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File: 1633283575489.jpeg (93.87 KB, 828x654, B0E44610-557F-4084-A78B-6432CB…)

No. 207856

Vent your heart out, give and receive relationship advice from fellow farmers.

Previous threads:

No. 207858

that thread pic omg

No. 207859

Jesus Walter close your eyes when you're kissing

No. 207861

why do we have a threadpic of two men kissing on a relationship advice thread on a female imageboard.

No. 207864

cuz it’s funny

No. 207873

No. 207875

that pic… absolutely based, I salute you

No. 207876

He was clearly caught off guard though

No. 207877

Yeah, the way he's grabbing Jesse's wrists it seems like he's trying to push him off.

No. 207882

File: 1633293506723.jpeg (82.22 KB, 1200x675, 2507EEFB-F89B-4674-BC03-D56108…)

I can’t help but feel like my ex is keeping me on the backburner. We had a really bad breakup, live in different states, and have completely separate friend groups so there’s not practical reason for staying friends. We reconnected a few years ago but over the Pandemic we have ramped up to talking quite a bit. For awhile it was just a meme or a comment every few days but recently he’s been contacting me multiple times a day. Some of the stuff he sends are definitely references to things we did together and one was even a reference to the nickname he used to call me. He asks a lot about when I’m moving to his state and has offered to help me find roommates as well as help me network with his friends. I asked him why he still talks to me since our break up was so messy and he said he was very heavily influenced by our relationship and that talking to me feels familiar and comfortable. He has a new girlfriend and he’ll post lovey dovey stuff about them to his story but when talking about his life directly to me never mentions her. Not even in passing. We’ve been discussing a lot more personal topics lately and I feel like when he tells me about his life but not her it’s very deliberate. I like talking to him as my friend but I feel like he has ulterior motives and is waiting to see me in person again to decide how he wants to proceed.

No. 207891


yes you're right he's keeping you on the backburner in case the new girl doesn't work out. Why are you letting him? Surely his friendship isn't that magical and special that it's worth it to be the "just-in-case" his current girl figures out how worthless he is and drops him.

No. 207910

really? now I have to stare at two moids kissing whenever I want to read this thread. also why you gotta do my man walt like this. 1/10

No. 207911

Totally agree with >>207891

No. 207960

For those who remember I'm the "anon that got invited to live with a Sugar Couple" from last thread.
After a weekend of deliberation I'm going to accept her proposal. Wish me luck, since I clearly lack the mental fortitude to do another thing. Will try to keep you updated in a week or two.

No. 207961

I don't think it's wise but at least try to keep yourself safe and don't do shit you don't want to do. While you're there, try to organize a way out so you can if need be.

No. 207965

I've had an ex do something similar. I knew he had a gf and I could see that on fb but he talked about his life just somehow avoiding any mention of her. I thought he was only being mindful of my feelings but so much time had passed so it shouldn't require all that tiptoeing aroung my feelings. Then one day he sent me a gift. He'd sent me a couple small gifts before that too, housewarming gift, birthday etc. I thought he had woken up and stopped being an asshole who uses people. I was getting gifts and I wasn't giving gifts back but he gave anyway. It was nice to feel somewhat compensated for the shit he put me through years earlier.

This time the courier rang him that morning because they couldn't find my house and he gave them his phone number not mine.. he was likley still in bed with the gf that morning when the courier rang and when he awkwardly then rang me whispering and asking if I got the item I realized he was being very careful not to let her find out. He was almost caught that morning though. I then remembered our breakup and him weirdly saying "someday we'll maybe meet again and it'll work" Again I thought he was saving my feelings with this odd statement but now I get it. Men really are more likely to do that shit, to keep up with you and show you small acts of kindness purely on the off chance that it pays off and he can smoothly dump any current girl who is getting stale and recycle you. It's less about wanting love or friendship and it's more about never wanting to be left with a sexual partner.

They'll hang on to a girl they're not even feeling anymore and just stay put til the next (or the recycled) woman is lined up ready to get with them. Acting like a changed man while he's betraying his current gf because he has a whole plan worked out.

No. 207970

Why waste your youth on sex crazed boomers? Better start looking for therapists in your area too while you're accepting their proposal.

No. 207971

When should I start using pet names and saying "I love you"? I'm in my first relationship ever as a 21 year old and I just don't know what to do with these things…I'm really scared that my inexperience is going to cause problems.

No. 207973

It's a very personal thing but I personally see it as a red flag if either party says "I love you" before like the 4-6 month mark. Pet-names are different, you can have a goofy nickname for your significant other pretty early on (as long as they don't mind)

No. 207974

Let him say it first, unless you're with a woman. In that case say it whenever is natural, this is usually a few months is a good amount of time.

No. 207975

I will try to figure something out in this manner, thanks for caring

As I said last thread, I lost my job, don't have money to pay rent and eviction is due day 15 of October. I'm living at a big city to attend Uni, but don't want to go back to my hometown because shitty family and because if I leave, I loose my free spot at the Uni and would need to reapply to it again and pass it again. Also looking for another job/place is has been hard, rent is all on the 600+ and work is scarce since the economy is still felling from the covid lockdowns.
It's not my ideal scenario, but given my options, and the fact that I'll keep attending Uni and even have more time to delicate myself to it, it's the """"""""""""lesser evil"""""""""""""""""

No. 207982

File: 1633359242567.jpg (85.92 KB, 600x399, self sufficient.jpg)

My boyfriend is illogical and irresponsible.
He's really anxious about saving the planet and degradation of the environment. It's been a central concern for him for actual years, more than a decade actually. But he lives in the city doing some useless fucking job. We never talk about it but we did today, I tell him that if he's that terrified of an oncoming environmental catastrophe, it'd be a good idea to have the project to buy some land in the country with a spring, renovate or build a home, have chickens and whatnot, solar panels etc, plant vegetables, learn to do useful things.
He looks at me like I have 3 heads and tells me he'd rather vote green like that's going to change anything. He also doesn't get that's it's always dangerous to live in a fragile economy working a tertiary job with zero manual skills to offer when you're not one of the 1%. He tells me he has savings at the bank like they're not numbers on a screen that can disappear the instant shit goes sideways.
I know how environmentally conscious he is, yet he lives in a way that guarantees he's in deep shit if his fears are true, ie apartment life in the city where during a collapse there's no community or mutual assistance and famines and conflict and every suffering you can imagine.
I try my best to have my values influence the way I live (I also worry about the environment even though it's not my most pressing concern/mission for the world and society) and it demotivates me to see he does nothing of his own values. It's even stupider because I would be down to do some electricity work and put fencing and cook and pickle stuff and garden.
I feel like I'm the only adult. It's one thing not to take care of yourself, but I'm also sad that he doesn't care about what becomes of ME if a catastrophe of his caused by environmental disregulation struck.

No. 207985

When do I know when to give up on my crush? We've known each other for a couple of years but never been that close. We are part of the same group gaming together so I have a chance to get closer to him. But I've talked to him a few times in his DMs but I never really receive any messages from him. And we only really play together when the group gets together. I've never really gone after someone before so I don't really know what I'm doing. Any advice would be appreciated.

No. 207986

>it'd be a good idea to have the project to buy some land in the country with a spring, renovate or build a home, have chickens and whatnot, solar panels etc, plant vegetables, learn to do useful things.
ot but god I want to do this so bad.

No. 207987

>>it'd be a good idea to have the project to buy some land in the country with a spring, renovate or build a home, have chickens and whatnot, solar panels etc, plant vegetables, learn to do useful things.
Do you happen to be bi? Asking for a friend.

No. 207988

I'm not bi but I pray you are able to do this with someone you love. It's actually heartwarming to see there are anons who want to live meaningfully. I have to be in the city and while I'm here I try to spend my time in a way that benefits society but maybe in a few years we'll have bordering lands and swap preserves for eggs lol

No. 207989

wait at least a month or two.

No. 207990

Wait, I'm confused, is this IN the relationship, or just while you're seeing someone/going out with them? Because usually I say "I love you" early on, but that's after seeing them after 6 months or so.

No. 207998

Nta but having been in a situation myself where I was in between places, worried sick about making rent and with a housing shortage in my area.. I dated an older guy who I would've not dated otherwise. I got 3 years of free rent out of it but tbh I felt trapped for probably 2 out of those 3 years. Trapped but by my own hands as much as his. I don't know if it was worth it. Most days I'd say it wasn't given I constantly ruminate over the low level abuse I didn't even recognise til I was out. I paid a bigger emotional price than he did with just his money.

I hope for the best for you but do make an escape plan in advance. Too many people take advantage by trapping young women using financial obstacles. And they make it seem appealing on the surface.

No. 208038

Ever heard the phrase "if he wanted to he would"? He's had plenty of opportunity to get closer to you and ask you out, but he hasn't. I know it's popular in this libfem era for women to pursue men but speaking as someone who's done that multiple times and correspondingly had multiple shitty relationships, I don't recommend it. I'm well aware men that approach first can be just as bad, but pursuing a guy guarantees nothing good. 1) He's just never been that into you and if he agrees to go out he's settling and keeping you around as free emotional labor + sex. Men do not have qualms about using and fucking women they don't even especially like to reap the benefits. Or 2) He does actually like you but doesn't possess the spine to speak a sentence or two of interest and risk rejection. Meaning his insecurity, fear and idiocy are all stronger than his desire to date you. Many women's first reaction to that is "aaw how cute poor thing I'll do the footwork for him." Bad idea. Do you want to date a man or a little pissbaby? These guys typically have mental issues that dramatically self sabotage the relationship and may destroy your own self confidence in the process. Not worth.
My rec? Let him go. Actively look to expand your hobbies, meet more guys, enjoy your life, and you will eventually find someone who is brave enough and excited enough about you that they will ask you out first. In a few days rather than a few years. I promise you there's better out there and you deserve to have a cute love story with a man who's crazy about you rather than one that starts with you holding a torch for some lukewarm gamer bro.

No. 208045

This x 100. I'm a bit older than the average lurker here and I've learned to spot a good man and relationship potential by seeing if he really puts in effort to introduce himself into your life, flirt with you politely (big indicator of what plans he has for you) and make things pleasant for you. Also, gamer guys, as much as I hate to say it considering I used to play a ton myself, are usually coomers and lazy. He's relegated you to a chick he plays games with so leave him at that too. You'll find better guys

No. 208051

I posted this in the vent thread but my ex who I still miss and have feelings for (broke up 7 months ago) recently followed me on insta, even though I told him I don't ever want to be friends and had been blocking him for a long time. I kinda initiated the breakup but it was mutual, during it he said he doesn't love me or something similar.

So I ignored him following me for a few days, after that he started watching my stories. I thought that he was trying to get me to interact so even though I was wary of checking his social media profiles, I thought he wouldn't add me if he had a new girl and thought I'd be safe to check out what he wants. I didn't wanna get back together but I was curious as to why is he pestering me again (he was randomly interacting with me before this too).
Turns out he has uploaded very lovey pictures of his very new gf and him and was probably trying to get me to see them. I even saw a picture of them kissing.
I hate it. It really broke my heart again.
Why did he do this? Why follow his ex when he has someone new, isn't that disrespectful to her?
Is this normal behavior for men? Or does he really want to be friends this much? He said he didn't love me for a long time when I initiated the breakup so why does he keep trying to fucking be in some kind of contact?

I also don't really know how to get over this, I thought I was healed but I feel like this set me right back to the beginning. I cried over it like a dumb ass and I feel like I'm a loser being still alone when he has found someone.
How to get over seeing your ex you still kinda love with someone new?

No. 208056

Best to ignore him and not give him the satisfaction of knowing you looked. This is the crazy emotional shit men pull that they'll never admit to. If you call him out he'll only deny it, pretend he's so over you and just being a friend etc. Your own common sense tells you that's not true.

I had an ex be the one doing the dumping, he moved on real quick, treated me like someone he couldn't stand to talk to and then kept messaging me for months once we were living on opposite ends of the country. I think he wanted to make sure I was still single (cause he's not so big win for him) I let him stay in touch to see what he wanted. The moment I got a new gf I never heard from him again. His gf never stopped him messaging but mine sure did. Stupid games. He wants to make sure you're not thriving without him essentially.

No. 208057

Thanks. I know that is the right idea logically, it's just in my experience the only 2 guys that showed enough interest in me to tell me were sex offenders. Not even joking, one was sending nudes to minors and the other roofied a girl and raped her so not a good track record so far. I should just stick to women at this point

No. 208108

it's completely normal to not talk to your partner during working hours right?

No. 208109

Of course, specially if you really have to focus, like, imagine being a surgeon, and stopping an open heart surgery to reply to a text message from your partner asking if there’s any toilet paper left in the garage.
Or being in the middle of a meeting with an important client for a multinational company and telling them to shut the fuck up because bae wants to know if you want pizza rolls for dinner.

No. 208111

>I should just stick to women at this point
No, don't settle with women as a consolation prize. Why are people so fucking desperate to get into any relationship? Think about what you need in your partner and drop anyone who doesn't meet those needs, it's that simple. You may have to spend time and effort looking but it's better than settling for a crappy relationship that won't add to your life.

No. 208115

Unless you're actually bi, no.

No. 208116

my job is really chill and i can respond to texts whenever i want i guess i just wanted to know if it's okay if i don't sometimes considering i am at work still

No. 208121

Nta. Of course it okay to not reply during work hours but do keep in mind that it's a bit of a you reap what you sow. If you generally reply to people/your partner during work hours because your job is really chill, you do create a reasonable expectation that you will respond during working hours.

No. 208124

Yes it's normal. You typically aren't attached at the hip to a partner all day. Just talk to him/her if you want to and if you have the time. Assuming they work too or have at least their own things going on, they likely aren't expecting you to have as much conversation as you would outside of work unless it's just casual chatter.

No. 208141

I don't need advice but I don't know where this question belongs
Is it normal for a guys underwear to smell like piss? Is it just because they don't wipe or what

No. 208143

I am bi

No. 208144

Didn't mean it as a consolation prize. I mean instead of splitting my time and energy between the two sexes to just focus all of it into women. It would just be nice to be wanted for once

No. 208173

That's completely fine anon.

No. 208180

I'm scared to introduce my bf to my family. I grew up christian and kept these values all my life but my mother dropped religion and became a spiritual flat earther + dad is atheist. my whole family is racist and make fun of believing in God now. my bf is muslim and very understanding and says he won't mind but I dont want them to say this embarrassing shit to/in front of him

No. 208182

Unless you plan on converting your bf is going to dump you eventually

No. 208213

Muslim men use western women as playthings until they secure a marriage. Be careful as they know how to act sincere and romantic, but they are the coldest discarders. Have you met his parents?

No. 208229

You should be careful with muslim men. I've seen my white christian born and raised friend get converted to the islam when she dated a muslim man, it was as if she got indoctrinated into a cult. Then he cheated on her with a "true muslim" who he married.

No. 208259

This is true, muslim men have a disgusting attitude to non-muslim women and women in general. They think only a "pure" muslim woman is worthy of marrying, meanwhile they themselves can do whatever the fuck they want.

No. 208270

He probably leaves the last piss drops to fall on it, and doesn't clean his dick after pissing, so at least a drop or two might stay in it.
Total scrote behavior, man lack the basic hygiene you would expect from a normal grown up
But how do you know it smells like it?

No. 208271


I'll be a little hard with you annonete but he is probably just using your for sex or for a recreational relationship. After he gets from you what he wants he will call you a whore on your face and leave to marry some cloistered 18yr muslim girl that got an arranged marriage.

Also, If you are a devote christian, why are you even dating a Muslim in the first place?

No. 208301

Has anyone ever regretted staying with a partner who years into the relationship decided they no longer wanted kids while they themselves were on the fence about kids?
Minor background I have PCOS so fertility has always been a sore spot and am hitting the baby manic age of 30 this year. On top of chronic health issues didn't treat my body well as a youngin so feel like I'm in the last 5 or so years of even safe pregnancy.

No. 208304

Depends but generally yes. As other anons have said if its a focus based job or personal phones frowned upon kinda workplace definitely.
Even if it's a more relaxed setting some just see work hours as their time away from spouse.

Have you told him thid is how he makes you feel?
I feel for you anon I dream of the buying land and doing for myself life but my partner is a city boy who wants fiber internets and hates doing 'burbs level of property maitaince.
You have to think about what matters more to you if he won't smarten up sadly.

No. 208313

I got married when I was only 22 and my partner was 24. We were on the same page not wanting kids and then 2 years into the marriage he admitted he had kinda lied and so he left. Turns out he was on the fence and saying otherwise to please me? It was shitty for me at the time but I do think wanting a kid isn't something you should ever give up for another person. You could waste your fertile years with someone only to get dumped by them. I don't see it as something to compromise on.

Do you think the number 30 is just scaring you though? Like do you flip flop on your feelings about it? Since reaching my 30s I have rare moments where biology is finally nagging me but I know deep down I don't genuinely desire motherhood and all that it entails. It's a headfuck to deal with.

No. 208321

I have always kinda flip flopped for various reasons. In my teens I never wanted kids and saw my infertility as a bonus to that goal.
Late teens I was in my first serious adult relationship and pretty much knew if I couldn't give that partner kids it would not last so I really pushed myself on the healthy train to try and work towards that which funny enough is when my health started to get worse lol and then I left him for other reasons.
Early-ish 20s ended up getting married for the wrong reasons and when it was good kids were discussed but I wasn't 100% on board but knew I had time.
Mid 20s meet current partner, he always talked about family naming traditions for kids ect in the earlier years then fast forward to about a year, year and a half now he says he doesn't think he wants kids.
I think mostly I was always leaning more towards not having kids but would be willing for my partner and if my health would allow. Put a lot of time into researching how I could help make that possible over the years and really tried to follow through on what I thought would help but definitely the past few years been feeling that clock ticking louder. Didn't help my 1st ex had his kid with the gf that came after me during this time and family is all having their 2nd and 3rd kids.
There is definitely a small part of me that thinks I want children and then just all the reality sets in.
Costs, my health, my partner not wanting them, both of us have shit tier genes and both families being a bit whacky. Also with current partner I would be in a different country than my family.
On top of all this my partner and I have been in a LDR for the 6 years we have been together and things have been tough last year so there's lots of small variables running around in my mind too.
When we had the first serious chat after he said he changed his mind he made it out more like he would be fine if we didn't have kids but if somehow we did conceive we would go from there.
Most recent convo he is willing to get snipped which to ne sounds like he's made up his mind.

Sorry for the novel. I have like no one irl to talk about this with and I think its mostly just my body just trolling me a bit as well as and this is going to sound kinda dumb but watching RawBeautyKristi on youtube and her struggles and then her honesty post-partum about why she may not have another child just kinda intensified the weird flip floppy feelings I had lol.
I don't think my current partner would leave me honestly and so that also weighs on me because I know if I want to try for kids it won't be with him.

Thank you for your reply!

No. 208330


some of you sound kind of racist. I appreciate the concern but we've been together for years and his parents want us to get married already. It's 2021 he's not fresh off the boat damn. It's my parents that are the problem..

No. 208331

File: 1633548317283.jpeg (107.41 KB, 1100x824, I am confusion.jpeg)

I thought of my old high school boyfriend for the first time in awhile and saw via facebook that a.) he's single and b.) lives in the same town as me. We dated my freshman and sophomore years, but broke up as he was more mature (a year ahead of me), I wasn't ready emotionally to have sex and he was. It was a fairly amicable breakup (in that there was no post-break up fighting) but it being my first really hurt, so I did the old 'unfriend on fb and never talk again' routine.
I went overseas after high school and have only recently returned within the last year (for good though, thanks 'rona). It's been about 10 years and I'm interested in reconnecting with him (just to see if we'd even be compatible anymore I guess, a lot can change in that time), should I send him a "Hey how've you been?" message? I already sent him a friend request and he did accept it…I guess I just don't know if that'd be weird or not.

No. 208333

Do it!

No. 208336

I find being hung up about school crushes weird, and, depending on the grade the initial crush happened, even creepy, if I'm being honest. Considering he did accept your request though, maybe he'll be open to it. It'd still first scout his friend list (if it's publicly accessible) to see if he accepts just about everyone or if it's only people he has a possibility of knowing though.

No. 208340

>I was immature for not wanting to have sex as a literal child at 14/15, he was so worldly for being a horny teenage male
Every day I am more traumatized by this timeline

No. 208342

I thought the same.

No. 208378

I recently stopped shaving my legs and armpits and my boyfriend obviously doesn’t like it as he’s male. He is very sweet and supportive to me and takes very good care of me, and he said he will do it for me every day if I don’t want to, but it’s more about normalizing seeing body hair on women for me than not wanting to shave. He even said he would shave his if I shave mine. I feel like he’s giving good compromise options, but I really don’t want to submit to the retarded pedo society shit when men don’t have to. What should I do?

No. 208380

Tell him your reasoning? A lot of people think women not shaving is a statement that they're letting themselves go and don't want to take care of themselves (retarded, I know), and not so much that they hate the appearance of it. Basically, if he is as great as you say, then he'll understand your reasoning. Imo, men only deserve to be called "sweet" and "supportive" if they act that way when you aren't bending over backwards sexually to please them.

No. 208382

Yes I completely agree. Usually people are accustomed to praising the first penis that isn’t beating them, and I’ve been there so I am diligent about holding standards. I didn’t know if I was being unreasonable because I understand that it is going to be unattractive to him and I would find it unattractive if he shaved his head or something. I told him my reasoning and he says he finds it unattractive. I feel very conflicted. I may just keep doing it and see if he gets used to it? Thank you for your input, anon.

No. 208385

You can do that and he will have to accept it. You just have to accept the fact that he might not find you attractive any more if you become a hairy ape.

No. 208386

Tell him you'll start shaving again if he shaves his entire body every day for a month. He will probably get if after that

No. 208387

>He even said he would shave his if I shave mine
Hold him to this. See if he breaks when his bros start ragging him for being "gay" for grooming himself or the simple inconvenience of having to maintain a hairless body

No. 208394

Yo I would dump him for this, this is just adding insult to injury. He doesn't even shave for you but he's only willing to do it so you will keep up with his sexual preferences? He doesn't care to look good for you bestie

No. 208395

LOL anon you are so naive, I'm a brown person myself and so many of my muslim friends have stories about their men playing around with non-muslims before discarding them or forcing them to convert. Listen to those posters, they're giving you good advice

No. 208399

Honestly, this would really bother me too. He seems pretty shallow and petty about something as silly as body hair. Women are expected to tolerate men's body hair despite it being thick, unaesthetic, and smelly, yet he can't stand your natural body despite it being completely inoffensive? Some men really ruin it for themselves by being retarded, they don't deserve girlfriends. If you really want this scrote I'd say you stick by what you're doing now, he can fuck right off if he hates it that much.
>I would find it unattractive if he shaved his head or something
That's really not the same thing, shaving your head is completely drastic in comparison to a woman having her natural body hair…

No. 208400

Let me start out that I have a really sweet and caring boyfriend who is very romantic towards me. He is also super cute. We have interesting conversations a lot of the time. However, I feel like something is missing.

I don't really feel like my boyfriend is culturally, artistically, or spiritually curious. He doesn't know about art or culture, even pop culture. I wish I could talk to him about TV shows or movies, but he doesn't watch either, and he hated the one non-Hollywood movie I showed him, saying it was boring.

I think in a lot of ways, he's like a STEM lord, but he's not even good at those things. He went to college but never learned statistics nor basic calculus, which kinda lowers my opinion of him. He works with kids, but he's not gainfully employed, imo. I'm graduating college soon, but he doesn't seem interested in talking with me about my future career goals. He doesn't really seem to have a direction in life right now.

I also don't really like his political views. Usually I really like talking about politics, but my bf is just a normie liberal who still really hates Trump. Of course I don't really like Trump either but I find talking about him boring.

idk, I thought having a sweet, caring, and romantic guy would be all I need. But I think he is kind of boring and not really that impressive.

No. 208402

kek good idea, he would probably realize how much fucking time it wastes. he’s shaved my legs for me before and it took half an hour, I have long freakish spider legs and so does he.
He has a few times actually, he just doesn’t anymore because I stopped caring and realized shaving most parts of your body is unnecessary and weird. It was never daily, though, and my hair regrows to visibility daily.
Damn. Good point. My legs still look the same just with fucking hair on them. Fuck that. We talked about it a little more and he agreed that it’s societal and unfair but says he was raised in that society so that’s how he feels about it. When we have discussions about disagreements, we always come to a resolution, so I think you’re right and I should just hold out until he gets used to it and the association MALE… HAIR IS MALE! leaves his brain. It’s literally the same thickness as my arm hair which he does not care about at all, lol. Thanks, anons. Love ya. I think my mom gagging every time I see her got into my head a bit.

No. 208413

File: 1633588734342.jpeg (51.24 KB, 540x439, 4CAA3C2D-9F0A-48AF-AF4F-A8382A…)

My boyfriend left for the military and I held it together while he was here but I haven’t stopped crying for the last few days. I can’t think about anything else. Normally he would be the person I’d confide in, but he’s my only friend and now he’s gone. I just feel very lonely and sad.

No. 208421

Please tell me I did the right thing. I met someone through the internet. He lives on another continent but is my dream guy. I dreamt of moving to him. He told me he will visit me etc. We video call everyday until someday he had no more time. He answers maybe once a week with short sentences. I'm so hurt and check everyday if he is online and when he was online but didn't answer me I broke down crying. This went on for many months. I asked him why he doesn't just leave and that he can just leave me. But he said that he promised me to always be here for me. Yesterday I told him he should just leave me because I want to start to heal. Then he blocked me. And all I'm thinking now is how HE is feeling now.

No. 208424

It has nothing to do with racism, islam is a misogynistic belief system and muslim men treating non-muslim women as disposable is a well-known problem.
I wish you well but you should not be naive.

No. 208425

I'm sorry you're feeling sad anon, but please take this opportunity to develop more hobbies and foster more friendships (especially with other women). Maybe even therapy if the things you need to confide are more personal and touchy. No one should ever be so isolated as to have their partner as their sole point of comfort. They can be the most important person to you, but not the only connection. Especially for women. Being isolated is a huge factor when it comes to abuse, physical or psychological. Even assuming your boyfriend is a decent guy, you don't want to be so weak and dependent on him that you completely break down when he's not around. If you don't have enough self worth to think about that for your own well being, consider how much stress it puts on him to be the only person in the world that can comfort you. He's a partner, not a counselor. Of course he can help support you but you should be competent enough to care for yourself as well.

No. 208427

>He lives on another continent but is my dream guy.
No, he's not. The imaginary concept you've developed vaguely based on a stranger you've never met in person is your dream guy. In reality, all you know is that he's a liar (said he would visit but didn't), a flake (started ignoring you even when you were still "friends") and an asshole (expressed that he wanted to be with you but is now ghosting you). Yes, you did the right thing by telling him to leave you alone. Blocking is the best thing he could have done for you and you should return the favor. You are also right about needing to "heal" because developing this sort of limerence towards a random internet person is unhealthy and maladaptive. You need to make an effort to add fun, healthy, interesting activities to your life, because if it was more balanced in this first place you never would've started obsessing about a guy who lives halfway across the world. (And I speak from experience from someone who also obsessed over a LDR that actually changed to a horrendous in-person relationship. They are never as good as they portray themselves, and in this instance he hasn't even been able to maintain the mask online.)

No. 208428

File: 1633596710283.jpg (23.93 KB, 447x447, 15dd77553486a11ee50e34a3fb05ee…)

Anons, I need your stance on what would you do if you were in my place as I'm sure the people who could give the best advice in my situation are kind internet strangers. So:
> two years back, you meet a way younger guy, quickly start liking him as you have very little experience in relationships, he seems to be into the same romantic / sexual things you're into and you've always wanted to try dating a younger twinky guy and you needed a friend you could talk to anytime.
> immediately notice tiny red flags, but you're a very tolerating person and the guy seems to need to be taken care of and you want to do that.
> you go to another country to meet him, everything feels beautiful, you want to eat him up alive, but he wants to wait until marriage for sex and you're actually okay with it. You start paying for absolutely everything, he treats it as a natural thing and you guess it's okay (you keep paying for everything and sometimes giving him money for the next two years as well)
> after several months, you get to live together for a couple of months and you enjoy every day with him, but he starts feeling uncomfortable with you as he says that you aren't a compatible partner for him, he doesn't have enough topics to talk with you about, you have no intriguing passions or interests and that love can't be a warm and fuzzy feeling, there must be a solid base for his love for you and that he can't feel romantic love for you.
> You get crippled by sadness. However, everything gets fixed magically in a couple of months, he comes to stay with you for another month.
> You keep being sad and worried because you're afraid of anything repeating again, he soon gets tired and decides that he's too weak for a relationship with you, and isn't happy that you also don't provide any valuable activities and conversations.
> He tries talking to other women online, while staying in you apartment as well, you find out, your heart breaks. He begs not to leave him, of course you stay with him.
> In half a year he proposes to you, you arrange the marriage (everything is paid by you), less than two months left until the wedding and he says that he isn't sure anymore as you're too sad all the time and also you have developed nasolabial folds and that affects him badly.
> You become a crippled cripple. Dude says that he will do his best to sacrifice himself, find will and strength to be with you and to ignore your appearance and personality flaws and maybe will want to marry you, you just have to give him time to consider you.

What would you do? Should I give him time or do I deserve a slap in the face for letting this happen and cancel everything already?

No. 208430

I really really hope you're larping, if not here's your wake-up call. If you stay with this guy you're choosing to be with someone who
>Abuses you financially
>Emotionally abuses you and puts down your appearance and personality constantly
>Cheats on you by flirting with other women… while he's still mooching off your apartment
>Acts like being with you is a huge sacrifice so he can guilt trip you into thinking you don't deserve better when he knows full well he's using you as a free ride
Why do you hate yourself so much that you're confused about staying in this pathetic excuse of a relationship? Honestly this guy sounds like a fag (pretty, "twink" even as described by you, won't have sex, doesn't find you attractive) and like he's just looking to lock you down while scouting for his next sugar mama

No. 208433

File: 1633597820862.gif (110.47 KB, 220x165, psa48eeZTr1xa39cgo1_250.gif)

nonna, God knows I wish I was larping.
Well, the thing is that I love him very much, he says he loves me too and regrets all the bad thing he's done to me.
And it's not like he was completely uninterested in me sexually, though I myself haven't been sexually satisfied, well, ever in my life.
Also, I lived in his nice apartment for a while too, though I did buy him things, food and groceries.
And he wanted to marry me asap this summer and was upset that we have to wait over two months for our wedding, why would he do that if he only wanted me as a free ride.
Also, we're both Christians, so that affects my outlook too.
I do sound not sane, don't I?

No. 208438

>he wanted to marry me asap this summer
I mean that just sounds like he's now in a rush to legally secure you as his personal wallet, probably because you caught him talking to other women and are (rightfully) considering whether your should cut off his access to your money. Him allowing you to stay at his apartment for a small period of time while you were paying for countless other expenses does not somehow make this an equal relationship. Absolutely nothing about his behavior indicates love for you anon, I'm sorry. I'm sure in your heart you know that as well. If you're Christian then you believe love should be Christ-like, yes? And what does that look like? Kind, considerate, generous, prioritizing your partner's needs, responsible, trustworthy, supportive. Read everything you wrote in your first post again and understand that absolutely no one would believe he is any of those things to you. Truly, the fact that you've been willing to put up with his cruel and self-serving behavior - for years! - is indicative that you have absolutely no self esteem. Please cut this guy loose and cut all contact then get therapy or even read some books about healing your self image, because this is terrible treatment you should never have endured. At the least, you posting here shows you have some small seed of doubt that realizes you deserve so much better than this garbage. Trust in that.

No. 208439

File: 1633599457200.jpg (376.21 KB, 1024x768, 1564788788748.jpg)

Thank you for your time and caring infinitely, anon… Hope you'll have a great day and that lots of happiness is awaiting you

No. 208443

File: 1633600109808.png (152.89 KB, 381x256, 8409832094732057.png)

Please take care of yourself nonny and reach out to people irl if you can. Family, friends, a therapist, even church groups possibly (if they're not going to victim blame or tell you to continue serving your partner or some shit). You should have a support system to get through this and process everything. If you need to talk more I'll be around although I know the internet is a poor substitute for real contact. Know that you are strong enough to get through this even if it doesn't feel like it right now. You are a worthy person just for existing and deserve real love that makes you feel safe and happy, not drained and hurt. Wishing you all the best.

No. 208462

Some ideas:
- he accepts that you might not shave
- he can shave all your body everytime it is needed
- you can shave some parts and leave others out
- if you shave, he shaves

No. 208463

Hi, nonnas. I was in a relationship for six years, that ended this summer. It was for the best. I feel better without him. However, there is an ex classmate that I found on social media and I would like to message him. I just want to talk and maybe who knows? He used to be in love with me, but we haven't spoken since we graduated, which is more than a decade ago! Should I message him, or should I let bygones be bygones?
Before you suggest, I don't want to be on dating apps, neither am I super keen on dating per se. It's just that I feel bad I didn't give him a chance back then. Thanks in advance!

No. 208468

Honestly anon this doesn't sound like a good lonh term match and a lot of these annoyances will turn into resentment down the road unless he changes. Have you told him how all these things make you feel? Men are dumb and need to be told how to change then they decide if its worth changing or nah.

You did the right thing and once it stops hurting you will know you did.

Slap yourself because you knew better. Send him back home and find a better partner. He is asking for time to find a new sugar mama not consider you.

Nothing wrong with reaching out and letting nature take it's course. I say go for it anon.

No. 208483

File: 1633623008816.jpg (81.75 KB, 800x1400, kneeling.jpg)

thank you so so much for the encouragement both anons, I'm the anon who should slap herself. he would've let me stay in his place though, I'm not sure if he's looking for another woman already though, he seemed really into me for some time and says that he still really loves me and needs time to realize if he can be strong enough to provide me enough love. though he ignores my messages about wanting to love him and wanting to stay completely monogamous for him and missing being basically his mommy gf, or just responds 'sorry' to that. maybe I'm too demanding. oh, maybe even God doesn't know what the guy is thinking. though I am findig some strength in myself thanks to the help from people like you

No. 208491

If his attraction to you decreases from this leading to a break up… I wont even know what to say. Update us anon.

No. 208535

File: 1633655075354.jpg (42.94 KB, 732x714, 1613834314584.jpg)

How do you guys deal with a busy boyfriend? Boyfriend started a new contract which is with a high end artist that can benefit the company + pay, and because of that, this weekend's plans got cancelled and I'm sad about it.
I know I shouldn't complain and stuff since he does so much for me, but god does it hurt.

No. 208544

Hobbies and also ask if there anything you can do to help him that might also get you a little bit of sneaky face time with him like cooking him dinner or cleaning up his place.

No. 208562

Break up with him
Break up with him
Break up with him
Break up with him
Do better
Break up with him
Break up with him

Hope this helps, abandon all men as they will eventually do the same to you <3

No. 208569

>zero manual skills
Dump him. That's fucking pathetic that he doesn't know how to do ANYTHING but wants to be "environmentally friendly". He's full of shit, anon. Want to do a litmus test? See if he could live a week without internet, or hot water. He wouldn't last 48 hours; dump him.

No. 208570

sorry you got broken up with

No. 208573

She is right though 50% of all marriages end in divorce and another large percentage stay together but actively delude themselves or just hate each other's guts. The vast majority of people are not going to be the exception to the rule, especially when so many women choose to overlook glaring red flags from the sort of limp-wristed smeglords described itt. The things that get brought up here are so rarely rational and workable issues like "how can we make more time together" or "we already communicate well but what's the best way to share my feelings" but
>he's a porn addict and talking with other women behind my back
>he has a dead-end job but wants me to remain the primary breadwinner while raising 3 of his kids
>we're not technically together but he texts me every 8.2 weeks to ask for a booty call, he loves me right?
>he's 2 decades older than me and already has a wife but says we're soulmates, other people just don't understand
>I've never actually met him in person and he's a Muslim radical but I can fix him
Like yes the men are horrendous but the absolute state of women that so many eagerly accept shit like this makes me want to give anons a lobotomy because even that would improve their standards

No. 208615

men are dogs but at least you can pick the better ones (the ones that are already somewhat tamed or tameable). Most cases in this are resolved by "tell him X is not ok as it is or break up".

No. 208618

Blame society for making people so scared of being alone that they would rather be with some horrible cad. Out of my 9 aunts/uncles, the only one still married to their first spouse is my one crazy republican aunt, and they have screaming matches all the time but are in too much credit card debt to afford a divorce.

Imo, people settle way too easily. All the time you spend in a relationship with some dillhole you can maybe tolerate, or even sometimes like, is time that you're passing a better partner by. All the time you spend just letting someone be a little shit and not confeonting them about it is time you'll never get back.

Imo, if some shitty behavior ticks you off, don't hold back for a second from criticizing it. Be ready & willing to argue. People can & do change but you don't know if they will until you try, and you just gotta rip that bandaid off and see what happens.

No. 208644


Anon here
Just to keep you updated and know that I'm well.
This week I moved out of my old apartment since eviction date was day 15, but since the next two weeks are filled with Uni exams, I decided to move out early so I get more time to study. Mary helped me with my things ( a backpack with some personal stuff and a suitcase with my clothes, the furniture came with the apartment).
Things have been fine this week, situation is still a bit weird for me but nothing bad happened. I got my own room in a guest bedroom in their apartment. The room is located in the end of a corridor, with their bedroom being on the other end of it. They gave me a key-chain with: A key of my room, so I can lock it whenever I want,a apartment key and two keys for the building front and service gates.
I think they are somewhat conscious of my weariness, since no sexual advance has been made toward me until the moment. Mary still talks to me like normal, asking if I'm comfortable and if I needed anything else and other general stuff we use to talk about. Joe on the other hand barely talks to me, he greets me and other normal stuff, asked me if I'm fine and all, but outside this small chit-chat we didn't interact.
I'm getting used to their routine but still spend most of my time in my new bedroom doing my things.
Things are "normal" since, they follow their routine almost religiously, and I'm more "invited to take part" instead of obliged to.
Mary and I have a "ladies bathroom" while Joe has his own.
Outside of breakfast, lunch and dinner we don't spend too much time together.
They cook for me too, so there's that. Both go to the gym are are very into the "fitness lifestyle", so I pretty much only ate healthy homemade food this week, hadn't ate this well before.
The only "bad" thing that happened and will keep on happening is that if I take off my earphones or mute whatever I'm watching on my PC during 11:30 to 12:00 I can clearly hear them having sex in their bedroom, which kinda reminds me of my old apartment since the walls were paper thin and I could hear almost everyday one of the neighbors having sex.

No. 208657

>like cooking him dinner or cleaning up his place
anon isn't his mother or maid. That's essentially doing free labour so he can do labour that gets paid, especially the cleaning part.

No. 208664

So you are becoming a sort of pet in the house?

No. 208673

I know this sounds bad but does anyone else find it weird to date someone who is a super positive person? This guy I'm interested in and have known for years is just like the epitome of a golden retriever, just loyal and good and kind but almost to a fault. Sometimes I just want to shoot the shit and shit-talk another person or vent in a really destructive shitty way but he can't ever talk about other people negatively and always tries to spin things in a positive light. I almost feel like a psychopath but this man is too good.

No. 208675

I used to feel that way, thinking people who were optimistic all the time were annoying or even dense, but now I realize it was just because I was in a shitty destructive place myself. I would kill to have a super kind and upbeat partner to talk me up and help keep me positive after wasting years around other pessimists that just kept me miserable. Venting is very overrated, it doesn't help and makes you feel shittier (https://www.inc.com/jessica-stillman/venting-just-makes-you-more-miserable-science-shows.html). You can discuss stressful things but it's better to do so in a constructive way and it sounds like he actually helps with that, which is so rare in general and especially with men

No. 208688

The only way it can be bad is if he can't process any negative emotion at all. As in, you have something serious to bring up and he just tries to brush you off or ignore the problem in favor of being more "positive." I'm only saying this because I had a ex who pretended to be positive, but was really just avoidant and would NOT be able to deal with negative emotions/situations. It's a huge sign of immaturity. My boyfriend now is actually very positive (not in a fake way), he has a full range of emotions but just chooses not to dwell in negative shit. He brings a lot of light and joy to my life. That is worth more than any retarded amount of gossip or venting. Shit never even makes you feel good.

No. 208726

File: 1633746223895.png (416.98 KB, 647x593, 1612302631633.png)

Me and my gf have been together for almost a year, and we're really happy together, but whenever things get steamy she always grabs/pulls at the fat on my torso.
I'm a healthy weight, but I do have some anachan history, and my gf is taller and thinner than me. It's really hard not to let her pinching my fat get to me; it makes me feel like she'd be more attracted to me if I lost weight.
Can anybody tell me what pinching someone's body fat means? She never gives me any other clues that she secretly doesn't like my body but it's still hard for me to cope with or understand this. Help pls!

No. 208727

>Joe on the other hand barely talks to me, he greets me and other normal stuff, asked me if I'm fine and all, but outside this small chit-chat we didn't interact
No shit, he's waiting to fuck you, shows how little he gives a fuck about you.

No. 208728

Do you have autism?

No. 208730

>whenever things get steamy she always grabs/pulls at the fat on my torso.
>it makes me feel like she'd be more attracted to me if I lost weight.
Are you retarded? So she's horny, she's grabbing at your body, and somehow that means she doesn't like those particular parts of your body??? Do you actively seek out body parts that turn you off during sex? If she refused to touch those areas, then maybe you could think she's not a fan, but jesus christ. I hope you're not actually this obtuse and are playing dumb for validation.

No. 208735

I think the most reasonable thing to do would be to talk to her about it, to ask her if she does so because she is attracted to it or because she might find it attractive (which would be a giant red flag, by the way).

I understand you because I also had a past with ED and it is very difficult to change that thought pattern, it basically spoils your whole sense of body perception. But considering that your relationship is more than a year old, it's important to maintain good communication with your partner, especially in this kind of insecurities, even if they don't seem like it over the long term, they can trigger you into another ED episode.

No. 208748

>ask her if she does so because she is attracted to it or because she might find it attractive (which would be a giant red flag, by the way).

Nta, why would being attracted to your gf's torso and wanting to pinch it be a red flag? Explain

No. 208754

Your question is the equilavent of seeing a fish swim in the water and asking if it secretlty doesn't like the water.

No. 208777

"I'm in the water, meh I guess i'll swim then"

No. 208779

Fucking I guess, I think >>208735 is right that it's because I have no idea how to perceive a body, even an attractive one, outside of 'skinnier than me' or 'fatter than me'. >>208730 >>208754
I'm definitely projecting my body issues onto our relationship but I'm gonna stop acting like it's based in anything Thanks for your help

No. 208803

I've only ever been on two relationships and I've never broken up with someone. How do you do it when you still care about the other person? We've been together for ten years but I'm finally realizing there's no way around our incompatibilities and he will never stop being a man child.

No. 208804

File: 1633797128212.jpg (338.27 KB, 800x1181, f0c.jpg)

Is it controlling if your partner expects you to be in bed with them every single night?
Sometimes I fall asleep on the couch while watching tv and my partner gets extremely hurt about it and guilts me. Sometimes when she goes upstairs to bed, she'll quip "See you tomorrow evening," because she knows I might fall asleep watching tv on my weekend off and so if she's gotta work a morning or mid shift she won't 'see' me until when she gets out of work despite the fact that we always kiss each other goodbye.

We're just a little too old to be having separation issues like this. I feel that unless I'm spending every single night on the couch alone that me sleeping down here once or twice a week shouldn't be such a big deal. I usually do it because late night is my time to watch something. From the moment we're together at home we're around each other at every waking moment (she doesn't have friends outside work acquaintances so I understand why she's more lonely). We watch dozens of hours of tv together, we take walks, etc. I could understand the gripe if we never spent time together but we always do.
I don't know what to say that's reasonable, I feel like I've tried explaining why I do this before yet she just made me feel guilty.
Last night we were watching tv together and when she got up to use the bathroom, she came back buck naked expecting to fuck around. I told her I was on my period and not very in the mood anyway, I wound up falling asleep on the couch so I think I made her feel rejected based on the look she gave me this morning when she came to kiss me on the couch before work…but like?
Am I really in the wrong? I need the decompress time.

No. 208807

I don't see a problem with it if it happens occasionally. If it happens all the time and you already don't spend a lot of time together, then yeah maybe she has a point although she doesn't have the healthiest way of communicating it to you.

No. 208813

File: 1633799394333.jpg (501.55 KB, 1536x2048, 1630694162591.jpg)

My boyfriend had a dream where he was at a candy store, and I was being sold as candy, while wearing skimpy clothing. In this dream, he wants me, buys me, and takes me home.
What does this mean?

No. 208817

I wouldn't draw any conclusions from dreams anon, not even scientist fully understand dreaming. Unless you're superstitious about dreams having meaning I guess.

No. 208821

peepee itchy

No. 208825

I'm kind of superstitious, in my culture this type of dream tends to be a bad sign, but it could just be me

No. 208826

I’ve dealt with this exact same situation (I could sleep on the couch with the tv on every night) and imo it’s an introvert/extrovert issue. My partner is great and all, but like you, I also need recharge time alone. Recharge time for her is time with you and sometimes it’s hard for extroverts not to take that personally. Even if you’re spending a lot of time together otherwise, a lot of extroverts really want that closeness when they go to bed. It’s easy for us as introverts to say “we already spend a lot of time together” because that isn’t recharge time for us.

I think you both should understand the other one better. You should realize why she’s hurt, she should realize why you’re not trying to hurt her and also not guilt you. I was able to compromise, I come to bed more and don’t sleep on the couch as much, but I use my earbuds and phone to watch my bullshit in bed.

No. 208833

I wouldn't read too much into it, I had fucked up sex dreams that did not reflect my real desires/values at all. Kinda fucked up that he "bought" you, though, but again, it is a dream. On the low bar of the bright side, at least he bought you? I don't know your boyfriend, so if it's a little too weird coming from him, maybe be on the lookout.

No. 208837

Dreaming, as it is understood right now, is just the brain processing data and information, which tends to result in odd dreams. I don't know if this will reassure you but I don't think there's any scientific proof dreams could be predicting/sign towards something bad happening in the future. I guess it would be fine to be tentatively careful if you genuinely think it's a bad sign I think his day to day words and actions are more telling than a one-off weird dream.

No. 208843

It's no skin off your back to change this one sloppy habit of yours and make her feel less rejected. Once or twice in a blue moon on the couch is fine, but once or twice a week is way too much.

No. 208844

File: 1633815296786.gif (222.58 KB, 250x179, tumblr_ff75fa35ee8d24fcd550485…)

idk how to motivate myself to date. the process of getting to know someone and trying to find chemistry is so fucking boring. playing 20 questions is so fucking boring.

i also want to try dating women but they intimidate me more than men. i actually want to impress women whereas i couldn't care less about what men think of me and find them annoying more often than women.

No. 208848

So don't date? No one needs a partner.

No. 208852

I usually think the same. I just want someone to care about me and listen to my shit, but most of the people around me are already paired up and busy with their partner's emotional life. If I went out on the street and randomly pointed at a dude, it'd probably have just as much of a chance of working out as trying to carefully select through online dating. The closest I have to intimacy right now is a fucking online crush, even though I'm usually the first in line to shit on long distance relationships.

No. 208854

but like… i'd like to have one. i just dislike the process

i'm privileged enough to have great friends that are single but damn i just want someone to connect with romantically and sexually.

No. 208898

I'm in the same camp as the anon who said don't date but for me that doesn't mean you can't or don't still make efforts to meet potential partners. The best way to find someone is to expand your social circle, take up more hobbies, volunteer, go to meet ups and events, and just introduce yourself to people organically. It's way more enjoyable to meet people as a part of activities you'd normally be doing anyway. You get to see them in the real world, interacting with others, get to know them as part of a group and see if they work as a friend first rather than feeling you immediately have to size them up as partner material through carefully curated dates.

No. 208902

>we were watching tv together and when she got up to use the bathroom, she came back buck naked expecting to fuck around. I told her I was on my period and not very in the mood anyway, I wound up falling asleep on the couch
Ouch. No one is obligated to have sex with their partner every time they feel like it but it's kind of sad she made herself vulnerable expecting her partner to be excited then just got bluntly rejected. Maybe you could specifically schedule certain days you plan on not going to bed with her? If she knows it's coming she won't feel blindsided and you get your alone time guilt free.

No. 208941

File: 1633876347950.jpg (148.01 KB, 1300x866, 93267895-old-age-people-and-li…)

Anons in long term relationships, how do you feel after many years have passed? Do you miss how "honeymoon period" felt like? Have hardships influenced the way you feel about your partner? In what way you keep the relationship feel romantic, not like just a strong friendship?
It's my first time to date anyone for longer than 2 years and I'm curious how it is for other people, since obviously it's different than in short term relationships and I think I need to sort out some of my feelings here.

No. 208946

I've been with my boyfriend for a decade now and while I miss the butterflies, the relationship has evolved into a deep understanding of each other. He feels like home and he feels the same way about me. We're both not overly romantic people but we still make sure to have special date nights every so often. Remember that it takes work on both sides to keep the romance alive, but it's so worth it. I hope you find happiness anon.

No. 208964

In my last relationship I was a night owl and he started work way earlier than me. I remember we had to discuss it because it definitely was an issue at times. I basically learnt that in his mind it was read as me 'avoiding intimacy' He thought I was staying out there half the night all because I was just that determined to avoid sex. He fell asleep thinking I found him gross. It wasn't about that so we figured that at his bedtime I'd go in and if at all in the mood we'd do something, even if it's just quick oral for him. If I really wasn't in the mood we'd cuddle and just make an effort to end the night nicely.

He'd doze off satisfied and I'd get up and have my solo hours then.

No. 208978

Thank you! It sounds so good and comforting what you have in your relationship; I hope for the same for myself

No. 208980

After five years, I still get the butterflies. We fight, we have problems, but still talk a lot about our feelings with sincerity, we flirt a lot. The Morticia and Gomez relationship I could never think of.
It helps a lot listening to each other without judgement and voice our concerns and divergences.
We both grew up in extremely toxic environment and decided that we never wanted to fall into those patterns.

No. 209081

I'm not actually sure if I want advice or just to rant. I simply dont know what to do.

I am mid-twenties and a postdoctoral researcher in science. In my uni department, my research group (from PhDs to professors) is about 16 men and then me (female). I cannot stop thinking about one of the Assist. Profs.

I don't know how old he is, but judging on his PhD thesis date he's going to be mid thirties. He's not conventionally physically attractive but he wont leave my head. He is insanely intelligent and is very young to be this high up the academia career ladder. I usually dont like when men are balding but on him I do not care. He's got the most interesting mouth and jaw, I've wondered what it'd feel like between my legs.

Today I sat at my desk trying to find the error in a calculation I have been working on but my mind kept wandering off. Sometimes I simply fantasized us in my favourite coffee shop, sometimes I was thinking back to conversations we'd had previously to "relive" them, but most of the time I was picturing him fucking me over his desk. A month or so ago we were in a boring meeting. He sat next to me (I'd like to say it was deliberate but I dont want to trick myself as it was likely chance) and lent back in his chair and put his hands behind his head. His shirt became slightly untucked from his suit trousers and out of the corner of my eye I saw his briefly his boxers. Why is it that the smallest thing does it for me so much?

I'm a capable scientist. I've won multiple awards, publish lots etc. I've even worked with a Nobel prize winner. But none of this matters; I see him in the corridor of our offices and I feel like a 15 year old girl again. I fell asleep thinking about him last night. Specifically him leaning back on that chair. I think whether that'd be the pose he'd do as I fellate him.

I'm under the impression that he's single, others in our group have mentioned how they wish they knew someone to set him up with. He's mentioned an ex-girlfriend in conversation previously so he likes women.

He seems to like me as a person - over summer break we would sit and eat together at lunch. I used to dread if someone would walk into the room as ask to join us. He'd once referenced a book in conversation, I was amazed as it was my favourite book - one that isn't well known and I'm always telling people to read. I'd liked him as a person for long before then, but that weird book moment was the one when I'd thought of him in a sexual light. Of course, I wondered, and still do wonder, if we was being polite during lunches. I cannot tell. We have the same humor and can sustain conversation for a long time. A few months ago an asshole in my department walked in and shouted at me, he defended me and went on to put a complaint into the department about said dickhead. There's so much I don't know about him and I want to know everything. I really have to suppress the female-autism when I speak to him so I don't splerg.

What do I do? There's a good chance he's not interested at all. Maybe he's just polite to the younger members of staff, including me, to humor us. Maybe he does like me, but as a person. Maybe he likes me as something more. Do I make reasons for us to spend time together?

There's meant to be a research group meal and drinks event soon. I'm going to put a little bit of pressure on the organizer to get it planned.

No. 209110

File: 1633990284582.png (346.41 KB, 367x399, 2358486485675475.png)

>we'd do something, even if it's just quick oral for him.
Glad to hear this one's an ex

No. 209111

I had the same reaction anon.

No. 209122

Always astounds me how men don't care if their partner is underwhelmed, checked out or completely turned off during sex. I can't even get aroused much less orgasm if a partner isn't all but tearing my pants off. Guy thought she might be avoiding him entirely to get out of it, so rather than upping his game to build her desire, he whined until she added a blowjob on the nightly to-do list right alongside brushing her teeth. Nothing says "intimacy" like guilt-tripped, unreciprocated obligation oral. Could've had the same level of emotional connection with his hand but I guess that was too much effort.

No. 209128

I've always wanted a partner who is somewhat close to my age, since I'm not really attracted to men too much older than me and I believe the less of an age gap there is, the better the chances of it working out will be.
But recently I met a guy 7 years older than me, and when we spoke about relationships and what we want out of them, for the first time in my life it felt like someone finally understood me and what I want.
The type of partner I want already seems extremely rare.
We even talked about some obscure interests, and he's the only other person I've met as into them as I am.
He would honestly be my perfect partner if only it wasn't for the age gap.
I'm wondering if I should make an exception, just this once, because aside from being too old for my tastes he seems to be everything I want.
What do you nonnies think?

No. 209133

are the two of you 18 and 25 or 34 and 41

No. 209145

>Always astounds me how men don't care if their partner is underwhelmed, checked out or completely turned off during sex. I can't even get aroused much less orgasm if a partner isn't all but tearing my pants off.
I don’t get this either. I could never get off if I thought my partner was just tired of my whining and only going down on me so I’d stop nagging, but pretty much every guy I’ve been with seems to have no problem. Even the ones who are normally pretty good at giving (when you’re both in the mood) seem to have no problem coercing you into a pity blowjob when you’re not feeling it. I hate how common this is with men.

No. 209149

Kind of depends on your age. Im 27 and if it were me, I would make that exception. I dont think 7 years is really that much of on age gap, I mean you guys are essentially from the same generation right? When people say age gap I think 10+ years. But if you're like 18-20 then maybe not. I feel like a 25 y/o should not be dating an 18 year old.

No. 209159

I'm a couple days late to this one but honestly sounds less like a silly dream of his that doesn't reflect anything meaningful and sounds more like his way of telling you he wants some weird sex rp thing. if it really meant nothing, he probably wouldn't have told you about it.

No. 209227

my boyfriend's family is Jewish and want him to go on a 1 week trip to Israel with him next year. I can't go obviously because I am not Jewish

am i being a bitch if i don't want him to go on a week long vacation without me?

he didn't even seem to think i would get upset about it for some reason, but he seems to be OK with not going if i say i don't want him to go but i feel bad now

No. 209238

The former. So I already know the answer of course but it still really sucks because if only he was closer to my age I would feel incredibly lucky.

No. 209242

Tbh even 34 and 41 is a retarded age gap while not as severe as the former

No. 209243

If its just with family then yeah you kinda are
Since you know the answer I hope you don't act upon it anon

No. 209252

File: 1634080823691.jpeg (578.48 KB, 828x910, 3849FA3A-ACD5-4321-96E5-64D225…)

did you really need to post this on 4chan too?

No. 209253

lol you can go to israel if you aren't jewish…

No. 209265

Probably a scrote testing the difference between answers

No. 209269

Yeah, I wanted more insight.

No. 209286

Yeah, you sound mad clingy.

No. 209311

You sound annoyingly clingy and yes you are being a bitch if you stop him. He's going with his family, it's hardly a lads holiday. And where on earth did hear that you can't go to Israel if you're not Jewish? Either you're a bit slow of your bf's lying to you. I actually kek'd reading that though so thanks for the laugh, clingy-chan.

No. 209316


yes, i admit to being clingy and a bit retarded.

i talked to my bf after reading these and he said he would pay for me to go (and clarified for me that i could in fact go) or he wouldn't go himself and i felt better so i just told him to go with his family

so, thanks anons

No. 209383

This sounds like a fanfic honestly. Good luck with your crush anon.
Out of curiosity, what is the book?

No. 209389

File: 1634181897075.png (500.98 KB, 720x540, 1280543637.png)

Help me anons I’m literally horrified right now.
My boyfriend of six years just spontaneously asked to break up with me last night after having a perfect relationship together. Worst of all was his reasoning that he fell in love with a new coworker of his that he’s been talking to for only a month and a bit.
Apparently they’ve been romantically talking to each other during this time behind my back and both decided that they’d break up with their significant others to be with each other.

I’m literally so heartbroken he’d do this to me. When I asked why he just said “I’m sorry, I’m just being selfish.” I tried talking sense into him and explained how horrible it is to do to someone that loves him and he ended up having a breakdown and agreed we can talk more about this in a week’s time to decide what we want to do.

What should I say to him to keep him anons? He’s literally the love of my life, he’s the only one I’ve loved and I can’t imagine myself being with anyone else. I don’t want to lose him.

No. 209392

Anon, I'm very sorry you're going through this. Unfortunately, all I can say is if he wants to break-up you can't force him to stay with you. Has anything particularly big happened in his life to make him act this spontaneously? Sometimes when people are going through a big change in their life it makes them do stupid decisions like this. Either way, he is right he is being selfish and it was a really shitty move to talk romantically to this person behind your back (which is technically cheating, even if he was planning to break up with you).

No. 209396

even if he agreed to stay, you'd never trust him again and it would never be the same. it's over.

No. 209399

>Worst of all was his reasoning that he fell in love with a new coworker of his that he’s been talking to for only a month and a bit.
Not that it matters anymore, but this is most certainly a lie in an attempt to soften the blow that he's been emotionally cheating on you and checked out of the relationship for quite some time. Nobody ends a long relationship for another person they've only known for a month, and at any rate, clearly he's had contempt towards you for some time to have considered this an option in the first place. A rational person wouldn't have confessed this to you thinking it would help you feel any better, it's something a liar like him has got to convince you about so he can feel less like a scumbag. Sorry, I just hate these kinds of lies.
>I tried talking sense into him and explained how horrible it is to do to someone that loves him and he ended up having a breakdown and agreed we can talk more about this in a week’s time to decide what we want to do.
Don't do it anon, he's already shown you what he's capable of doing if he's feeling a flight of "selfish" fancy. Unfortunately anon, I think you love him way more than he has any love for you. You're being manipulated by someone who has literally betrayed your trust.
Tbh it sounds like your self-esteem has been whittled down in this relationship, and he expected you to take him back so he can basically get away with having a workplace sidepiece consequence-free. He's got you so hooked that instead of anger, you're acting desperate. It's hard to see when you're in the thick of it, but you'll look back on this in the future and realize how undeserving this disrespectful guy is. Call his bluff and do not take him back, he doesn't deserve you or your forgiveness.

No. 209400

He recently got a new well-paying tech-job that said coworker gave him a referral to. I suspect that them being in the same industry and her helping him get the job was what drew him to her.
I’d actually met her in person a month ago when he invited me to meet his friends. I remember getting bad-vibes from her. Since she’s in STEM all her friends are male and I noticed she’d act very close with all of them but was a little weird towards me. She’d also been openly flirting with a particular guy on their school discord server despite everyone knowing she was already in a relationship at the time.

I’m afraid to admit this anon.

This isn’t even the first time he’s been wishy-washy about who he says he loves.
When we first met he was in a toxic forced open-relationship with his ex so he’d tell me he still loved her. It wasn’t until a few months in our “relationship” that he realized she was toxic and broke it off with her.
He also told me that before we dated he became infatuated with one of my friends for a week because she sent him a vaguely nice email before coming to his senses (context: my friend was a bit of a nutcase)

That’s why I can’t help but feel like he’s being impulsive with spontaneous love without really thinking things through (I also want to note this is his first female friend he’s had since me).

I haven’t thought of this anon. I want to believe this isn’t true because our last year together had been wonderful. We moved out together and spent all our free time together so I don’t want to think he was manipulating me. But I’ll keep what you said in mind and be more assertive and bring this up with him on Monday. If shows no remorse I'll end it myself.

No. 209401

I'm the first anon you're replying to, btw. This seems to be a reoccurring pattern for this guy to be infatuated by any woman who gives him the slightest positive attention. This is not someone you want to be in a relationship with, it will not work long-term (as evidenced by this whole situation). Can you really say, anon, even if he broke it off with this woman (which doesn't seem likely, by the way), that he wouldn't do this again in the future? Can you handle going through all that heartbreak, over and over? You deserve someone who loves you as much as you love them, not some dude with a wandering eye who won't even respect you enough to wait until you're separated to flirt with other women.

The fact that for the last year you've been having a great time with him makes it all that much worse; if he still catches feelings for other people, even when you both seem happy together, then it doesn't matter how much you try to improve your relationship, he'll always inevitably end up cheating again. The problem is him. He may or may not be manipulating you, but he sure as hell isn't being loving to you or even respecting you as a partner. Damn reading this made me so angry anon, you deserve so much better.

No. 209404

Thank you anon, that really means a lot.

I've been calming down and I can now see how I was being so delusional. The warning signs have been there from the start but I kept suppressing these bad thoughts because I was desperate to keep him.
He was the only one that ever showed me any love or affection so I felt like for so long that he was all I could get. I’m not kidding when I say he was the love of my life.
I even had a gut feeling that he's been cheating on me with her over the last month yet I kept on suppressing those suspicions and tried so hard to keep him. Damn, I even remember the last weekend I saw him I felt so anxious and my heart kept racing cause I knew something was up.

What scares me the most is that I'm literally all alone now. He was my best and only friend and he left me in a vulnerable transition time in my life where I now have no idea what I want to do with my future.
I'm completely alone and am just coming to terms that my relationship of six years has been a lie.

No. 209406

Do you have any friends or family members you can lean on for support? If not, it's alright (I am in a similar situation). Anon I'm just basing this opinion off of what you've said so far, but you sound like a very loving individual. The last 6 years may have been a lie for him, but definitely not for you. It sounds like you really loved him and at least tried to be a good partner to him. But it's better to be alone than to let him continue treating you this way, even then, I promise you, you won't be alone forever. I was trapped in that mindset once and I've since grown to see it's not true at all. Don't let this thinking make you think you have to stay with him, staying even longer will hurt even more because someday you'll have to wake up to who he really is. I wish you well no matter what you decide to do, you're being very strong for even trying to face this.

No. 209409

This made me cry, I really needed to hear this thank you. I have my mom to reach out to. I also have my brother but it’s hard because he’s also a close friend to him. I lost all my close friends from high school after I started dating him and I’m now starting to think they may have distanced themselves from me because they saw our relationship was wrong.
I don’t want these last six years to be a lie and for nothing but at least I’m coming out of it knowing I did nothing wrong and was the only one actually capable of true love.
Now that I’m reflecting I’m remembering how I’d always request relationship advice online about the messed up things he’d do and despite everyone saying he was in the wrong I’d try to convince myself otherwise. Like for example I remember about a year into our relationship he asked me if I thought we’d attend each other's weddings so nonchalantly. It's incredibly heartbreaking.

The thought of being with someone else scares me even though I know I deserve better than him. From this point on I’ll start to learn how to feel better about myself and know my worth. Just in the last week I was starting to feel truly happy with who I am and where I want to take my life, so I don’t want this situation to hinder it. I’ll try to be strong.

No. 209411

Sorry nona, this isn't advice but I wanted to say that this situation must be incredibly difficult and heartbreaking, it is my nightmare. You are so strong and honest with yourself about what you need to do next, I really admire it. It might take months even to start to feel ok again but please know your worth despite what he did. You have really inspired me personally to not be dependent on my boyfriend because my bf is currently also my only friend. You're in my prayers tonight anon

No. 209412

I’m happy that my situation could help you. You’re completely right, don’t become dependent on him. Befriend people to have in your corner that aren’t just his friends. If I had someone to vent about these things sooner I wouldn’t be in this situation and I wouldn’t have been as delusional to let it go on for so long.
I now need to become my own person and make true friends that respect me again. I hope things continue well for you, I’ll keep you in my thoughts during this. Your words truly meant a lot.

No. 209413

My first response to you but I just want to say I'm proud you've gone from the rose tinted 'but we were so perfect, I'll never love anyone else' to being this realistic. Keep that energy up.

Been through something very similar. I was isolated when he moved us far away, he became my everything and then he just fell for the first woman who paid him any attention and he was ready to move in with her a week after our sudden break up. Tore my world apart but he was giddily in love while doing it. Infuriating, humiliating. I dont think my pain even registered with him. He just wanted me gone ASAP so I kept some dignity by ignoring my impulse to cling. I blamed myself but in reality that woman now has to live in fear of any woman who returns a friendly smile with this guy can 'steal him'. Its just a pattern some people live with and repeat. If someone does this once it's likely they will again.

I mean even if you fall out of love and start to like someone else.. a decent person will try not to hop straight from one to another in a rush. A small gap in between saves your partner a world of pain but they rush because it's lust fueled. They'll say it's deeper than that but it rarely is. Lust and attention from anyone new will do.

No. 209414

Thanks, it is also surprising to me how I went from hysterics to acceptance in such a short time span. I think It’s because deep down I’ve been preparing for this for a while (like I said I completely predicted this happening).

But man, I’m completely filled with rage now the more I think about it. I know I’m being spiteful but I hope their relationship crumbles. It’s still beyond me how both of them were contempt with ending happy relationships just to have their spur of the moment fling with each other. I also wish she knew that she’s not as special as she thinks she is right now. I know full well he would’ve quickly jumped at the chance of dating anyone else showing slight interest in him. The cycle is simply going to continue for him and I can’t ever see him truly falling in love.

I’m so angry for me and I’m furious for you to have to go through this as well. I’m baffled now how he thought we could remain close friends despite all this. I now just see this as another example of his manipulation. I also can’t tell if it’s better or worse that he seemed to know that what he was doing was wrong.

Next time we meet I’m doing to keep what everyone itt said and really let him know what I really think of him. At the very least it’ll give me some satisfaction that he’ll finally understand how horrible he’s made me feel during these years. He’ll have to live with the fact that he was the toxic one for once in a relationship.

I’ll post an update for anyone interested come Monday if anything of value comes from this. Thanks again for all your kind words! We’ll get through this.

No. 209426

File: 1634219630497.png (125.48 KB, 419x257, 1589924312433.png)

anons how do I talk to my boyfriend about how attention-starved I feel without being accusatory? I just want to be cuddled and kissed and told I'm loved. we've had this discussion before, talked about love languages extensively, etc and he says he just seems to find it difficult to be outwardly affectionate. he goes through short bouts of being more cuddly, telling me he loves me, initiating sex often. but every time these happen I struggle to thoroughly enjoy the affection because I know eventually it will stop and I'll be left feeling emotionally starved. I feel like how I imagine someone who has been married for 40 years must feel, bored, depressed, growing resentful and irritable. today I snapped at him when he was being playful to annoy me because I just feel so underappreciated. it's hard because I know he loves me, he's not someone who would stay with me if he didn't, but I don't often feel loved. yesterday I messaged him asking if he wanted to come over and cuddle after a party we were going to and he told me it was too "forward". I'm exasperated but I love him and I don't want to leave him

No. 209427

samefag, *affection starved not attention

No. 209434

Anon, past a certain point you have to come to terms with the fact that a man doesn't care enough to change for you. This is that time. It's been said a million times before, but if a partner really loves you, you can tell them something once and they will actually do it. They will want to make you happy of their own free will rather than having to be cajoled and convinced. By your own admission you have already talked about this multiple times, and he's not only not changing, but blaming you for desiring affection (which is a completely normal thing in a relationship). Him expressing that your perfectly human desire to cuddle is "too forward" is a little gaslighty. He could've just said he wasn't in the mood, or more sweetly, that he was too tired but would make it up to you later. Instead he doesn't want to compromise at all and acted judgmental towards you. He is the weird one, not you.
At this point you either accept that there's a mismatch here and find someone who has more similar desires or else stay in a relationship that will always be unfulfilling to you. There is nothing at this point that will magically convince him to change. You either settle or move on. Let me just add that people are typically on their best behavior during the early years of a relationship. If you already feel like you've "been married for 40 years [and are] bored, depressed, growing resentful and irritable" then imagine what it will actually be like in a few decades. Why waste the time? I promise there are better partners for you out of the billions of men in existence.

No. 209444

He just doesn't care. Even the most brooding guy will be cuddly with the girl he's really into. Sorry

No. 209449

I mostly agree with the other anons on this, at the very least there is a needs mismatch and it's not going to change for the better. Maybe he does love you but even still, you both need to be with people whose idea of affection and space match up. The "too forward" comment is extremely weird btw. That makes me think there is something even sadder going on so just cut your losses and end it. You will find someone who gives a shit.

No. 209451

Serious question, how do you think talking to him this time will differ from your previous attempts? He didn't change after serious talks you've had before, he has no more reason to change now. In fact he probably has less reason to change because he now knows it holds no consequences for him. I find it seriously doubtful you'll gain anything from any more talks about it and I wonder what you think you realistically stand to gain from it yourself.

No. 209459

There are many great things about my bf but our conversations are so lackluster. I'd known him long before we've started dating, so I don't know what else I had expected. He's always been pretty reserved, not a talker at all. He got a bit more opened up once we got closer, but it wasn't some huge change.
Well, he would occasionally go on a rant or start a monologue about a thing I have nothing to say about, like one of his hobbies I don't share. But these don't even require my contribution. I would just simply react in some way or say a few words just to show that I'm listening. And that's what he does when I share my thoughts with him. He's just a taciturn person, that's all. We're so different in this regard. I didn't really notice it at the beginning, guess I was just happy to have someone to cuddle with, do some things together. But now I feel like an enormous part of my personality isn't needed or appreciated, it's like it starts to wither (sorry if it sounds too dramatic lol). Talking to friends doesn't help either. I wish it weren't that important to me, it seems kinda silly, but I have to admit I do feel dissatisfied. Is our relationship doomed?

No. 209463

How do I stop being attracted to shitty men? I have a real thing for guys from South Asia/Latin America/the Middle East even though they’re super machismo misogynistic regions and I’m a really cunty feminist. I want to get married some day but I’m not all that attracted to other white guys, but the thought of marrying a LatAm/MESA guy and spending the rest of my life as a broodmare for him and a doormat for his family makes me want to cry.

No. 209465

>left feeling emotionally starved. I feel like how I imagine someone who has been married for 40 years must feel, bored, depressed, growing resentful and irritable.
This isn't just 'mismatched love languages' and asking to cuddle certainly isn't being too forward when you're dating someone. That's nuts.

I had a partner who became much less affectionate over time, not over a long time but only a year into living together. I wouldn't bombard him but I'd ask for cuddles when I absolutely felt the need to be cared for like that. He made me feel like a monster for saying "can we cuddle for a few mins" and he convinced me I was essentially asking him to move the earth and stars for me. That was the beginning of a range of different forms of emotional abuse. It all started with neglect. I kept trying to address the same old issue and eventually we hit the point where he'd argue for an hour rather than hug me for 2 mins. I felt worthless begging for any hint of affection from a man who claims to love me. Guy went on to cheat and I don't even know if the cheating started as early as the pulling away did. I'll never know because someone who denies you simple acts of affection while claiming to love you.. isn't an honest or reasonable partner who'll give you answers or be so considerate. They just don't give when they don't feel like it. And they'll use any excuse. Some men lose their cuddly side as soon as the honeymoon period is over and it's doomed from there on. They expect you to just deal with it because they lack empathy or concern for your feelings. He won't change if you've already tried and it has fallen on deaf ears.

The point that you're at right now isn't a normal happy relationship. You deserve to have a partner who will hold you and not tell you thats too much to ask for. It's one of the most basic parts of a romantic relationship. I would question if he honestly has romantic feelings at this point. But it's a need that you have and that you will always have and he's not fulfilling it. The best option is leaving. As much as you've said you don't want to, the sooner you leave the closer you are to meeting someone who'll want you and act like it.

No. 209466

>Is our relationship doomed?
Yes. I mean, are you seriously calling the inability to have interesting and enjoyable conversations with a partner a “silly thing”? That’s the bare minimum.

No. 209468

Find one who wasn't born or raised there.

No. 209474

>he's been emotionally cheating on you and checked out of the relationship for quite some time.
>and at any rate, clearly he's had contempt towards you for some time to have considered this an option in the first place.

No. 209478

How do you break up with someone you live with? He moved across the country to be with me as well though he is not on the lease. It's also only been a couple months of living together but I just can't do this anymore. The way he treats me during arguments is unacceptable and we already have a dead bedroom basically because of his past consumption of porn use so his dick doesn't really work.

No. 209479

He's not on the lease, so just kick his ass out. If local laws prevent you from doing so, give him whatever notice is required of you. It's going to suck but you need to just rip off the band-aid. If violence is a possibility make sure you have some protection. Moving across the country was a risk his dumb ass decided to take so let him figure it out. It's not your responsibility.

No. 209481

I just hoped that one could treat it as a little deficiency while appreciating everything else that's good, you know? Something like coming to terms with someone's occasional grumpiness or oversensitivity. But yeah, I guess it's different… makes me sad.

No. 209488

>it seems kinda silly
the fuck? no it's not silly at all to want to have stimulating conversations with your partner. shit is doomed, move on.

No. 209494

I don't know what else you could be enjoying about him so much that could replace basic communication. Sex and cuddling, maybe showing thoughtfulness? But those things can be found with many, many people, and at this stage he's basically just a warm body to you. That's not a pleasant situation for anyone. Sorry anon but you have to take people at face value, a quiet guy isn't going to suddenly turn into a charismatic conversationalist. He doesn't even have to be a chatterbox, just capable of continuing a stream of thought when interacting with you, but he's not even managing that.

No. 209519

File: 1634270262982.png (125.42 KB, 800x450, EK-l08_UwAAyjbN.png)

Hello anons … I need to vent for moment. I'm 19, my bf of 2.5 years broke up with me a week ago. We started dating when we were both 17. He was my first love, first boyfriend, took my virginity, basically my first everything. We spent nearly everyday together for those 2.5 years. I feel like i'm missing my other half. I just wanna drink my pain away and cry.
We argued often, but we were also happy and peaceful at times. I know I should think of the bad times and be glad its over, but i can't pretend. I still think about all the happy butterflies hes given me, all the nice things hes done for me, all the love hes shown me.
I wanna be optimistic, I think I'm a pretty girl. Men around me have already been trying to hit on me more knowing that i'm freshly single but I don't want anyone/anything else right now. I miss him so much. Were still friends and I know he still cares about me. I don't know what to do next from here.
Any breakup advice? Did some of you guys also experience a painful breakup from your first love? How did you move on? What helped you feel better?

No. 209520

it will be ok anon. first love breakups are always horrific for a good amount of time. breaking contact helps more than keeping in touch, that just prolongs the hurt. the thing that actually makes the heartbreak go away is literally just time passing. so be patient with yourself, don't rush/rebound, and just know that with every passing week and month you will feel a little bit better until it doesn't bother you anymore. u got this

No. 209521

thanks anon. Trying my best! He's practically my only friend so cutting him completely off is hard… Sucks not having anyone to talk to, I get so lonely. I just wanna be around him and in his life even though it makes me miss him more. ugh…

No. 209523

I have to echo >>209520 anon. Keeping in contact or staying friends isn't a great idea while the breakup is fresh. You need some time to reflect and recover. It doesn't mean you can't be friends someday in the future, and it doesn't mean you should focus on the bad so you can say "good riddance!" But you should try to meet some other friends, spend some time away from him, and focus on being happy independent from him. I'm sure if he is the loving guy you say he is, he will understand that you need some space to heal after this. Time will help as nona said and you'll still be able to look back on those good memories you shared without the pain you're experiencing now.

No. 209560

nonnie, are you me? My bf is just like this, and sorry to tell you, but he's autistic and has adhd. It's definitely to do with that imo. It bothers me so much when I feel I can barely talk to him about anything I'm interested in, he gives such mediocre responses and when he does talk, it's long drawn out monologues about interests I could not care less about, and because he's talking so in depth about something I know so little about, it doesn't stick and all I can do is sit there, smile, nod and let him finish. It's torture sometimes.

I'm thinking about breaking up with him as conversation just feels too important in a relationship, and it definitely hinders communication about more serious topics when you feel you can't even have a conversation about regular, day to day things.

No. 209567

I’m literally in the same exact situation but it was 8 years and we started dating at 16

Don’t have any friends, and the whole situation feels so messy and overwhelming so youre not alone

No. 209603

File: 1634335661655.jpg (129.76 KB, 750x726, EubOPrNUYAA_drS.jpg)

Hi anons, I'm such an idiot for letting my feelings get this far. I need advice. I'm 19 and developed a severe crush on a guy that's 29. We've been friends for a couple years after meeting him through a friend. This year I started slowly developing feelings for him, but like the past couple weeks it's so bad it completely distracts me all day. I'm a little autistic so developing crushes and feelings isn't a normal thing for me at all, to the point I feel like I'm going crazy that it's happening now, especially for someone that's actually 3D. He's pretty much the only real person I've ever gotten it this bad for, where my cheeks get warm and my heart beats faster just thinking about him. If it's not obvious at this point, no, I've never been in a relationship before. Even if he liked me back, I wouldn't know what to do.
The cons: his age, obviously. he's a couple states away. i have zero experience or frame of reference for relationships.
The pros: i always feel safe with him, he's strong and handsome, he inspires me to be better and helps me work towards it, he doesn't drink or do drugs, he's super easy to talk with and i can be myself, and he has similar hobbies and interests, and it seems like the places he wants to go in his life are really similar to mine, (and on and on, it feels like, but I'm probably looking through rose tinted glasses).
I don't even think he thinks or feels the same way about me, but I feel like I'm going crazy. I'm crippled with constant thoughts about hugging and kissing him. I used to think I couldn't get sexually attracted to actual people, but he even changed that too.
I don't think I can ever confess. I'm actually kind of terrified of it. I really like being friends with him anyways and I don't want to weird him out and drive him away. Getting rejected would just be super painful and embarrassing. If he does like me back, what even happens then?? Logistically that's a nightmare. I don't want a LDR and I know he's doesn't want one either. Plus, I don't even know how to be in a relationship in the first place or even be intimate at all.
Sorry for the wall of text. I'm visiting him soon so it's weighing on me. Should I just try to let the crush fade?

No. 209604

A 30 year old man has no business with a teenage girl. Think about it, he has 10 years of adult life experience and you're fresh out of school. You would be putting yourself in an incredibly vulnerable position where you are easily manipulated. It's not bad of you to crush on an older guy but definitely do not pursue a relationship with him. Any guy of that age who is interested in a relationship with a girl your age (even if it's legal) has something seriously wrong with him.

No. 209606

it reminds me of some podcast i listened to about relationships where one girl was super turned off by the other's way of expression enthusiasm. for instance she said she "hates" when her gf jumps on her and tries to playfully initiate sex. you could hear her partner's voice falling when she talked about how it made her feel. like, what a horrible position to be put in. it's not anyone's fault for feeling that way but it definitely means you might not be as compatible as you think you are… which is really hard to hear.

No. 209614

Having a crush is okay, but as the other anon said it really isn't a good idea to get romantically involved with someone who's ten years older than you at your age. Tbh if he made any advances toward you I'd even consider that a red flag. I don't say this to criticize you because when I was your age I felt just as emotionally overwhelmed when I had my first 'actual' crush on someone I knew. Try to remind yourself that the guy you're crushing on is just a person. No matter how much you love someone (or think you love someone), it's not worth sacrificing any of your boundaries. I know it might be hard because of how good it feels to have a crush on someone, but you should listen to your brain and if it's telling you that a relationship with this guy wouldn't work out then I think you should listen to it no matter how much dopamine you get from interacting with this guy.

No. 209630

Thank you so much for this anons, I really needed it. And especially thank you for being understanding. You're both absolutely right though, the age gap is just too major. I'll do my best to not be a slave to the ridiculous chemicals in my brain.

No. 209652

From one autist to another, I'd suggest to focus on your husbandos to forget your crush (that's literally how I lost attraction to a guy kek). If you have such a great connection with the guy just keep him as a friend, it should be okay.

No. 209654

File: 1634378385514.jpg (11.96 KB, 275x234, 1634124306832.jpg)

Posted on the wrong thread… So…. I am currently in a long distance relationship with a stunning, absolute panty-dropper (not only by my standards) but shy and awkward bf (I attracted him by being a massive pick-me slut with issues). Nowadays, whenever we get intimate over the phone (if i'm not in the mood to video call) he asks me to tell him, in detail about the times i used to hook up with random guys (it was a dark period in my life) to get himself off. Despite the fact that this bothered me (I was raised by an overly-religious family) I oblige and tell him everything, even adding more spice details to get him going. What only puzzles me most about this recent development in our relationship is that he didn't use to be this way. He used to completely rage at the mere thought or notion of infidelity. I remember him getting very much upset and crying on the phone about my suggestion of seeing other guys to practice giving head to (College and strict Asian parents gave me less time to be a pick me slut and I only fucked about 3 guys before I met him- My pick me self thought this was still insufficient sex experience). He gave me the cold shoulder for about the whole day and nearly broke up with me. I felt touched (my insecure ass NEVER thought anyone, let alone someone like HIM would care about who I gave my body to) and told him I appreciated his concern. He initiated the reconciliation and I told him I wouldn't bring the idea up again. All things went well until my old hook up hits me up and we have a little, friendly back and forth conveesation. I tell him I've been working out to look good for my current, eye-candy of a bf, and he tells me to send a pic of my body and I do so (tummyabs.png) My bf snaps upon me relaying this news to him and angrily breaks up with me, calling me a slut and everything, despite me arguing that it was only friendly banter. He says he needs a break to think things through. Even though I knew in my heart I did no malice (maybe I just wanted a crumb of validation…) I still BEGGED for him to come back. Fast-forward to now, where he incessantly asks me to tell him about what me and my old hook-up did to get him off during sex, saying things like "how good would it be if I jacked off to a sextape of you sucking him off like a little slut?". Is there something truly suspicious going on in here nonnies? Is he playing reverse psychology mindfuck games to hide the fact that he wants to double down on my so-called "cheating behavior" by "cheating" of his own? Or am I simply blowing things out of proportion? My paranoid self needs advice… Don't have much experience in the dating scene.

No. 209657

this post is a ride kek you are really stupid

No. 209658

All I'm asking is if his behavior is a red flag that might accumulate to cheating… I go to an all girls school and don't know how moids think…

No. 209659

You must be joking? You're the cheater who wanted to suck random cocks for "practice" and sent tummy pictures to an ex.
Now he developed a way to cope with his fucked up relationship.
You should honestly be ashamed, shit like this really breaks a person.

No. 209660

File: 1634381615730.jpg (209.04 KB, 640x480, 1631032115431.jpg)

you are a certified retard, he explicitly let you know how his sense of intimacy is and your ass goes out of her way to to do things that hurt it - and you think a scorned moid will respect your boundaries after that? bitch, an average male barely respects anything to begin with, you really done goofed

he's either playing a reverse psychology trp tier revenge trick on you or developing a serious cuck fetish, both of which you absolutely deserve, dumbass, welcome to hell

No. 209663

You and your bf are a perfect match, both broken humans.

No. 209665

samefag after some other business, but my advice is this:
Confront him about this issue and straight up ask if he's doing this intentionally to make you feel guilty or weird. Apologize for every bit of your disrespect and ignoring his boundaries, and whatever you do, do NOT defend any of your poor choices like you did in your post. None of that 'I meant no harm' bullshit, makes me sick to my stomach hearing a woman stoop down to making shitty excuses like the quintessential cheating porn addict moid. Every time you feel like excusing you pushing his boundary and disrespecting his intimacy, shut the entire fuck up. I'm being this intense about it because you need to get it through your skull. Just say it like it is: it's a you problem, you have an addiction to attention and you let it ruin this relationship and that you're sorry and you now understand how much you've fucked him up emotionally. Accept that he will have to go through an emotional recovery process.
From then on, you two will either work it out or break up. If he shows no signs of letting go of the cuck shit, it's over. You then know you've ruined it all and it's time to move on.

Never do this shit again.

No. 209667

>he explicitly let you know how his sense of intimacy is and your ass goes out of her way to to do things that hurt it

i kinda don't remember him telling me he didn't want me to specifically "cheat"… he's just so reserved and quiet sometimes that i don't know what he thinks… he knows though that I am terribly insecure and always seeking validation (obviously).

But I guess these callouts are slowly making me put things into perspective…

>You should honestly be ashamed, shit like this really breaks a person.

I could say he certainly has developed some trust issues along the way… not that I can blame him for them I guess… after the incident with me and my former hookup he angrily said he wanted nothing to do with me, but I sperged and went full out BPD, did vile shit like slit my wrists, in which he ended up rushing back to my side and forgave me. We made up, but just as I thought I had seen the worst of his temper, little did I know that it would get only more worse from there, as he quit his part time job and started hanging out in a certain porn discord server a lot. On top of that he would get mad and ignore me for maybe 2-3 days, just right after reassuring me the night before he would never leave me again. It just drove me insane and triggered my BPD to get him back.

After one notable fight, he got tired of my self-harm hullabaloo, blocked me from discord, and proceded to chat up this girl and they exchanged nudes (I stalked him on the server he was on…). 2 embarrassing server bans, 2 powerpoint presentations, about 4 alt dms later, I got him back, but still, STILL, this ntr cuck fetish persists… I honestly thought he got it out of his system by talking to that girl but it doesn't seem like it… I honestly don't know what to do…it's just getting bothersome at this point…

No. 209669

>i kinda don't remember him telling me he didn't want me to specifically "cheat"
>He used to completely rage at the mere thought or notion of infidelity.
are you autistic

No. 209673

I know this seems hard to believe but: I didn't want it to come across as cheating… I geniunely just wanted to improve my head game lol. Besides, he already got himself off on a conversation about my past sexual experiences with my ex (he was kinda abusive) before my "suggestion"

No. 209674

File: 1634389077197.jpg (9.22 KB, 228x217, 18033045_1781847658796569_7677…)

>I geniunely just wanted to improve my head game lol
You're either fooling yourself and trying to fool us too (protip: it's not working, sounds disingenous as fuck)
or you're a genuine mentally challenged individual who should be accompanied by a personal assistant at all times.
I do not know how you survive in the real world.

No. 209675

I have apologized to him NUMEROUS times about how I treated him in the past. And he has addressed some of his shitty behavior too. He also cut off porn. Honestly, we seem to be getting on nicely now but when we get intimate it seems the video calls aren't enough of a show for him and he ends up diverting the conversation to nudging me to cuck him.

No. 209676

There’s no way you’re a real person

No. 209677

…so he had cuck tendencies all along, which you neglected to mention, and you're somehow surprised that his fetish is escalating? Damn the more I read about your relationship the more I think that you're both stupid af. Perfect match.

No. 209679

Then just confront him about how this cuck thing makes you uncomfortable and that you suspect that it's getting worse because you hurt him. Also let him know that you suspect that he's escalating it on purpose to make you uncomfortable in revenge. Lay it out that you want to work on this together so you could have a mentally healthy future together.
Got nothing else for you. Help your dumbass selves or break up. I'm grateful I know neither of you weirdoes.

No. 209680

a guy messaged me "why did you get quiet all of sudden"(at 1pm) after i didnt bother to answer his text from yesterday evening(5pm). I did imply i was gonna be busy this weekend. feels kinda agressive to me tbh, especially since we only started talking yesterday after i agreed to give him my number. is it a genuine red flag or am i just looking for a reason to stop talking to him since i got enough attention.

No. 209681

What a ride, kek. Sounds like you broke him and he became a cuck to cope. At least break a guy next time in an actual satisfying way, like making him your slave or something.
He's not even your boyfriend and he's already demanding your time and attention. Stop talking to him.

No. 209683

It's kind of hard judging intention based on one single line of text imo. He could be really demanding but he also just be direct in case you ghosted him to avoid wasting his time. But if you're already done with him anyway, it doesn't really matter does it?

No. 209694

thanks for advice

>But if you're already done with him anyway, it doesn't really matter does it?

eh. im not really that interested or looking for anything rn but since he asked me out first i thought i could get some dating "experience" from him. It sounds more demanding in my language so i guess ill turn him down.

No. 209708

you did get important experience from him: there are a ton of people who go kooky real fast if you leave them on read. at this point i test people by not responding for a couple days once we've been talking for a little bit. if they go all scranky about it, they're yet another attention starved needy person that I don't have time for. If they either don't say anything or just send like a casual hey after a couple days, they're more likely to be a mature person that isn't going to need constant emotional attention from me & has their own life that they're busy with, which is the kind of person I'm looking for.

No. 209726

File: 1634412547633.png (38.97 KB, 984x914, 1605903492216.png)

For years I haven't dated because none of the guys i met lived up to my standards and I refuse to settle. Then this past year I meet a guy who checks off ALL of my boxes and more but I don't check off his, or at least not all of them it seems. My self-esteem has plummeted and I want to know how to get over it/him. For now I've cut contact from him but he wants to remain friends so i'm taking this time to build my confidence and make it impenetrable for when i resume talking to him –if i still want to by then– as i think it's what'll help the most since the root problem seems to be my confidence. What i tell myself is that if he got with me he would be the one settling, and ask myself whether i would ever do that? absolutely not. I guess before I was "fine" with myself because I thought I was good enough for someone like him, but I never stopped to think whether I was content with myself, and only now that i find someone like him and it turns out i'm not enough for them am i realizing i was never really fine with myself. Difficult to put into words exactly. I guess I made myself vulnerable by not working on the things i needed to on myself to feel internal happiness and looking for external happiness despite. I never paid any mind to muh love yourself first and foremost! and damn does that seem to be the most crucial component to this whole love thing. I'm open to advice/suggestions
pic unrelated

No. 209733

My advice is just not to stay friends with the guy. You have feelings for him, you got rejected by him and it hurts.. staying friends after that rarely leads to anything good.

In a way your confidence actually sounds good because you refuse to settle.. his rejection hitting you hard just shows you're human. Rejection rattles everyone. I think the important thing is just moving forward without dwelling on him too much.

No. 209736

Out of curiosity, what didn't you live up to anon?

I would say definitely still avoid remaining friends as much as possible. At least for now while the wound is still fresh. Is there something or people in your life you could completely immerse yourself in for a while? I like getting hooked into a book when I'm going through it but it depends on your hobbies

No. 209738

What boxes did you not tick then, if you don't mind me asking? If it's something stupid like age or the shape of your skeleton, then you know you're gonna get over it pretty soon just by the power of being annoyed.
However, if it's something you thought you had going on (like a skill or an intellectual pursuit or something), we're moving onto a territory that's a bit more difficult, because technically you'd have room to improve if not for him / guy like him, then for your own benefit or enjoyment. Of course you'd take a hit from someone you readily fancy implying you're not enough, anyone would feel shot down no matter how good they are at xyz.

Anyway if it's absolutely not something you can improve in a way that's also meaningful for yourself, don't even stay in contact with the guy. You've already been rejected, it hurts you clearly and it'd seriously suck if you developed a performer mindset where you subconsciously feel like you need to impress him.

No. 209744

>I guess I made myself vulnerable by not working on the things i needed to on myself to feel internal happiness and looking for external happiness despite.
>and damn does that seem to be the most crucial component to this whole love thing.
This is a meme and only applies for people with literally 0 confidence for a scrote to fill the void. Wanting a good partner/relationship is a very normal and healthy desire. You don't have to wait until you feel like you've worked on yourself enough (what the fuck does that even mean, do things because they feel right and they make you happy, not because you need to live to some imaginary standard). Tired of the dumb new age line of thought where you can't care about the ~external~, what nonsense.
>In a way your confidence actually sounds good because you refuse to settle.. his rejection hitting you hard just shows you're human. Rejection rattles everyone.
100 times this. Just because you experience doubt doesn't mean you don't love yourself.

No. 209748

File: 1634415240544.jpg (18.54 KB, 377x377, 4851148.jpg)

thank you so much!, and we were really good friends, my feelings for him just got in the way, I think once i have my emotions under control our friendship will be as meaningful as it was meant to be.
There are a couple of things i'm thinking of, one of them I can't change, which is my race, lol. I'm not going to say how i know exactly that he may be racist, but I found out he's not into racemixing, because of "cultural differences". He sent SO many mixed signals when we first met, like he was struggling with liking me/coming to terms with it. I know i'm going to get a lot of flack from you guys for still liking him after finding that out (trust me i beat myself up over it all the time too), but i truly believe he was radicalized.
The other thing is that i told him when we first started talking and he asked is that i never want to get married. After i got to know him i changed my mind to not wanting to marry until i at least graduate, but he never asked again so didn't tell him.
I'm not happy about where i am in life right now though, not trying to live up to a standard. I'm also not happy with the issues i have which make me really clingy, needy, insecure, and afraid of abandonment.
On the other hand you guys are prob right and i'm simply having a hard time coping with the rejection. I tell myself just like not everyone checks off my boxes, I can't check off everyone's, but it isn't helping. Maybe I should just try a bit longer? It's not like it isn't true, It's more like I can't accept it atm.

No. 209751

Well, it's his loss then, especially if he displayed signs of liking you at first. If he's not making an exception of his standard on you, you probably don't want to be around him anymore now, do you?
The marriage thing you already know yourself; you did a little bit of re-evaluating on your own, and gave up the 'never' stance. Again, you might not want to care about his opinions too much if he's uninterested enough to not return to the topic just to see what you think.

Turning off your feelings like a switch is impossible unless you're a literal psycho. You don't have to be so hard on yourself. You were literally just attracted to a person. This is gonna suck for a little while, but you already know you're good without his help.

No. 209753

he brought it up like two or three more times after the first, but all before i changed my mind about it
The marriage thing I re-evaluated after the last time he had brought it up, asking something along the lines of "well what if he's perfect and meets all your expectations, giving you what you want and need etc?" I hesitated a bit but still replied with "um, yeah no i still would not marry him". Afterwards I thought about it more and realized why i was so afraid of marriage. I feel like I have no control in a marriage, it's hard to explain. Then i thought, what would make me feel more comfortable with marriage? and I realized having a degree and thus a means through which i could earn money on my own/be successful would make me more at ease, since I wouldn't depend on my husband.

>you already know you're good without his help.

thank you for the reminder nonny!

No. 209755

>I wouldn't depend on my husband
were anything to go wrong with the marriage

No. 209764

Sucks to be you I guess

No. 209770

I don't feel heard in my relationship at all. Everytime I say no I don't want to do something he just turns it in to a way to convince me. I don't want to go for a hike or something? Cue him just talking about it and trying to convince me until I end up shouting because he just won't listen. I struggle to confirm something too far in advance either in case I change my mind, because when I do he gets upset at me for getting his hopes up. Sometimes its like I'm talking to myself. Like tonight he's asking to watch a film and I keep saying I'm upset and he's just like fine but I don't want to waste my weekend moping about I'll watch one alone. He spends all his time working so I'm feeling kind of neglected as is and every time I spend time with my friends it makes me realise how depressed and withdrawn I am around him. And then I'll see him excited or passionate about something and I'm drawn in again. He's just such a downer.

No. 209796

He works a lot so you feel neglected but you don't seem to ever want to do anything with him?

No. 209802

Fucking hell love, just sit down and watch the movie and eat some popcorn. What is it you're too upset about and for, exactly? Him not being a mind reader? What do YOU want to do? You know you can suggest activities, too, if you don't like what he proposed.

No. 209804

You complain you feel neglected because he works a lot but when he proposes to do something (hike or watch a movie) you reject nor do you want to plan "too far in advance", huh what? Also it's reasonable he gets upset when you cancel previous made plans.

You come across as unreliable and difficult to make any plans with, no wonder you feel "neglected" when you make it so difficult for yourself and him.

>And then I'll see him excited or passionate about something and I'm drawn in again. He's just such a downer.

You're the downer really.

No. 209810

Echoing the other anons but you really need to look at yourself. He works a lot so you feel lonely, that’s normal. Why aren’t you excited to go do stuff with him when you get the chance? I get not wanting to do certain activities but can you come up with other suggestions. Like I don’t really feel like going for a hike how about we do this instead? As for the movie thing. Anon if somethings upsetting you to the point that you won’t watch a movie with your bf either talk things out or maybe rethink the relationship. If I was your bf I’d get pretty down about your attitude and I can’t say I’d stick around

No. 209812

I told him why i was upset but he wanted to watch a film instead. I've told him things I want to do and have tried to arrange things. I was annoyed because it seems like he keeps trying to push his hobbies that he knows I'm not really in to on me. I didn't want to watch the movie cos I was bothered that I could say I don't want to for so long and his response is just to keep trying to convince me.

No. 209825

> He spends all his time working so I'm feeling kind of neglected
Do you work aswell? Does he work longer hours than you? I've been with someone who worked long hours and had a long drive home after work so when he wanted to watch something at the weekend it was because during the working week he basically had no time in the evenings to get a full film in. It was his only chance. I'm not saying you should sit through hours of films you hate either but ime dreading weekends together when at least one of you should really be dying for the weekend.. is a pretty bad sign.

I feel like life is too short to be ruining each others weekends instead of makng them better. If you can't find a happy compromise for you both then you might just be happier broken up.

No. 209840

ny bf ignored me for days hed rather play games and talk to his friends than talk to me fuck him im never responding to him again. help me anons how do i survive this heartbreak i just cry a lot i feel so weak

No. 209855

kill him

No. 209857

If you had more self respect you wouldn't be upset about this, because you're losing nothing (no one) of value. Please work on that in therapy or by reading up on self confidence, because once you've got that sorted the removal of shitty people from your life will be something to celebrate rather than take personally/feel like it's a reflection of your worth

No. 209863

Tips on manipulating men?

No. 209865

File: 1634504103014.jpg (23.21 KB, 376x391, Waitingfordate.jpg)

It's been over 2 months since my friend asked me out on this so called "date" that we were going to do in September but he said that he's too busy last month. I'm assuming he would do something this month but he's been busy with work and being out with his friends.

I honestly do want to go out for drinks with him but I don't want to do anything with him until we have the date. I have been hinting it to him everytime he talks about meeting up for events and drinks but when I do he's like "will do" or "yeah".

Am I pushing this "date" thing too much on him? Should I stop mentioning it and continue to be busy? I only mentioned it to him 3 times.

He was the one who said that he spent the past 2 years trying to work out how he feels about me and the last few months on deciding on if he should ask me out on a date to his close friends and colleagues.

No. 209868

Just keep yourself busy so you don't have to think about him

No. 209869

If he finally decides he wants to take you on a date after 2 years of contemplating and then doesn't do it for two months even though you're providing opportunity multiple times, you have to wonder if he's really that in to you. Clearly there's no sense of urgency with him. If you're really looking for a partner right now, I say keep meeting and dating other guys. Don't put yourself on hold for a guy who doesn't really seem to want to take you off the market, you know? If he ever comes around and you're still available by then, you could always still decide to go on that date with him.

No. 209873

He's flaky. Either testing you to see how much you like him or he's not as interested as he lets on. A guy WILL make time for a girl if he really wants. And if he's really unable to due to busy schedule, he'll at least reassure you and confirm new dates since he wouldn't want to lose that opportunity. Drop him anon, you're not some fool he can play games with this early on.

No. 209874

Hes fucking other women and dating them. Dont waste your time waiting for a guy

No. 209876

Yeah that’s not a guy you want to waste time on. I know it’s hard when you’ve formed a bond with someone but focus on yourself so little things to make you feel good. Get something new done to your hair, go for a day out with friends even go for a nice road trip. He sounds like a dick, if he couldn’t communicate with you now imagine how it would be years down the line. You’ve dodged a bullet anon. If you need closure tell him that you’re through with him via text. Block his number, any social media’s you name it and move on. Best of luck. I know it’ll hurt but you will be alright I promise there’s someone out there who will love you for you and will make time to talk to you.

No. 209889

File: 1634516604036.jpg (4.12 KB, 100x94, 1633503776456.jpg)

Please help me out…
>broke up with online bf that I was with and lived with for 6 years
>the spark was gone and we felt like friends who had sex (sometimes) and had no common interests
>we had amazing times together but it just kind of ended and I moved back home
>I dream about him constantly feeling guilt
>I have a BF now (online) who works for me and we have the same way of showing love and interests
>my ex still talks to me
>messages me about wanting to fix things and how I'm the only one
>instantly feel regret and depression
I don't know if he was the one for me and I'm going to regret not being with him. He was my first love and my first relationship ever. I got into a relationship right after and I'm also not sure if I didn't give myself time to be alone… I feel like I'm doing everything wrong. We had so many amazing times but most of it was just me being dragged around when I think back on it. I really miss him yet I know we don't fully get along… Everything is so convoluted…

No. 209893

Anon I promise you… the "one" does not exist. It's something that was culturally invented to keep women with one guy only without a better option. I think you can be happy with your new guy. You yourself said his novelty wore off.

No. 209901

File: 1634526169144.jpg (34.3 KB, 550x366, Eif5bb-VoAIbxsj.jpg)

I'm this anon for anyone who remembers. I’m still battling through this, and I think I'm finally seeing the end.
I was doing really bad for the first two days and asked if we could just meet on the weekend to get it over with. He instead suggested I message him what I’d like to say since he’s cooling off. I really went in on him, saying how I think he’s a coward with no self control, and how I don’t have faith in his new relationship.
He didn’t respond for a couple days and just now responded essentially saying he’s made the decision and now can’t go back. He said he changed and didn't discover it until he was away from me, and being with her helped him find that out faster. He also said he wished he went about this better and that this would’ve happened eventually anyways (??)

Now I’m emotionally numb and clueless. He’ll be coming over to collect his things and have a final talk/goodbye to me. I ended up caving and writing about how much he meant to me, and that if he’s confident in his decision then I want him to be happy. Just trying to end things nicely on my part I guess.

He seems emotional about this too but I can’t quite tell. He says he feels bad hurting someone that meant so much to him and that this has been hard on him.

You anons were probably right. I probably fought this harder than I should have and did all the wrong things. He probably now thinks of me as a loser and a pushover and is happy he’s away from me. I wasn’t even like that in our relationship, I always gave him space and was level headed with my emotions. I just got desperate for some kind of positive outcome. I wanted him to see what he’s lost but I don’t think he even cares and I just wasted my time.

I let you guys down.

No. 209912

>the "one" does not exist
this is sanity that a lot of women need to hear

No. 209916

It sounds like you’re feeling emotionally neglected and that the issue here is he doesn’t seem to listen to you or care about your hobbies or actually take any input from you on what you guys do. I’m gonna disagree with the prev anons and say I don’t think you’re entirely the problem here at all, he does sound like kind of a dick. I mean, if you’re having fun with your friends and realizing how sad you are around your boyfriend, clearly there’s a real issue here. I don’t think there’s much advice I can give here though, because honestly if a man won’t even listen to you when you’re trying to plan fun things to do together, I doubt he’s gonna be any better when you’re asking him to start listening to you, and it sounds like you’ve already tried plenty. It also sounds like you’ve adjusted your behavior a lot for him, trying not to plan ahead in case something comes up because you know he’ll throw a fit, but from how you’ve described his reactions, he doesn’t seem to particularly care about what makes you upset. I know this probably isn’t what you want to here, but I think you guys just aren’t happy together and you should probably dump him.

No. 209917

Serious breakups like this are hard and can bring out emotions and reactions you don't expect. Don't be too hard on yourself, anon.

The important thing is that you were strong enough to go through this this breakup now instead of dragging out a dying relationship for another year like a lot of other women, unfortunately, would. I've done this myself because I was afraid of hurting the other person and it was just miserable for both of us.

Whether he thinks you're a loser or not doesn't matter; you're your own person getting a new start and you don't need to bog yourself down on the "what ifs" of a person that isn't going to be in your life anymore.

It's better to cut the cord now and, while it'll be miserable for a period, you'll be so happy you did and will have a great fresh start.

No. 209933

my bf got upset (not at me) and he cried and the only thing i could think of to say was "i'm sorry" and "please don't cry". i feel like a fucking scumbag, failure of a woman, and that i did a horrible job of comforting him and finding literally anything good to say (even though he says i did help). what do i do?

No. 209937

It's okay anon, we're not all perfect at emotional reassurance. Often it's enough to just be there, hug him, say you'll support him however you can and that you love him. Next time just leave out the "don't cry" as that can feel invalidating. It's okay and often necessary for people to feel angry, sad or any other difficult emotion so they can work through it rather than repressing it and feeling worse in the long run.

No. 209943

Thats what I thought, even though I'm busy I told him months ago that if someone asked me out on a date I'd either make time around my schedule or book some time off for it. I tend to be the ones who make plans for things so I thought it was nice that he would plan it but yeah I dont think I'm much of a priority.

To be honest I feel like most of the guys I met up with/ I'm interested in just want to fuck me or have some sorts of friends with benefits, a lot of them are time wasters.

So yeah I'm just gonna keep myself busy and meet up/go on dates if someone invites me out, like the date I have tomorrow.

No. 209948

Enjoy your date!

No. 209969

Nonas, help me out.

I went out on a date with this guy from an app 2 weeks ago and we just had wine at a bar, we talked and went along fine except he sexaulized my job at one point (porn reference) and I ignored it. He wanted a kiss before we parted ways and I just gave him a peck on the cheek. During the date he was very touchy feely, like he wanted to compare hand size and arm size which I don't mind, but I kept my cool, just had 1 glass of wine while he had 2.

Fast forward, he asked for a second date scheduled 2 days later, I told him that was my birthday weekend so no. Then I didn't hear from him again for 4 days (he did wish me happy early birthday during our 1st date).

4 days later he wanted to schedule the 2nd date (this was midweek and he wanted to meet up htat weekened) I told him I'm busy and that we can meet next week during the week. We scheduled a date.

Then I didn't hear from him at ALL. Like no text that read "hope you had a nice weekend" or something like "Hi, how are you!"

So I have the date in 2 days and I'm not feeling this guy becasue he comes across as iffy, he never texts me asking if i'm ok or anything. I texted him today something like "hey, hope you had a nice weekend, I haven't heard from you at all…." and he replied that he was "busy". Busy for what? Sending a "how are you" text takes 2 seconds. I responded with cancelling the date because I wasn't feeling him. Did I do the right thing?

By the way, this guy is way below my league, he's not even that attractive, but he has money and elite education.

No. 209985

I think you already know this isn’t going to end well. Fuck him and fuck the date. You don’t owe this guy shit. He doesn’t seem super keen on you, like you said it takes two minutes to send a text to ask how your weekend was. If he makes no effort now it’ll get worse. Plenty of dudes out there who won’t fuck you about.

No. 209990

Of course you did the right thing, you cut a guy off that didn't sit right with you so now you won't have to waste time, energy and money on him. Now you can move on to the next guy (hopefully a better one)

No. 209995

When guys only ever make contact to arrange meet ups and then in between dates they just fall off the face of the earth.. I tend to assume they're doing the bare minmum to try and hopefully get that 3rd date sex session. That's just where my mind goes.

No. 209999

This seems so unnatural. Why would he wanna go out again if he doesn’t even care how you’re doing or how your birthday was? I think >>209995 is right. Being so touchy on the first date is a huge turn off anyway.

No. 210003

>he sexaulized my job at one point (porn reference)
Kek men out themselves as pornsick so readily. It's repulsive yet at least they make it really easy to drop their sorry asses. You dodged a bullet.

No. 210006

Update. I removed and blocked his number but I forgot to delete him from the app and he wrote a long messages about how he didn't message me between dates because "women don't like needy men", that I hurt his feelings and that I should explain what he did wrong. It's funny how the messages rain in when you cut them off. Before, his messages were brief and to the point. No emotion. I just unmatched him lmao. The messages are in a different language so I wont post here.
This. I know he just wanted sex, I felt it during the first date.
Yup, thanks for the re affirming my gut feeling.
It was cringe as fuck. I just looked at him like wtf. He is a massive coomer.
Right? It was weird as fuck.

No. 210012

>"women don't like needy men"
Kek probably learnt that from one of his incel forums. I'm laughing imagining him thinking he's giving you a Mr. Cool-guy impression only to open his phone and see that you erased his existence from you life

No. 210015

I don't think sending you a handful of messages to wish you a nice day (or a nice bday) across a 2 week period would be anywhere near being needy, not by anyones standards so that doesn't add up.

It's more likely that he's picking up shitty tips about how ignoring women will mess with their confidence and get him laid quicker. I love seeing it backfire.

No. 210017

Redpillers do it to themselves. I have my own stories, as well as previously lurked forums where they'd blogpost rage at women for not wanting to fuck them and after detailing their sadly hilarious dates and text exchanges I'd be so surprised they really don't see how autistic they come across. One guy got a girl who was "almost perfect but I of course wouldn't let her ever suspect that" and then got extra jaded because she didn't want to fuck someone until she felt comfortable and in a relationship. It was really perplexing seeing the same type of men who harp on about whores get so flustered over women who have boundaries and standards. You'd think they'd like that.

No. 210033

Lmao you’re reminding me, I dated a guy sort of like that. He was impressed by my low number and said it was rare, yet expected me to hop into bed with him on the 2nd date. He proceeded to tell me “you know, most men think that a girl isn’t really interested if you don’t have sex by the 3rd date” after asking how long it’s gonna take in an annoyed manner.

He was VERY pushy about sex and tbh I’m lucky I wasn’t SA’d looking back. He was rude to his mother and very dismissive of everything I liked, so all around he was a piece of shit. Fuck moids like that, they’re the bottom of the barrel.

No. 210085

File: 1634644305378.jpg (20.32 KB, 496x356, EkgF3ShXgAAMLpv.jpg)

My boyfriend left me last week. He bought an engagement ring a couple months ago and he was going to propose this month. We talked about the proposal a few days prior to the breakup. We were going to move in together next month with my daughter from a previous relationship. It was my own fault, I took our relationship for granted and criticized him constantly for "not loving me enough" when really I just didn't love myself. I've got myself in therapy to work on my self esteem now, but holy shit I just want my partner back. He cried, said he didn't want to do this, and that he'll always love me. I've gone no contact, do you guys think he'll come back? I know I should be trying to move on but I just can't bring myself to do it. My whole future was taken away so quickly.

No. 210087

You’re not telling us enough the story kek

No. 210091

I don't know the extent of how bad it was but when I was younger I was dumped for being a depressed, insecure ball of misery to live with. I thought that if I just got straight into therapy and worked on myself that it'd be reversible. He was telling me it was totally over and yet I clung to that idea. I get it now. The damage was already done and he deserves a fresh start with someone where there isn't a load of built up resentment to work through. If there was any chance of fixing it he would've just sat me down and given me an ultimatim.. but he didn't. He said he was done and he was done. I think you should respect that a break up is often just final. Refusing to accept that or respect it would only make the ex think he dodged an even bigger bullet.

No. 210099

It sounds like he put up with a lot. I would say that it's best to let it be. You really need to turn inward. Therapy is great, and can be a good catalyst for you diving into the core wounds that are causing the thoughts and behavior in question. He wanted to marry you, but in the end he chose to leave rather than give you an ultimatum or another chance. To me that screams "I have had enough, you said you'd change and you aren't." It is a very painful but useful reality check. Take this opportunity to learn to fulfill yourself & become a better Woman. Lick your wounds for a little bit and keep it moving. Good luck.

No. 210112

Anon we can't guess or theorize if he may come back with the little information you've provided.

You should probably focus on yourself, your therapy and creating a stable future for you and your daughter. Pining after your ex and hoping he'll come back won't do that.

No. 210135


He never gave me any kind of an ultimatum or sat me down for a serious talk about how it was affecting him. He even asked my sister if she would babysit some night soon so he could propose.

It started with me telling him over text that I didn't feel loved and I needed more from him (yes I completely realize my mistakes, he was already going above and beyond for me). He said didn't want to talk over text and that he would see me in a few days after work. Mostly silence from him the whole time, he had never gone silent on me before. I messaged him after a couple days and said that I wanted to fix things and he said that he did too, but he still wanted to talk in person instead.

After 3 days of silence he came over and broke up with me. He was crying, telling me that he'll always love me and that he didn't want to do this. He said that he did want to fix things when he said it, but that he had changed his mind that day.

I asked him why he couldn't give me a chance now that I knew the seriousness of his feelings and he said he just couldn't. I suspect that it's because it would be a lot messier if he wanted out after we lived together.

I messaged him a couple days later and said "I regret how I responded, this needed to happen. I wish you the best." he said "I'm sorry, none of this was what I wanted. I will love you always and wish you the best too"

So we haven't talked since. I definitely won't reach out to him but, yeah.

No. 210138

There has to be more to it, perhaps one-sided unbeknownst to you, because breaking off a near-engagement over just that text seems extreme.

No. 210140


He said that he was feeling depressed, and like he could never make me happy. And he said that because he loved me, he’d always keep trying to make me happy but he felt like it would never be enough.

No. 210141

he's either going to kill himself, is cheating on you, or is a master manipulator and will pull this shit every time you want him to act better.

No. 210142

I don’t think any of those are accurate at all. He genuinely tried to hard to make me happy and I kept shifting the goal post and I was never satisfied, like I was a bottomless pit of need. It was not his fault. I’m certain he never cheated, and it’s definitely not suicide.

No. 210145

I doubt it was your fault, many moids crumble when their gfs have any expectations of them at all.

No. 210146

I can assure you, it was not his fault.

No. 210164

hey farmers, i'm a 26 year old woman and my problem is that i'm not able to get into a relationship. i get attention from men, because i'm objectively pretty, but they always lose interest in me after awhile. i'm talking about weeks, so everytime i've liked a guy, he was interested in me aswell at first, but then something happens and they say it's not my fault, but they don't want a relationship with me. it happened so often, that i'm losing hope. i wonder if i'm unlovable as a person and if i should just give up and ignore it when a guy is interested in me. i'm somewhat socially awkward, but i know lots of women who still get boyfriends despite being a bit weird. i honestly almost start to cry if i think about it. it feels like god decided i'm not meant to be happy. at this point i consider myself a femcel. my standards aren't high, i'm speaking of average to below average men who just don't want to commit. i'm wondering if spending my life on my own would be a better idea than to keep dating men who don't want me anyways. is there anyone who can relate?

No. 210174


I'm sorry anon but this just doesn't sound right. Are you sure he was actually planning on proposing?

I understand confidence issues driving a wrench in relationships, my own partner has made vocal about how my doubts can sometimes put him in a negative mindset too, but his response isn't to go no contact for 72 hours straight. We have a real conversation and he asks me what I need from him to feel more secure and loved, and he is always checking in on me.

Neediness doesn't suddenly spring up overnight, and unless the ring was a hand me down, engagement rings aren't purchased on a whim, so it isn't like he was thinking of the proposal without realizing your negative qualities.

Marriage is a big deal, by proposing to someone you're agreeing to be by their side forever, in sickness, in bad times. If an instance of you feeling insecure and unloved causes him to do something so drastic, how is he going to shoulder the responsibilities of marriage?

No. 210179

I can relate. It's not your fault, the vast majority of men are looking for a good time and when they see you're not easy they ghost. Which is actually not a bad thing, trash taking itself out. Holding a relationship as a carrot on a stick while getting sexual satisfaction from you is the goal of most men especially in online dating and they will have strategies to jump ship if it doesn't go their way. But don't let it start you on the path to self loathing. We just have to wade through shit and hope we find someone legitimate. If not, whatever. Just don't settle and sleep with these guys in the hopes of sudden commitment one day.

Don't think of yourself as someone who can't get a relationship. You're worthy, they just can't handle that type of responsibility sadly. However that self pity will just grow and grow until you're stuck and your personality will reflect that misery, making things harder.

As for being alone, it beats being stuck with a loser below your league who thinks he settled for you and refuses to make you happy. The type of guy who whines about valentines day. Some women have it real bad and even have a kid with guys like this. Just lurk subreddit like relationshipadvice, and you will quickly learn to enjoy your own peace.

No. 210186

Without reading any replies yet it sounds like he wasn't really going to propose and or has some mental issues of his own to deal with. Like how do you go from proposal to leaving someone within the same week.
Someone else might be in his ear or he's getting bad advice from someone, but veering between extremes like this is a bad sign whatever the reason. It doesn't sound like it was your fault at all.

No. 210191

Agree. To me it sounds like he may have thought proposing might solve the issues in anon's relationship and make her feel loved, without really thinking through whether he wanted to be married. It kinda sounds like a mess and I don't think anon should blame herself and be grateful she didn't end up marrying this guy who could flip flop that quickly over wanting to stay with her. Sometimes you really like someone but they just can't provide what you're looking for in a relationship, and no one is necessarily at fault, it's just that you aren't a good match. If you're feeling unloved or neglected then your partner isn't meeting your needs, not necessarily through fault of their own, and you shouldn't feel bad for being open about your feelings even if you feel you may have been too needy. Plus there's no sense beating yourself up about it now that it's over. Take it as an opportunity to reflect on what it is you really want and need from your partner.

No. 210211

Are you kinda guarded/keep your feelings to yourself anon? I had a similar problem but I didn't really want it to get serious with anyone so I kept alot to myself. When people see you aren't putting yourself out there like they are they back out

Sometimes you could really want to get to know the person but are too scared of being hurt to open up. So maybe they start telling you about themselves but you are vague w your life story (maybe out of fear of scaring someone away if you don't want to bring up "baggage").

I've seen girls of all types of personalities get bfs/gfs I don't think anything is wrong with you. It may just seem like your not interested if u don't open up. It will be ok anon and maybe also you could just be meeting duds idk. Maybe you aren't setting standards high enough or theyre too high for the guys you meet so they leave. I'm not sure. Sorry I'm kind of autistically guessing I'm stoned lol but ya nothing is wrong with you. I didn't have a real bf till I was 22 lol. Also awkward but preferred girls so it turned alot of guys off. There's somebody for everybody anon don't beat urself up

No. 210238

anons I think I have to leave my bf. I posted earlier itt >>209426 about feeling emotionally starved and we had a long phone call last night about it where I finally got it out of him that he doesn't want to move in with me anymore even though it was his idea. I feel like it would save me a lot more stress and pain if we broke up, but I am a HUGE BPD-chan and breaking up with someone I really love feels like it would send me into a spiral of shit mental health because I hate being alone. How do I stay true to my needs without making a rash decision and giving myself even more pain?

No. 210243


I'm sure he was going to propose. He bought the ring in August, he got me to pick it out and I saw the box. I don't even think he can return it now and it was $2500. This is definitely a "me" issue, I've had this problem in all my relationships. He put up with a LOT from me and I think if he gave me an ultimatum and it didn't work out he would have a harder time leaving down the line (we'd be engaged and living together with my daughter). I think he just wanted to make a clean break before we became even more entangled than we already were. How do I even begin to heal? I guess I'm hoping that once I'm moved into the new apartment by myself the pressure will be off and he'll reach out but if he's coming back I want him to come back to a healed version of me so we can have a good, healthy relationship this time.

No. 210244

I think leaving him would be best, especially if he's not really taking care of your needs and you're already considering breaking up. But if you don't want to be rash, I would say think it over for a week or two and weigh out what would be best for you emotionally. Your original post really showed he's not willing to make any changes for you (at least not consistent ones) and the fact that, even after you communicated this problem, he still hasn't made any adjustments and even decided to put more distance between you two is really bad. You don't deserve to put yourself through more of this pain because of your fears of being alone. Do you have any friends or family you could lean on for support? Break ups are very hard regardless, so you might want to plan some non-harmful coping stuff you can do and spend some time trying to work through the pain.

No. 210245

What makes you think he'll wait for you and not move on to another woman in the meantime? Sure there's a chance but I honestly think you're going to end up hurting yourself even further by hoping or even assuming you'll get back together once you're "better".

No. 210280


He said that he still loves me, will always love me, and he won't be moving on any time soon. Who knows though I guess.

No. 210283

Someone who loves you doesn't break up with you. He was just flowering you with pretty words so either you don't feel as bad.

No. 210285

If he’s not willing to work with you to help you with your mental illness, he’s not worth anything.

No. 210293

She's right, anon. And clinging to this is only going to make this harder for you. If he truly loved you he wouldn't have left just because times were tough. It's not like you committed some act of horror. You were insecure, hurting, maybe lashing out sure. That's no reason to leave someone you love. What if you got cold feet on your wedding day? What if you got pregnant and became extremely needy and emotional? Face it, he wouldn't be there for you. He'd chimp out because he was "depressed because he couldn't make you happy." You're not always going to be happy, and your partner isn't always going to be able to make it better. He should still be there for you. He's not going to be there for you. It's hard and it's not going to happen overnight, but you need to let go, not hold on to hope that he's going to come back once you're magically cured of insecurities and emotional outbursts. It's going to happen again and you want someone who will weather the storm, not abandon ship.

No. 210294


Not sure if I agree anons. It sounds like this guy needed to set a firm boundary for himself when he realized enough is enough. Not giving her a chance to change was cold but maybe he really just couldn't hold on any longer or he didn't want to get her kid too involved if he wasn't sure it would work. I know I've broken up with people I was still in love with because it wasn't working, sometimes it's best for both parties. Doesn't mean the love isn't there.

No. 210296

Come on, anon. Be realistic. Did you get back with those people? How often does that happen and things actually work out?

No. 210297


No, I didn't. But I've had two boyfriends in the past who I had to break up with because their baggage was too much to handle and I was becoming a mental mess myself. If they had gone to therapy and sorted through their shit I would've considered giving them another chance, but neither of them did unfortunately.

No. 210301

That's the thing, anon. Baggage doesn't just go away. You can learn to cope with it but you're still going to have bad days, weeks, months. You could've should've would've given them a chance, and when they slipped up? You're setting anon up for prolonged hurt. I'm not saying you did something wrong but you weren't a good partner for those guys and anon's ex isn't a good partner for her.

No. 210302


It wasn't the fact that they had baggage, it was how they handled it. Neither dealt with their problems in a healthy way, they would shut down, blame, criticize, argue, and nag. I had to be the bandaid for every sore spot in their life. What they needed was to develop more mature coping mechanisms and less codependency. Only then the relationship could have worked. No sane person wants to be in a relationship with someone who never developed the emotional intelligence required for adult relationships.

No. 210305

Again, cutting someone out of your life and never speaking to them again isn't "love." Maybe you were attracted to them, maybe you liked the fun and happy times, but that has absolutely nothing to do with love. It's completely ok if you want to leave because you can't handle their problems, but to say you ever loved them or still do is just a pretty thing to say to make yourself and them feel better.

No. 210306

Of course no one wants to deal with that, but no one is going back to a partner if they think of them that way either. And let's assume they do get back. Say anon has a really week and doesn't handle it well - yes that happens even if you've been in therapy and can usually cope in a healthy way - it'll remind her ex of why he left, and he'll leave her again. It'll be even more painful the second time around. She shouldn't subject herself to that. She needs someone who can stick with her through the bad times. Again didn't say the guy or you did something bad by leaving. Maybe you cared about them. But it's not really love if you can drop someone for being difficult. It definitely takes an emotional toll on the other person and they shouldn't force themselves through it if they don't want to stay. But that emotional threshold has already been reached. The right partner would be there. He's not. It's over.

No. 210309

Not sure if that's what happened here, but in general I agree.

Nta but why are we talking about going back? Anon who said she didn't agree didn't say anything about that.

No. 210322

Try reading the whole conversation next time. I'll recap for you.
>Anon's ex breaks up with her because she's too needy, feels unloved even though she doesn't think he did anything wrong
>Anon wants to fix herself so her ex will come back
>Ex claims he still loves her and won't move on/date anyone else any time soon
>Anons tell her to move on because it's all fluff, he broke up with her because he can't tough out with her through her struggles, it's just not meant to be
>Anon disagrees because she loved people she's broken up with 2 men she would totally have gotten back if they had only changed for her and never fell back into their bad coping mechanisms

No. 210325

I have feelings for a friend of mine, we dated years ago but we were young and it didn't work out but after that all died down we became good friends. they've recently started seeing someone and seems so excited about her, I'm so happy for them but can't help but feel jealous because I definitely have repressed feelings. I don't want to be selfish. is there any way I can be supportive without having to distance myself from the friend in question? I cherish their presence in my life

No. 210329

> I want him to come back to a healed version of me
I think you'll know that you're making improvements when you let go of him, that is imo step one of your healing.

It's very early days right now so your current thoughts are to be expected. I think we've all been there right after a break up but you're entertaining thoughts that will only stop you from healing if you don't push past them. Be single, stick with your therapy and do it solely for you, and even your daughter. Think of how forced or on and off again relationships certainly don't have good effects on children who have to witness it.

No. 210372

I'm dating this guy for 2 month now. And start to develop feelings. And it all feels really special when we are together and we have fun and he said we really have a connection. He lives in another city and so we see eachother just one the weekends. When we are not together I get anxious that he doesn't like me and the feeling comes that I should let him go because I'm a mess and he deserves better. I always do that and push people away so they are free of the burden that is me. I'm starting therapy soon and told him I will get help because I don't want to make my problems his. How to handle the anxiety when I'm not with him? I don't want to ask him all the time if he likes me or misses me and I also don't want to escalate and tell him to fuck off.

No. 210376

I used to get very anxious like this anon and it was painful I really wasn’t enjoying my time away from my bf. The advice I can offer you is spend time with friends and family and do some fun activities. Pick up a new hobby. Think of your life as a big cake your boyfriend should be a slice of that not the whole cake albeit he can still be a pretty big slice! He’s a part of your world that should enhance your life even when you’re not with him. It takes time but you need to learn to enjoy your time away from him with other people. Hope the helps and make sense with the whole cake analogy!! Good luck anon you can do it!

No. 210378

Thank you this helps me big times! Glad you got over it and I wish you a lovely and enjoyable time.

No. 210382

Thank you anon! Best of luck to you, remember to be kind to yourself too!

No. 210476

File: 1634882560160.jpeg (57.11 KB, 1200x628, squid-game-1.jpeg)

I was the lower option for a guy. Told me she was out of his league, and now that it seems like he has a shot at her, it seems like he's left me in the dust. Completely. Free world, but it doesn't mean that I don't feel like shit, cause I do knowing that I was a side piece. A backup. No rage at all to her– just me for having false hope when there were so many issues out there in the open all because he was a little nice. Because I was physically attracted to him.
I'm fucking done.
I'm not a second option. I can and will do better. Friends is inevitable, but I won't play his games. I cannot.
Fuck this shit I have to hang out with him again soon with the girl first on his plate. I don't have any animosity towards her – just him. I think he knows that I'm sick of his shit tonight. I just couldn't fucking take it tonight in particular. How do I deal with this in the smoothest way possible? Ignore him if he tries to be physical again? Not really reach out altogether?

No. 210477

Forgot to add that he's occasionally flirty in texts before this and very touchy in person (think side hugging, hand on shoulder, hand holding) when we were ALONE. With the whole side chick gang though? Haha. Hahaha.

No. 210478

>feel like a failure of a women because you're not good at comforting people.


No. 210508

File: 1634911150112.jpeg (296.36 KB, 1024x682, gettyimages-614042900-1024x102…)

I've met a guy who's very sweet, empathetic, respectful, calm, down to earth, chill to be around and has a great sense of humor. Basically, I just really like his personality and we get along so well… but… he's ugly. It's nothing in particular like his hair or style or eyes, he's not unhygienic either… It's his whole face, it's unfortunately just not appealing to me in the slightest.

Has anyone here ever dated someone you weren't physically attracted to? How did that go?

I've already told him that I am not looking for a relationship, but I really like him as a person. I'm not REALLY reconsidering it, but, I don't know, I guess I just want to find out if I'm shooting myself in the foot by being shallow. (I also know that he deserves to be with someone who finds him attractive.)

What do you anons think? I would like to hear some opinions about dating someone you would consider unattractive physically.

No. 210523

I think it's important to keep in mind that men usually do not age well, so ultimately it's more important to love who they are vs their appearance.

No. 210525

Being with an ugly man gets old really fast. Don't get memed into the "caring about looks is shallow" meme. Physical attraction is important.

No. 210536

Do you really like him? I think most people start being physically attracted to someone if they really like their personality and they have chemistry. Seems like you don't, which is normal. Sometimes there are people with all the good qualities when it comes to personality but there's no chemistry and that's it

No. 210539

I don't know, man. What if he would ask me "do you think I'm hot/good-looking?" one day, would I have to lie to him or hurt his feelings by telling him the truth? I just think that he's a stand-up guy and really sweet and funny and that's pretty rare, but it's not like I think he's just a bit meh, I literally think he has an ugly face. I wish I didn't, and I hate myself for even writing that out, but I do.

Maybe, maybe.

I mean, we haven't really hung out one on one yet, we've only met with our mutual friends around. We got along very well (and have made out drunk at one point) but not in the "it just clicked instantly and I knew he was the one" kind of way. I don't really know how well you're supposed to get along with a person for it to be considered "having chemistry". (I know that sounds autistic but I swear I'm not.)

I also just got out of a relationship half a year ago so I don't really want a relationship rn, unless it's an instant connection. I'm just wondering if I'm doing the right thing or being shallow, since I have some type of warm feelings for him.

No. 210540

You gotta build that confidence

No. 210549

Samefag, but like, we're texting and he's so damn into me and I kinda get some butterflies talking to him because he's just so nice to talk to but, first of all I'm not even ready for a relationship and second of all, I still don't think he's physically attractive. Dunno what to do.

No. 210555

In the same situation right now and he still manages to give me butterflies so I say go for it but don't try to force attraction or anything, it should come naturally

No. 210559

> I'm a capable scientist. I've won multiple awards, publish lots etc. I've even worked with a Nobel prize winner.

pls give tips to a third world university student

No. 210560

If there's no physical attraction your bedroom is gonna suck.

No. 210578

I don't think he's good-looking but I'm sexually attracted to him, if that makes sense. But I think he's too into me to be fwb.

No. 210584

Can someone good at insults shit up an incel tier manifesto to send to a guy? He's an autistic trad larper esoteric pagan varg fan, possibly a nazi and has a body count of 40, seems like a coomer too. Is only 26 and balding. We met on a dating app, he seems attracted to me because I'm an inexperienced autist virgin. I want it to be devastating, should include something about him being a dead inside innately morally deficient degenerate, pair bonding and never finding love etc. Whatever stings the most

No. 210586

Going out of your way to berate him is lame tbh, less insulting more telling him he lives in your head rent free. Men want your emotional energy even when it's negative, don't give it to him.

Telling him something innocuous like how you only see him as a friend or don't feel a spark is probably gonna hurt him more, incels know that's code for 'you're a beta and I want chad' but it also doesn't come across as you caring too much about him.

No. 210587

I've done that already and he didn't like that, I want to piss him off as a goodbye, maybe make him rope

No. 210588


Agree. Not worth your energy.

No. 210591

Seriously anon, you're too invested in this guy. He's already won by making you care, it sounds like you're hung up on him even if you claim to dislike him.

Ghost him for your own sake.

No. 210595

you're such a fucking sperg

No. 210639

Asking for a friend, how trusting can you be, if a guy tells you he doesn't need sex in a relationship (she actively does not want it)?

No. 210648

Unless he identifies as ~asexual~ or has sexual trauma that has led him to completely abstain, I'd be highly highly sceptical. Very, very few men, if any, with a healthy sexuality would be willing to be sexless in a relationship (or they''ll go get it somewhere else).

No. 210666

Happened to me, the asshole claimed to be asexual and I was young and trusting. Turns out he was cheating both emotionally and physically the whole time and using me to do emotional labor and housework. I still have trust issues years later.

No. 210675

My first relationship was like this, we did some stuff but I didn't want PIV and he was cool about that. We mostly did oral and I often checked in to make sure it was still enough for him. He always said yes. 4 years in I came to find out he was sleeping with someone on the side.

No. 210676

How do I cope with living with a boyfriend I'm repulsed by but whom I can't leave right now? He's not abusive or anything I guess I'm just an ungrateful brat and think he's pathetic. He wants to know why I'm in such a bad mood and whether he did anything wrong (he didn't, he's just being his repulsive pushover self) and I'm finding it increasingly hard not to explode on him.

No. 210681

Just leave it

No. 210684

I have been in your shoes. Tell him - don't explode on him, but tell him what bothers you. Practice in advance how you're going to tell him, so he doesn't think it's just a momentary thing (which he will if you explode on him). Find a way to express your feelings, and do it.
You can't "cope" with it, if you don't respect him, then you don't respect him and it sucks being in such a relationship. But respect his feelings and your time together and yourself enough that you try to explain to him, calmly, what bothers you. That way, when you leave him, it won't be out of the blue, which he doesn't quite deserve if he is a good guy, and you will feel guilty if you don't at least try to say something, I guarantee that.

No. 210685

Are you truly stuck there or have you family to stay with?

If you're saying you're repulsed by him then that sounds like it'll lead to some serious resentment in no time.. he's not abusive which is good but shit tends to still hit the fan when you're living with resentment. Do both of you a favour and give yourself a kick to go find somewhere else.

No. 210711

Is is a red flag that the guy I just had a date with smelled like he didn't do his laundry? He smelled like really musty old clothes that have been sitting in a pile for a year. Not BO, but that weird old clothes smell.

He's cute otherwise but seems kinda retarded and the smell was intense

No. 210712

Maybe he put on a really disgusting perfume? Did his teeth look a bit yellow? Clean shaven? Clean/short fingernails? These sorts of things give you a small indication if a moid grooms or not

No. 210717

What the fuck, of course it's a red flag. Soon you people will be asking "is it a red flag if a man doesn't wipe or brush his teeth?" Have some goddamn self-respect.

No. 210723

I obviously don't like it, I just don't know if it's serious enough to not give him another date. It's hard to expect much from men. Maybe I should let him know why I'm put off and block him.

No. 210728

Yeah definitely tell him he odor is repulsive before you block him

No. 210745

File: 1635047748161.jpg (16.15 KB, 360x352, IMG_20190203_114652.jpg)

I have never ever ever had a boyfriend… How do I even get one these days? I have graduated and only have 1 close friend + family. I have thought about asking my parents for advice but one side of me tells me that I should never do that and they'd think Im pathetic for it.

Im not fat but not vuloptuous either. Not pretty but not ugly either I don't think. Im just plain in every regard if I am being brutally honest. I always thought some day a guy would introduce himself to me but it hasn't happened yet and Im almost 20

No. 210749

>Im almost 20
jesus christ, with the way you were typing I thought you are in your early thirties. not having a boyfriend at your age is completely normal and you don't have to rush into it if you don't want to. make some friends honestly and sometimes that works out where they introduce you to someone they know.

No. 210753

Expand your social circle, make new friends. Most people meet their partners through social events (if they're not on a dating app). You naturally meet or get introduced to guys that way.

No. 210768

I don't find my bf attractive because he's fat, sloppy, and lazy.

I'm trying my best not to be superficial because he's the best boyfriend I've had in terms of how sweet he is, how well we get along, etc. He spoils me. Only says positive things. He's a great communicator. He's helpful. He doesn't let us fight.

But then I'll sit across from him and watch him shove enough food for 3 people in his face and 30 minutes later he's asking to take a nap then demanding I cuddle him through it. It's starting to disgust me. I think it's showing that I'm disgusted too because I keep rejecting his advances, and I can see it hurts his feelings.

I wish I could just turn off the part of my brain that is grossed out. I keep trying so hard because seriously he's one of the nicest men I've ever met. I badly want it to work out.

Do I just have an honest conversation with him? I'm active, I eat healthy, I take care of my body- and I want a partner who does the same.

No. 210772

>Do I just have an honest conversation with him? I'm active, I eat healthy, I take care of my body- and I want a partner who does the same.
Yes. Let him know that you're all that and you expect it back.

Was he fit when you started dating and did he let himself go or was he always fat and lazy?

No. 210773

No, we met during quarantine, so we were primarily talking on the phone or voice chat.

I didn't think it would be such a big deal, and it really wasn't at first. We still had sexual chemistry and stuff. It's just with time it has started to bother me more.

No. 210778

being nice with your damn partner should be considered the bare minimum, nonnie. The bar is so low physical attraction is not even required anymore? Listen to your body and don't force yoursefl only because you feel guilty pls. I don't think you can change that aspect of him with any conversation. I'd also suggest you avoid telling him brutally cause he was like that before and it's not his fault if you changed your mind. just tell him there's no more chemistry and leave, you've not been together for too long don't waste more time (his and yours)

No. 210781

Yea nonny if he was fat already when you met you kinda knew what you were getting into. If he's never expressed a desire to get in shape, then talking to him likely won't change that. Just break up and don't date anymore fatties. Neither of you seem at fault here but sometimes after the honeymoon phase you realize you're just not right for each other. You'll find a nice man who isn't fat and he'll find someone who likes fatties.

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