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Tell us how you really feel
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I want to off myself lol
I just posted here, that wall of text lamenting about my shit childhood. I should start a diary again. I want to feel numb so badly, I feel ill with the amount of flashbacks I’m dealing with today and my inability to eat.
I really don’t know how to keep going on like this. But I’ve tried to kill myself 3 times, the third time I thought would be a surefire way to work, took as much Remeron as I could. I kept waking up anyway. I didn’t tell anyone, I probably should’ve, I felt like I was dying, but I never did, I should’ve gotten my stomach pumped, because now it’s basically in tatters. I took it as some corny sign that I should probably keep on living, I just don’t know what for. I want to be a successful person, but my fucked up brain holds me back. I feel legitimately retarded at times. I guess it’s not that I want to be dead, I just want a better life, a good childhood. Truthfully, now I’m scared of death. So I must keep going on, I guess I don’t have much choice. I don’t know how to feel better, distract myself, without relapsing. I was doing really well for awhile. I'm hoping that will come back soon, my drive to live in hopes that one day I’ll be happy. I think it will happen eventually. That I’ll be happy enough to really live and not just survive. I hope, kek.