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No. 393951
File: 1714183698991.jpg (17.84 KB, 400x353, jajshkdahl2flf.jpg)
my current boss (he's the branch supervisor and i'm the branch admin assistant) is the nicest boss I've ever had by far, but it makes me nervous that he's secretly attracted to me or something. He always compares me to his wife in my behavior (but to be fair has introduced me to her via video when he works from home and says she knows about me too) and always wants to chat with me for long periods of time, he massively overshares about all topics all the time and even other people's business and drama, but also sometimes topics of conversation come back to his past "dating strategies" (I don't want to hear about it but he doesn't take my hints and he's my boss and I'm in a very low-level position so I can't be more firm) like "i never had sex right off the bat with a woman, that's crucial, blah blah blah"… but since the oversharing is a broad pattern that makes it harder to pin down bad intentions with those particular tangents. He always likes to tease me and tries to give me lots of life advice, he has daughters who are about 10 years older than me so i try to think of it as "fatherly" but I just don't trust scrotes like that, even though I do like him as a person.
Today he revealed he got me a birthday present for next week, and I'm feeling really uncomfortable about it. IDK what it is, tbh it doesn't matter what it is, I just wish he didn't. He treats me much nicer than any of the other employees (not that he's mean, just to-the-point). To be fair our personalities do mesh very easily just as people, so it makes sense we get along, but ughhhghhuhghh I just hate being "friends" with scrotes, especially older scrotes. I don't want to suddenly change my tune and become less friendly/change how i interact with him, but at the same time I want to reel this in a little bit just because it makes me afraid that one day he's gonna start saying weird things to me or something… I don't think he is, but the fear is always there.
I'm pretty ugly in the face so that makes it less likely, but still. I feel like you never know with scrotes. What should I do, how should I react to the gift next week? how can I put more professional distance between us after almost a year of employment without it being awkward or looking like I'm backtracking?
No. 393982
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i started working at a small therapy clinic as an assistant a couple months ago. i was originally excited about it, but now im starting to grow bitter and frustrated. as nice as my boss is, i can't help but get irritated every time he points out a mistake i made. like i found it helpful at first, but over time i started to get tired and stressed about it. i understand it's constructive criticism, but i can't seem to figure out why i get so pissy about it. i've had other jobs and dealt with constructive criticism just fine. it's gotten to the point that i'm starting to dread work a bit and outside of it i sometimes start thinking about how i need to do xyz when i get back in. how do i chill out and stop myself from taking things so personally?
No. 394055
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the more i think about it, the more i think i should've spared a gap year and tried getting a higher rank to get Fashion Design instead of Knitwear Design because everything i wanted to study in fashion is involved in Fashion Design. When i was first allotted my current course, i'd thought FD would just be draping and stitching and sketching and a lot of overlap with KD, but it has all that i was interested in, costuming, luxury & couture, and styling. i don't know what to do anymore, do a second bachelor's, do online courses, move on and hope i get FD jobs anyways, what do i do?
and all this because i was so desperate to get into college, what did it get me? nobody even asks if you needed to take a gap year to get into college, i can't even be braggadocious about it.
No. 394083
>>394056Plan out everything in advance (like travel routes, including any walking distance). Expect delays with trains, tube and busses (TfL is a good website for travel disruption updates, though you probably already know that). Avoid travel during peak times unless you absolutely have to. But don't travel too late either.
In central London especially it's very crowded and people will be either moving at a snail's pace or barrelling through so try to adapt (tourists vs working professionals commuting basically). It's very hectic in general. Keep your valuables safe, though that applies to travel everywhere.
Weather wise, expect everything in a single day, though it is generally 5 degrees C or so warmer than surrounding areas, from my experience at least. Wear waterproof shoes.
Like the previous anon said, it's better not to talk to strangers. Especially ones that are yelling trying to get your attention across the road or some shit.
Although I'm not sure how helpful any of this is, I haven't lived there for a little while and I've heard it has changed a lot and not for the better.
Just keep yourself safe and I hope the trip goes well.
No. 394103
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Why are my parents so mad that I didn't get invited to a wedding?
So like, the girl is part of a family that's been friends of my family for a long time already, and she's a close friend of my brother.
She's younger than us and we used to study at the same school for a while. But I honestly just have always kept everyone at an arm's length because I'm too emotionally and socially tired to do the whole song and dance stuff of talking to random people and I'm sure everyone knows this, I tend to only have one friend because I have issues with texting back and such.
Anyways, I was invited to her brother's wedding a few years ago and I was okay, I didn't wear anything inappropriate and I just didn't feel like dancing because my shoes were killing me, that's it. I also felt self-conscious about how I looked like because I was at my highest weight ever (108 kilos) so I didn't want to take any pictures with people, and I also didn't know who I was even supposed to be taking pictures with during the wedding and such, so I kind of just followed my brother around like a shadow.
Anyways, I honestly don't feel bad about not being invited because i don't feel that amazing nowadays with my body, I lost weight but I still feel like I look disgusting, so going to a party, buying a new dress, buying new shoes and so on sounds like a pain in the ass to me right now.
I think my parents should go with my brother and his girlfriend since she got invited, but they keep saying that they won't go if I wasn't invited? It's kind of silly to me.
And yeah, I don't really like the idea of going even though I wasn't invited either because that's dumb.
Idk, I feel like they have their reasons to not invite me specifically, I'm not the most social person, I also tend to look tacky in pictures, I don't know how to dance and I'm pretty ugly, I also was a mess at school and so on, so idk, it doesn't feel like it isn't that bad to not be invited, I don't mind staying at home and resting.
No. 394105
>>394103Is that why they didn't invite you, because they felt like you wouldn't have wanted to come anyway and they didn't want to force you into a situation that would put stress on you? I mean, it's still a little weird that they didn't invite you, especially if they invited your family and your brother's significant other, but if you're truly okay with not going and there's no resentment there, maybe just try to explain that to your family? They might just think it's unfair that you didn't get invited and it must mean that the girl has something against you when in reality she probably knows you more than you know her through your brother, and knows you wouldn't feel comfortable going. Or in a more negative light, they are saying that in order to force you to go, which is hopefully not the case. Just try to explain to your family what you said in this post, maybe offer to help with getting a present and write a personal card if it's something you're comfortable doing, you don't have to be particularly close to the person to be happy for them that they're getting married. Probably silly suggestions but idk, maybe it will calm your family and show them that you're happy not to go, and will appreciate some alone time.
No. 394122
>>394103>feel like they have their reasons to not invite me specifically, I'm not the most social person, I also tend to look tacky in pictures, I don't know how to dance and I'm pretty ugly, I also was a mess at school and so on, so idk, it doesn't feel like it isn't that bad to not be invited, I don't mind staying at home and resting.I think it's more likely you didn't get invited because you clearly didn't enjoy yourself at that other wedding.
>Why are my parents so mad that I didn't get invited to a wedding?>I think my parents should go with my brother and his girlfriend since she got invited, but they keep saying that they won't go if I wasn't invited?They're not mad, they don't want to make you feel left out and hurt your feelings.
No. 394133
>>394127I'd tell someone irl about it just in case something happens. You could just tell your family but the important thing is that it's someone you know and who can be contacted by law enforcement.
If you really feel unsafe then try to avoid going to that store/ general area for some time, write down what he looks like and when and where exactly he was following you.
I hope this doesn't sound too schizo but you never know with moids especially when you don't reciprocate interest. It could also be nothing serious so don't dwell over this and stay safe nony.
No. 394140
>>394135Still better than no description at all! Also aren't there safety apps now for sharing your location that automatically set off an alarm whenever you take your finger off the screen? You might want to look into that. Maybe also get pepper spray or weapons for self defence (whatever is legal where you live). Hopefully you won't have to use them but going these extra steps will make you feel safer and take your mind off of this.
It's frustrating that this is a problem in the first place.
No. 394276
I'm writing this because I need opinions from women who are smarter and more perceptive than me:
I'm in college and I've fallen for this guy recently. We were crushing on each other in our writing class and have been seeing each other for a little while now. Our dynamic is healthy and being with him is good for me so far. He's a sensitive musician and he makes me happy.
He's also a little, um. Faggy. Which I like. I'm GNC (detransed after 5 years, never medically transitioned), though, and one night we were laid up in bed when he started talking about wanting to be "more feminine".
When I asked what he meant he said some stuff about being more open and fluid and… less all or nothing about showing emotion… Great, but when I explained how that's different from a masculine/feminine type thing, he got upset because I wasn't listening to him.
Which is ok… I'm kind of socially stunted and I have a tendency to steamroll other people in conversations because I get lost in my head. I was talking over him, but I maintain that what he's talking about DOES NOT have anything to do with femininity or womanhood, which is what feels… suspect.
Anyway now I'm really paranoid he's going to ask to be my lady love or some bullshit. When I was 16 a man (who was the same age me and this current guy both are now, so that's psychically affecting me too) groomed me and was super perverted towards me being GNC and SSA. Total AGP brainrot, like, porn addict, crossdressing, the works. I dunno how much of my discomfort is just residue from that nightmare or if I should really keep an eye on whether or not I'm gonna end up kissing Buffalo Bill. Has anybody been in a place similar that can give me some red flags to keep watch for? Please advice
No. 394358
>>394276have you tried searching the bisexual threads? if not, I'd do that and possibly doublepost there.
imo he does sound like he's going to drink the troon kool aid soon though, if he hasn't already. unless he's an old-school-minded moderate or something. it's up to you if you want to dump hours and hours of energy and labor into trying to save him from retardation while also shielding yourself from getting
terf accusations
No. 394384
>>394352Damn your dad never allowed you to develop a sense of self. Basically discover yourself by yourself in positive ways, i.e., No competition possible. I used to do this by writing fiction in my diary. That way I could only compare myself with myself. It was so small but I was able to branch out over the years into drawing, playing instruments, etc. A suggestion is to view learning a new skill as a way to grow your own intelligence and pushing your own limits to your full potential. That phrasing may sound dramatic or OTT but no one can beat you at your own potential. Their potential is going to be different to yours and they will not have the same goals. A suggestion also is to get off social media that has "likes" and feedback loop tools because that intentionally sets up a competitive atmosphere where people are more dedicated to getting attention compared to someone else and they lose sight of their own selves. Competition works best when it's with the self, that way you win when you learn something new and grow in some way. Take credit for what you have done too. Record it on your phone or a notebook, this will act as an archive of your achievements, which doubles up as encouragement for the future.
Because life can be unpredictable you may revert into believing you can't do it and you were right all along to compare yourself to others, but instead see this as life not always being perfect, or smooth, or fair, and expect the ups and downs as they come, dealing with them so you can get back on track. Rely on yourself to meet the challenges in your life, just because your dad didn't see your strengths and cultivate them like a parent should, doesn't mean you have to agree with him and go along with it. Don't fall into traps of thinking "Poor me, it's not my fault." and "I want to be babied and guided step by step." because thinking like this can become bad habits where you put off change. You are responsible for your own behaviour, and thus must initiate your own change. It may take years but it will be worth it. Respect for yourself will grow as you learn and progress too, and as you learn what it means to respect yourself you automatically develop expectations of how others will respect you. It sounds like your expectations have been eroded or never really built up to begin with. Other ways to develop a sense of self is to acknowledge that rough times can end, and you can take a role in ending them. You are not helpless. When disappointments and rejections happen, remember what was said before that it's a challenge life is throwing at you and that life isn't always fair or smooth, and that you can get through it by staying in touch with your own sense of power over yourself. Being able to acknowledge this changes the way that you react at work, home life, and with yourself, and suddenly disappointments and rejection don't seem so scary and threatening and there's less relapse into comparison. By doing little things, like changing how you react to stressors, doing work around your house of your own volition, pushing forward with a course/project, or taking time to talk with friends, you build your own capabilities and your own sense of self grows. Start off small and go from there because there is a whole life ahead of you Nonna.
No. 394402
>>394384Wow nona thank you so much. It's hard to get out of this
toxic cognitive pattern. I try to accept that I'm going at my own pace of things but the desire to be better than others never fully goes away. I feel I will never measure up to others but I want to change that.
No. 394418
File: 1714357927036.gif (1.82 MB, 220x222, 1000000701.gif)
How often do any of you set phone contact pictures after a first date?
In all honesty, I have 0 set even for family. I just don't even bother, so maybe this is my bias.
I went on a first date today (we met at a lesbian speed dating event the week before). And I'm getting some weird vibes, but maybe it's just my paranoia. Starting off, my date is an avid texted, even during what should be her work hours. (She told me she's a therapist, and while I know it isn't like she would be booked ever hour of every work day, it doesn't really add up to me that she would be able to text me as often as she does. She should be busier.) She also texts back very quickly, like immediately after I may text back, early morning or late evening.
She was a little weird while we planned a second date. Right as our first date ended she asked for my email to send a calendar invite and I (regrettably) gave her it. Any normal person would just send a reminder text. It seems too formal and a little suspicious?
Back to my original question- I haven't had anyone besides long term partners set a contact picture for me. It's also always been after we've been dating for a while and that we would have taken a few pictures and did more activities together.
Her behavior is coming off as super needy and it's raising some red flags. I can believe that sometimes someone may want to do an online bg check if they get someone's email. I don't have much social media, and the only ones I have aren't connected to my main email. I don't mind much. I do think asking for a contact picture is a little much, when we aren't together let alone have had a second date.
No. 394439
>>394418Yeah that sounds a bit weird to me too. I'm not getting "quirky" from it like
>>394420 said but I guess it's possible.
No. 394486
>>394420>>394439>>394470Thank you for the advice and helping me confirm. The behavior is a bit uptight. Seeing her do these small things even before we really know each other is strange.
Maybe she's awkward and needs to be highly organized in this way?
No. 394580
For the past 5 years I've had a really solid friend group, but since last year everyone has seemed more distant than usual. Our hangouts have lessened and several times when I've tried to initiate plans either something comes up or I get a response like "I'll let you know," and then nothing. Not every single time but enough to make me anxious, especially cause I'll still see some of my friends doing stuff with other people on social media. The only change I can pinpoint is that 3 of us who were previously single got into relationships, so now everyone is paired off. But I'm still more than willing to spend time with my friends with or without my boyfriend, plus my boyfriend is good guy and a huge nerd just like my friends, so there shouldn't be any issue there. I know it's probably just a matter of everyone being adults with busy lives, some of my friends have been dealing with health issues, car troubles, etc. but after being a depressed NEET for so long and only developing a normal, happy life within these last 5 years, these friendships are hugely important to me. It's hard to go from happy and confident about my friendships to super anxious that there's some underlying problem I'm not aware of or that my friends don't like me anymore. I'm hesitant to bring it up because if it is just my anxiety I don't want anyone to feel blamed or like I'm making something out of nothing. What should I do?
No. 394736
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>>394735Dummy forgot the pic.
No. 395023
File: 1714623729910.gif (804.51 KB, 500x374, tumblr_mq6gfsD7gr1qjn2h6o1_r1_…)
>I'll start out by saying that I am insecure and a people-pleaser.
With that said..
I got someone a thank you gift Friday, and they never mentioned it again
>(as in thanked me after opening it or even a comment referencing them opening it)
this week. I got other people gifts, and they all thanked me through email or in person. They all seemed pleased and appreciative. So, was my gift that bad? Was what I bought online a dud? Did he throw it away lol?? Oh, I hope not kek. My friend laughed in my face when I told her what I gave him kek. Very discouraging.
I don't want to pursue a relationship with them, it's not my intention. I truly am not in the headspace to date right now. But it hurts because I was excited to express my gratitude. Instead things now seem
>(at least I perceive it to be)
a bit tense and awkward.
I mean in my eyes we both gave off awkward energy when interacting this year
>(frequent uneasy, nervous laughter),
but the kind that was amicable. Now it's just plain uncomfortable. I tried to act a bit more mellow this week so I wouldn't amplify the weirdness. I just didn't want to be the one to bring up the gift because I don't want to seem…idk how I could say this…like I want to advance things in a romantic direction..no not that..maybe like… seem that this "grand" gesture had some (emotional?) importance on my end. Idk maybe I just had this underlying desire to use this opportunity to cross a boundary in hopes of opening up a bit and getting to know each other a bit more.
In summary - Was it inappropriate?
>got a tutor a scientific calculator last Friday I got my older mentors, another tutor, and fellow colleagues gifts too
>wrote a one line thank you note and glued these cute cartoon character stickers on the card since I saw he wore a shirt with them.
>might have sprayed essential oil mist on gift bag–but I did that with the other gifts as well
>wait wait
>new week
>got thanks from everybody else, except the tutor, once I saw everyone one last time this week.
Do you think it's because he already has one or more calculators? They were simple basic models…so I thought I'd get one with a bit more functions idk. I mean say that at least you know? Whatever I won't see the dude again until a few weeks minimum. ty nonnas. I reposted to fix some errors sorry.
No. 395623
how to deal with a father that constantly brings up the worst parts of your personality while never acknowledging the good? and what to do when he's always saying shit like 'youre going to end up alone' 'everyone will leave you if you dont get your shit together' 'how long are you planning on remaining helpless' etc. theres a ring of truth to it in how i do have problems w escapism, running away, and procrastination, but he makes it sound like im always begging for scraps and hand-holding. it doesnt matter to him that i do 3/4ths of the housework between my brother and i. i really really need a salaried job soon but often, between my part time job and chores and wanting to not think about the job searching process im exhausted and frankly scared by, i havent made any progress in a month.
>>395023he might just be awkward and/or forgot about the gift for a bit and thinks he missed the timing to say thank you. personally i'd guess that he would already have a scientific calculator that he just doesnt bring/use in front of you. the calculator + oil misted gift bag combo is kinda odd to me though i can understand your line of logic.
No. 395655
File: 1714928179267.jpg (234.91 KB, 700x515, sealing.jpg)
can I get some tips on powering through even if you're boggled down by health, physical, appearance (I am hideously ugly) and social issues? I have pretty much shut down to the point where normally the only times I feel ok is if I am completely alone and I'd be agoraphobic if I didn't need to go out. the less I'm perceived, the better I feel.
however, a while back I ran into my childhood best friend at the store - we even had sleepovers into our early 20s - who I have grown apart from bc of my recent downward spiral. it was the first time I have felt ok around someone in years. yes, it's been that long since we last hung out! I made her laugh a few times - it might not seem like anything but I really thought I lost my ability to even make a joke - and she hugged me at the end and said how much she missed me. at the time it felt good but it made me feel very conscious and disturbed by the flow of time. I do miss my friend but I want to hide so much. and to clarify I've always been pretty lethargic and brick wall like so that I somehow got even worse is pretty impressive. the event made me feel like I will really revile myself in a few years for not trying to live my life in spite of what and who I am.
No. 395822
>>394580To follow up to this, I recently reached out to my friends after hearing there was some talk about the situation. The gist of my friend's responses is that, now that everyone's in a relationship, everyone seems to be leaning into those relationships. One of our friends has basically gone MIA since he got a gf, which has apparently really upset the guy that I would say is something of a "leader" or the "glue" of the group, and has caused him to lean towards other friendships (And thus his wife, who is the person in the group I'm probably closest to). Wrt to my bf they said they like him they just don't know him too well.
However, one thing that 2 of my friends stated (The wife + another girl friend) is that they prefer spur-of-the-moment get-togethers where they know I like things planned out. The girl friend specifically said "I can say that maybe we are not that close anymore because I feel I've been focusing more on my own well being . . . One thing that I always struggle with our friendship is that to be able to see each other has to be a planned thing." So idk I feel like shit because I feel like my friends are distancing themselves from me because I'm not spontaneous enough. Mind you, I don't want a whole itenerary, I just want like 24 hours notice we're going to do something. Maybe I'm autistic idk I just want to feel energetically ready to socialize. I also live 30 minutes from them whereas they live 5 minutes away from eachother. It seems at this point it's going to be on me to change myself and how I operate in order to maintain these friendships, which maybe that's just part of being friends with people? Idk, any advice on what to do so I don't return to being a friendless loser would be nice.
No. 396327
>>396325Just block and move on. Otherwise you risk an
>ummm who said I was interested in you bitchsince you weren't actively dating from the sounds of it
No. 396331
>>396325You could be an asshole if you want to, but I would personally say something to keep my own mind clear. Based on your post my message would be
>At first this seemed promising but lately our conversations have felt like a chore. I don't think we would be good together, so I'm going to stop dragging this out by chatting to you. I wish you the best. Bye. Then again I have the tisms and am very direct. I have noticed messages like this make me feel better than ghosting someone, even if it doesn't make a big difference.
No. 396375
File: 1715206492570.gif (1.43 MB, 500x661, https%3A%2F%2F68%2Emedia%2Etum…)
>>395655Nonnie can you hang out with that person? I'm just about to muster up courage to message a friend i've been anxiety ghosting. I've found that I genuinely feel so mentally unwell without a friend in my life, friendship brings joy like nothing else. We truly are social animals and I think lack of human contact makes us suffer.