My Dad was in the Navy so he wasn't around much growing up. My Mom was almost like a single mother in a lot of ways. She was the one who made food for my sister and I, the one who got us ready for school, who did fun things with us, who disciplined us and was our shoulder to cry on. I started dealing with mental health issues around age 8 and she was the one who got me help and participated in my treatment, something my father has never done. When he came home from being out to sea and tried to assert his authority I almost always felt like "Who are you to tell me what to do? You aren't even around."
When he was around he yelled, cursed, sometimes mocked or criticized me and I remember him punching a hole in my door once. So naturally I didn't like to be around him much. I learned to be quiet and stay out of his way. To this day he's very emotionally immature and seems to have no awareness of his pathology or his impact on others. He blames others, makes hurtful little comments when he feels defensive, and rarely ever acknowledges my accomplishments.
I always felt really jealous of girls who had close, loving relationships with their fathers. I think it's a source of a lot of my mental health issues now. It really hurts to feel abandoned by and like you can never be good enough for the one man in your life who is supposed to love you unconditionally.
I will say that he's not all bad. He's very intelligent in his field, he's funny, and I enjoy doing stuff with him on occasion like going to the movies. But I recently moved out and I can't tell you what a relief it is to be able to relax in my own home and not worry about jumping out of my skin because he's started yelling about something silly.