/g/ - Red flags in relationships

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Red flags in relationships Anonymous 05/06/25 (Tue) 10:47:13 PM No. 546841

In this thread, please write down the earliest red flags you realized you had ignored after the friendship or relationship went to shit. Let's learn from eachother the early signs of future abuse or just a shit person so we can avoid people like that in the future.

Anonymous 05/06/25 (Tue) 10:51:28 PM No. 546842

I will start:
>telling you not to be late for a mutual meeting with another person, because they don't want to get on that person's bad side, but for some reason they are always late when they meet up with you
I guess she wanted to get on my bad side, huh?

Anonymous 05/06/25 (Tue) 10:51:47 PM No. 546843

In hindsight I really shouldn't have dated someone from 4chan.

Anonymous 05/06/25 (Tue) 11:00:42 PM No. 546844

Was against banning porn

Anonymous 05/06/25 (Tue) 11:00:46 PM No. 546845

An easy one to spot is when you have to walk on eggshells around someone continuously. If somebody is upset or angry over seemingly small things very often, imagine yourself decades down the line after the same repeated behavior. You'll wear yourself down in no time and you will only associate that person with the negative feelings you have when you're with them.

Anonymous 05/06/25 (Tue) 11:06:05 PM No. 546846

this thread should be on /g/ instead

Anonymous 05/06/25 (Tue) 11:12:06 PM No. 546847

Says things like
>I don't want you to think X about me
>I don't want you to think I'm like X or Y
The key here is that they are want to control your perception of them and want to remove your autonomy by preventing you from coming to your own conclusion about them based on the way they behave.

Making excuses for something nice they wanted to do for you, but didn't end up doing:
>I wanted to get/do something for you, but…
There's literally no point for anyone to say that unless they want to manipulate you into thinking that they are so thoughtful or generous without doing anything. If someone doesn't get you a gift or didn't do something you didn't ask them to and declares "they wanted to" but the stars just didn't align, that's just trying to paint a fake image of themselves without doing anything. A normal person who wanted to get you flowers but failed, wouldn't mention it and just get them for you the next time you meet.

Anonymous 05/06/25 (Tue) 11:24:26 PM No. 546848

>So, uh, first off, I know we've been dating for a few months, but I need you to promise you won't judge me. Do you know what BPD is?

Anonymous 05/06/25 (Tue) 11:28:38 PM No. 546849

People who tell you they don't like XYZ but kiss their ass when they talk to them. Or they say they hate their friends but they still hang out with them anyway. They will lie about you to other people or trick you into thinking you are special.
Also maybe this is a bit out there but people who find loopholes to things like agreements or rules and abuse them. If you tell them not to do XYZ and it's important to you they're gonna try their damnest to skirt around that.

Anonymous 05/06/25 (Tue) 11:28:52 PM No. 546850

>>546848
Made me kek sorry

Anonymous 05/06/25 (Tue) 11:34:57 PM No. 546851

>talks badly about other women
>"uhhh…I am usually not like this…You are the first person that this has happened with" in both a positive and a negative way, I'm sorry
>refuses to engage emotionally - even if it is the beginning of the relationship, it's still a red flag
>holds A LOT of grudges from their past - usually means a victim mentality

Anonymous 05/07/25 (Wed) 01:22:10 AM No. 546852

Can’t maintain friendships with other people. You’ll eventually find out why

Anonymous 05/07/25 (Wed) 01:26:14 AM No. 546853

>>546852
>"Oh wow, nonny! I'm so happy we get along so well! Honestly it's so hard being friends with other women, I normally only hang out with guys."
>cancels plans made weeks earlier because of "mystery illness"
>Hangs out with a moid instead and posts about it on socials

Anonymous 05/07/25 (Wed) 02:38:41 AM No. 546854

>porn addicted
>nlog tendencies or "wow no other gurl has ever been with me" types
>parasocial obsessions

Anonymous 05/07/25 (Wed) 02:49:50 AM No. 546855

Posts obsessively on Instagram. There's someone I know who does it literally every fucking day and I just can't help but wonder what she expects to get out of it. Who actually wants to see mundane pictures of what someone ate for lunch, or those dumbass nose-forehead pictures zoomers love posting for whatever reason.

Anonymous 05/07/25 (Wed) 02:59:38 AM No. 546856

"Sorry it took me three weeks to respond to you anon, I'm just sooo overwhelmed ugh I suck at communication!!" as they have the mental capacity and time to live post their every thought on social media & engage with every one who comments.

Anonymous 05/07/25 (Wed) 04:27:33 AM No. 546857

>>546856
This and then claimed to struggle with ADHD or autism or any trendy mental illness

Anonymous 05/07/25 (Wed) 05:15:27 AM No. 546871

If you don't order something to eat or drink and he doesn't insist or share his with you, or even if you do order something and he doesn't let you try his.

He doesn't walk next to you.

He hides things from you.

He's judgemental.

He isn't calm and collected under stress or when things don't go his way.

He doesn't get your humor or laugh with you.

He doesn't try to better himself even if he's already perfect to you.

He doesn't speak more than one language and never traveled anywhere for an extended period or lived anywhere else.

He doesn't have any hobbies or interests.

He doesn't work or own anything or have any savings, and no plans to either.

He eats junk food.

If all of these apply due to age then he's not a man and not worth dating at all, perhaps you can use him as a practice bf considering you are probably young yourself.

Anonymous 05/07/25 (Wed) 05:33:34 AM No. 546886

>>546871
All of this. If he is generally a selfish inconsiderate deadbeat than you should cut him off and enjoy your new peace.

>Perhaps you can use him as a practice bf considering you are probably young yourself.
If a moid acts like this he doesn't even deserve that much proximity to you. If you're young explore new places and grow your life, don't waste it on a half assed excuse of a """man"""

Anonymous 05/07/25 (Wed) 06:07:40 AM No. 546920

>>546871
>never traveled anywhere for an extended period or lived anywhere else.
>He eats junk food
I don't think these are bad, most people eat junk food to some extent unless someone is constantly eating it well that's a dif story; and lack of moving or traveling could be caused by outside factors. Everything else rings true, especially
>He doesn't have any hobbies or interests.
I have no idea how people like this exist and function and they freak me out. What do you mean you don't have hobbies

Anonymous 05/07/25 (Wed) 06:33:36 AM No. 546951

>>546871
>He doesn't try to better himself even if he's already perfect to you.
>He doesn't speak more than one language and never traveled anywhere for an extended period or lived anywhere else
These aren't red flags at all. And eating junk food is based

Anonymous 05/07/25 (Wed) 06:51:35 AM No. 546966

If male from a different ethnicity—putting down women of his own race (too feminist, too educated, too "masculine") while elevating yours… often via stereotypes (don't be surprised if it's from porn)

Anonymous 05/07/25 (Wed) 07:08:51 AM No. 546980

>>546966
it's like when they talk badly about "women nowadays". it's not a compliment at all and is basically an admission that they think you're a little fool who will let them get away with things that the women they're comparing you to won't

Anonymous 05/07/25 (Wed) 08:19:20 AM No. 547006

My main redflag is them being male

Anonymous 05/07/25 (Wed) 08:44:15 AM No. 547012

Talks too much about how cool and amazing you are. Yeah sure it's nice to be worshipped or whatever in fiction but it's often a sign of lovebombing. Just wait a month or two and those words will become the most hateful vitriolic shit about you instead

Anonymous 05/07/25 (Wed) 09:04:25 AM No. 547016

>>547012
And also
>Talks too much about how cool and amazing he is

Anonymous 05/07/25 (Wed) 09:24:01 AM No. 547018

>tries to push on you many ideas they have about you that describe you as true statements despite not knowing you that well, trying to make you submit to their idea of you without getting to know the real you
This is really weird, it's like the person thinks that if they keep saying you're this or that you will be that? This can be used for positive and negative traits but sucks both ways cuz it feels like the person doesn't give a shit how you really are
>tries to pull you into some weird camraderie by saying self-derogatory things and claiming they see it in you too so you're "kindred spirits"
This is really gross and takes advantage of lonely people who want to feel close to someone but it's corrosive. You can be feeling fine and suddenly someone comes at you saying it's nice to have someone who sucks the same as they do, ugh

Anonymous 05/07/25 (Wed) 11:01:43 AM No. 547033

Immediately yells or raises his or her voice during arguments

Anonymous 05/07/25 (Wed) 12:10:54 PM No. 547067

Almost all of these apply to me. (No, I usually don't rope new people in my life.)

Anonymous 05/07/25 (Wed) 02:28:32 PM No. 547136

Eating like a twelve year old. No one in their twenties should be eating "chicken tendies" every fucking day. Ntm I just can't stand eating the same thing constantly. I get tired of it quickly.

I also won't date anyone who drinks Monster Energy.

Anonymous 05/07/25 (Wed) 02:48:11 PM No. 547143

If a person constantly complains about things that they could easily change or fix, but they just never do it. Not fixing easy things in general is just a sign that someone doesn't give a fuck and is lazy. If they can't be bothered for something small, they will almost never take any action on bigger issues.

Also, if a man ever reminds you of Mordecai from Regular Show at any point, drop him from your life immediately. Even if he is just a friend. That has to be one of the easiest archetypes of men to diagnose and avoid.

Anonymous 05/07/25 (Wed) 03:13:21 PM No. 547150

>insisting you tell each other's passwords because "you should have nothing to hide, why don't you trust me?"
>Insisting on you having location tracking activated at all times on your phone
>Telling you to unfriend/unfollow your genuine friends of the opposite/same sex (doesn't apply to instathots and influencers)
>Seeing that they follow a ton of instathots/goonbait content, but saying to you "They're not even real though? If you did the same I wouldn't care"
In other words, they want to have their cake and eat it too. They only say they wouldn't care because they don't want you to care about them doing it, and they probably don't value you as a person if they can't give up their coomshit.
>When asked what kind of things they fantasize about with you, it comes straight out of their favorite OF videos down to the outfit and scenarios.
If they don't bother to fantasize about intimate moments you've had together like a normal person does and need outside stimulation, they're not really attached to you and you are replaceable to them, or worse, they're always fantasizing about these OF thots while using you as a fleshlight pretty much.

Anonymous 05/07/25 (Wed) 03:30:03 PM No. 547155

>sympathizing with porn addicts/pedophiles as if they can be reasoned with
>being easily influenced by others with no strong convictions of their own
>Being a hardcore rightoid, enlightened centrist, or a tankie
>following Mizkif, Hasan, Ethan, Asmon, or twitchthots in general
>Being a TRA
>Being a slavaboo
>Being a Palestinefag
>Taking news they read online at a surface level and not diversifying their sources
>Defending TikTok or being a Tiktok fag, especially by claiming it's an unbiased source that shows videos that MSM tries to hide, even though it's a fucking algorithm with almost zero verifiable sources that pushes content that it wants you to see, as if websites other than TikTok don't exist
>Lacking critical thinking
>When presented with solid evidence that contradicts their prior held beliefs, doubles down and gets indignant instead of considering that they might be wrong or mistaken
>Caring more about being seen as morally superior rather than being correct in their judgments

Anonymous 05/07/25 (Wed) 03:34:34 PM No. 547158

>>547143
That episode where he ruined Muscle Man's wedding because he's such a selfish fucking shithead that he had to make it about himself and his shitty failed situationship with C.J

Anonymous 05/07/25 (Wed) 04:17:57 PM No. 547176

Whether for friendship or a romantic relationship, imo a very spiritual person is annoying and should be avoided. They never shut up about their spirituality bullshit and bother you about it 24/7 and try to analyze you through it and force you into a box based on it. They try to tell you their spirituality woo woo ass shit is the solution to all your problems and you're doing everything wrong because you're not part of their cult or whatever. I think it's hard to avoid them sperging out about it even if you set boundaries from the start because it's such an ingrained part of a spiritualfag's identity that they can never let go of or not let influence everything. They're exactly like religious people and as annoying at times. Also, avoid religious people at all costs, but this one is self-explantory I hope.

Anonymous 05/07/25 (Wed) 06:12:08 PM No. 547318

>You're really going to wear that?

Anonymous 05/07/25 (Wed) 06:48:21 PM No. 547351

Having a penis is pretty much the only red flag you need to look out for.

Anonymous 05/07/25 (Wed) 07:16:41 PM No. 547395

>someone who's apolitical and doesn't vote
Apolitical moids are some of the worst. They're a different kind of infuriating than someone with a team sports mentality when it comes to politics. I don't mean that they have to talk about it all the time or let it dominate their lives 24/7, but it's something that affects all of our lives and especially our loved ones whether we participate or not. If you don't make the choice to vote, someone else will for you. Especially now in American politics, we don't have the luxury to bury our heads in the sand with all the crazy and outright corrupt bullshit going on. The whole "both sides are exactly the same so it doesn't matter!!" "so many others are voting, why do I need to participate?" is a big part of how we ended up like this.

Anonymous 05/07/25 (Wed) 07:46:59 PM No. 547415

>gets weirdly and very excited from having interactions with you, even though it had no sexual undertones and was an innocent activity
It's gross, the person has the hots for you and doesn't know how to self regulate, sign of low self awareness, probably will never make a move on you but thinks they are hiding it well, just makes everyone involved uncomfortable and this will escalate into other issues in the future.

>>547351
Stop shitting up the thread with obvious stuff that has already been posted a few times, it's not helpful. This thread is about red flags which are related to specific behaviors to look out for, being male is not a behavior and it's not specific enough to be used as a red flag. It is also very obvious that someone is male so it cannot be overlooked when moving forward building a relationshit. You can take out your anger on males in many other places on this board and everyone here is already aware of this viewpoint anyway so you're not saying anything new.

Anonymous 05/07/25 (Wed) 08:05:23 PM No. 547436

>>547415
You can nitpick and minimod whatever red flags you want but at the end of the day, if you're dating a moid you are doomed lol.

Anonymous 05/07/25 (Wed) 08:17:10 PM No. 547454

>>547436
I'm not minimodding, it's just off topic

Anonymous 05/08/25 (Thu) 05:10:36 AM No. 547862

> reddit user
> gamer
> lives off uber eats
> no licence or car
> obsessed with politics
> "one day when I'm rich"
> doesnt wash hair
> porn addict

Anonymous 05/08/25 (Thu) 01:41:53 PM No. 548008

>>547351
WRONG. Post-op trannies also date women.

Anonymous 05/08/25 (Thu) 01:43:11 PM No. 548009

>>548008
how do women handle the tranny stench?

Anonymous 05/08/25 (Thu) 02:19:22 PM No. 548015

>>547415
>>547454
let anons shitpost once in a while lol

Anonymous 05/08/25 (Thu) 02:23:44 PM No. 548018

> talking about women who wear lots of makeup, dress up etc “oh anon but I love how natural you are!” (Gag)
> having a bad relationship with their mother, deadbeat dad that they worship for some reason
> talks shit about their sister in a way you sense there’s more than normal sibling resentment.
> only suggests sexual stuff that they ant to do, stops showing interest when you’re in the mood and avoids you, makes you feel bad for having a normal libido
> calls you narcissistic, crazy, vain etc for doing something you enjoy
> randomly criticizes people around you (“oh Anon her dress is way too tight, ew”)
> speaks about themselves like they’re super fragile, apologizes constantly, “I guess I’m just too sensitive”, overemphasis on their hyper empathy
> says disgusting and shocking things and looks at you as if to read your reaction

Anonymous 05/26/25 (Mon) 03:54:53 PM No. 563230

please never date moids who use telegram or who use tor/onion. they're always pedophiles.

Anonymous 05/26/25 (Mon) 04:30:15 PM No. 563252

People who are utterly incapable of having difficult conversations (with anyone around them) and just become majorly avoidant, especially if they later blow up about something that could have been handled through communication earlier on. Huge relationship/friendship killer. Why do people do this?

Anonymous 05/26/25 (Mon) 04:48:12 PM No. 563284

>dislikes animals, or gets visibility irritated when a pet does normal pet things and doesn't want to be touched/played with
>can't clean up after themselves and lets the house go to shit if you leave for more than one day
>similarly, has an overly doting mother who was a SAH mom who did everything for them and still does
>blames you for everything that goes wrong; never takes responsibility
>all their past relationships failed because of reasons outside of their control (yeah right)
>comments on your appearance or body but then calls you sensitive for trying to fix or hiding those perceived flaws
>compares you to other women
>political and social views don't align with how he lives his life

be safe out there nonnas

Anonymous 05/26/25 (Mon) 04:51:11 PM No. 563289

Couldn't be happy for me about small things, let it go because they were small and not a big deal. But then she couldn't be happy for the big wins either! I wish I'd taken it seriously earlier.

Anonymous 05/26/25 (Mon) 06:59:41 PM No. 563391

>>563284
Omg the mom thing. My ex’s mom babied him so much that she defended him when he cheated on me and wanted to go on a trip with this girl. It was insane. He’s unemployed now and just lives off of money mommy gives him.

Anonymous 05/26/25 (Mon) 07:12:56 PM No. 563395

>>563252
This is my worst trait. I couldn't tell you why I do this, some absurd way of peace-keeping and to not feel like a nuisance and I think I'll swallow whatever I'm feeling but it gets regurgitated, always.

Anonymous 05/26/25 (Mon) 07:54:18 PM No. 563454

>>563284
>dislikes animals
So true. Goes for friends aswell, if they're indifferent or hostile to animals in general it's really bad

Anonymous 05/26/25 (Mon) 11:18:29 PM No. 563593

>>563395
ayrt like I do kind of understand, esp if you grew up in a home where you weren’t allowed to talk about things.

Anonymous 05/27/25 (Tue) 02:53:15 AM No. 563765

Moids who hate children.
I don't know where this new trending opinion that moids who hate children are based comes from. Is it because they supposedly aren't tradfaggots and won't baby trap you? Because they'll force you to be a live in bangmaid regardless of whether they want kids or not so that's retarded. Moids who hate kids often do it out of a place of intellectual narcissism; they think anything younger or smaller or "lesser" than them = worthless and retarded, and they'll push that mentality onto other adults in their life too. Usually comorbid with hating animals/pets, or having any empathy for anyone with lesser advantages in life.

Anonymous 05/27/25 (Tue) 02:54:39 AM No. 563766

talking about themselves too much

Anonymous 05/27/25 (Tue) 03:04:03 AM No. 563770

Being cheap, unless you’re already partnered and trying to save to build your life.

Money was designed by men, for men, men naturally want any woman they desire to beleive they have money, as money is directly tired to masculinity and power. That’s why there’s men who refuse to date women who earn more than them. If you’re on the early dates and he isn’t offering to pay for everything, red flag. If you disagree you’re a pick me

Anonymous 05/27/25 (Tue) 03:17:12 AM No. 563775

>>563770
It's a red flag either way because of male society to me. If he doesn't offer to pay then well, the reasons you stated, but if he's insisting and waving his money in my face I feel indebted and creeped out as well

Anonymous 05/27/25 (Tue) 07:14:11 AM No. 563940

>>563770
>>563775
If he's insistent about paying for everything, usually he's very controlling and will feel entitled, like you owe him (usually sexual favors).
>money is directly tired to masculinity and power
I don't get it. Isn't that something you want to avoid? Who wants some jackass macho moid?

Anonymous 05/27/25 (Tue) 08:03:13 AM No. 563974

>Exclusively listens to metal music
As a metal fan myself, I've noticed that scrotes who make metal their personality tend to be the biggest m
Manchildren I've come across. They don't even listen to good metal bands. It's always something shitty like dying fetus or cannibal corpse because they think it's makes them cool and edgy.

>Older moids
Age gaps are gross if the moid is older. There's something wrong with him if he's much older than you and isn't taken or has kids. They're not more mature than men your age, they're just manchildren who are better at manipulating you.

>Has little to no empathy towards sa victims, particularly women. Is more concerned with false rape accusations
If a guy gets upset when you talk about sa and brings up men's issues, he's 100% a pos who has sa a woman or child before and is overcompensating. If he gets irrationally upset about women's issues and makes it about himself, he's a pos

Anonymous 05/27/25 (Tue) 10:23:31 AM No. 564010

>>563395
Please… Don't do this. This causes the other person so much confusion and pain in exchange for your temporary comfort of not setting boundaries and displaced responsibily. After being on the receiving end of this for a few years I never knew where I was standing with my self proclaimed "best friend" and the friendship went to -100 for me, while she was convinced everything was alright and we were on good terms because she didn't confront me. Even when I brought something up, she would never admit to it being a problem but I obviously felt something was wrong. I also lost all respect for her and I was constantly worried and exhausted from wondering if I am overstepping her invisible boundaries by doing completely normal things.

>Uses words to create a fake reality in the beginning of getting to know eachother, and later.
Words like "I want us to be good friends" when you are literally seeing this person for the first or second time in your life. Or telling you things about you in a statement manner even though they don't know that much about you, like a command for you to behave or be in a certain way that they are pushing onto you, like a mold.
>I know a good person when I see one.
These are pretty easy to spot manipulations but equally easy to take them as a compliment. These are not compliments.

Anonymous 05/28/25 (Wed) 10:39:04 AM No. 564632

>>563395
I used to do the same thing and I've lost friendships because of this. I really regret how I acted but I know better now. I grew up in a shitty home and was never allowed to complain

Anonymous 05/28/25 (Wed) 02:01:51 PM No. 564681

>>564010
I also do this (and also grew up in a home where I wasn't allowed to complain) and I'm struggling right now not to do this because a friend with severe mental health issues (and who still has to live at home) is not being a good friend. But I don't know how to confront her about it.

>>563974
'edgy' music or humour is a good one it's reflective of a desire for constant attention and when you can't constantly make them feel good they'll start acting out to punish you / make you feel bad and get negative attention and control instead

Anonymous 05/28/25 (Wed) 05:36:06 PM No. 564759

>>546841

Anonymous 05/28/25 (Wed) 06:08:31 PM No. 564771

if they have bad relations with their family

Anonymous 05/28/25 (Wed) 06:13:55 PM No. 564772

>>564771
To be fair, their family could be trash

Anonymous 05/28/25 (Wed) 06:28:32 PM No. 564778

>>564772
them having a trash family is also kind of a redflag

Anonymous 05/28/25 (Wed) 08:15:53 PM No. 564834

true, i have a shitty family and have tons of red flags i have to work through

Anonymous 05/28/25 (Wed) 10:34:48 PM No. 564864

>>564010
Oh my god, this happened to me too. Most frustrating experience of my life and I’d never met a more evasive person. It was weird and I’m honestly glad that friendship is over. Stressed me out so much because sometimes she wouldn’t even talk but only emoji react to people for days. I get needing a break but learn to use your words if you’re an adult.

Anonymous 05/29/25 (Thu) 01:34:56 AM No. 564929

Bad memory.
I'm sorry but there are no excuses. If you don't remember, ask them to repeat it again and write it in notes. I don't care if I sound like an authoritarian retard, I'm not going to repeat myself. And they always cry trauma or ADHD like guess what faggot I have both of them too and I still try harder than you. Cope.
If it's dates and addresses with dozens of numbers then that's fine, but forgetting your partner'd birthday or simple needs etc is pathetic.

Anonymous 05/29/25 (Thu) 11:56:53 AM No. 565186

>>564772
My ex's family was trash and he convinced me he was the poor misunderstood black sheep of the family. Yes his family members were BPD demons and yes he was the scapegoat but he still was raised by bad people so he ended up being a bad person too. He was just so evil that not even his family members liked him.

Anonymous 05/29/25 (Thu) 12:38:58 PM No. 565199

>>563974
>I've noticed that scrotes who make metal their personality tend to be the biggest manchildren I've come across
I haven't dated a guy like this, but as a metalhead that used to know a fair share of male metalheads, holy shit, I agree with what you said, 100% truth. I would also add that another red flag is usually men that proclaim the superiority of one music genre, and claim everything else is trash, and that the people that listen to other genres are inherently stupid in some way. That isn't exclusive to metal fans though, I've seen this behavior from them a lot, but I have actually seen it the most with classical music fans kek.