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No. 255346

thread for harm reduction, support and venting

No. 255358

It's so weird to me how it can be recommended to have 6-10 small meals a day. That's so much time eating and so much time food prepping. I get overwhelmed at the thought of having to eat every two hours.
I have a problem with binge eating. If food is in front of me I turn into a vacuum cleaner. I don't have the self control to eat that frequently. I also have a small appetite and am used to fasting. Binge eating and marijuana have annihilated my hunger cues.

No. 255361

I thought that too for a long time but it basically cured my binge eating.

No. 255363

I’m such a fucking retard for hoping this thread gets toxic kek it will get nuked probably if that were to be the case tho

No. 255365

It will get banned as soon as mods notice it.

No. 255366

Anyone addicted to taking supplements? What all do you take?

No. 255367

i hope this is allowed I asked in pt, have suffered from eating disorders and tons of girls and women do so i don't see why it would be banned. have suffered from eating disorders my whole life since my retarded brother started calling me fat when i was a normal chubby 7 year old, was overweight during highschool, at my worst it was 2 years of bulimia, have basically kicked that habit now and just maintain a normal healthy bmi through eating regularly and healthy but voluminous low calorie meals, i still feel so fucking awful about myself sometimes though because of being big boned and tall.

No. 255368

It might get banned if we start acting proana-ish. Not explicitly against the rules but other anons might raise a stink about it to warrant lock.
How did you quit bulimia? Any helpful tricks or just pure will power? I struggle with the urge to purge a lot.

No. 255375

Has anyone else has their eating habits fucked up by weed? I go all day without eating, then smoke weed at night and binge. I know I should stop smoking weed but it's the only thing that makes me want to eat at this point, trying to eat while sober just makes me nauseous

No. 255387

Yeah, someone tried to make an ED thread like last year and it got locked because (of course) they couldn't help themselves and used proana shit.

No. 255394

File: 1649519750570.jpg (785.13 KB, 1896x415, childrens_size_chart_for_cloth…)

is it possible to have a less than 20 inch waist naturally? it use to trigger me so much when girls would claim they have like 19 inch waists and 40 inch busts/hips on the internet, I'm a mom now and it's weird to think about how an adult woman could have the waist of a literal baby without starving/waist training

No. 255396

honestly forgot to pack a lunch once day and had to run errands after school and by the time I was home I felt so good, I had never really fasted before, I ate my normal dinner and decided to do the same the next day, started intermittent fasting and focusing on how good I felt when I wasn't making myself feel like shit overeating and making the one meal a day something I cooked that was really bombs and savored every bite, IDK if that's trading one eating disorder for another but like binge/purge is so hard on your body and you feels so much worse about yourself in every way that it honestly was a good tradeoff for me. I still do occasionally though if I do binge eat and can't go for a long walk after, though I don't binge now how I used to thank god cause there is no worse feeling in the world.

damn I should've written in the OP no thinspo pics and no encouragement or glorification or whatever.

No. 255402

I'm very tall, my hips are less that 40 inches and 20 inches is the size of my upper thigh so I'm gonna say 19/40 is physically impossible

No. 255411

We're the same person. When you binge, is it all sugar? You may have a sugar addiction that is playing into it.
You have to force yourself to eat during the day. It sucks, but you probably have to train your appetite back.
I wish I was there but I'm not. I'm scared of gaining weight. I'm at the lowest healthy weight and I want to stay there. I love my body right now. It sucks it's not healthy, especially because I never get that hungry anyway.

No. 255471

i thought whenever people said that their waist was 19 inches they were referring to their measurements with their stomach sucked in

No. 255486

Binged today and yesterday. Not sure why. I’m really stressed by school and guests coming over tomorrow. Maybe that’s it. I’m just annoyed with myself. I love nutrition and health and I try to workout and stay balanced but then I’ll randomly fall into these binge slumps that destroy my self esteem. Fml.

No. 255507

thank you for this thread. i've been binge eating ever since I started taking medication again and i gained over 20lbs in two months. my medication increases my appetite and fuels my urges to binge. I started hoarding food, ordering takeout for every meal, spending tons of money on snacks, etc. sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and eat while im half asleep. everyday I tell myself that I'll eat healthier the next day but I never do. I don't know how to end this cycle

No. 255525

There already is a binge eating thread though.

No. 255565

File: 1649601045629.gif (1.1 MB, 480x480, rain.gif)

i feel like such a freak sometimes. why does everyone have to act like they never get hungry. im fucking always hungry. im already fat anyway (like actually fat, obese, not ana-chan pretend fat) struggle with purging and skipping meals and have nothing to show for it. and im still always starving. its like this constant middle ground where i make no progress and i have no satisfaction either. at least other fat people get to feel full sometimes. ive been having some luck with getting a better workout schedule together and having protein in the morning. i hang around ED focused social media in the hopes of triggering myself but i think it just makes me want to binge on sugar. i will never be skinny i will just be a sad black hole forever.

No. 255568

Anon it sounds like you have a thyroid issue. Regardless, it sounds like you should see a doctor for that…

No. 255609

I've had an eating disorder for as long as I can remember tbh, but I've been living in an extremely malnourished body for the past few years and it has somehow become my 'normal' i guess. A year ago I was told by multiple profesionals that the chances of me surviving for more than a couple of months at that weight were pretty much zero. I've regained all of the weight, and I'm now at a healthy weight for my height. I've been called curvy and ~thicc~ several times since regaining, and I'm very aware that most people would consider me to be conventionally attractive and all of that shit. I'm not trying to brag or anything, please dont get me the wrong way but getting compliments about my current and relatively 'new' body is honestly the most horrible thing. I've damaged my relationships with several female friends for getting emotional or mentioning that I'm having a very tough time acception my body, as they feel like I'm just saying it for the attention and compliments which is absolutely not true (but i guess i can understand where they are coming from). I know my current body is healthy. I just hate it so much. I feel like none of the profesionals I saw ever prepared me for how it would be after regaining the weight. Its like everyone thinks all of the thoughts, behaviours and patterns dissapears the second you reach a healthy weight/bmi. Im just so fucking tired. All I want is my old body back eventhough I know it would kill me. I feel so guilty for feeling these things.

No. 255611

Holy fuck,i think i permenantly fucked my body. I've had an eating disorder since age 14 (now Im 21). Been maintaining around 46 kg for a while like 2 years but I was 45.3 kg (around 99 pounds) 2 days ago. I wanted to celebrate by just not restricting for 3 days and now I'm 47 kg. I DIDNT EVEN EAT THAT MUCH I ATE LIKE A NORMAL HUMAN. I legit breakdown everytime my weight changes even by 1 kg. I'm so frustrated with how much I let some numbers affect my mood. And I have how easily I gain weight. I'm fairly tall (167 cm, 5 foot 6) so I shouldnt be maintaining on 1600 kcal. I just wanna not feel like cutting my body up when I go up 1 pound.

Anyway vent over. Maybe I should weight myself once a week, if i can resist temptation. How often do you guys weigh yourself?

No. 255614

Anon I know its hard, but thats just waterweight/the weight of your food, maybe you can convice your brain its okay to fluctuate a kg bc its not you gaining fat, its just you having foreign matter in your body? Like its not actually a part of you, and you will soon flush it out?

No. 255615

Thanks anon, i know i will probably lose it but it still makes me feel really self conscious.
Sounds more reassuring to hear from someone else though, thanks a lot for responding anon. Youre so nice, I would put a heart emoji if it wouldnt get a ban.

No. 255617

Maybe you can think of it the same way you wouldn't count the weight of the clothes you are wearing? I promise you your body doesn't look different, although I do get how you are feeling, I used to feel the same way.

Happy I made you feel a bit better, I wish you the best. You're so sweet.

No. 255659

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We should be allowed to have proana shit!!! Bitches on /g/ want to fuck rapists and let their bf abuse them, I want to not eat. That’s a line for some reason???

No. 255663

nah it attracts too many underaged retards, I feel like we've already got a bunch of edtwt teens and when their autism spills into other threads it's insufferable and embarassing for the rest of us. crystal cafe has an ed thread where you can post whatever you want I think

No. 255667

Go to mpa or something, but please don’t get this thread shut down with proana shit

No. 255668

Hang in there anon. What matters is you doing what is best for your body. You are more than your physical self.
Do you speak to a therapist to talk about your body? Weight can be a tough thing to talk about. When I weighed more I used to get angry at my friend for complaining she was so bloated because she was still so skinny, but now that I lost weight I get it. It's a change to your body.
Anyway, don't feel guilty. What you are feeling is natural. Take everything step by step and think you are doing what is best for you.

I only weigh myself once or twice a month. I'm too scared to do it more often. I know if I gain more weight (4+ pounds) I'll be devastated. If I find out I'm in the official underweight range, I'm scared I'll like it too much and that will become my new goal or normal. I also don't weigh myself because my mom asks me all the time how much I weigh and I can truthfully say I don't know kek.

I want to start exercising and toning but I don't eat enough to get the energy for a good workout.
I did actually weigh myself the other day because I was bingeing a lot and I wanted to see if I gained weight as a motivation to stop. I felt like I did gain weight but I only gained 1 pound. Now I'm scared I'm somehow becoming skinny fat even though I was already pretty much sedentary for the past year due to WFH.

No. 255698

Recovered from AN and now I'm stressed out and relapsing hard. Its been so many years now I've just accepted this is my life. Kind of depressing but I need it. I've done therapy for years and it kind of helps but only for so long.

No. 255704

no we should not

No. 255707

I had an AN phase in high school that I dip back into whenever I get stressed. The hunger starts to feel good, and it makes me feel good about myself for having that self control. I'm not doing it 100%, but I'm starting to skip meals, and have my one "meal" be really small. I don't want to fall back into it… Is trying out OMAD a bad idea? In my mind it'd be like meeting in the middle…getting to skip meals but still eating enough to be healthy.

Get rid of the scale, anon. Or at least put it somewhere where it'd be a hassle to get it out every time you want to weigh yourself. I used to weigh myself multiple times a day, every day, and any fluctuations upset me, even if I knew it was just water/food/shit. The battery in my scale has been dead for a while and I just haven't bothered to replace it (low motivation due to depression) but I do feel a bit better mentally. I know this is like saying "don't worry" to someone with anxiety, but try not to focus on the numbers, focus on how you feel physically. Get into meditation/mindfulness.

No. 255716

Does anyone have a food aversion when they're recovering or engaging in their ED? But to the point they throw up and gag when you try to eat and/or find food smells overbearing?
I don't know if this is my ED being funky or brain being mean. It comes and goes

No. 255717

OMAD is a slippery ass slope to binging if you had ever struggled with it. You end up just restricting more and more because not eating is so much easier than the risk of binging. It made me dreadddd meal time. If you have great self control though anon, why do it at all, just eat less at normal intervals.

No. 255718

Not me but I wish that were me.

No. 255719

It would be fine by me if it didn't do my safe foods too. I don't mind fasting and enjoy extended fasting but I'm feeling frustrated because I want to eat!!! Not fast right now! Grr. Stupid brain

No. 255757

Nonny, are you me (big boned & tall)
I also have BDD so it skews perception of my body. My boyfriend loves my curves at least so im able to appreciate that about myself. Other times I feel like a shapeless blob. I want to say I'm cured but I still have so many moments where I feel awful when I look at women who are beautiful and skinny.
I struggle so much with my perception of femininity being tied to the white dainty models I longed to look like as a teen and young adult. I also struggle with binge eating when I'm stressed and bored. I feel like tall women have more of an inclination towards having an eating disorder due to how much we're othered (apart from gorgeous supermodels ofc). I love my boyfriend so much but we're practically the same height and even though he says that he wouldn't change a thing about me and I'm perfect for him, I know he prefers shorter women even though he wouldn't say this to my face (except if I asked him outright… maybe he might lie). I also KNOW I weigh more than him which really makes me feel so shitty. I'm almost certain he knows this himself (he is very into fitness and is currently cutting to a lower bf% cause he hates his fat distribution) and its triggering cause I wonder if it makes him feel less masculine or less attracted to me. He hasn't indicated this at all.
I wish I could shut off the disordered part of my brain.

No. 255816

I feel like my parents are responsible to my sisters and my unhealthy relationships with food, maybe not eating disorders but disordered eating. My sister tends to binge and I tend to go days with very minimal food intake. My other sister used to also not eat but I think she's better now.
I just am so particular with certain foods, textures, especially foods that my parents forced me to eat until I gagged.
I want to gain weight but it's hard. I am 5'7'' and I cannot breach 100 pounds. If I eat a lot for a week, the next week I have no appetite. It doesn't help that I'm depressed and that also manifests as an aversion to eating, and eating around other people.
I likely inherited it from my mom. I was always told that my being really thin is fine because my mom is like that and it's 'genetic.' I don't know if it's genetic actually, but rather behavioral. Maybe a mix of both. My mom also seldom ate or ate in very small portions. She was very thin her entire life, even after giving birth to three people. She also probably had mental issues that needed to be medicated, who even knows. A lot of mental issues run in the family.
Sometimes I even think I may have ADHD, due to other reasons, but also I often just forget to feed myself.

No. 255863

would anyone be interested in a discord group for ed support?

No. 255866

I'm addicted to condensed milk. I don't know how I haven't got fat already, but I'm very concerned about my health.

No. 255869

I wouldn’t mind something like that in case the mods shut down the thread

No. 255886

looking at the mickey deer thread makes me feel better about recently gaining some weight and filling in some loose skin from earlier ED days. feels kind of shitty but overall I guess my body has calibrated to some sort of acceptable place for me. hope everyone here is doing alright

No. 255889

There has to be anti-male measure of some kind. Scrotes and troons will definitely prey on vulnerable anons.

No. 255919

That's the worse idea I've heard in a while.

No. 256138

i feel so fucking sick of myself and stupid and like the reason noone wants me is cause im a dumb fat fuck, sorry not trying to be emo or whatever but we all know men are fucking shallow and dont give a fuck about you beyond your body. thought I found someone different, i just want someone who wants me :((

No. 256421

Do you guys exercise?

No. 256422

that's a terrible idea for a million different reasons, go find one on mpa

No. 256429

Nta but mpa or twitter would be full of underaged gendershits. I can understand why anons want space with women who can relate.

No. 256441

I lift my 5 lb weight, yeah

No. 256450

the anachan cow thread is my greatest source of thinspo. not so much bc of the spoops but all the spergs kek

No. 256646

discord has the same problem tbh

No. 257142

File: 1650290509557.jpg (23.35 KB, 360x360, Disabledorno (1).jpg)

>in a store
>pick up a size I know is too small
>try it on
>it's too small
>day ruined

No. 257439

idk if you mean the original mpa but pancake is the worst offender, everyone is sjw and queer. I always thought them having a section for males with eds was funny because you know it's all ftms.

No. 257446

It feels like half the site is fakeboys and the other half is slightly overweight women who are ana larping to lose quarantine weight, in the same vein as Tuna with her retarded tumblr blog. I’m a grown ass adult woman with an eating disorder, I don’t want to be surrounded by romanticizers and they/themlets, fuck

No. 257529

I've never admitted to any of my friends that I have an ED, because I know the stereotype about ana girls being bitchy and judgmental. Honestly I've never had anything against average weight women, I'm happy for anyone who can eat normally and I don't think I look attractive at all at this weight. My hair has thinned considerably and I hear a lot that I look older than my age.

No. 257534

lol yeah i know i need to stop checking it but I can't because as an ED haver I'm obsessed with the fact I'm so much more functional, discrete, and normal than those freaks

No. 257535

Haven't b/p'd in a week and I have no desire to, I was dumped a week ago and I was heartbroken, but now I realise the pressure of trying to maintain a failing relationship was precisely my trigger. Life can be ok

No. 257568

So happy for you and totally, situations can really worsen these feelings and urges.

No. 257797

File: 1650524944594.jpeg (326.27 KB, 1280x846, 1A4C12EA-36FE-4921-B855-0724C5…)

I’m really struggling right now and I don’t know where to vent about this, but… I randomly stopped being able to purge, my gag reflex just. went away. I should take it as a sign to recover but I still have the urge to binge, I just can’t purge, so I’ve been gaining weight. I’ve never felt this helpless, it’s awful.

No. 257871

You should probably get some help it always comes to an end eventually.. Google water spouting, David Blaine has a clip where he learned to do it; fair warning it comes with lifetime acid-reflux

No. 257960

Thank you! That’s very practical. I’d get help, to be honest, but I can’t really afford regular therapy… Do you think it’s possible to recover without professional help?

No. 257978

It is, I just recommend doing a lot of research on recovery and nutrition. Learning about nutrition helped me a lot so Now (although I occasionally have low moments and relapse) I’m more fixated on making sure my body is getting the proper nutrients. I’ve also noticed that consuming the proper nutrients keeps me happier and thus less likely to relapse

No. 257991

>google water spouting
>very practical advice

No. 258031

Yeah wtf

No. 258041

Thank you! That sounds like a great idea! I actually don’t know much about proper nutrition, but it wouldn’t surprise me if prt of why I’m so miserable is I’m lacking a lot of important nutrients (and electrolytes)
Yeah well, I could’ve worded it better, I was mostly referring to the first half of the message, because she’s right that I will have to recover at some point (So I may as well try now…) but I did also appreciate the “here’s how you COULD purge without gag reflex If you felt like completely fucking up your stomach”. I won’t do it, but It’s nice not to be condescended to in that “stay safe dearies uwu” way you see pretty much everywhere else.

No. 258097

File: 1650645503268.jpeg (14.37 KB, 246x244, 74080A66-2D7D-413A-A186-6AE42A…)

Don’t know if I have an ED,I know I have body dysmorphia but I feel me saying I have a straight up ED is demeaning to those who have one.id eat,feelguilty and then throw up even if it wasn’t a big meal.Haven’t been eating anything at all for the past 15-16 days in fear of gaining weight and had dreams/nightmares about eating pizza and my friend calling me fat.Id look up symptoms and I seem to align with some of them but I feel like some kid self doxxing to get some online attention.

No. 258109

It doesn't even matter how well you fit diagnostic criteria like if you starve yourself and purge that's a mental problem in itself it doesn't matter what it's labeled, like no one will tell you to leave an ED community just because you don't fit every diagnostic criteria or whatever.
No offense but the only thing that makes you sound like a kid is worrying about the ed label, I don't mean to be rude but I saw this all the time when I used to be active in ED communities, people asking for validation from strangers whose opinion is ultimately worthless because they can't possibly know ("i do ed behaviors but i don't know if my ed is valid??" hundreds of likes and comments "of course it is, everyone is valid uwu") it's pointless

No. 258117

I feel like the moment you feel guilty from eating and make yourself throw up you're basically in the ED realm. Normal people don't do that.

No. 258265

>but I did also appreciate the “here’s how you COULD purge without gag reflex If you felt like completely fucking up your stomach”
fuck outta here with this pro-ed advice. this thread was a mistake. too bad lolcow has gone to shit

No. 258282

Why don’t you fuck off back to your pancake and uwu trigger warning ed mention hugbox if you can’t handle women talking about eating disorders in a way you don’t like, cunt

No. 258349

File: 1650729334590.jpg (81.41 KB, 612x459, wahhhhhhh.jpg)

I relapsed after not purging for over year because of exam stress and a break up. I'm so angry at myself. I've already fucked up my digestive system so badly, my acid reflux and ibs was already awful before. I'm too old for this.

No. 258523

and you can go back to myproana. that post had nothing to do with harm reduction, no one here cares about your lack of self control, fatty

No. 259902

When I went from slightly chubby to fit, I got some very patronizing "concerned" comments from a few friends. Telling me to eat more, mentioning my weight loss in front our whole friend group, asking me if I'm sick in public etc but when I became visibly underweight suddenly the comments stopped. Has anyone experienced this? I just don't get it.

No. 259933

I think I memed myself into a restrictive eating disorder. When I became underweight I would get the most compliments I have probably ever gotten. I hate how much I want those compliments because it doesn't even matter. Shit sucks. Now I panic whenever I weigh myself and I kind of don't trust the scale anymore kek I feel like it's lying to me.

No. 259938

Did anyone ever feel like… ashamed that you don't look super thin but you have an ed? I was never naturally skinny and I hold a lot of my weight in my limbs, so even when I was at my lowest weight and it was hard to even stand up, I didn't look spoopy. My thighs and my arms didn't turn to toothpicks, they were just a pretty average skinny size, like a lot of girls naturally have limbs the same size.
I have never generally faced much concern from anyone either. A few comments here and there about me being thin but nobody ever alarmed about it… I can't even fit in with other anachans because they'll probably think I'm fat and lying for attention.

No. 259948

Dumbass spergs already make wars out of paper drawings, do we need to fight about actually life-threatening stuff like an ED? EDs are already heavily skewed towards women because society doesn't love women unless they hate themselves, so why should this thread be positive to EDs that destroy women's physical and mental well-being?

Honestly, fuck off, anon. This shit is not cute, go to MPA for skelly circlejerking.

No. 259953

File: 1651293937490.jpg (201.79 KB, 1080x1349, 5bdb1b280e5f630ef5912b6a0d510b…)

Not skinnyfit but I started lifting and became mostly bulked up muscle with like 15% bodyfat. Comments were so bizarre, to one group I was fat, to another I was too skinny, to another I was curvy, etc. Picrel is similar to my body type. When people see a fit female body they freak out and treat it like some weird distorted image

No. 259961

I feel you anon. I used to be primarily bulimic/a binge eater and went into a period of restriction after I was already at a higher weight. I lost weight pretty rapidly and a lot of it, but never got down to spoop levels.
Doesn’t help that I’m literally big boned. And I do mean literally, not just as a euphemism for fat. I got some big ass, broad bones. Even at a higher weight, I always had visible collar bones, wrist bones, knobby looking knees, big knuckles. I’m just a boney bitch, but not in the way most anas want to be. Even when I started showing more obvious signs of thinness like visible ribs and hip bones, I still looked much larger than my friends with more visible body fat. My frame is literally too big for me to ever feel dainty and small (I’m also tall which doesn’t help).
Now that I’m somewhat recovered (still in recovery I guess you’d say…I mean, I’m still posting here…), I’ve grown a little more comfortable with it. There’s only so much I can do because even weight loss won’t get me to look the way I want. I’m just learning to accept what I can’t change and appreciate other things about myself. Best of luck to you nonnie. Ignore any bitches who make you feel like a phony or wannarexic. Guarantee they’re miserable people, both in personality and just straight up feeling miserable because they’re suffering from a terrible mental illness that we all unfortunately understand

No. 259963

You are absolute goals to me. I'm sorry you've had to deal with people spazzing out but you should definitely be proud of what you've accomplished

No. 259968

>When people see a fit female body they freak out and treat it like some weird distorted image
They just have shit tier taste and are brainwashed. It's probably the healthiest bodytype.

No. 259977

I feel like jealousy plays a part too. Still, I wonder what makes people comfortable saying it at one weight/body type but the other.
Congrats on the gains nonns!

No. 259980

I think everyone thinks fit body is objectively good so they don't have trouble saying negative things. This is like how most people feel bad for the ugly girl and compliment her but call the pretty girl names when she begs for compliments in the same way. People feel bad if you're too skinny and they won't make petty comments - at least to your face. Same as being chubby.

No. 259994

>I think everyone thinks fit body is objectively good
Nta but this is definitely not true. Fit as in slim or having a big ass maybe, but once a woman gains any sort of muscle and develops quads the size of anon's picrel scrotes start coming out of the woodworks saying you look like a man, too bulky, you're the Hulk, although of course it's all projection and insecurity. Then the handmaidens eagerly agree saying women should only be uwu tiny widdle stick figures because that's easier for them to achieve over caring for themselves and performing difficult tasks like maintaining a strict fitness routine and healthy diet.

No. 260014

I can agree with this - I don't have any diagnosed eating disorder but I've suffered with binging all my life and just eating like shit until my stomach hurt. People didn't say anything to my face when I was eating 2x my caloric intake and getting fat but now that I have a weightlifting routine and I'm strict with calories and protein they act like I'm about to wither away and die, or they just think that women look "wrong" with muscle. They take the discipline of diet and exercise as a personal insult to them, constantly try and get me to just "start eating properly again" aka eating shit food all day and warn me not to get "too bulky"like it's any of their business. It's funny how when moids get muscular it's just normal but when a woman tries to get strong and healthy we constantly face little comments or unwanted opinions. We honestly can't win

No. 260019

>When people see a fit female body they freak out and treat it like some weird distorted image
Yeah. Normal weight and fit people (like the super muscular with thick thighs in your pic) offend me way more than morbidly obese ones, weirdly enough.
I think it's just because I'm most likely to grow a muffin top and big thighs rather than turning into a proper dwarf planet if I let myself go for a few months; the more achievable the thickness/chubbiness looks, the more it freaks me out

No. 260054

Sorry for going off topic but who is in the thread pic?

No. 260100

Every model ever

No. 260186

Google says Pamela Anderson

No. 260210

i got clove vibes but i have no clue

No. 260225

Omg I never realized she was the girl on Tool Time

No. 260226

File: 1651378032709.jpg (Spoiler Image,197.03 KB, 1280x1722, tumblr_31b43364896a547aab8f3ea…)

It does look like Pamela's body in OP pic

No. 260248

pams boobs are bigger

No. 260268

They weren't always huge.

No. 260750

all the recovery accounts and anti diet culture messages bounce right off me because i feel like 'you're only saying that because you already got to be skinny' you already got the experience.. ive been fat my whole life and the only way i can change that is if i trigger myself enough to follow through, i dont get to relax

No. 260759

It doesn't have to be that way nonna. You can lose weight in a healthy manner, but you need to first address whatever mental issues are troubling you. It doesn't have to be all or nothing.

No. 260763

i am the one who posted >>255565
my mental issues are that im a bottomless pit with no self control and im always ravenous, ive been 200lb+ my whole life, there's no chance. if i can trigger myself enough to develop an actually effective ed (instead of just floating in fatty limbo being sad and hungry and fat forever) the best i have to look forward to is a lot of loose skin. at least i'll look better in clothes and people will treat me better. i feel bad even making this post because i feel like it supports the idea that every woman who posts here is actually fat, like i should hide so i dont drag you all down with me. i appreciate the kindness tho nonna

No. 260769

You already have an ED anon… and trying to trigger a different one won't work or it will just make binging worse. Ask me how I know. But it also sounds like you could have hormonal issues or a tyhroid problem. Or your hunger cues are fucked from overeating, purging and depression. This can be fixed, it is literally never too late. But it won't happen if you continue to be so hard on yourself.

No. 260804

okay sorry to be gross what's the deal with the constipation that comes from restricting. like if you voluminous but still low calorie will you be able to shit? or do you have to eat at least 1000 calories a day? I feel so gross and backed up and am tired of feeling like this, not sure what I can do though i have heard magnesium citrate helps. any advice appreciated

No. 260805

File: 1651534359118.gif (899.83 KB, 400x320, omnomnomnom.gif)

do i reward myself with a piece of ricciarelli or small piece of chocolate cake for walking 40 thousand steps today or do i just celebrate by not doing that at all to keep my efforts

No. 260944

It depends on calories, fat and fiber intake and hydration levels. If one of these is out of balance, you get constipation. Restricting always leads to constipation because you are simply not injesting enough food though.

No. 261085

I have been stealing my boyfriend's adderall XR because I am desperate to low restrict before my vacation in June. I feel bad, but not bad enough to stop. I just empty the pills and put the capsule back in the bottle. He has no idea.

No. 261124

File: 1651642811522.jpg (22.16 KB, 480x360, hqdefault.jpg)

I feel like shit and I don't even know why. My body dysmorphia is acting up real bad all of a sudden and I feel massive every time I look in the mirror, even though I know that I'm not. Last year around this time I had no issues going out in public even though I was just a couple of pounds heavier but this time I still feel the need to cover myself up even though it's so warm outside. I probably look like an idiot for wearing long sleeves but I just can't help it. I thought I recovered years ago but slowly those thoughts from my ana days are creeping back in.

No. 261130

Honestly anon wtf. I guarantee he has noticed and is wondering why he's being such a stupid forgetful piece of shit lately. I mean far be it from me to whiteknight some random moid but this is beyond the pale kek

No. 261159

that's kind of fucked nona, can't you just ask him for some?

No. 261178

I grew up poor with food insecurity. When i have food i have the urge to eat it asap because i had a lot of siblings so i always got the least amount of food and grew up being very skinny. Didnt have body image issues until people in school heavily bullied me for being so thin and curveless. Also for not developing as quickly as the other girls since i got my period at like 17 due to being malnourished. Once i became an adult i could afford to eat and i started to heavy lift. I became strong and i felt very proud of my body like wow i did this! My body looked so great like i mourn for myself even today at such a loss. Unfortunately it all went downhill when i wanted to date men. My first boyfriend didnt like my body at all. He saw my pictures when i was a teen and he said i let myself go into becoming a man. His constant nitpicking of my body gave me an eating disorder and i fell a hard low. It wasnt even just him, none of my boyfriends have liked my body and it killed my self esteem. My mom says the same nitpicks and pushes the idea of plastic surgery. Some of my friends push the idea of transitioning into a man. Now its been 4 years of constant relapsing. I never feel good enough unless i can fit in my middle school jeans. Like i dont want to be skinny, i want to feel like i have a right to exist as i am with confidence. Whys it so hard to be loved without having to starve myself? Is like the question that always goes through my head.

No. 261185

>Like i dont want to be skinny, i want to feel like i have a right to exist as i am with confidence
I feel that way too nonie. I feel like no therapist has ever understood that, they just tell you to look at the mirror and say you're beautiful when my goal has nothing to do with being beautiful, just feeling like I can go out in the world without feeling disgusting and worthless.
Your boyfriends are shit human beings for making you feel bad about yourself when they're the ones who chose to be in a relationship with you. I want to choke them.

No. 261192

wow the 'I just want to be allowed to exist' thing is basically why I restrict. When I've fasted a few days I suddenly feel like I'm allowed to live my life & be seen outside. When im binging I feel like a leper, I won't even see my family my bdd is so bad

No. 261208

Same, I have delayed puberty due to malnourishment and didn't develop actual breasts until I was 18 and they didn't get big until I was 21. On top of that I was in a relationship with a porn sick retard who would point out how skinny I was and distance himself from me for being skinny when I was homeless and couldn't afford food (I wasn't even that skinny at the time, like 100 lbs, 5'0, I just couldn't afford junk food to be "thick").

No. 261325

i hate how insecure i am about my appearance, because it makes me feel like im a massive narcissist or something who thinks everybody is looking at me at all times. i guess ive been focusing on harm reduction for the past few months but it makes me feel like a larping piece of shit. i dont know why im clinging onto something so stupid but i would feel so lost without it. i cant win

i think moving around more and walking a lot might be able to induce more bowel movements but im not certain

No. 261330

For the past year I’ve been working really hard to get healthier. I started doing HIIT, lifting weights, cardio. I’ve always been skinny fat, but I was fitting clothes so much better, lost weight, got stronger, and I felt so confident in myself.

Now I’ve put on 7 pounds in the past year and I’m freaking out. This is the heaviest I’ve been in a very long time. I’ve only gained inches in my hips because I actually have an ass now (all my other measurements have stayed the same), but it’s so hard to remind myself not to think about the numbers on the scale. I thought I was improving but as soon as I weighed myself, I’ve gone backwards. :( I feel like my disordered eating thoughts are coming back stronger than before.(:()

No. 261877

On one hand I want to be healthy, have energy, not think about food all the time and on the other I just realized my boobs finally shrank. I fit into standard size bralettes now. I'm elated but also scared I won't be able to stay at this weight and that it will all go back into my chest.

No. 261889

this thread is reeling in off-site ana-chans.

No. 261936

reeeee i want to recover but everyone prefers me at this underweight bmi vs when i’m just in the healthy range. i want to feel beautiful and i can only do that with this form of external validation after years of torment, so the relapse goes on. fucking asia standards kek

No. 262037

If this isn't the fucking truth. In asia if aren't anorexic or at least you don't look like you are, you're ugly.

No. 262321

Got officially diagnosed with Anorexia ,now I’m just waiting for my boobs to get smaller

No. 262326

Nice one moid

No. 262333

I'm so sick of my issues with eating. It doesn't matter how many times I talk it over with others, reframe it in my mind, force through the motions of eating normally, all these others things- the thoughts never ever fully fuck off. Does it ever end?

No. 262368

File: 1652007714934.jpg (28.45 KB, 817x803, D645Mt-UEAEKeoh.jpg)

Nonnas who suffer/suffered with binge eating, did any of you grow up poor and were taught to completely clean/empty your plate or else you were just "wasting food" even if you were uncomfortably full? I'm questioning if this led me to some binge-related habits that were extremely hard to kick.

I haven't been diagnosed with any ED of sorts but looking back on my eating habits throughout my entire life I feel like I have struggled with eating so much until it's painful to continue. I don't know why but I wasn't even aware this might be binge eating habits, I was just called a greedy pig and no one really did anything to help or stop it.
I grew up on a council estate and was made to eat everything on my plate really considering it was "wasteful and expensive" to just leave food on the plate even if you were full. This carried over into snacking until I felt sick and also eating until my stomach hurt in university. I piled on weight over lockdown because of this and someone even commented "you must have hollow legs" which is basically a phrase for someone who won't stop eating.
I've kicked most of these habits now through healthier eating and discipline and my appetite has become more normal, but I sometimes still get urges, especially with snacks, to just eat everything until it's all gone. I can't describe it but it just doesn't feel "right" to leave it behind, I also seem to zone out and eat all of the snacks like I'm on autopilot and can't control myself. Sometimes I slip up and snack too much but I try and regulate my calories and keep it normal because thanks to this lifestyle, I've become quite fat.

Does this sound like binging to you? Or is it something anyone else can relate to? It's not always snacks but encompasses everything from drinks to healthy meals etc.

No. 262427

Did you not know a lot of people prefer the appearance of smaller breasts outside of just troons?

No. 262842

I just went to a Korean store to buy some tofu and the cashier was so small and skinny, nonas I haven't felt so oafish, fat and ugly in a very long time. I feel like shit.

No. 262846

File: 1652204110666.jpg (148.14 KB, 800x1200, 1613875025964.jpg)

>Saw the reflection of me in a window and holy shit my face looks hollow
>All girls on IG look glowing and healthy weight
>Want to cry every time I look into mirror because miss skeleton stares back
>Download app to track calories
>Eat 2k daily for one week
>Have so much energy
>Feel great and sexy
>Meet asian moid im seeing for a while
>Anonita I like that you are so skinny
>But you can do something about your belly
You just know what that means

No. 262853

You feel great and sexy and full of life, that's awesome! It sounds like you're listening to your body and treating it like a friend. That man doesn't live in your body, it doesn't belong to him. What would he know about what's good for it? His aesthetic appreciation is worth more than your good health? Keep at it anon, use this energy to go on some nice walks or try yoga outdoors. The weather is beautiful lately.
Yes it does, especially the guilt around wasting food and eating past being full. I'm not sure if you were looking for advice, but something I find helpful is eating off of actual plates and bowls, boxing up my leftovers in nice containers, cooking my own food rather than buying easily consumable snacks, and not watching TV or scrolling while I eat. I try to pay attention to my hunger and fullness cues. It can help to think of yourself as that child again and ask yourself, what makes this child feel happy and well cared for? And even remind yourself like you're a child, "it's okay, we have more food for later, and I won't let us go hungry. You don't have to eat more than you want." Might sound weird but it works for me haha.
Yes!! It does, I promise. It just takes practice. Your disordered thoughts are like ruts on the road, and the longer you've traveled on them, the deeper they get. It can take years of reframing to make new ruts. Focus on the changes you've made instead of the things that are still the same. For me, this week I stopped myself from checking my BMI. Past me wouldn't have even thought about it! We'll get there nonas, we've got this ♥

No. 262855

>Keep at it anon, use this energy to go on some nice walks or try yoga outdoors. The weather is beautiful lately.
Thank you. I do yoga now… You know I just want to be loved. But I now I will love myself and I know that you love me and thats enough

No. 262859

I do! And I can tell already that your love is what you need and deserve. The right people will come into your life soon enough, so don't entertain idiots while you're waiting for them. Enjoy your yoga practice, I wish you the best of luck.

No. 262860

Can you do smth about your belly?
Yes…pet, pet, pet!
Saged, I know it's not easy to love your imperfections, I struggle with it too, but we'll get there!
Never had a flat tummy, ever since I remember, oh well, I still eat what I want, but I exercise, too. If I feel good in my skin, that's what matters!

No. 262884

Love you too

I feel like I have to look perfect or I deserve no love. Because I had the no personality but at least cute kind of thing going. Now I try to also invest in my personality/life. And working out is a thing that gives me huge self esteem boost and the feeling that I actually have a life and that Im more than just my looks! Im happy you are feeling good in your skin. I believe that we can all do it somehow

No. 262889

Nayt but I too love you noni, you deserve to be happy in the body you're in, you deserve to feel full of life and energy, no scrote's opinion should be important enough to devalue your relationship with your body.

No. 262891

I'm rooting for you, I know you can do it. We are more than just our looks; we deserve fulfillment!

No. 262897

File: 1652214047140.png (1.66 MB, 1024x946, 1632324553025.png)

You have no idea how much you touched my heart

No. 266409

I hate this disease. It made me into a selfish, reclusive control freak and for what? I am medically underweight but don't even look like it. I wish I could stop once and for all.

No. 266425

I eat when I am stressed and sometimes I just literally kinda black out

No. 267389

Broke my fast with two 300 calorie salads and i feel the guilt setting in but I promised not to purge anymore.I’m just going to restart my fast I suppose.

No. 268003

i feel so fucking gross and fat i've only gained 10 pounds but i already feel like my face has got way fatter and people are treating me different, am gunna restrict for until its gone i feel so bad about myself. fuck fuck fuck

No. 268038

I've gained far more but I feel you nona. There's a striking difference in how people treat me, my face looks absolutely revolting when I gain a bit of weight. The only way for me to get treated like a human is to starve myself. I have to do it

No. 268105

Why destroy yourself for shallow, evil people who treat someone poorly for having a puffy face? If you know sure these people are watching your face and body for 10 extra lbs and judging you accordingly, why hurt yourself trying to satisfy them? The person who asks you to light yourself on fire to keep them warm will never say thank you. Cultivating a sense self worth that doesn't rely on other people's idiotic opinions is a far more worthy venture, and one that has brought me peace.
"Love yourself" is such a tired mantra. We don't have to love ourselves. But I do think we owe it to ourselves not to punish our bodies for other people. FUCK them. They deserve nothing. It's worth trying to be on your own side. If we're going to kill ourselves with these diseases then at least let it be for our own sakes.

No. 268278

File: 1654442969673.jpg (111.74 KB, 538x522, cake.jpg)

Why must fixing your relationship with food be so hard? I stopped being an anachan years ago, threw away my scale and just focus on eating healthy but even then I obsess over it and get intrusive thoughts when I've eaten something "bad". I don't restrict, make sure to get healthy fats too but sometimes I end up eating desserts as well for days. It's hard for my brain to stop thinking that I should restrict the following days to make up for the "bad" stuff I ate. I hate that I'm hyperfixating so much on it.

No. 268326

I feel the same. It's so hard when your triggers are all around you. I even get triggered by hunger; I feel a warm, safe, happy feeling because of my past behaviors and sense of security that came when I was starving myself. Recently I was on a day trip and got very hungry while I was out but we were on the interstate and I didn't want to ask to stop, didn't eat all day, and I just knew as I was sitting there it was going to send me on a spiral. And I was right! I'm trying hard to remember that moderation is good and I don't need to earn my food. It's just something our bodies need, and it's okay to enjoy it and want sugary stuff or bread. Love and support to you nona, we can do this.

No. 268463

File: 1654505074234.png (681.94 KB, 640x478, 1650638493611.png)

Trying to balance a restrictive ed with a history of stomach ulcers and chronic inflammation/acid issues really feels like I'm playing russian roulette at times. It's been stressing me out lately, which does not help.

No. 268470

It's so fucking difficult. I'm going through a similar problem, I'm trying to recover from bulimia, but it'll take a long time for my stomach to go back to normal. I feel full too fast, and the sensation lasts a very long time, and it's very triggering. I wish I could learn how to stop focusing so much on my stomach and what it's doing.

No. 268870

whatever. you're probably skinny anyway. you don't know how it feels. you got to be skinny already.

No. 269020

Losing weight is simple but it won't make you any less miserable.

No. 269080

people treat me so much better the more weight i lose, i get to wear cute clothing that makes me feel good about myself and people compliment me on, my body doesn't hurt and i get energy from the food i eat instead of feeling bloated and binging, but mostly it's just that people think i'm smarter, cooler, more attractive and more capable and hygenic the more weight i lose. im not a skelly so i get away with it and people think ED behavior is normal when you're fat. i feel like i have to have an eating disorder. if i were taller maybe i wouldn't have to but i'm 5'1" and ive been fat my whole life and i cant fucking do it anymore. 'nothing tastes as good' feels true right now.

No. 269148

Yes, when you go from fat to skinny people give you more attention and binge eating is a horrible cycle but anon, anorexia is hell on your body and mind. Being skinny is not fucking worth it. Restrictive disorders destroy your relationship with everyone and everything around you. It literally rots your brain and body.

No. 269155

If you lose weight by starving yourself you'll be left with saggy skin and it'll look even worse. You need to learn to eat healthy and exercise. A fat girl will never look as good as a thin girl just by starving herself. The damage is done.

No. 269194

And when I said you will be miserable I mean it. Anorexia isn't a diet you stop when you get skinny. You can't turn it off. You will still be depressed and miserable and obsessed with food and control. It gets worse the longer it goes on. Please, try to recover while you still have the chance.

No. 269244

it's sweet that you are trying but i dont think i can believe you right now. i am too black and white in my thinking about it. i'd rather be miserably obsessed with food and skinny than still constantly thinking about food AND having everyone look at me like i'm an incompetent slob. i dont think i'll ever stop thinking it's better unless i live it.

No. 269245

people who lose weight the right way still have saggy skin, it's just going to happen no matter what. i am starting from too high a weight. i just want to wear smaller clothes. i am working out and eating protein and shit, i dont have the self control to be actually anorexic, i just idolize it.

No. 269261

> the self control to be actually anorexic
I want you to read these messages out loud and realize how fucking insane it all sounds. You bought into the mystique of the dainty starving waif image of anorexia. You won’t be a cute dainty princess everyone fawns and cares about, you’ll starve yourself a bit, then binge eat, then starve again and so on, people in your life will not notice at all, and whatever weight you do lose you’ll gain back and more, with added self loathing too. OR you can just eat less and move more like a normal fucking person

No. 269266

I'll be honest, I am not saying it to be sweet. I'm saying it because wannarexics annoy the shit out of me. I've been there, I know what it's like. Do you want to lose your hair, personality, period, energy to do anything too? Do you want to not be able to shit more than once every two weeks? Do you want to fuck up your digestion, bones, teeth and heart function? Do you? Do not meme yourself from one ed to another.

No. 269268

>people who lose weight the right way still have saggy skin
You've got to be real fucking fat to be left with saggy skin after healthy weightloss, if you're that fat which didn't happen overnight then you can deal with staying fat a little longer while losing the healthy way.

And stop being this fucking cringey, fat wannarexics aren't cute.

No. 269271

Even if you lose weight slowly and healthily you will still have lose skin if you have to lose something like 100lb. There is no way around it.

No. 269274

>you will still have lose skin if you have to lose something like 100lb
>You've got to be real fucking fat to be left with saggy skin after healthy weightloss
Yes, that's exactly what I said, reading comprehension

No. 269288

thank you

No. 269309

Ayrt, I'm not. I've been in recovery for four years now and I'm 20 pounds overweight for my height. I could lose it, but I trigger myself very easily and I don't want to go back to what it was like before. It was like being dead but being forced to participate in the real world anyway. What I said came to you from a place of experience and empathy.

No. 269385

super late reply apologies but anon >>260210 is right, it's cl from the miss world mv

No. 269397

Based. I'm in the same boat as you nonna. Some people romanticize it because they don't know how bad it can get and think fictional characters like Cassie from Skins are an extreme example rather than a mild one.

No. 269838

Has anyone heard of Dr. Gaudiani? I've read her paper on severe and enduring AN and I have very conflicting thoughts. I just feel it's wrong for a psychiatrist to deem you hopeless and propose hospice/assisted suicide as your only options.

No. 269961

I haven't had my period for 6 months now and honestly it's been amazing. After a lifetime of crazy mood swings, pmdd, heavy flow with cramps that would incapacitate me for days this is heaven. It's a bad sign and I know I should try to fix it but I never felt so free.

No. 269966

>I just feel it's wrong for a psychiatrist to deem you hopeless and propose hospice/assisted suicide as your only options.
Haven't heard of this doctor but saying euthanisa is only option is completely unethical for a psychiatric condition.

No. 269974

Here's the paper if you want to read it but warning since it's fairly distressing https://jeatdisord.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s40337-022-00548-3

No. 270121

Oh nonnies, I relapsed again and B/P’d for the first time in almost a month and I feel like such an awful loser, can I get some words of support

No. 270123

Its not about perfection, even though our brains want it. We want it restricting and when we react to breaking whatever stringent rules we apply to ourselves.
But lets reframe what happen nonna
You went almost a whole month without punishing yourself because of your intake. youre fumbling but not completely down for the count. I hope you take a moment to say lovely things to your self, and when you are in the headspace- you should write down what you think triggered the b/p, and what warning signs you noticed before it happened.
The next meal is a clean slate. You got this nonna. Your body is trying its best, and so are you. Its not about how perfect you can be b/p free, its learning through it, you know?
Dont hate on yourself.
I hope that helped idk i need coffee

No. 270181

Same after 4 months of no B/P. Keep going as if it never happened, is all I can say. Lie to yourself. Getting back into a B/P cycle is not a fucking option for any of us. Anon eating and throwing up is gay and retarded, it really is. When I found myself bent over the toilet again I thought about how fucking ridiculous it is. Sorry I'm not more gentle but damn we really can do better than this.

No. 270184

Thank you so much. Yes, I do feel like shit, but I'll choose to be proud of myself for the time I was BP free, and try my hardest to make it a longer and longer time between stumbles. Hopefully one day I'll forget this even felt like an option. Hope you got some nice coffee!
Yes, yes yes! It really is gay and retarded kek. I don't know how anyone could romanticize it (least of all my retarded ass) oh, look at me, got my head jammed in the toilet bowl, how chic.

No. 270208

File: 1655169679426.png (43.32 KB, 1189x306, hackfraud.png)

This doc seems like a selfish fucking hack that doesn't care about anything but her image and her wallet. Check out some of her clinic reviews and you'll find people dissatisfied and told to start thinking about DYING like….. what the actual fuck.

No. 270213

i wish i could go back in time to when i was like 13 and stop myself from ever learning how to purge or having negative thoughts about food. i want to erase every time i've ever binged, purged, restricted, fasted. i would just move my body more instead of feeling insanely guilty and sorry for myself for things every woman goes through like having cellulite or not fitting perfectly into some stupid tiny outfit. i wish i would have appreciated having a natural slightly athletic/ curvy build instead of zeroing in on my exact weight like a retard, as if the numbers reflect what you look like. mostly i wish i could go back for health reasons though. i'm 99% sure that 10+ years of on and off bulimia/ ednos/ restrictive subtype/ whatever the fuck i had are contributing to a mystery autoimmune illness, fucked my metabolism to where i have to put effort in just to maintain an average semi-slim weight, gave me weird throat muscle problems and worst of all my fucking TEETH. tiny, short, like zero enamel, chipped, sensitive, but because they're straight, white-ish and i have all of them no one but me ever notices them. it's still embarrassing to me. i feel like them being ground down so much over time has led to my bite and facial features not being as nice as they used to be. idk there are multiple factors like aging/ collagen loss and there ARE things i can still try to do to slowly start looking cute and normal again instead of deranged and skinnyfat and nasty while i'm still young, but it's so much harder to do than it would have been had i been healthier in my teens and early 20s. i eat SO fucking healthy now without starving or binging and i work out and am trying like hell to retain the muscle and lose the fat but i just look exactly the same. or i'll feel like i'm starting to look better and then i'll see myself in pictures or videos and be so disgusted that i stop seeing anyone irl for a while. and i know i'll have body dysmorphia for probably the rest of my life and i don't want to despise myself every time i breathe or go out or see myself so i have to keep trying like this and hoping i can like afford veneers someday so that i don't feel like crying when i smile for a picture with my mouth closed and someone says "aw no come on smile for real!" and it ruins my whole day

tbh i think what sucks the most is still thinking like this and being as old as i am. like i have fucking arrested development or the nutritional deficiencies rotted my brain to where i am eternally a woe is me 18 year old tragic tumblr girl. it's so cringe and i'm very self-aware and know that it's cringe and no one thinks i'm a hideous monster except for me but i'm not able to stop because my brain is like permanently set in this way. i need to fucking do like CBT or something

No. 270248

Anon, can I recommend not counting the time? Just keep going, don't measure your progress or it will feel even worse when your 100 day streak becomes 0 again. Just keep treating yourself right. You've got this ♥

No. 270249

Yes, absolutely. You have the right instinct. You've been struggling on your own for a long time with no improvement. I think it's time to ask someone else for help. Seeing a therapist that specializes in ED would be a great start I think. Also, 10 years. That's a long time. Don't beat yourself up if you can't change those ingrained thought patterns overnight.

No. 270256

Binge eating disorder fatty with a permanently ruined body here. After an extremely abusive and neglectful childhood (and being opened up to even more abuse because my parents didn't give a shit) I started abusing large quantities of food as a means to feel emotional warmth at maybe age 11. I'm 25 now. My body is one of the weirdest looking most lowkey deformed things you've ever seen. I'm both obese but also very strong and muscly because I also work out pathologically. I'm a freakish cross between fatty and shehulk but with the worst characteristics of both of them and above all else I'm just shockingly ugly. And I can't stop binging. I regularly binge until vomiting because my life is so empty and painful and food is the only thing that's there for me. I would literally not be able to know how to live without binging

No. 270369

wannarexics and self-diagnosers make me want to a-log so bad. i have no sympathy for them which i figure is fair enough after 20 years of my own ed and multiple hospitalisations. the "famous" ones like dasha are the worst, if there was a way to put them all on a rocket and send them on a one-way trip to space i might actually do it kek

No. 270401

File: 1655292670934.png (228.89 KB, 640x480, fsbdmn.png)

Do people hit their ugw and maintain it for a long time?? I've heard the claims of "once you hit your ugw, you'll just lower it more and you'll never be satisfied" But i feel like i'm different, i won't want to lose more, I don't want to be a skelly, just cute and petite. My ugw isn't THAT low (bmi 16) and im only 4lbs away. I like my body the way it is now, just need to lose a little more so my stomach looks flat. Once I hit it i'll stop restricting… hahaha… right?

No. 270414

does anyone know how to start liking food again after restricting for so long? right now the only thing i crave is sugar. it's all i want to eat. when i eat any real food it just tastes like nothing to me and i feel like i'm forcing myself to eat and then after i just want candy.

No. 270428

Shut the fuck up

No. 270454

That's kinda the point of the disease wanon. It's never enough because it's not really about weight.

No. 270455

Can you eat natural sugar, as in fruits? Because if yes, just go for dry dates! They're insanely sweet, and healthy. Other thing that helps me (I'm on a diet where I have to avoid sugar at the moment too) would be sweet potato, bake it in slices and it's deliciously sweet while not even being that high in natural sugars.
Something that also improves enjoyment of food a lot too would be spicy flavors, just because they're intense. Chili ends up in pretty much every lunch I make.

No. 270458

Something that helped me was getting really into cooking and making exactly what I like. I experiment with strong, satisfying flavors, using a lot of fat, making sure the textures are good to chew but not glutinous or greasy, and it really helps me enjoy eating. I agree with anon who suggested dates! Go for stuff that overwhelms you with how good it is.
I think it sounds like you already know the answer to this anon. Are you looking for a sign to stop? I'm giving one to you. This is a free pass to let yourself rest.
I don't know if you're looking for a friend or advice or just to vent, but I'm here to listen more if you need it. I too feel ruined, but I'm working on rebuilding my notion of what a body 'should' be. I think it's wonderful that you're working out and building muscle, I think strong fat women have an air of immense dignity and strength, like a grizzly bear.

No. 270528

My binging and purging is out of control. I used to do it every 2 days. Now I can’t go a day without it, and the fact that I’m handsfree just makes it harder to quit. I b/p 2-3 times daily. It just keeps escalating. I’ve even woken up in the middle of the night to b/p. The thing is, I’m not even starving myself. I eat regular meals/snacks. I’m genuinely scared and angry at myself for allowing this to happen. What the fuck do I do?

No. 270530

Blog post, it changed for me. I thought the same way as you I never wanted to look spoopy just petite like a Kpop girl (I was looking at taeyon at her lowest for inspo) At 95 I wanted to go to 85 because I carry a lot of weight in my lower half and I felt my legs were still huge. But I got better around that time. Sometimes I still get tempted to get into the 80s just to see if I could ever have really slim legs, but I won't do it, I'm on antidepressants now and every time I try to starve myself I last for a day at most before the serotonin or whatever kicks in and I start thinking those dumb ass positive thoughts like "I'm at a healthy weight I don't need to compete to be the smallest I don't need to look like a photoshopped image to be pretty" and I never fully believe it but I believe it enough to eat when I start to get too hungry. The willpower I had to make myself suffer is basically entirely gone, which is a good thing lol, but sometimes I'm annoyed that I'll probably never get to experience life being truly "skinny"

No. 270531

Samefag the hitomi having a mental breakdown pic is such a vibe when it comes to this stuff lol

No. 270663

Im worried after literally years of being fine that my restrictive tendencies have appeared again. I was just trying to not overeat now that the pandemic has slowed alittle cause I gained some lb’s from staying inside so much, fast forward and my period is now late but I know I haven't been doing some extreme fast or stayed under something like 1k calories a day.
Might have to track my calories and see where im apparently majorly failing my body without fucking noticing.
(Theres no other factor that could have made my period late either, its been consistent all my life besides ed times and I (praise the cows) have never been with moids)

No. 270667

Aren’t you worried that tracking might trigger you? Also, stress could mess with your period. Are you going through something right now?

No. 270668

I just finished my finals season, but I have never had my period be affected by stress in any noticeable way however i might be fooling myself because I only in recent months started tracking my period properly and this might have absolutely occurred before and I just didn't notice. Only reason I even consider tracking is cause its with the intent to make sure im getting enough calories and I have grown past the sort of competitive urge to go as low as i can etc. I recently got medicated for hyperthyroidism and I think the hunger was keeping me mid to above healthy caloric intake depending on day and without that I am not doing as well prompting myself to eat cause I am easily distracted otherwise. I will avoid tracking for now to be safe and just try to be more conscious of my eating patterns and take it up with my endocrinologist if she has tips, she is a very nice woman and i am probably not the first one with this issue. Thanks for getting the ball rolling in my head nonna!!

No. 270778

I can never eat anything on the days I go to work because of how bad and stupid work makes me feel. My BPD and possible autism makes me feel like a fish out of water and I cope by not having anything. I’m prescribed Fortisip now after being in hospital so I just have about 800 calories of that each day before work and not only does it taste really nasty when you have it that often but then I go and work in an active job and the end result is basically chronic malnutrition. I just want to stay home and eat! I just got home and I’m trying to sleep but instead I’ve been Googling different kinds of food I want to eat but won’t let myself have. I also only eat once a day on my “food days” and the thought of having to go another 20 hours with nothing when my blood sugar already feels like it’s about to drop out of my ass is infuriating and really sad.

No. 271503

I can't believe someone like that is allowed to practice medicine. Absolutely disgusting, how is this allowed? It would be insane for any other mental illness. Even people with severe depression and destructive behaviors fight for years to get the right to assisted suicide, and most are never granted it.

No. 271533

This was such a strange read. Literally advocating for letting patients kill themselves so their families can stop having to care for them. It even says multiple times the doctor would advocate for hospice care in situations where the patient said they didn't want to die. She must be an actual sociopath.

No. 272094

Im so tired of yo-yoing but i know im off the deep end today ladies. Weighing shit out and i haven't eaten in days. Stressed about carrots.
Guess Im back in that mode

No. 272237

Everyone focuses on the social media aspect of how growing up with the internet can worsen/enable an ED but I am in hindsight amazed at the shit I was ordering as a teenager to assist in my purging tendencies. When i was in heavy restricting periods (cause i was absolutely b/p’ing trad style by hurling a medium family's order from shake shack into my toilet but it was like my Xanax for very good or very stressful moments) i would buy everything from laxatives, caffeine pills, diuretics and a bunch of health supplements. All of which I got off if IHerb cause i could use my debit card with my monthly allowance on it to order stuff online. I was running a whole health cartel in my drawer, who needs sugar free redbull when you can take a tablet type mentality and it was cheaper than buying x cans a week. I am to this day flabbergasted my metabolism and health didn't take some serious hits.

No. 272458

>bf and i go to park
>we brought taco truck orders to eat before a stroll
>bf sees onions on his burrito, literally gags. I offer to take it and he could have my tacos
>looking at burrito i feel worked up because its not in my caloric plan and its ruining everything.
> bust out crying, bf tries to tell me its ok
>i end up so upset i lose appetite
“Nona, you told me to let you know when youre too focused on food, ita happening”
I know. I cant turn it off

No. 272481

anyone else have intense social anxiety/bdd issues that it borders on agoraphobia. i literally fucking nest in my room and can't even leave it in my own house because the idea of my roommates seeing me and thinking anything about my weight/appearance makes me want to claw my skin out. its genuinely becoming a problem i dont know what to do. also cauliflower rice tastes like shit but its the only one my brain allows me to enjoy without contemplating suicide let me out lol

No. 272505

I relapsed really badly last year, lost my periods and since then I've been having TMI problems with my vagina. If I put even one finger in I start spotting and it's painful, it feels like it tears inside. It's often very dry and seems like it might be low oestrogen, has anyone else experienced anything similar? I'm also in my 20s and have been getting loads of new white hairs, looks like it's receding Ellen Page style, wow anorexia is so glamorous.

No. 272549

Aw, it was sweet of you to offer your tacos to your bf. It sucks when you want to do something nice or otherwise take care of your partner but you're not able to due to trauma or illness. Take it as a little lesson, and from now on you'll be that much better at managing ♥ Good luck nona

No. 272803

I had less issues in the winter but in the summer where it's not comfortable to walk outside in a ton of baggy layers I'm pretty much a shut in. I tried to talk about it with a therapist and she basically just said to love myself more.

No. 272839

in therapy i always get told to just 'love and accept' myself but thats such bullshit. im so irreversibly fucked that i only feel safe inside my room by myself.

also same anon, i love winter… i hope you can find a way to enjoy this season

No. 272851

seconded, as an ex-ana. I gave up on trying to change my ugly ass body shape and that was what ultimately led me out of the ana mindset

No. 272885

sorry if this is ot but im congenitally ugly and im still waiting for that time to come :(

No. 272923

kinda how i stopped being ana and recovered alone. i gave up on being "pretty". i stopped judging my body as pretty or ugly, fat or thin. it's a body, it exists, it works, that's all i need. if people find it ugly, well, they can look away anytime.
ofc ana thoughts still come back time to time, but i remember how shitty i felt. it didn't matter how thin i was, i still hated my reflection, still wasn't happy, always felt like i could shrink more and more.

No. 272973

Recovering on your own sounds cool as hell. I'm terrified of talking about my ed with a therapist, I'm so afraid of being judged. Was there anything else you did or learned that helped you with it? I'm trying my best to recover but I keep slipping up and it feels awful.

No. 272994

I was always curious what would happen if I reached my goal weight and the answer is that I feel as fat and ugly as I did before. I literally didn't believe I weigh what I do until I was weighed at the doctor's office today and realized it's not my scale that's broken.

No. 273012

Well said ♥
Ntayrt, but for me it was changing my mindset towards my body and actively fusing it with my concept of self. Not just a vessel, or a tool, not as an enemy to overcome. Then I got into weight lifting- don't look at that and get excited about a new type of exercise though lol. But it changed me to feel strong instead of thin. I ate more and I ate well because I wanted muscles, and suddenly my body didn't feel like a painful, hungry, angry burden. Find something to do that lets you enjoy a healthy body, and learn to cook your own food! Taking ownership over what I eat (without weighing or measuring) has been very helpful for me.

No. 273309

What the fuck am I supposed to say when people notice I lost weight? I hate the comments. I hate the fake concern and pitying looks.

No. 273325

Its happening again. When will I stop being so stupid? I used to think EDs were the most ridiculous and saddest of mental illnesses, now I can't eat an apple without guilt. I'm not even a superspoop so what's the point. I am trapped in a mind jail and I can't escape. I want to disappear.

No. 273548

Started restricting again and lost weight and now I'm also losing my hair again. I'm so fucking tired of this it's not even funny.

No. 273572

I can't shower because I hate my body so I just drink and live like a diogenes and when I'm puking I'm actually like nourish in the bad days. Gross, embarrassing.

No. 273655

Stupid teen me always thought getting underweight would suddenly turn me into a model. Turns out my face is cece levels of ugly when emaciated. I am so jealous of models who have plump but defined faces while being spoopy.

No. 273663

God I hate this. I try to just act unbothered by it and just say my family and work has been really stressing me out. I don't know what people think they're doing when they ask this, for all they know I could have cancer or some type of serious illness and not want to talk about it.

No. 273668

Exactly, it's so inconsiderate. My favorite is when it's phrased as a question, next time I'll just say no and act delusional. It is horribly mean and I would never actually do it but I do fantasize about asking them if they have gained weight in response. Honestly I'm against any body comments in general. You never know what someone is going through mentally or physically.

No. 273919

What are the best motivators to recover? It's hard enough for me to try motivating myself to keep my head above the water.

No. 273925

Have you considered using lube?

No. 274036

Has anyone seen the documentary Emma Wants to Live? I just watched it and I have to say it's probably the weirdest piece of ED related material I've seen. Basically, it's a film about an 18 year old Dutch girl who died from anorexia, and it interviews her family and medical staff and shows maybe 5 minutes maximum of footage of the actual girl. The vibe is very off, everyone talks about how great of a person she was, how she had severe complications from starving herself, but there's never so much as a hint of why this girl began starving herself at 12 and why no treatment had ever worked. They really act as if the disease just happened to her and don't discuss mental illness or trauma at all. And her parents essentially put her in hospice care in Portugal and let her die. Very unsettling watch.

No. 274333

I felt myself about to get back into one of those constant b/p phases so I'm trying to allow myself to do it one day a week. It's not ideal but it gives my binge-addicted self something to look forward to and makes it easier to stay on my usual 1200 cal program. Again I know it's not ideal but it's worked for months.

No. 274345

The only thing that worked for me is not wanting to upset my mom. That and shame.

No. 274682

File: 1657557627276.png (113.49 KB, 720x994, Screenshot_20220711-123754~2.p…)

I did something stupid today which was check out the ED part of reddit. I feel like this comment and the amount of upvotes it has just broke me. I've been trying to get out of the "I'll be happy when I'm skinny enough" for so long and this just made me feel hopeless.

No. 274706

That's just the ana brain rot that comes with starving your brain. Being underweight is not fun and it doesn't feel good.

No. 274707

>Being underweight is not fun and it doesn't feel good.
Agree, imo it just shows these people are not actually underweight.

No. 274713

For me it's partly what these redditors are saying - except that the only way to redeem my existence is to be underweight, because I'm 1. a huge bitch with linebacker shoulders 2. depressed, autistic and extremely socially anxious 3. a complete fucking failure
Anyone else doesn't need to be underweight to be tolerated but I do, I know I do, I know other people can only stomach me when I don't look like a big tubby sperg man
I don't want to be skinny to feel good and look hot, I want to be skinny because it's the bare minimum for me to be able to exist in public at all

No. 274716

I have an extremely unfortunate face, am taller than many men, and cannot move my body correctly. My existence is nothing but cringe and looking the way I do makes any fat I gain (with my awful fat distribution) look absolutely fucking retarded and disgusting, and I can't compensate by being a nice and confident person because I'm a permanently fucked pathetic sperg that can't relax around people
I HAVE to be thin to exist like this, the alternative is wanting to kill myself 24/7

No. 274773

Not gonna read it cause I don’t want to a-log, but I’ve been pretty underweight for about a year now after years of being a stable enough BMI while still restricting and I can tell you honestly it’s awful. I’m not really young like most of the twittertards but off the top of my head I have

>digestive problems, bloating like crazy after literally one drink of water or a cup of tea

>zero sex drive, pussy can’t get wet
>dry skin, dandruff
>getting white hairs, hair loss
>recently bradycardic but also get palpitations when eating and drinking

No. 274917

most people on ed twitter are overweight role players who lost their first 5kilos/10 pounds and scream “eating disorder”! as girls are pressured and shamed when not uber skinny, this realization of “i’m happier skinnier” comes as no surprise and only for those who are not accustumed with a low bodyweight and think they just discovered something new that makes them unique

No. 274918

samefag i meant to write ed reddit. but fuck those underage bitches from twitter too.

No. 274959

This is true, and because it’s unwoke to disagree with self-diagnosers in any way now (at least it feels like) and people are obsessed with being valid you get all this stupid shit like “oh wow, skipped lunch twice in 2017? Totally valid ED-haver!” It’s infuriating and the best thing to do is act like the attention seekers don’t exist, don’t read their crap and block on sight if they ever show up.

No. 275088

I wish the addictive nature of ED behaviours was talked about more often bc jfc. I went from "indulging"(for lack of a better term) in certain behaviours for a few weeks, always able to pull myself out of it and return to more normal ways of eating but i'm currently in a hole I can't dig myself out of. I know only I can stop/change but ffs is this it for me now? To have overcome other forms of SH to fall at this late juncture with ED behaviour? I can't help feeling way to "grown" to be doing the shit i'm doing, I know better but I think a lot of people in a similar position feel the same.

Also trying to find appropriate literature for help is so difficult because most resources operate from this presumption i'm either a teenager or i'm slim-normal weight. I'm objectively overweight, trying to lose weight healthily has always resorted to unhealthy ways and it's irritating to read "uwu you're not fat!!" like i'm a retard that can't input BMI. Rant over just needed to offload.

No. 275304

It is so hard not to alog in the proana scumbags thread. I don't know if it is an influx of mpa fags or what but it has been really retarded lately.
Nonna I feel like I could have written this. It feels embarassing to be an adult with an ed. I shouldn't be hurting my body like this at this age and yet here I am.

No. 275354

i think society doesn’t want to accept that women suffer from this through adulthood so they turned eds into a quirky teenager thing where girls want to be skinny cause they are dumb and attention seeking and they want boys to like them, ignoring the fact that it’s a coping mechanism and the pressure of staying thin doesn’t ever dissaper. if you ever gain weight you are lazy and you failed. how the fuck can i live with that?

i hate the body positivity movement because it’s useless on me. they can screech love yourself all they want, but the reaction others gave me, especially my mom and female relatives ( women over 40 love shitting on your body it makes them feel alive again ) proved me enough. i’m not even overweight, but they keep telling me i’m fat and i should go to the gym to get toned and that i don’t dress up enough. they tell me life is easier if you’re skinnier. yet when i was severly underweight mom said i look disgusting and that no one would look at me. They all want to mold you into whatever they wanted for themselves

Sorry I have no positivity left to give. I gave up being a normal weight because it upsets others around me and makes me feel like a failure, and I am ashamed to say I don’t want to starve myself but it’s the only way others would take me seriously as a person.

No. 275355

when i hit my ugw i went crazy because i thought that would make me happy and fix my life, but after the high of hitting such a low number wore off i was faced with my hopeless life and the realization that my weight can’t change anything, so I wanted to lower my weight out of spite and as a way to torture myself. I felt like a had no more fat to lose so I wanted to damage my organs and get as unhealthy as I can to punish myself for having hope that losing weight would change any of the shitty things in my life. then slowly i started to gain because i though it’s pointless, my body can’t help me be happy again

No. 275380

Not involved in any of this but your post further proves all ana-chans are attention whore pickmes. You kill yourself to try to fit a beauty standards you never will and seeing your post makes me so happy I've gained weight and recovered.

Anorexics are really scary, they think every woman is jealous of their perfect physique while looking like rotting corpses who smell of puke and a rotten fruit cause of their severe hypoglycemia.
And although your mental disease is caused by men who only find women attractive if we actively starve or deform ourselves in other ways, you still so vehemently blame less attractive older women just like a pickme would.
Thankfully most anorexics die soon if they don't put their health before mens standards and recover so they mostly don't get to have kids - especially daughters- to torture.

No. 275427

>your mental disease is caused by men who only find women attractive
You are trying to up me but you didn’t understand anything I said and now you’re jumping to accuse me that it’s because “all men bad”. No, I was saying that the only bad reactions I ever got were from women that try to shame me for being perfectly normal. I know we like to shit on men but no men ever treated like the women around me do, no matter if I was fatter or dressed bad or whatever. You can’t take it and want to shit on men and make it about male validation. It’s the women close to me that constantly try to make me believe that there is something wrong with me and I’ve got other life issues I can’t control, idk why you are trying to seem so puritan about the whys of starving yourself. Congrats on “gaining weight” I am a normal bmi not some fragile frail idot, yet that doesn’t change that I torture myself because some old bitches,yes some older women because they aren’t all some guardian angels, expect me to be a supermodel while men never gave a fuck. If you’re trying to be a special snowflake “uhmm society only affects the weak i’ve got my unique set of problems” like you’re living in a vaccum, good job.
>anorexics are really scary, they think every woman is jealous of their perfect physique
anorexics don’t give a shit about you they just want to eat without guilt, but go on and believe the caricature that they are some mean and bitchy girls that just want to fit into the smallest dress

No. 275492

You sound like a scrote

No. 275501

ive been both starving and eating high res and purging a lot when i was alone in my student room, i lost 10kgs in 3 months. i was happy bc i felt like i have finally got hold of myself even if it was in the wrong way but idc. now that im back at my parents house i cant stop binging and i feel like ive gained 4 kgs in 3 weeks. i cant smoke in their house anymore, cant purge bc my gag reflex is fucked, i just spend my day eating fuckton of shit until i feel like my stomach feel like its gonna explode. i dont want to cook at home bc we have this weird rule of "if u cook u have to share it w everyone" fuck off i aint gonna give them low cal meals lol. anyways i hope i can get back on track and restart my disorded journeys, i felt like it was better like that.

No. 275533

I'd rather sound like a man than starve myself for men.

No. 275541

Begone male

No. 275723

File: 1658011685380.jpg (675.82 KB, 1821x2800, clean.jpg)

What's the most I can lose in a month?

No. 275726

seconding this.

No. 275728

If you eat nothing for 31 days?
If you eat 1000kcals a day, maybe 3kg(6lbs).

No. 275792

I wish twitterfags would fuck off

No. 275802

This isn't a weight loss advice thread, fuck off

No. 275855

If she ate absolutely nothing she would probavly lose her whole body weight, as in die lol

No. 276032

I don't imagine anyone who has chosen to come into this thread will have an answer, but when does that nostalgia for the ED end? I chose to recover and have been throwing my entire self into it for 2 years and am finally weight restored to get released from outpatient. Life is so much better in so many ways. But at least once a day every day I resent all the good stuff in my life because it's "standing in the way" of me committing to starving myself to death. I'm not going to relapse but I can't imagine a life where I don't want to 24/7.

No. 276578

>on a 2 day streak of no food as usual because i feel bad about myself for being a stupid autist, 1 more day until i'm "allowed" anything
>impossible to ignore palpitations for the 5000th fucking time
>can't concentrate on anything, brain just wants to read restaurant menus like the bible

so annoyed at my body

No. 276650

Today I have an appointment at a weightloss clinic. I have struggled with binge eating for as long as I could remember (tldr i was raped at 14 after i loss alot of weight and since then eat to gain weight so im not assaulted again)
Now Im going to have a meeting with a dietitian, a trainer, a psychiatrist, and a doctor to go over which plan is best for me.
I wanna cry because its been so hard to fight this binging and self sabotage, and i feel some relief that theres even a slim chance I may be able to change my relationship with food.
I want to have a daughter one day, and I dont want to continue this tradition of eating disorders.
I just might be able to change my course without neglecting my body in the process. No more crash diets, no more fasting for days as punishment. NO MORE. its time to love myself and do it right.

No. 277690

I'm trying to recover on my own and today I ate at my maintenance calories. Logically I know I won't suddenly gain 10 pounds but I can't stop freaking out. After years of dieting, disordered eating and an ed eating this much food feels wrong. It's so wack, because I know I shouldn't lose more weight and I don't want to but I'm convinced I'll gain if I have more than 1200cals a day. I'm so sick of this. To make everything worse I barely have an appetite most days, I'm basically force feeding myself.

No. 277757

I don't have any advice but I'm wishing you good luck nonnie! You can make it!

No. 277775

In awe of your strength an determination nonna.

No. 277822

Nonnies how long does it take for your electrolytes to go back to normal after you stop purging? I’m 3 days purge-free and I still feel fatigued and dizzy and weak all the time. I’m not underweight, and eating more or less at maintenance

No. 277845

Do you have adrenal fatigue anon?

No. 277856

I feel you. I’ve had horrendous period pains the past year that suddenly made the thought of losing my period appealing in a way it never really was before.

You seem nice, anon

Oh my god, yes. Vibes were off indeed and “unsettling” is a good way to describe it. The treatment place seemed so inappropriate - the lack of clear treatment, the intensity of the physical and emotional intimacy between the staff and Emma, the fact they just watched her slowly dying and were like “this is fine”. To say the least of the refusal to actually discuss anything beyond the superficial.

No. 277864

Ayrt, heating pads and hot showers helped me the most with the pain. Though I guess that isn't a great option with the current heatwave lol. Period yoga didn't necessarily help the physical symptoms but it put me in a better state of mind. I hope your period pains return to normal soon nonnie.

No. 277883

>somehow skinnier after recovery and refusing to count calories, always eating intuitively
what the hell nonnas. did i really screw my metabolism up so hard while fasting for years that even the lowest amount made me not lose more weight? i have to constantly force myself to eat more than i want to now otherwise i drop weight like crazy. i was a skinny kid and only developed anorexia after i gained weight from meds, maybe my body is just insane but has anyone ever experienced this? i starved for 5 years fwiw, have been intuitively eating for 3.

maybe my body just got used to eating so little and that’s all it wants now. i guess that’s why ideal recovery is done with doctors

No. 277954

You didn't break the laws of physics nonna, you just aren't eating enough calories to maintain your weight. Your metabolism is fine. Intuitive eating doesn't work when your appetite and hunger cues have been destroyed by long periods of restriction.

No. 277956

Just need to ramble so pay no mind!
I binged rapidlly to a weight slightly heavier than what I started w/ before developing anorexia.I truly regret it. It’s winter and now I’m sweating and overheating while wearing a light cotton skirt and sweater outside to do errands, which feels ridiculous considering last year I’d be decked out with like five layers of different sweaters/fur hats/heavy wool skirts/leg warmers, and still be somewhat freezing in the same weather conditions. Just feels so gross. I’ll see people the same weight I am now in puffy jackets and scarfs and I’m just soaked in sweat from walking around wearing much less.
I thought I’d be more functional now that my body is not constantly running on empty, but I can’t deal with it. Losing my obsessive patterns has ruined any self discipline and determination I had. The physical and mental struggle of being so thin and exhausted from pushing myself in the past made me extremely motivated to do the best I could, and now I’m just kind of bloated and dull. Other than an undercurrent of shame for what my body is presently I just don’t feel alive or excited about anything i care about in ways I should be. I want to go back.

No. 278015

File: 1658849505204.jpg (476.47 KB, 1018x1920, ec30c309-6f6f-46ec-bb30-575658…)

Nonnies, I drank 2 glasses of salt solution but nothing is coming out, fuck. Fingers down the throat and toothbrush never worked, so what do I even do now? Fuck, I just feel even more bloated and disgusting I hate it

No. 278018

Are you unironically asking for ana tipz

No. 278023

Nah, my gag reflex was nothing much from the start and now it's fucking gone completely ig, so I'm just venting. Welp, no b/p for me now it seems, so now I just have to come up with a way to set myself back to ana-chan or ortho-chan mindset somehow

No. 278071

Sooo I just had a delivery driver come to my door to deliver food…accept i hadn't ordered from that restaurant. Oh no, he just assumed that it was for me because he delivers food here so often! Not mortifying at all! Think this is a wake up call tbh, wish me luck im going to get out of this groundhog day I'm currently in.

Has anyone here tried the eating in public approach for recovery? Mainly binging side of things?

No. 278091

File: 1658875905124.png (180.8 KB, 477x242, mlewl.png)

how do you nonnies deal with plateauing if its ever happened to you?
i swear to god i weigh about the same as i did before i started working out like crazy and eating like a bird, not going to name any numbers but you get the idea. my bmi is the same, i look the same. i just sweat a lot. well my calves look different a lot more toned so thats nice, but my weight is the exact same, and i eat way less and work out a million times more than i ever have in my life consistently for almost six months now.
wtf is my problem? well actually my real question is how do i deal with this?
i dont even want to be a skelly in fact i feel physically sick when i see pictures of myself especially considering i always looked like a starvation victim all my life. i just feel like a fat sack of shit if i dont do anything, so i spend all day working out, and i mean an average workday's worth of hours working out. i know its pathetic and i should get a job, but i cant right now. i know i do this for a sense of control but i have nothing else to do, and i feel that i might as well fill my time by self improoving, but it seems like nothing is improoving whatsoever and i look the exact same just more miserable. whenever i rest its like my body screams at me to get my fat ass up and work out, like it physically starts aching, especially my legs, and the pain doesnt stop until i go at it again. its unbearable i recognize how tired i am and yet i cant seem to stop. every time i take a break or rest or even when i go to sleep i feel insanely guilty because i could be working out then. i dont even give myself any time to eat because i could be working out, on top of already hating eating before i hated it for disordered reasons and worrying about how the calories will affect the ones i should be losing after my workouts. and like i said despite all of this seemingly 0 results.
i just feel so horrid, im so frustrated. i dont know what to do anymore, i dont know how to deal with this. i guess im just venting.

No. 278105

File: 1658882098486.jpg (47.1 KB, 686x754, 1657665100944.jpg)

Had pretty fucked up thoughts on and off for a few months already and still trying to figure out what the hell to do with it. Honestly, never had to deal with an ED but had a rocky relationship with food. In my kid and teen years, I would skip breakfast and lunch completely but then binge eat at home. Although I remember keeping a somewhat healthy BMI despite still being lowkey chubby and curvy. Didn't help that my mates were making fun of my big ass and maybe other pointing fingers about my appearance. Thus began a lifelong hell of body image and existential issues. I wanted to become anorexic during my teens tho that plan foiled hard within a week. Oh man, I've been hiding this shit from my bf cuz I'm 100% sure he is not gonna let me as a sane person would. Even now I'm debating on being really skinny cuz massive body image issues. My bf specifically said that he likes a little chub, just need to work out on the legs. I'm still in this mindset that I don't want to look how I am now. I just want to be really skinny, not this piece of shit pile of lard. For now I'm just trying to water fast and eating leafy greens on the side tho want some tips on how to do it better and stick to it.

No. 278113

Asking for proana tips and wanting to ~become anorexic~ is the most cringe, childish shit anon please get a grip.

No. 278131

Those last 3 posts with a pic might be scrote/troon bait. Unfortunately for that anon I wouldn't wish anorexia on my worst enemy.

No. 278147

Yeah something sounds off about those posts, the second one especially. What woman actually describes herself like that? God can we not have one place safe from men??

No. 278240

gee, thanks for calling me a scrote. not everyone in 'eating disorder general' is going to be in recovery or even attempt one

No. 278255

yesterday my bf said my collarbones look beautiful. he doesn't know what he just unlocked.

No. 278350

It was never intended to be proana though.

No. 278373

I feel like a stupid, poorly trained animal. I have been fine for almost two years, working out and eating healthy and being so happy until I skipped eating on accident the day before yesterday and it felt so, so good, like a rush of drugs. I slipped back and haven’t been able to stop loving the feeling and haven’t eaten in over two days now…it’s starting up again and I can just tell by the end of the year I’ll be fucked again. Two years of good habits gone so easily, back to running until my toenails bleed and crying at 5am in bed with no sleep because I can’t stop thinking of numbers and sprinting to the kitchen to read all of the calories on every box and jar and promising to never eat any of them. I tried on my jeans, my leggings, my bras that I had at my lowest and of course they didn’t fit and now I’m in a spiral all because of a stupid handful of meals…what the fuck. Am I stuck like this forever? I’m so desperate to stop this before it gets crazy but I’m so scared and embarrassed and don’t know where to start. Maybe I’m destined to live terribly.

No. 278458

Setbacks are normal nonna, eating disorders are like an addiction. It's incredibly easy to slip back into old habits. It's good you realized what's happening, it shows you made progress. Don't be too hard on yourself, I know that 'recovery isn't linear' is the most cliché thing to say but it's really not. As for where to start, take small steps. Have a set time for meals, and make it a routine. Maybe cook something you really enjoy. Remind yourself of all the bad things that come with restriction. You can overcome this, I believe in you #♥##.

No. 278461

Samefag, but I didn't want to add my vent to the reply. For anyone in recovery or attempting it, how did you start enjoying food again? The only thing I have cravings for is fruit. Which obviously isn't ideal. Even my mom's cooking doesn't have the same charm as it used to? I try to eat a variety of foods and different meals but I simply don't enjoy it. I used to be the person who would cook entire meals at 2am if I craved something but now I spend hours agonizing over what to eat to fill my calorie goals and get all nutrients in. I'm getting better at recognizing I'm hungry but then I get stuck on what to eat because nothing is appetizing enough.

No. 278508

time and romanticization. took me like a year and a half to finally feel enjoyment from regular eating. going out of my way to find exotic dishes and foreign fruits helped a lot, plus cooking for other people and sharing the food with them. makes me feel more like i’m doing something meaningful and worth enjoying.

No. 278741

does anyone else struggle with running into things that encourage their ed while internet browsing? i don't follow any ed accounts or threads besides this one, but lately it feels like i can't go 10 minutes on the internet without seeing shit like which celebrities are fat and which ones are obviously anorexic, people self diagnosing with anorexia because they skipped lunch twice in 2017,
those stupid jokes about only having iced coffee for the day which are obviously not true etc. i can't even engage with the fandoms i enjoy properly because people keep making shit up about characters having eds. i don't know if this sounds wimpy of me but i honestly find it so isolating and upsetting when gaining weight is already hard. i don't want to give up on trying to get better but i don't know how i'll manage to just exist happily at a healthy weight again when the world is so fucked. sorry for the ramble, maybe other anons can relate though?

No. 279353

File: 1659512839687.jpg (45.9 KB, 564x752, d0cecded57e5afa4d19b2de0f3525b…)

I hate that I feel and look the best when I'm at my lowest weight. I'm still in a healthy BMI range, but it's scratching the underweight territory. I sorta relapsed over the past couple of months and while I didn't starve myself but managed to lose it with diet and exercise, my obsessive thoughts kept coming back. I was very strict about reaching my goal weight and not indulging in any desserts or eating out at restaurants. I was at a healthy weight then and had no reason to lose it whatsoever but it's like I just won't accept a different weight for myself. I notice that I'm so much more extroverted and more likely to put myself out there. I'm short and I feel like I have such weird proportions unless I'm at a really low weight. I'm sorry if this sounds vain, but I also notice how I get much more attention (of any kind) when I'm at my lowest and it's the only time I ever get compliments about my looks even when I'm wearing a plain outfit.

No. 279955

Still no sign of my period, 4 months now. I guess I am not doing as well as I thought. My mom is concerned and wants me to get labs done but I don't want to get anywhere near a doctors office right now.

No. 281727

if my entire lfe is just going to be me spiralling over my appearance and my weight theres literally no point. ive put my entire life on pause bc im so hideous. theres no fucking point.

No. 281732

just stop caring, this is pathetic. you have a right to be ugly in public so theres no point putting anything on pause

No. 281734

its just not that easy. ive been called ugly and fat since primary school. how can i not obsess over it

No. 281740

i feel the same way nona! i carry weight very weirdly like a lot of it on my arms and my hips, but not my legs or my thighs. It's strange. i also only ever feel confident being very low because my body looks normal.

No. 281743

File: 1660448455120.png (38.16 KB, 889x654, skjdj.png)

well, the good news is it's possible, and I know that because I also have been called ugly my entire life. The ONLY way forward is to stop caring. You already know people think you're ugly, so just move on already. It's literally all up to you. You have the ability to stop being a little baby about it. Or you could continue to stew and suffer. I even made you a little diagram showing you what your choices are. i picked the one on the right and would recommend it

No. 281767

This kind of patronizing advice really is not helpful when you're talking about mental illness.

No. 281768

NTA but I agree, especially when it comes to eating disorders.

No. 281772

kek at the assumption i don't understand what it's like just because i'm saying stuff you don't want to hear. recovery means leaving your comfort zone and i know this first hand. you need to try to break out of your comfortable loops of self-harm and self-pity but I guess you won't take it from me so i wish you luck reaching this conclusion yourselves, hopefully sooner rather than later

No. 281774

I didn't assume anything about you, and I don't know what you mean by "you" because I'm not even that anon. "just stop doing x" and unnecessarily insulting people who are struggling with their mental illness is asshole-ish and not helpful.

No. 281778

Relapsing. I went into recovery at the end of 2020 (83lbs) and am currently 120lbs. So much has happened in the last 1.5 years (new job, new friends, new apartment/roommate, new life in general) and I feel like I could never ever fall back into the thinking patterns I held when I was at my worst. The delusional body dysmorphia, obsessions with specific features and intense, pervasive obsession with looking emaciated, the constant self-hatred and criticism. My old ED was a full-time job, deeply intertwined with my social life at the time, I filled a dozen journals with self deprecating rants, calorie counts, insane weight/measurement goals. But I’ve healed from that, I’ve matured, I’m mentally stable and confident now. My circumstances have changed so much that it’s not even possible for me to obsess over being thin like I used to, it just wouldn’t work.
A week ago, I innocently decided I wanted to lose some weight only so I could fit into my old clothes again instead of selling them. Just 15 pounds would be enough. And I just haven’t eaten since then. I’m not actively TRYING to starve myself, I just keep thinking “I’ll wait until after work” “I’ll wait until dinner” “I’ll wait until tomorrow” and I end up eating a handful of grapes every morning and nothing else. I catch myself body checking and weighing myself throughout the day. I’m lying to people about having already eaten to avoid meals. I was perfectly content with being 120 for the past 6 months and now it frustrates me deeply every time I see that number on the scale. This happened so fast I just hope I’m not spiraling, it would ruin everything. I don’t want to hate myself again, I’ve been doing so well, I need to set realistic expectations for gradual weight loss but it’s so hard to not get caught up in the idea that I’ll get there faster if I just wait to eat. I feel like absolute shit because I haven’t eaten ANYTHING and I’ve already forgotten how to make myself do it. It took so long to get here and it all disappeared so fast. I really, really hope I get to 105 and just start eating again, enough to maintain, but I fear that it won’t be enough and I’ll lose everything again. I hate this.

No. 281779

ayrt, and nah I never said that. I share your opinion when it comes to normies who are just 'normal' insecure and get memed into thinking they need surgery or fillers. But that is surface level stuff and tough love, body neutrality concepts can snap them out of it. I just don't think it's the best approach when it comes to deeper issues like EDs, BDD etc.

No. 281780

Nonna, you are spiraling. It's not going to stop once you reach a certain weight and you know that. Your have to power to stop this now before it gets any more out of control.

No. 281787

im the anon, i just wanted to vent lol thank you. i know its good advice i just cant rewire 20something years worth of being told starving is better than being full overnight and be told im pathetic for it.

No. 282094

At what point can I just stop with this bullshit? When I was briefly on a medical ward last year I told myself I was going to stop and felt positive about my future and then I just… didn't. I was convinced then that if I ate once a day I was doing good and was somehow surprised when I didn't gain much weight. Now it's been nearly a year since then and my BMI hasn't been above 14/15 at all. I found out I have osteopenia in my hip, I'm exhausted all the time and I'm hungry as fuck and bored. I haven't eaten anything besides cereal since about May. I just want to stop.

No. 282201

"I'm worried for you, you are too skinny. You don't look sick but something isn't right."
>you don't look sick

And I was doing so good today.

No. 282719

File: 1660972405791.jpg (58.12 KB, 683x608, IMG_20220819_094509.jpg)

im doing a 3 day fast but im so hungry after 1 day. how do i resist the urge to cook pasta at 11pm

No. 282722

go back to twitter

No. 282733

I feel stupid. I think I'm relapsing without noticing. I got a mirror a while ago because we only had the small one in the bathroom and now I'm obsessed with body checking again and I've been doing that thing again where I don't eat all day and then I have like a 1000 calorie meal and go to bed.
Fuck, help me nonas. Should I put the mirror away? I don't want to worry my gf. It doesn't help that we have a trip coming up and I have to see some people I don't like and even after all these years, my brain tells me "ah we haven't seen them in a while, let's get really thin so we feel powerful and good" and I did start exercising too much again… I feel kinda dumb I didn't see this sooner.

No. 282764

I've been gaining weight and it's driving me fucking insane. I'm working out and shit too but it is quite honestly driving me fucking crazy. I feel like I'm gonna need to restrict again, I can't fucking deal with this nonnas kekkkkk I feel like ripping my fucking hair out holy shit.

No. 282795

It's good you've recognised this nonnie! I suggest putting the mirror away or covering it, tell your gf too I'm sure she'll be more than understanding and can help you!

No. 282804

how do i stop binging

No. 282805

i am recovered from my eating disorder for the most part, however im struggling with my current body. my bmi is about 20/21 and i am noticeably curvier than im used to. i have to wear size medium underwear. and size 6/8 pants. if i go under that bmi my period stops and i start seeing my ribcage again and just look sick. my face will look all hollowed out and masculine. i dont have the bone structure to look like a perfectly proportioned skinny pretty white girl.
i am hurt that people seem to think you can exercise yourself into looking a certain exact way, or that certain appearances have more moral worth than others. i feel that with my body changing and becoming curvier, people will view me differently. im afraid of being seen as weak, or impure, or too fat. of being compared to women whom i genetically cant measure up to.
im going back to college after working on recovering over the summer and gaining the weight and im just scared. im honestly really terrified.
i threw out the underwear that was too small for me (most of it) but im too uncomfortable to buy more. im really obsessive about underwear and not fitting into the size small underwear.
i feel like ive never been a pretty or feminine girl but at least i was skinny. but increasingly ive had to let that go. i know in the long run it will make things better but im scared. i know ill be happier focusing on hobbies and enjoying my life for what it is.
by letting go of my ed i was able to enjoy the things i had lost the energy or desire for, i was able to enjoy life more. i was able to eat a full meal without becoming overwhelmed with anxiety. but now i am facing the world different and in a body im afraid of.
in summary i have a lot of mixed feelings about this.

No. 282816

Finally got my binge eating under control about a month ago after also a year of binging. But I'm left 40lbs heavier with stretch marks everywhere. What do I do besides trying to lose the weight? My body's ruined. I miss when I was starving and thinner. I wish I could have stopped binging sooner.

No. 282826

Thinking your body is “ruined” is setting yourself up to not lose weight. Lose weight first, think about nothing else, never look at the stretch marks. Just focus on losing.

No. 282828

I forgot to say, it’s a great feat to get binging under control. Feel proud of yourself for that. Let that pride drive you forward.

No. 282843

File: 1661032260295.jpg (26.13 KB, 564x533, 1660899488316.jpg)

That's a good point, nonnie. Thank you so much! Sorry for the dramatics. I've tried not to focus on them while I was working on stopping binging, but I sat and stared at them in the mirror today and felt hopeless. They're all up my sides and my upper arms and it gets me, but you're right. Going to focus on losing the binge weight and try not to stress out as much.

For other anons who struggle with binging or are diagnosed with BED, I will say that what helped me was getting my nutrition under control (vitamins, etc.), Not overexcersing (which led to exhaustion and eventually to binges after weeks of it), and keeping myself busy. When I was unemployed and depressed, it was almost impossible to control binge triggers. I've also tried to isolate myself from stressful people and situations. No social media, etc. Maybe not ideal for everyone but it helps me a lot given how bad my anxiety can get.

I don't think I'm completely cured but this month and a half is the longest I've gone not binging since the pandemic began! So hopefully things can get better.

No. 282853

File: 1661039464000.gif (821.39 KB, 499x374, LcLR.gif)

it still feels kind of scary to me to think about but I want to try recovering somewhat. I want to be an independent person and being ruled by being afraid of what I think that other people think of me isn't how I want to live. I want to go back to how things were.

I guess a lot of this was spurned by watching proana cows and lurking ED communities and coming to the conclusion that a shitton of these people have no lives whatsoever besides being uwu sick and have zero hobbies or personality while I still have so many fun and cool things to enjoy and that there are so many things that I want to learn and be good at that I can't do if I still continue to hold onto something like this. I think about the interesting women that I strive to be like and I came to the realization that these two lifestyles aren't compatible. I'm tired of wanting to resort to being a soulless NEET just because it'd be the easier option.

I'm unfortunately still really afraid of gaining weight (it doesn't help that I'm short) but for now I want to focus on not hating myself for having an appetite in the first place. I'm also scared of backsliding and hating myself even more and thinking lesser of myself because of it. I really do think I willingly pushed myself into developing this shitty disorder and I have to face the consequences. it just sucks that a lot of people from my culture prioritize being skinny and pretty while in my natural habitat I am a mere sperg at heart who doesn't particularly care about makeup or being beautiful in public. I'm tired of looking at clothes online and seeing models photoshopped to be as trim and skinny and flawless as possible, and not to mention that any time there's a numbers game involved I start feeling competitive. I feel like the best way for me to think about it is to treat everything as neutrally as possible. I don't wanna overthink it. I still feel kind of pathetic but I'm working on it slowly. fuck me this post turned out longer than I expected

I found a lot of this post to be really relatable. I believe in you nonnie, this shit is hard ♥

No. 282881

Thank you anon, I appreciate it and I will! ♥

No. 282883

i found your post to be relatable as well.
especially the "i want to go back to how things were" line.
i remember before my ed i could just eat. those times i long for again, and i am happy to report i am actually starting to slowly somehow get that back after almost four years of an eating disorder.
im in my third month of recovery. the first month and the second month were horrifying. i had to constantly hear the ed voice telling me i was bad for this, i was a gross whore for eating, etc. the constant body comparison to others.
the voice is still in the back of my head but isnt so loud now.
so what im saying is it gets better. at the beginning i never would believe that i could eat three meals a day, that i would even have the energy to prepare those meals. but i do now and it feels more normal each time.
i wish that people understood that the body is not customizable, i wish people knew that once you develop an ed you cant just stop doing it, i wish people knew how having an eating disorder is dull boring banal suffering and not the pretty kind. having an ed is not shitting for three days and lying in bed all day a sweaty mess and wanting to die.
i believe in you too nona, please be kind to yourself <3

No. 283154

Something happened to upset me a lot earlier and make me very anxious (I struggle to have anything when I'm like that because I feel nauseous) but now I'm going to force myself to have my minimum calorie requirement anyway. Consider this post me holding myself accountable for my health and hopeful recovery and not letting myself slip any further. I'm the same anon as >>282094

No. 283229

My life will not improve if I have space between my thighs but I want it back so bad. I don't even need to be underweight (not really). Just 15-20 pounds lighter. I can lose that in a month or two and then stop. It will suck and I'll hate it and my arms will become bony and painful but my legs will look great. I'll be able to lay down without feeling disgusting. But really I feel disgusting to even consider hurting myself like this, especially because I know it's just a way to divert attention and energy from larger problems. I hate how much I miss starving and hiding from everyone. I even miss cutting. I'm so tired of all this.

No. 283377

My manager at work told me to eat more and said I had visibly lost weight. Her tone sounded like angry. It felt shitty. Piss off mate.

No. 283491

It's getting bad again. How did I get here? How did it get to the point I'm scared of calories in grapes?

No. 285126

I wish people talked more about not having an appetite/mental hunger in recovery. Most resources just talk about extreme hunger and giving in to your cravings, but not how deal with the lack of them.

No. 285271

nonny, are you me? eating sober is a chore for me now.

No. 285495

I couldn’t sleep and I am frustrated. I blocked this ex former “friend” because he doesn’t want to reflect his actions but I have a hard time to calm down my anger and move on. It happened when I hanging out with this “friend”. He said “he hates women” while texting this girl who have connections to his favorite punk shows. He said it in public and I asked him to stopped. But instead of knowledge of his actions he just grinned because I got offended. It was annoying of talking to him as straight forward as possible. But he always brought up his sad pasts like he was used by people, almost killing himself after his ex called it quits, and almost got killed after dropping me off. I tried to tell him none of them aren’t related to his actions I pointed out earlier. I know that he’s not worth it as a friend. But I tried different activities just to calm myself down and move on. I just want him to get karma for being a hypothetical piece of shit who thinks he have high morals than “normies”. I’m tired of idiots like that. I just have trouble of controlling my strong emotions and I don’t know how do it well.

No. 285525

Hey pall i think you may have posted in the wrong thread.

No. 285550

I binged the past 2 days because of a celebration and I gained 5 lbs. I know it's just waste and water weight but I was eating max 500 calories for months and freaking out and I didn't even count calories and now I'm just so bloated and I feel heavy and my stomach hurts so badly. I know I shouldn't but I'm drinking a shit ton of green tea and fasting to try to feel normal again. I just feel so full and heavy and it hurts. My stomach feels distended. I didn't feel nauseous or anything though. I weigh myself every day and it makes me so mad and I start crying. Sorry, I'm just venting. I hope I can feel normal soon and exercise again.

No. 285621

There’s an Ed account I follow on insta that is currently trying to recover but is having second thoughts and struggling/binging and purging a lot. Im supportive of her recovery but I’ve been commiserating with her about b/p-ing so she isn’t lonely and can like vent her distress (and also, I have no one to talk to about that stuff to so i feel seen when she complains about certain things) but I’m paranoid Im being encouraging of her Ed behaviors by understanding and bonding instead of disapproving. Im not trying to recover myself so I’m afraid to further derail her progress but I also don’t want her to feel like she has no one to be honest with. So part of me wonders if I should extricate myself from her cause I know could possibly trigger or rationalize a relapse. But she’s an adult and her recovery isn’t incumbent upon me and what I’m doing in my life, but I still feel guilt. Like somehow my own self destruction might be effecting someone other then myself and I don’t want to deal with that? Am I a bad person? Am I encouraging her Ed? Should I care or feel responsible at all? Does me having a vent/Ed account help or hinder people like me? I’m afraid that I’m bad for her but I’m also selfish and don’t want to stop talking to someone who gets how I feel.

No. 285828

My ed evolved into not eating because Im depressed and angry. I don't care about losing weight and Im confortable with my 16.5 bmi body, I dont count calories, I dont relate to pro-ana shit anymore. Im just struggling with food because I hate the physical sensation of a full stomach and I prefer the dissosiative state of hunger to cope with my everyday life.
Anyone is having the same issue?

No. 285904

>”stop losing weight anon you’ll disappear”
>”you’ve become so much prettier since the last time i saw you”
and in the same conversation too kek

No. 286597

File: 1662683416115.jpg (76.09 KB, 933x933, IMG_20220907_174705.jpg)

ive absolutely relapsed and i am starting to restrict my meals and purge anything i do eat.
i am in a really shitty place in my life right now and the only thing making me feel euphoric is watching the number on the scale drop. i started rejecting invites from my friends because i dread that eventually theyre going to want to eat out.

No. 286620

my 14 year old sister’s room looked like a bomb exploded in it so while she was at school today my mum and i cleaned it up. we found bags of rotting food that was packed in her school lunches that she obviously didn’t eat and just random piles of food around the room growing mold onto her clothes and belongings. thank god it’s winter right now so the smell wasn’t so bad. my mum is furious and she doesn’t understand mental illness so she thinks my sister is lazy or is doing it to spite her so i’ve been trying to convince her to not get mad at her because that will alienate my sister further. my dad has contacted her school to make sure my sister eats her lunch in the school admin building so the staff can make sure everything is eaten. and i think she might be seeing the school counselor. throughout this whole thing all i can think of is been there done that (although i tried to dispose of my food pretty quickly instead of letting it rot in my room). anyway i’m just really worried for my sister and now i can truly see how frustrating and worrying disordered eating is to the rest of the family. i don’t know that my sister has lost any weight but it definitely seems like a symptom of depression. i’m not good at talking about feelings and personal stuff but i’m wondering if i should have a chat to her about it. one thing that is on my mind is that although my sister is 14, she seems completely uninterested in being a teenager and continues to watch and read things meant for kids. she also has no interest in social media, getting a part time job, watching teen movies or going to the mall with friends. not saying any of this is a prerequisite for being a teenager but it seems like she doesn’t want to grow up and i wonder if this food thing is a way of preventing puberty

No. 286899

I was a lot like your sister growing up, and I still am in a lot of ways. I think you should talk to her, yes. Try to figure out why she's not eating; in my case it wasn't a traditional ED in the sense that I wasn't actively trying to gain weight, I just completely lost my appetite due to depression. I hate to say it because I know where your parents are coming from, but having to eat in the presence of school staff would have made me feel so humiliated.

No. 286901

yeah i’m going to see if i can have a chat with her so i can understand a bit better. she goes to an all girls school and i guess they have to deal with this quite a bit because apparently they have a section of the school yard specifically for girls who have trouble eating, so the teachers keep an eye on them. it’s not ideal but i know my parents would feel better if they knew she was at least eating her school lunches. they’re also not letting my sister take food into her room anymore. it’s tough but i can see it being for the best because this apparently isn’t the first time they’ve discovered rotting food in her room. anyway hopefully this can become manageable and she can get the help she needs.

No. 287167

So I can say from experience that being herded into the troubled eating group/being observed by faculty does not help and is as the other anon stated, humiliating and isolating. I hated every moment of high school after faculty found out but I’m also now 33 and still disordered but now with no impulse/reason/desire to recover. I definitely suggest you talking to your sister and listening to her but also actual therapy without the drama and scrutiny. But you being by her side in this will end up being crucial. At least if you understand her or try to understand her, she’ll know she has someone and be more encouraged so things don’t get worse and she doesn’t spiral.

No. 287284

Your health and respecting your body is enough of a reason to recover. You don't need much more.

No. 287820

i gained about almost 6 kg since july and ive been finding out more about why i binge and my sister doesnt. im the smallest ive ever been in my adult life and yet im still malformed. i wake up and i think “ok! gonna stay hungrier now i need it!”, i get hit with an overwhelming sense of numbness or sadness at some point and i feel the need to throw myself into alcohol and/or food. i wish i wasnt like this because i feel so pathetic. i wish my arms didnt look deflated balloons theyre the worst part of my body. i basically look like i gave birth and got a tummy tuck at 23 which isnt to shame those who did but i still feel horrible, meanwhile my sister has been effortlessly skinny our whole lives. im sick and tired of this shit i cant wait to be in control of my environment and sleep until i hit my gw i literally cannot stand being alive in this body j cannot fucking bear having people see my hog waistless body and not even being able to tell what i fucking look like since my brain is too retarded to compute it in the first place

No. 287919

I used to do this thing if I had an event coming up where I was seeing people I hadn't seen in a while, like back to school, or a summer extracurricular, I'd get really fixated on losing a bunch of weight before the deadline. I usually felt very anxious about seeing those people again for the first time, and wanted to be… idk, I can't describe it without sounding stupid and airheaded. Being thin made me feel safer.
I had to see some of my gf's friends that I don't like on a trip with her recently and I was having a hard time in the weeks leading up to it. I was really struggling. So imagine my reaction when I saw that friend who I hate and she's fatter than me now? I wish I could feel nothing but I'm not even satisfied or excited, I'm just thinking about how I can be even thinner this winter when we go again for the holidays. I hate this stupid way of thinking, it makes me feel like a nasty cold blooded worm. I'm going to try to stay very self aware in the next few months.

No. 291924

Hi god, it's me again. At my old job there was a scale in a common area and I would weigh myself every single shift. I wasn't able to once I left because I don't own a scale, stopped calorie counting too, and I was doing so, so well until this. There's other factors like my stomach acting up and food literally being unpalatable right now but bottom line is that I'm relapsing the hardest I ever have. I'm honestly angry at myself. I weighed myself at a friend's house today and found that I lost another more weight since the last time I weighed myself, which I think was a month ago. I don't want to put numbers or even vague amounts, I'm trying hard not to care. Fuck, highschool me would be so excited. I can just see her screaming and jumping up and down to get new, even smaller clothes. My last posts in this thread were from a place of recovery and growth and now look at me. I'm really going to make an effort but I feel like I'm being dragged into a whirlpool.

No. 291929

Been binging for like two weeks now and calling it recovery. I still feel pretty good about it but I know once my clothes stop fitting me I’m gonna freak the fuck out and beat myself up for this.

No. 291954

It's getting harder and harder to convince myself I should stay in recovery. Being skinny is all I have. I'm not interesting, I barely have friends or hobbies, there is nothing I am particularly good at except losing weight. I can be fat and miserable or skinny and miserable.

No. 291957

Those of you who were raised on restrictive diets: how do you bring yourself to eat? What do you like eating? I like the concept of eating, but when it comes to it it's too difficult. When I try to think of something to make my brain comes to a stop and I end up not doing anything. I feel that having been raised as a vegan doesn't fucking help and now it's too hard to stomach anything I'm not used to. I really can't take this.

No. 291978

File: 1664712996308.jpg (68.24 KB, 700x700, sdggf.jpg)

>Develop anorexia in your teens becaus you're scared of becoming an adult
>Now you're in your late 20s, still deep in it, with an underdeveloped body but an old hags face

feels bad

No. 291986

I was able to stop restricting and I've been ok for a year, I guess, but I suddenly have a really easy way to exercise. I feel myself slipping back into the obsession with my body. If I can continue to eat enough every day, but I over exercise, how bad will it be? Does this realm of ana behaviour pose less risk than restriction?

No. 292287

Hate that when growing up poor I was forced to clean every plate. I'd be screaming and crying at the table saying that I don't want to eat more and they would still force me. They took pictures of me, pictures of my plate, to poke fun at me. I got fat as a child and noone cared. Now I'm constantly hungry and cannot force myself into a good relationship with food. It's all on me now that I'm an adult but I can't help but feel spiteful sometimes.

No. 292370

All I can think about is the number. It repeats all day in my head. I am not weighing myself when I go back there, but it's also all I want to do. Even my smallest clothes are loose right now, I love it and I'm disgusted with myself for it. This relapse would be much more exciting if I wasn't self aware about it.
I feel so childish and stupid. If I try to talk about how I'm struggling and say some stupid shit like "I'm going to keep trying though" I just want to kms. Keep trying? To fucking eat? Okay you pathetic bitch. Keep trying to eat you uwu waif. Whatever, mental illness sucks and is embarrassing and that's just how life is at the moment.
You deserve to feel spiteful anon, that was cruel of them. I can't stand adults who would use their kid as the butt of the joke. I'm sorry you're struggling now as an adult yourself.

No. 292460

Thank you anon, lots of love and all the best to you. ♥ I hope you overcome your struggles too.

No. 293598

Fashion week got to me, bad. It sucks because I love fashion and watching all of the different shows but I can't handle seeing the emaciated models right now.

No. 293661

I find it easier to just OMAD dinner but I wish I could eat smaller meals throughout the day to stave off the urge to overeat at night. I also wish I didn't engage in disordered eating patterns yet here we are. I'd like to say I've got my b/p under control but in reality I've just replaced it with c/s so my face is still all puffy and I'm constantly bloated. Can't even weigh myself bc of the bloat weight. I want to eat but I hate feeling food in my stomach.

No. 293801

I don't understand how you guys aren't craving food all the time. When I get depressed (which is often) I just binge on comfort food and now I am genuinely fat.

No. 293869

When I get depressed my appetite just completely disappears. It's worse if I just finished crying because then my throat hurts and the rest of my mouth is extra dry.

No. 294426

Things haven't improved since I posted but I appreciate your support anon ♥ Actually that's not quite true - I haven't weighed myself again.
God same
I used to crave food but after a certain amount of time my stomach just broke I think? I don't get hunger cues very often and when I do I get so nauseous that I don't want to eat anyway. All food is gross to me right now and the only thing I feel genuinely excited to eat is stuff like rice or broth because it's the only thing that doesn't make me feel sick. I want to get off mr bone's wild ride.

No. 294770

Nonnas I fucked myself up good. My hormones are fucked, my thyroid is fucked, my cortisol is 3 times what it should be and I have to see a specialist next week. Still no period after 6 months. Still no weight gain even though I try my hardest to eat enough. I'm tired. I thought I was doing good.
Same with the broth and rice. I get hungry, if I'm not stressed or working I can perceive it but I just don't crave any food. Deciding what to eat is a nightmare, planning meals probably takes me more time than anything else in the day.

No. 294772

I ate some ice cream from the pint and managed to put it back after eating a reasonable amount! Idk it's the little things. Also not b/p every single day. Quitting drinking has helped.

No. 294773


oh thats easy, its because gaining weight makes me 10x more depressed lol. would rather be suicidal and thin than suicidal and fat

No. 294774

This is just jealousy, I'm guessing she's older and bigger than you are.

No. 294776

This is your brain on anorexia. No one normal is jealous of spoops and skellies. Go back to edtwt.

No. 295135

I've been eating like shit and it feels like I've lost all self control. I haven't gained too much weight but I hate the feeling after I eat. I feel fucking huge and bloated and I feel disgusting. I'm just about having a fucking mental breakdown over my face looking fuller this morning. I always look at my lips to gauge my weight because looking at the number drives me insane. When my lips are fuller I know I'm at a lower weight. But now they look smaller and I am freaking the fuck out. I feel fucking disgusting. I feel like a failure. I want to be healthy and I want to eat to fuel my body but I just can't. I eat because I'm bored. I eat because there's nothing else to do. I feel like I'm a failure of a human being. And then I start feeling even more like a failure because what's it all matter anyway. It doesn't. I see heavier women out in public, at work, on the tv and they're all so happy. They will talk about their weight but it's in such a normal way. Maybe they're sad that they haven't stuck to their diet but it doesn't tear them up like it tears me up. I wish I could be comfortable with myself and my weight like them. I'm so fucking scared of gaining weight just thinking about it makes me sick. I feel fucking ugly and horrible. I want to disappear. I wish I could just shrug my shoulders about it but I just fucking can't. I've been this way since I was a fucking kid, and it's not because of my parents or the people at school or anything like that. I think I was just born with a fucked up brain. I don't know how to let it go and get over it. I fucking hate it, I hate eating, I hate how I have no control, I hate how I care in the first place, I hate gaining weight. I fucking hate it all.

No. 295173

Hi nonnas, just venting but also wondering if anyone else has had a similar problem. I had a restrictive eating disorder all through my teens, but I'd consider myself mostly recovered since then. However, food still makes me feel extremely ill during/after eating. I've gotten every test under the sun to figure out if its a physical issue and everything's come back negative. Basically was told that either I'm making it up or its psychological. However where I live there's basically no ED support… all the therapists I've been to have been zero help in this. Plus I've suffered from "gender dysphoria" a lot so therapists just want to push transition to fix my ED. The sickness when eatings been getting worse to the point I just want to stop trying to work through it and restrict again. I've been holding off those thoughts and trying to eat the safest foods possible but it's overwhelming at times.

No. 295174

can i ask where in your body you feel ill after eating?

No. 295176


In my stomach, I can become nauseous to the point I have to sit down for up to an hour until it passes. When I'm stressed or have relapse-like thoughts it can get so bad that I have trouble swallowing food. However I never actually vomit which is why all sorts of tests come back negative for issues (and personally I only had restrictive issues, never purging). I've had my entire digestive system checked out and never got any formal diagnosis. I've also been anemic since my disorder but I'm unsure if it's related. Pretty much the only advice I've been given is to just ignore the feeling since nothing will happen, but it's really hard to fully recover when you know food will just make you feel worse and you have to plan your day and events around the concept of food.

No. 295195

it might really be psychological, but have you tried stuff like taking pre and probiotics? or trying to eat more fermented foods? maybe your gut health isn't good.

No. 295264

If it is psychological that makes your concerns no less real. They should take you seriously in case something is wrong, whether it's physical or not. If you have the money for it, I'd go see another GP or better yet a gastroenterologist.
I have awful stomach problems with the same symptoms you describe + other unpleasant stuff and had to go get scoped and medicated and the whole 9 yards. Idk if it was due to my ED though, it was more likely my alcoholism + overuse of aspirin, maybe general stress. My doctor didn't know about my ED so I wasn't treated with suspicion, plus I acted concerned when I suddenly dropped a ton of weight from being unable to eat when I was secretly elated. Your past shouldn't be used against you when you need real treatment. Sorry this is happening.

No. 295672

I did end up weighing myself again even though I swore to myself I wouldn't and I did lose more weight. I wasn't trying to one way or another and in fact I felt like I was overeating, plus I'm on my period and I always gain about 3-5 lbs during that so it's likely I lost more than I thought. I think it's been about two months since I posted here saying that I thought I might be relapsing and yeah here I am. I've lost about twenty pounds since then despite trying to stay mindful of everything and not fall into old patterns. I don't really know what to do about it, it doesn't feel scary out of control and I'm not fixated on it so it feels like it's not a huge deal. Just something happening in the background.

No. 296848

In one of the worst binge cycles I’ve ever had since “kicking my binge eating habit.” JFC I wish I could stop and just eat “like a normal person.” So glad that I have the house to myself so no one has to see how much of a fucking monster I can be. Can any binging nonnies commiserate I feel so alone

No. 296855

>I wish I could stop and just eat “like a normal person.”
You have noooo idea the amount of times I've thought that to myself. Have you read Intuitive Eating? Not trying to shill the method itself (I didn't really adopt it myself) but if you feel alone it might help - I read it and realized every single aspect of my binging is fucking textbook and many people have the exact same issue.

No. 296861

Tbh I haven’t, I’ve always kind of written it off for various reasons but maybe I’ll give it a try

No. 296867

I feel like I have the weirdest weight regulation in the world. I'll go from fairly thin nearing at 110 lbs at 5'4 but eating normally to weighing 130+ lbs and not changing much. I have very skinny legs and a torso that's more average and that's where I gain my weight its my torso and breasts. The only thing I've noticed that helps keep my weight down is going to bed earlier, taking laxatives (xylitol cleans me out), and taking more brisk walks. Anyone else have a weird body that randomly gets fatter and thinner despite eating around the same amount?

No. 296873

This is literally how I recovered. I was so sick and tired of the cycle of starving and binging that I decided to just eat like a normal person. 3 meals a day, never skip a meal, never let myself become so ravenous that I go into binge-mode. Just pretend I am a normal person. 3 years later and I am still recovered. It gets easier the longer you do it and one day you realize you are now a normal person.

No. 296936

How do you find motivation to recover when you don't have anything to live for? It all seems pointless.

No. 296952

It'll be okay anon, you're not alone. I understand how you feel.

No. 297263

Does anyone suffer from stress induced periods of loss of appetite? I'm not sure it's the right term, google suggests anorexia but I'm not an ana-chan; I have normal BMI and want to keep it that way, just every now and then when I get overwhelmed with negative feelings and stress I'm unable to eat properly, the very thought of having a meal makes me want to vomit, it can last for a few weeks.
What I'm looking for is maybe some kind of advice if some other nonna has the same struggle - what could be a good ways to sneakily provide the body with bare minimum nutrition? I'm can make myself drink a light smoothie but that definitely doesn't solve the problem with lack of iron or proper proteins for example…

No. 297268

I’m having the same problem! What helps me is to have food at home that is easily prepared and doesn’t have a strong taste and is easy to eat. Like outs, cereals , bananas, nuts, bread with butter, pasta with olive oil etc.

No. 297296

Nuts are a great idea, somehow I completely forgot they exist, will have to stock up! I feel a bit of a relief to see I'm not alone with this issue here

No. 297359

Yes? How have you never heard of people complaining about not having an appetite when depressed or stressed? Anyway, that's not amorexia in any way shape or form.

No. 298545

At first my plan was to gain a bit of weight after having to deal with the side effects of being underweight. I started smoking a lot of weed. The weed made me a binge eater. I ended up gaining around ten pounds. The sad part is that I am definitely not as mentally over it as I thought. I know that objectively I do not look all that different but I hate the feeling of the weight gain. I personally hate how I look. I thought I was strong enough to withstand it but I'm not. I'm gonna stop smoking weed and try to restrict my eating (but not COMPLETELY I'm in this grey zone where I know eating is important but I also need to be thin) to barebones very minimal 3 meals a day. I'm trying to not lose the weight by starving because I fucking hated what happened when I did that the last time. I want to keep my hair so I guess I'll just do the simple 3 meals a day and no weed and use vitamins as well. I hate this. I hate the way I look. I'm starting to wear really thick eyeliner again which is how I know I'm struggling with my self-image. I want to maintain my weight at like 116-118. That's not even my ideal range but it's the range I think I can maintain in a healthy way. I want to be thin but I know the dangers of falling back into that hole. Wish me luck anons.

No. 298574

Am I supposed to overeat in recovery? I've been doing intuitive eating, 3 meals a day with 2 snacks and dessert. Eating when I'm hungry, stopping when I'm full but keeping a strict routine to ensure I eat enough etc. basically all stuff that is recommended. However, I haven't gained any weight at all after like 3 months. My hair is falling out and I'm still underweight. I don't cook diet food or avoid anything other than processed sugar and salty snacks because they make me feel awful and exacerbate my digestive issues. I feel like I eat a lot, I'm never truly hungry anymore. Eating this much makes me bloated and sluggish all day and even my family says my portions look normal so it's not like I'm delusional. I tried to eat bigger portions this week but I just feel like shit, my stomach is acting up, I'm nauseous and look 4 months pregnant after lunch. I don't know what to do anymore. I HATE stuffing myself with food but is that the only way? I don't even exercise.

No. 298951

File: 1668281611640.jpg (54.7 KB, 500x490, EbGNEJRX0A0G_Cg.jpg)

I'll hype myself up that I can eat a little bit more, that I'm not only allowed to gain wight but NEED to - but when I actually do allow myself to add something, I'll immediately regret it, feel like shit, obsess over it for the rest of the day and restrict even more to 'fix' it. Doesn't help that I have OCD with a lot of magical thinking, so I'm always making insane connections between events (like, I'll allow myself to add honey into my tea > my internet cuts off that day for a couple of hours for no apparent reason > I'm being punished for having honey in my tea ) This is so fucking exhausting

No. 298974

Does anyone here have ARFID? I've lived basically all my life with it, my safe foods are minimal but keep me going, but I don't gain weight unfortunately. I'm just a bit underweight, I've tried protein shakes which were very thick so it put me off & the chocolate flavour I would buy tasted odd. Most of the foods I eat are sweets/chocolate but I like very plain foods like bread & spaghetti, my friends say I have the pallet of a baby based of things they've made me try kek, my metabolism is quite high too and with how rarely/little I eat it makes it hard to gain anything

No. 299064

I woulnd't say you have to overeat in recovery. Personally I had such an unquenchable hunger that I could be eating all day and be physically full to the brim but still have that hunger feeling in my body and head. If you're eating enough cals and macros I don't think there would be any problem. Your body needs to sort itself out after stuff like this and it can take a while

No. 299597

I wish it wasn't so easy to just not eat. I never have an appetite and my stomach hurts all the time and honestly it kinda makes me miss when I was 12/13 and food felt rewarding to eat even after long periods of restriction. I have no energy for anything and definitely not to cook anything. The only thing that appeals to me right now is broth, broth and rice. Anything that has too strong a flavor or challenging of a texture is out. I'm so tired all the time. I took a long walk today and felt like a wind up toy winding down towards the end. Kept having to stop and rest.
Still staying off the scale. Trying to control this spiral as much as I can. But my pants are fitting looser and looser and it's making me sad. I only bought them two months ago. Does anyone have any recommendations or tips? I feel a little trapped. It's been going on like this since summer and I can see no way out. I thought it would ease up eventually but it's only getting worse.

No. 299599

Some things that helped me: make eating a routine and internalize that it doesn't need to be satisfying, comfortable or feel good. Plenty of 'normal' people eat what they don't like or want to eat and it's not this huge obstacle in their daily life. You just need to eat to fuel your body. Set times to eat and stick to them, even if you eat half a cup of broth and a few spoonfuls of rice. Simply eat something. If you can't figure it out on your own, try a meal plan from google. If you think that you can't handle branching out, stick to broth and rice for a week or two but give yourself some challenges so you feel productive. You're strong enough, if you managed to fight your body for this long ik you can handle eating something different. Eggs are easy to cook. Pasta too. Polenta is quick and you can top it with whatever too.

No. 299605

No. 299955

I wear the smallest size I can find, being short and skinny, and my waist still isn't that small. Where would my organs even go.

No. 300027

I was obese my entire life and about a year ago I started restricting after a man pointed out every flaw on my body. Now I look like a melted candle and I can't stop starving myself because I'm convinced the skin is fat, even though I know it isn't. It's kinda funny in a sad way that no matter what I do I will always hate my body and I can't stop punishing it. I look like complete shit and feel like it too. I wish I could have been normal or just stayed fat.

No. 300266

File: 1668955584589.jpg (7.24 KB, 179x281, images.jpg)

No matter how much weight I lose my body will always be shaped like a rectangle

No. 300290

Just west corsets

No. 300294

nta, but sometimes that's just how bodies are. I wear plus-sized bras/tops. You might think I'm fat or well endowed or something. Actually I'm not; I'm a pant size 3, and flat. Some people are just shaped like this.

No. 300299

Yea there are lots of women who are skinny and brick-chans. If you are fine with it then there’s nothing wrong with it. However if it really bothers you like it obviously bothers that nona, then you can always wear corsets and other shapewear. Women in the old days did it all the time.

No. 300301

I wish I were a rectangle.

No. 300303

File: 1668967269088.jpg (Spoiler Image,31.43 KB, 302x450, MV5BMTczODc1OTk2MV5BMl5BanBnXk…)

Sorry for the sperg but I wanted to add some positivity to the thread: I'm obssessed with Linda Evans and she's got the most gorgeous rectangle/inverted traingle body type (I don't know wich type she is exactly). She used to star in Dynasty (an 80s soapopera) and all the outfits she wore emphasized her beautiful figure. She wore a lot of shoulder pads and amazing evening gowns that made her look tall and elegant. I think I'm so in love by these types of silouettes because in the 80s the rectangle and inverted triangle shapes were more favoured by fashion. I hope you feel better about yourselves, nonas, rectangles and inverted triangles are cool.

No. 300306

aw man this is making me wanna watch the original dynasty. ot but in the remake every woman is constantly caked in makeup with her boobs showing

No. 300308

File: 1668968588721.jpg (88.36 KB, 1014x570, DYNASTY3-1014x570.jpg)

Oh you definitely should give it a try, the aesthetic is totally worth it. Now I'll stop derailing

No. 300309

She’s just a normal woman with slightly overly broad shoulders tho. Her boobs are big and her waist is smaller than her hips. So she still looks womanly. If you are flat and rectangular like me you just end up looking like a troon, sigh.

No. 300331

I'm super bottom heavy and several points underweight. My torso has no fat to keep me warm and protect my organs so im constantly sick and freezing, and my back and shoulders are bony in a way that makes people uncomfortable. but my hips and legs look like they belong to a different person and every time i try to lose more to fix them it is STILL just coming off my back and then i start to get cognitive symptoms. I dont understand why my body wants to eat my brain before it will take a half inch off of my inner thighs and i want to get lipo on my legs and hips so i can gain weight in my upper half and have better health

No. 300382

File: 1669012316766.png (163.05 KB, 445x465, 1545838286350.png)

ive become obsessed with popsicles. i never do not want to munch on an ice pop. since i got sick i cant stop eating popsicles. i dont want real food as much anymore. since theyre juice i can eat my heart out and not feel bad. popsicles

No. 300387

Do you have Lipodema or Lymphodema maybe?

No. 300388

I was binge eating for the past three or four days but I caught COVID and am enjoying the lack of appetite. Wasting illness diet rocks

No. 300412

File: 1669049972248.jpg (83.8 KB, 640x635, 3239817917.jpg)

My ex swiped up on a gym mirror pic to say I look "healthier" and "not worryingly small anymore", we're still friends and I know he meant it in a positive way but all I can hear is "you let yourself go and got fat". I didn't even recover or anything, I just got lazy with purging.

No. 300417

I don’t think you’re friends. He knew it would make you tick. Fuck him, start lifting.

No. 300659

>be chubby as a kid and notice how much skinny girls were praised
>Get skinny and spend entire teenhood being skinny with small breasts noticing how much attention chubby girls with large breasts got (I lived in the south before anons cry "skinny is ideal)
>Gain weight via pregnancy and move up north, I have the ideal "thicc" body that would have been my ideal as a teen
>Now notice how many men chase skinny women with small breasts and hate myself
Does this cycle ever end?

No. 300684

I've been getting back into lifting since I came home for thanksgiving, I actually went to the gym with my ex yesterday and it was really nice, we hit legs and some other stuff together, he's a lot taller than me and somewhat muscular so it always makes me happy to see how small I look standing next to him since my thigh is the size of his bicep.

He wants me to recover and be healthy and happy and we talk all the time but he doesn't want to get back together until I graduate college because he knows the distance would strain things. We still hang out when we can but he won't ever have sex with me since before the breakup. I've tried to find a new bf, but guys always pull away when I start to like them back. I feel fat and bloated and massive and repulsive and unlovable. I've been doing better but all I want is to b/p until I forget about everything.

No. 300688

Why does your ideal body type have to depend on what other people like/what's trendy at the moment? In my case I couldn't care less if the current fashion is being generally thic or just having big breats and a big ass with stick limbs. I will always prefer plain skinny. Don't give a shit about what's ''in''. I want to be thinner.

No. 300742

I don't think so thankfully. Just pear problems and BDD.

No. 300799

I just realised I b/p as a response to stress. Hate that it’s taken me this long to see it and ofc just as I’m stuffing my face atm, but at least I have a good point to start managing it from now. Unfortunately I wanted to work on projects tonight but I guess I’m stuck keeling over a plastic bag.

No. 300801

i’m pretty much recovered in that i stopped purging and abusing laxatives but the reason i stopped was not because of anything positive but because i realised no amount of weight loss will change my actual frame. this is really horrible but sometimes i look at my mother and think about how she gave me this ugly body and how it’s just going to keep getting uglier and uglier and i feel great resentment. im a depreciating asset, my skin is already a bit loose from years of gaining and losing profound amounts of fat, my teeth are fucked from purging. it’s just so depressing that my attempts to be beautiful ended like this. it really contributes to my suicidal thinking and it’s so pathetic

No. 301956

I managed not to BP at all on vacation and relapsed less than 24 hours back home. Now I want to kill myself again. It feels like i’ll never be able to dig myself out of this hole. Binging and purging is all i can fucking think about. It’s fucking hell on earth.

No. 301982

I feel you anon. All you can do is get back at it tomorrow but i know it feels impossible at times. well done for the break though, if you can do it once, you can do it again.

No. 301988

Have you tried not existing for men

No. 302063

Thank you so much nonnie. I really needed that. I noticed I tend to BP the most when I feel stressed out and “trapped”, so at least something good came from this fuckup…

No. 302066

Yeah but only if you grow a spine

No. 302072

Do you know what thread you're in?

No. 302094

NTA but I was under the impression the main trigger for EDs was trauma, not seeking male validation.

No. 302252

File: 1670161995758.jpeg (223.04 KB, 1920x1920, iKope3u.jpeg)

Not sure I should be happy or upset that my bf hasn't noticed my relapse at all even tho we live together. We order out every sunday and I didn't order any food today cause I feel like shit about myself and he hasn't noticed that I wasn't eating anything while he was munching on his pizza. He also didn't notice that I didn't eat any dinner last night and put it as leftovers in the fridge. I was trying to hide it from him until now, but I guess I should be happy that I can just do whatever the fuck I want without anyone bothering me as if I was living alone. Kinda hurts how invisible I am to him. Another reason to lose weight again.

No. 302274

Nona I feel you. When I first developed anorexia I went to such silly lengths to hide my not-eating from my parents, until I realized they literally didn't give a shit. At the time I thought they just didn't notice, but now years later my mom sometimes mentions 'that (period of) time you ate like a mouse'. So they did notice, they just didn't care, I guess. I'm not saying this is the case with your bf, maybe he really is just oblivious as men tend to be, but I can relate to how you feel.

No. 302304

File: 1670184024866.png (17.85 KB, 223x223, 1643833977335.png)

Thank you nonna. He knows my history and how bad my eating disorder was and he helped me get through it back then, I am recovered for like 3 years now, I think he would care if he knew but he literally just doesn't notice me anymore which is kinda sad. He's always focused on his computer either working or playing vidya and I could probably run around naked in the same room and he wouldn't look at me once. I could buzz off all my hair tomorrow and it would probably take him a day or two to even notice that. It sucks, I feel like I have lost all novelty and am now just invisible and that just makes me want to starve myself even more cause I want him to look at me again and find me beautiful.

No. 302318

Moids need at least 3 days to realize something is off, if they realize it at all.
People will only notice it once you look like a concentration camp survivor.

No. 302323

Most people genuinely don't care about you enough to notice. At least in my case because my parents were emotionally absent anyway. Especially if you don't look "sick enough". Very fucked up because it just encourages you to restrict harder if no one notices you lost a significant amount of weight.

No. 302419

Other people don't notice until they can see the physical effects. Besides, it's normal not to count your partners every bite. If you are struggling tell him, if he doesn't care leave him. Don't expect a moid to read your mind, COMMUNICATE with your partner.

No. 302443

You really think women who live for male validation usually don't do so as a result of trauma? Some spoiled little rich girl with a perfect life isn't going to just get an eating disorder just to impress boys kek, even if that was remotely true, nowhere in the thread is anyone gatekeeping eating disorders

No. 302458

I hope this doesn’t come across as harsh - it’s not my intent, I’m trying to speak plainly. It sounds like your boyfriends lack of attention is triggering you a lot right now so you really need to address that with him. Starving yourself won’t make him start giving you what you need.

No. 302625

>You really think women who live for male validation usually don't do so as a result of trauma?
Ntayrt but I would reply 'no' to your question. A lot of pickmes don't hold any traumatic experience and they seek male validation like oxygen, and viceversa, women with ed's don't necessarily place male validation in the root of their disorder. But that's just my opinion and I didn't come here to judge.

No. 302684

>Some spoiled little rich girl with a perfect life isn't going to just get an eating disorder just to impress boys kek
They do. Rich girls make the best anorexics since they don't have shit else to obsess about except vanity. Poorfag only wants to emulate them with their clean girl miu miu moodboards.If you look at any of the 100000 "reasons to get skinny" lists, most of them are about getting the guy, smol gf fantasy, being the "hot friend" of the group, and maybe some act of childish defiance against their parents.

No. 302735

Ok and children from twitter who need pinterest boards for motivation to not eat dinner once a week are wanarexics and don't actually have the disorder so you are just proving my point.

No. 302938

How do farmers 25+ deal with their triggers? I’m home for Christmas and I can’t deal with my family denying my diagnosis. I’m finding it hard to find a recovery community that’s based on planet earth and age appropriate and it’s honestly a loser move to even have an ED at this age. Any advice from older women welcome — I’m too fucking old to be relapsing like a teenager.

No. 303032

on one hand i feel bad for her on the other hand she is extremely based for avoiding the idiotic ills of teenagehood. it's smart, why concern yourself with teen drama and prom and gross teen sex and drug use. then again i'm an adult shut in who also spent my teenage years never going out, stayed at home starving myself and never grew out of it so maybe i am projecting.

at least be glad she isn't watching whatever disgusting shows are popular with teens now. they all promote early sex, early drug use, and tranny shit.

No. 303034

anorexia nervosa is the mental illness, anorexia is a term that describes loss of appetite and is separate from AN. like an elderly person in the hospital can have anorexia but they are not mentally ill because they aren't making themselves not eat. "nervosa" = nervous/anxiety, mental illness etc

No. 303153

Due to the context of the thread it's kinda obvious which anorexia I was refering to.

No. 303179

and the anon you were replying to (who i also replied to) doesn't seem to know the distinction and that's clearly what her google searches were telling her, and you ignored the distinction

No. 303569

I've been kind of depressed this week and it's definitely showing in my eating habits. I'm trying to recover and gain weight but I'm so afraid of over eating. I used to be a big emotional eater and used food to cope before it turned ana so along with messed up hunger cues and hormones I have no idea if my hunger is real. I want to recover from ana and get healthy but I don't want to trigger emotional eating again. How the fuck am I supposed to do this simultaneously???

No. 303574

Step one is to stop thinking about it as emotional eating. You are malnourished and are eating to survive. You body is literally in distress, even if you're eating "a lot" you're just satisfying what you deprived your body of for an extended period of time. It is hard to think of it like this, but it's vital. Your hunger is real, and denying it will just make your body cause you to feel hungrier and hungrier because you need food! This will just lead to a binge restrict cycle if you ignore your hunger now.

No. 303580

The thing is, I did legitimately have an issue with stress/emotional eating or whatever you want to call it. I was overweight for a large portion of my life because of it. I'd eat to self soothe and feel something. I don't want to fall into that again, I want to have a healthy relationship with food for once in my life. I am uw and I understand I need to gain and I am as fine with it as I can be right now, but I want to do it the right way, I don't want to end up reinforcing bad habits once again and go into another ed cycle.

No. 303585

Ayrt, I was also morbidly obese for my whole life before getting an ed. I understand the fear of becoming the same thing again. Have you set a time schedule for when you're going to eat? I followed a schedule for a while until I got used to controlling my binge urges on my own. I was the type that would binge if I ate anything at all, so I just didn't do it. I never really felt "hunger" and just wanted to taste food, so I guess it's kind of like emotional eating in the sense that I couldn't tell what was real hunger or just binge urges. Giving your body set intervals and eating a high enough number of cals will Kickstart you into feeling real hunger, like that type where your stomach growls. It may just be me, but when I wanted to binge I would never feel a growling stomach, it was entirely mental.

No. 304768

File: 1671454658376.jpeg (202.43 KB, 749x932, 17CAD4E6-205F-4B2A-9D84-B00F92…)

After years of not restricting, I’m back to my bullshit. I want to reach my LW again cause I don’t like what I’m seeing in the mirror and how I feel (especially in the stomach area) I’m 25 so it’s kinda depressing to relapse at this age but oh well.

No. 304848

ive relapsed with restriction but i havent lost any substantial weight. maybe a pound or two. it makes me feel like so disconnected from my body

No. 304854

File: 1671485285738.jpg (17.88 KB, 445x391, IMG_20221219_092049.jpg)

i have long fallen out of my "honeymoon" phase of my ED, and my consistent purging has definitely caught up to me. I get heartburn so easily. The few times I eat a normal meal, I start feeling nauseous and end up vomiting for relief. My teeth feel so sensitive, if I eat something that is a little too sweet it starts hurting my teeth.
I feel trapped now.

No. 304856

Purging is really bad, nonna. Fuck, I hate it being referred as such so it sounds less bad than puking. I know EDs are very hard to deal with and it would make no sense to just tell you to seek help right away, but I really wanna stress that at least dealing with the vomit part is the priority as you're literally giving yourself permanent damage with it.

No. 304878

>that pic

Fucking cringe honestly. Fuck off

No. 304882

are you okay anon

No. 304884

File: 1671497553695.jpg (19.33 KB, 478x467, photo_2019-05-08_15-45-12.jpg)

ntayrt but i see where she's coming from, its definitely the kind of softcore "aesthetic" thinspo an ed can feed on. in a way its almost worse than the more intense thinspo because the woman seems so stylish and "perfect". but i know she didnt mean to hurt anyone with posting it, she might not even realize especially if she's relapsing that it could be harmful

i dont have experience with purging but do you think you could try to eat something small at least every three hours or so? enough so that you dont end up vomiting but still have something in your stomach. i get the trapped feeling, it feels so bad to be stuck in a behavior yet having the feeling that you've backed yourself into a corner with it.

No. 304964

nta but the picture is annoying because anyone who has dealt with anorexia for longer periods of time knows the reality is far, far different and more disgusting than the insta model drinking coffee and smoking aesthetic. It's insulting. Like reducing depression to an image of a young pretty woman crying.

No. 304976

Why do most wannorexic women think they're skinnier than they actually are? I've seen them mock thin/average women for their weight even though they looked worse and much fatter themselves.

No. 305001

I hate Christmas

No. 305034

same im spending christmas eve alone bping

No. 305206

File: 1672092629887.jpeg (20.05 KB, 320x320, bunbunbunny.jpeg)

is it possible to be in an environment that makes recovery impossible?
i live with my family and they spend hours a day making food in the kitchen and often leave raw meat and animal fat around or uncovered in the fridge. they hardly ever clean out the fridge so i often have to dig through and throw out moldy food. my mom will refuse to throw out moldy vegetables. there's often a sticky residue around the kitchen and my whole family follows diets. the one thing that helps is they let me have my own section in the fridge. i asked for this because otherwise they'll eat all the "bad foods" i buy.
i keep trying to recover but failing. i am repulsed often by our kitchen and my family's comically low standards of hygiene. i can barely trust their food as they often cook with utensils that fell on the floor or with moldy vegetables. today i cried to my mother about relapse and she said she hadn't even noticed i had relapsed despite me telling her multiple times i was struggling and had relapsed.
i feel totally trapped. i cant just move out because ive always lived with them and housing prices here are insane.

No. 305247

does anyone else here struggle with constant intense bloating and nausea when recovering (binging/purging subtype)? does it ever end/ get better? i feel like im on the third trimester of pregnancy, i also feel like ive been gaining weight but restriction is near impossible rn, i cant even stick to 1200 a day , and whenever i eat its really a fight to keep it down but i'm simultaneously hungry, wasn't i made for more than just crying over food and my body all the time?
im sorry nonnie, that sounds like a truly horrible enviroment for recovery, is there any way you can get a minifridge in your room or eat in your car, or maybe get lunch/dinner with friends? i don't know what your family is like but is ther anyway you could get them to keep the kitchen a bit more cleanly, even if just for their own health? i would personally start saving up for a small apartment, i think it would do alot of good for your wellbeing

No. 305266

If I had to guess, it's probably because their diet puts them under a lot of stress. They 'pull' other people into their disorders as a way of putting their pain onto others to cope. I would also imagine the intensely stereotypical 'pretty princess plates' of, like, cucumber slices just leads to binging.
I'm also moody and feel like a wannarexic because I'm bony but not emaciated. I don't like thinking about my body anymore though. Comparing myself to others makes me sad and I don't like when others comment either. Eating, especially this time of year, is difficult but not impossible.

No. 305383

Feeling miserable so I succumbed to a sweets binge. Had 2 cups of milk, 6 cookies, 3rd of a chocolate rice bar, 3rd of an almond orange chocolate bar, 2 brownies and a slice of a walnut roll. Feeling even more miserable now.

No. 310585

I feel like my therapist isn't taking my relapse seriously because I'm not a spoop anymore

In particular I've been mulling over something fairly minor she said in our last session- I was complaining about some shit and mentioned how I dislike how gaunt my face looks and she said, paraphrased, "Oh you don't look that bad, i've had anorexic patients whose faces looked completely skull-like" realistically I think she was trying to be encouraging but just worded it poorly, maybe? But my stupid fucked brain just keeps using that to reinforce my thought that I have no need to "recover" because I could be, and have been, worse.

No. 310734

I'm struggling but not struggling but struggling. You know? I weighed myself again, shouldn't have, dropped more and now I'm fixated on it. I should be excited but mostly I'm annoyed with myself. I know I'm just gonna keep scraping by and hoping nobody will notice if I just go slow enough.

No. 310803

I am 100% sure she was trying to reassure you and wanted to convey you look nice. Her wording is just awful and as a therapist she should really know better. You deserve recovery, imagine if you applied that logic to anything else.
Don't do it, don't go down that road, you know better nonnie.

No. 310804

Those of you who weight restored fully or partially, when did your period come back? I'm not sure of my weight/bmi but I have gained and eat a pretty normal, diverse diet. But after 4 months of this, a round of hormones and even thyroid treatment my period is still missing.

No. 310831

mine came back 8 or 9 months after i began eating normally again

No. 310915

Damn, that long? I have a gy appointment coming in soon because they're concerned about it, however they don't know about the ED. I'm not sure what to do next. Wait and see? Gain more? But eating in a surplus is so exhausting, mentally and physically.

No. 310920

nta but if you are back at normal bmi and eat a healthy diet i'd just wait, let everything heal and balance out instead of freaking out about having to gain more. stress won't help with anything.

No. 310921

For me it took 5 years, but there might've been psychological stuff interfering. Admittedly I didn't do much about it, apart from going to the gynecologist once, she prescribed me progesterone pills but they did nothing so I just shrugged it off and two years after that my period just appeared out of nowhere.

No. 311030

mine came back after around 5 6 months? because i lost weight slowly and was skinny to start with, i lost my period relatively later than other patients. idk if your situation is similar but maybe like me, you can re-gain your period at a higher weight than you lost it. (for reference, i got my period back around 1 bmi point higher than when i lost it).

No. 311059

My situation was the opposite, and my period became weird even before becoming uw but I appreciate the answer still. I'll just keep waiting.

Unrelated, but does anyone look at photos from their lowest point and cringe? I just feel embarassed knowing I walked around like that and acted like everything was normal. The weirdest thing is I got a lot of attention from normie men, even though I looked like skeletor.

No. 311429

I've noticed I've lost weight again, especially because I'm not sedentary anymore, and all I can think about is that I've been passively restricting. I'm so disappointed nonitas

No. 312071

drunkorexia is hell

No. 312073

i can't even look at photos of myself from then kek i looked awful. it was even worse when i never went outside so my skin was pretty much corpse colour cuz i had awful blood circulation. the weirdest part is that nobody ever confronted me about the fact that i went from normal chubby kid to skeletor in a couple months. i still have body dysmorphia but i thank god i don't look as eugenia cooney-esque anymore.

No. 312094

I’m severely anemic, malnourished and UW and my period still hasn’t stopped. My body is a fucking pickme dumbass, it wants me to continue trying to have babies even when I’m ill.

No. 312126

I'm finding it really hard to eat nowadays. I don't want to look at food. All I'm really eating right now is cereal, instant noodles, protein shakes, and sometimes rice. It's like I can feel the disconnect in my brain but I don't know what to do.

No. 312149

Ayrt, I had the same experience. No one said anything, but when I went from chubby to fit I got a whole slew of concerned comments. People see the crazy and don't want to engage. Good on you for getting better nonnie!
Well at least you know your hormones aren't fucked. It's also good for your hair, skin and nails.

No. 312161

I let myself get to a BMI of 24 and it bothers me so much. It was mostly because of wine drinking and stress eating during my very shitty year of 2022 and high stress job. It's been one week and the scale hasn't changed yet despite my efforts this month. I have done this a thousand times, I know what I'm doing.
I haven't been in full blown ED in a long time though and the last time I was actually underweight was around 2017 and prior… but I had been maintaining at around BMI 18 or 19 without restriction and craziness and was very happy with it considering my past. My main problem with this is how it consumes my entire life and waking thoughts and it seems like I can't lose weight when I gain without getting obsessed and paranoid

No. 312162

Ntayrt but periods make my skin worse ime, getting random acne everywhere before it starts

No. 313584

Does anyone else feel like their ED is a mix of self harm but also some vain/body image aspects?
One hand my ED was just another bad coping mechanism, a way to feel in control and "accomplished" since my life is lacking. It was another avenue of self harm and in that regard it had nothing to do with body image. I never even weighed myself. But on the other, I find that now that I'm recovering I'm clinging to being skinny more than ever. And I keep looking at runway models and comparing my lw body to theirs and wishing I could be healthy while underweight like them. Even though I looked terrible, even though how my body looks has no impact on my daily life, I can't let go of it and I wish I was smaller. Does this make sense?

No. 313593

Yes, I feel exactly the same way. My relapses have always been triggered by a traumatic event, but fueled by my desire to look a certain way. Whenever I consider stopping, I just look at my body and think, "no way." I used to be able to tell myself that life is not any better with a thigh gap, and on some level I still know that's true, but it's no longer enough to stop me. It's vain but I don't care at all.

No. 313594

100%. After a while you realise it’s really all a cycle, the need for control and punishment. even after hitting the supposed dream gw you’re still the same person in the same circumstances nothing fundamentally changes, and that frustration/disappointment ends up feeling for more ways to self harm. That’s why most, if not all of us relapse when experiencing a new low in life (me rn relapsing after recovery for 2 years)

No. 313597

yeah same , I feel like I relapse when someone gets mad at me, so I feel like I should just punish myself. Sometimes it's a rebellious act, but also I still think it has something to do with my body image.

No. 313611

File: 1676912860196.jpeg (74.28 KB, 750x510, B8740CF8-06F2-40DC-ADC7-C9051E…)

nonnas, im so tired of being sick. I’ve been binge eating for almost 4 months now. I’ve gained 10 pounds. I know that isn’t a lot but it’s been destroying my self esteem. The only reason I haven’t gained more is because I’ve been over exercising to the point of almost passing out. I’ve relapsed cutting, im the most depressed I’ve been in a long time. I don’t want to suffer like this anymore. I’m trying to start therapy through my university but the process is so slow. The earliest screening appointment I could get is still 2 weeks away. How do I stop myself from binging and self harming? I don’t know what to do…

No. 313614

I want to be literally perfect and then it would feel right to live life the way I want to. I know my body will never look right. It only gets worse as you get older as you notice how fat doesn't hold as it used to, skin sags along as it ages, and the life in your eyes disappears. I eat every time I have a anorexic temptation because everybody and everything can be a trigger. People in my life care about me, so I try to not actively kill myself on a daily basis. I'm not anywhere close to overweight, and not anywhere close to being underweight. I'm in the cursed spot of having a healthy body weight. There's nothing exceptional about being average I guess. I'm stuck in the part of the cycle of recovery for years now, but my brain is addicted to making me feel bad for existing as I am. It's always you can be skinnier, but why? What's the point anymore? My face looks awfully gaunt underweight, but my body looks proportional. It's a predicament because I make myself ugly, but at least my body looks good. It's not a good trade off. I wish I could be something im not so that I don't have the intelligence to feel anything beyond the need to survive. Turn me into a shellfish so I don't have to prove to this imaginary feeling that I deserve and have the right to live as I am.

No. 313847

>nooooooooooo nona that's not real recovery! real recovery means facing your fears and surrounding yourself with b/p triggers!

I've already tried that and it was the most self-delusional "recovery" I've done. Does anyone else relate, or am I just "hanging on to the disorder?"

No. 313864


I listened to a few episodes of Brain over Binge podcast recently and their take on it is that binges are caused by the urge to binge. When you get a thought or feeling to binge, if you can ignore it and not act on it you will not binge. I'm in a habit of binging because I've been giving into the urges for years but all I need to do to break the habit is say 'no' when my brain pops up a 'you should binge' thought.

I'm sorry I can't help you about the self harming but I hope I helped a little bit.

No. 314031

Feel so disgusting. Reached a weight I was comfortable at then binged it all back. Can't even get help for my binging the ed treatment where I live is trash (at least it exists I guess?)

No. 314643

I hate being recovered physically but not mentally.

No. 314830

I hate that the majority of anorexics- or at least the way it's portrayed in the media- are overachievers who get perfect grades and are pretty and popular and do ballet or figure skating or something like that. I can't even fucking function much less be good at anything.

No. 314837

After years of being disgustingly skinny over the course of this year, I finally gained weight and became happy with my body but this random ugly guy who was hitting on me against my wishes kept asking me why I was gaining weight and that he'd need to beat me up if I continued(???). I blocked him and won't talk to him again but it's genuinely gotten me so mad. He's anorexic himself and his body is so thin I got nauseous whenever I saw his skinny legs in his ill fitted jeans. Ew.

No. 314841

>asking me why I was gaining weight
>that he'd need to beat me up if I continued
He's been stalking you anon. You've to check your soicals and make them more private

No. 315066

im 3 weeks into a binge cycle and i feel absolutely grotesque, easily shoveling up to 5000 calories a day. i am actually lamenting the most mentally distressing period of my life because i was bmi 16. when i binge it is an out of body experience. im 25 years old wtf is wrong with me

No. 316404

File: 1678540468730.jpeg (35.43 KB, 363x349, 31718762-391E-4658-ADB4-44AB16…)

My period made me ravenous. I overate two days in a row and I'm so scared I've gained weight. Even though I know it's only maybe half a pound, I feel like the fattest person in the world. I'm so shocked and disgusted with myself. I ate like 5 meals/snacks on both days.

No. 316412

Wine maintains me in a normal weight when I wasn't restricting too much since I'd eat normal and have a few glasses at night when I wasn't too stressed but now I have no appetite or don't feel like eating much during the day but I drink like 2, 3 times a week tops 500kcal of wine or 300 of vodka usually going without food for 16-18 hours or so while I drink then go to sleep, wake up .. I have been dealing with restrcitive ED cycles for 12 years I have been unable to fully recover and I don't even care about my apperance, I don't even have mirrors to check myself or take pictures, I just care about numbers, how food feels and cataloguing my intake. I'm addicted to it and it brings me peace when it doesn't bring extreme anxiety, which is rare, only when I did binge in the past it made me very anxious but after so many years I have learned one thing or two about harm reduction and preventing binges after huge loss

No. 316414

I think focusing hard on something helps restricting at least for me it does. I don't give a shit about my job but I focus hard and it's very fast paced so it's very easy to not eat. I think the stereotype makes sense given my observations… but of course it can be very hard to actually do things sometimes when you feel so weak and shitty depending on what stage of sickness you're on and how it's affecting you and if there are other mental illness involved

No. 316448

I'm in recovery and gained 11 pounds in 5 months and I know I should be proud but this is the heaviest I have been in years and I want kill myself. My mom doesn't know about my ed and made me weigh myself and I just had to stand there smile and act normal. I don't want to relapse and I don't want to go back to ed hell but I feel like I have to in order to stop gaining. I can't take this

No. 316457

After recovery assisted by an outpatient program I completely stopped monitoring what I ate. Slowly I gained since my habits weren't the best. I tipped into technically overweight and thought, whelp shit, I don't wanna get diabetes like my relatives so I guess I better do something about this even though I was trying to eat intuitively or whatever. It was hard to figure out what was ED-brain and what was just a reasonable diet so I just followed the most milktoast health advice like eating proteins and vegetables, limiting alcohol to lose weight instead of food, and finding a physical activity I could do every day enjoyably. In about 2.5 years I felt like a different person haha, all that advice really worked, literally healthier than ever. Pretty much have just been maintaining that and kicking myself for the disordered shit I did that didn't make me feel half this good.
It was a slog at first, I had to rewire my brain into the healthy habits and completely change the way I cook, and it was hard not to "cut corners" to reach a healthy weight, but it was totally worth it.
A little voice in my head sometimes suggests what if you… ate half that many calories? / run harder / throw up that food? and it honestly makes me laugh a little because those are terrible ideas. Nevertheless I still think them, I just don't do them. They're like mildly intrusive thoughts instead of overwhelming urges.

No. 316486

That's so nice to hear, well done nonnie!

No. 316515

That's wonderful anon, I'm so glad everything is working out for you. This is what I'm trying to aim for as well and I'm glad to hear that this was a good/achievable goal for you. Gives me hope.

No. 316814

I don't know how to maintain a stable weight. I'm great at losing weight and good at gaining but intuitive eating may as well be rocket science.

No. 316914

I've been gaining weight recently and it's freaking me out because I don't know why. I've had AN for years, trust me when I know exactly how much I'm eating. Rationally I know it's stupid to freak out over only two kilos (..for now) but it's fucking with me because I can't explan it.

No. 317058

Why is everyone online a fucking wannarexic or feel the need to be "validated" every 5 minutes
I mean in regular social media

No. 317061

because this is what a lot of social media has become. everything has to be "valid" and people still think being anorexic means you're some snooty well dressed woman who drinks a lot of black coffee. if they knew the full disgusting and terrifying extent of the illness they would never idealize it that way. and how lucky for them to not know.

No. 317068

internet addiction and body dysmorphia/ed cocktail i assume

No. 317105

it was always like that. the sites of the past from tumblr to live journal were not much different.

No. 317597

File: 1679235764654.jpeg (24.43 KB, 426x426, 49BD5EBB-0297-4F1C-8DC7-047F8F…)

Before/after thinspo is so depressing. In the before picture she's usually outside somewhere with friends or family, and in the emaciated After she's alone in her bedroom or bathroom. I've never had a life to begin with so I haven't lost anything like that, but it does make me sad. My heart goes out to everyone in this thread. Please do something nice for yourself today.

No. 317610

I hate how my ED changes my school/work performance - even when i just gain 1-2 kg. I did underperform as skelly but now that im less of a skelly but still in a comfortable range (bmi 15-16.5 is my comfy range), i actually am overachieving at work. But then i binge for a few days and gain literally 1 kg and i start to cry at work about every single thing, underperforming. i hate constantly being reminded that my body is visible to others, and feeling like they can notice i gained even through my loose clothing. i hate how my mind becomes so occupied with how much flesh i feel on my body, to the point that i cry at every single inconvenience becuz im so on edge all the time.

No. 317625

But isn't it usually because people like that struggle with self image, which leads to them never have a courage to take a photo of themselves and only have photos other have taken to choose from; and then after achieving a desired weight they have more pride in themselves to actually willingly just take selfies? It doesn't have to mean people lose friends along with kilograms

No. 318053

NAYRT but not always, EDs often happen because it's something the individual has control over. It could stem from serious issues like SA or DV, or it could be a situation like being overwhelmed with stress and expectations and not knowing how to cope. Of course it includes body image issues, but it doesn't always start out that way. That's also why telling anachans they're prettier when they're a normal weight doesn't work. There's a lot more than looks involved.

No. 318579

Had a more hearty, bigger, protein and fat packed meal today since I've been in huge restriction for so long after a relapse and spent the day in the bed feeling like shit. It wasn't a binge or anything, it just felt like actual poison in my body. Fuck this

No. 318894

i cant tell if i fucked my kidneys up again or if the pain in my flank is something else. oh well. im stupid, what else is new

No. 318965

I'm 72kg now, I wonder how long it will take to get to 55kg. 173cm

No. 318970

It's probably impossible and even if you get that law, you'll be bloated as fuck the moment you drink a drop of water.

No. 318979

Oh it's possible. Anon could even aim lower. But she's gotta ask herself if she also wants to lose her personality, hobbies, friends, focus, motivation, hair, strength, bone density, fertility, hormones, functioning metabolism, happiness, etc

No. 318982

really? I weighed 55kg back in high school and was ok. you're prob right with the happiness.

No. 319093

Being thin from the start is much easier than losing weight. Even if she were to lose weight, she'd have loose skin and couldn't achieve the same body she used to have. That's impossible to lose 20+ kgs at that weight and not look loose and ugly so don't tell her it's possible.

No. 319095

Absolute vent but I hate even being this type of mentally ill. I feel like this eating disorder makes me such a shitty vapid person who is constantly nit-picking other peoples' appearances, I'm just such an obnoxious stuck-up bitch in my own head just because other people can eat a burger and not have a fucking meltdown about it. I don't even know how I got this bad. It's like sometimes I have these moments of clarity and realize how awful I look and that I don't even like this body I spent so much time and effort on but so I'm too far gone that I know that if I don't get super skelly, then all this suffering wasn't even worth it. I ate fairly normally for the last 3months and barely gained but I felt like I looked disgusting and fat regardless,
but eventually I just couldn't cope with the BS in my life so I started restricting again and while I'm still miserable, at least I feel in control of something. I was a depressed piece of shit two years ago back when I was overweight, but now I'm underweight and still a depressed piece of shit - except now I'm too weak to do anything. Shock horror.

No. 319105

You missed the point entirely. I'm not encouraging the retard to develop an eating disorder.
But nonna you are not in control. Your disorder is. Hold onto those moments of clarity. The suffering wasn't worth it. You can't change what you did and what you put your body and mind through. But you can stop it, and hopefully reverse the damage. If nothing works, focus on the vanity of it all. The thinning hair, saggy skin, bobble head proportions, gaunt, old face. No one looks better malnourished.

No. 319134

I know it might not be intentional but you can fuel someone's delusions very easily here and when she finally gets that low and looks at the mirror to see a saggy monster, it wont be a good scene.

No. 319263

Nonna…that was my point. You can lose as much weight as you want but you will lose your life along the way.

No. 319308

You act like I weigh 100kg lol I can lose 20kg and not be THAT saggy. There’s always surgery too. Plus that weight for me isn’t even in that anachan range. I’ll still look better regardless than I do now.

No. 319342

Anon sorry to break it to you but you almost weight 80kgs and even if you get surgery afterwards your body still wouldn't be able to handle such weight loss unless you get the help of a professional dietician and work out.
Anon I know but that wannachan is obviously not caring about anything but the number she'll see on the scale. See how she thinks getting surgery is worth it. That's not normal.

No. 319343

Anon, this is a shit idea, honest. I lost 20 kg once very quickly, going from 80 to 60. I'm 180 cm tall , so I was still in normal health range… Except I still lost weight in unhealthy way and it fucked me up. Even if you are not going full anachan, doing this stuff is stupid. I wish I didn't do it back in the day, it ruined my health and I gained most of it back anyway, but also wasn't able to get back my periods for whole two years and had a mental breakdown… I know I sound like wannarexic, considering I didn't go for super low weight, but what I did was harmful anyway. Now imagine how actually anorexic anons have it, it's 100 times worse.

No. 319344

Nta but you're not wannorexic unfortunately, you suffered from a mental health disorder and went to a super low weight for your height, I called her wannorexic because I use wannorexic for people who are "trying" to become anorexic because they think it's like a fast diet that'll give them their dream bodies. I hope you're doing better now, what you went through sounds really hard and I can't even imagine the effects it had on your body. I used to suffer from eating disorders ever since I was in primary school and I couldn't even get by without fainting until I decided to fuck it and gain weight I feel much better now. And I look better too, I'm sure it's the same for you and that you look much better with a healthy weight.

No. 319354

I don't need a professional dietitian to help me lose 20kg lol. I'll work out too. Maybe I belong in the diet thread instead.

No. 319364

lmfao that's not even 170lbs if im reading correctly????, she won't have sagging skin XD, you're delusional anon. she could totally lose that in a healthy way.(XD)

No. 319365

You need a dietician to lose weight without a warped attachment to dieting and food! Disordered eating deserves acknowledgment no matter what body it happens in. I guarantee a dietician would help you create a lasting healthy relationship with food.

No. 319367

You're mentally ill to the point you consider surgery on your journey to become unhealthily thin. You shouldn't do this on your own.
I agree but she won't listen. I don't think it's easy to lose 20kg in a healthy way without some kind of help anyways.

No. 319370

If I have a calorie deficit of 500 each day and lose 20kg in an approriate amount of time and still have sagging skin, then yeah I might consider surgery. 55kg at 173cm isn't unhealthily thin either btw.

No. 319371

You won't ever get that low with that restriction, good luck though. I'm sure anons would love to read about your saggy skin and botched surgery in anachan thread next year.

No. 319375

but I weighed it before and only gained weight because of an anti-depressant. idk you seem so mad lul. trust me I'll work out <3

No. 319376

It's literally medically underweight. I started losing hair and hormone function at bmi 19. But be my guest wannachan, go fuck around and find out. You'll either fail, binge and repeat the crash diet cycle or you'll fail, develop anorexia/bulimia and die a painful, lonely, digusting death. Have fun!

No. 319385

Ntayrt but when my bmi was at 16 for years I somehow never got the typical hair loss/period loss/etc. issues, but it might be due to my height being different idk.

No. 319386

Nta but bmi isn't trustworthy, a healthy muscular woman can be classified as "obese" according to bmi whilst a woman who's lacking muscle tone even though she is skinnyfat can have 18- BMI since fat weights less than muscle.

No. 319446

What are the top 5 reasons you can think of to recover and gain weight, in general? I've been struggling for over a year to get my BMI above 15 after gaining some to start but part of me feels so reluctant and it's been going on for so many months now and I feel completely depressed about it. I wish I could just put on 10kg overnight and get it over with

No. 319456

nta but everyone is different anon. i've never been above a bmi 18 (mostly for reasons unrelated to AN) and even at my lowest the only thing i've experienced was hair loss. i honestly don't want to find out at which point my period will stop showing up

No. 319460

Afaik, losing hair and your period is more related to nutrition than it is on weight.

No. 319466

you have to understand that it depends more on nutrition. like if you crash dieted your way to bmi 19 from say bmi 25, you might lose your period etc. i lost mine at bmi 16ish because i was a bmi 19 before my ed. i do have awful skin and hair becuz of ed though, but i was a skelly at some point so it is hard to recover your hair from that. still, with good nutrition and supplements, i got a good chunk of my hair back (at bmi 16.5, i did gain around 7 kg though - you have to gain a bit to get your hair back)

No. 319474

I'm trying to say that it's your approach that is the problem. I'm that anon >>319343 and what's important is to loose weight in healthy way and don't get obsessed over numbers. I'm not fan of body positivity, but being kinder to yourself would really help. For fucks sake, you are not even overweight all things considered. But you still consider surgery, going on crush diets and asking tipz n trickz from anachans. Don't do it really. Go to more normal dieting communities, surround yourself with good people and try to loose weight in a healthy, sustainable way. Your health is more important that your looks.

No. 319491

Since we're somewhat on topic, During my brief foray into skeletor-levels I definitely felt awful, no periods, no libido, tired, brain fog, felt like fainting everytime I stood up, hair falling out, mild leukopenia, vitamin deficient, cold all the time, purple fingers and toes and just felt weak at all times. Since then I've maintained bmi 15-17 for the past 5-6 years at this point, and my body honestly works like normal. I do feel like shit most of the time but not as dramatically as I used to, I have a regular period, no hair loss, my heart doesn't feel like it's gonna explode every time I exert myself even a little bit, etc. I'm still very tired and get cold easily which definitely could be because of the low weight. And honestly I don't know if my bloodcell/vitamin levels have normalizes since I haven't had a blood test in years. But I never get sick, so my immune system is definitely working fine. I've been toying with the idea of actually gaining enough to be normal weight but I have so many mental blocks to actually eating enough for that to happen it's proving very diffuclt, and the fact that my body works completely fine as is just makes it more difficult, because it tells my brain this is how I'm "supposed to be". I've been dealing with AN since my late teens and I'm now in my mid 20s, I've heard side effects of eating disorders really start kicking in and killing people in their 30s, is there any truth to that?

No. 319492

I'm sure counting calories is considered anachan, but it's the only way I can do it.

No. 319567


nonna how did you bring your period back while still underweight if you dont mind me asking?

No. 319594

I didn't do anything special, I think they came back around bmi of 16?

No. 319614

As a b/p anorexic:
Does anyone else often find other anorexics really, really insufferable? Despite that I've been just as big of a delusional retard or a judgemental shallow bitch as I've complained about them being. Maybe I'm wrong to feel superior that I have more perspective on my disordered thoughts because it's mostly the younger anorexics who are the worst. Do you know what I mean?

No. 319618

In the end you're all ruining your health and wasting your time doing something inane for a false sense of control

No. 319619

Well, usually you get obsessed with weight loss and food, and this is normal so far, cause that's what ED is. But a lot of anachans can't see how stupid they look when they act like their ED is their whole personality. So they start acting catty, vapid etc. I notice that most people grow out of this with time. But some stay the same teenage girls whose only joy in the world is to compare herself to heavier women. This is okay when you are 13, cause everybody is dumb in that age. It's not okay when you are fucking grown ass women who still does this shit.

No. 319623

I'm the opposite, old anorexics annoy me and I think they're hilariously retarded even though I realize it's a mental illness. Especially if the older women(and tbh men too) have nothing in their life aside from their anorexia.

No. 319648

I have no motivation to try to recover again after my relapse because I feel just as shitty at normal weight because of comorbid mental issues. I have no salvation really, to the point my ED is the least of my problems. lmaoo
I'm just hoping I fucking die already.

No. 319657

Damn anon, they aint ready to face the reality.

No. 319812

>is there any truth to that
Yes. Depends on the person.
Look, if you're functioning and living your life that's great, if you're worried about your health just talk to a doctor like a normal person. They can run tests and check you out and tell you if you're actually at risk for health problems due to your weight. Chronically underweight people exist and doctors have advice for them (you). Take the doctor's advice seriously and you're good.

No. 319826

I mean you say yourself that you are cold and tired. Use that shrunken brain of yours. You might not be dying but you aren't healthy.

No. 321063

Fuck nonnas… I'm mentally smoking a cig in a dirty alleyway right now. I hate that I have to post in this thread. Sorry in advance for the blog, I don't get triggered easily these days but seeing Ariana Grande's blatant bodycheck photoshoot has taken me out. I hate that THIS is what's taking me out rn. I don't even care about her but seeing her poses compounded my recent feelings of shame and stress. My parents came over for Easter and god bless them, they got me my favorite food and everything because they love me and we missed each other so much. They're gone again, they couldn't stay long and I can't deal that this food represents their love and now I'm too stressed by life stuff to have proper hunger cues. Seeing those stupid pictures just reaffirmed the constant intrusive thoughts to punish myself for how inadequate I have been with responsibilities and life. I… I put the food that I can freeze in the freezer. I don't want to stress about the food going to waste on top of life pressures. I'm sorry mom, dad. I'm so sorry. I will eat it later. I hope it doesn't go bad. But I really can't deal with feeling big and bloated on top of other stress currently. I don't want to feel food in my body right now because it feels like eating my failures and them getting inside of me. I want to be better… but I can't help but sink a little right now. I'm not strong enough to keep myself afloat. I don't want to feel myself existing.

No. 321880

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Browsing mybodygallery, looking at women my height but about 10kg higher weight and just marveling at how they all look so slim and normal. Realistically I know I'm also not gonna look like jabba the hutt at that completely normal weight. But any time I eat slightly more than usual it's like I can physically feel and see the fat rolls forming. Body dysmorphia is a bitch to live with. Even beyond weight I really can't grasp what I actually look like. I feel like my face looks different every time I look in the mirror.

No. 323312

Does anyone else have coping strats for when you miss your ed? I try to remind myself that I want to pursue cerebral things and I need grey matter for that. I appeal to vanity and tell myself I didnt look cute, I looked haggard and grey. I appeal to logic and tell myself that youd be forced to gain the weight back anyway after a certain point. I make the feminist argument that its another way of females internalizing hurt. I remember how boring it was living the lifestyle of an atrophied elderly woman. I remind myself how exhausting it was micromanaging everything and crying in supermarkets, how it was stupid and tryhard of me. Also sometimes I think about dasha and anna.

No. 323771

Obgyn put me on bc to try and jumpstart my cycle after nothing else has worked (hormones, weight restoration, thyroid meds, supplements, diet change, herbal remedies). I'm afraid it will make my depression worse but I don't know how much worse it can really get? Maybe I'll feel something at least.

No. 323782

Kek. You threw away food gifted to you by your parents because a washed up ex child prostitute has more ribs than you. Having an ED is so cucked, so glad I'm normal.

No. 323833

you are so unnecessarily cruel. let her vent and hide the thread if you don't have any compassion or understanding

No. 324518


No. 324526

Does it count as bulimia if the purging isn’t vomiting?

I was an ana-chan years ago with ARFID, but luckily recovered before it got too bad. But I started to miss my skinny body. I’m Hispanic, and it’s very common in my family and race for us to look really good in teens, then bloat up as metabolism slows down.

ARFID got worse, cause autism. It’s not really as bad as the anorexia, but some foods I genuinely cannot eat without feeling physically sick. And one bad food will ruin that food for weeks. Example: I love blueberries, but if I eat one blueberry that tastes bad, even if the rest are good, I’m too scared to touch them again.

Idk how to describe ARFID other than I can’t eat foods that aren’t predictable. A pack of blueberries can have one tart, one sweet, one form, one squishy, and they all look the same. And if I get a bad one, it’s ruined for a long time. But unhealthy foods like carbs taste the same every single time, so I trust them more.

Anyways, I don’t think I’m bulimic, I’ve been replacing my carbs with better carbs (protein pasta instead of regular, things like that), but I still don’t look the way I want. And if I gain too much, I just stop eating for a few days, until my stomach is flatter. I don’t vomit anything up, or take laxatives, but I’ve heard from some people that purging isn’t always like those two.

Sorry if this isn’t coherent, my brain is tired from poor eating habits

No. 324533

Purging can come in different forms like over exercising. I think chew/spit also counts as bulimia.

No. 324534

Why do you think it would be bulimia and not just an/ARFID if that's what you've previously had? (or even EDNOS, I guess some doctors would diagnose that if it doesn't fit any single category)
I mean, purging can be other compensatory behaviour than vomiting or laxatives, like overexercising for example, but ypu don't describe anything like that in your post.

No. 324536

The only way to fix yourself is 1. Force yourself to eat the damn blueberries and eventually you'll become normal. Also carbs aren't unhealthy, they're the reason your brain can function enough to type the words on your keyboard. Don't fall for the fatty cope.

No. 324538

>>323782 yeah nonsense triggers is usually how mental illnesses work you retard

No. 326836

I've been slipping up. I'm down a couple of pounds again and I hate, hate, hate that I allowed myself to do this. It's like 2 steps forward 3 steps backwards. I was put on some medication that upped my appetite overcompensated with restriction. I wasn't even restricting hard, or at least it didn't feel that way. Now I have to force myself to eat more again when I could have just been normal.

No. 326973

It sucks so hard how literally every type of exercise ends up steering me towards the rocks again. I'm getting back into weight lifting and telling myself that all I have to do is push protein because I'm aiming for functionality, not aesthetics, but of course I'm always passively tracking calories and now it's getting worse because all I can think about is seeing physical results. Like, why not track carbs as well? Get strict about sugars? It always goes like this no matter what I pick. I'm trying so hard to be normal about it but I just can't lol and not working out isn't really an option. I can't stand feeling weak and untoned.

No. 326991

What about something that incorporates other types of goals besides the visual? Yoga? Calisthenics with focus on flexibility and strength? Maybe check out MovementbyDavid?

No. 327080

It's a good idea, but it's too easy to restrict when I'm doing stuff like yoga, at least with weights I have a reason to eat well.

No. 327330

Anybody else with anorexia gave up on recovery and just practice harm reduction now?
I had many attempts and hopes I could be normal with food. Usually stopping the obsessive behaviors like logging and tracking help at first, but nowadays they don't cause me anxiety like they did in the past. Sometimes it was physical symptoms like extreme constipation and weakness that made me try, but after 12 years of this I learned enough to the point I feel like I can manage it and live decently.. I know it's still risky and unhealthy but it's the best I can do… My behaviors are my coping mechanisms with life now, they aren't the main problem ever since I became an adult many years ago

No. 327500

No. I refuse to give into this disorder. Maybe I'll never be 100% normal around food but god damnit I will try my best.

No. 327506

I wish you the best, nona. Sending hugs

No. 327517

i want to get healthy nonnas. how can i lose weight in a healthy way and recover from binge eating at the same time? i remember binge eating from the age of 8 and vomiting from being stuffed because our poor family could only show love to us with food. and i hate to feel this way, but i resent my mom for enabling my behavior, telling me to eat more and not leave any food on the plate. growing up was hell. i was overweight all throughout highschool and it didn't help that my obese mom would constantly pinch me and grab my sides and tell me i was fat, purposely bought me unflattering clothing and small bras so i was humiliated. i managed to lose a bit of weight through an unhealthy mindset in order to not binge but i gained some back, and i don't want to rebound. i didn't get my period so i can tell i'm really stressed out about this.

No. 327539

I don't want to be like that but a big problem for me is that I have no idea what recovery would look like for me. It's been over 5 years now since I ate more than once a day and I've been severely relapsed since 2021. I hate myself so much for a million different reasons which is a big part of what drives me to restrict/purge but I'm also greedy and want more out of my life than to live like an isolated angry ghost.

No. 327541

You're not greedy. That's the part of your brain that's not rotten trying to save you. Short term recovery would be something like slow caloric increase, finding
a meal plan to follow, weight gain etc. But none of that will stick if you don't address the core issues behind the disorder.

No. 327546

There's a lot of other stuff going on irl, terminal illness in the family and then I just keep thinking about food and my next meal and it makes me genuinely so fucking angry with myself. tbh it's made my restriction worse recently because I often restrict to punish myself and it's just a huge mess kek. I used to think I was kind of a strong person but lately I've been such a slave to the "anorexic voice" in my head, it'll say jump and I'll say how high? That's good advice though, I really appreciate it. I know really I should try being kind to myself and positive reinforcement rather than endless punishment and self harm.

No. 327548

I'm so sorry you're going through that anon. Use the anger you're feeling for good. Fuel it into being mad at that stupid, immature, selfish, embarrassing voice in your head. Being strong is not acting retarded about food. So that you can be the best version of yourself, for yourself and for others. Start small. I began by eating breakfast, max 30 minutes after waking up. No matter what. Doesn't matter if I ate a bigger dinner, didn't work out, don't feel hungry, am stressed or whatever. Normal people eat breakfast and they don't make a show of it. You have to be stern with yourself, like you're dealing with a fussy child.

I'm wishing you the best and hope you will find peace soon.

No. 327620

I'm reading hormones shouldn't be used to induce a period in anorexic women because it's fake bleeding and doesn't actually regulate anything. Does anyone have any experiences with this? I just talked with my obgyn and they want to put me on birth control.

No. 327653

Where did you read this? Unless it's a medical paper I wouldn't trust it, maybe get a second opinion from another obgyn

No. 327686

In medical papers. Here's the link https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/23682675/
I asked about alternatives but since I'm already on thyroid meds and vitamin supplements there isn't much else to try.

No. 327692

i've been on a pseudo-holiday for two weeks and eaten like an absolute fucking glutton. I legitimately haven't eaten like this in years, definitely not since developing anorexia almost 10 years ago. I already feel terrified of what my scale is going to show when I get back home. Not to mention how the restaurant meals with dessert and drinks have stretched my stomach now so even going back to my normal eating routine I'm going to be left feeling hungry

No. 327722

You did good though. You practiced food freedom. You should be proud, not ashamed and scared. Two weeks is not enough time to gain anything but water weight. And even if you did the world won't fall apart.

No. 327846

Honestly I don't think one should push themselves to eat a meal they truly don't want to. You have to separate what's anorexia and what you genuinely don't want to do. I usually don't enjoy eating in the morning, never have since I was a kid, and a lot of non-ED people don't eat breakfast. I'm not saying YOU should stop doing it if it's working for you though! I just find that there are other ways to challenge yourself that don't involve eating a meal you don't want to… I personally had a problem allowing snacks so I made sure to allow myself to eat one in the afternoon to help break with my rigid rules

No. 327972

I strongly disagree. Fasting isn't good for recovery. Allowing yourself to not eat meals because it's hard uwu and you don't want to makes no sense. Yeah many normal people don't eat breakfast but they don't have an eating disorder.

No. 329038

Has anybody on here successfully weaned themselves off of online spaces centered around eating disorders? I think consuming disordered content online is really holding me back by validating those kinds of thought patterns. Even if I'm using pro Ana scumbag threads as 'recovery inspo' or whatever, I still feel like the fixation is generally preventing me from moving on to a life focused on more important things. I guess this might be the wrong place to get help but I really would like some input from anybody who feels like they're coming out the other side.

No. 329090

Yeah. I posted self help pdfs and photos of health problems due to bulimia in the proana thread on /fa/ until I got banned from the site for abuse. I couldn’t stop going there so I just got aggressively obnoxious until my posting ability was taken away and that worked to get me off there. As for other sites, I made a rule not to read anything from anyone under 40 years old (weird rule I know) which pretty much rules out all popular ED sites because the posters are largely teens/20s.
Only opened this thread because I saw your comment. I don’t come in here, it messes with my head.

No. 329956

I thought I was over it, i thought I was over being anachan, but my mental fortitude is being so weak right now since i gained a little weight and i just want to spiral for the first time in years, shit really is a sickness

No. 329996

You got this nonna, you can fight back. Feeling anxious about weight gain is normal, don't give into the urges. You know deep down it's not worth it.

No. 330069

If I eat my last big meal at 8pm, go to sleep, wake up and have my first meal at 10am because that's when I feel hungry that's a 14 hour fast but the way I see it it's a completely reasonable normal human experience… I'm disordered but that doesn't mean literally everything about the way I eat is disordered
Ever since I was born eating in the morning wasn't natural to me so I feel it's pointless to challenge this specific behavior that didn't originate from my ED. Behaviors that straight up originated from an ED to me were my focus on my recovery, like I mentioned, I had a difficult time allowing myself to eat snacks in between meals or eating certain types of food
I only used this as an example though, when someone is severely malnourished and very underweight it's different but I think people in recovery once they are out of danger zone should have a little bit of freedom to follow what would be a natural eating pattern granted they can separate if the behavior existed before ED and after ED, as long as they are hitting their healthy calorie goals at the end of the day. But it's ok to disagree, I'm probably from a whole other country anyway and treatments for ED vary a lot
All I know is that I wish you well my friend <3

No. 330204

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Well I am definitely starting to eat like a fucking weirdo again but at least I'm eating! I am seeing a lot of progress and I'm happy with how full and energized I feel lately so I'm thinking this is good. Right now I only track calories and protein which is a pretty normal practice for a lot of people, right? And I'm allowed to eat what I want as long as it hits those targets, I'm not cutting anything out. I only exercise every other day. Sometimes walks in between. Idk nonas am I doing okay? I don't feel like I have a healthy measure because my mom was so crazy about exercise and diet when I was growing up.

No. 330210

anyone else feel like they will never 100% get over their eating issues? my friend asked me about this the other day and it made me think. i've been dealing with eating issues since i was a child and i don't really remember what it's like eating "normally". it gets worse and then gets better so it's kind of just a constant up and down.
it's definitely not as debilitating as it was when i was a teenager, i'm able to live my life, feel happy, do my work etc… but it's just one of those things that's always kind of there in the back of my mind.

No. 330217

Yes she is my dark friend in my head who “ironically” tells me to do bad things and I laugh at her bad ideas (works for me even if it’s silly)

No. 330239

does vaping help anyone refrain from binging? not sure if I would just be swapping one bad habit for another but I can't take this anymore. I just want to suppress my appetite

No. 330254

Not really no, long-term completely stops as you get used to it and it’s hard to quit so you’ll actually probably just have two bad habits at the end of the day, not worth it at all. Coffee honestly works better. Sorry.

No. 330489

I started restricting again for a scrote I want him to find me beautiful, all his exes are very slender, I feel so pathetic and retarded.

No. 330606

Personally, I do find it helps me a lot but as >>330254
said, it helps less and less the more you it.

No. 330607

Lately I feel like I’m going to drop dead every day, I’m not restricting very low and I haven’t been b/ping as much as I used to (maybe 1-2x a week now) but I have basically constant sharp pains in my stomach, my chest aches and I have body aches everywhere and no energy whatsoever and eating just makes me horribly nauseous . My bmi is just a bit under 17 and I take vitamins everyday, I used to really enjoy walking outside and going to the gym but I don’t feel well enough to do anything but lay in bed or sit in my car these past few weeks. I just want to feel better so h can enjoy life again. Taking adderall and drinking caffeine used to help me get out of bed but it doesn’t much of anything anymore. The worst part is how horribly lonely I am, I really want a boyfriend but I have a hard time talking to anyone besides my ex who just makes me feel worse. All I want to do is b/p but I don’t even have the energy to purge and I don’t think I could deal with the pain and nausea right now.

No. 330612

Yeah severely diminishing returns

No. 330731

How are you supposed to recover when you objectively only look good underweight? I have extremely shitty genetics and fat distribution and at a normal weight I have the face, doublechin and neck of a 300lb whale. I am apple shaped and carry all my weight in my upper body. I legit wouldnt even care if I had fat thighs, a fat ass or a belly if I could have a thin face and a slender neck. The only way for me to fix my shit genetics is to be extremely low bodyfat and I can only accomplish this by starving myself. The only time in my life I have been called pretty by people is at my lowest weight.

No. 330734

This nona >>330254 is right. I smoke ciggies for 10 years now and at first it made me a little bit nauseous and light-headed, so it killed my appetite for good. Now I don't feel like that at all.
But I would say a cigarette is a good alternative to snacking anyway. I never eat snacks and if I feel snakish, I just light up a ciggie. Plus, I don't eat lunch at work cause at the break all my co-workers go to eat but I need some times to drink coffee and smoke a couple of ciggies than go around the street so I wouldn't smell.
But again, that doesn't kill your appetite. Don't start smoking cause you think it would help. It just that severely addicted smokers prefer smoking over eating but it's not how it works for majority of smokers.

No. 330776

are you staying hydrated nona? you need to add some gatorade to your routine, they have 0cal options. just water won't help when you're restricting and purging, it sounds like your electrolytes are way out of wack. i hope you feel better soon <3(<3)

No. 331040

It’s me again, I was talking to my mom about how I feel and she suggested I might be super iron deficient, so I checked my multivitamin and guess what, absolutely no iron in them.I started taking iron tablets yesterday, and it’s actually helped a lot so far with my energy levels. Not really sure what the issue is with my stomach pain, maybe like an ulcer? >>330776
Thanks for the support, it actually means the world to me. I drink a lot of Diet Coke which probably doesn’t help so I’ll try getting some Gatorade instead.

No. 331069

Ok real support recovery question: years after stopping my problematic behavior (purging) I’m at a healthy BMI (never was underweight actually I’ve been only average and overweight in my life) but in my mid thirties I would actually like to lose some weight. Not like 17 bmi or anything, just go from 24 to like 20. It’s totally for vanity. Should I keep that off the table for me? I know I can get crazy about it but this seems reasonable and I could do it so slowly and healthily. I just doubt myself.

No. 331073

Basically does anyone have experience doing a normal healthy diet after recovery and not relapsing? It’s been like 7 years & I can not imagine starting to purge again it repulses me.

No. 331111

Every time i see how other people lead fulfilling, big, happy lives makes me want to relapse. I've been in recovery since september, but what's the point when I have nothing to live for? All of the inspirational recovery bullshit angers me even more. I was a weird friendless shut in before the ed and recovering won't change that.

No. 331162

sounds like depression. I'm not you, I don't know what you need, but if it was me in your shoes then making long-term plans would help a lot. self-harming with ED behaviors is a very short-term coping mechanism for overwhelming feelings and/or general misery in my experience. make some long term big goals towards having a big happy life and break them down into much smaller goals and focus on controlling that instead of getting a false sense of control from whatever ED you are trying to recover from.
sorry to reply if you're just venting and you know all this already.

No. 331211

It is depression. But fixing it is easier said than done. I need to feel like myself again. I need to connect with people. Find my passions, hobbies, a way to cope with life. Since teen years I just switch from one bad coping mechanism to another. From cutting to smoking, from smoking to drinking and hypersexuality to hitting myself, self sabotaging. To binge eating and finally anorexia and total isolation. I don't know how to get out. I know what my long term goals are but how do I achieve them? I want friends and love and I want to live life instead of rotting in my room.

No. 331215

> I need to feel like myself again.
When did you last feel like yourself? What has happened since then to make you not feel like yourself?

No. 331225

I don't know. I never had a super strong identity. Nothing really traumatic happened in the last couple of years. University was hard and I had no time for anything. I didn't meet a lot of people but I had some friends. I slowly lost them all. Covid was rough. I developed an eating disorder last year, properly after years of "just" disordered eating. I don't know what happened. I wish I did. Maybe I could fix it then.

No. 331263

I don't know if this goes in here:

I have been dealing with depression and ADHD and now adding the grief I noticed I tend to refuge myself in food (not junk food). I'm near 205 pounds and I'm trying quite hard in not binge food (like eating out for boredom) and I know I should exercise, but I feel my mental issues and pills are not helping me.

Sorry for the bad English, I just wanted to rant.

No. 331271

Easier to stop sooner rather than later. Good that you noticed it’s unhealthy. Just takes small steps away from the bad and towards health things, you have a long life (knock on wood) and time to make changes and be happy again.

No. 331492

Nonnas I can't take having anorexia anymore. It's been over a decade, I lost my adolescence and early adulthood to anorexia. I wish I could snap out of this mental illness but people treat me like an actual human compared to when I was fat. Being a fat man would be easier since they are not dehumanized the way fat women are.

No. 331687

There is a lot of middle ground between being skeletal thin and being fat. You can enjoy a healthy diet with some treats once in a while and still be relatively thin. You must do some exercise too, that's really not optional, being toned thin looks better than skinnyfat or saggy thing anyways imho. I understand what you mean with the dehumanization, sadly, such double standards go way beyond being fat, men can do the fuck they want all the time.

No. 331704

Any anons here does the opti shakes diet? Im on it now but i've not lost any weight because I still keep binging. I know they're unhealthy and you should just eat healthier but at this point in time even eating healthy food for weeks made me binge, im just trying to teach my mind to not fixate on food so much, hence the shakes diet. Im allowed a bowl of veggies a day, which is fine some days and others I binge. But yeah, have any chubby/binge anons succeeded on them?

No. 331785

I used to have a 300 ml glass of nonfat milk + extra calcium with a tablespoon of a meal replacement shake instead of regular dinner for 2 months and I did lose quite some weight. The shake was from a national brand and not only it had a lot of vitamines and minerals but it was also very satiating. The artificial sweeteners weren't the worst type as the ones in diet sodas but I decided to quit it anyway. I was also restricting at that time so I don't know what to tell you, but shakes definitely helped with avoiding binges. I was not chubby but rather average for my country. I wouldn't recommend anyone to do an only shakes diet but I think if you manage to find a brand whose flavours taste nice and which has decent compositions (no aspartame, thanks) you should give it a try and substitute one meal per day. I hope this was helpful in some way, anon.

No. 332096

I am so bloated it hurts so bad. What do I do? I just ate a bowl of stir fry that was pretty healthy and I feel like my stomach is going to pop but I’m also still hungry at the same time. I wish someone would just put me out of my misery. I hate how much my brain cares about my body shape, why can’t I just eat nutritiously and feel healthy and enjoy my hobbies and appreciate my life. I feel so useless for not even being able to lose weight.

No. 332622

I feel like i’m in limbo. I want to maintain the strength I’ve gained from working out but my stomach looks so big and I’m short too so I looks so dumpy. My stomach is muscle, and it’s firm and I have good strength but I guess the way I distribute makes me look fat. I hate that I want to prioritise looks over ability because I’m literally the strongest I’ve ever been and I don’t want to go back to being dizzy and exhausted all the time but it’s so hard seeing myself and thinking I’m huge and disgusting even when I logically know I’m not. I’ll never be the body type I want to look like because of my bone structure and it freakin’ sucks!!!!

No. 332693

>I’ll never be the body type I want to look like because of my bone structure and it freakin’ sucks!!!!
So relatable. I'm basically inverted triagle when it comes to bone structure but with pear fat distribution, which makes my lower body look proportionately bigger than it is. I don't have a "thigh gap" unless I'm like 15 kg underweight, and yes I know thigh gaps are retarded, but this is just to give an example. I don't care if my thighs touch or not but it's difficult for me to deal with the fact that they're always going to be big compared to the rest of my body.

I do long distance running and it has started to help a little I think, because now I'm more focused on what my legs can do and not on what they look like. Guess you just have to hang in there until it gets better.

No. 332808

I hate that I can’t restrict at all anymore without getting horribly sick and now that I gained all the way to bmi 20 nobody gives a fuck about me and I miss having to put a pillow between my knees to sleep and waking up covered in bruises god I sound like a teenager but my frontal lobe never developed I will never be anything more than a 13 year old on tumblr reblogging Ariana grande thigh gap photos

No. 332822

+1 to relatable. I'm wider and taller than most men around, even my ribcage is shaped like a barrel. all my fat goes to my back and waist. I do have a thigh gap, but it's because my pant size is small, while I have to wear plus sized tops. I try not thinking about my looks though sometimes I catch myself in the mirror and I'm just impressed by how strange my body is.

No. 333004

This post honestly reads like it was written as a joke, I might be annoyed by it if it wasn't so dumb. Hopefully your mindset will change a little once you're over 21.

No. 333200

sorry I know it’s embarrassing and cringe I wish it was a joke post but it’s just how I feel right now, I should go to therapy but I just feel like a loser talking about it

No. 333258

>I’ll never be the body type I want to look like because of my bone structure and it freakin’ sucks!!!!
I had "gender dysphoria" and am a detrans TIF, I'm okay with being a woman now but body wise I realized I'll always have trouble with because I want to have a skinny man's body not a skinny woman's body. Yet I can't stop starving myself chasing the impossible. And mostly because my ED is my comfort, at least I know that by maintaining my thinness my figure isn't getting any fuller
Yes I know building muscle helps but it won't change my bone structure, height, natural fat distribution to a point…. This gender shit isn't the ONLY thing fueling the fire of my ED but it def contributes to it a lot. I'm okay with being a skinny woman as I am, but my 'ultimate thinspo goal' would be a skinny man's body and it's impossible

No. 333280

File: 1685921431298.jpeg (32.2 KB, 280x666, 3DAD0C61-D1E1-402C-87FC-7F8CDB…)

>but my 'ultimate thinspo goal' would be a skinny man's body and it's impossible
This? Skinny men look like cryptips.

No. 333281

spoiler this shit nonita. this is jumpscare worthy

No. 333282

randomly wandered in here from homepage, but with a goth or punk aesthetic and a bunch of tattoos I think this body type is pretty cute? This dude looks like an ugly hormonal teen in the face tho.

No. 333320

i'm taking a trip to america to see my online friends and all i can think about is how much weight i'll gain. it didn't even cross my mind until some time ago and now i'm freaked out. of course i still want to go but i'm just so freaked out about it. my friend reassured me that it's mostly the deep fried / fried foods you should stay away from which i already do but i heard america miscounts calories and labels them wrong? i feel crazy.

No. 333329

You’re not being paranoid. In america it’s possible to gain weight just by breathing tbh. When I went there for my vacations, I was watching closely what I was eating, no dressings, no extra sugar or no sugar if possible, skipping meals or only having one meal per day. When I was eating at home I would eat balanced meals with weighted portions even. And I still gained 9 whole ass kilos.
I think the issue is that it’s hard to get any incentive to walk around since everyone needs cars for everything, unlike when you go to Europe where you have to walk to enjoy the cities.

No. 333401

You're not crazy. Yes, labels can be misleading. If an ingredient is under a certain percentage, it doesn't need to be stated. Calories are not listed as kcals but the numbers are required to be as accurate as possible. Most states do not require places to know how many cals are in food. If you are concerned about the quality of your food avoid possible frozen items. I've been to places listing french fries as vegan because they didn't know what rennent was; they did not make them in house. You're best bet is small independent locations or making the food yourself. Don't worry to much. Most small places are willing to accomodate dietary needs. If you have questions about how an item is prepaired they can find out. If you find the idea of going out and not having control challeging, you can use things like all menus, yahoo reviews and grub hub to get an idea of what's available in the area.

No. 333455

I legitimately think there's something wrong with food here in the US but you should be able to just eat the way you normally do for the length of a vacation and not gain weight. (Is that possible? Are you coming from Asia or somewhere with a wildly different cuisine?) If you're sensitive to guar gum and similar additives you might get bloated but that will go away as soon as you go home (I swear to god that shit is in everything I hate it because it bloats me terribly). If you're eating out you just gotta eyeball it and if you're grocery shopping take a look at the ingredients before the nutrition label.
Stop stressing, it's gonna cloud your head so you can't enjoy your trip. You should be planning the things you want to do. What city/state are you visiting?

No. 333683

wow, 9 kilos??? was it all fat or any water weight at all? i imagine the food there is very fatty and filled with sodium, grease and other forms of slop. the europe thing is very true since i live in a tiny country where you only have to walk like 10-20 minutes to get to your destination, an hour at most so i'm fairly used to it. i'm hoping i'll be able to remain active since i want to see a lot of america and my friends are gonna be showing me around which will be exciting, but i can't help but panic at the thought that when i get back home i'll be stuck with a bunch of extra weight and have to lose it all over again.
i'm contemplating just buying my own food and mostly trying to eat clean as i do at home. veggies, fruit, nuts, etc etc. if we do go out to eat i'll avoid eating at any restaurants and bring my own drink (i've heard horror stories of diabetics getting full sugar cokes instead of non sugar ones) i just get scared of the pressure and fear of missing out. the thought of watching all my friends eat while i just sit there and watch makes me afraid i'll regret it later on, i want to cherish the moments without letting my ED get in the way but i also feel scared that the food will add up later. it's mostly just the fear of relapsing on bingeing and purging since to be honest america sounds like a bulimic nightmare. junk food and other bullshit is super cheap, chinese buffets, cheap fast food etc. also the additives and other things they put in it that i've heard make you addicted and do horrible things to your body. reading this back i really sound like a closeminded european.
i'm from scandinavia and i grew up only really eating sweets on saturdays and if my grandma baked something nice. even at home i avoid eating in most restaurants and fast food since aside from ED shit restaurant food just makes me feel sick. i worry about bloating around my friends because of my insane digestive issues and they'll see me looking like a dad with a beer belly. i'll be visiting a smaller part of alabama, i went to st charles 4 years ago and it was really nice but alabama sounds a lot different and interesting. they've already planned some places to bring me to and that's what i'm excited for most, you're right and i should try not to worry as much as it'll spoil the trip. thanks for the tip on looking at the ingredients! where i'm from they don't really add anything to the food they sell aside from basic whole ingredients so it'll be different.. and a bit scary.
sorry for the paragraph, didn't expect a lot of responses since it was just me needing to get some anxiety out but thank you for responding nonas. you're all very kind and helpful

No. 333711

>junk food and other bullshit is super cheap, chinese buffets, cheap fast food etc.
Good news! Due to inflation it is no longer cheap at all. I am Europoop currently visiting the US and utterly shocked at how expensive things here are. Like twice the prices for food as back home. Even Fast Food is expensive as shit so not worth eating at all.

No. 334069

First time posting, but i really have to move on from my bullimia. I have a job, am going to get a master's degree, and i still have a very fullifying social life (even tho i still am not confortable around a majority of ppl) but its been lasting for 4 yrs now, and its getting worse and worse. I think i eat a total of 7000+ cals a day, and this has been going for like 8month+ i binge by impulse (and unfortunately have to shoplift to sustain myself) and since i have no gag reflex due to a condition i have since i was a kid, i just throw everything up immédiatly. I alway refused to give my life out to my ED so i am constantly eating in public, or w/ friends. I pretend i just have a very abnormal metabolism and let it slide. But i think its really getting to every part of my life. My cognitive fonctions, my physical abilities, my long term goals, my self estime, and most importantly, my time management. Im at average Weight, managed to cure most of the terrible body dysmorphia, and am less terribly depressed than i was. I just dont know if i can snap out of it as easily as i think it would be (i am NOT ready to gain weight tho ahah! All my friends are into fashion and modeling, so there is no way im getting even uglier tomorrow) ? I think i just need a lot of motivation, because i never made a move on it but lately i have felt like it was the right time to change. If anyone have tips, and cheers that would be soo so good ♡

No. 334074

I can give you this, material and workbooks. Although some parts may not apply to your particular situation I found it helpful to read everything closely. The pdfs are laid out in a simple way but it is packed with information that’s easiest to read in order and best to follow closely

No. 334238

I'm that anon.. and yes exactly this, sadly lol I know it's not rational of me

No. 336541

my eating habits have just gotten fucked up since i got raped, i switch between binge eating and starving myself. i used to be confident in my body but now i obsess over weight.
i'm so angry at everyone especially the people who are friends with my rapist. i fantasize on going full gone girl on him because he still actively pursuing me. i hate his friends because they are all insufferable fake woke people. I'm so angry at how i got shunned after getting. What makes me even angrier is that they are better people than me regardless of them being rape apologist and him being a rapist. They are smarter than me, don't take up space, and will likely go on to have successful careers. I do not see myself living that long and don't see why i should bother trying. I have always been depressed but this took away the one thing that kept me happy which was my trust in friendships. It makes me so sick to see horrible people thriving and getting rewarded for supporting rapist. I can't even lash out or express my feelings without feeling like a self absorbed narc.

No. 336547

Controversial advice as it could ruin your life but since you’re already self destructing maybe you should actually go full gone girl on him. Did you tell the police?

No. 336564

>Did you tell the police?
I did a year ago. But he has rich-rich parents so nothing happened. I might as well just give him a toxic relationship, since he is destined for a comfy white collar life.

No. 336566

That’s awful I’m so sorry.

No. 337792

I realized I've been slipping up and restricting again. Yesterday I vowed to get back on track, had a nice big breakfast and prepped a nutritious lunch. Halfway through the day I began feeling weird and it seems like I caught a stomach bug and can't keep anything down. The irony of it all.

No. 337830

I'm so sorry nona, you deserve better. If you can you should consider moving away.

No. 337832

tbh this will sound like cope but im so happy i recovered , thinness felt nice but i was balding with putrid breath and couldnt get out of bed almost not to mention losing my period , which considering i want a big family someday is quite terrible. it took a while but im finally happy with myself in a recovered state ! my hair is thick again , i have the energy to do stuff and ive embraced the weight after all. i feel i look a lot more womanly now and i like it despite knowing myself from 5-ish years ago would have an anuerysm seeing it. and yes obviously there's the occasional thought that pops back up but after nearly 5 years i can manage it much better, though i never thought id get to this point of recovery - i had many many setbacks in the process , im happy i got here ultimately :) yay for a good ending

No. 338177

By far the most triggering part for me is the difference between how people treat me when I’m chubby vs ana. I was invisible to almost all men when I was normal or overweight, 99% of guys ignored me whenever I had a BMI of 22 or more.

When I dropped down to a 14 BMI I was inundated with flirting and people being nice to me. Older women developed a maternal instinct towards me and would offer me stuff, pay attention to me like I was their daughter or help me more. Guys started being way more friendly and flirty towards me and I would get cold approached all the time. At the same time I was disgusted by these men because I knew if I wasn’t skinny they wouldn’t have been talking to me. When you’re skinny, other slim people start thinking it’s okay to make body shaming comments about other people and assume you will agree with them. I actually don’t care whether people are overweight or not because that’s their business, but guys (and some other skellies) would try and bait me into body shaming other people and I really disliked it. It just gives me the ick when people are cruel like that to strangers.

Since I started gaining weight back (just to a normal BMI now, not even overweight) I’m becoming pretty much invisible to people again. People don’t approach me, they aren’t extra nice to me nor do they offer to help me. It does piss me off seeing how blatant people are about this, but I guess people who only talk to me if I’m ana aren’t exactly the kind of people I want to be around anyway.

No. 338178

Purging permanently fucked up my insides. I’m in constant pain for the past 5 years. Bulimia is the worst disorder of all. I’d never recommend anyone to purge, ever. Nothing is as terrible for your body and mind as purging is.

No. 338385

I just wish men would ignore me more. I feel like I get more attention with a fuller figure at healthier BMIs like 21 to 22, but me looking younger while thinner draws the worst kind of men
I wish I had a pre pubescent body. Puberty triggered my ED. I dislike having curves and breasts, wish I was flat.

No. 338837

i purged for the first time in awhile a few times like 2 days ago and finally took a shower and I can physically feel the fluids in my face draining out and it feels so hot and uncomfortable ugh please tell me I’m not the only one who this happens to

No. 338878

My experience has been the same 100%. Before I got ill and lost 10-15kgs fast I was legitimately invisible eventhough I was literally normal weight and looked like a regular girl (21 BMI). Getting bombarded by male attention is so real, even the most porn-ridden "i love curves" guys are lying, skinny girls are every guy's preference. What hurt me the most was how women's behaviour towards me shifted, it definitely felt like they respected me and paid attention to me more once I became very skinny. I was invisible to most girls just as I was invisible to guys, only after I lost weight they started engaging in conversation with me and following me on social media as if I just entered their radar. It just hurts more because you think other girls would understand how it feels like, to be disregarded because of your appereance or battling with insecurities over your weight idk i thought there would be some sort of camaraderie. I didn't even realize I was being ignored because of my (normal) weight until I lost weight, I thought I had a peculiar personality thats not for everyone. I am the same person(if not more of a bitch) and I get a pass for everything now. The saddest thing is I know for a fact this weight is not sustainable for me, my body is not meant to be this skinny because my skeletal frame is not small, i fall ill easily, i get bruised easily, i feel dizzy all day. I need to seriously restrict what I eat everyday just to maintain this weight but I don't want to give up the affection and respect I get from society. To me its not even about looking good in clothes, being sexy etc. just being treated like a dignified human being. Such a shame it requires so much mental and physical sacrifice to get the bare minimum.

No. 338900

Always remember you and your body are not the problem, those men are the problem. Even if you shrink away into a speck of dust somehow a man would find a way to turn into a grain of sand just to harass you.

No. 338930

I've been not so accidentally undereating for a while and it has started to affect my sleep again. Last three days I didn't get more than 3 hours before waking up. I didn't think I was doing that bad. Every day I feel like I've eaten enough. Guess I'm delusional! How the fuck do normal people eat

No. 338933

I think this largely depends on your environment and culture. Or how you act. Starving all the time changes your personality. When I was overweight men were creepy. Women acted normal. As I lost weight, some women were a bit meaner and would give underhanded compliments. People also felt more free to give unsolicited comments on my body which never happened before. As I started veering towards skelly land, people were fucking awful. It's like I was a circus freak, not an actual living human being. Men were creepier than ever. It was honestly shocking because I looked like a fucking ghoul. I only got compliments from very oblivious women and other anas.

No. 338966

not my experience. i've gotten about the same amount of attention from men all my life but it felt like when i was very skinny i got more outright creepy men approaching me as well as women being really rude making comments on how i looked like >>338933 said.

No. 338999

File: 1688529070796.png (Spoiler Image,933.23 KB, 1077x606, IMG_4498.png)

all the Barbie movie-themed candy and snacks coming out makes my edbrain feel some kind of way. im an autistic consoomer and I’ve already bought a doll from the movie and a few trinkets but in my head a ‘real Barbie’ or real fan/even Margot Robbie herself would never eat any of the pink sugary garbage all these fast food and ice cream brands are promoting

No. 339001

I think the "real Barbies" would drink at least the zero sugar soda or everything else (in a binge).
I would definitely try the soda even if I was still deep in bulimia.

No. 339005

nta i think that's pink lemonade

No. 339014

the soda is a pink lemonade drink with monkfruit as sweetener instead of sugar. if you're diabetic, it's based.

No. 339032

Tbh, all of those promo items are for little girls. Have you even watched the dream house cartoon? Or any Barbie movie? Barbie eats normally, she likes sweets, fast food and healthy food as well. It’s just that no one sees her eating all of the time because it’s just assumed that she eats food at some point. It’s like that kid saying that he wouldn’t shit because Batman doesn’t shit.

No. 339050

I understand this experience as well, especially with the body-shaming stuff from other people once you're thinner. It's really depressing to hear people you know say awful things about people just because of their weight, especially in my experience where I was at that size at one point or another. Maybe I lived in a body positivity bubble for so long but it's shocking to see how blasé society is with their insult of fat people, even in a country with such high obesity rates as my own. It feels like everyone has a superiority complex and they just want to kick anyone below them. Or maybe it's just the people I interact with.

I had a similar experience to these anons too, men were assholes when I was obese, openly insulted me, treated me like a joke, etc. Their treatment wasn't as derogatory when I was a normal weight, maybe because their interest in me was never a big fat joke, but the "attention" turned pretty nasty once I was underweight - a lot of calling me "fat" because I obviously looked like an anachan, lots of shouting at me from cars when I was walking, etc. Women I know were also a lot "crueller" to me, a lot of backhanded comments. People probably treated me the best when I was a normal weight (shocking), but at most I've learnt in my life is that people are fickle and disappointing, so weight should be a personal thing.

No. 339112

I’ve been eating ‘normally’ for a couple months now aka just binge eating making me slightly over my tdee and i feel like my physical health hasn’t improved if anything it’s getting worse. i get really dizzy even right after eating and get black spots/have to sit down so I don’t pass out or fall over. I’m so confused why this is happening when even macro wise ive been making healthy choices during the day protein nuts fruit etc i just binge on cereal at night

No. 339124

probably a blood sugar or electrolyte thing, but you'd be better off asking a doctor.

No. 339646

I finally fainted. What a wake up call

No. 341105

File: 1689892163422.gif (706.86 KB, 498x360, me.gif)

>bmi drops to 13 for the dozenth time within 2 year relapse period after going nearer the 12s in December
>literally exhausted, no interests, can't concentrate or regulate emotions (also autist/bpd), relatively nihilistic about weight gain, want to stop because it's ruining my life and making my family miserable
>don't actually know how to stop because restricting and purging has been going on for over 5 years now and if I ever need support from my family with food I often feel too guilty to eat it
>less than 1 year until I turn 30

Send help nonas

No. 341111

this is gonna sound a bit silly but just in case it's an option for you, what worked for me was I paid about $4500 USD of my own money that I earned from an hourly wage (that wasn't that high!) to go to outpatient 3 days a week for 12 weeks and I never really learned what was wrong with me but I followed all their instructions and was too appalled at the idea of spending that much money again to ever relapse. That has kept me straight for over 6 years now, I was pretty close to your age when I did it. I don't know what will work for you… have you tried a clinic?

No. 341116

Idk what can help anon, you’ve been in it so long and so deep, it’s a sink or swim situation. There’s no other way except to suffer the path out of hell. The longer you stay there the more brain cells you lose and the will to fight wither away.

No. 342882

nonas, I’m really struggling and I don’t know where else to turn. I’m diagnosed EDNOS and until about 7 months ago, I had been heavily restricting for more than a year and was significantly underweight. didn’t have access to a scale but based on my measurements and how I’ve looked at other weights, I would estimate about 90-100lbs with most of that being muscle, for me this is about bmi 15.5 Then something flipped and I became a chronic binge eater. I’ve gained 40 lbs which puts me around 135lbs/bmi 22 which is what I weighed before my ed started 3 years ago. I don’t know how to stop binge eating. It’s getting bad. I ate cookies out of my trash yesterday. I feel disgusted with myself and at this point it’s putting my health in danger. I went to a nutritional therapist for 5 months, and a clinical psychologist for 2, but that doesn’t seem to have helped me much. I genuinely do not know where else to turn. I want to get better. Please let me know if you have any advice, or if anyone has gone through similar things.

No. 342883

This might sound obvious to you (sorry if so) but it's likely because you have an unhealthy relationship with food in general. Once you develop a "switch" where you go from 0 to 100, it's very hard to get that back to 50. I'm sorry psychologists haven't been helping you much. Are you an anxious eater? If so, maybe stocking up on low cal snacks that are "okay" to binge will signal to your brain that you don't have to restrict, but without the issue of becoming overweight enough to trigger another downspiral. I'm sorry nona, I know this is really hard to deal with, but I hope you feel better soon.

No. 342894

I’ve come to a point where it feels like recovery is impossible for me and I hate it, I hate living like this but it’s so fucking bleak I don’t think I’ll ever be able to recover. This illness is going to kill me.

Anyone else who is in recovery or recovered feel this way…?

No. 342954

if i still get disturbing wet dreams despite my sex drive being deadened by my ed, think how it will be if i ever gain weight…

No. 343420

Long term you need to get down to the root of the issue. Trauma, depression, other mental disorders, whatever is the actual cause of your ED. Short term, try to identify your triggers. When you want to binge, feel the first hint of the urge stop and asses your feelings. Write down whether your anxious, sad, angry, bored. Then deal with each in a more productive way, distract yourself. You can also try "riding the wave". Basically just postpone the binge for 5 or 10 minutes. Feel your feelings, ride them out. Remind yourself a binge won't make your feelings go away, it won't solve the problems you're running away from.

No. 343424

My hair is falling out again. I didn't think I've been restricting that badly but I guess I had some lapses in judgement lately. In winter/early spring my weight hovered around a barely healthy bmi but I felt great, looked good and my hair was recovering. For the last 3 months I've been maintaining a slightly lower weight, 2-3kg less at most but it seems like it's already taking a toll on me. But it's like this mental block won't let me get past a certain number. I don't know what to do.

No. 343430

have you tried throwing out your scale and switching to obsessing over and tracking measurements, or would that be even worse?

No. 343472

I might give that a try. At my worst I never weighed myself but I started to in recovery to make sure I'm maintaining. I don't even want to lose weight, but I'm so scared I won't be able to stop gaining once I start. I feel like I don't know how to maintain a stable weight. In recovery I gained weight easily on a diet that didn't really feel like that much food, now I'm losing even though I don't feel like I'm restricting that much…how the fuck do normal people do this? My pattern the last months has been basically just
>eat more because I know I'm not at my optimal weight
>be fine for a week or so
>see the scale creep up, get scared
>see the scale going down, get scared, vow to eat more
>rinse and repeat

No. 343854

Me >>341105 again. Was doing a little bit better, eating once a day but then tonight I cried and got angry in front of my mum and sister and the guilt was too much so I had a (small) benzo overdose so I can sleep instead of eat. Not planning on weighing myself tomorrow but I will go shopping and buy the nicest food I can find because when I don't eat for 2 days my guilt is alleviated. It's now 2 years since my last period and living every day with the disgusting the abuser in my head. Did I ever do anything so wrong that I deserve to slowly rot from malnutrition?

No. 344216

I binged and I want to kms

No. 344217

it's okay. why did you binge?

No. 344236

I had a shit day and craved something. I just wanted to feel something. I've been so lonely and miserable. I almost stopped like 3 times but the 'fuck it, enjoy this fleeting moment of satisfaction' mindset kicked in.

No. 344679

This is >>342882
Thank you to everyone here for even just acknowledging this, getting it off of my chest and knowing that people are going through similar things has really helped. In the two weeks or so since I posted, I’ve been working hard to treat my body and my mind better. I’ve started therapy again (I had gone without therapy for three months) and I’m feeling hopeful. I wish recovery, and safety, to everyone here.

No. 345114

i smell like shit. even right after showering, after two showers there is this awful smell lingering on my skin, i try to eat more so i wouldn't smell like a corpse but i just always end up realizing that i haven't actually eaten enough at all. how long does it take for the body to get rid of this ketosis smell or whatever this is

No. 345122

Idk but I had two anachan people I knew and the smell would appear very easily like once they skipped a few meals, the smell would be there. Try to keep your blood sugar level stable, ketosis happens when there isn't enough sugar so your body uses alternative resources. It usually sticks to your breath, sweat and piss so you can maybe try washing up and brushing your teeth.

No. 345135

>we are in our 20s
You sure? This reads like teenage blogposting. I'm sorry about your friend, but you more than likely had nothing to do with it. Take a step back and try to figure out why it worries you so much that an offhand comment you made years ago might have had anything to do with her disordered eating.

No. 345998

my coworker/teammate that i work alone with every day is a typical chronically online munchie who has self-id’d autism and a bunch of other illnesses, and recently they’ve started claiming they have an eating disorder and I really cannot tell if I’m being self-absorbed thinking they’re trying to compete with me or something. I’ve never talked about my mental health with them despite them traumadumping to me constantly but i think they’ve noticed things bc I usually don’t eat during our 8 hours shifts and went through a phase of purging at work and they offered me gum after I came back a few times because I fucking stink like puke. i know they don’t have any eating disorder, their symptoms are all autism larps like ‘texture’ and ‘forgetting to eat’ and they eat SO much every shift like not a day goes buy where they don’t go to Starbucks and get a sugary drink like tea or even a venti whipped cream frappe and fatty sandwich. I shouldn’t let it bother me but I just have this huge urge to either one up them or just make them feel like shit for pretending when I’m actually dealing with this shit and it sucks. i get satisfaction over people thinking I’m sick/being worried about me as well so sometimes I fantasize about passing out at work and making them feel like an asshole.

No. 347265

What counts as a proper relapse? I think I might've relapsed this week.

No. 347266

So this mentally ill person(muchie is a mental disorder as well) tried to help you disguise the scent of puke on you and try to talk about their own issues to relate to you and now you're obsessing over what they eat and want to faint for attention? What will you gain from that? What's going to happen when you overhear your colleagues discuss your smell and the fact that you can't even stay awake because of your habits? Please seek help.

No. 347297

I feel way too fucking old to have an ED. I was a fat teenager and on the higher side of a healthy weight for most of uni. When I actually think about it, it's really pathetic that I let things get this far.

No. 347300

To me it wouldn't be a specific behavior but the thought behind it. Skipping meals because you're busy vs skipping meals because you feel miserable/depressed/not deserving of food or whatever. Hope you're better nonnie.

No. 347305

Thank you, then I guess I really did relapse (binge/purge, obsessively weighing myself, etc).
I just wanted to lose some weight in a healthy way and not this shit again

No. 347314

I'm sorry anon. I don't know what to tell you, I always struggled with that too. If you have the resources, a doctor/therapist/dietician could help you create a strategy plan for healthy weight loss. But remember that anything is better than indulging your ED. It's not worth going down that road.

No. 347383

I already am visiting a therapist but since there are other major issues in my life going on right now (which could very well be the cause of my ED and some other self-destructive behaviours relapsing) I don't think it'll be dealt with soon. Thank you for your support nona.

No. 364113

Officially gained 2kg and I want to kill myself. Not because it's a huge amount of weight but because I'm scared it won't stop. With my mom in the hospital I don't have time for exercise and my ED pivoted to binge eating. This is horrible but hoping and praying I swing back to restriction and relapse.

No. 364256

is there a way to undo the hairloss thats caused by anorexia

No. 364257


No. 364261

im at an healthy weight now but its not come back fully still.

No. 364263

Biotin supplements. Don't remember which ones I took but they definitely helped. Then again I don't know how serious your hairloss is nonna. Best wishes

No. 364270

Thyroid/hormone check up.

No. 364271

File: 1702223262705.jpeg (119.44 KB, 1179x786, IMG_6605.jpeg)

I ate a can of sardines (picrel) or a kipper snack every day for a year and a half and my hair grew a full foot and stopped breaking so it might be worth looking into. Biotin breaks me out by itself but I took prenatal vitamins for six months during that time which might have helped too (I wasn’t trying to conceive I just wanted to try it, I think it had limited impact though.) I also did scalp massages but not very consistently. I suspect there’s a diet-based solution to your problem but it would be worth consulting a doctor for real advice and to know if you have the type of hair loss that’s not reversible.

No. 364292

stop replying if you havent been anorexic. hair fell out during and grows back whenever I eat better. i get check ups regularly so its neither of those.
Tysm for the replies anons! I'll try supplements

No. 364299

The fish worked much better than supplements for me when I compared photos from the time period I was consuming each. I only stopped eating it daily because I didn’t want to give myself heavy metal poisoning or something lol

No. 364311

ill try that then, thanks! will check next time i go shopping. maybe you were low on omega oils? i dont know other stuff fish might have

No. 364391

Well fuck you too. Anorexia messed with my hormones and thyroid function to the point it made my hair fall out, and it didn't stop until I got on meds, no matter what or how much I ate or didnt.

No. 364395

I feel like hair growth is different for everyone, for me it didn't stop falling out even when I started recovery..hoping it grows back soon though.
Speaking of, how long did it take for your periods to come back after starting recovery nonnies, I'm trying my best but it still hasn't returned?

No. 364438

It took me two years. But it included two rounds of hrt, getting on the pill, taking levothyroxine for a year and a half, getting to a healthy bmi and eating more carbs. I've noticed that as soon as I kick or reduce bread and rice my period disappears. My period first came back right after being sick bed for a week when I lived off of toast, crackers, rice and chicken soup.

No. 367998

I wish I could enjoy food again.

No. 368715

I recovered from my anorexia, was enjoying gaining weight, feeling healthy and how much better my body looked with some weight on it. Then I got an still unknown autoimmune illnes that made me unable to eat 99% of foods and I've lost all the weight again. Lol. lmao. The universe sure is funny.

No. 370056

Even though I’m in recovery I still feel so awful. Constant body aches, seeing stars when I stand up, constantly cold and purple hands and feet, no energy, weakness, dizzy all the time etc. I’ve been taking multivitamins for months and always eat lots of veggies, red meat and fruit so I don’t know what’s happening.

No. 370147

I’m sorry I can’t offer much advice except if you can it might be a good idea to have your bloods routinely checked. If it’s okay to ask though, what prompted you to try recovering? I have the same symptoms you do and have been relapsed for >2 years now. I’m turning 30 in 2024 and hate living like this but keep clinging to my AN because I feel like it’s all I’m good at

No. 370242

Over the last couple months I’ve had to get like 10 blood tests so I think that might be it. All my bloods come back as normal but they did tell me my ferritin was the tiniest bit low. My symptoms seem to be disproportionately severe for some reason. Also I’ve only been in recovery for nearly a year so far, and will probably relapse again soon because I’m under immense mental stress atm and can’t really cope. I guess I’ll just have to keep taking vitamins and get my iron up.

No. 370282

You might want to add more salt to your diet, and add some slow release carbs like oatmeal to your diet. The stress is definitely impacting you negatively too. Keep going nona, you're incredibly strong for going through recovery, I promise you can get through this.

No. 370338

>Turns down plans with my friends to hang out at his work on new Year's Eve and be present for him
>Puts fresh sheets on the bed that we share so we can wake up in a fresh bed on the first day of the year
>Stocks brunch foods in our shared frig so we can have a nice brunch on the first day of the year
>Puts on The Good Panties and matching bra before heading out

>Chooses to hang out with his work friends all night
>Will not come home with me
>Tells me it's my fault I got harassed on th train home

Lol ok

No. 370523

sometimes its better to take induvidual vitamin pills instead of a multi vitamin becaause of the absorbency, do some research and see what you think is best for yourself but i'd recommend vitamin D and vitamin B complex

No. 371752

File: 1704628145084.jpg (23.7 KB, 500x361, 4d7a9b73d48b6e56754ee57688cd33…)

my energy levels are lower than ever lately. i wake up early and take care of my tasks for the day, but by noon i end up stuck in bed or on the couch for the remainder of the day. i sleep for about nine hours now. i've lost count of how many times i've gotten sick over the past year. i'm weak and shaky all the time and the only thing that makes it any better is eating something more substantial than my typical diet but afterwards the guilt and panic makes me feel disgusted with myself. i know i need to go to the doctor and get bloodwork done but the thought terrifies me.

No. 371979

i just spent $75 on fiber one bars and that was after trimming down my cart. no, I am not that wealthy, it is a very poor financial decision.

No. 373074

finally getting help. i filled out the paperwork needed for counseling today and am gonna call about making an appointment on monday. i've had major issues with eating and extreme anxiety surrounding it since i was about 13, and i'm 19 now. but for the past year and a half its been at its worst. i don't think i have an ed, more so just disordered eating. if i have a few rough days emotionally i will either not eat or eat very very little, and will gag on food, which in turn makes me even more anxious because i'm not eating. i fucking hate it and don't want to be like this anymore. i'm tired. not even sure why i'm posting this but i wanted to put it somewhere, i guess.

No. 373104

I can't eat. My boyfriend broke up with me 4 days ago. I'm so depressed. I need help. I was throwing up green bile today and I have no one. I am so alone. I am relapsing. Life hurts.

No. 373525

nonas in recovery, do any of you have trouble eating in front of others? its to the point where i can't really go out to restaurants anymore, since any appetite i had instantly goes away when i start to eat. how do i fix this?

No. 373725

I talked to a doctor about binge eating she did a blood and urine test and we have a follow up next week. I was scared she wouldn’t take me seriously but it seems like she’s actually invested in finding out what’s up with me and she referred me to a therapist. Has anyone else talked to a doctor for it. What should I expect?

No. 373731

File: 1705363503593.jpg (35.16 KB, 736x481, 1233.jpg)

Nonna I'm the same, my advice would be to start eating with people you trust, could be friends/family etc.(would be better if they knew about your condition beforehand but its okay if you want to keep it to yourself.) from there on you can slowly get used to social eating and get over your fear. Hope this helps, we can get over this together!

No. 378452

Does anyone see a therapist who specializes in eating disorders? Has anyone done an IOP-type program as an adult? I'm not sure if it's worth it but my thinking has gotten so obsessive lately, like the worst it's been in years.
Also, does anyone have the impression that a lot of therapy in general is rejecting harsh truths and choosing to believe nice-sounding lies (cope)? I'm afraid it can't help me because of that.

No. 378453

I did 10-12 weeks of IOP when I was 26, best decision ever. I remember hating it and being frustrated by it but I did what they said and I got better so I have no complaints. I had to pay mostly out of pocket and it cost like $3500 so I swore I wouldn't relapse because I couldn't stand the thought of paying that again.
> does anyone have the impression that a lot of therapy in general is rejecting harsh truths and choosing to believe nice-sounding lies (cope)?
Not in the program I was in, they were actually kinda harsh and straightforward with facts about how it was disordered thinking and there are other coping mechanisms and the ways the ED seriously harms you and that you have to stop. They didn't even push drugs on me because I said I wan't interested.

No. 378471

Thank you for sharing your experience. I'm glad it was a good experience and that makes me really hopeful. Just messaged a therapist about starting with them but I'm pretty sure I will need a higher level of care.

No. 385148

Whenever I have to prepare food or eat I get the worst tension in my jaw and head area, it’s hard to describe but feels like my whole head is seizing up and being squeezed in a way that isn’t painful but feels like loads of pressure. I’m >2 years into a relapse and this is really hindering my recovery, receiving minimum professional help despite being over 10kg underweight. I don’t even care about losing weight anymore but I can’t seem to gain any because I’ve been fasting due to the extreme stress I go through at mealtimes. More than anything I want to relieve the tension so I can eat in relative peace, right now the only thing that helps is benzodiazepines. Anons do you have any advice?

No. 385205

Does your jaw lock or is it just tension, is there ever pain?

No. 385244

I don't have any medical advice but wtf just reading this makes me want to cry for you anon. You can't fast. You need to at least find some liquid calories that you can consume.

No. 385325

when does this shit end? i have been doing this crap for over 20 years. i've managed to get myself into healthy weight, i'm highest weight in my life at 18, but i wake up in the morning and cry when i see my body. i will never achieve my dream body from just losing weight alone, i lost this fight at birth, i've gone the spoop route but i will never get rid of my hips, breasts, etc latter always comes back first, i hate my feminine body, i wish i was shapeless and nothing.

No. 394309

File: 1714329878367.gif (2.6 MB, 275x202, 1652898725863.gif)

I gained 4 lbs and I'm so fucking suicidal. It is finals week and I need to hunker down and do my work but holy fuck I cannot stop thinking about it. And the weather is getting a lot warmer and I'm not going to be able to cover my body. God I hate myself so much.

No. 399875

File: 1716371315414.gif (58.24 KB, 200x149, 200w.gif)

I hate hate HATE having an ed man. Fuck all those pro-ana wannarexics who glamorise this shit all this brings is utter misery. The incessant panic, suicidality, guilt and compulsion over something like a fuckin sushi roll that you end up throwing up anyway. The guilt I feel knowing Im actively damaging my body every day plus all the effects from simply being underweight. Not being able to go to restaurant and socialise like a normie. I just wanna wake up fucking normal please god let me eat my sushi without wanting to die. I dont even wanna lose anymore weight but Im just incapable of eating enough not to.

No. 399886

Have you considered slowly migrating your tendencies toward ortho? I know it’s still unhealthy but it worked for me. I’m able to maintain a certain weight and nobody gives me shit. Plus all the exercise really did help my brain. Trust me I thought I was a lifer too, I thought I’d always see myself through the most distorted awful lens. Macros are also a way to restrict while being somewhat healthy (depending on how you do them) if that’s something you’d want to do.

No. 400494

What is it called when you eat 6-800 calories of junk food twice a week and nothing else? That's what I'm doing now and it's making me feel like shit. It's probably the processed crap doing a number on my brain, but few things make endorphins flow like a quick punch of salt or sugar.

I have issues with food but I do not claim an eating disorder, nor do I want to because the last thing I want is to be forced to gain weight to satisfy the fatpilled doctors in this country. I tried to broach the topic with my physician's nurse only to be told to stop losing weight. Now my psych is on the same bullshit, threatening to pull me from my current meds if I lose too much weight. It's not fair that I'm being punished for trying to make my body look the way I like. It's as if vanity weight and HAES only applies to landwhales. I can't even talk to my therapist about it because she's a big person and the last time I tried that (thinking, you know, they were gonna be professional and compassionate) they got defensive about eating and weight loss.

I'm trying to feel better about my body as it is, but my sister has been really nasty about it as well. Earlier this week she asked me if I got off on asking for the smallest sizes while clothes shopping and told our mother that I'm becoming ana. It's fucked because we have a big age gap and she's never been like this towards me before. It's not like we're similar age sisters who compete. It's also hypocritical because she's barely larger than me and eats a way more restrictive diet. I grew up watching her skip meals for days at a time because she doesn't eat animal products. I'm not nearly as thin as I want to be but everyone in my life treats me like Eugenia Cooney. It drives me mad because I know none of it's coming from a place of health or concern. They just want to be nosy and control me. I'm sick and fucking tired of being told that everything I do is somehow wrong.

No. 400507

It sounds like you’re legitimately anorexic. I hope you get help yourself before it’s forced on you. Do you know what’s driving you to do this?

No. 400544

I just want to look better in my clothes tbh. I also want something in my life that's just for me.

No. 409599

my boyfriend and my therapist are convinced i have an ed, but what if i am just trying to lose weight in a more intense way and nothing else?

i have gone from around 123 lbs to 107 lbs in the last 2.5 months, with fasting mainly. i do intermittent fasts so i haven’t had a meal before 5pm anytime (literally not once) in the last two months. i do eat a lot when i break my fasts though. i do 48-hour fasts as well and have also been running and walking to exercise.

i am very obsessive about my fasting and track all of it, but i have ocd and autism and just generally like to keep track of things. my goal weight is 95 lbs which is somewhat underweight for my height (5’4), but i think it’s reasonable because at this point i still see no difference in my appearance. once i reach my goal weight, i’ll be much less intense with my fasting and just try to maintain, possibly focus more on running performance.

i'm intense and have an addictive personality so i get caught up in this stuff, but i just can’t accept i have an eating disorder. i don’t have any weight-related fears, in fact i think i looked really good at my starting weight. but, i know how this comes off…

No. 409618

I'm not anywhere near the weight I want to be, but one perk of having my particular flavor of chronic illness is the weight loss and lack of appetite. If I could force myself to work out just a little it would do wonders for me. I've been eating the same safe foods every day, but the sugar cravings are ridiculous. I want a candy bar every five fucking minutes so I buy honey granola to munch on when I'm at home, only allowing myself sweets when I leave the house. Which is close to never.

No. 409622

yes, it's disordered eating regardless of the motivation or state of mind (feeling fine and knowing what your doing), plus your goal weight is ana tier. you seem analytical and persistent so I would just re-focus that attention to nutrition and hitting goals for macros and nutrients, with less frequent fasts. I'd consider your current weight the goal fulfilled, personally.

No. 409671

The part where you lost 13% of your body weight in 2.5 months and don’t see a difference and you think it’s as simple as losing more weight through fasting to get to the look you want… is what says ED to me but I’m not a doctor.

No. 409762

Lol 95 lbs is ana tier for 5'4''. If you have a skeletal frame that is just wide, no amount of weight loss will help, but you also sound dysphoric asf so you may just be project your issues onto your body. You should focus more on lifting weights if you still think you look skinnyfat.

No. 409858

hey ladies, just stopping by for some unsolicited advice to dump in this ED thread: I was the most bulimic bitch in New England until I started taking Prozac. It legitimately worked. I haven't purged in 2 years. And if you can stomach the emotional pain of gaining before you lose, I would highly recommend it. All the weight that I "gained" (poop, water, extra food, salt) and the fat I actually gained from binging without the purging went away once I stopped binging (prozac took away the ocd/anxiety fueled feelings that led me to feel like I "had" to restrict or I "had" to binge) … be warned, I was an eating machine for around 4 months. But… I am no more. Signed, a bitch who just ate a piece of strawberry cake and doesn't want to kill herself or think the world is ending because of it.

No. 409902

File: 1719532888297.jpg (330.77 KB, 718x719, 1691377455333.jpg)

i am suffering sm as an an b/p

Anorexic restrictive subtypes have it so easy compared to anorexic bulimics

>can date cause moids fetisize you not eating but are grossed from puke therefore i will never get a bf

>everyone thinks puking is something we just do cause we gross with no self control meanwhile for me it is literally the only joy i have in life and would kill myself without it
>if i lose my teeth it will be funny to people meanwhile an recovery is glorified

what even is the point might aswell kms tbh (not really mods)

No. 410022

Don’t brush your teeth without first neutralizing the acid and you will experience less tooth damage. You have to do a baking soda rinse or something and then brush, otherwise you’re just brushing with acid and accelerating the damage, especially if you brush vigorously. If you threw up somewhere you don’t have a baking soda rinse on hand then rinse with water very thoroughly and then brush very gently. Just FYI in case you didn’t know, trying to help with damage control if I can. Use a fluoride toothpaste. Dental damage can not be reversed it can only be prevented.
You have to figure out how to stop it’s really bad for your heart to purge.

No. 410025

File: 1719577616352.jpeg (673.81 KB, 1179x1518, IMG_3471.jpeg)

Self-help resource: https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself/Disordered-Eating
If you do the whole workbook it’s like going to outpatient for free in your own home.

No. 410028

Just saying it is not a good thing if a moid fetishises your mental illness. Those are the most degenerate dangerous kind of scrotes.

No. 410052

i agree but there does not seem to be such a thing as a guy who would love you regardless of your body/ed

i know but thank you still. Well i do not see how since nothing in life makes me happy other than it

No. 410064

File: 1719589461309.jpeg (43.04 KB, 719x438, IMG_3646.jpeg)

I feel like utter shit right now, I don’t know how I can fix this or even approach this topic

>me and childhood best friend have always been disordered since about age 10

>me binging, her anorexia
>as such I was always overweight growing up, her underweight
>our parents, teachers, friends, everyone at school would comment on this
>this was a source of tension but I just swallowed the humiliation, and I knew Ana competitive so I knew she was enjoyed it- but I never blamed her for it.
>it was unspoken mostly until about age 15, we breached the subject sometimes but it was always too raw and we’d just pretend it wasn’t there
>spend every second of the day with eachother, so we know eachothers are eating habits intimately
>for instance a fun day out would include me overeating and her not eating at all
>we both have a really deep bond because we both went through CSA as young children, even before we recognized the trauma in ourselves we both saw it in eachother.
>I saw that to emphasize that we are very very close and our emotions run high with eachother
>I also need to add our relationship has always been in the flavor of “codependent homoerotic female friendship” because we’ve danced that line a lot and that adds another layer to this, the romantic/sexual tension hasn’t always been there
Now we are both about to be sophomores in college. our lives have obviously changed a lot and he haven’t eachother in person since the fall semester, now it’s about to be summer.
>the stress of life and addiction have made me hate eating and obsess over weight loss, making me go from 180 and 5’9 to 115 during the spring semester
>my mom, who has been an untreated Ana her whole life and hated me for being fat growing up made me see a doctor and get diagnosed
>I refused treatment
>I see her and she visibly looks like she gained like, 50-60
>the most intense staring you’ll ever see commences
>shit was so uncomfortable because we danced around our EDs our whole lives, but now it’s like glaring down the barrel of a gun, there’s no choice but to say something when it’s so uncomfortably obvious
>our relationship got soooo strained and she stopped talking to me as much, every conversation suddenly our effortless comfort and psychic abilities to understand eachother goes away
>hanging out with eachother is like eating nails when we eat because I don’t eat anything while we go out and she is eating way more than she usually did, and overeats a lot when we go out while I don’t eat. This is just emphasizing our insecurities and it’s just awful it’s fucking awful.
I’m venting here because I really, really don’t know what to do
>recently her fuck ass brother made fun of her weight and eating in front of me and she started crying
>I started yelling at him
>and there was a whole confession from her after me and him duked it out
>confessed everything about the anorexia growing up, told be her eating less than me made her happy in a fucked up way
>she said she gained 75 pounds and she wants to kill herself over it
>I comforted her, obviously and hugged her and told her that eating shit is hard and you’ll get through this and I want her to get better and that I don’t resent her for the Ana thing at all
>we were chill for a minute, but she’s back to ignoring me
I’m scared she thinks I’m a hypocrite for not admitting up to my own shit in that convo, or worse the competitive ED brain is making her not like me for “taking the spot” of being underweight.
>the worst part of this all, and the part that is making me want to put a gun in my mouth is my obsession over my weight IS making me gleeful that I’m smaller than her, that I eat the least out of all my friends, it’s really retarded and I know it’s the stupid anorexia mindset so I stamp it down and logic it away but the feelings are still there. I feel so fucking awful I’m being sadistic over this situation, my most beloved person is suffering and apart of me feels satisfaction in the circumstances. I hate myself.
That conversation we had recently was the first time we used explicit language to talk about our EDs, I want to be more Frank with her and just say “I was a binger and now I’m anorexic and this fucking sucks” but I don’t know how without making her uncomfortable. Everything else in our lives we have shared but this is like torture.

No. 410065

Same fag, sorry for the excessive typos and o another thing I forgot to mention
>my mom brought up the number of weight I lost to my friend while complaining about me, so she knows I’m 115, the weight she was before this all happened
>and after that convo I now know she’s around 180, she’s also 5’0, which is the weight I was before all this happened
>we used to hold hands at school and tell eachother everything and now we can’t look eachtoher in the eye
This is just too fucking messy for me I need to rope

No. 410228

File: 1719635143409.jpg (32.09 KB, 376x490, 37fdac4425cb000645555233d6423b…)

Seriously how do I get a boyfriend as a bulimic who can't recover?

I am older, never been in an relationship and desperate

No. 410275

File: 1719658979556.jpg (95.12 KB, 1000x750, Ice+Spice+is+all+types+of+self…)

I'm built like ice spice when I want to be built like Emily rajatakowski or something
I'm also pale so i look more fat, and I don't want to do spray tan just to look thinner
Girls with my body type are usually Latina or black so I feel like I just look off being pale and white with that body shape
I look like I'm meant to be skinny and flat
Does anyone else feel like a lot of their ed comes from the desire to be able to wear clothes without looking vulgar because of their huge ass or tits drawing attention? It seems like very thin women just automatically look classy even in revealing clothing. I look like a popped can of biscuits and while I can recognize that an hourglass body type is appreciated by some, it's mostly sexualized and seen as vulgar, which is the opposite of my personal style and how i want to present myself.

No. 410352

I'm sorry anon, this sounds really hard and I don't blame you for being overwhelmed. I think it would help to have an honest conversation with her about everything, you're probably right in that she felt rejected when you weren't open with her in return. It certainly can't hurt the situation. Just make sure she knows how much she means to you and don't be afraid to tell her the truth, she knows it already she just needs to hear it from your mouth. I'm rooting for you both, good luck ♥

No. 410437

There’s lots of men who have a puke fetish, you’ll just have to deal with the fact they’re disgusting lowlifes too

No. 410449

All female body types are sexualized by men you retard

No. 410453

why are you comparing me to them and calling me a lowlife when i am actually cursed and can not stop,whenever i try to recover i genuinly want to kms cause life has no joy anymore and have no access to good therapy. Like i get it you are born lucky good for you

No. 410454

She wasn’t comparing you to them you did that on your own. If you re-read it without think it’s about you it makes sense. The “too” is superfluous.

No. 410476

well i am a grammar retard then sorry

No. 411706

I’m trying to lose the weight I’ve accumulated from no longer being in poverty and binge eating on and off over the last 7 years and I just can’t do it in a mentally healthy way. I feel like it’s never going to happen because to lose weight I have to eat such a small amount of calories per day due to extremely short stature. I go through cycles of not eating at all because it feels better than only eating 900cals a day and feeling extremely unfulfilled, jealous of others, and bitter. After weeks or months of this I end up caving and binging again because it all feels so fruitless to be unable to eat like a normal sized person if I don’t want to be very overweight or obese.
I truly cannot eat very much food at all compared to the vast majority of people on earth if I want to be at a healthy weight. And no appetite and satiety are NOT relative to size I’m so tired of people trying to get me to believe this. Most deserts and pastas are a NO GO for me because of this. It just eats up all of my calories for the day immediately unless I’m eating a very small pathetic amount. Who only wants to have a few bites of cake? A fistful of penne? Two ravioli, no butter?
I am so spiteful of this reality that it fuels my binging even more. I want to have pleasures in life. I want to eat the delicious meals I cook and bake because I’m such an amazing chef and so good at combining flavors and coming up with new dishes and recipes. It’s the one thing I have true talent for and comes naturally to me. I’m shit at everything else but that.
I want my life to be full of pleasure and sensory decadence and that includes food. I don’t want to be confined to only eating meat and vegetables. I want to make beautiful and exciting meals and enjoy them alongside my family.
It all feels so unfair to have these talents but to be so short that I gain if I eat over 1100 calories a day. No I don’t have time to dedicate an hour of workout to bump that up. I take care of small children and elderly people who constantly need me to be attentive and present. At my height I burn a pathetic amount of calories per hour anyway. Even when I was a runner and doing HIIT I still could not eat much more without nullifying the energy burned.
I wish I could be okay with my body at any weight instead of feeling shame almost every waking moment. I’ve tried radical acceptance of being overweight forever. I just can’t accept it no matter how hard I try. I’m trying to be patient and kind to myself and it’s just so hard. I’m so mentally exhausted by all of this.
I’m in a constant fluctuation of I hate food I love food I hate food I love food I hate food I love food.
I often wonder if I would even have an eating disorder if I was a normal height for an adult. I just feel so alone in this and can’t talk to anyone about it who can relate or understand because I’ve never even met an adult who is my height or close. Even kids can eat more than I can because they are rapidly growing and using up the energy. It’s all just so frustrating and all consuming in my mind I just want to exist happily without all of these thoughts swirling around in my head revolving around food and weight.
I just want peace from all of this stress I cause myself through disordered behaviors and thought patterns. I guess the first step was to admit that I have these issues in the first place. I really want to heal but I don’t know how.

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