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No. 314525
Share tips, vent, advice, similar experiences, how to get out of such a rut, what can be changed, what helped you personally, where to meet women you can relate to.
This thread is for:
-those of us who spent our formative years on 4chan/other male dominated spaces and got internet poisoning from it
-those of us who realised men aren't your friends but are now alone
-gender dysphoric women especially socially dysphoric
-ex-TIFs who have come to terms with being female but are now adrift
-those of us who are gender non-conforming in personality, not only appearance
-assorted spergs/speds who have difficulty understanding social norms, unwritten rules, tone of voice, and reading between the lines
-low-empathy or low EQ women
-general loners and NEETs
This thread is NOT for humblebragging about how cool and rational and edgy you are. Please.
For example, I find it difficult to tell lies, even white lies. When I lie it's so obvious it makes it worse. All my friendships with men ended for obvious reasons. I would genuinely like to make female friends so hopefully we can help each other.
No. 314527
File: 1677507009423.png (532.3 KB, 1242x993, tumblr.png)
>>314525samefagging to add a screenshot I find relatable
No. 314533
>>314528So what behavior did you emulate growing up? People see gender-nonconforming and call you masculine. It's what they do. You can not be an autist and be stereotypically feminine.
You can femininize what you do though so you're never taken for someone masculine.
I like being gender nonconforming and don't care if people see me as having so called "masculine" traits. But I call them gnc and forget the rest.
No. 314535
>>314533Yeah, I sometimes feel as though I have gender dysphoria despite being a biological female. Oddly enough I enjoy dressing up and the like. The second I start talking I out myself though.
Can you elaborate on feminizing what you do? How do you do this without coming off as contrived or fake?
No. 314536
>>314527I never experienced this growing up either. There was a lot of gendernonconforming around me though. Sports people, punk girls. I just never felt obsessed over by anybody.
This does not have to be a thing you internalize. Frankly those girls from the quote just sound overbearing and tedious and I would have treated them that way if they were caustically in my face. I wouldnt let them hear the end of it either . It's like why would they be so obsessed with me anyway?? Isn't it more like jealousy I don't feel bound to performing the role they're stuck in?? Most likely
No. 314537
>>314535If you enjoy it then it's not fake. How you dress, how you talk, how you use your voice.
As long as you enjoy it that's all that matters.
No. 314538
Alright. Step one is learning to respect and appreciate the women around you. Every time you think that poisonous shit, stop yourself and look at that critically. Maybe she's being inept or dumb but are you being too hard on her? Things like that. Start thinking of positive observations about women when you catch yourself in some misogynistic train of thought as well, counteract the negative by force of will. Especially getting rid of the "women are worse towards women than men are" notion because it's not true at all. When women are being misogynistic it hurts more but they're only doing it because of the same shit you went through. They internalized hatred of themselves and are trying to gain social capital by being competitive. Forgive that stuff, make bonds anyway. A lot of women are in the same boat as you, there is a way to reach them and save yourself along the way. Basically if you can appreciate things bout them, those things you have in common will in time allow you to appreciate yourself too.
As for the gnc side of it, you're going to have to learn some self respect. I don't recommend presenting in ways that aren't natural personally, it catches up to you because whatever validation you get from presenting masc or fem is not based in reality. You'll continue to feel like an impostor. Rationally it's easy to grasp that the "failure" to conform is not really failure, these are just made-up standards that you don't conform to. Emotionally it's not something you can will yourself into not caring however emotions are emotions and you do not have to act on them. So don't apologize for simply being seen as "masculine" or whatever, don't make yourself smaller in situations where you aren't in survival mode (like at a job). If the social situation is entirely optional and going in a hostile direction, get the fuck out. Burn the bridge if you have to, be firm. You can't let people talk to you in a disrespectful way. Circling back to the first point, learn to appreciate other gnc women and let your appreciation of them uplift you. It totally rubs off.
I don't have a ton of advice for the autism although I have it as well. I will say though being completely open and upfront about your struggle to understand tone/subtext (including reading too much into things) is helpful and women generally have a high tolerance for quirks, much more accepting than men actually. If you can continue to communicate when you get stuck, a female friend will empathize and appreciate the work you put into it. Can't stress this enough, women are completely worth communicating openly with. Emotional availability is our strongest asset in making bonds. Be available.
No. 314564
This sound boring, but radfem really helped me.
At first I found myself in an online group of the same "femcel, neet, angry and retarded" women, and we were roasting and hating men and this world together.
When we were tired or bored of hate, we remembered that we, actually, are all feminists here and were discussing theory. Fun times.
Anyway, I realised, that I'm not unique, and there are a bunch of women who are like me or share some of my characteristics. You just need to find THAT thing that'll unite you two.
And now I may not relate fully to my friends, and I'm super awkward, but, still, I love them and they love me. I have chosen to love them even if we are different.
No. 314575
>>314564very much so yes, one of the best ways to connect with other humans is having a common enemy
if there isn't one, create one
No. 314585
>>314527Resonate with this screenshot so much. I never really did get a grasp of a lot of resentment and hurt i felt in my teen years because of my inability to fit in, but i feel like being on lolcow unironcally helped me resolve this because for the first time in my life, there has been other women i actually relate with and don't always try to shut me down or treat me like i am annoying. I feel like my experiences attempting to be friends with women has largely been them treating me like the pet retard, i'd sit with the group as they had invited me to be with them, but i was not part of the circle. They all did things without me, they would have their own conversations i was not a a part of, they would manipulate my desperate need to want friends and i have humiliated myself vying for their friendships. I am so happy i learned at a decent age to understand they were not my friends, they saw my retardation and were making fun of me the whole time. Even when i am with my female family members, i get a similar energy from them. They are all perpetually obsessed with trying to make me become a pick-me, which is something i vehemently resisted to the point of getting angry sometimes, this was all before i knew what a pick-me was mind you. I thought being a woman was just a biology reality that really shouldn't matter too much and that a lot of things like makeup or shavings were choices women made for fun, but then i realised that almost everyone sees womanhood as just being about presenting yourself to men in a way that's fuckable and that a lot of women will go out of their way to shame women who attempt to stray from this reality. As a teen, i did develop a violent hatred for women because i was disgusted by the fact that they seemed to have no minds of their own, no personal interests, no personalities outside just wanted men to fuck them. I've learned that i obviously shouldn't see women this way, but even when i am on lolcow i sometimes visit /g/ and see nonnies talking about doing nasty shit like oral on their bf or about their hookups and that deep seated hatred honestly fires up a little. It's never left me. It always comes back with the right set of conditions. I do think that radfem stuff has helped a bit because it does help me divert my anger away from women a bit, but i personally don't agree that women are conditioned to be this way, i think it's a choice and always will, so it will always be there inside me.
No. 314619
>>314585I relate
nonnie. To be honest, you'll find that men are the exact same way you describe women. I feel like it's normie people as a whole you might have problems with, which is understandable. I feel like normal people, man or woman, are both shallow, insufferable, and can be really cruel. Not that ND people are spared from these traits but I find that most ND people are generally more thoughtful and have more empathy, and aren't in general obsessed with powertripping.
No. 314650
File: 1677578437121.jpg (1.6 MB, 1920x2571, 42806534d011650f8983c63706e109…)
A bit ot maybe but I wanted to talk here about how being a lesbian made female relashionship much more difficult, and I wanted to know if anyone could relate.
I use to be a "girl's girl" when I was younger, I was shaped by female friendship and I had extremely codependent relationship with other women. Since I came out as a lesbian, I feel like I have lost such a important pillar in my life. I'm deathly afraid of coming across as creepy to other women, I don't have a gf and I don't really "look like a lesbian" so sometimes women will act around me like I'm straight and it's killing me. I remember when a pretty classmate that I don't know very well huged me a bit suddently. I froze and looked fucking weird and I kept thinking " would she do this if she knew I was gay". Because the truth is, probably not.
The idea that I could be rejected in a platonic way by other women because of my sexuality is so painful that I've now become much more of a loner now. I use to indentlfy as bi ad I can see how differently women react to a bi women and a lesbia women, and it hurts so much.
I put a lot of walls around me because I'm afraid of how women's recation to me, I look and act straight up cold and indifferent now. I just miss contact with other women, the sens of shared experience and the camaderie. I miss it so much. I'm really glad that my best friend is accepting of me but still I can tell that something have change between us, that something is missing.
All of my really strong friendship that I've had when I was younger are tainted now because I feel like I was a gross pervert all along and those precious friend of mine didn't know about it. They invited me to their home and their bedroom, they would change in front of me and tell me very intimate things because they trusted me. Well shit, I'm crying while writting this now, you never really recover from that I think kek.
No. 314660
>>314650>I remember when a pretty classmate that I don't know very well huged me a bit suddently. I froze and looked fucking weird and I kept thinking " would she do this if she knew I was gay". Because the truth is, probably not. God nonna I know that feel. I'm naturally an extremely touchy-feely person and I love platonic hugs and platonic affection but I put on this fake personality where I'm stoic and unfeeling and hate physical contact and socializing. I feel like if I let a woman hug me or even be kind to me/be friends with me I"m doing some kind of rape-by-deception because she probably wouldn't consent to hugging me if she knew I was gay. And even if she knows I'm gay I still can't open up because I feel like deep down she MUST be disgusted with me.
It was rough as a kid. I was a girl's girl too, my female friendships meant a lot to me. Then we started getting older and they started to get interested in boys and they iced me out. It was like they knew I was gay before I knew I was gay. Suddenly I'm not invited to any more birthdays or allowed to sit with anyone at lunch because I didn't talk about boys enough and it made them suspicious.
No. 314700
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i've been friends with women for most of my life. the last male friends i had irl were when i was 10, after that i went to an all girls school and my classes in college and uni were mostly women. i've befriended many men online and most of them were bad experiences, often they either fell for me or acted predatory towards my online girl friends. i still feel very alienated from men irl, they intimidate me and i rarely ever have to speak to them so it feels very odd when i do.
even though i'm so grateful for my female friends and for never having to deal with shitty men irl, i have always felt strange and inadequate around women. i admire the women around me very much, i used to feel jealous of them but this has become admiration. it all may be because i grew up with a mother and sister who adored makeup and "womanly" things and, while i wanted to get into those things, i didn't believe i was pretty enough for it. for a long time i had (and still sort of have) this complex around not being pretty enough to be a woman, so i would act very boyish and reject any "girly" things. i would take a strong interest in male-dominated hobbies and educate myself on media that men love just in case i ever befriended a man and wanted to impress him (terminal case of the nlog). i grew out of this in my late teens and came to embrace everything i ever wanted to be, started wearing makeup and dressing exactly how i wanted to, accepted the "girly" things i love and don't feel any embarrassment about them anymore.
yet i still feel very inadequate. i'm in my early 20s and when i talk to certain women my age, i'm taken aback by how mature they seem and how well they carry themselves. i'm very awkward in the way i speak and i have long suspected i am autistic (it's also been suggested to me by various people i know irl). but whether i am or not, i feel incredibly childish and silly in the way i talk and act and simply am, especially compared to these women who i wish i were like. i was also very sheltered growing up and currently feel like i'm what i should've been when i was 16. it's great that i'm the woman i am now but i feel so behind. i've always felt this way. in college, in my teens, when i'd talk to certain girls my age i could feel their judgement so strongly because i reeked so heavily of being inexperienced. to this day i get assumed to be younger and i'm guessing it is a mix of my looks and the way i act and my quietness maybe, i just don't exude any maturity until i actually get into a conversation.
i almost feel irritated because many times in my life i've been told by people close to me that i come off very cool, that i am pretty, that i am wonderful in various ways and this all gives me confidence but then i talk to one beautiful woman or just any man and i feel awful, for very different reasons. i'm never approached by men either, this is something i cannot relate to women around me on at all. i'm practically invisible to men and i know it's better this way but god i just feel ugly sometimes (even though i'm not and i know i'm not!).
i wish i weren't this way. i wish i could feel normal for once. i have never felt like i'd be happier as a man, never had any urge to transition but i wish i could feel more comfortable living life as a woman. i deeply wish i could be pretty, really pretty, with natural charisma and some sensuality but i don't have any of these qualities, i think i really come off like a blithering idiot irl. i feel very embarrassed when i remember i exist.
No. 314993
>>314982I'm so happy that therapy helped. I feel like I should also got to therapy for social reasons so you kind of motivated me. For reason very good reasons I don't think I will feel comfortable unloading all my thoughts to a therapist.
What you said about having mistrust about your friends is so relatable. Doubly so when I feel like I do have actual reasons to mistrust them. I keep telling myself that no one is perfect or to stop reading too much into their behaviours/what they say but it just eats me up on the inside.
>t feels like I'm "cosplaying" being a good friend, like literally having to talk to myself like "ah friend is sad, I've seen on media that offering to bring a small gift/ask if they need help is what you're supposed to do."This is also very true, I feel so robotic with my interactions with people.
No. 315084
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I don't understand why women protect and defend coomer shit. Why do they claim they are okay with how objectified and sexualized female characters and women in media are. I will not believe they are actually okay with this, but they protect moid shit even in women-only discussions, where there are no scrotes to impress. I guess most straight women are just permanently ruined by pickmeism. I feel like I'm the only woman on earth who wants to stay away from the degenerate male gaze and porn shit.
(The doll is made by Miura Etsuko, her art really depicts my mental state right now)
No. 315086
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>>314982>feels like I'm "cosplaying" being a good friendSame. I'm so broken and scrutinise every interaction. This applies to my relationships with everyone though, not just my friends. I often feel like I'm missing something fundamental everyone else is just born with. I think my boyfriend stays with me because men will put up with pretty much anything as long as you f*ck them, but women pick up on stuff like that easier and I can't… 'fool' them I guess.
No. 315104
>>315019>I often feel like I'm a lot better than other people/women in general >I often ghost people on a whim because I get bored of them easilyI don't want to be mean since rhis is a vent thread and you're just being honest, but it may be this mindset holding you back from connecting.
Indeed it's rare to meet someone who will perfectly match your experience, but it can be satisfying socially to know people who aren't as good as you per se. There can be mutual respect for differences, mutual care, and you can make each other laugh.
Not making a demand that you change and force yourself to be unhappy, but I have also had this mindset and am much happier now that I eased up and opened my heart to people who are struggling with things. It's a relief once you get used to overriding the automatic judgement instinct.
No. 315155
Wow, most of the OP points apply to me. I don't know how many would relate, but realizing I was a lesbian and diagnosed with Autism as a teenager made me feel like I was "a guy inside" but also a "third gender" at the same time. I dealt with forms of abuse and bullying from men and women, which led to being a loner. I think due to having an early puberty, I had a sex drive that I thought was similar to "a guy" (for the record I hate porn and things like that, at most I would be curious about risque scenes in movies and read fics and doujins, draw stuff like that), so I used to have male friends and spend time in moid spaces like 4chan at a young age. But seeing the awful things they would say about women and lesbians scared me, and I stopped having male friends a long time ago. But in school I was suspected of being a lesbian and was outcasted by girls pretty badly for it.
Meanwhile, when I tried to find female spaces online (old school Tumblr was a godsend before the SJW politics took over), I notice a lot of women in them that I otherwise liked and was good friends with were bisexual or straight (which I have no problem with), so it led to this left out feeling of being "the only lesbian" in a lot of friend groups. Having mostly TIF friends as a young adult in fandom spaces also made me gender confused for a period because it planted a seed that these girls, who were otherwise like me, weren't girls anymore after all. I have a theory that this is how I developed gender dysphoria and wished I looked androgynous like I "felt mentally" (past tense beliefs), but before I peaked I always believed in the "Truscum" thing where it was just a mental disorder, so I considered similar to any mental illness/disability I have.
I try to find ways to meet lesbians in real life, and for years I read up on radical feminism and lesbian history, etc., but it kind of strained things for me worst. Therapists I talked to didn't know how to approach it either. I don't consider myself a "pick me" or see myself as better than most women - it's the opposite, honestly. I feel a longing for connection (platonic and otherwise) with women I notice other's have. I'm considered "cool" and likable in real life, but it's mostly masking my personality and being in the closet.
No. 315164
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This is embarrassing to admit, especially here, but growing up I was pretty much the "anime club princess" stereotype (basically nlog egirl before egirls were a thing kek). I was autistic, into jfashion and nerdy hobbies. I was awful at communicating with my female friends; I'd often say something that comes out wrong and hurt someone's feelings or not catch subtle social cues. Once it became obvious I wasn't straight, I suddenly wasn't invited to sleepovers anymore because it would be "weird" and I couldn't compliment a friend without feeling like some sort of sex pest. I became a loner and went full weeb. I'd wear plush backpacks and stuff like picrel to school, to try to become a "character" and make it seem I was a happy, quirky loner. I relate to other anons in that I felt like some weird third gender pet except I tried to embrace it and push it as far as possible. I started hanging out with the sweaty gamer scrotes because we liked the same anime and video games and they also tended to be autists. But of course moids are inherently inferior and watching all my "friends" disappear once they realized they weren't gonna get their dick wet really blackpilled me, I learned to never trust men early kek
No. 315277
>>315211>As a result of that, I've become turned off by the idea of meeting anyone through feminist groups. Reading about radfem ideas really helped me overcome a lot of my internalized misogyny but I just don't know about the people who are deeply invested in that stuff now.Yeah, I went through a period where I really respected radfems, and it resonated with me as an actual lesbian, but when I interacted with a lot of radfems it felt similar to the social ostracization I faced from girls growing up, right down to dealing with a shocking amount of lesbophobia. I agree with radfems on more things than libfems (when it came to the trans issue I was a "Truscum" anyway since I saw my gender dysphoria as a mental disorder), but ultimately what's considered radical feminist in 2023 was basic 101 feminism years ago. It's a very specific belief I don't fit into, besides the basic stuff like "women are female humans". I honestly think the political climate has made things harder for me to make friends and connect with others as a desisted Autistic girl. A decade ago I would be in internet spaces with and have friends with all different kinds of opinions, and we'd be able to openly discuss it without getting a call-out post calling us "
TERF/nazi/etc." and crucified for thought crimes, but now a lot of so-called liberals utilize cult-like dynamics in their friend interactions. It's like I'm too liberal for the conservatives but too "conservative" for liberals. I've chatted with people online since I was a kid, so it's my most "natural" mode of communication, but I feel too terrified to be active on social media and with my hobbies anymore due to black-and-white political thinking.
No. 315317
Im so glad theres a thread and i really relate to this
>>314644 I have male friends as they're easier to talk to and read and they dont get offended. The only issue i have is that my male friends can get quite flirty and sexual with me, luckily i removed those male friends and mainly kept the ones that respect my boundaries. My friend and I both long for a female friendship group and we started to form one, mainly with people who were closer to her than me. However since she passed away the group has broken apart (more like they dont want to hang out with me and avoids inviting me) To be honest i always struggle with female groups and communication, i just dont relate to them and feel like its fake. I think thats why I enjoy the one on one with my female friends though I do wish I had a group to go to events with.
I also try talking on different threads here but like anon says if you deviate from the main beliefs here then you get attack. So I keep it simple and reply here and there.
No. 315569
>>315490Radfems that come at it from a point of objectification trauma basically equate us to men because we "fetishize women" OR they get butthurt when we tell them dating men while being a
radical feminist does not make sense as one of the end goals of radfem is liberation from the male sex. There's not a lot of solidarity to be found between OSA women and lesbians tbh, it's good if we're co-protesting and blowing shit up together but once we get to our world views it comes crashing down. Het/bi radfems often get boyfriends eventually and drop feminism as a hobby. Lesbians though… we always live in the reality of oppression and do not get to bury our heads in the sand from being dickmatized. At some point it gets to be too much to deal with constantly being compared to men
No. 315636
>>315490AYRT, this different anon sums it up
>>315569 but my experience with radfems also seem to put lesbians on a pedestal in a way, they assume that we must be more politically enlightened solely for our sexuality, but then freak out when a lesbian has normie views that aren't completely feminist. While libfem/TRA ideology isn't safe for lesbians at all, being a lesbian isn't inherently radfem/feminist either. Even in the 70s there was a clash between radical feminists and lesbians who lived the butch/femme dynamic because feminists saw that as "trying to act like straight people" and not a survival mechanism. I have trauma with both men and women and don't have a "team loyalty" to the latter because of that, so my sexuality always felt like something I was born with divorced from my social views, since I struggle with connecting to women despite being attracted to them. Sexuality doesn't have any inherent beliefs tied to it (I used to be conservative lmao, so I'd know). I've also dealt with a lot of "sexuality policing" by radfems who have trauma from hypersexual/porn culture (I have trauma with sex positivity too, for the record) for how we experience attraction and have sex; I ran into a lot of weird sex-repulsed polilez types who would get squeamish over sex talk and equate liking boobs to a fetish, or being into sex acts other than basic fingering/oral to be gross kinks on par with BDSM. Obviously not all radfems are like this and they're less lesbophobic compared to libfems who think we should just suck TIM dick, but having all sides assume that I must have certain opinions because of my sexuality is exhausting.
No. 315842
File: 1678277366280.jpg (61.95 KB, 1080x1019, 6e18b27a52f312c6624ba0421c773d…)
I'm unhinged. No I won't elaborate, I just think I'm too cringe for male or female friendships. I wish I had a real irl frienship. Women scare me and I either end up feeling retarded or like I have to be too nice to them. I like when male frienships let me be retarded but it's hard to find a good balanced male friend. They always end up becoming shit after a while lol
No. 315879
>>315830For me I feel like a fundamentally boring person when I pretend to be normal, but my "real self" has less milestones than most women my age so I feel like a loser. I've tried to both make local friends and date as my "normal persona" and it makes me feel like that Spongebob meme where he's round, lmao.
>>315871>>315842I used to get along with guys better for that reason, but male friendships would go sexual half the time. I had guy friends randomly show me porn or hit on me after being in good terms for months. It really sucks as a lesbian since guys will think that's either hot or a challenge.
No. 315889
File: 1678295355839.png (575.22 KB, 960x638, 1671359128272.png)
>>315842samefag. This basically
No. 315893
File: 1678297575296.png (1.18 MB, 750x750, mmo5v2.png)
I hate how hard it's become for me to be fully comfortable around other women. I feel intimidated by them, like they're so much more advanced and have their shit together and they probably think I'm an awkward annoying weirdo. I feel gross and boorish next to them. It's probably also slightly autistic traits that make me insecure about missing certain social cues and not knowing how I'm expected to act.
The weird thing is, I wasn't always like this. I've always been a bit of a weirdo but I never had problems making female friends when I was younger. As a kid and throughout high school most of my friends were girls, and while I was insecure at times about not being as cool or pretty as them, it didn't prevent me from getting along fine.
It was only after high school that I lost contact with my female friends and developed this crippling feeling of inadequacy and alienation towards other women. It's like I unlearned how to act natural around them. With moids it's different, I feel like they're a lot more simple and direct so I don't second-guess how I should act around them. Besides that, it's only moids so it feels like the stakes just aren't as high and I don't care as much about what they think of me.
No. 315915
>>315889I hate this comic so much. I had a cringe NLOG phase but the catalyst for my NLOG phase was being literally told by other girls (and grown adult women ffs) "ew you aren't like us so you're probably a dyke, begone".
Like honestly how are young girls supposed to react to their peers and parents and teachers and media saying "real girls are XYZ, if you aren't XYZ you aren't one of us.".
No. 315968
File: 1678312887176.png (870.68 KB, 1192x798, 34567876543.png)
>>315915>>315931Yeah I don't wanna defend the NLOG mindset because it's still cringe but it doesn't happen in a vacuum. It's like everyone wants to shit on the 'NLOG girl' but nobody wants to talk about how poorly autistic girls and GNC girls get treated before they hit that point.
No. 315994
File: 1678329755046.jpeg (197.19 KB, 1080x1067, DF195A37-A88B-4848-8752-50A844…)
When I was in school I didn’t have real female friends because I was relentlessly bullied to hell and back by both girls and boys, maybe it’s because of the racial aspect that I don’t see it in a “maybe they think I’m a lesbian-way” since I was also very feminine in general even if I’ve always had a weird sense of style.
And maybe I got to trust women because the women of my family are trustworthy in general, and just sightly judgmental.
But I don’t really understand how is interacting with teenage girls an important thing, I spent many years completely alone at school, I only got to have a few “friendships” that were girls using me for the little money and nice things I had or that were lonely and desperate for some friends like me.
But I don’t think I would’ve felt any less depressed or awkward than I am right now.
Honestly? I appreciate the time I was alone even, better than having to deal with toxic losers that were too busy hoping they would get picked and picking apart each other like vultures in the middle of a desert.
I was a NLOG for a long while too, maybe I would’ve skipped that period of my life if I’ve had friends, or maybe it could’ve been worse to me even, with either shitty enabling friends or shitty critical friends.
Maybe it’s my autism speaking (kek) but I will never understand the people that get hung up on both stuff like “gender” or criticism from others, hell, why do we have to give a fuck about shitty people in general? Just mentally block them, change the intrusive thoughts with nice thoughts, remember that maybe you would be a cow with a thread in here, unable to be self-aware, if you were constantly chasing the validation from others.
Like, what’s everyone’s goals? Do you all think you will suddenly get along with all of the women of the world just because you’re a woman too? Or that you will just get a bunch of friends that are dying to hangout with you?
Sometimes you’re just surrounded by shitty people and you have to find a better place, sometimes it’s just that you hate yourself so much that you take whatever opinions from others like gospel, sometimes everyone is just too busy to deal with anyone else.
Seriously, traveling even to other cities or towns of your country may help you open up in many ways, if you have the money try traveling to other countries, if you can’t travel at all, get into volunteering work or try going to some place with free activities if possible.
Just going out and talking to other women will help you notice that not everyone is shitty or just hoping to get something out of you.
Like, maybe the issue isn’t that you don’t “relate” to other women, maybe you just haven’t met any nice person, or even a person that’s willing to have a decent conversation.
I have a friend that’s an enby and we can even talk about feminism and such, I’m not trying to change her and she knows she won’t ever change me, I listen to her and she listens to me.
We have extremely different opinions on many things, but I still love her very much and know that she’s a nice person. And what I mean to say with that is that even if you have completely different personalities, experiences and opinions, you can get along with other women because all you need to do is open your mind, and maybe know that you don’t really need to tell your whole life history to anyone, a friend isn’t a psychologist, nor a mom, a girlfriend or a wife. Like, you can have long lasting friendships even if they’re casual like talking from time to time or meeting every once in a blue moon, maybe you don’t need to relate to everything of a woman’s life, but she’s still a human like you and a woman, she has struggles that will always be similar to yours or even identical. I honestly feel like it isn’t that difficult to click with women once you’re a grown up and you find other women that don’t try to impress anyone or aren’t trying to act like shitty teenage movie characters.
And sometimes you can even find a way to get along with women that didn’t like you at first if you’re mature enough and she’s also mature enough to act like a woman (a real human with thoughts and feelings a.k.a. not a man)
No. 316025
>>315968Man this edit speaks to me on a higher level. From the "try a mommy-daughter makeover date" to "she would be so pretty if she just tried" to "the dyke will rape you in the locker room" one, that's the high school experience for a GNC girl in a nutshell. The original one has a point, but it really rubbed me the wrong way as someone who grew up trying to connect with other girls but got rejected and ostracized by them relentlessly due to being too autistic/antisocial to understand the complicated social games. It's such a fantasy that "other girls" would "just accept you if you gave them a chance" like the original was implying but in truth they would be closer to how they're portrayed as in this edit.
>It's like everyone wants to shit on the 'NLOG girl' but nobody wants to talk about how poorly autistic girls and GNC girls get treated before they hit that point.Exactly. After years of being told that we're quite literally "Not like other girls" we suddenly get shamed for thinking we're different. How could we not? During our formative years we were told to go eat our lunch at the unisex bathroom and no girl wanted to be caught dead being associated simply
because we were "not like other girls". Yet people want to gaslight us into believing that this was all inside our heads and it's actually us who are prejudiced and selfish. I'm glad this happens less and less the older I get since women start unlearning the retarded female socialization the closer they get to 40 but every now and then I come across the kind of woman who clearly has a bad opinion about me based on the homophobic mindset.
No. 316052
>>315968>>315931>>316025I think what aggravates me the most about this acronym is that even if you act super nice, even if you pretend to be interested in mainstream hobbies and never deride them, even if you say nothing to the effect of 'I am different from you', even if you only have positive things to say about other girls you'll still be branded as one based on some intangible 'other' quality people pick up on like blood in the water. As if expressing difference or feeling alienated immediately means you're 'trying too hard to be special'. Simply saying you have a blunt personality or mentioning a band you like- without even talking about other people, just yourself- will get you accusations. I'm sort of over trying to explain, with a million hedging qualifiers, that I'm different but not necessarily in a good way, that I love other women that femininity is great etc because it doesn't work anyway. I also know nobody who finds me weird or off putting would ever go to the bat for me. Maybe this acronym described a certain kind of girl at some point but similar to pick me it's just become a cudgel against anyone you don't like, it sort of feels like telling someone to get back in the bucket. I've seen many hundreds more accusations of being gasp not-like-other-girls than the actual thing. I also wish I were just 'putting it on to seem cool', because I haven't gotten anything out of being this way, not even simps.
inb4 wow anon you're so cool, you're not like other girls!
No. 316054
File: 1678367903184.jpg (38.68 KB, 384x406, 1510503130017.jpg)
>>315968>>315889While I find your edits funny, I hate that original comic so damn much, it was clearly made by someone who has never been bullied or had trouble fitting in. As if all you need for girls to accept you is to simply reach out, lmao good one.
No. 316055
for the other autists in the thread, hopefully some of this advice helps.
>don't try to force yourself into normie spaces
they don't want you there, and you don't truly want to be there either if you are masking. be selective about who you befriend and limit that to people you feel no need to mask around once you get to know them to a reasonable degree. my best friend isn't autistic, but she has silly and weird interests like me and we relate very well to each other.
>limit friendship attempts to people with similar interests
this kind of goes along the same lines as the first point, but trying to befriend someone you have nothing in common with is doomed to fail and only works for moids who are inherently sociopathic and do not care about their friends' personal lives. my best friend and i have common interests (reading, especially reading feminist theory, hatewatching reality tv shows, thrift shopping, we follow a lot of similar cows, visiting local cat cafes etc.) as well as separate hobbies that we try doing together (painting, cooking, baking, skating etc.) so there's usually some type of activity we can plan, even if it is just sitting in the same room and reading.
>go to different group opportunities in your community
if you are at an event for people who already have a similar ground with you (same hobby, same interest in volunteering, same university program, etc) it is easier to make an initial connection to someone because it builds in at least a primary layer of small talk. if the conversation can't keep itself going, it's a sign you may not be compatible.
>don't expect everything to happen all at once
when i was getting to know my best friend, it took around 3-4 times of hanging out for us to feel comfortable enough around each other to progress to a deeper friendship connection. sometimes we can expect everything to happen at once, but these kinds of relationships need time to grow!
No. 316056
I don't understand "normie' social cues anyways, it seems like, at least in my experience, girls are way too comfortable with one another if you're not percieved as gay. Like just touching on your friends is common if they think you're straight? I think it's all for male validation and the fact we live in a pornsick culture, but either way, it goes over my head. One of my "friends" insisted on trying to rile her various boyfriends up in front of me. She was vicious in tearing me down appearence wise. I know she had a bad home life, etc, and all that jazz, I'm not really looking back at my teen years with spite, more like, I just don't fucking get you people. I can't tell you how many times a girl did some out of pocket stuff to me. I was never receptive and got angry once and slapped her, but she didn't seem to understand why I'd be upset, like is that normal behavior? I doubt it. Then again, this is coming from girls I knew who would openly brag about some guy touching their asses in the hallway or did all kinds of things just to tease guys. Then make fun of me because I didn't have that happen to me? I remember one scenario in my early 20s where I was hanging out with a group of girls and one of them was trying to get me to makeout with her in front of these guys and I just scooted away and looked at her funny. We were all drinking but I just don't get it. Then I get ostracized from this group because I don't wanna partake in these weird ass social rituals of trying to do whatever the hell they're doing? This has been my problem personally. I have managed to have made some friends who understand personal boundaries but like, I don't know if it's an autistic thing or I'm just actually just a person who understands you can't just fucking do that shit to people? Like you never know what's someone's been through, don't touch people, weirdos. I don't know if anyone else has experienced this kind of behavior, but it was very common in my youth.
No. 316100
Even though a good chunk of my girl friends have become gendies I don't want to abandon them
>>316055I feel so vindicated with this, this is basically similar to a bunch of invisible rules I came up with even though some people on LC to get over making friends based off of similar interests, I don't know how to.
As much as I want to be friends with 'normies' there's something about me that puts a distance between us and I have no idea what it is outside of me being socially awkward/nervous/anxious
No. 316142
File: 1678407519932.jpeg (104.01 KB, 1440x1440, 1655771130832.jpeg)
>>316054I agree with this. It takes more than just dressing tomboyish and liking pokemon to be a full on "other" "weirdo". I feel like the girl in the comic just had different hobbies and didn't like wearing skirts. She's not a full blown retard like me whose weirdness sticks out very much. And it's not like I want to be othered on purpose, I just don't bother with people anymore.
>>316072That's also true.
No. 316252
I feel like I need to put on an act around women. I need to guard my tone and expression. It is just too much effort. Due to how normie girls were socialized, they are stricter about social rules and structures than males are. They put lots of weight on tone, expression, conventions. If you commit a faux pas, they ghost you.
Around males I can be myself. Especially on the internet, where they assume I am male, and the "courting the female" dynamic is not a factor.
In real life I was very lonely; didn't find women relatable (they didn't find me relatable either), and with men it was a guessing game of "do they like me, or are they just humoring me?".
Thankfully I found girls who weren't so uptight about socially conforming, but that wasn't until I became an adult. And by "girls who don't care about conforming" I don't mean typical "outcasts", like in high school. If anything, the weeb tumblr yaoi crowd is extremely malleable by outside influence. Freaky hair and mass-produced "alternative" appearance isn't a signifier of independent thought. All my highschool friends trooned out except one male who got addicted to drugs.
No. 316310
I feel this. As a kid I was the 'weird, funny one' in my friend group. I lost most of them around puberty when their looks and interests started changing and mine didn't (it didn't help that I never grew boobs- I'm still an A cup). I couldn't relate to girls anymore, even though on the inside I wanted to be just like them. I want to wear dresses, do my hair, make up, act "girly", but it just doesn't come natural to me. I'm tall, lanky, awkward and probably autistic, but my true vision of myself is sweet, bubbly and feminine. What sucks even more is I have a younger sister that turned out to be exactly what I wanted. She's short, cute, girly and everyone loves her- and the thing is I saw her grow up and naturally develop into that person. That never happened to me.
No. 316530
File: 1678590349972.jpg (15.49 KB, 1104x92, soulmates.JPG)
>>316310>tall, lanky, awkwardif you were gay, this anon (picrel) from /ot/ would be your soulmate kek
>>316528>>316401I'm really ugly (I don't have dysmorphia or any weird shit like that, it's objective) and a couple times popular girls have done this to me and it's literally worse than being called hideous to your face. The obvious pity and assumption that you're stupid enough to believe it is what really pisses me off. Thankfully since I stopped slathering on makeup and dressing girly (never liked it anyway), no one does this to me anymore, I guess since it indicates I am not trying to fit into social standards so they don't think they'll make my poor little ugly day by lying to me about my looks.
If you're not objectively ugly, they probably aren't lying so don't worry about it. Although I still think it's a weird thing to say to a stranger.
No. 316531
File: 1678590569231.jpg (80.21 KB, 540x759, mm.jpg)
>>316402It makes me so happy to know that another anon ITT loves Morrissey. Whenever I Mozpost on lc now it warms my heart so much to get replies, partly because I've become very isolated irl, losing my online friends due to mental illness and the ones who remain I don't really trust to not judge me for liking
Problematic Steve kek. I keep even my most basic gc beliefs secret from the online acquaintances I have left because at this point I just can't deal with any more isolation, but more than anything I want friends I can be honest with.
No. 316587
File: 1678624325965.jpeg (41.69 KB, 640x800, 9DC4C681-168A-476A-A49B-D5E531…)
>>316531Ayrt Moz lovers of the world, unite and take over! I feel like the general reaction to liking the Smiths and Morrissey is “who?” at best or like you said, you risk a negative reaction from people who know who he is but hate him lol. I hope someday we can find some Morrissey loving friends,
nonnie.
No. 316955
>>316055I know i am every normies worst nightmare. I literally have a lot of the negative aspie symptoms, particularly low empathy, extremely narrow topics of interest and i literally cannot hide my disinterest when i am talking with them and can't mask for shit, so most of them think i am an asshole. I have given up on trying to have a normie lifestyle. I was kind of upset when i read my report kind of indicated i was a horrible person at risk of being a druggie/alcoholic if i touched it even once or having legal problems (both more to do with adhd, i feel like that's ruining my life 10x more than autism but idk). Idk, i think reading this thread has made me at peace with this because i almost considered rage quiting getting treatment because i felt like the therapist would be judging me the whole time. I just want to be able to fake being a pleasant enough of a person so i can have a stable job and take care of myself, I also need to seperate myself from my parents asap to tame my persecution complex i have gained from the fact that they always bullied me.
I really like just sticking to discord and anonymous places for socialisation for the most part. It would be nice to have a single person who cared about everything i cared about irl and we could hang out maybe once a month, but if this doesn't happen i won't be sad.
>>316528I felt that way when i was young mainly because i got bullied for my appearance a lot. Nowadays compliments do absolutely nothing for me, just a fart in the wind. I have become increasingly more self-centred due to being isolated and only care about what i think and i am very mean to myself tbh.
No. 317006
File: 1678880011423.jpeg (27.86 KB, 500x561, D47EBCA7-B45B-4212-BD21-0D72F0…)
this sounds dumb but seeing all of you share similar stories to mine makes me want to just invite all of you for tea or something, I wish we could all be friends
No. 317388
>>317212I live in a conservative area, so I've never really met another lesbian in the wild. I don't have a problem with OSA women as a long as they're not lesbophobic, but I often have a fear that the nice straight woman I'm friends with will turn on me the moment she finds out. I was also forcibly outed in school once, and I had straight girls who already disliked me for being "weird" turn on me even more and scream "EW" to my face. Being roped into "boy talk" before that happened as a kid/teen and having girls show me pictures of their boyfriends or celebrity crushes and asking me if I think they're hot too, and being asked if I have a husband and kids as an adult, will always be deeply uncomfortable.
Femininity is another thing I've been nitpicked on, despite not being masculine either. It could be because I'm autistic, but I only wear a little bit of makeup and do light skincare to take care of my acne problems, I never understood the point of full-on painting your face and shaving.
My weight has always been a "damned if you do, damned if you don't" thing too. I was skinny as a child and would get inappropriate comments about how I was "too" skinny and how gross that was, but when I started puberty (earlier than other girls, too, which was also alienating) I got chubby. Girls assumed I was just a lazy pig who couldn't stop eating, when I rarely eat and had a medical issue I couldn't afford a doctor for.
I'm sure there's more, but when it comes to childhood stuff, that's what I remember.
No. 317394
In my teens I felt like I failed as woman and it unfortunately made a great impact on me as I grow up.
For starters, I was ugly. Like, really ugly. I started to grow early and was the tallest in my class (taller than all of the boys) and was pretty chubby on top of that. Not only that, but I never grew boob, they are still AA. You can imagine how I looked. Built like a fridge, with acne and probably very sweaty. Didn't help that I always wanted to dress masc, but my mom religiously controlled my looks, so my only choice was wearing trashy track suits every day (that I initially had for gym class) when mom wasn't looking. If not, she forced me to dress "feminine" so I looked as elegant as an elephant in a tucky frilly dress. I also hated my long hair and wanted to cut it down, but my parents were furious at the suggestion, so I just ignored styling my hair and always wore a tight ponytail, which for some reason was hilarious to my classmates.
Not only that, but I always had very masculine hobbies. Like, joining the boys and going out to the fights after school. Or ganging up with my neighbors and going out to the other neighbors to bully local kids. Or exploring abounded building for the chance of finding an old cache of gas masks. That sort of thing. And video games. Lots of video games. My dad hated it and in fact smashed my laptop when I was played late into the night.
Guess all that made the class clown, didn't help that I never grew up and stopped being interested in kiddy stuff like cartoons and video games. I'm also not a lesbian, but never had an interest in boys, in fact I was a devout husbandofag for my whole life.
Because of all that, I never fittef in with anybody. For girl nerds, I was too crude and mannish. For normie women, I was a fucking joke. Boys ignored me after puberty (I wasn't pretty).
It all was a long time ago, and now I can pass as a normie, but I still can feel the impact of what happened to me in my teens.
No. 317412
>>317394Your parents sound so mean. Especially smashing your laptop
>bully local kidsIf you actually bullied kids for fun wtf
No. 317583
>>317535That is always infuriating too.
>>317539I honestly don't think it's that rare, but probably most non-submissive women aren't that open about their sex life. I mean, vanilla women get laughed at, judged, and are called prudes. And if you like being in control other women will judge you too because "what about the poor innocent moid!!"
No. 318176
My main problem is that I can't find female friends with similar interests and when I do they're usually a "he/him" or "non-binary", you know the drill. So the second I do meet a girl with similar interests who isn't drinking the gender coolaid, I get too hopeful and I worry I come across as desperate. I find it hard to be friends with people who I don't share at least one interest with, so most of my friends are guys. When I go to spaces for my hobby IRL or online they're usually full of men, sometimes when there is a girl there we do get along but it never becomes a deeper friendship.
Also, I will probably be disliked for saying this here and I understand why but from my experiences women do tend to be more judgemental than men. Sometimes, this is a good thing, Many times, it is a bad thing. I feel like men are generally more accepting of weirdos no matter their gender for better and for worse. It overall makes me more hesitant to open up to women until we're comfortable together. It's the hedgehog dillema I guess. I'm afraid of opening up to most women and being met with cruelty, but because I don't open up I won't ever get a close female friend. Am I making sense?
I feel like I always have to remain too, idk, professional around other women I guess. I have to always behave the way they expect me to and act how they want me to. This is both a combination of past past experiences and self-inflicted. I want women to like me. Because I don't care about men liking me I feel more free to act myself… which ironically is what develops genuine friendships.
I'd do many things to get a female best friend who I feel I can act myself around, talk about almost anything to whenever and share our interests together.
No. 318222
>>318042I always say thanks and offer tips on how to do makeup if they ask. Usually I’ll even compliment something back to be nice. I wouldn’t think that’s awkward at all. Still, I can just never get past that initial “ice breaker” with women, maybe they expect me to keep the conversation going myself, but I’m not all that talkative which I know is another problem in and of itself.
>I'm afraid of opening up to most women and being met with cruelty, but because I don't open up I won't ever get a close female friend.You hit the nail on the head anon. And I agree, in my experience women tend to be more judgmental about someone’s interests, hobbies, and even taste in music. My interests aren’t strange or niche to men (because it’s more common among them), but normie women look at me like I’m a weirdo when I tell them. It’s not a good feeling being judged whenever you try to open up, so I usually don’t say much about myself until I’m comfortable enough around the person. Feels like I’m stuck in a catch-22. Can’t make friends if I don’t “open up”, but I won’t “open up” until I feel comfortable somebody, but that somebody probably won’t feel comfortable with me until I do “open up”.
No. 318241
>>316052seriously, what is the 'other' quality? how do they sniff it :(
inb4 hygiene joke. externally, e.g. if you looked at a photo of me, you would think I were a basic, socially-adjusted person. I don't dress weird, I know how to do my makeup and hair, not fat, etc. but as soon as I have to interact people get the impression of 'weird.' I know social rules, I add tone to my voice, be friendly, small talk, try to make appropriate facial expressions, have good posture, generally try not to seem like a socially unadjusted autist hikki but still come across as 'weird.'
>>318222I wonder if it's just best to be unapologetically oneself… I generally like who I am and for some reason situations where I'm less tense (e.g. drunk, girls are really nice to me and genuine-seeming at a club but that might also be because they're drunk), as a kid before I developed much self awareness, or mental hospital when I was young (but maybe not a good metric for evaluating social success) have been the only times where I haven't just been called weird behind my back. For me, it's less of a blow to be judged as weird if I'm being genuine, than if I'm trying my best to assimilate. However, I find it extremely difficult to try not to mask. It's like an automatic customer service voice/face, except I'm clearly not even very good at it (I think I come across as stiff, stilted)
(. :( ) No. 318710
>>318705It’s why people think I’m “weird” too. I naturally have a more quiet personality, I’ve been that way a long time. I’m a little louder once I get to know somebody, but not by much.
Like you said, I think it depends on the area you’re in. Some cultures see silence as intelligence, meanwhile in other countries it’s more typical for people to be loud and opinionated.
Being nice and quiet hasn’t really worked out for me when making lasting friendships. Sure people think I’m nice, but I don’t get invited anywhere. I don’t make it past “acquaintance”. I’ve seen rude loud people make more friends, at least where I’m from.
No. 318714
>>315157Heh are you me anon? Won’t elaborate but because of shit in my childhood even though I was a pick me until my late teens I grew up kind of hating women and being apathetic towards men. Though since discovering radical feminism I realized what I hated were men and women who willingly partnered with them. Almost all of them are complete doormats for men, which is infuriating enough but a lot will also serve your head on a plate for their "nigel" without a second thought. Don’t get me wrong I would choose any woman over a man in a second but time and time again i see this type of thing from the way they let their
abusive males rape their daughters all while refusing to leave to the way they drop year long female friendships in favor of their male partners. When most talk about their relationships I just can’t help but roll my eyes afterwards, I didn’t understand their desperation for relationships with mediocre males then, and I understand it even less now.
>>317459>Does anyone else feel similarly?Yes, I greatly enjoy female friendships nonetheless so I just try to dissociate and nod when they talk about their relationship problems.
No. 319038
File: 1680119120429.png (149.33 KB, 839x513, 1.png)
>suffer from selective mutism and have an autistic obsession with hobbies that happen to be male dominated
>dont actually know if im autistic but wouldn't be surprised
>abusive mom scares off any potential friends
>never had makeup pushed onto me so i never got into it and when i did try it i didn't like the texture
>majority of women in my area are into makeup/fashion/disney and other normie stuff or music but we have wildly different music tastes
this sounds so cringe of me but im being serious i dont judge them for it.
>every time i try to have a convo with them i really feel so fucking retarded and autistic
>especially when they ask why i'm doing some hand movement or whatever
>we never actually become friends im either that "uptight bitch" for being quiet/shy, they're cool with me but theres no deeper connection or desire to be close friends, or im just respectfully ignored. never the first choice basically
>every time i talk to a normie i feel like im performing because i speak in a monotone and im very blunt and deadpan without meaning to be
>they think its hilarious and i just feel like a circus monkey at this point
>refuse to be friends with moids because i learned my lesson
>was on 4chan in my teen years and immersed in internet culture so all my jokes and shit are from that and cringe/goes over their heads and sadly i have an easier time socializing with moids because of this
the closest i got to normiehood was when i got engaged and all the women at my job wanted to see the ring and talk about wedding stuff it was really nice. id like a nice group of female friends but its just very obvious im "off". i always felt like i had a mark on me that deemed me a weirdo or something that says theres something wrong with me. when i was little i felt like i was from pluto and couldn't be from earth. it just makes me very sad. when i was younger i tried so hard but i gave up at this point. i have 0 close friends its just me and my husband. i've only been able to have a convo with his friends, and recently his friend got married and i've been talking to the wife but it feels off. sometimes i feel like she's mocking me but i think thats just my trauma with being bullied by popular girls. or like if our husbands weren't friends she would probably not even try and just block me. im probably autistic
No. 319111
>>319059Just don't stress about it. There is nothing wrong with having male-dominated interests, don't force yourself to wear skirts if you don't want to. It doesn't mean anything other than you like a certain thing.
Keep wearing whatever clothes you want but I advice you to get non-casual (graphic t-shirts and jeans) clothes to add some variety when the occasion calls, this is just from personal experience. Don't force yourself to be a certain way you'll never be happy that way
No. 319420
>>319300I belong in this thread. Swear to God ive never felt so understood as I have in this thread. I don't know how women walk around humoring most men, for the shit they get in return. It looks like a long running joke on them 90% of the time. I saw what you describe continually growing up. I was always astonished how they couldn't see it when women pranced around looking like the butt end of a joke emotional laboring for a low tier role/ dynamic that gives them no pride. Nothing.
Why the hell does women's socializing have to be so full of drama instead of joking around? Why can't we just never take anything too seriously? mostly forget men? They need us more than we need them.
Do most women just silently agree to having some sort of low status?? Is that how it works? How do they feel theyll get anything real or long term out of male relations when the stakes are so damn low and the moid, so damn dumb, ugly, blatantly predatory or both?? How does this fucking work?? I've NEVER understood most women because i cannot and will not pretend to like that tiresome performace that gets you nowhere but mentally diminished? It doesn't matter if your attractive or unattractive, the attractive ones just become performers horrified of stepping out of line everything about them becomes hollowed out and watered down. What difference does it make when that's the sum total of your personality in the end? trashed selfworth, trashed by abuse, no sense of humor, nothing but death circles around the male ego and opinion.
I don't care how many people it offends that I'm "cruelly unable to empathize" with the shitshow that is so normal in most places. I'm hostile towards needing to understand to be honest. Most of the time i was the one accomodating for imbeciles, it was never the other way around. Especially in the beginning.
More than anything I'm just blessed as fuck I was isolated as hell growing up. I used to think it was a curse. Ignored at home. Ignored ignored or watching silently on the inside and learned to love solitude. The other option just looked like a complete shitshow to me. I remember growing up around it as a teen. Watching the hells escalate into truly dissatisfying psychosocial warfare on countless occasions. You would have looked at me back then and called me a loner or shy but I was really just having NONE OF IT when I was 15. Maybe what I saw in my mom and dad turned me stone cold to all female performance. Idk. I just receded into the background. Not apologetic at all and never will be.
No. 319422
>>319300I agree. I can't stand it. When women start dating a man, he becomes 70% or more of her conversation topics. Everything relates back to their moids. Which might be okay if any of them were remotely interesting or tolerable, but somehow none of them are. I had a friend tell me "funny stories" about how she cleans up after her moid's nightly drunken messes and when I didn't react in amusement she got so defensive. Now I'm getting to the age where my peers are getting married and thinking about starting families, and I'm realizing i likely won't find many women to connect with as they all slowly becomes boymoms or wifeys.
An additional awful part is the pity and condescension male partnered women show towards you if you're straight and don't partake in dating scrotes. You're treated like a child who's not on their level because you've never been willing to debase yourself for a moid. If you straight up say you're not interested in it they assume you've got something wrong with you, poor thing, or they need to help you come out of your unflirty shell. It's absolutely intolerable.
No. 319423
>>319300>I absolutely despise ‘dominant’ or controlling moid behavior and it just makes me want to slice mens heads off with a katana, so when I see other women fetishizing and praising it, it gives me the ickSame, its very creepy. I personally like very meek men, i understand liking someone with confidence but the "dominance" they seemingly want on a man is so…unappealing and frankly terrifying, i just run away from those types
>>319420You're extremely real for this post and i appreciate you deeply nonna, you and i would be great friends. Speak your truth and fuck everyone telling you to rationalize moid crazy behavior, it
shouldn't be normal and it makes zero fucking sense because its literally mass delusion caused and encouraged by moids. I always wondered if there was a silent agreement to accept all this shit too and it fills me with sadness, is incredible the way misogyny affects women to such extents.
Everyone tells me is normal and okay but i can help but feel extreme frustration and existential dread seeing so many women go in circles over such shitty, unfulfilling, invaluable relationships, its total madness for me
No. 319442
>>319059You don't have to change anything about yourself outwardly or internally. If you're here on this site it means you probably already know that none of that makes a woman a woman– only biology says that you're a woman. Just keep living as you, wearing what you feel is comfortable and liking what makes you happy. At you're age, you might not know what those things are yet, or those things might be liable to change… But that's just what it is to be human. Life is a work in progress. It's easy to say and difficult to actually do, but try not to stress too much about what's "correct" for a teenage girl and just live. That's enough and anybody who tells you elsewise is unfortunately doing themselves a disservice by holding themselves and others to arbitrary standards.
I'm speaking from experience, but attempting to shape yourself, however successfully, into what you think will allow you to mesh with others is an impermanent satisfaction. It may work for a while, that sweet return of social success in exchange for stuffing yourself into a mold. But ultimately, you end up feeling hollow, knowing that they only like a fabrication. It's far better to embrace loneliness and live working to understand what clicks for you as an individual. Strict enforcement of social norms in regards to gender seem to melt away as you grow older and settle into spaces that accomodate you. And at that time, like-minded women gravitate towards each other.
No. 319464
>>319422I have news for you you can tell them all the one-sided laboring of married life looks like a shameful hell to you, and they will quickly shut up. Or they will get it and never speak of it again.
I am 37 years old and I can't tell you how much I became more grateful every year that dodged so many bullets. I don't have half the domestic hells my sisters have. I thank fucking God everyday i do not live with a man.
Inflation gets worse and worse and it seems money is becoming a scrambled concept lately. I'm glad I don't have to anticipate the inflated cost of life and college for any offspring.
No. 319470
>>319423Seeing other people who talk like this in real life would be unreal. Like talking to an alien unfortunately, even to me. I never talk to be anyone like this irl, only online. In r/twox etc. I guess I just assume all of you live in big cities, pursuing careers and witchcraft and whatnot. I live in a fast growing "small town" between two huge cities. But it's redneckville..
How do you think theyd of arrived at a silent agreement like that? If you could deduce the terms of it, what would they be?
I do feel like things have changed a lot since back then, (miraculously) But im not in school anymore. Sometimes I feel like I can't gauge where "normal" is. Where my things begin and end… If you go on some online womens spaces this kind of talk is all you get. On tiktok there's a shit ton. You could never have conversations like this in 2004-9 though. You could only watch in silent horror and have no full way of describing the disgust at things around you.
For me personally, I had a different outlook before the internet, porn and revenge porn. It's wierd how I grew up right alongside it at the exact same time. I cant even tell where the real me began, and rage at the performance ended because of porn. Was it actually all really because porn lowered the value of everything I saw by a lot? It was like society took a HUGE plunge off a porn cliff at one point and it never went back to normal for me.
You shouldn't let it get you down though, because in ways things have evolved for the better, especialy the ways women talk so candidly. Radfeminism is a lot better now. You should live with tons of satisfaction and post about your freedoms to everyone you know. Honestly in a ton of situations ALL theyre aiming for is your insecure reaction to them or disapproval. So give them the opposite. Post about your bliss 24/7.
They know, the performance they put on is low tier shit but they don't know how to do anything else, so they feel trapped. The wierd result is they gun for reactions from/ try to fake superiority over people who don't play low return games for crappy moids.
They will talk down to people who don't perform shit tier for shit points. Try to tangle you in it and brainwash you down into the self loathing hole with them, by pointing out everything wrong with you they can think of.
So never feel upset. Just relish never having to be being a part of it. Post about your freedoms to the online network. The second they start criticizing everything you do is when you know they're getting defensive of their low tier bs.
No. 319503
>>319422>Now I'm getting to the age where my peers are getting married and thinking about starting families, and I'm realizing i likely won't find many women to connect with as they all slowly becomes boymoms or wifeys.samefag & I dread thinking about it
>>319470>You could never have conversations like this in 2004-9 though. You could only watch in silent horror and have no full way of describing the disgust at things around you.This exactly, on the web at least, but have things changed that much really? It feels talk talk talk because you look around and…
>>319467 I remember somebody saying that if you look at conservative and liberal women much of their behavior is the same, at the end of the day they suck their man’s dick the same, they bear emotional and household labor the same, they just vote for different parties.
No. 319512
>>319300I stopped talking to one of my friends (who was a TiF) because she prioritized men over everything else. When I told her that one of my grandparents was dying of cancer, she just gave a half-assed “sorry” and immediately just went on about her boyfriend. That was the last straw for me. The guy was such fucking trash too and a disgusting loser who didn't treat her with any respect. She even treated his tendency to be a slob as if it were some charming quirk. The guy would leave food to rot in his kitchen and she thought that was so fucking funny and quirky.
I also had another friend who drifted away because she was insanely obsessed with her loser moid and would never stop talking about him. It was to the point where she thought about switching careers completely to work in the same place as her moid. She even brought up him "looking white" to me and a group of friends as if that was something so utterly amazingly attractive about him (me and my friends are all non-white FYI). Really hate these women who place moids on a pedestal and never see how trash they are.
No. 319518
>>319503Tbh the amount of women I run into who say they prefer to be single over being in a bad relationship boggles my mind a bit, so yeah. I am the same. Would much rather be single. In fact it's so much better to be single, it's so pleasant I truly don't know if I can go back.
Also the birthrate is plummeting which is a good thing.
No. 319551
>>319420Nona, your post hits hard. Especially the part about how being ignored and growing up being detached from the people around you makes you observe all of this hell from a perspective that sees no worth in it. My mom was and still is stuck in a shitty relationship with a low grade emotionally impaired moid (my dad) and watching her sacrifice herself time and time again while he does absolutely nothing is so depressing and I would never want a life like that for myself. I understand why women allow themselves to be exploited like that because it's literally programmed into us since birth, but I hate how everyone acts like it's a force of nature that can't be meddled with. It's like all women fear that if they stand up for themselves, men will collectively take away our rights - sort of what has happened with the abortion rights being revoked in the US completely as a reaction to the popularity of feminism.
But that said, the main reason seems to ultimately be the absolute concern over remaining attractive to men: you can't be the mean bitch setting up boundaries for the men around you or he'll stop seeing you as a person. The women I know might be very staunch feminists but when they have to stand the fuck up and tell a man to stop, they immediately turn their heads to avoid ever exposing themselves as anything else but the Cool Girls. It's so depressing and disillusioning that it actually makes me want to rope thinking back to all the times I expected them to have my back only to be disappointed in their nonexistent spine.
>>319422God, yes. I'm now in my 30's and in that exact age of the women I know getting married and having kids, and I dread this every single day. Even the childfree women become those "wifeys" who lose all their interest in everything outside of their homes and just want to stay indoors with their shitty husbands
or they bring their "hubby" literally everywhere they go like he was some sort of an emotional support pet. I'm hoping that things settle when we're in our 40's to 50's and everyone has finally blackpilled on men and just want to get outside of their homes.
No. 319610
>>319551Yes but who gives a fuck about most men since they're breath-takingly ugly unless they're young and breathtakingly ugly in personality even more ??? There's is literally not much to be attracted to accept in really rare cases. It's so much easier and more fun to sever from their shit entirely and ngaf. No amount of charm makes me unsee what they usually do, as a group.
Dating itself. The entire whirlwind of shitty interaction you encounter seeking out a moid. It takes away all motivation for me and I notice a ton of the same from other women online.
No. 319832
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It's going to sound autistic and irrelevant to some of you social nonnies but it is a big deal for me. So, I have no interest in social interaction at all, so I don't have friends or romantic interests. And because of this, media means basically everything to me. But it's so difficult to find something I would actually like. I don't like media/anime made for female auditory, it's either innocent or cute either it is focused on male characters, and I'm not interested in retarded male butts. I like edgy animes made for male auditory but they are so coomerish and scroty. And I know there is a type of media made for tifs, like the owl house and she ra that have some GNC female characters, but again it's too cute/childish.
So basically I only like female characters that are masculine/ugly/edgy and they barely exist because people hate women who are not cute(made for normie girls) or sexualized (made for males). The only time I saw people drawing female characters in a way I like was steven universe OCs.
Also, I want to Be The Change I Want To See and make bjd dolls in the style I Like but I will probably never get any support because of my retarded preference. I wish I was just a normal fujo, I would have so many things made for me. Or a normie girl who would like things made for normie girls. I wish I could relate to other lesbians who like real women.
No. 320015
>>319832I sort of relate to this because while I can tolerate skinny/pale/feminine MCs in shoujo and whatnot, and enjoy it, even though they're not my ideal representation of myself (which I guess is to be expected since my personality and expression is not exactly average, other women and girls probably relate more to them than me) i also struggle to find female characters that are just like you and me. You will never find an appropriate representation of weird or GNC women that isn't meant to be fetishized for scrotes in anime, except on rare occasions that you probably already know about and can count on one hand. In the west, our kind of weirdness is practically unheard of among the people who create media, or these days is replaced by gendershit.
I've heard from nonnies that Reagan from Inside Job is one of those rare instances of an unfeminine female protagonist being portrayed as a completely normal person instead of being a joke or sexualized. I haven't watched it so i can't confirm but it's next on my watchlist, the protag looks just like me kek.
>I will probably never get any support because of my retarded preferenceDon't be so sure. I bet there are many women out there who feel the same way as you and since they have never seen anything like that before they don't even think it's a realistic possibility, or they also believe that no other woman would want to see it.
>>319551>in that exact age of the women I know getting married and having kidsNow that you guys are talking about it, i'm starting to dread the day every woman around me that i could've potentially befriended even if they're more normie than me, every woman i've befriended so far but haven't talked to in ages, all my female cousins, gets married and stops having the time to go out with me. And since i don't want to date moids I don't know where the hell i'll go to find female friends. I'll only have my male coworkers to talk to. I'm a loner myself, usually, but being alone forever would drive me crazy.
No. 320023
>>319832I totally understand your issue. I want to write a comic that has sort of realistic and edgy characters. I dont know much about media with women who are GNC or like that, so the only thing i can think of is being the change i'd want to see.
I can relate, though, and there are probably a lot of women out there like us.
No. 320052
>>315084To be fair, I love seeing sexualized women in videogames and such because of my bisexuality but there is a point where its too much
Characters like Pyra from Xenoblade Chronicles 2 and Keira Metz from Witcher 3 come to mind
They are just so boring and useless story and gameplay wise. Their only purpose is to constantly hint at wanting to fuck the main protagonist
As soon as a female character is sexy and doesn't want to romance the player, moids go into an infernal rage and review bomb the game lmao
No. 320089
>>320052Same, it's something I feel guilty for as a lesbian, but I agree that lot of the coomer/fanservice stuff that's "too much" is really gross. I think there's a big difference than a woman that has a sexy design and full-blown male gaze shit where the character just resembles a caricature instead of a real human.
>>320061That's imageboard culture in general, it's why I tend to prefer talking to people in private, but private spaces that aren't full of herd mentality and are chill are hard to find.
No. 320092
I am extremely embarassed to say this but lolcow is the pretty much the only place where I can actually interact with other women. I have very few friends, mostly online, and ALL of them are male (consequences of autism and the internet). The only real female friends I ever got were my childhood besties that now live pretty far away, and we barely ever contact each other nowadays. Could also count that small aiden group chat I was port of back when I was a tif, but I had to cut them off once I peaked and desisted. I see all of you nonnas talking about female solidarity and how fulfilling female friendships can be, while I'm here not even close to knowing what it's like.
I'm often disappointed by men around me (misogyny, degeneracy etc) and can clearly see their lack of empathy and understanding of my experiences as a woman. But often, they have similar nerdy interests and I can sort of relate to them in other ways. Whereas whenever I try to socialize with women, normie or not, it feels satisfying at first because there's no moidish bullshit and I can freely discuss female-specific issues with them, but besides that ? I either feel like I have nothing in common with them outside of my sex, or I'm too goofy/autistic for them. So as a result, I'm stuck in this endless cycle of loneliness where I just never feel understood. Like men will always just see me as a sex object, and fellow women will always just see me as a failure.
Though I know I'm far from being the only lonely, nerdy, "masculine" woman out there. I might just be unlucky. Might just be autism and low self-esteem. But man it's depressing and I probably can't do anything about it besides trying over and over again. Sometimes I'm tempted to troon out again honestly.
No. 320100
>>320092i don't think women would see you as a failure anon. im biased bc ive spent most of my life around mostly female peers i guess, but if anything its the men i interact with who are unable to look past the fact im a young woman & i think they think i have nothing to of value to add to a conversation & im not pretty enough for them to go out of their way to interact with me kek. women treat me more like an equal human being.
im kind of like you in that im pretty autistic and sometimes have a hard time relating to traditional femininity. obviously the easy answer is 'find women who share your same hobbies', but in the workplace etc where you're most likely to be interacting with women i think thats not always realistic unless you're into normie stuff like netflix or working out or certain music. for me personally… i have a good surface level knowledge of makeup and skincare and i like thrift/vintage shopping, and i think those are pretty common things for young women to be into these days. it makes me feel a bit less like an autist when i can hold a pleasant conversation with someone asking about their skincare routine or something.
anyway anon, i wish you the best of luck in finding female friends. being surrounded by male friends cannot be good for your mental health, genuinely idk how the terminal pickmes can live like that kek
No. 320235
>>320100Thanks for your response nonna.
I was able to find women with similar interests (mostly scientific stuff), but when interacting with them it kinda felt like they perceived me as weird or too scrotish.
I'm a chemistry nerd and that gives a good amount of knowledge on skincare formulation, so perhaps I could use that to get into normie conversations at uni. Besides that, I really hate makeup and other normie stuff lol In the end the best bet would probably be to befriend fellow gnc women…
No. 320298
>>320015Thanks,
nonnie, I guess I should just try and perhaps there are women out there who will like my hideous femcel dollies.
I have watched the inside job and it's really cool and sexualizes scrotes instead of female characters.
>>320023I wish I knew what your comic is about. Would it is too retarded to leave a throwaway e-mail somewhere out there?
No. 320344
>>320323omg another chem
nonnyI'm studying pharmacology so mostly pharmaceutical organic synthesis and analytical chem. Boom boom inorganic stuff is fun too.
No. 320532
File: 1680856069680.jpg (24.87 KB, 400x395, Baldurlegal@proton.me.jpg)
>>320298comic anon yrt. And sure, i don't see why not
No. 320559
File: 1680869575651.jpg (99.43 KB, 1280x720, mynonnies@proton.me.jpg)
>>320532kek Nonni I meant I can leave mine and I think I will anyway, I need more
nonnie-like friends in this retarded world
No. 320903
>>319832all of this exists in abundance in books, though this varies a lot by genre and audience, but…. i get its not the same at all. i too want the flash and charm of some of my favorite games or anime but with female characters worth a damn.
and like i said, books arent perfect either, even books by women (though women are dominating in literature right now and putting out insanely good shit). i remember being really disappointed by high fantasy written by women who for some fucking reason decide to pen their beloved epics about some annoying, cliche scrote protagonist instead of a gnc girl just like them. and dont get me started on male authors in the more literary genres who want the clout of a female protag but infuse the entire work with their voyeuristic fantasy of what female outsiderdom is like. im reading a book right now that i do enjoy but sometimes i cant help but feel like the author is writing a girl he wishes he dated in highschool, just like that high fantasy female author id been recommended seemed to be writing a male hero she felt would get her more respect.
No. 320932
>>320903You're right
nonnie, I should read more. Also, I never read male authors because I don't want to kek. Offtopic, but do we have a writing/fanfiction thread?
No. 321814
File: 1681643216910.jpg (83.62 KB, 660x660, wp-content.jpg)
>>321813I genuinely think it's some form for advanced pickmeism. "Unlike other cruel women who only date men in their age range, I date grandpas!!! not dating grandpas will hurt mens feelings and we don't want that! Women who have standards for the men they date are superficial unlike me who is openminded". Men has also done a good job convincing young women to date old men. Just look at the age gaps between the actors in movies
No. 321820
I think part of my problem is that I see (nearly) every relationship/connection I make as something temporary. I'm in such a weird position socially (in college far from home + moved away from hometown so kind of doubly isolated).
I don't mind being alone tbh, I don't find it to be very detrimental though I do enjoy company. I spend pretty much my entire summer alone when I'm not at school. But every friend I've made in college feels like the timer is going to hit 0 when I graduate and I'll never hear from them again. I care about them, sure, but it feels like we're only hanging out with each other only because of circumstance. I've started approaching conflict like this too, thinking "even if this goes wrong, in 3 years we won't even think about each other so whatever happens doesn't really matter."
I'm an idiot that likes to pretend fictional characters are my friends (not in a "im delusional and think these people are real" sense but in a funny little imagined fantasy sense), so isn't it kind of pathetic that most of my "friends" live in my head lmfao?
Nothing that happens right now seems to matter to me because my entire situation all around feels temporary. I've been putting off trying to pursue a serious relationship/make any deep romantic connections with any women I'm interested in because my mindset is "we date in college, and then we're going to go back to our home states, and I know I won't be willing to move or sacrifice any job opportunities for anyone else so there's no point in acting like we'll be together forever because long distance online relationships feel fake."
But I'm kind of afraid that I'll never stop acting like everything is temporary to an insignificant degree.
The only relationships I have that have lasted for more than a few years are the three close female friends I managed to connect with and create a deep relationship with (through shared experience and mutual love and care more than shared interests tbh) over middle/high school, and I seriously treasure them, but when i try to think about any other lasting friendships I come up blank. I hope we do actually stick together for the long run, or else I'm totally at a loss when it comes to making a relationship that lasts. Maybe it'll be easier to see things as permanent once I graduate.
No. 321824
File: 1681651421462.jpg (65.23 KB, 984x942, 1680106924589.jpg)
>>315019>ex furry >ex gendie>smartidk nona
No. 321836
>>321813>>321814I think it's because they want to be
A) rich
B) taken care of
C) have their scrote die off early so they can reap those benefits without him
No. 321899
File: 1681667276467.jpg (39.72 KB, 640x359, 1c36aef4a2fa4d4ab18a323983c1ca…)
>>321836That's me except I don't put any effort into it and couldn't care less for LDR.
No. 322190
>>322128The "you go, girl!" attitude may be due to the fact that older men are almost always associated with wealth, and relationships with a large age gap are romanticized in movies/books. But if a young woman actually wants or likes to date an older man (with no grooming involved), it's probably because it makes her feel special (in the relationship, not necessarily in comparison to other women) and/or she fell for the "you're so mature for your age" meme. If on top of that these women are scared of aging or being cheated on like
>>321923 explained (which I don't blame them for….), then they may think that an old man is a good match. Of course that's only if he doesn't pull a Leonardo Dicaprio on them.
No. 322212
>>321923Kek
nonnie I really like this explanation, it's probably how a lot of straight women feel. The problem is that the scrote will not feel "flattered" by the younger woman's attention, he just will think he is the hot shit and is entitled to younger women.
No. 322419
>>322190AYRT. I agree with you, since I've been friends with women who feel that way. But I honestly really feel like it only works as a fantasy, large age gaps are never as glamorous in real life as they are in a story written by a woman or in the media (which is often propaganda by older men). People like focusing on how the young woman might be "mature for her age" but not that the older partner might be
immature for his.
No. 322576
File: 1682006967527.jpg (172.73 KB, 1170x2080, scottradkeart2.jpg)
I feel like normie women have it better. As if they have no problem smiling and nodding at everything scrotes say, pretending they don't mind being seen as sex objects and laughing at misogynistic jokes. I've seen a feminist post one day about how when you learn all the ways society mistreats women you start noticing it everywhere and can't go back. I mean realizing how shitty it is to be a handmaiden really helps me in life, but I'm kinda jealous of normie women who just don't care/don't notice any problems they face as women. I kinda feel like this is why I would troon out if I was a bit of a retard, to escape womanhood and its pitfalls. It's like all the normie women think that womanhood is all about yasss queen you go girl and I see it as a sad and bleak experience. I mean, I need to grow a backbone and try and do something about it. But I know if I go to a psychologist she will just tell me I'm a fakeboi, and it scares me because I know trooning out only makes everything worse, so I don't have anyone to talk to. Tifs are really the only kind of women I can relate to, but you can't talk to them about such topics without them insisting you just need to inject drugs and chop off body parts. Remember that crazy clownstongue girl from the tif thread? I feel like I could end up like her if it wasn't for my one and only lolcow.farm. Thanks, nonnies, I'm better now, gonna eat a muffin now.
No. 322579
>>322576I just feel life would be easier if I was the opposite gender. basically everything I was born into but much easier. people would treat me better, I would be believed by doctors, my family, friends, etc. trooning out wouldn't help either simply because nobody would ever treat me like a man anyway, just an inferior version of a man. just like how troons are treated like a better version of women, because they're biologically men.
also feel like this about being mentally ill, life would just be easier if I wasn't, but in a different way than being a woman, but it's also a hardship I wish I didn't have to go through. living is suffering.
No. 322583
>>322579samenon, I know it's retarded but you can find my email here
>>320559 if you want to talk. All the other nonnies can write me too
No. 322605
>>322594>it makes me think life is unfair and it makes me lose hope.nayrt but I feel exactly like this
life really is unfair and often times it's the shittiest people who get what they least deserve
No. 322607
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>>322604I feel guilty when I think of that because I also have a lot many people don't have and that I am wasting my own potential.
No. 322649
>>322630It's not trolling, she struggles making friends and I'm telling her why.
>>322631The only ideas of women they have are from shitty shows, fr. These anons sound like they never interact with women irl.
No. 322772
>>322662I don't care for defending or attacking normie women because they're not the problem, I am the problem. It's not them driving me away, several normie women attempted friendship with me at university or at work, it's me being socially awkward, then later realizing "Shit, I acted weird" and avoiding them out of shame.
>>322700Ah yes, not being able to socialize like a normal person is sure NLOGism. Mental illness is sure NLOGism. You're fucking retarded.
No. 322812
>>322710good luck,
nonnie! I hope you have fun and everything goes well.
No. 324161
File: 1682673719034.gif (5.14 MB, 540x360, tumblr_c2025f6df738e5598c6b00f…)
I was bullied relentlessly by both boys and girls in middle school and 2 years of highschool. While the bullying from boys was direct, the treatment from girls hurt more as it was more sneaky and it was all about spreading gossip that a lot of people believed since i lived in a shitty small and very traditionalist town where everyone knows everyone. And having no spine to stand up for myself or some other support, it was rough. Because of this, I naturally developed a case of NLOG too on top of being socially awkward and having interests that apparently were too childish for me when I was 14/15 (video games, drawing, some cartoons and anime). I had people my age and older tell me that my priorities should change for make-up, boys and going to the club.
I also had a girl friend (as in platonic, don't want to use female instead) at that time whom I deeply trusted only to make me question my worth and turned pretty much all of my vents and secrets against me. When the bullying stopped, I started to befriend more girls, but I still mistrusted them most of the time and some of them to this very day, didn't have this issue with my guy friends, especially the very few I'm still friends with.
Personally, getting out of highschool and radfem improved my relationahips with other girls and my perspectives too, also working in a people centric job, retail was for me, oddly enough. This unwritten school hierarchy was soul crushing to me. Also, my social skills got better since then and now I befriend more women. There are still some "girl code" things that I find really stupid, also the fact that some of my older friends started to ignore girl frienships the moment a moid stepped into their lives (not all of them, thank God), which is a thing that makes me pessimistic about sisterhood, as a lot of women drop years of frienships only for a moid that wouldn't do the same, all due to our social conditioning.
No. 332137
>>314525I do not know hth they aren't deeply offended by living with/ seeing guys the way they are.
I'm extremely put off by having to hear the shit women put up with from men, from community, and shit they put up with everyday and never angrily respond to, or even question. You never hear anything good, you never hear anything that makes you excited to be alive. If I listened to the shit, or socialized with women all the time I'd want to shoot myself. Really and truly interacting with most people really makes me want to shoot myself in general.
I've learned I don't want to know. I don't want to hear because there is no point in responding either. You feel like a wall, they dont hear, will never hear or heed. So why should I care? about their vapid traditions and religion and familial hells?? Tbh it's extremely offensive. Like offensive beyond words hearing the things women kowtow and walk blindly into, like they were born yesterday. I used to be really sympathetic and talk all the time. But not so much now, I thoroughly hate our culture and the shit women stupidly put up with. I don't care to pretend to be happy and integrate I just don't talk at all and keep to myself. Lmao there is no solution to that but I guess I don't really care either, since I tend to avoid most of it and do whatever I want. To whoever it pisses off im laughing at your rage.
It always makes people angry I'm not falling into the same emotional laborey/ relationshit schemes women get dragged into.
People want you to go back to caring so bad but that is hysterical to me. All of that is a joke to me.
I always see things from 10 miles away where human behavior is concerned. I really hate being dragged into any of it. Interacting with people in general makes me want to shoot myself but at least I get to watch them set themselves on fire i guesss?? I'm really fatigued but i really try to be optimistic anyway it's the only way to get by. Enjoy the nice things and laugh but fck trying to integrate with "women"
No. 332935
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I have been so lonely and friendless for about 6 years. Diagnosed sperg. Even thinking about trying to make friends depresses me. The last friend I had was a family friend that molested me. Other than that, I have had no friends. It was extremely difficult to connect to the female students when I was in elementary school, I was so stupid that I would follow the groups of girls playing and observe them while not saying anything, and then eventually they would tell me to leave them alone or run away from me and I would chase after them. I really want female friends. It saddens me that so many girls who relate to me are now tifs. I’m waiting for those girls to detransition. I don’t know what to do. Especially since all the autism resources in my area are male-centric. I just want someone to sperg about dinosaurs and tf2 with. I can’t tell if I’m ugly either. So if I wanted make companionship, I wouldn’t know where to start. I really want a partner, it feels like I’ve been in ovulation for months. I feel so depraved of attention or any acceptance. I hate that the only people I’ve ever related to were mostly men, like Morrissey, Gary Numan, and David Byrne. Some girls I have related to are fictional book characters and Daria, but I’m not as stuck-up as her. And I’m not really one for fiction anyway. I don’t know what to do. I skipped a couple grades while I was in high school. I’m in college right now on summer break. I want to connect to the students but I can’t even look at them in the eyes. The only person that was a girl that I could talk to was my female chem prof.
No. 335589
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>grow up anxious and introverted interested in drawing, writing, playing games or playing alone mostly
>have some female friends throughout school but always feel less than them, or like i'm just one step behind and don't understand the culture/how to behave
>get into high school and become massive NLOG thrive off the fact that ~i'm one of the boys hehe~ worst decision of my life
>eventually leave school and realise that i was never part of their group as a genuine friend and just in a rotation of fuckable or therapist nlog
>make 2 female friends in college but still struggle to socialise with them and feel embarrassed and inferior to them because i am still outwardly nerdy and edgy
>go to uni, make friends with some more, feel like i need to put on a facade of being super normie, confident and boss bitch and it kinda worked for a while as much as i hate to say
>finish uni and realise that most of my life has just been spent trying to mimic what "works" in society instead of just being myself. i'm not a hyperfeminine girlboss, i just want to play world of warcraft and look at animals
>discover radfem a little bit and realise 99% of my male friends have unsurprisingly just wanted something sexual or to use me for emotional trauma dumping
>annihilate male friends from my life and discover a newfound peace after realising i also don't have to shave, wear makeup or support trannies/moids in general
>still feel a bit sad because the spaces i'm in are male-dominated and every time i have tried to make female friends there it feels like picrel for some reason and they are all libfems/call me transphobic
>2023 still have less than 5 friends total, feel very alone, but in a strange sense i think i prefer this instead of trying to be something i'm not
>still playing WoW and looking at capybara hoping the stars will align and i will come across another woman who i will make a great friendship with so we can sperg together
No. 335597
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>>332935Extremely relatable. I listen to a lot of male artists and relate to them far more, probably because you aren't really allowed to be weird and/or not conventionally attractive as a female artist, ever, but moreso these days
Your choice in 2023 is pretty much between being a hyper bimbo baby girl or a TIF lmao
No. 335627
File: 1686843773336.jpg (34.63 KB, 719x298, whores.jpg)
I hate whores so much it's unreal.(USER HAS BEEN PUT OUT TO PASTURE)
No. 335674
>>319300This and some other posts talked about not understanding women being submissive to men, and as a former turbo pick me maybe I try to explain. While I was dating horrible moids, I didnt have close female friends or family, was very insecure and hating myself. Being "good gf" by being a doormat and "good in bed" by doing nasty porn stuff was the only thing I could be kinda proud of myself for. I joked about the moid's
abusive and controlling behaviour to cope and to check "t-this is normal right, he doesnt see me as worthless right?" When I finally woke up I felt like the biggest clown in the entire universe. I think this is why a lot of women dont want to see the truth, will go from one
abusive relationship to other, and even trick themselves into thinking it is sexy and kinky. That they actually respect themselves so little they think all they deserve is being treated like shit.
No. 336265
I'm a "new" work environment (putting it in quotation marks because I've worked there as an intern before) with 2 guys and 2 women, both pairs consisting of one older (45+) and one younger (my age) person. I get along with the male colleague my age because we've worked together before and he's very personable, and also doesn't pry into anything personal, and I get along somewhat well with the older dude since he's a pretty typical stereotype of the colleague that just wants women to laugh at his jokes.
But I feel so awkward with the two women, whenever I need to discuss something together. I don't fucking understand what they expect of me half the time, and it seems like the older one wants to discuss more personal shit, which I'm against. I also have an awful habit of kneejerk cynicism as a first reaction while they seem pretty optimisitc, or at least held back in their communication. With the woman my age, who I'm most connected to in my work, I simply can't communicate beyond work stuff. I try to imitate normal conversations sometimes asking her about her life, and our boss seems to be convinced we'll be friends, just because we're the same age. But I'm a fucking sperg who's spent years as a NEET. The young woman just took off one week to travel, which meant I had like double the workload and barely any help, and yet work never felt this good for me, I wish she'd never return.
No. 336470
Are there any other gynophobics here?
I was abused by women as a child and as a result had a hard time understanding what female friendships were supposed to be like, got abused some more by crazy female 'friends', and without fail got dumped after the lovebomb phase by putting my foot down and saying 'no'. I'm currently working on being in environs with one or two women, my 'base' is mostly moid-dominated, because I feel more comfortable that way.
The people who have been there for me have without fail been male. Male friend and male relatives. I've come across bad ones too, but since I have a good 'template' or whatever for how men are supposed to treat me, I don't feel uncomfortable or at risk of losing friendship if I tell a scrotey moid to fuck off or go NC.
I also wish I had female friends sometimes since growing up has shown me that I do have stuff in common with them, but the women I felt comfortable around trooned out. At this point, I've accepted the fact that women are not really a part of my life. I really like female-focused anon or fandom spaces, because it allows us to connect over the subject and not social games, if that makes sense.
Please keep trying nonas.
No. 336926
I relate to so many of you, and agree that lolcow (and weirdfem corners on tumblr) are the only places where I can really relate to other women…
I was molested by the slightly older daughter of a family friend when I was very young. She got held back in school so she was actually in the same grade as me. She bullied me constantly and I lived my childhood in constant fear that she would tell everyone, that I was a lesbian (though I didn't know the word for it at the time) and that I was broken and disgusting. Always felt more like a boy, especially because of what happened.
So naturally I had issues making friends with anyone, but especially girls because I felt so weird around them. I played with the boys because they liked the things I liked, but I was bullied by both genders. I finally had some female friends in 6th grade, but they quickly abandoned me because I wouldn't break the rules with them.
I had a best friend in high school, but it was very co-dependent and looking back, I think I was in love with her romantically. We did everything together and it was the first time I ever felt like someone "got" me. But then I got a boyfriend (wanted to be straight/loved so bad) and we had a huge falling out. Then I broke up with him and we were best friends again… until she got a boyfriend. It led to a big fight, and we never spoke again. I tried so many times to reach out but she gave me the cold shoulder. She even got married and had a kid with this guy. Guess he was better than me.
I still don't drink alcohol to this day (other trauma lol) and that has excluded me from making friends as an adult, I think. I'm already weird, and on top of it I don't do the one group activity that everyone other adult loves. I don't like wine, I don't like make-up or spending thousands on my appearance, I don't seem to enjoy anything that the women around me like. I used to watch popular shows or listen to podcasts they liked just to have something to talk about with other women. But you can only keep that up for so long. Plus, the other women around me are getting married and having kids - like other anons said, it pretty much ends the friendship once they have the baby.
No. 337044
>>314525I'm at the age when my peers started having kids and it's all they can talk about. I've always seen the majority of women as NPCs, but now it's getting worse. Cook-clean-breastfeed-walk-wash-sleep is such a mind-numbing cycle. I feel like talking to a prisoner. And they look so fucking declawed, for the lack of a better word. Cautious about everything, anxious, noticeably slower on the uptake, perpetually busy with the baby. It makes me sick. The fathers don't lose their personalities btw, they don't have to.
God, human reproduction is fucked up. Can't relate to most women because they willingly go through that.
No. 337060
>>337044Whenever I read about women that want to be a mom I feel like there must be something wrong with me. Some women online talk about wanting to be a mom so bad they agonize over it every single day. I don’t understand that. Having a baby would just mean throwing my life and freedom away. I’m 30, that’s too young to put aside my life of self-fulfillment for having a child. I wish I was rich enough to freeze my eggs and revisit the idea in my 40s.
Then again, I just don’t want to go through body horror for 9 months. I find pregnancy demeaning and I feel guilty for that because it’s supposed to be this magical thing only us goddesses are capable of. But to me, it’s like you’re becoming a slave to another human being. Plus, caring about looks is lame but I really don’t want all those physical changes associated with pregnancy.
I think I might enjoy having like a 10 year old daughter I could expose to my hobbies and we could go shopping together. But I don’t want to do any of the mom stuff. Like don’t ask me to feed her or change her diapers or play with her. I have the maternal instinct of a very wealthy woman that has nannies working around the clock. Which is fine but I feel like that makes me lesser than other women? Logically I don’t understand myself, but emotionally I feel like I’m somehow failing because I want to choose myself.
My bf wants us to have several babies which is so weird because he works 60+ hours weeks. He would very rarely see our children. He makes much more money than I ever will, so I would either have to sacrifice my career to prioritize being a mom (story as old as time) or I would just have kids just for them to be raised by babysitters and after school programs. I’m afraid of becoming a stay at home mom, or just the type of woman that makes being a mom the defining aspect of her identity.
The other thing is marriage. I’ve never wanted to have a wedding or a proposal. I’m about to get married for financial reasons, so I’m going to show up to the courthouse that day in a normal outfit and just sign the papers and be on my way. I’m being called weird for this, by women who chose to do the whole wedding thing. I’m happy I don’t want one because that means I get to save a lot of money but I have this feeling that people think it’s my bf that doesn’t want a wedding and that’s why we aren’t having one. We’ve been together for a long time and my friends used to be on my ass about “why isn’t he proposing?”. They just assumed that would be something I wanted, because this was a huge deal to them. I’ve also been met with a lot of weirdly negative reactions from both friends and family for choosing to keep my name, which is a no-brainer to me.
No. 337064
>>337060Pregnancy
is demeaning it's good you get that don't let the miserable normies brainwash you they're trying to drag you down to their level. Keep your autonomy and don't let anyone or anything reduce you to a babymaker, the moment you become a mother is a death sentence essentially you void your right to be a full human being and everyone else is in on that, you will not be seen as your own person anymore you will be reduced only as a relation. And everyone is weirded out by your non marriage because you're not supposed to be your own person anymore in that either, you're supposed to be your husband's property hence the keeping your name also being an issue and flouting social norms. A wedding ceremony is supposed to be a song and dance trying to make selling you off to a man a celebration, it's a cover up to make something so bleak look good. You sound like a reasonably normal woman with grievances as to how things are and I know I sound insane right now but if you see these rituals for what they are then you will know. Good luck. Hopefully your husband does not kill your potential more than he already has and that you do not allow him to.
No. 337070
>>337044One of my friends had a daughter last year and it's the same. She went from a funny, witty and interesting woman with lots to talk about to a baby-crazy mombie. She quit her job to be a full time mom and conversations with her revolve around
>mommy-baby walk>went to x place with baby>went to the park with baby>daddy-baby photoshoot>home decor, how she wants to decorate room for baby>family walk>family trip to grandma's>baby clothes>mommy and daddy walking datesShe's also started posting photos of her husband and herself being all loved up on her socials when she never used to do that. Who even is this woman?
As you said, 'daddy' gets to work and hang out with his friends and spends maybe a few hours tops watching his kid. Her whole life is just baby this baby that mommy this mommy that I bought new pillows aren't they nice. It seems so depressingly empty and lonely, and most men my age want that. Hate being straight.
No. 337093
>>337060>about to be married>to a man who wants several kids when you want noneAnon wtf, love yourself. This isn't going to end well. I hope you've had a conversation with him making it clear you're not going to have children.
>>337044>>337092I feel really lucky in my friend group now. None of us want children and we've known this for a decade. We're all satisfied with taking care of pets.
No. 337095
>>337060Save yourself and stop the marriage!! You don't even like him that much, its for financial reasons and your future plans are so so different.
ALSO He doesn't care that you're:
- not having a ceremony
- aren't madly in love
- not taking his name (could be based in a different nigel but it sounds like he just doesnt give a fuck about anything about you)
- you don't want kids
He wants to use you to """carry on the lineage""" and sacrifice the next two decades of your life being barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen.
Is it the money? the tax benefits? the apartment you share? how tangled your finances already are and how much of a hassle it would be to separate? the memories you two already made? the seeming lack of other options (you will have much less if you marry him)? what reasons are you staying for?
No. 337220
>>337101I think you misunderstood what I meant by wanting to get married for financial reasons. Getting married would instantly up our yearly income by something like 13k/14k.
So I'm getting married not because I want to be married, but because I want more money.
His expenses are my concern anyway as all the money he makes is my money. I can spend it as I wish and I don't wish to spend it on a wedding.
>>337095>ALSO He doesn't care that you're:I didn't share my whole life for the sake of brevity, but my bf did want us to have a ceremony but accepted that I don't. He supports me not taking his name even though his family is being nasty about it. He was the one to approach me and let me know that he's fine with us not having kids if I don't want any.
Your reply is kind of what my post was about. Why is me not wanting a ceremony a problem? Why'd you assume I'm not madly in love, because I don't want a ceremony? Maybe this is me being overly sensitive but this is what I mean about feeling judged by other women. I can be madly in love with my bf and want to spend the rest of my life with him without wanting to have a wedding, or kids, or change my name.
No. 337276
>>337253You’re right, my decision to get married has nothing to do with love. Because I don’t need to be married to my bf to love him. I don’t need a paper nor do I need to declare our love in front of our friends and family for me to know and feel that we are committed to each other for life. I’ve been with him for a decade. That’s longer than some people who have had weddings and have shared a last name. Proposals, ceremonies, rings, taking another person’s name, all these things you named as meaningful don’t speak as to commitment or love. None of that means as much as you say it does because people do all that and still get divorced.
So I think you and the other anon are confusing personal preferences for objective measures of love and commitment.
No. 337310
>>337220shrug, sorry for overstepping your boundaries, then. the whole "minimum frills, minimum effort, minimum stress" thing just didnt make a good picture without your added context (the part where he's fine not having kids especially, duh). pretty sure that would be clear to a lot of people, but then again this IS the difficulties-relating thread. it sounded like you were being pushed into a marriage where no one's on your side, instead of just venting
congratulations on your upcoming marriage! i hope you two have many happy years!
No. 337399
>>314650After i came out my life became more lonely because I can’t sustain any more friendships with straight/bi women
It’s like i just can’t click with them and it seems so hard to find actual lesbians nowadays
No. 337436
>>337428That must be really hard nona, I’m femme but i never tell people i just met that I’m lesbian for that exact same reason but again if they were going to be homophobic then I shouldn’t be around them anyways
if i were you i’d consider living elsewhere
No. 337722
>>337611don’t listen to them
nonnie. they probably do this because they don’t know better and/or don’t have anything else to do because they’re the stupid ones. this always happens w the quiet/“weird” (weird only because you don’t meet what they think is normal) girl and the retarded basic ass bitches. i bet you’re amazing and have a great personality whilst they’re just some assholes . ignore them
nonnie you’re amazing, and remember, be yourself, don’t change for others it’s not worth it, you cant be likeable to everyone
No. 337723
>>337197imo they’re not your true friends
nonnie. in a friendship both teams have to listen to one another’s problems/thoughts and so on. i suggest you find some new friends who you can connect easily and who have the same interests/hobbies as you
No. 337919
>>314644>>332935>>317539>>317548>>317554>>318052Late to the party, but holy shit I have felt this way all my life. I might have a very mild form of ADD and/or ASD, and I've always been an outsider with no close male or female friends. I bounced between the "normies" and the "freaks" at my uni (was homeschooled straight through high school) and never fit in with either group. I also never outgrew my tomboy phase and looked up to males when I was younger. I also am aware of a lot of moid shit and it freaks me out that a lot of women willingly put up with it, but I would genuinely like a nigel someday if one comes into my life otherwise I won't bother with moids. I know this sounds scrotey but my main problem with interacting with women and girls and being in female-dominated spaces is how judgemental they can be, I just want to be a free tard without a care in the world sometimes. I've also had scenarios where I click with someone and then they get a boyfriend or they already have a boyfriend/husband and they ostracize me because I'm the single weirdo and then they do stuff with other coupled up women. I'm not saying they shouldn't do stuff with other couples or bring me a moid so I'm not the third or fifth wheel, but I've definitely been ghosted like that before and I don't understand why.
>>337727>It seems like a lot of women take it as a given that any woman that doesn't fit in is a "pick me" when a lot of us are legit autists or traumatizedI'm so sorry you had to deal with that nona. I grew up with an very misogynistic mother and a less misogynistic father and I feel like I have a lot of "internalized misogyny" because of that. I don't know if I should feel bad for hating my mother more than my father but she did practically crow with glee at the prospect of women and girls with unwanted pregnancies committing suicide after Roe was overturned and she loves to call women and girls including myself sluts if we wear "revealing" clothing, while my father is harsh on women in general at times but still somehow is less bad than my mother. It irritates me when I see feminists, especially radical feminists, downplay the behavior of women like my mother, saying they were victimized by growing up in a misogynistic environment and that they're only behaving like this to survive. My mother just wants to lord it over other women, simple as that. Sorry for the blogpost I just have to get it out there.
No. 337936
>>335697Idk is it?
Gnc is a dumb ass concept thought up by gendies
Just fuckin think about it
>I don't wear makeup (gendie)>I look butch (gendie)Honestly how much else is there needed to be gnc? You look like a dude but because you're not a dyke or trans you're gnc?
These things aren't new
No. 337941
>>337930Def not alone nona I do this all the time. I’m in a long term relationship so that part of my life is satisfied so I use all of my yearning on a bestie that doesn’t exist. I fantasize about similar things like you. Sending each other memes, finding new songs on Spotify and sending it to them asking their thoughts, showing each other favorite movies etc. And I have a really lame fantasy about getting matching strawberry glasses like in Nana (but having a happier ending lol). It makes me feel a little pathetic but just know it’s not only you.
I recently reconnected with my childhood best friend and I got a little too excited hoping we could have that, but she didn’t respond to my last text and I don’t want to humiliate myself by trying to reach out again. Rejection hurts but I still have hope that I’ll find my bestie one day
No. 337942
>>337727Are you me?
>It seems like a lot of women take it as a given that any woman that doesn't fit in is a "pick me" when a lot of us are legit autists or traumatizedI can't complain about this on lolcow anymore because whenever I do I'll get hostile responses calling me a pickme or NLOG. I don't even have any interest in male companionship of any kind. My dad was an asshole, every man I've ever spoken to was an asshole, I don't want to be picked.
My whole life I've just wanted a couple of nice besties but I got bullied a lot in school (I was autistic and probably too much into Neopets) and the girls who did want to spend time with me just didn't seem to like me much and treated me poorly. Now I'm too scared to talk to women and probably too old for making new friends anyway.
No. 338206
>>337930I used to fantasize about that growing up and sometimes now. I lost a lot of female friends for being gay, I've never even formerly come out to anyone IRL, but even when I was feminine straight girls sensed there was something "off" about me and treated me badly. It's not even wanting a romantic partner anymore, but I was never seen as or treated like a fellow woman by other woman because of sexuality.
>>337942>I can't complain about this on lolcow anymore because whenever I do I'll get hostile responses calling me a pickme or NLOGWow, you sound similar to me. Yeah, even in this own thread I've been called a NLOG even though all of my posts say I don't even look down on women different from me, I just feel lesser or an outsider to them. I feel like the way autistic/GNC/lesbian or bi girls get treated by other girls is why they become NLOGs in the first place, it's why I was as a teenager. I don't think it's ever too late or such thing as too old to make friends, but I notice it gets harder after 25 since most adults have a lifestyle they've settled into, and I'm still figuring out how to even get a new social life after losing my high school friends.
No. 338500
>>338109i get that but it's just like
i hate the thought that there needs to be some category to separate women from other woman with a term like they aren't normal or something
>gender non conformingi mean no one needs to conform to something that isn't really there anyway
gender = classification of age based on sex
man/woman
there are of course stereotypes associated with anything that exists, to me it's just like, yeah that person individually tends to be different on certain specific things but i would never see the need to think that someone is non-conforming as if there's some expectation that we are conforming in a way, it's just a natural thing sometimes and if you don't want to be a certain way it's nature/nurture/choice
you know, like a tomboy is a tomboy but its still a girl
just my thoughts though
No. 338950
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>>338746ayrt and I know how you feel! Its just awkward and it makes the friend making process more arduous than it needs to be. I'm trying to find other women who are in the same age range as me and being child free isn't a hard requirement, but I don't have kids right now and I'd like to be able to have fun with women who also aren't tied down by them.
No. 338976
>>338951Same ayrt and I agree wholeheartedly. I miss traditional style forums and I remember when people claimed they'd make a comeback with zoomers being so interested in web culture of our time, but I've yet to see that. If I do manage to find a community, I'll happily share it.
This just feels so crappy.
No. 339012
>>338950AYRT. Honestly, I would say being childfree matters to me when it comes to friends; Before I get called a NLOG in this thread again - I don't look down on mothers or married women, I just live a different lifestyle from them and can't relate. I'm happy to be out of my 20s, but the hardest part is how much harder it is to find like-minded friends. I see Gen Zs assume that they'll stop having their hobbies and interests at 30 and I wish that was true.
>>338951Everything has disappeared to private circles, too. I personally enjoy small niche Discord servers but they're so hard to find, the ones I'm in are for close friends only and I was invited my acquaintances, and the public ones tend to suck.
No. 339042
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>>339012Same anon and I agree. I don't look down on married women or mothers either. Its just different when they have a family and of course their family comes first. I'd never expect to be the priority. I just don't want to deal with the scheduling conflicts again or feeling like we're all on very different levels when it comes to being able to relate to one another. My aunts are all great about having a balance between still doing things with their girlfriends and being mothers. They don't neglect either side and I love that about them because they also have careers on top of it all and husbands who love them.
>public Discord serversHard agree. I made the mistake of trying those out years ago and briefly during pandemic when we were all forced to be inside and it was just terrible. The mature and 18+ tags equate to sex with those people and its troublesome how even when you go into a 25+ server, you'll see at least one rogue fresh out of high schooler that wandered in and the mods let them stay for what I assume are nefarious reasons. Saying something about it awakens some weird borg chip in their brains and the entire server gangs up on you right before you're banned and they act like you're the crazy one for wondering what the fuck people at very different stages of their lives have in common with one another.
No. 339064
>>337739Ayrt, unfortunately I don't (downside of going to a liberal arts school) but I'm definitely determined to make friends in the new area I'm moving to.
>>337919>It irritates me when I see feminists, especially radical feminists, downplay the behavior of women like my mother, saying they were victimized by growing up in a misogynistic environment and that they're only behaving like this to survive. My mother just wants to lord it over other women, simple as that.Completely agree
nonnie. I understand why people on here are quick to defend women but regardless of how much our mom's behaviors were caused by men, /they/ were still the people who didn't get help for their behavior and hurt us, their daughters, directly…
No. 339478
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>>339470Ayrt and I get where you're coming from, but these were mostly moid mods and I got the feeling that they weren't just talking about shared hobbies together. I'll admit that until pandemic/lockdown/quarantine I forgot that zoomers even existed and would be online because I didn't interact with people that much younger than me offline. My classes were full of people around my age and older and so was my job. I've been using pinterest for the first time lately and I do see how the commenters on lots of things I save both fandom and makeup wise are mostly zoomers.. and they kinda stay saying retarded shit. I truly do see what people mean now about how they look for excuses to bring up trannies or gender bullshit out of nowhere or invent reasons to get soapboxy in the comments over an imaginary 'cause'.
>>339476Nta (I was literally typing a reply up to the one above you as your post came up kek) but I posted my stuff in ff and I can relate to you guys. Its just that I took some time offline and I've been able to somewhat (though not always successfully) integrate into a semblance of normalcy. There are still residual traits there though. I also feel the need to warn you to exercise caution with adding such people because while I'm not saying that the nonas you're quoting have ulterior motives, but I have seen nonas end up pulling a 180 on others and trying to hurt them or collect info. I've also been on the receiving end of nonas pretending to want to talk to us (myself and other women in a group) and just because we didn't respond within 2 minutes, she freaked out, called us vapid whores, and stormed out of the chat. We still suspect that she was probably a friend of incels who joined because she thought it would make her look good to crap all over total strangers.
No. 339546
>>314585Pet retard. So fucking true.
Never looked to for an opinion, casually ignored, always the odd one out, standing awkwardly behind the others.
They're nice, but you can feel that you're not welcome, that you don't belong.
No. 339935
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>>339885Pretty sure anon is referring to places that execute lesbians for attempting to flee to Turkey for asylum like what happened in 2021/2022, but go off pretending nona..
No. 340123
>>340121I getyou, sister.
'Girly-girls' get weirdly offended when you try to banter with them, it's off-putting.
The best I can really offer is to try finding Scandi moids to hang out with in internet spaces.
From my POV, Girl-centric internet has been invaded by normie girls, and it sucks, we didn't want them there and they absolutely do shit it up for nerdy females seeking other nerdy females.
No. 340388
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>>340121You sound similar to me, nona, like eerily similar. We'd probably get along pretty well, I don't really know what to say other than that.
No. 340483
>>340454> I'm a big turn-based strategy and Paradox fan, and yeah, we do have female fansHey, me too! What other games do you like? My favorite is Gary Grigsby's War in the East and War in the Pacific.
Out of Paradox games, it's CK2, but my recent guilty pleasure is Imperator: Rome. The latter is not hard but any Paradox game after HOI3 is casual, plus the wars of the Diadochi was fucking kino. It was worth playing I:R for that alone.
Other games I really like are FromSoft games my favorite being Bloodborne.
> It's also doesn't help that I don't care all that much about shipping or thirsting after husbandosEh, I'm guilty of doing that occasionally but it's mostly waifus for me.
No. 340505
>>340483>Eh, I'm guilty of doing that occasionally but it's mostly waifus for me.Nayrt, but I was thinking about something related to this earlier. I definitely think being a lesbian or mostly into women (and consequently into more scrote-oriented media) is one of the most common factors that result in feeling alienated from other, especially straight, women.
Recently I got so tired of interacting with scrotes I've been trying to go the opposite way and getting, at least superficially, into BL and such (as I'm already familiar with the weeb scene and don't mind shipping anyway) but I just can't bring myself to care particularly much about most male characters (nor find them attractive). It just feels like I really don't belong even in "weird woman" spaces, and if I was a fujo I could find some sense of community at least, but seeing nonnies struggling in similar ways is comforting…
No. 340517
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>>340505> is one of the most common factors that result in feeling alienated from other, especially straight, womenIt really is. Although in my case, I'm partly to blame. It's difficult for me to not fall for a woman who has similar let alone common interests with me. At my previous workplace, the girl I've worked with was into soulsborne games, sci-fi, tech etc. and I feel like a creep for developing feelings just like that while trying not to. She was straight and already had a bf but I don't know if I could cultivate a friendship without getting myself a heartache.
> It just feels like I really don't belong even in "weird woman" spaces, It sucks. I can't get into BL or fujo communities either but I can't think of other "weird woman" spaces that I could potentially join. And then again, whenever I'm in spaces dominated by women, because of my potential attraction to them, I feel like a predator but that's my problem and something I should work on.
No. 340533
>>340517>It's difficult for me to not fall for a woman who has similar let alone common interests with me.I think most lesbians can relate to this sadly, especially when coupled with how small our dating pool is. It got a bit better for me after going through a few disappointing “relationships” (with people with very similar tastes to mine, specifically), I might’ve involuntarily put myself off from seeking romantic connections but it’s not looking much better now since, as I mentioned, finding women I can click with to befriend is just as rare…
>And then again, whenever I'm in spaces dominated by women, because of my potential attraction to them, I feel like a predator but that's my problem and something I should work on.I think as long as you don’t act creepy or predatory towards those women most probably wouldn’t mind (or even know), I don’t see why they would unless you were dealing with raging homophobes (I understand this doesn’t work as smoothly in every country, though). Romantic attraction to people is just natural and something we can’t really control, and most women usually approach it much differently than the average raging scrote, so I’m sure you’re fine in that sense nona. Dealing with heartache and your own self perception is a different task, though…
No. 340543
>>340533> with people with very similar tastes to mineDo you mind telling more about your interests? And I'm sorry to hear about the disappointing relationships, I hope you find happiness soon enough! But yeah, finding women with similar interests romantically or not gets tougher with every year and it's also highly dependent on your location. Even lesbians in big cities complain about the terrible dating pool. It's nightmare mode difficulty once you're in a relatively small town. Same goes for finding (girl)friends. I tried getting into cooking classes and anything that was available near me for some group activities and while there were more women there, it's hard to establish a connection when apart from cooking together, we don't have much else in common. I always get a feeling I need to put on a mask so it doesn't work out.
> unless you were dealing with raging homophobesOnly a select few people know about my attraction to women. I've never been with a man but most people assume I'm straight so while interacting with lots of straight women in a rather liberal part of Europe, I was unpleasantly surprised how disdainful and hateful they can be when talking about lesbians. Not all obviously but enough to make me self-conscious when I'm among them.
> Dealing with heartache and your own self perception is a different task, though…True and it's a very long and arduous process for me. I hope it's not the same for you. And thanks for the kind words, anon!
No. 340553
>>340543>Do you mind telling more about your interests? Sure, although they're very standard male imageboard user ones… I used to be really, really into japanese media, I'm not nearly as much now but I'm probably more knowledgeable than desired still. Lately I've been trying to mostly consume western movies and music, in an attempt to click with more and different kinds of people, but even there I often end up turning towards more niche or male-dominated genres (eg. I really like older war movies and history in general, but I refuse to befriend autistic males just because of it).
For that same reasons games likes the ones you mentioned have always sounded interesting to me, but growing up I couldn't play vidya at all, so I'm not that big of a gamer admittedly.
It's nice to hear you've been trying though, nona, it's not always easy to put yourself out there! I have been eyeing some painting courses near me too, but as you said I wouldn't really expect to make any long lasting connection from those (plus I'm picturing most of the women to be in their late 30s/40s, with families and such, which would make clicking even harder), It's probably still nice as a new experience, as it's sadly been a while from the last time I made new irl friends, or interacted in group settings outside of school/work ahah.
>Only a select few people know about my attraction to women. I've never been with a man but most people assume I'm straight so while interacting with lots of straight women in a rather liberal part of Europe, I was unpleasantly surprised how disdainful and hateful they can be when talking about lesbians.Oh, I relate a lot! I also am European and usually straight-passing, which I understand is a bit of a privilege… I had some peculiar experiences actually, I found more than one woman calling herself bisexual/“bi-curious” in the wild, but I have no idea how much of it was genuine and how much mostly performative due to, as you said, spending most of my time in a relatively liberal city. It made me feel like less of an outcast in a way, but at the same time like my sexuality should be an accessory to parade around vs just something that is there? I don't know, pretty weird situation all in all.
>I hope it's not the same for you.It sadly has been, but it feels more bearable lately, as I mentioned. Thank you nona, you're very kind too, I really appreciated your well wishes!
No. 340654
>>332935omgomg lets sperg about tf2
nonnie (dinos too, but i don't have that much knowledge when it comes to them)
No. 340799
>>340505>Nayrt, but I was thinking about something related to this earlier. I definitely think being a lesbian or mostly into women (and consequently into more scrote-oriented media) is one of the most common factors that result in feeling alienated from other, especially straight, women.NTA but I'm in a similar boat, I don't even bother posting what games/female characters/etc I like because I know I'll get accused of being a moid even by some other lesbians. (I wouldn't even say I have
that scroteish tastes since I hate most fanservice and modern anime, I mostly like the same stuff I did in high school.) Being in mixed-sex or mostly male nerd spaces even online made me like a hen in a fox house, I was always scared of moids sexually harassing me (and some have hit on me when I was younger despite being openly into waifus and whatnot). But then in female nerdy spaces, I 100% prefer it, but I worry I make women uncomfortable, or I was often the only lesbian there.
>>340517>It sucks. I can't get into BL or fujo communities either but I can't think of other "weird woman" spaces that I could potentially join.Same. I like homosexual ships in general, but I just can't get invested in M/M as much as F/F to be a full-blown fujo and talk to women primarily into BL. I kind of envy lesbian fujoshi since that would be a perfect gateway to weird woman spaces and meeting similar lesbians.
>>340549A big reason why I'm such a loner IRL is most women around me are straight and married with kids. I know this will get me called a NLOG again, but I've lost so many friendships growing up for being a lesbian, I just don't want to bother befriending 99% of straight women anymore. I've had moments where I "passed as straight" and these women would say things to my face about how scared they are of lesbians raping them or how lesbians aren't real, it's so hard to feel "sisterhood" when most women hate you.
No. 340930
>>340909I'm not a jpop fan in general but there is one jpop idol group I'm fan of and I cant find any female fans who are my age. Male fans seem pretty active in the fandom but I don't wanna talk with them. The younger female fans all have their roots in kpop and I genuinely don't feel like dealing with their "slay queen" shit or how you aren't allowed to say anything slightly negative about a member because it makes you an anti[spoiler]that word makes me barf so much[/apoiler] even though the whole point of the group is that the members builds and improves talents and competes against each other so it should be encouraged to point out a member's weakness. I know there are women my age who likes this group too since I have found old inactive fanblogs but I don't know where they are now. they probably all moved to discord too.
I get the impression that the women who got interested in jpop and idols back in the 00-10 lost interest and moved on to other stuff but I still see men who have supported the same groups for years
No. 341035
I have a lot of trouble relating to average women. Despite being straight (and not in denial or closeted) I often find myself in situations where I feel more comfortable around lesbians or non-binary/TIFs rather than my fellow straight women and it makes me feel like a weird outcast even more. Like I don't belong with the gays since I'm straight and never identified as a tranny either and I also don't belong with the straight women since their life and relationships tend to be very focused on their current bf and I'm single, virgin and have no experience. When I talk to them I can't add anything new to the convo. Then there's the other category of nerdy straight women who should be more similar to me but a lot of them still end up gushing about romance, a topic which I genuinely despise. I don't wanna hear about ships, it doesn't make make my heart flutter, I don't "self-insert" or project on the heroine and it only reminds me of how single and lonely I am. It makes me feel jealous because they're still so open to the idea of love and dating men, while I know that in reality men are not interested in me. I'm not ugly by any means I just can't socialize with them, I don't know how to flirt and they never make the first move. They seem to acknowledge my presence but at the same time it's like they're scared of me. I've seen them laugh and have fun with girls that have very average looks, so it's not like they only go for hyper attractive girls, and they seem to get seduced so easily meanwhile it's like I'm completely invisible. I almost don't feel like a proper girl, as I said I never identified as a tranny, but at the same time I feel like I'm so alienated from the average female experience and that I'm only a weird sexless blob drifting in the universe
No. 341414
>>341035Anon you are literally me, I'm not delusional but I'm not fugly either, and am generally dressed more feminine than most of my female peers and yet I still get zero male attention. I have alot of conflicting feelings and hang ups regarding my sexuality, I want to have a boyfriend and have sex but I also feel like it's very unnatural and out of character for me. I am ashamed to have desires and crushes, and people always seem uncomfortable/taken aback when they realise that I am a sexual being. No guy has ever "slid into my dms" back when I had social media, no guy has ever confessed to me, it makes me feel like I'll never be a real woman. A lot of people seem genuinely shocked when I tell them that I am not a lesbian, it's like the very idea of me being in love with a man is incongruent with reality. Sometimes my inner
femcel takes over and I get kind of sad that guys seem to like boring girls more than girls with similar interests, it's like being into the same shit that they are is a turn off for some reason. I used to convince myself that the guys I liked would like me because my personality would win them over but so far they have always chosen another more 'basic' girl over me. I've also seen way uglier girls get confessions and love letters and it makes me wonder what is so wrong with me lol.
No. 341481
>>341414Males prefer dumb normies whores instead of NLOG with "interesting personality"
Took you long enough to understand this, jesus.
No. 341485
>>341454>>341464If a moid is too spineless coward who's afraid to make a move towards the woman he likes, do you really think that such a worthless soboy deserves your attention?
Or you have such low self-esteem that you pick up trash?
No. 341525
>>341481i also feel that guys go for basic girls because they are more aproacheble and simple, and they can feel a sense of superiority over them and can show off. but i don’t wanna fall in this “guys go for dumb girls and ignore the good ones” which is just nice guy rhetoric for women.
the real difference is that other girls are more socially apt than me, and i underestimated how important that is. they and are more warm, friendly and have other social qualities that make them desirable. even if i’m more serious, loyal more pretty and whatever society told me was valuable in a person, i lack a lot in places which makes it harder for others to get close to me or mingle in lots of groups and they are not to blame. i was wrong to expect that people would be kinder about it and that i would just seem “quirky” and be accepted.
in reality men go for what is easiest. they have almost no confidence in themselves ( cause they aren’t some social geniuses either ) and try their luck with the most accesible welcoming non-threathing girl they have around.
it’s a kind of hierarchy of women they have not even based on looks, style, weight, but on how perceptive you are and your likability. which should make it easier to date for normal people but for me all this social openness and expected all round positivity makes it 10x harder
No. 341545
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>>314525I never realized what was happening around me and why it seemed that I almost always fell in this inferior spot, being told lots of sly comments to which I couldn't say anything back, feeling excluded but still being asked to do things for them which iI had no way of refusing without appearing “mean” etc until I found this book “ Odd Girl Out.The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls” by Rachel Simmons, which helped me understand what my little brain never could figure out about social dynamics.
Girls are the best and men could never replace the depth they have, but if they are ill intentioned they can make your life a living hell and keep you walking on eggshells wondering what you have done wrong, say shit behind your back just to secure a better social image, ESPECIALLY if you say different things and seem naive.
It’s like having a target placed on your head. This book talked about how girls understand early on that your social relationships are the most valued thing we as girls posses and they know that your social reputation is the most important and at the same time sensible thing you have. Gossiping behind your back about whatever little thing you did wrong or said wrong helps them bond with the other girls they wanna have on their side in order to feel secure.
I always wondered why girls seem to love to make me feel like I am not one of them until I figured it’s just a social game they play in order to garner attention and importance in group settings. If you don’t have other people around like you who are less conventional, you are screwed, cause anything that doesn’t conform is othered.
No one warns you of how scheming girls can get and you’re told all girls are these angels who never do no wrong, but if you’re autistic the invisible nuanced shit they do keeps you in a constant state of paranoia about why you are not enough, but the whole point is to make you feel bad. Girls have this undetectable way of turning your back and making sure you know and never being direct about anything. Being direct as a girl seems to be the biggest faux pas ever and being passive and ambiguous is how you should approach things (?)
No. 341546
>>341545Being an autistic girl is so incredibly hard. With all the experiences I've had of people taking advantage of how gullible and naive I was and secretly giggling about how weird I was, I have no idea how redpillers can say that women have it "easier". If you don't fit an exact mold you're socially isolated.
It's so refreshing to see people finally talk about this. Neurotypicals will go crazy about validating neopronouns for reddit brownie points but will then go and laugh at an autistic girl's "weird" special interests.
If you're an autistic guy, the guys will still let you into the group and be like "meh he's a bit weird but he's chill and funny"
My whole silver lining of all of this, is the few best friends I've made have been true, loving, empathetic lifelong friends I've had for years. Even if I don't fit in with the instagram girl squads who have bridesmaid parties and hawaii trips in matching bikinis, I have something far better and far more real. I remember asking a therapist if she could "train me to be more normal" and she said "As long as you are not being rude or inappropriate, if people do not like you because you are neurodivergent, it is entirely their problem." That always stuck with me as comforting.
No. 341582
>>341580invoking biology is so dumb, you do know those animals fight each other to death in order to be picked, not wait around for a sexy female gorilla to ask them out for dinner ?
the men who are too afraid to act on their attraction to women are losers. no healthy man past the age of like 15 is a little bitch who expects women to dote on him and magically chose them, that’s the incel dream
No. 341614
>>341610>>341595>>341582Im not saying to ask men out, you autists have no sense of subtlety. I guess thats why you are in this thread. You let a guy know you like him, and then he chases you. Its like none of you know how to flirt or show a man you are interested without saying it straight out. If you have a resting bitch face and sit awkwardly in a corner stimming, you really think any guy is going to approach you apart from predatory pickup artists? No! No sane girls would approach you either.
And btw, almost all women have chosen their partner apart from ones who were married off. Your grandma would drop her handkerchief in front of the man she liked and let him pick it up and give it to her, and then make his move on her. You shoot a guy you like a look, give him a little smile, stuff like that. Use your charm to get the guy you think is attractive, waiting around for men to approach your weird uninterested acting ass isnt going to happen, hence all the anons saying no man has ever done that to them and they worry if they are too ugly or whatever. No, you just have no understanding of how men work, or humans in general
No. 341624
>>341614>You let a guy know you like him, and then he chases you.You sound like you just figured that yesterday, moid. Making the first move is about making a real move not flirting and “showing them signs” you idiot.
You sound like a male loser blaming women for not being explict enough with you. Most men who act like losers are losers.
why are you derailing the thread to make it about beta males?
No. 341639
>>341532So you're telling me all I ever had to do was gifting them six bags of
flower flour for a week straight and we'd be at our max friendship level?
No. 341707
>>341699Remember to smile and be social.
Also if you stuck in place with a group of people try to get along at least with one of those people.
When you are an outsider and don't hang out with them at all, people will think you're rejecting them and might shit on you behind your back.
No. 341720
>>341699-never touching “taboo” subjects in conversation like feminism, beauty standards, men etc regardless of how long you know that person. not even years not even childhood friends nothing. normies do their best to ignore those topics in their life
i once said men generally avoid doing housework when a friend was telling me about how her boyfriend pushes everything about cleaning the house on her and she looked at me like i said the unspeakable. there is no way to package it and the best is to not say anything.
even if they themselves are complaining about these subjects, they have a very superficial way of going about it and you should just agree with their view and not say more
-never share even a mildy bad opinion about someone even if that third person actually did something shitty even to her also. they make you believe you both are on the same side and they are opening up to you but they will bait you to say even the smallest thing that can be taken out of context and manipulated. they do this backstabing so that the third girl she is gossiping about will target you and she will be “clean” and maybe get closer to the third girl for sharing dirt on you. in general they love to gossip by asking shit and then go around and act like you are the one that gossips, not them asking for it to use behind your back.
or not even opinions on other people, if you ever said anything that is not in line with the group thinking about whatever subject they use that to diminuish your image and keep you outside the group
they love to make you a target so that they avoid being the target. it’s like eat or be eaten but everything happens behind the scenes and you don’t have the chance to speak for yourself
No. 341723
>>341720same fag but as a tldr, girls sense immediately if you are different then them and if they aren’t the right kind of people for you but you are stuck with them in a work setting, the most you can do is keep to yourself and limit the damages.
i don’t want to sound so negative but girls do have a bigger potential of pulling social tricks on you rather than men.
No. 341756
>>341743You're probably just being lighthearted & cheeky calling it bribery but in this thread I would be careful with that kind of advice lest some socially awkward nona take it literally.
It's called a gift when you're friends, something you give to express fondness or affection or just
this tchotchke at the gas station made me think of you lol without expecting anything back. If someone is only interacting with you because you give them gifts, that's not your friend and you haven't bribed them you have played yourself. That kind of thing can get out of balance very fast if you have wrong expectations…
No. 341765
In many ways, I can't relate to most lolcow users. For example, they're so obsessed with nitpicking other women's appearance even though they always complain that "ugly" men (any man that isn't a 10/10 according to their own standards which they can't even agree on) get shilled everywhere while women are held to ridiculous standards. So their solution to that is… judge women's appearance more brutally? Double down on promoting obsession with looks? Punish women for not being attracted to the "right" kind of men?
And this is something they share with normie women: they're so fucking obsessed with their own looks and aging. If you dare mention that you don't have a "skincare routine" they act like you just confessed to murder. My mother is also obsessed with finding ways to remove her wrinkles and reverse her aging process even though she's nearing 50 and she already looks healthy and young for her age. You can tell she's deeply insecure and dreads the inevitable (becoming an old, wrinkly woman) because her self-worth is tied to her appearance and sexual attractiveness, but you cannot mention ANY of this to any normie woman or she'll treat you like a freak from then on, because of what
>>341720 said about never touching taboo subjects. Women are terrified of aging and looking ugly, but I couldn't give less fucks about that (of course I still like looking good to my own standards of style, but I'm not obsessed with looking perfect and young, I don't hate my natural looks despite being average, nor do I cry every time I see an ugly person). I don't know why it's such a crime to tell a farmer "hey, you're insecure as fuck, you need to accept that aging is a natural process, what you call "ugly" in reality is just normal but modern society has warped your perception of reality and detached you from real life to the point you recoil in disgust when you see an average face, and wanting to look young and like a supermodel at all times is not healthy". It might just be moids trolling but the shit where nudes were posted and farmers kept insulting those women's bodies depressed me so much. In real life I've never seen such level of hatred from woman to woman over her body parts, but I know they were just projecting because most women have some level of body dysmorphia. I say I don't care if I have saggy boobs for not wearing a bra all the time and my mother makes fun of me. Seeing her in bed recovering for weeks after her breast augmentation surgery and liposuction, and seeing the horrifying scars on her body left after that (her body does not look normal anymore, it looks botched and like the surgery was painful), might have actually traumatized me. Right now as I'm writing this I realize that both her and my aunt, who got implants at the same time, whenever they try to defend horrible scrote behavior or try to enforce gender conformity and femininity on me, that I don't have to take them seriously because, as their plastic surgery shows, they're just very insecure and inadvertently trying to make me as insecure as them, trying to get me to tie my self-esteem to what they think is the ideal woman (which they'll never achieve). They never took
me seriously either so it's just not meant to be. It's a miracle that I didn't troon out, really.
If you don't care about looks (neither men's, women's, or your own), if you don't want to "secure the bag" and instead want to be independent and not date, if you want to wait for a man that's not a porn addict and doesn't believe in retarded gender stereotypes and roles, if you don't want to have children for any reason, or even if you don't engage in typically feminine activities such as religiously applying makeup, wearing impractical but "pretty" clothes that are mostly designed to give scrotes boners, or constantly going shopping for overpriced trendy clothes and shoes, you'll be seen as a freak by other women, even though you realize none of those things are normal, or healthy, or desirable (except having children, arguably).
No. 341777
>>341767i relate a lot to the things you said about your mother. my mom is also 50+ and recently went crazy to try to look young skinny fresh and it’s painfull to see the mental gymastics she does not to name the social expectations.
but to tie it back to this thread. most girls don’t worry about this kind of stuff and will avoid it by saying everything they do is a personal preference.
i always wondered why all women are so keen on maintaing the social norm and any deviation is treated so serious like saying you don’t have a skincare routine, or you don’t go to the gym, why does it evoke such distaste as if you failed morally.
i think the biggest diference is that most girls treat social image and conformity as the be all end all. that is their biggest motivator and tool they have in society. they invest their all in being socially and i’m starting to think they are right ngl, almost no one give a shit about what goes in your head, and the more maleable you are the more places you fit into, so yeah they are onto something
ofc you should always be yourself and when you meet people who are also true to themsleves life is so beautiful, but at the same time you have to navigate a lot of social places where you are not welcomed for no seemingly clear reason which keeps you in a state of limbo
No. 342657
>>342579It's not normal at all anon. Either it's a lie or they're repressed/censoring themselves. And if it's true then they have issues. Also you need to remember the whole "sex positive" thing that's promoted lately is mostly performative and female desire is still very taboo and embarrassing.
>Not being visually attracted by anybodyThis one here's a plain lie. Even then, it could be they've been bullied before. That was my case, because of former frenemies from ages ago shaming me, I never mention finding anyone handsome or attractive except on this website because I'm afraid it will be used to mock or humiliate me. Not to mention people are more and more pornbrained and will interpret the most normal comment into something degenerate.
>Not caring if partner is physically attractiveThat one comes up sometimes from girls who don't want to appear vain, or who have been made to feel like they're too ugly to have preferences, or feel guilty for wanting someone attractive (Occasionally, from girls who can't find someone they like where they live to a point they either settle for whoever's nice or start questioning their sexualities)
>Not caring about orgasmingAgain either repression, guilt, weird saintly sacrifice complex, or they just gave up.
>Never or (very rarely feeling) horny spontaneously/from own fantasies, need to be touched or have sex initiated to get in the moodCould be more self-censoring, could be they've been exposed to porn early (stunts the development of your own fantasies sort of, and makes you numb to them)
Either way, female sexuality doesn't have to be that bleak. This is just my own impressions based on various interactions I've had both IRL, on the internet and some of my own life experience though, so I might be completely wrong. Gave up on friendship a few years ago already.
No. 342669
>>342579that’s cause female sexuality is represented in order to serve men by mainstream media
this whole “not caring about looks, orgasms, not expressing sexual fantasies” is shifting the responsability on women to have no preference and placing no blame on how men carry themselves.
men want sex with beautiful women. women son’t want sex with, usually ugly let’s be real, men. yet women and treated as these vain demons. if men were equally as attractive as women, there wouldn't be this gender war. but the first reason why they even like women is the exact same “vain” reason but for women it’s turned into a moral issue while they themselves don’t see past looks
wanting a pretty partner is a common human desire, but it’s only sin when women do it. feminine desires should be minimal and catering to loser men. that’s why sexuality for women is hush hush in the media
No. 342769
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I was debating whenever i should post this here or in the autism thread but this seems more appropriate.
Ive always struggled with connecting with anyone regardless of sex. I became very aware of the way men/boys view girls in a young age so I never bothered making any meaningful relationship with boys. Connecting with girls growing up is hard because there was some expectation that i should be able to "get" their banter. At least when i said/did something stupid around boys they shrugged it off because im "just a girl". But when i behaved in an awkward manner around girls they wouldnt even try to hide they thought it was funny. Boys brushed me of as that weird girl and would mostly leave me alone but girls would openly mock me. I never cared for getting approval from boys as a child so those rare occasions they called me weird didnt hurt as much as when girls called me weird.
Hanging out with female-solidarity type of women as an adulti dont wanna call them radfem. they are normies and probably identifies as libfems but they have some rad-leaning ideas and could probably become radfem if they where introduced to radfem litt helped me opening up more because they are way more forgiving towards odd behaviour and tries to make everyone in the conversation feel included. However feel like they can be dismissive towards my struggles.
>i tell them i was treated badly by female classmates in school
>"anon they didnt mean that. girls are constantly pitted against each other it was society that did this to you"
>tell them that its true but it still doesnt change the fact i was mistreated and many girls had female bullies
>"its common for girls to be punished for breaking norms. tomboys and lesbian girls often gets bullied"
>tell them its true but my bullying had nothing to do with that and it was because i have aspergers
>the only part they hear is aspergers
so they ignore all i just said and start talking about how much they hate autistic and aspie males and i just dont know how to react. i was talking about my own experience but they actually dont care about how badly autistic females are treated they just want an excuse to umpromptly rant about men.
I cant talk about aspergers with autistic/aspie women either. i think most aspie women wants to focus on the positive things in life and ignore the negative, not that i blame them but it means you cant get a meaningful conversation. I dont umpromplty talk about autism but when we already are on the subject they never go into the shitty parts. its not that i think every conversation should be trauma-dumping but why bring it up in the first place then? its always them saying stuff like
>i hate bright lights so i couldnt go the the mall as a kid
>trying to relate by telling them i experienced something similar but then
>"nvm lets change subject!"
I dont know if there is some female socialisation at play where they dont wanna come of as a burden by talking about their struggles or if they are socially awkward. But i never experience this with male autists. They are more willing to have a conversation about how lonely this disorder can be or the shitty symptoms. Im faaaaar from one of the boys i cant talk to men in any other context but men are the only one who are willing to discuss this shit. The only person who i ever have connected with regarding aspergers is an autistic man. He was sympathetic towards my struggles growing up and we could relate. Not that he was perfect though he could be dismissive towards the misogyny i faced which sucked.
It probably doesnt help that my aspergers is very "male-like". I come off as smug when talking about my interest and often go UM ACTUALLY when correcting people. i used to interrupt people too but i worked on getting rid of that habbit. I ramble alotif this textwall isnt an indication i kinda act like a less extreme version of picrel. So thats contributes to why other autistic women dont want to talk to me
TL:DR i have odd behaviour because im an aspie, bullied by girls growing up because of this. Non-aspie and autistic women denies the bullying, cant hang out with aspie and autistic women either because my behaviour is too odd
No. 342771
>>342769Women can be/are just as terrible to other women as men. I'm sorry you were treated so poorly in school. Women with autism/aspergers have it especially rough.
High school bullying has given me trauma responses when it comes to women my age or younger. I can't stand to hear women's laughter if it's from behind me sometimes, refuse to be around teenage girls, and I just always assume that women in my general age range are going to be mean to me. I honest to God have panic attacks in certain cases. I deal with older women much better.
No. 342826
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Someone mentioned this in the husbando thread and nonnas made fun of her, but I'm the same way in which I develop crushes on other fujoshis/girl losers so easily. It's really only this specific type of girl, I don't know where it comes from. I draw yaoi porn and I became mutuals with this girl, and I guess I have a sort-of crush on her? I don't really know. I don't even share many similar interests with her, and I've only seen her face once, so this infatuation is heavily dependent on the fact that she's a loser.
This is more based in my own weird personal interpretations of my girl/girl friendships being misconstrued as a different type of relationship and attraction, so I put it here instead of the bi girl thread.
No. 343062
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No. 343348
>>342579Thank you for making this post! This is one of the main reasons I feel like a freak compared to other women. Always been incredibly visual, and to top it all off I have a high libido and have been celibate all my life. Women IRL and online have kinda misinterpreted my sexuality. I've been assumed to be
>shallow and doomed to be alone because I find a lot of men visually disgusting >basically a coomer who masturbates all day (even though I make it clear that I hate porn and the moids who watch it, and how can I find time to do that when I work overtime regularly and have other shit to do)>some sort of demisexual or something>only have high libido because I have limited sexual experience and it would go away after I got some (it didn't even go away after I found out about all the gross shit moids do, I don't think it would go away after that fml)I've brought up the subject with women who are also celibate, and they've told me they aren't very visual/not visual at all and/or have a much lower sex drive.
>>342657>I never mention finding anyone handsome or attractive except on this website because I'm afraid it will be used to mock or humiliate me. Not to mention people are more and more pornbrained and will interpret the most normal comment into something degenerate. I have a thing for
goth/alternative guys especially the more "feminine" looking ones Although I'd probably be considered a member of that subculture, I rarely dress the part because of my job, and I'm worried I would be seen as a complete coomer monstrosity if I admitted my attraction.
>>342699>I can relate to the wanting to be desired thing to some extent, it's nice to feel sexy and desirable but the main thing for me is finding the other person attractive.For me a guy I find attractive finding me visually attractive (in a non-gross way) is great, but it isn't a turn-on, it's more of a safety thing in a weird way. Like I hate moids who use "visual attraction" to women as a way to excuse their disgusting behavior, but I would be kinda scared of an adult straight man who isn't visually attracted to an adult woman to some extent. I would instantly assume he's lying, closeted, or into very sick shit instead of him being the rare nonvisual man. I've even been misinterpreted by other women by stating this. They assume I want to fuck coomers even though one of pornrot's main symptoms is finding normal vanilla stuff unappealing.
No. 344184
> mention to friend I'm not going to sperg about something because I talk about it too much
> friend says they want to hear my sperg
> actually sperg about something
> no reply for an hour and then they send the tl;dr meme
The obliviousness of normie women and their casual cruelty to autistic women is something else entirely. How are you going to know I sperg a lot, watch me say "I'm not going to sperg about this," encourage me to sperg, then get annoyed I took you seriously? How about you take responsibility for the fact that you told me it was OK to do and just smile and say "cool" and move on? What do you win by putting me down?
I have a theory that most of the most groundbreaking feminist theorists were lesbian/bisexual, autistic, had PTSD/other mental illness, or some other noticeable divergence from the mainstream. I'm autistic and I always thought the concept of femininity and masculinity were bullshit from a young age. The double standards between men and women were so obvious to me. I spent a lot of time struggling against expectations of girls/women because I was naturally androgynous in my style and attitude, and because I have a strong moral fixation, I was very into feminism and highly observant about the discrepancies in treatment of women. The normie girls around me did not care, did not view any of the shit I mentioned as problematic as all, and actively played into femininity because it got them attention. They only became feminists after they got burned on the dating scene. It's maddening because they only began to care once they couldn't play the game anymore. If they had gotten everything they wanted, they would not be feminists. Gay women and autistic women cannot win in this system and so we have no choice but to continue fighting. We're always on the periphery of womanhood, our acceptance is always conditional, and if we misbehave or are no longer convenient to normie hets, we get treated like some third gender freak.
No. 344188
>>344184It sounds like she was making a joke, not putting you down. You can't actually expect a normie to take you seriously or care about your sperg. Also if you call it "sperging" (not sure if you literally did, but if you did) that's like telling her it's ok to not take it seriously and implies it's okay to joke about it (which is what she did).
You could be leaving some details out that make my comment wrong, or I could just be wrong 'cause I don't know you or her, but just from what you said that's what it looks like.
No. 344243
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>make a couple of internet friends some from here
>conversations are deep and interesting, we get along really well and chat daily
>they suddenly get quiet for no rhyme or reason
>they all randomly deactivate their accounts and leave
don't know if it's my fault and I'm more offensive/autistic than I realize or if everyone on the internet is just that flakey. I wish it didn't bother me so much, but I struggle with making female friends IRL as it is so feeling isolated online only makes me feel worse.
No. 344497
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>um if you know you know
>it's not what you said, it's how you said it
>that's obviously not what you really meant
>if you don't understand what you did wrong, that's already a problem
>you could have said that more nicely
No. 344506
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any other women here basically wasted all of their teen years on degen moids online? i find myself their age now when we all found eachother online (i was much younger than the rest), and they've moved on, and i don't have that community they did and i'm struggling, and looking back it was pretty messed up i was that young and seeing what i saw and internalized. before that, when i was little, i both had majority male friends, but the rest of the males had a way of letting me know i'm ugly and weird. and then not fitting in with females bc socially inept/ugly, so it was like i had to "become" like a guy to get by, whether it be irl or online.
i'm just lost, i don't know if im catastrophising but i feel like around women i'm just not good enough to really be allowed to be "let in" on anything if that makes sense. i just feel a need to perform as perfect and it stresses me out. i miss when i was a kid and i was just best friends with the other mentally fucked girl and it was comfy, but everyones moved on w/o me in some way. and also i'm homosexual so it's hard for me to bond over boytalk and i don't have any community for it and yeah. i don't know how to catch up, i'm more comfortable with older people but i feel like they look down on me, or don't want to hangout with someone younger. i'm just really lost on where to start or where to find non-
toxic spaces.
>>343062and they assume any woman who has similar interests/humour or actually tries to learn about them and communicate where both parties understand is just to suck their dick or be an NLOG, then they stereotype/shun any interest that happens to not be their own. whatever makes them look good.
>>344497hate this shit so much. along with when people comment on my expression. i have no clue how my face looks when i'm saying something, i don't have a mirror in my brain. even when i'm not saying something i still dont know what face i'm supposed to make or to get the muscles to go where its supposed to go i just don't get it idk why. i understand why people sperg to me about it but i keep telling them i dont understand how to make like the right facial expressions all the time, but they keep getting mad, if i understand you why can't you understand me.
No. 344562
I feel somehow disappointed through the years. I was often somehow ostracized by peers at school, sometimes bullied although it got better as I got older. I never related to most girls around me. In teenage years I got two close friends around my age at school (a bit older) but they became TIFs and we parted quite badly (I was discarded for not buying into the gender nonsense & sexuality obsession although later I was grateful for that). Most of my closer friends are male and all of them I know online; they're quite unusual types of men, most asexual (but obviously not in a spicy straight/queer way), some penpals with shared interests or similar personality etc. Over the years I got some female friends too, also sharing hobbies or traits but the thing is these are online friendships too and all of them live in other countries. One woman I know from my country lives on the other end of it.
Although I'm happy with these friendships I wish I had someone close irl. I had that for a few years as a teenagers but these friendships with girls who became TIFs became a sort of trauma/unwanted memory. I miss the happy time I had with people in my area and now as I'm on university I can't find anyone for a closer friendship like that. Maybe because it's more mixed group, maybe because we have more responsibilities than during the school years. Now I know one other student and she considers me her friend (vice versa) but what makes me sad is that it's not any sort of close friendships. We mostly talk about our study stuff or daily life but not even in deep about our interests. Maybe I'm afraid to open up, being disappointed in former friends who started to hate on me or mock me, maybe I cling to being alone because that's a thing I knew for the most time, maybe I'm worried she won't be interested in it or won't understand. She has a sweet personality and we helped each other a lot but she is also very different from me in terms of personality, more extroverted, into different "aesthetics" and I feel like she had very different life experiences than me. All my closer friendships are online and I struggle to find a kindred soul near me. Sometimes I wish I had another close female friend to make memories with but I don't know if I really want it or I just want to "remake" the lost years or conform to some popular idea of having a bestie/female friendships being praised and idealised. On the other hand I'm fine like I am, only sometimes wondering if I'm missing anything or is it possible for me to find someone close irl again.
Sometimes I'm also stopping myself from opening up about such doubts here because someone might call me a NLOG (which I have a sort of different approach to because I'm not a native speaker of English - I often liked thinking that "I'm not like other girls" when I was younger but I didn't want to turn it into elitism and I understand such idea can become exaggerated and just bad in some cases - it's just that most girls I met at that time were mean, unapproachable or hiding behind personas).
First time posting in this thread, I figured out it might be the best place to discuss some experiences and thoughts. It's good that it's here.
No. 344596
I do have some contacts with other women around me and one best friend of 15 years with whom we're two sides of the same coin, I got lucky in that one case because we were both marginalized kids in high school and it clicked.
But aside from that, and maybe two or three other people I can talk candidly with, I don't fit any of the typical boxes "normies" categorize others to really feel close to any of the people I keep as acquaintances. And this will be a long fucking post most likely.
I have some hobbies associated with femininity like cooking, crochet, sewing, but I am the biggest tomboy I know (tldr; don't tell your 3 year old child you wanted a kid of the opposite sex when all they want is to be loved by their parents, it'll fuck them up). I was one of the only few girls who played video games in schools I went to in the late 90s-early 2000s, from portable Game boy consoles to the PlayStation 2 and always put in the "weirdo" box. I'm not a feminist nor an MRA, I got bullied in my childhood and adult life by both sexes, unbalanced power dynamics are imo a product of psychological trauma.
I don't feel strongly about politics, minus those of my country of birth, I'm a non partisan. I am a misanthrope with a glimmer of humanist hope that gets snuffed out every time I read the news. But I also realize being a misanthrope that were I in any position of power, I'd be dictatorial and I'd be assassinated in one day.
I have North African Muslim grandparents, but I was raised without any religion by my parents. I moved away from my country of origin for work and also for peace of mind, but that means I'm also not an "original" citizen here. I learned the language but I am still learning about the cultural difference and the way people tick here as it was behind the iron wall still shortly before my birth.
I am a pedestrian in a country where speed is the only thing that matters, so car drivers and bike riders are zooming around like they think they're fucking Sonic and they think taking the public transports means you're poor or a fucking social case.
I'm also personally so hurt from family trauma that I barely have contact with any of my family members except my mother. Expressed emotional sensitivity left me in my teenage years, I'm mostly keeping my emotions behind a stoic mask and a good choice of words. It was that or not surviving in a dog eat dog world.
While I still can recognize attractiveness and beauty, I feel absolutely no desire for physical contact or love, acknowledgment and respect of my boundaries, of my privacy that have been stepped on way too often in the past is very important to me.
With all that being said, I'm very good at pretending to fit in around the acquaintances I've got through my hobbies, I hum and nod as people around me get into rants and ramblings about this and that and the other. I let dumb jokes and sayings slide, I "live and let live".
It just feels really shallow though to have to do that to keep the peace with most people.
No. 346091
>>346084DA but this was my experience too. I often downplayed my abuse experiences as "just a compliment" or "boys not knowing better", because even my family downplayed the motives of adult men who were creepy to me. If
>>346065 isn't bait I'd just be thankful you've never experienced sexual abuse, it's honestly ruined my life.
No. 346092
>>346079I guess I should look at it as being protected. My family was very sheltering, which had its downsides but this is an upside.
>>346081It’s not bait and I’m sorry I made it come off that way. I don’t mean to offend at all, and I’m not sure where else to talk about it. I’m just wondering if anyone else has the same experience.
>>346084Maybe that’s true for me too. Maybe there are some things I just haven’t processed as being sexualized? I’m not sure.
No. 346133
>>346065I could've written this post. I don't know why I've never been harassed when it seems to be such an universal experience, maybe it's just a combination of many things plus extreme luck because I've met other women who grew up in a similar environment and otherwise resemble me and have been harassed many times. But yeah I can't relate to the experience on a personal level, althouh I think I "get it" in the sense that I did grow up being reminded of the
possibility of being harassed.
>>346079>>346081This just demonstrates further what an alien experience this is.
No. 347642
>>346122>>346133Thank you nonnas for the responses and understanding. Do you ever feel a sense of guilt and imposter syndrome when other women open up and commiserate about sexual mistreatment? I feel like I’m intruding or deceiving or something.
>>347610>>347620>>347640It probably does involve factors like that. Although I’m from LA and am over 25, I come from a pretty strict and overprotective family environment. So there were probably less opportunities for it to happen, and even when there were opportunities (as believe me, I’ve heard many horror stories from women who have been assaulted in even the “safest” situations), then it came down to luck for whether it happened or not.
No. 347647
>>347643i made friends with 3 girls during the very last year of high school. it was in a club, which meant we had a shared interest. this meant we can have conversations about it. i was very conscious of how i speak and what i say, as well as how i act. they accepted me in their circle, and we met outside of school a few times. that's how it started. we are friends to this day, and consider each other close.
i slipped up a few times, but we've been around each other for so long, that they tolerate my eccentricity. they openly admit to my face that im "weird", "but in a good way". i consider myself good at normiemaxxing, but even little things like dressing in unconventional styles or collecting militaria as a hobby are considered "weird" to normies. i chalk it up to the way women are socialized from a young age to be more judgemental. it's not their fault per se. i guess they see me as the "wacky eccentric alt friend", and not a detestable freak. i keep most of my autism under wraps.
my advice is to not feel too comfortable around girls at first, until youve thoroughly bonded with them. its so easy to scare girls off by being too autistic. however, once you form a bond, you can get slightly more comfortable and test the waters with them. nothing too drastic.
No. 347690
When I talk to other women irl, I always feel as though I don't talk the same way as them. I don't know how to describe it but something about my mannerisms or tone of voice or the words I choose is just different? Online I can recognize how men and women usually type differently, but irl I feel like a man talking to a woman. Growing up I'd relate to loser guys' experiences about how talking to girls feels like speaking a different language or is nerve-wracking, and it fueled thoughts about being more like a boy, in a tranny way. I'm now at peace with being female but still struggle to talk to women and it's hard to place why exactly.
>>346065I could have written this post, I've never really known where or how to express this. I appreciate that you wrote it.
I've heard it said that if you aren't ever hit on, it means you're hideous, which troubled me a lot before. Or at least it's often presented as an all women thing, which brings the implicit message of "you aren't a real woman if this doesn't happen." Which, again, added to tranny thoughts for me. I would often try to make up excuses but I'm now accepting there doesn't have to be some special reason.
>>347642>Do you ever feel a sense of guilt and imposter syndrome when other women open up and commiserate about sexual mistreatment? I feel like I’m intruding or deceiving or something. Yes, somewhat off-topic but I feel this way for more than just being a woman too. I'm also a racial minority and attracted to women, but I've had atypical experiences for my demographic groups. When people talk about "the experiences of x people" it almost always misrepresents me and I feel like I have no in-group.
But either way, if I express that an experience that's supposed to be universal to women (or another group) doesn't match my life, people often act kind of upset or like they're in a rush to gloss over me, like I'm inconveniencing them by not fitting their narrative. So I feel pressured to keep it to myself.
No. 347721
>>344506Hi
nonnie, i can relate a bit to the wasting time on males online part, when i was younger i did similar, wont go into detail but it's just sad and regrettable. it's also sad knowing that there are young girls right now who are going through the same. i was bullied by other girls too and preferred male friends for a while so i can empathize with the not feeling like they let you in part
>>345848I think this way too and it sucks because you dont want to be a pick me but you're just fed up with heaps of women
No. 347822
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i don’t have much in common with others but the one thing that disheartens me is feeling like i never learned to enjoy life. everyone i know has no problem doing ‘normie’ stuff, they have brunch together, go to pubs, play board games, do fun shopping, they watch the new popular shows and enjoy discussing them, they read a wide variety of books. i just don’t enjoy that a whole lot. i’m agoraphobic and don’t like going out, nor can i ever make myself enjoy most things i read or watch, i can name maybe like 4 films, 3 video games and 5 books in total that i genuinely like. i don’t get how others can like so so many things at once when i’m not interested in pretty much anything at all.
it’s like i’m some weird rare fish that needs ultra specific conditions in every aspect of its life to thrive or else it’s gonna shrivel up and die.
No. 348104
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>>347826i’m so tired of feeling less than other women. i’m trying to beat the friendless basement dweller allegations but i feel like the biggest autist alive no matter what. i got so desperate for connection that i went onto bumble to find friends but i just feel intimidated by everyone on there which i know is just a me problem stemming from experiences with bullying and “mean girls” (growing up a lesbian and going to an all girls school is a special flavour of trauma) and having had a twisted fucking friendship group that would backstab and psychologically manipulate eachother all the time over nothing but anyway i’m really tired nonnas i want to feel connection with other women but i’ve always felt like an outsider no matter what. my depression is a lot better than it used to be but i still feel like roping sometimes, i know i should just try to be more proactive about my social life/circumstances but even aside from feeling like an alien talking to most people my fuckass job keeps me from having barely any free time and i’m not into partying/clubbing (sober) i hate being an adult i just wanna have some normie friends to hang out with but i’m trapped in my own mind all the time i’m not built for this existence living in a big city shouldn’t feel so lonely
No. 348135
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>>347822I have an agoraphobic friend and I honestly see agoraphobic people so precious and really fun low-maintenance friends. We talk once or twice a month and whenever she want to sperg in-depth about her newest interest I sit patiently and listen. Sometimes we have a heart to heart moment, I have sent her letters about how she's a good person and trying her best in dealing with her issues, and how proud I am of her. She also listened to my issues as well and gave me logical advice. We never hang out irl. Don't lose hope nona, do your own thing with pride regardless what the majority of normies do. I know it feels bad sometimes, but you truly didn't miss out on anything. You're living your own life by your own means and doing what makes you happy, the grass is truly not greener on the other side.
No. 348175
>>316055Replying to an old post, but
>they don't want you thereHas always been hard to accept for me. I feel like I don't belong in society and I'm better off moving somewhere isolated.
No. 348355
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>>348135met someone yesterday for coffee in my normiemaxxing journey, it’s been years since i’ve gone out /not/ alone and talked to another person outside of work, it was nerve wracking but felt pretty good and spontaneous and a step in the right direction! but i couldn’t stop shaking in the beginning and rambling incessantly later on i feel like i came off like a retarded child asking so many questions.. are any other nonnas incapable of dealing with awkward silence and feel the need to fill it? never would have even realised it was a problem but now it’s one thing i hate about myself i had an old friend i really cared about tell me once that it was annoying and i’ve been hyperaware of it ever since. sorry i can’t be normal, anyone have any tips?
No. 348425
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I’ve got a really masculine sense of humor that really clashes with a lot of girls I talk to. Not anything misogynistic/racist/homophobic but just dumb and sometimes dark shit. Think stuff like fart jokes, mildly off color jokes or family guy humor. I don’t wanna sound pick me-ish but I genuinely think a lot of other girls don’t really like my sense of humor.
I have no idea how to socialize with girls irl because I feel like their sense of humor is so far gone from mine, and humor is how I make 99% of my friends. As much as I would love to relate to other women irl and online I just find that I don’t laugh at the same things they laugh at.
I posted a stupid, dumb meme in a meme chat, picrel, and I could literally feel all the judgement on me. I genuinely thought it was funny and wanted to share, and I could feel everyone judging and hating me, until I was asked to delete the meme because it offended them.
Am I retarded? Did I socially blunder? I thought it was pretty light hearted and funny but it quickly just got me snapped at and I feel like I can’t face going back after that
No. 348432
File: 1694576545192.png (288.41 KB, 540x642, image.png)
>>348425I sympathize anon. I hung out with a group of scrotes for a time and they irrevocably changed my humor, and humor is also how I bond with people. I think being asked to delete the meme is way too sensitive of them though, even for normie liberals, but at the same time I think you should try to develop a 'secondary' humor if possible to avoid this in the future. For an example, I have a sense of humor around my normie friends that is more agreeable and lighthearted, and a way more fucked up dark sense of humor around my online friends who like that kind of thing. I don't think you're retarded, it's just that the girls you shared the meme with probably have no idea about those memes and are used to like, cute animal pics.
No. 348513
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After being bullied for most of my childhood and adult life for being autistic I've retreated into my own space and avoid people whenever possible. I thought for a long time there was something fundamentally wrong with me because the normies in my life would never let me forget it. I'm like an alien amongst people. I used to try going outside and being friendly but just got humiliated time after time. So after a long time of trying to pass as normal I've fully accepted my quirks. I don't take any special care in my appearance with clothes makeup or hair, I don't drink or do drugs, no social medias, I don't care to gossip or talk shit about other people, which apparently is an important part of female bonding, as well as being obsessed with guys. I have zero desire to have a boyfriend or entertain guys and dislike talking to straight girls because they almost always put the moid above anything else. Though I'm probably biased because I'm a lesbian. I just want a girl friend like me to hang out with.
No. 348515
>>348513Lesbians don't bemoan women who don't fuck them challenge? Please?
You're acting like an incel.
No. 348551
>>348515>Lesbians don't bemoan women who don't fuck them challenge? Lolcow users not have the reading comprehension of a kindergartner challenge!1!1!1!!
Like no offense but some of you bitches are so dumb i swear. Where did OP say anything like that kek. She made like one sentence about being lonely because shes a lesbian, which is a normal experience. Please take a deep relaxing breath and think before you rage on the internet. You sound like a retard
No. 348552
>>348538Calling me an insufferable nlog in the not relating to other girls thread, very brave of you. I understand female bullying and I try and avoid people who want to play this social climbing game and tear others down so they can feel better
>>348517Thank you anon, I agree I would like a lesbian space without always worrying about men. It sucks to be called creepy or incel by other posters, it's not even about having sex it's just bonding with women.
No. 348568
>>348517>literally where here.
>I don't care to gossip or talk shit about other people, which apparently is an important part of female bonding, as well as being obsessed with guys. This misogynistic nlog take is very prevalent with lesbians who resent femininity, especially when we're not available for sex. Did you know the word incel was first coined by a lesbian for lesbians? It's not that wild.
https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-45284455.amp No. 348569
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>>348552Is it bullying… if you deserve it?
No. 348572
>>348513are you on the younger side of millenials or a gen z? i think more women grow out of gossiping the older they get in favor of just talking to each other about their lives and interests. granted, some stay stuck in the high school mindset
have hope, theres more women you can meet that will be more reasonable. maybe for public personas, try less "friendly" and more "you/toned down/chill/down to earth/no-nonsense" vibes and see if that changes how people approach you? friendly people can attract people who'll scope them out for any weaknesses to take advantage of
No. 348580
>>348355It's definitely a balance, you don't want to sit there in silence for painstakingly long, nor fill in silent gaps because you'll come off desperate in a way. It's best that you go with the flow of the conversation and how comfortable both of you are. I have noticed that periods of silence means that the other person is comfortable enough not to perform continuously, and just relaxes. If you're relaxed, assertive but also show that you're open to actively listen, pauses in conversations flow naturally. You can even tell the other person that sometimes you like sitting in silence because you enjoy the moment and atmosphere, and want to take it in more. Hell, even this topic right here is a great conversation prompt. Different people have different energies when conversing, you should find your own "sweet spot" and roll with it, because it comes naturally to you. I don't know how close you were with your friend, but they don't seem to understand this part of you very well. It's actually sad, people expect to always have a conversation going on and on and on, when in reality hanging out with someone can occur in so many different ways. Don't take to heart what she said and try to change, it's only giving you anxiety because it's not natural for you. Having a conversation is like dancing with someone, you make a step; they make a step. Find your own balance and if you feel like you wish to talk more, do it but don't let anxiety and fear of judgement be your drive, do it because you wish to get better at it.
No. 348800
>>348686NTA but I agree, and I've had the same experience. Growing up, I felt very disconnected from others because I was raised on the internet, and then I felt disconnected from being a girl because I couldn't relate to boytalk/boy problems and being gender conforming. I was one of the only GNC girls in my grade and it was always an alienating experience, and being a lesbian was just the icing on the cake.
>>348649Some of my closest friends are OSA separatist/celibate women, so I don't think it's that they're OSA as much as it is het-partnered women or seeking women who are really boy crazy or whatever. I found that a lot of my straight friends were so funny and vibrant only to have the absolute soul sucked out of them the moment they got in a relationship, and everything became about their scrote and the inevitable problems they had, so I've mostly given up on getting close to these kinds of women. Older OSA women who simply don't date or don't care for men, however, have been some of the most amazing people I've talked to personally.
No. 349683
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Maybe a really weird one, but how do you forgive yourself when you were a difficult person in your late teens and early adult years? I am nearing thirty now and I feel so much healthier, happier, and I have learned so much about myself and others including the fact that I had undiagnosed autism, but every now and then I remember the online friends I hurt and didn't understand healthy boundaries with when I was around 16-19 and I wondered if anyone else related.
I'm mostly accepting of these things but I wondered how common it was for you guys to have also experienced this. Are fallouts online more common than I grew up thinking? I did not have many close female friendships until university outside of a couple childhood friends so I never knew if this was a common thing or if I was just a massive dickhead. Maybe both.
No. 349687
>>349683I know it's corny but the only road is the one ahead, don't beat yourself up for not being the most amazing person when your brain hadn't even developed
nonnie. If you realize you've changed and what you did wrong that's how you know you're doing better.
No. 349696
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>>349687Corny but exactly what my heart and brain needed to hear, thank you, fellow
nonnie. Definitely have spent a good seven or eight years self-reflecting, and both my online and offline relationships feel much healthier and genuine but my thoughts and prayers to the online friends who were also Going Through It who I know I upset a lot back in those times.
I guess we are all on a little journey. Late twenties have been so heavily about self-discovery, forgiveness and discovering genuine love and friendship and I couldn't be more thankful.
No. 349884
>>349173>She isn’t religious and she’s a never-married single mom who has always had to work, and actually despises housewives.Hi
nonnie! Our experiences seem pretty similar down to the same sex attraction except my mother does not have any friends at all kek, it is strange because all other women that endured the specific type of abuse that I did seem to come from religious or "complete" households. Heavy yes on the cluster b shit too. Maybe I’ll get a bit of free time later in the day to write some more but I still encourage you to reply if you’d like.
No. 350407
>>350330I'm the same way, masculine with a bit of the tism and into those same hobbies. I actually find it baffling how hard it is to come across women who play games that aren't either stereotypically feminine like Animal Crossing and dress up games, or extremely mainstream like Elden Ring (I'm an indie player so those games don't appeal to me.) I'm also a
gamedev and it's hard to meet other women who code for that purpose, it's quite lonesome.
No. 350438
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My entire life I've had nerdy interests and experiences that I don't often share with the women I meet (video games, coding, computers, came of age on 4chan etc., never wear makeup or feminine garb, don't date dude, etc.). However, on the whole I have not had much difficulty relating to other women. I relate to them in other ways and don't expect or need them to share my nerdy interests. Honestly, I don't think shared hobbies and interests are the most important part of relating to other people. They can help, but when it comes down to it things like kindness, curiosity, and a desire to make the effort to be a good friend are more important. (that said, if you really need shared interests to think of something to say: a lot of women across the spectrum of presentation and occupation enjoy reading books, and a lot of women appreciate plants. And crafty creative hobbies)
When you meet someone different from you, it is easy to connect if you take an interest in who they are and how they are different from you. Get curious about other people! Ask questions! Everyone you meet is an opportunity to learn something new about the world and other people in general. And the more you probe, the more likely you will find something you actually do have in common.
Thus, my actionable advice for people in this thread would be to get in the habit of asking questions about other people. Ask about where they are from, ask about their family (women usually love to talk abt their kids if they have them), ask about hobbies, how they spent the weekend etc. And then ask follow-up questions. People love it, and your nerdy brain will have information to chew on. And if the other person just yammers on about themselves and never bothers trying to get to know you in return, then you know right then and there that they probably aren't worth connecting with. A kind, curious person open to connection across superficial differences will be interested to hear about your experiences and niche hobbies if you show open-minded interest in something they share with you. I think this gets easier as the people you interact with get older and more mature, as well. Working on your own confidence and sense of self helps a lot too; luckily this is auto-catalytic b/c your confidence will increase the more you successfully connect with people.
Just my 2 cents, good luck!
No. 350442
>>350407I grew up on video games myself with the NES, and I grew up tomboyish to try to fill the "no sons" gap in the family. And kinda weaboo confession but playing FF7 as a kid made me want to become a computer designer for video games (or in kid-me terms "video games creator"). Still do, and will, once I have the time to sit myself down and get to it.
But I can change between playing FF7 on my Switch lite farming levels to kill the goddamn Midgar Zolom out of spite from way back in the 90s for the Zolom (and get his "Beta" enemy skill) and Animal Crossing to gather all the goddamn things for the museum cuz I can't stand unfinished business.
I also am the crafty type, finishing projects is very cathartic to me. I like doing different projects from normal drawing/digital drawing to sewing, working with Fimo clay -if I could justify it financially, I'd get into making resin dice- , knitting and crocheting. But the group of friends around the two last hobbies I can't always relate to sometimes because the discussions remind me of dinners at my grandma's where all the aunts/female cousins would talk about how X gained/lost weight and Y divorced/married Z and A and B had finally gotten a son/daughter, which made me flee to the television room to watch whatever else but that shit show.
I guess the one thing I'm thankful for is that I luckily have one best friend since high school (and that I kept despite weeaboo emo me introducing her to Elfenlied just only having had one PE class in common cuz one of the characters shares her name. Imagine the cringe) and she is more feminine than me but not that different from me in terms of being outsiders and not well liked in high school. We're like two sides of the same coin, and it's the longest lasting connection I've had.
No. 350443
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Making friends with women my age is near impossible for me. I know it's pseudoscience bs but I'm actually starting to think I have a fucking male personality or something. (Both Jung and Freud would have a field day with me). I only have male friends(and I actually like them) and they have all expressed at some point that my personality and the way I act is different from other women the've known. All the women currently in my life I would only call acquaintances because I have no problem holding polite everyday conversations with them, but even if we share the same interests and have a lot in common I have almost never felt any connection beyond that. However, I have been genuinely in love with several women in the past and was in a serious relationship with a woman for well over a year. I am currently in a relationship with a guy though. Besides that I used to be a tif from age 12-15 but I've loved being a woman ever since and no longer sip that koolaid. I also have mild aspergers which probably has a lot to do with everything. Sometimes I even catch myself feeling some distain for women my age simply because of how alienated I've always felt around them. Am I doomed?
No. 350473
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>>350422This might not land for you or anyone and I know a lot of people have sensory issues and it’s also expensive BUT I have had a lot of success with getting elaborate Asian gel manicures. They look cool enough that girls usually comment which is a conversation starter and they last really long which gives the impression that you put a lot of effort into appearance even if you’re lazy as hell.
No. 350476
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Hey nonnies, so I think this thread will be good for me to open up.
I'm basically wanting to become a transman or at least an identity not in relation to womanhood. There is a part of me that feels I should just be a tomboy but I hate it. I hate being labeled that sometimes and I hated being labeled that growing up. Being a tomboy was being like a "wrong" girl, like I didn't fit in. I still had female friends and many of them lasted until high school, I didn't have many IRL male friends but growing up into gaming and anime, yeah, all of my friends were male. They still are. I have primarily male friends, I love them, I think they're great. Many of them are gay and some of them want to be trans women, much of this stuff doesn't bother me. However, after trying to figure myself out, I'm not entirely sure what to do. I was so sure I wanted to transition, that I wanted to take testosterone and start working out. I did this by first getting baggier clothes (much more comfortable) and getting shorter hair (easier to manage). Getting testosterone however is a fucking bitch, I have to invest in bitcoin in order for me to obtain it. I don't want to do that. Plus, I still live with my parents (19) and I'm 7 months deep into saving. I cannot let them know, they might treat me differently. I am bisexual, but I haven't told my parents this either. Hell, few of my IRL friends even know I considered being trans. I LARP online as a gay man, it feels okay, but I'm not sure what to do. I hate going outside. I hate shaving. I hate periods and I hate being referred to as a woman. What do I do anons? I know many of you will call me a TIF or a Pooner but I'm genuinely asking for some advice, nuanced as it can be.
No. 350483
>>350477But why? I feel like I have to shave because my step-mom nags at me for it. I don't think being a woman is bad, quite the opposite. I loved being a girl or was 100% comfortable with that, but I am admittedly losing grip. I do feel like I might have gender dysphoria. There are more accepting people nowadays and they are much more diverse, including women, so I'll think about it.
I don't want people to assume I hate women, I am a pickme or I am self-hating in some way (although in my post it basically is me saying lots of that). I do not hate women or being female, I do not. I am just not sure if that is what I want to do. I'll check out the detrans thread, but I don't think my mind will be changed.
>>350478You literally have to invest in bitcoin if you want testosterone, many transmasc guides offer this as an alternative because it is a somewhat regulated substance.
I am bisexual, I still like women, but my attraction towards men has increased ever since I thought about becoming trans.
Not bait, sorry.
>>350479I actually might do some research on this, I know there are birth controls out there that straight up stop your period. I don't know really what testosterone is capable of doing, but if this is true thank you for letting me know. I mainly started lurking/posting to talk shit and get milk.
No. 350484
>>350476Women can dress boyishly.
Women can have vidya and animu interests.
Women can be bald or have short hair.
Women don't need to shave.
You don't need to label yourself. When you label yourself, you're stuffing yourself into a labelled box that you have to fit in. With that you have to change your self image into what others deem acceptable. Tomboy/"male hobbies" = trans if that is correct then why are some of your male friends looking into being trans women instead of being a male.
You're a nineteen years old girl that's insecure with your body image and self worth as all women have struggled with, every women hate their periods and testosterone does not removes it as it brings on more problem then it's worth and is irreversible.
Please read these threads.
>>>/g/203417 and
>>>/g/230474 No. 350492
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>>350484Looked over both threads, definitely prefer the second rather than the first, but it did kind of reaffirm some things for me.
I've always wanted to be more GNC and I do feel kind of more comfortable that way, I do like the name I picked out a lot, and I do like my body hair. However, I realized many people on lolcow are not too friendly of masculine women or butch women, as I've seen on both threads.
Thank you for showing me these, you haven't really convinced me but more or so affirmed me. Even if you disagree and still hate me and my existence, I hope my post makes you consider other nuances.
>>350485>>350488>picrel No. 350497
>>350476Do zoomers just not have hopes and dreams? You're dropping the equivalent of a down payment on a house for some body mods. You know you'll still have like 50 years left to live after that right? Like goddamn, imagine yourself in 30 years working at an IHOP and remembering you spent $20k to do what a buzz cut and a pronoun pin would've accomplished. Can't even put that shit on a resume.
P.S. if your mom nags at you about shaving she's going to nag about every fucking thing related to your transition. (And then of course you'll be roided up so you'll be even more mad about it)
No. 350557
>>350520I would do it for sure if I had less mental issues. And mostly for a dumb reason, I just really want to
have a dick to have sex with women bc I bet it would be amazing. But current me would be a really horrible man since I would lose my female impulse control and compassion, so for the good of the world I would refrain from pressing the button.
No. 350633
Essay/blogpost incoming.
>>350476I was in a similar boat as you when I was a teenager, except I didn't have that many friends (I had a bisexual male friend who became a transwoman due to homophobia, I had a lot of online friends I thought were similar to me but became transmen) and am a lesbian. But I decided not to transition because I would never actually look like a man, it would cost too much money, my parents would find out, etc. I also realized that becoming a man was just a band-aid solution for my self-hatred. I have no idea what it's like to actually be a man outside of what is shown is movies or people I talk to on a surface level say, how will I know if I'd really fit into "male culture"? The way I am was never a problem until other people made it, why do I have to change myself to fit some made up standard? Gender roles are a construct and often arbitrary, I'm over 30 now and what was considered "masculine/feminine" are different from 10 or 20 years ago. I would be considered fairly feminine a decade ago, but now I'm GNC for the low bar of not wearing makeup.
I had similar issues like hating my boobs, my period, shaving and makeup, being called a girl or woman, and fit in with boys better before I realized I was gay, but I later realized I had undiagnosed Autism, ADHD, and PCOS which explained everything. I also have PTSD from abuse from men and women, which made me feel like a third gender/nonbinary too. I stopped shaving and only wear concealer for acne rarely. I also had to internalize that a woman is just a biological female and not a feminine person. I used to feel like I wasn't woman around feminine straight girls because I couldn't fit into their gender/relationship roles, but it's society that says women have to be straight and feminine, being the female sex doesn't inform anything else about me. I still feel like an outcast around most women now, but I feel more at peace knowing it's not me that's the problem.
>>350483> I don't know really what testosterone is capable of doingThis is a big problem. Hormones are a big deal and not always glamorous like social media makes it out to be. It's like taking medication, you don't know what side effects or health issues will affect you or what effects you want will happen. I did a lot of research on testosterone because I had an identity crisis years ago and considered doing it (same method as you, Bitcoin), but both sides of my family have health issues and I realized it's not worth the risk. Unpopular opinion for this site, but a lot of HRT changes don't sound so bad and I wouldn't mind them, but there's no guarantee I'd get them and I've developed issues from taking generic psych meds too.
"Transman" and "nonbinary AFAB" experiences are female-only experiences, alternate identities are often a coping mechanism for them. Hormones are like medication, it's just a coping mechanism to mask the problem. I'm not hardcore "anti-trans" like most of this site but I've never seen good evidence for "trutrans" or anything but gender dysphoria being a societal issue like clinical depression. One of my closest friends for over 5 years swore up-and-down that they were a "trutrans", but detransitioned last year. Some people may be happier living as the opposite gender role in society, but I think often the difference between transgender and detransitioner is a matter of who can keep up the LARP long enough.
>>350492>However, I realized many people on lolcow are not too friendly of masculine women or butch women, as I've seen on both threads.Yeah, I'm not butch but I do notice a lot of users on here tend to be feminine straight women (I notice a lot of lesbophobia and conflating GNC=trans=bad in other threads), which is why I prefer non-anonymous female communities. It's a gossip site after all, posts will be mean. I don't know if you use Reddit but r/Detrans will probably give you better advice than here, they allow gender questioning people and those who haven't transitioned yet.
No. 353028
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it's true
No. 353320
>>353028There needs to be a stronger distinction between a girl claiming she's not like other girls to put down other girls or pander to men VS a girl claiming she's not like other girls because she literally isn't and may face special challenges.
Girls who are autistic, who have non-normative or traumatic life experiences, who are attracted to girls, who are a minority demographic in their area, or who are otherwise factually and statistically not like most of their peers should be able to communicate unique needs without being accused of trying to be a special snowflake. Of course many people use these labels to grift and fish for attention but there are also many genuine individuals who are actually struggling with something that not everyone understands, and it seems like people don't bother being nuanced anymore.
No. 353324
>>353312I agree that a pickme is a separate concept, but I also just feel like the term nlog has lost its original meaning at this point. Personally, I take nlog to mean being a girl who actively emphasizes how different she is from other girls. Be it for attention, because of internalized misogyny or out of self-pity, the central message is that she is unlike other girls and she either revels or wallows in this idea.
A woman who simply likes male hobbies or gets along better with males doesn't have to be an nlog. With actual nlogs, 'I'm not into makeup' turns into 'I can't imagine wasting time on frivolous face-paint'. 'I like [male hobbies]' becomes 'Girls think I'm so weird for liking [male hobbies] instead of [female hobbies]'. And finally one that I'm still sometimes guilty of: 'I have a hard time making female friends' becomes 'I'm such an awkward goblin compared to how put-together and socially adept all these women are, I can never relate'.
So while pickmeism is all about wanting to seem more attractive and putting other women down, to me being an nlog is more about exaggerating how different you are. It's about viewing other women as this monolith who is always "the other". You can be a social outcast with male interests and genuinely have trouble relating to other women, while still not being an nlog.
This way of thinking about it is comforting to me because it helps me realize that having more male hobbies and difficulty socializing with other women doesn't mean I have to let those differences define me. I want to close the gap between myself and this idealized and intimidating concept of "other women" I have developed. Yes, I may be further removed from the average than most and that makes it harder to relate, but that doesn't make me an nlog and in the end I'm just as much a woman as any other.
No. 353335
>>353324nta but none of those examples sound like nlogism imo. isn't the whole point of the term that the girl thinks she's superior to other girls? so self-deprecating is the opposite of that. and some of this might be based off what a girl heard other girls say about her, like this one
>'Girls think I'm so weird for liking [male hobbies] instead of [female hobbies]'like what if those girls actually do call you weird for it? can someone not talk about that? it just sounds like acknowledging how they're treated rather than trying to put anyone down
No. 353431
>>353324> You can be a social outcast with male interests and genuinely have trouble relating to other women, while still not being an nlog.Or even try to get into female hobbies, but because they're foreign to you/out of your comfort zone, you end up wasting whatever money you spent on stuff that gathers dust at home.
Like, for instance, ten years ago because I had time, I got into nail art and bought a lot of nail varnish. Most of it is at my mom's house cuz I don't use any nowadays, even the few nail varnish colors I've got in my house now I use once a year tops. Because with my work and the household chores, it feels like a waste of time to doll up my nails for the nail varnish to be chipped away less than three hours later. Besides I always cut my nails short cuz I can't stand the noise of long nails on a keyboard/phone.
Same with make-up. I've got some, and I put some on occasionally, but I end up smearing it because my eyes are itchy or because I have to blow my nose (and then the paper tissue removes whatever concealer or BB cream I put on), so basically the makeup I've got home gets used maybe a total of three to five times a year (Halloween, WGT and some special concert or dinner in town).
No. 353476
>>353398>wish other women liked what I like. I wish other women socialized like I did. I wish other women liked ME. Fuck, I felt this so hard. I've always been a tomboy, an outcast from other girls ever since I was young, and I've been bullied and othered for being GNC and lesbian all my life. But the worst part is that even when I hide these aspects of myself, when I tried wearing makeup and lied about having boyfriends, I was STILL othered. I've always been avoided like I have some invisible forcefield repelling every other woman my age away from me, and I just don't know what the fuck I do wrong. Even when other women are willing to give me the chance, I end up feeling like we're two separate species anyway. I love scrote-ish, sweaty, competitive FPS and MOBAs, speedrunning techs, computers and programming, etc., and I genuinely feel like I'm the only woman alive who's into those sometimes. I feel like the only feminine hobby I have is drawing, but even then, most artist women I meet draw handsome bishies which doesn't really interest me as a gay woman.
I have only had luck with older women, they seemingly love me and gravitate towards me. My only guess is that older women have seen some shit and have no time to participate in the retarded female socialization game, which makes us have a mutual understanding of each other and similar manner of communicating. They don't beat around the bush, and they're just as straightforward and blunt as I am, so I get along great with them. Have any other nonnas had a similar experience?
No. 354491
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>>354264Compliment the women around you on pieces/outfits you like, they should open up a little and you can get some advice. Plus based on the thread this is in, you probably could use some female companionship. Saying "I want to dress like you" outright would be a little creepy, but "I've been looking for a cute sweater with winter coming!", "I want to wear tights this season, but have terrible luck with them breaking" stuff like that.
Besides that, find a nice basic brand like uniqlo and study their catalog a little. Save up the outfits that catch your eye, and then try to assemble a couple for yourself at the end.
The glow up thread
>>264337 just had some good posts on intro makeup/no makeup looks.
Other anon's advice of don't force it is good though, if you're uncomfortable everyone can tell. Find stuff that you feel good wearing first, and use it as a chance to build some rapport with the women around you.
No. 354494
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>>354264Check out pinterest and search for "outfit inspo", there will be loads of results and you can narrow it down into different styles you're into from there. I'd also recommend checking out capsule wardrobes because those usually have staple pieces and basics that you can use in a ton of different outfits (some are kinda bland though but they're a good starting point to build off of).
Also I know it's a bit of meme, but finding my kibbe type helped me curate my wardrobe and finally figure out what looks good on my body type. I don't follow it to a T but do try to incorporate the styling suggestions in my outfits so I look nicer. It also helps me not waste money on clothes that I like but won't actually look good on me kek.
No. 355264
>>354028This got me thinking because I’ve had the exact same experience with friends. Like not getting a hug when everyone else did, not being included in plans when everyone else did, being told ”I thought you weren’t interested” without asking.
I hope I don’t come across stupid, but for me, it’s the vibes I give. No matter how hard I try people don’t read me as a positive person, I don’t know how to force friendliness on others. So other people get negative vibes from me and don’t want to hug me or something because I seem like I dislike them. I’m not constantly giving them positive affirmations of something lol. And obviously I get hurt and they can sense that resentment from me. It’s a
toxic cycle cause then they know their vibes about me were correct and I get more upset with the whole socializing thing cause this shit never works out.
Like how do you break that cycle? I feel like I’m always wrong and I can never be nice enough to other women. They relate to eachother so easily, sharing stuff from their personal social lives, their conversations flow and they click with eachother. Why is it so hard for me? Because I’ve always been an outcast I guess they can smell the inexperience and resentful negative vibes from me. I’ve had a lot of bad experiences recently while trying to be normal in normal spaces and all I’ve figured out is that it’s me who’s the problem. That hurts.
No. 355280
I guess I feel like other girls are not very direct, and my autistic ass can’t read it, and I am kicked out of these groups for it.
I’ll use my current guy friend group vs the girl group I was recently kicked out of. If I say something that upsets one of the guys, they will tell me right away that I went too far and to not do that shit again. I obviously take that in and listen, because they make it very obvious that this thing I did is completely unacceptable and that I’m damaging the friendship. They also tell me this right away, so there’s no built up resentment. And if I do it again, I catch it, delete it, then apologize personally. If I do it and don’t catch it, they tell me “hey, you’re doing it again, cut the shit” and I stop the moment I realize that what I’m doing is bothering.
With the recent group I was in that had girls, I was unintentionally bothering one of the main friends. She kept silent for WEEKS before mentioning she didn’t like what I did. She didn’t like that I talked “bad” about men and that was it. I apologized, and we moved on. I thought it was all fine, until one day, she snaps at me about a million other things that I did, that were never given warnings or called out, and how she’s resented me for weeks and she can’t believe I didn’t even notice what I did wrong, I was kicked out and so confused.
I feel stupid because I didn’t read the obvious social queues, there were so many of them that I didn’t pick up on at all because they weren’t said to me in a direct way. This isn’t just this friend group, it seems to be the case in every female dominated social group im in. My only female friends now are either other tomboys who also have this direct way of talking, or TIFs. I just…genuinely don’t pick up on when people are upset unless they tell me
No. 355283
File: 1698357828002.png (233.22 KB, 1191x619, Screenshot 2023-10-26 150315.p…)
>>321813The younger a woman is in comparison to a man, the more idolized, valuable, and attractive to him she will be.
No. 355781
>>354426I'm interested in fashion, not so much makeup but it seems like a good thing to know if you gotta go somewhere nice. The issue has mainly been that I was too poor to buy things, and now that I've escaped poverty the mindset has followed me. Plus, it feels like clothes just sit on my body weird. I don't know how to describe it.
>>354491>>354494Thank you so much. I'm definitely gonna look into that kibbe thing too.
No. 357919
Being bullied by the two genders and growing in a verbally
abusive household during chilhood affected me a lot when it comes to socialize in general.
I'm starting being friends with some girls online but with my irl uni friends I don't talk that much since pandemic. It's kinda difficult to approach to them when at least one of them graduated and we don't have the same interest anymore (college gossip and classes)
>>314527I do feel like it's like that. Sorry for this quick vent but there's an episode of my life where I used to dress tomboyish at last year of elementary school and my girl classmates used to call me lesbian just for dessing like that and not having kissed a boy too. It hurted a lot in that moment since I didn't have anyone to talk about at home.
>>314717I relate a lot in what you said, nona, hope you're doing alright nowadays.
No. 360511
File: 1700662285317.jpeg (17.02 KB, 474x330, th (1).jpeg)
As someone with the most libfem friends i think women shouldn't be stigmatised to act a bit retarded sometimes. You never double back if a dude was saying retarded shit. That's my gripe, good night everyone.
No. 363866
>be me
>childhood friend invites me to his 21st in a beer garden / bar
>i know no one, just him
>also coming straight from my shift so I'll be in ugly uniform top
>fuck it let's face our fears and go out and be extroverted and maybe make a new friend!!
>go to bar/beer garden and see Friend, exchange greetings
>Friend wants to introduce me to his gamer friends(males)
>"apologies, my good sir, but i am a cool normie(lie) and I will like to hang with the normies"
>ive been training by consuming tv shows popular with women; glee, vampire diaries, riverdale
>been investing in cosmetic procedures(waxing, threading, manicures) instead of doing it at home
>found the girl group of the party, all dressed nice, hair and makeup done, heels and pretty dresses
>childhood friend gf, gf's sister, gf's friends that she met through BEING A DANCER
>had a dancer aquaintance before but friendship didnt last because nothing in common except league of legends
>but theyre my age, i should be able to fit it
>throughout the night ive been starting convos, taking peoples photos, dancing,
>no one has initiated convos with me except the Friend's mum, and one male that followed up on our previous convo
>i have no pics
>would suggest shots and then wouldnt be included
>remembered the names of everyone I've talked to, no one remembered mine.
>asked Friend and his gf if i should join the afterparty at another bar or should call it a night as I'm the odd one out
>both wanted me to join
>ended up leaving the second bar after standing alone for 5 minutes
>tearing up as i walked to pc cafe to play vidya
I am so so so embarrassed, I have never been so alienated before, I thought it would be easy and that the girls would be nice but they really wanted nothing to do with me, and I stuck out so much when next to them. I really didnt fit in and just regret going in the first place. Now I'm kinda planning on not attending the christmas party my best friend's bf's friend group is having. Am I really that weird that those other girls couldn't care less to try to be nice and talk to me about anything?
No. 364070
>>364056If you're under 25 finding people not into the party scene can be hard. It doesn't fall on traditional '80s movie nerd-jock lines, I've met nerds who are heavy drinkers/partiers and the love of my life is a girl I met in college who was jock-y and not into partying.
But I guarantee wherever you are there's a large minority of people who don't really like to party, at my college (literally was a top 10 national party school lol) it was about 1/4 of the students. They're usually more introverted so it can be hard to befriend them, doing so one on one is usually best.
No. 364215
>>364067Everyone is your friend if you believe they are. This is true in most cases anyway. Like how outgoing friendly social people seem to be surrounded by people, they don’t actually know all those people intimately and have sleepovers and swap bff necklaces they just believe those people like them and act happy to see them every time they meet (and they can remember names and faces). You too can do this even if you’re awkward. Maintain some connection with everyone who isn’t an asshole, even the ones who you worry got bored of you (unless you know for 100% they don’t like you). Occasionally invite them to things even if it’s not the music they say they like, an invite is still nice to get. Don’t chase them or anything just believe there’s a small friendship there. This keeps your social circle larger and you’re more likely to meet people you can share your interest with, and it will keep you from feeling totally alone and broken. Life is long and you can’t limit the friendship title to only your soulmate bff, it’s better to have a variety of friends even if they’re spread out geographically or you don’t see them all the time. Like I hope you get to travel to a concert far away and meet a cool girl who also likes the music you like and you don’t give up on the friendship just because she lives far away.
Also you sound cool and hot don’t change your style
No. 364861
File: 1702346894836.jpg (78.56 KB, 720x734, 14d5be8d64308eec28a01f8dc357ee…)
Did anyone else had a problem maintaining friendships? Because i do and don't know what my problem is. If anyone has advice please do tell
My first friendship breakup was when i was like 12 we fought a lot we disolved the group and i kept talking to one of the girls but i lost her number so we never talked again. When i was in high school i though i was doing well talking to more people (like…7/8 people or something) in a close friendly manner but i ended up cutting contact when we finished, just outright blocking all of them.
I did this because i felt like a second option ALL THE TIME they all had their own groups and went out to parties and when i didnt want to go they just called me boring or wanted me to go despite knowing i didnt like any of those, one of them was particularly insistant on me being more femenine i felt like she wanted to take as some sort of makeover project or something. I also had nothing in common with no one. I liked to read the classics and they all liked young adult novels and shit you can literally read on Wattpad. I liked movies and no one cared about anything that didnt include romance or the popular tv shows i just didnt care about my music taste was too weird too i guess idk they just didnt care or plain disliked it. I liked drawing and cartoons and the only one of my friends who also liked that seemingly hadnt seen them or only liked the way they looked and didnt care for the stories (i know this is dumb). Even when i got past that with that friend and considered the closest to me there was weird behaviour towards me. Like if i didnt catch something they said in secret i got "i'll tell you later" (every fucking time) but when someome else from the group asked they were told inmediatly! Like wtf why can't i know?? I always tried to start a conversation, saying hi, sending a pic/meme whatever but it was always me and i never got a message first unless they needed something…And they didnt even care about my interest in the group i just talked about something and it derailed into a topic someone else cared about even if i always tried to talk about their individual interest in different moments, why didnt i get that treatment? Is like no one even cared
I peviously tried to cut ties with this group but kept it until our last year before finally blocking everyone. Fucking hate everything i sound so needy sensitive and stupid i don't even know what to do
No. 364982
>>364870Stop larping as Karmalita Fox.
>>364933A woman equating women not wearing makeup to not taking care of basic hygiene is so sad.
No. 365055
File: 1702423905722.jpeg (34.75 KB, 735x721, descargar.jpeg)
>>364918same, nona, same.
i feel so crushed and scared when i'm next to pretty girls or girls that are so well dressed.
i have this
toxic idea if the person has good look there's a lot of probability that can be a bad person
>>364870nta either but i'll prefer being alone if that's the case
No. 365075
>>363866I know you were trying really hard but that sounds like a nightmare mode situation to start in. All those girls were already friends so they probably felt like you were intruding. Would your friend be open to inviting you out with his gf? Or at least sending the two of you to get to know each other better?
>>364861Step 1: make friends with people you actually like. (Also if you block everyone you think didn't like you, there's no chance for any of them to reach out and try to repair the friendship. Just saying)
No. 365083
>>365075>Would your friend be open to inviting you out with his gf? Or at least sending the two of you to get to know each other better? He thinks(knows) that we would not have much in common because
a) he didnt really try introducing me to any of the girls( I went around and introduced myself to them) but kept trying to direct me to the room full of other gamers(males)
and
b) it was also her first time meeting
some of his gamer friends as well despite being together for a few years. The girls(gf and her family and friends) did not mix with his male friends.
sure, we danced together, but not really any conversation. Everytime i make a male friend i always hit it off and end up becoming better friends with their gfs.
I guess my world was different to those other girls.
Highlight of the night was talking about metal gear and kanye with a moid and subway with another. I guess I should just accept that I am irrevocably damaged from my internet usage and to absolutely cherish what female friends I have( I really would love to have a girl friendship where I won't be tiers below their boyfriend)
No. 365098
>>365091Damn, if someone asked me if I wanna join them to do some sewing with my own machine, provided they lived in my town, I'd set up a date and at least four hours aside for that stuff. I'm such a beginner that I would take any help I can get to finally get started on my fabric stash. Wish you were local to me, nonna.
I used to meet up with a regular group of crocheters/knitters in my area but because of work nowadays, I just don't feel energized after 6pm to go and commute for half an hour and then spend my evening at one of their places until 9pm when I know the next day I have to go to work again and I usually prepare my lunch the evening before, or I've had enough social contact with people (working a service job).
If I just wanna chat with em, or other friends, we meet up somewhere in town at a café or we even hike or take a walk somewhere.
While doing some crafts/projects you can still have discussions (I can talk fine while crocheting for instance), but some people are just not into the hobby to finish a project and more because it's wishful thinking to be able to do it yourself but they are afraid of messing up.
I don't know if you have any local courses for crafts, hobbies and stuff, but maybe if you signed up for a course where other people also signed up, you'd find people who share the same investment and who are going to commit to the idea of meeting up to do the thing, and chat a bit sure, but mainly to advance on the thing (whatever it might be).
No. 365309
Early in my final year of high school one day I just.. couldn't conjure the energy to go to school anymore. I went for maybe 20 days spread out across the rest of the year.
I don't have friends anymore.
In 2021 I went to a 4chan soc meetup. Some people were nice but most of them were shitty people, there to get their dick wet, into really bad drugs, or all of the above. The good people were just nice to me in passing, they got along with each other much better than they got along with me. Someone told me that one girl who was nice to me had asked behind my back if I was non binary or something, I don't even know what that's about.
I was eventually excluded from those people and I'm not really sure why. I don't know where to meet friends.
There's something wrong with me socially but despite going to a therapist every week I haven't fixed it. I have been told that it seems like it could be covert narcissism and CPTSD, but not by her. I also seem to have OCD and definitely have ADHD. I have been told by several people that I am too negative and many people who have tolerated my presence for a while have grown tired of my negativity and ditched me. I don't want to be like this, I just genuinely struggle to think of anything positive to say ever, and even when I'm trying to be positive people tend to misunderstand me and think I'm complaining. I heavily relate to Karl Pilkington, sometimes you just want to moan about things and I don't get why so many people take issue with it or feel like I'm bringing the mood down. But I know I should probably stop, if I can. Tangentially, I also relate to his style of humour. I often make the sorts of "pretending I'm dumber than I am" jokes that he does on reflex and end up regretting it as I am ridiculed for laughs instead of people realising that what I said was intentional. I think most people I've tried to be entertaining around have come out of it thinking I'm some retarded bimbo.
The last women I was e-friends with:
- Russian lesbian who would disappear and reply weeks later. Bit of a cultural barrier and different sensibilities there, I feel like a perfectly normal russian woman would struggle socially here so while she was decent conversation I didn't exactly lose an opportunity to practice normal socialisation now that we don't really talk.
- Autistic ted kaczynski fan. Before I learned to just ignore politics I was talking in some politics discord and she started DMing me because she liked what I was saying. She definitely experienced what a lot of people here are talking about with being de-gendered due to her autism. She eventually deleted her account with no warning which I guess was bound to happen with someone obsessed with ted kaczynski.
- Older gamer woman. She offered to marry me into the US before she realised how much younger I was. I guess the fact that she even offered is proof I'm not completely detestable? But the MMO we played together was mostly men in our group and she let herself be put down by all the men especially the group admin who eventually banned me for sticking up for her, and she didn't make any effort to keep our friendship alive after I was removed from our shared gaming group.
- TiF who sends me pictures of their drawings. We don't talk that often because they mainly just reply when I start a conversation, and I don't draw that often so I feel awkward starting a conversation without any new art to show.
Generally, I am hated in online groups. Given how bad my self esteem is, you would think a meek and fragile person would be treated okay by most people, but every now and then I just get this urge to put my foot down hard about something and then people get really mad at me and I get really upset and wonder why I can't just try to blend in more.
I rarely partake in voice chats or seeing people in real life (last time was in 2021 but I used to do it a little more often) but people do seem to like me. I don't know how much of that is just me mirroring, though. Or would this be closer to masking? I remember being introduced to this girl who wasn't that similar to me but I had enough of a passing interest in all the things she was into that I unintentionally made her think we were into all the same shit, literally within 20 minutes of our first meeting each other she told me "sorry if this is weird, but I have a feeling we're going to be REALLY good friends."
Couple years later she ditched me because she went genderfluid and I said something insensitive. In retrospect I should not have tried to be adamant about asserting X or Y to be true, it wasn't worth her ghosting me over. I also ruined things with the person who introduced us by criticising her immature high school sweetheart who literally spends all day browsing /pol/ and playing europa universalis and hearts of iron and had to be convinced into being okay with the idea of having kids one day by her playing up the whole "repopulating the white race" bullshit and saying that a guy like that is just gonna hate being a father and make her a single mother.
I guess you could say that was extremely immature of me to say and I deserve being cut off. It's definitely not something I should have said out loud, and I valued her as a friend even if her bf was a shitlord. I genuinely don't understand how so many women out there are beautiful and talented and interesting and date people like that. I lurk 4chan discords and all the most
toxic and horrible moids are married or in longterm relationships.
I need to meet people but I have no idea where. I had the idea to volunteer at a charity but I don't leave my home even to walk around the block, so I have no stamina. I figure something like drawing groups exist? But I can't imagine anything like that operating in my area without it being some expensive art class thing where the focus is the class you paid for and no one wants to be chatting and missing parts of this expensive class they paid for.
>>365091This doesn't make any sense to me. I would absolutely love to do hobbies like this with someone IRL.
>>365296I'm hikki too. Where are you getting these opportunities to socialise IRL?
I genuinely don't even get that anxious anymore around people despite rarely socialising, but I just fumble and make people hate me. I wish I had a friend who would see me for me and assume the best in what I say. I just don't even know where you'd meet anyone. Do people in their early 20s even do stuff outdoors anymore?
No. 371325
>>314527I dealt with this. I think being online helped me because people online can't see my appearance.
I haven't been in a relationship, ever, and I can't relate when women want to talk about it.
No. 375353
>>375346Because its worth it to be friendly with the people you're forced to share space with daily. Just talk to people and ask them how their day, weekend etc. was.
When I started working in an office full of beautiful/normie women I too felt like an autistic weirdo who couldn't relate to anyone and I still have moments like that. But honestly the small mundane relationships I've built with my coworkers has enriched my life tremendously. Today one of my coworkers sent me a photo of her dachsund wearing a sweatshirt. That made me really happy
No. 375358
>>375346because you're probably nice to be around and being married and/or a mom makes it harder to make friends outside work or your already established social spheres. so they're just looking to be friendly towards people who are not shit to be around because they're extroverted and more friends = better. that's normal and it happens to me sometimes even though I'm a weirdo too. all my normie friends always treated me better than my weirdo friends and were fun to be around even though we didn't have that much in common and we just distanced ourselves because I moved/changed job or career/etc. meanwhile most of my friendships with other weirdos like me with similar interests ended in a
toxic way. also sometimes normies have some different interests too, it's not all black and white. I had this normie friend from work and I thought she wasn't into videogames or anything like that because we hadn't talked about it at all, but when I visited her, she had mario kart on and we watched some horror movies. it's not that deep.
No. 375412
File: 1706083508742.jpeg (129.02 KB, 497x481, IMG_0442.jpeg)
>>375346 here
Thanks for the replies
> all my normie friends always treated me better than my weirdo friends and were fun to be around even though we didn't have that much in common and we just distanced ourselves because I moved/changed job or career/etc. meanwhile most of my friendships with other weirdos like me with similar interests ended in a toxic wayI appreciate how are nice normies are. It’s refreshing to have friends who display healthy, predictable behaviour.
I don’t show it but I feel insecure and jealous around nice ‘normal’ women because they remind me of a happy life that I could have had if my mind wasn’t warped by childhood trauma. I wish I could afford some fancy ass non-talking therapy option to overcome my fear of getting close to others.
No. 375420
I could always make friends easily with guys but they always revealed they were coomers eventually so they probably just tolerated me because of my tits or whatever. One of the only woman I connected with in adulthood trooned out and started threatening my friends because she was a jealous bpdfag. I have one female friend and I love her, I love being able to talk and laugh about dumb shit and not feeling like there's something behind it all. I guess I should be grateful to have one but I miss being so oblivious that I thought my guy friends were actually interested in my personality. Making friends is so hard, my job and hobby groups are mostly women but they're all at least 10 years older than me. I feel alone.
>>375412You might feel like a complete tard doing this but there are helplines, I don't know where you're from but something should come up. They have helped me the few times I've called and all I had to pay was maybe 40 cents per minute. Hope you out of this rut
nonnie.
No. 376706
File: 1706755110978.jpg (37.67 KB, 372x372, jonkler.jpg)
I notice that people still tend to not notice my presense at first, and get scared once they notice me in the room. I am not sneaking up on people on purpose, so I suppose that sneaking around is something I do subconciously. Anyone else relate to this? It happens weekly, sometimes more. Its like I overestimate how aware others are thier surroundings.
No. 377748
>>377634This is general, but in my opinion, women tend to prefer more harmonious friendships while men tend to be blunt with each other and not care about each other's feelings. So along the same vein as
>>377651 a female friend might ask about her appearance and implicitly want you to hype her up, while you may give her a brutally honest answer because you didn't read her properly. Or some men might rag on each other for their tastes in things, while some women may feel hurt and singled out if you do that to them. Basically, are you acting like you're on your female friends' side, or are you doing things to push them away?
I'm also talking a bit from experience here. When I didn't get along with other women, it's because I didn't feel they were very harmonious or cooperative with me and kinda acted like assholes. I also have to clarify, I don't mean harmonious in the sense that you never disagree, but more the fact that you know how to express different opinions without being a jerk about it.
No. 377884
>>377634Not being able to dance around hurting someone's feelings. I never go out of my way to hurt people obviously, but I'm direct and find it frustrating to have to coat my words in a million little reassurances to have a conversation with someone sometimes. Men don't give a shit if I tell them they're ugly to their face to get them to leave me alone but one of my female acquaintences got really angry and passive aggressive because I said another type of jewelry would look better on someone (I wasn't even talking about her, she got angry over my suggestion to someone else!)
Conversely, wanting other people to be direct and honest. I think if my female friends thought I was wearing an ugly outfit or something along those lines they'd never tell me and I find it really frustrating, too.
No. 377916
File: 1707310269345.gif (6.52 MB, 275x275, 1673667392243.gif)
I feel like other (dare i say "normie") girls are able to be platonically touchy with their girl friends, and besides hugging I have never figured out how to do this without it feeling a bit weird to me. The only friendship i've ever had where I could do this was a male gay best friend / roommate who i often cuddled with while watching tv. my feelings for him were completely platonic but when our friendship ended it was more painful than any breakup i've ever had because of the deep platonic intimacy we shared. my current best friend is a girl and i feel like im crossing a boundary by touching her more than hugging. shes a lesbian but i dont worry about her being attracted to me or anything. i absentmindedly grabbed her hand to pull her in a direction a few months ago and immediately said "sorry" like i had done something weird even though i know i hadnt. theres a psychological block where if i touch another girl i feel a little creepy
tl;dr: i think platonic touch is an important ingredient to a truly deep friendship. what are your tips for making this kind of connection?
No. 377919
>>377916Nona, don’t let other people make you think that being touchy is crucial to a friendship. I’m a woman who doesn’t care much for hugs or touch (or even dislike it). During my teenage years when I had one close BFF she used to hug me when we would meet in person, I was never really be the first to hug but I could appreciate hugs from those I like. However, this is something I can go without. Just because touch or even light kisses are normalized in some circles as “friendship expressions”, don’t force yourself to it. Maybe you would feel like doing it with someone you would really resonate with. But don’t force yourself.
IMO I always get confused too when people use the word “platonic” in describing friendship stuff, as for me it comes across only as a word associated with love (although sexless love, etc., as it used to mean before I think).
No. 379051
>>378537Depends with whom, but that's how I generally work. I have my best friend I've known over 15 years, and our conversations and what we do together when we see each other is always something we're both interested in
even work related despite the difference in branches we chose, there are a lot of similarities that bond us. Same with another friend who's local and who is my tandem partner and other online friends I've got abroad that I keep in touch with.
Otherwise any acquaintances through hobbies, crochet/knitting, DnD etc., because I'm admittedly the type to not be black or white on my opinions, and most local people here in those hobby groups are thinking that way, I tend to keep the conversations around the hobby without any other personal involvment or political and social commentary, because I can't be assed to pretend to agree or disagree with others, otherwise they might judge me and see me as a lefty-communist/right-wing depending on which side they're from. I'm not good at pretending to be a Yes woman
had to do that around my abusive father as long as I lived in his house, never liked that shit . So I prefer keeping people who aren't necessary for my daily personal and/or business life at bay.
No. 379183
>>379117I do most of the things I like by myself, like going to concerts, exhibitions, restaurant, vacations… I have some friends but we don't have the same schedules, and as for concerts I don't know anybody who listens to the same music as I do so I don't have much choice in going alone.
>>379174I should do this more often, going on small weekends in towns I don't know, especially since I'm in western Europe and there's so much to see just by train.
No. 379376
>>379354I'm my parents' son by proxy since I was 3
despite puberty hitting me with D-cups and telling me "nope" kek . I don't need to imagine anything, my life is kinda being both or neither without the need to placate it cuz identity means jack shit once you're cremated dust, pardon the cynicism.
No. 379460
Nominally, my social circle is gender-balanced, skewing female-dominated. But chromosomally? All XY, apart from yours truly. I’m at the intersection of several fields which skew not only male, but specifically MTF. I know this website isn’t a fan of that demographic, but I know who my friends are, and I genuinely have friends among them.
I have friends, and that’s more than a lot of people get. But the idea of a friend who is “like me”— I can’t get that thought out of my head.
In high school I read that at Michigan Womyn’s Festival, you can find all kinds of women, and, having always made friends effortlessly with weird NEET XYs (online, where they were unaware of my sex), I had this fantasy of going there as an adult, and there’d be this other awkward obsessive nerdy XX, and we’d sperg the fuck out about [personally identifying interests expunged], and maybe we’d fall in love or be best friends or whatever but most importantly we’d know that we weren’t alone.
I feel like my MTF friends can go anywhere and find another autistic poly programmer catgirl weeb [more specific identifying labels expunged] and have instant camaraderie. But I just have me. At a party I met someone who told me that I was in fact also “a type of person”, and they knew dozens more like me, and I was so excited because this was the first time that I’d heard anything like this. But afterwards they told me that they were wrong, the people that they thought were like me are in fact not. I’m a different kind of thing altogether.
Ouch.
I talked to this woman online who’d been in a similar position. She told me, with peak sympathy and diplomacy, that the preoccupation with finding my exact clone is infantile narcissism and that getting along with people requires adapting myself to their conventions. But I don’t want to let go of my interests or change the way that I dress. Maybe that’s trying to have my cake and eat it too, acting gender nonconforming and then being salty that I can’t find camaraderie with other females. But acting “feminine” feels like it’d be as much a drag for me as acting like a roided-out fratbro. She tells that every woman feels this way, and being able to get past that is how you signal to other women that you’re emotionally mature, that you can compromise with other people and get along. But I swear that I can already do that! I can hold a conversation and remember people’s birthdays, I just don’t want to wear dresses…
And I’ve also talked to this other woman, in the same field as I am. Like me, she hides her sex online, and we sneakily bonded over being XX— sneakily cuz we know so many MTFs, so it’s rude to openly exult in that shit. But she’s also incredibly busy on account of doing fascinating and deeply important research and having dozens of people vying for her time, so I can’t just hit her up like “hey, remember me, the person with no distinguishing traits other than liking the same thing that you like and having a vagina that I didn’t get installed in Thailand?” So I just kind of work on my own research in semi-public and hope that maybe, if it’s good enough, she’ll notice me again… ?!…
Frankly I find the entire premise of this website off-putting. Making fun of strangers online erodes social trust and probz indicates some kind of personal pathology. But this is the only place online that I’ve found where females are openly disagreeable, obsessive, perverse— in othet words, freaks like me. You she-wolves have a spark of snarling animal life that seems absent in most women that I know, or maybe they just know better how to keep it hidden. So against my better judgement… here I am as well <//3(no emoticons)
No. 379505
>>379460I relate to you minus having a ton of TIM friends. I can't stand the programmer poly catgirl stereotype of man, but I do envy how they can find their people so easy unlike autistic/nerdy women.
>She told me, with peak sympathy and diplomacy, that the preoccupation with finding my exact clone is infantile narcissism and that getting along with people requires adapting myself to their conventions. But I don’t want to let go of my interests or change the way that I dress.She's right, but you don't have to give up your interests for that. You do kind of have to grow up and adapt to others socially, though.
>so I can’t just hit her up like “hey, remember me, the person with no distinguishing traits other than liking the same thing that you like and having a vagina that I didn’t get installed in Thailand?” So I just kind of work on my own research in semi-public and hope that maybe, if it’s good enough, she’ll notice me again… ?!…Why not? Maybe don't message her with those exact words, but it feels like you lose more by not contacting the one biowoman in a similar position to you. Why not talk to her more and see if she has her own friend group, if possible? I might be too optimistic because I don't know her but the worst you can get is either no reply or a "No."
No. 379633
>>379628You have a point there kekkk
>>379460Honestly though, I hope this anon is able to grow her self-confidence. Unfortunately, being insecure and self-hating will attract more of the same, like trannies. No one
except for trannies deserves to hate themselves. I’m sure she has plenty of good qualities, and seeing a psychologist for an autism diagnosis may help her develop better self-esteem by getting to the root of why she feels like she doesn’t fit in with real women
No. 379647
>>379623She-wolves was supposed to be a compliment! Don't you find wolves cool?
But I basically understand what's going on here now. I saw a thread along the lines of "easy-to-mock women, come complain about your problems", forgot that I was on a website dedicated to mocking people online, and honestly complained about my problems. In hindsight this is an obvious enough trap that the only person that those accusing me of autism may have a point.
No. 379744
>>379615NTA but I'm personally not going to tell you to stop having those friends, but
>>379571 has a point that you likely get along well with MTFs because you don't have to follow the same social code like with normie women, but still follow others as women feel pressured to do. I was in a reverse situation as you where most of my friends when I was 18-21 or so were FTM or female enby, and I realized our autism and not fitting in was why. Of course there's the can of worms where I hide my autism around normies and my real beliefs around autistic begendereds. I think teaching out to the one woman in your similar position is the best thing you can do besides getting an autism screening and/or lurking moar.
No. 379782
>>379354literally every day and it makes me want to kill myself genuinely. wasted so much of my life trying to make men like me that i cut myself down for them and became a pick me. now im just trying to be myself but in the end they will always see me as a woman, never an equal, i will never feel that connection.
>>379744thank you for explaining why i like mtf women I thought I was subconsciously a chaser
possibly related but im still chasing the high of having an autistic girl best friend in high school who had the same special interest in me.
No. 379839
>>379615It is laughable to accuse women of having gender neurosis when you've decided you must gleefully befriend "vaginawomen" in secret because you're scared of offending your male friends' gender identities as women. You said you sneakily bonded. You obviously word yourself differently around your trans friends if your open longing for the womanly womanliness of Michfest
triggered their own longing, since it is a female-exclusive space (meaning it excludes them) and your point was that is the appeal for you. Link them your posts ranting about you longing for shared chromosomes and apreciating this space because you're not that woke, instead of defending how understanding they are now when that's not what your plea was to begin with.
Your whole original post was legitimately you just vomiting up your gender neurosis onto women, who you're backhandedly praising for our lack of censorship around this subject, whilst you ironically get more and more offended by every slightly critical word (asking you to self-reflect about your feelings, not just your trans friends' feelings) in order to feel morally superior to us. You want it both ways, to be woke and not woke. You are so unaware of your passive aggression, snark and hypersensitivity to women but you are absolutely inviting hostility, yet women are still trying to answer your questions honestly. It makes no sense to be defensive when you are saying exactly the same things about your friends as what I echoed: they get to "narcissisticly" befriend their carbon copies (weeb catgirl lovers) and revel in their transness, but you complain that you felt rude for revelling in your biological femaleness and pursuing other females, which is a double standard… and you heavily mock yourself for wanting female connection in a male-dominated field by reducing it to "us just having vaginas in common, how silly of me to say hi to someone for that". Way to make yourself smaller so men get to feel bigger at your expense, and then you delude yourself into thinking they're bonding with you over it.
You are too smug in all your NLOGism, and I don't think you really want to change. It is clear why you'd rather stick to the social conventions of male autists because you don't have to take any risks of potentially being disliked if you just play your female socialisation role without the presence of other people who've been through it too and can call you out on your shit. It's like the social equivalent of paint-by-numbers. A real painting requires learning actual skills and so does the solution to yiur problem. Sorry but you came here asking for help and now you're backtracking to make out like everyone else wants you to get female friends due to our neurotic contempt for your trans friends. Now your NLOGism has been justified by our meanness. Seek an autism diagnosis and therapy. The reason anyone replied is because they know you deserve better but you can't even give yourself that. Female socialisation.
No. 379860
>>379782I have a feeling that one typo is going to make OP keep rationalising everyone here as being beneath her deeply empathic trans friends without gender neurosis who she cannot stop herself pointing out are trans trans trans trans and discussing gender with.
>>379782Are you the OP?
>>379705It's retarded to preach womanhood equals spinny dress to someone who already has a gaping wound of internalised misogyny, yes. It also doesn't really make sense why OP would have to wear dresses, or give up her lack of femininity, to befriend women as she believes she does, seeing as her trans friends are supposedly anime-obsessed catgirl skinwalkers and most women don't have nearly as much gender obsession brain rot to navigate. There are plenty of female autists into computers who'd love having her around, if only she could get over the sense of being a nasty animal edgelord for, gasp, comitting the crime of noticing friendship is different with females than it is with males who call themselves females.
There's just something queasy about a woman behaving so protective of male feelings to the point that she calls us vaginawomen (like we're going to laugh) and has to state our chromosomes every two seconds to remind us that nobody is gonna convince her women can't have dicks, all the while self-deprecating about her 5 second female friendships since they "only really had a vagina in common with her". That's… not something this imageboard will ever solve. She came here to validate herself.
>>379651Nobody is defending normies though. Female socialisation is normie and annoying. Hers is amplified by undiagnosed autism.
>But I basically understand what's going on here now. I saw a thread along the lines of "easy-to-mock women, come complain about your problems", forgot that I was on a website dedicated to mocking people online, and honestly complained about my problems. In hindsight this is an obvious enough trap that the only person that those accusing me of autism may have a point.She's trying to pull a "not like the other NLOGs" reverse uno card on the NLOG thread for heaven's sake.
No. 379969
>>379892ngl watching everyone call her an nlog and a pickme for an experience I thought we all had, not understanding female social norms,
in the literal difficulty relating to other women thread is kind of depressing. her story is pretty much everyone’s story here, I don’t see what’s so egregious about it.
>>379860how is she pulling an uno reverse card?
No. 380018
>>379898>>379970I was asocial until 23, only socialised in school and online, no friends. Solution was to find organised events that interested me, going there and meeting people.
Boardgame nights, sewing classes, bicycle fixing workshops, whatever.
No. 380034
>>379997Don't do it nona. It's better to be lonely than to support troons.
Sorry for your experiences. Although I haven't been groomed or never been to 4chan, I also found it difficult to fit among other women. At least you can start by trying to form nice workplace/similar place relations if you're not ready for friendship. I still don't have really close female friends but I'd say my relationships with women get gradually better with age - maybe also because as we're older now we care about our own stuff and others are less into bullying for not being normie enough.
No. 380047
>>379460I was with you until that last sentence. I think I have n idea of where you're coming from. You're surrounded by MTFs but you're friends with them, I'm guessing you have shared hobbies (anime/video games/computer related work?) so yeah why wouldn't you be friends with them. I don't think it bothers you but on the off chance it does, why not seek more "normal" people in your field? I highly doubt that every person in your field is an autistic poly programmer cattim you might just have just self-selected out of hanging out with less insane people. Maybe I'm bias because I'm not from a westoid country but even then.
> She tells that every woman feels this way, and being able to get past that is how you signal to other women that you’re emotionally mature, that you can compromise with other people and get along. But I swear that I can already do that! I can hold a conversation and remember people’s birthdays, I just don’t want to wear dresses…Ignore her, that has to be the dumbest thing someone could say. You don't have to act as anything and forcing relationships is tricky, I don't think any of us on this thread are savvy enough for that lol. I guess she's right about the obsession with wanting to find an exact clone of yourself, it kind of made me cry but I'm already in my feefees anyway.
But I can assure you there are women like you out there, definitely here and on other adjacent communities. I wouldn't be surprised if the women mentioned from the party are actually like you but just keep themselves reserved.
All I could tell you is to be approachable and signal that you're interesting/safe to hang out with. Put yourself in places where you know women like you exist or try something new, you never know.
No. 380048
>>378537It's so creepy to see someone type that, I'm so scared to admit it to myself and maybe it's why I'm struggling to make friends now.
But yes I'm more exhausted than uninterested? I just don't want to repeat the same script I think I really struggle with hiding how I feel.
No. 380070
File: 1708179426245.mp4 (7.83 MB, 480x854, rapidsave.com_as_the_shy_kid_i…)
Idk is this fits the thread theme but as someone who struggled to make female friends after elementary school I found this scenario so painfully accurate.
No. 380075
>>380070I know someone who talks to me like this as an adult. A lot of our mutual friends are autistic so they don't notice and she does it only often enough to fuck with me. This video gave me a flight or fight response. Girls who did this are living in mcmansions with their wealthy boyfriends and parents inheritance money while you struggle to support yourself btw
>>380048Honestly it's really exhausting to have to keep up with people. I've been going through a depressive episode and all my friends are mentally ill and barely handle their own problems, so I can't go to them with my own. I feel bad for being so distant because I think some of them actually like me but it's a struggle. When I have to force myself to brush my teeth and do my work replying to messages and keeping up with other people's lives is a chore. I like my friends, really, I care about them, but…
No. 380149
File: 1708206320992.jpeg (28.67 KB, 255x340, IMG_1945.jpeg)
No. 381059
>>379460>>379460As
>>379466 said, there are lots of autistic or weird women with niche interests out there. As you can see here. You could try and go to convention/meetups/events/clubs. Try going to other countries too if yours is troon infested. America must really suck kek
No. 381232
>>380075>Girls who did this are living in mcmansions with their wealthy boyfriends and parents inheritance money while you struggle to support yourself btwThis. The cope that these girls are all fat and ugly or whatever these days is just that, a cope. Whenever I facebook stalk them, they have amazing lives with nice looking husbands, a dog, a cat, two kids and usually some fun part time or work from home oriented career. Beautiful houses too.
Meanwhile my only romantic experience has been with a few 4chan guys, tinder hookups and a Japanese man from interpals who convinced me to move there to live with him and then promptly abused me physically and emotionally.
So not only have they beaten me at the game of live materially and romantically and emotionally, I can't even claim any moral superiority since I've likely slept with more guys and certainly lower quality guys at that.
Shit sucks.
No. 381240
i feel like most women don't like me the moment we interact and for the most part immediately decide that i'm not someone they want to know. the only female friends i have are women who, largely due to being in classes with me, had to see me every week and eventually talked to me enough to start liking me. but even then, i can tell they treat me different from their other female friends. like there are some girls i met in grad school, and i'm quite fond of them, but i know that they text each other outside of the group chat all the time and never text me unless they need something. that's how it has always been, is that if i do manage to befriend women i'm always kind of a cursory friend that's never all the way in the fold. i don't know what's wrong with me.
like i can definitely recognize that i went through a NLOG phase in high school but honestly i felt like that gave me a lot of self-awareness of how not to behave as an adult but it doesn't seem to help. i'm great at complimenting women, i genuinely love to tell girls that their outfit or hair or makeup is cute, but it feels like they all respond to me the way that women respond to trannies?? like "aww thanks hon that's sweet (now go the fuck away)" and i am assuredly not a tranny.
i don't have the same problem with men which makes me feel worse, like if i was just across the board socially incompetent that would be one thing but it honestly drives me mad that i'm seemingly funny and charming and nice enough for guys to want to be friends with me (and i am certain there is no ulterior motive because absolutely nobody wants to fuck me) but i like… inherently repel other women, when all i want is a friend to do girly shit with. i have one girl bestie and she is wonderful but she's also not at all into anything traditionally feminine and that's fine for her, i love her to bits, but i really wish i had someone to enjoy those things with.
sometimes i think that it's probably the autism, that men don't pick up on the fact that i'm a little bit of a weirdo at first bc they think i'm just funny, but women can tell from our first interaction that there's something wrong with me and they don't want to associate with someone potentially embarrassing. idk. i feel like an incel sometimes because i just get mad that no matter how i behave or change my behavior/demeanor, it's just so palpable that every woman i meet absolutely cannot stand to be around me. even older women, like in administrative positions, i have noticed treat me MUCH worse than they treat other female students, and much worse than male faculty treat me. what am i doing to cause this???
No. 381245
>>381240In my experience friendships with moids involve less effort overall. You don't have to act overly friendly, or remember stuff about them or actively participate in their life. Just having some common interests is good enough. Actual friendships with women require actual effort to build and keep afloat. They require you to genuinely care about the person.
But maybe you've just been around shitty people.
No. 381258
File: 1708712152636.jpg (80.66 KB, 700x856, c51e024ee1462a056147cc1b63c3af…)
im an introvert neet and an untrendy kind of mentally ill, with selective mutism as the cherry on the top. i have shitty trauma so i don't know how to get close to people unless they make me feel very safe first which a lot of women understandably find off putting (malicious scrotes are a different story, they put effort into it to try to trick me so i don't want to make male friends either now). i have a grand total of one online female friend and zero irl. ive moved a lot so that's one of the reasons why im isolated. my last irl friendship with another woman ended years ago because she was a rude, bdp handmaiden and im so thankful she's gone because she kept throwing me under the bus. i wish i could make friends with people in my weird niche communities but im afraid to commit a faux pas and be shunned and ostracised, or mocked incessantly for whatever made-up reason my brain can come up with. i haven't felt as welcome here lately either despite being an oldfag but i don't want to derail the thread. all in all, shit sucks
No. 381467
>>38132537 year old virgin here finally people just leave me alone and don't ask me anything about prospective partners
Make it to 100 and become powerful
No. 381519
>>381466They hire a lot of ww where I work. But in my department there are all wm. I'm the only black and woman in my department. And our department moves more efficiently than others.
I’m gonna assume that the comments who don’t understand what you’re talking about are either white women themselves or they are ass kissers because any person of color would know what you’re talking about
(racebaiting) No. 381849
>>381617the posters there are more on the "weird" side
trannies and moids get banned
No. 381930
>>381584NTA, the last time I've been there the site was bombarded with CP and trannies. And the admin disappeared for months.
>I hate normalfags so much.Same
nonnie, normalfags begone
No. 382102
File: 1709139702893.gif (2.52 MB, 498x498, blush.gif)
Ahhhhh I wanna be friends with all of you
No. 382621
>>382593Autistic people are socially stunted
because their autism symptoms make it hard to gain social experiences in the first place.
No. 382677
>>382627>yeah autistic people are socially stunted but not every socially stunted person is autisticI get where you’re coming from. There are causes for social stunting in neurotypicals like trauma.
I have tried to find an autism diagnosis for years so that I can be eligible for government subsidies for therapy/social skills training and getting permanent wfh for my office job. The psychiatrists that I have been to are too misogynistic to consider that autism presents differently in women. I just get dismissed with a “depression” diagnosis but I actually just feel burned out from masking as a neurotypical.
I reckon society needs to do better in making social experience more accessible to people who are neurodivergent.
Below is the source for my self diagnosis :
https://embrace-autism.com/raads-r/#test(off topic) No. 384302
a few months ago, i met a ftm who was visiting a friend. we talked to each other in a few different group situations, and one time, the topic of me being "intimidating" came up. what rubbed me the wrong way was that the tif said that i came across as intimidating because i acted in the same way that she had before starting testosterone. this is something that other tifs have implied (ive known a few), that i should troon out in order to become more likeable. im gnc, i have a deep voice, im honest and assertive, and i just dont like doing certain things to change my body and my appearance. ive even had managers at jobs start de-gendering me in public because of the way that i look and speak. with all this in mind, i cant help thinking that most people who arent peaked see me as a latent tif, just because im autistic and gnc. the social opportunities that trooning out would grant me are hard to deny - id get a fun party scene, new friends, people would understand my gender and start seeing me as just an assertive, self-contained man rather than a weird half-woman sperging out. the fact that taking exogenous hormones and doing extreme body modification is what it would take for people to see me as human is really frustrating, and i feel like theres no place for me irl where i can be myself without being told i need medical help. do any other nonnas relate? is there a solution? -_-(-_-)
No. 384309
>>384302> the social opportunities that trooning out would grant me are hard to deny - id get a fun party scene, new friends, people would understand my gender and start seeing me as just an assertive, self-contained man rather than a weird half-woman sperging outI feel the same, which is why I have sympathy for TIFs who aren't complete NLOGs and detransitioners. But even if I see the perks of trooning (I'm masculine but wouldn't pass, but I'd just be "nonbinary"), I know that doing so is just letting sexist attitudes win. I used to get frustrated how I could find plenty of FTM/TIFs with my interests and personality, but zero normal women, but I realize I sort of need to show women that they can exist this way without changing themselves.
>>384305This is terrible advice, NGL. Pretending to be an enby is also letting sexism win, even if most of them don't get surgeries, it's still a political statement that implies women who aren't stereotypical Barbie girls must be something else. Plus there's actually a lot of hostility towards female trans in their communities, TIMs love talking shit about "cuntboys" and "theyfabs" because they're men. There's no winning either way.
No. 384367
I am trying to drift away from places like 4chan but it feels weird to me still, Ive been spending time on there almost everyday for the past few years and last year the only person that I spoke to daily was an autistic shut-in from another country who would talk to a lot of questionable people and get angry at me for expressing concerns. Last month he lied to me about finding and sleeping with someone, I couldn't deal with it because I had liked him at the time and cut him off (after already before leaving multiple times prior…) In actuality he was fawning over a girl from one of the servers that he had both said he left AND had stopped talking to beause she would talk to "kiddie ticklers" and begging her to talk to him again (she is 19) Beforehand I already had felt as though he only stuck around in the hopes I would be desperate enough to send sexual things for his approval since he would always bring up the possibility of me doing so and everytime I came back he would bring up my feelings for him and ask if they remained. I also had sent my face to him, because he kept asking, but never sent explicit pictures or anything.
After I left, my other discord friend was a strict Christian male who disliked anything involving gossip or small talk, so I would never really get personal with him. I also met several dudes from there who were very weird despite our similar interests in the process of trying to find new people and ultimately gave up. I uninstalled discord and while I don't think about/speak to anyone from there anymore apart from 1-2 friends who are completely "normal" and hate or are unaware of websites like those.
Now everytime I go on 4chan or spaces containing people like that dude, I realize it's just all the same sad things everyday. But now even though I know it's pointless to seek out the level of social interaction I desire from there, it's like a addiction. Whenever I get bored I go on there, sometimes without thinking. I don't even feel happy afterwards. I also feel as though I've suffered changes in my views as a result and that they'll be irreversable, or that some are not mine but ones I made up in my mind to fit what the men on there had as their "ideal woman". Before I had went on there I had never seen such unfiltered speech or opinions and I absorbed them all, gaining complexes towards other women and things that I did not have before (i.e; I would see anons talking about how "all women have to do is be skinny" and the guy I was talking to said I should be okay with being slightly underweight because it's "good". Now I'm more conscious about people telling me my weight is "ideal" and developed a fear of one day becoming fat after childbirth when before I didn't really care as long as I was healthy.)
I don't really know what to do in order to get out of these thought processes or how to forget everything I had seen and become a "normal" person again or like, the "pure wholesome and innocent" type. I'm still young and have people telling me this is a crucial and the most easiest time of my life to make friends but it's hard.
No. 384429
File: 1710172950657.jpg (511.98 KB, 733x1045, the gender knot 3rd ed.jpg)
>>384302don't wpath urself pls. the ftms don't even see themselves as human and dissociate to cope, ur not gonna gain any acceptance with them even if you do take the vaginal prolapse drug. the solution is to acknowledge that many people are always gonna be retarded about gnc women because they still live within the fictional patriarchal tale that says women are subordinate and feminine, and these people live by these fictional rules so hard they think women who don't follow them are betraying these rules. you can read more about it in allan g johnson's "the gender knot: unraveling our patriarchal legacy" which goes into detail about all the social rules, it really helped me understand wtf everyone was living like. basically don't let these people set the standard for how you will live your life. don't let their behaviour towards you stop you from living as you are.
No. 384448
File: 1710182506956.jpg (33.72 KB, 564x564, dariamtv.jpg)
It feels so impossible to make friends from point zero. Sure I can go out, get tipsy, talk to people and have fun for the evening but making any real connections seems impossible. I have one friend so I guess I'm in no position to talk shit but she's straight up mean to me most of the time, making fun of my interests and personality so I don't reach out to her anymore. I just want someone I can trust again, someone I can say anything to but the last person like that I had was a childhood friend but we fought so much in the end it was not worth it anymore. Since I became an adult I haven't made any friends and the only people I talked to in the meantime wanted to 'hang out' only to play games on their phone and not even look up when I talked to them. I used to be able to overlook things more easily and didn't have many strong opinions so it was easier but now I just can't enjoy talking to someone anymore if I think they're completely misguided. Doesn't help that my taste in media and general interests are all moidy as hell. I crave some type of connection but I just can't let my guard down anymore because I'm scared of being hurt or having people talk shit about me. I think I'm doomed to be an antisocial booktard.
>>384302I'm begging you nonna, don't make yourself go crazy because some retards with identity issues told you to do so. These women will happily mutilate their bodies and say it's to 'be themselves', they're the last people you should listen to.
No. 384454
>>384448I have the same problem. In my country people tend to only be interested in superficial friendships. Like they will be happy to chat with you and aren't unfriendly, but won't want to become the kinds of friends who actually go out with you to places or talk about anything deeper. For the most part, they stick with people who they were friends with in school. When I see people I went to school with post pictures of their nights out, the people they're with are mainly other people we went to school with or people from the first year of college. We're well in our twenties and in a capital city so it's not a thing of still being very young or living in a small town.
For me, I started suffering from depression after leaving school because something happened that
triggered my CSA trauma really badly and I started self-isolating. It's too late to try and contact my friends from when I was a teenager and I've had no luck making new friends. So the only friend I have is one from school who still contacted me once in a while after I started isolating myself. She's nice but we only go out with eachother every few months, so it's a casual friendship.
I had more luck befriending people in my mother's country than my own. She always told me I'd have so many friends if I lived in her country, and she was right. I'm not unlikeable, people not being interested in friendship is just a cultural thing here I guess. I understand why. If people already have a solid group of friends they've known all their lives, then why bother to make new friendships?
I'm thinking of trying to be friends foreign nationals in my country. People who don't have roots here are going to be looking for people to hang out with, and I don't mind showing them places or teaching them about our culture. Plus I'd enjoy learning about other countries too
No. 384730
File: 1710277001247.jpg (55.09 KB, 1008x512, slowly-featured-image.jpg)
There's this app I've been using called Slowly, it's gimmick is that you have to wait approximately around the same time as sending an irl letter to someone. You only get to send a letter so there's no back and forth messaging. I love it and everything but god does it feel awkward at times, feels like I'm having 4 different convos in a letter/email, it can feel disjointed at times.
I'm sharing it here because I've met some interesting women on it, I'm not super close obviously but I think more anons might appreciate it.
No. 384831
>>384485That is not true lol some of these nonnas just, understandably given the thread topic, are inclined to interpret things more negatively due to past experiences.
Even if it is true in some cases, I've found a lot of other women like feeling like they're "in" with somebody they perceive as prickly.
No. 387393
>>386966You shouldn’t expect an answer from nonnies here or else we wouldn’t be on this thread venting our troubles to make friends.
Anyway, I think the best way is to meet the same people frequently. That’s why people recommend that you commit to some kind of hobby group, a social activity, gym. If you’re aiming for gyms I’d specifically recommend going after sport activities like boxing or yoga. If you commit to a specific activity it’s only natural that you eventually reach out and ask for something mundane like going to grab coffee or something.
Just make sure you don’t leave the moment things are over but also keep in mind the age and the timing of the activity.
No. 387642
>>387634Have you framed your lack of interest in dating as not having found the right person yet?
I share dating fails (made up of course) with women acquaintances to be more ‘relatable’
No. 387767
>>387642Ayrt, I just say I don't feel like I 'have to' be in a relationship and if it happens it happens but that's still a weird stance apparently. They probably think it's a cope.
Some people just think I'm lesbian.
No. 391409
I haven't had female friends for years. When I was a child I changed schools every few years because my parents flipped houses. The friendships I had when I was really young never felt very solid, and they would fizzle out. When I was 9 there was a girl I was very close with, but she sexually assaulted me and several other girls. There were things we did together which I thought were innocent and sisterly, like seeing each other naked when we got changed or were showering after swimming, and sleeping in the same bed when we had sleepovers. I realised afterwards that she saw those things as sexual. She was 100% molested and hadn't processed her own experience. I never told anyone what happened, and her involvement with other girls meant it was a complex situation and I was terrified of telling an adult. She has daughters now.
After I ended that friendship I became very close with two other girls and stayed friends with them for a few years, but one of them tried to sexually assault me in the presence of the other girl at a sleepover, and the other girl didn't stand up for me at all, nor give me any words of support afterwards. She acted similarly when a pedophile preyed on me in high school. That girl told me years later that she was "in love" with me and again I was disgusted to learn that things I thought were innocent were perceived as sexual. She eventually trooned out.
Every time I befriended a female after that, I felt like they wanted way more emotional investment from me than I was comfortable with. I've NEVER been able to have a relaxed friendship with another woman, it always feels like they're trying to simulate a romantic relationship in terms of the level of vulnerability they expect from me. There are also issues a lot of women struggle with that really put me off, like internalised misogyny and major self esteem issues. I've caught flak in my life from ugly and fat women simply by existing and not even looking their way. I don't feel that I'm in competition with other women at all and have never felt "threatened". I'm not interested in ever getting married or having children, but it's not due to inexperience, retarded internet brainwashing or medical issues. I've obviously had moid friends come onto me, and I didn't hesitate to cut them off. I think that the only person in this world that has my back is my mother, and no other person could ever care about my wellbeing as much as her. Friendship and romance are extremely unpredictable. I feel like I've experienced every type of intimacy and life-affirming experience that I've craved and I'm now only interested in focusing on myself.
No. 391473
>>377634Seriousness and taking yourself seriously, not being able/not wanting to engage in rituals of feminine humiliation, difficulties in perceiving innuendos, less empathy (i think even slightly lower empathy is strongly felt in women's interactions), assuming others won't be offended because you aren't, 'over-familiarity' ie. being really relaxed around social rules (though that pisses off men too), being direct and honest when it's not asked of you (also a man problem, but women may dwell on it more). Don't lose hope though, i've had really good and long-lasting friendships with girls/women precisely because i was earnest (i think lesbians can relate, female friends venting about men problems because they know you won't sugarcoat your advice).
Happy to say i've made an autistic friend from SNS and it's one of the best things that's happened to me recently. We're nowhere near being besties or anything but i really enjoy her company, she's terribly interesting and her bluntness makes her hilarious. We can do ping-pong style convos of stating facts at each other or rambling about random shit without any awkwardness, it's great. She's really talkative too, so it takes pressure off my shoulders. Not sure what lesson/advice i can exctract from this aside that it's worth it to stick around a woman even if there's trouble between you, if you feel you're on the same wavelength. I was weirded out at first (she's noticeably more autistic than me on some points) but i'm really happy i didn't retreat into my shell
No. 391587
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>>340123>girl-centric internet has been invaded by normie girlsThey will enter some subculture on the internet, get mad at some unhinged people who for better or for worst, keep the community alive and try to remodel things to fit their own tastes. The constant neuroticism and policing over what is right or wrong is what gets me.
No. 391588
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>I make friends
>I sperg about my autistic interests
>They can't relate
>They ghost me
How do I break this cycle? I'm at my limit.