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No. 358357
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>>358345To the nona who made the last post in the previous thread:
Maybe you would be more comfortable in a physically close relationship, as in not long distance. If this isn't working for you it's okay to end it, although I don't think that's what you're hoping to hear you should potentially consider it for your own wellbeing. LDR isn't for everyone. What if you stopped trying to "fix" your feelings of being rejected for months and instead you listened to them and sought out a relationship that met your needs?
No. 358379
>>358364Ah, I see. Bummer. I’m rooting for you being able to move and get the closeness you need. I guess he probably can’t move because of work not being available in your area?
When I’m dealing with a bummer situation and strong emotions I do a worst-case/best-case mental exercise. It’s like imaging in the worst version of events what would happen and what you can do to prevent it, and imagining the ideal version of events and what you can do to make it happen. It can take your mind of immediate anxieties and be motivating / help you feel less stuck by planning on what you can do instead of only focusing on what’s happening currently.
No. 358502
>>358379Thanks so much
nonny, I'll definitely be running some scenarios to keep my head busy, this is brilliant general advice and you're great!
No. 358511
I've known this guy for all my life, we have been friends for 10 years and in a relationship for a good part of those 10 years. He's probably one of the people that know me the most and I have always gotten along very well with him, but lately I've been feeling like he is being rude, and an asshole in general to me, I don't understand, he knows very well im sensitive.
For context:
He has never had much money, we used to split payments all the time and sometimes I even was who paid.(Never huge amounts of money, mostly food or money to use when we go out, taxis, etc) However this year he just got a very good job and has a lot more money than me as a college student, he only dedicates to works and buys expensive things for him (for example a super expensive pc setup), but he still wants to split payments all the time, is that bad or okay? I'm confused and honestly it kind of hurts me, he used to promise that when he would have money he would gift me things and return the favor of all the times I paid. I have spoken to him about this and he gets angry at me and calls me superficial,tells me that I only care about money and that relationship should be half and half, and there is no reason why the man should pay a woman's things.
No. 358513
>>358512>>358511Sorry I'm the same anon as before but I posted accidentally. I felt like my limit was at the moment he was bragging me about some new pc components he bought, and that same day when we went out and got an uber drive that was only 4 dollars he wanted to split that payment as well, and even had a list of money that I owed him apparently, of the times he had paid anything for me, even for a fucking McDonald's ice cream lol.
I feel so confused and heartbroken because more than a boyfriend I saw him as a best friend, I really felt there was a lot of trust between us, also because of all the years of knowing eachother, but there is no point, I can't talk to him about this, he gets angry back at me all the time.
I would appreciate both opinions of why he is like this, and what should I do?
I also have tried to breakup with him but he weirdly is very insistent we stay together
No. 358552
>>358513>>358511This is super ridiculous and unreasonable of him. Who the fuck keeps tabs of what their girl/friend of ten years "owes" them for shit like mcdonalds ice cream?? That's insane.
>I also have tried to breakup with him but he weirdly is very insistent we stay togetherThat is very concerning. He wants to stay together because he's taking advantage of you, he has a sweet deal (for him) and he doesn't have to reciprocate care to you. Break up with him for real.
Probably not worth the effort to put it together, but you should send him an invoice for everything you paid for, and if you do housework you should send him an invoice for the going hourly rate of that work multiplied over ten years, every time he came and you didn't cum you should invoice him for, etc. and also tack on a "status" fee for the social clout you give him just by being his partner so he doesn't look like the loser he is.
After ten years of being your friend and partner he should not be thinking you owe him anything, if he liked you he would be thinking of your money and good fortune as a shared thing. He doesn't like you, maybe he thinks he does but these aren't the actions of a man who loves a woman. Listen to your gut that he's being an asshole.
No. 358563
>>358554Break up with him, he sounds like a total loser. Making rape jokes is already bad enough, but making rape jokes next to your girlfriend is next level retardation. Does he have
any redeeming qualities? He sounds mentally delayed.
No. 358566
>>358556I don't know why but I don't like hearing about it either unless it was fairly recent and is relevant to me (to get a realistic performance expectation or to protect against pregnancy at a time when I was using the pullout method). I like a solo masturbation sometimes myself but I don't usually tell him about it, people should just keep this to themselves for the most part.
>>358554Agree with the other nonas he seems retarded, possible medically. It's like the behavior of a 15 year old menace at school not a grown man who is your boyfriend. Break up.
No. 358628
I started talking to a guy online who seems cool but I have 0 expectations. But I showed some of the messages to my mom and asked her if she thought it was appropriate to keep the conversation going and she was like, stop replying otherwise you'll seem desperate, he'll reach out if he wants something, you'll scare him away, just respond with, "Okay, I see." etc. I was like I don't even know if I like him, he just seems interesting to talk to, why can't I do that without playing stupid games? I ignored her advice and kept talking which he didn't seem to mind. I showed his last message to my mom and she was like, "so what, he just likes talking about himself like everyone else. You just asked a question and he replied." I don't get it, does she hate me? It just feels like whenever I have something slightly good going on she tries to make me feel bad about it. Is she trying to sabotage me on purpose or does she actually think she's helping me somehow? This feels like the one time I had a group of friends and she told me none of them liked me despite always complaining about how I need to make more friends.
No. 358641
>>358640Sorry but grow up and out if the
victim complex, you know you dont actually believe that.
No. 358644
>>358640This is an unproductive, untrue line of reasoning and it reeks of self-pity. I am saying this because I recognize the darkest parts of my own psyche in your words: you are absolutely able to leave. You are not crazy and this is not the best you can do. If you are emotionally intelligent enough to recognize something is very wrong here, you are smart enough to take the chance and put yourself first. I have been in your shoes and felt this pain and after the weeks of grief passed I realized with alarming clarity just how much better off I was alone.
Get out of there, nonichka. I'm rooting for you
No. 358667
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How do I make my Nigel obsessed with me again? It’s currently a LDR so I don’t know what to do. We call everyday and he seems eager to do so still (even with our conflicting timezones; he wakes up early just to talk/play video games with me), but he used to message me constantly at the beginning, which has since dwindled. I found some screenshots in my camera roll of his messages, they are so sweet and sincere , these days such messages are very rare and don’t have the same intensity behind them? It might just be my imagination or I’m being oversensitive, or maybe the honey moon period is real + over, but perhaps there is something I can do to make him feel that passion for me that he once did? It broke my heart reading those old messages…
When I would message him at the start of us talking, he would answer so promptly and extensively. Now, I see he’s online on telegram so I message him, and suddenly he is “last seen moments ago”. I know he doesn’t mean to be neglectful, but I get insecure and delete the messages because I feel stupid and like he doesn’t currently want to hear from me. Nonnas what is wrong with me? Am I being selfish? He’s attentive when we call, so I’m trying not to blackpill myself here…
No. 358678
>>358670Not yet… we are planning to this Christmas. I am not exaggerating though, we talk for at least an hour every day and for many hours over the weekend, so even though it’s LDR, we spend lots of time together (in a way?)
>>358676I think you might be into something nonna… it hurts but I think I’ll put a little distance between us, I don’t want to appear too needy for him (which I worry I am)
No. 358702
>>358667You need to communicate this with him. Maybe he's busy and no you're not being clingy. If you haven't even met up yet then I don't see why the honeymoon period would be over already. He should be excited to see what you are like in person and still be very curious about you. I would be weary of his real self if he continues to grow more and more distant as time goes on.
>>358678I recommend not hiding your real self and how you truly feel. If he has a problem with you expressing interest in him, consider it a bullet dodged or that you two simply have very different communication styles and aren't compatible. He doesn't get to be neglectful or lazy. Despite what the other anon says, you don't want to waste your time playing emotional games with a moid like that. If you want to be serious with him, the point is to be an adult, communicate, and show your authentic self. Not make him want to chase you like a cheap date. Someone who truly loves and cares about you will listen to you and accept that they need to do at least the bare minimum to make you happy.
No. 358785
>>358779The both of you sound mentally ill, I suggest therapy because even I had trouble parsing this brainrot. You two are acting like toddlers and obviously have unresolved issues but rather than discuss them like mature adults, you'd rather pout and accuse. I don't know what sort of perspective you want because your entire post is incessantly focusing on all things irrelevant.
>Why did you place yourself in a situation where your boyfriend would have a reason to accuse you of infidelity (going a cruise)?>Why is your boyfriend such a bitch when it comes to confrontation and how do you even put up with his passive-aggressiveness>Clarify your job situation a little, how often did you two get to see each other, how much free time did you two even have?Also what the fuck does this mean:
>I didn’t wanna spend all morning talking or distract him at work so I kind of rushed it>And I was confused I told him I thought we were already in good terms already? Bc we talked in the amIf you didn't give yourself enough time to air out your grievances and his then how can you say you're on good terms? Seems like you two do you a lot of insinuating and a lot less talking.
Honestly breaking up was the right choice.
No. 358809
>>358785>Why did you place yourself in a situation where your boyfriend would have a reason to accuse you of infidelity (going a cruise)?I had to accompany my cousin who is under 18 and it was already planned from a couple months before I met him. It was strictly to have her passport stamped.
>Why is your boyfriend such a bitch when it comes to confrontation and how do you even put up with his passive-aggressivenessI don’t know what you mean by this I don’t see it
>Clarify your job situation a little, how often did you two get to see each other, how much free time did you two even have?We would see eachother every day after he finished work which was at around 5pm. Apparently though he had been pushing off work when we first started going out. He would have to stay a little past his scheduled shift to finish but instead he would leave when it was the official time. But then he got to a point where he couldn’t keep doing that and had to stay way past so he could catch up on everything he’d put on the backlog. But I never knew any of this. He only told me the second instance. There were times where he stayed Jill’s an hour or so past but he would let me know. But then the first time it was just so late (10) plus he didn’t say anything throughout. Just after he finished he called me wanting to know if I wanted to be picked up.
> If you didn't give yourself enough time to air out your grievances and his then how can you say you're on good terms? Seems like you two do you a lot of insinuating and a lot less talking.I only rushed it after we thought we were on good terms. Because he said he understood me. And then we talked a bit about unrelated stuff like he even asked me about my new job which remember I had told him about but he left me on read. So when we both were calmer or at least sounded that way I didn’t wanna take up much of his time anymore. I guess maybe I should have asked, are we okay now? Are we still together? Are we hanging out later? But we sounded so nice to each other I didn’t want to ruin it or bring things up again or etc. idk
No. 358811
>>358640classic
toxic bpdchan and adhdkun relationship
No. 358845
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>>358837Before him I didn’t wanna be with anyone. But when we were good he was really good to me and had been what I always wanted. I don’t think I’ll find someone that wants to treat me like he wanted to. And I don’t want to I really jhate moids and dating. He was very nurturing to me. He cooked for me. He didn’t care I don’t like to cook. He understood that I have issues interacting and that I’m a little retarded. He’s like a dad to me I’ve never had anyone show me unconditional love like he did. Not my mom or dad or grandparents. No one but he has. One time I cried bc I felt so loved by him and I didn’t know I needed that so much. He doesn’t make fun of me. I feel like I ruined things. But I’m so confused how he just went from that to “we are not together anymore”. I don’t know if he means it literally or he’s “repeating” what I said. But I think he means it. And I don’t know what else to do and I’m scared to try anything. I don’t feel confident. I feel ashamed and embarrassed. I’m mostly confused. I thought he wanted to make things work again and get us back together because in the morning when we talked he sent me screenshots of his text conversation where he was planning to meet with his friend the night before when I went all crazy and called him a bunch of times and cut up his underwear and threatened him. He sent me that and I read it and I told him I believed him and I thought we were good. But then he says “we are not together”. I’m just so hurt. Do you think I can make things right? The only thing I didn’t do that I think I should was apologize. But I never did because I opened up before and he left me on read. I also never thanked him for sending me proof to soothe me. I just feel like it’s all my fault. But I asked to meet because I wanted to talk a little more and say that sort of stuff in person. My chest hurts a lot but idk ninjas should I just leave it. I already asked my dad if I could go stay with him for some time and made plans and I might leave tomorrow. We would be four hours away from eachother which I think would be good for me. But should I try to reach out? I deleted his contact but I’m sure it’s in my call history. I haven’t looked for fear of memorizing his number. Should I try talking again? Or is it not worth it? I feel like he doesn’t care anymore. Like it’s very obvious but I am deluded there is some hope. I’ve been laying in bed all day crying wasting away
No. 358870
>>358845didn't read your first post cause it was a rambling mess but
>called him a bunch of times and cut up his underwear and threatened himi don't think it's gonna work out.
No. 358884
>>358809I am sorry for being so harsh, I don't think you deserved to be targeted that way. That said, this relationship was doomed. If you have to continually second-guess your boundaries, you know you're in a bad place.
>I don’t know what you mean by this I don’t see itAnytime you tried to initiate a dialogue, you'd were given the cold shoulder or were treated to the usual cliches. That's coward behavior, loving partners don't do that to each other. You deserve better.
The situation with his job is even worse, he skips work to see you knowing that it'll mess him up later, that's another red flag. Again where is the communication? Why weren't the two of discussing work-related boundaries?
>But we sounded so nice to each other I didn’t want to ruin it or bring things up again or etcThis is such a major red-flag, I can't even. Look, relationships will always be fraught with difficult conversations and some of them are warranted . Your comfort and mental health should always be your first priority. If you feel unheard, unseen and more importantly unsure, you need confirmation and given that this moron just plays some of the weirdest head-games with you means that you can't really establish any sensible boundaries.
No. 358993
>>358845from what it sounds like you have a lot of time ahead of you to meet other people, there are endless positive and happy outcomes possible other than the one you've decided on in your head.
with that being said-
>before when I went all crazy and called him a bunch of times and cut up his underwear and threatened him.this is mentally unstable behavior pls seek help
You wont be able to function properly in a healthy relationship if you continue with this way of processing emotions, I recommend working on yourself before committing to an emotional investment
No. 359154
Ok nonas I've posted here before but once again I need your input.
Just found out that my bf that I've lived with for years is a pig, I think? Basically, he's told me that he and his team at work has a had running joke about one colleague fapping a lot. Ok, whatever, men are fucking stupid.
Today I found out that my bf has been making memes about this and sending them to the fapping-addict. One of them is a picture of their colleague (a woman) with the text "Did you cum today"?, because apparently the fapper has a crush on her.
So my bf, a man in his thirties, has taken the time to find a picture of this girl they work with, who can't be older than 22, writing sexist bullshit on said picture, and sending it to his colleague as "a joke". Not just once. REPEATEDLY.
I'm honestly disgusted. Imagine working with a bunch of guys sexualising you as a joke.
Anyway, I'm pretty certain I'm going to dump him over this. Am I overreacting or not, nonas?
No. 359164
>>359154Thats fucking weird and if the chick finds out him and the other dude will get fired for sexual harassment.
Tell the chick if you do dump him, or hell even if you dont if you want him to be the one to nuke the relationship.
It tells me his morals are off, and I couldnt trust a man like that not to do more nefarious shit.
No. 359190
>>359164>>359161>>359157>>359156Honestly I feel so apathetic right now. I've spent like 1/3 of my life with this guy and I've either been fucking dumb or he's been an expert at hiding his hatred towards women, but I NEVER thought I'd have to dump him for being a sexist pig.
I haven't confronted him yet because 1) shock, 2) I have a huge presentation next week that I don't want to ruin because of him and the whole mess of moving out. Fortunately I'm great at dissociating because I feel sick just sitting in the same room as him.
Anyways thanks for your advice nonas, I appreciate you all + that you're agreeing with how fucked this is. I feel like I've wasted so many years rn.
No. 359210
>>359186Nona marrying this moid is a terrible idea. You said yourself the only reason he wants to get married is for his own advantage, you’re completely dismissing your own happiness and stake in this.
Moids will only mistreat you as much as you allow them to. My bf knows I would kill him if I caught him looking at instathots and following them or checking out other women, and he respects my boundaries about it. He doesn’t even watch anything with female nudity or sex scenes or women in bikinis or whatever around me and won’t compliment other women in front of me. You’re not respecting yourself or your own boundaries here nona.
No. 359428
>>359280Not within the context of her behaviour imo.
Not that I think they should marry but that's for other reasons.
No. 359461
>>359190Nona I'm curious, how did you find out about the gross pics of the coworker? Did your bf show them to you, thinking (like a moron) that you'd find it funny as well?
I'm sorry he turned out to be such a scrote. I understand wanting to postpone the breakup bc of your presentation and wanting to get it over with first. It really sucks you feel like you've wasted your time with this misogynist moron. However, you haven't wasted anything: as you said he didn't show up these signs before. And as soon as he did, you're ready to move on and leave him in the trash like he deserves. That shows how great and strong you are and that you have female solidarity for the coworker. It's great that you're not making excuses for him and letting it slide.
Maybe this sounds weird but I'm proud of you! I used to be such a doormat in my past situationship and overlooked so many things, trying to understand his point of view till the cows came home. This left me with nothing but even shittier self-esteem and feeling like I betrayed myself and my values. You're an inspiration for real kek
Good luck with your presentation and wishing you well in the upcoming breakup process and moving on to bigger and better things!
No. 359470
>>359346>>359416>>359421>>359428>>359447>>359450It doesn’t even matter anyways because when I went to talk with him he said to give him think about us. And today he messaged me this after talking on the phone with me last night
> Good morning beautiful I just wanted to say that I do like you but I think it's better if we give each other time. I'm really sorry, but we can still talk and get to know each other more if that's ok.I replied
> I appreciate your honesty. I’m sorry if at any point I made you afraid of telling me the truth. I hope you find a woman that is not stunted and is confident, happy, trusting, driven, hardworking, caring, patient, and loving. I apologize if I wasted your time and thank you for all the laughs. Wish you the best
> You didn't waste my time. But thank you for everything and the time we shared together. Maybe some time in the future we could have something togetherI didn’t reply.
No. 359506
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So, I've been seeing someone for a little over a month now. It's very fresh but I'm feeling a spark, but something that just happened has really put me off. It was my birthday earlier this week, and when we saw each other last weekend, I mentioned it a couple of times and he just.. did not react. On my actual birthday, no happy birthday message, but he did ask me what my plans were for the rest of the week. I thought ok, maybe he didn't rememeber the exact date but knew it was this week. Maybe he wanted to take me out for a birthday dinner later in the week or something. But when we saw each other a couple of days later- no gift, no happy birthday wish, not even when I offered him some leftover birthday cake. I honestly don't know how to process this, it's such an early point in a relationship that it's not like I'm expecting some expensive gift or something. but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't offended, because at this point he knows my birthday happened, and he didn't even give me the lukewarmest "oh, happy birthday". Is he a stealth jehovah's witness or something? The fuck.
No. 359530
>>359190I'm so sorry you're going through this. take some time to plan out your exit strategy and don't get caught up in sunk cost fallacy. nobody expects the person they're with to secretly be a scumbag, relationships are founded on good faith assumptions. you're not dumb and he's not that skilled at concealing his misogyny, you just trusted him and that's normal
I also wasted years on someone who turned out to be a pig. leaving sucks because it means grieving not just what you thought the relationship was, but the future you might have had. you will feel so much better when it's behind you. good luck out there nona
No. 359636
>>359461Nona I'm proud of you too. As women we've been so conditioned into putting up with literally anything in a relationship. The fact that you left is the most important and you should be proud of yourself for that, now you know that you won't put up with the same bullshit ever again.
We've always had kind of an open phone policy (obv not including reading messages with friends etc) so I borrowed his phone to send myself a picture he took of me. That's when I saw the pic and decided to investigate further.
In hindsight I've probably accepted a little too much in terms of his treatment of me as well, but seeing him being blatantly misogynistic towards another woman just made it all so clear that he's just a disgusting manchild. It's easier to stick up for someone else than it is to stick up for yourself, I think.
Thank you for your support nona, it means a lot to me.
>>359530Thank you nona, I really did trust him and never expected him to be this disgusting. I'm glad you left too, we all deserve so much more and we'll get it with these pigs in the past.
Currently trying to plan my living arrangements. I haven't told my friends yet, but I probably should before I dump his ass so I have somewhere to stay. I'm just so ashamed and shocked still.
(All your posts are spaced out like this, stop it) No. 359637
>>359527You're not unlovable, you're ex is emotionally manipulative and you have low self-esteem. Moms are not supposed to say things like that, don't listen to her. It's a good thing that you broke up and you probably know that deep down which is part of why you left him multiple times.
When you talk to your therapist ask to work on your self-confidence. You shouldn't be taking such a hit to your self worth from a breakup. A man does not have the power to impart any value to you as a person or to take it away.
No. 360287
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I've been with my bf for 5-6 years and we've loosely planned to marry in the next year or so, finances permitting. But I have a financial concern and I'm not sure how to bring it up.
He currently has a job that's not great paying but that he enjoys. However, he expects more income in the future because he's passionate about some creative personal projects that he frequently works on and thinks will be able to generate passive income when they're released. Sometimes he muses about one potentially blowing up, but "realistically" estimates that they should at least net a few hundred dollars, and factors this into his plans for the future. So he's not worried about pursuing a more serious job because in his mind, his projects are the real fledgling career.
I don't know how to break it to him but I think this is still REALLY optimistic. He's enthusiastic ans confident about his creative endeavors but… I don't think he has the skill to even sell a $3 product… I want to believe in him but I just don't see the potential in what I've seen him make, they're lovely in the sense that he puts his heart into them and dedicates them to his friends, but they're not professional material. I support his interests and think it's great that he's creative, but just don't think he's artistically talented enough to make it anything more than a hobby (at least not anytime soon), and I think he's setting up for debt and disappointment by expecting interest and monetization.
I don't know how to express "you're not talented enough to do this" in a way that isn't going to sound downright mean. One of his friends was brutally honest and critical about something he made, and he still seems to be hurt by those comments. What can I say to encourage him to focus on a more realistic form of income without trashing his passion?
>tldr bf has an unrealistic artistic ambition and idk how to break it to him
No. 360309
>>359154Anons no offense but how do you all always find the most shittiest bottom of the barrel men to date.
This is a supossed radfem space yet anons here settle for the first man they see.
No. 360492
>>360309Most anons have low self worth and
abusive pasts, those are the types of people
abusive partners target and date unfortunately. A woman can be a feminist but still get targeted by mentally ill men who can tell she's an easy target if she's someone who tries to please others and puts others before her.
No. 360509
>>360492This. For majority of my developing years I was in
abusive relationships. Now I am not an
abusive relationship, it just feels so uncomfy? Idk how to describe it. Sometimes when it's all you've ever known and you don't have a lot of dating experience it's hard to spot red flags.
No. 360574
File: 1700705063387.png (500.52 KB, 806x790, sad cat.png)
How the fuck do people deal with going no-contact with an ex? I got broken up with a couple of days ago, completely out of the blue. Our relationship was serious, we'd been dating for a while, been intending to live together (his suggestion) and were going to travel together as well. He was genuinely a good boyfriend, there weren't any obvious problems either, and any problems we did have we'd communicated and agreed to work on together. But he just dumped me completely out of the blue. Apparently he had been thinking about it for nearly over a month because he was starting to have doubts, but it only became concrete in a five-day period where we didn't see each other in person because we were both too busy, he cancelled appointments that he'd apparently made with a relationship counsellor (without me knowing) and everything. He said he still wanted to be friends, and he still loved me, and wanted to hold hands in public and go on dates, but not be in a relationship. Yesterday he messaged me saying he wasn't sure that breaking up was what he wanted, but now he's decided that he wants to go no-contact for a week at least "because he's confused." Problem is that this guy is basically my only close friend because I'm an autistic workaholic and struggle to form relationships of any kind, so now I'm just left completely on my own (I have friends, but I don't see them often, and I struggle to talk about my emotions with them because I don't want to burden them). I still have hope that he might change his mind, considering how out of the blue it was, but I can recognise I'm probably being completely delusional. Does anyone have advice for going no-contact with an ex when there are very few other things in your life going well, and very few relationships that you can rely on?
No. 360587
File: 1700708404061.png (193.01 KB, 1545x869, coomer.png)
I love my boyfriend he's so sweet, takes care of me and likes all of the same nerdy stuff as me but it depresses me that he's a coomer. I can't watch spider-verse with him without him drooling over penny or Gwen and reminding me of all the annoying coomer memes online. He's great but he jerks off so often that he doesn't even realize when he's doing it, touching himself over his pants while watching TV without really even thinking. Its gross! I feel so frustrated because I love him so much but the coomerness is so sad and after 3 years of dating it's starting to annoy me more. It feels like nerdy men are so tough to date. They can be perfect but they all come with one major flaw that can absolutely break a relationship. Ugh
No. 360591
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>>360574Hey nona, you and I are living similar lives but I'm a few months further out. I got unexpectedly dumped about four months ago by my girlfriend. We tried to stay friends right away and it very quickly proved to be too difficult. I was suffering grappling with the idea that she didn't want me anymore, she was starting to have second thoughts and getting confused, we'd try to hang out and it would turn into arguing (something we never previously did), it all just created more pain. Ultimately we had to agree on no contact until at least the end of the year to minimize distress and come to terms with the situation, with the goal of salvaging the possibility of one day being friends again.
The first month was absolutely brutal. I cried every day and felt directionless. I found that forcing myself back into my hobbies and leaning into them tenfold was good for me. I got back in touch with some internet friends I hadn't talked to in years. I picked up some new hobbies and made a few new friends in the process. This is all stuff I previously thought was impossible for me, maybe because I was so wrapped up in my relationship.
You are gonna have to get to know yourself from scratch again. You should do your best to let go of the notion that he's coming back, holding onto that idea kept me in severe pain for longer than I had to be. Get back into the stuff you liked before you met him. If there's anythjng you've been meaning to try, now's the time. It'll be hard but you'll be stronger for it eventually. I thought I'd be miserable forever but now I feel more like myself, more capable, and more like I can be her friend again someday without pining. You can do this, I'm rooting for you.
No. 360596
>>360574My experience with going no contact has never been clean, there’s always a period of
blargh fuxk you no fuck you shithead you ruined my life blargh bluergh but the faster you can get through that the better because it’s always embarrassing afterwards and you’re better off deleting/blocking and being by yourself to think through it. and do not start stalking or monitoring them in any way because that is a humongous waste of energy.
No. 360601
>>360587Nonny try to talk about that with your bf. Mine is kinda similar except for the tv part but if you let him know what annoys you in a good manner he will understand you.
My bf used to be too touchy and also pretty lewd outdoors but after a calm talk he changed his attitude. If the guy has a little of brain yet he may listen.
No. 360605
>>360587I don’t know how you can put up with this nona. Honestly. Men lusting over other women in front of you is dealbreaker no 1.
>>360596Iktf too. After a breakup I can’t contain my rage and end up feeling so used regardless of how well things went and sending angry text walls even though by that time I’m usually blocked lol (which saves me face) BUT every single time no matter how suicidal and yearning I felt at the time, I got over them and forgot about them and moved onto someone else and it feels fantasistic. Just bpd chan things I guess lol ALSO women can literally love intensely over and over again, we can endlessly pairbond because we have so much more oxytocin than men do. It’s moids who can never move on. We can always move on. And that makes moids seethe.
No. 360609
>>360591Thanks, nona, this is really reassuring/helpful to hear.
>>360596Yeah, it's difficult to avoid monitoring him in certain ways but I've unfollowed him on everything, which is the best way I can think of dealing with it right now, thankfully all of his stuff is private.
No. 360830
Please, before replying to this, try not to be too judgmental.
My boyfriend has a best friend, who became a good friend of mine, too. The two of them have a "bromance". They say "I love you" outright each time they say goodbye, even over the phone, and they are also quite touchy. They never dated or had sex, and claim to be against the idea. They're both bisexual as far as I'm aware, but my BF was a virgin when I met him and his friend has dated one girl in the past, never men.
Now, my boyfriend and I were making out when we thought he wasn't watching, but turns out he was. This started a weird trend of us kissing and even touching each other in front of him while he watches. This turns both of us on. I want to have a threesome, but neither of them seem willing to admit the sexual vibe. When the friend stays over, the three of us cuddle and sleep in the same bed. Should I bring up the fact that we should all have sex and get over it?
>inb4 someone calls me a degenerate or tells me I will get AIDS
No. 360842
>>360405I know this response is late but I had a boyfriend when I was 14 (he was 19, already weird) and I once came out of the shower to find him wearing my little pj shorts and prancing around the room singing to himself. I asked what he was doing and told him to take them off and he said "sometimes girls clothes make me feel pretty".
He went on to troon out a few years later
red flag.
No. 360868
>>360830Anyone who thinks this is serious and not some fujo
femcel/ gay incel's fantasy is a retard
No. 360879
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>>360830Faker than a reddit post
No. 360947
>>360937>>360944Lmao this is truly pathetic.
Get him to actually physically tell you why exactly hes upset. Maybe the absolute embarrassment of admitting its because he lost 9 games will shock him out of this dumb shit.
No. 360952
>>360948WHAT THE FUCK GIRL STAND THE FUCK UP FOR YOURSELF. WHY TF ARE YOU SLEEPING ON THE COUCH BC YOUR BOYFRIEND IS THROWING A HISSYFIT BC YOURE BETTER AT HIM AT SOMETHING?.
Why are you punishing yourself bc your boyfriend is punishing you for being a sore ass loser?
>>360945My fiancé has never gotten mad for me beating him at something, but all my exes have.
No. 360996
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How do I stop cyber stalking this man! I literally ended it with him because he never wanted to commit to a relationship with me so I blocked him. The problem is it seems my brain has chosen to hyperfixate on him. He is literally going on dates days after I ended it and the girl looks nothing like me and is shaped nothing like me. I was literally just his experiment so I want to destroy him but I know that’s counterproductive and a waste of energy. But tell that to my brain. It’s like im addicted to triggering myself. This shit traumatized me so much I never want to date again so why am I still on him? I just want to focus on myself! But every time I watch or see something about relationships I get triggered to look up his Insta! It’s just gross how you can literally tell someone please just be honest with me and tell me what this is do I can move on and then they look you in your eye and lie to you unprovoked. It’s sinister shit. I’ve tried hot guys, ugly guys, medium ugly they all cut from the same cloth. I hope he dies in a car accident jk well gets injured enough to where he can’t work out and gets fat and bald. If only
No. 361026
>>361024True! I’ll stop being creepy i ended it with him anyway the guys online are just all so ugly lol so i had to compare and then I just
triggered myself cuz i was bored and wanted to feel again lol
No. 361038
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>>361037Now hyperfixate on something better and worth your time.
No. 361082
Just a relationship related vent, any comments welcome
>I'm late 20s, on the spectrum, never dated
>meet guy while vacationing in another state
>he is immediately engaged in wooing me, took me out to the fanciest restaurant while there, listened to me sperg about poetry, engaged in my discussions about ancient history
>he immediately asked if I'd consider a long distance relationship
>I said maybe, depending on how much effort he'd put in
>he flies over to my city (12 hours of travel with layovers) twice in 3 months before I accepted
>he is completely fine with me not wanting anything sexual until I'm engaged (personal preference for me) and doesn't push to make out (I hate tounges)
>physically fit and other women look at him when we walk together
>expressed that if we're together long term I don't have to worry about finances and should pursue the low-paying career I'm longing for instead of the one I hate now
>regularly buys me things off of my wishlists and doordashes me things, gave me credit card to buy lunch every day
>is anti-porn for some psychological masculinity reason but told me he gets off without it (no way to know though)
>flies over every chance he gets
>replies to messages immediately as well as video calls, never caught him with anyone else, talk 2 hours a day usually while doing stuff around the house together
>he wants at least one kid, says it depends on what I'm comfortable with (I want 1 daughter)
>everyone around me says he's great
And yet… I feel almost nothing. I've never been in love with anyone, I felt romantic "passion" from some weeb otome media but not irl. I thought Id have some by now. I know I am not attracted to women sexually either, and yet I masturbate often (straight 2d media if anything at all). He has the qualities that I know are rare, and treats me well, and I know I'd be sad to lose his company. But I worry that he's really into me because he can tell I'm an antisocial virgin and he thinks that makes me a "good girl" (he hasn't said this, just ranted about modern dating a lot and I got that vibe). My grandma says I should not overthink it and it's important that there's someone out there caring for me in case she dies. Yet I still feel that I might not be built for this life and he will want to propose by next spring probably. I just wish I was madly in love like normal girls are, full of life and excitement. It's not like I want to pursue dating others at all or am more attracted to others, I just have no motivation for "mating" I suppose lol. I am the ideal monk/nun archetype and don't know if I'm a bad person for continuing this or if I should just lean into it anyway because it's mutually beneficial.
No. 361101
>>361097Your bf is a whore who's probably flirting with her but not breaking up with you because he knows he has no chance with her. I was with a guy like that once, he was ugly and although he didn't like me and probably wanted a prettier woman, he knew I was the best he was gonna get so he would lose his mind when I broke up with him.
Please seek out theraphy and break up if hes
triggering your ED. Your mental health is more important than a whorish alcoholic man
No. 361128
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I've been with my bf for 5 years and recently I just haven't been feeling so warm about him. I've always been really affectionate so this is new for me… Now any minor thing he does annoys me and I've started thinking he's ugly. A lot of the time I feel critical/nitpicky and like being mean. Idk, he hasn't started doing anything new wrong, I just don't feel drawn to him like I used to. But I'm not attracted to any other people either.
I know this is more or less normal and happens for everyone eventually, but not really sure how to deal with it. Any advice?
I did tell him that I don't really like him the same way and sometimes think I don't want to be together, and he didn't react badly or anything. Just told me that I can be honest with him about how I feel, and has respected it when I want to distance myself more than usual. So I guess nothing is really "wrong", is this just a phase I'm going to get over?
No. 361183
>>361174>is there really nothing else to prove that you trust him?No not really. We’ve talked and talked and talked and we are always right back where we started. I think actions would have a larger impact since clearly words don’t cut it anymore. Plus it’s generally better. I feel like letting him film us would be the biggest show of trust to him.
>>361176I love him he is my first real life boyfriend. He is not trying to be manipulative, and even before all of this when he brought it up I kind of liked the idea and never said yes or no
No. 361189
>>361186Wait what no one is licking anyone’s ass?? I don’t understand lol
And what do you mean errands nonna? I had our whole relationship to show him I trusted him but I screwed that over. It’s hard for me trust men and I thought that was good but it’s not. I think I need to open myself up more. Plus I might ask to cover my face or wear a wig
No. 361326
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>>358356my boyfriend is about to cut ties in bad terms with my mother since we argue a lot (even for stupid, small stuff) and causes me stress and angish, since between him and me have this thing of telling us everything, he reached to this point.
I'm thinking to just stop let him know about this touchy stuff or straight white lying to him for not worrying too much but idk if it could be a good idea.
I'm so sorry if the paragraph it's written so wrong tho, i'm still esl.
No. 361401
>>361323Stay broken up. Be by yourself, enjoy your life without that drama and stress. Another man who doesn’t break up with you is out there.
Breaking up should be the end of it for relationships. Just trust that you broke up for a reason.
No. 361410
>>361402He said we should give each other space.
And I already asked, and we had sex soon after. Not sure how I feel about it but it’s done, I didn’t ask about us or our relationship because I wanna give him his space and just wanted to be present with him. Not sure if it was makeup sex or no strings attached sex. I’m fine with either but he said there was no more of that and yet we did it.
No. 361418
>>361411If this is bait fuck you for stressing me out thinking about a woman who actually thinks like this.
If you are a real person please reflect on why this is such a retarded idea people literally think it's bait.
For anyone reading this thinking about making a sex tape don't do it. Even if you think it's fun and you have a trusting relationship it's just not a good idea. I have some out there and it never affected me in any real way and I'm fine, I just don't have a life it can interfere with to be honest, but it's gross to think about and if you're emotionally vulnerable like this woman it will probably make you want to kill yourself when combined with the pain of the inevitable breakup.
No. 361512
>>361418It’s not bait nonna. I posted that this morning. We had sex last night. I felt pretty good about the whole thing this morning…
The day has gone by now though and I’m left feeling like crap. Used. I can’t do no strings attached. I definitely can’t do a video.
He used a condom when we never did before because I’m on bc. I feel like this is all the confirmation I needed. He doesn’t trust me. There’s no future. There’s no long-term. He’s sure about me, that is he doesn’t want anything more to do with me and he doesn’t want to take any chance on it. He rather be really safe than sorry… I’m sure if it weren’t because he couldn’t feel any pleasure he would’ve worn 3 or 5 condoms. I just feel so done. I’m just a crazy person to him with no way to redeem myself.
I called him stupidly to get some sort of comfort. He’s so tired of him. I told him I don’t feel good about what we did. He asked why and I told him, I feel like he doesn’t like me. He said please don’t start. No “why” “why do you think that”. Nope. Because it’s true. I’m out of ways to twist and bend things to make me avoid seeing this for what it really is.
No. 361600
This is something I'm going to talk with my boyfriend about but I'm at work right now so I can only let this simmer in my head. Last night, we were talking about how our relationship is going to be long term. We haven't dated for a full month yet, but we've been hanging out often, nearly every day for long hours and I sleep over at his apartment each time we hang out. He met my family on Thanksgiving. I've met his best friend. We have plans to meet his family next month.
He's only had short term relationships before, his longest relationship lasted half a year, and he's gotten to the point of wondering if he's the issue, in my head I'm assuming he's been with women who have no long term goals and they were simply incompatible and I believe that's messing with him in his head.
Last night I laid down to bed before him, and he assumed I got upset at him. I explained to him I needed to lay down because I knew I needed to go to bed soon. To me, I think he's overthinking things and preoccupied with worries. He's worried I'm going to leave him because he doesn't make enough money. He's worried he's too boring, etc. The matter of the fact is based on my previous relationships, he's already doing so much better than my exes. He makes enough money to the point where he can work half as much as I do and make the same amount. His priorities lie in saving. He loves having no debts. He's super responsible. He's also very healthy, doesn't do drugs or smoke or drink.
I just don't really know how I can make him feel special and to signal to him how much he means to me other than to spend time with him, tell him I love him, and have these talks with him. I'm the first person he's been with who's talked about how we're going to make our long term goals happen, how we're going to be companions to each other. I guess I'm just intimidating to him in a sense because all I've ever had were long term relationships and I've participated in premarital cohabitation and had breakups that were similar to divorces. He's been with women years older than him before me, but they didn't really have a need for a boyfriend, he was mostly an accessory for them. (Kinda based tbh) but for me I do want to be with him and have it mean something. I guess it's just this transitional period that can make someone hesitant.
No. 361644
I love my boyfriend very much and he is the nicest guy I've ever been with, which is pretty bleak, but nontheless we are typically very happy together. He's not the most emotionally literate man but I will give him credit for working on it as he's improved a lot, I'm prefacing this with that context because I don't want to come across as one sided.
We found some mould growing behind one of his storage tables in our bedroom today, seems like something is leaking from the bathroom and the entire storage closet is even worse, a lot of my stuff is in there and most of it is unsalvigable. My cameras, my guitar case, all of my board games and card games, a lot of my clothes, my favourite belt, all in the bin. I've let the landlord know and I'm trying to be positive because I don't want to spiral. My boyfriend discovered this while he was doing a deep clean and I was working from home, we've both been handling it poorly.
He punched a wall and I got scared cos every man I've ever had punchba wall usually goes for me and he got upset because everytime hes angry, even if not directly at me, I get upset. Which is true, I have a history of abuse so I suppose he can feel like he's walking on eggshells with expressing himself, but screaming and punching a wall isn't the right way to express oneself in my opinion.
Anyway, the place is a bit of a mess now since he moved the bed side tables and a lot of stuff out the bedroom to clean it and theres a pile of dirty clothes in front of the washing machine he was going to put in, but since the mould fiasco he didn't do any of it.
I stayed positive and told him to try and relax until I finish work and then we can sort it together.
After my 8 and a half hour working day, I start on bringing the bedside table back in and I ask him to move some stuff off of the floor, which he doesn't and just ignores me.
I don't want to get angry and make everything worse, but I am so stressed and I get a little petty saying 'wouldn't it be so funny if I cleaned everything up myself whilst putting draws back in, which he ignores.
I bring a cardboard box he left in the living room in and asked where it went since it belonged to him, and he ignored me again, so I said 'oki doki, you can put it back, and set it down on him. He threw it across the room. I say why would you do that and explain that a ton of my shit is gone, and I am upset too, but I am trying to make the best of a bad situation and just trying to hold it together. He tips one of the drawers out over the floor.
I go to the living room cos I don't wanna get my ass kicked, I don't think he will but I've been unlucky and I am getting all anxious. He comes in and grabs his coat and headphones and leaves. I dont know where he's gone. I don't know if I want him to come back. He frightened me and I don't know if thats me being dramatic since I'm not the most rational of people.
Anyways, I proceed to be a fucking idiot and cut myself a little, realise im an adult now and thats cringe, and now I am steeped in shame wondering if I actually provoked him and caused this because I have just proven to myself that I am a fucking idiot
No. 361645
>>361600Hi anon. Congrats on your new relationship! You are only a month into it. While I think it’s reasonable to talk about your future to make sure you’re on the same page, you are still in a getting to know each other phase (at least if you weren’t friends prior to dating). That means you can give him the benefit of the doubt while still keeping an eye out for any red flags. It’s also very natural to be a little extra insecure when things are so fresh.
>I just don't really know how I can make him feel special and to signal to him how much he means to me other than to spend time with him, tell him I love him, and have these talks with him.I think you are on the right track. Something I've noticed about people who have strong and healthy relationships is that a lot of them are good at validating and giving each other positive feedback. This should go both ways btw, he should practice showing appreciation for you as well. Anyway these couples tend to have a team-building approach to relationships and try to bring out the best in each other. I always tell my bf I think he’s handsome and that I appreciate concrete things he does, or that he did a good job, and I really mean it when I say it it’s not just empty platitudes. It might seem a bit exaggerated and infantilizing, but I think it’s important to not take each other for granted and to try to create a positive environment. Keep in mind while you should give him encouragement and be understanding, don’t break your back trying to appease him, e.g. avoiding activities you’d normally do because he’s jealous. You need to have a separate life outside of him and vice versa, otherwise it’s a recipe for codependency and he’ll drag you down with him.
When I started dating my current bf I had some insecurities of my own, but I really worked hard on my communication skills and things are very harmonious now. I think you need to get really good at communicating, and how you both handle difficult conversations is key. Reading some self-help psychology books or learning about active listening strategies can be helpful for future conversations. Having the talk about the future of your relationship can also help making him see that you two are on the same page and that you consider him “relationship material”, which hopefully will be a confidence boost to him. Healing can take time, but you need to see that he is actively working on bettering this part of himself. Pay very close attention, because only he can decide to actually trust you and to get over himself. My relationship was a bit rocky in the beginning because of my own trust issues to the point where my bf had to draw a very hard line. I took his feedback to heart and decided I just needed to believe him, unless his actions told me otherwise (which they haven’t as of yet). I’d say give him some time, but don’t let him drag this on forever or use his insecurities to manipulate you.
No. 361656
>>361644Nona I know this is hard to hear but you need to get out of there. This is not a safe situation for you. He is not interested in meeting you at your level or working on his emotional intelligence, he is not interested in helping you out in very basic and easy ways, he is actively showing you hostility over nothing. This will escalate. You are not being dramatic. This relationship has put you in a dark enough place that you're hurting yourself.
I believe that you love this guy but oftentimes love is not enough. You can find a man who is kind to you and does not damage your property and confidence. Don't let yourself become a
victim.
No. 361664
>>361644I'm so sorry anon. This is already such a stressful situation for anyone to be in. I really don't think it's healthy for you to be with this guy.
>he got upset because everytime hes angry, even if not directly at me, I get upsetThis tells me he is already prone to anger. Everyone can get frustrated from time to time, but it shouldn't be your baseline emotion, and the fact he gets upset when you're having a trauma response is a red flag. You can not heal and look out for your own mental health under these circumstances. No matter what other great qualities he has, he's not capable of handling his emotions in an adult manner. It sucks for him, but it's not your responsibility to teach him this, and your own mental and physical wellbeing needs to be top priority always. Now you know he is also capable of acting out and is not safe to be with. I know it's hard but please look out for yourself first and foremost.
No. 361723
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>he's acting really distant all night
>ask him what's bothering him
>he says nothing, he's just tired
>he's still quiet all night
>getting ready to go to bed, tell him goodnight and I love him
>he's looking at his phone and says "ok goodnight Anon"
>doesn't say I love you too (unlike him)
>I linger for a second in case he was just distracted
>he's still staring at his phone
Be honest girls, it's over isn't it
No. 361733
>>361662I mean you don't have to threaten him. Just admit that you don't find him attractive and that's why you don't want to do it.
Nonnie please he's a moid, he wouldn't think twice about calling you out if you turned into a whale.
No. 361776
Nonas, I've been having some slight issues dealing with a man in a hobby group I'm in. I otherwise love the group, but this one guy has been super into me since pretty much the first meeting. I recognize now that I shouldn't have tried to be friendly with him, because it seems like he's a little too into me. We talked a couple of times after the first meeting - primarily about the group, honestly, but he was coming onto me so strongly, it was like palpable. He didn't say anything directly, but he did say that despite his family wanting him to marry a girl from his culture, he could see himself falling in love with a girl like me (which he said as a 'generic' example, but I understood what he was really saying, as the 'type' example he gave was quite specific). The next time I saw him, he said something about how "people get weirded out when you tell them you've been thinking about them all day", which given how much he texts me about our hobby group, he seemed to heavily imply was about me. And yes, I was weirded out. I told him I'm not trying to date anyone right now (I don't find him attractive), and he said that "in an ideal world" we would either end up together (ew), or still be "best friends" even if we were dating other people (also a hard no from me). I told him I don't mind chatting about our hobby group and being friends, but I have no desire to be "best friends", and now he's trying to gaslight me by saying all this was in my head and that he never said anything about being best friends. When he said that, I went off on him and told him I don't even want to be friends anymore, and that he should have recognized that I was trying to let him down easy. I don't want to lose my hobby group, because aside from him I really enjoy it and have fun with the other members. It's just so frustrating. I should be old enough to know that men don't want to be friends with women they don't find attractive, and that male 'friends' only really want sex. I'm just afraid I've ruined the group now, and I wonder if I should say anything to the guy who organizes it (a different person). Do you think it'll be too awkward in the group now? This dude is such a classic 'nice guy' (he is also a 30 year old virgin, which is part of why I think he became like obsessed with me). He seems to think we have some kind of special bond just because he finds me attractive and I can hold a conversation (men fall in love with me often like this and it's super annoying because they barely know me and just like the way I look). Sorry if this is the wrong thread, I am new here<3
No. 361826
I am sometimes really fed up with my boyfriend. We are together for 6 years. We have a 3 year old and 4 month old. He always had atopic dermatitis, pretty bad case NGL. But ever since the start of my pregnancy he stopped working, he keeps telling me how bad his case is every other day, he stopped showering because it hurts him, he stinks to oblivion and rots inside all day. He barely helps with anything, his dead skin is fucking everywhere, I have to clean blood from our sheets every single day, everything is dirty and nasty. He keeps draining money I ears running from one doctor to another and I am fucking tired, it's been a really rough year where I feel like I am a mother of three, including him. It's never been like that, but after so much time I start thinking about dumping him, but also I know he is a good person and he loves us and I love him. But man, he's such a parasite lately. I don't know if I should have to keep enduring it and for how long.
No. 361833
>>361826Sounds hellish honesty but he's sick with something non-fatal so I'm optimistic this is a rough patch you can get through.
Perhaps there is a medical support group he could join so he has somewhere else to vent at the very least so that he is not using you as his sole emotional support. Hopefully he finds some practical advice there. Eczema is treatable even severe cases, but stress often makes it worse and he sounds like he's absolutely spiraling.
If you need to, have an honest conversation with him that you don't have the money for multiple doctors and two kids and he has to go back to work again, and/or tell him that having a new baby and supporting everyone is about to break you down into dust. You could explore other solutions like maybe he can go live with some relatives while he explores treatment (and they can help him pay, and he won't be living with you which will give you a break)
No. 361835
>>361833samefag, I was also thinking of this story if he wants to try something experimental (away from you, potentially) since it seems like the doctor visits aren't curing him:
https://metro.co.uk/2019/11/06/man-struggled-eczema-face-years-treating-condition-drying-skin-11049982/extreme long shot and he's probably read this, but you never know. or maybe he needs better steroids, I'm not a doctor.
No. 361841
>>361837You're not a bad person for thinking that at all. That's a normal and true thought that goes through people's heads when they're stressed out taking care of a sick person. You should probably never tell him that unless you want to end things though.
I do think you need to take practical steps towards fixing this or you will have to either leave him or have it be like this forever. Something's gotta give. You need help and he needs help and maybe you can't really help eachother right now. Is there anyone else in your life or his that can help you guys? Parents? Friends? Distant aunt? Can you have a conversation like "I love you but you need to go stay with your parents for six months now or I'm going to fall apart, I'm not this strong I can't carry everyone"?
No. 361849
>>361844Honestly it gets better, all good even for like a week after he's on a strong meds, but once he stops taking them (steroids, should be used only for a few days) it immediately comes back, it's a whole cycle. We are trying to find him experimental meds right now, he was in one experiment already but in the long run it made things worse.
>>361841He has a very supportive parents who try to support us financially, he already has been back to them for a few weeks on the beginning of pregnancy but he missed us and came back. He was going back and forth for a while, that didn't really work since our older is really attached to dad. Honestly when he was in the hospital I think it worked the best, he had constant care he needed and I felt less weight on my shoulders, also it was close enough to just visit him everyday, we worked around it just fine.
No. 361853
>>361849This sounds like such a hard situation I’m so sorry.
In your first post you mentioned all the cleaning bloody sheets and skin flakes everywhere was an issue. I don’t mean to sound insensitive to whatever pain he may have but he should be doing some of that cleaning. I understand if he can’t put his hands directly in a bucket of soapy water and scrub the floors or something, but he can’t just give up and live in filth he’s got to maintain some level of hygiene and you can’t do it for him.
No. 361859
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So… I’m talking to this guy from Bumble, at first he seemed like a standard lame chubby geek so I started talking to him with 0 hope and finally he seems perfect… Too perfect for me. Like he's 3 years younger than me and clearly much more responsible and accomplished than I am, he still lives with his parents but it's not shocking given his age. He is a serious student, he has a driving license, money saved, he has lots of super interesting hobbies apart from manga and video games, he is sporty, muscular, he likes to read, has never had a girlfriend, he is a virgin but not incelish, self hating or desperate at all, doesn't smoke or drink, he seems very introspective and kind, he is clearly able to talk about what he feels without shame, romantic and sentimental, good relationship with his family, nicely dressed, absolutely 0 red flags I'm shocked. We have a lot in commons, we love the same autistic things like stupid virtual pets browser games lmao. He knows that I'm disabled, and a spoiled shithead, I joked about yaoi (yeah I know) in my first message, he know that I'm a jobless pseudo artist parasite living in a small house already paid by dad with my stoner best girl friend and he doesn't judge me at all, seems really comprehensive. What worries me is that he says he's super shy in real life, he seems very intimidated when we talk about meeting but as eager and enthusiastic as me and I don't know how to organize a meeting + I'm completely antisocial on my side … I'm afraid of screwing up, it's been 2 years since I've dated any guys, I usually ghost the few guys I match with on apps because they are all annoying and bore me… He clearly too wholesome for me. Even my mother seems to think he's too good, she told me not to tell him too much about myself. What should I do? Any idea for a first date? Please help me to not ruin everything. I feel like a criminal for trying to have him but I want it to happen so much at the same time kek
No. 361912
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Anons do you think that dating apps are good for relationships? And which dating apps are the worst/best? Is it even worth it?
No. 361918
>>361826Make him go lions diet as an elimitation diet, only salt, beef and water for 2 weeks, then slowly add one food at a time once a week to check what he reacts to. Steer clear of nightshades for a few months though, theyre a big culprit for eczema sufferers(potato, tomato, chili, eggplant). Eczema is an allergy/sensitivity symptom, so there is something he is reacting to. Steroids and other topical products are only masking the symptoms, not fixing anything. Also use unscented detergent and cut out fabric softener, and make him use gentle, unscented baby shampoo and body wash.
Signed someone with eczema and a ton of sensitivities.
No. 361932
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>>361912Personally I think it's difficult to do without if you don't have the opportunity to meet men in your everyday life or through your hobbies and I know a lot of couples who met like that. That doesn't mean that they are well matched, in most of these couples the man doesn't deserve the woman, they mostly rushed to "the least worst" and it shows but it's not rare to see that also among couples who met more traditionally. Even if you are insecure, you have to be strong and remain uncompromising and not sell yourself out. You must be extremely suspicious and ruthless and don't ignore the slightest red flag to avoid being eaten alive, it's full of predators who chase sad and easy manipulated girls. I don't recommend it if your self-esteem is too low or if you have abandonment issues. Also all app have the same dudes in it generally but Tinder have a really bad reputation if you want more than crappy hookups with low IQ fuckboys full of STDs.
No. 361938
>>361826WTF, why don't you run Anon?
I don't get the other anons telling you otherwise, he's hopeless.
It all went really bad since you got pregnant and now you have a kid and he's not doing the bare minimum t help and not be a burden and waste all your money.
Pretty obvious he wants to remain the utlimate manchild/parasite forever.
Your kid with thank you if you leave him ow asap.
No. 361944
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>>361862Thank you nonna, I'm gonna try to be more chill about him I know it's dumb to be so stressed for a moid but… hhgg I didn't sleep last night because of that, my mother comes down on me as soon as I talk to him about it, telling me that he's much braver than me, that I need to don't tell him too much about me, she make me really feel bad. She always did it with me but not my sisters, I know I'm way more shitty than them but it breaks me anyway and I can’t but ressent her for that even though she doesn't seem to be actively trying to be mean. That’s just what she think about me all my friends are too good for me if I listen to her lmao. No wonder I don't have many and feel to be the worst person on earth since childhood.
No. 362096
>>361826Same anon.
He tried to jump from the bridge yesterday. We are trying to get him mental help.
It feels like living hell, honestly. He's on steroids again for body, now something to help mind at least a little.
No. 362097
>>362096Why did you ignore
>>361918, the only person who actually tried to come up with a solution
No. 362099
>>362097I did read it and tried bringing it up!
We already use baby products on our laundry, we've been doing so for years, and I brought up the diet but I'm not sure how he will react to just beef, salt and water. But we did eliminate cheese, chili, everything spicy literally, milk and other dairy, will try with vegetables. Never thought of tomato or potatoes, so we will try! Thank you for reminding me to respond to that.
No. 362111
>>362103So killing himself is ok, but not eating veggies for two weeks is impossibly hard? He needs a reset, there is no vegetables he can eat when letting his gut and immune system relax. He might have issues with nightshade, nickel, salicylates, latex, oxalates, etc but he wont know until he cuts them all out and introduces one at a time and sees what he reacts to and what is okay.
He is bleeding into the sheets and leaving skin and blood everywhere, not working or doing housework, and tried to kill himself over it, but two weeks of dull eating is too hard? Come on.
No. 362118
>>362097Scuse me??
This is the real solution:
>>361938 No. 362147
>>362017considering this for his number so he gets the idea, but it might make me seem like I care
>>362028thanks nonna, I don't even want to say hello if I see him in person though
No. 362148
>>362147>I don't even want to say hello if I see him in person thoughWell don't go out of your way to greet him first or anything. I just mean if you happen to run into eachother and it's unavoidable you can wave or nod and smile in recognition but don't interrupt what you're doing for more than a couple seconds. The silent treatment isn't "classy" which is what you asked for. Maybe this isn't even a concern for you since you said he got a new group and is distancing himself.
You can just stop talking to him, it's not rude or un-classy, he can talk to other people.
No. 362152
>>362148it's very likely he won't understand why I stopped talking to him because in his eyes he did nothing wrong
I would be disgusted if I would run into him and the ugly gremlin the new group is trying to hook him up with though
but as you said, a simple hello might be best than saying nothing
No. 362292
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>>361944Nona don't want to sound harsh nor wanting to change your pov against her but don't talk with stuff like that with your mother at all.
Consider it if she tells you things that makes you feel bad every moment you decide sharing something with her.
Sometimes we need to talk to another person instead of the right next to us
>T. Emotional unavailable mother's daughter Best wishes with that guy and that date!
No. 362294
>>362274Never met a mentally sound man who frequents 4chan.
I admit I was lured in with initial shared interests, humor, and savvy.
But they are always misogynistic porn watchers. Also, unless they are autismo, are very good at masking their behaviors as they know women find that shit undesirable.
No. 362361
>>362341I mean…it’s not cheating but it
is kind of odd. Unless he’s gay and you’re just making a new friend…don’t do anything you feel you need to hide from your partner.
No. 362409
>>362361>>362392he is not gay, he's pretty cool, seems like an interesting person and i would like to be friends with him but i know he did not approach me as a friend
>>362358>>362385my bf is possesive and gets jealous easily, he gets upset when i go out with a guy friend so i'm not gonna mention this to him for his own peace of mind
>>362402>>362373i am going to be hundred percent honest i've been having intrusive thoughts of seeing him again and making out ever since we met, we had a beautiful night dancing and talking we were really drawn to each other, me and my bf are in a serious relationship we've been dating since uni and will get engaged once we live in the same place again but sex is an issue, i just dont get horny i never want to have sex, sometimes i put up with it because i run out of excuses to dodge it. This guy summoned my libido back which is why i'm hesitant to reply to him and hang out in person. its the age old love vs lust conundrum, i dont know how to go about this now since he asked me out for coffee, should i decline, thank him for the beautiful night and say i have a boyfriend? should i take him up on his offer and tell him in person? its been 3 days since he texted me i still havent replied.
No. 362424
>>362409Wow. Just dump your current boyfriend because you're not sexually attracted to him. Your relationship is going to be even more awful when married if you have to "put up" with having sex. He's going to turn ugly, and you'll feel miserable. If you're more connected with this guy, then go after him. Otherwise, let his offer go and continue on with your boyfriend. Trying to meet up with him while you're still dating your boyfriend isn't a good move. What if your boyfriend finds out? Then what? Do you just put up a little excuse of "we're just friends" as if he'll buy that? Think critically,
nonnie.
No. 362425
>>362409You should 100% break up with your boyfriend. Holy shit you sound so unhappy and the reason you gave for being together is that you've been together a long time? Give me a break. Uni relationships aren't even supposed to last.
To answer your original question yes this was cheating on your boyfriend, you went on a date with another guy and you want to bone him down. Take it as a wakeup call that you don't like your boyfriend that much. Don't tell your boyfriend about it, just break up with him.
No. 362445
>>362430poor boyfriend. imagine being in a relationship with someone who isn't even attracted to you and wants to cheat but sticks around because of "all you do" for her.
stop wasting his time and grow a spine and dump him instead of trying to sneak around with some other man. he should be free to be with someone that's at least attracted to him. and you shouldn't be in a relationship until you realise what you want instead of dating men you don't feel sexual attraction to just because you get along well with them (you realise you could just be friends with people whose personalities you like if physical attraction is lacking, right?)
No. 362484
>>362480>Tangible>capable of being perceived especially by the sense of touch : palpable. b. : substantially real : material. 2. : capable of being precisely identified or realized by the mind.Inner peace and moral superiority fits
>>362481You've said hes made you horny again, that you hugged him, were tossing up the idea of going on a coffee date and asking if you should decline.
Yes. You should decline.
>>362483That might be so, she should dump him then as I said.
No. 362490
>>362487You're not understanding the point if this is your response.
It's not about having something material.
No. 362494
>>362492That just makes me sad, striving to live as morally as possible gives such a deep sense of satisfaction and betterment of self that I'm surprised it's not more popular outside of religion.
It's brilliant for mental health.
No. 362496
>>362495I'm not denying men do this also.
I'm saying to be above and better than men.
No. 362499
>>362481Your first comment made it sound like you danced together, gave him your number, and then went on a coffee date with him. But all you did was dance in a dance class with friends and think a guy you danced with was hot. You didn’t cheat and I’m sorry for saying you did upthread now that you’ve given more details. You shouldn’t even beat yourself up about this for a second.
It is a huge problem that your boyfriend does not turn you on. Please do not move in together and get engaged to him in the future like you talked about, it will actually be way easier if you end things now. Trying to save you from years of suffering, please believe me.
No. 362526
Alright this is kind of a doozy. I'm going to vent what I've been dealing with feel free to give your thoughts/advice, although I've already got tons of people to talk to irl, something still doesn't feel right so I want to come here because my irl friends are unexperienced in dating.
So I met this guy online a couple months ago right around when I broke up with my ex (we were together for a little more than a year - my attraction to this guy online was a big reason we ended up breaking things off, among other things) and we met up irl and started dating a bit over a month ago but he kept acting like a jerk so I snapped and dumped him about a week ago. But he contacted me afterwards saying he was sorry and all that and I felt bad about making him upset, so I considered giving him another chance since he said this was "just a fight" even though from my point of view this had been building for a while (I had talked to him many times about how he was making me feel but he'd say I was the problem). I asked him to stop contacting me so I can give it some time because I was wasting a lot of time talking through things but not really achieving much. Well he kept texting me all this stuff about how he was so upset without me and he was sorry and he misses me so I had no choice but to block him…
I really am not attracted to him anymore after what happened between us and I feel bad and that it's somehow my fault that we didn't work out. I feel insecure about having another ex, this is the 5th one but 2 other ones were also people I met online and not very serious (>6 months). I've not been single for longer than a couple months since I was a teenager, I find myself hopping to another guy quickly if things don't work out. I don't know why but I am just not attracted to the people around me, almost always to guys I meet online and problematically, guys that are much older than me. I don't know what to do nonas I already feel myself catching feelings for this other dude who is also much older than me but also has a bunch of red flags like the guy I just dumped… I'm not interested in starting a relationship with him (or with anyone atm, I think it would be best if I take a break from dating) but I've always been the type of girl who values stability so I'm really going through a bit of a crisis here. I'm in my early 20's, does this kind of floundering around just come with the territory or is something wrong with me?
No. 362558
>>362526> is something wrong with me?Nah you're fine.
> I already feel myself catching feelings for this other dude who is also much older than me but also has a bunch of red flags like the guy I just dumped… Yeah… No. Hard no. You instincts are correct, you should stay single for now.
Also t doesn't seem like it was your fault the last online-to-RL guy didn't work out, he sounds shitty. With a relationship that short I would honestly not even consider him an "ex" but you're opinion may differ.
No. 362562
>>362558Well, thanks, nona. I just can't help but feel I'll never find love if I keep up this pattern… makes me look like an idiot if I can't pick a good one. In my mind I know it's not my fault that this last guy didn't work out but I could have prevented it entirely by not bothering with him to begin with he showed red flags from the beginning but I was hoping I could fix him or he would treat me differently. But it's 2023 and I'm not as naive as I used to be so I'm not going to fall into that mindset, which is a reason why I dumped him.
I know that relationships aren't going to be perfect but he treated me like crap and also didn't have many redeemable qualities. I just need to get better standards. But I'm also a horny bitch which I think is the big reason this happened to begin with, I find myself attracted to trash tier men and I can't help it
No. 362652
>>362600The fuck… tell him you are an item if you feel like you are. Ask him to be your man if you need that. Do not be strung along waiting for months, speak up.
>>362610 no bitch don’t give her this garbage wishy washy insane advice she’s not 12 years old this is retarded
No. 362712
>>362600if you're already having sex with him, there's not much you can do without making a mess. thats the recipe for situationship. he will do the "why label???" bs. push for it anyway and be prepared to dump if he hesitates
if you're not fucking, you can tell him he's free to take you out but you're looking for a relationship and are not exclusive with your attention for someone who doesn't consider you a girlfriend
No. 363039
hi nonnas, I'm really struggling with the way I view myself and men. I've been with my bf for almost 2 years now and I know I want to spend my life with him, but we're both young and don't have the (financial) means to get married right now, but we might in a couple years. no problem there, we love each other a lot and our relationship is fantastic and I have no grievances there.
I'm struggling right now because recently I became close to his (all male) friend group and we plays games and stuff together every so often. some of these people I knew well in the past and had feelings for, but that was years ago and I more than moved on. others I am just meeting now. the problem is that I can't shake the sexual and romantic thoughts I have about them, as well as other men im acquainted and friends with. I don't know what to do and I feel like a disgusting whore. I would never in a million years cheat on my boyfriend, his friends know that we're together, and I am confident that they're all respectful people (and I know at least one is gay). but I can't stop thinking about them sexually and it's become really distressing. I would distance myself but I don't have a lot of friends and I especially don't have anyone to play games with. I want to think of them as just people, as my friends, but I already have a very high sex drive and it's extending to them and not just my boyfriend anymore and it's really fucking with me. I've felt sort of this way since middle school, where I would have multiple boys I would have crushes on at the same time, and I've tried to convince myself that it's fairly common and I'm not alone. But it's so fucking stressful and I feel like such a slut for thinking about other men when me and my boyfriend love each other so much and are so happy together.
tldr I can't stop thinking about my boyfriend's friends in a sexual light and it's scaring me
do I need therapy? Is this normal? what can I do to stop thinking this way? I don't want to distance myself, they're all very kind and I like talking to them and I never want to cheat on or break up with boyfriend. I'm sorry this post is all over the place, this is my first time posting here so I apologize if I don't format right or something like that (and I hope this is the right thread im sorry, if it's not pls redirect me)
No. 363182
>>363059>>363045>>363042thanks nonnas. I guess I just am paranoid because in the past I've had boyfriend's cheat on me and I know how shitty it feels, so I have this underlying fear that maybe I could become the problem (even though I know that I would never cheat or intentionally do something to make my boyfriend upset). and yes, a few of them are fairly attractive and one of them I had feelings for in this past, so I guess im trying to overcome that too, even though I don't actually have any intention of being intimate or romantic with them at all
>>363161yeah, I'm very satisfied in my relationship, emotionally, mentally, sexually, etc. I guess that's why it's strange to me? but as far as flirting goes I haven't noticed much (but I'm also extremely dense kek), but I also think I tend to be more 'flirty' than most people so I'm trying learn to suppress that a little or something
No. 363187
>>363061Do you want to remain friends with her? If so, just give her space to calm down and reach out in a few days.
Just to offer some perspective on how she might feel, when I was a teen, friends and family started telling me "YOU have NEVER had a boyfriend????!!!!!" as early as 13 years old, if she's undergone similiar treatment, it makes a lot of sense she feels deeply pressured and insecure about her situation. And someone telling her "But you're young.." when she likely feels deeply alienated from her peers, is just about the last thing she wanted to hear. She's probably just desperate to get rid of the "I have never"-status more so than this is about finding love or a connection.
No. 363206
>>363201What about these guys made you feel meh, nona? Idk if I’ve had a great epiphanies this year, but I keep slowly learning, maturing and becoming more content. I’ve been with my current nigel for a year and a half. Broke it off with my ex and intended on just living the single life and hooking up here and there, but my plans were shortcut when I met current bf. We ended up having sex on our first meet-up and it was so good we quickly became exclusive. So I second that notion, I think sexual compatibility is paramount. I think physical attraction on a biological level is vastly more important than the technicalities of sex, which can usually be improved upon. You can usually tell by the 2nd time you bone someone whether you are attracted to them, but you don’t have to jump straight into sex if that’s not your thing. If you sit close to someone, hug them etc., preferably for a little while, your nose will give you important clues lol. If you hang out with a guy and the next time you see him you go a little crazy about his b.o., you have a potential match. Otherwise you can confidently move on, it won’t get better. Of course there is more to a successful relationship than sexual compatibility, but imo an ideal relationship should be built upon a foundation of mutual attraction. He also needs to be an ok, well-rounded dude that you wanna spend time with.
No. 363356
Me and my nigel have been together for 9 years and live together. I’m a full time student and I work AND volunteer for something I really care about and will help me in my future career. He works full time. The problem is that ALL the household chores fall on me, to the point that any day off I get is spent cleaning, doing laundry, shopping for food, whatever. He will half ass clean if I ask him to can’t understand that the time it takes me to figure out what needs to be done and write him lists (because he “forgets”) is just work on my part. For example, I’ll ask him to clean the bathroom and have to supervise because he won’t do it fully unless I’m there to tell him the spots he misses.
We have a cat together and for weeks he’s been bugging me that she needed to go to the vet. I literally do not have time to call and make an appointment for her and take her right now and was going to wait until my courses ended (she’s healthy and fine, I love her she’s just due for a check up). Like, he literally doesn’t understand that he can call and take her himself. It does not cross his mind that he’s responsible for her care too. He will pay half the bill, but I’m the one who orders her food, manages her appointment, cuts her nails, gets her litter, cleans her litter box, etc.
He’s told me having a baby is important to him to the point that he will not accept not having one, but given the cat situation and the household chores, I cannot imagine having one with him. I love him but the thought of being the only parent, the maid and working is too much. My career is so important to me and I love my field so much, as much as I want kids, I’m not willing to give it up for them.
If I read this or if any of my friends told me this, I would tell them to leave immediately and I’ve put real thought into it (we’ve actually broken up over this before) but I love him too much I can’t imagine being without him even though this causes me so much stress to the point of panic attacks.
I came out this morning to the kitchen after asking him to clean it the night before and there was tomato sauce still smeared on the counter. He works in kitchens, he knows how to clean a counter. He stays HOURS late at work to clean up (unpaid) in the kitchen. When I pointed it out he said it was from me (don’t think it was, but okay). He told me I make messes too and I said I do but I always clean them, and his too. I’m in exams right now, I don’t have time to clean up every spill I make because I’m literally working 24/7. He told me to quit my job or reduce my hours and that everyone goes to school. Mind you, when he was in school he had a cleaning service every week and was in a trade program. He also didn’t work.
He was out of work for 6 months and still never helped out unless I asked. I’m at my wits ends. If he at least understood my stress and apologized, I think I would be okay. I wouldn’t be totally happy, but Id be okay. But he doesn’t listen and blames me and threw it in my face that I fell asleep at 7PM last night and could have cleaned or studied then. It was because I didn’t sleep the night before to finish an exam and finished another in the morning, and started two group assignments.
Am I a total doormat? I know the answer is yes. I guess I need a push to leave.
No. 363359
>>363356Get a cleaner to come once a week
Moids tend to have more lax standards for cleanliness.
i’m guessing it’s probably something that’s more important to you than him but if it’s not and he complains when you don’t, goodbye sir
No. 363362
>>363359We can’t really afford that and my main issue then I guess is that it’s not like i’m asking him to dust the baseboards, I’m asking him to pick up his socks and not leave garbage/food out for days. Like super basic stuff.
>>363357That’s my biggest fear is that’s what he’s doing to me, is it conscious? Like would he know that’s what he’s doing?
No. 363364
>>363356Girl respect yourself and leave him. You're his bangmaid right now. If you both want kids but you can't see yourself having one with him as an equal partner you are wasting your time. He's not going to change if he hasn't already in nine years.
>>363360>choking kink, won't stop when you tell him toRun. No amount of hot is worth a man strangling and raping you.
No. 363390
>>363362The reason he's like this doesn't matter, he will never change. Never in my life have I seen or heard of a man in a relationship changing his cleaning habits for the better and staying that way. I've heard of men changing AFTER they get broken up with for this kind of behavior because suddenly it computes for them, but I don't even know if those are true stories.
>>363360Run don't walk.
No. 363514
nonas im so lost on where to go.
so i've been seeing this guy for just over a month and he's truly one of the sweetest i've met. added bonus that he isn't a coomer or a manwhore. i feel like i finally met someone who wants to take things as slow as i do. he always listens to me, and has consistently reassured my schizo overthinking self that he's interested. i dealt with anorexia in my past, so once i recovered, i started to overthink many of my social interactions out of self-consciousness.
and i still can't help but overthink because his one fail is that he's such a dry texter, to the point that he will leave me on open at times. he swears he's only dry because he works a physically enduring job (which he sends me pics of when he can) and i know he's not lying because even when we've gone on dates, he doesn't dare to touch his phone. he also has like zero social media aside from an inactive instagram, snapchat to keep up with male friends (from the glimpse i saw) and to send me pictures of how his day is going. part of me thinks he's slightly autist but he communicates normally, if not even more in person to compensate.
he also cancelled on our plans not once, but 3 times. the first is because he was super exhausted from work, the second time from falling ill, and the third was because he forgot his in-law's birthday was happening. all reasonable excuses but still felt like a massive disrespect of my time. we did end up seeing each other afterwards for dinner, but he was still a bit under the weather… and i certainly made him feel guilty about it before i left.
i haven't thought to play detective yet because i don't want to come off as crazy but it's killing me knowing that he's possibly seeing other people, as we haven't talked yet about closing things off. i hate feeling like im boring him over text or that i go against my own boundaries to double text him, but i also don't want to lose him. and i feel so strongly that i'd feel guilty keeping myself open to other guys at this point. how do i effectively communicate this to him without coming off too strong too early? what's the best move to make? thx in advance nonas
No. 363601
>>363522you sound like a moid. its hilarious how you want to call me crazy yet there are anons in these threads who have cut up / destroyed their partner’s belongings, snoop through their phones, etc. and asking if they’re in the wrong. all ive stated is that im overthinking superficial things that he’s reassured me on, that im still thinking about because i don’t know how to navigate them without fearing that he'll feel some way about it.
>>363551thank you for the advice nona, and i actually am for the ana. i guess i should add more context to everything. when he cancelled, it would be last minute, every time. not even an hour in advance. so we would set a date, i would take time to get ready, and then maybe 30 minutes before the proposed time, he would send a message along the lines of “sorry but i have to cancel.” and i always told him i understood and that we could reschedule. never in an accusatory tone or in a way that made him feel guilty.
>Honestly you already came off too strong and controlling.im very non-confrontational, so even when we did meet after the cancellations, i didn’t necessarily scold him, but i did make it a point that i wish he would’ve just cancelled ahead of time and he apologized and told me i had every right to overthink because if it were the other way around, he would’ve felt the same way.
im more worried that id come off too strong by expressing how i feel regarding us, because i was never really given the option to do so in previous relationships i formed. they were all very forceful and borderline
abusive.
No. 363641
>>363514Other posters are right that you have to get over your insecurities, but at the same time he should be tripping over himself to get to spend time with you/text you. Everyone works so it's not an excuse to not put in effort into getting to know someone.
>but i also don't want to lose him.Who the fuck cares? You've known him for a month. Go get therapy.
No. 363698
>>363641ayrt, thank you and other anons for the advice. i was quite anxious at the time of posting and definitely needed the reminder that maybe things aren't as deep as im making them out to be.
>>363694i don't think it's necessarily wrong if you have suspicions, but it's only been a month.
No. 363901
File: 1702156607963.png (472.98 KB, 680x486, 0f8.png)
Coerced into sexual acts yet again.
No. 364486
>>358356>>355703Me again, we are one month into the 6 month lease and i've attempted to break things off for good after another argument today. He began swearing at me because I had left a letter I got in the mail in the wrong place (i received the letter yesterday and hadn't got round to putting it away). I completely lost it at him and told him I had enough, I was raised in an
abusive household and escaped and to now actively choose to live with a man who speaks to me like dirt is something I can't do.
He's begged me for another chance and i've said no and he's now left without saying anything (I assume he's gone to his parents). He said he sees his life with me and can't understand why he keeps ruining his chances. I'm completely devastated by everything.
No. 364640
>>364517At least promise us you will go to the landlords office or call them and tell them you’re going (or he’s going or you’re both going) and find out what the landlord is willing to do or find out if you can get him off the lease. They may be willing to budge on something. Be persistent. Don’t use the lease as an excuse to stay with this guy.
There’s also the option of being a bitch and not letting your ex boyfriend back in. What’s he gonna do sue you? Call the cops? Call the landlord (maybe which is why you should talk to the landlord first)? He’s not homeless he’ll be fine.
No. 364835
I'm about to tell you the sad story of how a girl I have feelings for ruined her entire life, and my desperate sad worrying from afar. Buckle up.
So, in 2013 I got to college and my first night there, my roommate comes in asking me if I want to go to a party her school team was throwing. I was hesitant, I was in a nice talk on Yahoo Messenger (remember that?) and didn't really want to leave it. But the thing that tipped me over the edge is this very cute Asian girl, looks identical to a young picture of Utada Hikaru that was one of my gay awakenings, smiled at me (and said…). Lame KH jokes aside, this was and remains literally the prettiest smile I've ever seen. This is the deuteragonist of our story, let's call her Kaylee though that isn't her real name. I go to the party, have a boring time honestly, sad I didn't get to talk to Kaylee there, but ultimately happy I went out.
Come next week, we're out again. Kaylee's there! I want to talk to her but my roommate beats me to it. My roommate is a lesbian, I knew that already, we partly picked each-other so things wouldn't be awkward. …I didn't know Kaylee was bi. That's a plus. The problem is um, my roommate successfully brings her back. Well, now anything with her would be awkward. They had sex again a few weeks later. The following morning I woke up hearing not very low whispering between the roomie and her, I pretended to be asleep to avoid conflict. There was what sounded like an early morning fingering session which is weird to do while I'm in the room but okay, but more importantly pillow talk getting to know each-other… this girl is so interesting. Favorite movies: Spirited Away and and a few really cool cult classics. Hobbies: snowboarding, hiking, listening to music ranging from Paramore to folk to synthpop. And the best part… she out of the blue asks what I like. My roommate decides to misrepresent one conversation to make me look weird either for laughs or to keep Kaylee away so I decide they're a snake, but that's not the important part, this seemed like a not definite but likely signal of interest to me. I decide it doesn't matter if it's weird, I have to get to know Kaylee better. I want this person, and at risk of sounding arrogant she's too tasteful and smart for my very shallow roommate.
I never develop the confidence to actually talk with Kaylee one on one though and there are few opportunities for it, she was only rarely at the parties I was being dragged to. She sleeps with my roommate a few times throughout the year and also develops a reputation for being promiscuous, there were two boys on her team she was also sleeping with. Despite not being a partier, she developed a bit of a stoner reputation too.
I transfer to another school because frankly I hate the party scene and hate my roomie, I end up even more uncomfortable in my next school (don't send unprepared small town people to one of the world's biggest cities) start a long downward spiral into NEEThood that I'm slowly clawing my way up from. I tell myself I wasn't that into and forget about Kaylee… or so I think. Kaylee also, unbeknownst to me, failed off her team, off what I can piece together through stalking public social media info she seems like she had a slower downward spiral of her own. I don't know whether she finished up at that school or not, plenty of info like a few FB pics far away when school would've been in session and her not working in her major (very high recruitment STEM field) I doubt it though.
Flash forward three years later. I think I've forgotten about Kaylee. I don't even remember her name, she's just that pretty Asian girl with the cool interests I should have gotten to know better. I'm in a 3-year relationship with a guy, living with him even and across the country from home, but there was very little attraction and never any love in that relationship (I'm like a 5 on the Kinsey scale) - I was just desperate and being stupid, honestly. I start writing fiction as a form of escapism and create a character… named Kaylee (IRL with this girl's real name instead), who looks sort of similar to her too. I didn't even think about it at the time since I didn't even remember the girl's name, this character was just fantasy fulfillment, some cross between my personality and extra-cool stuff that I'm not like at all, with looks I find appealing. This character becomes a constant presence in my writing for the next few years, long after I've broken up with the guy, long after I've moved back home. Just to keep the two stories in perspective, around this time real-Kaylee gets into what looks like a several year relationship of her own, gets really into yoga, seems at a loss for what to do with her life since her social media mentions some retreat to help her figure that out. She eventually falls in with a very "woke" social circle, after she breaks up with the boyfriend.
I return to college eventually, not really sure what I'll do with my life but I might as well finish my degree. Then 2020, the pandemic happens. I've spent the last six years terminally online, but now I'm extra-starved since dating prospects in my college town are pretty quashed. My brain wanders back to that beautiful girl who smiled at me, the girl I wanted to go hiking and watch Ghibli movies with. I look up her team roster to try and remember her name… wait, what. I've been unconsciously writing her, I think, for years. I was apparently way more into her than I thought, this isn't just idle curiosity. After doing a bit of pathetic cyberstalking because I have an autistic (I'm very high-functioning I swear) tendency to hyperfixate and my impulse control is sometimes bad… she hasn't changed much. She's into things like gardening, hiking, animals, her music interests seem broader now but similar too. One profile also has a photo with the exact same smile she gave to me that night, which was really heart-warming to see. She hasn't changed much. But… she's also apparently become enby. She only ever seemed a little tomboyish so it was a surprise to me, but I don't know how she feels inside or her motivations. I also found out her current social circle are strange artists who make a lot of art with porn and mutilation themes. Um… I'm worried about her. She always seemed like a curious person, that's attractive to me, and the long history of sexual looseness might help her fall in with that type of crowd. But I'm still worried, I want her to be safe.
For a few years my brain wanders to her on and off. Not daily or anything, I even develop an intense crush on someone else in that time, but honestly if I look back on my thought process I deliberately hyped up that crush (someone who on more prolonged interaction I don't even like) to myself to try and get my mind off Kaylee.
I've been in the most extreme "on" period yet lately, I guess because my life is starting to improve so I'm no longer feeling dejected. I'm starting to feel more like the me I was before I became a failure. I've thought of re-introducing myself to her and catching up, just desperately hoping it leads somewhere. Based on her personality and likes I actually think we'd click well so the odds don't seem horrible to me, but I don't think I'm in a place in life yet where I'd be able to maintain a relationship. She lives a few hours away and I um, don't yet have a car - on the other hand public transit to her city is easy, I might just be being a chicken and talking myself down from things like I always do. Either way, in bouts of poor impulse control I gave into the urge to cyberstalk again; most of the life backstory info like knowing about her LTR comes from recent peeking around timelines. She had a mastectomy though there are signs of regret since she's also growing her hair out long again. After peeking more deeply at her friend group's TLs, there are um… photos from the lockdown era of her doing BDSM stuff with a deliberately hideous tacklebox-face woman. Those pics are tagged with an alt account of hers, with a CashApp in the bio. There's no OnlyFans with her stage name and the name implies prostitution. I know none of this necessarily means she was or is a prostitute, it's some people just do OF-type stuff on Insta, but either way to me this represents further downward spiral and the possibility of the first has me very concerned.
So um, what should I do? Most importantly to help get her out of this, but also to make my chances with her better? I realize this must seem pathetic since I was literally never close to her, but doing nothing on either front would mean I'll kick myself forever.
No. 364896
Can someone tell me if I'm the one in the wrong here?
I am out of town for the holidays, I'm spending a longer holiday vacation seeing my mother (a month) and that means my boyfriend is home alone. Two important things to know before I get into further details:
1. I do 100% of the cooking, I love to cook, my bf loves my cooking, he can cook well enough to survive but that's about it
2. He gets sort of depressed when I'm gone, and doesn't take the best care of himself. I feel bad about this but also I do really miss my mother a lot living so far from her, I wanted to see her for the holidays and he couldn't come with
Multiple times since I have been gone my boyfriend has gotten food poisoning. He cooks or orders food, leaves it sitting out on the counter for many hours at a time, eats it, gets horribly sick. He always says he's just depressed and having a hard time and it's making him forgetful, but I feel like I'm dealing with a child. He's done this 3 or 4 times since I've been gone already, and tonight he did it again. He left nachos with meat on them out on the counter, ate dinner, now he's feeling bad. I didn't offer any sympathy this time and just coldly told him it was his own fault and now he's upset with me. It's going to be the same exact thing this time, "I'm just depressed, I wish you were here"
I'm torn because I miss him, I don't want him to feel bad, but also he keeps making the same poor choices over and over again. He only does stuff like this when we're not physically together because otherwise I enforce the no eating rotten food rule. It makes me worry for the future of our relationship, is he going to fail to care for our children properly if I'm not around for some reason? He's nearly perfect otherwise, it quite literally is just this ridiculous childish behavior that concerns me. Please give me some insight into this situation
No. 364898
>>364896Oh my god the bar is on the fucking floor. Do you seriously think there's ANY possibility you are in the wrong here? This is what you sound like
>guys, my bf keeps poisoning himself out of sheer laziness and stupidity, am I in the wrong for thinking he should not do this?I guaranfuckingtee this bullshit will continue if you have kids, only infinitely worse because now you have children at risk of harm and you yourself will have a massively increased mental and physical workload he is adding to. Frankly at this point it sounds like weaponized incompetence designed to punish you for daring to leave him alone. Utterly pathetic and no offence but you will be too if you put up with it.
No. 364904
>>364898It's just so baffling to me because he's not normally like this. He works so hard on so many things, he's always putting effort into things. He plans dates and vacations on his own, he's built me a ton of things I've asked for, rearranged the whole house to my liking, does all of the hard labor and dirty jobs around the house, he treats me like gold and is so mature, I can truly count on him for anything
Until I leave, and then he goes back to sleeping all the time, giving himself food poisoning, not cleaning up after himself, not watering the plants, etc. It's a night and day difference. And if he truly does get that depressed when I'm gone that's why I've wondered if I'm in the wrong for lacking sympathy. I just feel like the line has to be drawn somewhere with what I can actually feel bad for
No. 364927
>>364896>>364904Nta but have you considered his actions might be manipulation tactics to get you to stay home? Up to you to judge if that's the case or not.
If it isn't deliberate manipulation or just sheer laziness and you leaving for a month genuinely negatively impacts his mental health to this degree, then he needs to take responsibility for his mental health and seek professional guidance.
No. 364952
>>364904Ok then what happens when you have a baby and can't cook? Will he not cook or cook and give the whole house food poisoning?
What happens when you're busy with the baby, will he also start to feel lonely and depressed and stop functioning?
No. 364954
>>364896>is he going to fail to care for our children properly if I'm not around for some reason? Yes.
I also agree with this
>>364927 nona's theory that he is manipulating you, consciously or unconsciously. Sorry but mental illness doesn't have a switch like this. He might not even have food poisoning he could just be whining. It's possible it will get worse if you have a baby like
>>364952 says because he is """depressed""" he doesn't have your attention (many stories like this from new mothers).
Show him this video and tell him it's not that hard. At this rate he'll take himself out way before you guys start planning a family, foodborne illness deaths are not actually that uncommon lol (I actually think he's faking but in case he's not)
No. 364959
>>364896Lmao he's so retarded he keeps poisoning himself when youre not there to baby him.
My sympathy would be at a 0 the second time he told me about it.
3 steps and an open door is all it takes for him not to shit himself for hours.
I suspect he isn't actually getting sick, he's just telling you to get your attention and sympathy.
No. 364979
File: 1702395877326.jpg (2.23 MB, 3024x4032, hug.jpg)
>>364978It's ok nona, you're not dumb. The important thing is we all agree this man is bullshitting and he deserves no sympathy from her lol
No. 364998
>>364989I'm sorry
nonnie but your boyfriend is actually low iq. I don't think it's about masculinity, it sounds more like he's actually stupid and can't think about long term consequences or cause and effect. Even more so if he has in fact given himself food poisoning before. Is he too stupid to make a connection between the food and the times he got sick? If he can, why does he keep repeating the same mistake?
Food poisoning also has nothing to do with strenght. You can be perfectly healthy and die from it. So he's either ignorant about it or stupid enough to think strenght matters.
Like I know some sub 100 IQ people and this is exactly the kind of shit they'd do.
No. 364999
File: 1702406363269.jpeg (48.02 KB, 1080x608, IMG_6683.jpeg)
>>364989Pfft. So now that you called him out it’s not depression it’s
toxic masculinity? He’s full of shit. Do you believe everything he tells you? I don’t wanna mock you for caring about someone but come on
No. 365056
File: 1702424041885.jpg (64.64 KB, 500x271, 1547435276168.jpg)
My partner does this thing occasionally where he gets really angry and upset when I am angry and upset (right now, it's because I am stressed about a sudden onset of insomnia. I've slept no more than three hours a night for the past few weeks). He'll usually get escalated and say something like 'I just can't see you in pain. It makes me so angry/upset that I'm powerless'. There is never any anger towards me, rather it seems to be this directionless emotion from him that he can't seem to control. It's likely a result of poor emotional intelligence, and his need to have me -his rock- be fine. I am very level-headed and calm most of the time, and he's highly energetic and anxious.
This situation (especially the one that happened last night) is so frustrating because when he pulls this shit, I feel like I have to console him when I am the one upset! I am the one experiencing a major problem! Last night, so sleep deprived, I just let it be because I couldn't give a fuck and didn't want to reward batshit behaviour. It just feels so selfish of him to not allow me that space to feel upset/angry and support me within it. You don't have to fix the problem, just don't make it all about you, man. I do that with him all the time. I don't even know if he's aware that he does this. Even last night was saying 'Oh I'll have to take work off because I can't sleep. I'm so worn out over this'. I'm sorry, are you the one sleeping three hours a night for the past week and a half?! I'm going to fucking work because I have to. Bitch, get a grip and support me.
I'm going get my thoughts together on this and explain this to him, because it's become a real sore spot for me and he's very easy to communicate with. Do any nonas have experience with this weird behaviour in their partner? How should I explain myself that it'll make sense?
No. 365068
>>364989Kek your scote is a fucking idiot.
He eats the bad food, gets sick, whines to you about being sick, but now it's not a problem for him because he can overcome getting sick????
Does he have a sickness fetish??
This is bizarre behaviour that will make life dangerous once you have children.
Is he going to leave the milk out to go rancid before feeding your infant?
Bizarre indeed.
No. 365070
>>365056Yes! It was such a big problem in our relationship. It often became ME helping HIM feel better when I was the one that was originally hurt/upset/angry. My biggest regret was letting it becoming a cycle, as I really just thought of him as emotional and needed help expressing himself. However, it became less cute the more we were together.
It took a while to get him to understand what he was doing felt very manipulating and exhausting. It was a lot of conversations, and past/present examples. He's better at it now, and I'm quick to call it out if I start to notice it creeping into our conversations. Most of the time, we get "rid" of it by him stepping away for a moment to regulate his emotions and rationalize how I feel versus what he needs to do to help. I also had to tell him what usually helps me during certain situations so he knows healthier responses. It's still not perfect, but it's better and easier for me to express myself. He needs to understand that not everything is about him, and I was very blunt about telling him that and repeating it when he starts to make it about him. But PLEASE don't let this become worse than it needs to be. You shouldn't need to explain empathy to someone who should love you, and let him basically dehumanize you. Know your limits and your kindness. Hope for the best for you nonna, you deserve love without overworking yourself.
No. 365071
>>365056ugh my bf could have written this post, I am the emotionally immature one kek. Whenever my bf is upset or angry I just get this simmering anxiety in my chest like he's going to lash out and hurt me (he has never done this or even threatened it of course but anxiety is not reasonable). I also feel the same sadness when his problem is something out of my control and there's nothing I can do for him. And then when he notices I'm sad and goes to comfort me it feels even worse!
It's something your partner will need to work through on his own. Don't comfort him when it happens, prioritize yourself. If he starts freaking out while you're not doing well, say "sorry, I can't help you right now" or something and leave him alone. Tell him something he can do to help you feel better and redirect his anxiety over being useless- making you a bath, or some tea, or a massage, or to go to the store and get you something if you really need some space kek. Ultimately his emotional immaturity isn't your problem to solve though. If he's good at communication you can tell him exactly what you said in your post even, then it's up to him to stop placing his emotional needs before yours. I'm sorry your partner isn't there for you when you need it and honestly reading your post is making me reflect a lot on my own awful anxiety kek
No. 365105
>>365099As someone who has been in this position, this video did me a lot of good. She's not everyone's cup of tea but her way of discussing personal worth really connected with me.
Here is my tangential rant from one nona to another - if this moid is being nice to you and expects something back for his nicety (be it dating or sex), that should tell you as much about him as you need to know. If someone buys you a coffee or opens a door for you or listens to you talk about some niche topic for an hour, that's their decision. They are a functioning adult who chose to do that task. You didn't sign some contract with him saying 'okay so you be nice to me and I'll date you'. Maybe your moid thinks there is an unspoken rule. That's fine - he can be alone because you know your worth, otherwise you wouldn't have even posted. You know you deserve more.
You should want to decide to get intimate with someone for a multitude of reasons, not just because they're nice. A majority of men play this nice card just to get what they want. And is him being nice really all that astounding? How far will being nice go in a relationship when you need support or want to have a serious conversation? You DESERVE someone who is going to be the full package. Don't settle for someone who's just nice. There has to be a reason you want to date someone, Nona Jones.
So you tell this guy 'It's been fun, but I realised I'm not compatible with you' and you'll see how nice he really is. Maybe he'll flip his lid
and say you mislead him. Just block him if that happens. Absolutely not worth your time, maybe he'll be fine and move on.
No. 365110
>>365070Thanks nona. I explained this to him today, and he was a little confused and didn't seem to understand. For now I'm glad I've laid the groundwork, and he was glad I was honest about how I was feeling. I'm going to keep explaining and letting him know in the moment 'Why did you just redirect when I was telling you how I felt?'. He's a creature of habit, so I think the more I do this the more he'll catch on and actually be conscious of what he is doing.
>>365071Honestly seeing the otherside of my situation through your post was really helpful. My partner also suffers from really bad anxiety, and I guess when I go under he's quick to follow and can't regulate those emotions because anxiety just bowls everything over. (Used to have anxiety bad, but never as bad as him). I'm going to try your technique of redirection so he's doing something, even just boiling the kettle.
> Sorry, I can't help you right now. I really think this is the key - blunt and simple.
No. 365124
>>365099You don’t owe him shit. Being nice is a baseline human expectation he didn’t do anything worth repaying. even if he did something sort of special in no universe is there a level of “nice” that
deserves to be repaid with access to your body, send him a fucking thank you note if he actually did something. You are not interested in dating or fucking him so do not.
No. 365189
>>365136It's not because you have sex often, it's because he watches porn and is gooning to it so he can keep watching more and more.
I've had a porn addicted moid ex who would cum when we had sex every other day, I also now have a Nigel who cums as much as 3 times in a row and we have sex daily, so it's more about your Nigel gooning.
I'm sorry his performance is affecting your body dysmorphia thoughts, but this is not because of you at all.
No. 365195
>>365136>he’s not like a coomer or anything just an average 22 year old moid The average moid is a coomer. Porn is normalized to an extent that moids openly like porn on their social media accounts and their girlfriends don't bat an eye. If he's openly liking (soft) porn on social media, what and how often do you think he's watching in private, when and where you're not looking.
The truth is right in front of you. It's the porn.
No. 365210
File: 1702499351455.jpg (27.68 KB, 960x958, FB_IMG_1698503440163.jpg)
Anons, a few months ago my boyfriend called me the name of his girl friend during sex. Before we dated he's told me he had a big crush on her and they kissed once but she wasn't into it. Then later, during an outing to a concert with said girl (I will call her P), she mentioned that my boyfriend offered to pay for her oil change and that he asked her to hang out that day. He did not offer to pay for my own busted headlight, and that day I was texting him about how stressed and depressed I was feeling but he did not offer to hang out.
That caused me to spiral into insecurity and we had a week filled with tension. I told him that he made me so insecure and that I won't get it back, then I told him
1. Do not hang out with P alone/without me
And
2. Don't do things for her you haven't/wouldn't also do for me
He seemed very upset and apologetic and promised he'd do better.
Well, in the friend group chat P messages everybody and asks if anyone wants to come with her and my boyfriend to watch some band playing on saturday. I'm instantly upset. Then, once he knows I'm upset he tells me he didn't know if it was actually happening or not and that he was trying to ask other people to go so that he didn't go alone with her and the only reason he didn't mention it to me was because I work that day. But he could've just told me about it, right? He told me he was thinking of me the whole time but if he was wouldn't he at least mention it before she goes and asks everyone?
No. 365218
>>365210>my boyfriend called me the name of his girl friend during sexthis is my worst nightmare
run and never look back, he clearly still has feelings for her and you're plan B
No. 365316
>>365210You're not the one who should be insecure, he is. He likes a girl that doesn't want him yet he still simps for her and instead of liking women that love him, he continues to chase after someone that very clearly doesn't want him romantically.
Break up, he doesn't love you.
No. 365462
>>365210>he was trying to ask other people to go so that he didn't go alone with herYou can’t trust other people to keep him in line, especially if they’re his scrote friends. Just so you know, there’s moids that will cover for their cheating friend and lie for him.
Like every other anon said, just break up.
No. 365882
>>365691The glamorous instagram models isn't really reassuring. I've noticed guys that follow a shit ton of those accounts are usually coomers, and cooming doesn't just go in one direction where he is only interested in glamor models, it's the kind of thing where it infects the way they view everything.
Hard to say about the niece, he might be weird or he might just think she's cute in a puppy way. If your gut tells you it's weird I'd listen to it but otherwise I wouldn't consider any of it a smoking gun.
No. 366124
>>366109>he's bi and more into men than womenjust think about how he's sticking his dick into moid's poop holes, and he's probably taking it up the ass too. your crush could have stds. do you really want that nastiness in your vagina? that should be enough to give you the ick.
>>366119this is all true. they're also more likely to cheat on their women partners with men.
No. 366189
>>366119>>366124I know I know I know… I was surprised when I started feeling attracted because I consciously don't want to sleep with him and so I never flirt with him (but still can't help myself from seeking his company, I think he's starting to notice). I have a hard time with sex even with men I am extremely attracted to, so the idea of doing this with a bi friend who is not the most attractive and who is also a colleague is horrific and I hate myself for entertaining the possibility. In a weird way it might be because we are very close but never talk about relationship stuff/sex-related subjects. Usually my hetero male friends lightly mention what is going on in their lives, while my gay friends love gossiping about those things (and I know zero other bi guys because they all turned out gay kek). He is extremely discreet about it, at least with me. So I guess I just unconsciously started projecting my own fantasies onto him.
I see few possibilities: 1)I get a fucking grip, spend less time with him and move on, 2)I get him to talk more about himself until he reveals something gross and focus on that, 3)I tell him I'm crushing a little on him, that I don't think it would work out and that I need some space to move on, which is basically option 1 but making things awkward on purpose by dumping my feelings onto him. I know option 1 is the only reasonable one an adult should make but I'm too weak.
No. 366220
File: 1702868755205.jpg (148.14 KB, 1079x1074, 20231218_024630.jpg)
>>364028Your words alone reveal how ugly you look irl
>>365210One time i shared that my bf and I don't have friends of the opposite sex as a boundary and I got shit on. Now y'all know what we've been avoiding.
>>366219>there's nothing i can do do i tell him to fuck off earlyThat's where you're wrong, babygirl. You'll dump him eventually, and in a few months it won't matter. Stay classy but let him go
I nearly dumped my man over a weird ass situation that made it look like he went offline during sexting to look at porn, and seeing how much worse the tales itt are makes me realize I'm just paranoid and should unblock him, especially considering how we never had that issue before and he lets me check all his electronics, etc. But whereas I'm overly defensive and put myself first, it hurts to see how many women here feel the urge to subject themselves to their nigels' bullshit. Both of these attitudes are bad for different reasons
No. 366268
>>366109>>366189>I'm crushing on a friend at work>but I don't find him handsome at all Does not compute. It’s not a crush if you don’t think they’re cute.
>despite becoming steadily more attracted to himSo you do think he’s cute? Do you mean he’s not conventionally attractive but you’re attracted anyway? Honestly it sounds like you’re just horny right now, masturbate and let it pass. It would probably be messy to get involved with this person and you seem against it so don’t tell him you have a crush because that just invites reciprocation from him (which you don’t want) or rejection and dissolving of the friendship which I think you also don’t want. You don’t have to be weird and “distance yourself” or announce anything to him you just have to keep it in your pants and keep your mouth shut.
No. 366324
>>366239hes been here for a few days n staying for 10 more. I think i might just make up some excuse so he can leave. I'd hate to be rude and burn the bridge with an otherwise good friend but I can't take it anymore.
>>366273girl he is HERE
No. 366382
>>366347nonnie im not in the mood so pls stop projecting your shit onto me i don't like the guy and want him gone because he's annoying to me, thats it
>>366369He'll need a plane, to add context we're not dating dating, but there's the emotional charge of a relatively long relationship with nothing official, except it is one sided and I want him gone. I'm doing my best for him to spend a decent trip but the next time I sleep next to him and he cuddles with me I will seriously bite his weird smelling hand off. the pheromones are all off istg
No. 366409
>>366387I told him I didn't like him and he's leaving, way ahead of you. the reaction was predictably baby moid crying but im glad its over soon
>>366393girl i have a disgusting smelling man in my house breathing bad breath in my space and also grown up responsibilities to attend that he was hindering with constant demands for attention, of course I am foaming at the mouth writing in this thread because it was my only outlet. I'm not sure why everyone here is getting their panties in such a twist when you don't even know the details of the situation. I'll be fine though, y'all go work on your list of affirmations or smth
No. 366421
>>366401to provide context: he's a longterm online friend and decent enough guy, we've been talking about the idea of dating for a bit, he wanted to visit and I made efforts to show him around my country and for him to have fun. I'm not romantically interested but he's kinda pushing it and obviously was thrilled with the idea of being together, I felt I couldn't refuse due to givng him hope and the longevity of our friendship (f that), decided to be honest and offered to keep the trip going and for him to have fun but he got in his feelings and is going home.
also I only have one bed, it's big enough for him to get lost but he'd sometimes cuddle up with me and I'd have to wait for like an agonizing 5 mins before making up some excuse to be let go. I don't usually hold my tongue but I didn't want to hurt him so I kinda froze i guess, it's not his fault i didn't tell him how much he sucked on day one
>>366411he's not actually stanky, he clean, i just hate his natural scent and mannerisms and he was getting overbearing enough that it was causing me distress, don't worry though I learned my lesson, thanks anon ♥
>>366416it wasnt for sex, he has not touched me, y'all get so slut shamey over here sometimes it's a little bleak
No. 366444
>>366424ughhh pls I'm not bpd and I never lie about shit like this, I don't have to, mf didn't touch me besides the odd hug and cuddling against me to sleep.
Depending on circumstances people of opposite sex can share a bed without necessarily fucking as I have seen many times, maybe he had further intentions but I certainly dgaf, I don't have sex with people I dislike because that would make my body spontaneously combust. I'm not sure why y'all think this is a hookup thing when I was just hyped to share my culture with a friend I usually have fun talking to. I thought we could've been romantically compatible but rlly understood from first sight he was not my type. believe women pls. I'm not even embarrassed of anything and have learned from my mistake but I have literally 0 reason to lie
No. 366449
>>366324>Coerced into sexual acts yet again. >>363901 >I'd hate to be rude and burn the bridge with an otherwise good friend >>366219Bitch what the fuck?
>>366382> to add context we're not dating dating, but there's the emotional charge of a relatively long relationship with nothing official>>366409>I told him I didn't like him and he's leavinggood for you…
>>366416this nona is right
>>366421>it wasnt for sex, he has not touched methen why did you say "Coerced into sexual acts yet again." ??????????
No. 366453
File: 1702951636678.jpg (74.47 KB, 620x349, image.jpg)
>>366449>then why did you say "Coerced into sexual acts yet again." ??????????that was a different anon from like 9 days ago
No. 366456
>>366453Then why the reply
>>366324>girl he is hereTo
>>366273 ???
No. 366464
>>366456because i have stupid, it was meant for
>>366261probably should've taken to vent thread tho I kinda shat up this one sorry lol bye yall and thanks to some for the attempted "advice" i didnt know the universal female experience of heavily disliking an overbearing male friend made me bpd
>>366462yeah I done goofed
nonnie but im okay i have not been SA'd, but good to know how empathetic you would've been
No. 366658
>>358356I am beginning to resent my bf but i find him too attractive to leave. well not just the attractiveness is keeping me but it’s a main facet. we have been together for a couple years now and he has many good things about him.
he is objectively one of the most attractive men i’ve met, he’s been scouted for modelling and resembles a younger johnny depp but has always been too into his “music” to pursue modelling. he is very hygienic and organised, cooks beautiful meals and has waited on me hand and foot when i’ve been sick or had finals. he’s articulate, smart and a talented musician. he’s amazing at sex and the first man to make me squirt (also hes never given me a uti due to his perfect hygiene). he also doesnt watch porn, does not have social media (besides an art page he no longer posts on), isn’t interested in gaming or memes and loves hiking/nature etc but isnt a hippie about it.
Now the bad, he’s prone to MANY moid meltdowns, he can be very easy to wind up and has freaked out over small things such as going for a meal with extended family to me spilling some water on the floor. once he loses his cool he is a very different person. he has been incredibly horrible to me when blackout drunk and this caused friction, he’s since stopped drinking as much but it still plays on my mind. he is generally quite tense and pent up. he has spectrum tendencies hence his gift in art and music but at times his reactions do not match social situations. he has also fallen out of touch with his friends and generally lacks any real social interest despite having been in bands most his life. his career is questionable as he’s 30 and works for minimum wage as the sole employee of a small business, he is hoping the business will be passed down to him when the owner dies which is likely but won’t be for a while, other than that he has no prospects job wise and cant drive.
what do i do? i’m at the stage now where i either commit long term and fully accept this as the one or i leave now. i’m unsure of myself, we have been together for three years and i dont want to leave only to find myself in sea of porn addicted ugly moids regretting my decision….
No. 366667
>>366658>prone to MANY moid meltdowns>has freaked out over small things such as going for a meal with extended family to me spilling some water on the floor>he has been incredibly horrible to me when blackout drunk>he is generally quite tense and pent upDump him yesterday!
>he has spectrum tendencies hence his gift in art and music but at times his reactions do not match social situationsSounds like you're making excuses for him. Is he even diagnosed autism spectrum or are you just looking for an excuse for him being an asshole? Even if he was he should have learned by now how to mask and act normal. Dump him.
>he has also fallen out of touch with his friends […] despite having been in bands most his lifeRed flag. They dumped him because he sucks, as you should.
Sorry your hottie is trash.
No. 366901
>>366875You should really think about the age gap esp if you're under 30.
I'm older (over 30), my husband is in his early 40's and visited strip clubs with his friend in his early twenties. However, he feels incredible shame and guilt around these memories and has since cut out all those friends from his life. I think a lot of men get into
toxic male environments in their early twenties (esp a while ago), what matters is if they recognize that behavior as
toxic and if they made a commitment to be better, it doesn't sound like your fiance does that. I would ask him about it but seriously consider leaving him… What if you have a daughter in the future?
No. 366926
This website got me out of the gendie cult, but I'm still with a TIF. Every day my patience grows thinner and I don't think I can be with her for much longer. The problem is about a year and a half ago their new car required a lot of maintenance and knowing my car was reaching the end of its lifespan I thought it'd be a good idea to invest all of my savings that was supposed to go towards my student loans to her car. That way we'd have one working vehicle for a little bit while I got a new one. Well, my car broke down, and we kept not having enough money to even get it looked at, so I just sold it for cheap and carried on, when I tried to get a used one on loan I was denied by some random credit agency, when the big three were all good. I'm now stuck using their car and due to her "feeling like she needs to be a student" I'm stuck fronting most of our fucking bills.
We have some credit card debt that I was trying to pay off then dip but she keeps doing stupid shit like "Oh, our animals have to have a new appointment since it's the new year. The dog needs a dental soon" So she makes the fucking appointment, knowing that I'm not guaranteed hours at my work since it's PRN. We are consistently scraping by and when I tell her I need help financially to fix this mess (so I can dip and find someone who's not trying to mutilate themselves and their genitals) she goes "I can find another student job" which would only be an extra 6 hours a week due to how her school works with 'student jobs'. I keep trying to say that we need to hold off on any extra spending as I'm already going to have to pay for her car to get the tags done since they've been expired for months and instead of trying to save money for it she fucking wastes it and then when I bring up that we should use the money for the vet for that she gets pissed, as if the dental and exam can't wait another month or two (the dog doesn't have bad teeth, it's just been enough time after her last that she needs to be seen)
Meanwhile, if I get pulled over, ticketed, and put in jail because I can't pay the fine/get a criminal record I can lose my entire career and not be allowed to work in the field again. Every day I go to work I'm literally risking my livelihood by just fucking driving there. I'm at my wit's end and I'm fucking trapped in this relationship, she's also threatened that if we were to break up I'd only get one of the cats despite both of them being for me. Every time we have any sort of intimacy I can't get into it anymore, I fake an orgasm after a while and hope she leaves me alone. I'm mentally exhausted and if I leave her because of her being a troon I look like the bad guy no matter what. I just wanna date the girl I knew when we were teenagers again.
No. 366938
>>366926>if I leave her because of her being a troon I look like the bad guyDon't say you're leaving her for this reason, but because she's financially retarded. Apparently financial issues is the most common reason for relationship arguments, and I think not seeing eye to eye on this is a
valid reason to break up. She needs to grow up, but I don't think it's going to happen as long as her life is cushy enough, which it is as long as you can provide for the both of you. I'm sorry you're in this situation.
No. 366945
>>366875>in his 20's>20 years agoIm assuming you're not 50 years old on lolcow so he is still a dirty old bastard creeping on girls half his age
Also I would never date a moid who frequented strip clubs. My fiancé has been to one once at his friends 19th birthday, according to said friend he didnt want to go and left after 10 minutes. If he had wanted to go to one and stayed there it would have been a dealbreaker for me, even if thats almost 10 years ago now.
No. 366959
>>366932I think you need to actively start putting yourself first and have your income directed to your own bank account again and don't ask her for her permission. I 100% understand that's a tough step to take and an even tougher conversation with her, but you'll be so much worse off if she financially ruins you. You're looking to break up with this girl anyway, at some point your responsibility towards her financial situation stops.
It's easy for her to spend money when you're the one providing it. Take away her (your) money and she'll have to kickstart into becoming financially responsible and frugal, that's not necessarily a bad thing even if it's not fun for her to deal with.
You've got the means to avoid the risk of losing your livelihood, taking uncomfortable action is worth it.
No. 366967
>>366956He doesn’t want to talk about my concerns and doubts about his fidelity at all during this time. He said this person can barely breathe, is not eating etc. He wants me to support him and keep him positive.
I really don’t know if he brought it up as an excuse but I can only think that’s the case because I really want to clear things up and ask my questions. I’ve never been in his position, it’s very likely he does feel bad and is not him trying to make me forget about this and stop talking about it.
He was at least trying to talk to me about it. He was offering solutions. All I wanted in my past relationships was full transparency and here is a man offering it. But I don’t know if it’s because I really caught him on something. I don’t want him to have cheated and gotten away with it. I assume he’ll want to do it again. That he’ll find another way to cheat… Or I don’t know if it’s because he wants to be done and rid of my insecurities along with the stuff that can
trigger them, move on and never have this issue again. I just don’t know and I don’t know how I can NOT think about this and just comfort him like nothing is wrong
No. 367209
File: 1703224076197.jpg (348.11 KB, 1201x1200, pensive.jpg)
I want to break up with my bf of nearly 6 years… I don't want to get into the reasons right now, but I've been thinking about it for a while and now I'm feeling pretty confident about this decision.
The thing is, I'm currently travelling internationally, so the only way we can communicate is by text/call, and he's been pretty busy recently; he hasn't even been online in 3 days, and before that we barely talked because he always had work to do. The exact day I get back from my trip is his birthday and I was supposed to attend a huge birthday party that he's been planning (part of why he's been so busy).
This makes for incredibly awkward timing and I'm not sure what to do.
If I break things off through text before I get back, it would be then be incredibly uncomfortable for everyone if I showed up at his party soon after, but it'd also be inconvenient to not attend because my plane ticket is set up to meet him in a particular city that neither of us live in, and he has some borrowed valuables of mine that he was going to give back that day. So I'd have to cancel a bunch of travel plans and backtrack on my schedule, with the risk that he could just refuse to return my stuff after that. Also, I'd be breaking up during Christmas season, which feels weird.
Breaking up on his birthday in the middle of a huge party, besides being mean, would create an even worse atmosphere. I may want to break up but I'm not trying to twist the knife, plus even if I had zero respect for him I still wouldn't want to stir up drama at an event with a bunch of people.
And I guess breaking up after isn't as bad, but it still feels really awkward to attend this party and have a bunch of fun while secretly planning to break up, especially if it's soon after… and I don't really want to be all intimate with him in the meantime. I'd either have to fake being in love to stay discreet or be unusually and awkwardly cold.
Every option sucks, what should I do? I was considering a blended 4th option where I tell him through text that I'm having doubts about our relationship and drop that I'm thinking about taking a break, but don't push for a breakup immediately, and thus let some time pass where he understands that I'm feeling distant without causing a big disruption at an inconvenient time. Then breaking up when things aren't hectic I guess. I am not really a fan of this one either because it feels indirect and dishonest, but I can't think of any approach that isn't unsavory in some way.
Am I just overthinking this? I really have no idea when or how to bring it up, I wish it didn't have to be painful and messy to end things and that we could just continue to not talk to each other.
No. 368642
File: 1703446255209.jpeg (997.64 KB, 1179x1923, IMG_6945.jpeg)
Just a stupid vent. My husband spend a $50 birthday gift card I had siting in my email inbox for three years. I just couldn’t think what to spend it on, it wasn’t expiring. He said he thought he was helping me. Bitch what the fuck. That was my present. And he spent it on something really retarded (it was a dollskill gift card so everything there is retarded but he got something extra retarded and overpriced.) he also left like $1.22 on the card so it’s not even really spent honestly, now I have to think about having a dollar sitting in my inbox. He even paid for shipping even though they always have free shipping promotions; I chewed him out for that. I just showed him this ad and he laughed and said I’m so mean to him. I don’t care don’t use my damn present for a fucking $45 sailor moon costume — so embarrassed even typing that I have to spoiler reee I’m not gonna wear that, dumbass
Later the same week he opened a Christmas gift I bought myself. Again he said he thought he was helping by unboxing it and putting the objects on display. Helping with what? I like opening things and the things were packaged very cutely in nice boxes so it would have been a nice silly treat to open on Christmas. We don’t really celebrate but sometimes I like to indulge in the traditions and feel a little holiday festivity. Damn. Maybe I should have married someone from a family that cares about birthdays and holidays but I used to hate them so it never bothered me. why does he have to suddenly get retarded about it this year …
No. 368659
>>368649If he wants to see me in it that's too bad. That's quite a change in taste after 13 years too, I don't wear costumes & he's never asked me to wear a costume. It's so ugly too, he's never purchased anything so fucking tacky in his life, I really don't get it. I don't care about the money, really not a money thing we don't have money trouble. As for the boxes he just doesn't see opening it as meaning anything but he should know better. I know he recognized that the boxing job was nice because he took a picture. He doesn't get it when I leave things for him to open and always seems surprised I haven't opened things that are addressed to him if he's not home when they arrive and I always tell him that's because it's not for me it's for him so he gets to open it.
Maybe I should make us start celebrating holidays for real so he can see what it's like and how it works lol
No. 368685
>>368642Lemme steal from you and use your money to buy this fantasy costume shit you don't even want but that serves me. That combination has to be some weird sexual resentment shit bubbling up underneath the just play dumb act.
You say you don't have money troubles, that just makes it weirder that he couldn't even order it himself without the added insult of stealing from you to force this thing into your possession. I don't think just refusing to wear it is enough. He didn't pay for it so its no loss to him. You're still just down a giftcard and he's learnt nothing.
No. 368763
>>368696I'd donate it.
Did you at least get the money back? I know you said you don't worry about money but out of principle you should get it back imo.
No. 368796
Am I overreacting?
Me and my fiance haven't had sex in months, for reference. He doesn't seem all that excited about my suggestions to spice things up and he says he doesn't want to "objectify" me in that way, even when I say things I know he's expressed interest in in the past.
A few weeks ago, I saw a post on my instagram that was recommended because my fiance liked it. It was a thirst trap of a girl with her tongue out asking in coy language for a facial (…the kind of stuff I suggest but he never goes for…) . I go onto this account and it's an onlyfans model's personal instagram and he has liked every single one of her posts. Every. Single. Fucking. One. She's also much younger than I am and looks nothing like me. I was furious at first, then just heartbroken.
It's one thing to watch porn. I know he watches porn. I've seen his google history on his phone and I've poked good natured fun at his choices and he's laughed back, knowing I don't really care. "Oh stop babe hahahaha, just put in (insert restaurant we need directions to) and let's go" kind of stuff.
This goes beyond porn for me. This girl runs her own page, does Q and A's from her "fans," has a very active following. She can see that he likes every single one of her posts. Naturally, he's one of a bunch of men and I'm sure she doesn't notice him specifically–but dude. If I caught this on my recommended feed, other people are catching this on their recommended feeds too that follow him. And also seeing that he liked every single post this girl makes. While he is engaged. If you're publicly implying/expressing sexual interest in another person who personally runs that page and can see your interest…that feels like cheating to me. It doesn't help that he won't experiment sexually with me and will like posts of other women implying they want the same goddamn thing. It was like a punch to the gut and I haven't been able to look at him the same since.
Am I overreacting? Am I being crazy? I seriously want to leave over this shit, I'm disgusted and so so hurt.
I understand these girls are just doing their thing. I'm actually very sex work positive–you do you booboo. But he's engaged and also clearly obsessed with this very specific girl. It makes me so sick.
What do.
No. 368799
>>368798Honestly the fact you think my problem is bait makes me even more sad
nonnie, lol
No. 368815
>>368802Succinctly put, nona. Libfems say they're fine with sex work and porn and then cry when their crusty porn addicted moid isn't intimate with them anymore and jerks off to, wait for it, sex workers and
porn. It's just depressing.
No. 368817
>>368796In a way you (unfortunately) are and you aren't overeacting. You are "overreacting" in the sense that the bar keeps moving for men to consume degenerate shit, openly liking prostitutes' content has already been normalized. Originally it was, what, consuming magazines in the privacy of their own home which they'd try to keep hidden from their wives, then it became video porn, that was then normalized over time to the extent men openly talk about it with their partners and in public, now it's openly liking porn using personal social media accounts and engaging with prostitutes online while in a relationship. In 10 or 20 years it'll probably be socially acceptable for men in relationships to produce their own porn with AI using the jmage of people they know or to have sex with advanced robots.
You, just like the rest of us, are stuck in a societal movement where degeneracy is increasingly acceptable and you can't change that as one woman by herself. You can tell your man "Don't engage with sex workers' content, I don't like it" and there's a good chance he'll say "Don't be controlling/whiny, everyone else does it too".
>It's one thing to watch porn. I know he watches porn. I've seen his google history on his phone and I've poked good natured fun at his choices and he's laughed back, knowing I don't really care. "Oh stop babe hahahaha, just put in (insert restaurant we need directions to) and let's go" kind of stuff.But nothing will change until women stop going along with this shit. It could only go as far as it has because openly watching porn in relationships has no consequences for men, just like you were perfectly happy to encourage your own bf to jack it to porn of other women just to let him sleep next to you later that night. It's a slippery slope from there. I'm not saying it's your fault and I'm not saying you should be the revolution but to some degree you've unintentionally set the stage for this to happen.
Anyway stop tolerating porn full-stop, not just you but women in general, that's the only way to halt and revert this degeneracy.
No. 368821
File: 1703505439043.png (868.76 KB, 1354x784, Screen_Shot_2018-10-25_at_11.0…)
>>368796>I'm not like those others girls baby I think its cool and funny you watch porn, also sex work is real work and valid>Wait why are you not having sex with me anymore and liking those whores pictures instead of loving meLibfem clockwork
No. 369103
>>369091I am in a similar situation; this is what has helped me so far.
Set boundaries for things that you feel his ADHD affects the most in your relationship (e.g finishing a chore, saving a certain amount of money, sending quality time with you). Make it absolutely clear to him how you feel about these things so he knows how his AHDH affects you if/when these things are compromised. If he makes excuses 'muh adhd' and refuses to do anything about it then drop him. If he loves you enough he will work towards positive change.
Be absolutely honest with him about his behaviour. If my partner is having a particularly intense day I will tell him he is annoying me. If you spend all your time managing him when he is at his worst, you will have no energy or desire to appreciate him at his best.
Just curious nona, is he on meds/going to therapy?
No. 369107
>>369091Just don't. You can find plenty of men without ADHD.
>b-but I love him!!Chances are he won't love you enough to get his shit together, or else he wouldn't even bring up his ADHD in the first place. That way any time he disappoints or fails you, he can bring out ADHD as an excuse. Do you really want to mommy a grown man?
No. 369182
File: 1703665844909.jpg (52.65 KB, 772x960, 5465434684.jpg)
Can we vent about another person's relationship? One of my best friends has been dating a Marine for four years. He's quitting soon, so it won't be for long, but I'm so paranoid about men that I'm sure her bf has cheated on her at least once in the past 4 years (he is stationed far away so they only see each other on holidays). She caught him following a bunch of instathots. I told her to call him out on it and she did, and he unfollowed all of them, but the behavior on its own is suspect. It would be SO easy for a moid to cheat when he is stationed 1000 miles away. I haven't shared my cheating suspicions with my friend, because it just seems unnecessary to wound her without proof. I'm just scared she's going to get hurt really badly. I've met him a couple times and he seems like an innocent enough guy but you can never tell.
No. 369212
>>369210>overly energetic>doesn't recognize no social cuesYou sure there isn't something wrong with him? Anyway
>>369211 is right
No. 369214
>>369211His friends barely congregate. He doesn't seem as interested in them as he is mine, which is really frustrating.
He wants to spend NYE together with me. I'd rather he didn't come with me to see my friends at all because of his behaviours, and I have tried to make that distance by just having him come at the end to pick me up but that hasn't worked because e wants to see my friends and thinks they like him as much as he likes them. So how the hell do I approach this in a way that won't just be an easy fix.
>>369212There's definitely something amiss upstairs, however it hasn't affected our relationship in a huge way outside of this issue.
No. 369241
I know I'm the bad person and probably lolcow material.
I'm dating a guy younger than me, who has less experience and a lot of self esteem issues. We're codependent. He can be careless and a bit of a child, but he's has never been mean to me.
Lately, we have been arguing a lot, breaking up and getting back together every other month, etc. Mostly, I get hurt, he doesn't react besides stuttering "sorry", I get mad, he says it makes no sense that I'm mad, I explaint it over and over again until the conversation becomes me verbally abusing him.
Two days ago we argued during Christmas, which ended up in me self-harming (a thing I hadn't done in years) and him panicking big time over it. I normally don't self-harm or have such aggressive reactions, but I'm off meds and without therapy, so I feel very unstable.
Yesterday he said we are hurting each other and need a break (not to break up, just be apart for a couple of weeks), and that whenever I get angry I said hurtful things that make him sad. I recognized I'm a cunt and booked a therapy appointment, and he was pleased about that. He says he loves me more than anything and we can see each other again in three weeks.
I have autism, and most of the times I get mad at him it's just me sperging over minute things like something not getting done on time or "the correct way", or some small disagreement over the most efficient way to do something.
What can I do besides wait for him to feel comfortable talking to me again? What can I tell my new therapist so she can help me correct my behavior? I don't want to be hurtful or abusive, but I truly cannot help myself if I'm unmedicated and without counseling. Should I break up with my moid or is this fixable?
No. 369610
>>369241>but he's has never been mean to me.Even so, it sounds like he doesn't have much empathy/emotional intelligence and doesn't try to understand you and improve things. Some men can absolutely drive you up the wall being a "harmless" idiot, someone you constantly have to take care of because they can't be an adult, and while they're not malicious, they are still actively harming your mental health by not owning up to their behavior and becoming a better partner for you. Of course you'd get mad and frustrated. Just fucking leave him.
For the record, him being younger/having less experience isn't the issue here. Because I guarantee you men your age and older are just as fucking incompetent and retarded. Next time find a guy who has empathy and high emotional intelligence. Especially if you have autism you can't afford to be with a guy who can't get it together.
No. 370384
>>369241>Mostly, I get hurt, he doesn't react besides stuttering "sorry", I get mad, he says it makes no sense that I'm mad, I explain it over and over again until the conversation becomes me verbally abusing him.>it's just me sperging over minute things like something not getting done on time or "the correct way"Damn is this my relationship right now.
>>369610>Some men can absolutely drive you up the wall being a "harmless" idiot, someone you constantly have to take care of because they can't be an adultAbsolutely. I'm in a relationship with a very nice guy, but he's an idiot and there's been multiple occasions where I call him stupid and dumbass because he is so dense. He doesn't watch porn (he's very autistic about health and is convinced it's harmful to the brain/body), he's very caring, he spoils me with lots of gifts, he's not misogynistic, and he likes to cook and clean for me. For a guy, he's pretty good. However, I'm 25 and despite him being almost 33 (I know it's a big age gap, but when I met him he was hot so I made an exception), he is an idiot with seemingly no life experience and I feel that I am constantly having to check up on him and tell him what to do, because he can't be a solo-functioning adult. I have no trust in him doing adult responsibilities like taxes, insurance, making big purchases, etc. Me and my ex were the same age and despite him being a pornsick degenerate, at least he wasn't fucking stupid and I did not verbally abuse him like I am with my current boyfriend.
I'll be moving into an apartment with him soon (The lease is already signed for 6 months and I can't back out. This is also the classic "girl from
abusive dysfunctional home with no other options runs off with guy" situation.) and dear lord. I don't know what to do. I know I have a good thing going on with him because he is genuinely nice and caring, but his stupidity and naivety is driving me up the wall. I stay because I figure this is the trade-off to being with someone not pornsick or
abusive. Why do so many men have to be pieces of shit? I feel like dumping him would slightly help my sanity, but I probably won't find a decent man again.
No. 370396
>>370390This is good advice. I've thought before that maybe I should be more hands-off so that he learns a lesson. It's just hard for me to let go of control, I suppose.
He moved in before me (I'm still tying up loose ends at home), so he's been helping set up. There was an incident recently where he literally couldn't decipher directions on how to assemble a computer desk and insisted parts were "missing". I looked at the directions and I had to show him how to read it, parts weren't missing. Even I knew what to do and I've never built anything before. He got the hang of it after that I guess and has been assembling the rest of the furniture solo. He recently took some pictures of how things are going, and I noticed a lot of unnecessary clutter on the bathroom counter. I explained to him that there's organisers you can purchase and ways to put things away more efficiently. He said "Oh my family never did that before". It's lots of little dumb things like that, but it adds up. I feel like I'm teaching him a lot in some ways and it's weird because he's technically the older one.
>If he turns out to be a slob then please leave once the lease it up, there’s no fixing that.I will, thanks nona. I'll see how it goes. I'm getting a better paying job soon so I should be able to financially support myself by then and not have to rely on living with someone else.
>>370392>Is he content being a retard?I've discussed my feelings with him before. I've told him that I feel like I'm with a child and that I don't always trust him to be responsible. He says he hates when I call him dumb, but I told him to stop acting dumb if he doesn't like me using that as a descriptor for his words/actions. He said he would try "being smarter" so that I don't think he's an idiot. So far, I haven't seen much improvement. I genuinely wonder at this point if he has some kind of mental disability. I suggested maybe he has autism or ADHD (some of his family does), he got really offended.
No. 370409
>>370396Don’t ever think of it like teaching him a lesson, that’s a
huuuuge trap that gets you emotionally invested in training/babying him and fooling yourself you can change him. You’re not his mommy. He can do it by himself or he can’t, it’s not your job.
No. 370450
Caught my BF watching porn. Feeling practically suicidal about it, the betrayal/cheating aspect, the fact that I’m incredibly vocal about being anti-porn and constantly talk about the harms of it and the fact that I truly believe in my heart of hearts that porn is rape on camera, the LYING…now I don’t know how I can trust that he’s not going to strip clubs, buying OF subs, messaging other women, watching live streams, or god forbid watching BDSM/“taboo” stuff ugh. I feel like I know his character well enough to say he wouldn’t, but I feel so duped that I’m questioning everything. I feel sick. Literally a worst case scenario for me. I’m super naive too and even defended him once when someone said all men watch porn. Like I truly believed he didn’t. How do I trust him again? The lying is almost the worst to me, but the fact that he could be getting off to a woman’s abuse is so unthinkable to me.
I guess the lesson is if you think your male partner isn’t watching porn, check his phone/computer/try to catch him in the act. I don’t know.
No. 370456
>>370450>I’m incredibly vocal about being anti-porn and constantly talk about the harms of itHe knew this about you, and yet still watched porn behind your back. He didn’t feel any guilt at all or think about how this could affect you.
>How do I trust him again?You can’t, not really. He hid this side from you for so long and felt nothing. He could lie about anything else and not any remorse. There’s no going back from lying like this. It really shows his character and moral judgement. Sorry about your situation
nonnie. At least you found this out now rather than later.
No. 370465
>>370450>I even defended him when someone said all men watch porn. Like I truly believed he didn’tI'm not going to shit on you because it's clear that literally every woman on earth will do this until it happens to them, but the fact that women will sooner believe that they have caught the 1 in a 100million unicorn nigel that doesn't watch porn and has empathy for women and will throw huge tantrums and denial meltdowns when other women tell them the truth makes me believe there is no hope for women. Women will never believe fellow women no matter how much evidence we have behind us, and will always believe the moids in their life instead. Even here on LC, where the population is already significantly more aware of moid nature compared to the general populace. Anyone telling the truth is a bitter
femcel loser who is just jealous of your nigel, etc. Not saying this was you specifically, but I have seen it time and time again on here. I give up.
>How do I trust him again? Are you seriously asking this? Fool you once, shame on him (I guess), fool you twice, shame on you. Learn after the first time that he values shooting semen out of his penis more than the wellbeing of women and the trust of his gf.
>I guess the lesson is if you think your male partner isn’t watching porn, check his phone/computer/try to catch him in the act.I mean, sure, but then what? You catch him, and then what? You gallop onto the next nigel and do the same thing? You try to reform him (kek). Makes no sense to me. You and every other woman needs to accept that partnering with a male will always mean partnering with someone who watches rape on tape and learning to be okay with it, or remaining single.
There is no secret 3rd option. So you either stick with your morals, or abandon them for personal happiness. No. 370475
>>370465>You and every other woman needs to accept that partnering with a male will always mean partnering with someone who watches rape on tape and learning to be okay with it, or remaining single. There is no secret 3rd option. So you either stick with your morals, or abandon them for personal happiness.It's true.
When are we gonna join a convent? Imagine a Sister Act scenario with lolcow users. I'd unironically be overjoyed if I could do this and never think about modern males ever again
No. 370501
>>370487>I've told him before I don't like seeing him like these things but he can't seem to stop.If he really loved you, he would stop. FYI, it's not that he can't stop, it's that he won't stop. He's a loser.
>He also used to be porn obsessedHim liking thirst-traps and following girls on social media is also coomer behavior. It's basically softporn.
>What I should do about this nonas?You either put up with a scrote that is thirsting over and objectifying other women, or you dump him. I highly recommend the latter.
I also suggest taking a look at the "Finding porn-free men" in /g/. It'll give you a little more insight on the scrotes that pathetically follow women on social media.
No. 370507
>>370475God, I don't know how you nonnies put up with that shit. Don't you feel any visceral disgust over your partner acting like a literal pig? I swear, if I had a partner who liked shit like that shamelessly I would be out the door.
>I wonder how he even is attracted to meBecause most men are opportunistic. They'll settle for you even if you don't match their porn category ideal of a woman but continue to lust over their ideal type in secret.
No. 370519
>>370465>personal happiness by staying with a porn addict.But the question is can you really be happy in a relationship with someone who masturbates to the rape and torture of people who look like you?
Like imagine if a tragedy happened to you and you came to him crying for comfort and his first reaction is to have a boner because he has been trained to find your tears and pain arousing.
How can you rely on someone like that?
No. 370597
This current relationship I'm in is exciting. Previously, my exes rarely ever went all out on putting effort into setting up a romantic weekend. I have made this mistake of previously allowing my exes to live with me after a few months and they ended up freeloading on me.
This guy I'm with now is all about romantic nights and seeing sights and checking in on me, never had this good treatment before so it kind of scares me because it's new. We've been dating barely 2 months, but we have already had discussions about long term intentions.
The main thing we both value is saving money, which also leads to us often worrying over cost of living and inflation. Despite that, I make $30 an hour and he makes an equivalent to $20 an hour. Often times I'll find myself preferring we not go do anything expensive because to me it sounds like he's low on funds because more than half the time we're out, he insists I not pitch in or split the costs.
One of his issues he told me about in past relationships was his exes felt it was his responsibility to pay for all expenses and he be the one to make the drive out to them. With us both having a similar experience in mind, I just want it to be fair. I tend to get frustrated when he gives me pushback for trying to pitch in. I recently cried because I'm glad he's generous, but also because it feels contradictory to him wanting a partner to help. I asked him if I'm doing anything wrong paying for my half of expenses, usually I'll zelle him half the check, and he responded "I don't want you to pay if you feel obligated to." Which my response is "No, I do want to pay. I want things to be fair." Previously, he's told me women usually want the man to provide all financial expenses when going out, but I told him it would be irresponsible for him to do that if doing so makes him go broke. He says he wants to still be able to pay for expenses so I don't have to worry, and I responded back saying if he wanted it to have meaning, he'd reserve paying for my expenses for more special times. I make my own money so I'm not struggling, I don't have any debts either. You see the weird power struggle?
The other day he booked a hotel for us to celebrate New Year's and he wanted to get dinner for us. We thought about getting dinner from the hotel itself, but seeing the pricing being so high, on top of his reaction to the high prices, I suggested we get food elsewhere. I offered to get breakfast room service for both of us and he also reacted to the high prices, so I got confused thinking what would be a good decision that wouldn't break the bank. Once we got back to our hotel room he asks me, "Are you sure you don't want to get breakfast here? I thought it would be fun and romantic if we did. I originally wanted to pay." I started crying because seeing his reaction to the prices got me stressing about money in general.
A few hours prior to arriving to the hotel, we were both discussing about how much we could potentially save up in a year so the thoughts about that came back. I have two big financial savings goals in mind that I want to achive withing two years, getting married and starting a family, and I'm just thinking about how this will be possible for me to do and what would help out a lot is if he does his part in saving, too. Just thinking about all that and the money he spends on me stresses me out, because only previously, the experience I've had with my last exes, they didn't know how to be responsible with their money. I do tend to forget he's extremely responsible in that aspect, he has a couple thousand in saving already, and he does not pay for an Internet bill, he also doesn't drink or smoke or is a gamer so he has nothing really he could mindlessly spend dollars on.
I spilled out all these thoughts and worries to him. He asked me if he was someone I wanted to be with or someone who I wanted to get me pregnant so I could have a family. The reality is I want him to be both, but thinking about it more, I want to be with him, because I could get pregnant with anyone if I could, but they could not treat me as well like he has been treating me so far. Most other men I've been on dates with and have been in relationships are very selfish and don't want to initiate conversations like the man I'm with now, so he's more than just a sperm donor. I'm in my early 30s so this is something I've been thinking about a lot for the past few years, and it doesn't help the fact I'm working amongst elementary school students and his friends have children of their own that I have met.
I also told him about how his push back on me paying frustrated me and he knows it's something he needs to work on and stop assuming and allow me to be independent too. I mentioned how his reactions also make me reconsider choices for both of us, but he says it's neither of our faults prices are high, but it's just reality things are now expensive, but that won't stop him from buying because the latter would be him being at home playing video games (which he won't do lol). Both of us know we have to work extra hard because we both do not have familial bonds that would help allow us to start a family as quickly as most other people we do know, so money is a huge worry for us and if we were to keep this long term, we'd have to be very financially stable.
I could find a rich man, but would he be as near as financially responsible like the man I'm with now? I doubt it. I have dated a couple local guys who had strong family bonds, who were interested in me, but they also drank, played video games, watched porn, didn't have a full time (or well paying) job, or didn't have a car so it's like something crippled them from being able to be well off individually.
I guess this is mostly venting, but am I reasonable to cry when worrying over things like this? Is there something he's doing that I'm not realizing? Like I'd rather have these kinds of talks early on, and it sucks they're difficult, but I'd rather get them out of the way than compared to other relationships where the talks happen months or years down the line or not at all.
No. 370607
is it worth it to still talk to a guy who’s emotionally unreadable? i’ve been talking to a guy who i’ve known of for a while recently, and we hit it off pretty well in the span of only just a few months. FYI, he’s a year younger than me. there’s been a lot of rumours about him that have had me worried and definitely got me thinking if it’s even worth still talking to him (for example, that he has multiple gfs rn and that he manipulates and blackmails girls that he talks to). he did debunk them though, and to some extent i believe him but at the same time i’m so scared of actually trusting him. he seems to be in love with me, he definitely shows it but he still talks to girls that he was in a “talking stage” with and whenever i find myself telling him that i love him, it looms over my head. this was probably really badly written, i apologise in advance but i don’t really know how to feel. at the same time, it feels like this is mostly a maturity difference but i genuinely do love him. in the small city that we both live in its extremely hard to find someone with the same interests and he’s just too perfect in my eyes for me to just let him go. but then again, maybe it just isn’t worth it. i don’t know what else to add, but i definitely will if i can.
No. 370972
>>370969What was the movie? I’m so curious.
This was just a vent right, or do you want advice? What a cute dumb fight you had lol. You should be more secure in yourself. He would have had some trouble peeing if he was hard, and it’s easy for some guys to get hard (does it usually take him a long time? Some guys it’s like three seconds, he could have been hard from getting into bed with you or because you were looking at him in the bathroom and he thought you were in the mood.) I can’t believe I’m basically taking his side in this thread of all threads but maybe he was looking at his phone because it was a horny movie and he knows you’re insecure? But I guess he fucked up then because he still watched part of it.
No. 370989
File: 1704382716953.gif (2.16 MB, 329x498, tenor (2).gif)
>>370969This is really funny. It sounds like you were baiting him into getting a boner. Why did you peep on him peeing? kek
>>370983Read closely, she told him she thought he got a boner from the movie
>I didn't wanna tell him what I was thinking>but eventually I told himI hate to defend moids but this whole situation is just stupid.
No. 370991
>>370982>Men would get jealous too, if their girlfriend/wife saw a hot naked man on screen and had an obvious physiological reactionThis almost happened to me the other day. Or idk because I don't think my nigel is that insecure, but I talked him into watching Rush (2013) and himbo Chris Hemsworth is my guilty pleasure. I could hardly contain myself during some scenes, so I made sure to hug and kiss bf a bit extra just in case my excitement was tangible. 2013 era Chris Hemsworth’s naked ass tho. His smile. Terrific. Sadly there are not enough movies that
trigger such a response from me.
No. 371020
>>370983He's probably correct, because most men in fact, cannot do anything right. That's why they need to try extra hard to make up for their mental deficiencies.
>>370991You're much kinder than I would be, I would lean into it fully. But I love it when men get jealous (the harmless cute pouty kind of jealous, not the mean-spirited misogynistic type, obviously)
No. 371180
>>371145>he's still in a huff with me and I've tried being friendly with him, but I'm pissed off with him still So he was rude by waking you up and brushing off your frustration, and has not apologized, but you're the one who's playing nice?
>the fact he thinks he has any good reason to be upset with me is fucking retardedYou are completely correct.
>Do men learn nonnas? Is there a chance he will actually apologise or should I start curating an exit plan soon?Only you know his behavior and character here. Is his refusal to understand you and disrespect a regular occurence? How long has he been doing this, only this week or before this?
No. 371682
I have a question about my sexual relationship with my nigel, and it will seem really bad at first but just hear me out in regards to the context.
He was a virgin when we met (I was not), he didn't want to have sex until he was sure he wanted to marry the woman he was with. Not religious, just something he had decided for himself. We didn't have sex for awhile into our relationship until we got a lot more serious. He also doesn't watch porn, he tried it once as a teen and didn't like it so he's never watched it since. He's totally off social media, no Reddit, no Tiktok, no Instagram, nothing.
He's also very good to me, we've been together for years and he treats me like an angel. He's very attentive to me, always puts my needs above his, goes above and beyond to take care of me. He renovates the house however I want it, he built me a huge garden space so I can garden while he makes plans to build the greenhouse I wanted, when I got covid and it was really bad he took a week off work so he could take care of me and be home with me. He's amazing in every single way a man can be. Now, the sexual bit,
Through our sexual experimentation he has discovered he really enjoys rough sex and CNC. He didn't learn any of this through porn, just our own experiences. He likes slapping me, lightly choking, he likes when I fake cry, really rough penetration, objectifying me, etc. I enjoy all of these things even though I shouldn't because of some sexual trauma in my past, though I've never felt comfortable exploring them with past partners so this is all a first to me. I know these kinks are typically huge red flags for a bunch of different reasons, but are they still with all of the previous context I provided?
No. 371684
>>371682Once I had a fling with someone who was very sweet, kind, respectful, wouldn't have sex with me if I was sick with so much as a common cold or if I'd been in a bad mood earlier in the day. He was into more rough sex like spanking, hair pulling, pinning me down and overpowering me, initiating sex while I was sleeping, etc. Basically treating me the exact opposite in bed as he did normally. Rough sex was something I'd always been curious about but had never tried because I thought the kind of dudes that get off on hitting women must be misogynists, but he was so sweet and honestly perfect that I was willing to put my fears aside and try it.
Anyway, eventually I found out he was texting a fresh 18yo who was obviously mentally disturbed and not just that, but he seemed turned on by the fact she claimed to be a CSA
victim. And not just that, but he also wanted to poop on women.
It's not the exact same situation because the guy I was with wasn't a virgin and watched porn, but he did turn out to be a freak despite seeming perfect in every way apart from his strange sexual tastes. So now I assume any man that's very into BDSM is automatically a pig regardless of how good they otherwise seem.
No. 371690
>>371682Um, yes.
He is also likely lying to you about most of the first part.
>Inb4 I'm just an ugly hag just jealous of your porn-free social-media-free rape-loving nigel. No. 371691
>>371684Partly
valid, but I do think the no porn thing is a big reason of why I trust him more with his kinks. Porn brain rot will make me avoid any moid like the plague, and he truly just had to try different things with me to figure out what he even liked. He didn't even like the idea of blowjobs at first and was hesitant to try it, he liked the idea of handjobs and ended up not liking those at all. All things considered it feels harsh of me to judge him for what he likes sexually since it's not like he's conditioned himself through porn to be this way, it's just how he is
>>371690Don't think you're jealous and I understand why you would think he's lying, but that I'm sure of. We both work from home aside from an in person meeting he has to go to here and there for a few hours, his phone is work related and can't be used for porn, and his computer stays in our bedroom. Plus it would be weird to lie about his virginity since I wasn't a virgin and didn't really care either way
No. 371695
>>371691>>371682Naturally enjoying rape play after experimenting with you is not really any better than developing a rape fetish from porn. It's still a massive red flag in spite of the context you provided.
>I enjoy all of these things even though I shouldn't because of some sexual trauma in my pastThat's also a red flag but a different kind of red flag. You haven't resolved your past. If you ever do heal from that (and hopefully you will) the rape play will likely lose its appeal. What would he do if you said you didn't want to do it anymore?
No. 371704
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I'm so fucked dude I just know I'm gonna get ghosted again for being too anxious. I mean in my defense my bf is on deployment abd the time zones are way different but he doesn't fucking tell me goodnight anymore and it freaks me out I get so scared that he's tired of me or just not ok… we had so much fun when he was here irl and I can do long distance but like I have crippling anxiety and my self esteem has always been in the toilet so idk how to gas myself up cause by FAR he's the best thing thsa's ever hsppened to me. FUCK
No. 371721
>>371682Yeah, I'd say yes it's still a red flag. I get where you're coming from if you consent to it, but from having known multiple men like this, I wouldn't let him go any further, whether I liked the idea at the time or not. I can only offer anecdotes, I don't have any specific trauma causing an interest in some kinks, but choking/CNC/enjoying fake crying just scream rape fantasy. CNC is my "get the fuck out of there" flag. In my experience, they will never just stop at shit like choking and spanking. It always escalates into accidentally injuring someone or it creeps into discussions beyond sex, or garbage like if you don't want to do it, they'll throw a tantrum and be genuinely
abusive. Lots of "good" guys who hold off on sex like that usually ALREADY wanted to try rape play, but waited until they fully had someone else's trust because - surprise - it causes most to fucking run if they bring it up. There's a difference between being assertive and dominant during sex and enjoying pretending to actually violate someone.
I didn't cooperate with an ex's ever-escalating shit in a similar context and he basically stopped initiating sex, then went mask-off as a controlling piece of shit. Spared me the headache of keeping some secret degen around who had the exact same view on only wanting to have sex if we're "serious". Always total bullshit, it's a trust-building exercise. I wouldn't entertain it if I was you.
No. 371781
>>371682God, it would be such a betrayal if I found out the man I loved was into this shit.
>but are they still with all of the previous context I provided?Yes. He is broken. You can't say he's a perfect angel, but then that he enjoys and gets turned on by pretending to rape you, beat you, and choke you in the bedroom. If you had a daughter and she told this to you, how would you feel?
No. 371821
>>371145Late reply but my father is exactly like this and did it to my mother for years despite near daily arguments about it and the cumulative sleep deprivation gave her neurological symptoms. I think it indicates something deeply wrong with the moid to be this emotionally retarded and selfish, so I vote for you formulating an exit plan. If he's this self-centered about something as obvious as not waking your sleeping partner, what else is he going to pull on you? If you aren't going to leave, you should put your foot down and insist on sleeping separately if he wants to play his PS5 so badly. He probably will not change this behavior, and you will probably notice other behaviors that are just extensions of him not caring about you or your wellbeing as much as his dopamine spikes.
>>371682Yeah it's a red flag. Him randomly discovering this shit without porn is almost worse. Every single man I've heard of who treats his gf amazingly except for when they're having sex had extreme repressed hatred for her and women in general.
No. 371824
>>371682You said that since he’s a virgin, you wanted to experiment with him sexually. Were you the one that suggested he slap you? Or did he bring it up himself? Did you get the idea of fake crying, or was it him that wanted you to do it?
You have sexual trauma, so I can understand if you were drawn to and wanted to try certain “kinks”. Same thing happened to me when I was a teenager, I thought I liked it “rough” and would ask for these things, but that was because I didn’t know better and had past trauma. Like another anon said, it gets old after a while and is no longer novel when you’ve healed more. A lesson you should know is to not let moids cross that line, because once they think you’re okay with being hit, choked, and abused during sex, they’ll just ask for more.
If it was him that brought up that he wanted to try slapping you and everything else, then he’s not as innocent as he seems. You insist he doesn’t watch porn. However, there are many acts of violence against women in movies and TV shows. Ever thought that he watches those scenes and gets turned on by them? He learned somewhere and it doesn’t necessarily have to be porn.
No. 371881
>>371835Nah what really does it for me is objectification, CNC is fucked up but sex is at least meant to be an activity between humans.
Whatever floats your boat
nonnie but if it's not your thing I'm really not sure how you tolerate all this, giving me the heebiejeebies man
No. 372187
>>371682I have one question: how long have you been in this relationship?
Also, you need to test his actual ability to respect boundaries. You are playing along for the reasons you cited and because we're all expected to not be 'frigid', but how would he react if you told him you don't want CNC/rough sex for say, the next 5 months? If he makes a fuss or worse, tries to break your resolve you'll know what he's capable of.
No. 372754
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My bf gets annoyed at me when I asked him the most basic questions, when I ask him how he’s doing or if he slept well during the night. Today when he made dinner for himself I just asked what he made and got into a pissy mood about it. Told him I didn’t appreciate this type of behaviour when all I’m doing is taking basic interest in him, told him I’ll just stop all together since it’s such a big issue to him. Currently avoiding him. Idk what this means, I don’t ask him these questions 100 times a day so it’s not like it’s overkill on my end. Did I do anything wrong? Scared that it’s the beginning of the end but if he’s going to overreact over the smallest things i don’t want to deal with it in the long run.
No. 372864
>>372754At the end of my last relationship I started getting needlessly annoyed by the most innocent things my bf would ask or say. In my case I think I had a lot of built-up resentment from times when I felt like he didn't listen, but I wasn't mature enough to handle it in a more constructive way. It became automatic behavior for me after a while, I was really
toxic when I was with him. It could be the case with your bf, either way he's being rude and immature.
>>372773As long as she doesn't have a history of being overly controlling, I think it's normal to make mundane small-talk about stuff like that with a partner or even friend
No. 372978
>>372957>>372970>>372959I also laughed when he asked because I thought it must be a joke but then it turned out he was serious. He said he wasn’t asking he was telling me to… I started the argument while he was in the middle of number 2.
He turned around and said he didn’t mean it as an insult after I told him no I wouldn’t. He’s not disabled. I don’t see how he could mean it any other way. He said he would wipe my ass too if I asked. I feel he just said that when he realized how disgusting what he said was to soften the blow.
No. 373052
>>372773>>373013Yeah agree, asking your bf about his day is super normal.
>Men dont like being mothered by their girlfriends.This isn't even true anyway kek
Anyway I'm glad you sat him down and he reacted postively, I hope he'll stick with it!
No. 373088
I don't even know how to talk to my husband. Before we had a kid we fought maybe once a month, and he was always kind and empathetic. After though he's totally changed, and he's unreasonable about the sleep. He's on paternity leave now, and I've been sneaking in naps when I can and then taking care of the baby all night while he sleeps. I sleep maybe 3 hours a night. We had a fight about how little I sleep compared to him, I proposed when he goes back I will take care of the baby when he works, then after work he can watch the baby so I can sleep, then I watch the baby all night so he can sleep. He said "what, do I'm just going to work, then care for the baby, then sleep everyday? OK so I'll just never have time to relax again I guess". I asked him to provide a schedule when I can sleep and then he just went silent, and said he doesn't understand why I'm not sleeping enough during the day. I TAKE CARE OF THE BABY ALL DAY! but we just argue in circles and at the end of the day he just wants me to sacrifice myself so he can have a good night sleep and freetime, ridiculous
No. 373116
>>373088Yes, pretty much all men that I have met will do this. My dad did this, my cousins' husbands did this, my friends' husbands did this. They are smart enough to pretend that they will shoulder the work of parenting equally to get you to have their child, at which point their goal is accomplished and they do fuck all. I keep telling women about this phenomenon and it's always "not my nigel!" and then guess what happens. I think women completely and utterly underestimate how much of their moid's "personality and values" is just a script they use on their gfs and wives to get what they want. Women can't imagine this is possible because we are normal full human beings and do not act like this.
I wish I had a solution for you, anon, but there really isn't much you can do at this point. I'm sorry.
No. 373190
>>372954I agree with
>>373189Sorry I was so distracted by the absurdity I forgot to say BREAK UP.
No. 373253
File: 1705179938612.gif (772.63 KB, 498x268, TARG_6_burn_them_all.gif)
>>373088>>373112>>373116I agree with all of the other anons. Your so called "husband" is a completely useless monkey. Marriage is a partnership and he isn't pulling his weight at all. Set him an ultimatum and if that doesn't work divorce him and get a nanny instead so you can sleep in the evening. Really think about if you want to continue to live that way because if he behaves like that at the baby stage expect worse situations when the child grows up and starts having tantrums. If he wants to be a parent he should better start behaving like one. Burn all useless husbands tbh
No. 373257
File: 1705180616904.gif (158.22 KB, 183x200, angry-cat.gif)
>>373088I can't really help because I have no experience here but the fact that you take care of the baby all day but he is the one who sleeps at night when the baby cries (??) AND he's on paternity leave (!!!) is making me blind with rage. I honestly think you should take the baby and leave him if he's going to be so useless, arguing is not the answer here. Alternatively you could find an excuse to go somewhere for a few days and leave the baby with him while he's still on paternity leave so he can learn, if you have any trust in him left.
No. 373479
File: 1705260791032.jpeg (Spoiler Image,279.5 KB, 1080x1350, g24i93q4z3ac1.jpeg)
Honestly I'm still in shock mode.
Idc if ex finds out my text smh, he's not a threat to me anymore and this was LDR.
It all started half a year ago after knowing each other for over a year from same dc server, this moid is 29 (I'm 24.) He acts often very rapey and apparently had this shitty sense of humor going on ever since he became a mod of this specific discord server years ago (that should have been the first red flag, a dc mod and rape jokes.) So one time I felt like going along with that stupid cringe shit by confessing my crush and that I did get a rageboner from his sexually harassing messages, but I also did find the intellectual bonding with him. I did not see any chances this will work out, but I was wrong. I underestimated my attractiveness for this retard. I gave blind eye to his dc mod behaviour bc he used to give all of that sweet attention to me.
We used to chat and call daily each other, play games together, he did compliment me as goddess, princess queen etc everything was nice minus the fact my brain rewired from past abuse missing out all of these red flags because of how kind and caring he was towards me. His fetishes are utterly sexpest scrote type of shit, like skullfuck, big breasts, CNC, deepthroat without gag reflex etc. and my stupid pea brain translated this misogynistic coomer shit as safe partner to waste my freetime with, he told me his exes were the lunatics and he had sex only with one woman before me, also he was interested in my body count and I told him that most of my past sexual intercourses were rape as they were. We planned on meeting in his country, then war broke out over there and I guess I did dodge the bullet for not meeting face to face with potential homicidal maniac. Apparently war traumatized him (but fun fact he's not fighting in the field or anything, he's got a disability card for autism which means he was released from duty) but ffs that didn't stop him from e-raping on dc server like usual and giving much less attention to me (I left out of server earlier feeling overwhelmed from brainrot.) Another red flag is that he's into dictators (Middle-East conflicts is one of shared interests)
So at some point I had enough of being avoided, sent him sc of his nasty behaviour on server with my alt acc, went full speed goblin mode with profanity "fuck you you're the worst I'm done with you wannabe sex cult leader spawn of satan" But fortunately it's over and I'm glad I got through this shit larpy LDR alive. Still I can't help but cry my eyeballs out for this son of a devil and I feel alone after leaving those circles and him, like all of my energy has been drained out and I was used as an object how come I was this stupid? He definitely would have wanted me to convert to religion and move to his country anyway.
No. 373484
Theres this couple I knew, they broke up and the guy almost immediately started showing interest in me. I don't know when they broke up exactly, 4 months ago I think they were still together, I found out about the break up only last week. And he's been acting more interested in me for like 2 weeks. Before that he acted strange, like he almost never looked at me when he talked to me. I could never tell if he didn't like me or if he was in fact hidding some attraction towards me. I interacted with him only at work and also during two trips that 4 different coworkers were also invited for. We never discussed topics other than work and hobbies and general "life stuff" but never anything personal, and I often acted cold because I'm an autist and I never know how to behave around men, I always feel weird, I never dated men, I never befriended men etc. What I'm trying to say is that I never acted in an "inviting" way I think. But now I feel guilty because I'm afraid that he might grow apart from his gf because of me. Because now it all makes sense, before their break up was official he wasn't even able to look at me and barely talked to me even though he was super outgoing with every other person, and now he often starts conversations, asks me questions he never asked before, smiles when I respond to him, looks me in the eyes and acts a little flustered etc. I know that's technically not cheating but if you have a crush on someone else it may affect the quality of your relationship and it could make him subconsciously (or not) trying to distance himself from his gf. I feel like before he was trying to hide it and now that he got an official greenlight he openly shows interest/attraction towards me. That's how I feel it is and it makes me feel like shit. A year ago I had a short period crush on him, and I was purposefully avoiding him because of that, and then I got totally over it. I don't know what to do now, I don't want to be mean when he behaves like that around me. I feel like it's my fault and it makes me feel guilty for even talking to him. At the same time some old attraction to him appeared in the back of my head again. I read that people behave differently after break ups, some want to be alone, others immediately look for another pussy/dick because they don't want to feel lonely. But still it feels to me kinda trashy to show interest in another girl right after official break up. I wanted to know more about him, but that behavior is just weird to me. Do you think it's ok to interact with him and know him better (I'm not taking about official dating, just hanging out) and then judge him, or should I distance from him right now? Do you think it's likely their break up was my fault?
No. 374174
>>373088Why is
he on paternity leave if he's not taking care of the baby?
No. 374214
>>374213He says it reminds him of the spider fro Charlotte's Web.
He says he will call her Shitlit
He thinks its too old but loves the boy name I want (Theodore)
No. 374806
File: 1705833190407.jpg (251.3 KB, 1080x1250, Science.jpg)
>>374805You reminded me of this study. Men lack the ability to be caregivers. They have different priorities, as evidenced by your boyfriend. Do you believe this is normal? What will you do when this man is your husband and can't maintain his wedding vows of having and holding you in "sickness and in health"? I hope you can find someone better.
No. 374808
>>374805It's "normal" for men in the sense that statistically men leave their ill wives more frequently than vice versa.
It doesn't really matter if it's a "normal" reaction though, it's not even really about him. All that matters is how you feel about a man who wants marriage without the "in sickness and in health" part essentially. What do you think this shows you about his love for/commitment to you? What's the value of your potential marriage knowing this? I mean these as genuine questions to think about, not sarcastically. Personally I think I'd feel like an accessory to be married for convenience only in your shoes.
You're in a tough situation, I hope you can come to a decision that feels right and become healthy again!
No. 374810
>>374805i guess it's 'normal' to expect sex in general, but this looks like he's expecting a certain level of sexual service from you if he has to commit. i guess it's up to you to decide if you're fine with that implication. maybe tell him that most marriages/relationships become sexless after years and it's fine? this would have happened even if you didn't suffer from chronic illness. if he truly cares, he will vocally accept this simple fact when you bring it up.
also, taking back a proposal is bizarre and hurtful, i wonder how he justified that. i hope you get better soon nonna
No. 374818
>>374810>I wonder how he justified thatBy saying he has crushing depression because we don't have sex. I don't care tho, I have suicidal thoughts from being in pain so his stupid depression means nothing to me.
Thanks for the advice nonnies I know what you're all saying is true. We're going long distance due to our jobs so this might just end the relationship for us anyway.
No. 374827
>>374822I get this but my worries are the long term implications of this way of thinking. Say I get better and we get married. What if I get sick again? What if I get a different illness? What if I have a baby and can't have sex for months?
Will he decide to divorce me if sex is not constantly available? I don't think I can trust him.
No. 374885
>>374827Ayrt
>I don't think I can trust himI totally get that, but he actually told you exactly how he feels about it. While I do think once you are talking marriage that means you should be willing to stick it out through the bad times, from your previous post it sounded like there is a chance your situation will never get better and to him signing off sex forever is a dealbreaker. I think there could have been a better way for him to bring up his concerns before talking about postponing the wedding, but now the truth is out. Now you feel like there's a threat looming over you, that if you don't have sex often enough he'll leave you and his love is conditional, which in a way is true. Your concerns are understandable, but imo so are his. Again I'm really sorry about your situation, I agree it would be hard to come back from something like that.
No. 374895
File: 1705863126928.jpg (11.54 KB, 312x296, dfa.jpg)
Well I ended up telling him we should break up. We're both very sad and don't wanna let go so we made it a break for now, but I think it'll naturally turn into a breakup since he's moving to another country tomorrow. In the end he just doesn't seem to understand why I can't trust him anymore. He also admitted he would leave me if I couldn't have kids, which I already knew to be honest but it still makes me very sad. All I could think about was that scene from the UP movie where the two characters grow old together despite not being able to have kids or fulfill all their dreams. I get that these are his dealbreakers but telling someone you want to marry them only to threaten to leave them if they don't fulfill all your needs seems a little cruel to me.
No. 374928
File: 1705871893361.png (520.75 KB, 538x499, Screenshot_3.png)
What can I do? My boyfriend (now ex, I think) has been lying to me since Christmas, saying that he was on a trip with his family away from the city and sending me pictures and all.2 days after that I opened my pc and I mistakenly opened his e-mail that he has logged in here. Results are that he was ordering food to his house (near me) at the time he told me in a really emphasized way that he was in a pool wearing the shorts I gave him. I confronted him afterwards and he told me that he never left the city and he were always with his cousin smoking weed and doing drugs, even in Christmas. I got very angry and sad because I did offer him to come with me to Christmas dinner, and he lied. He then came to my house because I wanted a bag that I borrowed him to "his trip". Inside the bag were all my presents I gave him with the clothing label in it, and when I opened the bag and gagged for this he said that "He didn't knew". A week later I forgave him because I knew that his cousin is a drug addict that has never talked to my boyfriend before this 2 months because he had a life and then he fucked it all up with everyone, and my boyfriend were there for him, because he can't say "no". He has been with him everyday, even coming in into the house when I was with him to convince him to smoke and to play games. Then, another lie, when I told him that I didn't want him near him and he still stuck around and acted like teenagers sneaking from the house so they can smoke weed. Then, another lie days after being the same shit. Now, he "apologized" (whenever we fight, he never reaches out to me even if he is the one doing all the problems, and I have always called him to see if he apologizes. He has never came to my house and sincerely apologize) and we went on a trip to my family's beach house, expecting that he would act nice and redeem himself and gain my love but he ended being so rude to everyone, including my 4 year old nephew. I know he is a moid but when he was nice, he was the most sweet person. Now, we argued again, because he said that we were going to be together this weekend and cancelled all the plans because he was "sick". I knew later, that he went to meet his cousin, and that they already had plans to go to smoke weed that days. I told him to wake the fuck up and tell me if he really loved me, and he literally went quiet, and when I pushed him he said "no because we have been fighting for months and you cry a lot". This shocked me because I've never had any arguments with him that were my fault, every argument was because he did fucked up things and now he is breaking up with me and not adressing things at all and ignoring me, where I did everything for him, when all his friend and family insulted him I was beside him and took him to a healthy life, until he started to meet up with his cousin, he saying that "it was the most fun thing that happened to him" and acting like a sixteen years old edgy boy that is depressed and loves weed. What should I do, nonnas? Should I seek revenge (I don't know how) or should I simply get away with the damage that this man has given me and getting nothing at all and cope with it?. I want to add that he got his mother involved, and she told me he is devastated and he needs to grow up and came to my house to look after him when we were fighting the other day and screamed loud as fuck outside my door and my neighbors got all concerned.
No. 374950
>>374948>Should I talk to him one last time telling him that I'm going to block? Or should I live with this knowing that he didn't care. Whether you ghost him silently or tell him you're going to block him and get in one last argument will not change the fact that he does not care.
>he hasn't even talked to me since we last fought, only his mom did and told me to fuck off with her son and that he hasn't done anything wrong. To be perfectly honest it sounds like he already broke up with you.
No. 375081
File: 1705942401834.jpg (75.1 KB, 828x590, 1694258132564.jpg)
We decided to go on a 'break' today (im 99.99% sure we will just break up) because we are just very incompatible in life.
I don't really know what to do. I don't even feel that sad. If anything I'm most sad that my only friends are his friends, so I'm basically also losing every single friend I have rn.
I really feel just so unlovable and like a huge loser. My life was finally okay for a bit, but i guess it was just a lie at the end of the day that I was telling myself. I kept lying to myself that we are compatible and it'll all work out.
Nonas how do you get over feeling just so unlovable. I don't think i'll ever find a happy relationship. I've only been in two and i'm so tired of it all already.
Sorry if my post is a mess im just kinda crying and eating ice cream rn.
No. 375083
>>375081Take the time to focus on yourself and let these feelings out. You shouldn't think of yourself as unlovable. You just haven't been able to connect with someone who
is compatible with you. I hope you can take care of yourself and connect with new friends in the time being. Best wishes, nona.
No. 375094
>>375083But when will that happen? It feels like i've been waiting all my life… I don't connect with anyone it feels like. Not even properly with his friends (even tho i consider them my friends) i always feel so out of place. Last time i felt like i had friends was in highschool like 5 years ago.
>>375088I'm too scared to reach out. Especially now. What will they think of me? I already feel like they don't like me much.
For ref i have avpd and friendships are my biggest struggle.
No. 375333
>>375332samefag but to add onto this: by 'not really feeling it' I mean that right before talking I was doing very well on working on myself and focused on uni etc and a guy was the last thing on my mind , especially having come out of a
abusive relationship a few months ago. I just don't really feel much about him if anything , except getting the occasional ick. but like.. idk he's done nothing wrong yet??? idk idk idk. plus I fearvthis mutual friend of ours dropping me if I duck it up one way or another. i know im gonna get torn to shreds being like 'just block him you fucking retard it's not that deep + if the friend drops u over a moid she aint worth it' like I KNOW but I just feel bad abt it
No. 375354
>>375332What does "he's cooked" mean? I don't speak twittertard.
Break it off with him now, you're not suddenly going to start being interested in him and it will only be harder for him the longer you drag it on. You can't force feelings.
No. 375721
>TLDR: he says majority of relationships fail because their homes are not happy homes, so the person looks elsewhere (outside the home) to be happy. This seems like an excuse for cheating to me. I leave as soon as he doesn’t deny that’s not what it is.
I broke up with my boyfriend less than ann hour ago or so after three day of arguments.
It started while we were showering one morning. He was telling me that his boss was telling him about an employee and my bf made a comment and then the boss made a play of words with it basically calling the employee a slut/bitch. They were talking in spanish.
I don’t know if I’m being sensitive because this is the same boss that fired me (my bf and I met at work), but I really found this not funny at all and really sexist. I tried prying more and find out she’s having the same performance issues that I was let go for.
So then this makes me look at my bf in a new light and wonder if they were having these types of conversations about me? And even if not, it’s really immature to make an assertion about someone’s character all because of a work issue. Maybe my bf just thought the bit was funny but not actually him calling her that, idk. But he doubled down instead and said everyone talks shit, and that he didn’t talk shit about me and no one did while I worked there.
So when I arrive to work that morning I’m asked last minute notice if I can cover someone. I need more hours so I say yeah. But my brain can’t stop thinking about this morning. I remember the person I’m covering for talked shit about another while they were in the hospital. And I was just done. I finish my crap and quit. The theme of the day was people talking behind others’ back and I felt overwhelmed.
He was really mad at me because he found me the job. I don’t blame him for that, but I was still upset that he was saying I would never find a job where people don’t. Plus the fact that it makes me question the type of person he is. I still want to make up and ask if he’s going to pick me up because I hate arguing over the phone. He sounds like he doesn’t want to and I end up staying at my mom’s house, tell him not to pick me up. Come to find out later that he did. So now he’s upset about that too.
The day I go to his house. We’re having a conversation about everything. He at one point says something like
>99.9% of marriages fail because their home is not a happy home, so they go elsewhere (outside the home)
He even brings up one of his employees as an example that asked if he could come in when he wasn’t scheduled because he said anywhere else was better than being with his wife at that moment. Then came in and told him he had an argument in the morning with his wife over something “”dumb””.. That just enraged me so much when he said it and I held back rolling my eyes, and I wanted to say something but he didn’t want me to interrupt him. I was going to wait till he finished but once he did I forgot. We talked some more and eventually we made up. I stayed the night.
But early morning I remembered what he said. To me it sounds like placing the blame on the woman right off the bat. For whatever he does. Especially sounds like a cheating excuse. I fall asleep again and bring it up when we’re both awake and ready for the day. I start gathering my stuff ready for whatever his answer is.
I tell him what he said and ask him what he meant by “go elsewhere”? He says he means they do whatever they want. I ask what would that be. And he says a bunch of stuff including going to strip clubs, the bar. Obviously I knew he meant this type of stuff, cheat, watch porn, talk to other women, etc etc. I ask so basically cheating? and suddenly he doesn’t want to “argue” this early in the morning. Before I asked that he was perfectly fine answering.
I task him so basically you’re excusing cheating. Why not break up like adults? He doesn’t say anything just keeps stonewalling me so I say I’m sorry but I’m breaking up he says something but I am just deafened and blinded with how angry I am. I leave asap and text him enjoy fucking whoever you want. No text from him. And I hope he doesn’t because while I think I made the right decision. I’m not so sure.
Am I blowing things out of proportion?
No. 375734
>>375730>When to bring up that I never want kidsAs soon as possible, it should have been a topic during the first serious date.
>Is it really mega super selfish to ride it out for a bit until shit gets serious?Yes, it already sounds serious enough since you said that it was the "best thing that happened to you".
No. 375753
I'm pregnant with my first child, its too early to tell what gender yet. It will be the first grandchild of my side of the family (I'm an only child).
I was discussing with my mother over the phone the names that we are going to use and when I told her my top boy pick she gawked and said "OH NO really? Noooo, you can't name him that, thats awful" and carried on for a few more sentences.
I kind if sat there in silence at her reaction, it really hurt my feelings.
I ended up saying its unfortunate that she doesnt like it because I doubt I will find a boy name that I love more, she will have to deal with it. Obviously I may have a girl which would push the issue back more.
How do I get over her rude reaction?
My husbands mother was way more supportive and it has really upset me that I feel more connected with her compared to my own mother, though I'm sure some of it is pregnancy hormones'.
The name is Theodore btw.
I think its great, Little Teddy when hes a baby, Theo/Ted as a child/teen, Theodore in a professional setting, Ted when hes an old man with a mustache mowing his lawn drinking a beer.
No. 375761
File: 1706291785504.jpg (10.81 KB, 263x191, 9k=(13).jpg)
>>375753I can't be the only one thinking your mom said that because of the association with chipmunks, right?
No. 375925
>>375913sunken cost fallacy? co-dependency? he actually likes/loves you and wants you to get better? a mix of all of it?
Anon above me is right though
No. 376023
>>373046I'm in the same boat, been together for a little over a year long distance and recently flew to his country to meet him. This is my first relationship ever so I struggle with knowing how to behave. Everything I did felt like an act/chore basically, I just feel so awkward and uncomfortable with lovey dovey things - receiving compliments or whatever (and physical intimacy is even worse). I don't feel butterflies or anything. I don't know if that makes me just not compatible with him, a lesbian or asexual but ok. He claims he's going to marry me but I have never seen marriage as a goal in my life so I don't think I would ever want to (but it seems necessary to close the gap) and he knows this but still won't stop talking about it. I don't want to move to his country and I can not imagine he will ever immigrate to mine because he's very close with his family (plus has a social life) even though he says he will. I feel bad for just going along with everything but I'm too afraid to break things off (I tried before and he was extremely hurt because he for some reason thinks I'm ''the one'', the guilt was too much and I apologized and we decided to try again lol which i regret now).
We're both in our mid 20s (he's ~3 years older than me) but he seems so clueless about basic things like using public transport or just following directions in Google Maps which gave me an ick lmfao. He also lied about his dating history and makes a loooot of empty promises which is pretty frustrating and disappointing in general. I feel like I'm trying so hard but he doesn't put much effort into anything or does everything last minute - if he does anything at all. When I visited him, he waited to book a place to stay until the day before I arrived and his card declined so I ended up having to book it myself lmfao (I bought the plane tickets ~4 months in advance, by the way). Over text and voice he would tell me about all the plans he had but we did barely anything irl. His mother ended up making a reservation for us at a restaurant one night because I guess he couldn't do it himself… Yeah, I don't even know.
The having to be available all the time to hang out online is probably the most annoying part of it all, I feel like I don't have any free time and always have to stay up until 6a.m. because he wakes up late and gets online around 10p.m. my time and then acts mopey when I tell him I'm tired around 1a.m. or something because he says he ''doesn't want to stop talking yet :(''. I'm also just bored of the games we play, videos we watch and sitting behind my pc basically. I think I am not meant to be in a relationship ever (long distance or not). Reading this makes me realize I'm probably a terrible person for not breaking things off and giving him the illusion of being together forever. But how the fuck do you end a relationship, nonnas.
No. 376121
File: 1706455948753.png (67.86 KB, 250x242, image_2024-01-28_163420048.png)
Last night my boyfriend was streaming for me and told me that a friend of his had a sister who he (my boyfriend) was spending a lot of time with recently. He told me he taught her how to play certain shooter game that he was also gonna teach me. I can't help but be jealous, should I tell him? I feel bad. Help nonas.
No. 376131
File: 1706458975485.png (4.99 KB, 615x500, loveheart_image.png)
>>376121I'm sure that if you sit down with him and explain your feelings he'll understand
No. 376137
>>376134That has to be the most
toxic way to handle a relationship, im praying you don't ever find a partner to inflict this level of pain on
No. 376140
>>376137I'm right though, and you're no fun. Sure, if you happen to find the most angelic and perfect Nigel ever, treat him like a human being. However OP's boyfriend is trash and she's not going to leave him, so she might as well get some laughs and entertainment out of the whole situation.
>>376138To me it sounds like he's taking time away from her to spend with this other girl. I don't think it's unwarranted jealousy, but rather she feels that something is seriously off with them and it's showing up as jealousy. Why is he spending "a lot" of time with another girl instead of his girlfriend, doing something with her that they promised to do together?
No. 376149
File: 1706466374679.jpg (Spoiler Image,17.39 KB, 275x275, 1706145818567.jpg)
So, I've been conversing with this guy who shares mutual friends with me. As I began to develop a bit of a crush on him, I casually suggested we grab lunch together as friends, not intending it to be a date, and he agreed. The outing went well, at least from my perspective. However, when I asked him out again a few weeks later, he deferred. I didn't think much of it and decided to give it some time, but once again, he said it wasn't the right moment. Frustrated, one night I got drunk and confessed my romantic interest, only to be rejected. I accepted it gracefully, telling him I wouldn't bother him anymore. He responded with a sad face.
Uncomfortable with his consistent presence in my Instagram stories, always among the first viewers, I unfollowed and blocked him to maintain some privacy. Recently, we crossed paths at a bar, and I intentionally walked past him, ignoring him the entire night. To my surprise, he messaged a mutual friend around 4 am, inquiring if I was upset with him and why I had ignored him all night. He proceeded to reveal to our mutual friend that I had expressed romantic interest, and he rejected me, citing it was because of my "style" not aligning with his preferences. When I questioned our mutual friend about what he meant by "style," they had no clue. Now I'm left wondering why he cares if I acknowledge him, especially since we both know he rejected me. Is it unreasonable for me to question his motives?
No. 376250
>>376243I can only speak as the other party that's been in this situation because my girlfriend would describe herself and her reactions to things similarly to how you've described yourself here. Therapy can be a big help, especially if it really is the type where some introspection and thinking about why you have the thoughts that you do like on CBT can help.
The only other thing I would recommend is just being upfront about exactly what you are feeling in the moment if you are able. When my girlfriend felt like this at the start of our relationship she would end up retreating inward and not elaborating on what feelings she was having. She said a lot of it was because she was conflicted between knowing the reaction wasn't "rational" and still feeling that way and she felt guilty. Letting him have a view of what your thoughts look like means he can also try to do his best to support you and reassure you in the moment too. I do the same in return with my girlfriend when I am feeling that anxious. I hope you're able to push through this nona.
No. 376253
File: 1706527482325.jpg (20.05 KB, 510x510, hmm.jpg)
nonas is my boyfriend a manchild? We have been dating for 1 year and he's met most of my friends and family, everything was going great. He is kind to me, sex is great, he is generous, we have been living together for a few months and have taken trips together too. No red flags. Recently, a friend (who he has met) made a joke to me about stalking his social media to check he wasn't a creep and confirmed that she didn't find anything incriminating on her deep dive into his socials. I found this funny/cute so told my bf, and his response was to ignore my messages for 8 hours, then eventually say he was upset that my friend would even think to stalk his social media. He has been super off with me on messages ever since (I'm not seeing him in person for a few more days as he is currently on a work trip). Now he is refusing to come to an event with me this weekend that will have most of my friends there.
Is he just being childish, does he have something to hide, or is this just to annoy me so that I think about ending the relationship? I feel like this is a crazy reaction to something so minor.
No. 376262
>>376257Shut the fuck up. 99% of men will lie to your face and hide the most deranged shit from you, plus looking at public profiles isn't "stalking."
>Every normie will be off put by it.Keep moralfagging, that's how you marry a man who ends up trooning out and fucking men on the side because you "trusted" him and didn't bother digging deeper.
No. 376263
>>376253Not sure it's an immaturity thing, could be just regular normie hurt feelings that someone might look at their publicly available online information in a suspicious way or use it to judge them. He probably just got a pit in his stomach realizing he was vulnerable to that kek. Obviously there are reasons women do this to potential partners for themselves or friends (it's just a safety thing).
You broke girl code by telling him, lol, don't do that again. Some people think snooping is a literal sin, and they consider looking at their public socials with any intention other than to be their friend as stalking even though that's retarded.
If you feel he's really bothered by this and it's risking your relationship just flat out tell him as a man he has never had to worry about a partner seriously harming him but every woman has felt this fear and female friends look out for eachother like this. He doesn't have to understand, it's not about him, it's a girl thing.
No. 376264
>>376263Yeah I am now regretting telling him, at the time though my friend and I were laughing about it and since they have met she even said 'you should tell him he's cleared'. Like it's definitely lighthearted from her side so his reaction is so off to me.
Ty nona, I will try this and hopefully he will stop acting weird.
No. 376309
>>376257Nta but did stalking even happen? Yes actual social media stalking is derranged, but anon's post reads like it was used VERY loosely. If all anon's friend did was go through his public post 1 time, that's not stalking whatsoever, IF she even did anything at all considering anon said she was joking. Even employers go through your public posts ffs.
>>376253Anyway reacting this defensively is suspicious.
No. 376315
>>375354Late but it means he has learned things about women or picked up behaviors from his past relationships and it comes through in how he acts or what he says, like you can tell he learned it from a woman he dated. It's from the #someonecookedhere hashtag and can be applied to non-relationship things but it's usually about a man in a relationship.
https://mashable.com/article/someone-cooked-here-tiktokvidrel is credited as the original
No. 376350
>>376332Everyone I know who settled for someone they weren't attracted to ended up regretting it. It's not even about his objective appearance, it's about whether you think he's attractive or not. If not, it's unfortunate, but it probably won't work out.
>>376286Are you annoyed because you don't think he's really bisexual? Or that he talks about it too much?
No. 376421
>>376420No, focusing on revenge will not help. I have been where you are, was with an incredibly
abusive narc, and I literally fled. I had to leave under cover of night. He would love for you to plan some kind of revenge, bc it’s attention. It’s supply. He’d probably laugh at your posts, and that makes me mad to think about just like it probably makes you mad. I promise going no contact is the answer. Everything you’ve said just tells me you need to get far away from him. You need to work on healing yourself and even tho the revenge fantasies feel so good, it’s not what the focus should be for you. They’ll never come true the way we dream, and the best revenge is showing him he doesn’t matter. Truly, when my ex realized I was never coming back and he could message my friends all he wanted, he was EMBARRASSED. I could tell. And for a narc, ego death is worse than regular death. Best revenge is living well, cliche but true.
No. 376426
>>376420If you wanna do revenge, I think material damage IS the way to go. Pour fish oil in his car window and disappear without an explanation.
If he's a narc the only type of emotional revenge that will work is ignoring him.
No. 376435
>>376434I don’t want to be too schizo but that’s kind of the more extreme logic my brain is coming at this with, “What would he do in a crisis situation? How would he fair in a famine or a natural disaster or temporary or prolonged societal collapse?”
It’s not some immature “ick” but it’s definitely something that makes me have to think much harder about whether I want this man to be the father of my children when factoring in other flaws and issues we have had and other things that could stand in the way of us being mutually happy and healthy together and that could be an obstacle to me getting the life I want in various aspects such as marriage, children, career, sex life, etc. I am not going to dump him but I overthink like crazy and can end up invalidating myself so I really needed to get some feedback somewhere. I know it is not a good sign if instinctually I am already like “Well of course my best friend or mother would be deeply concerned if I told them this” but I don’t know. He is legitimately autistic so that could be a huge part of it. I just know I’d do better to share it SOMEWHERE than bottle it up.
No. 376436
To be fair, it’s admirable that he jumped in to do what needed to be done, so that seems to display healthy masculinity and even awards a point in its own right to that “peak male” category. But yeah, the logic is just not there after the fact.
There has been some toxicity in the past and I think he is still not being truthful about some of his online activity. He also seems a bit insecure and has even tried to tell me my standards are unattainable just because he misunderstood them when I was just saying basic stuff like that I…need someone who doesn’t constantly misunderstand me and then punish me for their lack of comprehension, and how I need someone who can share in all of my fetishes because I am a very sexual person and could never settle or remain loyal if I was not very satisfied in that area, even if he’s a great man/provider/father in all other ways.
I have known him for years and I can see a future with him but for how harshly he has taken me exploring potential incompatibilities, sees it as me basically thinking he is not the one for me versus me out of respect as much for him and his time and energy as myself/my own making sure to clarify that he IS the one for me.. I don’t know. My first real relationship was looong term, my next after that was narcissistically abusive, and now I’m just trying to balance wanting to marry this dude while managing my expectations and trying to remain realistic. I just don’t think I have it in me to date someone if I don’t see myself marrying them and I am worrying this is where that is starting to go, that we could have a king and healthy relationship together but that it wouldn’t turn into what I want it to, so I am dealing with a lot of guilty feelings right now. I feel like a monster for just knowing what I want and being unsure if he measures up to that and I know that’s concerning.
No. 376437
>>376433Even if his employer wasn't concerned its still something you do for yourself if you know you were exposed to infected blood. You don't wait around and see if symptoms pop up. Apart from some people who get (easily written off) flu like symptoms shortly after exposure alot of the time other symptoms only show when its progressed to aids which can take years. I'd be weirded out by how casually he admitted that. The lack of concern for health, the head in the sand mentality. I hope he's been celibate in the years since but also imagine if you hadn't insisted on testing first. Plenty of people still don't hold that standard.
I was concerned about exposure once, got tested soon after and had to repeat the test 3 months later because of how it doesn't always show up on tests straight away. My employer didn't gaf but I did. Who can spend years thinking oh yeah I was exposed to hiv blood but I wont test? What other shit would he have to be incredibly lax about if thats his reaction to known hiv risk. If you stick with him make sure you see those test results with your own eyes. Don't take the 'can't be bothered' guys word for it.
No. 376445
>>376433My husband got blood on him at work, we have to wait another 2 weeks before he can get tested for hiv and hep c.
The fact your bf isnt worried is very worrying… like dump worthy. There should be protocols around it at his work place if it happened on the job, and they should have been followed.
The likelihood of him passing it onto you is extremely small, hiv positive men have had sex with women for years without infecting them.
But there IS still a risk, not just hiv but hep C too.
He needs to be tested asap, or you leave. Its that simple.
No. 376451
>>376433You should break up just because you're so put off and it clearly bothers you a lot and probably other things he does will start to bother you more and more, especially if he works in a field that exposes him to this sort of thing. However, if it was me in your shoes I wouldn't care at all.
He was saving their life so I assume he works in a medical setting of some sort? or some sort of care facility? The employer probably deemed it a non-risk for a good reason (I hope? unless the employer is super shitty); you can't get HIV just from blood getting on you, it has to get inside you.
I'm not sure what STD you can even get from someone spitting in your drink, but that also sounds like nothing to me because both the STD status and the spitting is and unknown and it would be incredibly paranoid to get tested because you were sure you coworker who
might have an STD
maybe spit in your drink, like be real.
No. 376477
File: 1706643327025.png (482.63 KB, 720x654, mmmmeeeaa.png)
Maybe I'm a borderline sociopath but I have a really weird scenario I'm in and I need help. I am stuck between 2 different men and I don't know who is right for me. I'm in my mid 20s and trying to consider my future. No, this isn't a fanficition.
The first man is a year older than me but he's very helpful and gentle with me. He's incredibly handsome to me in a unique way. He doesn't currently have a good job and I am unsure if he plans to get one. In the future he is set on me also working to take care of our children but this isn't something I want. I've met him and had sex with him before but we don't exactly click. He has a perfect dick but he isn't really all over me like I wish he could be. Sometimes it feels like he wants to be with me because he is used to me. In the beginning he used to be obsessed with me and go crazy over me but now he doesn't show as many signs of caring. He is a bit unfunny and not very smart but he's really gentle and understands me. I've been on and off with him. I'm off right now and talking to someone else. I'm currently the breadwinner between our pay and it's honestly unattractive to me. I don't know how our future will be. I've been "with him" for around 2 years now and he has been with me through rough patches. He has anger issues and will get really mad at video games and scream and sometimes cry. He's working on this but he gives me the ick. I really love him as a person but I feel unsure.
Other guy is 8 years older than me but he's very mature, obsessive (maybe because it's new) and wants to take care of me. I don't find him as attractive as the other guy but he isn't ugly. In the future he's getting a really good job and wants to take care of me for life. He is really into me sexually and desires me and everything I can offer. He has a big ego and can come off as rude without realizing it. He is also kind of passive aggressive. I think he is truly in love with me because he told me he would be happy as long as I'm happy, even if it isn't with him. He's a very intelligent military man with a rough past who wants to be taken care of. I've been newly talking to this man so I think I'm in a honeymood period with him. I don't feel really "into" him like I should and I don't know why.
I wonder if I should be alone and find someone else too? Will someone out there click with me or am I stuck choosing between pros and cons? Should I be with someone who will take care of me? I sound delusional and insane but I have nowhere else to discuss this with. Please give me some advice.
No. 376638
>>376253So, I spoke to him today and he was very apologetic and says that he should have communicated better. I told him that I didn't like the way he ignored me and punished me for my friends action and he agreed that he shouldnt do this. He said work stress made him feel overwhelmed which didn't help. He has agreed to come to the event with my friends IF his workload lessens.
Tbh I think he feels embarrassed about throwing a tantrum over this and may not come to the event anyway because of this. I have also suggested he private his socials since he was bothered by this. Thanks nonas for your words of wisdom, I appreciate
No. 376652
>>376477>In the future he is set on me also working to take care of our children but this isn't something I want. You're fundamentally not suitable on life goals.
>He has anger issues and will get really mad at video games and scream and sometimes cry.Stopped reading there.
Honestly the fact you have wasted 2 years on a blatant and potentially dangerous dead end says a lot about you, you need to do a lot of growing.
No. 376663
File: 1706725982026.jpg (5.39 KB, 270x186, image.jpg)
I recently started seeing this guy, who is a bit younger than me, very cute and kind towards me. We have fun conversations and share many interests in common. He's not terminally online and also has a good relationship with his parents, sister and female friends, which I find pretty important.
However, I discovered he follows a very questionable politician on social media. This got me extremely confused, since he seemingly doesn't align with that person's views. I usually don't take this kind of thing too seriously, but I'm kinda bothered this time.
Do you nonnas have any suggestions on how to deal with this? I have no idea of how to subtly confront him about this, or if I even should do that. Thanks.
No. 376668
>>376477They both sound bad. The guy you’re with now sounds really bad —like a gigantic waste of your time I’m serious, please leave him.
A older military man with a big ego who is rude and wants me to take care of him ….and he doesnt have the good job yet, never believe that sort of thing until it happens. That’s a big fat No from me. He is being nice because he wants you, he’s also bad.
You can and should do better.
No. 376722
>>376699I agree with the other nonas. Men who watch porn don’t deserve empathy or pity. Do not tell him it’s because you found the porn: it’ll only make him sneakier around the next woman, and that’s not fair on her.
Porn addicts can’t be rehabilitated imo, speaking from experience, the damage is done and it’s indicative of a lousy man and bad character, not a predictor of one, as some moids try to argue. He isn’t watching this gross porn because he’s a good person who fell down a slippery slope, he’s watching it because he’s a gross bad person to begin with. Trust me, you can’t mend a relationship with a porn addict without cucking yourself. It’s not worth it because they’re always opportunistic creepy and untrustworthy, and they never change, they just become more deceptive. The resentment, lack of trust and disgust will destroy you and the relationship eventually anyway. Not worth mending it.
No. 376820
File: 1706824429786.jpg (84.49 KB, 1280x720, 461ee38f980b779d362373211924c0…)
A guy asked me out on a date and I'm kind of nervous about it, we're going to a sweetshop tomorrow. I'm just wondering about how a first date usually goes… is it likely that he will try to kiss me? Does this mean he's going to be my boyfriend after this? I'm not familiar with this sort of thing and just need some encouragement
We're already friends and have spent a fair amount of time together, so it's not like he's a stranger. I actually really like him so I'm excited but worried that I'll do something "wrong" I guess just because it's a really new experience for me.
No. 377057
>>377054First rule is never tell moids traumatic shit you’ve been through because they will manipulate you and either use it against you or as leverage after breaking up. Men are probably going after you because being shy and reserved gives off pushover vibes so you telling them is just going to solidify it in their heads that you have been a
victim once and will be easier to break down. Try and seek out green flags like gauging his empathy level for people who have been assaulted then see how he reacts to #metoo topics. Don’t feel bad if you have to lie about your views just to get an honest look at his, hope you stay safe nona!
No. 377082
>>376898Cock rings make the penis look/feel bigger. Sensitive moids will interpret the request to use one as an insult to the size of their penis. He probably gave you basic, curt responses because he doesn't want to admit his insecurity about his penis size.
>"Babe let's try a cock ring! It'll be fun!">"Oh, so you're saying I'm not big enough to satisfy you? You're saying I have a shrimp dick? If I use it once, you'll never be satisfied unless I use it all the time! You want to feel pleasure when we have sex? Slut!"These types of scrotes are usually the same ones who freak out if you grab a vibrator to use during sex and view it as an insult to their sexual ability, which is reflective of their limited male-dominated view of sex. Sex toys are really fun and a great way to keep sex fresh, fun, and exciting for both of you. People with healthy, liberated views of sex understand that: but, a lot of scrotes have a weird domination complex where they want to identify as the sole provider
of your pleasure rather than an active participant
in your pleasure. My previous sexual partners have used cock rings before, and they give more pleasure for me (especially when they come equipped with a vibrating spot at the top to hit the clitoris) and them. I don't think you're in the wrong for being upset, especially because his responses seem cold and immature. Personally I've stopped seeing lovers in the past because of their reluctance to use sex toys in the bedroom. It gives me the ick because I can't help but view them as boring and sexually repressed. I'm also surprised by other anons' reactions to your dilemma and they seem to misunderstand it. I think it's natural to feel annoyed when someone dismisses your idea, especially one as harmless as this. Ask yourself: do you think he would be this dismissive/uninterested if you suggested gifting him a sex toy designed only for
his pleasure, like a Fleshlight? Probably not; that's the problem.
>>377065>Comparing trying a sex toy to having a threesome.Kek.
No. 377091
>>377082It's my understanding that cock rings feel kinda bad to wear and are a toy for masochists, sort of like nipple clamps but it can also keep you from cumming. Wouldn't the simple explanation be that he's not into pain? You're making is sound so deep.
>>376898I wasn't there so I don't know if there was some subtle tone in his voice or something but from what you said you would be in the wrong to get upset over this. It's a kink thing he's just not interested in, there doesn't have to be a whole conversation. what would he even say that he didn't already say? it's not like he's gonna be averse to cockrings because of a secret trauma
No. 377092
>>377054Possibly never. You don't owe him that information. Especially don't tell him until you've seen him react to someone else's similar story or even a fictional story (and if he reacts poorly just dump him, he's trash, don't even explain).
Always remember it is not something you did, it doesn't reflect on your personality, it is something that happened to you and it's private information if you want it to be. Any good person would simply be angry at the guy who hurt you. Anyone who reacts like they suddenly feel differently about you should be told to fuck off.
No. 377093
>>377091>cock rings feel bad to wear and are a toy for masochistsListen it's not my fault you don't know shit about sex toys make baseless assumptions on things that you don't know about. I'm not gonna sit here and type out a big explanation on sex toys you can do that yourself for free on DuckDuckGo. Type in the search bar "do cock rings hurt?" and be amazed at the results you find.
>it's a kink thingIf you think using sex toys is a kink thing you must be so boring in bed and I'm not trying to be funny or mean.
No. 377094
>>377093Huh, today I learned. Maybe he has the same misconception.
It still seems like a fundamentally different thing from a toy like a vibrator. A vibrator makes you cum, a ring doesn't. Clearly not my area though so whatever. I genuinely would not appreciate being pressed into a conversation about why I don't want to use a certain sex toy so I still think she should let it go unless she has some other reason to feel like something is off with him.
No. 377096
>>377094Okay sorry I came off combative in my reply I hope you can forgive me. But be for real if your nigel came up to you and was like "hey my sexy
nonnie you wanna try out this new cock ring? it makes me last longer in bed so I can spend even more time pleasuring you and it even vibrates for your enjoyment and also it only cost me 15 dollars" wouldn't you be pleasantly surprised? Sorry I just get so angry I hate scrotes and their regressive "me me me!" sex ideology.
No. 377098
>>377082This lol, he probably thinks anon thinks his dick is small.
Man I'm glad my bf is normal in the head and enjoys making me happy and likes communication. Anons are acting like she is asking to peg him with a 12 inch dildo
No. 377102
>>377096It's all good nona I didn't think you were combative lol
Being real, that has actually happened (just without any research or understanding of how it's supposed to work) and the ring was too small I guess and killed the mood plus the vibe on it was cheap as shit and didn't even feel good on my clit.
No. 377108
>>377101My thoughts exactly! I didn't want to outright reveal her boyfriend's obvious homosexuality to her in fear she'd be hurt by the information. It's very obvious that he is just another dick-obsessed covert homo.
>>377102I'm sorry that happened to you. I'm manifesting the appearance of future nigels that own appropriately sized, expensive, and well operated cock rings for your pleasure.
No. 377218
>>377199I'm in a similar boat as
>>377196 but not just for sex. If there's relationship potential there do you think it's worth my time to pursue something or nah?
No. 377223
>>377220Yeah, you're right. I'm hung up on it because I found him attractive at one point, then it slowly went away. Probably the novelty wearing off, honestly. And on paper everything else is near perfect so I guess I just
want it to work. Oh well
No. 377229
>>377218context:
> I've never been in a relationship before> it's because i dont find anyone around me interesting> those who are interested in me, i dont find interestingi met my moid online and we were friends before we became a thing. i was never really looking for a relationshio. we talked as friends for 2-3 months and tbh i didnt think he was the most attractive person ever. but we shared humor, were both open to each other's political views, he made me laugh very hard and we just had that intellectual connection.
he confessed that he liked me and i gave it a chance. we're in an online LDR right now. surprise surprise, he wasnt that ugly and was just purposely sending goofy pics to make me laugh. now i can say that he's pretty normal looking, maybe a bit below average idk.
we've never met face to face so im also doubting things. what if i meet him and he looks bad? but i love him as he is now.
i guess what im trying to say is that if he makes you happy, why not give it a chance.
No. 377249
>>377237oh believe me im the first one to think it's not real, especially since ive never even been to a relationship of any sort and have never felt the need for one.
i dont think it's as serious as irl relationships but what do i have to lose tbh. if we break up, it's not gonna be messy, we dont have mutual friends to fight over, shit like that. and i dont have to be hassled by real life relationship problems.
worst case scenario is that i just return to not caring about these things again.
>>377220as for looks, i can imagine it would be a struggle to force yourself to look at someone and feel attracted. i personally combat this by being attracted to his personality more than his face. although i dont think that's the solution for everyone.
No. 377258
>>377253because unlike the guys that ive talked to who were attractive but too braindead for a deep meaningful conversation, he's actually super fun to talk to, his jokes actually make me laugh, he's smart, all that shit.
althou i have to admit, most of the guys who've tried to get with me were those gym bro lunkheads that think 90+90 is 145 or whatever the meme is. i cannot stand small talk and id rather die than be asked about everything as if he's taking data for a census research. or those shy guys that ask for nudes 1-2 days afte talking.
>>377256yah honestly i agree with you. sometimes i feel like i can get both personality and looks from a guy, and that i should break it off as soon as possible since im not too attached yet.
and realistically, have we ever seen a good looking guy with an ugly girl? never. the inverse is almost always the case. goes to show that men put more value into looks than women, because i sure as hell am bearing with it.
(integrate. stop spacing out your lines like that) No. 377414
File: 1707082271091.jpg (190.98 KB, 1512x1346, foam-clown-nose-78b1b4d0-0ca3-…)
I'm a fucking dumbass
>Met a guy, seemed very decent on a first date, holds really pleasent conversations both online and offline, really interested in me and isn't looking for a quick fuck
Turns out he is:
>Mentally ill
>Did a lot of drugs
>Was in jail for drug dealing
>Does nothing for a living except playing poker online
>Literally yelled at his mother over the phone on our second date
>I took him to my place on a second date, he gawked at my apartment and asked to move in immediately
>For reasons I had to ask him to leave earlier, had to pay for his taxi
>Literally bought groceries for him
>Also payed for him in a restaurant
>He openly asks me for gifts
>Talks tall tales about his shitty online job
>Bated me with suicide when I doubted our relationship
>Doesn't understand why me, a person with a stable job and from a decent family doesn't want his looser ass
I was fed up with him and told him it's over but had a moment of doubt cause I have a low self esteem and doubted I would ever find a better man. So I told him I was sorry for breaking up.
I try to talk to him as little as possible online and don't meet in person. Still, how can I tell him to fuck off without looking like a fucking idiot?
Yeah, I know, I'm a clown, now laugh at me please.
No. 377442
File: 1707089029380.png (164 KB, 1080x1080, b0h3zjkf6ht71.png)
How do I find a himbo boyfriend? I'm disgusted by men since my ex cheated on me and haven't felt love since so I keep going to fantasy to satisfy the loneliness but the only type of man I want is kinda like Ken from the Barbie movie and I don't know how to spot this sort of man in the wild. I guess it does not help I am very introverted. Do I have to buy a gym membership or something?
No. 377504
I'm this anon
>>377414Just send him a short note that I don't see us together and blocked him everywhere. Hope he wouldn't stalk me because he looks like that sort of guy that can do that.
Also,fuck online dating. Is it the best guy I can find for LTR? Seems so.
No. 377597
Gonna be long, but I just needed to vent. I had a needed sit down with my boyfriend today, it felt difficult for me to process and put into words, but I basically told him I have some needs that aren't being met. For me, I am glad to become aware of this within 3 months of the relationship, but it still is very difficult for me to express. Each time I spoke, more tears kept flowing out. I feel ashamed to say what I need and want and I feel selfish for saying so, but my feelings do matter in this relationship. I told my boyfriend I'm not getting enough attention, affection, adoration from him. His response was pointing out the fact that we have spent nearly every day together and especially on weekends we do go out. I reply back acknowledging we do spend a lot of time together, but it feels like when we're out, he's unable to completely be in the moment. His mind is usually elsewhere worried about his work. He has a tendency to look at his phone to respond to emails or messages regarding his work and also go on survey apps to make a few cents here and there. He understands how difficult it can be, and he apologizes for something he currently cannot control.
He's been trying to stay within his field of work, given he has a master's degree in his field, he feels staying within his field makes the education he endured worth it, but the pay absolutely sucks unless he wants to sell himself out and make himself bankrupt becoming a gig worker, which he refuses to do and I totally understand why he wouldn't want to stoop so low. He currently has 4 jobs to try to make ends meet, yet with that, a lot of his work days are spent driving to about 3 places throughout. The pay is great upfront, but it's unstable to help him throughout the year. Many times, the time spent at one job will become extended at the last minute and that will throw him off for another job to go to or personal life time. He was late to his own birthday party because of work.
Due to the mental load it's putting on him, he's unable to take care of himself. Many days, he feels too rushed to eat anything until dinner, some days not able to eat at all. He's so mentally tired once he has free time for us to meet. On top of that, he's trying to focus on dropping everything down to a single job, which is to work from home, giving private lessons to his own students, and he has a few currently. I told him, "I think it's best for you to step away from these other 3 jobs, when you can, and find a stable foundation, possibly not in his field, and then work around finding students from there, because right now your mind is all over the place." Which is true, I've asked him to put his phone down while talking, while we are eating, and even while we're intimate. I would just like his full undivided attention, he's able to do so, but because this 4th new job is what brings in majority of the income he could make throughout the year, it's what's going to occupy his mind for about 5 months, on top of everything else. He admits he enjoyed this type of work when he was younger, but the reality started to set in and it only gets worse every passing year and he can't fathom how he was able to put up with it at first. He said this will truly be his last year doing all this. He has minimized how bad it really is, saying it's not as bad as he was a few years ago when he was suicidal. I reminded him it's good it's not that bad, but this is now and as his partner, it's concerning to witness the mental state he's in. I I I do admire he's able to handle this the way he is for this long too, but if I were in his shoes, I'd be crying myself to sleep, breaking out into hives from frustration, and scurrying to find a new job that even pays less to avoid this torture (which the latter for him is almost impossible if he wants to stay in the field)
I mean, sure if I wanted to stay in my field I got an education for and sold myself out, I'd be making pornographic furry art and rolling in thousands more than I do make now, but doing all that goes against my values and dignity. I will likely even lose myself if I went down that path, so I get where he's coming from doing what's right for him in the field. I didn't see myself years ago as someone being in a career that I'm in now, not art related at all, but it's something stable and it does pay. I'm at a point where work stays at work and it cannot bother me at home, and I wish for the same for him, given us being in our early 30s, I feel it's a necessary part of our lives and also the fact my intentions to be in a relationship with him is to hopefully have this commitment be forever.
No. 377626
>>377598Yes, I believe he would. One job he goes to once a week for 1 hour and is mainly for credentials. It's something he's been trying to land for years, the thing is after accepting the job, it was revealed how odd the pay is, he can easily get that pay covered with a private lesson for half an hour. Another job is only twice a week, for about 3 to 4 hours.
The good thing about these 3 jobs is they're school based so summer is open. Normally he would take out from his savings hes built for 10 months to pay rent + bills for 2 months until the school year starts up again.
No. 377647
>>377644He's certainly interesting.
Half euro/half korean. Imagine a 6' blonde hair, blue eyed guy who's got asian features but the dick is actually decent kek. Fashionable. He is overweight tho.
>>377646True, I'll keep that in mind.
No. 377665
>>377630How much shrooms is he taking? I dont understand how he can be around strangers at a noisy concert but not you incase he "reacts poorly".
Weird he'll fuck you but not take shrooms near you, in my opinion. Take a friend to the show, if you see him you see him, if not oh well.
No. 377798
>>377789You're "crazy" and "overreacting" to normie women because they've been bullied into agreeing it is perfectly normal, ~healthy~ even for men to watch porn in relationships. (Bullied the same way you're now being told you're controlling). All the women in your life who tell you you're controlling either have truly been convinced this is normal and/or are pickmes but more likely secretly, deep down, feel the same way but don't have the guts to speak up. It isn't easy to stand your ground when porn has become so socially acceptable.
Also this regardless
>>377796 No. 377820
I just did… a thing. and I'm now wondering if it was the right thing to do, which I should've done before, I guess, but oh well. let's start with me saying I know I'm a piece of shit for what I've done, so we can get that out of the way. to keep it short: I've been in a relationship with a guy who's altogether great for the past 7 years. we have a mortgage and a cat together. the relationship has been feeling pretty stale for a while now though, despite him being a great guy and all, which lead to me cheating on him a few days ago. now, I CAN'T tell him I've cheated. I absolutely refuse to. he's been cheated on by a longterm gf before and I know it would absolutely destroy any semblance of trust in women in him if I did tell him that, and that's the least I want for him going forward. I spent these past couple of days mulling things over, feeling guilty, contemplating suicide, all that jazz - and today I finally broke and told him I want to break up, citing general lack of satisfaction, not seeing a future for us as a reason, etc. which is true too, and we've talked about it at length before - for example, he might consider having children in the future, while I'm firmly against it, which has always been on my mind. I feel like this might have happened sooner or later anyway, so perhaps all I'm doing is speeding up the inevitable. it still tears my heart apart to see him cry and hurt so much. I care for him DEEPLY and I do love him, but I feel like my cheating is just further proof of the fact that what was once there for me just isn't anymore. he's the kind of guy who genuinely tries, and I'm the kind of woman who keeps looking for validation in all the wrong places, and yearning for all of the wrong kinds of independences, and drinking excessively, and pissing my life away while engaging in self-destruction. I'm not long for this world anyway tbh, and I'd love for him to find somebody he can truly trust and depend on. anyway, disregarding all of my general fuckery, is what I'm doing now similar, in any way, shape or form, to the right thing? we've agreed to talk again tomorrow and I'm afraid I'll break seeing him cry.
oh and just to make things absolutely clear: the guy I've cheated with him on isn't a one-time thing either. we've been close friends for half a year now and I'm genuinely infatuated with him. he has a gf too and I have no expectations of him leaving her, that's his thing entirely and he's jųst as much a piece of shit for cheating as I am anyway, so I'm certainly not leaving one guy for another - BUT if I'm entirely honest, I'm not sure I wouldn't do it again if I had a chance. which is all tbe more reason for me to leave decent guys be, I think?
No. 377890
>>377414Funny update on this guy
I blocked him but he messaged me through a throw away account and I thought at least I owe him an explanation and just wrote what I think about him. That he is a very talented guy and can score a high paying blue collar job with how good he is at fixing things (it's true) but I'm just buffled why he prefers to sit at his mom's home all day and do nothing except smoking weed. That's why I dropped him. He got very pissed at that and told me I'm emotionally manipulate him and gave me a piece of "advice" before blocking me too: to quit my job because apparently it takes a great toll on me. Yeah, right. Because I want to move in with my parents and do nothing all day instead of, you know, being a responsible adult.
Holy fuck, what a retard. Good thing I dropped him.
No. 377974
I don't know if it's a me issue, but I feel like expressing my needs that aren't being met is going to scare away my boyfriend. He's so polite, he's very gentlemanly, but he's always worrying about something. I guess I'm trying to chase the first couple dates again. I want the princess treatment I got in the beginning. I want him to hold his car door open for me, I want him to write notes to me, I want him to smother me in kisses when we're intimate. I feel like saying these things is going to make him feel like he's not doing good enough, which I already told him he's not giving me his undivided attention, and he responded with how stressful working multiple jobs is, he can't relax. Given I've had exes who couldn't keep a single job, I'd much prefer this.
I just think the amount of care and attention I feel I need is merely a fantasy due to the fact I've had shitty exes who never reciprocated the effort I put in, that this is something that cannot be done for me healthily. I don't know how to come to terms with the reality I won't be treated like a fairytale princess every day.
No. 378061
>>378022>I kind of don't like it, but if it keeps him from watching porn, then sure.This is sad. Indulging in something sexually you don't like and justifying it is even sadder. He should know you don't like it and not subject you to his fetish.
>How do I tell this to him?? Don't tell him you spent time looking or are paranoid.
>I don't want to sound crazy, and I didn't go through his phone so I cannot confirm it. You don't sound crazy, having suspicions of a man with this level of paraphilia is understandable.
>I just have so much anxiety about being posted online for sexual purposes and it led to thisAgain you are not being unreasonable. Please delete all the pics you can before you leave the relationship.
No. 378063
>>378062I forgot to tell that it also doesn't help that I have very positive male figures in my life that are my dad and brother. It's nothing Freudian but it's hard not to compare other men with my brother.
See, he is in a ltr with that girl and he threats her like a queen. She is not an insane beauty, more of a plain jane but anyway. He is loyal only to her (they have anti jealousy measures), showers her with gifts, if she needs anything she just has to snap her fingers and he will be there and help her. He shows her support in her studies and all that. He acts like a gentleman around her even though he can be a dumbass around some people. He is already planning their future wedding.
She is also a very sweet and smart girl with many positive qualities.
Obviously I look up to their relationship like a positive model of what good relationship should be.
No. 378167
>>377820samefag, update on this mindfuck of a situation: the bf has come home from work and a psych appointment the next evening with a request for me to stay for a while longer and not just tear everything apart like that. so that's what I'm doing for the time being, staying put, sleeping in the living room, holding on to the decision I made and watching him coming around to it slowly. it seems so damn easy sometimes just to reach my hand out to his and reverse the fuck out of this fuckery, but I'm not doing that. it's done, that's it. it's actually sweet, in a weird way, to see us two comforting each other through our break-up like that, but all this does for me is prove that he deserves a chance at meeting somebody better than me. it hurts as hell though. gotta just keep on moving through the steps, no wavering, it has to get better at some point, right?
No. 378177
File: 1707435413653.jpg (22.69 KB, 735x779, sniffle.jpg)
nonas, im at a loss. i went on a date with a guy today and it turns out we have a lot in common. like, a genuinely absurd amount of stuff in common, which is a huge plus for me in terms of relationships. the only thing is that he just.. isn't very attractive. i wouldn't say ugly but definitely not very attractive either. i'm not acting like i'm super hot but i know i can do better in terms of looks in men. is it worth settling over a man who truly has a better personality?
No. 378178
>>378177Never settle, nona. This is
your life and you need to live it for you, and if you know you'll be unsatisfied, why punish yourself? Yeah he's cool, hopefully you can be friends and he won't be such a moid about it, but there is no reason you don't deserve to have your ideal man.
No. 378200
I don't know how to live with my narcissistic, delusional mother who's inconsistent with her anti-anxiety meds for OCD.
She's a retired pensioner so she has all day to concoct ways in her head that I am wronging her and imposing on her house (our house only within polite company and when I am compliant to her whims, of course).
I clean for a living. I am no slob.
I am also not a man so I have never been mollycoddled and catered to–like she does towards her piggy brothers and her hoarder father until he croaked. She has always made sure to yell at me whenever I fail her standards. I know to pick up after myself and keep relatively tidy because of her OCD and how she explodes. Nons, I don't dare to leave a dish in the sink or a counter unwiped. A splattered stovr after cooking? Why, scandal! If I don't clean up my room and bathroom enough (she demands more than once a week) then she will go in there herself to clean and rifle through my stuff and frustrate at me. She builds up anger at me while I am out or at my job, when I come back I feel very unwelcome as she makes it very clear everything is her space. I could have compassion for her personality disorder if her narcissism didn't make her a fucking monster about it. Ask her though? She just has "mild anxiety." Take her three divorces and no close friends as what you will. When she gets angry at me for sullying her clean home with my presence and signs of living in it, she accuses me of never cleaning up after myself. It's untrue and unfair.
If I deny her accusations or start to get defensive from her demeanor, attitude, and negging, she turns around to play victim and gaslight me about awful and cruel things she said. Yet, like a dog, if she separates from me for a bit to go smoke a cig or something she comes back fine as pie–well not fine, as she hates her own daughter, but at least ignoring me and not actively yelling or talking shit to bait an argument.
She's an awful human, but she's my mother. The same mother who screams at me to go "shack up with a man" during her episodes, after the whole reason I am needing to live with her is due to men taking financial advantage of me. In an earlier breath, when we talk about why I got with my exes, she asks "Well why didn't you call me and stay here?" She's dead serious.
She is unaware or in denial about her behavior towards other humans. Grey rocking doesn't work on her. Telling her my schedule of when I clean is not good enough. When I offer to take pictures as proof that I clean up after myself, well, "that's just petty."
All she wants to do is constantly railroad my ass, take her anger out on me, and for me to kiss her feet.
Aside from the unobtainable 'move out' advice, what should I do to handle an emotionally volatile womanbaby who doesn't want to hear how she treats people?
No. 378222
>>378200Can't you put a lock on your bathroom and bedroom? Or will she go as far as removing those?
Sorry anon, I know what it's like to have a parent who lacks any common sense and conventional thinking but pretends to be nice and reasonable in front of outsiders. It's very frustrating. What happens if you just.. ignore her when she's unreasonable? Is she the type to yell at you for hours straight or demand your attention by taking your stuff out of your hands?
No. 378242
I'm in a situationship right now and don't know if I should cut it off or if I should allow this to progress.
For context, he is nearly 9 years older than me, we knew each other for a year as semi-friendly in our hobby group. He has a degree, but no job. To his credit, he puts a lot of effort into applications and interviews, it's just a crappy job market right now. He mostly picks up gig work and lives paycheck to paycheck otherwise. We met through a mutual hobby, for which he is truly in the top 10% of men in the United States in terms of skill. He is incredibly nice, very clean and organized, and beyond impressive regarding the hobby. I've been very clear with him since the first day it became clear that this would be a relatively long-lasting situation. He understands that I am absolutely not interested in committing myself to a man who is financially unstable. My mistake was that I mentioned disliking how much he vaped back in December, and in casual conversation, told him I'd be up for reevaluating our situation if he could successfully quit nicotine for a month before my birthday.
He is two weeks nicotine free, with two more to go, and I'm realizing just how shitty the situation is. He is still unemployed, so I am still uninterested in labeling anything, and will still be uninterested in 2 weeks. That being said, we have spent maybe 7 nights total APART in the last 6 or 7 weeks. Because of our hobby and heritage, we are both heavily involved in a specific cultural community as well, meaning that we are frequently expected at/invited to events and activities. This becomes a problem further as his parents are huge in the community, and I have had dinner with them at least 6 times in the last 6 weeks as well (including christmas day, his father's birthday dinner, a museum outing they invited us to, etc.) It got to the point where I had to ask him to talk to his parents about the fact that we are NOT labeled and I am extremely uncomfortable with his family constantly inviting me for dinners and treating me to expensive outings. The only people that know about us are our own families, which is already stressful considering the chances of one of our 60+ eastern european mothers of accidentally refering to me as his gf or him my bf at any community gathering is astronomically high. Our current situationship agreement is that NOBODY outside of family and a few close, completely unconnected friends know. We've established that the situation will stop when I transfer schools (I will still be in the same 1-1.5 hour radius of our hobby/cultural community zone).
He is fun to be around, I think he's pretty cute (only issue is hairline but imo that can be fixed), and he is extremely respectable in regards to our hobby. He is demonstrably dedicated to me (quitting nicotine, driving 1 hr+ to my house constantly) and I know he has very strong feelings. He clearly would like a relationship and I'm worried he is expecting me to say yes to becoming "official" once it's my birthday and he's completed 4 weeks, despite me reminding him that I refuse to commit to someone with a stressful financial situation. What complicates the fact is how involved we are with our cultural community and our hobby. Everyone knows everyone, word would travel fast, and if the relationship ever turns sour, it could really fuck up the hobby group (which is professional and does travel both domestically and internationally) as he is literally one of the best men in the US for it and the last thing I want is to mess up the group. Besides the finances and the group, I'm also in my early 20's while he is beginning his 30's. I don't want to tie myself to a guy who isn't stable while I'm young and about to transfer into a good school with lots of guys my age pursuing their education. He made some poor decisions in his early 20's, and I don't blame him for that, and he acknowledges that he isn't as stable as he would like to be considering his age. Again, I hear the calls he gets from recruiters, I have seen him go to interviews, and he works quite a bit of manual labor to pay bills. I really only want a guy that doesn't make me worry.
I truly do like him. Not at the same magnitude, it's more of a crush. He listens and remembers little things I tell him, everything from foods I like to minor things I'm uncomfortable with. For instance, I told him I didn't want to kiss him within a few minutes of him hitting his vape, and now, even weeks later, when I haven't even seen him take a (nic free) hit, he'll stop me from kissing him and warn me that he took one). He truly demonstrates respect for me and my boundaries, he doesn't push and I know that if I tell him I want to remain unlabeled fuckbuddies, he'll accept it. I just can't help but to feel like I'm being too uptight about refusing to truly "date" him. He has never asked me for money, he listens, he humors my requests. We are dating in everything but name, as much as I hate to admit it. I wonder if I'm just insecure about what people will think of me, or if I'm worried that this is going to be a traumatic loser like the last one. Do I commit? Do I remain unlabeled and calculate exactly when to start distancing during late spring so we can have a clean break by late summer and pretend like nothing ever happened come fall?
No. 378244
>>378242nonna it sounds like you're trying to talk yourself out of being with him. you list what you like about him but then you list even more things that make you doubt a future together. you can like him as a person and think he's great and still not want to be in a relationship with him.
>I really only want a guy that doesn't make me worry. unfortunately this man does not exist
No. 378433
>>378244Ayrt, I think you’re right. We are essentially dating already, but I guess I’m not ready to accept the fact. I think I could technically “do better” and find a guy my age with a more stable career/work situation, and I’m a little embarrassed that I’m with this guy instead.
>>378245His family is perfectly fine and backed off completely, we are just very involved in the community and I see them often. The situationship is my doing, I initiated seeking him out at events and we unspokenly(?) kept accompanying each other around more and more. I’m the one who is refusing labels. The age and hair are a turn off, but it looks fine now that I’m making him grow it out a little. His hairline has been the same since high school, so it isn’t that bad of a situation. He works a lot, mostly landscaping and manual labor type jobs for a few repeat clients. He has a degree in economics.
>>378290My gut’s telling me that I keep defending him because I like him and am embarrassed about it. I could do better, but I’m instead basically already in a relationship with a dude who doesn’t have much going on career/life-structure wise. I think most of my hesitancy comes from the fact that I know this will continue past my fall expiration date, but won’t last forever, meaning there will eventually be awkwardness at our hobby/cultural events when it ends. Like the first responder mentioned, I do and continue to like him as a friend and perhaps more, but he’s not proper relationship material for my standards. I think I am worried about “wasting time” and impacting the group. The time aspect is interesting though, because I’m guessing I’m only worried it’d be “wasted” with him because he isn’t someone I’d marry. Is it bad to date someone with the understanding that it may be long term, but marriage will never be an option?
No. 378601
>>378532Not sure why everyone is telling you to abort because you’d be single. Men are fucking useless it’s not like you wouldn’t be doing all the work whether he was around or not. I’m more concerned you don’t think it’s the right time. Is it actually a bad time in your life? It’s okay to get an abortion. If you’re happy to have it that’s fine too just be realistic with yourself and don’t have an unwanted child.
If youre happy to have it then congratulations and I believe in you. If the guy turns out to be useless don’t keep him around. I hope you have some people you can count on because having a baby is hard if you don’t have somebody trustworthy to watch it while you sleep or work.
No. 378830
File: 1707763237690.jpg (65.84 KB, 735x489, f0cdb08e12d50c2e3c2ecd56ee1097…)
i'm starting to feel horrible over my boyfriend never paying for me/buying me things but i don't know if it's valid considering he's in a much better place than me. i know the 6th post in this thread is discussing the same thing i am but i think i just need to get this off of my chest
we've been dating for almost a whole year now. he's in a very successful software job, and i am still trying to escape NEETdom (which is really fucking hard to do when you are autistic and borderline). he is understanding of what i'm going through and is the only person that actually makes me want to keep putting effort into recovering, but he still makes me to split the bill on everything, even though i am barely surviving off of what little money my parents are willing to give me. if i dont have enough money to pay for things i want to do (going to a resturaunt or movie), he'll just say "oh, thats okay…uh, maybe we can just hang out at your place then" for the 100th time. i feel like i have no right to complain because he's actually putting in the effort to work and live independently while i feel burnt out for days over a single job interview. i know i should talk to him about this but i am so afraid that doing so will make it seem like i am some deadbeat moocher and nobody wants to deal with that, i am afraid of losing him since he's the only person i have in my life apart from a narcissist mother and i don't know what to do
No. 378837
>>378830I like to go Dutch on things and I’m even a little put off by men who need to buy everything but if my boyfriend who supposedly loves me literally wouldn’t buy me a meal I’d assume he doesn’t like me. That’s crazy, Nona. Is he actually making your life better or is he just using you for sex and not committed to you? Do you live together? This is so odd to me.
I think you’re right and you should have a frank conversation about it. Does he think he’ll hurt your pride by offering to pay for things? Is he just a stingy asshole? You should really find out. Spending money on your girlfriend or boyfriend is supposed to be fun and a show of affection, it’s weird if he refuses to or thinks he shouldn’t. You gotta get this figured out. You add value to his life and you become a unit when you’re together, it’s not like he’s your sugar daddy wtf
No. 378839
>>378830do you really want this ungenerous guy in your life? think about if a girl friend was the one going through this, what would you think? of course a support system helps you, and he is a support to you, but it also doesn't bode well that he is the
only support you do have. i hope you can get back on your feet soon, is he really adding anything to your life in a concrete way? you'd probably be more 'well -off' single. a conversation is needed, anon.
No. 378900
>>378830I'd break up with him because he sounds poor. Not in the sense that he doesn't have money, but in the sense that he is mentally impoverished. When moids don't have that neuron connection of "me buy thing for girlfriend me feel happy," there's no sense in continuing on with them because they are living in mental poverty. Does he ever even buy you flowers? Do you wanna be with a guy that will never buy you flowers? Because there are men out there that will buy you flowers for no reason at all just to make you smile. These are the types of men we have to be on the lookout for.
>I have no right to complainActually complaining is our one right that nobody can take away from us.
>my narcissist motherThis is gonna sound so crazy so don't do this unless you really wanna break up with him. I also have a mother with NPD and she's crazy and gets on my nerves but most of the time we can have fun together. Anyways, you have to complain about him with her. She will set you straight. The reason I say this is because, from experience, she will take his idiocy as an attack against her by proxy of you. You have to lead the gossip and she will start giving out all these truth-bombs. She will probably help you through the ennui of "do I dump him or not" with her crazed hurt-ego ramblings. Just don't give her opinions too much weight on anything besides the boyfriend though.
No. 379432
>>379262Whoa anon, we're the same and I'm going through exactly this right now. It makes me feel like an asshole because I do genuinely like and love these people. For a while I wondered if I was schizoid but probably not since I do gain pleasure in the beginning. I can also maintain friendships in a group setting with low commitment,I just hate expectations.
Were you also alone a lot growing up? I believe my childhood conditioned me to be socially independent to a fault.
No. 379601
>>379577Doomed situation I’m sorry. Speaking from experience
To be clear you can still have a relationship (I do) but she will never become a food/ cooking person like you so you have to just let that expectation die or leave.
No. 379644
>>379577Pressuring/expecting her to eat doesn't work, nor is (unintentionally) shaming/guilt tripping her over not eating the food you made. Basically you can't do much more than being understanding. That's why I think you should focus on minimizing inconvenience around cooking and mealtimes for yourself. Maybe that means cooking only for yourself and giving her full responsibility for making her own meals, so you're not making big meals she's not going to eat anyway. Maybe you can come to an agreement where you both sit down for dinner together on a regular basis, but don't make it an expectation that she actually eats and emphasize it's about spending time together. That way you still get to have a ritual around having meals together like normal couples and she's around food in a low-pressure way. Maybe you're already doing this.
Is she in therapy? You can always ask to meet with her therapist to ask for some advice and guidance.
No. 379752
>>379577Just leave her alone. I struggled with making food because of a chronic illness and my ex partner's constant nagging and judgement over not eating well made me feel more sick.
Cook for her whenever you want but other than that just let her be. Buy her some vitamins if you want.
No. 379754
>>379753I know it's crazy, but he somehow convinced me I was wrong because I did allow it eventually. I held on to my clothes with all my strength and yelled no, that should be enough. I have no idea how he managed to convince otherwise and make me the guilty one.
I want to break up with him next time we meet, but I also want to make sense of what I've been through. I need therapy.
No. 379766
>>379751>>379754Dump him over text, do not meet up with him, do not take his phone calls, he will just manipulate you back to him.
Write down every single bad thing hes ever done to you.
When hes texting begging to try and get back with you, reread over and over the worst of what hes done. Remember how it make you feel. Leave him right now, no more excuses.
No. 379773
>>379751Nona, this is all pretty serious, especially the rape. You might want to read up on how to get out this situation, you need to get out as soon as you possibly can. I am very worried for you, please take care of yourself. Leaving a relationship like this can be dangerous, so try and find some family or friends to watch out for you while you get away. The way you worded it makes me wonder if you really realize how abnormal and
abusive this is.
No. 379873
File: 1708093881199.gif (2.65 MB, 320x240, tumblr_1fb4b217db87f9b620ddcff…)
>>379863I'm so sorry anon but also kekkkkk, boobs aside, I can't believe this wasn't drawn by a 13 year old. How did you not die of second hand embarrassment on the spot? It doesn't really matter but I want to laugh, how old is he?
No. 379885
>>379873I resisted the urge to say something mean because despite how childish this is, he's always outwardly nice to me. He's 27.
>>379875He's not mentally disabled, but he might be a bit socially stunted.
No. 379988
>>379432>I just hate expectations.Me too.
>Were you also alone a lot growing up? I believe my childhood conditioned me to be socially independent to a fault.Yeah I was alone a lot, and I didn’t talk much either as a child. I relate on the schizoid thing, I thought I had that too since I can get detached to people so quickly, but I feel emotion just fine in the beginning. I just stop caring my partners at some point. I get tired of being around them and want solitude. They don’t do anything wrong. I’ll want to be left alone and not talk for long periods, but that’s a big strain on a relationship.
No. 380028
File: 1708158727279.jpg (85.72 KB, 1000x866, DUMP HIM PLEASE PLEASE DUMP HI…)
>>379863>>379835GIRL please for the love of fucking God on high dump him immediately I'm not even trying to be funny like I am freaking out that he did this if I was you I would have blocked him immediately and never spoken to him again I'm trying so hard not to alog on him right now but this is rancid. Nonas are posting your ass on the funny screenshot thread that's how nasty that drawing is. I would do more than "hate" him I think I would learn fucking new age witchcraft just to curse him go blind and bald please dump him please I will fully cry myself to sleep tonight if you don't dump him and you have to suffer and stay with him. This is making me sick to my fucking stomach I feel so faint my blood pressure spiked when I saw that photo and your story I feel like I can't evenfucking breath right now I'm so angry for you I hate men
No. 380037
File: 1708165445558.png (470.82 KB, 700x753, 1696484363571.png)
>>379863if you don't dump him I will dump his body on a ditch
No. 380107
>>379835 here, I've calmed down now, and I don't hate him. I was just overreacting in a bad moment. I feel guilty for saying that now because he's the sweetest guy and I know he really loves me. I spoke with him today and he was listening to the Spongebob soundtrack. He might be more childish than I thought, but I'm not going to break up with him for being a simple person or for being bad at art. We ended up talking for a few hours. He might sound bad from the one cringy drawing I posted, but he's so sensitive and cute and kind too. He's been really supportive of me through some problems going on in my life and I know he really loves me.
>>379893After some nonas pointed it out, I realized he badly traced a photo of me. I guess he couldn't get my face right and gave up. But he wasn't looking up images of other women to trace or anything like that. I'm actually relieved because when he told me he got a drawing tablet I was scared he would start drawing creepy anime girls or something. At least he was thinking of me, I guess?
>>380023I know it's not a true portrait, that's what he said he had made before sending me that thing. It's also easier to hide disgust over text.
>>380003It was bad, but I still love him.
>>380028I'm sorry for upsetting you. He is not a bad guy and I am not suffering by staying with him. Be at peace, nona.
>>380053It sounds bad when you put it like that, but part of it is that it's just difficult to have a normal Valentine's day or relationship at all when it's long distance. He's planning to move to my country so hopefully it gets sorted soon and we can be a normal couple. Thank you for the concern, but he is genuinely a good person. Also I like his muscles.
No. 380108
File: 1708198940284.gif (417.01 KB, 200x200, STOP.gif)
>>380107No words. Gifrel.
No. 380112
File: 1708199530885.jpeg (61.25 KB, 609x668, B759F331-5113-4F0B-8E7E-AAAA34…)
>>380107Girl… walking it back does not make your post less harrowing, if anything the details you've added paint an even bleaker picture. There are many more pornsick scrote drawings in your future. Good luck.
No. 380113
File: 1708200093734.png (287.47 KB, 344x611, 36F11E03-11D7-426C-A4F0-4FACCE…)
>>380107>he was listening to the Spongebob soundtrackExcuse me
Draw him something for Valentine's day, too. Draw him from the neck down with a lock around his penis or something.
No. 380115
>>380107It's a traced photo of you? You mean you sent a picture of your boobs to this hooligan at some point? Nona…
Him listening to SpongeBob doesn't make him the harmless uwu manchild you hope he is. Men act childish to disguise their perversion all the time.
And it sounds like he talked you into thinking you "overreacted," which is just sad. You are
underreacting. He's 27 years old, a shitty drawing doesn't cut it for Valentine's day. He wants you to be "chained together" is such a cop-out moid lie. He's looking at disgust abuse porn behind your back and the fact that he came up with the lamest excuse ever to hide it shows that he doesn't respect your intelligence at all. DUMP HIM please I'm begging you
No. 380130
>>380107> I'm not going to break up with him for being a simple person or for being bad at artNona, this is not what it is about. That dude, who apparently loves you so much, drew a picture of your boobs with chains around it. I bet this picture doesn't even remotely look like you…I mean…It's a naked body with some hair on it, basically.
Do what you want with you life but you're gonna have a rude awakening once his "sweet" facade starts to fade more and more and don't be surprised to discover that he's porn sick. Look at the people around you who are in relationships and ask them if this is a normal and thoughtful gift. You'll see that he's messed up in the head.
No. 380141
File: 1708205717988.jpeg (44.02 KB, 500x546, IMG_2024.jpeg)
>>380107anon you do not want to date a guy whose image of you is a pair of chained up boobs. he showed you exactly who and what he is with that shit. dump him
No. 380156
File: 1708208362634.jpg (261 KB, 1536x2048, valentines.jpg)
>>380113>Draw him from the neck down with a lock around his penis or somethingKEK
I want to add that he could have done so many other sweet yet basic drawing ideas. It really does not take much to draw a bouquet of roses, or a cute cartoon of nona's favorite animal with a bow around it's neck, or to make literally any other basic yet thoughtful craft. He could have made a personalized valentines day card like picrel with a little poem inside, and that would've been better than anything he could buy at a drug store (on top of his bdsm doodle too)
No. 380189
>>380107Why was your gut reaction bad? Why have you intellectualised yourself into a position where how it made you feel doesn't matter?
At the end of the day what you do or don't do next is always going to be your choice.
The trouble I'm having is that you've managed to bury your (very justified) discomfort, right before you're planning to begin a big step in the relationship (moving to live with you). I don't think that's right, because you should be absolutely 100% certain in your heart, no doubt, that he's what you want for such a serious step as that. A lot of nonas here are going to be anti-porn (you yourself wondered whether he was pornsick) and it's not the badness of the drawing that's only called into question, it's the symbolism
>He gave me angel wings for some reason and chains because he wants to "chain us together forever".>cuts off your head in the pictureand ofc it's implied here he's saved a nude picture of you and used it as a reference, so idk how you feel about that. I would not feel comfortable with a moid saving a picture of me like that.
Are you absolutely sure he doesn't watch pornography? You can't monitor his internet usage in a LDR relationship nonna.
I'm gonna summarise my post and just say: do you know for certain that this is what you want? Forget what we think and forget what your bf thinks. Are you certain he's not pornsick (I mean you can absolutely verify it)? Are you certain you feel comfortable about him moving to live with you? Have you met him yet?
No. 380259
Is it normal to be seeing someone for a year yet not feeling "in love"? Let me preface this by saying it's long-distance, and so far we've spent roughly 2 weeks together in person total. He checks off a lot of the qualities I want in a guy, best of which I'd say is his patience, the fact that he's very honest and values hearing the blunt truth (even if it may hurt), does not have an angry bone in body, and is anti-porn (he's struggled with it in the past and has succumbed once or twice while we were talking, but generally he tries his best to avoid it). We also have similar wants, political views, perspectives, and morals. He confessed to falling in love with me recently, which is extremely flattering… however, I'm not at that point with him, and because it's been so long I wonder if it's just not meant to be. It makes me sad to think of cutting things off because I do genuinely really like him… but I don't feel those butterflies when I'm around him, and I don't feel much excitement whenever we get around to making phonecalls, streaming, etc. In person, our last visit was really nice and I felt so comfortable with him. More comfortable than I've ever felt with anyone before. I felt like I could be myself around him and be open, which I've rarely felt around others. Typing that even makes me tear up. He really does mean a lot to me. But because I'm not feeling any love there, should I drop it? Or keep chatting in the hopes that things will change? He's willing to move closer to me just to make things easier between us but it doesn't feel right to have him uproot his life just for wishy-washy me. Is this hopeless? Am I fooling myself into thinking more time will change things?
Another thing I'd like to add is that my ex has been reaching out to me sporadically over the past couple of months - at first cordially catching-up and then recently confessed to loving me as well despite knowing I'm seeing someone. It's been messing with me emotionally and actually interfered with my last meet up. The guy I'm talking to is aware of the situation and isn't intimidated, but I do think it's been interfering with my discernment about me/current guy and is making me lose focus on that with this stupid drama.
No. 380279
>>380107STOP DATING MAN CHILDREN
IT DOESN'T MATTER HE IS SWEET THIS IS THE BARE MINIMUM BEING SUPPORTIVE IS THE BARE MINIMUM
STOP
DATING
MANCHILDREN
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
No. 380368
File: 1708300510359.jpg (36.6 KB, 500x500, fade.jpg)
A cute guy asked for my number earlier, at work. he told me he is a trucker though. I hope he isn't married or a murderer. When he told me what he does for a living, my heart sank a little. When I think of truckers, I usually think of greyhair from the Shayna thread. But this guy wasn't an old hillbilly. He was a tall, dark and handsome Indian guy with a moderate normie style. I"m such a sucker for guys with this kind of hair plus he's talll and for once a guy at work hit on me that is also my age (and cutee)
Nonas do you think should stop talking to this man because of his career? He's soo hot and his name is exotic but also he might see lot lizards and piss in gallons that get left on the road…
No. 380370
>>380302You underestimate how good men are at playing the pity/
victim card and guilting women into staying with them. Probably around 70% of women I know dont genuinely love their husband or bf or feel attracted to him. Or maybe they think they love him but they really don’t and it’s just a situation where they’ve been together for so long that theyve bonded and now can’t imagine life being apart from this person. But that’s still not really love, it’s more just codependency and being scared of dying alone.
No. 380400
>>380393keep this person away from you and your newborn. troons are tragedies waiting to happen and I can guarantee that she won't be a positive influence on your baby (she instantly turned the news of you being pregnant into her problem)
Someone mentioned before but it is not your fault to set up boundaries with family members who are
toxic.
No. 380454
File: 1708363040962.png (25.64 KB, 642x705, feelsguy.png)
I feel like he's taking me for granted. He never follows through with plans, even his own unless they don't cost money and result in sex. He doesn't involve me in his life anymore, I didn't even know he was free from school until my mom brought it up. Is there even hope once a moid starts thinking about you like this? I feel like an unwanted side job.
No. 380589
>>380581>he never leaves our apartment so i can't just disappear one day either sadly.Damn that's a tough one. Leave while he is asleep. Take only what you really need (important documents, your pets) and forget about the rest. Or maybe you can get some essentials out first without him noticing and then take the pets "to the vet" one day so he doesn't suspect. Line up a new place now without him knowing. End the lease after you're gone, leave him to scramble for a new place or pay rent on his own (not out of cruelty, I'm just saying it's not your problem). Tell the landlord what's going on AFTER you have left when you are closing the lease; maybe when you're boyfriend has to go mooch on someone else you can swoop in and get your stuff (landlords don't like to deal with moving others people's shit anyway, they'll probably call you to do it once he's gone.)
Do some practical planning at this stage and do not tell your boyfriend anything. Make sure you're not sharing passwords or accounts or at least that you can disentangle the accounts yourself after you're gone. You can do it.
No. 380591
>>380589thank you for the advice
nonnie, i didn't think about the vet thing before but that would work since i'm the only one who ever takes them anyway, it wouldn't be out the ordinary.
i think i could maybe rent a storage unit and put some things away there inconspicuously. but i am slowly warming up to the idea of only taking the absolute bare essentials and letting him keep the rest. there's a lot of things i'm really attached to but ultimately it's a small price to pay to keep me and my pets safe.
and while i have access to all of his accounts (because he won't even bother to learn how to pay his own bills or anything), thankfully he has never cared enough to get access to any of mine.
No. 380647
>>380581You initiating a break up is going to make him feel even weaker than he is now. You leaving would be the best plan because he can't afford to move out as fast as you can because you have the financial benefit. Do let your landlord know once you leave, pay your half in lease termination, etc. You can do this all cleanly. I left my ex of 6 years 2 years ago and skipped to the other side of the country. It took me only 2½ hours to pack all my essentials into my car and skedaddle. Spring is coming so spring cleaning and decluttering is not out of the ordinary to hear as a way to start packing some things. Furniture can stay behind, but do bring a small foldable table if you have one or thrift one. Buy sifting cat litter and a biodegradable cat pan and put it in the back under the passenger seat. Fill your cup holders with dry cat and dog food, buy a disposable bread pan or something tall and small to hold water for your pets, that's if youre planning to drive for a while. Good luck
nonnie.
No. 380800
The man I started dating recently said that I made him feel like he wants to be a better person for himself, and as a result, for me, and that he never felt this way in his life and that I overall inspire him. God I never dated and I feel very overhelmed by this, but it makes me happy, but my autistic brain can't make up an answer now. What should I say? It's a stupid question because I will finally make up a reply to this massage anyway, like I should, but I needed a place to post this. I remember that at first he said he didn't feel good enough for me and he didn't feel worthy of me, and then after 2 weeks and a few 7-hour long conversations, dates and a whole night of texting he said this, that he wants to be better because of me.
No. 380848
>>380837>>380813I mean he already quit smoking and made important decisions regarding his work, that's already something, not just words
And he seems more confident with me that he was 2 weeks ago
No. 381067
>>380916It's going to vary MASSIVELY from person to person. I'm an autist myself and thought I'd never ever date anyone who's an autist because we'd just be a dysfunctional mess. But I'm dating one now who's my age and I lucked out so hard. Turns out we struggle with the opposite areas so we cover for each other weaknesses really well. He's good looking but just socially awkward enough that it made other girls never want to date him, so as a result I'm his first real love and he spoils me and treats me like a princess. He can't believe someone as good as me loves him back kek and he's expressed making sure I'm always happy so I never leave him, partly because dating was hell for him and he never wants to go back to it. He has no problem with my own nerdy/childish interests and cheers me on doing what I love. He does it so pure-heartedely too, like he'll happily show/tell his family about the cute franchise plush I bought and I stand there embarrassed as fuck because I wanted them to think I'm a functional adult not obsessed with cute toys but he's so proud of me and doesn't care lmao
His family raised him exactly how they should have, they have a great relationship and support him with his issues but at the same time didn't coddle him while growing up so he knows the correct ways to behave. They don't seem autistic at all from what I can tell and are very practical people too, which is a relief because it means we can rely on them.
But just to contrast it, I've had a male autist friend who was a complete loser who ended up becoming my stalker. This guy hates his entire family for his brother abusing him (after hearing what he thinks abuse is: doubt it) but still lets his mom come over to his one room apartment to clean, do his laundry and bring him food. He has no job nor does he want one, doesn't care about money because "other things are more important", spends all his days (nights really) gaming in the dark and streaming on twitch, is chronically depressed, can't drive or even ride a bike, sexually harassed his only real female friends (me, and he accidentally admitted to having done similarly to another female friend) while insisiting male troons are the realest most oppressed women (because he has troon gaming friends), also identifies as an enby, and basically thinks he is the most intellectual person who ever lived while also being self-hating as all fuck. As a friend I tried REALLY hard to help him overcome some things but he truly didn't even put in the effort, always having some excuse. He's now over 30 and I fully believe he will die alone (unless he changes, which I'ms sure he won't).
TLDR; Just from knowing an autist it honestly quickly becomes clear who is or isn't fine to date.
No. 381105
I know that I’m stupid. I did online-dating because I lived in a very small town and was also a shut-in. I met a guy that lived a few hours away and we had a long-distance relationship for a year before moving in together last week. I moved away from home and into an apartment with him 6 hours away. He’s sweet and isn’t pornsick (which is big when I date a guy), however, I’ve noticed growing resentment towards him as we’ve lived together, and there’s things I didn’t know about him before living together.
>I’m a bit of a clean freak and have higher standards than he does.
>He cleans dishes on one side of the sink, then puts them on the other side of the sink. I told him they would still be dirty, he says it’s how his mom does it. I redo these “clean” dishes and when I reach the bottom, there was dirty water accumulated on this supposedly “clean” side.
>Leaves empty water bottles on the ground. I told him to pick up after himself and he whines “don’t torture me”. He swears that he was “gonna get them later” but there were two bottles that had been sitting there since the night before.
>I think he’s undiagnosed autistic. He’s not the most emotionally intelligent (which we’ve fought about before) and doesn’t talk a lot (and that’s saying a lot since I’m usually the introvert). I’ve also noticed he has these really weird “quirks”, like only eating out of bowls (even a damn cupcake that’s already wrapped) and taking 20+ vitamins because he thinks it helps him.
>He cleaned his bird’s cage and literally didn’t wash his hands before touching my hair. I’ve noticed twice I’ve had to ask if he’s washed his hands.
>He ate a small-sized cake that my mom gifted with the intent for both of us to eat. I was rightfully upset that he ate the whole thing himself, but said I should’ve “handled it better” (he says this a lot when I bring up complaints). He tried to make it up to me by buying me a bunch of other red velvet cakes, which is sweet I guess, but that selfishness left a bad taste in my mouth.
>I’ve still been organizing and when he got home, I asked if he noticed anything different in the bedroom. I put away a lot of things and set up my jewelry stand and perfume. He is literally struggling to see anything and says “what is it, I don’t see anything”. He asks me for hints and I don’t give any because it’s obvious and I shouldn’t need to help. He never catches on and I’m baffled. Later, he argues that “he was just tired and totally did notice”. Then argues me asking “is anything different” was too much and that I should’ve said “does the place look nice”.
>Yells and swears in his sleep. “Fucking faggot”, “fuck you”, etc. He says it’s because he has nightmares. The first two nights it made me anxious as hell. He started taking some sleep gummies which helped lessen the frequency, but every few nights I’ll wake up to him yelling.
He’s a nice and mostly attractive guy. He likes spoiling me with gifts, he cooks, is attracted to me, and doesn’t watch porn. But that’s all he is. He’s just nice. He’s not a good conversationalist, he’s dense, and everything else he does annoys me. This lease lasts for 6 months and I don’t know what to do. I know I should let him go. But I don’t think I’m going to date or meet someone ever again after this. He was nice and yet, has these annoying things about him that I couldn’t stand. I’m also not looking forward to telling my mother that it didn’t work out. I also don’t really want to live with my parents again, I was glad to leave home (it was a very dirty hoarder’s house with no space, so I was kind of glad to move to an apartment that I can control the cleanliness of), but I know I would likely have to because I couldn’t afford a place of my own. I hate that I wasted everyone’s time and money.
No. 381302
File: 1708721354836.jpeg (229.33 KB, 637x850, 1701254830205.jpeg)
I've only been with my nigel for 4 weeks and he
>cooks for me and brings me dinner to work
>dropped smoking cigarettes for me
>went to the opposite part of the city to bring me medicine at 11 pm
>reads a lot about autism bc I'm autistic
>he also has cute ideas, he knows how to sew clothes and he wants me to give him some of my clothing that I know I won't wear anymore and he wants to make a plushie out of it, he also wants to restore my old childhood plushie that already falls apart
Please don't fuck this up nigel
No. 381304
>>381189>I noticed I became way more resentful and frustrated when I was with a moid I wasn’t strongly attracted to and doing household stuff for him, meanwhile when I had a bf that I was crazy about and strongly attracted to, I didn’t mind doing domestic chores for him so much.He has an attractive face (when he isn’t scrunching it weirdly kek), but he could lose some more weight. I feel like my attraction towards him has really plummeted since getting to know more of his habits. He’s messy and clueless. And he’s actually a millennial, but he was very coddled by his mom. Maybe this will be some phase that passes once he learns, I don’t know. I already feel some resentment bubbling and lesser attraction though.
>>381113Yeah it may be best to wait it out, then move into my own place alone when I’m financially stable enough. I don’t know if I can live with him long-term. I’m gonna give it more time because maybe this is just a bump in the road (and I’m stuck anyways). Although there was a very short period in my life where I lived with an ex while going to college, and I didn’t have this much frustration. But he also wasn’t retarded.
No. 381307
>>381105Men don't notice "small" changes in places, furniture or even our looks. That's just how they are. Even the sweetest, most attentive guy probably won't notice lots of changes unless you explicitly point them out to him.
>he says it’s how his mom does it>"don't torture me"You need to remind him that you're not his mommy. I mean you shouldn't even have to remind this manchild that you're not his parent, but oh well. Next time he says something like this or complain say "yeah but what's how
I do it, and we need to keep this place clean".
>He cleaned his bird’s cage and literally didn’t wash his hands before touching my hair. I’ve noticed twice I’ve had to ask if he’s washed his hands. Disgusting. I doubt he will change. I've met many clean men but I don't think most gross men can become clean as adults. Make sure he understands you care about cleanliness. Make a big deal out of not being touched or kissed when he isn't clean. He may think you're overreacting but who cares? He should be hygienic.
>yells and swears in his sleepNever had to stop anyone from swearing and yelling but if someone is speaking in their sleep, speaking to them in a gentle voice helps sometimes (shhh, it's time to sleep). Always worked for me.
I understand how finding a non pornsick moid is rare (but frankly that should be the bare minimum) so I understand not wanting to let go, especially in your situation. Good luck.
No. 381346
Some things just keep gnawing at me in my relationship. I met my boyfriend online while I was in a very alternative gothic phase. He's super sweet, but having been with him for 2 years (we're both still in college) I'm starting to feel quite run down and tired with some of his behaviours.
>Had a very bad past due to being bipolar, told me he's been abused by past girlfriends for sex and that he's the happiest he's ever been with me.
>Very shy and almost resentful when I socialise with others if we're going to an event together. At my housewarming with other college friends, he locked himself in my room and I felt fucking miserable, feeling like I had to check in on him instead of being with my friends. My friends were wholly unimpressed with him, as he didn't come out of my room at all.
>I'm starting to feel like I can't do anything like go to clubs or festivals, as I don't want to trigger a depressive stage
>Has attempted twice whilst I've been with him. I just feel fucking empty and exhausted now whenever we're talking about emotions. I think this is really affecting my capacity to have positive experiences with him, as it feels like walking on eggshells to avoid triggering this behavior.
>We were on a backpacking trip recently due for a month, and he left after 3 days because he was feeling suicidal. I was so fucking tired, and travel is incredibly important to me, so I continued the trip myself. He sought help and is vigilantly pursuing psychiatric support and medication.
>His friends are very awkward.He's studying film and wants to become a cinematographer, but I'm aware how ruthless the film industry is to break into. I really admired him for his passion and creativity initially, but it's greatly become a double-edged sword. Whenever he's with his friends, they talk endlessly about film. I often feel excluded and it's hypocritical, but I don't say anything as I really crave being around other people.
I really am uncertain. It's easy for me to note faults, but part of why I stay is because we both really struggled with mental health, and I can get depressed quite easily. However, I really don't want it to be the 'why' of our relationship. As I'm graduating soon, I've always thought about leaving the country I'm in to start working overseas. This isn't new, and it's a thought I had since before meeting him. He likes getting me gifts, doing tasks for me, but… that's just it. He's good, but not great. Coming to the end of college, it feels so uncertain. I think that's why I've been with him for so long, as I really detest feeling like I'm alone.
No. 381453
File: 1708782536416.png (21.4 KB, 474x268, th-3649997510.png)
>>381346>abused by past girlfriends for sexMegakek
>resentful when you talk to othersRed flag
>locking himself in your roomCrimson flag
>tries killing himself when he's with youBut he's the happiest he's ever been?
He sounds exhausting. No way were his previous girlfriends
abusive to him. They probably were like you and wanted to socialize and were okay with leaving him behind if he wanted to hide away so badly. That isn't
abusive. Get rid of this moid. If he kills himself that's one less moid. Win-win situation.
No. 381557
>>381555>I feel anxious any time I do anything that could hurt him or upset him.That's a really good reason to break up with someone. Do not stay with him. That is not a feeling you should tolerate. That is an instant "I'm out" situation. Don't wait for it to get worse from here because it does get worse.
>Should I just break up with him? Yes.
No. 381571
>>381438>>381457That's a major consideration of mine. It's really important to me to be independent financially, and I'm applying to a lot of graduate jobs to hopefully start once I graduate.
>>381453Thanks nonna. It's my first real relationship, so I'm not accustomed to what is supposed to be ideal. I think the reason I stay so long is because I've based a lot of my self worth on having a bf(incredibly
toxic), and am waiting to graduate so I can girlboss(kek). Idk if it's a delusion to tell myself 'oh it's good for the college phase of my life'.
No. 381741
I had a 4 hour long conversation with my boyfriend last night. I feel like there's huge miscommunication issues with us because he's getting the notion I want him to drop everything he's doing right then and there. This is since January of him coming home being warn out where whenever we see each other, he can barely think because he's so overworked, when we're out with friends he's glaring into the distance, a bunch of sighing and saying he's depressed and then telling me how much the line of work he does sucks, but it's necessary for him to do so he can pay bills and rent and not sell his soul out and not do weekends. I don't know what else to do when he says all this work he does eventually goes nowhere and it's unstable, on top of seeing how he can barely function when he's out of work and him saying how the field he works in is so corrupt and broken and doesn't appreciate the education he went through and pays like shit, other than to tell him, "Babe, maybe you should consider doing something else in the meantime." And he views it as me telling him he's at fault for continuing to work in his field and he needs to drop everything right now. He'll repeat to me that I wouldn't truly understand unless I was in his shoes. I certainly wouldn't want to be in his shoes because I've been in a similar enough position before where I would dread hearing my phone ringing, I couldn't have a social life, I would escape this living hell as soon as I could and that's what I did. I'm not trying to say that he's at fault at all and that he's not trying to better his life, but I honestly don't know what else to say. And I tried to ask him how could I be saying it better, but he said he has no idea. It's like his work is this bad, I can't hold a conversation of my concern with him. I eventually got it to him by saying how I used to take him saying how everything is expensive and I misunderstood it as him saying I don't want us to spend money on anything at all and he seemed to be able to understand where I was coming from. Like obviously I'm not going to try to say "Wow baby that sucks, maybe you should suck it up and pull yourselves up by the bootstraps, people are dying all over the world, you should be grateful that you at least have work" it sounds so insensitive and completely dismissive to his feelings. I don't know. I apologized for not being able to communicate in a way he wouldn't take offense at my own words, but now I question how he'll take my own words in the future. I just hope this next coming year this doesn't haopen again. I can't fucking take this, I hate seeing him being like a zombie from work. Him acting like I'm just supposed to be okay that him being worn out is nothing to worry about, like of course I'd expect him to be worn out given what he's doing, but am I supposed to suck it up and be okay seeing him this way?