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I dunno. Currently I'm thinking about either continuing to play Wasteland 2 at 1;55am, or going to bed so I can make stuff tomorrow and hang with my housemates.
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You're allowed to try out different ways of doing things without fully committing either way. When life starts to feel uncomfy it's OK to change without feeling ashamed of your previous way of living.
I feel you on this anon, you sound just like me, I'm not sure I have avpd but a therapist once suggested it was possible. these last few years I actually felt normal about having no holiday or new years plans since a lot of people have been doing nothing because of the pandemic. I haven't 'done anything' for new years since I was a kid. do you live alone or with family? I at least have my parents so I'm not by myself since I live with them. I've been comfy in my lifestyle, like I've gone for years thinking 'well this is just me and how I live' and I can spend hours and hours alone no worries, but the loneliness can get suffocating at times when I daydream about having friends.
I think you should hope for change, if you're unhappy this way. I have no friends either, not one, but I sometimes get the idea I may use an app or join a club somewhere but I'm like you and I worry what any potential friend will think of me and my isolated life. I feel this way about work too, I want to get a new job around people but when others ask me about my life, what I like to do, if I'm in a relationship, I just feel so bad about myself, I want to cry because I'm so unhappy with how I live. I like some isolation but I want connection too.
Well the good thing is you're lovable enough that other people can get interested in you. The next step seems to become able either to give low-incidence personal info to internet friends, or to tell them "I'd rather not say for now"
Fortunately you get unlimited tries at this, and every time you try it'll be a bit easier to do it
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I don't feel like I really want or need friends or a relationship, provided I have my immediate family. But my sister is busy and getting married and my parents will die one day, so I'm worried about how I'll cope afterwards.
Though I guess I'll be an absolute mess when my parents die no matter what. I can't imagine other people making me feel better, at least my inheritance and subsequent retirement will mean I don't have to deal with coworkers etc expecting me to have a life. I can go full hikki.
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I moved at least 2x per year all my life until recently when I got to live alone and I'm just now getting out of the loneliness bubble but it's so difficult. I got a relationship but I crave for friendship so bad, but the only people who want to be friends with me are moids and I don't want male friends. I work in a mostly male field and most places to make friends are closed due to covid.
Just wish I could have a fucking friend I could talk to and share things with for once. I would be okay with online friends but I don't even know where to find those.
I stopped caring about being alone. Most people I've come across are fake and only care about their immediate family and just aren't interesting or funny to me anyway. I wish I had a best friend again but I doubt it will ever happen. I just focus my time on my hobbies and interests and bettering my life. Unless I'm being hit on by random dudes, it seems like no one gives a fuck about me (not that these men give a fuck about me as a person lmfao). Growing up without family and severe neglect has led me to dissociate really hard recently. It's my only mental illness. Just doesn't feel like anything is real when I'm not looking at a screen, in my daydream land, fantasizing or reading books for escapism by myself.>>220802>>220841>>220770
Same. Whenever I'm around people, I just don't feel any fucking thing at all though. What are the odds of meeting someone you click with? Even when I had the same interests as people, I just didn't feel a connection with them socially. The only person I care about is my boyfriend and the only people who make me genuinely laugh are the shit that anons say on this site. I don't come here often though.>>220777
Yep, my only family is my mom. When she dies, I'll be totally fucked and have absolutely nobody. Not really close with her because she's a horrible person and she also doesn't interact with me but she's the only person who provided a roof over my head.
It's not a healthy life but nothing I can do about being born into a bunch of weirdos who abandoned me and pretended like I don't exist since I was a young child.
The key to gaining confidence in yourself is to act confidently and do confident acts. In order to do this you have to identify how confident people act and do the same (easily found in fiction), and to avoid acting how insecure people act.
Those behaviors are rather diverse. For instance, very common acts of everyday nervousness are to lower your eyes when you pass by someone when walking, or to speak quickly or stutter when talking with a stranger. Maintaining your gaze or talking slower in that kind of situations will make you seem more confident, and the more you act confident the more people will treat you as such and convince you that you yourself are self-confident. Other ways to gain confidence are to get rid of your phobias, to dare go to the movies alone or to start eating spicier and spicier food (if you're a westerner)
Of course just doing those few things is not going to be enough to turn you into a badass bitch or a social butterfly, there's a hundred different ways insecurity is displayed or confidence is asserted, and even very confident-looking women can be in fact insecure messes. The ultimate step in self-confidence is then ~self love~
I don't put latinos in westerners. >>221298>all my life
That's precisely the point. If you ate spicy food all your life it's nothing in particular, but most people who never eat spicy food are terrified by it. You don't gain confidence by eating chilis, you gain confidence by doing something you're afraid of, then realizing that it really wasn't that bad.
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Holy fuck nona, I never related to a post here more than I have related to yours. I also grew up without a single sense of family and not being able to even find that in friends stings a fuckton, but hey, if nobody has my back at least maladaptive daydreaming will always be there for me lmao
In a weird way it feels comforting to know someone else is going through very similar shit.
I relate to you both a lot. My family wasn't close to me and after my mother died my loneliness became overwhelming. I had a close friend but she said she has feelings for me and got very passive aggressive and weird when I rejected her. So there's that.
My friend group has lately distanced themselves from me too since I'm not usually in a good mood.
I just try to study and do my college work, being alone sucks but at least I can spend my free time to build my career and better myself.
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I'm not sure what I feel is loneliness. It's mostly just not knowing how to get enjoyment out of life which for most people seems to involve hanging out and sharing ideas with people. It's been such a long while I had a friend group of any kind I feel like I can't even make jokes or puns anymore, I'm completely out of the loop on what is the "trendy" political opinion or the latest movie memes people make in real life. I still enjoy listening to people speak, but that kind of one-sided social situation can easily be mimicked by videos and streams nowadays. The problem with two-sided interactions is that I'm way too busy analyzing how I am acting or how I perceive myself in that situation so it offsets any type of joy it might bring. It's like I close off most interpersonal interactions by giving it a positive and negative score once it ended, and perceiving it as me ending in the red makes my mood a lot worse than just avoiding it altogether. I don't know if any of that makes sense.
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I feel you. Coworkers at jobs would talk about their family and what they did for the holidays and I just felt like a total outsider. I'll admit, sometimes it feels cursed because someone having virtually no family is rare and unheard of. It makes me feel awkward sometimes.
I'm sorry you're going through similar things as me, nonny
. I wish I could give you a hug!
it's an agonising existence. Even pre pandemic i couldn't get a bf but now…I have no idea what how to go about it and my life makes me sad
I frankly disagree. People aren't meant to be loners, socializing is good for us and so is creating and maintaining relationships (I don't necessarily mean romantic relationships here). Most people don't end up being true loners without a troubling past (mental health problems/illness, trauma whatever).
I've become comfy being a loner but I also know I ended up this way because of childhood trauma and severe social anxiety into adulthood and this isn't the healthy way to live.
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Right back at you, nona! Hope we can finally find something to lean on and call family sometime, or at least that we can do things so nice and great that it won't matter much that we're lonely.
On an unrelated rant, I really wish I weren't too old and cynical to be a weeb or be part of a fandom lmao it sounds super lame but I'd love to have friends with shared interests and do silly stuff like stupid art or write FanFiction of whatever and have internet friends that would care about it. I can't force myself to be into those things but NGL I get jealous of some minor cows here because they're so into some hobbies or shows and they have friends that care about it too lmao.
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I fell out with my group of high school friends due to differing interests and since then I haven't had any. In college I told myself I was fine only having my boyfriend. Now that I'm done and grown up I really wish I had made an effort to at least have some other relationships because I'm a little stunted now.
I feel comfortable being anon but irl I feel awkward socializing and psych myself out sometimes. Even on twitter and discord I see people making actual friendships where they get in these friend circles and even meet up in person. Tbh that's the most realistic situation where I'd get friends but some of these circles idk how to even get in them.
Are you really supposed to just start messaging someone a lot and hope they don't get annoyed? And I feel like not having pictures of myself also makes people think I'm a guy trying to creep. If I got a group of friends I'd post pics I just don't want to post on my profile for everyone online to see.
I haven't had friends since high school. I'm out of college now and still no friends, but I'm starting a new career so maybe I'll make friends with coworkers. Like many nonnas on this thread, I only had my boyfriend and thought that was enough. I was fine having 1 person in my life and that kept me satisfied. We were together for years, but unfortunately we broke up, and it happened in the worst way. He trooned out, had a complete 360 in personality and values, and became a degenerate. He was groomed by an older tranny and is now in their shitty cult. My ex was somewhat of a loner too, but he was an idiot that left for the first group of people that gave him validation, money, and attention. I guess I'm rambling, but this happening made me realize that you can't just have your partner be your only friend.
I don't mind being alone. I like my free time and don't really want to dedicate that time to anyone else. I just don't have the energy, except for maybe one other person. It was a rough transition having absolutely no one after the breakup, but I adjusted and got time for hobbies. I don't know what it's like to hang out with people for long periods of time anymore. I'm fine being my own company. I only worry about being alone for statistical reasons. Like if I had to have more surgery, who would be there to help me? Who would be my emergency contact? Things like that.
I feel like the only people I talk to these days are those who had ebstablished their own parasocial version of me in their head and I don't think I can be friend with any of them. I tried to reach out to one of them recently because they're the most active in interacting with me when I'm online, and when I checked on their profile we seem to have aligned interests.
I added friend them, we talked about different topics in which it sometimes a hit or miss, but overall no red flag.
Today loneliness has gotten into me, I decided to open myself up a bit to them about my struggle with social anxiety.
And their response was… disappointing.
It was exactly the same response of my ex friends, of those I tried my best to pour my heart out to them and begging them to give me some sort of mind solace, but they couldn't give me anything, neither this new person. What I got was "I get it." and There's nothing more to it.
I've given up, no one can understand me, no one can lend me an ear to listen to my problems, I'm so tired, I've given up on trying to find "a friend". Whether I've become egotistical or just sheer mentality ill. I don't know. I know that my last effort has yield to nothing. I will never open myself up to another person again. I will carry my burdens until they finally crush me into my grave.
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I like being alone in the general sense. I'm not good at forming close bonds with people. I have a few friends and siblings who get this about me and don't take it personally. I feel like social media did a number on people always expecting and recieving attention 24/7, which just isn't me. I call a friend a couple times a week who is a loner like I am, we talk for a little while and then go about our lives. I'm mental/trauma combo and just not being very good at recieving or giving affection. This extends to romantic relationships, the few relationships I've had I've always ended because I've never had the dream of having a life-time partner and starting a family. I get annoyed if a person is constantly invading my personal space, so I'm fine with celibacy. The few timse this genuinely bothers me is when it comes to jobs. I'm a wageslaver and a part-time artist, I sell my work, but it's never enough to pay bills, so I supplement with shit jobs. I didn't go to college because I've always hated school and didn't want to put the effort into getting a degree in a career I might not even care about in the long run. I've been thinking of trade school recently, but the jobs I'm interested in are male-dominated and I'm not sure if I can put up with sexual harassment. Now that I'm getting older I might not have to worry about it so much, but it's been a problem in the past. Another time being alone sucks is when I get into my head and all those demons start muttering around, which sucks. I usually just go out to a bar or late night coffee shop and strike up some meaningless conversation if it gets to a point where it's too much to handle. It's like some form of escapism I guess. Other than that, it really doesn't bother me much.
Anon, I get where you're coming from. I had a moment where I realized nobody wanted the real me. If anything, people also want to reach out, have a connection. However, they don't want to put in the work and so they latch onto someone who will love them unconditionally.
The biggest thing that helped me improved my mental health was truly embracing my loneliness. Nobody understood, nobody cared, and in many ways nobody cared that I existed which meant I could kinda live exactly how I wanted. A lot of my stressors came from the expectations that social relationships was supposed be this savior for a lot of problems but it's totally okay to have friends just for having fun and shooting the spit.
Also, you will have friends that care; nothing is permanent. Until then just learn to relax and enjoy the time you have for yourself.
Yes there are a lot of museums and art events in my city, it's actually my favorite activity on my days off, I should check if there are some nocturnal exhibitions.
I don't have a lot of friends, either they are away or I don't want to force them to tag along with me, and I like being on my own, but like you said most activities are for friend groups or couples. I'm at this point where commuting with a different train or bus is a form of excitement because I see some unknown neighborhoods kek.
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reposting here because the stupid questions thread is dead
how long does it take to 'get close' to someone/ establish a friend group? I've been trying to get friends for the past 6 months and, although I know a decent amount of people, which coincidentally are all somewhat interconnected, and talk to 5 of them regularly-ish, but I don't feel particularly close to any of them. I struggle to find the time to talk to them in person (since are schedules are different and the only time we can talk is when we coincidentally meet), and although the conversations can be interesting, which is something I value very much, I feel like I'm lacking the emotional intimacy I'd want from female friendships
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this is just me speaking from experience and observing stuff around me but i feel like "closeness" in female friendships or friendships in general isn't developed through time. it's through sharing your struggles together. you develop a special bond with people you're able to be vulnerable with. it doesn't mean you should want them to struggle so you can grab the opportunity or that you should trauma dump immediately. you can start with little things like slipping in something mildly embarrassing that happened to you during the day and laughing about it with them. or reaching out to them when they post something on social media (e.g. they're subtweeting, posting sad songs on their IG story, etc.). it also helps when you really can understand each other, beyond common interests and hobbies and all that. like i used to have a social media influencer friend who i literally had nothing in common with lifestyle and interests wise and i kept wondering why she kept hanging out with me and why i'd be the first person she'd call when she was going through something or having boy problems. then i realized it was because we understood each other. like we would agree on how to deal with stuff and navigate certain moods and i guess from then we had a silent agreement that we could be transparent towards each other because there would be no judgement. so yeah, i feel like the connection you're seeking for in friendships isn't found through just hanging out and talking frequently. you have to reach a point where you can let each other take a peek at a mess in your lives and still be there for each other. some people won't reciprocate, which is understandable, but when you find someone who will, it's really great. also, don't feel limited to the people you already know.
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I'm a loner and have no friends. Whenever I talk to people I pretend I have friends, I'll say 'oh my friend used to work there' or 'a friend of mine lives there' when said friend is someone I've not spoken to in 10 years. It's sad but I think if people knew I really genuinely had no friends they would think there was something really wrong with me. I've read online multiple times how people 'don't trust' people who don't have friends, how they think there must be something keeping the people away but that isn't true for the majority of friendless people. Most people find me warm and friendly and tell me as much, I get along with others in social situations but since I'm for the most part a shut in I never can make relationships stick, or get beyond the acquaintance stage. It's a catch 22 being friendless and wanting to make friends, when being friendless is such a hinderance to making a friend. I'm terrified people will find me boring as well. I'm 31 and find most people my age aren't looking for new friends, by this stage in our lives we've made our friends for life. Making your way into an already established friendship circle is incredibly hard.
As well as being friendless I also live with my parents and have a shitty dead end job, all I do is surf the web and eat junk food. I think to myself who would want to be friends with me?
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Why do i feel so lonely single and heartbroken in this relationship?
After this huge phase of feeling connected and so on, the man I'm dating online told me I'm suffocating and instantly grew distant. And so did i, because I don't want to lose him. I feel like we're both doing our own things (I'm 19 he is 32)and i feel numb. I've never been in a relationship like that before. It would always be codependency for some and would grow toxic and explode or on the opposite, i wouldn't feel involved in the relationship because I didn't want to be hurt and I hurt the guy's feeling. Right now it's the opposite. I'm involved and I feel heartache when he's online but not answering my messages. I know no one should owe me messages and I also know I shouldn't love a man that old. But I just feel single and most likely heart broken most of the times. He stopped saying he loves me for a few days now. I don't understand it. Even during valentine's day he was distant and he didn't give me a gift when I gave him so many.. I know the point of a gift is to not expect anything back but cmon. And yesterday i got really upset because I was feeling depressed because I'm just tired (I'm trying to go back to uni after I was a neet, so I'm really stressed out) . I know he's not a therapist (i do seek help but sometimes I can't help myself, also my doctor is sick) and i don't know what to do. I want to make it work. I really do. I feel like I'm the only one giving love, support, cute messages, and when I need support he freaks out.He also doesn't want to be vocal about us dating (aka being declared boyfriend girlfriend around.. I can't refer to him as such. It seems he also doesn't want to be seen as a creep) The other days I asked for some more cute words and he refused and yesterday he yelled at me because I couldn't calm down. What's the point of this relationship at this point… I know I need to be my own person and be able to handle myself my feelings and so on. And I truly wish replies wouldn't just tell me to break up. I don't want to leave him. I don't want to be even more lonely. I have no friend I can count on. Just acquaintances. I did try to reach out to some old friends from back then to hang out. They accepted. But I know I'll chicken out.
I do try self help tools apps and stuff but it just.. Doesn't help me. I take medication and all that, I just feel like i can't even tell my doctors i feel so bad or else they'll put me to the psych ward, and i don't want to go back here.
He's telling me I should measure my own worth and sometimes he feels I'm too good to him. At first I thought it was flattery, now I feel like it's sort of his explanation of why he's no involved. If I leave him. I will lose him, but also get awkward relationships with his two other friends, and I'll be alone. I've been alone for so long. I've tried to cope with so many bullshit like NLOGism. Saying how I hate women and acting hurr durr redpilled tomboy and being one of the boys. It's tough out there. I know I'm not as lonely as everyone here. But I feel solitude so hardly it's hard to live through. I feel like my life is a hot mess.
The more I wrote about him. The more I saw redflags like a communist parade.
You're 19. He's 32.
You're his convenience notification hell that feeds his petulant ego. You are worth more than his online approval.
You are badass. Take ownership of your life
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Ever since my sister moved out (she used to be my only friend) for university, I've been pretty much alone. I personally like it. I like talking to myself and organizing my thoughts out loud, I like going at my own pace with things, I like imagining scenarios for hours on end (although I do feel guilty and like I should die for wasting so much time on it). Whenever I've pushed myself to socialize I always felt "not like myself". Even when I met some amazing friends in college who I loved and loved me. I just felt like I was always putting on an act. Its probably a result of being made fun of for my otaku interests by my HS friends back when I was like 14 kek even if it was 'lighthearted', the constant teasing gets really embarrassing especially when you keep telling everyone and bringing it up randomly. It's hard not to feel ashamed about my interests now so I can never be fully myself around others unless I know for sure they're like me, and even then I try to play it "cool" as if I like [thing] a "normal" amount when really I'm probably a sperg about it. I hate myself so much. Its funny, I love and trust my own company but I genuinely despise myself.
My day consists of
>catch up to online classes/assignments/etc
>bed, but no sleep yet, just reading manga, doujin or fic
>then pass out
I would like to waste less time mindlessly browsing on the internet at least. Get some weightlifting in since my thin muscles feel weak. Fix this AVPD so that when I graduate I can find myself a job without vomiting on an interviewer.
I would also like to use my internet time more usefully (?) aka browse less mindlessly and ACTUALLY play more games or watch more series.
Don't know why I typed this all out.
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God are you me, this is almost exactly my entire life before I met my bf and gained a couple friends, people will judge you can't stop that, sometimes you just have to pretend at least a semi-normie-ish
can I recommended joining a sports club or a martial arts, (It has to something you have some slight interest in) Judo was my way of meeting new people and gaining friend's and eventually a bf, It quite literally saved my life
Reading your first lines that you wanna be a programmer is effing badass. As a insecure girl in tech myself, I see the badass in you. It makes sense that you don't know yet… you're still learning and need to push beyond your comfort zone. It might take your entire life, but at least it will be your deciding.
Program your life like fine code… Look at it like object oriented code. Find the bugs that don't serve you or get you stuck in forever loops. Create new code for boundaries to protect you from manipulation. You are narc bait.
find your ctrl-c to stop the loop of needing validation to appease your insecurities.
You have your whole adult life to figure it out - trust me. figuring that out first will make your core code function in ways you can't imagine yet.
Im sorry you are doubting yourself but seeing your words proves your more badass than you think.
Please believe it. If not then trick yourself to believe it. It will become closer to natural as you see proof of your own progress.
Seriously consider thought reprogramming (DBT/CBT) to remove the roasties talk because it will sabotage you till you're dead.
This site is toxic
and destructive but not nearly the same. Its still toxic
fuel for your view of self and world.
Badass simply means taking ownership and not letting assholes suck your life blood.
As you level up give yourself permission to experiment, be wrong, explore and allow your self to live as someone finding and learning.
No I signed up a proper Judo gym and It's way better then joining some social group or weight lifting gym, cause even when I wasn't feeling good emotionally the routine would always allow me get my back head back in the game, also met a lot of awesome people who had okaku and nerdy interests, like 9/10 people there were DBZ fans to varying degrees
I could make quotes from anime and no would find it cringy, however you have to slowly ease yourself so you don't come off too strong
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The hardest part of friendships for me is actually maintaining them, I feel like I actually talk to people well and get along with people I see regularly at work/school but I can never seem to make that first 'step' into friendship. I have the numbers of some work acquaintances but I only ever text them if I need the schedule. I always feel like I'm a burden to other people if I want to hang out because I feel like other people always have something else going on. Also suffer from anxiety/depressive episodes which makes me not want to see or talk to anyone, and i start to isolate myself from others which makes them feel like I don't want to talk to them, even if the opposite is true.
So I'm in my mid 20's and don't have any reliable friends. And I can't tell anyone because it makes me seem pathetic, who wants to be friends with someone with no friends?
My heart goes out to yours through this thread - that sounds so hard.
But, your dedication to your self worth and future self is damn impressive and you should find ways to be proud of the strength you have shown in putting your needs first.
Your life begins when you let it. Be gentle with yourself, and take good care
Beware: After he reads your letter he might attempt to keep you as his supply by love bombing you and playing into your insecurities. It will be a challenge to not take the bait.
Plan for inevitable manipulation risks like you will in programming.
Separate the emotions and think like a dev analysing security vulnerabilities, and not like a sensitive heart in love.
You got this.
Wish I was her, might be her in 30 years >>239250
Let's be friends
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I know the Internet loves to hate on extroverts but being an extrovert sucks ass, especially when you’re always the person taking the initiative 95% and no one reciprocates. It’s hard not being bitter when you get left on read and your ‘friend’ is active hourly on Instagram.
I’m really disappointed in my friends. The past few years of college have been absolute shit (met sexist guys, guys who wanted to get into my pants but pretended to be friends, nasty group mates and the list goes on) and whenever I reach out to my high school friends, I barely get responses. The only times where I hang out with others is if I suggest an activity. I always join college club outings and some people are nice, but it’s temporary.
This feeling worsened during CORONA, where I reached out and they went “yass let’s hang out!” and radio silence after I suggest something. I’m talking friends of >3++ years. I know friends drift apart but we’re all in the same damn area wtf. I wish I could delete all my friends and start afresh but burning bridges for future uses wouldn’t be very wise.
Happily I refound my myjournal-era love for fanfiction and fanart so I’m less lonely for now. Still bitter though.
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I get you too, especially the rotting in front of devices part. I find people are so unenthusiastic nowadays, and mostly hype up over shows rather than experiences. Dragging my ‘friends’ out feel like a massive pain so I stopped doing it. Have you considered picking up something you’re interested in, even if it’s some niche thing? It doesn’t exactly solve the loneliness but puts our idle time to better use. I’m going to get better at drawing to draw my husbando kek>>251297
I agree, I find some introverts are less receptive and more selfish, where they want you to be interested in their *~deep inner world*~ but don’t care about your interests. Don’t even get me started on social anxiety, so many introverts keep saying they have it but barely do anything to address the issue. I have introvert friends who whine about ‘not meeting anyone’ and then admit they didn’t join any clubs or activities, wtf. For some reason, these same people also have a misplaced sense of entitlement, where they do nothing and expect friends to magically appear at their door.
I get that I’m an extrovert but I’m going out at least twice every week to meet new people, so seeing quiet people randomly meeting good friends so quickly makes me bitter as fuck. >>251306
I thought Twilight was a meme? I agree with boomer sentiments that people don’t form deep friendships as easily anymore, almost of us are guilty of taking out our phone in the middle of conversations to text someone else. Disrespectful…>>251299
You speak the truth noonie. It’s harder for us to let go of such friendships because of nostalgia, previous shared experiences and misplaced hope, but I’m trying to shake off the lonely feelings by going out more. Wish I had a bf TBH
It was pathetic during pandemic when I reached out and people ‘barely had the time’ to do one virtual meeting. TBH I felt like a desperate dog checking in on my friends, it sucked because I’m always seeing if they left me on read. I should learn from you and set some boundaries, maybe even block them kek
I’m at my limit wtf, maybe I should get my husbando dakimura, I will read more fanfiction kek
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parents moved to 'murica when i was 15, i never managed to make some friends, 21 now, a loser with no friends.
I am trying to cut back social media use but oh my god my life is miserable without social media. like i am so alone, no one to talk to, vent to, cry to. i am somehow close with my parents but i can't talk about anything i want with them.
all i want is an inge look style friendship. is it too much to ask for?????
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Lifelong loner, just built different I guess.
Bullied all through my schooling, bullied within my barely functioning family, bullied at college and bullied at jobs.
If I manage to obliquely sidle into a friend circle or club etc, I'm always on the outer and bounce from group to group with nobody noticing.
I guess I'm mostly at peace with it. I have still had a rich life.
I'm in the same boat as you nonna! Being raised in a military family really fucked up my ability to make and keep long lasting friendships. Plus I am retardedly shy and anxious. My parents were also super strict and never let me go out with whatever friends I happened to make, so I feel like I didn't get to develop normal social skills or habits.
It doesn't help that I ghost people now as an adult without a second thought, they don't have to do a single thing wrong. I can just be lazy or simply uninterested in replying atm, and then I just never bother again. Even though I can be so lonely and crave the warmth of a female-only friend group, I just don't have it in myself to try. I just cope with my loneliness by using imageboards and discord to sperg, or I waste time by drawing or gaming so I don't have to think about being a loner loser.
Late reply but let's be loner friends nonna! My parents didn't want us to do anything either because they were very paranoid (child abductions were a lot more common in the 90s/early 00s), like I never went to sleepovers or trick-or-treating, I only started hanging out with pals during my last year of high school. I don't think it's fair to blame my upbringing because my siblings turned out pretty normal and I should work on my issues, but it definitely didn't help (and thank god I didn't get a religious or traditionalist education).
Yeah, ghosting is my biggest flaw and I do it at the drop of the hat, usually when someone sends me a text about something important and I'm too embarrassed to reply immediately, so I just postpone the answer until I entirely give up and tell myself it's not worth it anyway. I've lost some great friendships just because of my retarded behavior and I keep repeating myself I should go to therapy, but I don't have trauma or anything so I don't dare to go.
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My loneliness has reached a level where I'm seriously considering becoming an IRL streamer just to have someone to talk to even if is autistically parasocial. I spend my nights watching DIY and fashion tiktok compilations on Youtube and pretending am having a conversation with someone about the video I'm watching.
same, i have friends i have known for over 15 years and usually when i try to suggest meeting them but usually they decline, don't respond and so on.
when we do hang out it's really fun but i'm just tired of wasting my time pining after people who obviously don't care about me that much even though we used to be really close before. but on other hand i feel like the sunk cost fallacy is just way too much like i wouldn't like to stop being friends with people i have known for most of my life, i try to think that i guess i am fine with just having these people as casual acquaintances in my life but it still hurts me that i obviously care more about them than they care about me, and seeing some of them doing stuff together and leaving me out. like just when i am thinking that i would be alright without these people in my life, we do finally meet and we have a great time and i think okay i don't want to lose these friends and then it's months that they actually want to meet, i ask myself why do i waste so much time and energy thinking about people who don't think about me, i spiritually prepare myself for giving them up, then we meet, rinse, repeat, the cycle keeps repeating over and over and over again
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This is going to come across as a massive humblebrag so sorry in advance, but being "attractive" and massively introverted is so uncomfortable. I just want to be left alone, take walks by myself and enjoy my loneliness, but as I'm too "notorious" now people (and men) are always in my business, from total randoms to male "friends" acting massively weird towards me
>Literally just chilling
>"Heeeey why are you by yourself like that baby aha"
>"You're too pretty to be so lonely aha don't you want some company aha"
I fucking hate it. I remember when I was just invisible to society (and men) and I could act as I pleased and be as lonely as I wanted cause nobody perceived me or gave a damn, now everyone wants me to be the bubbly, extroverted girl and I'm just fucking not, I'm still a nerdy, gloomy, autistic tomboy at heart
So i've been a loner for the past few years, mostly did a 180 from constantly being around friends, out the house, meeting people to cutting most people off. History of mh issues but I was and still am not a shy person, never had problems making friends, getting along with people, initiating a new friendship. This has basically been born out of a reaction to trauma and then me feeling more and more comfortable in isolation. I think in some ways its been a positive. I was somewhat a people pleaser so in that respect, learning to say no and establish my boundaries has been aided by being a loner.
I have/had a few friends over this period of isolation, but still very much have my walls up, not really trusting anyone and kind of at the point i just want to let them go. I feel awful on one hand, and on another I feel like it's the best thing to do. I've been someone that has needed to change, evolve and improve myself and part of that is accepting that a parting of ways is natural and okay. Like we're just heading in a different direction, and I'll always have so many good memories. I don't personally see a problem with that mindset but most everyone around me does so idk. I don't feel too bad most of the time but like other nonnies have said, holidays really highlight how alone I am.
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no1 curr blog ahead
i have a few friends i can message online (who used to be IRLs at some point), as well as one i can see irl on a weekly basis. but that's honestly not enough to have a healthy social life.
because of life happening + my parents being on bad terms with so many people, it feels like my only family is my mom. and my relationship with her is…rocky, to say the least.
i was fucking retarded in grade school and just assumed everyone hated me no matter what. i had a friend group but there were various falling outs. only after a few years in university did i realize that i could talk to people more than once lmao. i went on exchange overseas, made a bunch of friends, then i came back and had to awkwardly try to be friendlier to people i had previously ignored. then i moved again and the pandemic happened so i didn't get to meet new people.
everyone at my current job is way older so that's not great socialization either. i take night classes and attend some of their related events but, again, everyone's way older.
i try dating apps for both friendship and dating but they're so exhausting and awkward. trying to guess if i'll get along with someone based on pictures and a couple sentences is so alienating.
i think birthdays and holidays are the most painful. friendless people tell me to spend it with my family and people who no family tell me to spend it with friends.
i still have hope but right now, i'm fucking lonely, bored and i want more friends!!! goddammit.
OP here, sage 4 no1curr but I'm not lonely anymore! I made 2 new friends/reconciled with my old best friend, I'm so happy about it. Loneliness is the worst feeling, my heart goes out to all lonely nonna's here ♥ Just know I'm a dumbass in social situations, if I can make friends you can too. One of my closest friends now I met in a thrift store, waiting for the dressing rooms to be empty. We were just sitting there, I complimented her shoes and it went from there. I never thought my autistic ass would be able to make friends but somehow I did. I'm happy, I don't have many I know but that doesn't bother me. I love all 3 dearly, they're not just 'hanging out get drunk' friends but I can actually talk to them and call/text them any time. Life is looking up, any nonna who is reading this right now, things get better even if they're shit right now. I love all of you, you were my only friends for about half a year and this website is the only place that kept me from necking myself. You're all intelligent, beautiful women and can escape loneliness, I love you all ♥
i don't deal with it, i am completely alienated, any attempt in returning to normality by igniting friendships fails miserably. i feel fundamentally unlikable and like i was born only to be used as a scapegoat, i really cannot work out why as i pander to people incredibly when speaking to them due to intense fears of rejection, i try my hardest to respect their boundaries without betraying my own, i try so hard to understand and support others, i am conciously trying to not diminish their opinions or emotions, because i know how it hurts when these social graces cannot be upheld.. maybe they can tell i am a coward. i don't know. every day i wake up and think what is the point when everyone has made their disdain for you so transparent? i am so uncomfortable even typing this as i feel like i MUST be a bad person for this to be my experience, and it's easier to gaslight myself into believing im some big monster bully, i genuinely don't know what anything means anymore, or what there is to try for, for a life alone? my world gets smaller and smaller every single day.
i feel exactly like this. i'm constantly walking on eggshells around people so they will like me as much as possible, and in the rare case i'm not and i feel like i can genuinely be myself i still end up getting crushed and thrown away by whoever i thought genuinely enjoyed my company. i try to distract myself from loneliness as much as i can but i'm just living life on autopilot, spending so many nights binge-drinking in front of a screen while everyone else is probably hanging out with their loved ones and being part of something i'll never fit in.
i really hope it gets better for you nona, and i'm happy about having found this thread at least, it's quite comforting.
I completely relate on not wanting to have accounts attached to you, and it sucks because that seems like an easy way to meet new people but I get stupid paranoid at the idea of it backfiring. I'm grateful for anonymous sites like this but it truly isn't the same as ones where you do need a profile of some sort, plus even those don't guarantee making friends or something. I'm sorry you're feeling it bad today nonny
, I hope tomorrow and the days to come are easier on you
Idk what's wrong with me. I've been trying my best to become a normie, and whenever people tell anecdotes about their friends I try to chime in with one about my friends (of which I have zero lol) but its like they can see right through me. I said something the other day, and this guy looked at me and said "You have friends??" - it was a joke but it really upset me. Like, I can pretend to be a normal adult but deep down everyone around me knows that I'm a friendless loser. I speak to a lot of my co-workers and people I've grown up with in passing, but I have no actual friends. The only person who ever texts/calls me is my mom, who I love but I feel like as an adult I should have at least one fucking friend. Since I've stopped being a hikki, I find myself craving friendship more than I ever have. I guess it's because I now know what forming relationships with other humans feels like so I want that. But it just sucks. I feel like everyone I want to be friends with is just humoring me and they never make any effort to actually involve me in things, and I don't want to force my way into friendship circles because I don't want to seem more desperate/creepy than I already am. I also feel too anxious to go to normal friend-making activities that people in these threads usually suggest so I'm stuck trying to be friends with people who've already known me for a while (and have therefore probably decided during that time that I'm not someone they want to be friends with in the first place). I also can't afford therapy. I just want normie girl friends but it's like they can smell the tism from a mile away
Maladaptive daydreaming about friends is so easy and actually trying to make new friendships is so hard. I know I can't go back to being a shut-in but I miss the safe feeling it used to bring.>>268047
Me too nonnie
I used to feel this way too and I'd get into the cycle exactly as you'd described. Get really lonely and start hanging out with people, eventually get my fill and then become frustrated and annoyed, distance myself, and then repeat. I think your surroundings play a big factor, so I do think it's possible that the people around you just might not be your vibe. I also found what helped me from falling into this cycle was not taking an all-or-nothing approach to my friendships/social interactions. With most people, if I spend too much time with them I get exhausted or annoyed eventually. I think it's definitely okay to space out the amount of time you spend with someone so that you don't get in a place where they end up annoying you and in my experience, most people don't really care if you do that. What also helped me was understanding that people can fill different roles in my life. Some people might just be your friend for the moment because you don't have anyone else to talk to and that's okay. It would be nice if all of our friends (or even one or two of them) were friends who understood our experiences and who we could talk to about everything and anything, but until you find those people I still think it helps to have people to talk to- even if it's about mundane (or sometimes) annoying things. I try to look at the bigger picture. If someone cares about me (even just as an acquaintance) and enjoys talking to me enough to reach out to hang out (or show up when I ask them to hang out), then that feels really nice and I can overlook the smaller things about our friendship that annoy me. Obviously that doesn't mean you should just hang out with anyone, but if it seems like they care about the friendship, and you as a person, then at least to me that outweighs some of the smaller things that bother me.
Sorry if this is useless advice. For a period of time I was really isolated and can relate to a lot of what you anons are saying. I think isolation isn't always bad so if ultimately you'd rather be alone than interact with people because it's too much, then that's okay. I just remember that in my isolation period that my mental health was really fucked and the isolation really added to that, so I just wanted to add my two cents of how I kind of "got over" being tired of everybody, since I really just needed to talk to someone at that point (even if I didn't want to).
Same. I don't drink anymore (had an ex that became a cheating alcoholic so that turned me away from it), but all everyone talks about is going to restaurants to drink or going to crappy bars. Getting wasted isn't my idea of a good time. I want friends I can go hiking with, visit conventions, or hell just window shopping. >>270083
Wow this is me. I had lots of friends in school, but once that ended I have made absolutely none. I work, go home, sleep, repeat. Too tired to do anything else. I thought I'd make friends at work, but they're all assholes with an established clique and are alcoholic wine moms. I don't have my own car yet (just an issued work car that employers are very strict about using only to work and back). I'm afraid of going out alone too, as I'm petite and I don't want to put myself in danger. I get paranoid about being kidnapped or robbed and so when I do go out, I'm way too vigilant to relax and don't stay out long.
Ugh I had a dream I was hanging out with this girl I knew from work that I really wanted to be my friend, I just asked her if she wanted to go shopping with me and she said yes and we hung out the whole day and had a nice time. It was the most fun I had in months but then I woke up and it was all a dream fml. I can't even give it a shot irl because she doesn't work with me anymore.>>272210
I'm the same I feel like I'm not fully an 'adult' because I don't really want to go out for drinks or clubbing like most young adults do. I'd much rather go shopping or to a museum or something. There's this concert I want to go to later in the year but I'm afraid I won't be able to go without someone with me bc it's in a big city 3+ hours away. I never feel comfortable just to invite my coworkers out with me or to my home because I don't feel like I'm close enough to them outside of work? But I know I wont
be closer to anybody if I don't do that.
It's not even that I avoid normie women, they don't even wanna be my friend kek.
As for men, I'd rather be lonely and celibate vs go though the process of dating. Regular loneliness is a background noise you can mostly ignore but being gaslighted, criticized, taken for granted, and heartbroken is debilitating.
i know. no one has really foisted their expectations on me, which is really nice, but being reminded of what you’ve missed because of what other people say or do with their friends is agonizing. i get little things like>wow you’ve never been to X place? didn’t you say you grew up here?
and it hurts because the reason i haven’t been to these places is because of the gaps of time in my life where friends were supposed to be
NTA but the worse things is when they get that look in their eye when you don't possess the Normal Social Prerequisites…like when you never traveled or went to X place (X place being heavily prosocial and not centered on a solitary activity) or have social media (who would add you anyway?)
It just weirds them out to the point where they're put off from your friendship. And then it begins again. Just a shitty loop.
NTA but the worse things is when they get that look in their eye when you don't possess the Normal Social Prerequisites…like when you never traveled or went to X place (X place being heavily prosocial and not centered on a solitary activity) or have social media (who would add you anyway?)
It just weirds them out to the point where they're put off from your friendship. And then it begins again. Just a shitty loop.
>>274293> Maybe I seem boring but it’s not like I talk about anything with people who are almost strangers, so I don’t know what I’m doing wrong.
You just worded what it always feels like when I attempt to talk to other people and make friends. I think they assume that I am boring. However, I have lots of interests, albeit maybe a little weird or niche, but still. I’m not comfortable with telling someone all about myself in the first or second conversation. Maybe because I am scared of being judged or looking bad, but mainly because I’m a private person and only want to share with someone I trust. >I see others who also don’t say anything extraoridnary or personal but they seem to be able to form a group.
Exactly. I’ll see someone talking to another person once or twice, when they aren’t exactly bubbly or an open book either, yet they will be invited to lunch and asked to join group chats nearly the next day. I don’t get it. I feel like I’m doing everything “right”, but even the people that do all the “wrongs” make more friends than I do.
Is there just something with us that tips off people we aren’t worth talking to? Are we intimidating or something? I’ve managed to make friends in high school, but haven’t since college and not into my adulthood. Even when I go out of my way to talk to someone and put energy into it, they don’t seem to be responsive to that and don’t want to be friends. It’s not equal.
Same, I had to break it up with my high school friends because one started treating me poorly, thinking I was stealing male attention from her (she was a pickme) and she was also dating minors online which grossed me out. The other friend ended up being a homophobe and just started lying and ghosting when we made plans.
Anyways, you’re right, everyone seems to already have an established group of friends and there never seems to be an opening or an “in”. Even in high school, before I was in the picture, my friends were already an established group, but I was luckily enough to be “accepted” and given a spot. There’s nothing wrong with me either, and I have played both roles of “initiate” and “passive”, both yielding little to no results.
At this point, I wonder if it’s because these people are close-minded, or too comfortable and don’t want to meet anyone new. It’s almost like we are being judged against their current friends, and if we would “blend in” enough with their current group. I don’t need to be initiated into a group, I just at least want a single friend to talk to regularly. Maybe I’m just ranting but it sucks some people seem to have an easier time than others and that no matter how hard we try, we can’t make a lasting social connection.
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Gore below, don't scroll.
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Currently getting crushed by loneliness, summer is the worst season for me as I always get depressed for various reasons, none of my friends are in the city and I'm hardcore questioning some of my life choices, constantly ruminating some decisions and if they were bad. Can't wait for September to come, I'm suffocating.
I don't think you're horrible, just used to instant gratification. People are so much more interesting online, perhaps because they can be more candid and outlandish? And if these are interest-based servers you're likely to run into people very similar to you, with an almost immediate camaraderie or mutual understanding. Nothing like offline interactions where you get stuck in small talk and trying to appear socialiable and it takes forever
to get to the really interesting stuff people have in their heads. Maybe try to stick it out a bit longer? I can't vouch for any man being worth talking to (they're all empty inside lol) but normies in general may have some unique thoughts, things they can teach you, or just offer you good company if you're willing to relax and open up to the experience. Could it be you're afraid of them having written you off in much the same way— like "oh she's too weird"— so you deride and reject them preemptively? Not trying to therapise, I just know I can get like that at times myself. Anyways I hope you can make some good friends and have a riveting conversation or too. I'm rooting for you Nonette
I'm the same way since I'm terminally online even though I'm busy with grad school. I really wish I had female friends though. All my online friends happen to be men and I guess it's because I'm more comfortable speaking my mind around them. All my classmates just seem way too normie for me and I have doubts I'll ever really be friends with them.>>288922>Could it be you're afraid of them having written you off in much the same way— like "oh she's too weird"— so you deride and reject them preemptively?
Really guilty of this btw. I'm a diagnosed autist so years and years of poor social experiences among other things has made my mindset default to preemptively reject normies. Rejection and traumatic events in my life furthermore has also made me super closed off to everyone.
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My only close friend left me or should I say I left her because she pushed me under a bus for a pos guy she used to talk to. Both me and another friend (which we have drifted apart from by now) supported her throughout the entire situation and I encouraged her to be more assertive. Recently she said that she decided to become more assertive and start by talking to the moid who treated her like dogshit again, then telling me she feels like I influenced her to ghost him and that she didn't actually want to do that, blah blah blah, she just started to miss him and after months of saying how much she disliked him and laughing at him together she thought to make me the scape goat for her choices. It feels like shit.
We've only been friends for little over a year, we met at uni. She was the only irl friend that I valued so much and was seeing regularly. Everyone else has no time to see me or lives too far away. Just a month ago we were making plans how to meet more people as she is pretty lonely and friendless herself, now I'm back to this. Ironically I'm more equipped to befriend someone and bounce back from this because she's rather shy and I'm more outgoing and charismatic. So actually, many people approach me and talk to me. It's just that it never goes past that and they don't stay in touch no even when I try. They all have their own friend groups or are busy with work. On top of that I'm usually treated as a novelty by people because I'm a weirdo, but happen to have social skills and can make people laugh easily.
All the years of sitting alone in my room in isolation before uni came back to me. I felt lonely before but at least I had one good friend or so I thought. I feel so depressed. Not giving up yet but. Idk.
I'm considering becoming a smoker so I can have an excuse to meet people during smoke breaks or to start a conversation if someone asks me for a lighter. I thought about just going outside to the city just to smoke somewhere and hope I can bump into someone and make a friend.
Other than that I thought about dating apps, not because I want a relationship but just to have an excuse to go out and maybe get introduced to more people this way. Maybe some speed dating events? Going to museums alone, volunteering. Those are things I've thought about. This 'break up' (which is pretty much that I didn't message anything else to my ex friend after she said she disagreed with me when I texted her that I think she's being extremely unfair to me bc yeah, this shit happened over text) affected me so much that I've decided to get stoned for the first time over the weekend. Rethink my life. Think of something to do. I have so much free time that I will lose once I graduate and I'm wasting it in loneliness because I don't have anyone. I even thought about going clubbing on my own and risk getting harrassed by horny moids just so I'm not wasting away in my room or on a park bench.
I relate to so much of what other nonas wrote here, it really does like some people are just meant to be alone, but I can't live like that or at this rate I'll just kms the moment my parents die and I'm left with nobody close. I need to fucking fight
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This is how I cope.
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There is a restaurant close to my busstop that looks interesting so I went to tripadvisor to see the reviews and all the reviews talks about how cosy the atmosphere is because there are several couples and groups of people and you can hear so much chatter. Many of the reviews also talks about how their friends or boyfriends introduced them to the restaurant and I feel a tiny bit of jealousy.
Moving to the city in general has been kinda hard. When I take the bus during the weekends I pass several quaint restaurants and small cafes. They are all filled with people chatting it up and they look so happy and cozy.
I feel like in general I have done major progress with my social awkwardness but I will never reach a point in my life where I can connect to people and make friends. No one will ever hit me up on a weekend night and ask me to go to a cute cafe just to chat
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that's actually sounds really cozy. Thank you do much nona for suggesting this I might do it a day where I'm not drowning in work. It sounds much healthy than rotting in my room. Besides I just got a new book so this is a great way to start reading it
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bring a notebook or laptop and write something at the restaurant, anything, even just stream of consciousness stuff. you'll seem busy and everyone could use writing practice, could even become a new art form for you and someone might even want to socialize if they're curious about what you're writing
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genuinely can't tell if I'm bothered or not by how little human interaction I have. i'm basically a hikki in that I have zero reason to leave my house, so I don't. I only talk to my parents and my boyfriend, who's in college so he's busy a lot, and they all live several hundred miles away. I have a car but am terrified of driving; I live in a place where I can walk but I have absolutely nowhere I want to go. today I left the house for the first time in over a week to go to the park and it wasn't that great. honestly I can't be bothered to get out and it doesn't help that literally nothing happens here. Sometimes I feel lonely so I go and post shit like this or talk to people on discord, and then I lose interest. Even if I was bothered by it I know I can't do anything so most of the time I'm apathetic. it's just in these fleeting moments where I get sad about it that idk if I'm actually upset about not having friends or just the stigma.
at this point having a pleasant non-functional conversation with somebody feels so impossible and not that interesting. but idk if I'm not interested bc I know it won't happen or bc i'm genuinely not interested. does anyone else feel like this?
Also if your loneliness comes in short bursts how do you cope with it? sometimes I watch youtube videos made by other women and it sort of helps. on the plus side, having no friends means I don't need to deal with toxic bullshit and I have a lot of time to write my novels. (side note: Writing is a really great hobby because the relationships I have with my characters are really great)
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>wants a relationship with a man
>lesbian, bisexual or straight girl (biological female
You been posting your swill of a "dating advert" on here for years now, no women would want to be in contact with you nor even spare a thought towards a debased man like yourself that isn't an insult. Do the world a favour and just perish
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nonas I want to recommend this book: 'Party of One' by Anneli Rufus. If you are a natural loner and crave solitude, but feel bad about it - read this.
She put something important in perspective for me. I don't feel bad because i'm alone (I've always craved solitude, I can only relax by myself and dread socialising) but I feel bad with other's reactions for my wanting to be alone. From being teased for being friendless at school and called weird, family and friends taking offence to it as an adult, calling me selfish, cold, aloof etc. Which is upsetting and guilt-intensifying as I do care for people, I just lack the capacity to be around them a lot. My pacing of friendship is very different.
These last few years I've really started to learn to let myself enjoy a solitary life, even though it has cost me some friendships and work opportunities, I feel much more at peace.
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i have never had a friend. i have never been to someone's house (never got invited), never went out with anyone ever (never got invited), never been privy to anyone's deepest feelings – or had them privy to my own – etc. not even my own parents know my internal self. only anonymous imageboards do.
my "best friend" in highschool only kept me around as a whipping girl. i look back at all the shit she did to me and it makes me so sad. but i had no prior reference; i thought that's what friends did.
i often wonder how is it possible for me to be so alone. it's just genuinely odd. or is it normal to just go through life not having any real, close connections?
anyway, i'm 23 soon. i have not had a single fun conversation with anyone IRL but my parents since 2017. even online i have had only one friend in all that time, and we don't talk anymore – even then it was just a casual banter type friendship. i will soon graduate uni having made absolutely no changes in my pitiful social life.
i just want friends, lc…i'm so, so tired of being alone. it isn't fun at all. i just want people to watch movies with online and talk to about things. i hate that i'm such a social autist, i hate that all my attempts to change end in awkward fumbling. but the older i get the wider the gap grows between me, largely isolated from humankind all my life, and other people. i think i'm going to be like this forever.
i don't want to offer false hope by sharing info, but i hope things get better for us
do you suspect yourself of having avpd btw
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anyone else do this