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No. 70439

Post limit for old thread reached >>>/g/44548

Get amazing advice from fellow farmers, or just vent your relationship feels.

No. 70442

How do you all feel about age differences? I'm 25, but this guy that's interested in me (and vice versa) just turned 21. He's mature for his age with a high paying career already. It just weirds me out thinking that when I was graduating high school, he was 14. When I'm 30, he'll only be 26. Not to mention, I have a little brother the same age as him.

No. 70443

The only thing that matters is if you guys are compatible and that he's not a minor now.

You only come across a limited number of people you can love, and it would be supremely wasteful to let someone go because they are a different age.

I'm an old hag that's loved and fucked guys a decade in both directions and I cringe to think that I might have let either of them go because I was afraid of age gaps.

No. 70446



i have to 1+ this. i recently fell in love with a guy 4 years younger then me, he's 20 and i'm 24. at first i thought the age difference could be a problem but our relationship is very healthy and loving and mature. it prompted me to reflect on my past relationships with people that were much older then me, and when i looked back i could see that some of them were manipulating an imbalanced power dynamic based around our age difference, so being mindful of not recreating that dynamic now that i'm the older one was really important to me. give it a chance and you might find that the age difference doesn't even stand out. you'll likely still share a lot of the same cultural references, and if he has a career on the go it will just remind you that he's an independent adult

No. 70447

28 year old with 20 year old. Things are great. I'm sure if he was less mature and if I didn't mind doting on a guy who's new to adulting (teaching laundry, cooking together, etc) it could be annoying, but our dynamic is perfect as it stands. I have a lot more of mature conversations with him and he cares about my aspirations more than others have. I really enjoy his company and he gets along with all of my friends, who don't seem to mind the age difference since he's fairly mature (unlike a mutual's immature ex). All and all I think age doesn't make much difference, since it doesn't affect all aspects of maturity. Going through a lot of growth when you're younger can make you seem years older than say, someone sheltered even at an older age.

No. 70450

I'm 22 and just started dating someone 11 years my senior. I forget about it when I'm with him but thinking about it creeps me out.

No. 70456

I've been with my bf for 6 years and we have such intertwined lives now that it's like we've been together for 20 years. We share a bank account, bills, a kid. For the past week, I've been emotionally cheating with one of his friends. I've got the guy in the palm of my hand and I believe he'd do anything I want, but I feel like fucking scum even though this is the first time I've been happy with my life in 5 years. I've been physically ill with guilt, despite also having the teenage butterflies. He doesn't expect me to leave my boyfriend at all because he totally understands the situation that we're in, he's also been a complete gentleman about not getting intimate. Still, I can't get past the fact that I should probably just kill myself to keep from hurting anyone anymore.

No. 70458

It's not that bad of a difference… My bf is 23 and I'm 25, which, sure, isn't anything special but I get such extreme reactions when I tell people that I'm older because 1) he looks older than me, 2) I have a vagina and 3) I'm not into older dudes because they tend to give the relationship a weird power dynamic/vibe and I'm not into that.

No. 70459

He's okay with you cheating which doesn't make him a gentleman at all, especially considering the fact that he's his 'friend'. Also, consider that your bf is the one who takes care of your kid and everything because he loves you (presumably) and Guy is only there for a fun fling, especially since he doesn't even expect you to leave his 'friend' for him, effectively cucking (sorry) your bf.

He is no friend and he is no gentleman.

No. 70463

Same here.

No. 70470

girl. stop. STOP. Like yesterday. There's a reason why you feel like shit, and guilty. You know what you're doing is wrong. It's normal for a lot of people to get crushes, but what you have to do is make a conscious effort NOT to feed it, okay? Cut this person out, or if that's impossible, avoid him as much as you can. Focus on your partner and doing things with him.
Also stop with the "I should probably kill myself to keep from hurting anyone" there's a much easier way to keep from hurting anyone, it's called stop what you're doing.
We tend to get in these "I am bad and should punish myself for it" loops when we don't actually want to stop what we're doing, but need to let the guilt manifest somehow. Be aware of that and nip it too.

No. 70476


Did both of you miss the part where she said it's the first time she's been happy in 5 years? We don't know anything about the dynamic she has with her current bf. He could be a completely toxic influence in her life for all we know. Because of this, we also don't know whether or not the friend is necessarily a worse alternative.

I don't condone cheating of any kind, but I do know that it doesn't typically happen in healthy relationships where both parties are on the same page and communicating effectively.

>I should probably just kill myself to keep from hurting anyone

OP, this is seriously scary to read considering you have a child. You desperately need to get it together and start acting like an adult. Essentially, you have two choices here. Stop fucking around on your boyfriend and go to couples counseling, so that whatever issue(s) have lead you to consider cheating can be resolved, or end the relationship, period.

You don't have to hurt anyone. You are consciously making that decision by engaging in this emotional affair. In addition to hurting your boyfriend and (potentially) his friend, you are also hurting yourself by getting into this negative thought cycle of believing you have no control over your own actions.

No. 70477

you sound like you don't know very much. op is probaby 'happy' because it's something new, this is how everyone is. relationships get boring and stale and being content doesn't mean being happy. you too are judging her situation by assuming their relationship is toxic.

also, don't encourage her shit by acknowledging her attention whoring about killing herself.

No. 70478

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Anyone ever have a bf with a slight drinking problem?

He works at a bar and there's a fuckton of drama right now between one of the co-owners and a female coworker (who desperately needs to be fired but none of the guys will bc she's their 'friend'). When bf drinks, he takes a lot of his frustration and anger out on me. Like not directly at me, but he's still raving and yelling and throwing shit in my presence. Sometimes I really feel like saying idgaf, it's your problem, and if it gets bad enough leave.

Bf moderately drinks every day, like 1-4 beers. But some days after work or inventory he decides to go to the craft tavern next door to his own tavern and slam down a few more.

Just today I stayed home from work and planned on making a really elaborate Korean dinner. Seriously, this shit takes like two hours. And I was waiting for bf to get out of work so we could go buy the ingredients. He calls me at 4pm, tells me he's drinking a bit but should be home soon.
Wellllll, come 5:50pm I have to call him and tell him to come home already. He doesn't drive so he walks. The second he gets home he stumbles into the front door area and I can tell he's tipsy. I decide to walk to the store instead of drive us. He makes an embarrassing scene in front of a barbecue restaurant he has a vendetta against (literally yelled "FUCKIN CLOSE ALREADY" when we passed it). And in the asian store he kept bumping into me and singing really obnoxious songs. Like, I was already pissed at him for being late. Him trying to be 'cute' was having the opposite effect. I just wanted things to be quiet and he was being so loud and stupid.

On the way back I got visibly pissy from the obnoxiousness and so then he starts sulking and trying to appeal to me. He's like "Well I can help you cook anon" No. No he fucking can't help me cook. He sucks at cooking #1. #2, he's inebriated. He'll do shit wrong and fuck it up. He knows I'll say no, don't help, so he can act like he offered and wash himself clean of the situation.
Hell when we got back inside I asked for the "Steamer" which is our metal pot in our pantry, so he tries looking for the plastic basket that goes into our rice cooker in the cabinet. Bc he literally doesn't understand what needs to be done for the recipe and the plastic basket was way out in left field.

Then of course the drunk work tirade ensues.
We're already over it as far as he's concerned. I'm just sick of having to deal with this every time he has an extra drink. Not trying to take away his freedums, but he's so annoying when he gets this way. Like babysitting a teen.

No. 70481

I'm 23 and with a guy who's 33. Age doesn't bother me at all, but one thing I find difficult is comparing our careers.

He's very accomplished in his field, and I've only just finished university and have been working for less than a year now. I know it's ridiculous to compare us, and I'd never bring it up, but I want him to feel proud of what I've done like I do with him.

Anybody else measure aspects of their life to their so?

No. 70501

Yes. Stayed with him too long out of some sense of obligation/being able to fix him. Made me miserable. Get out as soon as you can.

No. 70502

Well, at least he's not a stubborn NEET.

No. 70503

I've been seeing Sam Hyde for a couple months now and one of my friends is really upset about it. They don't want to speak to me anymore. What should I do?

No. 70504

What's so great about Sam Hyde?

No. 70506

Isn’t there anon in another thread claiming to have slept with him or am I thinking of someone else… either way, get some standards anon

No. 70510

File: 1511296462434.png (3.74 MB, 1600x2965, hyde.png)

Finally. I've been asking here how he is in the sack for YEARS

You know he's had a thread here right? I was a big fan at first but it really ended for me when I paid 12 dollars to listen to him wine about women on KSTV

No. 70513

yeah there was. it's probably some r9k weirdo trolling and rping their weird fantasies. their posts keep getting vaguer and less creative. sam is ugly as sin anyway. yawn…….!

No. 70516

Not to stray too ot but I think he's trying to get searches on his name again. I saw someone shitposting some pathetic 'review' video of his on /ck/ yesterday. Lately I've seen the resurgence of the name and wonder if he's a little attention starved…

No. 70536

Accidentally posted in wrong thread and can't paste on phone so

My post is >>70535

No. 70547

I've reflected and thought about it, and my relationship is really not a healthy one that a child should have to grow up in, so I'm here to update that I'm going to break up with him. Not for his friend, but for myself. Bf has always been an emotionally manipulative manchild and I've been staying with him out of a sense of duty because of our kid. I'm tired of being complacent with a depressing and draining situation. I'm not exactly sure yet how I'm going to move forward, but I'm getting out. As for things with his friend, he cares about me a lot, but I'm not trying to jump into another relationship.

No. 70552

my boyfriend deployed and I want to die. I'm afraid our relationship will deteriorate or worse, he gets injured or dies. thinking about it now makes me cry. lately I've been sending him emotional stuff which is out of character for me but it's cuz I'm so anxious, I just want him to know I love him if anything happens. it really hurts. he says he's gonna be fine but that doesn't help at all. I still imagine every possible gruesome scenario before I fall asleep.

I guess it'd be great to know if anything to keep the relationship alive, healthy, and strong. I really believe I'm in love with him because it feels way different from my last relationship. I get chills thinking about him. I simply loved my ex; I loved him like I love my best friend.

surprisingly he has his phone so he texts me when he can. I work nights so I can message him during his day. he complains of needing material to beat his dick to since he can't (or probably doesn't want to?) watch/download porn on their WiFi so I send him pics. my plan is to send them weekly but the problem is I suck at nudes. I haven't taken any in years so idk what poses to do. I don't send videos cuz I don't masturbate frequently, it's hard to record, and because I just rub my clit and dude's usually like to see fingering. that's all I know to do to keep up contact so far.

No. 70554

lol he's whining about not getting his precious wanking material? Sounds like you should get out of that, especially if it's such a cause of worry for you while the only thing he's worrying about is his dick.

No. 70555

god i wish bitches like you would fucking kill yourselves.

No. 70561

Fucking Christ, anon. Everyone has needs. Deployment is stressful. I'm sure he appreciates any nudes from his girlfriend, even if they "suck." It would be one thing if she didn't want to take them, but she clearly doesn't mind if she's trying.

No. 70567

I agree with >>70554. You shouldn't have to send him nudes unless you really want to. Especially in the age where sending nudes can risk your reputation and can be spread to other people if your relationship ever goes south. I don't understand why these anons think you need to compromise yourself because your military bf has "needs."
The fuck cares? How many other guys who are deployed force their wives and girlfriends to do lewd shit? What guy can't just find a porn magazine, or get off from previous memories with you? Couldn't he just do a live cam chat with you?
You do you anon, but god damn these other anons give such shit advice.

No. 70580

i think you're onto something tbh its probably sam himself. he randomly met up with the rapper Bones and did a shirt collab with him recently. i know Bones is a fan of sam, but it was just really random and sudden like you'd expect them to never meet up and the only reason they did was so sam could gain exposure and get more of a following via Bones's fans. i know sam used to post pics of himself on fa too so he deffo lurks still

sage for ot

No. 70584

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Thirding >>70554 and >>70567. Compare the post you typed up about worrying about his well being and missing him to his COMPLAINTS of, "lol can't get my dick wet :( send me more nudes babe". You clearly weren't even close to thinking, "ugh i miss his dick im mad i cant fap to him anymore i should complain to him about it" when he left but obviously he has ulterior thoughts in mind than what you're worrying about. He sounds like an absolute wanker and I would drop his ass. Sending nudes to anyone is a horrible idea, but it's just 1 million times worse when you're the one sending them and not even enjoying it. Seriously, find a better guy, anon. Not saying this in a demeaning way, but you sound like you're wearing rose tinted glasses and can't see past him if you think you're in love with this jackass. He should be more empathetic and worried about you all the same as you are worried about him. Doesn't matter who's the one that's deployed, you guys are still in an ldr and not being in the army/marines doesn't exempt YOU from being in harm's way equally.

No. 70591

I need advice on how to deal with depression in a relationship when your boyfriend like straight up doesn’t support you or understand? I’m at a loss because I love him and it sucks because he also has depression and I stuck with him and helped him into seekingn therapy,medication, getting his family to accept and understand his depression, just general good person support but it’s like when I hit my lows he doesn’t do that and gets distant and like tonight tells me things like “You’re a downer”. I’m so sad by all of this. Any advice is welcome.

No. 70599

Your environment has a direct effect on your mental health. Being in a relationship with someone who doesn't support you is only going to make your depression worse, anon.

No. 70601

Do most people really get upset about sending their bf nudes like this?
I love exchanging naked pictures with my SO, it's great when we're apart and want to maintain a sexual aspect of our relationship. And it's nice to know your partner is getting off to you.
Not to mention OP never never said anything about not wanting to send the pictures? She only said that she was struggling with ideas.

No. 70614

>Do most people really get upset about sending their bf nudes like this?
Yeah? Wouldn't you get pissed off about being coerced into doing something you're uncomfortable with?

No. 70615

>Do most people really get upset about sending their bf nudes like this?

My bf of three years has never asked me for them, probably because he sees me nude in the house all the time. Either way, nudes are a horrible idea.
I had an ex who flipped shit when I broke up with him, and threatened that if I had sent him nudes, he would've posted them on 4chan and all over the internet as revenge.
I even have an ex from 2010 who I let photograph me in a lewd outfit, and every now and then the little creep likes to remind me how he still has them.

Men should not be trusted with shit like that. If they really respect you they wouldn't ask you to do something that is exploitable and could potentially leave you vulnerable. Not a good idea.

No. 70617

No one was upset about it but way to project and let everyone know what you read in your head. She clearly stated she was having trouble recording which means she's uncomfortable with it. You'd have to be an aspie to take what she said so vaguely; not being able to come up with ideas for pictures means she's not really into it as well otherwise she'd know exactly what to do and have fun with it which is incredibly easy when you're in the mood. It's common sense that sending nudes is a shitty idea altogether anyway, not just because she isn't enjoying it.

No. 70618

This post is correct.
The guy's an absolute shithead, pressuring his gf while she's worried about him and guilting her into sending her nudes because he needs it for his poor little dick. It's pathetic, and he'll eventually go apeshit some day and do something drastic with them. OP should get out of that shit now and save herself from that waste of time.

No. 70619

And people who are saying “but he’s her bf, he has neeeedddssss” are idiots.
>bf asks for bjs
>decline because not comfortable with idea
>bf forces me to, holding head down on dick despite my protests
>let’s him do this repeatedly because I think bf has needs and it’s my duty to fulfil them whether I want to or not
>doesn’t think a boyfriend can sexually abuse a gf because of the labels
>has fucked me up about sex to this day

I can agree to an extent that you do need to be understanding of your bf and gfs needs, however if it is involving something you’re uncomfortable with, than your bf needs to understand that. When it comes to sexual needs that’s a huge conversation that needs to happen and there needs to be a lot of understanding and agreements on both ends. Forcing yourself to do something you’re uncomfortable with can fuck you up, especially when it’s something as vulnerable as sending nudes. Just because one anon is comfortable enough to send a nude doesn’t mean that the one asking for advice should be too.
I’m sorry to speg but I just hate the “he has needs” excuse. We all have needs, and we all have limitations.

No. 70622

This a good reason on its own. I was okay with sending my ex some slightly suggestive pics, but after that he started constantly pressuring me to get completely naked, send more pictures, and masturbate on cam for him. Later on I found out that he posted my butt online along with pics of other girls.
After that, I wouldn't trust any guy that asked me for nudes as far I can throw him. The normalization of revenge porn just confirms my doubts. You could also bet your ass that the women who get exposed are being blamed for sending them in the first place by the people exploiting her.
Guys are also just unbelievably whiny about this shit. I once knew a guy who threatened to kill himself because the girl refused to send nudes.

No. 70651

I like hanging out with him and he's funny.

Yeah, he has weird opinions on feminism. He thinks it's too "utopian", lol. What the hell is that infographic though?


Is this something to lose a friendship over? My friend say he was uncomfortable talking to me because of it.

No. 70660


No. 70683

Does anybody else have these kind of overthink-ish reactions when it comes to crushes/dates? I am kinda afraid of the time after honeymoon period although I've never been in a longterm relationship? There's a guy I really like and all I can think of is how fucking shitty it's gonna be when we break up… wtf is wrong with me? Any anons out there with long and healthy relationships?

No. 70692

it's a hassle trying to reply to all anons on mobile so apologies for not getting everyone.

lol no it's not like that anons!! we had sex so frequently that it's sorta hard on both of us, i guess you could say: i don't masturbate often, and he rarely did either. besides, it was an offhand comment he made during a sex related conversation and I took it upon myself to send more bc i genuinely don't mind, it's just i am not great at being sexy. i don't even own lingerie lmao.

he tries to keep the conversation as light as possible so I don't freak out. it was never in a, "send nudes i need to nut ," manner, more like "lol i ran out of fap material, wtf am i gonna do now." he never asks for nudes cuz i told him from the jump i don't send any. the only thing he's asked me to do was download my fave porn and email it to him but that didn't work out at all.

unfortunately he doesn't have a laptop cuz he never had the use for one lol, all he pays attention to electronic wise is his xbox. the camera on his phone is beyond shattered so I can barely see his face when we do video chat. i told him to buy one so we could Skype but I don't think he realized what else we could do on Skype besides talk.

it's just never been anything of interest to me. i don't get off/turned on by them at all tbh, but if he does the goal has been accomplished.

today i woke up to, "going beyond the wire today." it's been nothing but stress, my stomach hurts.

No. 70693

File: 1511562306958.jpg (20.4 KB, 570x479, 1489276144983.jpg)

>it's a "h-hes not that bad I swear" post
oh boy
>he watches porn

No. 70694

I mean, I do but I also have bad general anxiety and also relationship anxiety lmao. I find I’m a hypochondriac but I’m my relationship, a friend of mine recently dumped her bf because she was interested in someone else and I spent the whole week worrying about what if I get interested in someone else and need to break up?? thank god my boyfriend has the most patience out of anyone I know. As long as you can distinguish your thoughts as irrational/intrusive it can reallllly help put an end to them. I used to be far worse than I am now before a therapist helped me with distinguishing those types of thoughts

No. 70695

…i guess.
everyone assumed he was coercing or requesting nudes while being dismissive of my feelings but that's not the case. it's truly of my own volition.

the video i intended to send was amateur/homemade, idk what he watches now that I think about it.

No. 70698

I posted this in the other advice thread, but it might be more approprate to post it here.

So, my older sister left a long-term abusive relationship over a year ago in which she had two kids from. She's been living at home ever since (as do I), and I recommended checking out OkCupid as I met my current boyfriend of two years off there. She's been using the site since August or so, went on a few dates, and a little over a month ago seems to have met a guy she really likes. Problem is, when I met the guy I got some bad vibes from him. He was speaking to her child WAY too sternly, like he's their actual father. It's kind of hard to explain, but it put me off a lot. He was raising his voice in an annoyed tone essentially. Keep in mind, they'd only gone on their first date maybe 2-3 weeks prior. Speaking of their first date, he met my parents and grandmother on the FIRST date. She invited him, which is another level of weird, but I still can't imagine any normal person wanting to meet family that quickly. Anyway, just today I found out from my mother that he's "hinted at a ring" and that it's secret. She seems fine with it as my whole family seems charmed by him, but seriously, what the FUCK? They've only known of eachother's existence for MAYBE two months and he already wants to propose?
Anyway, I'm really worried about her kids. Judging by how fast he's trying to progress things it wouldn't be surprising if he turns out to also be abusive. Should I try talking to my other family members to find out what they think? I don't want to confront her directly because she'd probably start a fight in result. I'm just really worried and stressed.

No. 70707

I have no idea why they assumed so much, a lot of it sounds like projection, like
>She clearly stated she was having trouble recording which means she's uncomfortable with it.
Which is just retarded, you only said it wouldn't be an interesting watch. Lol. Nothing you said made me think he coerced you or you were uncomfortable, I'm sorry anons jumped on you and your bf.

Hope he's well and that things between you two stay good!

No. 70708

Samefag, I also forgot to mention he has an ex wife and a few kids who live in another state. I feel that's important to mention.

No. 70712

Not everyone is uncomfortable with it by default, especially in the context of a healthy and trusting relationship.

No. 70713

>all these anons assuming the worst about your relationship when you never said much to imply any of that was the case
I know other girls have had bad experiences but you shouldn't project that onto others so quickly.

No. 70714

I still don't think you should send nudes. But ultimately, that's a choice and risk that you're gonna have to make. Hope it works out.

No. 70716

holy shit. who the fuck hurt most of you crazy bitches?

No. 70718


geez it does sound bad, but this is what people with dependence issues do, they fuck things up, it has probably gone for a while but isn't it your job to help each other? how much shit from you do you imagine he would put up with if the tables were turned?

No. 70727

apparently everyone here is very against sending nudes, which I can understand to a degree, but I never got the feeling that you felt coerced. It can be pretty fun to exchange these images when you miss your partner and want to feel that sexual connection!
As far as ideas, honestly try going to porn sites and looking for cellphone/selfie/amateur pics. Should give you some posing ideas. Make sure to keep identifying features out of the pic and don't show your full face.
Yeah, it can be totally awkward at first but once you guys get into the swing of things it can be great. I actually started getting really into taking pics for my boyfriend when we were long distance, it can end up being pretty arousing

No. 70859

Your sister wants to get married I guess, she's not interested in men who aren't serious about commitment from the get-go, who often appear a bit more strange.

Be a good Aunt though anon.

Nudes within a proper relationship aren't bad. It's not the same as girls who spam them to randoms on discord or whatever.

No. 70872

He might be trying to use your friend to get back at his ex wife and kid by replacing them with a new family to make them jealous.

No. 70879


That's not a bad gap at all… The rule of thumb is half your age plus 7 so you're good.

No. 71003

So recently I have been seeing someone for the past 3 months. I'm starting to feel deeper feelings and its honestly freaking me out. Only 6 months ago did I get out of a 6 year relationship so a part of me just doesn't want to be with this new person because I'm afraid of getting stuck in that comfortable rut again with a loser. A part of me wants to ghost the new guy because I feel like I don't deserve it and its too good to be true. Hes such a genuine person and is definitely into me as well I'm just scared. Any advice on how to calm my shit and not be an asshole

No. 71019

My girlfriend has relapsed pretty hard into her old mental illnesses and it's taking a toll on me mentally and physically, but I don't know how to approach it without setting her off and her thinking it's all her fault that I'm getting worse. I've been heavily stressed about applying to universities after an extra year at college as well as dealing with a shitty min wage job and my own mental health and ED are really getting my down, but when I mention that I feel bad everyone else gets worse. It happens with my friends too so I've started just keeping everything to myself but I just want to explain why I sound apathetic or never have the energy to do stuff.

I really do love my girlfriend and we have plans together but recently she keeps saying she won't make it to X age or to Y event in her depressive periods. I guess I'm just trying to look for a way to make this work because when everything is good, we have the best relationship but then shitty mental illnesses come along and it seems very bleak. The hard part is knowing that it's only as a result of the illnesses as well.

No. 71023

Hey have you guys ever been grossed out by your boyfriends fetishes? My boyfriend has a gynecology fetish and it grossed me out so bad. Whenever I try to talk to him about it he refuses too and claims I’m making it awkward even though I’m just trying to understand him and leg wants to “pretend he doesn’t have it”. He C.K. tangly leave the porn open on his phone and computer and it’s iust all around making me uncomfortable. Any advice.

No. 71035

I think you should be open and honest about how you're feeling, and communicate all of this to him. Make it clear that it's nothing to do with him, but that old relationship fears are starting to bubble to the surface, and you're having some difficulties looking past them and concentrating on all the good things you have with him in the present. If he's the right guy for you, he'll be reassuring and supportive.

No. 71036

I'm 99% sure I'm going to run into an ex friend/fwb in a few days for an event. the relationship ended badly and it was entirely his fault and he knows this. I haven't seen him or talked to him for a month or two.

How do I deal with this? we share mutual friends and I might be around him the whole night. I know he's going to pretend like nothing is wrong and nothing happened because our fling was a secret. he caused a lot of mental and emotional trauma for me that I've mostly worked out at this point, but because of him i can't imagine dating for a long, long time

No. 71038

Here's my vent.
I only have guy friends (get your jokes about that out of the way) and I hate that the only advice I can get from them is to break up with my boyfriend. It's so goddamn annoying. I need legit help sometimes, other times I am just venting about stupid little problems that pop up (like my boyfriend's arrogance leading to his frequent unemployment) and they just say 'Break up with him, you deserve better'. Okay, let me know when the perfect guy comes along. Oh right. He doesn't exist. And I'm not some kind of fucking goddess either. We're just two people with flaws who love each other but we have problems too like every other relationship after a couple of years! It's led to me feeling super isolated when I should be able to talk to my friends, but whenever I bring anything about problems up they tell me to ditch him. My only female friend is not a great resource either because she definitely has feelings for him and is very biased towards him because they're similar in a lot of ways, such as the aforementioned arrogance. She's also a huge snake in the grass who'd screencap anything I said to her or repeat it to him and lie and say it was to 'help our relationship'. Sigh. Even friends I've made since getting with my boyfriend don't like him because he's kind of standoffish, and they're my friends and never hear his side so if I seek advice its 'break up with him'. Especially if they're chronically single types. I just want to be able to seek advice without him getting attacked every single time. End rant.

No. 71050

If he's caught with it open but refusing to talk about it and blaming you for making it awkward when you bring it up in a non-judgmental way then he sounds really immature. If he's just going to carry on denying and hiding it because he doesn't want to have the fetish or can't bring himself to talk to you, then he needs to actually stop or at least hide it properly. Leaving weird porn open and denying it is such a cliche creepy uncle move and would make anyone uncomfortable.

Ot but your post has my kind of initials typo'd in it, so on first reading I thought I was going crazy

No. 71066

Yeah I’m sorry about that every so often if I have a typo my phone changes it to those two initials even though I didn’t k ow anyone with those intitals.

But yeah I agree it’s creepy mush but also bothers me because I want to be supportive and talk to him about it because he obviously has shame about it, and feels it’s wrong but won’t talk to me about it even when I offer to engage in fetish play with him to be fair and open he just gets upset and won’t talk and we end up fighting. Thanks for the advice because I’ll probably mention what was said here to him. Thank you.

No. 71068

You probably will have already thought this, but I just wanted to suggest that if you bring any of this stuff up, it's next best not mention that you posted here since he's been so defensive. Maybe even bring up an example of something that you're ashamed of (even if nonsexual) but have talked through or are open to talking through so that he doesn't feel like the only deviant
You sound really supportive anon, I hope he can open up because it would be his loss to shut you out

No. 71078

ew wtf, dump ur girl friend tbh. why would you stay friends with someone like that

No. 71085

Honestly I have no idea. I really can't trust her but I just wanted the female bonding experience again, after going so long without a female friend, that I think I settled for someone that I can barely stand.

No. 71089

Oh yeah I didn’t plan on telling him I asked the internet for help. I meant that as like I’d bring up some of the ideas and points said here. I guess this biggest think here for me is that the fetish does make me uncomfortable because I have been sexually assulted in the past and one of the assaults was by a male gynecologist. I’ve talked to him about this and I’m sure that’s added to his shame. I’ve tried reassuring him and he’s told me in the past he wanted to “get over it” but I don’t think that’s possible with fetishes I guess unless you really try or something..??
It’s difficukt because we’re weee each other’s first and I love him to death, but it’s seems like porn and stories from his friends about their sex lives have completed screwed with the sexual part of our relationship expectation wise.

No. 71101

if it makes you feel better, medical play is pretty common. obviously if you're uncomfortable with it, you don't have to do it, but i'm sure his medical play fetish manifests in ways other than gyno. my fiance has a ton of weird fetishes and he's happy to enact them once but is usually too lazy since it's a lot of work and won't do it when he wants romantic sex.

No. 71110

My boyfriend and I have been together for most of college (3 and a half years). A month ago, we decided to make the relationship open. Since then, I've started seeing an older guy. I'm trying to figure out if there's a future with my boyfriend before deciding how I want to handle the older guy.

The older guy knew I was in an open relationship but yesterday, on our fifth date he told me he wanted a serious relationship where the couple could give each other their full selves and devotion. He asked what I wanted from him and I said I didn't know what I wanted. He suggested I take time alone to figure it out. Basically he told me to pick between him, my boyfriend, and being alone. I think it's too soon to be asking this.

I love my boyfriend but I'm not in love with him, if that makes sense. I'm taking a break from school after this semester and moving back home. After my boyfriend graduates next semester, he'll move back home. We were in a long distance relationship for a year and a half in the past. I can't do that again. He would rather live at home than with me. It looks as though it will be long distance indefinitely. Should I break up with him? I can't imagine life without him.

Also, how do you differentiate codependency from love?

No. 71117

He told me on one occation it’s only medical play involving gyno stuff and examinations. It makes me kinda uncomfortable but the thing that’s makes me more uncomfortable is how he hides it, gets mad at me when I try to talk to him about it, and then tells me he’s unhappy with are current sexual life but won’t discuss anything with me to fix it.

No. 71127

he probably is mad ashamed, if he likes porn i'd agree that he's getting false expectations about your guys' sex. do you think you'd ever be comfortable with it? also, you should remind him that you guys don't have to go all out every time you have sex.

No. 71128

Hey /g/, I guess I need a pretty obvious advice? I don't really want to get in details (unless I have to), so i'll better try to type my main problem here.

I don't really date him (since we both had awful issues in our previous LDR relationship), so basically we are just good friends who got feelings for eachother, but we also share that 'fuckfriends'thing which actually keeps bugging me lately the more I think about it.

My s/o is a sociopath (he did even admitted it later, and I also realized how fucked up can he be 'cuz of this thing only after few months on 'being together'), which also means that I don't get any moral support at all. I struggle in abusive relationships with my parents, yet he always

No. 71130

Shows how tired of me 'whinging alot over thing which you can ignore',but in my situation ( and with destroyed nervous system ) I can't do that at all. And he knows about it. We never really talk anymore and he doesn't care about it,and the only thing which he usually cries about is the fact that I'm not lewd at all lately, which means I'm boring to talk to.
I don'feel comfortable around him at all and keep thinking that it's all my fault and how bad I am,but I also think that I should just leave him, tho I keep thinking that 'he is actually a good person, look, he says how cute I am' which is not happening everyday, obvi.

No. 71131

Ditch the guy that asking you to be too close too soon. You feel it not the right time for you, which is most important. This anon confirms it is also objectively too soon. Bad vibes. State what you feel - no. Reject him. Clearly and finally.

Then see what you're going to do with your bf.

No. 71135

>Also, how do you differentiate codependency from love?
>I can't imagine life without him.
>My boyfriend and I have been together for most of college (3 and a half years).

See, everyone, literally everyone, goes through a sort of an identity crisis when they get out of their first serious relationship. By having this experience, you learn the boundaries and overlaps of self and unity. This is a confusing but necessary experience, which you will learn from.

Internet armchair psychologists with a degree from Pulledoutaamyass University have potential labels and diagnosis ready for everything they don't know shit about and they spew them everywhere. Don't even entertain the thought of you having "codependency" or some such shit without a professional.

Forget that bollocks. You're a young woman learning about the world. The more you act, the less you'll doubt. Trial and error.

No. 71139

Sorry guys, I just realised how shitty I tried to explain everything. Was full of emotions. Will re-write the post later. :/

No. 71174

File: 1512525470821.jpg (Spoiler Image, 96.63 KB, 750x750, 21041401_1480963215283258_4741…)

Sorry in advance for the TL;DR. This is really dumb and I know I'm being over the top but I need to vent somewhere. I really hope this is the right thread.

Some time ago, I went and did the thing that no girl should ever do. I snooped, and found things that have me all kinds of fucked up. (Yes, it was porn, and yes I am being a dramatic bitch.) At first, it was a semi-accident. To keep a long story short, he gave me access (phone, laptop) to some of his things before completely clearing them (I'm not sure why, maybe he forgot what was on them or just didn't care?) And basically I found porn and nude photography, which wouldn't have bothered me that much typically, but a lot of it was focused on this one camgirl who is amazingly stunning and has the figure of a goddess and looks absolutely nothing like me. He has several folders FULL of photos and videos of her. He has more photos/videos of her on his stuff than he does of me. As I looked through them, I felt so crushed and hurt. I know it's dumb, but I guess it's the fact that her body is so unobtainable to me. Literally a perfect hourglass Goddess and I'm over here being a frumpy stick figure. Ever since this happened, I've been dealing with feelings of inadequacy and self hatred. I did eventually confess to him because I couldn't take it anymore. It didn't really help much. He said the things any decent boyfriend would say to try to make me feel better. I told him I didn't want to police the things he looks at or thinks and I would do my best to put it in the back of my head. That hasn't gone that well because I've been obsessed with the ideal of plastic surgery now, which I can't afford, which makes me more depressed. Our sex life has taken a blow because I'm constantly comparing myself to her and getting turned off because I feel ugly. I've also developed this masochistic tendency to stare at pictures of her and similar looking girls while I talk down on myself.

A part of me secretly hoped that after seeing how hurt I was that he would stop saving things of her. But recently I went on a file storage site he uses (it was already logged in, we share a computer) looking for something unrelated, and the first thing I see is a folder with her name and it had been updated very recently. And now I'm sitting here staring at pictures of her and feeling like trash again. I don't even blame him, either. She's gorgeous.

Why do I do this to myself? How can I deal with these feelings? Are my feelings justified at all or am I being a moron? I really feel like I'm going batshit.

Pic related, it's her.(NSFW)

No. 71175


Well first of all that is just a slim woman with large breast implants. They seem a little too round to be natural, and not proportional to her body weight.
His obsession with one particular girl is a Bit Weird in a situation where you'd hope he'd be thinking about you.
But. You are a person, not a sex object. Your relationship is (hopefully) far more than that. The social aspect is of much greater importance. Obviously you cannot police his p*rn, just as you said. But honestly being obsessed with just one girl is…a little creepy? When there's so much porn on the internet?
No advice for you but I empathise, Anon.

No. 71176

If pic related is the girl then I don't know what you are worried about. Her body type is horrifying like a skeleton with implants.

If you have a problem with it and your bf won't consider your feelings and change then it's probably time to dump him. Obsessing over a specific camgirl is practically on the edge of cheating.

No. 71177


you should play him at his own game. Save hundreds of photos and videos of a male pornstar and see how he feels about that

No. 71179

File: 1512530402424.jpg (Spoiler Image, 59.29 KB, 640x640, 23417239_1933133386948808_2993…)

Sorry, it might have been a bad pic. She's not skelly. Just thin and curvy at the same time. Makes me want to die lol

I've thought about it. It would be entirely an act though because I'm one of those people that's basically only attracted to who they're in love with. Other guys bore me. I guess that makes this whole thing that much worse. I can't expect the same of him but it still hurts.

No. 71182

Tbh i dont think youre being dumb. If youre the type to only feel attracted to your s/o, then you should have a partner who feels the same way or has enough respect to not let his porn be out in plain view lol. It was wrong to snoop through his stuff and you shouldnt do that if you trust the guy, so you mustve had existing doubts about him? Ive personally never snooped through my bfs stuff because he doesnt make me feel insecure for any reason, you deserve the same thing.

Imo finding out a partner has a huge jack off folder for me would be unsettling, finding out its all of ONE GIRL would be a deal breaker. Like other anons said it sounds like a creepy obsession he isnt willing to let go of and is making you feel worse about yourself. Why bother? You can find someone without a growing porn addiction, im sure.

No. 71183

I think there's another way to look at this situation. That's not to say my interpretation is definitely correct, but I want to give anon an alternative opinion: he was comfortable enough with you to let you find this chick. He wasn't going to great lengths to hide his crush on her, and the fact that he was open and honest about it when you confronted him attests to that. That implies that he didn't think it was worth hiding her from you, because he didn't think you'd be jealous since it's just a superficial crush. Considering you found her in his history more than once means he didn't just forget to clear his browser. He didn't mind if you saw his history because he's not trying to hide anything from you. That's a good thing!

Regarding your feelings about your body: I totally relate. I'm a stringbean and I get really self-conscious about not having any curves. But in my experience, I've never met a guy who had a problem with that. The fact is that you're a million times hotter than that chick because you're real. I guarantee that he gets way more turned on seeing you in the flesh than he does just seeing some naked chick on a computer screen. Guarantee it.

Yeah, it's shitty that he's continued to save her pics after you've told him it makes you feel inferior, but as long as he doesn't hide it from you I wouldn't worry about it too much. I know that's easier said than done, but think of it like this: looking at a camgirl is like looking at art in a museum, yeah it looks nice but you can't touch it, all you can do is admire it from afar. But you are his own art: he gets to touch you and admire you and experience your beauty in the flesh. Nothing can top that.

I hope this doesn't sound apologistic, that is not my intention. I just think this guy might be ok, anon! Best of luck <3

No. 71184

Honestly it might not even be a crush at all, exactly. I am gay and I've done similar things, like saving a bunch of pictures of a girl I found hot etc. It doesn't have any particular meaning to me, not attached to them at all beyond thinking they look nice sexually. Doesn't mean I prefer some sexual pictures over an actual gf who I love either. Just like to keep folders of pictures I like, and that includes pictures of girls I think are hot. If it goes beyond that and he stalks this girl as a person or watches videos with her or something, then it might be concerning though.

No. 71187

Totally agree.

I'm >>71183 and I use the term "crush" very loosely to mean just that you think someone's attractive, like a crush on a famous actor or musician.

No. 71190


It's a camgirl which means he very likely watches videos which he's paid for access to, and the folder was named after her and frequently updated. Which definitely fills my criteria for what I would call stalking.


Your interpretation is thoughtful and there's definitely an element of "it's good he's being honest" which I agree with. But if he was so happy with Anon's real-life self (which is likely, since they're dating) he obviously is not expressing it in a manner which is making her feel desirable. The stalking a camgirl thing hurts because she's not feeling cherished. Note the bit where she indulges in sort of reverse pro-Ana behavior of insulting herself while looking at pics of this/similar girls.

No. 71191

There's a collector element to porn too sometimes. The sense that this girl's pictures are rare, not any real feelings for her, might be driving his hording habit.

No. 71192

How do I stop feeling so insecure about my relationship? My boyfriend is like, closer to perfect than any human being I've ever met in my life and it feels as though I really don't deserve him. It's putting a damper on everything for me. Like one day, he might find someone who's better for him.

No. 71194

What he's doing is completely abnormal and you have every reason to leave him over it. Put your foot down and tell him that if he doesn't stop you will leave, you deserve better than this.

No. 71196

just remember, dating is about being with someone who's better for you than someone else, not better than someone else. you should try to focus on the now rather than the if/when.

No. 71199

She didn't even know about it till she snooped. It's not that serious.

No. 71203

It’s tough anon, but you need to just remind yourself that he chose you, he’s choosing you and that he will continue to do so. However do not hold him on a pedestal, he is not perfect no matter how much it may seem. One day he may say something that is hurtful in an arguement, or act without thinking and do something stupid and it’ll crush you more than it normally should - because you’re extreme high expectations of him and also such low opinion of yourself will blow it out of proportion. To save yourself trouble in the now and in the future, maybe even express your insecurities to him, all the while working on yourself and building your own confidence. Being with someone so amazing shouldn’t make you depressed because “what if he finds someone better” and trust me, talking about these things will be healthy and helpful for you. I am a little too open with my bf with my anxiety and insecurities, and it always helps me to feel better - no matter how silly the worry.

No. 71204

File: 1512581879864.jpg (69.71 KB, 500x666, IMG_2422.JPG)

Ive been talking to this girl for 2 months now and she clearly likes me a lot more than i like her
Shes always sending me like romantic messages and she wants to talk literally ALL OF THE TIME if i dobt reply for 10 minutes she messages me hi and while im at work she sends me a bunch of i muss you wish you were here messages
Its made me not like her anymore and wish we hadnt met because theres no way for me to break it off without her like crying
Ps am a girl

No. 71213


You're both teenagers or tweens based on the punctuation. This age group are internet addicts and message all day long as standard. Maybe she just wants a friend idk.
Just say something like you're doing a phone detox to lessen your stress so you're only really online (7-8pm) or whatever time you don't mind chatting. She'll get weaned off or find someone else to talk to.

No. 71221

My partner and I are going ldr.

He is giving me ridiculous terms to work with, he said I can not move in with him after the LDR ends. This means I should move back to a town I am not from, but he does not want to live with me.
He is unwilling to move anywhere for me.

He claims to love me and says he does not want to lose me. Still, I feel like he does not want me long term. Continuing the relationship is something he has insisted and wished. This is why his terms throw me off.

What do you girls think?

No. 71224

Seems to me that he wants to keep you as a backup plan if he doesn't even want to be in the same town.
I could understand not wanting to move in with someone you love because you want your independence from them for the moment, but this seems weird if he really loves you.
And wanting you to move back to a town you're not from is selfish.

No. 71231

Why would he not want to live with you yet he wants you to move? That seems like a red flag. If you guys have been in a long committed relationship it seems natural that you would want to live together.

No. 71233

So he doesn't want to live near you to the point that he doesn't even allow you to live in your home town. Sounds like he is trying to put you on the backburner if he doesn't find anyone else.

Dump him

No. 71294

dump him, baby, you're having tunnel vision right now. trust us

the thing that bothers me the most is that he wants you to sacrifice everything and is not willing to do the same to you. it's either you follow him or you don't. that don't seem right does it now

No. 71346

Same tl;dr anon here again, LMAO (っ- ‸ – ς)

He broke up with me two weeks ago. Or tried to, I just snapped (OOC for me) and coldly told him he doesn't know what he wants (he started outright sobbing and couldn't get words out, tried to say something about "the spark being gone"), and I said that I wasn't going to chase him ("If you want it, come and get it"). Told him I say these things because I love him, then hung up the phone. But I'm considering it a breakup, for simplicity's sake.

I had told him three days before, in a conversation prompted by him, that it did NOT mean that I wasn't willing or did not want to have sex with him. Just that I had anxieties that I needed to work on, and was willing to do so. It's not like I can't enjoy a fun activity with someone I love, after all. He seemed content with the answer and also mentioned he had some sexual problems of his own that he needed to address (among other things, he chronically feels like he doesn't get noticed by ladies, which he mentioned in the beginning of our time together and should have been a red flag - even though he claims he has "alpha" tendencies), and things felt like they were going back into place, but at the end of the night asked for some time to consider his "emotions" and promised that he would call me the next day. As is apparent from the first sentence of this paragraph, he didn't call me until three days later. I didn't pester him in between that time.

Didn't pester him after the break up either, just stopped visiting his social media accounts and deleted him from all contact apps (after I accidentally sent a thumbs up on messenger the next day because I was searching for a meme I had sent him a few days ago and now wanted to send to my friends. Promptly sent a "srry, wrong msg box" and deleted the convo from the beginning of time. How EMBARRASSING, lmao) But it was my birthday a few days ago and something in me broke down and I visited one of his social media accounts. I saw that he and one of his female internet mutuals were quickly buddying up, he was watching new things that she was suggesting (I had been telling him to expand from beyond his comfort bubble for a while now, and always had my eyes and ears open for interesting things to share with him) and posting excitedly about them, and from his posts it was obvious that from behind the scenes he had suggested and they had quickly started voice/vid? calling one another. And when she had multiple tech problems or questions about something, he helped her with tips and tricks or opinions that I had taught him or told him about when he had similar questions. It was like he was trying to relive the excitement of the beginning of his relationship with me, but with him being more like me?

This is the same girl who I once joked had a crush on him because she always jumped to reply to his text posts for the last two months and try to be a shoulder to lean on for him as she refreshed his page constantly, but he never answered her or was very polite but distant in his interaction when a question was asked (we used to spend so much time together on vid call that I would see his private conversations). He told me that it was stupid because why would he jump from one LDR to another LDR with a girl that lived much, much further away (should have noticed the wording then, eh?). He did say then that she reminded him a lot of me, though.

LOL, I am such a hot mess, but then I wept the most strongly I had since the beginning of the break-up and stayed up all night composing a long letter which went through: me telling him how much I'm crying, especially when I see tender (not necessarily romantic) moments between people, telling him that I know that my behavior wasn't exactly happy in the last few months and that I was beginning to get overbearing with my "help", how hard it was for me to make the decision that we would be together for life after he asked, thinking that he also understood that love/commitment was a choice and not a feeling (I told him his good aspects and his bad aspects, and how I weighed them), how I felt cheated that after all the times I helped him emotionally/intellectually/with schoolwork/and financially (once! lol) he ran away when I was beginning to have my own emotional problem, all the moments that we missed by not meeting up IRL, but also that I was really happy that he was happy and looked like he was doing really well (which is what I wanted for him, ultimately ;)), but that I needed to move on and begged him to tell me something that will kill all hope of reconciliation (when a teenager, I was so badly in love with a guy that I pined after him without approaching him for three years, and I guess in my lowest moment now, I was deathly afraid I would do this again - that guy outright rejected me in the most direct but kind terms, and I still deeply respect his wisdom for that rejection until this day - made me value the importance of being direct). Sent it to my now-ex-BF, seen right away - noticed that he still has me under the nickname of "My Girlfriend <3" - but no reply yet. Biggest no-no in the book, hahaha, but I needed to clear my head and I think deep down I wanted to scare him away to never come back. I don't really care about a reply – I'm moving on regardless, because it actually is my own choice to make.

I was going in between feeling fantastic and having waterfalls come from my eyes. I was between thinking "Now I finally have the time for my own projects that I was constantly lacking and hating!" to feeling like I lost something special by my own design or that I was replaced by a "better" version that will be the one who ends up marrying him, as if our earlier promises of commitment meant nothing. I'm not like this – I just want to be level-headed, go-getter myself again. I want to stop wavering. But I can see that every day is getting better, especially if I write things out and don't bottle them.

The girl he is rebounding with – I hope she doesn't get hurt. From her internet presence, she really is a very nice girl, but sometimes a crush makes you do stupid things, especially when you are still a bit naive and think the world is full of good people.

If he ever wants me back in the future, he's going to have to be successful all by himself, and not by sucking all ambition from me, LOL. I understand that his environment and the people around him suck, but he. can. do. it. himself. I never liked playing mother, but I wanted to help him; if he can't appreciate that sometimes love has to be tough, good riddance. However, I never want to go back to that dynamic again.

I am thankful that I am around my parents, even though they don't know what happened, because they show their love for me everyday. And I am thankful for all anons who have read my venting and who have given advice. It really helps. Thank you all. <3

Sage advice.

A bit late, but I tried out Asexualitic last night for shits and giggles. Not really looking for a rebound myself, just wanted to get some asexual perspective on what other options look like. It's the "best" asexual dating website, and it fucking sucks. You gotta pay $15 dollars to activate messages, so I could only browse profiles, and I only found one guy who I personally found attractive looks, age, career, and personality-wise and is close enough to ~theoretically~ work – but also as a LDR. God, he was really handsome, heheheh.

Most of the people there are above-average looking, though, don't get me wrong. But I tend to find that asexual spaces and/or dating websites tend to attract men with something slightly a bit too… feminine? for my tastes.

No. 71384

Should you dump somebody with communication problems right away, or try to help them open up?

No. 71385

it depends, but usually it's better to try to have them open up first. it may be frustrating but the outcome is usually better than the 'what if' if you walk away.

No. 71400

I’m dreading dumping my bf even though I can’t stand being in a relationship with him anymore. He’s in all my friend circles and he’s liable to go clingy and full psycho so I’m most likely going to have to cut off all my friends to get away from him too. Anyone have any advice for this? :(

No. 71404

It probably depends on if they're willing to actually try. Give it some time and see if they actually put in effort.

No. 71417

What exactly is the reason that you want to break up? If it is something to do with his personality and behaviour, I'm sure your friends will not think ill of you as they see it too. If he does go full psycho (which, unfortunately, you cannot predict!), if you have good friends, they will take your side.

No. 71423

My bf and I have a ~4 year difference (20 and almost 24) and I'm realizing after a year that I think he's too young for me.

I just want him to be able to talk to me 1 on 1 and cam for a few minutes because we're LDR but he just wants to jump into comp games with a common friend (cs/squad/pubg) and I get left out. I join the chat anyway to get some talking in but pretty much ignored by the bf. the friend makes an effort to talk to me and make jokes even if he doesn't play 100% in the game, and it's fun. But I have to repeat myself 6 times for my bf to respond. I just feel hurt and we had a big ass fight for the past 3 hours and when I finally said that to him he said "sorry i play games that require me to focus."

He often just jumps to "fuck off cunt" whenever we have a disagreement and when I said it was hurtful and disrespectful he basically said that if i'm going to be in a bad mood just don't talk to him. Idk I'm moving in a month and won't have internet set up for like 1-2 months due to the area and I'm just hurt and sad and lonely packing up my life to move and just want comfort.

what do anons.

No. 71425

>I think he's too young for me.
i can follow this

LDRs are a joke and both of you sound too young to be in one even if they were legit. you should 'dump' him and find someone irl if you want comfort and stuff. people in LDRs will never be more than friends because a relationship demands intimacy. not just physical, but emotional, and you can't create an emotional relationship without being in person.

No. 71426

Not the same anon, but I'd like to hear more about why you think emotional intimacy cannot be created with a LDR?

I think I agree with you, but I don't know why. I'm starting to understand myself that you don't know what a person is truly like unless you interact with them irl.

No. 71427


We've spent about half a year living together when we can visit each other so we're not 100% LDR.

He told me to take the day to figure out what the fuck i want and tbh all I want to do is cry and scream at him and make him understand me but he's just done and wants to sleep.

"You're starting a new life. You need to figure out if im in it or not. Because I am over this pointless bullshit we call a relationship. We change or we move on."

So gg me.

No. 71429

I'm going to have to vehemently disagree with your saying a relationship type works for no one. Not everyone can get emotional intimacy through a screen. Some people can. There are plenty of success stories, and failures.

I'm among both. I met my partner in person and we got along amazingly and had a similar rapport to the one we had on video calls. He's not my "friend."

blah blah I digress, anyway

It's fine to want to play games, but you sound like you feel neglected. Tell him outright, you feel emotionally neglected. If he starts a fight over that, he's kind of a dick. If he refuses to consider your feelings, he is a child and/or jerk and you should dump him. Talking 1 on 1 face to face is a pretty basic relationship need.

No. 71431

File: 1513098410315.gif (1 MB, 275x207, dood.gif)

>Doesn't want to talk 1 on 1 with you
>"He often just jumps to "fuck off cunt" whenever we have a disagreement"
>"when I said it was hurtful and disrespectful he basically said that if i'm going to be in a bad mood just don't talk to him"
Why are you even with him…?

No. 71444

You sound abusive as fuck. Leave him alone.

No. 71465

Indeed, you got some problems man. Let him be

No. 71471

I have left him alone.

Please explain. I want to change for the better

No. 71472

You do realize that the ultimate goal of an LDR is to close the distance, right? Emotional connection and intimacy can indeed be established in a long distance relationship. In my experience, my internet-made relationships and friendships have been my strongest by far. Of course, it's always a good idea to see how things go IRL early on. But long distance isn't inherently bad.

No. 71478

You honestly need to see your doctor and be referred to a therapist. a lot of abusive people say they'll do anything to change, but change is hard, and they go back to their old ways.

I've been there anon. your best bet is to just improve on yourself (because YOU want to improve, not just so other people will like you better) and move on

No. 71491

This might be kind of a lame problem, but I'm genuinely convinced that I'm going to end up dying alone. Most of the guys I've met at my university who I get along with are either gay or have girlfriends and I'm totally not into meeting guys at the club. I find it pretty difficult to meet guys at uni who are single and not gay, which is actually kind of a challenge considering my college major and friend group consists of mostly girls.

I don't think that my standards are too high, only that I would like someone who has similar interests and doesn't only want to hook up. Any anons have similar experiences in university and what did you end up doing about it?

No. 71494

Thirded. She sounds like an abusive trainwreck who strings and puppeteers men, then turns around and goes "uwu".

Leave that poor man alone, jfc.

No. 71500


I don't really see this Anon as abusive. Read the linked posts in
She is in a LDR where the guy seemed to overlook the whole "very very asexual" thing, and now it has finally sunk in, they've broken up. Seems like a communication issue. Being asexual and looking for a relationship doesn't make someone an abuser.

The last post may seem a little harsher, but bear in mind she was thinking it was a long haul and then he changed his mind after finally googling "asexual" idk

No. 71506

As I mentioned before, I am leaving him alone for good. I don't want to manipulate him back, which is the farthest from my intentions, and I certainly don't want to be in a relationship for a very, very long time.

However, if it is the main contention, I don't believe I strung him along at all. I consistently told him about my lack of sexual desire throughout the relationship, and voiced my fears when I thought appropriate. It's just that none of it seemed to be understood until I was so stressed over it that I started crying.

I'm also not saying that I want to improve the problems in my behavior for brownie points. After all, how would anyone on this chat board know what's changed? I ask for what sticks out because those who read the posts have an external point of view of the whole situation, without being emotionally invested.

I would like to elaborate:
I mentioned my asexuality the first day my ex started talking to me. He said he thought it was a tumblr fad, and I tried to explain it more fully, letting him know that I also was very uncomfortable with doing any sexual things. He said that it was fine and he didn't care, but I still wanted to remain just friends. He kept pursuing me romantically and eventually admitted that he loved me. I had already caved from all the attention at the time, told him that I loved him too, as I did, but that there was my "sex problem" and I didn't think I could satisfy his needs. He told me that he only really gets aroused once every six months, so it wouldn't be a problem. (This was rather stupid of me, as he posts porn on his tumblr daily.) I thought I could work with that and decided to give the LDR a try, working on making myself less averse to trying sex in general.
A few months in he mentioned marriage. I said I wasn't sure about getting married at all. The next day he told me that both his sister and his best friend said that he should tell me to "Fuck off" and cut all contact with me if I wasn't interested in marriage. I once again brought up that I thought I couldn't satisfy him sexually, but he told me that as long as I made a good sandwich (this was our type of humor), it didn't matter that I was "frigid". I told him that if he was so intent on pursuing me, and since it appeared that he wanted sex more often than he initially claimed (he had told me recently that his libido had "returned to teenage levels"), why not have an open relationsip? I didn't mind him sleeping with other girls at all. He didn't like the idea and said that he wanted to be in a comitted, monogamous relationship. I told him that I needed some time to consider marriage.
I deliberated on it for about a week. I thought about how we could make it work in the long run (since we obv were LDR and students, too). I decided that maybe marriage could be an option and once again I brought up that I was not a sexual person (I had by that time been trying to get more comfortable with sex and my body, getting close to my first post >>66963), but he told me that he would not leave me over something so stupid and hedonistic. Thinking I had found something special, I told him that I could see us getting married. He was so happy, he automatically started asking me about the type of engagement ring I wanted. We both promised each other that we'd stick together until our very deaths.
Look, I realize now that this was a thing that was said in the heat of the moment for him, as he was completely smitten. I don't look badly on him for not putting a lot into one promise, but I put a lot of weight on it when I said it. I wouldn't have sent him a quarter of my paycheck, helped him keep track of appointments or with editing his essays for uni, and look for business ventures that we could do together and help supplement his family's income if I didn't 100% believe we had a long future together. Also, these were things he asked me to do for him, and I did not bring them up initially or by force. It might have been annoying to remind him (at his behest) five times in the same day that he should call his internet and TV service provider so that he wouldn't have pay late fees, each time with the response, "A bit later" and have him continue to post on his social media until it was too late, but I thought we were on the same page and that we'd support each other through thick or thin and grow better together.
This is about the time I posted my first two posts on here.

No. 71507

Also, as I realize that this may be misconstrued: "lack of sexual desire" does not mean that by the end I was unwilling to perform sexual acts. What I described before as "want to have sex" stemmed from a want to make him happy by doing something that he wanted to do and which we could both enjoy albeit for different reasons, and not from a want to get off itself. What I describe as a "lack" is simply an indifference - if not initiated by another person, I have no drive to seek out sex on my own. My fear was that there would seem to be something missing on a fundamental level - passion? I had the notion that he wanted a sex cougar moaning in bed rather than a girl smiling up at him with all admiration in her eyes, which he said nothing to when I asked.

This is how I tried explaining it to him before as well, but perhaps it was confusing?

No. 71575

my Bfs sister is visiting and they never get to have time just them hanging out, so he made plans with her to go shopping. I told her I wasn’t coming and she started to make a big deal thinking it was weird he wouldn’t want me to come along, now I’m all paranoid even though before I really thought nothing of it. Is it weird for my bf to want to spend alone time with his sister without me?

No. 71578

Wtf anon? That's not weird at all, and his sister probably thought it was weird because she thought you didn't want to hang out with her. You sound paranoid, get help

No. 71584

I feel like I am watering a dead plant. My feelings of affection towards my s/o of 2 years have, seemingly, completely faded. No "big event" catalyzed it–but over the span of several months I've just become apathetic towards him. But, he's still devoted and in love with me. I've mentioned the concept of a breakup with him; he was in tears. Ending it before the new year would seem most gratifying because I feel like I could start 2018 on a clean slate. I don't know what to do, I feel guilty and am uncertain in my feelings.


No. 71586

Just venting.
All my bf seems to do lately is yell at me.
We haven't talked much lately due to work schedules. He's usually quite distant anyway. But I asked him if he could tell me he cared about me and he responded by asking me "if I was high" via text, and then calling me to get angry some more.

I want to ask why he's even with me anymore if he just responds that way to me (which is almost all the time now). But he always apologises (even if I apologise first) and tells me he isn't trying to fight.

I wasn't trying to fight either. I just wanted some affection.

No. 71590

The same thing happened to my 5 year relationship. You have two options, essentially. Stay, try to make it work, or leave, find happiness with someone else. You really have to be selfish in this kind of situation because you don't want to be miserable for the rest of your life. Now is a good a time as any to change the course of your future.

No. 71593

This prob. isn't the relevant thread, but I'm hoping some of you can give me some advice.

I'm currently living in Asia as a student, and for fun and excitement I like to offer GF-experience for men in exchange for clothing, bags and other material goods. Never cash.

Anyway I recently met this guy who offered me a ''job'' where I would go to Dubai, stay for a month and entertain some rich arabs and go home 250K USD richer.

Sounds too good to be true, right?

No. 71594


Don't go. Chances are they want you to work as a prostitute, if anything bad happens to you, Dubai doesn't give a shit about women rights and foreign women are less than camel shit to them.

No. 71595

Yeah, that's what I thought. The rumours about human trafficking and the sharia court you'll go to if they catch you sounds scary too.

Not worth it. Thanks anon.

No. 71596

>they want you to work as a prostitute
She already is one, anon.

No. 71597

Anon, you're already fucking careless about your life since you're a prostitute (btw receiving bags and other items instead of cash still means prostitution. Just call it what it is, you're a prostitute), but are you serious you even considered going to the middle east to be one? Fucking lol. It's obvious they're tricking you, that's incredibly shady and there are multiple stories about similar situations happening to women worldwide, which are always shocking and often end in death. If you're lucky maybe you won't end up dead due to selling your easy cunt in Asia or Europe or whatever, but your chances of dying in Dubai would definitely be higher due to what others have already explained.
You're not only filthy but also really stupid.
Sage because I'm triggered asf by this. Even with lots of information out there some women still willingly do this to themselves for easy cash, this is really putrid. I know I'm harsh but hearing the truth is definitely better than being trafficked and dying in a foreign country because of your greed.

No. 71605

What did you do, if I may ask? I’m wondering if it’s even possible to revert back to my old feelings after having such a long period of indifference towards him.

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