I am a "manly" female. I was a tomboy growing up. When I was a child I hated wearing dresses, I always felt stupid or that I would be ridiculed for wearing them. In elementary school I insisted on wearing "boys" clothes, even boxer shorts, and my parents went along with it. In middle and high school I wore pretty "gender neutral" clothing, but I was heavily into the punk scene so it was still strange clothing by average standards.25 posts and 4 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.
Now I'm an adult and I've tried to ignore my past and embrace femininity.
I dress pretty basic, just jeans and shirts.
I am struggling as an adult female though. I have no female friends and I don't know how to make any. I have not had any since I was a child, and back then it was forced friendship and not genuine. I have not even had a single friend for many years. The only "friends" I make that I can be myself around, are men who either want to be in a relationship with me (but I refuse, so the friendship dissolves), or men who I enter a relationship with (but I am never happy in).
I feel like I can only relate to men, but I cannot be friends with men, because men only want to fuck women.
I feel like friendships between women are not and will never be as deep or meaningful as friendships between men. I understand that this is something I will never experience, and it fucking hurts me so much.
I feel I am experiencing gender dysphoria, however I will absolutely never transition or put it out in the open.
I just don't understand what is happening in my mind, but I feel like there may be some kind of childhood trauma that I cannot trace.
Can anyone offer any help as to why I feel this way, or should I go straight to a psychiatrist? I am now 28, and I am in so much emotional pain. I feel my biological clock ticking away and I don't know where to even start with my problems.
There's nothing wrong with being a tomboy, I'm so scared about what this current TRA stuffis doing to girls like yourself. I think it's also really important to know people of all different types, so that you don't think that there's something wrong with yourself for being a certain way.
I know a woman who is overall quite chunky but strong, her hair is always just messily shoved into a ponytail, she never wears makeup. But she has such a confident and outgoing personality so it's obvious that she just doesn't care about her appearance, she is always talking about work or hikes or something cool she experienced. When I met her I just expected from all this that she was gay or some kind of solitary woman going her own way. I felt like a jerk when I found out that she has a sweet husband and a girly daughter that she carefully braids the hair of. I had never met a woman like that before and so I had just put my basic expectations onto her.
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>>111394>I don't think it's internalized misogyny, my best friends all throughout school were more women than men.
It isn't internalized misogyny to simply like what you gravitate towards, it would different if you avoided "femininity" purely out of its association with women though.
Neither makes you any more or less a women. It denies the ontological nature of a woman if you have to try to be that thing.