we met in my junior year in high school, in an art class. we bonded over our fujo interests and general otaku-lite bullshit. she was in a grade lower than i was, so when i graduated i didn't see her for a while. we reconnected at our local college a couple of years later and things were pretty good.
but then some shit happened and i was in a pretty bad place for a while over family stuff–ended up a NEET for a few years, with extreme anxiety and depression and all that good stuff–and while i wasted away in my room, she was around to play games with and to talk. sometimes we'd sit on the phone for hours talking fandom or just sitting in the company of each other while we did our own thing.
the thing about those calls with her, though, was she only ever really called me when she was going through something. she came to me when she wanted a distraction from her problems, and i was more than happy to oblige since i was pretty alone for much of my day to day life and she was my best friend. looking back, it really wore me out, playing the feel-good friend when i was so miserable myself, but i managed somehow. eventually, i would get involved with a few of her friends through voice chat in a game we all played together. you know, trying to get along with people. even joined their clan so it was easier to communicate. but then she started acting jealous. okay, i'll just stop talking to them as much. or at all. you know what, i'll just play offline so i don't get in anyone's way. and then–oh, your family is doing that thing again where they upset you? let me sit on the phone for two hours while i talk you through it. your job sucks and you need to vent? sure, i have nothing but time even though you didn't text ahead first and i for once have stuff i need to do.
years go by with this constant on and off of her needing me and not. not really giving a shit about me or my problems or even really bothering to listen to anything outside of the words of encouragement for herself. eventually, my family stuff changed around a little and i started working again last year. i moved out to a shitty little apartment of my own and work started taking up my time. i went no-contact for a while because i'm busy and i'm too physically exhausted to deal with another emotional tirade of neediness. we texted on and off, but by this point, we hadn't talked on the phone for some time. then she called me in the middle of work–who the fuckPost too long. Click here to view the full text.