File: 1667582717573.jpg (124.75 KB, 954x954, ohgod.jpg)
File: 1667590632649.png (299.74 KB, 929x1175, 1654915758853.png)
reminder that this is a thread for relationship problems and long distance is not a relationship
Damn, i wanted to correct anon and ended using a wrong term myself; online relationships is what I meant. Now it's too late but maybe next time we could have >>271193
in the thread description to redirect anyone who would need advice about these?
i think this is really common for hetero women and in addition to the not-my-nigel/finding the right guy thing, a lot of aspects of modern life stunt or dampen your sexual attraction and you don't even realize it until it's back. it doesn't have to be anything severe like effects of BC or antidepressants. things like a sedentary or almost sedentary lifestyle, being very cerebral in your work and interests, living in a very synthetic or restrictive environment, can all effect how you experience your sexual attraction. i think female horniness is on much more of a broad spectrum throughout or lives and cycles, in contrast with scrotes who act perma-horny in any context until they chemically or physically restrain their dicks lol.
getting a labor type job outdoors changed my sexuality in ways that really shocked me. it's not like i had never been in nature or exercised before, but the regularity and physicality of it seemed to awaken the aspects of my sexual attraction to men that i was unaware of or too shy to explore. it even made me turned on by the the way some dicks look and crave PIV sex for the first time
It was like I had been repressing my inner horny cavewoman and didn't even believe she existed until the environment and work I was in woke her up.
i think many, many women experience or have experienced a type of attraction to men that's kind of nebulous and detached from real life sex, and they think it means they're asexual/comphet when actually there's a whole hidden aspect to their sexuality that's been lying dormant for one reason or several.
File: 1667602888496.jpeg (109.94 KB, 636x796, A542B8B2-51D4-4247-8BA4-63F55F…)
recently i found out that my boyfriend of 8 months is bisexual and has had multiple serious relationships with dudes. he lied to me about a lot of his past and i only found out from going through his discord (which is bad ik) he was a top and into twinky guys but i can’t help but feel really weird and insecure. he still follows some twinks on insta and likes their pics and it just makes me feel fucking shit especially considering i have always wished i was born a man since i was a child (thought i was a troon for a long while, but got over it). i also found his porn history a while ago and it was a lot of sissy stuff and trans stuff (no mtf but there was ftm) - after finding it i asked him to stop watching porn but he says that it’s difficult because of stress, i asked him the other day when the last time he watched it was and it was around 2 weeks ago so he definitely hasn’t stopped.
it makes me feel even worse knowing that the porn he is looking at is really close away from what i am physically. he’s also cheated before on one of his male partners with a woman, but he said it was because that he felt ashamed of being in a relationship with a guy so he wanted to sext a girl. i am just worried that i will never be enough for him and eventually he will look for sex from men.
The vaaast majority of straight women are repulsed by men which is perfectly normal and I believe your case is an isolated incident. My libido is practically non-existent now that I'm no longer a neet and regularly exercise. I don't even particularly care about hot boys, it was all just a way to spend my excessive free time. People (women) don't actually need to have sustained sex drives as we would reproduce regardless of what we wanted. Grandma would have 15 kids because grandpapi didn't give a fuck about her, and so on and so on. Women who feel "asexual" passed on their genes just as much as those who didn't. It's such a coin toss.
I believe the opposite of your experience is the norm (being indoors grooms you into arousal with artificial porn and going outside & seeing how ugly men are irl sterilizes you.)
NTA, but I think a big reason for this also comes down to the way that a lot of men treat sex. Men and women just look at sex differently imo, even women who go for casual tinder hookups don’t look down on their partners, they see it as consensual fun, but there’s always a lot of judgement or bragging from guys. It’s not perceived the same way. The fact that so many men will share revenge porn of their exes speaks for itself, it’s a very unattractive dynamic. Even if I were a super hetero, penis-loving woman, the way men treat the women they have sex with is enough to make me wanna become a nun. Yeah I know, not all men do this, but it’s widespread enough to be a problem. A lot of guys either don’t care about your pleasure or will straight up talk shit about you when they’ve gotten what they want. They see sex as bragging rights that they got to fuck you. Of course a lot of women are turned off by this, it’s gross. I’ve never had a female friend say “I fucked this guy that was [porn category]” but I’ve definitely heard it from male friends. It doesn’t surprise me at all that so many women think they are asexual when so many men have gross attitudes about sex.
File: 1667638353332.gif (3.61 MB, 400x259, Tumblr_l_145914259039857.gif)
I confronted my bf on the fact that we never have sex and he confessed that he has no libido. He basically said he only really fucks me because he knows how much it means to me. I'm devastated and want to cry. I thought this was the man I was going to marry and start a family with. I don't know what to do. I love him so much but it makes me feel terrible about myself. I have never felt more unattractive and undesirable. He said he would get his blood and testosterone checked but I feel so hopeless.
What's his diet?
Does he take any drugs?
What's his job situation?
How much background stress he goes through?
How well he sleeps?
Does he workout?
There are lots of things that can pile up together to mute person's libido.
He works full time, does all the chores, cooks for me, and spends all of his free time with me. It's not like he's sitting at home wanking to gay furry hentai all day like I do.>>297770
Thanks nonna. You're right, by holding him accountable, I just meant checking in on him and reminding him. I know I can't force him but sometimes people need a push to get started. He's also encouraged me when I was putting off stuff too.
I work from home. I was poking fun at myself because people like to assume if your nigel dare needs help with anything he's jerking to porn all day or whatever.
But anyway, he doesn't want me to do the chores so he does them. Why should I help him in ways he doesn't want to be helped, rather than with something he actually needs help in? Why are you so mad? You have nothing better to do than call people losers instead of giving advice?
He does it because I once half-jokingly told him I didn't like doing chores, and when we moved in together he wanted to do them for me. He feels bad when he sees me doing them so he takes over. I'm not abusing him or pretending to be incompetent just to get him to do chores.
I regret asking for advice, can someone else volunteer to be roasted already?
Not roasting or saying this in a mean way but honestly… insist on taking on some chores. If he works, has a dissertation rn and is also doing all chores then that is a way to support him. Freeing up time. Taking one less thing off his plate.
I've had 2 very opposite live-in relationships. First with a guy who did too much at home and the other who did nothing. Ime even if one partner is willing.. its better to just evenly distrubute tasks if you're both working.
File: 1667676407831.jpg (46.96 KB, 680x680, 066.jpg)
I fucking love my bf. Perfect as any guy can get and thats saying something. 5+ years. But my bf and I have been long distance for like a year now. We don't fight much but every once in a while he says something genuinely annoying/rude and I tell him respectfully it upsets me. Its bound to happen once in a while and its fine. What is getting to me is the way he handles it. Today he sent me a moidy meme with a dad cradling his baby and jokingly had has elbow around its neck and the caption was "when my wife asks me to put the baby to sleep". For context have a running joke where we top each other with ways we're gonna "get" each other, like tom and jerry style. "Gonna fry you up and eat ya" or "im gonna roll you into a haybale" lol just random silly stuff- and I love it. But he said "I'm gonna put you to sleep like that, referring to the moidy meme. I didn't care for it and said to take it down a notch. He immediately got defensive and said I'm no fun. Well it has turned into a 2+ hour talk of how I should've handled the situation better, my part being expressing what I need from him better and not "shutting him down". Girls I couldn't have been any nicer after seeing that fucking picture. This seems to be a pattern and I'm getting really tired of it. All that was needed was an apology. I'm not going to be some pickme thats cool with violent jokes all the time. He hasn't apologized for any part but honest to god I just need to wrap it up for the day. Just that he appreciates me sharing my feelings. I think he feels defensive because he thinks im pinning him as violent or perverted, but I wouldn't be with him if I thought that. I'm just not going to tolerate moid jokes. I need to be allowed to set boundaries without it blowing up in my face. All that capped off with I'm moving in with him next week and I feel really pissy and not excited right now. He has his moments where he snaps to and realizes he's wrong so I'm hoping for it to happen when we get back together in person.
I really do love him and he is such a kind sweet person. I just don't understand why men are like this sometimes its not that complicated.
you're right, and I partially blame myself for letting him think I can laugh off anything. I didn't think you'd have to spell out why choking isn't funny but here we are
I think we're gonna have to have a long ass talk in person I'm just pissed off right now
I want to break up with my boyfriend and know that would make my life easier, however i keep pushing those thoughts down since im pretty sure it would be more of a messy breakup. We have been together for around two and half years, when we started dating i was in a really bad place mentally. This is the first ”serious” relationship for both of us. We are very different; different goals in life, priorities, upbringings. Im now doing a lot better and i feel like i have had a lot of personal growth past years, but he is okay with staying the same. I consider striving for personal growth important and started trying to talk to him about making lifestyle changes. More healthy food choices, other hobbies besides simply watching things and gaming. Whenever i try to discuss topics with him that are even a little bit more intellectual, he will zone out of the conversation and just show he doesn’t care. We are both young adults the same age, but lately i have been feeling like his mother at times. I really dont want to have that kind of dynamic with someone im in a relationship with. One thing i still struggle with is having pushover tendencies, despite trying to have more of a backbone. I know i want to break up but im scared of how that will go. I dont love him anymore, but i do feel attached and i guess just a strong sense of loyality since he did stick with me when i was very unstable. I keep making excuses and thinking ”well, perhaps he will realize how much of a manchild he is being and work on that” but i know that will most likely not happen. I feel stuck and like im sacrificing my own happiness for the sake of staying in this relationship. I know i should ”grow a spine”, but this is a hard situation for me.
If anyone has breakup experiences that sound even a bit similar to how i describe mine, i would really appreciate if you could share.
Asking him to not go out it’s super fair to him but maybe you can if you guys can schedule a weekend date night? Something that’s consistent and you can rely on so he can have both friend time and you time. We’re you the one who had to move? Finding some activities to do while he’s out with his friends will help you take your mind off of it as well as help yourself.>>297874
I was in your position about two years ago and ending things sooner rather than later is the only solution. It did not matter how much I tried to talk to him, we were just not good together. Sounds like you two don’t really have any baseline compatibility and trying to salvage something that only happened because you were in a bad state isn’t good for anyone involved. You will drag each other down the longer you draw things out. Break ups suck and are usually messy, it’s just how it is. Honestly even if it hurts now you will be doing yourself and him a favor by moving on and finding better matches.
I broke up with someone in my teens like that who was 23 (ew) who smoked weed all day and had little ambition, couldn't have tough discussions and I was very meek.
I know its so hard to think about leaving someone you are so attached to. But I promise you you don't want to regret another year spent wishing you had a partner who's at your level. Sit him down and tell him what you expect out of the relationship, not just for you but him- otherwise no one is doing any one any favors. You're the one leading the relationship- its time to rid yourself of the passivity and lay down your grievances. It's not your job to protect his feelings- its not the end of your life and you will have better, stronger relationships. Consider this a really tough practice for standing up for yourself. It will be tough, but you need to learn how to do it to have healthy discussions moving forward. I hope you have a gf who's there for you. All that capped off with a big bear hug. I think you know what you need to do.
ITA that wrote this post. I found out that he spent the weekend with a female friend from high school and stayed the weekend at her place the day after I wrote this. I asked him to make time to call me, and he said he couldn’t because he would be out with her all day and driving home late at night. Then, the next morning, he got up late for work and didn’t call me that morning, and the only time we get to call these days is weekday mornings.
Since then, I haven’t responded to his texts, but called him twice and he hasn’t picked up or responded yet. We haven’t gone a day without texting or talking since we met.
My natural inclination is to let him come to me to patch things up now, and if he doesn’t reach out, just let him be. Am I in the wrong here? Should I explain what made me upset before doing this? I feel like he knows that he’s been putting in less effort and pulling away, or he would have at least called me like usual by now.
>>298401>Long-distance relationship >Spent the weekend with a female friend from high school and stayed the weekend at her place >He is no longer reaching out
Sorry to say this, but you should probably let go of him, nonna. I had a relationship that turned long-distance as well (he moved for work and I would join him later) and the same thing happened. He “hung out” with a female friend at a bar. It was only supposed to be for a few hours, but it started getting really late and he wasn’t answering any of my texts or calls. I find out later that she invited him to stay at her place and shit happened.
Scrotes can’t be trusted with long distance relationships. Maybe he didn’t cheat, but there’s a lot of red flags here. He spent a whole weekend with some other girl, and he didn’t even tell you about it. That’s suspicious. He knows what he’s doing is hurting you, but doesn’t seem to care.
I know you can find a relationship with someone who is in your area and stresses you out less.
Thank you for replying, nonnie
. There are already guys in my area waiting for me, but I’ve always ignored them because he was the one I loved… ironically because of his tenderness and great communication! He’s my first love, so it’s so hard for me to stick to my own ‘no contact’ rule. I do know, however, that he is not doing his best for me and that I deserve better. It’s insane how much he changed in a short period of time. There was a period of time earlier this year where we were living with an eight hour time difference and talked way more than we do now.
Before I got into this relationship, a value of mine for not just people but situations in general was to not hold onto anything too tightly. I want to bring that energy back into my life.
File: 1668042472546.png (256.07 KB, 464x553, 1633646924434.png)
My boyfriend is annoying the fuck out of me tonight, he keeps saying he's interested in feminism and wants to learn more about it but literally when I talk about it he becomes the most contrarian asshole. Like we are talking about abortion and he keeps saying he's not anti-abortion but keeps going on about how fetuses are people which it's like. Okay so you think women who get abortions are murderers? And it's so fucking rich that he's going on about this when I literally have to take birth control because his dumb ass won't stop coming inside, birth control which makes me bitchy and depressive literally all the time. And now he's not even fucking responding to me. Fuck. I want to tear my hair out.
Damn are you me? My last relationship was my “first love” too kek. Together for 5 years and fell apart in months because of the move. It’s possible that your boyfriend’s group of friends are influencing him in a way too, and that’s why his behavior has changed. It sucks.
Trust me, you’re going to be happier with that weight off your shoulders. I’m not gonna lie, it’s probably going to hurt for a while, but it does get better. And when you meet someone that treats you better, you’re going to wonder why you didn’t leave him sooner. >Before I got into this relationship, a value of mine for not just people but situations in general was to not hold onto anything too tightly. I want to bring that energy back into my life.
Being single does have its perks! Definitely get that energy back. You’re giving so much of yourself and not having it reciprocated.
>>298438>bf is so retarded he thinks a clump of cells is a living being
Not only is your scrote a retard who desperately needs to take a biology class, but he also just told you he's flat out sexist. Dump him and stop enabling him. Don't even get me started on the birth control and no condom thing. He is using you as a fleshlight and treating you like one as well. He doesn't give two shits about you, feminism, or any other women.
My boyfriend is very supportive and understanding about these issues and my not wanting to take birth control. You can find a guy like that too. This is some bare minimum shit. Talk about being disrespected. Where the fuck did you meet this loser? 4chan?
Nice cherrypick considering most users crosspost. Take a harder look at the ot vent threads and stop trying to force this us vs them mentality as if users here really limit themselves to one board.
Also, please learn English before posting.
>>297830>"Perfect as any guy can get and thats saying something">he blew up when i made a totally normal boundary>im not a cool girl but we make jokes about how we would DV/end each other.
seek help. you've fantasized an idea of him that is not real. totally agree with >>297853
, a man that can't act normal the moment you aren't "agreeable" does not in fact see you as having purpose outside of making him happy. "ugh you're no fun" his first concern is how his entertainment is being disturbed rather than you being offended. violence against babies and women should never be funny to a man who is allegedly "One of the good ones"
>Started dating this girl
>One year younger than me, I'm 23 she is 22
>Lot's of similar "nerdy" interests, kinda hard to find in the third world country shithole I live
>Talk about personal stuff, she says she has ADHD and Bipolarity
>Ok, I'll read about this stuff so I can be a supportive partner
>First months goes ok, then the relationship got rocky, fights start on a "week yes, week no" basis"
>Super clingy, If I plan to do something either alone or with my friends that don't involve her (because despite being invited by me to be there together she refused". No physical harm, but she starts to say some really mean words.
>Things go like these for 8 months, she tells me her Psychiatrist thinks she is Border
>Oh shit, oh fuck
>Keep going, read about BPD to help her and be a supportive partner. Things go well for about a full month, we decide to buy our "dating ring"
>After that things went to heel, fucking role coaster
>I got to my Psychiatrist, and after describing how my relationship is she describes it as a "lighter form of domestic abuse cycle"
On one side I have the biggest urge to run away, I keep rehearsing alone what I want to say to her when we break up, but on the other side I still love her so much, she is my first "real" relationship, and my pragmatical side is like "you already bought the rings, gotta deal with It.
I know it would be more fitting to /vent/ but since it involves relationships I just wanted to put it out here
File: 1668146641022.jpg (125.3 KB, 640x655, tumblr_d2674de0880bfd9688300d8…)
I'm going to be meeting my boyfriends entire family on Thanksgiving and I'm so nervous. I've met his parents before, but his entire extended family will be there. I'm shy and a little weird, and a literal autist, but so is he. Any advice? I really don't know how to act in a situation like this.
Sounds like you know its inevitable and like you're just grieving the loss in advance. Which is understandable. 5 years is a decent chunk of time. Maybe make a plan so it doesn't drag out. Do you see yourself being together still by the end of the year or do you want to get it out of the way now before festive season/new years kicks in?
I've had that 'breakup incoming' feeling before and I try to make a plan so that things arent dragging on if certain dates like xmas are going to be coming up. Breaking up in december always sucks if you're someone who does xmas.
Snoop. If he has trouble getting hard that's also a sign. Also how he views women and the way they act or dress.
The biggest sign for me with my ex was him asking me to do things you would only see in porno. Like anal or asking if he can choke me and spit in my mouth. Degeneracy doesn't come from thin air.
See how secretive he is, see how he treats you sexually, and see how he thinks about women. If he just wants to fuck for 5 minutes, hides his phone/computer or won't let you on them, struggles to get hard, or doesn't care about your pleasure, those are big signs. If he does weird porny dirty talk or 'kinks' like the other anon said about anal, that's also a sign. The more affectionate and vanilla he is in bed the more likely it is he isn't a porn addicted moid, in my experience. I've dated 3 men long term, 2 of them were extremely attentive in bed, not into weird violent kinks, cared to some degree about women's issues, and not secretive at all, and as far as I know they did not use porn and only did sexual things with me. The other was into very degrading fetishes, openly talked trash on women, he did not care about how I felt and just wanted to pump and dump - I found out months later he had a serious porn addiction and my gut instinct was right. Just follow your gut and look out for the signs. While most men do use porn with no remorse, there are some rare ones that see the issues with it.
This is good advice, but if you make sure, if they have social media, to check their saved Instagram posts and who they follow. If they have reddit, check their hidden and saved posts and their subreddits, obviously. Also check their account activity so you can tell if they're using a VPN or Tor to log in so it won't trip up the hidden posts. Check all recent downloads/files on their computer, as well as the trash. If you are mega paranoid, just go through all their folders. Make sure that all hidden folders are visible if you go that route. This is a waiting game, you have to earn their trust so you have easy access to this stuff. Once you have access to their browser, you can easily find their passwords to stuff like Reddit and such. Note that some shit will need 2 factor authentication, so you'll need to time that shit if that is the case so you have both their phone and their/a computer. Make sure to delete history of your logins on Reddit/history in general/etc.
The last option is to check the history on their internet modem. Note that this can really only be utilized in a household setting and it will show the usage of the whole household, so it isn't always one hundred percent accurate if other moods live in the house.
I feel like this is very surface level stuff, but most moids don't go beyond this stuff unless they're some CS guy or particular about cybersecurity.
I'm new to relationships and have no friends so I don't know if my gripes are legitimate. Also idk if this is the right thread to post in. My boyfriend and I met in May and have been dating in July. He has a house and I live in a house with roommates. His family acquired a lot of wealth many years ago and they helped him buy a house. His salary I would say is middle class for an individual person. He works in non-profit and has over 6 years' experience. My salary is only a few thousand less than his and I have less than 1 year of full-time experience but I also have student loan and medical debt and he doesn't. I can talk to him about anything, he has helped me and took care of me through 2 surgeries since we have started dating, introduced me to all his friends, and family, etc. Which is nice and all, but many things about the relationship bother me.
First, he's divorced (he's only a few years older than me and I'm in my late 20's). His ex wife is a fucking fat ass, seemingly autistic SJW, and talks about their relationship nonstop on her public social media accounts. My bf himself eats horribly. He drinks a ton of soda and eats fast food all the time. I'm not as much as a stickler for eating healthy as I used to be but I like to eat healthy and after recovering from my surgery I want to be more active. All of his friends except one are overweight or obese. His one friend who he used to have a crush on is obese, has type 1 diabetes and eats like garbage and drinks all the time. He says that everyone loves her and she lights up a room. While she is nice, I think she is daft and a normie. Many of his other friends are autists, and I suspect my bf may be autistic himself. I can't have discussions with any of his friends about anything other than shallow shit. They'll obsess over video games, KPOP, etc. And they complain about being tired even though I work minimum 9 hour days, sometimes 7 days a week, and don't sleep much.
He is also a Trump supporter and obsessed with guns, has said gross "jokes" about women, etc. I like going to the range and I'm disenchanted with politics but even I was a bit bothered by this.
Also, he complains about the costs of caring for his house. He refuses to turn on the thermostat (cold or hot). During the brutal summer he was taking care of his uncle's dog, who was dying of heat exhaustion and refused to turn on the AC. And now it's autumn and 30ish degrees Fahrenheit and he won't turn on the heat. I brought a mini space heater. It makes me think why he even would own a house on his low salary when I only make a few thousand less than him and would never even dream of owning a home with the amount I earn.
He is also very strict with finances, but hypocritical. For example, he complained about his ex spending money on fruits for an eating show but he himself eats fast food and at restaurants multiple times per week. We split the costs of food a lot which isn't the worst but I also have way more debt and he makes us share food when he wants to eat crappy food and I want something healthy. But I have to compromise for him.
I have CPTSD and a lot of mental health issues but I'm trying. I like to take care of myself, am hopefully due to get a promotion and a raise in a few months after the company I work for sung my praises, hope to get a master's degree, etc. The problem is I come from an abusive family and when I cut them off they'll probably try and destroy my life. They also live in the same state as me. I also have horrible anxiety and depression and codepency issues. I'm in group therapy in the evenings at a hospital as requested by my psychiatrist, individual therapy, antidepressants, but also have a Klonopin dependence.
Idk what to do.
File: 1668481476050.png (1.63 MB, 1920x1080, 804c7c52ebf31a405f39bc1669521a…)
OK anons, there's this dude I'm talking to rn in college:
>shy, buff, works out
>smart, has career ambitions
thing is, we've been on a few dates, and while he's been nice (paid for first couple of dates, very sweet ' offered to drive me places, etc.) and is LEAGUES, I mean LEAGUES better than the fucking loser of a guy I dated freshman year, I just don't feel any attraction/spark. I'm awkward, and he's more awkward, somehow. We don't have a lot in common. He got the "kiss me face" after one of our dates, and I panicked and said "huh?" when he started leaning in so he ended up giving me a side hug instead of what I think he wanted ((a kiss)). Thing is, I feel traumatized by my experience with males from freshman year. I don't want to touch a man. I don't ever get the feeling of "I wish I had someone to hold" anymore. EVER. I did warn him about how I wasn't really looking for romance early on, and how I felt off about relationships after my first with an incredibly fucking beta loser, but I guess he interpreted that as "she might come around". I thought I might too, but I think it's been enough dates in that I need to let him know that it meant a no. Also I think my ex ruined my view of men. I'm scared of dating another person like him. I cannot handle another submissive guy. I fucking can't. I rambled but do I just have another talk with him? I feel guilty, but I learned from my first that it's better to not waste time and end it if it doesn't feel right.
dont stay with a weird guy just because of some potential you think he might have. you are wasting your time with a guy you are not atracted to while there are pretty of not awkward fish on the sea. i dont think youre exaggerating in wanting to end things with him. it will probably be good to talk to him about it but if you are afraid of his reaction or you think its gonna be awkward just ghost him.
This is embarrassing but I hope you all can understand the situation. Need advice on leaving a 7+ year relationship.
I love my boyfriend a lot but lately I've been feeling like the way he acts isn't a way I want to live my life around for the rest of my life. He's kind and he does anything I ask of him, but he isn't responsible and he often feels checked out of reality. I feel like I see my friends have boyfriends who do things without having to be told and who have neat hobbies and are happy and involved, but my boyfriend doesn't feel like that at all. He does what I tell him and otherwise stares at his phone all day and that's about it.
I've been thinking I might need to leave him. But I'm not sure I even can. We live together, I don't drive (I have vertigo and I'm almost positive I can't get a license), and I don't work and I've never had a real job. I have two health issues which make it hard to work anywhere other than from home as I can get very physically sick very quickly at random, that I'm fighting to get treated but it's been difficult to even get a blood test. At most I've made $200 a month which obviously isn't enough to sustain myself. I want to be able to take care of myself and become more independent, but I don't know where to start. It also hurts a bit to think this is what everything has come down to.
If anyone has any advice on what to do or where to start I'd appreciate it. I know I might have to deal with this relationship for another year or two until I can take care of myself. He isn't a terrible guy so it's okay, I just can't really deal with this forever is the issue. It feels very lonely, I'd like a partner who wants to be like, alive in the moment more and who's their own person. Maybe by then things will be fine and I'll just be more able to care for myself which is fine, but maybe by then I could also leave and be ok. It would be nice to have options. I'm also not really sure how I should navigate around him during these times. It feels cruel to stay with someone knowing I'm probably going to leave him but I know I wouldn't survive without his support right now. It feels like a very difficult situation to be in, I feel very trapped. Neither of my parents are an option as they can't care for me either, and I have no siblings, so I have no one to go to.
I'm thinking back to that study of men being six times more likely to leave women if that woman develops cancer. Sorry it has nothing to do with your post, nonny
File: 1668602097437.jpg (49.33 KB, 795x676, 1665405988819.jpeg.jpg)
So I've been with this guy for a couple months, but we had already been close friends for years before we developed feelings for each other. The thing is, it's almost scary how infatuated I am, especially sexually. I am constantly thinking about him and fantasizing about fucking him, it's ridiculous. Now, I'm a pretty affectionate person so I've been very open about how I feel and send him a ton of sappy messages, but I'm worrying that it might be too much? I'm not used to this level of intensity, although he appears to feel the same way about me.
At some level I know that this is also just new relationship energy that is bound to diminish eventually. I'm afraid that by being so overly affectionate I will cause him to take me for granted or set unrealistic expectations. How do I determine when it's time to let things cool down and back off with the (for lack of a better word) lovebombing a little bit? Is it warranted to be concerned about this?
You're overthinking this. Just love and be loved since apparently he feels the exact same way about you. The idea that you are supposed to back off with affection at some point is ridiculous. In a loving, healthy, balanced relationship no one is playing games of trying to balance their input in it to achieve a desireable effect; the example you've given with being taken for granted. Don't you want him to trust that you want to be with him, and the other way around? Why try to manipulate any kind of sense of uncertainity?
Of course it's always reasonable to have conversations about any kind of concern so you can just bring it up that you're worried about overwhelming him - just unerline that you like things how they are now and if he likes it too, don't change anything.
Ignore the other anon, >>299655
is right. Don’t overthink and play mind games because you’re insecure. I think this is what killed my last relationship and it fucking sucks. If he’s a good match he will understand your feelings and not take any concerns you have personally. He will probably validate you in the way you need to and you’ll calm down.
My bf watches anime sometimes. He somehow went his whole childhood without watching it, but got into it in his mid 20s thanks to a weeb friend of his. He even sometimes watches the worst kind of pandering romancy ones, so I’ve chosen to accept that he is just a little simple minded. Anyway, I was telling him about the smelly weaboo I just started working with, and told bf «at least you are a sexy weeaboo» and he’s like wait a minute. I’m not a weeaboo. Weeaboos are the ones who have waifus and buy body pillows and obsess. I just watch anime sometimes. I told him I thought he had a waifu, and that he was just too ashamed to tell me about her, but he said «if that was case then you would be my waifu». Speaking as a recovered fangirl, who still relapse once in a while, it warmed my heart hearing him call me his waifu. I was also a bit taken aback. I guess because I’ve been into so much degeneracy, it’s hard to believe there are people who watch anime/play video-games but aren’t as corrupted by the internet as I am. Is it really possible for a moid to casually watch anime and not be a degenerate? I’m new to this relationship, so I guess only time will tell.
File: 1668862291081.jpg (91.17 KB, 500x602, ok.jpg)
i struggle with showing my love in overwhelming ways. i have bpd. i love my new bf so so much and i dont wanna scare him off
Motivation to workout and eat healthy is intrinsic, the dedication to long term habit changes comes from within, you can't "give" that to him. If he's taking no action towards bettering himself despite agreeing he should lose weight, he's too comfortable being fat. And why wouldn't he? He's already got the fit gf to brag about despite being a fat slob so there's not a whole lot of motivation there and if he's been fat for a long time he's probably forgotten how healthy feels much better too.
You said you've told him you want him to lose weight but have you been upfront about, emphasized not being (sexually) attracted to him? >>300246
I agree, he is too comfortable being fat. He's very confident in himself and has a large sense of pride. I also agree that I can't truly just give him the motivation/dedication, but is there something I can say to make him realize "oh fuck, my girlfriend is leagues above me and I don't even take care of my basic appearance."?
I'm not sure how long he's been fat, but he told me that he was once super fit and showed me pictures from years ago (I'm not even sure they were him, there was no face in the pictures and he's a hundred pounds lighter). I thought that if he had motivation back then, he could rekindle it in some way. One incentive I've thought about pertains to my parents, because they don't like him for being fat. They haven't met him and my mom has encouraged me to break up with him after only seeing pictures. My parents are still very involved in my life, and if he wants to get enthusiastically invited to any holidays, he has to lose weight.
I have not been upfront about not being sexually attracted to him, is there possibly a nice way of saying that?
Be mean. Call him fat. Put your hand on his belly and say "I can feel it kicking." When he reaches for seconds say "really?" When he wants a snack say "aren't you fat enough already?" Fucking take his snacks and throw them in the trash as soon as he opens them. Tell him you're done having sex with a whale and he can just go down on you until he becomes attractive again.
Are you even trying, nona? He's such a fucking loser there's no chance he'd break up with you for hurting his feelings. It's not like he's going to land another hot gf to brag about.
File: 1669135756780.jpg (23.29 KB, 491x550, unnamed.jpg)
Nonnas, I would like your opinion please. I recently met a guy and he checks most of my boxes - generous, caring, cute, attentive, clean, funny, let’s me go through his phone, emotionally/financially stable. He’s super into me and I feel happy around him, and he loves eating me out. However he’s 7 years older than me, is a lot more sexually experienced, and I’ve learned he has some wild sexual interests, particularly eating ass and being pegged. He also has nerve damage on his penis from an accident as a kid so his sensitivity is dulled. All that has me hesitating because I have no interest in receiving anal sex or pegging a guy. I made my preferences known upfront but he still wants to pursue me. I feel torn because he’s the first guy I’ve met in a while I actually genuinely connect with, but I know I could never do those things with him. Are there really men out there that just have normie vanilla sexual interests? I’ve had to wade through so many worse shit-tier guys already and he’s the one closest to checking all my boxes.
Runrunrun. “Nerve damage from a childhood accident” my fucking eye, this dudes 100% a porn addict who’s stopped responding to normal stimuli. If you’re already feeling pressured into things you’re not comfortable with then there’s nothing worth sticking around for, it will only get worse. Sorry if this is rambly but I was in your position not long ago with an older guy who pressured me into a lot of weird shit and I’m just telling you what I wish someone had told me then.
Just hang in there nonna, someday you’ll meet a wonderful loving stable guy your age who isn’t a degenerate and has a working penis.
My initial response was he wants to act like a child, treat him like one. Change the locks and he gets no key for safety reasons especially if it’s your house, but I’m sorry anon that sucks. Does he have an explanation? >>300573
Nerve damage sounds like a cover for limp dick. If he was that fucked up there would be a visible scar or something he would have mentioned. You don’t get nerve damage from nothing. If he’s already bringing up degenerate sex shit that’s a bad sign. Yes there’s vanilla sex men and in my exp they have bigger dicks that work. Men that want to get pegged are selfish in bed most of the time and focused on using you for their pleasure. >>300587
I would. I’ve been there and I can’t do it again. He will hurt her if it goes far enough it will just take time. You don’t want to have to relive through your abuse while he does it to her. She’s an adult and you can’t save her. I’m sorry nonnie
There's normal men out there who are not degenerates. My moid once thought he was someone who was into "anything" and confessed he used to jerk off too much it ruined his body. He came to his senses and realized he only believed he was into anything because he was just incompatible with his past sex partners. All I have with my moid is vanilla sex. No toys or role playing involved, he doesn't find interest in porn at all. There's a moid out there for you nonnie
. Don't settle.
Nonnies with long term relationships 2+ years,
>how do you keep things fresh?
We’ve grown used to each other’s presence by now and see each other everyday. I’m online school and his field of study isn’t a point of conversation. I’m not in STEM and I just think it’s easier for him to discuss that topic with his classmates. So generally we just cuddle after he gets home and talk about boring things like how was your day and the conversation ends. We are both introverts with no social lives outside of ourselves so we have less conversation topics than a normal couple.
>what questions should I ask him if I want us to be long term marriage material?
I’ve asked things like relationship views, porn views, family values, children, work goals, future life goals, wedding plans (we both want cheap if we can’t elope lol), emotional trauma. Is there anything else important I forgot about? I guess I haven’t talked finances, financial plans, investments. I’m not too good at finances personally and haven’t entered the workforce yet as a full time employee to plan out anything. Idk, ideally I’d like to be a housewife to him but idk how much money he needs to make for that to be a reality. And we’re not at the stage to buy a house yet, we live in a condo owned by his parents, so we haven’t talked about dream houses yet either.
We’re also both debt free and have no loans hanging over heads, that’s all I know about our financial situation.
Our political views are generally the same too so no qualms there.
>how do I “test” him?
What kinda playful jokes should I do on him to try and trick him into seeing if he’s hiding something or is secretly degenerate or something? Idk, men sometimes say one thing and lie to your face when in actuality their actions speak louder than words. What type of “shit tests” (I think they’re called that) should I do on him?
I love him a lot and think he’s the one but yeah, we’ve only been together for two years so who knows if we’ll make it down the wedding aisle. I’m aiming for that though. I date with the intention of marriage.
We talk about our day, we complain about coworkers, we talk about things going on in the world, we talk about stuff we're reading or watching separately, we talk about what's going on with our families, we talk about what we want to do this weekend or have for dinner tonight. You don't ever run out of things to talk about unless you don't like each other.>The future
You seem to be on top of it so far. Keep in mind people change their minds about things and values can change too, especially if you are still young.>Shit tests
Idk how sorry
>>300817>how do you keep things fresh?
You need to grow as people. Learn new things and try new activities and then share that with each other. Being introverted doesn't really factor into it imo, you need to get yourself more curious about the world if you want conversation to be interesting. You also need to be interested in the other person, it's confusing that you can't come up with things to ask each other beyond things people would ask an acquaintance in passing… As >>300820
said I have never run out of things to talk/laugh about with my gf, it's never been dull despite us both being introverted.
>what questions should I ask him if I want us to be long term marriage material?
Finances as you said would be good to discuss, the stuff you covered is essential so you're good on that. Health might be a relevant topic, find out what runs in his family and pay attention to long term health goals. For instance, I'm very adamant about living as long as I possibly can and need a partner who is also willing to stay fit and eat well. I want to make sure we both invest in our bodies so we can enjoy each other as long as possible, bar some tragic accident.
>how do I “test” him?
I'm a lesbian so I haven't had to do a scrote test like that, sorry.
Yeah, idk, maybe we are too clingy and codependent. We do everything together - watch the same movies, tv shows, read the same books. Maybe I should let us drift apart a little so then we have more things to talk about. I always tell him I want to read more history books and learn more about finances/economics but school gets in the way of that. (I am in library science which isn't very… entertaining
as a topic). >We talk about our day, we complain about coworkers, we talk about things going on in the world,[…] we talk about what's going on with our families, we talk about what we want to do this weekend or have for dinner tonight
These are mostly our everyday topics but I'd like something more mentally stimulating and in-depth like family therapy analysis, love languages, theories about why we behave the way we do - idk, I guess a great way to describe it would be introspective conversations? >Health might be a relevant topic, find out what runs in his family and pay attention to long term health goals.
Oh geez, I forgot about health issues! He isn't very healthy… but we both agreed that we'll take care of each other when whatever happens. I have bad dementia, cancer, heart disease, Alzheimer's on my side, he just has GI and prostate cancer on his side and no dementia. We both try to keep fit and eat healthy since that can prevent most diseases.
I've been with my husband for over six years, married for two. We are not very social people either, but we share our hobbies with each other to keep things interesting. He's really into Transformers and collecting, and I'm into lolcow drama and kpop, which couldn't be more different, but it works because we get to learn from each other. I've gotten into TF and helping him collect toys, and he's gotten into following lolcow drama with me. I think if we had the same interests it wouldn't be as fun, but that's just me.
Regarding things to ask: I think you've covered what's important, but if you have any mental illnesses, make sure that he understands them and knows how to help you in times of distress. I also was going to say that things will change after you get married no matter how much you prepare and ask questions, but >>300820
already covered that.
Oh yeah for sure! He has no friends but some classmates he occasionally talks to. I have friends but I moved away from all of them. We only reunite twice a year it seems. Maybe I should make new friends in the city but it’s hard if I’m not working or not going to school physically anywhere. >>300835
Oh yes that’s one way of getting more engaged. My partner is into cryptocurrency which I should find out more about just so I can understand the things he says to me.
I feel like I’m out of the “honeymoon phase” and things aren’t exciting/I’m not discovering new things about him. So I guess that’s why I asked how to “keep things fresh”. I know people do role playing and try to pick their SO up in a bar lol. Maybe I can try silly things like that!
, so he's into crypto, but what are you into? Are there any hobbies that you could potentially get him interested in?
Also you seem really optimistic about this roleplaying in a bar idea, but imo it feels a bit cringey and if you're not 110% committed to it, it will feel forced and potentially awkward.
>>300845>>300845>but what are you into? Are there any hobbies that you could potentially get him interested in?
I'm interested in classical music. He used to be in a jazz band and knows a little bit about music theory. He's getting me a keyboard for Christmas. We don't have one at our condo yet (which means I haven't played the piano in 2 years aka I am super rusty). I'd love to teach him piano! And I am trying to get into knitting but all I can make are scarves and hats so I am definitely not at the skill level to teach him anything higher than that yet.
Idk, maybe we can do board games and things too. We both like video games but I feel like I'm getting too old to really enjoy gaming anymore. It feels like a waste of time now and it isn't enjoyable as much anymore. I just feel like that 3h of playing a game can go into 3h of developing a new skill that can make you feel accomplished in the real world (like pottery or painting or home renovating).> optimistic about this roleplaying in a bar idea
haha yeah we haven't tried it yet but I'm open to trying new things.
File: 1669363740528.jpeg (33.42 KB, 510x325, 5C5D9292-B411-4B83-AF19-0253CF…)
I’m only coming back here because my friends are unavailable. So right off the bat I met this guy off of bumble. That’s the first issue. Second we’re in Japan and he’s Korean. He’s 29 and im 22. He has a full time job and I’m a student. During our bumble stage he was very engaging and and checking in on me and then we decided to meet in person and it went really well. I get his LINE and that’s that. Now I don’t think he has his notifications on for LINE or what but he take a while to respond. The second time we met up he treated me again and he showed me around. Nakameguro because he lives near there and it goes well. Now the third time I initiate a date and that’s when I notice that he responds in a couple of hours. Now I’m not innocent because I respond late too but mainly out of shyness and because I don’t want to come off as desperate. I know he uses KakaoTalk because I saw his phone when it was unlocked and he got a notif while we were visiting eachother. Before we met I was on bumble unmatching a few people and I saw that he updated his profile. And so Idk what to think but I ignore it. I also got his instagram and the next morning I saw that he unfollowed me. Now these look like red flags don’t they. I went out with him for the third time and we talked a little bit more but we never got into deep conversations about our past and I never got to clarify what he wanted. Then as we were leaving he gave me a hug which was a step up because the last two times he didn’t do anything but shake my hand and then texted me later saying see you soon. The other night he mentioned he was going to watch the World Cup with his friend since Korea was playing. And then o responded this morning at 7:16 saying good morning and stuff. It’s 5:01 now and no response. Also I’m always the one saying good morning.. I’m feeling lonely in general because everyone I know is busy and so I go on bumble just to mess around and I get curious to see if his profile is still up and low and behold his profile is gone and it looks like he in unmatched me. We recently followed each other on Instagram again but I’m afraid he’s still talking to other girls. I myself have cut off multiple guys that I had been talking to because I genuinely thought it was going well. He leaves for Korea for break on the 30th and I leave on December 8th. I want to see him to fully sit omdown and discuss everything but before I get my hopes up or get attached more I want to know what you guys think because this is the first time I’ve ever made so much progress with a guy I met on a dating app. You guys can be completely brutal I don’t care. Do you think it’s worth talking to him about if I get to see him again? I made him a song playlist for him and everything. Atmosphere i trying to hard or do you think he wants to take it slow? I’ll be in the US for about 3-4 weeks. I don’t want to go back to learn there’s another girl.
Sorry anon those are all red flags. You should just cut your losses and move on and find another man on bumble.
He’s not interested in you and is too much of a coward to come outright and say it.
He obviously found another girl and that girl isn’t you. Why else has he distanced himself?
I had an ex before who'd crack the type of jokes that you'd expect teen boys to love. We weren't young, he was older than me. It stood out as weird to me. I made it clear to him that I'm not the audience for that type of humor so he mostly stopped but yeah on reflection its one of those things I wish I'd payed more attention to. Even though he stopped (after being asked) it was strange at his age. Things didn't end well later on. He did have shitty views.
If anything, being a 'grown ass' person tends to lead to you filtering out certain types of humor that were once funny to you. A grown man making sexist jokes to a woman.. not the smartest. To then be annoyed that a woman isn't loving his sexist jokes.. how braindead can he be.
File: 1669404176990.jpeg (145.44 KB, 1000x1129, FhR6XlJVsAAkkKl.jpeg)
So I've always been an ugly girl, but in the past couple of years my appearance changed almost completely. I look so much better somehow, I "grew into my bones" and have started getting loads of attention from guys around my age. One of them was my long-time friend and we've been dating for 6 months now. A couple weeks ago another moid who looks absolutely amazing to me confessed his feelings, and another two guys (who are also rlly good-looking) asked me out a couple of times.
And I swear it's taking EVERY OUNCE of my self control to reject them. It literally haunts me at night, I know how retarded that sounds, but for 24 years I haven't got attention from any guy, but now suddenly so many guys who are just my type are asking me out while I'm in relationship. It feels so bad, I don't know if I should break up with my bf or not because I honestly struggle to stay loyal (I haven't cheated, I just find it hard to reject them), on top of feeling very dejected because my personality hasn't changed at all, but now that I look different suddenly everyone is interested. Am I being retarded?
Everyone, tell me I’m an idiot.
I started dating a man in May. He seemed super kind, quiet, very much my type. After we’d hung out a couple times he laid it all out for me. He’s in a “platonic open marriage”. They’ve been married for 6 years, platonic for 4. They’d both dated other people. She’d been in a year-long relationship with a man who eventually broke her heart. They’d been together for several years prior to their marriage. He told me they were on the same page about wanting to separate. She was planning on moving out, and if that didn’t happen he would move out. He told me things might be difficult “at the beginning”, and I believed him. We’re all in our 30s, btw.
Since then. Nothing has happened. They re-signed their year lease, which I didn’t know. After a couple months I sussed out that they were still sleeping in the same bed. I told him I thought it was inappropriate. He said it wasn’t sexual, it was just convenient and “it would cause problems” if he didn’t, so he didn’t change that. Meaning she would be upset. Every month or so I would check in and say, what’s going on? Whats the plan, any progress? And he would say he’s working on it. He said he was following leads for places to live, but he didn’t have enough money yet. I know he’s been working hard.
I hit the wall recently. I asked him what was going on, and he said he still didn’t have enough money to move, and she would also be uncomfortable with him subletting (they have another roommate, I was always told subletting was an option), so it made the most sense for him to wait until their lease was up. In another 7 or 8 months. I told him no, that was unacceptable. And that they still slept in the same bed was unhealthy and fucked up. We got into a big thing where I laid out my needs or else I was ready to walk away —they need to have a real conversation about their plans, obviously he needs to sleep in the spare room, and get therapy. He wanted to do it after the holidays, I told him no. I realized I can’t deal with this, and told him I need a break. Supposedly he’s been sleeping in the spare room. But the fact that he hasn’t done anything to move forward has made me realize I can’t trust his sweet words and best intentions. I told him to check in after the holidays and see if he’s done anything- anything- to move forward.
Please, give me a reality check.
This is a guy who has done sketchy thing after sketchy thing while making dumb excuses about not upsetting his wife to justify it, has made no progress in leaving his wife/ex and what little "progress" he's made is completely unproveable and amounts to nothing. He's giving you absolutely nothing in half a year, cut off immediately while it's limited to 6 months because before you know it, you're a year in, 2 years or more. And do it before the holidays so you can focus on loved ones or whatever you've got planned for the holidays.>>300978
Nothing about your posts indicated that you're particularly smitten/in love with your current bf. If you don't really see and want a long-term relationhip with him you might aswell break up and satisfy your curiosity about dating around.
File: 1669543344286.jpg (60.42 KB, 634x625, Sk.jpg)
>high libido, celibate for 6 years
>horny for most men I spend more than an hour with
>manager 10 years my senior recently single after breaking up with partner
>sexual attraction is affecting my personal and work life
I'm getting sexual dreams about him, and masturbating to thoughts of him. We spend a lot of time together anyway because of work, but I'm low-key flirting with him and putting myself in positions where he'll instigate something, even though I know he's a good guy who won't do such a thing, as he's in a position of care for his direct reports.
He's a normie, very friendly with everyone, not smart - completely the opposite of me, but my horniness is making me an absolute freak.
>inb4 get a vibrator
I own 3 and a dildo already.
why have you been celibate for years? imo it's a reeeeal bad idea to get involved with anyone you work with. my best friend at work is going through this rn and it is so awkward, and they did not even do anything.
anyways, it's not too hard to a man to sleep with though if that's what you really need-i feel like it's easier to find hookups than men actually looking for relationships. because it doesn't sound like you love him it sounds like you are just lusting after him.
File: 1669585214456.jpg (34.98 KB, 640x360, PRI_201959227.jpg)
No, I'd rather be celibate and invest in a fuck machine than have a hookup with a retarded guy I have zero chemistry with. I don't even have great chemistry with my manager, tbf, but even that is better than a random guy. The first guy I tried hooking up with I walked out on because he refused cunnilingus. The other had a micropenis. >>301169
Like the other anon said, wouldn't mind hearing your story. I'll keep your advice in mind, I already feel embarrassed at how transparent and desperate my behaviour must look. I've said some really autistic shit about his break up and he's a major normie. The only thing I've got going for me is my age, and even then I'm an ugly awkward 25 year old, not a hot one…
Okay, I hope this helps nonnie
. I briefly dated my manager; we had never met in person because we're an international company but when my work held a company wide celebration we ended up hooking up on the final night which then led to us getting together secretly soon after it ended. At first it was amazing; we fell really, really hard for one another (or at least he acted like he did). It was exciting, fulfilling, genuinely the happiest I had ever been with someone, but he broke up with me a couple months later after he told me that he wasn't over a previous relationship. The first few months following the breakup were awful, despite being my manager he never spoke to me once during this time, actively coming up with ways to negate checking up on me one-on-one. This made me genuinely terrified of going to him to ask questions because I felt like I was a bother. I was also very paranoid that I'd lose my job. After a while he started to talk to me again, but things have never been the same. I know he doesn't want to talk to me, that if it were up to him that we would never speak again, and that feeling is always present whenever I have to send him a message or see him during a meeting (which are also extremely awkward). It's humiliating. I feel so awful about myself. It feels like he's disgusted with me when I know I never did anything wrong or hurtful towards him. HE kissed ME. HE pursued ME. And yet I feel like a monster. I've tried so hard to keep the peace and to make sure things aren't awkward. We've gotten to the point where we're friendly with each other and joke around again, which feels nice at the time, but in these moments I want so badly to ask him, don't you know how much this all hurts? Did you ever actually care for me, even just a little bit? I don't know what your relationship is like with this coworker, how closely you have to work with them, but don't do it. It's really not worth it no matter how much it may seem like things could be different with them. If things ever go south like it did with me, it hurts incredibly.
Muslim men use kaffir women for their promiscuous years, before having an arranged marriage with a virgin Muslim woman. Any "Muslim" man who's willing to date a kaffir is the most misogynistic selfish user of any men you will meet. They view kaffir as sluts to use before settling down with a quality woman.
And this is coming from a Muslim woman. I'm incredibly paranoid about Islamic marriage, because this kind of disgusting behaviour is rife in low-value Muslim men living in the West.
There are some Christians/Catholics that are “lukewarm”. Basically, they say they believe in God and Jesus, but have a lot of liberal leanings that don’t always align with the church, such as being pro-choice.
Even though there might be some flexible Christians and Catholics (that might hardly be considered as such), I still get some ick because they’re believing in a religion that has roots in misogyny and animal sacrifice, and it’s written in the Old Testament. I can’t help but wonder if in the back of their mind, they believe women are lesser.
So yes I’ve considered Christians and Catholics when dating, but I prefer someone who is plainly spiritual or a Wiccan or something.
i think it depends on what "religious" means to them. i've dated a few moids (irish catholic, jewish) who claimed their religions due to their value as ethnic markers, but didn't really adhere to any of the tenets of their faiths beyond not killing people and observing the major holidays. basically, if he's sufficiently half-assed about it, i don't consider it a red flag for anything beyond mild hypocrisy.
this is exclusively for the mainstream, comparably normie shit. i would never, ever date anyone who claimed to be a mormon
Personally I would say yes. This may be because I have been in abusive
relationships but I hear that and can’t help but think he would be trying to lower your guard and increase how comfortable you are with him. Even guys I’ve known who have been super naive and green to the real world knew that men are dangerous and it’s reasonable for women to take precautions. Obviously take what an Internet stranger says with a grain of salt but I would be a bit alert if I were you.
File: 1669735940586.gif (461.98 KB, 400x296, D9922BF4-E3D4-4666-9658-33C1BC…)
How do you deal with a partner who micromanages everything you do? I love my gf but I feel like I can’t do anything right in her eyes. I’ll be folding laundry and she’ll ask why I’m folding shirts instead of hanging dresses first, as if that’s something everyone knows. Or I’ll go to the grocery store and she wants bread so I pick up the bread we normally get but no, I should’ve picked up the one on sale. I’m afraid to do or say anything because I know she’ll find issue with it. She says I need to be better at picking up on context clues and that I should just text her if I have questions but that’s the thing, I never know what it is I’m doing wrong until she points it out! My self esteem has gone downhill but I don’t know how to confront her because in her eyes she is right and I am just the bumbling oaf. Actually as I’m typing this I’m realizing that she doesn’t actually do anything around the house because she’s “tired from work”. Why have me do everything if I can’t do it right?
File: 1669740790599.jpg (134.63 KB, 823x823, 1578489406159.jpg)
Nonnas I know this is going to be long but I really need advice. This is my first time posting on this thread so I hope I don't mess it up
>in my early twenties
>complex PTSD from years of abuse and parental neglect. Affection and touch starved (like, a lot).
>I do consistently work on my issues and see a therapist
>recently managed to get on disability and my first job ever, looking forward to moving out
>all is going well at work, coworkers are nice
>3 monthes in
>coworker my age that I'm used to see around and whos kinda hot and my type talks to me for the first time and asks for my number
>we text but we don't have much in common, esp. since he's from Sudan and struggles with the language (I'm from Europe). But he's cute and I'm affection starved so I agree to a coffee date
>it goes pretty ok but towards the end, he goes from shy to very forward, we hug and kiss for like an hour
>I find out I don't like deep kisses at this point (at least now at this point in my life) so I keep avoiding them, he insists a lot tho
>back home I freak out and avoid him for a few days
>eventually I tell him I'm sorry I do like him but things went too far for me last time
>agree on a 2nd date
>again he wants to french kiss and tries to touch my chest. I have to tell him no a few times for him to stop insisting
>today at break we went to his friend's place when nobodys there (bad idea ik) and cuddle on the couch
>well I just want to cuddle but he keeps grinding on me and trying to touch me on intimate places
>again I have to say no many times and struggle in his hold to get off the couch. He always laugh it off
>am torn on what to do because I do want to cuddle but he keeps making it sexual
>go back to work trying to keep friendly but distant
Other things he's said/done:
>decided I'm his girlfriend although we've only been on like, two dates?
>wants to know where I live exactly (still haven't told him)
>wants me to come over to his place (yeah, not gonna happen)
>wants me to tell my parents abt him
>mentions wanting us to move in together
It's frustrating cuz my love starvation and the fact he is very cute and my type keep me hooked on him, despite him making me uncomfortable and probably only wanting sex from me. Also knowing we'll keep seeing eachother at work and that it'll be awkward.
If someone could give me some insight/advice I would be very grateful
I met a male recently, he wasn't outwardly religious, I wouldn't have known it if we didn't start talking about more serious topics. But after we did I found out he was Catholic (non practicing?) and when he described the way it influenced his world view it made me put down religion as a hard no. Maybe that makes me a bigot but I wouldn't ever date with someone who says he 'believes in the power of prayer' or a real Devil. He also said other stuff about his own behaviour that was orange flags. Learning this side of him was like the opposite of >>301390
's post, it felt like it came out of nowhere since he wasn't brought up as a Catholic, like it's hardly Ireland (literally not Ireland). I'd say that moid was conservative, not stereotypically so, but we're in our early 20's and he seems so weirdly out of touch after I scratched the surface in a way that's not worth bothering with for me as a woman. And I'm glad I experienced it now and not later so I know what I wouldn't compromise over. I am an extreme skeptic and also not white so I don't want anything to do with Abrahamic religions that have had nothing to do with my original culture. I've lost enough connection to my roots, I feel like if I got serious with a Christian man that would be pickme behaviour on a spiritual level, not that I mean this super seriously but I hope someone else gets what I mean. Do any other POC
anons have similar experiences with living in a mostly white Christian area?
That sounds exhausting. I’m sad to say I used to behave similarly to my ex. I wish I could put my finger on exactly why, but I think I have some co-dependency issues and emotional flashbacks from childhood. It’s like wanting on some subconscious level to merge together so he couldn’t disappoint me. I did in some capacity know my expectations of him were irrational and felt bad and ashamed about it.
I remember feeling like I often did more for us in the relationship, and eventually I got into this resentful mindset I guess. We also struggled with communication in general. I regret not having shown more appreciation for him now, so maybe that’s a way you can talk to your gf about it? Say you feel underappreciated and that you would like to practice expressing more gratitude? I think it’s harder to feel critical towards someone all the time if you learn to appreciate their efforts.
I wish I had better advice. This type of behaviour is toxic
and narcissistic, and I think the biggest problem is that your gf isn't willing to listen to you. If she won’t change, it’s better to cut your losses than have your confidence completely destroyed. I'm sorry you're going through this.
>>301538>you can tell they see you as a charity case being a woman of colour.
Thanks for the warning because luckily I haven't experienced that yet. Sounds horrible, more so when it's a religion where non believers just haven't seen the light
is built into it.
I grew up in an african islamic house hold. I’m an athiest now and my worst experience has by far been with muslim moids. They are the most entitled, regressive and abusive
people i’ve ever come across. Don’t even get me started on the weird white guys that convert to islam.
Anyway, I don’t think i could date a man who follows an abrahamic religion. I can’t speak on polytheistic religions bc it’s not big where I live right now (White christian/mormon area) but most men who follow abrahamic religions are conservative and misogynistic and have never had an original thought in their lives.
Weirdly enough though I would like to date someone with a similar background to me (growing up muslim). My boyfriend is half Indonesian and grew up somewhat muslim but in a white washed way. He doesnt believe in or care for it tho but its really nice to be able to talk about cultural similarities and our background without the fear the fear of shame or judgement. Its rare and im really lucky
Thank you. I feel bad for posting because I love her so much but I’ve grown to feel as though she’s just tired and annoyed with me; that the only reason she’s still with me is because of our lease and finances.The negging is really the only complaint I have in the relationship. I just don’t know how to feel right now and am scared of confronting her.>>301528
Thank you as well. That is good advice to remember for the future!
I’m sorry but the problem is clearly the girlfriend. OP is retarded for not having the balls to stand up for herself against the narc gf.
If u get the same bread everyday, why assume you’d need to get the cheaper one? And had she gotten the cheaper one I bet her girlfriend would complain about how she should’ve stuck with the regular bread they get.
It’s not even about being unable to do the tasks - as OP stated she is the one who does most of the work - it’s about doing the task exactly the way her girlfriend wants her to at that moment. If she has a problem with the way you do things, the way you fold clothes, etc and your self esteem is getting worse you really need to talk to your partner. If they dont like the way you do it they can do it themselves or shut up.
And this >>301593
is why you’re a dumbass bitch. You’re a doormat. You’re allowed to be upset and want more help. You’re allowed to complain about your girlfriends unnecessary demands. Stand up for yourself jesus
I'm similar to you anon, I grew up in a south asian islamic household and will avoid south asian islamic men at all costs (and muslims in general). They are consistently the most abusive
, controlling, narc type of men to exist.
I hope more muslim women grow some balls and end their torture. There's a better life out there for us and those of us in western countries have the opportunity to take it. I don't regret my actions and am now living with my bf away from my family and I'm the happiest I've ever been.
>>301829 >discussed continuing a romantic relationship again in the future if fate brings us together again
I've seen situations like this play out with friends and ngl I've made a note personally never to wait around on a guy who've I've already had one break up with. That all break ups are final and bfs know theres no dropping it and picking it back up later when it suits. I know theres always going to be exceptions to the rule but from what I've seen it results in either relationships that cycle through making up and breaking up several more times before they truly call it a day.. or one of you waits for the other and then finds out the other person wasn't returning that favor and they've suddenly met someone else. Most of my friends that entertained that idea weren't experienced in dating. It was their first relationship so in a way they just couldn't picture themseles with anyone else.
Breaking up once is usually enough to know that the future doesn't look bright. It sets a bad precedence.
>>301835>Breaking up once is usually enough to know that the future doesn't look bright. It sets a bad precedence.
Yeah. If it's like a fling sure it might work in the future. But an ACTUAL long-term relationship? LOL. LMAO. If your moid gave up/figured out he doesn't love you, you can quote him on that for the rest of your life, regardless of what he
lies he comes up with later on.
At best he'll be stringing you along because he's a loser with no options. Until he won't. And that's the best case scenario.
File: 1670011271878.gif (3.55 MB, 498x278, block-blocked.gif)
The solution is really simple.