>>455659This is exactly how my abuser operated too.
My crying was just attempts to guilt trip him. My wanting to spend time with him was just attempts to isolate him. My wondering where the man I first met just attempts to idealize him. My confrontations on his inconsistent behaviors and words were just attempts to gaslight him. So on and so forth. In the end, everything had to go his way, on his terms, with no responsibilities or considerations towards me, else I was controlling him and he was not living as his authentic self.
I realized later that he was constantly triangulating and cheating on me (at least emotionally). He's 30, has dozens of exes with only a few months each, yet somehow all of the breakups are never his fault. A preference for GNC & tifs, which we all know are an at risk population for abuse. Claims to be asexual, but I'll bet he just objectifies/degrades women and has a porn addiction.
Honestly, so glad he discarded me. Huge, huge, huge bullet dodged. He has major signs of ASPD/NPD. I failed to see just how much danger I was in until the trauma bond withdrawals calmed down. I've had so much support from friends, coworkers and my therapist in processing and preventing any real hoovering.
Honestly, walking away from him post-discard has taught me that I can walk away from anyone. And the relief from no longer being manipulated 24/7 has made being alone so peaceful. I used to be scared of being alone, but now I understand my true fear is being objectified, degraded, manipulated. I couldn't see him for what he was in the middle of it all.
Always trust your body. It understood long before I did consciously that this man was not safe.