I am a "manly" female. I was a tomboy growing up. When I was a child I hated wearing dresses, I always felt stupid or that I would be ridiculed for wearing them. In elementary school I insisted on wearing "boys" clothes, even boxer shorts, and my parents went along with it. In middle and high school I wore pretty "gender neutral" clothing, but I was heavily into the punk scene so it was still strange clothing by average standards.58 posts and 8 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.
Now I'm an adult and I've tried to ignore my past and embrace femininity.
I dress pretty basic, just jeans and shirts.
I am struggling as an adult female though. I have no female friends and I don't know how to make any. I have not had any since I was a child, and back then it was forced friendship and not genuine. I have not even had a single friend for many years. The only "friends" I make that I can be myself around, are men who either want to be in a relationship with me (but I refuse, so the friendship dissolves), or men who I enter a relationship with (but I am never happy in).
I feel like I can only relate to men, but I cannot be friends with men, because men only want to fuck women.
I feel like friendships between women are not and will never be as deep or meaningful as friendships between men. I understand that this is something I will never experience, and it fucking hurts me so much.
I feel I am experiencing gender dysphoria, however I will absolutely never transition or put it out in the open.
I just don't understand what is happening in my mind, but I feel like there may be some kind of childhood trauma that I cannot trace.
Can anyone offer any help as to why I feel this way, or should I go straight to a psychiatrist? I am now 28, and I am in so much emotional pain. I feel my biological clock ticking away and I don't know where to even start with my problems.
This is just me, but I have makeup and dyed hair (incl. theater, halloween, and beauty purposes) heavily associated with bad odor. Not as in BO, but as in chemical and artificial. I can barely scroll through /snow/ and /w/ while eating.>>131030
If you think of it this way, if you define feminimity as make-up and fashion, then it's easily appropriated by drag queens and stage performers who also wear make-up and feminine fashion. Or any man that's a make-up artist. Except obviously, they're not any less men than they were before, for having used makeup. It's a consumer product for an industry.