/g/ - girl talk

It's been over a year now and the divorce has been finalized and I'm still not over him. I feel like life won't ever be as comfortable, safe and cozy without him there to support and provide for me. Everyone says I'll find someone better but the realist in me feels like that's highly unlikely. Dating apps are so taxing and repetitive. My experience meeting him was happenstance but felt like destiny because of a neat coincidence that his grandparents lived across the street from me and we never interacted until we met through friends at Magfest in 2015. Being a military spouse suited me so well although we never got stationed anywhere interesting. Pretty much all of my friends were where we lived together and I had to move back to my home state to be close to my mom as my mental health is very bad. I basically have one or two friends in this area so I'm pretty lonely when I'm not visiting with my mom. I lucked out and was able to secure my own little house but I still struggle taking care of myself and I recently lost my Tricare insurance. I doordash for my income and seem to be making just enough to get by. I had a pretty secure job housekeeping at a nursing home but I screwed it up and got fired for calling out too many times masquerading depression with "stomach flu" and "visual migraines"
I have major depression disorder and am just barely keeping my head above water every day. When I'm not dashing I either sleep for 12-14 hours or doomscroll and have little motivation to do the things I enjoy like video games, yoga, making art. All I really wanted in life was the life I had with him, and more recently to be a mother. I'm 34 so I feel scared that I'll never get my chance to experience motherhood. My other goal in life is to be a tattoo artist, which I've started a portfolio but haven't been motivated to work on it much…the depression zaps any motivation and inspiration I have to work on it more despite being on the maximum dosage for zoloft. Suicide comes to my mind a lot lately and the few things keeping me from it are my kitten I adopted when I moved into my place last summer and my mom (who already lost my dad to suicide in 2008) and my best friends (one of which is stationed in Italy with her husband) Along with zoloft I'm on 15mg of Olanzapine because I had a severe manic episode in the summer of 2023 triggered by the divorce. I posted in the last thread a few times so maybe some of you remember me as the nona that went to jail. I finished the behavioral health docket and my charge will be dismissed with my final court date on the 11th of next month. Once that day is settled I'll be free to partake in marijuana and get my medical card which will make things significantly less depressing so that's one of the small things also keeping me going. It's still so hard though, I think about him and what we had and could have had together every day. I try to remind myself of the negatives about our relationship like his cheating and mood swings that often had me walking on eggshells around him, but I still feel that I love him. The divorce really took me by surprise as I thought things were going so well but apparently not. I try to put on a positive face for my mom and my friends but when I'm alone I know I'm not taking care of myself properly or doing the bare minimum to get through each day. It could be worse though I guess…I could be Shayna lmfao

thanks for making a new thread nona

>>445688
Average military wife experience, please never settle for one ever again, you'll realize how much it's not worth it.

this person has me so fucked up, never in my life thought i would feel like this and it makes me feel so pathetic. i feel like being cheated on by someone who convinced me to fall in love with them despite my hesitancy, has ruined my life. my other ex cheated and it didn't hurt the same as this. why did he convince me i should trust him just to destroy me like this? i feel like i will never get over this and that I'm ruined for relationships now because I will never be able to trust. the fact that it's been this long and it still hurts as much as the first day i found out. the fact that they appear remorseful and beg me to stay is not helping things. It feels so unfair. I'm so confused and heartbroken.

>>445688
I'm sorry nona. Divorce is very hard. Mourning the future you thought was set in stone, feels like grieving a loss, but no one around you gets it because no one died. Do you have friends or anyone for support that you don't have to put on a positive face for? Going to therapy also helped me when I went through my divorce but finding the right match can be hit or miss.

>>445695
Yeah they always joke about how so many couples divorce when ones in the military and I never thought it would happen with us but here I am.

>>445697
I have a therapist and she's helped a little bit and I try to be honest about how I am doing when I talk to my friends and my mom but I'm definitely masking how low I really feel to not worry them. I really don't want to return to an inpatient facility and don't really think they would be able to help me much as it really is just going through the grieving process. Posting here on occasion helps me out because of anonymity, I feel like I can be more honest with myself in my vents. I redownload the finch app and started a new bird (didn't think to backup my old one) so hoping it'll help me feel more accountable and productive. I really want to start doing yoga and drinking coffee in the mornings like I use to when I was married but every day I end up sleeping in until it's time to do some doordashing. I have an appointment with my psychiatrist next week and I'm going to see if he can adjust my meds for me.

He broke up with me yesterday. I have nothing now

My ex is so confusing. Leave me alone.

My ex was perfect until I realized he was a psycho narc using and abusing me. I have so much grief. The reality warp / cognitive dissonance is unreal. I had absolute faith in him until I woke up to this nightmare reality. Letting go and healing is incredibly hard. The trauma bond withdrawal is truly painful. Still, I know in the long run, I'm grateful to be detoxing from him. I hear it gets better after 90 days no contact…

From what I have heard through the grapevine my ex is beginning to spiral and is going through major depression now. Starting the cycle that he was in before we got together. Any attempt he will make to fix it is pointless since he will never seek the actual help and self-reflection he needs to improve his life. Even if he attempts to start a new relationship as a bandaid it will ultimately fail in the long run, both because no one will ever compare to me, and because he has never done the necessary work to solve the root of his problem. Which is himself. So happy for him, I hope he rots.

I’ve been in a relationship with the same man for 16 years and now (not married) I’m starting to contemplate ending it. We’ve been together since I was 19, and I haven’t lived on my own since I was 20, and we own a house together, so I’m not sure where I would go or live if we broke up. Honestly if we break up I’d just let him keep the house and I’d probably want to rent somewhere, or maybe live with a relative for a little bit. To complicate things, my boyfriend and I work in the same place - same building, same company, different departments and different floors. So I’d also want to quit my job (I’m not crazy about my job to begin with, but then I’d lose my health insurance). And I feel bad - like me quitting and breaking up with him would probably make him feel weird at his job, or be looked down on.

The main reasons I’m thinking of breaking up is because we don’t really have sex anymore and he works all the time and neglects his physical/mental health. He’s very nice to me otherwise. Idk what to do - blow my whole life up and just end it, wait it out for a while and not tell him how I’m feeling, idk. The main thing that’s holding me back from saying anything is I don’t want to hurt his feelings, but I’m making myself unhappy by doing so. Is it bad if I’m considering ruining my nice stable life just because I want to ho it up and be a single party girl?

just got out of a toxic relationship.
The guy wasn't a bad person overall, but he'd constantly use his anxiety and depression to never meet any milestones in our relationship. Whenever i brought up something basic, like wanting to meet up, he'd freak tf out and gaslight me to make it seem like i was asking too much. It was to a point where we'd have a cycle where everything was going well and then we'd have a big argument at least once a month.
I feel bad for leaving so suddenly with just a text but i couldnt take it anymore, i felt my self esteem crash everytime i talked to him.

>>448674
>16 years
>not married
if you want to be married then you're truly wasting your time with this guy thats keeping you around for, whats most likely, convenience.
If you just want sex, maybe try asking him if you can find it outside of the relationship with other people? Communicate those issues with him and see what he says, his answer will determine what you should do next.
Don't stay unhappy when you don't need to.

>>446008
I finally let him go for the new year. Also he got hot after gaining weight. Even though he looks good, I feel bad for whoever is next. Good luck, future woman. I wish I could warn you.

I broke no contact after 9 months because I felt confused and lonely and scared of being forgotten even though I ended it. I'm selfish and destructive and I'm so cripplingly embarrassed and annoyed that I can't love myself unless somebody else wants me.

>>455735
Big, big mistake. When someone gets removed from your life, it's best not to try and bring them back. It especially applies to scrotes, who will treat you even worse (because they think u came crawling back).

>>456044
what do I do now? I take it I just cease all contact again?

>>456347
Thats for the best nona.

>>448674
honestly not worth blowing everything into flames.. you'll regret it
tell him how you feel and figure it out with him.