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No. 382626
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>>381978I've been talking to a guy I've met online and it has been generally really nice.
He has very similar views and we share a lot of interests. He is well read and educated, cooks, doesn't drink/smoke/do drugs, has a very good job while still doing his degree, is independent, writes me (cheesy) poetry, makes me laugh, works out despite being a shy nerd and etc. Generally pretty much everything I would like from a guy.
Problem is that I'm not particularly attracted to his face. I don't think he is ugly, just average or maybe slightly above-average looking. And I can see that he is taking care of himself so even if I were to suggest to him a haircut that I would like more, I don't think much would change.
I know my looks could easily land me someone way more handsome (already did a few times), but the odds of me finding someone that has his other traits and views, while also not wanting kids are probably pretty slim. I know that I’m pretty young (25) but I also know that I’m not getting younger.
Am I being too picky? Would this be settling?
No. 382671
>>382626It's difficult, I don't think there's a right or wrong answer here. I know anons are going to come for me for feeling this way put personally I think everyone settles to some degree because the perfect partner doesn't exist. Personally I'm leaning towards giving him a chance considering he isn't ugly and beauty doesn't last anyway (especially not in men). In 20 years when you're both nearing 50s it doesn't matter if he was handsome in his youth.
But if you deep down dread continueing this because of his looks, then that's your answer and just cut it off. You probably know the answer if you're honest with yourself.
No. 382791
>>382770This is the better way to word it.
>>382785Exactly, lmao. He never stands up for himself with his guy friends but always argues with me and gets offended when I tell him something. Like I'm the bad guy for telling him his guy friends are using him to get him to do work for their projects for free but not his scumbag friends.
No. 382869
I feel like the relationship I'm in is healthy, at least compared to past relationships, he's not some porn addict without a job, but he's overworking himself to the point where I feel lonely. Like we hang out often, but he's not completely there. It's like seeing a happy friend now always sad. He's currently working a second job because his main source of income does not entirely pay all the bills, but this second job pretty much holds him up for the majority of the year. The take back is that it's very tedious and his social battery is nearly zero when we're together. I told him that I do hate his second job because for the first 2 months of us being together, things were great and this job has sucked him away. He's doing his best to not have to do this job again, at least to this intensity, but on a day to day basis right now, I'm so stressed and worried for him. He is so tired, he can't even do hobbies he enjoys. I depresses me seeing on a day to day basis he isn't practicing his passion. He knows he is unable to do this stuff, but his mindset is that it's a fact of life and we learn to deal with it, especially when there's debts to be paid. I feel like I need to go to therapy to go through this. Last night, he also brought up the fact that, yes, this is how the nature of his second job is. He doesn't like it, but it's what he's done for multiple years. It just put into my head that he'll continue to do this next year. I even thought about the future, like if we have kids is he going to be a mentally present father? I asked him if he were more career oriented or family oriented and we had a 5 hour discussion going back and forth about how things can be better. The jist of it is that I feel overwhelmed by this and I feel lonely, but he can't do much because he needs a roof over his head. He has forewarned me about how this second job is going to be stressful, but I didn't know the reality of how stressful it would be. He says he's not faulting me for being this way, he knew I wasn't going to be able to handle it, but he doesn't have any further expectations of how this would affect our relationship. He's asking how he can help, but I don't know what else he can do, he's practically booked for a few more months. I have to be patient for a total of nearly 6 months to see the man I have loved for our first 2 months together. What do I do? Do I start booking my therapist appointments? I know I can't do this alone.
No. 383033
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I was snooping because i had a weird gut feeling.
i woke up around the same time he was downloading porn, didnt know at the time but thought it was weird that he was on his laptop. we ended up having sex. dunno how to feel now i know what he was doing before hand.
nonas how would you feel/react if your partner did this?
No. 383041
>>383033Like
>>383035 says, only huge retards and porn addicts download porn. That is a serious sign of porn addiction. If he was just streaming I would consider a second chance but any moid who downloads porn is probably unsalvageable.
No. 383046
>>383039>>383044You cheated with your EX? Girl… I don't think it'll be possible for the relationship to continue long-term. You're clinging to what the relationship was before the betrayal, but that relationship is over. The foundational trust has been broken. Rebuilding it may not be possible. If you're young, I don't see why you would spend the time, energy, and money on couples therapy like
>>383042suggested, though I guess it's a possibility if you're determined to make it work. There's still a big chance it won't, though. My advice is to learn from the mistake, forgive yourself, and move on.
No. 383054
>>3830487th grade? How old are you? Honestly you sound underage
I couldn't cheat on someone i truly loved, also the fact you did it with a shitty ex makes it worse. You need to grow up
No. 383435
>>383301ntayrt but I understand you getting the ick. I felt the same way when I found out the guy I was dating was promiscuous before. It bothered me for sure; slutty men are off putting. Also nona, he was acting very selfishly and irresponsibly with both of you guys' health.
I don't have any advice but I'm sorry you have to deal with the situation. I hope the test results come back clean.
No. 383455
>>383444Masturbating is normal, pretty much everyone does it.
Flaunting about it though, even to friends, is pretty much always a red flag, especially in men since it usually stems from porn addiction and/or liking gross sex jokes. And in my experience, men that publicly make gross sex jokes are very often misogynist as well.
You almost definitely dodged a bullet there.
No. 383503
>>383493Oh dawg I wish I had advice and not just commiseration but I feel you SO HARD. Like it is absolutely harrowing to edit my sense of humor to not make people feel put off or stupid and I CRAVE an interaction where I can say exactly what comes to my mind. A decade long relationship just ended for me and not only is trying to carry conversation with other men tricky and lackluster where half of my jokes go right over their head or I can tell they had to google what I said to come up with a response, but I only miss the ex when I have a joke or quip literally no one else would understand- which I wasn’t expecting to be, like, a dozen times a day. Like this man treated me like I was barely human but he actually laughed at my fucking jokes and references and it kept me around in spite of that treatment….
I may just sound bitter but I’m finding as I go that the men with quick enough wit to make me laugh and find me funny as well end up grossing me out anyways because, almost always, they also use that intelligence to be manipulative of me or others so womp womp.
No. 383521
>>382765>>382785Ugh, I’m a heterosexual woman myself so I understand that it’s annoying when people say “just don’t date men lol” but I’ve had this thought for a while that if you want to have relationships with them, it’s optimal to just be friends. You basically get everything you need (besides sex and some other forms of physical affection) minus most of the drama and disappointments. At least if you don’t give a rip about starting a traditional family.
If they start to like you and pine after you then that’s their problem. Most of them for some reason build resentment towards the women who actually like them and want to be loyal to them, such as wives and gfs, and this is why the majority of them aren’t suited for actual romantic relationships in my opinion.
No. 383526
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Nonnas, i really need help, please.
I've been all over the vent thread for a few months already, but i thought it would be better to post it here since it involves a "relationship". I apologize for how long this text will be, but i will try to explain it the best i can. Keep in mind in advance that im a retarded autistic bpd-chan.
So, i met this boy back in 2017 when i was 18 and he was 20. We met online while playing a mmorpg, and we instantly clicked so well together while talking that he told me he was developing a crush on me. We had a small thing online for a few months because i was too scared and anxious of meeting him in real life, until he "broke up" with me because he didn't want to be ldr. We broke up in great terms and decided to keep close to each other as friends.
The thing is, when he broke up with me, it was the moment i had fully developed feelings for him, since i'm slow in that aspect, but i was more than satisfied being only friends with him since i always felt he was out of my league so hard.
Just to contextualize, i tried to kill myself back in 2018, so i think this can show how well i was and been doing mentally so far.
Even though i liked being close to him as friends, i was still in love with him, i would beat myself to it everyday for losing someone like him. Back then i thought i would never find anyone that was that sweet, kind and lovely towards me, and, honestly, the more time goes by, more i believe it. He forced my heart and body to learn what feeling love for someone is, he is the first and only person i ever loved and love like this. He was the only one that treated me well. Fast forward to september 2022, we were still talking to each other of course, and at some point, i made a small half-joke-half-flirt that he took seriously and started to directly hit on me (he said this himself to me, that he took the chance to be direct with me), which i obviously loved. It was the first time i was able to feel what having butterflies in your stomach feels like. Of course i still loved him with all my heart, i was so happy that i would be able to finally have my second chance with him, i would be able to finally give him the love he deserved from me since the beginning, our compatibility was as strong as ever and of course i started to reciprocate his feelings. Looking back at the messages nowadays, i noticed he was already flirting with me since the beginning of 2022 and my retarded ass didn't notice it at all because i just couldn't believe someone like him would be able to love a piece of trash like me ever again, so i was in heaven.
But things were sour in my life when this happened. I got close to a manipulative moid some time after i tried to commit suicide, and he was still making my life hell because i couldn't distance myself from him, not only that, i had another moid that was sexually harassing me online sending me unsolicited pics and things like that. It had nothing to do with the boy i like, but dealing with those things was so overwhelming already that i just panicked when i realized i would have to deal with the romantic feelings i repressed for so many years, Meeting his family, meeting him, my severe self-image issues and all that. Thing is, i made the worst decision possible i could ever had. Instead of telling him and looking for his support, i just ended up ghosting him because i'm a retarded, i have no idea why i did that. He kept sending me messages looking for me, asking if things were ok, and i just didn't answer. That after telling him i loved him and wanted to be with him, which, well, is the absolute truth.
Fast forward to 2023, a friend of mine helped me to deal with the manipulative moid and the other moid that was harassing me, yes i spent another whole year being abused like that because i wasn't able to get away from that situation on my own, and i told him about what i did to the nigel i love. We agreed on me telling nigel about what happened and to apologize to him. I messaged him in november 2023, decided to get close to him and to be a different woman, show him that i regret it and wanted to be better, even if he didn't want me romantically anymore. It was a rocky path at the beginning, but we started slowly talking again, in january 2024, i actually felt some affection coming from him towards me. I confessed to him and told him everything that happened and apologized. Though things weren't like they were back then, i felt like he was starting to open up more to me a little, he told me he was lonely and wanted me to accompany him playing things and such. Well, but my life is a joke, my laptop is so old and shitty that i couldn't play with him and i didn't have time to watch the stuff re recommended me. So mid february he started to change with me, he got cold again and giving short messaged like he did when i first messaged him. Now this last week he also ignores me on top of the short messages, and this is hurting me a lot. I don't know if he holds some resentment towards me or if he thinks i didn't want to do things with him, but it just hurts so much. I can't resent him and honestly i feel like i deserve to be hurt like this for what i did to him. I'm still so deep in love with him, it's been 7 years and i don't think my heart will ever let go of him, i don't think anyone will ever love me like he did and treat me like that, just the thought of not talking to him ever again is enough to make me spirail into an anxiety attack, but all of this is hurting me so much that it's making me suicidal and i have no idea of what should i do. I'm even crying tipyng all this.
All i want is to be by his side again, i'm having meltdowns daily because of this situation and i think about him 24/7. Some advice would be highly appreciated, nonnas. I'm losing my fucking mind and i want to harm myself, please.
No. 383528
>>383526Nona, you are beating yourself up about this so much more than you deserve. Your horrible crime was what, not wanting to move at the same pace as this guy when you were barely an adult, and not speaking to him for a year when you were being abused? If he was truly everything you say he was, he would have empathy and compassion for your situation and for you as a person. Think about it, if he disappeared for a year because of something bad happening in his life that he couldn't control, would you hold it against him? Probably not. I think you are idealizing him and putting him on a pedestal. I'm not saying he's terrible and you should let him go, but I am saying maybe you should wonder if you're holding on because of a sunk-cost fallacy, or because he represents something greater to you. Ultimately, it doesn't sound like you deal with things in the healthiest way, so I think you might want to get to the root of what's going on with you. I mean this in the nicest way, you sound like you're rather avoidant and not the best communicator. So it might be worth it to just be very straightforward about some of your technical difficulties and make it clear you're invested in the relationship working. I know you're afraid he won't wait for you, that it might be too late, but if he's worth it, he will try to meet you halfway here. You're not terrible for any of this, and I hope you don't harm yourself. No relationship is worth that. I think you should try to work on yourself, whether the two of you get together or not.
No. 383545
>>383526You literally did nothing wrong. I saw your vent posts too and I just feel bad for you that you're beating yourself up. You did NOTHING wrong. Everything you did makes sense in context. You are allowed to be emotional, it's not a crime. You are allowed to ghost people when you're dealing with serious stuff, the absence of your communication is not an assault on him. If he liked you he would be very understanding.
> I can't resent him and honestly i feel like i deserve to be hurt like this for what i did to him. You DON'T deserve to be hurt.
>i don't think anyone will ever love me like he did and treat me like thatTreat you like what? Flirt with you and play games online? Give you butterflies? Reciprocate your feelings? That absolutely does exist with other people out there, he is not the only one.
>just the thought of not talking to him ever again is enough to make me spirail into an anxiety attack, but all of this is hurting me so much that it's making me suicidal and i have no idea of what should i do. Seek help for your suicidal thoughts.
No. 383572
>>383545I agree with you on all other things, but, and I may me alone on this, I still think it's a shitty move to spend almost a quarter of your life talking to someone, develop mutual feelings for each other and then suddenly leave without saying a word.
It would have been different if she let him know what was going on, or even said something like "I need time to deal with personal stuff", but judging by the fact that he kept reaching out, I'm assuming she didn't.
Of course she doesn't own him anything, but I would have felt hurt if someone I thought cared about me suddenly tossed me like a rag.
>>383526But in the end, if he cared that much about you, he would have definitely understood what you had to go through and would have forgiven you.
If he still does resent you over it, it might be not be the best idea to try to pursue things with him, since he might just use it as a leverage whenever you would argue, which would make you keep reliving your old trauma.
Personally, I would confront him about the way he is making you feel.
> I don't know if he holds some resentment towards me or if he thinks i didn't want to do things with him, but it just hurts so much.Ask him directly about these things, making sure to let him know that you would rather hear the truth, even if it hurts. If he is even half as good as you are making him out to be, then I'm sure he will give you an honest answer.
Otherwise you will keep overthinking whatever he does and hurt yourself more in the process.
You are young, you can still definitely find love. The earlier you start moving on, the better.
No. 383577
>>383469by in too deep, I meant emotionally. I've been thinking about him every single day,if not every hour, for 4 years now.
>>383472yeah I guess.. It's really stupid but he's quite literally the only reason I'm still alive right now. He gives me hope that there's still something for me in the future because otherwise I have nothing. I don't know..
>>383484I don't know if I want to 'run away' from my family like that, if I have to I probably will but I feel like there has to be another way. Either way I still need a job first or the ability to get a job before I can depend on him like that.
sorry for the cringe I know I sound like a complete idiot, I never thought I'd be talking about someone that way myself but oh well. I'm just trying to find a reason to leave but nothing is convincing to me. I already tried to do leave him once before and I went back running after less than 2 days lol
No. 383663
God I feel like such a fucking moron. I've been with this guy for 8 years.I caught him paying for only fans a few months ago, and had a bit of meltdown. I tried to breakup with him, but I was too weak to follow through when he begged. Things had been alright, and he promised to stop, and I, an idiot believed him. When I went to bed last night, I found him having fallen asleep to belle Delphine tiktoks. I'm so fucking disgusted I don't even know what to do with myself. I haven't seen him since, and I might not see him until Saturday because of our work schedules so I've just been stewing all day.
I feel like the dumbest person alive. When we started I was young enough that I didn't see the problem with porn, and now I feel like it's probably too late to make him stop. Our lives are so intertwined, we spend a lot of time with each other's families and it would be horrible to never see them again. My plans (and his) for the next couple years depend on our partnership, and there is no way i could afford to be on my own. I really truly thought he was it for me but I'm so fucking revolted by what I saw. I'm heartbroken because we don't even have sex that often, but he apparently goes to bed early to jerk it to egirls. I know I'm a retard for asking, but has anyone made progress in a relationship like this?
No. 383730
>>383671Whack thing is I own the house we live in, but I can't afford the mortgage by myself, and I'm planning to be in grad school next year so I really won't be able to afford it. I love this house, and the two of us have put so much work into it. I'm honestly questioning if I'm overreacting, because we are so great otherwise.
>>383672Fuck I know
No. 383858
>>383528>he would have empathy and compassion for your situationI feel like he was doing that, allowing me to get closer to him, wanting to do stuff together, but i think due to me not being able to do these things with him, he might have given up on me thinking i didn't change at all. It's something that's in my head.
>I think you are idealizing him and putting him on a pedestalI definitely am, nonna. I'm completely obsessed with him. He is everything i always looked for in a nigel.
>I mean this in the nicest wayDon't worry,
nonny you sound nothing but nice and i really appreciate it. My bpd is the worse it ever was these last few months, but i decided that, once i get a job, i'm going back to therapy and medication. The friend i mentioned is also helping me a lot to understand myself and work on my issues.
>You're not terrible for any of this, and I hope you don't harm yourself. No relationship is worth that. I think you should try to work on yourself, whether the two of you get together or not.Thank you so much, i'm really trying to become a better version of myself, not only for me, but to not repeat the same mistakes i did with him to someone else in the future. I will try to work things out!
>>383545>I saw your vent posts tooKek, i'm sorry for making you reread all that bullshit again, anon.
>the absence of your communication is not an assault on himThis sentence definitely gave me a new perspective about my feelings towards all of this, you are right.
>Seek help for your suicidal thoughts.I appreciate your strong and direct words, nonna. I was really needing something like this as well.
>>383572>but I would have felt hurt if someone I thought cared about me suddenly tossed me like a ragYes, that's why i'm beating myself so hard over it, i know what i did was a pos move and that's the reason i genuinely apologized to him. He was the only person i didn't want to hurt, and i still managed to take all the wrong decisions possible at the time and hurt him. I only started talking to him again because i'm 100% set on being a better person and want to show it with not only an apology like i did, but also with actions.
>You are young, you can still definitely find love. The earlier you start moving on, the better.I will talk to him about it, you are right nonna, thank you for your input in this dumb situation i put myself in.
Thank nonnas for the help, i'm going to try to work things out.
No. 384696
>>384652I would bring it up - I think it's worth peaking your boyfriend. Otherwise, you'll stay worried about him trooning, and he'll probably get brainwashed online into thinking liking femboys and traps isn't degenerate faggotry. I've expressly told my boyfriend that I would leave him instantly if he trooned out, and I think more women should do the same.
Most normie people are pro-trans until they are forced to hit peak trans. I used to watch contrapoints back when I was deep in my non-critical-thinking handmaiden days, and now I look back and can't believe I ever took that obvious fetishist seriously. Honestly just showing him the transgender crime statistics, pointing out that threatening suicide when you don't get your way is a classic abuser tactic, and showing him the new WPATH files should do the trick. Remind him that "the science" used to promote lobotomies and maintained that black people were intellectually inferior to whites.
Two hypotheticals seem to work on the pro-science, pro-tranny crowd. One is this - ask him to explain why it wouldn't be possible to be transracial. If you can identify with the social expectations, garb, and "culture" of one sex, why can't you strongly identify with another culture to the point you believe you were born in the wrong body?
The other is to get him to explain why body identity integrity disorder is a mental illness but being trans isn't. If he brings up the brain studies, point out that the only brain differences measured were between heterosexuals and homosexuals, and did not measure "a woman's brain in a man's body."
No. 384699
>>384688It sounds like you know exactly what the issue is, which means it's time to confront him about it. Foreclose the possibility of him blowing you off by starting off with, "I notice that you either ignore me or change the subject when I bring up anything uncomfortable." That way, if he does blow you off, you can point out that's exactly what you're talking about. Set some boundaries. Tell him that you're tired of him always being late, and that you'll cancel dates in the future unless he shows up. I'll bet he's never late to work, and always listens attentively to his boss - tell him you expect him to respect you in the same way, if not more so because he purports to love you.
Appeal to the fragile male ego - men are very, very afraid of being seen as cowardly, and they like to think of themselves as le rational problem solvers. Use both of these things to your advantage. Tell him you think it's cowardly that he hides away and avoids the difficult conversations. Also, tell him that you want to be a problem solver and actually face and fix the difficult things, and not just avoid and hide from them. I do this all the time with my boyfriend and it really works. Once you start challenging their perceptions of how they see themselves (e.g., "I'm not a coward! I like to fix things! I'm a problem solver!") they'll rush in to prove themselves and you'll actually get some work done.
No. 384709
>>384652Yes, it's a problem. If you want children think of the risk of him getting them on blockers or of him trooning in front of your children. Also if you out yourself as a
terf to him he will use it against you.
My boyfriend has to be careful about what he says openly because his field is troon-adjacent but he tells me he finds them immature, repulsive, and degenerate. Without prompting he told me that troons harassing lesbians is equivalent to corrective rape in his eyes. That's how any potential boyfriend should be if you are a
terf.
No. 384881
>>384741That's good! I hope all works out. He may be a hard worker because he knows it's a place where he knows he can be in control, so when he feels out of control (ie. Being in a relationship, feeling like he's losing his "I" when topics of "we" become more frequent) remind him of his great responsibility and individuality. He'll likely look for reasons to confirm this idea he has that no one understands him, due to bad experiences, but often remind him he's his own person.
My Nigel is the same, even through this rough patch we had for a couple weeks, he still wanted to have sex, but I felt like I had to force myself to hold his hand and give him hugs. Many men view affection has something sucking them away from their individuality. Men like this also need more space throughout the days, so fill your free time up with catching up with friends, he'll feel more secure knowing you have a life outside of the relationship too.
I listened to a podcast called Jillian On Love and she had a 2 part segment about the Chaser and Runner dance, and also one about anxious avoidant attachment. Take notes from those 3 episodes and see what you can apply from there into your relationship.
No. 384901
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>>384899I feel no pity if this is real kek picrel is your wholesome tranny scrote
No. 384924
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>>381978i started talking to a guy i met online over a month ago and so far its been super good, except he's 22 years older than me. he's honestly really hot and we share a bunch of similarities that are just kinda crazy to me, and we talk for hours every night. im obviously an adult, but the difference in age is massive, and if things pan out well, i have no idea how to tell people around me.
there's honestly no red flags, and a lot of green ones regarding our age difference and who he is as a person. im a degenerate and do like older men, so im pretty set on this. any tips on how to tell people in the future would be very much appreciated. TIA nonnies!
No. 384934
>>384652How pro-trans is he? A lot of people say that and they are just repeating a sentiment of support without really thinking about it or caring. Does he just not want them to get hate-crimed or does he think they’re actually women and he would marry one? The most fundamental issue is that men can’t physically become women and vice versa, it’s all a lie. It doesn’t even prevent suicides to transition because eventually trannies butt up against the fact that the closest they can get is all cosmetic superficial stuff after putting their bodies through hell for years. The dysmorphia is distressing but it’s mental and cannot be solved through physical altercations, or even if it’s a relief at what cost does it come? How sustainable is it? Is it real relief or just succumbing to the mental illness? Compare it to anorexia: you’d never support an anorexic’s desire to starve because they feel fat in their body, you would want to get them help and make them healthy. Or the way a plastic surgery addict is never happy because they got surgery, it’s a surface level fix, there are deeper issues.
I don’t know, just offering some things you could discuss with him.
No. 384963
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I've always heard advice about "the first argument" as a benchmark for the relationship, like "don't do x until you've argued" or "you don't know who someone really is until you see them argue" but I dunno what to do with that advice because my bf and I just haven't had anything to argue about.
We even had a discussion about this since we've both been told this sort of thing before, and we're both kinda confused on what to make of it. We tried exploring some controversial topics to see if we could at least find something significant that we didn't agree on (even if we're not motivated to fight about it) but we only really disagree on frivolous things like food preferences, nothing actually serious.
It seems like the sentiment behind it is that people are concealing their "real self" until you have a fight, or that you must not be getting into the weeds of serious discussions if you haven't found anything to disagree on, but I mean… We discuss all sorts of things, we just always have similar views. He'll bring up values that I agree with and I really doubt he is making it up because he actually lives them and is consistent when he talks to others (also he's kind of autistic and clearly not good at lying or being indirect).
More of a blessing than a problem I guess but any thoughts on this? Should I just ignore this common advice?
No. 385045
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This is more of a vent rather than asking for advice but whatever:
I want to break up with my boyfriend but I don’t know if it’s the right thing to do.
I wanted to break up for at least 6 months now but I still believe he might change. He’s lazy, does nothing but work and watch youtube shorts or whatever, never goes anywhere with me, no dates etc. I hate visiting him because his flat always nasty and just plain uncomfortable. But he never visits my place either (he says it’s too small - I live in a dorm room) so I’m always the one who has to spend an hour per week to come to his place. And whenever I’m at his place we never do anything except watching shows in his crumbly bed - when I’m lucky we play some Magic the Gathering for 30 minutes until he wants to lie down and watch shows. I’m so fucking bored with this relationship even though I do love him a lot - as a best friend, but not as my partner. He’s funny and has the same retarded humor as I have, I can say whatever is on my mind and he will understand or not judge me at least. But I can’t imagine a future with him anymore as his manchild behaviour doesn't seem to go away. It doesn’t really help that I’m just not sexually attracted to him anymore at all - he doesn’t really take care of himself, he gained a significant amount of weight and when he goes to work I have to remind him to put on some clean clothes not the stained ones that were lying around on the dirty floor and to brush his fucking teeth.
But the problem is that I have a massive crush on a guy I know from uni (which is so shitty of me, I know, but I can’t help it) and now I do not know whether I want to break up with him because of his bad traits OR because I have a (possibly short-term) crush on someone who is the opposite of my boyfriend. I wanted to break up with him way longer than my new infatuation with someone else but I feel like a terrible person anyway. The reason I haven’t broken up yet is because he had exams in the past few weeks and I didn’t want to add more stress to his already stressful time. I don’t even know why I’m rambling here, sorry nonas
No. 385051
>>385045There is an old saying "Shit or get off the pot"
You are going to either start bossing him around to do what you want, and threaten him if you can't do normal life things then I'm leaving. He will be upset as to why you are suddenly being so nasty and you will respond with because I have always wanted you to do these things and you leave much to be desired. He will either do them or give you an ultimatum like, if you can't accept me like this then leave. Or you're going to rip off the band-aid and move on with your stinking life. As time heals all, 3 years from now you will wonder why you ever stayed with him for so long. Next time you will be able to identify red flags and know when to nope out before you get comfortable
No. 385289
>>384963I don't think I had a semi-serious disagreement with my boyfriend until 4 years into our relationship, when we moved out of our small apartment and into a rental home. Chores weren't an issue when we only had 700 sq feet to take care of, but it turned out that he was unwilling to significantly increase the time he spent on chores, which was a requirement when we upgraded to 2000 sq feet and a lawn we had to maintain. Before then, we didn't have much to argue about. It kind of blew the lid open on us arguing though, and now we get in fights over things that we never would have before, like interpretation of social situations on reality tv.
> we only really disagree on frivolous things like food preferences, nothing actually serious.Like other anons said, I think it's really important to know how long you've been together and if you live together or not. If you and your boyfriend have similar values and are both sane and reasonable, it's very easy to avoid fights over things that don't actually matter. It's not until your partner does things that cost you more money, time, energy, etc than you would like to give, and you would like to change your partner's behavior, that things start to get contentious. And chores are such a huge, huge thing, and they're very hard to manage in a way that makes everybody happy.
For example:
You would like 100 units of chores done per week because that's the level of cleanliness you like to live at. Your partner is happy at the level of cleanliness that you achieve with only 70 units of chores, and he doesn't personally see the benefit from it being any cleaner. How do you manage that extra workload? Do you take it on entirely yourself? Do you expect him to do half of it, even though he doesn't really benefit like you do? Do you choose some in-between? Where should that fall?
There's pretty much no option here that doesn't build resentment, even if everybody involved is doing their chores reliably, efficiently, and well (which is usually not the case), and they're measuring their effort consistently. Talking about it is hard because you're necessarily asking the other person to sacrifice some of their valuable time to give you some time back.
(And then you get resentful about wasting time arguing because that time could've been spent on chores.)
Overall, it sounds like you're in a good spot, so long as you're not just avoiding fights because one of you is conflict-avoidant and capitulates immediately every time.
No. 385404
I got ghosted recently and I can't get over it. Usually I can and wouldn't care but this person felt truly special to me. He was my dream partner in literally every way before he ghosted. And I just can't get over it, I'm really annoying myself and beating myself up over everything because of this. I can't stop thinking about what I did wrong, we were getting along so well. When I do my hobbies, job or other things they don't distract me for long before my thoughts go wandering back to him again. It also sucks because we had so much in common including our hobbies and interests so a lot of times I'm like "oh I'll talk to him about this, I bet he would like this" but then I remember he won't reply at all. I really miss talking to him. I'm able to distract myself when hanging out with my best friend but obviously she's not always available and neither am I so that doesn't help that much.
I've been trying to meet new people, meet new guys. Met a really good looking guy with a cute accent and yet I still prefer just about everything about my ghost boy compared to all the others. I suppose I find them all boring compared to him.
When I talk to other guys I just wish I was talking to him instead, I really liked talking to him and I miss it so much.
I think one of the things that's getting to me the most is how unexpected it was. The day before he ghosted, we were making plans together, that HE initiated.
And obviously, I try to keep reminding myself things such as "he's just a moid, probably watches porn, probably jerked off to gross shit before" and "if he was really that amazing he'd at least spare a minute of his time to tell me he no longer wants to talk" and whilst I agree with those things…. ultimately, I still miss talking with him a lot. It's been a while (maybe forever?) since I found someone so engaging to be around or someone I had so much in common with. Simply talking to him would really entertain me and make me so happy. He seemed to feel the same way. Even though I don't want to want this, I desire to simply just listen to him talk all day. About anything. I think my love language is words.
I feel so pathetic in every way but nothing I'm trying is working. I wish I could completely stop thinking about him. I have never in my life felt anything even similar to this before.
No. 385409
I am an idiot and I need to stop being so stupid. Sorry in advance for the long post.
I'd reconnected with my ex after 5 years. We didn't break up because we didn't like each other, but because the distance kinda drove us apart and we'd just stopped talking. He lived in a different state, same time zone but it took 2 hours by plane. Neither of us was in a particularly good place financially to sustain the travel. I had contemplated moving out there because he had obligations that prevented him from leaving, but ultimately found a job that kept me here.
Reconnecting with him was nice. We had a lot of common interests and we were still very attracted to each other. He says he adores me. He told his mom that we'd started talking again and she was very thrilled. He also mentioned that he no longer had obligations to remain where he was and had actually moved to a neighboring state. He also (jokingly?) said he'd loved to sell everything he had to drive out to where I was to live with me.
My job has me traveling quite a bit. He'd asked to visit back in January, but I was expected to start traveling until April and had told him so. His feelings got hurt because I'd sent "lol I'd be out until April." He texted that he "wanted off the ride" while I was in the middle of a non-crucial meeting so I excused myself to call him to talk and we'd smoothed things over. (Not my best moment, but it felt important.)
Work, coupled with the traveling, has been stressful and have dominated my entire life. I've just been going to work and then returning to either the hotel or home (when I'm there). All I wanted to do was sleep. In retrospect, I guess I should have texted more, but it felt redundant. I finally made plans to go see a friend on 2/24 and he said "Have a great time." She ended up bailing on me and I just lost it. I didn't text him to let him know. I let it sit until the next day before sending an unrelated text. I didn't get a response back but didn't think too much of it.
I decided to go out there for a week from 3/1 - 3/10 because fuck it, I wanted to surprise him since I had originally told him I wouldn't be available until April. The trip was expensive but ultimately I felt it would be worth it. I sent texts the entire week I was out there to let him know. I understand that it was unreasonable for me to spring this trip so last minute (I even told him so), and in hindsight, I don't have a right to be upset. I just thought it would be nice to see him. He did not respond at all. I was incredibly cross and in my anger, I texted him once I'd landed: "I don't understand why you ghosted me, but I was in town and felt really stupid. Thank you. Have a good one."
He said that he hadn't heard from me for weeks (???) and thought I had gotten tired of talking to him, that he felt that I was texting him out of it being a chore, that he's "happy leaving it as is." I explained that wasn't the case and I even sent him a screenshot of my multiple texts that week. He claimed that the texts hadn't gone through, but that had he known I was out there, he probably would have gone to see me. Then he said he wants me to "live well", and that he actually wishes me the best.
I don't know what to make of this situation because I'm all over the place. I just feel very defeated and utterly worthless. I am very hurt, and I feel pathetic because clearly he doesn't want anything to do with me. Despite all this, I want to text him and I don't even know what for.
No. 385497
>>385428With c-pstd (bpders often deal with it aswell) there's this unconscious self fulfilling prophecy that can play out in relationships. You can self sabotage by feeling so unsettled when things are going good. You're anticipating that surely this has to be the calm before the storm. Part of you is hardwired to think well this is nice but when does the shitshow start? With that going on in the back of your mind.. cruel thing is it makes people act in ways that more often than not only fulfill the prophecy. The prophecy being things like
> Good things don't happen to me > Everyone leaves me > I'm undesserving and he just hasn't figured that out yet, But he will Tbh yeah there are lots of guys who are amazing early on and it doesn't stay that way longer term. That's a harsh reality. But jumping the gun and anticipating that so hard is the fastest way to chase someone off before you even have a good reason to. It's worth reading up on because there's more to it that can't be condensed into a post. Alot of it isn't conscious. You're thinking this guys great, how do I keep him? And in the background your mind is working against your own interests because trauma is a bitch for keeping you trapped in a cycle.
No. 385550
>>385505Of course we didn't have sex kek that's also one of the reasons I'm worried. For now he's not even pushing for any physical contact besides hugging, occasionally we have a kiss. I told him that I would have to know someone really well and for longer in order to ever be able to be intimate, like
at least one year. I also told him that I plan to move back to our home country before the year ends. He needs to stay here for 2 years because of family reasons and asked me if, if I go back before him, I will wait for him so he can join me. He also throws little jokes about marriage here and there
No. 385573
>>385569>you shoudn't be this stressedI'm stressed as hell because: I haven't seen a single good example of a straight relationship in my nearest environment and I had a plenty of terrible examples in my family and since I was a teenager and started browsing internet, I've read and heard hundreds of horror stories from women about men and being with men, on various forums and blogs, on tumblr, youtube, lolcow, I know various statistics on male fuckery, I know history, I read many books, and tbh I never thought I would date a man irl and it's my first time ever dating someone so I'm paranoid with fear, even though, for now, he seems to exibit various green flags like the ones in the video. I'm also autistic so I constantly analyze everything and I look for patterns. I constantly analyze everything he says and does. I can rarely be "in the moment" and just enjoy it. Maybe I resent men in general too much to ever be with one? I don't know. There are moments when I can enjoy what is happening, and then right after that panic sets in and I imagine a hundred different scenarios about where this relationship could go. It drives me insane sometimes. I think at some point I might just end it myself because it's just too much for me and maybe being with men is not for me?
No. 385591
>>385573How did you two meet? I'm assuming this isn't a situation where you knew him for a while before dating him since it seems you don't trust him yet. Maybe you're feeling really anxious because you still don't know him very well? I think the main question is whether you like him or not. It sounds like so far he's shown himself to be a good partner and not a dangerous person, but do you like him? And by like I mean that you genuinely like him as a person. Genuinely liking someone is different than appreciating the kind things they've done for you or feeling safe around them because they're the bare minimum and not
toxic,
abusive, openly misogynistic, etc.
I won't sperg too much about my own experiences, but as someone who has a really hard time letting their guard down around men I've noticed that mostly happens when either I don't know that person well enough yet or I don't like them enough. Even if I'm attracted to someone or we have similar interests or I've analyzed someone front to back and come to the conclusion that they're a safe person to be around, I can't relax around them if I don't genuinely connect with them. Sometimes your body knows this before your brain does, but that's just my experience.
No. 385646
>>385573 >It drives me insane sometimes. I think at some point I might just end it myself because it's just too much for me and maybe being with men is not for me?The cptsd has to be what's making it this unbearable to be in the usual 'is he good or just being good for now' stage, which we all have to navigate. It def sucks but not usually to this extreme. Have you spent much time looking into how cptsd specifically affects dating on top of reading up on more generalized dating advice. There's patterns that come with that and they tend to work against you and make you your own worst enemy at navigating relationships. Learning about those tendencies will serve you more rn if you're already well read up on mens fuckery. Factor in how much cptsd plays a role for you and amps everything up to 11
If it's driving you crazy it's not wrong to step back and let yourself be single and relax. And it doesn't have to be a 'do I stay with this guy or never date anyone again' decision. Plenty of women with trauma based DXs go through hell trying to date early on and it can get better with age and experience if you learn about why it's this intense for you and how to deal with that added mindfuck.
No. 385961
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I'm embarrassed to share this, but the guy I've been dating for several months now just had a herpes outbreak. We didn't get tested when we first started seeing each other. He suspects he got it from a previous partner. I'm not gonna go into detail but I have plenty of evidence to know he's not cheating on me. I plan to get tested soon. It sucks because he's actually a wonderful, kind person whom I can see a future with. I've read "what to do if my partner has herpes" articles online but they all come off as really generic. I was wondering if anyone here has any real-world stories they'd be willing to share about how they dealth with a partner having herpes.
No. 385981
>>385961If you've had a cold sore before in your life, you've had herpes (HSV-1).
I had a previous partner who absolutely did cheat, absolutely did expose me to HSV-1 when I'd never had it prior, and absolutely lied about it. My outbreak was genital and it was insanely confusing and I sought medical treatment. He just kind of shrugged the whole time and was very "it is what it is". (We aren't together anymore, btw, and this happened probably about ten years ago).
Health, fitness, and managing stress levels really do a lot to control outbreaks. I don't take a daily anti-viral but I do try and keep active and not eat like total dogshit most of the time.
With that said, I've been with my current partner for about three years and told him as soon as we started discussing exclusivity/having unprotected sex. Key stuff here is to not share cups/utensils/chapstick and shit (if oral), and avoid any form of sex/friction(if genital) while a breakout is ongoing.
Peeing with an outbreak is miserable, and I think the best thing you can do is be empathetic to your partner and ask what they need from you.
Asking this kind of question shows that you care about them and you're looking for practical answers. Good luck, nonna.
No. 385989
>>385961Herpes type 2
nonny here. I contracted it after being raped, and honestly it took a long while and tons of therapy to make peace with the fact. I refused to engage in dating for several years, but when I finally did I discovered it was fine as long as you’re upfront about your situation. Some reject you, many don’t. Today I am engaged to a man that never judged for a second because of my disease. Also worth noting I only had 1 outbreak (from the initial contraction) and it’s been fine since which seems to be the case for most people.
So it’s not the end of the world!
No. 385993
>>385981>>385989Nonnies, thank you for the amazingly kind and generous advice! I'm so sorry you both have to go through terrible shit to end up where you are, but I'm glad you're both in much better places now.
I have not had a cold sore in my life; this is also his first outbreak so we're still figuring out where it came from. I am doing my best to be helpful; I don't resent or judge him and we're in it together. It's also been helpful reading online about risks. Thank you again for all the tips, sisters.
No. 386010
>>385993I wish you well too,
nonnie.
I know my GP had told me the first outbreak is the worst (this was the case with mine), and any concurrent outbreaks I've had have been 1-2 isolated spots that went away with some anti-virals in less than week.
No. 386089
>>385591>How did you two meetWe knew dach other for 2 years from work, started dating 1.5 month ago
Yesterday he told me he seriously wants to marry me and spend his life with me. I'm paralyzed kek. I like him (although sometimes he pisses me off), but do I like him enough to actually marry him? I don't know, I think it's too early to tell. He also wanted to know whether or not I would want to marry him one day and I couldn't give a clear answer. I NEVER even thought about myself in the context of marriage…
No. 386151
What do I do about this woman I'm talking to who keeps revealing really personal shit to me even though we've been talking for barely a week? I know, not exactly a relationship but we met once before deciding to 'start talking' and see what would happen.
We've not even been on a proper date, and she has told me about her exes who left her, her first love who she loved for 10 years, her horrible mom, I could take this all and I said some boilerplate phrases, but she just told me that she got raped last month and how she was worried she might not get her period and how relieved she is she got her period today. I really, really don't know what to say to this, I'm already bad at social situations and this is too much information in too little time, we are basically strangers right now. I've never had someone do this to me, and really not a potential date. I don't know what to say to her. "Oh yes, I'm sorry, I've been SA'd too so I get it", like what the fuck. What do I do? We're both 25… I thought you get some sense by that age you shouldn't reveal these things to someone you've talked to for a week. Am I being too unempathetic?
No. 386162
>>386151She is definitely oversharing. I feel for her because she might be oversharing out of emotional stress because she just got raped, she sounds like she has an open wound emotionally right now and it’s not that weird for people to start oversharing as a side effect. Maybe she’s not normally like this.
It’s extremely early stages of a relationship you are allowed to just bow out. You don’t have to be there for her, you are almost strangers. if you aren’t equipped to handle it what are you gonna do by staying around? It’s a weird situation. You can say no thank you to further meetings or suggest you stay in touch as friends because you don’t feel a romantic spark. I can’t believe she’s trying to date right now she needs a friend (not that she’s not allowed to; I get wanting to go on with her life but dating would be extra stress I wasn’t interested in if it were me, personally I don’t get it. I’d be holed up in my house which is bad in its own way lol.)
No. 386165
>>386162I think you're right, also maybe it's part of her trying to process what happened. She seems to have friends, I hope they're good for her, we met through them actually. But it could also be that she just doesn't want to tell any friend, people can be like that too.
She's in the process of getting referred to another therapist, and it's taking a while at such an unfortunate time too, so could be why she just wanted anyone as an avenue to vent it out.
I don't think I am equipped to handle it at all, but I don't know if I should abruptly bow out after she's told me so much, could that hurt her? Also, I think I agree with you that trying to date so soon might not be good either for her. I am in no place to give her advice, but I don't feel comfortable pursuing anything now.
No. 386170
>>386165I think it's a situation where honesty is the best way forward. Like "I'm sorry I don't feel anything romantically but I am worried about you and I don't want to ghost on you when you're going through all this." Then you suggest a platonic meetup like at the arcade or a local art show or something, possibly with other people.
That said, you could just kind of drift away. She has a lot on her mind I don't think you'll be the straw that breaks that breaks camels back…
or could you? I would be worried about that too in your shoes. It's really not your job to take care of her but I understand the worry. No. 386293
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How do I lower my physical standards for a man? I can't find any man that fits what I like and if they do then their personality and lifestyle is awful. I'm starting to think I'm a lesbian because I find most women to be attractive but it's impossible to find a decent-looking man that takes care of himself.
No. 386354
I had 2 male friends I used to be really close with, we were completely soulmates as far as friends go. 0 romantic or sexual undertones ever, they were just an autist and a soft boy duo that I trusted with my life. Towards the end of our friendship I wasn’t being a very good friend. Got depressed, stop being attentive, this led to a big blowout fight with one of them and then me cutting off both of them at the same time because I just was in a really bad place. The one I argued with blocked me, and I never responded to the other one’s attempts at contact afterwards. Haven’t spoken to either of them since.
I deeply regret this and miss both of them so badly, I’ve felt like there’s been a hole in my life without them. I want to reach out but I’m conflicted because I know they are a package deal, which they should be. I’m so happy they are still so close. But I’m worried about conflicting personality differences with the one I had the fight with, because it seems like he’s become a super coomer in the past few years. And I think it would just be a bad situation to reach out to the other friend and not reach out to the coomer.
I don’t really know how to handle this situation. I just really miss the friendship we all used to have. I’m still a little busy with my own personal life, I don’t know how much time I’d have to keep in contact. Would I just be hurting both of them reaching out when our friendship would probably just be a handful of texts and calls every now and then? I’m getting married at the end of the year, would it be incredibly weird to reach out around then and invite them to the wedding?
No. 386492
>>386367this made me laugh thank you nonna
>>386432thank you!! thank god its not just me. i wont be pressured into doing shit like that i think its disgusting
No. 386587
>>386501The other two anons answered perfectly but you are not crazy. Your BF is a loser and has a fundamental problem with being able to disagree with others in a constructive way. He is a lost cause. Part of being in a relationship is disagreeing and growing mentally with the other person and also being able to rely on them for emotional safety. He has already shown that is not capable of that.
This is worth breaking up over. There are plenty of men who arent this mindbroken.
No. 386636
My boyfriend didn't have/make time for me the past months, it's picking up now but I've become super apathetic because of it. I don't hate or resent him I just don't really want to spend time with him anymore, being apart made me realize how different we really are. I think it's very much a me problem but when I talk to him now it's like talking to an old classmate or childhood friend, no anger or bitterness, just no chemistry anymore. Is there a coming back from this? What can I do?
>>386501If my bf ever used that type of language on me I'd break up with him, it's no way to speak to someone you love. It's hard to break up with someone but ask yourself if you met him today, would you still like him?
No. 386663
>>386437I ended up talking to him. It took me the next day to do it, but I decided to give myself some space before saying something, because I was going to likely get caught up in my feelings and start saying something offhanded.
His day was in truth not that good, the persona he puts on social media is just a fraction of how things happened. He went into more detail about his colleague visit and told me what was upsetting him, obviously something he wouldn't put out there online. I had to reflect on that and cherish the fact he does want to share with me every aspect of his life, just maybe sometimes he'll post on social media to try to make light of a stressful day.
No. 386664
>>386172>>386174He already jokingly calls me his "wife", like when we're texting before sleep he days "goodnight wife"
And some time ago, when I agreed to be his gf and openly call myself his gf, he had tears in his eyes. It's not the first time, there were like two other situations, when I told him something nice or showed gratitude for something, he also had tears in his eyes
Is it possible that he's not a psycho but just overly romantic and sensitive in an unrealistic way and he just idealizes me to the point he just doesn't see it's all too early for that type of behavior?
No. 386732
>>386664My sister's ex was like this, because she was pretty and he was fat, ugly, and had a small dick.
He ended up being
abusive and she left him. But tbh she was being a golddiger so it was a doomed relationship from the start.
You're not from Spain are you? Just in case it's the same guy, sounds a little too similar.
No. 387040
My social anxiety is breaking down my relationship. I started asking for things to feel closer to him and now my brain is backtracking on it and yearning for more yet telling me I'm being too needy so I should stop asking and then going through this cycle of wondering if what I'm asking for is actually a need or something I ask for to fill this void of it not being met? I told him how my brain felt and all he could conclude is that I can't accept what he does, because he's juggling 4 jobs and then also this relationship and him trying to find more jobs to make ends meet. I told him I learned to accept what he does and I understand why he does it, but he's wondering if he's doing anything wrong and if he's not able to meet my needs. I just kept telling him I'm this way because I'm too afraid to even speak my mind.
We sat in my car for 3 hours talking, he's wondering if we should go on a break or keep trying, the thing is he doesn't want to anticipate me having a another breakdown for hours where he feels helpless. I told him I get why it'd be too much for him to handle, but I said the reality is that it's still going to happen, recovery isn't going to be as smooth as you'd hope for it to be. I started therapy last week because my behaviors in the past haven't been the best and I know I need more friends, but I'm still putting that onto him. He believes us sharing our whereabouts is almost too much that most married couples don't even communicate that often. Neither of us have experienced what a healthy relationship looks like through our years of being alive, but we both know what we're feeling now doesn't feel like it is. He said my worries almost seem obsessive and yeah he's right, I obsess over what could be right, I obsess of what things I could've said to him. I just want to be better.
No. 387082
>>387048If you start sharing assets together like cars and houses and you support each other financially you should get married if you're committed anyway, because it offers some financial protections in a breakup or death situation. Sometimes it saves you a lot in taxes but that depends on specifics.
>>387081Yeah that's a reason to not marry. How bad is the debt? I guess it outweighs the assets?
No. 387083
>>387082>I guess it outweighs the assets?It does unfortunately.
And what about the situation when one person gets sick etc.? Is there some kind of legal agreement that can give a specific person the right to decide even without marriage?
No. 387093
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>>385045ok I broke up with him, it was sad but whatever, I‘ve been prepared for the break up for months before it happened already so I kind of moved on. my new problem is the new guy i‘m interested in.
I met up with my uni crush few days ago and it was so nice, he’s stunning and a really lovely guy ugh (nothing romantic or sexual happened, we just drank some beers at a bar). I really would love to spend more time with him but I have no idea how dating works lmao - my ex bf and I were just good friends for a few months before we got together but since I only see my crush every now and then I don’t know how to form a closer connection. Would it be weird if I just texted him that I find him cute and would love to spend more time with him or just ask him normal questions like how his weekend was kek. I‘m too fucking autistic for this shit but I want to fuck him topkek.
I feel like this would be way easier if he was a total stranger but he’s not, I‘ve known him casually for almost 2 years and I even dropped hints that I think he’s handsome during that time kek. I‘m just venting again, I wish I wasn’t autistic.
No. 387152
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Nonnies I am thinking about breaking up with my boyfriend of over a year but I'm worried I'm making a huge mistake. I really care about him & am so happy to have someone like him in my life - he understands me in a way I feel no one else ever could, we have a huge amount in common, he makes me laugh and he is so supportive of everything I do. The issues stem from the fact that he's kinda autistic in ways that are very difficult to deal with. He has an obsessive interest in a particular humanities subject (that I also study), which he talks about incessantly no matter the situation (e.g. chilling with friends, at dinner with family, getting ready to go out). I can't stand hearing about it anymore. It turns the most casual of situations into serious conversations that draw me away from the people around me, and even though I've told him all of this he can't seem to help himself. In fact he accuses me of "hating" him or "not caring" about him when I say I am not in the mood for such a serious discussion, despite the fact that we talk about his interests very often. He's also very socially unaware and can be extremely rude. He tends to raise his voice when he's annoyed, which always frightens me. In particular he gets very annoyed if I misunderstand or mishear him, which I can't help. He shouts at people sometimes, dismisses people who don't care about things he has to say as stupid or vapid, and is generally very full of himself (calls himself a "genius" often). I am slowly coming to resent him, even if i still care about him very deeply. Breaking up with him feels like it would kill me but I am just so stressed and frustrated by his behaviour. The thought of spending the rest of my life with him is often a very frightening thought for me, even if we have our good moments (and the highs are extremely high). He is madly in love with me (his rudeness to me stems from unawareness rather than hate) and I know breaking up would destroy him. I have no idea what to do.
No. 387159
File: 1711308676266.jpg (Spoiler Image,18.7 KB, 466x700, grosssextoyihatemen.jpg)
I've been having an ongoing problem with my live in boyfriend of several years. He constantly pressures me for sex but I have to say no because he literally keeps leaking shit into his underwear. He is diagnosed with IBS but refuses to take fiber daily. When he does take it the shitting stops. He has made me very sick with infections from this.
Lately he just asks, gets mad when I say no perhaps he should take his fiber so we can next time, and then he goes and masturbates secretly later. He bought this disgusting "fleshlight" that is really a lower torso with a vagina and a butthole to fuck. It made me feel sick when he showed it to me after he bought it. Like my stomach has a knot just thinking about it.
I know I should just leave him but I feel so bad today, he did it again last night. I don't think it's fair, I turned down other men who were really nice and looking back I regret not cheating on him. I feel like I'll never get to have sex with this man, and now he's so inconsiderate I don't really ever want to. I'm just so mad. I don't understand how literally shitting his fucking pants doesn't humiliate him into doing what he can. It's disgusting. I was going to tell him to go stay with his parents today but then he'll ghost me for days and I'll be frantic trying to figure out what's happening (I rely on him for transportation during the week). Sorry anons I already know it's beyond repair I just feel very down right now and had to say something to someone.
This like just fucked, right? What's wrong with him?
Posting this in relationship instead of sex thread because the weird disrespect and grossness matters more than the sex.
Pic is of the gross sex toy he bought to replace me instead of just wiping his ass and taking his meds.
No. 387177
>>387159I
swear I saw this post before. Maybe it was the vent thread but a nona was describing how her boyfriend had ibs or shitty underwear and she couldn't stand being intimate with him and hadn't had sex with him in a while. Dump this nasty asshole!
No. 387184
>>387175>>387177I have posted about him before! Since then I made an escape bag with my important papers and I've saved a bit of money. I don't have any friends near where I live and my parents are gone so it's been really hard trying to leave. You're right though, this is the same thing isn't it? He always says he'll do whatever but in the end nothing has improved and it's worse.
As far as leaving goes, I've been hitting up everyone I know trying to get help but no one is willing. I am about to ask my old pot dealer if she'll let me drive her car if I pay her, that's how desperate I am. Sometimes it just seems worse, I'm just trying to stay sane in the meantime, that's why I posted. I also kind of hoped he'd be cool until after summer, my plan was to visit my mom (she's in a nursing home far away) and it was more convenient with him in the picture. He'd probably ruin that anyway though if I'm being realistic. Thank you for listening I appreciate it so much. I can't talk about this with people irl.
No. 387391
>>387159Kek
nonnie if you wanna make a support group for women who refused to sleep with men who shit their pants let me know. My ex blamed the toilet paper for his inability to wipe his hairy ass properly.
No. 387436
>>387389I don't have a drivers license; that is the only thing stopping me from leaving. I've been offering everyone I can ask $100 an hour to practice driving but no takers. I've talked to dv shelters, doctors, therapists, abuse hotlines, police officers, the staff at the dmv, parents with teenage drivers and no one has any suggestions on where to practice driving in my state. I feel so trapped. My best friend said no, my aunt in another state said no. My boyfriend keeps insisting if I buy a car he'll teach me… but his name would be on the car since you can't buy a car without a licensed driver on the deed. I really fucked myself not learning to drive when I was in high school.
The other thing is when I do ask people for help or tell them my situation they look down on me for still being with him. I used to also think why do women stay with these weird creeps but now I get it, you just get isolated and cut off from life until shit hits the fan, no pun intended. I don't think I'll ever attempt another relationship after this one, being alone would be a relief compared to this.
No. 387451
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Just ghosted the love of my life due to my own feelings of inadequacy and being terrified of him getting bored and abandoning me first. I feel absolutely terrible and this is probably the biggest mistake of my life. He was perfect but just too perfect for me. It was never going to work.
No. 387522
>>387451Please just send him a message telling him this. Don’t make the same mistake I made. I did the same thing, dumped a man I loved because I thought he was too good for me and I regret it every day. He’s moved on now and it’s too late for me. He chose you for a reason. You
are good enough.
No. 387565
File: 1711467349633.gif (1.64 MB, 360x360, tumblr_735e29dc5989c8d960871b2…)
I'm thinking of breaking up with my boyfriend of several years. He doesn't take care of himself. He won't go to the gym, he won't learn to drive, he won't cut soda from his diet. He gets crippling headaches constantly and I've told him over and over again to go to the doctor and he doesn't. The only self-improvement he's doing is getting a degree (and he's broke because of it), meanwhile I'm out of school, working at my career, and have been working out for nearly a year now. He's very nice, doesn't want kids, doesn't look at porn, and we share friend circles which makes me stay but I'm honestly falling out of love with him. I can probably do better if I cut him loose, though the idea of being unable to find someone else who isn't porn-rotted is scary. Should I break up with him now or give him a chance but make it clear the relationship is over if he doesn't improve?
No. 387572
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in a tight spot and feeling like a retard about it. the job market for my field is in the shitter (senior positions only or incredibly dodgy companies) and i am seriously worried about finding a decent position in the next six months. i am also broke as a joke and dipping right into my emergency fund for rent and food. my boyfriend keeps telling me not to worry about money and that he'll support me while i look for a job, but relying on someone i'm not married to like that feels dangerous. should i take him up on the offer? we live together and after i left my previous job to finish my master's he slowly took over most of our joint payments except rent (he has said several times that he has enough money to pay the rent on our place in full). on the other hand, i also have family living in the area that i could ask for help while i'm job hunting. something about the situation makes me wary for the same reasons why i believe marriage is a losing proposition for most women, even if it would be a temporary arrangement and he's the furthest thing from shitty or abusive. am i just being dumb?
No. 387586
>>387565I also have a long-term boyfriend, and at first he was kind of similar sounding to yours where he didn't take care of himself and basically was only working on getting a degree and felt "too tired" to do anything else. Eventually we ended up talking about it and basically I told him that I was concerned about how his health would deteriorate and it seems that got through to him because now he has been making an effort to exercise, eat better, and lose weight in general because he says he doesn't want to die early due to health issues so that he can be here for me instead. This has been going on for about a year now and he has really made progress. He doesn't go to the gym (and I can't fault him for that because I don't either), but he will go out on walks with me and sometimes we'll even spend a whole day out walking at a park. He also hasn't fully cut out sodas or energy drinks, but he has transitioned away from them with 0 calorie options (which I know that's not exactly healthy either, but lifestyle changes do take a while).
I'd recommend talking to him and telling him how you're feeling and maybe approaching it from the angle of you being concerned for him.
No. 387588
File: 1711474197710.jpg (37.64 KB, 564x538, basketball.jpg)
does anyone have advice/tips for a temporary long-distance relationship? my boyfriend and i won't be able to see each other for a little over 3 months pretty soon. at most, i think i'll be able to visit him once during it. i'm not concerned about him cheating or anything like that but i do wanna make things last.
No. 387687
>>387641No need to cut off contact, whether the friendship is completely asexual and platonic or romantic and flirty.
Always keep a backup guy or two around when you’re dating a moid. If you went through a rough patch with your bf (and I’m assuming it’s his fault because it almost always is the moids fault) then it could very well happen again and lead to a breakup and then you’ll have no one else to talk to if you cut off the other guy and will have to go through the talking phase all over again. It’s always best to have a guy you know on a deeper level already.
Don’t feel guilty about it either because men would do the exact same if they could (and do when they can)
No. 387765
>>387710>successful photographer already, and makes good money. Highly doubt, you shouldn't believe him unless you have a lot of proof. That is such a common lie for photographer moids and other artist types, always saying they have a successful career when you're chatting online and then they super do not and it's also like a softcore porn / boudoir studio lol.
Anyway, break up with your boyfriend he sounds awful. Get higher standards and search for a guy you can meet in person, not a weirdo photographer who has been messaging you for years about how he loves you (I don't care how much you like the attention, that is super creepy).
No. 387766
>>387761If you liked him enough to live with him I would say you should have an honest discussion about how you can't agree to cohabitate and share financial responsibilities with him until he has an income himself and can contribute. Point blank, end of discussion.
Since it has literally been two months and it's way too soon for this and he is definitely hoping to use you, I think you should just break up with him. You shouldn't even entertain this. You're not gonna adopt an adult man as a live-in dependent, jesus christ.
No. 387858
>>387839I’m inclined to say keep your deadline. Is there some other extenuating circumstance? If not just keep your deadline. Personally don’t believe in changing plans last minute but your situation may be different.
I’m not really on the same wavelength as you are though because I was having conversations about marriage and timeline really bluntly on my own terms and it wasn’t a situation of finding a ring but I hope this is like a romantic thing that you’re excited about.
No. 387864
>>387685Read through this and see for yourself.
I did it once. Turned me into his full time wrangler, mom, babysitter and nurse.
https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD_partners/comments/17s0ll8/how_did_adhd_partner_affect_your_mental_health/ No. 387929
>>387927He's not any of that. Maybe stop making up stereotypical cartoon characters in your head?
>>387920Don't worry I will.
No. 387940
>>387685It's not only ADHD but also bad parenting e.g neglect.
They're tards and if they grow up in the wrong household they don't get their life together.
No. 387956
>>387710You've a plenty good reason to leave the current bf but
> Anyway, there is a guy who has had a crush on me for YEARS and is constantly talking to me online about how I am always going to be his crush and he truly loves meSometimes when you've been accepting bullshit from one partner, it's good to step back and assess why you put up with the bs. Leave because you're done with this guy. Do it for you. Not because some guy online says you're his crush and he 'truly loves you' before ever even dating you. Wtf is that. More bullshit.
No. 388174
>>388110Convert all of this to non-ldr equivalents and you'd easily consider this grounds for breaking up. Then go back to the reality of this being an LDR and lookg at the fact that they live in the same city and the relationship is even more over.
Do yourself a favor and dump him.
No. 388366
>>388118As someone who was once young and also obsessed with that game, he MIGHT not be.
If you're both young, things can be hard. Young people don't get to experience too many things.
You should talk to him about it and if he doesn't give a genuine response that is backed up with action, you need to drop him.
Hope this finds you well.
No. 388403
>>388379It's good you never had sex, you dodged a huge bullet
nonnie. Pray you have a better valentines day next year and meet your true nigel eventually.
No. 388408
>>388374you're not being rude, though my situation was not exactly the same.
young people act impulsively and unless you were raised properly you won't learn about treating the people you love properly until you hurt them.
I hurt a lot of people just trying to find something meaningful in life. This does not excuse the behavior though.
No. 388507
>>388501You're overthinking
nonnie, forget formal periods of waiting, do you want to go out with people right now or not? That's really all that matters.
No. 388651
File: 1712005253196.jpeg (19.4 KB, 247x275, received_7235092526619141.jpeg)
I've already whinged about this in the vent thread but I feel so angry and upset, nonnies. I think I've missed my chance with somebody I really liked because I waited too long to confess how I feel. we were friends with benefits and I realised I was getting too attached and pulled away, ended up back with my ex because he guilted me into giving him another chance. I realised I actually have real feelings for my friend and ended it with my ex as soon as I figured that out. I told my friend how I feel and he said he had felt the same way and was too scared to say anything and was really cut up about me pulling away. now he's told me that just starting to see someone else and feels all kinds of confused after my confession and has asked me to leave him be for a few days whilst he figures it out. I fear I may have totally fucked it, girls. have any of you ever successfully clawed something back after miscommunication and poor timing with feelings?
No. 388681
>>388284>>388288>>388294thanks nonas. sadly i haven’t got the bravery to tell him yet because im afraid of confrontation but im trying to think of a way to do so soon
>>388370he's not ignoring me because of the game though, he’s ignoring me because he’s been hanging out nonstop with a girl we met in the game. they do play a lot but i didn’t really mind
that much, since sometimes i play with them too. the thing is that they’re still calling and texting each other all day everyday. in fact, as of writing this they’ve been in voice call for 5 hours now. guess i sound jealous but i wouldn’t feel ok doing what he's doing.
No. 388841
>>388834>>388836Thank you, nonnies. It's been a really hurtful experience as of late dealing with this retard. I really thought he was my best friend and he pulled the rug right under me. I can't entirely get rid of him since we're both in the same circles, academics in mind.
I'm fine with not being romantically involved – I'm just hurt about these one sided mind games he's been pulling. I slept with him because I felt that we had a mutual foundation of trust and respect. (Retarded of me, I know).
I really just wanted to be his friend.
No. 388844
>>388841Cont.
The only reason I even told him I had romantic feelings is because he told me he did. I feel like a fucking clown, which I rightfully am lmao
No. 388850
>>388841>>388844you deserve much better than this, im sorry he isn't easily avoidable. i can't blame you for feeling hurt, he's being an asshole and it's his own fault. he needs to grow up. i'm sorry you have to deal with his shitty behavior
nonnie. it's not your fault.
No. 388857
>>388850thank you
nonnie, i really appreciate you
No. 389625
>>387864I just started dating an ADHD moid a month ago and I’m already absolutely miserable and ready to leave.
He’s an extreme porn addict, like literally wanks for 5-6 hours or more a day. It’s disgusting. Once he pops his addies/vyvanse all he wants to do is goon. His only other hobby is going on 4chan and watching YouTube videos. He literally doesn’t do anything else. It’s so strange.
He also negs me constantly then plays dumb and pretends he didn’t know he said something wrong. He literally links me onlyfans whores and porn videos and says stuff like ‘I wish you would wear this lingerie and dye your hair the same color as her, can you do your makeup like hers’ etc. I’m met with constant criticism, and he blames it on his impulsiveness and says he blurts things out sometimes and can’t help it, when in reality he’s just being mean and rude.
He also leaves me on read for hours because he ‘forgot’ to get back to me, but will obsessively spam me messages if I don’t reply to him within 20 minutes. I’ve never met such an irresponsible lazy manchild in my entire life. His mom pays for everything too. He doesn’t work.
I’m sure there are decent men out there with ADHD but so far my impression of them has been absolutely abysmal.
No. 389640
>>389638>>389637What a demon scrote. I'm so sorry.
>But he’s been threatening to kill himself if I leave, so I’m just making sure to minimize damage to me and himself. Not your problem. Leave him now and wait for the suicide threat, then call the cops and tell them there's a psychiatric emergency / active suicide threat and give them his address. That's all you can do.
No. 389708
File: 1712516875063.png (124.51 KB, 828x780, 1697261560303.png)
How do you stop having anxiety about your Nigel looking at porn or being a creep to women? My Nigel used to be a PA but for the past year he has been actively against porn and consistently shows me that he has changed. He lets me use his phone for anything and is basically obsessed with me. But I can't shake the feeling that it could happen anytime and he could relapse. How do other nonnies deal with this? Especially married ones?
No. 390164
>>390137he is a lost cause, nona. he will troon out, mark my words. if he actually didn't want to have the costume, he would have already thrown it out. if it actually distressed him to own, he would have thrown it out. if it actually reminded him of an
abusive situation, he would have thrown it out. men know all to well how to feign stupidity and forgetfulness. in years past he might be able to receive psychological treatment, but the vast majority of therapists will encourage him to reenact his alleged abuse under the guise of supporting his heckin
valid twans identity. cut your losses, you won't recover the from the ick anyway.
No. 390182
>>390137As a fellow
nonny who also believed their partner was anti-porn, because he said he was, ummm… Let me tell you, they always are looking at porn. Always.
No. 390289
>>390137I’m repulsed by anything to do with troons but if what you’re bf is saying is true then I do have some sympathy. 19 and 30 is a pretty big age gap and I know girls of 18-19 who dated older men and got pressured into doing disgusting shit that they hated and regret. It is possible your bf was groomed by this woman because he was lonely and desperate and also had issues like you said.
Holding onto the uniforms and stuff is a bit of a red flag, but it’s possible he genuinely either forgot it was there, was holding onto it as a king of trophy to prove to himself that he managed to have sex (yes a lot of moids are this desperate and need that validation). If he truly doesn’t express any tranny instincts or interests now or in the future then I would say it was just a stupid sexual learning curve that needs to be left in the past. However if he expresses any kind of tranny behavior you need to dump his ass. See how he reacts to you throwing the uniform away to test him.
No. 390291
>>389625As someone who wasted 6 years of my life wrangling, mommying and nursing an ADHDemon scrote, I’m telling you now, you need to run.
What you need to understand is that when you’re in a relationship with an ADHD man, you don’t actually exist. Like toddlers they have no sense of object permanence, so if he can’t physically see you then he won’t even remember you exist. And when you are there aka you exist, you exist solely to coddle him, indulge his every whim, listen to him talk without saying anything about yourself. You will know absolutely everything about him but he will know absolutely nothing about you and won’t care to ask. And even if you tell him, he’ll forget. That’s if he’s taken his meds that day and is being somewhat functional and pleasant.
If he’s off his meds, be prepared to interact with a grouchy, irritable, messy pig who gets offended over everything, says the meanest most passive aggressive shit you’ve heard in your life, can’t get out of bed, has no interests besides doomscrolling and leaves cumstains on the sheets, crumbs all over the keyboard and his skidmarks/whole shits in the toilet bowl.
Don’t even think about having kids with an ADHDemon because you’re immediately going to be a de facto single mom. If you’re lucky enough for him to turn up at the birth, he will forget your kids birthdays, he’ll forget to pick them up from school, he’ll forget to cook dinner, take out the trash or take the food out of the freezer, and essentially direct every single household and childcare responsibility to you. Even if you manage to get him to partake in some chores, with his weaponized helplessness he will do it so badly that you end up having to do it over anyway. You can expect another 20-30 years of this before you finally get divorced. He’s constantly bored so he will likely be talking to and trying to meet up with other women the whole time.
You will be doing literally everything to take care of your biological child and another dependent adult child too. It will be hell. And the worst part is, kids eventually grow up, but ADHD men don’t.
No. 390292
>>390291In short, it’s his world and you’re just living in it (for a while).
When he’s done lovebombing you, his constant neglect, bluntness and thoughtlessness will impact your self esteem and outside of pestering you for sex when you least want it, don’t expect any shows of appreciation or validation.
There’s a ton of women who also discussed their experiences with ADHD moids and it ain’t pretty.
No. 390309
>>390198What I recommend to nonas who find it hard to leave (unfortunately only working for those who aren’t living with their SOs) is to find an excuse to create temporary physical distance. Going on some sort of short trip is ideal but understandably not feasible for most. Just make it a point to NOT see the person you know deep down is
toxic for at least a week while maintaining minimal (if any) contact and see how much better you feel. Then after you reject their first proposal to meet up, in my experience you have so much momentum and are feeling better to the point where rejecting the rest becomes easier.
Sorry if this advice is on par with telling a homeless person to just go to the house store and buy a house. I’m remembering how many
toxic situationships of yore I found much easier to break off after being removed from the typical “routine.”
No. 390421
More of a vent but my bf tried to troon out years ago and I told him that I'd break up with him if he did, and since then he seemed to accept he isn't a troon and is fine with being a gnc male and seemed to come to terms with it and accept himself. Felt like he was just a gnc male that fell for propaganda and got confused when he was younger, and this is also what got me to peak on trans stuff (not that I ever really believed it, but still). However, despite this he still gets butthurt anytime I bring up anything trans related because he (somehow) wasn't really peaked on trans shit and still supports it even if he no longer wants to troon out himself and knows my views. He is one of those people who thinks we should be "nice" to people and just let them do whatever they want otherwise you're a bigot, and so on.I just feel like I'm walking on eggshells and have to constantly avoid any sjw topics since his only response is to either ignore me when I talk about the topic or start arguments with me over it and get triggered rather than just being able to have a normal discussion. And it just sucks because I don't like how I feel like I have to censor myself around him, and I end up feeling like he doesn't really respect or appreciate my opinions or views and seems to believe I'm just "misguided", and I'd rather he could appreciate my views and my intelligence instead of thinking I'm a retard. It also doesn't make sense to me how he doesn't understand I'd feel this way on trans stuff when him almost trooning out nearly killed our relationship. Another thing is, he's always been more of a stoic silent type, but it's getting to me how it just feels like I'm talking to myself a lot of the time. But at the same time, I also don't have anyone else and he's the only attractive man that's ever liked me, and I can admitedly be kind of an autist. I also would never want to date ever again if I broke things off with him since I'm honestly tired, have low self esteem and feel cynical of men as a whole. I don't feel like I could find someone this attractive with similar hobbies to mine that also wasn't pro gender shit lol. And I feel this way about most of my friends too minus the attractive part, and it fucking sucks. Idk.
No. 390456
This is both a rant and a vent but I'm also wondering if any nonnies have been in a similar spot and can maybe offer some advice on what helped them. I'm dating a really lovely, kind guy and we have a very long history together. He's a safe person for me, and would never EVER be the type to hurt me. We haven't had sex in a while, and while a lot of it can be boiled down to us going through a rough patch after major life changes/adjustments I realised I've been avoiding being intimate with him all together. We spoke about it last night because he tried to initiate and I rejected him, and he was fine with it but it made me really anxious. We talked about it, and I realised through talking with him that I still have a lot of ptsd from an ex boyfriend who raped me. I had been raped before, but not by a partner, and didn't realise how that factor would affect me in a different way. It's weird that I hadn't connected the dots because I've been getting flashbacks about the rape for the last few months and just waved it away as my mind fixating on it for some reason. It happened years ago so I thought I had moved past it.
I know now that being close with the person I'm sleeping with terrifies me. My ex did what he did in a way where it felt like he was so overwhelmed with his desire for me that he didn't stop when I said no, like he couldn't control his urges. So now whenever my current boyfriend expresses any desire for me my brain goes into alert mode and I get really anxious. Through talking to him about it he now knows and is more than willing to be patient with me.
It makes so much sense now, and why I've been so afraid to get close to anyone I was sleeping with. Part of me feels really bad, I feel so fundamentally broken. When I was single I couldn't wait to have a partner again, thinking intimacy would come so much easier with someone I was safe with and loved. Someone I could fuck all the time, someone who respected me and my body. But now I just clam up. When my boyfriend and I first got together I was so horny and we had sex all the time, and it feels like the closer we've gotten the more I've pulled away and become uncomfortable at the thought of sex. I've lost all my drive, I don't even think about it anymore.
I feel bad for my bf who loves me dearly, loves pleasing me and I've been so stone cold with him. I wish I could get my drive back and wish I didn't dread sex. Every time it gets there my brain just goes into warning mode. Anyone else experience something similar? Also therapy is unfortunately out of my budget, hence posting on here.
No. 390472
>>390469I know that he is not because
1) he masturbates once a year and have been to doctor about it (nothing wrong physiologically)
2) he thinks that "ecchi" is stimulating in any way
3) he just openly considers sex cringe and does not like being associated with it or feeling arousal
4) he literally goes all red and hides face and start playing dumb if I attempt to takk about sex to him
No. 390475
>>390473Jeez he isnt gay. He likes female bodies, just thinks that penises in them is gross. He is more likely a misandrist than gay in any way.
And how is who he is related to my question? Its just a matter a fact that I need a way to cope with sexless life.
No. 390476
>>390469>>390473I'm one of the nonnas who usually tells women to just break up in these threads but this guy genuinely just sounds like he has low sex drive. It's possible.
>>390466Masturbate if you really don't want to break up with him.
No. 390478
File: 1712820856217.png (166.23 KB, 880x964, 7083822_girl-crying-sad-anime-…)
>>390476I do masturbate, but it doesnt work to stop my brain from wanting sex. I keep fantasing about stuff at work, all fucking day. I am pretty much THE coomer one in this relationships, and I cut out reading doujins to salvage but my brain just fills in by making porn of my own in my head.
For context its not a problem when he has "in-mood" weeks few times a year. But you cant just reolace sex with masturbation. I need to kill my drive somehow.
No. 390484
>>390475have you considered the possibility that you're bad in bed
I can't imagine anyone with a functioning dick being so averse to sex otherwise
Even decrepit men are chronically thirsty
No. 390495
>>390466Girl, if sex is what you need, then sex is what you need. Don't try to fix yourself or your moid, you're becoming codependent on him. He's not sexually able to fulfill your needs and it's making you feel unloved. You need to be with someone who can provide sex to you because obviously you are craving the release of oxytocin and your man is too stuck in whatever trauma he has to do that. He's not on the same page as you and he doesn't care enough to make some sacrifice to inconvenience himself and get help. I'm sorry
nonnie, but complaining isn't going to change him, you wishing away your natural instinct to have sex with someone you are romantically close to, won't change the reality of what's at hand. Either cope by masturbating or stop wasting time with this moid who cannot fulfill this love you need.
No. 390508
>>390461Yeah, I've considered that too, that he still might want to troon out or is lying to me just to keep me from breaking up with him, especially since I don't think he believes he has that many options (just like me) and I'm the first woman he's ever dated. Over the years it's become kind of hard to tell because ever since he realized he didn't have to troon out to be gnc, he grew his hair out more and seems to feel better about how he looks, refers to himself as male and whenever I mention males he feels included or shares his perspective, and talked to me about how he doesn't feel like he relates to trans people after thinking about it more (and he just said this totally unprompted by me) even if he supports them and how he didn't think men were allowed to be gnc or feminine. So this makes me feel confused as to if he still wants to troon out or not, since he seems to have this understanding but still gets mad whenever I bring up troons or say it's a regressive ideology, which is strange to me when he acknowledges he himself was a
victim of their propaganda and that it misled him. I feel like it could also be because he knows a lot of trans and gendie types and might feel like I'm offending them, or something. I do think he sees me as a bigot which sucks and it actively puts distance between us, but it's honestly a two way street. On one hand I see him as naive and lost some attraction to him due to him even considering trooning out and having these views that I consider homophobic and misogynistic (which he didn't have when we first met), and on the other, he sees me as, well, a bigot who hates the poor wittle gender people. So I do feel like there's built up resentment but probably more so from my side actually, since it bothers me how I can't just talk about whatever I want with him, and I suffered a lot at the time when he told me he wanted to troon out, even if he never ended up doing it and apologized to me many times I feel like I never fully got over it, and it doesn't help that he doesn't denounce troon shit or still capes for it. In his case it feels like he doesn't care as much even if he sees my opinions as "wrong" and kinda just wants to avoid the subject and talk to me about other things. He still seems to enjoy my company whenever the subject is something else and committed to me in general. I think he probably sees it like having a "bigoted" family member who you still like outside of those views. It's difficult because I do care for him and don't really want to break up over something like this, but I also like having the freedom to talk about anything I want. I'm in a similar situation with my friends where a lot of them drank the koolaid and I can still enjoy their company, but it makes me feel shitty that I can't ever say how I feel on gender stuff since they'd probably hate me for it and probably just cut me off unlike my bf.
No. 390511
>>390478Nonna I have no advice for you, I just share you pain. My bf has always had a pretty low sex drive for a man, but he went into depression last autumn which absolutely killed the last bits of libido he had left. He's been getting a lot better mood-wise but we still haven't had sex in months. I just want him to spoon me in the mornings with a random boner. I miss it so much, him being aroused by me just being there
I've resorted to reading smut. It's not much but it's something
No. 390514
>>390484Both his exes dumped him forlack of sex, so its def not a me problem.
>>390485I'm disgusted by any moid that isnt him. I tried cheating once and ended up crying on dudes couch and running away.
>>390495I do not feel unloved, sex is not really part of my identity, when I want sex I feel posessed and I'd rather not feel that at all.
I dont seek to change him, I know its not possible. I am seeking to transform.myself into sex repulsed ubermensch.
>>390511I feel like smut just makes me worse.
On the other hand thinking back to all that rare times we had amazing sex makes me almost wanna cry…
No. 390518
>>390514You're speaking from a place of believing you have no value. You deserve to have sex with someone. You feel possessive because you
do need to have it to feel fulfilled, it's not an issue with you watching porn and trying to reduce watching it. I haven't watched porn in over a year and I
still have sex and masturbate often, the only thing that's changed is I'm content with vanilla sex now. And while yes cheating is not the right way to go about it, you ended up crying because you are still attaching yourself to someone who can not love you completely. You're minimizing this part of yourself by trying to focus on his good qualities, but there's still this quality he lacks that you desire. Nonna, he is not going to be that person, he can't be that person, and you deserve to be with someone who checks every box in basic needs and wants you deserve. Sex is necessary for you. Please don't feel bad about your moid.
No. 390524
>>390518she said possessed as in she feels like it's unnatural to want to have sex. she said in her first post she believes that frigid women nonsense, which is just moid cope for why their wife doesn't want to have terrible sex with them. just read her OP
>>390466 this sounds like scrote larp to me.
No. 390526
>>390518> checks every box in basic needs and wants you deserve.That is literally not possible, and implying that it is does no good at all, you are basically pushing me to be left with a bucket full of holes. He checks more boxes than any other moid could ever hope to. Lacking in sexual drive is the least offensive thing a man can do in a relationship. But aside from him just being an amazing dude, you need to consider that I have actual assburgers syndrome, that I have never had any friends, never connected even to my own family and have spent most of my youth just living in my head. A person I can actually interact with consistently, not even talking about romance, is like one in a million. I dont care what he lacks, everybody lacks something, and I'd rather this something was sex than lack of patience and generosity.
>>390523I dont get what is baity about anything I wrote.
>>390524The reason why I believe in frigid women is because whenever I have attempted to talk about sex with other women irl all them talked about as if they wished sex did not exist in this world. For reference the only girl I still talk to after 5 years of knowing her, is 32 year old virgin who have never had even a desire to kiss. I feel completely inadequate in my desire to have sex compared to like 80% of women I have met in reality.
No. 390527
>>390526>using scrote terms>acting like women hate sex and that it's normal>tried cheatingthere's not much about your posts that
aren't bait. especially the shit you wrote in
this post about women, again. the way you talk about women and our sexuality reads as moid bait. on the off chance this isn't bait you have an extremely extremely unhealthy relationship with both yourself and this male. the way that you're praising him, yet apparently tried to cheat on him is a huge red flag and it doesn't seem like you are actually really in love and are just clinging to him for emotional support that you probably need by getting therapy.
No. 390535
>>390527> the way that you're praising himThe only reason why I am doing that is because others are stirring the conversation into the theme of his qualities.
The point is, I am not leaving and it is not up for discussion. I do not care what others think about what he lacks or whatever.
Therapy is not emotional support and is absolutely pointless thing. I would know as a person who have been dragged around by doctors my whole life and have an official diagnosis.They cannot fix anything if your problem is real, only put a bandaid on a broken bone.
He however actually helped me to fix my life. I used to just live in my head, now I have career, hobbies, and I see myself as beautiful. I am not afraid to actually be present in the world.
> yet apparently tried to cheat on him is a huge red flag and it doesn't seem like you are actually really in loveI tried to find a solution to the sex problem, there isn't much else to it. It didn't work so it was striked out of the list. That was after he did his own attempts to increase libido.
And it was my mom who recommended me to a find a lover.
> especially the shit you wrote in this post about women, again.I don't understand this implication at all as I am LITERALLY just describing my real life experience. Women are not all the same and many genuinely hate sex as an idea.
>>390528We are both from completely secular liberal families.
I am not quite sure about it, but if anything he was maybe damaged by a radfem ex, because he mentioned something about all heterosex being inherently rape once. I remember that shit from 2010s antimoid communes, Oh I do. Sounded based back then (when I was fucking 14 and the sight of porn immediately made me wanna puke).
>>390529I do not have intrinsic need to be in a relationship as idea. Because generally speaking interacting with humans is unsatisfying for me. But he makes me love myself because he inspires me to be a better person, I love him back for that. Yes it is not a perfect, conflit-free road, but with him, trying to solve the issues is worth it because my life is just objectively better when he is in it.
No. 390539
>>390526There's so many men in the world and i feel you're young enough to continue searching for a man who can completely fulfill you. Generosity and niceness are also positive qualities, but you also desire closeness and intimacy and he can't do that for you. Stop hanging onto this man because your bucket with him has this huge hole in it that cannot be repaired. Women do like sex they enjoy sex. Maybe the women you talk to don't enjoy the idea of having sex replicating pornography and that's perfectly fine, but women still enjoy sex and you do as well.
>>390535>My life is better with him in itCodependency 101. Nonna, I'm glad he's been a good influence for you, but you ultimately made these choices to do an effort in getting better by getting a job, finding hobbies you enjoy, and viewing yourself as beautiful. You did all that, not him.
No. 390543
>>390539> You did all that, not him.I did it myself, but I did because he made the world meaningful, vibrant and safe for me. He made the grounds on which I could grow.
> Codependency 101As far as I am aware this term refers to pairs in which one partner is addicted, while the other becomes intertwined with their addiction, trying to fix their addictions. That is not quite the case here, even if my attachment is not completely healthy. But my life without having this outlet for my emotions is not something I want to deal with at all. I don't want to go back THERE. Being with him taught me what being alive feels like at all.
>There's so many men in the world and i feel you're young enough to continue searching for a man who can completely fulfill you.Again I don't believe that not because other good men don't exist, but because connection and bond that I have is something intangible that can't really be replicated. If I will be left to my own terms right now, I will just crawl back into myself. Because it is so abstract and intangible there is no actual cues as to how to "search" for it. I did not search for him in fact, he fell into my lap like character from anime would. But also, it is so freaking easy to fall into socialphobia when you are alone, because why would I want to eat cactus and get disappointed meeting people of my own will.
No. 390572
>>390537this is strange to me. does he watch porn in secret?
btw any man who doesn't want to have sex as much as his female partner is definitely either doing this, cheating on you, gay, or has severe trauma. it's abnormal.
No. 390594
>>390543I'm more referring to it in the sense that you depend on him to be this person who makes your life completely better. You have the ability to see your life in a positive sense now, you're not going to go back "there" if that's what you're afraid of. You have the mental tools to not regress. Your bond with him is not unique. He's likely a very gentlemanly type who respects you enough to show you how he copes with difficult situations. You can find another secure man who wants to have sex with you nonna. You wishing your libido wasn't so high is you losing a sense of yourself because it doesn't match him. If he cared for your sexual needs, he'd at least sexually touch you or give you oral even when he's not wanting to do the act of sex. In this case, he
is responsible for your emotional well-being because he can provide sexual satisfaction for you as a romantic partner. Can he do that?
No. 390613
>>390594I am going back there, I know it because, I have tried breaking up before and I had to call it off due to suicide attempts(mine).
>Your bond with him is not unique.Except it is because I never felt anything towards anybody before, and he entered my life when I was 25 already and have met enough people through social institutions. I've been on plenty of dates too, and if I judged my life based on times before him I would identify as aromantic. But with him, something suddenly clicked. He isnt even extraordinarily attractive physically, however everything about him, every move and word felt it was custom sculpted(by higher powers) just for me.
>You wishing your libido wasn't so high is you losing a sense of yourselfI don't see it this way, because I never considered my high libido a good thing. Its extremely annoying and it is preventing me from being a good and rational person.
>he'd at least sexually touch you or give you oral even when he's not wanting to do the act of sex.He have done so but!
Doing oral without being aroused sounds extremely gross. I wouldn't do something like that myself, why would I want to force him into it.
We have plenty of general physical affection.
>>390607I am not happy to use toys. It's like eating buckwheat when you want meat. I only ever use toys for masturbation if I want to get off as quickly as possible and forget it all and move on with the day.
No. 390683
>>390672>He was completely obsessed with trying to bimbofy me toonta but wow, this happened to be too. my ex was pornsick and he would always try to get me to wear crop tops and really short shorts, even though he knew I didn't like showing a lot of skin. if we ever went shopping, that's always what he wanted to buy for me.
now he's a troon that's skinwalking my style (i'm goth) but also calling himself a "bimbo". even dyed his hair the same color. that made me grossed out and i tried to change my style, but it didn't feel like me and eventually i learned that my style is mine and i was dressing like this way before some degenerate decided to copy me. he should change, not me.
>>390537he should get tested for low testosterone. it's even happening to guys in their 20s now.
No. 390703
>>390456That sounds really rough and I feel like it's normal for you to be anxious about your situation, but you shouldn't beat yourself up over it. You're not fundamentally broken. You're just reacting in a normal way to traumatic experiences you never deserved to go through, your rapists are the only ones who are fundamentally broken people, not you. It might be a trauma you carry, but it doesn't mean you can't heal over time, even if you haven't yet or thought you did but it's still affecting you, etc. Also, the way I see it, if your bf was the kind of guy to get super upset about you not having sex for a while or being reluctant, especially after something as traumatic as that, then he wouldn't be the guy for you. You need someone who's willing to be patient with you as you heal. It seems like a good sign that he's willing to be patient with you after you two talked about it. Maybe you can try to reassure him it's not his fault and be intimate in smaller ways, so you can eventually build your way up to feeling safe while having sex again.
No. 390744
>>390615He is always willing to help. But its not a matter of focusing on yourself, pushing people into sexual acts when they do not want it themselves is rape. And its immoral, it does not feel good for me. Sex (and its alternatives) can only happen on two sided consent. Being pitypressured into it is not consent.
>>390623I'm scared of taking birth control because it will likely make me baloon up really badly.
And those anaphrodisiacs I googled are basicallly alll "get fat" foods LOL. Though maybe I could cut coffee.
>>390616I'm not sure its medical, one nona recommended hypnosis so maybe I'll try looking into that one.
No. 390819
>>390676If a moid is not honest enough to tell you he does watch porn then he's trash. It's definitely something you can work on with a good relationship and a proper sex life. It's something moids can grow out of.
Single moids almost all watch it, and it's not your job to tame their retarded coomer brains. If your moid is in his 20s and telling you he doesn't watch porn he's lying
No. 390978
>>39097692 out of 100 moids watch porn but yes let's assume yours isn't lying. You have no sense of self preservation and are incredibly naive. There's anons itt every day who are hellbent on claiming their moids aren't watching porn, you didn't all get the 8%.
I want all of you to have bfs or husbands who deeply respect you, this is not me actively wishing your bfs are lying, but don't be naive. Statistically it makes no sense to assume your bf isn't watching porn, especially when it serves them to lie about it.
No. 390993
>>390292I was talking to an ADHD moid from my friendship group for a while and it was exactly this. He lovebombed me for a month, and then began ghosting for weeks at a time - because he'd "forget" to reply.
He always remembered to reply when he wanted something though!
No. 391009
>>390990First, you should take this to the sex advice thread then you wouldn't have to apologize for graphicness.
My brief advice is to make sure you tell your girlfriend what's going on in your head before you break her heart and make her think you hate her, she can definitely tell you're not enjoying yourself. As for you, you need to learn to relax and trust. After you talk with her, start with things over the clothes or doing it in the dark if that helps. Whatever you do to get over this block, just make sure you talk to her so she's on the same page.
No. 391092
>>391033I'm not shy with her, but yeah I do have body image issues so it's probably that. It's not a massive issue, but we do still both enjoy sex.
>>391009Thanks for advice nona, I'm going to talk with her about it next time we're together. I do just need to chill the fuck out and relax I think.
No. 391129
>>391092Good luck, nona.
I have another suggestion but don't want to come across as suggesting you try something kinky, but a blindfold for one or both of you could help you focus on the sensations and not how you look or how embarrassed you are or whatever the hangup is. As a temporary thing. I had body issues when I was younger and it honestly helped me to climax if I covered my eyes, like it helped me get out of my head about what I looked like and just feel pleasure. Your milage may vary, I imagine depending on your trust in your partner a blindfold could make you more nervous. If you were with a guy I would say put the blindfold on him.
No. 391167
>>391162Also it was his biological sister, not even his stepsister🤢 (she is at least older than him though, thank god)
I’m extremely sad and disappointed and disgusted because he didn’t seem the type to be like that at all. He says he was just a horny curious teenager and it was a mistake but it still creeps me out and makes me worried to think if we ever had a daughter or something he would do it to her underwear or worse too.
(emoji) No. 391230
>>391162I'm willing to bet this is more common than most people think it is, but that doesn't make it acceptable no.
I'll be honest, I don't know what I'd do in your situation, it's difficult to know whether it's really just a horny teenager's mistake or if he's a risk for repeated behaviour, and what is says about the way he views women. That he admitted it so easily makes me think he thinks about it lightly. How long have you been together?
No. 391253
>>391229Dump. And don't tell him why, he will just hide it from the next woman.
t. sister of brothers who were creeps and I can tell you that kind of behavior only comes with a huge dose of misogyny and family issues
No. 391307
>>391306Bad behavior**
Not bath lol
No. 391308
>>390993My ADHD ex bf was like this too. I’d be really tired when I came home from work (he larped as a ‘househusband’ and really did nothing the whole time while I worked) and I’d need to sleep, but he’d tell me I need to wake up in 30 minutes so we can watch a movie he really wanted to see together and eat the ‘dinner’ he’d made. So I’d sleep for 30 minutes and wake up, still groggy, and then he’d suddenly say he was really tired and needed a 15 minute nap too and he’ll finish dinner in a little while, and then would end up popping a sleeping pill without telling me and go unconscious for like 6 hours. No dinner, no movie. I’d end up having to go make myself something to eat on top of working and being sleep deprived.
After a while of endless similar behaviors I got so sick of it all and dumped him, and don’t regret it for even a minute, even though I was wildly in love with him at the time.
Being in a relationship with someone like this is like an endless series of them trolling you. Sometimes you wonder if they’re doing it just to annoy/spite you, but the weaponized incompetence and lack of self awareness is unfortunately just part of the ADHD moid mindset (ADHD women usually aren’t as bad because women are conditioned to be accommodating and considerate, ADHD moids are usually either coddled by a mommy who does everything for them, or were badly neglected and learned to never look out for anyone else but themselves)
After dating an ADHD moid I think I would genuinely prefer to date a bpdemon or aspdemon moid over another ADHD one.
No. 391340
File: 1713133489939.jpg (32.37 KB, 477x596, 0f89edfc22351d9f5d354d6df8beaa…)
>dating bf for 2 years
>he met my family a couple months ago
>he is very sociable and did his best to make a good impression including learning my native language
>today my brother pulls me aside and tells me he is not attractive enough for me and I should reconsider asap and not take the relationship any further
>he tells me there are much better men in my home country that I can pick from
>I don't think he is ugly at all, I am attracted to him and I really like his side profile and eye color and height
>he is also a decent earner and extremely romantic
>feeling devastated when the negative sentiment is echoed by others in my family
Idk what to think. My brother growing up was the redpill bro type who always muttered about how women are shallow, now he seems more shallow than anyone. As for the others, it was a big step and very hard for me to reveal we were dating as I've never done that before (I'm in my late 20's and was a shy single homebody for a long time), so this disapproval is a big fear of mine coming true.
No. 391343
>>391340If you date somebody that is not your "looksmatch," you're invalidating and threatening your brother's terminally online redpill worldview, so he takes it personally.
I'm sorry that he and your family are not supportive, but if your boyfriend is really a good guy, he will grow on the members of your family that have your best interests in mind. Idk where your family is from, but half my family is from a 3rd world country, and they all have the same superficial attitude as yours. However, the ones that I respect have all more-or-less come around to my partner and are happy for us, even though they would not have made the same choices that I have. But they respect me, and they understand that I am rationally choosing partners based on what
I find attractive and what
I value, so they have come to respect my relationship as well.
And almost every single one that isn't accepting has had a long string of terrible relationships, and I do not feel at all torn up that I do not have their approval.
No. 391365
>>391343>>391344Thank you for your support. I dont want to tell my bf about this (he thinks my family is great and they got along well). I think you're both right and he was projecting based on his own insecurity, and my family is listening to him… which sucks because my brother is a lot older than me and I wished I could rely on him for sound life advice.
At least if he said he was a bad guy I'd get trying to break us up, but he just attacked his looks and said he's not alpha (which is ironic because my bf is much taller than him).
No. 391421
File: 1713161752932.jpeg (634.1 KB, 828x820, IMG_2307.jpeg)
idk if this is relationship advice technically since i’m single but i feel like y’all will have better advice regarding my current issue as you have at least secured a scrote
men compliment me pretty often and i am an autist so i am typically very friendly about it but they never end up actually pursuing me or flirting with me? like guys will approach me at shows or bars or whatever and be like “i really like your [insert outfit choice here]” or “you’re really pretty/beautiful/cute” (i understand this just sounds like i can’t identify gay men but i swear these are heterosexuals) or something and it seems like they are flirting and then i will try to engage further if they are cute but it never advances past following each other on instagram and then they never interact with me again and i don’t know what i am doing wrong
even my friends will say that it seems like someone was super into me so it’s not like i’m just being fully oblivious or autistic but then they never actually pursue anything, like they will make a point of introducing themselves to me and asking for my contact information and then never ever hit me up after that?? how do i fix this
No. 391695
How to get over the feelings that come up from having a boyfriend who was-slash-maybe-still-is addicted to porn? And I don’t mean porn in the classical sense, I mean super involved, digital drawing stuff that I could never even hope to play out for him. I feel like I’m going insane. I feel as though I need to be sexually available to him one hundred percent of the time, otherwise he’ll just turn to other things to get off. I feel like I’m not the person he’s thinking about when we’re having sex. Which is leading me to think that I want to do super crazy, involved things with him sexually in order to override the other stuff going on in his head. Dear reader, I don’t. I just want to have normal fucking sex. Furthermore, because I’m not satisfying sexually, I feel like I need to be the perfect girlfriend in every other regard to make up for it. I’m neurotic about it. And it’s not that he’s even necessarily doing anything wrong, he’s very gentle and sweet and reassuring to me and promises that I do it for him and that I’m lovely. This whole thing is something I’ve spun out internally. I just know what he has been into in the past and now that I have this idea in my head I’m running with it, and I’m worrying and creating these probably-false realities and consequently I don’t believe him when he tells me those things, because how could I ever measure up to the other stuff? The idea is absurd. I feel like I’m competing with someone or something. I don’t want to leave him. I just want to know how to get over this. I love him and I want to be with him in perpetuity. He’s good and precious and everything I want. I just also want to be everything he wants. I’m going fucking insane.
No. 391710
>>3916958 billion of people on this earth and you pick a guy like that. I know most moids are porn consumers but you still managed to pick the shittiest amongst the shittiest, and for what? I bet he's just another regular guy who isn't getting you anything literally any other regular guy could give you.
You're doing this to yourself. This is a choice. I am
victim blaming because you deserve it.
No. 391723
>>391720It happened a few weeks ago and has been on my mind today which is why I posted, but the only reason I remember him saying is that it's not reversible.
Besides that I only remember him saying he just doesn't want one. Which I guess is his right to not want one but with all other options in comparison it's pretty stupid imo. Hope he likes condoms after not wearing them for however many baby making years we'll have had lol
No. 392046
>>390703AYRT and sorry for the late response but thank you so much for your kind words. It was a very thoughtful reply and I really appreciated it.
>>391308My ex had the trifecta of ADHD, autism and MDD and he was a NIGHTMARE. On the verge of trooning before I broke up with him too and he was a big factor in my peaking. Insane mommy issues, claimed he was asexual but had a thing for stockings and we still had sex (a lot of the time with our clothes on). He lived in an absolutely disgusting shack, couldn't look after himself and considered a shower jumping in his filthy pool at night with his clothes on.
No. 392135
How do I get my boyfriend to show his appreciation more? He's a quiet person by nature, but I've let him know over and over again that I need verbal affirmation in my relationships to feel like my emotional needs are getting met. I like being told I'm pretty, hot, sexy, beautiful, cute, whatever. Especially because I've seen his old social media accounts where he describes video game characters as "gorgeous" and "stunning" and "perfect," I think that he has an obligation to treat his girlfriend with the same degree of reverence. He doesn't post that stuff anymore, but I think the fact that he knows I know he's at least capable of showering (fake) women with affection like that means he should treat me at least as well. Whenever we have this type of conversation, he tries for like 2 days and then it goes back to normal. And when he does "try," it'll be something really milquetoast like "I like your hair." Then if I try to bring up that I don't think these are good enough compliments to make me feel as special to him, he gets all sensitive and says that he's afraid to try because he knows I'll just criticize him. Personally I think that's bullshit - I think he's intentionally doing a shitty job at stepping up to the task so that he can blame it on me for being too critical.
In every other way, our relationship is perfect. He's incredibly supportive and faithful to me. He does all the chores I don't want to do (we live together), we have very similar values and future goals, his family is amazing, we have incredible chemistry, and he genuinely seems to enjoy making my life easier. It's just that I can't get him to be as verbally affectionate as I need. In previous relationships, I got used to being told more or less on a daily basis how cute and pretty I am, how good I look in a given outfit, how lucky they are to be with me, etc. I didn't realize how much I took that stuff for granted until I started dating this guy. Now, it's making me feel like he's taking me for granted. How do I get him to compliment me more and make me feel good about myself without literally begging for attention?
No. 392138
>>392135>I think he's intentionally doing a shitty job at stepping up to the task so that he can blame it on me for being too criticalLook up weaponized incompetence, moids are experts at this even though they don't always do it consciously. I'd talk to him about it again, mentioning that you know he tried but it feels like he didn't try hard enough and it's even more insulting because it should be something that's effortless - literally doesn't take any time, money or thought, just being present and verbalizing his appreciation for you. Mention that you don't understand why he can do 'harder' things to show his love but not that simple thing that would make a huge difference to you. Maybe mentioning that your exes did it and that's why you're noticing it even more will touch his ego and motivate him, but it could also make him insecure.
>it's making me feel like he's taking me for grantedI would also emphasize that aspect, maybe he doesn't understand why you need to hear that you're pretty everyday (moids can have a mindset of 'oh, but you
already know i find you pretty' and lack spontaneity with their emotions). Lastly, do you think his emotional needs are met? Relationships are 50/50 and maybe if you ask him if he needs more reaffirmation himself, or maybe acts of service, he will open up and it will be both of you working towards a goal instead of him having to put efforts towards something he doesn't seem to grasp the importance of.
No. 392141
>>392138>Mention that you don't understand why he can do 'harder' things to show his love but not that simple thing that would make a huge difference to you. Maybe mentioning that your exes did it and that's why you're noticing it even more will touch his ego and motivate him, but it could also make him insecure. I have mentioned both of these things to him and it doesn't make a difference. When I bring up how I was used to this with my exes, he just says, "well, how good could those relationships have been if they ended?"
>Lastly, do you think his emotional needs are met?Yes, and I have even told him that I make express efforts to use his love languages to make him feel loved and valued. He says he's happy in this relationship, and he knows that I have said that I'm not. I think he doesn't believe me when I say I'm unhappy or that if I don't get my needs met in this way I have to leave this relationship. Or he just thinks I'm saying dramatic things because I'm angry. When I mention to him that I work hard to make sure I'm using his love langauges, he says he thinks comparisons are hurtful. Which just pisses me off more because it's like, of course you would find comparisons hurtful if you're free-riding this relationship not putting in the full effort.
No. 392144
>>392141>"well, how good could those relationships have been if they ended?" That would drive me crazy, I'm sorry you have to deal with this kind of circular argument.
>I work hard to make sure I'm using his love langauges, he says he thinks comparisons are hurtfulComparing your efforts to his efforts? It's not about saying you're a better person than him, just that you put more efforts in this relationship than him in that aspect. You aren't saying that to hurt him, but because you are hurting and need him to be confronted with that fact and do something about it. It does seem like he takes you for granted if he thinks it's just a whim and you won't do anything about it. Feeling loved is one of the most important part of a relationship: you said that everything about him was perfect, but to me he sounds more like a perfect friend or roommate than boyfriend if he cannot express his love to you. Just know that if the person you're supposed to be the closest with and share the most love with doesn't show that he values you and loves you, you will only end up losing your own self-love and esteem. I wake up everyday knowing that I could die, everyone that I love could die anytime, and I won't waste a day without showing my appreciation, love and respect for them. I wouldn't be able to be with someone that doesn't think like this, and maybe it's a lack of maturity or just carelessness, but he should grow out of it. It's clearly something important to you, as it should be, and if he doesn't realize it soon you have to be the one to bring consequences, or he won't change (and won't change for any other less important issues that will arise in the future).
No. 392198
>>392192Yeah it was social media (Snapchat). Unfortunately I texted him at three different times and he still wouldnt block me. I deleted his number so I don’t do it again.
You're probably right about him. I like giving people the benefit of doubt because I know things aren't black and white. I thought he might be insecure because after our first time he spammed my phone because he thought I didn't wanna deal with him anymore. And even I was cold to him and didnt message at all the next day because I was embarrassed over something that had happened. And right before i cut it off we had been planning to hang out again. There was miscommunication. I thought i was going to his place but apparently he was planning to come to me. Then told me he couldn't. And I got upset and felt like he just didnt wanna see me because he made plans with someone better. Especially because he didnt say anything when I mentioned that i could just go over myself. I was too upset and felt i already messed up the relationship being so invested. it shouldnt have bothered me that much. so i just told him nvm and that i didnt think this might be for me and that i had fun and goodluck. then went to cry and when i came back he had blocked me. but then my messages keep going through. I'm probably gaslighting myself but best case scenario I confused him. Most likely its simple and he is just an asshole
No. 392215
>>392198Please nona, work on gaining self-esteem and avoid relationships like that unless you truly don't give a fuck about them and know you won't get attached and it won't hurt your feelings. Those relationships are not for everyone even though they're being normalized, and it's not your fault or weird. What did this bring you, apart from cries, headaches and time wasted? Compared to the sex, which wasn't necessarily that good, and the nice moments that could've happened, was is it really worth it? I can bet my arm that when some time has passed, you'll look back at this and think how funny it was that you got worked up so much about someone who means so little to your life - I'm not saying that to mock you, but to help you put things into perspective. You seem like a sensitive and thoughtful person, but also an overthinker. You want to understand others, empathize with them, and be understood. Well, understand that you need to have relationships with people that are good at communicating, don't hide their feelings, and have a good heart like you do, else you'll always have headaches and unanswered questions that torture your mind. Be glad that you had a clear-minded moment and shut this down quickly before it became even more complicated. Don't dwell on what he might have thought, you can't be inside his head and can't control his perspective anyway, but take it as an opportunity to think about yourself: you were hurt, so what can you do to prevent that in the future? What kind of relationships do you want and with what type of people?
No. 392374
>>392187Fwb is never ever worth it. No dick on God’s green earth is worth it. Literally the only thing that’s worthwhile about relationships with moids is the affection, compliments/validation/them simping for you as if you are a goddess, and them spending significant amounts of money on you. If you’re having sex without getting any of that stuff back then it’s absolutely pointless and worthless to bother giving them pussy. And it only hurts dating in general because men think they can get the milk for free without paying.
I’ve already seen moids complaining and whining that they can’t find attractive young prostitutes anymore to rape and coerce into sex for money, because every young pretty girl is making bank from her bedroom. So a lot of moids are turning to easy girls with low self esteem who don’t even ask for cash in exchange for their shitty dicks. Don’t be one of those women nona. Don’t be an enabler. Learn from this bad experience with this absolute asshole and remember never ever have sex without commitment on his end again.
No. 392416
File: 1713587372295.jpeg (54.81 KB, 700x525, IMG_0766.jpeg)
My boyfriend and I had a pregnancy scare last month, which is RIDICULOUS because NO PIV occurred during the sexual interaction– just outercourse, fingering and oral sex. For context, it was both our first time and we're still in college. So while it may be ridiculous to have a pregnancy scare over Non-PIV sex, both of us being naturally neurotic and inexperienced didn't help.
Anyway, he got traumatized from the pregnancy scare that he told me he'd like to take a break from fooling around. He does continue to flirt with me and make sexual suggestions when we talk to each other online, but he tells me he's anxious around engaging in sexual intimacy.
I really respect and understand his sentiment, but at the same time, I can't swallow the fact that he couldn't get over what happened last month knowing it was pretty irrational.
I respect and understand his sentiment. But I want him to be open to sexual intimacy again. God, I feel so desperate.
No. 392427
File: 1713598372696.jpeg (914.59 KB, 3389x4096, FlJOGPBacAEODQw.jpeg)
Real retardation incoming, I really need someone to help me navigate this and I have no friends I could talk to about this. I've gone on a few dates with this girl, and these have been my first ever actual dates. We've known each other for 2 and a half months, so not a long time at all and only had sex once. She says she really likes me and wants to be with me, like she really doesn't hide it at all. But I don't know if I do, I know I don't like her right now and I feel like I'm not actually ready to be in a relationship. I realize I value my solitude way too much, I want to be alone. I talk to her every day and it kind of seeps into my alone-time. After work I don't want to talk to anybody, but I feel like I should be with her because she likes me. But I've never been into a relationship before, should I give this a chance anyways?
There's also a few other things… I'm pretty 'straightedge', as in, no alcohol, drugs, not even cigs or even soda. I know that's lame but it's a hard boundary. Meanwhile she's big into all of this and half of our conversations revolve around whatever she's gonna be taking that day. I just feel like this might be an issue in the future if we decide to get together, she might feel smothered by me, and our lifestyles are extremely different. She's also 'genderfluid' and we've have 'arguments' about it too. I haven't revealed my terfiness to her but it's obvious to her I don't feel comfortable with referring to her as anything but a girl.
I feel like the answer is obvious, this relationship is kind of doomed from the beginning but I just…. I'll feel bad if I reject her. Should I even? It's not a big deal to just move on after you realize you're not gonna be compatible, right? But she's kind of mentally… fragile right now. She showed me fresh sh scars on our first date and talking about her anheroing attempts, I'll feel like an asshole. She says nobody's on her side or cares about her or whatnot to me, how she's planned a revenge on her ex girlfriends and will be a 'bad person' once she enacts the plan and she's also clearly not over her previous relationships, she started bawling when we passed a park she used to frequent with her. Like… I feel like this is too much for me to handle for my first relationship. This is all over the place, I'm sorry. I'm not out to any of my friends so I can't exactly ask them for advice… I'm really bad at confrontation and conversations but I feel like just ghosting will be rude.
Please help a retard out.
No. 392440
>>392427You have to get away from her. This nona is right
>>392435>tell her you’re not looking for a relationship and just want to be friends, then slowly begin the ghosting process.Please follow her advice and get away from this woman. You clearly don't want to be in a relationship with her, do not stay in a relationship with her.
>It's not a big deal to just move on after you realize you're not gonna be compatible, right? You are correct, that's how it's supposed to work. This woman sounds kinda crazy so she might make it into a big deal, but it's supposed to be normal to cut things off if you're not feeling it. It would be 10000x weirder to stay in a relationship you don't like.
No. 392558
File: 1713674767453.jpeg (9.46 KB, 225x225, you-are-not-the-clown-you-are-…)
I AM SO FUCKING ANGRY. STUPID FUCKING MOIDS. I went shopping with my moid because he was asking all week:
>"what is your ring size"
> "idk lets go to the jewelry store".
We go there and the kind lady said
>"What type of ring were you looking for?"
>mmm idk ask him
> he doesnt respond.
Then i get the ring size. Later that date.
>Let's go shopping for clothes you like for me.
He gets exited and starts seaching for tomboy clothes.
I try on the clothes and we go to pay. When we go to pay he tells me to decide what clothes I want (which he chose). And when it's time to pay until that moment, he starts checking the prices, realizes that he doesn't have enough money and tells me. I tell him to leave the clothes and go (it's all clothes). He starts acting strange during the rest of the date and when we get in the car he asks me "what did I do to make you humiliate me like that?"
He begins to tell me that it is his pride as a man that was hurt. He starts to cry. Afterwards I comfort him so that he leaves the subject behind and I tell him that it wasn't that big of a deal and he calms down in the end.
WHAT THE FUCK . First of all, it was clothes that you chose and I don't know about you but when I BUY CLOTHES I SEE THE FUCKING PRICES BEFORE GOINNG TO THE CHECK OUT. Second, it's not my fault that you don't have money and you invite me to buy knowing that you don't have enough.
Another thing that bothers me is the ring thing. Please have the balls to tell the lady the purpose of the ring. I'm starting to believe it's a "shut up ring". The kind they give to girlfriends so they don't leave their boyfriends.
FUCKING CLOWN. STUPID MOID.
Anyway nonas, has anyone experienced that? how did u deal with the situation?
No. 392569
>>392559>What did he want, for you to pay for it under the table to he could brag about being generous on your dime?My personal theory is that he was soo excited down his pants that he was blinded by the prices and thought he could afford it but when he did the math it didn't work out.
>392566To clarify, he wasthe one ""buying""clothes for me.
No. 392572
>>392558He sounds like an autist who's bad with money and only wanted to take you shopping to get you to be the type of girl he wants you to be. A lot of chronically online guys like tomboys because they're nonthreatening and don't get as much male attention as other types of women (or so do incels think).
I'm sorry anon, you should talk to him about how it's not a pride thing to decide not to buy shit u can't afford, he really does sound childish.
No. 392580
File: 1713686250909.png (69.38 KB, 254x322, outfit-meltdown.png)
>>392572
>He sounds like an autistI wouldn't be surprised if he was on the spectrum. He doesn't like talking to people (other than me), he eats the same thing every day in the same way and only talks to others if it is strictly necessary or in his interests. I am also lucky that my boyfriends have the emotional and social intelligence of a peanut. I really think that if a moid goes out with me it's because they haven't been diagnosed yet.
>A lot of chronically online guys like tomboys because they're nonthreatening and don't get as much male attention as other types of women (or so do incels think).I can see what you mean. In fact, when we were shopping he told me that my breasts were too big for the tomboy style.This is the similar outfit I wanted to buy.
>you should talk to him about how it's not a pride thing to decide not to buy shit u can't afford, he really does sound childish.As I consoled him he admitted to me that it wasn't my fault and that it was his fault for not bringing enough money.
>392575I'm going to break up with him.Since it's a red flag to blame me. I may be this small but tomorrow who knows if he's going to blame me for buying something essential.
No. 392814
>>392794The guy is terrible obviously, but I'm sorry to say the fact you regularly tolerate this is 100% on you. You've set the bar below ground, like the other nona said. How desperate for a male companion do you have to be to let this shit slide? Break up with him and have some self respect next time.
Filing this under posts I hope are just bait.
No. 392817
>>392759Sounds like a good way to get five minutes of posthumous fame as a murder
victim.
No. 392892
>>392886>He doesn't say what he needs, where he's going, for how long, or if we will even talk again>I was up all night cryingNona honestly you have to work on your anxiety and emotional dependency. BUT if you two don't ever come back to the conversation and unpleasant topics are always/mostly avoided, if you feel guilty for bringing something up and you feel like you have to be super careful with your words, if he makes you feel guilty for bringing something uncomfortable up and especially if he makes you feel crazy and use exaggerations referring to your reactions/jokes about them, it's really really bad and it's going to be worse. Even without these things it's pretty bad that he doesn't try to change and improve your communication - it just means he doesn't care and expects
you to adapt.
No. 393032
>>393006Don't try to read his mind. If you like him romantically I'd say you're safe to make a move.
His attitude on skinship gives me pause… He says he does that with female friends but have you ever seen him do that with other woman? (He could just be saying that to sound more chill than he is because he wants to hold your hand kek, I have no idea I don't know him.) He could have the attitude that sleeping together is just something "friends" do as well. I'd find out if I was you.
No. 393133
File: 1713918323363.jpeg (104.54 KB, 720x696, CC4E6250-0039-4F9C-BC44-416962…)
Anyone else think it’s interesting how much more open women are now about secretly hating their bf? I used to think I was crazy for having contempt for my bfs in the past but now I realize it’s normal and 90% of women feel that way at some point or another about their male partner. Posts like pic rel, or talking about ‘boyfriend air’ and how your appearance literally denigrates after spending time with a man, women having pre orgasm and post orgasm clarity, hating the chore of having sex etc.
Men have been shamelessly ranting about hating their wives, wanting to play vidya or watch porn rather than spend time with their gf etc for years. It’s bleak but also refreshing to see women being honest about what a drag and burden most moids are. Most women want a partner but I think they’re waking up to the reality of moids and seeing that the juice isn’t even worth the squeeze the majority of the time.
No. 393248
>>393243Not at all, provided the gay dude isn’t a huge degenerate or something and they aren’t actually fucking each other or something (unless you’re a fujo and into that, kek)
I actually think it’s a green flag if a straight man has gay friends. Shows your bf is open minded and accepting. A lot of straight moids are too insecure in their own heterosexuality to form a friendship with gay men or lesbian women. But it’s still more common than you think.
No. 393355
>>393353I don’t mean having sex necessarily, but if your scrote watches porn that’s 100% grounds for starting to talk to other men and trying to find a new bf who doesn’t watch porn imo.
Also, when you leave/dump him, never ever explain what the reason was. Keep him guessing and make him feel like shit about himself.
No. 393360
>>393355when i asked him if he watches porn, he said yes but that he thinks it's messed up and wanted to quit but that it was a "bad habit." he said he would quit now that he has a reason and that he would never choose porn over me. i was still mad and wanted to hurt him so i yelled at him for a few hours and he told me i made him sad and ruined his day lol.
>>393356he said he didn't watch anything violent. i questioned him and suggested he might have been watching gay porn too and that porn makes men trannies. he got super offended that i would imply he was a homo. he's not into non-con shit though at least.
No. 393362
>>393355>trying to find a new bf who doesn’t watch porn imo.Nta but easier said than done. I'm staunchly anti-porn but men who don't watch porn are rare unicorns, especially in the age range of farmers (let's say 18 to 30). Like 5 in a 100.
>>393360Of course he would say all that
No. 393381
File: 1713991025114.gif (91.01 KB, 498x498, 0fd0ef3665d7ce248c6d7713014fe4…)
I'm going on a date for the first time in 5 years and I'm way more horny than usual because I have a fat crush on the moid. I have masturbated 3 times this day while looking at an instagram pic where you can slightly see his abs. He also has a very cute smile like it's so goofy. How do i get this under control so i won't mess the date up?
No. 393572
>>393549Next time he does it roll up a newspaper and give him a good smack on the nose.
But really, you just have to emphasize that it is HURTING, and I think if he's worth his salt he will stop. If not, you know what I'm gonna say.
No. 393876
File: 1714166620669.jpeg (268.87 KB, 1024x1024, 9C9964EE-C72D-4D5D-9113-317B03…)
pretty sure this was meant as some kind of incel ragebait comic but it really do be like that sometimes
why can’t moids embody multiple attractive attributes at once
there always has to be some hideous glaring dealbreaking flaw or ten
No. 394013
I'm someone who hasn't cohabited with a guy a single time before and am way too comfortable being alone. Now it causes inner tension for me with the guy I'm seeing. Not only does he only ever hang out at mine, he feels too much at home. Basically from the first moment he never asked permission to use anything. Goes into my cupboards, randomly checks into drawers, starts looking for stuff himself instead of asking me for said thing. Instead of asking if he can take a shower, he announces he's going to take one (and then floods my fucking bathroom, as I don't have a shower curtain, because I only take baths or sitting showers). I didn't really dare to say much so far, because I'm a very anxious and asocial person, so when I'm in someone else's home, I'll basically sit down in one spot and not touch anything unless I'm asked to. But I've seen families that had no problems letting a guest do dishes for them and such.
What really triggered me a bit is a few days ago he opened my fridge and asked if he could eat X. I said sure, because if he told me he was hungry, I'd have looked in the fridge and offered it to him anyway. What I'm bothered by is him deciding to raid my fridge because he's hungry.
Obviously we do not live together, have been dating for less than 6 months. Honestly at this point I'm not sure I ever want a man to move in, because I still feel like he's just a rude guest.
No. 394015
>>393879I think that's justified, to the average person that would probably lean controlling.
Still, I'd question the value of forbidding him to watch such a show. You didn't change his character or his values, the source of your discomfort remains.
No. 394018
>>394017I don't think this is a question you should be asking here honestly. It sounds like there's a lot of historical and cultural nuance that most of us here aren't familiar with.
I don't personally think it would be a disgrace to your ancestors but I'm not from a culture where people value ancestors like that in the first place. If I'd marry a German even though my grandfather was killed by the Germans, it wouldn't even occur to me or my parents to think of that as disgraceful.
No. 394021
File: 1714218801555.jpg (46.02 KB, 735x728, 9d851f3601d2967c9ab0eb92a549b4…)
My girlfriend gets way too much male attention: it makes me soooOo angry. I've been telling myself that I only feel like this because I love her and I'm protective of her. But I'm starting to doubt myself, what if I'm just jealous of her ew T_T How to tell the difference(T_T)
No. 394132
i've been dating casually for a little while now and i've been seeing this guy who i have grown rather fond of but i can't tell whether we are compatible or not. we seem to align very closely politically and ethically, (one time when he tried to say "sex work is real work" i explained in pretty loudly feminist terms why that's bullshit and he just… agreed, like he had no argument, he basically just said "oh. yeah, that's a fair point, i'd never thought of it like that but you're right" which has literally never happened with a man before) he's lived a very interesting life and done a lot of interesting things, eats my pussy like his life depends on it, and has overall been very pleasant and normal with no red flags. plus he has a career which i find relatively admirable and he def won't be broke in his line of work
but he's kind of boring to talk to, and i can't tell if he's just introverted and will become more engaging over time or if this is as compelling as the conversation is going to get. also, i have concerns about his feelings re: children which if any of you have any thoughts on i'd love to hear. i asked how he felt, he said he was "60/40 in favor of having them" with the reasoning being that while he thinks he might want kids when he's older (he's 28, i'm 29) he also knows that the sort of women he is attracted to (ambitious + alternative) are less likely to want children. i don't want any, which i of course told him, and in fact am having my tubes removed this week. i worry that while he says he's open to not having kids he's not really actually open to that, like my worst fear has always been that i date some fencesitter dude who says he's fine with not having kids if it's not something i want but then we hit 40 and he decides he HAS to have a broodmare and i get left middle-aged and alone while he goes and starts a family with some retarded 24 year old.
No. 394235
>>394132If at any point you're doubting a man because of his red flags just end it there. The biggest thing you should dislike about him is that he hates your favorite food or something. There are other men who aren't broken or dysfunctional. He's not special.
>>394181Probably because he's good at eating her pussy.
No. 394251
Ok long story:
Both parents dead, just me and my sister.
We get left the house, my sister (married, child, has a house already) calls me over and gives me this whole speech about how she wants to raise her kid there, its their dream house, the area is great the garden is great blah blah. Tells me that she won't sell the house so that I have "somewhere to go back to" if I need it, and I can come visit whenever I like.
We agree on a price (she "gets 3 surveys" and I trust her on that.
She sells her house, buys me out, I buy my own house, everything is fine… I message her over 2 weeks ago and get no reply. I spend like a week+ micro analysing my communication and trying to work out what I did to cause her to blank me… I find out off FACEBOOK that she's selling the house the listing is up they are moving. She's tacked 60k+!!! Onto the price she sold me the house for half of, they have done some renovations but not loads, knocked a wall through and put the kitchen in the living room because everyone likes listening to cooking whilst they are watching TV, idk. Either way, NOT 60K+ amount of renovation. Also the house is full of my family belongings that are technically 50% mine so if she's selling the house they'll probably be going too.
Anyway, she's not even communicated this with me AT ALL. And I only agreed to let her have it because she made such a big deal about how much the house meant to her… We signed paperwork etc for the price I was given so I can't really do anything about it now… But am I justified in just completely cutting contact? It hurts to know that I'm losing my family home too and I've not even been told, there's all the money based fuckery, but I'm also annoyed that her and her husband laid the whole tugging on my heartstrings down when it was all bullshit.
No. 394310
>>394146yeah, i am not eager to jump directly into a relationship, when he asked what i was looking for i told him that i am open to a relationship but that i would like to keep things casual until we get to know each other better, which i feel like we’re still doing at this point. i guess i should have clarified that i’m not waiting around for this guy to commit, from what he told me this is the first time he’s ever had sex with someone he’s not in a formal/exclusive relationship with so i don’t particularly think that he’s playing me considering i had to explain what i meant by casual. i’m not asking for advice on how to get him to commit, i just can’t tell whether i WANT him to commit to me if that makes sense.
>>394181i don’t think i can “barely endure” him, he’s quite pleasant to be around and i enjoy spending time with him, i think i am just used to meeting people and immediately being drawn to them and then getting into a relationship too quick before i really know them. this is the first time i’ve dated “normally” in the sense that i don’t think it will be the end of the world if he doesn’t want to date me (young me catastrophized a lot) but because i don’t feel the same sort of overwhelming pull/spark i can’t tell if we’re incompatible or if this is just part of the process of getting to know someone. i am also an autist which doesn’t help bc i often struggle to discern whether i actually like someone or if we just get along well and would be better off as friends.
>>394235i am very used to dating guys with massive red flags that i end up justifying for retarded reasons so i guess i’m just not sure what to do with someone who seems very normal and nice, like i’m waiting for the other shoe to drop i suppose.
>>394211you sound so mad about something you decided to misinterpret lol
mothers as a concept aren’t inherently broodmares, but when men decide to leave their partner specifically so they can have a baby… yeah dude i feel rather firmly that they are pretty much exclusively using that woman to breed. it’s not the same thing as settling doesn’t with someone who also wants children and planning your life like that. a middle aged man leaving his otherwise happy marriage for the express purpose of getting a woman pregnant is absolutely looking for a broodmare and not a partner. sorry if some guy left his wife to knock you up and you feel attacked, i guess kek
No. 394621
>>394607>>394611As someone who was catfished by my balding ex, trust me when I say if he tries to hold on to his hair it makes him look 100x worse.
Exs gf has made him grow it out and it looks fucking awful, stringy and thin and patchy, it looks like someones glued a few strands of hair on top of an egg.
No. 394635
>>394631Better he got it out of his system and saw the light. To put it into perspective an ex-gendie woman is never going back to that, meanwhile I've seen 40-50 year old women taking T for the first time.
>Please refrain from replying with straight up ropefuel or I'm gonna blame this website for my death in my suicide note and kill myself in a way that gets me on the news so you'd get mainstream exposure and an influx of retarded tiktok zoomers as a result, thank you very much.KEKKKKKKK
No. 394656
>>394631Full blown AGP seems different to femboy fetish to me, many women have been with AGPs who lied or attempted to suppress their paraphilia but failed. There's the chance he wants to troon out later (especially after women are "trapped" through marriage or having children, disgustingly enough) but it doesn't seem like it's guaranteed.
>Please refrain from replying with straight up ropefuel or I'm gonna blame this website for my death in my suicide note and kill myself in a way that gets me on the news so you'd get mainstream exposure and an influx of retarded tiktok zoomers as a result, thank you very much.If you kill yourself and bring more tiktok zoomies I will kill myself and beat the shit out of you in hell.
No. 394702
>>394699He does go with. I guess it bothers me because the only free time I really get is when I sit down to pump in the mornings. I work and earn a paycheck while watching the baby, I cook everyone three meals a day, I do all the diapers, all the feeds, all the cleaning/dishes/laundry. Still, he complains things aren’t tidy enough, aren’t cleaned fast enough. An extra four hours on the weekend twice a month would really help with that.
I appreciate your perspective; maybe I am off base here. I don’t want to die on this hill if it’s not even a reasonable ask.
No. 394718
>>394714Tell him what you want outside of an argument then. Do not engage in arguments with him at all. Say what you want and keep it short and to the point. "I want you to make meals on the weekends." "I want you to do the laundry on Saturdays." "You are in charge of playing with baby and diaper changing when you come home from work." "I am going to [location] on [day], you are going to watch the baby while I'm gone." Find an excuse to leave the house in the evenings and leave the baby with him (take up powerwalking and make it take at least an hour every day, that sort of thing.)
I don't know if he will step up and pull his weight; you can't control him but you are in control of your own actions and you can step back.
Sorry if you love him but he is clearly kind of an asshole and he thinks you
should be doing all this work, he's not going to magically lessen the burden on you. You have to find a way to do it yourself.
No. 394737
>>394727She said she's gonna stay with him. Right now she is pampering him even though he's only rewarding her with animosity. She needs to stop. All she can do is control her own actions.
The real answer is that he literally doesn't deserve her companionship. He's a fucking nag and he doesn't even make enough money to support them without her working. The gall of men. He needs to be shamed by his family for treating her this way. Imagine doing everything she is doing for a man who doesn't appreciate her and repays her by verbally tearing her down. Then she decides it's good for her family to keep things that way. Well, SHE is part of her family and it's not good for her. It doesn't even make sense. Logic goes right out the window in relationships.
No. 394760
>>394714I didn't think of this before but you should start a private savings account immediately. Put money into it every paycheck. It's an "oh shit" fund. Each person in a couple should have one because things happen that tie up the finances of the other person and you're shit out of luck if you don't have your own account to draw from. If you're both living paycheck to paycheck that's even more reason for you each to have your own savings account.
If you don't take any advice here at least do that.