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/g/ - girl talk

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File: 1656417788992.jpeg (165.03 KB, 700x950, BE007DE3-1EF9-4FDE-9068-DE12AF…)

No. 272415

No. 272416

This pic
Anon, pls

No. 272418

good one, reminds me of my friend's couple pics, literally this exact pose everytime.

No. 272425

>>272387
>>272388
Wtf did I just read??

No. 272426

>>272425
When autism speaks

No. 272443

>>272425
Damn, nonnies aren't lying when they say that Twitter wokies browse this place secretly.

No. 272446

>>272425
I stopped reading halfway through because it sounded like a moid.

No. 272477

File: 1656459088254.jpeg (689.53 KB, 828x1100, A1657D1D-F8C5-4E92-AB92-8DC202…)


No. 272484

I started dating a guy recently, we really like each and have discussed getting serious. He's mentioned that he 100% does not want children and does not plan on having any. That hasn't bothered me because I'm unsure if I want kids myself, and if I were to have them it wouldn't be for another 5 to 10 years.

But now I'm a little worried…since there is a chance I'll want kids later, I'm not sure if it's smart to continue a relationship with someone who isn't interested in the idea. I don't want to waste time on something that won't work, and I don't want to be naive and convince myself that he'll change his mind later. He's my ideal guy so this is pretty much the only con for me. Anons is it better to let it go early or am I thinking too much too soon and should wait to see how our relationship develops?

No. 272507

>>272484
This would be a deal breaker for me personally. I was the same as you–unsure about kids at first but now that it's been 6 years, I definitely want them. Its hard to say if he'll change his mind or not especially if he's currently 25 or younger. 5-10 years definitely goes by pretty quickly.

No. 272509

>>272484
>since there is a chance I'll want kids later, I'm not sure if it's smart to continue a relationship with someone who isn't interested in the idea.
But anon you could be dating a guy who's on the fence like you and still end up mismatching in 5-10 years because you decided you want them and he decided he doesn't. Or you could be dating someone who definitely wants them and end up mismatching because you end up deciding you don't want kids after all.

Normally I'd 100% agree with absolutely not dating someone you know who has a different wish regarding kids from you but what are you gonna do if you don't know what you want yet? Not date for 5-10 years until you finally do? I mean I guess it's an option but who wants that.

Personally, if you know you're learning towards not having kids I'd take the goddamn risk and date the man (if he still wants to date you knowing you're undecided). There's no way of planning for something you haven't made up your mind up about so you might as well take the risk. Or not if that's not worth it to you.

No. 272512

>>272509
I agree. Especially if anon is thinking “maybe 5-10 years in the future,” that’s a pretty long time. It’s important to be on the same page about things like having kids, but if you haven’t even made up your mind yet, there’s no need to rush.

No. 272514

>>272509
Let's be real, most women eventually want kids. Even the once who say they for sure don't want any ever in their early 20s change their tune in their 30s. Someone who is "unsure" and already thinking about it this way will eventually want them. It's better to find a guy who wants kids too.

In my personal opinion it's also a huge red flag if a guy doesn't want kids. It's like he's admitting that he wants no responsibility ever and is probably a hedonist who will try to find his "fulfillment" in other ways. Usually by partying forever and never growing up.

No. 272518

>>272514
>Let's be real, most women eventually want kids. Even the once who say they for sure don't want any ever in their early 20s change their tune in their 30s.
I'm 30 and this definitely is not a true statement for majority of my friends around my age. Not wanting kids doesn't have to be a red flag either if someone is a responsible, mature person in other areas of life.

No. 272523

>>272514
>Let's be real, most women eventually want kids.
I find it curious you say that when fewer women want kids as we gain rights, education and financial independence. This is an actual statistic trend if not downright considered a "problem" in developed countries. Maybe 60 years ago it was true but I don't think it goes without saying that a woman will eventually want kids in the year 2022 whatsoever.

>In my personal opinion it's also a huge red flag if a guy doesn't want kids. It's like he's admitting that he wants no responsibility ever and is probably a hedonist who will try to find his "fulfillment" in other ways. Usually by partying forever and never growing up.

I know we hate men here but you're making big assumptions on the characters of all men who don't want kids based on that one factor completely disregarding any consideration a man might have for not wanting kids and their levels of responsibility and maturity in other aspects of their lives.

How is this relevant anyway? Even if true, what does it matter that "all men who don't want kids are irresponsible party beasts" if she decides she doesn't want kids 10 years from now?

No. 272525

>>272518
>>272523
NTA and I want to think you're right but compare "childfree" men to "childfree" women… The women are concerned about being a good enough parent, maybe traumatized… The men are all woo vasectomy and consquence free sex forever, now I can stay a bachelor and play video games all day!

No. 272526

>>272525
The absolute majority of men want spawn so the ones who don't usually have very shit reasons and/or are actually mentally ill

No. 272527

>>272484
How old are you? Most relationships have an expiration date anyway, 5 years is already a long time, I'd suggest you have fun with the guy and see later if you still want kids and if he hasn't changed his mind, it's not like you'll never be able to find another man after him.

>>272514
>In my personal opinion it's also a huge red flag if a guy doesn't want kids. It's like he's admitting that he wants no responsibility ever and is probably a hedonist who will try to find his "fulfillment" in other ways. Usually by partying forever and never growing up.
That doesn't make sense, should women who don't want children swear off dating then? Also I've met a lot of guys who don't want children and they don't party much or even at all, if anything it's the fuckboys in their 20s who decide to settle down in their 30s because that's expected of them.

No. 272532

>>272526
>>272525
I don't discuss parenthood with many males but my anecdotal personal experience with this subject is closer to >>272527 example, self obsessed fuckboys that think their DNA is so important to spread are the ones who early on say they want to have children. Having that bias for me personally eagerness for fatherhood is more of a red flag than a cautious approach, considering how much responsibility and challenge it is to raise and provide for a child well.

No. 272534

>>272512
>>272527
I'm 24, he's 26. You're right, I should focus on fun instead of the far future. My fear was just if we do have a long term situation and this becomes an issue, I don't want to feel like a fool since he let me know his expectations from the beginning. I know I don't want kids in my twenties but kinda worry I'll change my mind in my thirties like >>272514 mentioned.

>>272509
>>272512
This put things in perspective, thanks nonnies. I'm stressing out over one "what if" when there's many other "what if"s to consider, it's better for me to wait a little longer until I'm more concrete on what I want.

If this helps with "dudes not wanting kids" debate: the issue doesn't seem to be immaturity. He's very responsible, has a good job, a nice house and car, takes care of himself, doesn't drink or party, etc. Based on what he's told me he just doesn't see himself being a good father and has issues with his own father that prevents him from desiring kids. So he'd rather enjoy the freedom of a kid-free life than worry about the struggles of parenting.

No. 272536

>>272534
Samefag but sidenote: this concern developed because a male coworker of mine just got engaged and mentioned that he really wants kids but his fiancee doesn't want any at all. But she said she "was willing to make a sacrifice" and give him one child because it would make him happy. He apparently really wants a 'legacy' so she's gonna have his baby to shut him up. That's why I'm worried, I'd hate to find a potential spouse but then we run into the issue where one of us is trying to compromise on something we do/don't want.

No. 272543

>>272536
This is a nightmarish situation, guys who "want a legacy" think they are hot shit and are always terrible fathers, and ofc it's the woman making the sacrifice, never the dude. At least you sound aware of the risks, and since you're only 24 I don't think you really want to settle down for now, enjoy your time with the guy and you should consider the kid question a few years later.

No. 272578

>>272536
That's not a compromise. That's him using her body to get what he wants. Guarantee he sabotages her bc even after she's given him the one child she agreed to.

No. 272616

>>272614
Nvm you are a scrote. Fuck off and rope yourself.(it's so easy to just not respond)

No. 272619

File: 1656535996294.jpeg (118.93 KB, 933x703, 1570232220979.jpeg)

>>272614
you have no experience with females because we can smell your autism

now kill yourself

No. 272683

>>272484
when people plan to voluntarily remove themselves from the gene pool there's usually a very good reason for that. that will be an issue whether you are compatible regarding kids or not, i doubt he is the ideal guy you think he is.

No. 272714

>>272523
The reasons birthrates are going down are economical, not because women suddenly stopped wanting to have kids. It's because the cost of living is so enormous that a lot of people can not afford childcare and have to work two jobs just to pay for their expensive apartments in the city.

Idk what to do about the dilemma of finding a man if you don't want kids, I stand by my point that most men who don't want kids are hedonists and just don't want them because they are selfish and don't want to share the attention of their girlfriend with anyone, don't want responsibility and want to spend all their money on their own hobbies. Good luck I guess.

>>272518
>I'm 30 and this definitely is not a true statement for majority of my friends around my age.
Sorry but someone who uses lolcow.farm is probably not representative of the majority of the population since most people here are NEETs and not normies

No. 272715

>>272534
>he just doesn't see himself being a good father and has issues with his own father that prevents him from desiring kids. So he'd rather enjoy the freedom of a kid-free life than worry about the struggles of parenting.

Sorry but that sounds like a huge red flag. He has major daddy issues. It sound like when Boogie said he doesn't want kids because his father molested him and he doesn't trust himself to not molest his kids either.

No. 272718

>>272714
>Sorry but someone who uses lolcow.farm is probably not representative of the majority of the population since most people here are NEETs and not normies
Probably why I shared that it's true for my friends too, not just me. I'm not a neet and I"m sure not everyone here is lol

No. 272719

>>272718
Same, I'm not a neet either and most people in my circle (late millennials) don't want them, especially women, and no it's not because of economic reason.

No. 272721

>>272714
>the majority of the population since most people here are NEETs
I have no bone in this discussion but I don't think this is true. There's too many anons complaining/talking about their education, jobs and social/romantic lives for a majority to be NEETs. The NEET thread in /ot/ doesn't even see that much traffic. Frankly I think the majority of users here are normie-posing or nerds with a fairly average life.

No. 272722

>>272714
>It's because the cost of living is so enormous that a lot of people can not afford childcare and have to work two jobs just to pay for their expensive apartments in the city.
Living costs going through the roof is a problem of recent years (ie in my country housing prices have doubled to tripled "only" in the last 3-5 years), birthrates have been on a decline way before that.

No. 272723

hearing women in their 20s/30s talk about how much they and their friends don't want children is so funny when so many women fall ill to the fact that they actually do want children by the time they're 40 and it's almost impossible… shut up and come say what you have to say when you and your friends are middle aged and you still don't want kids, then you'll actually make the point you're trying to make, not now when you're barely out of your diapers still.

No. 272726

Damn why do mommychans get so offended when other women say they don't want children? They sound like tradthots.

No. 272727

>>272722
It's been a huge issue since the 90s, wtf are you talking about? Inflation has been getting worse and worse for the last 100 years.

No. 272728

>>272726
It's not "mommychans getting offended" it's just lived experience that women eventually change their minds about kids. I also didn't want kids when I was in my 20s, it's a completely natural maturity process. It's just funny to see all these 20 year olds say "I FOR SURE NEVER WANT KIDS EVER!!! MY FRIENDS DON'T EITHER!" lol talk to me again in 10 years when you all have kids.

No. 272730

>>272728
Just let it go anon this is getting weird

No. 272733

>>272727
Yes inflation always happens, that's basic economy but inflation to the point it keeps people from starting a family or buying a house or otherwise naturally progressing to the next stage in life en masse is something fairly recent, you didn't see this on such a large scale pre-mid/late 10's or so.

No. 272736

>>272714
>I stand by my point that most men who don't want kids are hedonists and just don't want them because they are selfish and don't want to share the attention of their girlfriend with anyone, don't want responsibility and want to spend all their money on their own hobbies.
It's strange that you label someone living their life for themselves and their partner as selfish. Having children is the ultimate selfish act, especially when there are so many children out there that need to be adopted and taken care of.

No. 272738

>>272736
the childfree thread is a couple clicks down

No. 272740

I just want to say that I think it's really cute how >>272723 anon says women in their 30s are "barely out of their diapers", feels like I'm talking with a slightly bitter but still loving grandma

No. 272741

>>272738
This is not baby talk thread either though.

No. 272748

>>272741
seethe, nonreproductive.

No. 272754

I'm just now realizing you can't keep a relationship on liking personality alone. I have always thought my husband wasn't good looking, and he never puts effort in his appearance either. But I felt passion and deep sexual attraction to him. He's intelligent, witty and makes me laugh. But when it comes to looks… He's fat, his face is a bit like a human bulldog. His hair is always clean shaven and he never dresses up for anything at all. I know he's self conscious because he knows he's ugly so I feel bad about saying anything. At least we're on winter and he dresses a little better, on summer he's constantly on shorts, flip flops and wife beaters and it's so unappealing. He's so ugly. I can't have a smidge of sexual attraction to him anymore, he doesn't have a single bit of sexual energy/appeal. This goes beyond looks, it's just that his looks DON'T help. He's an amazing man and genuinely one with the best personality I have ever met, I had an aggressive dad and dealt with many shitty moids so he's a 10/10 personality wise. (the bar is low for me but he's genuinely cool)
He's 29 and I'm his first girlfriend (weve been together for 3 years and living together for 9 months) and it drained me to have to baby him sometimes about dressing better and taking better care of himself specially when we first moved in together… It's sad. Why can't good guys look good too or at least act confident and sexy or whatever. I don't even care about other men or am eyeing other men. It's just sad. I think if he picked up working out or fashion/styling himself or anything that showed he gives a shit about his appearance or made him more appealing I'd like it but he doesn't

No. 272757

>>272754
This is like the third time this week I've seen anons complain about their partners being ugly, like not even average or plain, just straight up ugly, why do you keep putting yourself through that? How do you end up with somebody that you're not attracted to?

No. 272760

>>272754
>I think if he picked up working out or fashion/styling himself or anything that showed he gives a shit about his appearance or made him more appealing I'd like it but he doesn't
Why does he not care to go to the gym if he's self-concious about his looks as you said? He can't change his face but a fit, attractive body is a choice, he can built and sculpt it as desired and it'd undoubtly help a lot in the confidence/sexual energy department. I think you're going to need to have a serious conversation with him about picking up a gym habit if you haven't already.

Also there's male fashion/styling channels, maybe you can send him some of those so he can watch and learn without you needing to spell it out for him word for word (just watch out for the ones that lean pick up-artisty). It's kinda.. mommying.. him which is far from ideal but you've already been doing that anyway so it's an option to consider.

>>272757
I've been thinking about this recently, I think it's because attractive women far outnumber attractive men because of the wack out of balance beauty standards so a lot of women are bound to end up with ugly men if they insist on having a partner. You can even see this in hollywood with women who've got all the desired beauty and money will still end up with ugly moids one after another.

No. 272766

>>272757
I don’t get it either. Why would you not wait for someone attractive and with a good personality? It sounds like settling most of the time.

No. 272767

>>272760
>a lot of women are bound to end up with ugly men if they insist on having a partner
This is what I don't get, why do they feel the need to do this? It's not even just ONS, I saw an anon complain about her husband, it means she went through several dates, had sex, moving in and getting engaged to a man she found repulsive, I can't imagine the cognitive cognitive you force your brain to go through. I'd rather die a virgin than have sex with a fat ugly dude.

No. 272799

>>272757
I was truly memed/brainwashed/groomed into believing a good personality was the only important thing for a man to possess in a relationship, and if he had that it didn't matter if he was an absolute monstrosity physically. Although to be fair my ex had a decent face and was mostly just a fat fuck. Turns out he didn't have a great personality either but I was young, naive and raised by pickmes and Disney movies. Never again. Have since had a hot boyfriend with a trash personality. Sex was fun but otherwise no. Hoping the third time will be the charm where I get both good looks and a good attitude. Don't mind waiting or just staying alone as the other two nearly sucked all the life out of me and I don't require men for validation anymore.

No. 272855

My ex wants us to be "friends". This would just entail messaging and video chatting every now and then but I honestly don't think I can be assed. The only reason why I said I was open to the idea was because I didn't want him to kill himself. Now I don't know how to get out of the commitment.

This might sound unhinged but, the thought of having to see his fat, bald moon-face and endure his weird accented lisp in a video chat fills me with rage. I'm mad at myself for ever dating him because I was never physically attracted to him and always found his personality slightly irritating. Having to interact with him again is a reminder that I willingly dated him for 1.5 years despite never really liking him.

No. 272861

>>272855
Just refuse, he is not entitled to some time with you.

No. 272862

This is a long one and honestly I need help, I never had proof before but now I have it. Using a burning account I got this dude to admit he is a pedo and actively molests his sister. I made a burner account on discord because I thought he was cheating on me and he is but that’s besides the point. Over a year ago he had told me that his 11 year old sister made allegations against him, his mom tried asking his sister further questions but I think because she didn’t go into further detail and just said he touched her they dropped it.

Well yesterday I got him to admit he was molesting his sister and found out he’d been having sex with her while I was at work and other gross things. I found out he was also grooming one of his sisters on his dads side. I have screenshots and am thinking about printing them if needed. Can someone please help me? I don’t want to report this and have nothing come of it or for the cops to say I need more evidence.

Further info I live with his family because we lost our house during winter. I want to tell his mom but idk how

No. 272895

>>272855
Let him kill himself. Emotional manipulator bitch ass moid
>>272799
>>272766
>>272767
>>272760
In my case before the relationship got mundane after we moved in together and I was exposed to his flaws and having to mommy him sometimes, I could see past his physical appearance and was madly attracted to him based on personality alone, and some idolized version of him I had in my head… Now that everything is mundane and dull I end up getting these hang ups over appearance and lack of "sexual energy" and I can see that he's very ugly, has always been, and I knew it. I just choose to ignore it because the ugliness was obscured by other things. I won't break up though because I like his companionship, we also have a business together so (I built it but he works with me and helps a lot) it's not easy. He's just not getting any pussy or girlfriend type of affection from me, we're like friends living together as of right now… I'll wait until he gets tired of the situation and wants to move out I guess. He's not seeing anybody else either because he's stuck in the house with me. It's truly a sad situation but I can't ever see my attraction to him rekindling again unless he spontaneously changes

No. 272900

>>272862
Anon this is really horrible… I’m glad you were smart to take screenshots and that you seriously want to report this guy. I’d say child protection services is your best bet because in most states they allow you to file anonymously and also they will keep any identifying information you have about this guy on hand. That way even if nothing comes out of it, the next time somebody reports him they will already have a file on him. It also really depends on the state you live in so unfortunately I can’t give you more specific advice regarding that, but CPS is a good place to start if you’re a burgeranon.

No. 272902

>>272862
start by saying where you are in the world so anons can help you reach the appropriate authorities. (or on second thought maybe not, it's always the burgers that don't do this)

No. 272914

The worst thing I've ever done. Ever. I want to cry.
My bf and i had drunk sex, condom was a non latex brand we'd never tried before, it was painful for me and not staying on properly- and so, stupidly we took it off and continued. I told him I'd take the morning after pill.
I went to get the pill, he came with me, the pharmacist was lovely but when i got the pill i didn't swallow it, i was so scared and negative abortion guilt was playing on my mind (I'm pro choice but i couldn't do it myself). I let it dissolve on my tongue, swallowed it somewhat and then spat some out onto a tissue. My boyfriend doesn't know, he cuddled me because i told him i felt guilty, told me he trusted me and he's been lovely since. I feel so awful, now I'm out of that situation i have no idea what panicked me so much but i also know i was reluctant to go in some ways, i told him it was closed when i knew it wasn't because i wanted to put it off. Its weird because i DO NOT WANT A BABY! I'm scheduled for a coil, I'm terrified of the idea of raising a kid, my boyfriend doesn't want a kid…. And yet i did this. I feel so much guilt. I'm scared to go back to the pharmacist and ask for a new one too, I'm considering making myself vomit, presenting it to my bf and saying "oh no guess we'll go back for a new one!" But that gives me more anxiety since i specifically asked the pharmacist what happens if you throw up, so I'm worried of looking suspicious

No. 272924

>>272914
There's no reason to be ok with using condoms and not be ok with taking the morning after pill, anon. It makes almost zero difference in how it it prevents pregnancy; using condom stops the sperm from reaching the egg and morning after pill stops the egg from reaching the sperm. If the former is not abortion for you, why would be the latter? Hope looking at it from this perspective helps you with seeing this situation in a different light. If you decide to buy another pill, just be honest with the pharmacist even if it's embarrassing, that's the only way they can best advise you on what will be the best course of action.

No. 272930

>>272914
The chances of you getting pregnant from one time unprotected sex are incredibly low, chill.

No. 272933

>>272930
what? all it takes is one time

No. 272939

>>272933
Theoretically yes, statistically tho the chances are very low. Even if you rawdog your moid every day for an entire month the chance you will get pregnant is only 30%.

No. 272945

>>272939
ok but she really should go back and get the pill anyway rather than risk needing an abortion (which she admitted she won't do) or bringing an undesired child into the world when she's unprepared

No. 272996

>>272945
>>272930
>>272924
I cried a lot, admitted what happened to my bf, went back to get another one but they wouldn't serve me and so I'm going to find another pharmacy tomorrow morning.. ty for not being judgemental! I was literally feeling so horrible

No. 273002

>>272914
how can you feel bad about taking a morning after pill but not about using condoms… you do realise the morning after pill is not an abortion, right? people should not be allowed to have sex until they pass a sex ed class

No. 273003

>>273002
NTA but what what this one means is the way the morning after pill works is it is a strong dose of one hormone. It doesn’t contain any abortifacients, it works by tricking your body into delaying ovulation so the sperm dies before the egg is released.

No. 273028

>>272945
Disagree, the morning after pill has horrible side effects even if you take just one dose. That's probably why the pharmacy denied her a second one. Even if she just dissolved it on her tongue for a while, plenty of it would have been absorbed already. Taking a double dose will probably wreak absolute havoc on the body.

I really don't understand why people take plan b so casually while not understanding the impact it has at all. I regret taking it in the past knowing the incredibly small chance there ever was of me actually getting pregnant. If you know what day of your cycle you are at then you should know the chances of getting pregnant. There is only a small 3 day window in which you can get pregnant every month. If you had sex after you already ovulated then it DOESNT EVEN WORK.

Plan b is not candy and you shouldn't take it unless you know that your ovulation is for sure coming up within the next couple of days.

No. 273031

>>273028
>Plan b is not candy and you shouldn't take it unless you know that your ovulation is for sure coming up within the next couple of days.
Also, some have a weight limit, I think.

No. 273032

>>273031
Yes, most plan b pills don't work on people who are heavier than 75kg. They also don't work if you already ovulated. It is also pointless to take it if your ovulation is nowhere close to happening (within the first two weeks of your cycle). There is only a very small window in which taking plan b makes sense.

Most women on this site are against taking hormonal birth control because of the side effects it has on our bodies, but see no issue with taking plan b, which is effectively like swallowing 100 birth control pills at once. Side effects from it can last a month or longer. Compared to the relatively small chance of it having any affect on you it is really not worth it. I'd only take it if I was raped.

Pay attention to your cycles and you will never be in this situation nonnies because you will know what your chances of getting pregnant are depending on what day in your cycle you are on. Even if you have unprotected sex on al 4 fertile days around ovulation your chance of getting pregnant is still only 30%.

No. 273056

>>272939
Don't listen to this shitty retarded advice for god's sake. My bf and I got too cocky (heh) with that and had unprotected sex like 3 times and I ended up pregnant.

No. 273058

>>273056
Do you know how statistics work, retard? 30% is not a 0% chance.

No. 273079

>>273071
that's why you snoop if you see something suspicious before you ask. if there was anything he's probably deleted it by now.

No. 273083

>>273071
Maybe he's trying to arrange a surprise thing for your marriage

No. 273086

>>273080
Just my two cents but this does not bode well for your relationship. Do NOT get married unless you're sure he's not cheating; it's a lot easier to break off an engagement than to get a divorce. I would advise speaking to your family/friends first about his suspicious behavior so you have precedence and don't seem crazy if you break it off. Then look for more evidence on other electronics, other social media… whether or not you find anything, confront him about what you saw. Even if he deleted it, you still know what you saw. Don't be gaslit. Break it off if he's cheating. There's no point dragging it out.

No. 273088

>>273080
nona, i'm not saying this to be mean, but he's either cheating or has a really bad porn addiction. seriously reconsider marriage. please.

No. 273090

>>273080
when he's sleeping then

>>273071

this >>273083 was my thought too but like >>273086 said, it's possible there's something worse behind it.

What did he say when you asked him what the contact is for? Like surely he didn't hide his phone and walked away saying nothing? Have you pressed him for answers?

No. 273093

>>273080
He takes his phone to the bathroom? That's a major red flag in itself.

No. 273095

>>273094
damn should've known

No. 273098

>>273094
Your fiancé is talking to Elaine? Lmfao. Run.

No. 273099

>>273094
Sriracha and Ripple?

No. 273101

File: 1656782157830.png (306.56 KB, 1362x660, Untitled.png)

Well well well, deleting your post after I asked if you are Sriracha and Ripple? Quite sussy indeed.

(it's especially funny since they are both men, as Sriracha is a tranny)

No. 273103

>>273102
Well I assumed you are the troon (Sriracha), since there are a lot of troons posting in the girl talk board.

No. 273105

>>273104
looks like you did an oopsie.

No. 273107

>>273101
I thought it was another anon joking about Elaine fml

No. 273110

File: 1656786148706.jpg (59.19 KB, 525x381, EdeIwTQXgAAWMpO.jpg)

What the hell is going on in this thread, am I missing something?

No. 273124

>>273110
Elaine drama is spreading across the site.

No. 273193

I jumped back into the dating game and have been on a few dates so far and one guy I actually matched with years ago. We made plans to meet but the date fell through back then but I met up with him recently a few weeks ago. We had a great time and actually hung out for 10 hours talking about anything and everything. He said he was really glad he finally got to meet me and that he was looking forward to going out again and made sure to get my number before leaving. I was going out of town and asked if he wanted to chill before I left, he said he was busy and that he'll have a lot more free time after I come back from vacation because he'll be done with his semester. I finally got back in to town and texted him that I had returned and he asked how it was. After that one text he went silent. I waited awhile assuming he was busy but then I hit him up and asked if he had any plans this weekend since its a 3 day holiday. I didn't hear shit back. Did I do something wrong? He's a really sweet shy type of guy and we had some pretty deep and personal conversations on our date so I'm a little surprised he's a ghoster..

No. 273198

>>273193
He probably met someone else. Usually the people on dating apps are having several dates with several people and keep their options open (hence why he asked to meet again and for your number), but I assume another girl that he liked better was more available. It's something you have to deal with when using dating apps unfortunately.

No. 273203

>>273193
I also think this >>273198 is what happened. Don't take it personally.

No. 273231

My boyfriend constantly wants me to screenshare games to him when we're apart (distance only allows us to meet biweekly). I've explained to him that A, I'm not all that into video games anymore (spent too much time of my life being highly unproductive) B, when I do play games, it's to relax. Streaming a game, even to the audience of 1 is not relaxing to me, because it feels like a performance and like I can't progress at my own pace. Yet he keeps buying me games and asking me to stream it to him. The problem is there isn't a lot we can do while we're apart anyway, we watch TV series and talk otherwise, but lately whenever we have a planned hang out he starts saying how I should play X or Y game for him. I feel like I'm stuck in a dead bedroom situation, except it's not sex, it's video games. And no, sadly we're not underage.
He's normal and lovely when we just talk unplanned and in-person.

No. 273239

>>273231
i mean… he's trying to do stuff together while you're apart, and as someone who had to make their relationship long distance for a while, video games are about one of the only few things you can "actively" do together online other than watching tv shows or movies. if you're not into video games anymore then you need to think up something else for you two to do together.

No. 273240

>>273239
The thing is, it's not something we really "do" together. I play and try to vocalize my thoughts out loud for it not to be boring, while he doesn't speak much, and only when he thinks I'm stuck on something. It's a very one-sided thing. He apparently doesn't talk much because he doesn't want to throw me off and is interested in my gameplay, but I feel like a TV station he just turned on. And I did express this, but he says I should just relax.
I'd like to play multiplayer games actually, but he dislikes those.

No. 273242

>>273240
oh i see now. he just wants to watch you play like you're some sort of twitch streamer?
>he dislikes those
the whole point of having a bf that likes video games is to play games TOGETHER with him. why doesn't he wanna play something together?

No. 273244

>>273242
He was a nerdy kid that played alone in his room, so he never really played games WITH people. Most of the genres that do support multiplayer do not appeal to him, no matter how hard I tried to market them to him. While if I say some game he talks about seems cool, he buys it to me and then, yeah, basically wants me to be a twitch streamer. Even though I think even twitch streamers get more interaction from their viewers.

No. 273251

>>273231
>>273244
Well, he either watches you play the games you like or he doesn't watch at all. You're not his personal entertainment. You'd already be making a concession by streaming for him in the first place when you'd rather not be watched, so he at least has to let you choose the games you want.
I kinda have a similar problem. My bf wants to watch me play games, but I mostly like JRPGs while he wants me to play western games or more mainstream stuff. He always suggests shit I don't want to play, so I don't stream for him at all.

No. 273256

>>273231
He could be using this to keep tabs on where you are seeing as you aren't together everyday. I can't think why else a man would pay for the pleasure of this.. and not even interact much while you're at it. It's not quality time together. To me it just screams of wanting to keep an eye on where your time is being spent.

No. 273279

>>273251
True, I just didn't want to voice definitive statements like that, because I thought that after me expressing my discomfort with this time after time, he'd stop. But no, it's like a stuck casette tape, he suggests the same program every time, even if I explain it more and more in-depth.

>>273256
I doubt that, I think he is just genuinely excited that someone shows interests in the kinda niche games he likes. Only he does not seem to understand that streaming is not fun for me.

Thank you for the inputs!

No. 273287

>>273231
Maybe I'm the odd one out but I do this with my bf sometimes. I wouldn't personally compare it to a Twitch streamer because for me (could be the same for your boyfriend, or not) it's comforting and nostalgic to simply watch someone you love play something.
The bigger redflag imo is that he doesn't seem to care or respect that it isn't something you're interested in. He needs to learn how to compromise and accept that streaming isn't something you want to do constantly.

No. 273354

>>272855
>ex wants to be friends
>balding with moon face
>weird lispy accent
>dated for a year and a half
>but never really liked him
Girl are you me? Kek. If this guy also a disgusting chain smoking pathological liar who can’t drive and has a comically small penis then I am convinced you are my astral projection posting from another dimension.

No. 273420

File: 1656942536996.jpg (8.21 KB, 290x174, 1655730416874.jpg)

I want to ask about my sister…

She is 24 now. She is my younger sister. She is overweight, confidence issues, seriously basic (binge watches SVU, Grey's Anatomy, Marvel films on repeat - that's the extent of her interests), single, I would guess maybe a virgin, and just generally a bit of a loser. The thing is I'm not being mean I'm just trying to paint a stark picture of what are the facts.

She is annoying me. She constantly seeks validation from everyone in our family from siblings, cousins, parents, grandparents etc. Everyone is always rooting for her to get her shit together and really live a wonderful life but the fact is she is just lazy. She is so lazy. Recently she moved to the city here with me so she could start a new life and I was really proud of her because it was off the back of exercise and socialising and it looked like she was having her late blooming moment. She moved with this girl she knows and now all the do is sit in their tiny apartment and order Uber eats 3 times a day and eat ice-cream and watch Netflix non-stop. I'm so angry at her. She has everyone always on this journey of self improvement trying to make a movie out of her life saying I'M GUNNA DO THIS! and everyone tries so hard to encourage her but she just never follows through…

She complains she hates her job, she complains she can't get a boyfriend, she complains she's gaining weight. I always tell her well if you want change you have to work for it. She literally can't hear it. She starts telling me I'm being overly critical and judgemental but I'm just fucking sick of it. I used to sit with her when she was in high school and do her maths problems with her one by one because she needed help and it's now like 8 years later and she has not gained a single skill or level of confidence or independence and I'm really frustrated because the fact is it's because she has never once been willing to challenge herself. She just won't do it. She doesn't like the feeling, challenge is hard so she won't do it and so she never changes.

I went over to her apartment after I tried recently to invite her out for drinks, she wanted to go home after like 1 hour. They have dishes piled up, the place stinks, her stupid friend who is worse than her was just stuck to the couch. My sister immediately gets in the oldest t shirt she has and a pair of pyjama pants with stains all over them, like, I don't know, I understand we're family but you know as you get older you just have a general sense that you should stand on a bit of ceremony when you have company you know? So then she tells a story about how she went into the building hall recently in her pyjamas and a cute boy saw her and how disgusting and gross she felt and I was supposed to feel bad for her but I thought… Well yes you fucking should have. Why on earth do you have to be so drab and gross all the time? What's stopping you from just buying a cute pair of pyjamas and lifting your own self image just a little bit so at least you can feel good in your own skin/clothes if god forbid another human ever happens to lay eyes on you. I'm just so sad about it lately. She's my younger sister and I want to support her but she is so boring and entitled and unproductive and I don't think she will ever change at this point.

I know I literally sound retarded because I'm phone posting and I'm tired but ffs. I don't know what to do with her.

No. 273424

>>272855
>fat, bald moon-face, weird accented lisp
That and the suicide baiting.. he's enough of a loser that he probably has no other romantic options.. which means he'll use this friendship bait to try and get you back. No way is this about a friendship.

No. 273426

Is it weird to date younger guys? I'm almost 25 and I'm dreading having to date guys older than 25. They start to look old and unkempt at that age. If I'm honest I find guys 19-24 most attractive, but I hate how it's seen as weird if women date a younger guy (but it's totally fine for a crusty 40 year old male to date a 20 year old girl).

I don't want kids so idc about deadlines or needing a man at that stage of life. I also look like a child so I guess that helps.

No. 273427

>>273426
people will probably think anything more than 1-2 years younger is weird but who cares, why not be one of the first to normalize it, old men have been dating young women at a much larger age gap for so long.

No. 273430

>>273420
let it go, you can support her when she's ready but genuine desire and taking action for change is intrinsic, you can't give her that. It's out of your control so try to not let it occupy too much of your energy and thought space

No. 273431

>>273426
I don't think dating a handful of years younger is bad but I imagine you'll reach of point eventually where you'll want to age up just to mentally match up if you want a serious meaningful thing down the line. Ime dating younger leads to dealing with flakey young guys who lack resilience as soon as any issue pops up. The dynamic can just feel off in the long run. At 25 though you might as well date for attraction rn. You're still young too.

No. 273432

>>273431
after a stale 2 year relationship, dating for fun is what I'm after. I do want a serious relationship eventually, ideally it'd be with a guy my age who also looks very young. I'm definitely a long long way away from marriage, and the no kids thing means I don't really need to find a forever partner anytime soon

No. 273441

>>273426
Just do it. On average, older men are not even more mature and emotionally intelligent than younger men so it's a waste of time go specifically go after them. Might as well date a hot young guy, not to mention they are less manipulative and stuck in their ways. A younger guy has a higher chance of learning empathy rather than old crusty misogynists.

No. 273453

>>273441
yeah I've dated guys 18-21 and they were actually kinder, more open and understanding than guys 23+. It's like they haven't become jaded and cruel yet.

old men are disgusting, I can't bring myself to date a wrinkled moid with a poor hairline just because he's "age appropriate". Imagine looking old at 25 too. Men truly age like milk.

No. 273456

Is it an unreasonable request to ask your boyfriend to stop following all the egirls who post only selfies and body pictures? The only guys he follow are personal connections and some public figures. The ratio of gender in his following is very skewed. I wouldn't think much of it if those egirls at least posted interesting content but they are really just to show off themselves. Is this being too controlling and insecure behaviour? I mainly just don't want him to come across as a degenerate coomer to my friends.

No. 273463

>>273456
If you said that it makes you feel uncomfortable / insecure, then I'd say it's 100% justified request, there's no reason for a person in relationship to interact with content like this. But if you don't care personally and are only thinking about appearances and opinion of others, then it's a bit controlling.

No. 273475

>>273456
>I mainly just don't want him to come across as a degenerate coomer to my friends
I mean.. it sounds like he is one tho.

No. 273487

>>273475
Right? I'm not the crazy one for seeing it that way. Honestly think that my friends probably noticed this already and has opinions on it. I feel embarassed.

>>273463
I mean, I'd rather him not interact with posts like that. It makes me feel like a cuck.

No. 273495

>>273456
It's not unreasonable, but asking him to stop doesn't fix the actual problem. He's a degenerate coomer who finds it acceptable to constantly thirst over hundreds of women while in a monogamous relationship. I'd rather be single.

No. 273499

>>273495
Yeah, I feel the same way. I feel like this will always be at the back of my mind and I need to just pull the plug.

No. 273616

My boyfriend doesn’t love me anymore. I can see it in his eyes, he forces himself to feel something for me but it’s just not there. Every time I see how he looks at me, I feel like dying inside. He compliments me a lot, tells me that I am beautiful, I am talented, but love isn’t there. He’s more and more distant, disinterested and cold despite his attempts at being warm and caring. I don’t know what to do. I have no place where to go, I can’t leave this apartment, I have no savings to rent a place of my own and I’d commit suicide going back to my mom’s place, my only family left. I am dying inside so much, there is not a single day I don’t spend crying. And no, going to live with another friend is not a possibility. I don’t know what to do…

No. 273617

>>273616
You'll have to start planning your way out. Find a roommate and get a sidejob to pay for it if you have to or suck it up and go back to your mom after all. Or you can stay and risk he'll decide to kick you out.

No. 273619

>>273616
how do you know all this? is there any possibility you're just pushing him away yourself by believing this (when it's not true i mean)

No. 273623

>>273456
Agree with >>273495 the fact that he's following them in the first place is the bigger issue. Even if he took your instruction and just unfollowed them all it doesn't change the disrespect of him just not taking that initiative himself as soon as he was in a relationship.

I don't even like the thought of dating someone who follows alot of those accounts in advance of dating either. I met a guy lately, took a liking to him but my gut told he's like that.. checked and he basically only follows the ugliest looking guys and yet all the hottest women on earth are in there. It turned me right off. The sheer number of them was what freaked me out. I dropped any ideas I had about dating him.

No. 273625

okay so here's the run down. get rejected in the worst way possible. i hate myself. cried for weeks. begin to hate how i look. posts a thirstrap. guy from my school likes it. not interested at the time. post a few more. same guy likes it. slides into his dms. we talk for a good month. catches feelings and ready to make my move. sees his ig story that he got a gf. confused because was he just being nice and thought i was pretty? was he talking to her this entire time and i was just excited that he thought i was pretty and gave me attention for a little bit while i was at my lowest? It's been about a month since they started dating. i don't know the girl at all because she goes to a different school. i recently talked to him about a week ago and i think it's better if we remain friends but in the mean time should i just give up on waiting or accept that we'd be better off as friends. i'm gonna try to talk to him on friday. in the mean time i watch from afar. my friends know about him and for the most part they say they like him better than the other guy i had a crush on. for one thing the current guy was at one point interested in me and thought i was pretty.

No. 273627

>>273625
The guy wants to fuck you, you won't be "friends". And don't chase him romatically, you could just end up in the position of his current gf. Just cut off contact.

No. 273628

>>273627
he never gave off the impression he wanted to fuck me lol but they do say guys that are friends with girls think about fucking them at one point.

No. 273631

>>273628
Your contact started through him interacting with your thirsttraps don't be naive.

No. 273635

>>273631
I mean the thirst traps did get his attention but we originally started talking over driver’s licenses.

No. 273641

>>273635
You are deliberately naive. He has a girlfriend, the fuck do you want us to tell you?

No. 273665

>>273635
>school
>driver's license
>typing style
You must be 18+ to post here. Also, don't waste your time with that scrote.

No. 273729

I feel like there are so many good women out there but very few good men. Most women are caring and attractive and socially capable but those traits are very rare in men. I feel like all the good ones are taken because they have so many options to choose from since all the other girls seek them out. I’m not even talking about some ultra chad imposible boyfriend, just a regular kind and warm dude. They are always in long term relationships with perfectly normal average girls to whom they are very affectionate to.I’ve been telling myself it’s just in my head and that I just have to get better but I feel discouraged and unloved. I feel like it’s pure luck if you get to meet a genuine nice guy.

No. 273731

File: 1657098409272.jpeg (129.72 KB, 772x813, 20D018EF-A50F-480B-A245-9EBC4B…)

>>273729
Men say we have it ez because any guy will fuck us when all we have left are guys like this lmao

No. 273735

>>273665
Nta but seniors in high schooler tend to be 18 or older

No. 273736

>>273731
men perceive success in dating differently to us. they think everyone wanting to fuck us is heaven. meanwhile we just want gross crusty moids to leave us alone, and someone halfway decent to treat us well.

No. 273737

>>273731
i dont get the image?

No. 273738

>>273737
She's upset be abuse he didn't compliment her and was more like meh towards the selfie she sent (bad sign). He's either negging or doesn't really like her appearance, yet he is still going on a date with her, lol.

No. 273739

>>273738
because*

No. 273741

>>273738
TBH if someone sent me a selfie right before the first date I'd probably react with something like "ok, see you" as well, since I'd interpret it as "that's how I'm dressed today so you'll have no problems spotting me" and not fishing for compliments. I know it's a moid and they like to neg but really not sure this is a neg. Still, maybe it's just my autism speaking

No. 273744

>>273731
>>273738
why would you ever send a selfie of yourself before a first date in the first place?

No. 273745

>>273738
I'm going to sound like a boomer but I still don't get the point of sending selfies, I would have probably reacted the same way as the dude.

No. 273746

>>273741
>>273744
>>273745
Seeing as she likes posting herself online I think she expected him to fall to his knees.

No. 273753

My boyfriend is schizoid and doesn't like emotional situations/needs a lot of time to himself but lately he doesn't even do the bare minimum of effort. He used to call me codependent but now I give him all the space he wants, I'm doing my own things, I don't complain about him not being affectionate and a bunch of other things I used to get upset about. Still, the last time we had a minor conflict he just didn't talk to me for two days. A friend of mine has covid right now, an d I told my boyfriend that she just said it got worse and he just said "good luck" and went to sleep. I really don't know what I did to deserve this sudden onset of assholery. He just does mean shit like, we were watching a show and were on the last couple of episodes and I said I didn't want to finish the show, but obviously meaning that I was sad that it was over, and he was just like "just tell me if you're not going to watch it so I can watch it on my own, and we can both have what we want."

He used to call me BPD for expressing my emotions, but since then I did my best to suppress any normal need for affection or communication. I said nothing when he ignored me for days. Whenever I say anything slightly negative about his behavior I feel like I'm being punished for it for days. But after years of trauma bonding and him reminding me of my early relationship with my mom I just find it so hard to leave. It just reminds me how I used to wake up and walk into the other room never knowing if my mom was going to hate me that day for some unpredictable reason. I asked him in the past to tell me if he wants to be completely left alone so I don't bother him and receive this treatment, but of course he just got offended by suggesting this extreme amount of communication.

I thought about getting to know other people, but I don't feel like it because men always end up being so gross. My first boyfriend who was "nice" ended up cheating on me a bunch of times. My other ex laughed at me for my hobbies and called me out for wearing pants when I walked him to the train station because I didn't want to be harassed on the way back, but he wanted me to wear skirts. The third one I talked to about my current boyfriend keeps suggesting that I move in with him because he thinks I need someone who is controlling but occasionally nice. I'm so sick of it, as if I wanted to move in with an abusive asshole, sure. I don't want to list all my bad experiences with men but there are a shitload more. Just don't know what to do because I still have a need to feel cared for even if I'm pretty withdrawn by default.

No. 273756

>>273431
>Ime dating younger leads to dealing with flakey young guys who lack resilience as soon as any issue pops up.
lol
older men and younger men only differ in what issues they bring to the table & degrees of the same issues. you might as well go with the hotter option, that's really the only difference especially with how being a stunted adult is almost the norm nowadays particularly for men
i'm a year older than the op and also have no desire for a serious relationship rn. i'm having a casual thing with a 21 year old guy just because he's easily the most attractive man in my immediate area that i found on tinder. i was fucking shocked at how "men my age" both look so busted you'd think they're actually in their 40s and gaming the settings to go after young women and, at the same time, still have the interests of teenagers. so live it up, plenty of mid/late 20s guys date early 20s girls and no one thinks it's abnormal.

No. 273757

>>273753
>My bf is schizoid
Stopped reading there. Do not bother with schizoids. Trust me. They'll only break your heart and make you feel like a pest. Get out.

No. 273759

>>273753
>>273757
I've been saying this over and over again on here but nonnas still haven't learned their lesson. Do not date the mentally ill. It cannot be hard to do better than that, seriously. They're often emotional vampires who will suck you dry. Unless someone can prove that they put an extensive, truly extensive, amount of time and energy into getting their shit together (and this is rare because most prefer to stew in their own shit and don't want to get better), you'll have to serve them as a mommy and a therapist

No. 273760

I don't see the point in having sex. It's mostly uncomfortable PIV and I never orgasm. Plus it's a lot of awkward work trying to get partner to do any foreplay, I need to keep telling him that I like neck kisses and not having my boobs mauled like putty. Sex toys are superior, make you come every single time, they won't get you pregnant, give you STDs or abandon you emotionally or for someone else.

Have any of you nonnies felt similar?

No. 273765

>>273756
yeah I'm the original anon and men around 25 started looking really busted kek

the most loyal boy I dated was 18 (I was 21, so not that weird, but still). at that age they also fall in love faster and are willing to do anything for you. older men are just as immature, but jaded, cruel, and ugly.

I dunno what I'll do when I turn 30 and can't date as young anymore bc old men have zero appeal to me, personality or appearance-wise.

No. 273766

>>273757
Yeah it sucks. It got a bit better when he told me he was schizoid because before I felt like it was something about me specifically, but it still sucks feeling like a burden. I don't even know why he has bothered for years, at least from what I've seen a lot of schizoids realize their shortcomings and don't bother with relationships. But he also gets jealous which is weird because he apparently doesn't care about anything.

No. 273767

>>273757
As a schizoid I 100% agree, we are by definition uninterested in relationships, why is he even bothering with a regular woman who craves love like a normal person? He should stick to other avoidant/schizoid women who only want to meet once a month and hate compliments.

No. 273768

>>273756
Ayrt. I'm 33 rn so I know how bleak men get in just a few years time. Painfully aware lol

No. 273774

My bf has high confidence but low self esteem, does that make sense? Like he’s not shy and will voice whatever he wants without fear, but he’s also super affected by others judging him in any way and takes their comments too personally IMO. I know telling someone “stop caring what others think” isn’t helpful advice so I’m wondering how to start this convo with him. Any tips? I want to help him not care so much. Also he uses Twitter so that doesn’t help.

No. 273775

>>273753
I'm not schizoid but I've dealt with mental health shit before where I just wasn't in any state to really be commiting to a relationship. The illness wasn't likely to make a healthy relationship possible for me. I lived in denial, eventually got dumped, felt sorry for myself because 'but I can't help it' After alot of reflection I can see it for what it was now. Some people with mental health disorders can't give their partner what they need. They can't meet the minimum requiremants of what a relationship needs in order to thrive. It doesn't sound like this is a relationship tbh. Much as people hate to hear this in current year.. some mentally ill people just shouldn't date if they can't communicate or connect.
>He used to call me BPD for expressing my emotions
And for him to twist it around like this is pigheaded behaviour. It takes a eggshell walking saint to date an emotionally unavailable person and this is the thanks you get. The least he could do is not take his issues out on you or twist things around to make out like you're abnormal. There's better options out there anon.. this isn't what love should feel like. Even if your previous ex was even worse this still isn't it.

No. 273777

Here's some relationship advice for anyone reading this: never ever ever do an LDR (unless special circumstances apply, like you're already planning to move there, it's a temporary situation, the "long distance" is just neighboring cities etc.)
I ended one just last week and the most painful thing is it probably took a deep, precious friendship of 3 years down with it. No one really did anything wrong but we both found the LDR experience so miserable that it might be just too painful to talk to each other anymore, at least for a long time. We also both realized that it was mainly our Issues that drove us to be "together" as we couldn't connect with the people actually living around us. Gradually getting better at that, finding people I click with and having to turn them down all for some mirage of possibly at some point getting together in real life with my LDR boyfriend definitely caused some resentment too even though I know it's my own fault. I suggested the possibility of being physical with other people while we're apart but he was completely against it which is when I really should have ended things. There's no point in being "exclusive" if you aren't even physically together most of the time. Seriously, I know this thread isn't for that but the whole thing sucks shit, if you're considering an LDR, you should probably instead consider why you aren't catching any fish in the local sea instead.
Sorry, really needed to get this out somewhere since so many people are making this mistake these days.

No. 273778

>>273767
I'd love it if he wanted to meet once a month, rip. But he lives abroad, which would be fine, but he's also working on a game right now and doesn't want to be distracted, even for a couple of days and said it will take a few of months to finish, and after that I can "probably" visit. But I haven't seen him in person for a really long time.
I don't like a lot of compliments, I don't like romantic things at all, I just want him to be nice sometimes. And sometimes he is, but it's so rare lately. I've actually been fairly avoidant in my other relationships, and I can get pretty distracted doing things alone, but the way he is makes me feel very disposable which makes me want a bit more reassurance than I would otherwise, which wouldn't be a lot either. He used to say stuff like he cares but now it's guaranteed he'll get offended if I ask about it. But I think it damaged how I see normal relationships, I'm now weirded out by the idea of someone being affectionate with me, and I wouldn't like it if someone made it obvious that they wanted to be with me. I was always very withdrawn but I used to want more normal things, now I feel like I have a mental block about it. It's extremely hard for me to become attached to a real person, he is the first one and before him I only had crushes from a safe distance on unattainable people.

No. 273779

>>273759
Just an fyi nonna cuz I got the impression from your post: schizoid != schizo. They are the very opposite of emotional vampires or people who need you as a therapist. But they are neglectful and cold and cause their own issues from that alone.
And there's no really getting better from it without them sacrificing their core selves.

No. 273780

>>273775
I thought a lot about the BPD thing recently and I just find it really hurtful looking back. I've always been told that I'm too emotionally withdrawn, I think I'm generally really calm. Every time I tried to express some issue to him there was a reason behind it, and I tried to just communicate, I never yelled or insulted him. He thinks BPD is threatening suicide and becoming stalkerish, but when at one point we got close to breaking up and he didn't talk to me for about two weeks, I left him alone and just tried to move on even though I never felt that sad before. He kept talking about how he didn't want me to hurt myself, but I never did or indicated wanting to, one of his exes did that but not me, and never felt like it either. I never threatened him with anything, I know he is extremely paranoid, like way beyond normal, I never tried to use that against him. I don't have mood swings, didn't have dramatic relationships, don't really do anything spontaneously, don't do reckless things at all, I don't know wtf is so BPD about me other than not being completely emotionally numb. The only thing I can think of is having some abandonment issues which only came out with him because he would punish me with no contact and always react to any perceived conflict by not talking to me, which might be harder on me than on other people, but I doubt anyone else would've felt neutrally about it. And he always said I'll start splitting on him when that never happened, I always felt like I cared about him even if I was sad, I don't think I ever split on anyone. He did some awful emotionally damaging shit to me and when I felt upset about it I began to think I was being difficult and BPD. I just don't get it. I made a huge effort to become more independent and I genuinely require less attention now, now his "you're codep" reasoning doesn't hold up either, now he's just bothered if I dare to assign any importance to him in my life, he gets upset that I want to visit because he is busy and I should just "take no for an answer" (because it's apparently super invasive to his privacy that I asked why he doesn't want to meet), I think most women would wisely not put up with this.

No. 273782

>>273774
Yeah my ex was like that. He had ADHD, it gave him a lot of confidence but he was super sensitive to rejection, or perceived rejection.

Men don't respond well to conversations. The way to increase his confidence is subtle good comments/praise about things he does, almost rewarding him like a pavlovian experiment.

No. 273784

>>273777
i learned that from my last relationship. it was just exhausting, and i lost my best friend along with the relationship when we broke up. i am _never_ doing it again, not even for the most perfect man.

No. 273785

>>273729
I know it's in the nature of this site to be jaded about men and I'm in the same boat- don't get me wrong. I definitely have a lot of distrust and anger toward men as a whole. That being said, I have met men who are still single and genuinely really nice and respectful (and unfortunately not my type, but honestly it's probably more to do with me than them) and I'm sure it's not because I'm extraordinarily lucky (although maybe it also depends on where you live). There are a lot more mediocre/shitty men than decent, nice ones, but statistically I still think you're bound to run across the nice ones as long as you put yourself out there (or at least don't completely close yourself off to talking to men like I did for a few years). I don't mean to post this to invalidate what you're saying because it is true that women are still much easier and more pleasant to interact with by far, but I know I had a bit of a doomer phase where I thought there was no point in trying because meeting a decent guy would be like finding a needle in a haystack and there was no point. But actually, they're a little more common than that. I think finding yourself a warm, kind boyfriend is definitely possible- it maybe just takes a little resilience since you might have to sift through the gross ones first (and obviously don't settle for them even if they give you the bare minimum).

No. 273786

>>273774
get a spray bottle and spray him every time he goes on twitter.

No. 273789

>>273778
nayrt but you don't have to compromise one thing for the other. it sounds like you don't want a super affectionate relationship and are uncomfortable with a 'stereotypical' relationship dynamic, so you're staying in this one because you think this is the only relationship you could be happy in. i bet you could still be in a relationship with a guy who is more reserved and values personal space (and is less affectionate) without him treating you as if you just didn't matter at all. do you really want to be with someone who isn't considerate of your feelings at all? or would you rather take a break from this and see if you can eventually find someone who treats you better? i know the latter option is more scary because there's no guarantee that you'll find that "better" person, but honestly is it better to play it safe and know you're going to be miserable indefinitely or take a risk for the chance of being in a relationship that could make you happy?

No. 273811

>>273778
I feel like you have a low self-esteem to begin with and your previous relationships didn't help, settling down with that guy didn't make things better, especially since it's a LDR. I think you deserve much better

No. 273842

https://www.med.unc.edu/beacon/wp-content/uploads/sites/598/2018/03/redflagabusivepersonality.pdf

I wish it didn’t take being in an abusive relationship for me to realize I should never have given men the time of day in general. I look back on my life and wish I would’ve just been happy and content with being alone. All this time, I’ve HAD to have a man there. Why? I think because it’s been drilled into my head all my life that women who are single aren’t happy deep down. They’re pitiful, they can’t do everything on their own. It’s so hard breaking this conditioning. When I find out a woman I know is single, I STILL feel bad for her, when I should be jealous. Fuck growing up as a girl in this world.

No. 273843

>>273842
Oh, samefag, I also hate how this is the only space I can say all this and not get the response “well, you just haven’t found the right one yet! There are such nice men out there.” No, there isn’t. There is no “right one.”

No. 273854

>>273843
oh boy. well good luck to you i guess…

No. 273860

>>273843
I do think there are nice/good men out there, they're just outnumbered by good women many many times so most of us are out of luck. Sorry anon, cultural expectations/pressure sucks. I've been voluntary single for a while now and people always need a reason when I say I'm not really looking for a guy to date rn, as if I need to justify it. "But you want a partner someday, RIGHT????" puke, leave me alone.

No. 273863

>>273842
I don't think celibacy should be encouraged (because it's really fucking hard for most people) but it should definitely be normalized and not presented as some kind of death sentence.

No. 273868

>>273863
having a boyfriend is seen like this badge of honor that proves that you are worthy. it’s expected of you and if you happen to be single you start getting this special treatment as if you are weaker than usual and require extra validation. It’s like being treated with this condescending tone that states you will be “whole” very soon, that you will fix this problem . Always done by people in relationships, never heard a single person tell another that “things will get better” or whatever the fuck

No. 273873

>>273863
not having a romantic partner =\= celibacy

No. 273875

>>273842
I've been single the entirety of my 20s and it seems insane that anyone would pity me for it when my life is so stress free and good, it's honestly the only thing that upsets me about being single.

Hopefully it's obvious that I'm happy and if I wanted a bf I could get one. I'm not gonna let other people's opinions force me into doing something I don't want to do, but it's still hurtful to think people assume I'm sad or desperate when I give no indication that I am.

No. 273877

My fiance lied to me, and I feel like saying something about it but I'm not sure if I'm reading too far into it. We were not planning on having a wedding ceremony because I don't want one, the idea of a party where I have to be the center of attention stresses me out among other reasons and we agreed that we'd just get married at the courthouse and spend the money we would use toward a wedding to have a really nice honeymoon instead. Well we went to our favorite music festival this year, and they have a chapel where people can get married there. Right before the trip he randomly brings up that he had inquired about having our wedding at the chapel, but they told him they stopped doing weddings there in 2018, the last time we went there. No big deal to me because I don't want to deal with a wedding anyway especially when I'm trying to have fun on vacation. But we get to the festival, and I could have sworn I saw a couple getting married there. I think maybe they're just characters for the festival, because they have a bunch of actors there doing shenanigans. But then I overheard some of our neighbors planning a surprise wedding at the chapel who sound suspiciously like the guys in our camping group. They never mention the name of the bride and groom, and they mention the bride's proposal was supposed to be at the festival in 2020 that got cancelled (my fiance had told me he had planned the same thing). So now I'm freaking out that he has planned a fucking wedding in secret and I'm going to have photos of me in dirty wook mode immortalized as my wedding photos. Thankfully it never came to be, so I assumed it was a weird drug-fueled nightmare or that our neighbors just coincidentally sound like our campmates. But then I come home and see all kinds of posts from real couples who actually got married at the chapel this year. The chapel my fiance told me doesn't do weddings anymore. Not that they don't have availability, that they straight up stopped doing weddings. Let me remind you that I DON'T want a wedding and have been very explicit in telling everyone that I don't want one. So now I'm wondering, what the hell was the point of lying to me about it? I'm a very paranoid person and the fact that he's lied to me feels like a huge red flag, but I'm worried if I bring it up I'm going to end up getting pressured into having a wedding, because why would it bother me if I didn't want one? But I don't want one, I just don't want a partner who lies to me! Do you think it's possible that someone gave him wrong information? Or do you see this as a warning sign?

No. 273882

>>273877
It's possible he lied but a misunderstanding/miscommuncation happens easily aswell. Is there any (other) reason to believe your fiance will disregard your wishes and will pressure you into having a big wedding, like has he repeatedly tried to change your mind or tried to make you feel bad for it for example?

No. 273883

>>273882
No I haven't gotten any push back from him when I said I didn't want one. He said that he would want one if his parents were still alive, but since they're not it's not important to him. I've asked him several times to be sure, because his family brings it up from time to time and I don't want him to feel like he's missing out on something he wants, I would gladly suck it up and make the best of it if it was something he wanted because I know it's like a milestone event for a lot of people. But he insists we are on the same page and that he doesn't want one. But why then did he even ask if they did weddings and then why tell me "I messaged them and they don't do weddings at the chapel anymore" when they clearly did several weddings when we went? I'm really hoping it was a miscommunication but I'm just feeling confused as to why this situation ever came up in the first place and I'm really scared of being lied to. But the only time I've ever found out he was lying to me was when he was shopping for my ring so idk, please tell me if I sound like a paranoid schizo because I kind of am sometimes, I just don't know if this is one of those times or if I really should be worried about this.

No. 273936

File: 1657174089200.png (1016.79 KB, 648x627, 3840329083409786.png)

>>273842
I could've written this myself nona, but I've reached the point where I don't pity myself or others for being single. I truly believe single women are living the good life and I'm sure you'll get there the longer you have time away from relationships. I hate that I wasted so many years on men that actively dragged me into the mud, but better a trial by fire than living in ignorance. I'm still young and since I've been focusing on myself I've been so much happier and actually accomplishing things. Goals I had thrown to the wayside for the sake of pathetic leeches. It makes me sick to think of how poorly I allowed myself to be treated, but I'm so proud of my progress and excited for the many other things I'll accomplish moving forward.

It takes time. I know everyone says that but it's true and I hope you keep the faith. Believe in yourself, prioritize yourself, and slowly you will start loving yourself to the point you barely even think about the fact you don't have a man in your life. Being free from that mental chokehold is freeing and empowering as fuck. Look forward to it.

No. 273941

>>273936
Maybe you can make your own thread to cope about how totally happy you are to be alone, this is a thread for relationship advice.

No. 273950

>>273941
If her story can help just one woman realize she's stuck in a bad relationship and get out of it this post totally has its place in this thread.

No. 273955

>>273753
why would you stay with someone who demeans you and your emotions just for simply wanting the bare minimum of affection and intimacy? he's basically treating you like an annoyance and gaslighting you into being the "bad guy" because he can't be bothered to try.

No. 273956

>>273936
singe by choice here myself but this post made me cringe. this does not sound like a happy person giving advice, this sounds like someone trying to convince themselves and others of something.

No. 273957

>>273941
>>273956
i'm not seeing that in anon's post at all?

No. 273958

>>273950
Yeah but theres been several anons now talking about how happy and single they are and how they don't need no man, it's just a weird thing to post in the relationship advice thread. Maybe a thread about "how to live happy without men" or something would be a more appropriate place for this discussion.

No. 273960

>>273753
idk it's like women like you just can't get it through your thick heads that being single is an option, I have no idea why'd you be in a relationship that's literally making your life worse otherwise.

No. 273962

>>273958
except that she's saying that she has been through a situation similar to anon's and that being single was the better option for her and relieved her of a lot of the unnecessary stress, and worry that came from such a relationship and that there's nothing to fear in terms of being single, especially when she's in a deeply unfulfilling and damaging relationship. her response was appropriate.

No. 273973

>>273842
It is definitely sad and it makes me sad seeing young girls act as if having a boyfriend is a requirement for a happy life and not a bonus. I remember once when I was volunteering with young kids and one of them asked if I had a boyfriend and I said no and she responded with ‘aw it’s okay.’ I thought it was funny, but also it made me sad that she was so young and felt like not having a boyfriend was automatically a bad thing. Once you’ve been single for a while, you break out of that conditioning and it’s wonderful. Not saying that being in a relationship is bad (obviously there are benefits), but there are plenty of benefits to being single too. You get to spend so much time with yourself and learn a lot about yourself. You learn how to take care of yourself, your needs, and how to meet them in a way that no one else could (I mean how could they- no one is a mind reader). You learn to love and care for yourself like a partner would. It’s almost become an issue for me because when I do meet the rare guy who I like being around and feel compatible with, I pass up the chance on dating because I don’t want to give up my comfy single life (not saying everyone has to be like that, but just that it is possible to prefer being single than in a relationship). I’m sure you can still learn to do this in a relationship, but I think it’s more difficult when there’s another person there who’s needs you also have to consider and occasionally compromise for.

No. 273978

>>273973
I think that the people who are saying that being single is better for yourself are those who are used to always being with someone and just recently discovered that being by themselves is okay too, but I think there’s a limit to how good you can feel and how much you can do on your own. I’m saying this just based on my limited experience ,but after a few years of being single I don’t think there’s anyone who would pass a good lover because they just like it so much better being on their own, I can see not risking their peace for someone who doesn’t seem like they are worth it and waiting for a good match but you can’t deny that having a loving parter feels good, people crave touch and attention.

No. 273986

File: 1657212316127.png (220.74 KB, 500x500, pepe-the-sad-frog-girl-meme-10…)

I stopped talking to a former friend because of the combination of his constant emotional manipulation (criticism of my actions, guilt tripping, etc.) + him catching feelings for me. He recently reached out to me again saying that he started therapy and medications and would like to talk and explain himself. After I told him off for the last time a few months ago I have kept silent but he keeps trying to reach out. Another mutual friend who had also broken off with him is also rekindling their friendship. I am tempted to hear out my former friend because I miss the good times in our platonic friendship and deep down I hope he has really changed. Anons, should I give him another chance?

No. 273989

>>273978
>people crave touch and attention
Nta but I personally don't, being single is basically the default setting for me and the few times I've tried dating felt so wrong, like I was trying to be someone I'm not. I think it might be because I turned 25 as a perma-single and my brain basically settled as celibate I guess.

No. 273995

>>273986
If he's truthful about medication and therapy, and you want to rekindle it, I think it's worth at least giving it a shot. But, regardless of whether you ultimately decide to stay friends or cut ties again, it would be good to clarify that platonic friendship is all you are interested in and there will be nothing else.

No. 273996

>>273978
The craving touch part, people vary but when I've been single for a long time I start to crave touch and not even full sex but parts of it.. Then once I'm dating someone I'll enjoy intimacy for a couple months before it suddenly switches over to being my least favorite part of being with someone. Thats the catch 22 that I'm in.

No. 273998

>>273978
>people crave touch
Not everyone does.
>attention
Maybe, but they can have that need satisfied through friends.
I'm one of those people who needs a loving, passionate relationship to be at my happiest but I can recognize not everyone wants that. I also love being on my own and can be satisfied in the moment with that, but to me nothing beats having a partner who is compatible with you in every way and loves you more than anything. However, I'd rather be content on my own that be with someone who isn't absolutely perfect for me in every way, so for most of my life I've been single.

No. 273999

>>273978
I've been single all my life and I'm 24, so I'm used to it and I LOVE my personal space, I love living alone and doing whatever I want whenever I want, without worrying if it's affecting a partner.

I do crave emotional connection and physical touch though. I have flings and short relationships but I simply cannot see how I'll ever bear living with someone and working around them. It's piss me off eventually. I don't want kids either so idk lol. I wish I could forever live in the beginning stages of a relationship, where we live apart and have our own lives but meeting each other is still exciting and passionate.

It's still normal for me to be single, but I'm not looking forward to people shitting on me in my late 20s and beyond for not being married and pregnant as if it's the highest achievement and brings any sort of joy.

No. 274000

>>273999
You don't know what a relationship is like tho, so how do you know that you wouldn't be happier in one?

No. 274002

>>274000
Nta but you dont have to be in a relationship to be happy.

No. 274004

>>274000
I've had short term relationships. By "been single all my life" I mean 99.99% of the time I'm single.

I don't know if I'll be happier in one. I just love being alone lol. I love being alone but having the option to go to a friend's or guy's house, then go back to mine alone when it gets too much.

No. 274005

>>274002
Maybe re-read what I said cause I don't think you understood it.

No. 274008

>>274002
Anon said happier not happy.

I think she sort of has a point- it's true you can't know for certain you wouldn't be happier in a relationship than you already are perma-single but finding a fulfilling, quality, healthy relationship is a tough quest. Most people go through multiple relationships and heartbreak before settling for one for life. Why go through that for the chance to maybe be a bit happier when you're already satisfied and happy with single life? I wish I didn't desire companionship so much because damn relationships have brought me a lot of negative emotions and experiences.

No. 274011

>>274008
>before settling for one for life
can you even be happy with one person for the rest of your life? I don’t think that’s realistic but we are all told to find a partner “for life” to grow old with. Why can’t you change your boyfriend every 10 years as you enter a new stage in life and why isn’t it seen as a normal thing but being unstable? no one is perfect. why do we close ourselves for life, nothing good lasts forever and we all know it. if we wouldn’t age and we all stayed young forever, how many people do you think would still choose to marry out of love and not out of necesity and pressure to be “paired up” before a certain age?

No. 274015

>>273941
I was responding to an anon talking about struggling to find comfort in being single after experiencing abusive relationships, hence the connection to the relationship thread. There's a difference between finding happiness in being alone having never experienced a relationship and in finding it after dealing with heartbreak/thinking you "need" men.

>>273956
Not sure how or why you're getting that from my post, but I am indeed happy. I wish the same for you.

>>273950
>>273957
Thanks!

No. 274018

>>274011
>Why can’t you change your boyfriend every 10 years as you enter a new stage in life and why isn’t it seen as a normal thing but being unstable?
Because you grow attached and it's easier and better for you mentally to stick with one person (assuming you're a good match). It's like asking why don't you change your family members.

>if we wouldn’t age and we all stayed young forever, how many people do you think would still choose to marry out of love and not out of necesity and pressure to be “paired up” before a certain age?

I'm sure a lot of people settle, but I'd rather gut myself than marry out of some perceived necessity. What fucking necessity, I'm not settling and bearing some idiot just because my mom or dad called me an old maiden

No. 274019

>>274011
Feelings/attachment and stability besides, that'd be very difficult logistically. People's living situations and financials get intertwined with their long term partners.

No. 274022

>>274011
>Why can’t you change your boyfriend every 10 years as you enter a new stage in life and why isn’t it seen as a normal thing but being unstable?
because heterosexual monogamous relationships are rooted in the idea of ownership and the woman belonging to the man. this is what all of the faux romantic stuff about "the one" boils down to - you're supposed to settle with a man, be his baby factory and serve him for the rest of his life because that's convenient for him. while he most likely does not extend the same fidelity to you. if this world wasn't ran by scrotes, it would be a lot easier for people to see that expecting one person to fulfill all of your romantic needs AND to keep fulfilling them for the rest of your life is a fucking batshit insane idea that breeds misery and resentment, especially for the woman.

No. 274023

>>274018
>and better for you mentally to stick with one person
this is a claim without any substance. the other poster said it very well - people grow and change. why is it supposed to be mentally better for you to stay with someone you met back when you were 20 once you're 40, basically a completely different person? do you have some dumb ideas about how having multiple partners is only for mentally unstable women or what?

No. 274024

>>274023
>>274018
Instead arguing you should come to realization women (and humans in general) are not a monolith and can have different needs and expectations from life and relationships and there's no right or wrong choice.

No. 274025

>>274024
this would be fine to say in a world where all the choices were equally accepted and presented as viable options for women. as things stand, some choices are considered right and wrong already.

No. 274029

Early 30s couple, f/f

My gf has a phobia of vomiting and as a result is extremely paranoid about food safety, even more than the average Burger. I'm from a place where food poisoning is much rarer than it is in North America but somehow I'm too lax about how long I keep things in the fridge for her. This causes friction because she always questions the safety of the food I make even though I've never given anybody food poisoning, ever. I don't actually keep things in the fridge for too long, I have a thermometer to probe meat when I cook, I clean vegetables way better than she does even, etc. Even when she doesn't say anything negative and eats, I catch her furtively googling some FDA suggestion based on the assumption that people are retarded and live in a pig sty. It's so hard to reason with her, especially since she keeps believing whatever the older people around her claim and I can't reason whatsoever. Once I had to debate her on whether she can eat cinnamon that isn't one specific brand because she read some clickbait about cinnamon toxicity based on some bs study where they made rodents ingest an impossible amount or some shit like that, idr exactly. I spent like an hour explaining to her that you need to look things up and see what the studies actually say, whether the studies are well-conducted and the backgrounds of the people that ran it etc…

Mostly I want to just tell her to fuck off and cook her own food then but she doesn't like to cook, doesn't eat a lot, etc so she's literally got malnutrition as determined by her doctor. I was cooking for us as a way to make sure she gets her daily macros in (and me too, helps keep me motivated not to order in) but it's starting to annoy me. Even if I don't cook she's obsessed with how long yogurt has been in the fridge, for instance. Do I need to just let her starve herself and waste food that is safe to eat? I love her so I want the food thing to work but I can't keep getting mad either. I feel like we do a lot for each other and are generally patient but the food thing is so extremely annoying to me. Feeling like an asshole typing this stuff up rn, I'm really trying hard to be more patient…

No. 274031

>a lot easier for people to see that expecting one person to fulfill all of your romantic needs AND to keep fulfilling them for the rest of your life is a fucking batshit insane idea that breeds misery and resentment, especially for the woman
oh look it's the mentally ill polyamory faggot that won't quit infesting the thread

No. 274049

>>274029
It seems like you've done everything you can to reason with her, but in the end it's a phobia and so by definition it's not a rational fear. I think the most you can do for her is recommend therapy to overcome her obsession with food safety rather than trying to convince her any further. I would try to maintain your boundaries and not let her pull you into extended conversation about it. Be upfront and say it's draining, that you care about her well being, but she's going to have to make a personal decision about whether or not she can chill if she's going to eat your cooking. Ignore her Googling and shut down conversations about how long you've washed vegetables or what brand of cinnamon you use. She can starve if she's truly that uncomfortable trusting your judgment, but considering she's been eating your food for this long my bet is that hunger will win out.

No. 274071

>>274029
She has an eating disorder. Atypical anorexia.
Not all anorexia sufferers are scared of gaining weight, some types are scared of food itself, of choking on it or bring poisoned by it or similar.
She needs professional help.

No. 274072

>>274029
Honestly sounds like OCD or some other mento illness. Regular people do not function like that.

No. 274074

>>274029
I agree with the other anons, that sounds like an eating disorder, especially with her being diagnosed with malnourishment. If she was just ignorant about food safety, I’d say you guys could take a food safety class together, but it doesn’t sound like accurate information is really going to change her mind about not eating, more like she is looking for reasons not to eat. I think you should encourage her to get help.

No. 274085

>>274022
It's so obvious that a lot of you come from broken homes and have never even seen someone have a happy marriage. Not that I blame you for that, but you shouldn't shit on everyone else just because your parents are divorced and you are jaded about men.

I've been very fortunate to watch my parents model what a relationship should be like for me, they have been together for 35 years and are still in love, still happy and absolutely devoted to each other. They are totally adorable together, my dad still buys my mom flowers and they still kiss and hug all the time and you can just tell that they are soulmates. When one of them comes home from a rough day the other catches them and comforts them, they have been through so much together (poverty and family tragedies) and always stuck by each other. My mom would laugh her ass off if I were to read her your comment about women being only breeding machines and slaves to husbands.

It's absolutely worth trying to find "your person" to be your partner in life and to share your burdens with you.

No. 274095

>>274085
au contraire, anon. my parents had the best, most loving relationship. it was so good and I was so sheltered by it, that I didn’t realize an abusive man before I got into a relationship with him. I didn’t know what red flags were or even that men were very commonly horrible to their significant other. I thought the vast majority of relationships were like the one my parents had with each other and that I was simply part of an unlucky few. I had to find out the hard way, multiple times, that was far from the truth. I’m grateful for social media now teaching younger women and girls now about how to recognize an abusive man BEFORE they entangle themselves with him (as their mother’s may have done unknowingly.) I’m not sure if this is exactly a straight response to your post, but it’s my experience, anyway. blinded by the real examples of a good marriage and society’s “true love” narrative, I do feel like I lived in a fantasy world until I reached dating age and found out it was all an illusion.

No. 274099

>>274085
Your mom is among the lucky few.

No. 274101

>>274095
My mother taught me what to look out for in men and what red flags are. I've also always had my dad as a great rolemodel as to how a man should act so all the men I have dated kind of had to "live up" to that in a way. I have never been in an abusive relationship because I know what I deserve.

No. 274102

>>274101
>I have never been in an abusive relationship because I know what I deserve
This sounds a bit simplistic (and kinda victim blaming) though, what if the guy doesn't exhibit any red flag at first and waits for a while (like the wedding or the first child) before revealing his true colors?

No. 274104

>>274102
it's not victim blaming if you're just a dumb bitch or mentally ill (mentally ill people are roped into abusive relationships more than anyone else, regular people don't need the advice or opinions of the mentally ill). can this thread go back to being relationship advice and not copium about needing no man…

No. 274108

>>274101
You are right. A lot of mothers don't teach their daughters what to look out for, because they themselves never figured it out or were never taught by their own parents. A lot of people are just not ready to be parents, and they don't properly prepare their children for this world.
>I've also always had my dad as a great rolemodel as to how a man should act
This is the way. On the flip side, I recognized how emotionally abusive and horrible my dad was to both my mother and me, so he indirectly taught me what to avoid. This sounds like a cope, it's actually been pretty helpful because I have absolutely no tolerance for emotionally stunted and/or emotionally abusive scrotes.

No. 274112

>>274085
I don’t know what sheltered life you’ve had where everything is pink so you think that those who don’t have the perfect relationship are doing something wrong with their lives,but look around you and stop feeling superior over others and get a grip on reality. Pay attention to your friends coworkers etc relation with their s/o. Not many can brag about being together for 100 years and being the perfect couple who loves each other forever. This whole thread is about relationship problems, should we all break up and wait for “our person” to pop out?

No. 274138

>>274112
She's on some narcissistic shit tbh, anyone who complains about how stupid everyone else is about dating just doesn't realize they lucked out.

No. 274145

>>274085
individual examples don't prove something to be wrong on a systematic level. what's next, "not all men are shitty, my bf is so nice!!!!"?

No. 274146

Hi anons, I have an excellent Nigel. He does everything for me - cooking, cleaning, makes me lunch for work, etc. and he really loves me.

I have BPD and don't engage in any of the extreme behaviors anymore. I just cry if I'm really upset, for instance. I don't know how to deal with the fact he critiques my thoughts, beliefs and behaviors. I use those terms specifically because sometimes it hurts me quite a lot and if I say he is talking about my character, he claims he isn't because it's about one of the three terms mentioned above. The thing is, I do feel like to a point those things can indicate character.
Anyway, I accept his critiques and try to work on them because I know I have a lot of issues. The thing is, it is getting overwhelming how many issues I have and it's tanking how I feel about myself. I don't know what to do. I don't want him to stop telling me the truth about me, but I also wish I didn't feel like I'm a failure at the relationship or that he hates me or looks down on me when he doesn't, according to him.

I'm the sole issue in the relationship and while it sucks, it is true and I don't know how to deal with it emotionally. I'm literally with Mr. Perfect and I feel guilty it weighs down on me. We do everything together, showering, brushing teeth together, playing video games, cooking, etc. so we are very close. I just feel on a daily basis I don't deserve him and it is messing with me a lot. I don't understand why he doesn't go to a woman who is all the things I am, as they aren't hard to find, but with a stable background.

Sometimes I feel like maybe he enjoys the fact he knows he is better than me, but I also think that could be my BPD paranoia speaking.

I just don't understand why a catch like him is with me when I have so many issues. It is true I work on them and correct them, but secretly, I wish I could one day just not have issues the way he does and be okay as I am. However, I feel like that fantasy is wrong because we are all human and we make mistakes and wrong decisions.

I really don't know how to cope with this. Advice is greatly appreciated
Basically, how do I cope with being the problem in a relationship? I feel stupid telling him how sad and awful I feel for being, well, not as good of a partner or person as I could.

Examples of my issues because i don't think I'm being gaslit:
>Unreliability
I have had minor issues with putting things away after work the way he wants them to be put away. He's very picky with household routines. So I am correcting that.
>Not taking criticism well
I don't take criticism well. I'm not sure how because I take it to heart, but I think it is because it makes me so depressed so it's not a good experience for him giving me criticism. I always admit he is right, but maybe the admittance doesn't mean much because i act so hurt. I need to get a better hold on myself, basically
>Thoughts, Desires, Behaviors
Ones that negatively affect us. A major one is my thoughts on sex. I'm obsessive about sex. If we don't have sex for 2 days I get genuinely depressed and I feel unwanted. This gets on his nerves because the 2 days we won't have sex will be because we were both ultra tired or whatever. It has nothing to do with me, yet I always turn it into something about me if it is related to sex frequency. this is very difficult for me to change because since I was a kid, I wanted to be in a relationship for the sake of being pursued sexually. It feels like a core part of who I am. But, it must go, and I somehow need to find a way. I'm not looking forward to this at all but I have to for his sake.

That's a sample from the last 2 weeks.

No. 274147

>>274146
so your obvious flaws are that you don’t always clean after yourself, feel sad when he points out something you did wrong and that you have a high sex drive? if you only stopped the sex when you are super busy and tired which i will assume doesn’t happen every week or too otfen, you do realize they sound like very normal things that have nothing to do with your bpd diagnosis, just basic shit any neurotypical does? if you pick a medium-annoying person off he street how do you compare? are you really sure he is as perfect as he seems and you as bad as he makes it seem , how long have you two been togheter? maybe he just gets off on feeling like a paternal figure, educating and raising you the way he likes. you seem very aware and ashamed of your problems but you haven’t expressed anything empathetic from him on your situation.
>im the sole issue in the relationship
>he tells me the truth im not capable of seeing on my own
>he can change me anytime for a better woman
>advice on issues where i think i’m not being gaslit
why, do you think there are some where does gaslit you lol , you sound too impressed and dependent on this guy and that you are ready to do anything to please him. he isn’t your psychatrist there to fix you, he is just some guy , you aren’t a crazy unsafe person that needs his guidance and evaluation

No. 274148

>>274112
I was trying to provide an alternative view of relationships because this thread is entirely defeatist and now just women saying "I guess single forever is the only way to go, can't live without men ever." Of course you get fucking mad about it, you just want to keep all the crabs in the bucket, every time an anon tries to escape the bucket you try to pull them back in. Be jaded and lonely forever for all I care.

No. 274149

>>274148
the alternative you are offering is the perfect relationship, why won’t we believe it ? people just refuse good relationships because they are little stupid mentally ill bitches or whatever you said

No. 274150

>>274147
Remember that anon has BPD and is therefore an extremely unreliable narrator. BPD people always think they are being victimized, but more often than not they are the abusers. Anon's boyfriend literally treats her like a child
>He does everything for me - cooking, cleaning, makes me lunch for work, etc. and he really loves me.
and they "do everything together" even go to the bathroom, probably to take a shit while the other watches. This sounds like a completely nonfunctional person to me who is extremely clingy and her boyfriend is probably trying to encourage her to be more independent and clean up after herself since apparently he is the only one who cleans.

No. 274151

>>274149
I didn't say anything of the sort. I never said you not having a good relationship is your fault.

No. 274156

>>274147
My most obvious flaws are that I take things very personally and that I'm paranoid. I've reigned in the paranoia quite a bit, but I still struggle with taking things personally. I wasn't always as good at masking my BPD as I am now - when I first got with him, I was obviously anorexic, I self harmed a lot, I was an addict to different stuff, and I was extremely paranoid and jealous. I am no longer any of those except the paranoia and jealousy, but I don't let him get affected by that, I deal with that internally.

We've been together 3 years and have lived together for 1 year. I think he really is. He's been so patient with me getting through my BPD. At the beginning I once yelled at him in public, I got into a psych ward, etc. and he stayed with me through it all. He's never been like that. His worst flaws were in the beginning, he wasn't as empathetic or tender and hated it when I was hurt by something he'd say or do. Now he is much more empathetic and doesn't really do the latter anymore. He also is much more delicate in how he talks to me, most of the time. But even him not talking to me nicely is far kinder compared to how anyone else would speak. He cares for his parents and family, tries to do everything to make me happy, is hardworking and has concrete goals he wants to accomplish, and he puts me and his family above everything else. He always wants to spend time with me when I'm home from work. I can't fault him for anything.

>do you think there are some where does gaslit you

No, but on lc I see people jump to conclusions and I want to make sure people see he's not a guy that is just saying this stuff to neg me. It is true.

>>274150
>Remember that anon has BPD and is therefore an extremely unreliable narrator
100%
>her boyfriend is probably trying to encourage her to be more independent and clean up after herself since apparently he is the only one who cleans
He cleans because he wants to since he is home more often. He was in school for a while while I worked full time and he only recently graduated so he's still looking for work while working for his dad. I have offered to clean and do clean for the hell of it sometimes, but he genuinely prefers to clean things himself. In regards to independence, I sort of agree, he knows I don't have friends and want friends, but at the same time, he gets sad if I try to spend time by myself reading or doing my own hobbies and it pressures me to spend time with him.

No. 274157

>>274148
Nta. The problem wasn't that you were offering an alternative view of relationships, the problem was that you're making it out as if it's womens' fault by default they can't find decent men and healthy relationships and that they must be really stupid for not having been able to replicate what you and your mom have.

What your mom and her partner have is an absolute rarity even in the world of normies who don't have the "crabs in a bucket stay single all men suck" mindset you accuse anons itt of having.

No. 274159

>>274157
I have never said anything of the sort, those are your own projections.

No. 274160

>>274156
Sounds extremely unhealthy and codependent.

No. 274161

>>274160
Okay, so what is there to do about that?

No. 274162

>>274146
>>274156
This sounds really weird, like he's probably not all that perfect and you're idolizing him too much because he was there for you when things were difficult.
But anyway, if you really feel like you're that awful of a partner, how about you sit him down and talk to him about it? You can both come up with a plan and discuss concrete things you can work on towards being a better partner. You already have some idea of what to change, and talking about it with him can help you feel some sort of accountability to follow through. I'm not sure I agree with your assessment of you being an awful partner towards him, but even if you feel that way, it doesn't mean it's set in stone forever. It's something you can change.

No. 274164

>>274085
>My mom would laugh her ass off if I were to read her your comment
I'm not a part of this convo but who types this line out and goes… yes I definitely want to post this on lc. I want to tell anons that my mom would laugh at their opinons.. are you winning nonnie? kek

No. 274166

>>274164
she sounds underage ngl

No. 274169

>>274159
You're literally saying it here >>274104 calling other women dumb bitches for no reason.

No. 274170

>>274085
you're pathetic and shouldn't even involve yourself in this discussion if you're going to ignore the vast majority of contemporaneous relationships because "my mom and dad!!"

No. 274173

>>274162
I think my mind is "stuck" lately since we've tried doing that and it makes me feel worse because I feel more criticized since we talk about how I think and how that's not a good thing.

Lately I find myself questioning all my thoughts and structures and it's really exhausting. I feel like I'm close to getting frozen by how wrong all my thoughts are. I feel determined to change, but I also feel so incredibly depressed that my mind is this way. I wish I would relax and not worry about how I think and just let it happen, but I can't because I don't perceive anything correctly.

I wish I could have 1 day where I don't worry about whether I am thinking okay thoughts or not.

I wish I could accept criticism without it making me feel bad about myself or noticing that no one else has as many flaws as I do.

No. 274174

>>274169
Not the same anon.

No. 274175

>>274170
It was honestly meant to give people hope that good relationships exist, instead you all chose to take offense to it, I think you are genuinely just happy to be jaded and miserable. If anyone makes a post that is not "Yeah men suck, it's not worth trying, break up with your boyfriend, all relationships are trash and not worth it" you immediately start seething. Crabs in a bucket.

No. 274177

>>274175
are you by any chance the same anon who constantly brags about her supposedly perfect relationship with a man who refuses to be friends with women "out of respect for her"? kek. you have the same spergy writing style.

No. 274180

>>274175
You sounded a bit too offended about women choosing to be single, saying they were coping or whatever, you kinda sound like the same anon who was clutching her pearls about childfree people last week.

No. 274183

>>274175
>break up with your boyfriend, all relationships are trash and not worth it
What are you talking about? Absolutely no one said that.

No. 274186

>>274175
>If anyone makes a post that is not "Yeah men suck, it's not worth trying, break up with your boyfriend, all relationships are trash and not worth it" you immediately start seething. Crabs in a bucket.
again that wasn't the problem with your post but you just twist it as anons being bitter.

>all relationships are trash and not worth it

are you just purposely oblivious to the endless, near-daily stream of posts encouraging anons to get good boyfriends who aren't abusive losers? the vast majority of anons encourage anons to seek out quality men.

No. 274193

File: 1657311007002.gif (442.85 KB, 220x207, flashback.gif)

>>274175
This thread was unusable for part of last year because an admitted scrote kept coming back here, camping out in the thread and sperging out that 'everyone here is anti-relationship' as soon as even one post was cynical. That was all it took for him to go off again and derail the thread for days with similar shit to what you're insisting here. That we're all one like minded group.. comparable to animals
>seething. Crabs in a bucket
..

No. 274285

>>274193
hmm now that you mention it, more recently there's also that one anon who was seething about childfree women and basically calling men who get vasectomies self-castrating beta soyboy cucks. and that one anon who was seething at the polysperg because, in their words, "she just wanted to make us hate our boyfriends" (don't get me wrong, the polysperg was retarded too but it's curious how there's a trend in this thread of someone seething hard over women choosing anything other than a traditional heterosexual monogamous nuclear family relationship)
HMMMMMMMM…..

No. 274288

The tinfoiling is more annoying than any of the slapfighting. At least that shit is entertaining to watch, the tinfoiling just makes you look completely insane and honestly a little bit too terminally online. I can't even imagine being on here so much that I feel like I know what ANONYMOUS poster is the same person just based on a couple of lines of text. Touch some grass sometime and calm down.

No. 274311

>>274288
Some of those 'anonymous' posters blatantly make themselves stand out though, so that's their fault.

No. 274317

>>274311
I think you're just paranoid. Everyone who doesn't fit into the hivemind is immediately "this anon that also disagreed with me before!". It's like you can't imagine that there are several people on here who have differing opinions from you. But I'm also not on here enough to develop this weird obsession with trying to figure out which anon is who. It seems entirely pointless to me.

No. 274318

>>274288
>I feel like I know what ANONYMOUS poster is the same person just based on a couple of lines of text.
Well yeah, that's the whole point. I wish I didn't feel like I know. But it's difficult not to feel that way when a couple of posters are obsessed with being "thread personalities"

No. 274320

>>274317
it's not paranoia when some of those posters literally admit to it though (not related to this thread but as an example, paki-anon admitting to being the anti-fujo poster who posted her and her brother's hand)

No. 274335

>>274320
It could be literally anyone taking the fucking piss. The point of this website is that posters are anonymous, if you want to know who you're posting with just go to Kiwifarms. Stop off-topic sperging about your anon-tinfoils.

No. 274341

>>274335
no need to go to kf for it when people like the scanditard take the name they've been assigned by tinfoilers and proudly respond namefaggedly every time they're called upon
yeah, tinfoiling stokes the flames, but the narcissist weirdos who've become obsessed being Known For Something in the lolcow relationship advice thread are surely the bigger problem… they're the ones flouting anonymity, while tinfoilers are simply calling it out

No. 274398

Tell me I'm not retarded for splitting up over empty water bottles and crumbles on the counter, nonas.
I've been dreading living with my boyfriend. He's messy, disorganized, basically retarded. He lived with his mom and brother until age 28 and she was a clean freak stay at home mother so I suspect he did very little chores except doing the dishes when it was 'his turn'. I suspect he has ADHD or something because for fucks sake nothing gets in that head of his. We are VERY incompatible when it comes to housework. I have had many calm conversations explicitly detailing what was bothering me and what I wanted to change and he does it for a few days and then stops again.
If the floor is dirty he doesn't swipe or clean it unless I tell him to. The place can turn into a pigsty and he never really has the attittude to do anything about it unless I tell him to. He does it on command when asked, but he NEVER has the attitude to do anything on the house. He never washes the clothes even if they're a huge pile and overflowing, he eats on the fucking counter and just leave the crumbles there, the cats litterboxes can be packed full of shit and piss and he never cleans them, and most of the time he doens't even close the lid of things he just opened, he just leaves them there. Today he left an empty water bottle over the fridge and when I opened it it fell on my head. Like if it was empty couldn't he just have put it on the trash? Is taking a few seconds to do it SO hard? And he left his medicine bottle with the lid off on the sink knowing the cats constantly get there and knock everything on the floor or ffs eat it.
We had so much potential and I liked him so much but he doesn't change. He generally lacks an attitude about everything in his life like grooming himself trying to impress me anything, he doesn't t have mental issues like depression. (other than the ADHD I SUSPECT, not confirmed)
He's just completely retarded, he's like a giant ugly baby. It gets under my skin SO much. If someone said they broke up with their partner over these things I would have said it was ridiculous but it's making me insanely stressed ever since we moved in together. I hated it so much. We can't afford 2 places so I'm considering to break up and he goes back to his house. I feel sad because I like him but I hate living with him…. And on top of that I felt like I mostly had some sort of intellectual attraction going on with some idealization in the mix so now that everything is mundane I don't feel attracted anymore, and since he never makes an effort about impressing me, it's just that, we've been like roommates for the past 3 montths. It's not miserable or unbearable but it's sad. I know I'll miss him when he inevitably leaves, but I hate living with him and I'm not attracted to him anymore either.

No. 274402

>>274398
Experiencing all this first hand, do you REALLY think it's ridiculous to break up with your partner over this? All this stress, his lack of effort, lack of maturity, respect for you first and foremost, since you've asked him multiple times and still nothing. It's sad to read how he doesn't care about looking attractive to you anymore either. I suppose best idea would be sitting him down and having serious conversation about all of these things, followed up by ensuring he understands the relationship is bound to fail if he shows no real desire for a permanent change, not just few days of half asset attempts and then fall back to old habits. Of course its not reasonable to expect an immediate 180 change from a person, but just continuous and noticeable effort and steps forward getting better. But you will need to be ready to actually go through with it if he doesn't do anything again.

No. 274403

File: 1657417049764.jpeg (47.22 KB, 320x321, 1657337574338.jpeg)

Anons, I have many questions. For context, I'm a 30 year old woman, I've had one boyfriend 10 years ago for 1 year, then lots of short proto-romances and sexual relationships after that. No boyfriends in school. I grew up without adults in romantic relationships around me to learn from.

I've always wanted something long term and stable with a man (I'm heterosexual), but I straight up have no clue what that looks like. I can get to the initial stages, like flirting, going on dates, etc, but I don't know how to act after that. Men with whom I had the beginnings of a relationship with, have said that I grow distant and begin to act "weird" once things develop past that stage - I've been told a couple of times from guys that they start feeling like a piece of meat/fuck buddy. It's either that, or (when I avoided being sexual at this point) that I'm distant and cold. It's really distressing to me because a couple of times, I was quite invested in someone, but it sounded like that didn't come through for them.

Basically what I want to know is, what activities does a couple engage in, non sexually? What do people usually do in this stage of a relationship, where you're spending more casual time together? What does a day in a brand new relationship looks like? What do you talk about with a boyfriend?

I've asked these questions to my therapist, but she could never give me concrete examples (I think she doesn't want to mould my idea of relationships with her own experiences, or her other clients', which is understandable). When I ask her why I'm this way, she usually points to me not having seen adults having romantic relationships in my formative years as a reason why I have no baseline for it.

Anyway, sorry for rambling. Basically I'm looking for concrete examples of day to day life in a relationship, and how to relate with men in a way that isn't just flirtatious or sexual.

No. 274406

>>274403
Every relationship is different. My Nigel and I are best friends, we talk together, do chores together, go grocery shopping together, basically everything together, though sometimes we will decidedly do different activities but that's usually on the weekends because during the weekdays, we're just so happy to see each other when I'm home from work that we usually do everything together.

Some couples prefer to have much more separate time than we do. Some would find it stifling how we live. It is fine with us, though, we don't have friends and didn't really before each other so I suspect us being together all the time has something to do with that.

A typical day goes like this:
>We wake up
>Cuddle and talk for 10-15 minutes
>I get up to go get ready for work
>Nigel prepares my breakfast, lunch, and tea for work
>I leave for work
>We text a bit during work
>I return
>We have dinner that he made
>We clean up the kitchen
>We hang out for a bit, usually we watch interesting YouTube videos and talk about them, or we talk about our day, pressing household issues, or our past, whatever has been on our mind
>We shower
>We play video games together, watch something together, or just talk
>Sex
>Bed
It's a neat little routine. We've been together for 5 years, lived together for 3. On Saturday we do household chores and grocery shopping like I said and on Sunday we relax and either go out together or hang out with his family (I don't visit mine). We often prepare very nice elaborate meals together on the weekends, too, though he does the heavy lifting because he prefers cooking more out of the two of us though I always pitch in. Usually I read while he cooks or journal. We also paint together on separate projects and we like to do home improvement projects together. There's a lot more I could add, but I'd rather not. We also have always had a very active sex life and we put effort into maintaining it. On the weekends we usually have sex 2x a day and on the weekdays it's at night. Sometimes we miss a day if we're super exhausted. We are very vanilla.

In regards to interests, even if we don't share it independently of each other, we know all about whatever the other is interested in.

I think my example is rather extreme, though. Most people we've met have more separate lives from their partners.

I hope this helps.

No. 274411

>>274406
does he… not work?

No. 274417

>>274398
You’re not retarded, read this article and then stand up for yourself:
https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/what-is-the-mental-load(imageboard)

No. 274420

>>274406
Thank you nona!
>>274411
Sounds like he's a house Nigel, with the cooking and whatnot. Very based imo.

No. 274421

>>274420
>>274411
He does work, he just gets home an hour and a half earlier than I do. He works for his father and is picking up the trade so he can take over.

No. 274429

>>274406
love it when people who are very obviously unhealthily codependent try to spin their relationship as just a "we just love each other so so much" kind of thing

No. 274430

>>274429
It sounds fine to me and they are happy. Someone's jealous, kek.

No. 274432

>>274429
kek I'm this anon but 10 years in, it fucking rules.

No. 274434

>>274430
>jealous of two people who do everything together solely because they both somehow have zero other friends
i fully expected this reply but anon, come on. use your head here. what does "he's my best friend" even mean when it's a best out of one situation?

No. 274437

>>274429
>loving couple enjoys their time together
>such unhealthy relationship!!
lmao

No. 274438

>>274437
If it works for them good, but I think it's terrible advice to give to someone who has no idea what to do and expect of a relationship, especially the zero friend thing.

No. 274440

>>274429
hope you get better

No. 274442

>>274430
actual codependency comes from an unhealthy place and isn't a good thing at all. it's like saying "idk let her starve, it makes her happy, someone's jealous she's not that thin"

No. 274445

>>274442
their relationship isn't "actual codependency". get a life

No. 274446

>>274406
This sounds amazing, I'm really happy for you!

No. 274447

>>274445
>having zero close non-family relationships other than your significant other and practically shitting together isn't actual codependency
the bpd aside, this is basically the same relationship as bpd-chan's from earlier

No. 274448

>>274447
it's not codependency just because it doesn't check off your box of them not having friends, people gain and lose friends all throughout their lives. that's like diagnosing someone with a mental disorder just because they only have one symptom…
not that i need to state it again, but no, they clearly are not codependent. do you have bpd yourself? it's always the ones bringing it up that have it themselves…

No. 274450

>>274448
>people gain and lose friends all throughout their lives
"we don't have friends and didn't really before each other" doesn't sound like they're just in a weird spot where they have less friends temporarily due to e.g. moving
>it's always the ones bringing it up that have it themselves…
take your meds lol

No. 274452

>>274450
not having friends doesn't make you codependent. a heap of unhealthy things makes a codependent relationship, not just one factor. you take your meds.

No. 274454

>>274452
>having your partner be your one and only main social contact and basically your entire world isn't a sign of codependency
you are too dumb to be having this conversation with

No. 274455

>>274454
>thinking having 1 symptom of something automatically makes you that thing when everything else may indicate otherwise
dumb bpd bitch lol, don't bpd freaks think in black and white like this? i guess you have bpd

No. 274456

>>274455
>dumb bpd bitch lol
scrote hands typed this post

No. 274458

>>274403
>30 year old shaynafag
Your first mistake

No. 274459

>>274445
I wasn't saying it was, learn to read.

No. 274461

>>274456
nope, you're just a dumb bpd bitch, obsessed with some random anonymous couple that you're DYING for something to be wrong in their relationship because it'll help you cope with the fact that you'll never be able to hold down a somewhat normal relationship yourself. you can't even hold down a therapist.

No. 274463

>>274461
damn that's a lot of seethe, you sound way obsessed with me than me with them

No. 274465

>>274463
LMAO keep coping(infighting)

No. 274466

>>274465
you forgot to add "bitch" there, lest someone forgets where your emotions are really coming from(infighting)

No. 274467

>>274398
>lived with his mom and brother until age 28 and she was a clean freak stay at home mother so I suspect he did very little
I'm pretty sure I saw you post about this guy in vent lately too. I mean you don't need to justify leaving him to anyone else but even if you did.. you've already lost attraction to him.. that's bigger than some crumbs. Feeling like roommates and not even good roommates is a pretty valid reason to want to move out and move on.

No. 274469

>>274461
It happens every time an anon ITT dares to mention that they are happy in their relationship or describes their happy relationship. Immediately the claws come out and the relationship is nitpicked to death. I think there are a lot of single ladies in here who are extremely bitter that other people have found love.

No. 274470

>>274469
>literal bitter cat ladies" logic that gets used every time someone dares to criticize a relationship in a thread that is supposed to be for relationship advice

No. 274473

>>274470
There's literally nothing to comment on. Both parties are both happy in the relationship, she's getting her needs met, and she isn't getting abused or taken advantage of.

No. 274474


No. 274479

>>274466
your posts are coming from insane jealousy and mental illness. do you think i give a fuck about you nitpicking me calling you a bitch? (which you are lol)

No. 274481

>>274479
a moid running amok in the relationship advice thread, many such cases

No. 274482

>>274479
sure smells like axe body spray in here

No. 274483

File: 1657458918689.jpg (53.82 KB, 720x673, 8d9ab1a3a8a1e2c933e51f45890312…)

The moment I saw that retarded 'you guys are like crabs in a bucket' phrase get posted the other day I knew we were in for this non-stop shit all over again accusing everyone of being bitter and anti-relationship. Cat ladies, roasties, bitter bitches, seething, claws out.. on and on

I have no doubt that this will get brought up again and again every day now and we need to just ignore. Same scrote as before

No. 274484

>>274483
oh god shut up. calling some retard a bitch because she won't quit crying that anon is DEFINITELY IN A CODEPENDENT RELATIONSHIP while her seethe and jealousy is showing, isn't queue for you to accuse everyone of being a moid. not everyone is a level 35 radfem that refuses to even utter the word bitch to other women. grow up.

No. 274486

>>274484
>isn't queue for you to
Cue

No. 274487

>>274486
sorry, esl

No. 274488

File: 1657459391003.png (50.8 KB, 678x525, 2393EB0C-C897-4B42-979D-569C6B…)

>>274484
I was ready to take your side cause anon's relationship sounds cute and harmless but you somehow sound more retarded despite being right. Maybe take a break ftom this thread.

No. 274490

>>274488
yeah i know i'm right. getting pulled into a ridiculous argument with a bpd that twists everything until i call her a bitch and suddenly i sound uwu aggressive doesn't phase me. that anon's relationship is harmless imo, and that's that. no need to even keep talking about this.

No. 274491

>>274490
Okay, now you just sound straight up retarded.

No. 274492

>>274491
okay? i'm right and that's all there is to it. why do you keep dragging this out lol…

No. 274495

>>274434
>>274429
>>274450
I was saying we don't have friends as in, we don't visit friends. He has a few and I have 1 from college. All my other childhood friends don't live anywhere near us and we hadn't kept in touch even years before I met him. We don't really hang out with either of our friends because we don't agree/mesh with their lifestyles (they have kids, or they are alcoholics, plus they live far away, etc.). Neither of us are really people persons, I grew up in a weird culty religious family (hence why I don't visit except maybe 1 or 2 times a year) and he grew up relatively isolated because he grew up like an only child. I meant "we've never had friends" as in we functionally don't have friends and we've never really sought out friendships because we were content on our own, either before and after we were together.

But even then, it's not like I have no one. I am not afraid to make friends if necessary and my family is large and has a lot of money and I know they'd support me anyway even though I don't visit.

No. 274496

>>274490
>I grew up in a weird culty religious family (hence why I don't visit except maybe 1 or 2 times a year) and he grew up relatively isolated because he grew up like an only child. I meant "we've never had friends" as in we functionally don't have friends and we've never really sought out friendships because we were content on our own
Alright so you're both mentally ill weirdos, case closed, we can drop this now.

No. 274503

>>274496
I guess that means even mentally ill weirdos can find true love, but you're still single and seething. What does that say about you, nonnie?

No. 274504

>>274483
Maybe you'd be accused of being bitter and anti-relationship less if you… idk… acted less bitter and anti-relationship? The crab in a bucket image is the perfect description for this thread.

No. 274506

>>274504
>be in a thread that is supposed to be for relationship advice
>post anything even remotely critical about a specific relationship
>you are now anti-relationships
>my face when no face

No. 274509

>>274504
Stop sperging

No. 274514

>>274506
Anon wasn't asking for advice for her relationship. Someone else asked for examples of what people in relationships to together and anon said "I have a very happy relationship and here is what we do together" to give an example. But you can't fucking help yourself but attack anyone who is happy because you want everyone to be as miserable as you. It's very very obvious to anyone looking on. Every time you shit on other women in this thread for dating men you are showing us how bitter you are.

No. 274516

I met a guy last summer. We hit it off in so many ways but I've been playing aloof when it comes to taking the step to make it anything romantic. All the while my feelings just grow. He's been hinting from the start and I'm playing dumb because I'm stuck between my feelings and.. what I think is common sense. My worry is that he has a history of addiction. His dad is a semi-functional alcoholic, that addiction broke his family up and his mom eventually remarried. I can just see warning signs that he's destined to take after the dad. He has some self awareness but still.. the nature of addiction is that it's persistent.

He had a pill habit years ago and got pretty deep in with it but right now he has his shit together. Job, home, got his license back, new car etc. He lost alot and got it back. He's aware he was self medicating for years and he knows the pitfalls. He knows he has mood issues. He's talks about his emotions more than anyone I know, in a good way. In some ways he's ahead of plenty of 'sane' men I know when it comes to his openness and awareness of his flaws. He's not entirely off of alcohol though so I worry about how serious he is about sobriety. I just can't stop being bummed out by how much we seem like a fit but then I don't have it in me to deal with much at this stage. We're in our early thirties. My last relationship was with a man with emotional problems who refused to hear it and who drank and sulked whenever I tried. I can't do that again. Do I want to take this risk? I'm in limbo. Has anyone else here dated someone with a history of addiction? Thoughts?

No. 274519

>>274514
>Anon wasn't asking for advice for her relationship.
yeah, she presented her weird ass relationship to someone who wanted an example of a relationship which is even worse. that's not good advice to the op.
>Every time you shit on other women in this thread for dating men you are showing us how bitter you are.
not everyone you disagree with is the same person, schizo. just regarding this issue alone you're arguing with like 2-3 other anons as well

No. 274521

>>274516
>He had a pill habit years ago and got pretty deep in with it but right now he has his shit together.
oh boy

No. 274541

>>274519
>not everyone you disagree with is the same person, schizo
lol. Of course. unless it's someone who disagrees with YOU, then you know it's "nordic anon" or "paki-anon" or whatever person lives in your head rent-free. Just log off, touch some grass and maybe you'll find some love while you're outside so you don't have to be such a bitter bitch.

No. 274543

>>274541
>lol. Of course. unless it's someone who disagrees with YOU, then you know it's "nordic anon" or "paki-anon" or whatever person lives in your head rent-free.
i am not any of the tinfoiler anons and have nothing to do with that argument, you sound genuinely kinda deranged

No. 274547

>>274458
Ayrt, you do have a point but cmon, this pic is fucking gold. It's better than the original meme.

No. 274548

Sorry 4 samefag but wew lasses, this got ugly itt

No. 274558

Lmao imagine caping this hard for men who would never do the same for you, yalls ugly ass ldr discord dom r9k bfs are talking shit about you this very moment

No. 274573

>>274558
anons read bitter shit like this and then claim the "crabs in a bucket" posts come from moids? ironic

No. 274585

The only thing I want to tell bf to do better on is saying goodnight. We have no problems communicating any other time of day, affectionately, he just usually falls asleep phone in hand and does not tell me goodnight. I'm not sure how to phrase this request without sounding needy, which I really am not, but in all my past relationships I was accustomed to goodnights. Equally, I wouldn't have him change how he does things. Just tell me he's going to sleep when he is. I feel silly when I already get so much love. Is it too much?

No. 274586

>>274585
no. just tell him you want him to say goodnight ffs how are people this autistic…

No. 274592

>>274573
"ugly ass ldr discord dom r9k bfs" is a scarily apt description of way too many anons' boyfriends. i really hope you aren't trying to say that anyone is bitter and jealous that some nonnas are dating guys from 4chan dating threads lmao

No. 274605

>>274592
Seconding this. I understand loneliness and particularly feeling like you’ll never relate to people who aren’t in image board circles but e-dating is such a joke, especially with hardcore channer types. I can’t individually judge every nonny who’s in a relationship like this but to the ones who need to hear it- please love yourselves. There’s better out there.

No. 274610

>>274605
>>274592
Agreed. E-dating is already bad enough. E-dating guys from 4chan or Discord servers? Just shows that too many women unnecessarily dismiss the idea of being on their own. I don't think it's bitter to point out that this type of relationship pops up in this general very often and not getting into it in the first place would solve most of the issues being asked about.

No. 274631

>>274585
I made a thread for online relationship advice here >>>/g/271193

Let's keep this thread for people who are in real relationships.

No. 274632

>>274610
Whew, glad you found a new cope for your jealousy. Yeah all the people in relationships here are just having them online so you are genuinely justified in saying they are all stupid. Despite the fact that most of the relationship problems ITT are very much between people who actually live together. I genuinely don't understand why people like you even torture yourself by reading this thread. Does it make you feel better about being single? I mean, obviously it doesn't.

No. 274633

>>274632
Please stop, it was over and you had to go back and seethe about single people again, calm down.

No. 274637

>>274633
clearly single ladies itt have the mindset of "coaches don't play the game lul" so they feel the need to solicit single person narratives to those in relationships… people in online discord kitty relationships should go to the designated thread but most askers itt are in actual relationships, so what's the point of coping and venting your single person complex by acting like everyone itt is in a 4chan discord relationship….

No. 274638

>>274633
You shouldn't even be in this thread giving relationship advice if you're not in a happy relationship yourself. This thread is so toxic because it's used by femcels as a place to "feel better" about not having a relationship. That's why every single relationship is torn apart, every boyfriend is the worst person ever and all anons should break up. Because that way they feel some sort of sick satisfaction of "well at least I'm not them" or even worse, they get satisfaction out of making others break up over minor issues.

Just look at all the posts from last week about "Oh I am so happy to be single, it's just the best life, I've been alone for 10 years and I never want to date", like… okay? Why are you in this thread then? Because you DO feel insecure about being single, you DON'T feel confident and you need reassurance that you're actually better off by putting every other relationship in a bad light. And if you think people can't see through what you are doing and how angry and upset you are that other people are happy (with men, eeewwww) then you're fucking stupid.(infighting)

No. 274639

>>274638
>femcels
fuck off scrote

No. 274641

Let's go back to relationship advice. This discussion is endless & dumb.

No. 274642

>>274403
hi nonna, i think basically just everything you would do with a close/best friend, on top of the more intimate/personal things. my partner and i enjoying hanging with our friends, eating out, going to galleries/movies, or just chatting at a cafe. but at home we also shower and cook together, chill watching videos together. it's great but the most important atom of a relationship is friendship i think

No. 274645

I hate my boyfriend’s friend. I was venting to my sister saying that this guy has off vibes and I hate who my boyfriend turns into when he talks to him. He isn’t himself like he is with me or even his other friends that he always talks to. My sister tells me that she knows the guy and he tried to pressure her friend into having sex and said awful shit about her for years bc she rejected him. It honestly makes me feel so sick that my boyfriend would be friends with someone like that. He wants to hang out with him on Wednesday. I wish my boyfriend wouldn’t hang out with him or talk to him anymore. This guy is such a loser. It honestly makes me feel not attracted to my boyfriend anymore.

No. 274647

Question.
Imagine your dreamguy was your boyfriend, but he has politically extremist views that impact the relationship.
My boyfriend is libertarian, more right-wing lately. He said he won‘t marry me officially through the state, because he wants to protest against the government and doesn‘t like their monopoly of power over it. This would put us at a financial disadvantage though and we‘d also lack lots of other benefits.
His dream is also to eventually live in a more rural/suburbanian area (we‘re German, so don‘t think of american suburbs). He‘s not a full on prepper, but he‘s definitely obsessed with self-sufficeny and living off the grid as much as realistically possible.

inb4 leaf him

No. 274653

>>274647
>libertarian
>inb4
Yeah. What do you think a man who wants to cut himself off from the law wants to do with women? What kind of rights do you think you're gonna have in a setting where he's isolated you from society? His ideal scenario for society is one where everyone fends for themselves and those situations always work out a very specific way for women. And you may say he's not full on right wing yet, but that's a matter of time. The dude's on a trajectory and the internet is very effective at getting people from "a bit nutty" to full on psycho.

No. 274657

>>274647
>wanting to actually marry a right libertarian
ishygddt, you're in for a horrible time if you do

No. 274659

>>274639
Femcels is the perfect word for your kind and if you stopped acting like Incels maybe I'd stop using it.(USER HAS BEEN PUT OUT TO PASTURE)

No. 274661

>>274647
so what's the question, what we'd do?

No. 274662

>>274647
Libertarians are not right wing, they are left-wing. If he was a right-winger he wouldn't be against marriage.

No. 274663

>>274647
I'd unironically demand him to work more to make up for the money lost by not marrying.

No. 274664

>>274659
It's been 3 hours and normal discussion has continued, let it go you autist.

No. 274666

>>274647
In theory libertarianism is based, the state is evil and all politicians are corrupt. Living in a rural area is based as well. But in practice, almost every libertarian I ever met was only a libertarian because they want to smook weed all day and lower the age of consent. Most of them are lolicons (pedophiles). Any man who doesn't want to get married is a red flag to me. It means he's afraid of commitment.

No. 274668

>>274647
He is going to get more right-wing as he gets older, that's just a fact with this kind of dudes, and if you have children he'll probably want them to be homeschooled, be wary (and dump him before he goes full extremist).

No. 274669

>>274662
libertarianism has a left wing and right wing faction.

No. 274670

>>274668
You can't just homeschool in Germany. With his ideals Germany is the entirely wrong country for him to begin with tbh.

No. 274672

>>274647
I mean it's up to your individual values, isn't it? I think if you're dating anyone who is a political extremist (whether that's right wing or left wing) the only way you could tolerate it is if you also believed in those things or you are so apolitical that you don't care. Otherwise, if you have your own political values that you care about then I think it will be really hard. If he's an extremist and you're more moderate, then I think it's likely that he isn't going to compromise his views for yours. Plus, even if he does compromise his views for you then it's possible that there might be some resentment or turmoil down the line. But that also goes to you. If you're half-hearted about his beliefs, then I think you'll also become tired of it and resentful down the line for always having to accommodate him for something you aren't incredibly passionate about. I'm not saying you should break up with him, but I do think that unless you really don't care about politics at all or you're also an extremist of the same affiliation then dating anyone who is a political extremist will be quite difficult.

No. 274673

>>274666
>Any man who doesn't want to get married is a red flag to me. It means he's afraid of commitment.
But when it's the opposite anons say he wants to trap/own the woman "because marriage was designed by men to own a woman over other men".

I don't think it's black and white like that and to me not wanting to marry because of political views doesn't indicate he's afraid of commitment (I'm not affirming or denying I agree with those political views)

No. 274674

>>274673
Nta, I agree but the reason why he doesn't want to get married is a red flag by itself (to protest to government or whatever).

No. 274675

>>274673
I don't think marriage is a way for men to "trap women". Only the manhating harpies on here who have never had a relationship say shit like that.

Getting married is a normal part of life and it's important for a lot of things, like medical emergencies where you have to make decisions for your partner. If you're not married to your spouse the doctors aren't even allowed to tell you what's wrong with them if they are ever in an accident. It's also a commitment to spend the rest of your life together that can't just easily be broken off, men especially should be forced to make this commitment.

No. 274677

>>274647
How do you feel about the living off the grid plan? If that's his end goal does that match up with what you want?

Him not wanting to marry you and giving that reason.. to me it demonstrates that he's strong enough in his beliefs that relationship or not he'll likley be sticking to his own plan above all else. He might not be someone who'll compromise down the line. That'd my concern. I'd have serious talks now to try and guage what issues that could bring down the line.

No. 274678

>>274673
>I'm not affirming or denying I agree with those political views
Why is that guarded information?

No. 274686

File: 1657559753149.png (27.77 KB, 777x203, wXW1KNw.png)

Do you think men like this are super rare? I mean, I feel like at best they'll listen to your emotions but won't specifically want to empathize just because. And in my personal experience they were more often than not dismissive of how I was feeling and just tried to not have to deal with communication, even though I'm not a super emotional person and in most of the cases the issue I wanted to talk about was just the lack of communication anyway. I don't know what the guy who wrote picrel is like irl, and it's an old post but it seemed like such a nice thing to me

No. 274690

>>274638
Girl yall are literally crying over mediocre men and then yall are crying even more when anons say they are mediocre. Why would I be jealous of some random anonymous loser with a boyfriend who neglects her, treats her like shit and will never change no matter how many times she whines in this thread?

You are delusional if you think we are jealous of that. I've actually dated sweet men who spend time and money on me, currently being spoiled rotten by a moid both in affection and monetarily, I just want the same for my fellow anons. If anything, you are the bitter and jealous one for wanting to keep other anons down and trapped in horrific relationships.

No. 274694

>>274686
hopefully they're rare, i'd much rather someone awkwardly empathized with me instead of this robotic try hard shit

No. 274696

>>274686
>I feel like at best they'll listen to your emotions but won't specifically want to empathize just because
Basically, yeah that is also how I feel about this.

The thing that jumps out to me about people who like to go on about validating is that sometimes they're just focused on having you explain shit to them and it can be exhausting. Or they want you to jump through whatever self help framing hoops they learned to communicate through, instead of actually empathizing or hearing what you're saying. Empathy is difficult, especially if your partner has a totally different life experience due to different sex/race/finances/etc. Validating is nice but at some point there need to be real changes made in behavior and approach so you don't have to keep feeling shit and explaining it at great length. Where a deep conversation turns into a waste of time is when at the end of it there isn't a discussion on what can be done to improve things, and then actually doing those things.

Communication is good but there can be too much of it sometimes. All talk, no action.

Do the bickering anons have to debate this fucking hard for days? Just move on, it doesn't matter if people are "femcels" or smegmaidens or whatever. This thread is for input and being overly-critical of who's giving input or who's taking it doesn't matter whatsoever. You don't need to take the advice, you don't need to agree on the commentary. Trying to psychoanalyze the exact background of the anon posting her opinion is a colossal waste of time. Jfc.

No. 274699

>>274690
lmao, ok Shaniqua. I'm sure your Nigel (or Tyrone) is just treating so good that you have to shit on other women all day long.(USER HAS BEEN PUT OUT TO PASTURE)

No. 274705

>>274694
That guy's entire way of speaking is naturally very monotone, and it's not exactly try hard to post that on some obscure site for the handful of people who followed him at the time, which resulted in a grand total of 5 people interacting with the post. Like I get that you don't find his style of writing likeable, but it's still an attempt to engage with people in a positive way. Also different styles of communication suit different people, doesn't mean it's the worst thing ever just because you don't want that type of interaction

No. 274710

>>274699
fuck off from this thread finally retard

No. 274718

Oh my god everybody shut up, both the femcels and the tradthots.

No. 274720

>>274631
I'm not in a LDR, so it doesn't affect me - but, I mean, you won't convince anyone to post in your thread if you keep calling their relationships "fake". Pretty obvious.

No. 274724

>>274686
I've mainly known men who are on the cold or avoidant side. They would help you with a practical problem like money or fixing something in your house but offering emotional support or discussing your communication issues.. minimal fucks given to that side of things. They don't see the worth in it. Where I live that's almost just the default of how men are expected to be. I was used to that but was growing sick of it. Then I met someone years ago who presented like pic. The red flag I missed was how soon he was.. just dying to hear all muh traumas. You can guess the rest. He later used it against me, threw that info back at me in fights etc. That was a whole rough lesson in judgement.

That's the one thing I'd warn about. A lil too much of anything can feel off and it's for good reason. Men who loudly decalre their sensitivity might be trying too hard. I do still think there's decently alright guys out there in that regard but I don't think they're the same ones loudly declaring it right off the bat, sometimes its purely to hook you in. A signal that attracts the most vulnerable women.

No. 274731

>>274724
Yeah I've experienced that too, though not to the same extent as you, but it sucks. Things have improved in my own relationship but in the past I was hurt a lot by my boyfriend's apathy towards most of my problems, and sometimes it's still hurtful. But at the same time, his emotions rarely fluctuate or get intense either way, which is a very good thing for me personally because I find mood swings disconcerting. But just seeing that kind of (at least to me) warm and empathetic attitude made me wonder if I'd be happier if someone was like that with me, but idk. Surprisingly my dad is very interested in understanding emotions, understanding how early memories affect you and will talk about things like this for hours which I always liked, was later very surprised that most men are not like this.

No. 274772

My boyfriend has a girl best friend. This girl has insulted me to my face, behind my back and to anyone who will listen. Shes called me a pickme who hates other girls, she's told him I've always been mean to her because I hate other girls yet failed to mention how I used to message her to check up on her when she was down, and always replied to her Snapchat selfies telling her she looked great… That was until I found out all the shit she was saying about me. He has told her my private problems I didn't want sharing. When I ask him why he'd be friends with her after that he tells me I just don't understand her humor, she actually has a really difficult life and is kind, I don't understand the context ect - and my personal fav… She doesn't respect me but that's okay because she doesn't respect ANY woman!
After finding out recently that she laughed and wouldn't support him after finding out we had a difficult spot in our relationship, I just snapped and decided that was it. It needed to be addressed. Now I think we're breaking up.
He will always defend her, he says he SEES my side but I just don't get the situation and has never ever said "yeah what she did was fucked up."

No, I don't think she has a thing for him and I don't think he has a thing for her. Genuinely. She has her own boyfriend (and always sends my bf random messages describing their sex life in extensive detail), and they've had plenty of opportunity for their own relationship to blossom before I was in the picture but it never did. I know he isn't into her.. i think. He just says she's "one of the guys" and he doesn't think of her as a girl.
There's no way to move on from this, is there? It's either me or her, and honestly since he's said he doesn't see the issue with her disrespecting me since she "only does it rarely", even if he did choose me i don't think I'd want him.
It sucks because i love him but.. i don't deserve this

No. 274783

>>274720
The only successful ones I've seen were the ones who themselves have acknowledged it's not the same as a real relationship and basically treated as an early dating stage/saw other people while apart. the ones who were acting like they were married while only texting and voice calling quickly turned out to be disasters and the people were more interested in the idea of being in a relationship than the work it takes to actually be in one.

No. 274788

>>274772
>No, I don't think she has a thing for him
Probably true
>and I don't think he has a thing for her. Genuinely.
Cope. Men can not be friends with women, the only reason they ever interact or hang out with women because one day there might be the possibility of sex. 100% your boyfriend has at least considered sex with her, has wanted sex with her or has tried to have sex with her (but was friendzoned).

No. 274790

>>274788
i will keep saying this until you do: fuck off tradthot mike pence-chan

No. 274793


No. 274797

>>274772
This is insane, how could anyone be okay being friends with someone who constantly insults a person they allegedly love? And on top of that he has no problem sharing your private issues with her? You're 100% right, this HAS to be adressed, you were way too forgiving and patient for way too long. I hope he understands and if not, that you'll be able to walk away; and that either way this will be resolved. Really shitty situation to be in.
(also, i'd be careful about being sure there's nothing between them, ofc it's projecting on my side because it's just something that happened to me but my ex had a close female friend who was in relationship and "one of the boys", it never seemed like they have any interest in each other but turns out they've been having sex ever since they became friends, effectively cheating on every person they happened to be with along the way)

No. 274804

>>272415
>>274783
True, I suppose! I just feel like my point still stands though - most people don't like it when others minimize their experience, so if I was in a LDR I'd think anon is being rude.

No. 274805

>>274772
>He has told her my private problems I didn't want sharing
This breach of trust says alot. How sensitive is the info he told her? In what world does he think that's ok to do?

No. 274808

>>274804
Discord relationships are not real relationships, get over it.

No. 274810

>>274808
someone being rude on an imageboard? how preposterous, firmly clutching my pearls rn

No. 274811

>>274808
Never been in a Discord relationship, so don't hate the messenger.

>>274810
I was deadass just saying that's why people are not using the thread.

No. 274813

>>274811
Well they should use the thread and be honest with themselves. I'm tired of reading about discord boyfriend problems in here.

No. 274815

>>274813
They're all the same to me tbh, I'm just here for the drama

No. 274820

File: 1657627682728.jpeg (21.67 KB, 320x320, 7AE514D9-AFE3-419D-8820-B797C1…)

>>274811
>deadass

No. 274826

File: 1657637205010.jpg (75.02 KB, 934x913, 1645155188720.jpg)

Since /ot/ told me to come here, here I am.

Plain and simple: how the fuck do I hit on a professor at College?

There is no impediment, he's single, we are somewhat close in age and he's not in any of my classes.
I can access him through social media.
What should I say? Pls someone give me a hint.

No. 274834

>>274826
Make sure he isn't your active professor, otherwise he will get in fuckloads of trouble and it will be quite the damper.

No. 274853

>>274797
He has defended me to her and they've argued over the fact he defends me and won't let her shit talk me… But sometimes he just doesn't bother. He says that since he doesn't believe it, he doesn't see the point in defending me because it's bullshit anyway. That doesn't fly with me.
>>274805
Pretty sensitive, he actually told me her issues as well (I never asked and told him to shut up about it because I had no interest in her and it grossed me out) and she nearly unfriended him over it. Since then, he's said he's stopped but I saw him texting her about something that really humiliated me and it's just made me think what else she must know.

We haven't spoken about it since, he's been sick all day (physically and obviously very ill, not an act) so I pushed it to the side and am just helping him but I did say I stand by everything I said last night. He just said he doesn't know what to do. I don't even know what I want at the end of this tbh.

No. 274879

>>274834
He's from another department, so it's all safe. The only risk would be he gossiping to the professors of my own dpt

No. 274908

>>274853
If he doesn't know what to do, it's already over. Just sever the ties. This hesitation is disgusting.

No. 275059

File: 1657736066384.jpg (103.61 KB, 800x510, 23-16-9504-1.jpg)

So I broke up with my ex almost two years ago, we're still friends and in good terms with eachother. I don't like spending time with him alot though because I'm trying to keep my feelings at bay, so I'll disappear for weeks/months at a time. When I'm back and ready to talk I'll ask him to "catch me up" and he has this running "joke" now about how so much has changed, and he'll make up ridiculous stuff about his family members or friends and then throw in there how he's married. Obviously he's not, he's just being sarcastic about the length of time we've gone without seeing eachother. My question is, what is he trying to accomplish when he does this? Idk how to feel when he says stuff like that, at first I didn't think much of it, but it's every time?…

No. 275063

>>275059
He wants to see you and he’s retarded about communication.

No. 275066

>>275059
Sounds like he's hurt by/dislikes your lack of communication and instead of dealing with it by being honest about it, he's sarcastic because that's easier. Sarcasm is often a defense mechanism.

No. 275081

>>275066
I always give him a heads up
>>275067
unhealthy how?

No. 275082

>>275081
Because you are torturing yourself to stay "friends" with a guy you still have feelings for. Why? And what are you going to do if one day you come back from your "break" and he actually has a wife?

No. 275089

>>275082
nothing unless crying counts as something

No. 275090

How do I break it off with a cheating boyfriend? My parents love him. Especially my mom. My mom never believes in me, she thinks my boyfriend is such a sweetheart who does everything for me and treats him like her own son. At this point I believe she loves him more than me. She always nags I should treat him better for no reason. I am deadly afraid of eventually admitting that I have broken up with him, because she will never ever believe he was the one who cheated. It will probably destroy the last shreds of diplomacy I have with my mother.
It makes me feel sick to my stomach to open up about my private life to anyone. I really loved him and wasn't perfect either but he destroyed all my trust just to check out girls on a fucking Tinder.
When I found out Tinder on his phone, he literally went crazy, screamed, cried, hit himself, hit me (accidentally) I had to calm him down for three hours because I was afraid neighbours will hear and call police.
I know I can't have a future with a person like this, I'm not afraid of him, I don't give really a crap if he goes and gets it on with STD ridden creatures, but I don't know what to do with my mom. I feel like crying every day.

No. 275091

>>275081
>I always give him a heads up
doesn't mean he likes it.

I agree with another anon though your dynamic with him doesn't sound healthy. Like
>don't like spending time with him alot though because I'm trying to keep my feelings at bay, so I'll disappear for weeks/months at a time.
This is not healthy or normal. For your own well being you might honestly want to consider cutting contact for good, closing that chapter of your life. It would open up space and focus in your life for new things.

No. 275092

>>275090
If you're sure your mother won't believe you, consider just not giving her your reason. You're afraid she won't believe you, which puts the importance on what your boyfriend did and whether or not that's bad enough for you to break up with him in her eyes, when she should be respecting your decision to break up with him regardless of your reason and regardless of what he did. If you don't try to justify your reason for breaking up with him to her, she won't have power over you if she doesn't believe you he cheated, because then it won't matter he did xyz thing, because all that matters is that you made a decision and she'll have to respect it. Really emphasize that it's your decision, you don't need to justify it to her and she has to respect it.

Sorry you're going through a tough time, I hope you'll feel better soon.

No. 275095

>>275092
I wanted to thank you very much for your thoughtful and kind reply. I think that is a very smart and strategic way to deal with this, I think I will try it after gathering some courage.

No. 275097

And after you do it your feelings get resized to their true dimensions, enough to be buried for good. Breakups fuck your mind up in very weird ways, don't trust yourself too much in that regard

No. 275203

>>275090
I had an ex who was emotionally and physically abusive and who cheated by the end too. My dad had met this guy one time and yet he'd been given my dads default favouritism towards males. I told my dad post break-up that he'd flipped out and beat me twice during the relationship. My dad didn't have anything to say in response, nothing, and months later my dad was back to
> God I miss 'nigel' He was a nice guy. I think he was really good for you!
I'm not close to my dad to begin with so that was the final straw that broke me.

If you want to continue to have a relationship with your parents I think the only way to do it without emotionally taking a beating is to be blunt and lay it out that either you are their main concern now or that's not how parents should act. If you can't be that frank (I couldn't) then pulling back from your parents is your next best option. Having to randomly hear them voice how they miss him is the risk you run if you don't tell them what happened. That's a wound that'll stay open as long as they keep bringing him up in their ignorance of what went down. It's a pretty common thing that people don't know what happens behind closed doors in other peoples relationships. Only you know the reality. They can't tell you what you went through in private with him.

No. 275208

My boyfriend are doing good now, but back when my anxiety and depression was really bad and I would open up about trauma in the past, he would get kind of overwhelmed (understandable and we talked about it now) and we talked about that time again, and he said my trauma was “hard to believe”. It makes me feel weird, the way we were talking, it seemed like he didn’t believe me at all back at that time. Dunno what to do about these feelings

No. 275220

>>275089
Seriously, just break it off for good. When I first met my husband he had an ex like that that would disappear and re-appear in his life whenever she wanted, it was very obvious that she thought she could keep him on the back-burner until one day she felt like "settling down" or whatever. Once we got together and he had a normal relationship with someone who is not BPD for the first time in his life he realized how toxic that shit was and cut her off forever. We never heard from here again and honestly don't even know if she is still alive.

Do yourself and him favor and MOVE ON.

No. 275221

>>275208
There's no more advice than to talk to him. Tell him that when he said that, you started to worry he doesn't believe you and it makes you feel bad, it's not unlikely that he meant that it's unbelieveable how much you went through in a sense of how severe it was, not that he doesn't believe it. But you really need to hear it from him, not bottle up after some anonymous reassurance

No. 275230

>>275220
I’m sorry to hear your boyfriend had to go through that but I don’t think that’s my situation at all. He initiated the break up not me. And we’re not dating we’re just friends. Mostly I want to stay friends because that’s what we were before we started dating and it just feels wrong to stop being friends now. He also contributes a lot of positive things to my life. He’s not in any back burner or whatever either, it’s not like I’m dating anyone.

No. 275232

>>275230
it sounds like you have leftover feelings for him. you can always find new friends, why is HE in particular so important that you'd stay friends with an ex…

No. 275233

>>275230
You said you would cry if he has another girlfriend, so your friendship is one-sided at best since you seem to be still in love with him.

No. 275238

>>275230
Maybe just take a longer break from contacting him to make sure any leftover feelings are gone? And promise to yourself you'll not continue with the friendship if you're not sure there's nothing romantic left? I can relate to not wanting to lose a friend but doesnt sound like it's good for you at the moment

No. 275249

>>274805
Next day update, i found out that he told her about me being raped. Something i only ever told him and my mum. And she laughed about it and called me a dumbass.

No. 275252

>>275249
The more you know.
You know that’s like, not normal?

No. 275255

>>275249
Holy shit nonna dump him already, he has zero regard for you.

No. 275264

I'm in a FWB relationship with this dude who's a very wealthy CEO. Like, he made a Forbes 30 under 30 list and bought a multi-million dollar luxury skyscraper condo in one of the most expensive major cities in the country level wealthy. So you can only imagine that I wish to schmooze him into treating me with a bit of that cash, if I have any chance making that happen at this point. I don't even think I want to actually date him or anything… more like, just meme him into buying me clothes and shit? Maybe more than that if he seemed willing, I've actually never brought up that kind of thing to him because I have no idea how to ask without blatantly sounding like a gold digging bitch. This all makes me sound very retarded as I type it out, especially given the fact that I've already had sex with him, but I'm just a wishful thinker, okay?
So I'm 19 and he's like 26-27, and this age gap combined with the fact that he's kind of a socially awk redditor autist and that we come from very different backgrounds (i.e. he has wealthy parents and I'm a broke college student who grew up lower-middle class) means that we kind of lack the necessary common ground to get much good conversation flowing between the two of us. But we get along nicely enough, and I've probably deluded myself into thinking he finds me endearing beyond a sexual context given the fact that he kept hitting me up (even during/after a time when I ghost him for like a year because I was fed up with him constantly flaking on me bc he was busy with work lol) when he surely has enough money to attract a BBL Instagram model who's much hotter than me. I don't know… I joked one that I could be the "Grimes to his Elon" and he said "We'll see how bad of an influence you can be on me", and I know he was just playing along… but does anyone here know how I could hypothetically be that bad influence?

No. 275265

>>275264
fake and gay

No. 275266

>>275265
i wish i was joking. i was able to meet someone like this in the first place via a dating app during like 2020-era pandemic? at that point he wasn't quite as successful as he is now.

No. 275269

>>275266
he’s lying to you he ain’t got cash. rich people aren’t on dating apps they hang out in rich people places. what do you think? he’s scared of the insta hoes and just wants a nice good manic pixie girl? be real. your situation is fake, you think an autistic millionare wouldn’t want to spend money on a girl he wants to impress? he should be the one offering you money, not you shitting your pants out of fear of being a gold digger.

No. 275270

>>275269
see the thing is i know he's actually rich, but i'm just gonna assume that he's like any other moid with a madonna-whore complex I fumbled the bag by letting him hit too early on. Though I imagine that might be too hard to unfuck up yeah?

No. 275278

>>275232
yeah, that's no fucking friendship, that's just self-harm. and utterly useless and pointless self-harm at that.

No. 275280

>>275269
There's tons of rich dudes on Tinder looking for golddigging whores to fill a yacht (and their bed) with for a weekend if you live in an area with rich men. I have been on a date with a wealthy men from Tinder before who picked me up in a Ferrari and took me to a nice restaurant and then showed me around his business to try and impress me, but I would not recommend doing this, they are shitty people and they just want sex. It's not worth it.

No. 275307

>>275233
I don't feel like it's been too long since our breakup so that would be an understandable reaction if he got a girlfriend say tomorrow, me thinks.
>>275238
Yeah that is what my goal always is, but then I end up missing him too much.
>And promise to yourself you'll not continue with the friendship if you're not sure there's nothing romantic left?
>>275232
>>275278
I disagree but isn't that all self harm? also he's not as rich as the anon with the forbes 30 under 30's fuckbuddy but he lives pretty comfortably and helps me out alot with my school expenses, unprompted. He helps me with my mom too, is really funny, gets me out of my shell and into fun places, has helped me hold down a really good job, is very smart, gives great advice, I don't think I've ever gotten along with anyone as well as I do with him in general too, his place is really comfy and I like going there alot, he reminds me of my dad, idk hes very fatherly imo. He has nice hands which is cool, and he also has a big dick so I guess even if I'm not fucking him I wanna be around him lol
in all seriousness though I only wanted to know what he meant by saying that. That was all thank you nonnas

No. 275310

>>275307
jfc…

No. 275313

>>275307
also, this doesn't match your original post all. asshole troll playing contrarian to influence other women into doing the worst shit possible after a breakup.

No. 275316

>>275307
scrote hands typed this post. don't ask me how i know.

No. 275337


No. 275370

>>275264
Tinder swindler? lol

No. 275400

File: 1657896621541.jpg (252.38 KB, 1242x1208, tumblr_1015c9df3cfdcd6ec15c3af…)

Why does my (ex)boyfriend keep going back and forth over being with me?

He broke up with me and said he was moving out next month. It broke my heart but I was trying to move on until he started hugging and kissing me and acting like he changed his mind. He didn't want to talk about it but I got pissed and basically forced him to. He said he doesn't think it's gonna work for various reasons but it's hard because he loves me and wants to be with me. Some of the reasons were that I'm older than him, don't want to have bio kids (I want to adopt instead), that I'm taller when I wear some shoes and it makes him feel bad??? and a bunch of other dumb shit like my humor annoys him sometimes. He said he only started being affectionate again because he was trying to make me happy and he felt like he had to, which is bullshit. He initiated, not me.

My heart broke all over again worse this time but I tried to move on even more by saying he needs to start staying in the living room of our apartment until he moves out and that he needs to start doing his own laundry, buying his own food, etc. So now he's back to being affectionate again and I had to tell him to stop because he can't keep going back and forth. Either break up with me or start working on your issues with me. Why does he keep doing this?

No. 275401

>>275400
he legit sounds retarded. he's just fucking with you emotionally and wants some kind benefit without committing to you. he doesn't deserve you btw. i wouldn't engage with him if i were you. try to ice him out as much as possible because he will continue to fuck with your head with no remorse. and obviously he's too immature and ridiculous to be with you. if those are his actual reasons, he's a moron, though they could just be convenient excuses because he was interested in someone else etc

No. 275402

>>275400
>Some of the reasons were that I'm older than him, don't want to have bio kids (I want to adopt instead), that I'm taller when I wear some shoes and it makes him feel bad
your boyfriend sounds ugly. next time he tries anything say you're dumping HIM and he's an ugly manlet. good riddance, spilled milk.

No. 275409

>>275400

He obvs doesn't want to move out and do his share of the chores/spend money on his own food. My boyfriend and I have been there with the going back and forth thing but now that we've moved in together, we try to split the bills and chores. Kick him out.

No. 275411

Is it abusive for your boyfriend to take your “driving privilege” away? Even if it’s for my own good?

No. 275413

>>275411
Do you drunk drive or have accidents that risk your health? Why did he take it away?

No. 275414


No. 275424

>>275411
how is it for your own good? you're not giving enough context

No. 275440

>>275411
More context needed anon but without the context I'd say absolutepy yes. Abusive and dangerous because forbidding you from driving makes you more dependable on him, limits your independency and limits your ability to see your family and friends. Besides obviously not having the fucking right to take your driver's license.

Your bf needs a really pressing reason to justify this.

No. 275455

>>275443
Why are you having unprotected sex if you don't want a baby, retard?

No. 275456

>>275443
>I'm not on birth control
you must be retarded
>he tried to babytrap me
you're the one with the ability to be on birth control. not to mention the ability to abort the baby. like wtf, is he going to impregnate you and then lock you up

No. 275457

What does it mean when you’re consistently attracted to people you shouldn’t be? I.e, people already in a relationship, people outside your own relationship, people in the same department as you at work, etc.

No. 275461

>>275443
When a man is being careless because all he cares about is making his dick feel good and he's not the one at risk of getting pregnant, doesn't mean he's babytrapping you.

Also use protection, you can get pregnant from pre-cum or pulling out (or in the worst scenario, your partner cumming in you against your will anyway, you wouldn't be the first who trusted a man not to cum in her but he did it anyway)

No. 275463

>>275456
>not to mention the ability to abort the baby
not anymore!

No. 275502

>>275463
(We don't all live in the US of A)

No. 275519

>>275443
no one in a casual relationship tries to trap you, they don’t like you that much lol .why would you allow unprotected sex? he isn’t the idiot here

No. 275544

>>275519
Men do try to trap women when the woman won't settle them with them willingly. Anon could be the one who doesn't want it to be serious as it looks like he has no issue spending money on her which is something most men don't do unless they're expecting something more than just sex in return.
Anon should be careful and use protection against pregnancy and STDs.

No. 275555

>>275544
Seriously, those anons are projecting hard, there are some catty anons itt making the most off assumptions

No. 275565

I cheated on my boyfriend of one year. I sent a underwear picture and that's as far as I went to some guy online. Confessed it to my boyfriend after I did it (instant regret) and we worked it out. Obviously I cut contact with this online dude, but ocasionally I feel immense guilt. My guilt stems from the fact that I wasn't loyal and rather retarded without getting anything from it. So my question is, how do I work the guilt away? I understand what I did was wrong, my boyfriend forgave me and moved past it, but I have not.

No. 275568

>>275565
why did you do it? once a cheater always a cheater btw, that applies for women too.

No. 275573

>>275568
I did it for attention. At the time I felt neglected by my boyfriend like he would not acknowledge me anymore. Dead bedroom and he stopped saying I love you's. Wouldn't touch me anymore even if I made the first move. During that time he was feeling resentful towards me like he told me that he misses being single and alone. We took a "break" from the relationship and that's when I clowned around.

No. 275574

>>275573
nvm disregard my post its not cheating if you were on a break. but if your relationship is going through problems big enough to warrant taking a break you need to reevaluate your situation.

No. 275580

>>275568
retarded take. women cheat for different reasons and there are plenty of valid reasons for primarily women to cheat

No. 275586

>>275573
If your dead-bedroom magically resolved after this you've got a cuck in your hands

No. 275596

>>275573
firstly, if you were on a break then it doesnt count. secondly men who don't know how to treat women right deserve nothing so dont beat yourself up excessively over it

No. 275601

>>275568
>once a cheater always a cheater btw
I see summer break brought some teenagers here

No. 275613

>>275565
Honestly? Time will probably put you past your guilt sooner or later.

No. 275617

>>275580
>>275601
lol be quiet subhumans

No. 275620

>>275565
>>275573
Thats not cheating lmao

No. 275660

>>275654
let me rephrase the question: why are you having unprotected sex, even if he refuses to buy condoms, retard? did his semen accidentally get into your brain? is having sex with him that important to you that you're letting him raw dog you and then coming on here as a cope whining about how he's trying to baby trap you? get a grip and stop fucking him if he refuses to engage with birth control and you don't want to be his baby mama. fucking retard.

No. 275678

>>275654
are you black?

No. 275690

>>275654
awesome awesome bait bro keep it up

No. 275809

Hi, i’ve been dating this guy for a while now, i had been pretty into him for about a year before that though. He’s one of those guys that seems very innocent. You sorta pity him to an extent since he just seems too kind for this world. Anyways, when we started dating he promised many big things, we are long distance (yeah i’m dumb) so he promised he would use his money to come see me. He promised a lot. Well, so far i’ve gotten nothing from him. Because i’m studying at uni i don’t have the most free time, but every break i’ve had has come and go with him not having any money to come visit because he spent it on video games and food. Our plan has always been paying 50/50 for the tickets. Of course i always have the money for this, i’m not irresponsible and it is only 150 at most each. He lives with his parents so don’t think he needs his money to support himself, he lives a very easy life, he doesn’t work or study. He finds this way to guilt me. Constantly. At the start of the relationship he had a very inappropriate friendship with this girl, matching profile pictures, he even had her account in his bio. He also does not allow me to comment on his posts as he wants privacy. I got mad about this and even messaged the girl, not angrily i just wanted to know what was going on. He made her block me, then made me apologise to her and him. I felt defeated and like i was in the wrong. He recently told me he’s not sure if he would be attracted to me without make up if he didn’t love me. that hurt. then in the same conversation he said even if he didn’t know me he would like my boobs. that hurt even more. i got pretty sad and started crying, this was all over text so i started calling him because i felt very hurt and alone. He refused to answer because he thought it would be too awkward. when i did convince him to answer he stayed on mute as i cried and i basically felt like an animal at the zoo. I just don’t get it, i am very nice to him, i’ve bought him gifts, sent him and his family food and he has not spent a cent on me. I want to leave but i feel this guilt. Has anyone else felt this guilt? what is it? he treats me like shit but i feel always in the wrong because he tells me he’s scared of me when i get mad at him for his actions. He also said other things that made me honestly scared of him, like him and his friends yelling at a group of teen girls and he also said he would find it fun to kill animals with a machete. He’s pretty homophobic too, but he has an obsession with muscular males and posts thirst trap videos of them, my goofy self gets genuinely jealous of his adoration over these men because i’m convinced he’s genuinely into them and his homophobia is just a cover up. How do i leave him and how do i not feel this guilt?

No. 275813

>>275809
Do you really feel guilty or are you just telling yourself you do, so you can cling to your hopes of staying together and avoid dumping him? Just block and delete him, don't give it a second thought or bother to be polite about it. This isn't a real relationship, he's a loser NEET and he clearly doesn't give a single fuck about you. As always: if he wanted to, he would.

Sorry, I know I'm being harsh but I've been in your position. I kept telling myself I couldn't dump him because he would suicide bait and not 'let' me dump him, but deep down I liked feeling obligated to stay because I wanted to stay, regardless of how badly he treated me and how little he cared.

No. 275815

>>275809
If it helps you get over your guilt, this guy honestly sounds like such a piece of shit that he deserves the most painful breakup in the world. Let it rip, tell him he's a fucking ugly NEET loser and don't waste any more of your time on him.

No. 275816

>>275809
Maybe you're misidentifying your feelings and instead of guilt you feel bad over losing a lot of time and money to a guy who clearly doesn't care about you? Not sure, just a thought. You deserve much better anon.

No. 275817

>>275809
>How do i leave him
EZ, log out of discord and don't log back in. Also consider posting in this thread >>>/g/271193 in the future.

No. 275825

>>275809
>I just don’t get it, i am very nice to him, i’ve bought him gifts, sent him and his family food and he has not spent a cent on me.
He doesn't like you anon, I'm sorry. There's nothing to "get." He's not a nice person like you said in the beginning of your post. Why did you even bother saying that? How can you feel guilty for leaving a mean person who doesn't even like you?
I think you feel bad ("guilty") when he gets "scared" of you when you're mad because you have normal human empathy and it makes you feel bad to see someone you care about in such a vulnerable position. Imagine your bf's reaction to telling him his dick is too small. Imagine his reaction to you humiliating him socially. Imagine him calling you to vent and putting yourself on mute because you don't give a fuck. Imagine him buying your mother a nice meal and then being mean to him and telling him not to comment about it on your social media. I'm guessing you can't relate to those things because you're not a piece of shit. Don't give your heart and your time to men you can't relate with. He's probably using you for sex or status. Fuck his feelings. Just stop talking to him. You're worth a hell of a lot more than whatever this is!

No. 275828

>>275809
whichever anon said discord kittens love to write like they have real relationship problems and neglect to mention this is all an online fantasy until the end was so right lmao. no, you have not "been dating this guy for a while now", you literally don't even know him and somehow you're already allowing him to treat you like shit. get a fucking grip you absolute loser

No. 275849

>>275828
i’m gonna be really mean but those who take long distance relationships so seriously ( that begin online with no prior contact ) have never touched a man so they imagine this is what it feels like to have a boyfriend, from a safe distance where they can believe that everything is fine. just play mystic messanger it’s the same thing

No. 275850

>>275849
i got married to my online bf and we live together so idk what you're saying

No. 275852

>>275850
nta but please, don't act like you're not the exception to the rule. You know very well that e-relationships aren't real and rarely work out for the women involved.

No. 275853

>>275852
> e-relationships aren't real
nta but she literally said they live together?

No. 275854

>>275852
i don't think i'm the exception, also i had prior (irl meeting) relationships to him so it's not like i'd "never touched a man". i think they rarely work out solely if both parties don't intend to meet very early on and contact isn't cut if you don't meet irl within the first 4-5 months max.

No. 275862

>>275853
Yes at that point it's no longer an e-relationship obviously. When I said "e-relationships aren't real" I was talking about relationships in general, not hers specifically, that start out online and remain online/long-distance with no or rare irl contact.

>>275854
>irl prior contact
So we weren't even talking about the same thing, ok discussion closed.

No. 275865

>>275850
So you'd know that meeting in real life and actually touching is very, very different from being a Discord kitten. I've only ever e-"dated" and thought it felt so real but it's not. Even if you voice and video chat, it's not.

No. 275882

dunno if this classes as relationship advice but my boyfriend shaved his head the other day and i’m not sure i’m going to get used to it. the first thing i ever noticed about him before we even started talking was his lovely curly dark hair. i think i’m more just questioning myself for being shallow, and because i’d never been attracted to a man before him and having such a major change happen so quickly after nearly 5 years is fucking with me. like what if i never grow to like it? was my attraction to men/a man solely based on hair? am i really just fucking shallow or is it normal to be this anxious about a major change in your partner? i love him for him, not his hair so why is this stressing me out so much

idk i’m just worried i’m gonna freak out when we try to have sex or something because i’m not attracted to bald/shaven men and my brain isn’t going to process that it’s him that quickly

No. 275883

>>275882
why didn't you tell him beforehand that you don't want him to shave/you don't like bald hair? did he not consult you at all before shaving?

No. 275885

>>275883
sorry nonitas i’m rambling a bit.

i did, and he did consult me, and i said ‘honestly it’s going to be a really big shock to me and it’ll take me a while to get used to, but at the end of the day if you want to do it, it’s not my hair, i can’t tell you what to do with it and i’ll support you regardless’. he’s talked about wanting to do it for like a year for the sake of it because he’s never done it before, and it’s going to be so hot here in the next week that he said he’s actually got another reason to do it now.

i just don’t think it suits him, he has a very boyish look with soft features and i think the bald head look ages anyone and makes them look too aggressive for me. but he’s never told me what to do with my looks or hair so it’s not my place to stop him. that’s why i feel so shit for not liking it and worrying about how it’s going to affect intimacy, i’m not a ‘looks are everything’ person but the demographic of men i’m attracted to is so small that i can’t help worrying that maybe his attractiveness to me is going to fade

No. 275888

>>275885
i totally get you. i don't think there's anything you can do now except swallow the fact that he's bald, convince him to grow his hair out and not touch it again, or just break up if you lose your attraction to him. the good thing with choice #2 is that if you do that, the baldness will only be temporary, and he'll already have neck length hair in like a year.

No. 275896

>>275095
Have you talked to your mother yet? How did it go?

No. 275899

>>275882
>>275885
>was my attraction to men/a man solely based on hair?
No, hair just has an incredible effect on the face.

I'd say try to convince him to grow it out again, but don't make it about you, only mention him and try to speak positive of his curly hair instead of down talking his bald head. So don't go "I like you better with curly hair, you don't look good with a bald head" but say "You look handsome with curly hair, it fits your features" instead. If he really just wanted to try it once, there's probably a good chance you can convince him?

No. 275907

>>275809
Please be bait, I refuse to believe there are women out there that would fall for this. Did you ever even meet? How old are you? How old is he?? You're honestly saying you've sent this man gifts, but never showed him your face without makeup? Idk, feels like an elaborate troll

No. 275908

>>275885
What a fucking retard. Tell him he will have plenty of years to spend balding/bald in the future and he should enjoy his hair while he still has it. Imagine being a baldlet by choice. It's like choosing to be fat or short.

No. 275909

>>275654
>He absolutely refuses to use/buy condoms
He refuses because he knows you will either crack and buy them or just let him fuck with no condom. He sees your weakness and is exploiting it. Dump him.

No. 275910

>>275882
>>275885
Omg this happened with an ex of mine but he wanted to bleach his hair. He's middle eastern and he wanted to dye the top a platinum white and given he had soft, luscious, untouched hair I was so against it, I'd bleached my hair before and it fucked it for years. Plus, same as you, I just wasn't attracted to it.
Light hair just turns me off, I prefer darker features. You put into words what I felt years ago so thanks luv, appreciate.
The only advice I have is try not to hold a grudge. I agree that he can do what he wants to do with his body at the end of the day, and appearance can change and can change back. My ex actually got me to dye his hair back after a month because he couldn't deal with the upkeep and dryness of white hair, kek. Your bfs hair will grow, and it's best to do what the other anon said and encourage him with how much you love his long, curly hair.

No. 275948

>>275882
don’t blame yourself it’s perfectly normal to not like a dramatic change he did with his apperance, this “looks don’t matter i love him no matter what” is fairy tale bullshit we tell ourselves not to sound mean and judgmental. on the otherside, imagine if you shaved bald or did anything extreme and he didn’t like it, maybe he would also be confused about what to do. i know you don’t want to hurt him, just wait it out. maybe he also knows he looks bad but what can he do now? if all else fails make him wear a beanie for a few months lol

No. 276064

File: 1658101027571.gif (283.45 KB, 220x200, nice.gif)

I found evidence of something because I randomly got a gut feeling, and I was correct. I'm waiting to confront him about it when he comes back from visiting his family. I don't need his family blaming and bad mouthing me for ruining his mood while he's out there. So, I'll patiently wait, but I'm kind of glad it's like this because I do not feel like arguing now that I have had time to think. Just going to show him what I have gathered, then leave for good. They really aren't different, no matter how sweet and innocent they may look, or what their hobbies are. I won't let this stop me from starting school I just wish he could've seen me succeed because he really did support me emotionally whenever I was low, and I did the same for him. I don't feel anything but pure disappointment, nonnas.. and maybe a little sadness.

No. 276119

My sister is on track to get engaged to a gay scrote who she isn't in love with due to her past relationships with (violent) men. Their entire relationship is based on her not wanting anything from him. and him being extremely non-threatening. But it makes me so sad to see her settle for a relationship with no chemistry or attraction. She could easily do so much better, but moids have ruined ruined her self-esteem and outlook on future relationships due to being… well, violent moids. Every time I bring up flaws in their relationship she brushes it off with "But he treats me well, unlike (her exes)!". I don't know how to get through to her at all, and to show her how miserable getting married to him would be. Do any nonnas have advice on how to help a loved one when even they can't see how terrible their own relationship is? Or do I just have to let her make this giant mistake by herself and be there when it all comes crashing down?

Seeing the way men have treated my sister has made me so fucking angry, as well as cementing my man-hating lesbo status. I want to burn all scrotes at the stake.

No. 276129

>>276064
what happened, anon? how did he act that gave you the impression he was sweet?

No. 276140

>>273768
same age, its a wasteland of bald heads
I dont bother trying anymore lol

No. 276158

>>275852
>and rarely work out for the women involved.
This is crucial. I'm shocked how many women are willing to go to a different country or even continent to meet some guy from the Internet or move in with him after meeting a few times. Vetting scrotes is hard enough even when you see them on a daily basis, online "relationships" make hiding red flags and abusive tendencies so easy. No wonder most of them are dysfunctional messes.

No. 276199

>>276064
I'm sorry anon. It might be good that you have time to process this before you see him again. Get yourself into a headspace where he won't be able to sucker you back in or feed you excuses. Too many women get pulled back in and then the circus repeats itself a lil while down the line again.

I caught a guy once. He seemed so trustworthy for 3 years and then my gut started to just scream at me that something was up. We were making plans for our future and he was the one wanting to commit more and more. He went on holidays with his fam and on day one I looked and found what my gut had been telling me. I had 2 weeks to sit with my feelings before he got home. I didn't give him a show with tears. I didn't raise my voice. I didn't give him any emotions to then manipulate. I think it even hurt his ego that I never gave him all that usual despair. It's not that I didn't go through it.. but I refused to break down in front of him. In the long run I'm happy with the way I handled it. Its nice to at least have time to plan your confrontation.

No. 276486

I found out my boyfriend jerks it to retarded overly photoshopped cosplay girls. It makes me feel weird that he thinks that women actually look like that. He is insisting that I cosplay and go to comicon with him. He said he "appreciates beauty". Is this worth breaking up over?

No. 276490

>>276486
Absolutely

No. 276494

>>276486
The fact that he wants to go to comicon and is probably into anime/capeshit is reason enough to break up. Try to find an adult man to date and not a child.

No. 276495

>>276494
she's probably a womanchild herself anon

No. 276496

>>276486
Any man who thinks it's moral to fantasize about women other than his partner should be broken up with. So, 99% of men.

No. 276497

File: 1658251991151.jpg (111.2 KB, 1280x720, maxresdefault (1).jpg)

>>276496
Not that I disagree but this is going to turn into that debate for the umpteenth time, right?

No. 276500

>>276497
hope not, that's pretty obvious bait that even you fell for. sane people don't hold views like that (no, i don't care, don't bother replying)

No. 276510

>>276500
shut up retard, you're the most obvious bait.

No. 276516

>>276500
Ok cuckqueen

No. 276518

>>276516
>Having eyes and thoughts is cheating

No. 276519

>>276500
>men
>sane people

No. 276535

>>276497
Who cares? My point was men should be held to high standards. If you're going to be with a moid, he better be the best damn moid. Not some low-t faggot who jerks to porn instead of pleasing his girlfriend.

No. 276551

>>276518
Sure it’s not Hillary

No. 276559

How do I stop feeling insecure over random shit my boyfriend likes on social media? Like, right now I'm caught up with the fact he has a thing for redheads, yet I'm not a redhead, like in the span of few months of us dating hes liked 2 tweets relating to this. One like was of a guy realizing he has a redhead thing and recently another like was about some guy fantasizing about being kissed by a well known redhead celebrity.
I get it just being a pure fantasy and also considering the fact we both realize we will never find someone as compatible as each other with the same goals and wants in life. I just have such an insecurity over this. I think it's all related to my last relationship, where my ex was actively cheating on me without me knowing. This is something mental I have to work on. Because I understand fantasies, my bf doesn't look like the fantasy man I imagined I would fall in love with since I was a young teen, and I feel like a hypocrite, yet I dont believe I've liked tweets in similar vain.

No. 276565

Long vent incoming about LDR dont really expect anyone to read:

My boyfriend and I are long distance, we've spent a month together before, in total I'd say we've been around each other in person for 2 months and have been dating almost 2 years. Lately I've been feeling like I want to break up because I'm about to turn 28 and don't want to keep spending time in something that might lead to a dead end since neither of us have plans to move to the other person. We talk in vague terms of "someday we'll do this and that". I don't know if it's okay for me to expect him to visit me often since I'm not comfortable visiting him– I don't want to go on a plane to a different state, leaving my dog at home and I'm just not a fan of traveling at all.
It would be so nice to have someone local, but the thing is I kind of always knew I'd end up in an ldr due to being very picky and living in an area where men are just really unattractive generally speaking. I legitimately feel like over my years of dating apps I've met (or not matched with) every attractive man in my area. My only hope would be someone new moving nearby, but people don't really move here. I dated someone before who was here for his job, but we broke up because he'd be going back to the state he was from when the job ended. I cant stress enough how I legitimately feel like I've exhausted all of my local options– I've dated men I'm not very physically attracted to in the past and it's not something I'm ever going to do again. I have a fairly high sex drive and can't be with someone whos appearance turns me off. My boyfriend currently is an ex model and though hes put on some weight his face is very good looking which is what i care about, but at some point it feels like it doesn't even matter since I rarely get to see him.
I don't want to go back to the way things were before him, i had a good looking fwb and would be swiping left on various apps every day, the occasional meet-up usually resulting in me not being attracted, or us being completely different people (the case with my fwb) or someone I decide is good enough and give in and either have sex with right away then regret it and feel like a slut, or become attached to them and drive them away by being too pushy. I cringe when I look back on a lot of my single behavior, the guys I simped over or hooked up with out of loneliness and wanting affectionate touch. Being in a relationship protects me from myself in a way, and I doubt I'd be able to find a good looking guy I get along with who lives here, if I leave my bf I'd probably just end up in the same ldr situation again.

No. 276585

>>276559
>we will never find someone as compatible as each other with the same goals and wants in life
pure bullshit. there's 4 billion men out there. if you don't want a dude in your life that openly thirsts over women that don't look like you then just… don't have him. it's probably hard to believe what with you being cheated on and your self worth is roughly negative 0 due to that, but there are men out there that won't openly do shit like that let alone even use twitter lmao
>>276565
you're not in a real relationship. seeing each other 2 months over 2 years is not a real relationship. you have a long distance friendship, and your friend doesn't want to see you any more often that he already has because you know deep down he already would've if he actually wanted to. you don't even live in different countries and he puts so little effort in seeing you when he could just cross state lines. you can't just inhale copium in the form of "everyone else around me is ugly". go find an actual long distance relationship where the dude will move to be with you and not just twiddle his thumbs for 2 years. you're 28 ffs.

No. 276620

>>276565
Besides the whole LDR thing, I shall say that, ime, attractive men with their life in order generally aren't on dating apps because they don't need dating apps to find women to date.

No. 276625

>>276559
> the fact we both realize we will never find someone as compatible as each other with the same goals and wants in life
Nonnie I highly doubt this. Its not healthy to tell yourself at a young enough age that nobody else out there could ever be compatible like your current bf is. That is not reality. Don't ever stay in a relationship because you've convinced yourself nothing better exists out there. Stay because you passionately want to stay but don't troll yourself with that shit.

No. 276629

>>276589
Indians aren't brown, they're yellow diarrhea colored subhumans, please don't group yourself with brown people who have history and culture while the only thing your country has are faggy 5'0 men who let themselves get colonized by white men who see them lower than rats. Your women and men constantly fantasize about being with whites when in reality, every white person I've know on hates Indians more than any other ethnicity.
And a little realitycheck, I had a russian boyfriend, trust me they'd rather kill themselves than date someone that looks like you. He and his female friends would call people your color shitcolored and laugh, they even made one indian girl and another shit colored man cry when they rejected them for being shitcolored.(racebaiting)

No. 276631

damn it's bait-to-bait hours

No. 276632

>>276631
It's not bait to tell him Russians hate people like him. Do you really think an Indian could find a Russian willing to date him if he's not super rich or white passing(which he isn't from his pics)? Russians are one of the most colorist societies and seeing how foreign men want to trait their women, their colorism is based tbh.

No. 276634

>>276559
Your boyfriend doesn't respect you or your feelings. Men in relationships shouldn't be on social media liking thot-pics and thirsting for other women. It's super disrespectful and you shouldn't put up with it. Stop thinking something is wrong with you and that you just need to be "less insecure". Your feelings are normal, his actions are disrespectful and hurtful.

No. 276635

>>276565
1. if you have no plans to move in together you should break up now, there is no future for you
2. you seem to be very shallow while also living in some shithole with no options, consider moving or just die alone I guess
3. if your discord boyfriend really looks like a model why does he have a discord girlfriend instead of a real relationship? He's probably fucking around on the side which is why this arrangement works for him. You are his emotional tampon while he gets sex somewhere else. No man would be ok with only having sex twice in 2 years.

Just end it.

No. 276638

>>276589
This scrote didn't get banned but the anon telling him the russian woman wouldn't date him did? Are they knowingly letting this Indian faggot shitpost since he's been here for days yet none of his posts get deleted until hours have past?

No. 276640

>>276635
>you seem to be very shallow
anon isn't shallow for wanting a boyfriend who she's attracted to wtf, that's a reasonable standard every woman should have.

No. 276648

>>276640
I based this mostly on the fact that she seems to be only with her e-boyfriend because he "looks like an underwear model" and said she was afraid she wouldn't find someone as good looking, without ever talking about what other qualities he has that she likes or any of their common interests. Their relationship sounds like it's based on how hot she thinks he is. She even says she is "picky" and has already matched with every single attractive man in her area. It seems to be her main focus.

No. 276649

>>276565
I would break up, because if neither of you are planning to move then why are you still together? I would be so anxious if my bf cheats or not, if I would be in a long distance relationship

No. 276654

>>276565
>Long vent incoming about LDR
stopped reading here. end that shit.

No. 276656

>>276654
If you don't even bother to read, why bother to comment? Go away

No. 276659

>>276656
"end that shit" is the only advice discord kittens really need.

No. 276661

>>276648
She's based for caring about men's looks. A lot of dumb women settle down for ugly men and end up regretting it later on. Stop acting mad because your nigel looks like a goblin cause you saw the beauty within or whatever. Not all women are as desperate as you.

No. 276662

>>276565
>I have a fairly high sex drive and can't be with someone whos appearance turns me off
I get wanting attraction but to have a high sex drive and spend years not seeing each other often.. that's not great for satisfying you either. You need both. An attractive guy isn't much use if he's miles away and has no plans to merge up.

No. 276663

>>276661
you're a subhuman idiot, and totally missing the point. she's not even in a relationship, her """"boyfriend"""" has only seen her TWICE in a two year "relationship", what does it even matter if he's hot or not? for the chit chat they have over discord while he plays video games? maybe you would have a point if she was capable of finding a hot boyfriend in real life and be in a real relationship with one.

No. 276666

>>276661
the discord kitten got its claws out lol. what's the fucking point of having a sexy boyfriend if you can't actually, you know, have sex with him?

No. 276667

>>276666
NTA but that's literally OP's predicament dumbass

No. 276668

>>276663
I didn't read the original post and thought it was anons irl boyfriend that happened to live far away, thats fair. She still shouldn't be with an uggo though.
>>276666
I'm not op, your ugly nigel must be proud though.

No. 276672

File: 1658332166624.jpeg (94.88 KB, 750x594, CA52E68B-A86E-4468-8143-DEBD85…)

Discord kitten here. A few months ago he traveled down and wanted to see me for the first time but I declined. I don’t remember exactly why, it was maybe because I was nervous or had some plans already. Anyways I’m glad I didn’t because I was very ugly back then. He had seen me and didn’t care but still. I’ve flown up quite a lot since then and recently told him I was going to his state soon and that I wanted to see him and he declined! Said not now but eventually when I probed. I get it’s probably because he started a new job which is very important and a turning point in his life but what if it’s because he thinks I didn’t want to see him that one time? Should I end it? He seems like a real catch so I’m hesitating and need some sense talked into me

No. 276673

>>276672
I meant glown up

No. 276675

>>276672
Eh, this is probably unpopular but I'm not neccersarily camp "break up with your discord bf no matter what" but you should definitely get perspective for the future asap. You've both declined seeing each other.. so when then? if ever? What you have can't stay online because a relationship that's deliberately kept online with no intentions to continue together irl is not a relationship. Don't sit around waiting/hoping you'll eventually meet up irl. Make concrete plans about meeting up and eventually moving in with each other, if either of you can't do that, you should break-up.

No. 276676

>>276672
Nonnie, I have to be honest with you. You wasted 2 of your years dating some random guy who couldn't be assed visiting you while living not in a different, country A STATE. It's one thing e-dating as a teenager, but as a 28-year-old, 2 years of which you spent on a literal pixel on a screen…?
>we will never find someone as compatible as each other
Do I have news for you… You romanticize it too much. There are so many people in this world that you haven't met yet.
Break up, fix your insecurities, get your shit together and focus on yourself. You really sound immature, sorry to say that.

No. 276678

>>276672
>wanted to see me for the first time but I declined.
I thought you met your bf for a duration of 2 months total? Are you not >>276565?

No. 276681

>>276672
Uhhh you should try, you know, talking to him about it.

No. 276684

>>276661
I just pointed out that she is shallow, you're the one who took it to be an insult (kek, insecure much). Obviously you should look for someone you are attracted too, but if you don't want to break up with a guy you have absolutely no chance of a future with, just because he is very good looking then you're a fucking idiot.

No. 276686

>>276672
You declined to meet up and then he did too.. whether you take advice from here or not I can just see this fizzling out by itself anyway. It's not heading anywhere.

No. 276688

>>276686
I agree.

>>276684
>kek, insecure much
Quite the contrary, I commented because it seemed like the double standard at play again.
> if you don't want to break up with a guy you have absolutely no chance of a future with, just because he is very good looking then you're a fucking idiot.
I don't even disagree with this I just wasn't taking a stance on whether she should or shouldn't break up with her discord bf when I said what I did.

No. 276689

>>276668
>I'm not op, your ugly nigel must be proud though.
i'm aware, i'm pretty sure you're seething cause you can relate though. and no, i'm a normal adult who can just find someone i'm attracted to in real life and date them, instead of having to resort to "dating" pixels on a screen and coping that it's totally because everyone in real life isn't good enough for me

No. 276692

>>276689
You didn't know I wasn't the op, if you did why did you assume the handsome but discordcel faggot was my bf and I was a discordkitten? You're not normal and got so mad when I called your imaginary nigel ugly that you attacked me before realizing I'm not OP.
Also it's not normal to date ugly men, that's what femcels do when they can't find anyone else.

No. 276693

>>276692
you are not the op but you must also be a discord kitten in order to get this mad kek.
>Also it's not normal to date ugly men, that's what femcels do when they can't find anyone else.
this is true. it also applies to LDRs.

No. 276707

>>276676
huh? im not that anon, i've "been" with this guy for 6 months

I'm also 22, if it matters? He's 25
>>276675
I know but I feel like I would be pushing it if I ask a second time, like i would come across as needy and annoying. I've already broken up with him because I was unsure about this whole online thing, pffffft, idk how many times.
>>276678
No
>>276686
I declined because I had family plans I couldn't just cancel, otherwise I would've. He declined and honestly I didn't expect anything else because i already knew he currently has close to zero time off due to grinding it out. I also didn't give him a solid date for when I would be there which probably contributed. To expect for him to see me NOW would be inconsiderate. Or not, which is why I'm here asking for advice on what to do next

No. 276708

>>276707
and before any of you e-relationship skeptics wonder how I know he has barely any time off, he literally shows me his TIMECARD. How many irl boyfriends do that for any of you? lol

No. 276712

>>276693
I don't use discord and I don't have ldr relationships, I just thought it was super weird for anons to attack a woman because she dared to date someone she found attractive.

No. 276713

>>276708
> his TIMECARD
checkmate bitches you didn’t expect that , his godamn timecard ultimate proof that atests the pure truth. you guys just aren’t sophisticated enough to get it. girl lol you are delusional

No. 276715

>>276713
I-
not pure truth, just truth in regards to how he allocates his time… need a hug?

No. 276717

>>276712
she wasn't attacked for that reason at all, she wasn't even attacked period. you're making a big deal out of nothing.

No. 276718

>>276708
>How many irl boyfriends do that for any of you? lol
everyone in a relationship that doesn't have the maturity of 2 twelve year olds dating. aka not you. you sound like you're still in middle school, how are you in your 20s? just stay in your weird online relationship and don't pollute the real dating market kek

No. 276719

>>276707
>I know but I feel like I would be pushing it if I ask a second time, like i would come across as needy and annoying
That's stupid, you're not needy and annoying for wanting solid future plans to take your relationship offline. An e-relationship is doomed without it.

>he literally shows me his TIMECARD. How many irl boyfriends do that for any of you?

Yeah, they don't have to because irl boyfriends are under a degree of social control. Can't get away with lies about your whereabouts to your gf as easily when she's in the same social circles and your friends and family know what you're up to. This isn't the gotcha you think it is.

No. 276722

>>276719
it feels like if I ask a second time it'll get to his head somehow, like I am chasing him or something. Also I thought if you have to initiate things then the relationship is doomed. Technically I didn't but if I ask a second time then officially I am. At least until he asks again at a later date, then we would be even. Does that make sense?
>Yeah, they don't have to because irl boyfriends are under a degree of social control
Social control is a lot more faulty though. I can agree ideal would be both.
>>276718
So the minority, because I look around me and 10/10 times my fake relationship is more transparent than "irl" ones

No. 276726

>>276715
Nta but that anon's post was funny. Trying to flex by saying your discord boyfriend must show you his fuckin time card in order for you to trust that he really is working is just not it I'm sorry…

No. 276727

>>276722
How long do you intend to keep waiting for a man you've never met?

No. 276729

>>276726
I wasn't trying to flex, just merely answering the question i knew was coming ie "hurr durr how do you know he's actually busy and not lying about it".
>>276727
I hate most moids so as long as I don't meet another as good as him irl. In other words, forever or until he breaks it off

No. 276730

>>276729
Nonna, you sound desperate.

No. 276732

>>276730
I was being a bit sarcastic about the forever thing…

No. 276733

>>276708
I don't need to see my man's "timecard" cause he lives with me, lol. Obviously you can't say the same.

No. 276734

>>276729
I see. I stand by the opinion you should figure out if this relationship has irl potential asap to avoid wasting your time and energy and to being able to plan your future but it's up to you. Good luck.

No. 276736

>>276722
your relationship isn't real. sorry you don't have parents to tell you how ridiculous you are for getting into fake LDR shit, it's been said time and time again that unless the person you meet online takes swift and mature steps to meet you as soon as possible and make a life together then it just isn't real and is never going to work. being a mentally stunted womanchild that believes talking to some loser through a microphone counts as a relationship must be fucking suffering, the desperation from that is just sad. if it sounds harsh it's because it is. you don't even know your e-moid because you have not spent REMOTELY enough time in real life together. you don't actually know someone unless you're with them in person, and you'd be very lucky if they happen to be the same person irl as they are through the computer. it's bizarre that this has to be explained at all to terminally online people.

No. 276743

>>276732
Think hard about why the sarcasm didn't land

I think this is a dedicated troll like the lady in Japan with the OCD bf on cc

No. 276744

>>276715
>…. need a hug?
you are telling ME about getting hugs while you never touched your imaginary boyfriend? you are losing it this is the funniest shit

No. 276745

>>276722
>10/10 times my fake relationship is more transparent than "irl" ones
so this is the level of delusion a discord kitten needs to function

No. 276749

>>276722
In all kindness nonnie, you'll look back on this someday and you'll see that this wasn't a relationship of any sort. You'll feel dumb like we all feel dumb about some choice we've made. It happens, but stop leaning so heavily into the delusion. At least help yourself to wake up sooner.

No. 276753

>>276732
Anon if you love your hot bf so much, why don't you meet him? I know some people who met their online partners and it could fall apart. In one incident, the man for example hid his disability.

No. 276756

>>276753
i've known like 4 people who did ldrs and all fell apart when they met. in person chemistry is crucial.

No. 276763

>>276756
This is so juicy I want details even tho these are strangers kek

No. 276768

>>276733
Make him get a job
>>276734
thank you
>>276736
I never said it was. And I'm well aware of all of that, so you added nothing of substance to the conversation.
>>276749
I agree, what part of "I've already broken up with him because I was unsure about this whole online thing" don't you understand? He's busy and his new job is really important? aren't those legitimate reasons for not meeting eachother yet? I could suggest we meet on his once in a blue moon day off, but would that be the ideal situation? rushed, him uber dog tired? imo that sounds like the perfect way for it to go terrible.
>>276753
wtf? like he was in a wheelchair or what? pretty sure mine isn't… I've seen his legs. Moving. And walking

No. 276769

>>276768
nta but wait you've already broken up with him? like in the span of time since you first made your post? didn't you say you didn't mind waiting (figuratively) forever?

No. 276770

>>276769
never mind, it doesn't matter.

No. 276775

>>276769
Nta and I'm confused too kek. I think there are 2 similar relationships being discussed rn but I'm on mobile so it's a pain in the ass to follow the tags to the parent post

No. 276797

>>276768
if you’ve already broken up why are you still asking what to do?
>broken up many times because of this online thing, he is very busy we can’t see each other like ever
you are answering your own questions. no one in here will encourage you to pursue this.

No. 276805

>>276775
Lmao that's exactly what's happening, I'm OP who posted about her "hot ex model bf", anon started calling me a discord kitten, then a different anon posted "discord kitten here" lol.
Anyway I appreciate the responses and while some of them are harsh I actually do see the merit to them. I'll keep it in consideration… I still don't have my mind made up.
To clarify though we're definitely not in a discord kitten situation lol, we're both relatively normal people, and he has asked me to come move in with him many times but I'm not ready to do so as one anon pointed out, I've only been around him for 2months total, that's not enough time to really know him. He disagrees tho and thinks the time we've spent talking online is time we've been getting to know each other. I get that but its not the same as irl, seeing how someone responds to problems that arise, their mannerisms, etc.
He is working so it's hard to take off time to come here from the other side of the country, last time he drove all the way here, he's planning to fly here in fall. Idk though anons. I just don't know.

No. 276808

>>276805
I should probably include that he wants me to fly there and would be glad if I came to visit at any time I wanted, but I don't want to go on a plane across the country and be in a place I've never been with him, if things go badly I don't like the idea of feeling trapped away from home. I moved in with a guy a couple years ago and it ended up being a bad situation so I'm probably a little scarred from that, but I think it's a good thing I'm being more cautious.
So basically I expect him to always be the one to visit me until we've known each other well enough that I'd feel comfortable moving in, and that could take years. Which is a lot to expect, I know, but it's not going to change, I'm no longer willing to take any risks for moids.

No. 276810

>>276808
TBH you both should find people nearer to home and avoid this retarded bullshit that probably hurts both sides, he should break up with you

No. 276829

>>276810
"HE should break up with HER" what is this anon are you a scrote or something

No. 276848

>>276805
If he wanted to he would. If you wanted to, you would. Neither of you seem invested in this. I met my husband online too, we lived in different countries (not states) and managed to meet up within the first 6 months despite incredibly annoying and frustrating visa issues eventually moved in together and got married. It would be so fucking easy to do this if you both already live in the same country and don't need to apply for a visa. You really have no excuse, there is no real love between you two or you would be bending heaven and earth to be together.

No. 276854

>>276808
I've moved in too quickly with a bf before and it was the worst mistake I've ever made, essentially a way of financially and just practically trapping me hours away from anyone I knew who could be an emotional support. His personality changed just like that once we'd moved. I get your anxiety after an experience like that but.. just date someone who lives nearby so that moving in isn't so necessary in order to see each other regularly. For lack of better wording.. just date in a normal way with no huge distance and barriers and pressure and travel costs.

The first thing I did when I got away from my bad situation was to search out cheap property areas and I settled down solo in a town of my choosing and I put down roots here career wise. I'm living here alone for the forseeable future. I'm not moving to be with any guy and I'm not moving a guy into my home for many years at least. Being in a LDR just seems like you're going to repeat the past because you say you don't want to take risks but this is higher risk. The pacing of ldrs tends to be an issue, they tend to create this pressure to move in together to close the gap. So you see them for short visits that feel more like holidays and then one of you has to make a big leap when moving in for real. Compared to a normal relationship that is more risky and hardly what you need to be investing years into after your previous experience burnt you. Live for yourself, set your own plans and if you meet a local guy then keep renting seperately and taking it slow. That's a low risk relationship.

No. 276883

Is it really abusive and manipulative to go silent if your partner does something you don’t like? How is it a “silent treatment” if that’s your initial reaction? What’s the difference? If there is one?

No. 276884


No. 276885

>>276883
It's neither abusive nor manipulative, but it's better to just be upfront and tell them exactly what it is you don't like.

No. 276893

>>276883
It is at least manipulative when you're deliberately refusing to talk about it after your initial shock silence when your partner does want to talk about it.

Not sure if it counts as the silent treatment if you're just staying silent about that one subject but are otherwise communicating though.

No. 276899

>>276883
It's abusive if you're going silent over minor things, or simply for not getting your way in a subjective disagreement. In most cases though it's not abusive. As other anon said, it's definitely better to just communicate your needs and if they're constantly unmet, move the fuck on to someone else. It doesn't matter too much if your needs are "reasonable" or not tbh, your partner either meets them or does not.

No. 276914

My boyfriend wants his 16 year old teenage daughter to move in with us. I am only 30.. I hate kids and don't want to be a mom. I don't want to censor myself. I don't want to be around teen drama (she threatens to kill herself over video games on the regular). I love him but I don't want to live in an environment where I can't be myself. Should I go? Am I overreacting?

No. 276916

>>276914
lol. the joys of dating expired milk scrotes.

No. 276920

>>276883
>The silent treatment is widely regarded as a form of emotional manipulation and even psychological abuse. It is the act of ceasing to initiate or respond to communication with someone else or refusing to acknowledge them altogether
If you're upset and you need space then by all means say that you need space and try to ballpark how much space you need. That's the bar that sets it apart. But actual silent treatment is an abuse tactic

No. 276921

>>276914
You are not overreacting at all, having a kid in your living space is a huge status quo change. Your life path is valid. I'm not gonna say leave outright, but one of you is probably going to have to compromise quite a lot to make this work. I'd say do not be the one to cave because even for the annoying shitty kid, having a step mom that doesn't like her would do a number to her self-esteem. Nobody should be forced to be a parent, including you. For everyone's sake.

No. 276922

>>276914
I experienced this but with a teenage son. I struggled. I always had to be the bigger person and suck up my feelings and deal with it (rightly so because I was the adult) but it sucked the whole time and never got any better. I was paying to live in a home I did not feel comfortable and relaxed in. The dad didn't mediate any issues that popped up very well and I compromised so much more than I think a person should have to do in a relationship. I'm not the one with baggage and yet I'm extending myself lke crazy. The dad didn't compromise much. It was always me bending to suit him. Then at times he used the son to kind of triangulate and outnumber me in decision making. Decisons that I thought should be up to the two adults (ie bill payers) He promsied me at the start that I'd never be paying for the son but 2 years in I was. He was finding ways to get me to pay more and more while pretending it wasn't about that. It was. The son would bring in a surprise expense and that same day I'm asked for money for another thing. It was insulting that he wouldn't just be upfront about the reality of it. The worst part was that.. instead of helping us get along he started to actively pit is against each other? I worked really hard to have a good rapport with him and then the dad just started playing us off against each other like we were competitive siblings? It didn't work but it was just strange and created a weird vibe and some awkward moments. I start to feel like a second child after a while. One that paid bills tho!

I've had alot of time to reflect on it. Dads need to put their kids first. Dads also need to know that sometimes they can't have it all and it's better to just not date younger/childless women if they're going to expect everyone else to suck up how much they don't like their new living situation. Imo.. don't even go there. He wants to live with his child… don't take that chance away from him but don't stick around for it either. They could both end up hating you no matter how hard you try to blend together. You're being put in an impossible situation if you don't want kids and she's a teenager who is going through some shit already.

No. 276924

>>276914
That sucks and I get you but all I'm saying is that the kid deserves to live with her parent and if she's a drama queen, she has that right too but you also have every right to not wanna be around that. Shitty situation.

No. 276936

>>276914
Of course you're not overreacting. Stand up for yourself, in my opinion he's crossing boundaries by asking you to put up with the results of his previous relationship, even more so knowing you don't want to be a mother. I'd be incredibly offended and feel deeply disrespected at the mere suggestion of it.

No. 276939

>>276924
exactly, that's why you don't get involved with men who have kids from a previous relationship unless you for some reason want to be a stepmom. In all other situations they're to be treated as expired goods.

No. 276948

>>276914
huge risk of throwing all the caretaking on you…. he just halved his responsabilities while he enjoys more free time. hard to get out of. you’re already doubting it because you don’t want it, do you think this sacrifice on your part will turn out fine? what will he compromise

No. 276979

I met a guy through a family member several days ago and we hit it off immediately. We've spent all that time talking to each other over mic every evening where we ended up talking about family, politics, criticizing coomer behavior, education, and it looks like we really share the same values. We're also the same age and have a lot of overlap in our hobbies, he comes from a good background and respects/loves his family. We actually met at my front door after my family member forced him to deliver some stuff to me. He lives quite far away though (far for me) but is already suggesting he's happy to drive and visit, he texts me while at work, we say goodnight etc.

Even after all of this though, I'm fucking terrified to get any closer than just friends. I have some trauma that left me cold hearted and with bad social anxiety so I can't tell if what I'm feeling is an overreaction of fear or messed up excitement because I do like hanging out with him. We've been flirting and I like the attention but I'm pretty sure I'm not actually attracted to him (yet?) and the thought of actually being in a relationship with someone makes me freak out and think this is going way too fast.
But I've been complaining about >mfw no bf for like the past month and this compatible guy literally turned up on my doorstep, should I just… keep on doing what I'm doing and stop worrying so much? Even when he seems happy to let me lead whenever I want, the thought of it doesn't make me feel 'safer' even though he's like 200% safe on paper in my head.

No. 276983

>>276979
NONNA PLEASE STOP WORRYING IT'LL TURN OUT FINE

No. 276997

>>276983
Why are you shouting?

No. 277046

>>276914
no hate just a honest question: but why are you even dating someone, who has a child, who is rather close to your age? I would feel so uncomfortable. Like how much older than you is your boyfriend? Tell him that you do not want that, the dynamic will be in my opionion really bad if she moves in (expect if she is like never home) and you will end up either as the step mom, the second (older) child who has to take herself back a lot so that the younger one will get their way or you will have a young roommate, which you will probably have to pay for (at least a little bit) and which will probably never make you feel comfortable at home. Your age difference is not big enough for that imo and which 30 year old wantto play a mother for a big teenager, who is almost an adult? I honestly fear that your boyfriend will try to make you take responsibility of her like a parent too (while his child will of course say you aren't and will make you in the worst case feel like an outsider, who tries to dictate her life and will maybe complain to her mother about you, who will probably try to talk to you about this) and with that age difference and you being so young, it is almost a shameless request

No. 277056

I don’t think I love my boyfriend anymore and I don’t think I’m attracted to him any longer. My heart aches and hurts thinking about it. We have been together for about 10 months and this is my first relationship, he was my first kiss and my first sexual experience. A month and a half ago I went back to visit my parents in my home country and after I returned things just changed. While I was away we kept in touch by calling and playing video games and this wasn’t the first time we were away from each other, so we were coping with distance as usual. When I returned and saw him again I just wasn’t feeling it. He spent 6 days with me in my apartment and at the beginning it was ok, but by the end of it I couldn’t bear the fact that he was always so touchy. Furthermore, over the past few weeks he keeps saying how I’m out of his league and how I’m much more attractive than him. I shut that down and tell him that he is above average looking and that he is very accomplished for his age. Plus, the more time we spend together the more comfortable he gets around me. He has now revealed his distaste for ‘common’ people (normies) and how much he hates children and people who have them or anyone who follows the status quo. He tells me that he is very loyal and that he would never leave me, that I’m the best thing that has ever happened to him, etc. I don’t like it when he says that, in the beginning it was scary and now it just makes my stomach churn. 

In the beginning I was mesmerised by his beauty, his glow. I don’t know if it was the initial brain chemicals of attraction but now I find myself admiring other men from afar. It’s as if he became less attractive when I saw him again, but that can’t be possible, we were just away from each other for a short while. His topics of conversation used to interest me at first, but now I find them boring, he just goes on and on about stuff that I couldn’t care slightly about. I can’t even engage in analysis or discussion with him as I know jack shit about the topic.

I don’t know why this is happening, he has always been so kind and so respectful of me. He writes me poetry, he gives me beautiful and symbolic gifts, he tells me how I’m constantly on his mind, he’s willing to move to a foreign country for me, he takes care of me when I’m sick, he doesn’t demand sex… I feel like I’m in the wrong here, that it’s my fault that I’m losing attraction. 

If I do break up with him how do I do it? I’m scared he’s going to kill himself or just become depressed, that he won’t recover. This man breathes for me. I think he’s co-dependent and that is turning me off. Any tips on how to work through that?

Please help, this brings me great emotional turmoil and I feel like I can’t express this to him too prematurely.

No. 277058

>>277056
so what you are saying is that he seems boring to you now? if this is your first relationship maybe you aren’t accustomed to getting used to someone, it can’t be butterflies everytime. once you know a lot about the other it starts to slow down and things start to feel normal. only you should know if he is truly boring and needy or if your relationship is dead. but if you feel uncomfortable and responsible for his moods and you are scared to leave,get out, you won’t get rid of this feeling

No. 277063

>>277058
>>277056
>>277058

(deleted since I wanted to add more information)

I feel like he dedicates so much and puts so much on the line for our relationship, he sacrifices so much. Whereas I tend to be more cynical about it, especially considering it's my first one. So it seems like our attitudes are polarised.

Looking at it long term it seems like it will only bring hurt to him.

I wouldn't say I'm bored of him, his company is nice and we still have good moments. Just his views seem a bit radical, especially his disdain for people. I think his attitude towards certain things is what is turning me off from him in regards to his physical looks. Since the only changing factor is that he is much more open and unfiltered.

No. 277070

>>276979
You're dealing with trauma and social anxiety, working through that is going to make you uncomfortable sometimes. And that's OK, feeling uncomfortable isn't something bad you have to avoid at all costs. You've got a great opportunity here so don't let it go to waste. Just go ahead, let it happen, stop worrying so much and allow yourself to feel uncomfortable sometimes. You'll reap benefits from it no matter how it works out with the guy.

No. 277074

>>277056
Your first post made it sound like he's perfect and you feel guilty for being bored (still a perfectly valid reason to break up!) but then you drop this
>Just his views seem a bit radical, especially his disdain for people.
If it's already a problem imagine what it will be in a year, two, when the honeymoon phase fully passes for both of you. Ultimately like what I've said, losing romantinc interest in someone is enough to end the relationship, no matter how much the other person brings in; but in your case when he's already showing the ugliness inside, even more justified. It's only 10 months and your first relationship on top of that, not a big loss!

No. 277083

>>277056
>He has now revealed his distaste for ‘common’ people (normies) and how much he hates children and people who have them or anyone who follows the status quo.
Yeah this is kind of cringe right here. He sounds like he is stuck in that edgy teenager mindset. Do you want kids eventually? That alone would be a dealbreaker.

No. 277095

>>276979
>I'm pretty sure I'm not actually attracted to him (yet?)
I was ready to reassure you that you're overthinking this but.. this line is pretty make or break. It's been discussed on here alot lately (in other threads too) Don't meme yourself into dating someone you don't feel attracted to. You should not have to try and make yourself find someone attractive at the start. It's hard enough when you lose attraction later on and have to maybe work on it but rn.. it should be there. If it's not then its not. The dangerous side of this is, men lose their minds if they're left to think you're into them and then you drop that reality on them later. There's no prizes for playing along hoping the spark will somehow form later on.

I get being flattered by the attention, eso if it's been a while where you're not putting yourself out there much but unless you're both asexual there's boxes that need to be ticked.. and that feeling is either there or its not. Don't force it.

No. 277099

>>277056
>He has now revealed his distaste for ‘common’ people (normies) and how much he hates children and people who have them or anyone who follows the status quo
>He tells me that he is very loyal and that he would never leave me, that I’m the best thing that has ever happened to him
Idk if this is his first relationship too or how young you both are but.. people say some crazy bullshit when they're young and wrapped up in what they think is love. He's sounds a lil unhinged, low on empathy, puts you on a pedestal more so as a form of control rather than a genuine compliment. Probably has alot of growing up to do. He says this 'never leave you' shit to put pressure on you nonnie. It's not for flattery. This is too much to be saying months into dating and you have no experience to comapare him to for context but this is manipulative 'don't you ever leave me!' type behaviour. That's the seed he's trying to plant when he says that. Maybe he will fall apart after you leave but you have to let him. People survive very long term relatiosnships ending so less than a year.. it shouldn't kill him.

Block him on everything if you do leave. Don't let someone with edgy low empathy levels for most people on earth.. hold suicide threats over your head.

No. 277123

>>277070
>allow yourself to feel uncomfortable sometimes
Nta but I think that's what's preventing me from dating, the idea of being vulnerable and letting myself go with another person annoys me and I prefer being in control all the time, is it possible to be in a relationship with this attitude?

No. 277124

>>277056
Nonna, I cannot stress enough that you should follow your gut feeling. I had a VERY similar experience to yours and when I left him the feeling of relief was immeasurable.

Listen to >>277099 anon when she says that his flattery is a tool and not something free he gives out. When I was with my ex who, like yours, was contrarian and had a 4-chan-ish mindset (IDK if yours is but mine defo was), the constant edgelord-ing and besmirching of normie stuff was exhausting and I could tell that he was negatively shaped by that 4chan mentality and 'meninist relationship hacks'… even if he was a good guy down underneath. Listen to your gut if it's saying that the positive attention you get is suffocating you because more likely than not he is doing this to tether, not to make you feel good. If you realized that you don't feel attracted to him, that's okay! Sometimes people don't end up working out and not all breakups have to be because of some monumental problem; sometimes it's the little things that add up and make you change your mind.

In my situation, what made me realize that I wanted to break up with my ex is when I talked to my mom about these weird feelings, such as suffocation and not being attracted to him anymore and she basically said, "if you really wanted to be with him and he was the one for you, you wouldn't be thinking these things." Parents have been married for 30 years and are basically a team, she knew what she was talking about. For example, my dad loves my mom the the stars and back but he never lovebombed her or made her feel uncomfortable in their level of attachment to each other. So think about whether putting in more time into this relationship when you're already feeling the winds of change is worth it. Take care of yourself; even if he's not aware of it (doubt it, but) manipulation and string-tugging can come in all sorts of forms.

No. 277146

>>277133
100% with you on this nona. If you were attracted, you'd know. There is no fabricating that kind of magnetic draw.

No. 277147

i hooked up with this guy i met on Hinge and my friends said he sexually assaulted me but i don't want to confront it. i don't know what to do.

we went out on a few dates and i have spent the night at his apartment a couple times but then

he forced me to have anal sex and came in me. it was so painful, it hurt so much. my stomach hurt so much after. when i told my friends, they all got really, really angry.

i know there's a thread for sexual assault and abuse, but i don't know what to do.

he did a lot for me to show interest in me, i don't feel mislead, he even said he wasn't looking for something serious and neither am i. but i wasn't looking for this. i don't know what to do, i haven't blocked him or spoken to him since i left his apartment.

No. 277154

>>277070
>>277095
>>277133
Yeah. I've never dated before (and he's only had one gf) so I don't have actual experience but I'm prepared to be honest and not do it if I don't find him hot. Am super lonely but I can deal with that, I'm not that desperate for dick kek. It probably sounds bad to clarify that I've only seen him in person that one time with pics and we've only been talking online but I thought since we get along so well over chat and co-oping games, maybe the draw will be there when we're in person. He's naturally pretty sweet, if I find there's no spark when we're in person I kind of wish I could send him off to a nonna in need because he's definitely someone's type and not a psycho.
>The dangerous side of this is, men lose their minds if they're left to think you're into them and then you drop that reality on them later. There's no prizes for playing along hoping the spark will somehow form later on.
It's only been a week, I'm not playing a game or leading him on, just acting how I normally do but you and the other posts are right about the spark and past experiences already taught me not to stick around for people not worth it.

>>277123
Am that anon, I was thinking people like that probably need to care for themselves before they can open up to share something with another person properly, but it sounds like you just prefer being single over being with someone if it 'annoys' you.

No. 277163

>>277147
Yeah that sounds like you got raped, nonnie. If you want to keep the option of going after this fucker you should go to the hospital to preserve the evidence. Otherwise surround yourself with friends and try to be comfy.

No. 277166

I've just accepted my relationship isn't going to work out. We're both broke, currently in an LDR, and have no way of moving to be together in the immediate future. I get so jealous reading the nigel thread about women getting taken care of by their boyfriends making six figures. We both live with our parents still.

No. 277180

>>277166
That thread is for bragging, don’t take it to heart . Reading those only hurts you…

No. 277191

>>277166

I post in the nigel thread and this one both. Mine makes six figures and takes care of me, but he also has a 16 year old daughter and some other issues. There are always pros and cons.

No. 277192


No. 277198

How do you guys differentiate between lovebombing, and expressing a lot of earnest affection and kindness with good intentions? How do you even set up a boundary with someone so they can tone it down, and then see if that gives any indications for either possibility?

No. 277210

Is it normal to tell my bf that I don't feel like hanging out if we live in the same house? Like telling him to go to the bedroom or I will instead of hanging out in the living room because I don't want to be around him? It makes me feel mean but I can't control myself and start acting mean towards him otherwise. Sometimes I just don't want him in my presence even silently

No. 277212

>>277210
It's normal to want space and alone-time.

No. 277227

File: 1658530722903.jpg (61.42 KB, 540x720, cat.jpg)

>>277133
nta but what if initially there's a spark but then something happens without you noticing and then when you realize, you have no (or seemingly no) attraction. Was that a fake spark? does it mean you're only attracted to people you just met?

No. 277367

>>273768
>>276140
Fucks sake, definitely not looking forward to that. I see women around that age and they look just as good as when they were in their 20s. Then I look at the average man in that age range and it's just horrific. How the fuck will I find someone if I'm single then? Am I doomed to just dating 20-30 year old men forever kek

No. 277368

>>277367
Most of the dateable men are already in relationships (usually married) by the time they are 30. The guys that are left over are usually still single for a reason.

No. 277371

>>277368
and by that logic shouldn’t most of the dateable women also be paired up? if I don’t find someone by that age am I forever doomed ?

No. 277372

>>277371
I think by the age of 35, you're doomed unless you date men a little younger or happen to find a man who couldn't marry because of some unfortunate like his serious gf cheating, him needing to move away, having strict parents that don't accept most women, etc.

No. 277378

>>277371
There's no such thing as doomed, but it definitely becomes more tough in you're 30s, especially if you don't want to settle for men with kids from previous relationships (as you shouldn't). On the upside, you can vet for men who haven't hit the wall at 25 or 30.

That said I personally wholeheartedly believe that a relationship is the cherry on top of an already fulfilling life (satisfying carreer, good social life with friends and family, hobbies) and not a requirement for a fulfilling life, so personally I experience little pressure to find a long term partner asap. Might be different if you want kids I guess.

No. 277385

Just want to sadpost my now-ex bf broke up with me (very respectfully) because he fell out of love with me- this preceded by him proposing to me less than a week ago- and having confessed to being in love with me within two weeks of conversation- and all of this relationship lasted only two months.
Nonnies he's very sweet and thoughtful but this behavior and outcome is bullet dodged right? Honestly thinking being friends is better. I will just miss being intimate with him very much. He was very comfy to me. I wish he hadn't raced ahead like this- and I also shouldn't have gone along with the speed he set either. I have trouble believing he loved me meaningfully.
I guess I could just use some reassurance about all this, feeling pretty low right now.

No. 277387

I’m missing my exes so badly right now. I’ve been single and celibate 7-8 months and everything is reminding me of them, from music to drinks to restaurants we used to visit. Is there any way to slam the door permanently on your past relationships, or is it always this painfully slow process of making peace with the people who have hurt you?

No. 277389

>>277385
He might've been temporary fun but that's definitely a bullet dodged.

No. 277390

>>277385
>proposed within a two month relationship
Nonnie you dodged a fucking nuke. That guy is unhinged

No. 277398

>>277385
You dodged one of the biggest bullets of your life, nonna, good job. It reminds me how my friends ex was threatning suicide if they don't marry because their brother got married.

No. 277399

>>277372
Those are all red flags tho. Dealing with shitty in-laws or a man who has been traumatized because his long term relationship failed due to cheating or death or whatever.

No. 277401

>>277399
Yeah I know those are redflags but the men who are still single by choice are worse from my personal experience. I've known a lot of chronic single men who are older and they'd treat women as objects for sex and think marriage is a scam for men. Most of them wouldn't even spend money on dates yet still try to sleep with women on the first date and pass STDS like a rat. The older a single man is, the more redflags he will have.

No. 277404

>>277401
Yeah thats true.

No. 277415

>>277378
Yeah I agree, they might have more baggage but you can vet for men that will keep their looks (and haven't become bitter with age).

I also don't want kids (or will adopt if I eventually do) and love my life as it is. A relationship would be the cherry on top but I think that'll come out of nowhere if I'm enjoying my life and having fun versus if I'm tearing my hair out trying to find a scrote on dating apps.

No. 277420

>>277415
Well its good you feel that way cause dating over 30 you will mostly find men who are looking to start a family ASAP or already have kids. Most men that age who don't have kids and don't want kids are of the "party forever and never grow up" variety. The kind that pick up a new chick at the bar every weekend.

No. 277425

>>277372
>>277399
How is someone having hardships in life a red flag?
In general yeah, the older you date the more baggage people will bring into your life, but so will you and as two mature adults you can support each other; and not approach it with incel-like mentality that it's all doomed and expired past certain age.

No. 277432

>>277420
>party forever and never grow up
Oh god, you again?

No. 277438

>>277420
how old are you? have you ever seen 30 year old men clubbing or “partying” irl or are you just guessing?

No. 277439

>>277420
Plenty of childfree people (incl males) who are over 30 are already sick to death of bars and clubs and wouldn't go near one unless dragged there for a very special occasion.

No. 277440

>>277385
>this behavior and outcome is bullet dodged right?
Absolutely. I wouldn't even try to be friends like you're planning.. he seems highly likely to suck you back in and end up repeating this.

I got proposed to after 3 months but we ended up going through with a wedding a year later. Then he ghosted 2 years into the marriage. The quick proposal was so flattering at the time.. lol. I know there's no perfect timeline but there's pacing that stands out as being insane and your ex fits that pretty well. Be careful.

No. 277444

>>277432
kek I thought the same thing

No. 277446

>>277398
>>277390
>>277389
Thanks nonnies, typing it out made me realize even more over the top he was being. In a way it's good it's over with, just need to process and move on.
>>277440
Ghosted in marriage? Sounds horrible, I'm really sorry you had to go through that. I hope things are better for you these days. I've definitely no intentions of getting back together with him- after all, how can I believe him ever again when he says he loves me? I don't want to perpetually live in anxiety of my partner's instability. But I do appreciate him as a person outside of the relationship- so I was thinking of giving it a tentative try as friends after I take some space for myself.

No. 277450

>>277438
NTA but there are a few clubs in my city with reputation of being "hunting grounds" for older scrotes trying to pick up young women, usually 30-40 year olds so it's not that uncommon really, just a very specific kind of moid in a specific kind of place you kinda have to know about.

No. 277461

>>277378
Hate to say something good about fucking moids, especially older fucking moids, but being a little older I can say it's true that a guy who reached his mid-30s looking good/neotenous is probably going to be a looker for a long time. If you're going to have a guy in his 30s, you better pick one of those.

No. 277462

>>277387
Yeah, get into a better relationship. No one knocking on your door?

No. 277608

>>277555
Its been a week. You're already crying and he's saying 'goodbye forever' even though you are 'his unicorn' Honestly anon, good riddance if shit is this extreme. Him actually sticking to his word and never contacting you again would be the best thing he can do for you. You blocking him everywhere would be the sanest thing you can do for yourself.

This is madness. Shit that gets this messy in the first week is never going to become a valuable friendship or a halfway acceptable relationship. He's not worth it.

No. 277667

not sure whether i should post this in the stupid questions thread instead because i feel really stupid tbh but here we go. i recently broke up from quite a short (not even 1 year) but very intense relationship and it was pretty much my fault. i feel like this was a right person, wrong time type of thing..
i think i have quite a lot of unprocessed traumas from childhood and the last 3 years were especially hard for me (lots of family issues and deaths among other things) and i've been dealing with depression and being suicidal on and off. i have this tendency to self-sabotage and push people away from me, even friends.
i don't think i ever hurt him too much, but i was often very harsh and cold with him, not really because i wanted to treat him bad but because i have absolutely no capacity to open up to others, especially not in such a short amount of time (i never opened up to him about my depression for example so i think he just thinks i'm a very moody person that gets agitated often lol it is something he brought up before). usually after arguments (when i tried to push him away) he would be the one to come back to me and try to make peace, but i feel like after last time he will not be coming back because it just happened so many times.
i just feel so awful because of how i treated him at times and i often think he deserves better, but i miss him a lot. if i didn't have all this mental shit we would be perfect for each other. we have the same values and goals in life and he's just an amazing, kind and strong person and i can't even imagine spending my life with someone else other than him. i know right now it's pretty much only up to me to try and fix things, but i'm afraid if i tried to contact him now i would just hurt him again. i do have one excuse to message him though, his birthday is coming up lol. i'm just really conflicted about what to do. should i try and salvage things or just send him a happy birthday text and see where things go? i don't know..
and yes, i am looking for a therapist now.

No. 278024

I mistakenly asked this in /ot/ but anyways:
Is it normal (edit: not a red flag) to say “I love you” when you just started dating someone? I dated a younger guy who immediately said I love you and when I was taken aback he said that it was because he “chooses” to love me. Normally I would have let the relationship develop and would wait to say it.

I feel like I already kind of know that his love wasn’t genuine love because actually this guy decided he didn’t wanna be with me after just two months over something dumb which doesn’t really seem like the sort of bond that actual “love” rests upon. Love would rest upon more of a commitment right? I’m trying to get my own answers but I’m not entirely certain of what love is because my only other relationship was extremely toxic (my commitment was strong to the point of having no boundaries or spine) hence I don’t have anything to really compare my most recent ex’s idea of “love” to.

No. 278026

>>278024
It's definitely a sign of immaturity, and while I'm not an expert on the subject either I feel like romantic love is for someone you know deeply on several levels, not on some mere shallow basis like physical attraction.

No. 278027

>>278024
The thing is everyone has a different idea of what "I love you" means, to the point where it almost means nothing unless you really know the person and their intentions. It could mean they actually love you and want to spend their life with you, it could mean they have fun being around you until things get difficult, it can mean they like sexing you, etc.
So never take those words at face value until you see actual commitment, effort, and loving actions from them over a long period of time. Especially when it's said so early in the relationship, they are probably just high from the excitement of meeting someone new and attractive.

No. 278029

>>278024
If he's young and/or inexperienced it's probably immaturity. If this is a guy well into adulthood, it could be a red flag.

No. 278049

I don't know how to not feel bad about this.

I'm with a great guy. I've never wanted to get married, but within 3 months he stated that he really wanted to marry me, that that was his intent. He still states this 3 years later. He regularly calls me his wife. He has told others publicly that he wants to marry me.

I don't want anything special, I want to elope. I don't like weddings. I don't like attention on me. He, on the other hand, has wanted a wedding, but he accepts I don't want one.

My thing is, we're still not married. It used to be "we'll get married when he graduates". Then he graduated. Then it become a thing of "once he gets a real full time job". This really broke me because it took him 3-4 years to graduate which was much longer than we initially expected. I tried to pull myself together. The difficult thing is, now I feel very hurt by this whole ordeal. I never even felt comfortable with marriage as a concept in the first place, but I basically tried to make myself excited because I knew this was a great guy and it makes sense for us to be partners.

Now he's committed to working at a relative's and sincerely learn their trade, but the catch is, he's always been working there, just part time. Now it is full time and he really is trying to learn the trade. He gave up on finding a job within his major and he has always being planning to go to grad school. Great, but now that he is really working for his relatives, nothing has been brought up regarding actually getting married though he always talks about it as if it will happen. It hurts my feelings a lot and I don't say anything because I feel like nothing good will come of it. I made a rule for myself that I'd never bring it up because of how badly I was affected by talking about it last time. He told me last time he didn't want it to be about waiting for him, he wants it to be a mutual decision. But I don't feel like it is that way. I have my shit together and I work and I graduated a year before him and I still go to school for fun and to accumulate credits in case I want a graduate degree in a different field than what I majored in. He does do the majority of the chores and such. But I just feel really hurt by this. I feel like by the time he does want us to get actually married, I'll do it, but I will definitely not be excited or happy because I'm over feeling this way. To make matters worse, it hurts my feelings (not his fault) that we have to hide my car payments because he cosigned and he states that he knows his parents won't like that. I have lived with them for a year and they've known me for the whole relationship, I went over every weekend before I lived here. It just makes me feel small and awful.

I don't know what to do or say. I feel like I'll go nuclear if I speak about it.

No. 278065

>>278049
Has he ever properly proposed to you? If he wants a traditional wedding you'd think he would propose traditionally too with a ring, on his knees and all that. It sounds to me like this guy is all bark and no bite, he is just using this "I want to marry you" thing to keep you around and make you think he is serious about the relationship without ever actually going for the commitment.

No. 278066

>>278065
I've explicitly stated I don't want a proposal or wedding, that I just want to elope. He knows that.

No. 278073

>>278066
What I don't get from your story is what's stopping you/him from eloping anytime soon? Why the wait? It's not like you need to save a lot of money for a big wedding so I can't think of why he'd still wanna wait for an undetermined period of time?

>I don't say anything because I feel like nothing good will come of it. I made a rule for myself that I'd never bring it up because of how badly I was affected by talking about it last time.

Not talking about it isn't bringing you much good either though.

No. 278085

>>278073
I still don't know.

I talked to him today about it and he apologized. He said it wasn't fair to me he kept on giving me a forecast and that he was foolish for doing it. But he didn't really say anything as to why we haven't married. Just that we need to consider what marriage would do for us and how things would be affected by it.

So basically, I need to wait longer for him to actually talk about that.

No. 278098

Boyfriend wants me to make friends, problem is I don't really want to? I can't tell if it's because I'm codependent or not because I used to not have any friends prior to meeting him anyways and felt fine with it. I'm leaning more towards not. I could agree I may be a bit clingy at times but I would prefer going back to how I was before him – happy with alone time – than making friends. And this is what I've been trying to do. I've tried making friends too for him but I can't. It also felt disingenuous. I've eased up the clinginess and my independence is almost at pre-relationship levels again. I'm really happy with this but he hasn't acknowledged it and keeps making this non-issue (no friends) a big deal. Should I consider making imaginary friends up? what if he asks to meet them later on or something?

No. 278106

>>278029
nta but what's considered "well into adulthood"?

No. 278108

>>278098
why does he even care if you have no friends… as long as you arent suffocating him, he really shouldn't care. sounds like he wants to meet new women through you lol…

No. 278111

>>278108
Anon said she 'eased up on clinginess' so that sounds like it's been an issue in the past, I couldn't blame him if he thought she needs friends outside of him even if she got it more under control.

Most people think everyone needs friends to function and be happy, I don't necessarily agree but I really doubt he's got sinister intentions for wanting her to have a social life.

No. 278119

File: 1658887321808.gif (944.05 KB, 500x281, hugz.gif)

>>277667
Nonny I could have written this myself. I hope it makes you feel less alone and dumb, I know I surely felt that way. My story has some different details but overall same issue. I'm still currently kinda trying to figure out how to mend our relationship. I haven't started therapy and probably will be a really long time until I do because I can't afford it atm but I'm doing the best with what I can. I used our anniversary as an excuse to reach out to him. These sorts of things take time so please be patient with yourself. What I do now, whenever I'm in a bad mood or feel it creeping up, instead of lashing out and running away, I take time for myself to watch movies or read, paint, meditate, dance and sing along, just anything to keep me grounded. Find something similar to anchor you. It could be a hobby or it could be something simple like with me. You can't just cease doing whatever bad thing you're currently doing is overnight though. You will feel lost, because whether you realize it or not that thing you're doing is a maladaptive coping mechanism that provides you comfort, especially if you're depressed like you say you are. So, find a healthy way cope to replace it with. It's not fool-proof but it helps a bit. It also helps tremendously that he's very understanding and believes in me. Acknowledge everything you said in your post to him including that you're looking into therapy, it'll be a sign of good faith to him. It'll help him understand you. Also, if you were anything like me during the relationship and you're able to get him back, start practicing gratitude for him. Thank him for the ways he has supported you and/or earned your trust, etc. in the past and going forward. It goes a long way in nourishing and revitalizing a relationship. It seems like a no-brainer but I know for those not in the right mindset it might be more difficult than normal. Whatever you decide your path forward or outcome is, congratulations nonetheless in recognizing your own shortcomings and working to overcome them; not alot of people feel comfortable owning up to them so it's admirable you did!

No. 278127

I love my husbando but I’m so fucking bored of listening to things about the video game called ark. I do not care about it. It’s a game. We have so many other interests but he’s talked about nothing else since getting an Xbox. He knows it’s bothering me because he’s acknowledged how sick of it I am. Next sentence he says is about some raptor.

I get having special interests, but damn, I stoped talking about most of mine when he got annoyed by it.

No. 278140

>>278127
When you are referring to your actual husband who is a real person, don't add the o at the end…

No. 278143

>>278127
Is this a real relationship or some youtube letsplayer that you are obsessed with? If it's a real relationship then you are being an asshole, let him enjoy things and talk about them. Part of being a good partner is to listen to your partner talk about their special interests, even if you don't care about them you should at least pretend to care cause it makes him happy. He probably doesn't care about everything you tell him either.

No. 278156

>>278143
Real husband. Typo because my autocorrect is full of retarded shit.

Am I really the asshole if he literally brings it up 14 times a day and squashes other conversations to discuss the Dino’s? If it was once or twice a day I’d be happy to just smile and listen but smiling and listening to thirty plus minutes of it a day is wearing me down. If he’d just space it out with other shit I’d be content to let him bang on about it but it’s more than ten times a day every day..


I know he doesn’t like stuff I like because I have stopped discussing anything he said he found annoying.

If I talk about our other interests he just drags it back to dinosaurs.

-I found a really cool rock at work today babe, I think it’s citrine…
Oh cool I dig some of that up on ark when I was looking for some dinosaur..


-It’s a nice day how about we go work on the patio?
Nah I wanna finish building the seventeenth base in ark

- baby look I named this dinosaur a pun!

-This episode reminds me of thing from ark!


-Holy shit honey our state minister wants to outlaw abortions I am worried..

Awww that sucks come look at this baby dinosaur on vidya

Nothing is unrelated. It’s the first thing he talks about in the morning and the last thing he mentions before sleep.

No. 278159

>>278156
no you're not the asshole ffs.

No. 278160

>>278156
NTAYRT but have you told him bluntly that you can't handle it? My bf talks for fucking days and I talked to him about it finally because I ended up being resentful of how long he talks at times. We decided I can just tell him I am reaching my listening capacity and he won't be upset. The key here is that he fully admits he talks a lot (this fact made me even more angry tbh. if he knows it's excessive, why does he keep doing it?) so he is not offended when I tell him to stop. It's just the way he is and I love him so I accept it as part of his personality. He just really loves competition and telling me all about it. I wouldn't want it to be anyone else that he comes to. This anon >>278143 made the point nicely.
>Part of being a good partner is to listen to your partner talk about their special interests, even if you don't care about them you should at least pretend to care cause it makes him happy. He probably doesn't care about everything you tell him either.

No. 278161

>>278156
Double posting but does he also ignore your obvious cues that you're getting restless? Why do men

No. 278162

>>278161
Literally says ~I know you’re so sick of hearing about it but today thing on ark happened with this breed of dinosaur and this breed and this breed and this specific piece of equipment!

But won’t hesitate to let me know he’s sick of my interests and that I annoy his friends with them.

No. 278164

>>278162
Ew nonny. Dump him, this is a symptom of a much bigger problem.

No. 278165

>>278160
Told him, he acknowledged it and went back to vidya talk five minutes afterwards and ignores that I don’t ask questions or engage with it beyond listening and saying “mhmm..ok..oh wow crazy..uhhuh”

It’s as if he prefers this to having actual conversation.

No. 278166

>>278156
Holy shit I would throw myself out of the window if I had to hear my partner sperg non stop about their special interest. I get being autistic and wanting to share your passions but him not respecting you is a clear sign he doesn't care about you either.

No. 278167

>>278166
He’s not even the autistic one in the relationship.

It’s a new thing since he got the stupid Xbox and I was happy he was happy at first but he’s gotten obsessed. Still goes to work and shit, just wont stop listing dinosaur breeds and shit like I’m super into the game as well.
For nine years he’s been totally normal and a great conversationalist. Idk wtf has gotten into him.

No. 278169

>>278167
>For nine years he’s been totally normal and a great conversationalist.
What about this tho?
>But won’t hesitate to let me know he’s sick of my interests and that I annoy his friends with them.
He sounds like a prick.

No. 278170

>>278169
I’d rather not throw away nine years of very happy living over raptors and mosasaurs, and imo it’s more normal and healthy to solve a minor problem than bail as soon as I struggle.
I wanna know why someone smart and curious would become so goddamn obtuse over a month of playing video game, not file for divorce

No. 278172

>>278170
I feel you but if he doesn't give a fuck about your interests and he goes out of the way to tell you how his friends feel negatively about you then like, what the fuck. Anyways my advice still stands: talk about it (again?) and set boundaries. Otherwise you're gonna go insane or start to resent him like I did with my nigel. Good luck!!

No. 278173

>>278170
Sounds like he's the one ready to throw away his relationship over pixel dinosaurs. At some point you're going to have to tell him point blank that you don't give a shit about his game and that he needs to make some effort, it's just going to get worse if you let it slide like that.

No. 278174

>>278170
Like >>278173 said stop taking his bs and demand effort.

No. 278178

>>278167
If not autistic he's a narcissistic retard (more than most males) and has zero self-awareness (like most males)

No. 278191

>>278108
>>278111
Yeah that was so out there. Thank you. I should add it's more likely he's insecure. He told me way early on sometimes he thought I only liked him because I had no friends. It was hard explaining how I knew that wasn't the case because the evidence against (no friends) is pretty damning but I think he got it which is why I didn't mention it initially. I think it's genuine concern now though

No. 278203

>>278106
Over 25 imo

No. 278206

>>278191
you're delusional. it's more likely that he wants to meet other women through you than "uwu he's forcing me to have friends because he thinks i like him only because i don't".

No. 278207

>>278203
I would say 30s

No. 278224

>>278206
You're being pedantic. Ultimately it doesn't matter which of those is more likely because it's most likely neither. My initial question was if I should fake having friends anyways. You're welcome to try again, otherwise please stop the unhingement.

No. 278236

>>278156
bf sounds literally like a dream man, who the fuck hates dinosaurs? Ark is a great game too, I wish my bf would play multiplayer dinosau games with me. You shouldn't date an autistic moid if you don't like the way they get obsessed over their interests.

No. 278242

Does anyone have more deets on that guy who has relationships with multiple farmers? Why does he put ">"? After random shit? Who does he think he is? Really tired of seeing screencaps of him on discord with no context

No. 278246

>>278242
Do you mean Steven anon? The incel who thinks his long hair hides his five head?

No. 278249

>>278246
Is this his name? He went by Tim according to one farmer and then a few other names. He gives out a lot of fake info about himself but an anon that knew him irl only gave out his location and place of work but never actually confirmed his name. I never seen a picture of him though

No. 278254

File: 1658942529990.png (93.48 KB, 254x244, C5DF1806-1E7A-4A3E-8E3D-4172EB…)

>>278249
His name if he’s who I think he is is Steven Micheal. He’s Romanianons ex. Pic related.

No. 278256

>>278254
>>/r9k/ incel and failed Reiko clone
>>enters Lolcow and CC friend finder threads to find and groom his "ideal woman", catfishes as a fellow woman for 10 days before admitting to being a male and sending links to MGTOW articles
>>massive attention whore with extreme mental issues, rages at any/all internet girlfriends and threatens to doxx them/leak their nudes for breaking up with him, tries to have them cut his name into their skin
>>/pol/tard but supports trannies and hates women, jews and black people
>>bitches about "modern women" all day and self-victimizes because he has no gf
>>sends other incels and pick-mes from his Discord server to post about him on Lolcow and defend him

No. 278260

File: 1658943858934.jpg (5.21 KB, 176x286, images(1).jpg)


No. 278268

>>278170
Reading through all your replies I'm just left with the impression that he's mentally checked out from you and this relatively new obsession is a handy way of escaping his reality rn because he's not all that happy in it. Because it's one thing to sperg about a game or a hobby or to be obsessive about it but he's not listening to you when you try to talk about real life? the game is eclipsing you talking about very real world problems. That's usually a pretty definite marker for the death of a relationship.

No. 278269

>>278254
Not him. The dude was supposedly half Arab and had a huge racial complex. That's bizarre there's multiple moids doing this though

No. 278271

>>278269
Ah I’ll keep an ear down anon if I see anything about that one. Yeah Steven had done it for years.

No. 278277

>>278268
Maybe he just really likes dinosaurs

No. 278280

I'm seriously depressed after watching Bryan Dechart and his wife stream because they are so cute, meanwhile my own relationship is so devoid of affection right now. I mean it's fun to hang out with him but there are some fundamental differences in what we want and time keeps passing and I hope that one day it will be different, but I don't think it will. But if I wonder if I'll ever have a wholesome relationship I just get hit by this intense feeling that I won't because I'm not worth it and I have nothing to give. I don't even think I'm that bad, I have interests and hobbies, I have a degree and working on a second one that I really like, I'm chill and men tend to find me attractive, but I had so many bad experiences I don't believe I can find someone who actually just wants to hang out with me and like me instead of having stupid fantasies of being with multiple women or cheating or being emotionally unavailable. I mean I know what you see online is just a small part of reality but after around 4 years of getting hurt and dismissed it's just kind of shocking to see something so different, like oh it can be like this?

No. 278282

>>278085
I guess he wants to start more of his other career stuff first.

Idk. I just feel like shit. I don't know what to do. I never cared for marriage before him and then it became something for me. I just want to cry all day and I feel so duped. He is hurt and keeps on saying how much he loves and sacrifices for me, which he has, and he keeps on asserting he loves me, but I just don't understand why he would say stuff like that to me.

No. 278290

>>278282
So finally I got it out of him that it's my issues. I'm very neurotic and such.

I don't know how to feel. I feel like I've never been good at my relationship even though I try, but it's like, I don't want pity because I'm so wretched and evil I deserve it.

No. 278294

>>278290
Why is getting married so important to you in a first place?

No. 278295

>>278294
I guess he told me early on he wanted to marry me and it became this symbol to me. I understand I'm probably not ready for marriage by any stretch. I wish I was worthy enough. I wish I was a much better person. I'm sober. I've tried to change a lot of my issues and have succeeded in some. But I just have a lot of them.

No. 278297

>>278295
What are your issues? did he mention anything? if not, then it seems like a cop-out and a way to blame you for him getting cold feet. It happens

No. 278298

>>278297
It's hard for me to say because I feel like I don't view reality correctly. I am super neurotic. I thought I was over my paranoia, I mean, I trust him. That's why this marriage thing has hurt me so much. But he thinks I'm still paranoid and doubtful. I said this whole thing makes me feel unloved and he sperged about how it should be impossible for me to feel that way because of all he does for me. I don't actually believe he doesn't love me, but I just felt that way and I asserted it was just a feeling but it still upset him.

No. 278299

>>278297
My other question is that if it is cold feet, and in any case, whether it is because of me or not, how do I proceed? I feel so beat down because of this. He is adamant how he wants to be with me. I don't know how to move on from this if we are going to stay together.

No. 278311

>>278299
Nta but personally I think 3 years of knowing someone is a little early to consider marriage, that being said he has been stringing you along saying he would marry you and keeps moving the goal post to when that would be. Now he's blaming YOU and giving you reasons you're not "wife material" or whatever, that is such bullshit and if his commitment comes with the condition of you changing that's not someone you should enter into a marriage with. Because times will always get tough sooner or later even if your relationship is perfect and when that happens our worst traits will start to come out. I know it's cliche but seriously if he can't handle you at your worst, he is not the one you should be marrying. The right partner will not waver in his commitment when you're being neurotic. He should help you through those moments and be understanding, not demand changes.

No. 278324

>>278311
That's good perspective. It's hard - my brother is still happily married to his wife who he married at a year and a half after dating. My parents, it took them 7 years. It's hard to know "when", I feel like my perspective is screwed because of how early he talked about it. I wish he just didn't say anything. I agree I have things to work on, but it's just difficult, feeling like I am trying to be a certain way for him. But anyway. I guess I'll give it some more time. He does seem to love me a lot based upon his other actions and words.

No. 278328

My bf is great but his mother is driving me insane. She has weaponized helplessness and demands my bf give her rides everywhere multiple times a week, even to places in easy walking distance, and she's in shape and able bodied so there is no excuse for it. I'm certain she's just lonely and using it as an excuse to demand attention. Our city has amazing transit, and his mother lives only a few blocks away from me and it's a very walkable neighborhood, I walk to all the places she demands a ride to. He keeps canceling dates with me because he's exhausted from driving her around all the time. And he told me this is AFTER he's ALREADY set boundaries with her. I'm getting really fed up with it. Learn to fucking say no. Just say no, say you already have plans. I'm tired of being put last. I've been going out with him for 2 years and he's responsive when I ask him to improve on something, so I don't want to dump him, but I've spoken with him about this before and it keeps happening.

I don't speak to my parents and am not sure what a healthy relationship with your mother looks like, so I'm second guessing myself a bit, but it's pretty out of line to cancel a date with your gf to take your mother to a grocery store she can walk to, isn't it?

No. 278329

>>278029
>>278027
>>278026
Thanks anons, appreciate the responses.

>>278256
>>/pol/tard but supports trannies and hates women, jews and black people
Oh god, we all know where this is headed ladies…

No. 278333

>>278328
He's probably fucking his mom. Sorry anon

No. 278348

>>278295
>>278324
You don't have to get married because your brother is married. Yoh don't have to be married in order to have a trusting and good relationship. Wake the hell up.3 years of knowing is also too early for something as big as the marriage. Just because your brother had it this way, doesn't mean you should. You also do not know what is actually going on in their relationship either. You seem like a person who keeps thinking that life is a race or some shit.

No. 278349

>>278269
that twitcher guy? I know who you're talking about. he claimed to be multiple different races over the course of years, said some shit like "I'm filipino, lebanese, spanish, french, brit, japanese, etc because I have race traitor parents", then later claimed to be %100 asian then claimed he was just "a weird race" and brit. would obsess about races and would fixate on how his ex was japanese. he was also extremely stupid and sent me a screenshot of his Skype to show me something but luckily forgot to crop out the side which included a list of girls he was talking to who I messaged and found out more info on and he attempted to join discord to groom farmers some more. should we create a separate thread to discuss these predator fucks? It seems like there's already at least 3 of them and I don't wanna shit up the thread

No. 278351

>>278328
you're not his priority, either for reasons he doesn't care about you enough or his mother is manipulative and he doesn't know how to stand up for himself. how long have you been dating this guy?
>>278324
anon, are you afraid of taking risks? if you really want to get married, if you feel like marriage will symbolize something deeper for you, jump on the train with him and tell him you want to get married to him. don't keep it one sided and have him tug you along. my bf and i established we had our imagination running with visions of us being married and having kids within weeks of the beginning of our relationship. maybe a retarded thing to do, but it helps give us the idea we really want our relationship to work out and communicate effeciently. if it's a long term thing you want and not just a few years, he's going to treat marriage like low priority thing to reconsider often if you're not estatic at least a little bit. do you talk about a distant future together, like getting a place together or just buying little things here and there to share with each other?

No. 278352

>>278298
He's blaming putting off marrying on your paranoia/doubts, am I understanding this right?

No. 278371

>>278311
3 years is perfectly fine for considering marriage. The average length of relationship before marriage is 2-5 years. Honestly we don't know anon or her boyfriend, so it's really stupid to judge this situation. Maybe she really is batshit insane and he wants her to work on her mental health first before committing to her forever, I think that's pretty reasonable. "For better or for worse" doesn't mean that you start off with the "for worse" part. Usually you want to start off a marriage in good times…

No. 278374

>>278371
Marriage after 3 years is only acceptable if you've been living together the whole time. Regardless, we do not even know anons or her boyfriends age. If both are young, it makes sense if her boyfriend would want to just keep being her boyfriend. Life is big and there are so many things you can experience and do in your 20s instead of instantly getting married. It seems like anon is too afraid of losing him or something.

No. 278377

>>278371
>Honestly we don't know anon or her boyfriend, so it's really stupid to judge this situation.
You're not wrong but that can be said for literally any post itt.

No. 278381

>>278377
Well it's easier to judge a specific situation like "My boyfriend forgot my birthday, how do I tell him I am upset?" than to judge an entire relationship, which you have to be able to do to determine weather he is correct about being apprehensive about getting married or not.

No. 278388

>>278351
>how long have you been dating this guy?
Nta but she said 2 years in her post

No. 278396

Is it wrong to have sex with a guy if he's not your boyfriend? Am I ruining a possible relationship by doing this?
I'm having sex regularly with a guy friend. We hang out a few times a week. Usually we cook together, have sex, cuddle, and go out for a walk or to do some activity together. We kiss too, even outside sex. We've talked about eventually dating, which is fine with me.
Does this mean he actually likes me? He doesn't act like other guys who have been attracted to me. He's very casual about it, he doesn't seem desperate for my affection or attention. I like the way he is, I like that we can be actual friends, but I wonder if what we do means anything to him. Or if he's even interested in me. He strokes my hair and makes me compliments, but I don't know if he means it. I asked him what he thinks and he said that he likes me, and that he likes the sum of us and what we're building, and that he wants to eventually date.
But then a friend of mine told me that I shouldn't sleep with him or do "girlfriend things" if I'm not his girlfriend because that means he will not feel the need to compromise, and that he will keep using me for sex. This made me feel insecure. I don't think it's true that all guys want low compromise sex, and that all women hate sex and only do it to keep their men. It seems ridiculous. I enjoy having sex with him, that's why I do it. Now I feel like I'm not manipulating him enough into dating me. I doubt he's using me, but now I can't get that idea out of my head.
For context I've never been in a relationship before, and he and I are both 20.

No. 278397

>>278396
Really depends on the guy. It is possible to have a stable relationship with men you have sex with before you get into a relationship but very unlikely. Also a lot of men who do this blur the line between "female friends" and potential hookups since they usually don't have any boundaries with other women and are likely to cheat. There's 9/10 chance he's doing this with other women or has some LDR girl that he's "waiting for" and that's why he doesn't want to be in an actual relationship

No. 278399

>>278396
Do you WANT to date him? That makes all the difference.

No. 278400

>>278397
He's not having sex with other girls, he'd tell me if he was. Although he said he wants to fuck one of his male friends, which I don't mind. They haven't done it yet, though.
I don't know if he wants to be in a relationship or not.
>>278399
Yes, I want to date him. I just don't know how to handle it.

No. 278410

>>278351
I think it's his mom, he's vented to me about her before. I'm not sure exactly what is wrong with her but she's always had serious issues and has refused therapy. I just need him to tell her that if we already has plans with me, he will honor his obligation, and his needy mother will not starve to death waiting 1 more day for a ride to the grocery store, or she can take the bus or walk or pay for a lyft like anyone else. We've been going out 2 years and this happens every few months. It's nice that he loves his mother but I personally have zero patience with dysfunctional grown adults who weaponize helplessness because they're lonely and too 'tistic to make friends. Apparently she has always been really annoying and demanding and stubborn. She has literally 4 grocery stores in walking distance of her apartment and still demands rides everywhere. She's just manipulating him into keeping her company because she has no life.

I've only met her once and that was by accident. I think to some degree he's protecting me from the crazy. But I need him to keep his dates and be able to tell his mother he already has plans. I've spoken with him about it before, he understands and agrees with me, but still won't do it.

I want to feel like I am his priority.

No. 278411

>>278400
>he said he wants to fuck one of his male friends, which I don't mind
kek, enjoy your monkeypox and AIDS while you hook up with this guy who also fucks men with no commitment to you whatsoever. Sounds like a real dream.

No. 278412

>>278400
You sound naive. Many men convince people up and down they aren't fucking others but they are. Definitely keep an eye on the LDR thing though. I knew multiple men who would have flings, "platonic" and fuck buddy relationships, etc with women while having a long distance girlfriend they actually want to marry and stuff

No. 278413

>>278411
We use a condom and I don't really mind if he fucks other people. It's really none of my business.
I'm bisexual, too. I don't mind that he likes men.
>>278412
I don't think he'd lie to me about it because there's no reason to lie. I wouldn't mind if he were with someone else. He doesn't have a gf. I thinkd I'd known at this point, I know his phone's password. I think he'd just be honest about it. We're pretty open.

No. 278414

>>278413
>I don't really mind if he fucks other people.
>I'm bisexual, too. I don't mind that he likes men.
fuck outta here retard

No. 278415

>>278411
Also, we do have commitment and emotional responsibility. We're not exclusive, but that doesn't mean there's no commitment. We're good friends, have been for a decade. Friends are committed, too.

No. 278416

>>278413
>>278415
You sound a bit naïve to be this trustful, haven't you lurked the other threads to see how men lie about everything?

No. 278418

>>278417
>I don't like monogamy.
like i said: fuck outta here retard

No. 278419

>>278416
I trust him. I wouldn't have sex with someone I don't trust. And he has given me zero reasons to be distrustful, as I'm aware of where he is and what he does most of the time. I know who he has a crush on or who he's been with. He's a good friend, above anything else.
>>278414
What?
I don't like monogamy. If polygamy doesn't work for you, that doesn't mean it won't work for me. I have different standards for a relationship. It isn't evil or retarded to prefer other type of arrangements, as long as things are being talked and there's honesty.

No. 278420

>>278419
>I don't like monogamy
>For context I've never been in a relationship before

No. 278421

Ah yes, another episode of "a bunch of people who don't even have a relationship with one person sperg out over the idea that someone could have relationships with multiple people"

No. 278422

>>278420
Do you realize those are not contradictory statements, right?
I see no point in jealousy, and I've avoided dating so far because most people are very jealous and possessive.

No. 278424

I’ve never seen an attractive person in a polygamous relationship ever

No. 278425

>>278413
Snoop then sis. Men who are hesitant to get into an official relationship are often hiding something

No. 278426

>>278424
*polyamorous, they weren’t getting married

No. 278427

>>278424
Most people in open relationships keep it quiet unless they're dangerhaired tumblr types who want to make it their whole identity. You probably have friends who are open unless your circle is super conservative/prudish and have no clue they're open.

No. 278429

>>278421
My bad for asking for advice in lolcow, of all places.
Joke's on them becauase I have a crush on someone else, and I'd like to bring them into my existing fwb arrangement (if they'd like it, of course.)
>>278424
Being ugly is not a crime or has any moral value, retard.
>>278425
That's not quite the issue here.
>>278427
I second this. A lot of people I know have these sorts of arrangements and it is just fine. I'd rather talk about it than being cheated on. Monogamous people seem to get cheated on quite often, I wonder why…

No. 278431

>>278413
Condoms won't prevent you from getting monkeypox. Honestly sounds like you kind of deserve them tho. I couldn't even imagine being as disgusting as having sex with a man who also puts his penis into other mens dirty anuses (with guaranteed no condom), then he probably sucks them off afterwards and then goes to kiss you with that mouth. Vile.

No. 278432

>>278417
>puts his penis into other mens dirty anuses (with guaranteed no condom), then he probably sucks them off afterwards and then goes to kiss you with that mouth
why are you visualizing this, let alone typing this out you weirdo. is it some fetish thing? it reads as if you wrote it with one hand

No. 278433

>>278432
Common bisexual male practises. How do you think women get AIDS?

No. 278434

>>278433
i have no dog in this argument, all i'm saying is that's a weird level of detail and you seem creepily fixated on the imagery

No. 278435

>>278434
I'd rather kms than ever fuck a bisexual man. It's truly degenerate and disgusting, but what else can you expect from a poly-fag? Enjoy your STDs.

No. 278436

>>278435
i don't know if you're just pretending to be retarded or what but i'm very clearly a different anon and i only wanted to make fun of you for your obsession with post-unwashed-anal-blowjobs erotica

No. 278437

>>278436
Sure you are. That's why you're so upset about it. And why you're the only poster not saging their posts.

No. 278438

>>278436
t. AIDS candidate

No. 278439

>>278437
>saging on non-cow boards
and no one's upset at you, you're just as gross as the polyfag

No. 278441

>>278431
Found the fujoshit.

No. 278445

Kinda freaky how the most effective dating strategy for me has proven to be straight up ignoring, texting way too late and acting uninterested…
The moment I reciprocate their energy, it's over. The fuck. It's the same with douchebags, with nice guys, early twenties, over thirty, honestly every guy I flirted with or dated was like this. Their brains are broken. Sad is that when I get to like them I actually want to be sweet, I don't wanna play shitty games. Dating sucks.

No. 278446

>>278396
Are you guys being tested regularly? Do you know if he's into more extreme sex, or fetishes?

No. 278459

>>278422
NTA, but then what's the issue? seriously what is your concern? why should you care about him possibly not wanting a relationship with you? What kind of arrangement do you really want? because to me it sounds like that is really it. This is all there will be to your relationship. You can always ask him to call you his girlfriend i guess? and if he hesitates tell him you're literally that, a girl and a friend. Would that make you happy? pathetic

No. 278462

Non-heterosexuality is a blessing for women. Imagine wasting it getting your feathers ruffled over a faggot.

No. 278466

>>278435
Me too. I wouldnt touch somebody who takes it up the ass, male or female

No. 278475

>>278446
Yes, we get tested. No, we don't have fetishes. Just vanilla sex and cuddling.
>>278459
What's pathetic?
The type of arrangement that I want is that the two of us, plus another guy, have a relationship of three people. The guy in question is our crush, and the guy seems to be into the two of us.
I don't really care what he calls me, the title doesn't change how the relationship actually works.

No. 278494

>>278475
Your communitcation skills could use some brushing up then, your op makes you sound butthurt about the position you've put yourself in.

No. 278503

>>278475
Tinfoiling you're just here to brag about being poly as a means to cope with the situation

No. 278520

As a dependent/anxious attachment person how do I break things off? I've never successfully broken up with a guy even though I've tried, it's only when he breaks it off with me I'm nearly relieved and it stays.

He has a kid who won't be introduced to me yet (I agree). We were on the balcony and he suddenly asked me to get inside, turns out he thought his kid was coming. On one hand I get it, on the other it was humiliating, was there really no better way to handle that?

On top of that he's been treating me gradually less respectfully. Because I ultimately stay it's been getting worse I think, just by tiny bits.

For example, I'm on my period and yesterday he asked for a blowjob outright and apologised a lot once he saw my face of disdain. In terms of oral its always been hugely in my favor, rarely I'd ask if he wants one and he'd say only if you want to, but the precedent is that he never asks, only if I've offered it a lot that night or something.

Maybe these examples don't seem egregious but it's been near a year and he's been so careful and eager to please that those examples felt like a shock to the system. For the balcony thing I walked out of his apartment immediately.

But I can't help but keep thinking of the potential of it getting better. I don't know, it's so difficult for me.

No. 278522

>>278520
Have some conviction. You don't owe him a "good enough" reason to break it off. You not being happy is a good enough reason. Tell him it's not working for you and you don't want to see him anymore, and stop seeing him. Don't overcomplicate it by listing reasons why, because that gives him an opportunity to say "but I'll change!" or "but you're not perfect either!" and pressure you back into a situation you don't want to be in. Block his number if he becomes irate, but I imagine if he's still hiding you from his family he won't put up a fight.

No. 278527

>>278520
How is asking for a blowjob disrespectful when you're in a relationship? It's not like he's your college professor, he's your boyfriend.

Either way, just tell him you don't have feelings for him anymore and don't want to see him anymore, there's nothing he can do about that.

No. 278531

>>278520
>I've never successfully broken up with a guy even though I've tried
What do you mean by this? As in you wanted to break things up but because of your anxious attachment issues you couldn't bring yourself going through telling him you're breaking up? Or were you "refused" and convinced to stay when you told him you wanted to break up? Or something else entirely? I don't quite get from your post exactly what the problem is.

No. 278534

>>278527
Because the whole premise of our sexual behavior is we only do stuff if we want to, I've told him before that asking puts me off, plus he said just for 5 minutes, as if it's a service to bargain for. It gave me the ick, I hate it when men ask for sexual favors.

>>278531
I try actually break up then backtrack, or think about it and cling closer. It always fills me with fear to actually do it.

>>278522
Thank you, it's good advice to keep in mind. When I say dependent I mean I think to a severe degree, like I think it's mental illness. When I'm coupled and my partner treats me nicely I feel good about myself, but if he treats me not so nicely I feel bad as in I'm a bad person, my self esteem is closely tied to his perception of me. God forbid I ever get with an actual abuser. So breaking it off really truly feels like killing off a part of me.

To be honest walking out yesterday is the most assertive thing I've maybe ever done, usually I'd start prepping to go then tell him I'm annoyed and stay and rationalise. I'm even questioning if it was shitty. I think it was, in no circumstances should you tell your partner to hide, right? I mean I'm not sure if I'll be leaving the country come November so I do get it, but ugh.

No. 278544

>>278534
>Because the whole premise of our sexual behavior is we only do stuff if we want to, I've told him before that asking puts me off, plus he said just for 5 minutes, as if it's a service to bargain for. It gave me the ick, I hate it when men ask for sexual favors.
That's pretty strange honestly. Who the hell ever feels in the mood to give a blowjob? Oral sex is something you do for your partner, you don't get anything out of it yourself. It's something you do because you love your partner and want to make them happy or because they are horny and you can't have sex for reasons like being on your period. I think it's a pretty immature view on relationships to think that you can never ask for sexual favors. By your rules men can never initiate sexual activity cause you might not be in the mood for it. You're gonna have a real hard time having a normal relationship if you're this weird about sex.

No. 278553

>>278544
>Who the hell ever feels in the mood to give a blowjob? Oral sex is something you do for your partner, you don't get anything out of it yourself. It's something you do because you love your partner and want to make them happy or because they are horny and you can't have sex for reasons like being on your period.
Nta but that is not how everyone feels about oral sex. What kind of fucked up view is this? Don't do things in bed if they are purely a favor and you don't genuinely get even a lil enjoyment from it

No. 278558

>>278520
The oral thing, I've always been turned off when outright asked for one but I do enjoy doing it of my own volition when the mood strikes me. I've learnt to let bfs know that. They can drop hints or subtley test the waters but something about them outright asking is a mood killer. You're not on your own in that way. I strongly disagree with the anon saying that oral is something you just do for bfs because of your period. An attitide like that will turn oral into more and more of a chore over time.

>dependent/anxious attachment style

>he has a kid
Probably saving yourself a rollercoaster of emotions by getting out now.

No. 278559

I don’t know if this is more of a vent or what. Recently, I have been seeing/dating this guy. He’s really great in so many ways. We have the same taste in music, doesn’t want kids, he doesn’t like hookup culture, has never been to a bar or strip club, pro-choice, works out, not terminally online, and hates the trans agenda. He’s cute in a lot of ways too.
What bugs me is that he is so socially awkward? It’s like he’s stunted or something. I almost wonder if he’s autistic, but I don’t want to ask. He’s not always emotionally available if I want to vent (although he makes an effort). He also just has no idea how to be sexy, any time I flirt he sort of dodges it and doesn’t know how to respond. Also, despite him being the much older one, he only works part-time jobs, while I already have a career going. I dunno, I feel like I hit the jackpot and I do have attraction for him, but he’s just such a tease and it gets a little annoying. He’s sweet and all, but immature and so socially awkward in conversation sometimes. I guess you have to have trade-offs in any relationship though, I’ve never met a guy that had such good values before.

No. 278562

>>278559
You say he's much older but what are your ages?

No. 278563

>>278553
The enjoyment is from pleasing your partner and watching them enjoy it. I mean there are no nerve endings giving you pleasure in your mouth obviously.

If you only ever give oral sex when you are "in the mood for it" then.. well I guess it explains why so many men complain about never receiving it. When you're feeling horny you might as well have proper sex. In my opinion oral sex is for when only one partner feels in the mood and the other doesn't want to have proper sex or can't due to menstruation or health reasons. And for foreplay of course, but I don't really count it if it's not to completion. I don't mind doing things for my boyfriend that mostly benefit him since he does the same for me if I ask for it. I also would rather he come to me and ask if I am up for it than go jerk off to porn, but I guess that's not everyone.

No. 278565

>>278559
He sounds autistic and almost asexual. Which of course is not a thing in men, he probably just has a really weird fucked up fetish like he masturbates to trains wearing diapers or something stupid like that.

No. 278567

>>278553
>Don't do things in bed if they are purely a favor and you don't genuinely get even a lil enjoyment from it
got it, so i should never let my gf eat me out

No. 278568

>>278559
>semi-autistic
>hates hookup culture, bars and strip clubs
well, there you go. this is the trade-off you gotta make when dating men, it's very rare for a "normie" type of guy to have these same values. the trick is, this guy probably doesn't hate hookup culture for the same reasons you do, he's probably just bitter he doesn't get to participate in it/an incel. so the question is, do you want a guy you can autistically rant about your online beefs with troons to or a guy who you can actually take out to places, introduce to friends and family and not be embarrassed about?

No. 278569

>>278563
The more you go into detail the less I agree kek. But I think what we agree on is that you should give oral only when you want to.

Yeah it's just such a strange take to me. If I want to give oral I'll offer. If I'm not offering, he knows I don't want to. And yeah I'd give oral if I'm not in the mood but had the desire to make him happy, but I think no way should he ask me it. It'd be like him walking up to me and asking hey can you make me dinner? It's rude af

No. 278573

>>278568
>hating hook-up culture and strip clubs is a red flag
Nta but I don't get it, it's not like this is mandatory to like these things, if I had to date a man hopefully he would not participate in this kind of things.

No. 278574

>>278562
I’m 25, he’s 31. We’ve both been out of a relationship for a year.
>>278565
Not asexual, since he’s had 2 long-term girlfriends before me. I had to really pull the sex conversation out of him and even then it was brief. However, both of his exes cheated on him and while I know cheating is always wrong (it sucks and it’s what happened in my last relationship), I can’t help but wonder if it’s because he wasn’t satisfying them.
>>278568
He seems adept enough to want to go on walks and visit public gyms? But yeah, he did tell me he doesn’t visit bars because people “are aggressive”. I’m not a drinker anyways.

We’ve only been seeing eachother for around 2 weeks now, so maybe things will change. Maybe he is just really slow when it comes to anything romantic? It just feels so middle-school sometimes with how he talks to me, but he’s nice. I’ve had too many experiences with fuckboys that are more forward, so this is just very different.

No. 278576

>>278573
you could not have misread this worse if you tried
it's not that it's a red flag, it's just that it's not a green flag either because moids will hate these things for moid reasons, not the same ones we do. so don't see it as some sort of a saving grace when it's accompanied by turbo autism.

No. 278578

>>278576
Meh I'm a turbo autist myself, it wouldn't bother me that much anyway.

No. 278579

>>278578
And honestly I think it’s because he was raised by his mother (who now has a wife of her own). He had an abusive father that left early. Maybe there’s incel reasons but I think it’s just because he was raised with mostly women.

No. 278582

>>278579
>>278578
NTA but this just sounds like he's going to troon out. It's not uncommon for MTF troons to have an anti-troon phase before trooning.

No. 278584

>>278563
>If you only ever give oral sex when you are "in the mood for it" then.. well I guess it explains why so many men complain about never receiving it
Is it honestly a foreign concept to you that some people do get horny for going down on their partner and that it can be an enthusiastic act for both? That it's not a service act to everyone and you can initiate it and get off on it as the giver too?
>When you're feeling horny you might as well have proper sex.
Sometimes you just want to go down. You don't want piv. That's the point. You can enjoy acts that are giving and it's not just you doing your partner a favor to hold them over til PIV is happening again. It can be the main event if you're into it

No. 278586

>>278579
the more you talk about him the more red flags pop up tbh. I agree with the anon who said that men don't hate hook-up culture and strip-clubs and trannies for the same reasons we do. It's not because they care about women, it's usually because they are socially awkward/autistic. This guy probably never had a dad to teach him guy things, he was socialized only by women so he's probably very awkward around other men. It sounds like a good thing at first, but trust me it's not. Men without fathers (who don't have other male figures to replace the father figure) are ticking time bombs and incredibly neurotic. I guarantee you this dude has some weird fucked up fetish. If he was raised by a single mother then he definitely has issues with women as well.

No. 278587

>>278584
I think we are talking about the same thing just I wouldn't call it being horny for oral sex because oral sex doesn't give me any pleasure. It's more like enjoying your partner enjoy him/herself. But I disagree that you have to be in the mood for it since it's a service act still and you don't have to be wet/horny to do it. I just don't think there is anything wrong with asking for oral sex in a relationship, I don't think it's rude at all.

No. 278589

>>278574
I thought the age gap was going to be worse tbh. I've met guys before where we dated and fizzled back out very quickly (in a couple months) because I swear they were autistic and either undiagnosed or in denial. It was the elephant in the room at all times. It happened twice (I met them through a tard hobby so makes sense) and both men were in their twenties and not quite out living on their own yet so fair enough. I let things die off and moved on with some hope they'd probably go get assessed at some point and figure out whats up. Good luck to them. I wouldn't be impressed though if I met a guy in his thirties giving off that same vibe still.

No. 278590

>>278574
Besides the point but 6 years isn't a terrible age gap I think.

No. 278595

>>278587
Yeah I don’t mind the age gap, I just expected a guy that’s in his 30s to be a little more mature and have more job prospects. I already have a full-time job and career, while he’s still working a part time job (I didn’t know this until recently). There’s lots of times where I feel way more of an adult than him, and it’s a turn-off. I expected more experience.
>>278586
Yes it does feel like there’s some sort of masculinity missing to him. He isn’t very suave in any way, and I’m more of a romantic. I don’t want a man hoe either but damn I’m just not getting anything. A lot is just making me cringe.

I only had 1 relationship of 5 years, so dating and navigating through this has been tough. Thanks to anons that responded. I might just wait a little longer and see what happens (not like I have anything else going on), and if nothing improves I’ll move on.

No. 278600

>>278595
you should try to trick him into revealing any weird fetishes he might have by saying how suuuper open and willing to experiment you are

No. 278603

>>278544
>You're gonna have a real hard time having a normal relationship
No, it just means she's going to dodge men who expect sexual service from her. She's doing the right thing. Women who give into men sexually always regret it.

No. 278604

>>278603
>men who expect sexual service
So all men. Sorry but you are really naive if you think there are some prince charming men out there who don't want regular blowjobs.

No. 278605

>>278595
I wouldn't usually sweat 5 or 6 years if things are otherwise alright but yeah him being the older one and yet being stunted without a good explanation is the bigger issue. He's had over a decade of adulthood to notice and seek out answers for whatever underlying issue is holding him back all this time.

Is he making rent working part time?

No. 278606

>>278604
Nta but the language of openly calling oral sex a service or a favor is the part where it does sound alarming. By that logic we should give men anal on demand whether we want to or not. As a favor.

No. 278608

>>278604
There are 4 billion men in the world.

No. 278609

>>278603
This. It's a slippery slope when people start treating certain forms of sex as something you don't have to be in the mood for. Oral isn't an exception to the rule.

I hate the thought of young women coming on here for advice and seeing shit like that being repeated to death like it's normal. I'm not uptight about bjs. I like giving them but seeing them referred to like that.. yeah that isn't a healthy outlook. Makes them sound like housework you have to tick off your chore list.

No. 278612

>>278608
And they all want blowjobs.

No. 278613

>>278604
Nta, of course all men want blowjobs but doesn't mean you have to give them. I didn't give my last ex of nearly 4 years a single blowjob because I set the boundary from the beginning that wasn't gonna happen. Did give handjobs tho.

Set clear boundaries from the beginning and don't allow them to be crossed. If you don't do that it's easy to snowball into degen shit because he asks for a bit more every time.

No. 278614

>>278609
>>278606
I think you're honestly just immature and unrealistic about how relationships work. I don't know if it's inexperience or if you are pornsick so you think that women actually get off on blowjobs and it makes you cum to suck a dick or whatever, but yes. Oral sex is a favor you do for the other person, it is something you enjoy only because it makes the other person happy and you enjoy watching them be happy. It doesn't do anything for you, it doesn't pleasure your mouth. It doesn't get you off. As an adult you are willing to not act entirely selfish in every part of your relationship.

No. 278616

>>278614
Yes, and that’s exactly why it makes you a femcuck. Not only are you literally on your knees begging for the approval of a scrote but you think it somehow makes you a big, mature girl.

No. 278618

>>278614
>As an adult you are willing to not act entirely selfish in every part of your relationship.
Are you sure the average scrote thinks like this?

No. 278619

>>278616
Okay, I guess continue to post in the femdom thread about your dream-man who only ever wants to please you and expects nothing in return ever. Surely your prince is out there.

No. 278620

>>278619
Expecting to be given random oral sex on demand is selfish scrote behaviour.

No. 278621

>>278614
Yes anon everyone who replies to you is naive or immature. Now can you chill and not repost this ten more times in protest?

No. 278622

a close friend of mine 'broke up' with me cause she thinks that im controlling and manipulative. when i tried to talk to one of our common friends who also has been a close friend of mine for years, she told me that she felt likewise and this apparently has been something the two of them has discussed together behind my back. this whole thing is very out of the blue for me since none of them have ever mentioned or confronted me about any of this ever despite years of friendship. i definitely know that im not a perfect person and that i can be very insecure, im also willing to change any bad habits that i have. But when ive tried to ask more specifically what behaviors that has come across as controlling both friends has mostly been very vague as to what has been bothering them. how do i handle this? and also get over just feeling very hurt and betrayed over that this has been talked about behind my back instead of dealt with me directly?

No. 278627

>>278621
truth hurts

No. 278628

>>278620
Nta but I swear even most halfway decent scrotes want you TO WANT TO blow them. This half assed 'well I guess I ought to' type duty bj isn't sexy to men or women. It's bleak that that is someones sex life.

No. 278629

>>278628
they'll take it, even if you're begrudging and awkward and uncomfortable. they obviously prefer porno modelled dickhungry behavior but ultimately men will take anything even if it makes the woman obviously awkward and uncomfortable

No. 278639

>>278622
I’m not trying to attack you so please don’t take offense. I’m just being blunt and going to try to give some real advice. Insecurity and anxiety can lead to manipulative behavior that’s just as toxic and harmful to the people you’re doing it to as intentional malicious manipulation meant to abuse can. A lot of people who are manipulative don’t see themselves like it. They learned early in childhood I press these buttons I get what I want. Maybe you even had a neglectful parent?
In cases like this things that can be manipulative are things that make your feelings other peoples fault or responsibility. This can be a lot of things. From acting upset over better opportunities, getting defensive when friends hang out with other people, to shaming people for their opinions with person attacks instead of respectful debate that doesn’t come down to them as a person.
>>you’re really going to hang out with them
>>hey you know when you do (basic part of your personality that isn’t harmful, like getting excited over seeing every dog or not wanting to go out when it rains) it upsets me and you should stop. (Just because you don’t understand doesn’t make their feelings invalid.)
For the relationships you’ve recently lost the best things is to at this point respect it. They most likely don’t want to resume and you can’t force them to. If you try and don’t respect their request for space you are being manipulative and crossing boundaries. If you want to do anything. I’d say.
>>”I didn’t know you felt that way and I’m sorry. I will respect your space and if some point you feel comfortable, I’d like to know my behaviors that upset you so I can work on them for my future relationships. Thank you for your friendship up until now though and I wish you the best.”

No. 278640

>>278619
Have fun being some man’s personal prostitute. I’m sure such a dignified profession will have great payback.

No. 278642

I want to leave my boyfriend who I live with and I don’t have enough money and nowhere to go, I thought I was lucky to find someone with a supportive family after having my own family issues. But really he lies all the fucking time and I don’t trust him at all, I don’t even like him anymore I just can’t stand it, I’m thinking of finding a shelter but I don’t wanna take up space for women who are actually battered and homeless. He is a porn addict who swore he’d stop and he hides other stuff from me I remember I was mad because I asked him how he found this one girl in another state on Snapchat it said she was a recent friend, I’m also hesitant because I’m so in his family. I don’t even have my own family just dysfunctional drug addicts who never speak with one another. Should I talk to them and tell them? I’m scared they will try to whittle me down into staying with him. I wasted a lot of time here and it hurts and I just am at a loss.

No. 278643

>>278642
Go back to your family, it’s better than staying.

No. 278649

>>278642
Maybe try to find some roommates before moving?

No. 278651

File: 1659123687430.gif (1.23 MB, 500x282, acd81f8d0661822b10804f57a39754…)

Is it bad to want your partner to take care of himself?
My husband has kind of let himself go throughout the lockdown. I am the only person that works out, when he is the type to just spend his time in front of a PC after work and order pizza. I want us to work out together, we even own scooters (not enough space to have bikes here), dumbbells, ring fit adventure game… He doesn't seem to want to do anything new with his life, really. I supported him in learning a new hobby from the start, and it worked, he is fixated a lot on it and i am happy to watch him progress, but I wonder if it's bad that I wish we could be fit, not just me. I admit I am really into muscular men, and back when we first met he at least used dumbbells (to impress me of course, all of the honeymoon phase crap). I openly told him that I would want him to go back to working out, but he just said that he doesn't want to, and I should just accept him the way he is. But really, it's not even about the appearance part, I generally want us to be both healthy and take good care of ourselves! I wonder if I could somehow figure out if there is a way to put short workouts in his schedule. He works a lot, so he is always tired, so he has time only for his language learning and a bunch of personal projects. I feel bad, feeling like I am asking for too much, after all I understand what it's like.

No. 278653

>>278651
It is nothing but a reasonable expectation that your partner maintains his health, in my opinion everyone has that responsibility towards their partner, and it's a mature adult thing to do anyway. But if he straight up refuses.. there's not much you can do about that.

No. 278654

>>278651
I hate fat scrotes fat scrotes get no love

No. 278655

>>278651
When you say "let himself go" what level are we talking here? Because theres a big difference between someone dropping all their healthy habits and becoming an unhealthy mess vs someone who is the exact same as before minus a dumbbell routine. I think if its just the workouts and everything else is still healthy (his diet, walks to the store/to work/etc./rodes the scooter regularly) then imo he might not die of obesity kek

No. 278656

>>278651
You can't make someone work out if they don't want to.

No. 278657

>>278640
Your view on sex is really fucked up if you think giving your boyfriend blowjobs makes you a prostitute. Grow up.

No. 278659

>>278657 No, no. You’re right. It just makes you a cockbreath.

No. 278660

>>278574
My guess he's not trying to fall too fast because of him being previously cheated on. If they were long term then he's probably a little more worried of falling in the same trap. On top of that, do you know anything about his upbringing? Were his parents good together? Growing up in a toxic household can also stem into how he carries out his own relationships due to not having those role models.

No. 278662

>>278651
No. I was with someone who put on 100 pounds. I was no longer attracted to them. I thought it wouldn’t matter but the first time a stomach gets in the way it’s just not sexy. They’re a blob. Fat men are gross to me.
If you’re not attracted them don’t do anything with him and if he gets upset tell him you’re not attracted to him. Don’t have to be mean. But you also shouldn’t force yourself to like someone you don’t.

No. 278664

>>278662
Also if he’s encouraging bad decisions and gets upset or whiny when you independently work out or stay active since you’re not spending time together he’s negatively impacting you.

No. 278677

>>278657
nta but if you're not getting any enjoyment out of it it makes you a doormat, and a potential victim

No. 278691

>>278651
sweetie dump him he's just gonna get a beer gut and start malding

No. 278700

>>278657
Blowjobs are quintessential pickme idk, the woman gets no enjoyment except from self objectification and the man gets his gross smegma pork sword licked until he shoots his bleach flavour dicksnot in her mouth which she has to swallow and pretend to enjoy the taste of.

No. 278701

>>278700
You're completely brain dead, holy fuck
The same could be said for eating pussy

No. 278702

>>278701
Nta but you can't possibly think smegma and semen are anything close to what comes out of a women kek. Anyway women still shouldn't be forced to do something that they don't want, it doesn't make them 'immature', it's sort of creepy to think otherwise.

No. 278706

>>278700
>>278701
>>278702
Both of you stfu no one fucking cares and you've been at each other for hours.

No. 278708

>>278706
Kek I just got here. I'm only the last post.

No. 278710

>>278700
Kek, true. NTA. I hate the taste of cum. I mainly do it because I like to hear his moans, have him hold my hand, and i get to see him be excited and prop himself up to watch me do it. Otherwise, I ask to be fingered while I'm giving oral or we 69, because I'm not being left out. Don't kid yourself, anons. Sucking dick is tiring. Start demanding shit.

No. 278746

>>278702
Vaginas produce smegma too you fucking retard

No. 278747

i would recognise that retarded polyamorous swede and her typing style anywhere. i see she's back creating more schizo "advice" questions in order to push her weird lifestyle itt. mental illness is a weird thing…

No. 278750

Lesbianons just can never stop seething about the "cockbreaths". We live rent free in your head and you just hate that we chose men over you, kek. Don't take it out on your girlfriends tonight and beat them again, we know lesbians top the charts for domestic violence.(bait)

No. 278760

File: 1659171215366.jpeg (12.65 KB, 392x280, 7E261775-C98F-4961-937B-950D13…)


No. 278763

>>278750
>we know lesbians top the charts for domestic violence.
Band: Lesbians
Album: Domestic Violence
Time on Billboad's Top One Hundred: [Make your own joke here]

No. 278764

>>278750
Lesbians top the domestic violence charts because it is a relationship with two women scrote. The amount of violence in the study which notes their likelyhood of being victimised states that the lesbian partners were actually victimised by men, not women they were in a relationship with, such as those who have come out after having previous opposite sex relationships. Lesbians are victimised by ex-pre-coming out male partners kek. Men stay coping about being violent retards.

No. 278765

>>278764
Don't respond to moid bait.

No. 278766

>>278747
Take your meds, schizo. You didn't "recognize" any typing style, you just assume every person who talks about poly or open relationships is me because of your own obsession. Also, wrong country.

No. 278767

>>278764
Lesbians who have relationships with men? You mean cockbreaths?(bait )

No. 278770

>>278746
And it's still not the same as semen.

No. 278796

>>278766
right… and you just magically appeared in the thread too. polycucks are so fucking unhinged.

No. 278814

>>278796
Newsflash, I've been in the thread this entire time, I guess your schizo magic skills failed to pick up on that. And what's more unhinged, having a specific relationship type or obsessively seething over it?

No. 278823

>>278766
your posting style isn't recognizable; it's the way you reply anytime anyone talks about you, because you love the attention. quit doing that and people would quit baiting you and shitting up the thread

No. 278824

>>278823
Who's baiting who? All it takes is for me to even type the word "poly" and you all start seeing red and seething kek. Here, I'll test it out:
poly

No. 278875

>>278654
Fat scrotes suck at everything and are unreliable as fuck. You'd think they'd be loyal, but they'll drop you like a dime in a split second, even faster if you are going through something. It's always the same story.

No. 278906

>>278770
It's the same as male smegma which is what I was replying to. Don't be willfully ignorant. Also, wash your vulva because it's probably full of smegma since you're a dumbass.

No. 278950

>>278534
> To be honest walking out yesterday is the most assertive thing I've maybe ever done, usually I'd start prepping to go then tell him I'm annoyed and stay and rationalise. I'm even questioning if it was shitty. I think it was, in no circumstances should you tell your partner to hide, right?
It was shitty. Not meeting the kid isn't the same thing as hiding your existence or being all cloak and dagger about it.

No. 278963

>>278957
Yeahhhh gotta agree with anon there, there's no value to be had here. Dump and put that energy in making new connections.

No. 278968

>>278948
Crazy BPD scrote alert. Dump him or whatever it’s called when you’re no longer friends with someone.

No. 278998

I went on vacation with my boyfriend recently and everything seemed fine and normal but as I was dropping him off at the airport he broke up with me. Couldn't tell me he loved me, couldn't even say why, just that we needed to talk when he got back home. He eventually told me that he had issues from past relationships and that he thought he could put them on the side when he started liking me and it wouldn't be a problem but that it didn't make his problems go away and that he needed to fix himself. He said that I was the most amazing person but that it wouldn't be fair for me to be there for him if he couldn't be there for me. It hurts so much to be blindsided like this and it's all so vague that I don't really feel like I have any closure as to what happened or what went wrong. Absolutely nothing seemed off on the trip and before it he was telling me things like that he'd never been more sure about anyone in his life and that all he wanted was to be with me. What would 'past relationship issues' even mean? I've never been so hurt over someone before, I never picked up on any previous red flags and he had always seemed so loving so I had no reason to expect this. It doesn't feel real. Does anyone have any advice for moving on?

No. 279006

>>278998
Ask him to pay you back if you funded the vacation and start a fight with his mom if he won’t.

No. 279016

>>278998
His ex want him back and have told him

No. 279026

>>278948
Seconding the bpd thing. It sounds exactly like the male I know who’s diagnosed. Love him to death, would not recommend he will hurt your fucking feelings. Set strong boundaries and don’t let him dismiss you. If he gets toxic about it. Cut him off and tell him politely but firmly why. Definitely reach out and try to make other friends anon. You deserve healthy relationships.

No. 279032

File: 1659319273372.jpg (22.96 KB, 267x282, a118cb15b58b26109730b46f5eeb24…)

>>278998
I've seen this time and time again. If he's suddenly breaking up with you, it's actually not that sudden. Hes probably thought about it for a good while beforehand and decided something or someone else would be more pleasurable or exciting to give his attention to. He got into a good relationship and got scared like a fool. That's how men are, they chase what's exciting, discard what's good for them and they will give you a bullshit pseudo-introspective reason for it to "not hurt you" (more accurately- reconcile their ego with the fact that they're being a dickhead, and to make you not too angry so you can be put on the backburner if the other opportunity falls apart).

The most powerful thing you can do is research no contact method (for your own moral support and motivation) and give him exactly the breakup he asked for. Radio silence, total avoidance.

I've done this every time sudden hearbreak happens to me and every single one was shocked I didn't cry and even try to ask him what went wrong. Just an "Alright. Goodbye." Every single one crawled back eventually to breadcrumb and try to get back in my good graces. Usually took less than a year. And by then I am so over them and amused by their regret.

Don't even keep him on any social media. He wants you out of his life, give him just that. If he's even half as decent as you probably imagine he is, he will falter and apologize after a while. Whether you want him back or not, know that if he was as good as your idealized image of him, he wouldn't even let this happen in the first place. A scrote is a scrote is a scrote.

No. 279035

>>279032
nayrt but this is great advice, nonnie. moids are so retarded

No. 279041

>>279032
extremely solid advice

No. 279067

>>278998
Theres definitely another woman involved. Did he meet someone on the vacation while you were not around? Men don't usually break up unless they have something else lined up.

No. 279074

>>279032
Thank you for this, it made me feel a little bit more sane. For the past week I've been feeling so awful about myself, but now that I've thought about the situation as a whole more and talked about it I'm just angry and glad that it ended before we got too involved with each other. I just hate how many times he touched me knowing what he was going to do as soon as the vacation was over. You're probably right that it wasn't sudden. I guess I was trying to rationalize it because I don't understand how anyone could do something like this in general, I don't think I knew him like I thought I did. I'll try this out.

>>279067
That's what I'm thinking now too. There's no way he could've met someone while on vacation but now I think he was definitely in contact with someone from his past while we were together and probably before the vacation even started, just testing the waters in the very least. His explanation just makes less and less sense the more I think about it.

No. 279077

>>279074
Men don't usually end relationships unless they have someone else lined up. Honestly, even then they usually don't end relationships and just try to juggle both women at the same time. I assume the new woman has been in the picture for a while and is pressuring him to break it off with you, he probably told her he will do it after the vacation, since he had probably already paid for it at that point. I expect you will find out who it is sooner rather than later.

No. 279089

How do I stop being so judgemental of my boyfriend?

Like, we were talking about sexual preferences or whatever and he was talking about how some things are just better as a fantasy than as a reality and he listed threesomes among some other things and it really burnt me. He was talking about it as a concept but it just makes me feel so unattracted even though the point of what he was saying is that he'd never actually want to do that. He is very opposed to anything outside our relationship but him saying that grossed me out and it makes me go ick internally that he'd even like the idea as a concept.

No. 279091

>>279089
Like….it just makes me so grossed out. I like sucking his dick and doing stuff like that but it just makes me feel so disgusting he'd love the idea of 2 or 3 girls doing that. It just is such an intrusive thought I don't know how to deal with it. It just makes me depressed. I hate how I continually sabotage my relationship like this. I make huge deals out of little thing when he treats me so well and he really doesn't want anything crazy sexually. I just feel so broken and I wish my mind didn't get stuck on these things. Like, oh, it doesn't matter to me he said the same thing about anal - he's very opposed to anal, but it just digs and digs at me in regards to this.

Idk I wish I weren't so fucked up. I wish I could have a normal relationship and not fight over little things. Like, i feel like my mind is so fucked up because I feel like the other person has to think a certain way or they don't love me or it's not fair because they aren't exactly like me in a certain way and I just hate it. I don't allow myself to fantasize sexually because I've always just wanted to enjoy it with the person I'm with. I just hate this. I don't want to change because I want someone to love me for who I am, but I feel like shit because it's like I want to change him for something that isn't even going to affect us.

No. 279092

I want my boyfriend to lose weight, but I don't know how to bring it up. I have two small, inconsequential reasons, and one BIG reason.

1. I've seen pictures of him at lower weights and while I love and desire him now, holy. shit. He was a male stripper ffs, he was cut.
2. He's told me that his dick is huge when he's at a lower weight and I believe him. It would make sex better for me.

Like I said, those reasons don't really matter that much to me, I already love how he looks and our sex life is great.

But the third reason is big. I'm worried about his health. His joints are hurting all the time, he has constant heartburn, and when he sleeps, he snores - LOUDLY - and sometimes he stops breathing for up to 30 seconds at a time. I've brought this up to him by asking him to see a doctor about it, and he says all the doctor will tell him is lose weight. He said he loses weight super easily, and every summer he ends up getting super fit, but it's August and there's been weight gain, if anything.

I don't want him to feel bad about his body - he's already said he doesn't like his body, and I don't want to make it worse. I want him to feel good about himself, physically and mentally. How do I broach the subject?

I can't control what he eats, he does the cooking. I've asked him to cut back on his drinking but that's not an option. I want to have a long, healthy, active life with him. I'm afraid I won't if he keeps on the same lifestyle path. What the fuck do I say????

No. 279093

>>279092
in the same exact boat as you nonnie, it's such a difficult subject to broach. I was thinking of starting the gym with my bf to encourage him, as he used to work out.

No. 279096

>>279092
dicks don't grow when you're losing weight. he's a lying scrote

No. 279097

>>>279096
It doesn't grow, but excess fat around the mons can cover up some of the length of the shift. If a guy is overweight he can expect to gain some length after losing 30ish pounds.

No. 279098

>>279092
i told my bf i wouldn't date him if he didn't lose weight and he lost over 150 pounds

No. 279099

>>279091
Stop gaslighting yourself. It's absolutely normal and valid to be upset about the fact that your boyfriend basically told you he wants to have sex with someone who is not you, even if you are included in this fantasy. It's a fucked up thing to say and he should have kept it to himself, but it honestly says a lot about him.

Before I got married I decided to set pretty clear boundaries at the start of every relationship when it comes to infidelity and other women and one thing I made clear at the start aside from not being ok with porn is that I will NEVER participate in a threesome and even asking me for that will be the end of the relationship because to me that is basically like saying "you are not enough for me, I want to have sex with women who are not you". It's basically cuckoldry and men should stop being comfortable with admitting they want to cuck you. I'm sure he wouldn't like it if you told him your biggest fantasy is being spitroasted by two men with bigger dicks than him while he watches. It's hurtful to tell your partner you want to have sex with someone else. You are not fucked up for feeling hurt by that.

No. 279100

>>279092
“Stop eating fatty”

No. 279101

>>279089
Literally just dump him. Why are you putting up with a man that openly says he wants to cheat on you with permission?

No. 279102

>>279101
NTA but you know he would cry about muh feelings like a baby after being a degenerate too

No. 279104

>>279093
I asked if he'd want to join a gym and he was actually really excited by the idea! So that's a good start.

I also just asked if he'd be willing to cook healthier meals with more proteins and fats, less carbs (framed it as a favour for me since I'm putting on some extra weight too) and he said he'd start looking up recipes.

I hope this works. I just want him to be healthy and fit.

No. 279106

>>279099
>>279101
He wasn't saying he wanted a threesome. We were talking about fetishes and what we would think of other people if they liked certain fetishes and somehow we got onto the topic of anal and he was saying casually that like threesomes, it's an idea he'd never actually want to do, but he found the idea fine in of itself.

Idk maybe I am gaslighting myself. I don't know how to talk to him about it because I bitch about everything.

No. 279107

>>279106
Does your man call you bringing up your feelings and concerns "bitching?" Does he make you feel unreasonable? Shut down conversations when you try to tell how you feel? Make you feel like your thoughts are a burden?

Then he does not respect you. If he doesn't respect you, he can't love you. If your boyfriend respected you he would listen to you - even about stuff he doesn't agree with, even if you're telling him things that make him feel bad.

When I tell my boyfriend something he did or said is upsetting to me, he doesn't make me feel like I'm a pain in the ass, even if he doesn't think it's a big deal. He listens and asks questions and we try to work problems out together. If your boyfriend doesn't do that, you need to get rid of him. He is making you doubt yourself as a partner and as a person. Not okay. You need to be with someone who makes you feel like you can open up without fear of repercussions.

No. 279112

>>279107
I feel like I've made him afraid of the reprecussions of speaking openly around me. I don't want to contribute more which is why I'm hesitant to make an issue of this He isn't a guy that watches porn, he's very straight edge and he acts like he respects me despite the fact I'm a bpdfag. The fact I'm a bpdfag means I make things difficult in our relationship due to my paranoia that is unfounded and based off my terrible relationships with other men in my life. I can imagine it's exhausting for him, hence why I call it bitching. He himself does not call it that.

If a woman said she liked the idea of threesomes only in theory, but not in reality, I think that would be crazy for her man to dump her over that.

No. 279122

>>279092
smells like troll

No. 279124

>>279092
I don't know why you're complicating things too much. A key part of healthy relationships is communication. You shouldn't feel bad for wanting your boyfriend to be healthy so I don't know why you feel like you need to walk on eggshells and not actually tell him the truth upfront but figure out a way to say it "subtly". Just tell him you are worried for his health because of his weight and that you want him to get healthy with you. If he gets offended over this reasonable request, well that's his problem

No. 279125

>>279118
It's been a little over a year. He isn't morbidly obese or anything, but it's starting to impacting his health

No. 279126

>>279124
You're probably right. I'm used to dating guys that make everything into a big production and argument. Feeling a little silly that it took anons pointing that out to realize it, but hey, that's what advice threads are for.
Thanks everyone.

No. 279127

>>279126
Sorry if my reply came out too harsh and don't worry about it, sometimes it takes a third point of view to understand your situation. I hope you're able to talk to him civilly anon

No. 279132

>>279101
>cheat
>with permission
where did this retarded saying come from? it's self-contradictory
anyway, group sex and threesomes consistently rank among the top fantasies for both men and women. he straight up told you he prefers to keep it as a fantasy. ignore the retards replying to you who have never had a long term relationship in their lives. if you start feeling like shit about yourself and/or break up with someone the moment they fantasize about someone else or confess to a sexual preference you don't want to fulfill, you're setting yourself up for a lifetime of insecurity and loneliness.

No. 279135

>>279112
>If a woman said she liked the idea of threesomes only in theory, but not in reality, I think that would be crazy for her man to dump her over that.
this is what many nonnas fail to understand. establishing ridiculous standards like "if you even fantasize about another person that's cheating" only hurts women. scrotes are already insanely jealous and can turn violent if a woman as much as confesses she had a sex life before the relationship began or has a crush on a celebrity. normalizing shit like this would only make it worse.

No. 279139

>>279112
>If a woman said she liked the idea of threesomes only in theory, but not in reality, I think that would be crazy for her man to dump her over that.
Why? An important thing about being in a relationship with someone is sharing the same values. At that point, it's clear that at least sexually and romantically, there's some incompatibility. For example, if a man ever told me he fantasized about seeing a prostitute (but never would in reality) I would absolutely break up even though he never did the physical action or ever would. His thoughts and values don't align with mine, and it's completely fine to break up over that, especially when sex is involved.

No. 279146

>>279139
a man confessing he fantasizes about paying for consent a.k.a rape is completely different from fantasizing about actually completely consensual sex. you are never going to find someone whose fantasies 100% align with yours and who has never fantasized about things you find to be a turn-off.

No. 279149

>>279139
Yeah, if a woman said that. But a man said it. Stop shilling for degenerate perverts.

No. 279159

>>279146
I don't care about your moralfaggotry; a man who fantasizes about group sex/being with other women is an attention whore who thinks the world revolves around his dick. It's worth breaking up over if you aren't a pick-me dumbass.

No. 279165

>>279159
enjoy your life of nunnery then i guess because this is an unbelievably common fantasy for men (AND women). oh wait. but your nigel doesn't fantasize about it. he's of course one of the good ones and you read his thoughts so you know he for sure does not commit any thought crimes.

No. 279169

>>279165
>>279132
Yeah. I know he's not evil, it's just, how do I as a person calm myself down over this? I know he doesn't mean it personally, but I take it personally. I don't think he'd be offended if I ever said I had that fantasy, and I don't, not really, because it scares me.

>>279135
Could you explain what you mean more? You're basically saying it's bad because then men hold women to these insane standards and that isn't fair because not all women are insane monogamists like some of us. Right?

>>279139
>>279159
The thing is, it's not like he was saying he wanted to do it. He wasn't even saying he fantasizes about it as of now. He was just talking about fantasies in general. Before me, he used to watch porn, nothing crazy, but yeah, I'm guessing he would watch threesomes and group sex at times. He was saying it like it was nice to maybe imagine in theory, but he wouldn't actually like it irl even if he weren't in a relationship. And inb4 he still watches porn, he is very committed to not watching porn and I've seen that he means it. It's just I am so sensitive that I take this type of shit personally when it was before I existed in his life.

No. 279170

>>279165
And enjoy your life of cuckoldry. It's common for men to want to sex up teenagers and young girls. It doesn't mean you accept that in a partner just because it's so normalized and you can't be bothered hold out for better instead of jumping on the nearest dick. Don't teach other women to be miserable like that.

No. 279179

>>279170
Why are you comparing fantasizing about consensual sex between adults to fantasizing about fucking kids you spastic? No grown women are miserable over shit like this aside from you and the BPD chan above who posted the question

No. 279185

Group sex is either for ugly losers who couldn't get laid in their teens or people who can't actually connect and pleasure their partner and/or others without some weird bdsm/degenerate barrier.

No. 279196

>>279132
Look, it's the poly fag again who doesn't understand monogamous relationships.

No. 279198

>>279112
>If a woman said she liked the idea of threesomes only in theory, but not in reality, I think that would be crazy for her man to dump her over that.
Men are ridiculously insecure, I bet you if you told your boyfriend you fantasize about a threesome with two men he would feel like a loser who can't satisfy you as well.

No. 279209

>>279089
I think your sense of security in your relationship and self-confidence took a hit because he basically said he wants to have sex with someone else (true even if it's a threesome and even if it's just a "fantasy") and of course you don't want to hear how your bf wants to have sex with someone else. Your bf is shitty and selfish for voicing the desire, you're not the judgemental one.

No. 279210

>>279089
>>279091
>has a "fantasy" about doing anal and a threesome but is tooootally soooo against it!!
Anon he was weighing your reaction and would've totally done it if your reaction was positive

No. 279221

>>279179
Because you shouldn't put up with undesirable and disgusting shit in your partner just because it's normalized.

No. 279235

>>279210
He's told me multiple times that he doesn't care if I would want it, he is very much so against anal. He finds it disgusting on a biological level. He doesn't condone it because he thinks it is too easy to spread viruses and other disease with it. I cannot imagine him ever seriously wanting a threesome either because he is strictly monogamous.

I feel like people don't understand I don't actually believe he wants this shit, I just want to know how as a BPDfag to mentally cope with this.

We've been together for 5 years, it's silly I am freaking out about this given all his other qualities. He prides himself on being vanilla and is very happy with our sex life, he is the type of guy who cums in like a minute or less so he's never been into fetishes for real because it's a waste of time for him. It works for me because I cum insanely fast as well. I just have a terrible habit of taking everything personally and being too sensitive.

I guess the good news is that because of all this conversation I decided I need to hone my DBT skills and I'll be joining a group for that and I think I'll look for a therapist again. I don't engage in BPD behaviors, but I do engage in the thought patterns still and I clearly need help regulating them.

No. 279239

>>279221
lmao at comparing fantasies about rape and fantasies about threesomes as both being the same "undesirable and disgusting shit". you sound unhinged.
>>279198
yeah and we'd be laughing at that boyfriend for being an insecure loser who's jealous of a fantasy
>>279185
again, look up how insanely common this fantasy is. i guess everyone is an ugly incel loser except for you who is bitter and seething over what kind of sex other people are having?

No. 279241

>>279239
you reek of ugly lol

No. 279243

>>279235
Rookie mistake anon. Most of the women here can't help you be a better person because they're batshit insane, too.

No. 279244

>>279243
It's a great place to ask for advice if you want to end a relationship. If you want to actually work to improve the relationship/yourself? Oh boy.

No. 279250

I feel guilty about my period and just general cycle symptoms like mood swings because my boyfriend makes sexist remarks every time like "woman moment". It's not my fault my hormones make me so wonky but I wish I had them more under control and I wasn't such a stereotype

No. 279251

>>279091
>>279235
I do think it's possible to have 'its only hot in my head' type fantasies, ones that'll never leak into real life anyway. Tbh it's a good sign if he's able to differentiate. Plenty of men chase up every lil sexual thought that enters their mind and that's when it's a problem.

I have fantasies I'll never seek out irl. Part of it is that I'm a germaphobe and these fantasies exist in a land where germs don't lol. I've stopped even telling partners about these thoughts because… there's nothing really gained from disclosing it. They either want to act it out (which I don't actually want) or they get it into their head that I'm not fulfilled without it? Sometimes sharing these thoughts is more hassle and worry than its worth. Especially if your partner struggles with overthinking things already.

No. 279257

>>279235
I just think its sad that you are gaslighting yourself like this. You are upset for a genuine reason that would make most women upset (boyfriend told you he fantasizes about having sex with women who are not you) and you have talked yourself into believing it is irrational and BPD instead. It sucks cause women are told their natural feelings are invalid all the time just because men are degenerate and we should just accept it and if we don't then we are deemed "just insecure" or "crazy".

No. 279262

>>279250
Break up with him. A good bf would be empathetic, understanding, and take care of you during your period instead of being a misogynistic asshole.
>>279257
I agree. It's so normalized for men to be degenerate that women just lie down and accept it. It's ok to have standards and self-respect. In fact, there's a higher likelihood you'll find your ideal partner that way instead of wasting your time settling for degenerate dime-a-dozen men.

No. 279267

>>279251
I'm vanilla as fuck but I do enjoy some femdommy fantasies every now and then. Would never want to act on them cause I find kink shit distasteful IRL and once the moment of horniness passes I know there's no way I could keep a straight face and voice doing/saying those things. If I mentioned this to a similarly vanilla partner and he freaked out over how this must mean our values are incompatible… I'd be so weirded out I'd probably start rec