I don't know if I fit into this thread because I don't feel any kind of arousal from pornography. I just feel like I'm dissociating, or like I'm an autistic fucking bot. After it happens, I feel empty and regretful about the time I've lost. This doesn't happen every day or anything, but it feels like an addiction.
Usually, I see someone here, Twitter or elsewhere mention something or someone in the context of internet drama, so I look it up out of morbid curiosity, then end up in a rabbit hole of loosely related, but still morbid individuals and communities. It's almost never "milky", just fucked up, weird or sad. There is literally no pay-off to any of this other than "knowing" of obscure fetishes and fetish communities, or how certain kinds of reprobates hide and advertise their shit. My mind takes in everything I'm seeing and goes "This is a fetish that exists, remember that. This is what enthusiasts say about it, and there are people who pay money for it. Looking at this profile, this person's been active and talking about this since 2012. On further inspection, this other person they've subscribed to has been around since at least 2009 and is posting the same photos with the same gimmick. Weird. Google their username. This is their Flickr account. Here is their YouTube channel. They are from the UK. These videos must have been taken in the late 90s. The person in this other video that that person left a positive comment on has clearly done something evil, "censored" or not, but you have no way of reporting them to the proper authorities because you don't know their name or where they even are, and you probably lack hard enough proof of your assertions for them to investigate. Your only choice is to report their content to the site itself, and hope the staff report them to the authorities (you already know they probably won't, they'll just delete it). The person that uploaded it, even if banned, will almost certainly come back and reupload it, maybe with more censorship to get past filters so they can advertise this sort of content to others, but all you can do is report, pray that all these creators and 'fans' get caught and/or die painfully and try to put the whole thing out of your". If I pull away without following this routine of digging and reporting, it stays in my mind and I feel guilty for not even doing the bare minimum of "finding out". Sometimes, days or even months later, I remember the shit I've learned and feel both miserable and anx
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