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No. 283158
>>283144and don't cling to any of these fucking losers just because he left you and you are suffering from post-breakup psychosis
there, we three solved every problem that will ever come up in this thread
t. non-intellectually-challenged bitch
No. 283332
>>283325What? By “this” I meant the whole getting dumber thing…
phew, I guess it’s not just me
>>283329Now that you mention it, maybe stress + repetitiveness. I started working again this year so could be I hadn’t noticed I get like this due to work before because wasn’t in a relationship so didn’t feel inclined to put effort into interactions. I should do something about it to see if it helps. Thanks
No. 283446
File: 1661389736699.png (83.99 KB, 326x253, 856515.png)
If a guy doesn't completely write-off astrology it's safe to say he at least wants to fuck you, right?
No. 283773
after leaving a genuinely abusive relationship where i was hit on multiple occasions by a man 5 years older than me and verbally abused on a daily, as i look to go back into dating im facing two options
my ex, who i was with for a year is interested in me again. the reason we broke up is because he was very emotionally unavailable and unaffectionate and it made us drift, as im not looking for someone who doesn't initiate any form of intimacy, sexual or not with me, hes saying hes changed but i can only see small improvements. he says he cant last through the day without talking to me and im what keeps him going, so i feel fucking awful for not knowing if i still like him or not, he knows im not looking for anything right now. hes from a wealthy family and is going into IT so we'll be very well off if we start a life together. however i recently met someone through mutual friends and ive never clicked with someone more than this, we can talk for hours endlessly and never get bored. hes very sweet, and although he knows i dont want anything he says he'd wait for me, hes from a less well off family and doesn't believe in college however. i guess what im grappling with here is do i sacrifice what is guaranteed to be a well off future for someone id financially struggle with, but enjoy the company and attention of much more? im also worried that this is just a honeymoon phase and the mask of being perfect for me will slip, and he'll be evil underneath much like my last ex was. he mentioned having an extremely physically abusive long term relationship before so he relates to me on a much better level than the first boy too
i dont know what to do, neither of them deserve to be led on so i dont plan on doing it as neither of them are bad guys and deserve someone who makes them happy, i just want to make what i feel like is the best decision
No. 283854
>>283765My gosh it wasn't funny the first time, it's not funny now. Drop it
>>283799>>283835Go see a shrink asap
No. 283961
Please don't call me a controlling prude. I know and Idgaf.
Something's really bothering me. My boyfriend mentioned this show he watches with his dad a few months ago, and for whatever reason only a few days ago i decided to look at what kind of scenes it has. The following is what I found out:
>As the show progresses, the sexual content becomes increasingly graphic and so does the nudity.
>Multiple scenes of a male who lusts over a female because she produces breast milk.
>There is some type of sexual content in every episode. This ranges from sexual dialogue to sex scenes to an episode that fully shows porn.
>The show features numerous scenes of graphic sexual content. This includes 2 scenes of porn, multiple sex scenes, a few instances of graphic male and female nudity.
>One of them shows multiple shots of them in different positions while fighting. He then lasers her breasts and she enjoys it.
>A girl with a sexual outfit gets Cunnilingus performed on her by sitting on a mans face. She starts thrusting on it and when she climaxes she gets agitated and knives come out of her skin slicing a mans face open. She realizes this later but his brains are already all over the floor. Very graphic.
>Two men attempt to rape a woman but are stopped
>S2: a tv shows a naked woman with her bare buttocks close up
>Multiple sex jokes/references.
>At a party a man has sex with a doll as everyone else watches.
>Man has sex with a woman and he gets turned on when he sees an octopus behind the woman.
>S3: Frequent
>Man gets a blowjob from an octopus
>Male genitalia graphically shown. No female genitalia.
>Characters shown either partially and fully naked and engaging in a massive orgy, with just about every sexual act one could probably think of being depicted in extremely graphic detail.
>Season 3 includes a orgy sequence through almost an entire episode. Although it's explicit, it's purely comical and comedic.
>In one season, someone is watching porn. Nothing is shown, but it's implied and you hear some moaning.
I feel fucking enraged that he's watching this shit in the first place, and even more grossed and weirded out at the fact that he's watching this crap with his DAD. WTF?????? I know he has told me before he would like to bond more with his dad and he tries whenever he can, this is the atrocity they're bonding over?! I have so many questions, like whose idea this was (maybe it was his dad's and he's just putting up with it bc "family time", but that just makes me think he's a pathetic bitch because he can just not watch it), and at what time they watch it, and how is it not awkward, and if his mom doesn't know if he thinks it's right? I wanna slap him several times first though
Am I overreacting? what would you do in this situation? I'm really trying to give him the benefit of the doubt here, but I just can't. edited some typos
No. 283964
>>283961what in the goddamn fucking show is this….??
naw you aren't a controlling bitch this shit is fucked up. i cant tell you what to do about it because what works for my moid doesn't work for all. i would express my disgust and shame him, make him feel disgusting, and then dump him. couldnt even look at a man who watches that shit in the eye tbh much less fuck him.
No. 283966
>>283964"The Boys"
I'm laughing so hard now, the first time I looked it up I just went to google images and thought, oh just some superhero show, the women are not too skimpy. No biggie.
Yeah right
No. 283984
>>283982>I am work from home so he takes this to mean I should do most of the housework and I kind of just accept this because he does construction and is too tired to clean house anyway, regardless of how offensive the insinuation that my skilled labor job is easy is.women continuing to work full time while taking on most, if not all, household burden, and thanklessly too, is depressing. also the problem with your guy seems to be that he's generally acting malicious. Maybe not evil but in bad faith if you get what i mean. if you look at each individual interaction alone he can easily paint you as the overreactive bad guy, don't fall for it. he seems to be the type of asshole who naturally gravitates to doing the least amount of work without realizing, while belittling what you do. you'll never win because you're for the household and he's only for himself. two years in, not married, and you're taking on a wife role, and what do you even get out of it? if you get married, that commentary and YOUR, and only your, household workload is just gonna get worse.
women keep getting conned in relationships
No. 283992
>>283984Honestly…you're right, and I know you're right. I just needed to hear it. He does paint me out to be overreacting and says I'm acting like a bitch sometimes. Sometimes I even believe him because I'm definitely the one that "starts" fights by taking issue with the things he says–but in the moment I'm just defending myself while I'm being heckled while working my ass off. I've just gotten off work, I'm tired too, and I'm standing in the kitchen with an aching back chopping vegetables while he drinks beer and asks if I'm gonna clean up because he's "concerned it'll stain the glass cooktop" as if I've ever left a mess there. He knows I haven't. He heckles anyway and brushes it off like he was "just asking" and "just concerned." If he was really CONCERNED, he'd see the annoyed look on MY face about the mess and say "sorry babe, that sucks, want me to watch it while you do that?" But no.
Thank you
Nonnie.
No. 283995
>>283992np nonner. i hope you leave and end up with someone who, even if there are issues, is provably a team player with you and who is beneficial to your life
yes including financially cause even housekeepers get paid, no use working full time AND muling at home also
>Sometimes I even believe him because I'm definitely the one that "starts" fights by taking issue with the things he says–but in the moment I'm just defending myself while I'm being heckled while working my ass off. ok be wary of this cause men love doing this mindfuck "you're overreacting babe i just liddurly made a single comment wtf" dont fall for it. the fight maybe starts when you call it out, but the
problematic behavior starts way before, when he continuously, repeatedly makes snide or unnecessary comments that, intentionally or not, devalue your work around the house, add more tasks for you to do and/or allow him to skip his tasks and relinquish his responsibilities to you. that said, there is no way the fights would ever go in your favour, if he was gonna take the role of a fair partner he would have, and through discussion, not only when you finally lash out because you're at the end of the rope. the only purpose of a fight is for you to be the bad guy.
No. 284000
>>283995Wow…that was actually so enlightening to read. I knew he does this but couldn't put words to what he was doing before. He says I love to fight sometimes because I bring up issues. The fight wouldn't happen though if the behavior stopped the first, second or even fifth time I asked nicely though. So it makes me feel like I'm fucking crazy or secretly the
toxic one in the relationship and maybe he's right because technically I DID start the fight. But am I not allowed to defend myself from this heckling? Am I allowed to follow him to work and point out mistakes and ask if he's going to fix them then say he's trying to fight with me if he says it's annoying? Of course not. That would be absurd. But he observes my work around the house and needles me about it every day and I'm supposed to shut up about it.
No. 284032
>>283987Hmmm, okay I'm listening. It only mentions one episode in one season as being "comedic" which makes the rest sound like soft-core to full-on porn. You're also saying some scenes are uncomfortable to view with your parents which directly contradicts the whole "it's just for the lols!" thing. Besides if it's a comedic parody of capeshit, why put in nudity? like, Marvel and Dc don't do this, so it seems unnecessary and like there's a different motivator behind the scenes. At most it's
implied. Then again, it's been a long time since I've consumed any of that shit.
I guess I feel a little better knowing another woman watches it, but at the same time not because of the questions above. Like do they seriously have to coomerfy everything, including what sounds like would have otherwise been a good show? fucking stupid. Bestiality, exhibitionism, objectification, cumbrainery, consumption of exploitative material, mascochism, and non-monogamy don't sound funny to me either.
No. 284044
>>283982Lol, my fiance is a fastidious Asian guy and I've had to learn how to deal with this exact behavior for 6 years now. Unfortunately for him I'm Mexican so I just bully him in response and make fun of him for being so pressed and it ends up making him laugh and forget that he was mad. That or I smile at him and say "I'm worth it though" when I do genuinely make a mistake or a mess. Idk if this works for every guy, but I used to be a teacher and this is how I diffused kids when they got bitchy lol
I don't think you're being dramatic–I don't take this behavior from my fiance and I do way less chores than you. It's really demeaning and makes you feel stupid when someone tells you how to do things, especially when you haven't even done something wrong yet.
No. 284047
I think I might be at my breaking point with my husband. We've known each other since we were kids and have been together for 11 years now, we have an almost 2 year old together. I'm almost positive he has BPD, he thinks he might too, but he refuses to get any help. No meds, no therapy, not even self-help stuff.
Before our kid was born he was mostly a great partner. I dealt with his anger issues the best I could because it was never directed at me… He was just angry about something and I'd listen to him rant. Even back then I tried to get him to get some help but he wouldn't. He doesn't feel like it's unreasonable to get angry over things like pop culture. Like he will work himself up into a rage about how bad Marvel movies are and how everyone who likes them is a retard and then that leads to a rant about Hollywood and on and on. He sees red when this happens and there's no getting him out of it until it's out of his system.
Now though he snaps on me. About shit he's made up in his head that he THINKS I'm thinking. It's not every day but it's a few times a week. He's just fucking mean to me when he gets into that kind of mood. It makes me feel so small and I just clam up and wait until he's finished. Usually by the end of it he's crying and apologizing. Idk it's like he loses himself for a few minutes in anger and then when he realizes what he's done he feels horrible.
He also makes everything fucking complicated for no reason. Yesterday we planned to go grab a coffee, go to the craft store, take our kid to the park, and then order dinner when we got home. Easy peasy Saturday afternoon. Except he fucking bitches about every aspect of it like "why are we going to the craft store if we have no purpose to go?" First of all, we're going because YOU suggested it! Second, who cares if we don't have a specific reason to go? We can look at the Halloween decorations and maybe find an activity to do as a family. Our kid will have a blast walking around the store looking at all the colours. Plus complaining about getting coffee ("well it's later than I thought it would be so this is pointless now") and the park ("we should have ordered dinner first and then come") and then just ordering dinner was a fucking shitshow because he was like mad at himself for wanting fast food? So he made a big deal out of how we shouldn't order at all.
Anyways. This morning was the same thing. We planned to take our kid to the forest for a walk where he could explore some nature. My husband suggested a different location and I asked "can we let the kid out of the stroller there?" and he fucking lost it. I was just sitting there stunned like wtf did I do? He just went off. It became clear he was mad because he assumed I was thinking this was a bad place to go, he also ripped into me for not being outdoorsy (I fuckin tried to organize a walk in the woods!) and how I can't handle shit like bugs and the heat. Eventually I started crying and told him I didn't want to be around him anymore and that I would take our kid for a walk by myself. He said "well now I feel like an asshole" (his most commonly used expression) and I said okay, you two go for a walk then.
So he did. It took 45 minutes for him to get ready while I watched the kid and packed the bag. He said "I'm glad you're getting some time to yourself" meanwhile they'll be back in less than an hour. They always are.
I'm sorry anons, I know this is a wall of text. I'm not ready to talk to a friend about this. I don't even care if anyone has advice, I just needed somewhere to say this. The thought of leaving scares me because I genuinely do love my husband, half the time he's great, plus I really don't want to have to deal with custody issues. But idk if I'm willing to put up with this shit anymore when he refuses to get help. I don't want our kid growing up with a dad like this.
No. 284061
>>284047Not to sound dramatic, but you're in an
abusive relationship. Is this what you want your child to be raised in? Do you want your child to listen to endless verbal abuse, day in, day out? What happens when your child becomes old enough to have a personality of their own?
What will happen when your child learns to say "No"? Can you imagine the shitstorm that's going to erupt then?
You need to think about what's best for your child. This is a fucked up situation and you need to get them out of it. It might be worth issuing an ultimatum to your husband- "get help or never see your child again"- but honestly, I'd take steps to have your husband removed from you and your child's life permanently.
No. 284064
>>284047I have 2 friends who've been in similar situations to this. Both split during covid tbh. They'd been with a guy since their teens, they waited nearly a decade before having a kid together… a good pace. The kid is barely a year old before you realise he's let his once 'mild' anger issues go rogue and its suddenly being targetted at you in a way he would've never done earlier on in the relationship or pre child. TBh I'm at the point where seeing this play out I do think there a level of self awareness involved on the mans part. Because a man who stays semi-controlled for that many years and when the kid comes along he regresses instead of becoming better.. he knows that kid and that fear of splitting up and co-parenting is holding you hostage with him. He is using that fact against you. They get the shock of their life when women remove themselves (and their kids) from this harmful environment. Which you should do.
You're a mom first and you shouldn't have to battle a full grown untreated bpd acting man in front of your kid at such an important developmental stage. This a son.. they mimic these dynamics later in life. I don't see a win in sight if you resort to begging him to seek help for his mystery disorder. You're describing a very common pattern of abuse that emerges after you have a kid with someone. That's not a disorder. Its a choice some men make.
No. 284074
>>284047I wanted to respond to you and tell you I’m sorry. You deserve better and you’re in a shit situation you don’t deserve. I have a lot of exp with a couple diagnosed men with bpd. One being a close relative I grew up with and another being someone I have a close relationship with now and have for several years, so maybe this will help. I think you should leave. He needs help, real help. You’re not his mother, his therapist, or caretaker. You’re his wife and he’s your partner. And he? He’s not capable of being a partner right now. He’s hurting you and he’s hurting your child. When he yells at you, when he blows up at you your child sees that, that’s scary. That baby loves you both and loves you the most probably. Dad is loud and aggressive and its scary. It’s also not the same things setting him off yeah? It sounds random, anything? It makes you anxious tense, waiting for the next shoe to drop. What’s going to set him off this time? What did I do wrong? Except you didn’t, you’re walking on egg shells because he can’t manage and cope with his emotions like a healthy adult and communicate. He throws a tantrum and expects you to take it like he’s a child and your his mummy, only you don’t have the power to stop him or punish him and it’s not your job. Your your baby’s mom.
If you do decide to leave and he has bpd I’d prepare for an onslaught of stupid fuckery. Get ahead of it, build a support net, set aside money in a private account, get a therapist just you see (a female you vibe with if you can), maybe join a support group there’s some online even for spouses married to people with bpd (it helps to get out and talk to other people and ground back in the real world where his reactions are fucking outrageous after being up in the air with them for so long).
And if you love him? I’d still leave. The one I’m close to now, I had to leave, it among a couple other things collapsing finally pushed him into at least getting help and he’s not angry anymore and he tries a lot more. Now he’ll apologize and attempt to communicate, he’s willing to work through DBT, but it’s only because he’s realized if he doesn’t stop being an absolute asshole no one cares if he’s in pain, he’ll chase everyone away and end up alone. You can’t make them learn that, people have to hit that on their own.
But keep in mind even if he gets help and starts getting better it will not magically fix him. He will still get
triggered, he will still want to default to unhealthy or
abusive behaviors at times and you will have to be strong enough to enforce boundaries again and again and again and it will tire you. Not trying to doom pill you, I’m sorry anon, your post struck a cord with me.
No. 284261
>>284257They earn shitloads where I’m from, there are some perks to shagging knuckledraggers if you can bear to lower yourself,
nonny.
No. 284270
>>284257>>284261That's the case here aswell, they earn a lot because there's a shortage of people who know how to do shit with their hands (this only happens in male-dominated fields ofc, you don't see women in female-dominated like nurses and teachers earn more despite the shortages there but that's another discussion). But you make a fair point about them usually not being the brightest. They're often among the most sexist and conservative too.
>>283982You're not overreacting and you could start fixing the unfair balance in your household by demanding he picks up his fair share of work around the house. It'll be tougher for him to unreasonably complain when he's doing a good chunk of the work.
Reminder: Your work is work just as much as his is. Sacrificing a significantly larger amount of your time to chores compared to him just because his job is more physically taxing is not fair. Your job is 40 hours (or whatever) of labour just like his. Typical example of women still being expected to carry the majority of the workload around the house despite working ± equal hours to their male partners.
No. 284314
>>284296They may not be to everyone but they contain graphic content. The hills have eyes have a rape scene I know makes me uncomfortable if a dude was super into that movie it would make me drop him tbh.
American horror story is just soft porn and comes off trashy. Probably not my kind of dude if he’s really into it either.
Etc
No. 284339
>>284337Adding a contingency; even if someone doesn't feel as if they deserve better it doesn't change the fact that being alone is often the more rational and emotionally healthier choice.
Saying this cuz I've seen people remain in bad situations with the excuse that they can't get better. It's wild how much people will get used to bad things.
>>284338And yeah, this. I've seen women do years of emotional labor and even pay for therapy for a man only for him to keep lying, keep spending massive bucks on online teens, etc. There's a point where it just becomes cucked to stick around. Sorry to use an incel word.
No. 284360
>>284347Go fuck yourself and choke on your own balls. It’s not her fault he’s a porn addict, men are responsible for their own behavior.
>>284350This is dumb, just break up and move on
No. 284370
>>284329This honestly makes me think of my situation.
How likely is it that my scrote still watches porn? I have checked his shit since and it seems to check out. I have sex with him every day if not multiple times a day. I just feel like I have no idea. He isn't alone at home really, but this Saturday he will be home alone. Shit like that
triggers me and he knows it, and he is very apologetic and sad for how he broke my trust. I feel paranoid because I have been getting so good with my BPD shit. I haven't freaked in a while and I want it to continue that way. But porn is definitely a topic that would make me lose my shit, hence why I haven't randomly searched all his shit recently. I'm just not sure of what to think.
No. 284396
Does looking up "what to talk about with your boyfriend" and other things in a similar "rekindling" vein mean you should probably break up? asked in ot but it's better i post the discussion here I guess
>>1320682
>>1320684
I feel like he's not trying to engage with me anymore, he would rather go hang out with his friends or watch youtube or read or etc. Meanwhile I realized recently I've only been trauma-dumping, everything I bring up is negative, even I get sick of hearing myself talk but I can't stop.
I can't tell if he's an asshole or not for seemingly reacting this way. On one hand, I've reacted worse in the past to people trauma-dumping (completely cut off) because I felt overwhelmed and not equipped to help. On the other, I haven't felt compelled to distance myself from him when he has opened up to me and tried my best. He tries his best too I suppose, but doesn't try very much to include me in the stuff he gets positivity from like I did with him in mine previously. Being a part of something with him makes me feel bonded and closer. It's possible he's making sure I don't ruin the bit of "nice time" he has, i'm admittedly a pain. But it also makes me think maybe he just doesn't care.
Since I've forgot how to be myself (my interests, hobbies, everything) because my mindset at the moment makes it difficult, I've been looking up stuff I think might help turn things around, start from scratch to reconnect and fortify our relationship, but this again makes me think I'm the only one who cares about the health of the relationship and that means I shouldn't try to put effort into mending something he possibly doesn't want mended. I've thought it might be just me who feels this way, but there's no way being a listening ear and shoulder to cry on for somebody else makes anybody mildly sane feel closer to the person after a while.
No. 284402
>>284400this is good advice
nonnie. i'm also going to try to match her effort. if she only wants to be cordial acquanitances that's fine, and we can keep each other at arm's length. it's just weird that she invites me to all of these important life events/trips but yet doesn't seem to want to get closer, but at the end of the day it's not worth trying to force something.
No. 284472
>>284456Ewwww. Checks out, mine used to go floppy fast and for the longest I thought it was me.
I’m thinking strangers can’t tell because it’s jeans but idk
(USER HAS BEEN PUT OUT TO PASTURE) No. 284569
>>284553NTA and probably not what OP meant but i looked it up and there actually seems to be a correlation between autism and a low libido, which may explain why he would be fine with it. Reminds me of my own boyfriend who I also suspect is autistic and is not a horndog. But at the same time it doesn't make sense because I thought autism was extreme male-brain and most degenerates I've known have also been autistic? Maybe it depends on the severity? saged for OT
>>284559>You sound autistic, too.Kek'd. I agree though, OP should look into therapy
No. 284604
>>284538My first relationship lasted 4 years and for whatever reason I didn't want sex. We did foreplay stuff and it never escalated. I was clear that I might never change my mind about sex. I was always upfront about that. I checked in with him here and there (as we became more commited) to make sure he was still ok with it and he never put pressure on me or hinted at any resentment over it. Tbh one day he did just leave and it was the type of break up where I was genuinely totally blindsided by it. He moved out, refused to communicate and I never got my answer but to this day I think that was the issue and that he would've maybe felt like an asshole if he'd had to tell me that to my face. Looking back I don't know what I could've done different. Even if he'd been more honest I still didn't want sex.
A couple years later I met a guy and we started having sex right away. I was 27 when a switch flipped. I can't explain why. I've been a more sexual person since.
All that to say, it might be a possibility that it'll become an issue someday. Hanging on for a few years is one thing but if a man imagines his life as being permanently sexless it might be a dealbreaker eventually. I guess coming to terms with that as 'a possibility' is all you can do. For now he's not indicating that its an issue and you only go off what he's telling you.
No. 284633
>>284619Years ago I went from the neet life to meeting a guy. He was quick to propose and I said yes thinking that we had years of engagement ahead of us. My mom was given months to live. He surprised me by pushing for us to have the wedding within time to have my mom present. I had nerves the morning of the wedding and I didn't know what to make of that. We got married. I lost my mom. I spent all my time with him when he was home from work and I never made friends. A couple years into that routine he left me suddenly and apart from my dad who I'm not close to.. I didn't have a soul around to support me through that. I think me having no life outside of him and us rushing the wedding forward were the two nails in the coffin.
You're being reasonable if you want to hold back on the wedding date and if you want to establish friendships and not rely on one person as your everything. That's the healthier approach. Family who grew up in a different time (or culture) tend to give the worst advice on these issues.
No. 284736
>>284702Having been through a similar experience to op, the issue I faced was my marriage ending a little over three years later and me being stuck dealing with divorce rather than a simple split. I'm in a country where divorce takes years on years and in hindsight my family were pushing the date ahead all because they wanted an excuse to have a party/get together. It wasn't in my best interest to rush.
Ultimately I've to suck up the fact that I was too easily pressured so that's on me but ngl it's my only actual regret in life and its kind of tainted my view of family. They were there for the party and not there when the 'greatest guy' had a total personality shift and dropped me. Life was tough right after the split and I felt like this stigma was put on me for it having failed.
No. 285169
>>285102I dated a woman who was only formally diagnosed after we split but we both suspected it. Lived with her for years and noise was the only thing I had to be mindful of. She needed time to chill out alone if we'd been out all day anywhere crowded. It wasn't a big deal. I feel like having my own introverted ways made us a match.
She told me she loved me in cards and through gestures all the time but rarely said it out loud. Dunno know what was about because she was otherwise very warm and affectionate. I know alot of autistic women report low libido but she was the opposite.
No. 285289
I'm not sure if this is the right thread for this, it's an issue within my relationship so I think it counts? Nonnies, I'm at a loss of what to do.
Today I discovered my long time partner has been indulging in loli/underage pornography. I didn't find any real life cp, it's a couple of visual novel style games, the ones with the realistic models (you know the ones). Before anyone says I didn't dig deep enough, I'm the tech savvy one in the relationship, he wouldn't be able to hide much from me if I really wanna find it.
The general theme was daddy/daughter, which I already knew he was into and honestly didn't bother me when I thought it was all consenting age/roleplay kinda stuff. Like, I get it, I've got some questionable fetishes as wel; but as soon as I saw the models in those games and they looked literally 11-12ish, I just wanted to vomit.
If I were more financially stable I would be packing my shit and leaving asap but it's just not an option. He doesn't know that I know about this yet, but I do plan on confronting him either tonight when he comes home from work, or tomorrow; depends when I figure out what the fuck to do.
No. 285292
>>285290>>285291I'm not looking for a way to keep this a "happy relationship", but because it's not "real cp" I can't just go to the police because they dont care unless it's real. Do I go to them anyway? Do I contact his family and friends and tell them? His employer? This is more of what I need advice on.
I refuse to leave without saying anything though, I cannot let him think he's gotten away with this; I need to confront him so he knows I know. I'm concerned that if I don't say something he might feel like he could get away with doing it for real because he ~*~so successfully~*~ hid the digital evidence, he could do it with real life? Idk it's hard to explain the feeling.
Why the fuck are men so disgusting jfc.
No. 285305
>>285294Not my current relationship, but being with my ex definitely did. It was an extremely
toxic relationship and I became a worse person even outside of it.
No. 285313
File: 1662296736667.jpeg (657.51 KB, 1242x1144, 76288BFE-9305-450D-B2B0-8DF30F…)
>start dating guy 3 weeks ago
>he lives with his ex gf in her house which she owns and won’t move out due to being unemployed
>during date 1, she calls obsessively
>during date 2, she calls and texts a lot
>during date 3, she texts him telling him he’s dead to her and she’s gonna burn his possessions
>every time we hang out, she texts and calls him
>i stayed in her house on second date while she’s away, without her knowing felt bad
>she threatens to commit suicide regularly
>he also threatens to commit suicide
>he will literally not move out of her home or get a job
>i asked him to block her and stop being her friend
>i’m moving to another country in a month and he plans to visit me and do distance
>dont mind that i will have to pay for his flights
>keep begging him to leave her, move out of her home and block her
>ex is literally better than me in every way, looks, education, career
>she is often present during our phone conversations doing laundry and such, interrupts us
>i keep trying to end things because it’s too much for me but he is insistent
>i genuinely love him with all my heart despite knowing him only 3 weeks
what do i do? i hate his ex and she is toxic but he won’t leave her home, but i love him so much. he’s literally my first love
i’m gonna fucking rope
No. 285337
>>285313You chemically might be all wrapped up in intense feelings right now because that sure happen quick sometimes.. but its such early days. You do not know this mans character yet. The first few months are the 'rose tinted glasses' stage. You've got all this mess on your hands and you don't even know if hes worth it yet. 3 weeks.. pull it back a bit. Don't be paying for his flights and begging him.
Years ago I had an ex who left me for another woman. Hopped straight from me to her and blindsided me with the break up. Our lease and working situations meant we had a couple months where for practical reasons we still had to live together. I hated it. I hated him. We kept it civil tho and the tension calmed a bit. I just wanted to get those few weeks over and done with without drama. Then he started initiating sex with me again. He was in the honeymoon phase with this new woman and there he was initiating sex with me just because he thought he could. I lived with this man for 3 years and I did not know this side of his character yet.
No. 285355
>>285347>>285350Same
Honestly op needs to get her head checked. The guy she's raving about sounds like a major bum
No. 285356
>>285330>>285328>>285325i’ll be generous for a second and believe this; but that’s only one part of your relationship. loving one another can only get you so far. to my knowledge (beyond what you’ve said here), he’s not putting in the work to better himself in any way. he’s unemployed, making no moves to get a job, living with an ex girlfriend who has repeatedly interrupted your dates and other moments alone (despite telling you she’s not a threat), has threatened suicide (and your bf also threatens suicide)… and on top of that, he’s leeching off of her. and you’re offering to pay for his tickets to see you when you move, and i’m not confident he won’t somehow leech off of you too, nona.
the romance might feel nice now, but if there are this many problems so early without any direction toward a solution, it’s better to cut and run and save yourself the heartache.
No. 285375
>>285330>>285328>>285325>>285313I feel so bad for you, i'm pretty sure this
>>285320 anon is right and you need to come to terms with reality before its too late. I'm sorry anon, i know your feelings are pretty intense and hard to ignore right now but don't do this to yourself
No. 285399
File: 1662327089467.png (112.18 KB, 720x663, 4u5g97.png)
ladies am I the prick here for being annoyed that my bf expected me to want to go on a drug fuelled night out when a) I had just finished work and was exhausted b) I am mid depressive episode and molly fucks up your serotonin and c) I had work early the next day!?
he basically said "huh? so?!" to all of these reasons, didn't bother checking how I was the next day and was still pissy with me. I'm starting to get utterly exhausted there's so many red flags popping up.
>he has broken up with me twice before and each time I stupidly went back because I'm an idiot with low self esteem
>selfish, minimal empathy
>never willingly compliments me and makes fun of my hobbies and says I am too intense
>is leaving the country to do another degree and expects me to want to do long distance again when he is flaky with communication even when we live in the same city
>no interest in moving in with me but stays at mine a lot without offering to pay any bills
>everything is on his terms
I'm finally at the point where I am feeling strong enough to drop the dead weight but I don't know how to stop my stupid pathetic bpd emotions from making me have a mental breakdown over being alone
No. 285465
>>285399You know the answer already just dump him nona you can do better and you obviously got your shit more together than he does.
He is the prick here.
No. 285493
>>285399Pressuring you to do drugs when you have the self awareness to know your mental health isn't great rn and it wouldnt be good for you.. honestly just sounds like a really surface level immature relationship. He wants to have fun and as soon as you're not fun he's not interested or willing to take your wellbeing into account. Hes lacking basic human decency. That's not even a friendship.
Whether you walk away over this or not, it sounds doomed either way. He's a user. Guys like that hop from one woman to another. As soon as someone 'more fun' or 'less work' comes along he'll attach to them instead.
No. 285494
My boyfriend's lips are too big and too slimy. We've been together 2 years and it's only just started to bother me. At the same time my OCD has gotten worse so it may be a touch aversion thing.
I manage the size of his lips/face by kissing him to one side but I can only do that for so long without feeling suffocated. I try to avoid kissing him on the lips as much as possible, instead kissing him on the neck. Any ideas or advice?
Medication could help if it is OCD causing it but I don't want antidepressants killing my already low sex drive, so I'm keeping that as a last resort. I know it's a weird specific question but any ideas would help.
>>285399Like the other anon said, you already know the answer. Being alone is better than carrying around dead weight that'll only drag you down.
No. 285511
How does it feel to kiss someone with lips bigger than you? if you have bigger lips than your partner, what have they said?
>>285494How big are his lips? can you post an example picture?
No. 285534
>>285524A libido so low that you're afraid to risk meds lowering it more, not wanting to kiss him on the mouth after 2 years… I could be wrong but this is nearly always explained away by the spark just dying off.
I've noticed a thing lately where women who lose attraction first will go to great lengths to pretend it's not happening or they'll insist it's purely their mental disorder causing it. Seems like a cope alot of the time.
No. 285558
>>285553It could be that this was his plan all along or it could be that losing his erection and just generally not performing well got to him and its easier to write you off after only a couple dates than to face that in the cold light of day while sober. The fact that he didn't even sleep there just stands out as extra rushed. Even casual users will often stay the night to maybe get a second round going.
Either way he sure isn't thinking about how this must feel on your end. If he happens to pop up again and claim some crazy shit stopped him from replying to you.. don't buy it. Probably better to block him. No message will undo this shit.
No. 285568
>>285557>>285558I'm 28. I've had my fuckboy encounters in my early twenties but in the past years I've been lucky enough to only run into guys that were serious about me.. I honestly thought I was immune to this shit or something, like I'm old enough to see through men's bullshit and know better.
The leaving after sex thing really caught me off guard too because it's literally never happened to me before. Even guys that weren't that serious about me would still stay over.
At this point I think I just have to accept that there won't be a reply and that I got played.. which really hurts my self-esteem.
No. 285571
>>285524Thank you noni. I started prozac about 10 years ago and stopped taking it a few years ago, which was amazing until covid happened. Honestly after reading the replies I think I'm in denial about needing more help after managing for so long.
>>285532Honestly yes. Exposure therapy has worked for me before so I'll remember that idea. Thank you
No. 285637
>>285553Don't beat yourself up over it anon. It happens to everyone and I think it's unfortunately par for the course of dating. There's a lot of shame surrounding women who get pumped and dumped (so to speak) as if it's somehow your fault when in reality the responsibility should be on the moid to be up front about his intentions (which he rarely is and that's how this shit happens in the first place). Of course it's good to be careful (especially for your own safety), but even the rule of 'don't fuck a guy until x amount of dates' only exists because men don't fucking communicate and not only do they not communicate, but they are straight up misleading. They say random shit that any sane person would assume means that they intend on seeing you again and then just disappear out of nowhere lol. People can say 'well you should know better because it's a guy from a dating app' and sure that's partially true, but also it sucks having to be on your guard all the time. That is to say, it happens to women of any age unless you just have your guard up 100% of the time but that can make dating even more difficult and miserable than it already is.
Honestly I think the best way to get over it is to just talk to other guys and keep swiping. You don't have to throw yourself out there and go on another date immediately, but even just swiping through and matching with people to remind yourself that you have options. I've been in a similar situation to you before and often when I get hurt, my go-to method is to withdraw and take a break so I have time to lick my wounds, but honestly that only gave me more time to fixate on what happened and think about what could have been. When you go back to swiping and talking to other guys, it helps you remember that there are more people out there and you move on faster because you aren't just focusing on this one guy and thinking about him all the time.
No. 285656
>>285534It's almost like after the honeymoon phase you actually have to work at a relationship
>>285553Stop letting him live rent free in your head and move onto the next. If he actually gets back to you remind him about his limp dick.
No. 285665
I need some clarity on this current situation with my boyfriend.
For further context, I broke up with my last ex when I found out he was into loli porn. He lied initially and the more I had to keep pressing the more he confessed about being into. He also likes very tiny, petite women who look and act young. When I connected the two I was disgusted by him, and it gave me a little bit of a complex about thinking most men are pedophiles. I’m highly sensitive to anything that may even hint a tiny bit that a man may be like this
My current boyfriend is wonderful, an absolute 10/10 in every way, I’m so in love with him. We’re at the stage in our relationship where we have been discussing having kids. I’ve noticed he (half jokingly) seems to talk about preferring daughters, and wanting sons to be able to help him with chores and yard work. We were talking about this today and he said girls and boys should be raised differently. He mentioned girls having earlier curfews, boys being the only ones to mow the lawn because it was dangerous for the girls, stuff like that. To me it comes across as him wanting to dote on the girls while seeing the boys just as his workers. It’s the first thing like this that started to give me that sick at my stomach, red flags, questioning things feeling.
Please someone tell me this is just my past relationship making me overreact. I had to cut contact with my ex because his obsession with the loli stuff made me think if we had a daughter she wouldn’t be safe with him. I never want to feel that way about another man again, and I just need some reassurance that’s not what this is
No. 285686
>>285665sorry you had to go through that, it must have been traumatizing finding that out about someone you trusted and who you had felt comfortable with before. I would completely understand being weary of any male after finding that out.
I can't make any judgement on your current situation, but I do wonder if it's not sexual but instead some kind of emotional problem he has with males. Possibly he doesn't see male children as a source for love, kindness, etc maybe due to being abused by brothers, his father, boys at school, etc, maybe not even sexually abused just physically or verbally abused so he prefers girls and women and only associates love, kindness, warmth, etc with them. Maybe I'm just naive but I like to believe someone, especially someone described as a 10/10 isn't a monster and just has unprocessed past life trauma.
No. 285707
>>285686>>285697Absolutely nothing about anon's post indicates her bf dealt with abuse or otherwise emotional trauma.
>>285702 this is far more likely.
Also I don't trust any of you when you claim your bfs are 10/10 perfect nigels.
No. 285710
>>285665It just sounds like he's overheard this stuff from older relatives and hes parroting it as the blueprint on parenting. Boys mowing the lawn and girls having an earlier curfew isn't really doting on them.. its just old fashioned parenting where the belief is that girls should be protected and boys should get a good work ethic going from a young age.
The only worry I'd have is that people who view it in that way can carry sexist views that are very dated by now, if their daughter turns out to not be a dainty lil thing after all it can be shit for her to have that type of dad. But I don't see it as a red flag for sexualising young girls.
No. 285722
>>285702ok fine if that's what you think. But when I think about kids my first though isn't "wow I can't wait to put them to work", it's about you know spending time with them? My dad was obsessed with putting my brothers to work for some reason which in retrospect is bizarre and strange when I compare him to more normal parents I've known. Also most the trad dorks I've met don't even want girls or to spend time with them they seem obsessed with having boys so they can do fun allegedly "macho" things like sports or camping (because girls can't?), not chores.
>>285707Like I said fine ok, focusing on making your children doing chores rather than doing something fun doesn't indicate anything strange, forget I brought it up. I guess I'm just projecting.
No. 285740
File: 1662471874173.jpeg (5.78 KB, 224x225, download.jpeg)
hey, it's probably the last time i'll talk about this but 6 months ago I posted about how I fucked a man I barely knew all because I was drunk and I had a massive crush on him all because he liked kpop and stuff. He let me initiate it, so we fucked and he told me no contact afterwards. which is fine. i figured we could talk it out when he came back. he came back a week ago and surprisingly he seemed okay?? but keep in mind we were in a club and we were drunk once again. however literally the next day he unfollowed me on all platforms and for the next two days I sat in my room crying and confused and what makes it worse our uni is the size of a small walmart and we kept running into each other, and if looks could kill id be dead. I reach out to him, leaves me on delivered, uses our mutual friends as Messengers and its later i find out that he knew that i told him, after saying i wouldn't tell. But i was so angry and hurt because for one whole hours we watched stayc kpop videos and he would constantly bring up his "ideal type" and i woukd never meet his standards. yaddah yaddah it turns out he did it because he felt violated after we fucked and chose to not cuss me out. well it got me upset and i told my friends in a drunken rage. so now people know a whole other story and its my fault. when we finally talked i kept looking at him and thinking about how beautiful he is and realized no matter what he says or does i'll always love him. i unfollowed him and unliked everything and now we're strangers and its the hardest thing i can do. i don't think we'll ever get back what he had as good acquaintances, let alone be romantic partners unless a miracle happens. i feel awful and every time i see him i just feel guilt. he did nothing wrong. ive apologized and i thinks that's all i can do. i need to respect his space. it's so hard watching him tho and realizing we could've been friends or maybe something more in he future. i keep looking at our old mesages and think to myself "danggg we really were like twin flames"
No. 285753
>>285740 >he did it because he felt violated after we fucked and chose to not cuss me outDude is full of shit and he's twisting everything to make himself into a
victim. He wanted to fuck and then drop you. which he did but this crazy story telling is just an added insult on top. Don't buy into it anon. Don't waste your energy feeling guilt when you're not the bad guy.
No. 285786
>>285775>great you can confirm you’re well adjusted at my expenseRead back your own post and tell me that guy is well adjusted.
I mean there's no shortage of women who are into that kind of thing (for whatever reason, trauma) But for him to put you through 2 weeks of that when you're uncomfortable is pretty much on par with those guys if not… worse.
No. 285806
>>285775 let me parse this a bit
>you express psychic discomfort at something>your partner turns it into a degrading sex act and makes you engage in it for two weeks>he then says it was for his own psychological benefit, in a way that sounds completely contrived?he couldn't even cook something evil but logical like 'i wanted to brute force your way out of the trauma'. he made it about him.
I don't want to sound remotely trad here, but the answer to like more than half of the questionings in this thread is
please price yourself ///way/// higher than this in the dating market
No. 285813
>>285775I don't even believe age regression is real but
>>285806 is right. And so is
>>285800. You don't violated, you were violated. Don't minimize what happened to cope with it.
No. 285930
>>285906i suggest she doesn't indulge in even more stupid swiping like your dumbass originally said
and probably to stop falling for stupid american meme dating mores that don't seem to fit her and possibly her culture (tbh it doesn't even fit burgers, you guys are just completely oblivious and retarded when it comes to culturally introjected patterns of self-destruction)
No. 285932
>>285534>>285544Been in the same situation as your friend except no opening relationship/fucking other guys. I agree with you.
Though OP also needs mental health, i think her ocd got worse and she caught "the ick" from her bf
No. 286002
>>286000I'm sorry that happened to you.
You said no and he did it anyway.
Your boyfriend is a rapist. Aside from breaking up with him, my advice is to not be alone with him anymore and to call a hotline like women's aid if you need someone to talk to. Do you live together?
No. 286021
>>286000Anons above me are right, that's rape. No is no. You don't cope with it, you see it for what it is and break up with your rapist.
also
>>286010>You need to get the fuck out of that relationship because there is no coming back from rape.>Do not let him control the narrative.This. If there's anything you take from these posts, take this, take it seriously and listen to it. Anon is 100% right.
No. 286080
File: 1662565560253.png (353.24 KB, 445x427, 1639246828942.png)
>>285838It's going great, we've shared a lot, had intimate, open conversations about the things that matter, and we want the same things. There's a lot of attraction, spontaneous caring gestures, protectiveness, interest for every part of our lives. We've been exclusive after the first date because of how good we vibed, and after 7 weeks we're definitely growing feelings.
I was thinking of maybe waiting another week or two and probe the topic. Am I nervous? Yes. Am I scared? Shitless. But I don't know, it feels right and I never felt this way before. And regardless, there's no guarantees in life anyway. Sometimes you gotta leave fear behind.
Wish me to break a leg, anons.
No. 286350
>>286314You're not crazy anon, I would be worried too and honestly something is probably going on. I think you should move onto the next chapter in your life. You should be enjoying your college years without worrying about a what a moid may or may not be doing. Him dropping communication is a bad sign and his actions are disrespectful. Love ya
nonnie, everything will work out.
No. 286359
>>286314Are you both homebodies usually? If so, then he has no excuse sorry to say. You could just call each other on discord and do other things in the background while catching up. If he can't do that much in an ldr, then I wouldn't expect this to last.
t. was in an ldr for a long time
No. 286570
>>286368Who is initiating all these dates you two are going on? Does he realize that your dates are actually dates and not just socializing between acquiantances? If he does, then how can you be sure that he 99% doesn't want a relationship with you if you two keep going on dates? Did he reject you in some way?
My advice to you is that, since you already realize that these dates aren't going anywhere, stop going on these dates since you want something more, I don't know how you can put up with these dates if you're 99% sure that they aren't going anywhere.
No. 286653
File: 1662709305112.png (153.43 KB, 400x400, tumblr_ptru9yvZoJ1sx8ybdo2_400…)
What are some fast ways to get over a crush on a guy with a girlfriend? I met him at a metal show and gave him my number after, we've been texting and I definitely have a thing for him. He mentioned he had a girlfriend and I feel super weird talking to him now. He invited me to a show next weekend in a "I'm going to this thing and you can come if you like" way, and I'm not sure if going is a good idea for my feelings, but the show could be cool and exposure would help me get over it? I don't know what to do, I feel super mixed up right now.
No. 286721
File: 1662732856231.png (1.44 MB, 1880x1040, weebs.png)
>>286711Weebs are universally despised for being perverted scrotes, seethe about it you stinky weebshit.
No. 286962
>>286882I've only dated men so its different but I've trusted partners with a bit of detail (because that act is off the table for me now, not that its something all women are into anyway) It came back to bite me on the ass as soon as we had relationship issues. It was thrown back in my face in a way. In hindsight I really wish I had never given either of those partners that senstive info. Two strikes and I'm done trusting anyone with anything more than 'something happend to me as a kid'
I feel like it's not as risky with a female partner or someone who also has a csa past but still.. if you break up some day and that person is walking around forever carrying this sensitive info on you it can play on your mind and be an unsetting thought. If the break up gets ugly its sick how low some people will go to hurt you. I would rather give less detail than give too much.
No. 287027
File: 1662828794156.jpeg (209.67 KB, 1024x768, FBCA8293-6E22-4557-BBC9-4A30AD…)
I’d been hooking up with this girl and the sex was absolutely amazing. We would have sleepovers and go do stuff together too, she specifically asked me if I wanted to be “best friends who have sex” because she wasn’t over her ex and that sounded perfect to me.
Around the sixth time we hung out, she finally told me about her ex. Basically he had broken up with her to “work on himself” but they were planning on getting back together in a few months. She told me that she was taking this time to “experiment with her sexuality” and that she wasn’t seeing men out of respect for him. She also said that he wasn’t really comfortable with her seeing other people during this time. This made me feel really gross and used.
Yesterday I asked her what would happen when her and her ex got back together and she said that she had assumed that we would just stop having sex and be friends. I asked if she would tell her boyfriend about us and she said no, he would never have to know. I left after that and have no plans of speaking to her again. Am I wrong for not being okay with our relationship being a secret?
No. 287039
>>287027Disgusting, she should have found another bihet girl to experiment with.
>she wasn’t seeing men out of respect for himBut she didn't want to respect you by informing you of this arrangement? One more proof that spicy straights only see SSA as a phase and not real.
No. 287496
File: 1662993796856.jpg (850.58 KB, 1614x2048, 1645692245288.jpg)
I'm in a relationship with a semi-famous guy. He gets a lot of attention from young pretty women all the time and I'm struggling with how to deal with it. I don't feel confident in myself, I'm nothing special.. And getting old. Sometimes I want to end the relationship just so I don't have to feel insecure.
What do?
No. 287513
>>287496I was in the same situation with my husband, but I stopped feeling insecure about it after a while because he never interacts with his fangirls. He doesn't reply to them or talk to them privately, even before he met me he didn't do this because he knows how many famous guys have had their careers ruined by fucking around with fans. Even if your interactions with them are innocent it could always be taken out of context to he just does not engage at all. He also shows me when women e-mail or DM him and is very transparent in general, honestly most of those girls are just cringe as fuck and we laugh about it together.
If it was any other way I doubt I would have entered this relationship tho, like if your boyfriend talks to his fans privately I would absolutely get the fuck out of that relationship.
No. 287734
File: 1663086724904.jpeg (29.72 KB, 540x540, 1610491903320.jpeg)
How do I deal with the fact that I will never be loved back the same way that I love my boyfriend? I believe my bf loves me as much as a man is capable of loving someone, but I know that it will never compare to the kind of love I have for him. I know not all women feel this way, but for me when I am in love then I genuinely do not find other moids attractive or look after them or have any interest in them whatsoever. I give a lot of love and I sacrifice a lot for my partner, I do everything possible to just be the best girlfriend in the world, every day I try to make him happy and fulfill all of his needs. I just really wish that it was possible to find someone like that who treats me the same and isn't looking at other women, but I think it's just against male nature and instinct, since their brains are always looking for other fertile females to jump, even if they have everything they could ever want at home already. My perfect boyfriend wouldn't ever be attracted to other women, just like me. But that just doesn't exist because men are not wired that way. Just makes me so sad and depressed.
No. 287738
>>287735You can find a man who doesn't watch porn, that is the best case scenario but honestly those men still will look at women on the internet or on the street an want to fuck them. They can't not look at a fertile female and think of sex, even the "good ones". It just doesn't exist.
>>287736I guess that's the best case scenario. I really wish I wouldn't love him so much or would at least also be attracted to other people to make it fair. I think if I had those same thoughts about men other than him then at least I wouldn't feel so bad cause "it's just human", but I just don't so I know that it's possible and it makes me sad cause I don't have someone who loves me like that.
No. 287741
>>287734Men don’t express empathy the same even your dream man will disappoint you in other ways. Relationships are work. Mine doesn’t watch porn and if he did I’d leave. I’ve made it clear. If you want someone else go be with someone else. How is a video on the Internet different from a video on a dating app or from a coworker? You like her? Go be with her.
Women I think are wired different. The way we care is different but I think that’s true for a lot more than sex anon. I wouldn’t settle for your sake.
No. 287752
>>287751Honestly I think they are just bothered by it because it excites them and makes them think about sex and that distracts them from what they were doing. But that's also because their animal brains can't help but look and be excited by it. It wouldn't bother them if they just scrolled past and didn't think much of it, but every time they see a naked/sexualized woman their monkey brain goes "ooga booga I want sex now".
I also think that it's on purpose that men are constantly exposed to porn and "sexy women" content all over the internet, I think it's to keep men weak and docile and addicted to porn. Companies use it to their advantage, the government also benefits from having their citizens all be easily controlled brainwashed coomer cattle. Part of it is also just because men enjoy it I think. Just look at 4chan and how there is porn on every single board. They can't even talk about their hobbies without having porn everywhere. They can't go 5 minutes without getting their dicks hard.
No. 287758
>>287756Here you go (I’m a boomer pls no bully)
<iframe src="
https://archive.org/embed/PornographyMenPossessingWomenAndreaDworkinPdf" width="560" height="384" frameborder="0" webkitallowfullscreen="true" mozallowfullscreen="true" allowfullscreen></iframe>
No. 287764
>>287762It doesn't happen to me. I also don't think men can look at an attractive woman or a porny image on the internet and not imagine having sex with her. I have been on male dominated sites on the internet for a long time and the way they talk about women is utterly disgusting, it's not just the "Imagine the smellz" memes they post, they openly talk about how they follow women with a nice ass around in public to watch it as long as possible and imagine how she would moan etc.
Sometimes I fall into this pit of despair where I think "if only I was prettier/hotter/had a nicer body then maybe my boyfriend would be so attracted to me that I would become the only one for him." like it's my fault for not being good enough that he can't stop looking at other women and it just sucks. Like I never catch him staring at me or looking at me while I am doing something, I guess that's because he is used to my presence and I am not "new" anymore. Idk. It makes me think about getting older and less attractive, while attractive women on the internet will always be young and beautiful. I will never be able to keep up and just be his ugly old wife he is now bound to while he will still want to bang 18-22 year olds. Like what if our children are teenagers and they bring home their friends, will my husband oogle the attractive teenage girls that my kids are friends with? Will he imagine sex with them and have to hold himself back? This shit really makes me want to rope.
No. 287792
>>287513Thank you, nice to hear from someone in a similar situation. You seem to have a healthy relationship! This is exactly what I want as well. But he keeps talking to his fangirls.
>>287526I trust him most of the time.. But a part of me does not. I'm still figuring out if I can or not. Not sure yet if my intuition is trying to tell me something, or if I'm just simply insecure.
>>287730He's very polite and friendly to anyone and everyone, though I haven't seen him flirt with them. He says he can't be too blunt with his fangirls because he doesn't want to hurt them, that's his greatest fear. He has to keep contact with them to avoid making them feel bad, he says.. Makes me feel like he cares more about their feelings than mine.
No. 287801
>>287793You're right.. but I don't know how to even phrase it or start that conversation with him. When it comes to things like this I feel literally brain dead and just trapped with him forever. I guess it's partially my fault things got this way. I'll try to think of something to say
>>287788I'm coping so hard by telling myself he's just going through a rough phase and that him texting me all day is enough effort to sustain a relationship. But it's been like this for at least 2 or 3 years now, fuck me. I'm sorry you went through the same nonna
No. 287816
>>287780Okay, but what about all the men who are completely devoted to their gfs/wives but aren't shouting it from the rooftops or aren't terminally online to be posting about it? Majority of the men I've met are shit too, but I realize I've only met a small portion of them.
>99% of men consume pornography every day despite being in happy relationships and marriages.A lot of them do, but it's nowhere near 99%, come on.
Also, I'm not trying to defend men, but I hate the people who bitch and moan about their nigel. What you want is out there, but not if you settle for men who jerk off to porn and follow 5000 instagirls.
No. 287838
>>287828Scrutinize him on why he feels that way so you can know where it’s coming from. It’s not your responsibility to fix his insecurities, but you should understand why he thinks this way, and if it’s something you can offer support for, then maybe you can help in some way. He should deal with that on his own mostly though, if you’re not doing anything to cause it, and it’s him being overly emotional, then he should work on that himself. If he’s lacking some sort of achievements, then maybe he should get involved in some sort of productive, or creative activities he can do on his own, or with you. If he feels like he doesn’t offer you as much as you offer him, then maybe he should work on being a better lover in whatever ways you think would make both of you feel better. If it’s an issue of him comparing himself to other people, for whatever reason, then he needs to understand that every relationship is different, and won’t look the same way. If you’re both happy, and able to work well together, then he should be content. But still, he has to focus on his own mentality, and you shouldn’t bend over backwards if his reasoning seems irrational, and there isn’t a way to meaningfully change his mind. His insecurities could also lead to destructive behavior at some point, so it’s best he changes in lasting ways, and there isn’t a doubt in his mind about things.
No. 288022
>>288003Male retards & cripples are not your friends. The government (or parents, depending on how cucked his boymom is) literally pays so they can go on rape trips. If you spend even a non-substantial amount of time on male dominated places online, you will see a photo or two of male tards surrounded by tens of half naked foreign, impoverished women. For every prostituted woman who can afford to say no to this, there are 10 who can’t. And there are absolutely none who will not be severely traumatised from a conjoined twin with downs forcing himself on her, but if you ask disability activists they suffer so much more than them wahmen folk. They will rape you and then yell at you for oppressing them. If a male is functional enough to blink, there is no evolutionary reason he wouldn’t be functional enough to be a sex pest. Males are cancer cells that have no aim but to fuck, existing despite not being or wanting to be capable of fucking is against their very nature. You could take this further and say that every non-sterilised male cripple is a menace upon society, whether they spend their few waking moments angry at the fact they can’t fuck or raping impoverished women with the help of the state, if you weren’t afraid of the “hate speech” brown shirts showing up at your doorstep.
So no, even if you’re dating a blind-deaf man (wtf?) you can be sure the state/his family tried to get some poor woman to suck his smegma encrusted dick. There are even campaigns for creating rape on tape for men with various disabilities to coom to, the most popular being audio for blind scrotes.
So no, your Nigel hasn’t stopped watching porn because you nicely asked him to. If he can, he will. The reason previous generations had a substantial amount of men who didn’t is because there were a substantial amount of men who didn’t have internet connection. Things have changed a lot, some millennial women just don’t get how bad it is even if they’re very close to us in age. I’m a zoomer and I can tell you that I never had a male classmate who had reached puberty but didn’t. I could swear on a bible in court.
No. 288071
>>288017This is what they do. I don't have kids but I'm in my thrities so alot of my friends do and as soon as that baby is in you they see it as their ticket to get away with shit because you desperately want to keep the family together, like
>>288027This is the exact thought they take advantage of. I know women who have stuck it out for a few years. Fought about broken promises and broken boundaries but fought to stay together for the sake of the baby. They still end up a single mom at the end. You're between a rock and a hard place and theres no win once pregnant by a man like that. I hate that men default to this gross shit time and again.
No. 288144
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i don't understand why i can't behave as myself around my bf. we've been together for 3 years, he was my first, i'm not afraid of my bodily functions around him, i even take baths with him in the bathroom so i feel less lonely, but when i want to do super specific shit i have always done without anyone else seeing (2 things. 1 is sewing because i am shit and concious about it and 2 is taking detailed pictures of items i bought so if i ever lose them i miss them less) i just can't do it! and now i have a pile of items i need to finish sewing and stuff i need to take pictures of, but i can't. i'm hoping he'll leave and go somewhere soon, though he works from home, so i don't know.. why am i like this?? but i am also starting to blame him bc he nags on me about the piles, not because they're giant, but i guess because he knows i just can't do what i usually do? or does he just think i am lazy? but i don't feel lazy, i feel uneasy doing it around him. fuck.
No. 288900
>>285813>I don't even believe age regression is realI wish it wasn't. It makes me feel like a dirty and useless product of my csa.
>>285827It came up in the first place because he was criticizing ddlg-fags and we never had piv-sex during, just made out and stuff. I did briefly think this, like maybe he enjoyed it and panicked. He's religious and isn't into kinky stuff. Plus the whole sexualization of children thing… But at the same time if he enjoyed it I think it was more because of me than anything else, not the regression. Hope that makes sense
>>286768You're right but we are on a break. I never outright said no so I can't bring myself to blame him for assuming I was open to "experimenting". I thought it was obvious tbh but men are dumb. Plus he stopped it all by himself so, at least he realized eventually it was shitty. I'm also embarrassed so don't feel like confronting him and having him throw it back on my face defensively or wtv.
No. 289096
>>289089That's pretty much what I'm getting out of their friendship. I think I need to emphasize on unhealthy internet habits and friendships. I've already told him one of his friends was demanding and he has kinda settled down talking to that friend.
Since meeting my boyfriend, I don't even use the internet as often as I used to and he's observed this. He knows he wants to be more offline, he's said this multiple times and I think this friend shouldn't be around to make him feel good, he's like a rope trying to drag him down with him.
>>289087I really hope not. Ive had an ex troon out once before and he knows this. Him and another online friend who he considers his best friend talk about troon insanity often. It's mostly just this one friend who is like a doorway to the degenerate side of the internet he keeps around for that factor. For the fact he's legally insane,
I have a belief my boyfriend is afraid to make this guy upset for the fact he's so online. I've seen his friend try to DM him during times we would spend nights away from the computer together and my boyfriend would indirectly respond in annoyance "Shut up, I'm busy." Not trying to indicate I Can Fix Him, but I may need to directly ask my bf his opinion of this internet friend of his and how his presence affects his well-being.
No. 289097
>>289079An adult man making up lies to impress an online friend who is some 'legally insane' perma online loser is not normal. I think alot of us have had that one friend growing up who makes up some white lies to sound more interesting but anyone doing that as an adult to impress a purely online friend.. I'd be very wary of anchoring yourself to a man like that.
Getting him to end the friendship is a start but.. is this guy even someone you want to try and make a future with? is he functional in other areas? Is he diagnosed with anything that'd explain that type of arrested development? There's a reason why hes drawn to insane people and lying to them for attention. That's worrying in itself.
No. 289111
>>289097The only excuses I have for my boyfriend was he used to live in a very small rural town about 120 miles away from any bigger cities for almost 3 years and worked part time. Before that, he was raised by a drugged up parent majority of the time.
He never told me this, but I have seen messages between him and his best friend days before he met me about how life didn't feel worth living anymore.
Something about meeting me committed him to get his act together enough to save up money in a few months to move out to the city I live in and get himself employed full time and pick up hobbies that don't involve an internet connection.
I see a future with him. My best friend was shocked first meeting him and it was because he reminded her of how she used to be a few years ago when she was a hermit. With the progress he's made since we met, it seems certain he is getting tired of the internet friendships he's hanging onto. Now that I think of it, that was one of the first things we ever talked about was dropping internet friends.
No. 289251
>>289246Yeah I think it’s important when he comes over that you let him recognize the severity of the situation. I get that he has anxiety and maybe even trauma from his last gf, but if he knew that was the case he shouldn’t have agreed to move in with you unless he was absolutely sure he could handle it (or even just told you about his reservations beforehand and not last minute). I remember hearing the phrase ‘your mental illness is not your fault but it is your responsibility’ and I thought it was so apt. It’s not his fault that he has anxiety from that past relationship, but it is his fault that he never openly discussed his reservations until moving in with you until the last second. I understand your reasons for wanting to stay in a relationship with him, but I think it’s important he realizes that the reason you’re upset isn’t because he won’t move in with you but that he wasn’t open about how he was feeling and chose to hide it from you. Otherwise, he’s going to think you were upset because he didn’t want to move in and then possibly agree to move in just so you won’t be mad at him anymore and the whole cycle is going to repeat.
That being said, I would be absolutely pissed if I were you. I think you can feel it out tonight and see whether he actually seems to care about what he did and recognizes that what he did was fucked up. Otherwise yeah, I don’t think you want this to be a recurring pattern in your relationship and might as well cut your losses now. Some of my friends who are flaky as fuck because of anxiety frustrate me when they don’t understand how that impacts everyone else. I can’t even imagine if it were for a decision as huge as moving into a place together.
No. 289264
>>289254>>289251We've texted a bit already. I've tried not to be too spicy but I'm pretty angry. Basically 8 months ago I proposed moving in together. He dragged his decision on it out for 2 months without telling me his conclusion, i was under the impression he would say yes until he came back with a last minute no (said anxiety blah blah he wasnt ready yet), which left me with no time to find a new place myself, so I had to stay in my apartment even though they were jacking up the rent. I felt betrayed but stayed quiet about it. Then this time he said he was ready to move in together. We've been apartment hunting the past month. I've put down the money from my account in good faith and knew i was the one taking on all the risk but gave him the benefit of the doubt.
He says he recognizes my problem (looming homelessness), but that isn't the same as having a solution for it. He says he doesn't want to ruin our relationship but I don't think I can stay with him if he backs out, if he's willing to wait last minute to betray me because he has cold feet. He's willing to toss out a 2 year relationship because he is afraid something might go wrong in the future, and in doing so he's ensuring the relationship is ruined. I feel like someone dumped cold water over my head.
>>289260I thought I finally found my life partner, we get along so well and have a lot in common, god I just dont want to have to enter the dating scene again. i feel like giving up on life. people used to get married at 17, now at age 28 they aren't even willing to rent an apartment together. I had to go on so many dates before I found this guy and everything otherwise has been so perfect. But if he really does back out like this won't I have no choice but to dump him? It's pretty much declaring he has no long term intent with me and is unable to commit.
No. 289296
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My boyfriend and I have not said ‘I love you’ to each other yet because he’s not ready. While I do put more value in his actions than just saying the right things I still do not want to be with someone who cannot verbally express his feelings ever. We’ve been dating about 9 months. When we started dating he had just gotten out of a 5 year long relationship and I had just gone through a major death in the family. We got together under the assumption that nothing would turn serious but then it did. He says he’s not fully used to navigating a relationship like ours because his last relationship started in early high school. He said the L word to his last girlfriend very early on but he said it was much easier because he was 16 year old in puppy love. He has told me that he has feelings of love for me but he cannot bring himself to actually say it because the he ‘can’t take it back’. I’ve told him I was willing to take things slow and work on them with him, but I also tried to make it clear that I’m not going to put my life on hold and end up in a decade long convenience relationship either. Personally I feel like his actions do show that he loves me, but at the same time I’m starting to get anxious about how hesitant he is still. He says he psyches himself out and that he puts a lot of the relationship into question when he thinks about how hard it is to say it. I try and tell him that he’s putting too much emphasis on the words and that if he cares about me it shouldn’t get in the way of how we actually are together, but at the same time I don’t want to be waiting on someone’s emotional hangups so forever because they’re projecting old wounds onto me. I feel like a hypocrite as I’m the one who said I can give him time but I’m afraid we’re going to just end up in this loop forever. How should I approach this with him nonnies?
No. 289338
>>289335Anon as of this moment. He is dead to you. He’s a freak. Monster. Defective walking testicle on legs. Treat him as such. Cold. Polite. No hatred. No anger. You’re talking to one of “those” and they don’t matter. You deserve good. You deserve better. He’s a fucked piece of shit.
Give him nothing. No emotions. No actions. Cute him out as much as possible and when he’s gone in December make sure he’s black listed by your company. No recommendations. He’s a con man and a swindler. He slept his way to the top like males do. (Nothing but projection). He’s the worthless one and the taking your power back for you will make him feel it more than anything.
No. 289369
>>289316Not really but I tend to get very anxious and pry. I’ve been trying to do it less with him but I still have my moments where I cross the line between open to digging. I don’t want to put up with this forever but he’s very consistent with other actions.
>>289321I don’t fully understand it either. I’m much more free with my ‘loves’ because in my eyes the present matters more than worrying about unknowns in the future. He’s said he’s very susceptible to becoming codependent as his previous relationships have been very focused on people pleasing and I think that’s why he’s pushing me away more. The way he describes past relationships is very immature imo, like it’s this all consuming obsession and that he and previous partners ‘were the same person’. I want to smack him sometimes and tell him that those are extremely unrealistic goalposts for me and that them being the “””same person””” was probably more due to his own self admitted codependency than any actual real long term compatibility. But I don’t think I can see that as I’ll just come off as jealous new girlfriend.
No. 289377
The guy I'm seeing confuses me so much. Not entirely his fault since I'm autistic and can't always read people. I value communication a lot but he beats around the bush, such as making multiple jokes about a friend he knows I've had sex with in the past before I eventually put 2 and 2 together and told him if he had any questions he could just ask. I had an absence seizure earlier today and when I came to, he seemed annoyed at me for ignoring him. He seems to think I was faking it cos I'm weird, which definitely rubbed me the wrong way. He's been strange and distant since and I eventually just asked him if he was angry, left on read. Before I went to bed, I decided to send another message assuring him that I just wanted to know so we could talk, come to an understanding and resolve it since him ignoring my intial question confirms that hes mad. Once again, left on read. It strikes me as immature and shows me a lack of consideration towards hiw I feel. I'm worried this attitude will negatively impact our relationship going forward. Am I being pushy here, or is he being kind of a dick? Its like earlier since we were meeting up I asked if I should pack a bag or if he wanted an alone night. He said he wanted to be alone and I said "fair enough". He then accused me of being in a mood and made multiple jokes about it, which confused me because I just wanted to know. I'm now wondering if he wanted me to ask to stay at his, which I would have liked to, but I'm not one to push boundries. If somebody says no I respect it and don't feel a need to change their mind. I think I'd just rather him be direct, because otherwise I overthink like I am now
No. 289469
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>>289296Had dinner tonight, it started off really fun and well but ended up in our breakup. I’m tired and too pissed off to fully go into details but he gave me a whole spiel
>Anon I think you’re an amazing person and you’re very special to me>I love hanging out with you>I love being around you>I love getting dinner and drawing with you>I love making you laugh>But I’m still hung up on my codependent high school girlfriend so I need to be alone nowI’m too angry right now to be fully heart torment but I’m just so sick of this self pitying attitude. Hate to say if but it doesn’t matter if you’re with someone or alone if you don’t make the steps at all to fix your shit. Kept brushing off therapy despite knowing you needed it again. Showing me all these caring gestures and romantic nights but you don’t think it’s love because we’re not codependent and you don’t get that high. It was barely two months after my FATHER HAD DIED and while I was terrified to open myself up while grieving that deeply I still did because I felt like you were special. I even started very intensive therapy because I knew that if I did not deal with my massive trauma and grief then I would ruin our relationship, and I’ve been getting much better because I’ve put the effort in on my own fucking time. I’m so fucking sick of this learned helplessness I’m a slave to my emotions bullshit. You will never find the love you crave or deserve if you keep feeling sorry for yourself.
No. 289621
>>289524Does it need to be literally said when they know he's moved in with a woman though. I think most people can fill in the gaps there.
Anyway you could just ask instead of theorizing blindly. Have you? For all you know you could get a straight and plausible answer. And if you don't get a plausible answer well that tells you something too.
No. 289730
>>289729The easiest path would be to just break up as you seem very hesitant to go to the next level with this guy. It sucks trying to get anyone decent out there but it’s still better than a lifetime of feeling trapped.
On the flip side though, if you really don’t want to break up, what kept you from breaking up when you went long distance in the first place? Have you ever felt deeply for him past and things just got dull because of the distance, or have you always just felt lukewarm about him? If it’s the former then it’s possible when you get back together physically you can probably reignite some of that passion. I wouldn’t recommend an outright move to do this but maybe trying to visit each other more can act as a trial run. If it’s the latter and he’s always been just good enough I think you should end things and try and find someone in your area.
No. 289733
>>289732This is my first time posting so sorry if the format is wrong but I really wanted to share.
I was married to a man who is a porn addict for just over a year. I didn't know he was until 2 months into the marriage when I found thousands of porn images on his phone. I went through his Facebook and found proof he is bisexual as well (not something I'm comfortable with). We did the counseling and everything. It got worse and worse and he stole thousands of dollars from his family and me. I later found out he had slept with SEVERAL men. I am now in the process of getting an annulment of my marriage in the Orthodox Church under the grounds of deception due to his homosexual past. When I found out about his porn addiction I had the same instinct to have sex all the time. It does not work with these types and it never works, you can not help them and they will continue to lie and take your spirit from you.
> I definitely feel like I may end up leaving him somedayI had felt like leaving him for months and did when I was strong enough to, if you are strong enough and have some financial backing - that's what I would recommend. I'm so sorry this is happening to you.
No. 289784
>>289732For starters, focus on your baby and focus on remaining pregnancy to be as least stressed as possible because soon your little one is going to need all your attention and you need to prep yourself for that.
Seems like you are in a tough spot with this dude, You are breaking boundaries going through his phone, he is just fucking around being addicted to porn. If porn is an emotional infidelity and that boundary is eroding or was never there needs to be therapy or a conversation refresher, but it sounds like this situation has been making you miserable from the start. Your child will appreciate a stable household, and you can provide it as a single person, do it from the start and the child will grow to understand and not care.
No. 289925
My ex and I broke up few months ago, but stayed friends (kind of). We used to talk, he would text me first, all seemed normal. Then he would answer for ages and didn't text first anymore. So I stopped as well, for the most part - at first I would initiate a conversation sometimes, like once a week or more rarely (because I didn't really understand what had changed and why), then I just asked him a couple of questions only he could give answers to (mundane stuff related to the past) and that's it because it became apparent he doesn't want to talk for some reason. I presumed he decided to distance himself after all, although it didn't seem like it was so hard for him to process the end of our relationship (I was the initiator, and I had a good reason from my point of view) because he told me himself he started losing feelings for me even before that happened. And as I said, everything seemed fine, our relationships were mostly neutral-friendly as I saw it. Despite breaking up, I still care for him and all. So anyways, recently he suddenly deleted me from his friends list on social media. We haven't talked since the start of this month, nothing dramatic happened or anything. I kind of get why he could do that, but it's still… weird? considering how seemingly normal everything used to be. I actually thought of asking him why he got all quiet all of a sudden, then decided against it, and now I'm confused and want to ask what happened. But should I? Is it a good idea? Or it's better just to let go?
No. 289939
>>289933>>289928Thanks for answers, nonnas!
As for him hoping for reconciliation… well, I actually asked a couple of months ago if he wanted to meet up and talk about our relationships and all, but he said that he didn't want to meet yet and that he thinks it doesn't really work between us. I thought our conversations would die after that, but he started to text me more often and it was somehow livelier than before. But then this happened. That's why I got confused, but well, I don't know what he was thinking all this time. I guess even without wanting to get back together, it could've been hard for him to move on, we've been together for five years, there are lots of memories and all. And it's the same for me, it's just that I have a hard time letting go and can't properly distance myself, so I live with sadness and regrets that last for months and years. Well, time to unlearn this old stupid behavior.
No. 290079
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>>289941Thank you, nonna! I wish you something or someone good too, whatever is more relevant for you right now hehe.
No. 290081
>>290075It's realistic and easy since men are easy but think long and hard if and why you want to do it. Plenty of really attractive men are exactly into that, just having a casual sex and never interacting on any deeper level; from my experience it most of them would want to meet more than once if it's nice, but they would be just as eager to have it as one night stand, since men love just getting their hookups score up. On the most superficial level I'd say, make sure to be careful before you invite anyone to your home; nothing bad ever happened to me and most likely bad scenario is just disappointing sex but you can never be too careful. Hooking up in a hotel is a perfectly
valid idea.
Now, once again, personal experience, spoilered bc it's just anecdotal
for me it was really fun for a few months, eventually i got too bored, and as more time passed (and I started doing therapy lol) it really hurt my already almost non-existent self esteem; I was not aware at the time but I was feeding off that temporary attention, thinking I'm good and valuable because all of these men wanted to have sex with me, and as it sunk in I was just a number on their hookup list it really worsened my sense of value, to this day I still feel the only way I can be liked is if I'm available for every guy. It's just me, absolutely doesn't have to be you, but please make sure with yourself you're not going for it for the wrong reasons. Sorry if it sounds preachy, and I hope it's not the case for you No. 290092
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how do you deal with your partner's family potentially disliking you? i thought at first i was liked, but my boyfriend worked at his cousin's company working crazy ass amount hours for free, replacing the cousin who would take a lot of vacations, no pay, etc etc and ever since he met me, he has stopped doing those long hours, working the scheduled 40 hrs, not coming to work on his days off when he gets called last minute etc etc. Now the cousin fired him, and told him, and his family of workaholics that ever since he met me, he has changed. my bf had defended me and has taken my side but now i feel like shit that thats how they feel about me.
i want my bf to keep having a relationship with his immediate family at the least
No. 290153
>>290151If you’re slapping him with the intention of hurting him, then that is
abusive. You should seek counseling, or figure out some coping mechanisms to use when upset so you stop slapping him.
No. 290217
>>290208Depends on what you mean by insecurity, because some things that are labeled as insecurity in women are actually just normal reactions to degenerate shit their partner does. For example, getting upset over their partner looking at porn, ogling other women, etc. Imo, real insecurity is being constantly afraid your partner is going to leave you or is cheating on you for no reason, thinking you're not good enough for them, and so on.
Real insecurity can push your partner away because it shows you don't have trust in them, in yourself, and in the relationship.
No. 290228
>>290220He sounds like such a fag, and I'm sorry he wasted your time. A lot of men are massively insecure about their ability to keep their partner happy, but at the same time will expect you to throw a pity party and validate their lack of effort and care. And "fight for them" as you said.
You know, his type of insecurity is also a form of narcissism imo. Because it becomes all about him and how useless/pathetic he feels instead of about how much he loves you, how important the relationship is, and so on. It's a bit of a paradox; very low self-esteem can cause someone to only care about themselves and what they experience.
No. 290235
>>290228It hurts a lot because when he wasn’t throwing pity parties he actually was a really great partner. Very sweet and attentive and I just loved being around him. But he would keep pulling away because something
triggered him and I’d have to ground him. I could work with him on these issues if he was actually getting help outside of just me but he wasn’t. I really don’t want things to end with him but this isn’t fair to me at all.
It totally is.
I used to be like that kek They’re so up in their head and have such bad self esteem they can’t seem to fathom that people DO care about them and that when they pull this shit it affects others. In a way it’s pitiful but it’s exhausting trying to be around these people. Nothing is ever enough and the way he thinks I shouldn’t be upset when he self sabotages really pisses me off. Blah blah blah mental illness but Jesus Christ maybe learn to open yourself up to what’s uncomfortable? Kindness and real love definitely feel wrong if you have a lot trauma but it’s never going to fucking get better if you shut down all your opportunities to improve.
No. 290361
>>290330This might sound paranoid, but knowing how some men are, are you sure he broke up with her?
It just seems so random that she blocked you. He could've made her do that, giving her some "elaborate" reason, and making things more convenient for him that way. "Anxious" cheaters can be pretty manipulative. They like to get what they want, but they will do anything to avoid consequences. Call me crazy, I don't care, I had a tough life.
No. 290378
>>290370>dating 40 year oldStopped reading there. Unless you’re like 30+ yourself that’s so dumb. Men die earlier than women so dating older men is unnatural and means you’re more likely to die alone even if you both stay together forever. Men who are 35+ carry way more mutations in their sperm that leads to more schizo and autistic offspring.
There’s literally no upside to dating older men unless you have severe daddy issues and want a stable mature man who will ‘take care of you’, by the sounds of it he seems like an annoying immature hypocritical whiny pissbaby.
No. 290414
>>290330why the fuck would you stalk the girl, who you stealed her boyfriend from (this is literally her perspective of the situation)? It does not matter if you were old flames for her it is cheating and she is obviously not blind and can see after a month (!) where he probably already posted about you (or their mutal friends talked about you), that he cheated on her. If it is a small town and he is shortly fater her in a relationship it does not take a genius to know that he cheated. Fucking move on and yes, if it comes back to you, you and your scrote deserve it. I also want to bet that at least one friend of yours thinks that you both should have waited. He cheated and you knew he was in a relationship (even if it was not going that great) and you still slept with him. Take the L, because you could have both waited at least 3 months to not make it obvious that he cheated. Also, stop checking on the girl you helped getting cheated on. I can kind of understand stalking at least once an ex of your partner, but not the ex of your partner who you helped being cheated on. This just screams about you being insecure, because you have literally no reason to be nosey about her. Have some morals and keep your distance from her, especially since it seems like you two could not even wait a decent amount of time in a small town. Pretty much everyone, who interacts with him and her will know (now that you are together and probably going outside together) that he cheated. Sooner or later he will find it out anyway, so it does not matter if you tell him or not (you also probably only want to gossip or cry about it to him) but please let the poor girl be left alone. It will mostly come back to you and it should be obvious to you two that the whole town will talk about you, so no warning should be needed considering it is such an obvious situation
No. 290433
>>290330I know you don't want to hear this but cheaters will cheat again. You're worried about whether to tell him because you don't like keeping things from him but.. there's a painful irony there given what you both did to this woman. I don't blame her for blocking. She's the injured party here and probably just wants to move on without you online stalking her. Men who cheat tend to paint their exes as 'the bad guy' and get their new girl on board with some twisted version of the cheating being acceptable. Nothing good will come from you watching her online. She knows that.
Don't reward cheating. It doesn't matter if he was already thinking about leaving her. He's still a cheat and you're choosing that as a partner. Will you end up in her position too down the line? Seems likely. Enjoy the incoming paranoia over when he'll do the same thing to you.
No. 290702
>>290684break up with him over text
nonnie. He does not deserve more, considering he broke up with you 3 times and does not even spend a second on thinking of you. He probably goes to parties there and cheats on you right now (especially since he probably also does not write you to pretend he is single and so that he will not even have a slight feeling of guilt). Why waste your time to meet up with him? If he is actually serious about your relationship than he would write you. Do you givehim money or do you cook his food or something? Ruin his vacation by letting him know you won't be his bangmaid anymore
>>290690there is no way he is not cheating on her right now. She should tell him so that he panics how his bangmaid is not there when he gets back and that his trip is ruined because of it
No. 290993
>>290986>In matters of the heart people will not listen to you no matter what you tell them.I hate to admit but you're right. Seen way too many friends make easily preventable mistakes and lash out at people helping them.
And good point about keeping her busy and distracting her, they're basically in opposite timezones already and a lot of their "relationship" is just texting "gn" and "gm", kek. I'll make an effort to drag her with me to places and introduce her to single friends, she's otherwise and introvert with few friends of her own like most e-daters tend to be.
No. 291010
>>291004Be wiser than to date a man from a culture where women are expected to be helpless and submissive.. He's been taught to consider women to be inferior and must be submissive, you're not the expectation in how he looks at women just because you're not from his culture.
Anyway to me it sounds like he's bringing it up only jokingly to test the waters until you start showing interest, then it suddenly won't be a joke anymore.
No. 291019
>>291011He was completely different in the beginning of our (one and a half year old) relationship. I miss those days.
He’s been persistently joking about other weird stuff too, like how a lot of guys are interested me so I’ll leave him for them (I’m hot and smart, no larp) and that he should start flirting with other women to show me that he can “still pull.”
We are long distance now because he graduated (I’m still in college) and he took the best job he could get in a city far away. I can’t blame him for that, but it’ll be years before we’re living in the same area again, possibly many. I feel like I might be wasting time on something that’s doomed to fail, whether it’s because of how much time we’ll be away, whether he internally wants a housewife and don’t admit/realize it until later, whether he’ll snap on his parents not liking me and dump me, etc. But he liked me before I got hot and has stayed with me through my worst, pretty rough times, so it’s hard to leave.
No. 291036
>>291019 >He was completely different in the beginning of our (one and a half year old) relationship. I miss those days.Nta but he was on his best behaviour in the beginning, like many are. I've been wrapped up in not wanting to let guys go before because I still held onto hope that they'd return to how they acted in the first year or so. Thing is they don't. The version of him that you're seeing right now is the real him. And its still early enough that theres room for it to get worse.
I've learnt the hard way to just take men how they are right now and to let go of the ideal version they portrayed in the beginning. Its not coming back.
No. 291314
>>291084If he works from home and still barely leaves the house on his time off then that's really not healthy. I've struggled with agoraphobia in the past and been in various stages of recovery from it. It never fully goes away but Ime I know the only way I can maintain a happy relationship is if I keep on top of it and am able to get out every weekend at least. And that means motivating myself go get up and out and not just relying on someone else to drag me out the door. It shouldn't be a partners battle to fight on your behalf. I don't think its fair that you're in this position right now. The broken promises in particular..
>i don't think he is making me happy anymore because he's always making me sad… with empty promises and being uninterested in the things that i like, even though i listen to him sperg about his interests all the time. i keep waiting for it to get betterThis is right up at the top of the list of
valid reasons to leave someone. You're not happy. Change isn't happening. Promises aren't being followed through on. You're not in the wrong for wanting to leave.
No. 291354
>>291120>whenever i suggest something, he's very agreeable but at the last moment he says he actually just wants to stay homeI haven't personally been in such a situation so take with a grain of salt but my first thought was: if he promises to go out with you, he needs to keep that promise. It's disrespectful to you and your time to cancel last minute. Once? Well that happens, but repeatedly is a deliberate misuse and disrespect of your time.
But like another anon said, the reasons you listed are 100% fine to break up with him if this is no longer making you happy (in fact you need no reason at all). You might love him, or even feel like you owe him because he helped with your mental health, but love doesn't mean he's the right person for you nor does it guarantee happiness.
No. 291373
>>291354yeah he's done this way more than once and i feel like it's because he just wants to make me happy in the moment by saying yes but when the time comes he gets psyched out and would rather be comfortable at home. but i still can't forget that for our third anniversary he flaked out on me and decided to come the day later to have dinner, like what's the point of that. it's really hard because i love him and before this relationship i'd always thought love alone would be enough to keep people together but now that i'm a little older i know that's not true. but i'm somehow convincing myself that he hasn't done anything wrong just because he hasn't cheated/been
abusive or anything and he seems to love me so i have no reason to leave him. i feel so retarded i'm just so scared that if i leave him i'll never find another guy like him, fuck he would be perfect if he just put the smallest amount of effort in but he doesn't
No. 291381
>>291377There's no such thing as the one. There's nearly 8 billion people on this planet, you just fell in love with one of the uncountable many you could've fallen in love with and there's a whole lot of compatible people out there for you.
You sounds underage.
No. 291420
>>291416Don't listen to his words and look at his
actions and rationalize accordingly: if he wasn't porn addicted/a creep why would he relate ponytails, literally a simple hairstyle, to sex? you know the answer already
No. 291431
>>291420Well I know you meant you reply rhetorically but I have snooped and never found anything. Not completely writing it off but maybe he has eaten up the “slutty non-white woman” stereotype in the media? In the picture I showed him the only woman with a non-“high” hairstyle was white. She had her hair down. One of the other women was black or latina with a high ponytail and the other was east asian with something similar to Bantu knots. So maybe that was the only reason he said that. He said he didn’t know why so it sounds like something he believes unubconsciously. Maybe if they had been white he would have said something different but now I’ll never know.
He also has long hair and wears it down or in a low ponytail, so maybe he doesn’t understand why anyone would do anything else he considers elaborate? I know I’m not making him sound great by mentioning this but femininity makes him insecure and he takes issue with it, even prefers when I don’t express it much.
Maybe it was a way to discourage me? Maybe he really just thinks it looks bad
Or maybe in his experience promiscous women have had high ponytails or “weird” hairstyles?
No. 291437
>>291431The fact that he wants to control something about your physical appearance is a strong predictor that he will turn
abusive soon. I understand why you want to assume it’s something else (race, his personal style etc) but it’s dangerous.
No. 291465
>>291458there were warning signs but i was too young and stupid to notice them, i turned 18 while we were dating but we started dating at 17 and 23 now 18 and 24
he had convinced me it was all ok because it was "just drawings" (hentai) but it never made me feel ok because the hentai he liked was of super skinny loli girls when im kind of chubby with big boobs and muscle from playing volleyball for a long number of years
basically i just dont trust any man that mentions porn
No. 291511
>>291508I'm not the anon with a bf though.
>moids don't have good imagination. they require visual stimulus to get off.Not true. Just because most scrotes nowadays have broken their brain with porn, doesn't mean that's the natural state of things. Stop coping for your own porn addiction.
No. 291512
>>291511i don't have a porn addiction i can easily go months without masturbating. moids are visual creatures. that is a fact. that is why porn is catered to moids, whereas erotic literature is catered towards women. their masturbation habit is different becuz their psychology is different because their biological drives r different.
before porn, men would frequent brothels. would you prefer that?
No. 291518
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>>291516moids are not well adjusted people. their very essence in being is not being well adjusted. in fact it is their one and only virtue. because in order to achieve things one has to be a freak and a lunatic with respect to public morality.
>>291511>doesn't mean that's the natural state of thingsyeah, the natural state of things is moids having multiple partners through sexual conquest. why is the 'natural state' supposedly good? if you care about monogamy the 'natural state' is actually far worse.
>>291514idc. i'm just here to speak my truth.
No. 291536
>>291528op of the original situation. despite my waffling and confusion, this sentiment is what i feel in my gut. weighing my options carefully rn.
thanks to everyone for their advice/input.
No. 291547
>>291377 >The problem with finding The One so early in life is that losing them means you have to live with a horrific absence for so longTry not to buy into the whole 'the one' way of viewing relationships. In reality alot of people have several long term meaningful relationships across their lifetime. Thats just how its more likely to play out. It's a healthier way of viewing things and dealing with loss. I wish we wouldn't promote that idea of 'the one' to young women as it sets us up for more pain when things go south. I remember I was in bits after losing my first love and those same ideals didn't exactly help me to process it. I thought my life was over.
Sorry you're going through this. You'll get through it and it won't hurt as much after some time. You never know what your life might look like a few short years from now. This'll pass and be a distant memory.
No. 291550
>>291549you feel SAD that a man is able murder and beat people to death? that's a cause for celebration for me. it is not often you can find a man that encapsulates this ancient civic VIRTUE. plenty of MEN enjoy VIOLENCE. (but far too many today are COWARDS who shy away from it) and I happen to enjoy men who enjoy VIOLENCE.
but go be in your socially acceptable healthy monogamous relationship in standart missionary position seks, if THAT is what you enjoy. more power to u.
No. 291557
>>291555>socially approved and endorsed subservient doormat if that is what you enjoyPROJECTION
who said I was a doormat? I kick ASS, and I can kick anyones ass. why would I expect anything less from my man?
No. 291560
>>291555>you're a subservient pussy bitch because you're scared to approach "violent" men with concerns and boundariesI never said I wouldn't. I wouldn't be with anyone who would give me a fucking STD for starters. I just said I wouldn't mind some sleeping around is all. I think it's healthy for a male.
>You don't know how to have a man by his ballsYes I do? If they betrayed me I would kill them.
No. 291562
File: 1664555499215.png (229.83 KB, 680x450, dd0.png)
wtf is going on?
No. 291564
>>291563I like expensive things, i like pampering myself, i like not working, and i like having my brains fucked out. if my needs are met and my children are born into wealth, have a good life and education then I don't give a FUCK. THESE are my needs, and if my SO fails to meet my needs THAT is betrayal. not them fucking around.
>go kiss your boyfriend and tell me how I taste I guess.he wouldn't kiss you, woof!
No. 291567
>>291565poorfag cope.
>>291566>When a man cheats he is risking your life. He is risking your health.this is true but I would make sure they are not out with bimbos, which is fairly easy to do. (because I wouldn't be with someone whose taste is bimbos)
>He is telling you he gives not a single fuck about you. How? If he takes care of my needs how is that not 'giving a single fuck about you'? If he didn't give a single fuck about me why does he take care of me physically, emotionally, and financially?
>You could suffer get sick and drop dead.there are PRECAUTIONS!!!
No. 291571
>>291568why is allowing someone to sleep around synonymous with disrespect? i do not enjoy disrespect, but I certainly enjoy RISK.
>>291570no i just have a more interesting life than u
No. 291589
File: 1664569989062.gif (9.3 MB, 640x481, Twitter.gif)
>>291560You just left evidence retarda
No. 291591
>>291557>>291545the day he drags you by the scalp? yes don't comeback then
you need therapy
No. 291665
>>291611I felt the same way reading your post!
My situation differs a bit because neither of us is calling it a "date". We also broke up because neither of us (mostly me) takes online "relationships" seriously. I especially felt silly. He argued a bit at first but then agreed, though mostly because he didn't want me to see him yet at the time anyways because he was a NEET (graduated during the pandemic, and was sort of depressed and kinda just waiting for a job to fall on his lap) and didn't want me to be disappointed. I'm personally approaching it as just two online friends meeting for the first time and hanging out to solidify their friendship. I'm not expecting us to get along as good as we do online and to not be awkward. Fingers crossed we get along even better, but the opposite happens alot apparently. We're also both shy (though both alternate with being more confident and outgoing around the other at different times, him especially), so there's bound to be off-putting moments. Maybe that's basic advice but it was hard for me when I first learned he was wanted to see me to not imagine us getting along so seamlessly well somehow we ended up cuddling for an entire afternoon.
I'm also needing to remind myself that even if all goes well, a LTR might still not be in the cards for whatever reason and I'll be eventually disappointed. Maybe he's not as much of a catch as I think he is/he's made himself out to be online. On paper, he should be perfect for providing me with financial, physical, emotional, and mental security, but in reality he could be controlling and/or stingy, have physically angry outbursts, or be manipulative/etc.
As for plans, I'm not entirely sure yet because I left it all up to him since I'm a horrible planner, we're seeing eachother towards the end of this month so I told him I want to do something halloween-y. We both at least agree we want it to be an activity because not being able to release pent up energy from nervousness/anxiety is a recipe for disaster. It also just makes mingling easier, something I really wanna do with him yknow, chit-chat one on one. We may end up staying at his new place. He's very proud and excited about it. He has a ton of remodeling to do, the area is very pretty so I at least could get cute pics out of it, I like occupying my hands, and he liked my idea of an elaborate pond I had.
No. 291693
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>he spent our entire relationship criticising my looks, intelligence, self awareness, security
>demonstrates how little he values these traits by leaving me for someone who is bereft of absolutely ALL of them
he spent 3 hours this morning trying to convince me to remain friends. fuck off
No. 291739
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Need some advice nonnies. Also, forgive me if this is the wrong thread but for some reason I couldn't find a sex advice thread on here. Can't tell if I'm wrong or right to be pissed off about some unreciprocated sexual stuff with my bf but it's been on my mind since we came home from vacation. It's also bothering me so much that it's making me annoying to be around - i'm becoming petty and sort of looking at him in a more negative light after this. Not as in "I hate you and want to break up" but just find his company annoying to be around and whatever sexual dreamy feelings we had over vacation has just turned to resentment now, on my side at least anyway.
We forgot to bring condoms or lube etc on holiday so naturally couldn't have piv so I gave him oral - not an issue for me, I enjoy it, but I also liked and I guess "expected"? something for me at some point in return during the vacation. He is eager to do this any other time really, but over the week on holiday I got nothing in return - just "Oh i'm tired" etc. Now that we're back home I still haven't got anything and this was a week ago. I know I'm making this sound very transactional and tbh I don't "expect" or demand things from him sexually and vice-versa but I'm still irked that I didn't get anything done to me. No idea how to approach this considering I don't want to come across as demanding but at the same time I should be free to be kinda annoyed that he didn't give me anything back.
It feels like I really can't win when it comes to sex or anything sex-related. I don't want to feel like he owes me anything because then that's just a weird way to look at sexual things but at the same time it's like…I did something for him and he got to enjoy it but later that night and throughout the rest of the holiday I just had to be whatever the female equivalent of blueballed is. I don't even know how to approach this topic with him as I'm a sperg and often come across as far more blunt or cold than I intend to be - I guess my issue is that I just feel ignored in comparison to what he enjoyed but at the same time I don't want to get into the mindset of thinking "oh i did xyz now he owes me this". What can you nonnies recommend to me -or what should I say?
No. 291743
>>291739I think your frustration is
valid , your bf seemed kind of selfish especially since you asked him. I find it weird he didnt want to give oral while on holiday if he usually does.
>We forgot to bring condoms or lube etc on holiday so naturally couldn't have piv so I gave him oral Ive been wondering, why not just buy condoms there?
No. 291747
>>291739Don't minimize your frustration. You realized that if given the choice, your bf will forget about your pleasure and focus on his own. How often have you done this? Has he ever given you an orgasm without you reciprocating?
Also, as a woman, you can be more demanding. You know sex is a risky thing for us, even with established partners. The least men can do is give us orgasms on demand, kek.
No. 291749
>>291739It's not demanding to expect give and take in a sexual relationship. My last relationship slowly turned into a more one sided thing and I didn't want to HAVE to ask for the favor to be returned all the time but he wasn slowly doing less and less for me. After a while it becomes pretty clear that a partner who doesn't just automatically think of your needs back is taking the piss or taking you for granted.
This doesn't excuse it but did he pay for the holiday? One of the times that highlighted my own unequal sex life was when my ex paid for a holiday for us, we were intimate during said holiday but then one day towards the end of the trip he erupted that we hadn't had enough.. His needs had been catered to more than mine.
I understand how it feels shitty to have to even ask, esp if you've been alright in the past and it wasn't needed before. But you're not demanding for bringing it up. His reaction will tell you alot..
No. 291805
>>291793>its either our unborn baby or the cat. My god. But it's not like he can pry the unborn child from your womb so basically it's not even an ultimatum, he's giving you no choice, right?
Do you have family or friends the cat can go to during your pregnancy?
No. 291831
>>291793Most people just hand over litterbox duty to a different person and thats enough. Never heard of anyone throwing the whole cat away over it. Especially a new cat that you've just invested in with vets checks and all that. It's nutty to get a cat and within days flip a switch.
The ultimatum part is kind of worrying tbh. Any time you reach a new level of commitment (moving in, a ring, baby etc) and a man starts making ultimatums you need to nip that shit in the bud. If you tolerate it now you'll enter a pattern of being threatened every time you disagree on something. Make an example of this and don't let him be overbearing about it. It sets a bad precedent if you do.
No. 291906
>>291852Was he super devastated by the breakup? Do you think he still has feelings for you? It might be nice to apologize but if he was super hurt friendship might not be the best idea and he might think you’re trying to rekindle.
Not to pry but did you split because he wanted to get serious and you weren’t feeling it or did you have genuine feelings for this guy but ended it because you were scared? Like if you weren’t avoidant do you think you’d be with this guy?
Sorry if this is invasive but I’m on the opposite end of an impulsive fearful avoidant breakup and trying to work through it No. 291916
I don't know where to post it, but I need to vent.
I met an amazing man two months ago. We like the same things and seem to hate the same things too. Everything was moving so fast it was kinda scary at first, but now, I feel comfortable with him. I might have fallen in love with him too, so I had to tell him today that I have hpv. I don't know if it's still I'm my body, what I know is that I had genital warts in my labia and inside me. I had them removed via laser surgery. This was back in 2017. I've only had two boyfriends, I don't have one night stands and still, I caught this thing and had warts. I suspect my first boyfriend already had it, I'd like to think he didn't know he had it, but then again, he used to pay hookers. I infected my second boyfriend, now my ex although we are on friendly terms. He was very supportive and still is. It's been three hours since I told this new guy I have an std, and he hasn't replied and deep down I know he'll never reply and I don't blame him. I feel terrible, but I didn't want to keep this from him. Everything was going so well between us, perhaps I shouldn't have told him anything, and yet, I had to be honest and say it. I remember how my ex was so terrified when he knew he had it, and I don't want someone else to feel like that. I hate how, no matter how much of a good person I am, no matter how attractive a man finds me, I'll never be able to be with a man again, I'll never be able to have kids and a family of my own. I don't get it, why me? Why me and not my friend from high school, who at that point had slept with 12 guys? I've only had two men in my life, I've never slept with other men besides these two, and yet I have hpv. I don't have warts since 2017, I've heard that the body can clear it, I've read that most people have it and it's a very common std, my doctor is very happy because I don't have symptoms, my last pap smear and revision showed me that I'm fine inside, and yet I'll always live with this, because that darn thing can lie dormant. I'll always be infectious. I feel like garbage. I don't deserve to be happy. I don't deserve to feel the touch of a man and have sex with someone I love. I don't deserve anything. I only hope he can forgive me for giving him false hope, I hope he can find a woman who's not filthy like me. I wanna kill myself, I only want to be loved and love someone, but I can't do that anymore because I have an std.
No. 291917
>>291916>but then again, he used to pay hookersand… you knew? or?
because that wording…. idk
No. 291920
>>291916This one's difficult and I don't know what to say tbh. Maybe it's better if I don't say anything but your life can still be fulfilling outside of men, so there's that. If it's doormant, is it still contagious? couldn't he or anyone else in the future use condoms? I would find an online support group and see how others are dealing with this. Mostly, concern yourself with your health, be thankful if it's manageable.
Most importantly the only person that needs to kill themselves here is your ex.
No. 291961
Need some help and advice anons.This will be long because i have noone else to talk this about and i want to write about everything.
We have been dating for a bit more than 2 years.He is 6 years older than and i’m 26 currently,so it wasn’t a big problem so far.I’m a medical doctor and he is a teacher in a different profession.Ever since the start of our relationship we were living together.In the first year we were in our hometown,and last year he had to move far away for bussiness reasons.I came to this other side of the country with him to support him and continue working here,while i saved up enough money to move abroad (hopefully in the next year).We have common hobbies and quite compatible with each other overall,but one of the biggest difference we have is, i’m a very socially active person and he can live without leaving home or talking to anyone but me till the day he dies.So i have 2 big problems on my hands at the moment; one them is regarding moving to abroad,and the other is about his increasing jealousy about my social life.
When we first started to live together i was busy with some exams and stuff and it was covid time,so i didn’t really talk or spend time with any of my friends.I was mostly at home spending time with him or having fun with my stupid arts n crafts hobbies,and studying.I never had an overly active social media,i used facebook for exam materials and instagram to keep in contact with my friends.This depends totally on time tbh,if i was writing this in another time it could be myspace,or msn or other kinds of social media.Anyways when covid restrictions were mostly over and i was done with exams and other stuff,i started to get more active in instagram,and started to get in touch with my friends again.And ever since that every single time when i post a single cat photo or even a scenery he goes on like “so how many people hit on you,tried to talk to you over that story? you added 1 new person last week.who is it?”.I don’t hide the fact that i’m together with him or even post personal stuff either..i post a cute snail on the sideway and get passively accused for seeking attention for that.Aaand it doesn’t even stop there.I have to be in contact with other doctors in the hospital all the time.If the patient has a kidney problem i consult internal medicine specialist,if they have a heart problem i consult the cardiologist etc etc.He shows the same fucking attitude for my job aswell.I talk about my day and sometimes briefly tell about an interesting patient and all he fucking ask is “..so did the consultant hit on you? was he handsome? would it be better if i was a doctor?” I can’t wrap my head around this spesific low self esteem and jealousy. I don’t even see any reason for this behaviour either.I’m with him all the time except work,i’m always in contact and i never hide stuff.Because of moving far away i don’t have any friends i can meet face to face here either.Like what else can i do,put on a collar with a gps and microphone in it?Because everthing else is so fine,i’m absolutely torn between helping him fix this problems or saying fuck it and dumping him. He does house chores,is a both fun and mature person,also a very loving and supporting person.I genuinely love spending time with him.
The other problem is about our carreer and life differences (mostly related to age tbh).I currently have no car,house or any other valuable item or pets with me.So its easier for me to move abroad,and fairly easier to have a job.But on the other hand he is all settled here and also have two cats.At first he was very supportive of me moving abroad and did everyhting he could to help me.But as i got closer with my paperowrk and other stuff,he kinda started bitching about how hard it is to take cats there,or to find a job with his profession.Or what was going to happen to the properities and stuff that he owns here blah blah.I know that he wouldn’t come and leech on me but he kinda seems half-hearted about this moving situation nowadays.And it was very clear from the start that i was going to move no matter what,so this weird behaviour is something that i don’t understand again.
I know from all that i wrote so far the answer should be dumping him but as i said,aside this 2 problems everything else is perfect.Life with him is very enjoyable and easygoing.For the first time in my life i feel very happy (despite these problems,thats how content i am) and very supported.I like supporting and helping him aswell.So what do you think anons? Would you try to fix this stuff even if it takes long or skip all the hassle and go on your own way? If you had similiar problems i would be very happy to hear about it.
No. 291967
>>291861>>291863Yes I'm already painfully aware of this, I'm just trying to be a better person, I don't want to have this behavior for my entire life.
>>291874Yep, I was thinking about doing this, it seems it's the better option.
>>291906>Was he super devastated by the breakup? Do you think he still has feelings for you?No idea, I didn't really breakup with him since we were not completely together either, it was the really early stage of the relationship, I just stopped talking to him (we didn't talk that much in the first place, like one call a month and very few texts). Hopefully he has moved on, it's been a year after all.
>Not to pry but did you split because he wanted to get serious and you weren’t feeling it or did you have genuine feelings for this guy but ended it because you were scared?A mix of both probably, I think he was more into me than I was into him, but since I never dated before I got scared of the unknown. We had a lot in common and I think I preferred him as a friend rather than a date since I wasn't particularly attracted to him.
>Like if you weren’t avoidant do you think you’d be with this guy?I don't know, it's not like I have many dating opportunities anyway, maybe I would have tried for the sake of it had he confessed earlier and pre-covid, it took him a long time to ask me out (like 3 years) and I know some anons see this as a red flag, maybe I dodged a bullet in the end.
>spoilersDon't worry, if you're the anon upthread I'm so sorry for you, you don't deserve to go through this especially after doing so much for this dude.
No. 291970
>>291961Considering how he is older than you, he is acting much younger with his immaturity in regards to his jealousy. Here is the key point that I focused in on:
>And it was very clear from the start that i was going to move no matter what,With him being "half-hearted" as you put it, it seems like you have to have a serious talk with him and make a choice. Since you are moving no matter what, he either needs to be on board or not. While you do love each either, I think it is crucial to know where this relationship is going. If it will move abroad or settle with him.
No. 291972
>>291961Soooo, it's totally fine when you have to move to the other side of the country just for him, but not for him to do the same for you??
If you don't want to dump him nonna, at least take a break and live closer to your friends. This relashionship doesn't seem healthy at all.
And his jealousy will get worse.
No. 291987
>>291852>>291967 >I didn't really breakup with him since we were not completely together either >one call a month and very few textsTbh it takes two to be in a "not quite sure if this is even a relationship" situation. You can have avoidant ways and still meet someone who says look
nonnie are we together or not? It sounds like this guy was just as flakey and didnt exactly go out of his way to turn this into a real relationship. It was a non thing.
No. 292033
I broke up with my ex 2 months ago. even though it was clear we still liked each other there were things he needed to work on and staying with him would have been a complete disservice to myself. We reconnected 3 weeks ago, he was putting in more effort, both of us were happy and I was beginning to see potential in relationship again, until I caught him in a little lie. I understand why he lied about that thing (I might’ve done the same in his shoes) but if he was willing to just talk it out then and there we could’ve just gotten over it. Instead he told me it’s up to me to believe him and then ghosted me for a few days. I hate how me “confronting” him makes me out to be the bad guy when really just wanted to address it in conversation. I ended up seeing him a few days later and he told me he wants space. We can address the lie after he has his space. If I want to wait for him until then that’s my choice, he said it could be a day, it could be a week, he doesn’t know. I told him I could wait a week or two, but not a month. He said that felt like me trying to influence his decision, but it wasn’t, it’s because he has known that in November I’ll be moving.
Something came up and I have the option to stick around here longer… I feel stupid because I feel like he would be so happy if I stayed longer and if he asked me to stay for us to rebuild what we had, I would, but I can’t even ask him because I’m supposed to be giving him space right now. It’s been over a week since and I’m going crazy. I have to make a decision by Wednesday. Do I just message him? Do I wait until the last second?
He’s the first boyfriend I ever actually deeply cared about and I feel so stupid saying it but to me right now at this very moment in time my decision relies mostly on “us”. Our relationship was mostly good but We broke up for a reason, but then he started working on it and Our reconnection was so nice but people are entitled to space but over something this small we definitely could’ve talked about peacefully by now? I know I probably sound so dumb but I feel like I can’t let my friends know his importance in a decision like this and I really just need outside input
No. 292036
>>292033If you can be certain that he was lying then this is some bs he's putting you through. Like a power trip thats designed to wear you down til you no longer want to confront him about any future issues either. Some men play it that way to avoid ever taking ownership of their lies. It's got red flags all over it
nonnie.
Maybe its payback for breaking up with him in the first place but tbh it screams of just emotionally punishing you while playing it off as if its not that. I'd stay exes after a stunt like this. He's holding all the power and loving it all while you're clearly stressed out. Thats not love. Demanding a month of space after a small disagreement is nuts. At this stage you don't owe this guy contact.
No. 292101
>>283075need some help and advice, i feel like i'm watching my relationship collapse in slow motion from far away. bf & i have been together for about 2 years and currently live together.
there's the small things. sometimes i wish my bf would get me things that he knows that i like, like a cheap necklace or socks. i wish he remembered which foods i hate and stuff like that that i've talked about so many times. there's always the "if he wanted to, he would" hanging over my head.
last week i got into a big fight with a close friend of his. he lost his shit and started insulting he as much as he could & generally being a POS. last time i was mistreated as much was when i left a genuinely
abusive relationship a couple of years ago. i cut him off. later i found out someone else was involved encouraging his malding tirade so i cut her off as well. i've known for a while that they're a
toxic friend group but i had no idea they've become this unhinged/unstable. my bf knows how much trauma i've had to deal with from that relationship, how i got used to being abused, and how hard it was for me to learn to start setting boundaries. he's aware of how petty the whole fight was & how his friends completely blowed it out of proportion.
to be honest it really hurts me to know how he's comfortable listening to them trash talk me & keep insulting me. i wish he would say something like "please don't talk abt my gf like that" or something, but i know he won't. he keeps talking to him every day, playing every day. i want to go on dates sometimes but he just wants to stay home and play all day. i know he's "picked" him.
i know i need to get out of this relationship but i feel trapped. our lease term has a couple of months left and there's really no realistic way for me to move out. i don't have the money. these days i feel so tired because he always slacks on his chores and after work i need to clean the house, wash the dishes, do our grocery shopping, cook, etc. i feel trapped and sad and lonely and feel like it's hard to talk about this with my friends and family bc they all like my bf think we're a happy couple that's looking to get married soon. i started taking elavil a little while ago for other unrelated issues and i hope it helps me cope somehow.
i really just don't know how to cope
No. 292115
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I posted about this elsewhere but it's still eating me up and I'm needing advice. sorry, it's long.
for a year and a few months now (up until about a week ago) I've been really, really close with a woman I met online. we're two states from each other and pretty lonely individuals albeit in much different life circumstances. we talk all day every day. also we're both lesbians and admittedly have gotten intimate/flirted w each other, altho it's not been explicitly recognized by either of us. I'm attracted to and attached to her.
anyway, she's in FL and last Monday was pretty much freaking out about the hurricane weather predictions. I slept all day and didn't see her messages until about 7pm. first thing I saw was her saying she was under mandatory evacuation. I was shocked and replied "wut?!". she was like wdym wut, didn't you see what I said? I said something like yeah but you didn't say whether or not you evacuated or not? convo naturally stopped there.
later that night she brought up the weather again via some tiktok she told me how I hurt her terribly for seemingly not caring that she thought she was gonna die before I got up and read her messages earlier in the evening. admittedly I thought -to myself- she was being dramatic but I feel I might've been biased bc ik she's a BPDchan. she reacted badly to me saying I'd talk to her when she's ready (she was telling me she needed to go to bed and needed space) and called me a bad person, told me we weren't working, she's not even going to pretend she wants to be my friend again and told me to fuck myself. this triggered me p much and I called her a hypocrite and said I bet she's been looking for a reason to cut me off. it's embarrassing, but I wasn't sober this night, and would've acted so different if I was. I digress.
it's been a week or will be in a few hours and I miss her and feel pretty bad about hurting her with my insensitivity. I do think she was being a little hypocritical (she's not the most thoughtful or consciencious person) and that she could've cut me a little bit of slack, but I also do think I upset her. feels bad man.
I tried to give her space except for two text messages the next two days where I told her I was thinking about her, hoping she and her pets would be safe during the storm and later asked if everything was ok. this was over text msg. she didn't reply, and idk if I'm blocked there or what, or if she's just ignoring me. frankly I thought she'd have reached out to me by now but she hasn't so I'm feeling real down lol.
nonnies, what do I do? I want to apologize regardless, and I def don't want this to be our end but if it is, I would at least like to not be completely ghosted. am I being completely self centered? what do I do?
No. 292130
>>292101Where do you plan to move to after the split? Parents or renting again? If you need to arrange a new rental then having a couple months left on the lease might be ideal. It gives you enough time to plan a move without being too much time either.
My last relationship broke down with 2 months left on our lease and seeing as I had to arrange a new place it was just the right amount of time. An awkward couple months for sure but I kept it civil for the sake of getting out with minimal drama
No. 292244
>>292195You paid for the car, it's yours. Why exactly is he so entitled to driving in it? Boo hoo he has to wait 2 months, what a fucking child. It'd be more understandable if he was upset about the money, but that doesn't seem to be the case.
That said if you really wanted to make it up to him, you could buy him some professional driving lessons so he can get some driving time in over the next few months.
No. 292310
>>292292No this is bait.
>>292226Have you both lived on your own before? It's good for both of you to have the experience of living on your own (especially as a woman partnered with a male you don't want him to go directly from mommies' home to living with you, I don't think I need to explain why). Otherwise a 5 year relationship is fine to move in with each other.
No. 292322
Does a person’s potential to grow outweigh bad behaviors in the moment?
Dating a scrote which is already not good, big mistake, and he’s done many things that would make many people, including me, break up with him and walk away. The problem is that he’s a very good apologizer. I know this is starting to sound cliche, but whenever he sends an apology, I read over it with my counsel of friends, all of whom are very eager to say “break up with him” in instances like this, but his responses always give them pause too. They are astute and reflect true, unselfish understanding. He acknowledges fault and apologizes in such a way that it’s kind of hard to stay upset with him, because he apologizes so sincerely. He doesn’t dodge responsibility, he apologizes in the perfect ideal way. But he has a lot of stuff that he does that needs to be corrected, lack if empathy stuff, and every time he says sorry in a way that indicates growth and he doesn’t repeat the mistake. My question is: is it worth it? Having to teach a man empathy? He is the most receptive of any male I’ve ever dated, and apologizes genuinely and means it and rectifies it. This is a cut above other men I’ve dated. Are my standards just low?
No. 292324
>>292322Nonny I just…you will spend years of your life fixing a messed up guy? Are you really that desperate for a bf? You are aware that it will be like a ship that keeps on springing leaks? That this is his personality? What is there to salvage? Like, there's always going to be another one with someone like this. He might not do the specific mistake again, but he will always be doing something. Also–plenty of manipulators apologize in a perfect way.
Oh, also, and he'll probably move on to someone else after improving as well which is pretty normal in these "I'll fix him!" situation.
Just…please step back and understand just how much you'd be investing into the 1 in a 1000 chance it'd actually go somewhere that isn't down? Are you willing to take that emotional and mental burden onto yourself for an unethical man that really doesn't deserve it? For years? Also your standards are low but I don't blame you. Most men on the dating market are nonoptions–even if you have 0 looks standards.
No. 292434
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Texted my ex a forgiveness text that honestly was more for me than for him. While I personally think the break up was for dumb, self destructive reasons I told him I still respected his decision and that I had no hard feelings against him. I figured he would say something like let’s be friends or just leave me on read. He thanked me for the message as he had been thinking a lot about what happened and said ‘I hope we can be okay’. I feel like I’m reading too much into it but it’s such an odd way to phrase that. What do you think it means nonnas?
No. 292615
>>292585That's the level of autismo I thought I could only expect from myself. So while I'm a hypocrite for saying this because I know I would be seething, best thing is to reclaim the enjoyment, if you can. For most people this is really not that meaningful actually, and most likely she's not thinking twice about it. You'll most likely find a different show to enjoy together soon!
>>292595My fiance seems like one of the good ones (very caring and patient, same interests, doesn't expect any mothering from me - basic stuff yet somehow so hard to find) but I was hurt by men so much in the past I can't help being in a constant doubt, like there must be something hidden. Hope you find someone nonna, though it does seem bleak sometimes.
No. 292628
Has anyone else had the experience of men putting in literally no effort to get to know you during the dating stage? I’d say it’s about 80% of men who do this to me. The other 20% are either really ugly like below average, or have some other kind of off putting thing about them (weird attitude, cringey, awkward etc).
The thing about this that baffles me is I’m not ugly or even average. I’m told by men and women alike that I’m very pretty. I have no proof obviously so you can believe me or not on that, but the way men act when I talk to them is so totally uninterested and bored, as if they expect me to make all the effort. It’s to the point where even if a guy is super good looking, I find him so unbelievably boring that I have no interest.
When I see similar complaints raised online about men’s lack of initiative, the widespread response is “you make the effort for once! Women can be assertive too” I have done this in the past but I hate pursuing a man, it’s gross to me.
I also frequently hear about women having their dms blowing up with men asking them out, and I have to question if this is exaggerated, I have a couple different forms of social media where I post selfies, dumb memes, my animals etc and I will get the occasional Indian man in my dms, or a random dude from back in high school hitting me up again, but that’s seriously about it. Don’t know if it’s cause I don’t post thirst traps or not. I also don’t get cat called or approached often by men irl.
Again like all this makes me think damn am I ugly? But I’m being complimented pretty frequently irl by strangers at work and stuff, been rated 9/10 when I post on those rating sites. Is this just how men are w everyone
No. 292654
>>292628I've posted before that in the last few years I've had these weird limbo situations where I'll get the vibe that a guy is into me. And afaik I'm not just imagining it. I like to think I can read the room. But then they don't really escalate things or lay it out there. So we stall. They just hint and leave it at that. I don't know if we're just entering a time where online dating has men frozen when it comes to making actual moves irl. Its like they're waiting for me to do it but lets be real.. I'm not socialised to and I don't want to overstep the mark and risk being humiliated. I'm pretty lost this last while. Repeating that same pattern. Years ago I remember it being more straight forward than this. If he liked you he'd lock things in. Simple.
We're told that if a guy is into you you'll know all about it.. he'll be on your ass persuing you.. Idk if that's the case anymore.
No. 292656
>>292654>I'm not socialised to and I don't want to overstep the mark and risk being humiliated.You sound like a coward, and that's not a
valid reason why you shouldn't initiate. You shouldn't because 99% of them are NOT worth it and you have everything to lose. Think about it, asking out someone you're interested in is the easiest part of the would-be relationship. If he can't even do the bare minimum, you can bet your ass he won't do anything else for the relationship either. The worst thing you can do is chase after an ambivalent dude who would've never talked to you or asked you out. And while most women will turn down men they aren't interested in, most dudes would say yes to string women along for whatever benefits they can get out of her.
No. 292663
>>292628Eh, anon, I'm sorry to tell you but men are just becoming more and more unattractive and disinterested and being "assertive" was never the issue. The issue is that most men don't actually want to nurture anything with a woman, let alone be in a completely equal romantic relationship.
There's a reason why in long-term relationships, women put in more effort in most areas at least according to statistics yet we're told as women we never do anything or NEED to do more. The system is built to leave you neurotic so you throw yourself on a man (which you did ofc).
This is why you probably noticed the "DMs blowing up" thing too. A lot of men are 100x more motivated to established access to women than actually make anything of it; one of the FEW things that can still bait them is this…or anger over the idea that they can't access a woman. And I think modern technology has made a lot of men even worse about this need for instant gratification too, but I digress.
>>292656is right. Like. It's really mean and maybe I don't have a right to say this, but most men aren't real options and expect to be on auto-pilot for their entire relationship–expecting more than he does himself than not even valuing her labor.
No. 292675
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>>292656 >You sound like a cowardI said this when I was venting about it before lol. That we're two cowards in a flirty stand off. That's how it feels att. Nobody wants to take the risk. In general men are expected to but when they stop.. its a stand off. I usually just move along tbh.
>If he can't even do the bare minimum, you can bet your ass he won't do anything else for the relationship eitherAgree, any relationship I've been in.. I've been pursued. God knows that over time most men put less and less work in so if they can't even try hard at the start then whats the point. Sets a bad tone for the rest of the relationship. Its frustrating in a way to feel like I've had a few 'missed opportunities' lately but then thats not the tone I want to start on
No. 292683
>>292677How did that happen and how did you find out? Sorry but I’m curious kek. I’m guessing he just now sent you a picture of himself? Or you just now heard his lame fag voice?
Even if you guys were only texting, I would think the troon would have a hard time not talking about tranny issues since they’re all narcissists
No. 292686
my bf and i have been living together for years, and I adore him, but he has an extremely low tolerance for things going wrong.
Our dishwasher floods the kitchen. I laugh about it because sometimes ya gotta laugh. He is silent. We start cleaning up, he is not responding to me when I talk. I finally get him to tell me what's wrong and he grumbles that we're going to lose our bond and get evicted and be homeless etc. That is retarded and not true, but I can see that he's really stressed out, so I offer to finish cleaning up. We keep cleaning up in silence, and it is very awkward. He is getting more and more stressed. Eventually, he lets me finish by myself. As I'm cleaning, I think "He'll feel better when the kitchen's fine." Nope. Sulks for the rest of the day and sleeps on the couch.
As I said, we've been together for years, and we don't have any other problems, so I feel like a bitch having a problem with this, especially since I'm pretty sure it's a trauma thing. I grew up poor, and I have a really high tolerance for things going wrong, so it's hard for me not to see this as his being kind of spoiled.
idk how to talk about it with him without making him feel like shit.
No. 292740
File: 1665102379651.gif (3.06 MB, 640x640, 1664376356313.gif)
>>292115This is less worse than what my bf did.
>tells me was swamped with work and forgot about the storm>his mom tells me he was monitoring it online constantly, obviously worriedlike, why would he rather me think he doesn't care about me?
No. 292750
>>292686Normally I'd roast him but if he literally did shut down - and not do the typical thing of just going and playing a game or something - maybe it is trauma. Have you had a discussion with him about it at all? Like, resilience and robustness is somewhat of something that can be built up over time through stuff like eustress.
Is he even doing anything to manage it? Acknowledged it at all?
No. 292761
>>292683We were talking about social issues and I made a half-joke about how men are so uncompassionate sometimes and then he said "I have no compassion then lol"
I was like "uhm what?" and he said "oh I'm a boy"
I was so confused and thought he was a girl/"afab", which would've been still better, but then he said he wasn't afab. He's sent pictures before but always covered half his face with and he has glasses on, I thought he was a slightly conventionally unattractive woman? He wears pastel "cutesy" outfits a lot, which added more to the confusion. Never heard his voice, I would've ditched the moment I did kek
I don't even think he's a troon, just larps as a woman tbh
>>292684Sometimes sexting, but no nudes or that shit. I did get a bit attached emotionally, which is why I'm upset kinda.
No. 292844
File: 1665151239844.jpg (24.22 KB, 300x328, unnamed.jpg)
so there I was, all happy to exist and to have a bf that also exists and really into him and horny for him and so excited to spend time with him and just wishing to spend my every waking moment with him then he tells me that from here on out he'll be choosing to spend less time with me.
so I understand his reasons in a vague, theoretical way (he wants to sleep more) but it's like okay well you can get your sleep at any other time… you just don't WANT to get your sleep at any other time…
so then I implode. he's really sweet and patient and understanding but he's holding steady that he'll spend less time with me and I want to accept it. I want to be like yeah of course, I'm a cool gf, I understand, take all the time you need. But guess what? I don't want to spend less time with him, I want to spend more time with him. And it's not even about my wants it's just something I physically cannot accept. Like my day ended my world ended I have to hurt myself and him I cannot exist like this. like I cannot accept this I want him and I need him.
so how does everyone here handle stuff like that?
No. 292853
>>292844Sounds dramatic but I understand. I had an ex that didn't want to spend as much time with me as I did with him, eventually I got bored of him and broke things off. Personally, I don't want my partner to just hang out with me when things are convenient, but actively seek me out and make time for me.
Either way, you should never be hurting yourself over a moid, kek. Take a deep breath and look into DBT like nonna mentioned.
No. 292863
>>292690She's mopping up the mess while he's on the couch feigning a meltdown to get out of helping her clean. Idk
nonnie that sounds like the roles are pretty typical.
No. 292944
>>292942I'm 20, he's 22. Idk, he's loving and loyal but sometimes I feel like I'm dating a literal baby with the way he talks.
I want to drop him but I feel kinda bad tbh
No. 292955
>>292945Yeah I'm planning to soon, when I can settle my feelings together or when it won't make things worse.
I just wonder if it's wrong for me to be annoyed at little things my partner says in general, like harmless quirks and habits. Maybe I need to lower my irritability around everything because I'm an impatient person in general.
No. 292962
How do I tell my bf that I'd really like him to work on toning up his body? I feel bad even saying this but he's kinda soft in the belly area and it's a turn-off. He has major trauma somewhat associated with his body and fitness (the event happened almost 15 years ago sooo…), like actual life-and-body altering trauma, not uwu twauma that zoomers love to tiptoe around, so I don't want to be inappropriate. He's been talking about starting to work out again for the first time since his accident but… it's been a year+ and he isn't doing shit. Just two weeks ago he was "ready" to start a workout routine but every single time he "decides" he's got a plan to start, it's always "I will def start this Monday" (aka in a few days' time), and I've learned not to get my hopes up. I've been patiently waiting for the day he says he's going to start RIGHT NOW, because I know it's just words otherwise. I hate when he makes up a bunch of plans and then obviously gets the satisfaction of feeling like he's done something… without actually doing anything. It drives me nuts. He's never ever pressured me to do anything at all with my body so it feels extra fucked up of me to feel this way, but at the very same time I know it's not completely unreasonable to make this request. I just don't know how to phrase it or how to deal with his inevitable disappointment when I tell him that I don't enjoy his current state.
Also one thing that fucking irks me is that he's mentioned a bunch of times thru the years (been together many years) that his mentor (as a teenager and young adult) would sometimes joke about how "your wife is gonna be mad because you're going to age nucely har har" and it's like… furst of all, wimmen anirite? (I've mentioned this and he stopped relaying the story kek) Second of all, nah I'm gonna be beautiful til I'm old as fuck and beyond (a beautiful spectre kekkkk), and third, he is handsome yes but it's not enough to really really excite me. I've told him this once or twice a few years ago and ha hasn't done shit byt also I have issues with low sex drive and although his body is not the main source of my low sex drive, it would certainly help if he wasn't allowing himself to slide into mid-thirties blob-ism. He's also a grown-ass man who can stand to take a little bit of suggestion and criticism from his partner but I'm still wary of how to approach this. Sorry for the wall of text I'm just kind of at a loss. Sorry for any typos but I gotta go ty nonnas
No. 293019
File: 1665229418766.jpeg (61.31 KB, 680x681, 53E21728-5BE3-4E54-9066-E357FC…)
I think I’m dating a momma’s boy
>have been dating for 4 years
>still lives at home with parents, dad is a bit aloof but is very close to his mother
>I also live with my family but am planning to move out because muh independence (and sanity)
>mother buys underwear and other clothes for him, he is 23
>she embarrasses him about sex jokes and stuff relating to us, but only to him and in front of me
>he doesn’t really open up emotionally to me but he will to her
>he takes her out to do stuff relating to his hobbies but not me as much
>tells her about his work day and stuff but only says surface level convo with me
>I kind of feel like a pet or a toy at this point
I know it’s obvious to talk but i also might be overreacting? She’s really nice to me so there’s no bad blood. It’s just like it seems he’s coddled by her and he doesn’t want to get closer to me
No. 293041
>>293019I feel like in an ideal world people should live on their own (or with roomates etc) for a bit before getting into full on proper adult relationships. Just to reach a certain level of 'adulting' To experience independence first. Might not be a popular opinion on here but people who float from parents to partners and never go it alone tend to be stunted. Applies more to males tho.
When I was 20 I started seeing a guy who was 2 years older and lived with his parents. Not a crazy age to be living at home but I was already a couple years into paying rent, living in houseshares. He went back and forth between staying with his parents and staying at my place. The house wasn't overly occupied and my roommate was cool with it but after a while I felt like we should get our own place rather than him freeloading between two places. We got an apt. Things were fine for a few years but there'd be moments where I felt like the adult. There was just stuff he'd never had to do. He didn't understand bills and paperwork. I was younger than him and yet felt like I needed to mommy him through things like filling out forms.
One day (when I'm 24 and hes 26) he just takes his stuff and moves back to mom and dads place. Sent me a text that we weren't working out. Nothing dramatic had proceeded this. It was pretty sudden. No idea why he couldn't face me. We were cool and couldn't had a level conversation. Nope. ffs my guy we have a lease and bills that we share.. we have 9 months left on a lease.. that is half yours. He thought it was fine to send a text and just go back to living with his parents. He'd no sense of obligation to work with me on even changing the names on shared bills. I took the hit on everything. I rang our electricity supplier and they told me they needed his permission to change the account details. He wouldn't even make a phone call. He was obligated to do that according to them and he still wouldn't just be an adult for 30 seconds to to say hey yes go ahead and change the name on the account. It would've cost him nothing. It's years later and he's in his thirties now still living with them. He has no sense of 'get up and go' to make shit happen for himself. I don't even think his parents encourage it but they're just too soft. His parents were thrilled when we were doing our own thing but he knows he can freeload so he chose that easy life.
No. 293046
>>292962just leave lol
this feels so scarily similar to something that happened to me but in your boyfriend's place that i'm reeling. i've had actual "years and years in therapy" trauma related to my body. it took ages for me to get into a place where i could have a relationship and be intimate with someone and when i finally found someone, after years togetehr he also confessed he was not attracted to me because i was thin but not fit/had loose skin and softness and similar stuff. he was never outright cruel but used this relationship psychology/therapy language about self-care and love languages and how i should change my body to show my love for him. what it ended up resulting in was an ed that very nearly killed me and the next time i could handle someone seeing me naked was many years of more therapy later. i'm not suggesting that this exact thing will happen to him, far from it, these things are different for women and men. but my point is, if you are not attracted to someone, just leave. it's not shallow, it's not worth it even if you love them and they have so many good qualities. it's the right thing to do, because being with someone who is not attracted to you unless you do this or that and wants you to change absolutely can kill you inside.
No. 293105
>>293049>>293055I'm not american. I'm in europe. My mom died when I was 18 so my dad wanted to retire and move to lil town on the opposite end of our country. I could've gone along with him but I felt I'd be limiting my choices there. I chose to stay in my area and rent a room somewhere. I paid for it alone. There's the details if nonnies are going to try to fill in the gaps? lol Based on experience.. I don't want to date a guy who lives with his parents. It has its downsides. I said its more of an issue with males because I'm not looking to upset nonnies who live at home rn. But ime dating guys in that situation.. those guys are generally stunted. I've seen friends move in with men who've never lived alone before and you become his new mom.
I know moving out at 18 is pretty young. But I mean guys who're mid twenties onwards.. by that age you want a guy who already has some experience paying his way in life. Has set up bills before, has been doing all his laundry on his own. Knows what the buttons on the washing machine do. It's definitely a bonus.
No. 293150
>>293133nta but why did you see "thin" and immediately assume anachan? Get some reading comprehension skills, fatty? Surprise surprise, but being thin at ANY bmi without ever working out means the person is "floppy" in places and it's not an indicator of a previous ED. Soft is how the body naturally is, and if you're healthily soft, I see no reason to alter that. What's more, aging causes loose skin too.
If you want to tone up, for yourself? sure. But a partner asking that of you when you're already thin and healthy? I don't agree with the other anon necessarily because op implied her partner is fat which is obviously unhealthy. Men can put on muscle more easily and any other body type is just plain unattractive on them, without mentioning the lack of motivation. Otherwise it's at your discresion but imo not worth persuing if you're a healthy woman just for one moid when plenty more will be attracted to you as is, especially when that moid could have, you know, just left you alone to begin with.
No. 293253
>>293192We're really telling women that they shouldn't ask their male partners, whose beauty standards are already rock bottom, to get fit huh.
I think it's very reasonable to voice your wish your partner gets fit, no matter if you """signed up"" for their unfit body, ESPECIALLY coming from a woman to a man, considering the wack out of balance beauty standards. It's then up to him to decide wether or not he does it (and for her to decide if she wants to continue to put up with an unfit partner if he doesn't want to get fit). Also let's not forget there's also a health aspect to this, it's reasonable to expect a healthy lifestyle from your lifepartner so you can be happy and healthy together for as long as possible.
No. 293297
>>293046>>293056>>293173>>293192He's still hot but I want him to get fit. He's not fat, just a little bit soft. He used to have a very muscular, fit body (he was a very talented and dedicated football player before a fatal car crash ended his prospects for college football which happened 4 years before I met him) but he's let it get soft and I want to feel hot for his body again, and it wouldn't even take much work. It just so happens that we talked about it the night I posted that and I was able to voice some of my wishes and concerns and the things he said reminded me that he's already been working towards better health & fitness. I think maybe I'm overestimating his lingering trauma & I can be more blunt about it. I'm not leaving him over 20 lbs tho lol we've been together for over 10 years for very good reasons. I actually mentioned that he's handsome on my OP so it's not like I am unattracted to him. Thanks for your contributions tho nonnas it's nice to hear some common sense in this regard.
>>293253Yeah the health aspect is important to me too. We're early 30's so still skating by on natural metabolism but very soon it's gonna start becoming an issue. Luckily in the past few months he's quit his raging Excedrin dependency, stopped drinking energy drinks all the time, began the process of cutting out excessive junk foods, and stopped eating fast food altogether. That's part of what we talked about the other night and it is reassuring. I've started and stopped a workout regimen a few times in the past couple of years and I feel and look great and I want him to get started already. But he has started, by changing his habits and diet, so there's that. We also quit our absolutely ridiculous & massive weed habit 2 months ago which has drastically improved our outlook and behavior in many ways, eating habits being one of the biggest changes. So I'm pretty sure I will get my beefcake back soon.
No. 293307
>>293296Yes, most likely. How long have you known this coworker? Is he in a honeymoon stage with you or does he really like you?
At the same time, if you're considering ending things over something like that, that says something and you gotta do you. Live your life. If you don't have ring, you gotta do your thing.
No. 293318
>>292548oh sweet sweet
nonnie, I have been exactly where you are.
My ex was exactly like this. Sperging about the same topic for days, and though he was nice he was incredibly stunted and childish. There's no point being with a man like this. While I didn't come from an
abusive household, my boyfriend before him was
abusive and I think being with this autist who did the basic things a partner should do (be nice, look after the house, etc) seem amazing in comparison to what you're used to. It feels refreshing and like a step up when you're in a partnership you feel respected in, but that's really not the be all and end all here. It's hard to be with someone who isn't intellectually stimulating and after a while you start to realise how much of the relationship it affects. It's up to you if you want to throw away a moid because he's "not good enough", but I certainly think that's a reason. It was for me, and it made me set the bar much higher for myself as a result.
No. 293410
>>293150>nta but why did you see "thin" and immediately assume anachan? probably cause ana-chan over there literally mentioned her ed that "nearly killed her"? also it's a general observation. people underestimate how much flabby & untoned is gross even on a thing body.
>Soft is how the body naturally is, and if you're healthily soft, I see no reason to alter that. because… why not be even healthier and more and shape and more attractive if you can??
>just for one moid when plenty more will be attracted to you as isor you can be healthy for yourself. a good partner will push you to be your best self instead of being content with whatever as long as you're still fuckable.
basically, go do some squats, flabby
No. 293474
>>293019this might be me universalizing my own experience as an overgrown womanchild, but the "mom buys clothes for him" thing doesn't seem too bad if he's living at home. i moved back in with my mom recently and she'll pick up socks for me or whatever because she wants to be nice.
EVERYTHING past that point is weird.
>confides in his mother instead of his girlfriend>talks to his mom about sex in front of his girlfriend>would rather go on dates with his mom than with his girlfriendthis is some freudian emotional incest shit. is your man's name oedipus
No. 293518
>>293319If you've been broaching the topic for years now and have been lied to or shrugged off this many times.. that's kinda pathetic on his end too. That he can't just give you the basic respect of telling you his true feelings instead of getting your hopes up. I get that people work at different paces when it comes to those milestones but all he has to do is be honest with you about that. You're owed that much.
You know by now that his words mean nothing given his actions speak louder. If you think he's stringing you along indefinitely you have to decide whether you want some power back. Dudes a liar. You're waiting on a liar to stop lying and suddenly change a several year long pattern.. ime that doesn't happen.
No. 293528
>>293468Obvious
triggered fatty is obvious
triggered fatty. Sorry but you need to work on your reading comprehension effective immediately too. I’ll play nice and walk you through though. Op said she was thin but soft and her partner didn’t like that and expressed it,
then THAT
triggered the ED. OP is welcome to jump in and clarify at any time but as it stands right now, that is what she said, paraphrased. Keeping up still? Fatty proceeded to reply accusing op of being a bone rattler simply because she saw the words thin and ED in close proximity, implying op was unhealthy pre-shitty partner and demonstrating she can’t read for shit
(rattle rattle) No. 293556
>>293528you are the one who should learn how to read because the anon you called op is not even the op. it's some random anon that took op's post as an invitation to unload and project their personal trauma. and i'm pretty sure we're not getting the full story there. because either there was some accompanying abuse involved (which is not relevant for the actual op, she is already being saintly patient with her moid) or that anon already had ed issues. because an "ed that nearly kills you" is not a sane reaction to a partner suggesting some exercise.
…anyway, not sure why you're so hung up on that when my point was simply to stress that being toned is something many people overlook but is very important.
>>293501>If you want a person who is into fitnessit's not about fitness specifically. it's about wanting a partner who can live a long healthy life with you. and it's also about the attitude it reveals. everyone wants a partner who does their best to take care of themselves. if someone told me "yeah, i know doing this would make me healthier but eh i just can't be bothered, i will probably be fine" that would be way more unattractive to me than their physical untoned body. i'd question their attitude in regards to other things as well.
op's moid does not care to take care of himself for her sake. he's not a partner who puts in the effort. that's the real issue.
No. 293601
Literally no1curr bc this is anonymous
I'll take a ban but I'm compelled to clarify that my only posts itt are
>>292962 &
>>293297 I'm not any of the spergs.
>>293578It rlly doesn't take a mountain of effort tbh. Obviously everyone is different but if you're naturally thin, diet (lifestyle, not fad or short-term) and moderate exercise are very effective.
No. 293617
>>293556I agree. The only sane, well-adjusted reaction would have been dumping the guy, but it's a completely conceivable reaction if – like that anon mentioned and you would know if you had bother to read – you have trauma surrounding your body and are told by the person you love many years later tht they find your body unattractive.
>>293601It depends entirely on the person. One example, we all can't do the same exercises, and some exercises are better for building muscle mass than others.
No. 294012
File: 1665763522968.jpg (983.56 KB, 1952x1920, 1564378277729.jpg)
oh boy do I have a story for all you,
I’ve relatively new to this web, so forgive me if ignorant.
One of my friends F, i’ve known him since we were 5, but recently became closer to him through his (now) ex-girlfriend. We were all in a friend group until they broken up because she was a bipolar bitch. I’m not gonna lie, I always found F attractive. And ten days after they broke up, he ended up kissing me. I still don’t even know why. (For context I was a kisses virgin at that point, and he knew that. How sappily romantic)
I lated asked him why, and he responded with "yeah it was kinda was a spur of the moment thing”. So I never expected anything more, just kind kept being friends in our group.
We have this stupid little tradition where sometimes he’ll text me to meet up at a creek by my house to smoke a cig after work.
On time after one of these instances, he snaps me. (You know where this is going)
So a it after that, our friend group decides to get wasted; me and F somehow end up in his apartment. Congrats I’m no longer a virgin.
After he says that we are still just friends and this probably wont happen again
I'm okay with that, I don't wanna be in a relationship with him i guess.
A few more instances of him asking for photos
I suck his dick in his car after we smoke one time
"yeah no harm if we do this occasionally lol" - F
We end up fucking again on a camping trip. It’s just ridiculous looking back on it now.
after he says, “yeah, this will probably be the last time since i'm kinda getting serious with someone else"
ngl it did that hurt a bit. But I mean I didn’t expect anything more.
After this I actually ended up getting asked out by someone else, the only unfortunate thing is that that guy ended up assaulting me :) I have a wonderful habit of forming healthy relationships with men.
Me and F end up hooking up again, this time after a mushrooms trip. He again says Last Time hah blah blah
It very clearly wasn’t the last time, since maybe a 2weeks after that he snaps me again, and again after that.
That last time talking about how he can’t stop thinking about me.
And then we end up fucking, this time he cuddles me after.
Which is something I don’t know how to process.
And he hasn’t snapped me, or said anything regarding it since. We still hang out, and still have a smoke sometimes.
But man, he fucking confuses me.
And Yes I know I should just ask, ut can you all just tell me if I’m reading too much into it, or he’s just giving really mixed signals.
Tl;dr - male friend fucked me, said it’d never happen again, and now it’s happened 4 times, and he cuddled me after. And I’m confused because I’m new to this bullshit.(namefag)
No. 294021
>>294017yeah.
that's what I was afraid of.
I know you're right.
Sometimes I just wish it wasn't the case ha :')
(:')) No. 294187
File: 1665867319990.jpg (3.96 KB, 263x192, download (2022_08_15 03_30_21 …)
I know how silly this is going to sound but I'm visiting my LDR bf in like 2 weeks and yesterday he had his friend girl hang out at his (new) apartment for a bit for a totally innocent reason that I shouldn't even be upset about (they both went to go get kittens from the same shelter and stopped by his place for a bit) but I still feel incredibly jealous, its not that I don't trust him or anything its literally just my jealousy and insecurity that he had another girl in his house before me when I'm gonna be traveling several hours to see him soon. I wanna be happy for him and get over it but it's eating at me.
No. 294235
>>294232He's overstepping the mark by pushing you into friendships you don't want. If you're giving him his freedom to go hang out and have those friends..cool, he needs to return that respect and let you decide what you want for yourself.
I've had two long terms relationships where I let them do their own thing with friends and I preferred my solo hobbies. It was never made into a big deal.
No. 294254
>>294246"i have ony a few close friends and i don't feel the need to do much socializing" = sure, perfectly fine
"i have zero social life outside of my partner who i think has issues for wanting to have friends" = ok loser lmao
No. 294256
>>294254"I have zero friends and I'm not looking for any" = perfectly fine
""I have zero friends, I'm not looking for any and my partner should be the same" = really messed up
OP is weird for not understanding her boyfriend desire to have a social circle, but not weird for not having a social circle herself
No. 294288
>>294241What's wrong with anything she said? She doesn't need to have friends to hang out with to be a """healthy"""" adult, where are you getting this from? Not everybody's a social butterfly.
And what's wrong with her wishing for a boyfriend who's more like her? I wouldn't want a boyfriend who's part of a friend group either. Men like that that ignore you for their "bros" 99.9% of the time.
No. 294293
>>294288why is this thread so all or nothing? you can only be either flabby and get zero exercise either you can live in the gym and eat only broccoli. you can only either have literally 0 friends or be a hyper energetic social butterfly. shit is so annoying.
i'm not super outgoing myself and outright saying "you don't need friends" is just "the anime watching edgelord who hisses at people in school" kind of weird.
No. 294302
File: 1665941760186.gif (3.06 MB, 194x268, 2BE47280-8DF8-4C97-9324-9FC6DB…)
>>294296remember these are the people giving you relationship advice
No. 294315
>>294312not everyone has the same physological needs though, everyone's different.
>if you don't want any friends there's something wrong with youlike what? women who don't want friends are generally harmless. why do we all have to want the same things?
No. 294330
>>294327welcome to lolcor. still dodging the point. this whole thing really just feels like a case of
>stop disliking things i like!literally nothing bad will happen if OP (or anyone else) doesn't want friends.
No. 294380
File: 1665964001616.jpeg (34.62 KB, 500x379, E423A357-2968-4CAD-9221-BCA4DB…)
Any advice from nonnies who moved for love? I moved to a big city in a new state last year and I hate it so much. My fiancé feels the opposite and loves it as he grew up here but I don’t think I can take any more. I hate the city. It’s loud, dirty, I can’t walk anywhere without having someone yell or honk at me, no one seems to be friendly. I miss living near the mountains and having to drive an hour to the nearest grocery store. I loved the isolation but my fiancé hated it. Now every morning I wake up to the sound of people screaming at each other and cars honking instead of birds and the wind blowing through the trees.
No. 294381
>>294354Go back
>>294376This has to be bait
No. 294382
>>294380i moved for love and i similarly hated where i was. i think it helped that he didn't like it either but we did it for a good opportunity he had.
tbh im only advice is find something
anything that is just for you. cities might not be your thing, but there are so many hidden treasures you might be able to find your own little slice of heaven like an undisturbed park, a book cafe. Finding my fave "spot" helped me have something to look forward to after work
No. 294437
How can I get my bf to give me his opinions on things? I can't coax the most basic decisions or opinions out of him. At first it was sweet deciding where to go, what to eat, what to do but there are days when i just don't know. If I can't make a decision I'll tell him clearly, but he'll still push after I've said multiple times that I can't decide until I become frustrated and just refuse to do it.
The thing is these can all be considered benign things. I show him a chapter of my writing project, with the disclaimer that it's bad but I want to show him anyway because I cared about it. Benign because I'll never finish it or publish it or show anyone else, I just want to share with him. He tells me he likes it, so I ask what specifically he liked. "Everything."
"Nothing specific?"
"Nope"
"And you understood it, right?"
"Yeah."
"Anything you'd change?"
"Nope."
Does having no opinion matter? Not practically, but it tells me he's either not willing to challenge me or just doesn't care.
When we go into town it's only "what do you want to do anon?" "where do you want to go?" and then I feel like an asshole because I'm dragging my boyfriend around, except he genuinely wants little to nothing. On a good day he'll go into one shop or do one thing for himself. I appreciate a boyfriend on a string is someone's dream but I promise it gets annoying.
I generally think he's so scared of the smallest disagreement that it cripples him. I can't trust what he tells me because he won't challenge the simplest thing. Yesterday I was putting my hair up without a mirror and wanted to know if I should have more hair frame my face. Nope, no preference. I bake cookies that are too dense or undercooked. Nope, everything is perfect and the best cookies ever. Why should I trust what he tells me when I could serve him raw cookies and he'd still say it's the best thing he ever ate? it's not cute, it's annoying.
Am I crazy for caring? If not how can I get him to give me his opinion on things? Just asking him for an opinion or saying I can't decide so far doesn't work, unless I go mad and refuse to decide. I know he's capable of having opinions about food or film or books, just not when I am involved.
No. 294450
>>294437>but it tells me he's either not willing to challenge meWhat the hell is with certain women wanting their boyfriends to "challenge" them? Don't you have enough men being assholes to you on a daily basis, and challenging you on every little thing? I do. Last thing I need is for my life partner to "challenge" me instead of adding genuine happiness and value to my life. And if that's not what you want, just say you want him to share his opinions and contribute, not "challenge" or "push back."
That being said, your boyfriend seems like he doesn't have an opinion on most things? A lot of people are laid-back and just go with the flow, no strong desires of their own so they let others make the decisions. Have you talked to him about this problem specifically? Like "I notice you never share your opinions with me, can we talk more about that?" It could also be some trauma-related thing, like his family or someone close to him mocked him whenever he shared his views on something. Imo, you should find the exact reason behind why he's like this, and then you can take the appropriate steps to deal with it. If it's none of that, it could just be he's boring and doesn't think too deeply about or feel strongly about anything. Those types of partners are a drag to be in a relationship with.
No. 294471
>>294450A partner who challenges you is a sign of a good relationship imo because everyone has a room for improvement and since romantic partners are usually the ones we end up the closest to, they tend to see the worst of us. People who are unconditionally supportive but still willing to call you out on your shit have tended to be the people I form the closest bonds to as they help change my perspective in a positive way. Its super hard to do that balancing act when emotions are involved though and I think that’s why most people end up settling for whoever puts up with them.
As for
>>294437 I think you need to have a very frank discussion with him as to how he’s actually hurting the relationship by doing this. Some people just clam up and go with the flow because of conflict avoidance and while in their minds it’s just innocently keeping the peace, to everyone else it’s passive aggressive and emotionally draining. You can’t really connect fully with someone when they don’t let you in at all. He’s keeping you at a arms length away and hoping you won’t notice. Honestly he probably really needs professional help that you can’t and shouldn’t provide but if he’s wholly unwilling to even admit that what’s going is is weird and just wrong you might have to reconsider the relationship. Over time these issues tend to compound and these people become very passive aggressive because their needs are never met and become resentful that you can’t read their mind despite the fact that they never fucking communicate what’s in there in the first place.
No. 294526
>>294376in the event this isn't bait, this was shamefully the kind of behavior i got up to in my pickme days, and you will (hopefully) look back on this part of your life and want to vomit soon. i want to grab a copy of intercourse by dworkin and beat you over the head with it.
(seriously, get some respect for yourself and stop sleeping with this fat ugly sweaty moid. why are your sorority sisters letting you do this to yourself? what's the point of being in a sisterhood if they aren't protecting you?)
No. 294604
>>294596It depends:
>with men: moids will only go for it to take advantage of you>with women: Better, safe evenBut
>>294600 is right tho, proceed with caution, Fwbs are not as easy to maintain as they seem, being intimate with someone without shit going south is very unlikely
No. 294609
>>294596Ime it was rarely worth it. Before anyone lectures me, this was all years ago when I was much younger and dumber but with one exception it always seemed to go to one extreme or the other. The more common scenario is them quickly starting to take you for granted, they expect you to meet up at super short notice, they mess you around while making plans to meet, show up late, waste your time, want to meet you after they've been doing something sweaty all day.. get lazy when it comes to your pleasure and their hygeine, they dump out a sexual bucket list that they're too ashamed to tell gfs about but happy to try and burden you with. Ask for porn scenarios that don't appeal to women. The there's the classic so uh… have you ever pegged a guy? No I don't want to peg a guy at short notice esp knowing theres no way you prepped. I got better with speaking up so I learnt to give up real quick once I noticed those things but if you're one to catch feelings you could end up being pretty fucked over by just how little basic consideration you get once the initial novelty wears off for them. Night one tends to be full of them praising you and trying hard and its easy get swept up in that buzz thinking you're onto something good but its generally downhill after that. I just wanted to have a steady reliable go-to guy and not end up racking up numbers but honestly.. only the first night ever tended to be that good. After that it was messy, lazy, full of weird requests. I think some of it is game playing. That they're trying to play it cool but to a degree that comes off as just screwing you around. There's a world of difference between it being no strings and the weird games they play to try and look cool and uninvested.
And if they're not taking you for granted and messing you around.. they catch feelings and end up hounding you when you try to end things. Which was worse.
No. 294618
>>294585I'd say it's okay to be friends if they're seeing each other like once two months or just share uptades about their lives. If they're actively hanging out and talking everyday, you have every right to be uncomfortable. "Just being insecure" is still a
valid reason to say you're not okay with it.
No. 294662
>>294653Idk, I think it's kind of because most men don't actually want a romantic relationship - just the benefits of one - which leaves a lot of women into perpetually overcomensating for such men.
I'd really advise you to get independent enough to leave because it will be downhill from here with it slowly worsening your mental health.
Also maybe don't watch relationship/lifestyle vlogs. A lot of it is a facade and basically finetuned to profit off envy–not that you shouldn't get higher standards but it might have a backfiring effect of making you feel like you need to get a husband at all costs.
No. 294738
>>294232I could've written this about my ex, kek. I think you're being completely reasonable. My ex was a weird autist who's work friends seemed to only let him hang out as a tag along, and I think deep down he knew that they didn't actually care for him all that much. He would constantly tell me how I needed friends, and needed to be friends with his friends when that's simply not what I wanted. I had some friends, but we hung out singularly and I was completely satisfied with that. Yet, he continued to try and push it like he was some social worker out to rescue an isolated child, it felt pretty demeaning, and like he thought I was like this because I was incapable of making friends myself. One of the many reasons he is an ex, lol.
Your bf should respect you don't want to have the same friends as him. It should be on you to make your own friends, if you even want any. If I were you I'd just lay it out clearly that you're content in your own company, set your boundaries (if you don't mind tagging along to group hangouts sometimes, etc), and see if he respects them.
No. 294744
>>294712I'm interested in your story. Care to share what happened?
My advice from what I have is please don't be someone's caretaker. This is just for a few weeks, it will be like this your entire relationship. I'm glad you saw the signs before it became long term. Being friends is a no go in this case. If you were friends for a long time then maybe it is possible if both of you are mature enough. If you were not friends for long it's best to just quit being friends cold turkey even if you are coworkers. If you're coworkers or forced to be in the same space sometimes you should still avoid contact and be cordial. People who are mentally unstable latch on and guilt trip people sometimes.
No. 294747
>>294724That just proves her point… if men are willing to spend money on hookers but not their gf, what does that tell you about how much they value their gf?
It's not that spending = love, but a LACK of spending sure as hell indicates a lack of effort and interest. Honestly it's sad that we should even have to gauge a man's feelings like this but they themselves insist that they like being providers and being needed, it's only when they dgaf about a girl that they dgaf about impressing her with money.
No. 294758
>>294591>>294592>>294618Thanks for the replies.
I don't know if I want to tell him to stop talking to her, he's a bit of a shut-in (works from home) and has barely any friends, so I don't want it to seem like I'm taking away this big source of social interaction for him.
I think he talks to her somewhat regularly online, but they don't ever meet up.
I haven't spoken to him about it yet, and he hasn't really told me about it either, it was just something I happened to piece together.
How would I even broach the subject?
No. 294781
>>294758You sound like you're dating my ex and I'm the friend he's talking to, almost but it's eerie enough
It's a good sign they never meet up and they don't talk constantly, for sure; but if you're still uncomfortable it's more than ok to ask him to limit the contact even more. Just be straightforward and don't accuse him or anything; something like "I'm not sure about it but seems like you're still in touch with your ex, am I right? It makes me feel -this and that-, I wish we would discuss this subject openly"
No. 294928
>>294921idk, maybe
>>294924 but also maybe he's scared of cats, or he has a pet and forgot to feed it or something and your cat reminded him. ask him next time how he feels on cats and go from there
No. 294979
>get upset with my bf, tell him so and that I'll talk to him in a few days, he agrees to give me space
>keeps saying sorry and/or asking me to call him before deleting the messages
>start missing him and tell him that i love him and that i'm not upset anymore (which is true)
>he says how upset he's been over hurting me, he hasn't been sleeping, nausea, etc. I tell him it's okay, he says he still feels bad and that he can't get the thought that he hurt me out of his head
>this is right before I go on vacation
>first day of the vacation he tells me to call him that night no matter how late it is, this is my bad but i was really tired and fell asleep
>second day of vacation, he calls waking me up saying he's had a really bad day at work, part of it was him hurting me and feeling bad about it
>he tells me to please call him later today so we can talk, I tell him I'll try to find a good time to do so (I'm sharing a space with friends and we have plans to do stuff all day)
Idk. I don't think he's a manipulative mastermind but I'm kind of bothered by this. I don't think he's intentionally trying to make me feel bad about being honest with him and asking for space, i think he genuinely feels awful about messing up. But I am kind of irritated with this whole "I'm so sorry I hurt you, I feel so bad, I've been physically sick over how guilty I feel. I know you're on vacation but please make time to comfort me" thing. Idk, am I being a heartless bitch?
No. 294980
>>294979I doubt that it's intentionally thought out manipulation, but this guy is showing an inability to prioritize your feelings over his own in a situation where he was the offender. He's not able to give you the space you need because he wants his needs met (this is the cold way of putting it, although I doubt it's framed like that in his mind).
I would not stay with somebody this emotionally undeveloped.
No. 294981
>>294860Leave him… This is vile behavior and it's not going to permanently "go back to how it used to be", this is what he's actually like.
Hold in your heart the way you know you want to be treated now that you've experienced both the proper and the improper, and find somebody willing to build a real and mutually respectful relationship with you.
No. 294985
>>294979He was the one who hurt you, yet he makes it all about him and his feelings instead. Someone who is genuinely sorry apologizes, comes up with a plan to avoid the same issue in the future, and then moves on when you're ready and tries to make you happy again. He sounds like a pathetic sadboi. Now whenever he makes another mistake get ready for him to make it all about him and his narcissistic ass again.
>>294983Yup. I'm someone who has ADHD and I never use it as an excuse, especially in regards to my partner. Men almost always use it as an excuse to avoid prioritizing their partner, making plans, or doing anything of value really.
No. 294992
>>294987If you think there's something to salvage, you need to put your foot down and communicate that if he can't give you something as simple as some space after HE was the one to cause a problem, then your relationship's continuation will be in question.
Ideally, he just doesn't realize how inconsiderate and immature his actions are. IMO, you shouldn't be the one working him into proper adult shape, but if you want to potentially stay with him then communicate the way he needs to change and the way his current actions make you feel.
No. 294999
>>294995>>294996He replied to a woman looking for a man that "just wants to impregnate and leave it at that"
I couldn't see what, but I don't need to. I don't want to talk about it because I know what he's gonna say (we were on a break!), I just wanna do. I'm trying my best to calm down but only because I don't want to snap his neck as soon as I see him. I want to think of something else that will bring me prolonged satisfaction but I'm afraid if he shows up right now it'll be swift.
No. 295004
>>294999jesus
nonnie, the layers of shittiness there.. Don't do anything that could get you into trouble. You've proof that hes a lowlife and when shit like that goes down its hard to know how lowlifes will react back. Stay safe and assured he's no loss.
No. 295024
Ok so I had a serious convo with my bf about porn a couple months back, and it resulted in me asking him to cut back on watching porn with real people. Idgaf when it's cartoon, hentai, 3d porn, whatever, that stuff doesn't bother me, but real porn is basically rape on tape and I don't want my loved ones to participate in the gross porn industry. I didn't think it was a big deal casue my ex bf never watched any porn, he just masturbated to my pics or his imagination. My brother is also openly against porn. But apparently it's not the norm and I'm some insane crazy chick lol. I found out my bf's friends clown on him and make fun of me because of my stance, calling me "crazy", "jealous", "controlling" (that's all in the group chat btw, who knows what they say irl). My bf never defended me in the gc and even though he doesn't watch porn now he acts like he is doing me some giant favour.
No. 295050
File: 1666306362866.gif (1.84 MB, 480x270, 81E4069A-6DB4-4FD8-B9BF-004DD3…)
Have any anons ever come out of very codependent relationships and then tried to get into a healthy one? How did you react?
No. 295053
>>295050i have. was a pretty shitty 7 year relationship with a 18 year age gap. my ex basically moulded me into the person i was and make it impossible for me to find friends because he was such a creepo who hit on every girl he had contact with (because i'm bi so that's fine?).
anyway. he got super sick and i dumped his bedridden ass 2 years ago. was honestly kinda lost. and got with my current bf pretty quickly cos i guess i cannot be alone. but! am trying to have my own social life apart from him which is a bit of a struggle still, partly due to me not having experience with these things due to my shitty ex, partly because of my raging autism lol.
sorry, kinda rambling so don't really have an answer for you.
one thing i can say is - best decision i made was to leave my ex and try and be my own woman. it's still a thing i am working on and i bet it won't be easy. but i am kinda proud of myself getting to where i am.
No. 295086
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>>295031I trust him because our sex changed drastically. I don't want to go into too much detail in case any scrotes are lurking, but he used to take forever to cum, he'd put me into the most uncomfortable positions and try things that made both of us feel awkward. Now we have much more sex, we both finish quickly and even though it doesn't look as good it's way more intimate. The difference is very clear, and I can't think of anything that would infulence it besides cutting off porn.
>>295029Yeah, and his friends keep telling him that I'm some controlling crazy bitch jealous over pixels! I just feel like he doesn't respect me at all, and doesn't understand why I'm upset after he gave me the group chat to read. Does anyone here have any experience with bf who quit porn? I'm thinking maybe the damage it inflicted onto his brain and the brains of his friends is too severe to reverse at this point.
No. 295093
>>294987What
>>295091 said, be very explicit about what he’s doing and how it’s hurting you. I’d you want to be generous give him some validation that you’re glad he’s apologized and that he knows he did wrong, but that dwelling on things and not being able to soothe himself isn’t healthy. Let him know that everyone makes mistakes on relationships but letting that be a catalyst for spiraling and making the same mistakes isn’t okay. Try to say talk about things in a very calm and rational way. No romantic platitudes or flirting either, just business. If he can’t at least try and sustain himself it might be best to end things.
No. 295097
>>295096Random number generated
He thinks he is bombarded by bad luck. Normal things like someone cutting him off at a grocery store make him irate and are bad luck. Payments he can’t afford because he bought a house with normal plumbing costs associated with maintenance are bad luck. Missing payments and being removed from his insurance is bad luck. Etc.
RNG is a gamer term he uses for all of this.
No. 295098
>>295086>Does anyone here have any experience with bf who quit porn?My bf (now husband) has quit porn for me, but it was more of a long process than me just asking him to do it. I realized that just me asking him to quit would make him feel controlled and defiant and probably make him relapse and then lie to me so what I did instead is slowly blackpill him on the effects that porn has on him and on our sex life, rather than just focusing on "it hurts my feelings" Because then he can't write you off as just being jealous and his friends can't nag you either when it is his own decision. The fact that he is crying to his friends about it means he hasn't understood yet that porn is an actual evil not just because women are abused to create it but because it fucks with mens brain chemistry like a drug. My husband is now at the point where he is trying to convince other men to quit as well since he sees how much better sex is for us now. It helps if you keep him extremely busy in the bedroom so he doesn't even have the energy to jerk off, if he jerked off to porn every day before, have sex every day instead.
There are a lot of good videos on youtube by scrotes for scrotes about how porn destroys your brain. A lot of them are by conservatives, but men tend to be more receptive to those talking points because its easier for them to think about the effects it has on themselves than just the effect it has on you and female suffering. Remember that most men have started watching porn as young as 9 or 10 years old so it takes time to make them quit and understand why it's better for them, especially since society and their friends tell them porn use is normal and acceptable so you are up against a lot of opposition.
No. 295118
>>295098>"it hurts my feelings"No offense, but your partner SHOULD care enough about your feelings to quit. Of course you could and should educate them on the other reasons why porn is awful. But if you have to sidestep them and drive the main point that he's breaking his dick for him to quit, that it makes your sex worse for him, etc, then he is quitting for the wrong reasons (ie. his dick) and not out of understanding and empathy.
>It helps if you keep him extremely busy in the bedroom so he doesn't even have the energy to jerk offSo what happens if you get really sick, or are unable to have sex for a while? He's just going to go back to the porn because his mindset never really changed. "Can't have sex anyway, might as well just jerk off" It seems like you just sidestepped around the issue of your husband not having basic empathy and emotional intelligence. Trying to make the best of what you have, I guess.
No. 295120
>>295098my fiance quit porn on his own a considerable amount of time before we got together and we both set a boundary that porn is cheating before we started the relationship.
i think unless you find a man who has already quit porn, you should avoid them. you shouldn't have to train your husband on prageru like a dog to have baseline respect for you and women in general.
No. 295126
>>295098>It helps if you keep him extremely busy in the bedroom so he doesn't even have the energy to jerk off, if he jerked off to porn every day before, have sex every day instead.sorry but this is just putting a bandaid over a gaping wound, you shouldn't have to exert his energy so that he won't crawl back to porn, i fear that he hasn't got over it at all and if you use sex as a replacement then it's just made him still associate sex with porn use. if you are on your period, or sick, or just not available to shag every day, he will most definitely go back to it. also ngl i think you should be unashamed and direct and ask them to quit because let's admit porn isn't needed in a relationship - men don't need to use it, it's not a fun or productive hobby even though they like to think it's a necessity.
the type of moid to call you jealous and talk about you to his friends because all you said was "can you please stop using porn it hurts my feelings and i would really like you to focus on us instead" is not the type of moid you should be with in the first place, generally speaking. if you have to skirt around situations like this and tactically try and trick them into stopping something then it's just proof that he ain't shit and will probably just find another way to wank off to exploited women anyway. the conversation should ideally be:
>please stop watching porn it hurts my feelings and it hurts women>he has basic empathy for women in the world and agrees to stop using it because you should be a priority over random jailbait analgaping videos on the internet>both of you work together as a relationship to live a happy life free from the corruption of pornographic influences and you will feel secure knowing you don't have to pull 100 tricks just to stop him jerking off to itif it doesn't go similar to that then he is not truly recovered nor does he really give a fuck and is just temporarily stopping porn usage to appease you and stop you from "nagging" him about it thus why should you entertain males who do not put you as a priority
No. 295128
>>295126>you shouldn't have to exert his energy so that he won't crawl back to pornI don't find having sex with my partner an inconvenience. Also, honestly if you are not going to have sex regularly you can't really expect him to quit porn for you. Especially in the beginning men need an incentive to make this big change. Remember most of them have watched porn daily for like 20 years.
>if it doesn't go similar to that then he is not truly recovered nor does he really give a fuck and is just temporarily stopping porn usage to appease you and stop you from "nagging" him about it thus why should you entertain males who do not put you as a priorityDisagree entirely. If you make the reason he should quit porn just "it hurts my feelings" You will be less likely to see success and more likely he will just hide it from you and lie to you. If you convince him that it is better for HIM and show him his life is better without porn then he will be much more motivated not to go back. Doing something entirely for someone else is not a good motivator, it has to come from within yourself. This goes for all bad habbits, not just porn use.
No. 295134
>>295128>Also, honestly if you are not going to have sex regularly you can't really expect him to quit porn for youYou can. Have higher expectations and standards for your partner, especially someone you plan to spend your life with. You basically manipulated him into "behaving" in the same way you'd manipulate a child into behaving. You deal with young children in the same way, because they don't understand your feelings, how their actions affect others, or even morality; all they care about is the benefits they gain.
>>295133>From past relationships I have learned just asking them to stop does NOT work.That's because they really didn't give a shit about your feelings, which is typical for most moids. You basically stopped vetting your partners for basic empathy and instead took it upon yourself to "train" them into quitting porn. Which in the end doesn't matter because their motivation for stopping was inherently flawed.
>his motivation is entirely external and not internalYour partner changing for you is NOT a bad thing. It shows they give a shit about you. Your partner quit porn for the sake of his dick and because you dangled sex in front of him, not for you or because porn is morally wrong, but because he didn't want to break his dick. That's not the same as quitting porn because he began to understand how porn exploits women, because he knew you hated it, because looking at it ruins the emotional intimacy between you…
No. 295147
>>295137Nice cope. You are just sidestepping the fact that your moid didn't care about you or saw women as human enough to quit when you brought up this reasons to him. You had to rope him in with sex and the threat that porn would break eventually his dick.
>>295141>intrinsic vs extrinsic motivation. This is psychology 101.If you're discipling a child or you're a manager who needs to get coworkers in line, yeah. Not a good principle to apply for a life partner who is supposed to love you and care about you, because in the end you're just putting a bandaid over fundamental incompatibilities.
>>295145You may think this is based, but there's nothing worse than lowering yourself to be with a subhuman. Then again, most people settle for whatever they can find and try to play bob the builder, instead of having standards and waiting for someone who is actually right for them.
No. 295152
>>295149you say inexperienced and naive but what's really naive is expecting a moid to truly stop watching porn because you're fucking him every day (which lets admit you have put some sort of pressure onto doing that because there is the slim chance that if you stop he's gonna be wanking to bbw farting videos again thus you have more incentive to shag him on the regular) after some sort of tactful psychological sidestepping instead of just saying "can we just not watch porn in this relationship pls i do not like it for xyz and would appreciate if i would be a priority right now"
liiike i really do not understand this mentally exhausting analysis of moids like they are dogs needing to be trained. if you admit this, then you also shift the blame from them as if they are not sentient humans capable of making good choices vs bad ones. most men are just dogshit cruel and choose the bad path, women should not be feeling the need to hold their hand and "fix" them.
males know what they are doing when they watch porn and unless they're like 12 years old, they also have the mental capacity to know that the women who are doing it are not enjoying it. sure men are socialized into having fuck all empathy but they also possess the free will to be like "wait this is fucked up and cruel" and stop doing it. you shouldn't have to educate them on why porn is harmful and it just feeds into the cycle of women playing bangmaid and now teacher-psychologist for men who don't deserve it. i think this is all cope on your part tbh. there is a saying that goes like "if a man loves you, you will know about it" and this also applies to porn. if a man truly decides he's done with porn and finds it abhorrent, he is going to reflect upon it himself and make that decision on his own and you will know that he is done. no amount of you doing a hecking wholesome psychology session and giving him peanut butter on a Dentastix afterwards will work.
this can also be compared to drug addicts in general - even if they're in 100 recovery subreddits and have every family member crying in their ear about how they need to stop opiods, they're not gonna fucking do it unless THEY want to and unless they carve that path on their own. it's the exact thing with moids/porn and its why educating them is a huge waste of time tbh considering 90% of the time it either 1. falls on deaf ears or 2. you as a woman end up in a trap of needing to shag him or else you know he will be right back on xvideos.
>>295147>You may think this is based, but there's nothing worse than lowering yourself to be with a subhuman. Then again, most people settle for whatever they can find and try to play bob the builder, instead of having standards and waiting for someone who is actually right for them.so so true, this is also the massive pressure put on women having to "fix" their male partners and also the pressure for women to be in relationships with men who are clearly nowhere near good enough for them.
No. 295153
>>295151Never said anything about fear of broken dick, that's something you invented. I showed him why relationships are better and more fulfilling without porn and how porn use has the same effect as cocaine on the brain as well as how evil the industry is and how porn is used as a tool to control people and destroy intimacy. There are other things but I am not going to write an essay about it here. All of these things are important to understand and internalize to successfully and permanently quit porn. Just saying "do it for me please" Leads to men not being motivated to quit for good and resenting you for taking something away that he personally doesn't see an issue with.
Whenever someone here talks about having a man who is anti porn there are salty women like you chiming in saying "I bet he isn't really tho!! " Simply because you are jealous.
No. 295154
>>295152Idk why you focus so much on the fact that I said it's good to keep an active sex life when you expect him to quit porn. It was merely a side comment not my entire argument, which you keep ignoring entitely to build this strawman. You are arguing in bad faith not actually reading what I said so you can make the point you want to make.
I literally said that it has to come from them. How is "please do it for me" Making them want to quit porn for them? He's doing it for you. Not for himself.
No. 295162
>>295152Agree with you completely. Anyone who disagrees just believes
>>295156 in which case you shouldn't date men at all, just be single. Seriously if you literally believe all men ever are shit, then why date them? And why put all the effort into trying to "fix" (which is impossible) a person who amounts to a steaming pile of shit?
Sure, I wouldn't trust 99% of men to stop watching porn if I asked. I'm not naive. But also I wouldn't lower myself to waste my life with anyone who's in that 99%.
No. 295165
>>295163And they can want to quit because they know it's morally wrong AND that it hurts you. Believe it or not, people are willing to change and be better for the people they love, especially if they know it's hurting you. Convincing them through "oh babe sex will be better if you quit, you'll coom harder" and sexing them every day means nothing. Their mindset hasn't changed. They're still the same shitty person. You can't polish a turd.
This is basically the typical "I can fix him!!!" bullshit. Instead of finding, you know, someone who has empathy and values your thoughts and feelings.
No. 295203
>>295192I feel guilty because they have improved my life a ton and it doesn’t make sense to me that someone that showed they cared as much as they did about me would be like this. They also pushed me to get help when I really needed it and didn’t bail on me so I think maybe I should be doing the same or something. They’ve taught me a lot. It’s difficult to put what I’m feeling into words but I swear this is a different person. Otherwise I don’t know what I should think, that most people are actually into what they “frown” upon? He was “so” critical of non-committed sex and children out of wedlock and yet he was ready to do exactly that. Mental illness seems closest to explaining it.
A big part of me hates that I’m thinking like this and just wants to explain it away as a male just being a filthy fucking male, nothing is going on up there, they’re not deep and complicated, even the most self aware ones, even as much as they want and try to not be an animal but I can’t seem to shake the other thoughts off, like some sort of Stockholm syndrome
No. 295217
>>295205The more I think about it, the more I do just want to end the situation. He did explain why he was being hot/cold when he messaged me about his conflicted feelings but that discussion felt way too intense considering we haven’t been on a date yet. Idk why he’s getting into such emotional turmoil over going for a coffee or whatever.
>>295207I prefer that option too though it feels like avoiding the inevitable. I’m certain he’ll ask why I’m acting different and want to have a whole conversation about it. Guess I do just have to accept the scrote freakout, maybe it will at least turn me off men for another few years.
No. 295218
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What are upper class moids like? I'm getting the impression they tend to be smarter and better behaved than their poor/middle class brethren.
No. 295219
>>295203 >Mental illness seems closest to explaining itTheres no mental illness on earth that makes a man go out and knock up a stranger. Nothing you ever said to him made him do it. He wanted to nut in some rando so he did. Its that simple. If you're in shock that he did it.. its because he deceived you good. He lied about his character. Happens to women every day all over the world. He's a lying degenerate who had you fooled. Been there but there's no point in holding onto the denial stage. Accept it for what it is.
Given it was obviously raw.. have you been tested for stds. Did he get tested before you two got back together?
No. 295255
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I am losing my mind.
My boyfriend has slept with all of his femals friends it makes me insanely angry. I get that men don’t see sex as something sacred and deep, but I do, and I know other women do. And I just can’t get over the fact that he has been inside them and is still talking to them. I don’t wanna seem controlling so I can’t just force him to stop seeing them especially since they’ve been friends for so long but god, it’s making me so mad that I can’t stop crying about it. Why the fuck are they like this?
No. 295259
>>295258>>295256True.
I need to leave him but I really wish I knew he was a disgusting slut before I fell in love with him.
No. 295329
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Anyone got tips to lower your codependency habits? I’m the one who needs to stop and I’m the one who realized I act that way. My bf’s friends are in town and I’ve kept my space by opting out of outings.
No. 295333
>>295329Focus on yourself. Make other relationships. You’re own money. Focus on “reparenting” and validating yourself. The more you know you exist as your own person and the more you have to focus on outside of him the easier it is. Instead of trying to focus on him less. Focus on reframing it as focus on yourself more and other things you want more of in your life.
What skills do you want to learn? What do you enjoy doing? Where do you want to be? What do you need to do to be there?
Also I know you said it’s with you, but make sure he’s not feeding into it and enabling you or undermining you intentional or unintentionally to cause it. He doesn’t guilt you when you do things for yourself instead of being together right? Not attacking genuine question.
No. 295344
>>295322What does "quit porn" mean?
If it's some kind of serious porn addiction where he's spending hours a day then I can see him being able to change from that but if you mean spending ~10m a few times a week just jerking off to pornhub that is probably something he'll just continue to hide.
No. 295479
I'm starting to think my jealousy is not a good thing in a relationship, and is preventing me from finding an amazing guy. At the same time, I am naturally a jealous person and have bipolar which makes me feel a physical, fucking BURNING rage of jealousy, like for example, when a boyfriend of mine becomes friends with another girl my age, laughs at her jokes, looks into her eyes, etc. I would never do that and don't believe in having friends of the opposite sex while in a relationship. I cannot fix my jealousy, it's a part of me, and it's because I care a lot. I expect the men I'm with to only have eyes for me because I only have eyes for them, and feel that burning jealous anger when a boyfriend is clearly looking at another female in a lustful/attracted way.
Are there men out there who will honest to God only have eyes for me and not look at other women and find them attractive? My jealousy makes me resent them for showing any attractive or too much attention to another female. I become cold and stop being attracted to the guy when I see it happening. Is that actually wrong of me? Why is it so much to ask for a guy who will be the same as me and not lust after other women?
No. 295497
>>295479>Are there men out there who will honest to God only have eyes for me and not look at other women and find them attractive?Yes, but they are rare. You have to be willing to drop any guy the moment he crosses any of your boundaries, which may take you a few tries depending on how you vet or how deceptive the guy is.
Feeling some jealousy is normal. Don't listen to the idiots that tell you drooling over random women, porn, or fantasizing about them is normal because it isn't. They were just browbeaten into accepting less because "that's just how scrotes are." Protip, if you are resilient and stubborn enough you can find the partner you're looking for. Just don't settle and don't lower your standards, because that is the biggest trap that keeps you from having a loving and satisfying relationship.
Even if he does nice shit for you but still ogles other women/porn/whatever, don't relent. You want the whole package. Someone who views intimacy and sex the same way you do. A lot of dudes separate sexual attraction and love in their minds, which makes them horrible partners if you're the type of person who experiences sexual attraction to your partner only. They may take you out on a nice date, do nice things for you, but then turn around and jerk off to porn when you're sick and can't have sex with them without batting an eye. Or ogle hundreds of women on instagram a day when they have the chance. They are damaged, don't accept them because "that's all there is." Only date people whose views on sex/intimacy match with yours if you want to be happy in your relationship.
No. 295511
Honestly I'm really starting to consider dating males younger than me now. I'm 23 and for as long as I can remember I've felt icky about younger guys and wanted an older (not too old, 3 or 5 years older) guy because I felt it would be easier for them to be nurturing which is a strong need of mine. But so far they've been fucking awful and I'm convinced if men aren't married by 25, there really is something wrong with them. When I first came across that train of thought, it made me scoff because I know plenty of well-adjusted non-married women past that age. But really it's not applicable to most men. I also didn't like the thought of being the older person in a relationship, but most guys already start balding in their late teens and early 20s, meaning I look younger than most younger men anyways so who cares. Better get with one well before they start expiring. I can think of many positives to this, like you can get them on a routine that'll extend/preserve their looks, they won't get ED and leave you unsatisfied while your libido is still healthy and have to take Viagra to keep up with you during your mid-life, if they're dating older you know there's a chance they're less misogynistic, meaning they should be more likely to be receptive to what you say, which saves you a bit of vetting time right off the bat, if they have a porn addiction it should be easier to wean them off because their brain is not fully developed yet, basically they're more malleable than older guys. Also think of how cute an older couple consisting of the lady being the oldest compared to the opposite, where the man is the oldest? yuck
You guys can tell me if I'm being naive but that is all I can think of right now, forgot where I was going with this kek
No. 295581
>>294979Nope this is just plain manipulative. You don’t have to be a mastermind to be really good at manipulation. This guy is essentially not able to face the consequences for his actions and coming in to ruin your vacation because he feels like shit for treating you badly. It’s like he’s trying to punish you for being honest and asking for space.
If you intend to stay with someone like that you’ll have to be more assertive and direct when he mistreats you and then also for when he tries to guilt trip you about it because it’s unacceptable for someone who claims to love you so much to act like that.
>>295329If you want a quick fix then use escapism. Immerse yourself into your favorite type of media until he comes back to you. Otherwise I’d recommend reading up on mindfulness and shit and try to figure out why your own company isn’t sufficient enough for you.
No. 295588
>>295479>>295481>BURNING rage of jealousy>completely normalthis thread is the way it is cause it's infested with bpd-chans
also, op, what you need is not a relationship, it's therapy and meds. before you go full kanye.you will never be happy with even the most perfect human being until you sort out the issues with yourself. you will always find something to rage over.
No. 295595
>>295511I'm 28 and agree with your assessments anon, there's something about the way zoomer guys talk that I vibe with, but ultimately I can never get over the fact that they're younger than me for some reason, I also get clocked as 17-20 and people are constantly shocked at my age so it makes sense to date a guy who looks more my age, I guess I find that I end up wanting to mommy them though and I'd rather not do that. I just had a break up and I got on the apps again and set my lowest age to 23, some of them are cute but I don't end up swiping because it just feels too weird, maybe I'll change to 25
Millennial guys are definitely more the type to play games and bs though, I find the younger guys to be more straight up
No. 295607
>>295543Still, the less years they are into their addiction, the better it should be. If porn has become so pervasive and "unavoidable", then the new default/standard should be getting with the youngest possible guy you can. I mentioned how it would save vetting time, but you still shouldn't skip it to get a feel for how mature they are, as well as their childhood. I think if a man had a busy childhood, with lots of engaging, social hobbies, the more likely it is they didn't have time to waste jacking off.
Honestly maybe getting rid of child labor laws (for males) was a mistake.
>>295595I hate anything too zoomerish so can't relate with that, but yeah the mental block for me revolves around not wanting to be anyone's mom and femininity. I've shifted my view though and the older men get, the weaker they become, as well as unhealthy. If men's role in society is to be providers and protectors, how can a weak sick moid be able to take care of you?
No. 295658
>>295607Zoomer moids are THE most pornsick out of everyone. Older dudes still had to download porn from Limewire and get 10 viruses for it. There was still quite a bit of shame about porn back when they went through their formative years. Even older dudes had to find Playboys in the woods. Young men now have had pornhub from the time they were 9-10, hardcore porn right away. Probably watched Elsa farts on Spiderman videos on youtube even younger than that. They also grew up with Tiktok and Instagram so their ideas of women are completely fucked beyond repair. Younger men are just going to get more and more fucked up cause porn is getting ever easier to access and more normalized.
Unless you plan to groom a child straight out the crib or going for an amish dude you can't find a man not ruined by porn.
No. 295687
>>295671nta but completely agree here. It's really uncomfortable on the other side when you badly want to connect with someone, but your own reservations hold you back. If they're opening up after a while, it simply means they're getting more comfortable and making progress with you and the relationship.
If you just want a cuter guy in general, then they definitely exist but that original awkwardness shouldn't exist for the entire relationship.
No. 295711
>>295701Men will always, always change the moment you get pregnant or a baby is born. It’s nothing to do with you and more to do with the failure that is males. There is heavy statistical data showing men get more
abusive after pregnancy/birth. Stay with your mom and leave him. He’s also wanking it to porn because the pathetic worm between his legs isn’t getting any attention while you’re recovering.
No. 295717
>>295703>Am I retarded for being suspicious? If anyone else told this story I'd tell them he was obvsly jerking off.You are not retarded nonna but more like in denial of what's going on - I understand why tho, you have a child to think about, but you must always always trust your instinct, it's there to protect you. Women's instinct is so important, I cannot stress this enough, especially now that you have given birth. He is obviously up to something and the fact that he had a verbal or physical violent outburst when you confront him about it is very telling - my ex did the exact same thing when I would ask why he'd hide his phone from me and he cheated/watched porn throughout the entire relationship. It could be porn or cheating but in the end it doesn't matter because both things are wrong and his focus rn should be looking after you and your recovery, and also your baby.
>I am afraid his behavior will escalate in the future and I don't feel safe.100% I beg you to get your things and go stay at your mums house, the fact you even think about this is enough to set off alarms. Domestic violence usually starts with verbal attacks, and also throwing stuff like phones or smaller objects near you or punching walls etc. Eventually, it will be towards you and it won't be throwing something but more like him putting his hands on you. If you even have a shred of doubt for your safety in that house you need to go and stay with your mum or a trusted friend.
No. 295739
>>295711>He’s also wanking it to porn because the pathetic worm between his legs isn’t getting any attention while you’re recovering.That's just it tho, he's been getting plenty of attention. Sometimes I give him two blowjobs a day because he is so needy without sex. I have been trying my best to keep him happy and it's still not enough… Feels extra shitty when I have been doing everything I can despite being tired all the time and feeling like shit. I want us to be intimate and still connect so I really tried…
>>295717>He is obviously up to something and the fact that he had a verbal or physical violent outburst when you confront him about it is very telling - my ex did the exact same thing when I would ask why he'd hide his phone from me and he cheated/watched porn throughout the entire relationship.I think this reaction was because we were already fighting about this issue a couple of days ago and he feels like I am "bringing it up again" Or whatever. But how can I not when he does shit like that? He knows I am super insecure at the moment and this is not the time to test boundaries. If he was just pooping (I wish I could believe this) then he is the dumbest motherfucker ever for doing something so suspicious at a time where things are so rocky between us.
>>295720>throwing something at you while you're holding your young baby.. making you feel unsafe in your own home with your child.. Yeah.. I know. Its so tragically funny too cause the last time we made up from a fight he made it s point to tell me he wants to make me feel safe always. Well how can I feel safe when he can't control himself in a fit of rage?
No. 295763
>>295739nonny he is
abusive. stay at your moms, get full custody, and milk the scrote dry with child support payments
No. 295764
>>295739> I give him two blowjobs a day because he is so needy without sex. I have been trying my best to keep him happy and it's still not enough. Feels extra shitty when I have been doing everything I can despite being tired all the time and feeling like shit.I had a relationship a few years ago where I fell into the trap of noticing how less sex affected his moods.. so I was giving out bjs on tap as a fix-all to hopefully deescalate things before they could even kick off… can I take back like a thousand shitty bjs now that I know he went on to physically abuse me and STILL expected his orgasm to be a high priority? I had a cervical cancer scare, had treatment to remove cells and during that I was in give mode to 'make it up to him' seeing as his moods made it clear that a lack of sex wasn't something he could handle like an adult, no matter what shit I was going through. I was rewarding a pornsick selfish coomer by allowing that to be a priority. As expected he just took and took and the abuse still escalated to me being physically attacked by him. He wasn't a fair partner who could manage his emotions. Nothing I gave was ever going to fix that core issue. Theres a reason why people say to get out of there after the first DV incident. Its textbook that from here on out.. theres no going back.
Don't fret about sexually serving an
abusive man. Don't reward abuse with bjs. Don't worry about his porn or his cooming when he realistically has a high liklihood now of actually swinging for you the next time you have a disagreement. Hes not safe to be around. If this is the first physical incident then make a record of it happening. Don't give him the opportunity to be alone with you again. Men who escalate things to that level need to immediately feel the consequences and the gravity of that action or else they refuce it down to nothing. You'll end up being hoovered back in by him, fretting about his bjs some more, fighting some more and finding there's a clear pattern that men like that fit into. With every blow up they take it up a notch.
Let it sink in that you're in a domestic abuse situation with a baby in the middle and you're worrying about his orgasms. He has put you here. Your safety is what matters now. If you have support there to stay away then I hope your days of worrying about his orgasms are over. Don't return with a baby to an
abusive man.
No. 295770
>>295764I don't think he would hurt me, but I have to think of my child first obviously and I would feel horrible if he throws something again and hits her, even by accident. I also don't want her to grow up in a home where daddy screams and mommy cries. But I also don't want her to grow up without a father.
He has a lot of stress at work right now and I can tell he has been getting more and more frustrated with the babies increased fussiness. Its just really hard to have a newborn and it's wearing on both of us. I feel like I am left completely alone with it tbh because I feel I can't leave her with him because of how easily frustrated he gets. I'm afraid he will be mean to her. So it's all up to me to stay up all night and all day with the screaming baby. I feel so sad because my bf was always my rock, always a calm presence in my life, always endlessly patient and made me feel safe. But now he is short with me, irritated, thinks the baby has ill intentions when she cries (she is only a month old) and angry and frustrated all the time. It's so hard to do this all by myself while watching our relationship crumble and I am having a hard time empathizing with him when he complains about work or being tired etc. When I'm like "How do you think I feel? Have you ever done the dishes or cleaned up or put in a load of laundry to take some pressure off me? No you don't even see that I am drowning and you just make me feel worse having to worry about what you do with your dick while I can't give you what you want."
I am staying with my mom while I debate what to do. She is a great help, snatches the baby from me as soon as she cries, cooks for me and takes care of everything so I can recover a little.
No. 295780
>>295770Your child is better off without a father than this
abusive POS. Please leave him and look after yourself you deserve so much more. I know it's hard to rid yourself of someone like that (speaking from experience) but this will not get better. Have you ever thought about it in reverse, if a friend came to you and she told you all of this would you tell her to stay? I'm sorry you have to go through all of this but please stay safe you're worthy of safety and so is your baby
No. 295781
>>295770>I don't think he would hurt meHe has already hurt you, and he will continue to hurt you in more and more violent ways and I would not put it past this moid to also inflict violence upon your child.
>But I also don't want her to grow up without a fatherNonna, as someone who had an
abusive father who was so evil he pointed a rifle at my mother and me when I was a baby and also frequently beat my mother to a pulp, trust me when I say that you do NOT want this type of man in your daughter's life. An absent father is always a better alternative than an
abusive one. He has proven that he does not give a fuck about your or your child.
>But now he is short with me, irritated, thinks the baby has ill intentions when she cries (she is only a month old) and angry and frustrated all the time.He should have thought about this shit before getting you pregnant. I know what men like this do - he is doing this on purpose. Now that you are more dependent on him because of the baby, he is free to escalate the abuse and violence.
Please have conversations with your mom about this but especially get in contact with any sort of women's help/domestic abuse help in your country. I'm actually fearing for you right now because you admitted you are scared to leave her alone with her own dad - you need to get the fuck out ASAP. Anything he did in the past doesn't mean shit, the kind moments don't mean shit, the way he is acting now towards you is him showing his TRUE self.
No. 295877
>>295770I get that going into denial isn't unusual in these situations, especially when there's a baby involved but these signs after only a month of having a child together scream that this will end very badly if you don't get away and stick to that. You're already being domestically abused. There's no "he wouldn't hurt me" when he's already passed that point. Accepting that and building a safe home for you and the baby is what should come next. Away from your abuser. He stopped being just a poor stressed out guy when he chose to get physical.
Look into what supports are available for single moms. It might sound daunting rn but you're better doing this now rather than entering into a guaranteed cycle of abuse that still ends up with you in the same position of having to look into your solo options. This guy will do nothing but cause you both undue stress and harm if you try to keep him in the picture.
No. 296152
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Ok, so I’ve talked with my irl friends, my therapist and also bought a tarot reading about this situation and everyone tells me different things so I guess it’s time to bring it up to the nonnitas.
I am deeply and obsessively into a guy. But there are two major things in between our way: 1. He is my ex’s close friend, we met through him. My ex cheated on me and then left to live in a different city but visits often. Ex is already into someone else and I honestly don’t think he’s ever had any genuine feelings for me. 2. He has girlfriend… ever since we met, and we used to go out all four of us when I was with my ex. It’s an open relationship and has been since the the start because when they met it was already certain that she was going to live somewhere else. Some 4/5 months ago she moved to the other side of the world and doesn’t plan on ever coming back permanently, although she will visit soon (I don’t know when but I am already dreading this moment).
I’m into him ever since we met, since the first day. Of course I repressed this feeling when I was together with my ex but from the moment we broke up I started releasing it and nurturing it. Some 2-3 months ago we started becoming really close. I talk to him almost everyday through text and we see each other literally every weekend (with other friends, but it’s usually a really small group of 3-4 people). Sometimes we go out alone. He’s never flirted with me, never said anything that explicitly demonstrates he’s interested in something else other than friendship. But his actions confuse me, like fuck, we see each other all the time, he is very attentive and always seems interested about the things I have to say, he’s always wanting to know more about my life, he pays for things when we go out, etc. No one I know does this kind of thing for people they are just friends.
And there’s the scarf story as well. One day he organized a small party at his house and it got really cold so he offered me a scarf he had. When he handed it to me he said “this was the only scarf I owned for years, I used it so much haha… you can keep it, no need to return it” like what? Please tell me I’m crazy for focusing too much on this.
Some days ago we actually talked about the possibility of ever making out, he basically said he thinks I’m extremely beautiful and interesting but could not do anything about it because my ex would feel offended. And also because me and his girlfriend know each other so it would be weird because their agreement is that they have to tell each other when they make out/hook up with someone. Then, some days later we saw each other again and basically said he wanted to have a conversation with his gf about changing the agreement so that they don’t have to necessarily tell each other about that. Also it’s part of the agreement that they are free to meet other people more deeply and eventually have a romantic involvement with them, resulting in the end of their relationship. Ever since she left he hasn’t gotten physical with anyone.
Some friends tell me he is narcissistic and keeps me close for his ego, even though I don’t demonstrate how retarted I am for him and have extreme self-control around him. Other friends say he is falling for me even though he’s never expressed with words what he feels. I have a friend tell me we are already in some weird kind of implicit romantic relationship just without the physical part because of how fucking close we are. My therapist says I have to see where this goes but also know my limits. Tarot reader says I have to wait until 3 months to see any changes in our relationship, and that he is also very attracted and interested in me but doesn’t do anything because he’s scared I’ll come back to my ex, and also because he’s afraid of hurting me because he’s watched from up close how much pain my ex brought me. I don’t know what to do. I’m scared of having a frank talk with him, confessing my feelings, and ruining the friendship we curated, I’m scared of distancing myself and making him think I only got closer to him because I wanted his body and don’t give a fuck about our relationship I don’t wish for anything to happen between us while he is in a relationship with someone else even if it would be “ok”, but at the same time ALL I want is to touch him and grab his face and kiss his mouth and run my fingers through his hair.
In conclusion I know I’m delusional and need a splash of cold water thrown at my face. But also I don’t know how to proceed, or if I should proceed at all.
No. 296171
>>296153Open relationships are also a red flag to me and I wouldn’t be in one myself. He told me he’s not also the biggest fan of open relationships and that he’s never been in one before, and doesn’t plan on being in others in the future. From what he told me, the open relationship was their solution to the fact that she was going to leave the country and they didn’t want to get attached to each other, but ended up in this situation regardless. I think she’s way more into it than he is, and he accepts it because he likes her too much.
>>296160I know this is an extremely weird situation and that I’m gonna end up hurt anyways… I’ve accepted it so I think I’m just trying to find the way it will bring me the most pleasure along it all kek
No. 296179
>>296171>I think she’s way more into it than he is, and he accepts it because he likes her too much. I have hard time believing that but that might be my bias. But my bias aside, something that stands out in your story as a red flag would be
>could not do anything about it because my ex would feel offendedI hate this mindset because it somehow implies a woman forever belongs to some man she dated. Your ex was a piece of shit to you and he cares about his feelings more than (potentially!) you as a person? Not a good sign; think about it nonna.
Ultimately with his arrangement with the gf there's a chance it will fall apart soon, if you decide you want to go forward with pursuing him, wait until then. There's way to big of a chance it will get messy as it is now. Seems like that tarot reading you got could be onto something.
No. 296268
>>296219I mean, if you don't like each other irl it's better to find out sooner rather than later before you have invested too much into the relationship. The longer you wait the more it will hurt if it doesn't work out.
I met my husband online and I was also super afraid of meeting him for the first time and if he would find me fatter/uglier than my pictures. I also had to fly to a different country to meet him, which was very stressful and scary. Well we are married now so you can figure everything turned out well. It was absolutely worth it for me.
No. 296270
>>296219 >i am absolutely fearing for my life meeting him. I am not a stellar person with the best history, abuse and a bit of a groomed past. I'm also in deep periods of depression, my anxiety is an absolute burden and my health isn't amazingI thought you were going to say that your nerves are about your safety and not your appearance.. tbh if you've a past like this and if you've been forthcoming with him about that.. safety and looking out for red flags should be a much higher priority rn compared to worrying about looking good enough. He needs to show up and prove he's not just talking sweet talk online to butter you up. Anyone can be charming online. Just keep in mind that approaching a guy when you show low confidence like this and you've a history of abuse can be like sending a signal out that you're someone easily trampled on. I'm not saying that as anything against you but males meeting vulnerable depressed/abused/autistic women online have a tendency to take advantage of the situation. You do tick an awful lot of boxes that men are known to prey on.
You also sound like you look up to this guy rather than just seeing him as a peer. Like hes on a higher pedestal than you before you've even had a chance to check him out properly. That's not ideal going into this. It doesn't sound like the healthiest dynamic already but then its probabaly a sign that you need more self help before rushing into anything. He has to show up and make an impression in terms of his real life character before you declare him so great. I kinda agree with
>>296224 but then I'm sure you wont want to back out at this stage. If you do meet just try not to appear like you're desperate to be 'good enough' for him. You don't even know if hes good enough for you yet. This should be 2 equals meeting. Hell hes the guy.. he should be the one with more to prove here. You're the one taking a bigger safety risk on this.
No. 296283
My boyfriend is not very bold in our relationship when it comes to his friends and family. He has an assumption his friends and family, all of them live out of state, know I'm his girlfriend. I asked him if his friends knew and he said "Of course they do. We live together and hang out all the time and they tease me about us having wild sex and I talk about you often." It wasn't until last night when he mentioned how he is waiting for his dad to ask to meet me, which he hasn't, that it came to me he hasn't outright labeled me as his girlfriend. He just thinks they know by putting the puzzle pieces together. His family and friends can't read his mind. Even with his waiting for his dad to ask about meeting me, I need to tell my boyfriend not to wait around and take initiative to *tell his father, "Dad, I want you to meet my girlfriend."
All i can assume is that his friends and family think he's repeating the past of shortlived relationships, so me being around is of convenience. He needs to be bold. My boyfriend tells me how he doesn't want to repeat the past, but he knows our relationship is serious than previous ones, but one thing that's likely not giving him the full confidence is not being bold about it. He needs to tell everyone, not just coworkers, I'm his girlfriend.
No. 296297
>>296283Maybe if his pattern up until now is having shortlived not so serious relationships.. he might still be in limbo. Maybe he half expects that this will go the same way. The line from his friends about your wild sex life kind of inidicates it. If you're his serious gf should he be encouraging that view of you?
The best way of judging a guy is to figure out what his pattern is so far in his relationships. Its the most likely outcome of your own relationship too. I'm not saying that people can't outgrow phases but that but they don't overnight. Whats the timeline of you dating and moving in?
No. 296620
>>296219Some other nonnies gave you great advice re: not letting your guard down 100% until you're sure he's not trying to take advantage of your vulnerability, and while keeping that in mind I just wanted to say I was in your exact position very recently. I met my LDR partner for the first time, in his country, and the entire day up to it I felt so anxious that I almost threw up, and I'm usually not the type of person to get overcome with nerves. I think your feelings, while a bit intense, are totally understandable. Or maybe we're both a bit unstable kek but I spent an hour or so crying because I was so worried about everything and not meeting expectations and how I'd look and so on.
If your boyfriend is honest, you'll be able to tell. I don't know how else to explain it, but when you feel so disconnected and conscious about yourself, it becomes easy to figure out when someone is genuine in their praise&understanding. Be on the lookout and remember that even if you do not currently find yourself to be beautiful, NEVER accept that behaviour or sentiment from a man. If he's not true to his word, at least you rip the band aid sooner rather than later. Just remember that looking "manly and cold" is nothing, you have nothing to prove. Like someone above said, it's on HIM to prove to you that he's the person he's been portraying himself as.
No. 296653
unironically asking for a friend, she's not a farmer. my friend has been with her nigel for about 6 months now, and she gets really upset and stressed about saying "i love you". she's upset because he hasn't said it yet, and she's been hinting at it really hard in her opinion, but the only specific example i can think of is her asking him "how long would it take for someone to love someone". she gets really upset about it and weve had a couple conversations about it where ive told her that i think she should just be true to her feelings and say what she feels, she tells me she loves him so she should say that. but she refuses bc she doenst want to be the first, she says she's always the first with him. she approached him at the bar they met, she suggested they started dating, etc. so she wants him to be the first to do something for once. anyways, she slipped up the other day over facetime and said "love you" like out of habit before they hung up and said goodnight and he said "oh ok, bye" awkwardly, he apologized over text in the morning and she pretended it didn't happen and now im here on lolcow. i just dont really know what advice to give her when she seeks it.
No. 296723
>>296718there's literally a "spicy straights" thread on /snow/, lurk more
>>296722there's no trend of using "my significant other" that way. "partner" got hijacked precisely because gay people commonly use it to avoid having to out themselves. you don't see bihetties with bad bangs refer to the fat bearded scrote they dragged along to a pride party as "my significant other" nearly as much.
No. 296769
My husband is, in general, a very good man. He is kind, loving, helps me around the house, provides, isn't a porn-addicted coomer, and genuinely cares about my feelings.
However, we recently discovered that something specific turns him on.
I came from an angry, abusive, family with a lot of yelling, and I don't have much of a temper. Yelling sets off my anxiety, and I hate being upset in general. It is a bad feelings for me.
We found out his #1 turn-on is me being angry, though. He use to be really sweet, but now he will purposely do things just to get me upset. It is so stressful for me, and we have talked about it in the past, but he doesn't seem to get it. He use to be understanding, but now he is trying to gaslight me into thinking I enjoy being annoyed all the time. We talked about it, and I am at my witts end. I love him, but this new interest is so taxing on me. I have anxiety attacks now when I think about having sex, because I know he's just going to try to get my riled up.
I don't even have a sex drive anymore. I can't just "pretend" to be upset, because yelling in general makes me feel bad. I don't know what to do. In every other way, he is great, but I don't know what to do about this interest of his.
No. 296771
>>296769>my husband is perfect except for the fact that he emotionally abuses me to get offThis is fucking insane. No, this can't be fixed by communication. You already explained yourself and he's still trying to ruin your mood for his fetish. He knows you came from an
abusive family but doesn't care as long as it makes his peepee hard. He doesn't care about your emotional well-being! Is that really the behavior of someone who loves you?
No. 296778
>>296770He'll do dumb stuff around the house that he knows annoys me, and then he'll start poking at it implying that I'm only "fake angry"
He'll pretend he misplaced something, tease me about stuff, make up things that didn't happen and then tell me he's "just kidding"
>>296771He never did anything like this in the time we've been together until recently. If he had been like this from the start, I'd agree, but if it's something new it doesn't feel like it's the end all be all. I won't put up with it much longer, but I'd rather get input before I throw in the towel.
No. 296782
>>296769That is literal emotional abuse. He is not a good man, and he does not care about your feelings. I'm sorry. You deserve better than this.
>He never did anything like this in the time we've been together until recently"He hasn't emotionally abused me this entire time until recently" as if that means anything. Abuse shouldn't happen, period.
No. 296788
I've been dating my bf for a few months, and I genuinely enjoy spending time with him. I think he's cute, funny, respectful, and easy to talk to. There are certain things I just can't get past though, and it's giving me the ick and making me second guess the whole relationship. First off and probably the worst, is that he has bad breath sometimes. I'll tell him to go brush his teeth and he'll get all defensive at first, but will still do it. I also hate the way he dresses. He wears the same old tshirt/baggy jeans combo every day and just doesn't seem to care at all about how he dresses beyond simply being clothed. Then there's his place. I hate going over there because it's like a bachelor pad. It's clean, but there's no table, no chairs, no decoration, not even a bed frame. Just a bed, a desk, and one each of a plate, cup, and silverware set. These are all completely fixable concerns, but I don't want to have to ask a grown man to do what I consider extremely basic things. I care a lot about having an inviting living space, looking my best, and especially my hygiene. Even if I did ask, I'm worried he'd feel attacked or think I'm being shallow. I'm not sure how to proceed right now.
No. 297190
>>297155Sorry you’re lacking confidence anon, I know it sucks, but you won’t find the solution by posting thirst traps online. The kind of people who comment on or like that content aren’t the people whose approval you want, it means nothing. It’s ultimately unfulfilling because you know they will like whatever overly photoshopped picture they see next. I could take a photo of some random guy and slap a female filter on him and probably get a bunch guys thirsting after me, it’s all fake.
My old lady advice, get outside, get offline, do stuff in your city, meet more people. Trivia nights, sporting events, museums, whatever you like. Learn a new skill, drawing, guitar. Confidence does not come from sweaty guys telling you how hot you are on ig. They will say that to anyone because they want nudes. Confidence comes from within. Don’t like something? Work on it, change it. You can do it.
No. 297207
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I’m in a relationship with a woman, my first real relationship since I grew up in a really small Mormon town. We’ve had sex and I really like her but she’s the epitome of the uhaul stereotype and I start feeling freaked out whenever we have dates because she’s already told me she loves me and wants to move in and shit and we’ve dated a month and a half. I feel bad because I am starting to come off cold to her but I don’t want to, I’m just slower to warm up to mushy romantic stuff like that. I also haven’t told her yet but I’m planning on doing an exchange abroad next year for a year and I thought going in this would be a pretty casual thing but I don’t want to break her heart since she obviously is super fucking attached to me already. Help nonnas I like her a lot but there’s lots to deal with.
No. 297237
>>292481I’m the car insurance anon you responded to (I know it’s been a while I’m sorry!!)
Basically things have not gotten better. Any anons in this thread have experience with breaking up with your first love who you live with? I’m terrified.
My mum has even picked up on my unhappiness over the phone and gave me kind of a breakthrough moment…she was saying how it’s okay to break up with someone and not to make the same mistake that she made by staying with my dad who was similarly unkind to her. And she said you’re obviously thinking of breaking up with him aren’t you? You would have told me to shut up ten minutes ago otherwise wouldn’t you?
So yeah im feeling pretty lonely and scared right now. He has this way of twisting any disagreement by shouting and then I end up being the one who apologises. But our housing contract runs until July and there’s nothing I can really do until then.
No. 297244
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How do you fix the compulsion to be ‘perfect’ in a relationship? I think my last relationship got torn apart by both of us having self imposed thoughts of having everything always be ‘perfect’ and flipping shit over little things despite overall most of the relationship going very well.
No. 297255
>>297207You need to tell her about her your plans. The sooner the better. Sometimes when people are in a rush to go from 1 to 100 in relationships.. its less about loving you personally and more about them wanting a fairytale outcome overnight. She'll either pull away and chase that ideal with someone else or if it is genuine then she'll respect your plans and still give it a go. But she needs to know where your head is at.
I know there'll always be exceptions or stories that go against the general rule but.. your slow and steady approach is usually the healthier one. You're young and only starting out with dating.. don't let anyone make you feel abnormal for needing some pacing. A month is nothing.
No. 297257
>>297237Are you both on the lease? Are either of you in a position where you could stay on alone and scrape by? Thats just a long time to spend stuck living with an already angry man. Things could get pretty bad in the space of 8 more months.
I've had 2 break ups that happened with an active lease to consider. The first guy just abandoned me to pay it all by myself.. I sucked up the financial loss because it was worth it to live alone in peace again. I was broke but wanted to wash my hands of him and didn't legally chase my options for that reason. The second one I stayed on for 2 months with him and was desperately unhappy, felt unsafe the entire time. When a guy is showing signs of aggression it makes more sense to try and find a way out. Even if someone has to take a financial hit.
No. 297262
>>297244It will be a lot of work nonna. Do you know what causes you to have that need of always achieving perfection in relationships? If you're not sure, this has to be a start, finding out why. It would be best if you could get a therapist to guide you through the process, both finding out, and finding the ways to heal.
Something that helps is mindfulness exercises and journaling, both focused on gratitude, and yes, I know these are in the top 10 basic suggestions from every self-improvement books, but there's a reason why they're there. Look into it, give it a try, don't give up too fast. It's all difficult but you'll find a way, being aware of the problem and searching for solutions is the most important step.
No. 297294
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Kinda spontaneously had my first tinder hookup experience since getting out of a major LTR a few months ago and wew ladies… it was actually super good. We got drinks and went back to my place and it was legitimately the best sex of my life. I guess there's always the assumption with tinder that everything is casual but it was nice to get to know the person a bit before just going for it. We seem to be very into each other. There are some lifestyle differences that would inevitably become problematic later so I don't want to accidentally lead him on romantically or anything but I don't want to make him feel bad because I do want to keep fucking him and going out for drinks. We talked about doing this again but in the past when I have tried to be explicit about only being into casual flings guys seem to get defensive as if naming the situation makes it "weird". Maybe I'm just autistic and bad at it though.
Since I have no friends that I talk about sex with irl I have to bring this to you nonnies and also brag about my success.
No. 297315
Nonnas please help, I'm a little upset. I met this guy recently through friends and we instantly hit it off – he's funny, smart and really sweet, and we've a lot in common. I went out to a club with him and a few friends a while ago and after a few drinks I ended up making out sith him, which was fine with me because I liked him a lot and I thought he liked me. We went on a date a few days later, which I thought went really well. I ended up cuddling with him onis couch and kissing him again, and he held me hand when he was walking me home. He told me that he wanted to go out again whenever I was free, too. But the issue is – earlier tonight we went out to a small concert and he acted like we were just regular friends the whole night. It was bizarre. I kept trying to dance with him or catch his eye and he just acted like we were friends and nothing had ever happened. Normally when we're together he puts his arm around me or holds my hand but he didn't even come close. A girl he knows was there (he has a few female friends so I don't necessarily think he's into her) and we were chatting to her, so I thought maybe he felt awkward because of that, but when she left nothing changed. He walked to my bus stop with me, hugged me when he said goodbye and told me it was nice seeing me, but that was it. I have no idea what to make of this and I feel a bit hurt. I thought he genuinely liked me but now I'm worried he just sees me as an easy hookup or something. Is this actually weird or am I overreacting?
No. 297419
>>297398You don't sound asexual at all. It seems more like you don't find most men irl attractive because they often have repulsive personalities and don't take care of themselves or their hygiene. I was similar in that for the longest time I only found fictional men attractive, and was repulsed by men irl. My type is men who are gentle, empathetic, modest yet confident, and devoted only to me which is almost impossible to find. Like that other anon, I will go "not my nigel" as well and say that my boyfriend matches up with all the aspects I listed and I find him the sexiest hottest man alive. You just need to find your type.
>>297410Very based.
No. 297421
>>297416I'm inclined to say that if you think the situation could potentially worsen for you, to keep it to yourself. It's unfortunate for the new wife but your safety comes first.
How is he still contacting you? Have you not blocked him or is he stalking you?
No. 297424
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Sweetest nonnas, please throw me ALL your tips and advices for my big meet tomorrow with my long distance partner for the first time in 2 years, we met over lockdowns and both our families got ill and we're finally meeting and I'm just spending all of today prepping and having a mini glowup feel good sesh. What do you guys do when you're getting ready for dates? I love the feel of shaving and doing my hair, but it is a big fluffball. Should I worry?
No. 297425
>>297421Yeah I probably should just not say anything then.
I blocked him but he periodically makes new accounts to message me on social media. I blocked his number, and he uses something to make fake phone numbers and texts me from those. He also tried to follow me home from work to find out where I live. That was years ago but the fact that even tried to do that is creepy. I quit that job but can't really change my phone number for a number of reasons.
No. 297428
>>297417My ex also fell for the grass is greener shit, idk if he does now but he will likely regret it later.
He left not just our 6 year relationship, but also our nice spacious home, his only real chance at independent living, to pursue a weeks-old LDR with a profoundly unattractive broad who ended up dumping him because they weren't willing to do the distance. Now he lives with his grandparents and is broke.
No. 297461
>>297444I’m sorry nonna. I hope you can find someone better who won’t just bail on a whim. Im going through something kinda similar though it was less grass is greener and more just being overwhelming for him.
>>297459You have to get rid of the cool girl mentality. Asking a guy for clarity about how he feels about you isn’t insane or clingy and the people who frame it as such are emotionally immature retards. You’re not asking when the wedding is, just if he’s interested and if it’s worth continuing or not. I held back a lot in an effort to be the cool girl in my last relationship and I think that’s partly why it fell apart.
No. 297463
>>297439the grass was plainly not greener even if it DID work out she is a loser femcel who cant form a coherent sentence with literally nothing to offer him.
I'm not that mad about it anymore but it does suck. I probably wouldn't take him back now.
No. 297475
>>297424>long distance partner lmao
there we go again
No. 297489
>>297459Put it this way in your head, do you want to waste your time stressing over his actions or get this done and over with and hear it from the man himself to either continue or be able to move on? Time is precious, anon. It'll give you a great confidence boost too for future instances like this. Make it an effort, for him and any other moid you meet, to not let yourself hang up on questioning scenarios in your mind and be direct and just ask him.
I was once like you until recently, it's a whole lot of less stress and your quality of life improves just from being more direct.
No. 297573
>>297555First thing I thought before seeing your comment
>>297567 was "please do relationship counseling"; it's still possible it will lead to breakup but at least you'd exhaust all the options. If everything but communication is good and you genuinely have a basis to believe he would be a great lifelong partner and father, it may be really worth to try to work on it. You already know yourself this may be "grass is always greener" case, which means there's a solid chance you'll regret not trying harder in a few years. Of course this is not on you only, it has to be a 50-50 effort of both you and him.