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File: 1714173017486.jpg (119.07 KB, 736x920, cow.jpg)

No. 393926

Previous Thread: >>347288

No. 393927

Embarrassing confession: I've never worn bras before. There is a really prevalent shame culture in my family where my mother felt uncomfortable even educating me about things like bras, periods, etc. She never told me to wear one, just to wear a jacket every time I went out, and I never asked her because I thought it was shameful as well. Well, now I wonder if I should begin to wear them? I dress modestly/religious and wear a jacket everyday. My breasts aren't overly visible and my nipples don't show. However, if I wanted to try wearing a bra where would I start and which kind would be most comfortable?

No. 393931

>>393927
Not really any point in wearing a bra if you've been fine without it so far. Unless you want to change the appearance of your breasts, hold them still during physical activity, hold them up off your ribcage to prevent getting sweaty underboob if they're big/low, or if your nipples are prone to chafing or overly sensitive. What do you want one for? The downsides can include discomfort, tops fitting different, and possibly body acne where the straps touch your skin… probably other things I'm not thinking of too.

No. 393943

>>393931
I guess because it is normal and I feel weird for not wearing one. When I am at home and only wearing T-shirts I feel slightly self conscious because my chest is somewhat visible. I have heard women around me call other women gross for not wearing a bra and I wonder if that is what they think of me too. I was thinking maybe padded tank tops could be a good idea as well.

No. 393945

>>393943
If it bothers you so much, I suggest a shirt with a built-in bra like you mentioned. Way more comfortable than most normal bras. Uniqlo has some great ones, and I think target and other stores do too. Not just tank tops, they also have t-shirts and long sleeve shirts with built-in bras iirc. Still, I don't think it's something you should be insecure about.

No. 393951

File: 1714183698991.jpg (17.84 KB, 400x353, jajshkdahl2flf.jpg)

my current boss (he's the branch supervisor and i'm the branch admin assistant) is the nicest boss I've ever had by far, but it makes me nervous that he's secretly attracted to me or something. He always compares me to his wife in my behavior (but to be fair has introduced me to her via video when he works from home and says she knows about me too) and always wants to chat with me for long periods of time, he massively overshares about all topics all the time and even other people's business and drama, but also sometimes topics of conversation come back to his past "dating strategies" (I don't want to hear about it but he doesn't take my hints and he's my boss and I'm in a very low-level position so I can't be more firm) like "i never had sex right off the bat with a woman, that's crucial, blah blah blah"… but since the oversharing is a broad pattern that makes it harder to pin down bad intentions with those particular tangents. He always likes to tease me and tries to give me lots of life advice, he has daughters who are about 10 years older than me so i try to think of it as "fatherly" but I just don't trust scrotes like that, even though I do like him as a person.

Today he revealed he got me a birthday present for next week, and I'm feeling really uncomfortable about it. IDK what it is, tbh it doesn't matter what it is, I just wish he didn't. He treats me much nicer than any of the other employees (not that he's mean, just to-the-point). To be fair our personalities do mesh very easily just as people, so it makes sense we get along, but ughhhghhuhghh I just hate being "friends" with scrotes, especially older scrotes. I don't want to suddenly change my tune and become less friendly/change how i interact with him, but at the same time I want to reel this in a little bit just because it makes me afraid that one day he's gonna start saying weird things to me or something… I don't think he is, but the fear is always there.
I'm pretty ugly in the face so that makes it less likely, but still. I feel like you never know with scrotes. What should I do, how should I react to the gift next week? how can I put more professional distance between us after almost a year of employment without it being awkward or looking like I'm backtracking?

No. 393967

>>393951
I'd start keeping logs of all his behavior. Even if nothing comes of it, it's better to start keeping a record of all these instances in case you need it. Does he treat everyone else this way? Only treats the women this way? Make a note of that, too. I'm not sure the exact wording to use because I don't know how you two talk to each other, but something like "I don't want you to give me special treatment with gifts" is fine. If he buys everyone birthday gifts then that's just how he is.

No. 393969

>>393967
he doesn't seem to treat other women this way, and I don't think he's in the habit of giving gifts to anyone else. I think it would seriously damage our personal relationship if I told him what you suggest, but I wish I could say it. It's difficult to be in a position where you're so low-ranked you have nothing to stand on other than the good-grace of a boss.

No. 393982

File: 1714200352032.jpg (25.14 KB, 1000x523, quirky-eccentric-anime-girls.j…)

i started working at a small therapy clinic as an assistant a couple months ago. i was originally excited about it, but now im starting to grow bitter and frustrated. as nice as my boss is, i can't help but get irritated every time he points out a mistake i made. like i found it helpful at first, but over time i started to get tired and stressed about it. i understand it's constructive criticism, but i can't seem to figure out why i get so pissy about it. i've had other jobs and dealt with constructive criticism just fine. it's gotten to the point that i'm starting to dread work a bit and outside of it i sometimes start thinking about how i need to do xyz when i get back in. how do i chill out and stop myself from taking things so personally?

No. 394007

>>393951
>>393969
Ugh that's such a tricky situation to be in.. he's not doing anything explicitly wrong but you can feel there's more to his actions than just being a decent boss and the power-imbalance makes it uncomfortable.. I'd frankly consider leaving if you really don't want to damage your personal relationship. Or live with it and sit it out as long as he doesn't cross (more) boundaries and try to limit non-work related conversations.

No. 394055

File: 1714228704901.jpg (42.74 KB, 750x920, 365fut.jpg)

the more i think about it, the more i think i should've spared a gap year and tried getting a higher rank to get Fashion Design instead of Knitwear Design because everything i wanted to study in fashion is involved in Fashion Design. When i was first allotted my current course, i'd thought FD would just be draping and stitching and sketching and a lot of overlap with KD, but it has all that i was interested in, costuming, luxury & couture, and styling. i don't know what to do anymore, do a second bachelor's, do online courses, move on and hope i get FD jobs anyways, what do i do?
and all this because i was so desperate to get into college, what did it get me? nobody even asks if you needed to take a gap year to get into college, i can't even be braggadocious about it.

No. 394056

For British anons, I'm traveling to London soon. I've never traveled outside the USA so I have a lot of anxiety about it. What should I expect when I visit? Any advice for solo travel, and what to avoid?

No. 394057

>>394056
don't talk to strangers

No. 394083

>>394056

Plan out everything in advance (like travel routes, including any walking distance). Expect delays with trains, tube and busses (TfL is a good website for travel disruption updates, though you probably already know that). Avoid travel during peak times unless you absolutely have to. But don't travel too late either.
In central London especially it's very crowded and people will be either moving at a snail's pace or barrelling through so try to adapt (tourists vs working professionals commuting basically). It's very hectic in general. Keep your valuables safe, though that applies to travel everywhere.
Weather wise, expect everything in a single day, though it is generally 5 degrees C or so warmer than surrounding areas, from my experience at least. Wear waterproof shoes.
Like the previous anon said, it's better not to talk to strangers. Especially ones that are yelling trying to get your attention across the road or some shit.
Although I'm not sure how helpful any of this is, I haven't lived there for a little while and I've heard it has changed a lot and not for the better.
Just keep yourself safe and I hope the trip goes well.

No. 394088

>>394056
adapt body language like you live there when you're out and about alone, don't rubberneck a lot or look at a map constantly. this helps prevent you from being targeted as a tourist and approached frequently by scammers and panhandlers. if you are visiting tourist hotspots as part of your trip this isn't very valuable advice since you'll obviously be a tourist but in those cases the professional tour groups/police/staff will generally shield you to protect their tourist dollars. just remember to put on your resting bitch face as soon as you leave those areas since creeps hang out on the fringes.

No. 394103

File: 1714244467880.jpg (90.73 KB, 941x920, 1000020225.jpg)

Why are my parents so mad that I didn't get invited to a wedding?
So like, the girl is part of a family that's been friends of my family for a long time already, and she's a close friend of my brother.
She's younger than us and we used to study at the same school for a while. But I honestly just have always kept everyone at an arm's length because I'm too emotionally and socially tired to do the whole song and dance stuff of talking to random people and I'm sure everyone knows this, I tend to only have one friend because I have issues with texting back and such.
Anyways, I was invited to her brother's wedding a few years ago and I was okay, I didn't wear anything inappropriate and I just didn't feel like dancing because my shoes were killing me, that's it. I also felt self-conscious about how I looked like because I was at my highest weight ever (108 kilos) so I didn't want to take any pictures with people, and I also didn't know who I was even supposed to be taking pictures with during the wedding and such, so I kind of just followed my brother around like a shadow.
Anyways, I honestly don't feel bad about not being invited because i don't feel that amazing nowadays with my body, I lost weight but I still feel like I look disgusting, so going to a party, buying a new dress, buying new shoes and so on sounds like a pain in the ass to me right now.
I think my parents should go with my brother and his girlfriend since she got invited, but they keep saying that they won't go if I wasn't invited? It's kind of silly to me.
And yeah, I don't really like the idea of going even though I wasn't invited either because that's dumb.
Idk, I feel like they have their reasons to not invite me specifically, I'm not the most social person, I also tend to look tacky in pictures, I don't know how to dance and I'm pretty ugly, I also was a mess at school and so on, so idk, it doesn't feel like it isn't that bad to not be invited, I don't mind staying at home and resting.

No. 394105

>>394103

Is that why they didn't invite you, because they felt like you wouldn't have wanted to come anyway and they didn't want to force you into a situation that would put stress on you? I mean, it's still a little weird that they didn't invite you, especially if they invited your family and your brother's significant other, but if you're truly okay with not going and there's no resentment there, maybe just try to explain that to your family? They might just think it's unfair that you didn't get invited and it must mean that the girl has something against you when in reality she probably knows you more than you know her through your brother, and knows you wouldn't feel comfortable going. Or in a more negative light, they are saying that in order to force you to go, which is hopefully not the case. Just try to explain to your family what you said in this post, maybe offer to help with getting a present and write a personal card if it's something you're comfortable doing, you don't have to be particularly close to the person to be happy for them that they're getting married. Probably silly suggestions but idk, maybe it will calm your family and show them that you're happy not to go, and will appreciate some alone time.

No. 394106

>>394103

Just went through your post again and noticed that you went to her brother's wedding a few years ago. I doubt it has something to do with your appearance or how you look in photos, maybe they just noticed that you didn't really seem comfortable being there and didn't want to put you through that again.

No. 394122

>>394103
>feel like they have their reasons to not invite me specifically, I'm not the most social person, I also tend to look tacky in pictures, I don't know how to dance and I'm pretty ugly, I also was a mess at school and so on, so idk, it doesn't feel like it isn't that bad to not be invited, I don't mind staying at home and resting.
I think it's more likely you didn't get invited because you clearly didn't enjoy yourself at that other wedding.
>Why are my parents so mad that I didn't get invited to a wedding?
>I think my parents should go with my brother and his girlfriend since she got invited, but they keep saying that they won't go if I wasn't invited?
They're not mad, they don't want to make you feel left out and hurt your feelings.

No. 394127

I think I’m being stalked. I was at a book store and a guy kept trying to get my attention and complimented me. A few weeks later he walks into the same store as me and tries to get my attention and compliments me again. When I walked home he kept following me with a huge suitcase. I’m a weird autist and no other woman wants to walk with me or help me because of it. I don’t know what to do

No. 394133

>>394127

I'd tell someone irl about it just in case something happens. You could just tell your family but the important thing is that it's someone you know and who can be contacted by law enforcement.

If you really feel unsafe then try to avoid going to that store/ general area for some time, write down what he looks like and when and where exactly he was following you.

I hope this doesn't sound too schizo but you never know with moids especially when you don't reciprocate interest. It could also be nothing serious so don't dwell over this and stay safe nony.

No. 394135

>>394133
You don’t sound schizo at all as I think the same way. It’s why I’m out of my mind scared kek. I alerted everyone I know but sadly I don’t have a real good description of him. I live in a huge city and there’s a bunch of guys that look like him.

No. 394140

>>394135

Still better than no description at all! Also aren't there safety apps now for sharing your location that automatically set off an alarm whenever you take your finger off the screen? You might want to look into that. Maybe also get pepper spray or weapons for self defence (whatever is legal where you live). Hopefully you won't have to use them but going these extra steps will make you feel safer and take your mind off of this.
It's frustrating that this is a problem in the first place.

No. 394229

>>394105
>>394106
>>394133
>>394140
integrate(minimodding)

No. 394276

I'm writing this because I need opinions from women who are smarter and more perceptive than me:
I'm in college and I've fallen for this guy recently. We were crushing on each other in our writing class and have been seeing each other for a little while now. Our dynamic is healthy and being with him is good for me so far. He's a sensitive musician and he makes me happy.
He's also a little, um. Faggy. Which I like. I'm GNC (detransed after 5 years, never medically transitioned), though, and one night we were laid up in bed when he started talking about wanting to be "more feminine".
When I asked what he meant he said some stuff about being more open and fluid and… less all or nothing about showing emotion… Great, but when I explained how that's different from a masculine/feminine type thing, he got upset because I wasn't listening to him.
Which is ok… I'm kind of socially stunted and I have a tendency to steamroll other people in conversations because I get lost in my head. I was talking over him, but I maintain that what he's talking about DOES NOT have anything to do with femininity or womanhood, which is what feels… suspect.
Anyway now I'm really paranoid he's going to ask to be my lady love or some bullshit. When I was 16 a man (who was the same age me and this current guy both are now, so that's psychically affecting me too) groomed me and was super perverted towards me being GNC and SSA. Total AGP brainrot, like, porn addict, crossdressing, the works. I dunno how much of my discomfort is just residue from that nightmare or if I should really keep an eye on whether or not I'm gonna end up kissing Buffalo Bill. Has anybody been in a place similar that can give me some red flags to keep watch for? Please advice

No. 394302

>>394276
why are you in bed with him if you are presumably female and same sex attracted?

No. 394323

How do I find a boyfriend or girlfriend? How do I do that? How do I talk to people I find attractive?

No. 394333

>>394323
walk up to them and with the greasiest voice possible say "hey how ya doin"

No. 394352

How can I stop comparing myself to others? My dad always compared me to other people as a kid so was Pavlov'd into doing the same. I just want to exist in peace.

No. 394358

>>394276
have you tried searching the bisexual threads? if not, I'd do that and possibly doublepost there.
imo he does sound like he's going to drink the troon kool aid soon though, if he hasn't already. unless he's an old-school-minded moderate or something. it's up to you if you want to dump hours and hours of energy and labor into trying to save him from retardation while also shielding yourself from getting terf accusations

No. 394374


No. 394375

I'm going to sound like an alien but how do I crush on people?

No. 394384

>>394352
Damn your dad never allowed you to develop a sense of self. Basically discover yourself by yourself in positive ways, i.e., No competition possible. I used to do this by writing fiction in my diary. That way I could only compare myself with myself. It was so small but I was able to branch out over the years into drawing, playing instruments, etc. A suggestion is to view learning a new skill as a way to grow your own intelligence and pushing your own limits to your full potential. That phrasing may sound dramatic or OTT but no one can beat you at your own potential. Their potential is going to be different to yours and they will not have the same goals. A suggestion also is to get off social media that has "likes" and feedback loop tools because that intentionally sets up a competitive atmosphere where people are more dedicated to getting attention compared to someone else and they lose sight of their own selves. Competition works best when it's with the self, that way you win when you learn something new and grow in some way. Take credit for what you have done too. Record it on your phone or a notebook, this will act as an archive of your achievements, which doubles up as encouragement for the future.

Because life can be unpredictable you may revert into believing you can't do it and you were right all along to compare yourself to others, but instead see this as life not always being perfect, or smooth, or fair, and expect the ups and downs as they come, dealing with them so you can get back on track. Rely on yourself to meet the challenges in your life, just because your dad didn't see your strengths and cultivate them like a parent should, doesn't mean you have to agree with him and go along with it. Don't fall into traps of thinking "Poor me, it's not my fault." and "I want to be babied and guided step by step." because thinking like this can become bad habits where you put off change. You are responsible for your own behaviour, and thus must initiate your own change. It may take years but it will be worth it. Respect for yourself will grow as you learn and progress too, and as you learn what it means to respect yourself you automatically develop expectations of how others will respect you. It sounds like your expectations have been eroded or never really built up to begin with. Other ways to develop a sense of self is to acknowledge that rough times can end, and you can take a role in ending them. You are not helpless. When disappointments and rejections happen, remember what was said before that it's a challenge life is throwing at you and that life isn't always fair or smooth, and that you can get through it by staying in touch with your own sense of power over yourself. Being able to acknowledge this changes the way that you react at work, home life, and with yourself, and suddenly disappointments and rejection don't seem so scary and threatening and there's less relapse into comparison. By doing little things, like changing how you react to stressors, doing work around your house of your own volition, pushing forward with a course/project, or taking time to talk with friends, you build your own capabilities and your own sense of self grows. Start off small and go from there because there is a whole life ahead of you Nonna.

No. 394402

>>394384
Wow nona thank you so much. It's hard to get out of this toxic cognitive pattern. I try to accept that I'm going at my own pace of things but the desire to be better than others never fully goes away. I feel I will never measure up to others but I want to change that.

No. 394411

>>394384
NTA but wow I'm in a similar situation and I really needed to see this. Thank you for this

No. 394418

File: 1714357927036.gif (1.82 MB, 220x222, 1000000701.gif)

How often do any of you set phone contact pictures after a first date?

In all honesty, I have 0 set even for family. I just don't even bother, so maybe this is my bias.

I went on a first date today (we met at a lesbian speed dating event the week before). And I'm getting some weird vibes, but maybe it's just my paranoia. Starting off, my date is an avid texted, even during what should be her work hours. (She told me she's a therapist, and while I know it isn't like she would be booked ever hour of every work day, it doesn't really add up to me that she would be able to text me as often as she does. She should be busier.) She also texts back very quickly, like immediately after I may text back, early morning or late evening.

She was a little weird while we planned a second date. Right as our first date ended she asked for my email to send a calendar invite and I (regrettably) gave her it. Any normal person would just send a reminder text. It seems too formal and a little suspicious?

Back to my original question- I haven't had anyone besides long term partners set a contact picture for me. It's also always been after we've been dating for a while and that we would have taken a few pictures and did more activities together.

Her behavior is coming off as super needy and it's raising some red flags. I can believe that sometimes someone may want to do an online bg check if they get someone's email. I don't have much social media, and the only ones I have aren't connected to my main email. I don't mind much. I do think asking for a contact picture is a little much, when we aren't together let alone have had a second date.

No. 394420

>>394418
she sounds amazing, give her to me. I love organized high powered women who are on top of things and for whom being organized and thorough is second nature and who aren't afraid to ask people for things that are slightly over the line for the sake of keeping their calendars and contacts just-so. kek but seriously she doesn't sound emotionally needy just quirky about her digital organization

No. 394439

>>394418
Yeah that sounds a bit weird to me too. I'm not getting "quirky" from it like >>394420 said but I guess it's possible.

No. 394470

>>394418
She sounds exhausting, dump before it gets serious.

No. 394486

>>394420
>>394439
>>394470

Thank you for the advice and helping me confirm. The behavior is a bit uptight. Seeing her do these small things even before we really know each other is strange.
Maybe she's awkward and needs to be highly organized in this way?

No. 394513

>>394486
Yeah might be. It's hard to say after just one date. I don't think the texting is that weird but the rest sounds a bit intense. I don't think I'd call it a red flag though. I think you could give it a few more dates if you're not too put off by it.

No. 394536

>>394418
As someone who's super disorganized and forgetful she sounds like my dream gf. Send her my way

No. 394580

For the past 5 years I've had a really solid friend group, but since last year everyone has seemed more distant than usual. Our hangouts have lessened and several times when I've tried to initiate plans either something comes up or I get a response like "I'll let you know," and then nothing. Not every single time but enough to make me anxious, especially cause I'll still see some of my friends doing stuff with other people on social media. The only change I can pinpoint is that 3 of us who were previously single got into relationships, so now everyone is paired off. But I'm still more than willing to spend time with my friends with or without my boyfriend, plus my boyfriend is good guy and a huge nerd just like my friends, so there shouldn't be any issue there. I know it's probably just a matter of everyone being adults with busy lives, some of my friends have been dealing with health issues, car troubles, etc. but after being a depressed NEET for so long and only developing a normal, happy life within these last 5 years, these friendships are hugely important to me. It's hard to go from happy and confident about my friendships to super anxious that there's some underlying problem I'm not aware of or that my friends don't like me anymore. I'm hesitant to bring it up because if it is just my anxiety I don't want anyone to feel blamed or like I'm making something out of nothing. What should I do?

No. 394587

>>394580
Host a get-together

No. 394657

>>394580
I don't think there's much you can do other than remaining the leading force in the group who tries to make sure everyone stays in contact and initiates plans/meetups. Maybe settle for meetups without the full group present every time.

No. 394709

i’ve been sheltered my whole life and dealt with worsening mental health issues. im hoping this new medicine will put me back into a good place i was once making progress at. with that said…

where do i start once i see the light from this depressive episode? i have my goals and some ideas, i want to get back into my gym routine, hobbies, and a structured schedule (im a neet for summer but typically do online university) and get a part time job but i feel very behind and unsure where to even begin since this depressive episode threw me back. do i make a list of goals and values again? im in therapy too. i also want a makeover and to change so many things but i know it will take time. just not sure where to begin now that i have the entire summer to myself and i think i may have luck with this new medicine. i also plan to cut the internet again as much as possible but its harder to do that with no structure or routine or knowing what tasks to choose at the moment.

thank you nonnies i hope this makes sense

No. 394735

>>394709
Please read picrel. Your suffering is fixable.

No. 394736

File: 1714495223788.png (46.35 KB, 1265x1688, 2AD61888-B95A-4A1C-82E3-5F7C07…)

>>394735
Dummy forgot the pic.

No. 395023

File: 1714623729910.gif (804.51 KB, 500x374, tumblr_mq6gfsD7gr1qjn2h6o1_r1_…)

>I'll start out by saying that I am insecure and a people-pleaser.

With that said..
I got someone a thank you gift Friday, and they never mentioned it again
>(as in thanked me after opening it or even a comment referencing them opening it)
this week. I got other people gifts, and they all thanked me through email or in person. They all seemed pleased and appreciative. So, was my gift that bad? Was what I bought online a dud? Did he throw it away lol?? Oh, I hope not kek. My friend laughed in my face when I told her what I gave him kek. Very discouraging.

I don't want to pursue a relationship with them, it's not my intention. I truly am not in the headspace to date right now. But it hurts because I was excited to express my gratitude. Instead things now seem
>(at least I perceive it to be)
a bit tense and awkward.

I mean in my eyes we both gave off awkward energy when interacting this year
>(frequent uneasy, nervous laughter),
but the kind that was amicable. Now it's just plain uncomfortable. I tried to act a bit more mellow this week so I wouldn't amplify the weirdness. I just didn't want to be the one to bring up the gift because I don't want to seem…idk how I could say this…like I want to advance things in a romantic direction..no not that..maybe like… seem that this "grand" gesture had some (emotional?) importance on my end. Idk maybe I just had this underlying desire to use this opportunity to cross a boundary in hopes of opening up a bit and getting to know each other a bit more.
In summary - Was it inappropriate?
>got a tutor a scientific calculator last Friday I got my older mentors, another tutor, and fellow colleagues gifts too
>wrote a one line thank you note and glued these cute cartoon character stickers on the card since I saw he wore a shirt with them.
>might have sprayed essential oil mist on gift bag–but I did that with the other gifts as well
>wait wait
>new week
>got thanks from everybody else, except the tutor, once I saw everyone one last time this week.
Do you think it's because he already has one or more calculators? They were simple basic models…so I thought I'd get one with a bit more functions idk. I mean say that at least you know? Whatever I won't see the dude again until a few weeks minimum. ty nonnas. I reposted to fix some errors sorry.

No. 395623

how to deal with a father that constantly brings up the worst parts of your personality while never acknowledging the good? and what to do when he's always saying shit like 'youre going to end up alone' 'everyone will leave you if you dont get your shit together' 'how long are you planning on remaining helpless' etc. theres a ring of truth to it in how i do have problems w escapism, running away, and procrastination, but he makes it sound like im always begging for scraps and hand-holding. it doesnt matter to him that i do 3/4ths of the housework between my brother and i. i really really need a salaried job soon but often, between my part time job and chores and wanting to not think about the job searching process im exhausted and frankly scared by, i havent made any progress in a month.
>>395023
he might just be awkward and/or forgot about the gift for a bit and thinks he missed the timing to say thank you. personally i'd guess that he would already have a scientific calculator that he just doesnt bring/use in front of you. the calculator + oil misted gift bag combo is kinda odd to me though i can understand your line of logic.

No. 395650

>>395623
> gray rock him
> spend more time outside the house
> confront him then cut off contact. Avoid him in the house.
> move out

No. 395655

File: 1714928179267.jpg (234.91 KB, 700x515, sealing.jpg)

can I get some tips on powering through even if you're boggled down by health, physical, appearance (I am hideously ugly) and social issues? I have pretty much shut down to the point where normally the only times I feel ok is if I am completely alone and I'd be agoraphobic if I didn't need to go out. the less I'm perceived, the better I feel.

however, a while back I ran into my childhood best friend at the store - we even had sleepovers into our early 20s - who I have grown apart from bc of my recent downward spiral. it was the first time I have felt ok around someone in years. yes, it's been that long since we last hung out! I made her laugh a few times - it might not seem like anything but I really thought I lost my ability to even make a joke - and she hugged me at the end and said how much she missed me. at the time it felt good but it made me feel very conscious and disturbed by the flow of time. I do miss my friend but I want to hide so much. and to clarify I've always been pretty lethargic and brick wall like so that I somehow got even worse is pretty impressive. the event made me feel like I will really revile myself in a few years for not trying to live my life in spite of what and who I am.

No. 395710

>>395655
>at the time it felt good
chase that positive feeling and do whatever you can to get more of that, and treat the future you're dreading like something you have to run away from at all costs

No. 395779

When meeting new people I've been asked for my Instagram a few times (which I've always declined since I don't have one) but I've only recently been told that most people use it to stay in contact with other people and it being almost empty is not important. I feel like such a retard, how was I supposed to know this, did I miss out on relationships because I don't have an account? Should I still make one even if I know I'll barely touch it?

No. 395797

>>395779
I used to just decline but I made an account and I occasionally post a story on it or make a post when I do something fun. I used to not want to do that because I overthink my social media presence but most normal people don't and they just want to stay in touch. A 1:1 convo can die easily but seeing your posts and responding to them gives people a built-in conversation starter. I regret not doing it earlier

No. 395822

>>394580

To follow up to this, I recently reached out to my friends after hearing there was some talk about the situation. The gist of my friend's responses is that, now that everyone's in a relationship, everyone seems to be leaning into those relationships. One of our friends has basically gone MIA since he got a gf, which has apparently really upset the guy that I would say is something of a "leader" or the "glue" of the group, and has caused him to lean towards other friendships (And thus his wife, who is the person in the group I'm probably closest to). Wrt to my bf they said they like him they just don't know him too well.

However, one thing that 2 of my friends stated (The wife + another girl friend) is that they prefer spur-of-the-moment get-togethers where they know I like things planned out. The girl friend specifically said "I can say that maybe we are not that close anymore because I feel I've been focusing more on my own well being . . . One thing that I always struggle with our friendship is that to be able to see each other has to be a planned thing." So idk I feel like shit because I feel like my friends are distancing themselves from me because I'm not spontaneous enough. Mind you, I don't want a whole itenerary, I just want like 24 hours notice we're going to do something. Maybe I'm autistic idk I just want to feel energetically ready to socialize. I also live 30 minutes from them whereas they live 5 minutes away from eachother. It seems at this point it's going to be on me to change myself and how I operate in order to maintain these friendships, which maybe that's just part of being friends with people? Idk, any advice on what to do so I don't return to being a friendless loser would be nice.

No. 395872

>>395822
Sometimes friendships and lives just grow apart and no longer work.

No. 396325

Nonas how would you tell a guy that you wouldn't want to talk to him anymore? I mean at first I thought we had a great chemistry and we were a bit flirty with each other, but as time goes by I feel like we wouldn't be good together, and I feel like talking to him is a chore now. this is an online friendship so should I just be an asshole and block him without saying anything?

No. 396327

>>396325
Just block and move on. Otherwise you risk an
>ummm who said I was interested in you bitch
since you weren't actively dating from the sounds of it

No. 396330

>>396325
I just say something along the lines of "Hey, we've had some good conversations, but I don't feel that we're very compatible. Take care" and then I delete them. Or you can block too.

No. 396331

>>396325
You could be an asshole if you want to, but I would personally say something to keep my own mind clear. Based on your post my message would be
>At first this seemed promising but lately our conversations have felt like a chore. I don't think we would be good together, so I'm going to stop dragging this out by chatting to you. I wish you the best. Bye.
Then again I have the tisms and am very direct. I have noticed messages like this make me feel better than ghosting someone, even if it doesn't make a big difference.

No. 396361

>>396325
You never owe men on the internet kindness if you want to ghost them. Just do it. I was in a similar situation and I wish I had blocked at the first sign of any red flag. Online friendships/relationships are not worth stressing over.

No. 396375

File: 1715206492570.gif (1.43 MB, 500x661, https%3A%2F%2F68%2Emedia%2Etum…)

>>395655
Nonnie can you hang out with that person? I'm just about to muster up courage to message a friend i've been anxiety ghosting. I've found that I genuinely feel so mentally unwell without a friend in my life, friendship brings joy like nothing else. We truly are social animals and I think lack of human contact makes us suffer.

No. 396395

>>396361
Excellent advice. Ghost more men if anything.

No. 396415

how do I fix my sleep schedule? I’m recently starting a new job I’m gonna have to commute an hour to work, I know it’s the best option I have right now, and I’m having trouble getting up at the time that I need to get up at. I need to be out the door by 6:45 at the latest. Does anybody have any tips of getting up early or fixing their sleep schedule?

No. 396426

>>396415
This might be a weird suggestion, but if your work is a place where you need to bring your own lunch, make it in the morning instead of at night. I have trouble getting out of bed on time unless there is the real threat of having to go hungry and lunchless if I don’t get my ass up and put together my lunch box.

No. 396571

>>396415
Turn off all bright lights, room lights an hour before the bed time you set. Set multiple alarms on multiple devices. Put a glass of water by your bedside to drink first thing in the morning to wake yourself up faster. Stretch out all your limbs when you wake up. Drink 3-4 more cups of water than you usually do before bed and hope you wake up needing to pee somewhere around the time you should get up at kek
Get physically into bed at the time you need to fall asleep for 6.5-8hrs of sleep (however much you need). You'll be bored just lying there but hopefully bored enough that your body decides to sleep for a few hours.
Do this for a few weeks and it'll get easier. Be disciplined about your bedtime anon, it only takes a few bedtime procrastinations before you're running late.
>t. used to sleep at 3-5am and wake at 10am-12pm 6months ago, now naturally wakes up before 7:30

No. 396924

Any advice on being more photogenic? I always look like an autistic TIM on pictures (especially next to women as I'm tall-ish) because I don't know how to pose or smile naturally, I look older and fatter and I smile like a first grade kid for school picture day.

No. 396925

>>396415
Alarm clock set at 5:15 and bedtime set at 22:20 at the latest, better if around 21:30 or 22
You're going to feel groggy for the first week, but then your sleep routing will adjust
No phone and screens after 9 PM in the evening
Minimal breakfast in the morning such as cereal flakes and a glass of milk

No. 396926

>>396415
It's a silly advice but I heard some dude in a video say "treat your sleep time as your most important appointment of the day. Don't be late, and once you're in your bed, nothing has the right to bother you, as if you were in an important appointment"

No. 396928

>>396926
That's right however people's sleep quality is sometimes disrupted by various things even if they're spending 8 full hours in bed

No. 396929

>>396924
Put your phone camera on a timer and pose, practise until you find poses and expressions that look good

No. 397102

How do I stop worrying about how others could harm me when trying to get to know others? I want to meet this one guy but I can’t stop thinking about how he could hurt me if I actually gave him my number or went out with him.Extends to women too because I don’t know if a girl I’m going out with could be in cahoots with a vicious man.Its become mentally taxing.

No. 397161

nonnies I aboslutely love carrots and eat 2-3 large ones a day but my skins turned proper yellow/orange and my family whenever I see them bitch that I look weird and like a simpson lol and that I need to stop eating them. It is quite noticeable on my palms and face/around the mouth. So my dilemma is should I sacrifice my beloved carrots to hopefully de-oompa loompify in a few months and get a normal skin tone, or ignore the desires and opinions of the masses and embrace my orangeness and continue carrot munching. I dont wanna give up my carrots but it is kinda weird being yellow kek

No. 397199

>>397161
cover it up with foundation or self tanner instead? idk.

No. 397214

>>397161
go to one carrot every other day and you'll be fine

No. 397216

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No. 397220

>>397161
This is the only time I want a handpost

No. 397327

Can I use shea butter instead of a regular moisturizer for my face?

No. 397338

>>397161
White carrots don't have carotene in them but idk where youd find them unless you buy seeds. Imo id maybe give another vegetable a try since too much of anything can be damaging

No. 397365

>>397327
Grapeseed oil is a better moisturizer if you have access to it. Shea butter will clog pores.

No. 397403

My country is poor with high living expenses. I have a 1k euro job and live at home, but at this rate I still wont be able to buy an honest home for another 10 years + taking out a loan. What I'm considering now is possibly asking my family from California to live with them and work there for 2 or 3 years on a visa. Do any american anons have advice for me if that would go well for me?

I am not college educated, but I have many years of experience working in hospitality and the hotel industry in my country. Would securing a front desk position at a decent hotel as a foriegner be difficult? I'd be fine with housekeeping too. If my yearly income rounds up to 30k I'd be happy considering to earn that at home it would take me 3 years. I supposedly wouldn't pay rent or food because my family would cover it so I'd be able to save up. I just don't know if my way of thinking is realistic or if I'd end up rotting in their house jobhunting or ending up as a mcdonalds cashier

No. 398913

>>397403
Not american but in the immigration process- it depends on many factors. If your family is making OK money, they could sponsor you and you can work any job you like. I find there's just a lot more job postings (at least here in SoCal) and salaries are higher to somewhat catch up with the cost of life. If you just get a regular work visa/H1B, it'll be at one company only (because they'll be your sponsor) and those are usually reserved for college-educated people or very specific positions lacking US candidates. Getting sponsored by your family (assuming they're not your children and you're over 21) can take many years and you'd be better off trying for the GC lottery, a H1B visa or a J1 (probably worth looking into studying here and working hospitality on the side, even when you don't have a SSN/EAD yet those jobs are very easy to get). In any case you'll definitely make more than 30k a year if you're working full time in CA and you could go home with some savings, especially if they've got a place to stay for you. Not having to pay rent will save you +10-15k a year.

No. 399020

I want to start a youtube channel where I post videos of me just chilling somewhere and talking about my own problems and whatever I'm thinking about.

I won't be showing my face and there's a very low chance anyone I know IRL would find it. I'm not looking to grow it alot either but I'd love to have a few people interact with in the comments or so.

I guess I just want to somewhere to vent to strangers. Is that weird? Should I do it or should I not?

No. 399022

>>397365
Having pores full of shea butter isn’t really a bad thing unless there’s dirt in there too. Shea butter is awesome.

No. 399023

>>399020
I see this pretty often on Instagram, not weird at all imo… as long as it doesn't get too tmi or depressing

No. 399031

>>397403
I’m in the US and when I worked at a hotel we hired a lot of foreigners for housekeeping and a couple for front desk. There were not a lot of foreign applicants for front desk, most of the foreigners applying did not speak English so they went to housekeeping (I know this because I was involved in management for a while). However as long as your English skills are strong and you have the legal paperwork to be employed, your odds of getting a front desk position should be just as good as a native born applicant with similar work experience. If you speak multiple languages that the guests there use that will also increase your odds of getting a job. Hotels have high turnover and the hours/pay can fluctuate but you probably know that… in housekeeping especially they need you every day in the busy season and overwork you and then they call you off or barely schedule you in the slow season which really affects your pay. If you have strong labor laws in your country please be aware they probably don’t exist here. The hours you work are whatever the business says. California is one of the nicer states for labor laws but that doesn’t mean a lot.

No. 399292

File: 1716144218995.jpg (226.64 KB, 984x1200, ba98f000df23b303435d79e1135191…)

I've realized that most times I'm a very warm, caring, friendly person and like very surface level socializing but I hate rejection, specially considering I'm off putting irl and have autistic interests. What now? I think I'm avoidant or disorganized. When I mean I hate rejection, it's very, very deep wounds. I can't open myself tbh.

No. 399465

I see the irony in asking, but how do I get off this site for good? I mostly come for in-between activities like waiting for the bus, between sets at gym, during lunch-breaks etc. but it’s still way to often.
The golden prize would be not needing excess stimulation, but a replacement otherwise would be appreciated. I also spend too much time on here during weekends and any recommended (indoor) hobbies would also be of great assistance.

No. 399491

>>399465
I need an answer to this too

No. 399493

>>399465
Block the website and have an alternative ready (a book or notebook to journal in is probably easiest to take with you)

No. 399508

File: 1716232416343.jpg (14.34 KB, 326x456, GK5JgFqbUAA7ywd.jpg)

(I'll ask here instead of the relationship advice thread since I'm not actually having relationship issues)
When should I disclose I have bipolar to people I'm dating? I don't want to waste anyone else's or my own time in case it's a dealbreaker for them. I've tried googling it and many people say I should be upfront about it very early on since it's a serious disorder, but I don't know. I don't really want to share this with someone I've only met once or twice. What do you nonas think?

No. 399509

>>399508
I'd say when you're discussing about being official/exclusive.

No. 399852

I have currently been employed at a dead-end job that I dread going to every week despite working only the minimum required hours. I've been working on applying to jobs in my desired career, and have not heard back from one but recently had an interview with another. The interview went well, but the location is inconvenient and I do not necessarily feel as inspired or excited at the prospect of working there as I would at the other places. I know there are many other locations I have yet to apply to, but I am hesitant to turn down the inconveniently located position. I feel guilty, especially toward the "clients" I would be turning down who might need help. I also truly loathe my job, but at least it is close by and I do not have to work my butt off. I am simply very conflicted. My friends encourage me to turn down this job and simply keep searching nearby, but I remain apprehensive and would love your advice.

No. 399858

>>399508
I wouldn't tell them early on, there are too many moids who prey on mentally ill women and too many women who would use you for attention, like the parents who film their toddlers crying and put it online. Wait until you see that the person you're dating is normal, and then tell them.

No. 399866

>>399852
Don't feel guilty about the client, think about yourself first. Do you picture yourself going to that location everyday, then home? If it seems like too much trouble, just decline. You don't want to switch jobs now just to be looking for another job in a month or two anyway. Good luck with your job search!

No. 399888

Is an age gap friendship weird? I know it would be weird for a relationship but is it weird for friendships too? I'm 28 and actually married to my Nigel who's 26 now. He started befriending one of his coworkers who's a girl and he invited her to us and we hung out now and had some drinks and fun. However she literally just turned 22 and is quite immature in many aspects (mainly her relationships which are inspired by Lana del Rey). It feels a lot we were being her therapists in a way lowkey. Anyways I wanted to ask if we should proceed hanging out with her more and build a friendship since she feels a bit like a child.

No. 399890

>>399888
Do you like hanging out with her? Then yes. Do you not like hanging out with her? Then no. If you don't like her much or you feel she's draining your energy, keep it cordial but keep your distance.

Don't overcomplicate things.

No. 399898

Any good way to get rid of ants? They are in my bathroom at this time of the year but they are super resilient this time, I've put traps and gel.

No. 399914

File: 1716386471899.jpeg (96.49 KB, 725x1000, IMG_9911.jpeg)

Should I consider changing up my look? I attract exclusively conservative, normie “I love the gym I’m Christian I need a tradwife now that I’ve fucked every girl in the city” types.

I have long blonde (normal reddish blonde not platinum) hair, a round, unassuming face. Not a great beauty by any means. No visible tattoos or piercings and dress feminine but not extremely girly.
This isn’t because I don’t like alternative style, I just don’t think I can rock it because my features really are so ”guileless” - no jaw, round eyes, fat cheeks, etc.

No. 399915

>>399898
Get rid of their source of food and whatever they build their nest in. You might have rotting wood somewhere in your home, they build nests in rotting wood.

No. 399922

>>399915
They are exclusively in the bathroom so there's no food obviously and they are coming from the vents and pipes, I'm not sure if I can access their source.

No. 399923

>>399914
You sound really really cute nonna. My condolences for the type you’re currently attracting because ugh. Also I think there’s a type of alt style that suits every woman (not moids bc they often are so unfixably ugly) so you should maybe experiment with some makeup looks? I have a similar sort of vibe where my features don’t suit the harsh dramatic (need-to-have-cheekbones) looks I favored when I was a teen, but I figured out how to look somewhat edgier while still flattering myself kek. Maybe start with a 90s bad girl type smudged eye look but use a rich reddish brown color palette rather than black (unless you have hazel/brown eyes then I say go for the black!!!) Also if you’re really young you might get some poppin cheekbones in a few years, I’m 27 and mine only started to come out from their baby fat apple blanket this year. Maybe try thrifting some pieces that you’d want to wear but aren’t sure you could pull off and just see! I personally love feminine alternative fashion when it’s done with unique flair esp on a softer-featured woman.

No. 400096

>>399292
Help. Still looking for advice or encouragement, idk where to start.

No. 400097

>>399914
>I have long reddish blonde hair
You sound so fine anon

No. 400102

>>400096
Everyone faces rejection all time, all i can say is that you have to stop associating it with your personal self so harshly, not everyone will or can like you. Because you're "autistic" less people will like you because they like to engage with people similar to themselves.
1) You're good enough nona (unless you're some kind of sped).
2) Try to cultivate and find people that share the same interests as you, it's quasi impossible to build friendships if you have nothing in common. + Internet exist now
3) If you're avoidant, then you need to find people that understand and don't need constant communication. You can't expect someone to put up with being ghosted all the time.

No. 400103

>>400096
Sorry but your post is confusing, you're very warm and caring but you're also off-putting? Regardless if your "deep wouhds" are caused by trauma, that's something you should talk to a psychologist about, tips and tricks from anons aren't going to cut it.

No. 400109

>>400103
I think in my personality I'm warm and caring, and I can make small talk and be interested in people pretty easily. It's the stages after that that are awkward to me, that's what I meant.

No. 400129

>>400096
Your post sounds absurdly similar to how I would describe myself. I still struggle with the same as what you wrote, but I've just accepted that it's very difficult for people like myself to click with others, but I'm not a total anomaly given that this site exists after all. It's just hard to find other people more like me since we're always hiding away and not very social or putting ourselves out there to begin with. As for the people who wouldn't like me, I wouldn't like them very much in the long-term either so I don't dwell on it. There are people that I've talked to that I find very funny and I think they're a cool/interesting person, but I know that we couldn't be friends since I don't think we truly "get" each other, and I have a limited capacity for that sort of thing. I don't necessarily think lesser of someone's personality because of that, I just don't think that a friendship with that person is sustainable. We meet so many people who we will never speak to again in a lifetime anyways. Sometimes things just "are" without any deep meaning or horrible conspiracy against you behind it. Even if it would be nice to be universally liked and extremely charismatic, finding people that you can actually connect with feels more special that way.
Maybe blogging or an online pen pal if you are upfront about your communication style? I have a small group of casual but really kind internet friends from a video game server that I've known for a few years and I'm pretty sure most of them are some flavor of sperg. You can just think of it as a persona more than your 100% true self if it helps. It's way more low stakes than speaking to people on apps with your face attached, for example. Especially if you are in an online group instead of one-on-one chatting. There isn't really an expectation to open up about anything in particular given the nature of the internet, and you can disappear for a little bit and just say you were busy or taking a break if you feel like you need to withdraw. Not everyone is super judgmental. You can slowly open up about more personal things and feel more comfortable with joking around and sharing stuff without the awkward barrier. After a while you don't have to worry about being too embarrassing if you have a decent level of self awareness since people love quirky stories. I think it made my irl social skills way better too. I bet your interests are cool and there will always be someone out there who would love to hear you talk about them. In fact, there's always someone out there who will find them extremely endearing. It's definitely not easy but I don't think it's as catastrophic as our minds can make it out to be

No. 400142

File: 1716454301594.jpeg (92.42 KB, 638x479, 5P8bpDV.jpeg)

Is it safe to give laptops and computers to some electronics shops to clean them? Am i paranoid if i think that some weirdo would try to steal/save personal files from it? I even think that sending a moid to ask them to do it would be safer but i can't do that. I have to clean my laptop keyboard but i broke some keycaps when i took them off, and someone i know has to clean her computer too and i can't help her with that.

No. 400147

>>400109
It almost sounds like no one ever taught you how to be friends. It's as if you learned how to be friendly in a social way and you care about people but you have no knowledge of how an ongoing friendships works. Ideally that is something you would learn as a child/teen through trial and error basically, but if you never did (because of the bad experiences you mentioned) it can be hard to get started since on top of being clueless like a child you are also self-aware like and adult and you're gonna second guess yourself and everyone else and have all the fears of an adult.

The best advice I can give as a regular nona scrolling by is when you find someone you think is friend material and they're reciprocating your friendship (shows an interest in talking with you, wants to make plans to go to third locations with you, remembers stuff about you, whatever) accept that for what it is. Friendship. You don't have to jump straight to bffs who share everything or be worried about rejection and the friendship dissolving, that hasn't even happened that's all theoretical nonsense, just be in the moment. You need to decide in your head "we are friends now". Mentally just be straightforward like a kid on a playground who's making a new friend (not advising you to say it out loud to them though kek). Later on you can find out how close you are, but you're already friends. You can't always be wondering if they're a friend and bringing that negative energy into the friendship or you will self sabotage.

I'm not sure what the "deep wounds" you referred to are, if you shared that someone might have more specific advice. I assume you're referring to attachment styles with "avoidant or disorganized". I think you should avoid reading about attachment styles and psychobabble because you run the risk of really getting in your head about it and convincing yourself you are broken. When you say you hate rejection and it's very deep wounds, what exactly do you mean? Every one hates rejection and more people than not have deep emotional wounds so you might not be as weird as you think.

No. 400150

>>400142
> Am i paranoid if i think that some weirdo would try to steal/save personal files from it?
No. Many stories of techs looking at personal files and sharing them when servicing computers. It definitely happens. Protect you data before you give your computer to anyone.

No. 400155

>>399914
You wouldn't benefit much in changing your style, even alt girls get mostly approached by normie trad type due to the stereotype of alt girls being kinky/easy. In my experience almost every guy is a trad, there's just no way to completely filter them out. Even if your dating profile has "satan worshiper" in the description, a christian moid will message you thinking they'll be different and fix you. Just dress however you feel best, don't dress for moids since there's no point.

No. 400212

>>399914
I mean, it depends. What kind of moid are you hoping to attract by changing your style ? Does your leaning towards alt fashion relate to other interests of yours such as your music taste or hobby ?

Also you don't need to look sharp and dark to wear alternative fashion, I'm not sure where you even got this from ? And if you open Japanese magazines you'll see quite a few round faced girls with blonde or brown hair and not a single piercing or tattoo still rocking darker styles.

No. 400331

I want to get back into a niche sport and contacted a gym about lessons. There's only 1 gym within a 25 mile radius of me. The gym initially invited me, but when I visited for open mat, the staff seemed standoffish and nobody welcomed me or talked to me (super unusual for the sport). I sensed they did not want me to be there. I did fine at the open gym, but need a coach to progress. I reached out again about lessons or private coaching, but after three days, I still haven't received a response. They responded almost immediately the first time. Should I take the hint or call them tomorrow so they're put on the spot about answering me?
didn't meant to put this in the /ot/ thread

No. 400351

>>400331
I would call them and ask, I'm too nosy not to kek
Either they're unprofessional af or they're just stupid and forgot

No. 400416

I noticed something really unsettling, I seem to have been waking up too early - I often have just been getting 4 hours of sleep - and this has been going on for weeks.

and the problem with me is that I find it impossible to get back to sleep, my body is just so uncomfortable/painful, so I just don't go back to sleep or nap. what can I even do about this? my sleep quality was already terrible with 8 hours.

No. 401468

File: 1716883844237.jpg (258.23 KB, 660x894, 1000013822.jpg)

How can I become more forgiving with myself?

Anytime I do something that I perceive as a mistake, it plays in my head over and over while I feel overwhelmed by shame and it also triggers my critical inner voice. It doesn't matter if I am at work or I'm trying to do a hobby, it can happen anytime and it's very difficult to get over. It completely killed my joy in my hobbies and caused me to avoid them and also created tension at my work, where my coworkers constantly feel the need to reassure me. I have been in therapy and we have figured out that it is because I internalized my critical mother's voice and my therapist encouraged that I actively talk back and defend myself against this 'voice', but the problem is, sometimes it just occurs in the form of guilt or shame over not 'being good enough', not in the form of language, if that makes sense.has anyone experienced this?

Also, I feel like there is a part of me that is clinging to a negative self-image regardless of my efforts or the positive reassurance of my environment

No. 401782

I know no one cares about this situation but I don't want to complain about it in real life.
>>400331
So I ended up not calling them back (sorry >>400351, thank you for reading my shit though) because I figured they were clearly just ignoring me. And I left them their first 1 star review explaining the situation (they are a small gym with only 15 reviews on Google):
"When I went to the open gym, the staff was very standoffish. No one greeted me or talked to me, making me feel unwelcome. I reached out to them about coming again, but they never replied, so I suppose I should take the hint. I'm not sure what their issue is."
I thought the reason they didn't want me there was because I'm college aged and usually people age out of this sport in high school. But then I looked at their social media and in the past few days they put up posts on social media about having an open gym specifically for 18+ athletes and even wanting to put together an open team. What the fuck??? Like seriously what is so wrong with me?

No. 401799

What's the point in living if no one wants you? Seriously asking.
The guy I was with for 4 years left me for another girl because I was too boring for him, my friends never text me unless I text them and it's usually just a couple of texts talking about how much they want to see me but it never goes anywhere and we never meet up.
My parents hate me and disowned me pretty much and the only reason they still let me live with them because they feel obligated to do it because of religion. I don't have a job and I can't get one that pays enough for me to move out where I live. Even if I move out one day what's the point? I have no one and I don't think I can find anyone, I tried to make friends and talk to people but they never stay.
I like the loneliness sometimes but I don't think I can live my whole life like this. It's starting to feel like it's really not worth it and if I'm going to die all alone anyways might as well end the suffering now.

No. 401804

File: 1717012617998.jpeg (299.17 KB, 828x950, IMG_6570.jpeg)

How do you get over men being weird towards you? I try to be friendly and helpful in general, but some men take that too far, and have said or done things that bother me even after a long while since it’s happened. Like some guys have randomly detailed their suicidal ideation, have touched me intimately after I outlined my personal bubble, or they expected me to care about them when there’s obvious restraints on the context of our interactions (like we have to be professional). Even when I just tolerate a few basic conversations or politely say hi a few times, guys will cold approach me over and over as if that’s development of actual friendship. It’s especially difficult when I see those same men act normal with other people. It makes me wonder if there’s something wrong with me, like I have to change my demeanor if clothing doesn’t make a difference. I already know I should seem less available and more cold right off the bat, but how do you rationalize their weird behavior when you keep asking ”why me”? How do you get over the frustration and confusion of wanting people to be decent and normal, but they aren’t towards you for some reason?

No. 401805

>>401804
men are going to act like that when they find someone attractive. it's just the way it is

No. 401940

So I live in a council flat that is actually unbelievably beautiful and next to the beach and in a safe area. Neighbours are mentally ill imports from unsafe areas but I ignored it and got on with my own life with the help of noise cancelling headphones. I was starting to settle in

Yesterday night a drug gang busted in the building, set off the deafening fire alarm, and kicked my door in to threaten me with a knife at arms length asking for the drugs. Upon seeing my panda plushie I guess they figured out I was the wrong person and ran away but criminal 2 had to persuade the knifeman to leave me alone. I spent the night giving a witness statement and had to stay with my support worker who houses vulnerable people so has a spare room. Police said the gang was after next door but got mixed up. I'm an autistic NEET and this is nothing like I have ever experienced. She can't keep me and housing said they can move me into another flat… right next to this building. The officer said three blocks are terrible for crime and to stay away from them by all means but I can't remember if this was one of them. Either way it is directly next door. I'm going round tomorrow to check it out but nonnas, please help, I know it's almost too complicated to give advice for but I am isolated and need another opinion from someone unbiased. Should I even consider accepting the flat or absolutely nope the fuck out? I was a pro at avoiding the neighbours but they all know me now and gossip spreads. One sort of clung onto me when I escaped and was inviting me up into her flat without mentioning her deranged boyfriend was in. The other was acting like the police only cared about me (nobody else had their door kicked in or was nearly stabbed). I'm honestly concerned about witness intimidation and I feel like I've been pulled into madness but I don't want to find myself in a worse situation. Ideally I wouldn't be in a council flat at all because of the crowd they attract but I don't know where to start

No. 401942

>>401804
You bitch them out directly. Loudly call out their bad behavior when it happens (shame them, basically). When someone touches you and you didn't want to be touched, make a big deal out of it. Being "cold" doesn't mean anything to them. They're like dogs. They need a direct, loud, clear, prompt indication that what they did was wrong or they never learn.

No. 401943

>>401940
nope the fuck out. you'll never sleep peacefully again if you stay. get as far away as you can asap.

No. 401945

>>401940
If it's next door, it's likely still crime ridden. You can do a tour of the place and the smell will tell you if the officer was talking about that building as well. I'd just suggest finding another neighborhood to move to if you can.

No. 401950

>>401940
I'm really sorry this has happened to you. That must have been terrifying. I don't know your whole situation of course, but find whatever safe way you can to get yourself out. I don't like the sound of relocating next door. Take advantage of whatever programs you can, and don't be afraid to ask for clarification on things you're not sure of. Best of luck to you, I hope you find somewhere safe.

No. 401964

Would you recommend syncing your menstrual cycle with your gf? I kinda have this opportunity because I want to quit birth control (for unrelated reasons).

No. 401977

File: 1717086891158.jpg (59.02 KB, 750x793, 176278280_290027095926885_4734…)

Nonnas, I'm sick of looking like some weird, ugly, genderless child. Women my own age are either patronising or rude to me because of it, and men are creepy or see me as some guileless innocent who needs to be broken (disgusting).

Pretty sure I'm ASPD and I never got the chance to develop my style as a teen, so I just wear whatever I feel like, and barely know what to do with my face/makeup and hair. I can look hot and feminine to the point where I'll see 'dressed up' pics of me as a different person entirely, but I can't be bothered doing that all the time. The idea of appealing to other peoples' idea of womanhood and femininity and potentially opening myself up to abuse and harassment from men disgusts me. I feel like I'm never going to live up to this cringe idea of what a woman does and looks like, so why bother? But then I just get treated like shit, so it doesn't help.

I hate attracting attention and the few times guys have noticed me have made me feel so scared and sick that I avoided dressing up for a month afterwards. I want to look more professional and womanly, but every time I do people assume I'm a little girl and creep on me. I'm not even short (5'7) and I have a slim hourglass figure (though a bit less defined than I'd like). I want to have a normal life, attract cool female friends and not risk damaging my career by being seen as ugly and incompetent. I hate that I feel this pressure to go above and beyond with my looks just to be seen as a normal human woman, especially when life itself is stressful enough and I have minimal money to work with.

No. 401980

>>401977
>ASPD
Antisocial Personality Disorder? You're manipulative and have no consideration for others? I'm not sure you have the right acronym.
I think you're thinking about it way too hard. You don't have to glam it up if you don't enjoy that. You don't have to dress down to avoid attention. Dress however you want in your free time and dress how you need to for your career and that's it. If you walk around being this insecure it's bound to attract bad men and women to you. You are 5'7" I promise you don't look like a child.

No. 402007

>>401980
I think she meant to say ASD

No. 402009

>>401977
>I never got the chance to develop my style
Can I just say that this is a massively overrated "goal" to aspire to. I personally wasted idk how much money constantly trying to "find myself" through clothing and makeup, only to realize that in the real world as long as whatever you're wearing is clean and appropriate then no one cares about your "style". I practically only wear the most basic stuff now and I've stopped buying more clothing because the upkeep of chasing some arbitrary aesthetic is so tiresome.

No. 402011

>>401977
>so I just wear whatever I feel like, and barely know what to do with my face/makeup and hair.
That's most women, no offense but it sounds like the majority of your world view and views of women is based on social media.

No. 402020

I don’t know if this is the right place for this but does anyone have any advice about what to do with ibs? it’s destroying my life. i’m thinking of going on a keto diet and basically only eating fruit/vegetables but then i remember all my favorite fruits contain fructose so i’ll be stuck eating carrots. i have seen a doctor and think it may be a h pylori issue but they’re still investigating. i cannot go out without my stomach making noises. has anyone dealt with this before?

No. 402029

>>402020
Get tested for parasites, Crohn's and other causes to eliminate those. It's just a few stool sample tests for everything. If your poo is in the clear check your diet and try yoghurt and/or bifidobacterium probiotics. IBS-like symptoms can be caused by many things so you get the diagnosis by eliminating everything else.
What they usually have in common is a change in your gut flora. Some people have parasites or bacteria that are generally harmless but overpopulation of one kind over another causes bad symptoms, which you can manage with your diet and lifestyle. Try a low FODMAP diet instead of keto, and obviously listen to your Dr over an internet randomer but I hope I helped at least a little.

No. 402062

>>402009
anon here, you're probably right but I'd feel more confident if I dressed better. also my toxic-ass workplace is full of women who are obsessed with their looks (and men who have dodgy views on women) which probably doesn't help

No. 402070

File: 1717109044750.jpg (25.23 KB, 500x500, 1_kN7fojOXRA4rBDQX9nAZIw.jpg)

I am so sorry for sounding like a brat but I need someone to humble me.
Basically I am only 22 and already so burnt out with life. In a couple of months I will graduate university and for the three years of my degree I had to work part-time to support myself which meant I had almost no time for things that weren't work or uni. Then right before uni, in highschool, i studied every single day and did as much extra curricular as I could in order to get a scholarship for uni (which I did) which meant I had almost no time to just be a teen and go out with my friends. Next week I submit my very final assessment and the exact next day is my first day of work at my graduate job. I should be happy because I got literally everything I ever wanted, cried and prayed for (and I really really am) but I am so burnt out from exhaustion that I am at any point going to scream at the top of my lungs. I can barely bring myself to finish the last 2 assignments I will ever have because of the thought of having to start work literally the next day. I'm so so so grateful for everything that I have but I'm so so so fucking tired and I just need a break. Worst thing is I absolutely cannot talk about these feelings to anyone in my circle, as they are either struggling to find work or are quitting uni so i look like a dickhead for complaining that I'm graduating from a uni that a got a scholarship for and going straight into a reliable job. I know I sound like an absolute brat I just really need a break :((no emoticons)

No. 402071

>>402070
you can take a vacation and buy things with your money you earn. a job is better than school, you'll see. I totally understand why you're panicking but you're gonna be okay.

No. 402072

>>401977
If you're looking for advice in terms of developing your style, maybe try finding out the things that suit your body type, face shape or what your colour season is. You don't have to doll up for every single day, there are plenty of ways to appear feminine and casual at the same time. It also has a lot to do with how you carry yourself. Obviously you can't control how people interact with you but you can change how you respond/think about them. It is easier to change outward appearance than it is to change yourself, so do some self-reflection and be honest and critical of yourself - what needs to change. Critique is not meant to make you feel bad but it's a chance to work on things that need to be worked on.
Finally if you wish to attract "cool female friends" I'm afraid you might have to take interest into the things they care and take the first step, if you click you click. If you want to do this in terms of looks, just don't dress too provocatively. Even the girl's girls don't like BECAUSE it attracts men's attention (therefore their potential s/o as well, therefore you do not appear trustworthy)

No. 402074

>>402070
Nonna you don’t sound like a brat at all, you sound like a hardworking woman who’s severely overexhausted and needs time off

No. 402075

>>401940
Nona that sounds awful I'm sorry. Please nope the fuck out. You can phone citizen's advice (or some kind of equivalent based on where you're from?) they might be able to connect you with all of the support you may need, especially with your disability. Please seek some kind of mental health assitance as well so you can process and get through this situation. Do you have anyone at all that you can be with, just so you don't feel alone at night? Hope everything goes well for you nona wishing you the best <3

No. 402096

>>402071
This. Don't know why zoomers who graduate from uni and have to work full-time like an adult think they're life is now over. I've been able to enjoy my life instead of being constantly stressed now that I had a stable full time job.

No. 402213

>>402096
I am so glad I finished uni, that thing was such a huge stressor in my life.
My mom told me she still has dreams of upcoming exams lol

No. 402280

I want to end a friendship with my BFF but I don't know how to go about it. She did nothing wrong to me but I changed so much within the last year and I can't see myself being friends with her anymore. Mainly because who I am now is someone she would hate, mostly because of religion, and it feels terrible hanging out because I can't really be myself around her anymore. I'd feel so bad about it though because she cares about friendships alot and I've been with her when she lost old friends and she does not take it well at all. I don't want to hurt her she's still a good person.
I'm scared because even just distancing myself would make her freak out. She has another really close friend so I wouldn't be leaving her lonely but still. I don't know what I should do

No. 402291

My entire goal growing up was to escape my family. I finally did that, but I feel bereft because now that I've accomplished that….it's like I have no goals. I take community college classes for fun, I read books, I journal, I play video games, and I work at my fiance's family business. I've put a lot of work into becoming emotionally stable, but I still feel like I don't have a stable sense of self. I'm not proud of anything I've accomplished and I feel terrible that when I went to college, I didn't focus on a career, but instead I focused on just graduating so I could get out from my parents' thumb sooner. I've worked since I was 18, and I guess I just wish I had some other long reaching goal to sustain me. I know some of what I don't want. Whenever I see other kids who are well off, I'm admittedly a little jealous when I see they have nice parents because it's like they get to focus on what they'll have as an adult instead of just escaping.

How do I cultivate a sense of self? How do I take pride in my hobbies? I pretty much am very secretive in anything I do. If I paint or draw, I dislike showing anyone my art. I dislike showing anyone my drawings. I dislike exposing any part of me because the truth is, it's unremarkable and it's nothing special. I feel ashamed and guilty of myself because I feel like I should be living life better than I do.

No. 402298

File: 1717195147340.jpg (21.39 KB, 473x413, cea8b4e1ce31f03c5664ac942e9418…)

>>393926
Nonnas sorry for the super general question but how do I improve my life? I've been in a rut for the past two years and looking to be the best version of myself starting this summer. How do I stick with a routine? How do I deal with my mental health and have healthy coping mechanisms? How do I practice self love? How do I get meaningful hobbies? How do I meet people and put myself out there? I just have no clue how to approach these things.

Would love to hear what nonnas have done in the past when they were in a similar position and how they improved their life for the better.

No. 402302

>>402291
you need more time. you should look into things about living in the moment. you're still very worried about your baggage. you are a good and valuable person as worthy of love and happiness as anyone else but you don't feel that yet. you'll get there.

No. 402309

>>402298
You start very small. Pick one thing to improve on at a time, work on it, when you can consistently manage that for a couple months then pick another thing to work on. Doing too much too soon is going to end badly and then you're going to give up, go slow.
Meeting people isn't as scary or hard as it sounds but you do want to work on your self esteem first or you'll psych yourself out of being sociable.
I don't know what you mean by 'meaningful hobbies' but from your post I assume your only current hobby is doomscrolling. You start by doing something that's offline and ideally doesn't involve a screen. Read a book, it doesn't have to be War and Peace, there's nothing wrong with reading trashy YA if that's all that you can get through. Plant herbs in windowsill pots. Buy some cheap air dry clay and have fun making sculptures, they don't have to be perfect or even good. Start an exercise routine that's five minutes long and aimed at immobile geriatrics but still leaves you out of breath. Just do something that's free or very cheap, easily accessible, and ideally that you can start immediately. You might go through a bunch of hobbies before you find something you're actually interested in.
Mental health, self love and coping mechanisms go hand in hand. Learn to recognize when you're backsliding and why. Keep a list of your known stressors nearby - including things like hunger, thirst and tiredness - and go through it when your mental health is worsening, you might be able to fix it before it gets too bad. You haven't managed to punish yourself into being a better person, so forgive yourself for your past mistakes and learn from them. Self love is cleaning your house because you deserve to live in a clean space, or forcing yourself to go outside because you deserve to see the sun. Journaling can help. Write down three things that made you happy, three things you're grateful for, and three things you like about yourself every day. You don't need to be sugary and fake, but make an effort to be genuine. The point of this is to help you notice the good things as well as the bad, and to find things you like about yourself without needing external approval from people who could do more harm than good. Healthy coping mechanisms have to replace any shitty coping mechanisms you already have. If you're stuck in a depressive spiral, for example, and your go-to coping mechanism is drinking, get rid of all the booze in the house and uninstall any apps that let you order it. Make a list of other things you can do to fill your time and work through it. In this example the goal isn't to pull you out of depression through the power of positive thinking, it's to stop yourself from drinking in misery.

No. 402322

How do I make friends in my late 20s? I don't enjoy my old hobbies anymore so I feel lost on where to start.

No. 402382

>>402309
This. I've been doing the same recently from a similar position, and what helped me was first making a short list of the things I wanted to improve. For me that was fitness, reading, art and my personal style. Think about why you want these things and try to make your goals numbers/data-based, makes it easier to track.

Once you have that list, try and think of something simple you could do to get started. For example, if you want to be able to run faster this year, you could start going for a jog once a week, and build up from there. Tracking your progress really helps in those early stages to build a routine, and keeps you motivated!

No. 402403

>>402298
Start excersising, it has a great snowball effect. It lowers your anxiety/depressive feelings/mental health issues because you literally have less energy to spend on worrying/feeling like shit, it makes you feel better physically and it gets you a first taste at a meaningfull hobby.

No. 402417

(Reposted from /ot/ just wondering if there's anything else I could do) Pieces of my teeth keep falling out every few weeks/months and one tooth is like 95% gone now, now there's another that's also heading that way. I don't have time to see a dentist currently and most places won't accept my insurance anyway.

Idk what else to do, I already use strong toothpaste that's meant to prevent this sort of thing and have been taking vitamins that are supposed to support bone health for 2 months but it seems like it's not doing anything. My body's acting immune to any sort of treatment. I don't drink alcohol nor smoke either.

No. 402432

>>402417
Nona this is nightmare fuel, my god. Go to a dentist. Put it on a credit card, it's worth it I promise. Even america has sliding scale dental services at some community health clinics (if you're a burger I'll try to look some up in your state).
Vitamins will not do anything in two months, it takes a lot longer to see the benefits. That's more for preventing problems anyway, you're not gonna reverse this damage with vitamins. Definitely you should check for vitamin deficiencies (I'd get bloodwork done if I was you) to prevent further damage in case that's the problem but vitamins won't bring your tooth back.
What toothpaste are you using? How old are you? Are these your adult teeth?

No. 402435

File: 1717257465415.webp (14.4 KB, 400x400, GUEST_ee76cb7e-05d3-4f88-8540-…)

>>402432
I alternate between this version of Crest toothpaste and Sensodyne. I'm 28 and yes they're adult teeth. Weird thing is this only just started happening like a year ago, but before then the only problem I had was cavities.

No. 402436

>>402417
do you eat enough vitamin C? could be scurvy

No. 402438

>>402436
I drink orange juice twice a week if that counts..

No. 402441

>>402435
You had cavities and you ignored them… no. Don't do that. The decay spreads. It will only keep getting worse. Brushing can slow it down but isn't enough to halt further decay in most cases. Letting one cavity fester can cause it to spread to other teeth. You need to get your cavities filled to prevent further decay and you're probably gonna need a whole tooth pulled at this point. Go to a dentist. Do you have a dentist phobia? This is only going to get worse and more expensive the longer you wait and it could lead to serious related health complications.

No. 402444

>>402417
>>402435
Why aren't you panicking? Go to the dentist NOW you can die from tooth abscesses (which you will get if you ignore it) It's going to become extremely painful and more expensive the longer you wait

No. 402455

>>402417
Do you grind your teeth? I know it might be a dumb ask but that’s how I found out I was grinding mine, I started chipping big pieces. A night guard might be the answer if it’s not an internal problem. The other nonna is right tho, get yourself to a dentist and put it on credit if you have to; this sounds awful.

No. 402461

>>402455
(nta) that's a good point it could be something physical accelerating it this fast even if she had some cavities. usually a cavity wouldn't take out a whole tooth by 28 but who knows, she needs a dentist to tell her. I hope she doesn't feel too ashamed to go to the dentist or something. It sounds like it only got bad in the last year and she's really young so it's gotta be early stages, not too late to stop it at all. it's not like she's toothless.

No. 402466

>>402417
It’s because of all of the sugar you shovel into your mouth. Put down the fork and start a diet.(infight bait)

No. 402471

>>402417
Go to a dentist or at least call a telehealth line, which are free and will also tell you to go to a dentist. I know it's scary but no one else will do it for you.
>>402466
Insane response to someone whose teeth are falling out of her mouth. You're mad about your assumptions about her weight?

No. 402479

>>402466
I reported you for being a bonerattling faggot but maybe you got banned for another post and the red text isn't coming. absolutely retarded reply.

No. 402514

>>402417
Christ I used to have nightmares about this and it turned out it was because of >>402455 . I now wear a night guard and haven't had them since.

No. 403098

>>402417
Anon, you're 100% grinding your teeth in your sleep. I have also broken pieces of my teeth and literally all of my molars have cravks on them. If you cannot afford to go to a dentist and have a custom fitted night guard made, you can buy generic ones online, such as these:
https://www.amazon.com/night-guard/s?k=night+guard

But anon, I urge you to do it quickly before it gets worse

No. 403300

I've had an unprofessional experience with a gym that didn't respond to my messages and missed their own open mat session. They apologized via email and offered me a class usually meant for teenagers. I feel they're just trying to avoid a bad review. It probably wouldn't be awkward as I'm an appropriate/clean person but this arrangement is usually never allowed in the sport. I'm basically just paranoid about coming off as creepy even though they might not even know I'm in my 20s. It's the only gym offering these classes in the area.
Should I take the class?

No. 403388

>>403300
even if you aren't a creep and keep to yourself the teenagers might still feel weird taking a class with an adult, especially if it's an unusual arrangement.

No. 403595

I want to join the gym to tone up my glutes, I know I'm not going to just create a big juicy ass and I'm fine with that I just want to make it perkier and rounder after a lot of weight loss. The thing is, I don't eat a lot at the moment due to nausea from medications for migraines. Will I be able to achieve my goals if I'm only eating like 1200kcal a day? or is it just wasted energy

No. 403607

>>403595
No, You need to eat a lot more

No. 403612

>>403595
you will get stronger by training your muscles but you might not get the visual results you would get with more food.

No. 403745

The only way I can make my hair look good is by blow drying it (which is not ideal in the long run), otherwise when I let it dry naturally I either untangle it while it's still wet but my hair looks flat and I look super nerdy, or I try untangle it after it's dried but it looks super messy. Do you have any advice on how to fix this? My hair type is a boring 1b if that matters.

No. 403766

>>403745
Brush and detangle it right before you shower, shampoo it don't condition, gently towel dry so it's not dripping went. Massage about 4 drops of rosemary oil into your scalp and a put a little oil on the ends too (not a lot, just whatever is left on your fingers or maybe one extra drop); hang your head upside-down when you start massaging, but you don't have to stay upside down the whole time if you don't want to, whatever's comfortable. Flip it back away from your face and then leave it alone. Let it air dry until it's completely dry. Don't over-manipulate it, let it lay more or less however it wants. Do not brush or comb it while it's wet or even damp. You could even just go to sleep on it if you shower at night.

No. 403811

File: 1717634728480.jpg (204.37 KB, 1000x618, 1000_F_115907657_iBYzGm9qeDVqN…)

I won't get into the details of it but my fucking soundcloud rapper failure of a brother just threatened to ruin my life and start making it difficult for me to live here, with conviction, after I took back the laptop I GAVE HIM because he disrespected me for telling him to keep quiet making his garbage music.

He made several threats to me, told me "this is war" (actual zoomer cartoon villain retard shit) and doubled down on it thrice. Called me a bitch, told me to "have fun sleeping tonight".

I actually feel unsafe. He's not a kid, he's a fucking 20 year old man. I didn't know he could be such a vile piece of shit but here we are. After this argument he is genuinely dead to me. I gave the laptop back and he still continued promising me he's gonna fuck up my life and I genuinely don't know what that entails or how far he's gonna go.


I have no one in my corner. I live with my abusive father, who he obviously took after, and he's definitely not gonna stand up for me. I'm the only woman in the house so I'm gigafucked, and I work every day so I'm gonna be away from home, while this jobless ape will have full reign of the house. I can't lock the door to my room because it's a sliding one and I'm actually scared he's gonna go inside while I'm gone and start either stealing from me or breaking my valuables. I can't sleep now, I genuinely don't think it was a bluff in anger he really is that spiteful. I'm scared for my safety and of what he's gonna do. Nonnas please help, please send some kind of advice some way I'm in a situation I never thought I'd find myself in. I thought he was a good person but that was too much to expect from a male

No. 403813

>>403811
God damn, what a fucking retard loser. I don’t valuable advice for you but I would recommend taking your MOST valuable things with you to work. Laptop, keys, cash etc.

No. 403816

>>403813
Bringing valuables to work is a great idea, and some banks might have safety deposit boxes you can rent use of if you bank with them, I don't know how much they might be in your area but I've experienced 15$ a month?

I've also slept with a chair propped under my bedroom door handle when I've stayed in a place with broken locks. I think for a sliding door that may be tricky if there is no door handle. Best wishes for you nonna

No. 403817

File: 1717635960391.jpeg (398.34 KB, 548x1130, 10C0E927-154D-4C83-9E7D-49BB9A…)

>>403816
Would it be a good idea to buy a (better quality) version of this thing? It’s a sliding door lock from Amazon, they have pretty speedy delivery too

No. 403819

>>403816
I didn't know about safety deposit boxes. Thank you, those could really come in handy since I own a couple anime figurines I paid big bucks for that are VERY fragile. They're what I'm most scared for while I'm away. I don't know if he'd stoop that low but I didn't think he'd stoop low enough to threaten me like this either so there goes that. I'm just shaken because you really can't trust a male no matter how much you know him. All it takes is pissing them off one time apparently.All this because I did a favor for him and expected the bare minimum, of respecting my sleeping hours, back, but what would a jobless irresponsible NEET fuck know about something like that.

No. 403821

>>403817
I appreciate your recommendation for this door locker anon. Thankfully I can lock it pretty reliably with my chair while I'm actually in my room and asleep, and I stir pretty easily too. I'm more worried about locking it while I'm away and I'm not sure if there's anything I can really do about that, unfortunately. I've considered at the very least pulling some light yagami level bullshit of putting a line of tape between my door and its frame each time I leave so at the very least if it has been unstuck or disturbed I'll know that someone has opened it while I was away.

No. 403864

>>403811
Call the police?

No. 403894

>>403811
If you feel personally unsafe, can you stay over at someone's house? A friend or a relative you trust? Also hide anything like journals or photos, check if he had access to any of your passwords too. I had an ex that got into one of my social media accounts by changing my password because he knew the answer to my security question.

No. 403900

hey nonas how do i dress myself up to look more mature? im in my mid twenties and i still look like a highschooler according to my neighbor. what kind of clothes should i consider wearing? should i lose my bangs and stop wearing glasses? ive been wearing more body hugging clothes but i realize i just blend in with the tiktokers and its very uncomfortable for me. help please i cant be single for another half a year

No. 403904

>>403900
invest in high quality tailored clothes, learn to accessorise and blow out your hair

No. 403908

>>403766
Thank you, I'll try this trick.

No. 403919

>>403900
if your neighbor is a man disregard his words and make sure your curtains are not sheer. kek kidding but always good to question who it is and why they might have said what they did about your looks because people are often not direct and they mean something else or use euphemisms or are bad at complimenting and say something they think is flattering but isn't.
Usually wearing a midi dress in a solid color or a business casual outfit will keep people from telling you that you look like a highschooler. Avoid things with graphics or logos. Going for more body-hugging clothes is a common mistake but I'm sorry to tell you that does not make you look older (although it might be more titillating).
Also, if you want to wear comfortable clothes at home and that makes your neighbor think you look like a highschooler that's not your problem. Confidence in yourself is a sign of maturity, don't be shamed into a new wardrobe.

No. 403935

>>403919
thank you nona. i appreciate this. ive been wearing button ups and jeans and going out more with make up. ive been getting more midi dresses these days from uniqlo.
>>403904
will do! im starting to ditch silver jewelry and been getting into more gold and pearl accessories. and ill learn how to blow out my hair soon. my hair is extremely pin straight and thick so trying to style is takes hours

No. 403942

>>403935
I found that when I started wearing gold jewellery I started looking so much more expensive. Maybe try heatless overnight curls to give your hair some body but with a bit less effort. stay stunning nona

No. 403948

>>403935
I love the blouse and jeans combination! It works so well for maturity. I definitely think it's how you carry yourself too. Not appearing rushed or trying to prove yourself, posture, owning your space, trusting yourself, hygiene, having a fragrance, these things work. Blazers, cardigans, blouses, can all be added to a casual outfit.
>t. anon starting adulthood trying to work with a chipmunk ass face

No. 403974

I am low contact with my family. I visit maybe a few times in a year max.

I've been with my partner for 5 years. He's only visited my family perhaps 3x max. My family is constantly asking for me to bring him along. They pressure me anytime I visit without him. He does suffer from pretty severe migraines so that's the excuse I use. The truth is, I don't want my family roped in with my partner. I feel much more comfortable keeping them separate. My parents basically invaded in my personal life all of growing up (I couldn't keep a diary because my mother would actively go through all of my stuff at periodic intervals, I had to hide my drawings in the pages of books around the house because they didn't like my drawings, I wasn't allowed to express myself in any way that did not involve Christianity, etc.) and I don't want them involved with my partner as much as possible. I was open with introducing my exes to them and I never liked the experience. It would always get weird because my parents would want to talk to my partners one on one about me and it gave me icky vibes. As it stands, when I visit alone, I always get asked when we'll be married, have kids, etc. and I do not appreciate those types of questions. In general, I want my life separate from my parents.

I made the mistake of visiting them in April after not visiting since Christmas and then I visited 2 weeks later. I then visited mid-May and I brought my partner. They hadn't seen him in 2 years so it a "big deal" in that my whole father's extended family talked to him and so did my parents, etc. I've seen them 3x this year in total. Well, they're asking me to go to a baby shower for my nephew and I don't want to go. I will be getting a gift and sending it. I'm afraid I messed up by seeing them 3x this year already because I don't want to see them again until Thanksgiving (I promised them I'd bring myself and my partner to Thanksgiving).

I wish there was a way to tell them to leave me alone without being rude. I'm very afraid I'll keep on getting pressured to come, and to come with my partner. They don't know how I feel at all about growing up (any time I vaguely would bring up something, they'd shut it down) and they think my partner doesn't want to come which is why I don't go (I don't know why they think this, my partner actually finds my family very interesting to talk to and enjoys the visits, it's really just that I dislike being confronted with my past whenever I visit my parents).

It's painful to go back because I'm taken out of the life I built up for myself and it takes me weeks to "forget" about going back. To be clear, my parents are nice people. I just can't stand being reminded of my childhood. The main grudge I have is that I was routinely molested as a child for years by a relative and they forced me to forgive him. I had to live with him for years and I was chaperoned to school by him at my parents' command. They did not foster any independence and I had to basically claw my way out of my family. I would get told by my parents how my molestor was suicidal, etc. when I was growing up and I guess everything has worked out for both me and the molestor, but it just makes me feel really ugly that my parents kind of just covered for the molestor. They also told my extended family that the molesting was "consensual" and that it was just "sex play" and that I asked for it. I was told I wouldn't have been molested if I weren't "charming and manipulative" for a child under the age of 10. My point is, I don't enjoy returning to that and I'm just happy I'm out in addition to the fact I was extremely restricted and controlled as a kid. I'm not sure if I'm overreacting by my desire to not visit, like maybe I need to force myself to visit as a form of exposure therapy and eventually I'll be cool with my family again. I feel ashamed that I'm not over it. I feel bad for my partner because I know he enjoys talking with my family (he's aware of our history and dislikes my parents, but still, he likes going, I can't blame him, my family is interesting), but I don't want to go to events if possible. I feel like I need to course correct and double down on not going as much but maybe this is foolish.

Advice is appreciated. I have debated telling my mom why I don't like going over so much. I always blame it on the fact it's a 2 hour drive. I'm afraid if I do that I'll make our relationship worse.

No. 403982

>>403974
Just be honest with them. You're already seeing them 3 times a year so you don't have much to lose. Sit down just your mom (or your father whoever is most likely to listen to you without getting deffensive) for a 1 on 1 conversation, or even write it down if you think that's the only way you can get the message across without them interrupting you or it turning into a fight. Make it clear what you want out of them (ie. no longer asking you to bring your partner with you or w/e you exactly want). Don't try to convince them either, don't feel the need to justify yourself if they get defensive or try to make counterarguments, you won't achieve anything that way. Make it clear that keeping your partner seperate from your parents is your boundary and it doesn't matter what they think and they don't have to like it: it's your boundary, they've got to respect it if they want to keep seeing you and that's the end of it.

No. 403984

File: 1717691042137.png (234.04 KB, 640x486, horrified.png)

>>403974
>mfw that spoiler
You should go ahead and tell your mom why you're not visiting and then go cold turkey no-contact for 5 years minimum, longer if you feel like it after 5 years. Don't even go to a funeral. If you need permission finally stop visiting them, consider this your permission slip.

I've been with my parter for 14 years and my family has never seen him nor do they know he exists. I met him when I was no-contact, which I mostly still am outside a text a couple time per year. When they ask I say that I'm single and they just say "oh well you'll find someone". You don't owe your family anything after what they did.

No. 404000

>>403974
Your parents are not nice people if they did all that and amplified the horrifying and traumatic experience you were already going through. I'm very sorry that happened and that your parents chose the bizarre as fuck, inhumane, psycopathic string of actions in response to your pain.
I think it would be fine and justified if you chose to go full no-contact for years if not forever, or keep your current rate of visits, or tell them an honest version of why you don't want them more in your life, or key their cars and slash their tires, or order a hit on your molestor. Any combination of the above is also good.
I hate to shill therapy because some of them are absolute quacks, but I think there might be more work and healing left to be done if you view your parents as nice people. Congratulations on winning the fight for your independence anon, you're amazing and incredibly strong.

No. 404034

>>403974
Your parents are not nice people. This may be an exaggeration on my part but I'm actively worried for your nephew.

No. 404064

File: 1717704564572.jpeg (78.34 KB, 610x600, 1686660553604.jpeg)

ok, I'm kind of struggling right now and I need some practical tips on getting through it. I've never been the most energetic person, but lately I've been completely fucked up. I can barely think or even have one conversation. and oddly I've developed some extremely aggressive headaches that just last for hours especially on the left side of my head, alongside other very odd, new symptoms. people regularly tell me I look like I'm dying because my sunken black circles around my eyes have gotten so terrible (and they even feel extremely painful). my mental health is also combusting and now I have nightly existential crises which really can't be great for my already awful sleep quality.

oh and yeah I asked my doctor. he said it was all caused by allergies…allergy pills have never helped. so I'm pretty much on my own. I'm trying to narrow down the cause and help myself feel better but I feel so disempowered.

No. 404068

>>404064
that's not allergies. tell your doctor you want them to test for other problems. if they refuse tell them to write it down on your chart that you asked and they refused (I have no idea if this is a real thing but I always see it suggested) or say you want a second opinion or referral to another doctor who will help you.

No. 404070

>>404064
Have your blood tested asap. Unable to focus, brainfog to the point of struggling to have conversations, worsening mental health, lack of energy, headaches, those are all symptoms of nutritional deficiencies. And if you think "nah that can't be it, I eat healthy" you could be unknowningly losing blood internally or not absorbing nutrients well due to an asymptomatic autoimmune disorder or other underlying medical issues. Even if it doesn't turn out to be deficiencies, it's good to have it ruled out. Hope you feel better soon!

No. 404132

>>403974
1) You are not overreacting. There is really no way you could overreact to that. That is horrible. 2) You deserve to keep as much distance as you want and you deserve to build the life you want. 3) Some other anons said "go ahead and tell your mom" but I'll disagree. I've known people who have similarly confronted their parents over similar things, and they usually come away disappointed and devastated. I don't know anyone who has gotten a satisfactory apology or attempt to make up for the pain that they caused when they were younger. I feel like parents who would say and do such horrible things have a world view that is so far from reality that there is no confrontation that would cause them to respectfully listen and make it up to you. Personally, I would thus recommend grey-rocking (giving them as little info and contact as possible). However, you should do whatever feels right to you and lets you have control over your life. Maybe first you should ask yourself, however: what kind of resolution would make you satisfied, and what are the chances of reaching it? If you just need to get the truth out and don't care how your mom reacts, then maybe confronting is a good idea. If you need her to take back everything she's said and apologize for everything she's done, then maybe it's unlikely to work out. Either way, best of luck to you and your partner.

No. 404399

would you nonas agree with the statement that a lot of the time attraction between two people is in fact mutual? that on a subconscious level we pick up the vibes of the other person and the mutual attraction cements a crush?

No. 404400

>>404399
No, im ugly and no one has liked me back. Kek

No. 404403


No. 404404

>>404399
Ime I subconsciously think and project this onto people only to self-reflect and realize it was just delusion.

No. 404405

>>404132
>Maybe first you should ask yourself, however: what kind of resolution would make you satisfied, and what are the chances of reaching it? If you just need to get the truth out and don't care how your mom reacts, then maybe confronting is a good idea.
This is how I personally felt when I talked to my dad before going no contact (I did not expect him to have a come-to-Jesus moment but felt I had to express my thoughts for closure) so that’s why I told her to go ahead and tell her mom because it can be helpful but I guess you make a good point if she wants something else from it she’s extremely unlikely to get it and should be forewarned she would just be opening old wounds for her mom to pour salt on them / act the same as ever.

No. 404422

>>404399
Absolutely not.

No. 404425

>>404399
um were did you come up with this? also just FYI, attraction isn't some divine force. there's people out there that'd be attracted to a dead fish. so, even if there was mutual attraction it probably doesn't mean that much.

No. 404452

>>404399
I understand what you’re getting at nona. This is not the case, however people are attracted to attraction. So that’s why it can seem that way often.

No. 404566

Nonas I need some advice, I recently made two new friends, who are already friends with each other and pretty close.

After spending more time with them I realise I’m not really clicking with them. One is BPD and the other has nothing in common with me but is nice. Recently I’ve been inviting the Nice one to my house, mostly because I feel bad for her because her flat sucks, she comes over, eats all my food and talks about things I don’t care about.

BPD found out we have been hanging out without her and sent me a long message saying basically she wants to know whenever we hang out and are excluding her, she already asked Nice this and Nice refused so now she’s asking me. I haven’t really responded and have been avoiding her because it made me uncomfortable.

I tried to avoid Nice too because I don’t really get on with them great and would like to remove BPD from my life. Nice constantly wants to hang out with me though. I feel like if I tell Nice I’m not going to be friends with BPD anymore then Nice will follow my lead, but Nice is kind of reliant on BPD and I don’t want Nice reliant on me instead. But if I don’t tell Nice it keeps BPD involved in my life.

I honestly don’t want to hang out with either them but feel too mean to tell Nice to go away, since they haven’t done anything bad to me.
Both of them have bad hygiene, especially BPD who you can smell from across the room, which is why I started not inviting her to my house.
What do I do?

No. 404568

>>404566
If you don't want to be honest and upfront (which would probably make your and their life easier), stop inviting them and just let the contact fizzle out. Don't initiate contact, don't engage too much when they talk to you, everytime they ask to hang out you say you can't for whatever reason. They'll get the hint.

No. 404569

This is disgusting and embarrassing, but how do I motivate myself into becoming a cleaner person? I was never taught normal hygiene stuff and growing up that way made me too comfortable with being filthy (and I think NEETdom/mental health issues didn't help), I can go days without showering or changing my underwear and not feel dirty the way that normal people describe it. It's gross, but it's hard to find the energy to do things like take a shower daily when I don't "feel" dirty, even if I know I should. Is there a way to drill a basic standard of cleanliness into my head?

No. 404572

>>404568
I have tried to do this for a month but they consistently ask me twice a week if I’m free

No. 404577

>>404572
If you've been saying you're too busy so far, it's time to simply stop replying to them.

No. 404580

>>404569
Once you experience clean it will get easier. Scrub yourself with a cloth head to toe, like with actual vigor to remove dead skin cells, don't just stand under the water. Clean and trim your nails. Go to the dentist and have them blast all the tartar off and remove your stains then keep it that way with brushing and flossing (look at your teeth every day in the mirror with a good light). Massage the shampoo into your scalp, do it twice, then use a hair oil or condition. Only wear clothes once, for a day and then wash them. There's not a trick you just have to do stuff habitually. Sorry (sincerely) no one taught you when you were younger but you can teach yourself.

One warning I'll give is that your skin has a microbiome that adjusts to whatever you do over time. Oils in your hair and skin can also adjust to your habits (although a lot of that is hormones too and you can only do so much, not to get into the weeds here.) What I'm getting at is you might get extremely fucking itchy if you strip off all your dead skin and oils with soap daily after not showering very often for years. Maybe you should just start with water and a cloth for your skin and see how it feels… really up to you, you can experiment there but pay attention to your body's reaction. Hair doesn't have to be shampoo'd every single day (unless yours does, really depends on the person) and it might actually be detrimental to overwash it. But since you're trying to be clean I recommend still getting it wet and scrubbing your scalp with your fingers and rinsing it thoroughly every day even if you aren't using products in it.

No. 404591

>>404569
Maybe you get overwhelmed with 'where to start', and it kind of snowballs from feeling like you're living in chaos, and not being able to catch up. Have you tried getting a whiteboard, and making checklists? Having a specific day to clean your house, maybe putting on some music, or a podcast? I was kind of a greaseball before I realised I needed lists to function

No. 404595

>>404569
disclaimer I shower every 2-3 days usually since I don't get sweaty or grimy
-Wash your face once a day. Morning is a good time for it
-Spend an hour cleaning up/organizing your place every 2-3 days for now. This will hopefully make you workout and sweat a little, which makes it a great time and marker to shower
-Schedule a dentist appointment for a simple cleaning
-I like using sticky notes and taping them to a wall for reminders. A reminder to brush properly, floss, and use mouthwash goes a long way for me

No. 404664

File: 1717888041229.jpg (119.47 KB, 739x1000, 71LqsTqBWbL._AC_UF894,1000_QL8…)

>>404569
>I can go days without showering or changing my underwear and not feel dirty the way that normal people describe it
Even if you don't feel it, you are. Your body is constantly shedding dead cells of all kinds. I've got KP, so I KNOW I gotta scrub my skin or else the dead skin won't come off. Took me 20 years to realize this, kek. Invest in a Korean italy towel for starters. You will see the difference in one shower. Also don't forget to floss, otherwise you'll get enflamed gums.

No. 404672

>>404664
I have the same bath towels and they're the closest things I can find to hammam gloves outside of Morocco. No sugar scrub or loofah comes even close to these.

No. 404954

This is more of a friend advice query. I started going to a church a few years ago and I've really been enjoying it and I've made some nice friends. However, I have a problem with gravitating towards the 'helpful' people or at least, they gravitate towards me, and now I have this one woman who is stuck to me. She's almost 50 so my mothers age, and she has a son a bit younger than me so she is definitely in her mother era still. She and I got pretty close over the many months of me going there and she did help me out through some dark periods, however as of this year I've just not been wanting to overshare anymore. I feel like I've told her a lot of personal secrets, which I tend to do and I know is a big problem of mine. But now I want to take back some of my privacy and deal with my mental health issues and family issues alone. She tries to text me throughout the week and has these 'dinner dates' which I know are just ways of finding out how I'm going and to know more. I think she means well but she is definitely a sticky beak. She probably wouldn't reveal said info to anyone (I hope) but I still want to remain on the side of caution now. She is chinese so maybe there is a cultural misunderstanding on my end? Maybe she is just being super helpful and friendly, but I'm honestly just tired of it and I have no idea how to distance myself more. I have to see her weekly anyway and there is a council meeting monthly so I cant simply avoid her physically. I can try though… But I have severe issues setting boundaries, and simply telling her 'I need some space' would probably require me being on drugs to have the confidence to say that at all. Any stories/tips for an overbearing friend?

No. 404966

File: 1718008937874.jpeg (44.44 KB, 612x398, istockphoto-1035219558-612x612…)

Could nonnies give suggestions? I want to learn a trade or have a side hustle. I'm working from home and I want to learn useful things for the future. eg doing nails where I can be creative and work with mostly women. Maybe investing time for learning to sew or crochet? Maybe starting a blog? Bracelets?
What do you all think? Any successful nona stories? I mentioned nails cause I tried and never got good at it before…

No. 404968

Is there any chance to ever find love again after using dating apps. Theyre just so boring and laborious now a days. It sucks the soul out of me and I just end up depressed. Ive uninstalled Bumble and Coffee Meets Bagle now everything feels like a chore to even talk to people. Will meeting someone organically ever happen again?

No. 404969

>>404966
There's not a lot of money in crochet and it's an oversatured market as is. A lot of what you'll make will cost more in materials and hours of labour than people are willing to pay for. Don't do that unless you simply really enjoy crocheting.

No. 404972

>>404968
I'm in the same boat anon. Its been a year for me on all the apps and only 2 conversations have come out of it which didnt last longer than a day or so. My job is from home and I dont have any external hobbies or the money to go to some class. Plus, even if I was to do any external hobbies it would probably only attract women or old ladies anyway.. It all feels so hopeless. No advice sorry, just know you're not alone.

No. 404975

>>404972
fuckkkk okay. i get you. we'll get out of this hell

No. 404977

>>404972
Why can't you have convos? Do you live in a small city with not many people on the apps or are you extremely picky? You can look into signing up for hobby classes just to go out there. Also lost weight anf better your looks if that's the issue

No. 404978

>>404977
I live in a big city actually but its really leftie, so it can be hard. I think I am picky due to wasting 10 years on 3 massive losers so I'm super careful with how I speak to guys now. I always avoid red flags so now I'm not. As I mentioned about hobby class, it attracts women/old people. I tried out 2 hobbies and one just had women and lesbians and the other had people aged 50+. So now all my hobbies are introverted. Sure I can improve my looks but I'm still not sure how that would help.

No. 405021

have any nonas here been on the norimin pill? if so, what was it like compared to other combo pills? i have been on the same pill for around 5 years and haven't switched pills before, i am nervous about side effects of both switching and also being on the new pill.

No. 405433

I need some help with pushing away a moid who's close to a friendship I'm trying to pursue.

This girl is the only one irl who is actually nice to me and willing to try a friendship with me, I like her personality and we have a lot in common. The issue is that she has a close relationship with her cousin who's interested in me, but if I cut him off it might damage my friendship with her.

Last year I tried to be friends with her but he started harassing me, so I blocked him and ignored him irl and I kind of stopped hanging around her as much since he would be there too. But now since I've started to hang around her again he's reappeared. He's worse than before, over the weekend he said he's obsessed with me and that he wants me to be his girlfriend, I replied by saying he's just drunk. I'm really scared of him and I don't know how I'm supposed to cut him off. I don't like that he thinks my friendship with her is a package deal that includes him.

Is this friendship with her doomed to fail? Is it even worth pursing a friendship with her? Someone please help me, I have no friends irl and she seems to be the only option left for me.

No. 405436

>>404978
NTA but you can try going to the park or somewhere pubic and if you find a guy that catches your attention you can try and go talk to him. Maybe tell him first that you think he’s attractive and want to get to know eachother etc

No. 405457

Is anyone here a writer? I would really like to learn how to write creatively. Shewrites.com has some fairly useful writing tips but they kindve assume you’ve taken a writing course. I haven’t, is it a good idea? Or is there an alternative way to practice?

No. 405458

>>405436
This feels like dangerous advice.

No. 405466

How do you deal with the fact that your political beliefs will cause people to dislike you and lead to you missing out on possible connections? I have no problem befriending people whose beliefs I disagree with, but that is not reciprocated. I don't like talking about politics, but I don't want to shy away from my thoughts if the topic comes up. Sometimes I wish I could put the blindfold back on and forget everything I've learned. I do find people who agree with one thing I do but disagree with other things, and they feel so strongly about those things that they would want me to die. Sorry if this comes across as juvenile. I just want to have friends I can be open and honest with. I see and hear the way people speak about those with my beliefs, and I just feel so alone.

No. 405469

>>405433
Tell about your concerns to her in a diplomatic manner, stressing that you don't feel comfortable around him due to his behaviour, and if she thinks having a creepy moid hang around her at all times is more important than friendship with you, she's not worth befriending.

No. 405476

>>405458
it's really not more dangerous than any other method of meeting people. probably safer in some ways.

No. 405477

>>405433
Set a hard, rude line with him. Tell him bluntly and preferably in front of people that you're not fucking interested in him and he needs to keep at least 10 feet away from you at all times kek
I'm so sorry but this comes first before your friendship with her. She should laugh and back you up, no decent woman would take his side over this. She is a really bad friend if she's mad at you for this. If I had a pushy male cousin that was harassing my friend I would have already told him to back off.

No. 405479

>>405457
I used to write a lot and honestly my best advice is to read more. Find an author with prose that you like and try to emulate their writing style. Writing is really just like art and music, you need inspiration and input to base your own writing off of.

No. 405481

I work from home. I don't go outside almost ever except to go to the grocery store. I'm already married, so I don't have to dress up to attract a mate (lol). And so every day I wear a t-shirt with joggers and a hoodie. And yet I have so much clothing that I literally never wear.

I love it all and have meticulously picked out every piece, and it's all in excellent condition and fits well. But I just never have any occasion to wear any of it. I still find myself buying more from time to time, imagining that I'm wearing it out such and such place gallivating around with my non-existent friends in some beautiful locale. It's not like that never happens, every now and then we do go on holiday or visit family and I have a nice time picking out the clothing that I selected for that perfect moment. But otherwise, that beautiful dress that I bought four years ago rots in my wardrobe having been worn three times.

I'm not sure what is the right thing to do - do I take a massive L and sell almost all of it, taking a big loss on the cost? Or do I just keep holding on to it because one day the opportunity might come to wear it again? It just feels so sad to get rid of it, but at the same time, the excess bothers me.

No. 405482

>>405481
It's your carefully curated collection. Keep it. Do not get rid of it.

No. 405484

>>405481
Depends, do you have the genuine desire and intentions to change your life in a way that would need those clothes? If not and you can't see yourself wearing it at home for your own pleasure, sell it. You age out of stuff taste-wise, fashion changes over time and your body changes too, fabric deteriorates even when kept in a closet, so those possible future opportunities you're hoping for to wear all that stuff are going to become more unlikely as the years pass.

>and sell almost all of it, taking a big loss on the cost?

The real loss is not having gotten the value out of the initial money spent, that doesn't change whether you sell it or not.

No. 405548

>>405481
What's your money situation, what's your social life situation? Because the best possible answer is to change everything you're doing and start going places you can get dressed up for even if it's just brunch with friends, the movies, and so on

No. 405594

>>405481
what if you stop buying new pieces and start dressing up randomly as you wfh? easiest way to get the value from wearing the clothes that please you without needing to make huge changes first

No. 405970

>>405482
>>405484
>>405548
>>405594

Thanks for all the replies, it's been really helpful to think about this. I'll sort of combine it into one tl;dr.

Money isn't really an issue. I don't have a social life at all, nor can I imagine starting one up at this point. I often imagine doing so, but I don't drink and also don't really relate to people around me very well, so routinely abandon vague attempts to get to know people better. I've only had online friends for years at this point and can't imagine that changing. Very occasionally we do meet up in person though. But years of depression is definitely the underlying factor in it all.

I'm leaning towards >>405482 because at one point a lot earlier in my life - after I had already stopped having any kind of social life - I impulsively threw out almost all of my clothing that I had collected over the previous years, and it's one of my biggest regrets. It sounds completely insane to still think about something like that, but I do still have (and occasionally wear) a few of those remaining things from when I was 15-16, which was… over a decade ago. I really don't feel the same way about any other material possessions, it's just clothing I have this sentimental attachment to.

My main feeling though is that it just kind of seems to me that I should get over that fear of regret and that sentimental attachment and just get rid of it, because I simply don't require it anymore, and it makes me feel a bit uncomfortable to have a large wardrobe when I don't do anything to deserve owning.

I think I have an irrational attitude that just wearing these things around the house 'wastes' them, because it signifies more wear and then having to put it through a wash cycle that will deplete its finite lifespan, when no one is even going to see me in it. I recognise that doesn't really make sense since the clothing wouldn't be getting worn otherwise anyway, so it's more that I think I would feel kind of stupid wearing nice clothing around the house and that it wouldn't make me feel better, it would just make me feel like an idiot.

I think I'll try to combine it, so catalogue everything I have and give it the most rigid pass-through I can, sell the things I don't like enough, and try wearing some of it around the house to see if that works for me. If I feel okay about having sold some of it, then I can try to go for more, and maybe have a set limit of pieces per 'category' or something to not exceed. But some combination is probably the healthiest thing I can do.

No. 406177

Any advice on starting drawing late in life? I only drew as a kid until middle school, so I have zero basic fundamentals, should I go to an art club for adults?

No. 406185

>>405970
Nooo. BEEP. Wrong. Keep your clothes and wear them around your house. You're suffering from massively low self-esteem here, it's oozing out of your post. You think you don't deserve to wear your nice clothes unless it's for someone else. That's so wrong. Getting rid of your clothes that you obviously love would be a mild form of self-harm for you. KEEP THE CLOTHES. WEAR THE CLOTHES.

No. 406189

>>406185
This. I was in the same situation a while back and also got rid of lots of beautiful clothes when I was a teenager for fear I'd never look good in them. Almost a decade later I'm still mad at myself for doing that!! Finding clothes/pieces that really 'fit' your style is hard, you'll regret it more if you get rid of your collection or never wear them. Maybe you could start wearing individual items to get comfortable with the idea of using the clothes outside?

No. 406226

>>406177
I'd suggest taking classes if you've never really drawn, a good teacher will give you a ton of valuable advices and the schedule will keep you motivated. Then just practice from observation, starting with small and simple objects. Practice as much as possible. There are a ton of free online classes on youtube too. Just know that it will take time and don't be too hard on yourself if you seem to struggle at first. Good luck anon, glad you're starting a new hobby journey !

No. 406241

Nonnies, please help me out. My mom is really into conspiracy theories (like New World Order and straight up tradfem/borderline Q-Anon level shit). She is even getting my dad into them and I feel like I have nothing in common with them anymore. She is constantly having a breakdown whenever I even mention the name of muslims and Ukraine (for context, we are not American in the slightest, we are really fucking south Asian) and she is constantly inserting religious talk into every conversation we have. She is belittling my stupid talks and advise to take breaks from YouTube conspiracy theories by saying that her supposed knowledge in geopolitics is very useful and patriotic and I am anti-national.

How do I deal with it? Should I just deal with it or do something else? I don't have much company or friends other than her…

No. 406244

>>406241
If she isn't tech savvy, you could sneakily disable the youtube app on her phone (you can do it even if it's a system app on android, idk about ios). No idea how you'd deal with it otherwise.

No. 406371

>>406244
My mom watches YouTube on Smart TV. I have no hope.

No. 406408

>>406241
there's an anon on /ot/ that got members of her family out of the conspiracy hole via simple but long-game tactics like listening to them and learning about the conspiracy and making small comments that this-or-that part of it doesn't line up, slowly poking holes in it and helping her family member see out of it. they slowly lose interest in it, get less fervent about it. she never argued with them or said they have to stop, that just makes them dig their heels in harder. she said she'd done it a few times, wish I could remember the exact phrasing of her post so I can look it up and link it, sorry. basically you can't argue because it makes them feel more attacked and paranoid and they only fall deeper into the hole. you have to treat it like something mundane and "interesting" while making small comments was the gist I got. most conspiracies fall apart

No. 406423

>>406408
This works. I’ve noticed that conspiracy theorists never actually want you to debate them or research things for yourself. They just want to yell a text wall at you and for you to sit there and listen and get educated by their nonsense. If you actually engage with them and start poking holes in the theory or giving more logical explanations for things they quickly shut up.

No. 406454

>>406241
Tbh I'd leave them to it. No matter how whacky you might think her new beliefs are, you're not peers so while you think she's belittling you.. it probably also feels belittling on her end to have your own kid telling you to stop watching your favorite youtube vids. Weird role reversal. I think
>I don't have much company or friends other than her…
Is why it's such an issue. This might be the push to make more friends and not rely so heavily on your parents for that. It's alot easier to have even wildy different beliefs than your parents when you have more going on outside of just them.

My dad weirdly changed like that after retirement but tbh I'd feel like I'd be talking down to him if at half his age I'm trying to tell him what to believe or poke holes in his beliefs. He's more than big enough to decide what his own beliefs are.

No. 406484

>>406408
How do I exactly go about it? I mean, I am aware that it is a long term strategy but it's kinda hard since I am literally autistic, chronically online and I do not have any fucking idea as to what New World Order even means much tbh. I know something about Soros yadayada and something about a commission 300. All I know is that if my mom was in control of my country, she would unironically try to genocide Muslims, Christians and Jews and try to fucking invade Myanmar and Indonesia. She also want to marry me off to a man with similar belies once I am older and she has killed whatever little interest I had in men. I constantly feel uneasy and breathless as whenever I try to study, some random conspiracy video is playing and I have to force myself to ignore it. I nearly got a panic attack from it, I am not exaggerating.

No. 406500

>>406484
> All I know is that if my mom was in control of my country, she would unironically try to genocide Muslims, Christians and Jews and try to fucking invade Myanmar and Indonesia.
LMFAO I'm sorry for laughing
> She also want to marry me off to a man with similar belies once I am older
Okay that is bad actually. I hope she can't actually do this where you live?
You don't have to learn her conspiracies inside and out but you do have to learn enough about it to feign an interest and bring up certain holes in the logic of the conspiracy. This would probably be difficult due to your autism… I wish that other anon who has done this would see this post. You might be out of your depth here and better off following this advice >>406454
+ work fast to become financially independent and bounce before she can marry you off.

No. 406728

hi nonnas. I fucked up today. I was doing some yard work and I clipped something that I was sure was a weed and turned out it was a plant that had appeared that my mom really wanted to keep. and she was extra mad because she actually DID point it out to me weeks ago! at the time I didn't at all register it. my only excuse is that I was operating on 1 hour of sleep, but honestly, if I was actually interested I would have remembered so it isn't a real excuse.

how do I make it up to her? I feel very guilty. also, yeah, she gets very attached to some things so getting another one probably won't help much…

No. 406729

File: 1718606941443.png (683.35 KB, 1500x1000, make-more-plants-with-cuttings…)

>>406728
If you still have it and it hasn't been too long, you can try to take cuttings and grow a new one from the same plant, it'd genetically be the same plant. If you know the species you can google if it's one that takes to cuttings well.

No. 406752

I gave up on dating in my mid 20s to focus on living life for myself (29 now). What are some signs that I’m at a point in my life to be ready to start dating again?

No. 406756

>>406752
You just feel it I guess? I'm 31 and I know I've never been ready to date.

No. 406758

>>406752
Things like you no longer find yourself doing things for other people resentfully out of obligation or overextending yourself constantly. (Doormat syndrome.) you want to feel like a partner would add something good to your life, not be a source of stress or burden. but those would be my things, your thing might be different. Why weren’t you ready before?

No. 406761

>>406758
>Why weren’t you ready before?
I realised I was being a people pleaser in my relationships and getting annoyed that my ex boyfriend was not appreciative of my efforts. Took a lot of self reflection and gaining new life experience (hobbies, career, travel) to build my self esteem enough to learn to put my own interests first. I think I am ready for a boyfriend now but I wonder if there’s a self awareness blindspot that’s leading me to this conclusion.

No. 406762

>>406761
you could dip your toe back in as a test and see if things have really changed. just don't commit and start doing too much

No. 406763

>>406762
That’s not a bad idea. I’ll keep an open mind.

No. 406927

File: 1718662874558.jpg (264.58 KB, 600x450, 1671663952376.jpg)

Anons I want to get into data analytics. I've realized that I'll probably never be able to make a career out of something I'm necessarily passionate about, I'm more aiming for a job that I could eventually go remote for, earn a great living, and have a good worklife balance (to spend time doing hobbies I'm actually passionate about and ofc spend time with friends, family, and my significant other), and to be able to use my skills to a a degree that makes me proud in my abilities.

I have a few problems, though:
>know nothing about excel, SQL, powerBI, or python
>have never taken a statistics class in my life
>speaking of, I am really bad at math kek

Through my work I have the opportunity to earn a bachelor's in data analytics, and I have the opportunity to attend many bootcamps too. Most of them are totally free, so that works in my favor.

Is it worth it to pursue this dream if I'm not great at math and don't know shit about statistics? I also want to pursue this career because even if I can't land a job in data analytics I'm sure the power of knowing SQL, excel, powerBI, etc will be able to land me related jobs that might pay well.

Is it worth it? Or is there another career that is easy to acquire knowledge in that would allow me to have a remote job and would pay well? Help please!

No. 406944

Ladies a girl came up to me and gave me her number and asked me out. This hasn't happened before so it's a bit nerve-wracking. I don't date often at all and honestly don't think I should right now, what's the best course of action? Tell her I'm not interested? Offer to be friends? Go on the date and see what happens? I've never done this before

No. 406948

>>406944
>honestly don't think I should right now
Just don't call her if that's the case. End of story. Just because she offered/asked doesn't mean you have to respond, that's not how asking people out works. Good for her being bold, but it doesn't oblige you to call her.

No. 407034

File: 1718689229236.jpg (145.33 KB, 527x792, 1000014396.jpg)

Anons, how can I overcome my perfectionism? I grew up with a mother who constantly critised me and as a result I never feel good enough, be it my work or my hobbies. I cannot do anything for my own enjoyment because I always get this massive anxiety whether I am good enough. It's like having my mother's critical voice in my head constantly. I have been in therapy but never managed to resolve this.
Has anyone dealt with this? How did you overcome it?

No. 407065

When I open my mouth I'm conscious that I'm spouting nonsense, very much disjointed words. How do I link my brain with my speaking?

No. 407066

>>407034
I'm not sure I'm the best person to help you, as I'm the same as you. My mother was the same way, and I've developed an obsession with perfectionism over everything in my life. I couldn't do a single thing without finding a flaw on it, which slowly got me to stop doing stuff as if it felt pointless to try things.
All that said, what helped me push through it recently was looking back at the things I've done years ago. The distance made me really realize how unfair I am to myself. I don't look at my own achievements thinking I was perfect, but now I see a lot more value on them than I did back then. Knowing I'm probably doing the same today makes me more aware when I'm self-critical.
I've been pushing through and pursuing my hobbies. I'm purposefully doing things I know I'll probably fail and trying not to drop them. If I experience more flaws and errors, maybe I'll accept they're inherent to doing anything. Maybe we are not good enough for some things, nonna, but that's okay. Everyone is lacking in some aspects. You just need to figure out which things are important for you to spend time and effort into getting better. Even the things we're our best, we'll still fail sometimes, and that's also ok. Is your mom who criticized you perfect to begin with? I bet not.
I know firsthand how it's easy to say that and how hard it is to put these words in practice, but slowly, we'll get there. Being aware that you have a nagging and unfair voice in your head is a great step. It will still annoy and terrorize you, but you don't need to believe it. If you want to do something, do it. Find supportive friends, listen to coworkers and bosses when they compliment you, and it's so easy to brush off the good and obsess on the bad stuff.

No. 407067

>>407065
Read more books to help expand your vocabulary. Go read the classics, nothing modern. If you don't understand some words use a dictionary. In addition to the reading, you should start journalling as a way to practice putting your thoughts into words. I suggest journalling because it's easy but if that's too directionless, write little essays for yourself about topics that interest you. They don't have to be super long. Read the essays out loud to yourself.

No. 407071

>>407065
Pause before you speak and collect your thoughts

No. 407155

>>407071
Nta but when I try to do this every single person I talk to immediately interrupts and tries to finish my sentence. It's so fucking annoying. How can I speak better but also avoid the retards trying to speed run my own sentence for me?

No. 407170

>>407155
Stop caring. People with low attention spans to let you finish your thought aren't worth taking seriously. The people you surround yourself with make a huge difference in your own personality as well. Surround yourself with well spoken, thoughtful people.

No. 407193

My coworker Jane talks to me like she’s my boss. I usually ignore her .The only problem is that I have another coworker Andy, who is a pushover, with the same job title as me who plays along with her so she keeps doing it. Do I need to I tell Andy to stop playing Jane’s games?

No. 407377

>>407193
if andy wants to let jane walk all over him then that's his problem but just because he's a pushover doesn't mean she should treat you like one too. sounds like she needs to be taken down a peg.

No. 407474

ever since my last relationship ended in november my best friend has been really supportive until i start seeing anyone new and then it’s like she just gets super shitty and hostile all the time. she was never like this before when i dated but now any time i mention that i’ve been on a date she totally shuts down and starts being an asshole. i’ve confronted her about it and she said she’s just been struggling a lot with being jealous that i’ve had an easier time getting dates than she has and like i get that but it’s getting really tiresome.
it feels like she’s only happy when i’m just as miserable as her lately and she’s never been like this before and it’s really upsetting. i’ve been seeing someone and things are going really well and i want so much to be able to talk to my closest friend about it but instead i’ve had to straight up lie to her about what i’ve been doing and how i’ve been feeling because she’s so quick to dismiss me. it’s like the second i start being more romantically successful than her she thinks she’s allowed to treat me worse and i’m just really fucking sick of it but i don’t know what to do. she’s a great friend the rest of the time and we’ve been besties for over a decade but i can’t keep putting up with this behavior when i try so hard to be supportive and positive towards her. i’m thinking of suggesting we take a break from hanging out for a while but i worry that she’ll just think i’m doing that so i have more time to hang out with the guy i’ve been seeing rather than as a result of her behavior. what would you guys do when you’ve tried to communicate but the problem isn’t improving?

No. 407507

Does anyone know why someone would constantly obsess over things they can’t control? It’s like every time something starts to go right in my life and I’m starting to do good for myself like doing better at work eating healthier I start compulsively thinking about the things I can’t do anything about and it makes me spiral out of control and get depressed and not want to leave bed. I don’t know why my brain does this. I feel hopeless

No. 407512

>>407507
fear of success so you self sabotage?

No. 407515

>>407377
>she needs to be taken down a peg
How do you do this nonna? I’m only good at standing up for myself when directly confronted.

No. 407642

>>407515
frankly your actual boss should be the one to remind her that she's your coworker and doesn't have a managerial role.

No. 407764

File: 1718925848585.jpg (50.83 KB, 735x553, 2ee99a596d059aec31c05829aafa91…)

be honest with me, do you think labiaplasty is worth it for discomfort reasons? idk i feel that my labia makes me too sensitive since it is so large and that my day to day life would be more comfortable if i did not have it, but i do not know if that is an accurate thought

No. 407788

>>407764
I had to do a write up on my feelings on labiaplasty in a women's health class so I'll just say what I said there more concisely: if your labia causes you great discomfort in day-to-day life, and no style of underwear or bottom clothing helps to mitigate the discomfort, I think a labiaplasty is justified. If the purpose is to achieve a "nicer" looking labia, no, don't get the surgery. But if it's a constant discomfort I think you are well within your right to see if surgery can correct that discomfort you feel.
But definitely try out different underwear and different style pants if you haven't already, you'll probably be out of work for a while post labiaplasty.

No. 407794

>>407788
i agree with you but i do not know what normal feels. For the record i always wore pads or pantyliners cause without fabric on my genitals feels uncomfortable

No. 408059

File: 1719009919137.png (305.68 KB, 680x512, a2a.png)

I'm flatmates with a girl that cannot stop eating my shit. We were friends before and we also hang out occassionally but I want to yank her in a wall every time she does this. It started with when I first came, she helped herself to a pack of shredded cheese and it was open for days before I went and found it on the fridge, thinking it was sealed. I generally have a big fear of moldy/ spoiled food/ food poisoning.
I told her not to do this again and we talked a bit about it and I explained that I go to the super market and it's her responsibility too. I tried to even go with her so we could buy something 50-50 and share it if she wanted, but she can never commit to a plan and would bail on me often and randomly go on a Tuesday at like, 6pm. Afterwards she slowly started just announcing to me "oh I ate this thing from you btw", not like, my leftovers but for example I'd buy something, like vegetables and she'd take some and only announce it afterwards. I'm also autistic and my palate is very,very limited, so I'm upset that she can just gorge whatever the fuck she wants while I'm limited at my options that I've taken care of to go and buy them from me.
The last straw was today. Some days ago she asked if she could borrow some of my almond milk, since she's not going for groceries as she's leaving for vacation soon, and ended up drinking half of it. She later went on to buy a new one, where I shit you not, I only drank once from before it was done and she actually had the audacity to ask before I opened it to drink half from that as well because "she only drank half from the previous one", but I didn't say anything and said ok to drinking half of the newly bought one. Today, I find a new bottle in the fridge from MY backup almond milk, and surprise surprise, it's open. So she helped herself to a new one yet another time.
Best part? I'm working full time and she's being supported from her parents fully while she's finishing up her degree. She's also like a year younger than me, and her parents are rich rich.
I'm in an incredibly hard position cause the rent is extremely cheap and she's an ex bulimic and ocassional binge eater, so it's hard to like call her out on her gluttony, plus I dont really want to fight with her. I've started hoarding food in my room. Sorry for the long post.

No. 408062

>>408059
That's infuriating anon. Is there any way you could obtain a mini fridge fpr your room? It's extreme but you need it. Another thing you could do is maybe buy some containers and bottles and label them with your name. As soon as you get home, transfer all the food into the new containers and I think she'll be less likely to consume your stuff. Unfortunately this also means you might have to use up everything faster before it spoils but just make sure you take pictures of all the expiration dates or keep track of when you last went shopping.

No. 408068

>>408059
>>408062
For some context, in our culture being stingy and even strictly 50-50 (asking the last cent) is considered bad manners and greediness, so this is a hard topic to bring up. Everytime I may want something, I ask for it (happens incredibly rarely tho) , and she has never said no, so this is extra awkward but I might start documenting my shit, like you said, cause this is ridiculous.

No. 408077

>>408068
Ask her for more stuff. This is a communication issue you need to just be honest even if it is rude in your culture. Yes she’s being terrible eating your food but she probably doesn’t realize how bad she’s being. Just figure out exactly what resources would fix this and then tell her to fork that over. She has the money. You can even phrase it as you helping her by taking her money and doing all the grocery shopping for her. Take her money and buy everything with it, it’s not like she knows what things cost or she wouldn’t do this.

No. 408246

I just broke up with my boyfriend of two years who i lost my virginity to and planned my whole life around. It was our two year anniversary today. I feel so lost, I have no friends, no future prospects, no proper education, no motivation, nothing. I wasted my teen years rotting away in my room and refused to go to school, interacting only with whatever moid i was e-dating at the time. I don't know what to do with myself anymore.

No. 408255

>>408246
This is just a moment in time, being/feeling lost isn't permanent. Take some time to gather your thoughts and feelings and think about what you want for yourself!

No. 408301

>>408246
You can definitely still do anything the girls who went to high school did but you have to apply yourself semi-diligently. Just say you got sick for a couple years if anyone asks why you’re late on your milestones or whatever. You could also just get a blue collar job and choose the simple life, collect the garbage or become a mail handler or cop or something. You’re good this is fine you’re gonna make it through this don’t worry

No. 408598

How do you navigate out-growing a friend? I've had a friend for 5 years now and we've gotten very close, but I think we're just going on different paths in life and it's getting harder and harder to talk to her. This has never really happened to me before so I wanted to ask for advice.

No. 408677

>>408598
This happens all the time nonna. Are you upset you've outgrown her or you feel like she doesn't see this and she still wants to do stuff you're so over doing and you need her to get the message? It'd certainly be painful if you saw it and she didn't.

No. 408680

File: 1719237167827.gif (994.27 KB, 500x410, totoro.gif)

Okay this is kind of a long-shot but here goes: I'm planning a trip to Japan. Naturally I wanna go to the Ghibli museum. My options are:
1. Buy the tickets online (they go on sale 1-2 months in advance, sold flatsale style, probably requires a sniping program to get any)
2. Pay some scalper on Fiverr
3. Find someone in Japan to get them for me (like scalper but charges even more)

Have any anons ever successfully gone there/gotten tickets for them? How did you do it?

No. 408725

I'm so sick of being such a pushover. I'm not a doormat, I still leave bad situations and say No to people, but it never seems to be enough. People (especially gross moids) think that because I look 'innocent' and am quiet/sperg that they can walk all over me, and it makes my life hellish. I give off such shy, 'dont hurt me' energy and i have no idea how to stop it and seem tough instead. I want to be a cold, hard, confident Stacey who bullies men and deep down i know i'm able to do that, but how can I if I'm doomed to be patronised and infantilised? Nonnies, how can I start making it clear that I don't want to deal with bullshit? Can I learn to have more confident body language even though I feel so weird and childish?

No. 408730

a guy cold approached me a few days ago and hes cute alright, very cute .. exactly my type on paper but for some reason i just cant find it in me to do any kind of dating at all. ever since ive lost weight and become prettier ive had this happening w 3 already and idkk i dont feel like it at all. going on dates , responding to texts etc etc etc. i just want to stay at home and do whatever i want but also i NEED a social life and since i just cant w finding girl friends a moid could work even if just to have someone to go to events w/ or whatever. but god its so uncomfortable.. i know id hate myself if I fumble this one but still. i guess im just a turbo autist or just abysmally avoidant.. what do????

No. 408733

>>408725
okay this is gonna sound harsh but if youre autistic or spergy , people will always read you in that kind of light no matter what you do or how you act. NTs can sniff out the tism. could be your unconscious body language also.
do you like anime or cutesy stuff etc? to most people it reads as childish. it attracts the nastiest men

No. 408740

>>408725
Get weirder. You’re afraid to be weird and that’s why you give off weak energy. You hate some part of yourself that you’ve labeled as childish but being weird isn’t childish. Wanting to hide your weirdness is childish. Cultivate an aggressively weird aura.

No. 408742

>>408740
I feel like that's already what I'm doing? Though weird in a bad way rather than "damn this bitch is cool" weird kek. I wish I could be more open and extroverted, talk about my interests more etc but it's like all of that is locked behind a big wall at the moment, and I'm scared to open up (maybe survival mode)

No. 408743

>>408730
go on a date with him and see what he's like. either he's cute inside as well as out and you end up hanging out more, or you don't get on with him and you can stay happily single

No. 408744

>>408733
I like anime to some extent, cutesy stuff too, but don't let people know that. It could be that I don't dress 'my age' (i tend to wear denim skirts and tshirts a lot). i think i might be doomed kek

No. 408747

>>408725
get a tan , do your eyeliner sharper and listen to some charli xcx seesta youll be fine. you need to get into mindset

No. 408754

>>408742
> weird in a bad way
No such thing. Go bigger. There’s always a tipping point where everything weird becomes cool, you just have to reach that.
Denim skirts are horrible male magnets fyi. Are you trying to look like you were homeschooled and just got let outside yesterday? Come on.

No. 408783

How to deal with body dysphoria and catastrophism while having acne?

I'm just so scared of having permanent damage to my face. Every single pimple is a pain because I spend the whole time worrying about whether it'll leave a scar or not. I currently have this one pustule that's taking time to heal and it's worrying me to death, I feel like it's going to leave a big hole afterward.

I have some scarring but it's really minimal like I'm pretty sure I'm the only one who notices it.

I just want someone to tell me that it's OK, that my scars are small enough to disappear on their own, that my pimples won't leave scars.. But everywhere I look all they talk about is microneedling and chemical peels… Please someone help

No. 408801

>>408783
You have to ignore it. You have to ball up all your worry and throw it in a trash can in your mind. You have to spend your energy on productive things that help you achieve your life goals. This is not worth your mental space. Throw a dish against the wall and scream if you have to break the grip this has on your thoughts.

No. 408803

>>407642
>frankly your actual boss should be the one to remind her that she's your coworker and doesn't have a managerial role.
My boss wants me to shadow my coworker so that she can train me on the tasks in her project but she keeps ignoring my messages when I ask her to clarify things. Should I ask if I can get taken off this project since it appears she’s a bit territorial about it? There are plenty of other coworkers who already know how to do the task in being trained on so why should I participate in this drama?

No. 408804

>>408677
I feel kind of upset about it, we were really close for a while but after so many years it's like she's still the same person she was when I first met her and I'm completely different. I don't wanna do the same stuff over and over, but I also don't wanna leave her behind me. I think I'm just gonna slowly wind down and try and great more boundaries between us, even though it kind of sucks. In the same 5 years I went back to school and got my degree, I started a new job, I moved cities twice, etc., but she's the exact same person I met 5 years ago.

No. 408807

>>408740
>>408754
not that anon but i have a similar issue and am scared that being weird in an aggressive way will make me lolcow-tier material

No. 408808

File: 1719266957448.jpg (179.25 KB, 1080x1119, 2f67548896182455ee7761ecd716c5…)

I feel like a kid asking this but, how do I slide into a guys DMs to ask him out/get him to ask ME out? There's this attractive guy who I met at a bar, we exchanged contacts but the conversation died quickly. He likes/reacts to my stories still though. I want to go on a date/have casual sex with him, but I'm not sure how to go on about it? Should I wait for him to reply to a story or should I text him first? I always get approached first and I have no experience initiating.

No. 408809

>>408807
I think if you’re scared of being a lolcow you’ll never actually be a lolcow.

No. 408810

>>408804
It sounds like she hasn’t done anything wrong. Am I reading that right? And you’ve grown close, right? Why does it have to be a whole thing where you block her out of your life just because she’s not doing the same things as you? This is seriously such a strange mindset to me. You don’t have to visit her every day, you don’t have to banish her from your life. Just hang out with her exactly as much as you feel like and send her a fucking birthday and Christmas card. It’s not that hard. I truly don’t get how you all approach friendships sometimes.

No. 408814

>>408810
Well, because I'm not addicted to drugs anymore. I truly don't get how you make all these assumptions about me and my life that aren't true based on a post that contains none of those details. I'm looking for advice about what I posted, not for random anons that think they know me better than I know myself to make shit up in their own head and then blame me for it.

No. 408826

>>408814
You never mentioned drugs even once. I’m literally going off of what you said which boiled down to “in the last five years I got a degree and a new job and I moved, and she didn’t”. Never once did you mentioned you know her because you were a former drug addict or you don’t like her because she’s a drug user and you’re sober now or whatever the fuck is going on here that has fucking triggered you that you didn’t ever fucking mention

No. 408829

>>408826
ntayrt, it is pretty fucking silly to assume she was going to "block her (friend) out of her life" when she explicitly even said
>just gonna slowly wind down and try and great more boundaries between us
She doesn't need to have specified the drugs part either but if you wanna play King Solomon so bad then you can go off and find your own baby to rip down the middle

No. 408833

>>408829
Thanks for understanding where I'm coming from. I really hate that so many anons on here try to take the moral high ground and make you feel bad for asking for advice.
>>408826
I didn't wanna mention drugs in my original post because it's embarrassing and also it's personal. I'm not "triggered" or whatever I'm just tired of anons like you talking down on others from your imaginary ivory towers acting like you're better than others for shit that you make up in your own head. If you don't have any advice to give, why post a mean-spirited comment to belittle me? It's rude and unnecessary.

No. 408834

>>408833
My comment literally was not mean, you were the one not making sense and posting like it was a dramatic decision you had to make when you had not described anything worth cutting her off. Come to find out it’s about drugs but you didn’t want to mention that. Makes a lot more sense. what’s the fucking point in asking for advice if you’re not gonna mention what is actually going on? It’s anonymous here anyway what are you embarrassed for.
You’re completely imagining me talking down to you, also. I never did that. You were hiding important details and I was honestly reacting to the info you had provided which frankly didn't make a lot of sense

No. 408836

>>408834
Ntayrt but your response was rude and wasn't advice stop getting butthurt that other nonas are calling you out for it kek

No. 408845

>>408829
>>408836
I’m not going to assume there’s a dramatic back story, sorry. You get advice based on what you post.

And, honestly, my advice still applies. Nona was being vague and dramatic while giving no details but she could still follow my advice and it would turn out fine. Nona liked her friend at some point, was close friends but feels she’s grown apart in life significantly? Fine. Then don’t meet up with her. Send her the appropriate greeting cards if you still hold fondness for her and see her if you want to sometimes, or don’t. Friendships are not supposed to be this calculated and there’s no reason to carefully taper off contact with someone or do that weird shit people do where they have friendship breakups unless you’re a psycho or they’re a psycho. Friendship withers pretty fast if you don’t nurture it. Greeting cards are good for keeping each other in your thoughts but not getting personally involved if your lives don’t mesh.

No. 408865

>>408754
oof but denim skirts are the only casual thing that seems to suit my body type… jeans kinda make me look like a sausage (i'm thin but pear shaped/big thighs) or totally boxy, like a boy kek

No. 408872

>>408865
I'm pear-shaped too, get low-ride jeans. Or flares, they balance out the big hips.

No. 408938

>>408865
You could stop dressing casually.
I’m really curious what kind of denim skirts you’re wearing because if you think jeans make your legs look like sausages or boxy because you’re pear shaped, how is a jean skirt not making you look like one big boxy denim bag and/or sausage? Unless your style is super bohemian/hippy or it’s a miniskirt, the jean skirts are definitely part of the problem (they scream “I unironically wore a purity ring recently please bully me”).

No. 408952

>>408938
i love your descriptions kek, they're more a-line/flared out than boxy thankfully. i used to wear a lot of cute floral dresses but then i just looked like a wannabe tradwife (and attracted freaks to match)

No. 408991

File: 1719323941939.jpeg (446.12 KB, 2123x1415, IMG_3396.jpeg)

>>408952
A denim skirt can signify you have body image issues / some general insecurities about yourself / think your body is shameful (modesty culture victim). It’s feminine but also hides everything. It signifies almost all the same things as the floral dresses but Now With Extra Modesty. Not to turn this into the fashion advice thread but you were asking why you give off a bully-me vibe even though you have boundaries you enforce, your clothes might be part of the reason. But if you love denim go ahead and keep wearing it, it’s not like we can actually fashion ourselves out of men being shit, there’s only so much clothes can do

No. 408993

>>408991
Oh and Samefag sorry but I wanted to ask if any of those images were like what you wear or if your style is something else?

No. 409057

A few months ago I developed a fear of writing text messages. It's stupid since I'm able to talk to people irl like normal, but when I have to answer those same people's texts my stomach starts hurting. How does one overcome an unreasonable fear like that?

No. 409067

>>408991
Seconding this, I'm a long skirt wearer and I avoid denim skirts for this reason. In my culture these are associated with puritan christian women. Nothing wrong with that, but I'm not that, so I don't wear them. Thick denim ones that cling to your body are the worst offender, something flowy and light might not be so bad

No. 409084

>>408742
the worst myth in the world is that you have to be extraverted to be confident. you're preemptively undermining yourself before even giving yourself the chance to feel confident.

No. 409087

>>408952
it sucks so bad that a lot of women have to give up cutesy kind of clothes because of the moids it attracts. i love florals , lace and dainty white blouses but it really is a freak magnet.. same thing with certain makeup styles (blushy , freckled etc). i hate it here

No. 409126

>>408993
I usually wear mini rather than midi skirts, otherwise i look super short for some reason. it sucks because midi skirts are really cute!

No. 409127

>>409087
same nonnie, i love florals, cute prints and lace too (basically 'coquette aesthetic' minus the weird ddlg connotations) but they make me look way younger and i just attract creeps that way

No. 409130

>>409126
>skinny
>pear shaped
>wears a-line denim minis
>not a doormat
>enforces own boundaries
>rich inner life, secrets are her own
Nona you don’t realize it but you’re already a Stacey. You just have to become one in your mind. It’s not that Stacey’s don’t get shit from moids, it just doesn’t bother them because they know it’s not their fault and they’re above caring about why do men do anything.

No. 409134

>>409126
denim minis are cute but what do you usually pair them with? depending on the styling and the right top it can look a little kiddy and bulliable or absolutely serve in a y2k way. i agree with other nona though , you are a stacy already lol you simply need to internalize that

No. 409136

>>409130
thank you nonna, i'll try and believe in myself more! i still don't think i'm a Stacey but maybe i'm closer than i thought. it helps that i understand moids a lot more now (know male attention is worthless, men are gross etc) and i've rediscovered a few of my cringe teenage hobbies

>>409134
i love simple v-neck sweaters, used to wear them with tshirts but that definitely looked to childish kek. i'm still wary of croptops because i hate being looked at/perceived, esp with all of the weirdos in my city, but they would look way cuter

No. 409138

>>408680
I just bought them the day sales opened for my trip window. Worked out fine, however this was in 2019 so I'm unsure how much busier it is now.

No. 409440

Not sure where to post this but is there some sort of unified, step-by-step, idiot-proof guide on how to be feminine? I spent most of my adolescence/young adulthood being not really butch but more just anti-femininity. But now I'm almost 24 and still have no sense of fashion, can’t walk in heels, can’t put on makeup, my only two hairstyles are down and ponytail. Hell, I can't even shave my legs right. Every time I try to look nice or feminine I end up looking totally ridiculous and feel like I'm wearing some ridiculous costume. Even things like my posture and gait make me feel mannish and hulking. Does anyone have good resources that will start from an absolute basic, beginner's, lipstick-goes-on-the-lips level?

No. 409442

>>409440
A lot of femininity is a costume. Why do you want to be feminine? To conform? To appeal to women? To men?

No. 409447

>>409440
download pinterest and make boards of things/makeup/outfits you find pretty and try to pinpoint what kind of feminine you wish to embody or find aesthetic , theres not a singulae way to be beautiful. yt tutorials are lifesavers for stuff like nails , hair etc etc you will suck at first but pratice makes perfect. keep your chin up and your shoulders back , pretend youre a marionette being pulled up by its head. experiment a lot! youll eventually settle into something that you find most comfortable and pretty in.

No. 409460

>>409440
There's not but you can find beginner tutorials for each individual thing with ease.

That said I think you're overestimating how many women participate in these hyper feminine costumes. Look around you, you'll most certainly see plenty of women who throw on jeans, a shirt and sneakers, don't wear makeup or very minimal makeup and only wear their hair down and you still perceive them as feminine.

No. 409499

>>409440
Look up kitchener essences, kibbe types and colour season analysis. They're useful for beginners with zero idea of what suits them. CurateYourStyle on Instagram has good advice on this area. You can also look up simple makeup and hairstyles on Pinterest. The Goddess Guide by fashion editor Gisele Scanlon is a handy guide on how to pick out good quality shoes, bags, etc. It was published in the 2000s but as someone who's also 24 I think a lot of the advice is still relevant and timeless. The Madame Chic series by Jennifer L Scott is also great, although it focuses on living well and embracing femininity in general rather than just fashion.

No. 409501

>>409499
Samefag, for your posture issues you should watch Jamila Musayeva on YouTube. She's made a few videos on how to walk with good posture and pose elegantly, etc

No. 409520

>>409499
The only thing here worth mentioning is color seasons, because that's just color theory. Kibbe is a moid and the body types are really arbitrary. the essences are just turbonormie shit. There's more than 7 fashion styles. Every woman is feminine just by being herself. If you're reading the equivalent of calculus textbooks just to be a woman in the acceptable, decidedly correct way, you're a beta. Nona should really figure out why she wants to be feminine before she looks into any of this. All of the advice you're giving her is only good if she just wants to conform with the acceptable normie image of women decided by male CEOs. You don't need hours of research and facepainting practice to look feminine.
>>409501
No moid has ever given this much of a shit about his posture literally ever. This is kind of depressing.
>>409440
You sound like you're getting dysphoria from lolcow kek. No woman is hulkish. Go outside and look at what other women are wearing. It usually isn't heels and heavy makeup. Shaving is a frivolous time wasting activity to encourage conformity and submission in women. Please work on your self esteem, I really don't think this is the correct way to view yourself.

No. 409549

>>394709
When I was where you are (at the end of the worst times, and the beginning of the good ones), I felt similarly overwhelmed with possibility. One thing that really got my head on straight was to take a break from all my news, pop culture and comedy podcasts, and at work for a couple months all I did was listen to pirated editions of The Great Courses. You can find them yourself easily on Pirate Bay, or just try the month long free trial on the Great Courses app, but it's just a service that invites acclaimed college instructors to give recorded lectures on their subjects. I listened to everything I found interesting, from linguistics to botany, but what helped me most were the intro to philosophy courses.
It's going to sound corny, but I felt so affirmed by one in particular, for obvious reasons: Meaning of Life: Perspectives from the World's Great Intellectual Traditions by Jay L. Garfield, Ph.D. NOT because I immediately adopted any of the philosophies introduced in the course, but because I had been so starved for straight forward, adult conversation about things that actually mattered, more or less in private since none of my friends had any interest in a 30 hour long audio course. It's really affirming to hear someone approach really big questions about the universe without using juvenile internet speech or references to current events and discourse. I think you can get this experience from any number of places, such as a challenging new hobby or something, but basically you need to give yourself permission to embrace how huge everything is right now, while focusing on the small things under your control.
Books in general about nature and science, and just following my interests really saved me. I spent a lot of my depression years killing myself over huge problems I couldn't fix, but in reality you and I have a lot more power over our world than we realize when we're deliberately burying our heads out of terror. For example, climate change was a huge trigger for anxiety spirals for me, but between meds, therapy, and philosophy I learned to cope, to research, and I found out things that give me not just hope but make me excited about the future. So, a small thing I control (my understanding of current green tech, my mastery of CBT techniques, etc) conquered a big thing that used to paralyze me.
Don't beat yourself up if you don't find the right way to taper bad habits or build good ones. From now on, there isn't you "failing" a new method, you just found that method doesn't work for you. Example: my mental health is better when I read everyday. Setting page counts is tedious, so I don't do it. So, I read one chapter of something per day…. and I always have a "cheat book", some fiction or coffee table book that has short chapters so I always have a manageable goal on days where I'm tired. If it works it works!
Finally: just don't drink on your meds, its not worth it. Good luck nonna, you have a lot of exciting opportunities to learn ahead of you.

No. 409605

>>409520
She asked for ideas on styling herself as someone with no sense of style, not for an essay on your opinions about whether femininity is good or bad kek. 2x is over there. Also kek at thinking watching a couple of YouTube videos and reading articles with basic advice on dressing for your body and colouring is anything like reading calculus textbooks

No. 409630

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Nonnas, I’ve been reading a lot of true crime lately and now I’m unironically terrified I’m going to get brutally raped, murdered, and left in a ditch to die every time I leave my house. Hell, I live alone and don’t have a bf so a serial killer could easily break in (I can’t afford a security system or cameras). I am very petite and frail so if someone were to attack me, I’m fucked. What makes things worse is my job is making me pick up nights (I’m a nurse), and every time my shift ends I have to walk through a dark parking lot to get to my car.
How do I tell myself to stop fearing a random moid will jump from the shadows and murder me? Or fearing I have a secret stalker and they’re living in my attic? It’s bordering on paranoia, honestly.

No. 409633

>>409630
getting jumped isn't a choice but living in fear is.

No. 409635

>>409630
Stop living in America?

No. 409639

>>409633
That's the hoodest thing I've read in /g/

No. 409642

>>409630
Stop consuming true crime.
>don’t have a bf
Men in your life statistically pose more danger than strangers so technically you're safer without a bf.

Maybe carry a self defense weapon/tool or one of those alarm keychains.

No. 409646

>>409642
If anything true crime was an eye opener to me because a lot of missing women get disappeared by their male partners.

No. 409697

>>409630
I get it nonna, it's incredibly black pillingif you're not careful. And you're not wrong to feel this way even if, as many people are going to tell you, its a numbers game at the end of the day. It's weirdy fashionable in progressive circles to act like women (anyone really) who are concerned about being targeted for violence are neurotic fantastists somehow masterminding all the prejudices of the world with their fears.
But, it IS a numbers game. Remember that the cases that stick with you, the ones where an attack came out of nowhere or a partner was a serial killer, are so interesting to talk about because they are so unusual.
Domestic violence is of course no unusual. This is why you should have your own money most of all.
Finally, remember that wifebeaters and woman killers are the shock troops of patriarchy. They WANT us scared in the home. I've never met a woman more scared of stepping out of her front door than when I worked with one who had never really been meaningfully allowed to because of religion. They used that reasonable fear to make sure she never got to experience the things that make the risk worth it. And of course, her inability to make it in the world, and take those risks on unknown moids, make her a perfect victim for the men in her life most likely to hurt her, her male family.

No. 410214

>>393926
>>409639

truly gangsta af

No. 410412

File: 1719703409325.jpg (76.61 KB, 581x534, feacddc25715cbbc244ed77ac38421…)

While I'm waiting to go back to my psychologist, I'd like to know if any of you nonnas have tips for this: around 4 years ago, a scrote I was kind of friends with at work love bombed me (I had quite low self-esteem and was very unexperienced at the time) and I thought I had to give him a chance. I didn't realize what he was doing and thought he really meant well.
He wasn't even close to my type. Although he had an alright face, he was balding and fat. Not to mention he was pretty older than me. I ignored all that. Once the covid lockdowns got less strict, I visited him and vice-versa. My parents disliked him and the same goes to my friends.
This lasted around 4 months, until I got fed up with his negativity, laziness and the way he seemingly wanted to start isolating me from people. I was pretty depressed by then and thought he was just pulling me down further. I blocked him everywhere and that's it.
The thing is, whenever I think about this period of my life, I feel sick. Despite the situation being bizarre, I can't even make fun of it. I feel guilty for allowing that person into my life and that I subjected my family and friends to this. I already spoke about my feelings to these people and they always tell me to relax and not get stressed over this anymore.
I feel disgust towards myself, even though I understand I was pretty young and really believed his intentions.
It's not frequent for me to think about this, but when I do, all those bad feelings come up. He didn't straight up abuse me, so I don't understand why I feel like this. I just want this to go away and see this whole situation in a lighter way.

No. 410417

>>410412
It’s not light, sorry. He was a bad person and you are right to feel bothered by the fact that this happened. You should not beat yourself up by any means but you also should not try to change this memory into a lighthearted thing. You got tricked because you were naive. Don’t mentally “sweep it under the rug”, you can learn from this and it’s important to learn from it so you can mature and be less naive in the future. You did nothing wrong, he did.

No. 410422

>>410417
I really appreciate your reply. That situation was my last straw for shitty relationships, and I feel I know what to look for now. I'll keep trying to not beat myself up anymore, and won't force myself to twist this into something it's not.
Thank you so much.

No. 410426

>>410422
I hope your future encounters are better. You have to watch out for these guys. You see it mentioned here a lot but it’s important to not entertain men who you are not even attracted to. You believed the love bombing because you’re an honest person if naive but you forgot the part where it doesn’t matter if he loves you to the ends of the earth if you don’t love him back. You were not even attracted to him. Value yourself more. The man’s feelings (which sometimes are not even true like with this lovebombing) do not trump your taste or desires, ever.

No. 410452

>>410412
I understand how you feel nona. I’ve met men in my life that I decided to give chances to, even though my better judgment told me not to or there were tons of reasons to deter these guys from being the way they were. Yet they still ended up making the situation shitty or weird despite my best efforts to assert boundaries or hold them accountable. Your decent intentions are the thing to focus on when forgiving yourself and letting it go. Be glad it didn’t end up worse and that you snapped out of it before he made you dependent on him.

No. 410473

>>410426
Thanks, I also hope so! LC has been quite helpful with that, I don't want to date anyone just "for their personality" anymore. No more charity work, lol

>>410452
I'm so sorry you went through something similar. I'll keep those things in mind! I'm also glad it didn't last long.

Thanks a lot you two, I'll remember what you said whenever the bad thoughts pop up. I feel calmer now.

No. 410515

Have you ever moved out with your cats? Is it better to find a permanent solution or changing flats after 6 months because it would be more convenient to me? They're pretty old too so maybe I should leave them with my mom I'm being egoistic…

No. 410537

>>410515
If they are old and your mom is happy to take care of them you should leave them with your mom for the good of the cats.
I have moved with my cats a few times and they hate it but I’m the only one who can take care of them so we’re all we’ve got. It’s totally doable to move but it’s very stressful (especially if they have never moved before and they’re old) and if they already live with your mom I would let them stay with her, that’s their home.

No. 410582

>>410515
if they are comfortable with your mother and she can take proper care of them the kindest thing may be to let them stay there.

No. 411076

Nonnas please I need your advice. How do I cope with being behind my peers and taking much longer than expected to finish my education (if I even manage to do so)? I'm currently 23 years old and still doing my bachelors in engineering in a hard university. And I'm not even close to graduating, I'll have to take an extra year because of failing classes because I never really learned how to learn so I'm having huge difficulties. I can fix this by doing my best to learn how to study properly but even then, if I actually manage to do it I'll receive my bachelor when I'm 27 and I can't help but feel so insecure about it especially considering I'm seeing people who are already doing their masters at 22 or even 21. This is what hurts the most, the fact that I can't go back in time and fix my mistakes. I don't want to sound dramatic but the regret is ruining my life, it makes me feel so shit because there's nothing I can do about it, I can't time travel. I don't feel any pleasure in my life anymore because right now the main goal of my live is getting degrees but I'm failing so I feel like shit. My parents are trying to be helpful by telling me it's ok to fail exams and what matters is that I tried my best but I'm having a very hard time believing them because they're constantly making comments behind my sister's back how she's "running late" if I can say so (she's 26 right now and getting her masters degree). I also feel very uncomfortable when other students ask me how old I am and when I tell them my age most of them assume I've already got my bachelors. I know comparison is the thief of joy but this doesn't stop me from feeling that I'll forever be behind (most of) my peers because of graduating much later than them. I'd be very thankful for any advice because the regret is eating me alive and it makes me feel so bad that just thinking about the situation makes me cry.

No. 411084

>>411076
I was literally in your exact situation and graduated at 26 with a CS degree. I failed through school from 19-22 because of undiagnosed mental health issues and felt insecure for the rest of my academic career because of it, but the truth is the only opinion that matters is your own. I got a job and things worked out and regret how feeling like shit about being """old""" really only held me back from opportunities. I also had family members and friends talk shit about how I was falling behind despite the fact that many of them were on different life paths than me (whether they were doing easier majors, or had generational wealth/resources that helped them graduate early, or decided to forgo higher education to start a family). It's not a big deal to graduate past 22, especially for engineering, and it only harms you to let other people make you feel bad about it. Like I can't empathize enough how little grades matter if you carry yourself with high self esteem and get your degree. Just don't listen to other people and have faith in yourself and finish your degree at your own pace. You've got like 40+ years to work and then retire, it doesn't matter if you graduate a few years late. My only advice is to apply to internships.

No. 411085

>>411076
I'm 27 and need another year to get my bachelor degree so I think I know what you're talking about. I used to feel the same, very embarassed about being behind my peers and especially watching my friends finish their degrees and starting full-time schooled jobs or masters when I wasn't. But here's something I eventually realized: their lives aren't significantly more enjoyable than mine is just because they're working full-time or studying for their master degrees. They wake up, eat, go to uni or work, chill afterwards and go to sleep again, so do I. They have food, a warm place to go home to and and a warm bed to sleep in and friends and social lives, so do I. Does that makes sense? You may be behind in terms of what milestones you're generally expected to have reached by your age, but your day to day life probably isn't significantly worse or less comfortable than theirs is. So does it really matter THAT much that you're still working on your bachelors right now? Everything that's making you feel like shit are abstract expectations and norms and values that come from outside yourself, not the actual quality of your day to day life. I wasn't unhappy because my life was shitty, it wasn't, I was unhappy because of how I assumed other people around me perceived me and my (lack of) accomplishments and felt embarassed about that. I hope this makes sense and not just in my mind.

Another thing I've come to realize is that the education system is "one size fits all" except it doesn't fit all because we aren't all the same and we don't all come in the same yet we expect this one default system to work for millions of people. No wonder some people struggle and take longer! I've come to a point where I think the financial loss from the additional years spent in education is a larger regret than the feeling of being behind in itself is, but you're going to be an engineer anyway so you probably won't have many financial concerns in the long term.

That said starting your masters at 22 isn't the norm. The average age for getting your masters is late 20s to early 30s, neither you nor your sister are late in that regard.

No. 411128

Incredibly stupid situation (don’t judge pls)
>pretend to have crush on married[male] boss because I don’t want anyone to find out I’m a lesbian
>actually develop feelings for him because I’m very lonely
>become more bold with my flirting hoping that he shuts me down once and for all
>he keeps entertaining my inappropriate behaviour

I actually like working with my team overall do quitting is not an option. What do I do?

No. 411130

>>411128
You move on from your stupid 'crush' and quit the inappropriate behaviour? Wtf anon.

No. 411131

>>411130
Okay. Do you think I have convincingly played a heterosexual?

No. 411133

>>411131
Girl… get the fuck out, you can’t be serious.

No. 411137

>>411131
idk but you're more convincingly playing a massive dumbass nonny

No. 411142

>>411128
Typical bi moment

No. 411145

>>411084
>>411085
I'm ayrt, thank you both so much nonnies, I really needed to hear this. You're absolutely right that most of the people who tell me I'm falling behind have either done much easier majors in very easy universities or stopped pursuing their higher education so they can start a family.
> Everything that's making you feel like shit are abstract expectations and norms and values that come from outside yourself, not the actual quality of your day to day life. I wasn't unhappy because my life was shitty, it wasn't, I was unhappy because of how I assumed other people around me perceived me and my (lack of) accomplishments and felt embarassed about that.
This is exactly how I feel but you said it better than I could. Society (and also relatives') expectations aren't always realistic but sometimes it's hard not to let them get to you and internalize them when you hear them many times over the years. But you both are right that I need to study at my own pace. The education system and its "planned schedule" isn't made for me but that is okay. I'll take things one step at a time.
Thank you nonnas once again, I really can't overstate how much better you made me feel!

No. 411161

>>411128
I've heard way less gossip over the 'are they gay or not' people in workplaces than over the straight people who get way too comfortable talking about sex or flirting on the job. It's never bring sex to work day unless you work somewhere real dodgy.

No. 411166

>>411076
23 is a perfectly normal age to start studying in my country, lots of people take several gap years before getting into in-demand programs like med school for example.
>I'm seeing people who are already doing their masters at 22 or even 21
No offense but they either have terrible prison warden parents or are studying something easy. I know a girl with 3 master's degrees but she studied theater, music and a third music-related degree.
> I also feel very uncomfortable when other students ask me how old I am and when I tell them my age most of them assume I've already got my bachelors
You shouldn't have to, but it's okay to lie about your age to avoid bullying and invasive questions. Actually I sincerely think it's perfectly fine to lie to strangers about age, nationality, race etc if they're too nosy and ask things you don't wanna answer. If you just say "I prefer not to say" they will assume the worst.

I got my master's at 30 because I had spent most of my 20s trying to become financially independent and cut off my parents who beat me like a mule daily when I lived with them. I got a job in my field immediately after and I'm not really behind anymore, nor does anyone care. I spent a whole decade crying about being too old for this and that but the years went by anyway and ultimately nobody cared, nor is my personal life trajectory anyone's business but my own.

No. 411850

i suck at getting what I want and often come off badly in social situations, do any extroverted anons have any tips?

No. 411994

>>411166
Ayrt and I'm sorry for the late response but thank you for your advice nonna! I'm really sorry to hear about the way your parents treated you but I salute you for achieving the goal to get your masters despite the shitty circumstances and unsupportive family. And I'm happy to hear you got a job right after graduating too!
>You shouldn't have to, but it's okay to lie about your age to avoid bullying and invasive questions.
I hadn't considered it but I should try, it will probably work because whenever gross moids ask me how old I am I tell them I'm 17 and they leave me alone immediately kek.
>the years went by anyway and ultimately nobody cared, nor is my personal life trajectory anyone's business but my own
You're absolutely right nonnie. I'll lead a very miserable life if I spend it comparing myself to others and not following my dreams because I think I'm too old/late for them. My life is my business only and that's it. Thank you so much nonna.

No. 413046

File: 1720496086013.png (346.11 KB, 500x491, 1634844090775.png)

Looking for advice from bi/les nonnies in particular or anyone with a fucked up brain, specifically BPD (as a BPDchan myself). I'm in self-driven anachan recovery with a BMI of probably around 15 and have decided that after 2-3 years of being very isolated that I want to date/hookup again and basically go out and party. I bought tickets to a pride party and "queer rave" afterparty taking place at the end of the month but I don't know anyone to go with. Kinda bombing on dating apps as well so I really don't know who I could go with and I have a nightmare image in my head of being surrounded by crowds of people with their friends and nobody speaking to me. Is it a wise decision to muster up all my courage and go alone? Ideal scenario would be going, meeting some cute women and possibly making out or hooking up, but I'm not sure this is very realistic. I also have some visible scarring on my arms and I don't know how off-putting that might be. How do I best approach this looming situation? I think if I don't go I might regret it, but any advice is welcome.

No. 413049

File: 1720497441178.png (18.98 KB, 727x708, bitch.png)

I bought two different items from an ebay seller, asked for combined shipping so I could save a little $, and got this in response… What should I do nona's? Honestly, I got a great deal - so I don't want to push this, but I really don't appreciate being taken for an idiot because I sell on ebay too and I know this seller's playing stupid.

No. 413074

How do I start caring about something? I’m so devoid of personality

No. 413464

>>413049
wherever it said there was free shipping, screenshot it and send that to ebay support and say you were promised free shipping. you don't have to deal with this person if they're gonna lie.

No. 413771

Do you think my boss at my accounting job knows I have a cocaine clique?

No. 413991

Neither of my friends have ever gotten a job and don't plan to. So the past few times we've gone out to eat, I've covered the tab. I feel like its my fault for offering to cover the first few times, but I've covered every tab since. I have a hard time believing theyre unaware of what they're doing. Has anyone been in a similar situation? How do I approach the topic or is it even worth discussing it with them?

No. 414002

>>413991
I think it's nice of you to offer to cover for them, but they're leeching off of you at this point. There's no way they don't have any money. The fact that they're not even planning on getting a new job is a red flag too. Don't make any plans with them at restaurants. Go to the park or something free instead if you want to. Hang out at each other's houses. Honestly, make comments about how money is tight and you're not comfortable with eating out. Hope you figure something out, nona.

No. 414007

>>413991
Next time you plan a meal out, say "by the way I'm not covering the tab again." You can tell them you straight up can't afford it or that you're saving up for something if you want an excuse. If that makes them cancel the restaurant outing then so be it, go do something else together. Just tell them ahead of time so you're not put on the spot like you did something wrong and now they're hungry (not your problem still but better to avoid that awkward scenario).
It is very weird behavior on their part to go out to eat with you and expect you to pay. You did not cause this but you absolutely should put a stop to it. How have they never had a job? How old are you all? If they are over 18 then you should consider dropping them as friends because this is wild exploitative behavior, they're straight up being leeches, do not put up with this.

No. 414041

>>413991
They're leeches and not your friends

No. 414107

>>393927
Late very late, but I just wanted to say I relate strongly to having a mother like that and being completely uneducated on anything touchy, bras, periods, sex, anything. It makes you feel so odd. Maybe you could try a T shirt bra, and see if you like how it feels? I wear bras as sort of outerwear, ie. not around the house but out and about, partly for modesty partly support. There are very good guides on how to measure yourself up on reddit, if you don't want a fitting in a store. Sometimes your breasts are not the right shape for the bra, if so try another brand. I hope this helps nonnita

No. 414149

>>393927
Also late but branon, use this quiz to find your bra size! All you need is a soft measuring tape (or a string and a ruler).
https://www.abrathatfits.org/calculator.php

No. 414490

should I follow my old crush on IG? He was from way back in elementary school and I was ugly back then, I had a bit of a glow up now kek. Iirc we did get close for a bit in junior high (we went to different schools for junior high), but it didn't go anywhere of course cuz we were like 12. we're both 26 now. I had a dream about him a few days ago and I was about to get my period so my hormones were acting up. I looked him up on IG and he looked average, but not bad, still would. also I wanna know his birthday and shit so I could read his birth chart.

No. 414491

>>414490
Sure, why not.

No. 414668

I’m temporarily acting as the supervisor for a call centre. My team member turns up 5-10 minutes late everyday but the boss the next level up is not doing anything about it even though she can see the team member is late everyday.
She isn’t normally late but might be doing this because she doesn’t respect me.

No. 414674

>>414668
most jobs have a grace period of 5-10 minutes where being late is not an actionable offense. have you looked at the handbook / policy? that's a nitpicky thing to get on their ass about to be honest.
speaking from experience, I've been a supervisor/manager before and fired people for being late. I wish I had not. it was within the rules of the handbook and my boss wanted me to but it was a nightmare to replace them and I did a lot of covering their shifts in the interim and somehow the worst offenders aways went over my head to the boss with a sob story and stayed employed with special exception after exception anyway. is this really worth it? if they're doing their job let it go.
Also, she's probably not ignoring it because she doesn't respect you or something silly like that, she's probably not doing anything because writing progressive discipline paperwork is a pain in the ass and if you do it wrong and the employee sues the company for wrongful termination or drags corporate HR into unemployment hearings where a legal team scrutinizes the documents you wrote up, it comes back on you hard if you made a mistake. not to mention that you have to hire and train replacements for everyone you fire and there's no guarantee the new people won't be late fucks too.

No. 414688

>>414668
double reply sorry: She also might be putting it off because if it's a lot of people she would legally have to write them all up and apply the progressive discipline evenly to all or she would put the company at liability of a discrimination lawsuit for singling out certain people (yes, even if that was not her intention it just has to look that way). and writing them all up and potentially firing them at the same time would create an insane headache of needing to replace them all at the same time.
If you want to put your HR Bitch pants on (I've done it many times, no judgement) you could suggest she write up a "policy refresher" type document or you could even do it for her if you want brownie points. Basically just copy/paste the time and attendance policy from the handbook on a single page and meet with every employee briefly to review it (read it to them out loud) and you both sign and date it. This document basically means nothing because they already signed off on the handbook when they got hired; it just serves as a reminder of the policy on paper and signing things like that tends to scare people straight. put some shit at the end that's like "I hereby agree to comply with the time and attendance policy from [company handbook] outlined above. I understand said policy is subject to change and agree to comply with all updates to said policy in any future versions of [company handbook]. I understand failure to comply with the time and attendance policy may result in progressive discipline up to and including termination."

god, I just got fucking flashbacks writing that kek I don't miss that job. I'm telling you it's not worth it to get on their ass about this if they are doing their job otherwise. time & attendance terminations are usually done when someone is doing such a bad job you want to fire them but writing up paperwork for job performance issues is harder and murkier, time and attendance terminations are more clear-cut and less likely to lose if challenged.

No. 414690

>>414674
>>414688
Thanks for the advice. I wanted to act tough since I’m worried about being perceived as a pushover.

No. 414693

>>414690
Yeah I can understand that. You need the policy and your upper management to back you up though or you look even more powerless for being bothered and nothing happening. Plus these are real people who have to feed themselves so it's better not to try to get them fired as long as they do the work. Don't give yourself unnecessary work like writing people up for being late if you don't have to, the boss above you not caring is like permission to give no fucks yourself. Save the email you hopefully wrote where you notified her of the issue (always have an email chain for stuff like this, to cover your own ass in case she blames you) and don't worry about it.
Also sorry I was reading too fast and misunderstood a couple parts of your post. Thought it was your boss you were worried didn't respect you and I for some reason I was thinking it was was more than one person who was late which is why I suggested the policy refresher. My bad. You could still do a policy refresher but you'd have to have everyone sign it to avoid discrimination claims. If I were you I would probably just have a brief meeting with this person, ask them why they have been running late recently and ask them to get it together before they get in trouble. Write meeting minutes style notes on the convo and you both sign off on it, put it in the employee file. Done.

No. 414841

Im in my midtwenties and I realized Im closer to being in my 30s. Im scared because I havent achieved anything yet. I keep applying to jobs but no ones responding and I've failed my love life 2x now this year. I feel so beat down and broken and all I can do is just cry these past few months. Does life get better? Will I find the love I deserve? Will the job I want finally respond to me? My midtwenties suck so hard

No. 414844

Strongly considering dating apps because at this point I'll never meet someone organically, however I don't want to put pictures on my profile because I'm not comfortable with my face going wherever (especially with AI shit), is possible to create an account without my face? If I do am I condemned to only score ugly moids who can't do better than a blank face?

No. 414849

Can gay men be catty towards women because they’re envious?

No. 414851

>>414841
I can't guarantee things will get better but I hope you find comfort in knowing that your 20s are for trial and error. Failed relationships or not being able to find a job in this economy is nothing out of the ordinary. Things might not have worked out for you so far but don't take that as a sign things won't work out at all, for all you know you might have a great job and wonderful relationship by summer next year.

No. 414871

Now that I'm 28 should I refuse to date men who are minimally employed and unambitious? In all of my previous relationships I dated guys who were unemployed for most of the relationship, or were freelance and earning barely any money. I'm not a materialistic person but it's frustrating having an income disparity and having to lower expectations for my birthday gifts from them, being unable to go on joint holidays because my partner can't afford to, etc.

No. 414873

>>414849
yes. they can be catty bitches to women

No. 414874

>>414873
samefag but it could be out of either envy or mysogyny. some of them are jealous, some of them hate women.

No. 414875

>>414844
I think you need at least one picture of your face. If I'm on an app and I can't see your face I'm swiping left, sorry. I would assume they're not showing it because they're disfigured or something. People need to know if there's a basic level of attraction before talking to you. It may be lame but that's just the way it is

No. 414879

>>414871
Yes, it's good to have standards. A relationship should add value to your life, not make it more difficult/less enjoyable.

No. 414882

>>414871
yes hobosexual men are looking to leech off a richer girlfriend. no one talks about male gold diggers but they certainly exist.

No. 414884

>>414874
Nta but the gay man at my work is nice to some women but not others (including me). I’m not homophobic in fact I’m bisexual so idk what I did to make it into his bad books?

No. 414915

so is a 20 minute drive (40 minutes per day) “exhausting”? i can’t drive and my mom doesn’t work so she takes me to work and picks me up. in return i’m currently paying rent (to her, as she owns the place), bills, etc. entertainment costs for us. all that said the house has a rat problem now because she won’t fucking clean, she claims she’s super exhausted from ferrying me around but that sounds like bullshit. it is, right? she has enough energy to go out shopping or hanging out with her friends and gardening. but not enough to do the dishes or clean up her dirty yogurt cups? bs.

i should note that the house was spotless (or as spotless as it can get with her hoarding habits) before i got my 8 to 7. it’s 8 to 5 on paper but often i have to do overtime
>get a car/license
neither of these things are possible for me.
>take the bus
i intend to, once my office moves downtown. as it is now i can’t get there without a car
>uber
no uber will come to the sticks

No. 414923

File: 1721060788072.jpg (49.46 KB, 650x650, bRelGpgQ67.jpg)

To any nonny that has successfully let go of a grudge / hatred / resentment of a person for what they did to you, please, bless me with your advice.

No. 415190

>>414851
thank you nona love you

No. 415206

How do I stop getting anxious with driving? I should be practicing with my mom but every excuse is a good one, and now we're paying lots for me so I'm worrying that if I make an accident to pay for I'll completely ruin all my life plans. I don't want to touch a car anymore.

No. 415208

>>415206
Even though I've had my license for years im still anxious about driving (but tbh I'm anxious about everything), BUT something that helps put me at ease is knowing that people way stupider and more incompetent than me drive every day, so how hard could it really be?

No. 415214

>>415206
I used to feel the same way, I even had to take a special exam for people who have failure anxiety to pass my driving exam lol. In my experience the anxiety becomes less over time as you gain more experience and confidence, and yeah that unfortunately means getting in the car and driving even when you're anxious about it. Starting out in places that aren't busy and have infrastructure that's easy to take in before moving on to busier places, high speeds and lots of crossing lanes etc. definitely helped.

No. 415237

File: 1721135035711.jpeg (65.27 KB, 488x488, IMG_4380.jpeg)

Y’all, this is less personal advice than anything else, but I have no idea where else I should post this but I recently learned that pads have carcinogens and arsenic in them, and as someone who stopped using tampons after learning it can cause toxic shock I thought I was doing the ‘safer’ option, but this just makes me question if these companies that make these products put them in on purpose to harm women. If any of you use like, organic cotton/reusable pads please RECOMMEND me some.

No. 415313

>>415237
The risk of getting toxic shock syndrome is almost nihil if you remove your tampon every 6-8 hours at latest. It used to be a legitimate risk back when tampons were too absorbant decades ago, but they're much safer now.

That said you can get handmade reusable pads from etsy, that way you don't support big corporations profiting off women's menstrual cycles.

No. 415315

>>415237
Disposable tampons and pads both contain lead and arsenic due to the way cotton is grown commercially. Organic cotton ones contain more arsenic, the regular ones more lead kek. Google it.

No. 415329

>>415237
Toxic shock syndrome is incredibly rare, it's not like if you leave a tampon is for more than 7 hours you will automatically get it and die. Now obviously you shouldn't leave it in longer than recommended, but I have heard countless stories of women forgetting tampons inside them for literally days, and nothing happened except it was very smelly kek.

No. 415401

>>415237
honestly all pads and tampons are bad. the cotton has either lead or arsenic in it depending on if it's organic or not, and pads have plastic and adhesive to make them stick to your panties. not to mention the heavy metals. i use cora brand pads as they were the best i could find, and my period went from bad cramps and 5 days of bleeding to light cramps only during the first day, and 2 days of bleeding, but even they have polyethylene and polymers. i reccomend looking for a brand that doesn't use titanium dioxide and has a short ingredient list, and then looking online for a reusable pad made of bamboo or cotton if you can't find bamboo. don't use amazon, find a small seller like mensesense dot com and be prepared to shell out for the quality. i'm using disposable pads until i can buy a pack of reusable ones. a menstrual cup might also be good for you if you liked tampons, but i wholeheartedly think you shouldn't put anything up there because the chemicals may leach into your skin

No. 415562

Is your mom making jokes about you being a sex worker just banter?

No. 415596

>>415562
I would say no, but I've met families with dark/inappropriate humor before, so maybe it depends on what's normal in your family.

No. 415605

>>415562
No, wtf. Only if you made the same "joke" in response and she took it as banter as well.

No. 415615

>>415562
Depends on the context? Are you a sex worker?

No. 415807

Is it worth trying to repair family bonds? I will try not to ramble, but essentially I have been a social outcast in my entire family, on both sides, due to my parents being schizoids and starting drama. Since I'm their kid I'm just collateral damage. I'm getting older, and I'm beginning to feel like it should be important that I try and form normal family bonds that nearly everyone else seems to have. My parents lied to me a lot about my extended family members, and I sometimes I think it would be nice to get to know my family on my terms and not my parents'.
A few months ago, I reached out to a cousin of mine that had mutual friends with me on social media. She barely remembered who I was at first. But I tried not to let that upset me, since we seemed to have a lot in common and we are close in age. We eventually traded numbers. We live in different states, and I actually have to travel to her state for work in a few weeks, so I reached out to her and asked if she wanted to hang out. She said yes. But now I am starting to realize it's only me that ever initiates conversation, and me who talks the most when we do talk. She will take days to respond back with a simple emoji. I can't tell if I am just annoying her and she's sort of throwing me a bone, or if we just don't know each other well enough yet so she doesn't care to invest in conversation. I do realize it's sort of cringe to just try and shove myself into her life after so long, and I'm sort of starting to backtrack on wanting to reconnect or even see her. I can't decide if it's worth trying to meet up in a few weeks, or just flake. I guess maybe I'm afraid of her doing all this for pity, since the entire family sort of sees me as a stunted, sheltered retard and judges me through my parents and not for myself.

No. 416054

>>415807
i would go there and see if it‘s the same or if it will feel more like a two-way street. then pass her the ball and let her initiate the next conversation or invite. if she doesn‘t do anything at all, then it doesn‘t make sense to hold on to it. and if you feel bad because you‘ve never been in the other family members lives, you could say, i assume they also know that your parents are batshit. if it‘s not just that cousin and you have other family members you‘d like to contact, definitely do that. maybe they are normal and it‘s nice to have someone in your family where you are somehow close and feel stable with. you can‘t help what your parents are like and you can meet whoever you want on your own terms and take your life into your hands. good luck, nonna

No. 416061

>>415807
>only me that ever initiates conversation, and me who talks the most when we do talk. She will take days to respond back with a simple emoji.
To be brutally honest, she's not interested in maintaining contact, she's doing the bare minimum she can get away with without blatantly ghosting you. Sorry anon.

No. 416135

>>415807
>or if we just don't know each other well enough yet so she doesn't care to invest in conversation.
My advice here is: don't flake. Meet her. See where it goes.
Thinking about it from her perspective you're a stranger with very faint family bonds and she probably knows of your parent's situation, so she might think you are similar. Her life is complete, anon, it's not like yours. You are the one that needs family bonds, hers are probably fulfilled. I'll be honest and say she doesn't care much, but you need to complete this quest and not flake because flaking will only make you more sad, defeatism is comfortable but not what you need in this case. Maybe she's not the family member who will be the closest to you, but making an effort to meet her will open the way to meet more family members. Unfortunately some people are like that, but don't give up in your search for family. I say this as someone with 0 family bonds myself.

No. 416146

How the fuck can I stop eating so much just before my period??? I'm eating like a hambeast every month but only during my luteal phase. This cannot be good for me but I don't know how to curb my appetite

No. 416152

My Nigel has in the past few months developed really bad hypochondria and I have no idea how to handle it. We’ve been together for over 3 years and we’ve been through a lot together (car crash, job losses on both our ends, moving across the country) but I feel like this might be our breaking point. Do any of you nonnies have loved ones who suffer from illness anxiety disorder and if so how do you handle it? For various annoying reasons neither of us are able to see a mental health specialist.

No. 416163

How to deal with domineering people in the workplace?

No. 416167

>>416152
it’s a severe condition that only mental health professionals can solve unless free online resources with technical and stuff don’t make a difference. you don’t have any access to mental health resources? not even online?

No. 416178

>>416146
I want to know this too but my current strat has just been accepting it. As long as I honor my hunger, it eventually balances out once my period starts. Trying to compensate was making my period irregular and keeping me in the ravenous state.

No. 416230

>>416167
He is seeing an online counselor but it’s expensive, so we haven’t been consistent with it. I was just hoping to learn how to get better at handling it as a partner. I’ve noticed myself invalidating him a lot and being condescending because he’s always convinced his tiny ailments are stage 4 cancer. It’s very difficult to talk him out of his slumps and I feel so drained. I was looking for self-help books on the topic but I haven’t found much.

No. 416253

>>416146
you probably need to eat different things. the body just signals "hungry" when it wants certain nutrients until it gets those nutrients or until you're so full you can't eat.

No. 416367

(copied a bit from vent thread) I want to start cross dressing and presenting as male. We should have been born male. I don't believe women have any innate empathy for each other like they do for men. No one gives a fuck about women, not even other women. Every day I see women become doormats for men who abused their ex gfs, violent misogynists, or vocally denounce women for being emotional and toxic. Everywhere in history men have banned women from everything and just raped them endlessly. We have almost no female role models, meaningful companionship, or history. Being a man wouldn't fix all of my problems, but I bet it would fix almost half. We truly lost the coin flip at birth. I'm ugly enough to pass as male, I've seriously thought about it. I'm still thinking about it. I think about all the abuse I and other women would have never endured if we were born male. I'll be crucified for this but I don't care. Each day that passes I want to "transition" more and more. I don't care that it's retarded. I don't care if I'm betraying other women. I don't care about not being a "real man" (though I'm decently confident I could pass), I don't care that it's just escapism. Being female is objectively a burden. I'm not a hero or a martyr, I just want a peaceful life. You will never have meaningful connections with men unless they're using you as a fleshlight. Female friendships are empty because women are primed from birth to value men. Being a "straight man" who doesn't date is way more acceptable than being a lesbian. If I were male I could have meaningful friendships and women at my feet (male incels aren't real, women trip over themselves to fawn over the ugliest subhuman males). What would it be like to walk down the street and not tense up when a man walks by me? What would it be like to hear women gossip about abuse victims and how they want a boy child instead of a girl and not feel worthless because they're talking about you? What would it be like to be the human default, to be taken seriously, to be expected to contribute and valued by others? I hate men. I hate women. I don't even know what advice I want. I would never take testosterone. I'm tall and have an ugly face and broad shoulders, wide gait. I think if I cut my hair short and wore loose clothes people would already assume I'm male, because they did in high school. I just need some sort of voice training. I'm dreading cutting my hair short. I feel like if I make this decision I'm truly, finally, closing the door on all possible meaningful connections with others. I don't know. I would keep my feminine legal name and just go by Dave or some shit irl. I'm also tempted to get a job where I never at all talk to people during the day and just hermitmaxx. What's the point then I guess. I don't know what to do.
>trooning out is retarded
If I can pass, why not? Men are objectively treated better in every regard. The only other option is hermitmaxxing. I don't even know what advice you could give, but I'm willing to listen.

No. 416370

>>416367
trying to become something that you can never be isn't going to give you a peaceful life or quell the hatred you feel towards yourself and other women. it's just going to make all of your problems so much worse.

No. 416372

>>416370
I'm not trying to be a man, exactly. I know I'll never be male, or a man. But I can be treated as one and act in one in public. Like historical crossdressers.
>it's just going to make all of your problems so much worse.
In what way? Men won't harass me in public, won't try to rape me if I'm friends with them, women won't scorn me for not having a hyper passive conformist personality, which seem like pretty massive improvements.

No. 416374

>>416367
>I don't believe women have any innate empathy for each other like they do for men.
That's a you problem. I'm guessing you had some bad experiences to make you think that but it's just not true.
There are many stories from detransitioners explaining why this will not solve all your problems like you think it will. Typically if you're doing this to escape being a woman and you'd only be happy with passing 100% it will not work out.
>I would never take testosterone.
Well, that's good. If you just want to cut your hair and wear pants and baggy clothes and let people assume, then whatever. Go for it. It's kind of bizarre to me that you're afraid of cutting your hair as if that will be a huge leap… do you live somewhere very strict about female hair? most girls where I live have given themselves a buzzcut at one point or another.
>>416372
Any man who is friends with you will figure out you're actually a woman. It sounds like you have a clockable female voice, that would give you away.

No. 416378

>>416367
if men are evil and women are born unlucky, why would you want to be a man.
If you hate women but also hate men, why would being a man be any better.
Please re read your post, it makes no sense. I hate evil men and women are doormats so I’m gonna become an evil man. ??

No. 416382

>>416372
I have short hair and I don’t wear makeup or always dress feminine and still have all the same old problems with men lol. It’s just hair..hair and clothes are not gonna change your life

No. 416387

>>416374
>I'm guessing you had some bad experiences to make you think that but it's just not true.
It really is. Be honest. If you interact with groups of women on a regular basis you will hear them making excuses for abusive men, valuing male opinions over women's, dumping their friend groups as soon as they get a boyfriend, going so far as to call other women catty, mean, etc.
Cutting my hair is sort of a big deal to me but it's irrelevant to the discussion. It'd be a big sign of "no going back" for me.
>>416378
Do you have a reading disability?
Men live objectively better lives than women do. Of course I'd rather be one.
>>416382
You're not trying to pass, though. Or maybe you're 5'2" and can't. If you actually passed, you wouldn't experience those issues.

No. 416389

>>416372
I've never met a TIF who convincingly passed as a man. I highly doubt you'll pass and thus be treated as one. Teens have a slightly easier time passing because a lot of teen boys are still lanky. Even most "mannish" adult women don't have a convincing male bone structure.

No. 416408

>>416372
you are going to feel worse because you believe
>men won't harass me, me won't want to rape me
when in reality men treat women like shit (and yes, they are still going to see you as a woman) regardless of how pretty and feminine we are or aren't. you're setting yourself up for disappointment and are going to be crushed when you realize that changing your hair and clothes isn't going to make the difference that you're seeking. you're still going to be perceived as the same person.

No. 416409

>>416387
It's just hair, it grows back. I think you should cut it and live your experiment for a while if that helps you figure some things out. You will just be running away from yourself which isn't healthy, but I know self-acceptance is hard for some people so maybe you have to try this to move on to the next step. Best of luck to you.

No. 416410

>>416387
No offense but I've had close knit female friend groups all my life and that's not my experience at all. In fact women are able to have emotionally deep and fulfulling friendships that I've never witnessed between men. Just because you met a bunch of bad apples doesn't mean all or even most women are like that.

I honestly don't see the point either. You might be able to vaguely pass to strangers around you from a distance, but your family, friends, the men you'll try to befriend will never truly see you as a man. ESPECIALLY the men because they aren't bullied into accepting trannies to the extend women are. There's a reason why TRAs constantly need to remind and bully normies to call trannies and enbies by their chosen pronouns. People just don't genuinely believe a woman can be a man or vice versa, they're just playing along with your puppet show.

Have you posted about this before? I swear I've read this wah wah I hate all women I wanna dress as a man spiel before.

No. 416416

>>416410
>wah wah I hate all women I wanna dress as a man
kek conveniently ignoring the part about rape and the barriers men place around women. It's easier to write me off as a loser who can't make friends with girls than acknowledge that men live objectively better lives, right?
If I can't pass, it is what it is. I'll never know until I try. Everyone's advice is
>you won't pass and it won't make your problems go away
Which is entirely fair.
>>416408
Men will rape anything if it's female, including corpses. Let's just say I can pass. Why not? Everyone's saying I can't, but what if I'm just naturally very androgynous and could train my voice. What is the argument against the passing crossdresser?
The loneliness will never go away? It won't as a woman, either. Lonely men aren't viewed as easy targets by abusive men, though.
You'll never accept yourself? I don't care, I live in reality, I want a better life.
I can't see any instance where my life isn't objectively better if I pass. BIG if. I know.
>>416409
>I think you should cut it and live your experiment for a while if that helps you figure some things out.
I think you're right. I'll just have to try and see. I'll put on my best presentation and go to some conservative area a few hours from me and see how I'm addressed.

No. 416418

File: 1721400285350.jpeg (60.04 KB, 736x491, 7CD05CAF-9B94-44C0-96C5-91F860…)

>>416367
>>416387
i have a big brain and i already solved all the problems anon has.
>harassment from men in public,
short hair & no makeup so they can't quite tell if i'm a guy or a girl when i'm wearing baggy clothing. not foolproof but it gives me a temporary edge, i hardly ever get harassed.
>won't try to rape me if I'm friends with them
i don't make male friends. problem solved.
>women won't scorn me
find a better friend group.

10/10, no voice training necessary, people still know i'm female when they do a double take or hear me speak.

No. 416422

>>416416
The whole idea of pretending you're a man to avoid the problems of being a woman is kind of delusional but you're not the first woman who has tried it and you won't be the last. Women do it in small ways all the time, like using a male pen name or using their husband's name when they want more authority in written communication, but actually presenting as a man and hoping people buy it is another level. There are extra difficulties involved in larping that you will run into. Hopefully you just wind up here >>416418 because that's the real answer. You kinda sound like you hate yourself right now.

No. 416428

>>416416
i guess i don't understand why you asked for advice in the first place when you seemed to have made up your mind already and aren't interested in any other perspective. if you've been around here long enough you should have known what kind of responses you were going to get. wanting women to listen to your complaints and provide you with validation while acting as if you are superior to them might make you feel like a moid but that and a haircut won't be enough to make anyone see you as anything but what you really are.

No. 416453

How do I tell people at work did nothing at the weekend when they ask what I did? I don’t have any friends and every time I say nothing I feel like they judge me.
I am just one of those people no one likes, I am okay with that. I wish people would treat me like they would anyone else innit

No. 416462

>>416453
just say you maxed and relaxed at home and did absolutely nothing and you're very happy about that. if you say it like you're gonna get judged for it people pick up on that. say it with confidence.

No. 416477

>>416146
I eat heathy versions of what I’m craving. Like high protein cake or cook a homemade version of takeout.

No. 416481

How do I work on my confidence so I am not targeted for bullying?

No. 416484

>>416453
You lie and say you hung out with friends. You're clearly not close enough for them to know any better. Sometimes lying to normies is necessary to avoid making your life unnecessarily difficult.

No. 416497

>>416453
I talk about gardening often. Find some superficial thing to pretend to be low key obsessed with and use that as a Monday talking point.

No. 416603

>>416481
There's a lot that you can do, but let's start with the easy ones.
1. Don't assume everyone is being an asshole. The world does not revolve around your insecurities. Nobody is trying to make you cry by bringing up the model you wished you looked like when you were 12. Nobody wants to make you feel left out by inviting you to have coffee when you only drink tea. Don't let your insecurities color your interactions.
2. Don't keep putting yourself down. If you don't have anything nice or neutral to say about yourself, be quiet. Say thank you and smile when someone praises you. 3. Don't overshare. Actually, don't share at all, if you can help it. Insecure women are often preyed on by scrotes or pickmes. The more information you give them the worse it is. Learn to be quiet, nod and smile, look interested when someone's talking about an experience or interest that you share, don't say anything. You don't need to give others your insecurities and fears on a platter.
4. On that note, don't take the bait. If you say that you're insecure about your finances and some asshole makes a point of talking about how poor you are, don't take the fucking bait. Grey rocking is a wonderful technique. They are trying to manipulate you using your insecurities. Don't let them. Go snivel about it in your diary later, but keep your shit together in the moment and in public.
5. Learn critical thinking. Why are you so terrible at everything? Make a list and include specific examples, as many as you can think of. Now read through the list and see how retarded it sounds. Are you an irredeemable failure because you're bad at emails? Are you clinically retarded because you left the laundry in the washer for 3 days once? Are you destined to die unloved and alone because you didn't give a valentine to the creepy boy who sat behind you in school? Now go through the list and write about a time when you did NOT fail, one for each point you previously wrote. Maybe you didn't brush your teeth for 3 months at one point, but you brushed them every day before and after that. Or you went to work in a weird outfit a few times, but you wore normal clothes the rest of the time. Now go through the list again and decide if there are any epic failures you can cross off your list of eternal shame. It's OK if there are still some immensely retarded moments on there that you can't ever undo, we all fuck up sometimes. Now that you figured out which points are still causing you grief, work out how to fix them. Basically, if you're fat, lose weight. If you're unemployed, find a job. It doesn't need to be a ten page plan. You can work on fixing the things that bother you. Some shit can't be fixed, like autism, but you can work on it to a point where you can comfortably live with it.
Don't let your insecurity define your life. You're not some /pol/ scrote, you're better than that.

No. 416696

>>416603
NAYRT, but damn this is eloquent. I want to print it out and staple it to the forehead of every sniveling self absorbed whiny retard I know who takes everything personally and can't handle anything.

No. 416842

I can't stop ghosting people, even ones I really like. Sometimes I enter a weird hermit state where I can't stand to talk to other people for anywhere from 3 days to 3 months, and it has ruined every friendship I've ever had. In the past, I've warned friends that I might do something like this in the future, but they (understandably) still got mad at me when I ignored them for an indefinite amount of time.
Recently, I made a friend. We had planned to meet last Friday, but I got sick, and so I told her we should hang out when I'm healthy again. Sitting around alone at home put me in one of those socially avoidant moods, and I kept leaving her on read and didn't answer her calls telling myself "I'll reply this evening/tomorrow morning/this afternoon/…". I progressively got more nervous the more she tried to reach out. Now she's upset that I've been ignoring her for a week, and I feel terrible but also paralyzed.
How do I fix things with her? Just the thought of opening her chat and seeing her messages questioning me why I'm ghosting her is giving me a stomach ache from anxiety right now. People usually don't believe me when I say I didn't talk to them for weeks because of muh anxiety, despite it being the truth.
This is when I usually go complete ghost and never speak to the person again, but I'm sick of living this way and my friend deserves better than to be treated like this by me.

No. 416845

>>416428
>wanting women to listen to your complaints and provide you with validation while acting as if you are superior to them might make you feel like a moid
Aw, you probably felt so smart with such a snarky little retort, huh? You really put me in my place, I'll never deviate from anything but open glee at the female experience ever again.
Really, everyone's responses were what I wanted. On any other website everyone would be telling me to take T asap. It's one of those things I think I'd just need to try and experience to make a full decision on it.

No. 416848

>>416842
You need to treat your anxiety. That's the root problem.
You don't know she's upset do you? It's only been a week, that's nothing.

No. 416861

>>416842
Wtf I'm exactly like this, I've ruined budding friendships because I I had anxiety answering messages.

No. 416864

I’m an 18 year old who lives with their mom, I want to get a wolfcut esque haircut up to my shoulders dyed black with blond tips. My current hair is light brown and very long and I hate it, specifically how long it is because I hate taking care of it. Only issue is my mom is a raging libfem pickme who insists i should keep my long hair becuase otherwise it’s ”ugly” and “guys won’t like it”. Should I just circumvent this by cutting and dying my hair without her knowing?

No. 416865

>>416864
Just do whatever you want with your hair if you can deal with her comments afterwards.

No. 416866

>>416842
Instead of saying it's the anxiety, you say you needed a break from social media/screens to focus on yourself and be more productive. That's a more socially acceptable reason that normies are more likely to understand. But the other anon is right, your anxiety is the real problem.

No. 416867

>>416864
>my mom is a raging libfem pickme who insists i should keep my long hair becuase otherwise it’s ”ugly” and “guys won’t like it”
I'm confused by this. A libfem would support you cutting and dying your hair as self expression. It's a thoroughly conservative trait to keep hair natural for male attention.
Anyway, it's totally up to you how you style your hair. Will it actually cause friction between you two if you do it or is she just advising against it? Not everything parents say is a direct order, sometimes they're just giving an opinion. If you have a healthy adult relationship with you mom you should be able to openly listen to what she says and then say you're going to get the haircut anyway and not have it be a huge thing. There's literally no reason to do it in secret.
Only two reasons not to do it that I can think of: 1.) If you have no money and she's paying for it then she gets to decide because hair dye isn't free. or 2.) she's crazy and this will blow up into a huge thing and get you kicked out – just not worth it then.

No. 416868

>>416864
your mom is right that shit is ugly

No. 416872

>>416868
kek this is true. it can also limit career opportunities to have a stupid trendy haircut, unsure if that's currently a concern for her but her mom could be thinking it.

No. 416874

>>416872
>limit career opportunities
She's 18.

No. 416875

>>416874
That's when I had to get a job. I said I was unsure if it was a concern for her because I know not every 18 year old is looking for a job, but it's not like it's outside the realm of possibility. Even if she's going to college soon she could be making career connections there too. She didn't give many details, I'm speculating

No. 416876

>>416875
Come on now, if she can't have fun with her hair at 18 she'll never do it, I regret not dyeing my hair purple when I was in college because my mom would have whined about it all day long.

No. 416879

>>416876
I know, I'm just being a stick in the mud. I dyed my hair all kinds of colors in my 20s after I got a job when I was sure it wouldn't matter. I hope she has fun with her hair if she wants to

No. 416882

>>416864
is the only reason she doesn't want you to change your hair because she thinks men won't like it?

No. 417000

File: 1721522135177.png (1.5 MB, 948x714, the life .png)

>How do you deal with male (and sometimes female–lucky meeeeee!! kek) attention when you've always been a wallflower?

All very new to me. Didn't think looks mattered so much. What a bummer. Well, I'm marching along my twenties and grew more confident as I've grown into my features. I've started to take better care of myself..but nothing too drastic. I've lost almost 40 lbs but even 20 lbs ago (app. 200lbs) I started getting attention. Kek first I thought certain complimentary hairstyles or me wearing sunglasses was what allured people. But I still get noticed when I step out with my hair braided flat against my skull and all the while exposing my full-on unshaved body hair for all to see. And so, without sounding narcissistic I hope, people just tend to gravitate towards me, strangers approach me a whole lot more, and step inside my bubble. I might just have different energy nowadays?

I won't lie and say that it feels validating to me that I am not repulsive haha. But it's ((men)). After getting high off of their lingering looks, gazes, and to those who are bold enough, small talk; I come down to earth and start feeling fearful since I realize their only intention is sex. I'm so naive, noonies, and think that they're interested in becoming friends and the like. This might stem from me never having been in a romantic relationship before. But almost always it seems like speds or pretentious dorks are the only comfortable, braver, ones expressing their desire to pursue something romantic with me kek.

With women, it's more of a game of who is going to initiate first and my awkwardness coming through. I just feel inexperienced and compensate with being overly friendly and peppy. When I dress more masculine (plain clothing really) I get noticed more by the fairer sex than when I dress like a snappy 35 year old woman.

This attention is advantageous when I can reciprocate interest with someone I find attractive or if I want to befriend someone with ease and no worry. But I sometimes make my appearance intentionally unappealing so that I won't deal with unpleasant interactions.
>Have you experienced this before? Share what it's been like.

No. 417166

Any way I can trigger my periods in the next 2 days? I'm going on vacations next week and I'm not thrilled by the idea of having to travel with my cup inside of me.

No. 417167

>>417166
Raspberry leaf tea, walking on the sidewalk with one foot on the curb, jumping up and down

No. 417191

I was talking to a chatbot who suggested I do volunteer work to make friends. Nonnas do you have positive experiences of making friends through volunteering?

No. 417222

>>417191
The other volunteers in my group are 45 to 65 year old ladies, so I wouldn't say I made "friends" through it yet. There are plenty of groups in our organization with women who are closer to my age that I could switch to, but I've gotten attached to my boomers kek. During our break, we always sit down together to eat lunch and chat about random things or talk about how our week has been going so far, which is really nice if you don't have anyone else you can do that with in your life right now. It's also good for dipping your toes into being social again if you've been struggling with loneliness.
99% of volunteers are female, so honestly, just look around online and see if there's anything in your area you'd like to participate in. You're guaranteed to spend time with either potential friends, or at the very least sweet older women. And even if you don't find friends through it, helping with whatever cause you're passionate about will feel really rewarding.

No. 417295

I finally have a marriage date. I want it super lowkey because I hate attention being on me. I feel really emotional because I only want 1 witness there and it's rough because I let my mom know and she and my dad are willing to pay for a photographer. That part is hard for me to deal with. I don't want photos because I feel so ugly. My high school portraits from 10 years ago made me feel hideous and I never ever want to see photos of myself from other cameras.

I also am struggling with if I'm making the right choice. My moid is really lovely and the reason I even wanted to get married is because we will be inheriting his father's business. I'm not a "believer" in marriage as a romantic or whatever concept. For some reason I'm crying now because I guess I'm overwhelmed. I hate other people seeing or perceiving me and I am low contact with my family because I don't like being looked at. Is there any way I can alleviate my anxiety? I was so sure before and we've been together 5 years. I'm still sure, but it's just weird to me that there will be other people and photos.

No. 417307

I really want to donate to a local school drive because I have a way to get a good deal on school supplies via a personal connection I have. But I live in a really wealthy area, tons of McMansions everywhere, and I only have about $200 I can afford to spend on school supplies right now. Is that even worth showing up with? Or is it going to be insulting to not show up with enough stuff to help a whole classroom? I’m just worried I’m going to look like an idiot with my little plastic tote and handful of school supplies while everyone else is showing up with thousands in cash donations.

No. 417323

>>416864
Yes, life is short have fun with your hair. Do what you want, it’s your hair, not hers. She doesn’t own your head. You can always change it again. Hair is temporary

No. 417335

>>417307
Would it be an option to connect someone from the school and your connection? Maybe the school can use those thousands in cash donations to get great deals for next year. Connections are super valuable

No. 417354

>>417295
Have a destination wedding innawoods hundreds of miles away from family

No. 417386

How tf do I stop stalking my boyfriend's ex's social media? This is an entirely self-created problem. My boyfriend is great and has never unfavorably compared me to her. But I can't stop checking her insta and comparing myself to her, sometimes multiple times a day. I have enough self esteem to know that I shouldn’t feel inadequate and I wouldn't switch my life for hers. But she seems so normie and outgoing compared to my mentally ill, lolcow-posting self. I think that's why I'm obsessed: she seems so different from me and it makes me wonder why my boyfriend is even with me. It doesn't help that she's on the bigger side and my bf has expressed preference for "thick" women lmao

No. 417391

File: 1721624618570.jpg (76.8 KB, 1200x801, tzoulia-julia-alexandratou.jpg)

How do i cope with lolcow related depression"? i am the only one who leaks her doing immoral stuff to others but at this point it is just depressing cause nothing happens to her.


But if i quit for my mental health what if i miss something?

No. 417414

>>417391
Sometimes it's way better to just not pay attention to people you don't like (especially if they never change.) You have so much more free time for things you do like. You're not missing anything except stuff you don't like.

No. 417415

>>417414
you have a point, how do other farmers stay though when it can get depressing when you just see cows hurting people

No. 417421

>>417415
would need more details to advise you, sorry. but lolcow is for laughing at people, not callouts or expecting anything to happen to them. if you're posting stuff about a lolcow expecting anything bad to happen to her because of it, you have the wrong mindset.

No. 417424

>>417421
the one spitting at the homeless, idk honestly since i hear what you are saying but still

No. 417425

>>417424
>the one spitting at the homeless
Who?

No. 417428

>>417425
e m p a t h chan

No. 417429

>>417428
oh. my personal option is she seems very boring but everyone has a weird cow they're into so whatever no judgement. but if you'e not having fun you should absolutely stop, it's not supposed to make you feel depressed. walk away. there's also the chance that it would be a net positive to ignore her, especially if attention online fuels her bad behavior.

No. 417431

>>417429
i hear you i should try, just wish she was arrested for assaulting people

No. 417575

>>416842
I have nothing to contribute except I'm the exact same way and have burned every single bridge I've ever made in my life save literally 1 or 2. Not helpful at all but you're not alone nona

No. 417578

>>406927
>I'm not great at math
Why do you say that?
>don't know shit about statistics
Study and learn about statistics! Just because you don't know anything about this subject right now that doesn't mean you won't know anything about it in the future (you'll have to learn, of course, since you can't just magically make a wish to learn it instantly)

No. 417588

>>417295
I've been feeling the same way and I'm getting married in just a few weeks. I usually get really visceral, disgusted reactions to pictures of myself so I'm nervous about the photos, but I tell myself I won't care in 40 years when I'm reminiscing and looking at the pictures, and I won't care when I'm dead and my children/grand-children are still enjoying those pictures. I will likely feel as ugly as I always do and I'll probably feel bad about it in the moment, but the memories will be meaningful and worth preserving regardless of what I look like.
It's also helped me to look at more normal people's wedding pictures. There's plenty of brides that I don't find pretty, but they look so happy in their pictures that I just feel happy for them too, and it helps me feel less shame at the idea of being perceived in my ugly appearance. Nobody owes the world beauty, being ugly isn't a moral failure, and we're allowed to be ugly and happy anyway.

No. 417604

>>406729
>>406728
wanted to actually update; I did attempt to find the plant but I had lost it by then and she didn't want a replacement plant from a nursery. HOWEVER, what little is left of the roots grew back and there's a tiny plant with leaves now! I am very relieved bc my mom was so happy.

No. 417644

To the anon who deleted her post just now: Just focus on healing your emotional scars instead of distracting yourself with dick therapy. And never speak to your ex again. If he's as perfect as you make it sound, then he deserves better than you. You cheated on him, there's no coming back from that.

No. 417655

>>417644
sorry I moved my post to the breakup thread because I realized this thread is not relationship focused.

he definitely deserves "better" and I still haven't forgiven myself for what I've done. I'm shocked my ex has forgiven me and still wants to be with me. as weird as it seems, we have chosen to keep in contact and are still very close with each other, except I don't talk about my male friend.

No. 417659

>>417655
Look up attachment theory if you don't know it, he is definitely anxious preoccupied if he "forgave" you this easily. You'd be doing him a huge kindness if you went no contact, it's for his own good.

No. 417781

Not sure if I should post here or in the relationship advice one.
How do I stop stressing over this issue? I'm trying to just not think about it but it keeps creeping back in.

I'm pregnant, due in a few weeks.
My parents keep changing plans around visiting for/after the birth.
They have had 3 different plans over the last 2 months, its stressing me out because my mother wants to be there for the birth but they changed the original plan from flying down when I go into labour (3hour flight), to driving down when I go into labour (3 days drive). She claims she will still make it if they drive, I highly doubt it and have told her I wont be expecting her there.
They've also changed how long they will be visiting, it has gone from a week to 2 weeks to 4 weeks.
I messaged my mother about what they plan on doing for accommodation, I've looked online for them and the cheapest for 28 days I can find is $3.5k.

Shes now said she doesnt know if they are even driving down, maybe they will fly, and they dont know how long they will stay for.

I'm trying really hard to just let go and not think about it and let whatever happens, happen.
I've already put it in my head that my mother wont be there for the birth, its easier to not have any expectations than to be let down/stressed about them not making it.
I already know if they fly down then it will be a whole thing about getting them from the airport/taking them to the hotel.
Its just frustrating that they seem incapable of making and sticking to a plan, this is why I have always been an over planner to compensate for my parents lack of fucks.

No. 417786

>>417781
Haven't you posted about this at least twice before?

No. 417788

>>417786
I posted about this in the vent thread, but now I'm wanting advice on how to switch off so I can chill out rather than just venting my frustrations. I dont remember posting about it outside of that, maybe months ago?

No. 417795

>>417781
I'm sorry this is happening to you, I can imagine how stressful this situation is. It really should not be your job to parent your own parents while you're heavily pregnant and have more important things to deal with.
If a que sera, sera mindset absolutely isn't working out for you, then the best I could come up with to give yourself a peace of mind is to give them a basic itinerary. Like:
>what date you expect them to be there at the earliest and latest (give a nice and tight timeframe - if baby decides to come early, tell your mom you expect her to fly down to be there for one of the most important moments in both of your lives)
>which hotel they will be staying at
>how they will get to said hotel (let them call a cab or ask around in advance to find someone who can pick them up - this will NOT be you or your partner, shepherding around your parents is not your priority while/after giving birth)
>when they will be leaving
If you expect them to complain about you treating them like children who need to be told what to do, say something like "I'm getting really stressed because of the due date getting closer, so I've been planning things out to calm my nerves. It would help me a lot if you kept this itinerary in mind". Tell them you love them and stroke their egos a bit by saying they'd be of such great help with the little one, so that's why you need to be sure they'll get there on time.
Of course, there's no guarantee that they'll end up stick to the plan, but at least you yourself will have a general idea of how things should go. I'm something of a control freak, and it calms me to have an outline of the future, even if it doesn't happen exactly how I envisioned in the end. Maybe it's the same for you.
Though honestly, perhaps think about asking your parents to visit a couple of weeks after you give birth instead. It would eliminate all this anxiety about not knowing whether they'll make it in time or not. I don't what they are like outside of having a flaky attitude or how much you need their help, but if there's a chance they'll stress you out more once they're there, then it might be better if you took some time to fully focus on being a new mom. You can come up with some kind of excuse like the hotels being too expensive for such short notice, or tell them their erratic traveling plans stress you out too much and your doctor said it's important you relax. Just something to consider.

No. 417817

>>417788
when nonnas post about the same thing in multiple threads it tends to not be well received. anyway, if your parents are acting this unreliable and inconsistent before your baby is even born perhaps you should reconsider whether them being there is a good thing. sounds like they're just causing you extra stress and if they're incapable of simple planning i question how helpful they will be while you recover from giving birth and adjust to life with a newborn. the last thing you need is two adults to take care of when you've just had a baby.

No. 417854

>>417781
You're going to parent your baby. You are not going to parent two grown adults on top of that.
Your parents have lived like this for a long time. Being retarded hasn't killed them yet. They'll be fine. If they can call you to whine that they don't have an Uber at the airport, it means that they have working phones and they can call the Uber themselves. They'll be able to sort themselves out without you being at their beck and call. Don't expect them to turn up for the birth, see this as a good thing, and put yourself and the baby first no matter what.
I hope you have an easy birth and a healthy baby. As long as you and the baby are OK, it doesn't matter what changes to their plans your parents make.

No. 417898

getting a hysterectomy in two weeks. what do you think I should know that I may not have learned already

No. 417991

File: 1721802639167.jpeg (42.41 KB, 214x270, IMG_5867.jpeg)

Whenever I try to sleep at a normal time (8pm or 9pm) I end up waking at like 12am, sweaty and overheated. Why is this? This has been a problem for years, I’m starting to think I don’t drink enough water.

No. 418001

>>417898
Curious to know how did you find a specialist to give you a hysterectomy?
I have adenomyosis and my specialist said no when I asked about a hysterectomy.

No. 418021

>>417991
8pm is not a normal time unless you have to get up at 4am wtf

No. 418022

>>418021
If i skip out on my daily caffeine i get tired at 8pm, very tired. i usually stay up past that.

No. 418031

>>417991
Chug water before bed? Sleep with a fan pointed at you?

No. 418122

I don't think they're really ingrown hairs, but I have lots of circle shaped hairs that goes right over the skin, I'm another ESL so it's hard to explain it, but I haven't been shaving since 1 year at least, maybe even two. I picked at them with tweezers and they came out easily, but now they all appeared in that same way. Should I be scrubbing the skin? Is that just another aftermath of shaving? So I can just be seething at patriarchy and get over it.

No. 418124

>>418122
Forgot the most important detail, I'm talking about my legs.

No. 418166

>>418122
They're called, literally, 'circle hairs'. It's harmless. Google it.

No. 418334

This is gonna be the one website that won’t coddle me about this. How do I stop having gender dysphoria? For the past few months I’ve been having intense dysphoria with a strong desire to be a male. There are some days I think I was meant to be born as a gay male that somehow ended up in the body of a woman. I hate being a woman and wish strongly I was a male, I also have a slight androgynous appearance and take joy when I’m mistaken for a moid in public. My dysphoria doesn’t happen all the time, but I do get somewhat intense bouts of it weekly. I should also clarify I have no intent to transition and fully acknowledge I’m a woman no matter what

No. 418372

>>418334
You should get a hobby and talk to real gay moids and other women, talking to people helps you understand yourself somehow, because sometimes you just need to see other's perspectives on life.
Talking to irl gay moids shows you the reality of being a gay moid, how weird they are all, catty, cliquey and retarded.
When you talk to real women you can see that women are more complex sometimes, but that sometimes aren't that deep, you stop the mystification that happens all over the internet, which is next to being also simplified and considered lesser beings.
If you're straight and you're frustrated about straight relationships, maybe you could just try to not think about relationships at all and just focus on yourself, your friendships, your family and so on.
If you've been reading too much fanfiction/yaoi, remember that all of that is written by women and that it's a complete idealization of relationships in general, it's all rose tinted because that's the point of fiction after all, to give you a escape from the harsh reality in which relationships are never ever cute and fluffy, with mind blowing sex and convenient situations that somehow will favor you all of the time.

No. 418419

>>418001
I was referred to pelvic floor physical therapy. the physical therapist (hands down the best healthcare professional I have ever seen, in terms of both expertise and compassion) heard my concerns and that I had been unsuccessfully seeking one for a decade. she told me to call a specific OB/GYN surgeon she knew who would be willing to do the surgery. I called, set up and attended one appointment, and had a surgery date when I walked out. she said that I qualified (extreme pain, maternal family history of endometrial cancer, had tried 5+ hormonal birth control methods, physical therapy, etc) and said I would be approved for one based on having tried everything else and failing to find a way to manage the pain. plus the cancer risk I think sealed it wrt getting insurance approval. it's so stupid the hoops we have to jump through, when she told me she'd do it I was like wait aren't you supposed to make me cut through a mile of red tape? but no, she walked into the exam room already on board with doing the surgery.

I think you just gotta find the needle in the gynecological haystack. I know there are also reddit threads that list surgeons who are willing to do it (mostly for gender reasons), you could always look them up because you may have more luck starting with them. if they're willing to do it at all then I bet they'd be more likely to do it for you for other legit medical reasons

No. 418466

>>418334
I had a lot of issues with gender dysphoria too (except for wanting to be a gay man because I'm a lesbian) and for me what changed my mindset was definitely spending more time around women. It was so easy to wish I was a man when I was an agoraphobic NEET whose only hobby was being online. Once I started going back to school, I was in a majority female field of study and it really helped me a lot because all my life I felt so different from other women, I didn't understand how to dress well or do my makeup or hair, but once I started having more interactions with women I realized we all have a lot of common ground, a lot of the same anxieties about our safety and how we're viewed by others, a lot of desire to care for people around us. I still have a lot of issues with my body but over time I feel a lot more at peace with being perceived as a woman because I've realized that I can talk to other women and relate to their experiences and be able to share things that I don't think are as easy to convey to men.

No. 418497

>>418334
ymmv because a large chunk of my dysphoria went away post-puberty, but I also used these methods to reduce it back then and also now
>practice body neutrality
>exercise - lift weights especially
>practice comfortable amount of exposure to the parts of your body that you don't hate - lotion your legs, admire your hair, remind yourself you like xyz about yourself, etc
>identify dysphoria triggers and find ways to avoid/reduce exposure to them, e.g don't go clothes shopping for over x amount of time, don't watch triggerin media, don't doomscroll
>spend more time with other nonmisogynistic women. there are more than you think, hopefully they're also around you, but online friendships could work
>read basic feminist works like ones by We Should All Be Feminists and Delusions of Gender. this was important to me in internalizing that my enemy is not my body which helps me live, but rather the irrational and shallow stereotypes and baggage that society tries to convince me are one and the same
>read female positivity and female-focused stuff where you can. I used blogs like https://radicallyaligned.tumblr.com/post/633326744880988160/a-common-theme-i-see-amongst-young-feminists-who for this
>remind yourself that your body exists for you, not anyone else. your organs exist to regulate your hormones and keep you healthy, your body's existence is neutral, your body is you. all other meanings are man-made

If you already tried some of these and it didn't work, lmk and we can try brainstorming ways to make them more effective for you

No. 418613

>>418372
>>418466
>>418497
Thank you all for your kind words and helpful advice, all of this is very useful to me and I’m glad to see some nonnas can relate, felt like I was alone honestly

No. 418715

File: 1721968633468.jpg (137.68 KB, 1170x1448, 1721859385989.jpg)

How do I gain the courage to go outside by myself? I was sexually abused as a child, stopped going to school at the age of 13, and have been a shut-in ever since. I am 19 now and really want to get better and learn how to live a normal independent life, but I feel like I can't. I have a fear of moids, not only due to my trauma, but also because they cannot be trusted from an objective perspective, so it isn't like getting over my trauma will fix it. The last time I went outside by myself, which was for the first time in years, I was catcalled twice. I live in the UK, so I can't carry any proper means of self defense either. I would try therapy, but I can't be completely honest with how I feel, and they will just brush it off as trauma related and act like moids aren't actually inherently evil. I have a very poor relationship with my mother so I don't want to go out with her, but I don't have any IRL friends at all either, so I don't have anyone else to go out with. I know I can't live a healthy life or truly get better if I continue to be confined to my room, but what am I supposed to do?

No. 418766

>>416603
>They are trying to manipulate you using your insecurities.
How do you deal with this? My biggest insecurity is people thinking I’m stupid since I’m not very smart but I get bullied for being dumb at every workplace. It’s hard to hide being dumb.

No. 418777

>>418715
im sorry to hear how this has affected you. it's especially hard when people try to gaslight you on how dangerous men can be. this may not be what you wish to hear, but life is a calculated risk and you must be brave. those who find it in themselves to use vehicles again after a car accident, enter a relationship again after being abused, go back to school after being in a shooting, etc. know this. everyone has had a different life and learns of the horrors to be afraid of. personally i think little can compare to the trauma a man can inflict on a woman and i don't want to downplay that by comparing it to other things. you can take little steps towards breaking out of your comfort zone, like you have by going outside and still entertaining the idea despite experiencing the cat calls, all progress is good and you have time. and i promise as you age into your early 20s, things will become much easier. this is just the nature of leaving teenagehood behind. (also improvised weapons are allowed in the UK, so a set of keys you can turn into knuckle dusters, can of deodorant, etc)

No. 418899

Went on a few dates with this girl, first couple were fun. Our most recent date rubbed me the wrong way, though, and because I process my feelings on things slowly I ended up scheduling another date. Now, I realize I don't really want to pursue this person. What's the best way to go about this? Like, do I cancel the date now over the phone, go on the date and tell her in person I'm not feeling it, or? I'm an autist so idk what's most polite in these scenarios

No. 418900

Tldr golden child manlet sibling (we'll call him S) watches neighbor with binoculars. I was moving stuff, when S's binoculars fell onto some paint and cracked the lens. Dreading when the whole family will turn against me, accuse me of doing it on purpose, when they find out that S's binoculars are damaged. Is it better to just erm, misplace the binoculars so no one finds the damage? Family might suspect me of that tho.

Was having a nice day with parents until brother (well call him S) casually asks if (elderly woman) neighbor's bedroom window is visible from his. S hates said neighbor all because she walks her dog everyday, and he can hear her talking, and she once talked bad about the condition of our home (which S should fix, as he's 40).

Anyway, S then went on to say how he sits alone in his room, with the lights out, and watches neighbor with binoculars. So S "spies" on her for revenge or listening if shes talking bad about us or something. S stands in the dark sometimes in the yard to listen in on others. If I say anything against this politely then Im ostracised, esp by mom. Mom is my only emotional support rn so I cant deal with her ostracising me.

I was moving stuff and organizing, when S's binoculars fell onto some paint and cracked the lens. Dreading when the whole family will turn against me when they find out the damage. Is it better to just erm, misplace the binoculars somewhere hidden so no one finds the damage? The binoculars were moved into S's room again, and family might blame me for that too.

No. 419024

>>418899
Just cancel the date over the phone. You've only met her a few times so I wouldn't make her waste her energy by making her show up in person only to dump her.

No. 419055

>>418715
Abused by parents and bullied at school, dropped out of school at 16 shut-in here. Also SAd by my ex for months and generally have a long history of trauma. Personal band-aid type fixes that worked for me:
weight lifting at home for muscle gain and improving posture and gait and general confidence, wearing clothes that are oversized to make me feel safer and less exposed by not advertising my body shape, wearing platforms to look taller and less approachable, running or doing daily cardio at home to increase stamina in case it's needed

These helped me to get out more on my own which in turn started fixing the issues of of social anxiety just by experiencing being outside and being around people. Also had to learn how to trust my gut which can be challenging.

Maybe try getting out to do some women centered activities like dance classes or fitness classes? If you feel uncomfortable you can always leave during the class, no one will think anything of it.

No. 419538

What do you do when you don't enjoy anything anymore? I've tried so hard to beat this depression. I have a routine, I exercise and eat well, but still I don't enjoy anything. My life feels so dull and boring and gray. I feel like I'm wasting my life. Nothing is fun. I don't do anything. I used to have hobbies but now all I do day in and day out is study and clean. I really need help but I can't afford medication or therapy. I want to enjoy life again.

No. 419544

>>419538
Have you talked to someone at your university? Mine offers mental health services for free including meetings with a therapist, but they don't advertise it so I only knew because the student dean told me. It's worth looking into if yours offers something similiar.

No. 419552

>>418900
I saw your posts about this elsewhere here and I think you should just ignore this. You are obviously in a very bad situation so I don't doubt you have reason to be anxious, but what's done is done and you should never ever admit fault for this. Grey rock. You have no idea what happened to them. Look confused if it even comes up. Do not replace them, do not hide them (very guilty behavior, you will get caught). Don't let the anxiety win. If they blame you, file it under all the other things they blame you for that are ridiculous and try not to let it get to you. Embody the mindset that "being in trouble" is not real. Also you did not break his binoculars. Go method acting level if you have to. Not something you have anything to do with. Push this out of your mind. This is a very small, minor, unimportant thing that you are letting grow into a huge monster in your head, and i know that because you came here to post about it as if it's a real issue you need advice with when the actual issue you need help with if your entire living situation with you shit brother and mother (you need to leave ASAP by any and all means or you need to become a huge bitch and put them in their place which sounds unlikely, so you should leave)

No. 419673

>>419538
Try mushrooms

No. 419720

Have you ever notice that male family members try to discourage you from reaching financial or career milestones by pointing out that money won’t make you happy?

No. 419729

>>419720
I kind of wish my family was like this. Instead I get to hear that I'm a disappointment constantly because everyone else is in computer programming or a doctor.

No. 419730

>>419720
No but
>you need to go studying nothing you can do without education
>didnt get a job yet? you know looks real bad in the cv
>how much are you paid for that? haha not that much for that education

Then finally end up in a higher paying job than my father and now it is
>why dont you have a bf
>you are old enough to have babies already

I guess the advice would be just tell them to fuck off kek.

No. 419745

>>419720
Yeah my dad does this. He discourages me from working or trying to go after money, because he wants for us to be financially dependent on him, or at least that's what me and my sister theorise. He also never provided any emotional support or love to us other than in the form of money, so we think it's like his way of staying "relevant" to us in our lives if that makes sense. Maybe he's afraid that without us needing his money there will be nothing that we need from him anymore

No. 419751

I posted about this in the vent thread a year ago and I'm still not over it.

>live with mom, sister, and her bf. see the bf as family after 2 years of living together

>looking back he starts being weird in ways I don't notice because I'm autistic and stupid
>culminates in him going to my room at night to tell me he wants to eat me out
>play it off so he leaves my room and talk to my sister about it when I get a chance, she sides with him, in fact turns out he had already told her that he was thinking that way about me and she just wasn't going to tell me that a man living in the same house as me was having those thoughts
>I tell my mom I'm moving ASAP because of it so she kicks him out instead. sister moves out with him to his mom's tiny apartment, taking two of our dogs with them without telling me so I don't get to say goodbye
>to this day they both think I'm overreacting and selfish and too traumatized by men to think clearly. I have not seen my dogs or spoken to either of them since

How do I even heal from this. Am I right to maintain the boundary? Should I just suck it up? My heart is broken, I miss my dogs so much, and of course I miss my sister, too. But the more time passes the less bad I feel for her and the angrier I become. Her stupid moid breaks my and her trust, breaking apart his girlfriend's family because of it, and I'm the crazy, selfish one for "having an emotional response" to it? It's all so unfair I still can't believe it happened. Fuck them both

No. 419755

What is love bombing? Am I being love bombed? The guy I've been seeing casually for the last year and a half has suddenly told me he's been holding back on showing me how he feels about me but doesn't want to hide it anymore. Since then he's been consistent with non sexual physical affection (cheek and forehead kisses, hugs, rubbing my feet, holding hands, braiding my hair etc), he compliments me more, tells me he missed me when we meet up even if we've only been a day apart. I welcome all of this because I've wanted this from him since the beginning but never acted desperate or clingy. We aren't official, we both sleep with other people for fun but keep the emotional intimacy exclusive (this always was a mutual agreement please don't come for me anons I love dick). He told me he loves me and very recently expressed that he does feel possessive over me.
Our sex and chemistry is unreal, we have a wonderful friendship and have so much fun together. It's all perfect but I'm worried it's too good to be true

No. 419757

>>419755
It's not love bombing. You've been in an open relationship for a year and your guy is sick of getting cucked

No. 419785

Scrote ive been seeing:

Pros:
>says i'm like a greek goddess
>treats me like one
>does anything I ask
>spends money on me without a second thought
>i tried to break it off and he grovelled like a dog to have a bit of my attention
>doesnt watch anime
>doesnt play vidya

Cons:
>his place is nasty
>he smokes
>he drinks
>he's out of shape

I guess I could keep him as a pet. I haven't told him to clean his bachelor apartment, stop smoking and drinking, and drop some weight. I'm certain he would. But it's nasty to me that he hasn't automatically done so. Whenever I see him, I have to wash the man stink out of my clothes, hair, skin. Maybe it's not worth it.

No. 419791

>>419785
The personal grooming and hygiene issues sound more extreme than just needing to shape up his beard. In my experience when people are that far gone it’s indicative of deeper set issues that aren’t necessarily easy to treat. Not worth it imo

No. 419794

>>419785
>I haven't told him to
>I'm certain he would
I'm stupid so I'd try to fix him kek, where else are you going to find a moid who doesn't play video games. Then again if grooming himself, excersise and cleaning doesn't come naturally to him maybe that doesn't bode well for the long term even if he agrees to it initially.

No. 419798

>>419757
KEK Nona should keep cucking him though

No. 419799

>>419785
Tell him to wash himself. If he doesn't then replace him with another moid

No. 419802

>>419785
Also nona keep in mind that an unwashed and desperate for attention moid might be an incel he just tries hes best not to show it because he hopes you will fuck him one day. He could have some gross hentai on his computer or something.

No. 419804

>>419755
Love bombing is way over the top excessive attention/praise/gifts etc. to secure you, it doesn't sound like that's what's happening.

No. 419808

>>419785
If you have to tell him to wash his ass you shouldn't date him

No. 419869

My friend of about 5 years ghosted me again, this time after I talked too much about my thoughts on a show. Maybe she’ll talk to me again after a while, idk. She’s the kind of person that is super affectionate with me while we’re speaking (we currently live long distance) and in person, but will suddenly just stop talking to me at times. I’m not sure if it’s personal or not? I really like her as a person. But this does hurt. I feel paranoid all my other friends hate me whenever something like this happens. Should I just let it go? Is this friendship worth it?

No. 419875

>>419720
I think men but into the false narrative that women are career driven at the expense of relationships. Truth is you have to be somewhat competitive with regards to career choice in the West if you want a lifestyle that’s an upgrade from living with flatmates and catching the bus everywhere.

No. 419914

>>419869
All sorts of different things or reasons could be causing that behaviour that might have nothing to do with you. If I were in your shoes I'd probably just try to ask her about it, you've got nothing to lose if you're already planning to let the friendship go anyway.

No. 419954

I feel pretty unsatisfied with many of my friendships. It's not as though I think my current friends are shitty people or aren't good friends, but I feel so unfulfilled. Like having to put effort into carrying the conversation, acting interested in what the other person is saying, etc. I know those are natural parts of when you want to be friends with someone, but it gets exhausting. I often find myself questioning whether it's worth putting all this effort if it doesn't feel satisfying. And then other times I feel very guilty and tell myself that my friends probably aren't hanging out with me as much because I'm not being a good enough friend and that maybe things would feel more fulfilling if I tried harder. Because there are many times I do feel lonely and it also sucks not having anyone at all to talk to.

For example, I have a friend who recently asked if she could come visit me in October and stay for the weekend and my gut was saying that I didn't want her to come, but then at the same time I thought to myself that I always complain about being lonely so I should be open to having her come to make memories together. I'm not sure what to do. Why do most of my friendships feel this way?

No. 420020

How do you stop craving a relationship? How do you stop wanting friendship? I put up with retards because I'm lonely. No matter how many times I tell myself I will always be alone and need to get used to it, I can't. How do I make the need for other people go away?

No. 420049

>>420020
idk I don't think it's possible. Humans are social and need to rely on each other for a lot of things. Also being alone all the time causes a lot mental health issues and even early onset dementia. I take mushrooms they help dealing with loneliness for a while but the need is still there and all of my relationships with people are very defective, I often feel like they are NPCs in Oblivion or something and not real people..

No. 420052

>>420020
I have autism so my advice might not mean much, but just remembering how much i would humiliate myself in order to get friends was enough to put me off for good. Also having solitary hobbies and interests are also good at keeping you busy and distracting you.

No. 420081

>>420020
Get a dog. All the affection none of the human drama.

No. 420108

>>417781
My mother has messaged me saying her boss has called her to tell her she cant have the time off shes requested because the new hire has asked for the same time off.
My mother has said thats not her issue and that her time off is already approved so she wont be there.

I guess we will see what ends up happening in the end.
I've asked if she has made a plan for what my parents are doing yet, as its only 34 days away now.
Just trying to Hakuna matata it.

No. 420114

>>420049
>I often feel like they are NPCs in Oblivion or something and not real people
Sounds like you should quit mushrooms

No. 420118

>>420114
No thanks, it's not my fault people lost the ability to have normal conversations after covid

No. 420128

File: 1722339039444.jpg (116.42 KB, 1093x623, theend.jpg)

>>420108
>>417781
I'm finally done, I guess I just had to hit a breaking point which is this. I'm not even sad anymore, just numb. I just hope she doesn't do any sighing of "I wish I was there for it" afterwards.
No clue where she got the 6th from, I've told her 7 times in that chat that the due date is the 2nd of September, no history of 6th even being mentioned.
Thanks to those who commented advice. Sucks this is how it turned out.

No. 420137

>>420128
sorry nonna. you did what you could but you can't make irresponsible, self-centered people change no matter how hard you try. it's probably better that they aren't around anyway to ruin what should be a happy time for you.

No. 420236

i'm in a really shit situation at the minute. i'm 18 years old and i haven't applied to any universities intending to save up money, get a job, figure out what uni course i want to do and move out safely from my shitty muslim family. now i'm unable to do that because despite my mum's approval earlier in the year, she's not letting me take a gap year and now i'm being forced to go to university in september when i have zero clue of what to even do for my future and of course, my plans to move out have been squashed. i'm literally being forced to pick any random course and my mum's reasoning for this is because one, she doesn't want me to laze out the whole year, she thinks gap years are embarrassing, and three because her housing benefits (welfare) will be reduced. i told her i was willing to make up for the deductions as i have a job interview on friday but she's not listening and she's still firm on me going to university. i'm aware i sound whiny as shit but i'm really not ready for university at all. my whole teen years have been tainted by bulimia, depression and OCD and i don't know what the fuck i even want to do in life despite being a high achiever. even if i were to figure what i wanted to do, my mental health is so shit atm going on a gap year would've done wonders for me. if i even start uni my grades will be shit and i was hoping university would be the place where i would be able to free myself from my shitty overbearing mother but yeah, doesn't seem to be the case anymore. it's all this pressure and rushing and control from my mother that's making me feel suffocated and garbage. i've been stressing non stop about this for weeks. i just want to run away from my problems but i know that's a bad idea because i'm broke, currently have no jobs and no friends willing to house me. i don't know what to do anymore. i'm in the UK btw if that's relevant

No. 420238

>>420236
Apply to your local job centres and see what jobs they might have, it makes no sense to waste 3 to 5 to 7 years in a course if you don't complete it or if you don't become proficient in what you're studying

No. 420522

>>420236
Idk if this will make you feel better or not but the job market is so shit that nothing you pick will get you a job. So pick something you can stick to without going insane and which is easy for you to do. I'm 99% sure your mum pulled the bait and switch because she's scared of you running off and leaving her retarded narc ass alone, so bear in mind that she'll do everything possible to belittle you and stress you out no matter what you pick. You need to learn to tune her out or she'll destroy your life.
Get a job and pretend you're going to uni classes. Just get any job that works with your uni hours, nothing on the weekends. Go to the jobcentre and see if they can help. If your mum has access to your bank account definitely open a new one and ask the jobcentre if you can ask for the card to be sent to them instead, I know they can accept post for homeless people so I imagine they'd be understanding of your situation. They also hold jobs fairs where you're guaranteed an interview and could leave with a job offer if you're worried about getting a job quickly.
Say what your mum wants to hear, lie through your teeth if you have to, explain nothing, just pretend you're a puppet and go through the motions. You've got 3+ years to save up and move out, make the most of it. She's going to orchestrate some big holiday or event or tragedy that you'll have to pay for so you can't leave, please bear that in mind and keep quiet about having a job or even having any money at all. Complain constantly about not being able to afford stuff. Put any savings you have into an ISA so nobody can touch it. Accept that you're going to be the embarrassment of the family for a while, it's the price you pay for being able to leave once you finish your studies.

No. 420537

Instead of asking for advice, I'm going to give some advice. Nonnies, don't marry and have kids with a guy that has any mental illness whatsoever. You will end up like my mom who is now stuck with two severely (much more than the father) mentally ill children and a manchild that barely interacts with her. My brother's existence is suffering, my existence is suffering, and my mom doesn't even enjoy my dad's presence. And she's stuck in the middle of this for the rest of her life. My mom is a creative, goofy, clever, free-spirited woman and she's never going to be able to live the type of life that would be fulfilling to her. Because she picked a moid that was slightly off. Don't do it.

No. 420540

>>420537
Your mother 100% has mental health issues of her own like codependency otherwise she wouldn't have married someone so unhealthy or have left.

No. 420545

>>420236
pretend you're applying to college but don't actually dco it, go to the job interview and get a job and move out like you planned. pretend to play along with your mother but just don't actually do it

No. 420562

>>420540
she doesn't actually, she's the most un-mentally ill person I've ever met in my life which is astounding considering the people she lives with every day.
I guess I didn't make it super clear, but what I meant in my post is that to her, my dad appeared like a normal good guy who just went through a bout of depression for a couple years in college and every now and then is a little weird about something in a quasi-Asperger's-lite kind of way. Relatively harmless though, right? No big deal? Wrong! Very very wrong!
You don't want any of those sorts of genes in your kids. You never know if they will amplify.

No. 420582

>>420562
healthy people don't put up with bullshit like this

No. 420593

File: 1722504925295.jpg (110.65 KB, 500x423, cfb74919ef6a50170ccba2d284c832…)

Hey nonnies, I need some friend advice. We have been friends for almost two years, we met online and thats the only way we communicate. A few months ago he went on a short trip and met some people there, we were talking about that yesterday and how he has their instagram but doesnt really talk to them. I asked him what his instagram was and then he completelly changed the subject (He sent me a random picture) I felt really bad that he gave his instagram to some people he barely knew and refuses to give it to me that I've known him for much longer. Its not only just that but how he instead of telling me something like "I dont feel comfortable doing that" or something like that he just sent me something random. He does that a lot where I ask him stuff and he replies different things to not answer my question (I dont ask overly personal stuff btw). He always makes me feel like im doing something wrong and that I care more about our friendship than he does.
I told him I think its better if we stop talking for a while, am I doing the right thing? I guess it would be dramatic if it was just about him not wanting to give me his instagram, but its more about what the whole thing means to me. I also want to know what would you do in my situation, should I unfriend him after the few days pass?
Thank you so much and if the nonnies need more context im happy to give it ♥

No. 420596

>>420593
Sounds like typical time thief who is using you to satisfy his needs of interacting with someone of the opposite gender.

No. 420599

>>420596
Do you think so nonna? He never made any inappropiate comments and even said that thats not a topic we should talk about. But I do agree that maybe im just wasting my time worrying so much about it if it means so little to him

No. 420603

>>420599
Moids love to waste women's time, it boosts their ego even if they don't plan anything serious with them. He is probably doing this also to gain experience. As long as you benefit from this interaction that's acceptable. Otherwise there is no point.

No. 420613

>>420582
Ok. I’m sure you, random internet anon, know my mom better than me. Kek.

No. 420698

>>420613
No it's just a rule of thumb. No person with a healthy sense of self worth would allow themselves to become stuck for the rest of their because of circumstances that other people create in their life. If she stays in this situation she must get something out of it as well as see no reason to fight for a better life hence unwell. A lot of people idealize their mother's struggle and pity them when they decide to not make better decisions for themselves, so I understand your POV, but I doubt she is as healthy as you say.

No. 420782

>>420613
she's right though… hate to break it to you

No. 420804

i don't know who to talk to about this, but i think i'm ready to permanently give up on radical feminism. it doesn't feel like its giving me anything of substance anymore, and the community that i am in just seems to get more and more toxic over time. like i'm sure this is quite common within any community out there on earth, but its wearing me down and i just don't even feel like i am able to even find like minded women on it anymore. it seems like it is slowly morphing into liberal feminism 2.0 with the way some women on it are crying about the fact that they absolutely should be with men while still being a radical feminist, and there are orbiters that come in to chastise me for being a disgusting lesbian, even comparing me to men at times. it was so hard to come to terms with this, and even now, i'm still struggling with my sexuality. but the horrible homophobic comments that keeps coming my way is too much and i end up so depressed after the exchanges. i also see other women openly wearing loads of makeup, getting botox, so on so forth, yet are still accepted in these spaces. i feel like i'm just losing my mind and my faith in all of this.

i also just think that always reading and coming across news articles and shared shit about male violence and women getting victimized and how hopeless it all feels. i feel like i've reached my limit. i don't even learn anything new, just seeing endless fucking drama over and over again and women acting like you're broken or a loser for having absolutely ZERO desire for dating men.

i feel like it has served me well in the beginning, when i got to learn about amazing things like learning to stand up for myself against men, how to look out for signs of sexual harassment or oncoming assault, being happy with my bare face or body hair, etc. but now, i just can't be fucked to fight against the system anymore - majority of women don't want things to change, at least not to such a dramatic fashion, and maybe it's for a good reason.

am i in the wrong for feeling like this? should i cut my losses and move on with my life? tbh i can't really think of any other strains of feminism that could help me navigate this world anymore as a woman, and i'm scared of getting burned again.

No. 420840

>>420804
hi, fellow lesbian who took a step back from radfem community here. I relate a lot to what you said

>it seems like it is slowly morphing into liberal feminism 2.0

As ideologies/movements get more popular, the more it gets normies/mainstream members who dilute the community and what it stands for. I remember when radblr would regularly critique PIV in the early-mid 2010s, nowadays it's teeming with fauxbians and fauxbis attacking each other while straight women call all of us disgusting and moidlike for not sucking dick. Many popular/high profile radfem/-aligned users have left or taken a step back from the radsphere as normies, reject libfems, and blackpilled schizos polluted the discussion sphere in the race to validate their victim complex the most
>i feel like it has served me well in the beginning
Me too, it really helped me internalize that my femaleness is neutral and minimize my dysphoria. Learning more about female history, reading snippets of and then actual full feminist theory etc were great ways to view the world through a female-centered lens.
I'm personally still interested in fighting the system, but right now as a young adult I need to build up my resources and connections first. Money, people, cultivating a network of female friends who support each other, etc. It doesn't all have to be bra-burnings or organizing political rallies. A lot of normie women imo have been turned off from the male-worship that passes for feminism these days so I think more "stealth" feminism will do wonders in reaching them.
>am i in the wrong for feeling like this?
No, any community can turn toxic and/or not be a good fit anymore. I also took a step back and only follow chiller rad-aligned women who mostly blog about their days and post pretty pictures and music. It's great to see 99% memes again instead of doompilling receipts of misogyny that we all already know about
>should i cut my losses and move on with my life?
Yes, take the good and leave the bad. No one is or should be imo sticking close to one ideology and/or community their whole life. Radical feminism is no different.

No. 420872

>>420804
radical feminism definitely has been psyoped and taken over by conservative right wing women who hate men, hence the sudden wave of homophobia and general retardation in radfem adjacent communities, even on lolcow. I no longer feel comfortable with the community for the exact same reasons.

No. 420904

>>420872
I love how everyone’s solution to an attempted right wing takeover is just to roll over and let them have the label that has been important to the movement for 50+ years. Makes zero sense to me but I see everyone doing it. Personally my reaction to “I’m going to call my right-wing-self a label meant for radical feminists and proceed to act like a misogynist clown” isn’t
>okay… I guess you can have it… I’m leaving the movement… goodbye everyone
it’s
>fuck no, I’m going to lead by example what this movement is really about.

No. 420906

>>420872
I've been extremely uncomfortable by the ever growing homophobia here, even when it's just directed towards gay men. Yeah yeah, gay moids are still moids, I know, but I really don't like the use of some words and phrases, and you know they will turn against SSA and GNC women someday.

No. 420908

How do I cope with the fact that there are no people who are kind 100% of the time and that disempowering others and treating people differently based on worth is just a thing well-adjusted people do? I was raised that good = nice and the worst thing you could do is be mean to somebody so naturally teen years were rough and I never had a group to just learn how to be a girl with. I also need knowledge on spotting manipulation and gaslighting that “everybody knows but nobody says” because it’s been fucking with my head thinking about how society is built on lies, sabotage, and domination, and how I’ve been barred the truth in order to keep me small and self-hating. I thought I got over all of this after high school but finally coming to terms with the “find your tribe! people stop doing that in adulthood! there are people who are nice!” meme being another lie is a fucking blackpill. This is shit everybody has known since they were 12 but I guess Ive always been too tistic and maladaptive daydreaming to notice/absorb.

No. 420912

Does anyone here sell feet pics and could give me some advice on whether I should or shouldn’t do it?
I am UK based, if that makes a difference?
I want a secondary income, I work full time and I crochet but could never do it fast enough to sell items. Unless I sold tea coasters and hair scrunchies.

No. 420915

>>420804
>they absolutely should be with men while still being a radical feminist
>wearing makeup and still being feminist
Where did this idea that you have to be lesbian or pretend to be lesbian (spoiler, latter is much more common in 'pure' radfem circles, always has been even in decades past) to be a radfem come from? Or that all it takes to change and fight the feminine corset is not wearing makeup (a pretty superficial thing). I fully understand where you come from but the idea that you have to somehow mold your sexuality or act like a nun-soldier is exactly what leads to this state of affairs. If these hyper-online radfems accepted that they could be straight and even gasp enjoy sexuality, it wouldn't come out in weird ways, like obsessing over moids or being straight up lesbophobic (because they can actually never live up to their asexual ideal, and resent genuine SSA when they see it). Radical feminism is for all women, if you think of it as a club for likeminded women, you will get burned or abused by the more deranged elements because they are not interested in political action, only maintaining a bubble and the power that comes with it. Perhaps what will help is thinking of it as a framework for action, not a social milieu

No. 420930

>>420906
This isn't the first time I'm seeing this "lolcow is becoming homophobic and anons are going to turn on GNCs and lesbians", and I can't tell whether it's the same 3 users posting about this over and over or if it's actually a common concern. I don't really get it or see it happening all that often. Maybe it's because I don't frequent edgy threads like the Unpopular Opinions one?
But either way, disliking gay scrotes, and especially bisexual ones, has been normal here since the website was made. You can look at threads from years ago and find plenty of posts complaining about them. If you scroll far enough you'll find ancient threads from back when scrotes were still allowed to post, it's insane to see kek. It's usually not because of homophobia in the sense of "being SSA is wrong". There are some homophobe-chans around here who hate all LGB people because they think it's a sin or whatever, but I'm pretty sure the average gay moid hater hates them for their maleness and everything that entails, like their unique brand of misogyny - including how modern day fags fucking hate lesbians, outspoken perversion, sex and porn addiction, bisexual ones cheating and giving their female partners STDs… I could keep going. Lesbians aren't even comparable to them, because they are women. Even lesbian TIFs are often pitied for their obvious internalized homophobia instead of actually hated.
Just don't let it bother you too much and stay away from threads that attract right wing newfags who only use lc for its anonymity to rant about trannies.

No. 420939

>>420912
The feet pic market is saturated, there's no point in starting now.

No. 420942

>>420915

you do raise some great points and while i see how separatism or celibacy from men can be very beneficial for straight women (there's statistical reports and articles to back this up), sometimes i do feel sorry for straight women who feel conflicted between wanting to be a proper radfem while also feeling sexual attraction to their oppressors. i could never imagine being exclusively attracted to the one group who hates me, so i get it in some way. i also feel like a woman wearing nail polish or just a bit of mascara before going out isn't going to destroy the radfem label kek, so again, i agree. i think maybe that's what it comes down to, they see lesbians like me being able to enjoy sex and relationships without worrying about the patriarchal getting inside the bedroom (of course they ignore the homophobia i have to face outside of it but whatever) and that they're the ones who have to abstain and be unhappily single while i get to have fun.

in the end, though, reading the other replies, i've realized that all of this is probably a sign that i need to get out and focus on other areas in my life. i feel happy that there are a lot of normie women who express surprisingly radical beliefs about men, so i don't think it would be difficult to find gender critical friends who are just quiet about it unless i ask them directly in private. thanks.

No. 420948

File: 1722614662483.jpg (63.24 KB, 959x1280, 1399225.jpg)

>>420908

this is going to sound cringe but to be honest with you, the nicest people i have ever met in my life were the ones who had so called 'obscure' hobbies and interests. they're too busy with these things to be mean or starting drama for the lols. things like certain anime circles for female fans, art, drama clubs, archery, botanics, equine sports, photography, nature and hiking, so on so forth, can expose you to nicer people to befriend. of course there's always going to be bad players where ever you go and that's a given, but the point is to minimize that effect as much as possible. i feel like the meanest people tend to gather in groups like these:

>groups with women where they expect you to be hyper-feminine, such as makeup fanatics or celebrity gossip

>certain sports groups that are very popular, such as american football (the stereotype exists for a reason)
>groups that are centered around boy bands - i remember back then of getting bullied by a number of girls on a website that catered to listening to emo bands at the time and i feel like it's because when a man or a group of men are at the center of something, it creates this tension within women to start tearing each other apart. its sad because all i wanted was to share music things with other women, but they were just pissed that i seemed like a happy go-lucky chick who's not interested in 'sexually competing' against them for these moids who 80% would never even learn their names lmao.
>pop psychology. i SWEAR, you will find the most psychotic people in it, and i've been dealt with so many of them when i got into MBTI years ago like a retard. any group that focuses on ~studying people~ will yield horrible people in it. you know that stereotype that the most unhinged people tend to enjoy studying majors like psychology in college? that meme exists for a reason.
>fandoms where, again, a man or a group of men are the focus of it. there may be exceptions to this rule, but it's rare and you have to be careful.

i was like you once. nowadays, i expect little to nothing from people, and it's helped me with not feeling too much pain whenever or if someone decides they don't like me or try to start shit with me. i also recommend really start becoming your own best friend, getting to know yourself, live with yourself (or by yourself if you have the financial means to do so), do hobbies on your own.. to cultivate a strong sense of independence so that even if you end up with just a very few friends who are nice to you, that's all you need.

No. 420967

>>420948
not that anon but this is beautiful thank you nonna

No. 420996

>>420942
>and that they're the ones who have to abstain and be unhappily single while i get to have fun.
I've seen this sentiment before, i wouldn't be surprised if this resentment build-up let to cope like 'lesbians are kinda malebrained ewww'.
> i need to get out and focus on other areas in my life. i feel happy that there are a lot of normie women who express surprisingly radical beliefs about men
Couldn't agree more. Good luck nona!

No. 421050

>>420939
Yeah I know, it does slightly put me off.. but I had an ex with a foot fetish and he would literally wait until I was asleep to fap over them. Foot fetish moids are out there and all I’d have to do is get the attention of a few. (I know that’s wishful thinking/naivety, but moids are moids, you can’t argue with that)
I just don’t really know where to start.
Maybe I should sell crochet stuff..

No. 421200

I have so much freedom as a single woman but can’t muster up the motivation to do anything with it. How do I change my mindset?

No. 421208

>>420930
>This isn't the first time I'm seeing this "lolcow is becoming homophobic and anons are going to turn on GNCs and lesbians", and I can't tell whether it's the same 3 users posting about this over and over or if it's actually a common concern. I don't really get it or see it happening all that often. Maybe it's because I don't frequent edgy threads like the Unpopular Opinions one?
NTA but the most recent confessions thread was full of posters shitting on lesbians, it's like half the posts there, and the last two Amerifag threads had a bunch of shit about how wanting a career/wanting to work is 'manly'

No. 421231

>>421208
>wanting a career/wanting to work is 'manly'
God I hope these were just some trolls or moids, but unfortunately FDS can sometimes veer into tradthotism with the "get that bag" shit.
what does it even have to do with America?

No. 421266

I have a sensitive aunt and I'm in this situation I can't stand. I am low contact with my family so I've avoided having my boyfriend (who I'll be marrying in a couple of months privately) meet my extended family. I visited my aunt with my boyfriend last month (he has only briefly met her once before). We all talked about my family, how I'm low contact with my parents, etc. Well. My boyfriend and I were looking for a witness and at this lunch, my boyfriend (without consulting with me) asked my aunt to be our witness at this lunch we had together. I was a little annoyed because he asked my aunt in front of me and we didn't talk about it before. But I was fine with this in theory because she said she wouldn't tell my parents, etc. although I am concerned because she tends to want favors in return. I told my boyfriend this and the history of me suspecting my aunt has BPD and at least delusions for sure (she used to think her phones were bugged by her work, a school, and she would check for microphones everywhere, although she hasn't exhibited this behavior lately so I'm not sure if she's on meds or knows to not voice her delusions anymore). She also gets slighted very easily. Anyway, we went to her house a couple of weeks later to pick up stuff from my late grandmother and the issue I'm facing now is related to a cruise. A week before us meeting in person, she asked me and my bf for help on a work assignment because it relates to our work. Fine, I was a little worried because I've basically gone from zero contact to increased contact with my aunt all of a sudden, but whatever. She then tells me how she wants to know if we want to go on a cruise with her in December. My boyfriend is not a traveling sort so I told her I'd talk with my boyfriend about it and that we'd see. I didn't want to say no immediately and I certainly didn't want to say "yes". I don't care either way about this cruise, I only worry it may make her want to be closer to me. I told my boyfriend about this and he didn't really respond or seem interested, but he was definitely aware of this.

Well, at the time we went over to her house, she starts talking about this cruise. My boyfriend acts positively towards the idea the entire conversation and I'm not saying much because I'm thinking "well, fuck, I guess we're doing this" due to what he's saying. He literally selects the destination of the cruise and he's all into it.

Cue to now and I tell him how we need to get our passports for this cruise and he says he doesn't want to go. I got annoyed and frustrated at him because now I have to be the bearer that we won't be going on this trip. I am annoyed that he makes me look flakey and it pisses me off that he with my relatives is almost too eager to please or some shit. I rip him a new one and tell him that he needs to say "no" and he needs to NOT COMMIT with certain people and I told him how my aunt was (note that he seemed dubious of how I described her) beforehand so it's like, take that information into your conversations with her. She is sensitive and I'm annoyed I may get into drama now with her because of HIS actions. It makes me so annoyed because I've talked shit onto dudes that do this to their wives.

How do I go about telling my aunt? Is a text okay? Should I call? She will try to make me say "yes". I don't want to make either of us look bad even though it is my boyfriend's fault. I do get a bit of the ick from him because of this, but we've been together 5+ years and usually he isn't so stupid (it seems…)

No. 421273

>>421208
Nta but those types of women make me kek as someone with a SAHM mother who had no college degree and is still financially dependent to this day on moids. My mom is a massive pickme and thinks marriage is the end-all goal for me BUT she always stressed going to college and having my own savings account. I feel like the majority of women who are financially dependent grew up in an opposite situation where either their mothers were single & really struggled financially or educated career women. Only when you grow up with a SAHM who is a financial prisoner do you really see how bad this arrangement is.

No. 421316

I bought those Chinese fruity alcoholic beverages as a mistake with my mom, no one drinks. What should I do with them? Maybe there's a way to evaporate the alcohol and make popsicle

No. 421380

>>421266
Oh no! Your boyfriend is sick and can't go. It's so sad and both of you were really looking forwards to this trip! It's a horrible sickness that involves whatever symptoms most gross her out. It's really unfortunate, he caught it at work, half his team is off sick. It's pretty contagious.
>>421050
If you're that set on using scrotes with disgusting fetishes as a way to make extra cash, make an AI bot army to do the work for you. Lurch is guaranteed to send you a few bucks.

No. 421441

I been really horny for my coworker. I’m moving soon and had my last day at work at friday. We have had great chemistry and he told me I’m have been his favorite coworker and asked me for my instagram. I went out that evening and after a few drinks I decided to ask him if he wanted to go out for a drink someday and he told me he was free on Sunday. I had so much anxiety that he will confront me and reject me. We have a 8 year age gap but he’s greek and based on my prejudice he probably wouldn’t mind that. I have almost only been with women before and the last time I sleep with a man I had a manic episode. I don’t know if I should cancel. Has anyone here hooked up with a coworker?

No. 421457

>>421441
Do you know if he’s single? 100% of the time I have a crush at work, they’re married or engaged kek

No. 421462

>>421457
>100% of the time I have a crush at work, they’re married or engaged kek
Another woman has done the work of making him attractive. When one of my colleagues was single he an introverted gamer. Once he got a serious gf (now wife) he started putting more effort into his appearance and taking up hobbies.

No. 421569

>>421200
maybe you just haven't found the right thing that motivates you yet. is there something you've always wanted to do, or a hobby that you think you might be fun to try out? developing an interest in something can have a snowball effect that leads you to becoming more active and driven in other aspects of your life.

No. 421713

Is it worth getting your tonsils taken out because of tonsil stones?

No. 421730

>>421713
ask a doctor. tonsil stones are a prime target for obsessive picking that exacerbates the problem and you won't find sane answers on an anonymous image board. they shouldn't be that much of an issue, unless they are for some underlying reason? and you'd need a doctor to take your tonsils out anyway so just ask a doctor.

No. 421808

How do I become comfortable in my own company?

No. 421819

>>421808
Meditate every day for an hour

No. 421840

>>420128
Since this post shes changed plans twice. I just say ok each time and dont ask for further elaboration. Shes asked to call tomorrow to discuss her travel plans. Guess I'll see how that does lol

No. 421897

>>421380
The thing is, the cruise is in December and it is August now. I would rather come up with an excuse now

No. 421906

how do I get over being embarassed to be with a younger guy (19 , im 21. met at college) . everything is good , hes hot and i have nothing to complain about but yeah ive had the idea ingrained in me that being a woman with a slightly young man is unsightly while the other way around is normal. I know this is so autistic of me and that i shouldnt gaf but still

No. 421918

File: 1722896715296.jpeg (217.65 KB, 679x420, 83E371CB-924D-4B3D-B13B-F9CFB7…)

how do I gain some self respect? I keep getting into relationships with unattractive abusive moids because of my low self esteem. I’m embarrassing myself.I have been celibate for nearly a year because of this, but still engage in self destructive compulsive behaviours like incessant posting on social media. I put a lot of effort into myself but it is all cancelled out by the fact its glaringly obvious I don’t love myself. I try and read self help stuff but I need an actual concrete list of things I can put into action because that’s the only way I can help myself

No. 421921

>>421906
Just remember that you're lucky tbh, 25 years old moids look like shit, enjoy your young boyfriend before he hits the wall with the strength of ten thousands gigapascals.

No. 421930

>>421906
That's not an age gap at all, the difference in years is negligible. I get how you would develop these thoughts but 1-2 years of difference is really nothing, men go for women significantly younger than themselves all the time. A woman being older, especially by only 1-2 years is nothing new or unusual either. My maternal grandmother was older than my grandfather by 3 years, H.P. Lovecraft's wife was a whopping 7 years older than him if you want a really old example.

No. 421931

>>421906
Unless you hate yourself and other women and think all our value is in our youth, you need to just ignore the brainwashing and proceed with your literal SAME FUCKING AGE bf. I can't emphasize enough how tiny of an age gap that is and how retarded it is to worry about it, that's not even getting into the internalized misogyny of it all.

No. 421938

My parents don’t like that I’m single but advise against using online dating. What the hell is their issue with me being proactive in finding a man? I have a date this weekend from Bumble.

No. 421988

>>406927
nona i really hope you see this belated reply, because you are/were me

i am getting a bachelor's in economics and statistics at university. i ended up switching majors from another thing after my first year of university. i had to take statistics + data analysis courses in year 1 for the previous major i was doing, and i found it really interesting and it clicked in my brain somehow, and i did a lot better in those classes than my other ones that i realized i didn't give a shit about kek.

i was bad at math also and i did not try at it previously. my education was interrupted as a kid so i did have some knowledge gaps, but i just internalized being not a math person so much that i talked myself out of ever putting in sincere effort. honestly i just spent a ton of time re-learning the basics, reviewing secondary school books and khan academy and i was able to catch up pretty decently. if you can grasp rules/logic/foundational concepts of math you can catch up. it takes literally just drilling and memorizing rules to get good at math.

i just finished a data analytics internship this summer. it was virtual and full-time, for an actuarial risk analysis consulting company. basically it involved learning a huge set of complex calculations and rules (like tax rules almost) and applying + evaluating them, with some time spent writing up results.

all of the statistics, econ, data analytics courses i have taken have let us use calculators for the actual math calculations, or we do it in the software we are using. what you need to do is understand how to identify what evaluations to perform, what rules to follow for this kind of thing or that kind of thing, by which rules to interpret the results.

>have never taken a statistics class in your life

>you have the opportunity to earn a bachelor's in data analytics and attend many boot camps
well, that problem solves itself, no?

>know nothing about excel, SQL, powerBI, or python

you can learn all on the internet for free if you want to. youtube has so many tutorials from beginner to advanced. khan academy has most of these. my first semester had a methodology of data analytics course which taught us just how to use the software we needed, & introductory statistics also had this. you should check the specifics of your prospective programme and see, but i bet it would have some similar option.

>speaking of, I am really bad at math kek

no one will be asking you to do algebra in your head on the spot; most basic math is done in excel/sql for you. but, you will want a good grounding of probability + statistics, linear algebra, and calculus, but honestly, you don't need to be a wizard at it. most of your stakeholders probably wont even know basics. 90% of KPIs are ratios, counts, averages, linear regression, unless specialized or required to do A/B testing (which isnt all that hard). you will be fine. data science needs more of the math skills; analytics is more requiring the ability to detect patterns. looking at a dataset you should be able to tell if something is off. mathematical thinking helps with this structured data intuition. to extrapolate from the data with a correct understanding you basically just need to have a foundational understanding of the rules of math, and not make major mathematical errors.

if you are weak in these concepts - do math courses online, or take preparatory courses before you start a bachelor's (summer? gap year?) and obviously do the boot camps you've got access to! the math requirement in an early statistics/probability class shouldn't generally be very high.

you can do it, it might be tough but if youre willing to put the work in, you CAN learn these things
and if you want this - you can achieve it. how long would it take for you to learn stats, review basic math, software/programming languages needed, do classes or w/e to get you ready for it, and attain a bachelor's? maybe it takes like 3-5 years, but… the time will pass anyway, so you can either work towards your goal and give your future self more knowledge/experience/skills, or just be 3-5 years older without having tried to learn these things. dont tell yourself you cant do it, tell yourself you will learn and you can, and then just do it

>job that I could eventually go remote for, earn a great living, and have a good worklife balance (to spend time doing hobbies I'm actually passionate about

this is what i am going for also, and i believe in us nonna we can both do this!

No. 421990

>>421988
samefagging jfc sorry for the text wall cannot resist autistically yapping about stats into the void
i will add: you can learn the basics of statistical data analysis in jamovi, it's a free and pretty intuitive software to mess around with and you can follow along with the online textbook
https://lsj.readthedocs.io/en/latest/

No. 422036

does anyone here know anything about getting to know themselves? traumatic incidents in my life have made me a shell of a person so to speak and i want to change that in order to help myself get better

No. 422046

>>422036
Journal every day, meditate in silence, engage in creative hobbies, go on long walks or bike rides without music, podcasts etc., practice mindfulness

No. 422050


No. 422254

File: 1723003213562.jpg (274.66 KB, 613x762, 1711353122182.jpg)

it's a bit stupid, sorry, but I kind of want some advice on advocating for myself medically. tomorrow I'm seeing a new primary doctor and have a few issues…

>failing at treatment for my sleep apnea, have never managed to fall asleep with my device; I no longer have a sleep doctor and can't afford one

>struggling at getting by in general due to extreme exhaustion, fainting a lot
>bunch of really weird new symptoms probably due to stress (i.e., sometimes I now get cramps that make it hard to move and my eyelid has been twitching for a month now)
>pretty sure there isn't any specialist that can help me

like…is it ok if I just straight up ask for Modafinil or something like that?
I've never been on meds besides for my asthma and allergy issues and clearly I'm probably never gonna be able to get a good night's rest, I've only had one in my entire life tbh, and I don't really know what else to do anymore.

No. 422298

File: 1723025542086.jpg (127.54 KB, 736x981, GP-T5Q-WIAA4kaM.jpg)

How do you deal with being much happier and relaxed when emotionally isolating yourself, yet also being unable to stop craving deep human connection? My friendships always die because I get bored or overwhelmed, and dating stresses me out and gives me anxiety. Having superficial conversations at work and talking about really personal stuff on here is mostly enough to fulfill my need for platonic relationships, but I miss the emotional and physical intimacy only a romantic one can bring.

No. 422445

How do I approach getting an autism diagnosis as an adult? I keep burning out at simple office jobs and I would like to access workplace accommodations for autism.

No. 422729

Is it possible to move out without any help or a car? The public transit sucks where I am and I'd ideally want to bring more than a backpack. Also I fear I'd back out of doing it because of it being such a hassle. Idk. Any tips are greatly appreciated.

No. 422738

>>422729
Try a moving service or ship your stuff with a courier

No. 422764

>>422729
Seconding shipping your stuff to your new address, moving is a huge pain in the ass. If you don't have very much stuff at all, using suitcases or getting a mover's cart might help, but definitely triple-check that everything's secured and hard to dislodge. You do nooot want to have to stop in the middle of public areas to scramble to pick everything that got scattered off the ground

No. 422788

>>422729
Do you have a drivers license? You could rent a car with a trailer or a moving van. I've moved by myself before using just my small car and a small rented trailer. If you need to move heavy stuff like furniture you can't take apart or a washing machine and you're not on ground floor, I'd probably consider a moving service.

No. 422794

>>422729
I'm currently moving too and if my dad wouldn't help me, I would hire some company to do so. How would you be able to move your furniture on your own? Most stuff is nearly too heavy for 2 people already

No. 422834

File: 1723210406611.jpg (38.99 KB, 1080x1072, 1703801970562283.jpg)

should i kms when i turn 30

is it possible to be conventionally attractive at like 35

is life worth living at your 30s when everyone stops seeing you as a valuable youth and you are just worthless

bonus i am actually autistic so i will be double worthless

No. 422839

>>422834
get off tiktok

No. 422845

>>422839
i am not on there but it is a general societal thing that people in their twenties are valuable for being the youth and everyone else if they are not wealthy are worthless

No. 422848

>>422834
brainrot: the post
you might as well be a moid trolling

No. 422854

File: 1723212032941.png (6.13 MB, 2753x2117, trertztftrrtrrt.png)

>>422848
i agree i am brainwashed but how am i supposed to fight how my brain is conditioned to be?
i was trying to look at pretty older women and parish posted this 20 year comparisson.

how am i supposed to cope with feeling that the younger looks better?
i know it sounds dumb but not having control over my appearance hurts alot

No. 422855

>>422834
I'm not gonna lie, your mindset is cancerous and the less you live the better.

No. 422858

>>422855
whats the point of this thread if you are going to be mean

No. 422859

>>422834
you should do it now

No. 422863

>>422859
why are you being a cunt at me when i know it is wrong but i still feel it

No. 422869

>>422854
Get your eyes checked she looks almost exactly the same, the different lighting makes her nose look slightly longer, she has different make up and she lost a miniscule amount of fat around her eyes. She is also 43 not 30 like you said that you suggest to be not be worth living anymore at.

No. 422872

>>422869
i guess i prefer the old brows so i believe you anon still hurts getting dogpilled itt for already hurting

yeah i am thinking in general after 29 yk

No. 422873

You shouldn't compare yourself to a multimillionaire celebrity that has access to all of the best cosmetic and wellness procedures and nutrition, because you will most likely look much worse than her at that age.
That being said, putting your self worth and value in the hands of other people like that is a recipe for disaster, maybe consider therapy. You probably have some kind of personality disorder.

No. 422877

>>422873
i agree but being ugly has its real world consequences unfortunately like your life quality due to others is worse the uglier you are

idk was just diagnosed tistic but wish i could afford to go back

No. 422879

>>422877
>your life quality due to others is worse the uglier you are

Maybe participate in life first before buying into statements like that. Also if you are this shallow your life is going to be a nightmare so consider working on that

No. 422881

>>422879

tbf my life was worse before i got a nosejob and bleached my hair. Well maybe the reason it is that way is because i am tistic and cant mask so i cant make neurotypicals like me for my personality so shallow is all i have. Idk how it is for you since i assume you are neurotypical

No. 422886

>>422834
you don't need to kill yourself but you do need to seriously examine why your self esteem is so low that you would allow pornsick men to determine your value as a woman

No. 422887

>>422886
it is not just those but also most people but i agree

No. 422888

>>422887
but those are the only people who truly believe that a woman loses any value after turning thirty. if you think your life is over once you age out of your twenties it's because men have led you to believe it.

No. 422893

>>422888
I hear it everywhere like I was watching a woman's yt video and she was like oh you missed your best years to some woman she was commenting on

No. 422902

>>422893
lmao you just listen to what other people tell you to think about yourself? Are you incapable of forming your own opinion? You should seriously think about why you're so underdeveloped internally. It's not the autism. It's very histrionic to base your sense of self worth on other people's validation and ideas of what life is and isn't.

No. 422904

>>422893
You've got the right mindset, don't let these delusional anons keep you from ending your life early so no one is forced to look at your ugly old face. Women hit the wall at 30 and it's completely impossible to be attractive after 30 let alone 35. Hobbies? Career? Travel? Friendships? Family? None of that matters. Never has a woman ever enjoyed her life past 30, in fact your mom and your grandmas have been miserable ever since they've turned 30. As a woman your only value and enjoyment in life is your youth and life stops being worth living when the first wrinkle curses your face. You should kill yourself the day you turn 30. Better start counting down!

No. 422905

>>422863
Why are you asking then if you only want to get one kind of response? Some of us are over 30 and you’re expecting us to put up with being called ugly, worthless and expired while you’re dressing it up as “insecurity uwu”?
Talk to a therapist and keep your poison thoughts to yourself. Not our problem you made your own life miserable and are now trying to infect others with this cancerous bullshit. Go hang out on incel forums where losers will agree with you.

No. 422906

>>422834
You need to be 18 to post here btw

No. 422907

go do some drugs and come back

No. 422909

>>422881
Imagine being ugly, autistic, AND shallow. L

No. 422910

>>422902
I do not disagree but I affects us all to some extent. I am the opposite of histrionic I'm a literal hermit with no socials
>>422905
I never said any of that I asked how to cope with those thoughts stop projecting
>>422904
Autism

No. 422911

>>422909
You are having a meltdown

No. 422912

>>422910
>I am the opposite of histrionic I'm a literal hermit with no socials
Yet you look to some random people online to form opinions for you and have an extreme need for validation (womp womp I'd rather die than be old and ugly)

No. 422915

>>422912
I wanted to hear others experiences and wisdom who have actually lived it. Although the sperging is annoying I do actually appreciate the actual points and want to hear from women in their 30s 40s

No. 422918

File: 1723220435139.png (919.96 KB, 800x800, Screenshot_328.png)

I really hate my voice in recordings but really want to start a youtube channel. Should I just ignore that it sounds so cringe or is ther something I can do about it? I got a decent microphone

No. 422919

>>422910
Says the autist kek. Way to miss the point of the post trying to show you how ridiculous you're being.

It's a choice to only value your looks and completely depend your happiness on your youth and surround yourself with people who feel that way. If you had taken the time to look at and engage with older women you would've seen that it's completely normal to be happy and fulfilled in life after 30, after 40, after 50 etc. Have you ever talked to your older relatives or do you only listen to bullshit on social media?

No. 422922

>>422919
>>422919
I know I just would rather to talk normal. I agree but I keep hearing it everywhere. The only irl also woman I talk to is my mom who keeps reminding me that my clock is ticking . So I guess I will try reddit

No. 422923

>>422918
Do you just sound awkward? If that's all it is, you'll get better with practice. I can think of several youtubers I personally watch that sounded awkward/amateurish in their earlier videos but got much better later on.

No. 422926

>>422923
it just seems that my voice sounds much lower to me when I hear myself speak but in the recording much of the lower end seems to not be there.. I would want my voice to be lower but it's straining.
>I can think of several youtubers I personally watch that sounded awkward/amateurish in their earlier videos but got much better later on.
thank you I will try to practice more then. I sound really childish even though I'm an adult. I'm horrified I actually sound like this to other people..

No. 422927

>>422881
you literally changed your behavior because your appearance changed and people started treating you differently

No. 422931

>>422834
Women are absolutely beautiful in their 30s, kek. I distinctly remember seeing people in their 20s and 30s being called "young people", but it has diseppeared? Why do we want to cut out lifes this much? I don't know what cancer has affected our brains to start to think even 25 is old, now even 20 year old call themselves "old", i wouldn't be surprised people'll start calling 15 year olds in a decade or two. That's insanity. I wouldn't worry until at least 40, or even later, closer to menopause. You won't look that much different at 25 and at 35 if you won't fuck yourself up (and you can fuck yourself up even at 20). You've got time. Just take care of yourself and don't put yourself under immense stresses (like birthing children especially), you'll be fine. People now have the means to age slower than ever. And you'll hear people having retarded opinions all the time, just know this isn't true, it's insane that people expect to be used up at 30.

No. 422933

>>422931
>I don't know what cancer has affected our brains to start to think even 25 is old, now even 20 year old call themselves "old", i wouldn't be surprised people'll start calling 15 year olds in a decade or two

All this while life expectancy is getting longer and people are aging at a much slower rate than previous generations

No. 422937

>>422933
Right? It's just very, very strange.

No. 422942

>>422937
I guess some people are just born old lmao I wonder how people in their 20s calling themselves old will feel about this in 30 years

No. 422951

I haven’t had instagram in YEARS but I downloaded it again to check on old coworkers + my crush. Can people see when I view their profile? I know TikTok has a feature like that.

No. 422961

>>422951
No you are safe. They can see who viewed their story though so careful

No. 422966

>>422834
>>422881
it seems that you have much deeper issues and focusing on your appereance is a distraction from that.
I dont want to sound like a misandrist sperg, but focusing on beautiful to the point where it affects you internally is retarded because you will still get treated like shit if you are a woman. You want to be forever beautiful in the eyes of others… and for what? so you appeal to pedophiles, porn addicts? so other women envy you because youre the better object? None of the men and women who value you for you appereance give a shit about you and in fact see you as an object and only within the proximity of misogyny. Appealing to beauty standards is a psyop and will never fullfil you. Being beautiful wont get women true humanity, never, and thats why you are suffering, because you are in the shackles, in the cage of performing as an object. You are suffering because you are being untrue to yourself and reducing yourself to subhumanity. You need to accept and live as your true autistic self, your true full self. Its better to be hated for who you are than be loved by someone youre not. Be a proud autist.

No. 422968

File: 1723228689903.jpeg (157.63 KB, 744x307, IMG_0486.jpeg)

>>422961
Can they see views on their old saved stories?
pic rel is a random example of what I mean

No. 422970

>>422931
It's not all people, just women. Men still call themselves young men in their prime at 40.
A lot of it is pettiness and internalised misogyny of other women, too. According to this very website a lot of cows have been "pushing 30" since 22 kek, in Lori's case she's been "pushing 40" for over half a decade. And I don't care if you think she's a bad person, plenty of other more creative insults to pick from.

Lots of users here and elsewhere use "30 years old" or "mom" as literal insults. It makes me laugh that those same users then come here asking to be comforted by the same washed up old hags they were laughing at yesterday because they made their bed and now they're surprised that they have to lie in it. They hate men yet they act like literal incels and then act surprised that other women don't like them and won't have sympathy for them.

No. 422971

>>422968
I'm pretty sure you can only see whoever viewed it in the first 24 hours it was posted.

No. 422972

>>422971
Ok ty I’m gonna creep now

No. 422973

>>422445
ime getting the autistic label does not help at all with job accommodations. you might get some diversity hires for positions you're not quite suited for, but I honestly think the label has hurt me more than it helped me as far as finding jobs. I'm in a sort of niche job market though.

No. 422974

>>422834
I'm sorry but you need to go outside and look at people in real life. Nobody other than chronically online teenagers and actual incels think 30+ is old. You're probably going to live until you're in your 80s, why spend 50 years of it wallowing because weirdos on the internet said you suddenly expire at 30?

No. 422976

>>422970
schizo

No. 422980

>>422976
Show me where I said something untrue, I triple dog dare you.

No. 422981

>>422980
i'm not hagphobic just critical of motherhood

No. 423103

>>422966
She doesn't seem to have any internal so she's just an empty shell, nothing to live with and to show for herself. Probably a cluster b chronically online and in front of the mirror dissecting her appearance and trying to find reasons in there why people do not accept her. When in fact it's because she is shallow, judgemental, has zero personality or empathy and questionable morals. It's not autism

No. 423108

File: 1723259601970.jpeg (317.89 KB, 1505x1350, Download (49).jpeg)

>>422966
i agree with you, how do you cope with this rhetoric being everywhere family random yt videos lolcow etc?

also i feel bad cause i feel delusional since i like my face and i think i will find myself pretty even when i get really old since i it is my face you know what i mean , how you like your own face because you have gotten used to it. But i feel delusional because what i find ok looking and convetional beauty is different
>>423103
all of what you said is untrue, i do not judge others or look at myself usually since i am a hermit. Why do hate me so much for going through something most women you most likely included also go through at some point

No. 423149

>>422834
Back when I was in my 20s, esp when I turned 24, I dreaded being 30 so much. Its not just moids online. IRL my mom said so many things about other women being 30+, like being old, clock ticking, thats why shes settling down trying to trap a man, and on my 16th bday she told me Im in my prime. Plus media & beauty industry indoctrination. I think thats why we and a lot of women have these feelings, to some extent. Self hate that we should do our best to overcome.

Find a health related goal or hobby that will "carry" you into your 30s to make it easier, like yoga dance woodworking etc. What helped me was losing weight as I was almost obese in my 20s and ate a lot of bad food that ended up causing me health issues after 30. I thought, if Im going to be 30+, I could at least not be fat, which I admit isnt the most self-loving mentality to have.

Another thing that helped is losing just about all respect for men and their opinions feels like a load off my back. I was raised to be antifeminist by my mom, so I was that way for a long time. Little by little, when I saw men for what they are and relearned to appreciate my own sex, this dread of turning 30 dissipated.

Have you seen the meme with a potato, beside a picture of the potato with makeup on it, and I think it showed men in the comments getting turned on by the potato with makeup? I dont have it or Id post it. Men will hump trees with holes in them. Mens opinions dont matter, and they sure af dont age like wine as they like to pretend.

If that doesnt motivate you to keep living, then do it out of spite to own the misogynists. Why should evil scumbags like rapists etc still get to keep living, but not a woman who has been taught to hate herself if she lives past an arbitrary age?

No. 423156

So a while back I had severe health issues, which had since gotten better so far. During this time I saw a cute garden decoration. Mom got it for me, promising that when the garden was ready we could put it there.

Well fast forward to me completing the work in the humid mosquito ridden heat to get the garden set up. Despite countless times of interruptions, harassment, and staring me down while working on it by a favored male relative.

Now mom says "actually, the garden decoration will have to go elsewhere. It clashes with the traditional style of the garden and nearby architecture", so she doesnt want me to put the decoration there at all. She views it as something tacky and embarrassing, shameful even. This really hurt because she broke a promise she made to me when I was going through one of the most difficult times of my life. I feel stupid like she just used me to do the work. She even threatened to take some of the garden structure down that I built, because she was frustrated about something else.

Should I put the garden decoration anyway, since she promised and I worked on the garden? Then I might have to deal with the further hurtful behavior. She might take it down.

Or should I put it nearby? Then its like giving in to her belief that the decoration is indeed, an object of shame that should stay hidden.

No. 423158

>>423108
You're the one that hates yourself and you come here for validation while making claims that women over 30 are worthless and having autism makes them even more worthless and the only thing that gives you worth is either good looks or money. That is a textbook definition of being shallow. Go touch grass. Take a shower or something. Do some lsd or molly. Maybe that will make your brain connect. Christ

No. 423159

>>423108
Idk if that’s too harsh for the advice thread but
Conventional beauty only interests you and your insecurities. Please don’t be so scared about it

No. 423162

>>423156
Is it her/your parents property? I'd let it go. It sucks she broke her promise but it's just a piece of decoration..

No. 423167

This nona >>423149
is right.
Most women are scared of turning 30 because they value mens opinions too much. They have been psyopped into thinking being picked by a moid is all that matters. They fell for the scroteflation meme and believe that men are the valuable ones who get to choose.
The reality is even when women get married, they still die alone or are surrounded by children and friends instead, because men generally die before their wives or have run off by then.

Most women eventually realize that kids and female friendships are more valuable than their marriages with moids which, they can take or leave and usually realize they've been duped for decades. Other female mammals are sensible enough to put all their resources into their children. There's not a single species where females 'take care of' their man like he was another dependent, except human females, which is incredibly dumb and a waste of time and resources.

No. 423188

Is it problematic that my bf vents to me about how a creepy woman at his work has a crush on him? Could she have the potential to turn into a stalker?

No. 423199

>>423188
doubtful.

No. 423201

>>423167
You nonnie are right too, reality is that EVEN IN THEORY you „scrotified“ yourself, only the scrotes susceptible to that ultra specific momentary form of beauty will respond and honestly who cares about those. You can land a moid with insane psychological seduction tactics while bimbofying yourself however what the fuck do you want with that? The quality of such moid will never tickle your female soul. Being a bimbo (or clean girl or vsco girl or tumblr girl or alt girl or hippie girl, it’s a constant thing) will only get you as far as SLEEPING with a man that will move on once the trend ends or you get older
Very sorry to drop truth bombs like this but please.. dont fucking do things to your beautiful body and face what your phone tells you you should look like
Remember men run all of our biggest insecurity based spending habits so they always will try to introduce some shit that will bother you till you pay to change it

No. 423205

>>423201
Also adding onto that, if you think you fitting some insane beauty standard after literal YEARS of insane stress and isolation is the right thing to worry about then you’re living a lie fed to you through your phone/computer/media so pleeease take care of yourself first, the prince won’t come, and if they do then only after you find yourself to be beautiful on your own

No. 423309

File: 1723309965501.png (545.58 KB, 966x900, 1570322994436.png)

Is there anything I can take to constantly numb my emotions so I can face uncertainty and emotional pain without turning into a passive zombie.

No. 423319

>>423309
Adderall
or microdose mushrooms

No. 423334

>>423309
Maybe ket as well but thats like once a month or less

No. 423345

>>423319
>>423334
maybe short term like those would be better. I was thinking about wellbutrin.

No. 423560

Is this a form of betrayal or not?

Basically theres this group of moid political commentators that my mom is obsessed with watching, telling me about them everyday. After months of this, I watched the main moid to see what was so great and I cant stand the arrogant POS. I commented, disagreeing with his guest in a non rude way. The main moid "joked" about k!lling me and banned me. In a separate video the moid "jokingly" threatened to r@pe another woman, because he had a falling out with her husband. The moids fanbase, mostly moids but some pickmes too, defended him. Apparently the main moid has beaten his ex-wife before, and his best friend was caught hanging out with a pdffile mod who bragged about getting away on a technicality.

Mom knows all this about them, and still watches their content and is a fan. She reacted to my disgust about the moids rape comment with, "aww, hes just being an alpha male :(" in the most sickeningly tone pitying him, because I dont like the POS. She wanted to put their symbol on her purse. Its almost like a cult, and appears to be growing in popularity. She even wanted to donate.

Mom is a misogynist and a boymom too. Stupidly, growing up and until more recently, I thought she was my best friend.

Is mom really more loyal to some online moid than me?(do not self censor on lolcow)

No. 423564

>>423560
This sounds almost exactly like the type of content my mum and SEVERAL of her friends will get hooked on out of the blue once every few months. And the wider audience is always old enough to know better. Seriously I don't know what it is about parents that compels them to randomly start obsessing over the ugliest misogynists they can find on social media kek

No. 423566

>>423564
Idk what else to do other than express my disgust and why theyre wrong when she fawns over the moid trash she watches. I had to tell her to never mention them again because it bothers me that much, which I put off doing for years. But it only worked for a few weeks, during which she was very distant, and she just mentioned them the other day.

I guess these women struggle with self hate? Idk what we can do about this. These fans are validating sexism against women, which gets amplified throughout social media, inceasing the likelihood of rl violence against women and girls.

No. 423569

File: 1723403350088.jpeg (540.21 KB, 627x928, IMG_2461.jpeg)

Should I invest in a wig or extensions? I really want long hair and have been on the fence about the investment for months.

I have curly hair and the clip in extensions I want would run me $350. I also have straight ones I can tone to match my hair color for when its straight. The only con I feel would be that its a bit time consuming, but it enables me to wear my hair naturally.

I know they have cheap wigs on amazon but I wonder if I could even pull that off? I see so many girls wearing wigs online and I wonder. They sell more expensive wigs but I’m too scared to invest in one of those without some practice.

Picrel is a wig. I have asked about this in the hair thread before with no feedback so please take this as me asking advice about the investment.

No. 423597

>>423569
off topic but that pale blonde hair looks horrible on her

No. 423600

Is it worth giving up my privacy and getting a housemate to help with bills?

No. 423760

File: 1723433263717.png (1.68 MB, 1975x1205, 372829292.png)

How do I let what I read online not affect me? I can't surf rk9, int and pol without feeling hurt by racebait like picrelated.This shit affects me personally to the point of having to take antidepressants. Now I can't stop feeling masculine and how I am an ogre compared to "qt waifu". I can't stop looking at men's racial preferences without feeling hurt. Now scroates say that stacies like Margot robbie look like trannies. I was banned from cc for ranting about this same thing. I'm getting to the point where I'm hating an entire race of women. I want to stop feeling those hostile feelings.

No. 423763

>>423760
Avoid 4chan. Also, understand that their opinion of you doesn’t matter. You weren’t looking to date them anyway.

No. 423764

>>423760
Block 4chan and any other adjacent sites. Why are you going there anyway?

No. 423765

>>423760
>banned from cc for ranting
should have taken the hint. You are retarded, idek what to say. Men are subhuman and their minds are very susceptible to pornographic influence, especially when left in isolation. They will develop all sorts of sexual neurosis and talk about it 24/7. It's a glitch in the male mind and you should laugh at it, if anything. You're witnessing one branch of this neurosis, there's about a million other ways they beer bottle themselves out of the gene pool. Look up Julodimorpha bakewelli.

No. 423770

>>423763
Now I think that all men think the same thanks to the preference graph I saw. Now I have more reasons to avoid the moids who watch anime.
>>423764
4chan is one of the only ways to socialize, I think I'm missing something if I don't lurk 4chan.
>>423765
I think all men think the same you just have to look at dating preferences. 4chan took all my self-esteem, there they call women model tier trannies, it means that it's over for the average woman.

No. 423773

>>423770
> 4chan is one of the only ways to socialize, I think I'm missing something if I don't lurk 4chan.
> it's over for the average woman.
KEK You’re too stupid to save. Either that or this is a baiting moid… is what I’d say if farmhands weren’t banning people for scrotefoiling these days. So to be clear I am NOT saying anon could be a baiting moid. That would be crazy and unfathomable.

No. 423775

>>423770
>I think I'm missing something if I don't lurk 4chan.
like what?

No. 423777

>>423775
maybe she likes all the loli porn or something kek. She should go back unless she can learn to not be retarded but the way anon types sounds low IQ tbh, not even trying to be mean. Some women are lost causes.

No. 423780

>>423760
I find shit like this so amusing KEK can you post more

No. 423781

>>423770
You spend all this time on 4chan and you haven't realized that they have autistic samefags with specific agendas? They do it about anything, sometimes they're trying to demoralize each other, sometimes they're trying to convince other men their taste is superior, sometimes they're trolling, sometimes they're exorcizing their rage about a specific type of woman. You've found one retard who wants to force the idea that all white women are trannies. So what? Look at any board and you'll see white women posted all over the place as fap material.

Either stop visiting 4chan or develop the maturity to see it for what it is (a rats nest of trolls and incels) and get over it. You need to have thicker skin if you want to spend time there.

No. 423905

>>423760
youre retarded

No. 423971

>>423760
Kek as if this isn't largely spread by bitter seething men of you know what race because they're upset that other men don't consider them chads. How embarrassing for you.

No. 423990

>>422254
loosing weight is the first step.

No. 424005

>>423760
You need ban yourself from imageboards for a week and read shit with actual substance. A book, an article, fiction, non-fiction, something that isn't digital shit smearing by basement dwelling retards.
99% of people outside of the internet, even moids, are not that autistic about beauty standards. It's creative writing exercises written by men who get off to degrading hypothetical women.

No. 424010

I can feel myself falling into a depressive episode how do I stop it from getting worse or ride this without binge eating and drinking

No. 424158

File: 1723565159492.jpg (17.95 KB, 326x494, wowow.JPG)

I need help "getting over it". I centered my whole life around pleasing/getting approval from my parents, and I realize now as an adult that they will never look upon me with anything other than unease and doubt. Some examples…
>they want me to 'get over' their response to me being molested and then later propositioned by the same family member because it's been so long since both events happened. Yet after this issue came to light, they'd still ask me idiotic questions like >"Oh, are you going to [family member]'s wedding? He's had a baby with x and they're going to have a baby shower etc."
… basically showing me that they don't care about how I feel, they don't think that I should be upset about it, or at the very least they've "forgot" about it. I'm not asking them to prostrate themselves in front of me, or beg for forgiveness, but it's clear I'm waiting for them to respond to me with kindness or empathy, a hug, anything, but they're so preoccupied with my being angry at their response they're defensive and just telling me to get over it. TBH it makes me feel like there's no point of trying anymore. So I need help moving on. My mom told me to 'take it up with [family member' lol so basically talk to the guy that now has a wife and child about how he molested me and then propositioned me when we were older.
Any advice, or anons that have gone through similar things, I appreciate, because I am .. well I'm not suicidal, but I feel a bit depressed to say the least and I want to move forward and not let this get to me…

No. 424188

>>421918
Delete social media (or put a timer on it), try to go outside with friends more, take a break from dating/spend more time with friends and family, try a new hobby, read a book that isn’t self help (I love classics because they’ve given me such amazing life advice/philosophy but they’re not super accessible, so any good fiction will do!)
You’ll get through this nonny, everyone has phases where life sucks but you’re young, and you’ll find your happy medium soon.

No. 424217

>>424158
I'm in a similar situation. I honestly went low contact and I only talk to my family or see them a few times a year. Do you live with them? When I lived with them, I just barely talked to them and focused on working (or being out of the house) or shutting up in my room. I went low contact as soon as I moved out.

No. 424235

>>424217
yeah I figure I'll have to do something like that. I still find myself hoping that out of nowhere, they'll regret how they treated me. Typing that out now makes me realize how insane I've been. How did you deal with the grief? I don't live with them.

No. 424236

My employee made a bullying complaint about me to HR, do I bring up the fact that she is participating in sexual harassment by having an affair?

No. 424237

>>424236
Kek I can already tell you’re in the wrong. Affairs aren’t sexual harassment… they’re consensual.

No. 424242

>>424237
I’m not in the wrong for bullying. I offerred bonuses to everyone in the team except one underperforming employee. I hosted a morning tea celebrating the new financial year (and bonuses) back in July but the underperformer/mistress is butthurt that she didn’t get a bonus so she went to HR over the fact that I hosted an event to celebrate achievement.
I should mention she’s trying to start an affair. The married man in question subtly namedrops his wife in conversation but he sometimes flirts back so they could both potentially be fired for misconduct.

No. 424244

>>424242
nta but don't you think it might make you look bad/salty if you bring up the affair situation only after getting a complaint from said person? I'd personally just stick to handling that complaint you received and make yourself look like the bigger person.

No. 424245

>>424244
I’ll just respond to HR by saying it is a surprise to me that my employee had concerns about my management decisions and that I would be happy to have a meeting with the employee about how I can best support her in her current role.

No. 424257

>>424245
How did you determine bonuses was it conditional and with set targets she didn't meet that are recorded?

No. 424261

>>424235
>I still find myself hoping that out of nowhere, they'll regret how they treated me.
I "went nuclear" (told someone who was a mandatory reporter after my parents did nothing when I first told them about the abuse) and my parents got extremely upset at me for it. I got told I was splitting up the family and all this BS and my family also loved to tell me how my abuser was suicidal (as if I did not feel that way either lmao). Because I handled it like that (I was 14 at the time), I guess there's no doubt in my mind they'll never regret it given their response. I don't know all the particulars of your situation, but based upon what you posted, it looks like they just perceive you as dramatizing what happened to you. That being said:
>How did you deal with the grief? I don't live with them.
I have to admit, not living with them sometimes almost makes it more difficult because I idealize my idea of my parents in my head when really, they were pretty awful. You don't have to say you are low contact. You can simply decline their invitations to other family gatherings until they get the hint (but if you want to tell them why directly, that's an option, too; it's just I know that in my situation, it would achieve nothing for me). If they ask why, state that you're busy with work, or some other type of excuse. I have accepted that I'll be a little more lonely, but the loneliness for me feels better than trying to make something work that I know won't actually work. Your parents have to be willing and you can't force that. I'm really sorry if this response is not uplifting, I hope you know that other people in a similar situation exist and that you can climb out of it. I now accept my situation for what it is and I try to reign in my idealization of my mom (when she was my abuser's biggest supporter). I wish you the best.

No. 424264

>>424257
She did “meet expectations” on her performance agreement but bonuses are for those who exceed expectations.

No. 424268

File: 1723588810587.jpeg (805.52 KB, 1170x1509, IMG_0623.jpeg)

I’m 29, am I too old to be wearing cute bags like this? idk
I already bought it tho kek

No. 424272

>>424264
Maybe be prepared for HR to pull up everyone stats to see if she's really that undeserving. She's not even under performing.

No. 424274

>>424268
It's cute, fuck anyone who thinks you have to stop having fun just because time has passed. Don't wear it to like a job interview or anything but I'm sure you already know that kek

No. 424276

>>424261
Yeah, you're on point when you say they probably perceive me as dramatizing. It was kind of jaw dropping. My mom told me a story about someone doubting the abuse of their child, and ended the story with "I'm happy I can say I never did that" (paraphrasing) and it was one of those statements that just make you feel crazy. It makes you think that your whole life has just been you not understanding what you're feeling. Like your concerns have no meaning, its a delusion. And as far as idealization goes…. yeah. It was easier to convince myself to give them a chance or weigh their transgressions against what they've done for me as their daughter. It's a difficult thing to accept, but you're right. I suppose nothing good ever comes easy. This gives me a little more clarity moving forward. I'm essentially reverting back to religion to try and find guidance. It feels a bit desperate at this point. But maybe in time I'll see it as freeing. Ty anon

No. 424283

>>424274
Thanks for the that, I love Betsey Johnson bags so much lmao

No. 424339

File: 1723603551133.jpg (Spoiler Image,77.84 KB, 720x727, Screenshot_20240813-222224_Chr…)

>>423773
>>423775
>>423777
>>423780
>>423781
>>423905
>>423971
>>424005
What do you recommend to stop lurking more on moid forums? It's doing a lot of damage to my mental health, as soon as I walk in I find this kind of shit. I hate Kpop cause of the hatred I have generated for Asian women. I would like Asian women to stop being fetishized, it would be great for everyone. I don't want to have hatred for women, I suffer from OCD and Asperger's. The whole bullshit about white women looking like men is frequently repeated by moids on the internet.

No. 424341

just moved into an apartment two days ago and there is an awful smell in it. i guess its kind of mildewy? but a little different/worse. i think its because the carpeted bedroom leads directly to the bathroom where there isnt a barrier between the shower and the rest of the door: the whole floor drains and the shower is right by the door. i obviously have a good shower curtain that suctions to the wall on that side but the smell gets worse every time i shower (only twice so far lol) just because of the excess moisture and water escaping the curtain. does anyone have ideas on how to help prevent this from getting worse? is there a good cleaning product i can use on the carpet to get Some of the smell out right now? the whole apartment smells, even the hard floor kitchen, but i think it must be the carpet thats the main culprit. i didnt notice the smell before i moved in because the previous tenant burned so much incense it masked it entirely when i went to see the unit. but i can't just cover it up now because strong perfume/incense/candle/febreeze smells are even worse to me than the mildrey smell, its so obtrusive i hate it

No. 424343

>>424339
you've gotta be trolling at this point. The question you're asking to normal people sounds like:
>help! how do I stop eating dog shit? I hate eating dog shit, it tastes so nasty and horrible, and I hate having to go outside to collect it. What do I do?
we don't know what to say other than "idk, maybe just stop eating dog shit?" Normal people don't need advice on how to not eat dog shit, they just don't.

No. 424346


>Not autistic

>No Sexual Trauma (unless you count my past porn phase)
>Kissless virgin
>No gf or bf ever
>Only comfortable being affectionate with my mum
Why am afraid of [physical] intimacy? And why do I ridicule it when it’s displayed before me? Psychoanalysize this.

No. 424348

>>424339

nona go outside. im serious. every time you feel the urge to look at one of these forums physically leave the room (and leave your device in your house) and go outside. go find something interesting you've never seen before. or if you hate walking just go to the end of your street and back. if you still want to check it leave again until you feel the urge to do something more normal that isnt actively making your life worse. there is literally 0 reason to be so invested in this shit that you have a compulsion to check it

No. 424352

>>424346
you don't need a deep dark backstory to explain something about yourself. there are a lot of intimidating things about it: the embarrassment of being rejected or unskilled, the vulnerability. being completely inexperienced means it's unfamiliar and intimidating. you ridicule it because your fear is making you do silly things in a kind of mindless attempt at covering up the insecurity it provokes in you. go get laid, girl

No. 424368

File: 1723610987219.jpg (420.17 KB, 1938x1980, 20171208_145920~2.jpg)

Mine and my boyfriend's dog died a few days ago. She was a funny, kinda mean, old lady, and we both loved her dearly. If I'm being honest, she was 14 years old and on several heart medications, so I accepted that she would leave us soon. My boyfriend did not. He had her for slightly longer than we had been together, and she had been his little shadow for the past 8 years. I still cry a few times a day,but I get on. He is heart broken and is barely functioning. What can I possibly do to help?

Pic rel in memoriam.

No. 424373

>>424368
Seperateish but I'm also very lonely without her. We buried her in the backyard and I have this constant recurring sadness that I've left her outside when she hated being outside without company. I feel so bad nonas pls advise.

No. 424389

>>424346
I have non sexual childhood trauma (neglect, abuse, parental death) and feel the same way as you.

No. 424395

Nonnas I'm not sure what I should do. I live in a small (50m² or 540ft²) apartment with 2 other students and one of them invited me to a party he's about to host here, ~25 people are expected to attend. I'm pretty socially anxious but even if I wasn't, I still don't think I'd want to subject myself to this. 25 drunk students (at least 75% will be moids) blasting music I hate, throwing up all over themselves and having a single bathroom accessible while not even having anywhere to sit and sharing such a small space with so many other drunk smelly students? No thanks. I was thinking about asking my 2 close friends if I can spend the night at their places but I feel very guilty doing so because they're also students and right now they're rather busy and stressed because of the ongoing exam session. What should I do? Should I ask my friends nevertheless or just suck it up and attend the party hoping I don't suffocate to death?

No. 424401

>>424395
don't subject yourself to suffering just to spare your other friends an ASSUMED inconvenience. at least ask them if it would actually inconvenience them first.

have the respect for yourself to look out for your own self
interest, and grant your friends the respect of letting them do the same for themselves.

No. 424419

>>424395
Do drugs instead of alcohol. I wish I did shrooms in my 20s.

No. 424421

Can someone tell me why some people always have to one-up you in convo to the point they’re obviously lying? This girl I made friends with at the gym straight up lies about stuff all the time related to her fitness level because I think I make her insecure or something and it’s VERY TIRESOME. Girl don’t tell me your RHR is one below mine when you’re chubby and don’t do cardio…like I genuinely like this girl but it’s getting to the point where every convo there’s at least something she seems to need to one-up me about. I already know I am going to keep her at just surface level friends because of this tendency because it would be high school all over again for me (my HS best friend had the same tendency it was bizarre.) also for the record I’m not trying to say I’m so great or anything like that; I know my fitness level tho and it is a LOT higher than this girl’s so it’s almost insulting when she says these things kek. Actually I just remembered a few times she’s like attempted to neg me weirdly but it backfired cuz I’m too autistic to notice it in the moment and only later when I went over the convo in my head I was like …oh….

No. 424425

>>424395
Your roommate can not “invite” you to a party at your own house, what the fuck? That’s rude as shit. He has to ask your permission before deciding to throw a rager in your fucking house so you can at least make plans not to be there if you don’t mind him doing that. Tell him that it’s your house too and you get a say in what happens there. You don’t know these people and you don’t need them rifling through your shit while drunk which is what’s going to happen.
If you really don’t mind him throwing a party and you don’t want to be at a party then yes you should go stay at a friends house. But really he should not be hosting this party at all, tough shit, he can get his own apartment and pay for it himself if he wants carte blanche for parties

No. 424426

>Black
>single cat mom
>crash dieter
Why do I get mistaken for a conservative?

No. 424428

File: 1723634704618.jpg (87.46 KB, 736x570, 1000008051.jpg)

got randomly insulted by an elderly man while walking down the street today? he muttered "ugly shit" as i was walking past him. dont know how to feel about it . i get regular compliments and i think im cute so im not giving it too much thought but i have struggled with my self esteem in the past and maybe itll get to me later. i was wearing a mildly alternative outfit thats not seen much in my country , so

No. 424430

>>424428
Remember nonnie that men's opinions have no objectiveness and no value. They are degenerates who find animals and kids attractive. I'm sure your outfit was cute and the old decrepit fuck was just bitter and trying to make everyone feel as miserable as him.

No. 424445

Ayrt, thank you all for the advice nonnas, I really appreciate it. I will write my friends and ask them asap.
>>424401
You're right, I should at least ask. They're both great friends and I'm sure they will agree instantly, it's just that I feel guilty for having to put them through this because of a problem that has nothing to do with them. But at the end of the day they can always say no so I should really stop overthinking it.
>>424419
Oh I'd love to. Unfortunately the attendees will be a bunch of 19 year olds whose idea of fun is playing board games while listening to Natasha Bedingfield, getting piss drunk by beer and throwing up all over the place. I highly doubt they even know what shrooms are kek.
>>424425
I agree it's rude and inconsiderate as fuck but he "invited" me and all the other people at the same time so I couldn't really do much. I've accepted I have to deal with such shit when I'm sharing an apartment with other students. And I have to do it because I can't afford renting a place all for myself while studying… At least them rummaging through my stuff won't be an issue, I'll lock my room while I'm gone.

No. 424446

>>424428
he might have dementia. my grandmother used to say the ugliest, most hateful shit she could think of when she would get into an agitated state and many times it wouldn't even make any sense. chances are his comment had nothing to do with your actual appearance and was just something he came up with because his brain is mush.

No. 424539

>>424445
>he "invited" me and all the other people at the same time so I couldn't really do much.
If I was you this would make me so bitter I would attend the party out of spite and become the biggest wet blanket humanly possible until everyone left because I was so no-fun and annoying. I don't know if you want to take this advice but please consider it, especially if you have friends who were willing to help you sabotage (the more the merrier). Put this moid in his place and don't let him run wild in your shared apartment like this.

No. 426016

I don’t want to be friends with these two people anymore, but I really don’t want to give them a paragraph explaining why. How bad is it to ghost? They’re my IRL friends, but they moved away last year. For context they visited two weeks ago and it was just really shitty and reminded me of why I’d been distancing myself from them before they left. They’re twins for context if my wording sounds weird. I just feel so cringe sending them a paragraph about why I don’t want to talk anymore, and I don’t want to hear bad things about myself that they might say. We’ve all been friends for 11 years, and I have no other friends, so I'm not familiar with these type of situations. I’m also not doing this over dumb reasons as I wouldn’t leave my only friends for something simple. I’d rather have 0 friends than them at this point.

No. 426023

>>426016
That'd be shitty considering you're leave them wondering what happened, but I totally get that you don't want to send them a "breakup" letter about it either. How about just letting contact fizzle out? That happens to most friendships with distance anyway.

No. 426040

Autist anon here.
Are people mocking the very demure very mindful tiktoker? I don’t get why that meme is popular.

No. 426060

Is it wrong to want a new pet, almost a year after my 2 furbabies died of cancer?

Life is very miserable without them. I cant stand it. I just want an emotional support animal who is ok with me cuddling and crying with her.

We have 2 other furbabies who I love, theyre more independent tho.

I cant even talk with my mom about this, without moid sibling overhearing and butting in the convo.

Moid 40 y o incel sibling insists on no female pets (he pointed and had threatening look on face) because our current furbaby girl has a history of not getting along with other female pets. But I want a female pet.

He said, isnt our current pets enough? And acted like I should feel guilty.

Well Ill never stop missing our deceased babies. I did everything I could for them while we had them, more than moid sibling did. Ill never stop loving and caring for our current pets.

Or am I wrong and is it betrayal to get a new pet?

No. 426067

>>426060
Not to be callous, but it is 100% standard for people to get new pets to replace the ones that died. They're pets, not a dead spouse being replaced by a new partner, you have unlimited love available for as many animals as you can care for. As long as your current pets don't get neglected as a result and it doesn't cause inconvenience for other people in the household, getting new pets shouldn't be this big of a deal.

No. 426068

>>426067
I know everyone views pets differently. But in my case its not to replace them. Thats impossible. More like to help an animal that needs a home, and for me to have an emotional support animal during this difficult time.

I know you were just giving an example. But to me, pets are family. My pets were/are more loyal and valuable than a spouse, as most moids will leave their wives if she gets cancer, cheat on her, etc.

But I agree that its being made more of a big deal than necessary. Moid sibling acts like Im supposed to stay miserable and crying daily and never have a new source of unconditional love, or Im betraying my deceased pets. Meanwhile he has his dog, so hes not going through grief.

No. 426071

>>426060
>>426068
You're insufferable. Anon is saying: get the new pet, it's normal. Whether you're technically ""replacing"" your old ones or ""helping"" new ones is not the point.

No. 426074

>>426068
I'm sorry but
>my pets died, I'm miserable without them, I need a new animal to cuddle and cry with even though I already have two
sure sounds like you want to replace your previous pets. Which, as mentioned, is both fine and normal.

No. 426079

I’m hooking up with a guy I like a LOT really soon, the issue is I haven’t been with a new guy in a really long time. I sort of forgot what prep work to do - like what do y’all do to be sure you smell good down there, what do you use for shaving to avoid razor burn, what are your tips in general for pre-sex prep?

Please help lol

No. 426083

>>426071
Most people irl only expressed the view that its wrong if I do get a new pet. Even if its normal, I feel guilty if I do get a new pet, but miserable if I dont.

>>426074
As I already mentioned, my other 2 are more independent, so they dont like cuddling.

Either way I should probably give it more time before deciding.

No. 426100

Is there some kind of person who can help me figure out a wardrobe that fits me? I'm faceblind and I can't do it on my own.

No. 426101

>>426100
try asking your friends. if you don't wanna do that there are very overpriced stylists, or you could ask reddit for advice, but i can't recommend either option. only some of it is about your face though, so i believe you could do it by yourself.

No. 426102

>>426060
You’re not wrong to get a new pet at all but you absolutely should not bring any more animals into your completely fucked up living situation. Sorry. If you find a stray by all means take it in but don’t seek out more pets until you get away from the freak brother you’re clearly afraid of and your mother who constantly takes his side (if I’m remembering who you are correctly)

No. 426103

>>426040
It’s gen alpha humor, your too old to understand.

No. 426105

>>426079
To keep clean just make sure you've recently showered and just washed regularly down there. You can take a washcloth so that if you go to the bathroom right before you can give yourself a quick wipe with water in case you want to get rid of any developing smell or discharge. Honestly though, as long as you're not generally dirty you're fine. I don't shave, just trim.
Also if you have trouble with sex being painful if you haven't done it in a while I recommend masturbating in the days leading up to it.
Either way don't worry too much, he's lucky to be with you and no halfway decent moid will scrutinize you for anything.

No. 426129

>>426101
It's for my whole body in general, I genuinely couldn't tell what my body type was (until a friend told me it was a rectangle), even the basic shit like undertones is lost on me, the jewelry trick doesn't work with me.

No. 426140

File: 1724263131977.png (36.51 KB, 164x199, DBCC016C-72E9-4CBE-9ACB-827B5C…)

>>426129
maybe these recs will help a tiny bit?
https://youtu.be/wFGrWiltL2M?si=1oPvgMnA7S7IWg0B
https://youtu.be/hQ08dODzW8A?si=BXZAhsrWbGOCFauL
https://gabriellearruda.com/personal-style-building-developing-a-style-statement/
do get second opinions on what suits you if you can, although i think women who are laser focused on wearing the most perfectly flattering outfits end up dressing in a very sanitized "meh" way. let your personal taste develop and shine and stuff. wear what's comfortable, look back on what (if any) styles you were intrigued by in the past, think about why that was. work on top of your current wardrobe.

i'm not exactly qualified to give advice but i'm just so happy and confident with my wardrobe and i want others to feel the same, so these are the things that worked for me.

No. 426220

Can a nona with anxiety help me out?
It’s gotten to the point where there’s always this constant feeling in my chest, my heart is always pounding, and now I’ve been struggling to eat. I’ve had anxiety for years and managed to keep it somewhat under control, but it’s like it’s coming to a head. I can’t even enjoy coffee anymore because it overworks my nerves or something and I start having these paranoid thoughts.
Does medication actually help or should I just hope this goes away? I’m cautious about taking anything prescribed because I don’t want to have sexual problems and lose my libido. Stupid, I know.

No. 426227

>>426220
Everyone is different but generally Yes, the medicines work. A lot of people look for alternative solutions over time because they don't like the idea of being on a pill for life, but if you need relief now you should try medicine and just experience the difference. Your anxiety sounds pretty bad.

No. 426284

>>426140
Thanks for the links I'll check them out at home. I'm not super lost on my wardrobe either, I have some outfits I love but I want to develop them a bit better, I'm not dead set on following things to a T either, the recommendations for a rectangle tend to go in giving illusions of curves and accentuating femininity whereas I want to go in a more androgynous direction, and I tend to default to black since I'm a bit alternative (I want to give off "casual Bloodborne" vibes if that means anything). I've never been a trend follower, I just want to know myself better to look stylish in my own way.
I definitely need to go to a professional hair stylist because I suck at haircuts, I used to have a millenial comb over for years until I realized a curtain fringe fit my fivehead better kek.

No. 426648

35 been with bf 33 for a decade, cohabiting with mortgage, no kids or plans for. Both share pretty liberal values but i'm a secret TERF.

and today while emptying out his backpack of old recipts/gum packets/general lazyass guy stuff, i found a thong. I know on a gut level he's not having an affair because it's just not him, and it's a brand of sportswear I know he buys. I did bring it up because I just couldn't leave that alone. He said he liked the feeling of it on his junk which also tracks because he prefers tighter boxers and I can imagine him just not realising that thongs for men are an actual thing that exists. But of course there's the voice that goes "he likes it because it's women's underwear". So what comes next?
I sort of wish he was having the fucking affair.

No. 426675

>>426648
So you've been together for 10 years, but he doesn't know you're a TERF? Also why is he carrying his thong around in his backpack instead of leaving it in his drawer kek? That's fucking weird and shows he knows he needs to hide it from you, so it isn't anything innocent. Do you know his opinion on fetish shit like pegging and femboys?

No. 426703

i am lucky enough to be able to move (almost) anywhere in the us and plan to since my current area has gotten quite expensive. The issue here is that I am between a mild-weathered, lower cost of living city that is walkable and bike-able and well connected to other bigger metro areas but my partner and i don't know anyone there OR moving to an equal in cost of living area to where we currently live, but in a smaller (though supposedly walkable) suburb with only one major city near by which i've been to several times and don't really care for. The only benefit of moving to this place is that most of my family lives there and my sibling's family is going through a hard time the past few years with one of the older kids. I don't have kids so i could ease off some pressure by taking care of the younger ones (who i am close to and have begged me to move to their city, which doesn't make the choosing any easier). I feel like i'd really enjoy living the first city way more, but I feel a lot of guilt about not being there for my family when i easily could be. I just need some advice to help with making the decision of where to go.

No. 426705

>>426703
i think you know the answer, anon. it's your life, and you should be able to enjoy it. if it's a lower cost of living area than ur current place, would that make it more feasible for you to travel to your sibling's area more frequently to help out? i think that if you end up moving to an area you don't like, and you're stuck in a boring suburb and dealing with the kids, it could lead to some kind of resentment of making such a massive sacrifice. it's sweet of you to want to help out, but you should not derail your own enjoyment/quality of life to focus on someone else's problems - feel sympathetic, not guilty, it's not your burden

No. 426835

>>426675
Apprently (and not sure if i believe this) he didn't know what to do with it because he didn't live alone (first with parents in pandemic then with me) so it's just been hidden in his backpack for 5 years. He says he's not worn it in that time, he just wanted to try it out, and he threw the thong out last night after I found it. I'm a bit calmer about it now, he's an absolutely terrible liar (I mean he's so obvious when he tries to lie) so I don't think he was lying when he said that.

No. 426887

>>426835
He has been carrying a (probably unwashed) thong around in his backpack for 5 entire years…? Ew

No. 426959

File: 1724547931211.jpg (5.32 KB, 210x210, images-3.jpg)

Reposting this because I'm not sure if that thread will be closed

Yesterday in therapy my current psychologist said I don't have BPD. I asked thrice. He told me he knows when someone has BPD and he said I don't have it. He has a master's degree in DBT and all. I don't know how to feel about this, when I was diagnosed back when I was 20 the person that diagnosed me simply pointed a finger and said yep you are BPD. I've clinged to this misdiagnosis for so long because I'm someone that due to life circumstances I have issues expressing certain emotions. But my current psychologist told me that's normal and that I can learn to solve said issues and learn to cope with heavy emotions. So what am I supposed to do now…? Part of me still feels like a bpdfag, everytime someone talks about BPD on here I feel like they're talking about me. I still have some issues. But I'm not BPD. What now? I need help.

No. 426975

I need to vent and I need advice so any nonny nonny that wants to help I will be very grateful. I'm ESL so I'm going to try to explain as best as I can

I entered an online course for biology and they're making people that don't have social media like me to create a Facebook account, TikTok and Twitter because they want to have activities involving those. It's basically obligatory. They're using manipulation words like "it's for the greater good! And they're easy to make! Even old teachers have them! We respect your privacy!" When they don't understand that I don't want to give Facebook and TikTok my information. I paid for this course and they never said any of this shit before in the application process. I want to abandon this class now I don't want to do this. What should I do? I'm pretty sure there's no refunds and my actual career has nothing to do with biology anyway, I only took this for fun. It was a considerable amount of money though, like 90 usd. What now?

No. 426999

>>426959
Hey nona
I was diagnosed with BPD at 19, but by the time I was in therapy properly at 20 the same therapist said I didn't fit the criteria any more. I was REdiagnosed after a breakdown when I was 30, but again when my therapy started I didn't fit the criteria any more. Basically I believe it's a maladaptive response to stress/trauma and when your life calms down, so does your mind. I still have some textbook symptoms but therapy has helped me rationalise these. Maybe it would help to think about it as a sort of relapsing-remitting thing, that sometimes flares up.

No. 427065

File: 1724589434825.jpg (127.19 KB, 1000x1500, 61miuTKrHWL._SL1500_.jpg)

>>426959
Maybe check out this book. And don't get too attached to diagnoses! Most of the time these people don't know what they are doing, it's just supposed to help with treatment (which often it actually does the opposite), not define the person. You probably were misdiagnosed before. It happens all the time. I got a wide variety of diagnoses and I actually had emotional dystregulation, c-ptsd and was stuck in fight/flight and freeze because my nervous system was in overdrive for most of my life and the people who diagnosed me had tunnel vision and biases that they needed to confirm to boost their own ego.

No. 427067

There’s a perfect cat family living in my garden, 2 babies and their mom. Sadly we live on a busy-ish street and I’m worried about them getting ran over. I live in a small apartment and now I’m wondering if I can take them all in. They’re not feral or anything, mom lets me pet the babies. I’ve never had a cat before but the idea of them getting crushed under 9174326 pounds of metal makes me extremely upset and I just can’t risk it. What can I do? I’m watching them through a window and they look like a late summer themed postcard. I cried a little typing this out. I wish all kitties had homes

No. 427072

>>427067
You can keep 3 cats in a small apartment easily. Just have to keep in mind they might piss and shit on your stuff so you'll have to train them. There are also some vet expenses such as spaying and vaccines etc. but keeping cats is rather easy.

No. 427073

>>427067
If you can afford it, take them in, then give the babies away to good homes once they're old enough and keep the mom

No. 427075

>>427067
If you leave them outdoors, at least get them neutered (if you can afford it, it's pretty expensive ime) so you don't end up with more nests next season. I'd at least get the kittens indoors asap so they get used to indoor living and hopefully won't crave going outdoors when they grow up. Three cats in an appartment is probably doable if you can afford it financially, but you can always end up adopting the mom or the kittens out. People love kittens, you can get rid of them easily once they're old enough.

No. 427076

>>427067
Remember that cats can climb out the windows and shit like that if you take them you have to make sure the windows and balconies are secured at least until they grow up.

No. 427086

>>427067
i think you can keep them in an apartment, just make sure that they have plenty of toys and things to keep them entertained like those trees to climb on so they don't get depressed/bored indoors. if you aren't able to take them in, then maybe find someone who can do so, or involve an animal rescue to help them get adopted. statistically they won't live long outside so i hope u don't just leave them anon. my kitty is from a shelter but she used to be an outdoor cat too, and she doesn't seem bored at all in my small apartment. if she seems a bit restless i take her outside in my fenced garden with supervision, and she usually wants to go back inside after like 10 minutes and goes back up to the door and meows lol. i think she doesn't yearn for the outdoors much and appreciates having a cozy life with food and stuff. the 3 can also entertain each other if you dont split them up (btw that would be depressing and i think hard for the cats) so they would adjust better to life indoors if they all stay together prob

No. 427088

>>427067
if you can afford the expenses and clean up after them every day you can keep three cats in an apartment without it being a problem. the kitten will be super rambunctious at first but once they're out of the kitten stage and are fixed they'll calm down quite a bit.

No. 427469

The moid next to me at the office keeps farting. It’s only started since I announced that I am leaving. What is the logic behind this?

No. 427470

>>427469
Show dominance. Outfart him.

No. 427597

How do I deal with the fact that my only friend who I've been friends with for over 10 years has become so complacent and passive that not only she puts zero effort into our friendship but also is becoming increasingly more retarded? Like she is having some major brain rot thing going on, it's impossible to have a normal conversation anymore, she never brings up stuff on her own and talking to her is like I'm interrogating a retarded child. She used to pull out her phone mid conversation when we met and watch tiktoks and when I brought it up she was surprised and made a big deal out of not doing that later on because I asked her not to. She also doesn't do anything with her life, doesn't develop herself or have any interests beyond gaming and watching shows about which she can't even make a coherent sentence about. It's really horrifying.
I'm distancing myself from her because I just can't be friends with someone who doesn't do anything with her life but.. how do I cope

No. 427606

>>427597
Make new friends. I know that may sound easier said than done, but people you’re more compatible with are out there.

No. 427609

>>427597
Are we friends with the same person? Kek, mine's addicted to weed and smokes like 4 bowls a day. Goes to work high. Addicted to watching shows and movies she can't even form an opinion about that isn't "it's sooper good". It's annoying.

No. 427610

>>427609
lmao mine doesn't even have a job and isn't looking, gets money from her fiance and handouts from multiple family members. Also goes with every single behavioral issue to her psychiatrist to get new meds all the time

>>427606
Yeah I'm doing that, but just the fact that she's falling into entropy like that is hard to cope

No. 427638

>>427610
ntayrt. Leaving her and explaining why might help her help herself snap out of it. It's a rough position to be in and easier said than done. Fortunately she's supported by her family and fiance so she's far from being thrown to the streets. She will be able to survive, maybe even thrive, losing you from her life.

No. 427640

i have such deep engrained hate of everything about me, my looks, weight, personality, etc. and i'm really struggling with dating because of it. i'm talking to a guy at the moment and we've been talking nonstop for a week or so now, i really like him and the feelings are reciprocated, but it's so difficult to make the step from talking online to irl because i'm sooo anxious about the way i look. i'm worried he'll think i've tricked/catfished him in some way, even though we've video called and my pictures are all me, i just feel like i come across as much more attractive/skinny/cool than i actually am. we live pretty close so we've been talking about meeting up but i'm just soooo anxious about it, the thought of anyone liking me after seeing me in person is so unbelievable to me idk !! my worst fear is meeting up irl and he feels he has to keep seeing me/talking to me even if he finds me hideous because he feels obligated to .. i don't wanna get my hopes up ahh this is the worst feeling. does anyone have any advice/feel the same way because i feel insane even talking about it loll

No. 427642

>>427638
I already told her a couple of times but it's useless, she doesn't see any problem and just becomes more retarded with time. Now I don't want to help her since ut's impossible but how to cope with this is my issue. Like… It's harrowing and makes me really sad to see it happen. I will leave to find better things just seeing your friend become a zombie like that is not very fun.

No. 427645

>>427640
I have a similar issue and the only solution I came up with was to meet people irl instead so they know what I really look like from the beginning. I know this doesn't really help since you already are talking with someone met online.. just meet up and feel it out then, he probably looks different in reality as well and you could end up not liking the way he looks/smells/carries himself etc. it seems that you got so caught up on your looks and how he perceives them that you forgot that you could not like him and this should be your main concern when meeting someone.

No. 427646

>>427640
If I can offer you any advice, it would be to not set yourself up for failure, before you even know how it'll turn out. Giving yourself the mentality that he's going to not like you for your appearance is just going to make you overthink everything. Just set out to have a good time, and focus on the positives. And if he has a problem with how you look then he's not worth your time anyway. If he actually likes you, how you look should not matter.

No. 427701

File: 1724732223717.webp (19.48 KB, 700x1244, wp7418888.webp)

>>393926
Is it okay to go through the rest of my 20s without friends or lovers?
I live in a small town, where everybody my age has vanished.
There aren't any real hobby groups, and the meetups just seem to be filled with boomers.
I love being in the small semi-rural cityscape, where you don't have to pay money to explore the world around you and its unbelievably peaceful and quiet. But there don't seem to be a lot of young people who feel the same way.
I'm attending online college, so not a whole lot of uni opportunities, if any for socializing.
I can't move to the city either, because I apply for jobs in cities, but never hear back from ones related to my major. I only get job interviews from places close by. Not that I'm complaining about that, I am grateful that they are so close by, but none from the city. So, now I feel unbelievably isolated from people my age to the point where I feel like I'm the only early 20 something left.

What should I do nonas?

No. 427793

>need money
>need job to get money
>most well-paying jobs require that you have gone to college
>college needs money
>I have no money
>don't wanna borrow from relatives because they also don't have money
>my shitty wagie job won't make the cut for college money

What now

No. 427803

>>427793
Be a little more specific. What size town/city are you in, what country, how able bodied are you, etc. I have ideas.

No. 427825

>>427701
You'll regret it if you spend your 20s without connections. How far are the nearest cities? If they're under an hour away, maybe you can pull off making friends in the city while living where you are.

No. 427850

>>427803
I live in the SEA region in my country's capital. Don't have any disabilities but my eyes are shitty, kek.

No. 427868

File: 1724779728530.webp (9.69 KB, 478x267, crying_cat_meme.webp)

>>427825
Unfortunately, the nearest cities are exactly an hour away.
How do I get an in-person job to move nonas???
Plzzz, I don't want to live my 20s alone and resentful.

No. 427869

>>427793
>What now
communism

No. 427870

I have a round face, square jaw and a fivehead, what haircut would suit me best?

No. 427871

>>427870
you can't have a round face AND and square jaw

No. 427872

>>427871
She probably means short face

No. 427877

>>427793
I'm not sure how well this would work, I'm a Burgerland nonna so YMMV, but here's what I would recommend.

1. Look for community colleges in your area. See if they offer any scholarships. If there are no community colleges in your area, or if they don't, then go to step 2.

2. Look for an entry level job that is the closest nearby. It will probably pay shit wages, but there's a reason to apply. Work at these types of jobs, aiming for promotions if you can, to raise enough money to attend the cheapest college option.

3. Aim for community college first, even if the one closest to you only offers an associates. They are usually much cheaper than 4-year universities. If you can't/don't want to attend a community college, find a college that offers a lot of scholarships or a low-cost CHED accredited or US-based regional accredited online college (This is what I did, I recommend SNHU, I believe they accept international students)

3. Use Sophia learning to knock out gen-ed courses. Make sure that the college you chose accepts Sophia credits. Sophia costs $100 per month, so if you do take this option, complete the coursework a soon as possible.

My only question regards what you said here:
>my shitty wagie job won't make the cut for college money

What do you mean by that? How much do you make? Depending on your salary, you might be able to make enough to attend community college or online college.

In addition, you might want to research well-paying trades and look into trade schools in your area that offer scholarships.

No. 427880

>>427871
I have some chubby cheeks, I'm not completely sure on my face shape unfortunately.

No. 427917

>>427868
become a dj

No. 428018

I'm in college and I want to befriend nerdy girls who like manga and vidya and thrifting, but I'm shy and lame.
I dream of having a best friend who will let me paint her nails, will share clothes with me, and would want to draw male versions of ourselves that we ship. And also maybe kiss me irl.
Should I approach random girls who seem cool or is that too autistic?

No. 428045

>>428018
>and would want to draw male versions of ourselves that we ship
>male versions
cringe
anyway, women who like manga and vidya are also awkward and shy, often. the issue is that a lot of them love scroteshit and love being the only woman in the room, so good luck.

No. 428046

>>427793
community college is fairly cheap in the US if you've been a citizen for a few years, though I'm not sure if it's limited to people who were born here. government loans aren't that bad, and you can get good, high paying jobs with 2 year degrees. you could also go into a trade, which tends to pay well.

No. 428057

how do I make friends/connections/whatever after rotting im my room for like 8 years and losing all my social skills(implying i had any to begin with lmao)

No. 428184

Is dating long-distance worth it?
Any red flags or anything to look out for in a guy online? Like on IG for example.
I know if he follows a bunch of IG models it's an instant red flag but what else?

No. 428191

>>428184
I found them to be not worth it, I feel more lonely in an LDR than being single and ignored. worse with a time zone difference.

something so sweet irl, like sitting together in a room but not interacting. you can reach out and touch them or smile at them, here's no real LDR equivalent. you lose a lot of the little things and moments like that. it's kinda creepy to sit in silence on the phone with someone

you also have to be connected to devices more than you may want. you can't ignore the phone for half the day cause your person wants to interact with you.

being "taken" but showing up to every event alone. going to sleep alone. waking up alone. people treat you like you're single anyway cause they never see you with someone. no hugs or kisses, only emojis.

"date nights" in front of the computer. so many nights in front of the computer. limited activity options. if we were IRL we wouldn't even be at home!

sorry, I dated a guy IRL and then LDR and the difference solidified it for me. LDRs are seriously depressing to me and should only be temporary (if at all), and there should be an end plan (who is moving to close the distance?)

No. 428195

>>428057
social skills are skills, so anything lost can be rebuilt

practice your social skills first a bit with randoms and strangers (ppl unlikely to meet again or you don't care to act awkwardly around) to ease back into it. small talk with cashiers type stuff.

don't let your first interactions be with ppl you actually want to impress and make connections with, if you're worried about making a social gaff and coming off awkward

No. 428213

>>428191
> you also have to be connected to devices more than you may want.
this is so fuckung depressing and is what killed the LDR i was in for a while kek. even if the other person moves and you were in-person at first, it will not be the same at all as being physically near them and i ended up just feeling overall soo much more disconnected from the real world, and cut off from real people. it got to the point i would jus be staring down at my phone texting when i was physically surrounded by irl friends , or even turning down invitations to do stuff because we scheduled a call between our schedules lol
i think if we had both stayed in the same city we would’ve worked out because it went super well irl for like 5 months. i tried ldr for 3 months and by the end of it i genuinely felt no love for her. i think for both of us probably bc we just had totally separate worlds and didn’t experience anything together anymore. i still think positively overall of her, she’s a good person , but it feels like the other person is just not a real person when its online . ur telling yourself it’s the same irl person but i think the brain just can’t process that without the physical aspect. she just became pixels on a screen to me lmaoo

No. 428265

I have a friend. Our friendship formed from being haters and negative Nancy's. But I've become a lot more of a positive person over the years and I feel like we just aren't compatible anymore, though I still care about her. But every interaction with her is her venting to me about her job or hobbies and I have zero interest in either of those things. Or saying how everyone sucks. She cannot see the positive in anything and just vents non stop to me. A lot of the work jargon goes over my head too and I feel bad that it doesn't interest me but I don't even know what I'm supposed to say other than, sorry that sucks?

I'm not one to cut people out of my life but I really want to let her know (politely) that I just do not care and that her negativity weighs on me, and that I wish we could have more positive interactions. But I know as soon as I bring that up she'll go into self pity mode and do the whole "I guess I'll just shut up then". I used to be very similar to her so I know what it's like.
I'm also one of the few people she's close with so I feel like there's an extra pressure on me to be there for her. It sucks and I don't know how to handle this. I know the obvious answer is cut her out but if any anons can give me advice on how to politely tell her to shut the fuck up please do.

No. 428286

>>428191
I agree with this and I actually married my LDR. We closed the gap in less than a year plus frequent visits, any more isolation than that and it would not have been worth it. Plus your partner needs to be totally better than what you can find locally too for it to be worth it.

No. 428330

am i manic again
>not sleeping, not eating/loosing weight too fast, and talking to strangers and everyone.when always been shy kid. my mind can sometimes feel absolute calm then im buzzing. its like had a personality switch within a year.

No. 428416

My housemate is a passive aggressive autistic moid who gets grumpy and bottles stuff up. Despite the fact he’s 30 he refuses to tell me why he’s mad at me, so I end up avoiding him because our interactions are exhausting. He can’t stand it when I don’t talk to him every day but every time I do it’s always about him, how he’s chatting up a girl or making friends etc. He sounds so smug and irritating that it makes me feel sick. But when I ignore him it makes him mad, and I end up feeling worse. I don’t care about his feelings as he shows no respect for mine (he’s also misogynistic and dismissive) but it’s doing my head in. Part of me feels like I’m doing something wrong - I’m also autistic and struggle to read if my own behaviour is annoying - but I hate this expectation that I should coddle him simply because I’m a woman. It’s gross and I want to leave but I’m waiting for him to get a house first. Any advice nonnies??

No. 428420

>>428330
Could be. A bunch of randos on an imageboard can't diagnose you thoughl

No. 428421

>>428265
distance yourself and find new friends

No. 428454

>>428421
I already have plenty of friends for what it's worth, and we do share some mutual ones who are in agreement with me and feel similar. I have already distanced myself quite a bit and I leave most of her messages on read. We are long distance friends now, she moved in 2020 and has not visited me since.
I know this is probably a personality thing and she'll never learn but I do want to see if I can at least give her a smack of reality, though nicely, and tell her that her negativity is too much for me. I feel bad just going quiet without explanation.

No. 428461

>>428454
Telling her won't do anything. People with this kind of attitude have bloated egos and she will immediately start resisting. Going quiet is the way. Enough people leave her she might start introspecting at some point and change her behavior. Not guaranteed though

No. 428520

Is there a way I can improve my media literacy? I suck at reading between the lines and reflecting upon what's happening, I just take everything that's happening at face value, to the point I have trouble understanding what's going on even in shit like shonen manga. I've always been like btw, this is not an issue induced by screen brainrot.

No. 428524

>>428520
That literally sounds like autism, I'm not trying to be mean, for real. Is this an ongoing issue beyond reading books?

No. 428527

>>428524
Yeah same with movies, I remember watching the Godfather and not understanding a single thing that was happening, I kept confusing the characters (aside from Marlon Brando and the German guy) because they were all brown haired white dudes in suits. I don't watch TV shows because I just can't remember what happening between episodes. The only thing where I dont have this problem is with music but I don't focus on the lyrics because I lose track if I do, this is why I don't like genres that are very lyrics focused like rap or pop.

No. 428549

>>428520
I'm really curious what you could possibly misinterpreting in shonen manga, that's not exactly deeply intellectual layered reading material.

No. 428554

File: 1726069564729.jpeg (20.08 KB, 299x169, B511DFEF-EA5A-4B10-B6EB-104674…)

I really love nice men’s clothes and the smell of men’s cologne and soap, I want to wear those things but I’m straight and I’m paranoid that lesbians or bi women will think I am one of them and then it will be awkward when they find out I’m straight. Honestly i don’t know why I want to do these things as a straight woman, the only thing I can think of is that I like those things on other people so my brain is like “why don’t you also do it?” but maybe it’s some offshoot if AAP? But it’s not like I’m pretending to be a man or getting off