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No. 145234

Trouble in paradise? We've got your back.

Old threads:

No. 145294

Pour one out to relationships in the time of corona. Shit sucks.

No. 145300

I've been dating this guy for a couple weeks and things have been going well. We were at his place and he was showing me some old pictures. He found one with his ex from high school and he said "oh thats my slut ex who cheated on me" with some anger in his voice. It made me uncomfortable because of the demeaning language and he sounded still bitter about a high school relationship at 30. Totally took me by surprise as there's been no red flags up until this point. Thoughts? Should I talk to him about it or run?

No. 145302

Any guy calling an ex a slut is a huge red flag, run for the hills anon

No. 145305

I don‘t know what I think you should do considering that I know nothing about your or his situation other than this but that‘s definitely a major red flag.

No. 145318

This guy I met on Tinder has a female roommate. Red flag? They share earbuds while streaming together, but there's no indication of a relationship on their social media. So…orbiter or fuckbuddy?

No. 145323

They have a history.

No. 145330

I'd say stick around and try to feel out the situation more. Even if they do have a history it might not be so bad, I have a male friend who i have a history with that i would never go there again with but still hold him close as a great friend.

No. 145334

If they have their own separate rooms in where they live I wouldn't think twice about it, seen many cases of opposite gender friends / acquaintances living together in my student years. And same as >>145330 said, even if they have history it might not be a bad thing depending on their relationship now, I lived with my ex for a year after break up because we were very good friends prior and remained very good friends after, but I'd never want anything intimate with him anymore and there was no issue with any of us seeing other people.
So yeah, imho not a red flag but ofc it's gonna be good if you know more.

No. 145351

I had a male roommate before and nothing ever happaned between us nor did he ever try anything with me. I'd do what other anons said and stick around and see. It could most likely just be a normal roommate situation and nothing sketchy.

No. 145365

How do you decide if you're with the right person?

No. 145368

Do you feel good? If yes then this is a right person.

No. 145372

I would save time and run now. He's way too old and too much time has passed for him to still hold those feelings and to still get pleasure from calling her a slut.

I dated a 30-something year old who had nothing positive to say about any of his exes and while describing his ex (who had legitimate mental health issues, CSA trauma) he'd sometimes refer to as a crazy bitch.. I kick myself for not taking that massive hint of what was to come with him.

No. 145373

do you feel like you can be open and honest to them about everything, including your doubts? If yes, then they're good for you. If no, if you fear their response or that they'll dismiss or fight you, then they aren't the one.

No. 145375

Are they still fair with you during an argument or does it get ugly? That to me is a big indicator. That and them sparking excitement in me even after the 'honeymoon period' has technically passed

No. 145385

Thanks for your answers! That's what I feared… I feel like I can't talk about anything with him and I avoid a lot of subjects because I fear his response. And he gets kinda hurtful in arguments. Fuck. I just want this to be right but I guess in my heart I know it isn't.

No. 145395

it can be hard to end a relationship, especially if there's not one big event that has doomed it, but ultimately you deserve and need someone who you can be truly open with. Good luck with whatever you decide anon!

No. 145509

I just want a guy to flirt with, hug, just feel sexual tension. Since I started working from home it's become almost impossible to meet guys. I used to meet them via sports or travel but now everything's shut. Tinder men are so hilariously disappointing I want to shoot myself opening that app.

I'm not even necessarily even looking for a relationship, I'm just touch starved and want a cute man to flirt with. What do I do with my pathetic ass situation

No. 145518

That guy sounds like my ex and honestly, you should just leave now because the longer you leave it the more it will hurt. It's not normal to have to avoid so many topics for the sake of keeping the peace - ultimately, it just means that you are sacrificing your emotional needs for the sake of his own, and that's not a healthy or fair dynamic. It might seem like a hurtful but acceptable sacrifice to you right now, but when you find someone that you can be fully open with, you'll wonder how you ever survived that way.

No. 145927

Boyfriend of 6 years talks to many women, some of who are my friends, on a deep emotional level. I've never felt jealous except for two chicks, who are mainly his friends and put no effort in acknowledging me. The first one actively tried to sabotage our relationship and it took a lot of time to heal from it. There's a new girl lately, she's much more sneaky about it. The thing is he's so naive and I'm scared that this is becoming a pattern now that there's been two. Thoughts?

No. 145930



Why on God's Green Earth is he seeking this sort of emotional confidant when he is with you? Not to mention this isn't the first girl?! The Man-baby looking for mommy emotional tampons and discards them after he's bored with them. Sorry.

No. 145936

Lmao he knows damn well what he's doing.

No. 145946

You're misunderstanding who's naive here

No. 145951


Lol that is true. I definitely used the wrong word here to describe him. I know that his male friends are not as receptive to his feelings as he would like, and he mainly ends up listening to these women’s problems rather than sharing his own. Either way, this behavior is not acceptable. Thank you for your honesty.

No. 145955

I'm so fucking pathetic for a guy who dumps me. When I tell keep bothering him he tells me to fuck off and blocks me. I know I should have left him alone.
Lmao my lame ass self keeps coming back for table scrapes. He broke up with me in the heat of the moment after a fight. We were good before then and he agreed.
We are like half way back to together and are on a talking basis. Y'all how to I not fuck it up again or if I should even try.

No. 145957

I have been talking with a guy I have never met in person a 1000 miles away from me.

We have been talking for 3 years now and I'm just getting more and more desperate to meet him in person. I've literally never been with anyone else, I'm 20 now and I have never been kissed. I want to actually experience what it's like to have a boyfriend and do fun things with him. I love talking with him but it's not nearly the same to what I imagine a real relationship is like.

He wants to meet too but he refuses to stand up to his parents even though he's nearly 21. His reasoning is always because his parents won't let him. He can't even drive because they didn't teach him as a teenager.

He doesn't ask for money so I know he's not trying to leech off me but I seriously don't know how much longer I can handle this. I cried to him about how much I want an actual relationship and not some pseudo intimacy. That he's miserable and I know he would be so much happier if he took the steps to leave but his response was to bawl for nearly 30 minutes.

I already never wanted to do online relationships when I was 17 but when I met him he just seemed so great and ambitious. I'm so fucking naive and stupid to have gotten myself in this mess.

I don't have it in me to break up with him. I don't want to break up with him. Will I have to in order for him to actually do what he needs to do?

No. 145965

Guys will never change for a woman. If he were to stay like that for the rest of his life, would you still want him? Do you really want a man who refuses to see you? If he really wanted to, he would.

You're a kissless virgin because you wasted your years on him. I did that too and only had my first kiss at 21 when I got over him. I regret wasting so much time.

There are so many great men out there but you're dodging all of them because of this idiot.

No. 145988

She feels good being a kissless virgin though?

No. 145992

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I was in similar situation. Imo you should meet up with the person you are talking to online as soon as possible (maximum 3-6 months, not 3 YEARS). Especially if it's your first relationship. There are some things that you can't predict, like if you'll be really attracted to them, if you'll understand n like their body language, if they are respectful towards others, if they smell nice, etc. He had three years to sort himself out and change for you, but he still hasn't made any progress. Are you willing to wait another three years just to see if he will be able to stand up to his parents?
I met a really wonderful guy irl soon after I stopped talking to that online guy. I'm sure you'll also find the ambitious, driven guy you want. You still have plenty of time. "E-relationship" is honestly a joke compared to what you can experience with an actual person irl.

No. 146003

I agree. What if you're not attracted to him in person? It's not only looks and personality, people just seem different in 3d, in front of you. You might have just wasted years of your life.

No. 146012

As a former victim of emotional abuse and gaslighting in a relationship, I find I can sometimes be too sensitive to red flags. I’ve been seeing a guy and I made a random observation to him and said “am I crazy or…”. He responded with “you’re crazy, but you’re right”. Just the words “you’re crazy” made alarm bells go off in my head and I’ve been ignoring him since. Am I overreacting? I just had such a visceral reaction to it. I know if I confronted him about it he’ll say it was a joke

No. 146030

>I’ve been ignoring him since

This sounds like light ribbing. I don't think you're ready for any relationship right now tbh.

No. 146053

This >>145992 I was also in a similar situation where I never had a relationship at age 19 and I really wanted to date and meet with an online guy. the sad thing about all my relationships (online and irl) is that the guy never/hardly would want to travel to me and I would make all the effort. It's best if you get with a guy who's willing to travel to you.

Also I agree with going to see him 3 months to a year after talking. If you leave it for too long (like my friend did with his ex gf, he never met his online girlfriend of 5 years) he would most likely cheat because he can't control his dick for long enough.

No. 146054

its been nearly a year since my ex dumped me and for once I dont feel like rushing into another relationship. Its not like I don't want one, I honestly do but I want a relationship that last long term like at least over a year (longest relationship I had was 11 months and it was my recent one). I feel like i wouldn't find a relationship long term since most guys that are attracted to me just wanna fuck. Even though my friends reassured me that my exes were in the wrong, I still feel like there's something about me that would make guys not want to stay with me that long.

I have a bunch of guy friends that I did have crushes on but they don't want to get into a relationshipx and just fuck… I dont know if I would want to try and develop my relationship with them so they could consider dating me or wait to find someone I would click with.

I sometimes daydream about meeting the most perfect guy to me who would treat me out, put effort into the relationship and buy me a gift. Even the smallest gesture of a hug, kiss or cuddle would be great to have in a relationship

No. 146094

If my bf and I break up, I will probably have to keep living in our shared apartment. Theoretically, I could move out but it would be a huge hassle. Has anyone ever been in this situation where you had to continue living in an apartment you used to share? How was it? I’m afraid it will make the breakup even worse for me.

No. 146107

Depends on a kind of break up. Me and my ex lived together while in relationship and slowly over almost a year we lost any romantic kind of vibe, while still being great friends. When eventually we've decided it's over it's already been over for months, just had to be said out loud. Lived with him for one and half year more because the flat and location were great, no drama whatsoever even though both of us moved on and started seeing other people. But if if would be an abrupt breakup it could get very messy and very hard to heal.

No. 146148

How do you deal with having a partner who isn't particularly verbally affectionate? My bf came from a family that wasn't really affectionate in any regard, especially not the type to say I love you, and as a result he has a lot of difficulty with verbal affection, which is my main love language. If I can't hear directly what a person feels it can make me doubt they feel for me at all. He does express his love in other ways, sending me memes, offering to pick up food, spending quality time with me, and more recently talking about moving in together, and he's said that he does feel "that way" for me but can't seem to actually…say it. Is this something I have to get over or is there a way to encourage him to be more verbal?

No. 146160

I work at a motorcycle shop in a rural area. A guy a few years younger than me recently stopped by specifically to (very respectfully) ask me out, after having chatted morepersonally the last time he was in the shop. I basically just sperged and said no out of habit, but I do like him. I made up an excuse to look at his phone one day to see his instagram profile name and since have been stalking him there and on a few forums…

I guess I think he is too nice and naive and that I would destroy his soul. I'm pretty creepy and struggle with general hygeine and afraid of sex. But I do like him and I don't like many men. He looks like he struggled with self harm at some point and is quite intelligent and builds his own motors and shares general interests (not common), and hates video games lmao.

He is coming back into the shop to pick up an order on Tuesday and I am really conflicted on whether I should reconsider his request. Most likely I will sperg and not do it… but I want to.

No. 146194

Go for it anon, at least one date

No. 146228

Go for it. If things don't work out, it's not like you'll have to see him a lot.

No. 146235

He sounds great anon. Definitely go for it. How much younger is he?

No. 146240

please update us anon! i think you should definitely give him a chance, he sounds cute/respectful.
hope you didn't reject him harshly the first time.

No. 146274

do it anon, allow yourself some fun. If he turns out to be a good man, you deserve to have that.

No. 146320


Thanks guys, think I might as well go for it. I didn't expect so many responses. Will update when he comes back into the shop.

I'm 25, he's 22, remains to be seen if he is as mature as he seems because I generally don't like anyone younger than me. I didn't reject him harshly, just said something awkward like 'I'm good, I don't really like dating,' and continued being friendly and more personal as I had been (uncharacteristic of me). He had no problem calling in to make that order after I had already said no so can't imagine he was too put out by my response.

No. 146380

I don’t know who but how my be responded made me feel bad. I’ve been going. Through some really heavy shit and he knows it. A few weeks ago we almost broke up because he said he felt too frustrated and that all my bad news were affecting him to the point of him feeling sick. Since then I’ve made sure not to tell him any bad news because I didn’t want to make him feel bad. Today I thought I would tell him that i felt a little better but let him know as well that I’m still not feel alright, it feels like he just brushed it off to me. Am I thinking too much into it? I’m scared to bring up the topic because it might upset him.

No. 146381

File: 1596574033988.jpeg (334.23 KB, 654x565, 173A5D8F-176A-41F5-9A88-B6976C…)

Forgot to attach pic and of course, I meant to write bf *

No. 146382

Ugh, anon, you deserve better, I'm sorry. You're not overthinking. In a partnership, you need someone who can work with and be there for you.

No. 146383

Maybe it's just his way of handling other people's negative emotions. These types of things are easier to respond to in person. I like listening to people and helping out in person but over text I just can't handle emotional stuff.

No. 146384

>all my bad news were affecting him to the point of him feeling sick
my reading of this is that he doesn't want to deal with you when you're sad, because it's too much work for him. he's manipulated you into not talking about it.
if i was your gf and i hadn't spoken to you in a week, and you say you 'felt like you weren't going to make it', i would be really concerned and just generally say the opposite of what this guy said. this guy does not seem like he cares tbh.
sorry anon this dude is not supportive at all, you're not thinking too much.

No. 146386

My dude, this is not cool. If he's incapable of being supportive when you're clearly in distress and going through a rough time, then he shouldn't be in a relationship with you at all.

It is not normal or healthy to feel you have to completely avoid difficult subjects with your partner. That's literally one of the major reasons people even HAVE significant others in the first place, to know someone will be there for them through thick and thin (and vice versa).

It's totally fine to be the type who does better in person, but if that was the case and her partner wasn't an asshat he would say, "Hey babe, I want to be there for you but I'd really prefer to talk face to face. I feel like I can't fully give you my support over text." Not just dismiss/ignore her troubles entirely.

No. 146387

you seem to be very articulate about it and he sounds a bit show bobs and vegene if am completely honest with you here.

No. 146390

Thanks guys. He’s genuinely a sweet guy and in his defense during the year we’ve been together he was usually receptive to my feelings. I have the feeling maybe my issues are too much and he’s hit his limit. Part of the reason he’s frustrated is because we live far from each other (LDR) and he feels powerless to help but I’ve told him before that I just need someone who can listen to me. I’ve offered him a clean friendly, break up before because I understand that it can be overwhelming to be with someone with a lot of baggage but he always says he just wants to be with me still. I’m gonna talk to him about it later today and see if what he wants to do.

No. 146393

bit of a different opinion but beforehand, when you talked about telling him bad news, how much of your conversations was actually negative? if not much in retrospect then dismiss my post, but if it was quite a bit, it could be he just got to his limit of being a sounding board for issues he cant fix. he probably doesn't want to break up with you, just wants you to be happier and have happier conversations with you. unfortunately friends are not substitites for therapists so at the end of the day, longterm issues like depression, will wither away the other person's patience but will not bring you comfort or healing.

No. 146406

In the context of online dating, isn't it a little suspicious when a guy sends a sparse text or so morning/midday, maybe a vague evening text, and then pretty much waits until he's going to bed to send a goodnight text?
I just feel like an option, not someone who he really looks forward in talking to, so he's just keeping up the bare maintenance in case I'm the fallback. It's a shame because when we met up for the date we had chemistry and he invited me to do a future date (although he's yet to follow up on the invite as a solid plan), but I feel put off by this.

No. 146409

Genuinely not meaning to sound snarky, but why would you assume you weren’t just “an option” after only one date? In the current dating scene it’s common for people to cast their nets wide and meet a bunch of different prospects to get a feel for them. Once you’ve gone on several dates (if it gets that far) and discuss where you both see things headed then you could expect more, but before that I wouldn’t presume exclusivity at all.

Also 3 texts a day is a lot for some people, hell I can barely muster a few words for my dearest friends when I’m super busy at work, dealing with responsibilities, feeling exhausted. And some people aren’t good with texting at all.

I’m just saying you shouldn’t presume he’s not interested based on his texting habits alone. It’s way too hard to presume much of anything about a person after meeting them once. That being said, I think people make time for those they’re really interested in, so if he wasn’t actively trying to schedule another date after a week+ he’s probably not too serious. (Unless there are big extenuating circumstances.)

No. 146430

Am I abusive because I hate my boyfriend's friends? I live in the Deep South and my boyfriend's friends are all incels and they say the most sexist redneck shit sometimes. They call women "females," they are obsessed with anime waifus and think tranny porn and Asian girls are top notch. They also all live at home and are close to or over 30 years old, don't know how to cook, unemployed etc. I already kind of forced him to stop being friends with his online long distance friends because they were total incel dickheads. I have tried really hard to be accepting but sometimes he'll tell me something they said and it makes me so angry. Am I being abusive by controlling his friend group? I think he is so much better when he's away from them, it makes me dislike him so much that his peers are a bunch of dumb fucks. I don't want to be abusive.

No. 146431


Anon, you are who you surround yourself with. He has no trouble surrounding himself with people like that because they are similar. I would seriously reconsider the bf.

No. 146446

But girls are females, anon. The word is actually inclusive because underage girls can't be called women. What say you?

No. 146463

Thanks for keeping the perspective anon, I just feel so gaslit when it comes to dating anymore that I don't really know how to interpret what from what. The last guy who acted interested was blowing me up and I was happy to oblige, but when in came to meeting me and proving his interest that's when he started to withdraw. No doubt you're right, that at the end of the day what counts is making plans and showing up.

No. 146475

My boy is one of those emotionally unavailable types. its beginning to get too much and I only see him on weekends, the excitement of first dating is gone, we tried living together but it didn't work out, hes losing his job.
He said a lowkey shitty thing to me earlier and it might be the last straw, i'm gonna call him later tonight if possible and I might have to break it off.
I need hype, I have abandonment issues and have never broken up with someone, the rush of loneliness and instant regret hurts too much

but damn I'm sick of feeling unloved and unsupported

No. 146476

honestly, if you guys already tried living together and it didnt work and you dont even really see each other anymore then theres no point in staying together. youre obviously incompatible. break up with him anon, you can do it! theres plenty of better guys out there.

No. 146479

ahh i try and justify it because we're both young and his living situation isn't ideal and a million other reasons but I think you're right, i'm gonna lay out all my cards and get my answers and im ready to fuck off and get my fuck on if need be

No. 146558

File: 1596731182257.gif (2.98 MB, 540x210, 179217.gif)

I share an apartment with my boyfriend, and though he loves me and does a lot for me, I don't know if I can stay with him.
1. I'm often repulsed by his humor and he doesn't get my jokes.
2. I often feel that we "speak different languages", or have a totally different worldview.
3. There's been instances where I felt manipulated and/or treated badly, even though the last time something really weird happened was several months ago (like him throwing a fit when I told him that I wanted to use a condom).
4. We have fights several times a day most of the time.
Maybe I'm just looking for reasons to break up, because I've been an asshole too (like being drunk and angry) and he does a lot for me (cooks, drives me places), because I'm over it, but I don't know.
I just don't know how I can do it, since I still care a lot about him.
I mean, I'm pretty much the only one he has and we live together, so actually breaking up will be very hard. I just don't know how to do it without pussying out and getting back together in the process, since I still have love for him, even though I might feel that he's not "the one" (if such a thing even exists).
How the fuck do I make up my mind and either work on our problems or go through with breaking up? I'm constantly obsessively thinking about this and I just have no fucking energy left. Sometimes I wish he'd just say something so unforgivable that I'd have an actual reason to break up.
I just wanted to vent. Maybe someone out there has been in a similar situation and has some advice, I'd be very grateful.

No. 146560

>fighting several times a day
Get out of there anon. In my experience, as soon as you start to actually consider leaving there's no saving the relationship. You wouldn't think about leaving this much if you loved him enough to spend the rest of your life with him. It sounds like you're staying with him out of habit and because he makes your life easy by doing things for you.
Also, getting mad at using a condom? What's the context? That's really weird.

No. 146562

Totally agree. One of the top signs of a toxic relationship is when fighting this frequently becomes normalized. That is not normal or okay, anon. Healthy relationships may include disagreements where you both respectfully discuss things with each other, but even those happen rarely when two people are right for each other.

You don't need to look for more reasons to break up. You have plenty of them, and they're very legitimate. Also, if the relationship is so great and worth saving, why are you the only one trying to address these issues? He is just as culpable but seems perfectly fine letting them sit while you struggle with this stress alone. Not worth it.

I've seen a lot of people, especially women, stay in bad relationships due to your reasoning. "But I still love him, and he relies on me/I'm the main person in his life." Not your problem. You will likely be surprised just how easily he moves on when he's forced to. If you really care about him then you need to stop enabling his shitty behavior. You staying in general is telling him, "Yeah, I can do whatever I want and pick fights with anon all the time, and she'll still stick around." That's not good for you nor something you should be "teaching" him.

No. 146564

Ladies please give it to me straight. If your partner has improved a lot of bad behaviors but sometimes reverts to their "old selves" in times of stress, do you think they deserve a break because we all fuck up, or are they just never going to change?

For the record it wasn't anything super traumatic (no hitting, name calling, stealing, cheating) but it was something I have repeatedly asked him not to do. I was just getting to the point where I felt like I could relax and trust him again, then he went sideways. He has apologized but I'm tired at this point. I want to feel like I can rely on him but I second guess his reasons for doing just about everything these days. Is that on me or him?

No. 146565

our brains are literally wired to fall back into our old habits when put under stress. If that's something you can deal with or not is up to you.

No. 146567

That's a fair point. Thank you. I feel very undecided right now but I'll try to figure out what I'm able to tolerate or not.

No. 146568

I think just the fact alone that he's trying this hard to change his habits for you shows he cares. It really depends on what he's doing - if it's simply something annoying or actually something that you can't forgive.

No. 146578

Thanks anon, that actually makes me feel a lot better. I think it's easy for me to get stuck on how things used to be at times, but that's not really fair to either myself or my partner in the present day. The thing he did is a sore spot for me, but at the same time I understand that he was feeling very desperate and upset at the time. I'm going to try and focus on the positive and chalk this up to something of a fluke.

No. 146588

I have no idea what's happening between my boyfriend and I. We dated for about a month, and recently decided to make it an exclusive relationship. We had sex for the first time and it went well. The next day we went on a cute date that ended earlier than we expected, so I suggested we go back to his place. He didn't really want to, he said that he'd only gotten a few hours of sleep the night before and he worked the next day so he didn't want to drive me home later. I didn't push the idea but i think he could tell i was disappointed so he ended up taking me to his place anyway.

We had sex then he drove me home in almost complete silence. i asked him what was wrong and he said that sleep deprivation was really bad for his mental health and he was just really tired. I apologized for keeping him up and he told me not to worry about it. He texted me the next day to tell me that when he got home that night, he had locked his keys in his car and had another poor sleep. I felt really bad and apologized again, and asked if there was anything i could do to help him feel better and he said no he just needed sleep.

Another day has gone by and I haven't heard from him. I know that he genuinely might just be really tired, but I have a hard time wrapping my head around this because i always show love to my SO no matter how tired, depressed, whatever.. because it makes me feel better. Part of me is worried that he finally got sex so now he's bailing. I really never got this vibe from him but i cant help but worry

No. 146596

I wouldn't overthink it too much anon, some people just have a hard time finding the energy to be lovey or talkative when they're really exhausted. Besides, if he was just in it for sex idk that he would have bothered to waited a month (a month isn't that long but I feel like most dudes who are just in it for sex aren't even patient enough for that). And if it is just about the sex well then he wouldn't have been so hesitant to go back to his place and he wouldn't bail after only 2 times imo. You've apologized and been supportive, just wait to hear back from him, I'm sure it won't be too long, he probably is just really tired!

No. 146597

I don't know the guy so I could be wrong but it really does sound like he was just exhausted. Me and my boyfriend have a tendency to stay up late when we stay over during weekends and he sleeps really well around me apparently and deals with it fine but more often than not my sleep is absolutely fucked. It doesn't take a lot of sleep deprivation for my mental health to nosedive to the point I'm entering a state of absolute darkness (thoughts become gloomier than normal) and even physical nausea tbh. In that state I have absolutely no extra willpower to spare on anyone else. So from a very sleep-dependent anon to you, I believe him. Do with my opinion what you will.

No. 146634

Thank you for the perspective, I’ll try to be patient!

No. 146655

Are those other anons just as innocent as you or what? He 100% sounds like he got sex then decided to fuck off.

No. 146656

Shit. Well this hurts.

No. 146659

Yeah I don’t think it’s looking good either anon, but don’t act until more time has passed. He could also be very tired, keep us updated

No. 146661

Sorry anon, but any man that cared about you wouldn't become distant, give dumb excuses then stop contacting you the day after you have sex.

No. 146662

Not to sound like some autistic fuck, but I really don't know what is so strange about acting tired when you are? But it's also a scrote we're talking about so high chance he just wanted some pussy and got tired of your ass. I would still just guess he was genuinely tired.

No. 146663

I agree.
Anon, he didn't want to bring you home and have sex because he was tired, but did anyway because you wanted to… and now you're upset because he's probably catching up on sleep after not getting any and then working the next day?
I don't understand how "I don't really want to take you home and have sex today because I'm tired" = he got sex and is now fucking off. It's not like he was pushing you to have sex and is now ghosting you.

No. 146695

>match with guy on app
>we have a lot in common and he seems nice, seems like a decent job
>confesses he's separating from his wife and doesn't use social media
>check his fb and it says married, but wife's fb does seem rather solo so it could be truth
>seems eager to text, asks me for selfies constantly which I don't like
>avoid some of his sexual jokes he texts, acts apologetic
>have a video chat before first date and he showers me with compliments
>first date goes well, but we met halfway and dinner was cheap so it wasn't a big investment for him
>asks me on a second date
>texting from him slow fades
>the day of the second date he cancels "due to work"
>later texts that work canceled but he still can't go on the date due to lack of mental energy
>reply that I would've said no anyway since I already got dinner
>he asks if I want to drive a few hours to spend a half day at his vacation property where he will be staying for a week
>lol no, wanna talk later?
>he acts like he's in trouble but agrees
>I miss his text because I genuinely fell asleep early and he didn't text until late
>send an apology
>today, radio silence

So I just told him his life seemed complicated and I was moving on. He was probably cheating while his wife is away or something. Fuck scrotes. They ruin everything.

No. 146696

from how I look at it, both ways are realistically possible (either he was really tired like he said, or he got his sex and bailed). Now you just need time to see how it plays out.

>I have a hard time wrapping my head around this because i always show love to my SO no matter how tired

I know for me personally though, when I'm really tired I need everyone to fuck off including my SO and leave me alone, it's not uncommon.

No. 146700

Men are giant manbabies when they're tired. There's nothing sus about his behavior at all, even pushing himself enough to muster sex, begrudgingly dropping you off, and then trying to guilt you for stupidly locking himself out is very expected behavior. Next time don't have sex when he's like that.

No. 146703


He dumped me. Over text. He said he just didn’t see it working out long term. I’m devastated because I really liked this guy, if he was faking the whole thing he had me FOOLED. The date went SO well until we went to his place… I don’t understand

No. 146704

Like literally everything was going perfectly. He seemed head over heels for me, he introduced me to his mom on this date (we were walking his family dog)

No. 146707

Did he feel pushed into having sex or something? Maybe that's what turned him off. Some guys can be really weird about sex because of religion, self esteem, etc.

No. 146710

No, he dumped anon because he felt he did something he didn't want to do.
And if there's anything that will doom you quicker in a man's mind, it's them feeling like you forced them to do something for you. Even if they benefited temporarily from that thing (the benefit here being sex, the devaluation of anon was blaming her for his locked out keys).

Anon I know you're hurt but it's good riddance. He didn't care about you at all. You'd only be subjected to these stupid manchild games throughout the relationship.

No. 146721

Ugh. Men are fucking awful sometimes. I wish they'd talk about their problems.

Guys often act enthusiastic and do shit then completely change their minds. Have you ever promised to do something or bought something on impulse then regretted it? Men are like that all the time for everything.

No. 146779

What a shitheel. Not only the lead up, but dumping over text is one of the trashiest and most emotionally immature moves someone can make. I know it sucks right now but I agree with the other anons, it's good you found out the type of person he is early on rather than wasting months or years having to deal with this level of manchild petulance.

No. 146782


shit fuck that guy, i'm sorry anon, if he didn't want to take you home he should have just stuck to that instead of being a passiveaggressive little bitch

he def wanted sex. you didn't pressure him into anything. so what you were disappointed, you're allowed to be disappointed, it's on him for making judgment against his own sleep deprivation.

yet he totally blamed you for his inconveniences. he has communication and commitment issues and unwillingness to take any responsibility, good riddance!

No. 146784


I’ve never been so blindsided by a breakup before. Like I wouldn’t have been surprised if this guy told me he loves me at any minute. I’d give anything just to have it go back to the way it was.

I think it was my fault. On the way to his place I got really quiet and he asked me what’s wrong. I told him I was uncomfortable because I could tell he didn’t really want me to come over. He assured me that it was ok but I stayed quiet and uncomfortable until we got to his place. I asked him if he wanted me to leave and he said no. Then I started to relax and things were ok again. Then on the drive home he got quiet and that’s when this whole thing started. I wish I hadn’t been weird and anxious and fucking stupid.

The worst part is that I texted him to ask him why he didn’t think it would work out, and he never texted me back. Such a slap in the face

No. 146785

No no no no. Please don't play that game and let his inability to communicate like an adult trick you into believing this is your fault somehow. Honestly this was such a minuscule and utterly meaningless thing for him to get his panties twisted over, he clearly did not have the brain cells required to be in a relationship anyway. It is no great loss to you at all.

>Bro says doing thing is okay but seems reluctant

>Girl says he seems reluctant, tells him it's okay to back out
>Bro assures her everything is good then broods when girl actually takes him at his word
>Bro breaks up with girl for believing what he told her

In what universe does that remotely make sense? And now he can't even manage to have an honest conversation with you about what his damage is, likely because he has no clue himself. He is the definition of a manchild anon, be glad he fucked off.

No. 146786

I keep trying to understand but I just don’t get how someone can go from so caring and affectionate to being so cruel that quickly. Wtf???

No. 146787

He got what he wanted.

No. 146788


Some people will turn on you at the slightest bit of discomfort or trouble. You make one "mistake" and instead of communicating their problem or giving you an opportunity to make things right they just use it against you and cut you off. It reeks of immaturity. For the record you did nothing wrong, if he really didn't want you to come over he should have stuck to saying no and not have told you it was okay if it really wasn't, especially when you were giving him an out.

I was one of the anons who replied to your OP and told you he was probably genuinely tired so I apologize for the shitty advice. Just a good reminder to always trust your gut I guess and if it says something's off then it probably is.

No. 146789

He never pushed me for sex at all though. didn't even push me to kiss. He was very respectful in that regard

No. 146790

He got some deep seated issues that are probably better you don’t know, it’ll just hurt to stay pondering too long, try to occupy yourself with something comfy for now anon

No. 146825

I'm trying but it's so hard. still no response from him but he just unfriended me on facebook.

No. 146828

he's gay anon

No. 146829

KEK. this is true btw, i learnt this the hard way

No. 146844

I WAS THINKING THE SAME THING. Imo it's really not normal to wait a whole month to have sex, and it is even weirder if the guy wasn't even that into kissing. He either wasn't attracted to anon or just gay kek. I don't think he broke up with her because "she made him do something he didn't want to do and men hate that". Just doesn't come across to me that way, it sounds more like he was genuinely kind of dreading having sex.

No. 146856

>Imo it's really not normal to wait a whole month to have sex

It's standard for a lot of people.

No. 146860

Gay? Nah. He's just got obvious issues and blamed anon for ~pressuring~ him into doing something he didn't actually wanna do despite himself agreeing to it. The sex was fine for him sure, but the effort of having to take her back made him twisted because he did not want to do this for her. Then he did something stupid and blamed anon for it. It's like gah, if only he hadn't caved in to that anon's disappointment, clearly she caused him to lock out his keys cause she just couldn't read his mind and go home! Men are this fucked up towards women they don't really care about. Men will treat you this indifferently if they want nothing to do with you and will use ANY reason to get rid of you.

I just had this very thing happen to me. Some scrote recently blamed me for making him "cave" into a relationship when I told him he could either change his relationship status to prove he was serious about me, or that I'd walk away and there would be boundaries with him. Well obviously he wanted my continuing attention, but he didn't want to be in a relationship with me. Even though thats what he said to my face and led me on about for a month. So he begrudgingly agreed and I knew it wasn't gonna last. In the meantime he cut off all texting and practically ghosted me. He lasted a week before he texted me to break up. He used me "laughing at him" as the reason because I made him "uncomfortable." Actually I just sent a laugh emoji earlier when he expected me to wait weeks to months for him to make a decision about having a relationship. He used that to extrapolate that I was "laughing at his issues" when all I was doing was laughing at his excuses–which is what they were clearly! See? Now he could say I was a mean bitch to him as the breakup reason instead of being the guy who led me on and said what he didn't mean for his selfish reasons. He had no problem dumping and blocking me. BUT when I told the "just a friend" woman he'd been courting before me about his antics and she blocked him, he frantically called her and begged for her back.
Don't you see? It has nothing to do with a man being gay. It has everything to do with a man not really wanting you. Men do for women they want.

It hurts, but don't internalize it OP. There's nothing you could have done or said differently that would have made this man value you more. If not this issue, he would have used a different incident to dump you. He didn't want you, but needed a better excuse to ditch you so he wouldn't look like the bad guy. I'm sorry this happened to you but at least now you can see it for the bullshit it is.

No. 146893


so he texted me in the middle of the night saying that he dumped me because he didnt think i valued or respected him after this incident. i pointed out to him that i gave him many chances to take me home and even offered to take the bus home. He said that he shouldve been more assertive and that it wasnt my fault, and that hes been dealing with bad insomnia all week. i told him that i hoped things turned around for him, and that i wasn't going to try to convince him to stay but i was sorry for making him feel unvalued. and yeah thats where we left off. idk

No. 146895

He's not worth it, he's a manbaby.

No. 146913

Hey y'all, I need help deciding if this guy is creepy or if I'm paranoid.

>go on first date

>he's nice, easy conversation, pays for my drink
>texts me later that day
>keeps calling me cute
>posts a pic we took of the table twice
>says he should've taken a pic of me
>screenshots a selfie I send him and reposts it

He's in college and has friends/exes so those are arguments that he's not psycho, right? Is he just too eager?

No. 146918

Creepy. Would you do that?

No. 146919

No. Sigh.

No. 146920

Um yes, that is creepy. I don't think it's I'm-going-to-murder-you creepy but it is absolutely an overeager type of creepy that would cause me to not go on a second date with a dude. It's a first date. You guys are basically strangers. It's VERY weird to repost a practical strangers selfie or otherwise act so familiar with someone you just met.

Guys who act like that are basically just putting you on a pedestal because they're desperate for a relationship/sex. They aren't seeing the real you, and it could be literally any girl that they would do this to, because it's not about you, it's about the idea of the relationship/sex.

No. 146922

Thank you for being a voice of reason. Reddit and 4chan would both be filled with dudes saying "it's nothing, give him a chance". Sad because I actually liked him and he was normal in person.

No. 146923

I know how you feel! Reminds me of a dude I went on a couple dates with, totally normal and nice in person but soon he was sending me poems about what an ethereal goddess I was lmao. It sounds romantic but it just felt dehumanizing since he didn't really know me. Not saying these guys are bad people necessarily maybe just immature or not ready to date

No. 146930

So, I am having trouble gauging where some boundaries should be in my relationship.

I live with my boyfriend of 2 years, who I do love. He is a pretty secure, nice, supportive, good looking guy. we share many of the same values and interests. Things are mostly good but there is something thats been bothering me. he is REALLY into costhots/instathots and he personally knows many.

Before we started dating he had slept with a few medium success cosplayers/instagram/twitch girls most of them were…really skanky. Definitely some people who could be posted in the extreme Photoshop threads too.

Anyway, we are monogamous and I don't have a problem with him looking at porn at all, but he has this fucking obsession with girls and cosplayers he knows, some of whom follow him on socials. He will do everything he can to see their nudes if they're online somewhere. He had a patron for following female "friends'" nudes (some of the girls knew he followed, some of them didn't.) Many of the girls have boyfriends so I don't think he is specifically trying to cheat or anything like that, especially not during a pandemic. He especially likes it when he finds out a costhot follows him.

I find his specific hyperfixation on real girls who follow him, who he knows and talks to sometimes really disgusting. I don't want to go digging though his shit, because that is a major violation of trust, but I see some of his social scouring in our shared computer history. I am not sure if he has a pay onlyfans that he uses to watch his "friends" but i feel like he might.

TLDR: am I super insecure and in the wrong for wanting him to fucking stop looking at nudes of women he personally knows??? It makes me really angry.

IDK why he can't just get off to normal porn of strangers like everyone else.

No. 146934

Anon what the fuck. It’s creepy enough to be super into porn stars, but this internet stalking of people he knows personally is beyond creepy. I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s even more to it that you don’t know about. Get some real standards, Christ

Is this some Madonna whore shit or is he just a completely degenerate coomer? This is why you don’t act ok with men watching porn, give an inch…

No. 146944

I agree that it's creepy as fuck. Don't agree that restricting access to reg porn is ok, as I would never stay with a partner who was so controlling of me.

I did search his nsfw account name on OF and found that he made an account with the same profile header and image he uses. I'm thinking of just asking him if he made an account and why to see if he will fess up but it will betray that I have been snooping in our (undeleted) history and I am afraid he is just going to get better at covering his tracks.

Is it worth coming off as a cyberstalker to outright ask in order to open a candid discussion about it?

No. 146945

You know that you can have standards and that they can include men who don’t watch porn? Of course, that only makes sense if you yourself don’t watch it. But don’t let yourself be memed into thinking that having standards is controlling.

Anyway, just bring it up. I doubt it will help, at best he will act sorry and keep doing that shit in private. He’ll more likely get mad and try to turn it on you. You don’t even need to bring up the snooped stuff, just say that his obsession with real people is some sexual predator type shit (you don’t have to use those words, but damn I just can’t imagine tolerating this at all)

Have the balls to break up with him when it goes south, because things will get worse if you don’t

No. 146947

I had a similar problem, my bf was good friends with a insta/costhot who is pretty popular online. I saw she was the top searched on his Instagram one day and called him out for it cuz it’s hella creepy.
He responded by deleting all his socials without me asking, so I kinda forgave.
If I were in your shoes I’d be gone with the wind, you ain’t no cuck

No. 146980

Always trust your instincts when something feels off and don't even entertain the idea of asking inceloid creeps on Scrote-chan and Reddit if a guy sounds okay or not.

No. 146993

Finally bit the bullet and hit the guy I've probably been seeing regularly since mid-late June with the dreaded "What are we?" question last night. He said we're FWB. On paper, I wouldn't mind being a casual arrangement like this - I don't think I'm ready to invest myself in a real committed relationship at this point in time.

But I get the feeling that what we do together might be too intimate to be considered just a "friends with benefits" relationship. The fact that I'm even on this thread feeling antsy about this is likely evidence enough that I'm in too deep. Here's the thing: I'm not entirely familiar with what the boundaries between a FWB and a boyfriend are supposed to be, so it'd be helpful if a third party could help me out.

We first met on a dating app, so we were never even "friends" beforehand.
>constant pda (hand holding, cuddling, kissing, etc. including in front of his friends)

>his friends know about me

>been to his family's house and met his aunties and even his mom one time
>going on "dates" and often spending the entire day together
>stay the night at his place every time

I feel like I kinda played myself and let myself get a bit infatuated with him. He said that he's always had this apathy towards sex and dating in general, and that he never had a real girlfriend before despite the fact that he's dated other women. Did I fuck up?

No. 146994

No , hes just a sleazebag . He obviously likes you and cares about you but he wants to have his options open.
I had an ex that did that same shit when I asked what were we, and then some days later this popular/hot guy told me he wanted to bang me so I told my "fwb" that and then I said "i guess i can say yes right?" He changed SO QUICKLY to "no, you're my gf".

No. 146995

Yeah, sounds like he gets everything from you he wants from a girlfriend, without giving you any of the commitment that would usually come with this type of arrangement. The fact you are even on this thread is proof you’re in too deep. Personally, if you’re fine with way your current relationship is set up- I don’t see the issue with you continuing as long as you’re aware of where you stand with this guy. If not, I’d say cut your losses while you still can. Also, men who display “apathy” towards dating and sex are normally huge jerks, not broken wallflowers that just need a nice girl to fix them.

No. 147042


Yeah. I appreciate the feedback. If anything, it solidified the idea that I am not being a total psycho to not be ok with that.

Update, I actually did confront him (calmly) and my hand was on his shoulder for a few moments and I could feel his heart fucking POUNDING. He immediately said he signed up bc he was 'curious what one girl was posting that he used to know" and apologized and showed me that it was a free sub and took his credit card info off the site. I told him I was not cool with him paying money to see nudes of people he knows or that I know, and that it is weird. He is a not a confrontational guy and he agreed and said that was fair.

I still don't think he understands that it is uncool that he has so much interest in acquaintances's OF and lewds, but that is a deeper problem.

Anyway I'm going to keep an eye out for sketchy shit now, but i suspect if he is up to anything he is going to work extra hard to keep me from seeing it.

No. 147043

His heart was pounding bc he knows what he's doing is wrong

No. 147046

A guy I was talking to for a couple months in my mutual friend group would always take hours and sometimes days to reply, and never initiated conversations, only reply when I started them. Now that I’ve dropped him due to his clear lack of interest, he’s started crawling back and asking if I’ve gotten his texts and always talking to me with our friends and seeking me out. He seemed quite sad about me not replying anymore, but this is after months of attempts to get him to formally ask me on a date or create conversation. I should just continue to ignore him, right? He’s even telling friends that he likes me, when originally he said he couldn’t be sure he did until we talked more. I don’t see the game he’s playing at, unless he was just an attention whore.

No. 147050

> quite sad about me not replying anymore, but this is after months of attempts to get him to formally ask me on a date or create conversation
He doesn't want to date you, he wants you to randomly message him saying you're horny some night, imo that's what he's hanging on in hopes of. Not a relationship or anything that requires effort on his part.

No. 147051

The weird thing is he was never sexual in any form, didn’t even pick up on attempts at flirting, so ultimately I assumed he had no interest at all. I’ve come to the conclusion he probably was trying to play multiple cards at once and decided on me, as if that would work at all.

No. 147065

Sounds like he had some irons in the fire, or was feeling lukewarm on you and now he's suddenly lonely so that option is looking a lot more appealing. I don't think that's an automatic deal-breaker, he could grow to like you for real, but you shouldn't be particularly flattered about this. It's definitely worth proceeding with caution and not getting attached since there is a high chance of being used. if you just want to fuck, thats fine. If you want something deep you might want to wait for someone to come along who is actually excited to talk to you from the beginning.

No. 147121

I've been dating my boyfriend for 2 years and everytime we have plans he never sets an alarm and I have to call him over and over to wake him up. Well today we have plans, he suggested them to me, actually, and I wake up early so I can do my usual routine of getting him to wake up at a decent hour, and today his phone died. I tried messaging him through discord but no luck. So I'm sitting here feeling like shit because my adult boyfriend cant wake himself up and I'm basically being stood up. If he doesnt wake up before 3 then I'm also gonna have no fucking ride to work, icing on the cake I guess.

No. 147129

I'm sorry anon, that sounds really shitty and frustrating. How does he even hold down a job if he can't maintain a schedule on his own?

No. 147131

Did he ever wake up?

No. 147134

He's taking you for granted. If he really cared about you then he'd haul ass.

No. 147141

suffocate him with a pillow. you'll never have to wake him up again.

No. 147146

Don't take this the wrong way anon, but you set the wrong tone the second you took over an adult man's responsibility to wake his self out of bed. If he can get out of bed for school or work, then he could do it for you too. The issue at play is that he now takes for granted that you will be the motivator.
The problem now is, now that you see this as a problem, any reasonable criticism or boundary you put up for this behavior will likely end with him thinking you're suddenly a bitch for wanting him to be more responsible for himself.

You can try talking to him, but I doubt this will change. I don't know how you've put up with it for so long but it's not normal.

No. 147163

I feel so lost in life. I grew up with a crack whore mother, no dad, no siblings, never met my cousins and my grandparents are dead. As soon as I turned 18 I left. I went into horrible relationships but couldn't leave because I had no other family or friends. I finally enrolled in uni but just announced the entire semester will be online. The few friends I were making all went back home. I'm working a decent job saving money but dont see a purpose in anything without a relationship. Guys I meet on dating apps ghost if they dont get sex immediately. The few times I waited and felt their was something,I still get ghosted. I dont see a purpose in living with zero family, friends, a significant other.

No. 147183

Looking for some general advice on a complicated situation. I have a friend who I've known for about 10 years, who we'll call Amy. My problem is she refuses to attend any kind of social event with my boyfriend. The reason is that one of her friends, let's call her Bella, used to date my boyfriend. They dated for about 4 months and never became 'official', but I guess the split really upset her, because Amy refuses to be around my boyfriend on her behalf. Afaik he didn't do anything to hurt her, but the split was on his terms. They broke up at the very beginning of the year, and haven't spoken since.

I was sympathetic at first because sure, awkward situations and I didn't want Amy to feel like she was being caught in the middle of something, especially if she felt she needed to support Bella. But we've been together since April now, and I'm not asking her to hang out just the 3 of us, literally just attend some social gatherings like a bbq with loads of other people. My boyfriend has made it clear he won't try to interact with her if she doesn't want him to. But every time I invite her to something, her first response is 'if your boyfriend is there, then no'. Is it unfair of me to expect our friendship to at least mean she'd try to be civil? Do you think with more time, this will pass? I don't want to be made to pick between them because by all means I don't want to lose her, but I guess I'm getting frustrated, I've never dealt with something like this before.

No. 147184

I’m not saying relationships in general aren’t worthwhile anon, of course they can be very meaningful, but everyone is in a weird place with COVID right now. Life will eventually go back to normal and you’ll have a more typical level of social interaction at that point.

Until then and in general, it’s important to find comfort being on your own. It sounds like you’ve had a really tough life and been on your own for a long while, but when you’re desperate for any type of contact at all, that’s how you get stuck in those crappy relationships and accept less than you deserve from people. My humble advice is that you need to find activities and goals that bring you joy and a sense of accomplishment in yourself. When you have a base level of contentment then having other people consistently around is a bonus but not a necessity, so you can pick and choose the good ones.

The fact that you have a good job and got into uni in itself is admirable. You’re already doing awesome. There are a lot of crappy guys out there true, but sometimes you have to go through a lot of trash to find the hidden gem. I just hope you prioritize your own growth over a relationship.

No. 147185

Honestly, I'd do nothing. If she wants to pout and miss out on fun events that's on her. Let her wake up one day and realize she's become socially inept.

No. 147187

This is weird and stupid. It’s not even Amy who used to date your boyfriend, but some third party? Is she 12? Come on.

I would have a heart to heart with her and say that boyfriend is a part of your life now and it hurts that she avoids you because of this relationship. He didn’t do anything wrong to her and it doesn’t even sound like he was dismissive of the friend he used to date. I totally agree that she’s prioritizing this non-issue of existing in the same space as a guy over a 10-year friendship, which is insane.

Ultimately though people are going to do what they want, so if she makes this the hill she wants the friendship to die on, so be it. You aren’t the unreasonable one.

No. 147188

Unless he did something really fucked up to Bella (which I'm guessing he didn't or Amy would have mentioned it), Amy is being a huge baby for sure. If she has a legitimate issue with the guy, she should explain it to you like an adult. Otherwise, she needs to get over herself.

No. 147212

It could be that she has a crush on your boyfriend, or it could be that this guy is a huge creep and you aren't seeing it. It could be that the way you act around your boyfriend weirds her out or makes her feel neglected. For a 10 year friendship, it's worth it to plan a social activity with her and without your boyfriend and try to figure out what's going on.

No. 147223

More of a vent if anything, but I'm NEVER going to pursue a guy recommended by my mutual friends ever again.
I gave the last moid too much benefit of the doubt and was nice, when ordinarily I would have stuck to my guns and upheld boundaries all because my good friend stanned for him and assured me he was good. In reality he was leading me on, manipulating me into accepting the contact he had with exes/women he was interested in before me, and ultimately lying to me about his intentions. He used me for his ego validation and then discarded me when I asked him to prove he was actually going to commit to me in the way he had said. That bastard was just fielding his options and wasn't taking me seriously at all. He covered his bullshit by trying to claim "mental illness" but I saw through that and properly called him out. Yeah, I was mean to him about it but that shitbag embarrassed me and wasted my time.

Unfortunately when I told my friend about it (who I now feel is a bit of a pickme herself) even though she ultimately sided with me she thought I was still too mean because she thoroughly believed that scrote's mental illness excuse. I'm pissed that he might have damaged my friendship with her because society is still too conditioned to forgive men for being manipulators and liars as long as they claim anxiety or some shit because god forbid there's consequences to fucking with a woman's life and feelings.

No. 147229

her having feelings for him has crossed my mind, but I have no proof of that. It just seems like her reaction is so…ott. I know I"m bias but I've never got a dodgy feeling from my bf and I don't know anyone else that has a negative opinion of him. I will try to meet up with her just us two and see if I can calmly confront her about it.

No. 147230

Ugh I'm sorry to hear all this anon, I haaate when people use mental illness as a shield to defend shithead behavior.

I have a mental illness, my boyfriend has a mental illness, several of my friends have fucking mental illnesses… it doesn't mean we go around using other people, lying about our intentions and generally causing pain and suffering to those around us. In fact if anything I try to be extra careful of how I treat others because I know I can't always trust my own perspective. Mental illness may make relationships harder but it's NOT an excuse for bad behavior, especially when you already know about your condition. He should've taken some fucking responsibility for himself like any competent adult would. I'm glad you called him out.

No. 147231

Thank you anon, that really put a smile on my face

No. 147261

I don't know if it's me, or the big city that I live in, but I find it so hard to connect with anyone. Even on dating apps where you'd think that being a pretty average but cute girl would give you plenty of choice, I hardly get any chat.

I recently went on a few dates and had sex with a cute guy and had a really good chemistry in person which made me pretty hopeful, asked him something pretty innocuous a few days ago and since then, no texts.

Did I say something dumb? Should I not sleep so early with people? Did he get back with an ex after all?

I'm too prideful to double text to know why but I'm really annoyed just because I'm fairly good a reading people and we definitely had a nice chemistry in person.

No. 147343

A lot of men use Tinder for hook-ups. Personally, I would not have sex with a man until at least three months of commitment (without telling them). It weeds em out.

No. 147351

I'd stick with this advice. Also, I actually found my long-term boyfriend through Tinder, but I specifically stated on my profile that I wasn't looking for hook-ups. Did men who wanted hook-ups still contact me anyway? Sure, but it also helped communicate to the guys who similarly wanted something meaningful that I might be a good fit.

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