That's awesome, congrats anon! Better late than never and I'm sure you'll have a ton of fun. I get caught up in my head sometimes too so I get it. Way to take charge and open things up with him! >>143628
It's a simple answer that's depressingly tough to apply. You should be selfish and do whatever you want while making him do things to satisfy you. Of course, women are socialized to be more docile, obedient, giving, to minimize our desires. So it's easy to not even know what you like or get caught up in this idea that you're still playing a part for him.
I would keep in mind that just because something is typically mentioned as a femdom thing doesn't mean it has to be your thing. Sometimes I bust out the 6" heels and dominatrix gear because it makes me feel like a sexy fantasy war goddess, but more often I want to chill in my sweats and have him give me a foot rub.
I think it helps to set expectations. So telling your partner, "You might not get off but I want this time to be about me," helps to prevent anyone from feeling cheated while giving you more freedom. It can feel strange to focus on yourself, so just keep in mind that someone who actually wants to be sub for you should be okay with (and even enjoy) delayed or no gratification. I personally don't live the "lifestyle" nor do I always have freaky BDSM sex, so I feel less guilty about having dom "sessions" centered on me when the other half of the time we balance our wants or do something else he's craving. Sometimes I just want simple, loving sex too!
Anyway fuck the "reading material," focus on/find activities that turn you on personally and tell your partner to do those things. If he's a good boy he'll do them without whining, otherwise he's either a brat (can be fun to punish) or a boring shitwad that just wants to bang a basic bitch in leather.