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/g/ - girl talk

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No. 283075

No. 283139

My one and only advice: stop being a fucking loser and take action where action is needed.

No. 283140

After this I dont think we need anymore posts on this thread kek

No. 283143

I didn't wanna post here because I think it's nothing and dumb but no one had an answer in OT and today my boyfriend seemed offended(?) I said abductions aren't as common here, and joked he would abduct me so I don't know if I should be worried

No. 283144

only other pieces of advice the posters in this thread need:

if he cared, he would show it
online relationships aren't real relationships
don't date ugly people because "maybe their personality will help me ignore it"
don't date people with mental health issues/baggage

these together solve every issue posted in these threads

No. 283145

What? Why would you be worried?

No. 283147

not the op but maybe because it's a real fucking threat to women and it's shitty to joke about it???

No. 283151

I’m tired right now so I’m kinda retarded, I didn’t understand what she meant since she worded it improperly. She made it sound like SHE WAS THE ONE joking about abductions because she didn’t put a “he” before “joked”. Either way this is probably just a stupid joke? I don’t think it’s worth being worried about, unless there are other red flags.

No. 283158

and don't cling to any of these fucking losers just because he left you and you are suffering from post-breakup psychosis
there, we three solved every problem that will ever come up in this thread
t. non-intellectually-challenged bitch

No. 283315

Does anyone feel they're dumber than before they started dating their SO?

I feel like the longer I am with mine, the dumber/slower I get. It's not because he's dumb, he's very smart, so it's not that. I keep finding myself avoiding having to think or read, when before I loved doing that. I don't bring up things to debate about either, which I found fun and stimulating before. I'm scared this is gonna make him less attracted to me and obviously because I don't wanna get dumb. I feel like I'm different from when we first started dating and that it's mainly cognitively

No. 283325

What does he do that makes you think he would leave if you acted more intelligent? Massive red flag. If he can’t handle you bring ever somewhat smart you need to dump him.

No. 283328

Anon above is correct. Wtf nonnie

No. 283329

Are you sure it's not being caused by another factor? Stress? Repetitive work? Anxiety?

No. 283330

Yeah, that's actually question number one.

No. 283332

What? By “this” I meant the whole getting dumber thing…
phew, I guess it’s not just me

Now that you mention it, maybe stress + repetitiveness. I started working again this year so could be I hadn’t noticed I get like this due to work before because wasn’t in a relationship so didn’t feel inclined to put effort into interactions. I should do something about it to see if it helps. Thanks

No. 283334

Ah okay, I misread your post and thought you meant acting intelligent is what would scare your boyfriend off, not the other way around.

No. 283337

i want to be nicer to my boyfriend but I can’t. affection in general turns me off and i cringe at the thought of doing anything nice with him even though i like it in concept . what can I do?

No. 283339

Do nice things for him anyways and work through the cringe. Sometimes exposure therapy is the best way.

No. 283343

i will try my best. thanks

No. 283376

Am I the only one who can't see this thread in the catalog at all?

No. 283446

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If a guy doesn't completely write-off astrology it's safe to say he at least wants to fuck you, right?

No. 283448

ya probs

No. 283532

I miss you. It wasn't meant to make you feel that way. I hate the loop of your silence. I miss you so much.

No. 283533

No. 283572

elaborate. not only it will it be nice milk for me but also helpful to you or something probably

No. 283576

The problem may well be that neither of us ever elaborates anything to one another. I'm not starting with you.

No. 283714

Well in that case then it sounds like you both deserve it lol

No. 283765

My advice: Scrotes will always be scrotes. Kek

No. 283773

after leaving a genuinely abusive relationship where i was hit on multiple occasions by a man 5 years older than me and verbally abused on a daily, as i look to go back into dating im facing two options
my ex, who i was with for a year is interested in me again. the reason we broke up is because he was very emotionally unavailable and unaffectionate and it made us drift, as im not looking for someone who doesn't initiate any form of intimacy, sexual or not with me, hes saying hes changed but i can only see small improvements. he says he cant last through the day without talking to me and im what keeps him going, so i feel fucking awful for not knowing if i still like him or not, he knows im not looking for anything right now. hes from a wealthy family and is going into IT so we'll be very well off if we start a life together. however i recently met someone through mutual friends and ive never clicked with someone more than this, we can talk for hours endlessly and never get bored. hes very sweet, and although he knows i dont want anything he says he'd wait for me, hes from a less well off family and doesn't believe in college however. i guess what im grappling with here is do i sacrifice what is guaranteed to be a well off future for someone id financially struggle with, but enjoy the company and attention of much more? im also worried that this is just a honeymoon phase and the mask of being perfect for me will slip, and he'll be evil underneath much like my last ex was. he mentioned having an extremely physically abusive long term relationship before so he relates to me on a much better level than the first boy too
i dont know what to do, neither of them deserve to be led on so i dont plan on doing it as neither of them are bad guys and deserve someone who makes them happy, i just want to make what i feel like is the best decision

No. 283783

I miss you too

No. 283799

It goes beyond the silence. We actually communicate minimally almost every day, and yet things are still so stuck. Why won't you open yourself? I have.

No. 283800

Maybe you need to come see me? Maybe I feel guilty and stuck.

No. 283817

You say you are facing two options but there are a ton of dudes out there, it's not like you're being forced to lock something in now or be single for the rest of your life. You said you're not really looking for anything right now anyways so I'm not sure why you are arbitrarily pressuring yourself to make a decision between these two guys. Either way., don't get with someone you've already broken up with for being emotionally unavailable that you don't even like just because you want to be with someone well off. If that is a requirement for you then I'm sure you can find someone who is not only well off but that you actually click with too.

No. 283829

Second guy or neither. There's a reason you broke up with number 1 despite him being "well off". Money can't buy love or happiness.

No. 283835

You never want to see me.

No. 283854

My gosh it wasn't funny the first time, it's not funny now. Drop it
Go see a shrink asap

No. 283911

799 is just roleplaying to humor me (unless it's actually her…), I'm describing a real situation in my weird way.

No. 283957

Sorry, it was >>283800 >>283783 who was kindly reaching out to me with the answerbacks. >>283799 was me too. I'm a little retarded today because I did go to the shrink and got some heavy duty sedative meds.

No. 283961

Please don't call me a controlling prude. I know and Idgaf.

Something's really bothering me. My boyfriend mentioned this show he watches with his dad a few months ago, and for whatever reason only a few days ago i decided to look at what kind of scenes it has. The following is what I found out:

>As the show progresses, the sexual content becomes increasingly graphic and so does the nudity.

>Multiple scenes of a male who lusts over a female because she produces breast milk.
>There is some type of sexual content in every episode. This ranges from sexual dialogue to sex scenes to an episode that fully shows porn.
>The show features numerous scenes of graphic sexual content. This includes 2 scenes of porn, multiple sex scenes, a few instances of graphic male and female nudity.
>One of them shows multiple shots of them in different positions while fighting. He then lasers her breasts and she enjoys it.
>A girl with a sexual outfit gets Cunnilingus performed on her by sitting on a mans face. She starts thrusting on it and when she climaxes she gets agitated and knives come out of her skin slicing a mans face open. She realizes this later but his brains are already all over the floor. Very graphic.
>Two men attempt to rape a woman but are stopped
>S2: a tv shows a naked woman with her bare buttocks close up
>Multiple sex jokes/references.
>At a party a man has sex with a doll as everyone else watches.
>Man has sex with a woman and he gets turned on when he sees an octopus behind the woman.
>S3: Frequent
>Man gets a blowjob from an octopus
>Male genitalia graphically shown. No female genitalia.
>Characters shown either partially and fully naked and engaging in a massive orgy, with just about every sexual act one could probably think of being depicted in extremely graphic detail.
>Season 3 includes a orgy sequence through almost an entire episode. Although it's explicit, it's purely comical and comedic.
>In one season, someone is watching porn. Nothing is shown, but it's implied and you hear some moaning.

I feel fucking enraged that he's watching this shit in the first place, and even more grossed and weirded out at the fact that he's watching this crap with his DAD. WTF?????? I know he has told me before he would like to bond more with his dad and he tries whenever he can, this is the atrocity they're bonding over?! I have so many questions, like whose idea this was (maybe it was his dad's and he's just putting up with it bc "family time", but that just makes me think he's a pathetic bitch because he can just not watch it), and at what time they watch it, and how is it not awkward, and if his mom doesn't know if he thinks it's right? I wanna slap him several times first though

Am I overreacting? what would you do in this situation? I'm really trying to give him the benefit of the doubt here, but I just can't. edited some typos

No. 283963

You shut up you negative bitch. It’s fine and still minimal.

No. 283964

what in the goddamn fucking show is this….??
naw you aren't a controlling bitch this shit is fucked up. i cant tell you what to do about it because what works for my moid doesn't work for all. i would express my disgust and shame him, make him feel disgusting, and then dump him. couldnt even look at a man who watches that shit in the eye tbh much less fuck him.

No. 283966

"The Boys"

I'm laughing so hard now, the first time I looked it up I just went to google images and thought, oh just some superhero show, the women are not too skimpy. No biggie.

Yeah right

No. 283969

Both of you are fucking neurotic.

No. 283971

Silence Hillary

No. 283977

you sound like a 1950s mom

No. 283978

Some of this shit sounds genuinely fucked up and beyond typical tv show sex scenes, idg why anons are shitting on you for it. Especially since many anons (understandably) dislike shows like GoT and Euphoria for the same reasons.

No. 283982

Am I overreacting?

I blew up at my fiance today because of his…commentary. It was a small thing in the grand scheme of things but it happens so often and has gone on so long that it just makes me SO mad. Little things adding up and all that.

Anyway. So I was making us dinner. I had some water with milk simmering on the stove for a dish while I turned to cut some veggies. It started to minorly boil over while my back was turned and he alerted me to it. I got to it immediately and popped the heat down and stirred it. The way he said it though…and how it always goes when I'm cooking…"Babe. Babe. BABE. (I've already turned the heat down by this point and am handling it.) It's boiled over. Are you gonna clean that up later?" In his stupid fucking annoyed judgemental voice. And I. Lost it. Turned the heat off, cleaned it up, told him to cook if he wanted dinner with some colorful language. Keep in mind, I cook nightly and clean up the kitchen nightly including dishes while he sits and drinks his drink. I am work from home so he takes this to mean I should do most of the housework and I kind of just accept this because he does construction and is too tired to clean house anyway, regardless of how offensive the insinuation that my skilled labor job is easy is. I sweep the floors, clean the kitchen, pick up discarded clothes from the floor, make us dinner, all the little stuff. I wouldn't mind if it weren't for the commentary. I began folding my half of the laundry yesterday while he was in the bathroom ("pooping" playing on his phone for 20 minutes) and setting his aside because he folds his the way he likes (I used to fold his but now refuse to because he complained about how I do it) and he got annoyed when he came out that I jumbled it all up. Huh? It comes out of a tumble dryer already jumbled. If anything I sorted it for him but apparently it's annoying. Later last night he got annoyed because of the steam coming off the grill from last night's dinner and he didn't want it to make the house smell like food. He found a small portion of one of my toenails a few days ago and held it up to my face like "ohhhhh look what I found!" because it bothers him that I clip my toenails on the floor even though I sweep daily and vacuum and pick up the nails after I clip them (I place them on a paper towel as I go). He clips his toenails in the bathroom sink and insists my way is the dirty way and showed this to me as proof because I missed ONE in 2 years of living together because it got stuck in a corner somehow. My leg can't even reach the bathroom sink…but somehow grooming myself the way I always have is still annoying and dirty. I clean up his trash and discarded clothes. I clean up after myself. I'm tired of the heckling and commentary. This has been going on the entire 2 years we have lived together and it's building up a rage in me and I'm sick of it.

Am I being overdramatic?

No. 283984

>I am work from home so he takes this to mean I should do most of the housework and I kind of just accept this because he does construction and is too tired to clean house anyway, regardless of how offensive the insinuation that my skilled labor job is easy is.
women continuing to work full time while taking on most, if not all, household burden, and thanklessly too, is depressing. also the problem with your guy seems to be that he's generally acting malicious. Maybe not evil but in bad faith if you get what i mean. if you look at each individual interaction alone he can easily paint you as the overreactive bad guy, don't fall for it. he seems to be the type of asshole who naturally gravitates to doing the least amount of work without realizing, while belittling what you do. you'll never win because you're for the household and he's only for himself. two years in, not married, and you're taking on a wife role, and what do you even get out of it? if you get married, that commentary and YOUR, and only your, household workload is just gonna get worse.

women keep getting conned in relationships

No. 283987

Obv when you describe these scenes with no other context it sounds weird but you're making it out to be some bizarre niche depraved show all about sex when you're talking about one of the most popular shows streaming right now. Literally number 2 behind Stranger Things. None of these scenes are played as being sexy, it's an over the top comedic parody of capeshit that is super excessive in not only nudity but gore, cursing, etc. Some scenes would probably be uncomfortable to watch with your parents but I've absolutely talked about the show with my family before so I don't think it's as atrocious and fucked up as you're making it sound?

No. 283988

He sounds like an annoying faggot not gonna lie… maybe it's time to consider if hes really your best option

No. 283992

Honestly…you're right, and I know you're right. I just needed to hear it. He does paint me out to be overreacting and says I'm acting like a bitch sometimes. Sometimes I even believe him because I'm definitely the one that "starts" fights by taking issue with the things he says–but in the moment I'm just defending myself while I'm being heckled while working my ass off. I've just gotten off work, I'm tired too, and I'm standing in the kitchen with an aching back chopping vegetables while he drinks beer and asks if I'm gonna clean up because he's "concerned it'll stain the glass cooktop" as if I've ever left a mess there. He knows I haven't. He heckles anyway and brushes it off like he was "just asking" and "just concerned." If he was really CONCERNED, he'd see the annoyed look on MY face about the mess and say "sorry babe, that sucks, want me to watch it while you do that?" But no.

Thank you Nonnie.

No. 283995

np nonner. i hope you leave and end up with someone who, even if there are issues, is provably a team player with you and who is beneficial to your lifeyes including financially cause even housekeepers get paid, no use working full time AND muling at home also
>Sometimes I even believe him because I'm definitely the one that "starts" fights by taking issue with the things he says–but in the moment I'm just defending myself while I'm being heckled while working my ass off.
ok be wary of this cause men love doing this mindfuck "you're overreacting babe i just liddurly made a single comment wtf" dont fall for it. the fight maybe starts when you call it out, but the problematic behavior starts way before, when he continuously, repeatedly makes snide or unnecessary comments that, intentionally or not, devalue your work around the house, add more tasks for you to do and/or allow him to skip his tasks and relinquish his responsibilities to you. that said, there is no way the fights would ever go in your favour, if he was gonna take the role of a fair partner he would have, and through discussion, not only when you finally lash out because you're at the end of the rope. the only purpose of a fight is for you to be the bad guy.

No. 284000

Wow…that was actually so enlightening to read. I knew he does this but couldn't put words to what he was doing before. He says I love to fight sometimes because I bring up issues. The fight wouldn't happen though if the behavior stopped the first, second or even fifth time I asked nicely though. So it makes me feel like I'm fucking crazy or secretly the toxic one in the relationship and maybe he's right because technically I DID start the fight. But am I not allowed to defend myself from this heckling? Am I allowed to follow him to work and point out mistakes and ask if he's going to fix them then say he's trying to fight with me if he says it's annoying? Of course not. That would be absurd. But he observes my work around the house and needles me about it every day and I'm supposed to shut up about it.

No. 284032

Hmmm, okay I'm listening. It only mentions one episode in one season as being "comedic" which makes the rest sound like soft-core to full-on porn. You're also saying some scenes are uncomfortable to view with your parents which directly contradicts the whole "it's just for the lols!" thing. Besides if it's a comedic parody of capeshit, why put in nudity? like, Marvel and Dc don't do this, so it seems unnecessary and like there's a different motivator behind the scenes. At most it's implied. Then again, it's been a long time since I've consumed any of that shit.

I guess I feel a little better knowing another woman watches it, but at the same time not because of the questions above. Like do they seriously have to coomerfy everything, including what sounds like would have otherwise been a good show? fucking stupid. Bestiality, exhibitionism, objectification, cumbrainery, consumption of exploitative material, mascochism, and non-monogamy don't sound funny to me either.

No. 284041

No you're not overreacting, I hope you're not dating my ex though because that's word for word what he used to do to me. He does it because he can and because it works, and he won't change no matter how upset you get. I advise you to dump him.

No. 284044

Lol, my fiance is a fastidious Asian guy and I've had to learn how to deal with this exact behavior for 6 years now. Unfortunately for him I'm Mexican so I just bully him in response and make fun of him for being so pressed and it ends up making him laugh and forget that he was mad. That or I smile at him and say "I'm worth it though" when I do genuinely make a mistake or a mess. Idk if this works for every guy, but I used to be a teacher and this is how I diffused kids when they got bitchy lol

I don't think you're being dramatic–I don't take this behavior from my fiance and I do way less chores than you. It's really demeaning and makes you feel stupid when someone tells you how to do things, especially when you haven't even done something wrong yet.

No. 284046

You both work so I don't think the household chores are being fairly shared for a start. I know you said his comments are the only real issue but.. hes taking you for granted which is likely playing a role in why he feels quite so comfortable adding insult to injury and breathing down your neck while you cook and clean for the both of you. Even without the comments you're describing alot of disrespect being shown towards you in his actions too.

No. 284047

I think I might be at my breaking point with my husband. We've known each other since we were kids and have been together for 11 years now, we have an almost 2 year old together. I'm almost positive he has BPD, he thinks he might too, but he refuses to get any help. No meds, no therapy, not even self-help stuff.

Before our kid was born he was mostly a great partner. I dealt with his anger issues the best I could because it was never directed at me… He was just angry about something and I'd listen to him rant. Even back then I tried to get him to get some help but he wouldn't. He doesn't feel like it's unreasonable to get angry over things like pop culture. Like he will work himself up into a rage about how bad Marvel movies are and how everyone who likes them is a retard and then that leads to a rant about Hollywood and on and on. He sees red when this happens and there's no getting him out of it until it's out of his system.

Now though he snaps on me. About shit he's made up in his head that he THINKS I'm thinking. It's not every day but it's a few times a week. He's just fucking mean to me when he gets into that kind of mood. It makes me feel so small and I just clam up and wait until he's finished. Usually by the end of it he's crying and apologizing. Idk it's like he loses himself for a few minutes in anger and then when he realizes what he's done he feels horrible.

He also makes everything fucking complicated for no reason. Yesterday we planned to go grab a coffee, go to the craft store, take our kid to the park, and then order dinner when we got home. Easy peasy Saturday afternoon. Except he fucking bitches about every aspect of it like "why are we going to the craft store if we have no purpose to go?" First of all, we're going because YOU suggested it! Second, who cares if we don't have a specific reason to go? We can look at the Halloween decorations and maybe find an activity to do as a family. Our kid will have a blast walking around the store looking at all the colours. Plus complaining about getting coffee ("well it's later than I thought it would be so this is pointless now") and the park ("we should have ordered dinner first and then come") and then just ordering dinner was a fucking shitshow because he was like mad at himself for wanting fast food? So he made a big deal out of how we shouldn't order at all.

Anyways. This morning was the same thing. We planned to take our kid to the forest for a walk where he could explore some nature. My husband suggested a different location and I asked "can we let the kid out of the stroller there?" and he fucking lost it. I was just sitting there stunned like wtf did I do? He just went off. It became clear he was mad because he assumed I was thinking this was a bad place to go, he also ripped into me for not being outdoorsy (I fuckin tried to organize a walk in the woods!) and how I can't handle shit like bugs and the heat. Eventually I started crying and told him I didn't want to be around him anymore and that I would take our kid for a walk by myself. He said "well now I feel like an asshole" (his most commonly used expression) and I said okay, you two go for a walk then.

So he did. It took 45 minutes for him to get ready while I watched the kid and packed the bag. He said "I'm glad you're getting some time to yourself" meanwhile they'll be back in less than an hour. They always are.

I'm sorry anons, I know this is a wall of text. I'm not ready to talk to a friend about this. I don't even care if anyone has advice, I just needed somewhere to say this. The thought of leaving scares me because I genuinely do love my husband, half the time he's great, plus I really don't want to have to deal with custody issues. But idk if I'm willing to put up with this shit anymore when he refuses to get help. I don't want our kid growing up with a dad like this.

No. 284050

He needs to get counseling, and stop throwing tantrums over trivial stuff, or you guys break up. No excuses. He needs to be a calm and collected man to be able to take care of a child, and be a good husband to you. If he isn’t actively taking steps to change, and willing to see how this affects you and what he’s doing wrong, then he’s most likely not going to change, or will potentially get worse. And you don’t want it to get worse, that will negatively impact both you and your child. Please try figuring this out as soon as possible so you can avoid his anger getting completely uncontrollable.

No. 284057

Ask him what he would do if you left. Whos gonna clean for him and cook? If his answer is anything like "me, duh." Or "its not like you do that much/everything." Leave him. He is taking you for granted and you deserve better. Im not trying to tear apart marriages but he sounds like he wants you to do everything and you will end up miserable and in turn make him miserable…

No. 284061


Not to sound dramatic, but you're in an abusive relationship. Is this what you want your child to be raised in? Do you want your child to listen to endless verbal abuse, day in, day out? What happens when your child becomes old enough to have a personality of their own?

What will happen when your child learns to say "No"? Can you imagine the shitstorm that's going to erupt then?

You need to think about what's best for your child. This is a fucked up situation and you need to get them out of it. It might be worth issuing an ultimatum to your husband- "get help or never see your child again"- but honestly, I'd take steps to have your husband removed from you and your child's life permanently.

No. 284064

I have 2 friends who've been in similar situations to this. Both split during covid tbh. They'd been with a guy since their teens, they waited nearly a decade before having a kid together… a good pace. The kid is barely a year old before you realise he's let his once 'mild' anger issues go rogue and its suddenly being targetted at you in a way he would've never done earlier on in the relationship or pre child. TBh I'm at the point where seeing this play out I do think there a level of self awareness involved on the mans part. Because a man who stays semi-controlled for that many years and when the kid comes along he regresses instead of becoming better.. he knows that kid and that fear of splitting up and co-parenting is holding you hostage with him. He is using that fact against you. They get the shock of their life when women remove themselves (and their kids) from this harmful environment. Which you should do.

You're a mom first and you shouldn't have to battle a full grown untreated bpd acting man in front of your kid at such an important developmental stage. This a son.. they mimic these dynamics later in life. I don't see a win in sight if you resort to begging him to seek help for his mystery disorder. You're describing a very common pattern of abuse that emerges after you have a kid with someone. That's not a disorder. Its a choice some men make.

No. 284074

I wanted to respond to you and tell you I’m sorry. You deserve better and you’re in a shit situation you don’t deserve. I have a lot of exp with a couple diagnosed men with bpd. One being a close relative I grew up with and another being someone I have a close relationship with now and have for several years, so maybe this will help. I think you should leave. He needs help, real help. You’re not his mother, his therapist, or caretaker. You’re his wife and he’s your partner. And he? He’s not capable of being a partner right now. He’s hurting you and he’s hurting your child. When he yells at you, when he blows up at you your child sees that, that’s scary. That baby loves you both and loves you the most probably. Dad is loud and aggressive and its scary. It’s also not the same things setting him off yeah? It sounds random, anything? It makes you anxious tense, waiting for the next shoe to drop. What’s going to set him off this time? What did I do wrong? Except you didn’t, you’re walking on egg shells because he can’t manage and cope with his emotions like a healthy adult and communicate. He throws a tantrum and expects you to take it like he’s a child and your his mummy, only you don’t have the power to stop him or punish him and it’s not your job. Your your baby’s mom.
If you do decide to leave and he has bpd I’d prepare for an onslaught of stupid fuckery. Get ahead of it, build a support net, set aside money in a private account, get a therapist just you see (a female you vibe with if you can), maybe join a support group there’s some online even for spouses married to people with bpd (it helps to get out and talk to other people and ground back in the real world where his reactions are fucking outrageous after being up in the air with them for so long).
And if you love him? I’d still leave. The one I’m close to now, I had to leave, it among a couple other things collapsing finally pushed him into at least getting help and he’s not angry anymore and he tries a lot more. Now he’ll apologize and attempt to communicate, he’s willing to work through DBT, but it’s only because he’s realized if he doesn’t stop being an absolute asshole no one cares if he’s in pain, he’ll chase everyone away and end up alone. You can’t make them learn that, people have to hit that on their own.
But keep in mind even if he gets help and starts getting better it will not magically fix him. He will still get triggered, he will still want to default to unhealthy or abusive behaviors at times and you will have to be strong enough to enforce boundaries again and again and again and it will tire you. Not trying to doom pill you, I’m sorry anon, your post struck a cord with me.

No. 284082

he sounds like me and like the anon above said, the best thing you can do is leave

No. 284105

…Does his name start with an R?

No. 284115

Well, congratulations, that's the weirdest way I've ever seen anyone venting about their problems on lc.

No. 284140

Your husband baby-trapped you.

No. 284166

Yeah it's definitely all supposed to be comedic. It's made by Seth Rogan if that gives any insight. So definitely not everyone's cup of tea but if you don't mind over the top humor it's a pretty good show that's supposed to be a reflection of what superheroes would be like if they actually existed (Aka narcissistic assholes). The main villain is pretty much a reference to Trump. When I say some scenes might be uncomfortable to view with your parents I just mean at least for me any kind of sex or nudity, even if it's comedic, can be a little awkward to watch with family. I think your points about coomerfy-ing everything is fair though, like I said it's definitely not everyone's cup of tea. But I don't think your bf watching it should be worrying to you.

No. 284250

>made by Seth Rogan
nta but that explains a lot, everything that man touches turns to shit

No. 284257

Dating construction workers… Nonas, have some standards, can’t imagine dating literally the dumbest and socially lowest tier of man. No wonder he acts like he does, he’s probably dumb as rocks but has a huge ego because he works out kek

No. 284261

They earn shitloads where I’m from, there are some perks to shagging knuckledraggers if you can bear to lower yourself, nonny.

No. 284270

That's the case here aswell, they earn a lot because there's a shortage of people who know how to do shit with their hands (this only happens in male-dominated fields ofc, you don't see women in female-dominated like nurses and teachers earn more despite the shortages there but that's another discussion). But you make a fair point about them usually not being the brightest. They're often among the most sexist and conservative too.

You're not overreacting and you could start fixing the unfair balance in your household by demanding he picks up his fair share of work around the house. It'll be tougher for him to unreasonably complain when he's doing a good chunk of the work.

Reminder: Your work is work just as much as his is. Sacrificing a significantly larger amount of your time to chores compared to him just because his job is more physically taxing is not fair. Your job is 40 hours (or whatever) of labour just like his. Typical example of women still being expected to carry the majority of the workload around the house despite working ± equal hours to their male partners.

No. 284276


. A grown man watching a weird ass TV show shouldn't stress you like this. I'd side eye him for watching it, especially with his dad, but honestly it's not like you caught him watching straight up porn

No. 284284

Agreed. She’s been way too neurotic. I also have a lot of problems with The Boys in terms of writing but watching it doesn’t automatically make someone a massive degenerate.

No. 284286

The show gets off on being as extreme as it can be. It’s a parody basically mocking American ideals and heroes. Amazon had to tell them no to a few things that then they said yes to like the main hero mastrubating over the city. I wouldn’t say it’s a red flag unless it along things like if he watched The Hills have Eyes, American Horror Story, maybe even Game of thrones, Jackass are also red flags. The show isn’t one I know if I’ll watch the newest season of I think the vulgarity goes to far imo but if the other shows and movies with graphic content don’t bother you. I’d relax.

No. 284287

My bf did something that hurt me a lot today and I am very upset. The bigger issue tho is that my cat is being put down tomorrow and I will need his support to deal with the grief. I have no friends so I really only have him to be there for me. Now I feel enormous pressure to "get over" Our argument so I can have him comfort me but it is very hard because I am so hurt. It's just the worst timing, what do I do?

No. 284289

I'm sorry you're going through such a tough time, anon. You shouldn't force yourself to try and be ok with something you're still hurting from, but is it an active argument where he doesn't seem sorry about what he did or is he sincerely sorry but you still need to take the time to recover? If it's still an active disagreement, you could put a pin in it and discuss it later. Also, would he still comfort you despite your argument or do you feel you have to forgive him in order for him to comfort you? He should really be there for you at a time like this regardless of any argument you've been having.

No. 284291

He hasn't apologized to me, he usually doesn't ever say "I'm sorry" sometimes he buys me flowers instead of saying it, I think he has too big of an ego to ever admit he messed up and hurt me. It would help me a lot if he learned to apologize to me but I don't think he will. Usually I just take my time away from him until I feel less upset. My issue is that when I am upset with him I can't stand to be around him because it just makes me more upset and makes me cry a lot. Especially cause he never seems to be bothered by me being upset he just keeps going with his day and I can hear him laugh at funny videos and stuff while I am in the other room crying. Idk it's very difficult to resolve things with him because he always makes me feel like it's my problem that I am hurt and I am just overreacting and need to get over it.

No. 284293

add euphoria too

No. 284295

What sort of relationship does he have with his father that he watches graphic animal abuse themed TV porn together with him? That’s fucking disgusting. Major rapist fraternity or incest vibes.

No. 284296

>I wouldn’t say it’s a red flag unless it along things like if he watched The Hills have Eyes, American Horror Story, maybe even Game of thrones, Jackass are also red flags.
Why are these redflags?

No. 284297

Your boyfriend sounds like an asshole

No. 284299

No. 284302

Honestly I have never met a man who wasn't like this, so I am just kind of used to it and accept it since I don't want to be alone. I don't want to spend 5 million years looking for that one unicorn moid who knows how to say sorry and is also genuinely remorseful for his actions, if they even exist. I just see it as part of the sacrifice you make when chosing to date a man. They will always find ways to hurt you and then blame you for it.

No. 284307

Please just go single, you won't lose your dignity, and lower your self-worth if you're alone.

No. 284314

They may not be to everyone but they contain graphic content. The hills have eyes have a rape scene I know makes me uncomfortable if a dude was super into that movie it would make me drop him tbh.
American horror story is just soft porn and comes off trashy. Probably not my kind of dude if he’s really into it either.

No. 284319

No. Don't make up some sort of weirdo "part of sacrifice" explanation to it because it's utter bullshit. Learn some dignity and assertiveness instead of being a complete sad flaccid dick.

No. 284326

>Learn some dignity and assertiveness

No. 284328

Easy to say, if you ask a man to treat you with dignity that doesn't mean he will. Men are always offended when you tell them they hurt your feelings.

No. 284329

This weekend I was looking through my boyfriends phone because I was looking originally trying to find the phone number of our friend who just broke up with their partner and I stumbled up his private safari and found he was searching up disgusting pornified bimbos and he had a hidden folder saved of onlyfan whores for his disgusting coomer shit. I was full of rage and threw the phone at his face, he has completely broken our trust and wants me to forgive him but I feel like he will probably continue his disgusting porn sick addiction. Should I grow a spin and dump him or work things out? I'm still completely devastated, he showed remorse and I have been doing random spot checks on his phone…god I feel like an idiot cause I'm on here to make fun of people like him and he turns out be one of them.

No. 284337

I know it’s cliche advice but grow a spine and dump. You deserve better and don’t let anyone tell you that all men are into that shit, there are absolutely men out there who aren’t. And frankly once trust like that is broken it’s not coming back.

No. 284338

Also samefagging to say he’ll just find better ways to hide it. You can check all you want, pornsick moids always find new and creative ways to go behind your back.

No. 284339

Adding a contingency; even if someone doesn't feel as if they deserve better it doesn't change the fact that being alone is often the more rational and emotionally healthier choice.
Saying this cuz I've seen people remain in bad situations with the excuse that they can't get better. It's wild how much people will get used to bad things.
And yeah, this. I've seen women do years of emotional labor and even pay for therapy for a man only for him to keep lying, keep spending massive bucks on online teens, etc. There's a point where it just becomes cucked to stick around. Sorry to use an incel word.

No. 284343

No. 284349

You smell like balls

No. 284350

nonnie you need to listen to me so you can look back and laugh about it in a year. Leave him, but first hook up with a cute guy and if you're on BC let him cum in you, before you have one last breakup fuck with your bf. He'll be touching another man's cum.

No. 284360

Go fuck yourself and choke on your own balls. It’s not her fault he’s a porn addict, men are responsible for their own behavior.
This is dumb, just break up and move on

No. 284366

scrote poster slit your wrists

No. 284370

This honestly makes me think of my situation.

How likely is it that my scrote still watches porn? I have checked his shit since and it seems to check out. I have sex with him every day if not multiple times a day. I just feel like I have no idea. He isn't alone at home really, but this Saturday he will be home alone. Shit like that triggers me and he knows it, and he is very apologetic and sad for how he broke my trust. I feel paranoid because I have been getting so good with my BPD shit. I haven't freaked in a while and I want it to continue that way. But porn is definitely a topic that would make me lose my shit, hence why I haven't randomly searched all his shit recently. I'm just not sure of what to think.

No. 284373

I never went through my husbands things and stories like this really make me paranoid as hell, like maybe I should have checked before we gotten married? We also have sex every day so I was never worried that he is watching porn on the side, he knows I would leave him if I found out. It just sucks how many men do this shit.

No. 284374

I'm the anon you responded to. Luckily, I'm not married to mine yet. I've been with him for 3 years. It's weird because initially I didn't care, then eventually I did. He was willing. But it still hurt me a lot because he lied once. It really fucked with me. If I find evidence again, I will put my foot down. I don't want to deal with this if we are married.

No. 284389

We need to use cuckqueen and such more often for the pick-me's to get it tbh, I approve

No. 284396

Does looking up "what to talk about with your boyfriend" and other things in a similar "rekindling" vein mean you should probably break up? asked in ot but it's better i post the discussion here I guess


I feel like he's not trying to engage with me anymore, he would rather go hang out with his friends or watch youtube or read or etc. Meanwhile I realized recently I've only been trauma-dumping, everything I bring up is negative, even I get sick of hearing myself talk but I can't stop.

I can't tell if he's an asshole or not for seemingly reacting this way. On one hand, I've reacted worse in the past to people trauma-dumping (completely cut off) because I felt overwhelmed and not equipped to help. On the other, I haven't felt compelled to distance myself from him when he has opened up to me and tried my best. He tries his best too I suppose, but doesn't try very much to include me in the stuff he gets positivity from like I did with him in mine previously. Being a part of something with him makes me feel bonded and closer. It's possible he's making sure I don't ruin the bit of "nice time" he has, i'm admittedly a pain. But it also makes me think maybe he just doesn't care.

Since I've forgot how to be myself (my interests, hobbies, everything) because my mindset at the moment makes it difficult, I've been looking up stuff I think might help turn things around, start from scratch to reconnect and fortify our relationship, but this again makes me think I'm the only one who cares about the health of the relationship and that means I shouldn't try to put effort into mending something he possibly doesn't want mended. I've thought it might be just me who feels this way, but there's no way being a listening ear and shoulder to cry on for somebody else makes anybody mildly sane feel closer to the person after a while.

No. 284399

im so upset about how my bf's friend treated me at her party. all i've ever done was be nice to her, i spent months of my life doing a giant art commission for her and her husband, spent ages making her a baby blanket for her baby to be, and overall just try to be friends with her but she's so cold to me. whenever her and her friend would come over to talk, they'd turn their bodies away from mine and only speak to my bf. she introduced me as "my friend's girlfriend," despite the fact i've known her for over a year and we've gone on several vacations/trips together and talk regularly. her family kept asking my boyfriend if just he was going to stay the night, as if i was invisible. she took pictures of each of her friends doing an activity at the party with her phone and posted them except for me (she made me use my own phone to take the picture of me). i just wish i knew what was so offputting about me. shes a normie, and i just feel like she thinks im a complete weirdo because im a sperg and am awkward. i'm just so sad. on top of it all i feel like i cant talk about it to my bf because it's his best friend and he gets so defensive of her. all i wanted was to be her friend. not even her best friend, but just a friend.

No. 284400

You should just stop trying to be friends with her. Defending her before considering your side, and her talking to him like that, is weird to me. Overall if she wants to pretend you don't exist or matter, return the favor and don't engage her at all.

No. 284401

sage for update, i talked to my bf and he said she wouldn't have invited me if she didn't like me and she's probably just being touchy because she's pregnant right now. i'm feeling a bit more rational and am filing this away in the back of my mind if she continues to treat me this way in the future, but harboring no ill feelings for now. i'm sure it's not easy being in the situation shes in and she was probably stressed. not everything is about me and my autismo self.

No. 284402

this is good advice nonnie. i'm also going to try to match her effort. if she only wants to be cordial acquanitances that's fine, and we can keep each other at arm's length. it's just weird that she invites me to all of these important life events/trips but yet doesn't seem to want to get closer, but at the end of the day it's not worth trying to force something.

No. 284417

>bf has a female "best friend"
>she doesn't like you for totally mysterious reason
Oh nonna…

No. 284418

So I just read a comment on reddit that said that they remember a guy on a show on HBO that had a world record for having a big d*ck regularly wore baseball pants to show it off…

My boyfriend wears really tight jeans which has always bothered me and now I'm worried this is what he's doing.

No. 284422

Why are you censoring this word lol?

No. 284438

If you are desperate for money I guess… I couldn’t be seen dating a dumb horny sexist scrote (never met a construction worker who wasn’t all that) just because he’s rich.

No. 284444

i know… i guess i thought she was an exception to the rule because she's married and seems very happy with her husband, but i guess i should know better.

No. 284456

The funny thing about the guy with the worlds biggest dick is that it didn't even work iirc. It was so big that he couldn't get enough blood flow to it so its huge but permanently soft. But yeah I remember the part about him wearing disgustingly tight pants in public so he could force everyone to see his limp elephant trunk. Even with a broke dick he had to be a pervert about it.

No. 284472

Ewwww. Checks out, mine used to go floppy fast and for the longest I thought it was me.

I’m thinking strangers can’t tell because it’s jeans but idk(USER HAS BEEN PUT OUT TO PASTURE)

No. 284538

Nonnas, please be real with me. I've been with my bf for 2 and a half years and we do not have sex (both are virgins). A few months into it we tried some foreplay but the experience was highly traumatic for me, I dissociated throughout and it's not something I ever want to do again, let alone have sex. He has stated in the past that he wishes we would be intimate but respects my decision and says our relationship is more than sex. I suspect he is also probably autistic, he shows a lot of signs.

Is this relationship doomed? If so, how much? Should I believe him? What is the best course of action here? Our relationship works in every other way and he has not pressured me for physical stuff not once.

No. 284553

>Our relationship works in every other way
Are you sure about that? Is he using porn when not having sex with you? Is he hooking up with other people behind your back? I'm having a hard time believing a guy willingly stays, is perfectly loyal and good to you, while you never engage in anything physical with each other. Especially after two years of this. Maybe he's autistic and seems like a virgin, but he's still a man, and probably has urges that he's taking care of with you being oblivious. Figure out what his mindset is with sex and stuff, and what you guys can do about it, by talking it out.

No. 284559

You've gone nearly 3 years without sex. Clearly, lack of sex isn't going to cause a break-up. The real questions are, what is he doing to relieve his sexual urges that you don't know about? And why haven't you pursued therapy for your issues? You sound autistic, too.

No. 284569

NTA and probably not what OP meant but i looked it up and there actually seems to be a correlation between autism and a low libido, which may explain why he would be fine with it. Reminds me of my own boyfriend who I also suspect is autistic and is not a horndog. But at the same time it doesn't make sense because I thought autism was extreme male-brain and most degenerates I've known have also been autistic? Maybe it depends on the severity? saged for OT
>You sound autistic, too.
Kek'd. I agree though, OP should look into therapy

No. 284584

Autistic men are the biggest perverts of all. They are just usually not interested in 3D women but jerk it to ponies or antro planes and trains. There are no asexual men, their penis is their driving force always and if they aren't having sex with you they are getting off some other way.

No. 284591

This, autism in men is linked with bizarre sexually paraphilic behaviors

No. 284598

So this guy I used to hang out with messaged me out of nowhere after 4 years with no communication. We were just friends before,
I always thought he was cute and we got along great and had a lot in common but he gave 0 indication of being interested in me so I was happy just being friends, but life got busy and we lost touch. Now, out of nowhere he hits me up, and he’s coming on to me super strong, which I don’t hate, but this is a HUGE red flag right?? I wish I could feel good about it but it just feels so inauthentic, like he must be just fishing for a hook up. There’s so way he magically realized he had feelings for me all along and just didn’t know it or some shit.

No. 284604

My first relationship lasted 4 years and for whatever reason I didn't want sex. We did foreplay stuff and it never escalated. I was clear that I might never change my mind about sex. I was always upfront about that. I checked in with him here and there (as we became more commited) to make sure he was still ok with it and he never put pressure on me or hinted at any resentment over it. Tbh one day he did just leave and it was the type of break up where I was genuinely totally blindsided by it. He moved out, refused to communicate and I never got my answer but to this day I think that was the issue and that he would've maybe felt like an asshole if he'd had to tell me that to my face. Looking back I don't know what I could've done different. Even if he'd been more honest I still didn't want sex.

A couple years later I met a guy and we started having sex right away. I was 27 when a switch flipped. I can't explain why. I've been a more sexual person since.

All that to say, it might be a possibility that it'll become an issue someday. Hanging on for a few years is one thing but if a man imagines his life as being permanently sexless it might be a dealbreaker eventually. I guess coming to terms with that as 'a possibility' is all you can do. For now he's not indicating that its an issue and you only go off what he's telling you.

No. 284605

yep, giant red flag. if he wanted to (earlier), he would. him only showing up when it's convenient for him means he's prioritizing his dick over you.

No. 284611

if i can’t decisively tell whether he likes me or not, he probably doesn’t, right? it’s embarrassing to be asking such an underage-sounding question but as a recovering neet i need a second opinion kek

No. 284619

Is it normal to be really anxious and full of dread for my wedding? I'm 27 and got engaged last month, but my my large immigrant family went into a frenzy at the news and are now forcing me to have a huge wedding this upcoming March (they were originally trying for this November!) because of my aging grandparents/aunts/uncles who may not make it any longer than that.

I love my grandparents and I want them to see me get married, but this feels unfair and it's freaking me out. I feel like I'm not even being given time to process any of this. I love my partner but I went straight to this from being a NEET, so now I have 0 friends and I want to put focus on forming normal bonds with others before having to put all of my focus on our marriage. I'm sure that he's the person I want to be with forever, but I'm just not ready for the life everyone keeps making marriage sound like. When I talk to my relatives about how I feel depressed that I don't have any friends, they just tell me "Well your husband is going to be the only friend you need forever!:)))" and that makes me feel horrible. I'm just really scared and I want reassurance that my autonomous individual life isn't going to end the second I sign some papers.

No. 284622

I'm autistic and I have a hard time discerning what people actually think of me, there was a guy I had no idea if he liked me or not, thinking it was the latter and it ended up being the former.

No. 284623

this is interesting because i forgot to mention my crush is high-functioning. he tends to be emotive in other areas however i can’t read him when it comes to romantic feelings

No. 284625

It's your wedding, when you want to tie the knot is entirely and exclusively between you and your partner. If coming march is too soon for you, you'll have to learn to stand up to yourself and say no to your family. They can't force you to say Yes when they want it. Marriage is a lifelong legal contract, don't rush it if that feels wrong and make sure you thoroughly know what you're signing and what consequences marriage has for you in your legal system.

No. 284628

>Well your husband is going to be the only friend you need forever
This is such a terrible advice, I'm guessing they are trad for having this mindset, please don't give yourself anxiety just to please this kind of people, maybe try to find some friends you could invite to the wedding first.

No. 284633

Years ago I went from the neet life to meeting a guy. He was quick to propose and I said yes thinking that we had years of engagement ahead of us. My mom was given months to live. He surprised me by pushing for us to have the wedding within time to have my mom present. I had nerves the morning of the wedding and I didn't know what to make of that. We got married. I lost my mom. I spent all my time with him when he was home from work and I never made friends. A couple years into that routine he left me suddenly and apart from my dad who I'm not close to.. I didn't have a soul around to support me through that. I think me having no life outside of him and us rushing the wedding forward were the two nails in the coffin.

You're being reasonable if you want to hold back on the wedding date and if you want to establish friendships and not rely on one person as your everything. That's the healthier approach. Family who grew up in a different time (or culture) tend to give the worst advice on these issues.

No. 284702

I mean I guess it really depends on the person, but how would being married really change anything about your current relationship right now? I agree with other nonnies that if you feel rushed into it then you shouldn't do it, but your autonomous individual life won't end as soon as you get married as long as you and your husband are on the same page about it. Being married doesn't mean no longer having an independent social life nor does it mean that you suddenly have to start spending more time with your partner than before.

No. 284724

Maybe it does/is expected in her culture though? Like a "wife must serve her husband" thing that's common in more conservative cultures. Just pointing that out because the people in anon's environment do seem to be conservative from the sounds of it.

No. 284736

Having been through a similar experience to op, the issue I faced was my marriage ending a little over three years later and me being stuck dealing with divorce rather than a simple split. I'm in a country where divorce takes years on years and in hindsight my family were pushing the date ahead all because they wanted an excuse to have a party/get together. It wasn't in my best interest to rush.

Ultimately I've to suck up the fact that I was too easily pressured so that's on me but ngl it's my only actual regret in life and its kind of tainted my view of family. They were there for the party and not there when the 'greatest guy' had a total personality shift and dropped me. Life was tough right after the split and I felt like this stigma was put on me for it having failed.

No. 285102

What is it like to date an autistic woman, as a neurotypical person? I've been seeing this girl and she's on the spectrum, she seems a high functioning one from what I see. Maybe some ASD nona can give me some advice?

No. 285120

autistic men and autistic women aren't comparable.

No. 285153

We can be a lot of work, tbh. Exes did not like that I rarely expressed verbal affection. I was also very picky about physical touch and sex. If you date her, you'll need to ask her direct questions during communication, because she likely won't pick up on implications.

No. 285156

Just don't. They are terrible at showing affection or having empathy, two things that are extremely important in a relationship.

No. 285169

I dated a woman who was only formally diagnosed after we split but we both suspected it. Lived with her for years and noise was the only thing I had to be mindful of. She needed time to chill out alone if we'd been out all day anywhere crowded. It wasn't a big deal. I feel like having my own introverted ways made us a match.

She told me she loved me in cards and through gestures all the time but rarely said it out loud. Dunno know what was about because she was otherwise very warm and affectionate. I know alot of autistic women report low libido but she was the opposite.

No. 285173

I feel like that's a generalization, I've a close friend with diagnosed autism who's quite affectionate both physically and verbally

No. 285289

I'm not sure if this is the right thread for this, it's an issue within my relationship so I think it counts? Nonnies, I'm at a loss of what to do.

Today I discovered my long time partner has been indulging in loli/underage pornography. I didn't find any real life cp, it's a couple of visual novel style games, the ones with the realistic models (you know the ones). Before anyone says I didn't dig deep enough, I'm the tech savvy one in the relationship, he wouldn't be able to hide much from me if I really wanna find it.

The general theme was daddy/daughter, which I already knew he was into and honestly didn't bother me when I thought it was all consenting age/roleplay kinda stuff. Like, I get it, I've got some questionable fetishes as wel; but as soon as I saw the models in those games and they looked literally 11-12ish, I just wanted to vomit.

If I were more financially stable I would be packing my shit and leaving asap but it's just not an option. He doesn't know that I know about this yet, but I do plan on confronting him either tonight when he comes home from work, or tomorrow; depends when I figure out what the fuck to do.

No. 285290

jesus fucking christ, this is a nightmare. honestly i don't know if there's too much to be gained from even approaching him about it tbh. it's not like he's going to stop liking it or develop a conscience, unless you can somehow convince him to give you financial support to leave as a result.

No. 285291

Please be a troll post. What advice are you looking for here? All the anons who will respond to you are just going to tell you to form an escape plan and get out of there. There's no viable way to come back from that. Speaking to him won't achieve shit, he's not going to stop watching that sort of porn for you.

No. 285292

I'm not looking for a way to keep this a "happy relationship", but because it's not "real cp" I can't just go to the police because they dont care unless it's real. Do I go to them anyway? Do I contact his family and friends and tell them? His employer? This is more of what I need advice on.

I refuse to leave without saying anything though, I cannot let him think he's gotten away with this; I need to confront him so he knows I know. I'm concerned that if I don't say something he might feel like he could get away with doing it for real because he ~*~so successfully~*~ hid the digital evidence, he could do it with real life? Idk it's hard to explain the feeling.

Why the fuck are men so disgusting jfc.

No. 285294

Have you guys ever been in a relationship where you feel like it makes you a worse person? I feel like I am enabled so much I'm stagnating hard. Or is that having an external locus of control

No. 285302

Don't do anything until you are safely out of there and no longer dependent on him. If you fuck his shit up he will retaliate, so make sure he can't do anything to you before you do anything of the sort.

No. 285305

Not my current relationship, but being with my ex definitely did. It was an extremely toxic relationship and I became a worse person even outside of it.

No. 285308

Don't worry I'll be safe, I'm gonna sit on this until I can sort my affairs.

No. 285313

File: 1662296736667.jpeg (657.51 KB, 1242x1144, 76288BFE-9305-450D-B2B0-8DF30F…)

>start dating guy 3 weeks ago
>he lives with his ex gf in her house which she owns and won’t move out due to being unemployed
>during date 1, she calls obsessively
>during date 2, she calls and texts a lot
>during date 3, she texts him telling him he’s dead to her and she’s gonna burn his possessions
>every time we hang out, she texts and calls him
>i stayed in her house on second date while she’s away, without her knowing felt bad
>she threatens to commit suicide regularly
>he also threatens to commit suicide
>he will literally not move out of her home or get a job
>i asked him to block her and stop being her friend
>i’m moving to another country in a month and he plans to visit me and do distance
>dont mind that i will have to pay for his flights
>keep begging him to leave her, move out of her home and block her
>ex is literally better than me in every way, looks, education, career
>she is often present during our phone conversations doing laundry and such, interrupts us
>i keep trying to end things because it’s too much for me but he is insistent
>i genuinely love him with all my heart despite knowing him only 3 weeks

what do i do? i hate his ex and she is toxic but he won’t leave her home, but i love him so much. he’s literally my first love

i’m gonna fucking rope

No. 285314

nonna, pretty sure you're the other woman. move to your new country and start over. next time vet your moids to make sure they don't already have a gf

No. 285315

noooo get OUT of there, it's only been 3 weeks! that whole situation is a fucking wreck, you don't deserve to be in the middle of that.

No. 285317

Dating a guy who lives with his ex on top of being unemployed was a terrible idea. Get out while you're only losing out on 3 weeks. You don't love a man after a mere 3 weeks, you're confusing exciting, new romantic feelings you're experiencing for the first time for love but that's not what love is. You're going through puppy love.

No. 285320

You know hes still fucking her, right?

No. 285325

he’s absolutely not. he would NEVER do that to me.

No. 285326

what makes you think you’re special or any different, that he won’t do the same shit to you? you’re not special

No. 285327

Girl… you started dating him only 3 weeks ago

No. 285328

i know in my heart he wouldn’t do this. she sat in the phone with me and told me he didn’t love her anymore and that she was not a threat.

No. 285330

you don’t understand the situation he really truly loves me

No. 285335

Are you 18+? If so you're incredibly naive for your age.

No. 285337

You chemically might be all wrapped up in intense feelings right now because that sure happen quick sometimes.. but its such early days. You do not know this mans character yet. The first few months are the 'rose tinted glasses' stage. You've got all this mess on your hands and you don't even know if hes worth it yet. 3 weeks.. pull it back a bit. Don't be paying for his flights and begging him.

Years ago I had an ex who left me for another woman. Hopped straight from me to her and blindsided me with the break up. Our lease and working situations meant we had a couple months where for practical reasons we still had to live together. I hated it. I hated him. We kept it civil tho and the tension calmed a bit. I just wanted to get those few weeks over and done with without drama. Then he started initiating sex with me again. He was in the honeymoon phase with this new woman and there he was initiating sex with me just because he thought he could. I lived with this man for 3 years and I did not know this side of his character yet.

No. 285347

>lives with his ex gf in her house which she owns and won’t move out due to being unemployed
>better in every way, looks, education, career

No. 285350

I read it as the bf being unemployed and the ex being employed and 'better in every way'

No. 285355


Honestly op needs to get her head checked. The guy she's raving about sounds like a major bum

No. 285356


i’ll be generous for a second and believe this; but that’s only one part of your relationship. loving one another can only get you so far. to my knowledge (beyond what you’ve said here), he’s not putting in the work to better himself in any way. he’s unemployed, making no moves to get a job, living with an ex girlfriend who has repeatedly interrupted your dates and other moments alone (despite telling you she’s not a threat), has threatened suicide (and your bf also threatens suicide)… and on top of that, he’s leeching off of her. and you’re offering to pay for his tickets to see you when you move, and i’m not confident he won’t somehow leech off of you too, nona.

the romance might feel nice now, but if there are this many problems so early without any direction toward a solution, it’s better to cut and run and save yourself the heartache.

No. 285375

I feel so bad for you, i'm pretty sure this >>285320 anon is right and you need to come to terms with reality before its too late. I'm sorry anon, i know your feelings are pretty intense and hard to ignore right now but don't do this to yourself

No. 285399

File: 1662327089467.png (112.18 KB, 720x663, 4u5g97.png)

ladies am I the prick here for being annoyed that my bf expected me to want to go on a drug fuelled night out when a) I had just finished work and was exhausted b) I am mid depressive episode and molly fucks up your serotonin and c) I had work early the next day!?

he basically said "huh? so?!" to all of these reasons, didn't bother checking how I was the next day and was still pissy with me. I'm starting to get utterly exhausted there's so many red flags popping up.

>he has broken up with me twice before and each time I stupidly went back because I'm an idiot with low self esteem

>selfish, minimal empathy
>never willingly compliments me and makes fun of my hobbies and says I am too intense
>is leaving the country to do another degree and expects me to want to do long distance again when he is flaky with communication even when we live in the same city
>no interest in moving in with me but stays at mine a lot without offering to pay any bills
>everything is on his terms

I'm finally at the point where I am feeling strong enough to drop the dead weight but I don't know how to stop my stupid pathetic bpd emotions from making me have a mental breakdown over being alone

No. 285463

I have my first date after ending a 6 year relationship. Basically my first “first date” ever. We’re going to get drinks and then seeing a movie. I’m so fucking nervous, and when I’m nervous I talk way to much and say stupid, pointless shit because I am terrified of awkward silences. How can I just chill and act like a normal person? What are some good questions to ask/conversations so I don’t have to worry about being awkward? I hate walking away from every conversation with someone new feeling like I was annoying.

No. 285465

You know the answer already just dump him nona you can do better and you obviously got your shit more together than he does.
He is the prick here.

No. 285493

Pressuring you to do drugs when you have the self awareness to know your mental health isn't great rn and it wouldnt be good for you.. honestly just sounds like a really surface level immature relationship. He wants to have fun and as soon as you're not fun he's not interested or willing to take your wellbeing into account. Hes lacking basic human decency. That's not even a friendship.

Whether you walk away over this or not, it sounds doomed either way. He's a user. Guys like that hop from one woman to another. As soon as someone 'more fun' or 'less work' comes along he'll attach to them instead.

No. 285494

My boyfriend's lips are too big and too slimy. We've been together 2 years and it's only just started to bother me. At the same time my OCD has gotten worse so it may be a touch aversion thing.
I manage the size of his lips/face by kissing him to one side but I can only do that for so long without feeling suffocated. I try to avoid kissing him on the lips as much as possible, instead kissing him on the neck. Any ideas or advice?
Medication could help if it is OCD causing it but I don't want antidepressants killing my already low sex drive, so I'm keeping that as a last resort. I know it's a weird specific question but any ideas would help.

Like the other anon said, you already know the answer. Being alone is better than carrying around dead weight that'll only drag you down.

No. 285496

Tradesmen are far, far from the socially lowest tier, and much of the works takes more smarts than you’d think.

No. 285508

let them talk and ask questions about whatever they say? And don't say anything if they don't ask? Or if you feel like saying something, stop after you're done to hear what they think about what you just said?

No. 285510

Yeah I can agree. Where I’m from a lot of them get drug addictions because they make so much with a 10th grade education.

No. 285511

How does it feel to kiss someone with lips bigger than you? if you have bigger lips than your partner, what have they said?
How big are his lips? can you post an example picture?

No. 285512

men truly have life on easy mode

No. 285524

If you didn't notice until 2 years, it's not a problem with him, it's your mental illness progressing. Even if you find a workaround to this problem, it's just a matter of time until something else starts to bother you. Untreated mental illnesses, like untreated physical illnesses, only get worse over time. I recommend trying meds before writing them off. I take Lexapro and it doesn't affect my sex drive. (Birth control was the only thing that hurt it). Are you in therapy?

No. 285526

Unironically get professional help to figure out what mental health issues you have

No. 285527

nta but is that really a sign of mental health issues? maybe her boyfriend's lips really are too big and groce

No. 285528

Men just have gross lips, there’s nothing wrong with you if you feel ok.

No. 285529

>suddenly after 2 years
>has worsened OCD
did you miss these parts. You wouldn't suddenly think your bf's lips are too big and gross after kissing them for 2 years no problem if you were mentally stable lol

No. 285532

If you want to work on this specific issue, using graduated exposure techniques would work the best. So you’d have to be super motivated to do that therapeutic work because it would mean kissing your boyfriend. It feels weird to say “make sure you’re motivated enough to force yourself to kiss your boyfriend repeatedly until you can tolerate it” though, I’m not going to lie… is everything else hunky dorky between you two?

No. 285534

A libido so low that you're afraid to risk meds lowering it more, not wanting to kiss him on the mouth after 2 years… I could be wrong but this is nearly always explained away by the spark just dying off.

I've noticed a thing lately where women who lose attraction first will go to great lengths to pretend it's not happening or they'll insist it's purely their mental disorder causing it. Seems like a cope alot of the time.

No. 285544

Nta but I have a friend who was in a dead bedroom with her boyfriend of two years, she was convincing herself that her libido was dead due to medical issues, she went as far as to get her estrogens levels tested, she ended up opening the relationship and now she's fucking guys left and right. I think she's in denial about not being attracted to her boyfriend anymore, if they broke up she would have to move and she'd have a lot of financial difficulties.

No. 285553

Nonnas I’m a dumbass. I met this guy on Bumble earlier last week. We had our first date on Thursday and really hit it off (at least I thought so) - I’ve been single for a while now and it’s been a long long time since I met someone I felt this attracted to, physically and intellectually. We ended the date with a kiss and he immediately asked me out on another date for Saturday. On our second date we had dinner, again I had such a good time and felt like it was the same with him, he even paid for everything which is rare in my country.
Now to the dumb part: I was super into him so I ended up taking him home. We had sex which wasn’t amazing because we both were kind of drunk and he had trouble keeping it up.. but overall it was nice! So after lounging around for a bit I go to the toilet and after getting back I see him putting on his clothes to leave. He said he’d have to get up early in the morning so he can’t stay over. I felt really shitty about this (also because I just didn't expect it) so my good mood was gone and I was a bit sad, which he noticed (tbh I was drunk too so it felt worse than it actually was). He asked me if I’m available this week and then left.
Since then I didn’t hear from him at all, I messaged him yesterday to no reply. I honestly thought that at my age I was smarter than that, I feel SO shitty about the whole situation, not just because I really liked him but just because it hurts so much being ghosted like this after having been intimate. I know this is a 'classic' online dating scenario but how do I get over this? I keep religiously checking my phone to radio silence

No. 285557

How old are you? If it helps, I'm in my 30s and it has happened to me more than once recently kek.

No. 285558

It could be that this was his plan all along or it could be that losing his erection and just generally not performing well got to him and its easier to write you off after only a couple dates than to face that in the cold light of day while sober. The fact that he didn't even sleep there just stands out as extra rushed. Even casual users will often stay the night to maybe get a second round going.

Either way he sure isn't thinking about how this must feel on your end. If he happens to pop up again and claim some crazy shit stopped him from replying to you.. don't buy it. Probably better to block him. No message will undo this shit.

No. 285561

>is going into IT so we'll be very well off if we start a life together
If he's just getting into IT he'll be making 30-40k for the first two years, minimum. IT is not what it used to be. Everyone and their dad wants to get into IT these days.

No. 285568

I'm 28. I've had my fuckboy encounters in my early twenties but in the past years I've been lucky enough to only run into guys that were serious about me.. I honestly thought I was immune to this shit or something, like I'm old enough to see through men's bullshit and know better.

The leaving after sex thing really caught me off guard too because it's literally never happened to me before. Even guys that weren't that serious about me would still stay over.

At this point I think I just have to accept that there won't be a reply and that I got played.. which really hurts my self-esteem.

No. 285571

Thank you noni. I started prozac about 10 years ago and stopped taking it a few years ago, which was amazing until covid happened. Honestly after reading the replies I think I'm in denial about needing more help after managing for so long.

Honestly yes. Exposure therapy has worked for me before so I'll remember that idea. Thank you

No. 285577

I was frustrated to no end with app ghosting 6-5 years ago too. The only thing that ever worked for me was upping my bullshitometer to the point I could only make it work with guys who demonstrated being into me without shades of gray. Well, eventually just 'guy', I married one after a long courtship. The thing is that I don't think this this could work over apps. I had given them up by then.
Maybe it could, but the expectation of 99.99999% of app moids is pump and dump. Some just take a little longer than others to do it.

No. 285585

>he even paid for everything which is rare in my country
i'm from brazil living in germany and i've never even heard of this, maybe in hollywood filler movies and shit

No. 285610

Nonnie how new are you to dating apps?

No. 285622

Limp dick pumping and dumping is hyperspace next level deeper than rock bottom loserdom, but then waiting for a repeat? wtf lmao

No. 285637

Don't beat yourself up over it anon. It happens to everyone and I think it's unfortunately par for the course of dating. There's a lot of shame surrounding women who get pumped and dumped (so to speak) as if it's somehow your fault when in reality the responsibility should be on the moid to be up front about his intentions (which he rarely is and that's how this shit happens in the first place). Of course it's good to be careful (especially for your own safety), but even the rule of 'don't fuck a guy until x amount of dates' only exists because men don't fucking communicate and not only do they not communicate, but they are straight up misleading. They say random shit that any sane person would assume means that they intend on seeing you again and then just disappear out of nowhere lol. People can say 'well you should know better because it's a guy from a dating app' and sure that's partially true, but also it sucks having to be on your guard all the time. That is to say, it happens to women of any age unless you just have your guard up 100% of the time but that can make dating even more difficult and miserable than it already is.

Honestly I think the best way to get over it is to just talk to other guys and keep swiping. You don't have to throw yourself out there and go on another date immediately, but even just swiping through and matching with people to remind yourself that you have options. I've been in a similar situation to you before and often when I get hurt, my go-to method is to withdraw and take a break so I have time to lick my wounds, but honestly that only gave me more time to fixate on what happened and think about what could have been. When you go back to swiping and talking to other guys, it helps you remember that there are more people out there and you move on faster because you aren't just focusing on this one guy and thinking about him all the time.

No. 285656

It's almost like after the honeymoon phase you actually have to work at a relationship

Stop letting him live rent free in your head and move onto the next. If he actually gets back to you remind him about his limp dick.

No. 285662

>Honestly I think the best way to get over it is to just talk to other guys and keep swiping
I can't tell if this is wisdom being imparted through very sarcastic concern trolling or if it's just a plain evil moid being a POS
j f c

No. 285665

I need some clarity on this current situation with my boyfriend.
For further context, I broke up with my last ex when I found out he was into loli porn. He lied initially and the more I had to keep pressing the more he confessed about being into. He also likes very tiny, petite women who look and act young. When I connected the two I was disgusted by him, and it gave me a little bit of a complex about thinking most men are pedophiles. I’m highly sensitive to anything that may even hint a tiny bit that a man may be like this
My current boyfriend is wonderful, an absolute 10/10 in every way, I’m so in love with him. We’re at the stage in our relationship where we have been discussing having kids. I’ve noticed he (half jokingly) seems to talk about preferring daughters, and wanting sons to be able to help him with chores and yard work. We were talking about this today and he said girls and boys should be raised differently. He mentioned girls having earlier curfews, boys being the only ones to mow the lawn because it was dangerous for the girls, stuff like that. To me it comes across as him wanting to dote on the girls while seeing the boys just as his workers. It’s the first thing like this that started to give me that sick at my stomach, red flags, questioning things feeling.
Please someone tell me this is just my past relationship making me overreact. I had to cut contact with my ex because his obsession with the loli stuff made me think if we had a daughter she wouldn’t be safe with him. I never want to feel that way about another man again, and I just need some reassurance that’s not what this is

No. 285671

Honestly I'd be sussed out by this too.

No. 285675

it just sounds like standard normie gender values to me. being protective over daughters and trying to make their sons into men is pretty standard.

No. 285686

sorry you had to go through that, it must have been traumatizing finding that out about someone you trusted and who you had felt comfortable with before. I would completely understand being weary of any male after finding that out.

I can't make any judgement on your current situation, but I do wonder if it's not sexual but instead some kind of emotional problem he has with males. Possibly he doesn't see male children as a source for love, kindness, etc maybe due to being abused by brothers, his father, boys at school, etc, maybe not even sexually abused just physically or verbally abused so he prefers girls and women and only associates love, kindness, warmth, etc with them. Maybe I'm just naive but I like to believe someone, especially someone described as a 10/10 isn't a monster and just has unprocessed past life trauma.

No. 285690

this is a seriously unhinged take.

No. 285697

Well that's how my father was with my brothers, I wouldn't have even mentioned anything if I hadn't seen it before. Thanks for being so understanding.

No. 285699

Maybe it depends on your standards, it'd personally be a red flag for me, even my somewhat trad dad raised us (two daughters and one son) identically, encouraging us to pursue any sport or hobby no matter how masculine or feminine it was perceived as. It's not as big as your pedo ex but be on the lookout for anything other weird sign.

No. 285702

but that isn't the norm at all. anon's bf just sounds like a dumb trad guy.

No. 285703

Without any other red flags honestly sounds like an overreaction. Did you ask him why he feels that way about sons and daughters?

No. 285707

Absolutely nothing about anon's post indicates her bf dealt with abuse or otherwise emotional trauma. >>285702 this is far more likely.

Also I don't trust any of you when you claim your bfs are 10/10 perfect nigels.

No. 285708

and it reads like the same person who gave the crap contradictory advice one topic before

No. 285710

It just sounds like he's overheard this stuff from older relatives and hes parroting it as the blueprint on parenting. Boys mowing the lawn and girls having an earlier curfew isn't really doting on them.. its just old fashioned parenting where the belief is that girls should be protected and boys should get a good work ethic going from a young age.

The only worry I'd have is that people who view it in that way can carry sexist views that are very dated by now, if their daughter turns out to not be a dainty lil thing after all it can be shit for her to have that type of dad. But I don't see it as a red flag for sexualising young girls.

No. 285718

it sounds to me like the main issue here is that you don't know his core values and how they match yours. a relationship with this deegree of commitment will never work until you do. is here some kind of conversatard? does he have any online gurus? who? what are his exact religious views? which societal issues you care for, and what are his takes on them? not trying to slander him here, these are just very salient points that can answer a lot more by themselves
that's the thing she needs to take action and find out who he is, not wait around and see, you can't have kids with a guy you can't trust because you dont know him deep down
we've all seen this a million times but srsly nonna the way you processed it was a bit concerning to me, like you still sound primed to get yourself into the same situation again or worse, you need to grow a bit of a spine, the way you reacted to shit dick's actions looked humiliatingly submissive, and if you're apping you are sure to run into worse than this
maybe go back to the serious-about-you-guys

No. 285722

ok fine if that's what you think. But when I think about kids my first though isn't "wow I can't wait to put them to work", it's about you know spending time with them? My dad was obsessed with putting my brothers to work for some reason which in retrospect is bizarre and strange when I compare him to more normal parents I've known. Also most the trad dorks I've met don't even want girls or to spend time with them they seem obsessed with having boys so they can do fun allegedly "macho" things like sports or camping (because girls can't?), not chores.
Like I said fine ok, focusing on making your children doing chores rather than doing something fun doesn't indicate anything strange, forget I brought it up. I guess I'm just projecting.

No. 285731

Anons might give you shit for this because of how a lot of them view sex but imo you did nothing wrong. He wasn’t gonna stick around after sex anyway if he ghosted you like this so at least you didn’t waste more time with him. He would probably stick around for a few months (men are crazy patient about getting sex) and still ghost or split up after sleeping with you, imagine how much more painful would that be. The sex wasn’t great but you said it was quite nice anyway, right? It’s just another experience, you kinda enjoyed it and no one can really tell if you slept with anyone so imo it’s pointless to think of it as of him taking something from you. Also most of my friends have long time boyfriends and they all slept with them pretty soon, I personally have mixed experiences so I think it’s mostly about the guy’s character and it’s really hard to tell. I know it’s painful but he’s the one that’s acting shitty and who’s a shitty person. I really share your pain though, I’m same age as you, single for some time and I get how it makes you feel more intense and happy when you finally meet someone who looks like a dating material just to get hurt. Let’s hang in there.

No. 285738

>Let’s hang in there
trying to drag someone down with your super succesful dating wisdom much? no one's blaming her here, sex is great and i'm promiscuous myself, but trying to retrofit this into "ooooh nothing actually happened but the limp dick sex here!!!" when this beyond clearly isn't the case for her won't help her do anything other than go through this again. you can't conveniently dissociate the coherent whole of someone's experience into some dr. phil advice, the actual reality of it crushed her and the best thing she can do is to learn from it instead of internalizing mysognistic behavior like you want her to. people have their own expectations and emotional cognitions and the best we can do is respect them and give proper advice based on their individuality. you are the one being an asshole by trying to gaslight and force yours down the throat of a person deeply hurt. plus, OP makes it very clear that she has the expectation of dating people who she gets to know for real and are serious about her, and this clearly extends to her sexuality.
>I think it’s mostly about the guy’s character and it’s really hard to tell
i mean, can't you see how bad your advice is just by this contradictory statement alone lmao
what can fickle dates bring here? she either avoids self-defeating behavior or ends up frustrated and hurt again for no good reason. there are million ways to find good matches other than this, get a grip

No. 285740

File: 1662471874173.jpeg (5.78 KB, 224x225, download.jpeg)

hey, it's probably the last time i'll talk about this but 6 months ago I posted about how I fucked a man I barely knew all because I was drunk and I had a massive crush on him all because he liked kpop and stuff. He let me initiate it, so we fucked and he told me no contact afterwards. which is fine. i figured we could talk it out when he came back. he came back a week ago and surprisingly he seemed okay?? but keep in mind we were in a club and we were drunk once again. however literally the next day he unfollowed me on all platforms and for the next two days I sat in my room crying and confused and what makes it worse our uni is the size of a small walmart and we kept running into each other, and if looks could kill id be dead. I reach out to him, leaves me on delivered, uses our mutual friends as Messengers and its later i find out that he knew that i told him, after saying i wouldn't tell. But i was so angry and hurt because for one whole hours we watched stayc kpop videos and he would constantly bring up his "ideal type" and i woukd never meet his standards. yaddah yaddah it turns out he did it because he felt violated after we fucked and chose to not cuss me out. well it got me upset and i told my friends in a drunken rage. so now people know a whole other story and its my fault. when we finally talked i kept looking at him and thinking about how beautiful he is and realized no matter what he says or does i'll always love him. i unfollowed him and unliked everything and now we're strangers and its the hardest thing i can do. i don't think we'll ever get back what he had as good acquaintances, let alone be romantic partners unless a miracle happens. i feel awful and every time i see him i just feel guilt. he did nothing wrong. ive apologized and i thinks that's all i can do. i need to respect his space. it's so hard watching him tho and realizing we could've been friends or maybe something more in he future. i keep looking at our old mesages and think to myself "danggg we really were like twin flames"

No. 285747

sorry to OP, who has more than my sympathy, for dragging her into this,
i just hate that kind of useless normie kumbaya advice, and a degrading/mysoginistic one at that

No. 285748

? Calm down no one’s telling her to be promiscuous.

No. 285750

not even the issue? i said am lmao

No. 285751

Are you seriously having a fit because someone told OP to not feel shitty because shit happens kek

No. 285752

you really gotta learn how to read (you probably wouldn't have written that shit post for starters)

No. 285753

>he did it because he felt violated after we fucked and chose to not cuss me out
Dude is full of shit and he's twisting everything to make himself into a victim. He wanted to fuck and then drop you. which he did but this crazy story telling is just an added insult on top. Don't buy into it anon. Don't waste your energy feeling guilt when you're not the bad guy.

No. 285754

the big problem here is what he's doing with this ~info, she mentions it's out there
OP is caught up in being hurt, but this could be worse
what a complete asshole that guy is

No. 285755

I’m not the one raging because someone told OP to not feel like shit and that at least she didn’t waste more time. You don’t need to twist everything into some misogynistic bullshit no one said and get angry at the strawman

No. 285763

You don't love him, you're infatuated. Get over it.

No. 285765

>How big are his lips? can you post an example picture?

No. 285766

That’s really creepy actually. Wtf

No. 285768

Report him to the police for clearly fucking someone underaged

No. 285775

A while ago my partner intentionally made me age regress after I had implied how uncomfortable I was with this aspect of myself and we engaged in age-play for a couple of weeks. Then we (he) stopped. And now I’m learning he did it because he thought it would be funny (but not in a mocking way you guys! eyeroll). He said he was curious.

I guess I’m relieved he wasn’t into it, guys into this type of stuff are beyond questionable. Maybe ironic of me to say I know. But I still feel violated? It was something I never wanted to “indulge” in. He didn’t shame me or anything, but it feels like it was for his benefit. Like okay, great you can confirm you’re well adjusted at my expense. I don’t know.

No. 285786

>great you can confirm you’re well adjusted at my expense
Read back your own post and tell me that guy is well adjusted.

I mean there's no shortage of women who are into that kind of thing (for whatever reason, trauma) But for him to put you through 2 weeks of that when you're uncomfortable is pretty much on par with those guys if not… worse.

No. 285789

He used your trauma to hurt you. He intentionally put you in harms way and violated your boundaries. You should be upset. Anon you should run. He doesn’t respect you or empathize with you. Him doing that is 100% fucked and a red flag

No. 285791

>> Like okay, great you can confirm you’re well adjusted at my expense. I don’t know.
Samefag but it was. He’s a sick pervert and he probably went home and stroked himself to it or like a gross moid mocked you to his friends. He’s a digustibg predatory piece of shit anon.

No. 285800

RUN, what the hell !?

No. 285806

>>285775 let me parse this a bit
>you express psychic discomfort at something
>your partner turns it into a degrading sex act and makes you engage in it for two weeks
>he then says it was for his own psychological benefit, in a way that sounds completely contrived?
he couldn't even cook something evil but logical like 'i wanted to brute force your way out of the trauma'. he made it about him.

I don't want to sound remotely trad here, but the answer to like more than half of the questionings in this thread is
please price yourself ///way/// higher than this in the dating market

No. 285808

It’s not even trad. One in six men is a rapist. I don’t play Russian roulette for fun. Please value yourself. Assume they’re monsters and make them prove themselves to you. The right one will.

No. 285813

I don't even believe age regression is real but >>285806 is right. And so is >>285800. You don't violated, you were violated. Don't minimize what happened to cope with it.

No. 285819

I've been turning very pro-courtship lately, to my astonishment

No. 285827

another scrote claiming it's "just a joke". sure. right, just a joke. c'mon anon, he's into it. men always pretend their fucked up shit is a "joke"

No. 285835

Advice for a budding relationship: after how many dates/weeks of dating did you make it official?

No. 285838

It depends on more factors than that, how is the relationship so far?

No. 285848

Exclusive after three dates if I vibe with them. Officially dating at three months so the honey moon chemical reactions starts to die and I can see if they’re annoying.

No. 285906

I mean what else do you suggest she do? Anon was asking how to get over him and that’s my suggestion. Once you talk to other guys you realize that one guy you got along with isn’t that special. I’ve been in her shoes before and my typical response would be to just completely shut men out of my life after I was hurt, but that only made things worse because I only had those few negative experiences to think on. I’m not saying she has to go on another date immediately but talking to other people is the best way to forget about someone, especially if it was someone she only met twice.

No. 285930

i suggest she doesn't indulge in even more stupid swiping like your dumbass originally said
and probably to stop falling for stupid american meme dating mores that don't seem to fit her and possibly her culture (tbh it doesn't even fit burgers, you guys are just completely oblivious and retarded when it comes to culturally introjected patterns of self-destruction)

No. 285932

Been in the same situation as your friend except no opening relationship/fucking other guys. I agree with you.
Though OP also needs mental health, i think her ocd got worse and she caught "the ick" from her bf

No. 286000

Idk what advice i need but i just need to vent somewhere about it, so yesterday night i was ready to go sleep and was just cuddling on bed with my bf trying to fall asleep and he started to touch me it was okay and all but he started to want to have sex and i said no and all then i turned around and he just started to penetrate me with fingers and then just straight up started to have piv sex with me i was tired and half asleep bu and i felt so uncomfortable about it but i didnt said anything idk i felt kinda paralized for some reason anyways he finished and we just went sleep but i been feeling so shitty for the whole next day now idk i never felt like that but its not the first time he did that but now it just felt so much worse i feel so bad, idk if i rlly need any advice about it more like how do i cope and yeah im gonna tell him about how i feel, sorry im bad at expressing stuff and typing

No. 286002

I'm sorry that happened to you.
You said no and he did it anyway.
Your boyfriend is a rapist. Aside from breaking up with him, my advice is to not be alone with him anymore and to call a hotline like women's aid if you need someone to talk to. Do you live together?

No. 286010

This is rape. Talking to him about it may make him extremely defensive (it's basically guaranteed actually) and he may try to twist the truth. You said no, you got penetrated anyway, and you felt completely wrong about it. There is no part of this that is consensual. You need to get the fuck out of that relationship because there is no coming back from rape. Do not let him control the narrative. The second my partner is even remotely unenthusiastic or stiff or tired looking I stop to ask her for consent before I do anything else. It's extremely easy to tell when someone is not into it and you even explicitly said no. He knew it was not okay. Do NOT let him tell you otherwise. You had the right instinct right after the event, you were violated.

No. 286011

He raped you

No. 286021

Anons above me are right, that's rape. No is no. You don't cope with it, you see it for what it is and break up with your rapist.

>You need to get the fuck out of that relationship because there is no coming back from rape.
>Do not let him control the narrative.
This. If there's anything you take from these posts, take this, take it seriously and listen to it. Anon is 100% right.

No. 286080

File: 1662565560253.png (353.24 KB, 445x427, 1639246828942.png)

It's going great, we've shared a lot, had intimate, open conversations about the things that matter, and we want the same things. There's a lot of attraction, spontaneous caring gestures, protectiveness, interest for every part of our lives. We've been exclusive after the first date because of how good we vibed, and after 7 weeks we're definitely growing feelings.
I was thinking of maybe waiting another week or two and probe the topic. Am I nervous? Yes. Am I scared? Shitless. But I don't know, it feels right and I never felt this way before. And regardless, there's no guarantees in life anyway. Sometimes you gotta leave fear behind.
Wish me to break a leg, anons.

No. 286082

Anon that’s rape and I’m so sorry. Thirding. Don’t be alone. He’ll defend it. He’s wrong. I’m so so fucking sorry

No. 286124

Anons … how do I get a boyfriend? D: Or more accurately, how do I find someone I'd even be open to begin to date?(D:)

No. 286314

Bf and I have been dating for about two years now, long distance for the past 3 months because we both moved away for school. It's sucks to be apart but we're always texting and calling as much as possible to stay connected. But in just the past couple of weeks, he's almost totally dropped off. No more phone calls and the driest texting ever that reads like he only sent them out of obligation. He says he's just busy and tired and feeling easily annoyed lately, so he doesn't want to be around me or anyone. That's fine, I can give him space. Except I see that he's online and talking to our friends, and seeming to have a really good time with everyone but me. I even asked his best friend if he seemed ok, and the friend said he hadn't noticed anything off, in fact my bf seems really happy. On top of all this he's stopped asking for pics of me (not nudes! It's just a ritual we have where he uses the latest pic as his wallpaper) when before he'd ask every day. Am I crazy to think hes lying to me about something? Do you think he could be cheating? For the record we are both 19, we haven't reunited since the move but have plans to see each other next month, and he's never done anything like this before.

No. 286325

like tenth anon here to say that is rape, yes

No. 286350

You're not crazy anon, I would be worried too and honestly something is probably going on. I think you should move onto the next chapter in your life. You should be enjoying your college years without worrying about a what a moid may or may not be doing. Him dropping communication is a bad sign and his actions are disrespectful. Love ya nonnie, everything will work out.

No. 286355

Tbh this is pretty typical for young relationships once one or the both of you go off to school. It doesn't necessarily mean he's cheating or doing anything shady, just that a lot of people (especially guys) want to enjoy their college years without worrying about a girl however many miles away. The exact same thing happened to my 4 year relationship once he went to college in another city and we ended up breaking up shortly after. If it's any solace that was almost 10 years ago now and at this point and him and I are best friends, feels less like an ex and more like a childhood friend. I know it may hurt a lot now but just know this is normal and you will grow a lot in these next few years and meet many more people.

No. 286359

Are you both homebodies usually? If so, then he has no excuse sorry to say. You could just call each other on discord and do other things in the background while catching up. If he can't do that much in an ldr, then I wouldn't expect this to last.
t. was in an ldr for a long time

No. 286368

Not really in a relationship but needed some advice. I've gone out with this younger guy a couple of times and I'm starting to like him. The thing is that I'm like 99% percent sure he's not going to want a relationship with me (younger and also pretty busy with school/work). How should I approach this? I have a bad record of putting effort into casual relationships and feeling rejected in the end (even though I know it has nothing to do with me, just bad timing).

I know I know, I should ask from the start and only go out with guys that I know are looking for the same thing, but how early is too early to ask something like that? I always feel like I'm sabotaging things by being so quick to bring it up. And I also do want to chill a bit and enjoy the start of things, I feel bringing it up is beneficial for my feelings but I also think it puts some unnecesary pressure too quickly.

No. 286570

Who is initiating all these dates you two are going on? Does he realize that your dates are actually dates and not just socializing between acquiantances? If he does, then how can you be sure that he 99% doesn't want a relationship with you if you two keep going on dates? Did he reject you in some way?

My advice to you is that, since you already realize that these dates aren't going anywhere, stop going on these dates since you want something more, I don't know how you can put up with these dates if you're 99% sure that they aren't going anywhere.

No. 286580

>freshman year LDR

oldest story in the book. yes he's cheating. and he's going to reappear next month to try and get pussy from you. drop him

No. 286604

Guy I've been seeing follows a few underground onlyfans girls on instagram and constantly likes the posts of girls he's followed… am I right to be slightly worried/upset? These women look nothing like me mind you so of course it does make me feel a bit insecure.. Should I just drop him before I develop real feelings? (I know the "liking" on insta could be friendly/innocent but honestly not 100% sure.)

No. 286605

Do you really think he's following these onlyfans girls because he likes their personalities? Nonna, I think you know the answer to this…

No. 286609

>I know the "liking" on insta could be friendly/innocent but honestly not 100% sure.
lmfaoooo you're joking right

No. 286617

Drop it before he has the chance to wiggle his porn-limp dick inside you

No. 286618

Not even a porn-only thing, but they all contrast greatly with you… 10000% drop it before it's too late

No. 286619

>dating a moid who's paying real everyday women to exploit themselves for his masturbatory enjoyment
>"idk guys should I drop him?"
the fucking state of anons here is2g

No. 286653

File: 1662709305112.png (153.43 KB, 400x400, tumblr_ptru9yvZoJ1sx8ybdo2_400…)

What are some fast ways to get over a crush on a guy with a girlfriend? I met him at a metal show and gave him my number after, we've been texting and I definitely have a thing for him. He mentioned he had a girlfriend and I feel super weird talking to him now. He invited me to a show next weekend in a "I'm going to this thing and you can come if you like" way, and I'm not sure if going is a good idea for my feelings, but the show could be cool and exposure would help me get over it? I don't know what to do, I feel super mixed up right now.

No. 286656

How would exposure help you get over it, it's a crush not a phobia silly

No. 286660

If he's taking girl's numbers while having a gf, you know he'd do the same to you. That's a red flag right there.

No. 286661

Imagine doing this when you have a real live woman who loves you and has sex with you. Obviously leave him for someone who loves and cares about you nonna. One of my friends is married to a scrote who does this and also pays women to chat and has a hamplanet across the country to "sext" with, I felt bad for her when I found out but then I remembered years ago when we all went out for drinks in a group and she ended the night by screaming at him because she said he was looking at me/talking to me all night (He wasn't talking to me more than anyone else, but like any moid "friend", they are not really your friend but waiting for the chance to fuck you, I know this very well now. Silly me for thinking he was my friend and I was in the clear since he had a gf. Also she fell down on the ground at the bar/restaurant because her leg fell asleep I guess? And she was probably embarrassed/ feeling bad about herself.) and she still had 3 babies with him and married him. She's a cool person so it's pretty sad but this. This is exactly why you don't settle for less than what you deserve.

No. 286666

>These women look nothing like me mind you so of course it does make me feel a bit insecure
There's always going to be women out there who are fantasy material for guys and they're only a click away but when you're dating someone its not your job to compete with those women. Its his job to understand basic decency, ie you don't seek out and gawk at other people while you have a partner. It's not about whether you look good enough.. He thinks this behaviour is ok so he'd do it to anyone.

No. 286684

>weeb things dominate lolcow so much
No they don't. Fuck off stinky weeb.

No. 286686


No. 286693

Me neither tbh.

No. 286701

I'm fairly certain a large part of the current userbase has no idea about the origins/beginnings of LC. Newfags find the website through cows and we've got many who've got nothing to do with weeb culture.

No. 286704

And Facebook used to be a site for rating women's attractiveness. Kiwifarms used to be a site dedicated only to cataloging Chris-Chan. Times change and websites and communities evolve past what they used to be. Anime is inseparable from moid degeneracy and troonism. It's like porn. Made for men, by men and full of harmful stereotypes about women.

No. 286706

Are you just gonna pretend that shoujo, josei and BL anime doesn't exist

No. 286711

Clearly a newfag, i'm not even a weeb myself but her post is seriously embarrassing

No. 286714

>what is joseimuke

No. 286721

File: 1662732856231.png (1.44 MB, 1880x1040, weebs.png)

Weebs are universally despised for being perverted scrotes, seethe about it you stinky weebshit.

No. 286758

Just ignore them, anon. I feel like a lot of the really adamant posters are tryhard former weebs who want to be normal but still can't let go of imageboard culture. They will grow up eventually

No. 286767

It’s an infighter who’s trolling with anime pics while insulting weebs. Come on anons don’t react to shit bait

No. 286768

wanna bet an arm Bumble-chan is getting week-used-discarded again and regress-chan barely even confronted that mf

No. 286820

It's finally over. He hasn't called or sent me a text in over two days and I know he is ignoring me. This blows the final straw and I'm done. Now the problem remains with me, how will I deal with my loneliness, nostalgia and control my urge of pathetically begging for his attention.

No. 286882

When telling a partner you were sexually assaulted should you tell them what happened or be vague about it? I tried looking it up online but there's no real answer I've found.

My exgf told me she was but gave no details so I felt that I shouldn't tell her what exactly happened either. I thought that if she was ready she would tell me or not tell me at all. So I don't know if I should or not in the future. I feel like I'm a nosey person and would like to know so I might not trigger anything in the future because I would my gf to be conscious of maybe what not to do to me. Thanks.

No. 286888

There’s not really rule of thumb for talking about really dark subjects just by nature of the topic. Really it does depend on the person as to how much they disclose but the goal should be to eventually get to the point where you can feel comfortable enough getting into the details. I don’t think it’s really necessary to give an extremely graphic description but being able to feel safe telling a partner the more intense parts is very important. It’s not something you have to tell them all at once other, you can definitely bring up the subject in vague sense and reveal more details as the relationship grows.

No. 286962

I've only dated men so its different but I've trusted partners with a bit of detail (because that act is off the table for me now, not that its something all women are into anyway) It came back to bite me on the ass as soon as we had relationship issues. It was thrown back in my face in a way. In hindsight I really wish I had never given either of those partners that senstive info. Two strikes and I'm done trusting anyone with anything more than 'something happend to me as a kid'

I feel like it's not as risky with a female partner or someone who also has a csa past but still.. if you break up some day and that person is walking around forever carrying this sensitive info on you it can play on your mind and be an unsetting thought. If the break up gets ugly its sick how low some people will go to hurt you. I would rather give less detail than give too much.

No. 287027

File: 1662828794156.jpeg (209.67 KB, 1024x768, FBCA8293-6E22-4557-BBC9-4A30AD…)

I’d been hooking up with this girl and the sex was absolutely amazing. We would have sleepovers and go do stuff together too, she specifically asked me if I wanted to be “best friends who have sex” because she wasn’t over her ex and that sounded perfect to me.

Around the sixth time we hung out, she finally told me about her ex. Basically he had broken up with her to “work on himself” but they were planning on getting back together in a few months. She told me that she was taking this time to “experiment with her sexuality” and that she wasn’t seeing men out of respect for him. She also said that he wasn’t really comfortable with her seeing other people during this time. This made me feel really gross and used.

Yesterday I asked her what would happen when her and her ex got back together and she said that she had assumed that we would just stop having sex and be friends. I asked if she would tell her boyfriend about us and she said no, he would never have to know. I left after that and have no plans of speaking to her again. Am I wrong for not being okay with our relationship being a secret?

No. 287028

Oh my god this is so degrading. She doesn’t deserve to fuck you. Dump her ass so she can go back to her heckin’ Nigelerino

No. 287029

You should never tell men about past sexual trauma as a rule of thumb. Worst case scenario they get mad they can’t also rape you like the lucky men before him or he uses it in court to prove you’re a “crazy bpd whore” that shouldn’t have custody of the kids. Best case scenario he grows a little chub while listening to your story.

No. 287030

I don't think this woman has standards for herself and by extension she doesn't know how to treat you well even as a non-gf. Better to stay away from her. Chances are Nigel is also fucking women and keeping it a secret during his 'self improvement break' but that's her hard lesson to learn

No. 287039

Disgusting, she should have found another bihet girl to experiment with.
>she wasn’t seeing men out of respect for him
But she didn't want to respect you by informing you of this arrangement? One more proof that spicy straights only see SSA as a phase and not real.

No. 287041

>best case scenario he grows a little chub
Why is this so sad and so funny at the same time. Thanks, nona.

No. 287066

Thank you nonnas, I knew I could count on you. The thing I’m most bummed about is that I really enjoyed the sex, but I’m really glad that I stood up for myself. She said that nobody had ever made her orgasm like I did though, so it’s her loss. Wishing her a lifetime of unsatisfying sex with her Nigel.

No. 287170

Idk, might be better tbh to not tell. Telling a man that kinda stuff, he's never going to see it as a relationship, just as a story to turn him on. He would either end up messaging you, asking for a threesome or he could have a lesbophobic flip out.

No. 287371

ayrt thanks for the replies. Yeah, I think it would have helped if we talked more about our past since I know it did affect our level of intimacy. Thank you! and so glad I don't have to deal with the dude shit sorry you guys have to deal with that.

No. 287496

File: 1662993796856.jpg (850.58 KB, 1614x2048, 1645692245288.jpg)

I'm in a relationship with a semi-famous guy. He gets a lot of attention from young pretty women all the time and I'm struggling with how to deal with it. I don't feel confident in myself, I'm nothing special.. And getting old. Sometimes I want to end the relationship just so I don't have to feel insecure.

What do?

No. 287513

I was in the same situation with my husband, but I stopped feeling insecure about it after a while because he never interacts with his fangirls. He doesn't reply to them or talk to them privately, even before he met me he didn't do this because he knows how many famous guys have had their careers ruined by fucking around with fans. Even if your interactions with them are innocent it could always be taken out of context to he just does not engage at all. He also shows me when women e-mail or DM him and is very transparent in general, honestly most of those girls are just cringe as fuck and we laugh about it together.

If it was any other way I doubt I would have entered this relationship tho, like if your boyfriend talks to his fans privately I would absolutely get the fuck out of that relationship.

No. 287526

Do you trust him? If so, focus on that so you can feel better. I know insecurity is often related to lack of trust (as well as other preexisting reasons).

No. 287580

elon doesn't want you anymore, claire

No. 287723

Never date a guy who uses 4chan, nonnies. Don't make my mistake.

No. 287730

How does he interact with them, and have you seen it in the flesh?

No. 287732

No. 287734

File: 1663086724904.jpeg (29.72 KB, 540x540, 1610491903320.jpeg)

How do I deal with the fact that I will never be loved back the same way that I love my boyfriend? I believe my bf loves me as much as a man is capable of loving someone, but I know that it will never compare to the kind of love I have for him. I know not all women feel this way, but for me when I am in love then I genuinely do not find other moids attractive or look after them or have any interest in them whatsoever. I give a lot of love and I sacrifice a lot for my partner, I do everything possible to just be the best girlfriend in the world, every day I try to make him happy and fulfill all of his needs. I just really wish that it was possible to find someone like that who treats me the same and isn't looking at other women, but I think it's just against male nature and instinct, since their brains are always looking for other fertile females to jump, even if they have everything they could ever want at home already. My perfect boyfriend wouldn't ever be attracted to other women, just like me. But that just doesn't exist because men are not wired that way. Just makes me so sad and depressed.

No. 287735

According to the Nigel thread these men apparently exist but yeah, they really are the diamond in the rough.
although I do wonder how many women who posted in this thread have since broken up with their boyfriend

No. 287736

You'll get over this feeling as you age and become jaded with men in general. Your boyfriend will inevitable disappoint you, and these intense feelings you have for him will change into something less passionate.

No. 287738

You can find a man who doesn't watch porn, that is the best case scenario but honestly those men still will look at women on the internet or on the street an want to fuck them. They can't not look at a fertile female and think of sex, even the "good ones". It just doesn't exist.

I guess that's the best case scenario. I really wish I wouldn't love him so much or would at least also be attracted to other people to make it fair. I think if I had those same thoughts about men other than him then at least I wouldn't feel so bad cause "it's just human", but I just don't so I know that it's possible and it makes me sad cause I don't have someone who loves me like that.

No. 287739

I remember that time when some anon boasted in the nigel thread about her bf turned out to be the same anon who posted itt about her bf wanting his kid from his ex-wife to live with them. Always take those posts with a grain of salt (although advices itt should be taken with a grain of salt too)

No. 287741

Men don’t express empathy the same even your dream man will disappoint you in other ways. Relationships are work. Mine doesn’t watch porn and if he did I’d leave. I’ve made it clear. If you want someone else go be with someone else. How is a video on the Internet different from a video on a dating app or from a coworker? You like her? Go be with her.
Women I think are wired different. The way we care is different but I think that’s true for a lot more than sex anon. I wouldn’t settle for your sake.

No. 287744

My bf doesn't watch porn either, he doesn't seek it out specifically, but there is still women everywhere on the internet, it's basically impossible to avoid and he definitely looks at those and takes his time to hover over the images or open videos people send him of women that are doing thotty dances etc. Personally I ignore that stuff, like all the husbando threads on here I just scroll past, I don't care to look at some shirtless dudes that are being posted. It won't make me stop scrolling to get a better look at them. I don't think about them in a sexual way. But men are different, they see a half-naked woman doing a dance on tiktok or twitter or whatever and they are going to look and feel lust. Same in public when there are a lot of women walking around half-naked in booty shorts or braless in the summer time, men will still look and think about what sex with that woman would be like. They are just animal-brained like that. You can have sex with your man every day and suck him off on top of it and he will still look at a woman in the grocery store wearing yogapants bending over. It just sucks to know they are always thinking of what it would be like to be with someone else now matter how perfect you try to be for them.

No. 287747

they only think like that of women they find attractive (aka "fertile") and honestly I do the same with dudes so that's fine by me. I'm more worried about finding a pornfree bf, seems impossible.

No. 287749

I know other women think like that about men too, but I don't. I don't want to fuck anyone else but him and I wish he felt the same way. It just hurts my feelings knowing I will forever be in a relationship with someone who wants other people but "controls himself" because he can't have that.

No. 287751

I don’t know. My boyfriend openly gets frustrated when he attempts to open Instagram and one of the niche hobby girls is blasting only fans shit all of a sudden and he has to unfollow. He’s vented to me a couple times about how it’s annoying that it’s everywhere and we’ve had conversations about how stuff like that breaks women into more categories and how gross it is. You’re right though it’s everywhere and you have to actively avoid it.

No. 287752

Honestly I think they are just bothered by it because it excites them and makes them think about sex and that distracts them from what they were doing. But that's also because their animal brains can't help but look and be excited by it. It wouldn't bother them if they just scrolled past and didn't think much of it, but every time they see a naked/sexualized woman their monkey brain goes "ooga booga I want sex now".

I also think that it's on purpose that men are constantly exposed to porn and "sexy women" content all over the internet, I think it's to keep men weak and docile and addicted to porn. Companies use it to their advantage, the government also benefits from having their citizens all be easily controlled brainwashed coomer cattle. Part of it is also just because men enjoy it I think. Just look at 4chan and how there is porn on every single board. They can't even talk about their hobbies without having porn everywhere. They can't go 5 minutes without getting their dicks hard.

No. 287753

>can't not look at a fertile female
Meanwhile they want to buttfuck more than anything and would go for a tranny it if passed half decently. Muh fertility based instincts are what make me look at others.

No. 287754

“They are making PORN by raping women, so men can be docile and weak (like women)!” is a classic Jordan P. tier conservatard lie. Men are creating this content for themselves, they are choosing to make it and propagate it because they enjoy it. Men will masturbate to rape on tape and blame some imaginary straw man (the Jews, the elites, the succubi, the new world order, etc) when their dicks stop working. You’re right about them probably getting distracted like animals, they have dog brains after all. Read “pornography” by Andrea Dworkin

No. 287756

>Read “pornography” by Andrea Dworkin
200€ on Amazon… wtf

No. 287758

Here you go (I’m a boomer pls no bully)
<iframe src="https://archive.org/embed/PornographyMenPossessingWomenAndreaDworkinPdf" width="560" height="384" frameborder="0" webkitallowfullscreen="true" mozallowfullscreen="true" allowfullscreen></iframe>

No. 287761

based, thank you nonnie

No. 287762

I don't know man, if it's imagining yourself fucking the other person then I am certain I know plenty of guys that don't do that, but it's just having the brain start firing something then it seems impossible not to, men or women. Or maybe I've never been so in love that it happened to me.

No. 287764

It doesn't happen to me. I also don't think men can look at an attractive woman or a porny image on the internet and not imagine having sex with her. I have been on male dominated sites on the internet for a long time and the way they talk about women is utterly disgusting, it's not just the "Imagine the smellz" memes they post, they openly talk about how they follow women with a nice ass around in public to watch it as long as possible and imagine how she would moan etc.

Sometimes I fall into this pit of despair where I think "if only I was prettier/hotter/had a nicer body then maybe my boyfriend would be so attracted to me that I would become the only one for him." like it's my fault for not being good enough that he can't stop looking at other women and it just sucks. Like I never catch him staring at me or looking at me while I am doing something, I guess that's because he is used to my presence and I am not "new" anymore. Idk. It makes me think about getting older and less attractive, while attractive women on the internet will always be young and beautiful. I will never be able to keep up and just be his ugly old wife he is now bound to while he will still want to bang 18-22 year olds. Like what if our children are teenagers and they bring home their friends, will my husband oogle the attractive teenage girls that my kids are friends with? Will he imagine sex with them and have to hold himself back? This shit really makes me want to rope.

No. 287765

I have read some horrible reddit posts of men admitting that they are attracted to their daughters teenage friends and think of them in sexual ways

No. 287766

Maybe but I’ve never got that vibe from him specifically, but he’s also the dude that threw drinks at creeps when we were friends and has told other dudes to not be freaks so? I do think you’re right about a lot of men, and I’m prepared to be wrong about mine. But that’s why I have my own money and ability to leave if he starts doing moid lite shit.

No. 287770

>I'm more worried about finding a pornfree bf, seems impossible.
Not that difficult, dudes can be retrained gradually to jerking off using their own imagination and removing porn entirely

No. 287775

Maybe I should have been more gradual with my ex, I didn't really know how to deal with it so I just left him. I still miss him quite a bit tbh.

No. 287776

I understand you and the OP but you can't tell me all 4 billion men on this planet think and act the exact same way. Be realistic. What you're looking for is really not that rare or uncommon. It's like looking at all the women who do porn and onlyfans and believing all women want to be porn stars or sex workers. The internet is fucking up your perspective on things.

No. 287780

If it's not that rare and uncommon how come I have never met a man who is completely and totally devoted to only his gf and also never met any other women who have boyfriends like that? I have had a guy in the past who was absolutely obsessed with me, I wasn't interested in him at all, but he chased me for years and thought I was the perfect woman in every way, he idolized me to kind of a creepy degree, but even he still watched porn and talked about attractive women he wanted to fuck that were not me. So even if you got a guy totally obsessed with you they still separate sex completely. While they love one woman, they want to have sex with all women that are attractive to them. It's just something women don't tend to separate while men do. 99% of men consume pornography every day despite being in happy relationships and marriages.

No. 287784

I don't know what to do, it's my first time posting here and already I feel so guilty about it. I've been with my bf for 5 years and over time things have just changed, I know it's normal but.. he doesn't really ever call me beautiful anymore and the biggest problem is that he never wants to leave his house and he's always staring at a screen. Like I'll go over and all he ever wants to do is watch TV or movies on the couch. I've told him over and over again that I'm not happy with this and that even just once every few weeks it would be nice to go out on a little date or even just a walk and we never do. And every time he reassures me that things will change and they never do I feel so retarded for taking his words as gospel when they dont line up with his actions. It's like he cares so little about everything except the shit he does on his computer like video games. I suspect that he's depressed but shit I'm depressed too and I still make an effort to always be the one to go to his house and try to get out and do stuff.
I feel so unhinged about this it's like a silent problem that's been building in my heart for so long and at this point I think Im really unhappy even though he hasn't done anything really wrong… I just want to feel validated and do fun stuff like other people our age are doing. I worry that I might be wasting my youth just sitting around in his room with him, but I still care deeply about him and think he's really attractive. I have no idea what to do.
I've been hit on by other guys that I know who offer me money, designer and trips to fun places (I hate the city I live in) and sometimes I wonder if I would be happier doing that. It doesn't help that my friends and mom disapprove of my bf as well because they don't think he's good enough for me. I feel like such a fool. I love him so much but I feel like he takes advantage of my obsession for him by never listening to what I want. God I'm so fucking depressed over this I need to just make up my mind if I want to be with him or not but I can't. I feel like I'll never find another guy as good as him, but I know it's wrong for me to be feeling so unhappy with him. fuck

No. 287788

From personal experience this will probably not change. Men start to get lazy and complacent in relationships very fast and the compliments and the effort stops completely.

No. 287792

Thank you, nice to hear from someone in a similar situation. You seem to have a healthy relationship! This is exactly what I want as well. But he keeps talking to his fangirls.
I trust him most of the time.. But a part of me does not. I'm still figuring out if I can or not. Not sure yet if my intuition is trying to tell me something, or if I'm just simply insecure.
He's very polite and friendly to anyone and everyone, though I haven't seen him flirt with them. He says he can't be too blunt with his fangirls because he doesn't want to hurt them, that's his greatest fear. He has to keep contact with them to avoid making them feel bad, he says.. Makes me feel like he cares more about their feelings than mine.

No. 287793

Perhaps it's time for an ultimatum, nona? If he doesn't get his act together, leave.

No. 287801

You're right.. but I don't know how to even phrase it or start that conversation with him. When it comes to things like this I feel literally brain dead and just trapped with him forever. I guess it's partially my fault things got this way. I'll try to think of something to say
I'm coping so hard by telling myself he's just going through a rough phase and that him texting me all day is enough effort to sustain a relationship. But it's been like this for at least 2 or 3 years now, fuck me. I'm sorry you went through the same nonna

No. 287807

Do breaks or time apart really help couples?

No. 287812

>Do breaks or time apart really help couples
With semi-relationships, sure. Marriages or long, stable ones… From what I've seen, it's unlikely.

No. 287816

Okay, but what about all the men who are completely devoted to their gfs/wives but aren't shouting it from the rooftops or aren't terminally online to be posting about it? Majority of the men I've met are shit too, but I realize I've only met a small portion of them.
>99% of men consume pornography every day despite being in happy relationships and marriages.
A lot of them do, but it's nowhere near 99%, come on.
Also, I'm not trying to defend men, but I hate the people who bitch and moan about their nigel. What you want is out there, but not if you settle for men who jerk off to porn and follow 5000 instagirls.

No. 287824

Yes but not if that’s the reason your breaking up. Long breaks and then retrying after you’ve both grown as people is a big part of it. I’d also say no with marriages and long term relationships you already live together too.

No. 287828

My boyfriend keeps hitting me with the "I'm not good enough for you" or "I don't bring enough into the relationship" and related stuff, I'm never sure how to reply to that or basically what to do. I'm pretty good financially and have plenty of free time to basically work from home and take care of minor chores around the house. I do earn more money than him but I just… don't care? It's not really an issue for me. I do love him for who he is and I love being with him, he's been very supportive until now, but I feel that this kind of insecurity just rubs me the wrong way. Has anyone been through something similar? Please help.

No. 287838

Scrutinize him on why he feels that way so you can know where it’s coming from. It’s not your responsibility to fix his insecurities, but you should understand why he thinks this way, and if it’s something you can offer support for, then maybe you can help in some way. He should deal with that on his own mostly though, if you’re not doing anything to cause it, and it’s him being overly emotional, then he should work on that himself. If he’s lacking some sort of achievements, then maybe he should get involved in some sort of productive, or creative activities he can do on his own, or with you. If he feels like he doesn’t offer you as much as you offer him, then maybe he should work on being a better lover in whatever ways you think would make both of you feel better. If it’s an issue of him comparing himself to other people, for whatever reason, then he needs to understand that every relationship is different, and won’t look the same way. If you’re both happy, and able to work well together, then he should be content. But still, he has to focus on his own mentality, and you shouldn’t bend over backwards if his reasoning seems irrational, and there isn’t a way to meaningfully change his mind. His insecurities could also lead to destructive behavior at some point, so it’s best he changes in lasting ways, and there isn’t a doubt in his mind about things.

No. 287846

Some of the best advice on here. All I came here to say.

No. 287849

Yeah, you’re right, it’s closer to 100%. No way there are 3 million non-coomer men in the US. The math is off!

No. 287862

>A lot of them do, but it's nowhere near 99%, come on.
What makes you think that? I find it hard to believe anything else considering every man has porn 5 seconds away on his phone on top of it being normalized, even encouraged and highly addicting.

No. 288003

Well, to be fair, I think nonas are forgetting the severely disabled men who are in wheelchairs and can't do anything. So we have to account for them somewhere.

No. 288010

As long as they are not blind they have found ways to watch porn too. And the blind ones just listen to porn ASMR

No. 288012

Potato men watching porn. Who knows?

No. 288015

Disabled men are also one of the biggest client groups for prostitutes.

No. 288017

My husband promised me before we got married he wouldn't look at porn because to me thats a boundary I can't accept to be broken. I told him I would leave him if he did. Well we are only a couple of months into our marriage and he has found ways to do it that he thinks don't count, like he just happens to be on websites with pornographic images, he doesn't jerk off to them but to me it still counts. I asked him to stop, he promised he would. He apologized. He's still doing it. I am 9 months pregnant and honestly just want to kms. I feel so so so stupid.

No. 288022

Male retards & cripples are not your friends. The government (or parents, depending on how cucked his boymom is) literally pays so they can go on rape trips. If you spend even a non-substantial amount of time on male dominated places online, you will see a photo or two of male tards surrounded by tens of half naked foreign, impoverished women. For every prostituted woman who can afford to say no to this, there are 10 who can’t. And there are absolutely none who will not be severely traumatised from a conjoined twin with downs forcing himself on her, but if you ask disability activists they suffer so much more than them wahmen folk. They will rape you and then yell at you for oppressing them. If a male is functional enough to blink, there is no evolutionary reason he wouldn’t be functional enough to be a sex pest. Males are cancer cells that have no aim but to fuck, existing despite not being or wanting to be capable of fucking is against their very nature. You could take this further and say that every non-sterilised male cripple is a menace upon society, whether they spend their few waking moments angry at the fact they can’t fuck or raping impoverished women with the help of the state, if you weren’t afraid of the “hate speech” brown shirts showing up at your doorstep.
So no, even if you’re dating a blind-deaf man (wtf?) you can be sure the state/his family tried to get some poor woman to suck his smegma encrusted dick. There are even campaigns for creating rape on tape for men with various disabilities to coom to, the most popular being audio for blind scrotes.
So no, your Nigel hasn’t stopped watching porn because you nicely asked him to. If he can, he will. The reason previous generations had a substantial amount of men who didn’t is because there were a substantial amount of men who didn’t have internet connection. Things have changed a lot, some millennial women just don’t get how bad it is even if they’re very close to us in age. I’m a zoomer and I can tell you that I never had a male classmate who had reached puberty but didn’t. I could swear on a bible in court.

No. 288024

Anon I’m so sorry but I don’t know what to say. He has no reason to stop because he already baby trapped you. You can’t undo the damage that’s already done, so I would opt for the next best thing that is divorce. I hope your baby never has to have a coomer for a father, it’s not too late.

No. 288027

I don't want to be a single mother

No. 288029

Enjoy being a femcuck for the rest of your life then.

No. 288030

I guess so

No. 288044

I was actually not aware of this. I just figured since they were potatoes, they just sat there and did nothing. Yeah, I appreciate the info too.

No. 288071

This is what they do. I don't have kids but I'm in my thrities so alot of my friends do and as soon as that baby is in you they see it as their ticket to get away with shit because you desperately want to keep the family together, like >>288027
This is the exact thought they take advantage of. I know women who have stuck it out for a few years. Fought about broken promises and broken boundaries but fought to stay together for the sake of the baby. They still end up a single mom at the end. You're between a rock and a hard place and theres no win once pregnant by a man like that. I hate that men default to this gross shit time and again.

No. 288084

I feel like my only choice at this point is just to emotionally distance myself as much as I can and build up an inner wall so he can't hurt me anymore.

No. 288134

Does he have any moral views on porn, or did he just promise you he wouldn’t watch it based on a surface level idea of what you wanted?

No. 288135

can you give the baby up for adoption?

No. 288138

I hope this is a joke/troll. There are enough damaged children in the system.

No. 288140

nta but anon has a point. It's very doubtful OP would take such a measure but adopting out directly to loved ones or even finding a couple independently is an option and the child wouldn't have to go through the system (if that's legal where she is anyway).

No. 288144

File: 1663180570703.jpg (71.44 KB, 903x630, Tumblr_l_5708999365849113.jpg)

i don't understand why i can't behave as myself around my bf. we've been together for 3 years, he was my first, i'm not afraid of my bodily functions around him, i even take baths with him in the bathroom so i feel less lonely, but when i want to do super specific shit i have always done without anyone else seeing (2 things. 1 is sewing because i am shit and concious about it and 2 is taking detailed pictures of items i bought so if i ever lose them i miss them less) i just can't do it! and now i have a pile of items i need to finish sewing and stuff i need to take pictures of, but i can't. i'm hoping he'll leave and go somewhere soon, though he works from home, so i don't know.. why am i like this?? but i am also starting to blame him bc he nags on me about the piles, not because they're giant, but i guess because he knows i just can't do what i usually do? or does he just think i am lazy? but i don't feel lazy, i feel uneasy doing it around him. fuck.

No. 288148

Be in different parts of the room, or try sewing somewhere in public if he doesn’t leave. Like go to a library

No. 288149

I'm the same as you, I hate doing anything productive when there's somebody else at home, I have no idea why, it's not like they are bothering me or anything, I just need the apartment to be completely empty.

No. 288162

And? If I don’t like how the baby comes out into the failbaby bin (orphanage) it goes.

No. 288297

Just ask him to step outside for a bit, go for a walk, meet up with a friend, go shopping etc so you can finish up some projects cause you feel self conscious doing it with him around

No. 288318

>sex workers
You’re allowed to say prostitutes here, anon.

No. 288322

You’re fucked up and should be ashamed of yourself.
Sex isn’t a human right and it’s fucked up you act like it is. There are thousands of people who don’t have sex and they are just okay. If those people you’re helping rape a prostitute can’t get a sexual partner on their own, they shouldn’t have sex. Saying people are “Denying intimacy” because no one wants to have sex with them without being paid is literally scrotespeak.

No. 288325

Ntayrt, but that's still immoral. Sure, most people desire intimacy, but facilitating a market for sex work like this is wrong. It doesn't matter if your clients are women, if they're disabled, if they're kind people, or they're seemingly incapable of hurting a sex worker. That doesn't make it any better that you're organizing a market of people so they can use and degrade other peoples bodies for their own personal gratification. That's what makes sex work wrong, it degrades a persons intimacy and body down to a commodity, which is dehumanizing. Disabled people don't get a pass. Women don't get a pass. It's overall wrong.

No. 288330

Lolicons turn out to be real pedos all the time, especially if they're into a more realistic style (which in some cases are revealed to be traced off of real kids.)
>Be better than moids, not as retarded as them.
Not being a pedo is already being better.

No. 288340

That’s disgusting and you’re disgusting. Sex isn’t a human right and you buying people like products is vile. I don’t even have anything else to say to you. You’re absolutely morally bankrupt.

No. 288341

NTA but the prostitutes are the fucking problem. You buying humans like meat for people and claiming it’s okay because their disabled. You miss that what you’re doing from the start is fucked disabled client or not

No. 288343

Sex and intimacy isn't a human right, you are not going to die if you don't get them.

No. 288344


No. 288734

i come in a time of great need. i met a guy recently at a club and we made out multiple times and i know it sounds crazy but I got attached. I got his contact info and I messaged him saying let's meet up. five days ago he responded but at the time i was doing work and on my period. now i'm not and i really want to reach out to me but something about it feels wrong. there's something about him that made me loose my morals and i'm trying my best to not reach out. but i feel the opportunity will go away completely. It's killing me inside and we haven't even had a proper conversation. its a monday for me now and I said let's try monday but neither of us have reached out. I know im not reaching out because of rejection but idk about him he seems like a fuckboy all together i'm losing my mind and I cant concentrate on anything else. how should i go about him i

No. 288735

you met at a club…

No. 288736

yeah i know and that's why i feel like i'm so doing something so risky

No. 288745

There will be other dicks… He's not special.

No. 288748

What’s the sauce of this painfully 2000s photo?

No. 288900

>I don't even believe age regression is real
I wish it wasn't. It makes me feel like a dirty and useless product of my csa.
It came up in the first place because he was criticizing ddlg-fags and we never had piv-sex during, just made out and stuff. I did briefly think this, like maybe he enjoyed it and panicked. He's religious and isn't into kinky stuff. Plus the whole sexualization of children thing… But at the same time if he enjoyed it I think it was more because of me than anything else, not the regression. Hope that makes sense
You're right but we are on a break. I never outright said no so I can't bring myself to blame him for assuming I was open to "experimenting". I thought it was obvious tbh but men are dumb. Plus he stopped it all by himself so, at least he realized eventually it was shitty. I'm also embarrassed so don't feel like confronting him and having him throw it back on my face defensively or wtv.

No. 288909

Should it really be considered a red flag that my boyfriend watches weird porn occasionally given that I too read all kinds of fucked up hentai shit without him knowing about it?

No. 289011

It would make you a hypocrite if you consider it a red flag while thinking what you're doing is ok

No. 289079

My boyfriend has one internet friend he talks to a lot who I think is just not good influence for him. I had my suspicions this internet friend was someone who is extremely online and a lot of his and my boyfriend's DMs to each other are what you'd expect from edgy 4chan veterans always trying to "out edge" each other.
His internet friend cannot work because he's legally insane so he's going to be always connected online and I think that's a big reason why my boyfriend's so close to him.
I've talked to my boyfriend about eventually us detaching ourselves from the internet and focusing on IRL shit and I think this friend of his is the the thing really stopping him from fully committing to going IRL.
One thing I did notice between my bf and his friend's messages was the fact my boyfriend would throw in little white lies here and there to make his life seem a little more exciting. My boyfriend does not do drugs and I saw him telling his friend he got "high" to try to impress his friend. Him and his friend would occasionally send each other degenerate troon and femboy shit to each other for the shock factor of them looking like that and having penises.
I don't think he should stay friends with someone like that. Like, I do hear them voice chatting a lot and it's not about degenerate shit like that 99% of the time, and I think he can definitely find better friends to talk about interesting things and bond over normal shit and not have to exaggerate or lie about themselves to have a good time and still be able to enjoy each other's company. This friend is just Online and that's all he'll ever be it seems.
I know how hard it is to lose online friends, especially after dealing with so many groups of friends and there's a lot of online friends I've had who were just as bad if not worse than this friend he has now, eventually it gets boring and real life gets in the way and I find real life friends to do real life things with. Which I'm glad my boyfriend is increasingly spending nights focusing on me and him and not him and his friends. I'm being patient with him, but I think I just have to approach him about his friend. I don't really know how to word it. I think I am going to have to upset my boyfriend, I don't want to, but I want him to understand this is for his mental betterment.

No. 289084

sounds like you both need to stop being unhealthy pornsick coomers. maybe try to become better people together or accept that if you're a degenerate you're going to attract shitty men.

No. 289086

>Him and his friend would occasionally send each other degenerate troon and femboy shit to each other for the shock factor of them looking like that and having penises.


No. 289087

he'll probably troon out soon, the 4chan edgelord to troon pipeline is very real and if he's sending femboy/trap/troon memes to his terminally online male friend i'd say that's an enormous red flag.

No. 289089

My boyfriend also had a group of shitty terminally online scrotes that he talked to regularly. While he wasn't doing gay shit like talking about femboys he was telling a lot of lies to get reactions out of people. However he realized how unhealthy it was on his own and shortly after we started dating he deleted his discord. Your boyfriend is an adult, he knows this friend is a shitty person but he probably wants to keep talking to him because it makes him feel better about himself. That's probably why he's making stuff up, to further the narrative that his life is 'so much better'.

No. 289091

If that friend's genuinely legally insane that'd be enough reason for me to demand he breaks off the friendship.

No. 289096

That's pretty much what I'm getting out of their friendship. I think I need to emphasize on unhealthy internet habits and friendships. I've already told him one of his friends was demanding and he has kinda settled down talking to that friend.
Since meeting my boyfriend, I don't even use the internet as often as I used to and he's observed this. He knows he wants to be more offline, he's said this multiple times and I think this friend shouldn't be around to make him feel good, he's like a rope trying to drag him down with him.
I really hope not. Ive had an ex troon out once before and he knows this. Him and another online friend who he considers his best friend talk about troon insanity often. It's mostly just this one friend who is like a doorway to the degenerate side of the internet he keeps around for that factor. For the fact he's legally insane,
I have a belief my boyfriend is afraid to make this guy upset for the fact he's so online. I've seen his friend try to DM him during times we would spend nights away from the computer together and my boyfriend would indirectly respond in annoyance "Shut up, I'm busy." Not trying to indicate I Can Fix Him, but I may need to directly ask my bf his opinion of this internet friend of his and how his presence affects his well-being.

No. 289097

An adult man making up lies to impress an online friend who is some 'legally insane' perma online loser is not normal. I think alot of us have had that one friend growing up who makes up some white lies to sound more interesting but anyone doing that as an adult to impress a purely online friend.. I'd be very wary of anchoring yourself to a man like that.

Getting him to end the friendship is a start but.. is this guy even someone you want to try and make a future with? is he functional in other areas? Is he diagnosed with anything that'd explain that type of arrested development? There's a reason why hes drawn to insane people and lying to them for attention. That's worrying in itself.

No. 289106

I'm married but a couple years back I casually flirted with a guy and now I can't get him off my back. He triangulates me with multiple women he dates (he's a narcissist and in the long drawn out process of a divorce). Sometimes I can feel these women side-eyeing me but they don't get that we're not involved and in fact never even officially dated. How do I get all of these people off my back? I don't want to get in contact with this person but I know they snoop on me..do most women understand that its not normal to be triangulated or are there a lot of kind of dumb people that go along with the whole villain narrative a narcissist will conduct?

No. 289109

I lost all interest in sex. I always had a very low libido but now it's been a whole year since me and my boyfriend last slept with each other. I don't know why but just thinking about anything sexual makes me feel tired and annoyed. It is not that I don't want to have sex with him anymore, I just don't want to have any sex at all and I also don't masturbate anymore.
I don't even know how to explain this to anyone and I am afraid that my bf will leave me. Maybe it is that I am so stressed out from work and uni all the time.

No. 289111

The only excuses I have for my boyfriend was he used to live in a very small rural town about 120 miles away from any bigger cities for almost 3 years and worked part time. Before that, he was raised by a drugged up parent majority of the time.
He never told me this, but I have seen messages between him and his best friend days before he met me about how life didn't feel worth living anymore.
Something about meeting me committed him to get his act together enough to save up money in a few months to move out to the city I live in and get himself employed full time and pick up hobbies that don't involve an internet connection.
I see a future with him. My best friend was shocked first meeting him and it was because he reminded her of how she used to be a few years ago when she was a hermit. With the progress he's made since we met, it seems certain he is getting tired of the internet friendships he's hanging onto. Now that I think of it, that was one of the first things we ever talked about was dropping internet friends.

No. 289202

I feel this so much nonna. Every once in a blue moon I get horny as fuck though and it is so much fun. I've got a doctor's appointment scheduled to check my hormone levels. I'd start there. Also you might be totally right in thinking work-related stress is the culprit. We also may just have low libido and that should be ok but I totally understand the worry that your bf might leave.

No. 289204

Are you still attracted to him though?

No. 289218

guy i have a crush on blocked me from seeing his instagram story and it hasn't even been two weeks. what did i do and what do i do. idk he seemed kinda into me but he has a gf but the thing is he made it seem like he was single.

No. 289226

He has a girlfriend. That’s why he blocked you. Leave him alone.

No. 289227

I think you're being unfair to be upset. You broke up with him and he probably still likes you and he wants you back. He is also lonely, I suggest you decide wether or not you truly want to work things out with him. I say if the tinder profile hurt I think you actually still like him. I suggest you come to terms with what you truly want with him instead of sending mixed signals.

No. 289228

if he had a gf you'd think he'd keep his hands to himself and not makeout with youcand call you multiple times afterwards

No. 289230

If you knew he had a girlfriend you think you’d have self respect and not be obsessing over a dude who picked his girlfriend over you since that’s been the song and dance of men since the dark ages.

No. 289246

bf and I were set to move into a new place together 3 days from now. I'm still working with the apartment manager because the paperwork hasn't been approved yet, not sure why. My bf just revealed he plans to back out on me and doesn't want to move in together after all. He was waiting until after my birthday to tell me. I'll be homeless at the end of the month if I don't make it to the new apartment, which I can't afford on my own because it's a 1 bd (I'm currently in a studio). I already gave move out notice here and already paid holding fees on the new place. He's having anxiety because his ex gf was a borderline psychopath and after he moved in together with her she went crazy. He also has diagnosed anxiety disorder but like, everyone has problems, I have problems too. I deal with it.

He says he is going to help me fix this financially but I don't see how he can, and we've been dating 2 fucking years. I feel shitty for being judged by his experience with a shitty ex, and feel betrayed that he was sitting there mulling over his intent to fuck me over this entire time and lied to my face and let me take on all the financial risk for it. He just told me by text 5 minutes ago and I'm still kind of shocked.

He's coming over tonight to talk about it but what the fuck do I do? I sincerely like this stupid anxious asshole and don't want to dump him but this is pretty big on the betrayal scale. He doesn't get that by being nervous about maybe ruining our relationship by moving in together he is definitely ruining it in the big final way. I'll never be able to trust him again and now it feels like wasting time being with him if he'll never commit to anything. I'm going to try to convince him to try living together. If he really backs out I don't see how I can continue to see a guy who has no intent to commit and keeps comparing me to his ex and doom-mulling. I don't want to go back to tinder and I don't want to be alone but how can you do that to someone. I'm going to be on the street in a week. And if I don't move my current place is jacking the rent up anyway so I'm fucked either way.

No. 289251

Yeah I think it’s important when he comes over that you let him recognize the severity of the situation. I get that he has anxiety and maybe even trauma from his last gf, but if he knew that was the case he shouldn’t have agreed to move in with you unless he was absolutely sure he could handle it (or even just told you about his reservations beforehand and not last minute). I remember hearing the phrase ‘your mental illness is not your fault but it is your responsibility’ and I thought it was so apt. It’s not his fault that he has anxiety from that past relationship, but it is his fault that he never openly discussed his reservations until moving in with you until the last second. I understand your reasons for wanting to stay in a relationship with him, but I think it’s important he realizes that the reason you’re upset isn’t because he won’t move in with you but that he wasn’t open about how he was feeling and chose to hide it from you. Otherwise, he’s going to think you were upset because he didn’t want to move in and then possibly agree to move in just so you won’t be mad at him anymore and the whole cycle is going to repeat.

That being said, I would be absolutely pissed if I were you. I think you can feel it out tonight and see whether he actually seems to care about what he did and recognizes that what he did was fucked up. Otherwise yeah, I don’t think you want this to be a recurring pattern in your relationship and might as well cut your losses now. Some of my friends who are flaky as fuck because of anxiety frustrate me when they don’t understand how that impacts everyone else. I can’t even imagine if it were for a decision as huge as moving into a place together.

No. 289254

I think when he comes over tonight you need to very plainly explain to him how this is affecting you and your relationship. It’s tempting/understandable/fairly deserved to go down the path of chewing him out but if you do that he will more than likely tune you out and it’ll ‘prove’ him right about his fears. You need to make him understand the immediate gravity of you facing homelessness, how it’s a massive betrayal for him to pull out at the last minute, and how this will completely destroy your trust in him as he is not a reliable partner. Getting cold feet on big life changes is understandable but it’s not fair to you for him to automatically assume you’re just like his ex. He will never get over his anxieties if he never makes the effort to change. Unless you can smack some sense into him by tonight I would really recommend ending the relationship as he has show that he is not capable of being a good partner right now.

No. 289260

Samefag but also if he’s unwilling to work on his anxieties please don’t get caught up in the ‘eventually he will change’ spiral. I had an ex who I was hung up on for years because he had been the best boyfriend I had had while we were doing the easy stuff, but made several very big life decisions without me and dumped me shortly after. It was a massive betrayal and I carried a torch for so long for someone who pretended like they could be a long term match but couldn’t actually show up when it was important. You will find someone who is kind and treats you the way you deserve, and WILL make you a priority.

No. 289262

my ex used abused and chewed me up and spit me out. he infiltrated my home and work life and is running my familys office, even after it came out that he had been lying and cheating for months. i keep getting nightmares reliving the trauma. now i find out the girl who he was cheating with took him back. not that i really care but it’s just another slap in the face. i was wondering if anyone had suggestions on how to fight against getting ptsd symptoms with this.

No. 289264

We've texted a bit already. I've tried not to be too spicy but I'm pretty angry. Basically 8 months ago I proposed moving in together. He dragged his decision on it out for 2 months without telling me his conclusion, i was under the impression he would say yes until he came back with a last minute no (said anxiety blah blah he wasnt ready yet), which left me with no time to find a new place myself, so I had to stay in my apartment even though they were jacking up the rent. I felt betrayed but stayed quiet about it. Then this time he said he was ready to move in together. We've been apartment hunting the past month. I've put down the money from my account in good faith and knew i was the one taking on all the risk but gave him the benefit of the doubt.

He says he recognizes my problem (looming homelessness), but that isn't the same as having a solution for it. He says he doesn't want to ruin our relationship but I don't think I can stay with him if he backs out, if he's willing to wait last minute to betray me because he has cold feet. He's willing to toss out a 2 year relationship because he is afraid something might go wrong in the future, and in doing so he's ensuring the relationship is ruined. I feel like someone dumped cold water over my head.
I thought I finally found my life partner, we get along so well and have a lot in common, god I just dont want to have to enter the dating scene again. i feel like giving up on life. people used to get married at 17, now at age 28 they aren't even willing to rent an apartment together. I had to go on so many dates before I found this guy and everything otherwise has been so perfect. But if he really does back out like this won't I have no choice but to dump him? It's pretty much declaring he has no long term intent with me and is unable to commit.

No. 289266

I’d take it as a bad sign and wouldn’t continue long term. He’s proven himself unreliable. What about if you were pregnant and sick as shit? Would he be able to support you? Or… would it be about his feelings? If you got sick with cancer would it be about you or him? How hard it is for him? How scary? How supportive is he really anon? Not attacking. Genuine questions.

No. 289267

Samefag if he’s willing to leave you homeless now for his feelings. What else is willing to leave you for? If he picks his fears over you. That sounds like a decision making pattern and I’d leave.

No. 289269

Ayrt and if he’s already pulled this before but I would say you need to put your foot down and end things. I’ve been there before and really thought this guy was my soulmate but in the end you need to find someone where it won’t feel like pulling teeth to get them to commit. He was unable to express what he needed from you in order to make him feel more comfortable and also backed out at the last moment like a complete coward. The dating game today is so frustrating if you want a serious relationship but aren’t some religious weirdo. I’m really sorry he did this to you nonna and I hope you can find someone better.

No. 289292

After cheating is there anyway to regain trust back? How can people justify cheating and not feel any remorse? They were drunk and made out with a girl.

No. 289296

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My boyfriend and I have not said ‘I love you’ to each other yet because he’s not ready. While I do put more value in his actions than just saying the right things I still do not want to be with someone who cannot verbally express his feelings ever. We’ve been dating about 9 months. When we started dating he had just gotten out of a 5 year long relationship and I had just gone through a major death in the family. We got together under the assumption that nothing would turn serious but then it did. He says he’s not fully used to navigating a relationship like ours because his last relationship started in early high school. He said the L word to his last girlfriend very early on but he said it was much easier because he was 16 year old in puppy love. He has told me that he has feelings of love for me but he cannot bring himself to actually say it because the he ‘can’t take it back’. I’ve told him I was willing to take things slow and work on them with him, but I also tried to make it clear that I’m not going to put my life on hold and end up in a decade long convenience relationship either. Personally I feel like his actions do show that he loves me, but at the same time I’m starting to get anxious about how hesitant he is still. He says he psyches himself out and that he puts a lot of the relationship into question when he thinks about how hard it is to say it. I try and tell him that he’s putting too much emphasis on the words and that if he cares about me it shouldn’t get in the way of how we actually are together, but at the same time I don’t want to be waiting on someone’s emotional hangups so forever because they’re projecting old wounds onto me. I feel like a hypocrite as I’m the one who said I can give him time but I’m afraid we’re going to just end up in this loop forever. How should I approach this with him nonnies?

No. 289300

They're not worth the effort of rebuilding trust because they're unreliable. Allowing yourself to be in a reckless state of mind that led to cheating shows they don't care about controlling themselves, and that they think being messy is fun.

No. 289302

Are you directly telling him how upset these things he's doing are making you feel? If so, you have to stop completely. It sounds like he's hooked on getting a reaction out of you and trying to stay in your head. He will be getting nothing from you, even if an action he does does hurt you directly. This can help you heal as well. I know it sucks to keep it in, which does manifest trauma if you don't have someone to trust. If you can, have someone there to vent and ensure them they will not be contacting him either no matter how tempting it may be.

No. 289316

Is he making it your problem? It’s not yours to fix. It’s him. Do you want a relationship with the way he acts? Do you want to put up with his wishy washyness?

No. 289321

I honestly don’t get people like this, I love you is just a sentence, it’s not a marriage contract. He actually can take it back if he falls out of love with you, love can be a fleeting feeling. Every decent guy I’ve dated said it in like the first month of committed dating so I don’t get how one can date over half a year and not say it. It’s weird to make a big deal out of it and even talk about how it’s a problem for him. Really antiromantic. Maybe he just doesn’t love you, idk, it seems kinda shitty to me to how he even told you he told his last gf early in and so on. But tbh I’m single now so maybe my standards are too high and this is normal for a modern situationships.

No. 289335

I’ve done everything I can. i’ve told him he’s beyond fucked up for lying so deeply about every aspect of everything. we were in the middle of a huge sale when the lying and cheating was uncovered. found out thru a coworker, not from him. i’m so heavily embarassed. he’s not able to leave my office until at least december. my dad also put his narcissistic ass in its place. it’s just like so traumatic and disturbing to me that I keep thinking about it every day even though this happened in July. I’ve been in the hospital for suicidality and it’s still something i’m battling every day. There’s just something about what happened that showed me how worthless I really must be. I’ve been on several new dates and all, but I just can’t shake the feeling of worthlessness and sudoku-ing myself. I’ve been in therapy for a long time & get it once a week, but i really need help on what to do to completely move myself out of this hole.

No. 289338

Anon as of this moment. He is dead to you. He’s a freak. Monster. Defective walking testicle on legs. Treat him as such. Cold. Polite. No hatred. No anger. You’re talking to one of “those” and they don’t matter. You deserve good. You deserve better. He’s a fucked piece of shit.
Give him nothing. No emotions. No actions. Cute him out as much as possible and when he’s gone in December make sure he’s black listed by your company. No recommendations. He’s a con man and a swindler. He slept his way to the top like males do. (Nothing but projection). He’s the worthless one and the taking your power back for you will make him feel it more than anything.

No. 289339

you’re so right. he saw my money and dug his claws in. it’s beyond messed up. i’m just seriously still beside myself how this could happen to me. it’s hard not to blame myself. I haven’t said a word to him since end of july.

No. 289355

Prey don’t pick their predators. Predators pick their prey. You’re only fault was being in the wrong place at the wrong time and innocence. You trusted him. He was playing a game you weren’t. You can’t win like that. Use it as a learning chance and try to be kind to yourself.

No. 289369

Not really but I tend to get very anxious and pry. I’ve been trying to do it less with him but I still have my moments where I cross the line between open to digging. I don’t want to put up with this forever but he’s very consistent with other actions.
I don’t fully understand it either. I’m much more free with my ‘loves’ because in my eyes the present matters more than worrying about unknowns in the future. He’s said he’s very susceptible to becoming codependent as his previous relationships have been very focused on people pleasing and I think that’s why he’s pushing me away more. The way he describes past relationships is very immature imo, like it’s this all consuming obsession and that he and previous partners ‘were the same person’. I want to smack him sometimes and tell him that those are extremely unrealistic goalposts for me and that them being the “””same person””” was probably more due to his own self admitted codependency than any actual real long term compatibility. But I don’t think I can see that as I’ll just come off as jealous new girlfriend.

No. 289377

The guy I'm seeing confuses me so much. Not entirely his fault since I'm autistic and can't always read people. I value communication a lot but he beats around the bush, such as making multiple jokes about a friend he knows I've had sex with in the past before I eventually put 2 and 2 together and told him if he had any questions he could just ask. I had an absence seizure earlier today and when I came to, he seemed annoyed at me for ignoring him. He seems to think I was faking it cos I'm weird, which definitely rubbed me the wrong way. He's been strange and distant since and I eventually just asked him if he was angry, left on read. Before I went to bed, I decided to send another message assuring him that I just wanted to know so we could talk, come to an understanding and resolve it since him ignoring my intial question confirms that hes mad. Once again, left on read. It strikes me as immature and shows me a lack of consideration towards hiw I feel. I'm worried this attitude will negatively impact our relationship going forward. Am I being pushy here, or is he being kind of a dick? Its like earlier since we were meeting up I asked if I should pack a bag or if he wanted an alone night. He said he wanted to be alone and I said "fair enough". He then accused me of being in a mood and made multiple jokes about it, which confused me because I just wanted to know. I'm now wondering if he wanted me to ask to stay at his, which I would have liked to, but I'm not one to push boundries. If somebody says no I respect it and don't feel a need to change their mind. I think I'd just rather him be direct, because otherwise I overthink like I am now

No. 289387

The part about you having a seizure is serious, and he should’ve been understanding of that, and not take it personally. You weren’t ignoring him, you had a uncontrollable lapse of consciousness, so why would he think you’re making that up? If he thinks you’re faking it, then he’s kind of an idiot honestly, or he’s just too immature and not willing to be understanding. The part about him leaving you on read when you’re trying to understand if he’s mad is another sign he’s immature. It doesn’t seem like he’s understanding of your autism or neurological condition, so you should probably cut things off. This will definitely cause issues in the future if he can’t be understanding and up front with you.

No. 289403

Sorry if this is a redundant topic on here this is my first time posting about this in this thread. My moid said he has no reason to move in with me. Should we break up

No. 289404

Samefag, we’ve been together for 4 years now and we’re close. I have a rough home life and the stress gets to me a lot, it gets in the way of my education and I want to move out so badly. My moid knows and is aware of all my stress and frustrations, I was venting to him today and he said he wish he had a reason to move out and help me but he says he doesn’t. I’m a little annoyed right now. He’s fine with me having sex over a this house with his father and brother under the same roof but he couldn’t move in with me? Idk. I’m just confused and frustrated and kind of hurt. I feel alone in this situation.

No. 289405

I'm giving him a 6-month trial period, he acknowledged everything is his fault and it was extremely wrong of him, and he will see his therapist regularly again and is taking financial responsibility for what he did. I might be able to stay in my current apartment but I also found a backup. We had a very long talk and he acknowledges he needs to earn my trust back and actually solve his problems, not put off treating his anxiety issues. Basically he kept mulling over what-ifs because of a traumatic past experience, and his anxiety went haywire. It was only last week that he became overwhelmed. I verified that he actually had put in the application to the apartment and had meant to follow through, so he wasn't deceiving me for a month after all. I'm going to watch and see if he proves himself.

No. 289420

I should reword this, I mean have sex with my boyfriend while he’s living under the same roof as his father and brother. Idk I’m just messed up tonight

No. 289421

Your partner has no obligation to fix your life, but… If he loved you and cared about your quality of life he would help you move out. This just sounds like a relationship of convenience for him.

No. 289462

Yeah, you’re right. I also just have been wanting to move out with him so we could have a place together because it’d be nice, I guess from his wording it upset me. I’ll give this more thought

No. 289469

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Had dinner tonight, it started off really fun and well but ended up in our breakup. I’m tired and too pissed off to fully go into details but he gave me a whole spiel
>Anon I think you’re an amazing person and you’re very special to me
>I love hanging out with you
>I love being around you
>I love getting dinner and drawing with you
>I love making you laugh
>But I’m still hung up on my codependent high school girlfriend so I need to be alone now
I’m too angry right now to be fully heart torment but I’m just so sick of this self pitying attitude. Hate to say if but it doesn’t matter if you’re with someone or alone if you don’t make the steps at all to fix your shit. Kept brushing off therapy despite knowing you needed it again. Showing me all these caring gestures and romantic nights but you don’t think it’s love because we’re not codependent and you don’t get that high. It was barely two months after my FATHER HAD DIED and while I was terrified to open myself up while grieving that deeply I still did because I felt like you were special. I even started very intensive therapy because I knew that if I did not deal with my massive trauma and grief then I would ruin our relationship, and I’ve been getting much better because I’ve put the effort in on my own fucking time. I’m so fucking sick of this learned helplessness I’m a slave to my emotions bullshit. You will never find the love you crave or deserve if you keep feeling sorry for yourself.

No. 289501

Seeing the term "relationship of convenience" itt made me realize that's exactly what my parents have and pretty every adult couple around me in my childhood (lots of militaries around me), and I'm pretty certain that's impacted me in my formative years, I never saw couples being affectionate or holding hands in public, the only examples I saw were in Disney movies so I thought it wasn't real. It explains so much how I see love, romanticism and relationships, how eye-opening.

No. 289512

Is there a reason why my boyfriend has told a few of his friends I'm his girlfriend?
His friends he hasn't informed know I do exist, but I'm presented like more of a roommate.
However, the friend he's known for the longest who he's told me is his best friend knows we're dating and he's happy my boyfriend and I are together.
I don't get it much.
The only conclusion I can come to is the ones he hasn't told are because they have no romantic success, I think one is a virgin, and doesn't want to make his life seem better than theirs.
His best friend has had romantic success, to the point he was engaged for a few years. That fell through, however he's still fine letting him know we're dating and being openly romantic with me when this friend is around.

No. 289515

How long have you two been dating? I could only understand if it's a very early stage of the relationship and you're both not sure about it, otherwise it's really disrespectful and kinda suspicious.

No. 289521

Does he bring up the girlfriend by himself or did you mention her? I'm so sorry anon he seems like a dick head.

No. 289524

We've known each other for 5 months, I consider that the start of our relationship. To him I believe he considers the start of us dating when he moved in with me, which will become 2 months in a week. We didn't say "I love you" to each other until about 3 weeks of us living together. The ones he hasn't told know he moved in with me 2 months ago.

No. 289525

He brought it up and specifically said that because he could not get past her that he couldn’t be with me.

No. 289556

moids really will go out of their way to ruin their own life just so they can wallow in self pity. if he speaks fondly about his ex, leave him.

No. 289621

Does it need to be literally said when they know he's moved in with a woman though. I think most people can fill in the gaps there.

Anyway you could just ask instead of theorizing blindly. Have you? For all you know you could get a straight and plausible answer. And if you don't get a plausible answer well that tells you something too.

No. 289628

Boyfriend kissed a mutual friend when they were both drunk. I feel really sick but I want to stay with him. He's been so apologetic and it's clear it was a stupid drunk thing.

Her girlfriend is raging though and their relationship might be in trouble because she didn't stop him but has been clear that she didn't feel threatened or anything. if they break up, i feel like everyone will judge me if i don't. our r/ship is over 4 years, he's never done anything like this before and i really do believe him when he said how fucked he feels. He's promised to stop drinking etc.

I don't know. We have all mutual friends so i don't know who to talk to. Normally it'd be the female friend but I can't face it even though he's been clear he instigated it.

No. 289646

look at this >>289300

No. 289651

>if they break up, i feel like everyone will judge me if i don't
Your relationship is yours to make or break. Make a decision and stick to it. If you genuinely accept his mistake and want to stay with him, own it. Your friends can judge you all they want and if they decide to confront you shut them up instantly, it's your life. Personally I find the ability to forgive and move on much more admirable than giving way to social pressure.

No. 289679

The issue I've seen him send messages to this friends and the wording when referring to me is "my friend (name)". But yeah, I'm definitely going to ask him when I am home.

No. 289729

I don’t really feel anything for my boyfriend at this point. He’s good looking and we get along, I can be myself around him. we’re long distance though and I think that’s what’s killing it. I’m not interested in moving to him at all and he’s implied he would move to me, but I wouldn’t want that either because I’d feel trapped like I can’t ever break up if he moves states for me.
I should let him go so he can start trying to meet someone else, I shouldn’t waste his time. But I’m scared of regretting it, it took me so long to find a guy I was attracted to enough to date, I feel really hopeless about love and since I found something “good enough” I’m scared to let it go. I’d rather have “good enough” than end up with nothing

No. 289730

The easiest path would be to just break up as you seem very hesitant to go to the next level with this guy. It sucks trying to get anyone decent out there but it’s still better than a lifetime of feeling trapped.
On the flip side though, if you really don’t want to break up, what kept you from breaking up when you went long distance in the first place? Have you ever felt deeply for him past and things just got dull because of the distance, or have you always just felt lukewarm about him? If it’s the former then it’s possible when you get back together physically you can probably reignite some of that passion. I wouldn’t recommend an outright move to do this but maybe trying to visit each other more can act as a trial run. If it’s the latter and he’s always been just good enough I think you should end things and try and find someone in your area.

No. 289732

I’m pregnant and just got married less than a year ago. My husband used to be a major porn addict and I’ve even left him for it before. We went to couples counseling, marriage groups at our church (anyone could go) and used accountability apps until I felt like I trusted him enough to move in with him again. It was all his idea, too. I was over it but he really made me feel like I could trust him again. I’m having a really difficult pregnancy with SPD. My stretch marks are really extreme and I’ve had such severe pelvic pain and swelling I’ve barely been able to have sex and I’m really insecure about being seen naked… I randomly tried to initiate sex one night and he turned me down. I got a sick feeling that things were not adding up and I went through his phone. There was a lot of porn he forgot to delete in his browser and I’m positive that there was wayyyy more he did delete. I woke him up and confronted him to ask him if he was watching porn again and he SAID NO literally until I showed him proof (how can I ever trust him again that is 1000% infidelity in my opinion) and I know his problem is a problem because it makes him lose all attraction to me and he can’t even have sex. His cum is straight up different like I don’t want to know that but I do. It’s happened before. I’m 9 months pregnant and absolutely not okay. I keep feeling like I’m going to pass out or break down crying every time I think about it. At first my reaction was to try harder to have sex and overcompensate like it was my fault. It hurt really bad and I felt so resentful and disgusted with him after every single time. I hate that having sex with my husband could even make me feel that way. I used to have an ED and I’m struggling to eat because I can’t stop comparing myself to those other women. I resent marrying him and hate him for being a liar who ruined my body and doesn’t even want me anymore. I feel like he ruined my life because if I knew this would happen I don’t think I would have married him. I just have very deep religious convictions against pornography because I do think it’s cheating. It’s a loophole and it’s wrong. It’s psychological infidelity and I’m deeply wounded… I’m not against masturbation or anything I don’t care if he does it as long as he isn’t bonding to tons of other women through his orgasms. this was probably the worst time he could have done this to me.. currently he is gaslighting my emotions and acting like he never agreed that porn was cheating or wrong like he never took me to therapy or attended those marriage classes. He’s in utter denial about it being wrong or hurtful when years ago he was watching John Doyle and showing me research on why porn ruins men and hurts society in general. I don’t even know who he is anymore. Maybe I don’t need advice because obviously I think divorce would break me right now and scar my child but I definitely feel like I may end up leaving him someday. He watched hentai he’s probably a fucking reprobate… How will I get through this?

No. 289733

This is my first time posting so sorry if the format is wrong but I really wanted to share.
I was married to a man who is a porn addict for just over a year. I didn't know he was until 2 months into the marriage when I found thousands of porn images on his phone. I went through his Facebook and found proof he is bisexual as well (not something I'm comfortable with). We did the counseling and everything. It got worse and worse and he stole thousands of dollars from his family and me. I later found out he had slept with SEVERAL men. I am now in the process of getting an annulment of my marriage in the Orthodox Church under the grounds of deception due to his homosexual past. When I found out about his porn addiction I had the same instinct to have sex all the time. It does not work with these types and it never works, you can not help them and they will continue to lie and take your spirit from you.
> I definitely feel like I may end up leaving him someday
I had felt like leaving him for months and did when I was strong enough to, if you are strong enough and have some financial backing - that's what I would recommend. I'm so sorry this is happening to you.

No. 289735

How long have you been together?

No. 289740

Porn addicts literally never change. Once you find out a man is a porn addict you just have to leave immediately. Otherwise you're just signing up for a lifetime of micromanagement, resentment, and 0 progress. These men are broken and a waste of time.

No. 289774

Have any nonnas ever dated someone who had a codependent personality, specifically the giver archetype, while you yourself weren’t codependent? How did it turn out?

No. 289784

For starters, focus on your baby and focus on remaining pregnancy to be as least stressed as possible because soon your little one is going to need all your attention and you need to prep yourself for that.
Seems like you are in a tough spot with this dude, You are breaking boundaries going through his phone, he is just fucking around being addicted to porn. If porn is an emotional infidelity and that boundary is eroding or was never there needs to be therapy or a conversation refresher, but it sounds like this situation has been making you miserable from the start. Your child will appreciate a stable household, and you can provide it as a single person, do it from the start and the child will grow to understand and not care.

No. 289789


Thank you both, i have no idea where i'm at with it yet. just fucking sucks

No. 289925

My ex and I broke up few months ago, but stayed friends (kind of). We used to talk, he would text me first, all seemed normal. Then he would answer for ages and didn't text first anymore. So I stopped as well, for the most part - at first I would initiate a conversation sometimes, like once a week or more rarely (because I didn't really understand what had changed and why), then I just asked him a couple of questions only he could give answers to (mundane stuff related to the past) and that's it because it became apparent he doesn't want to talk for some reason. I presumed he decided to distance himself after all, although it didn't seem like it was so hard for him to process the end of our relationship (I was the initiator, and I had a good reason from my point of view) because he told me himself he started losing feelings for me even before that happened. And as I said, everything seemed fine, our relationships were mostly neutral-friendly as I saw it. Despite breaking up, I still care for him and all. So anyways, recently he suddenly deleted me from his friends list on social media. We haven't talked since the start of this month, nothing dramatic happened or anything. I kind of get why he could do that, but it's still… weird? considering how seemingly normal everything used to be. I actually thought of asking him why he got all quiet all of a sudden, then decided against it, and now I'm confused and want to ask what happened. But should I? Is it a good idea? Or it's better just to let go?

No. 289928

Let go and move on. Sucks but it be like that.

No. 289933

He might’ve been hoping for a reconciliation but recently realized it wasn’t going to happen. It sucks but you need to let him have his space.

No. 289938

Thank you for confirming what I suspected.

No. 289939

Thanks for answers, nonnas!
As for him hoping for reconciliation… well, I actually asked a couple of months ago if he wanted to meet up and talk about our relationships and all, but he said that he didn't want to meet yet and that he thinks it doesn't really work between us. I thought our conversations would die after that, but he started to text me more often and it was somehow livelier than before. But then this happened. That's why I got confused, but well, I don't know what he was thinking all this time. I guess even without wanting to get back together, it could've been hard for him to move on, we've been together for five years, there are lots of memories and all. And it's the same for me, it's just that I have a hard time letting go and can't properly distance myself, so I live with sadness and regrets that last for months and years. Well, time to unlearn this old stupid behavior.

No. 289941

In that case it sounds like maybe he as going back and forth on reconciling and then decided it was best to move on. Or he’s just very dependent on familiarity. Either way it’ll be best for both of you. You’ll find someone good for you nonna!

No. 290075

Idk if this is the right thread, but does any anon have experience with casual sex? Like talking to a guy on tinder and him coming over and you two fucking? Is it awkward? Is there an expectation that you'll continue talking? I just want a guy to fuck, and for him to leave and never have to talk to him again,like a male prostitute but free. Is that realistic?

No. 290076

You may end up with a fuckfugly scrote visiting from another state like I did and find out he's married the next day. lmao

No. 290079

File: 1664054899769.gif (158.54 KB, 640x400, tumblr_bb6cdf8d2dd5d56e0ac2afb…)

Thank you, nonna! I wish you something or someone good too, whatever is more relevant for you right now hehe.

No. 290080

Sounds like he started seeing someone.

No. 290081

It's realistic and easy since men are easy but think long and hard if and why you want to do it. Plenty of really attractive men are exactly into that, just having a casual sex and never interacting on any deeper level; from my experience it most of them would want to meet more than once if it's nice, but they would be just as eager to have it as one night stand, since men love just getting their hookups score up. On the most superficial level I'd say, make sure to be careful before you invite anyone to your home; nothing bad ever happened to me and most likely bad scenario is just disappointing sex but you can never be too careful. Hooking up in a hotel is a perfectly valid idea.
Now, once again, personal experience, spoilered bc it's just anecdotal for me it was really fun for a few months, eventually i got too bored, and as more time passed (and I started doing therapy lol) it really hurt my already almost non-existent self esteem; I was not aware at the time but I was feeding off that temporary attention, thinking I'm good and valuable because all of these men wanted to have sex with me, and as it sunk in I was just a number on their hookup list it really worsened my sense of value, to this day I still feel the only way I can be liked is if I'm available for every guy. It's just me, absolutely doesn't have to be you, but please make sure with yourself you're not going for it for the wrong reasons. Sorry if it sounds preachy, and I hope it's not the case for you

No. 290090

I'm not coming from a moralistic perspective because do what you want, but how do you guys psych yourselves up to do hookups? Just since you're talking about it.
If I'm in a space alone with a strange man I am acutely aware that he could murder or assault me. Even if it's a hotel/motel, there is no surveillance in the room and he could do what he wants. It's hard to blindly trust that a man will feel threatened enough by the law to not do anything. It happens all the time.

I'm not a misandry-anon and I do have male friends who I trust at least 80% (leaving room for safety). The risks just seem so high to me. But perhaps I am especially poor at reading character and other women are able to tell if a man is safe within a short span of time? I don't know.

No. 290092

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how do you deal with your partner's family potentially disliking you? i thought at first i was liked, but my boyfriend worked at his cousin's company working crazy ass amount hours for free, replacing the cousin who would take a lot of vacations, no pay, etc etc and ever since he met me, he has stopped doing those long hours, working the scheduled 40 hrs, not coming to work on his days off when he gets called last minute etc etc. Now the cousin fired him, and told him, and his family of workaholics that ever since he met me, he has changed. my bf had defended me and has taken my side but now i feel like shit that thats how they feel about me.
i want my bf to keep having a relationship with his immediate family at the least

No. 290094

I had two spontaneous hook ups resulting from social hangouts/parties progressing, but I had to be high and/or drunk to be ready for it. The first one was not great but was fine in terms of consent and safety, the second one I was raped. It happened at the beginning of this year and has completely ruined it for me. It can happen to any woman, by any scrote, and you don't have to be a misandrist to see this fact. I can never endorse or encourage hookup culture for any woman - it will probably not be satisfying you (most of your gratification will come from feeling desired, probably) but the risks are immense. I would only hookup with a guy I knew well and progressively over a few 'sessions'

No. 290096

I legitimately did not think about it at the time, I guess I was in a weird manic phase at the time as well; but even looking back at it I don't recall any potential red flags, it was pretty clear these men just want to have sex with no ties attached and I was there looking for exact same. I didn't meet them off dating apps though; it used to be spontaneous at some parties, often "friend of a friend of a friend" situation, I guess that's less threatening

No. 290097

First of all, your bf is lucky you came around and realize he's being exploited. As for being disliked, sometimes you can't help it honestly. Don't let this thought get into your head too much, continue as if you're convinced they like you every time you happen to meet, have your boyfriend on your side and if they're not insane they'll eventually come around and be happy for you two.

No. 290098

What does it mean when the guy you are dating says they want someone to take care of them?

No. 290100

At best they want a supportive, compassionate partner to be there even for hard times, and they reciprocate that same effort. Or at worst they feel entitled to a partner that acts like their mommy and maid, and they don’t want to take much responsibility for themselves.

No. 290106

Thanks for the advice nona. I don't think I'd be doing it for validation, but mostly because I want some dick. I haven't had sex in two years because I have difficulty opening up to people romantically. I actually am in therapy and meds for depression (which I hate admitting because it's been devalued with everyone going on about muh depreshun), but I'm pretty stable now. I miss physical contact and tbh I don't know if hooking up is for me but Ive been feeling the need recently.

No. 290111

I think if you're taking care of your mental health you should be fine then; I hope if it would be needed you'd be comfortable discussing it with your therapist too? But yeah, it's pretty easy to find a guy for a casual hook up so won't hurt to give it a shot and fingers crossed you'll have a good time!

No. 290122

Do moids always end up taking you for granted? My stupid fucking boyfriend of 3 years has been neglectful of me for the past 5 months.
All week we've planned to cook and cuddle with games and movies on the couch tonight, but his friends called a few hours ago and he decided to go out with them instead. No matter how much I tell him I don't feel prioritized or appreciated he just insincerely apologizes and "promises" to do better (spoiler: he just does the same shit again).
Can I fix this? Is this an inevitable part of dating men? This has happened with every man I've dated. I almost want to just solely date women again.

No. 290123

Honestly yes. I think once the novelty wears off men inevitably take their women for granted.

No. 290124

You will have this problem with women as well…my ex gf did this and she cheated on me. I'm not saying he's doing this to you but if you don't feel that he is changing his behavior please leave him since you do deserve someone that wants to give you that attention.

No. 290125

He finds time with friends more interesting than cuddle and cooking with you. You can't change one's true needs, you may just can start observe reality (like watch your economic country's situation or go study science or so).

No. 290135

how do I stop slapping my boyfriend

No. 290139

Are you joking, or are you doing it abusively?

No. 290142

lmao based

No. 290151

when upset

No. 290153

If you’re slapping him with the intention of hurting him, then that is abusive. You should seek counseling, or figure out some coping mechanisms to use when upset so you stop slapping him.

No. 290205

Just stop? Are you retarded or something? Do you have muscle spasms you can't control?

No. 290208

Can intense insecurity ruin what could’ve been a good relationship?

No. 290217

Depends on what you mean by insecurity, because some things that are labeled as insecurity in women are actually just normal reactions to degenerate shit their partner does. For example, getting upset over their partner looking at porn, ogling other women, etc. Imo, real insecurity is being constantly afraid your partner is going to leave you or is cheating on you for no reason, thinking you're not good enough for them, and so on.
Real insecurity can push your partner away because it shows you don't have trust in them, in yourself, and in the relationship.

No. 290220

Surprisingly I wasn’t the extremely insecure one in the relationship this time kek. Unfortunately my ex broke up with me a few days ago and I feel like it’s because a massive amount of insecurities are being taken out on me. I feel like he really loved me but couldn’t get over his own self hatred enough to fully accept that, like he didn’t deserve a good relationship. He would say shit like he was always so nervous around me and how he felt so guilty over his last relationship even though it was a shitshow. The breakup was very unplanned and I think was precipitated by me bringing up an issue and he blew it out of proportion and acting like because I didn’t agree with this particular thing that the entire relationship was doomed. He told me he needed to be ‘alone’ and when I was trying to leave because obviously he kept begging me to stay. I felt like he wanted me to fight for him and validate him but I’m not going to grovel for love. Everything I do for him should’ve been proof enough of how much I care about him. I really truly love him so much but stupid games stupid prizes.

No. 290228

He sounds like such a fag, and I'm sorry he wasted your time. A lot of men are massively insecure about their ability to keep their partner happy, but at the same time will expect you to throw a pity party and validate their lack of effort and care. And "fight for them" as you said.

You know, his type of insecurity is also a form of narcissism imo. Because it becomes all about him and how useless/pathetic he feels instead of about how much he loves you, how important the relationship is, and so on. It's a bit of a paradox; very low self-esteem can cause someone to only care about themselves and what they experience.

No. 290229

No. 290235

It hurts a lot because when he wasn’t throwing pity parties he actually was a really great partner. Very sweet and attentive and I just loved being around him. But he would keep pulling away because something triggered him and I’d have to ground him. I could work with him on these issues if he was actually getting help outside of just me but he wasn’t. I really don’t want things to end with him but this isn’t fair to me at all.
It totally is. I used to be like that kek They’re so up in their head and have such bad self esteem they can’t seem to fathom that people DO care about them and that when they pull this shit it affects others. In a way it’s pitiful but it’s exhausting trying to be around these people. Nothing is ever enough and the way he thinks I shouldn’t be upset when he self sabotages really pisses me off. Blah blah blah mental illness but Jesus Christ maybe learn to open yourself up to what’s uncomfortable? Kindness and real love definitely feel wrong if you have a lot trauma but it’s never going to fucking get better if you shut down all your opportunities to improve.

No. 290241

Forgive me, nonna, but I read that as "intense security" and was imagining some super rich, sheltered but sweet girl,who was trying to be in a relationship with a really poor, but very kind guy, and her parents were keeping ultra strict control on her with security - bodyguards and such, never letting her go anywhere alone, trying to control who she hangs out with etc Thanks for the chuckle!

No. 290283

Yeah, I think you're right.

No. 290330

I don't know whether to tell my bf or not that his ex blocked me.

We're old flames and reconnected recently after visiting my hometown. He was with her at the time, but he wasn't happy in the relationship. We slept together and he realised he couldn't keep things going with her and promptly broke up with her a couple days later. He didn't mention his infidelity as I was just a catalyst in his reasons for leaving her, and he didn't want to create unnecessary hurt for her.

This was a month ago, and I don't follow either of her accounts (professional or personal). I was feeling nosey and bored and decided to look her up to see how she was doing and she'd blocked me from both. My account is both faceless and private and I never once engaged with her profile apart from the occasional stalk. So I'm pretty sure she found out, but I have no idea how.
I want to warn him, and I also hate keeping things from him, but he's a very anxious person and I have a feeling he really won't take it well. So now I'm stuck on whether I should say something or not. I don't mind telling him I was being nosey so that's less of the problem, but I did tell a couple friends what was happening while home and though they're all close friends of mine, it's a relatively small town and people talk, so I am a little worried it'll come back to me.
And yeah I get it he's a cheating scrote but in the broader context this is the first time he'd done anything like this and that's not what I'm looking for advice for. I'm just wondering if it'll be worth it to say something or I should stay out of it.

No. 290332

What's the point of telling him? Whatever her reason is, they're exes, why does he have to know about people she blocks? Best to leave it be

No. 290339

Kek didn’t you post about this before acting like you were the main character? Glad you got your cheater I guess. Why even bother telling him? He doesn’t need to know and it’s not even really a big deal. Even if they shouldn’t be together in the long run you still ruined her relationship. It’s perfectly reasonable for her to not want to see you online. Didn’t you say they were thinking about getting married too? If you really care about this relationship don’t put your boyfriend through emotional turmoil for nothing Even if he deserves it

No. 290349


No. 290361

This might sound paranoid, but knowing how some men are, are you sure he broke up with her?
It just seems so random that she blocked you. He could've made her do that, giving her some "elaborate" reason, and making things more convenient for him that way. "Anxious" cheaters can be pretty manipulative. They like to get what they want, but they will do anything to avoid consequences. Call me crazy, I don't care, I had a tough life.

No. 290370

Dating 40 yr old mommas boy who refuses to leave his house and move in with me 3 years into dating. Tells me we need to be working on our careers before moving in together, totally obstinate. Therapist of 10 yrs tells him it's ok. He tells me I go around mooching off of people, kek OK pot. Tell him I'm leaving the state (bc im not from here and only stayed here for him.) Doesn't mention it once, but tonight all the sudden his feelings are hurt about it. Despite all this its the best relationship I've ever had, he's kind, sweet, silly, and I love him so much it rips my heart to confettis. I've wasted years of my life staying here with him, with no friends and family, and he has the nerve to say I need to grow up when he hasn't paid rent ONCE in his life. Tell me true love is worth it in the end

No. 290373

You sound obsessed with her. Move on

No. 290374

Not worth it. There are a lot of fun guys out there who will move in with you. End it.

No. 290375

Sounds like his mom doesn't want her proxy husband to leave and he's comfortable with the arrangement. Glad you decided not to be a clown and submit to this.

No. 290378

>dating 40 year old
Stopped reading there. Unless you’re like 30+ yourself that’s so dumb. Men die earlier than women so dating older men is unnatural and means you’re more likely to die alone even if you both stay together forever. Men who are 35+ carry way more mutations in their sperm that leads to more schizo and autistic offspring.

There’s literally no upside to dating older men unless you have severe daddy issues and want a stable mature man who will ‘take care of you’, by the sounds of it he seems like an annoying immature hypocritical whiny pissbaby.

No. 290412

honestly ask him if he would be okay if you did the same. If your trust is broken leave him when you have enough money. To be honest (whether porn is wrong or not is not even the matter for him), he probably thinks as long as he watches several women (and not only the same one) he does not consider it cheating (especially if it is not real like hentai). If you have enough money but do not want to divorce him right now say that you are considering leaving him unless he stops and goes to therapy again

No. 290414

why the fuck would you stalk the girl, who you stealed her boyfriend from (this is literally her perspective of the situation)? It does not matter if you were old flames for her it is cheating and she is obviously not blind and can see after a month (!) where he probably already posted about you (or their mutal friends talked about you), that he cheated on her. If it is a small town and he is shortly fater her in a relationship it does not take a genius to know that he cheated. Fucking move on and yes, if it comes back to you, you and your scrote deserve it. I also want to bet that at least one friend of yours thinks that you both should have waited. He cheated and you knew he was in a relationship (even if it was not going that great) and you still slept with him. Take the L, because you could have both waited at least 3 months to not make it obvious that he cheated. Also, stop checking on the girl you helped getting cheated on. I can kind of understand stalking at least once an ex of your partner, but not the ex of your partner who you helped being cheated on. This just screams about you being insecure, because you have literally no reason to be nosey about her. Have some morals and keep your distance from her, especially since it seems like you two could not even wait a decent amount of time in a small town. Pretty much everyone, who interacts with him and her will know (now that you are together and probably going outside together) that he cheated. Sooner or later he will find it out anyway, so it does not matter if you tell him or not (you also probably only want to gossip or cry about it to him) but please let the poor girl be left alone. It will mostly come back to you and it should be obvious to you two that the whole town will talk about you, so no warning should be needed considering it is such an obvious situation

No. 290433

I know you don't want to hear this but cheaters will cheat again. You're worried about whether to tell him because you don't like keeping things from him but.. there's a painful irony there given what you both did to this woman. I don't blame her for blocking. She's the injured party here and probably just wants to move on without you online stalking her. Men who cheat tend to paint their exes as 'the bad guy' and get their new girl on board with some twisted version of the cheating being acceptable. Nothing good will come from you watching her online. She knows that.

Don't reward cheating. It doesn't matter if he was already thinking about leaving her. He's still a cheat and you're choosing that as a partner. Will you end up in her position too down the line? Seems likely. Enjoy the incoming paranoia over when he'll do the same thing to you.

No. 290684

I have to dump my bf finally nonnas. he has broken up with me 3 times before and I stupidly took him back when he came running back and I have just finally had enough. he is currently on a stag do in ibiza and he has not messaged me once. I don't even care anymore I am just numb to all the emotional neglect. I'll wait until he gets back and dump him in a coffee shop or something but should I hint that I want to break up before meeting him in person?

No. 290688

Why even do that? This man dumped you three times. Why not just send him a text and be done anon? He doesn’t deserve your respect.

No. 290690

do not give him any hints. catch him totally offguard. i would wait until he comes back though definitely however you do it (in person or however), so that if he is at all attempting to be faithful (doubt it, especilly on a stag do in ibiza??), he won't be happy to be able to party and fuck his choice of rando drunk women on holiday.

No. 290702

break up with him over text nonnie. He does not deserve more, considering he broke up with you 3 times and does not even spend a second on thinking of you. He probably goes to parties there and cheats on you right now (especially since he probably also does not write you to pretend he is single and so that he will not even have a slight feeling of guilt). Why waste your time to meet up with him? If he is actually serious about your relationship than he would write you. Do you givehim money or do you cook his food or something? Ruin his vacation by letting him know you won't be his bangmaid anymore

there is no way he is not cheating on her right now. She should tell him so that he panics how his bangmaid is not there when he gets back and that his trip is ruined because of it

No. 290708

Breaking up with him on the trip and then blocking him kills his vibe and his power trip. He won’t be able to do anything. He’s in a different country. A cold and to the point text breakup followed by silence will ruin his trip and get his knickers in a proper twist.

No. 290713

i disagree, i think given he has fucked her over multiple times and is literally in a party destination on a trip meant for guys means he's likely be resentful atm that he isn't single to fuck around rn, if even that. he's not even responding to her or texting her as is so he probably isn't even checking her shit, who knows. like i said in my last post, there's a good chance he's not even being faithful rn.

No. 290749

Hell no, do NOT wait till he comes back. Why? So he can enjoy his whoring vacation? Break up with him now so his holiday is ruined.

No. 290750

He does not deserve a holiday. Tell him now

No. 290800

Yikes, reminds me I’ve dumped my boyfriend over uh, 20 times now? Difference is ofc I’m not whoring around. Wonder when he’ll put an end to this nonetheless.

No. 290804

My boyfriend broke up with me a few days ago and I'm reading some No Contact advice. Most of them say to absolutely not break contact with them but this one is saying you can send a short and sweet message thanking them for the relationship and confirming that it's over. Should I do this or continue to ignore him?

No. 290811

> send a short and sweet message thanking them for the relationship
You want to thank a male for dumping you and wasting your time? You don’t need to confirm shit either

No. 290813

I want to make him feel guilty for being a shithead kek

No. 290815

They always come back. Don't do it.

No. 290816

You'll be left more frustrated and hurt if he doesn't reply the way you want. You're just making things more difficult for yourself by desperately trying to provoke guilt or regret which you'll most likely not get.

No. 290817

Go no contact, accept any losses, he's gonna try to turn the breakup onto you. It may not seem like he'll do this now, but in a few weeks or months he will.

No. 290824

I will not. Thanks for bringing me back to my senses

No. 290985

How do I gently talk a friend out of being a discord kitten? What made former kittens here wake up? She's way too good to be doing that sort of thing and it's just not realistic (we're in Europe, her "boyfriend" is in the USA, neither of them work in a field like IT where moving is seamless). I wanted to laugh at her when she first brought it up cause I thought she was kidding but she goes on these rants about how she's happy for the first time in her life and it's so real in her mind and I just don't have the heart to break it to her that this is delusion, not a relationship.

I know the smart move is to wait for the inevitable breakup and not intervene cause she's an adult but she's my absolute best friend in the world and I cringe seeing her do this. She's also talking about marriage for immigration purposes and moving together and I don't want her to mess her life up for some online moid.

No. 290986

In matters of the heart people will not listen to you no matter what you tell them. She's going to make her own mistakes but you're a good friend for wanting to help her. Maybe you can hang out with her more or make an effort to distract her from him. I wish my friends would have done that to me or made ny online dating much harder so I can meet someone irl. It would have avoided me lots of lost time.

No. 290993

>In matters of the heart people will not listen to you no matter what you tell them.
I hate to admit but you're right. Seen way too many friends make easily preventable mistakes and lash out at people helping them.
And good point about keeping her busy and distracting her, they're basically in opposite timezones already and a lot of their "relationship" is just texting "gn" and "gm", kek. I'll make an effort to drag her with me to places and introduce her to single friends, she's otherwise and introvert with few friends of her own like most e-daters tend to be.

No. 291002

All you can do is pretty much what the other anon said. Just be her friend, help her go out into the real world. I also knew someone in an online relationship and it very naturally ended when it came down to him vs her friends. When she wasn't working, she'd stay up odd hours to talk to him. She never went out with us anymore cause she wanted to stay in and have their Skype date nights. Some of the more blunt people outright told her it's weird and she's kind of a loser for doing that. I was never harsh with her but I did say that if she clings to him, she is going to lose touch with the real world. It's up to your friend to make the right decision like mine did, you can only help her show how much better stuff there is out there.

No. 291004

How much truth is hidden by humor for men?

My boyfriend and I have been long distance for the past month, and I’ve realized that every time we’ve FaceTimed (which is almost every day,) he’s made the same dumb joke about knocking me up and making me stay home as a housewife. I’ve assumed that he’s just trying to tease me because he knows I want nothing to do with that lifestyle. But the fact that it has been so persistent is starting to annoy me.

He’s also from a culture where that’s the norm
For women, which doesn’t help.

No. 291005

That is so fucking disgusting, this is how the final stages of coomerism presents itself. You shouldn’t be dating men from cultures like that (coming from a Middle Eastern woman) because they turn into their fathers after marriage. I would run for the hills.

No. 291010

Be wiser than to date a man from a culture where women are expected to be helpless and submissive.. He's been taught to consider women to be inferior and must be submissive, you're not the expectation in how he looks at women just because you're not from his culture.

Anyway to me it sounds like he's bringing it up only jokingly to test the waters until you start showing interest, then it suddenly won't be a joke anymore.

No. 291011

>He’s also from a culture where that’s the norm
you are dating him why exactly? you think you can "fix" him? that he's the one special exception?

No. 291012

I'd never be able to sleep with a man again if he casually kept on joking about pregnancy trapping me.

No. 291016

It is common trick for men to joke about things they actually want and slowly get you used to the idea. A shitty moid I dated used to joke about him and other moids having sex with me at the same time. I felt uncomfortable but he said it is "just a joke relax." After we had stopped dating and I saw him again he bragged about having a threesome with another woman and his friend.

No. 291019

He was completely different in the beginning of our (one and a half year old) relationship. I miss those days.

He’s been persistently joking about other weird stuff too, like how a lot of guys are interested me so I’ll leave him for them (I’m hot and smart, no larp) and that he should start flirting with other women to show me that he can “still pull.”

We are long distance now because he graduated (I’m still in college) and he took the best job he could get in a city far away. I can’t blame him for that, but it’ll be years before we’re living in the same area again, possibly many. I feel like I might be wasting time on something that’s doomed to fail, whether it’s because of how much time we’ll be away, whether he internally wants a housewife and don’t admit/realize it until later, whether he’ll snap on his parents not liking me and dump me, etc. But he liked me before I got hot and has stayed with me through my worst, pretty rough times, so it’s hard to leave.

No. 291036

>He was completely different in the beginning of our (one and a half year old) relationship. I miss those days.
Nta but he was on his best behaviour in the beginning, like many are. I've been wrapped up in not wanting to let guys go before because I still held onto hope that they'd return to how they acted in the first year or so. Thing is they don't. The version of him that you're seeing right now is the real him. And its still early enough that theres room for it to get worse.

I've learnt the hard way to just take men how they are right now and to let go of the ideal version they portrayed in the beginning. Its not coming back.

No. 291080

Yes. I had an edgy ex and he used to make jokes about jailbait at times. I was disgusted by it but he insisted he was too, that he just had a black sense of humor about things that disgust him because it was his psychological mechanism. Ofc he turned out to be grooming underage girls online while I was talking to him. Yuck.

No. 291084

my boyfriend never wants to leave the house anymore. it was fine at first because i'm also extremely introverted and enjoy just chilling in his room with him. but i've told him that i would really like to go out and make some memories with him and go on dates and he always says yes of course we can! and we never do. i don't know if i can be with someone where our entire relationship takes place in only one room but i love him so much. he's helped me keep my mental health stable after a bunch of horrible shit went down in my family.. i don't know what to do. i find myself having doubts about being with him all the time and we've been together for 3 years, i've never felt closer to another human and i really do think he's a good person but damaged. but i don't think he is making me happy anymore because he's always making me sad… with empty promises and being uninterested in the things that i like, even though i listen to him sperg about his interests all the time. i keep waiting for it to get better and it just makes me feel retarded and i'm so confused about what to do. idek if this post makes sense but whatever. i guess what i'm asking is, is it silly to breakup with someone over this? i feel horrible just posting about him here but i don't have anyone to get advice from. all i'm asking of him is to go on a date or a nice walk once or twice a month and we never do.

No. 291100

It's fine to break up for any reason and I'm not caping for the moid by any means but maybe there is something else going on here, like stress at work or social anxiety from being cooped up with the pandemic blues where the only place you could go (if anywhere) was to work. I have friends who went through the same things and I pretty much had to drag them out to hang out in public so they could see it's worth going out again and then things went back to normal. See if you can brute force the guy out into the sun with you kek wouldn't hurt to give it one last try. If he's still a basementdweller after that then it's time to move on. You are asking for so little and under normal circumstances I'd say just ditch him because he's not putting in any effort for you, but circumstances aren't exactly normal. The past few years have had a wild effect on a lot of people and some are still stuck in that mindset that home is the best place to be at all times.

No. 291109

not really relationship advice per say but in the early stages of dating my partner i was still on that pickme grind and he knew that i liked hentai. so he asked me what my favorite doujin was and i shared it with him. idk even tho it happened a few years ago and our relationship isn't like this anymore (we were long distance then) the memory makes me feel dirty and cucked. i also found out he beat it to some of my favorite anime girls and now they feel dirty and it's hard to like them anymore.

No. 291120

thank you so much for your reply nona!! i think i do need to make more of an effort to get out and do things too, and it doesn't help that he works from home so he really has no reason to go out ever. it's just frustrating that whenever i suggest something, he's very agreeable but at the last moment he says he actually just wants to stay home and i can't force him to go out. but i will keep trying! just wish he'd open up to me as to why he's being like this

No. 291314

If he works from home and still barely leaves the house on his time off then that's really not healthy. I've struggled with agoraphobia in the past and been in various stages of recovery from it. It never fully goes away but Ime I know the only way I can maintain a happy relationship is if I keep on top of it and am able to get out every weekend at least. And that means motivating myself go get up and out and not just relying on someone else to drag me out the door. It shouldn't be a partners battle to fight on your behalf. I don't think its fair that you're in this position right now. The broken promises in particular..
>i don't think he is making me happy anymore because he's always making me sad… with empty promises and being uninterested in the things that i like, even though i listen to him sperg about his interests all the time. i keep waiting for it to get better
This is right up at the top of the list of valid reasons to leave someone. You're not happy. Change isn't happening. Promises aren't being followed through on. You're not in the wrong for wanting to leave.

No. 291322

is it okay to vent a bit? I realize it is partially my fault but I dated this man for the better part of a year and we had an extremely strong connection, spent every moment together, I did everything I could to make him happy to the best of my ability. He dumped me and left me totally blindsided saying how he's afraid of losing his independence and all this avoidant crap. Part of me thinks he cheated or something and found somebody else. I also just don't understand. He thought the world of me and now he wanted nothing to do with me suddenly. He still wants to talk to me sometimes. My heart is broken and I just feel so angry and stupid for even opening it up to a man again.

No. 291350

I can relate to be broken up for what feel like vague reasons and suspecting there's another woman. Some will do that rather than owning it. They want to keep their image intact or even keep you on the backburner just in case. Hard part is accepting that you'll never know. I'd cut off contact though. I don't see anything good coming from it. Especially if you don't feel like he's being forthcoming with the truth. I feel your frustration.

No. 291354

>whenever i suggest something, he's very agreeable but at the last moment he says he actually just wants to stay home
I haven't personally been in such a situation so take with a grain of salt but my first thought was: if he promises to go out with you, he needs to keep that promise. It's disrespectful to you and your time to cancel last minute. Once? Well that happens, but repeatedly is a deliberate misuse and disrespect of your time.

But like another anon said, the reasons you listed are 100% fine to break up with him if this is no longer making you happy (in fact you need no reason at all). You might love him, or even feel like you owe him because he helped with your mental health, but love doesn't mean he's the right person for you nor does it guarantee happiness.

No. 291361

yeah he went to a friends party and dumped me as soon as he got back. literally told me he was home and then left me. he told me he loved me before driving back. i waited the whole time he drove to be dumped. i don't know if theres somebody else or not. im mad and hurt regardless. i think i will remain closed off from now on. fuck using energy for men who dont appreciate it.

No. 291370

tf is this? don't interfere in your friends' relationships unless they are being abused or something

No. 291372

thank you nona, i keep telling myself i need to try harder for him because of what he's done for me in the past but the more i look at it the more i realize it's always been me going to him to feel better and not the other way around. if he's agoraphobic i really wish he'd open up to me about it. i mean he'll go out with his guy friend sometimes to buy stuff but never me and it just feels like. why. i feel trapped because i can't imagine being with someone else but at the same time idk i'm still so young i just feel very confused about what to do because i don't want to regret leaving him

No. 291373

yeah he's done this way more than once and i feel like it's because he just wants to make me happy in the moment by saying yes but when the time comes he gets psyched out and would rather be comfortable at home. but i still can't forget that for our third anniversary he flaked out on me and decided to come the day later to have dinner, like what's the point of that. it's really hard because i love him and before this relationship i'd always thought love alone would be enough to keep people together but now that i'm a little older i know that's not true. but i'm somehow convincing myself that he hasn't done anything wrong just because he hasn't cheated/been abusive or anything and he seems to love me so i have no reason to leave him. i feel so retarded i'm just so scared that if i leave him i'll never find another guy like him, fuck he would be perfect if he just put the smallest amount of effort in but he doesn't

No. 291375

Tell him that he needs to say no. That a no once the question is asked is much better than being lead on. It will make him feel better as he won’t project any discomfort onto you and you’ll feel better because you know where he stands. If he can’t do that then you two should probably have a real hard look at your relationship.

No. 291376

Worst case scenario he cheated, best case scenario he truly is an avoidant and his feelings got too strong. Ngl it sounds suspicious that your relationship seemed to have been too good to be true in the beginning. Did he have any shady behaviors? Some past issues that he ever told you about? Or was everything sunshine and roses until now? No matter what the root cause that’s incredibly shitty to do to you and you deserve much better.

No. 291377

It's over and I'm struggling. I haven't eaten in 3 days. I go between a mild sadness to fits of intense crying. They were going through a bad time and couldn't support a relationship in their state. That's true, but it kills me that I've lost someone so perfect because of something we couldn't fix. The problem with finding The One so early in life is that losing them means you have to live with a horrific absence for so long. I'm devastated and idk what to do with myself now. They're gone and I have to be in love with someone who is absent in my life

No. 291381

There's no such thing as the one. There's nearly 8 billion people on this planet, you just fell in love with one of the uncountable many you could've fallen in love with and there's a whole lot of compatible people out there for you.

You sounds underage.

No. 291386

If they were "The One" you would be in a happy relationship together right now. If they were "The One" they wouldn't have left you. If you're going to believe in something so idealistic, at least take it all the way.

No. 291390

Did both of you decide to end it?I'm sorry you're going through a hard time.

No. 291397

Do people really turn away from good relationships because they’re scared or is it just a cope?

No. 291399

Either fear of commitment or they don't feel put "together enough" for a relationship at the moment. Usually the latter is because they do not know how to handle daily life stressors well.

No. 291402

Thanks nonna. I think I’m going through the latter with an ex and it’s so hard not to take it personally. I don’t get people who take stress out on their loved ones though

No. 291403

If they were the one you’d be together. If they wanted to they would. Eat and take care of yourself. You still have yourself. You haven’t lost you.

No. 291408

Their health is failing them, their mum called them a failure because she hates their dad, their friend died, they're being haunted by nightmares of sex abuse, and they can't eat without their body rejecting it and puking because of their emotional state. I wanted so badly for us to stay together and I tried my best to be a good girlfriend but they just feel like they can't be in a relationship right now. I respected their wishes because I love them abs the last thing I ever want to do is push a boundary they've set. I didn't want it to end at all

No. 291410

My boyfriend told me he doesn’t like high ponytails and similar “high” hairstyles because they look slutty…

Does anyone have insight on this?

No. 291412

Tell him to stop watching porn

No. 291413

um… no offense but what insight do you need, this sounds like misogyny. it's literally just a hairstyle

No. 291414

He is addicted to jerking off. You should break up with him. He’s a pervert.

No. 291416

He doesn’t. Or at least he claims he doesn’t and I haven’t caught him yet. But I guess it makes sense because where else would he get this idea from right? I had literally never heard of that being an opinion about high ponytails and wanted to know if there was a possibility of there being something I was missing or something

No. 291417

that's a porn trope. you're bf is so coombrained he can't look at a basic hairstyle and not relate it to sex.

No. 291419

They pull on them violently, it’s a whole..”thing” among creeps.

No. 291420

Don't listen to his words and look at his actions and rationalize accordingly: if he wasn't porn addicted/a creep why would he relate ponytails, literally a simple hairstyle, to sex? you know the answer already

No. 291431

Well I know you meant you reply rhetorically but I have snooped and never found anything. Not completely writing it off but maybe he has eaten up the “slutty non-white woman” stereotype in the media? In the picture I showed him the only woman with a non-“high” hairstyle was white. She had her hair down. One of the other women was black or latina with a high ponytail and the other was east asian with something similar to Bantu knots. So maybe that was the only reason he said that. He said he didn’t know why so it sounds like something he believes unubconsciously. Maybe if they had been white he would have said something different but now I’ll never know.

He also has long hair and wears it down or in a low ponytail, so maybe he doesn’t understand why anyone would do anything else he considers elaborate? I know I’m not making him sound great by mentioning this but femininity makes him insecure and he takes issue with it, even prefers when I don’t express it much.

Maybe it was a way to discourage me? Maybe he really just thinks it looks bad

Or maybe in his experience promiscous women have had high ponytails or “weird” hairstyles?

No. 291434

All these mental gymnastics to defend his pornsickness. Sad.

No. 291435

Nonna I’m sorry but this guy’s a cumbrain. I had an ex who told me how much he loved ponytails and glasses and wanted me to wear them all the time, turns out he had a massive porn addiction. That and the fact that he seems to actually get mad about something so trivial are red flags.

No. 291436

every man knows how to delete his browser history anon. He specifically called it slutty. Not ugly, not childish, not unflattering but slutty. That directly relates to sex. The only plausible explanation is porn.

No. 291437

The fact that he wants to control something about your physical appearance is a strong predictor that he will turn abusive soon. I understand why you want to assume it’s something else (race, his personal style etc) but it’s dangerous.

No. 291448

this is moreso just a vent but i just dumped my bf of 10 months because i found out he was flirting with a mutual female friend and calling her a whore behind my back and hid that he was talking to her from me, i only found out when i saw an egirl following all of his socials and confronted him and he refused to show me messages and was even clearly editing any screenshots he showed me. so i talked to the girl and of course she told me he was being a weirdo and the guy she was talking to wanted her to block him already too
this was the second time id caught him flirting with other girls, i was willing to forgive once on the condition he get professional therapy for his porn addiction, but i cant forgive him this time. especially when he said "we dont talk" but clearly that wasnt true, he said "like we arent about to start dating, we arent having a talking phase."
fucking hate this fat manchild scrote so much and i wish i hadnt wasted as much time as i did on him

No. 291458

Did you ever ask him at the beginning of your relationship what his views on porn are, or notice any redflags in hindsight? I seriously hate hearing about stuff like this, I feel really bad for you. I know people lie and cheat despite proclaiming to be good people, but part of me still wants to believe there's a possibility to ask the right questions, or notice a redflag before anything bad happens.

No. 291465

there were warning signs but i was too young and stupid to notice them, i turned 18 while we were dating but we started dating at 17 and 23 now 18 and 24
he had convinced me it was all ok because it was "just drawings" (hentai) but it never made me feel ok because the hentai he liked was of super skinny loli girls when im kind of chubby with big boobs and muscle from playing volleyball for a long number of years
basically i just dont trust any man that mentions porn

No. 291483

ariana grande kek

No. 291485

Do that many people really compare themselves to porn/hentai? Would it really be ok if the porn he looked at at resembled you? It's nasty either way, especially if he's looking at loli.

No. 291502

found my bf's old abandoned reddit account (hasn't been touched in 5 years) and found it was following a bunch of subs of porn of girls that are the complete opposite of me (and similar to his exes). we've been together for a year and a half, and he says he quit porn around 4 years ago because it is unhealthy, and he now has moral objections against it (quitting porn is the bare minimum, i know, but this is a moid we're talking about). me going through his phone meticulously at random times without his knowledge when he takes showers corroborates that he isn't lying and really doesn't consume it anymore, but knowing the porn he used to look at literally a half decade ago is starting to eat at me. should i just get over it? or is this a red flag.

No. 291503

do you masturbate? if yes you're a hypocrite.

No. 291506

masturbation and porn aren't synonymous

No. 291508

moids don't have good imagination. they require visual stimulus to get off. you just admitted you masturbate, so you're just shit talking moids because you get off in a different way. you're a hypocrite and a coward.

No. 291511

I'm not the anon with a bf though.
>moids don't have good imagination. they require visual stimulus to get off.
Not true. Just because most scrotes nowadays have broken their brain with porn, doesn't mean that's the natural state of things. Stop coping for your own porn addiction.

No. 291512

i don't have a porn addiction i can easily go months without masturbating. moids are visual creatures. that is a fact. that is why porn is catered to moids, whereas erotic literature is catered towards women. their masturbation habit is different becuz their psychology is different because their biological drives r different.

before porn, men would frequent brothels. would you prefer that?

No. 291513

You’re arguing with a clear retard scrote anon ♥ just report and ignore

No. 291514

>you're just shit talking moids becau..
Nonnies just report it

No. 291515

It’s a red flag. I’d leave. He’s cheating. Porn is cheating. He lied and hid it.

No. 291516

that anon you replied to wasn't even me. if i do masturbate i think about my partner like a well adjusted person. idk why im even replying to you though because you're either a moid or an advanced pickme saying that men cannot control themselves enough that preventing them from jerking off to random women means they have no other choice but to pay money to rape women in a brothel.

No. 291517

i feel the same way about porn being cheating, but he told me he quit and that ostensibly is true and he's never viewed it during our relationship which is where my conundrum lies. but then again can moids ever really quit? i feel really torn.

No. 291518

File: 1664546530656.jpg (66.97 KB, 800x450, Good_Luck_I_m_Behind_7_Proxies…)

moids are not well adjusted people. their very essence in being is not being well adjusted. in fact it is their one and only virtue. because in order to achieve things one has to be a freak and a lunatic with respect to public morality.
>doesn't mean that's the natural state of things
yeah, the natural state of things is moids having multiple partners through sexual conquest. why is the 'natural state' supposedly good? if you care about monogamy the 'natural state' is actually far worse.
idc. i'm just here to speak my truth.

No. 291519

i would never be with a man who doesn't cheat.

No. 291523

No. 291525

Porn is cheating anon. He’s going out of his way to look at and interact in some way with another women in a sexual content. If he was getting nudes from his coworker that would also be cheating. He also lied to you which is a crime in itself.

No. 291526

Samefag but yes they can stop. If they don’t it’s because he’s a degenerate. Not your fault. You deserve better.

No. 291528

Any man who has a reddit acount for viewing porn or following hot women is a weirdo, hands down. That's another level of pornsickness imo. Even if I knew a guy had a very past tense porn viewing reddit account I'd be skeeved out. There's viewing porn on a porn tube site and then there's men who create entire accounts around following porn or who use social media for their porn viewing. Red flag.

No. 291531

Am I reading this right? You would reject a monogamous man? Lmao @ the absolute state of lolcow

No. 291532

Guys you need to call cheating what it is when arguing with pick-me cuckqueens: Rape by omission. Men hide their sexual deviances from their spouse and don’t give them a chance to opt out of consensual sex with them because they know most women whether sane or insane, would NOT.

No. 291533

samefag, would not have consensual sex if they knew about their sexual deviances.

No. 291534

yes because a monogamous man = he is probably boring and powerless in society, also does something lame and stupid for a living, like computer networking. chances are that he is monogamous not out of free will but because he is not attractive to most women.

No. 291535

>Implying being an ugly bottom of the barrel man unpopular with most women has ever been a deterrent in regards to cheating and juggling multiple women
lol anon

No. 291536

op of the original situation. despite my waffling and confusion, this sentiment is what i feel in my gut. weighing my options carefully rn.
thanks to everyone for their advice/input.

No. 291537

except i would never be with an ugly bottom of the barrel man in the first place. high status men have always had mistresses, i do not see why you would mind that. it would not even be 'cheating' because I would allow it, but even if i didn't allow it I would still tolerate it.

No. 291538

No. 291539

Its the same old scrote on one of his regular spergfests.

No. 291540

>if u think differently from me u have a penis

No. 291544

The lack of self awareness you have is so insane you must be a moid. You’re asking people to respect you opiniOn and yet you keep arguing with people that take issue with porn and even regular old cheating simply because you “do not see why” a woman would mind that. Nobody asked for your opinion, someone brings up something they consider cheating, stay in your cuckqueen lane and go suck the cunt juices off your totally Chad SO’s cock.

No. 291545

i'm not asking for anyone to respect my opinion retard. i'm saying i wouldn't be with a man who couldn't get away with murder, or a man who couldn't beat someone to death with his bare hands. i don't want a weak bitch boy. if you're fine with having your man be a weakling you do you, but i could never be with one, and i can sniff out bitches from a mile away.

No. 291546

No one can ignore bait on this site apparently.

No. 291547

>The problem with finding The One so early in life is that losing them means you have to live with a horrific absence for so long
Try not to buy into the whole 'the one' way of viewing relationships. In reality alot of people have several long term meaningful relationships across their lifetime. Thats just how its more likely to play out. It's a healthier way of viewing things and dealing with loss. I wish we wouldn't promote that idea of 'the one' to young women as it sets us up for more pain when things go south. I remember I was in bits after losing my first love and those same ideals didn't exactly help me to process it. I thought my life was over.

Sorry you're going through this. You'll get through it and it won't hurt as much after some time. You never know what your life might look like a few short years from now. This'll pass and be a distant memory.

No. 291549

You’re asking people to take your opinion seriously by insisting you’re not a moid whether you know it or not lol. I feel sad your experience with “high value” men has been this I guess, but please go be an uggo somewhere else, it’s the only alternative explanation to your deranged opinion

No. 291550

you feel SAD that a man is able murder and beat people to death? that's a cause for celebration for me. it is not often you can find a man that encapsulates this ancient civic VIRTUE. plenty of MEN enjoy VIOLENCE. (but far too many today are COWARDS who shy away from it) and I happen to enjoy men who enjoy VIOLENCE.

but go be in your socially acceptable healthy monogamous relationship in standart missionary position seks, if THAT is what you enjoy. more power to u.

No. 291555

I also feel sad you're clearly intimidated by the violent neantherdal knuckledraggers you love so much, but i guess go be the socially approved and endorsed subservient doormat if that is what you enjoy.

No. 291557

>socially approved and endorsed subservient doormat if that is what you enjoy
who said I was a doormat? I kick ASS, and I can kick anyones ass. why would I expect anything less from my man?

No. 291558

you're a subservient pussy bitch because you're scared to approach "violent" men with concerns and boundaries and would rather they give you vaginal warts from fucking around. You can convince yourself you enjoy this, but really this is what it boils down to. You don't know how to have a man by his balls. SAD

No. 291560

>you're a subservient pussy bitch because you're scared to approach "violent" men with concerns and boundaries
I never said I wouldn't. I wouldn't be with anyone who would give me a fucking STD for starters. I just said I wouldn't mind some sleeping around is all. I think it's healthy for a male.
>You don't know how to have a man by his balls
Yes I do? If they betrayed me I would kill them.

No. 291562

File: 1664555499215.png (229.83 KB, 680x450, dd0.png)

wtf is going on?

No. 291563

Yeah but somehow YOUR moid fucking around isn't betrayal. Whatever, your brainrot indeed is too advanced, go kiss your boyfriend and tell me how I taste I guess.

No. 291564

I like expensive things, i like pampering myself, i like not working, and i like having my brains fucked out. if my needs are met and my children are born into wealth, have a good life and education then I don't give a FUCK. THESE are my needs, and if my SO fails to meet my needs THAT is betrayal. not them fucking around.
>go kiss your boyfriend and tell me how I taste I guess.
he wouldn't kiss you, woof!

No. 291565

You have the same energy as those women who marry surgeons thinking the money will make their kids okay. Hint it doesn’t.

No. 291566

When a man cheats he is risking your life. He is risking your health. He is telling you he gives not a single fuck about you. You could suffer get sick and drop dead.

No. 291567

poorfag cope.
>When a man cheats he is risking your life. He is risking your health.
this is true but I would make sure they are not out with bimbos, which is fairly easy to do. (because I wouldn't be with someone whose taste is bimbos)
>He is telling you he gives not a single fuck about you.
How? If he takes care of my needs how is that not 'giving a single fuck about you'? If he didn't give a single fuck about me why does he take care of me physically, emotionally, and financially?
>You could suffer get sick and drop dead.
there are PRECAUTIONS!!!

No. 291568

HIV won’t show up on a test for 9 months. He could catch and give it to you before the original “partner” ever knows they had it. Even the clap can make you infertile. But keep pretending you enjoy being put at risk and disrespected. You really have your dude by the balls that’s why he’s balls deep in a different women yeah?

No. 291570

Nonna is either moid or retarted, just let her live in denial and stop fucking up the thread.

No. 291571

why is allowing someone to sleep around synonymous with disrespect? i do not enjoy disrespect, but I certainly enjoy RISK.
no i just have a more interesting life than u

No. 291572

It's clearly bait, anons. I feel disappointed in you all sometimes.

No. 291573

cope and seethe!

No. 291576

>You really have your dude by the balls that’s why he’s balls deep in a different women yeah?
This line made me smile. I like how we have all these unique posters on here. Romanianon, Pakichan, now cuckqueen nona! We are truly blessed with this holy milk.

No. 291589

File: 1664569989062.gif (9.3 MB, 640x481, Twitter.gif)

You just left evidence retarda

No. 291591

the day he drags you by the scalp? yes don't comeback then
you need therapy

No. 291600

lol why does baitwhore type like Springs1

No. 291602

My boyfriend seems perfectly content with only seeing me once a week-once every two weeks and it's making me so fucking sad. We've been dating 4 years and both have a lot of free time and don't live far from each other so I just don't understand. I get needing space but come on like you are my partner and we're serious about it so whyyyyyyy god

No. 291603

I was in this long distance relationship with this guy for a while but we broke things off without meeting. He'll be in the area soon and we were thinking of trying to start over just with slow dates and see how we feel in person and if there's a spark at all. Is it a good or a bad idea?

No. 291609

I'm in this same situation nonna. Pretty excited. Biased but I don't see why it would be a bad idea. Just remember to vet and don't have expectations of any sort.

No. 291611

Actually it makes me feel good to know I'm not alone. What are your plans and minimal expectations? I think he wants to try starting over but from like.. in person. I'm nervous though about getting heartbroken again but maybe it could also give me closure. How are you approaching it? I just worry I'll be left wondering what if if I don't at least meet him.

No. 291622

If you're together for that long, wouldn't it be better to live together? If you want this to be forever, you could save money living together too.

No. 291632

We're both 20 and not in the position to pay for our own place especially in the city we live in. I also live with my grandma and I like to keep her company, I wouldn't want her to be alone. Feeling like I don't want things to be forever with him anyways cause he makes no effort to see me lol

No. 291665

I felt the same way reading your post!
My situation differs a bit because neither of us is calling it a "date". We also broke up because neither of us (mostly me) takes online "relationships" seriously. I especially felt silly. He argued a bit at first but then agreed, though mostly because he didn't want me to see him yet at the time anyways because he was a NEET (graduated during the pandemic, and was sort of depressed and kinda just waiting for a job to fall on his lap) and didn't want me to be disappointed. I'm personally approaching it as just two online friends meeting for the first time and hanging out to solidify their friendship. I'm not expecting us to get along as good as we do online and to not be awkward. Fingers crossed we get along even better, but the opposite happens alot apparently. We're also both shy (though both alternate with being more confident and outgoing around the other at different times, him especially), so there's bound to be off-putting moments. Maybe that's basic advice but it was hard for me when I first learned he was wanted to see me to not imagine us getting along so seamlessly well somehow we ended up cuddling for an entire afternoon.
I'm also needing to remind myself that even if all goes well, a LTR might still not be in the cards for whatever reason and I'll be eventually disappointed. Maybe he's not as much of a catch as I think he is/he's made himself out to be online. On paper, he should be perfect for providing me with financial, physical, emotional, and mental security, but in reality he could be controlling and/or stingy, have physically angry outbursts, or be manipulative/etc.
As for plans, I'm not entirely sure yet because I left it all up to him since I'm a horrible planner, we're seeing eachother towards the end of this month so I told him I want to do something halloween-y. We both at least agree we want it to be an activity because not being able to release pent up energy from nervousness/anxiety is a recipe for disaster. It also just makes mingling easier, something I really wanna do with him yknow, chit-chat one on one. We may end up staying at his new place. He's very proud and excited about it. He has a ton of remodeling to do, the area is very pretty so I at least could get cute pics out of it, I like occupying my hands, and he liked my idea of an elaborate pond I had.

No. 291693

File: 1664607754045.jpeg (728.57 KB, 1242x1169, 68130CF4-0476-4145-9039-18F674…)

>he spent our entire relationship criticising my looks, intelligence, self awareness, security
>demonstrates how little he values these traits by leaving me for someone who is bereft of absolutely ALL of them

he spent 3 hours this morning trying to convince me to remain friends. fuck off

No. 291707

You should dump him honestly, you don't have the same needs and you're still young, don't waste any more time with a guy who doesn't want to see you as much as you do (and I say this as someone with the same need of alone time as your bf).

No. 291739

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Need some advice nonnies. Also, forgive me if this is the wrong thread but for some reason I couldn't find a sex advice thread on here. Can't tell if I'm wrong or right to be pissed off about some unreciprocated sexual stuff with my bf but it's been on my mind since we came home from vacation. It's also bothering me so much that it's making me annoying to be around - i'm becoming petty and sort of looking at him in a more negative light after this. Not as in "I hate you and want to break up" but just find his company annoying to be around and whatever sexual dreamy feelings we had over vacation has just turned to resentment now, on my side at least anyway.

We forgot to bring condoms or lube etc on holiday so naturally couldn't have piv so I gave him oral - not an issue for me, I enjoy it, but I also liked and I guess "expected"? something for me at some point in return during the vacation. He is eager to do this any other time really, but over the week on holiday I got nothing in return - just "Oh i'm tired" etc. Now that we're back home I still haven't got anything and this was a week ago. I know I'm making this sound very transactional and tbh I don't "expect" or demand things from him sexually and vice-versa but I'm still irked that I didn't get anything done to me. No idea how to approach this considering I don't want to come across as demanding but at the same time I should be free to be kinda annoyed that he didn't give me anything back.

It feels like I really can't win when it comes to sex or anything sex-related. I don't want to feel like he owes me anything because then that's just a weird way to look at sexual things but at the same time it's like…I did something for him and he got to enjoy it but later that night and throughout the rest of the holiday I just had to be whatever the female equivalent of blueballed is. I don't even know how to approach this topic with him as I'm a sperg and often come across as far more blunt or cold than I intend to be - I guess my issue is that I just feel ignored in comparison to what he enjoyed but at the same time I don't want to get into the mindset of thinking "oh i did xyz now he owes me this". What can you nonnies recommend to me -or what should I say?

No. 291743

I think your frustration is valid , your bf seemed kind of selfish especially since you asked him. I find it weird he didnt want to give oral while on holiday if he usually does.

>We forgot to bring condoms or lube etc on holiday so naturally couldn't have piv so I gave him oral

Ive been wondering, why not just buy condoms there?

No. 291747

Don't minimize your frustration. You realized that if given the choice, your bf will forget about your pleasure and focus on his own. How often have you done this? Has he ever given you an orgasm without you reciprocating?
Also, as a woman, you can be more demanding. You know sex is a risky thing for us, even with established partners. The least men can do is give us orgasms on demand, kek.

No. 291749

It's not demanding to expect give and take in a sexual relationship. My last relationship slowly turned into a more one sided thing and I didn't want to HAVE to ask for the favor to be returned all the time but he wasn slowly doing less and less for me. After a while it becomes pretty clear that a partner who doesn't just automatically think of your needs back is taking the piss or taking you for granted.

This doesn't excuse it but did he pay for the holiday? One of the times that highlighted my own unequal sex life was when my ex paid for a holiday for us, we were intimate during said holiday but then one day towards the end of the trip he erupted that we hadn't had enough.. His needs had been catered to more than mine.

I understand how it feels shitty to have to even ask, esp if you've been alright in the past and it wasn't needed before. But you're not demanding for bringing it up. His reaction will tell you alot..

No. 291764

Plenty of men want to touch women, how many actually want to make them feel good? There’s a difference. It would bother me to anon. I absolutely am not giving oral by itself. That’s not give and take at all. I’d honestly probably never touch my partner like that again but I’m strict with my boundaries and rathered touch myself than have mediocre sex.

No. 291773

What in your terms is a casual relationship vs a serious one? I feel like it is clear as day what they are, I’m just not in a good headspace right now and things in my relationship feel weird

No. 291774

Samefag, me and my Nigel have been together for about 5 years now, and although we’ve done things together, it still feels like we’re not as close to each other. He is emotionally unsupportive but will be really sweet and affectionate and provide for me , with food and things you know literally the bare minimum, but he doesn’t seem to listen to what I sayor like sometimes. He doesn’t seem to remember things I say or even he says sometimes either even if they were nice. He is up for fucking and cuddling as a moid of course but it seems like he doesn’t want to be any closer to me. When I have opened up emotionally to him he seems to black out and doesn’t know what to say other than hugging me and feeling bad for me,( understandable because I have some baggage for sure) he also says he doesn’t want to move out of his parents house any time soon even though I want to be independent. It just feels like we have good things but also there are some things he could fix and I could fix too because I’m not going to act like I’m perfect either. I guess what I’m really trying to say is I’m scared he doesn’t want to cross the line of being closer to me, that he doesn’t want to start building a future, and if he sees me as just the weekend girlfriend. I’m just sad. I think I want something serious instead of casual. Ugh I feel like a crazy bitch right now with all these thoughts. Sorry for the long vent thing

No. 291788

Trust your intuition, tell him you're ready for something more serious and if he's not on board, you leave and start looking for what you want. Don't drag it out more than it needs to.

No. 291793

Recently we got a new kitten that we bought. Im pregnant and until now my SO wants to get rid of the cat because it might cause major brain defects in the baby. Weve only had her for 4 days and she has been tested for parasites and such. All clear. Still he is afraid of toxoplasmosis. I do not clean the litter box whatsoever and always wash my hands after touching the cat. I understand that it is a risk and that I might already have it? I don't know what to do, but hes giving me an ultimatum its either our unborn baby or the cat. Im not supposed to be stressed out and he comes out the blue telling me im going to die and that I am killing our child because he decided to get me a cat. This all sounds so stupid and I dont really understand the scare when shes an only indoor cat and we dont feed her raw food. She's been checked out too. What do I do? Or has the toxoplasmosis already taken me hostage and its the parasite speaking for me?

No. 291794

Nona, you're overestimating the rarity of toxoplasmosis. Afaik it's extremely rare, and you can only get it from directly touching cat poop. As you are not cleaning the litter, washing you hands after touching the cat, the cat is indoor, fed kibble, the chances that you'll get it are next to nothing. I think you SO is overreacting, but if he insists you get rid of the cat maybe you could give it to a neighbor or friend to take care of during the pregnancy or until you both feel it's safe.

No. 291805

>its either our unborn baby or the cat.
My god. But it's not like he can pry the unborn child from your womb so basically it's not even an ultimatum, he's giving you no choice, right?

Do you have family or friends the cat can go to during your pregnancy?

No. 291806

Sounds like he has some deeper anxieties about whatever’s going on rather than just the cat. He’s overreacting severely but it seems like he’s coming from a place of wanting to protect his kid. You should try and have a more open talk with him as to what’s actually going on.

No. 291829

idk what the problem is you guys sound perfect for each other.

No. 291831

Most people just hand over litterbox duty to a different person and thats enough. Never heard of anyone throwing the whole cat away over it. Especially a new cat that you've just invested in with vets checks and all that. It's nutty to get a cat and within days flip a switch.

The ultimatum part is kind of worrying tbh. Any time you reach a new level of commitment (moving in, a ring, baby etc) and a man starts making ultimatums you need to nip that shit in the bud. If you tolerate it now you'll enter a pattern of being threatened every time you disagree on something. Make an example of this and don't let him be overbearing about it. It sets a bad precedent if you do.

No. 291832

This is painfully similar to my first relationship. Like a mirror. If you're having abusive episodes and you know you want to break up but that rent price is one of the main things keeping you tied to him… the abuse will get worse. You'll move countries, resent him. Abuse him. Go up in flames one way or another. I don't think you're going to leave anyway but that'd be my advice. Its not a functional relationship.
> i TRIED to break up with him A LOT, he doesnt let me go
Read that over and over and really think about it. Realistically you think you can move countries, keep on living with him and not blow up at him just as much if not more than you currently do?

No. 291833

You can always get tested for toxoplasmosis if it's such a concern. Maybe it'll put your SO's mind at ease.

No. 291840

Is there an age gap between you?

No. 291852

I've been thinking of sending a message to an ex-date just to stop these constant feelings of solitude and isolation, how bad of an idea is it? Nothing bad happened, I just freaked out when we started to get serious because I have avoidant issues and I haven't talked to him in a year, I don't even want to date him again, I at least want to apologize for ghosting and befriends again like when we met.

No. 291861

me 23 he 26 (both very recently turned), so not really.

No. 291863

No, you gross AVPDemon. Your personality disorder is avoidant by nature, so do other people a favor and leave them alone. They’re not toys for you to pick up and throw away then pick back up a year later on a whim.

No. 291874

Do the apology bit 100%, and ask about the rebefriending if he seems happy to reestablish contact. That should be up to him. That's all that's on your table right now.

No. 291876

>>291861keep your expectations low enough to see how his mood holds up near you. Try to stay in close contact for at least like a week.

No. 291906

Was he super devastated by the breakup? Do you think he still has feelings for you? It might be nice to apologize but if he was super hurt friendship might not be the best idea and he might think you’re trying to rekindle.
Not to pry but did you split because he wanted to get serious and you weren’t feeling it or did you have genuine feelings for this guy but ended it because you were scared? Like if you weren’t avoidant do you think you’d be with this guy? Sorry if this is invasive but I’m on the opposite end of an impulsive fearful avoidant breakup and trying to work through it

No. 291916

I don't know where to post it, but I need to vent.

I met an amazing man two months ago. We like the same things and seem to hate the same things too. Everything was moving so fast it was kinda scary at first, but now, I feel comfortable with him. I might have fallen in love with him too, so I had to tell him today that I have hpv. I don't know if it's still I'm my body, what I know is that I had genital warts in my labia and inside me. I had them removed via laser surgery. This was back in 2017. I've only had two boyfriends, I don't have one night stands and still, I caught this thing and had warts. I suspect my first boyfriend already had it, I'd like to think he didn't know he had it, but then again, he used to pay hookers. I infected my second boyfriend, now my ex although we are on friendly terms. He was very supportive and still is. It's been three hours since I told this new guy I have an std, and he hasn't replied and deep down I know he'll never reply and I don't blame him. I feel terrible, but I didn't want to keep this from him. Everything was going so well between us, perhaps I shouldn't have told him anything, and yet, I had to be honest and say it. I remember how my ex was so terrified when he knew he had it, and I don't want someone else to feel like that. I hate how, no matter how much of a good person I am, no matter how attractive a man finds me, I'll never be able to be with a man again, I'll never be able to have kids and a family of my own. I don't get it, why me? Why me and not my friend from high school, who at that point had slept with 12 guys? I've only had two men in my life, I've never slept with other men besides these two, and yet I have hpv. I don't have warts since 2017, I've heard that the body can clear it, I've read that most people have it and it's a very common std, my doctor is very happy because I don't have symptoms, my last pap smear and revision showed me that I'm fine inside, and yet I'll always live with this, because that darn thing can lie dormant. I'll always be infectious. I feel like garbage. I don't deserve to be happy. I don't deserve to feel the touch of a man and have sex with someone I love. I don't deserve anything. I only hope he can forgive me for giving him false hope, I hope he can find a woman who's not filthy like me. I wanna kill myself, I only want to be loved and love someone, but I can't do that anymore because I have an std.

No. 291917

>but then again, he used to pay hookers
and… you knew? or?
because that wording…. idk

No. 291919

He confessed to doing that many months after I started having sex with him. I didn't know until then

No. 291920

This one's difficult and I don't know what to say tbh. Maybe it's better if I don't say anything but your life can still be fulfilling outside of men, so there's that. If it's doormant, is it still contagious? couldn't he or anyone else in the future use condoms? I would find an online support group and see how others are dealing with this. Mostly, concern yourself with your health, be thankful if it's manageable.
Most importantly the only person that needs to kill themselves here is your ex.

No. 291943

I have no complaints about my relationship so this is a nitpick in the grand scheme of things. My boyfriend does this thing so often. It goes like this:
>nonny, have you been to x before?
>oh, no I havent.
>nonny? you haven't been to x? how have you not been to x before? x is the BEST. It's SO common to go there. EVERYONE has gone to x. How did you MISS going to x?
It could be about seeing a movie, trying a food, knowing an artist, reading a book, etc. It always makes me feel mildly bad but mostly just annoyed. It won't just be common things either, he will act shocked and disappointed that I haven't read some obscure book and act like everyone in the world has read it but me. My only question is what is the psychology behind him doing this?

No. 291944

He's just so familiar with certain things, that he expects most people to know about them, but you end up being the exception so it's surprising.

No. 291949

Need advice

So iove been dating someone for over 5 months, during which the 1st it was irl but I had to move away for a bit. LDR is so far great for us, and knowing i'll be able to see them in a few months makes going away for college so much more tolerable. However, I feel as though I'm the one who initiates much of our conversation and relationship, whereas they are much more on the recieving end. This isn't to say that they aren't grateful, but it's tiring to have to do it most of the time. Recently I sent a care package to them, and whilst they've talked about doing one, they haven't sent one yet. I feel as if I have all this affection to give and they are not yet matching that. I too would like to be sent gifts and praises rather than having to comfort them from their trauma ex, as I am an active presence in their lives. Is it too much to be asking them for more positive attention? I just don't want to lose their being.

No. 291952

>they they they
>them them them
just say he or she

No. 291961

Need some help and advice anons.This will be long because i have noone else to talk this about and i want to write about everything.
We have been dating for a bit more than 2 years.He is 6 years older than and i’m 26 currently,so it wasn’t a big problem so far.I’m a medical doctor and he is a teacher in a different profession.Ever since the start of our relationship we were living together.In the first year we were in our hometown,and last year he had to move far away for bussiness reasons.I came to this other side of the country with him to support him and continue working here,while i saved up enough money to move abroad (hopefully in the next year).We have common hobbies and quite compatible with each other overall,but one of the biggest difference we have is, i’m a very socially active person and he can live without leaving home or talking to anyone but me till the day he dies.So i have 2 big problems on my hands at the moment; one them is regarding moving to abroad,and the other is about his increasing jealousy about my social life.
When we first started to live together i was busy with some exams and stuff and it was covid time,so i didn’t really talk or spend time with any of my friends.I was mostly at home spending time with him or having fun with my stupid arts n crafts hobbies,and studying.I never had an overly active social media,i used facebook for exam materials and instagram to keep in contact with my friends.This depends totally on time tbh,if i was writing this in another time it could be myspace,or msn or other kinds of social media.Anyways when covid restrictions were mostly over and i was done with exams and other stuff,i started to get more active in instagram,and started to get in touch with my friends again.And ever since that every single time when i post a single cat photo or even a scenery he goes on like “so how many people hit on you,tried to talk to you over that story? you added 1 new person last week.who is it?”.I don’t hide the fact that i’m together with him or even post personal stuff either..i post a cute snail on the sideway and get passively accused for seeking attention for that.Aaand it doesn’t even stop there.I have to be in contact with other doctors in the hospital all the time.If the patient has a kidney problem i consult internal medicine specialist,if they have a heart problem i consult the cardiologist etc etc.He shows the same fucking attitude for my job aswell.I talk about my day and sometimes briefly tell about an interesting patient and all he fucking ask is “..so did the consultant hit on you? was he handsome? would it be better if i was a doctor?” I can’t wrap my head around this spesific low self esteem and jealousy. I don’t even see any reason for this behaviour either.I’m with him all the time except work,i’m always in contact and i never hide stuff.Because of moving far away i don’t have any friends i can meet face to face here either.Like what else can i do,put on a collar with a gps and microphone in it?Because everthing else is so fine,i’m absolutely torn between helping him fix this problems or saying fuck it and dumping him. He does house chores,is a both fun and mature person,also a very loving and supporting person.I genuinely love spending time with him.
The other problem is about our carreer and life differences (mostly related to age tbh).I currently have no car,house or any other valuable item or pets with me.So its easier for me to move abroad,and fairly easier to have a job.But on the other hand he is all settled here and also have two cats.At first he was very supportive of me moving abroad and did everyhting he could to help me.But as i got closer with my paperowrk and other stuff,he kinda started bitching about how hard it is to take cats there,or to find a job with his profession.Or what was going to happen to the properities and stuff that he owns here blah blah.I know that he wouldn’t come and leech on me but he kinda seems half-hearted about this moving situation nowadays.And it was very clear from the start that i was going to move no matter what,so this weird behaviour is something that i don’t understand again.
I know from all that i wrote so far the answer should be dumping him but as i said,aside this 2 problems everything else is perfect.Life with him is very enjoyable and easygoing.For the first time in my life i feel very happy (despite these problems,thats how content i am) and very supported.I like supporting and helping him aswell.So what do you think anons? Would you try to fix this stuff even if it takes long or skip all the hassle and go on your own way? If you had similiar problems i would be very happy to hear about it.

No. 291967

Yes I'm already painfully aware of this, I'm just trying to be a better person, I don't want to have this behavior for my entire life.
Yep, I was thinking about doing this, it seems it's the better option.
>Was he super devastated by the breakup? Do you think he still has feelings for you?
No idea, I didn't really breakup with him since we were not completely together either, it was the really early stage of the relationship, I just stopped talking to him (we didn't talk that much in the first place, like one call a month and very few texts). Hopefully he has moved on, it's been a year after all.
>Not to pry but did you split because he wanted to get serious and you weren’t feeling it or did you have genuine feelings for this guy but ended it because you were scared?
A mix of both probably, I think he was more into me than I was into him, but since I never dated before I got scared of the unknown. We had a lot in common and I think I preferred him as a friend rather than a date since I wasn't particularly attracted to him.
>Like if you weren’t avoidant do you think you’d be with this guy?
I don't know, it's not like I have many dating opportunities anyway, maybe I would have tried for the sake of it had he confessed earlier and pre-covid, it took him a long time to ask me out (like 3 years) and I know some anons see this as a red flag, maybe I dodged a bullet in the end.
Don't worry, if you're the anon upthread I'm so sorry for you, you don't deserve to go through this especially after doing so much for this dude.

No. 291968

inb4 nona says they are gender neutral

No. 291970

Considering how he is older than you, he is acting much younger with his immaturity in regards to his jealousy. Here is the key point that I focused in on:
>And it was very clear from the start that i was going to move no matter what,
With him being "half-hearted" as you put it, it seems like you have to have a serious talk with him and make a choice. Since you are moving no matter what, he either needs to be on board or not. While you do love each either, I think it is crucial to know where this relationship is going. If it will move abroad or settle with him.

No. 291972

Soooo, it's totally fine when you have to move to the other side of the country just for him, but not for him to do the same for you??

If you don't want to dump him nonna, at least take a break and live closer to your friends. This relashionship doesn't seem healthy at all.
And his jealousy will get worse.

No. 291987

>I didn't really breakup with him since we were not completely together either
>one call a month and very few texts
Tbh it takes two to be in a "not quite sure if this is even a relationship" situation. You can have avoidant ways and still meet someone who says look nonnie are we together or not? It sounds like this guy was just as flakey and didnt exactly go out of his way to turn this into a real relationship. It was a non thing.

No. 292033

I broke up with my ex 2 months ago. even though it was clear we still liked each other there were things he needed to work on and staying with him would have been a complete disservice to myself. We reconnected 3 weeks ago, he was putting in more effort, both of us were happy and I was beginning to see potential in relationship again, until I caught him in a little lie. I understand why he lied about that thing (I might’ve done the same in his shoes) but if he was willing to just talk it out then and there we could’ve just gotten over it. Instead he told me it’s up to me to believe him and then ghosted me for a few days. I hate how me “confronting” him makes me out to be the bad guy when really just wanted to address it in conversation. I ended up seeing him a few days later and he told me he wants space. We can address the lie after he has his space. If I want to wait for him until then that’s my choice, he said it could be a day, it could be a week, he doesn’t know. I told him I could wait a week or two, but not a month. He said that felt like me trying to influence his decision, but it wasn’t, it’s because he has known that in November I’ll be moving.
Something came up and I have the option to stick around here longer… I feel stupid because I feel like he would be so happy if I stayed longer and if he asked me to stay for us to rebuild what we had, I would, but I can’t even ask him because I’m supposed to be giving him space right now. It’s been over a week since and I’m going crazy. I have to make a decision by Wednesday. Do I just message him? Do I wait until the last second?
He’s the first boyfriend I ever actually deeply cared about and I feel so stupid saying it but to me right now at this very moment in time my decision relies mostly on “us”. Our relationship was mostly good but We broke up for a reason, but then he started working on it and Our reconnection was so nice but people are entitled to space but over something this small we definitely could’ve talked about peacefully by now? I know I probably sound so dumb but I feel like I can’t let my friends know his importance in a decision like this and I really just need outside input

No. 292036

If you can be certain that he was lying then this is some bs he's putting you through. Like a power trip thats designed to wear you down til you no longer want to confront him about any future issues either. Some men play it that way to avoid ever taking ownership of their lies. It's got red flags all over it nonnie.

Maybe its payback for breaking up with him in the first place but tbh it screams of just emotionally punishing you while playing it off as if its not that. I'd stay exes after a stunt like this. He's holding all the power and loving it all while you're clearly stressed out. Thats not love. Demanding a month of space after a small disagreement is nuts. At this stage you don't owe this guy contact.

No. 292040

If he genuinely wanted to reconnect with you and not make the same mistakes he would be working through this with you, not punishing you for it. I think the best you can do is validate his anxiety over possible rehashing old patterns with this argument, but that if you two want to work through it you have to confront it head on. This is only if you feel like the relationship is healthy and you want to be extremely generous. If he can’t do that then it’s best to just cut it off now.

No. 292071

Is it bad to contact an ex if he has a few of your things left at his place? I'm talking expensive (Apple products, custom painting, etc) I didn't have a car then, and I have one now.
I have NO interest in this man, and I would make someone else go get the items from his place.

No. 292096

Can you go get your stuff with your friend or your dad? It’ll be awkward but you’ll definitely get everything you need with ur witness kek

No. 292101

need some help and advice, i feel like i'm watching my relationship collapse in slow motion from far away. bf & i have been together for about 2 years and currently live together.

there's the small things. sometimes i wish my bf would get me things that he knows that i like, like a cheap necklace or socks. i wish he remembered which foods i hate and stuff like that that i've talked about so many times. there's always the "if he wanted to, he would" hanging over my head.

last week i got into a big fight with a close friend of his. he lost his shit and started insulting he as much as he could & generally being a POS. last time i was mistreated as much was when i left a genuinely abusive relationship a couple of years ago. i cut him off. later i found out someone else was involved encouraging his malding tirade so i cut her off as well. i've known for a while that they're a toxic friend group but i had no idea they've become this unhinged/unstable. my bf knows how much trauma i've had to deal with from that relationship, how i got used to being abused, and how hard it was for me to learn to start setting boundaries. he's aware of how petty the whole fight was & how his friends completely blowed it out of proportion.

to be honest it really hurts me to know how he's comfortable listening to them trash talk me & keep insulting me. i wish he would say something like "please don't talk abt my gf like that" or something, but i know he won't. he keeps talking to him every day, playing every day. i want to go on dates sometimes but he just wants to stay home and play all day. i know he's "picked" him.

i know i need to get out of this relationship but i feel trapped. our lease term has a couple of months left and there's really no realistic way for me to move out. i don't have the money. these days i feel so tired because he always slacks on his chores and after work i need to clean the house, wash the dishes, do our grocery shopping, cook, etc. i feel trapped and sad and lonely and feel like it's hard to talk about this with my friends and family bc they all like my bf think we're a happy couple that's looking to get married soon. i started taking elavil a little while ago for other unrelated issues and i hope it helps me cope somehow.

i really just don't know how to cope

No. 292115

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I posted about this elsewhere but it's still eating me up and I'm needing advice. sorry, it's long.

for a year and a few months now (up until about a week ago) I've been really, really close with a woman I met online. we're two states from each other and pretty lonely individuals albeit in much different life circumstances. we talk all day every day. also we're both lesbians and admittedly have gotten intimate/flirted w each other, altho it's not been explicitly recognized by either of us. I'm attracted to and attached to her.

anyway, she's in FL and last Monday was pretty much freaking out about the hurricane weather predictions. I slept all day and didn't see her messages until about 7pm. first thing I saw was her saying she was under mandatory evacuation. I was shocked and replied "wut?!". she was like wdym wut, didn't you see what I said? I said something like yeah but you didn't say whether or not you evacuated or not? convo naturally stopped there.

later that night she brought up the weather again via some tiktok she told me how I hurt her terribly for seemingly not caring that she thought she was gonna die before I got up and read her messages earlier in the evening. admittedly I thought -to myself- she was being dramatic but I feel I might've been biased bc ik she's a BPDchan. she reacted badly to me saying I'd talk to her when she's ready (she was telling me she needed to go to bed and needed space) and called me a bad person, told me we weren't working, she's not even going to pretend she wants to be my friend again and told me to fuck myself. this triggered me p much and I called her a hypocrite and said I bet she's been looking for a reason to cut me off. it's embarrassing, but I wasn't sober this night, and would've acted so different if I was. I digress.

it's been a week or will be in a few hours and I miss her and feel pretty bad about hurting her with my insensitivity. I do think she was being a little hypocritical (she's not the most thoughtful or consciencious person) and that she could've cut me a little bit of slack, but I also do think I upset her. feels bad man.

I tried to give her space except for two text messages the next two days where I told her I was thinking about her, hoping she and her pets would be safe during the storm and later asked if everything was ok. this was over text msg. she didn't reply, and idk if I'm blocked there or what, or if she's just ignoring me. frankly I thought she'd have reached out to me by now but she hasn't so I'm feeling real down lol.

nonnies, what do I do? I want to apologize regardless, and I def don't want this to be our end but if it is, I would at least like to not be completely ghosted. am I being completely self centered? what do I do?

No. 292127

You're entitled to your stuff back no matter what went down between you two. But just play it safe, like you said have a friend do it on your behalf or a male relative who won't be at risk. The shittiest break up I ever went through.. I still kept it civil and stayed out of his way while he collect his last few bits. Legally you can't keep peoples belongings just because you don't want to face them. Theres ways around it and worst case scenario I've seen people arrange a police escort to collect items if they're valuable.

No. 292130

Where do you plan to move to after the split? Parents or renting again? If you need to arrange a new rental then having a couple months left on the lease might be ideal. It gives you enough time to plan a move without being too much time either.

My last relationship broke down with 2 months left on our lease and seeing as I had to arrange a new place it was just the right amount of time. An awkward couple months for sure but I kept it civil for the sake of getting out with minimal drama

No. 292140

First I’m very sorry anon. Your boyfriend is a shit bag. He should have never spoken to you like that. I would leave. If he’s willing to do it now before you’re married. Before there’s kids he’ll be willing to do worse later when it’s harder for you to leave and he thinks he can get away with it. He’s not who you thought he was or he would do those things you want. Like remembering your likes and dislikes. He lied to you at the beginning of the relationship. He’s a con man and a swindler like most men. Also are the toxic friends female at all? They’re probably going to date or cheat. No man complains to someone of the opposite sex about their gf or wife without it being but you’re so cool and not like that. Pick mess eat that shit up.
Where are you going after your lease is up? Place by yourself? Start breaking down your budget and then looking. You’ll need that couple months to start looking. Need a roommate? Start asking friends and looking at friend finding apps for a female roommate if that’s the case. Have someone you can move in with or stay with? Give them a call.
Next move establish boundaries if it’s safe. I’d he won’t get abusive and violent I would shut the relationship down. Fuck him. People that love you don’t treat you like that. Focus on you. Don’t cook for him. Don’t clean up after him anywhere you can get away with it. Don’t do his laundry. If his clothes are everywhere you throw that dirty shit next to his bed. Fuck him. Dishes are hard. Men will live in filth. But hopefully the laundry Vs dishes example help. Grey rock him. No affection. No emotional labor. No letting the spineless little parasite try to slither his slimy way back into your good graces.
Next focus on you. Focus on relationships you have outside of this one. Books that work on your relationship with yourself like the ones by Nikki Malone. Where do you want to be? What do you want to do?
Most marriages end in divorce that shouldn’t make you depressed. It should make you happy that’s a lot of women who can leave a lot of fucking assholes to rot alone. He’s an asshole and you can do this anon. There’s much better out there.

No. 292195

Hey nonnas, I need advice but I have no girl friends and I don’t want to talk to my mum about this because she’ll just worry. In the uk learner drivers can drive as long as someone over 21 who has a licence over three years old is in the passenger seat. I bought a car recently, paid for the car and tax myself. My bf was excited and got learner driver insurance for the car costing around £350 for a year. I thought my licence was three years old, had a brain fart I guess but it actually is only 2 years and ten months old. So he can’t drive the car until December. I offered to pay £100 of his insurance since it’s non refundable and it’s my mistake in the first place. He refused because he doesn’t care about the money and is just upset he can’t drive the car for two months. He’s really mad at me, like really mad. Personally I feel like utter shit but it was an honest mistake? Would love to get some outside opinions.

No. 292226

How early is it to move in with a partner? I've been with my nigel for 5 years now and thinking I'd like to move in with him soon, but maybe we are just too young. (23f 23m)

No. 292244

You paid for the car, it's yours. Why exactly is he so entitled to driving in it? Boo hoo he has to wait 2 months, what a fucking child. It'd be more understandable if he was upset about the money, but that doesn't seem to be the case.

That said if you really wanted to make it up to him, you could buy him some professional driving lessons so he can get some driving time in over the next few months.

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