble socializing or getting conversation going, but finding situations where you can ask someone out or 'make plans' is the hardest part.

It's hard because, well women are like men, busy, with shit to do. I don't imagine having men approach you (multiple times a day I can only assume) is something that is over quickly, or enjoyable when it's happening constantly.

So how then am I supposed to make use of a situation without making both of our days bad?





>>115678
How did you come to that conclusion, because wow that's beyond accurate for feelings I've had for my ex-girlfriends when we dated.

No. 115728

>>115719
This is a female only site. And the last part sounds like you have a madonna - whore complex. sex isn't dirty and sexual thoughts aren't either. You don't need to compartmentalize "pure girlfriend" and "dirty slut" and that is suggestive of mental issues on your part.

If you want a girlfriend, be friends with lots of women and look out for verbal/written hints about availability. Admiration and compliments which are specific to you. Men who approach women cold are weird. That's not how we work. We need friendship and trust.

No. 115730

>>115707
This is actually a good idea but I feel like it has the power to backfire magnificently. Inb4 he thinks they're cute and wants them even more.
>>115729
>FFXI
Poorfag. Play FFXIV instead. A lot of women play too.

No. 115731

>>115730
>FFXIV
Don't talk to me. I said CUTE girl, not slut. FFXIV is for braindead WoW players.

No. 115744

Ugh anons i have no clue what to do. My bf and i have been together for about 3 years. We've had our ups and downs, but nothing major. Today we had a fight over a fucking mop and he hit me. I had asked him to help change the mop head, but he was taking his sweet time so I tried grabbing it back and was going to try again myself. He got mad, took it back and said he'll do it because I'd break it. After about 3 minutes of tug-of-war he fucking karate chopped my arm so I'd let go. It hurt enough that ik it will cause a bruise.

In all 3 years he's never laid a finger on me angrily. I get that he was frustrated, tired and sick but that still should be no excuse?? To make it all worse, he blames ME and told me it's my fault because I should've let go.

I'm thousands of miles away from family and friends. I have 0 friends where I'm at so I have nowhere to go. I can't tell if im being irrational or not by wanting to take what little money I have left and try to book a flight back with my cat to my parents (who were actually emotionally abusive) or if i need to get over his "mistake" and stay. I feel so hurt and confused and don't know what to do.

No. 115756

>>115744

Hi anon. That's fucked. It's good that you acknowledge it tho, a lot of people would just pretend that never happened so they could get away with not changing anything.


It's alright to lose his temper a bit if he is frustrated, tired, impatient but hitting you really is crossing the line, this shows that he has no control over his anger, and it is a (huge) red flag.

I don't know what I would do, too. I am also in the situation of being very far from home. How did you react? Did he even say sorry? If he is still blaming you and acting like it is YOUR fault that HE hit you, I think there is no other way anon.

It will seem silly at first for him because he will read this as "you are leaving me because of a mop". Don't fall into that - you are NOT being irrational, you just noticed something about him that is fucking harmful. The fact that he does not notice it himself is much worse.

Anyway, good luck, but you should not ignore this. If you decide to stay be aware of your decision, don't just bury what happened in the back of your head so you can back to your old life before your bf hit you. It's impossible.

No. 115757

>>115744
Hitting you is never ok, but there's a slight difference between the garden variety of him smacking you to hurt you, and a frantic game of tug of war that ended in him going too far and karate chopping your arm to make you let go of something. The end result is still that he hit you, but it's honestly more concerning to me that he blamed you for his action. Did he seem surprised at all that he hit you?
If he apologised for getting caught up in the heat of the moment I could see it as forgivable, because it might have been an accidental secondary result of the fight you were both having for the mop, but the idea that he didn't think he went too far is worrying.

No. 115761

>>115757
I agree with this, that wasn't domestic violence, both of you seem stupid like why wouldn't you just let go of the mop. The biggest red flag is that he didn't immediately feel bad for hurting you.

No. 115763

>>115744
If you accept this now he will escalate. Now that he knows he can get away with it, it'll only get worse. Unless living with your parents would put you in such a bad financial situation that you can't ever get on your feet and move out, leave and go to them.

No. 115769

Side note: i don't mean any offense to sex workers, i just really hate this particular person.

So i've known my now boyfriend for a few years now. Although i've always liked him, when we first met i had another boyfriend, so i avoided him and his temptation. We lost contact for a few years, and then last year we started talking again and we got in a relationship.

The thing is, during those two or three years that we didn't keep contact, he met this infamous camgirl from my city. They met through common friends as well, as she is pretty social. She is known for being a petty mess, the type that can't have female friends.

This girl has had a crush on my now boyfriend for years now. Through the years he never reciprocated though, but i guess that she felt safe that he was single, and now that he got in a relationship with me she became way more aggressive. She sends him nudes and she does shit like literally push me away to sit in between us two. She grabs my boyfriend's butt in front of me just to bother me, although he gets legitimately angry and points out to her that this is assault and harassment and it's not a joke. She brushes it off and keeps doing it as if it was a game, until he literally yells at her. It's really annoying.

My boyfriend didn't pay any attention to her when he was single because, well, she is tacky, ugly, unhygienic, broke, and a mess in general. She is like a black version of shay, but even worse because at least shay has enough money to get her nails done and the care to keep her hair, eyebrows and moustache looking decent (this camgirl even has a thread in a local imageboard where people shit talk her on her ratchetness and attitude, that's actually how i first found out about her, about 6 years ago).

She snuck into my boyfriend's group of friends by starting an "open relationship" with the token loser friend (poor guy btw). And just to be clear, it was other people in the group that made me aware of this, this is not a crazy theory by me. Everyone knows she likes my boyfriend but dates this other guy just so she can force herself into this group.

Me and my boyfriend both have university degrees and jobs and we have nothing to do with her scene. Everyone in the group has a degree and a stable job honestly, she literally snuck into a group that had nothing to do with her.

This situation is super annoying. She gets super petty like she wants to fight, and i'm like bitch get a clue? We're not even on the same league so why would i step down to fight her? I don't even want to interact with her and i try my best to ignore her but she has a way of forcing herself into any situation.

I also think she has munchausen, because she does this weird ass shit in which she makes herself sick on purpose and then calls my boyfriend to take her to the hospital because her bf doesn't have a car. Last weekend she starved herself for days and then drank a lot of alcohol and then swallowed a full box of over the counter painkillers (harmless pills but they'd still hurt her stomach). Of course she started puking and called my boyfriend for help. He's fed up at this point so he told her to call an uber.

I don't want either of us to be anywhere close to this ratchet mess. But my boyfriend can't just stop hanging out with his friends.

I know i sound like a horrible person but this petty ass slut is always trying to fight me as if this was high school and i'm like, you know, a grown woman that actually acts her age. I just don't want deal with this shit, i'm like the least confrontational person in the world to begin with.

Sorry for the salt.

No. 115770

>>115744
>he was taking his sweet time so I tried grabbing it back and was going to try again myself
You had asked him to change the mob head, he did so, not meeting expectations (timeliness)
>I tried grabbing it back
Were you standing over him while he was doing this? Did you hand him the mop and he continued doing something else? This is where things get tricky because you trying to grab the mop back can be perceived as aggressive, especially considering the circumstances.
>He got mad, took it back
Yeah, I would probably get mad too.
>After about 3 minutes of tug-of-war
What the fuck, anon? Why didn't you let go?
> he fucking karate chopped my arm
"He hit me"… No, not really.

What you described is genuinely juvenile. Both you and your bf are in the wrong. Swap you and your bf with two children fighting over a toy, it's the same thing.

Never, ever, should you lay your hands on anyone, and your bf is absolutely wrong for doing this, but your behavior is toxic as well. It actually triggered me a little bit because it reminded me of my mother. She would do the same shit you described, asking me to do something, getting mad when it wasn't done right, forcing herself on me and berating me for being incompetent as she did it for me…

If your parents were emotionally abusive, it's probably caused you to normalize these types of behaviors. I think you should both go to therapy if you want to keep this relationship going.

No. 115774

is it normal to doubt the relationship every month or am I just fooling myself into thinking it could work rest of the time when it actually won't?

No. 115777

did any one of you ever broke up with someone, regretted doing it, then moved on?

i don't even know if i regret it. i just feel awful.

we'd been in a 3+ year relationship, but we'd recently, temporarly, gone long distance and the problems we had kind of amplified and after 2 attemps at taking a break and 1 failed attempt at a break up we finally actually broke up. the main reason was, even though he told me he'd do his best to correct his behaviour (his jealousy, being uninterested in my life and hobbies, not doing anything to fix his depression and general mental health and letting it disrupt our relationship) after him disappointing me so many times i was done, and when he asked me if i even loved him anymore i said "i think something about that is gone from my heart" (can't really translate, english is not my first language) and he said there is no point to him trying anymore since i don't love him anymore and that we should break up. i said okay. and we did.
(note: i should have broken up with him properly, i know that. i shouldn’t have made him say it. i was a coward and hate myself for it. i tried before, failed, because of how much i couldn’t stand seeing him upset.)

even though i very well know my reasons for breaking up, and think they’re valid, i still question my decision like, “what if i only broke up with him due to major fomo, because i thought the grass was greener on the other side?” i miss him so much sometimes. but i don’t know if i miss him, or having someone that would hype me up basically, and accept me for whoever i am. is this natural? is questioning your decision, after 2 months it happened, something that happens in all break ups?

i just feel like an awful person who broke someone’s heart. who missed the only chance at happiness. this is all supported by the fact that i’m 25, and even though last year i’ve achieved a dream that i had for a long time, i still haven’t graduated undergrad and have no clear plans for my future (but i mean to work on that). both my parents also passed away (dad when i was 17, mom when i was 23 after battling cancer) so aside from my sister whom i have a rocky relationship with i basically have no support system left.

i feel like a failure, and like i’ve made a mistake and can never be happy again. i think i’ll hate myself for the rest of my life.

i don’t know if this is me being dramatic or… if it’s just true.

No. 115778

>>115777
doubleposting, sorry, but just to make it clear: i very much wanted to break up with him. it didn't happen at that moment as a surprise, i tried before because for a long time i wanted out of the relationship, even though i loved him i was done.

No. 115781

>>115769
She unironically seems like the kind of person to rape your bf if he made the mistake of passing out in the same house as her. Warn him to watch himself around her.

No. 115791

>>115769
Holy shit, wtf. Man this makes me appreciate the unexciting/uneventful life I live with my bf. You guys are what, in your mid-twenties? Sounds like a lot of unnecessary drama for two adults with a career…

No. 115798

>>115769
Can't he just ask his friend not to bring her? What's the problem?

No. 115801

>>115777
>being uninterested in my life and hobbies
>but hes mad you don't love him
Girl, what does he think love is? Clearly he didn't love you, it doesn't even sound like he was infatuated with you even if he was uninterested. He tried to make you feel like you did something wrong and it's all your fault and clearly it's succeeded. Move on from his garbage ass.

No. 115805

Anons, how do you know when you really like/love someone? I keep expecting it to be a huge thing, like being head over heels for someone, but I've only felt lukewarm towards most of the guys I like/I've liked lol

No. 115833

>>115805
Why do you need to be head over heels? Find someone compatible with you. He needs to find you useful and you need to find him useful. Sadly life's not a fairytale.

No. 115840

>>115798
She would show up anyway, she does even when they agree to hang out "boys only, no gfs". I guess she considers herself "one of the boys". She's the type to force herself into everything.

Also her boyfriend is oblivious to her actions. He's excited that a popular girl wants to be with him so he stans her hardcore.

The only solution i can come up with is having my bf hang out with them without me. She pursues him more aggressively when i'm there, i guess she's trying to cause a fight.

I trust him so i don't mind that he goes alone, although it's a pity that i can't hang out with that group.

>>115781
Luckily the girl's boyfriend is always around, as well as other friends. However there was this one time when the guys decided to stay over at a house (because too drunk to drive). The following day she sent my bf creepy pictures of himself sleeping. Not like funny pictures of him passed out in a sofa. No. She took the pictures in the dark. Pictures of him tucked in bed in the middle of the night, while everyone else was asleep. i don't think she did anything else to him, but that was creepy and he never stays over anymore.

>>115791
Bf is 25, i'm 27, girl's bf is 30, and idk the age of the girl but she seems mid to late twenties as well. I've never had to deal with drama before, heck, i was always the quiet kid in school. I try to act like i'm past that and like the situation doesn't bother me but it does.

No. 115890

I need advice on what to do with a boyfriend who has bad hygiene. I feel so bad even writing about this, I really love this person and I do not want to break up with him. He is a very good person and treats me well. The problem is that he was raised to not care about hygiene. He showers everyday but he never brushes his teeth. I have to nag him to do it because I'm scared the rot from his teeth will spread to mine. His teeth are really bad but when he brushes they don't smell so it's tolerable. He also has athlete's foot and I begged him to cure it before we moved in together and he said it went away. It didn't. I have athlete's foot and my cat has ringworm now. I keep nagging him to use the foot cream twice a day but he only uses it once or not at all. He sits around in his dirty underwear from work which smells like swamp ass. My furniture now smells like swamp ass. I asked him to please wear pants and to shower immediately after work and change into fresh underwear and he did.. for a few days. He also used to brush his teeth everyday for me but now I have to nag him like I'm his mother.

I don't know what to do, I had a breakdown today over my cat getting infected with ringworm (it's the same fungus as athlete's foot) and I just don't know what to do anymore. I absolutely love this person but I can't keep mothering him like this. He also never cleans unless I ask him to do it. Basically I spend all morning and evening cleaning up after him because he thinks he's doing a good job but he isn't. He thinks bringing his dishes into the kitchen and putting his clothes in the hamper is the same as actually cleaning the house. I don't know what to do, I feel like the biggest bitch always on him about something and it's making me resent the shit out of him. He will do these things when I ask, but he never does them by himself. Someone please help me. I don't know what to say anymore, I keep being meaner and meaner about it and I made him cry today when I was upset about my cat getting sick. I feel so cruel, like I don't want to be so blunt about it. It hurts having to tell someone you love that they are making the furniture smell like ass.

Sorry for the vent/rant, I'm not sure anyone could help with this but I needed to get it out. He also knows I post here and will possibly read this. I hope he doesn't.

No. 115891

>>115890
Is it depression? I had a BF like that who wouldn't bother because he was depressed. If it's just shitty upbringing you have to either force yourself to train him or not put up with it. I personally stopped trying to be mommy gf so I'm biased toward the latter.

No. 115900

>>115890
I don't believe men can be trained, that was his parents job when he was young. He can't even brush his teeth ffs. Good luck anon, at least you have love in your life I guess.

No. 115909

>>115890
Maybe you have to be a little harsh… To me it seems like in the beginning you were being too "nice" about it and thus he doesn't understand the severity of the situation. Tell him directly that it's making you unattracted to him, that the smell is too much for you to handle, and that you want to be his partner not his nanny. Especially if you tell him it makes him less attractive, he will naturally feel shame and step it up hopefully.

Are you still being intimate with him? Do you hug him and kiss him? If so that could also be sending mixed signals to him, that it's ok to be stinky because you aren't running away from him

No. 115911

>>115890
girl, this is fucking disgusting. he gave you athletes foot and infected your cat with ringworm, makes your furniture smell like bo, and his breath constantly smells like shit because he doesnt brush his teeth. how can you live with someone like this.

youre being way too tolerant of this bullshit. you need to be way harsher and tell him how absolutely disgusting this all is. he is endangering the health of everyone in that house.

No. 115928

>>115890
He cried? Because you wanted him to act like a basic functional adult?
This isn't some small issue, so don't blame yourself for being upset at him. Sure, it could be depression, but you are not responsible for his apathy. You can suggest he talks to someone, but the fact he cried just screams "manchild" in my experience; if it is his upbringing or some deeper issue, just be prepared to walk away because not everyone is willing to change.

No. 115929

I am afraid he's gonna do very bad things to me. What to fucking do? There's no evidence so can't call shit. Jesus life sucks. My stomach ties a knot. Let's hope I am just crazy. At least it will stop the knot.

No. 115931

>>115929
where do you live, anon? try to contact a domestic violence shelter in your area. you dont usually need any evidence to stay with them, and you will be safer.

No. 115935

>>115931
"you think I'd date a guy like that?"
I am in no position to say that, because I was too kind with every single human on earth and that opened the door for him both literally and not so literally. Should have been a "stacy whore" or a "bitch slut" or whatever incoherent shit he rambles. I am just scared and was watching the door that has a window. Then I realized it's even scarier, where should I go? Can't tell my mom she'll think i'm crazy, and I already did before. Seeing the news doesn't calm me down at all. I just hope he an heroes or get sent to jail/nuthouse or whatever so I can feel guilty instead of scared. Or I will be diagnosed with schizophrenia so I can take my pills. I can't say anything more even now I'm scared it will haunt me back.

Disregard my schizophrenia if domestic shelters will house me permanently. But even then going outside scares me. I don't know what to do but since I already opened the door any barking against him will end me damaged, what degree I don't know. Fuck. I am such an idiot.

No. 115936

Someone who used to be close to me, but I’ve distanced myself because it was actually one of those “it’s not you it’s me” things, is feeling suicidal

By sheer luck I saw them post on tumblr (I don’t have a tumblr, but I just look friends up sometimes) and I’m pretty sure their significant other and whoever else is close to them is handling it, but would it be wrong for me to try reaching out to them and send some words of encouragement via anon?

No. 115938

>>115936
If you can find a way to not get your ass busted. Autists have those trackers n shit. Kindness from someone he doesn't know who never is only painfully mysterious, as long if he never discovers it.

No. 115940

>>115938
Would you happen to know if there's any way they can pinpoint my specific device or location or is it more of a general thing?

I'd be mildly okay with even my IP being located because that's not too specific and even just looking up my IP right now it gives the wrong county because I guess that's where the internet company mostly operates out of

But hey, I can always use some sort of temporary vpn, if you think that's a good idea

No. 115946

>>115940
>temporary vpn
lol

No. 115947

>>115946
I'm just going to download tor and hope for the best
If I get caught, oh well, at least I'm trying right?

No. 115952

>>115946
Jeebus, just send that supportive anon ask, you don't need to get out your tor browser to send someone a supportive message on anon.
You can't track someone as a tumblr user

No. 115955

>>115952
Not so fast, I don't remember everything so clearly because it was a long time ago, but there was this one girl that called this girl on her ask fat ugly etc… and the girl on her blog exposed her asks with this screenshot and it showed everything: which vpn she used and how long she was browsing her shitty blog and it was all so creepy how she knows how to do that, more creepy than the asker using a vpn just to insult her a bit.

But the internet is weird, maybe it was a ruse. I like to believe that at least. If it wasn't a ruse, she'd really need to be behind on 7 proxies.

No. 115964

>>115955
Okay, but there's no need to hide your identity because you're…still caring for an ex friend? You're not committing an atrocity or attacking them, worst case scenario they want to be friends again.

No. 115967

>>115964
I thought she meant her ex boyfriend. I don't even know why. Yeah she doesn't need to if it's not her ex boyfriend.

No. 116008

I think I fucked things up with my long-distance crush.

He lives like 500 miles away from me, and we haven’t met up yet. He’s not my boyfriend. But we’ve been talking nonstop for several months, and we obviously like each other.

I recently moved back to my hometown. I have an ex here from like a decade ago who still messages me constantly, and I just ignore him. But a few nights ago I went out and we hooked up. I’m not trying to get involved with him again, it was just a stupid one-time thing and I’m going to continue to ignore his messages.

But this crush and I had been texting earlier in the night and I sort of disappeared, so he (correctly) assumed I was getting laid and started making jokes about it. When I checked my phone later, I started joking back and eventually basically confirmed that I had, in fact, gotten laid. I didn’t think he thought it was that big of a deal, since he was joking about it. And I didn’t want to lie to him and say I hadn’t done anything, because, well, I don’t want to lie to him. These things eventually have a way of coming out.

Then he did a 180° and started talking about how he’s disappointed in me, how I “wasted” all the sexual tension and longing we’d built up over the past few months, I betrayed him and broke his trust, he’s not really into this anymore, and on and on and on.

I feel like shit that I hurt his feelings. I know I’d be really sad if I found out he hooked up with someone else. And I’m glad he’s telling me this, because I hadn’t realized he actually caught feelings, and I was kind of agonizing over it, because I really like him, and I feel ridiculous for it.

But at the same time, he’s not my boyfriend, and I don’t think I’d just scrap this whole thing if I found out he hooked up with someone. I feel like this is a little drastic. We’ve never talked about being ‘exclusive’ or anything like that. If we had, I honestly would have never done this—I would have been happy to be in a long-distance relationship with him.

Sorry, I’m trying to keep this short.

I like him so much. What the fuck do I do?

No. 116009

>>116008
I mean yeah, it's not fun to know that the person you like fucked someone else that isn't you, but if nothing official or exclusive was declared, then it's fair game. He is just some dude on the internet and you too are just some chick on the internet.

Everyone has needs and you're not at fault. If anything, it was just bad communication between you two and maybe you should ask him to meet up and then consider something a bit more serious.

In any case, he's being a bit of a baby imo, but it's understandable.

No. 116010

>>116009
We met in person first, a long time ago. We have several mutual friends, but we all live in different cities now, and he & I haven’t seen each other in like 10 years. We were planning to hang out again but now he’s saying he doesn’t know if he even wants to. Which sucks because I feel like everything would be fine if he would agree to meet just once.

No. 116011

>>116008
>>116010
>I’m not trying to get involved with him again, it was just a stupid one-time thing and I’m going to continue to ignore his messages.
Very bad judgement.
Honestly, there's nothing you can do except deal with the consequences. If a guy I liked did what you did I would be extremely turned off and question his entire character. People who "hook up" aren't appealing partners. I don't think he should have thrown a tantrum over it, technically you didn't "betray" him because you weren't a couple. Still a sleazy thing to do though.

No. 116012

>>116008
You broke his trust for a cheap hookup, what did you think would happen? If I was starting something with someone and they went and fucked someone else I'd be absolutely heart broken and I'd lose respect and feelings for that person. When you slept with this guy did you even think about how it would make the other guy feel? Did you even care? And why did you tell him? Was it to make yourself feel less guilty? I can't imagine that you truly believe what you did was okay if you are trying to start something with someone else. I see people defending you on here, but if the situation was reversed and he had slept with his ex, everyone would be telling you to ditch that loser and to have some self respect.

No. 116013

>>116008
You're kinda treating that ex badly for "ignoring his messages" and then hooking up with him.

I think you made a mistake but the other guy is just being possessive over someone he was not exclusive with. Maybe he feels like the other guy got "his" shag after he buttered you up for months. He also may be intimidated to know there is a guy in your city who is actively interested in you and might come after him.

There are a lot of variables here as to why this LDR got upset, but for once on here I am gonna side with the guy, while completely understanding that you felt insecure, you were not official, and he tricked you into the admission. You can only keep chatting with him and see if you can get back on track.

No. 116014

>>116013
I should add that while sleeping with other guys might make you think you are desirable and hot property, men don't view us this way and unfortunately other active male participants lowers your "value" according to them, rather than emotionally pushing them to hurry up and meet you.

There's also a real risk of him never meeting you - some of these guys just like having a friend "in their phone" and actually have no interest in making it real.

Partially because it's a lot easier to carefully phrase conversation with you in their own time, than be nonstop friendly and warm in person, say the right things, give the right body language.

No. 116016

>>116011
>Very bad judgement.
>sleazy
Yeah, I know.

Not to defend it, but I don’t usually “hook up.” He and I have been ~talking~ for about four months, and I haven’t hooked up with or “talked” to anyone else (until this thing).

>>116012
I didn’t really know we were “starting” anything. We’ve been texting back and forth for four months. We talk on the phone sometimes, we’ve FaceTimed a handful of times, and we still haven’t hung out in person. I’ve confessed to him that I have a huge crush on him and tried to make plans to meet up. He’s sweet to me, but I also feel like maybe he just wants more lewds, you know? And I’m a dumb bitch so I keep on sending them because I don’t really know how he feels and I want him to keep talking to me.

Anyway. Fuck. Sorry.

>>116013
The ex only texts me because he wants to hook up. I don’t feel bad for ignoring him.

No. 116028

I agreed to a threesome with my bf and best friend (lol I am a dumbass I know) and I am sort of regretting it now. My one rule was no mouth to mouth kissing and they broke this immediately. They made out for like 5 minutes and he was way more passionate when fucking her than he was with me and I felt neglected the entire time. There was a point where I tried to get his attention and she pushed me away and told me to wait. I was okay with it originally because we're all close friends and kind of weird so I thought it'd work. Is there a bring up how this made me feel without seeming like a bitch because I did agree to it originally and thought it would be fun? Both of them are already joking about it and making memes in the groupchat so I feel like I'd be a bitch by telling them how I feel.

Anyway, lesson of the day, threesomes are bad. Not worth the amount of emotional investment if you're even slightly insecure. lmao

No. 116029

>>116028
This hurt to read. It sounds like they wanted to fuck each other more than they wanted to fuck you. Even if it sounds whiny, you should tell them (or even just your bf) that the threesome felt one-sided and shitty.

No. 116030

>>116028
This hurt to read. It sounds like they wanted to fuck each other more than they wanted to fuck you. Even if it sounds whiny, you should tell them that the threesome felt one-sided and shitty and just outright admit that you didn't enjoy it when they bring it up. Say "sorry" if you must but hold your ground.

No. 116031

Yeah, threesomes involving friends are a bad idea. I'm not a fan of any kind of threesome to be honest. I'm sorry you went through this.

No. 116035

>>116028
Dump him. The relationship is over the minute you both even thought about bringing in other people.

No. 116037

>>116028
If you're set on trying to make this work, even though it's sad that your bf had more passion for the other woman, there's nothing wrong with bringing up how you felt like the third wheel.
If they're not selfish morons they'll listen to you, but I dunno. Doesn't sound like they have a good track record of being nice to you. What "best friend" would agree to this? I can't imagine.

No. 116041

>>116028
This is like a nightmare…trust they will be fucking on the side for months until you break up. The enthusiasm bodes badly, along with continuing to joke about it while you were obviously unhappy.

Group sex is gross imo and is just an excuse to either cheat without consequence, or be essentially single while presenting the ideal of a faithful relationship to outsiders.

Btw don't let this affect your confidence. I'm sure you are equally as hot as your friend, or more, unfortunately men have this "novel woman" thing where they will be more sexually excited about a new person over a trusted partner. Just a shitty biology thing, but for that reason I suspect your relationship is over now.

No. 116042

File: 1559457066462.png (452.41 KB, 1440x1611, Wiki.png)

>>116041
Referring to this Shitty Thing, pic related, which is also why guys with limited braincells prefer hookups.

No. 116045

>>116028
Honestly it sounds like they planned this separately and had feelings for each other before it happened. Way to cuck yourself, anon. You should probably find someone new because there's no coming back from this.

No. 116050

>>116028
wow, that sounds horrible. i'd say tell them both immediately, and honestly, without joking around. watch them closely as they react, especially your bf. if he doesn't look surprised, regretful and apologetic you have your answer. but, even though my gut feeling also says that they're probably into each other, there might be a misunderstanding and it could just be that your bf failed to understand what was going on, because men are dumb. depends on you whether you want to make this a teaching moment or just cut your losses.

definitely and absolutely cut out that "best friend" though, she isn't you friend.
> she pushed me away and told me to wait
what a fucking whore.

No. 116051

>>116050
Weren't they all being whores though?
>>116028
Never ever do trios or anything like that. This married MILF wanted to house me and she was rich but I rejected.

No. 116052

File: 1559466998003.jpg (70.2 KB, 500x610, crush.jpg)

>>116016
Anon, you don’t have to defend yourself and you are not at fault, even though some others ITT try to make you feel that way. You shouldn’t have told your internet crush, though. He obviously just asked you about getting laid out of insecurity and mistrust. And while it’s honorable that you told him the truth, it was really not necessary because you guys are not exclusive and it’s none of his business. Plus, texting him such things right after getting laid (that is what it sounds like) is just extra mean. I can understand that he is hurt. You should tell him what you told us (didn‘t realize it was that serious, but you’re happy he feels that way because you do the same, really sorry for misinterpreting the situation and hooking up, wouldn’t have done that otherwise…) and try to keep contact with him. It probably needs some time! And it doesn’t sound like he just wants lewds from you tbh, but maybe right now is not the best situation to send them to him, either. It sounds like you’re still doing it, which could be an extra turnoff right now.

The problem I have is actually the opposite. I also had an internet crush and have been talking to the guy everyday for a while now. We get along really well and there was lots of sexual tension in the beginning, which I really enjoyed. We agreed to meet up within the next months, too. However, he recently has stopped smoking weed and went through a pretty harsh withdrawal phase which was a wild ride, because he suddenly became very bipolar, either being super furious and mean, hyper and manic or super depressed. I helped him through that phase by just being there for him, staying up with him when he couldn’t sleep and nurturing him. This actually made me feel really close to him as a friend and created a very trustful, intense relationship. But it just destroyed all sexual tension. I care for him a lot as a friend now, but his baby antics while stopping weed really killed my attraction for him. I tried explaining this to him, which he appreciated, but he thinks that this is a thing he can fix by proving himself. I highly doubt that; also because I was attracted to his chill, reticent, high (which I didn’t know at that point kek) persona, not the quirky guy he is now. Since I like him a lot as a friend and we also play the same online game in the same group, I don’t want to ghost him or anything. I also respect him too much for that. But I also don’t feel like meeting him in person right now and I don’t get horny anymore when he tries to change the tone from friendly to sexual in our current conversations, while I got incredibly horny before. This really sucks.

No. 116054

>>116051
idk, i've never had a threesome and haven't made up my mind about it still, there are too many variables. having a threesome while in a relationship is really dumb though, not gonna lie.
were they being all whores? in regards to the threesome, maybe. but if i had my best friend push me away from my boyfriend i'd cut her out no matter the situation.

No. 116056

>>116041
I feel like a problem in all my relationships is that I try excessively to be chill and fun even when I'm uncomfortable. One of my biggest fears is being seen as a controlling, boring etc.

No. 116067

>>116056
Does that make you happy? What good does that do for you? Put yourself first. If you want to be a people pleaser, at least save that consideration for the wonderful guy and the amazing friends who will actually care about you and reciprocate instead of gutter trash who will never give a shit about you. You see what I'm saying? Save the good treatment for the people who are actually worth it.

No. 116078

>>116067
This. I've learnt the hard way that being a "cool girl" never, ever benefits you. Guys like this are never going to say "wow my gf is so chill", they're just going to abuse the shit out of it and take a mile when you give them an inch until they drive you into a corner, and then they call you a crazy, controlling bitch anyway if you don't give them what they want or dump you when they've had their fun walking all over you and your lack of boundaries. See: ProJared.

All you can do when you spot a person like that is hold your ground, cut contact and run the other way because these men don't stop until they get what they want.

I was called naggy, paranoid and controlling after I found out my ex had severe yellow fever and was flirting with his online "friend" who he requested foot fetish and toe sucking (lol) pictures from, and I told him to stop. He told me "I can't tell him who he is and isn't allowed to talk to". Until then I'd been doing my best to be a good gf who is cool with everything, and it still wasn't enough, and I was still the bad guy. Then I got dumped when I put my foot down, no pun intended.
I learnt my lesson. Never compromise on your feelings and trust for some shitheel who's just going to manipulate you further. People like this don't care about you or your relationship.

No. 116082

I feel like a piece of shit and want to cry but I know it's probably not as bad as what other anons have done and I need perspective. I went out with my friends (they're together) for our b-days and I got way too drunk. Like, stumbling and going to faint drunk, and I've been very drunk before, but never this drunk. We did a photobooth thing when I was definitely drunk but before I was at that point. They joked about taking scandalous shots where we were like making kissy faces and I felt like I shouldn't be doing it but I felt too drunk to do anything about it and the timer went off. We look like we're full on kissing in the pics and like her lips actually touched mine but it wasn't a kiss, and I didn't want or mean it to be, it was more like duckfacing tbh. But I feel so guilty I could cry. I was wearing a wedding ring because I was afraid that people would try getting with me while I was too drunk and would end up in a situation like that but worse. I'm equally not interested in people when I'm drunk and when I'm sober but when I'm drunk I have less sense and ability to keep myself from being taken advantage of or getting into stupid situations so I get paranoid.
I honest to god keep wanting to cry because I'm dreading telling my fiance but I need to, I have to, I cannot deal with not telling him. The less anxious part of me thinks he will take it ok since he knows I'm faithful and would see how freaked out I am. At the time this was happening I was just silly and a bit out of it, I have no attraction to the girl (she's cute but I'm super monogamous and don't feel anything toward her but friendship.) She's bi but she's also just really…like that I guess with her friends? Calls her friends "love" and is very sweet to them. I've met women like this before to some extent. But I don't know, when I saw the photo my heart sank and my anxiety shot up. I don't know if I should tell my friends that I can't do stuff like that and that I'm really uncomfortable and it's just my morals/loyalty, because at this point idk if my bf would be overly upset or not, but even if he wasn't, I still wouldn't feel comfortable on principle. I fell asleep on their couch and they took care of me while I was smashed, I know they're good people, but I also am too socially retarded to know if someone is trying to pick up on me or is just open/friendly/sweet. I was waking up over and over again filled with overwhelming anxiety even when I was on their couch because of that and kept getting hit with it before too, it just got harder and harder to distract myself the more I sobered up.
All day I've been thinking about my boyfriend with a mixture of fear and love because I can't hurt him or lose him. I'm supposed to marry him. I know that he's gotten into comparable situations but I blame myself for letting this happen. I know I sound crazy and it's because I kind of am. Anxiety disorders are hell.

No. 116084

>>116028
>Agreeing to threesomes
I know it sounds hot, but it really is just not healthy sexual behavior. The relationship you have is possibly going to be more difficult.

No. 116086

>>116082
Unfortunately, you cannot go back in time and change what happened, the best solution is to explain it honestly and you will just have to deal with how he reacts really, its up to him and that's only fair. I know it is scary but its what he deserves.
From the sounds of it though, you weren't intentionally trying to kiss this person and it was a accident so try not to blame yourself so much and ease off yourself, you haven't really done anything wrong from the sounds of your post. You just need to think on for next time you drink or hang out with these people. Also, try to get this across to your partner and give him time to deal with it in his own way.

No. 116087

>>116082
hey anon, relax! believe me, i have anxiety as well and i completely understand you, overthinking this and getting nervous about it.
if you guys are engaged, i assume he knows you pretty well and trusts you. i'm sure if you explained the situation like you did here, he'll understand you guys will laugh about it in no time. he might warn you about your drinking habits, but i very much doubt that he'll go into a jealous rage and break off the engagement. this isn't a big deal, it's barely an issue. you guys were basically posing for photos and you acted a bit dumb because you were drunk. that's how i'd see it.

No. 116088

>>115756
>>115757
Sorry, i ended up taking my cat and hiding for a couple of days at a motel.

He didn't apologize at first. Only after i came out of the bathroom from hiding did he apologize. But it was a "sorry, but its your fault because you took it" kind of apology. A karate chop might sound lame, but it really hurt lol. It left a bruise on my arm. We play fight often, but this was nothing like that. He was so angry.
>>115770
So i shouldve clarified. When i took the mop back from him, i grabbed it from the wall next to him. He was on his phone playing games, the mop wasn't actually in his hands. But when i grabbed it he got mad and grabbed it too. When i asked him to originally change the mop head, he did tell me to bring it to him and he would. But then he decided to continue playing games instead. I was already irritated because i spent all morning cleaning (he never cleans) and mopping was the last thing i needed to do. I just wanted to finish cleaning.

I shouldve added that in previous fights we had over the years, he does get irrationally angry. To the point of slamming his fists on the counter or throwing something before leaving for awhile. It's only happened about 3 times in our relationship, but it was enough that i told him before when he gets really angry over nothing, I'm afraid one day he's going to hit me. He assured me he never would, that i just make him so mad sometimes. That's why as trivial as a karate chop sounds, it was what I was afraid of and it left a mark, even if it's not considered "domestic violence " because he didn't punch me or anything. He's 7 years older than me so he should know to control his emotions by now, but part of me thinks it's halfway cultural too.

I went back to our apartment because I can't afford to hide out somewhere forever. He still blames me but he's "apologetic" for his actions. He even tried doing housework to show me how sorry he was. I dont really buy it, i feel uneasy still. I feel trapped.

No. 116090

>>116086
>>116087
I realized I didn't say, he did say something like "hey anon why don't you kiss [friend]" and there was like a three second timer on so I turned and made a kissy face but I didn't expect her to actually get right up there and AS it happened I thought about how I was going to be really upset soon enough but it just…it literally happened in a span of four seconds, I didn't want to ruin the picture by blurring or cause some weird interpersonal problem since I already sorta turned toward the guy and did the kissy face (but he didn't actually turn into it or get close, my face wasn't right up there!) and I didn't even feel like I could react quickly enough to stop. I had to sit on them to fit in the frame but tbh I didn't want to sit on their laps so I just lightly rested on them and put most of my weight on the floor while leaning back so I wouldn't block them out of the pics even though it hurt/was uncomfortable because I knew I needed to get in the frame but I just…wasn't comfortable with that because it seemed too far to me. I was struggling to pay the machine because I was already pretty drunk and idk if she was also drunk enough that what happened was an accident or not, but I don't think it was an accident. I'm not sure if this just makes me look worse. They're not full on swingers but they…well, they do sleep around with girls when they meet ones where all of them hit it off. I used to be in an exclusive poly relationship but have basically sworn it off and am bisexual, I don't know if they both know that but I know the guy does. People sometimes take that the wrong way about me even if I insist on being done with it.
I've noticed that whenever I get truly fucked up I end up feeling intense anxiety or regret and wishing my fiance were with me to "protect" me, especially since when I got really drunk with him I didn't feel nervous during/after it because he was with me. I got fucked up with him once and I had him to hold me until it passed and maybe that made an impact on me. Every time I've gotten fucked up was an accident too, I end up overestimating how much I should drink. I actually rarely drink or do pot and mostly drink in extreme moderation. I like my friends and all but because I don't trust the intentions of others I have a limited list of people I'd feel safe being like that around, and in public with them is definitely not on there.
I've had a couple of incidents with them so I think I need to drink and smoke less when I go out with them. As I write I'm actually looking stuff up to figure out what a good limit is for me because I usually drink very little if I set a limit while I'm sober or buzzed.
Anyway, thank you both for your replies. It means a lot to this anxious motherfucker here.

No. 116092

>>116028
>her
lol. ya stupid cuck.

No. 116095

>>116088
Make a long-term escape plan. Start setting aside money. And try to make a friend or two so you have someone to talk to if anything else happens.

No. 116096

>>116090
Is it possible they spiked your drink? You seemed to be very unaware and vulnerable. It sounds like you didn't want to even be in the photobooth. Your extreme regret is your emotional reaction to being coerced into a - harmless, but potentially a signifier for something worse - situation.

It sounds like you got taken advantage of by this couple. A photobooth peck is not a big deal but they seem, in a word, rapey.

Explain what happened to your boyfriend and emphasize your discomfort as you have here, and ask him to come with you instead of going alone to meet friends in future.

No. 116099

>>116096
No, I had my drink with me the whole time. I am tapering off a psychiatric medication and it's been making me more dizzy and spaced out so maybe that didn't help on top of the booze. I was aware of my surroundings, mostly, and I thought taking photos together would be fun, I just feel like in retrospect that it got a little weird. I have to be honest, I'm pretty sure they'd do shit with me if I said yes, so that doesn't help my feelings. I'm a silly drunk so at first I felt like it was harmless but I suppose even my drunk brain took pause, although to them and the outside I probably looked like I was doing just fine and happy. I'm not sure how to explain it, but do you know how when you're very intoxicated that it feels like things you don't feel totally comfortable with bounce off you more because it's harder to feel about them or move yourself? I felt like that, it's like I didn't "care" but even then I still did things to be more emotionally comfortable like not sitting down because I knew I didn't want to under the drunk blur or that I would feel regret/discomfort as soon as I processed things, sober or not. I was being really naive too I guess, I just thought we'd take silly pics, and to them maybe those photos are just silly, but to someone with an LDR it's really nerve-wracking because trust is precious and earned.
I don't ever want to get that drunk in public again unless my fiance is with me, tbh. It is making me feel so vulnerable, in retrospect. The only shitty thing preventing me from taking him every time is he lives abroad and I'm not sure how soon he is going to be able to move stateside.

No. 116119

>>116078
Very true words from Anon. I'm sorry about your situation, I'm glad you got out of that shitty relationship. Really the only guys who want "cool" and "chill" girlfriends are the ones who want to mess around with other girls without consequence. Why should anyone accommodate people like that?

>>116082
>>116099
Honestly I'm sure if you tell him you'll be fine. I don't think it's cheating or anything, just an unfortunate accident. It doesn't make you a bad person but it does make you extremely irresponsible. Nobody should be near blackout drunk in public, but it especially leaves women more vulnerable. It was just harmless pictures this time, but next time it could be something much worse. Sure, your fiance can trust you to be faithful, but can he trust you to be responsible? That's just as important imo.

No. 116120

Anyone else deal with a constant feeling that they might be 'settling' in a relationship? Am I supposed to pursue some kind of fantasy, fairy-tale like people lead you to believe? I love my boyfriend but he definitely isn't perfect.

No. 116129

>>116119
Yeah, I'm embarrassed I got so fucked up. Idk if I said this but it almost never happens, but it's of note that it's always when I'm seeing friends that it happens. I don't feel like other people understand my limits and that maybe I don't either. The other night was more my fault though, it took a while for the booze to hit me so I didn't realize I'd had too much because my friends had about the same amount and weren't as poorly off as me. I do hope he can trust me because I've gotten fucked up one other time. If I have to just not drink when I'm out without him or my parents to make him comfortable, I'd do it in a heartbeat. I'm kind of afraid I have a drinking problem now because I'm strongly genetically predisposed to alcoholism, but when I usually drink it's very slowly and I only have one or two, to the point other people say something about how slowly I'm drinking. Getting fucked up is still problematic alcohol use even if it's not often, though.
I'm worried about talking to him about it but more unsure how to broach the subject with my friends, I think I need to tell them that I need them to stop me if they think I've had too much to drink and that I need to take my time/set limits and they cannot push me. And somehow I should talk about the photos but…idk. There's got to be a simple and reasonable way to explain how I'm feeling and how I was then, I just feel like I'll sound like a square. Which shouldn't matter, but I feel like they've got different boundaries than I do, and having to discuss that with people can feel intimidating even if I don't want my boundaries broken.

No. 116131

>>116129
Anon, if you're saying you don't know your limits they are definitely not going to understand. You're going to have to take 100% responsibility for your drinking habits and not rely on them to bail you out. In fact, your friends seem like the reckless-type, to do things without thinking because it's fun and I wouldn't trust them to make smart decisions. I'm not going to say you shouldn't drink at all but I just don't see how it's worth it or fun to have no control like that. Especially if you're predisposed to alcoholism that would give me even more of a reason to stay away.

No. 116132

>>108637
I think that every guys nowadays have visited 4chan as a rite of passage. But the issue is that if he is still stuck in the angsty manchild phase even now. So dont turn down anyone who gets the memes. You’ll figure out their psyche soon enough anyways

No. 116135

>>116131
You are right that I have. To take responsibility for my own limits. I think I expected better of my friends because one works with addicts and I told them about alcoholism running in my family. I probably am deflecting only as a cope because dealing with it emotionally has been difficult, I know it's my fault for drinking too much even if it was an accident. By not knowing my limits I guess I mean that I know what is going to not get me too tipsy but I don't know what my upper limit needs to be. Not having control terrifies me so yeah I do agree there too. I think that setting myself hard limits and especially with my friends who are partiers is what I have to do. It's just scary to realize this is a problem because I thought I was ok since I don't usually drink frequently or a lot at a time. I'm seeing my therapist today and am going to talk to him about this. Thank you all for your advice, you have been firm but understanding.

No. 116138

>>116135
Please don't blame yourself too much. I get that it's a lot of pressure with your friends around, but you don't have to get that drunk to be or have fun. If they have a problem with that or think you're a "square" they can fuck right off. You're extremely self-aware and level-headed, and that's the most important part.

No. 116140

>>116082
Anon, this really doesn't sound like a big deal. You didn't kiss her, you made duck faces with her and brushed lips. Just throw the pics away and don't tell your fiancé. There's no point, you didn't cheat. I think your worry is ridiculous, but if you tell him and start crying and acting guilty as fuck he's going to think you cheated. Just let it go. It's not a big deal.

No. 116193

>>116120
Nobody is "perfec"t and you're going to have problems and frustrations with any guy you date, including 10/10 fairytale chads. If you feel it's worth taking the risk and gambling with the dating pool, go for it – but only if you are okay with the possibility that you may end up with someone even worse or no one at all

No. 116210

this is probably going to be a long one, sorry
i have to be intentionally vague on most points and i got rid of anything personal at all in case anyone happens across this post. there isn't anywhere else i can post where someone i know won't see it. i'm terrified of even putting this here honestly but i desperately need some kind of outlet. i'm probably missing out quite a lot of small stuff too but that isn't intentional so much as there's just too much to write here.

last year i started talking to a girl online and we spent the first 2 weeks being friends and getting to know each other. she lived on the other side of the world but i wasn't working at the time so it wasn't a huge deal. she has impossibly cute hobbies, we hated all the same things and i would melt whenever i heard her voice. i seriously never enjoyed talking to someone as much as i have with her in all my life even when we were 'just' friends.
she had been married for a few months at the time but in those first weeks she ended up telling me nearly every issue she had with her husband. things that made me feel impossibly bad for her back then. it wasn't like it was just little things like "he doesn't clean his hair out of the drain" or "the kitchen is always a mess", it was really seriously deep + personal.
we got closer and closer up until the point there wasn't any time besides sleep/work where we weren't talking. we almost met up at one point then, but it didn't end up happening.
she told me we couldn't talk to each other any more a week before he got back from working away. we were both crying about it in the call but we somehow ended up staying in very very infrequent contact.
i stupidly flew out to see her a month after that because i couldn't imagine losing her so soon after finding her, and because there was genuinely something worth trying for.
the week itself was an absolute fucking disaster for so many reasons, but down to events that happened we ended up talking again afterwards when i got back home.
we talked almost every day when she went on vacation with him and a lot of the time was spent making sure she wasn't having anxiety attacks over things that happened with others while i was visiting, because i didn't want her vacation to be ruined. we also talked a lot about what we were going to do and i asked her a couple of times outright if she wanted to walk away. we ended up deciding that we didn't want that but obviously couldn't keep this up. we talked about finding a way to take a break somewhere together for a couple weeks so that we could see if we could just exist in the same space as each other for a decent amount of time, because i wanted her to be sure that she wasn't making a mistake in even considering taking it further. we even said that we wouldn't pursue it any more if it obviously didn't work out well. i really hated being the 'other woman' and the whole situation was unhealthy as fuck for both of us. more than anything i absolutely fucking hated how anxious and scared the whole thing made her. i almost never got to see her being the girl i fell in love with because we never got a chance to discuss anything else. we were literally just trying to get an answer one way or the other, so we could stop treading water. i already know i'm scum or whatever for getting involved with someone married but it was perfect storm after perfect storm and we fell for each other.
she disappeared one day near the end of her vacation and i didn't hear from her for a week. i suffer from terrible anxiety too but i had kept everything mostly under wraps for her sake since things went to shit, because she needed the support more than i did. she wasn't the kind of person that would just up and leave without saying something, but i saw her account had been deleted so i ended up texting her asking if she was okay or needed me to do anything. i regret doing that, so much. i was so scared that the exact things we were worried about had happened and i couldn't help it. my therapist told me i did what any reasonable person would have done but it doesn't help because i knew he would probably see it. i know i should have been better but it was so unlike her to just leave, and there's no way i would have ever done something like that without reason.
i didn't find that out that he had even seen the text until a month down the line. the next time i spoke to her was that month later. she came back on another account and she was so angry. i can really seriously understand why she was upset but the way she went about it was so cruel i didn't see it coming.
she accused me of trying to ruin her life, and told me that she loved him more than anything. there were other things too, but they really hurt far too much to type out and i haven't quite gotten over them at all.
i was drunk when she came back that time but i didn't even get a chance to say anything stupid or much of anything at all. in the end i started just begging her to leave so she would stop saying those things. eventually she told me that she would be back in a couple of months once things in her own life had blown over. so far it's coming up to 6 months and i haven't heard anything from her. she told me i wasn't allowed to get in contact with her until she did it herself. i obviously haven't done anything but it's absolutely ruining me. the whole thing was such a 180 that i haven't been able to deal with the emotional whiplash.

honestly i haven't been sober for months now. i'm trying hard to cut back but i don't know what to do any more and the self destructive shit just shows up somewhere else. i don't even know if she thinks about me any more. i have severe panic attacks over what she said every single night and i end up needing to drink just to sleep. it hurts every bit as much as it did as the day we talked last.

am i supposed to just give up or keep on waiting and hoping? i feel absolutely fucking lost. the professionals i talk to about getting better tell me i should get in contact and tell her to come back to at least give me closure, but i really don't want to consciously hurt her in any way even if its healthier for me. that and i really don't think i could cope with seeing her say those sorts of things again. i just miss her so much.

No. 116212

I'm >>116135 the drunk anon and I talked to my therapist, fiance, and a different friend. Friend saw the less-bad photos (these new booths email them to you) and said they look sorta flirty but it's not a big deal. I was drunk so I was all smiles and stuff but my female friend was uhhh giving me eyes. Probably worth mentioning that she did kiss me on the cheek when I was falling asleep on the couch so idk what that was. I'm not going to ask for the other photos, if they send them to me I might keep them but I'm going to avoid it tbh. Therapist said to listen to my inner voice telling me to be careful and to be honest, and to walk away if they don't respect my boundaries. Bf didn't react too badly, he basically looked a bit sad/concerned for me but said it sounds like we were goofing around and that it's ok as long as I don't cuck him lol. He could tell I felt bad about it but I think he's had friends come onto him pretty hard when they were both drunk too and he just said "I'm engaged." I'm admittedly a jealous person but I let that completely go and met his friend and she only did it when she was smashed, so I guess it's fair for us to both be like, it's ok, I can let this go.
I think I may set boundaries with her/with them when I feel able to express it, I think she was pretty drunk too but I need to not feel like she's going to try to pick up on me when I'm drunk. It makes me feel…vulnerable? Or I am just going to have to limit my/our alcohol consumption when I see her. This situation has just made me realize I have to watch my drinking more closely and actually how much I love my fiance because he just let it go and things were normal, he understood, he just adores me and knows that it was killing me because I'm a worrywart and adore him. I may ask for advice because I think she was trying to pick up on me but I don't want him to be worried, and I'm pretty sure he assumes a good handful of my friends would do me or date me if they had the chance just because of past history, and it's been years being together without me coming close to messing around, so my record is shining.
Some good things came out of this stress I guess! I hope any other anons out there don't have to deal with stress like that or weird situations or overdrinking, it fucking sucks, and I hope you all find or have someone that appreciates you.

>>116120
Even in a "perfect" relationship, people still can feel underwhelmed or annoyed from time to time. It's normal. You should think about why you're having those feelings: is it because of something serious or an ongoing dissatisfaction? Or are you just stuck on this idea of how it should be or feel?

No. 116221

>>116210
The truth is, despite all she has said she stayed with him, and even got angry at you for asking if she was okay.
It sounds like she used you for emotional support when things were bad, then ghosted you when it was good.

It kinda sounds like you were groomed as a backup plan - she sounds like an emotional leech where you sound genuinely kind and empathic. Put yourself in her shoes. Would you do the same? Would you completely ghost your dream girl and treat her the way she has treated you? Would you stay with this supposedly abusive man when this sweet girl is waiting for you?

She's only told you part of the story and manipulated you. I think you should forget about her, and ignore her should she reach out again. She doesn't get to have a sweet girl waiting for her without her doing anything to maintain that level of trust and commitment.

No. 116228

>>116210
Relationships are supposed to be two partners supporting each other, not one bearing all the emotional labour and constantly disregarding their own feelings to not enrage/upset the other person. I'm sorry, but she sounds abusive. You are so kind and understanding, she truly doesn't deserve you. There are so many people waiting for a person like you.

No. 116233

>>116210
She used you for emotional labor and threw you away when you got to close
She sounds like an asshole anon and I want you to try to forget about her cause outside her cleverly constructed persona she is just an asshole

No. 116252

>>116221
>>116228
>>116233
thank you for being kind. i've made a couple of prime idiot moves myself, i'm far from infallible or anything.

i'm not making excuses, but i wouldn't have even said she was capable of being calculating or manipulative to begin with. she was kind and understanding with me, and took risks to even keep speaking to me. she was honest with her feelings and doubts about the situation right up until that one week. that's why it's so hard to process it, because she really didn't hide anything like that. i can only imagine that i ruined it twice over when i contacted her. i just wish none of this was happening.

i never really cared about him one way or the other, but fwiw he isn't 'abusive'. she knows how he is and she tolerates it. i honestly never brought him up unless she did. i didn't try to persuade her to leave him, i just simply tried to be better than him. apparently i wasn't in the end.

i can't really elaborate more than what i have already so i'm going to dip out before i waste anyone's time. thank you again for taking the time to read and reply.

No. 116265

My boyfriend and I are just recently having problems and I’m not even sure WHAT the real issue is.
Some backstory: I’m recently sober from alcohol (four months!) and have bad social anxiety. We both play a lot of video games lol. He’s the breadwinner and I’m basically a housewife, which is my ideal and something he seemed to want too.

Basically, I have one big thing I don’t want him to do.. yell. I don’t want him to yell when he’s playing games with his friends and I really don’t want him to yell at me. But he still does when playing games occasionally, which sends me into a weird anxious state. He’ll apologize and ask what’s wrong and I say it’s fine, I understand but my anxiety effects my voice a lot so he always thinks I’m giving him attitude which causes a fight. I struggle to speak at all when we argue because I literally can’t help but freeze up when a man is upset with me which makes it worse cuz now I’m “ignoring” him lol. It takes hours for us both to chill out after these weird instances.
Another regular occurrence is he’ll want to go do something with me, like go out to eat or see his friends etc etc. and my anxiety makes me overly self conscious and I want to cry because I just don’t want to leave the house. It’s not every time but often enough I guess. This causes another weird argument where I’m telling him he should go out, do what he wants to do! Like I want him to have fun and I get upset that I literally panic over nothing but he refuses bc he specifically wants me to join and “saying I should go just means I should stay, I know how women are ok” uggghhhhh
He mentions breaking up when the arguments are really bad or says I should go to my parents house and it always makes me cry + freeze up more. Idk what to do about it because I can’t help my anxiety, I can’t afford to get on meds for it, and I can no longer drink to mask it lol our fights make me feel like it’s all my fault, like if I could just be rational it’d be perfect?

(also is make up sex normal? because I literally can’t have sex with him after we fight, I don’t want any residual anger to come out in him touching me if that makes sense. he’s not violent at all but ex boyfriends have made me very wary of angry contact)

No. 116268

>>116265
>also is make up sex normal?

I've never had makeup sex and I'm jealous of people who have it. Not even sure how it happens, I'm usually too upset to even think about it.

No. 116278

>>116265
Congrats on your sobriety anon!
You guys really need to work on your communication, it's great that you've talked to each other about your emotional needs but it has to actually be put into practice ie him recognising that your voice going a certain way is an automatic response and you recognising that he might need things spelled out more clearly to him whilst he's "upped" on videogames. You both need to be more descriptive, even if that means you starting every sentence with obvious stuff like"I am scared by your yelling and it is making me panic please stop".
Taking a deep breath and thinking before you speak is helpful for both of you, there's no threat of violence in your relationship so you should feel comfortable saying "I'm thinking" whilst you process things.
It needs to come from both sides though. Whilst he needs to recognise that he is yelling, and either stop or work better to reassure you why, you also need to make it clear that you're being scared and upset, and tell him what you need from him.

No. 116312

How have those of you that have been hurt/lost trust in your relationships rebuilt trust and/or moved forward and stopped feeling so anxious all the time (whether you stayed with the same person that hurt you/broke your trust or not)? I'm constantly scared about being hurt again and wondering what I can do.

No. 116313

>>116268
for me it's rarely like the angry makeup sex where fighting suddenly turns to fucking you see in media, but it happens after the fight is dying down and we're kinda talking and making jokes to lighten the mood and then we get a snuggly and bam make up sex. it's like, "I'm sorry, ok let's fuck to get rid of the tension." my partner and i went through a period where we were extremely stressed and fought constantly, and we'd always have makeup sex after. I was worried it was going to make us associate sex with fighting and bad things but we still have a healthy sex life.

No. 116316

>>116312
I'm like this too. My fucking shrink says I shouldn't be so distrustful of others yet my experiences show I have a lot of reasons to be.

No. 116318

>>116316
I’m literally the same! Too many bad experiences make you loose faith and I’m better off on my own.

No. 116347

>>116318
Thirded, I really feel for you anons, I've tried building trust several times with several different relationships and bad luck happened to get abused by one and cheated on by the other two. It's very hard for me to want to be with anyone anymore because I don't want to spend two years loving someone who's either an abuser or a cheat and my heart doesn't want to be there until I'm brave again.

No. 116375

Boyfriend is irritating the hell out of me.

>live together for months

>lose my job
>move back in with my parents
>now living on opposite ends of the country
>see each other every few weeks
>find a job I love
>start earning $$ again
>bf also back with parents
>earning double what I do an hour, only I work 5 more per week
>putting away £200 of my already meager wages a month
>book off a week so we can go on holiday
>now have 2 paydays till that week
>i have enough to pay my share
>he's saved nothing, still owes friend money, keeps buying takeaway and expensive cigarettes instead of just cooking depression meals and rolling like every other poorfag
>tell him we won't be going anywhere
>try to brush it off as "it'll be expensive" but end up telling him i'm perfectly capable of saving the money as the only thing i've bought for myself since being at new job was a £100 cheap ass TV but he isn't
>keeps telling me he'll have his shit together easy in two paydays
>tfw accepting we're gonna be spending a week at my mum's house while she goes somewhere nice as 'holiday' instead of going to Amsterdam or Paris like i wanted to

No. 116422

>>115935
You don't sound OK. Go to a shelter or a hospital. They will help you. It will be scary for you at first, but it's the only way you can make things better. I believe in you, anon.
>>116028
Since your loving bf and wonderful bestie are fine with open relationships, maybe arrange a threesome or two with some of their more attractive/successful exes and post the pics to the group chat? In meme format, of course, to keep it classy.
>>116088
Yeah no he's a shithead keeping you in emotional limbo. Play up the ~sorry I was soo scared uwu~ aspect, make yourself look useless, and cry about how sorry you were for leaving for a couple days, and tell him you really appreciate how kind he's being. Pretend everything is now fine and dandy. Make a new bank account without him knowing, opt for paperless statements so he doesn't find out about it by going through your post, and as soon as you have enough for a deposit on a new place, get the fuck out. Ghost him completely. If I were you I'd see if there are any affordable storage units nearby where you could start moving your stuff until you're ready to leave, that way you won't waste time packing shit that you could be slowly and secretly putting away.
He's fully aware that he's being vile. The things he's doing now- being apologetic, doing the chores, being nice- is how he's keeping you emotionally trapped. If you feel guilty about leaving him, or feel stupid for doubting him, he's got you right where he wants you.
Maybe it's tinfoil, but past experience says it's not. You need to pretend to be what he wants you to be (dumb, forgiving, a doormat with tits) so he doesn't amp up the nasty. Vanish from his life the second you can. It's only going to go downhill from there.
Oh, and if he bawws about depression or whatever, don't fall for it. You're his SO, not a therapist. If he has issues, he can fucking deal with that shit himself, like a big boy.

No. 116457

>>116312
>>116316
>>116318
>>116347
hard same

also lol therapist saying don't be distrustful. jUsT sToP bEiNg DiStRuStFuL. like i choose this? like i want to be a self-sabotaging jackass who runs away the second anyone shows me interest and ghosts because i'm too scared of being hurt? it's not that simple.

No. 116460

how the fuck do i get my boyfriend to be more affectionate with me?? it's driving me bonkers.

No. 116465

>>116457
I just cut off my therapist after my last romantic bullshit that went wrong. He says I'm "afraid to love and get emotionally involved" yet when I do I always end up alone to deal with my mess. It's almost like he keeps giving me shitty advice just so I can keep getting fucked over and paying for my sessions. lmao

No. 116467

>>116465
>>116457
sorry but you both sound fucking retarded and underage. it's like the absolutely most basic advice to not treat a new person like shit because of bad past. being cautious and being paranoid/distrustful are totally different.

No. 116468

>>116467
saying "don't be distrustful" is literally not helpful at all. if you're being paid to give fucking life advice it needs to be techniques to practice to get to the point of not being distrustful. it's like telling someone with depression to stop being sad. you don't just… stop doing that. you need cognitive methods to deal with it. shut the fuck up

No. 116471

>>116460
Assuming you're fairly affectionate with him, have you tried saying you'd like him to be more affectionate? When he is affectionate, tell him how much you love his touch. Initiate affection with him. Ask him what kinds of touch he likes, and be open about what you like.

No. 116482

I’m afraid my boyfriend only thinks he loves me because I love him and he hasn’t really had someone care for him so much. Should I bring it up to him or am is this just one of those things people usually worry about for no reason?

No. 116484

>>116482
Its a bit irrational to think this way. Though, if you have any kind of evidence then go for it.
If you bring it up with him, and it's not the case, you could make him feel really bad. Maybe you should think why you are thinking this way? Do you feel insecure? Are you not getting enough affection? Etc.
If you have good communication with him I'd bring it up but be prepared for him to feel bad/sad you'd think of him that way.

No. 116503

>>116468
>i didn't read the post!!!

No. 116541

Now and then I get this feeling of feeling too stunted and childlike to be in a serious relationship.

I'm heading towards my mid 20s and my partner is 8 years older then me. Maybe its the age gap or my tendency to want a man to be my protector. With marriage on the horizon and potential kids I feel like I'm not ready for it.
Its my first serious relationship in my life and its not even about wanting to be young and single. Or sleeping around before settling down.

I just feel like I regress in these moments when normally I want to be in LTR. But I feel like the feeling is popping up more in my relationship.

No. 116649

File: 1560354304318.jpeg (85.74 KB, 701x722, 1559031053289.jpeg)

Getting real sick and tired of this guy who works long days, which I get when it's 14 hour days, but he really doesn't have 2 minutes, every few days, to read my messages? Haven't seen him in 2 months, and haven't heard from him in nearly two weeks. He lives ten minutes down the road.

Thought I'd do something nice and get some fresh air too by walking to his place and dropping off a surprise present. He said he "wondered who it was from." Bitch it was wrapped in red paper with white ribbon bow on it, months before your birthday. Who tf else is dropping presents at your door in gift wrapping?

I can't explain why I'm so mad at him. All I can think to say is that "I just don't get it." Was going to do something nice for his birthday before I left town for the summer, but why, what's the point? I offer to clean his stuff or walk the dog for him to help out, but he doesn't want that so I'm just left waiting for low effort replies and the hope that we'll hang out in winter.

No. 116650

>>116649
you're being ghosted. drop him and either he'll forget you completely or his interest will amp up. either way you'll know if you're wasting your time, which it sounds like it is.
there's some dude out there who will message you every morning and have in-jokes with you and hang on your every word when you interact. you deserve that, not being ignored.
good luck and god speed, anon.

No. 116651

Me & my bf are moving together next month after being together for one year and everyone is just harping on me because "that's way too early!!1!!!".
Like bitch, what's the big difference between moving into a shared flat with people you don't know to moving in with a man I love and have had zero problems with this far?
We've been living at his tiny ass one room apartment for the last like six months anyways, so we're basically already living together. We already alternate between who cooks, cleans and does the dishes I just don't pay for anything atm lmfao so what's the big fucking deal?

No. 116652

>>116651
same situation. moving in with my boyfriend of a year and a half in less than 2 weeks and im getting a ton of shit from my family about it being dAnGeRoUs to live at such a young age (i'm 22) with someone im not married to. maybe it's a culture thing but honestly its not that big of a deal

No. 116653

>>116651
People just like bringing up every person who had it bad while living together with a boyfriend/girlfriend.
I had a similar experience to you, and now it's two years I'm living with my bf and things are going great. You will argue for sure, but if you're both mature enought to talk every little issue over, you can go throught any argument. Good luck to both of you and remember that love is hard work, nothing is being granted.

No. 116655

>>116651
>>116652
I went through this. I had to rip it off like a bandaid, because I knew my family would NEVER agree to me leaving. I'd known my bf for about 6 years before we actually met and he lived two states away from me. We were together 6 months formally LD but both of us agreed that something had to change. I bit the bullet and moved in with him. It's going on 2 years now and I am much happier, have a better job, and did all the things I couldn't do at home: get a license, go back to school, etc. Only bad thing is being so far from my family.

No. 116656

>>116651
…How is that too early? People where I live usually do it then.

No. 116657

How do I deal with my bf being immature in some ways? It's the sort of harmless immature, that's more like goofy/so randumb, so I feel like it's almost a non-issue compared to other's abusive bfs, but it turns me off so much.

There are really a lot of things I love about him, but the small things he does add up and annoy me to no end. I just wrote it out and it was a whole essay, so I deleted it… But in short, the things he does make him feel like he's a little brother to me, or like I'm just "one of the dudes." I feel like this is unfair if I don't like this part of him and maybe I should break up with him and ask if we could be friends. I've been a little distant from him, talking to him less because I don't know how to deal with it. I'm still attracted to him, but if this keeps up I can tell I'll blow up at him eventually and that's not fair. I don't think it's fair to ask him to change his personality either. I'm at a loss because otherwise he's a very loyal, devoted, and loving man but some parts of him are so incredibly unattractive.

No. 116658

>>116656
Don't ask me. We're mostly hearing this from male friends, who probably just don't understand that we're both serious about this relationship and my boyfriend's mom who is used to his older brother changing girlfriends every half a year, I guess

No. 116659

I'm kind of a hipdip and don't wear a bra with certain dresses. I asked my bf if that was okay and he said it was 100% okay and that he loved it. The last and only real relationship I had, the guy was super controlling and conservative. The first thing I thought of was since he allows me to, he potentially wants weirdos to look at me? I think I'm reading too much into this

No. 116660

>>116659
"He allows you" girl its just titties even if u dressed conservatively people will look

No. 116665

>>116651
I literally moved in with my boyfriend after two months lmao, my family didn’t say shit and it’s been amazing.
My last relationship, I moved in at 6 months because I literally didn’t have anywhere else to go and it was a shit show.
When I was 18, I was with a guy for a year and wanted to live with him but he said it was too soon…so I moved out of the state without him and got over him entirely.

Whether or not living together is gonna work out is literally just based on how solid + communicative the relationship is to begin with, I don’t really think the timing of it matters too much.

No. 116682

>>116659
Do you want him telling you what you can and cannot wear?

No. 116688

File: 1560398546172.jpg (139.83 KB, 1200x1200, DvEnPJbUwAAK1eR.jpg)

I'm going to try to sum this up as briefly as I can because I don't want to blogpost or vent too much, so I'll just ask- have any farmers had experience with being late bloomers (sexually/romantically) compared to their peers and what did you do about it, if anything at all?

I just turned 21 a month ago and it hit me that I'm the only one out of my friends who hasn't been in a relationship (romantic or sexual) yet. I've always been holding out for someone who I'll really like, but unfortunately it didn't really work out with the one person I really had feelings for. Since then, there have been a few guys who implied their interest in me, but it felt weird because I either found out or got vibes that they were only attracted to me because of my race or because they were desperate and I'm a 'cool girl.' I wonder whether I'm being stupid or unrealistic for waiting to find someone who I'll really like again , since I'm already pretty picky when it comes to friends and what are the chances that 'the one' I'll meet will want to date someone who has absolutely zero dating experience (especially the older I get. I used to be against participating in hookup culture and dating apps, but now I wonder if that's only way I'm going to be able to meet people realistically. At the same time, I wonder if it's this hard for me to find someone who I genuinely trust and care about or someone who genuinely cares about me if I really am just better being alone.

No. 116697

>>108637
women will never experience true loneliness(USER HAS BEEN PUT OUT TO PASTURE)

No. 116702

>>116688
I went through a panic when I turned 21 last year too haha. I ended up cold approaching 5 guys with no success after the first dates.
Not even super uggo, just have a very specific type and I'm also socially awkward.

Maybe try socializing more? Like joining clubs or volunteering. I've been asocial for ages which contributes to me not meeting anyone new naturally, so I'm taking this last path (the hardest path tbh) before giving up. After that I'm thinking about just settling into being alone forever at this point since men are shit and so am I.

No. 116704

>>116688
Yeah, I was similar. I was turned down by all of my childhood crushes and didn't get any boys until High School. People being interested in me made me uncomfortable so I'd push them away, but at the same time I would feel deeply insecure over my friends being in relationships and me being single. In college, hook-up culture is kinda forced, especially when you are living in a dorm with roommates who are very boy-crazy. I had a lot of interested guys here too but could never bring myself to pursue anyone.

In the end, my first relationship turned out to be with someone I had met online as a kid. I think the online aspect allowed me to form a very deep emotional connection first which I probably could not have found IRL.

My personal opinion is that hook-up culture can be pretty harmful. I've seen it personally through my friends. I would stick to your guns and really think about what you are looking for. If you want a SERIOUS partner, try getting involved in some local clubs relevant to your interests. It might be worth it to try dating apps but obviously there's a set expectation beforehand (I believe firmly in set romantic exceptions ultimately leading to failure for myself) and you are definitely going to run into some rotten people, but you run that risk anywhere.

No. 116727

>>116650
Thank you sweet anon! After talking to some other people about it I messaged him. Hopefully it all works out when he finally read it lol. Your reply really helped

No. 116729

>>116704

>In the end, my first relationship turned out to be with someone I had met online as a kid. I think the online aspect allowed me to form a very deep emotional connection first which I probably could not have found IRL.


Are you still with that person? I'm pretty much in the same boat rn.

No. 116735

Been dating this amazing dude for a couple of years. Due to certain circumstances, we've been long-distance for almost a year. While the gap is closing soon (in that we'll be living in the same general area), I have found myself questioning our relationship. It's idiotic - I love him, he's perfect for me, he's so amazing, but… I am bisexual, and am often plagued with thoughts about other girls. I know polyamory is shit on here, and for good reason, but it's like I want the best of both worlds. I want to be able to fuck around, but still have him… an incredibly shameful and selfish thought. I'm hoping these thoughts will go away when we are closer together. I love him very much and don't want to push him away or make him feel badly by mentioning "oh, yeah, I'd really like to fuck a girl on the side lol".

And yes, I am still attracted to him physically/sexually. It's not a question of whether I'm a lesbian or not - I'm not. I could see myself marrying this guy. This isn't even really a question… I'm just unsure of what to do.

No. 116739

How do you know when you love someone? What does it feel like? I've been with my boyfriend for 3 1/2 years and I'm not sure I feel that. We haven't ever said it to each other. Honestly, I don't think I even feel it for my parents or myself or anything. I'm not sure I'm able to feel that or maybe on confused on what I'm supposed to be looking for with it.

No. 116759

>>116735
Try repressing your sexual thoughts and energy for him. You don’t want to ruin what you have.

No. 116761

>>116759
Agreed.

A risky option is to come clean about your desire to be with women while still staying in a relationship with him. If you are very lucky he will be on board with it, either letting you fly solo or ask for threesomes. But on the other hand knowing that you enjoy being with someone else sexually could be too much for him and the jealousy rips you two apart.

I am not poly but I tried imagining myself in your situation and the chance of getting what "I" wanted (boyfriend and pussy) was slim. Of course I do not know your boyfriend and his opinion of things, which is a big factor in this.

TLDR: No, don't try to go poly or sneak around behind your boyfriend's back.

No. 116762

>>116735
Does it change how you feel about the relationship if he's against it? Do you feel that you can both accept that you might be different to each other?

I'm the same as you except I'm lucky enough to live with my amazing bf but I was being eaten alive by the same thoughts. It took me a long time until I finally brought it up and he was understandably hurt, for two months it seemed like he might break up with me and my heart hurt so badly, but eventually he accepted that even though he can't understand it himself that it's just the way I am and it's nobody's fault. In turn, I've accepted that I can't bring him around to my way of thinking, and so whilst I can have fantasies they can't ever become reality. There are still times where he feels insecure that he's not enough for me or I feel guilty or even frustrated at him, but at least we can now talk to each other when we're worrying about it instead of keeping secrets and leaving space to grow resentment. After that I can go to him about anything.

I don't know what will work best for your relationship, but if you are considering talking about it then maybe do it before you move in together so that you can start off on the same page instead of risking finding out you're incompatible. There's always big arguments in any relationship, so establishing that you both have a willingness to accept each other without being a doormat before you move in together might be best.

No. 116830

I have a question and I feel dumb asking but I've never had a boyfriend before so I don't know if this is normal or if it's strange. My boyfriend never looks at my body when we have sex. He doesn't seem to like to look at it during foreplay, he never compliments me or tells me I look attractive. Is this normal or is there something wrong with me? Or something wrong with him? He likes having sex with me and I've talked to him about why he doesn't look at me and he acts offended and says he loves me and he likes having sex with me. I just can't shake this feeling that he thinks I'm really ugly because don't guys usually like looking at tits and other things? He never looks at my boobs during foreplay, if he goes down on me he doesn't look at my vulva at all, he never checks me out during the day when I'm dressed. I feel like I get more attention from nobodies than I get from this guy. Is this normal? I having self esteem issues so I don't know if I'm being ridiculous or if I'm right in sensing something is wrong. Some perspective from other anons would really help, thanks ahead of time.

No. 116831

>>116830
I have been feeling this way a lot too, so know you aren't alone. My bf does look at me sometimes during sex but usually it's only my face and he will watch me very briefly before closing his eyes again. It's ALWAYS been this way and it does make me feel kinda weird, because like you said, men are supposed to be "super visually stimulated" and all that other junk.

However, everyone is different. And when I am having sex, I close my eyes too. Is my bf supposed to be mad that I am not looking at him?

Is this your bf's first relationship too?

No. 116837

>>116735
Holy shit, I was about to post something eerily similar.

I'm currently in an on-again off-again (~50% LDR, 50% cohabitation) relationship with a man, and have been for several years. I've always ID'd as bisexual, but the most lesbian thing I've done is ERP with a female friend in high school.

Anyway, despite moving in together (again), I've been thinking more and more about exploring the lesbian aspect of my sexuality. I've always made it abundantly clear to my partner that I'm sexually attracted to women. He's okay with that, but he's also strictly 100% monogamous (which is fine with me, I'm not interested in poly stuff either), so that means that I can't explore that side of my sexuality while dating him.

It's interesting that the replies to your post seem to skew towards staying. When I've talked to friends about it irl, they ask me whether I want to live life without experiencing women, not knowing, etc.

I don't want to throw away a good, comfortable relationship, but secretly I do think I feel like I'm settling down too early, as I'm only 24. I don't feel bound to only be with men, but I do feel like I may have preemptively shackled myself to my partner without exploring other options beforehand.

No. 116839

>>116837
nta but posts like yours always sound really immature. and if anything, that would be a reason to get out of the relationship. i'm not about bi hate, but i hate when bi girls who have been with more men treat lesbians as some kind of unexplored realm, lesbians are just people and even if you're more attracted to women, it's the same as if you'd be more attracted to another man. even if it was some life-changing experience, so could dating another specific man. i mean, it sounds as dumb as when people only attracted to one sex say it. everyone has relationship what ifs, but if we all listened to them i bet many of us would second guess our relationships all the time.

No. 116840

>>116839
you make a completely valid point, and i don't want to come off as fetishizing lesbians as some mystical thing. a relationship with a woman, both sexual and romantic, is something i've always yearned for but didn't know how to pursue, so i've always fallen back on my attraction to men. ultimately, like you said, i think there are a lot of other reasons for staying in or leaving the relationship aside from the curiosity regarding my sexuality. nonetheless it remains as the biggest nagging feeling i have inside myself regarding the relationship on a day-to-day basis.

No. 116864

>>116831
Having your eyes shut the whole time sounds mental. All women are sexy imo so I wonder if your boyfriends are victims of sexual abuse and they are disassociating?
Every guy I've slept with has had his eyes open the whole time and looked at everything.

No. 116865

>>116839
Yes, agreed entirely.
>experiencing women,

rubs me the wrong way, like we are a fuckin' theme park ride to "experience" before inevitably returning to men. And I'm not a salty lesbian, I'm straight, and that still annoyed me. Sexualizing women is a big problem. We are not an activity to "experience". These Anons would seem genuine if it sounded like they wanted to pursue relationships with women. So far it sounds like they view other women as items on their bucket-list to tick off.

No. 116867

>>116865
Oh, please. You sound like one of those "wlw" on tumblr that paint lesbianism as exclusively being dainty hand-holding and hair braiding. Wanting to sexually experiment because of genuine feelings for the same sex isn't some perverted sexualization like you're implying. To assume that everyone who is confused, interested in exploring their sexuality and figuring out whether or not they're sexually compatible with the same sex is going to jump ship back to the opposite sex is stupid and perpetuates false stereotypes about bisexual people as well as the idea that you're either a gold star lesbian or straight.

No. 116874

>>116867
NTAYRT but I get where they’re coming from.
It’s incredibly frustrating to start seeing or even dating a girl, let yourself get invested and everything just for her to be like ‘yeah idk I think I might prefer boys’ after a while.

Obviously the only way to figure out if you actually are romantically and sexually attracted to women is to have romantic and sexual experiences with one. However, there are people (like >>116837 ) who make ‘lesbian experiences’ sound like something to cross off your bucket list. And unless you specifically seek another women that is open to experimenting and doesn’t want anything serious/long term lasting herself, it’s really just objectifying women and making them some kind of experiment.

I’m bisexual myself so I know how much discrimination bi people face from within the lgbt community in this exact kind of way. But seriously, if you talk about women like that, I can’t really blame lesbians for having trust issues towards bi women.

No. 116892

File: 1560683169682.png (2 MB, 1377x1827, 1560682631413.png)

My boyfriend and I were both engaged to other people at a young age. I really want to marry him, but he's cynical toward marriage now. I've proposed and was promptly turned down. Can I ever talk him into marriage?

No. 116894

>>116892
how long have you been together?

No. 116896

>>116892
my experience with men who don't want to get married is that it'll be very hard to change their mind, and if things go wrong in the marriage (which they almost inevitably will as every relationship has its ups and downs)- he may resent you for coercing him into it. don't try to change him, having different goals is the reason many relationships end.

No. 116902

I'm a guy without male friends (no female friends either). I read in the red flag thread that it was considered a red flag.

It seems dishonest acquiring a friend only to showcase that I do indeed have friends. So, I was wondering if there's something I can do to redeem myself? If I behave and come a cross as a regular person, does it matter that I don't have any friends?(USER HAS BEEN PUT OUT TO PASTURE)

No. 116906

>>116894
Only 3 years
>>116896
I suppose so. I just saw a girl I know get engaged last night (after dating the guy less than 6 months, so it probably won't work). I want a quick courthouse marriage. And the main reason is that I want to move back to Germany and im an Italian citizen, so moving to the EU is very little trouble for me. He's only a us citizen who speaks 0 german and thinks hell just be able to as easily as me. I'm afraid he's going to keep me trapped in the usa. I love him more than Berlin, so I'll stay, but…

No. 116909

>>116906
>He's only a us citizen who speaks 0 german and thinks hell just be able to as easily as me.
Doesn't surprise me, yanks think they can go everywhere and do anything just because they're yanks. It's just how they think,they're very entitled.

No. 116912

>>116909
I'm trying to teach him german… he's incredibly smart, he just hasn't ever studied another language before and has difficulty with the grammar. This would all just be easier on a marriage Visa. It'd give him time to take language courses and become a german citizen. His ex-fiancee just ruined the idea of marriage for him.

No. 116915

>>116874
>>116865
I'm the OP of >>116735. Though I'm bisexual, I have dated almost exclusively women before I started dating my current boyfriend, so for me it isn't the desire to "experience" girls that spurs these thoughts. In addition, my thoughts tend to revolve around specific individuals in my life rather than some as-of-yet-unknown fantasy girl, and aren't purely sexual in nature.
Sorry, I doubt anyone is interested, I just feel weird that my post was misinterpreted and thought I'd clear that up. I can somewhat sympathize with >>116837, but I don't feel "shackled" to my boyfriend, and nor am I questioning my sexuality. I know where I stand, it's just the situation itself that is confusing.

No. 116916

>>116915
I'm the OP of >>116837 and I feel misinterpreted myself.

I haven't explored relationships with women previously. However, like you, my thoughts aren't purely sexual and I do have particular women in mind. It isn't just the nebulous concept of ~being with a woman~ that is my concern. I really should have wrote "experiencing relationships with women" to have avoided all of this discourse. I know I'm not objectifying women by being interested in them, and I'm not really sure why everyone seems so averse to idea of a bisexual woman considering the prospects of a romantic and sexual relationship with a woman, just because she hasn't fully delved into that side of her sexuality yet.

No. 116932

This has probably been asked/discussed a billion times before, so I‘m sorry.

Is it normal to get less sexual attracted to your SO/have less sex over time?
How can you tell if you’ve fallen out of love?

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3,5 years now. Our sex life (or rather my libido) has always been very black and white. We‘d go from having sex 3-5 times a day for 2-3 weeks straight, to 3-5 times a week. Then I was on hormonal birth control for 6 months and during that time we had sex like… 5 times total. That was about 2 years ago and I feel like our sex life has never really recovered from it.

Right now I do want to have sex, just not really with him. But that’s also because he’s my first sexual partner and I kind of want to have sex with other people in general. That’s something that’s always been there. I’ve talked to him about it and he understands.

I just don’t know how to tell whether I still love him or not. I am generally sexually attracted to him, I think. I love his body and I enjoy having sex with him. But right now I just want change and experience something different.

No. 116944

>>116932
If you're in love you don't want to have sex with other people or "experience something different." I can't believe people think this and still have the audacity to believe that they are even close to loving the person they're with. You're staying because you're comfortable with the status quo. That has nothing to do with love.

No. 116945


No. 116946

>>116932
>3.5 years together
>2 years ago stopped having sex, never recovered

So you had consistent sex life for about a year and a half?

>right now I just want change and experience something different.

At what cost? If you ""love"" him, this thought will come to mind and pretty much be immediately discounted. My first sexual partner is also my current partner, and we've been together a similar length of time. I think I've thought once of sleeping with someone else, and it was such an impulsive and irrational thought that it made me feel sick. It's normal for people to have those thoughts sometimes, we all do it. But it's a clear sign that something isn't working when instead of laughing at them or discounting them we embrace them.

Is this going to be your longterm partner? Do you see yourself with him for the foreseeable future?
If so, talk with him. Express the concerns you are having about your sex life and see how he feels about it.

If you really are ready to break the mold and "experience" more then break up with him and fool around to your heart's content.

No. 116968

I think my boyfriend masturbating too much is ruining our sex life. He does it at least once a day and despite us living together, we probably only have sex twice a week? He never tries to initiate sex* and I’ve honestly stopped bothering because he’ll just opt to jerk off before the mood strikes me, like even when I’m home. It’s so bizarre to me, I haven’t masturbated in weeks because I feel guilty doing it without him involved when our sex life barely exists. We have good sex too! If I ask him not to touch himself, he whines about it. Which also turns me off. I don’t get ittttt

* not in a ‘real’ way at least. Blatantly asking “can I eat you out” is a way I guess but it just strikes me as awkward. When I initiate sex, I actually touch and kiss him. I’m not gonna get wet from him asking me a question.

No. 116984

>>116968
You're dating a manchild who prioritizes his daily comfort fap over having a healthy, fulfilling sex life with his partner.

No. 117063

I was in a sexually abusive relationship in my teens with an adult man. Shortly after leaving this relationship, I got together with my boyfriend. We are LDR, and see eachother a few times a year.

Lately my past has been really bothering me, and my relationship with sex has always been a negative one. I decided I didn’t want to do anything sexual with my boyfriend anymore, until I was able to work through my problems and feel good about it. I was tired of feeling disgusting after sex & I would cry every time after. He accused me of a bunch of things, which I won’t get into heavily, and was clearly unhappy with it. He knew my past and was unwilling to listen to me, instead claiming I simply “don’t find him attractive”. After a few days of calm down and claiming he understood me, he sat me down, and forcibly read me an article written by some loser who claimed that women who give, then take away sex, are “training men to be providers” or something. after that, he dropped it, and we had a nice 2 month visit together, with no mention of it at all.

The last week of our visit, I was feeling a bit better, so I decided to try doing things with him again. We did stuff twice, on two separate nights, and that was it. I mentioned that maybe I’d feel okay doing something again, on Tuesday night.

Well Tuesday night came. I didn’t feel like it. I felt shitty again, and I just wanted to spend time with him mostly, because today (wednesday) is the last day of our visit. He lost it. He started ignoring me, refused to cuddle with me in bed, accused me once again of not finding him attractive, told me I was “making him look stupid”. We had been planning to maybe pay to change my home ticket and extend the visit by a week, and he threatened me, saying he was no longer doing so, and that I’ll be sent home Thursday as planned. He then proceeded to stay awake for almost two hours after I went to bed, being purposely noisy so I couldn’t sleep, and refusing to quiet down. All because I wouldn’t do one sexual thing with him.

I don’t know what to do. I thought because he was quiet when we weren’t having sex he changed his mind about it. Now the second I change my mind about one night, which I have every right to do, I’m treated the same way I was before. I have begged him to go to therapy about this but he refuses, saying he can fix it himself.

No. 117064

>>117063
I also want to add that this attitude does not stop at simply just having/not having sex. On multiple occasions as well he’s berated me for masturbating, claiming that “well I must be horny, so not having sex means I don’t like him/doesn’t find him attractive/I must be cheating” ect ect… I have explained to him that yes I get horny but it doesn’t mean I want to have sex. Masturbating is quick, it’s not messy, and it doesn’t make me feel bad like having sex does. In general I have no interest in any of it but like anyone, I get horny. Masturbating gets the job done fast, so I can move on with my day. It has nothing to do with him or how I feel about him, it’s just how I feel. Not only that but he routinely gets upset that when I masturbate, I don’t think about him. (I don’t think about anyone, to clarify). I am not even allowed to enjoy my own private time without him saying he should be part of it in some way or another.

No. 117065

>>117064
i love how you're complaining about that (rightfully so) but the reply to a post above yours is suggesting that OP is right for acting how your boyfriend is.

anyway, your bf sounds like he drank a bunch of retard koolaid though and i don't think he can recover. anyone who thinks their SO is being purposely vindictive like that needs to get a huge dose of reality. there are plenty of people out there that will be understanding of you.

No. 117087

>>117063
Your boyfriend is dealing with it in a really, really shitty way, but to be fair, the way you're explaining it is going to make him rationalize it like, "well, she stayed in a relationship with a guy who didn't give a shit about her and did all this sexual stuff for him, but we're in a nice relationship where we should be mutually attracted to each other, and she doesn't want to bother? Doesn't she care about me?" sort of deal. And then masturbating while refusing to be intimate with him also sends the message that you don't want him sexually and will make him feel unloved (I understand why you prefer to do things alone completely, if sex makes you feel awful). If my boyfriend acted like this, I would be very bothered by it too.

That being said, your boyfriend is dealing with it in a terrible way and is only serving to make you feel unsafe and uncomfortable with sex. He should be helping you and communicating like an adult instead of throwing tantrums. Clearly he is very hurt and I'm not sure this is something that can be fixed considering how spiteful and vindictive he is. However you guys should sit down and have a long talk about this.

No. 117109

>>117064
He is acting really childish, but also might have a point about you not being attracted to him. He's definitely reading retarded stuff online which is not helping, but - if sex with him- take your past experience out of it because each guy is different and it should be somewhat canceled out by a new guy - if sex with him makes you cry and feel bad and you would rather masturbate on your own when he's right there - due to, of course, it making you feel bad and cry -

Pretend the first abusive relationship never happened. It's very possible this dude would make everyone feel bad and cry. It is very possible he is a problem, himself. A guy should make you comfortable, sex should be fun and enjoyable, not a torturous chore.

No. 117112

My boyfriend wears a lot of clothes that frankly don't fit him very well. He's held on to a lot of stuff that fit him well when he had a younger body but now that he's like….a full grown man it just looks out of place on him. I def know the kind of style he likes, I'd like to get him some betting fitting stuff but I keep feeling guilty I'm trying to manipulate him or something. Are my feelings justified?

No. 117116

>>117112
That's hilarious. How does he dress? Yes, your feelings are justified but he's probably going to be insulted that you care so much about it (I think being insulted is a reasonable response, but your feelings are reasonable too).

No. 117117

>>117116
Yeah when I reverse the roles I feel really bad about it but he's doing himself so dirty IMHO. He has a nice figure, but his clothing choices just don't flatter him. For instance a lot of his old tshirts are a little small on him now, and it makes the sleeves look like the cap sleeves you usually see on women's shirts. I know I probably sound so vapid I apologize

No. 117118

How do I even meet someone for a relationship? I've never been in one and I'm really shy. I usually mess up when trying to talk to people in public. Sometimes I can talk to guys online but I want to try something in real life.

No. 117122

>>117117
>when I reverse the roles I feel really bad about it
kek I wonder about this sometimes. I'd be offended if a guy tried to change the way I dress or look and see it as mean or controlling. But there are so many guys where I can't help thinking if he'd just shave his beard or change his style etc he'd be cute. I never say anything because I don't wanna be a dick but lbr a guy would probably not mind changing things like that to impress a girl, they don't care that much about their clothes while we tend to put a tonne of thought into it.

imo unless your bf is invested in having his own style and dresses that way with purpose rather than because he's oblivious or dgaf, you'd probably be safe to make some suggestions or buy him some stuff. If the problem is how it fits that's pretty easy and inoffensive to point out, especially if you can frame it like a compliment on him getting more muscular. It's not vapid, most people care about clothes fitting well.

No. 117134

>>117122
This. A lot of guys put little to no effort into their appearance, mainly because they don't know how. Sometimes they need a little advice and push in the right direction.

No. 117135

>>108637
Girls, what do i do?

So i met this guy on reddit 2 months ago and we hit it off pretty well. We mostly trade memes and watch movies/ play games every other day. Im not that into him as much as he is into me. I met up with him recently and i had a pretty good time but i honestly feel no spark between us

Cons:

-I found him generally attractive but hes not my type tbh.
-He’s younger than me by 2 years and his immaturity is kinda obv at times
-Very insecure because he was obese and was bullied at school. Needs reassurance every now and then
-Not fully independent. Has a job but isnt enough to move out of his mom’s house.

Pros:

-Incredibly sweet and understanding.
-Flirts with me and tells me im beautiful everyday.
-Genuinely kind and nice. Not your nice pretend neckbeard.
-Loves animal and he was studying to be an animal caretaker but find no job
-Poor but is a hardworker. On our date he paid for everything and he even promised to come see me and is looking for more jobs so that he can save up for a ticket.
-Swedish. I want to live in this place if possible. He lives in a small town that is pretty comfy and is honestly a thousand times better than the shithole i live at.

Maybe the distance is a con for y’all but honestly it doesnt matter much to me. My main concern is that i dont want to lead him on. I dont know if i can develop a feeling for him because i care for him and dont want to waste his time. Also because i doubt i can find someone else better as i’m an introvert and online dickheads are prevalent.

No. 117136

>>117135
>but i honestly feel no spark between us
This is all you need to know to make your decision. Trust your gut, you're not attracted to him and you don't owe him consideration for being 'sweet' if there's no chemistry. Being alone is better than being with someone you don't genuinely click with, you just end up resenting their presence rather than falling for them over time.

No. 117142

>>117135
>met guy on Reddit
I don't want to be that guy, but I feel like this is a red flag. A lot of them act sweet to get in your pants but are pretty shite people.

No. 117153

>>117142
You're clearly not /u/buildabae

No. 117318

I've asked my boyfriend to go to therapy to help himself with his issues as well as helping how his issues affect our relationship.
I could tell he really didn't want to go this morning (plus he kept telling me he didnt want to go), hes gone though but i feel extremely guilty and like a horrible person, is that justified?
I dont think I pushed him to go but I did say it was important and that im happy he is going. I also kept checking to see if he had organised an appointment and when it was. His attitude this morning was so cold because i assume he was nervous, im just worried ive fucked up and been a horrible partner for asking him to go.

No. 117336

What's a good vacation for a new couple? Let's say there's a budget of $4,000 or so.

No. 117340

>>117336
Croatia

No. 117342

>>117318
No, it's an uncomfortable thing for almost everyone to start with since most people have never fully talked about their problems. Just make sure he's got a good therapist he clicks with and let him know it's ok to try and find another one if he doesn't get on well with this one since not every therapist is perfect at their job or can match with everyone.

No. 117345

>>117336
>>117340
seconded as a Croat lol

4k$ is like 26k kn here

No. 117346

>>117336
It would help to have your starting country

No. 117349

I think a 21-year-old friend of mine is being manipulated into a poly relationship. She’s been with this slightly older guy for a few years now, and he told her that he wanted a poly relationship together with a girl he’s dating on the side.

This dude is the epitome of an attention-starved reddit bro and like a shorter Seth Rogen. He doesn’t text my friend back but will suddenly show up at her house at 11 pm, early booty call time. He has never met her family but wants to bring her to his own family reunion.

Wtf is this the modern dating scene??? How can I show her the light?

No. 117352

File: 1561169974785.jpg (66.21 KB, 619x464, MTI0ODUwOTM0NzU1OTIzMjE4.jpg)

>>117349
the modern dating scene has been designed to benefit men and men ONLY. it's depressing. straight women are faking orgasms and paying for their own uber home for ugly men that don't improve their life in any way.

No. 117353

>>117349
Ask her if she's allowed to fuck men on the side. If she says no, it's an easy argument. And ask why he doesn't know her family if they've been dating so long and why he thought it was ok to start dating this girl in the first place without her explicit uncoerced permission first. He ain't that cute.

No. 117354

>>117112
Just ask him to change, what >>117134 says is exactly right. Most people want to look good for their partner and many men simply don't think about it because they've never been told to. Humans are creatures of habit, so don't try to change too much too fast.

Don't forget that it's a two way street though.

No. 117358

>>117336
$4k is actually a huge budget for like a week long trip. Round trips from the continental US to Asia and Europe are like $500 on a good day. So the world’s your oyster imo!

No. 117366

If my ex wants to be friends is it so he can keep an emotional hold on me while he sows his wild oates in ugly girls in his current city?

No I am not bitter /s

No. 117379

File: 1561219502409.jpg (55.69 KB, 800x857, dTcAHZc.jpg)

my gf is annoying me lately, making me like her less. i don't want to have sex with her or be romantic, but i feel a deep connection to her. that connection feels like it's lessening, but it could be because i'm in a depressive episode. she loves me too much and it's overbearing. i told her i'm in a depressive episode so i can't be as much of a partner as i should be. so, naturally, she asked if i was in love with someone who commented on my ig photo, or if i wanted to break up, or if i'm not in love with her, etc. i kept telling her no i'm not interested in anyone else, but she kept bringing it up. it stressed me out because there's really no reason for her to think any of this, except that her last relationship was abusive..but so was mine, and likening me to her ex pisses me off. it's just too dramatic and too much for me to handle. she made me answer if i was in love with her still, and i said idk how to respond to that, and after we talked about everything she said i shouldn't say extreme things like i'm not in love with her. i told her i just need her to tone things back, so hopefully in the future it will change

No. 117391

>>117349
>He doesn’t text my friend back but will suddenly show up at her house at 11 pm
fucking disgusting. shit like this reminds me why I don't date.

No. 117392

>>117112
Compliment the clothes you do like on him. Get him one or two items you think would look nice on him. I think one or two things is a sweet gift. A wardrobe overhaul is too much unless he wants that.

No. 117395

>>117391
Anybody involved in that poly shit isn't worth it.

No. 117398

>>117366
>>117346
I'm from the Caribbean, if that helps? So I usually connect from American airports when flying international.

>>117340
>>117345
I looked it up, there's actually a lot of cheap vacation packages for there. Kinda surprised. Thanks, anons.

No. 117404

Ex boyfriend is liking my Instagram posts, ones about how happy I've been lately.
We're both single and I still like him, ended on good terms because of long distance. Should I message him about it??

No. 117405

>>117404
it seems he's just doing that to say hey, i'm glad you're doing well. if he wanted something more he'd comment or message you (but hey congrats on doing well)

No. 117409

>>117405
Definitely makes sense. Thanks!

No. 117412

Idk which thread to post this in, it's not related to an existing relationship but idk
Anyway, I'm in a few discord servers and I noticed they have nsfw servers that most people are in. Personally I don't like that people share porn with each other like that, I'm basically a prude virgin with other views on it. Thing is it really upsets me if someone I'm interested in is like that as well, it's just too pervy/animal-like/uncomfortable for me but it seems like almost everyone does it so it's not like finding someone better suited for me is easy.

No. 117414

My boyfriend and I broke up last Monday and I still feel miserable although we only dated for 2 1/2 months.
We met while he was visiting family in my city and we spent 1 1/2 months together that were super intense. I've had a lot of bad experiences with guys in the past years and this was the first time I truly felt comfortable with someone. After his time in my city he had to leave to work in another country that isn't too far from where I live. Before he left we had agreed on continuing our relationship and made plans to see each other again.
Although the distance was obviously a problem I never doubted our relationship, but then 3 weeks ago he randomly sent me a message saying that our conversations are the worst he has ever had in his life. I was hurt and shocked and asked him what we could do better but he said that he didn't know himself. It bothered him that we only talked about what we were doing, what were eating, watching, etc. but I seriously don't understand what else we should have talked about via text? I felt so helpless because no matter what I proposed, he didn't accept it and it seemed like he had already given up on us. He was going through a really busy period during that time and then told me that he'd need some space and that he'd think about our relationship after. I agreed, but after 2 weeks I just couldn't deal with being put to the side any longer and broke up with him because I felt like he had already given up on our relationship anyways.
He sent me a really long message that he had felt a strange distance between us after he left and that he got bored with me because of our conversations. He also said that he really wanted to think about our relationship but just hadn't had the time yet, and that I pressured him to give me answers he didn't even have yet.

I'm so upset about all this, firstly because I genuinely don't understand what exactly he was expecting from our texting convos while he's away, but also because he made me feel like I wasn't enough for him. I feel like this all ended way too soon, before we even had the chance to see each other again and get to know each other better. I'm thinking about him all day long and I'm considering texting him again to really clear everything up but I don't know if that's a good idea. I'm not sure if I could deal with possibly being rejected.
I'm just so sad because we were such a good match when we were together and it all went downhill so quickly..

No. 117416

>>117414
just leave it, anon. he's made it pretty clear to you by his actions and what he said, he thinks you're boring and doesn't want a relationship with you. texting him will make you seem desperate and you shouldn't be with someone who makes you feel like you are not enough.

No. 117418

File: 1561291875749.jpeg (67.88 KB, 750x741, 7D2F8DC8-B702-49F3-8ED3-78B68E…)

i just ended an almost three year relationship because he got violent again over nothing. i feel so shitty and it’s more over feeling bad for him because he has so many issues he refuses to fix. we’ve lived together for a while and now i have to go and move all my stuff back out and live with my parent(s) again, and i’ll have to stay in contact because of other things. i just feel really lost, this was my first long term relationship (last ex was also abusive and we only lasted three or so months) and i just want someone to tell me it’ll get better because the guilt is killing me, i know he won’t take care of himself without me there and it’s making me want to go back just to make sure he pays our/his rent on time and shower and clean up after himself. he’s also been trying to manipulate me into thinking i need him to be happy when i think it’s actually the other way around. i just feel so awful, like i’ll never move on or be happy again

No. 117421

>>117418
You absolutely did the right thing and like you said, you couldn’t be happy long term with him. It’s never worth it staying with a violent man. You can build a new happy life for yourself free from him and I’m happy for you that you’re doing that now.

No. 117424

>>117412
there are ppl who aren't interested in that type of shit, but probably not on the discords you're interested in

No. 117426

>>117418
You will be happy again. He sounds like he sucks (no offense) and you shouldn't worry, honestly. You made the right call. It's not like you guys can't be together later on, if he ever realizes he doesn't need to be a complete dumbass.