Hey, I'm the anon from >>132372
and I hope I get can the same help once I can afford it. I'll add that something I realized when I was watching this show was when one of the side characters talked about was Ruste "never found out who he was". He basically replaced the hole in his life with esoteric bullshit and fucked-up murder investigations, and became this emotionally stunted individual who has little to no goals in life.
I quickly realized this was the case for me because I have no idea who I am or drives me. I'm just living on some principals and goals on how I should live my life, I'm a walking husk. So a big goal for this year is to find my values, integrate them into my life, and hopefully become a person who feels whole.
Please remember me when changing yourself gets tough, your anon-in-arms.