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Get amazing advice from fellow farmers, or just vent your relationship feels.
The only thing that matters is if you guys are compatible and that he's not a minor now.
You only come across a limited number of people you can love, and it would be supremely wasteful to let someone go because they are a different age.
I'm an old hag that's loved and fucked guys a decade in both directions and I cringe to think that I might have let either of them go because I was afraid of age gaps.
It's not that
bad of a difference… My bf is 23 and I'm 25, which, sure, isn't anything special but I get such extreme reactions when I tell people that I'm older because 1) he looks older than me, 2) I have a vagina and 3) I'm not into older dudes because they tend to give the relationship a weird power dynamic/vibe and I'm not into that.
He's okay with you cheating which doesn't make him a gentleman at all, especially considering the fact that he's his 'friend'. Also, consider that your bf is the one who takes care of your kid and everything because he loves you (presumably) and Guy is only there for a fun fling, especially since he doesn't even expect you to leave his 'friend' for him, effectively cucking (sorry) your bf.
He is no friend and he is no gentleman.
girl. stop. STOP. Like yesterday. There's a reason why you feel like shit, and guilty. You know what you're doing is wrong. It's normal for a lot of people to get crushes, but what you have to do is make a conscious effort NOT to feed it, okay? Cut this person out, or if that's impossible, avoid him as much as you can. Focus on your partner and doing things with him.
Also stop with the "I should probably kill myself to keep from hurting anyone" there's a much easier way to keep from hurting anyone, it's called stop what you're doing.
We tend to get in these "I am bad and should punish myself for it" loops when we don't actually want to stop what we're doing, but need to let the guilt manifest somehow. Be aware of that and nip it too.
Did both of you miss the part where she said it's the first time she's been happy in 5 years? We don't know anything about the dynamic she has with her current bf. He could be a completely toxic influence in her life for all we know. Because of this, we also don't know whether or not the friend is necessarily a worse alternative.
I don't condone cheating of any kind, but I do know that it doesn't typically happen in healthy relationships where both parties are on the same page and communicating effectively.>>70456>I should probably just kill myself to keep from hurting anyone
OP, this is seriously scary to read considering you have a child. You desperately need to get it together and start acting like an adult. Essentially, you have two choices here. Stop fucking around on your boyfriend and go to couples counseling, so that whatever issue(s) have lead you to consider cheating can be resolved, or end the relationship, period.
You don't have to hurt anyone. You are consciously making that decision by engaging in this emotional affair. In addition to hurting your boyfriend and (potentially) his friend, you are also hurting yourself by getting into this negative thought cycle of believing you have no control over your own actions.
you sound like you don't know very much. op is probaby 'happy' because it's something new, this is how everyone is. relationships get boring and stale and being content doesn't mean being happy. you too are judging her situation by assuming their relationship is toxic.
also, don't encourage her shit by acknowledging her attention whoring about killing herself.
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Anyone ever have a bf with a slight drinking problem?
He works at a bar and there's a fuckton of drama right now between one of the co-owners and a female coworker (who desperately needs to be fired but none of the guys will bc she's their 'friend'). When bf drinks, he takes a lot of his frustration and anger out on me. Like not directly at me, but he's still raving and yelling and throwing shit in my presence. Sometimes I really feel like saying idgaf, it's your problem, and if it gets bad enough leave.
Bf moderately drinks every day, like 1-4 beers. But some days after work or inventory he decides to go to the craft tavern next door to his own tavern and slam down a few more.
Just today I stayed home from work and planned on making a really elaborate Korean dinner. Seriously, this shit takes like two hours. And I was waiting for bf to get out of work so we could go buy the ingredients. He calls me at 4pm, tells me he's drinking a bit but should be home soon.
Wellllll, come 5:50pm I have to call him and tell him to come home already. He doesn't drive so he walks. The second he gets home he stumbles into the front door area and I can tell he's tipsy. I decide to walk to the store instead of drive us. He makes an embarrassing scene in front of a barbecue restaurant he has a vendetta against (literally yelled "FUCKIN CLOSE ALREADY" when we passed it). And in the asian store he kept bumping into me and singing really obnoxious songs. Like, I was already pissed at him for being late. Him trying to be 'cute' was having the opposite effect. I just wanted things to be quiet and he was being so loud and stupid.
On the way back I got visibly pissy from the obnoxiousness and so then he starts sulking and trying to appeal to me. He's like "Well I can help you cook anon" No. No he fucking can't help me cook. He sucks at cooking #1. #2, he's inebriated. He'll do shit wrong and fuck it up. He knows I'll say no, don't help, so he can act like he offered and wash himself clean of the situation.
Hell when we got back inside I asked for the "Steamer" which is our metal pot in our pantry, so he tries looking for the plastic basket that goes into our rice cooker in the cabinet. Bc he literally doesn't understand what needs to be done for the recipe and the plastic basket was way out in left field.
Then of course the drunk work tirade ensues.
We're already over it as far as he's concerned. I'm just sick of having to deal with this every time he has an extra drink. Not trying to take away his freedums, but he's so annoying when he gets this way. Like babysitting a teen.
I'm 23 and with a guy who's 33. Age doesn't bother me at all, but one thing I find difficult is comparing our careers.
He's very accomplished in his field, and I've only just finished university and have been working for less than a year now. I know it's ridiculous to compare us, and I'd never bring it up, but I want him to feel proud of what I've done like I do with him.
Anybody else measure aspects of their life to their so?
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Finally. I've been asking here how he is in the sack for YEARS
You know he's had a thread here right? I was a big fan at first but it really ended for me when I paid 12 dollars to listen to him wine about women on KSTV
Accidentally posted in wrong thread and can't paste on phone so
My post is >>70535
I agree with >>70554
. You shouldn't have to send him nudes unless you really want to. Especially in the age where sending nudes can risk your reputation and can be spread to other people if your relationship ever goes south. I don't understand why these anons think you need to compromise yourself because your military bf has "needs."
The fuck cares? How many other guys who are deployed force their wives and girlfriends to do lewd shit? What guy can't just find a porn magazine, or get off from previous memories with you? Couldn't he just do a live cam chat with you?
You do you anon, but god damn these other anons give such shit advice.
i think you're onto something tbh its probably sam himself. he randomly met up with the rapper Bones and did a shirt collab with him recently. i know Bones is a fan of sam, but it was just really random and sudden like you'd expect them to never meet up and the only reason they did was so sam could gain exposure and get more of a following via Bones's fans. i know sam used to post pics of himself on fa too so he deffo lurks still
sage for ot
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. Compare the post you typed up about worrying about his well being and missing him to his COMPLAINTS of, "lol can't get my dick wet :( send me more nudes babe". You clearly weren't even close to thinking, "ugh i miss his dick im mad i cant fap to him anymore i should complain to him about it" when he left but obviously he has ulterior thoughts in mind than what you're worrying about. He sounds like an absolute wanker and I would drop his ass. Sending nudes to anyone is a horrible idea, but it's just 1 million times worse when you're the one sending them and not even enjoying it. Seriously, find a better guy, anon. Not saying this in a demeaning way, but you sound like you're wearing rose tinted glasses and can't see past him if you think you're in love with this jackass. He should be more empathetic and worried about you all the same as you are worried about him. Doesn't matter who's the one that's deployed, you guys are still in an ldr and not being in the army/marines doesn't exempt YOU from being in harm's way equally.
Do most people really get upset about sending their bf nudes like this?
I love exchanging naked pictures with my SO, it's great when we're apart and want to maintain a sexual aspect of our relationship. And it's nice to know your partner is getting off to you.
Not to mention OP never never said anything about not wanting to send the pictures? She only said that she was struggling with ideas.
>>70601>Do most people really get upset about sending their bf nudes like this?
My bf of three years has never asked me for them, probably because he sees me nude in the house all the time. Either way, nudes are a horrible idea.
I had an ex who flipped shit when I broke up with him, and threatened that if
I had sent him nudes, he would've posted them on 4chan and all over the internet as revenge.
I even have an ex from 2010 who I let photograph me in a lewd outfit, and every now and then the little creep likes to remind me how he still has them.
Men should not be trusted with shit like that. If they really respect you they wouldn't ask you to do something that is exploitable and could potentially leave you vulnerable. Not a good idea.
This post is correct.
The guy's an absolute shithead, pressuring his gf while she's worried about him and guilting her into sending her nudes because he needs it for his poor little dick. It's pathetic, and he'll eventually go apeshit some day and do something drastic with them. OP should get out of that shit now and save herself from that waste of time.
And people who are saying “but he’s her bf, he has neeeedddssss” are idiots.>bf asks for bjs>decline because not comfortable with idea>bf forces me to, holding head down on dick despite my protests>let’s him do this repeatedly because I think bf has needs and it’s my duty to fulfil them whether I want to or not>doesn’t think a boyfriend can sexually abuse a gf because of the labels >has fucked me up about sex to this day
I can agree to an extent that you do need to be understanding of your bf and gfs needs, however
if it is involving something you’re uncomfortable with, than your bf needs to understand that. When it comes to sexual needs that’s a huge conversation that needs to happen and there needs to be a lot of understanding and agreements on both ends. Forcing yourself to do something you’re uncomfortable with can fuck you up, especially when it’s something as vulnerable as sending nudes. Just because one anon is comfortable enough to send a nude doesn’t mean that the one asking for advice should be too.
I’m sorry to speg but I just hate the “he has needs” excuse. We all have needs, and we all have limitations.
This a good reason on its own. I was okay with sending my ex some slightly suggestive pics, but after that he started constantly pressuring me to get completely naked, send more pictures, and masturbate on cam for him. Later on I found out that he posted my butt online along with pics of other girls.
After that, I wouldn't trust any guy that asked me for nudes as far I can throw him. The normalization of revenge porn just confirms my doubts. You could also bet your ass that the women who get exposed are being blamed for sending them in the first place by the people exploiting her.
Guys are also just unbelievably whiny about this shit. I once knew a guy who threatened to kill himself because the girl refused to send nudes.
I like hanging out with him and he's funny.>>70510
Yeah, he has weird opinions on feminism. He thinks it's too "utopian", lol. What the hell is that infographic though?>>70513
Is this something to lose a friendship over? My friend say he was uncomfortable talking to me because of it.
it's a hassle trying to reply to all anons on mobile so apologies for not getting everyone. >>70554>>70567>>70584
lol no it's not like that anons!! we had sex so frequently that it's sorta hard on both of us, i guess you could say: i don't masturbate often, and he rarely did either. besides, it was an offhand comment he made during a sex related conversation and I took it upon myself to send more bc i genuinely don't mind, it's just i am not great at being sexy. i don't even own lingerie lmao.
he tries to keep the conversation as light as possible so I don't freak out. it was never in a, "send nudes i need to nut ," manner, more like "lol i ran out of fap material, wtf am i gonna do now." he never asks for nudes cuz i told him from the jump i don't send any. the only thing he's asked me to do was download my fave porn and email it to him but that didn't work out at all.>>70567
unfortunately he doesn't have a laptop cuz he never had the use for one lol, all he pays attention to electronic wise is his xbox. the camera on his phone is beyond shattered so I can barely see his face when we do video chat. i told him to buy one so we could Skype but I don't think he realized what else we could do on Skype besides talk.>>70601
it's just never been anything of interest to me. i don't get off/turned on by them at all tbh, but if he does the goal has been accomplished.
today i woke up to, "going beyond the wire today." it's been nothing but stress, my stomach hurts.
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>>70692>it's a "h-hes not that bad I swear" post
also>he watches porn
I mean, I do but I also have bad general anxiety and also relationship anxiety lmao. I find I’m a hypochondriac but I’m my relationship, a friend of mine recently dumped her bf because she was interested in someone else and I spent the whole week worrying about what if I get interested in someone else and need to break up??
thank god my boyfriend has the most patience out of anyone I know. As long as you can distinguish your thoughts as irrational/intrusive it can reallllly help put an end to them. I used to be far worse than I am now before a therapist helped me with distinguishing those types of thoughts
everyone assumed he was coercing or requesting nudes while being dismissive of my feelings but that's not the case. it's truly of my own volition.
the video i intended to send was amateur/homemade, idk what he watches now that I think about it.
I posted this in the other advice thread, but it might be more approprate to post it here.
So, my older sister left a long-term abusive relationship over a year ago in which she had two kids from. She's been living at home ever since (as do I), and I recommended checking out OkCupid as I met my current boyfriend of two years off there. She's been using the site since August or so, went on a few dates, and a little over a month ago seems to have met a guy she really likes. Problem is, when I met the guy I got some bad vibes from him. He was speaking to her child WAY too sternly, like he's their actual father. It's kind of hard to explain, but it put me off a lot. He was raising his voice in an annoyed tone essentially. Keep in mind, they'd only gone on their first date maybe 2-3 weeks prior. Speaking of their first date, he met my parents and grandmother on the FIRST date. She invited him, which is another level of weird, but I still can't imagine any normal person wanting to meet family that quickly. Anyway, just today I found out from my mother that he's "hinted at a ring" and that it's secret. She seems fine with it as my whole family seems charmed by him, but seriously, what the FUCK? They've only known of eachother's existence for MAYBE two months and he already wants to propose?
Anyway, I'm really worried about her kids. Judging by how fast he's trying to progress things it wouldn't be surprising if he turns out to also be abusive. Should I try talking to my other family members to find out what they think? I don't want to confront her directly because she'd probably start a fight in result. I'm just really worried and stressed.
I have no idea why they assumed so much, a lot of it sounds like projection, like>She clearly stated she was having trouble recording which means she's uncomfortable with it.
Which is just retarded, you only said it wouldn't be an interesting watch. Lol. Nothing you said made me think he coerced you or you were uncomfortable, I'm sorry anons jumped on you and your bf.
Hope he's well and that things between you two stay good!
apparently everyone here is very against sending nudes, which I can understand to a degree, but I never got the feeling that you felt coerced. It can be pretty fun to exchange these images when you miss your partner and want to feel that sexual connection!
As far as ideas, honestly try going to porn sites and looking for cellphone/selfie/amateur pics. Should give you some posing ideas. Make sure to keep identifying features out of the pic and don't show your full face.
Yeah, it can be totally awkward at first but once you guys get into the swing of things it can be great. I actually started getting really into taking pics for my boyfriend when we were long distance, it can end up being pretty arousing
Your sister wants to get married I guess, she's not interested in men who aren't serious about commitment from the get-go, who often appear a bit more strange.
Be a good Aunt though anon.>>70552
Nudes within a proper relationship aren't bad. It's not the same as girls who spam them to randoms on discord or whatever.
If he's caught with it open but refusing to talk about it and blaming you for making it awkward when you bring it up in a non-judgmental way then he sounds really immature. If he's just going to carry on denying and hiding it because he doesn't want to have the fetish or can't bring himself to talk to you, then he needs to actually stop or at least hide it properly. Leaving weird porn open and denying it is such a cliche creepy uncle move and would make anyone uncomfortable.
Ot but your post has my kind of initials typo'd in it, so on first reading I thought I was going crazy
Yeah I’m sorry about that every so often if I have a typo my phone changes it to those two initials even though I didn’t k ow anyone with those intitals.
But yeah I agree it’s creepy mush but also bothers me because I want to be supportive and talk to him about it because he obviously has shame about it, and feels it’s wrong but won’t talk to me about it even when I offer to engage in fetish play with him to be fair and open he just gets upset and won’t talk and we end up fighting. Thanks for the advice because I’ll probably mention what was said here to him. Thank you.
You probably will have already thought this, but I just wanted to suggest that if you bring any of this stuff up, it's next best not mention that you posted here since he's been so defensive. Maybe even bring up an example of something that you're ashamed of (even if nonsexual) but have talked through or are open to talking through so that he doesn't feel like the only deviant
You sound really supportive anon, I hope he can open up because it would be his loss to shut you out
Oh yeah I didn’t plan on telling him I asked the internet for help. I meant that as like I’d bring up some of the ideas and points said here. I guess this biggest think here for me is that the fetish does make me uncomfortable because I have been sexually assulted in the past and one of the assaults was by a male gynecologist. I’ve talked to him about this and I’m sure that’s added to his shame. I’ve tried reassuring him and he’s told me in the past he wanted to “get over it” but I don’t think that’s possible with fetishes I guess unless you really try or something..??
It’s difficukt because we’re weee each other’s first and I love him to death, but it’s seems like porn and stories from his friends about their sex lives have completed screwed with the sexual part of our relationship expectation wise.
Shows how tired of me 'whinging alot over thing which you can ignore',but in my situation ( and with destroyed nervous system ) I can't do that at all. And he knows about it. We never really talk anymore and he doesn't care about it,and the only thing which he usually cries about is the fact that I'm not lewd at all lately, which means I'm boring to talk to.
I don'feel comfortable around him at all and keep thinking that it's all my fault and how bad I am,but I also think that I should just leave him, tho I keep thinking that 'he is actually a good person, look, he says how cute I am' which is not happening everyday, obvi.
Ditch the guy that asking you to be too close too soon. You feel it not the right time for you, which is most important. This anon confirms it is also objectively too soon. Bad vibes. State what you feel - no. Reject him. Clearly and finally.
Then see what you're going to do with your bf.
>>71110>Also, how do you differentiate codependency from love?>I can't imagine life without him.>My boyfriend and I have been together for most of college (3 and a half years).
See, everyone, literally everyone, goes through a sort of an identity crisis when they get out of their first serious relationship. By having this experience, you learn the boundaries and overlaps of self and unity. This is a confusing but necessary experience, which you will learn from.
Internet armchair psychologists with a degree from Pulledoutaamyass University have potential labels and diagnosis ready for everything they don't know shit about and they spew them everywhere. Don't even entertain the thought of you having "codependency" or some such shit without a professional.
Forget that bollocks. You're a young woman learning about the world. The more you act, the less you'll doubt. Trial and error.
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Sorry in advance for the TL;DR. This is really dumb and I know I'm being over the top but I need to vent somewhere. I really hope this is the right thread.
Some time ago, I went and did the thing that no girl should ever do. I snooped, and found things that have me all kinds of fucked up. (Yes, it was porn, and yes I am being a dramatic bitch.) At first, it was a semi-accident. To keep a long story short, he gave me access (phone, laptop) to some of his things before completely clearing them (I'm not sure why, maybe he forgot what was on them or just didn't care?) And basically I found porn and nude photography, which wouldn't have bothered me that much typically, but a lot of it was focused on this one camgirl who is amazingly stunning and has the figure of a goddess and looks absolutely nothing like me. He has several folders FULL of photos and videos of her. He has more photos/videos of her on his stuff than he does of me. As I looked through them, I felt so crushed and hurt. I know it's dumb, but I guess it's the fact that her body is so unobtainable to me. Literally a perfect hourglass Goddess and I'm over here being a frumpy stick figure. Ever since this happened, I've been dealing with feelings of inadequacy and self hatred. I did eventually confess to him because I couldn't take it anymore. It didn't really help much. He said the things any decent boyfriend would say to try to make me feel better. I told him I didn't want to police the things he looks at or thinks and I would do my best to put it in the back of my head. That hasn't gone that well because I've been obsessed with the ideal of plastic surgery now, which I can't afford, which makes me more depressed. Our sex life has taken a blow because I'm constantly comparing myself to her and getting turned off because I feel ugly. I've also developed this masochistic tendency to stare at pictures of her and similar looking girls while I talk down on myself.
A part of me secretly hoped that after seeing how hurt I was that he would stop saving things of her. But recently I went on a file storage site he uses (it was already logged in, we share a computer) looking for something unrelated, and the first thing I see is a folder with her name and it had been updated very recently. And now I'm sitting here staring at pictures of her and feeling like trash again. I don't even blame him, either. She's gorgeous.
Why do I do this to myself? How can I deal with these feelings? Are my feelings justified at all or am I being a moron? I really feel like I'm going batshit.
Pic related, it's her.(NSFW)
Well first of all that is just a slim woman with large breast implants. They seem a little too round to be natural, and not proportional to her body weight.
His obsession with one particular girl is a Bit Weird in a situation where you'd hope he'd be thinking about you.
But. You are a person, not a sex object. Your relationship is (hopefully) far more than that. The social aspect is of much greater importance. Obviously you cannot police his p*rn, just as you said. But honestly being obsessed with just one girl is…a little creepy? When there's so much porn on the internet?
No advice for you but I empathise, Anon.
If pic related is the girl then I don't know what you are worried about. Her body type is horrifying like a skeleton with implants.
If you have a problem with it and your bf won't consider your feelings and change then it's probably time to dump him. Obsessing over a specific camgirl is practically on the edge of cheating.
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Sorry, it might have been a bad pic. She's not skelly. Just thin and curvy at the same time. Makes me want to die lol>>71177
I've thought about it. It would be entirely an act though because I'm one of those people that's basically only attracted to who they're in love with. Other guys bore me. I guess that makes this whole thing that much worse. I can't expect the same of him but it still hurts.
Tbh i dont think youre being dumb. If youre the type to only feel attracted to your s/o, then you should have a partner who feels the same way or has enough respect to not let his porn be out in plain view lol. It was wrong to snoop through his stuff and you shouldnt do that if you trust the guy, so you mustve had existing doubts about him? Ive personally never snooped through my bfs stuff because he doesnt make me feel insecure for any reason, you deserve the same thing.
Imo finding out a partner has a huge jack off folder for me would be unsettling, finding out its all of ONE GIRL would be a deal breaker. Like other anons said it sounds like a creepy obsession he isnt willing to let go of and is making you feel worse about yourself. Why bother? You can find someone without a growing porn addiction, im sure.
I think there's another way to look at this situation. That's not to say my interpretation is definitely correct, but I want to give anon an alternative opinion: he was comfortable enough with you to let you find this chick. He wasn't going to great lengths to hide his crush on her, and the fact that he was open and honest about it when you confronted him attests to that. That implies that he didn't think it was worth hiding her from you, because he didn't think you'd be jealous since it's just a superficial crush. Considering you found her in his history more than once means he didn't just forget to clear his browser. He didn't mind if you saw his history because he's not trying to hide anything from you. That's a good thing!
Regarding your feelings about your body: I totally relate. I'm a stringbean and I get really self-conscious about not having any curves. But in my experience, I've never met a guy who had a problem with that. The fact is that you're a million times hotter than that chick because you're real. I guarantee that he gets way more turned on seeing you in the flesh than he does just seeing some naked chick on a computer screen. Guarantee it.
Yeah, it's shitty that he's continued to save her pics after you've told him it makes you feel inferior, but as long as he doesn't hide it from you I wouldn't worry about it too much. I know that's easier said than done, but think of it like this: looking at a camgirl is like looking at art in a museum, yeah it looks nice but you can't touch it, all you can do is admire it from afar. But you are his own art: he gets to touch you and admire you and experience your beauty in the flesh. Nothing can top that.
I hope this doesn't sound apologistic, that is not my intention. I just think this guy might be ok, anon! Best of luck <3
and I use the term "crush" very loosely to mean just that you think someone's attractive, like a crush on a famous actor or musician.
It's a camgirl which means he very likely watches videos which he's paid for access to, and the folder was named after her and frequently updated. Which definitely fills my criteria for what I would call stalking. >>71183
Your interpretation is thoughtful and there's definitely an element of "it's good he's being honest" which I agree with. But if he was so happy with Anon's real-life self (which is likely, since they're dating) he obviously is not expressing it in a manner which is making her feel desirable. The stalking a camgirl thing hurts because she's not
feeling cherished. Note the bit where she indulges in sort of reverse pro-Ana behavior of insulting herself while looking at pics of this/similar girls.
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Ive been talking to this girl for 2 months now and she clearly likes me a lot more than i like her
Shes always sending me like romantic messages and she wants to talk literally ALL OF THE TIME if i dobt reply for 10 minutes she messages me hi and while im at work she sends me a bunch of i muss you wish you were here messages
Its made me not like her anymore and wish we hadnt met because theres no way for me to break it off without her like crying
Ps am a girl
You're both teenagers or tweens based on the punctuation. This age group are internet addicts and message all day long as standard. Maybe she just wants a friend idk.
Just say something like you're doing a phone detox to lessen your stress so you're only really online (7-8pm) or whatever time you don't mind chatting. She'll get weaned off or find someone else to talk to.
Seems to me that he wants to keep you as a backup plan if he doesn't even want to be in the same town.
I could understand not wanting to move in with someone you love because you want your independence from them for the moment, but this seems weird if he really loves you.
And wanting you to move back to a town you're not from is selfish.
So he doesn't want to live near you to the point that he doesn't even allow you to live in your home town. Sounds like he is trying to put you on the backburner if he doesn't find anyone else.
dump him, baby, you're having tunnel vision right now. trust us
the thing that bothers me the most is that he wants you to sacrifice everything and is not willing to do the same to you. it's either you follow him or you don't. that don't seem right does it now
Same tl;dr anon here again, LMAO (っ- ‸ – ς)
He broke up with me two weeks ago. Or tried to, I just snapped (OOC for me) and coldly told him he doesn't know what he wants (he started outright sobbing and couldn't get words out, tried to say something about "the spark being gone"), and I said that I wasn't going to chase him ("If you want it, come and get it"). Told him I say these things because I love him, then hung up the phone. But I'm considering it a breakup, for simplicity's sake.
I had told him three days before, in a conversation prompted by him, that it did NOT mean that I wasn't willing or did not want to have sex with him. Just that I had anxieties that I needed to work on, and was willing to do so. It's not like I can't enjoy a fun activity with someone I love, after all. He seemed content with the answer and also mentioned he had some sexual problems of his own that he needed to address (among other things, he chronically feels like he doesn't get noticed by ladies, which he mentioned in the beginning of our time together and should have been a red flag - even though he claims he has "alpha" tendencies), and things felt like they were going back into place, but at the end of the night asked for some time to consider his "emotions" and promised that he would call me the next day. As is apparent from the first sentence of this paragraph, he didn't call me until three days later. I didn't pester him in between that time.
Didn't pester him after the break up either, just stopped visiting his social media accounts and deleted him from all contact apps (after I accidentally sent a thumbs up on messenger the next day because I was searching for a meme I had sent him a few days ago and now wanted to send to my friends. Promptly sent a "srry, wrong msg box" and deleted the convo from the beginning of time. How EMBARRASSING, lmao) But it was my birthday a few days ago and something in me broke down and I visited one of his social media accounts. I saw that he and one of his female internet mutuals were quickly buddying up, he was watching new things that she was suggesting (I had been telling him to expand from beyond his comfort bubble for a while now, and always had my eyes and ears open for interesting things to share with him) and posting excitedly about them, and from his posts it was obvious that from behind the scenes he had suggested and they had quickly started voice/vid? calling one another. And when she had multiple tech problems or questions about something, he helped her with tips and tricks or opinions that I had taught him or told him about when he had similar questions. It was like he was trying to relive the excitement of the beginning of his relationship with me, but with him being more like me?
This is the same girl who I once joked had a crush on him because she always jumped to reply to his text posts for the last two months and try to be a shoulder to lean on for him as she refreshed his page constantly, but he never answered her or was very polite but distant in his interaction when a question was asked (we used to spend so much time together on vid call that I would see his private conversations). He told me that it was stupid because why would he jump from one LDR to another LDR with a girl that lived much, much further away (should have noticed the wording then, eh?). He did say then that she reminded him a lot of me, though.
LOL, I am such a hot mess, but then I wept the most strongly I had since the beginning of the break-up and stayed up all night composing a long letter which went through: me telling him how much I'm crying, especially when I see tender (not necessarily romantic) moments between people, telling him that I know that my behavior wasn't exactly happy in the last few months and that I was beginning to get overbearing with my "help", how hard it was for me to make the decision that we would be together for life after he asked, thinking that he also understood that love/commitment was a choice and not a feeling (I told him his good aspects and his bad aspects, and how I weighed them), how I felt cheated that after all the times I helped him emotionally/intellectually/with schoolwork/and financially (once! lol) he ran away when I was beginning to have my own emotional problem, all the moments that we missed by not meeting up IRL, but also that I was really happy that he was happy and looked like he was doing really well (which is what I wanted for him, ultimately ;)), but that I needed to move on and begged him to tell me something that will kill all hope of reconciliation (when a teenager, I was so badly in love with a guy that I pined after him without approaching him for three years, and I guess in my lowest moment now, I was deathly afraid I would do this again - that guy outright rejected me in the most direct but kind terms, and I still deeply respect his wisdom for that rejection until this day - made me value the importance of being direct). Sent it to my now-ex-BF, seen right away - noticed that he still has me under the nickname of "My Girlfriend <3" - but no reply yet. Biggest no-no in the book, hahaha, but I needed to clear my head and I think deep down I wanted to scare him away to never come back. I don't really care about a reply – I'm moving on regardless, because it actually is my own choice to make.
I was going in between feeling fantastic and having waterfalls come from my eyes. I was between thinking "Now I finally have the time for my own projects that I was constantly lacking and hating!" to feeling like I lost something special by my own design or that I was replaced by a "better" version that will be the one who ends up marrying him, as if our earlier promises of commitment meant nothing. I'm not like this – I just want to be level-headed, go-getter myself again. I want to stop wavering. But I can see that every day is getting better, especially if I write things out and don't bottle them.
The girl he is rebounding with – I hope she doesn't get hurt. From her internet presence, she really is a very nice girl, but sometimes a crush makes you do stupid things, especially when you are still a bit naive and think the world is full of good people.
If he ever wants me back in the future, he's going to have to be successful all by himself, and not by sucking all ambition from me, LOL. I understand that his environment and the people around him suck, but he. can. do. it. himself. I never liked playing mother, but I wanted to help him; if he can't appreciate that sometimes love has to be tough, good riddance. However, I never want to go back to that dynamic again.
I am thankful that I am around my parents, even though they don't know what happened, because they show their love for me everyday. And I am thankful for all anons who have read my venting and who have given advice. It really helps. Thank you all. <3>>70203
A bit late, but I tried out Asexualitic last night for shits and giggles. Not really looking for a rebound myself, just wanted to get some asexual perspective on what other options look like. It's the "best" asexual dating website, and it fucking sucks. You gotta pay $15 dollars to activate messages, so I could only browse profiles, and I only found one guy who I personally found attractive looks, age, career, and personality-wise and is close enough to ~theoretically~ work – but also as a LDR. God, he was really handsome, heheheh.
Most of the people there are above-average looking, though, don't get me wrong. But I tend to find that asexual spaces and/or dating websites tend to attract men with something slightly a bit too… feminine? for my tastes.
>>71423>I think he's too young for me.
i can follow this>LDR
LDRs are a joke and both of you sound too young to be in one even if they were legit. you should 'dump' him and find someone irl if you want comfort and stuff. people in LDRs will never be more than friends because a relationship demands intimacy. not just physical, but emotional, and you can't create an emotional relationship without being in person.
Not the same anon, but I'd like to hear more about why you think emotional intimacy cannot be created with a LDR?
I think I agree with you, but I don't know why. I'm starting to understand myself that you don't know what a person is truly like unless you interact with them irl.
We've spent about half a year living together when we can visit each other so we're not 100% LDR.
He told me to take the day to figure out what the fuck i want and tbh all I want to do is cry and scream at him and make him understand me but he's just done and wants to sleep.
"You're starting a new life. You need to figure out if im in it or not. Because I am over this pointless bullshit we call a relationship. We change or we move on."
So gg me.
I'm going to have to vehemently disagree with your saying a relationship type works for no one. Not everyone can get emotional intimacy through a screen. Some people can. There are plenty of success stories, and failures.
I'm among both. I met my partner in person and we got along amazingly and had a similar rapport to the one we had on video calls. He's not my "friend."
blah blah I digress, anyway>>71423
It's fine to want to play games, but you sound like you feel neglected. Tell him outright, you feel emotionally neglected. If he starts a fight over that, he's kind of a dick. If he refuses to consider your feelings, he is a child and/or jerk and you should dump him. Talking 1 on 1 face to face is a pretty basic relationship need.
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>>71423>LDR>Doesn't want to talk 1 on 1 with you>"He often just jumps to "fuck off cunt" whenever we have a disagreement">"when I said it was hurtful and disrespectful he basically said that if i'm going to be in a bad mood just don't talk to him"
Why are you even with him…?
I have left him alone.
Please explain. I want to change for the better
You honestly need to see your doctor and be referred to a therapist. a lot of abusive people say they'll do anything to change, but change is hard, and they go back to their old ways.
I've been there anon. your best bet is to just improve on yourself (because YOU want to improve, not just so other people will like you better) and move on
Thirded. She sounds like an abusive trainwreck who strings and puppeteers men, then turns around and goes "uwu".
Leave that poor man alone, jfc.
I don't really see this Anon as abusive. Read the linked posts in>>71346
She is in a LDR where the guy seemed to overlook the whole "very very asexual" thing, and now it has finally sunk in, they've broken up. Seems like a communication issue. Being asexual and looking for a relationship doesn't make someone an abuser.
The last post may seem a little harsher, but bear in mind she was thinking it was a long haul and then he changed his mind after finally googling "asexual" idk
As I mentioned before, I am leaving him alone for good. I don't want to manipulate him back, which is the farthest from my intentions, and I certainly don't want to be in a relationship for a very, very long time.
However, if it is the main contention, I don't believe I strung him along at all. I consistently told him about my lack of sexual desire throughout the relationship, and voiced my fears when I thought appropriate. It's just that none of it seemed to be understood until I was so stressed over it that I started crying.
I'm also not saying that I want to improve the problems in my behavior for brownie points. After all, how would anyone on this chat board know what's changed? I ask for what sticks out because those who read the posts have an external point of view of the whole situation, without being emotionally invested.
I would like to elaborate:
I mentioned my asexuality the first day my ex started talking to me. He said he thought it was a tumblr fad, and I tried to explain it more fully, letting him know that I also was very uncomfortable with doing any sexual things. He said that it was fine and he didn't care, but I still wanted to remain just friends. He kept pursuing me romantically and eventually admitted that he loved me. I had already caved from all the attention at the time, told him that I loved him too, as I did, but that there was my "sex problem" and I didn't think I could satisfy his needs. He told me that he only really gets aroused once every six months, so it wouldn't be a problem. (This was rather stupid of me, as he posts porn on his tumblr daily.) I thought I could work with that and decided to give the LDR a try, working on making myself less averse to trying sex in general.
A few months in he mentioned marriage. I said I wasn't sure about getting married at all. The next day he told me that both his sister and his best friend said that he should tell me to "Fuck off" and cut all contact with me if I wasn't interested in marriage. I once again brought up that I thought I couldn't satisfy him sexually, but he told me that as long as I made a good sandwich (this was our type of humor), it didn't matter that I was "frigid". I told him that if he was so intent on pursuing me, and since it appeared that he wanted sex more often than he initially claimed (he had told me recently that his libido had "returned to teenage levels"), why not have an open relationsip? I didn't mind him sleeping with other girls at all. He didn't like the idea and said that he wanted to be in a comitted, monogamous relationship. I told him that I needed some time to consider marriage.
I deliberated on it for about a week. I thought about how we could make it work in the long run (since we obv were LDR and students, too). I decided that maybe marriage could be an option and once again I brought up that I was not a sexual person (I had by that time been trying to get more comfortable with sex and my body, getting close to my first post >>66963
), but he told me that he would not leave me over something so stupid and hedonistic. Thinking I had found something special, I told him that I could see us getting married. He was so happy, he automatically started asking me about the type of engagement ring I wanted. We both promised each other that we'd stick together until our very deaths.
Look, I realize now that this was a thing that was said in the heat of the moment for him, as he was completely smitten. I don't look badly on him for not putting a lot into one promise, but I put a lot of weight on it when I said it. I wouldn't have sent him a quarter of my paycheck, helped him keep track of appointments or with editing his essays for uni, and look for business ventures that we could do together and help supplement his family's income if I didn't 100% believe we had a long future together. Also, these were things he asked me to do for him, and I did not bring them up initially or by force. It might have been annoying to remind him (at his behest) five times in the same day that he should call his internet and TV service provider so that he wouldn't have pay late fees, each time with the response, "A bit later" and have him continue to post on his social media until it was too late, but I thought we were on the same page and that we'd support each other through thick or thin and grow better together.
This is about the time I posted my first two posts on here.
Also, as I realize that this may be misconstrued: "lack of sexual desire" does not mean that by the end I was unwilling to perform sexual acts. What I described before as "want to have sex" stemmed from a want to make him happy by doing something that he wanted to do and which we could both enjoy albeit for different reasons, and not from a want to get off itself. What I describe as a "lack" is simply an indifference - if not initiated by another person, I have no drive to seek out sex on my own. My fear was that there would seem to be something missing on a fundamental level - passion? I had the notion that he wanted a sex cougar moaning in bed rather than a girl smiling up at him with all admiration in her eyes, which he said nothing to when I asked.
This is how I tried explaining it to him before as well, but perhaps it was confusing?
Yeah, that's what I thought. The rumours about human trafficking and the sharia court you'll go to if they catch you sounds scary too.
Not worth it. Thanks anon.
Anon, you're already fucking careless about your life since you're a prostitute (btw receiving bags and other items instead of cash still means prostitution. Just call it what it is, you're a prostitute), but are you serious you even considered going to the middle east to be one? Fucking lol. It's obvious they're tricking you, that's incredibly shady and there are multiple stories about similar situations happening to women worldwide, which are always shocking and often end in death. If you're lucky maybe you won't end up dead due to selling your easy cunt in Asia or Europe or whatever, but your chances of dying in Dubai would definitely be higher due to what others have already explained.
You're not only filthy but also really stupid.
Sage because I'm triggered
asf by this. Even with lots of information out there some women still willingly do this to themselves for easy cash, this is really putrid. I know I'm harsh but hearing the truth is definitely better than being trafficked and dying in a foreign country because of your greed.
how about stfu? >>71624
I recommend you watching My Cat From Hell on Animal Planet. Your cat sounds like it's very energetic and bored, and doesn't have enough stimulation. Toys are not enough, not every cat plays by itself. Watch some episodes for ideas how you can improve your house, and play with your cat (or have your bf play with her) in the evening until she's tired and done.
I can see from where are you coming from, but throwing out a cat because it's meowing and running around really does sound awful. Even with anxieties and other disorders, you gotta remain… human.
Try placing a vacuum cleaner in her problem area. For me, my cat would eat a patch of carpet no matter what repellents I sprayed it with. I set the vacuum right there and extended the cord to my work desk. Everytime he went to bite the carpet I just plug in and it scares him off.
I also did the cucumber thing in other areas. It's mean but it works. Sometimes the cat can't be reasoned with any other way
This happens to men too though.
Go look at that Vice documentary about Dubai slaves where they trick Indian men into being workers there.
There's ways to correct cat behavior and it's not a way you can handle the way you would a dog. As for the scratching post have you tried the cardboard ones? They make a mess but every cat i've introduced to one immediately took to it and left everything else alone. They last a long time too because they're usually multi-sided.
As for her meowing, she might just miss you guys and it's unfortunately just the reality with some cats. My cat, who sadly passed away in October, was very vocal and most of the time I didn't mind it but sometimes he caused me a lot of stress with it too. Giving him attention or playing with him would usually be enough to shut him up long enough for me to fall asleep. Wet food helped in desperate times haha.
I think you however are being unfair and selfish to your boyfriend by not having him try extra steps to keep her well behaved. With animals, it's the owner's fault first not the animal's in my opinion.
Tell HIM to research more on what he can do and try to be patient. It isn't fair he can't have his animals, which can be a huge source of comfort, because of your anxiety. My husband's dog drives me up a wall but it's not her fault she isn't trained well it's his, so I'm on HIS ass about training her better.
Don't. This is likely some kind of human trafficking based 'scam' and you probably won't come home if you go.
As for people calling you a prostitute, that's rude. We don't call girls with sugar daddies prostitutes, so why is this any different? A lot of women just HAVE those kinds of relationships in general. OP you do you, but please be safe. Human trafficking is pretty rampant in some parts of Asia and you could find yourself in a really bad situation really easily. Maybe stick with a few regulars where you already are. You can always sell what they buy you, especially if they buy you designer (if it's not designer, girl why you bothering?)
But girl PLEASE do NOT go to Dubai. Don't trust these guys, especially if it's someone you met recently. It has bad news written all over it.
This feels like a defense mechanism where you become extra loving and affectionate when a partner is being aggressive (I do this too). However it will obviously be rough sex if you come onto him when he's angry, which might alter his behaviour when he's not angry and create an association e.g rough sex everytime.
If you're happy with things at the moment I would suggest keeping things the same.
Thank you for that food for thought. Actually makes a lot of sense and I didn't consider that.
However, I'm not generally happy with how things are. I DO want rougher sex with him sometimes and I want to be having more sex than we already are.
I don't really get the "you can't get emotional intimacy through a screen" thing. Especially with how easy and convenient it is to communicate from distances now, be it text, call video. Online you can get as much or as little emotional intimacy as you choose to allow. The "lack of physical touch" argument makes far more sense to me than that.
To me it feels like people are in denial about how much technology has seeped into every part of our lives and want to draw a clear line between reality and the internet when that doesn't exist. All your internet interactions are a part of your "real life" too.
internet reactions aren't the same as real life at all. most of the reason for this is that tone is missing in emails, text, IMs and even sometimes can be missed in phone calls. the reason many online relationships don't work is because you paint the tone for your partners replies. tone that doesn't exist and is replaced with emojis is often mis-interpreted or exaggerated, so real life interactions often leave one disillusioned. this can also cause a lot of fighting when you impart your own emotions into the conversation. for instance, if you're feeling unhappy and your partner is just tired, you may assume they are angry when they are not. this happens in real life too of course, but it's easier to fix miscommunications when you can see the person soon after. obviously video call can fix this, but phone calls often have similar issues, in that you can't see someone's body language and establish an understanding of physical habits.
another thing is that establishing trust is much more easily done in person, just due to psychology. seeing the person and sensing their physical presence helps to establish trust a lot.
i do understand what you're saying, there are a lot of purists who think online relationships will never work, but there are unfortunately a lot of reasons why they are harder and don't work out.
100% this. Unless everyone involved is neutral and don't impart emotions, feelings or interpretations at any point, there's a good chance something will go wrong.
I think assuming the other person feels nothing at all times is the only way for a stable communication online, but then you have to question why are you talking to them at all.
The imagined feelings keep the relationship rolling along, but essentially without the person being physically there, you're imagining everything and dating your phone/computer. If you can take a "dating my phone/computer" situation and turn it into a successful relationship with physical humans, you're a magician. It does happen, but rarely.
Just say it anon,
With my boyfriend he had dropped me off from going to the movies and I just said “hey, I love you”
No special plan or show or anything, it just felt right so I said it. And it was perfect, because he felt it too.
>It's really not that dramatic>Is super dramatic in your response
For less overtly emotional people who don't chimp out at the drop of a hat, yes text, video and phone calls can all miss important body language, feelings and expressions. Having a physical person with you is the only way to have a completely interpretation-free interaction.
There are entire industries - film, tv and music built on the obscure interpretations we make from recorded media. All recorded media is false and misleading to a degree, e.g your favourite musician is not like that 100% of the time. They are only like that for the hour or so they grace the stage when they go on tour. Money is made
from our false interpretations of recorded or limited media. These things are very influential. To argue that it is impossible to misinterpret recorded media would also argue that the tv, film and music industries are non-existent and there is no fantasy or suspension of disbelief involved in engaging with either.
>>71994>he's sworn at me and gotten abusive in the past and again it always seems to be my fault
Anon…. I think you answered your own question.
You are so in the right of feeling hurt and to expect an apology from him. You did nothing wrong; he did everything wrong. He's an asshole and he deserves to have a broom stuck in his ass for lying to you and not being there for you in a time of need.
Take care. Merry Christmas
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My boyfriend bought this disgusting "video game", Dead or Alive Xtreme 3https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KjaOr74oL4s
It actually creeps me out, we live together, and he'd rather masturbate alone to this video game than have sex with me. He also told me I'm getting fat.
I'm actually thinking of breaking up with over this.
He sounds like a loser who's taking his gf for granted. He'd rather get his rocks off to a game until he gets bored with it because real sex is too much work. I'm not joking. Dump his ass and let him fap to some animu pixels and get a real man who actually satisfies you and WANTS to satisfy you.
What's the point of dating if you aren't even getting sex on the reg if you want it? Seriously, how much physical and emotional labour do you provide to him as a gf? What does he give you as a bf? Think about it.
My bf goes down on me when he's too tired for sex. I don't even have to ask - he just does it. Get yourself a man like that.
Oh my god that's so fucking stupid lmao.
Sorry anon but your man sounds like a dumbshit. Only a fucking moron would be calling his woman fat and not having sex in real life in favor of virtual animu gurlz. Even if you were fat you're still better on virtue of not being a fictitious character.
Dump his ungrateful ass. Get you someone who will give you the time of day and appreciate you.
Maybe he’s ace? Have you sat down and talked about this with him or is it like the elephant in the room? I mean he’s obviously refused but have you talked about it outside of that?
And no, you’re not a bad person. Neither is he. It sounds like you guys need to have a proper talk and get on the same page though.
Well I spoke about it today and all I got is "I dunno, I just get a bad feeling about it"
I just wish I understood why, I think then I wouldn't feel so down about it. We do oral and dry stuff but if we get close to going all the way it's like he's a complete different person.
There is three possible reasons.
1) He's gay
2) He is using drugs that disable sex-drive, such as SSRIs (anti-depressants)
3) He has clinically low levels of testosterone, probably bad enough to get prescribed TRT
That's it, there's no other possible explanations.
I can't see it being 1 or 3, because he doesn't get turned off by the idea. He just states he doesn't feel good about it and he starts to get uncomfortable.
I doubt more it's 1 considering he's really into everything we do, oral, showering together, he's even gone as far as just generally rubbing it against my clit before, but the idea of actual sex is a no go.
And 2 is just a no because I know he isn't.
Well either way, here's a fact: you aren't getting laid and you desire to be getting laid. Accept he doesn't want to fuck you or accept you're incompatible. >>72396
Anon, I know you won't take advice but just leave him.
Incoming blog post:
I've forgiven three men who cheated on me. All of them went on to cheat again. The last one made me realise to never ever forgive a cheater because I forgave him three times and he cheated four times. The fourth time I finally left. And I really did love him. Cheaters WILL cheat again. You just might not find out. Think about your physical health.
You might be single and lonely for a while. But it's better than wondering what he's doing when you're not around him. If you stay you will only further deplete your self-esteem. The anxiety that he will cheat will never go away - you already know he's capable of it.
Monogmany is a fucking OBLIGATION in a relationship unless otherwise discussed. This man has no respect for you. Leave and heal and you will find love again. I promise. Don't make the mistakes I made and waste your time like I did. Just rip off the bandaid and leave. Please.
Dump him, he does not respect you and did the ONE MAJOR unforgivable action in a relationship. If sticking with not doing that one thing is not his thing, let that boy go.
Your self esteem is probablt shit because you are dating a subhuman monkey who treats you without dignity or respect.
Super extreme performance anxiety? He's built it up so much in his head he doesn't want to fail. Don't do the thing=don't fail.
It's worth explaining you just want sex, of any variety, for any time duration and skill level. You have no expectations. (I'm assuming that is the case as that is for me. A willingness to learn and try is much more attractive than a robotic porn star supreme.)
Also explain to him that even if he is nervous, it doesn't matter. You can practice and learn how to perform well together. It's like expecting the first try of a dance routine to be perfect. It will be a muddle. Guaranteed. You can't never do something
due to fear of failure. Source: I put off a lot of stuff due to fear of failure, not sexually but in my career.
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6 months is a pretty reasonable amount of time to figure out your feelings for someone, so by now he should've already made up his mind about whether he loves you or not (if you say he's done a lot for your relationship and invested effort in it, I believe he does).
I'd say go for it, but don't just randomly say it, wait for a moment that fits the mood, like the end of a great date or while cuddling late at night. If he looks a bit confused, just give him some time and try not to freak out, men take a bit longer to process their feelings. But hearing you say you love him will most likely melt his heart. Good luck, and don't worry >>72551
Give it a try. Now that you're more emotionally mature and have taken a break from being with him, you're more likely to objectively perceive his flaws and see thru his BS. And you'll soon ask yourself "What did I use to see in this guy?.. ".
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I've got one, sadly;
My boyfriend and me have been together a year. We are sort of long distance but he comes down here most weekends, we are apart at most a month but barely ever.
I feel like he used to chase me more and make more effort. I've just lost a relative and am grieving and he's already said he's going to try and be more supportive, but I also want him to make more effort in general again because I end up feeling invisible and got used to him paying more attention to me
I don't want to play it cold or ignore him to make him chase me because I think that might actually do more bad than good, but I don't know what to say to get him to listen. Simply saying "please make more effort again" doesn't seem to work, and I don't want to break up so please don't suggest that!
I just wondered how to encourage him to put in more effort again. He does in person but when we are apart he doesn't text or approach me as much and gets grouchy. Please help
huh, i really don't know, you know him best. you explained it very well to us, so i would tell him in the same way. be serious when telling him he's hurting you and demand more effort
i said to leave the chase thing out because it was the only word that seemed childlish to me. in a way that makes you seem like you have unrealistic expectations from tv shows or something. i'd avoid trying to seem like a victim, damsel or anything like that if you get what i'm saying. i'm no authority on anything, it's just how i read in to it
I'm inclined to say listen to your gut, anon. Your gut is almost never wrong, especially if it's telling you you're making a mistake, despite having feelings for the person.
That being said, how long were you guys together before you broke up? And how long have you been broken up for?
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Sometimes I feel like my boyfriend doesn't appreciate me.
To make a long story less complicated: I scored free tickets to Japan through my job but the catch is I can't quit/fired or my tix get revoked. I hate my job, but I'm hanging in there because it's been my dream to go to Japan, and we can't afford to be unemployed.
Bf didn't act excited when I told him I got the tickets. We plan to go in September, and he has yet to apply for his passport.
He never brings it up, and doesn't seem interested in planning anything with me.
Recently my company gave me $1k because of the tax reform (t-thanks Trump…). When I read the email I was at home and was really excited because bf is currently unemployed and I was afraid we'd have no money saved for our trip. It was a perfect nest egg.
Bf was playing video games and just silently kept playing as I told him. No, "That's awesome!" or anything. He didn't even care that we just got FREE MONEY.
I get the impression that he's jealous sometimes. Or that he doesn't congratulate me because he's become entitled so providing awesome things to do is just one of the expectations he has of me now. Idk, the whole thing has made me feel super shit.
If he doesn't bother to get his passport on time by July I'm asking one of my best friends to go with me. She's been to Japan before and she knows the ropes, plus I love her. If I went with my bf I get the feeling I'd be the one solely stressing about directions, information, activities, lodging, etc. It's no fun to plan everything by myself.
This might be the straw to break our relationship if he doesn't shape up and I'm very sad about it. We've been living together for almost four years and he's so unmotivated these days. Thoughts? Ever had an unappreciative bf?
Yup! Spent nearly 10 years with my ex and towards the end he gave no fucks and I felt very much like you did. If I scored a job interview or achieved something of significance, it was never congratulated or even really regarded to any degree. I say ask him and see what's up, maybe? When I approached my ex about it, he ended up dumping me because apparently he'd been unhappy for a long time but didn't have the balls to say anything, so instead tried to make me dislike him and eventually dump him so he didn't have to do the work.
Go with your mate, anon. You'll probably be more comfortable and have a better time! I hope you have fun there and it's everything you wished it to be.
You have no idea how jealous I am of your friend. But as the other anon said, you should go with her and have a nice time.
I also think you should start reconsidering your relationship with him. I know it's easy to say "dump him" but having been in a similar situation, if the other person doesn't appreciate your efforts or provides emotional support since you provide financial support in return, I think your solution is pretty clear.
Again, it's not easy but start imagining your life without him. If the idea makes you already feel better, you know the right thing to do.
I think that going to japan with your best friend and having distance will also help you in making your decision.
Have fun :3
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I almost hooked up with a guy on New Year’s Eve, but after initially acting interested (touching my leg, suggesting we go to his room) he said he was tired. He snap chatted me the next day and asked for my number, and then later texted me about how we should hang out soon while he’s on break. Haven’t heard from him since, and I only want to have sex. Should I text him, snapchat him or leave him alone? I might run into him tomorrow since he works in the same neighborhood as my work, but I’m horny now and want to send him nudes :(
Thanks for the encouragement everyone. And also thank you for not immediately saying "D U M P H I M." We are in a rough patch right now (he's unemployed because he was fired two weeks before Christmas), and I'm sure a lot of the jealousy stems from his lack of money. The good news is he got hired for another job yesterday, I'm bringing him into his orientation today.
Though I'm still asking my friend to be a backup in case he still shirks out with our plans. He's still making me nervous. It dawned on me that he tends to procrastinate so maybe he's thinking that this is a trip we can plan a week before like a domestic trip. That's just…that's really not a good idea for international traveling even if we could
pull that off. I guess I need to have another talk when things have cooled down.
he might have a gf or a girl hes talking to semi-seriously
hence canceling mid-move and only responding occasionally
>>73001>Lie and measure the drama
Are you trying help them or just looking for entertainment? >>72988
Have you talked about it with him yet? Your post says that you're happy with the guy but feeling insecure. What will make you feel secure? Ask him to accommodate it if it's reasonable.
You can't break through religious beliefs. If he's not talking to you, he's talking to someone else who is probably painting you as a bad influence that he should rid himself of.
If it's a choice between you and God, you're going to lose, tbh. If only for the fear of eternal torment. I'm not saying he's a bad person, but people can get really weird because of the high stakes in religion.
A few years ago, I got dumped. I was devastated as I felt like this person was the love of my life. He asked to get back together shortly after, but I was angry and trying to force myself to move on.
I started dating a new guy, and thought I could get fully over the past relationship. Things were good for a while, but it's been over a year now, and I never fully got over it. I feel horrible because my current boyfriend is really a great guy, and I love him a lot.
But a few weeks ago things got even worse. My ex called me up and confessed that he still loves me and wants to get together. I told him honestly that I was in a relationship, and I've been trying to avoid him, but even when I do I constantly think about him, no matter how much I try to force it away.
Most of me wants to just keep trying to get him off my mind and move forward with my current relationship, but 1. it feels so horrible and unfair to stay with my bf when my heart's not all in it and 2. a small part of me wants to get back with my ex.
I feel like the wisest thing would be to stay single for a while, but it hurts so much thinking about leaving my boyfriend, and I really, REALLY do not want to hurt him.
Fuck I really have absolutely no idea what to do right now…
wew im sorry anon, that's just sad
i would have dumped him immediately
dump him, find a better guy and leave him to his drawings
he'll realize he fucked up
Maybe, maybe not
But he has to have had some interest in irl girls to have a gf that he’s living with
I doubt any other girl would date a guy like that so when he’s alone forever he’ll realize he fucked up
nah man your bf is an asshat. don't put much stock into liars, especially only after a few months.
what do you seen in him? why not dump him?
he's a jerk and needs to mature, or he has mental health issues.
Sounds like gaslighting
>lying>doing wrong>blaming you for doing wrong
If you stick around too long it will mess with your head, but presumably he has some positive traits too since you don't want to dump him.
been over a year and yeah he has lots of good traits too which is why I stay
I've called him out before on gaslighting and then he goes and tells his parents I'm crazy and they side with him because they don't know his true colors in arguments
I get shouted at down the phone and antagonised and he's threatening to break up over me being upset by his actions that make me distrust him, how can I make him see his attitude is one way?
It sounds like you want/need him to change and I'm not sure if that's possible (at least on the timescale that is needed for you to have a more enjoyable relationship). He would need to see benefits in changing beyond pleasing you, e.g if his behavior changed could he earn more money? Other benefits?
I don't have huge stock in others ability to change, but it may be possible.
>>73258>Just happy being a neet where his parents pay his bills.
He's definitely depressed. I think dumping you out of the blue is the precursor to something worse, like suicide, but it's not a reflection on your relationship.
You can't support people out of depression so loving him was a futile, losing battle. It's not your fault. Depression is a physical illness so you pretty much have to give up on a depressed partner unless you want them to drag you down too.
50/50 on that anon–you can be in a successful relationship while both or one party is depressed.
my husband and i both have depression, we both have our bad days and the works, but we realize that the other is not responsible for our personal feelings so it helps.
i love him but i know that i can't fix his mental problems and vice versa for me, but we realized a while ago that we can work together to help ourselves rather than each other.
I don't want him to kill himself or be hurt in any way. I really tried to remain in his life. he knows I love him. he told me not to worry about him and then he would be okay, but I know he isnt - and i know i'm not.
why are boys like this
I'm a bit lost at the moment. Two weeks ago i woke up in absolute panic next to my partner. I realized that i wasn't sure if i want to spent the rest of my days with my bf.
It only got worse from this point. I'm always stressed and can't think clear. We talked about it together and decided to wait/ i would start theraphy (also because of other reasons). He is so caring and lovely and i feel so bad for him.
I don't want to end this relationship but i don't know how to save it either.
We know each other since years and have been a couple since four/ also we life together.
(sorry for my crap english)
hey anon, i was the one you were responding to and i just wanted to say something–
check on him. don't mention your relationship or anything, just say "i wanted to see how you're doing, are you okay?" or something like that. breaking up with you out of nowhere could be a sign of something deeper rooted like his depression.
calm down anon, it's probably just cause it's hard to live with people. it can drive people apart and be scary, i am sure he's scared cause you'll think he's gross or something.
my fiance and i have been living together for a year and it was a bit uneasy in the beginning with some personal habits, and he was super worried about it. but you get used to it eventually, it's just a guard you and he need to drop.
going to agree with >>73371
, you sound like you would be a terrible step mother. being in his life means you are going to be in her life. shes going to be a big part of it. you wouldnt be an asshole for leaving, because you know everyone would be unhappy. you would be the biggest fucking cunt if you stayed and tried to get in between him and his daughter.
Going through this shit right now, too.
Guess the best thing you can do is take time for yourself and see what you personally like or who you'd like to be in the future, the work towards that?
Sorry I can't give proper advice :/
Nta but selfish, evil stepmother?
Really? I get that this generation has a tendency to mash fiction and fairy tale garbage into their lives as a coping mechanism towards reality but can you not project your own problems onto somebody else? This isn't Cinderella or Snow White, please go back to Tumblr with your nauseating Disney gifs and delusions of grandeur.>>73366
The daughter probably looks up to you or you exhibit traits that attract her as a caring maternal figure. I don't know why those other anons are acting as if you said you hated the kid and wanted to send her off to a boarding school so you could have the man all to yourself, but bitches gonna project so what can you do? Lol. You acknowledged that you feel remorse for your own feelings. Its not like you've screamed at the kid and told her to fuck off and rot.
You don't have to stay and you're not an asshole for leaving, but you're both at different points in your lives. You're only 23 and he's 32 with a child. You could either talk to him about it gently or give it some more time and find activities which you and the daughter can share.
Just know that if you choose to stay, it won't always be easy. There will be times as with all families and parents where patience will be lost, arguments will occur, but at the end of the day as long as you're all able to communicate how you feel and some to a solution then things will be okay. The daughter isn't actively trying to come between the two of you. She is just accustomed to having her father's undivided attention, but she would also like some validation from you as well because you make her father happy. You obviously have some good qualities.
You don't want the kid dead. The two other anons were crazy reaching and likely don't have children of their own otherwise they would understand the challenges that come with being a stepparent.
She is 8 years old and he should have taught her better manners than to burst in and interrupt when you two are talking. That's rude and she is perfectly capable of understanding this at her age. She is not an infant.
It also isn't okay that he more or less dumps his kid off onto you. He's her father. He needs to do his share. You two aren't married, so realistically you have zero obligation to this child beyond basic civility and respect. It isn't your duty to raise her. You're still entitled to your own space and autonomy.
From the men I've talked to, when they think about getting into a relationship with a single mom they usually know the pros and cons of this. I don't really know what you expected? You're dating someone who is more than half your age and has a kid, an entirely different stage in life than you.
If you want to make it work with him, talk it out. If you realize that it was a mistake, then moving out doesn't make you an asshole (other than the fact you clearly made an error in judging what you were getting into).
Relationships are hard, doubly so if there's a dependent involved.
Then don't date someone who has kids.
You're not an asshole for wanting to live your life the way you want to.
But you're delusional for thinking you can make a relationship work out when you and your partner are polar opposites in such a key aspect of life.
Take it from a 37 year old me who also never wanted kids, a relationship with guys who wanted or had children never worked out.
Oil and water don't mix.
You're 23, he fathered that kid when he was 24. Possibly that is making you uncomfortable, (as in, pressure for you to do the same/reflect on your life/future) or the fact you've got 9 years between you and 15 between you and the kid. It's awkward.
However she has the right to hang around with her Dad. Potentially he's leaving you to "babysit" or she is naturally more interested in you as a feminine role model.
Your awkwardness is understandable, but as other Anons said it's obviously a package deal.
Well we talked over skype and asked him how he was, he said he was okay. Told him that I missed him and loved him - to which he replied that back. But when I questioned him about getting back together/working things out - he shut me down with the "I don't know - I can't think - Don't make me repeat it"
After a week, i should really know where I stand with a guy right? Like honestly, how long do guys need to make up their mind??? It's not very fair.
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Thanks for the replies, anons.
We have mutual friends with the same hobbies as well. But whenever we argue he likes to take control of them and call them 'his friends' and forcefully cuts me out our shared group chat with them. He likes to keep our friend groups separate in order to 'protect' any chance I would try to 'take his friends away from him' because of his ex-girlfriend who tried to do just that. I've tried explaining to him that mindset is toxic to our relationship.
As for making solo plans with him, I feel like every single thing I suggest in relation to our hobby is always a rejection. I'm much more open-minded than he is, and I'm the one who always just ends up going with the flow.I guess that's also the appeal of my friend-crush too. I went to a bar with him and our friends last week and he always made me feel included.>>73404
I know this is easier said than done, but let go of your uneasiness and just enjoy time spent with your bf.
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Going to do a quick tldr;
I met a man and in the end for fooled by his ' I'm being so friendly and generic just to get stuff I want / fullfil my desires ', got stuck in an unhealthy relationship with this fucking sociopath, and each time I remind myself of all the emotional abuse I want to kill him so bad. I was (and still am) nothing but a 'cute fap-material' to him, and he even admited that _alot_, each time I cried about my real life problems due to high-fuctioning depression, he was like 'least you got a good body, that's why I would date you (:'. Oh right, we never actually dated but kept our so-called relationship in a secret. At that time I was totally okay with that because I thought it's because of our large age difference. But I don't know, looking back now I realise that he done that just to keep feeling free and catch some other silly female. I want to leave him, but at the same time I feel like I trapped because I keep seeing something good in other people, I'm just… really kind and you can play with my feelings so easily because I'm that pure 'mom friend'. I tried to open up and gently tell him that 'listen, I always, always feel bad about myself and sad each time I talk to you. Maybe we could come back to talking when you fix your shitty attitude and life view'. But Inthe endhe played this 'hey I'm having a depression atm, but now I'm trying to fix it' card. But at the same time, right now his mother is dying and he is also having some weird shit with his health. I just feel so, so bad for him that I don't know. But does he deserve me? Do I deserve this kind of treatment? Of course, I keep fooling myself everytime he is in his normal mood, but I got a feeling I'll just throw myself in a trash if I'll keep talking to him.
I also… Talk with one of our friends in common for awhile now, and he is the only listener and actual good supporter that I get. He is such a nice person, and an actual honest one. I did built feelings for him and such, but I'm so, so scared.
How long have you known this guy….?
He sounds like a weirdo, and you should dump him tbh. Of course you do NOT deserve such terrible treatment!!
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You mean the abusive ~oh la la I'm sociopath and that's my only excuse :p~ guy? I know him for two years now, our so-called relationship lasted for half of a year. The thing is that I still can't leave him even if we are 'oh, you know, friends. But I got your nudes and come for you usually only when I have to boost my ego and masturbate'. Also I do realise that I will never actually date him, and also I'm pretty sure he is not going to have a family at all unless some chick will try to get him. But goddamit, he is such a jerk. Everytime I asked him about people that he used to date he KEPT throwing a bad vibe on them, talking like 'omgggg they are so ruined because they LEFT ME' and in every situation he repeated the same thing 'they got fat'. As for me, a person with eating disorder, this shit sounds both weird, triggering
My problem is that I really, really want to cut off every contact with him, but I still can't for some dumb reason. I keep hoping that he is 'still a good person', even though I know that he's not. We got a 9 year age difference btw.
Talking about our friend in common - he is really great and actually honest. We both share lots of interests, even surprisingly got the same view of life and he is as kind as me. He is such a sweetheart, really. But I'm scared that ur I'll open up about the fact that the guy who I also complain about is his _real life friend_ I'll destroy everything. Maybe i will tell him about it one day, but I think it's too early. I'm also pretty sure that if I'll break off every contact with the abusive guy, he'll start a huge drama and will whine to the second one, and the second one may realise that he is _that jerk_. And it's going to have pretty bad consequences…? I don't know what to do, really.
I think that it's good that he didn't just dump the kid as soon as things ended with the girl's mother. It's his right and his daughter's to see each other and she should be his priority.
But on the other hand, if you're this uncomfortable it can't be helped. As other anons said, the little girl is part of the package. You're not wrong for being uncomfortable about this situation but your boyfriend isn't wrong either for actively being a dad. If that's not your cup of tea, move out
You should have your guard up with that type of person. Don't be so eager that you just settle to be her honorary Aryan gf.
There was some really gross stuff posted in older relationship threads about Asians in relationships with /pol/types. Maybe it can work for you but it's like trying to domesticate a wolf.
Yeah, I left him a message after we talked later on saying "thanks for speaking with me - i'm going to give you space now and continue with my own life and making improvements. However if i'm not busy and you want to talk, drop me a message" and he said "thanks for talking too, i'm sorry i'm run down" among other things such as telling me to look after myself and have a nice day.
So i'm trying my best to be there but it's up to him now.
So I've been dating this guy for a few months, we meet online but we've met IRL twice. I stayed at his place in New York for a week this month. Long story short, I found out that he was living with his ex girlfriend who he never told me about, which I obviously found very suspicious. When she went back home to visit her family was the same week he conveniently told me to come visit. Now that poor girl is back and still living with him (found out by checking her insta. Recognized his apartment in her pic.) I want to believe him when he says she's moving out soon and that she IS his ex, but he's lied about so much and I hate being treated like a fool. I feel guilty because he paid to come see me before, and paid $300 for me to fly out to see him, so it doesn't make sense that he would pay for just a side chick. I don't know if I should give him another chance, since he assured me she found a place and will move out by this month, or not…I honestly feel bad for this girl if she really believes they're still dating, he's dated her for 4 years but has wanted to dump her for over a year, according to him. I don't feel jealous. Just feel guilty and hurt for being so naive.
Ok so update - he blocked me everywhere when I told him that I do love him but I dont know if i can continue to love him in the future. I asked if he wanted me to wait or move on and he said "just go" and fucking blocked me everywhere.
I'm absolutely fuming.
yeah me too.
i was actually rooting for you in the beginning but you sound so fucking needy. i get that you guys broke up and you wanted to work it out, but fuck, you need to understand that others have needs, if it didn't work for you then fine, but you sound super annoying and totally ruined whatever chance you had of him getting back with you. i am glad you got blocked cause this is probably a good learning experience.
I've been on (one) date with someone who was currently living in his "ex" girlfriend's parent's house, with her and the parents. Also had plenty of guys trying to talk/date/get noods while being attached
What is loyalty
I get i fucked up by drinking. But how is it needy to actually want an answer when we havent spoken properly for 2 weeks? He's had plenty time to think whether he wants this to work out or not. I think i'm being pretty mature about it by being direct and honest. And him blocking me/ghosting me is a bad thing because it shows how he doesn't care. People who do that are avoidant because they don't want to face reality. Like >>73260
said, I offered him everything so that we could work together to do this. I tried different types of compromise but his issue is that he sees relationships as "ownership".
And his depression issue sucks, but I have depression too. I'm the one who takes medication for it, so just to solely blame his shitty actions all on his depression is, imo, bullshit.
if you have depression too, have some empathy. you were too focused on caring about getting your relationship back you ignored that he's an actual person. and if you're angry for him breaking up with you then don't try to get back with him, but you came into the thread asking what was up, various people told you and you ignored our advice.>>73587
i actually don't think that's the case. i think anon is just a selfish brat and pushed him to block her. it sounded fine at first, but i'd have blocked her too at this point, regardless of my actual feelings. if she was going off the idea that he broke up cause he was overwhelmed, she did a piss poor job trying to care.
These replies to you are insensitive. He is avoidant of reality, that is clear. 2 weeks and blocking you, while not unusual in a breakup situation shows he is disconnected and just wants to shut everything off. You seem to have a better understanding than these Anons who are like "just get over it lol" but we're entitled to our opinions.
I'd say it's not looking good, but you didn't do the wrong thing by caring/trying to reach out. Caring a little less is ideal, but then makes relationships themselves untenable as why even try if you don't care?
Anyway I hope that made sense, what's done is done now.
>tfw you start recognizing the Anons from their writing style in this thread
You've disagreed with me before :')
You're invested in this but she has the right to ignore advice given to her. As I said:>what's done is done
anon you do realize we were trying to help her, right? she can't expect him to want to get back with her if she's calling him and messaging him and guilting him. she's told us that he suffers with depression, as does she (so i do feel for her) and usually last minute break-ups like this are a sign of something worse than just breaking up. you may be medicated for it anon but he doesn't seem to be in the way you typed. these things take time, emotions take time. you can't vilify him just because you want the two of you to get back together–you need to give him his space. shit, he may want to end it all together with no chance of getting back together, it sucks but LET HIM. it isn't only your relationship, both parties need to want to be together and it seems for sure that he doesn't. you need to respect that and leave him alone. if in the future he wants to continue the relationship, great cool wonderful! then y'all can continue it. for now, get on with your life as if he didn't exist. it's hard but sometimes you have to do that when you're an adult.
(also lmao people have similar writing styles, i've only posted 4 times in response to you and that last one isn't me >>73644
also i posted >>73637
and wouldn't you fucking know, anons who don't use caps have 'similar writing styles'. i am way more harsh anyway and i'm glad OP fucked up cause she sounds like a twat.
>why did my bf break up>it sounds like depression>b-but i have MORE DEPRESSION>i want him back it's been 3 days!!!>w-why did he block me? what an asshole
that's how stupid you look. i get that she's acting irrationally cause of post-break up feels, but her coming here for advice, which she did, and then doing the opposite AND blaming her depression makes it seem like she just came here to get confirmation bias. ah well. such is youth i guess.
OP here. Actually, he wanted to talk to me last night so we did - we talked for a while and he doesn't want me out of his life - he's just very scared. So fuck you with your whole 'she deserved this' bullshit.
This will probably be the first and last time I ask for advice on this platform. While i'm happy ya'll took time of your day to reply, wow you guys are absolute bitches. I just wanted someone to be reasonable to me and hear outside perspectives but you and several other anons are downright mean. I've taken onboard everything that was said here, but honestly… screw you. People make mistakes. I made a mistake. EITHER WAY, IT WORKED OUT.
we aren't 'absolute bitches', you just aren't happy with what we said about your situation. we gave you the advice you asked for but it wasn't what you wanted to hear.
glad we attempted to help even though it seems you didn't appreciate whatever advice was sent your way. hope things get better for you none the less.
Can’t imagine how depressed you must be if you’ve gotta come tell a pack of snarky anons that some boy you dated for two weeks is texting you again so there you’re the most bestest and rightest person ever.
No wonder he broke up with you, you’re needier than people with borderline.
It’s entirely normal for an 8 year old to crave company and the affection/approval of the woman she lives with. God damn anon were you just not a child or something? Or one of those people who convince themselves they werenot annoying and needy as a child cause you’re just so great?
That poor kid just wants to know who the fuck is secure and stable and safe to love and trust. Stop acting like she’s some awful gremlin you’re forced to clean up after or just leave.
Anon I felt the same about my relationship a few years ago, he is 10 years older than me also. Even though nothing has happened to make you feel this way - is that the issue? That nothing is happening? Ideally what could happen to improve this for You?
I understand what you mean about thinking it could work another time but things are fleeting and if you really think you have something special, try your best not to let it go. You aren't guaranteed to get it back.
Stop being passive aggressive and just say "Hey, I'd like it if you'd text me more often" or ask him why he doesn't. I was in a LDR with a guy who just wasn't big on texting and didn't need as much "us time" as I did. We just talked about it and found a compromise that worked for us.
You guys have already brought up the idea of marrying and moving in together, but that's a bad idea if you can't even communicate with each other. Neither of you are mind readers, so talk it out and go from there. It could be a misunderstanding or maybe he's just a dick. You won't know until you talk about it.
i think you should leave if youre having these feelings anon, it would be good for both of you. like >>73723
said, hes at the point where hes settling down. he'll probably want kids soon, get married, move in together, because he is at the age where you that is normal. unless you really love him want to continue with him, you should break up so you can have some fun! date around, explore your sexuality. its not a bad thing to admit you want something different so you dont waste anyones time.
anons i haven't expressed this to anyone in fear of being called homophobic but here it goes anyway
i started dating my boyfriend 1.5 years ago. i remember very early in the relationship we went out and got pretty drunk and at one point decided to share our ~deepest secrets~ with one another. he told me one time he hooked up with a guy. big deal, i thought. he said it wasn't for him and that was that.
about 8 or so months later i was using his laptop and stumbled upon a bunch of gay porn. i asked him about it and he got extremely defensive. we got into a huge argument because he told me he still fantasizes about the time he hooked up with that guy so i started pushing him on his heterosexuality, asking if he was bi, etc (really fucked up of me, i know). the biggest reason why i got upset was because his explanation didn't make sense to me… "i reminisce about the time i hooked up with a guy but i swear i'm straight." he got really mad that this was a big deal to me (which it wouldn't have been had i not gone 9 months under the assumption that he tried it out and decided he wasn't into it), started calling me homophobic, blah blah. i tend to avoid discussions about sexuality with him now because he always gets extremely defensive about his.
but there are things that make me question his claim to heterosexuality. he hates going down on me, he is repulsed by the idea of mutual masturbation (watching me touch myself while he does the same), he doesn't get super excited about sex but is really into blowjobs, doesn't really touch my body or make sex intimate when it happens, etc. ugh, i'm getting very upset just writing this. we click on many, many different levels, but sex is important to me and sometimes i get the feeling he's not as into the puss as he claims to be.
How is he “obviously” bi?
>he hates going down on me>he is repulsed by the idea of mutual masturbation>he doesn't get super excited about sex >is really into blowjobs>doesn't really touch my body or make sex intimate when it happens
Bisexuality implies he likes men and
women. No part of anon’s post implies he likes women except for the fact that he
says he does. Even anon says she has her doubts.
He is gay. Obviously he doesn't want to talk to you about that because he is embarrassed about it so stop asking something you already know the answer.
The question is, how much do you love him? do you love him as a romantic partner? can you see him as a friend? If I were you, I would try to break up with him with the excuse of "just being friends". You deserve better anon.
He's not gay
in that he can still have sex with you, and the behaviour could be attributed to awkwardness. All signs point to bi and desperate to explore it. Set him loose Anon
he might be gay or he might not be, but either way he's a shitty partner and you're better off without
also, gay men are capable of having sex with women - why do you think K there's gay men with kids from before they came out of the closet?
I've been with my partner for 8 years, except I'm not ready to settle down for good. I know people will say it's oneitus but I seriously believe that I could be with him for my whole life, I still find him attractive and want to hear about his day, our only problem is that I miss casual relationships. I would never cheat and he isn't interested in an open relationship so this has been the case for years, but lately all I can think about is how I'm delaying the inevitable until I break us apart.
I feel guilty for being a slut and for being different to him, but then also angry at how even though I've done everything to be honest and be good to him it doesn't matter because I'll always eventually be 'the bad one' in this relationship who breaks it. He never holds any of it against me, but obviously if it comes up in conversation he is very hurt and understandably takes it as him being not attractive enough etc, when it really isn't anything to do with that.
Lately I have been feeling so guilty about it that I stopped having sex with him, because it just didn't feel right when I'm having all of these doubts about our relationship. I didn't say anything about it and he hasn't asked, I think he thinks I'm depressed and has been treating me delicately. I started to feel awkward around him because I can't even say 'i love you' back without feeling guilty, so I've been spending more time with friends. Talking about it seems hopeless since nothing ever changes when we do because the only alternative is to break up, but it's spiraled out of control to the point that I feel like I've started to break up with him without telling him and I can see that it's hurting him.
I was never scared of being alone until I met him, even if I picture my life after our breakup it still has him and all his dumb habits in it and I don't know what to do. I feel so stupid because I know that if we break up I still won't be happy, it's just trading one small problem for another devastating one even if that sounds like teenage bullshit. Maybe it's over for good, but I can't imagine my life without him.
I'm going to try to talk to him soon, but it feels like walking into oncoming traffic would hurt less.
Hey anon I’m sorry you’re going through all of this internal conflict and want to let you know that this is very common- try not to judge yourself too harshly on things that are only happening in your mind. He sounds like a really great and understanding guy that you want to be with so I’d suggest taking some time and really analyzing your feelings. What is it exactly that you crave from a casual relationship? Is it the feeling of being desired by someone, the thrill of something new or the fun mental sparring portion of flirting? I think if you look deeply and find the underlying dynamic that you’re actually craving there are ways you can find that and achieve satisfaction in your current relationship.
If you do a lot of soul searching and find that it’s just impossible for you to be monogamous I would also think very carefully about an open or poly relationship dynamic - it may seem like a the perfect solution but relationships with one other person are complicated enough, with more people the problems and issues are multiplied and made more complex. Good luck and I hope that everything works out for you!
If you actually read my post you would have seen I was actually warning her about even considering a non-monogamous relationship? I never said or even insinuated that non-monogamy is not a choice.
But thank you for shitting out your stupid non-relevant opinion over my sincere and heartfelt advice you bitter bitch.
…i did read what you said>If you do a lot of soul searching and find that it’s just impossible for you to be monogamous
that part is fucking bullshit. don't be so angry.
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My husband's sudden interested in fascism and far-right ideas is starting to worry me. When I met him 10 years ago, he was apolitical. Out of nowhere, he started saying "Hitler did nothing wrong", that Hilter saved Germany from the Jews, and had anime Nazi shit on his laptop. He became obsessed with WW2 Germany. He began whining about cultural Marxism. He is a Trump stan and will never admit that Trump is less than perfect. The last straw was when he ranted about how "Muslims are shit" and how they fuck up everything. He blamed Charlottesville(sp?) on antifa and he believes that the girl died from being fat and not from getting ran over. He thinks 4chan's pol is too liberal and goes on 8chan's pol religiously.
What's the funniest thing of this all, is that I'm black and we are in a interracial relationship. It's worries me that he won't be able to father my future children well, because of his backwards views. Like, how can you be a /pol/tard and post about white genocide and have a black wife
What the fuck should I do?!
god, that's totally fucked. it sounds like you're willing to put in the effort to at least ask him what the fuck is going on, so i would start off by doing that. then you'll have to make a decision about whether his political views weigh sufficiently enough in your personal life/marriage to leave him. if he's serious about his alt-right convictions then you best be sure that as a poc you're not exempt from his racism, unfortunately. don't let this escalate, it could put you or your family in danger tbh.
as a visible minority i would personally be embarrassed to be with someone who champions racist bullshit and would have left the moment i found out that his hitler obsession was motivated by anything other than a historical interest in fascist regimes.
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Hey all, would love a bit of advice. This is a LONG ONE
Dated a guy for 4 years and we were on the verge of getting engaged (we were waiting until we saved enough for the ring to do it, so it would have been a few months after we split.) He became aggressive and nasty towards me, so I totally lost attraction to him. It ended up in me dumping him. He then pleaded for me to say, said he was only lashing out as he was having a hard time. I believed him. A few weeks later he comes up to my office and tells me he doesn't love me anymore and wants to "move to Japan and adopt children" (he is 27, had neither mentioned either of those things before) and he never wanted to hear my voice again. I was devastated as I was on some weird "only want what I can't have" trip. He moved out and couldn't stop messaging me and made excuses to come over and eat dinner with me before I forced him to stop. I demanded no contact for one month. One month ends (he broke no contact to invite me to the cinema and send me memes) and we hang out (Halloween.) Feels awkward as fuck, he is visibly a fucking mental wreck. Wasn't working, couldn't work, getting into debt. I say we should never see each other again. He vomits, pleads with me to change my mind. He says he isn't sure if he wants to date again, and he wants time to heal and meet again to see if it would work then. I stupidly agree. Literally the next day I realise I've fucked up and call it off. Then a week later a mutual friend tells me they saw him and he couldn't stop asking all these questions about me and he seemed to be in a state. So I took pity on him and messaged him saying I'd be okay to meet in whatever months after no contact. He says he can't even commit to that now because he's so fucked up mentally. "Whatever" I think and tell him lemme know whatever way it goes down.
So me and him leased a house together (which I still live in) a month before the split. The lease isn't that far from being up, so we HAVE to be in contact about certain things. He has a number of a friend of mine and started spamming her with things I need to know about the lease. This fucked off both me AND her. She asked him why he keeps texting her. He said "I can't speak to anon at all. I'm terrified of doing it. I don't think I'll be able to speak to her before the lease is up in June tbh" We dated for FOUR YEARS and he couldn't text me short details about a LEASE after HE dumped ME! So I messaged him saying "look let's meet for a cup of tea and it might help you stopped being scared" He actually agreed and said it was a great idea!
SO here's what I need advice on: I need to get through this meeting pleasantly for him to stop annoying my friend. But I kind of hate him, and here's why: He began selling gifts I gave him online within one month of us splitting. He is selling things with HUGE emotional value for very cheap prices. He IS in debt, but I feel like the money he's getting for the items is SO SMALL that it's a cold move to sell these items. I found the listings because I looked up an item I wanted and recognised a listing immediately then saw the rest on his store.
I have no desire to get back with him. But I feel pissed off that he's done this. Am I correct to be pissed off about it? Also, since we agreed to meet, he has messaged me the odd very brief thing about the lease already. But his language is VERY purposefully cold and out of character. Like I know him, and the way he is talking in these messages is VERY thoughtful to appear cold. Like why would he be doing this?! How the hell will I get through being pleasant to him with this on my mind?
Thank you for the advice. He started to change once he got into the Air Force. He went from laughing at both political parties to HIS NAME WAS SETH RICH. Once he gets back from his deployment, I'm going to talk to him and see what's wrong with him. It scares me that the same shit he says about Muslims is the same shit that people say about black people. I keep telling him that if his /pol/ buddies knew that he has a black wife, they wouldn't be cool with him.
I'm not even asking him to be a progressive SJW type. I just don't want his beliefs to affect our relationship. Again, thank you for your advice. I needed it.
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To be straight to the point, I'm head over heels for my best friend and I have no clue if he feels the same way.He tells me all the time that I'm beautiful and that he loves me (badly made collage related), but I'm not sure if he just says those things because he knows I'm insecure and need reassurance that I'm cared about or if he actually feels those things. He gets really upset when I tell him about men treating me badly,but he's my friend, so maybe that's why?He's always there when I need support and someone to lean on. He's smart, gorgeous, and sweet, absolutely perfect to me. Am I seeing things that aren't there and just wishing they were?
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Ask him on a date
Ask him if he wants a kiss
If he refuses to kiss you pull a bag of Hershey kisses say that ok then they are all for you then and emphasise it was a friend date
Date him after he kisses you
It works I’ve done it before
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What is it to be in love, anons?
I've never been romantically in love with a person I know. The closest would be my 2 year crush on a certain youtuber. Honestly I don't know if this is like a real crush would be, or it's a "celebrity crush". He's not big or anything, and I just genuinely like him as a person. Other guys just annoy me. Sometimes I feel bad for not liking them back, but… eh. I can't force myself in any way. Is love something that can suddenly appear? Like, there a guy that's crazily into me, we have similar interests, get along fine, but if he just waltzed out from my life I would be like okay, bye. He mostly annoys me now (unwanted attention and manic pixie girl dreaming piss me off). With the youtuber guy, I feel like I could do, uh, a lot of OOC stuff, like get into cooking, watch sports with him, be affectionate… I've never felt like this towards a guy, mind I'm super assertive and independent, self-sufficient, and kinda cold. But like, for him I could probably go soft. Is this love? However pathetic that could be.
How romantic love even feels like?
It just feels like having a best friend except you want to fuck them (assuming you don't want to fuck your friends hahaha). I don't think it's possible to actually "love" a celebrity because you're seeing the best version of them and not all their flaws or moods when the camera is off. Also what you're seeing is just such a small part of them and you end up filling the gaps yourself with your ideal traits in a partner. There are plenty of celebs I think are hot but then I think about how we probably wouldn't share the same interests or maybe he's an asshole irl or maybe he's really distant and cold to his lovers instead of quirky and charming when he's in private or we might just not click.
For me, love is wanting to make that other person happy and getting so much satisfaction from seeing them happy. We basically feed off of each other's happiness. It's about getting excited to see them and being comfortable around them all the time. When I see a new restaurant or pictures of a country I've never been to, he's the first person I think of bringing with me. I want to share so many experiences with him. When one of us is down or stressed, we do everything we can to help. We can tell each other anything. I sleep so well at night when I'm next to him because he's the one person in the world I'm most comfortable/happy around.>>74263
That's the kind of "puppy love" stage that lasts a few weeks.
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Shit anon we have to be the same person. Never had romantic love for anyone I met or even much sexual attraction. Only except for YouTubers I just got fangirl crushes on fictional characters.
Shit sucks, feels like you’re missing out on a big part of the human experience. Doesn’t help that I love romance stories and Disney movies —vicariously living through them I suspect.
It will likely happen anons. Nobody wakes up thinking that they'll meet someone, it just happens.
I was a kissless virgin till I was 24. No interest in guys, never felt romantic feelings towards anyone, just assumed it would never happen and that would be my life.
Started a new job and at a work event where other compartments attended I met a guy who changed all of that. We spoke all night and for the first time I found someone I wanted to pursue. Now we've been together for almost 3 years.
Just…dont worry if it takes time.
I really think you should start to emotionally prepare yourself to end this relationship. There are threads on /pol/ about guys who get into interracial relationships with asian girls and then when they have children they regret it loads and are sick even looking at their children. These children eventually grow up mentally unstable because of their fathers.
You're lucky you haven't had kids with this guy, talk to him seriously about your future together and if he won't change get the fuck out. Good luck.
Yeah you might need to divorce him. You're not even an "honorary Aryan" asian race, and the friends he's rubbing elbows with now are 10,000% percent certain to make him hate you.
Before you say anything to him, or even hint at troubles in your relationship, take steps to protect yourself. Like, gather up all your important documents, destroy files that can be used against you. You're going to get doxxed, without a doubt, but do what you can to mitigate the damage so he doesn't completely fuck all your shit up. If you can buy one of those identity protection services, even better.
You definitely need to have a serious conversation about your concerns over his world views. I know it's so, so difficult when you've been with somebody for a while and starting building a life together, but try to think of the future you want for yourself (and more importantly your future children) and be honest whether he can provide that future for you as he is now.
From your description here he sounds awful. Somebody who spends so much of their time feeling anger and hatred will rapidly decline as a person.
I met my bf online, together two years before we ever met irl. This is not normal behavior especially for someone who wants to "marry you" We would call everyday and text, and if we couldn't talk we at least had active communication through text. Relationships are work and spending time especially LDR is SO SO IMPORTANT. He sounds like he doesn't care for you.
As for the whole "Oh you just text then" the effort should be on both sides and he seems dismissive as fuck about your feelings. I hate to be cliche and do the meme thing but girl dump him. While I know people are different and have different levels of neediness/affection what he's doing is not a normal deviation AT ALL and you are obviously hurting and he doesn't seem to care at all! Instead he just blames you and doesn't try to help or understand your feelings. You will be unhappy, resentful and angry if you stay
Hey everyone, I need advice on a crush I have, not really a relationship. How do you tell if your doctor may be interested in you? I have a hard time drawing the line between him being just a young doctor with a special care for an unlucky young patient (me) and the possibilty of a romantic interest.
A bit of background, I have a lot of health issues and I'm often around doctors and nurses (just to clarify that I'm used to being a patient, I've developed crushes on nurses and docs before but I've never had the feeling that the thing was mutual up until now, I knew very well I was delusional).
I've been hospitalized twice for the most serious health issue I have, in two different hospitals. The first time, there was a male nurse (I'm 29 and he's 40 I think) who was very sweet to me, always bringing me chocolate and comics and just chitchatting all the time. But I would kind of expect this behavior from a nurse since I try to be very kind to nurses anyway, and I spent a lot of time in the hospital the first time around, and I almost died so I guess they pitied me? I really, really liked this nurse but I knew that he was just being friendly and kind. Doctors were also kind to me but in a very different way, I would say more distant.
Then the second hospitalization came, as scheduled. I had already met the two docs who would take care of me in the new hospital. The first day the younger doc (also around 40) came to my room to talk to me. Initially he asked the other patient's relatives to leave for privacy reasons, then he decided to bring me to his office. He explained stuff in details, made me sign papers and that was it.
The following day was the day of the procedure. He prepared me and everything was normal. I was then taken to the surgery room to run an angiography and I was scared shitless. The older doctor put his hand on my head for a split second and that was it. The one I like actually caressed my cheek?! But I thought it was just because of what I was going through. But then they ran a TC scan on me, which is the silliest thing and I've undergone so many anyway, and he did the same again with a big smile.
Then there was the procedure, during which he just asked me how many languages I speak since I told him I have a degree in foreign languages and literature, so nothing major.
After the procedure, he came twice to my room to check on me (so did the older doc, separately). The first time, he touched my cheek again. The second time, he came alone and checked the wounds, then went all the way to the nurses room to get a cream and came back and applied the cream himself… I thought it was strange that a surgeon would do so? The surgeon who did the procedure on the other girl in my room checked on her once just because the nurse called him and instructed a nurse to do everything, I think this is more common.
The next day I was discharged and the doctor prepared my discharge paper. He told me from the beginning that he would give me his phone number so I could call him if anything was wrong, and to book the next check up. But I thought he would write so on the discharge documents, like they did in the previous hospital. Instead, when I read the documents it just said to call the ward. And he wrote his name and number on a piece of paper in front of me! I also have reasons to believe that it's his private cellphone, althought there is a possibility that he only has this one, so not a big deal.
I also asked me what a thing he wrote on my discharge papers meant, and I asked him jokingly if it meant I'm fat, and he laughed nervously and then told me no, just meant that I'm healthy weight. Actually I mimicked being fat with my hands (Italianfag, soo…) which I guess made him laugh, but I found it so weird, I ask this question all the time to docs (I also have doctor friends) and I've never seen this reaction, they just go "you're not" with the usual seriousness and like they don't care about my stupid question (I ask bc I think I have high bodyfat %, I'm skinnyfat).
Then I stopped him in the hallway before leaving (so many doctors get annoyed at this) and asked him if I could call his cellphone if something was wrong (just to make sure because he told me so on the first day than didn't say it again) and he said of course, with a big smile, so I thanked him for everything and he touched my cheek again and then said goodbye.
I don't know what to think. I have to schedule an appointment with him in six months…
What do you think?
Sorry for the text wall!
That sounds overly familiar. It's possible that he might just cares about you in a nonsexual way, maybe you remind him of his sister or something, but if you like him too then there's no reason to not get in touch at some point and see what happens. Obviously don't just text to see if he's dtf, text about something relevant and say something innocuous like how you hope he isn't being worked too hard at the hospital or something. If a conversation happens then it happens, but if it doesn't then abandon those thoughts>>74445
I kind of agree that it's a bit sleazy for a doctor to be interested in someone who is vulnerable. If she is aware of that going in then it's her choice. I would imagine that if he flirts with one patient, he flirts with many also
So do you think he was flirting, indeed? I wrote honestly everything that happened. It didn't feel pushy or flirty to me, he just seemed super nice and he grew on me. He never came off as unprofessional, jus very caring. Yes I may be overthinking and I may have an issue with hospital staff… with the nurse I never had the feeling that he liked me back though, even if he was super sweet.>>74461
I will have to call him sooner (if I feel sick - he specifically said to call him if I have strange symptoms) or later to book a check up anyway, which I still find strange since I could just call his ward or the older doctor, as I find strange that he literally gave me his number on a piece of paper and not on a document which would be more normal in an hospital. I guess I will just try to see how it goes next time we talk.
Actually, we had already met in his office before I was hospitalized there. Maybe I'm being too positive, but what if he liked me from the start then just acted super nice when I was inpatient, and won't push things any further until I need his treatment. I have a hard time believeng he was suddendly into me (if that's what it is, which I still doubt anyway) when I walked into his office in my pajamas and when he medicated my swollen wounds. I'd think he was sleazy too. But I'm willing to wait and see if things develop later. Honestly I'm just trying to sort my thoughts out, and for the time being, I'd be happy to know there was a chance for us once I'm no longer a patient.
And yes I know I have an issue with hospital staff. But everyone is always so nice to me, I don't know why! Way more nice than to other patients. It could be that I almost died at 29 and now I have to undergo a long and painful treatment (with said doc).
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Could I get some advice on how to get over a crush? I know this sounds like a really stupid question, but I'm socially inept and I think this is the first time in my life I can say that I've actually had feelings for someone. I genuinely really care about him and just talking to him makes me happy, but I know that because we go to different universities he's eventually going to get a girlfriend (or at least have feelings for another person) and it's not going to be me. I just want to get over this really soon, because any time he talks about a girl who he thinks he might have feelings for it really fucks me up and hurts even though I know it shouldn't. I also know that I'm probably not the best match for him anyway because I'm really closed off with my emotions and he's really sensitive, and even if I could see a future with us together I'm too much of a pussy to ever tell him that I like him. Basically at this point I need to accept that he's going to end up with someone else.
I've tried to distance myself from him by not interacting with him unless he initiates it, but sometimes I can't help but send him a message once in a while because just talking to him makes me really happy, especially when I'm feeling depressed (even though I can tell he probably prioritizes his uni friends over me). I can't completely ignore him and cut him out of my life because it'd be really shitty to ignore a friend just because they don't like you back. Distancing myself from him worked for a few weeks and then I had a retarded dream that we were in a relationship together and when I woke up I was full force back into this crush again (this has happened multiple times). Can anyone give me advice on how to deal with this? I hate feeling desperate and needy and out of control with my emotions.
I would ask him if he's nervous. It happens to my fiance for a stretch of time every now and then and it's because he gets stressed about it and the more he thinks about it the worse it gets. For me the best thing I've been able to do is not hugely address it, be cool and nonchalant when it happens, and dirty talk. Lots of it.
His explanation sounds a bit funny, but it sounds like he's self conscious that it's become an issue
Thanks for the advice anons :) I've also thought to myself that if this gets too painful and out of hand I should just confess so that at least I can get a surefire rejection and get over it. I guess one of my reasons for hesitating is that a) what if I confess and things aren't the same between us again and b) even if he says he likes me back I'm not sure what we can do about it since we go to different schools. Anyway, I know that either way these excuses are just making things worse for myself in the long run.
I guess this also leads in to my second question? I am terrible at flirting and am not sure how to express to him that I'm interested. Or should I just be honest straight up and tell him how I feel? I don't know how to go about that since I'm guessing that sending him a message out of the blue saying that I like him would be really straightforward and kind of weird.
He sounds like a douche, anon. If he’s acting like this before you’ve even met, he’s only going to get worse. I would advise you to cancel on him and refund him. He seems like exactly the sort of guy who thinks a girl ‘owes’ him when he pays for shit. Don’t let him take that high ground
Also I think you should break it off in general - it’s really concerning that you say you’ve been dating him before you’ve even met. Sounds like you got involved way too quickly, I hope you learn from this that you should get to know someone before committing. It’s too easy to get carried away with excitement with someone new and put good judgement aside
Sorry if I sound bitchy but I’m just pissed because it reminded me of my last relationship and I wish someone had told me not to get involved
From my experience this over the top behavior is because he is DESPERATE for a shag. He's being needy because he's buttering you up and afraid you'll change your mind. It's likely he's not actually
needy like that IRL so if you enjoy talking to him in his less desperate mode it's worth explaining you find this neediness offputting, and would like him to calm down. I don't think you should necessarily call it off as he may not actually be like that IRL and maybe you'll get along. It's good you're second guessing it, though since this means whatever he's up to won't be a surprise to you. Also if he is genuinely like that IRL it's bad news, I'm yet to meet a clingy guy irl though but be careful.
Btw if you are getting creepy
vibes - rather than just neediness - you should refund and cancel (something I've also done! He took 24 hours to make a "proof" pic I asked for when my proof pic was within 2 hours, his was in all caps and looked crazy, he was unclear about the meeting arrangements despite the fact he was sposed to drive me somewhere, and didn't reply after midnight 0.00 on the dot, as well as a user bio where he bragged about being a "bad guy". He never asked me much about myself and arranged this meeting (overnight in hotel, concert) without even asking me about my availability/life at any point beforehand, just assumed I'd be available)
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>start dating very attractive guy
>first person I've dated in two years
>we're not fucking yet and probably won't be for a few months (on a waiting list to get copper IUD because public health care and I won't fuck without protection) but share some of our kinks because both of us are okay with talking about them
>mentions he's into ageplay
>that's a total turn off for me and I flat out say I could never participate in that
>he says that's fine but I'm still worried this will be a problem later
What do. We're also both super dominant and I'm concerned we won't be able to compromise on switching.
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Hey guys, its >>74213
again! I had the meeting with my ex today. It went really smooth and was never awkward. We ended up talking for like 3 hours even though it was just a lunch (mostly just talking about Drag Race and he talked a lot about himself. Usual.)
At the end of the brunch he said "I do this thing with another friend where we meet up every once in a while for brunch like this, do you wanna do that?"
It was SO painful to see him. A lot of moments during the meeting we'd laugh just like old times and the pain of it was unbearable. What do you think he's doing by wanting to keep meeting up? How does he not feel the same pain I do?! In person I said yes to this because of the whole point of the meeting as mentioned in my last post and didn't want to scare him. If he does actually message to meet again, what should I say?
I've been single for about 5 months now, I have had some casual sex with a friend, but nothing more. 5 months ago, my boyfriend of a year and a few months broke up with me. We didn't have a very smooth relationship, but it was very loving & genuine. We broke up on good terms, but we haven't spoken ever since. I was close to his friends and his family.
2 weeks ago, the new semester started in school, and a new student got quite close to my group of friends, and to me. I noticed he was quite interested in me, I went along, we're pretty close friends right now and there's quite a lot of physical contact between us. Everything was well, until yesterday.
Yesterday morning, I ran into my ex's best friend K at the train station. At first, I wanted to avoid him, I didn't want to get into an awkward situation. But the opposite happened; K approached me enthusiastically. We travelled to school (he goes to school in the same city as I do) together. I asked about his friends, how they were doing, but he only talked about girls he used to like, and that he's still single after a long time. I asked about his friends again, but he didn't mention my ex.
I left for school, and when I took the train home after a few drinks after school, we ran into each other again (we live in the same neighbourhood, about 5 minutes away from each other). K was tipsy as well, we walked home together, almost holding hands, hugging a lot, you know the drill. We stopped near his house to say goodbye, we hugged twice, and K expressed how much he missed me and he told me three times how glad he was to see me again. He wanted to stay in touch.
I was amazed. It felt like a dream. I always thought K was an attractive guy, but I could've never imagined this to happen. Obviously because he's the best friend of my ex, it always felt like it'd be impossible.
I'm torn. I don't want to hurt my classmate, but K is a dream.. On the other hand: my ex is probably still in the way. I don't think he'd like to see K and I dating or anything.
Is there something wrong with me? No idea. I'm sorry if my English is bad, it isn't my first language.
These things can take time so unfortunately nobody can give you an exact answer
You could look into cbt techniques online. For example the mental language we use in our own minds greatly impacts on how we feel, whenever you think something harsh about yourself, like calling yourself a mean name, just try and notice it. You don't have to correct yourself or tell yourself off for being mean to yourself but just notice it.
Nobody ever wants to hear it, but the best thing you can do to support your mental health is to eat a balanced diet and get some regular exercise. Make a written schedule, don't get mad at yourself if you don't stick to it because you have all the time in the world, but do your best.
Do you still have friends, work or live with family that you care about? Even if you don't feel like being social, regularly seeing people is really beneficial for not falling into a dark hole. Even if it's seeing someone for coffee once a month, working alongside a coworker you don't hate or attending a weekly group/class, it's helpful. Being around other people can help remind you of who you are, even if the person who you are is actually an introvert that wants to be alone.
Finally, just ask us for help. You don't need to sage, you're just as valid as everyone else
Maybe he's afraid of hurting you even if you both know it's just down.
But then again, I'd get tested just in case Anon. I don't like the idea of meeting folks on Tinder then lying about it.
Maybe it's just the paranoia within me however
Thank you Anons, I wasn't sure if I had to sage here too or not
Honestly I don't have any friends and haven't in a long time nor do I have any family to really contact, but I'll def try looking into journaling and CBT. I'm a pretty healthy eater but I could get some more exercise in too.
Thank you both, from the bottom of my heart.
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My current partner suffered anorexia and was a gymnast when younger
I look at his body with envy because of how fit he is.
Like we have PT sessions 4 times a week and he gets praised all the time on his legs and form.
I feel like a tub of lard compared to him and is destroying my sex life to the point I’m unable to have sex with him without the lights off.
He even put on a bit of weight whilst dating me and I feel so guilty
Adding to this
He has the ~twink~ look and gets hit on constantly by gay guys.
I don’t think he will ever cheat on me but I had to deal with feeling so inferior and sad about my looks compared to him.
Thanks guys. I already got tested once during our fwb relationship (I’m paranoid too) and was clean but I’ll definitely get checked out again.
I’ve calmed down mostly and can see his reasons for lying but I think our friendship has been affected. The lying is making me uncomfortable so I’ve decided to not be sexual with him anymore. I’m telling him that when we hang out tomorrow. I’m worried he’ll take it the wrong way if I explain why and he’ll think that I have feelings for him so I’m not sure I’ll bother explaining
He knew what your body was like long before you ever took clothes off in front of him. He loves your body or else he wouldn't be there.
Usually thin people like larger people, and larger like thinner. Do you know how much better sex feels when one of the members is softer? Especially as a female, if you're a bit heavier and the guy's going from behind and he's a bit thinner, it feels amazing. If you were both thin or the same weight sex won't feel half as good. Everything that you hate about your body is actively what makes the sex feel good!
I'm a squishy couch potato dating a hot ripped guy. He thinks guys look best fit but women look best soft and actually adores my chubby tummy.
Maybe your bf put on weight dating you as he finally feels comfortable? You should ask him about all this.
My bf is really weird.
He's heavy into twitch shit and vidya (I mean I consume a fair bit of it too but within reason), and we're part of several discord servers together. He's really active in one of them. IRL he's really introverted, spends a lot of time alone, likes his privacy etc.
Through one of our common servers I discovered a streamer whose community I really liked, so I joined his discord one morning, knowing that he used to actively watch the guy but not thinking much of it because we're already together in a few others. A few hours later, he noticed it and left it.
I found that extremely strange since he used to be super active in the streams and discord. I asked him if it was because of me, he said he's not the boss of me and I can join any server I want. I called him because that didn't make any sense to me and he said how he feels awkward with me seeing everything he types and how he didn't want me to take issue with anything he says in the server, how he wants to keep his online life and private life separate etc.
I looked up his post history because that sounded super fishy to me and everything was sound, but when I asked him if it was because he wanted to flirt with the girls in the server he said no, they already know he has a gf.
I found no such posts, and I looked from the time we met to when he was last active. He used to post pictures in that server and playfully flirt with some of the female members and even asked one of them for a pint "and maybe more if she was up to it", but that was like 2 years ago. Since he met me his posts really tamed down but that doesn't change the fact that he lied to me about telling those girls he had a gf.
I'm extremely conflicted. Everything he's been saying so far had checked out (I spent 2 months at his place and paid VERY close attention), but sometimes he lies to me about smaller things like that and acts very strange yet throws a tantrum every time I tell him I don't trust him fully.
Sorry for the novel btw.
Forget the rest of the post, why are you dating a manchild who throws tantrums when he in questioned?
Find yourself a real man, not a child.
I’m not usually one to screech dump him!!!!.
But if a large part of his life is being alone and flirting behind your back do you actually want to stay?
What do you think will happen when you guys are married or even more seriously dating?
I think anon means “I’m not the boss of you” as the tantrum.
An actual adult in a committed relationship wouldn’t say that
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MASSIVE RED FLAG
I've never actually seen him flirt behind my back, and I've snooped through his messages and stuff quite a bit. It's just the secretiveness that's sus as fuck. But evidently he doesn't exactly let himself be easily trusted and i can't and won't sit around to try and fix that.
Next time I see him I'll probably break up with him, I love him a lot but he's otherwise kinda emotionally constipated and only communicates through playful teasing which I'm getting sick of.
Anon you are dating a man child.
You deserve better.
A lot better.
Eh it's possible. But he's already done it once before, he has this Korean friend whom he's known for years (apparently she draws some stuff for the same discord community) and messages her over steam every once in a blue moon. Steam keeps your previous conversation along with the most recent stuff you've written but nothing beyond that, and one week I saw him message her and got suspicious. The next week I went over to his and asked him about her. He said she's a friend he's had for years and that he's told her that he is seeing someone. I checked the steam messages and it had the old ones from the previous week that I saw, some new ones that were just mindless chatter but nothing in between that and no mention of me anywhere.
I told him about it and he said "I don't know what happened with steam but I did tell her".
I have a hard time believing this.
You seem to be looking for an excuse to dump. Do you just not like him?
>I've never actually seen him flirt behind my back, and I've snooped through his messages and stuff quite a bit. It's just the secretiveness that's sus as fuck
This sounds really controlling. There's a good chance you're getting funny answers about steam because people tend to make mistakes when pressured in person, even when they are telling the truth.
I'm not looking for an excuse to dump him at all, we're different enough personality-wise that it's excuse enough for me.
I just don't like being lied to and having things hidden from me. I would show him every conversation I ever had if he asked me to, I'd reassure him whenever he felt bad about anything I could've possibly done. I just ask for the same in return.
>>74756>I just don't like being lied to and having things hidden from me. I would show him every conversation I ever had if he asked me to, I'd reassure him whenever he felt bad about anything I could've possibly done. I just ask for the same in return
You should probably just dump then. That's way too much to ask from another person. You're softening the statement with that "I would do the same for him" bit, but the main issue here is that you feel entitled to everything he says online. >>74758
Why would you want an admin to delete those messages anyway? Doesn't he deserve to stumble across them and read them? Or does he not know what you post here?
Because I like to keep my personal life off the internet, which is why I asked for advice on an anonymous imageboard? Discord is a different beast altogether and the people in the server in question have met up irl in the past, he uses imageboards too but I don't care about that because he hasn't lied to me about it.
And don't worry, I already said I'm dumping him like 3 posts ago. Jesus.
I'm in a relationship but rekindled a friendship with the first guy I ever had a serious crush on as a teen (didn't work out, never got to a relationship stage), and after a year of talking I ended up crushing on my old crush again. At some points he seemed to feel the same but knew I was taken so eventually he moved on and found a new girl for himself. I couldn't stand him gushing about his crush so I flat out told him that we should stop talking to each other as I can't be just friends with him. He said it's fine if that's what I want to do, so I deleted his number.
Now I feel so guilty about the whole thing, like I cheated on my current boyfriend even though nothing happened between me and my crush. It's not like I can help my feelings, either. I feel like I did the right thing by breaking our friendship off, but now I feel really heartbroken and lonely, and am kind of regretting it tbh. My crush and I used to talk every single day and it makes me so anxious thinking about him not being in my life anymore. I still love my boyfriend and being with him is great, but he works in another city so he's away most of the week which leaves me more time to think about my crush. The crazy thing is, I know my crush wouldn't be anywhere near as good to me as my boyfriend is, but he's still the first guy that I ever felt anything real towards and because nothing ever happened between us, I'm still wondering "what if".
If any of you farmers have any advice as to how to get my head right and stop thinking about him, I'm all ears. We share a lot of friends so I can't talk about this to anyone I know irl. Talk some sense into me, please.
It's really minor, but when we started dating my boyfriend mentionned he got hit on by a guy once and kinda went with it for a little moment before chickening out, and being curious about how gay guys fuck.
He's really great as a bf and he's not into guys. But him talking about his curiosity led to me pegging him, he loves it and we do it as often as we can.
If what intested him about guys was the possibility of getting his prostate milked then you should be able to take care of it as well as any dude lol.
If you had both definitely agreed to meet up, then yes, you're fully within your right to be annoyed with him. However, if it was just assumed… I dunno.
I know the feeling though. My ex used to plan things with me then he'd 'forget' and go to gigs in the next city over without telling me, leaving me to sit in my car for hours thinking something was wrong.
Talk to him about it, don't bottle it up!
I wouldn’t really call myself and my bf a “successful couple” but we’ve been through the same thing and maybe you can learn from our mistakes. Your age gap is
somewhat big but I don’t think it should be an issue as you’re of legal age and as you get older it’ll become less important. I think you should do two things as a couple. Firstly, maybe have a “break” (not necessarily break up as this is what caused the problem, but cut down on contact if you can) so you can both think about your relationship and begin to work through your feelings. It sounds scary but you should take a step back from each other so you can really think about what you mean to each other and where this relationship is going. Secondly (and I wish someone had told me this!), make it clear to him that he can’t break up with you again and not mean it. He hurt you a lot and it sounds like your trust in him is damaged, and you don’t want to go through that again. Explain to him how much it hurt you and that he should only ever do it if he has carefully thought it over and decided that’s what he wants - not a decision he’ll regret and try to reverse hours later. It’s okay for this to happen once, but only once because otherwise he could start to see it as an appropriate response to relationship issues, which it is clearly not.
Sorry for the wall of text. I hope it works out but remember to take care of yourself first and foremost
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So, i will take a deep breath and treat this thing that i am writing like my best friend. I early apologise my poor english and mistakes on text.
I'm a girl, i have 18 years old, i'm doing a language curse at uni, and I am living with my boyfriend in a different state of my country. I'm OK with my course, but my life really sucks. I was sexually abused when i was a child, and i think it messed up with my head. I always thinking that i'm worthless, crazy, stupid and have no talent. I'm sure i think like that because i suffer bulying in high school and other things. But i'm trying to be more positive, trying to be a better person and trying to love myself.
The problem is: I'm not happy with my boyfrien. We started dating from internet when i was like 14, then que broke up, and get together again. We only see each other in this time one time a month. After i finished my high school, I went on a trip with my mom, he doesen't like that idea AT ALL and almost break up with me, he alwas as been a jealus and controlling over me and my life. Always think i chated him and hings like that. He doesen't like that I have friends even tought tey are few (I have no friends that are men), but they are Black and some are feminists.
Well, we are living together right now, i've tried to break up with him las year bute he got ABSOLUTELY CRAZY OVER ME, saying that was wrong, punching the walls. He reads my conversations with my friends, wants to know my passwords and don't let me get a facebook or a discord even trouth HE HAS HIMSELF. He claims that he only have facebook to sell his stupid yugioh cards.
He is on chans and all that stuff, and you know that in these places woman are disrespected. In the begnning of our relanshionship he was more kind, cute and respectful to me.
I'm depressed, he always says that wnats to know when i'm feeling down but if I tell to him he just give me a weak hug and go back playing league of legends. I'm so tired of it, i wnat someone who really cares for and i feel he is dating me just beacause my mom pay our rent and for convenience.
He tells me that he never would e with me if he doesen't like me. I don't fucking know men, i feel sometimes that he loves me but another time i just feel that he telling me that just for saying. I'm gooing crasy. I feel like i'm dying inside and i will never be happy in this situation. I'm afraid of telling him things i don't like, i'm afraid to dissapoint him but at the same time i wish this all work out and we could be happy.
I'm afraid to break u´p, i'm afraid of everything. I just want to cry and go back in my moms house.
This month he just spend the money we don't have in a fucking PS3 that he fucked up trying to crack the thing. I'm so upset. I feel that he is not resposible and at the same time he made me feel like HE IS THE ONE who have reason and are right in everething. He is into nazi shit too even torutgh he is HALF BLACK.
i'm going crazy. I just want to runaway. I want him to break up with me.
Sorry for such long and awful text, my english is terrible.
He’s an asshole, you’re not worthless anon. You’re worth just as much as every other person you have ever met. He sounds like a controlling, manipulative bucket of scrotal rumours and you deserve better.
If staying with him is making it harder to realise that you are inherently worthwhile and valuable as a person, and to remember that your needs are important and should be met, it’s probably time to go. You need to be able to find some self esteem and he’s not helping, he’s hindering it.
You deserve to feel okay and to know you’re worth something.
Tbh it sounds like you may have a depressive disorder, and a lot of unprocessed trauma. (That’s honestly par for the course for CSA survivors, nothing to feel bad about) and from what I’ve read your self esteems sounds like it’s about forty feet underground.
If it’s possible, get to a doctor or psychiatrist who can get you some support. You’re not a bad or lesser person for needing support, we all need it for things. You deserve to get what you need to live and be well.
It’s gonna hurt to leave him but your worth doesn’t stem from his satisfaction with you. You don’t owe him a miserable life so he gets what he wants.
yeah, we did agree to meet up at a certain time :( he fell asleep all that night so i just texted him telling how i felt upset we didnt meet up all day because i was looking forward to it. he ended up ignoring the text completely. i then texted him again asking if he had read it, and he just said yea. so we argued a bit because i felt as if he didnt care that i was hurt, and then he told me he honestly didn't care for the anniversary, which yeah i guess the concept is dumb but he knew i cared a lot about it. then when i told him that i was upset that he said he didn't care, he told me "oh well, sorry i have other things to care about right now" and yeah… we hung out for valentines day today but just walked around the mall and he didnt kiss me at all or even really wanted to hold my hand. we saw one of his friends who asked us what we were doing, and he said "going out to dinner" which we weren't doing at all.. lol.
not sure what i should do. it seems like whenever i tell him how i feel now he just brushes it off and doesn't care for it. i feel stupid because i moved countries to be closer to my bf. and now this is how im getting treated. i feel like sometimes i do overreact, but in my past relationship i was abused and he knows this yet fails to acknowledge that all of what happened to me contributes to my responses. i want to break up sometimes because it really feels like i cannot get through to him how he makes me feel and he seems as if he has no intention in changing anything for me. what should i do?
Serious question: how and why is he still your boyfriend? If he didn’t care about the anniversary that’s whatever, but he should at least give a fuck that you
cared about it and maybe at least been a little affectionate on Valentines Day of all days. I say sit him down and talk to him, tell him you feel like he doesn’t care about you (if that’s how you feel). Because tbqh it sounds like he kinda doesn’t, and if not then why be with him?
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I've got one for you
I'm absolutely heartbroken
My boyfriend of over a year broke up, aggressively and abusively, and over his own issues.
In our relationship he was a liar, then the lies stopped but he became quite abusive. Between this though, he was lovely and made me feel loved. He said he'd always be here. As soon as I lost a family member, he wasn't here for me at all.
He broke up calling me names and storming off, his friends say he still loves me but he refuses to accept that he was the reason for all our problems
meanwhile I miss him despite him being a jerk and am once again scared to trust men. I'm 24 and live by myself and my flat is full of his stuff.
I wish he'd consider if he changed his behaviour we'd be happy but clearly he won't. I can't force myself to move on and hate him and I am lonely. Also most guys around here are thirsty and I hate them so again, I can't see myself trusting a man to date me ever again and I'm busy wishing the fucker would come back and actually change instead of be a coward and try to blame me for it.
He told me I was very special to him and would be here, but so much for that.
Nyart but I’m going through a similar situation and you need the remember that even if you have been through a lot and he used to be kind, that doesn’t change the fact he treated you so badly. If he truly cared he would have been there for you when you lost a family member, he wouldn’t have lied and he wouldn’t have abused you. He’s unlikely to change if he can’t even see that he was wrong.
It’ll be really painful but you do need to move on for him. Forget about trusting another man or whatever, just focus on healing and loving yourself now. I know it’s easy to ruminate and obsess, but you can turn that into something useful. Do some research on relationship abuse, learn about it and read other people’s stories. Understanding your situation more should help. For something less intense, I like to write and listen to angry break up songs
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>dating bf for 7 months
>unsure of his feelings
>finally ask and bf says he "respects me, wants me to be happy, and cares about me"
>tell him I love him
>says he doesn't believe in that word but he is my "biggest fan"
I think I want to take a break. I'm really hurt. And I can't even imagine having sex with him right now. I just don't know if saying so would be the nail in the coffin. And I don't know if I want that yet. I just want space right now.
>mfw bf is my biggest fan
F U C K T H A T
dump him anon
hard and fast
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He's not your boyfriend lmao, he's a fuckboy supreme.
How did you not realise this earlier??
This meme is your boyfriend lmao.
Biggest fan, my sides.
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How do you guys feel about your boyfriends looking at porn? I recently accidentally found my boyfriend's porn account, tried to hide that I was upset, and then he kept pushing to know why I was upset, and told him what I found. I don't know why it bothered me so much? I know guys look at porn. It just struck a cord because I have been sending him nudes and stuff and he never gives a reaction to them anymore. Also the girls he looks at look nothing like me. He also tried to lie and say he didn't even know he followed those accounts. I know it shouldn't bother me but I can't help it.
it bothers me too anon. one time i was too tired to have sex and was woken up about an hour later to my boyfriend jacking it to porn. i actually watched a little bit to see what he was into, and it was mostly just butt holes. no kidding, there didn't need to be a face or anything else. only butt play. sometimes he would open up another page and look at a picture of like mckayla maroney or angie varona but it was literally for like a half second before he went back to butt holes. like… hundreds of short clips of butt holes strung together. that's when i was like, "ok hey i'm awake."
he immediately came over and tried cuddling + having sex with me, but i was like, "nahh." i did tell him i was bothered by him obsessing over those two girls, and it made me feel gross. then we talked about it and he apologized.
so honestly that memory helps me feel less bothered just because it's like… the most impersonal thing imaginable. lol. a variety of buttholes? really? and honestly i'd rather he get his butthole fix from the computer than me because i'm not about that.
men are so gross. w/e.
the point is that the way they think about sex is very different from the way we think about sex. it's like, women's bodies are exciting to them in the same way that cars are. no shit, same part of the brain gets activated. they're just objects to them.
now one thing you might want to make clear to him is that you don't want to know or see that stuff. and you want to be treated differently than what he sees in porn. that way he's being respectful of the time he shares with you and keeping it sacred. out of sight out of mind works pretty well in this instance. especially if he spends a significant amount of time around you.
also, have a conversation about his porn watching habits. for some men it's really excessive and it actually gets in the way of them being productive. so if that's him it's gonna be a problem, and i would leave.
but it's not very likely that you'll find a young guy who doesn't watch porn at all, unfortunately. they're out there, don't get me wrong. it's just uncommon.
Thanks, anons. Before we started dating he did follow a lot of "insta baddies" type of accounts but when we did start to date he told me that he unfollowed them and wouldn't like any photos of girls out of respect for me (?? Which is pretty weird because I definitely wouldn't get mad at him liking photos of girls, which I told him after he said that). I think I would be alright if I knew he watched porn if he didn't lie about it and it wasn't so obsessive. Another thing is, when we first started dating I said "what if i watched porn" and he got really upset and was like "No you can't". So why is it alright for him to do this and not me? I also noticed that when I brought it up to him he first said "What? Do you think I'm cheating? You really think I would do that?" before I even said what I saw. It kind of worries me because I never even brought up him cheating… so.
How do I bring it up to him without angering him? He seemed pretty mad after I brought up the account. My main issue are two things: 1.) Why would he need that account when I can send him nudes? I feel like he ignores my sexual advances sometimes and just brushes it off. And finding this account just kind of showed me he's probably getting his rocks off there.
2.) Why did he have to lie to me?
Especially with >>75238
, how did you talk to your boyfriend about it? Has it ever come up again? My boyfriend didn't apologize at all and seemed kind of upset at me.
honestly i hate it but it's more about the type of porn straight men watch. i rarely watch it myself but when i do it's gay or lesbian. the former because i'm into men's bodies (irl cock is kinda gross looking to me so i just look at fanart or yaoi tbh) and the latter because it's similar to my own anatomy. i would be okay if my bf did the same.
but no. porn for straight men is entirely focused on the girl. i don't really want my boyfriend to getting off to someone else getting fucked. i was almost brainwashed into being okay with it because men on the internet kept insisting i had to be and that it was normal, but you know what, fuck off it's not. i bet these men would definitely not be okay with their girlfriends watching porn that was focused on the pleasure of other handsome dudes instead.
i thought my boyfriend had stopped looking at porn since we dated, but i found out he went to the r/gonewild of my ethnicity. it was kind of flattering because i know he started looking at it because of me, but it made me insecure about my own body. the fact that the whole thrill of gonewild is that it seems like nudes sent to you personally also bothered the fuck out of me. the whole thing just hit too close to issues we had in the past and i asked him to stop.
part of me just hates men now.
>>75243>how did you talk to your boyfriend about it? Has it ever come up again? My boyfriend didn't apologize at all and seemed kind of upset at me.
basically i told him that if he is with me and he is looking at other women, this feels bad. because at that point he is choosing to spend time looking at women who can't talk to him or touch him rather than seeking other forms of intimacy with me. instead of lying down and napping with me or having some conversation, he decided to start wait until i passed out so that he could look at other women. it says something about what his priorities are (satisfying himself over enjoying my company.)
you have to be very careful about how you talk to men about this. instead of accusing them of anything, you need to show them what you are feeling. it's very hard not to get angry, but keep in mind he has probably been doing this from a young age. i mean as young as 8 or 10 even. it's habit at this point.
think about why it makes you feel bad. does it make you insecure? does it make you feel unimportant? is it at odds with your morals? and talk about it that way instead. seriously explain it like you're explaining it to a 5 year old, they do not fill in the blanks on their own.
something similar but different has come up with us where i saw him looking at pictures of other women on snapchat (in the vein of instagram baddies, he didn't know them personally) who were basically just making softcore porn of themselves. posing in panties and stuff. i told him after seeing that, that i was worried when he pulled his phone out that he was looking at pictures of other women while we were together. which made me feel inadequate. like my appearance isn't enough to capture his interest.
don't be afraid of looking insecure, imo. if he says you're acting insecure, own up to it. say that his behavior is what is making you feel that way. because most women would feel bad in that position. i asked my bf if there is something i can do more to please him sexually or if he has some desire, to come to me. it might not be something i share an interest in, but it is important to me that he finds me desirable.
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i'm breaking up with my boyfriend of 8 years soon. i'm so nervous but it needs to be done.
how the fuck do you break up with someone?? i've literally never done it before. we're each other's first everything.
I'm becoming torn between the choice of 2 guys and I don't know what to do.
I'm not committed and haven't been committed to either of them, which should make me feel free but it doesn't, somehow it's harder because both seem "right".
I'm 23 and I've never been in a relationship before and the driving reason is that I don't view guys as romantic potential easily, and I am a big self-saboteur. I have consistently looked for excuses to not pursue relationships, so I am looking for advice on my current situation from anons with more experience than me (which is…0).
Enter guy 1, let's call him Mike. A mutual friend introduced us (not in a setup way) and immediately I found him to be so sweet, genuine, very interesting and accomplished…but he's 33. So, there is a large age difference which doesn't bother me in the sense that we have a lot of common interests and can have long conversations with ease, but I do worry about what he would want a few years down the line. Although, that seems like I am overthinking and using his age as an excuse? His age is literally the only possible negative about him. I've seen so far.
We started dating a few weeks ago. Every date has gone wonderfully, I really like his company and I know he is starting to fall for me because he flatly told me so (he's very honest, another trait I'm fond of). So all should be great if not for…
Guy 2, let's go with John. Our team at work recently hired a new guy, John, about 5 weeks ago. I was actually assigned to be his "buddy" aka the person who answers any workplace questions. This is probably why we've become quite close…and we are very alike in terms of personality. He's a very "classic" London boy; he's blunt, charismatic and painfully funny. He's also my age and…I find him very attractive. He even has a gruff voice, it's lovely. In a lot of ways he would be a much simpler choice, if not for the fact that we work together. He recently asked me out on a date…I froze and didn't accept, but I did manage to buy myself some time to consider it.
I've been thinking of them both lately, I really don't know what to do. If I go with Mike over John, I have to deal with the fact that I still see John everyday, and so how do you stop a crush from developing further? Do I just hope that my feelings for Mike will become stronger overtime and my feelings for John will fade? What if they don't and I end up hurting Mike worse later down the line? But if I go with John over Mike, I know I'll be hurting Mike a lot with the rejection, and that thought upsets me a lot.
I hate this, I feel like a bitch by not committing to either choice. I just want to be with somebody for the first time, how the fuck is it fair that I go years without anybody peaking my interest and actually be available, then suddenly 2 guys come along at once!?
Has anybody made this kind of decision before? How do you choose? How can I ensure I don't look back and think "what would have happened". HELP.
Why are you guys breaking up? Did something happen? >>75332>>75334
I know majority of guys are looking at porn, how do we even begin to touch such issue when he'd most probably choose porn over his gf and just find next one who's more acceptable of it?
Well, you haven't even been on a date with John yet so I don't really see him as an option to be honest. Also, relationships in the workplace can be hard to maintain and if something goes wrong, you'd still be stuck seeing him everyday. I would just avoid dating someone from your work altogether.
You've actually been on dates with Mike and you seem to get along well and he's clearly interested. Do you know what John wants? He might just want to hook up and is not interested in a serious relationship.
Age gaps can work but can also suck, especially if it's that much. The biggest issue in my experience is that you're in very different parts of your life–his friends are probably buying (or having) houses, considering children etc. whereas you're at the starting point of all of that.
I hope that helps. >>75332
Do you guys really think that porn is such a big deal? I wouldn't want my partner to look at porn while I'm sleeping but my partner usually does when I travel and we send each other clips or pictures we like. I think it's pretty normal, we're very open about it and he never really watches it unless I'm on a trip or we want to watch something together.
I think with the porn bit it's that excessive use like the Anon upthread where he was watching weird stuff for ages after she declined sex. Also watching something she doesn't do while next to her/she can see which is …hmm.
Every situation is different, but i think most girls have issue when there's excessive use while you're home as it's kinda? Why am I here? And then they begin to question what he's watching/if the girls are different from themselves. It just causes a problem which isn't necessary. What you wrote sounds fine to me.
i genuinely don't care because he doesn't do it excessively and i don't always only think about him when i masturbate myself.
it would be kind of hypocritical for me to expect a partner to never think of anyone else when they masturbate ever gain but it's ok for me to?
There are so many things wrong with porn… Just setting aside the fact that the porn industry is closely tied to the sex trafficking industry, I’ve experienced a lot of undesirable side effects from my 10 years of watching porn. It ruined my sexual tastes and nudged me into becoming a person I didn’t want to be. It also negatively impacted my libido.
I know what porn is really about from experience. I don’t think I could be with someone who habitually uses it.
This is so true.
I'm in a newish relationship with a guy who was a virgin and we couldn't have sex for the first 5 months because his dick is fucking broke from all the porn and chronic masturbation.
He stopped watching porn and masturbating and now we finally have a sex life.
All the routine masturbation several times a day made him see that sort of intimacy as more mechanical than special and emotional.
Porn and extreme chronic masturbation are not healthy for relationships or for teens who are just beginning to sexually develop.
Like you said, he has a gambling problem. It's more like an addiction and nothing that you say will likely change anything unless he wants to get better.
I can recommend you reading threads from users with similar experiences, relationship advice on reddit can be good https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/7y3ojp/my_boyfriend_23m_is_addicted_to_gambling_and_we/
or some dedicated forums https://www.gamblersanonymous.org.uk/Forum/showthread.php?tid=3877
From what little I know it seems like it would be better for you to leave. I hope you don't have a shared bank account.
Did she know you were a virgin and was it clear it was just a hookup to you/she made it clear?
The solution is unfortunately to find someone else to think about even if is an obscure or faraway crush, probably better than a irl person for obvious reasons
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I dunno if I have too high of expectations or if I'm in love with the idea of being in love. I let my guard down and was kinda being insecure to bf when I should have kept it in check.
I was saying that I wanted him to keep being romantic and affectionate with me. Not that he wasn't before, but I thrive off of just being in a way just being doted over.
So he told me it shouldn't be forced and it might sound like a job otherwise for it not to be natural. And then I knew I sounded too needy. I was worried I guess it might slide off over time especially since the relationship is still newish.
Do you want to date him? If not, keep it casual. If so, tell him you do and see what he says. This “what should I do?” while not knowing isn’t gonna help you out, if he’s as into you as he seems to be maybe you’ll get a BF out of it. But from my experience, sometimes guys do
actually want to date you, they just have this idea that you went into it under he mutual assumption it was casual and he doesn’t want to overstep the boundary.
Literally the only way to avoid this situation is to be honest about what you want from each other before
you have sex.
uhh please don't let men "rational speak" to you like this. it's emotional tone-deafness. if you need physical affection or sweet words to feel loved. that's not needy, that's just A NEED in a relationship.
besides if you're insecure in a relationship, it's probably at least partially
on him. the whole "being insecure is an unattractive trait" thing is some bullshit magazines like cosmo push. probably a man came up with is because he didn't feel like actually dealing with another person's feelings.
if you feel insecure, you should express it and come prepared with ideas on how to resolve the issue.
you indicated your needs. he was dismissive of them. i say bring it up again, and make sure he knows that they are real needs. ask if there is something that you could do to make him more "naturally" affectionate towards you. if he doesn't have an answer, then you should tell him you need him to figure it out. because if he doesn't, you're not going to be happy in this relationship.
you sound really needy and annoying. this is a new relationship she's in, she also said he is affectionate, so your hateful attitude is completely unnecessary. if anon and her bf aren't on the same wavelength then it's neither of their fault, they might just not be compatible. atleast he's being honest, a lot of people in general would have that reaction. also your rant is really incoherent. cosmo pushing 'insecurity is a turn off?' well no shit it's not a good trait. insecurity in anyone is a relationship ruiner because it causes paranoia, stress and overreactions. >>75517
is he being affectionate enough with you or are you needing more? if you need more, maybe break it off and find someone willing and happy to give you more otherwise find a happy medium maybe. how new is the relationship? he could have just been caught off guard. you could try asking him why he thinks it would seem forced. people are super selfish, especially at the beginning of a relationship.
Lol wow ok. Don’t let this anon’s unwarranted personal attacks on me stop you from sticking up for yourself. The hostility is kinda weird but w/e my point is essentially the same as theirs.
It’s not unreasonable to ask for more affection. It’s not a difficult thing to give to make someone you care about happy, either. Rather than allowing his unreceptive response to generate negative feelings within yourself, understand it’s a need and a perfectly okay desire to express. The healthy way of dealing with insecurity is to talk about it with your partner. Not to internalize it and best yourself up over it.
If it is something he’s unwilling to do then you should find a more compatible partner like the other anon said.
It’s not man-hate to point out that men have a tendency to attempt rationalizing things from their own perspective rather than extending empathy.
Because there’s this idea that emotions are weak and irrational rather than informative and useful (which is the part I’m actually directing hate towards, and it does make me mad) people become ashamed and afraid to express their needs.
Anyway this is way OT but to actually tie it into the advice thread, it’s important to acknowledge that everyone has short comings in a relationship and this is a common one for men. It’s common for young women especially to feel bad rather than valuing their feelings, standing up for themselves and asking their partner to do the same.
As OP of the post, it was blown out of proportion with some of the replies.
Especially since my needs were being met.
Thanks guys… think I'm going to ask if he wants to hang out this Friday and talk about it in person as we discussed this over text (stupid lol but keep in mind we're college students and young) and I feel like my point didn't get across. I think I"m okay with just being FWB, just confused as to why he acted super into me (so much so that it kind of freaked me out) when he doesn't wanna date.
I'm just afraid I came across as a little crazy the last time we texted, mostly because I was confused as to what exactly he was saying (didn't want to see me again at all, wanted to keep hanging out but keep it casual, take it slower etc.) does anyone have any tips on what to say when I text him again??? Sorry for the short essay
Is there some way you could communicate with less effort, like both be on webcam at the same time just chilling out, like livestream each other rather than necessarily chatting.
He's probably mentally exhausted from studying and you both need something that's less effort. Sometimes even texting is effort when you're exhausted
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okay guys, i've been with my bf for about 4 years now. i'm 25 and he's 28 and it's my first relationship. he was my first everything, basically. i really do love him and i think he's a good person in spite of everything i'm about to say. he's never abused me or anything but i'm starting to get uneasy about some stuff.
first off, we live together and my bf flat out refuses to help me out with any of the housework. i do all of the cleaning, cooking and laundry. he's also not appreciative of any of this and basically just expects me to continue doing it. i also never agreed to this arrangement and only do so because he just won't help me and someone has to take care of these things. i've asked so many times for help and he always has some excuse or just tells me to stop nagging him because he's busy (usually playing vidya). it's like he knows that i'll eventually pick up the slack because it bothers me when things are messy or disorganized, so he just throws his clothes and trash everywhere and leaves dirty dishes everywhere for me to eventually pick up and clean. like, i'm lucky if he even leaves his dishes anywhere near the sink, much less IN the fucking sink. there are really specific things he does that drive me crazy like after i've JUST cleaned the kitchen or living room, he comes home and immediately makes a big fucking mess of everything. i've asked him so many times to please try and be a little more conscientious but he just laughs at me and tells me to stop being so dramatic. if i get really upset about it, he tells me i'm a nag and don't appreciate the fact that he's paying most of our rent, which we're splitting 30/70 because he makes more money than me and i recently went back to school. thing is, i'm technically putting in more work than he is since i also work 15 hours a week on top of taking a full class load, and i'm STILL expected to be the sole person taking care of all of the housework in addition to this.
second, i'm starting to think he's addicted to video games. he plays roughly 4-6 hours a night on weekdays after he gets home from work and i'd estimate anywhere from 10-12 hours on weekends. he plays so much that his eyes are bloodshot when he comes to bed and he's super tired pretty much 24/7 from not getting enough sleep. i think he's forgoing other things so that he can play longer, like hanging out with his friends and family, going out with me and even showering. his hygiene has been an issue for most of our relationship. like to the point that i can't give him head sometimes because he smells so bad down there. the frustrating thing is that he'll straight up lie to me about the last time he's showered if i mention his body odor. like he'll claim he just showered an hour ago and that i'm being paranoid even though i've been in the next room all day and never heard the water run. i'm also not really allowed to talk about his gaming habit, because he gets super defensive and it kind of scares me. he usually says it's a topic that isn't up for discussion, or that i don't get gaming because i don't play myself, therefore i don't know what i'm talking about and have no right to accuse him of having a problem.
it feels like i can't communicate with my bf about anything. he just gets defensive and passive-aggressive, or he'll brush it off and tell me i'm overreacting and suffocating him. i can't remember a single time we've had a conversation about any issues in the relationship where he actually took any responsibility instead of blaming everything on me. i always just end up apologizing for being a bitch even though i don't really know if that's fair. i can get so frustrated that i end up shouting at him sometimes, but he makes me feel so fucking neglected. it really breaks my heart that he doesn't respect me enough to take me out on dates anymore so he can game longer, or even shower regularly like a normal human being so i don't have to be subjected to his nasty week-old ball sweat.
tl;dr: my bf is a bit of a manchild, expects me to clean up after him and cook for him all the time, plays vidya 24/7, basically won't spend any time with me and won't shower. this is all bothering me to the point of feeling neglected and depressed, however he doesn't seem to believe he's doing anything wrong and it's all me so maybe i really am just overreacting? this is my first relationship so maybe this is just guy stuff that i don't fully understand and just need to get used to?
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You're not his girlfriend, you're a mommy he can fuck
He won't change anon. Some guys are perfectly content to go to work, come home, play vidya, not bathe, and have their women do all the domestic work. It's easy for them. Their only responsibility at that point is to work and pay bills.
My bf is similar in that I do the majority of cooking and cleaning, but he does his own laundry and he'll do chores if I ask. Yet that's also because I work 40 hours a week and I'd be pissed as hell to have a slob partner who wouldn't help me completely. Domestic labor is just unpaid work with expectations, and it sucks to have to do all of it and pick up after someone else.
You're not overreacting, you're with a manchild who doesn't want to be an adult. Lay down the law.
Haven't even read the whole post yet, stopped at>4-6 hours of videogames on weekdays>10-12 hours on weekends
How does he even have the time? I had like 2 hours of energy a night when I was working full time. 4-6 hours! (oh yeah because he's a massive slob leaving dirty clothes and dishes all over the house and acting like you're the maid)(carries on reading)
and he doesn't sleep. He's addicted for sure
And doesn't fuckin' shower. I know this is typical advise on this board but dumphim. I think he could shower at the very frickin least out of all these things.
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> i do all of the cleaning, cooking and laundry. he's also not appreciative of any of this and basically just expects me to continue doing it.
He is not treating you like a partner, he is treating you like a maid, like a literal servant.
>. i've asked so many times for help and he always has some excuse or just tells me to stop nagging him because he's busy (usually playing vidya)
Not only he refuses helping to clean where he also lives, but he also does it because of completely manchild reason.
>like to the point that i can't give him head sometimes because he smells so bad down there. >it feels like i can't communicate with my bf about anything. he just gets defensive and passive-aggressive
These alone would be reasons to dump.
The conclusion: DUMP HIM. I don't know why you came here with this if you knew the answer already. Nothing that can be done, dear. Just look for somewhere else to live already and stay well.
That sounds like my first relationship. I always thought that I needed to keep him happy and desperately wanted to proof him that "I'm not like other girls". In hindsight, he was really just a neckbeard and 'nice guy' that didn't look like one and was saying things in a different way, but with the same meaning.
I know that it's hard to break up with someone when they're your first relationship and when you live with them. But, after giving my ex multiple chances, I realized that people like this won't change unless something drastic is happening.
I know that you don't have another relationship to compare this one to, anon, but please consider if you really want to waste your time with someone that doesn't seem to respect or appreciate you. What are you getting out of the relationship?
Please keep us updated!
To be fair I just said "lay down the law."
Means set up boundaries, accept him for who he is, or leave.
Pretty much the same advice people told me when my bf was acting the same, difference is when I threatened to leave my bf actually responded because he wants us to work. A man who won't will give zero fucks about ultimatums.
yep, that about sums up how i've felt for the past year or so. the sad thing is our relationship has pretty much always been this way but i didn't actually start to feel shitty about it until recently because he used to at least take me out on weekends and our sex life was pretty consistent. the hygiene issue really got bad after he started working more hours and tried to keep gaming as much as he always has. he's so fixated on gaming that it's basically all he does aside from work, sleep and occasionally visit his sister, who games just as much as he does >>75696
all of what you said is pretty on point. i'm afraid to break up with him because i don't really have anywhere to go and can't support myself financially. i think he knows that too which is part of why he resists change. a couple of weeks ago i got so fed up with him that i threatened to break up with him if he doesn't stop treating me like a servant and he threw the fact that he's paying most of our rent back in my face and told me i'm ungrateful. it's all the leverage he really has over me but it's a lot of leverage right now because rent is so high in our town and i don't really have any close friends out here i could crash with if things went tits up.>>75701
honestly i don't even know. my guess is his job isn't as demanding as he claims it is. he works in IT at a private school and has been there for years which i think is why his pay is so high. i know he has enough time to game at work too, based on some things his friends have dropped in conversation.>>75702
sadly you seem to be right. do you think counseling might be a good idea to suggest? i've brought it up before and he wasn't totally against the idea but said that he wouldn't help me pay for it because we're mostly dealing with my issues according to him.>>75706
ffs i'm crying typing all this up. you're so right about wanting to prove i'm a good girlfriend and can handle anything. i think i'm more focused on that sometimes than whether or not he deserves it. something you've said here has made me really think and realize that i have literally nothing to go off of that suggests he might change his behavior. if he doesn't respect me enough to even shower sometimes after i've made it clear to him that his smell bothers me i don't know what else i can do
>What are you getting out of the relationship?
right now mostly just financial support that i wouldn't be able to get anywhere else. we haven't had sex in almost a month because he's always too tired or stinks too much for me to even get in the mood :(
Oh anon, I wish I could help you somehow!
My best friend was relying heavily on her husbands finances and wanted to get out. She just started saving as much money as she could and put it aside without him knowing and eventually moved into a shared apartment that was kind of shitty but cheap. I'm not sure if that would be an option for you? It was hard for her in the beginning, but now she was able to get a better job and is in a new, loving relationship.
Would you feel comfortable sharing your approximate location? Maybe someone knows some resources that could be helpful for you.
Anon I was in a similar situation years ago.
All that I can say is don’t do it.
He’s already acting like a pig imagine how it will be when he gets even more “relaxed” around you.
If his career fails because he’s so addicted to video games you may end up with an overgrown child to support and he will always say he supported you to make you stay.
Save up money
And date someone that actually cares about you
You have no idea how good it feels to cook/clean as a couple.
Love yourself anon it’s sad to read you are stuck with this guy
Does it bother you? And if it does, what exactly about it? That he kept them in the first place?
If you're okay with the idea of him having them I wouldn't mention it, otherwise I think you have to.
Unless there's a chance that you could have found them on accident, I think you should be honest with him and tell him that you went through his computer and why. It's not a great thing to do but if you want him to be honest with you, you should do the same. Just apologize, explain yourself and then ask him about it.
(I know that this would work with my partner, you should know best if it does for yours)
Don't jump to conclusions anon. My friend found the same thing on her bfs PC and it turns out he was keeping them to blackmail her cause the bitch was crazy and was trying to sabotage their relationship. He showed her convos and everything.
Obviously not saying your bf is doing that, but he could be keeping it for a reason that's not porn related.
Hi, I was with my ex for over a year and he recently broke up with me.
He was actually often abusive and lied a lot, and worst of all, he said he'd be here during my dad, who was horribly ill, dying. However, he wasn't. He hated being wrong and would often call me names and treat me horribly, but because this would flip-flop with him otherwise treating me kindly and insisting things would get better, showering me with affection and hypocritically telling me to be here through it, I am pathetically not over him three weeks later.
He'd go between being wonderful to being awful, gaslighting, and controlling. He twists it to his family often but all his friends and mine know.
It makes me guilty that despite how he left (calling me bitch and cunt because once again I called him out for being a cunt to me, but politely) and storming out, and deciding to try and hate me, I….can't move on.
My flat, of which i live alone in, has a lot of memories and I am too poor to move into a bigger one. I am often in here and the worst part is he's said he still loves me too but he continues to blame ME for our problems even though I think even he knows that the only way we'd ever have a fully happy relationship would be if he sorted out his anger issues and his manchild issues.
I'm early 20s. Why am I dwelling on this?
I'm terrified of every other man. Like, convinced they're all fuckboys because I often get hit up by really empty fuckboy types and really arrogant types. I'm feeling like all the kind and decent men are taken or married. And I feel horrible because even after treating me like shit, even when i lost my own dad, my ex can sit around and claim I was the one doing everything wrong even though I did the world for him and when he wasn't spiting me out of anger and he was calm even he would always say how lucky he is to have me.
I don't really know what to do and I am already so broken over losing my dad so young. He's damaged me further and idk what to do.
All I do is think of all the good sides to him even though I know I should worry about the bad. Then I get down because if he would have just been honest and sorted his anger issues out, we would have been happy.
It will really depend on apartment layout and who will be living with you.
My biggest advice would be to be prepared that your routine is going to change. You probably won't be able to continue all your current habits with another person.
The biggest issue for my partner and me was to find time to have privacy because we didn't feel comfortable having sex with another person around (again, depends on your apartment layout). I would suggest that you guys try to plan to have a nice evening together when the other person is out and just generally try to have date nights or spend quality time with one another so you don't feel like your partner is just another roommate.
Also, try to be nice to your roommate and don't exclude them just because you're a couple. >>75811
Do you have access to a therapist or a counsellor? If you're in school, there's a good chance that they have someone. I think talking about it with another person would really help you. I was in a semi-similar situation and therapy helped me, especially because I didn't have a strong support system at the time. If you have good friends, try to be open to them and spend time with them or reconnect to old friends.
This is more of a vent becausw there really isn’t much to be done about this situation, but advice is appreciated. My boyfriend of three years is wonderful in every way, but I can’t get over the feeling that i’m not fufilling him sexually. I’ve been working on my body/self-esteem, i’ve gone from 165lbs to around 125. I feel good, and tbh I look pretty nice too. But the thing is, I have like NO titties. No push up bra in existence and no amount of contour could improve the situation. I know my bf has a preference for big titties… and recently i’ve found some BBW shit. I’m so upset. We still fuck a decent amount, but I feel like all this work I did is kinda useless. We’re building a future together and he tells me every day how much he loves me, but would he love me more if I had big ol titties? I dunno. I just want to please him. Can’t get implants because I run a big risk for breast cancer. Maybe I should just grow a backbone. I dont know, anons.
It’s just tough because there’s not a thing i’d change about him, he’s gorgeous, like male model beautiful. I just hope i’m being stupid and that he feels the same about me and isn’t lying when he tells me i’m “perfect”.
tldr; Bf likes big knockers, I cannot provide big knockers. He’s probably content and i’m upset for no reason. Tell me to stop being a crazy bitch. Ty.
i know those crazy anons are going to come in here saying only pedos like small tits or something, but fuck em. your breasts aren't the only part of you and clearly if he wanted a girl with big boobs he'd get one. you have to remember, and not to be mean, but looks aren't really that special, he could easily break up and find a girl who's body he likes more, same with you, so your emotional connection is clearly more important.
my real issue here is with the porn. porn is damaging to your brain so you should get him off it before even trying to address your insecurities because no porn will help a TON.
You’re right, thank you for the response. I have a hard time thinking of myself as worthy, and it’s difficult from constantly feeling like I was too big, to now feeling like i’m too small.
As for the porn thing, I agree with you in a way. But he only uses porn when i’m not around, so it doesn’t bother me too much. I’d obviously prefer it if he didn’t look at that stuff at all, but I can’t control him and I don’t want to repress his sexuality.
>>75834>orally servicing him with nothing fun for me is just wildly offputting.
Girl wtf if you don't wanna do something in 2018 just don't do it. Guys that pressure you aren't worth having around and if that's the reason you've had to break up with those two guys then good riddance
Just end the night without sex, say you want to see him again and schedule in a date for when you're not on your period. You don't have to explain why you're not doing it with them, and if they try to talk you into something then you know that they're trash
Alternatively just be honest and say that you're dtf another time, but that you don't like doing stuff on your period. Fairly simple, grown adult men should be able to handle the idea of periods.
If I want to have sex on my period I just let my boyfriend know so that he has the option to nope out, and I put down a dark coloured towel. He's happy to give period oral but I'm not interested so we don't, piv is less weird. We shower together afterwards.
I blow my boyfriend and do other fun kinky stuff that doesn't involve my bloody vagina because I enjoy it and I like making him feel good. He never makes me feel pressured to do sexual stuff, I just like doing it. And he always gives me an especially amazing time that's very "me-focused" as soon as I'm off my period.
Why did you dump them? Were they pressuring you and being shitty about it?
did you read what she wrote? she's asking what do you do if he won't
fuck you on your period. she's saying she wants to be. god some of you sound like man hating hags.
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So me and my ldr bf were talking about family last night. And we haven't introduced each other to our families yet, so we were just talking more in-depth like their names and shit.
So he doesn't get along with some of his family and I snooped around online using the first names he gave me.
I found his parents and sibling online. His older sister is night and day compared him. Its sooo odd and was a lot to take it in. Just because she looked like a male version of him.
Now I feel guilty I snooped and even nervous to talk to him now since I'm a bad liar. I mean it was public profiles and we have even talked about looking each other up online, but not family.
It depends on how I'm feeling. Sometimes, I just want to cuddle and if I'm having cramps, there will be a hot water bottle there, or he'll rub my stomach, which helps. Sometimes I still want to make out or have him play with my tits, maybe some dry humping. My boyfriend can't cum from oral (I'm working on it, but he never makes me feel bad about it, and it matters more to me than to him) so we generally just wait a week on that front, though he's never stopped me from playing with him. He takes cues from me, and I always feel loved and wanted based on the way he treats me, no matter what we end up doing.
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Say that you weren't planning to go to the grad ball for your year but your friend bought you a ticket. They are making you go and there's no way out of it. Also, say that you have a girlfriend/boyfriend that you've been seeing for about 3 months.
Would you ask your friend if you could bring your girlfriend/boyfriend along?
>feeling forced to give him a blow job when there's nothing in it for me>but me orally servicing him with nothing fun for me is just wildly offputting>I've split up with two people due to this
girl you need to realize it isnt all about you..
and why do you feel forced?
you better off not being in a relationship if you dont want to bother giving a little back to your man
do you have something in the past that might be the issue with this? maybe something abusive happened and you buried it or?
but if not then you just greedy
stop and dont bother about a relationship if it got nothing to do with abusive and thats fr
It's not really an all-for-me decision. I've basically got no physical enjoyment from sex ever, I'm always focused on the guy. What I mean is social enjoyment/fun of activity. Giving a guy a blowie when there's no fun - as in entertainment of any variety - I'm just acting like a hooker providing a service - that for me is offputting.
A few other Anons have written good replies and you can see it varies between relationships. I am "good" or maybe extra-good at giving blow-jobs which means guys prioritize them/look forward to them with me, meaning I have guys knowing
they will get one and expecting it excitedly or whatever. It's hard to explain but in a situation where we're having sex I have no opinion on BJ/like it. If it's all
I'm doing it makes me feel shitty.
But based on the replies, I think I just need a man who wants to have sex PIV on my period/doesn't mind it, because as >>75863
correctly commented, that is what I want.
It's not about me withholding sex but more about the guys withholding sex if that makes any sense.
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D U M P H I M
You owe it to yourself and the people who care about you. I wasted three years on someone like that. I had no idea how happy a relationship could be until I left him. Love is not all you need.>>75875
Yes, I'd ask. If they said no, I'd take that as a reason not to go.>>75876
Unacceptable. What >>75880
Yeah I think a Bear Gryllis might be more compatible for you. There's nothing wrong with that. Sexual incompatibility happens.
At the end of the day you do what YOU feel you want. Like anons can throw around their opinions and it’s helpful to see other insight, but at the same time some anons can be completely okay with doing something other than PIV sex during that week while others think it’s mandatory.
Ultimately sex is a completely personal thing, between you and ur partner - and yes there are times when you need to compromise, but you shouldn’t have to be the only one compromising. It has to be give and take or one person will always be left unsatisfied and that will eventually effect your mood, self esteem, relationship etc.
If you want PIV, then do it in the shower, wear a condom, or do it on a lighter day if you’re worried about the mess.
If he isn’t down for helping you out when you want it, then don’t give him a bj. If you don’t feel comfortable or dread doing it since it’s a one way street for you, than don’t do it and just tell him to wait. The longest a period is is generally a week so I’m sure he can hold off and t just means the sex you have after will be extra sexy
I'm actually squeamish myself which is why I gave these guys a free pass, (and no way do I ever want to see blood on a dude's face) but PIV is fine on lighter days Imo. I only have 2-3 heavy days and a few lighter so I don't see the problem with PIV on the lighter days, but guys are a bit weird about it hence sub-topic. >>75888>>75898>>75899
Thanks for these comments, it was helpful and I agree
>yes there are times when you need to compromise, but you shouldn’t have to be the only one compromising.
Yas queen, thank you for understanding.
It's not that hard to say "Hey, I'm playing videogames now, I'll talk to you later."
I wonder how he would react if you just intentionally drop out of a convo in the middle of it and return 7 hours later? (I don't advise doing this, he probably would be unreasonably offended)
This amuses me so much that it actually works. I would just be laughing getting ready to drop him in the middle of a conversation.
But I don't know what kind of guy Anons bf is/if he can take a joke which is why I can't personally recommend it. Maybe worth a try
hey guys, same anon here
I asked him how he would feel and he gave the typical "Oh I would understand you're busy" deal. I think I'm going to start ghosting him too and see how he likes it, wish me luck!
He is obviously into you if you've already kissed so maybe just try and seduce him if he's too shy. I'd rather take action than talk about it beforehand, that seems awkward for me. If he doesn't want to go that far it's not really your fault cause he indicated that he likes you lol. >>75978
Strictly separate everything when it comes to money, don't pay for his meals or drinks unless you are returning a favor… If you actually become a couple you will probably know after a while if he's in it for you or for the money. Just don't make the mistake to become a sugar mom if there is a risk. I would take things slow.
Wish you both look and please report back.
Literally as I read it I thought>He's gonna con her into a long-term relationship
So I'm glad you considered this too.
Most guys I've dated are poorer than me but I make it clear I won't be buying them anything/investing whatsoever and they give up eventually. You could probably get rid of him by just being a cheapskate
>>75983>I'm worried that he'd get with me, charm me into marrying him (marrying quickly is in our culture here, like a couple years is the average) or something and then run with the money.
Ngl anon, this seems extremely paranoid based on how you've described him. Even if he's poor right now, people who are truly ambitious usually want to get rich through their own means, not leech off someone else.
Unless there are some very important details you've omitted while depicting this guy's character, the fact that the two of you haven't even technically started dating yet and you're already thinking this way about him is really worrying.
>>75999>I'm the richest person he knows>I'm worried that he'd get with me, charm me into marrying him… and then run with the money.>I'm terrified of the fact he likes me for my money.>he's also highly ambitious (wants to be rich really bad)
>I'm the richest person he knows
(second quote repeated for effect). It's all in the text. If Anon has concerns that she is worried enough to write about here and ask for advice, obviously she's picking up something
from the guy other than a mere value judgement based on his income.
I actually never considered a dude would be after my money but, like I said most/all my exes were poorer than me so I never thought about it. I'm very aware of men possibly raking through your money as it happened in my family, he burned through all her savings and then divorced her. Luckily the divorce didn't go his way and she got her savings back via the house sale.
Obviously it's way over the top to be worrying about this stuff at such an early stage, but it can and does happen so shouldn't be dismissed entirely.
>>75997>>75995>Anon is paranoid
Yes, I think I am. But I'd rather be, so I don't fall into some sort of disaster. It breaks my heart to think about it, but if that's the way it is, then I would like to know. I have trust issues so that maybe be a reason.
>Too soon to worry
I don't think so. I think I would like to know as soon as possible before I get too attached. He's the first guy I really like and it would be really bad if I stay with him to find out five years from now when he takes my money.>>76005>Anon must have picked up on something if she's asking for advice
He is very very very
ambitious, so much so I don't know how far he's willing to go and that makes me nervous. It's too soon to know what kind of person he is and I don't know if he sees me as an escape route or a potential partner.
Thank you anon for your advice.
>Not all poor people are after your money.
I'm sorry if I came across as condescending, anon. I know that (I was homeless a few years ago and I was saved thanks to luck) and I have no issues with people who do not have a lot of money, but I've never been in a relationship before and I'm kind of worried. I'm really not too sure how all this tends to go.
What worries me the most though is that he's being genuine and I would have written him off as a bad person.
Anon who's only dated poor guys: It's fine, I think the extremely ambitious thing might be putting you off. Just date for a couple of months, don't buy him anything or lend money and see how it goes.
If you've never had any relationship it will at least be a learning experience. There's no way he can (legally) take anything from you at the dating stage so you have nothing to worry about at present.
I thought about putting this in the advice thread, but this one seems to be more active anyway.
My boyfriend's job keeps him away for weeks at a time. Before we started talking, he was a very avid tinder user and self described sex/masturbation addict. Now, I have no reason to distrust him at all, but I obviously can't do anything with him while he's at work. So, I got a fake phone number app, made a fake tinder profile, got one of those fake gps apps and set it to the location that he's currently working at. As expected, I didn't find him on it, but he's also only been gone a few days. Anyway, now I feel like a fucking crazy bitch. What do I do? Keep all of this downloaded until he gets home or uninstall it all right now? I guess I'm just afraid of wasting my time if he ends up being a cheater and I don't find out until years later.
i think it's reasonable to have some worry because he's described himself as a sex/masturbation addict - however
if he hasn't done anything besides admit that to you, there isn't reason to have gone to such extremes. Don't beat yourself up, it's normal to have a bit of anxiety. I'd say delete the apps and such, but when he gets home you should talk to him. express to him your worries and concerns and get him to reassure you. Maybe you guys can talk about if there are any ways you can help him while he's out (like send nudes or do sexy face time videos or something whatever youre comfortable with) and then you can feel better about not having to worry that he's looking elsewhere to look for satisfaction ya know?
im close to leaving (contemplating it) an abusive (???) relationship but after being told everything is my fault i still believe it, and i just can't bring myself to leave him. i am honestly so deeply in love with him.
so we've been together nearly a year now, and we don't live in the same city, but he barely messages me most days, never calls and never video calls.
he's asked me to lose weight, but now that ive relapsed into my eating disorder and im close to being underweight he says "do you think i want to see your bones?"
he ignored all of my sexual advances, but then complained when i stopped sending him nudes.
there's a lot more stuff…. i know it's bad but i just think it's all my fault, and he was so perfect when we first got together???
ive lost all of my confidence because of him, i try to get attention from other people but i just want him and his love.
i guess its okay to contemplate leaving him??? but im terrified of never finding love again, and i love him so much. such a perfect person but is so mean to me, im so confused.
Anon being scared of never finding love again is completely normal when leaving a relationship but trust me you will find another person one day! Out of the billions of people in the world this guy can not be the ONLY one for you. And think about it, is he really that perfect? Honestly? A guy who barely talks to you, treats you poorly, and has caused you to lose all confidence? In fact I know that you know deep down that's not true. The way he has treated you is absolutely not your fault and you deserve so much better!
Do you have friends, family, anyone you can lean on during this time?
You have to bite the bullet and leave him. It's easier said than done, but once you get out, you'll realize how much better your life is. Your boyfriend (soon to be ex, I hope) sounds like a grade-A douchebag. A perfect guy wouldn't ignore you, treat you like a sex toy, and tell you to lose weight when you're struggling with an eating disorder. You're absolutely in the right for wanting to leave him. You deserve a guy who treats you with basic respect, and I guarantee you will be able to find that man, but not in your current boyfriend.
I believe in you, anon. Stay strong and don't let him manipulate you anymore. Nobody deserves to be treated in such an awful way by the person who is supposed to love and support them.
>>76077>he was so perfect when we first got together???
Please research sociopaths and lovebombing. He is also clearly gaslighting you I want this/no I don't
You think you love him bc he is manipulating you like a puppet. Research the techniques and realize what he did
shit i didnt even know this was a thing, i just thought he really liked me then lost all interest after a month or so. >>76079
honestly, i have very few people i can reach out to. i have one really close friend who sort of gets what's going on, but i feel like such a burden.
as for family im just not too close with any of them and feel unable to open up to them.
thank you all for understanding and helping, i think ill break up with him soon.
I'm glad that helped. I've had multiple
guys do these things to me until I researched it. I actually only looked up gaslighting after seeing it mentioned in the Darjeeling Limited and was like "Wait a minute…"
which led me to read about sociopaths and lovebombing. Shit sucks man.
At least you have one close friend to confide in. Don't feel like a burden, we all go through this stuff
here reporting back
We went out for dinner, got tipsy, went back to his house, listened to Pillip Glass and made out. Tops come off, I'm 100% sure we're going to have sex, but he says he doesn't do it on the first date. We did go further, but he never took off his pants. He seemed into me though. That was Thursday. On Friday he traveled and won't be back for 3 weeks.
I'm a bit frustrated and don't know what to think.
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How do I initiate some sort of change in my relationship status?
I'm 22 and I've been in my first relationship for 3 months now. The guy I'm seeing asked me out pretty quickly, after 1 date and 2 weeks of nonstop talking (mostly on his end). I was really flattered by his attention then but not sure if I had feelings and I agreed to the relationship hoping they would develop. Now I'm sure those feelings haven't developed and will not, and our relationship looks much different than it did at the start.
Before he seemed crazy about me, suddenly dropping everything to be in a relationship and willing to travel with me or even just go out on dates. Now he constantly puts me down for little things (dropping things, other clumsiness) and every time we hang out he's sleeping half the time. The change has been so quick and drastic it makes my head spin. Today he slept through the entire day even though he'd made plans to take me out and didn't apologize or even mention it when he woke up. Yesterday he left me waiting outside his house because he took a nap even though he knew I was coming over. I've also recently discovered he has a temper, has treated some of his exes not very well and has apparently "never been broken up with," setting off some red flags for me. He's a good friend tbh but not a great boyfriend. I'd like to make this amicable if possible, or maybe just go back to being casual. Like I said I have no relationship experience so I would really appreciate advice from farmers who do!
He was lovebombing you and is now showing his true colours, true cluster b style.
I'd dump him and run tbh
is right, listen to her and you'll be fine
This type is easy to avoid, because they almost immediately start with heavy compliments, praises, very cringey romantic talk, basically lovebombing. If you don't go through stages of casual talking, light flirting etc first, he's a piece of shit, period. Sounds dramatic but it's always been the case in my experience. So many bullets dodged.
>>76203>I didn't like it and would push his hand away but he kept doing that>I know this man doesn't love me
Why are you together in the first place? He doesn't give a fuck about you or your boundaries. Sounds like a right dickhead to me, mate.
Anyway, if he's ready to reveal what a piece of shit he is only a few months down the line, he's just gonna be worse when the honeymoon period wears off.
Dump him, sis! Get a man that doesn't need a kick in the ballsack!
>>76203>And I know this man doesn't love me so I have no intentions of trying it with him.
At least you've realized that much. Kudos.
Get angry next time and reaffirm you're not going to do it. Sounds like he's just trying to groom you into it by asking so many times that you'll finally give in from being exhausted answering to it. Stand your ground.
I've had an ex that really wanted my butt too but I broke up with him within a few months. The guy was a fucking pervert and I sensed nothing long term would come of it as well. Trust your instincts, it's not worth it to put yourself through the anguish over someone who doesn't give a shit about you.
If you WANT him to want you back, what they say is true. Just keep doing you, focus on yourself and your goals and don't worry about him. The outcome is one of three things:
1) He will come back to you, but you will have moved on by then and not want him back
2) He will come back to you, and you will decide to give him a second chance - but will be okay with however it ends up because you would have done some growing yourself and won't put up with immaturity/dumb boy shit
or 3) he won't come back, but you won't care cause you'll have been moved on.
Honestly, in my experience I've had both 1 and 3 happen to me. A lot of times when they've come back I realized i was stupid to even be with them in the first place and it's a joke when they try and win you back over. And those who haven't tried to come back are no loss to me at all.
Breakups are hard as fuck anon, but give yourself time, and should he come back choose whats best for YOU and not just cause youre lonely.
hey original anon here, thank you
you're probably right but in the instance it's ever 2, how can I focus on myself and grow?
What you'll want to do anon is get yourself a routine in this time that you're separated.
for myself I joined a gym, I signed up for random classes (like pottery) and I picked up some new hobbies. I had also picked a goal for myself, in my case it was what I wanted for a career, and I focused on it all the time.
When you go to the gym, you will get your endorphins moving, which makes you actually happier, and will help to clear your mind.
Signing up for classes or sports will help you meet new friends who you can hangout with to keep your mind off your ex. They won't know much about the situation, so if you need their advice, it'd be unbiased - but in most cases you won't even feel the need to talk about it with them - because they'll be keeping your mind off of him.
Hobbies are to keep your mind busy when you find yourself wanting to just wallow in your sadness. I did crocheting, it forced me to focus on the project at hand.
Having a goal for yourself that doesn't revolve around him will give you a sense of purpose and independence!
By creating a routine you will be able to do some growing within yourself, you will find out more about what you like, what you're good at, what you want to do etc. You'll also gain some independence which is important incase scenario 2 is the outcome!
Should he come back, you will have gotten used to spending time by yourself and doing new things, and you'll know that should he not meet your standards then you will survive without him. I think a large influence on people wanting to stay with ex's is because they fear being alone and being without them…. when you have a sense of independence you have a higher sense of self worth, and know what you deserve and what you don't.
It takes a bit of time… so should he come back to you, take it slow, talk about your expectations for the relationship should it continue forward, and stick to your guns!
I hope that helps anon!
Five years into my relationship, sometimes we have nothing interesting to say and it’s fine. He’ll watch tv or play vidya, I go sew or work on gems and it’s cool.
There’s no pressure to force any conversation or awkwardness when we’re silent. It’s really nice when you get to this stage anon.
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opinions on dating guys with underworld connections, farmers?
i'm seeing a guy who sells (i have no issue with that part) but he has serious underworld connections with all kinds of groups and it sounds scary. i know he'll keep me safe, but from a logical outside perspective no matter how much i like him and how much we get along should i gtfo?
on the flipside he has tight legit connections too and is guaranteed an extremely well-paying career. we vibe really well but i'm just a shy, straight-shooting girl who doesn't like parties or scary shit. meanwhile he's a hardass who's really into parties and scary shit. is it possible for a normie gangster and a shy homebody to make it work…?
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This comes from someone that made that mistake.
Different anon here, but in my case everything was great until the police caught on and things went downhill pretty quickly. I didn't want to let him down and lent him money (he was always super generous to me) and he couldn't really get back up after that.
You'll probably be a suspect in something, I don't take any drugs and my apartment was clean so I was fine. But yeah, this doesn't always go well.
What's everybody's most successful way of rejecting guys? I still haven't found one that works effectively.
>Politely decline and say I'm not interested, guy tries to browbeat me into it and demands I explain myself.
>Say I've got a (fake) boyfriend, get hit with the "what, he doesn't let you have friends?" bullshit and still have to defend my decision.
>Ghost, get harrassed until I respond.
>Go on one date so I can let them down gently in person, have to face the aggression in person.
>Give a solid, firm no, get yelled at and insulted for being a bitch.
>Say I'm not interested in dating at all, dude tries to pressure me into it.
I'm 23 and don't have a lot of experience with men, but is this normal? I'm plain and boring so I'm guessing it's more of an ego thing than actual attraction but I can't say I'm well versed in dealing with either tbh.
I know I should be like "whatever, fuck their feelings" but sometimes their feelings are extremely aggressive and, if it's somebody I have to see pretty regularly, I'd rather just avoid any unpleasantnesss.
So, any ideas?
>>76396>he keeps lying and when i try to bring it up he denies it
This man is not going to respect your feelings or opinions if he straight up lies about something you know to be true.
>he threatens to kill me if i cheat and he says he dreams about me cheating on him
This is crazy. He threatens your life over something he dreams about. It'd be crazy if he threatened your life over something actually happening, so this is even worse.
>taking a joke too far
Once again manipulating you to believe your interpretation of an event was wrong. The thing is, you probably showed signs of not finding his "joke" funny long before you started actually crying.
Pack up your stuff and go stay with family/friends. Explain to him over the phone that the things he stays scares you and you need space for a little while. Gauge his response. If he's manipulative, threatening or dismissive of your concerns, just bail out.
It might seem like an overreaction but irrational jealousy, controling behaviour, threats of violence and "gas-lighting" are all warning signs for domestic abuse and it's easier to get out early on than it is to get out years down the line.
Only if you are 100% CERTAIN that his behaviour will stop and you feel 100% SAFE should you continue the relationship and even then you should dial it back and maybe not live together for a while.
What I've always done and never got angry responses:
If it's online and they send you a message with a date request- don't reply. Being ignored is much more pleasant than getting rejection letters, especially if he is doing what every guy does and mass-messaging hundreds of girls
If in person/at work/street walkup: Be nice, take their number or a social media username, don't give them any exact plans like agreeing to meet or anything, just be nice and take the details without telling them anything accurate about yourself (where you live, job, phone number etc)
Again they are approaching a lot of people so this is just customer service on your part.
If it's a guy you work with he's overstepping the line to be asking you at all, just say you don't date people from work or you're focusing on your career right now, if he is persistent or making you feel uncomfortable, casually mention it to a superior or two in conversation
If you've met a guy already on a date and want to reject them, blame the actions of another guy for putting you off/hung up on an ex/blame the website/anything but him
If he rejects you
take it gracefully and try and ignore him
>>76402>If you've met a guy already on a date and want to reject them later (online)
Don't reject on the date
, do it later in the non-blame manner as described. It's complex but all of these techniques have worked well for me.
i was cuddling with my new bf (about 2 months?) when i get a group message from my immediate family. i checked my phone, tapped in a quick response, and then put it back in my bag without thinking twice.
new bf jokes that since i have so many text messages i must have a lot of boyfriends, and i go along with it like "yup, all of my side hoes are being needy today." we both laugh because it's an obvious joke.
but then all of a sudden he's like "give me your phone and let me read your texts."
i've been in abusive relationships before where my partners tried to hold things like this over my head and were constantly suspicious of me, so i put my foot down and was like "no. you know i was kidding, i just got three texts from my mom, my sister, and my dad."
and he wouldn't let up! he went on this tirade about how he can't blindly trust me and that by me refusing to let him invade my privacy i must have something to hide/i'm devaluing our relationship. so i took out my phone, scrolled through my texts in front of him, and lo and behold the only people i talk to are my family.
then he blames the entire situation on me for "not showing him in the first place" and says that "something like this might happen in the future again" if he's ever suspicious of me. was i seriously in the wrong here, or did i just land myself another abusive fuck? it's just wild because i never think twice when he answers his phone, and he's a lot more popular/social than me so it's way more feasible he'd have something on the side than some hermit like me.
sorry for blogpost, i'm just weirded out. what's your take?
fuck, i always manage to attract this type.
what's worse is that he preaches that i need to stand up for myself and put up a fight when i feel like something is wrong. which would totally be valid advice, except apparently it doesn't apply when he's walking all over me.
i'm rambling now, but the argument went further than that and when i wouldn't show him he was like "if you don't show me then i'm cool with just being fuckbuddies, but i won't trust you enough to be my girlfriend."
like… bitch? you can't just go from supposedly caring about somebody to dropping them like a hot potato when they have a disagreement with you. and when i argued that i don't ask him for his phone because i trust him, he said that i'm stupid for blindly trusting him.
typing it all out just makes it sound so much worse. RIP. i have some thinking to do i guess.
Take it easy, it's not your fault for him being an uncaring asshole to you. Just please reflect on the benefits/downsides of being with him and if you see yourself miserable being with him especially with this knowledge, its better not being with someone who makes you feel like shit for something HE should be working on, like his trust issues.
And it's sad that he wanted to have you just be his FWB at this rate, its clear he doesn't have respect for you. Please take care of yourself and don't be too harsh on yourself over this, at least now you've recognized the red flags. It's ultimately your choice.
How can they be this crazy only 2 months in? Like is the honeymoon period 2 weeks long these days before they turn into a turd?
>or did i just land myself another abusive fuck?
Yyyuppp sorry Anon. Also based on my many reads of relationship stories, he who is paranoid about you cheating is always cheating/would cheat himself. Not that you should gaf about that 2 months in and with this crazy guy but yeah.
If you like baking or cooking you can make him a meal/deserts.
Make him a sweet homemade card full of reasons for why you love amd appreciate him. Or a drawing. My bf really likes this.
Give him a nice massage with candles lit. A happy ending is a nice bonus.
Do the housework for a week so he can relax