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File: 1565921815789.png (49.68 KB, 1024x500, MovingOnAfterABreakUp-1024x500…)

No. 121656

Hey ladies, can we get a breakup support thread for anons who don't want to clog up the relationship advice thread? We can share stories and advice for moving on after a breakup.

No. 121666

My bf of 2.5 years and I just broke up. I’d block him but I have to keep in contact so I can move my stuff when I fly back in two weeks. How do I keep his number unblocked without getting some dumb thought to beg to get back together?

Help please anons

No. 121685

Change his name to something like "z speak to best friend before contacting"
The z is to keep him at the bottom of your contact list

No. 121686


What lead to/caused the break up? Remind yourself that there's a good reason for it

No. 121689

Avoid alcohol and do >>121685

No. 121695


try to not drink anon, it'll all be alright. you've both moved on for better things and probably for good reason too.

No. 121704


I'm sorry you're going through this anon. I'd suggest making his number even harder for you to get to: delete it from your phone, write down on a piece of paper and mail it to yourself. If you're having to fly back to "home" and only need to contact him then, international postage should match your speed of return.

No contact is the way forward though. Don't embarrass yourself by begging for someone to mean it when they say they love you. Stay strong.

No. 121710

He said that he doesn't see a future with me because he wants to stay in LA and have kids in the future. I don't want to live there or have kids right now but we're 21. I want to go to law school on the east coast, make my money, and enjoy my life. Kids aren't ideal right now.
I'd also be the breadwinner in our relationship and he was always fine with moving with me, supporting me, But he confessed to his dream of his wife popping out babies in one of the most expensive places in the US, while he's in student loan debt with an English degree is more important. I said I might consider adoption but he wants his own kids.

Fuck, I thought I had one of the good ones but his insistence on spreading his seed with no regard for health issues bc of pregnancy like a trash guy would just tells me all that I need to know. I sincerely hope that no girl ever falls for him and gives him his "dream." Men don't deserve us.

No. 121712

He says he loves me but he "doesn't want me." I feel so pathetic tbh. The one thing I appreciated is that he was fine with watching k-dramas with me, and he was supportive of my radfem views. I'm very unlikely to ever meet any other guy who will also engage in these things, and I feel like being single is just going to make me have a bunch of guys go back to trying to be "my friend" to get in my pants.

I miss the safety of having a boyfriend. I'm so retarded, sorry for the vent. Thank you for all of the support.

No. 121718

I feel for you, I really do. It's not fair to have been born a woman in this world.

I might suggest avoiding k-drama for a little bit, at least until it doesn't remind you of him any more. Remember that you have so much more to offer this world than just being a wet hole for some scrote who loses his mind if he doesn't have sex for 4 months. And carry on talking. Vent wherever you need to. I love you.

No. 121737

Anon those are extremely minor things. You can find a bunch of guys who would be better for you and treat you better than that man.

No. 121749

I need support now. I just moved out of a place I shared with my “partner”

They are still coming around so far as they’ve helped me move but we have to break us as they have done too many fucked up things

How do I distance myself and be ok? I’ve spent a whole year almost solely with this person and I’m feeling almost separation anxiety

It sucks

No. 121750

Do you guys think it's possible to remain friends with an ex?

We were together for 5 years and split up about a year ago. But he still came around my new place all the time so it didn't really feel like we were 'broken up'. In january I moved back to my home country and we talk every few days… I think I'm still in love with him, but i'd be happy just to have him be my friend too. I always let him contact me first (because I dont like seeming overbearing or whatever) and he never goes more than a few days

i just feel like this is unusual?

Also I still masturbate to him.. ugh

No. 121763

I don't think it's wise to try and "stay friends" with your ex if you still clearly have feelings them. I don't oppose to staying in touch with exes as I have pretty good relationships with most of mine and the girl from my previous relationship is someone I consider to be my best friend, but it's all because these relationships ended due to the romance dying out. You're only gonna end up feeling unfulfilled and unhappy if you keep him around while still longing for him in some ways. You could try and cut contact with him drastically for some time and then see if you've moved on and could still be his friend again without any ulterior motives.

No. 121792

I also forgot to add that he broke up with me over FaceTime with the camera facing the wall, but didn't even say it himself. He kept saying negative shit about us and then I texted him later.

We were supposed to be together in 2 weeks, in person, and he couldn't have waited? Like this was a 2+ year relationship and he keeps ignoring me and when he does answer, he changes his explanations. Like one minute, it's him that's the issue, and a day later, it's me who was the problem.

I wasted over 2 years to a guy who couldn't even break up with me himself, and couldn't even face me to say anything.

Are there ANY good men out there? Fml

No. 121868

Self-control machine broke and I started talking to my ex who I broke up with two months ago and posted about a few times on the relationships thread (ex. >>118550). It has of course proved to be a bad idea. In our conversations he has basically said I'm a quitter since I broke up with him, I let him down, he hates me and that he doesn't want me as a friend cuz he doesn't need any. Even when we started talking about topics not relating to our relationship he gone as far as to say things like I have no brain, bad judgement, I'm annoying, etc.

I'm feeling dumb and kind of masochistic for talking to him again the last few days. Please do not be like me girlies. Now I'm going to try to commit to moving on and see someone new

No. 121876

I still have negative dreams about my ex all the time. It's been over a year since the spilt.

He broke up with me one day and went on holiday with his new gf the next day (somehow insisted that he wasn't cheating) he then continued to sleep with me for a few weeks behind her back. He's total shit so it's not like I want him back but I don't want to keep dreaming about how shit he is either

No. 121877

Don't subject yourself to all the insults, we tend to hold onto those insults and mentally repeat them to ourselves for years afterwards, I'm sure he knows that too

Maybe take some time to build your self esteem before getting into your next relationship?

No. 121878

My relationship has an expiration date and we've both already accepted it and discussed it, is that weird? We are in an LDR and see no way of being together in the foreseeable future. He wants kids and has a traditional family and I'm pretty much a barren liberal GNC harpy. He also refuses to marry me for Visa/convenience purposes so we're stuck in an LDR where flight tickets cost $500+. We're probably going to break up soon…for now though I want to enjoy it. We sleep together on call every night and it feels weird to sleep without him. We are probably codependent at this point but I'm working on moving out of that mindset.

No. 121899

Well anon I'd say rip the band-aid. The sooner you break up, the sooner you recover. If you're that far away, it means you don't need him to be fonctional. Just set the bar very very low for the first weeks (eat twice, shower, work would be my goals). Anyway you do you. I wouldn't stay in a non physical doomed relationship. You don't even have sex ffs!

No. 121931

I’m breaking up with my boyfriend today! I finally realized that I’m allowed to have.. standards, I always was too empathetic and didn’t judge anything because I thought it was classist to refuse a guy because he didn’t go to college/works a shitty job/lives at home. But now I don’t feel bad about it, last week my boyfriend told me that he had literally no goals after high school so he’s doing better than he thought he would….. right. I’m in college, working part time, live at school, and belong to a church and am active in it. I need someone who can match my energy and zest for life, not someone who works all day at the same shitty job he’s had since he turned 18 and complains every day, then just comes home and smokes weed and plays Minecraft. I’ve been praying for courage to go through with it, and I think I’ll reward myself by buying myself lunch afterwards.

No. 121943

Good luck anon, I hope it went/goes well! Don't let men try to tell you that it's stuck up to have standards; you two are clearly in very different places in life and if you want completey different things, that isn't going to work out. Sounds like your issue has more to do with his outlook and behaviour than his 'class' anyway.

Enjoy your lunch, anon, and celebrate being rid of your deadbeat boyfriend. <3

No. 121947

It's been about 8 months since my girlfriend broke up with me. I think I've mostly moved on, but there are moments where I slip and fall back into feeling so sad about it.

We broke up because she didn't want a relationship, it was a lot to commit to and she knew it would only end up with me being dragged around because she's already so busy with work and working through a lot of her own problems. It feels bad but I accepted it- after all, what could I have really done? She's not really the affectionate type overall anyway, and even though she says I wasn't that suffocating to her, I think I was. I liked to hold her hand, I liked to sitting up next to her. I slept over one time and one time only (it was just a few days before we broke up) and all I wanted to do was hold her. I still remember the feeling of burrowing under her blankets because the slightly open window was blowing cold air into my face (she likes it, I don't, we didn't close the window because her bedroom gets too hot otherwise) and that was the only time that night when she rolled over and draped her arm around me- I still remember the weight of her arm on my waist.

I posted about her in the unhealthy obsessions thread on ot. I knew of her through mutual friends (in the same cosplay circle) for like 10 years, but mostly followed from a distance and never worked up the courage to actually talk to her until last year. We hit things off crazy well and talked basically everyday. Even on days when she was super busy with work, she would still slip in a message or two to let me know she was still around. Some days we just kept it to good morning/goodnight and she said she liked to do that because it meant the first and last thing she ends her day with is with me. I used to message her on formspring on anon, and I figured I had to tell her now that we were friends… I mean, it's weird and I found out a lot about her through it, and she thought it was cute that I was following her for so long.

She told me that when I smile my canines poke out and I look like a vampire and she thought it was the cutest thing. After being in a bunch of rocky relationships and chasing after men who just saw me as a human cumrag, being treated like an actual human being worthy of someone’s affection, it meant a lot to me. I’ve been self conscious about a lot of things my whole life and I’ve gotten over a lot of them and I do get compliments on my looks and whatever, but no one’s ever cared to even notice that small of a detail or cared to point it out to me that they thought it was cute.

I always download a bunch of dating apps, but once I match with someone I panic and I realize that this isn’t what I want. I feel like everyone falls short of her. She's a cis lesbian and dresses pretty androgynous and we share a lot of the same tastes in things. I’m scared to let go of her. I’m scared to let go of the wishes and hopes in my head that one day in the future we’ll meet again and settle into each other even though I know those wishes and hopes are useless and honestly terrible for me to hold onto. I think of her constantly everyday. I imagine what it would be like in the present moment if we were still dating, what a future with her might look like. I never really wanted to marry (outside of tax reasons) or take on my partner's last name because it felt like a stupid thing to do. When you're in love, what's the point in all of that as long as you have each other? But I don't know, it sort of hit me that like, yeah it might be a dumb arbitrary thing (outside of tax reasons lol) but I want it. I wanted to be able to call her my wife one day. I wanted to take on her last name.

I know I should stop thinking about her, but it's hard to stop. It's changed from "daydreaming about the most beautiful girl I've ever laid eyes on but am too chickenshit to talk to" for the past 10 years to "daydreaming about my ex-girlfriend who I most definitely should get over." Some days I get upset because it feels like I'm the only one upset about all of this. She's moved on just fine and I'm still trying to sort out everything. If she does end up dating someone in the future, it'll absolutely break me if I don't get over her eventually. I constantly wonder if I did anything different, would the result be different? I feel wronged in some ways that she didn't want to put in the effort to have a relationship when I was willing to do so much, even though I know it's wrong to feel that way and she cut it short precisely because she knew she didn't want to. I'm doing a lot better about my self worth this breakup compared to past ones, now I'm just sad that I lost someone because we don't even talk anymore. I wish we had just stayed friends but we were way too into each other and it was because we got into a relationship that she realized she didn't want relationships and all that came with them. Feels like one of those charts where no matter what path I take, I can only get the bad end. Except maybe if I never talked to her to begin with, but that's also a bad end because I would've just never been able to talk to her lol.

Sorry for the ramble. I do well most days outside of daydreaming about her, but my period just hit last week and it turned my brains into absolute mush and I fell down the hole of feeling like shit over her.

No. 121952

Thank you anon!! It actually went really really well. He was very sympathetic and mature about it and we agreed that we get along really well and will remain friendly/friends— we were acquaintances for about a year and a half before we started dating so I truly believe we can go back to being normal. I’m so excited to go back to school next week, I’m really hoping I stay single for a while but I’m also excited at the prospects of being able to go out and party and meet new people :)

No. 122047

File: 1566488444767.jpeg (38.92 KB, 800x450, 3EEE9AF1-29E2-49A8-9C0E-5B9373…)

So this is gonna be something crazy.

My ex bf of like 5 years dumped me for his coworker who was married, husband in prison, and had kids that she was in the middle of a custody battle over. He had been talking to her for months, texting around the clock, and even coming home late and insisting on running errands alone. I mean, he can do so much better than that, but he told me he chased her bc she was “fun to talk to” and a “cheap thrill.”

So I forgave him and I have been trying to get back together with him for almost a year (he dumped me on Christmas, of all freaking days) bc I’m stupid and I really loved the crap out of him. He literally told me that he didn’t love me anymore and didn’t ever see us getting back together. He was happy to be a fwb and basically do everything but commit to me.

Well he told me to go date his best friend bc he didn’t feel the same way about me and just wanted to move on and live his own life. So after hurting for a while watching my ex move on without me and lying to my face about girls while I was still in love with him (still lived with him due to financial issues), so I decided “why the fuck not?”

He gave us his blessing and I moved on. I’ve known his best friend since high school. I’m honestly super happy with this guy and I never thought I’d feel happy ever again after I got dumped but here I am. He is absolutely perfect for me in every way.

Now, here’s the shitty part. Ex, who had agreed to remain amicable and friendly, disowned me because he wants me back and knows he can’t have me. His friends stopped talking to me. One of my closest girlfriends who hung out in the same group of friends also left me and called me dirty and some other things for dating his best friend, and his parents blocked me on FB.

He fucking cheated on me, which is apparently acceptable, but me moving on with his best friend after he literally told me to go date him is the most damning thing?

Like, wtf??? I know I could never make my ex happy and I was willing to watch him move on if that is what makes him happy, but he’s totally okay with taking a whole ass group of friends away—people we both went to school with— and leaving his ex best friend and his ex in the dark because he isn’t strong enough to watch us be happy first?

If he still wanted me, he should have said something.

I literally gave him last dibs one night and said that it was his last call to tell me how he felt about me and our future together. He told me “I don’t know” and honestly, I took that as a no. I told him I loved him one last time and he ignored me and told me to go to bed. Apparently I was supposed to give him time to decide.

I’m very happy in my new relationship and I have no idea what I was doing without that person now that I know the kind of partner he can be, but it still hurts to know that while I found my happiness, everyone else wants me to kick rocks. :/

No. 122052

If his friends and family are all blocking or ignoring you: you know this guy is talking some shit or giving them a weird account of what actually happened.. been there and drove myself crazy wondering how his parents could hate me etc.. fuck him! Leave him in the past

No. 122075

File: 1566550202946.png (85.97 KB, 366x212, BUeKWdg.png)

Honestly anon, He seems like the type that just wanted to ruin your self-esteem didn't show you an ounce of respect and seems pretty much abusive and manipulative in the aspects on wanting to be FWB.

In an outside perspective, if you were to go back into a relationship with this person, he probably would've hurt you more and you're pretty lucky now that you have someone who treats you better.

I've also been on the receiving end of an Ex spreading lies to his friends about yourself and honestly fuck them they made their choice of listening to a shitty person and you can't make everyone happy, you just need to be happy and as long as you're a good person and don't hurt people you're much better than your shit-head Ex.

No. 122076

You should try to set the record straight in some fashion, i mean they already hate your guts so what have you got to lose by telling the truth?

No. 122097

Anon he doesn't want you, he wants your emotional energy and sexual attention back. It's purely selfish. That's why he made sure to talk shit about you to anyone who would listen while quietly trying to bag you on the side. It's a way for him to save face and have the…higher ground…in other peoples' eyes.
He's a narcissist and you need to cut him off completely. Also while it's sad about what happened with your mutual friends, consider them to not have been such great friends if they took his word about you without talking to you about anything.
You don't need to chase after these people, you can be happy without all of them.

No. 122117

How do you propose I go about doing that, anon? I’m not sure what you mean by “telling the truth.”

If it’s a misunderstanding that could be “set straight,” why would they hate my guts?

Elaborate, please. Everyone else is saying to leave them in the dust, but you’re suggesting a tea spill. What’s your reasoning?

No. 122132

Whatever it is that anon meant, I don't believe confronting these people about the issue would do you any favors even if you technically have "nothing to lose." Seems like they view you as in the wrong for dating his best friend despite your ex's infidelity. I doubt there's any kind of truth or saying in your defense that would change their minds to allow you back into that friend group. And even if it did, it would be awkward and you'd probably be walking on eggshells.

I really do think you're better off taking the highroad and moving on.

No. 122133

Advice on actually calling it a day? I'm unhealthy and always let in/give millionth chances to assholes I know in five months I'll be glad I left behind, but I let it happen anyway. How do I draw the line for myself and not take any bullshit from fake softboys who never gonna change?

No. 122147

Sorry replying late. But if its like you said then he probably lied to get them unanimously on his side, they didnt drop him for cheating but they drop you for seeing his friend when you guys weren't even together? Seems too fishy, like hes left some details out to come out as the victim. so why not write out in full whats really going on? that he GAVE YOU HIS BLESSING, lead you on, etc. They probably don't even know he offered up his friend first, and if they're really your friends they'd be willing to hear your side of the story too.

Of course if they blocked you i don't know how you'd get the info out, but pretty much put up a lengthy post on instagram/fb defending yourself, or try to talk to friends that might be sympathetic to you and explain how shitty he is. Hopefully they vouch for you within the group, at the very least you tried to get your side out.

Of course you could just ignore this completely, i just don't like the idea of him getting the last word when he's the one that wronged you. But you're completely justified in cutting them off for even siding with him in the first place. I'm just saying they probably got an altered version of events from him that's painting you as some evil harpy when that's not what happened, you speaking up might change some minds.

No. 122386

File: 1567084447707.jpg (187.71 KB, 1033x1200, kermit2.jpg)

How to fall asleep alone? I have insomnia…I triple check my door locks every time I hear a tiny noise. Everything wakes me up now that he's not here to comfort me. He used to comfort me when I had nightmares and cuddle and reassure me. Should I get a cat?

No. 122387

Yes. Get a cat. Having a pet helps wonders for women living on their own. Gives you someone to blame all the scary apartment noises on and also helps for company.

No. 122391

Seconded, get a cat. They are very relaxing and chill creatures. Although they might also meow and zoom around in the middle of the night.

No. 122558

Anyone have any experience in falling for a fake personality of a creep? You thought they were someone else but they were just manipulating you and using you?

My shit feels like a fucking Netflix drama.

I'm not gonna go into mad detail, just pinpoint it.

>Meet on POF

>Suspicious stories from him but I'm tryna stay positive
>Ends up living in my house with my parents
>Fast forward about 6 months into this relationship someone sends me this whole inappropriate gonna cheat on me convo with some girl
>Me, severely depressed anyway just meltdown after that and him denying it when I know it's real
>Try kill myself
>Nearly successful, 8 days in hospital
>Tried to dump him in hospital
>Near death experience causes me to think I should give him a chance
>Week later I find out about lies about his spending when he's been actively asking me for money.
>Go to break up with him, get assaulted by him
>Contact couple of his exes
>He's a rapist
>He's lied about pretty much everything
>Many run ins with the police about rape, assault and stealing
>Fast forward and his friend found sexual pictures of kids on hiS phone, he was arrested.

2weeks later no one has heard anything, dunno wtf is happening, anyone know how this shit is handled? (Uk)

He still has a case open with me as he admitted to the assault.

No. 122635


Anon are you me? Seconded please help

No. 122677

Not exactly sure if this is the best place to post this, but my bf and I broke up and we have a vacation in Japan we planned months ago coming up soon and we already booked flights and hotel a long time before the breakup. How weird would it be for us to still go and do our own things separately alone? I have never really been on a vacation alone, let alone in another country, but I have been saving for this vacation for years and I am not letting this breakup prevent me from going. We are definitely not getting back together either since he cheated on me. Any advice?

No. 122678

do you have a friend who would go instead of him? see if they can transfer tickets or if he can use the ticket later himself. or maybe see if the hotel will let you adjust your room to two smaller rooms. if not it will probably be a bit weird.

No. 122683

anyone ever date someone and slowly come to realize they are literally and truly TOO GOOD for you

No. 122684


How come you think this way anon?

No. 122702

I've thought this but it turned out I just had low self esteem, the guy later cheated on me and assaulted me, guess he was putting on an act at first to lock me down

No. 122707

For ages I thought I was the prize in the relationship but now I realise that's because he made me feel that way. I know better now.

No. 122713

Yes and it sucked at first, because they were basically like a magnifying glass zooming in on my personal faults by simply existing beside me, but over time I grew as a person and no longer feel that way. I don't think I would have been able to look inward and reflect on my problems on my own, so I'm really grateful that they came into my life.

No. 122718

you guys are ignoring what anon was trying to say.

No. 122853

File: 1567761297273.jpeg (52.75 KB, 576x576, 09D7D2FF-1D58-48E7-A00D-66AED0…)

Not a bf but how do I get over ending it with my best friend of 7-8 years? It’s another LDR where she’d ditch me for months and we’d get back together like nothing happened. I finally decided enough was enough and left her a message (which she still hasn’t read/responded to) about 2 months ago and now I’m trying resist reaching out to her like I tried to before.

I’m hurting less than I thought I would but I miss our interactions. She’s the only person who knew all of me. I think about the fact I can’t make our in-jokes anymore, I can’t crack them to other people because it won’t make sense. I’ll go about my day and sometimes I’ll see something I’d love to laugh at with her later or endlessly talk about into the night but then I have to tell myself I can’t do that anymore. We were perfect, when we were together. It’s just every time we weren’t.

I think I should find someone else out there, maybe even start dating properly but that’s its own set of hurdles and it won’t be the same as her. I can’t gossip about what’s basically the contents of /g/ to a guy, it’s a totally different dynamic. And I’m not going to ‘settle’ for a girl and possibly break her heart because I’m not gay enough for it to be more than a fling.

more whining: I’m incredibly low maintenance, I never demand anything of my friends, I’m seriously not a clingy type nor am I easily jealous but the one person I thought I could rely on to fulfil my modest social needs? Abandons me. Over and over again. And I don’t know what I was trying to prove, or to who, by enduring it. It’s been so long I think more than half of those 7 years were spent on me waiting for her. Who am I kidding, I’m the only one keeping count for something that doesn’t exist anymore. I can’t even be angry at her, there’s no one there to be angry at, and I couldn’t hurt her even if I wanted to.

No. 122860

I think they made good points about how it could be a self esteem issue, anon didn't give any detail to really judge it by

No. 122902


I feel this, anon. You owe it to yourself to let that friendship end. Someone who cares about you and respects you isn't going to ditch you and crawl back into your life like nothing happened. You're going to meet new people and make new friends, and you'll have a different connection with them than you did this person. It sucks to lose someone who you feel really got you, but nostalgia is going to keep you in places you don't belong with people who do the bare minimum.

Don't hang onto people because you worry that you'll never have a connection as special like that ever again. You probably will, and it might even be better.

No. 123189

……………N*ku is that you???? That better not be you for fuck's sake

No. 123269

was in a relationship a few years ago and they ended up being a major pyscho and catfish. they would force me to be in skype calls 24/7 for example and would even listen to me while im asleep, whenever i said i was uncomfortable, they would threaten to kill themselves. only just a select few believe me and they still catfish and ruin other's lives; whenever i would talk about it people would go as far and tell me i deserve to be in jail for slandering. after three years im still traumatized and am always thinking people are lying to me. been in another relationship for three years now, i love him to death but sometimes i just let the trauma take ahold and think hes lying to me about loving me.

No. 123295

File: 1568364619515.jpg (77.32 KB, 945x861, IMG_20190624_131928.jpg)

>mfw havent slept for 2 days

It sounds retarded I know but I broke up with my bf of 2 years a few months ago and so far my life has been pretty normal until this past week. I cant sleep bc no matter what I always have dreams of me and him hanging out/having sex/having a good time like we always used to and every single time I wake up I'm having a panic attack like I used to before we got together. And ever since those recurring dreams I've noticed small weird things in my life that I would normally chat with him about when I get the chance.
Example: my coworker was wearing an absolutely hideous jacket one day and I pulled out my fucking phone to text him and when I realized I had to hide in the bathroom to cry. Idk what my brain is trying to tell me but fuck this shit. Genuinely fuck feelings. How do I stop my brain from trying to guilt trip me and robbing me of my sleep? Or should I accept the insomnia demon and start snorting coke again?

No. 123301

Spent 3 years living with a guy and cried more in those 3 years than the rest of my 30 years on earth. He had me convinced it was all ME being emotionally fucked and with my history of mental health problems I believed him.

He treated me horribly and was always making ultimatums, forced me to play with his ass under the threat of him kicking me out.. and any time I cried about anything he accused me of just trying to manipulate him.

I feel a huge weight has been lifted since he cheated and dumped me.. but I still constantly dream about him showing up in my life again and trying to fuck with me any way he can. No wonder he has a string of 'crazy exes' I fully believe he chooses slightly depressed/anxious women and then sets to destroying their mental health completely

No. 123303

If it's like this just this week then try to wait it out. Maybe you're going through more stress than usual? Or it's hormones? Try to keep your mind busy. Do you have a close friend? If yes, then confide in them and when you're feeling the urge to text your ex, text that friend instead. This way you will cheat your brain, you will get some relief without doing an oopsie.
If it lasts, try a rebound. Put yourself out there. Just having someone to text/flirt with and give you some attention may make it disappear. Sometimes we mistake missing a person with missing the attention, warmth, intimacy etc. And sometimes we just need those, so provide them for yourself if you can (and want). Good luck. Don't do coke.

No. 123306

Me and my ex broke up 1 year ago and 3 months ago we started talking again and we had sex on one occasion. We broke up because I had a mental break down and self-harmed after I found out he was talking to his ex about me in a negative way.

I still love him and he tells me he loves me but doesn't want to date because he doesn't feel like dating at the moment. We talk everyday but he refuses to add me on Facebook or any other social media, we only talk on Tumblr. He tells me that what he is doing is good for me because I have someone to socialize with. I'm in a very bad situation mentally, financially, socially etc and have no one supporting me and have to work something really shady in order to not be homeless something that breaks me emotionally, so at the end of the day I just need someone to talk to/be close with.

He will be in my town in a week and he will probably ask to meet me at one point and if we meet I'll probably fuck him because I have bad impulse control and I'm human touch starved and I am still very attracted to him and he has a great dick.

I don't know what to do, I feel so weak and stupid and alone. I don't even understand if he will ever want to date me again. What should I do? I was thinking of still talking to him online just as a friend but never meeting him altogether so I won't catch even more feelings. I'm really confused, I don't understand if he has feelings for me or not but he probably thinks I'm not good enough for him because I'm "insane".

No. 123309

Sounds like he's just using you. He doesn't want to have a real relationship with you, he just wants to use you for sex. And that bit about when he talked to his ex about you negatively just sounds awful. Have you got your parents/relatives that could help you with your problems?

No. 123311

You are being used

I know you're in a vulnerable spot right now but he is taking advantage of your loneliness and this'll ultimately end in more pain for you

No. 123317

>He tells me that what he is doing is good for me because I have someone to socialize with.
Yet he won't interact with you on any social media platforms or be seen in public with you. It's because he doesn't want anyone to know he's seeing you, anon. You're a secret and he's taking advantage of how lonely you are. Stringing you along with lofty statements like how he doesn't feel like dating now, as if there's a chance he may change his mind later. I assure you he has no intentions of taking you seriously ever again. Someone who cares wouldn't treat you like this or give themselves such asspats just for chatting with you on tumblr.

Now, I completely understand what it's like to be touch-starved and needing any kind of interaction including sexual. Yet unless you can completely separate your romantic feelings from this arrangement, and accept that you're using each other to meet a need, it will only make you feel worse.
Wouldn't you prefer to be pursuing someone else who you'd at least stand a chance at being in a happy relationship with? If you've caught feelings, you're gonna be wasting your time on this guy who will never reciprocate them.

No. 123426

I feel like I have to break up with my boyfriend for both our sakes. I have no money to move back to my home state and it would likely take 6 plus months to even make enough money for it. I think I feel stuck because I don't make a lot of money and he provides for us in terms of rent and bills. I don't have a strong support system either, I'm not close with my family. I keep fantasizing about dating other people (specifically women, I'm bi). I also haven't really tried to work it out with him so maybe I am jumping the gun too soon? It's not like it's a terrible relationship or anything like that. I'm just completely bored and feel no passion towards him. I don't know what to do.

No. 123433

This sounds familiar, I think you posted in another thread and I was one of the people encouraging you to go your own way?

Does he seem like the kind of guy to be civil and help with your ticket as a final good gesture?

No. 123559

This is mostly a vent I guess. I've posted a few times in the relationship advice thread (honestly, too many times to really claim I have any selfrespect). Last night I finally broke: my ex told me he was the only person that cared about me after I told him he was not being very compassionate and to "come talk to [him] once [I] remember that". This was the final straw on the dead horse's back. I said to him hold the fuck up, I maybe would have agreed with you when we first got together, but I have plenty friends that I know care about and support me. As soon as I said I wasn't putting up with this relationship anymore he started backtracking, tried to pretend there wasn't any talk of me wanting to end it, kept calling me 'babe' and saying he loved and missed me.

I very nearly caved to it anons. He's pulled this a few times because he knows how much I hate bringing it back up again and I think he tries to distract me long enough to 'win me back' or whatever. I told him I meant it. That I wasn't happy. That I thought our recent holiday would change those feelings but I was on edge the whole time, I kept going to sleep every time he tried to initiate sex because I haven't been attracted to him for a while now and it was easier to pretend to be too exhausted than having to say no. He later encouraged me to talk time to think on it which I wouldn't have minded, but then said he was really unhappy too and it seemed really pointless continuing on.

He still wants to be friends. He still wants me in his life. Honestly I'm indifferent but I have things at his house I need to collect so I'd rather stay in contact for now. But the worst part is I'm not even crying over him or us, I'm crying about being single and lonely again? I don't really even mind talking to him because I don't need to worry about putting effort in anymore and I feel like I got over him months ago when I first started feeling like this and first tried to mention my dissatisfaction with the relationship. I feel like a bitch for saying it, but fuck.

Anyway, how do I become accustomed to single life again? I've spent so much of my time talking to him or with him. Without the relationship I really don't have that much to do. I'm clinically depressed so I don't really have many hobbies. How do I stop worrying about being alone? I kept crying at work today and I don't really know how to keep sneaking off to the bathroom without just looking like a slacker.

No. 123583

>my ex told me he was the only person that cared about me after I told him he was not being very compassionate and to "come talk to [him] once [I] remember that"
that's really not nice. not cool of him. obviously it is untrue and that is not nice of him.

sorry in advance because i cant recommend much because ive been anhedonic all of my life, but obviously hobbies are good. i can't recommend any personally but what does work for me when i'm feeling distraught and alone with my thoughts thanks to my ex, is routinely pampering myself and getting into a better routine with skincare, haircare, and creating a like, 30 step program by like, exfoliating my entire body, dousing my entire body in tea toner, moisturizing my entire body like 8 times by layering products (toner, humectant, then emollient, occlusive) giving myself acrylics, doing foot peels/taking care of my feet, and olaplexing my hair, giving myself root perms, dyeing my hair all of this stupid stuff gets my mind off of it for a bit and i feel genuinely better for a little while after and i do feel pampered. its a massive waste of time and very pointless but it's a healthy distraction and i get 'into it' more than other things, not sure why. i dont care about my appearance but i feel more 'put together' when i put my time into this. it's pathetic but it works for me.

No. 123608

My boyfriend dumped me in January after 5 years of dating, but we still talk every day and our friends are all still each other’s friends and I still think there’s a chance he could take me back in the future.

I got a Tinder account and started talking to new people for the hell of it and met up with a guy. He really likes me and wants to start taking me out on dates but I’m terrified that my ex or one of my friends will see me and think I’ve moved on too quickly or that I’m being disloyal to my ex. It scares me so much it makes me want to puke even thinking about it. Am I being stupid?

No. 123609

"moving on too quickly"
??? it's been 8 months

No. 123610

I guess it feels like it //should// be taking longer since I was in the relationship for so long, you know?

No. 123611

what's a time frame you feel is acceptable? i feel like if you were the one broken up with there shouldn't be an expectation that you need an extended period of time to "be respectful". he lost that privilege when he broke up with you.

No. 123615

File: 1568728818632.jpg (90.55 KB, 960x960, 1567365257113.jpg)

>got fucked over by a girl
>people warned me about her in the beginning, but none of them were close with her so I thought it was just her being "controversial"
>decide to keep her as a friend because I really like her company and she likes mine
>can't forget her even though she's VERY below my league under every point of view, as confirmed by everyone who knows both of us
>meanwhile she just keeps on flirting with everything that breathes
I really should love myself, huh… doesn't help that I'm living in Bumfuckville until this winter and dating apps fucking suck. I deserve much better, my brain gets it but my feelings don't.

No. 123629

You are more than likely attached to the only thing you consider safe even though it isn’t because it doesn’t allow you to grow in in a relationship.

Where do you see yourself?
Chasing this girl at 33?

Find someone else and if you get feelings again imagine her shitting trust me it works

No. 123646

Thanks. I don't think that's pathetic at all, if it brings you peace and makes you happy you shouldn't feel embarrassed about your coping mechanisms. There are much worse things to do to distract yourself than self-care.

I don't know if I'll ever get into a massive skincare routine but I should probably get back onto the basics, I've neglected myself a little too much lately due to stress. I really appreciate the support and advice.

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