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No. 44548

New relationshit general since the other has reached post limit.

Any ideas on how to get partner to try rougher sex (choking, etc)? He's so afraid of hurting me or leaving marks but I'm into that shit. I guess it doesn't help he personally knew my ex who did sexually abuse me.

No. 44549

Every time my partner upsets me or does something hurtful, he'll apologize later on and tell me he loves me, except that I can't just flip a switch and be cuddly again despite missing him a ton. He doesn't do anything to bridge the gap created by arguing. He thinks I'll just wake up and feel better, even though I feel like too much shit to even sleep well to begin with. He thinks I need space when I need the exact opposite, but I can't ask for that more than I already have or hinted because I have brain issues. So there's a rift and I don't know how to repair it. What the fuck do I do?

No. 44550

Talk to him about it.


Tell him everything you wrote in this post. Stop dropping "hints". Your brain issues shouldn't mean that you can't ask either.

No. 44551

I have spoken to him about it, he's just super resistant. Getting him to even spank me with a belt was like asking him to put a loaded gun to my head. I don't know how to make him comfortable with the idea of doing it.

No. 44552

If you already discussed it with him multiple times and he's not comfortable with it, that's it. Period. You can't force the dude to try things he clearly dislikes, no matter how into them you are.

No. 44553

Hah, I'm in the same situation, he's really afraid of hurting me so he doesn't do anything. Even just dirty talk makes him feel awkward. I've noticed he does mimic what I do a bit, the more I bite him the more he bites me, maybe try that if he's not receptive even after discussing it.

No. 44554

my friend is like that, but i just told him about my sexual assault. we both enjoy rough sex, but he always asks during if i'm okay, comfortable, in any sort of pain etc. maybe ease him into it by having him do simpler things like squeezing your waist harder when he fucks you, or spanking during doggy, then hair pulling, then choking. work your way up, in a sense.

No. 44555

Had surgery, again, 4th time in 2 years 'downstairs' for cysts. And once again, I can't have sex for at least 2 weeks.

Now my fiance is demanding to sleep with other women because he 'can't go two weeks without fucking'.

Oh, and I just started a new job which I've probably lost because of this bullshit, after being unemployed for a year. I'm just gonna take more pain meds.

No. 44556

sounds like your fiance is total garbage.
get out while you can.

No. 44557

Your life sounds like a real big mess /:

No. 44558

Sorry anon, but he sounds like a cunt. 2 weeks without sex, woe is fucking me. Pornhub and some tissues should be more than enough when your future wife is healing.
Will he not even take oral or anything during this time?

No. 44560

Yeah fuck this guy, seriously. Dump him.

No. 44561

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Your fiance belongs in the trash. Get out ASAP. I guarantee if you stay with him, he will cheat on you. Save yourself the grief.

No. 44562

I can't talk about this with my friends, so I hope at least you, fellow farmers, will help me.

My fiance (I hate this term uhh) is the smartest person I know. His social skills were not as good though but recently he started to getting worse and worse. I have to stay by his side all the time, he can't even communicate with others properly and answering his parents calls is out of the question. He constantly needs to check my phone or ask about my male co-workers or even female friends ("Do you like her more than me? Why do you hang out with her all the time?"). Also, his productivity is really low - he manages to hold down his job but most of the time he just glares at the ceiling. I don't know what happened to him, he used to have big dreams, be really pumped-up for his hobbys and job. He doesn't want to talk to me about his current situation.
Mental care is not a good resolution (now, at least) bc my country is shitty in that area. Therapists are not that common and when I proposed him to visit one he declined.

Sorry for being so whiny - I just don't know how to help him.

No. 44563


Oral I can do and is fine. I can't even masturbate atm so my sexual frustration is off the charts. I told him if he wants to sleep with someone else, then you can have the ring back and I'll move out.

Ended that pretty quick, but we'll see.

I wish this fucking cyst could like, be operated on or removed - it gets in the way of regular sex when I'm not recovering, so I can't go at it like I want to. I dunno where everything went wrong anons, but don't follow me. I know I did this to myself, but it still hurts.


Sounds like depression, guys can show weird signs of depression because they don't want to show weakness, so they channel it into anger and jealousy and shit like that. Wish you could get him some help, mentally. Therapists might be $$$, but I'm on anti-depressants, would those be easier to get?

Might also be low testosterone? Just throwing things out there.

No. 44564

It actually baffles me how little communication goes on between other couples. Just talk to your boyfriends and if they don't talk back, idk why you're together.

But back on subject, I'm really into rough sex also. My boyfriend has been pretty open to trying stuff out but it's just not in him, he's too sweet and gentle. I've just come to accept that it's just not in him to be that way. It's a little disappointing sexually but I can't change who he is. I don't think he gets it either because his tastes are weirdly 100% vanilla.

No. 44565

I love guys like that. You're lucky. There are so few, especially nowadays. Hard to meet any like that, really.

No. 44566

That's why I love him and I'd never want to change him. I've never met anyone else like him in my lifetime.

I genuinely hope everyone here can find someone who treats them with the respect that they deserve x

No. 44567

is it possible to have a straight best guy friend who you can be sure will never come on to you?

No. 44568

if they're in a relation ship most likely
but still there is a possibility

No. 44570

I'm starting to develop romantic feelings for a long time friend. I'm about 60% sure he feels the same way, but I know in my heart that It may not be successful if we start a relationship.

No. 44571

With choking, a little pressure from the palms is good, but most of the good sensation is from the pressure in the fingertips/wrist, so it feels like he's pressing, but he's actually not restricting air flow much at all.

Also, all these stories about shitty BFs and bad Fiances, man, you could just move one and meet the right person, and suddenly 1 year feels like 5. Doesn't matter how long you've been with someone, moving on is not a waste of your time. Most of you are in your early-mid 20s, like, you seriously have a looooong time to date and find the right guy.

No. 44572

In my experience it's possible but only if they knew your boyfriend first. If he met you first, he began fantasising about sex with you from the start, he feels no obligation to respect your boyfriend. If he met your boyfriend first, he sees you as his property and that it's his duty to his friend to treat you with respect.

I know it's shitty but that's just how it is.

No. 44573

That's so grim, but moreover you're acting like people can't get over attraction. Plenty of people have started off by finding people attractive but gone on to just become really good platonic friends

No. 44574

Women, sure. But men can't do that. I don't think I've been "friends" with a guy for more than a few months because they eventually realise I'm not interested.

No. 44575

My boyfriend and I are both young and in an LDR. We've been planning for me to visit him/live with him in the up coming summer and are very much ~ in love ~.

The problem is that he's going through some shit right now in his personal life dealing with his family (I think it's centered around his junkie cousin). He doesn't want to talk about it (but I honestly wouldn't be surprised if he told one of his close friends idk) and is obviously depressed and pissed about it. He's also planning on moving to another (very big, well known) city either towards the end of the year or early next year.

I feel a growing distance between us, and the idea of him moving to that big city (and possibly rooming with a friend instead of his dad) is terrifying, even though I know it's selfish of me to think this way. I told him this morning I felt like we were distant and maybe he didn't want to be with me anymore and he told me to "shut up, never think that way" and "I love you and want to be with you" etc. But it's so often he hides his issues from me. I'm trying to give him space. I don't know how to deal with it or how to deal with my growing insecurity that after he moves, he won't have time for me anymore or maybe he'll find someone else or that I'll lose him. Does anyone have any advice?

>inb4 young people in LDR's never work out in the long run

No. 44576

Not sure if this is the right topic but hoping I can get some advice here.
I've always pushed anyone away who tried to get close to me so I'm borderline friendless, I have acquaintances and I know people who are friendly with me but nobody I would say I'm 'close' to besides my boyfriend who is the only person to actually stop me from pushing them away. I used to meet a lot of people so I have lots of friendly acquaintances who I've met and then added on FB but I always push people away so nobody bothers trying to talk to me anymore and I don't really like having long conversations with anybody so I don't start any. I don't get any chances at all to socialise anymore either so I'm not meeting new people.

Related to the topic, me and my boyfriend are really serious about our relationship and planning to marry. I don't have any friends I'm close enough to invite to the wedding, I can't even think of one person to be my bridesmaid and the only family I am close with to invite are my parents.
What should I do? Try to deepen friendships with people who tried to be friendly with me before? I have no passion or energy in socialising so it's difficult. I just think it's embarrassing when I realise I'm that much of a self induced loner.

No. 44577

Sorry if this is prejudiced af but I'm starting to find this is almost a lifestyle/class divide. Nonsexual opposite sex friendships seem really normal in the big city where I live, in the lefty/arty scenes I run in, but whenever I go back to my backwater town where people marry young etc it seems rare.
I know lefties can be sleazy creeps too but still, this is my experience.

No. 44578

First of all, are you happy with the way that you are? That is, are you happy without close friends?

I can sympathise with you, anon because I've never been the type to want to put effort into close friendships and prefer to be by myself more than hang out with a friend. I would say that you should talk to your boyfriend about having a family only ceremony (either destination or just further from your city so friends wouldn't be able/willing to come anyway.) Or you could try skip the ceremony part entirely if that sort of thing isn't important to you.

No. 44579

Men don't want to raep you, so encourage him to take two steps forward, one step back. If you're insecure about your body, you can either get over it, or not blame him for exploring that area. A top-tier guy will feel around your bodeh and let you dictate when you want to keep going. Personally, I'm a footfag, so instead of engaging her logic, asking if I can suck her toes, I make my way to that, and see if she'll go along with it, or not. Sometimes they're into it, sometimes not. I like exploring fetishes/kinks with women. The psychology is pretty interesting.

Failing that, I guess you could just tell the dumb bastard to take it slow, but if you have to tell him, he's a low-quality shitter.

No. 44580

Perhaps you're involved with a boii who only sees and comprehends the present moment. That, or he's fucktarded and doesn't give a shit about your feelings. Unfortunately, it's an uphill battle to change anyone, and given that there are many fish in the sea…

He doesn't have the right to assume you'll just get over shit for no reason. He's being a shit.

No. 44581

Ummm, there's more than one way to skin a cat. He's being a bitch. I'd recommend anal, but he sounds like the kind of guy who would ram your butte unkindly, considering he "can't" go 2 weeks without sex. He could at least suck your nipples and jerk off.

No. 44582

Does anyone have a kik or skype or something? I need advice

No. 44583

I understand how you feel anon I'm coming from a similar experience in a ldr relationship myself, mine is the same way but what I have learned is to listen to him and leave him alone if needed but if you want to help you can do things to help keep his mind off of it

No. 44584

Is it worth giving a clingy but super nice guy a chance? We aren't even dating but he won't leave me alone ever. During school hours he's constantly around me and after school he always wants to be at my house or wants me to be at his.

Like, at school if I go to the bathroom he'll someone be outside and play it off as if he was just walking by (which is honestly kind of cute). But hell, I go to a huge university, how the fuck does he know where I always am? Not to say I find that creepy, but sometimes I just want to sit in the library and chill, you know? Clinginess just counters my more introverted personality where I really desire and love alone time.

I'm concerned that if we DO start dating, it will amplify by 10x. He's super funny and qt and I do like him, but I feel like it's engrained into who is he and he'd never be able to change that.

Anyone have experience with the "beta orbiter" types? I don't want to call him that, but shit he really fits the label.

No. 44585

Do you like him?
If you don't like him, don't date him.
If you do like him, does he give you space when you ask him to? Like, idk anon, I would probably never be attracted to a guy that stalked me like that.

No. 44586

Why not ask here? It's what the thread is for.

No. 44587

You're right but it's a long story and I'm scared to be open about it

No. 44588

LDR here, my bf keeps getting suspicious of me cheating. I've been having lots of anxiety recently and I feel he thinks im shady. but the reason why I get anxious when he gets suspicious is because a few years ago some someone posted nudes and used my name and state and he thought it was me and broke up with me until I proved it wasn't me. I'm always afraid he's going to assume I actually did and break up with me. I have never cheated on him, I don't want to or plan to I want a future with him and I love him very much. I understand that he gets suspicious at times because of the distance and he has been cheated on before. I just need advice on how to calm down and not get anxious when he is suspicious (breaking up is out of the question, like I said before I want a future with this person I've been in love with for years and I'm not going to throw it away over something small), I'm sorry if I worded this badly I just need advice

No. 44589

So I started dating this guy I met through an online dating website. First date was alright, I thought we got along well enough, but we didn't kiss or anything (I was to awkward for that since this was my first 'online' date). We agreed for another date the following week but didn't set a place or time (is that to long of a wait?). Then we both got busy (and I was out of state) so we didn't text much for a few days. I texted him tonight asking him if he was still up for another date on Tuesday and he said sure and to tell him the time.

Now let me preface this with something, this guy has sent me multi-paragraph texts since we started talking online. I don't mind it and I know it's unusual but he's and English teacher who loves his job, so I figured he loves writing. So he replys once to my text with some follow up to some of the topics I brought up, then he ended it with…

"Hope you have a good rest of your night, and we'll talk at some point before Tuesday I'm sure :)"

I guess I'm not used to the whole 4 paragraphs per text thing (maybe he sees it as more like a letter writing thing), or maybe I'm just retarded/insecure by trying to over analyze it. It just gave me a bad vibe, as if he isn't interested in me anymore.

At the same time I don't understand why I feel insecure about it. I don't (or shouldn't) feel very invested in him yet (which is why I wanted to set up a second date, to see if I could be) but I still kind of like him.

Anons, please tell me I'm just being insecure/retarded.

No. 44590

Wouldn't 4 paragraphs mean he's actually super interested in you?

No. 44591

This is probably the dumbest question ever but if he calls you fam does it mean he doesn't view you as dating material? Lmao. We've known each other online for a few months (we play the same game) and we live a few hours apart so it's not like a relationship would be totally out of the question if it came up.

We've started talking almost constantly recently outside of games on snapchat and shit and sometimes it seems like he's flirting, like he'll tell me I'm the best or sweet, when I was really sick he was always checking on me, or he'll be like come cut my hair (I'm a cosmetology student) but people are always like "if they say fam they don't like you like that" or whatever. (I call him bb or babe.) After my last "relationship" which turned out to be some guy using me for a pump and dump, I'm so paranoid and unsure of myself.

No. 44592


I guess, I've never messaged with anyone that goes about it that way (except with emails). The whole thing felt more like email/letter writing than texting. Almost all of my text/phone convo replies with friends and family (and past prospective dates) are max 3 or 4 sentences each, not 3 to 4 paragraphs.

I guess I'll just chock it up to it being something very different than what I usually encounter and just feeling uncomfortable with the newness of it. Oh well, I'll just have to see it through. Thanks anon.

No. 44593

Well I mean if he replied to each message with one-word responses like 'k' or 'I guess' or 'nvm' I'd be worried, this way it sounds almost endearing.

No. 44594

The guy I like keeps flip flopping between "you're a Stacy and pretty" and "you're ordinary/passable". Then he said he wanted a petite blonde blue eyed pure white girl to breed with. I am petite, but I have dark hair and brown eyes. I like this guy a lot but he really keeps me up at night..

No. 44595

>he said he wanted a petite blonde blue eyed pure white girl to breed with
if that's not a red flag idk what is. stay the fuck away anon.

No. 44596

Agree agree agree everything you've shared about this guy screams asshole. Future you will thank you for not getting in with him.

No. 44597

I'm going to go ahead and guess that you've never actually met him in person, right?
As much as I wish it were possible, you will never find a sane man to date from an imageboard, because the sane ones aren't the ones giving out their personal info. All you get is autistic spergmeisters, robots, and /pol/tards, and they're not exclusive to just one of those descriptors.

No. 44598

He sounds like a piece of shit, why do you like him again? And why is he taking about Stacy/'breeding' like he's a red pill/incel/whatever they're going by these days? Honey, please, love yourself.

No. 44599

He sounds like shit, tbh.

No. 44600

So I'm going to go ahead and say stop wasting time with this guy. He won't ultimately want you, an he also sounds like he's not worth your trouble.

No. 44601

I've been dating this fuckboy since June and while i like most things about him i feel like we're not that compatible, but i don't want to break up with him.I met him online, i am a part of a Facebook humor group and he posted le funny memes XD there.He added me on FB and after chatting with him for a few weeks we went to a meetup and i met him in person.We started dating but i simply cannot live with him for more than 8 hours at a time, he's very tiring and i feel like he drains my energy.He's like the complete opposite of me, he's hyperactive, flamboyant, talks too much and too loud and is obnoxious.Think Milo Yiannopoulos but much shorter and swarthier.He's smart, very knowledgeable about a lot of things so he's not a complete idiot, has a good paying job and comes from a good family and is funny but sometimes it is too much for me, i am an introvert and it is simply tiring to be next to him.I've been on a 3 day trip with him and his friends and my favorite part of the trip was when we left.Last week we were out in town and he got a text from his 'friend' and proposed to join them, them being a group of 5 girls that were openly flirting with him, which is something i absolutely hate since i do not like competition.I honestly don't know how he gets so much female attention, my previous boyfriend was much more conventionally attractive and usually got nothing, whereas this swarthy manlet is always with some chick.I doubt he cheated on me so far but i don't know if i should break up with him or not, he makes me feel insecure and is a very tiresome person.

No. 44602

>my favorite part of the trip was when we left
This is very telling. You aren't compatible, and you know this. He's draining your energy. How can this relationship possibly be sustainable? Just leave him already.

In terms of the girls flirting with him thing, was he rejecting them or letting it fly? If he rejected them and you were still feeling insecure, you should probably work in that insecurity. You can't pin that one on him, necessarily…

No. 44603


Sounds like you guys aren't compatible. It wouldn't be fair to ask him to change a major part of him (he's an extrovert), and it's not healthy to neglect yourself just to keep up with him.

You can always explain to him that you're an introvert, that you need time to yourself to recoup etc… he might just be fine with that. He might not. Remember though, if you're not going to be going out as often with him you'll have to be okay with the fact he might hang out with other chicks (like your example). Also, the reason why everyone likes him (especially girls) is because he's an outgoing extrovert who hangs out with outgoing extroverts.

No. 44604

Damn, you're right. I was planning to meet him but I guess not anymore.

No. 44605


>was he rejecting them or letting it fly?

I honestly don't know what to believe.I asked him about this today and he said that those girls have no intention of doing anything with him and that they were just joking.At that moment he was just playing along, i guess.Maybe he's right, maybe i just see things that aren't there.


I will muster up the courage to tell him this.

No. 44606

My boyfriend calls me "dude" all the time (well not exactly dude but an equivalent in my language that is distincly male)and we love each other very much. It doesn't mean anything, don't worry about it.

No. 44607

I'm friends with my ex. We're pretty close, and we're like FWB except we don't have sex, we cuddle and act cutesy instead. He's one of the big reasons I'm content on not having a bf right now.

I've thought about setting him up with my friend since they seem to like each other. I feel like this is going to backfire, and they're going to abandon me, and I'm just going to end up a trainwreck instead.

I guess everyone here is going to say not to be friends with your ex in the first place.

No. 44608


Yeah, why would you want to hookup your Feb if you enjoy what you both have atm. Once they start dating he's not going to give you any attention anymore. Unless they're open to having an open relationship, they're gonna go do their thing without you.

No. 44609

If I were his new gf and saw you cuddling with him I'd slap the shit out of you and dump him on the spot.

Take that as you will.

No. 44611

I can do both, since she knew he was in a relationship, being his ex and all

No. 44612

Thank you ;-; my other problem is I am extremely clingy (which he loves) because of parental issues but it's bringing out all of my insecurities. I'm getting my nose and tits done before I see him which he knows about but he doesn't know the full extent of it. I also wanna get a labiaplasty, not because there's anythong wrong with it but because I want it to look as cute and perfect as possible. I feel like I have to be so much physically better than I am so he'll never cheat or look at another girl and want to fuck her yknow? I dunno. I love him and I just want to be perfect for him.

No. 44614

Because they both share the blame? If she knew he was taken, she could've had enough respect to fuck off?

But, I agree to a degree, guys often don't get blamed since their SO's are kind of still in denial on how "he would never do that"

No. 44615

ok, does anyone else not have the urge, or interest in being in a relationship? i'm not asexual, i have sex frequently, but a friend of mine finds it completely bizarre that all i am interested in is sex or friendship (or both). he believes that everyone has a soulmate, and that there's someone for everybody, but i don't believe that at all. i find guys attractive, then i fuck em if they're into me. beyond that, i have no urge to do or be anything more with them. personally, i like to believe that i don't really get lonely, but i do seldomly. it's not enough for me to settle down though lol. this guy i know of used to fuck girls and then he caught feelings for one (and now they're together), and i don't want that to happen to me. it actually scared me when i heard that lol.

people don't really need relationships, right?

No. 44616


Anon, just do you. Don't listen to your friend. It's fine if you don't ever want a relationship, its also fine if you decide to change your mind or not.

No. 44617

Chill, I am not cuddling with anyone in a relationship.

But either Bill or Charlene cheated on their partner before getting together. So they are not really blameless angels.

No. 44618

I've got a question for all you anons: How much money do your boyfriends spend on you, and how often do they take you out?

Im considering marrying an ex (broke up when I moved), in part because he is very nice and bought me anything. I don't care about marrying a best friend or anything like that. I want my partner to treat me very well and always be there for me through thick and thin. Most of my exes paid for food/rent and bought be nice gifts, but this guy is extra nice on top of it. He's the nicest person I've met and very romantic and thoughtful.

Problem is I often wonder if maybe that's what most bfs do: very nice, pay for everything and stuff like designer bags and diamond jewelry. These doubts make me question if my standards are normal or not. Since I'm looking to marry someone who is nice and takes good care of me, other criteria such as looks and hobbies matter very little to me. Are these spending habits normal or have I found a good catch?

Most of my friends don't date much and I think anons can be more honest. Would love to hear your experiences.

No. 44619

wtf, you entitled bitch. Work and buy your own things.
I buy my things, my bfs buy his things. Sometimes, he buys me a present, and then, I'll buy him something.
That would be a fucking huge power imbalance if he was always buying me shit.
I'm a grown woman, if I want a handbag, I will fork out the money.

Sage for feeding what is probably a robot.

No. 44620

>plotting to marry an ex without their input
>diamonds and designer handbag meme
>using courtship spending as a basis of how compatible a marriage will be
I don't even know where to start with your post so I'm I'm going to assume you're a troll, or at the least you're just from some very different cultural background that based itself on Yumi King videos.

No. 44621


Doesn't sound like you're taking the dude's feelings into consideration. It doesn't even sound like you like him, why would you want to spend the rest of your life in a one sided relationship? What happens when you get tired of the situtation? Divorcing him isn't going go be pretty, and it will break his heart when you come out saying you never loved him.

Why not find someone who you share mutual feelings with who is willing to shower you with gifts. Leave that poor guy alone, he doesn't deserve your dumbass.

No. 44622

Your standards are old as shit, you were probably raised in a conservative household or your mother is a scumbag that doesn't work and set the standard for you, either way, that's not how world works nowadays, if you want your relationship to be functional, you don't want to expect gifts just to sit your ass in a date and be pretty, unless you are going for a trophy wife route, then you are better off being as vapid and decorative as possible.

No. 44623

I honestly think this is a male troll but I'm going to answer seriously anyway.

My boyfriend and I have always paid for our own things from the very beginning of our relationship. It was really important for me for us to be on the same level and anyway, I felt rude accepting his offers to pay when I had my own money.

Years have gone by and he's now got a good job (I'm still in college) and he'll pay for my dinner or a drink the odd time and I appreciate it so much more thanks to not expecting anything from him in the beginning and I think it took a lot of pressure off him too. It makes me feel so cared for when he does it though.

There have been times where he was broke just before pay day and I've helped him out, just as he has helped me out. I think that's what a relationship is supposed to be about - taking care of each other.

No. 44624

I'm super paranoid and jealous from being treated like shit in past relationships. It's been almost a year since I've been with my bf and its been consistent. We talk about things and it helps. Sometimes though, it gets completely irrational and I have a hard time controlling it. There's been a bunch of times I don't address my feelings because I know they're irrational and then it builds up and I burst emotionally and bring up my feelings. I feel like I'm pushing him away. Anyone have advice? I want to not suck at this relationship.

No. 44625

I'm wondering if anyone has had experience with a large age gap in a relationship.

I've been seeing a guy for about a month now who's 12 years older than me (22 and 34) and it's produced an interesting dynamic. We've connected wonderfully and have a lot in common, however I'm still somewhat wary about the age difference as is he. I'm still college while he has a steady career, a mortgage and an ex-wife. I've had many relationships in the past however due to the age gap he seems to be looking for something more comitted. I've never had such a strong connection to someone before and he's the sweetest/most caring man I've ever met but I'm worried he may be looking for something I couldn't provide/wouldn't know about due to my age.

Part of what we have in common is that he works in the career path I'm pursuing and I could seriously see a future with him. I think I'm mostly worried about how viable a relationship is with a greater than a decade gap and how friends/family may react. Is anyone in a similar relationship right now? How did your family/friends take to it?

No. 44626

Are you gonna throw out your best days for someone who is not at the prime of his life too?

Are you gonna commit to someone who might and will die before you?

Aren't you afraid once you get older, he will get tired of you and try going for someone younger once again?

Of course he looks caring, he has experience, he knows what a woman wants to hear.

No. 44627

I think the most important thing is to talk frankly with him about what his expectations are, and to sort out your own. Does he have kids from his previous marriage? If so, how willing are you to potentially become involved with their lives? If not, does he plan on having any, and ideally, when does he see himself having them? It's important to be honest with yourself, too. Remind yourself that the initial feeling of infatuation and enthusiasm for even the best of partners… doesn't exactly fade, but settles with time. Once you get to that point, do you anticipate having regrets about having spent a big chunk of your 20s with one person? How will being with him impact your ability to take on new opportunities that come your way? Whether they be career/recreation/travel, etc.

No. 44628

>Are you gonna throw out your best days for someone who is not at the prime of his life too?
>Are you gonna commit to someone who might and will die before you?

These are pretty silly reasons, it's not like he's an old man or anything, and if she wants to be with him then she's not "throwing out her best days", that's a dumb way to look at it, she's spending them how she wants to.

Plus, statistically most men will die before her, and there's always a chance they'll die before you anyway. You don't get with someone so they can die after you and you don't have to grieve them.

The second half I agree with though, particularly if he has a history of dating people much younger than him.

No. 44629

But these are all things she should question herself anyway. What if she wants to have kids at around 30 and he's almost 50?

No. 44630

Relax girl, just go with the flow on what feels right. Talk to him on your worries and do what you think is correct, you're overthinking here.

My sister is 23 and her husband is 34, they're a sweet couple and no one in my family cared really about the age gap. He has the occasional bar evening with our dad and is invited to all family vacations/events. It's all about does he respect you and treat you like you deserve to be. My sister's husband treats her better than I've seen any man treat any woman in my life, no, he's not pussy-whipped.

No. 44631

12 years isn't a large age gap when you're 22 anon.

No. 44632

Welp I've got my first boyfriend and we've been talking for about four months now and we really like each other. We talk almost every single day!

Recently though hes been showing a super freaky side and I never knew his sex drive was so fucking high and he is really into oral which neither of us have ever tried we're both virgins. He's always going on the subject of eating me out (and in detail of how he'll do it which is so embarrassing) as well and I'm so shy about it because I'm insecure. What if he doesn't like it? He's never even seen all of me yet.

But he says he loves me and he doesn't want me to have any doubts about that.

Should I try it out? How do I prepare for this?

No. 44633

Uh, yeah it still is.

I'm sorry, am I nuts or something? I'm 23 and I'd never consider dating a 34 yo. Older men are generally predatory. Why isn't he dating someone his own age? 23 is rather young, I'd much rather be with someone that more likely sees me as a mental equal. I don't believe a 34 yo would see me, or most 23 yos as comparative adults.


How long have they been together? Sorry, your family sounds like shit, no offense. If I had a 23 yo child I'd definitely voice my concerns over a 34 year old going after her, I think most families would. 34 year old men aren't thinking about how 23 year olds are mental equals, ffs.

No. 44634

He's not going to dislike it, and oral always feels awkward for people who haven't done it before, in my experience it was at least.

Obviously shaving is important for it though, no-one likes getting hair in their mouth, but apart from that, just tell him you're nervous about it, or even wait until after you both are more comfortable with each other sexually first.

You want to be comfortable with anything sexual you're doing to be able to enjoy it, that's true for anyone, and it sounds like he'd respect that.


Why are you so upset about people in relationships with an age gap? You don't have to like it, but she does, and it's pretty stupid to claim that older men are predatory, he could just legitimately have feelings for her.

It's a decent sized age gap, but it's not like it's huge or anything, he's not a 60 year old guy with a history of dating and dumping younger girls.

No. 44635

Older men are typically predatory. It's a valid concern. Those dismissing these concerns sound like naive 17 yos claiming that 26 year old men really do like them because they're mature and intelligent despite their young age. There's a chance he could just be into her, sure, but there's typically a reason why these men aren't dating women closer to their age. And for a family to not even question a 34-23 age gap? That sounds like a careless family. I get a 35 yo woman with a 43 yo man, but 22-23 is still really young, imo.

No. 44636

>>he could just legitimately have feelings for her

Totally. But that doesn't change that it's a valid concern. Even if he's not being predatory, a lot of older guys who seek out and date younger women do so because they can't relate with people their own age. At 30, they have more in common with the average 20 year old. Usually there's a reason why they're 10 years behind and it sucks to realize after the fact that the dude you thought was so mature and cool is actually a stunted manchild. It's not an automatic deal breaker, but it is something worth asking questions about.

No. 44637

Not to be rude (though this probably comes across that way) but you sound like you are legit 15 years old. Then again, that might be because of my own personal experiences at that age, so take that with a grain of salt.
I've been in a very similar situation, but I do want to say first that if he's making some kind of sexual advance, and you are uncomfortable with it (not just shy or insecure but you know, upset about) then you should tell him. If he gets mad about it then leave his ass because that's not good for you. If you think you can overcome your insecurity enough to do it, and you are comfortable with him, not just doing it because he says, then absolutely. I also think that you two are very early in a relationship, and this is also your first (perhaps his first too, who knows) relationship, so things can be exciting/new and move too fast (again, speaking from personal experience). I suggest not just going right into sex, maybe start with some small stuff. Making out a lot, maybe he can squeeze your breasts/your butt a bit, stuff like that. It might help with you getting comfortable with him sexually. If he can't do that for you and just wants to go straight into it, like I said before, leeeave his ass. You don't have to do that stuff for long either, like maybe a few weeks, or however long it takes for you to be comfortable with him.
I suggest also taking advice from >>123696 cause they are right about the hair, it is not fun girl.

No. 44638

I made my boyfriend wait til I turned 16 when we were dating before we had sex, he was 100% respectful of my wishes and was totally patient and sweet and never complained or anything (he was actually the one who was nervous come the night of it, bless his adorable soul)if your bf doesn't have the same sort of reaction then yeah he's a dick, it's not that hard to be considerate of your partner's feelings and not make them feel bad about that. Also we did do other things too, I wasn't really planning on it happening but I got so into the moment and he was really gentle and affectionate so basically I just had to do sexual things to him, he earned it. we broke up though :( sadness

No. 44639

oops I meant to send that to this person. Yeah we waited like half a year just because I thought "losing your virginity at 15 WOAH" which looking back, is not crazy at all. I mean if you're actually ok with it and you want to check it out and you think he could be "the one" (as in, the one you wanna bang) I'd say go for it! what's there to lose? Besides virginities

No. 44640

I don't think that it's fair to assume the guy is predatory entirely off his age, you don't know the guy at all, and it sounds like you're upset from your own personal experiences more than anything. That might not be true, but it's how it comes across.

And going off at someone who's almost in their mid 20's for making their own relationship choices while they're in your family is pretty dumb. They're not kids anymore, you can't tell them not to date them, all that trying to push them not to and being negative about the whole thing will do is push you away from them.


This is fair tnough, it's worth asking why he's with you instead of someone his own age.

If there's a good reason for it, or you full well get he's kind of immature for his age, then it's fine, but it's worth thinking about.

No. 44641

My sister and her husband have been 2 years together, they got married a few weeks ago. Getting married "quick" is normal in my culture. (Not American)

Let me explain a bit though, my mum and dad have an 13 year age gap and have been married for about 26 years. So they don't care because it's normalized. Their parents were a bit cautious about it and that's why they're accepting, my dad got so much shit for being a "predator" from random people.
It's not a predatory thing always, my dad had always had girlfriends in his own agegroup but just happened to meet my mum and fall for her. Same thing with my sister and her husband.

While I'm sure there are legit creeps as I've met a few too, it doesn't mean all of them are. I agree, she should be cautious, but I'd say that about all relationships.

As for the mental equal thing, that's hard to say. They're in different places in they're life but they have the exact same sense of humor and goals in life. I think they're a good match and so do they, isn't that all which matters?

No. 44642

I used words like "typically" and "generally", repeatedly, for a reason. I didn't say he's for sure a predator. It's worth acknowledging that many older men seeking out younger women ARE predatory, which is what I said. You guys were dismissing the gap because she's no longer 16. I didn't "go off" on anyone. I pointed out that most cautious families would have good reason to ask questions and that not asking questions shouldn't be normalized because most families would be concerned, and because it is something worth questioning. As far as "personal experiences" go, I've never been with an older man. I have, however, seen how it has affected young women around me that were convinced that they were with intelligent, mature, men when later on down the road they revealed themselves to be shallow manchildren with an agenda and an inability to impress those within their age bracket. More often than not, they seem to consider younger women to be disposable, as well. There are also notable power dynamics at play that people seem to disregard because older m/young f relationships are so normalized. I didn't say she shouldn't date him. I said it's still a significant age gap and we shouldn't dismiss the gap just because she's not 16.

No. 44643

My boyfriend and I are long-distance (as in, I live across the Atlantic ocean from him). He's moving from his already sizable city to London. I'm extremely worried. I think I'm scared he'll 1) lose interest in me and 2) forget to make time with me. Part of the problem is that I'm extremely terrified of being lonely and without him (prior to our relationship, that was basically the dynamic but it's too complicated to explain). I can feel myself building walls between us right now to prepare myself for when he can't talk as much.

It's selfish and ridiculous of me to feel this way, I know, and I'm incredibly supportive of him moving; he also knows I'm worried. He constantly tells me he loves me, I'm the most important thing in the world to him, even that he wants me to live with him. We communicate really well. But I can't shake the feeling that once he's in London, our relationship will change. I even applied for jobs and night shifts because I'd rather be doing something than be missing him.

Please, can someone give me advice or if you've had a similar experience, explain how you got through it?


Holy shit me and you have crazy similar situations wtf

No. 44644

I've started dating someone significantly shorter than me (I'm 5'7, they're 5'3). Everyone I've dated has been my height or taller, and while I don't mind the difference (he's also super secure about it which to me is sexy af) I've noticed some people around us are weird about it. A group of people (strangers) commented on our height difference in passing to themselves (loud enough for us to hear) as we were waiting at a restaurant. I just rolled my eyes and ignored them, but I'm just kind of shocked that people were vocal about it. I don't mind the stares, in fact I kind of like it, just kind of wtfed out that people were concerned enough about it to comment on it publicly.

Anyways, anyone have experience dating dudes shorter than you? Would love to hear your stories. Also did he dominate you in bed? I'm the submissive type, but I'm a little concerned there might be some issues there.

No. 44645

My bf is a 12 hour flight away from me and he just left his city to live somewhere much more beautiful. I was worried that he'd have too much fun there and forget about me, but that wasn't the case at all. It was difficult when he was first settling in because he didn't have much time to skype me but now things are the same as they were before. It sounds like you have nothing to worry about, just have some patience when he's settling into his new place and things should resume as normal.

No. 44646

>who's 12 years older than me (22 and 34)
>I'm still college while he has a steady career, a mortgage and an ex-wife.
>Part of what we have in common is that he works in the career path I'm pursuing and I could seriously see a future with him.
Shoe, what are you doing here?

No. 44647

Not sure if I should post this in this thread since the relationship is already over, but anyway… I really need to hear somebody's opinion.

I moved to another country last year at age 22. I met a guy 20 years older than me when I was there. I knew he was attracted to me when we began talking, but I wasn't attracted to him anyway. He was much older than me and said he had a daughter almost my age, so I thought I'd never feel anything for him. He said he was divorced.

Well, we had a lot in common. We both paint, create art, like the same authors and books, etc. Our personalities also matched. So in the course of three months we became very close and I started a relationship with him. Until then I didn't think anything weird was going on. He was a very private person, that was all.

Well, long story, short story… our relationship kept going for months until I found out the cunt was married when he let me use his laptop and forgot he had left his facebook open (I'm not on FB and he said he didn't have an account either).

I kept blaming myself because obviously I could see signs everywhere, but I was so blind and needy in a distant place that I couldn't realize they were there. I texted to let him know I knew about his secret and left. After that he basically disappeared. I don't have facebook, twitter, etc so he just blocked my number.
He stopped attending the place where we met. I decided I didn't want to say anything back then and just let it go.

I'm in another country now but still think about him often. Not because I want to come back with him, but because I obssess over the thought of letting his wife know what he was doing. He has a popular art blog (which I designed for him) and I read it sometimes just to start thinking about stupid plans to tell her he is a fucking cheater. Reading his blog after all this time I can see I was basically fuel to his fetishes: I was younger, a virgin, and thought I was only into women until I met him.

I just want someone to tell me I have to let this shit go. Or if any of you ever ended up in a relationship with a guy like this, what did you do to heal/cope/etc? Anything is welcome.

Sorry for the long post, btw.

No. 44648

Honestly, anon? Let his wife know. Every woman deserves to know if her husband is a lying deceitful pos.

No. 44649

I don't know how. I asked a friend to find him on facebook (since I don't have an account) and she said she couldn't find anything. I suspect he deleted it. Unfortunately I don't remember his wife's name, probably because I was so shocked when I found out he was married that my brain forgot her name in the same second. All I can remember is that it starts with V.
He blocked my phone number and ignores my emails. The only way I could ever contact her would be through his blog (the comment section), but he blocked me there too. I thought about making a second account but all comments from new users go straight to moderation, so he'd just delete my messages.
I don't know how to track her.

No. 44650

What country was this?

No. 44651


No. 44652

File: 1480593896034.png (318.65 KB, 600x757, eab.png)

please help. how do you politely turn someone down for good? I'm >>123629 and he IS coming on to me. When I had written this he had subtly asked me if I wanted to go out with him, and since it took me by surprise and I had to respond quick because we were chatting live, I said "i'll consider it". I know, huge fucking mistake, i'm so stupid. Well today he asked me very directly. He's a very good friend and I love talking to him, so I don't want to make things awkward or mean. But under no circumstances am I going anywhere with him. I don't want to come up with a temporary excuse like "oh I have a cold, sorry" because obviously he'll just wait and ask again. But I also don't want to say something as dry as "no i'm not interested". he wants to go out this saturday.

i would tell him i'm a lesbian, but i've already told him i had an ex bf.

No. 44653

>"I think it would be for the best if we stayed just friends"
Unfortunately, you can't dictate his reaction. No matter how nicely you let him down, he might take it badly anyway or the awkwardness will linger. He will probably still have lingering feelings for you for a while.

No. 44654

thanks anon, good advice

No. 44655

>He's a very good friend and I love talking to him, so I don't want to make things awkward.

There's a pretty good chance that he's not gonna want to be friends with you anymore. If he likes you it's not like rejection is just gonna make those feelings disappear instantly so you should probably go into this expecting that relationship to end.

Just reject him clearly and let the chips fall however they will. The chances of someone with a wounded heart holding that burden perfectly enough to go back to normal friendship is pretty much zero–guy or girl.

No. 44656



No. 44657

Maybe I'm crazy but your tone is heavily laying on the built.
OP needs to be honest that she's only interested in friendship to be fair to him, but if he's not up for that then it's not her fault if it turns out he never saw her as anything other than a potential girlfriend.

No. 44658

You are crazy. It is pretty optimistic for >>123714 to expect something that easy where she keeps her buddy and it's not gonba awkward. She considered lying about her orientation because she's looking for an painless solution to the problem. And as the post states, she's no good at finessing her way around the problem, otherwise she wouldn't be in this situation to begin with.

Trying to keep her friend and get him off her back at the same time is way too advanced a technique for her. So she should just focus only on rejecting him clearly unless she wants to deal with a thirsty friend from now on

No. 44659

you're both right honestly. it could happen or it won't, if it does then like anon said, it's not my fault if those were his only intentions. he's very, very nice, so I don't think he would turn 180. Either way this has already happened to me before, which is why I made my first post asking if it was even possible to be close friends with a guy without this creeping on you eventually. The first guy was easier to turn down because i didn't care that much if i had to stop talking to him. he was overly friendly to me at first and when I turned him down, first didn't take no for an answer and kept trying to convince me, and second got angry and eventually deleted me from his friends.

i'll just give a casual, direct 'no thank you' and see.

No. 44660

I'm not looking for advice so much as an opinion. How weird is it for a girl to propose? I almost never hear about it. If you want to get married, should you always wait for the guy to propose?

No. 44661

i don't see anything wrong with it. if i were in a situation where that would cross my mind, i would do it.

No. 44662

Thank you so much. The part about letting him settle in is really helpful because it helped me understand he's gonna need some time.

Sometimes our conversations just seem to be really sad though. I dunno. Just like this tense distance. I think it's cos we only talk at night usually (we text through out the day) and he takes sleep pills during the week so he can get better sleep but even during the weekends it's like that. I dunno. I'm kinda jaded and just sad and teary over the whole thing.

I love him and I hope it works out.

No. 44663

File: 1480676175989.jpg (146.15 KB, 1152x2048, 1444366761977.jpg)

>I love him and I just want to be perfect for him.
>I just want to be perfect for me.

No. 44664

You need a therapist

No. 44665

File: 1480678472322.jpg (47.97 KB, 640x479, 1347956487610.jpg)

It's only weird if you make it weird.

Also, would you want to wait for him to propose?

No. 44666

my mom said my boyfriend is starting to look like he's controlling. I don't know if I believe her because she projects a lot and over exaggerates everything, but I'm retarded so now I'm over-analysing.

She said he's controlling because he
1. bought me two pairs of nice tracksuit bottoms because we both thought it'd be cute and fun to have matching ones.
(she said he's trying to control what I wear, we shouldn't be matching because we aren't twins etc etc..)

2. I forgot to lock the door to my house once because I was cooking. She was asking why and I didn't respond, she kept asking and he said it was because he just came in before her.
(that's controlling because he's speaking for me)

and 3. I left my phone in his car to go to get mail and he answered because she called and he thought it was important.
(controlling because a cellphone is an extremely private thing I guess).

I told him not to answer my phone for me again because that one rubbed me the wrong way, but now I guess she's convinced I'm going to lose my "personality" or something. I literally am to depressed to have one

does she have a valid point or can I chalk this up to her watching too much dateline or law and order?

No. 44667

File: 1480684945850.jpg (110.54 KB, 350x371, 1360300575299.jpg)

1 cute
2 he tries to shift the blame to himself because he knows your mom is protective
3 its exactly like he said, he thought it was important

from my perspective it seems like your mom is very protective and seeing things that ain't there

No. 44668


Yeah, that's how I feel too. I'm actually kind of upset I'm thinking like this because I don't want to be paranoid about something like this.. I don't feel controlled by him, buy she gets in my head even when I know she's seeing things that aren't there.

No. 44669

What the hell, no he isn't controlling because of that. Your mom is just overprotective, heck I'd call her more controlling than him.

No. 44670

She literally sounds like a feminazi

No. 44671

Yeah… it's kinda much. But to be fair, almost all of her relationships ended badly one way or the other so I guess she's looking out for me, in an extremely overbearing way.

No. 44672

File: 1480719239156.gif (2 MB, 376x411, 1434752728206.gif)

I met J in the summer with her friends C&L at my sisters uni. We had a really nice time together and after they went home to Spain I kept contact with her. (nothing really happened though, I really enjoyed her company)

Fast forward to last weekend, I went to visit her. She did make the effort to come and see me, hang out with me. But I felt she was really distant, which confused me. We had so much fun during summer.

I did have fun with her friends C&L. Didn't feel awkward with them at all.

How do I ask her what's wrong without coming over as desperate/pushy/creepy?

No. 44673

File: 1480725146235.jpg (14.45 KB, 250x250, 1406200259846.jpg)

oh and before I visited, we talked every day on whatsap. Haven't recieved or send a message to her since I got back.

I just want things to go to normal again.

No. 44674

Are you a man?

No. 44675

You got bro-zoned lmao

No. 44676

My boyfriend's ex and him had a pretty bad falling out/break up, and on the day they had a deep conversation and said they'd never get back together, he asked me out. However, months later, he still talks to her. He found out she cheated on him while in the relationship (confronted her about it, was extremely harsh), and a few weeks ago he messaged her on facebook to explain why he acted "a certain way" while they were dating. I guess he was sort of a dick or something for personal reasons. She completely blew him off about it.

Anyway, this bothers me. He told me he didn't want to cut her out completely not because he supposedly doesn't love her but because he invested a lot of time and emotion in her. He says he doesn't want to have a friend relationship with her and etc. But to be honest, I don't really buy it? I mean, if your ex cheated on you, if they wouldn't listen when you tried to be honest about stuff, the only reason you would keep them around is because you still care, right? I dunno. It makes me feel really bad and I'm pretty sure he knows it and I need some insight because I've never dated anyone before.

No. 44677

How do you stop yourself from becoming a relationship bore? I've just started seeing a guy from work and I'm already completely and utterly smitten, he makes me ridiculously happy and I've never really felt like this about anyone so quickly before. My concern though is that I can hear myself talking about him a lot, his name just keeps cropping up in conversations with my friends/family and I feel really bad about it? It's a total accident but it's still so irritating when I realise I'm doing it.
I don't want to be the girl who only talks about her boyfriend because my friends have done that to me before and it's annoying AF.

No. 44678

>on the day they had a deep conversation and said they'd never get back together, he asked me out
That's not a good look, to say the least.

Though I will say it doesn't sound like he's trying to get with her, to me it seems like he's carrying guilt about being shitty to her during their relationship and wants to absolve himself of it.

How often are they talking, daily? It sounds like the ex wants nothing to do with him. If this is really concerning you, you should probably talk to him, anon.

No. 44679

Sounds like he desperately wants his ex back and is just using you for a self esteem boost. I'd dump him or tell him he needs to cut his ex out of his life (but I doubt that will work since he's already been speaking to her behind your back). Just dump him. It'll suck but what sucks more is being used.

No. 44680

So I got into a relationship with this guy and I thought he was really chill and respectable at first but he's extremely insufferable and just a downright embarrassment. This is my first "boyfriend" ever(he makes me cringe so much I don't even think I can call him that) so I don't know what I'm doing.

>seems really nice but ends up constantly talking about religion, politics, and guns. All. The. Time

>that's all he's really interested in.
>can't have a conversation with him that lasts more than two or three minutes unless it's about his main interests
>has no job and seems like he doesn't even want to try college
>I have no interest in having sex with him and do not even want to
>have come to realize he's not someone I would show my family to. They don't know he even exists.
>he gives 0 fucks about my interests and really only wants to do what he wants. Has stopped being as nice when he learned I didn't really care for talking about guns and politics all the time
>I just want to focus on college and family at this point
>he thinks i'm no fun i don't say edgy and disrespectful things to members of my community just because he doesn't like them or I joke about something they said. Makes me feel like a stiff ass bitch
>he makes me never want to date again

I know I should break up with him but I don't know how. I certainly don't need all this shit. How do I do it?

No. 44681

Just tell him you don't think you're going to work out. I mean, if he doesn't want to talk about anything but religion, politics and guns, that should be obvious.

It's going to suck, I was really scared when I broke up with my first boyfriend too anon, it's just something you gotta get over with. Just tell him you want to discuss your relationship or something to open the conversation up to lead to the break up.

No. 44682

Me and a girl hooked up and I asked her to come home with me which she said no to but not unkindly and she explained not because of disinterest.

I get the impression that she would like things to evolve organically and so just us texting for the sake of it, doing our best to keep up a back and forth msg thread seems almost juvenile you know.

But I was actually pretty drunk when I asked her to come home and I'm not sure exactly how I phrased it and I can't remember how it all played out. I kinda wanna text her to apologise for being so forward and to gauge how I should act on Monday when I see her in our lecture but idk if it would make me seem beta or whatever…

No. 44683


How often do you get to be smitten? Just enjoy it m8

No. 44684

How bad is it to think about another guy during sex with your boyfriend? Have you ever done it?

No. 44685

They don't talk daily. From what he's told me, he's only spoken to her twice in the 5 months: once to confront her about cheating on him while in the relationship and the second time was to "absolve himself" as you put it. I have spoken to him about it and he told me recently because he put so much emotion and time into her, he doesn't want to totally cut her out but at the same time doesn't want to be friends or have friendly banter or anything like that.

But I fucking hate it. I seriously hate it. He tells me how he wants to be with me forever, that he wants me to live with him, that he's proud of me, afraid of losing me, gets jealous, etc - but then he's still attached to his ex? Because in my opinion, if you're still talking to someone who obviously doesn't give a shit about you, you still care/have some attachment. Not to mention she came around at a time when he was really low and suicidal. So I just..idk.

Also, yea I know, that was a warning sign for me in the beginning. I think I'm gonna talk to him about it soon. I'm going to visit him soon and I'm telling him that I'm not doing it anymore if he continues to talk to her. I typically play the shoulder to cry on, mainly because I care, but it makes me feel cucked and I'm sick of it tbh.


Nah I don't think so. I think he's still attached to her/cares for her but for some reason refuses to cut her out completely…which is worrying to me. Unless things get really bad, I'm not breaking up with him.

No. 44686


Eh who cares, your mind is your own domain whatever exists there is totally up to you whose to say what you're allowed to think about?

Having said that I wonder how does it occur for you? Is it complementary to your sex? Sex is fairly engaging, to be fantasising and having sex at the same time can't be easy. I tried it once purely because you hear it all the time "I thought about x during sex for y reason" I mean I don't know I was just interested in it and it was kinda fun I suppose, maybe a little taboo but too much energy, too distracting. For me anyway.

Do you like doing it? Do you do it regularly?

No. 44687

This really isn't a normal response to have to your ex (especially one who cheated on you), unless you aren't over it/still have feelings. It's been months and he's still hung up on talking to her?

Your bf is emotionally cheating on you with his ex, and his ex doesn't even want anything to do with it lol.

No. 44688

Pretty bad imo. Why are you imagining another guy? Make sure you don't accidentally call the other guy's name out.

No. 44689

This probably seems really stupid and trivial but I am so stressed out by the situation and Ill try to keep the explanation short;

My company sent some people over from another site to train us on new equipment. One of the guys that came was really nice and we ended up going out and we had sex. Just before he left I found out Hes MARRIED. I wasn't too happy about that obviously but kept talking to him after he left for a few weeks just because he was really nice to me and was hardly flirtatious.

Later though after he left they sent new people and I hooked up with one of them. I thought it was just a one night stand kinda thing but then weeks later he texts me out of the blue and long story short we are now in love and he visits me regularly, and we are thinking of getting a place together.

Turns out thought since these guys are from the same center they know each other and are casual friends, Im really paranoid that they'll figure out I screwed both of them and the guy Im with now will think Im a slut. Guy #1 tried messaging me and I told him i cant really talk to him now that I had a boyfriend and deleted the messaging app but today he sent me a friend request on fb. Im afraid though if I just flat out ignore him he will get pissed and tell my boyfriend the shit we did and maybe even worse things. I will probably just ignore it but any idea what to do about this or should I just stop caring?

No. 44690

you do kinda sound like a slut but you weren't with guy 2 when you had sex with guy 1 so i'd say stop caring so much. how much time between guy 1 and 2?

No. 44691


A couple weeks, but I wasn't in a relationship with guy 1 at all really seeing as how I found out he was married. I was on the rebound hardcore so thats why I was slutting it up but I still feel bad about it.

No. 44692

If you guys are really in love and ready to move in together, then surely you already know if he shares the same ideals as you. If I thought a guy would call me a 'slut' just for having casual sex with someone else before I knew him, then he wouldn't be worth my time. It's not even your duty to bring it up but maybe if you're worrying about it then you should just tell him, if he makes a deal out of it other just being a little jealous then he's an ass anyway.
If the other guy leaks it then it just looks bad on him, either by making him look jealous or just the tiny fact he is married jfc


Nothing beta about just being a nice person, if you think you might have acted too drunkenly then send her a apology for moving too fast, but only apologize for the pacing and not the intention or else she might think you regret making a move. Also if you stop texting her altogether it might just look like you're salty at getting no sex.

No. 44693

Don't accept his friend request but I wouldn't worry. I mean in order to talk shit about you, he'd have to also openly admit he had cheated on his wife.

If yourself and your boyfriend are serious, that's all that matters. He shouldn't be listening to bitter, jealous assholes if he loves you. Also if there were weeks between the two then I don't see how it's slutty.

No. 44694

I don't understand what you mean 'think'. You are by definition, a slut. A slut is defined as a woman who has casual sex with many different guys. If you're so scared of guy #2 finding out about your sexual history then I think this relationship wont work as you're obviously keeping secrets. Maybe he wont care, but when you act like a slut and are afraid of being called out on it idk what you expect to happen.

No. 44695

I kind of agree. Like, you had sex with those guys of your own volition, which is kind of slutty. There's not necessarily a reason to feel bad about this, but the fact that you're feeling like you need to keep your sexual history hidden from him says it probably is an issue, because you're already showing some trust issues.

If the guy doesn't bother you, then there's no reason to bring it up or let it be an issue, but I'd definitely think about if this is something that's showing up other places too, if you feel like you have to hide things from him overall.

No. 44696

It seems so obvious in hindsight but the one piece of advice I have from my terrible dating life is: if you are still in high school and he is dating you because you are "so mature" for your age he is lying, he is dating you because he is a fucking creep.

Dated a 24 year old when I was 16 thought he was amazing and thought he appreciated how mature I was. Now that I'm 24 I realise that working in a supermarket at 24 didn't mean he was an adult with his life together and he just liked highschool girls because they were easy to impress

I lost 6 months and my virginity to a duuuuuude named Scott all because he could afford his own car and take me to McDonald's after school FML

No. 44697

I feel like a horrible person even writing this but it'd be nice to get it off my chest.
I have a boyfriend who I love so much, been together 6 years, never had thoughts about any other guy BUT…then a guy starting becoming a regular customer where I work..he comes in every single day.
He's so cute, he's like 35 too but I've always liked older guys. He's married with two babies and usually when I learn a guy is taken I go right off them but my crush is seriously so strong!
I always catch him staring at me and when our eyes meet he gives me the biggest smile. He's really funny and easy to talk to as well.
I actually wish he would stop coming in so I wouldn't have to see him.
obviously I would never cheat on my boyfriend and I feel so guilty all the time over this silly crush.

No. 44698

You sound like the exact type of person to cheat.
>obviously I would never cheat on my boyfriend and I feel so guilty all the time over this silly crush.
You're not just telling us this 'just because'. You're telling us because you're having serious thoughts. I feel bad for your boyfriend when you cheat on him in 1-2 years and he wonders what he did wrong.

No. 44699

You are like my boyfriend who has is 'none romantically but sexually attracted to' my best friend and our flat mate. It is fucking shattering and painful. Plz try to stop this crush or it will impact heavily on your current relationship.

No. 44700

I honestly think there's a big difference between a crush and thinking someone's attractive.

Thinking someone's attractive is nothing, it happens to everyone sometimes, relationship or not, you can't help it really, but when you start getting a crush, I agree, it's an issue, and you can control that to some degree.

Also, curious, why did you boyfriend even tell you he was attracted to them? That seems like a huge dick move.

No. 44702

Perhaps, and I'm in no way certain, you find yourself appreciating the kind of man he is? Good father/nice conversations? Maybe you want that in your boyfriend? If you've been together 6 years and aren't engaged to get married, it could be that you're subconsciously inpatient with the relationship and should talk to him about where things are going.

No. 44703

I need some help making a decision …

It's been a while since I last had a boyfriend and I can't manage to find a new one. I tried my hand at online dating but so far no luck, and the only interesting guys I meet at parties are the kind to disappear after a night.

I'm starting to get really annoyed by the lack of sex but I'm not down for one-night stands either.

So basically one of my friend's brother is starting to flirt with me, I'm not entirely feeling him (huge otaku, excessive use of :3, XD and the likes) but he has some redeeming qualities.
Should I go with it because holy fuck I need to fuck someone, or should I pass the opportunity as I usually try to not date people from my group of friends ?

No. 44704

We've talked about marriage and he usually says he might marry me..he says it in a way like he's not sure…I do want to get married some day though. we both never want to have kids.

you might be right in some ways though, the guy seems to actually have an interest in me whereas my boyfriend is glued to his computer constantly and I'm lucky if I get a kiss now and then.

I still love my boyfriend though despite everything

No. 44705

Don't do it fam. It's only worth it if you actually like the brother but if he's immature things might get messy. If you want an easy lay you can just put 'dtf' on your tinder profile but if you sleep with your friend's brother then that might set your friendship up with all sorts of baggage forever.


I'm the anon that believes that crushes are harmless, but if you're not getting a satisfying relationship then maybe it's time to move on. No point in staying with someone solely because you've been together for a long time if the relationship has turned into a flatmate arragnement.

No. 44706

Thanks for the advice but the thing is I'd rather avoid guys who are only dtf. Ultimately I want a real relationship but I could settle for a light one ? Idk. I just want someone I can fuck on the reg cause I already did one or two hook-up and it wasn't satisfying and the sex was meh.

The good thing is that we don't have a lot of mutual friends, I just don't want people to know. But I guess if I were a man I'd be an absolute asshole to consider dating someone just to get laid.

No. 44707

If you're going into a relationship purely for the sex and you don't tell him that that's what you're after, then you're no better than than the average fuccboi. Tell him you want a fwb arrangement up front, don't break his otaku kokoro by leading him one.

No. 44708

I'm >>123742 and I just broke up with the bf. I dreaded doing it but once I did I didn't really feel any regret or anything. It's actually like a huge weight lifted off my chest and I can relax again.

I don't think I'll date again for awhile though. I just want to focus on school and myself for now. He's kind of ruined dating for me anyway. I deleted all his contact info because I don't want to deal with whatever drama he will try to create(he will too if it can make someone look bad). I was just straightforward about it since I didn't see a point in sugarcoating everything so I was honest.

No. 44709

Don't look for something casual with him unless you want to tell him up front. Weeby immature guys can be incredibly obsessive and clingy. Good luck with the aftermath if you do go through with it, though.

No. 44710

I've been fucking the guy I lost it to about 2 months ago. Every weekend or 2 he'll hit me up at a weird time when at least one of us is drunk, walk for half an hour to get to me, smoke, talk, make out, have not very successful sex (he's never come - I'm not broken, have had successful penetrative sex with not-him, I think it's a combination of him being quite big, afraid of hurting me, and not able to come from head), make out, talk, smoke, sleep/cuddle in my single-bed until noon the next day, then go home and not contact me until next time.

We met outside a club, was instantly attracted/endeared to him. He's pretty and silly and we have niche interests in common, both decently impulsive and open (read: dysfunctional), both with poor self-esteem but find one another really hot. I don't know why he keeps doing this. Either: a) he's desperate and lazy and he knows I'm up for it so is willing to make another attempt (seems unlikely, pretty sure he wouldn't have much trouble hooking up with someone both more convenient and fuckable), or b) he wants to be with me, but only in this particular weird context (seems unlikely, why? Pretty sure it's obvious to him that I'd love to be around him more. What's so scary about talking, smoking and making out in the day, or somewhere else? I'm also pretty certain he's not cheating on anyone.)

We're away for vacations now. If he does it again next term I guess I'll ask him, but it's quite scary. I really don't want him to go away. I don't care that we're not exclusive or anything of great significance, and he's not my only option either. I just like him.

No. 44711

This sounds like that to show "Awkward" lol I'd say see a counselor and get some self-esteem before you end up knocked up or with a permanent sti

No. 44712

I'm out of high school, in therapy, and use contraception, but thanks a fucking ton hon.

No. 44713

What's your issue then? You're both having consensual casual sex, and neither of you are interested in more.

You're insecure and don't get why he wants you? Probably because he enjoys having sex with you, or he isn't comfortable hooking up with heaps of people, so going to someone he knows is available is easiest.

Also he can't come because he's jerking off too much too hard and is desensitised.

No. 44714

I've been dating my bf for like 7 months now and it's been great…buuuut I love to fuck the good things up so yesterday it was his birthday and we hung up all day, have lunch and all that but at night his father called him to go get some dinner with the rest of the family so we rushed back to his home only to find out that his mother was the only one there, she said she was going to cook some dinner, then like 3 hours later the rest of his family except for his older sister were there I was so fucking hungry because it was like 11 pm and we got there like at 8 and I got gastritis so i was in a really shitty mood but i tried to seem nice. Finally we got to sat down and ate dinner, it was tea with some plain pasta (i was in a bad mood and idk everything tasted so bad wtf) and i got fucking angry because they didnt pay attention to him!! like it was his fucking birthday and all the attention was for the friend of his older brother, the guy is an athlete and he traveled a lot this year but all the dinner they talked about him, they didn't even bothered to ask how my bf day had been and I got so obviously pissed when his sister arrived with her friends wtf like this day was nothing to her. Finally my bf and I talked about it in his room and he got so pissed like i get it, it was totally my fault but idk how to apologize anymore. help. i know my reactions were childish and I ruined his birthday.

No. 44715

I was on OKC looking for hookups, friends, and just plain horsing around talking to guys. at one point all my friends joined and we were liking each other's profiles and stuff. anyway, there was one guy that shared the same music taste I did, and i didn't mind messaging him, so I gave him my Snapchat since I was done with the app (so so many boring people). we tlaked more via snap and it was a constant thing everyday. he sent selfies with captions usually and that always makes me uncomfortable because i don't care for seeing people's faces when they snap me. it rubs me the wrong way, idk why for sure, but he did it constantly and it made me think he genuinely liked me? I was right because he did admit to how he deleted the app because he found someone with potential and I was curious as to who it was and he said that it was obviously me.

this guy bought me a phone case, a makeup brush set, and a baking sponge for Christmas. he tried to play it off as the Christmas spirit but c'mon. he talked about how he feels it's time for him to spoil a girl (he's fucking 22 lmao) and I'm really hoping he doesn't think this is going to be some type of relationship in the future. I mean, I made it pretty obvious that relationship related things make me super uncomfortable, borderline anxious. when he called me bae and made a joke about us dating, it took me almost 20 minutes to reply because I was having a panic attack? I could be wrong but I was sweating, trembling, hyperventilating and it felt like someone was wringing my neck.

I said that if he ever comes to the city near mine that we could go out for a night on the town, specifically to concerts cuz I've never been to one because he's cool. he said he prefers taking things super slowly cuz his past girlfriends were…crazy. his last one wanted to get married and have a kid not even 5 months into the relationship apparently. he's easy on the eyes but his selfies make him look horrible. I'm a vain person so that bugs me a lot. i know he isn't ugly but his selfies are. I saw a video of him laughing and he looked like a different person.

generally I don't feel anything for any guy. it's either they're sex material, friendship material, both, or neither. my brain sifts guys between these categories instantly and he fell in friendship. I just don't want him to expect anything even though I've stressed stance enough. boys are retarded when it comes to interpreting NO.

No. 44716

I forgot to add I was on the verge of tears. my tear ducts tingled, but they didn't spill
>stressed stance enough
should be stressed my stance enough

No. 44717

You sound really young. Like really young. If you're not interested in him romantically, but upfront and say so because this dude obviously thinks of you in that way.

You added HIM which makes the guy think there is potential and the fact he's bringing up past relationships is a sign that he's doing so, so you understand his past. The fact you offered that he should hang out also screams 'DATE' to this guy and men really really aren't good at interpreting signals from women. Like, most all of them are just…utterly dumb at it.

You have to be upfront at what you're after. He clearly has been. So yeah, either tell him you're not interested in a relationship and let the dude go or bite the bullet and consider dating him but it sounds like you don't really want to.

No. 44718

My boyfriend is from Ukraine. We started dating 2 months ago after going on a date together. He's generally nice, though sometimes he's offensive when he doesn't intend to be (isn't perfect with english) but he's not unintelligent. He's very jealous and possessive, worries about me with other guys, etc. He has both of his exes added on Instagram, Facebook, and his ex's number on his phone. I always ask him why he keeps his exes on Facebook but he always says things like, "It's not like I can help that I'm friends with them, I have them unfollowed so it's hardly like I'm friends with them in the first place, If I didn't have to be involved with them then I wouldn't because I don't like them, etc" but these girls are constantly liking his shit and are in group chats with him so it's not like they don't interact on Facebook. Also, a month after we started dating, he picked his ex up in his car and dropped her off at college.

My main concern is, last week or so, I asked him to delete his ex's number from his phone. It only seemed fair because I'm not in contact with any of my exes and I'd just prefer to not deal with the stress. He deleted her after I asked. This week, though, he asked me to put my number back in his phone because he wiped his entire phone memory. That means all of his contacts were deleted. I typed my number in and when it went back to his list of contacts, her number was back in his contacts, meaning he intentionally added her back.

I don't know what to make of this. We have a lot of other problems as well, he can be pushy with trying to get me to have sex with him when I'm not ready (I'm still a virgin, he is too), always nagging about whether or not I got my birth control, etc. I have severe OCD and I have a big problem with seminal fluids. Even if we do sexual things, no penetration, I worry that I'm pregnant and my entire month is miserable until I get my period. I was also molested as a child, don't know if that's part of it.

What do I make of this? Is it cultural differences or is he just being an asshole? Aside from these problems he's nice to me and he cares about me/my health. Am I blind or something?

No. 44719

Yeah dump him. He sounds like an ass.

No. 44720

>23 yo
>never been in a real relationship

kill me now, at least I'm not a virgin

No. 44721

The fact that he's forcing you to do it, yet he himself didn't do it without you having to say anything then saying "oh we're friends blah blah"

Yeah no. He's just sending up huge red flags. Dump.

No. 44722

I dun goofed when I was 18 by having an affair with a married guy. This has hung over my head since then and is a major reason I haven't been able to date anyone seriously, because eventually I'd have to tell him. Is there a "right" time to bring it up?

No. 44723

You don't have to tell them. Or just be vague without much detail.

No. 44724

I'm friends with my ex and no way would I remove his number from my phone, or do so if I was asked. But we are friends, nothing more. If they're only friends, it's fine - it can show he's mature enough to do that and when you one day become an ex of his, you'll understand it. There is nothing inherently toxic about being friends with an ex.

Now if he's fucking them, that's a whole different story.

No. 44725

You were basically a kid. I think if you've been in a good relationship for a while and it's stable, healthy and loving, a mature adult will be able to understand that your mistake happened years ago and you have learned from it.

No. 44726

Everyone does dumb shit at that age, if your potential partner thinks that makes you horrible they're not worth dating anyway.

You just need to get over personal hang ups.

No. 44727

I've been thinking about this for a while and thought that this thread would be the best thread to post it in. I'm not currently in a relationship and have never really been and for some reason, I can't seem to overcome that proximity when it comes to men. I have no issues with family or family friends, but I treat guys outside that out of caution. For instance, I can talk to guys on my university course but I won't try to progress that into a friendship. And sometimes I feel that I retroactively do things that prohibit that from happening. When I try to talk to guys online I often reach a point where I suddenly want to stop, and often cut contact (never out of malice though.)
I have girl friends and they're lovely, in fact I feel much calmer around girls than guys. However I do find males attractive, but mostly talk about their attractiveness by their looks and personality. At first I thought I was an amorphous blob when it comes to my sexuality and I've never really have been able to figure it out. And whenever I talk about dating, I always joke about how they could help me with my studies. Compared to the people I know, I feel like I'm lagging behind or am not putting any real effort to get interested in someone.

Sorry for long post.

No. 44728

There is a difference between taking good care of you, providing financially, and lavishing you with presents.
It is understandable in looking for a marriage partner to want financial security, but that goes hand in hand with fiscal responsibility and if you want to be stay-at-home that is definitely a conversation you need to have with someone.

No. 44729

I think being friends with exes is a sign that they're not over them.

No. 44730

Anons, how do you know when a guy friend likes you as more than a friend for sure?

I recently moved back home where my good friend of 6 years lives. He also has a girlfriend. Let me also mention that before they got together, we would cuddle a bit but have never kissed. Apparently it was nothing since he got together with said girlfriend. Ever since he got together with her, nothing weird happened between us and then I moved. I keep writing things off as nothing but I really don't know what's what because I think I'm fucked up now from guys treating me like shit and calling things "just friends". I'm not even sure what is considered wrong if he has a girlfriend.
Basically what's happened,
We hang out, just the two of us.
Girlfriend has stopped talking to me, could be nothing, not completely sure why.
One night invited me over, he drank, we played video games, watched movie, got up to leave, seemed like he wanted me to stay so talked to him more, sat back down and he kind of nuzzled my shoulder.
Wrote it off cause he had been drinking
He asks me if I want to go out for my birthday. Took me to a nice fancy bar, then a cheaper one, I beat him to paying for my drink from the first bar and then he bought my drink and food to share at the second one.
We drink, I get drunk, go back to his place, watch movie together on his bed (not touching, nothing happened).
After movie kept talking until about 3:30am, sat in dark on his bed side by side on pillows.
Had one arm over my waist over the blanket.

Do you think something is going on, or nothing at all? Is he being unfair to his girlfriend? I do nothing to provoke this, btw. I play dumb and act as I would with any other friend. I also have no fucking friends where I moved back to anymore so I don't want to stop being friends with him.

No. 44731

How old are you? You need to talk.

No. 44732

Dating feels like a chore. I enjoy being in relationships, though, because it gives me someone to nurture and dote on. It's just that I basically become a live-in therapist for every single man I date longer than a couple of months. Seriously, every single one.

Are all men in the 19-23 range insecure bitches? Or is it because I can only get men with low standards?

Are MY standards too high? Is it so much to ask that my partner doesn't constantly complain about themselves and their flaws? I will put up with a LOT of shit but all the whining and bitching and moaning gets so old. It's immature.

I've drained myself emotionally, I've spent countless hours talking and trying to instill confidence and helping them work through their issues, I've done everything in my power to try and build these guys up to have a damn spine and nothing ever changes. Exhausting. So, so exhausting.

And god damn it, I want to yell and scream and then fuck the arguments away like the animals we are, not be cried at and threatened with suicide every other Tuesday.

I don't know what I'm doing wrong.

No. 44733

>Are all men in the 19-23 range insecure bitches?
Well, yes.

No. 44735

File: 1482246089285.jpg (55.99 KB, 333x500, head-against-wall.jpg)

No. 44737


Just date older guys.

No. 44738

I feel you. For some reason I always end up with whiny bitches. At first I try to help them but at some point I can't help but find them pathetic. The worst part is that it's really hard to get rid of them because they think they need us to function.

Nah I'm currently dating a 30-year old man-child. Meanwhile I know mature 21-year olds. In the end it's the attitude not the age that matters.

No. 44739

My baby-ish looks coupled with a past of sexual abuse make dating older men very weird for me. I'm 19 and I could still pass as 13-14. I guess it's just something I have to get used to.

The most pitiful part for me is that I've had a strong preference for women all my life but I don't know where I'm going to find young queer women that want long term relationships in my relatively small, religious, southern town.

Man, I dated this kid for ~6 months, dumped him in September, and he still sends me super emotional messages begging me to take him back. That behavior is so pathetic and SO childish but it breaks my heart that I broke peoples' hearts.

They are like lost puppies without a loving family so you bring them home and then they chew on all your shit and jizz on your nice bedsheets.

No. 44740

My ex is obsessive and it's really starting to feel excessive and creep me out. Ever since I broke up with him he begged for me back until I removed him from everything. After that he begun styling his hair like my own and trying to imitate my look, posting about things that I like but I know he never had/doesn't have any interest in, basically just trying to be exactly like me. I'm not sure if he's trying to attract me back by feigning common interests or to replace me with himself but it's really creepy. What would you do in this situation? I have no contact with him and I would prefer not to get involved again but I hear about it from our mutual friends. I would just leave him to it but if he keeps this up for much longer (it's been about 8 months since we broke up) then I don't know how I'll feel.

No. 44741

Styling his hair like yours?

No. 44742

Do I know you irl? My formerly closest friend has been dating a 30 year old manchild who has tantrums and can't drive himself five minutes to Target for over a year now. I can't wait until she dump his ass but idk if it's going to happen at this point.

No. 44743

reading this it seems like you're mutually stalking just a little bit too?

It'd be best for your state of mind to not check any of his social media and detach.

No. 44744

A friend from high school who I haven't spoken to in about six months just messaged me and I haven't read it yet but I'm afraid she's going to want to hang out or say something like "why don't we talk anymore :(" and I don't know what to say. I feel pretty bitter towards her because she was an awful person in high school (mean, emotionally abusive to her boyfriend) and she emotionally cheated on and lied to her boyfriend (who I am still friends with). And aside from that, we don't have anything in common anymore. I'm just not interested in being her friend anymore. We live in different cities but attend the same university and the few times I've seen her on campus I've crossed the street to avoid her. I just don't know what to do.

No. 44745

just because you knew her once doesnt mean you have to keep in contact later in life. the great thing about getting older and moving on with life is that people come and go. if you dont like her, then dont talk with her. and if she keeps on pestering you because you dont want to talk, just tell them straight up that you dont connect. you can find more friends that you are comfortable with after high school.

No. 44746

Thanks for the reply anon. I finally looked at the message and it was basically her just lightheartedly saying "sorry I've been such a bad friend, here's a picture of my hamster as an apology", presumably referring to the fact that we haven't spoken in months. I really do just want us both to move on like you said. I'm gonna have to play it by ear I guess.

No. 44747

File: 1482394602956.jpg (31.87 KB, 900x506, panromantic_flag_by_the_oceans…)

So, I never really knew what sexuality I was for most of my life (Currently 26)
I just went by what people called me, gay. However I dated everyone from cross dressers, men, women, lesbians, gay, you name it. I do PREFER men, however most men actually gross me out. What always moved me was how someone made me feel.

I'm still a virgin, though I did master foreplay to satisfy lovers. I just could never bring myself to date or have sex with someone unless they made an emotional bond with me. Someone suggested that I might not be gay, but instead panromantic.

I dunno, it's stupid I know but… I always thought it was just so tumblr? If you understand what I mean. I mean, there was one person I was willing to give myself too, but alas they are no longer with us.

I'm just finding it hard to open myself fully to someone. I tried, but eh… forcing emotions just doesn't work. I was wondering if there are any other like panromantics or other weird peeps out there?

I didn't want to make a new thread on this topic alone. So sorry

No. 44748

I don't think that's necessarily a sexuality, you just aren't comfortable with sex yet, for whatever reason.

You just sound like a bi person to me, not some special sexuality that only really exists in Tumblr rhetoric.

Not being able to open up easily isn't a seuxality.

No. 44749

> I do PREFER men, however most men actually gross me out.

You're picky and have a "type."

>What always moved me was how someone made me feel.

This is normal. For most people, how attracted they are to someone is very influenced by the person's personality.

It's also the only way for long-term relationships to survive once both partners get all saggy and gross, unless they're both into GILFs. People that think physical sexual attraction is the most important aspect of a relationship are going to have a tough time when age catches up to their SO.

>I just could never bring myself to date or have sex with someone unless they made an emotional bond with me.

Though it's much more socially acceptable nowadays to sleep around, personality still plays a huge part. Few people will willingly fuck someone they hate unless they're getting something like money out of it.

And as for not wanting to date someone unless you have an emotional bond with them, that's because you, at least on a subconscious level, understand that romantic partners aren't the same as exclusive fuckbuddies, which is something some people never quite figure out, and then they wonder why their relationships always crash and burn as soon as the other person gains 5 pounds or gets an ugly haircut.

>I'm just finding it hard to open myself fully to someone. I tried, but eh… forcing emotions just doesn't work.

So you're not comfortable with sex. There are a million possible reasons for this, ranging from religiously or socially enforced guilt, to trust issues, to a low sex drive, to just naturally being kind of averse to physical intimacy. Fake tumblr sexualities aren't one of them.

tl;dr You're a non-slutty bisexual. Stop overthinking it.

No. 44750

I've met my boyfriend online (inb4 online relationships are not real, i know i know) and i'm very in love with him. He's the only person I can talk to without getting bored, the only person that can make me feel something, etc etc

Anyway, I've lied to him about my age and studies as I was underage at the time. I also live in a conservative household and a culture that's very opposed to his (our countries are basically at war). I want it to work more than anything but those two obstacles make it seem impossible to me. Is there anything I can do to change that? I don't think there's anyone else I'd want to spend my life with

No. 44751

>If your partner thinks that you having an affair with a married man is deplorable behavior then he's beneath you and not worth your time
Hmm, really made me think…

No. 44752

Anon was a teenager and feels sorry for messing up. That's like saying that people who stole candy from the checkout aisle once when they're 12 are bank robbers or embezzle money or something.

No. 44753

I mean, I don't necessarily agree it reflects on them now, but lets not act like they were kids, they were adults when they did it.

And it's not like saying that, it's like saying that people who knowingly are part of any adultery are shitty people, which they are.

She might not be anymore, but it's absolutely something worth being bothered about, and it doesn't make someone a bad person for being bothered by it. It's stupid to say that anyone who gets a bit concerned about that isn't worth dating.

No. 44754

What the anon was trying to say was that if it bothers someone, he's not worth dating for the OP, not everyone else. Also, 18 is legally an adult but holy shit no you are not mature enough to be making certain decisions. Most 18 year olds are just kids.

Sorry if I sound like my jimmies are rustled. Irl I'm the go-to person for everyone's confessions. They're mostly good people with skeletons in the closet and so I don't judge.

No. 44755

18 is not a kid, at that age you're absolutely capable of knowing right from wrong. You might still be immature, but immaturity isn't really an excuse for making bad decisions, a 40 year old could be immature.

And it comes down to what she did being an incredibly shitty thing. Personally, I wouldn't date someone who I'd known had cheated, ever, because it is inexcusable to me, regardless of what justification you come up with. I think any of her partners absolutely have a right to know and make decisions off that, a history of cheating is a huge dealbreaker for lots of people.

No. 44756

if youre so fond of him, you should be more open and honest. better sooner than later. youre still young and i am one to believe that before settling, people should spend some time understanding themselves and the world more. im not trying to discourage you from chatting with him, but make sure you aren't just blinded by youth.

i once had a thing for a guy i met in an mmo over 10 years ago and we talked every night and some nights about 10 hours. i was IN LOVE with him and wanted to be with him forever. but we eventually lost contact, i was going through some shit, fast forward to now and he's been with his girlfriend for about 7 years and i have been with my partner for about 8. and a friend of mine was dating a guy in finland online for a few years and were engaged. she traveled to see him and same him to her but his jealousy and pushiness eventually drove them apart. it's really touch and go when youre in a relationship and there is not much time to really understand how someone lives and what they are like outside of the allotted time you get to chat.

No. 44757

isn't that called "demisexual"? when you're only attracted sexually to people that you have an emotional bond with?

No. 44758

I have a similar age gap situation, but my bf didn't date much and never married, so it feels more "equal." I am still not sure what my family will think.

No. 44759

Look up the blog registry. Do some digging.

No. 44760

I just think you have a really specific type. I'm the same way.


I'm not demisexual because I have been attracted to strangers who have fit that "type", but that has been about 3 people so far in my entire life. I'm in my late twenties, but have had no attraction to anyone except a very very specific sort of person that I can't describe too well. Hell let's just say picky as fuck.

No. 44761

That's not a fucking sexuality, it's a personality trait. Why the fuck do people need to make all these new sexualities just to feel special?

No. 44762

File: 1482909899273.png (46.75 KB, 853x543, praiseladygaga.png)

Because people on average are not special or interesting. How else do you suggest they compensate, shitlord?

No. 44763

Why does it always happen to me that a male friend will always tell me they hid me from their Facebook feed in conversation and it ONLY happens when I'm in a relationship. Happened to me with 4 or 5 guys that I considered close/best friends at the time. Sometimes they use an excuse like saying my posts are 'annoying' or 'cringe' but all I do is post a selfie less than weekly, occasionally a photo with my bf or a friend less than weekly, almost never share posts or make a status. I mostly lurk and have minimal presence so the excuse doesn't make much sense. Is it just because they don't want to see my relationship posts? Is it a 'friend zone' thing? That's the only conclusion I can come to but I wanted to know if anyone else had a similar experience because it's becoming nothing short of a phenomenon to me.

No. 44764

Do you "like" a lot of posts? They see that as well if they follow you.

No. 44765

I mostly just lurk so no comments or likes and dont spend much time on my feed at all so I don't think that's it either. It's always guys I'm close to, always when I'm in a relationship and they always state it to me in a kinda rude way. Just the fact it always happens with the same conditions is the part that confuses me.

No. 44766

even selfies every 2weeks on fb is a lot imo

No. 44767

Most people I know post daily so I didn't think it was a lot. A week is the minimum for me so it's mostly longer but I don't see why not just scroll past if it's not that often.

No. 44768

Has anyone here moved in with a fwb before? How did it go?

No. 44769

I've known people that have, and it's always just been that they were doing it because they wanted a relationship but both couldn't handle the stresses at the time and just ended up dating once they moved in together, or one developed feelings after they did and it ended up miserable and awkward because the other partner didn't feel the same.

Wouldn't recommend it unless you're absolutely sure that there's no way that either of you could get feelings for the other.

No. 44770

File: 1483670053023.jpg (92.74 KB, 612x612, 1408117601473.jpg)

Is it worth waiting for someone to figure out their stuff?

Basically, we both like each other and would have started a relationship immediately if he was ready.

We had a bit of a rough patch in the past three months but we talked things through in NYE, saying we liked each other. Then I brought up the idea, that if he wasn't ready, we could just try things slowly and see how they go. He said he would think about it. I just got news today that he wasn't ready yet to try anything because he doesn't have the time or the energy for a relationship and so, doesn't want to do anything halfassed.

I asked him if I should just move on or wait, and his response was "if you want someone asap just forget about me". I don't really want anyone else either..

Thanks y'all. If I don't make sense I can clarify as well.

No. 44771

That's kind of a question only you can answer. Do you feel like the guy is worth waiting for?

Don't let yourself get dragged along by someone who's not interested either, people sometimes have issues saying no.

But if it's not that, and he is just too busy to date or needs to sort himself out first and you feel it's worth the wait, why not?

No. 44772


We live pretty far away from each other, so we've only been able to see each other a couple of times in the last six months. However, each time we have we cuddle and sleep in the same bed. We also are really close. I have no idea what is going on. I don't think we could date though.

No. 44773

In that situation, then yeah, I wouldn't recommend moving in together at all. It's not like it's a certain situation where you're both sure what's going on, it sounds kind of uncertain and confusing, so I'd at least wait until you get it more.

Up to you though, of course.

No. 44774

He's never lied to me or lead me on, which I am grateful for. He told me straight up that he wasn't interested in anyone else which was nice to hear.

To me, yes. My friends would disagree with me but they also don't know him like I do.
I guess the real question is when is it time to move on? When he takes too long?

No. 44775

Also agh I'm really sorry. I've never had relationships complicated like this.
Does he just want me to stay away and forget about him if he says to not have any expectations?

No. 44776

Well if you feel it's worth it, then it probably is, your gut's usually worth trusting when it comes to relationship stuff I find.

And I suppose the time to move on is when you start having doubts that he's interested or that you are. Tell him about them, and if nothing changes, that's the time to move on.

Some people wait a year and it ends up being worth it because they very clearly did want to be together, and some people wait a year and just make themselves miserable stressing about it and then it doesn't work out anyway.

There's no one size fits all answer for relationship stuff honestly.

Hard to say really, he might, or he might just get the impression that you're interested in dating someone in general, not him in particular. Could be anything, there's no way to actually say without knowing the guy though.

No. 44777

My gut says it's worth it but my head is telling me no. It'll be an interesting few months. I need to stop googling stupid articles about this because I'll go crazy.
Thank you.

No. 44778

Obviously there is no correct answer to this as all relationships are different, but I was in a similar situation a few years ago.

We dated for a few while and had a really great time, but about 6 months in I started to get kind of anxious over what we were. We had a long conversation about it and he told me he was incredibly sorry, that he thought I was amazing, but that he wasn't over his ex-girlfriend. He told me candidly that it wasn't fair to me to keep pursuing him when his emotions were so tangled up. Kind of the same thing with your situation, he didn't want to do anything half-assed because that was a shit thing to do someone he cared about.

I was fucking devastated. He wanted to stay friends, but I absolutely couldn't since I liked him so much.

A few months and some drunk "I fucked up, I miss you" texts on his behalf later and he messages me. We meet up and absolutely nothing had changed. That night we had a long talk about where he was at emotionally, how he felt like he had figured his shit out, and how much we missed/wanted to be with each other. (He even adamantly refused to have sex with me that night because "that's not what it's about".)

Things are really good between us now. I've honestly never felt happier or more fulfilled with someone in my entire life. I'm really happy that I waited for him… But I also was prepared to let go if he hadn't figured his shit out. The anxiety of "what if" is too much to live with. I also definitely would not have tried again with him if he wasn't straight-up with me and a good communicator. Those two things are really key when it comes to transient relationship bullshit in the way.

Does he foresee himself having more time or energy to pursue a relationship in the future, or do you think that this is his way of just saying he's not emotionally ready?

No. 44779

I'd say go with your gut for now then. If it starts to hurt you, drop it, for sure, same as if you feel he's just using you or whatever, but it does sound like you're over thinking stuff, which really doesn't help with relationship stuff, it has a tendency of just making you unhappy.

And yeah, definitely stop googling stuff, there's always an article that'll support whatever side you want it to with this stuff, and one situation isn't comparable to others, because it's obviously so individual.

Good luck, I hope you guys do work out eventually.

No. 44780

File: 1483684766339.jpg (89.04 KB, 500x375, tumblr_n4uu4b4m9p1qh1oavo1_500…)

Mm I forgot to mention that we're just going to be friends. For now or forever, I'm not too sure.

Anyway. I'm glad things worked out for you two. The anxiety is definitely going to kill me.
He is pretty clear when he communicates… but only irl conversations and we haven't had a lot of those because we're living in nearby but eifferent cities. During the past three months, he dropped off a lot of conversation online because he thinks that online conversations don't have the same nuance as irl convos. Which, to be fair, is true but it was very disheartening because we would talk whenever we had time then getting short responses in return.

>Does he foresee himself having more time or energy to pursue a relationship in the future, or do you think that this is his way of just saying he's not emotionally ready?


He's kind of starting his own company (he's still in school. His school has alternating work and study terms) and he told me that the work never stops and he'a always doing something for it.

He'll be back in his final term at school this May and I would guess that he would have more time and energy. He said the last term would be relatively chill.

He just got out of a long-term relationship just last year where he was the dumpee. When he looked a bit tense when I held his hand (I had asked him if that was ok – he said yes), he said he was still a bit on the defensive side. He's also a bit depressed, so there's that.

One thing that confuses me a lot is that he says that he doesn't care about anything and anyone equally… but he was the one who asked me if I wanted to hang out with him on NYE. He was interested in what I had to say and tried to guess answers to questions that I didn't answer to. His actions and his words contradict each other. I do think he cares about me though…. but ….?

No. 44781

Thanks anon for listening, and for the luck.
Good luck to whatever is going on in your life as well.

No. 44782

Fuck sorry again for posting. I don't know if this adds to the conversation but I think I am one of the very few who've seen all the (ugly) sides of him. He's a pretty shy and introverted guy, and to reveal his thoughts and ideas to me tips me off that he cares about how I see him..?

No. 44783

He likes you, but he's saying don't wait for him. You should not wait for him.

No. 44784

File: 1483867576674.jpg (246.08 KB, 400x800, 1476390572000.jpg)

18 is technically a teenager, yes, but 18 is by no means a child. At 18 you're legally an adult and society deems 18 year olds to be able to make educated and smart decisions. I would be making the same argument if she was 15 at the time. She was young, yes, but not young enough to use her age as an excuse. There's a difference between having an affair with a married man and 'stealing candy from the checkout aisle'. People need to start taking responsibility for their actions, when you make adult decisions like fucking a married man, you're going to get judged as an adult, even if you're going to argue that 'most 18 year olds are just kids'. Sorry, but that isn't an excuse. Most sane, normal people who don't dodge responsibility would agree that 18 is a perfectly fine age to be held accountable for such things like this. I really fucking hate this culture lolcow and other internet communities have where people here constantly try to excuse their shtitty behavior. If she doesn't think what she did was wrong, then whatever, that's a different argument and I can't change someone's morals, but let's not make excuses here and pretend that she was some innocent child.

No. 44785

If you're 18 and drunk driving, you're culpable when you run someone over.
Destroying a marriage/family and sleeping with a married person, knowing they are married, you're culpable as well.

Old enough to fuck someone's husband is old enough to know far better. There's no excuses for homewreckers. If they can't admit to being trash it's on them as well.

No. 44786

I agreed up to this point
>I would be making the same argument if she was 15 at the time. She was young, yes, but not young enough to use her age as an excuse.

Physical age doesn't equal mental age. A lot of people have stunted mental growth. They're not mentally retarded, but they have trouble grasping social queues or responsibility usually because of a traumatic event.

No. 44787

Look anon, the developmental age thing is important, until you remember that people act their developmental age all the damn time.
When a 23 year old is cognitively developed like a 15 year old you can tell. Those sort of things make themselves obvious within days of observing the person.
If someone's got much more of a developmental gap than that then it becomes an entirely different kettle of fish.

Tldr homewrecking is homewrecking, until it becomes assaulting a retarded person.

No. 44788

I keep having dreams about fucking other guys. I'm in a long term relationship with my partner and it makes me feel so bad. I know I wouldn't ever do anything to hurt him in real life nor would I ever sleep with anyone else so I don't know why I keep having these dreams. Is this normal?

No. 44789

Dreams don't mean anything, don't think too much in it anon. As long as you're not doing anything wrong irl.

No. 44790

I'm in a long term r/s and have the same kind of dreams too, anon. Just had one last night. It makes me feel really shitty though I've never thought of cheating or anything related while conscious. I'd say not to worry too much about it, you really can't control what you dream of.

No. 44791

I think at this point we both decided we want to move in with each other. I'm hoping for the best. I really like having him around a lot, so I really hope this works out.

No. 44792

I dont miss my ex but I do miss his dick.
Current guy is great in bed and gets me off but I do miss my exes huge dick.

Id never take him back but the sex was the best ive ever had.

No. 44793

File: 1484036163329.png (48.92 KB, 1000x700, DIRTY SCIENCE.PNG)

I formed a crush on someone I met on a Christian RPG weeaboo forum shortly after my initial sexual awakening at the age of nineteen. I asked her to try an online relationship with me eventually, after working up the guts to message her privately about my feelings, and for about five years she said "maybe", then finally "no, sorry" when it was really clear I wasn't going to even look at or consider the possibility of other women until I'd gotten a no from her. She's actually still my friend, and the only non-furry I've ever had romantic feelings for.

Then one of the artists I knew on FurAffinity decided to be my girlfriend. She was constantly threatening to kill herself and blaming her fictitious kidney cancer (faked for attention) and the pain of treating it on any slight hiccup or dry spell in her ability to draw and upload fetish art. She had someone else tell me that she had committed suicide, and while I was posting a journal to tell everyone that she was gone and start grieving she just joined the site again with a different account. To their credit, most of the furries who had been her fans came to my defense and shamed her off the web (a few years later and I still sometimes get people telling ME to go apologize to HER).

While grieving, I threw myself into watching My Little Pony videos on YouTube and through that discovered Omegle. One girl there took a real shining to my writing style and we exchanged emails for a while, but it slowly became apparent to me that she just wanted me to write rape/bondage rule34 fanfictions of her favorite anime characters and nothing else. One day we were on Messenger, I asked her "What's on your mind right now?", she answered "Not much", and that was the last I heard of her.

A few months later I started trying dating sites - I figured if relationships never formed naturally as a result of normal interactions, the way I was always told through memes and pop culture, I would try a couple sites actually designed for helping people find relationships.

On OKCupid I got a lot of praise for my handsome face but nobody actually wanted to engage in conversation with me. Or after a couple messages they'd say "txt me" and give me a phone number, but I don't now and certainly didn't back then have cellphone.

One person I added to my Skype, and after an initially cold reception she reached out to me with a show of sympathy when I marked my status to indicate I'd come home from the hospital (I'd been in ICU for about a week with appendicitis).

Finally now that she'd opened up to me, we got to talking and it was pretty clear that we liked each other. I didn't know what the relationship status was really until she came into a chatroom where I was a regular and introduced herself as my girlfriend.

I wanted to save cybersex for marriage - in fact I look forward to it more than to the real version. But she kept begging me for it until I gave in, and I really enjoyed it. She soon became cold to me again, then asked for a breakup saying I was addicted to cybersex and she was uncomfortable offering it in the first place. We made up for a time, staying together for another year or so, during which she went back to pressuring me for cybersex whenever she wanted and shamed me for wanting it whenever she didn't. She also started begging for money and going a month or so at a time without messaging me at all, just asking monthly for 300 bucks to "borrow".

In October 2015, she asked me for $400 to buy herself a new iPhone instead of $300 to pay a monthly bill like phone or electricity payments like usual. I gave her $300, which was still more than I could reasonably spare that month, and she dumped me. She promised to pay it all back, but since she'd also promised to marry me for the cybersex and promised not to abandon me that shows how much her promises are worth. She also promised we could remain friends afterward, then removed herself from Skype.

The trauma of this breakup was enough that I started dreaming up a waifu. The character really confused me because she so convincingly played before my mind's eye what I wanted to have. However, she eventually realized that she was fictional and accordingly dumped me for my own good because pretend or not, she really cared about me (because I care about the truth more than I do about my own feelings).

Then after a few months of nothing, I decided to try a new dating site in its beta stage that I got linked to from one of my preferred porn sites. It's a hive of SJW douchebaggery with good people scattered here and there. One girl, ten years my junior, messaged me and despite my misgivings and fear of being manipulated again I warmed up to her quite well.

For four months we chatted and roleplayed things like kisses and cuddles. I was looking forward to her returning to Michigan (she spends summers here and winters in Canada), meeting her in person, introducing myself to her parents, and all that fun stuff I've never yet been able to do with someone. Then her OTHER guy messaged me telling me to "back off" because she was "his", and it turned out she'd been telling this other guy that she only saw me as a friend and I'd been creeping on her among other things. Other guy was her own age, that apparently being the deciding factor in her choosing him over me.

She gave the usual non-apology that amounts to "I wish things were different and I'm sorry I got caught" while imploring me to remain her friend. I basically said nuts to that, warned him that if she pulled this on me she was likely to pull it on him too down the line, and blocked them both from messaging me.

In theory, online dating should be the perfect venue for a sperg like me because being able to lay your desires and feelings out in text is so much clearer than relying on things like facial expressions, body language, tone of voice, etc. and less exhausting than listening to someone speak and trying to pay attention. In practice it's also a pretty terrible option because the very tools that make it easier to communicate truth in writing make it easier to lie and deceive as well.

I'm 29 at this point. My only real stipulations for a relationship are the basic requirements (adult, sane enough to be legally accountable for own decisions, biologically opposite sex to me, not currently in a relationship with someone else, etc.) and that she be a practicing Christian; I've never selected specifically for furries, those are just what I've wound up with so far due to my preferences in where to generally spend my time due to artistic preferences (and porn).

No. 44794

… please end it now

No. 44795

please be a troll

No. 44796

File: 1484037200263.jpg (30.61 KB, 600x750, 7e3.jpg)

At least maybe I think I do

No. 44797

Any tips on how to make an insecure boyfriend open up more? How can I convince him that I'm not going to get disgusted and dump him if he lets me see more of who he really is?

He used to hide under a very masculine demeanour all the time. He's gotten a lot better, but he still isn't completely open about his feelings and what he thinks about things. And sometimes if I push him too far by gently calling out what I see in his personality, he'll lash out and turn it on me.

Like I know that sounds absolutely terrible but this is honestly a really small thing. I'm just nosy as fuck and when I like someone I want to know everything about them.

No. 44798


Probably gonna get banned for this but I actually know how he feels. I got kidnapped and raped when I was 7, it made me extremely distrustful of people and made me question my sexuality all the time. After getting nagged about my first and only girlfriend about why I'm so emotionally distant and distrustful of people I brought the cat out of bag. She was shocked but said it was okay and never probed any further. Than after a month dumped me because she couldn't see me as a man anymore. Anyways long story short opening up about our baggage/emotions is a risk for us. That's why he's not doing it.

No. 44799

You get people to open up by seeming to open up yourself. You get people to share intimate details by sharing intimate details of your own. You get people to expose their vulnerability by seeming to expose your vulnerability.

Do it too aggressively though and you'll just come over as needy. Build gradually.

No. 44800

I guess I'm stuck at the "actually meeting someone" stage
I'm no longer in uni, so where can I go to meet someone who doesn't just want sex

No. 44801

Look online? Takes a lot of effort sorting through the trash but give enough people a chance and you'll eventually get a date with someone nice

No. 44802

If he doesn't mind, then neither should you. He probably masturbates to porn ffs

No. 44803

What does porn have to do with it? He could be absolutely head over heels in love with her and want to be with her, but he's still going to get horny when she's not around, or simply just feel like jerking off, and that tends to involve porn.

Are you saying that guys in relationships don't watch porn? Because I'm not really sure, but if that's what you're saying, then you're pretty naive.

No. 44804

Try Meetup groups anon. It's how I tend to make good new friends whenever I move, and a lot of the other members are also seeking friends. Best part is they will share the same interest as you that the group is about, so you already have something to bond over!

No. 44805

This is probably too long and I sound annoying as fuck. I'm just getting lots of mixed signals and don't know what to do
>Meet a guy online, we message everyday for a year with lots of love yous and couple talk
>Go and meet him
>First part of the trip was rocky because he didn't understand his feelings for me since I'm his first girlfriend
>After we talked it out we get super close and the rest of the trip is like a dream
>He ends up buying me a ring and hugs me in public (both of which he said he wouldn't do because he's shy) He even rode a 2hr train just to take me to the airport
>The last few days before I left we talked until 4am everyday, he kept forcing me to stay awake so we could
>Come home and I'm torn up because I miss him. Feeling like a hot mess.
>Next day, his messages are suddenly very stiff. Skype calls are awkward too. He hardly says he loves me anymore
>When I bring up my next trip he seems hesitant, but says it's because he's worried about my money situation.
>Despite that he's looking at rooms for us and tourist spots to visit
>Ask him about the strained communication because I'm going crazy thinking about it on my own
>He says because we met, he gets embarrassed saying love you and things like that.
>I asked him if it's because he doesn't see me as a girlfriend anymore. He says no
>He then tells me he thinks the emotion he has for me is love because of how he felt when I left
>Still feeling like he's just trying to be nice and he's completely turned off from me now

I know I'm probably over thinking everything and rushing things, but I'm over here a complete emotional wreck thinking the honeymoon wore off for him. I know that this happens all the time in LDR after first meetings. Doesn't help that a lot of my past relationships have ended this way with the guy gradually losing interest and them sort of going along with the motions. I would always have to help them break up with me because they didn't have the courage to.
I kept telling him at the start that if he ever stopped caring about me to just please tell me because being in a one sided relationship hurts like a bitch. He's a surprisingly brutally honest person so I trusted he would.

I just don't know what to think because of how awkward he is with me now. Even our first months of chatting weren't like this. And it happened literally the next day after I got home too.
I miss how we were before the trip and especially during. I thought everything was going right and I fell for him even more afterwards, so this is really killing me.

Should I suck it up and prepare to get dumped or is there still hope and I'm just a paranoid bitch?

No. 44806

Not sure if this would be the right thread for this topic, but here goes. Bf and I both lost our virginities to each other today, and I'm not on any form of birth control. We switched condoms after the first one went dry, and everything seemed fine when he pulled out after ejaculating, including seeing his sperm pulled at the teat. However, for some reason I'm crazy paranoid about sperm leakage and being part of the 2% condom failure rate. Almost every forum I've visited for the past 3 hours seem to have some sort of miraculous pregnancy story and it's making me panic a little. It's about 2 weeks away from my next period though I'm usually irregular, but there is still a chance for me to be on my fertile window now. Plan B isn't readily available in pharmacies where I live and I'll have to visit a GP to get a prescription, but the side effects are making me rethink consuming the pill. Any farmers with similar experiences that can hopefully ease my anxiety a little?

No. 44807

I had the same issue years ago. Even now I sometimes get pregnancy scares lol

Start tracking your period. There are lots of apps that can help you with that and eventually you'll find out when your most eisky days are.
If you're really that scared you can buy a pregnancy test.
I think you should also visit your gyno to get some form of birth control. It'll not only keep you safe from pregnancy but also make your period more regular etc.

No. 44808

Pregnancy scares really are the worst…
I'll do that, thanks anon. Will also be planning to purchase a kit if my next period comes later than usual. I'm really open to start with birth control since using only condoms as prevention is already giving me so much grief, but I'm also wary about having my parents find out that I'm on birth control and sus/flip out knowing that I'm not going to be abstinent till marriage. Considering how I still live with them (uni undergrad), it doesn't seem that unlikely tbh..

No. 44809

Just so that you know, condoms are 100% pregnancy proof.

The 2% chance is just made up by people who lie about their condom usage to avoid blame, people who mess up with handling condoms and those times they break without noticing. Alcohol is also a common factor to messing up protection.

If you are unsure, next time just test the condom afterwards to see if it holds up to pressure.

No. 44810

The error is for misuse or poorly made products. Out of date condoms or condoms exposed to heat or light are also susceptible to failure.
Don't spread false info like "condoms are 200% effective I swear" it's dumb.

No. 44811


Thanks anons your replies helped eased my mind a little. My boyfriend reassured me that there were no leakages or mishaps that he knows of, and that the condoms were purchased recently and kept well. My only worry is having done it while I'm fertile but I hope the protection did its job. Reading pregnancy forums about miracle condom babies isn't doing any good lol

No. 44812


If the morning after pill is available to you and you aren't sure if the condom broke or anything you could take it.

But if there was no leakage you're fine.

No. 44813

Ok so just wanted to vent/get some feelings out.

Been in a LDR for about 3/4 years. It's been my birthday recently and my boyfriend is shit with presents/cards and barely has made an effort ever. I barely got a Christmas gift this year (and i bought him like 10 things). I have within the past year found a new job and the circle of people I interact with at work don't really understand why he doesnt do anything for me. It did bother me a little but they got me wondering 'Wow I really am being taken for granted' as I am the complete opposite and will spoil him rotten.

The worst part is all i got was a happy birthday and i barely spoke to him all day because he had something else on - which is fine because he told me - but man have I been feeling bitter.

I think what i'm asking is, am i just blind to this? Should it bother me he makes very little effort in trying to romance/woo or please me? I will admit our relationship is one sided but it didn't really bother me as much as it does now at the reaction of my coworkers. I feel more upset now.

tldr; Am i just a pushover because I don't realise my boyfriend takes me for granted?

No. 44814

If it's already one-sided it will only get worse with time. The fact that he didn't spend your birthday with you (no matter the reasoning behind it except maybe if someone close to him died) and he only got you a card is an absolute no-go.

It would be different if you both wouldn't care. My boyfriend also isn't good with gifts and doesn't like holidays. But after I told him that it's important to me he made a real effort this Christmas. In the end I almost felt embarrassed because he got me several gifts (I never asked for more gifts, I only wanted him to make an effort, write a nice card an such). All of them were so well-thought through…

Did you try to talk to your bf about it? If he doesn't make an effort even though he knows it bothers you that's a red flag. It's less about receiving gifts than spending time together and showing each other that you care.

No. 44815

He didn't even get me a card hahaha! All i got was a happy birthday.

I brought it up tonight and he blamed it on the fact he hasn't got this new card yet. He acknowledged it but I don't think he understands.

He missed christmas, new year and now my birthday because he had financial difficulty, but really, not even a card?!

No. 44816

Oh haha don't know where I got the card part from.
Even if he has financial difficulties there are still ways for him to show he cares. He could have arranged a skype date, could have sent you text and voice messages all day and at least make you feel like you're not alone. The fact that he barely spoke to you is the final straw imho.

No. 44817

Well he said he couldn't that night because he was going to band practice and I have to sleep at a certain time because I work. He barely messaged me all day. Again said he was working. When I came home I saw he was playing Dota which is very typical of him. He called me and of course I wasn't really up to it after how low I had been feeling. I just feel a bit let down and not cared for? Like damn you could've shown me something. It just feels like a lot of things are more important than me. I understand work priorities but fuck he hasn't tried at all lately. Maybe i just need to get my head around that he doesn't care as nearly as much as I do, or perhaps not even at all. Bummer.

No. 44818

Dump him. He will never return your affection and he doesn't love you, because if he did he'd want to make you happy. Leave him, become the best version of yourself and enjoy being single and learning about yourself and the right person will fall into your lap when you least expect it.

You deserve better! The only reason you are taking this crap is because you don't believe you deserve what you want. But any guy who has you doting on him should feel very lucky and show you appreciation.

No. 44819

I was in a relationship like this for way too long and it does not get better. He takes you for granted and I don't think it'll change–financial issues are just an excuse. You can make so many cute things for someones birthday even without money–just film a little video, look for photos of each other and do something with them etc.

If he's anything like my ex-boyfriend he will just make excuses and never really show you any real affection. We were in a LDR too.

I'd think really hard if it's worth to stay with him–what do you get from that relationship? Do you love him? Where do you see yourself and your partner in 5 years? Living together, getting married or something similar? If not, please break up with him. It's not worth it.

No. 44820

File: 1484651866774.gif (778.73 KB, 260x194, raw.gif)

No. 44821


Thanks i'll consider this deeply. It really has made me thought whether he truly cares or not.

Icing on the cake is how he said how 'awful' he felt - it was all about how he felt and not how I felt. Alarm bells ringing.

With regards to what I get from the relationship, I don't even know. I have goals and aspirations but he vocalizes them too, however I just wondering if he is just pacifying me and i'm wasting my time.

No. 44822

If he truly felt awful for letting you down, he would be going all out to make it up to you. But the truth is, he doesn't feel awful, he knows you'll stay with him if he makes zero effort and he's taking you for granted. He doesn't want to make effort, but the situation is great for him because this devoted, loving girl is showering his shitty self with love and affection which he didn't even earn!!! The situation is great for him because it allows him to be selfish and probably makes his ego sky high because he didn't even do anything and for some reason you think the sun shines out his ass.

Dump him. Dump him and watch him beg you to stay and say he's sorry for taking you for granted and DON'T go back there.

You will find someone who is just the same level as loving and affectionate as you. And who knows? Maybe you're showering him with little love tokens because deep down inside you're trying to get him to love you. When you meet the right person it should be easy.

I'm not trying to tell you what to do anon, but my advice comes straight from the heart. I've been there.

No. 44823

I'm >>44814 and I only wanted to say that I wholeheartedly agree so >>44821 knows it's not only one anon who thinks she should dump him.

You deserve someone better.

No. 44824

I just recently started dating this guy who's basically perfect, but he's stationed in another state. I won't be able to see him until March for spring break sadly, but I need sex asap (he bought me a dildo lol). I just want advice on Skype sex because I've never done it and don't want to make it "unsexy." he has no problems performing for me, and he doesn't expect me to return the favor although I plan on it somehow: either Skype sex or a video just for him. I can't wait to see him, he gives me chills.

No. 44825

Boyfriend of a few months drops a bomb on me that his ex (long term relationship) wants to meet up with him in a few days for coffee to catch up (she initrates this just after our relationship became public). Tell him fine since he had mentioned earlier in our relationship that they ended on good terms and they keep in touch periodically, now she's engaged, they're trying for a baby, blah blah.

After I ask him more about her (I figured I should know since she'd likely ask about me), I find out she was a serial cheater, who cheated on a previous boyfriend with him, then cheated on him (with I'm assuming the guy she's with now) and stayed together with him after he asked that they try to make it work. She eventually dumps him for her current dude. He admits to me the relationship was not a good one, they argued, etc…, but they had good times together.

Now I'm kind of feeling a little unsure about this. I trust him, he genuinely really likes me and the feeling is mutual and he's the sweetest guy I've ever met, but she obviously has/had boundary issues so I'm more concerned with her possibly trying to make things a little messy.

I thought I wouldn't feel insecure about boyfriend's having friendships with exs, but this particular situation is something I never considered.

Anyone deal with this stuff? He asked if I wanted to meet her, and I told him no. I'd like to wait and see how their meetup goes, before I tell him how I really feel about all this.

On the reverse, do any of you keep in touch with your exs? How was your relationship before and after breakup? Would you keep in touch with an ex that cheated on you? Have you?

No. 44826

I fucked up with my boyfriend last night.

It was midnight and I had ran out of alcohol after having a fifth of whiskey, and a half of a fifth of another kind of whiskey I'd had left over. The corner store I always go to was closed today, so I tried to drunkenly walk to the 7/11 seven minutes away down the street. This is not safe at all; we live in a downtown area and there are lots of homeless people and degenerates, and I was ridiculously drunk and would not have been able to defend myself at all. He blocked me as I was walking down the stairs. I started getting upset and it escalated to me trying to physically get by him as he was restraining me, and I was shouting. Two of our neighbours saw this as they were walking in from their car. He finally just picked me up and dragged me back up the stairs into the apartment. I drank the rest of his beer as he cleaned up and did the laundry, which I was supposed to have done earlier. At some point later I tried to go outside to have a cigarette and he wouldn't let me go outside to do so. I told him to fuck off or something, he grabbed the cigarettes and keys out of my hand, and my wallet so I couldn't try to buy more, and hid them somewhere, I was too drunk to figure out where. I was shouting at him over and over, 'I just want to fucking smoke before I go to sleep,' so on. I was saying other shit too that I can't remember, but it must have been bad because he reacted poorly; he started saying I was acting trashily (I was) and that this was making him reconsider being in a relationship with him at all. I don't remember what happened after that. Eventually he went to sleep because he had to go to work in six hours at that point. I laid on the couch and started silently crying; in my head over and over I was replaying the feeling that was overwhelming me of being trapped with no possible escape, like a house cat owned by somebody else unable to leave the house, and I didn't have anything else to drink so I couldn't make those thoughts stop or even go to sleep. He had to get up to go get the laundry out of the dryer (in a downstairs room) and I'm assuming he must have picked me up and put me in bed, I woke up without my hoodie on and with a bruise on my jaw. The entire time he just kept trying to tell me to drink some water and go to bed.

This morning we exchanged six sentences:
>Do you remember what you did last night?
And after he had got ready for work and was about to leave:
>I'm really sorry for my behaviour last night.
>You should be.
>Could you try to just forget about it?
>We'll talk about that later.
And then he left. He'll be getting home in about an hour.

I've been filled with absolute dread all day at the prospect of facing him when he walks in the door. It's made me sit here in silence for hours thinking about all the other ways I've fucked up and how I never even thought about how I must have been coming across or the impact I've had on him. And even so, I've already had a lot to drink today, even though I know that he's going to want to talk about my drinking.

In the last month alone, there have been incidents like this. I was really drunk when I met his parents for the first time, and although I didn't do anything explicitly bad (that I'm aware of), his brother saw me stumbling and barely able to walk when he dropped us off back at the hotel we were staying at. I passed out in another hotel room, locking him out, and he had to get a new room key printed just to get back in. I've started arguments where I'm just being incoherent and aggressive when he had to go to work at his stressful job in a matter of hours. When his friend and his friend's wife came to visit us once we were set up in our new apartment, I talked to his friend's wife alone for an hour and in that time was just mocking her and denigrating her appearance, intelligence, employment prospects, so on; that caused a big argument between his friend and his wife. They came back to see us again the next day since they had come up eight hours just to see us, and his wife brought two of her friends alone; we were going to do a bar crawl for New Year's. I'd already been drinking all day and more in their hotel room, and I don't remember what I was doing or what I said, but my boyfriend and I ended up leaving early and going back to our apartment, and everyone else was pissed off at each other and at us and went their own separate ways too. I remember that I was being really mean to his wife's friend's husband (how convoluted) and he got in my face telling me not to talk to a woman like that, making my boyfriend defend me. There are plenty of other nights that I just don't remember at all, or passed out really early during our only time we share together due to having been drinking when he was at work.

There have also been a couple times this past month that he's referenced me possibly being an alcoholic, which he has never made any mention of before. I've felt him notice more and more how horrifically depressed I am in the mornings before I have enough to drink. I'm terrified that he's going to confront me about that tonight, within the hour. I watched The Girl on the Train and that made me realise all the more how I must be coming across to people. But no one's ever said anything to me about it. I just never realised how bad I was being. I thought I drank a lot, but I didn't think I was impacting anyone else but me.

If he asks me to stop drinking, I know I'm going to abandon a man that loves me enough to have tolerated this for so long, and live off my savings in a shitty apartment until I run out of money, then kill myself. There is no other option for me. I just don't want him to leave me, I don't want to leave him, I want to keep going on like this but I see now that I can't go on like this and be in a relationship. Can he just keep ignoring it? For how long? He's not a patient man, he's more of a stereotypical alpha guy, how has he let me do this to him for so long? How can he have lived with a girl for two years who embarrasses him in public, alienates him from his friends, and doesn't do anything but sit around all day and drink?

This is more of a vent, I don't know what advice I want because I'm not going to change, but I just need to express this somewhere and shouting into the Internet void is the only form of communication I have with the outside world.

Please don't shit on me. I know I'm a terrible person, and a terrible narcissist for still struggling to understand just how terrible I am.

No. 44827

>I'm not going to change

Anon, you're destroying your life over alcohol. Obviously it's fucking difficult, but addiction can be and has been overcome by thousands of people. Think about how much happier and easier life would be without this addiction. The problems with your bf would be gone. You wouldn't alienate yourself and him from friends. You'd learn to overcome depression in a healthy way. You wouldn't be destroying your body.

You need to check yourself into a rehab. Force yourself to go.

No. 44828

I'm seconding what the other anon said. Check yourself into a rehab. Clearly he cares about you to stay with you but you've also gotta care about yourself too.

No. 44829

So don't drink disgusting amounts, act trashily, and be mean?
There's literally no issue for you other than "I wanna get shitfaced belligerent drunk and I want my boyfriend to let me get into dangerous rapey situations wahhh"

No. 44830

Be lucky no one saw him drag you. He could have been charged with assault. That shit is expensive and not something you wanna go through, trust me. I have been there.

If you work shit out with your boyfriend you need to stop being aggressive before things get out of hand

Try exercising and ween yourself off alcohol or something. Get a hobby.

No. 44831

>Please don't shit on me
Yeah, you probably shit yourself literally enough already you fucking waste of space.

No. 44832

How do you know if you're falling out of love with someone or not?

My bf and I have been having a lot of problems for awhile now, but even though we're trying to fix stuff, I dunno if I feel the same way anymore because of all the pain he caused in the past.

No. 44833

You are truly a piece of shit and you don't deserve him. I hope he puts you out on the street.

No. 44834

You need rehab. Your boyfriend can't help you. The reason people are shitting on you is because normal humans can't understand your thoughts anymore.

You have to get professional help. You don't have a behavior problem, you have an adiction problem–a "crazy" problem. If you don't get within arm's reach of a doctor and his staff, you will eventually die.

No. 44835

>you will eventually die

But it sounds like that would be best for everyone who feels obligated to be around this anon.

No. 44836

I'm planning to lose my virginity with my virgin boyfriend. I've heard awful stories about girl's first time and would like mine to hopefully be pleasant. Does anyone have any tips for either of us to make the experience more enjoyable? Things that you would have liked to have happened.

No. 44837


Make him finger you and eat you out, use lube and take your time/be gentle

No. 44838

Sounds like a lost cause. Lots of people stay with someone they love because they have already been together so long that it's a habit and they're lazy or scared of change, which is fine if you're old and married and settled into a family home, but there's no excuse for that when you're young.
Either you want to have a relationship with him, you want to just be his friend forever or you want to ditch him completely. Pick one.

Like the other anons said, go to rehab. This is a really optimal opportunity for sorting your life out, you have someone that cares about you who you also seem to care about. Rehab is going to be a heck of a lot harder if you leave it until you're older. homeless and alone.
If it doesn't' work out you can always go back to drinking, but you might never have this opportunity to have the support of someone you love again.

No. 44839

Make sure your condoms are lubed ones, it's much easier.

No. 44840

File: 1484770432967.jpg (153.85 KB, 640x980, 1483814644469.jpg)

>lots of foreplay
>fingering and oral before actual penile penetration
>use lots of lube
>getting on top will help you get pleasure and prevent pain
>relax and focus on your enjoyment, sex is supposed to be intimate and fun, my deflowering was never painful, neither is it for most women
>cuddle after, it sounds kinda lame but it's actually really good

No. 44841

File: 1484779783626.jpg (28.63 KB, 223x222, IMG_1084.JPG)


No. 44842

I was in the same boat, follow what >>44840 has said and it should be fine. If they're especially thick like my first maybe try fingering with multiple fingers to stretch out a bit, I didn't and it was a bit painful, nothing unbearable though.

No. 44843

I can't get my boyfriend to fuck me. He wants me to get on top and ride him but I'm kind of scared to because I'm still a virgin. I've used toys before so I'm not scared it will hurt but I'm scared I'll look like an idiot or worry too much and ruin things. Once we start having sex I'll be bolder and get on top but I don't want to start things off that way. Maybe I'm being weird but my anxiety got the better of me when I tried last time. I also have not told him I'm a virgin because I'm 27 and feel like a loser.

For some reason I can't get him to just fuck me from behind. He says he can't because of the bed being on the floor but I feel like that's an excuse. I'll get on the floor! Bend me over the desk or something!

I suck his dick almost everyday. He gets hard around me without porn so I'm pretty sure he's attracted to me. What should I do?

No. 44844

Poor choice of words, but loss of virginity sounds awkward as well

No. 44845

> I also have not told him I'm a virgin because I'm 27 and feel like a loser.
Why do you feel like a loser?
What if he's also virgin?

No. 44846

Your boyfriend sounds like a jerk. He wants you to do all the hard work for his pleasure, while refusing to do the position that is most gratifying for women. Not cool.

Or he's fat. Fat guys are lazy and don't want to crush you, so they like the girl to be on top. And their gross stomach get in the way and make doggy style difficult to impossible.

No. 44847

>two anxious virgins trying to get the other to be the dominant partner while lying about their own inexperience

This is a sex comedy in the making.

No. 44848

I feel like a loser because I feel too old to still be a virgin. I thought he might also be a virgin but he told me he isn't. He says he's had sex but not a lot so he's defiantly inexperienced.

I get the feeling I really should just be honest and tell him I'm a virgin when it comes to actually fucking.

I made him sound worse than he is. He has gone down on me and helps me get off. He also doesn't make me do anything I don't want to do. He could lose some weight but he's not that fat.

No. 44849

I have a bit of an unfortunate situation here that I could use some advice on. There seems to be a lot of anxiety surrounding me and my bf's sex life for the both of us and I'm super unsure of how to handle it.

His problem is he's inexperienced at age 26 because I'm his first partner which makes him unsure of how to approach sex most of the time.

My problem is general anxiety that causes me to worry about every little thing (how I look, feel, sound etc). I cannot ever bring myself to start anything off and what's worse is that I'm repulsed by even thinking of having to look at his dick. It's not that I don't like how it feels or anything but I just seem to have developed a strange aversion to having to see my partner naked (seriously, we've been together for almost two years and I've still never even seen his dick). I've seen and sucked the dick of my previous partner so I feel very bad. I don't find my bf unattractive and I genuinely want to make him feel good so he can learn to be comfortable with sex in general but I can never bring myself to do anything. We've had sex before and it's usually enjoyable in terms of how it feels, but it's also extremely bland since we do the same routine every time. I feel like the only reason my previous sexual relationship worked out was because the guy was super into being dominating and telling me what to do so I felt less scared about doing something wrong or looking stupid? My current guy, as previously mentioned, is inexperienced and seemingly has no desire to be dominant (which is fine, don't get me wrong). I understand that most of this issue is my fault but I'm super unsure of how to go about getting myself more sexual confidence. I want our sex life to get more interesting and I want to see what kinds of things we can do when we're both comfortable!

No. 44850

Has anyone here taken or been with their partner to a strip club before? We both brought up that it'd be fun to do if the other was up for it too.

I think it might be a fun experience to do together just to hang out there and get in the mood for afterwards, but I'm wondering if anyone has past experiences.

No. 44851

I feel like a huge ass but I really dislike my boyfriend's mother. She's really nice to me but it's hell trying to communicate with her due to the language barrier. I can understand about 40% of what she's speaking but mostly i'm just really exhausted being around the lazy and negative energy she gives off. It kinda pisses me off seeing her tell my boyfriend to just go with the flow of things instead of working hard like how I've been encouraging him to do so.

It also annoys me how she dumps all her old bags/accessories onto me when she doesn't use them anymore like I'm a garage sale, most of them being utterly useless to me and taking up space in my room. I really want to like her but it's so hard to do so.

No. 44852

Can someone please tell me if im being overdramatic.

Lately it feels like I've been putting more effort into the relationship then my SO. We're in a LDR ( two years now). It feels like my SO would rather talk to his friends then speak with me. I'll PM him on chats, but the convo will die quickly usually ending with me saying something and him not replying. We're in a couple of group chats together, so I know he's available because he'll be chatting up a storm with his friends. While it feels like I bored him and was left in the dust.

Even when I say good morning to him the whole convo could just stop with him saying 'morning' if i dont make the effort to make the convo continue.

We talked about sending each other letters in the mail and while I fullfilled my part (and he received my letter) he's completely forgotten about his and idk when/if he'll even send one.

Maybe im being overdramatic and my self consciousness is getting to me? Or maybe that's just his personality? I dont know but it feels shitty. Im already upset we dont voice chat/video hang like other LRD's.

I've though of just blocking all of the negativity out and go about my day. If he messages me he does/ if he doesnt he doesn't. We'll see how thats goes.

No. 44853

I recently got into a LDR, and I'm worried he'll think I'm too clingy/needy. I constantly want to chat or videochat. I often leave him long sexy messages to wake up to, but sometimes it's just random stuff and I feel like that might be annoying, like maybe I should wait with sending him stuff until he's actually awake.
Like I don't mind it really that he obviously can't chat all the time, we both have our own lives and I can be busy too, but I still miss him when we don't chat. I feel like that might be unhealthy.

No. 44854

My dad took my mom to a strip club one time. My prudish, homophobic, clueless mother. She didn't even realize what was going on ("why is this restaurant so dark??") until there was a stripper in her actual lap and she freaked out lol. Doesn't really help answer your question tho. I've heard from friends that it helps to go when it's a little busier so that you're not the only ones there, and of course to set ground rules beforehand.

No. 44855

Yes, I've been to strip clubs with two different boyfriends. Both of them had given all the cash to me to give out to the strippers and they bought me lapdances, but they didn't get any themselves. They just sat back and watched me getting grinded on. In my experience, I found the strippers to be more playful with me and seeming to have fun. I guess it's because they knew I wasn't there to grope on them or something. If you and your partner are interested I'd say go for it!

No. 44856

You're a girl and each of your boyfriends bought you a lapdance? Or you're a guy and got them?

No. 44857

I'm a girl and my boyfriends bought them for me.

No. 44858

Thought as much. I don't think we'd be into that though, just watch the stage and buy some drinks.

No. 44859

>Maybe im being overdramatic and my self consciousness is getting to me?

No, you're not. I was in a similar situation, though not as severe. Is this his first relationship or something?

Personally, I'd back away and see how he reacts, but I think the smartest thing to do would be to talk to him about it.

No. 44860

If that's the majority of your contact with him it sounds pretty lame. If you really never have engaging conversations either checked out or taking you for granted. Did you start as a LDR?

No. 44861

i guess this is a weird thing to say and i might get shit on for it. but all my bf's exes in the past have been unattractive. not disgusting really, just average or a little below. not only are they not great looking, they seem boring too. none of them seem cool or like they have anything going on. i don't know how to deal with these feelings really, it just bothers me a lot

No. 44862

You want to feel attractive, and you want to think your boyfriend can date attractive women, or that you aren't out of his league. Possibly he was working through confidence issues previously and reformed himself.

If you're somewhat uncomfortable you can always leave him. Plenty of fish in the sea

No. 44863

Make sure you tip the girls. They normally dont get money from drinks sales, so if you're going in to gawk at their working environment you might as well tip.

I have no advice to offer but I have a similar feeling. My bf's ex was chubby and boring, although he never tells me anything about her so maybe she was cool in her way, and he always prefers the sexy cougar types in tv shows. This makes no sense because before him, only guys who liked anime lolis went for me and I worry this means I am aging badly.
Sometimes it helps to talk about it and ask what he likes about me, but if you're insecure inside, it's not something other people can fix for you.

No. 44864

Tipping sounds like a no brainer.
Thanks for the advice anon!

No. 44865

Anons, have any of you ever felt like your s/o loves you more than you love them and sometimes you just don't feel attracted to them and might find them annoying temporarily?

My bf always tells me he loves me a lot, but I feel abnormal. It's almost like I'm just comfortable/safe in this relationship sometimes but I know this isn't true and I'm just in a mood. He's a really great guy and treats me well, we're similar, etc, yet sometimes when we're together for a weekend, I suddenly feel down for an hour or two and just don't feel like talking to him, or like we are 'too different'. I'm kind of temperamental and get tired from social situations easily but I almost never feel like this when I'm at school with my friends. I can't tell if I'm just socially exhausted after the weekdays or subconsciously unwilling to interact with him for whatever reason, possibly because sometimes I find him a little immature when I know he's just being silly and it turns me off (which is petty, I know)…

Also since I've noticed this, I've had multiple dreams where I had sex with random dudes and dream-me feels super guilty for cheating. lol.

If you've been through this before, please let me know how you overcame it, because I know this is an issue with me, not him.

No. 44866

That sounds pretty normal to me, especially in an LDR where you don't really get to see each other, missing them is going to be more of an issue.

No. 44867

Well, if it's that you're having issues leading to it, see a doctor and a therapist, same as any other situation like this.

Try relationship therapy and tlaking to him about it if it's not like that, because it can lead to resentment if you leave it unchecked.

No. 44868

I'm literally going through the same thing, anon. Sometime's my boyfriend repulses me. I feel like I can't break it off because he has a heart of gold, and loves me so much.
I always just hoped I'd get over it, but I'm not so sure…

No. 44869

File: 1485408498924.png (48.49 KB, 750x674, 6DD1C13D-1C07-4349-A097-28E66B…)

>Be moving to home country in a month
>Leaving gf behind in states
>Probably final
>Going to break up with her before I leave so neither of us get hung up
>Tried to hide fact that I'm moving from her
>She found out
>Says she still wants to be together
>This is gonna be fuckin rough
>Feel dread knowing what I'm going to have to do whenever I'm trying to have fun with her
Part of me wants to pull of the band-aid and the other wants to stretch this out as long as I can to be around her even though I know I won't be there a few weeks from now.

No. 44870

I'm sorry, anon. Is there something specific about him that puts you off?

Thanks for the advice, I did tell him how I felt and he said he understands

No. 44871

I'm having that thing where adult life makes your relationship feel like a LDR. We're both working such different hours right now that we rarely get to sleep in the same bed, I feel like I'm living alone, the only time I get to see him is the weekends and he's on a different sleep cycle so I just get angry that he's tired. Mostly we're communicating by text on a time delay. This is only temporary and it will get better but I'm upset that I will never get to have the kind of relationships you have as a student again, where you both do nothing but play videogames together and chill out for days. Being an adult is suffering.

>I feel like I can't break it off because he has a heart of gold, and loves me so much.
Is this one of your first real relationships? Unless you love him the majority of of the time, a one sided relationship is a waste of both of your time. You aren't going to 'learn to love' him, you're just going to get more bitter.
Pretty much just >>44838 again

No. 44872

Do you not love her anymore or…? If you want to make it work, I'm sure you can. If not, then don't worry about hurting her feelings. Maybe she can go with you or follow at a later date?

No. 44873

Probably not the nicest thing to say but your post makes me feel a bit better. I've recently started working so I can't see my boyfriend at all since he's in uni and at the end of my work day I can't go to see him, I finish too late and school is too far away. We don't live together so we probably won't be seeing each other except for a few weekends until I finish my internship - thankfully it'll be over quick but I'm really looking forward to it.
I can't wait for the time we're settled in a nice house and have good schedules that give us lots of time together, but it'll be years before we finish studying and get to there. But now I realize I need to treasure those few times when we can just be lazy and shit.

Hope your situation will get better soon!

No. 44874

Guys, I need someone to tell me "bitch you crazy" and slap me in the face. I'll preface my boyfriend woes by saying I know I'll sound narcissistic, spoiled, etc… I'm a neurotic only child and I'm trying to work out my issues.

Basically, I get in my own head way too much, which sometimes spirals into neverending self-pity. I don't think my boyfriend and I do enough "special things" together. We've been together 4 years, and in year 2 of living together. I know this is a super common complaint from women, and my boyfriend reacts with the typical "We spend every day together" bullshit. I've gotten upset before and voiced this, which makes him upset (he's been depressed before), and then we make up and nothing changes. Even though he's an amazing boyfriend (cooks, affectionate, selfless, open-minded), this stuff just gnaws away at me until I'm crying from how unloved I feel. I KNOW I'm loved though, he just doesn't show it by wanting to go on dates. It's not a big deal, I know, but I make it into one and I can't stop.

Does anyone have advice on just letting things go sometimes?

No. 44875

From the way you prefaced your issue, I was expecting something a lot more unreasonable. I think you're being a bit too hard on yourself anon.

He gives you the "but we live together" spiel, but that doesn't mean all that much. If you guys never do anything together, aren't you essentially roommates with benefits then? If anything, I think he's the one being somewhat unreasonable. He sees how much this upsets you but doesn't do anything to make you feel better? If my partner ever told me that they felt unloved I would feel like the biggest piece of shit in the world and try to make up for it ASAP. Even if he's not a romantic type of person and doesn't see the point of doing those type of gestures, he should still try to do them now and then to make you happy. It's not that big of an ask.

On the flip side, do you ever do romantic things for him or try to organise the dates?

No. 44876

Thanks anon for your kind words. Yeah, I'm a really proactive person so I always have a million ideas about what we could do. He's extremely chill on the other hand, and IS romantic but just uncommunicative and passive. Every time we fight, it's something that I'm unsatisfied with. And he cares a lot and says he'll change, but once I'm not mad anymore, everything goes back to the status quo…. I think this could verge into unhealthy territory soon, where I'll think I need to be mad all the time to see an actual change :(

No. 44877


But he is cooking for you, you fucking whore - that's how he is showing his love etc. That's without evening going into the "Selfless" comment you made.

Dumb cunt I hoped you get raped by a clown

No. 44878

Omg are you an incel or wizard? Only they would think those insults are effective. But you're right, I'm really lucky that he does those things.

No. 44879

File: 1485551084537.png (131.8 KB, 500x503, 1485362330116.png)

Just read that 'love languages' book. People express their affection for their partners in different ways. You wrote that he cooks for you among other things, he most likely sees that as expressing affection.

You need to sit down with him, without getting upset because that'll make him shut down ans say whatever to calm you down, and tell him that you know that he loves you, but that you need to see it expressed in a different way. You should ask him what he needs to feel loved.

Remind him of the promise you made to each other until it has become routine. Adult discussion always is the best option.

No. 44880

We've been together for 7 years.

I went to college and she's been working in sales, she comes from a military family all of whom have served and tbh it worked out well for all of them.

I took a job here in the town we grew up in, I'm not stuck here, I will leave I want to leave, I just know that it will happen so I'm happy to get job experience and wait awhile.

She feels like a failure, she hates that she hasn't done anything. Her family is telling her the military and she is going, she is doing it.

We agreed to separate, it's for the best but we're both so fucking depressed I know I am and she's calling me at night asking me to come and sleep at her parents but I know it would be a terrible idea.

I want to scream at her STAY but I can't be the reason she stays in this town, I can't hold her back, but if I set her free I fucking know I'm never seeing her again… I keep thinking is any of this going to matter when we're dead? I want her to stay but I can't ruin her life by making her stay but whose to say it will be ruined… It feels so wrong saying this goodbye when neither of us wants to.

No. 44881

Why can't you just be long distance for a time until both of your careers progress and you can live together or nearby each other again?

No. 44882


LDRs to the both of us just feel like a prolonged death sentence. Neither of us can imagine a positive outcome, only lots of longing, pain and inevitable heartbreak. We may be wrong but we've ruled it out.

No. 56362

File: 1489327642516.jpg (25.21 KB, 355x369, 1462378439202.jpg)

Has anyone here ever dated a commitment phobe? I feel like this is more of a vent but seen as its relationshit stuff I thought I'd post here. It's a really long story so it's difficult to TL;DR or greentext, but I'll try to sum it up:

>Be me last year in December

>Be getting friendly with guy who I knew mutually through his dad
>We get on really well, but I can tell he's a womanizer and shit. Musician meme and all so he's had plenty of past short-term relationships and I don't think much of it, plenty of ppl like that have a high partner count.
>Can already tell he's interested in me but don't want to rush anything bc of reasons stated above, don't want to become just another notch on the bedpost and all that
>Get to like January and we both decide maybe we're essentially both in a relationship now
>It's going really well, seems like his Mum likes me and stuff, happy to see her son trying for a long-term serious relationship and I get on with her rlly well because we both like the same musician
>By this point we're starting to get a bit more intimate, some sex stuff but not the whole hog seen as I'm a virgin
>Get to February 10th or so and after the last weekend I spend with him he starts talking a lot less to me
>Think it's normal, we've been seeing each other for full weekends for like 3 weeks in a row now
>It gets to a week of hardly any contact
>See him for a day and bring it up and tell him if he needs space I understand but just need to know I've not done anything wrong.
>He essentially tells me he does need space bc his mental health is sort of bad rn so I'm like ok
>It's getting to like 2 weeks now, he's ghosting me all the time on FB and he's starting to hint stuff to me like 'I can't see you as much because I'm doing x and y (joining a band etc etc)' so I'm like 'okay I'm fine with that' because I'm too much of a pussy to accept that he's dropping hints left right and center to me
>He finally this Thursday tells me he thinks we should go on a break from the relationship whilst he sorts himself out mentally but doesn't know how long that could take
>Tells me about his commitment issues and how one of his past relationships really messed him up (the previous one he had before me) but I can't really get anything out of him because he doesn't understand why he feels like this himself and that he does this a lot (distances himself after a certain point).

Honestly there is so much more to the story like I say, but yeah. Has anyone else experienced a similar thing? Do you think he will come back to me?

No. 56364

been there
done that
love yourself

No. 56386

I think you already know the answer, seeing as you know well he is the Musician meme

No. 56389

>When I came home I saw he was playing Dota which is very typical of him
Found the problem

No. 56401

'do you think he will come back to me' girl there's a flaw in your thinking right here
'A break' is basically short for a break up, and it's super unfair to just back out from relationship but holding you down with this 'break' shit, no
he just likes the idea of you not having anyone and being there for him if he wants, as he fucks around because oh he's so mentally unstable
sorry, I hate this type. Don't wait for this scum girl, he's gonna hurt you

No. 56447

How fast are relationships supposed to progress?

I'm really new to them, and got an LDR type thing from another country (we started just as online friends). We've only known each other for two months but he's already talking about me visiting him and also me doing "lewd" stuff (which I'm not really comfortable with t b h).

No. 56453

It all depends on you. I fucked my ldr bf 3 months into our relationship but I trusted him enough to feel comfortable. You don't have to do anything you're not ready for. I hope he's not pressuring you or anything.

No. 56456

as >>56453 said IT ALL DEPENDS ON YOU and don't you let him tell you otherwise. For me personally, 2 months would be too early to fly to another country for some dude. Adding to it that he is vocal about expecting sex from you… well, no idea how good your relationship with him is, but be careful. I smell shady

No. 56473

Thank you anons. How would I bring it up that I'm uncomfortable?

No. 56488

Just sit him down and tell him you're not comfortable with it. Flying to a country after just 2 months is pretty shady like that other anon said. Just let him know and if he's a good guy, he'll understand and wait until you're ready. If not, you can do better.

No. 56497

File: 1489601799939.png (30.64 KB, 159x200, Screen Shot 2013-06-18 at 10.3…)

Is anyone else a MilSO? If so, did your partner change and how did you deal with it?

TL;DR, my high school sweetheart joined the military and he's changed (gotten meaner, views are kind of beginning to conflict with mine) and I don't know how to feel. I care for him dearly, but he still has a few more years serving before he can come home permanently and I know for a fact I wouldn't be having these issues if he were still home. I've been told that it might take a few years to reintegrate into society and get back to his old self.

We had a serious talk about his changes last week (one of his oldest friends doesn't want anything to do with him anymore, it's gotten so bad) and last night he said I'm his last emotional attachment to our hometown. He was aggressive & defensive about his behavior last week, and last night he seemed very apologetic & sincere.

No. 56503

File: 1489606057568.jpg (8.75 KB, 197x250, 1481740795505s.jpg)


Thanks for your opinions, I honestly know deep down he probably isn't worth my time, but damn it's hard to give up on this guy. It's only my second relationship ever so even though I saw warning signs at the start I probably just went ahead anyway out of pure curiosity and blind desire. I'm partly to blame for my own situation really. It's just a waiting game now.

No. 57068

I'm not sure this is so much relationship advice as mental health.

I get anxious as fuck that I'm going to be replaced or my bf is going to get with or fall for someone at work or a friend. He's expressed to me that I'm all he needs or wants and I'm unique (e.g. we share really over the top nerdy interests that most people, even his nerdy friends, and especially the girls, don't give a rat's ass about, etc.) We have plans to get married.

I think he's touch-starved but intellectually, I seriously doubt he'd cheat on me. He thought his ex was and that hurt him a lot. It makes me happy that he's finally spending time with friends and that he's so happy he wants to hug them tons, but my anxiety fucks me up.

We have no relationship issues, minus my own personal anxiety issues. We don't fight often. The only real stressor I can think of is we live in different countries, but we are both trying to move in together, to the point he was looking into houses and flats yesterday, he's been researching my country's constitution because it's new to him, I have a file with immigration docs, etc.

I think he's just a bit of a feminine straight guy with a heart of gold. He's a lot like me in that he just platonically loves other people a lot, but doesn't necessarily keep in good constant contact with people; I have a lesbian bff and I'm bi but he's never thought I'm up to anything because I'm just like this. I have to wonder if I need to look at it the same way to alleviate my anxiety…

No. 57098

I can empathize with this. I have bipolar so my anxiety shoots through the roof sometimes and I have shitty self-esteem. I still have dreams where my boyfriend cheats on me even though we're so close and everything's pretty perfect.

I actually just asked my boyfriend (of 7 years) for advice on your story because we've gone through similar shit. I used to be constantly miserable that I'd lose him and that I wasn't good enough even though, like you, I knew he wouldn't cheat on me. That's the key to this though, it's not your bf it's you.

You have anxiety, you're going through HUGE changes in your life, you're thinking about getting married for fucks shake. He's moving to live with you which is going to change so many things. These are massively stressful events and your anxious brain is running through the worst case scenarios.
You say you "seriously doubt" he'd cheat on you, so you don't believe it's in his nature, yet your brain is telling you that the thing that would hurt you most- that this guy you're in love with will leave you, replace you, stop loving you.
You know that's your anxiety speaking. That's not your fault.

My bf just told me that he could always tell when I was feeling that way, I wasn't holding it inside as much as I thought, I'd get withdrawn and sad and scared and he'd feel like I didn't trust him. He says he liked it when I just said what was upsetting me so at least he could talk about it. This is not the same as saying "I think you're going to cheat on me!" it's saying "I'm feeling really anxious and insecure and unlovable" or something to that effect.

Dealing with mental illnesses or even just bad feelings starts with identifying that the things you fear are not happening- if you know it's irrational, figure out what your brain is telling you. Are you feeling shitty about yourself? Anxious about living with him? Scared of making him move/leave things behind? Are there other stressful things going on? This is the shit you've got to talk about with him. If you're going to get married or even just live with each other, you've got to be able to talk about your pain.

Sorry for rant, just hit close to home lol

No. 57108

Thank you for your kindness and your advice.

He used to have strong feelings for one of the friends he's gotten back into contact with, and there are other stressors, but thing is, I love her too, and that's without even knowing her well personally! And I'm glad he's in contact with her because I like her so goddamn much. We were talking about moving in possibly with friends to save up money to live by ourselves, with her/her gf and the other friend he'd seen being possibilities. And I think he had feelings for her when he was like…15 or 16, too, but it hadn't dawned on me how young he was when that happened.

It's circular anxiety because I know it affects him, and it makes me feel like shit. Two of my exes left me over my mental health (and other factors,) that doesn't help either. He's got his own mental problems, e.g. has an anxiety disorder too, and just switched to a new job at work.

I have a lot of stress involved with our eventual marriage and move because we are both young and I'm from a tightly-knit family, plus I am still in school training for my career. I feel like I want to kick my ass in gear and make everything move faster, but that's not actually possible.

Oh and um…I sort of have bad karma, though I don't believe in karma. My ex and I broke up after I'd gotten involved in a poly relationship with my current bf. I was getting exhausted by my ex and didn't have romantic feelings for him anymore maybe a week into this but felt like I had to take him back because I missed what we had (as in because comfort and I wanted his friendship.) I felt like I was going to make him kill himself and the blood would be on my hands, too. :| After the breakup, I went strictly monogamous and can't imagine myself dating anyone else. It kind of feels like payback even though I meant no harm to my ex, and I thought I was doing what he wanted. I'd had feelings for my bf for a while and wrote it off and stuck in that relationship that wasn't likely to go anywhere because my ex is a manchild sixteen years older than me. Kinda feels like I'd known I needed/wanted my bf all along but my life was a fuck, yet I can't just write off that it feels like I hurt someone else because of being a legit autist.

No. 57109

fuck sorry to samefag but needed to clarify, when I said "poly" I mean that we had gotten into a sorta-thing, while I was involved with my ex and my bf wasn't involved with anyone else, but a week in ended up admitting we loved each other and around then I also tried to dump my now-ex.

No. 57112

ah, the old fucking a manchild sixteen years older than me then turning it into a poly relationship then ditching the manchild for the new guy I like more move. I'm not surprised you're afraid of him cheating on you, anyone involved in that mess probably shouldn't be trusted to tie their own shoes

No. 57113

First of all, fuck off. That guy went after me when I was seventeen years old, made suicide threats, and would detail the ways he hurt himself to me.

Second of all, I'd known the guy as long as I'd known my ex and considered leaving him much earlier.

No. 57116

lol.. letting yourself be manipulated by a man twice your age by "i'll kill myself if you don't!"

No. 57117

It sounds like it was pretty complicated!
There's no such thing as karma and even if there was, you know from your reply to that anon that the messy breakup with manchild wasn't your fault, you described the way he manipulated you and you were very right to leave him if he was making threats etc.

Sorry if I sound like a broken record but do you feel comfortable talking to your bf about that relationship triangle you were in or is it too much of a sore spot for both of you?

Also, as an aside, may I ask how young you are? There's nothing particularly wrong with marrying young but is there a particular reason besides just wanting to?
Sorry for all the questions.

No. 57118

don't you have anything better to do than trolling an advice thread on an imageboard?

No. 57119


I'm about 21, he's 22. Immigration is part of why we plan to get married, just to quicken the process, and we've thought over the possibility of what would happen if things didn't work out. We've talked about what happened with the love triangle, but it was a really emotionally dark time for both of us because of the manchild.

High stress, poor communication, manchild would butt in and fight "for me" against my bf and it only made me resent his behavior more. He put extreme pressure on both of us and I've never seen my bf or myself quite as bad as I did then. Every time I got upset and would stupidly go to manchild for help, he would crucify my bf for fucking up and made him feel like everything he did could set me off. The reality was yes, I was emotionally fragile, but my ex would take a minor problem and turn it into a huge fucking explosion. He kept telling me it was okay but would be a dick to my bf. When I met my bf irl for the first time I think it really clicked in my mind that that relationship with my ex had been on life support for a long time and it needed to end.

He never seemed to like my bf even when I was close friends with him and it always made me feel like shit because I adored him. He'd deny it and said I was "falsely accusing" him of disliking bf, but it was old bad blood, to the point my bf felt unable to talk to me at one point in our friendship partially because of my ex. He was more or less convinced my bf would "steal" me and there was full on jealousy going on, so in retrospect, I think that him letting me get involved with my bf was his last-ditch chance at eliminating competition or saving our dying relationship.

I also have a really bad history with suicide. I witnessed my dad nearly kill himself, my uncle an heroed when I was in early childhood, and I nearly did more than once while I was involved with manchild. He seemed dead serious about killing himself because he had a history of self-abuse and depression.

No. 57124

God, manchild sounds like a piece of shit I'm sorry you had to deal with that.

I think your bf sounds like a really kind person and it's good that you can talk to him about things and that you're friends as well as partners.

Watching your dad do that must left you with some pretty devastating trauma. Your uncle too, that would have been unbelievably painful, even if it didn't register that way at the time.

Trying not to be an armchair psychologist here but death, especially suicide, is the ultimate abandonment, intentionally or not. Children often blame themselves for their parents' pain, it makes the child want to "fix" them. Children in unhappy households also try to make their problems seem smaller so they don't upset their parents.

I wouldn't be surprised at all if this has seeped into your adult relationships. You don't want to hurt your partners, you want to fix them, even if it's at the expense of your happiness and safety.

I think you might want to try seeing a psychologist to help deal with some of your childhood trauma. I'm not trying to diagnose away your fears with your boyfriend as some kind of Freudian bullshit- and it might not be related to your childhood at all, but the way we relate to other people starts with our parents and it's good to just get all that pain out to a professional.
I'm assuming you live in America and I know healthcare there isn't free, but look into therapy if you have the means. I personally think everyone should see a therapist, stress is fucking deadly.

No. 57140

Thank you again. A lot of the trauma didn't register because I've internalized it or tried to forget, but I see a lot of my negative behaviors as being the result of emotional abuse. I've had a lot of fucked up things happen to me and I don't think of myself as a victim, so I forget a lot.

I've been in therapy before and probably should be again. I'm insured so it's more a matter of finding someone I can get to and click with.

I've had to struggle with feeling like I have to parent other adults or people close in age for a while, tbh, I don't realize that a lot. My boyfriend hasn't made me do that, but manchild did and I end up being my brothers' father when my dad goes off his meds or is too manic. I keep telling my mother that the rest of the family needs to go into therapy too because I'm ending up being her marriage therapist because she thinks my dad will "trick" the therapist.

I really need to move out for my own good, and part of why I was stuck with manchild was he offered me an escape. My bf technically does too, but I'm not trying to run away from my country anymore and would be perfectly happy just having him live with me so we could emotionally support each other. He's exhausted from work and I'm exhausted from negative self-fulfilling prophetic anxiety and my family. He comes from a family with similar but not as serious issues, so part of why he has been understanding is that. They get into pretty nasty fights and his parents kind of hate each other, mother had abusive parents like my father did, etc.

I try to act as therapists for other people but feel shitty making them worry about me because it feels like my problems aren't that bad. I kind of think it's because my life is good/fine now, I forget what I've had to pull myself out of.

You're right about suicide as the ultimate abandonment because I have severe abandonment issues. Sometimes I think I self-sabotaged, but that doesn't happen really since manchild has been gone. Now it's more like I occasionally find myself anxious because someone I love and who accepts me as I am wants to marry me and grow old and all that and he isn't suicidal, manipulative, or going to walk off on me. It's like I've got such a good thing that my anxiety has to find something wrong. I've come up with ways to cope and try to and often successfully override them a lot when I'm in a good mindset. It's just when I'm emotionally vulnerable or sleeping poorly that it's rougher. Or sometimes from my hormones. Lol.

I'm hoping we will get to move in together within the next couple of years for our sakes. Goddamn, I miss him.

Sorry for the long winded reply, I've never actually felt this comfortable saying most of my life story/issues publicly like this. On lolcow.farm of all places… :P

No. 57157

i met a guy over my college's winter break and we hit it off immediately. it was actually weird how much we had in common, down to shared music taste and weird little online spaces we frequented and mutual interests in fashion and stuff. we went on a lot of dates and hooked up a few times, we were each other's dates to a new year's party (and each other's new years kisses), were essential an item over that time, his friends and my friends were all aware. the issue, however, is that i go to college on the opposite side of the country from him - both of us were just back in town for the winter break, and when we acknowledged that, we came to a place as the break was getting closer to ending for him where we had to define the relationship and basically came to an agreement that a long-distance relationship wouldn't be very good for the both of us and we'd just be friends towards the end of the break/when we got back to school. we still talk to each other a lot and have literally talked every day since we both got back to school (in all honestly since the day he got my number) on the phone or by texting, we'll send each other random songs or mixes, weird/interesting links and articles and talk nonstop about them, or just have long convos about nothing in general without it getting boring - that "spark" hasn't seemed to die down, so…

i still really, really like him, i want to say that he might feel the same about me, but we both are pretty awkward and avoid talking about that at all. we'll both be coming home for the summer, though, and i want to possibly date him etc (or maybe even just hook up with him) throughout similarly to how things were over winter– i just am not really sure how i'd go about that? like i said, both of us are kind of awkward (and we kinda just came together anyway), and the idea of being super upfront makes me nervous though i feel like i'll probably have to do it anyway at some point

of course the other issue is what we're going to do when the summer ends. i kind of don't mind the idea of us being coupled when we're physically together & good friends when we're not, but i dunno. there's still a bit of time until the summer, also, so i don't know why i'm fretting about it as much as i am, because there's also the likelihood of things just coming together as they did before. what do you think the best route should be/should i even worry at all?

No. 57161

I feel like I'm too picky with guys.

I hooked up with a guy, he said he had a crush on me, and we've been texting. He is very intelligent and has taken a bunch of grad classes in college as an undergrad and stuff. He's also pretty cute and shy, which is my type.

Still I think he might be kind of boring for me I guess. Like he only listens to classic rock, and when I tried to talk about foreign films he bought up Pan's Labyrinth. Idk it sounds really bad but I feel like if we were in a relationship then we'd have nothing to talk about, and I would just be kind of bored. I don't think I'm very cultured myself, but I just don't want to sit around thinking about how my bf would have shit taste all the time. I don't want to act like I'm too good for anyone, but at the end of the day I guess if some guy is boring me then there's no point in having a relationship.

I think I'm getting way ahead, so I don't know if he would want a relationship. I think he is definitely interested in something though. Maybe just sex. Either way if we don't have a future then I think that makes texting him kind of pointless. I think i might just hook up with him again when we're home for the summer and move on.

I guess I can only like a guy if he unintentionally makes me feel a little shitty haha.

No. 57167

Some people can be very boring and yet be nice, cute and smart. You probably haven't met the right person yet and think you're basing your attraction on a combination of stuff like intelligence level, looks and whatnot. Maybe you'll run into a pretty average guy and fall head over heels.

I don't know if anyone feels the same way but my self-esteem just fell to the ground the moment I started going out with my boyfriend. I met him recently and he's everything I've searched for, but the more I fall for him the more I realize I'd be devastated if he left me because of one of my many many flaws.

He's a total hottie too and all of my girl friends are drooling over him (not in a competitive way). Usually I'm pretty confident especially when I date people but I'm starting to think that's all because I didn't care that much about the relationship.
I'm at day 15 and wondering when I'm going to fuck it up completly.

No. 57484

Ok, so. Hooked up with a cute Aussie guy back in February. He took my details and now we communicate primarily by e-mail, though also sometimes by Messenger. We've exchanged several e-mails since then, telling each other about our days and already we've found that we have quite a few things in common. I try really hard to write e-mails with little anecdotes or comments that will make him laugh or smile because I know it can be tedious to get to know somebody by e-mail, but that's primarily what we're going with because he's out biking across Europe and not always connected to wifi.

Anyway, I kind of want to talk to him a little about the night we hooked up. Just about how surprised I was when he kissed me. I don't know, I want to tell him more of my thoughts. Is it too soon, should I avoid doing this? I'm dying to know how long he was thinking about kissing me before he went for it. But idk if asking about it is good. It could clue him in that I think about it a lot, perhaps a bit too much than is warranted? I don't want him to think that I think too much. Sounds so dumb, but there you go.

For further context, we've both told each other that we really hope to see each other again. He wants to return to work at the hostel we were at later this year and even said "hey maybe you could too." With kissy faces. But idk he's pretty liberal with those kissy faces, maybe it doesn't mean anything. But on the other hand it's like…girl relaaax, this dude obviously likes you.

Ugh, please help.

No. 57486

People are more than their taste in music and movies…idk, I personally wouldn't base my attraction to/relationship compatibility with someone on that so much. It's their overall personality. If he's boring you, it's probably his personality. If you found him to be an interesting enough person you'd probably want to know more about why he likes those things, or just simply accept it as general facts about him and want to know more.

No. 57514

i'm >>57157 anon, and i think that our situations are a little similar, hahaha !
do you think you like this guy relationship-wise? or do you just think he's cool & want to be his friend/like the idea of him being more than just "guy that you hooked up with & never spoke to again"?

is the tone of your communication just generally friendly, or does it veer into flirtation (i think it does with all those kissy faces)? i feel like it'd be more appropriate to ask if you guys are more flirty, but with that, it'd also be better if you guys were talking via messenger/a more instant form of communication so itd seem less planned or more casual, and not like you've been thinking about it too much. if there's anything distinctive from the time you hooked up that can help you segue into bringing it up, maybe start the conversation talking about that, and mention your surprise and stuff casually.

i worry that i creep out the same guy i like/come on too strong or annoyingly sometimes when i'm talking to him just because our talk is so friendly and constant now, and ugh i have those "omg am i being annoying despite how invested he is in talking to me" versus "relax, he likes you" moments all the time. the fact that you're actively communicating and both seem to be dedicated to keeping it up, as well as hoping to see each other again (along with his "maybe you could to") is a good sign, i mean !

No. 57517

Anon, has he talked about his feelings at all? Does he ever talk about serious things with you, or does he only send you flirtatious emojis and mention that you should both do this or that (shallowly)?
If it's the latter, and if I was in your situation, I would assume he is keeping me as an option for another future hook-up, not anything serious. I guess it really depends on how into the conversation both of you are individually. If you're obviously putting more effort into responding than he is, it's probably not worth it, I would say.

No. 57551

Hey, thanks for your response. I read your situation above, and personally I think you're in a much better situation than I am! I would say go for it re: this summer with the guy. If you don't outright date the guy, I feel like you guys will almost definitely become an item again, it could probably just happen like how you guys just came together the first time. And if you're an item all summer that gives you guys plenty of time to bond, and from there, if you guys like each other enough, you'll both probably want to keep dating in spite of the distance. For now, I'd say just be yourself and keep up the communication, like you have been. Your guy is definitely more obviously interested than my guy, imo. I envy you, personally! haha

As for myself, well, I think I really could like this guy relationship wise. I don't really know him well enough yet, but I'm definitely infatuated and I'm so eager to keep getting to know him. I do think he's cool, and I do like the idea of him being more than just the guy I hooked up with. I definitely want some kind of friendship.

Our communication is just generally friendly, but it does veer into flirtation sometimes. I veered it into a little flirtation this past Saturday, and he responded to it well, I think. My idea is, flirting is fun and feels good and I want him to think I'm fun and feel good talking to me. I want him to really look forward to seeing me, if we can see each other again. But you're right, I do feel like I come on too strongly or annoyingly sometimes. And then again, like you say, there are all these good signs! I think I flirt more than he does tho…maybe I should avoid doing it so much? Maybe it makes him think I'm just a slag who wants the D again?

The most he has talked about his feelings towards me is he thinks I'm a special girl, how he thinks I'm awesome, how he wants to keep getting to know me, how he feels lucky to have met me, and how I really made an impression on him. This all sounds like terribly generic stuff but coupled with the fact that he continues to keep in touch with me like he does makes me think he means at least in some capacity…it's just that he's no Cyrano, maybe?

Than again, I do get the feeling he's trying to keep it casual. Us meeting up in the future is mutually desired but still kind of uncertain, and it does make me think the offers to do things together (billiards, music) are bit on the shallow side. More of a "who knows what the future could bring?" kind of territory.

I do also think I am putting more effort into responding, but I've been trying to think it's more that he's biking and camping all the time…and I'm just a better writer than him maybe? lol

God. What a mess.

No. 57552

As a guy, I'd prefer you to be forward with me if you have feelings, it's the kind of language that registers with us more, and you will know very quickly whether he's serious or not, and whether he's worth seeing. If you play the shy girl card, you are unlikely to get his attention. Men may also get confused by this behavior. More often than not, if a guy has really made up his mind that he likes a girl, he'll make it obvious. So, with that in mind, if you like him, you need to be the one to say so and make the next move.

No. 57553

Hey ladies, I have a couple relationship questions. I asked a girl out recently (and got rejected), and at first I handled it alright, I don't think she thinks too much of it and she was cool to me about it, but the past few days I've been feeling pretty lonely as a result.

Basically speaking, I'm a chubby young man, but people tend to find me to be kind, smart, and respectable (so I am told). I am somewhat confident but I am generally more focused on being humble since as a teen I had a propensity to be arrogant.
How much should I concern myself with working on losing weight (as far as it pertains to getting a girlfriend)? I have good hygiene, I have a good job, and people consider me to be smart. I personally feel like I should chill out for several months before going back to looking for a girl who I get along well with to date, while I work on self-improvement.(USER HAS BEEN PUT OUT TO PASTURE)

No. 57554

Well if you want to work on self-improvement, doing sports and getting fit is a big part of it. Reading your post it seems to be the one thing that you feel like you could improve so I'd say go for it. If not for self-confidence, do it for your health and to build good habits that will improve your quality of life.

No. 57557

The main reasons I'm doing it are for health and habit. I used to do it to look good, but that motivation wore off and I've had to re-find the drive to exercise amidst my new difficult and jam-packed schedule. I'm making it work, but a part of me would like to end my loner's streak soon, since I haven't had a serious relationship with a lady ever. Mind you, I'm 20 and my only girlfriends were non-serious relationships from high school, but since then I haven't been involved in trying to date until now.

No. 57559

So if you were me, you'd go ahead with sharing some thoughts and feelings then? To see how he responds to it?

Personally, if I like a dude, him being a lil chubby isn't going to stop me from dating him. My last bf had a belly and it didn't put me off at all. But if you're a straight up fatass, that would for sure lessen your chances. Anyway, you could never go wrong with losing some weight. It's not completely necessary, but why not just do it bc it's nice?

No. 57620


You're a disgusting fatass.

No. 57667

>considering trying for a bi relationship because guys can be shit
>stuff like this scares the hell out of me
It seems like other girls are way, way more demanding than guys are.

No. 57690

I'm bi and let me tell you, the women I've dated have been the most affectionate, giving people when in a relationship and the guys I've dated have been moody, manipulative little bitches.
Of course ymmv but honestly, women have a right to be mad at man-children. I'm currently in a relationship with a man and he is the first one I have ever met who doesn't whinge and try to be controlling while simultaneously treating me like I'm hysterical when I have a single problem with the relationship.
From my experience, being with a woman as a woman is often a super chill experience, you understand each other better and there's no weird power-dynamics going on. Maybe I just got lucky and got with some lovely girls but if I didn't love this guy I'm currently with, I'd probably go exclusively for women tbh.
Also don't use lolcow to make decisions about who to date lmao

No. 57695

Maybe more of a personal problem than a relationship issue but how do I stop being insecure over pictures of girls my bf likes on social media? He likes a lot of random cosplay/weeb girls' selfies. Most of the girls are average and a lot of them are kind of attention whore-y so I'm not really sure why I get so insecure. When he likes professional cosplays that girls do I don't really care. He tells me he just likes the pictures without really thinking when he browses social media, which I believe. I feel really awful when I bring it up since I come off as super jealous and overly insecure (obviously) and I know there's no reason for me to be. I really don't want to seem crazy but when I see he likes these girls' pictures I compare myself to them and feel awful for a few hours.

No. 57696

Does he comment on any of the photos, or just like the pics? Honestly, I'd feel jealous either way, but could probably get over just liking pics. Commenting shit like "You are so hot!" would piss me off though.

No. 57697

Nope he never comments anything, just likes a dozen or so selfies a week.

No. 57713

I had that problem and then I whipped him. Basically I said I'm never fucking you or talking to you again if you don't delete those comments/unlike those likes. He eventually just deleted his Instagram. I am going to assume he just made a new throwaway account which is fine at least that's showing me courtesy and respect

Is it childish yes but then again I'm a dime and so are you anon. You can demand as much.

No. 57768

File: 1491540951298.jpg (59.42 KB, 680x404, IcingArticle.jpg)

Not sure if this is the right thread, but can any farmers help me out with what to expect if my partner ejaculates inside me? How much mess is there? What do I do about it? Will the sheets get ruined? Does it drip out?

No. 57770

There is not much mess. You could lay down a bath towel to be on top of, then toss it in the wash. No, the sheets will not get ruined. Yes, some might drip out.

No. 57771

Make sure to pee afterwards. it will push all the semen out and you won't have to worry about it dripping out or the possibility of UTIs. Like the other anon said, use a towel under you when you go at it.

No. 57774

Thank you. Do people generally keep a towel by the bed for this, or is that not a thing?

No. 57777

I usually keep tissues around to wipe right after sex, especially if we used lube because I don't like having sticky thights or butt.

Then I go pee, it flush out some of the semen and helps not develop UTIs, wipe and eventually make a quick stop by the bathroom to wash with some water (If you got a bidet it's really useful).

Yeah sex is not always that clean and perfect from start to finish like in movies. Nobody's gonna think you're weird by keeping some stuff like tissues and a towel close to your bed unless they're kids.

No. 57852

How do I stop being unappreciative? My birthday was a few months ago and my boyfriend of a few years held a small surprise party. He knows things like that make me uncomfortable so I'm pretty sure the party was our friend's idea. The rest of the night was me watching him and our friends play video games. Even though they went out of their way to get balloons and a cake (it was expired so we couldn't eat it), it made me feel like shit. My boyfriend hadn't gotten or made me a gift. He ripped out the day of my birthday from his planner and drew a quick picture as my card.

I know I am being a brat and should appreciate the party & "card" as a gift. I'm also overly sentimental and need a material object to attach the memory to. I was hoping he would make or write me something. So… how do I get over it?

No. 57856

I'd say you don't just get over it. Talk to him about it. Tell him how you want your birthday and special occasions to be done and how you prefer it. If he knew things like that made you uncomfortable why exactly should you be appreciative over your boyfriend forgetting or ignoring this? And not even a 2 dollar birthday card? He ripped a page from his fucking planner and called it card? I would be pissed. If you don't say anything about it he will do something like that again since he thinks you're fine with it. You have to lay down what you want from him.

No. 57857

You can't push all the semen out just by peeing. Peeing is a really good idea after sex because the urine will clear any bacteria from the urethra that may have been left behind from your partner during sex, but the urethra is very different from the vagina, which is where the semen goes. Yes, you can let some semen drip out while you're sitting on the toilet peeing, but the semen can also pass through your cervix from your vagina to your uterus. In this case, it's totally possible to get dripping/leakage later on despite having gone pee. I normally wear a pantyliner after sex because in some cases the semen has stayed up there for over 24 hours.

No. 57863

imo thats not you being unappreciative. it is a special day for you, and there is nothing wrong with wanting to be made to feel like you matter. it was about him and what convenient for him. that whole scenario sounds really shitty and i imagine lots of people would feel pretty crappy after that.

absolutely stand up for yourself in that regard. you matter, and coming from a long term relationship that had a lot of the same issues, there is a good chance it will be like that more. we are creatures of habit, so if he gets used to just doing, or not doing, those sorts of things for you, its going to stay.

dont settle for alright.

No. 57878

So, it depends on why he's liking them, what the photos are, and how publicly visible it is. If my bf was liking pics of scantily-clad women all the time and it was showing up everywhere, yeah, that would make me uncomfortable.

Thing is, he may just like cosplays. I dunno. I'm not him. I know that I like seeing artsy/tasteful nudity and nicely done cosplays, and it doesn't get me off. I like a lot of selfies and I see it as showing support to the person's comfort in their appearance, but these are people I know, not e-hoes.

No. 58005

I just found out that my boyfriend spend procrastinating the last two weeks a really important thing for his future. He told me to not talk too much to him, because he needs the time and needs to concentrate. I myself was in a really rough place, because depression started hitting again. But because of respect I tried to keep it as low as possible and be a supportive girlfriend.

So, now I found out that he didn't get shit done, because he spend his time differently. He went to some rape fetish forums and was on such subreddits trying to hook up girls on there for "us". Always stating it would be for a threesome. Now, we are rather kinky, but he knows that rape stuff is something that really grinds my gears. Also other things like bestiality and even sexting with some asian girl that was into raceplay, calling her a gook-whore and shit like this on kik.

Now, even though he texted those girls that there is intention of meeting IRL, he told me that wasn't actually the case. And well, it was always stated that I would be involved. And no, I didn't know about any of this.

And so much stuff, that I found outright disgusting. I can't deal with any of this. He even send a nude pic he took of me to them, cropping out my face. And a full nude of him.

Is this now cheating? Because he always stated that I would be there, too.

No. 58006

What the fuck.
Just procrastinating something important would make me really angry at my boyfriend, but the shit after that is just beyond fucked up and weird.
Did he tell you he did all of that or did you find out another way?
Sending a nude without your consent is also incredibly disgusting. Sorry to say but if this were me I'd break up immediately.

No. 58007

I found out by snooping because I had a weird feel and he was all distant.
When confronted he just told me he actually really loves me etc. and that he was just so under pressure because of the thing he was procrastinating and wanted to escape. Because at least getting replies from crazy and self-hating chicks is at least something that he could do, or something.

Thanks for the reply. I'm pretty torn, because I didn't know this side of him at all. And now he's all lovely and normal, too. Like in a way, that makes it impossible to even phantom those things if you don't know it. So that I can kind of act like this was just a mistake?

I don't know, how do you know when to stop clinging on a relationship and when it is just that you don't want to be lonely?

No. 58008

> So that I can kind of act like this was just a mistake?

No, and you know too that you can't. The worst people are always the most secretive about it, get out of that relationship

No. 58010

If it was just watching freaky porn then I could understand. But he a) entered cheater territory by messaging those chicks and b) did something unforgivable sending your pic to other people.
I'd say break up or else you'll just let it go and it will probably happen again and hurt even more. Your relationship probably won't be the same anymore after this anyways.
Be brave Anon, no doubt this is going to be difficult but if you do it I'd say it's for the best.

No. 58012

Anon you should move out as soon as possible, but even if you can't do that just yet you should be honest with your SO about these fears and trust that you're not going to scare him away. Obviously you need to have space for his problems too, but don't be so worried to lean on him about all of this. He's been through a lot with you, he loves you, trust him.

Also please promise us that even when you're with your current bf, you have other friends. Nonsexual, platonic friends that you can be honest with.

No. 58013

Thanks for the replies. I think I really needed to hear that.

It just hurts so much, because I just moved to live closer to him two months ago and we stuck together through so much shit, and my mental health is currently getting extremely bad again and I don't know anyone around here. Well I guess at least I learned to not ignore red flags you see at the start and telling yourself that this is just a little thing, or this is just a small unimportant part and we all have our weird moments. Red flags should always be red flags.

Thank god I have my own place and I'm not dependent on him. And honestly I don't think I quite understood your post. I was honest and confronted him, but it's still unclear if the relationship might go on or not. I don't know it either, because I was still pretty unsure if this is cheating or not, because it is in some grey area and he did some mental gymnastics to justify it too for himself.
But welp, I really wish I knew people around here. But at least I have internet friends, I guess.

No. 58014

Fuck you, really. That's a serious threat that is mentally damaging, especially to the growing mind of a preyed upon child.

No. 58015

I've been dating my current BF for about 8 months now, and knew we were soulmates when we met 5 years ago. for 3 of those years I was gone, so I've spent maybe a year and a half with him total.

We're both in love. While we were drunk one night, he told me that I can just consider him my husband, because he considers me his wife. It made me so happy. We've talked about it may times again since. The other night, we were talking about getting married. We were drunk and would have eloped right then and there if we lived in a late-night town.

I know it's silly but I'd do it. I have some goals that I'd like to accomplish first, and I told him the other day that I'm not going to marry him until I reach these goals. I figure it's- at most- a year and half more until we get married in secret. We're both in our early twenties.
I don't know why I'm posting this. I guess because I don't have anyone else to talk to.
I'm in love with him. He's legitimately my best friend and soulmate. We do everything together, share every interest, and require the same things out of life. We have the same energy. We've basically lived together the entirety of this relationship. I spent a few nights at home in the beginning, but outside of that and a vacation we're always together. He's the one person that doesn't wear me out. I have life-long best friends that I can't stand for more than two days, but I can be with my boyfriend eternally.

I suppose I'm just looking for an assessment, and knowledge from people with similar experience.

No. 58016

>and now he's all lovely and normal, too.

He's manipulating you because he knows he's in the shit house. I had an ex that would do the same thing. It was always "for us" even though he would be requesting "Daddy Top for Young Chub", or using kik WITH MY PICTURES TO PRETEND TO BE ME AS HE SEXTED STRANGERS. I hate him.
Trust me, it won't change.

No. 58018

Sorry anon I meant >>58012 for >>57140 but if you're the same poster then I'm sorry about that. Someone doing mental gymnastics is a bad sign though, if someone cheats and owns up to it then they should be thankful for anyone to take them back long enough to work through it, but if he's gaslighting you with guilt about how it was 'for you too', or ignoring that it ever happened then it's a bad sign. He needs to own up to the wrong thing that he did.
It's really important to have a social life away from your SO though. It's not healthy to be completely dependent on each other.

No. 58027

Does everyone have UTIs from not peeing after sex, or is it pure luck if you have to do that nor not?

No. 58028

It's dishonest and unfaithful, and he sounds like a shitty partner, tbh.

No. 58029

What kind of goals, if you don't mind my asking?

No. 58031

wow, thats intensely similar with what i went through with my ex fiance. i considered it cheating. he felt the need to hide it from me and even when i first confronted him about it, he lied and when i persisted, there were only trace amounts of admittance. i came back at him with years of receipts of his fuckery and finally he actually fess up to everything.

get out. seriously. there is an absolute lack of respect for you. just because youre kinky and into things is no excuse for anyone to think that means its a go to do anything with you, your image or name.

what a fucking asshole.

No. 58032

Mostly goals related to physical appearance, as I want to be the absolute best I can for him. I'd also like to save up money and get our own place together.

No. 58079

I think anon was replying to me. I was scrolling here on /g/ and hadn't expected anyone to talk to me about my old posts, but well here I am.

Yes, I do have friends/a social life outside of my bf. He's very introverted and I worry about him more than myself, but he's said that I've encouraged him to see friends he would've just lost contact with otherwise. I thrive off socializing even if it's just online/with strangers because a lot of my friends don't live close by.

I have a best friend and some other friends, and luckily for me, one is a mutual friend with us both that I can trust with my problems and who can "get it." Despite all of that past trauma and the exes blowing up, I'm a well-liked person. I'm also in school so I get regular casual interaction through that. I actually went out with a friend around when I posted >>57140 and stayed out with her for a while.

We had a couple of blowouts recently, due to what I was worrying about plus his anxiety, and it was pretty shit, but we both mended it up and things are smooth now. I can't really remember the fights nor do I care because I know it was all based in fear and loneliness, and we both have forgiven each other and been enjoying each other's company. So it's situation normal.

No. 58083


I'm sorry, but how can you be surprised and hurt when your bf cucks and doesn't respect you when you open yourself up to getting cucked? Did you honestly think eh wants to fuck other women for YOUR benefit?

This is why you NEVER do MFF.

No. 58092

I'm on the combined pill but due to rushing home due to a family member nearly dying, I was off the pill for a week or two.

My boyfriend and I were intimate the other night and he went about a third into me but didn't cum, but there was precum. I'm probably being paranoid but what are the chances of me getting pregnant and because this pill makes me miss periods, how would I even know if I was?

No. 58094

>the other night
Is it too late for the morning after pill already? If not go get one, just in case, even if it's not necessarily going to be effective.

I'd say the chances are very low. If you want to check go get a pregnancy test, I'm not sure when would be the best time to take it though, I wonder if two weeks after the unprotected sex happened is enough.

No. 58095

Good or bad idea to send the guy I'm interested in the following message (for context we are not together but both mutually interested in each other and are currently going our seperate ways travelling)?

"I danced with some guy at a bar in Paris last night but the entire time I just wanted it to be you instead. :( <3"

No. 58096

Eh, nah, I wouldn't send him anything like this. I'd refrain from mentioning other guys, even if you're trying to express that you're thinking about him. At best it'll make him laugh but it could make him jealous or weirded out.

No. 58097


No. 58111

No don't send that. If you want to tell him that you're thinking about him, just say so. Something like "I really feel like dancing, I hope we can go to that Bar X when you come back"

No. 58452

Footjob tips, positions, advice?

My boyfriend wants me to do them but either my legs run out of stamina or it's awkward to hold his penis because he goes on and off semi sometimes

I want to blow his mind and I used to be a pro with my ex…..three or four years ago, and I have forgotten everything. Please help!

No. 58462

I've not had sex for two years and I'm quite small, my boyfriend is both long and thick and has a great dick but how do we have sex without me hurting or feeling sick? Sex has always hurt a little for me, what should I do

No. 58470

sry no idea… foot fetish forum might be a catch?

i have the same issue being "too" short. may i ask how old you are? you sound very unexperienced. first off it's important that youre wet enough so care for that before having intercourse. for being to long, he just cant enter fully, he just has to stop before. if him being to thick is hurting you, it means youre not relaxed enough. youre muscles are tensed up, tightening your vagina. so solution is you need to be more relaxed.

No. 58483


Don't worry, I'm 23, but I lost my virginity at 20 wih my ex of four years and I was previously abused so it took me a long time to be ready for sex, sorry

Does this mean he'l never be able to fully fit me?

No. 58514

Lube and foreplay

No. 58559

I'm nervous about my boyfriend moving to another city soon. We're long distance so there's a lot of insecurity there but we truly love each other etc.

I'm really scared about him probably being tempted to go after other girls…but more importantly I'm scared of the anxiety and loneliness I felt before we started dating. I was obsessed with him before, to the point I ruined a year of school, and developed some severe anxiety and depression issues. I'm terrified I'll be in the same dark place I was at before because I'll be worrying about him. Also, I feel really really fucking selfish for this, but um…we talk almost every single night to the point I depend on the interaction and feel empty whenever we don't - but in the new city he'll go out more with friends because he knows more people and that worries me. All ties into the loneliness part.

Does anyone know what they'd do in that situation? I'm trying so hard to let go and not worry and just be supportive but I feel like I'm swallowing my tongue and on the brink of tears.

No. 58563

File: 1492661725111.jpg (5.43 KB, 157x250, 1484259580900s.jpg)

>Does anyone know what they'd do in that situation? I'm trying so hard to let go and not worry and just be supportive but I feel like I'm swallowing my tongue and on the brink of tears.

Yeah, it's because you're mental and have built your entire identity around him. I get idolizing someone early in a relationship, but if you can't learn to detach yourself you'll always be projecting your insecurities onto him. If you don't get a life of your own you will spend all your days "what-if"ing inside your own head. Do you know how relationships like that go? They don't, they end. You can't be a girlfriend he has to to baby and also a mom who needs to check on him every minute. You're already long distance, if he was cheating on you, you would never know, and it's not that hard to hide.

You need reality like a cold river to the face. You are insecure in yourself, and these issues are your own. It's not his fault you make yourself want to cry out of distrust. It's Yours. Fix yourself or your routine is going to start sounding like an old song.

No. 58579

File: 1492682565212.jpg (14.45 KB, 300x500, 1484717045619.jpg)

How do i get a boyfriend?

I already got myself in good shape with jogging (started few years back)

I updated my wardrobe with new clothes to boost my self esteem

I even started wearing make up (nothing too scandalous just some lipstick and powder etc)

But still i can't seem to get any attention from guys

Is it too forward to try approach them myself? i don't want to seem slutty or desperate

No. 58582

File: 1492688165146.png (255.34 KB, 456x317, 7pAE4cy[1].png)

No. 58585

if you're looking for a boyfriend and not to just be fucked then there's nothing slutty about approaching a guy. if he gets the wrong opinion out of it that's his fault. and if the guy likes you (if you're strangers you can replace this with likes the way you look) then he will love that you approached him. just be strong in case it doesn't work out, everything will be okay.

No. 58603

I don't think you should actively go out hunting for men or anything, you'll just end up with thirsty losers who will use you for sex and you have nothing in common with.

Take up some classes (painting, drama, computers, dance…whatever you're into) or join some kind of group that meets up regularly (a yoga group, language exchange, hiking, people who play board games…) and not only will you have fun, you'll end up meeting someone who is interested in at least one of the same things as you. That way, you'll have lots to talk about on the first date.

There's nothing weird about approaching a guy at something like that. Just make a friendly comment, don't approach him any differently than to how you'd approach a new friend. You're not going to seem slutty if you're just complimenting his artwork or making a comment on the scenery on a hike lol. Nature will do the rest.

Body language is a big thing so look up some signs that guys are into you. Even if you're pretending to be just friends, it'll be pretty obvious.

No. 58604

Does anyone have any tips on how to get over feeling so prude with someone in the bedroom?
I can't help but feel a sense of shame sometimes even though it's what I really want behind closed doors.

No. 58605

Creepy Susie?

No. 58607

File: 1492714917454.jpg (1.05 MB, 3264x2448, 0faa1fb58a558d691ecb8f1bdc1d25…)


Pursue hobbies you enjoy even in an online platform. You're bound to find guys in certain areas, even in the least likely ones (and no, they won't all be gay either).
Heck even filthy casual online games harbor a plethora of men. It's just a matter of trying to ramp up social skills if necessary.
I met a guy through such means, he's actually highly respectable and intelligent as well (and cute as fuck).
Just be careful all the same obviously, Anon.
You'll find a Q T 3.14 guy you adore eventually who feels the same way.
(Just FYI I thought I was a helpless case myself the whole time).

P.S kudos for the effort for what you've been focusing towards like getting in shape since many probably wouldn't even bother after a while of searching and go hunting for cats instead.

No. 58686

i could really use some advice. it's been a year since i've had sex. i'm a very very very infrequent masturbator too.

finally met a decent guy and we've been trying to have sex. unfortunately when he gets halfway in it hurts so much for me that we have to stop. we've tried missionary and me on top and still the same results.

anything i should do? should i see a doctor or try a different position or finger myself regularly so i "stretch"? advice pls

No. 58691

File: 1492815061226.jpg (10.53 KB, 220x294, ra,fitted_scoop,x1100,fafafa-c…)

I hate posting about this, I feel like one of the crazy cows I bitch about on here.

I have BPD and it makes me act fucking crazy in my relationship sometimes. It's scary because I have very little control over it. I mean, it's sperg rage type shit (threatening to kill myself, self harming, demanding he gives me his accounts to check he isn't cheating etc), really fucking shameful. I never knew I was like this until now, I got in my first ever relationship about a year ago. I can't tell if he fucked me up (he has issues with aggression, abusive language, being controlling) or if I'll always be this way.

Should I just end this relationship and accept that I'll just need to be alone forever?

No. 58694

Idk how big your man is, but I'd start with fingering and if you have any toys to start slowly introducing those in so you can get your hole used to that size.
I'm very very VERY tight and before I have sex with my man I always have to dilate using dildos.

No. 58697

You and me both! BPD is a cunt. I'm in a peaceful, healthy relationship right now, but my last two involved me getting super violent and raging like an autist constantly, hurting myself in front of them, smashing plates on the ground, destroying property, running down the street screaming at the top of my lungs…

I'm 23 now, almost 24 and honestly? i've just grown up a lot and learning to control my emotions has been much easier. The last man I was with was my ex fiancee and he did NOT know how to handle me at all. I also wasn't super happy in the relationship and kinda just wanted the attention / validation a lot of the time.

Keep going. Only kill the relationship if it keeps happening and you're both unhappy. Eventually you'll find someone who can help you. My current boyfriend soothes me immediately every time I get even kind of upset, and he doesn't even know I am doing it

It also helps to have a guy who you KNOW isn't cheating. That was a massive issue for me too. I thought I'd be this way in every relationship, but not now.

A better relationship may be out there for you. Or you might just need to grow for a bit, and your current boyfriend will have to support this. Be brutally honest with yourself all the time. Don't let the fear of being alone influence you.

Anyway sage for blogpost but this struck a chord with me because I have been through the same thing.

No. 58744

I can relate to this. I've been in LDRs for a while and it makes me feel like I need to "be around" so I'll have time with my partner.

Realizing that he's going to be around means that I can go, you know what? I haven't seen this friend in ages, I'm going to go out and see them. I'm going to go somewhere today and treat myself. I still spend a lot of time at home because introversion and wanting to see him more than most people in my life, but it feels like my balance is a lot better than it has been or could be.

I have a lot of interests and hobbies and they include a few major shared hobbies, so I can look forward to telling him all about what a nice time I had by myself. He's my best friend, but it doesn't mean he's my only friend or I can't be alone, even if I miss him sometimes. I take a lot of joy out of my hobbies and interests so I don't "feel bad" for doing them instead of breathing down my boyfriend's neck 24/7 since he needs the quiet time for himself too, and it's win/win.

You need to just put your foot down and tell yourself you're going to do something fun for yourself. Unless your boyfriend is a dick or your relationship is failing, he's going to be around tomorrow, or next week, or whenever, and you have time to see him. You can be busy because you can stop when he's home, or he can wait for you.

No. 58754

anon. do you have a throwaway skype? I have bpd too. you don't need to be alone forever. honestly i feel you so bad. for real, let me know if you have a throwaway and want to hash it out with someone who understands

No. 59334

I'm in a LDR, we both live in different countries. How can I cope with the fact that he could be cheating and I would never find out about it? Or that he could randomly dump me? Is there any way to prevent him from cheating? Can men resist when they are being given opportunities?

No. 59338

If you question the trustworthiness of your bf like this, are you sure you want to be with him?

No. 59341

You don't have to be in a LDR to have your partner cheat without you finding out. But it seems like you don't trust him, so maybe you should talk to him about it.

No. 59342

not that same anon but another bpd anon, either of you still around? id do anything to have a friend to talk to who understands what its like

No. 59343

>>59338 >>59341
It's not that I don't trust him for some reason. It's more because statistics say that it's about a 50/50 chance that someone will cheat on you in the relationship, that makes me worried.

No. 59348

I'm in an LDR too, you can't really know but you have to trust. Luckily for me my bf is a big homebody so when he's not at work he is at his house talking to me so I mostly know where he 24/7.

No. 59350

Don't have LDR if you have BPD, people. Having one used to make me bounce off the fucking walls. I felt lonely all the fucking time, I made both of us miserable with my abandonment axiety, I was constantly worried if he took some time to answer.
LDR are hell for people with BPD. You need stable relationships, it really makes a difference between being an unstable mess and being a somewhat together person for me.

No. 59351

This. And not just people with BPD, LDRs only work for people who don't have problems trusting their partner and who are somewhat self-confident. I wouldn't tell you to break up with him just for being suspicious, but if you find yourself constantly worrying about this and bugging him for reassurance, then you should consider breaking it off. If you are able to get over these feelings, then LDRs can actually be awesome. I really liked that feeling of finally being with him after several months apart, every moment spent together was something special.

No. 59434

I'm not bugging him, I don't bother him with my concerns, and I don't worry constantly either. I just have general lack of trust in humanity I guess, like those statistics really made me second guess reality. Anyone in your life can be some degenerate cheater, and it can be someone close to you, or even your own partner.

No. 59441

This was actually really fucking helpful holy shit. I did some soul searching I guess after posting this and you're right about the insecurity part. It's funny because over the last couple of months, the more confident I get, especially about my appearance and my future, the less nervous I feel. Before I used to think I'd probably an hero if he ever left me/cheated on me, but now I feel like…if he ever did cheat, it would fucking suck, but I'd be okay. I really did build my life identity around him at one point. Now I feel like I'm much more independent. And this summer I'm going to be working a whole lot so that'll keep my mind occupied.

>sounding like an old song

Yeah you're right tbh. It's annoying how much we talk about it.

idk if I could call this ~tough love~ or whatever but I really appreciate this. Thank you anon :)

No. 59469

relax anon, deep breath and just have some faith

No. 59480

File: 1493716239572.jpg (285.83 KB, 1253x849, 1441003151493.jpg)

I found out my bf browses Chaturbate and a few MFC whores while I'm at work.
We don't have sex often (I don't view this necessarily as a problem) but considering he's admitted I've gotten fat (working on it), I'm probably in one of those 'he loves me but doesn't desire me anymore' relationships.

See, I don't mind that he browses sites like redtube, pornhub, xvideos, etc. because they're just generic videos made for anyone to view.
Something about camgirls though…it just seems so much more personal. Er I guess it could be, potentially. Especially when I see that he googles their names in particular and didn't just stumble upon them by happenstance.

I don't have proof he's tipping them or spending money though (thankfully…or just not yet?) Tbh if I ever found out he was spending money on virtual whores I would dump him.

I feel that I have a healthy dose of suspicion, and here's why you might agree with me: bf has been dismissive of his friend's cheating tendencies. It appears the reason he has empathy/forgiveness for otherwise reprehensible actions is because he can relate to their actions, or he's cheated before. He's hinted that he's cheated before, but seemed pretty ashamed when I asked him about those relationships. He's never told me exactly what he did.

So far, I know of two of his closer male friends who've been caught in major cheating situations. The first one had an emotional affair behind his fiancee of 7 years' back, which effectively drove a rift in my bf's friend circle when the guy ditched his fiancee for the other woman. The second…oh sweet fuck this person makes me so angry. So he cheats on his pregnant wife with whom he already has a child with, files for divorce to be with the other woman, and claims the reason as "she wasn't fun." Unfortunately bf isn't around very good influences.

I basically have to find a way to approach this without telling him that I basically went through his browsing history like a mom.

No. 59491

Anon wtf are you doing, love yourself a bit more. You're the one who has to set up boundaries or everyone is going to walk all over yourself.
How is your bf supposed to respect you if you don't start by respecting yourself ?

First of all the dude hasn't a solid moral compass because he doesn't mind making excuses for his friends. Also meaning that if or when he cheats on you, his friends will have his back and excuse his actions too.

Now whether you consider it cheating is up to you (I would and like you, I wouldn't mind porn). Viewing videos, paying for generic porn or sextoys is not cheating to me. But the moment it starts being something you wouldn't admit then it's borderline cheating.

Grow a spine anon, tell him you found it by accident but now it's here. If he tries to deflect or blame you for looking up his history, ditch this asshole.

No. 59662

TL;DR how do I breach the subject that my boyfriend's diet is unsustainable and unhealthy. He isn't fully committing to his low carb diet and has probably gained 20+ lbs since we became long distance. He sends me snapchats of the high carb meals he eats for lunch and sometimes tells me that he's eaten junk all day/past days or has thrown up after eating two packets of mints. I don't have much experience dieting/stress eating and when it comes to eating our habits are polar opposites.

Long version:

My boyfriend and I have been in an LDR for 2 months now (dating for 8). When we started dating, he had lost a good amount of weight but was still overweight. After he got to the lowest, he stopped the diet because he was going through some very serious family issues and was under a lot of stress with that and school so he gained some of the weight back something like 10-15lbs. Not incredibly noticeable on a tall man who's already quite overweight.

Since then he's had so much trouble sticking to his diet and I kind of understand why. It's a very unsustainable diet for anyone, even me at 5'4 115lbs. Specifically, he eats Atkins and (before we started dating he said he ate 1200kcal a day). I don't really know how to breach the subject to him. I eat quite healthily and am more active than the average person so when we weren't long distance it was easy to help keep him on track. Now that I'm on the other side of the country, he's kind of on his own. I don't really know if I should be breaching this subject to him. He sends me snapchats of the food he eats during his break (very high carb and super unhealthy) and I don't really know what to do… Should I be asking him about his diet?

This one time he told me that he was still on atkins despite eating one high carb meal a day… he said that his body stays in ketosis still but i… don't think that really works. I've never been on Atkins but the (psuedo?)science that I understand is that you stop eating certain foods (sugar, carbs) and you won't crave them as much anymore… he's told me of days where he's binged on a bunch of food and feels sick and he ate a bunch of mints and threw up… so I don't really think he's doing well on the diet?

His entire family is overweight except for one sibling but he went on this diet years ago and now is maintaining a healthy BMI. He grew up with awful eating habits and, like all of his overweight siblings has inherited stress eating. I can't really relate to that, and I grew up eating pretty healthily and these habits have followed me even now as an adult.

I have no idea how to approach this subject… or even if I should? My boyfriend is a really lovely guy, he is very understanding but I'm still afraid of hurting his feelings. I really want him to be healthy but his disordered eating patterns are going to jeopardize that. I know he's gained even more weight than the initial 10-15lbs he did after the family incident. What do I do?

No. 60187

i read a lot of threads on /g/ and /ot/, and i noticed a trend: though a lot of people seem to have very difficult lives, claim to be unattractive and/or are in a very bad place mentally, they still have a (mostly long-term, compatible and supportive) significant other.

then there's me: i'm sociable, reasonably attractive and relatively well-adjusted (i'm able to make a living and take care of myself, i can conduct myself socially, i don't have any major mental or behavioural problems aside froma mild case of depression and ADD, and while i like weeby shit, i have other interests too). yet either only very problematic guys are attracted to me (NEETs, guys who can't hold down a job or who are still students in their late 20s etc.), or when i find someone i like i can't hold on to them. most of my relationships end at 6-month mark. i think i may be coming on too strong from happiness and scaring them away/smothering them, but i don't want to play hot-and-cold mindgames either. what do, farmers?

No. 60194

File: 1494373532561.png (81.36 KB, 400x300, spinster12.png)

i've just come to accept my spinster life.

No. 60196


i have no problem with being a spinster, except i need to have sex and one-night stands are not viable at this point.

No. 60197


IDK I'm 26 and a KHHV, once the depression and grieving ends it's not that bad. Just masturbate a lot.

No. 60198


dude no, i got good D for a few times and that shit leaves its mark on you.

No. 60205

Sorry for OT but how do you handle your ADD? It's wrecking my life and I'm a finance student who also wants to learn programming, I need things to be coherent and systematic but my notes are a hot mess and my handwriting is abysmal. I refuse to give up, but it's affecting me to a point where I physically cannot study for a long time and I sometimes forget to shower or wash my hair or even eat if I'm preoccupied with schoolwork. I've noticed that I have to try twice as hard as everyone else to get the same results, and I often forget what I learnt as soon as the exam is over. I took a class in Python but I needed to take notes because I just couldn't remember everything and the others in class laughed at me because 'if you can't remember basic code you shouldn't even bother'.

No. 60209

do not give a fuck about those losers and keep taking notes about everything. then summarize those notes in handwriting when you're studying for an exam. handwriting makes things easier to remember. also try mind mapping. work in 20-30 minute sprints and take 5-minute breaks in between. like actually set up an alarm to warn you. this way you can keep from getting hyperfocused and forgetting to eat etc. make lists and notes for everything, even the smallest stuff. if something doesn't work for you, seek for alternative methods. also if it's seriously hindering you, consider seeing a psychiatrist and going on medication. do not work with a psycho who will start you off with 3 ritalins a day, though.

also, don't dwell too much on it. yeah, it's a huge hindrance but the playing field is not as level as you think for other people. also mine gives me neat little "superpowers" like being aware of everything all the time since my mind never stops and being a quick thinker/acter since i'm incapable of doing shit slowly. an ADD brain can be very useful sometimes, find your own superpowers.

No. 60219

I dunno if there's really a solution to this, but I just kinda want to get it off my chest.
I have a fairly low libido due to medication, years of low self esteem, and just being more into 2D waifus and shit most of my life. I don't really feel bad about it, I jerk off about twice a month at most and it's done with. But my boyfriend of three years, well, he's normal. And I don't mind doing stuff for him but I know he wants to reciprocate and I feel guilty for never wanting anything. He's incredibly attractive to me, and the two of us have a great relationship thats been going on for 3 years. I just can't seem to enjoy anything sexual, and have been for years prior to us dating, save for the rare day here and there. Should I be worried? Is this related to my anxiety issues? Is something wrong with me? This is still going on even though I'm actually the most attractive and mentally stable I've ever been. I want to connect with him on this level better because it's the only area I feel we're lacking, and it's all my fault. He never complains but I know he deserves better.

No. 60239

Then learn to go without D, you can't have everything in life

No. 60245

This might be kinda dumb but have you gone on medication? Helps a ton. I felt kinda like I was being weak or something but once I went on it I realized how bad my ADD actually was lol. Maybe try adjusting your dosage too, I've moved it up and down plenty of times, it might make sense to increase it if you're in a situation with lots of work and stress. You can always bring it back down later. And if you've never been on it and try it, don't be super frustrated if it doesn't do much at first. The psychs I've seen all start you really low and slooooowly increase it, which is good for your health probably but can also be kind of frustrating when it feels like you're being overwhelmed by problems it's supposed to fix lol.
Besides that, I set lots of alarms on my phone and stuff, google calendar will send you reminders for events and can sync across platforms so that's really handy.
For the handwriting thing, I've switched to digitally taking notes (on laptop or phone) for that reason. I often re-write/summarize my notes while studying, like >>60209 suggested. Also use the book/professor notes, if they don't have any resources like that then your professor kind of sucks :( Python in particular has lots of good online resources tho, just try looking at the code documentation. If you want I can try and post some tips if you have more specific questions about it?
I used to forget to shower too, so I just started getting in the shower every morning. Good to have a regular schedule, even if I like fall asleep half the time in there and don't do much lol. At least I always know I'm mostly clean. Plus if you plan your morning with shower time, if you get distracted you can just skip it if you really need to.
Eating is really hard, especially with adderall. I try to regularly go to meals with friends, so they'll come and invite me and that stops me from totally forgetting, even if I don't end up eating that well. I try to always keep some easy to prepare food around (like microwave mac and cheese lol), even if it's horrible it's better than not eating I think, and even if I'm really unfocused I can at least manage preparing that. Or like, granola bars and stuff, those are good.
Oh and as a final note, talk to disability services if you haven't already! I got extra exam time; I often didn't even end up needing it, but there were several times where it was a lifesaver, and even when I didn't use it taking the exam while knowing that I had the time if I needed it made me much more relaxed and focused.

No. 60275

So I really really need advice because I've been struggling with this for a long time. Prepare for rant.

About 7 months ago my boyfriend of almost 3 years admitted infidelity to me about 5 months into our relationship. We weren't living together at the time but when he admitted it to me we had been living together for 4 months. I was incredibly suspicious previous to this because he had told me bits and pieces of what happened that night but never the full story. When we started dating he had a drug and alcohol problem which has been eliminated since we started living together. He told me that he was struggling with it because he was really drunk and on acid when it had occurred and he didn't remember anything (but he noticed what was basically evidence of sex the morning after). He said he remembered telling the girl that he had a girlfriend and didn't want to engage with her sexually but then blacked out. He said he was raped hit didn't want to tell me about it because he thought I wouldn't believe him and I would leave him.

I felt and still feel so betrayed for his lying but I do believe that men can be raped. I know he put himself in that position by become so inebriated but he loves me so much and has so much remorse. However I don't want him to feel guilty if he was genuinely sexually assaulted that night.

It has caused deep trust issues with me and I feel so guilty for putting that on him and I feel like any questions I have for him about that night are some kind of prejudice I have towards men being raped and it makes me feel horrible.

Any advice is appreciated. I have been hurting about this for so long and I just want to heal.

No. 60359

>It's all my fault
Stop right there. Nobody but you can answer if your libido is truly just your normal level or just currently affected by meds, but either way you aren't at fault for it. If you love him then it's understandable that you want to give him everything but at the same time if he loves you, he wouldn't want you hurting yourself or hating yourself to make it happen.

If you are worried, you can try things like increasing your exercise and doing heavy foreplay (either alone or together) or even speaking to a therapist or GP (meds normally affect libido so don't be embarrassed to speak to your doc) but in the mean time why don't you just talk to him a bit about how you feel?

No. 60901

lol anon are you me?

For the first 3 years of my relationship, we weren't so serious (still in high school) and I fully engaged in the sexual aspects of our romance. My libido was normal afaik. Fast forward to the last 3 years since graduation, we've moved cities, worked full time jobs, started post-secondary etc. I don't know if it's all these adult/life stresses but I've completely lost all interest in anything remotely sexual. For the last few months, I've only masturbated to entertain my boyfriend because I can't even bring myself to pleasure him directly like with a bj or whatever. It's not a lack of attraction to my partner, it's literally just anxiety, stress, self-esteem issues. I think. I do feel weird and guilty about it idk.

My bf also doesn't complain, he's supportive and patient. But I feel like i'm pushing my dysfunctionality onto him since he has no choice but to live with me being sexually unavailable. It's weird having the dilemma of being a crappy partner.

No. 60916


This is gonna need something deeper than Internet advice Anon… It sounds like he also has lasting regret that has nothing to do with you. If you ignore this, it'll come back to haunt you both as sexual trust issues. My first advice is to come clean about this feeling to reaffirm to him that you love him, but it does hurt you. I would break it to him at a relaxed time or before you become intimate… Because then the next time you have sex, it'll haunt you. If you can't bring yourself to bring it up, seek a neutral third party (therapist) to help you guys sort it out. Because you live together, the dynamic is way different now; you'll have to see him all the time and you'll need to be secure before it starts to get to you.

No. 61008

>I don't remember anything!
>Except that I clearly told a specific woman that I had a girlfriend

Sure, ok.

No. 61314

>went on birth control specifically so I could have sex with boyfriend, after we talked about it
>haven't had sex after 4 months
>he assures me it's nothing
It doesn't feel like it's nothing.

No. 61315

Birth control do that. Is it that your libido has gone down? Have you tried switching contraception?

No. 61332

sounds like he's not wanting to either.

No. 61352

It's not hormones-related and my libido is still where it was before.

This is the problem. I brought it up with him a month ago, but nothing came of it. At first, I figured he was just waiting for the right time. Now I don't know what to think.

No. 61356

I have been in a relationship for almost 6 years.
My partner recently told me that he is too tired of the cycle of being in love/getting angry of the relationship. He told me he thinks he is too selfish for me and that that's breaking my heart.
He says he loves me too much to end the relationship, but he is too tired to keep trying. My heart is aching because the 'bad' things of the relationship are pretty stupid that can be fixed, but I don't see effort from his side. I want to help him so he can see how easily we can fix this, but he won't listen.

No. 61357

Do you think he might be depressed? Sounds kind of like how I was in my relationship before I got therapy and got meds.

No. 61365

Yes, he is. He recently dropped out of University because he was stressed from it. He is really happy with his job tho, but I know that he has been really stressed and not happy with our relationship. He told me that I was not the problem and he thinks that he is. I feel it's just half and half you know, but I don't mind trying to fix our issues, he is a lovely person. But something in my head is telling my to drop him because he is stubborn to make any effort.

No. 61373

I'm just about at my wits end here.

It's late and I'm tired and emotional so I am so sorry for the giant emotional wall of text I am going to dump right now.

I have been with my husband for just over 10 years and I am starting to break.

We are old fags, in our 30s, and I've known him for essentially a third of my life. I keep hoping it will get better but I am starting to finally lose hope.

I'm a stubborn asshole. When I want to have someone in my life, I usually do whatever it takes, but for the first time I am really starting to doubt my ability to stay in this relationship. It sucks because if it ends, it is going to be so messy. It's going to be so bad I can honestly say I will never want to date another man again after this.

He recently lost his job due to a really… strange series of events that left him helpless legally. He has been out of work for just over a month, but here's the thing. He is just so depressed he has essentially given up.

I got home today after working my typical 9 hour shift (a busy one at that) and literally filled out job applications FOR him while he watched cartoons.

I would be more understanding if this was a rare thing, but he cannot. hold. a job. Like, ever. Since we started dating when he was young, he was very immature. I helped him out essentially throughout our entire relationship, and embarrassingly enough my family did too at points early on. He has gotten fired from 4 jobs in the last 10 years, 3 instances being his fault.

It sucks because a lot of it is due to his family and how he was raised. His mom and brother are those awful "I can do no wrong" kinds of people who talk big but can't deliver. His dad was verbally and physically abusive/absent during his childhood. He had drug problems which I think did some serious brain damage, because he just simply cannot… function like a normal person?

He is in his 30s but can barely read and can't write well at all. I don't even know how he graduated high school. He has emotional problems and anger problems and takes everything so goddam personally and thinks the whole world is out to get him.

The shitty thing is… when things are good, my life feels complete. Despite all his faults, he is the only person I have ever met, friend and s/o-wise, who has ever truly known me, accepted me, and loved me, through thick and thin. He is there for me emotionally 99% of the time. He will always do anything he can for me and generally brings out the best in me.

But during these lows, fuck. It's hard for me to not feel like I would rather be dead sometimes. That sounds like such an exaggeration but my heart feels like it hurts so much during times like this.

We just had another fight, we have had so many bad ones over so many stupid things since he lost his job. I was irritated at him and tired from the day and hot from the summer heat and I said a little mean thing. He is so stupid sometimes. When looking at applications he has been sending, they are full of typos, incorrect formatting, missing information. He is so impatient he doesn't ever bother to do things right. I tell him that might be why no one called him back. He gets so butthurt. The thing I just snapped at him at, where he unknowingly knocked something over and made a mess, that hurt his feelings, which turned into him saying he hates how I always xyz. He typically says I "always" about everything which I hate so much, since it just feels hurtful and pointless. He speaks without thinking when we argue most of the time, it's only when he calms down that he is more considerate, due to his anger issues.

We have had so many bad fights. He has not been faithful either, many years ago, and I am wondering if he is acting on feelings for others still. I can't trust him, which I know is death for a relationship. He lies a lot about little things too, because his dad was a liar and he learned from the best. I rarely believe a thing he says anymore.

When he has a job, things are great. He is a very hard worker. But as soon as work drama happens, he lets it affect him. He was doing so good though with his recent job. He had finally went to school, got a good paying job, and then he lost it in the most ridiculous of ways that for the first time WASN'T his fault… and now living with him feels insufferable, even though it was just a short period of time.

Everything is such a mess. I'm such a mess. Because he has a lot of debt from school, he only has about $200 in his account after his last paycheck. He has no savings. He also has no concept of savings thanks to his mother being terrible with money and also babying him and never giving him any responsibilities financially.

I don't have the money to live on my own. I also don't have an option to move back with my parents. I love him so much, but fuck this is getting to be so hard. All the issues were finally melting away since he finally had a job. He even was planning for the future, planning on going on to higher avenues of success in the same field, how he wanted to support me financially so I didn't have to work so hard. Finally pay me back for the near decade I had supported him for most of the time…

Now we are back and square one and I feel like my body is physically rejecting this. I don't know what to fucking do. If we break up and he leaves, I can't cover my rent. Everything I was looking forward to in our future together is gone.

This is such a mess. I already know the answer. Break up. Just cut it off now before I get more hurt. If I stay with him, it's just going to keep being my fault I am enabling this. He was doing so fucking well, things were improving, all that waiting for things to click into place was finally feeling worth it, but here we are. I have to bottle feed this fucking baby to get him to apply to jobs. He says he does while I am at work but he barely spends any time on it and watches fucking tv and plays on his phone most of the day. Spending money on eating out because he is too depressed to care about having to think about money for bills. I just… I don't know how to break through to him. It's not my job, I know. I am digging my own grave, I know. But fuck, I wish there was just one way for him to fucking grow up that didn't come at the expense of breaking up. To get over his daddy issues, anger issues, stop being a manchild, be more responsible financially, chore-wise, be less of a douche, and act his fucking age. But he just doesn't get it how matter how I put it, nicely or neutrally or mean.

This is so all over the place. I'm so sorry. I'm so frustrated and tired and this is more like a vent but fuck. 10 years… I really want us to be able to fix this, we both want to. But I have no idea how to begin finding the way anymore.

No. 61376

are all/many guys 'grabby' during sex? i've only ever been with my husband, but i've noticed like, during it, he likes to grip my hip/butt fat

on that note, are women like that too?

No. 61377

My current relationship is really losing steam

and besides I got some cool new husbandos

No. 61385

Depends on the guy. Had a couple flings with guys who did that too, didn't really like that because I felt fat. My current boyfriend only strokes and is really gentle and sometimes slaps my ass but doesn't grab. I do grab his ass and other body parts thou.

No. 61388

It sounds like you're his mother, not his wife. You shouldn't have to coddle him into getting a job like that. It's pathetic. I wish you the best anon. Divorce isn't the worst thing in the world.

No. 61413

Perhaps he has changed his mind since you decided to have sex, and he no longer wants to.

If he's NEET, how much is he contributing?

My current partner is kinda "grabby" but also strokes me a lot. When he's grabby, he grabs my whole body at once, not just individual parts. I like it.

No. 61424

I was really obsessed with some guy, but was never in a position to talk to him because of insecurity/anxiety/whatever. And there was also some lady who was a co-worker of his, but I never gave her a second thought because I thought she was older than him, already had a kid from a previous relationship, and wasn’t pretty etc etc. I sort of stalked his Facebook for like months until one day I found that he and that woman were in a relationship. I was upset, but somehow that didn’t stop me from thinking that I could still have a chance in the future. I kept telling myself all sorts of dumb shit like he’s too young to be a stepdad it won’t last, and just being delusional. Then much later I found her instagram and found that she was pregnant by him, and I literally cried for hours (I was PMSing hard this day, so that probably had a hand in it). That was 2 years ago, and ever since that day I never again looked at any of his profiles and tried to stop thinking about him.

the weird thing is that he’s the only guy I’ve ever reacted like this towards. most of the time I’m grossed out by men. it sounds so stupid and cliche, but i’m afraid i’ll never feel this way about someone else. up till now, i haven’t found anyone, even in picture, that i would feel the same towards and that kind of worries me. I have turned down 3 people who have asked me out, and I feel weird about it because like.. who am i even waiting for? I feel like this is how it is, and I’ll probably have to settle for someone I’m not 100% attracted to in the end.
And FYI, this particular guy wasn’t supermodel attractive or anything, he was quite normal. i just liked everything about him, including his interests, beliefs, background, even his family.

No. 61459


How often were you two having sex before? If he was hesitant before and is still hesitant now, it might be something else… Can you elaborate?

No. 61489

My bf tends to call things I like stupid and acts as if it's the most horrible things ever, I get if he doesn't have an interest in my interest but is a guy calling the things that you like awful a red flag?

No. 61493

Absolutely. A kind, loving partner should never tear you down like that. They should encourage and support you and your interests/hobbies - and even if they're not the biggest fan of it, for whatever reason, it should never be used as an excuse to verbally abuse you.

No. 61495

He wants to do ass play, he really is turned on by anything ass. I don't mind doing to him, like putting a finger or a toy up there. But he wants me to eat it like groceries. He also wants to eat my like groceries, I'm not turned off or anything but I don't feel comfortable. He promises he'll be gentle and I can stop whenever, but I feel so bad, and I get a bit paranoid that'll hate me if I do that.

No. 61497

Incoming blog post.

I feel very conflicted and tired about my relationship. Ultimately, like I made a mistake, but I'm too far in to do anything about it. I had an almost perfect life before – I was living in an adorable, upscale apartment, making decent money, and then I threw it all away for what I thought was a "perfect" guy. He made me feel wanted and that we were compatible sexually. He also made it seem like he was rich but I was actually making more money than him, I later found out. I didn't really know that he was just toying with me at the time and later he actually developed feelings for me and it turned into a real relationship. We were LDR for about a year and a half and then I moved in with him. I sold all my furniture and went through a big hassle with my job and got them to let me work at home. I ending up losing contact with my friends. One of which who now hates me.

I act as a housewife in that I cook and clean for him in exchange for not paying rent. This is a lot of work in conjunction with my full-time job as he needs to eat every two-three hours. I pay about $500/mo. for groceries.

Now that I live with him, and it's been about a year now, we fight constantly. He finds talking to girls on 4chan "fun" – he likes to get affection from them, have them fall in love with him until he gets bored, use them, whatever. This includes getting nudes. I obviously have a huge problem with this. I'm afraid it's making me crazy or BPD. I will have huge outbursts of jealously. I categorize this as cheating; he does not. In the past, he has complained about me to other girls, which I feel crosses the line, even moreso than the casually talking to other thing.

The other day, we were going out to dinner and he was taking forever to get ready. I saw him in the bathroom talking to some girl on Discord and I found that really disrespectful since he was holding us up talking to some girl. He even joked, "You didn't see my messages, right?" Then he sent a message on Discord saying, "she doesn't even know <3 oops wrong window!" Is he doing this to antagonize me? Then he continued to talk to her at dinner over kik.

It's not like I'm ugly, I'm pretty cute and I'm thin. I am older than these girls, but he's almost 30 and I'm 26. I take care of him and risked a lot coming here. Am I wrong to not want to put up with this?

Please advise a bit more than "dump immediately and leave." It would take a bit of work for me to leave.

No. 61498

Typos, sorry

*the casually talking to other girls thing

*Then he sent a message TO ME on Discord saying,

No. 61499

Dump him immediately and leave. Seriously, you're not going to salvage this. He clearly has no respect whatsoever for you, play with you. What are getting from this? Not even free rent ffs, he's treating you like his personal maid.
Start saving if you don't have enough to move right now, but you need to leave. It's probably going to get even worse with time.
You're 26, you're still young. Leave before he turns you crazy and bitter.

No. 61500

Girl wake up! Wtf are you doing with him?!

No. 61501

You fucked up the moment when you tried to have a serious relationship with someone from 4chan.

No. 61502

Well, he does pay rent though. The agreement upon moving in was I WOULD be his personal maid in order not to pay rent, so that's my own fault. I guess the amount I pay for groceries is almost equal to rent in some places.

I already do feel really resentful and bitter, so that's unfortunate. I want to save but I had a fainting spell before I moved and my savings are a bit drained from hospital bills. I'm a wreck, anon.

I don't know, I really used to love him.

Where did I say I know him from 4chan?

No. 61504

He talks to women from 4chan so I'm assuming he met her the same way.

No. 61505

What kind of food are you eating that requires you to pay 500 a month for two people?

No. 61506

We buy a bunch of local meat. It wasn't on the table when I moved in, but it's something he started doing a month or so after I moved in.

No. 61507

What the fuck, Anon.
Please, please listen to your friends. Leave that complete fuck up of a person. You don't deserve that horrible pain. There is no way to help him. Please move out to your own place, and cut off all contact.

No. 61508

>a month after I moved in
Not offense but Wow how dumb are you?hes obviously taking advantage of you and using you for expensive food and house cleaning while her fucks around with other women.

No. 61509

Maybe start drawing a time-line about getting yourself out of there. Set the amount you can save per week/month, check how much it would cost to move. Can friends or family help you, money wise, lend you a little?
I know it's hard to leave, it seems easier to mend what's already here but he sounds like a total ass. You're probably going to regret it if you waste years with him, he cheats on you the whole time ('cause yeah, he's cheating) and set your life back. You deserve better than to be a maid waifu he can't even show respect to.

No. 61511

>he needs to eat every two-three hours

Damn girl you're like the mother of a new born baby. I hope he slangs the dick good because damn you're fucking up.

No. 61512

He's yelling at me rn because he thinks I misplaced a Sharpie, lmao. He was the last one who even used it.

As for the food, well, someone recommended it to him around that time and he wants to stop putting unnecessary growth hormones into body, but yeah, I see where you're coming from.

I can always move back into my family's house but that feels shameful. I've always thought in my back of my mind that I will move back home at the end of year if something bad happens or if things don't change. My money situation is not where I'd like it to be, but I do have an okay support network at work and at home.

Thanks for the advice everyone.

No. 61513

Then tell his broke ass to pay for it if he's worried about health. Swallow your pride and move home. Take this as a lesson learned never to give up anything in life unless the you're married to the man.

No. 61514

Don't wait too long, ok? There's no shame in leaving a bad relationship. You seem level-headed, I'm sure you're going to bounce back in no time.

No. 61515

Holy shit, what a useless and disgusting kid. Please go to your parents, they will understand. It's not shameful you made a mistake. Mistake happen and it's not your fault that it all went so bad.

No. 61525

are you retarded

No. 61544


Can I ask why you decided to shack up with a dude you aren't married to while having your own place to stay?

What does a guy say to you that makes you just up and leave a perfect set-up?

No. 61546

We were in a long-term relationship, he offered free rent (please understand that I was under the assumption that groceries would not be $500/mo. at that time but more like $200 or so), and there was also an ultimatum that he would find and move another girl in if I didn't (this is embarrassing to say outloud) and he also said I wasn't taking the relationship seriously.

No. 61547

LDR are not real, anon. please take this as a lesson for that.

No. 61549

We visited each other in person every month, but I know what you mean. Honestly, I preferred being LDR with this guy because being his mother is really awful.

No. 61552

Is this guy at least hot?

No. 61556


>and there was also an ultimatum that he would find and move another girl in if I didn't (this is embarrassing to say outloud) and he also said I wasn't taking the relationship seriously.

If he was willing to threaten you with another girl you should have just let him go. I mean it's too late now but yeesh, red flags everywhere

No. 61558

no kidding. pretty awful thing to do, threaten to end the relationship to get you to change. nothing about that is healthy

No. 61561

We weren't having sex at all before.

No. 61562

>I guess the amount I pay for groceries is almost equal to rent in some places.
You can leave if you save up. He's tying to financially exhaust you so you cannot leave.

No. 61563

>I can always move back into my family's house but that feels shameful.
It's not shameful. Move back home. The sooner you get out, the sooner you'll be living in your own place again.

No. 61568

ugh, never let someone hold money over you in a relationship. thats more of a roommate thing, like being short on your part of rent or something.. but a relationship is about support, and if it was agreed that you would take care of some things and they are, then there is no need to start bitching about shit.

that was a situation i was in for years, not having a job or having something part time but i never made enough, and when i wasnt working, i never did enough to make up for the fact that i wasnt bringing in as much as my ex. the love was gone. it was always an argument about how i could do better around the apartment. the floors were never clean, i left a cup in the sink and so that meant i never did the dishes enough. the food i cooked was never good enough, despite having culinary training.
he was also chatting up other chicks, sexting and sending and requesting nudes all the time. he even tried to hook us up with swingers in the area without me knowing.

your bf sounds awful and has little respect for your or your relationship.

No. 61575

Right. I have the money, I guess, but it makes saving hard. And it wasn't what we agreed upon on moving in so it's frustrating.

Do you think your ex had a sex addiction? Sometimes I wonder about mine. That swinger thing hits a nerve… My bf is really interested in threesomes, and because I did it a few times, now he thinks that I can't not do it again. But my jealous is so high, I feel insecure about doing anything with another girl.

No. 61576


It sounds like he has an issue about sex/penetration that might be hard to approach. If he's caring for you in many other ways of your relationship but the sex isn't coming along, it might be a personal issue. I think you're right to question it.

Most people feel that sex with their partner is a natural and healthy form of expression, and if he's not taking it there with you, it certainly seems like something else is lingering in his mind. I would first try to initiate things explicitly like, definitely try to start with him – and if he's not interested or just moving because he has to, I would try to talk it out with him if you guys are communicating well esp. if it's a longer-than-4-months relationship.

No. 61580


Where you two virgins or sexually inexperienced prior to dating one another?

Maybe he's scared of pregnancy or it's like what >>61576 is saying

No. 61594

He might have a sex addiction; either way, he's not respecting you or your relationship. It seems like he's trying to make saving money hard, and he doesn't want you to have the means to leave.

Thank you. Neither of us are virgins, but we're also not super experienced. I've talked to him a bit about it, but nothing has come of it. He's probably not scared of pregnancy; the BC method I chose was something we both talked about and we liked that it was especially effective.
He always sidetracks me when we get intimate, and positions me so I can't do things for him. He makes sure I get off, and makes it impossible for me to reciprocate, though I've expressed a sincere desire to do so. Whenever I try to do anything about this, he kind of resists in a playful way, but he really is much bigger than me so there's not much I can do, and I don't want to force him into anything that makes him uncomfortable. I feel stuck because I have to be assertive to even get a chance to get him off, but that's not what turns him on at all (it doesn't come naturally to me, but I really like to make him feel good). If I'm pinned down moaning, he's rock hard, but the moment I try to do anything it goes away. We've talked a bit about technique, and he's been telling me more what he likes, slowly, which I really appreciate. It took time to get to that point and it's a relatively new development. He's always been very patient with me, and I am happy to be patient with him, because I care about his feelings, but not knowing what's going on is hard and it turns me into a crazy person full of self-doubt. I know he's making an effort to communicate more with me (instead of just listening, which he's really good at) so I'm doing my best to listen and encourage him to keep doing that. If he needs to go slowly with that, it's okay. I guess I'll keep trying to expand communication with him so he can become more comfortable talking to me about that sort of thing, and I'll try to express more clearly that I'd rather he not be so very selfless when we fool around. He seems like he's willing to work through it with me, but that he has a hard time opening up with intimacy.

No. 61616

Anon maybe he's gay?

No. 61624

Probably not? I suppose it's possible.

No. 61650

>If I'm pinned down moaning, he's rock hard, but the moment I try to do anything it goes away.

This just sounds like erectile dysfunction to me. He's obviously attracted to you if the moaning gets him hard and he's obviously capable of an erection, but something psychological kills the mood when it comes down to sex. It sounds situational, like the actual physical act of penetration is what ruins it for him.

> he has a hard time opening up with intimacy

If he struggles with communication and intimacy then that kind of thing can cause anxiety, which is a big cause of sexual dysfunction.

Maybe sex therapy would help?

No. 61684

Yeah perhaps there is performance anxiety. For now, I think I'll keep trying to get him more comfortable doing things, as he's demonstrated that he's okay with that and will work with me. I made him cum exactly once ever, so I know it's possible. But I think some gentle encouragement and working together is needed.

No. 61805

how do I know if my boyfriend is cheating on me?

No. 61806

Has he complained about anything consistently over your relationship? Does he seem distant? More importantly, does he seem like somethings wrong? He could be battling guilty feelings which is a 100% giveaway.

No. 61808

Hmm. This is a tricky situation. Guys sometimes tend to do things similar to this when something is wrong in their life. He's probably stressed or is concerned with something. I think it would be best if you reached out to him and talked things out, be as supportive as possible, nothing pleases a guy more when someone truly cares for him. He could be thinking that you're being distant, or that somethings wrong on your end and he wants to give you space, who knows. Communication is key.

No. 61811

Hm. I would still recommend sitting him down and having a serious talk. Be direct and confident, ask him what's wrong. Speculating can only harm. Then again, he might be feeling neglected. Guys need just as much attention and validation as gals do.

No. 61813

Men find it hard to open up sometimes. You'll have to be persistent i think. Try to be as gentle and comforting as possible, try not to get frustrated. Attempt to do some special stuff for him, maybe take him out to his favorite place or something. It'll have 1 of two effects.

1. He feels loved and opens up to you, fixing the problem

2. He feels guilty about cheating (If he is) and either comes clean or breaks it off.

Both ways provide an excellent opportunity to solve the problem.

No. 61815

Have you expressed these concerns to him?

No. 61817

There's a few potential reasons.

He could've been tired and he felt like it would be easier to lie instead of potentially getting into a conversation about what he was actually doing or w/e

He could be doing something you disapprove of (Not necessarily cheating)

There's a myriad of reasons. How long have you two been together? I'm sure if you've been the best you can be and if he hasn't made it obvious something is wrong previously then he wouldn't be cheating. The best bet is to wait until he wakes up, and try not to think about it. Overthinking causes a whole bunch of issues.

No. 61818

a few years, this is the first time I ever had something like this happen, besides him going somewhere and refusing to tell me, which is fine if he wants to keep stuff to himself, it's just WHY he needs to lie or refuse to tell me things that concern me

I'm not saying he is cheating, but it is suspicious, I know if he does that it may not be cheating, but it is suspicious considering he goes to bars a lot and tells me about when girls try to get with him, what else could he be doing talking to someone late at night that he doesnt want me, his girlfriend to know about?

No. 61819


I think you're otherthinking this, it's probably something super simple, like he was talking to a friend or something. I doubt he's cheating on you, the best course of action is to wait until he wakes up and sus it out then. Vent here if you need to, but try not to think about it too much.

No. 61896

I don't really need advice but feel free to give it. I just need a spot to vent where my boyfriend can't find it (he doesn't know this site exists, probably doesn't know what an lolcow is).

So my bf and i live together and have been fighting a lot lately. After the last one we made up and talked things out and i told him i was feeling lonely because he just kinda plays video games all day. Since he's on mic with friends it's not like i can really hang out with him while he's playing and i don't like the same games he does so playing together isn't an option (and he never plays games I like). Even when i'd come in just to give him a kiss or give him a soda or something i'd like have to stand there waiting for a thank you and he'd just say nothing until he realized that's why i didn't leave yet.

So i told him all of this and he apologized because he hadn't even realized he was doing it.

Now next part is my fault: He went out with a friend to pick up weed (legal here) so i didn't have to drive (He can't drive for health reasons) and we were gonna hang out when he got back but i fell asleep and slept all day until he went to bed. My fault.

But not only did he go spend the night at his friend's house last night (The same ones he plays video games with anyway all the time) to play video games in the same room, but he's staying another night tonight.

Granted he said if i want him to come home he will but i really don't wanna be the one to ruin his fun. If he wants to come home and spend time with me i don't want to be the one to ask him to..

This hurts because before he told me he was staying the night yesterday i told him i'd make dinner. So i've had dinner in a crockpot all night because i didn't want to eat it alone. I reminded him of it today, hours later he tels me he's staying the night again. So cool. I only made it because it's something he likes so i'm like about to just throw it out in anger (but might just send him back over with it since he's stopping by to pick up clothes).

I'm like trying not to be paranoid thinking he wants to leave me and this is just the first step to it because I don't think that's what he's doing, but fuck i'm still upset about it and still scared its going to happen.

I'd just invite my friends over but our apartment is disgustingly messy (Like it's gonna take a week to clean it alone) and the only friend who probably would have a sleepover with me is out of town for a funeral (So i can't even text her and talk to her about it because i'm not gonna bother her with my problems with that going on).

Thanks for the vent guys. I feel a little better.

No. 61911

Your top priority should be not living in a pigsty. I don't care what other problems you think you may have, but not taking care of yourself to the point of becoming a shameful pig is the first thing you ought to change. Have some self-respect.

No. 61914

Lordy fuck what is it with anons being so harsh in these types of threads lately.
Ffs obviously her problems are bigger than worrying about how her self-respect appears low to an internet stranger at the moment.

And I love that there's no mention of the bf cleaning in your post, as if he didn't contribute to at least half of the presumed mess. Meanwhile he gets to party and you deem it fit to make a punching bag out of op for being too upset in an unfair situation to clean. Ridiculous.

No. 61916

Her self-respect is low regardless of anyone witnessing it or not. And it is an important thing in her life, as it is an integral part of self-love.

Her bf cleaning or not is also secondary to her self-care. If she cared for herself enough, she wouldn't let herself live in a pigsty, period. If her bf is part of the reason that place is a pigsty, she should dump bf because he is hindering her, and living like a human being is more important and preferable to living like a pig with another pig.

No. 61917

>If she cared for herself enough, she wouldn't let herself live in a pigsty

Yeah you need to fuck off and take these bullshit blanket statements out with your autism.

No. 61919

She's so ashamed of what her place looks like, she can't call her friends to come over even though she's lonely.

She, unlike you, has enough shame and awareness about her situation.

Sadly, she has more respect towards those other people than towards herself. She wouldn't subject them for a few hours to what she subjects herself day after day.

No. 61920

It doesn't mean she should beta out and clean up that pigsty by herself.
You're the type of person who's obviously never lived with a messy bf, relative, or child and felt that kind of burnout. Count your lucky stars and consider that the way she feels about herself, including that cleaning situation, is directly due to the bf being absent from this picture.

He needs to come back and be present for that anon, as well as for his share of the cleaning.

And my apartment is clean, tramp.

No. 61964

This is more of a question for advice in case anything like this occurs, which it almost did:

How do you girls feel if your boyfriend wanted to go to the strip club with friends?

My bf was asked recently by his bros to go to a bar and then a strip club. He asked me for my opinion, and I told him straight forward that while it is his choice, it would hurt my feelings, to which he said that he understands because he would feel uncomfortable with me being a stripper for other dudes. Cool.

Fast forward to today, same bros told him they were only going to the strip because it was their friend's bachelor party. I asked him if they told him that on that day would he go. He said if it was a friend he liked then he would. Now in this case, I decided to let it slide but on that occasion his friends were all getting lap dances too.

I already let the stripper thing slide, but I really don't wanna know that my boyfriend is getting a private lap dance from a stripper. And his friends are at that age where they might be getting married in the near future.

Am I crazy for not wanting him to get a lap dance. Please let me know, I'm normally an insecure and shay jealous girl, and I wanna not-be like that. Thank you !

No. 61966

Anon i feel you handled that really well - i wouldnt have even had the strength to tell my bf it was his choice, i probably would have flipped right out!

So I totally understand where you're coming from. It's not unreasonable, getting a lapdance etc is genuinely disrespectful to you. He probably doesnt want to pull out of the event with his friends but if he really values you, I think he would respect your wishes.

I really don't think it's insecure/jealous looking if you tell him that's disrespectful and would hurt you, at all. Anyone would feel that way, I imagine he'd feel the same about you.

Let me know what happens anon <3

No. 61967

anon I have a buttman too! Doesn't like his being touched, but loves everything to do with mine, including the fine dining. Have you told him that you're not too comfortable with it? Also have you done it to a guy before? What is it that makes you feel weird about it?

No. 61968

i've been there too. it fucking sucks. the best advice i can give you is i swear to god you absolutely will find someone else, i swear on everything that you will. it's inevitable.

I advise you to either stop looking at his social media, or look at it enough to HATE him. I did that and it totally worked, no lie.

I also cried in the shower a lot, so maybe give that a try too.

No. 61969

i have been in his position before, it does sound like pure depression talking. Stubbornness especially. Have you really sat down (or I find this most comforting in bed) and told him that you're with him through thick and thin, whether he feels like a burden or not? That it can be stressful to be together, but that you love him and the two of you are more than capable of toughing it out if he believes in you, and his love for you? Don't let what he said hurt your heart too much. Those are cutting words but I've said the exact same thing on days when i've forgotten to take my meds for a while. Sometimes it feels like saying stinging words will change something… that's the way I can describe it. He needs to know that him pushing you away hurts more than any little relationship bump ever will.

No. 61970

anon, this happened to me before, 6 month dry spell, because he actually had a bad spell with phimosis. not saying the answer is he has a sore dick for sure but honestly it made such an impact and actually upset him a lot too. maybe you need to have a proper talk about it and tell him it seems a bit strange, if he refuses to open up about it you can probably tell him it's making you feel pretty shit.

No. 61980

So, my bf has been liking fb pages of erotic models with huge boobs and lots of tats (I have no ink whatsoever) for a while and I don't know how to take it, it annoys me but some friends say I'm getting bothered for nothing, since boys we'll be boys and shit. Another friend told me to start liking pages of hot guys to get a reaction from him, but I find that too much immature. I haven't talked with him yet. How do I do the approach?

No. 61988

He does it on his facebook, so all his friends can see it? Honestly, even if he was single that sounds nasty af fam, talk to him and ask him to just put that shit in a fap folder and don't advertise it to all his friends.

I mean you just gotta bite the bullet and ask about it.

Idk I'm petty as hell.

Tell him to stop and it's an ultimatum. If he says no start flirting with guys on the internet. Install tinder on your phone, swipe yes to lots of dudes and text them. Maybe send a couple of nudes, and say it's just for fun, it's not cheating. Just start moving on from him now. Make fun of how your boyfriend doesnt even know, and maybe "accidentally" send him a message saying "lol your's is bigger than my bf's" or smth.

Also, start thinking about how to get out of there, find a plan as to how you can move out.
This is never going to work out.

No. 62008

Thank you. We talked about it some. It turns out I really don't know what I'm doing, and that is a factor. He says he doesn't mind, which I guess is good, but I still do mind. We are working on it.

No. 62009

Uhm, I just feel dirty, personally. I tried telling him, and he's understandable, which is good. I don't want to tell him "Because I personally feel dirty" though, it seems like a fucking childish reason. And No I've never done anything

No. 62014

Honestly your boyfriend sounds like a creep, and it seems he is immature and doesn't respect you. The fact he is publically liking this shit is almost a slap in the face to you. Basically telling everyone you aren't desirable enough. You have a right to feel hurt, because he is being hurtful. If he doesn't realize that, then his lack of self-awareness is outstanding.

No. 62022

Letting him look at other women like that especially publicly is letting him disrespect you. You deserve better, tell him to cut it out.
The hot guys approach is immature but if you think he would kick up a fuss over that then he should respect how you feel.

No. 62023

It sounds like generic advice but seriously leave at all costs. Do anything you can to leave. This isn't worth it and the longer you stay, the worse the damage will become on your self esteem. He clearly doesn't respect you.

No. 62028

>mfw this makes me so mad to read esp since I caught my bf chatting with lewd girls recently as well

Btw–why does he have to eat every 2-3 hours? Does he have a medical condition?
Anyway anon, just confront him about it.
This is a form of cheating, albeit more emotional.

The worst that happens is you begin the breakup process, and would it be so different? There's animosity between you.
Don't let him brush this off.
Don't let him tell you that it's in your head.
State the ultimatum.
If he gives you shit, I'm sorry to say, but brainstorm ways to leave.

No. 62044


So he's lying to and emotionally abusing other women, and you're just… okay with this? Fuck, you're both pieces of shits.

No. 62054

Where do I say I'm okay with that? Come on, anon.

No. 62057

Confused. He's not the type to do that. I just wouldn't know what to say.

No. 62058

Ugh god. Does anyone else have a bisexual male partner? He always talks about wanting to be fucked by guys and how he wants real penis (yes after pegging him). Wtf does he expect from me? I'm not gonna let you cheat on me?! Wtf!
Even if I'm just tired and say "how about joining a swingers club?" He doesn't want that either? God damn it frustrates me.

No. 62076

100% he's going to cheat. Leave before you get AIDS.

No. 62079

Tell him it makes you uncomfortable. Ask him if he would rather be in a poly relationship. If the answer is yes, leave (unless you want that ofc).

No. 62080

I had a bi boyfriend once who got pissed ans dumped me because I told him it wasn't cool to cheat on me with a guy. He said that I "didn't understand being bisexual." Kek Like you can't be bi unless your with two different sexes at the same time? Sounds like some poly shit to me, really. Needless to say, I was 100% fine with that and we remained distant friends after. I'm pretty sure he's been with only dudes since.

No. 62084

I have this same fear he is going to end up cheating. It's like he wants me to allow it and get "the best of both worlds". I didn't think this was par for the course when I starting going out with him and being bisexual. It never really seemed fair to me. I think there is a difference between being bisexual and being extremely selfish. I just got a selfish one it seems like, I'll talk to him tonight. We'll see how it goes

No. 62086

He doesn't want you, just dump him and find someone who does.

No. 62107

Insecure as fuck and that's why I'm looking for guys in their late 20s early 30s.
I've had enough bs and don't want to feel like their mom.

sage cause I'm replying to a 5 month old comment

No. 62127


Thank you anons, is the first time something like this happened. I asked him yesterday about those fb pages and it seemed like he wasn't even aware of it. Idk if someone from his office liked the pages to "prank" him or whatever, I'm going to believe him on this. I feel kind of dumb feeling so uncomfortable he hasn't disliked them yet.


Is a horrible feeling when your own bf tells you how you aren't enough for him. It's not worth it anon, you should dump him. I'm sure you can find a better guy. I don't think open relationships work well, if he ever catches something, you'll be getting it for sure.

No. 62200

You fucked up when you tried to have a relationship with a man who is bisexual.

No. 62277

I'm having a date for the first time in 3 years and I'm afraid my autism might ruin everything. The guy is cute and has a really nice body (although he doesn't know I found his Instagram lmao I just wanted to check if his profile on Tinder is real or fake). Can someone give me tips for dates? I'm 100% sure I'm going to be nervous because I find him very attractive.

No. 62302

This is going to sound a little coy but how do you girls soften your boyfriends during a fight? when mine gets spiteful or shouty, only in retrospect does he realize he's gone too far and apologize- Are there any little girly things one can do to just…you know, make your SO realize "fuck, I love this girl, I've hurt her, I should apologize when I've calmed"

Mine takes a while sometimes and it becomes a silence war of who apologizes first and if I do, he doesn't learn if it's something he's done wrong

spoiler: The argument was over something he did wrong because he lashed out at me so I've just gone quiet on my end to try calm down. I want him to approach when he's calm and everything but….some of you lot, teach me your witchcraft, I swear.

No. 62306

I know, but I wish he'd give it up and soften. He hates admitting when he's wrong til days later and we're long distance. I can only really just wait for him to text and stop swearing at me or bitching about me.

No. 62309


Most of the time he's the most reliable and caring partner in the world, but he's been stressed lately and I try to forgive him, I do agree I wish he'd quit it though, he's said himself he needs to be less spiteful

I'm just going to wait for him to text, he started this, why should I approach first? I don't want to feel weak

No. 62324

I usually just give myself and him space. Nobody can think right when they are angry. It does something physiologically, and until you cool down, the anger will not go away. I generally just leave. I say "I love you and I want to talk to you, but I need to calm down first" and then I go.

No. 62346

File: 1496674557511.gif (915.33 KB, 500x282, cb9.gif)

>Boyfriend still hasn't proposed after 9 years together. not that I want him to now
>Boyfriend has kids and lots of baby mamma drama.
>He has full custody but is always being taken to court.
>Baby mama harasses me a lot too. I had to block her in every way possible.
>Feel like a single mom a lot of the time though because his schedule causes him to be away from the home every other week.
>Expected to do all the household shit, carting around his kids everywhere, and still work a full time job.
>Feel more like a roommate/nanny he fucks instead of a partner.
>Not even a priority in his life. Never does anything for me.
>Haven't been on a proper date in over 2 years.
>Takes out his stress on me by being dickish and getting mad at me for stupid shit that's not even my fault.
>Try to talk to him about issues but it's like talking to brick wall.
>The more I push to have some sort of discussion the more defensive he gets.
>I blow up at him and he just asks what I want him to do.
>Tell him what changes I need.
>Half-asses it and goes back to doing nothing again.
>Cycle repeats indefinitely.
>Feel miserable everyday.
>Feel like I die a little inside everyday.
>Feel bad about leaving him to deal with all the kids drama and house stuff.
>Cry almost everyday.

Help me out here anons. I want to leave my 9 year relationship but I haven't done it yet because I feel too guilty. He's got a lot going on but I'm barely a shell of my former self here. I have zero support. All of my family lives out of state and the only friends I have are online or are his friends too/first.

No. 62348

Please can anyone tell me the extent to which a significant other should control the things you do? I feel very conflicted. Had a huge argument with my current bf because I showed my bra to a few mutual female friends at a party and because apparently the skirts I wear are too short and it makes me look bad. We aren't in an argument anymore but I can't look at clothes without feeling extremely anxious because I naturally gravitate towards wearing short skirts (they flatter my legs idk, I always wear tights) but I feel like I need to ask my bf if he approves before I buy/wear anything? I don't want to set him off. The last argument was horrible but I don't know if I am being a doormat here.

No. 62353

Mine does this. It's really hard, because he'll say awful things and it makes me want to hurt him as well. You don't want to give in and be nice because he's such an ass.

Say things like:
- "You're hurting me." (Sometimes they can be past of the point of caring. Mine doesn't like when I talk about my feelings when he's mad.)
- "I love you, I want this to work."

Don't use "you" blaming phrase, though.

Sometimes, if you just want the fight to end, do something caring, such as make him some tea, bring home a treat, cook something nice, do something for him he likes.

>advice I don't take because I don't want to be nice to my asshole boyfriend.

No. 62354

While I understand that he has kids and drama because of it.

The other stuff you've mentioned are valid reasons to leave him. I don't think I need to write a huge paragraph trying to convince you to leave him by pointing out the things you've said already.

Either buckle up and deal with him not appreciating you or putting effort into his relationship and be in the backseat for the rest of your life or leave and get some self respect and peace.

You know what you need to do.

No. 62355

You are being a doormat and he is being an asshole. Beyond concerns about your safety and wellbeing a boyfriend should never control you. He's acting like a mother, you're a grown woman and shouldn't need to ask someone elses permission to buy clothes.

No. 62361

It's hard to leave someone after getting used to them for that long, I mean it's scary as absolute fuck, don't get me wrong- But you're going live your life this way until you fucking die if you don't leave. His bad decisions and kids aren't yours. Stay with a close online friend for awhile after if you can manage if you're scared of being off on your own, and start enjoying life again. There's no reason to stay where you are if everyone you know is out of state anyway. I've been in a similar spot and a well off online friend had me stay with them for six months, it was cash as fuck.

Even if every thought you have is telling you you can't, they're just thoughts. You control your actions. Good luck, you can do it.

No. 62362

Hm yeah that makes sense. When he gets mad at me he withholds affection and it feels awful. My mother used to do the same thing

No. 62363

The people fighting for yor attention are the people who you can control the most.

Realize your power.

No. 62365

I know, it fucking sucks because I know what I need to do but can't do it. I'm a goddamn coward I guess. The job I have is too good to just up and leave so I don't want to move out of state unless I can find something similar. The worst part is we work in the same place but in different departments. Everyone thinks he's just some nice and goofy guy, no one realizes what a selfish asshole he can be.

No. 62373

Yeah, Hell becomes cosy when you've lived there long enough. But don't stay there forever. What a senseless waste of a human that would be.

All you need to do is take the plunge. It's scary, like all changes are. But fear not change when it is for the better.

Do it. Close your eyes and jump. A life devoid of crying everyday awaits when you land.

No. 62392

Keep the job, it's good money fuck the fact that he's in a different department you can still avoid him.

You have your life to live, you've spent almost a decade with him, that's more than enough time to be loyal to someone who treats you like shit. Just leave him.

No. 62405

I'm not the Anon you're advising, but your post is beautiful and applies to my relationship, too. Just.. thanks. I needed that today.

Sage for feelspost~

No. 62415

I'm giving advice on how to make the fight end or to win him over. Sometimes it's just better to do these things and get the fight over with than have several days of silence/anger.

No. 62422

I'm not sure if this is the right place because my boyfriend and I broke up, but oh well.

We broke up about a month ago, after a slew of insults (from his end) and LDR taking a toll on us. I took it really hard even though we had only been dating for 1.5 years. I deleted him from everything except my contacts in my phone. My period never came so I kept it just in case ha.

Anyways, he started texting me about a week ago. At first I didn't respond, but I caved because I know he doesn't have friends nearby and I was the main person he spoke to. He apologized for a lot of the things he said and basically wished for me to do well without him.

I wanted to keep it text-based only, but he's been calling me a lot this week already. He'll constantly say things like he misses my voice, talking to me, etc and reach out to me when he has a bad day because he thought of our failed relationship. But then he'll change the subject and talk about girls he's met and hung out with and how there's so many pretty girls where he's at. And I'm just like ?????????? that fucking hurts because the breakup is still fresh, like c'mon.

I think my ex knows I'll always be there because I can't turn away if someone I know is feeling down, and I think he's abusing it. It's like the emotional support of being in a relationship, without being in a relationship. Sometimes it hurts to talk to him because I feel it's giving me a false sense of hope. But not talking to him hurts just as much.

TL;DR. Bf and I broke up; still reaches out to me for emotional support. Tells me he misses me and wants to talk to me, but proceeds to tell me about all the girls he's hung out with too. Don't know what I should do to feel better about this situation.

No. 62423

Cut him off. He's using you to make himself feel better while ignoring your feelings in the process.

No. 62426

So I have been dating a guy LDR for around 9 months now. Overall our relationship was pretty great even for LDR. I never felt unloved, uncared for, we spent a lot of time together.

Recently he started to get kind of short with me on things and I know he was stressed over his shitty job. So I cut him some slack. He started to randomly not text me for a day or two which kind of worried me. I felt kind of hurt by that.

At first, I was thinking maybe he was BSing me and just didn't want to date anymore so I sent him a bunch of messages. He read them and didn't reply. So I actually kind of went crazy on him. I texted him he is wasting my time, that I wasted so much time on him, that everyone was right about him, he just used me etc etc and I was done with him. He just said ok goodbye lets break up, and immediately starting drawing on Instagram. He actually almost non stop streamed drawing and painting for almost two days right after that argument. After I told him I was done, I had deleted him off everything already.

He messaged me on twitter saying thank you for everything and eventually telling me he was sorry and that he loved me. He started to talk again and he started to open up about some things with me. we probably talked for a good 4 hours that night.

He later told me he was stressed from us talking so much (we would spend hours and hours together daily each day). He revealed to me that he doesn't need to see his girlfriend that often or even talk a lot, he likes to do a lot of things on his own and alone. He told me he loved me and wants to move in with me as soon as he can (he is paying off some debt he has first) and has even told me he would marry me in the future (we were pretty serious from the start, we both were looking for potential marriage partners at this point in my life,). He told me he wants to live together but he wants more alone time as well.

At first I started to think it was a cop-out, maybe he wanted to break up but didn't know how to say it. But he is pretty outspoken when he is upset/feels like he wanted to break up so I don't really think this is it.
I also started thinking maybe he is spending time with other girls but when we are not talking I either know 100% he is sleeping or doing playing games on xbox since I have seen him playing games. He also has been painting a lot and he live streams his drawings on instagram so I have seen him doing that as well. I even spoke to some of his close friends who confided in me that he has either flat out not talked to them for months or just spends a lot of time alone.

My relationship with him is harder now, but ever since we talked about this issue we were having, he has made a big effort in talking more, he texts me everyday for hours and will always send me a good morning and a goodnight ( I told him how much this means to me when we talked about we broke up). It's slowly improving and I'm feeling really hopeful, ever since we shared how we both felt we both have been putting more effort in. I told him I felt like maybe he just wanted to use me for nudes and he has been respectful and hasn't asked me for sexual things for a while although occaisionally we talk about sex things but never intensely which makes me feel better ( he told me that he does masturbate to things ive sent him before but that I don't need to worry about sending him things if I dont want to or if im uncomfortable, he said you are always thinking I only want your body but I want all of you, everything about you and I want to show you that).

Anyways I don't really know why I wrote all this stuff since it's pretty much resolved now. But I wanted to share it with someone. I haven't really been with a guy who has been so understanding and actually putting in some effort especially in a LDR. We have had our problems but after any argument or "breakup" we have had I feel like our relationship becomes stronger if that makes any sense. We are both bad about sharing feelings but slowly we have become more and more open with them.

I hope we can stay together for a long time, he really is the love of my life.

No. 62427

sorry I accidentally copied and pasted something x2 please ignore that.

No. 62436

Sounds like a pretty good deal. It's okay to give him space. I know how it is to want contact 24/7 but it really is a skill to get past it. Tell him how you feel, you two sound like you make each other happy. Come to a compromise that helps you both.

No. 62440

Honestly it sounds like you're putting too much hope into a LDR. If he's not the type to text every day or give someone a lot of attention, he will eventually resent you for trying to change him and blowing up. Good job on expressing your feelings more, but you just don't sound compatible if you want a good morning text and he wants to stream drawings for hours…

No. 62444

I'm similar to anon's bf, I like having my space and own time, and have been in an LDRish thing with a guy who was very needy for attention. It was very difficult because no matter how hard I tried it always felt like he just needed more and more attention and when I was just being myself he would fly off the handle and think I was chatting up other dudes or becoming disinterested in the relationship. It's not a compatible situation at all.

>>62426 maybe instead of making your bf text you for hours, how about trying to back off and let him paint on stream for once? tbh it sounds like you need to be more understanding, not him.

No. 62469

Is having an online presence important for meeting people?
Lots of the stories I read in these threads involve tinder/instragram/tumblr/whatever.
I always figured I would just meet someone in person but I spend a lot of time inside. My friend says I need to make a tinder but I don't want fwb shit.

No. 62470

I've tried really hard to, but I can't seem to do it. I'll go a few days without speaking to him, but once he constantly starts texting me I cave again and respond. I feel so weak for latching onto this and almost being happy he reaches out to me.

No. 62486

No. I found my boyfriend IRL. Or rather, he found me. It helps to have social group activities, like a book group or something of the sort.

No. 62570


I didn't "make" him text for hours I meant like we talked about our feelings for a while after we had an argument.

I made it seem like we text for hours on end daily, but I meant we text throughout the day sometimes, like x10-15 texts, could be done like every few hours kind of thing.

We now text occasionally a few times a day, some days we texts others we don't and I'm fine with it. We send good morning/ good night x4 a week and sometimes we text after he is done doing his drawings.

I just thought he was the kind of person who wanted to talk all the time, so I was first worried about how he felt about us when he stopped.

But now that we have talked about it I feel secure and happy in our relationship, I love having me time and I'm sure he does too.


we both talked about how much we love each other and we wanted it to work out, so we are giving it another shot. Giving him space has made me happy too, now I get to see my friends again and go out which was really limited before. I felt bad about saying "I want to go out" before but now I can do what I want and he can do what he wants too.

No. 62575

I feel like I'm running out of things to talk about with my LDR boyfriend. We talk every day, it's just that most days are uneventful. Is this normal or am I just boring?

No. 62609

Don't talk about things just send nudes. Spice up your life

No. 62620


it' normal but it's also inevitable because most of your relationship is basically talking on X platform and when you stop doing it, it means there's a problem.

No. 62638

i'm not really sure how to address this but i'll just say it how it is;

recently i've been feeling repulsed at the idea of having sex. my boyfriend is an awesome guy, treats me well, the sex is actually really great! however, i cant help but feel a disgust whenever i think about having sex. there's a constant sinking feeling in my stomach and the night prior we tried and he finished but i absolutely couldn't enjoy it. i love him, he's great, but i am so repulsed at the thought of sex lately. it was never this way before. it feels like a chore.

i don't want to hurt him because i've already talked to him about how i cant shake the feeling. he says he understands but i cant help but notice hes disappointed a lot more lately. it's uncomfortable and i feel horrible about it. kissing, hugging, everything is fine but the thought of having sex with him as of late makes me nauseous. has this happened to anyone else? i want to be able to enjoy it but i cant

(i do have to mention i was sexually assaulted about four years ago and it took a toll on me. however, i used to be dtf all the time until lately where thinking about having sex gives me a sinking feeling.)

No. 62639


Could it be that you are bored of it? Maybe try to spice things up.

No. 62642

i've felt this was lately too. i've been in my relationship for ~5 years and only the last few months i've been repulsed by the thought of sex in general. i thought it might be my depression being worse than usual, along with my self esteem. i just feel bad about myself and my appreance and it makes me too self conscious to enjoy sex

No. 62806

I have a bf who gets pissed if I don't agree with him on every little thing in life. Today I got fed up with it and texted him this. Am I being over dramatic with what I said?

"You take it personally when someone you care about views life in a different way than you do because you feel hurt when you discover they don't have the same thoughts. And you can't say that you aren't like this because you get irritated if I even like a song that you don't like. A lot of young men have trouble being with women who don't mirror them(have the same hobbies, opinions, music tastes etc). Most of them are on a constant search to find a woman who is beautiful but also agrees with 100% with everything they think and do. They haven't learned that these things don't matter in a relationship in the long run, a lot of them project personality traits and feelings on to a woman they like and feel totally crushed or angry when they find out this woman is some what different from how they imagined her to be."

No. 62833

So..the guy I'm involved with (too ashamed to call me his gf I'm assuming) gets annoyed because I'm a bit clingy I guess. He'll go through periods where he's like "you're annoying and pathetic, fuck off" then the next day he'll say something like "oh I was just in a bad mood, I wanna lick your thighs." I dunno, he seems to like playing mind games. And likes to think he's better than everyone else. I know I'm making him sound bad, but I don't know anyone who has the same interests as me.
So does he actually love me? He has trouble feeling/showing any emotion. No other girls will pay him attention, so why take me for granted?

No. 62842

I just want to ask how often is too often to text a guy. (Especially a busy guy, two jobs). I want to enough for him to know I'm interested but I don't want to be too annoying and I really don't want to fuck this up.
I slept with him a couple days ago and before that we were talking frequently but now that we've actually had sex I'm really afraid to act too clingy.

No. 62852

He only wants you for the sex or he wouldn't follow up a shitty apology with something lewd. Delete his number. I'm sorry, Anon

No. 62874

No he doesn't love you and the reason why other girls don't pay attention because they see the red flags that you didn't

No. 62875

I'm not sure why you would have sex with someone who you don't even know enough that you'd feel comfortable texting him when you want. Also, since you already had sex with Him before a relationship started, you already fucked up because now he's most likely not going to want to date you.

No. 62916

>Long post ahead:
I'm sure having sex with him proved you're interested lol, but he clearly isn't interested in anything more than sex if you feel like you're being clingy and he's stopped frequently talking to you. He's just not interested now he got what he wanted, as cliche as that sounds.

Also agree with >>62875 as to how can you have sex with someone you aren't even dating, or even established anything on a romance level to be questioning if he knows you're interested in him or not and don't feel comfortable enough to text . I read on some chad board (probs reddit kek) 'men' said that having sex doesn't actually cause men to lose interest, they just weren't actually interested in a relationship from the start if they stopped talking to you afterwards and from the start had decided they wanted you for sex and that's it, their minds were made up. Meaning even if you didn't have sex straight away they still wouldn't magically want to date you because of it, or if they did want to date you and you had sex with them in the first 20sec of meeting they still would want to date you. women majority of the times standards for man they'd have sex with is synonymous to man they would have relationship with, and are quite closely linked (most of the time). men however it's a big difference and the standards of what they'd shag is far lower than that they would actually have a relationship, meaning if you're good enough to have sex with, it doesn't mean you're anything near good enough for them to date and they are no way related.

Sorry if it sounds horrible but I don't want to get your hopes up so you chase after and wait around for a guy not interested in you, building up his ego as he moves on to the next with no regards to your feelings. Move on. You can't force someone to be interested in you, but trust me if he is he will message you first. And nothing you could have done could have prevented how he felt or what he wanted to do, however not sleeping with him could have only saved your own sanity.


>try be glad u got shag,
>cuz that might be all you could bag.

No. 62918

i need help/advice. im in an ldr for 3 years so far (im 18 hes 17). my bf is an amazing guy who loves me and even came down here to come to my prom with me. as of right now he has an online friend over and theyre doing lots of fun stuff and he forgets/is too busy to text me. we would always fall asleep together in a call/video chat and at some point during the day we would talk on voice. he hasnt been able to do that with me right now and i didnt realize it but ive become so dependent on it. we haven't done sexual stuff in a while either and i feel like im not so important and hes losing interest in me. im planning on moving there in 2 months and right now im just scared maybe after all he doesnt like me so much? he does always talk about me and does manage to find a way to text me but he keeps forgetting to do things we would do everyday and it kind of… hurts? we always would send at least one face pic a day and instead hes been putting pics of himself and friends on his snap story and not sending any to me. he doesnt seem to care when i send him a pic or anything either (he does screenshot them always though). i feel bad but i kind of want his attention right now really badly. i feel jealous that hes doing so much too because i dont have many friends and my family is abusive so i cant talk to them without getting into an argument which makes me feel worse and more alone. i dont drive and im just finishing hs and im getting a job soon so i can pay off going there and moving with him. also i asked if he could call me before i go to school one yesterday and he just seemed kind of annoyed/didnt seem happy or interested to talk to me but also he was about to go to sleep (hes out of school so he stayed up all night with his friends). i dont know how to make myself feel happy because i just feel really lonely because i dont have anyone to talk to irl or anything but online i talk to this guy sometimes but he makes sexual jokes towards me and flirts with me and i hate it so i just leave him on read. how can i make time pass so i can go there and how can i feel better? i want to better myself (get nice clothes skincare and haircut blah blah) but i dont have much money at all. i feel like im spiraling into a depression because before him i was suicidal because i didnt have anyone good in my life. i finally have found some sort of light in life and im scared sorry if this is ranting or just everywhere but im in a bad state of mind and i havent slept well

No. 62927

My bf never listens to a word a say and i'm always repeating myself, everyday.
I've spoken to him about it more than 10 times in our 2 year relationship and a good half of them was in full tears on both ends.
I know he loves me but I find to hard to be with someone where communication is almost non existent. He always tells me he never wants to lose me and he loves me inside and out and he wants to try to be a better bf but within an hour of talking about it he goes back to straight ignoring.

It is trivial but it builds up and repeating myself over and over again, over something small annoys me to the extent where i want to break up with him. Stuff like "oh i need to go into town today" and when i get ready to go out he's confused as of why, and this happened about 4 times before he finally listens.
We both Game together League etc but he gets super sucked into any game he plays and this is a part of it, he can play runescape the most afkable game out there and stuff get sucked into the extent where i don't even bother talking.

He even does this when im looking into his eyes and saying stuff, he doesn't forget he just chooses not to listen.. idk what to do about it.

No. 62931

go out with friends. find a new hobby?
i've used a hypnose app and it helped me a lot :)

No. 62933

really sorry if this sounds rude but you are being ridiculously clingy and immature. Your boyfriend does have a life outside you, and it is very unhealthy for you to be so dependent on your significant other. I know how it feels because I have been there, but you shouldn't be mollycoddled over this. It's abusive to your boyfriend to make him feel guilty for not giving you so much attention whilst his friends are around. Again, really sorry about sounding harsh!

No. 62934

no no i think i need it and i dont personally make him feel bad i mostly just stay positive and tell him i miss him and w/e but i just keep this all inside. its nicer when someone tells the truth so thank you i think i mainly needed this

No. 62945

No problem anon just trying to help, honesty is always the best policy. I understand that it can be hard though. If I were you I would definitely pick up a hobby or join a club so that you can spread your attention around a bit

No. 62949

dump him
mostly for not listening, but also because he's a grown ass man playing fucking runescape

No. 63014

I really don't like my bf's friends. They are dumb stoners who come over to make loud ass shitty music, expect to eat my food that I pay for when they all live at home with their parents, use my PS4 when i'm not there, etc. I've tried to be civil and make conversation but I don't have anything in common with them and just eventually stopped caring because I'm tired after working all day most times they come over. The other day he got really upset when instead of dodging an invite to go to his friends place I just straight up told him I don't like that person and did not want to go. He got mad saying he always has to make excuses for me not going and that they ask where I'm at but I point out that my friends don't do that and ultimately they want to hang out with him, not me. Today one of them was over when I came home and I just wanted to be left alone. He tried to go get me to look at something they were working on but I just said I'm tired and I'll look at it later. He then got mad, flipped me off and walked off and sent an angry text about how I'm hurting his feelings. This shit is incredibly stupid because I don't expect him to get along with my friends/when they are over I don't ask him to be in the same room or even come look at what we are doing. They always come over at decent times and don't keep me up screaming at grand theft auto at 12am when I have work the next morning. Since I don't have the same expectations and am not outwardly being shitty to his friends I don't know why he is so pissy. I just don't care about them and know they don't care about me so I don't want to put in the same effort.

Tl;dr if any anons have advice about SO friend issues I would much appreciate it.

No. 63017

A grown man flipped you the bird because you didn't want to look at some stupid thing he made? What a man baby.
I know exactly the kind of guys you're describing. I hate them too. And if they get too annoying or pushy like in your case, I let them know it. Just outright tell your your boyfriend you don't like his stoner friends. You don't want to hang out and there's no reason you need to be buddies with them when they also don't really care that you're there either. They way he's probably going to react isn't good though. Have you considered breaking up with him? If his friends are like that, that's usually a good sign he has the same values as they do. Birds of a feather flock together..

No. 63022

>Birds of a feather flock together
>Show me your friends and I'll show you who you are
These are sayings that appeared over all cultures and lasted centuries for a very good reason. No need for you to struggle to learn this lesson when millions before you and around you went through the same.

This can only go two ways:
- Either you hang around, complaining and trying fruitlessly until your bf leaves you for your constant bitching
- Or realize you are two different worlds, leave him and his posse, and go find someone who is on your own level

Choose wisely. You know what's the right choice. Don't fool yourself you can make it work, no matter how much you love him. A square will never fit into a round hole.

No. 63026

The fuck man, you just don't throw some obscure shit like that ur way and don't even say B. He def thinks it's you, he sounds really insecure about himself so hence the tantrum.

Demand the vid so you can settle it

No. 63030

Thanks anons. I just think he's feeling entitled to my time and emotions because when I asked him why this was such a big deal to him he didn't have an answer. This is like the one compromise I've asked for in our serious relationship and I'm a big believer in not forcing people to do things they don't want to do. I respect his use of time and free will, if he can't respect mine I'll just leave.

No. 63177

Anyone got any advice to stop obsessing/crushing over someone ? The more I think under no circumstances should I ever like this person because they are a self absorbed trash the more I find myself thinking about them and wanting their attention . I've completely cut contact with this person too but it's not working and it's bugging me a lot . ( Plz be nice to me, I'm aware it's faggoty that's why I'm asking for help )

No. 63214

my work friend is having a get together with the other girls from work as she's going away soon. they all keep saying i have to go this time, and i do actually want to. it'd just be to the pub for a few drinks.

i dont have any friends, and my partner wouldnt like this. to be fair, it's because i had a drinking problem, but i dont even really wanna drink i just want to hang out with them.

i'm almost positive he'd just shut me down if i asked but i want to go and i also feel super pressured bc they all keep saying i have to be there this time. trying to decide if i should even ask or come up with an excuse :(

wat do

No. 63227

The only thing you can do to stop the obsession is to decipher where these feelings are coming from. Sure you objectively think this person is trash but again, why? Without being capable of figuring out the specifics, you'll often find yourself in a cycle of feeling swept up by your own emotions and not understanding why.

Do you feel sympathy for this person? Do you find they behave in a shitty manner to attract love, attention etc? Do you relate to their behavior? What attributes about said person keep swirling in your thoughts? Maybe you are insecure and their confidence is attractive to you or vice-versa.

Learning about what attracts or repulses you within other people will reveal a lot about yourself and whether you're ready to pursue romances for the right reasons.

No. 63229

Have a long, hard contemplation on why you need to ask permission for anything from your partner as if he were your father.

No. 63232

Picture them defecating every time you think about them. Soon, you won't be interested in them.

No. 63277

Are they legit trash or is it just the smart move cus they don't like you back?

No. 63304


Hey anon, I know this is a late response but I'm basically in your BF's shoes. He was the one who is in a shitty situation (hated job, family issues) and he got really mad at me when I grew distant after similar issues (school, family). I think I've started to resent my bf because I just don't feel like I can be normal around him anymore; I'm a loner, we were in a similar situation growing up with older siblings who over shadowed us. Except his mother showered him with him being the youngest as everyone else left for college. So he always felt like he never got anything. While I didn't get any attention at all because I had a brother with special needs and another one who is just the oldest and also male which is more valued by my parents.

He craved attention, I don't really enjoy attention when I'm stressed out and anxious. So he yelled at me a few times when I didn't give him attention… it made me like him a lot less. I just couldn't deal with it. I don't even know if our relationship will last; I'd love for it to go well but there are other issues I can't ignore.

I wish the best for you and your boyfriend, I hope he doesn't resent you like I do my own bf.

No. 63321

They are 100% trash . They are manipulative , narcissistic and enjoy playing head games ( they actually admit playing head games when confronted but doesn't see anything more of it than just a little bit of fun ) . He hasn't done anything bad with intentions of hurting me to make me hate him but he is playing mind games to make me chase him and I can say when I did run after him he walks away until I lose interest then he plays them again , so for that reason I do hate him but I still have a really bad crush which seems to be getting worse and it is annoying . He is interested in me but on a sexual level even though we did talk normally as well ( I have since stopped messaging him but he likes all my posts and photos still ) but bcus of his narcisism I know he is incapable of any feelings towards me ( or others for that matter ) or any empathy at least . I'm also not stupid enough to think I can be the one to change him or he might like me deep down because he's a full blown narcisist and they only like themselves that's that . So I just want to move on and stop thinking about him or wishing they were able to like me . Some times I do wonder if I am a masochist or some thing and that's why my crush is getting worse and worse knowing I can't have it and must keep away because he will purposely toy with me .

I have actually tried this and I'm still doing it . I guess it's a slow process therapy kek .

No. 63329

Picture them wiping, too. Inspecting the toilet paper for residue.

No. 63350

>last year
>caught bf in a giant ass lie regarding a girl friend after he tried gas lighting me
>by going through his phone to find the correct info
>found out he talked a bit of shit about our relationship to his friends
>confronted him, gave ultimatum, admitted I went through phone, etc.
>bf admitted fault because he couldn't deny it
>from that point on bf made phone password protected
>sexual relations slowly faded away to nothing
>got some every couple months
>make passing 'jokes' about how he must be watching porn
>check his computer because he often stayed up late
>he was watching camgirls, thankfully not paying them
>confronted him about that and says he would stop
>intimacy still goes uninitiated
>bf is super protective of his phone despite it being password locked
>the other day he wanted me to show a video of his phone
>when I went to grab it, I pulled it away just a little bit and his reaction was to grab for the phone
>another time he was showing me something and I jokingly said 'hurr imma read your texts' and swiped in no apparent direction on the phone
>he swiftly snatched it away

What are the odds there's some shit on that phone he doesn't want me to see? I'm not protective of my phone because there's fuck all on it.

No. 63351

No. 63352

Girl, please love yourself more and leave that piece of shit. You don't need the permission to leave someone who talks shit about your relationship and prefers watching porn. You deserve better.

No. 63353

I love my bf but I feel like I can't really talk or trust him much anymore. Sometimes I'll say nice things to him and he will just ignore it but it could be because he's busy. Lately if I have a problem I try to talk about it but he doesn't respond or it'll be on fb messenger and it'll just say his score for his game. I really love him but it hurts. When I told him that I was feeling sad he called me and he was laying next to his friend and they were both there just joking around so I'm guessing his friend read it/he told his friend about it. The friend was also calling his gf because she was upset and they were going to just joke around. It's really annoying and I don't know how he can take me seriously. I feel like he doesn't care and doesn't listen. I'm also scared because last night my bf was up all night on fb messenger and was ignoring me and in the morning he just said he wasn't on it but I saw him going on and offline. What do I say to him? How can I make him take me seriously? I feel like he could care less about me and how I feel and it hurts so bad

No. 63354

In situations like this it's just best to go with your gut, he's hiding something. You don't have to go spying into his phone or confirm it or anything.

No. 63355

Just have an honest chat with him and try to figure out both of you's needs. You seem like you desperately need more attention from him when you're having a hard time but it reads like he also appreciates his 'guy-time' with his friends.

Do you feel like he's not 'pulling his weight' in the relationship? Do you feel like you're doing more than he is?

No. 63356

I do need attention but it's because I'm in an ldr and I have no friends lol and yeah he doesn't really pull his weight as much I mean he still tries to talk to me and calls me sometimes but he just never really cares much about me it feels like

No. 63358

I'm so annoyed with it. Next time he does it I'm going to straight up ask him what he's hiding on it that's so damn important for me to not see.

I just feel "needed" in this relationship, not wanted.
Without me he'd suddenly have no car, no furniture, no roommate to split bills, no supportive family whatsoever (from my parents, his family are leeches), no person to cook, clean, etc.
Plus he's always had a lot of female friends, but I feel for a guy to have so many, that's low key him getting an attention supply. I ignored my orbiters because I'm in a relationship and they're irrelevant.
The other night I read a conversation between him and a girl who I'm acquainted with, and I guess some guy at a bar got jealous of my bf because he thought they were dating. It doesn't speak badly on the girl (she even told bf she told that guy off because that's what 'good friends' do, kek) but it just goes to show how he acts super date-y around these chicks.
I chalk it up to his mom being an absolute cuntfest, so maybe that's why he wants so much female approval constantly. But ugh, it's doing a number on me and it hurts my self-esteem.

No. 63380

Fuck this loser, holy shit. Are you really so blind? Leave him, you deserve better and you will get way better guys than this fuckup. Please.

No. 63523

How many of you guys are married? is your husband straight up fucking sex addicted? After I get home from work I go to the gym, and then I clean and just want to relax and my husband constantly whines about not getting laid. He claims he's joking but I know he probably does harbor resentment from the fact that we only do it maybe once a week. I'm just too fucking busy to even think about being horny and it gets grating, I don't owe him sex. I blame porn. Porn brainwashes men into thinking sex should be constant and amazing

No. 63526

You just have mismatching sex drives. It happens especially if you're on birth control since it affects your libido.

Don't make it so he always has to ask. Surprise him one day, maybe he'll appreciate it more and put him in a 'quality over quantity' mindset.

No. 63618

>combat the problem of your whiney sex entitled husband by just having sex with him before he can whine
This is some backwards Cosmo level shit

Maybe you guys need to have an honest discussion. You really don't owe him sex, but him hiding his advances as jokes is a bad sign as he should feel confident enough to ask for it earnestly and should also be able to take you saying no without him being a baby about it. For some people sex is a vital part of relationships, if there's an imbalance there then something needs to be done whether it's no fap/porn from him, some small consensual effort on your part to explore what might get you going or worst case scenario you might just not be suited to a monogamous LDR with each other. You both should be able to talk about this stuff like a normal adult without him whining.
I'm the sex pest in my relationship and when it starts to feel like I'm whining, I now just ask for a clear rejection before distracting myself with a hobby

No. 63632

i don't think its a gender thing. as another anon said, it's likely your drives are mismatched, or perhaps yours is lowered because of stress or just being plain busy. honestly though, i dont blame him if he really wants to have sex but you don't. it can get frustrating to be in that position too, and its not necessarily caused by porn (unless he is a porn addict in which case that's different). i am definitely NOT saying you owe him though. Just saying it can be frustrating being on the other end of it too.

No. 63634

Yeah, you answered why he's still with you. Not because he wants to, but because you provide him with things: car, furniture, money and you cook and clean. You should really end it and move on. It's better for you in the long run and you will find someone that appreciates you and that you can trust.

(My boyfriend and I know each others passwords; not that you need to, but we definitely trust each other and it makes me feel comfortable tbh.)

No. 63635

Talk to him about it. If it's really mostly because you're stressed maybe you can find a solution for it such as that he could do more housework so you don't have to. I felt this way and my boyfriend offered to clean and cook for me so I can relax more and it definitely helped. Maybe you can also consider going away for a weekend together.

If you just don't want to, that's not your fault but you should still have an open conversation about it.

No. 63658

>Let me ignore advice to push my own opinion

No. 63670

how do i stop getting worked up and jealous about my bf? he hangs out with his friends so much and does really fun stuff like concerts and things but i dont do much and when i try to i just dont have as much fun as when im with him. (im in a ldr) ill be moving in with him soon but in the meantime im so jealous of him doing so many things what can i do to make myself feel better and not jealous

No. 63671

First realize that you are not your boyfriend. You don't have to have fun doing all of the same things because you're not the same person. Then think of what you DO like. Do you like books? Go visit a library or find an old hole in the wall bookstore. Like art? Go visit some galleries. You gotta find what YOU enjoy.

I love wandering around the art museum but my husband finds it boring. We do it together, and we go to the concerts he likes together that I don't like. It's compromise.

But if you're not doing what you enjoy, why do you expect to have fun doing it?

You're not abnormal for having different interests, anonchan

No. 63672

oh no no sorry i mightve given you the wrong idea! im just jealous of how social he is and he does many things while i do not. i have the most fun with him so when i try to do social things with my friends rn i dont have much fun.

No. 63680

File: 1498100429704.png (992.03 KB, 1164x658, housework is everyone's respon…)

This is good advice. Try using the words"for me," as in, "while I do the dishes, could you please clean the counter for me?" For some reason, adding "for me" makes men more willing to help out.

No. 63823

File: 1498272389463.jpg (47.99 KB, 500x495, Xg9KgfT.jpg)

Disclaimer: I'm retarded when it comes to guys and their feelings

At the moment I have only one guy friend and for like the last two years I've known him we've both been completely platonic and it's been great. I finished my first year of uni (we go to different universities) and now that I'm back in my hometown, me and my guy friend hang out a lot and I'm starting to like him as more than a friend and I have no clue what to do. My other friends think we'd be really cute together so that just gives me even more dumb hope.

The thing is, when we hang out/text, this dude tells me about all of his girl problems, insists on being my wingman, and we always joke about me being a closeted lesbian (he knows I'm not, but it's a joke from hs). Am I right in saying that I've already fucked myself into making him see me as nothing more than a bro-friend? For most of this summer I was convinced he only saw me as a friend, so I didn't act on my feelings or do anything- but sometimes I feel like he might be dropping hints? Like last time we hung out I drove him back to his house and he made no effort to leave the car and I was showing him shitty videos and now I'm wondering if he was trying to make a move and I totally blew him off bc I wasn't paying attention. Or maybe I'm just retarded and projecting things that aren't really there?

Sorry I know I sound retarded, but my girl-friends don't like talking about this stuff so you guys are the only ones I can ask

No. 63980

Anyone here have a bf who can't handle being disagreed with?how do I deal with it? We got into an hour long argument because I said I didn't like a dress that he likes.

No. 63982

I feel you. My boyfriend is in law school. It is not even worth it for me to try to argue with him because he can always win. It's a waste of time, seriously. I say "OK you win" and then I do something productive to get my mind off of it. It's not that big of a deal to me anymore I know it's just his nature. I am going to get us couples therapy down the line though before we move into our new place. I think every couple would benefit from therapy. Even just watching you tube videos on how to communicate with your partner can be helpful I think. Been trying that well see how it goes. Let me know if you ever find a solution.

Like does he at least hear you out before he is arguing back? Or does he dismiss everything you say?

No. 63988

Ugh my bf is extremely argumentative. He seems like to try to make an argument out of anything because he likes to argue; it's so fucking annoying. I usually just say "fine, whatever" and leave the conversation when I realize that he's roped me into another argument. Sometimes even if I cede his point he keeps going, I literally have to walk away. He just can't stand not being right, like he wants to be the smartest guy in the room.

Though one time I did turn the tables on him using one of his tactics and that left me feeling smug af the whole day.

No. 64002

File: 1498506453690.png (225.64 KB, 400x300, tumblr_olphg3O54A1tovmb9o2_400…)

my gf is SUPER sensitive. she takes any type of criticism as if people were trying to just hurt her feelings. she dismisses everything, refuses to get into arguments, etc. then six months later she'll be like "omg but anon remember when you said this and that so mean omg but i didn't say anything at the time tho bc i wanted to use it to play victim later :(". i've talked to her about this multiple times and she always goes "ok sorry i'm going to change" but never does. she has no spine. it can be exhausting…

anyways, she totally has cooties and has made me get that shit like four times its pissing me off. i always get rid of them in a matter of days, why the fuck doesn't she? she's a grown ass woman wtf. how do i tell her to clean her fucking hair without hurting her feelings? its SO GROSS, GIRLS. but i legit can't think of how to confront her about it without being a dick

No. 64003

well there are only two options, either he realized your feelings and tries to let you know he's not interested (wingman shit) or he IS interested in you and is teasing and provoking you, because you're too passive and he can't get a response in a different way…
I know saying something straight-forwardly is sometimes too hard, so I would advise dropping hints: next time when he makes some lame joke about you being gay just jokingly say no…, you're actually realizing you're not. When he proposes being your wingman, say thanks but you have to decline, because you need to deal with some feelings.
Even if he's not interested, this may make him realize you're a girl. A woman. You can fall in love, you can desire. It really makes a guy think (see, he may be doing the same with talking about girls to you.)
Good luck~

No. 64009

Does she know she has lice? Have you talked to her about it? She may legitimately not know, and you could say "so they showed up on my head you probably have it too, let's deal with it".

No. 64014

I'm confused this post. Is this a troll or are you talking about lice, like >>64009 says? Why are you calling them cooties? Are a child?

No. 64017

maybe it's just regional and everyone calls lice 'cooties' there? idk

No. 64096

Lmao sounds like i am your gf.
Im starting crying and have a breakdown when my bf tells me i should cook or clean up or just to not lay in bed all day. It feels like he attacks me on a very personal level. I get a "waaah im just a little poor girl, leave me alone" feeling.
It feels like he is just picking the negative things and never tell me a good thing i have done.
Idk you but maybe you concentrate on the negatives? Even if the positive things are just a few, ALWAYS tell her how good that was.

I can just talk for myself, but being a victim is so much easier.

No. 64150

Thanks for the advice anon! I've been trying to subtly do what you're saying, but things are still stupidly ambiguous (or I'm just reading too much into it). Anyway he asked me what my ideal personality in a guy is and I was honest in my description and now I'm worried that he realizes he pretty much meets my ideal personality (I'm hoping he isn't self-aware enough to figure out). Thought I'd give you an update on what's happened heh (sorry if you don't care haha)

No. 64160

File: 1498832361984.jpg (10.06 KB, 275x183, IMG-20170618-WA0004.jpg)

Send help, plz. It's a bit long but yeah. This is probably a common situation, but this is the first time I'm going through something like this, so idk what to do.

I was talking to this guy and we were getting romantically involved. I wasn't really ready to settle down with him, or anything… But he wasn't really informed of that yet. I just think he was falling for me harder than I was for him. I was also talking to this girl on the side and being all cute with her and would probably go for her if her life wasn't so messy at the moment.

Anyway, what happened is that out of nowhere I started talking with my ex again (we ended things almost 3 years ago) and, idk, it just happened super fast. I wanna get serious with him again. Now idk how to ditch the people I was talking with, especially the guy. I tried to be kind and kindly tell him I wasn't ready to be with him and that I was confused and that we should stop talking, or just be friends, and he made a drama about it… That he was putting a lot of effort into us… Which I guess is understandable, but I'm such a pussy so I apologized and things stayed the same. Now I am stuck in this non official relationship with him while I just wanna move on with my ex, we have a lot of things to work on in order to have a healthy relationship again, and I need to focus on us. I need to ditch the girl too, and I know she's going to be very sad but won't behave like him.

God, why can't I be straightforward and direct? I feel like I am going to hurt them and I really don't wanna do that because both are going through really shitty things in their lives. But I don't have any other option, right?

Pic is pretty much unrelated. Sob.

No. 64161

Stop being a self pitying pussy and let them move on. It's great that you know what you want but adults get over this stuff just fine if you don't play games or ghost.
>Sorry but recently something has developed between me and someone and I wouldn't want to lead you on, it's been great talking but I hope you can understand

No. 64164

No, I'd never ghost anyone. You're right, I need to stop being a pussy and just get things done. Thanks anon

No. 64514

File: 1499325365244.jpg (33.68 KB, 625x474, a70b8a58975318a36a2a0e8a77b1cd…)

Recently my long distance boyfriend developed a nasty infection that usually only occurs alongside chlamydia or gonorrhea. I felt terrible because I thought maybe I had picked it up from my ex and gave it to him, but I got tested for both around the time we started having a sexual relationship, and recently and both are negative. His was positive. Of course he's saying he didn't cheat, and it's just that my super power is immunity from chlamydia.

No. 64523

-I'm in a LTR (~1yr), long distance. When it is necessary to discuss with other people outside of family, neither my SO or I bring up the fact that it is long distance. We both treat it publicly as if we lived in the same area.
-Both he and I are in our early 20s.
-We haven't met in real life (due to financial issues that are improving and are projected to continue improving), but are making serious plans to do so in the near future. :)
-He's currently working a parttime job (physical labour) in order to pay off his family's expenses and save for the next uni year. He's been at that place of work for 4 years.

Anyway, the gist of it is that several weeks ago, a new girl (also early 20s) arrived at his workplace. In her first hour, she got her uniform stuck in one of the machines and my SO helped her by calling for the superior to come down and check it out. From that moment, my SO says that the girl latched onto him (metaphorically) - she even follows him outside during his smoke break, even though she doesn't smoke. According to my SO, the girl has no filter and spilled all of her family secrets to him within only minutes. Within a couple days she admitted that she was very much attracted to my SO, that he was different from the other guys at the workplace, and asked him out.

Now, of course, my SO turned her down. He says that he is trying to make himself as "boring as possible" with only "uh-huh" answers and not inciting conversation, even flat out ignoring her when possible. And obviously he constantly drops the fact that he has a girlfriend and is in a committed relationship, which he did from even before she asked him out. And while most of his workplace "buddies" are encouraging my SO to cheat (they told him, "She (me) is just your girlfriend, not your wife" LMAO), I'm not worried about him - and whatever he will decide to do is up to him.

His workplace has a FB message group in order to organise schedules, and so the girl started trying to slide into my SO's DMs. We had a good laugh about it, and about five days ago it seemed as if the girl had finally understood the radio silence. Then this afternoon, she sent my SO a FB message: "give me your phone number ;););)<3<3<3" He and I were videochatting when he got the message, and came to the conclusion that she most likely wanted to send nudes. He replied that he doesn't have a phone, and then he had to leave for a planned doctor's appointment.

I suppose my question here is not as much related to relationships, but more so curiosity as to this girl's mentality. From a personal standpoint, knowing that my crush was in a relationship has always been a total turn-off for me. There is also the point that she has been flat-out rejected and ignored time and again. I just want to know: what is this girl thinking?

No. 64527

Idk any ldr that didn't end in cheating tbh…
I think my bf is cheating on me, too. I feel you, that sucks.

No. 64528

doesn't seem to me like she's been flat out rejected.

No. 64531

She thinks she can get anything she wants if she keeps pressing because some men will easily cave. Your SO sounds like one of the good ones if he is being upfront about everything with you and turning her away but I would be wary. He should have her blocked and tell her to her face that he will never be interested, no matter how rude or stern it needs to be until she gets the message. You don't want her to escalate until he slips up because right now he is being too soft and nice.

No. 64532

She sounds fucking insane, I feel bad for you and bf.

No. 64578

File: 1499527624442.jpg (148.53 KB, 500x375, 600full-lovely-complex-screens…)

I've been with my bf for a little under 2 years now. I'm his first ever girlfriend.
We like the same things, play the same games, and other than his communication issues everything is fine.

Just sometimes I don't feel attracted to him at all. He has such a cute face but im an inch taller than him, i thought after some time i would get over it but i feel it's getting worse and worse over time.
He often feels bad about how I can't wear cute heels because i will legit tower over him. He bought me some heels that are to DIE for, but they're 5 inches tall and even though i could look past it and wear them i can tell when he brought them home and i tried them on he felt terrible standing next to me while i was looking so far down on him.
I suggested shoe inserts for him but i know if he bought them he would wear them all the time which i guess isn't so bad but he wants the tallest ones which are 4 inches. I would fucking hate to wear 4 inch heels all day and i'm not sure if they compare but it can't be comfortable.
We both want him to be taller i guess but I don't feel like it's good for our relationship to change something like that and ignore it.

No. 64580

If cheating wasn't enough, him blaming the infection on you and potentially exposing you to STIs is unacceptable. Protect your health. If he doesn't care about your health, you don't need him as a partner.

No. 64581

I honestly thought this might be a troll post. One inch height difference is not the end of the world and is barely anything… If you're so insecure about height that you're making your partner feel more insecure about it too, or not trying to help the insecurity of your partner, then split up already.

No. 64675

Never posted in a /g thread before so here goes. Long post incoming.

My bf and I have been going for almost 2 years now. It is partly LDR because during university terms we see each other every 2/3 weeks. This is my first relationship lasting more than a year and first sexual relationship and his first relationship overall. At the beginning we were inseperable, couldn't keep our hands off each other, finished each others sentences and our friends said we were the perfect match.

Recently we've been fighting. Not too aggressively, just little tiffs here and there. Sometimes I can't control my anger/pissy moods and will bitch about insignificant things but eventually come round. He kind of whines at me all the time because I haven't felt very intimate the last few weeks and wont cuddle/kiss/have sex with him as much as he'd like. I don't know why I feel this way, my sex drive comes and goes. I deep down think part of it might be because I just don't feel as attracted to him as I used to. He's cute and can look really handsome when he puts the effort in but some things about him just put me off.

I've recently been having dreams about other people and fantasising what it would be like to be with someone else. I'm in my early years of university and am kind of jealous of my other friends who get to go out and flirt with whoever they want.

At the same time, the prospect of it all being over now terrifies me. We've talked about the future together and pretty much everyone tells us we're made for each other. Our best friends started out to be his and I'm scared that if we broke up they'd ditch me. I love them all so much and I can't stand that thought. Worst of all is the fact that he's my best friend and takes up so much of my life and don't want him to just leave.

We've talked about this and decided to take a break, he's going away for a week but he says if I don't start being more intimate and we keep fighting he can't go on.

Pls help

Sorry for long as fuck post

No. 64677

If she was being flat out rejected your ex wouldn't still be talking to her

No. 64678

Me and my boyfriend of two years are moving into a larger apartment. Since we got a dog, our tiny studio is no longer covering our needs.
He is my first serious relationship, I love him very much and would never hurt him.
Thing is, in order to afford a larger apartment we will need to get a roomate. He asked a couple of his friends and one of them seems pretty down for it.
Thing is, I met that guy around the same time as I met my boyfriend and had fantasies about him for a while now. Most of them involve threesomes with him and my boyfriend, but not always.
My boyfriend is pretty against threesomes and gets jealous. I love him more than anything and would never ever leave him for anyone ever, but I can't help being attracted to that dude. It would feel wrong to see him all day every day, in his underwear etc. Plus, all three of us party and take psychedelics and MDMA occasionally, so you know, shit could happen.
I like him as a friend too, and I think he would be fine to live with. If only I didn't want his dick.
How can I convince my boyfriend to find someone else without giving away the reason or lying? I have no one to propose myself, unless I start looking into near strangers, which is not ideal.

No. 64679

It's hard to find a loyal bf these days, especially one willing to move in with you and start a life. Don't fuck up a good relationship over lust. Tell your bf that you don't feel comfortable around this guy, stop taking to this guy and grow up.

No. 64685

Sounds like you have something good going here. Maybe tell your bf you think it would be fun to meet someone new? If you find someone you like better in your own time you wont need an excuse to turn this male roommate down.

No. 64695

You can tell him that even though you like this dude, you can't possibly live with a man that's not your bf. You would feel uncomfortable and limited, awkward, cautious. It's understantable, I know plenty of girls who would never ever move in with a (straight) dude, even a friend.
But then you would have to look only for a girl as your roommate lol.

No. 64698

Okay I would be on his side here, but the
>he says if I don't start being more intimate he can't go on
thing really pissed me off.

If he was really The One, you would not be feeling what you do now. I would advise going with your gut; you clearly want out. And no wonder. You're not for him to fuck, ffs. That "if we don't have sex - goodbye" thing is just plain ridiculous and childish. If that's his only response to your problems, then just ditch his ass. You either suppress your feelings and try to work it out or break up. But it doesn't seem worth the hassle. Yeah you may be super compatible, but so are many people. It doesn't mean you'd make a great relationship with them.
I may be a bit drunk but just break up with him and be free and flirt and get your experience, girl. Go go!

No. 64700

Thanks for the advice anon :)

No. 64704

I think it's actually really good of him put the relationship on ice when something like this hasn't been right, as opposed to bottling it up or giving her more flak about it.
>but anon it's not important
sex life is very important and even if he's not playing 4d chess and is just being shallow/not understanding, he just did the right thing for the wrong reason - she thinks her attraction to him has notably dropped, she's been fantasizing about throwing away her relationship/"best friend" and their mutual friends because she wants to be with someone else just for the sake of it, and she's jealous of her friends for being able to flirt with everyone.

You're both bad at communication. You both seems shallow. You probably should break up.

No. 64726

He bought you the heels; I think wearing them should be fine. He either doesn't care, or likes it. That said, if you don't find him attractive, that's valid.

No. 64846

Ugh I need help with this.
Backstory: I dated a guy in HS who turned from a sweet, smart choir kid into a fuckboy cringe stoner who humped anyone who walked by and posted photos and videos CONSTANTLY of himself smoking pot. Like multiple times a day smoking.
My best friend started smoking, instantly fell into a shit crowd and went from an average good kid into bouncing off with random dudes she's met.
years later, new best friend does basically the same shit, doesn't go to work, just wants to get stoned.

All of this has led me to not want people around me smoking because 3/3 have been bad situations. My boyfriend and I have been dating 9 months, he smoked in the past but stopped but now he wants to start again.

We've been fighting over this for 2 months, and he can't understand me not wanting to be around him when he smokes or wanting him to smoke at all. He swore up and down he wasn't gonna be like the rest, he wasn't gonna be a cringe stoner kid and was gonna keep it private.
He bought a pipe and one of the first things was "I want to post a photo of it." he didn't after I said it was a bad idea and he agreed, and he didn't post.
I told him today that I'd have to stop giving him grief over it and just let him do what makes him happy, but a few hours later he bought a grinder and wants to show how funny the design is and I know he's gonna post it somewhere.

He doesn't even have the money for pot right now but he's gathering up the gear for it. It started out as for his insomnia and it's juts progressed to "I can smoke whenever I want to, don't ruin my high because you have a problem. I don't want to worry that we're going to have problems because I want to smoke."

It's just getting really frustrating that he'll pull the "but you're okay with me drinking" card when I've told him I don't like it when he drinks either.

I read 10 different advice pages and they all basically said "either start smoking or break up bcs stoners want to have fun not deal with lame bitches." But I hate the smell of it and it makes me violently ill, not to mention the past shit history.

I'm just trying to avoid the topic when he brings it up now. Idk what to do.

No. 64847

Samefag but I realize I'm making this out to be like he's some massive dick who doesn't care about me.
We're long distance so it's not a problem now but I'll be there in 3 months to stay with him and I don't want it to be an issue.
I have major trust issues with cheating due to the asshole stoner guy and another ex of mine, but not my current bf. Up until recently I had access to all of his accounts but I logged out of them because I was driving myself insane thinking I was gonna find some proof of him cheating. I'm always going to associate smoking pot with others as a chance to get high and bang some rando who's there for free weed.

I don't like him smoking, I hate the idea of it, and I also hate the idea of him being able to chat to his female friend about smoking since she smoked too. I just struggle a fuck ton with this. I want him to be able to talk to me about everything but I also just see it as him being a cringe stoner to gush over a stupid pipe and a stupid grinder that he shouldn't have even bought since he's got other things to use that money on.

A lot of this is me being jealous, him being stubborn and us having shit communication. Idk man I just don't want this to go down like everyone else where they swear they're gonna be chill about it, keep it occasional and private and then suddenly they're slapping bong stickers on everything, posting their pipes, posting their piles of cheap weed.

No. 64849

>>4 inch shoe lifts

I-I never heard of these. I'm a 4'11" female. Apparently wearing these with loafers would bring up to the average U.S. female height.

Has anyone else here tried these?

>>Sage for off-topic, but this is pretty cool!

No. 64857

I'm in a similar situation, anon. I met a guy online and we had many similarities in common, we decided to meet up and when we saw each other, we realized we were about the same height (5'4). One of the first comments he made to me was "oh you seemed like you would be shorter" a-ahaha…

I started dressing more feminine over the years and I love wearing wedges now but I feel bad knowing I would be taller. I'm not personally sure what to do since we're still new to each other but since your case is different and you've known each other, it's honestly however you feel and if you feel that is a legitimate reason to cut things off because you do not find him attractive and feeling worse about it so be it I guess but always weigh out the pros and cons of your situation before acting out on them.

I haven't had personal experience but there was a buzzfeed video about it a few weeks ago if you want to see them in action: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8H8iqtznYPk

No. 64859

weird he said something like that to you when he's the one with the height anomaly

No. 64872

If I'm being honest he's already pushing you and breaking your rules already. You didn't want him to smoke, so he bought a pipe and grinder. You didn't want him to post and it looks like he might. It seems pretty inevitable at this point that he's going to do it no matter if it makes you happy or not.

If you still want to stay with him you're gonna have to get used to him smoking or let it go. Maybe ask him to smoke when he's in the house at first so he can convince you that he's a "chill" smoker and he's not gonna go out and do anything weird or change.

You said you'd asked other threads about this before but I think you just dont wanna hear the answer which is get used to it or leave

No. 64874

He sounds young, immature, and cringe. He will probably grow out of this phase, as most of my friends did. Or get arrested (as some of my friends did as well lol).

My advice is either break up, or ask him not to smoke when he's around you/when you visit. That's only respectful since it makes you physically sick. If he can't do that, he's not worth it.

No. 64878


Oh no sorry anon I wrote that weirdly, I mean that I'd read articles and threads on how to handle a partner smoking when you don't, I hadn't asked anyone else. This is the first time I've spoken to anyone else about it. I wanted to know how to deal with the smell, handle your time together, how to not be angry at it existing and all the advice was basically saying:
"You're gonna either break up or smoke.
You're gonna have to adjust to the smell.
You're gonna end up eating edibles so get used to it.
You're gonna end up waiting around a lot while they get high, get used to it."

It was frustrating that all of the advice was that over and over, saying it's unfair for you to ask them to stop smoking but it's fine for them to ask you to join since you'll be more fun that way.

I ended up getting extremely salty about it tbh. Nothing I looked up did give any real advice, I don't want to make him feel like he has to hide it from me. I just want help on dealing with it.

Yeah, he's 19 and I'm 23 so it's just an age thing I think. He's in the same spot as my ex was now I think, I hope he doesn't go down the cringe path.

He did agree to not smoke it around me while I'm there, and part of me is praying he'll realize he doesn't need it to relax when I'm there. He was offered it twice by my friend when he visited me earlier this year but he declined because he said he felt perfectly fine without it, he was happy and didn't need it. I gave him permission to but he still declined.
It's only been since he's left and gone back to his shitty family situation that he's felt the urge to do it.

I think it's really just a depression thing for him and I get angry at myself for feeling like I'm not enough to keep him happy and end up lashing out over it. LDRs suck and depression sucks too, but he's definitely worth all the hassle.

He did admit he shouldn't have bought either of the tools for it, he did it on impulse after having to be around his horrible mom all day. I just wish I was enough to keep him happy.

No. 64881

If he’s smoking to get away from a shitty situation out of his control he’s gonna go down the cringe path. Never met a cringier group of people than depressed stoners.

No. 64885

You're just gunna have to trust him and stop nagging him - you're not his mom and he doesn't need your permission to do things. You just need to work on your own insecurities otherwise you'll end up making him do it more and become cringier out of spite.

>I wanted to know how to deal with the smell, handle your time together

The smell will disappear quicker than cigarette smoke, IME. Just establish some agreed upon boundaries i.e. no smoking inside or only smoking at night/after work as a way to unwind?

>I get angry at myself for feeling like I'm not enough to keep him happy

I mean.. you know that's not how mental illness works. Why not try and get him to pursue other hobbies when you move in? Find other couples to hang out with, go hiking/biking etc whatever? You're letting your own insecurities cloud your judgement so much that you're coming off as selfish. Just be supportive and trusting but firm with boundaries.

No. 64886

I just feel frustrated that basically everyone backs him up on this that if he's happy, it's what matters and I have to suck it up. It feels like what I want doesn't matter, and everyone is always gonna defend it from his end. If I'm unhappy I'm the one who has to leave instead of him just finding other things to do than smoke, and there's virtually no compromise on the topic itself. Compromise is me giving in and letting him do whatever he wants even if I absolutely hate it. He wouldn't approve of me going off and popping party pills but I've got to accept his weed.

I guess I'm just mad that he agrees that I'm the one with the issue and I have to get over it without any kind of give on his end.

No. 64892


What kind of things has he mentioned really bother him that you do? Has he talked about the things he would like you to compromise over, aside from the green issue?

I've smoked for years and it does less than 30% of what it used to when I first started. You should never, ever post anything related to it since it is still illegal in most places.

It is very, very different than popping pills or using coke.

If he's happy, AND able to keep a job AND keep the house tidy AND be a decent human being, then yes, you will have to suck it up. If he was a massive train enthusiast who still saved some money, but thrifted in everything else to afford a massive train station, you're going to need to decide for yourself if you're in or out.

No. 64893

i'm so depressed, /g/

i moved across the country to live with my boyfriend and i'm so lonely and miserable. i hardly see him because of his job and my social anxiety has hit peak high. i don't leave the house and don't own any form of transportation, so meeting people isn't going to happen. my SO is good to me and cares a lot about me but my relationship is… boring and unsatisfying. i keep thinking about leaving. i could break my lease and go or i could wait months until it's up and go back home. we've sacrificed so much to be with each other, but this isn't the life i wanted. i still don't have my shit together and i'm not ready to live the settled down life that we do. what do i do?

No. 64894

The thing is, you ARE the one with the issue. I'm really not sure what you expect because you're only argument against it is personal experience and nothing else. Just lay down some ground rules with him such as he shouldn't smoke when you're over, when something important is coming up etc.

You can't just tell him to not do it for no reason and think he'd be okay with it. Especially in a LDR.
It really only sounds like you're upset because you can't have it your way. Try to see the situation objectively. If something happens such as he's increasingly getting to work late/ his performance is slacking you would have an argument. Have some trust in your partner.

Talk to him about it. Be open. Can you see a health care specialist? It would be good if you could work on your social anxiety and it might make you more comfortable. Could you get some sort of transportation? Do you work? Anything to get you out of the house would probably make the situation better. Yeah, social anxiety and depression suck but it's also getting worse by sitting at home all day and doing nothing. Something to do such as school/ work/ volunteering can make such a big difference (been there). Otherwise maybe try to visit your family and see if you really want to move back or not.

No. 64895

Get some paper and a pen, because it's time for some 'pro and con' lists.

Social anxiety needs some help, starting with a doctor (if you don't have one). Tell them you'd like to get a referral to speak to someone with the relevant credentials to help with social anxiety, and if necessary, mild medication until you start getting the help you need.

Not owning transportation is, depending on where you are, really shitty or not a big deal. If there are buses, I suggest maybe a library visit or go to the mall, even if it's just to do one full lap of each level and leave without buying anything.

Relationships are…well, books are written, but both people have to put in work. If it's boring and unsatisfying yes you need to think about what he's bringing to the table, but you also need to look at what you bring to it.

Why go back home, what is there that draws you - friends, family, a career? If so, why did move so far instead of trying to find a middle ground, literally. Depending on career finding something else is feasible in a move, others not so much.

What life did you want with him? When you thought about it, is this what you imagined? You said "this isn't the life I wanted", but not 'wanted with him' - do you see your life radically different than this, to the point where you doubt your partner would even consider it?

You don't have your shit together (no one does, but still) - what would help with feeling more together? Is it laundry and household chores that bother you, unfulfilled career ambitions, hobbies or interests you don't have the energy to pursue, ect?

Lastly, consider this - you uprooted yourself from everything you know. You might be going through a grieving cycle, and/or experiencing acute depression that coupled with high anxiety, has gone from "kinda sad, nothing is fun" to full on shut in.

No. 64896

It's mainly just other women. Like he literally can't fucking see when someone is hitting on him unless they straight up ask for a dick pic. He doesn't realize when he's flirting either and I've had to tell him over and over what things look like from my end when it happens and he gets mad and goes "Well that's not what it is, now is it? you just don't trust me." We've had issues with this a ton as well.

He doesn't have a job, not in school, lives with his mom which is completely understandable as I didn't move out til 21. But I know him, he's lazy af. I don't want pot making him even more lazy and unmotivated in life.

My issue started that he said it was going to be from his insomnia only, and then it jumped to "I can smoke how much I want, when I want, get over it, stop ruining my high, I can do what I want."

We just had a huge fucking blowup and he's even said if I make him stop smoking he's going to resent me and do it behind my back anyway. there's literally no way to win here so I just had to fold yet again and apologize and take the losing side. It doesn't matter if I'm happy or getting affection or made happy, I just have to churn out affection like a steam engine so he can reflect it back to me.

Now he's all apologetic for "putting me in this shit situation" but he's not sorry at all when we're in the middle of an argument over it and he tells me it's not worth it, he's done, and he's gonna do it anyway. It's only when I stop talking and go silent and stop responding that he's sorry for it.

I'm just tired of this and debating on if it's even worth.

No. 64898


I mean, if you're really against him smoking, and he's really insistent on smoking you really either have to deal with it or leave.

He's not going to stop or quit for your sake alone no matter how you cut it.

No. 64900

I want people like you as my friend.

No. 64917


He hasn't even started yet and doesn't plan to for a while. But we had our fight and it's done but it made me realize we have deep fucking issues in this relationship where if I have issue with anything he does, I just have to get over it.

Don't like him talking to a girl who fucking hits on him all the time? Get over it.
Don't like him playing games all day when we only have a few hours to talk? Get over it.
Don't get to watch movies on the weekends anymore? It takes too much time to set up, but I can play pugb and CS for 6 hours straight, get over it.

Any time we have a problem I'm the one who has to apologize and change my attitude or change what I think, or change what I do while he just says "I'll promise, but it's hard" and then literally makes no improvements at all. Any time he asks me to be honest and promises he won't get mad, I'm honest, he gets mad. I cave and apologize and tell him the answer he wants to hear, he gets even angrier for me caving.

I'm dating a fucking emotionally inept manchild, which at 19 I should have seen it coming, who makes 0 effort in this shit and I'm just tired of having to keep him happy while I'm extremely depressed since it's the 2 year anniversary of my sister's death in 3 fucking days but heyyy I'll just apologize and cave to him so he'll be happy. But oh wait that just makes him mad again. What a great fuckin relationship.

Sorry for the vent about this, it's just getting so tiring and I want to quit.

No. 64918

Your relationship with a 19 year old sounds similar to mine but my 19 year old bf has autism. Don't read into it, but there's a lot of signs here, maybe you should being it up.

No. 64920

File: 1500136435869.png (520.85 KB, 680x445, bcf.png)

>Haven't dated anyone in a year after last relationship ended amicably but mutually
>Really bad at telling if/when people are flirting with me
>New coworker hired
>Very attractive guy
>Into a lot of the same things I'm into
>Shrug it off since apparently he has a girlfriend
>We go on some group lunches and one day just go out for lunch together
>Lunch conversation is very friendly
>Learn his relationship is not only LDR but has soured greatly, sounds like they're about to break up
>Lunch over, he insists on paying for my lunch even after I say something along the lines of guys only paying for girls' lunches on dates
>Doesn't say anything about it not being a date
>Wait, has he been flirting this whole time or is he just being gentlemanly
>Don't know whether to pursue or not

Obviously I wouldn't even want to bring anything up until after they've broken up but I don't know how to interpret this at all.

No. 64921

More likely that their boyfriend is an asshole and your boyfriend is an asshole that happens to have autism.

No. 64927

Maybe I wasn't clear. What things do you do that bother him, that he would like YOU to compromise with? If he hasn't really said anything, you might need to back off and stop being naggy.

Yes, he might be lazy AF. To be honest the weed will just exacerbate what was already there, it's not like me or my fiance are rolling in dough and have high power careers. Also, if he's that unmotivated with most things, suggest a career in trades - hands on, never boring, decent money and very little school.

You also went on a tangent about 'being happy' and 'getting affection'. If those are things you're struggling with in the relationship, it isn't the weed. You don't need to churn out affection, no one can do that 24/7 for a person and it's unrealistic to keep it up. Drop that act very quickly otherwise he'll think 'you've changed' once you get more comfortable.

It seems like you're using weed as the scapegoat for your relationship issues. You need to ignore the weed and focus on the problems - him rejecting your point of view, not being happy.

I'm engaged with someone who sells videogames full time, ask me about being with a manchild any day. You need to spell it out sometimes - actually, a lot of the time - like saying "I'm very upset and stressed because of the anniversary of my sisters death. You've made it unbelievably stressful with this argument about weed, while forgetting how difficult this time is for me.

I honestly don't get WHY you hate him smoking weed so much, it doesn't sound like he's a motivated go-getter anyways, if you thought he was maybe your initial impression was wrong.

No. 64928

Doesn't matter, you work with him. Never. Ever. Dip. Your. Pen. In. Company. Ink.

Trust me on this. I've seen people lose jobs and good ones because of terrible work dynamics from shit like this. Be blunt and ask if he's flirting, and if so you appreciate it but because you're coworkers it can't happen.

No. 64940

File: 1500167782286.png (357.18 KB, 680x394, 30d.png)

>mfw almost everyone in my family met their spouses through work

I should clarify, we're not in retail or some shit like that where there could be drama. We work in completely different departments and the crossover between those groups is essentially zero.

No. 64942

LETS be honest: what a shady shithead already hitting on other girls before breaking up. Who knows if he's just straight up lying about his gf being annoying. I guess if you want to get cheated on he's fine.

No. 64950


You were right, and I hadn't realized it until writing out that vent that we use weed as a way to segue into our actual relationship problems. I mean I'm still uncomfortable with the idea of it and I've explained it to him before and he's made the promise that he won't start doing anything else, and he'll just keep it occasional and chill so we'll just have to wait and see on that aspect.

But we figured out that our big main problems are that the distance sucks, we both end up jumping to conclusions before the other person can even speak, and we're both depressed.

The distance we can't change, jumping to conclusions is something that we have to work on together and we need to have patience and understanding with each other and better communication, and as for us being depressed we both agreed to start working on ourselves and getting into new hobbies and doing things we enjoy.

I'm sorry to have shit up this thread so much with everything, but thank you everyone for your help.

No. 64951

Honestly the only time this is an issue is when one of you is in a higher position than the other
Ex: One of you is a manager or a supervisor and the other is an entry level worker.
If you're both entry level workers or, sometimes (depends on how your boss feels) both managers/supervisors it's fine.

I mean my science teacher in 7th grade and in 8th grade were married to eachother and they met at work.

Don't 'dip your pen" only if one of you is higher than the other or if you're too immature to handle a possible breakup while you're both employed.

Obviously OP should be fine.

OP go on the maybe date and just judge it based on how it goes. It should be pretty obvious if it' a date or not when you're actually there.

No. 64952

Wait I think I missed this part. I didn't know what LDR meant but i just figured it out.

OP this is a time you need to listen to your gut but at the same time I've been in LDRs and i've been flirty while in the relationship without it meaning anything so it could NOT be a date or he's just seeing what his options are since LDRs kinda suck (No offensive to anyone in them but they do). It's not the same without contact with the other person and he might just be tired of not being able to hold someone, hold their hand, go on dates, etc and that's not a crime. It's just bad if he doesn't break up with his girlfriend when he figures out that, yeah, he's over the LDR thing.

Play it by ear anon, someone's not automatically a scumbag for being lonely and LDRs are a one way ticket to lonelytown if you can't visit one another.

No. 64954

How do I deal with my boyfriend being much more attractive than me? We're in a LDR which makes me even more insecure, because he goes without seeing me for a month at a time. I'm sure that women who are much more attractive than me hit on him. I feel bad for being with him, he should be with another attractive person, not me.

No. 64956

Sounds like you need to work on your self esteem, anon. If he thought he was too hot for you (or better than you in another way), he wouldn't be in a relationship with you. Even if he is more physically attractive, he's choosing to be with you for a reason - your personality, intelligence, the way you make him feel, whatever it is. Try to see what he sees in you.

It sounds like you're worried about other girls because of your low self esteem, so fixing that should help that worry go away. I seriously recommend you start working on your confidence ASAP to prevent damage to what seems like an otherwise good relationship. Good luck

No. 64962

I was in an LDR with my bf for a while. My best advice is to work out. When you're not doing anything but watching tv do some sit ups and leg lifts. When you're getting ready to shower take sexy selfies. You can either send it to him or put it on your social media. A huge part of why I was so lacking in self-confidence was because I always looked at girls provocative selfies on social media or even on here but never took any of my own. That will really hurt your self-esteem.

When you feel yourself other people will feel you

No. 64963

*When you're getting ready to go out

Not shower, but hey if it works for you you can do that too lol

No. 64964

My boyfriend is possibly going to do a giant job shift and would be gone several states away for a month and I don't exactly know what to do while he's away.
I have no friends in real life, I work from home on commissions, and I have a very small family who lives an hour away. I've been trying to become friends with some cosplayers I follow on twitter but it's not working so well.
Any tips on anyone whose been in this sort of situation..?

No. 64971

stop being ugly? take care of your hair, skin, and body. it's pretty simple anon

No. 64973

is it normal for a guy to track your periods? my boyfriend has better track of my periods that I do

No. 64974

you haven't? I knew tons of LDRs that didn't have any cheating at all

No. 64976

>brags about girls wanting to get with him
>goes to bars a lot
>lied about going to sleep to talk to someone else
red flag anon, is he naturally shady though? I knew a few men who were naturally a bit shady but aren't cheating, while he is definitely showing signs of cheating, it may or may not be cheating, has he shown other signs? like hassling you about cheating?

No. 64978

You're a scumbag too.

No. 64984

I do weightlifting full body 3 times a week, cardio at least 30 minutes a day, and kickboxing twice a week. I also already take selfies to send to him, but I know I am not sexy. My skin is flawless, my hair is okay, and my body is unfixable.
I have no boobs, I have a small butt, big and broad shoulders, big ribcage, I'm the antithesis of sexy. Even before lifting I was flatchested an unattractive. I would have to get surgery to fix that, but I can't afford it financially and I can't take time off from working out.

No. 65021

Are you Canadian by any chance?

No. 65050

nah I knew several men who tracked their girlfriends/wives periods
never knew why but I guess it's to know when to buy them ice cream or know when to fuck

No. 65057

That's a hilariously cute reason to track it!

No. 65065

>I have no boobs, I have a small butt, big and broad shoulders, big ribcage
Start bulking and lifting? Everyone can build a nice ass if they try hard enough. Gaining weight can help you get some tit mass as well. (I went from AA to an almost full A cup, it's not much but it still helps.) And you could "even out" your shape a bit.

What you really need is some self confidence.
I know it sucks and hurts, been there, still bugs me sometimes. But you have to have some trust in him, otherwise things will only get worse.

No. 65073

Did you even read her post? Some. Ladies just won't look good no matter what. Big shoulders and small hips are one of them.

No. 65076

Ngl I didn't read every word, but what you say is subjective.

What I meant is that anon could try to even out her broad shoulders with increasing the size of her lower body, somehow I doubt she's a THAT lost cause.


No. 65132

First time posting on /g/
I've been with my boyfriend for over two years and we're both happy and in love, but we've always had problems in the bedroom.

Since the beginning, he has said he doesn't 'feel' much when we have sex, like I'm not tight enough for him? I've had two previous sexual partners and it's never been an issue before. I should mention I've never been pregnant/given birth so I don't understand how I can feel so loose? It makes me feel so worthless and inadequate. I do kegel exercises daily and have used kegel balls to help. There was an improvement (according to him) but it's still an ongoing issue. We rarely have sex because of it and when we do it's not enjoyable for me because I'm worrying the entire time if it feels good enough for him.

I recently found out that despite living together, he watches porn and masturbates almost daily instead of wanting to have any form of sex with me. And it's been happening for a long time now.

I really don't know what to do. He has mentioned it's not a deal breaker for him and wants to be with me regardless but who would want bad sex/no sex for the rest of their lives?

No. 65136

Was your current boyfriend experienced before dating you? Maybe he just has unrealistic expectations because he is used to putting a really tight grip on himself with his hand. I'm guessing he's not that small/thin since you didn't say anything about it. Personally, if your exes never complained then I'm going to take a wild guess it's your current bf's problems rather than your issue.

No. 65140

Seems like you still haven't read her post. Have you even stepped foot in a gym? Your advice is downright dumb. You can't widen your hips through gym anyway.

No. 65141

It's him, not you~! But nah seriously, he's probably deathgripping himself while jerking it. If he doesn't want to stop it I'd just leave.

No. 65143

Im pregnant.
I've been with my bf for 4 months now. I just told him I love him. He hasn't said it back, which is fine. We always use condoms, because I'm not on bc and he got his ex pregnant. I don't know if a condom broke or what happened.

I want an abortion. That's absolute. Neither of us want kids or are in the financial position to take care of one. Do I tell him? I really don't want to keep secrets from him, but I don't want to put a strain on our relationship or stress him out either.

No. 65144

Considering I go there 4 times per week, yes, I have. And I wasn't talking about hips silly. Yes, it's real stupid advice to gain muscle, sure.
It's my last post on this subject.

No. 65145

I think you should tell him. He does have a right to know, if you tell him you won't have to go through this alone.

No. 65150

I would tell him. This can be incredibly tough on you, emotionally or otherwise, even when you think you are prepared/ are okay with it. It's important to have someone at your side. If you decide not to tell him for any reason, make sure to have a good friend or family member that can pick you up.

But something like this would be a big thing to hide in your new relationship and it's better to tell him now than afterwards.

No. 65183

yeah he can be shady sometimes, like he'll leave and refuse to tell me where he went, but I try not to get all up in his shit and trust him, but it's not necessarily cheating that crosses my mind it's why he feels the need to not tell me, but he always hassles me and accuses me if I do something slightly out of routine, like I remember him calling me suspicious when I said yay before, sometimes he'll randomly say "hmm" out of frickin' nowhere, it just kinda upsets me how it's okay for him to be shady like that but my existence itself is suspicious and god forbid if I question him because even if I try to say anything about it I get the "stop thinking I'm going out to fuck any girl I see" excuse even if I hint that he's being shady about leaving and making a huge deal not to tell me

No. 65185

That's double standard. If he gets to go anywhere he wants without explanation, you get to do the same. You should point this out to him, that's really shitty on his part.

No. 65192

>says even out broad shoulders by increasing size of lower(wtf?)
>I'm not talking about hips!!!!1
What kind of shoulders are broad in side view? If it's broad we're obviously walking about front or back view.
>add muscle to even it out
>oh but I kno hips won't get bigger!

Dumb bitch that rides the bike at gym and thinks she's a pro because of it.

No. 65247

Any tips on how to stop having "intervirews" with my boyfriend?
It's sort of a problem. I like to hear him talking about stuff he likes and listen to him but he never asks me questions in return.

A week ago we were in a coffee shop and he constantly talked about the stuff he wants to do etc. and of course he answered them. But whenever I gave a statement or whatever where you could ask a question he ignored it.

>me: yea I talked with x friend a day ago and how she's doing in college, nothing interesting. But I thought I might start looking to which one I could go and do some research

>him: oh I wouldn't be surprised if x showed up here somewhere, she's everywhere haha


>him: -starts a different theme-

I don't know…maybe it's because we've been in a relationship for so long or he's lost interest, but this is starting to get to me. I tried talking to him but no luck…

>inb4 he sounds like a jerk, dump him

No. 65248

just talk to him about it? maybe he doesn't even realize that he's doing that.

No. 65279

I'm kinda like your boyfriend to my boyfriend…

I don't know, like sometimes he says something where I could ask a question, but I don't really think about it and kinda ignore it, and he drops the topic immediately after that. Then I think it must not have been very important or something and continue on. Sometimes I don't think about it, sometimes I just do not care to pursue the topic. But I think you and my bf just give up too quickly to let the conversation flow. Like just saying statements and expecting questions where you think is a where a question should be is like the opposite of natural and engaging conversation.

No. 65294

TL:DR my boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half and we've never had a fight. Is this weird?

for more context, we do have arguments, we get annoyed and fuck up, but it's never escalated into a me vs him style throwing insults type FIGHT. It's always a conversation about what the other did that was upsetting or possible reasons why we're irritable. They've been very emotional at times, but it's never been anger directed towards the other. If one upsets the other, we talk about it and apologize if necessary, then cuddle and maybe have make-up sex. I just think that we have excellent communication.

However, if I tell this to almost literally anyone else, they always seem to think that it's a bad thing. We don't avoid conflict, it's just never turned into an actual fight. I don't see how that is a bad thing?? when we first got together I was prepared for a fight to happen eventually because we're only human, but it just hasn't. I want to think that other people just don't like hearing that we don't fight because it makes them question the fighting that happens in their own relationships. But I don't give a shit about how much people fight as long as the still respect each other and make up with their partners.I just want to stop being judged for being in a calm stable relationship.

No. 65300

anyone telling you not fighting is a 'bad thing' is a miserable fuck trying to bring you down with them.

ur rs sounds healthy as fuck. case closed

No. 65301

oh my god babe leave his fucking ass and never ever look back!!!! let other women have his trash ass!!! if they even want him that is.

No. 65308

You indeed didn't read my post because I already lift 3 times a week full body and go through bulking and cutting cycles. I only rest in the weekend fully.

No. 65313

It's usually because the yelling-fights start around engagement/marriage, when you have to hash out your life plans together. If/when kids, career choices, what to spend money on, prenup agreements ect.

No. 65321

I mean unless he's bottling things up it could be bad but if just getting annoyed and talking it out shouldn't be a worry at all. You're both just good at talking it out.

No. 65322

Even those aren't a sign of the times unless they happen on a weekly basis. My parents have been married for 35 years and my mum still raises her voice at my dad sometimes when he does something turbo pants-on-head retarded.
Of course if they say something really hurtful to each other or start physically attacking one another it's obviously bad, but just yelling is fairly normal on occasion.

No. 65326

My bf watches teen porn. I already knew that he was into school uniforms, pigtails, that sort of thing. I was okay with it. Lately he's been watching porn ALL the time even though our sex life is great. I look through his browser history, it's 90% porn. I watched some of it and it kinda broke my heart. 18-19 year old girls as short as children. Dressed up in preteen underwear, getting fucked by their ''stepdads''. None of them looked older than 15. Just like those popup ads that creep you out because they look like child models. That's all he watches.

We're both in our late 20s. We have sex nearly every day and I do everything he wants in bed. I stay in shape and always make sure to look good for him. I don't know if I should tell him that his barely legal porn bothers me. I'm scared that I'll come off as an aging, bitter hag. It makes me sad because I only have eyes for him. I just can't compete.

No. 65333

What exactly is so great about him that you're torturing yourself like this? Kill him or dump him.

No. 65335

break up with him and tell him you want to raise kids and not have them be touched

men like him can be very harmful to kids

No. 65347

Thanks guys. He's the longest relationship I've had and only the second serious one. I was pretty sure that we were just good at talking things through but I haven't had enough of my own experience to know whether other people's "concerns" were genuine or just pettiness.

No. 65355

i might get shit on for this but unfortunately this seems very common. i watched a documentary on pedophilia recently that explained sexuality is not black and white where people are only attracted to children or not. unfortunately there is a large gray spectrum of men who can be attracted to adult women as well as teenagers or kids.

another thing is it's not totally weird in our society for grown ass men to think teenagers are hot nor is it uncommon for a lot of porn sites to have shit like "barely legal teen fucked by stepdad" on their main page. i think a lot of the time i see it as a category which means it is THAT popular. people like power over another, people like to touch something that is "pure" and there still exists a mentality, whether a dude realizes it or not, that the less men a woman has been with, the better she is.

so before you attack him for it, remember this is something that is in a sense encouraged by society (like why daddy kink is so popular now is beyond me) and might be worth approaching nicely to make him comfortable enough to get the real deal. if you start off accusatory he may get defensive and honestly if he is in fact mostly attracted to young girls, this will just kick start his shame cycle that'll eventually lead him to offending.

i'm not trying to rationalize this because i also think it's gross and creepy, but i have like 10% hope he falls into insecure creep category rather than secret pedophile

No. 65358

I'm just sad guys.
>husband and I don't share tastes in video games
>I suck it up a lot just so we can play games together and play what he likes a lot
>Hes played a game i enjoy with me ONCE
>He doesn't like board games but agrees to play monopoly with me because i have rick and morty monopoly we hadn't even opened yet
>We aren't even done setting it up yet and he's already complaining about it
>partway stops paying attention all together
>starts whining and "getting sick" when he's bored because he's hungry and won't feed himself (He left for the kitchen twice and came back empty handed because he won't fucking DO anything for himself)
>eventually he wants to stop playing "for awhile" because he "doesn't feel good."
>I go make him oatmeal hoping we can finish the game (Which I asked many times if he wanted to be done and he always said it was fine)
>He falls asleep after eating it
>Clean the game up sadly, not even sure who would've won

It just makes me feel like shit, like my interests don't matter. I'm also SICK AS FUCK of being his fucking food slave.

Second story from today
Foods my husband has eaten today
>A burger and fries from Wendys
>Spaghetti and garlic bread
Aside from the wendy's, which he bought (with money I gave him that he saved up but what fucking ever) I made both those meals for him
Heres what i ate today
>Wendys burger, fries and a small frosty
That's it.

But when I fucking passed out on the couch afterwards he kept waking me up because he still wanted the meatloaf I said i was making for dinner BEFORE He offered to take me to wendy's for a casual date (This is fine, don't judge the location, it was because he knew i didn't feel like getting dressed OR cooking).

I'm so fucking sick of it. He wakes me up asking if i'm still making dinner. When he wakes up the first thing he asks me is if i'm hungry or if i made dinner yet if he falls asleep during the day.

I'm just done. I'm in fucking tears because I've told him he's stressing me out and making me anxious and it just doesn't matter. HIS anxiety matters because it's new to him but I have to suck it up.

I'm so tired of this and it's making me act like a bitch because nothing i do fucking works. He doesn't change.

I'm so tired of this

Sorry guys i just legitimately have no friends who give a shit about me offline so this is my only outlet to cry about it. I don't want to leave him since he's my perfect match he just has a couple qualities about him that suck.

Lmfao when I found out he was bipolar I thought our biggest issues were going to be handling his manic/depressive moments, not him being too lazy to cook for himself

No. 65361

It's not at all common and the fact that you think it is frankly concerns me. Lots of men I know see them as immature and annoying, even when they're all tarted up. Only a particular subset of men enjoys whacking it to teens, and guys like that tend to also see all women like sex objects and their personal cheerleader-maids regardless of age.

No. 65363

pedophilia is so common… you don't know how many women i know who've been molested, and pretending it's not as big as it is and only centered to a certain population is a dangerous falsehood that perpetuates the issue not being brought to light. this isn't to say MOST men are like that, and i am glad you know men that are not, just it happens more than people think and i get that it's uncomfortable

No. 65373

Is this really someone you wanna be with, anon?
No offense, but does his favorable qualities really outweigh shit like "I can't care about your stress bc MUH ANXIETY"?
He can't even make a bowl of instant oatmeal? Is it because he doesn't know how, or because he doesn't want to? Maybe your next "date" idea should be teaching him how to cook, or cooking together.

Which reminds me–it's a really small thing in the grand scheme yet still–don't consider going to Wendy's a "casual date." For fuck's sake, that's just going to get food. That's no date. And if he's brainwashing you into thinking that's a "date" he sounds like an immature poorfag who just wants to get you to believe fast food is some huge favor.

No. 65377

You don't have to be his food slave. Next time he gets hungry just let him starve and whine and get mad or sick until he gets something to eat himself.

Even if you're a really good match otherwise, people need to eat multiple times a day and you should really consider if you can handle this kind of stress at any time of day, on any given day for the rest of the marriage (or your life).

No. 65378

I noticed a lot of nerdy guys have no interest in showing interest about anything their gfs like but get autistically mad when their bf doesn't care about their likes and interests. Why?

No. 65379

I noticed a lot of nerdy guys have no interest in showing interest about anything their gfs like but get autistically mad when their bf doesn't care about their likes and interests. Why?

No. 65380

He sounds really self-centered, and most geeky manchildren are. Shit, I'm not interested in half of the board and card games my bf begs me to play but I at least humor him and don't make him feel like shit for wanting to have fun.

No. 65386

because it's upsetting putting effort into a relationship you don't get anything out of

it's like if you had some shitty 9 to 5 job where they treat you like crap and didn't get paid

No. 65409

It's extremely common for men to prioritize a woman enjoying their hobbies. But when a man says he wants common interests with a woman, he means he wants a woman who likes everything he likes and agrees with him on everything. He doesn't have any interest in learning about women's hobbies in order to have some common ground, he just thinks he has objectively great taste in hobbies and any girl who likes them has good taste too. It's pure arrogance.

No. 65467

Ask him about it.

No. 65473

File: 1500959635881.jpg (12.19 KB, 344x209, sayaka.jpg)

This is the second time I post in this thread, I feel pathetic
I feel like I'm not fit for relationships, at all, or maybe I just don't do it right (?) lol
All my relationships last about ~5 months, after ~3 months I just start feeling REALLY disgusted with the person I'm with, and also really annoyed with everything they say and start hating little habits they have, etc, even when dating with people whom I've been friends with for years…
I feel like a bad person because of this, because after the breakup I never feel sad and they are always a fucking emotional wreck.
And this is happening rn, I know I will dump my bf soon, I'm just waiting for a while and thinking about what to say.
Do you guys think I should just stop dating? I really don't do this on purpose, I just don't know what happens lol,I also think I might be a lesbian - i've only ever dated men - but that might be completely wrong

No. 65476

My boyfriend and I get along amazingly. I'm not the jealous type and he was kind of surprised when I told him I don't care that he has female friends. Apparently his ex was super controlling and jealous. He's also been cheated on a lot.

I try to be friendly with everyone when we go to the bar with our friends. Even the people him and I don't like. He asked me not to except a drink from or talk to this creep that always hits on me. That's totally understandable and I didn't mind.

I was talking to another guy that hates my bf (I had no idea). He pulled me away and then left without kissing me. He told me he wasn't mad at me, he was just irritated with people. He was sincere. I know he's just really sensitive.

I love him so much and I just want him to know I would never cheat on him and don't have a single thing bad to say about him. I just want him to understand that I'm not like his exes.

I love my bf but he's sensitive and scared that I'm going to break his heart.

No. 65478

why the fuck do so many guys ignore their partner at the worse moment or act cold randomly

No. 65480

You should probably spend some time being single while you figure things out. Is there a possibility that something deeper is going on? If there is then you need to fix that. You definitely need to figure out your sexuality too - relationships with men are always going to be bad if you're actually a lesbian.

If you've got no underlying issues with your relationships, it may just be that you're a little immature - no offence meant because I am too, and this is the exact reason I can't deal with relationships. Maybe you just need to progress with how you deal with people and your patience etc before you can get into a serious long term relationship.

Either way, don't think you're undateable anon - you're fine, you just need to work on yourself a little

No. 65494

You sound really nice and caring, this seems more like his issue than it is yours. And saying you just want to show him you're trustworthy makes the situation about you, like his inability to trust is some reflection on you and you're taking it personally. Just keep doing what you're doing, and let him figure it out

No. 65512

File: 1501006714208.png (144.92 KB, 702x397, 1483362091607.png)

How do I bring up something to my already very body conscious bf? I feel awful but sometimes he has a bit of a BO issue and I really really don't want to hurt him by bringing it up out of the blue, but sometimes it's just really…obvious.

No. 65530

I'm attracted to girls so I consider myself bi, but unfortunately never got to the point of dating one so I have no idea.
I think you might be right about me being immature,
I really have no patience with most people and get easily bothered - which I'm aware is shitty, so I try my best to never be rude with anyone because of that, but the feeling is always there. I also feel like the fact that I'm somewhat autistic also plays a role in how bad my relationships end up being, so there's that. I think I'll just do what you said and stay single for a good while. Thanks a lot, anon, really.

No. 65556

If you want to mollycoddle him you can comment how nice you think a certain brand of deodorant smells, encourage him to buy a new brand or pick one up for him if you can, after he takes a shower comment on how nice he smells
You can level the playing field by being open that you too are a human that has to take steps to avoid body odor. Apply deodorant in plain sight in the mornings, be honest if you're about to take a shower if you feel smelly etc rather than perpetuating the idea that women are odorless beings that don't have to work at it too
It's good to just be open about these things tbh, if his ego can't handle it then how will he deal with other future problems?

No. 65563

Either you tell him or someone else will.

No. 65584

True. I just want to help him with his insecurities, but I guess he really needs to figure it out for himself. I've just never felt so strongly about someone before (and I was engaged).
This. When I started to quit smoking, my bf told me how nice I smelled. I know I used to reek of cigarettes, because family told me. But I never took it to heart until I realized my bf didn't like the smell. He's also really hygienic and I used to be just another dirty punk, but now I shower with him everyday.

No. 65615

I've decided to break up with my boyfriend because I fell in love with someone else, even though I can't be with him. I'm pretty mortified.

No. 65652

Please help

My boyfriend and I have been in a very long rough patch that I'm trying to resolve,a lot of which he is very spiteful or blames me for things but it all stemmed from him being dishonest and hurting me a lot. We are trying to fix this

Earlier this week we had a particularly bad argument and he lied to me then lashed out at me when he came clean to avoid blame, and didn't even apologise

Follow this with incredibly cold texts of which I was too upset to reply to

In the meantime my friend hangs out with me to help take my mind for things, and we end up cuddling because I need comfort and warmth. It doesn't go further and he just tries to relax me but now I'm in a mess because some people consider that cheating and honestly I'd be upset if my bf did that

However if I tell him he is so spiteful nowadays that I'm scared he'll use it against me or even do the same out of spite

But then I ask msuelf if I keep it from him because of all the shit he's kept from me and come clean later

Or do I just tell him now and risk him reacting badly? I hate lying and hiding so there is no way I can keep this from him forever because then it woukd just imply more than a cuddle happened when it didn't

No. 65668

Are you certain you couldn't keep it from him? Maybe it's not the best advice, but that's what I'd do. You didn't do anything wrong by platonically cuddling a friend when you were upset. Assuming you're straight, would you be having this dilemma if you cuddled a female friend? I would think not, so don't let yourself think it's worse than that just because it was a guy.

If you really can't keep it from him, then you've got two basic options: tell him now while everything's shit anyway and risk it getting worse, or tell him when things are calmed down and risk ruining that. Option 1 is good because you can get it out of the way, but it'd also mean that he'd have something to use as ammunition against you. Option 2 is good because he might be in a better mindset to find this out, but he'd question why you hadn't told him before and it might seem like you're the one ruining things.

Ultimately you know your boyfriend and the situation better than anyone, so you should choose. Just make sure if/when you tell him, you're very clear about what happened. On a side note, he sounds quite difficult (being spiteful and blaming you for things which are his fault), and it reads like he's not very committed to working things out. You obviously care about him a lot but remember to put yourself first. If he continues like this, you deserve better.

No. 65673

That was the most balanced advice I've read in a long, long time. I hope anon uses it.

No. 65677

As harsh as it sounds, tell him to grow up and treat you better, if he refuses to do so, leave while you can

He sounds too immature to be in a serious relationship, with the cuddling situation with your friend, its really no big deal because all it was cuddling,not really something to worry about

No. 65880


thank you, in the end I told him and he was fine with it, just a bit pissy but alright

my main problem now is just the velocity of our arguments, he got so angry earlier he drove back home and it's a three hour drive all because he hurt me and I was upset that instead of apologizing he just gave excuses

I really wish he valued me more because nowadays all he does is scream at me and I feel like he wants me gone

the entire argument started because I just ended up saying I felt my novelty was wearing and asked him if i was being strung along and if I should give up. Instead of being understanding he got really cold about it and made me cry, and lashed out

I don't know how to make him stop lashing out and start respecting me more.

No. 65974

my fiance and i were supposed to start looking for venues as the wedding is supposed to be in about 1.5 years. I want a frugal wedding(3-6k) and i am not a diva. He thinks this means my parents can pay for everything. We normally split things down the middle. My e-ring was also inexpensive(my favorite gemstone, by my choice) so he can't pull that card.
What do I do?

No. 65982

You tell him that your parents can't/won't pay for everything/anything and that you want a frugal wedding that you share expenses for.

No. 65991

I'm in an LDR and I'm finally at the point in my life where I'm finally an adult, therefore am able to leave my overprotective parents house and do what I want, the problem is, I cannot find a job, I'm applying every single day since I was 16, only ever got a few calls back and a few interviews but never hired. I keep having anxiety for all the pressure put on me and I can't do any shit at all until I have a job which I can't even get despite me putting copious amounts of effort into it and it's making me anxious because I see all my friends have jobs, get into college (which I'm trying to do but can't even fucking do because I have no way to pay for it)

moving out won't be a problem until because I am trying to get roomates to split an apartment with, but the job part is driving me crazy and putting extreme amounts of stress on me because it feels like there's no time left and I want my significant other to come but my parents never let me leave the house and watch my every move and if they did come here we wouldnt even be able to be together because of my crazy obsessive parents
basically I need help getting a job, dealing with anxiety and stress from time running out, and explaining to my significant other and I don't know what to do I don't want them to think I am lazy or I don't want to meet them I really do., I considered selling my eggs but I know he won't like that

No. 65993

Late but yes, why?

No. 66001

Are you volunteering and taking part in projects whilst applying for jobs? Lots of people whine about how applying for jobs 24/7 should lead them to one but it's just not the case. An employer doesn't care how badly you want that job when there's a year of empty space on your CV because it makes you look lazy.
Even if you can't find a charitable way to volunteer your time, you can big up whatever you do at home. Read online guides for how to talk about these experiences in the right lingo e.g. "organized her medical appointments, travel and took responsibility for attending to her strict daily medication needs" rather than "I took care of my sick aunt". You're stressing out at everyone else being at point z, when really you're in a good position (housed with internet, you have a LDR) to just make a good effort with point a. One step at a time, first get a job and then plan from there.

No. 66002

exactly what I'm doing , I volunteer when I can, the job economy right now is just shit and is impossible for anyone without connections to get one, I moved around a lot throughout my life, and can't find the right people. It sucks because I planning to go to college here but can't even find a job to at least move out

No. 66005

Just broke up with my bf of 5 years because it turned out to be super shitty. I love being single but now for some reason I have this weird infatuation with a male friend online. Problem is I don't really know him well, but we play games together and he seems really interesting because of his music taste, and how he's always really nice to me. Plus he's hot as fuck and I wanna bang him. I know it's probably just a rebound thing, but I can't help but to always wait for him to PM me, or reply to my messages when he wakes up. I feel excited to talk to him every day. Is it a rebound, do I actually like him or am I just horny? I'm starting to feel butterflies, but again it could just be my vagina screaming for cock.

No. 66012

Are you me? We're pretty much in the same situation with overprotective parents as an adult and in a LDR though I have a (shitty) job and would never sell my eggs. Gl, anon. Sending you good vibes.

No. 66015

I think you're just cocksick, friend. if you've been out of the relationship for less than three months, don't make any rash decisions around dating/fucking someone new. Three months is generally how long I've noticed it takes to get some clarity and start evaluating people realistically again, not just "nice and probably has a penis"

If you wanna bang him, go ahead, but try and be honest with how you're feeling to both yourself and him. five years is a decently long time to be with someone and to have constant dickings to hand. Adjusting from that will take a little bit.

No. 66017

>boyfriend and i have been going through a rough patch
>feeling very manically depressed and he knows it
>texts me we can cuddle and hang out after i finish work
>i ask him if we can make brownies and he says yes
>text him after work and ask him where he is
>says he won't be long, getting coffee with friend
>texts me and says we should go get dinner
>i text and say ok, can i come say hi
>his friend is a girl who is going through a rough time too
>she is very pretty and his type but i trust him
>go say hi, a bit awkward
>she goes to bathroom
>he turns to me and says i want to spend time with her because she's feeling shitty, can you go home
> i leave
>immediately burst into tears
>text him how this upset me because i feel (2 year girlfriend) less important than a not very close friend
>he replies "i know"
>he knows im upset and doesn't even come back
> 4 hours pass, im trying to distract with my flatmates
>have a panic attack and call him frantically
>he only comes after i cry on the phone hysterically
>i'm feeling extremely hurt he values her over me
>he said he fucked up and he didn't want to hurt me
>the girl even told him what he did was fucked up
>i yell at him all night about how he doesn't care about me
>he said he just was trying to be nice to his friend and me at the same time
>why am i not the priority?

i dont want to break up after a massive fight

No. 66018

sounds like he just did a massive fucking stupid. Men do it sometimes anon, they don't realise that the " Right" thing is actually completely dumb because they're viewing it form a completely opposite context. my boyfriend did something similar over the weekend. You absolutely should be his priority, and he ought to know that. However, there's a chance that he's feeling very drained emotionally with trying to support and love you while you're depressed. It hurts to watch someone you love suffer. Maybe he wanted to give support to his friend because he feels like he can actual help her instead of watching you be upset and trying his best and still not being able to make you feel better. It was absolutely still a poor choice but it wasn't malicious. You have every right to be hurt, but if he's genuinely apologised and understands why the choices he made were wrong, I don't think you need to break up with him.

No. 66019


ty anon, i actually didn't think about it like that, he probably felt like he can offer her more emotional support than me right now.
the thing is, and this is a big but, i drunk cheated on him (i guess - we've been very on and off, and he's been very distant) on the weekend with a guy he knows i've always liked, and although he was mad in a humiliated way, he said he didn't blame me. he KNOWS he's a shit boyfriend. i've been trying to talk to him about it and we have but i think this was him just trying to piss me off, in a way, although i don't think he was pre-meditating that, it was subconscious.
i just wish he hadn't said we were going to do nice things. i really needed some love yesterday and he wasn't there for me. he's never treated me like that before and it makes me thing we're actually over.

No. 66028

>five years is a decently long time to be with someone and to have constant dickings to hand
Problem is we stopped having sex ages before we broke up. During our last year together we only maybe did it like 10 times and the sex was terrible. My libido was also way higher than his. But you're probably right, I'm hungry for some good cock. Been for a very long time.

No. 66030

You're the one who cheated, and you call him a bad boyfriend? Bitch, please.

No. 66038

Just break up already. Clearly the two of you are miserable together.

No. 66041


>I really needed love

Well buttercup, he really needed you to close your legs. The two of you should break up.

No. 66042

I'm the anon who first replied and only ten times? the whole year? jesus, I would feel very unappreciated and unwanted. Go get yourself a dicking, it sounds like you deserve it tbh

No. 66048

File: 1501756004768.jpg (82.42 KB, 569x466, 1494545618682.jpg)

>23, still haven't had sex
>Don't really want to either, really go from meh to repulsed about the idea
>I don't mind hearing about what other people do or reading smut but don't like the idea when I picture me being involved
>Not in a relationship but what if someone liked me, how would that go down
>Want a significant other but probably won't be able to have one without hurting them due to this

These feels, they hurt.

No. 66051

Add on a severe lack of emotional availability and general disgust for physical contact and you've just described me to a T, anon. I don't really want a partner–because of how I am, I'd only turn to ending the relationship anyway–though the idea of having one is nice.

While I've already made up my mind on the matter, there's still hope for you. I'm loathe to use this term, but there are plenty of asexuals out there who I'm sure are relatively normal. There's always ace specific dating sites too, if you ever wanna bite the internet-dating bullet.

No. 66067

I know it's perfectly normal to feel attracted to other people while in a relationship, as I've been told by many people before. My boyfriend knows about little crushes I have on actors or other famous people, but I sometimes get little crushes on some people in real life and find myself being extra nice and kind of flirty to them, (I wouldn't say smiling at people and being chatty is flirting because my job is in customer service, but some guys take that and have hit on me because of it) I like the attention from guys because I've never really had too much male attention, but of course would never dream of cheating and mention I have a boyfriend if it gets too serious. My boyfriend doesn't know or seem to mind when I tell him guys have hit on me but I still feel guilty. Is this my fault and should I try to stop it, or is being hit on a normal thing that I just have to deal with?

No. 66069

>>have bf
>>he talks about male friend i never Met
>>break up after 3 years
>>hes butthurt but fuck that
>>5 months? Pass and go to party
>>his friend is there but i dont know him
>>he adds me on Fb and i still dont know him
>>dont even talk at party
>>flash forward to now, 1 year after breakup approx
>>now kinda recognize friend
>>have fun and talk together
>>go up to bed and do stuff with clothes on
>>make plans to hangout
>>he has to go to france in 2 days
We leave party and share a cab, we talk on Fb and cant meet up because something tells me he hope we Can hangout another time, Tell me hell buy me french Wine with him home, suddenly hear Nothing from him for 3 days.

Help me guys im in love, did my ex Tell him off? I Think he didnt know i was his ex also, do i text him?

No. 66070

File: 1501786689589.jpg (26.82 KB, 442x494, tumblr_inline_oq4m1ob90x1ub0zb…)

So I've been dating this guy for pretty much a year, all LDR. Out of nowhere he gets the idea to go to an exchange year to Japan (big surprise) even though I'm moving to his state in the summertime, which is when he wants to go. That means I'll have to wait another year to meet him. He's on the fence about whether or not he should go.

I know how much this trip means to him, though. He's very interested in Japan/Japanese culture. It could be a great opportunity for him, but on the other hand, if he goes then we won't be able to talk much due to time zones and the relationship will fall apart. Also, he is very attracted to Japanese girls to the point where it's kind of uncomfortable. And I don't know if I want to wait another year to see him. I'm an adult, I'm ready to stop dating online and I think I am really in love with this guy. Am I being inconsiderate for disagreeing with this trip? I haven't told him how I feel about it yet but every time he talks about going away I get depressed.

I would feel bad making him choose between a trip that could very well be a great experience for him, and me. I don't know what to do.

No. 66074

you're not being inconsiderate at all, i had a similar situation but i set out an ultimatum that he can meet me by a certain date or i'm finished with the relationship

he can't expect you to wait around forever while he goes out and fulfils his weeb desires

No. 66076

I think there are two things you need to consider here, one regarding to you and the other to your bf. First, how much it bothers your boyfriend. From what you said it doesn't seem to bother him at all. As for yourself, I think you have to ask yourself if you are being nice to them because you like the conversations (in other words, you would do the same if they were girls) or because you feel something else when you talk to them. In this case, maybe you should consider not being so "flirty", if you think you are doing so. But from what I've read it seems you are overthinking this.

No. 66083

If he's not going because of you, he might blame you for a long time down the road. I honestly think you're not in a state where you should tell him to not go, it's a major love experience and you haven't even met yet. And it might be good for you to meet some new people and find someone new. If he's even considering it I'm not sure how serious he is. My partner had a great job offer in another city and turned it down right away because he didn't want to leave me here or create a weird situation between us.

No. 66084

Life, not love. Sorry, I can't delete my post on mobile for some reason.

No. 66105

guys who have an obsession with japanese girls are almost always ugly, annoying and make awful boyfriends

just ditch him while you can
I'm the anon from the loser boyfriend thread whos ex had an obsession with japanese girls who later found out he had been legit stalking his jap ex and some other asian women

No. 66111

Any advice on how to stop being so jealous? About literally everything.
It's 100% me. My boyfriend doesn't do anything wrong. We're in a long distance. He doesn't talk to other girls, like their stuff on social media, hang out with other girls or any of that. I have no reason to think he would do anything to hurt me.
But for some reason I get jealous when he goes out with his friends, mostly because I don't like them (because they are annoying manchildren but that's not the point) and just get annoyed when he goes to hang out with them but I don't show it. I also get jealous when he makes any positive comment about another girl, it's fucking ridiculous. I'm just so insecure and he knows that and tries to reassure me but I don't want him to feel like he has to walk on eggshells when he talks to me. I could just you know not say anything when I get jealous and deal with it (which is what I usually do) but then I just get a horrible bottled up feeling and when we fight/argue it all comes out and I look super crazy
I just want to be not like this :^)

No. 66113

I'm the exact same anon. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that you guys are long distance. There is a lack of control that you would otherwise have if you guys were together in person. My bf is LDR and when he hangs out with his friends I feel pissed and jealous because he's not talking to me, and I get even more mad when he tries talking to me while he's hanging out with them (even though he's just trying to be considerate!) I think it will definitely go away with time, but try not to be too hard on him if he isn't doing anything wrong. Maybe try discussing your jealousy with him, don't blame him for anything, just mention how you feel and vent to him about it and he will probably keep it in mind.

No. 66115

i am like this too, but my problem is more retroactive jealousy, and comparing myself to exes. i don't care if my bf goes out with friends/family because i know if i control him that way, he will just dump me. plus it's really not fair.
but being jealous and insecure of other women is kinda more human nature to me, it all comes from a place of insecurity within yourself, why don't you feel you are good enough for him?

No. 66120

I've had the same issues and still do to this day, but they're significantly better. He's completely open and honest with me and would never want to cheat on me, and those are calming factors. Plus that I'm bi so we can say "girls like this are cute" or "your friend ___ is adorable" and it's sweet and harmless.

It's going to take loving yourself more and trust, as stupid and cliche as it sounds. Be open about how you feel like you're being weird and want it to stop, and maybe he can comfort you enough to make it chill a little. I've taken to screenshotting messages that calm me and keeping them in a folder.

specific reply to part of yours, although I sorta was thinking of you in my reply too, but I do the thing with exes. Even now. I compare myself negatively to a lot of people because it feels like I don't do enough or need to be better. The reality is if you're trying the best you can with the resources you have, that's it, and not only that, but he's with you and not his exes for a reason.

No. 66140

This, if she goes she'll be stuck with her gross weeb bf ogling all the cute Japanese 70lb girls.

No. 66143

ikr, plus it will be funny watching him get rejected by all his waifus aka any woman with japanese blood, unless he got cash

No. 66144

Thank you anons! Yeah, I'm sure it has a lot to do with the distance. I really like the idea of screenshotting comforting messages, I actually already kinda do that but thought it was weird haha.

I just have really awful self esteem, and I always need a lot of reassurance.