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/g/ - girl talk

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No. 220643

A thread for the loners here (all of us). Venting, how you deal with it, how you spend your time etc.

No. 220645

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I dunno. Currently I'm thinking about either continuing to play Wasteland 2 at 1;55am, or going to bed so I can make stuff tomorrow and hang with my housemates.

No. 220664

I can't decide whether I'm comfy in this loner 'lifestyle' or not. Part of me thinks I'm made to live the solo life (avpd, history of agoraphobia) but I still feel pressure because it's seen as so abnormal to be like this. xmas and new years always massively highlights that to me. People ask about your plans… do I have to have plans? Do I even want plans?

I don't know whether to hope for change this year or whether to just live for myself. Sometimes daydreaming about magically making a friend (or partner) feels more cruel than anything. It's hard to put myself out there now knowing I have to explain my isolation to new people I'd meet. That in itself has become a social barrier.

No. 220669

Don't force yourself. If you're content to be alone and the only issue is outside judgement (over something that isn't their business and doesn't harm anyone in any way) then I see no reason to change.

No. 220670

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You're allowed to try out different ways of doing things without fully committing either way. When life starts to feel uncomfy it's OK to change without feeling ashamed of your previous way of living.

No. 220671

I feel you on this anon, you sound just like me, I'm not sure I have avpd but a therapist once suggested it was possible. these last few years I actually felt normal about having no holiday or new years plans since a lot of people have been doing nothing because of the pandemic. I haven't 'done anything' for new years since I was a kid. do you live alone or with family? I at least have my parents so I'm not by myself since I live with them. I've been comfy in my lifestyle, like I've gone for years thinking 'well this is just me and how I live' and I can spend hours and hours alone no worries, but the loneliness can get suffocating at times when I daydream about having friends.

I think you should hope for change, if you're unhappy this way. I have no friends either, not one, but I sometimes get the idea I may use an app or join a club somewhere but I'm like you and I worry what any potential friend will think of me and my isolated life. I feel this way about work too, I want to get a new job around people but when others ask me about my life, what I like to do, if I'm in a relationship, I just feel so bad about myself, I want to cry because I'm so unhappy with how I live. I like some isolation but I want connection too.

No. 220675


I found out myself that online friends are just as good as IRL friends and usually never care about how isolated you can be. It's the easiest way I found to get some connection and feel less isolated (you're still going to be alone at home for new year's eve though…)

No. 220676

I spent NYE alone in my tiny apartment and the only thing that hold me together was this song from "God is an Astronaut"

No. 220678

I'm also really nervous about meeting people online. I have no online friends either unfortunately, I just lurk wherever I go, lolcow is the only place I connect with others. I joined discord right before the game animal crossing came out to meet friends so I could visit their islands and I got really overwhelmed by it and randomly left one day after they started asking my age/location/job etc

No. 220679

lovely song anon, thanks for posting. reminds me of mogwai

No. 220686

Well the good thing is you're lovable enough that other people can get interested in you. The next step seems to become able either to give low-incidence personal info to internet friends, or to tell them "I'd rather not say for now"

Fortunately you get unlimited tries at this, and every time you try it'll be a bit easier to do it

No. 220704

Hope you're ok anon.

No. 220770

tfw the interactions you’ve had on lolcow were the most fun interactions you’ve had all year

No. 220777

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I don't feel like I really want or need friends or a relationship, provided I have my immediate family. But my sister is busy and getting married and my parents will die one day, so I'm worried about how I'll cope afterwards.

Though I guess I'll be an absolute mess when my parents die no matter what. I can't imagine other people making me feel better, at least my inheritance and subsequent retirement will mean I don't have to deal with coworkers etc expecting me to have a life. I can go full hikki.

No. 220800

Dae only feel lonely when they are with people? Somehow I don't feel lonely at all when I'm alone despite having no friends

No. 220802

When I'm with other people I become painfully aware of how unnatural socialising is to me. Feels more comfortable to just never try.

No. 220805

I feel exactly the same anon. I don't know how old your parents are, mine are in their late 50s, so it's not likely they'll die any time soon, I cant help thinking what will happen then though. I don't think I'd be interested in living anymore really. Going full hikki is a good idea too.

No. 220809

I have always had a hard time getting friends and never had an offline boyfriend despite trying for years on end. I get treated like a ghost by people, they avoid eye contact with me, forget who I am. People don't initiate conversation with me and if I get tired of initiating and decide to be passive too I can pretty much go years without any interaction. My life is quite lonely. Even though loneliness is far from my ideal in life, I don't mind it until I realise the years are slipping by and I'll have regrets about the incompleteness of my life eventually. I had one extremely good looking acquaintance and ever since then can't help but blame my looks for this. Wherever she went girls would approach her wanting to be friends, she'd get asked out multiple times a day, even if she decided to be low key during a social gathering and not say much she'd still be the centre of attention all eyes on her. Within days of moving in to a new place she practically became a mini celeb with a wide circle of friends and boyfriend prospects without having to do anything exceptional and out of the ordinary. I really want to get out of this ghost mode hell so I'll be focusing on improving my looks

No. 220841

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I moved at least 2x per year all my life until recently when I got to live alone and I'm just now getting out of the loneliness bubble but it's so difficult. I got a relationship but I crave for friendship so bad, but the only people who want to be friends with me are moids and I don't want male friends. I work in a mostly male field and most places to make friends are closed due to covid.
Just wish I could have a fucking friend I could talk to and share things with for once. I would be okay with online friends but I don't even know where to find those.

No. 220889

For the most part I really enjoy being alone. Since covid started i’ve been alone in my apartment and it honestly has been really nice. I have some online friends who I talk to from time to time and really like, but there are still moments where I can’t help but feel overly isolated and depressed. I know socializing or making more friends wouldn’t fix it though, I don’t really like to socialize and most people irl I find are hard to get along with because of how autistic and unlikeable I am in person. It’s weird to live in a big city where everyone is constantly going out and partying and having big groups of friends and here I am spending my weekend locked in my room endlessly scrolling through this site. I rarely do but sometimes I wish I could just easily make friends and have the option to go out with them whenever I want.

No. 221147

I stopped caring about being alone. Most people I've come across are fake and only care about their immediate family and just aren't interesting or funny to me anyway. I wish I had a best friend again but I doubt it will ever happen. I just focus my time on my hobbies and interests and bettering my life. Unless I'm being hit on by random dudes, it seems like no one gives a fuck about me (not that these men give a fuck about me as a person lmfao). Growing up without family and severe neglect has led me to dissociate really hard recently. It's my only mental illness. Just doesn't feel like anything is real when I'm not looking at a screen, in my daydream land, fantasizing or reading books for escapism by myself.

Same. Whenever I'm around people, I just don't feel any fucking thing at all though. What are the odds of meeting someone you click with? Even when I had the same interests as people, I just didn't feel a connection with them socially. The only person I care about is my boyfriend and the only people who make me genuinely laugh are the shit that anons say on this site. I don't come here often though.

Yep, my only family is my mom. When she dies, I'll be totally fucked and have absolutely nobody. Not really close with her because she's a horrible person and she also doesn't interact with me but she's the only person who provided a roof over my head.

It's not a healthy life but nothing I can do about being born into a bunch of weirdos who abandoned me and pretended like I don't exist since I was a young child.

No. 221149

girls any tips for being more confident? im literally so antisocial and I hattteeee itttt

No. 221261

The key to gaining confidence in yourself is to act confidently and do confident acts. In order to do this you have to identify how confident people act and do the same (easily found in fiction), and to avoid acting how insecure people act.

Those behaviors are rather diverse. For instance, very common acts of everyday nervousness are to lower your eyes when you pass by someone when walking, or to speak quickly or stutter when talking with a stranger. Maintaining your gaze or talking slower in that kind of situations will make you seem more confident, and the more you act confident the more people will treat you as such and convince you that you yourself are self-confident. Other ways to gain confidence are to get rid of your phobias, to dare go to the movies alone or to start eating spicier and spicier food (if you're a westerner)

Of course just doing those few things is not going to be enough to turn you into a badass bitch or a social butterfly, there's a hundred different ways insecurity is displayed or confidence is asserted, and even very confident-looking women can be in fact insecure messes. The ultimate step in self-confidence is then ~self love~

No. 221284

>eating spicier food with make u more confident
Absolute cringe. Also you're aware western people make the spiciest food right?

No. 221298

I've had spicy food all my life and that don't do shit besides causing explosive diarrhea.

No. 221345

I don't put latinos in westerners.

>all my life
That's precisely the point. If you ate spicy food all your life it's nothing in particular, but most people who never eat spicy food are terrified by it. You don't gain confidence by eating chilis, you gain confidence by doing something you're afraid of, then realizing that it really wasn't that bad.

No. 221407

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Holy fuck nona, I never related to a post here more than I have related to yours. I also grew up without a single sense of family and not being able to even find that in friends stings a fuckton, but hey, if nobody has my back at least maladaptive daydreaming will always be there for me lmao
In a weird way it feels comforting to know someone else is going through very similar shit.

No. 221473

Had a rough night lastnight. I'm usually OK with my loner life but a mixture of the new year, knowing past relationships started around this time of year and tbh horniness.. all combined to make me feel like my life is lacking.

I ended up looking up my ex because I'm stable like that.. found an account where he's bragging about his gf doing some pretty extreme kinky shit with him. Few mins into reading this scrotey bragfest I see him say that she wasn't into this shit when they first met but now she is because he got her into it … and memories of coerced sex acts all flooded back to me.

I need to remember that being alone is infinitely better than settling for people who only take advantage of your isolation. There's such a vulnerability to becoming this isolated and then finally letting someone in. I've settled for some crappy treatment before all because I rushed into the arms of the first person who'd have me. Did the same with friends and regretted it. I just want to organically meet someone and get to know each other slowly but how often does that even happen anymore?

No. 221480

I relate to you both a lot. My family wasn't close to me and after my mother died my loneliness became overwhelming. I had a close friend but she said she has feelings for me and got very passive aggressive and weird when I rejected her. So there's that.

My friend group has lately distanced themselves from me too since I'm not usually in a good mood.

I just try to study and do my college work, being alone sucks but at least I can spend my free time to build my career and better myself.

No. 221554

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I'm not sure what I feel is loneliness. It's mostly just not knowing how to get enjoyment out of life which for most people seems to involve hanging out and sharing ideas with people. It's been such a long while I had a friend group of any kind I feel like I can't even make jokes or puns anymore, I'm completely out of the loop on what is the "trendy" political opinion or the latest movie memes people make in real life. I still enjoy listening to people speak, but that kind of one-sided social situation can easily be mimicked by videos and streams nowadays. The problem with two-sided interactions is that I'm way too busy analyzing how I am acting or how I perceive myself in that situation so it offsets any type of joy it might bring. It's like I close off most interpersonal interactions by giving it a positive and negative score once it ended, and perceiving it as me ending in the red makes my mood a lot worse than just avoiding it altogether. I don't know if any of that makes sense.

No. 221555

If you want to get over overanalyzing social interactions, exposure therapy is the best. You'll cringe and want to die plenty, but after a while it will get better. The less you socialize the worse it will get. It's always fixable, it'll just take longer.

No. 221560

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I feel you. Coworkers at jobs would talk about their family and what they did for the holidays and I just felt like a total outsider. I'll admit, sometimes it feels cursed because someone having virtually no family is rare and unheard of. It makes me feel awkward sometimes.

I'm sorry you're going through similar things as me, nonny. I wish I could give you a hug!

No. 221563

I've been fine with my loneliness for the most part until this corona shit started. All I do is study and work, since we're in yet another lockdown and everything's closed and the few friends that I have are either busy with work or rather spend time with their partner because you can't do anything besides sit at home.

What's worse is that I've really been craving romantic intimacy but I don't have much faith in finding it. Most scrotes are shitty, I'm already in my mid-twenties, it takes a long time for me to get comfortable around someone but scrotes wouldn't stay around for that long and rather jump onto the next and idk how/where to meet a potential partner since everything is closed and who knows for how much longer and I don't want to meet them on the internet. I hate casual sex but I'm so touch starved to the point where I can't even watch TV shows without a random romantic scene making me tear up. I try to keep myself busy with hobbies when I have the time but there seems to be nothing that can fill this void (why the fuck do I sound so dramatic).

I feel like life's passing me by and I'll probably die alone and miserable. I still think that you don't need a partner to be happy in life but I want someone to share things in life with. Yeah, I have some friends and my parents but they also keep to themselves a lot.

No. 221825

C, if you are reading this:
I terribly miss you, but you are a retard whore and you dont deserve me, i hope you are doing well but never talk to me again.

No. 221833

same anon
it's an agonising existence. Even pre pandemic i couldn't get a bf but now…I have no idea what how to go about it and my life makes me sad

No. 221841

I don't have any faith either nonas and I haven't tried. I figure how if I can't handle myself how can I handle a moid kek

No. 221843

I frankly disagree. People aren't meant to be loners, socializing is good for us and so is creating and maintaining relationships (I don't necessarily mean romantic relationships here). Most people don't end up being true loners without a troubling past (mental health problems/illness, trauma whatever).

I've become comfy being a loner but I also know I ended up this way because of childhood trauma and severe social anxiety into adulthood and this isn't the healthy way to live.

No. 221844

i've been lonely since childhood and i'm scared of it repeating into my 30s. i always wanted to be a social butterfly but even when i went out and had friends i was always the acquaintence on the "side" while everyone around me were deeper friends. i don't drop people except under extreme circumsrances but a lot of my friendships drift apart so whenever i have a new one i just wonder when we won't have time for each other anymore. i used to 24/7 obsessively daydream about living my ideal life to cope but it made living in reality hard so i broke out of it, but now i almost want to go back. i don't relate to anyone my age since they tend to have kids by now, i just wish i had close friends and a relationship and was seen as an adult but my attempts at seeking them fail. maybe when i'm 40 i'll get it but that thought makes me suicidal, honestly

No. 221861

Purely anecdotal but I'm a 'true loner' in the sense that I've always enjoyed being alone and have gone years without talking to anyone in the past without feeling any negative effects, and I have no history of trauma or mental illness. I do agree with you that people are naturally social and obviously it's an important part of development, but I think that there's a lot of natural variability when it comes to individual tolerance of solitude.

No. 221870

I feel the same. I also have no issues with my status and consider myself "alone but not lonely." These years of COVID have honestly not been all that different compared to my normal life and very peaceful for me since it's socially acceptable to avoid gatherings now. I don't really interact with anyone outside of niceties at the store or occassional texts/online conversations (my job allowed for remote work even before the pandemic). I've had friends on and off throughout the years and honestly always found them more effort than they were worth. There wasn't anything wrong with them, it's just immensely draining for me to interact with others. It's great being able to take things at my own pace and be alone with my thoughts. I have no doubt I could live as an outright hermit in the woods and would love every moment of it if I wasn't so attached to the comforts of city life. Maybe one day I'll be able to afford a country home that's isolated but still near enough to modern conveniences that I'll have the best of both worlds.

No. 221909

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Right back at you, nona! Hope we can finally find something to lean on and call family sometime, or at least that we can do things so nice and great that it won't matter much that we're lonely.

On an unrelated rant, I really wish I weren't too old and cynical to be a weeb or be part of a fandom lmao it sounds super lame but I'd love to have friends with shared interests and do silly stuff like stupid art or write FanFiction of whatever and have internet friends that would care about it. I can't force myself to be into those things but NGL I get jealous of some minor cows here because they're so into some hobbies or shows and they have friends that care about it too lmao.

No. 222382

Anybody else lonely because of bad down there stench(moid)

No. 222591

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I fell out with my group of high school friends due to differing interests and since then I haven't had any. In college I told myself I was fine only having my boyfriend. Now that I'm done and grown up I really wish I had made an effort to at least have some other relationships because I'm a little stunted now.

I feel comfortable being anon but irl I feel awkward socializing and psych myself out sometimes. Even on twitter and discord I see people making actual friendships where they get in these friend circles and even meet up in person. Tbh that's the most realistic situation where I'd get friends but some of these circles idk how to even get in them.

Are you really supposed to just start messaging someone a lot and hope they don't get annoyed? And I feel like not having pictures of myself also makes people think I'm a guy trying to creep. If I got a group of friends I'd post pics I just don't want to post on my profile for everyone online to see.

No. 222601

I know what you mean. I’ve joined the servers, attended the meetups ask the questions and all that but I never make the jump from the out group to the in group. It feels like there’s some sort of secret ingredient that I’m missing that everyone knows about but me. I know there are group chats, I know there are private calls, I know there are invitations and I would be there if I only had the key to get in. It makes me wonder if I’m deficient or weird in some way and everyone can just tell.

No. 222611

I haven't had friends since high school. I'm out of college now and still no friends, but I'm starting a new career so maybe I'll make friends with coworkers. Like many nonnas on this thread, I only had my boyfriend and thought that was enough. I was fine having 1 person in my life and that kept me satisfied. We were together for years, but unfortunately we broke up, and it happened in the worst way. He trooned out, had a complete 360 in personality and values, and became a degenerate. He was groomed by an older tranny and is now in their shitty cult. My ex was somewhat of a loner too, but he was an idiot that left for the first group of people that gave him validation, money, and attention. I guess I'm rambling, but this happening made me realize that you can't just have your partner be your only friend.

I don't mind being alone. I like my free time and don't really want to dedicate that time to anyone else. I just don't have the energy, except for maybe one other person. It was a rough transition having absolutely no one after the breakup, but I adjusted and got time for hobbies. I don't know what it's like to hang out with people for long periods of time anymore. I'm fine being my own company. I only worry about being alone for statistical reasons. Like if I had to have more surgery, who would be there to help me? Who would be my emergency contact? Things like that.

No. 222857

I can't stand it. I need to make some friends but I don't know how.

No. 223557

Same here, nonny. A couple stood right in front of me in the subway today and they were really touchy-feely with each other for like twenty minutes and I cried when I got home.

No. 223719

I feel like the only people I talk to these days are those who had ebstablished their own parasocial version of me in their head and I don't think I can be friend with any of them. I tried to reach out to one of them recently because they're the most active in interacting with me when I'm online, and when I checked on their profile we seem to have aligned interests.
I added friend them, we talked about different topics in which it sometimes a hit or miss, but overall no red flag.
Today loneliness has gotten into me, I decided to open myself up a bit to them about my struggle with social anxiety.
And their response was… disappointing.
It was exactly the same response of my ex friends, of those I tried my best to pour my heart out to them and begging them to give me some sort of mind solace, but they couldn't give me anything, neither this new person. What I got was "I get it." and There's nothing more to it.

I've given up, no one can understand me, no one can lend me an ear to listen to my problems, I'm so tired, I've given up on trying to find "a friend". Whether I've become egotistical or just sheer mentality ill. I don't know. I know that my last effort has yield to nothing. I will never open myself up to another person again. I will carry my burdens until they finally crush me into my grave.

No. 228117

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I like being alone in the general sense. I'm not good at forming close bonds with people. I have a few friends and siblings who get this about me and don't take it personally. I feel like social media did a number on people always expecting and recieving attention 24/7, which just isn't me. I call a friend a couple times a week who is a loner like I am, we talk for a little while and then go about our lives. I'm mental/trauma combo and just not being very good at recieving or giving affection. This extends to romantic relationships, the few relationships I've had I've always ended because I've never had the dream of having a life-time partner and starting a family. I get annoyed if a person is constantly invading my personal space, so I'm fine with celibacy. The few timse this genuinely bothers me is when it comes to jobs. I'm a wageslaver and a part-time artist, I sell my work, but it's never enough to pay bills, so I supplement with shit jobs. I didn't go to college because I've always hated school and didn't want to put the effort into getting a degree in a career I might not even care about in the long run. I've been thinking of trade school recently, but the jobs I'm interested in are male-dominated and I'm not sure if I can put up with sexual harassment. Now that I'm getting older I might not have to worry about it so much, but it's been a problem in the past. Another time being alone sucks is when I get into my head and all those demons start muttering around, which sucks. I usually just go out to a bar or late night coffee shop and strike up some meaningless conversation if it gets to a point where it's too much to handle. It's like some form of escapism I guess. Other than that, it really doesn't bother me much.

No. 228846

Anon, I get where you're coming from. I had a moment where I realized nobody wanted the real me. If anything, people also want to reach out, have a connection. However, they don't want to put in the work and so they latch onto someone who will love them unconditionally.

The biggest thing that helped me improved my mental health was truly embracing my loneliness. Nobody understood, nobody cared, and in many ways nobody cared that I existed which meant I could kinda live exactly how I wanted. A lot of my stressors came from the expectations that social relationships was supposed be this savior for a lot of problems but it's totally okay to have friends just for having fun and shooting the spit.

Also, you will have friends that care; nothing is permanent. Until then just learn to relax and enjoy the time you have for yourself.

No. 233047

My life is so fucking boring, I've recently realized all I do is wake up, go to the work, go home and go to sleep, could you suggest some solitary evening activities I could do after work? I live in a big city so it's not like there's nothing to do, but I have no idea what I could try doing.

No. 233058

Hey nonna i’m in the same boat as you, lonely and in a big city. I can’t really help much but what I tend to do when I want to do something is take a walk, get some food from a nearby place and just walk around and see what’s going on. I don’t really attend social events because I don’t like the vibe of people in my city, but if your city has gallery or art shows those can be enjoyable. If you live near a sort of park that could be nice too. I find that despite how much there is “to do” in big cities it’s only really doable most of the time if you have friends, like going to bars or restaurants or clubs.

No. 233117

Yes there are a lot of museums and art events in my city, it's actually my favorite activity on my days off, I should check if there are some nocturnal exhibitions.
I don't have a lot of friends, either they are away or I don't want to force them to tag along with me, and I like being on my own, but like you said most activities are for friend groups or couples. I'm at this point where commuting with a different train or bus is a form of excitement because I see some unknown neighborhoods kek.

No. 233168

I hope you can find some nice late night exhibitions! I do the same thing with the trains, even though i don’t really commune for work, i’ll take public transit just to get out of the house. It’s hard when all your friends aren’t available, but sometimes it can be fun to be alone. Good luck on your quest for activities!

No. 233176

>mfw can't even find online friends because even that stresses me out
don't know if it's cope, but it's not so bad.
I spend my time watching female gaze movies, chainsmoking, drinking coffee and making friend scenarios in my head. My fav vidyas are rpgs with romances because I can live through it. They all say "live your life, don't dream it" but dreaming it is pretty nice

No. 233409

File: 1645028961684.jpg (118.03 KB, 648x864, giving dollar.jpg)

reposting here because the stupid questions thread is dead

how long does it take to 'get close' to someone/ establish a friend group? I've been trying to get friends for the past 6 months and, although I know a decent amount of people, which coincidentally are all somewhat interconnected, and talk to 5 of them regularly-ish, but I don't feel particularly close to any of them. I struggle to find the time to talk to them in person (since are schedules are different and the only time we can talk is when we coincidentally meet), and although the conversations can be interesting, which is something I value very much, I feel like I'm lacking the emotional intimacy I'd want from female friendships

No. 233493

I wish so bad I had friends so I could dress up and go out. I have nothing to dress up to and it depresses me. My work is so lax, and then I have the gym, and then home. Nothing fun and no real opportunities to meet people. It saddens me because at the gym, I fantasize about striking up a friendship there, but from past experience, most gym gals tend to strike up toxic relationships based upon thinness or muscle or whatever and I am looking to get away from that.

No. 233494

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this is just me speaking from experience and observing stuff around me but i feel like "closeness" in female friendships or friendships in general isn't developed through time. it's through sharing your struggles together. you develop a special bond with people you're able to be vulnerable with. it doesn't mean you should want them to struggle so you can grab the opportunity or that you should trauma dump immediately. you can start with little things like slipping in something mildly embarrassing that happened to you during the day and laughing about it with them. or reaching out to them when they post something on social media (e.g. they're subtweeting, posting sad songs on their IG story, etc.). it also helps when you really can understand each other, beyond common interests and hobbies and all that. like i used to have a social media influencer friend who i literally had nothing in common with lifestyle and interests wise and i kept wondering why she kept hanging out with me and why i'd be the first person she'd call when she was going through something or having boy problems. then i realized it was because we understood each other. like we would agree on how to deal with stuff and navigate certain moods and i guess from then we had a silent agreement that we could be transparent towards each other because there would be no judgement. so yeah, i feel like the connection you're seeking for in friendships isn't found through just hanging out and talking frequently. you have to reach a point where you can let each other take a peek at a mess in your lives and still be there for each other. some people won't reciprocate, which is understandable, but when you find someone who will, it's really great. also, don't feel limited to the people you already know.

No. 234718

Sometimes i get angry when i see people who are happier and more succesful than me. I feel like i am stuck and i havent achieve anything plus i still have the same few friends from years ago and that makes me think that i am a failure.

No. 234869


No. 234905

>i still have the same few friends from years ago and that makes me think that i am a failure

wat? people who cycle through friendships and frequently replace old friends are red flags flapping in the breeze.

No. 238440

File: 1645273327636.jpg (1.05 MB, 3072x2048, IMG-0755-1.jpg)

I'm a loner and have no friends. Whenever I talk to people I pretend I have friends, I'll say 'oh my friend used to work there' or 'a friend of mine lives there' when said friend is someone I've not spoken to in 10 years. It's sad but I think if people knew I really genuinely had no friends they would think there was something really wrong with me. I've read online multiple times how people 'don't trust' people who don't have friends, how they think there must be something keeping the people away but that isn't true for the majority of friendless people. Most people find me warm and friendly and tell me as much, I get along with others in social situations but since I'm for the most part a shut in I never can make relationships stick, or get beyond the acquaintance stage. It's a catch 22 being friendless and wanting to make friends, when being friendless is such a hinderance to making a friend. I'm terrified people will find me boring as well. I'm 31 and find most people my age aren't looking for new friends, by this stage in our lives we've made our friends for life. Making your way into an already established friendship circle is incredibly hard.

As well as being friendless I also live with my parents and have a shitty dead end job, all I do is surf the web and eat junk food. I think to myself who would want to be friends with me?

No. 238444

I miss you, Rachel, and I'm sorry.

No. 238505

im the exact same anon except im approaching mid 20s, ive felt this constantly since 20 though, i used to have hope but now i know that everyone just has their friendship circles that persisted from highschool and if lucky, university. of which i couldnt cope with both and stopped attending. im a social, educational, unemployable failure and it never gets better. i contemplate suicide everyday and wonder why im still going on constantly. in relationships i try so hard and give my all and girls always eventually realise im some kind of retard and i end up excluded all over again. that or i attempt to be friends with men which i have more in common with but they always end up just wanting to fuck me and i end up all alone again either because they never actually cared about being my friend and drop me or because i have to keep my distance because they cant get over their desire to fuck me. life is hell and it never gets any better, fuck the world and all the circumstances both unavoidable and avoidable that led me to ending up like this. fuck everything. i wish i at least had the minimum social contact needed to find and buy drugs so maybe i could actually have a fun time when im alone instead of being stuck with alcohol to cry and pass out from.

No. 238580

im downloading bumble bff wish my weird ass luck nonnas

No. 238610

I wouldn't lose hope too fast anon, I have a small circle of friends I met at my previous job (that we have almost all left at this point), my mom met her best friend in her mid 30s and another close friend in her mid 50s. I know that meeting new people is extremely fucking hard when you're an autistic weirdo, especially after leaving education, it's going to sound cliché but it's never too late.

No. 238616

I feel you nonnette, on the can't make friends because it weird people out part. I'm lucky to have one friend again (we reconciled after a fight we had half a year ago) and I whenever I tell stories or mention things about her I pretend it's different people so people won't think I'm a loser. No one else can get close this way, it's so fucking stupid how people think if you have barely any friends there's something wrong with you. Most are just shy or busy/get tired easily. I hope my Nigel really is the one and we can live together, I can be a housewife, have 2 kids and live happily ever after. I'm the one who made this thread when I still was fighting with my friend, loneliness can be so crippling I feel so much for you nonna. I hope your life gets better soon ♥ (that sounds sarcastic but I mean it)

No. 238650

good luck anon! let us know how it goes, i've been considering downloading it for a while too

No. 238707

File: 1645290163455.jpg (200.28 KB, 1928x2048, 20220217_163402.jpg)

Why do i feel so lonely single and heartbroken in this relationship?

After this huge phase of feeling connected and so on, the man I'm dating online told me I'm suffocating and instantly grew distant. And so did i, because I don't want to lose him. I feel like we're both doing our own things (I'm 19 he is 32)and i feel numb. I've never been in a relationship like that before. It would always be codependency for some and would grow toxic and explode or on the opposite, i wouldn't feel involved in the relationship because I didn't want to be hurt and I hurt the guy's feeling. Right now it's the opposite. I'm involved and I feel heartache when he's online but not answering my messages. I know no one should owe me messages and I also know I shouldn't love a man that old. But I just feel single and most likely heart broken most of the times. He stopped saying he loves me for a few days now. I don't understand it. Even during valentine's day he was distant and he didn't give me a gift when I gave him so many.. I know the point of a gift is to not expect anything back but cmon. And yesterday i got really upset because I was feeling depressed because I'm just tired (I'm trying to go back to uni after I was a neet, so I'm really stressed out) . I know he's not a therapist (i do seek help but sometimes I can't help myself, also my doctor is sick) and i don't know what to do. I want to make it work. I really do. I feel like I'm the only one giving love, support, cute messages, and when I need support he freaks out.He also doesn't want to be vocal about us dating (aka being declared boyfriend girlfriend around.. I can't refer to him as such. It seems he also doesn't want to be seen as a creep) The other days I asked for some more cute words and he refused and yesterday he yelled at me because I couldn't calm down. What's the point of this relationship at this point… I know I need to be my own person and be able to handle myself my feelings and so on. And I truly wish replies wouldn't just tell me to break up. I don't want to leave him. I don't want to be even more lonely. I have no friend I can count on. Just acquaintances. I did try to reach out to some old friends from back then to hang out. They accepted. But I know I'll chicken out.

I do try self help tools apps and stuff but it just.. Doesn't help me. I take medication and all that, I just feel like i can't even tell my doctors i feel so bad or else they'll put me to the psych ward, and i don't want to go back here.

He's telling me I should measure my own worth and sometimes he feels I'm too good to him. At first I thought it was flattery, now I feel like it's sort of his explanation of why he's no involved. If I leave him. I will lose him, but also get awkward relationships with his two other friends, and I'll be alone. I've been alone for so long. I've tried to cope with so many bullshit like NLOGism. Saying how I hate women and acting hurr durr redpilled tomboy and being one of the boys. It's tough out there. I know I'm not as lonely as everyone here. But I feel solitude so hardly it's hard to live through. I feel like my life is a hot mess.

The more I wrote about him. The more I saw redflags like a communist parade.

No. 238727

Log off.
You're 19. He's 32.
You're his convenience notification hell that feeds his petulant ego. You are worth more than his online approval.
You are badass. Take ownership of your life

No. 238729

Notification Bell* not hell

No. 238733

File: 1645291077943.jpeg (1.88 MB, 5386x3605, 338149.jpeg)

Ever since my sister moved out (she used to be my only friend) for university, I've been pretty much alone. I personally like it. I like talking to myself and organizing my thoughts out loud, I like going at my own pace with things, I like imagining scenarios for hours on end (although I do feel guilty and like I should die for wasting so much time on it). Whenever I've pushed myself to socialize I always felt "not like myself". Even when I met some amazing friends in college who I loved and loved me. I just felt like I was always putting on an act. Its probably a result of being made fun of for my otaku interests by my HS friends back when I was like 14 kek even if it was 'lighthearted', the constant teasing gets really embarrassing especially when you keep telling everyone and bringing it up randomly. It's hard not to feel ashamed about my interests now so I can never be fully myself around others unless I know for sure they're like me, and even then I try to play it "cool" as if I like [thing] a "normal" amount when really I'm probably a sperg about it. I hate myself so much. Its funny, I love and trust my own company but I genuinely despise myself.

My day consists of
>waking up
>catch up to online classes/assignments/etc
>more intranet
>bed, but no sleep yet, just reading manga, doujin or fic
>then pass out

I would like to waste less time mindlessly browsing on the internet at least. Get some weightlifting in since my thin muscles feel weak. Fix this AVPD so that when I graduate I can find myself a job without vomiting on an interviewer.

I would also like to use my internet time more usefully (?) aka browse less mindlessly and ACTUALLY play more games or watch more series.

Don't know why I typed this all out.

No. 238760

I totally understand you,nonnie

No. 238762

I'm the exact same way anon. Though recently I've been using site blockers to block time-wasting sites so I can focus on hobbies that aren't endless scrolling

No. 238768

I don't know if I'm badass. I mean I plan to work in technology programming and stuff because I'm a nerd. He's not even well off put together and so on. He doesn't have a stable income or place on his own… I don't know what i deserve. When I try to aim higher, i just hear in my head all the men from 4chan or reddit saying that women are hypergamic roasties and then regret when they finished riding the cock carousel.. I just want to find a husband I can marry when I'm done studying, not some Chad bootycall.

No. 238777

File: 1645292257977.jpg (48.5 KB, 612x452, 1645260940614.jpg)

God are you me, this is almost exactly my entire life before I met my bf and gained a couple friends, people will judge you can't stop that, sometimes you just have to pretend at least a semi-normie-ish
can I recommended joining a sports club or a martial arts, (It has to something you have some slight interest in) Judo was my way of meeting new people and gaining friend's and eventually a bf, It quite literally saved my life

No. 238788

i think taking drawing seriously has let me relax and forget about how lonely i am. it lets me have a goal to improve a skill that requires patience and self-motivation.

also i often feel jealous of my parents and their generation, it seems like they have so many friends (whom they still talk to to this day) and such interesting life experiences and stories to tell. and i think about the future, what can even be said about my life? nothing is that interesting. and sometimes i get scared that the memories i have of my childhood/traveling abroad etc. are disappearing because of how much time i spend online.

No. 238791

Did you join a random local class? A sport sounds like it'd be more motivating than making myself go to a gym or lifting lightly at home.

No. 238802

Reading your first lines that you wanna be a programmer is effing badass. As a insecure girl in tech myself, I see the badass in you. It makes sense that you don't know yet… you're still learning and need to push beyond your comfort zone. It might take your entire life, but at least it will be your deciding.
Program your life like fine code… Look at it like object oriented code. Find the bugs that don't serve you or get you stuck in forever loops. Create new code for boundaries to protect you from manipulation. You are narc bait.

find your ctrl-c to stop the loop of needing validation to appease your insecurities.

You have your whole adult life to figure it out - trust me. figuring that out first will make your core code function in ways you can't imagine yet.
Im sorry you are doubting yourself but seeing your words proves your more badass than you think.
Please believe it. If not then trick yourself to believe it. It will become closer to natural as you see proof of your own progress.

No. 238805

I've considered doing this before. good luck!

No. 238827

Seriously consider thought reprogramming (DBT/CBT) to remove the roasties talk because it will sabotage you till you're dead.

This site is toxic and destructive but not nearly the same. Its still toxic fuel for your view of self and world.

Badass simply means taking ownership and not letting assholes suck your life blood.

As you level up give yourself permission to experiment, be wrong, explore and allow your self to live as someone finding and learning.

No. 238881

No I signed up a proper Judo gym and It's way better then joining some social group or weight lifting gym, cause even when I wasn't feeling good emotionally the routine would always allow me get my back head back in the game, also met a lot of awesome people who had okaku and nerdy interests, like 9/10 people there were DBZ fans to varying degrees
I could make quotes from anime and no would find it cringy, however you have to slowly ease yourself so you don't come off too strong

No. 238887

File: 1645295093105.gif (2.63 MB, 420x280, carla-shaw-friends.gif)

The hardest part of friendships for me is actually maintaining them, I feel like I actually talk to people well and get along with people I see regularly at work/school but I can never seem to make that first 'step' into friendship. I have the numbers of some work acquaintances but I only ever text them if I need the schedule. I always feel like I'm a burden to other people if I want to hang out because I feel like other people always have something else going on. Also suffer from anxiety/depressive episodes which makes me not want to see or talk to anyone, and i start to isolate myself from others which makes them feel like I don't want to talk to them, even if the opposite is true.

So I'm in my mid 20's and don't have any reliable friends. And I can't tell anyone because it makes me seem pathetic, who wants to be friends with someone with no friends?

No. 239006

you sound like the badass lesbian from my therapy group, she's like 40-50 though

No. 239070

Hey thank you everyone. I'm trying to write break up thing then just leave everywhere I can. I can't face doing it over voice I'll just cry while doing so. I still love him yet I know everything is wrong.

No. 239099

My heart goes out to yours through this thread - that sounds so hard.
But, your dedication to your self worth and future self is damn impressive and you should find ways to be proud of the strength you have shown in putting your needs first.
Your life begins when you let it. Be gentle with yourself, and take good care

No. 239189

Beware: After he reads your letter he might attempt to keep you as his supply by love bombing you and playing into your insecurities. It will be a challenge to not take the bait.
Plan for inevitable manipulation risks like you will in programming.
Separate the emotions and think like a dev analysing security vulnerabilities, and not like a sensitive heart in love.

You got this.

No. 239250

>So I'm in my mid 20's and don't have any reliable friends. And I can't tell anyone because it makes me seem pathetic, who wants to be friends with someone with no friends?
this is my exact situation as well.

No. 239357

Wish I was her, might be her in 30 years
Let's be friends

No. 239548

No. 239993

>online dating a 32 year old at 19
Lmfao that's not even a real relationship. Not only the online part, but he doesn't love you. He's just messing with you and using you. Grow up.

No. 241364

post your discord/throwaway email if you want to, it'd be nice to talk to someone who can relate.

No. 251288

File: 1647960246781.png (144.75 KB, 500x500, EF28F25A-4388-4C71-8E49-49562D…)

I know the Internet loves to hate on extroverts but being an extrovert sucks ass, especially when you’re always the person taking the initiative 95% and no one reciprocates. It’s hard not being bitter when you get left on read and your ‘friend’ is active hourly on Instagram.

I’m really disappointed in my friends. The past few years of college have been absolute shit (met sexist guys, guys who wanted to get into my pants but pretended to be friends, nasty group mates and the list goes on) and whenever I reach out to my high school friends, I barely get responses. The only times where I hang out with others is if I suggest an activity. I always join college club outings and some people are nice, but it’s temporary.

This feeling worsened during CORONA, where I reached out and they went “yass let’s hang out!” and radio silence after I suggest something. I’m talking friends of >3++ years. I know friends drift apart but we’re all in the same damn area wtf. I wish I could delete all my friends and start afresh but burning bridges for future uses wouldn’t be very wise.

Happily I refound my myjournal-era love for fanfiction and fanart so I’m less lonely for now. Still bitter though.

No. 251292

Feel you on this anon. I want friends who are enthusiastic about hanging out, but I never seem to find them. I need to get serious about doing something with all this time alone that I have. I’m rotting in front of screens and it’s not good.

No. 251297

The internet hates on extroverts due to snobbery. They think all introverts are tea drinking, book reading sensitive souls when the reality is most introverts are terminally online doom scrollers. Keep being extroverted anon, eventually someone will reward your willingness to actually engage with their autistic asses

No. 251299

>but being an extrovert sucks ass, especially when you’re always the person taking the initiative 95% and no one reciprocates.
I'm an introvert and I take the initiative often with my friends and bf. Introvert doesn't mean passive, unenthusiastic, or lazy. Your friends probably just aren't interested anymore but try to be polite, which sometimes can hurt even more than them just outright rejecting you. Imo you should stop putting effort into them even though you're lonely. People who are so lukewarm about hanging out with you will make you feel even more lonely in the long run.

No. 251306

I fucking hate how being antisocial became quirky in the past decade. Especially when twilight came out. It's cringey when women do it but twice as cringe when men obviously pretend to be antisocial for attention, they make it so obvious as well.

No. 251321

File: 1647978858675.jpeg (77.89 KB, 991x788, 07E8FADE-2BF0-4805-81DA-F42A2C…)

I get you too, especially the rotting in front of devices part. I find people are so unenthusiastic nowadays, and mostly hype up over shows rather than experiences. Dragging my ‘friends’ out feel like a massive pain so I stopped doing it. Have you considered picking up something you’re interested in, even if it’s some niche thing? It doesn’t exactly solve the loneliness but puts our idle time to better use. I’m going to get better at drawing to draw my husbando kek

I agree, I find some introverts are less receptive and more selfish, where they want you to be interested in their *~deep inner world*~ but don’t care about your interests. Don’t even get me started on social anxiety, so many introverts keep saying they have it but barely do anything to address the issue. I have introvert friends who whine about ‘not meeting anyone’ and then admit they didn’t join any clubs or activities, wtf. For some reason, these same people also have a misplaced sense of entitlement, where they do nothing and expect friends to magically appear at their door.

I get that I’m an extrovert but I’m going out at least twice every week to meet new people, so seeing quiet people randomly meeting good friends so quickly makes me bitter as fuck.

I thought Twilight was a meme? I agree with boomer sentiments that people don’t form deep friendships as easily anymore, almost of us are guilty of taking out our phone in the middle of conversations to text someone else. Disrespectful…

You speak the truth noonie. It’s harder for us to let go of such friendships because of nostalgia, previous shared experiences and misplaced hope, but I’m trying to shake off the lonely feelings by going out more. Wish I had a bf TBH

It was pathetic during pandemic when I reached out and people ‘barely had the time’ to do one virtual meeting. TBH I felt like a desperate dog checking in on my friends, it sucked because I’m always seeing if they left me on read. I should learn from you and set some boundaries, maybe even block them kek

I’m at my limit wtf, maybe I should get my husbando dakimura, I will read more fanfiction kek

No. 251323

Twilight when it was cool romanticized being that awkward friend who doesn't contribute and sits awkwardly in the corner, twilight made it big despite being a meme but there was a whole slew of media where the main character was written out to be sexy and mysterious by refusing to participate in their friend groups, not talking and ghosting everyone, while the "annoying and bitchy" character is bubbly and always holding the friend group together and checking in on people

No. 251360

about hs friends, i wouldn't worry much. a lot of people "reinvent" themselves on college and ghost hs friends. i have ghosted and been ghosted by hs friends. don't take it personally, it is just how it is

No. 251364

File: 1648000220585.jpg (98.2 KB, 470x640, 2454d93f2e2e25a01b48d1dfab6a14…)

parents moved to 'murica when i was 15, i never managed to make some friends, 21 now, a loser with no friends.

I am trying to cut back social media use but oh my god my life is miserable without social media. like i am so alone, no one to talk to, vent to, cry to. i am somehow close with my parents but i can't talk about anything i want with them.

all i want is an inge look style friendship. is it too much to ask for?????

No. 251376

I think I forgot how to socialize and I got fired from my job as a waitress because I was “inexperienced” but really I think people could tell how nervous I was. People make me nervous and what do I do if I feel like I have social anxiety. Should I go to a doctor like a clinical one? Is social anxiety just a meme,?

No. 251387

File: 1648016994248.gif (1.73 MB, 200x149, w.gif)

Lifelong loner, just built different I guess.
Bullied all through my schooling, bullied within my barely functioning family, bullied at college and bullied at jobs.

If I manage to obliquely sidle into a friend circle or club etc, I'm always on the outer and bounce from group to group with nobody noticing.

I guess I'm mostly at peace with it. I have still had a rich life.

No. 251395

I think my loneliness is because I was a military brat during most of my life, we never stayed longer than 3 years at the same place so I had to start all over again everytime we moved, and this was way before social medias, keeping contact was much harder. Adding to this undiagnosed autism and mild bullying in middle school and that pretty much turned me into a loner. I've been living in the same city for 10 years now and I have a hard time keeping friends, I'm a terrible communicator and I tend to ghost people anytime I'm mildly inconvenienced. I don't think I'll really forgive my dad for forcing us to move so much, I should have just asked to do my entire school years in a catholic boarding school or something, even if the rules and schooling were retarded I would have still stayed with the same group of girl friends, something I've never experienced.

No. 251418

I'm in the same boat as you nonna! Being raised in a military family really fucked up my ability to make and keep long lasting friendships. Plus I am retardedly shy and anxious. My parents were also super strict and never let me go out with whatever friends I happened to make, so I feel like I didn't get to develop normal social skills or habits.

It doesn't help that I ghost people now as an adult without a second thought, they don't have to do a single thing wrong. I can just be lazy or simply uninterested in replying atm, and then I just never bother again. Even though I can be so lonely and crave the warmth of a female-only friend group, I just don't have it in myself to try. I just cope with my loneliness by using imageboards and discord to sperg, or I waste time by drawing or gaming so I don't have to think about being a loner loser.

No. 251707

I used to be a straight up hikki but I eventually got a job, unfortunately I still have pretty much no friends irl or otherwise. I have people I know online but they're not people I speak to a lot. Sometimes I'm ok with it, sometimes it really gets at me. Trying to be friendly with people I don't know well makes me very nervous, this applies to both real life and online. I've never got people who have no irl friends but are social butterflies online.
I become more shut off over time because I'm embarrassed over my hikki phase and lack of a social life and don't want to disclose anything about myself to others. Unsure how to get out of it, I've tried various ways to get to know people but the nervousness always makes me back out as soon as I start talking to someone.

No. 251971

Late reply but let's be loner friends nonna! My parents didn't want us to do anything either because they were very paranoid (child abductions were a lot more common in the 90s/early 00s), like I never went to sleepovers or trick-or-treating, I only started hanging out with pals during my last year of high school. I don't think it's fair to blame my upbringing because my siblings turned out pretty normal and I should work on my issues, but it definitely didn't help (and thank god I didn't get a religious or traditionalist education).
Yeah, ghosting is my biggest flaw and I do it at the drop of the hat, usually when someone sends me a text about something important and I'm too embarrassed to reply immediately, so I just postpone the answer until I entirely give up and tell myself it's not worth it anyway. I've lost some great friendships just because of my retarded behavior and I keep repeating myself I should go to therapy, but I don't have trauma or anything so I don't dare to go.

No. 252330

File: 1648514127351.png (2.34 MB, 1501x844, hikin and morin.png)

My loneliness has reached a level where I'm seriously considering becoming an IRL streamer just to have someone to talk to even if is autistically parasocial. I spend my nights watching DIY and fashion tiktok compilations on Youtube and pretending am having a conversation with someone about the video I'm watching.

No. 255308

I'm in my early 30s now and have always been a loner - cannot keep friends for the life of me. I can get along with people on the surface but underneath I'm too autistic & avoidant to know how to handle having people in my life.

I have found that being a loner is much comfier when I'm not trying hard or obsessing over how to make friends or keep in touch with people more (because the constant realisation that it's impossible for me to sustain can hurt and is exhausting.) Quitting social media helped with this.

I get my IRL social fix from seeing parents every once in a while. Then work, volunteering and fitness classes - which are good ways to "socialise" and see people regularly without any effort on my part to maintain the relationship (the schedule does that for me).

All in all, I think being a loner can be great. So much time and freedom to devote to your hobbies and interests.

BUT saying that… I am very depressed about 80% of the time… lol. Those times are just worse when I'm around people.

No. 258773

I was sick my whole childhood and this led to me missing so much of school. My parents were in a massive amount of debt so we moved a lot in my lifetime. I only had friends in High School that end up backstabbing me so after that I only had boyfriend then all of my friends nowadays are online. It is rather lonely that where I live I can't connect to people.

I don't drink, do drugs, can't the gym, or do crazy activities, so basically where I live I am alone because none of my interests align with the general population. Now I am in a new relationship but still have no friends where I live. I feel like I am missing out on my youth and I live with my parents. My social skills are rather shit because all the important socializing years I spent in hospital or in bed. It's lonely, I want friends and I want girls I can go have a girls trip with and have people to go shopping with.

No. 265419

You just have sucky friends, that has nothing to do with being extrovert. An introvert would feel equally bad in your position.

No. 265424

same, i have friends i have known for over 15 years and usually when i try to suggest meeting them but usually they decline, don't respond and so on.
when we do hang out it's really fun but i'm just tired of wasting my time pining after people who obviously don't care about me that much even though we used to be really close before. but on other hand i feel like the sunk cost fallacy is just way too much like i wouldn't like to stop being friends with people i have known for most of my life, i try to think that i guess i am fine with just having these people as casual acquaintances in my life but it still hurts me that i obviously care more about them than they care about me, and seeing some of them doing stuff together and leaving me out. like just when i am thinking that i would be alright without these people in my life, we do finally meet and we have a great time and i think okay i don't want to lose these friends and then it's months that they actually want to meet, i ask myself why do i waste so much time and energy thinking about people who don't think about me, i spiritually prepare myself for giving them up, then we meet, rinse, repeat, the cycle keeps repeating over and over and over again

No. 265519

File: 1653193338126.gif (525.56 KB, 500x263, W4S.gif)

This is going to come across as a massive humblebrag so sorry in advance, but being "attractive" and massively introverted is so uncomfortable. I just want to be left alone, take walks by myself and enjoy my loneliness, but as I'm too "notorious" now people (and men) are always in my business, from total randoms to male "friends" acting massively weird towards me
>Literally just chilling
>"Heeeey why are you by yourself like that baby aha"
>"You're too pretty to be so lonely aha don't you want some company aha"
I fucking hate it. I remember when I was just invisible to society (and men) and I could act as I pleased and be as lonely as I wanted cause nobody perceived me or gave a damn, now everyone wants me to be the bubbly, extroverted girl and I'm just fucking not, I'm still a nerdy, gloomy, autistic tomboy at heart

No. 265520

Samefag, and the moment i want to be friends with someone I actually vibe with (mostly nerdy/weeb or alt women) people give me shit for it, specially men, who seem to be weirdly fixated on bringing down these type of women for their looks/lifestyles as if there's something wrong with them, they also just assume I'll be okay with such slander which is heartbreaking

No. 265623

i have always in some way felt lonely. i’m miles behind my sister who has it much easier with meeting new people or finding new opportunities. everyday my suicidal ideation gets worse, i can’t imagine having a life with people who love me around me or looking how i always wanted to look.

No. 265624

So i've been a loner for the past few years, mostly did a 180 from constantly being around friends, out the house, meeting people to cutting most people off. History of mh issues but I was and still am not a shy person, never had problems making friends, getting along with people, initiating a new friendship. This has basically been born out of a reaction to trauma and then me feeling more and more comfortable in isolation. I think in some ways its been a positive. I was somewhat a people pleaser so in that respect, learning to say no and establish my boundaries has been aided by being a loner.

I have/had a few friends over this period of isolation, but still very much have my walls up, not really trusting anyone and kind of at the point i just want to let them go. I feel awful on one hand, and on another I feel like it's the best thing to do. I've been someone that has needed to change, evolve and improve myself and part of that is accepting that a parting of ways is natural and okay. Like we're just heading in a different direction, and I'll always have so many good memories. I don't personally see a problem with that mindset but most everyone around me does so idk. I don't feel too bad most of the time but like other nonnies have said, holidays really highlight how alone I am.

No. 265636

File: 1653255365906.png (245.55 KB, 540x387, 5e121112e59ed36641a1e8e8970767…)

no1 curr blog ahead

i have a few friends i can message online (who used to be IRLs at some point), as well as one i can see irl on a weekly basis. but that's honestly not enough to have a healthy social life.

because of life happening + my parents being on bad terms with so many people, it feels like my only family is my mom. and my relationship with her is…rocky, to say the least.

i was fucking retarded in grade school and just assumed everyone hated me no matter what. i had a friend group but there were various falling outs. only after a few years in university did i realize that i could talk to people more than once lmao. i went on exchange overseas, made a bunch of friends, then i came back and had to awkwardly try to be friendlier to people i had previously ignored. then i moved again and the pandemic happened so i didn't get to meet new people.

everyone at my current job is way older so that's not great socialization either. i take night classes and attend some of their related events but, again, everyone's way older.

i try dating apps for both friendship and dating but they're so exhausting and awkward. trying to guess if i'll get along with someone based on pictures and a couple sentences is so alienating.

i think birthdays and holidays are the most painful. friendless people tell me to spend it with my family and people who no family tell me to spend it with friends.

i still have hope but right now, i'm fucking lonely, bored and i want more friends!!! goddammit.

No. 265675

OP here, sage 4 no1curr but I'm not lonely anymore! I made 2 new friends/reconciled with my old best friend, I'm so happy about it. Loneliness is the worst feeling, my heart goes out to all lonely nonna's here ♥ Just know I'm a dumbass in social situations, if I can make friends you can too. One of my closest friends now I met in a thrift store, waiting for the dressing rooms to be empty. We were just sitting there, I complimented her shoes and it went from there. I never thought my autistic ass would be able to make friends but somehow I did. I'm happy, I don't have many I know but that doesn't bother me. I love all 3 dearly, they're not just 'hanging out get drunk' friends but I can actually talk to them and call/text them any time. Life is looking up, any nonna who is reading this right now, things get better even if they're shit right now. I love all of you, you were my only friends for about half a year and this website is the only place that kept me from necking myself. You're all intelligent, beautiful women and can escape loneliness, I love you all ♥

No. 265853

Gosh that's great to hear! Very happy for you, thanks for sharing bc it gives hope for us all i'm sure.

No. 265920

Thank you nonna, that's really sweet ♥ Hope you're doing okay too, loneliness really eats you up. One tip is if you're a diagnosed autist (or diagnosed anything) I find others autists to be a lot easier to talk and relate to, besides getting a job where you interact with people all day but I know that's not achievable for everyone. And to cope with loneliness I find doing any kind of hobby (be it drawing, crochet, playing an instrument, writing, or even just reading books, listening to music or watching movies) helps take your mind off of things and embrace your own company, especially the ones where you're working with your hands.

No. 268031

i don't deal with it, i am completely alienated, any attempt in returning to normality by igniting friendships fails miserably. i feel fundamentally unlikable and like i was born only to be used as a scapegoat, i really cannot work out why as i pander to people incredibly when speaking to them due to intense fears of rejection, i try my hardest to respect their boundaries without betraying my own, i try so hard to understand and support others, i am conciously trying to not diminish their opinions or emotions, because i know how it hurts when these social graces cannot be upheld.. maybe they can tell i am a coward. i don't know. every day i wake up and think what is the point when everyone has made their disdain for you so transparent? i am so uncomfortable even typing this as i feel like i MUST be a bad person for this to be my experience, and it's easier to gaslight myself into believing im some big monster bully, i genuinely don't know what anything means anymore, or what there is to try for, for a life alone? my world gets smaller and smaller every single day.

No. 268047

I wish I could meet someone like me. I'm autistic and I feel like the only way to have friends is to mask 24/7 and it's not worth it so I gave up. I get along with other spergy women but it's impossible to meet them IRL and I feel like it's become harder to make friends with other weirdos on the current internet. I know they weren't perfect but I miss the Livejournal and early Tumblr era. And forums too.

No. 268052

i feel exactly like this. i'm constantly walking on eggshells around people so they will like me as much as possible, and in the rare case i'm not and i feel like i can genuinely be myself i still end up getting crushed and thrown away by whoever i thought genuinely enjoyed my company. i try to distract myself from loneliness as much as i can but i'm just living life on autopilot, spending so many nights binge-drinking in front of a screen while everyone else is probably hanging out with their loved ones and being part of something i'll never fit in.
i really hope it gets better for you nona, and i'm happy about having found this thread at least, it's quite comforting.

No. 268163

same to you anon, your reply means the world to me, you're the only person who has ever seemed to be able to grasp what i'm talking about. i can relate to the autopilot thing too, as soon as i am away from stimulation, i start to cry because my thoughts are flooded with unbearable memories, even completing the most mundane of tasks. i just can't help but feel like im stuck in some terrible nightmare loop, with its only intent to remind me i am unworthy of humanity. i send the most warm of well wishes back to you, i know you need it

No. 268180

you should join the discord. it's intimidating because most of the activity is in the private channels obviously but if you can get over the hurdle of chatting enough in the public channels to get verified it's really nice. i also miss lj and forums

No. 268273

I completely relate. the parts you mentioned about trying so fucking hard for everyone else because you know exactly how it feels and feeling as though there's something wrong with you at your very core is something I can relate to so closely. it's terrifying and I don't know what's wrong with me but at the same time, if this is how other people are, do I even really want to be in their company? it feels like every connection I make with other people can only go so far before it fails and sinks. it genuinely is like torture at this point, especially when I'm in my twenties and I really cannot see any way of getting out of it since I graduated during the pandemic and am already struggling to find a non-WFH job. at the very least, I hope it helps to know you aren't alone. I hope things change for us soon nona

No. 268623

I stopped drinking about 2 months ago and as much as I'm glad I stopped for health reasons it's made my loneliness so much more palpable. I had one super close best friend up until a falling out a few years ago and have not made a single friend since. It honestly wasn't that bad until I decided to go sober because I'm a solitary type person who can easily amuse myself on the internet and when I did get lonely I could always drink it away, but now that I gave that up it's really made me notice how much I miss having a close friend. It doesn't help that I recently moved to a totally new place, and it's a small town not some bustling city where it's a lot easier to just be by yourself. I can't even bring myself to use the friendfinder thread here because I feel like a feral turbosperg who is incapable of fitting in. Most of the time I don't really think about being a loner, in fact I even find there are some benefits to it, but when I do realize the negative side it absolutely stings. Honestly I really miss my old best friend, I sometimes feel like I squandered the one person who could put up with me. I know she's the type to hold a grudge though kek so I feel our relationship is unsalvageable, plus it's literally been years. I want to make new connections with people but it feels so impossible or just not worth it, so I'll continue to just find ways to be content on my lonesome I guess. I am very thankful for this site, it's nice to know that there are other women out there who walk a similar path to mine.

No. 268665

Fuck that, if your vibes are even slightly autistic you'll be stuck with some random ass accusation after like a day of being in the server

No. 268736

i'm easily the spergiest one in there and i haven't been capped.
>don't use your main account
>don't act like a cow

No. 270083

What do people want out of friendships? I'm trying my best to be a better person for myself and others, but it feels like it's not enough. I still haven't made any lasting friendships in YEARS. I'm in my mid 20s and realized that if I had an emergency in town and didn't have family around I would NOBODY to call to help me. The thought of that freaks me out so much I have heart palpitations at night. It's literally breaking me inside, I used to be normal and had friends in school, as soon as that ended I lost all contact with everybody and now I'm self-isolated. I don't know what the fuck broke inside to be like this now.
All I do is work, go home, sleep, maybe watch a show and listen to music. I don't go out because I'm afraid of going alone, but I can't exactly meet anybody if I never go out. I should be able to form connections on the wild West of the the internet but having anything like an account attached to me freaks me out too much, that's why I'm stuck on anonymous imageboards.

Sorry for the rant, I'm feeling it extra bad today. At least I have pets (that I talk to) so I have something to keep me from sewer sliding

No. 270087

I completely relate on not wanting to have accounts attached to you, and it sucks because that seems like an easy way to meet new people but I get stupid paranoid at the idea of it backfiring. I'm grateful for anonymous sites like this but it truly isn't the same as ones where you do need a profile of some sort, plus even those don't guarantee making friends or something. I'm sorry you're feeling it bad today nonny, I hope tomorrow and the days to come are easier on you

No. 271331

I think I'm an extrovert with spegy social anxiety problems. I love being around people and it feels good, but I don't have any friends. I am doing school online and I am extremely isolated, I dont talk to basically anyone. People say to find yourself in the loneliness and learn to deal with it but I cannot, I literally need someone, anyone to talk to. I honestly feel like I'm losing my mind. I also think I cant make friends because I am sort of misanthropic, I hold disdain for so many people I meet. How on earth do I fix this, I feel like I am losing my life to my own idiocy.

No. 271342

I've been an anxious loner since puberty hit. I think puberty might be the trigger that set me off. I'd full on agoraphobia for a few years and that eventually watered down to me just having social anxiety/crowd anxiety and me not liking to travel too far. Kinda manageable compared to how I was at my lowest point. I'm not a neet living a miserable life with my dad at like 30… that was the nightmare situation I alway feared my life would become. I live alone and work at least.

So I'm functional now but I don't speak to people any more than I absolutely have to for work or while running errands. The last couple years I'm starting to yearn for just one companion person. I still need alot of quiet time but not all the time. I'm so used to dodging and avoiding people that today I really fucked up a chance at reconnencting with someone when I randomly bumped in them in public. I could kick myself.

Something similar happened a few months back and I'm beyond frustrated with my old habits that linger like this. I must give off a rude and uninterested vibe but these last two times.. that could not be further from the truth. Inside I'm dying to connect with one of these two people and I just fucking blanked them for what? I tend to need other people to take initiative but now I can't even respond well when that is handed to me? I have 10 foot tall walls built around me and I don't even fully understand my own problem. After all these years I'm still baffled at myself.

No. 271344

Maybe therapy would help you figure it out since you can’t seem to figure it out yourself.

No. 271413

i've ruined friendships with people who actually wanted to spend time with me and were interested in me because i was too busy crying and pining after people who don't give a shit about me and now i am all alone

No. 271417

why do you feel disdain for the people you meet? differing views/interests? from your post it sounds like you might have to assess your standards if you are craving interaction this desperately

No. 271561

Idk what's wrong with me. I've been trying my best to become a normie, and whenever people tell anecdotes about their friends I try to chime in with one about my friends (of which I have zero lol) but its like they can see right through me. I said something the other day, and this guy looked at me and said "You have friends??" - it was a joke but it really upset me. Like, I can pretend to be a normal adult but deep down everyone around me knows that I'm a friendless loser. I speak to a lot of my co-workers and people I've grown up with in passing, but I have no actual friends. The only person who ever texts/calls me is my mom, who I love but I feel like as an adult I should have at least one fucking friend. Since I've stopped being a hikki, I find myself craving friendship more than I ever have. I guess it's because I now know what forming relationships with other humans feels like so I want that. But it just sucks. I feel like everyone I want to be friends with is just humoring me and they never make any effort to actually involve me in things, and I don't want to force my way into friendship circles because I don't want to seem more desperate/creepy than I already am. I also feel too anxious to go to normal friend-making activities that people in these threads usually suggest so I'm stuck trying to be friends with people who've already known me for a while (and have therefore probably decided during that time that I'm not someone they want to be friends with in the first place). I also can't afford therapy. I just want normie girl friends but it's like they can smell the tism from a mile away

Maladaptive daydreaming about friends is so easy and actually trying to make new friendships is so hard. I know I can't go back to being a shut-in but I miss the safe feeling it used to bring.

Me too nonnie

No. 271572


I think maybe it is less of a disdain and more discomfort. I feel like I don't understand the way people talk to each other, it feels like meaningless rabble. Part of it it honestly just the school I go to in a shitty place where a lot of people are annoying stoner types, but obviously part of it is my thinking. I've had people that I think are kind and interesting people, but I cannot stand to be around them. I don't share interests and views with many people but at this point I don't care all too much. Jesus typing this out makes me think im autistic

No. 271615

I get like this too. I like the idea of being around people in theory but when I'm actually in that situation I just feel uncomfortable and irritated by everyone even though they haven't done anything wrong. I have this frustrating cycle of getting lonely, seeking out people, and then almost immediately feeling tired and annoyed by them for no reason so I ghost. It's definitely a problem with my own thinking but I'm not sure how to fix it.

No. 271811

I used to feel this way too and I'd get into the cycle exactly as you'd described. Get really lonely and start hanging out with people, eventually get my fill and then become frustrated and annoyed, distance myself, and then repeat. I think your surroundings play a big factor, so I do think it's possible that the people around you just might not be your vibe. I also found what helped me from falling into this cycle was not taking an all-or-nothing approach to my friendships/social interactions. With most people, if I spend too much time with them I get exhausted or annoyed eventually. I think it's definitely okay to space out the amount of time you spend with someone so that you don't get in a place where they end up annoying you and in my experience, most people don't really care if you do that. What also helped me was understanding that people can fill different roles in my life. Some people might just be your friend for the moment because you don't have anyone else to talk to and that's okay. It would be nice if all of our friends (or even one or two of them) were friends who understood our experiences and who we could talk to about everything and anything, but until you find those people I still think it helps to have people to talk to- even if it's about mundane (or sometimes) annoying things. I try to look at the bigger picture. If someone cares about me (even just as an acquaintance) and enjoys talking to me enough to reach out to hang out (or show up when I ask them to hang out), then that feels really nice and I can overlook the smaller things about our friendship that annoy me. Obviously that doesn't mean you should just hang out with anyone, but if it seems like they care about the friendship, and you as a person, then at least to me that outweighs some of the smaller things that bother me.

Sorry if this is useless advice. For a period of time I was really isolated and can relate to a lot of what you anons are saying. I think isolation isn't always bad so if ultimately you'd rather be alone than interact with people because it's too much, then that's okay. I just remember that in my isolation period that my mental health was really fucked and the isolation really added to that, so I just wanted to add my two cents of how I kind of "got over" being tired of everybody, since I really just needed to talk to someone at that point (even if I didn't want to).

No. 271830

i have no siblings, no father, my mother is distant and abusive mentally and sometimes physically. i have no other family near me, no romantic partner and barely any regular friends. i would say 3 at most, but i don't even talk to those more than 3 times a week.
i just feel incredibly alone and i don't know what to do about it. i have tried making more friends, as many people have adviced me to, but it basically didn't work.
i also lately failed all of my exams, which is unusual for me, but i have been very influenced negatively by my environment. nothing in general seems to be going well and i can't seem to find a solution at this point.

No. 271836

Does anyone else feel like they are unapproachable? I never get approached in the street or during events despite being alone 99% of the time, this is why during my pickme days I thought harassment wasn't a thing because it never happened to me. On one hand I'm not complaining because I'm completely invisible to retarded moids but on the other hand I wish I could meet people organically, I'm particularly frustrated because I have no friend who listens to the same music as me, meeting people during concerts is seemingly impossible. I'm not ugly or anything, maybe I give off bad bitch vibes or something.

No. 272099

i just turned 33 and i have few friends in my city, a decent job, an apartment i pay too much money for and no relationship. i'm constantly working to improve myself but i feel invisible all the time. i feel like it's too late for me

No. 272120

just cry and slowly die on the inside

No. 272121

You're 33 go out and have fun your not even old. Go out to parties and socialize I promise you it is not too late ur 33 for gods sake not 65. Spice life up a bit yolo

No. 272144

the most social people I know are in their late 50s/60s no joke.

No. 272161

Friends are just not worth it for me. Every "friend" I have had has been flaky and it only gets worse as you get older. The amount of times someone invited me to something only to cancel the last minute or show up very late, like why the fuck did you invite me in the first place? Make me waste my time getting ready and driving there if you didn't actually feel like going?

I'm grateful for my husband at least, he is really laid back and down for whatever but without him I would be very lonely and that is a scary fact. I wish I had a group of girlfriends to do stuff with but all these people want is to go to shitty dive bars and then don't even show up have the time.

No. 272191

I have remote job away from friends in my hometown and family. Which results in me not talking to anyone for days, weeks, maybe months… Never had relationship, no online friends either. Sometimes I don't even feel like a person but some foreign entity.

No. 272210

Same. I don't drink anymore (had an ex that became a cheating alcoholic so that turned me away from it), but all everyone talks about is going to restaurants to drink or going to crappy bars. Getting wasted isn't my idea of a good time. I want friends I can go hiking with, visit conventions, or hell just window shopping.
Wow this is me. I had lots of friends in school, but once that ended I have made absolutely none. I work, go home, sleep, repeat. Too tired to do anything else. I thought I'd make friends at work, but they're all assholes with an established clique and are alcoholic wine moms. I don't have my own car yet (just an issued work car that employers are very strict about using only to work and back). I'm afraid of going out alone too, as I'm petite and I don't want to put myself in danger. I get paranoid about being kidnapped or robbed and so when I do go out, I'm way too vigilant to relax and don't stay out long.

No. 272304

I have a decent amount of friends but I'm incredibly lonely on the relationship front. All my life I've been the single friend, and the two people I've dated only lasted a couple of months. And honestly I don't really want to be in a relationship but feel like I need to get one because I'm 25 and other people expect it of me. So I'm trying to get over it. I'm not completely opposed to being in a relationship, I just don't feel like going out of my way to create one

No. 272307

If you don't want to be in a relationship don't force yourself, it'd probably end in a disaster.

No. 272324

I will never be able to totally open up to anyone. No matter how close were are I could never trust someone because chances are theyre only listening out of politeness. I just don't think anyone actually cares. I don't want to burden them as a shoulder for me to cry on. I'm happy to do it for anyone else but because the action is indulgent and many are selfish they would never do the same for me or show true concern.

No. 272344

this thread is making me so wistful. i want to be friends with all of you nonnas. the only online place i know of thats designed to make female friendships is the friend filter on bumble and every single woman i have seen only lists generic interests like drinking/clubbing/local sports teams. good for them but that just isn’t me

No. 272348

Ugh I had a dream I was hanging out with this girl I knew from work that I really wanted to be my friend, I just asked her if she wanted to go shopping with me and she said yes and we hung out the whole day and had a nice time. It was the most fun I had in months but then I woke up and it was all a dream fml. I can't even give it a shot irl because she doesn't work with me anymore.

I'm the same I feel like I'm not fully an 'adult' because I don't really want to go out for drinks or clubbing like most young adults do. I'd much rather go shopping or to a museum or something. There's this concert I want to go to later in the year but I'm afraid I won't be able to go without someone with me bc it's in a big city 3+ hours away. I never feel comfortable just to invite my coworkers out with me or to my home because I don't feel like I'm close enough to them outside of work? But I know I wont be closer to anybody if I don't do that.

No. 272352

Same here.

It's not even that I avoid normie women, they don't even wanna be my friend kek.

As for men, I'd rather be lonely and celibate vs go though the process of dating. Regular loneliness is a background noise you can mostly ignore but being gaslighted, criticized, taken for granted, and heartbroken is debilitating.

No. 272358

>bad at making friends since day one
>spends most of my time as a kid alone and talking to myself
>”when i will grow up THIS will SURELY change”
>high school
>goes out with classmates once or twice
>enter college
>this will SURELY change
>two people i barely had as friends in hs already moved on
>spends two years at uni alone
>i try to make friends at uni
>they sit with me for five minutes then ignore me for the rest of the term
>gets the message
>finally gets that it prolly wont change
>the japanese proverb that goes like a man’s soul at 3 is the same at 100 or something idk
It’s cool until you look back at the last six months and remember that you spent all the time by yourself. Like you never even hung out with a friend

No. 272362

i know. no one has really foisted their expectations on me, which is really nice, but being reminded of what you’ve missed because of what other people say or do with their friends is agonizing. i get little things like
>wow you’ve never been to X place? didn’t you say you grew up here?
and it hurts because the reason i haven’t been to these places is because of the gaps of time in my life where friends were supposed to be

No. 272363

NTA but the worse things is when they get that look in their eye when you don't possess the Normal Social Prerequisites…like when you never traveled or went to X place (X place being heavily prosocial and not centered on a solitary activity) or have social media (who would add you anyway?)
It just weirds them out to the point where they're put off from your friendship. And then it begins again. Just a shitty loop.

No. 272364

NTA but the worse things is when they get that look in their eye when you don't possess the Normal Social Prerequisites…like when you never traveled or went to X place (X place being heavily prosocial and not centered on a solitary activity) or have social media (who would add you anyway?)
It just weirds them out to the point where they're put off from your friendship. And then it begins again. Just a shitty loop.

No. 272365

This is like identical to my experience

No. 272366

I'm glad this thread exists. I guess this will be a little vent, but I'm so tired of trying to make friends.
The last people I met were fun until I saw how they deal with conflicts and life itself. I'm not desperate enough to tolerate 30 year old teenagers, so I ended up distancing myself.
I only have one woman friend and she's very nice and we share many interests, but as soon as she met her moid, she disappeared. It doesn't help that sometimes it feels like she only seeks me to vent about the dumb life decisions another girl friend of hers makes. But in the end, guess what? It's that girl she calls to have lunch with her or spend the night at her house.
Idk nonnas, I'm feeling so hopeless that I'm searching for comfort in being a loner for real. Still, I don't think that asking for a real friend is too much.

No. 272392

I legitimately feel like a ghost. Every new workplace, school, club I join I am invisible to other people. They may approach me and say hello but they don't talk to me like they do with other people. I don't know why I'm so off-putting.

No. 272397

Long time lonely anon, first time poster just here to vent. As a child I was desperate for the “cool girls” to like me, but always had too much self awareness so I never actively try and be friends with them. I just always quietly did what was cool and desperately hoped one of them would notice and adopt me or something. This worked sometimes, but those friendships never lasted because they were never built on anything real. I was always one mask slip or mood swing away from alienating these hard-won acquaintances after all.
As I got older, people became very #nonewfriends so I spiraled further into loneliness. Every acquaintance turned almost friend I’d meet would be polite but never truly wanted that deep friendship and I learned to accept that. Somehow got a boyfriend (my worst mistake) and lost all of those surface level connections as well in an effort to keep him happy. Tried to recover after the break up and was doing alright given all of the time I had lost. Then a pandemic hit, my mid twenties hit after that, and now I’m in another country with no friends or prospects for anything better than what I have now. All my needs are met but the closest thing I have to a friend is whatever YouTuber I’m focused on at the moment.
When I was younger I constantly thought I could never feel any lonelier than I did back then but I’m objectively lonelier now than I ever was. I was always told that I should make friends by therapists and various family members aware of my problem, but it never “worked” for me. I used to assume it was because of my weight or appearance but any efforts to self-improve my way into friendship would backfire the minute the most minor inconvenience would come up with either of us. I feel desperate whenever I initiate anything and I’d be overwhelmed if someone tried to initiate friendship with me at this point. What if some people are just meant to be alone? And if so, why does it feel so upsetting?

No. 274223

>But in the end, guess what? It's that girl she calls to have lunch with her or spend the night at her house.
extensively relating to this

No. 274293

When I see couples in public I feel like harming myself.I feel so unloved.If I see a hug,a kiss on the cheeck,holding hands I feel so excluded from this experience and I don’t know how to control this reaction.I try looking the other way in public but it burns my heart and I get reminded how untouched I am.The only men that seem to aproach me are weird dudes with socially questionable attitudes which I give a chance to because I tell myself not to be picky but in the end I get either groped or creeped out. I have no girlfriends anymore, it seems I can never get past the initial stage with anyone. We talk we laugh but nothing ever grows out of it. It’s like they see nothing in me. I never said anything weird and out of place so I wonder what turns them off. Maybe I seem boring but it’s not like I talk about anything with people who are almost strangers, so I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. I see others who also don’t say anything extraoridnary or personal but they seem to be able to form a group . I haven’t met anyone I would really want to be friends with but I keep talking and seeking people because I don’t like this lonley feeling anymore. I thought I don’t need others and that I like it on my own but these past years with almost no contact have showed me that I do need to be around people and I am almost ashamed that I want it but don’t manage to get it.

No. 274296

I feel this. I'm so ignored even when I speak. I'm not even quiet or insecure about myself, people just ignore me like I'm not there at all. I want a friend and a boyfriend.

No. 274313

> Maybe I seem boring but it’s not like I talk about anything with people who are almost strangers, so I don’t know what I’m doing wrong.
You just worded what it always feels like when I attempt to talk to other people and make friends. I think they assume that I am boring. However, I have lots of interests, albeit maybe a little weird or niche, but still. I’m not comfortable with telling someone all about myself in the first or second conversation. Maybe because I am scared of being judged or looking bad, but mainly because I’m a private person and only want to share with someone I trust.
>I see others who also don’t say anything extraoridnary or personal but they seem to be able to form a group.
Exactly. I’ll see someone talking to another person once or twice, when they aren’t exactly bubbly or an open book either, yet they will be invited to lunch and asked to join group chats nearly the next day. I don’t get it. I feel like I’m doing everything “right”, but even the people that do all the “wrongs” make more friends than I do.
Is there just something with us that tips off people we aren’t worth talking to? Are we intimidating or something? I’ve managed to make friends in high school, but haven’t since college and not into my adulthood. Even when I go out of my way to talk to someone and put energy into it, they don’t seem to be responsive to that and don’t want to be friends. It’s not equal.

No. 274326

I’ve also last had friends in highschool but we broke off either because they started to act straight out shitty to me so I stepped down not be treated that way or because we only talked cause we were in the same class. I’m jealous of those who managed to have their hs group last. Now those I meet usually have a tight knit group around who they won’t introduce you to. Everyone is paired up, no matter how boring dumb ugly idk nothing seems to stop them. I can’t see where I’m lacking. I’ve tought that in relations there are those who initiate and those who accept and you are expected a role, so I thought maybe others are just waiting for me to always take the first step, but it hurts when you feel like you are only one extending your hand.

No. 274332

Same, I had to break it up with my high school friends because one started treating me poorly, thinking I was stealing male attention from her (she was a pickme) and she was also dating minors online which grossed me out. The other friend ended up being a homophobe and just started lying and ghosting when we made plans.
Anyways, you’re right, everyone seems to already have an established group of friends and there never seems to be an opening or an “in”. Even in high school, before I was in the picture, my friends were already an established group, but I was luckily enough to be “accepted” and given a spot. There’s nothing wrong with me either, and I have played both roles of “initiate” and “passive”, both yielding little to no results.
At this point, I wonder if it’s because these people are close-minded, or too comfortable and don’t want to meet anyone new. It’s almost like we are being judged against their current friends, and if we would “blend in” enough with their current group. I don’t need to be initiated into a group, I just at least want a single friend to talk to regularly. Maybe I’m just ranting but it sucks some people seem to have an easier time than others and that no matter how hard we try, we can’t make a lasting social connection.

No. 274608

i used to be super extroverted, talktative and made an effort to talk to everyone when I was in school. i remember a new girl sitting alone at lunch and my friends refusing to sit with her and me going and sitting with her to ask her how she is doing even tho i was very shy. it was a boarding school so I figured she would like if someone showed her around.

i had a nice small group of friends, two other girls and it was so fun. they were nothing like me but idk I just vibed with them.

school ended and I decided to go to the states for college. i had an awfully hard time making friends. one of the biggest colleges and I cant seem to make a single friend despite wanting it so badly. this experience made me an introvert and I consistently stayed in my room. i had a boyfriend in another state who would fly to me once or twice a month. and he ended up being a pedophile…

sadly he was my only friend so now i could talk to no one about this as my old friends hardly use social media. sometimes i wish i had a girl group in a foreign country. we could just watch movies and talk about anything. i feel like i have wasted my youth and now i wont have any friends as making friends after 20s is said to be hard. nonnies help.

No. 280831

Tips on coping when your only friend is finding another group of people to hang around? We've both only had each other for years and now I'm feeling left out, but to make matters worse they keep going on about how much more fun the others are

No. 281078

I have no friends and this old lady who lives in my neighborhood is trying to set up a hangout between me and this other girl my age in the neighborhood who she knows
it's so awkward, I don't want to show up and scare this girl off with my autism but at the same time apparently she has no friends either so idk, torn between whether I should risk suffering through the awkwardness for the small potential of a friendship or play it safe and stay alone

No. 281085

This is so cute, do it!!

No. 281137

File: 1660244157682.png (55.85 KB, 275x248, pepenona1.png)

Gore below, don't scroll.

No. 282453

File: 1660821352583.png (665.46 KB, 680x680, EoejDgzUwActPEM.png)

Currently getting crushed by loneliness, summer is the worst season for me as I always get depressed for various reasons, none of my friends are in the city and I'm hardcore questioning some of my life choices, constantly ruminating some decisions and if they were bad. Can't wait for September to come, I'm suffocating.

No. 287137

being a loner is somewhat tolerable when you live in a disassociative state with no connection to what goes on in other people's lives, as soon i take the leap to reassimilate it rips the wound open all over again. i have no idea what its like to not be a background character anymore

No. 288799

I unironically do just use dating apps to get some kind of a socialization rush. Even know I'm drinking and thinking about how fun it'd be just to go out and talk about life and shit with a stranger shitfaced, I'm not even interested in sex stuff, I just want to be out downtown having drunk fun. I have no friends and college-aged kids feel way too young to leech onto for company. And I don't want to actually ask any guy out because they'll think I want a lay, while I just want that stupid early adulthood stuff I mostly missed out on.

No. 288907

Internet has ruined me to the point where i find it difficult socialising with people thinking they are too normie and predictable. The guys I meet IRL seem like they have no personality, and therefore spark no interest in me meanwhile the guys I meet on random discord servers seem much more interesting. I don't think I can ever find genuine friends with this type of outlook and know I sound like a horrible person.

No. 288922

I don't think you're horrible, just used to instant gratification. People are so much more interesting online, perhaps because they can be more candid and outlandish? And if these are interest-based servers you're likely to run into people very similar to you, with an almost immediate camaraderie or mutual understanding. Nothing like offline interactions where you get stuck in small talk and trying to appear socialiable and it takes forever to get to the really interesting stuff people have in their heads. Maybe try to stick it out a bit longer? I can't vouch for any man being worth talking to (they're all empty inside lol) but normies in general may have some unique thoughts, things they can teach you, or just offer you good company if you're willing to relax and open up to the experience. Could it be you're afraid of them having written you off in much the same way— like "oh she's too weird"— so you deride and reject them preemptively? Not trying to therapise, I just know I can get like that at times myself. Anyways I hope you can make some good friends and have a riveting conversation or too. I'm rooting for you Nonette

No. 289035

I'm the same way since I'm terminally online even though I'm busy with grad school. I really wish I had female friends though. All my online friends happen to be men and I guess it's because I'm more comfortable speaking my mind around them. All my classmates just seem way too normie for me and I have doubts I'll ever really be friends with them.

>Could it be you're afraid of them having written you off in much the same way— like "oh she's too weird"— so you deride and reject them preemptively?
Really guilty of this btw. I'm a diagnosed autist so years and years of poor social experiences among other things has made my mindset default to preemptively reject normies. Rejection and traumatic events in my life furthermore has also made me super closed off to everyone.

No. 294577

My birthday is coming up. I'm thinking about buying a piece of cake and letting it go stale in the fridge because I forgot to eat it.

No. 294581

I think people like me are just destined to be alone. Friendships and relationships require too much effort which I don't always have the energy to give. Even when I do happen to form a close connection with someone, there's just a sick part of me that wants to cause drama, stir shit up, and basically be a dick and ruin the relationship. Don't know if it's out of self-loathing, a constant need for excitement, or some behaviour stemming from childhood trauma. Whatever it is, I'm just too broken to form and maintain stable relationships and I'll have to go to therapy to sort shit out before I hurt another human being again.

No. 294587

So why don't you just date online? This is most definitely not horrible. If you need a certain personality that's just the way you are.

No. 295012

File: 1666290848351.gif (1.3 MB, 540x378, 7af6d3c057090daf0e0f82d051ee43…)

My only close friend left me or should I say I left her because she pushed me under a bus for a pos guy she used to talk to. Both me and another friend (which we have drifted apart from by now) supported her throughout the entire situation and I encouraged her to be more assertive. Recently she said that she decided to become more assertive and start by talking to the moid who treated her like dogshit again, then telling me she feels like I influenced her to ghost him and that she didn't actually want to do that, blah blah blah, she just started to miss him and after months of saying how much she disliked him and laughing at him together she thought to make me the scape goat for her choices. It feels like shit.
We've only been friends for little over a year, we met at uni. She was the only irl friend that I valued so much and was seeing regularly. Everyone else has no time to see me or lives too far away. Just a month ago we were making plans how to meet more people as she is pretty lonely and friendless herself, now I'm back to this. Ironically I'm more equipped to befriend someone and bounce back from this because she's rather shy and I'm more outgoing and charismatic. So actually, many people approach me and talk to me. It's just that it never goes past that and they don't stay in touch no even when I try. They all have their own friend groups or are busy with work. On top of that I'm usually treated as a novelty by people because I'm a weirdo, but happen to have social skills and can make people laugh easily.
All the years of sitting alone in my room in isolation before uni came back to me. I felt lonely before but at least I had one good friend or so I thought. I feel so depressed. Not giving up yet but. Idk.
I'm considering becoming a smoker so I can have an excuse to meet people during smoke breaks or to start a conversation if someone asks me for a lighter. I thought about just going outside to the city just to smoke somewhere and hope I can bump into someone and make a friend.
Other than that I thought about dating apps, not because I want a relationship but just to have an excuse to go out and maybe get introduced to more people this way. Maybe some speed dating events? Going to museums alone, volunteering. Those are things I've thought about. This 'break up' (which is pretty much that I didn't message anything else to my ex friend after she said she disagreed with me when I texted her that I think she's being extremely unfair to me bc yeah, this shit happened over text) affected me so much that I've decided to get stoned for the first time over the weekend. Rethink my life. Think of something to do. I have so much free time that I will lose once I graduate and I'm wasting it in loneliness because I don't have anyone. I even thought about going clubbing on my own and risk getting harrassed by horny moids just so I'm not wasting away in my room or on a park bench.
I relate to so much of what other nonas wrote here, it really does like some people are just meant to be alone, but I can't live like that or at this rate I'll just kms the moment my parents die and I'm left with nobody close. I need to fucking fight

No. 295069

File: 1666316262567.png (182.9 KB, 339x340, 1663574706336.png)

This is how I cope.

No. 295070

These are good ideas for meeting people, nona. I want to try art classes or something where I might have luck meeting similar people. It's really hard though. There are so few spaces to just hang out and see other humans existing (at least here in BurgerLand).

No. 295307

Thanks anon. It's the same here too. Sometimes I feel like most people just don't want to make new friends. Or maybe I'm bad at reading the signs. I really want to take some sewing classes but they're quite expensive.

No. 295313

off topic but that is one of my favourite images on the internet, even more so than other cute cat pictures which i already love, in ways i cannot explain

No. 295443

I'm turning 31 in a couple months and I'm legit so fucking lost in ldn. I've lost all my friends either through normal growing apart stuff or just hiding myself away.
I've even started talking to an old male friend of mine who I stopped talking to when I realised he was a fucking creep. a pathetic compulsive liar who has lied about me, and at least 9 other girls to each other - that we're dating or we all like him but our "evil and abusive" boyfriends are stopping us from being with him.
I don't like being lonely and alone but I'm sort of stuck now. Even though I'm with my partner and I love him it's obviously different.
Even social interactions on discord seem too awkward for me now and it's so fucking draining to relearn it all

No. 297682

File: 1667602548011.gif (448.45 KB, 500x275, dr-who-rain.gif)

There is a restaurant close to my busstop that looks interesting so I went to tripadvisor to see the reviews and all the reviews talks about how cosy the atmosphere is because there are several couples and groups of people and you can hear so much chatter. Many of the reviews also talks about how their friends or boyfriends introduced them to the restaurant and I feel a tiny bit of jealousy.
Moving to the city in general has been kinda hard. When I take the bus during the weekends I pass several quaint restaurants and small cafes. They are all filled with people chatting it up and they look so happy and cozy.
I feel like in general I have done major progress with my social awkwardness but I will never reach a point in my life where I can connect to people and make friends. No one will ever hit me up on a weekend night and ask me to go to a cute cafe just to chat

No. 297686

I feel you nonna. I was in a similar situation when I moved to my city, I saw so many cute little cafes I wanted to go to but felt awkward going by myself. But one weekend I had nothing to do, all my chores were finished and I didn’t want to spend the day rotting in my room, so I put on a cute outfit and went to one of the cafes with a book and just sat at a table outside and watched the world go by. It was almost like taking myself on a date. I say if you want to check these places out 100% go for it, I used to work in service and a lot more people dine alone than you’d think. Also if it’s a slow day you might be able to strike up a conversation with your wait staff! Best of luck

No. 297696

File: 1667608673665.gif (406.8 KB, 498x466, peachycats.gif)

that's actually sounds really cozy. Thank you do much nona for suggesting this I might do it a day where I'm not drowning in work. It sounds much healthy than rotting in my room. Besides I just got a new book so this is a great way to start reading it

No. 297741

I also worked foodservice and I can attest we had a lot of single diners, I never thought it was weird or anything. Go out and enjoy cute cafes, bring a book or bring headphones if you want something to do. It’s nice to go somewhere new by yourself sometimes.

No. 297743

File: 1667636395309.png (589.58 KB, 575x579, Screen Shot 2022-11-05 at 1.19…)

bring a notebook or laptop and write something at the restaurant, anything, even just stream of consciousness stuff. you'll seem busy and everyone could use writing practice, could even become a new art form for you and someone might even want to socialize if they're curious about what you're writing

No. 297757

Yesterday I went to the city to buy something and there was a big event. Sitting in the bus and in front me two girls who are showing each other text messages and laughing. Made me very sad for myself later I saw them in the city walking through the streets giggling. Me still alone. Could have been that I go to the city to meet friends but no. My only social interactions are with a salesman to ask for a price and the cashier and then with a worker from McDonald’s. I sat there and ate my big mc alone watching all the couples. While walking through the city I recognized many man are giving me a crooked smile idk what that means. Later I look at a woman because I love her outfit, she keeps eye contact with me for thousand of years. Idk what she meant with that. Crossing a street in a crowd and my eyes lock with a man idk what is happening the ground slips away under my feet and I feel like I’m in an endless ocean. On the other side of the street tears shoot into my eyes. What is this life.

No. 298426

File: 1668037137420.jpg (46.6 KB, 564x688, ee8388cb09137f71602483f8e3684f…)

genuinely can't tell if I'm bothered or not by how little human interaction I have. i'm basically a hikki in that I have zero reason to leave my house, so I don't. I only talk to my parents and my boyfriend, who's in college so he's busy a lot, and they all live several hundred miles away. I have a car but am terrified of driving; I live in a place where I can walk but I have absolutely nowhere I want to go. today I left the house for the first time in over a week to go to the park and it wasn't that great. honestly I can't be bothered to get out and it doesn't help that literally nothing happens here. Sometimes I feel lonely so I go and post shit like this or talk to people on discord, and then I lose interest. Even if I was bothered by it I know I can't do anything so most of the time I'm apathetic. it's just in these fleeting moments where I get sad about it that idk if I'm actually upset about not having friends or just the stigma.

at this point having a pleasant non-functional conversation with somebody feels so impossible and not that interesting. but idk if I'm not interested bc I know it won't happen or bc i'm genuinely not interested. does anyone else feel like this?

Also if your loneliness comes in short bursts how do you cope with it? sometimes I watch youtube videos made by other women and it sort of helps. on the plus side, having no friends means I don't need to deal with toxic bullshit and I have a lot of time to write my novels. (side note: Writing is a really great hobby because the relationships I have with my characters are really great)

No. 298435

Fucking kill yourself scrote.

No. 298437

File: 1668042447579.jpg (247.67 KB, 750x938, 1657819274173.jpg)

>Loli shit
>wants a relationship with a man
>lesbian, bisexual or straight girl (biological female
You been posting your swill of a "dating advert" on here for years now, no women would want to be in contact with you nor even spare a thought towards a debased man like yourself that isn't an insult. Do the world a favour and just perish

No. 298462

when i was younger i didn’t really care and liked being alone now i feel terrible about it ,because i feel like im wasting my life people my age are enjoying their life with their friends but im here on my own. i think im depressed more about the reasons that made me a loner more than loneliness. i don’t have anyone to talk to when im depressed or even when im happy im not an outcast but i don’t have close friends that are similar to me, I don’t think I will ever find someone who’s like me irl so I’m trying to make online friends but it’s hard because im paranoid shy and i don’t use social media it makes me uncomfortable and idk what to post. i feel comfortable being alone but i hate in the same time.

No. 298976

File: 1668292678390.jpeg (105.25 KB, 1000x1500, anneli rufus party of one.jpeg)

nonas I want to recommend this book: 'Party of One' by Anneli Rufus. If you are a natural loner and crave solitude, but feel bad about it - read this.

She put something important in perspective for me. I don't feel bad because i'm alone (I've always craved solitude, I can only relax by myself and dread socialising) but I feel bad with other's reactions for my wanting to be alone. From being teased for being friendless at school and called weird, family and friends taking offence to it as an adult, calling me selfish, cold, aloof etc. Which is upsetting and guilt-intensifying as I do care for people, I just lack the capacity to be around them a lot. My pacing of friendship is very different.

These last few years I've really started to learn to let myself enjoy a solitary life, even though it has cost me some friendships and work opportunities, I feel much more at peace.

No. 298988

i relate to you nona. it sounds like you enjoy being alone for the most part, or at least prefer it to being around people but you maybe just lack meaning and connection in your life? i think i'm the same and it's a big part of what makes me depressed. i need to find my own meaning but it's difficult when we live in a society that tells us we're not meant to be alone (and yet makes it so hard to connect to people).

No. 299098

is anyone else tired of hearing how lonely normies are
this is like the sixth time ive read a story for someone complaining about loneliness (not on here) who has a list of friends to text and hang out with but "they don't reach out as much as I'd like" meanwhile I haven't hung out with anyone physically in years and have no contacts on my phone that are not relatives.

No. 299102

YES. some people really do think only seeing their friends 4 times a week and an hour without anyone messaging them back is being "lonely". I live alone, work alone, see a friend once a year (when I visit my hometown) and see my parents every couple of months. That is all.

No. 299106

this literally feels like something i couldve written. i hate that i give a shit about it but not enough to actually do something about it

No. 299132

I'm stuck in a vicious of friendshiplessness even though I am in a place right now where I could theoretically make good friendships (I think anyway) because making close friends would require me opening up about a lot of details I don't want to disclose to normies. I larp as a normie largely convincingly (I think anyway again) but part of it is keeping people at a distance to prevent them from digging too deep and having to be honest about my non-normie lifepath and it's consequences so far. I wish I could just have 1 or 2 irl friends who know what it's like to have all of your life from childhood to young adulthood fucked up by mental health issues, unstable home life and bad choices.

No. 299144

Yeah, no friends and, most importantly, no female friends or female best friend. I'm not in a suitable position for meeting new people (studying at home for some language exams and finishing my last uni project), so I don't know what to do. Next year I plan on doing a masters degree and I hope that, since it is very specific, I will meet someone with similar interests and eventually integrate/create a group. My cat and my dog are my best companions ♥

No. 299149

As I get older and reflect on my life I really have to wonder just what the fuck is wrong with me? I've never fit in, never been normal. It's like there's something about me that makes people avoid me, but for the life of me I can't figure out what it is. As a kid I was bullied and picked on a lot. Never had any real friends, everyone's last choice. Don't really know why. I got comments about dressing weird. We were poor so most of my clothes were hand-me-downs. I had nerdy interests, could be a bit of a sperg. These things are true for a lot of people and they still manage to find belonging, so what is wrong with me? As I got older I was mostly just ignored. Now I'm 30 and I don't have a single friend, never had a real relationship. I can't even make online friends. I just want to belong somewhere. Sorry for the vent, never really written this down anywhere.

No. 299171

There is no point bothering. Even if I looked for 60 years I would never find someone remotely like me who also attracts me. I gave up on it a loooong time ago. I can't remember a time it did not feel futile, I hate most people too it's like waiting in line to realize you're more hateful than You previously thought. Is all of life like this?

I hate most men after an hour of knowing them idk why

No. 302725

File: 1670393154657.jpg (133.71 KB, 1280x720, [SubsPlease] Bocchi the Rock! …)

i have never had a friend. i have never been to someone's house (never got invited), never went out with anyone ever (never got invited), never been privy to anyone's deepest feelings – or had them privy to my own – etc. not even my own parents know my internal self. only anonymous imageboards do.

my "best friend" in highschool only kept me around as a whipping girl. i look back at all the shit she did to me and it makes me so sad. but i had no prior reference; i thought that's what friends did.

i often wonder how is it possible for me to be so alone. it's just genuinely odd. or is it normal to just go through life not having any real, close connections?

anyway, i'm 23 soon. i have not had a single fun conversation with anyone IRL but my parents since 2017. even online i have had only one friend in all that time, and we don't talk anymore – even then it was just a casual banter type friendship. i will soon graduate uni having made absolutely no changes in my pitiful social life.

i just want friends, lc…i'm so, so tired of being alone. it isn't fun at all. i just want people to watch movies with online and talk to about things. i hate that i'm such a social autist, i hate that all my attempts to change end in awkward fumbling. but the older i get the wider the gap grows between me, largely isolated from humankind all my life, and other people. i think i'm going to be like this forever.

No. 302726

oh also, i can just kind of tell that i do worsen the mood when i come around. i don't add anything to it but a very awkward, pitying air. i'm used to being hit up out of pity, i can kind of tell the signs, and i hate making nice people feel as though they have to spend their time on me because it's the "kind" thing to do. there's no escape from this. i'm like a social hazard and i know it, but i still want to be with people

No. 302731

Are you me? I relate to everything in this post. My parents found it strange that I never had friends throughout my whole life. Sometimes I feel like a robot because I haven't made any close connections with a single soul. Even so I still desire connections with people.

No. 302740

i don't want to offer false hope by sharing info, but i hope things get better for us
do you suspect yourself of having avpd btw

No. 302766

i have severe trauma from being the outcast kid in primary school. never once had a sleepover, never had ‘playdates’ and never had one friend group on the playground. my supposed friendgroup on the very last day of school told me they were friends with me out of pity. that shit has stuck with me more than id like to admit

No. 302924

File: 1670459882804.png (247.49 KB, 1769x374, y.png)

anyone else do this

No. 302940

I've done the first and second paragraph with my ex gf before making a move. The third one, no

No. 302957

The first and second all the time. I cyberstalk basically everyone I'm interested in. That doesn't even just mean romantically. Like if I think you have interesting opinions I'll look up what I can off the info you give me. If romantic I do the gaming together, watching a movie together, etc. fantasizing absolutely all the time.

No. 303013

No, if I started to type out conversations with imaginary friends, I'd be sure I'm too far gone. I guess my loneliness is mainly because I'm not very interested in people in the first place.

No. 303029

I can relate to a lot, even down to the stress over driving, although I live in the city, so I don't really need to anyway. Most of my emotional outlet is dumping either here or other online platforms, I don't really have a creative outlet either, I usually either veg out or get caught up learning about shit that would never help me outside of some trivia competition. I don't even watch a lot of media, because even that's too much engagement sometimes. I do talk to some classmates, but it's always very impersonal, on the rare occasion I do need to talk about myself, I just LARP as a normal person and make shit up on the spot.

No. 303081

i wonder why learning that my pathetic loneliness isn't that odd a happening. i mean, logically i know it isn't, the world is full of lonely people, but to reminded of that fact somehow makes me even sadder

No. 303097

Seeing a YouTube vid of this woman doing a little brunch with her girl friends made my heart sank a little bit. I wish I could have a friend group like hers. Where do you even find people like these? The only people that like me are my relatives (which are like, four people) and the closest I'm with lives millions of miles away from me. I also kinda hate myself for being giddy when I see someone reply to me on this anonymous hellsite.

No. 303098

Christmas will be near and I'm gonna so not enjoy it. Once that day comes I'll be hearing the neighbors getting visits from their friends and families, giving each other gifts, eating out. Meanwhile, I'll be here getting no visits and being friendless. Guess I can just sob myself to sleep so I wouldn't hear their cheers. Gaaaah I don't want to be resentful to happy people who never hurt me who never hurt me aaaargh.

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