So i've been a loner for the past few years, mostly did a 180 from constantly being around friends, out the house, meeting people to cutting most people off. History of mh issues but I was and still am not a shy person, never had problems making friends, getting along with people, initiating a new friendship. This has basically been born out of a reaction to trauma and then me feeling more and more comfortable in isolation. I think in some ways its been a positive. I was somewhat a people pleaser so in that respect, learning to say no and establish my boundaries has been aided by being a loner.
I have/had a few friends over this period of isolation, but still very much have my walls up, not really trusting anyone and kind of at the point i just want to let them go. I feel awful on one hand, and on another I feel like it's the best thing to do. I've been someone that has needed to change, evolve and improve myself and part of that is accepting that a parting of ways is natural and okay. Like we're just heading in a different direction, and I'll always have so many good memories. I don't personally see a problem with that mindset but most everyone around me does so idk. I don't feel too bad most of the time but like other nonnies have said, holidays really highlight how alone I am.