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Like the title says.
Previous Thread: >>102887
Maybe it is a clit size issue
I'm one of those losers that thought they were trans for a while and the one great thing to come from a few months taking testosterone was a larger clit that sticks out. I come mad easy now, whereas I had a lot of difficulty before
i'm typically submissive but have wanted to try something different for a while now. i was nervous, but managed to be a little more dominant last night. thankfully bf didn't think it was weird, enjoyed it, and wouldn't mind more instances of me taking the lead. any ideas for how i can do this? i don't think he'd like the kind of subby stuff i'm into (i like being lightly slapped, bit, choked, etc.) so i'm not sure what to do. i want to be this super sexy bad bitch that pushes him against the wall while telling him to drop his pants, but i don't think i have the confidence. like, i feel a little silly trying to act like that, you know? i'm just not used to it, but i really want to be
If vibrators don't do anything for you I have some advice, hopefully it helps? For me indirect vibration is what feels best. If I was putting a fast-moving vibrator directly against my clit I'd lose sensation FAST and therefore it'd just not feel good.
So I ALWAYS keep my underwear on, use the lightest levels of vibration, and kinda the head around. I use a wand type too, don't have much luck with any other kind. Make sure you are also really relaxed, of course, and don't be in a hurry. What feels best for me is vibrator low, underwear on, and vibrator not directly on my clit, but to the side pressed against the lip + hood. Getting pretty in depth here sorry, but I hope it helps.
Now if anybody has advice on how to cum from penetrative sex other than just use a vibrator at the same time, I'm all ears.
I did, it was with a tourist I met while hanging out with my friend at a park. Him and his friend approached us asking about the city and stuff, we talked for a while and then they invited us to their airbnb, they were cool so we went.
We had some wine and basically him and I then went to the bedroom, I wasn't exactly drunk just tipsy but I thought eh why not. I was 19 and I wanted to get it over with cause I was starting to get anxious about losing my virginity too late, plus I'm very rarely attracted to guys and he was hot, but most importantly I knew I'd never see him again because he was foreign. Tbh I don't think I would do it with anyone I knew I might see again.
Anyway, I told him I was a virgin and he didn't mind (I don't understand why some guys do) so we just kind of did it. It was awful and didn't even last a minute, hurt a little bit but no bleeding or anything. The guy wasn't the most polite but I didn't really care, left almost right after.
In the taxi home I was excited that I finally did it but the next day I was disappointed that it was so underwhelming but thought it was just cause it was the first time. Looking back it was a pretty shitty experience that I don't like to remember but I'm glad I did it then cause I don't know how long it would have taken me to lose it otherwise. Felt kind of empty for a while afterwards but got over it after having sex with a couple other guys. I gotta say that not being a virgin gave me a lot more confidence around guys hitting on me.
However I always knew I wanted to lose it in a one night stand. I wanted to be "experienced" when I would have an actual relationship for whatever reason.
when climax from PIV i can't stop climaxing multiple times in a row. i feel like a melting candle. It's a lot different than clit orgasm but still really good.
I was once on a psych med that the only way i could climax was from penis in vagina intercourse and i'd come in like less than a minute.
my bf felt like a sex master even though it was just my brain chemicals were whacked out on that med.
Vibrators dont work for everyone. For me they only make my crotch feel numb. I also hate electrical toothbrushes because they do the same to my face lmao. But you could try different types and settings.>>133716
Sex is to be enjoyed by both not just the male. But if the cum is the issue you can just switch to intercourse or have a paper towel ready or something.>>133641
I come from penetration the easiest on a position which is like missionary but my legs are on the guys shoulders.
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I don't know why this is, but I literally cannot do doggy style. Fingers, dick, sex toy - nothing will go inside me. It's like there's a huge wall blocking my vaginal opening or something. It's only in doggy style, otherwise I can put things inside me just fine. Sometimes my boyfriend's dick hurts a lot but I think it's because he's large and I'm really small. But doggy style hurts like hell, like unbearable. Is this normal just to not be able to do doggy style at ALL? Not even like I could force something inside me like that - I straight up don't think anything can enter inside me when I'm on all 4s or bent over. I suspect I may have mild vaginismus, could this be why? It makes me a bit insecure, I want to try new positions but.. I just can't.
Also, how do you introduce roleplay scenarios in a not super awkward way? I want to try some stuff with my boyfriend we used to fantasize about when we were long distance but I get so nervous and shy about it and am scared I'll look like a weirdo or it'll be awkward. I don't really have any sexual confidence after years of sexual abuse so I don't feel like I can just introduce a roleplay scenario to him without feeling weird about it. Is there an easier way to do it, or how should I go about it?
>>133962 > I suspect I may have mild vaginismus > years of sexual abuse
Have you got any real help since the abuse? Getting help for that should really be your first priority before worrying about things like doggy or roleplay. It's very common to have this issue after abuse and it's a sign you need to get professional help to work through serious trauma.
Taking the pressure off when it comes to sex is probably best right now. Step back from sex and address the abuse.
Wow okay so I keep thinking that it went away by itself, but now that I think about it I actually did do some stuff to make it go away. I used to have an involuntary reflux to clench my legs together during sex, and to get myself out of it I would just try to think about sex, just when I was sitting in my room or whatever, and try to stay relaxed and keep my legs open. I also started masturbating with a warm washcloth in the shower, again just trying to relax and be gentle with myself and not be upset if it didn’t work. Since it’s all completely mental, I just had to really really work myself up to finally having sex, feeling really comfortable with my partner at the time, and being able to relax during sex. Taking things one step at a time (one finger, two fingers, missionary, cowgirl, then finally doggy) over the span of about a year as I became more comfortable with myself, having sex and the guys I was with. Lots of lube and being open about what’s happening instead of being ashamed if you can’t do whatever the guy is asking really helps too.
hi anons it's me again
since ive been more "on top" lately, what's something i can call myself/have my bf call me in bed? "mommy" is a definite no-go but shit like "mistress" or "master" makes me cringe too lol
so many top names are cringe unfortunately
is 'miss' too tame? it's formal if nothing else.
Tell him that everyone else sucks their own saliva up as they go, virgin or not I would think that most people know not to mindlessly drool on a person and leave it there. His technique must be awful.
A book he might benefit from reading 'She Comes First' by Ian Kerner
it's nowhere near as good as this anon says it is. >>135389
this is an exercise in creative writing in comparison to the actual experience.
Uhhh, yes it is as good as I explained in >>135389
. That's literally my experience and feelings about it. Experiences are subjective, after all. I'm sincerely sorry you can't enjoy it as much as I do. Hopefully you've found your own ways to reach sexual fulfillment.
Also I want to rephrase this as it's confusing: >Sometimes there is more friction between his dick and your vagina skin (condomless) and sometimes it's very slippery based…
Should say:>When not using a condom sometimes there is more friction between his dick skin and your vagina skin and sometimes it's very slippery based on your and his lubrication levels, giving different sensations.
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Double posting, sorry, but what feels so good about a real penis has a lot to do with the skin and texture. All the tiny ridges of his skin and all the tiny ridges of your skin slide against eachother and stimulate the nerve endings. As he pulls out pushes his dick in, those tiny ridges in yours and his skin catch eachother and create friction. So, it feels like a hard thing, yes, but wrapped in a thinner, soft thing, and the pull/push of the skin of the penis against your vag, and the firmness just underneath, is what feels much better than a dildo. And the warmth, I gather.
This is also why condoms are not idel for pleasure. It smooths out all the skin texture and it's not as nice-feeling.
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Fully dick sperging out, but hopefully this is interesting to someone.
Note the skin at the base of his penis bunches and stretches as she's moving up or down. The vaginal muscles grip the penis too obv, but my point is the skin-to-skin contact, the friction it creates, and just how good that pull of skin feels (especially compared to a dildo). Although I'm sure there are dildos that have friction, it's the dynamic feeling of a sheath of skin over The Hard Thing that makes the experience especially delicious.
GIF IS VERY NSFW
Oh, that sucks then. I didn't realize so many women weren't sensitive enough in their vagina to feel it like I do, I guess.
I focused on very minute details of the skin bc the original anon was asking what a real penis feels like, chill out and go get fucked… oh, wait, you won't enjoy it. No wonder you're bitter.
writing 3 bizarrely detailed, self admitted "full spergout" posts, only about dick, in a row (>>135407, >>135405
) is absolutely gay male tier.
seconding this question. i have a bf of four years i'm planning on dumping for other reasons, but he also refuses to give head. would be great to find someone interested in it…>>135413>>135446
also agree. deep penetration rarely feels as pleasurable as that anon described. i can feel some pulsing and occasionally it will feel good, but i really need clitoral stimulation to orgasm. PIV is very overrated, IMO, in terms of actual pleasure. it can be mentally stimulating, however.
I can't say for everyone else but like, I wouldn't trust a man with my nudes
unfortunately society still shits on woman who exposes her body if it ever get on the web sooooo
Nah asexuality isn't a fake tumblr sexuality. People have been talking about it since long before tumblr sjw stuff. Andy Warhol was rumored to be asexual. I
I think it's real but it should be kind of a last resort diagnosis, especially these days. it can take a long time to develop a sexuality and people can have low/no libido for many reasons.
An extremely low or non existent libido, or just not liking sex is a real thing. Could be physical, psychological, just a personality trait, doesn't really matter, obviously there are people who just don't want to have sex. Asexuality is a special snowflake label though, and trying to obfuscate the definition of a sexual orientation to include things other than gay/straight/bi is obnoxious.
I guess it's just semantics but there's no doubt most people who use the label asexual are usually SJW genderspecial tumblrinas. Like, the sort of idiots who came up with 'gray asexual', asexuals who occasionally experience sexual attraction… aka by definition not a asexual. If you want to retain dignity and not be so limited by such dumbassery that you need to come up with new labels to accommodate every change in your sex drive, I'd refrain from using it.
>>135933>people don't take it seriously bc the term originated from tumblr
are you joking? tumblr could popularize it, but not come up with it as it's existed forever as >>135935
Idk if it´s true but I´ve read before that it´s scientifically proven like 1-2% of the world population is asexual. Maybe worth looking into if the scientific confirmation of asexuality is a real thing gives you piece of mind.
My own thoughts: If you don't like sex, you don't like it. It doesn't matter if that technically makes you asexual or not.
I've heard people describe asexuality as it's own spectrum where some masturbate, some don't at all, some are sexually active just for the sake of their partner and others are lifelong virgins. Those people all exist and it's just a matter of whether you want to use the label I guess.
I got married years ago with the understanding that me and my partner would never have sex and we didn't for those few years, I was happy signing up for no sex forever. I do masturbate. When my marriage ended (for other reasons) I ended up in a relationship where the guy believed sex was vital to a relationship. I really regret trying to keep that relationship alive by having sex. I could probably apply the asexuality label to myself but I'm just not a fan of labelling it.
hmm maybe I could've worded that differently but yes, thinking of hot scenarios/ppl I think are hot is included in what I try to do without porn. When I said focus on myself, I meant that more as focus by myself, in my own head with my own scenarios without porn.
For now I'm just trying to chill out I know if I focus too hard on the goal of cumming it's not happening. Guess I'm just really bummed out by it
got it. thanks for clearing it up. i thought you meant you were trying to literally think of yourself or think of nothing.
still, have you tried supplementing a fantasy with a photo or non porn video? i find it easier than just using my imagination alone
I feel this, too. Only it never felt like air, but it feels like his dick is pushing on your anus from inside. Which it probably is. I feel this when I insert my finger and feel my cervix as well. >>136652
I do this to my bf. I fucking love sucking his dick tho so ymmv
If you mean taking the whole thing at once, I dont think it's common. That's a lot to take in and his balls might even slip out a lot unless he has a small dick but even then I dont think that's common.
If you mean like switching between balls and dick then yes that is common. I personally find it fun if he has good hygiene. It gives it an extra sensitive feeling on top of the blowjob from what I was told. If you arent into it dont force yourself to do it.
Its an underrated spot.I found that most guys don't even consider their other body parts.
If your bf like the kisses try giving them a squeeze too.
Do you ever worry that having sex out of duty or like you said 'as a chore' will catch up with you mentally and be damaging in the long run?
I feel the same way about sex but did it to please partners, I feel awful now looking back at those times. I see people, even therapists saying it's pretty common for asexuals to do that but my experience with it is that many years in it lead to a breakdown. I didn't see how much it weighed on me. I did it to avoid a lifetime of being single but having sex you don't want just seems so obviously unhealthy.
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Wtf is this shitty ass photo of uncooked chicken penis.
I went from barely taking the head in my mouth to fully six inches with minimal gagging from repeated sessions.
You just gotta practice a lot. Your gag will desensitize over time. Make sure your partner is actually patient and not expecting to face fuck you or it will ruin it. Make sure you're actually aroused and into blowjobs or it'll feel like a chore and put you through unnecessary discomfort.
Dont eat a big meal before bjs obv. And dont feel pressured to deep throat if you're not down that day sometimes the head being stimulated is enough. You can use your hand to stroke the base of him while you suck the head and itll give you length limit before you gag. Your hand will help gauge how deep youre able to go before gagging and he still gets pleasure from the stroking. With repeated sessions ver time you'll notice you can take without gagging.
I have a question; do any of you have any experience with men trying to learn about women's sexuality/pleasure without having to ask them to do it? I remember when I got with my first bf and I would sit for hours and hours and read about how to give blowjobs/watch tutorials etc (which apparently worked bc I remember him complimenting me a lot), but I've never been with a man that seems to know what they're doing at all. After kissing for two minutes, they will go on to touching me really hard or go straight to dry finger banging. I always have to direct them and tell them what to do, and even then it's mostly meh. They don't seem to know that even though they're hard and ready to go, most girls need at least some foreplay and warming up before anything major happens. My theory is that the men I've been with have seen too much porn and have never received any constructive criticism from their previous partners. And of course we all, women and men, have different preferences when it comes to touching and oral, but the general notion of being gentle and careful with someones genitals during the first 10 minutes of foreplay at least, seems to be completely missing from the partners I've been with. It's been dawning on me recently and im honestly bitter about how men seems to lack any sort of interest when it comes to how pleasuring women works/learning the basics and different techniques. I hope most of you don't sit with the same feelings as me, because it sucks, but I´m interested to hear about your thoughts on this.
your virginity is as big of a deal as you want it to be. for some people, it's highly valued and for others, it didn't meant anything at all.
think of why you want to lose your virginity. is it truly what you want right now, and are willing to deal with potential consequences (if any) of losing your virginity in the future?
think of why you took that pledge in the first place and see if your ideals still match. if they don't, that's okay. people change.>be me at 8 years old>promise my mother i'd never get tattoos multiple times>10 years later, gets a tattoo
i'd say, if you truly want it, go for it. just make sure you use proper protection - don't risk pregnancy.
Sex is how humans perpetuate, it's how we keep existing. We literally wouldn't exist without it, something as natural as that can't possibly be bad or wrong. There's nothing to feel guilty about. Don't let something as abstract as virginity keep you from doing what you want.
In any case you can choose to let go of the pledge even if you decide to not lose your virginity right now, and instead wait until you feel ready to have sex, because it seems like the pledge thing is weighing on you unnecessarily.
That's what I'd do if I were you, I would abandon the pledge by heart, but I would also wait until I have fully come to terms with sex and gotten over the guilt before losing the v card. You can just be a normal virgin waiting for the right time, with no pledge tying you down.
I have a similar drive (once or twice a month) my relationships always end around the 2 year mark and that's usually the cause. Also interested in seeing if anyone has advice or suggestions
If I date a 'patient' guy he usually loses all patience a couple years in, if I force myself to have sex more often I usually am the one having a breakdown 2 years in. What other options are there?
Hey Anon, I am in a similar situation. I am attracted to my boyfriend, we have been together for almost 4 years. When we first started going out, we would have sex at the drop of a hat, but now I find myself less sexual than ever. I have been getting yeast infections because I cannot get wet enough and that adds to me not wanting to be intimate. I am sort of upset about it, because I enjoy being with my partner and I could never imagine being with anyone else and I want to feel desire for him. Thankfully, he does not have that big of a self drive so I am not "restricting" his sexual expression.
I thought it could have something to do with my IUD or something, but I do not want to go on hormonal birth control and I need to use some sort of contraception.
When we are intimate, foreplay does not really work on me, i usually get off from penetration. I stopped masturbating almost completely too.
Such is life.
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I couldn't find a better thread, I hope posting in here is okay.
Girls, am I doomed? Will I be a virgin forever?
I recently got a cute gf.. the trick is she has a history of genital herpes.
She never hid it from me and I decided to get into a relationship with her either way, cause I didn't really think herpes could be that bad.
But yesterday I read up on it.. to know how to prepare and jesus, will I be a virgin forever? It said it can be transmitted even when in dormient phase. Wtf.
I'm honestly freaked out by it now.
She takes care of it, she says it's painful and doesn't wish it on anybody. So she will probably understand my hesitations.. but right now I'm even scared of touching her with my hands.
If we were straight, I would probably just use a condom. But thinking of oral sex with a dental dam forever sounds.. disappointing in the least.
Am I overreacting? Can someone with history of knowledge of herpes help me out or call me out if I'm being too judgmental? Thanks.
You will get answers from two kind of people here.
1) the ones that have herpes and will tell you how "common it is, -insert percentage here-, it's not that bad, you probably even have it too but it's dormant! don't worry anon!"
2) the lucky ones that don't have it (like you and me) that will tell you to RUN. You are right with it being contagious even in the dormant stage. And btw you can get herpes on your mouth, eyes etc if you go down on her. Imagine walking around with genital herpes in your mouth? jesus. I knew a guy who had it in the uni and he would get terrible wounds around his whole mouth.
I was worried about having herpes and my gynecologist told me it's very common and most of the times barely any issue. In the end it turned out I dont have it but I'd trust what the doctor says here, it's not just people with herpes trying to make themselves feel better but scientifically a really common thing to have.
Still, if anon's girlfriend has the super-problematic
symptoms, i'd be super reluctant too….
OP here, isn't HSV-1 the one you get around your mouth? She has the painful one on her genitals so I'm pretty sure it's HSV-2…
Honestly anons I feel so hopeless now, this whole thing made me upset for the whole day and I'm acting distant with her now. >>139686
this anon types like a troll but really made me reconsider.. . >>139696
You anon are truly my only hope left.. I wish more people with it would comment and tell me their experiences. I'm actually considering just catching it and living with it at this point.
Not all herpes are made equal though, genital herpes isn't that common at all compared to other types of herpes.
For example, if you ever got chickenpox as a kid, then you have herpes, just not the genital type. If you ever got cold sores, then you also have herpes, just not the genital type.
I think that's where the misconception comes from, because yeah, most people have some form of the herpes virus, but most have the types that cause cold sores, chickenpox, or even mononucleosis, not the genital type.
- I can't tell you what to do, just telling you my experience. So, when I contracted herpes (HSV-2) around 10 years ago, I had a fever and other symptoms but I also had a cut and an infection in my vagina from the rape so it's unclear what caused the fever. In the first few years, I had outbreaks circa twice a year and I even had them around the vaginal opening, which wasn't pleasant at all but felt pretty much like a UTI. Nowadays, I only get them when I'm otherwise sick (I guess when my immune system is already fighting off something else) and it's no longer around the vaginal opening but always on the upper left side of my mons pubis. It doesn't exactly look nice but it doesn't really bother me other than that.
I've had regular sex with three people since I caught it. I'm still in contact with two of them, whom I even had unprotected (no condom) sex with. Of course, they all knew about the fact that I have herpes and we didn't have sex when I had sores. None of them have caught it. But I've read that you can contract herpes and never show symptoms, so who knows?
That said, I've read stories online about people who've had it worse than me. I mean, I would definitely prefer not to have it, the worst part is the shame and feeling so dirty and tainted. Especially having contracted it the way I did.
Thank you for sharing. I'm sorry for what happened to you, I can't imagine being reminded of it too in such a way.
As comes to me, I think I'll ask her to speak to her gyn to get some medical advice about this.. it' the only thing I can do to be honest.
based anonm STI and people who say it isn't a big deal are scum>>140604
STI can really fuck up your fertility later, just saying
Just blow him but don't finish, then switch to sex. Like the other anons said, make him go down on you first, or just barely start him and then go back after he does oral. They won't do anything they don't have to do so make sure you get it in before they finish.
Also unrelated but going from oral (giving a blow job) to vaginal sex often gave me my first really bad yeast infection. I have a shit immune system so you're probably fine, just something to think about.
yeah, I'm taking bathroom breaks… and few times I quickly cleaned up with a tissue when he was gone to the toilet lmao. I know he'd probably take it as a compliment or something but it's just embarrassing for me. So you're saying that's not usual? Goddamn
Maybe I'm just too horny and it will chill after we finally have sex
Why are you doing this to yourself anon? Find yourself someone you find attractive for your fist time ffs.
It's an occasion to make a nice memory, don't waste it on an uggo you don't want.
I get it, the experience, but this isn't like your last chance before you die a spinster or something. Why not just wait for someone who you actually want fucking you?>>141370
Kek. How is it bad? Are you able to give instruction during sex?
I just want to get it over with–I'm tired of waiting, not a huge deal
Sure it's not my last chance, but does it really matter if my first time is an "uggo"?
I just want to have my first time, I don't care what they look like
Honestly I have a great memory of my first time and I'm glad I waited for someone I really wanted to fuck.
It was full of fumbles but I really had the hots for the guy so it didn't mattered at all (I think he couldn't even fully put it in and we ended up with blood everywhere).
I cherish the memory and it's still hot stuff in my memory porn bank.
I could have fucked way earlier (my first time was at 18) and I sometimes felt a loser when all my peers had already done it but now, I wouldn't swap it for the world.
I'm 25–if I had the chance to lose it to someone I was obsessed with, I would have taken it
But I'm 25
–whatever chance there was is kinda over>>141373
Don't I get to choose how I feel about having sex and how I feel after having sex?
But the thing is, you won't feel any different. You will just feel like you had bad sex with someone you're not even that into.
It's like forcing yourself to drink a liter of hot piss. Sure, you can do it if you want. But why, tho?
Ok, so back to initial subject, since you really want to fuck the uggo.
Sooo… Get the lube and make sure to have long preliminary. He should be able to slide at least two fingers into you before the actual fucking happens or it's going to hurt a lot.
Don't hesitate to masturbate yourself if you have to to get to a good dilation point.
Tell him to go fucking slow and try to relax. If he really is sizeable, it will probably hurt. It may pass tho but I wouldn't hold my breath if you're not that horny.
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Who wouldn't want to lose their virginity to a juggalo?
I mean, come on virgin anon, if you really want to lose your v-card, do it with some style.
Honestly anon literally nobody has told you it's worth it or a good idea. You're 25 and you can't take other women's advice that you asked for? If you don't like dissenting opinions, don't ask for advice>>141384>It's like forcing yourself to drink a liter of hot piss.
Kek. why does anon want to be a free prostitute? Sex with men sucks half the time, the least he could do is be attractive
You've got it wrong. Males get powers when they keep their virginities, women get them when they lose theres.
Why do you think she's about to fuck that ugly guy? She wants her damn letter to poudlard already.
Honestly, you should take a good look into foreplay (especially for u so he would do things right) and make sure that he would know where your clit is. It would be nice if he also stimulated it during penetration, too.
But to be frank, i think it's best to rather die a virgin than be so desperate that you will let a random guy to whom u are not attracted in any bit fuck you. Virginity and it's cult is dumb, invest yourself in a vibrator / dildo instead of a man if you want to get fucked that badly and lose the virginity with an actually nice man.
25 isn't that old anon, especially among image board using types. I lost it at 22 and my best friend (who is a well adjusted normalfag) is 24 and still a virgin. Just chill.
Besides, if in a few years you meet somebody you're attracted to and want to have sex with and you're embarrassed, just say you've had a bit of a dry spell and are a little rusty. It's nbd.>>141427
???? Men are obsessed with virgins. Why do you think women are able to literally sell their virginities?
hey i'm >>141258
finally had sex! I'm not so crazily wet anymore lol.
Actually, if I can vent a bit, sex is bit disappointing. Guy has nice looking girthy dick and yet I barely feel it inside. Not even once I came from penetration and he does various thrusting techniques. I can tell he knows his shit. Yet I only orgasmed when I rubbed my clit during penetration. And even that takes more time than solo. The clit-stimulated orgasm feels better with penis in, that's for sure. Yet I wish the dick would be enough. I thought I'm not in majority that doesn't come from penetration but I guess I am after all. I'm a bit sad about it.
On another note, I'm still too shy to touch his dick lol.
Lol I have to laugh when yall barely not virgins talk about not having orgasms. It takes time to learn that shit, to relax enough and to figure out how it works. I have had multiple partners and have had sex for many years, but its only now that I can orgasm vaginally, which technically is just a clit orgasm as well.
"Oh I didnt cum the first time I had a dick in me, guess I cant come :(((" lmao
You're laughing at an inexperienced woman because she wanted satisfaction but instead she got > sex is bit disappointing. Guy has nice looking girthy dick and yet I barely feel it inside
The dude was shit in bed, stop making out like that's normal
Lmao I didn't say he wasn't shit, just that its unrealistic to expect orgasm the first time you fuck. It doesn't mean you can't cum, just that you're inexperienced. A dude can be a sex god, but if she doesn't know her body, it aint gonna help shit.
You have to know yourself before you can expect someone else to get you off.
>>141746 > On another note, I'm still too shy to touch his dick lol.
You had sex with this guy and didn't warm each other up with other types of play first? That could play a big role in the sex being dissapointing
> I can tell he knows his shit
Does he? Cos most guys know to let their partner get familiar by at least handling a penis before taking it for the first time.
I've been having sex for at least five years and I still don't get how some women enjoy it. I have never been able to orgasm from it, despite the fact that it's pretty easy for me to orgasm by myself.
I've had multiple partners with varying levels of experience. I don't think I'm asexual, the fantasy I masturbate to is literally imagining that I enjoy sex. I like watching porn too but I cut it off like a year ago in hopes it would make it better. Please teach me your ways anon, drop some tips and tricks.
I quasi never orgasm during sex although I can make myself cum in less than 30 seconds by myself if need be.
I really enjoy the horniness I get being with someone. I even enjoy the penetration. But it'll get me nowhere without clit rubbing and the kind I need, the guy is always in the way if we're doing penetration.
I've just learnt to live with it. I'll fake sometimes and use the fact that the sex made me horny af to rub on out (real partners were made aware, I told them nicely that I liked very much sex but it was more of a mechanical thing and then plainly touched myself to get there after they were done : they all were OK with it and actually got ready for second round listening to me get off)
Life is not movie where characters magically cum togheter at the same second. You gotta ditch this and do you.
The only times where I genuinely enjoyed sex were with people I was truly attracted to and cared about, at that point I didn't even care about cumming because the act itself was so pleasing and satisfying I'd feel as if I'd orgasmed several times already.
The times with randos or people I wasn't truly attracted to was borderline disgusting to the point I thought I was asexual.
Finding a worthy partner shouldn't be a chore, but something that just happens.
Since I have been with my actual partner, masturbating hasn't been the same, I just feel unfulfilled and "meh" afterwards. Sometimes I wonder if I'd were to break up with him if I'd ever enjoy an orgasm by myself ever again.
I mean, not to further the idea that women shouldn't have orgasms during sex, but is your idea of enjoyment contingent on orgasming?
I can get off from oral, but penetration or even just getting touched elsewhere feels way better for me. Usually I have to concentrate so much on orgasming from oral that it ruins the mood for me, so I'd rather have a lot of continuous, extreme pleasure in other ways as opposed to getting bored just to orgasm for a few seconds. I also hate anyone's hands directly touching my clit for long, whether it's mine or someone else's, so that's out of the question too.
Ever since I stopped placing an expectation on myself to orgasm during sex every time, it's gotten way better for me because I focus on what feels best, not just what'll make me cum quickest.
Same and it bumms me out a bit. Sometimes I wonder if it's because they're small but that sounds kind of dumb
Nah, I'm >>141988
and I don't think that has anything to do with it. Mine are big, both the boobs and the areolas are kind of big as well. It's probably genetic or something? I don't know, I can't find much on this topic.
I used to but it's not really our fault that female orgasm can take a while, you're right that clearing your mind is probably the hardest part too.
Do you ever incorporate a vibe into your play as a couple?
Sexting and actual sex are two completely different things, so I wouldn't really worry about him being bad at sexting meaning he's also gonna be bad at sex.
Generally in my experience dudes just rarely are good at sexting. I guess it's just that they're turned on by different things than women, and don't really give a shit about wording as much. A lot of women have gotten off to written smut before so kinda know what they're doing and tend to be more particular about the specific phrases used, whereas guys care less about the adjectives you use as long as the word boobs appears.
If he's that inexperienced I think he'd be fine with you telling him he should get better at it. The best way for him to improve would probably be to have him read some smut that you like. Maybe link him some and see if he picks up some of it?
but also he's going to be bad at sex
when it eventually happens, the more confident you can be at telling him what you want/what feels good, the better
send him some good smut or fanfiction and tell him to git gud. also specify which words and phrases you actively dislike. > barely talks about putting anything in me and doesn’t want me to put anything inside myself cause it will “devirgin” me or something
kek. men sure are something.
Sounds like you've rushed things if you've had sex a few times already and foreplay is now an afterthought, that and describing yourself as being too shy to do things to him? Were you truly ready for sex when you two started?
>I think I'm slow at building intimacy
All those foreplay activities that you are 'still too shy for' are meant to come first and ease you into intimacy. If you skipped over them and went straight to sex you will have feelings like that. Is he inexpereinced too? It's not a good sign when a guy wants to put his dick in a virgin knowing that she's never even handled a penis first.
he doesn't know I was a virgin lol. Don't judge me on that, I've always planned on doing it this way. Because I'm a bit older than usual, I had enough knowledge/experience for it to be pretty natural and not awkward I think. He didn't notice and I had no problems, it was really enjoyable and I'm glad I did it.
I can tell he's pretty experienced. It's not like he just sticks his dick in me, don't worry, we do foreplay, but I'm mainly on the receiving end which is making me feel bad.
No, I really wanted that, it's just… When we started cuddling I was too shy to pet and caress him too, for some time. It's just how I am, you can say I didn't socialize this way, for some people it's hard to understand because it's something they'd been doing since the teens. I'm a late bloomer. Everything is new to me, both exciting and stressful.
I'd really appreciate advice. I'm just eager to do something nice in return.
>>142307>can't cum from just penetration
So like 99% of women? At this point, any guy who assumes a woman can cum from his dick alone IS at fault for being delusional. Is he not eating you out? If not, that is again his fault.>I've led him to believe that he has made me cum
If you've straight up lied you're probably gonna have to confess and apologize
neither I guess, we're at very early stage of dating, I'm not sure what's gonna come from it. I didn't lie actually, after our first time he asked how many partners I've had, I said to give it up laughing, and he jokingly asked that many?
. End of topic. I don't know why you're trying to make a big deal out of this, it's not like I made him believe I'm some dickslayer. I'm sure he can tell I'm inexperienced anyway.
Guess I'll have to look it up somewhere
Right, so fill me in on this.
Can he not pull the foreskin all the way back? How does he clean it, then? Has he looked into medical attention as there is some type of block here?
I've never slept with a circumcised man and I've never ran into this kind of trouble.
nta, but he won't be able to pull it all the way back and there will be solid smegma
my bf said when he was around 10/11 he told his parents he couldn't pull his foreskin all the way back and they explained he had to so he could clean it, after a while he said he could but it did hurt and was very sore and lots of white smegma so i am using his experience to write about this, i assume if a man has it then at a later age the only cure is surgery
I'm the same way. Tbh the only way I solved this is to stop all clit masturbation (no vibrator) and practiced cumming with a dildo.>>142334
Preferences change! It did for me. I have faith that you can achieve satisfying "normal sex," with the right person. You could also just proceed as usual and it would be totally fine, but I would reconsider those friendships.
I never straight up lied, just sorta agreed when he asked because sex is pretty tiring and I just wanna sleep after>>142316
He went down on me twice but he's very stubbly and caused a lot of damage down there with his stubble, it's super uncomfortable that way but he won't shave, which is fine as it's not my body.
Lol I rode guys “wrong” for a bit so I get your confusion. For some reason I thought you leaned forward? Nah, you’re upright. Put your knees on either side of his hips, lift yourself up, and use your hand to guide him in. From there it’s pretty natural, just do what feels good. If it feels good to you it probably feels good to him. >>142375
Maybe ask if he can use conditioner or beard oil on his facial hair? I’ve been with a few stubbly guys and never had that problem, huh
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I'm probably gonna get hate for this but…
I'm more of a coomer than my boyfriend. My boyfriend has literally only masturbated like three times during our time together (2 years give or take) in the beginning of our relationship, to some semi nudes I sent him. And yes, it makes sense and I actually believe him. He doesn't have the mindset of a porn addict either, I can tell.
I, on the other hand, am a fucking porn addict. I started watching porn when I was 8. I quickly got obsessed with it and was into freakish degenerate shit. I watched porn almost every day during my teenage years and masturbated up to like 12 times sometimes.
A few years ago, when I was still single, I started getting bored with watching porn. I only watched it maybe once or twice a month and masturbated maybe once a week. When I met my boyfriend, I made an effort not to watch porn at all anymore. But now that it feels forbidden, the urge is just getting worse.
I've looked at some relatively tame stuff, once in a while, like some vanilla gifs or just a picture of a naked girl, but I feel like a shithead and I want to stop. Alternatively, I read some dirty stories but idk, it's better but I still feel like a sicko who doesn't know what's good for her.
Sometimes I still feel like I "need" porn. It's like it has permanently fucked up my brain, as I've been watching it starting at such a young age. I even feel disconnected during sex a lot of the time.
It feels weird being a female coomer who's in a relationship with a dude who just wants to fuck you and has no interest in porn at all. My ex was a porn addict and I hated it, I've always longed for a guy who isn't fucked in the head like that but now that I have one of those rare specimens, I can't even really appreciate it because I'm such a degenerate myself.
I don't really have any questions. I just want to know if anyone can relate. Maybe someone has some ideas on how I can get rid of this urge to watch porn.
This might sound cheesy but have you tried any methods for honing in on the emotional connection during sex? Sex is 100x better when you're mentally involved with your partner vs just being stimulated and getting off. Porn is easy because you're a 3rd party observer and don't have to do anything, and it sounds like that's carrying over into your sex life.
Focus on foreplay with your partner and really pay attention. When you kiss him think about how it feels, how he tastes, the sounds he makes. If you find your mind drifting then just acknowledge that and turn your focus back to him. Don't judge anything, just feel it (No "this is weird/what am I doing/I wonder what he thinks/etc.") Teach your body and mind to be totally present and find things that turn you on during real intimacy.
If you're finding it hard to connect being horny and loving at the same time, try things to help bridge that porn/relationship gap. Get a full length mirror and watch you and your boyfriend bang. Talk dirty to him and vice versa (will also help you stay present). Ask if he'll masturbate for you and watch him.
A lot of this stuff should start becoming more interesting, intense and sexy for you because it's going to involve more of your senses (and your brain) as compared to the one dimensional nature of porn. It's likely not going to be an instant switch and it will require being more vulnerable, but you can start reconditioning yourself and you'll likely become less interested in porn over time.
Thank you for your nice reply and the great advice, anon!
I've really been trying to be more mindful during sex but it's hard. Some days are easier than others when it comes to being sensual and in the moment. Penetration and taking care of his needs is mostly fine, but as soon as he's touching me and trying to get me off, I start to feel stressed out. Even foreplay makes me feel really awkward and out of place somehow. Probably due to my porn brain and self-esteem issues.
I'm definitely going to try to apply the advice of trying to be more mindful and vulnerable. I think I need to apply this to my life in general to improve my sex life. Especially the part about not judging, I feel like I'm judging myself and everything that's happening 24/7.
Again, thanks for your reply! I really appreciate it!
Of course, I hope things get better for you in time!
I understand what that's like at least from a secondhand perspective, as my partner used to have trouble enjoying sex due to porn use and prior trauma. The porn was really just a way to insulate himself against the vulnerability that good sex requires while still getting the "release" of orgasm, even though it wasn't super satisfying. It was easier and less scary than learning to accept pleasure from another person.
There was a lot to untangle there… he felt guilty for enjoying sex, had self esteem issues, was afraid I'd reject him, didn't even know how to slow down and appreciate foreplay, really. But after some sustained effort things are awesome for us now, so there's definitely hope!
If you feel comfortable doing so, it might also help to talk with your boyfriend about what you're going through so he's aware and can help keep you in the moment if he notices you tuning out. Plus it just feels less stressful knowing you're not having to overcome everything alone. Hang in there and be kind to yourself.
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I'm 26 and have recently come to terms with the fact that I'm a lesbian. I'm really nervous about having come out a bit later in life and having no sexual experience with women. Any tips for doing the deed? I'm interested in topping. I don't like porn and don't find it realistic or helpful.
Just find a willing girl and admit she's your first and she'll guide you. Personally I trust girls way more than men, I wouldn't say something like this to a guy because I'm sure he'd try to fulfill his porn fantasies. But a woman will genuinely teach you.
You may be not very skilled but you know what you like, what women like. That's already a lot
Normal I guess, but I don't cum easily. I think mostly he'd be fine after one time but he's trying to get me to finish.>>144401
we're nearing mid twenties. Okay thanks that makes sense, our relationship is also new. I'll take it as a compliment that he's really into me (for now I guess lol)
I remembered, once he went limp after cumming and he was really embarrassed about it and apologized, he said it's because he's still tired after our previous session (very long drunken sex. After alcohol he can last forever but also my clit goes dead unfortunately).
So I guess I'll have to see if this lasts or it's just the "new girl" excitement. For now, good for me.
Yeah I kinda felt like it was very weird too, and he did watch porn before we started dating. I asked him to stop in the first week because I really believe porn fucks your sex life. I genuinely think he stopped but maybe he's still not over it?
I know it's a really specific, weird kink but he's so normal in every other aspect, and he only asks me to do it like 5-10% of the time we have sex. If your bf had this fetish, would it be a deal-breaker for you? Or a red flag?
(idk he also seems to be marriage-oriented/never casual dated etc. so i don't wanna lose him over something that i'm not THAT uncomfortable with)
The thought of having sex with a bloated belly and full bladder sounds… like a pretty intense mood killer for the woman involved in this pornsick fantasy.
I mean he's asking you to be uncomfortable during sex so that he alone can gain from it. I wouldn't allow this to become the norm in your sex life. You deserve to enjoy sex too, you shouldn't have to constantly worry about pissing yourself during sex and he should really consider your enjoyment. Once you give in to these weird requests it's hard to go back, he'll feel entitled to it. Try and nip it in the bud, don't play into it.
if you're not uncomfortable with it, go with it. just be sure to set boundaries and keep them. have a talk with him about how you feel about it and how that would be your limit in terms of weirdness or how often you're comfortable doing it if that concerns you that much. even ask him how he thinks he got into it. if he doesn't respect what you say or he gives you a weird ass answer, that's a red flag.
it's totally weird fetish but sometimes people have weird fetishes. keep in mind this site heavily leans to most sexual preferences outside of vanilla being mental illness or a result of pornsickness. i'd say don't leave him because of a weird sexual preference you personally don't mind.
Samefag, thanks to everyone who replied, I didn't expect this much attention.
So I took all your advice and messaged him, asking him how this fetish started etc. He said he first started with watching creampie porn and then he moved to preggo porn. the water thing only became a thing since that's the only way he knows how to make bellies bigger. He told me he could stop doing it since he's also fine with just putting his hand on my belly and rubbing/kissing it. Plus dirty talk relating to "breeding". I still don't know why he has an obsession with pregnancy but I guess it's just natural. He's young, probably at his sexual peak, so just subcounsiously wired to do it.
Idk even though it's very weird, he respects my boundaries and it's not like he's ever sexually violent. idk i'll let him have this one.
>>144469 > I guess it's just natural
He has told you himself it's porn. There's nothing natural about having you find harmful or uncomfortable ways to bloat your stomach out.
Sure you don't want to shame him for the kink but you're rationalizing and justifying it in ways that make no sense. It's not nature, it's a man with a porn habit that influenced his tastes. If he asks you do stuff like inflate your bowels with air or pile on weight then please put your health above his fetish. Keep those boundaries firm for the sake of your health.
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Not inflation, it seems like the core of it is impregnation. >>144469>he could stop doing it since he's also fine with just putting his hand on my belly and rubbing/kissing it.
It seems like the important aspect to him is the "breeding" part.
Honestly if you ever want to rock his world, let him buy you a maternity dress and just hold your arms around your stomach like a pregnant woman with the top hand pushed right up below your breasts and place your other arm sort of around the mons to create the illusion of downward curvature. Even with a flat stomach, most maternity dressed will create a slight effect. If this makes you uncomfortable, don't. It seems like he's willing to work with you, but you have to speak up about what you won't do.
I was about to post pretty much the same take as this. I've had my own experience with fallling into weird porn habits as a teen and tbh I reached a point years later where I needed to condition myself back out of them again in order to maintain a normal and satisfying sex life with partners.
There are limits to what you should expect a partner to do sexually, especially when you start getting into niche stuff or asking that they put their body through unusual steps just to please the other partner. This is very much a 'him' issue. He's the one that needs to work on changing his habits.
I only have cons for you:
1) temperature: i swear it's so hard to have shower sex with a water temperature you're both comfortable with. my gf can only stand it EXTRA hot so I have to burn to get some pussy.
2) slippery: i fell twice while having shower sex, which is a lot since we only did it like 5 times. Maybe it gets better with time as you get used to it.
3) size of your bathtub/shower: if you have a big bathtub/shower it will be ok. but smaller ones really restrict your motion. i kept hitting my elbow to the walls when we had shoer sex in my place, but gf had a bigger one so it was more comfortable.
Also thank you anon for stopping the convo about the impregnation fetish thing. That word grosses me out so much lol
Pros>massaging each other with oil as foreplay>washing and cuddling each other afterwards>easy clean up
Cons>can get cramped if the shower isn't big enough>sex while standing can be awkward and uncomfortable
It's good for starters (and then move on to the bedroom), it's fun to clean each other, and soapy embraces turn me on.
Also, it can start as a couple shower and evolve to sex
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Coming from someone with a small mouth, it's time to start using your hands + lips and give up on deepthroating. It's kind of overrated anyway, there are much better ways to please him. Btw I very much recommend getting pic related for this kind of thing.
There's literally a trick to it.
My bf likes when I gag so I rarely do this but
If you tuck your left thumb into a fist and clench your fist, your gag reflexes disappear.
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Not too hard. You can test it out now on yourself using your fingers in your throat. I meant to attach pic the first time around, oops.
You'll still feel a little but it significantly improves your skills >>144684
Eh, I actually am pretty okay with it! I guess I enjoy breathplay a bit so maybe that factors into it.
You speak from experience?
I don't have many fantasies I'd like to take into irl action, but facefuck is something I could have given a try, were it not for the gag reflex problem.
You don't necessarily have to give up on the dream. I recommend using your hand as a sort of "buffer" so that it goes his dick → your hand → mouth. This way you can control the depth (keep it more shallow) and angle of penetration while still having him in your mouth as he bangs away. Start slowly and once you find a comfortable position he can speed up.
I have very little gag reflex but I still use this method because it prevents any uncomfortable scraping/teeth for him when things get more frenzied (lol) and allows me to catch a breath when needed.
How much is "long" for you?
Do you use condoms or not? If you use no condoms you could try having him wear one, because it decreases sensitivity and might prolong your man's performance.
My bf had the opposite problem, because condom wouldn't let him feel properly and he would get soft, but as soon as we got rid of it everything was fine. Maybe your partner is too sensitive and too excited, decreasing sensibility might do the trick.
Sex lasts 5-7 minutes tops. It takes me like 20-30 minutes to finish (it takes that long if I’m masturbating too)- and after I finish once it doesn’t take much effort. I really feel like it’s a time and temperament thing for me, but I don’t know if that’s normal or not.
He’s open to both condoms and toys. I just hate anything that isn’t an actual penis- I don’t even really like masturbating and only do so only a month so it may also be an issue with me.
>>145345>He’s open to both condoms and toys.
So have you tried condom or not?
And do you have some foreplay?
However yeah, 5 minutes is not long enough.
I think we’ve only had a second “round” twice, he can’t really stay hard for long when it’s right after.
We have had sex with condoms at the beginning of our relationship but tbh it really doesn’t make a difference- it still is over like right away. There is foreplay, but now that I’m typing this, i realize it doesn’t really get me going the way it should and I should try to make the lead up better so the sex is more stimulating. I also think I kind of psych myself out because I get anxious about how it’s not going to be good and turn myself off. It’s been rough.
Ty anons for trying to help me, I feel like a shitty person for being upset about this even though I know it’s okay to want things to be different/better
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Tips for…neater sex? Lubed or not, a shit ton of dry skin and (I think mostly) tacky cervical mucus builds up on my boyfriend's dick and in my freaking TAINT.
It's repulsing. Is there anything I can do besides having wipes handy?
Thanks in advance, anons.
I had this happen for the entirety of my last relationship. I think it happens when your man pulls out too far and too fast, so air just dries out the dick slick. I think it helps to pull out at an angle (like his balls or fupa is still touching you) or to fuck slower. Maybe try fucking under the covers?
Also, stay hydrated!
I feel like experimenting with a dildo before becoming sexually active can really help, I wasn't about to let a guy penetrate me before trying it out on my own first. I wanted all that control in my own hands while I got used to the feeling. Worked well for me.
I played with toys for a good while before ever getting with guys. Sex never felt awkward.
Have you tried switching into a position that you know he likes very much and cum faster with? Or maybe finishing with a blowjob if he's into it?>>145505>how long does it take to stop being bad at it?
For me it took like 5-6 times for things to get less awkward.
Not being confident with your partner doesn't help though.
I think being perceived as 'good' at sex has a lot to do with your partner, like some people aren't into the same things as other people.
The best advice I can give is don't be too in your head about it, pay attention and listen to your partners needs and be communicative about your own.
I like this answer. I agree and think the mechanics of sex are pretty straightforward: part a goes into part b and so long as you aren't laying there like a corpse or banging away so hard your partner is getting their genitals crushed, you're probably doing fine.
But beyond the basics, what really makes sex good is being attentive and communicating with your partner, learning the specifics of their body and trying to do the things they enjoy. That all varies from person to person, so I think it's way more valuable to go into a sexual relationship with the idea that you're starting from scratch every time, rather than coming in with a bunch of preconceived notions that every guy or gal is going to like the exact same things. Because that's definitely not the case.
I also second the recommendation of exploring your body on your own, with or without toys, because knowing what you like makes it easier to explain those things to a partner and be "responsible" for your own pleasure instead of them having to puzzle it out alone.
I've been dating a new guy for around 3 months now and although the actual penetrative sex feels great, he just can't manage to make me orgasm.
I can't come from penetration alone, but my previous ex had zero issues making me come using his hand or tongue.
I've been showing my new guy so many times how I'd like to be touched, guiding his hand etc., but he just can't manage to do it right. No matter how he touches me it just never feels good. Like, I keep showing him where my clit is, but whenever he touches me he just can't find the right spot and even after I put his hand exactly where I'd like to be touched, he just can't seem to remember. It just feels like he has zero clue what he's doing, although he's had multiple partners before me.
It's getting very very frustrating for me because my ex was so good at getting me off. I like him a lot and I feel so bad for him, because he seems like he's genuinely trying. Last night we tried again and after I stopped him (as I was getting sore and bored) he seemed really sad and the sex we had afterwards wasn't as fun and carefree as it usually is..
Is this relationship doomed? I really don't know what to do anymore, and I feel like my frustration is making it even harder for me to actually enjoy his attempts at making me orgasm. It's like a vicious circle.
Whether or not it’s a deal breaker is up to you. Is a partner having the ability to get you off using their tongue or hands a necessity to you? Or would it be okay if he used a toy on you/you got yourself off while he “assisted” somehow? I’m sure it depends on how great the rest of the relationship is, so I’d take a look at how much you like him outside of bed. Even so, it’s only been 3 months, so if this is really draining you I’d cut your losses now rather than suffer through it.
Fwiw, I’ve been with my current partner for over a year and never orgasm from penetrative sex and oral doesn’t do anything for me. I can get off, but I typically take care of it myself either using my hands or positioning myself against my partner’s body. It’s not a big deal to me - I see sex primarily as a way to feel close to my partner and as part of a larger scope of intimacy. I can have orgasms any time I want alone or with him, but they’re not the be all end all. I do, however, really love my partner and wouldn’t want to lose him because he can’t make me orgasm. That’s just me though. It’s okay for this to be an issue for you, especially since you’ve had more success with your ex.
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I’m having trouble getting wet. I went from being super wet constantly to now always feeling dry. It’s super depressing because now sex is embarrassing because I don’t feel wet and I feel horrible for my partner but he still gasses me up and doesn’t notice a change in fact he said I got better? But I noticed around the end of last year I don’t get as wet anymore and I can’t figure out why. I think it has to do with my period changes because now I get it for a week, and I get PMs symptoms for a week and I think it includes vaginal dryness. I also think it might have to do with my diet and stress from living on my own but Idk. I mainly think it’s due to my vibrator which I bought myself last year for my 25th bday lol. The reason I kinda blame it is because I went from taking at least 30 min to an hr to get myself off to now being able to get myself off in 30 seconds to a few minutes regardless of if I’m wet or not. I read online too that smoking weed can give you cotton vagina? that could be it too because I used to smoke every single day after work. (I stopped) Anyway my question is what foods can I start implementing into my diet that can help with vagina dryness and has anyone gone through this period if so how did you go back to your old self lol. It’s probably because I’m 26 now and my sex drive isn’t as high. But Ly his weekend I got super wet like the old days but I also Got my period like a day or 2 later so now I’m super confused lol Thank you in advance!
There's a few things that could be going on, all of which you should maybe see a gyno about but there's some simple things you can do at home. Regardless, dryness isn't something to be embarrassed about. I used to get super wet and then for a year had to use lube and then went back to normal.
I'd use a lube that's specifically formulated for persistent dryness and of wack pH balance. Good Clean Love Restore and System Jo Renew are good for sex and solo.
Menstrual cycle changes could be related to aging, changing medications, stress. I always get more wet before my period now.
It most likely is not related to your vibrator, unless the vibrator is effecting your pH and you're not cleaning and storing it properly. Or if it's a jelly/rubber material, in which case throw it out!
Have you done any therapy at all? It (understandably) sounds like you have problems connecting general human intimacy and positive emotions with sex, so zoning out is your way of removing yourself from a situation that could recall trauma. Obviously I don’t know much about your boyfriend but if he’s more concerned about how his small dick affects sex over your, y’know, painful trauma from childhood, then he’s retarded. I do understand that some people don’t know how to respond to heavy information like that, but at the same time, I think it’s pretty obvious when your partner is dissociating and that you should try to help them rather than just attempting to get your rocks off faster. Ffs shit like this frustrates me.
Put simply anon it is possible for you to enjoy sex on both a physical and mental level, but that will require you to deconstruct the damage that was wrongfully inflicted on you. It can be a difficult process and everyone heals on their own time, but reclaiming sex as something fun and positive that you own and you are in control of will make it a thousand times more enjoyable. It is, however, very hard to attempt this when your partner is blind to your struggles either through stupidity or willful negligence. A patient, kind and understanding partner can make a world of difference and it’s sounding like this guy is far from that.
This made me tear up a bit thank you :( I do really see it as something personal and very intimate. I'm slightly worried I'll be bad at it as a result but like I said the guy really wants to take it slow and get to know each other first which should help me relax.
I really appreciate both of your responses, thank you
There's absolutely nothing wrong with your personal experience, which sounds completely normal.
There is no competition on how many men you need to sleep with.
It sounds like he could be a keeper! It’s great you found a guy who’s on the same page.
I know quite a few people who have had a lot of casual sex and (by their own admission) were not very good at it until they found their long-term partner. Everyone is unique and what drives one person crazy may do absolutely nothing for another. My ex for example had been with a good number of women and he, uh. Wasn’t great lol. My current guy has taken the time to get to know my body and what I enjoy and it makes a world of difference. So long as you’re going into things with an open mind and a desire to please your partner (and yourself) I’m sure you’ll be great.
Same. But I think part of it for me is that I see women as being able to have multiple desires and dimensions to their personalities (she can have a promiscuous past but still fall in love and commit to one person) whereas I don't believe men are as capable.
idk why, probably because I on-and-off hate men and see them as far less emotionally intelligent on average. I'm even a virgin myself at a ripe age, so it's not like I'm excusing my own actions.
Thanks anon, I'm glad I'm not alone in this. Hearing your thoughts helped clarify mine as well. I agree about women being more emotionally mature overall. Promiscuous women are often that way because of a traumatic past (looking to heal in the wrong way), they didn't really know what they wanted, or even if they did see it as fun - they're willing to own that and grow from there.
With guys their reasoning is often, "Idk I saw an opportunity" and there's just no feeling whatsoever towards the women they may have hurt in the process. That they can so readily dehumanize another individual and have no remorse or deeper feelings about it really skeeves me and makes me never want to have sex again. I don't want to be seen as an expendable toy or tool rather than a person. I've only had sex in the context of long-term relationships but it still feels like if a guy had a lot of casual sex before, I doubt he's really going to see our interactions differently. I know there are guys who aren't like this but I guess I'm just jaded now lol.
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my bf doesn't cum–should i ask him about it or just let it be? i can infer that it's probably some mixture of depression/medical stuff/booze. i wanna ask so i can make him feel good, but at the same time if i can draw my own conclusion i don't want to make it awkward or seem like it's an issue
I don't like manwhores because I don't want HPV or herpes, it points to an underlying issue with their personality, I'm scared I'll be just another notch on their belt and they'll get tired of me eventually, and I don't trust men in general. Men who fuck around a lot just seem very jaded and bitter, many are misogynistic and manipulative. I don't want that shit in my life.
Before anyone starts, I don't care about women's body count because it doesn't affect me, since I'm not into women. I also don't see them as any less for it, though I feel bad for some who sleep around a lot and have self-esteem issues.
Women usually have a high number beacuse they have felt pressures to have sex
Men have a high number because they are sluts
Plus a high number for women is like 5, and a high number for a guy is like 25
Being able to talk to your partner and be upfront about potentially uncomfortable topics is so important if you’re hoping for any sort of lasting relationship. Ideally he would have given you a heads-up about this issue (since it’s more obvious with guys) as a kind FYI, but here we are. So if you’re aiming for something more serious with him, yes I would ask.
It doesn’t have to be a big thing, just sometime outside of sexual interaction with him say, “Hey so, I notice you haven’t been cumming during sex. That isn’t a big issue for me because I realize not everyone does, but I wanted to ask if you’re still enjoying things and if there’s anything I can do to help you get there. I don’t want you to feel pressured but I also didn’t want you to think I don’t care about your pleasure, and if it’s something you’d like to aim for together, I just want you to know I’m totally on board.” He can disclose as much about it as he wants from there, but at least you’ll have addressed the elephant in the room and let him know you’re there for him.
I've gone through the stress of HPV and pre-cancer. The vaccine didn't exist back when I was young enough to get it. The guy that I was dating at the time of my HPV and pre-cancer diagnosis bought me an unusually generous gift right after a particularly stressful appointment.. Turns out he had been cheating on me and obvs he thought that spending a couple hundred on a gift would clear his whole conscience.
I eventually tested negative again (two years and many exams and sleepless nights later) but I feel like I'd need therapy before I let someone near me again. Cancer scares are not the first scenario you imagine coming from an affair but as women we really do get the shit end of the stick when it comes to HPV and cervical health.
Yes, communication is key!
Another thing anon, I know it's hard but try not to take it personally. Whatever reason your boyfriend gives, there may be more going on than he knows himself. Maybe he feels self conscious about having sex, maybe he's dealing with stress or mental issues that are making his libido low, maybe he's having trouble in other areas of his life. Whatever it is, don't blame yourself for anything he hasn't specifically brought up with you. I see this happen to women far too often because we're raised believing we're supposed to take care of everyone else, but it's on other people to treat us with respect as well.
I have been the low libido sex-avoiding partner in past relationships, same thing where I would initiate while drunk though. It was a mix of low libido and tbh a lack of true attraction to my partner.
That much of a mismatch in libido/attraction usually leads to an inevitable breakup. You can't force or gently coerce someone into wanting more sex. It is a pretty valid
reason for ending things though. You deserve to feel desirable and fulfilled, those are just basic requirements in a relationship.
Does he take any medication? What are his porn habits like?
I don’t agree with the other anons, I’d give him a chance if you love him and you get along well otherwise. If this troubles you for a long time and there’s no possibility for change, I’d think about breaking up with him but I wouldn’t be too quick to break it off over something like this in a long-term relationship. Just communicate.
His libido might not always be lower and maybe something else is going on with him. Talk to him.
Is it just me or is the "endless whining" way too common in sexual relationships? I don't think I've ever refused a specific sex act with a guy and had that be the end of it. I'll say no, he gets sulky, eventually drops it, then brings it up next week like we never had the conversation.
This isn't about anyone specifically, more of a general gripe since I've had a few boyfriends and they've all done this EXACT whiny shit.
I'm so confused by this. I feel like your partner not wanting something would/should immediately make it something you also didn't want. Like, if I was interested in pegging my dude but he said no a hundred times before eventually giving in and was in clear discomfort while I was doing it, that would make me feel like a horrendous person and I would not enjoy it.
How are some guys seriously so sociopathic and disconnected from sex as an intimate activity that they don't give a shit about their partner feeling disgusted/in pain/bored yet doing some specific kink in itself is enough for them to get off? That is mentally deranged to me.
Anon needs to find out if the lack of libido is due to him not being attracted/in love with her anymore or if it's due to external reasons like depression/anxiety/medication/health problems.
In first case they should break up, otherwise there is something to be done to fix their relationship.
I wasn't referring to any specific act (although it's usually anal or something uncomfortable/degrading), it was just a general pattern I've noticed with almost all of my previous partners. I'll say no to something, they start whining/sulking as if I've offended their dead ancestor, then bring it up again later in hopes of a different answer.
It can really be anything though. One of my exes really wanted to have sex in public (like in a park or something) and would bring it up CONSTANTLY wherever we went. Every slightly secluded place would get a "this would be a good spot" comment. Tiring.
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Anyone else feel really disappointed when their partner changes their mind about having sex? I love sex, not just as a physical activity but I feel a lot of love/connection with my partner through it. My partner knows this. I told him how much I was looking forward to being with him, straight up say I want us to have time for sex in the evening, then when we both get in bed he seems weird. I ask if he's going straight to sleep, he says "Yes I think so" and that's it.
He had a long day, so I understand he was honestly tired and he's absolutely allowed to change his mind. At the same time, this sort of thing always makes me feel so frustrated and unappreciated. An acknowledgment of my feelings would've been cool at least, like "Hey sorry babe, I know you wanted to bang but let's make up for it tomorrow." It's additionally frustrating because whenever I go out on my own I get a bunch of randos commenting on me so sometimes I feel like complete strangers appreciate me more than my own boyfriend. I try not to take things like this personally but feels bad man.
Spent my early twenties in a kink scene where I went to parties with group sex, slept with both sexes and took part in BDSM.. even during all that I had the same issue. Men will find the one thing you don't want to do and set it as a task to get you to change your mind. I swear it's the same as men loving the chase of dating you in the first place. They get bored with loving, healthy consensual fun and they want to push boundaries and treat you like a challange.
The more I've experienced those types of men the more limited I've actually become in my sexual tastes, applying that pressure is about the most counterproductive thing when it comes to a womans enjoyment of sex. Turns it into a chore.
I find it hard to agree to sex in advance. Like I can't commit to sex even later the same day because god knows if I'll still feel like it. Similarly my last partner would be tired from work so I'd send him flirty texts during the day but I knew the chances of sex would be 50/50 anyway
Do you still have spontaneous sex on the regular?
Maybe I'll have some advice for you then. Because with dick inside I have to rub myself with a different technique than the one I use when I'm alone. It's either directly
touching the clit (which I hate when I'm alone), like pressing it and moving it left and right, or rubbing myself very low, almost touching the dick base. Idk why but those work but with my usual technique, my clit is numb too. So maybe try this?
probably a guy feels the same way when her partner is not in the mood and says no to sex.
I guess it's normal to feel disappointed for both.
Thanks, anon, I'll try to alternate it a bit. I usually find touching the clit directly extremely uncomfortable but in this situation, it might just work. Good luck to you and sorry for hijacking your post tho!
I've asked about vaginal orgasms here before too and according to those anons, if you can't orgasm from just the dick already, it's basically hopeless. I hope they're wrong.
I'm the same. Can't come during sex and rabbit vibes have never worked for me for the same reason. I really need to lay back and purely concentrate on clit stim if I want to finish. I've heard others describe the numbing effect too so I don't think it's all that unusual.
As long as I have a guy making me come in one way or another, I don't sweat it.
This was me too anon, I was scared of penetration and never used a tampon (still don't tbh) and never put anything "inside" myself until I lost my virginity. It's up to you, but I was more comfortable having someone else penetrate me rather than myself fumble around.
I don't think it is abnormal, if you masturbate and enjoy clitoral stimulation I never really saw the point in trying anything else that could potentially hurt. It didn't hurt though, in the end.
I'll say that unlike the other anon, once I started being penetrated I didn't ever crave it or want it. When I masturbate I still exclusively do it with clitoral stimulation. Some women do like penetration more though, so ymmv.
Lost my virginity at 24 too. I know the shame, anxiety and feeling of failure really well. Maybe it's not the healthiest advice, but if alcohol helped you relax and enjoy his touch… get drunk. That's what I did, it wasn't planned but helped immensely with my anxiety and fear of doing something stupid and embarrassing. After doing it you'll see it's not rocket science, there's nothing to fail at.
So, my advice is to buy some wine and share it on a romantic evening.
Having dated guys in the past where I'd similarly say "he's ok/his face is cute but he's not like, hot" it took me a long time to realise how much I was settling by staying with men like that.
The difference in quality of sex between being with those men and being with a "he's so fucking hot I just want to jump him all the time" guy is huge. By losing it to this guy and staying with this guy you might be signing yourself up to think that sex is just meh in general. Why do we settle for guys that don't excite the fuck out of us? Your partner should get you all excited even if you have nerves there too. You're not a failure, if anything please don't rush to have sex if it's with someone you describe as not even being hot in your eyes.
>felt very rushed, didn’t feel like it was going anywhere and I felt uncomfortable, embarrassed. I was bone dry and felt nothing
Your memory of the first time getting oral from him isn't the nicest memory. It's shitty to be stuck with that memory. Girl don't rush to have similarly uncomfortable sex. You don't sound attracted to him and he doesn't seem to be able to read you well either. That's a horrible combination.
I agree that alcohol can help, but definitely make sure to not drink too much. If you're more than just a little tipsy you might regret how you acted and what you did a thousand times more in the morning.>>148028>Why do we settle for guys that don't excite the fuck out of us?
I get your point, but imo in order to properly assess who excites the fuck out of you and who you want to jump all the time, a bit of sexual experience is needed. I was also nervous as hell to do sexual stuff with my first boyfriend, and only after we did it more I grew more comfortable with it and was able to develop that 'I want to jump him all the time' feeling. So I wouldn't be too quick to dismiss it as not being there.
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For real, help me /g/, how do I suck off a massive dick??
I'm dating this absolutely perfect chad-in-the-streets-gentle-and-wholesome-dream-boy-in-the-sheets with whom I have so far had insane sexual chemistry, we haven't had sex yet but I crave that D specifically in my mouth for some reason. But I'm not sure I'll have any idea what I'm doing due to previously only ever dating guys with smaller dicks lmfao plus they were all kinda shy and underconfident so wouldn't have told me if I did something retarded
like what's the sucking motion ideally like?? or the pressure? what other types of mouth motions would you compare the technique to? which parts of my mouth will the pressure come from and uhh pls just help me farmers
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Just communicate with the guy and listen to what he likes, everyone is different. Very general stuff that's usually good practice: try to make sure only your lips and tongue come into contact with his dick, don't let teeth scrape against him. Use a lot of saliva, typically the sloppier the better. You can use your fingers in the "okay" motion to grip the lower half of his dick and stroke in time with bobbing your head up and down for more pressure and to prevent gagging if he's big. Also I'd recommend not immediately sucking him off, lick along his shaft and tip, gently run your fingers along his balls and build some anticipation before just shoving it in. Some guys are actually fairly sensitive and too much pressure early on can be uncomfortable.
Do you get turned on while fantasizing about sex with him specifically? Besides that, you need to communicate better with each other. Does he know how nervous you are? From experience, even if it gets kind of awkward or cringey on your end, guys don't mind shyness at first, and he needs to guide you in some way.
I agree a lot with >>148028
though. Even though I'd get turned on while cuddling guys I thought were just okay looking in the past (because physical intimacy duh), starting to go for guys I'm extremely attracted to was a game changer. If you truthfully feel more disgusted than just frozen up from nerves, or don't have any urges at all to do things to him, you may not be attracted after all.
You can fail at sex, speaking from own experience
But it shouldn't be a big deal like duh you've never done it before
>>147440>my SO keeps asking for it so I guess I'll have to at least give it a try one time
Not really, no. If it was something you were neutral about, giving it a shot would be a nice, game thing to do. But since you actively want to NOT do this, that should be the end of the conversation.>>147883
Does it work if he plays with your clit? He could probably manage that in missionary.>>147968
There would be no blanket consent, he wants to know what would be okay with me in a scenario like that. I normally love going down on him, but it has to feel voluntary on my end, so we'll be skipping that. Thank for your feedback. I think it will be fun and he has always shown me I can trust him. Any time I've wanted to stop anything for any reason or no reason, he's stopped immediately, and comforted me. >>147983
I went through a similar feeling. I'd talk to him fully clothed, outside of the bedroom about this, being open and honest. The right, very patient man, will work through this with you in a loving and respectful way.>>148264
Honestly, ask him, but also focus on the head. The meme is taking all of it, but that's not necessary.
Why are there so many posts lately about women chasing PIV orgasms like they're meant to be infinitely better than a clitoral one? They're really not.
>I get small and cozy orgasm from my clit when masturbating by myself
What about with your partner, are you getting clitoral orgasms from them?
Why are you lying to her?
Just tell her the truth, it's no big deal anyway and most men don't care.
so uh… update i asked and it's because he's too used to fapping/hasn't had a gf in some years (which probably means too hard of a grip + pornsick). there's really nothing i can do about it is there
>that feel when idk if i'll ever make him feel as good as the random ladies on the screen did
I mean you could save yourself the further humiliation of dating a pornsick deathgrip-fapper and move on knowing that even while most men do watch porn.. their dicks usually still work in irl situations.
You deserve fulfillment and you don't deserve to have this mans many problems tear into your self esteem. Especially if he's abusing alcohol, be careful.
I have upgraded my old corded Hitachi magic wand with a new cordless one. What's something I could for a send-off that would destroy the old one in the process? It's not exactly the sort of thing you can donate to Goodwill.>>148496>so uh… update i asked and it's because he's too used to fapping/hasn't had a gf in some years (which probably means too hard of a grip + pornsick). there's really nothing i can do about it is there
Mine had a similar situation, and giving it time helped. He did not have to stop masturbating entirely. In the mean time, ask what you can do to make him feel good, and let him know there is no pressure for him to cum. He should be fapping less hard, and if he's watching non-vanilla porn, it would be good for him to stop. Remember that the male orgasm shouldn't be the focus of sex, anyways. Intimacy is the most important thing with sex.>>148554
Have you suggested anything specific to him? More variety is so broad.
When even cat calling is taught to be as bad as rape in western society, educated and gentle men will play by these rules and never dare to do something that might be judged as toxic
Well, nah, I don't think this has anything to do with it. I doubt that my bf has encountered a lot of people with that mindset. Also "never dare to do something that might be judged as toxic
masculinity" is definitely an overstatement, who tf said that?
>>148752>educated and gentle men will play by these rules and never dare to do something that might be judged as toxic masculinity.
If boyfriends of >>148752
anons were into rougher sex, they would engage in it once receiving consent, this has nothing to do with "society rules" binding them or whatever. Men are often expected to be domineering and rough while plenty of them really are not into power play and degradation and only like vanilla stuff, which should totally be normalized. You can't force your kink on somebody else.
and I don’t even want kinky sex, I’d just like him to be a bit more forward sometimes, like initiating by grabbing me/pulling me in and kissing me or something. Other than that, I’m very satisfied and I’m more than happy to be with a dude who isn’t into power play, weird kinks and degrading shit. Don’t know about the other anon tho.
You're very lucky, it's hard to find a man like that. Grabbing you, pulling you in for a kiss isn't really degrading though, that's a big reach. Maybe do it to him - grab him, be more passionate, and afterwards ask if he felt degraded or bad. I'm sure his response will be no. Then you can be like, SEE? Basically prove to him it's hot and not degrading at all.
May apply to the other anon, depends on what she means under "kinky" and "rough".
Not sure if this is the best thread for this, but how much do we get the fabled post-orgasm clarity?
Is it a good idea to masturbate while you're taking some time alone to figure out if you want to be with somebody?
What if I think masturbation was one of the things that led the relationship to this point? We talk a lot about pornsick men, and I don't watch porn, but I genuinely think that my frequent masturbation and fantasizing made it so that I'm less "present" during sex and enjoy it a lot less than I did before (when I was touching myself less and fantasizing about tamer things).
Ask if you can full on grab his dick, if he says no then try to figure out a different way. But he may say yes.
Your hints really are pretty subtle, I usually would start with caressing and kisses, if a person engages in that it means they're interested in intimacy so you're off to a good start. These usually suffice to get my bf hard in which case I proceed with "grab a dick" protocol; tends to be an unmissable hint.
You can keep trying if it doesn't make you uncomfortable. I think I have a smaller vagina, my first bf that took my virginity had a big dick. We had great sex for about 2 and a half years and then I couldn't take him anymore, there could have been other mental factors idk but I basically had that vagina tightening thing with him, could only take his fingers. He use to always hit my cervix.
I had difficulty sleeping with a black guy too we never got it in and after 3 attempts ended our dating saga lol.
Had great sex last 5 years with a guy with a much smaller dick. He's never hit my cervix but he had me cumming every time.
I don't know if it's discussed much but I do think girls can have size preferences, and not always wanting bigger.
Are you using latex-free condoms? Whatever protection you're using now could be irritating you, so might help to try a few different brands.
Some of this might sound obvious, but just mentioning them because they might be easy to overlook for that same reason. Drink lots of water to ensure you're "flushing" things often. Maybe rinse yourself more thoroughly with a washcloth after sex and change your undies.
I used to get regular UTIs from my boyfriend as well (he has good hygiene and we weren't seeing other people, plus no physical protection so nothing else was affecting me). I took D-Mannose for a while to help combat them, which did help. It basically stops bacteria from sticking to the urinary tract. At some point I stopped taking it and while there were a few rarer infections, I don't get them anymore, so perhaps my body adapted. Could be worth a shot.
I don't know much about furagin but it seems to be an antibiotic, so definitely not something you'd want to take consistently. D-Mannose is just a sugar/supplement so at least it would be more gentle.
I'm using latex because they're the safest; are they irritating? Maybe the lube they're covered with has some bad ingredient. Now when I think about it, we reached a conclusion they smell like shit and switched to fruity ones for one pack and it was a bit better I think? I don't remember having UTIs every
time. Yea I'm drinking a lot of water and really upped my genital hygiene, it seemed to work with the fruity condoms.
Maybe I'm on the right track here with the condoms, or maybe it's unrelated. Either way thanks a lot, I didn't know about D-Mannose! It's a bit costly here but it's worth trying if there's a possibility I could build up some sort of immunity. That would be really great
I used to get UTIs all the time, sometimes they'd last for months. This is the routine I started that made them clear up forever:
>Pee before sex, pee after sex.>Even if it's just a few drops.>Avoid glycerin-based lube (bacteria feeds on glycerin, gross I know). >When you poop be SUPER conscious of contamination. >Use different toilet paper between vag and butt. Wipe front to back obviously. Use a bidet / water bottle/ baby wipes after pooping so no lil poop molecules are hanging out, getting on your underwear etc. >Cotton underwear only. >Opt for showers whenever possible. If you must bath, no ph-altering bath products like bubble bath. >Drink water, try eat healthy is always good advice blah blah, but high protein diet will literally change the PH of your urine and make UTIs less likely.
Sorry I sound like a hobby subreddit for vagina owners* but this is all I did and I'm not sure what helped me and what was pointless. I just did a bunch of research and kept the things that made sense to me. I've been UTI free since January so something's working.
Also you can buy pee sticks in bulk online so you can test yourself for UTI bugs (they're called leukocytes) without making a doctor's appointment. *they'd probably ban it bc vaginas aren't real
I've been UTI free for 2 years. The only change I've made is being single again lol
In both of my relationships I found myself so prone to getting them. I tried everything that I could to prevent them and still got several a year.
Thing is I still masturbate alot now, I have toys that I use all the time so there's still penetration happening to me.. but no more UTIs. My fingers and my toys don't cause them but as soon as a penis goes near me.. guaranteed to suffer afterwards.
Oh gosh, I didn't know that.
That's true you can never know but I definitely did not let my vagina touch the tip. It was completely covered by my hand. And this occurred early on in our session so he had not cum nor released that much precum.
Sperm lives on the outside of a dick for a few days?
I am 19 and I feel like I have nowhere to learn about these types of things. I wish there was a website that explained every act and its risk.
Rubbing a dick on a vag is definitely lower risk than inserting it but sperm often finds a way lol >>151906
The bigger issue here is probably the chance of getting carried away in the moment. That's how you get started 'I'll just rub it on the outside' Taking small risks and then worrying about it afterwards isn't a good sign. Have a serious conversation about birth control if you're already at the stage of rubbing your junk together.
Sperm will find a way even if nothing goes inside me (fingers, etc)?
And I understand, I was very adamant about not going further than that though and I never would permit anything more without birth control. But I will not do that again if there is a small risk, I just wasn't aware of it. Should I take a Plan B?
>>151906>wish there was a website that explained every act and its risk.
Anon I don't want to be mean but there are many guides aimed at teaching young people about sex online, just avoid any that are religiously affiliatedhttps://www.nhs.uk/live-well/sexual-health/sex-activities-and-risk/https://www.scarleteen.com/article/bodies/safe_sound_sexy_a_safer_sex_howto>>151957
From all you've said you should be fine because there was no penetration of any kind or semem splashing about but you need to be more careful in future. It's best to use a custom even when you aren't having PIV just in case
Thanks so much, I google things all the time but the links that always come up are quora, yahoo ask, or other places where the answers are unverified/unqualified so these are great. Thank you.
Okay, got it. I appreciate the consistent replies.
I do feel rather gay towards him but everytime an issue comes up it just adds on to my frustration. Oh, you said something insensitive to me? And you're not even having sex with me on a regular basis? shit like that.
But im an abandonment issue adult, I have a lot of fear towards bringing up issues/breaking up with people because I think im gonna regret it and slowly die in a post breakup depression.
I just wanna bang.
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I'm in a long term relationship and I only feel confident to have sex after I've just shaved and he only feels confident after he just showered. It makes it tough to get in bed together and our sex life has gone down quite a lot - we used to fuck 2/3 times a week and now we have sex maybe twice a month.. Any advice to change? I'm wondering if the solution is to literally just fuck as we are lmao
Check out/fit/ for supplements that increase his t. And if he's underweight he might not be getting enough cholesterol to convert it. Also dudes get insecure about shit and beat themselves up about, especially when it comes to anything sex related. It's frustrating, but approach with care.. and it seems like you're already doing that.>>152013
I don't know why this happens, but I've talked to other friends it's happened to and deal with it myself. I think that it's just a matter of getting over it and just stay on top of maintenance whether you think it might happen or not, same for him unless it's literally right before sex. Why does this make us so insecure?
>>152036>"it's like being caressed on the inside" or "you can feel every fold and ridge of the glands" like wtf lol
Lmao of course that's bullshit. I'm with you on that, sure it's nice to have a cock inside but the mental image and emotional closeness is what makes it hot, the act itself not so much.
I'd say - suck on your thumb, that's close to what PIV is like if you cut all the emotions and sexual arousal out of it.
PIV sex is going to feel different depending on the vagina and dick participating. If the dicks on the smaller side you'll initially feel it go in like a pop almost lol and then idk, like a tampon? Ime PIV is only uncomfortable if the guy thinks taking his dick fully out and then sticking it in again is optimal. Just ruins the flow.
Bigger dicks you'll just feel more full or sometimes your cervix will get hit and be sore.
I agree with anon above. It's not the physical act that feels hot in PIV but the emotional connection. If there's no emotional connection I'd prefer just to get fingered lol
If you've told him that thrusting deep is painful but he hasn't stopped then that's a red flag. If you haven't told him yet then you have to and he'll just have to deal with not thrusting all the way.
Other option is just don't have PIV sex with him. It's literally useless to do it if it's painful for you. Peg him or something.
Quite frankly there's no other solution (except leave him I guess) because you can't make your vagina longer.
I have a low cervix and partners are usually very understanding of that. Even one night stands are if I just say "hey I really don't like my cervix hit so just be careful of that" Any man ignoring that should be shown the door.
Your experience of having sex with this man is that 'every thrust is horrible'… Girl why are you having sex with him?? Has he honestly not noticed that he's giving you this almost traumatising sexual experience?
You could try positions where he won't hit so deep. Just google something like "sex positions for big penises" and you'll find tons of women's mag articles with instructions and illustrations.
Also tell him to stop/not thrust all the way, wtf anon don't just take it if you're in pain.
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It only feels good if the dick goes not all the way in, like doing little thrusts until fully inside. Then when it's fully in it's just meh. Times I did sleep with a guy I only went on top because it's so easy for it to hit the wrong places. Honestly after getting a dildo I don't feel any desire for real piv.
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Certain muscles in the leg interact with the inner clitoral body, it's normal.
Didn't know that, but suspected. But my problem is that only flexing those leg muscles straight makes me finish, so I won't orgasm on top for example. >>152085
thanks for you input, so it's not necessarily "me" thing
Not sure where you live but where I am they always seem to want to start you out on the pill or patch when it's your first time going on BC. Might be different in other countries but it's hard to get a Doc here to agree to it right off the bat.
You might aswell get a toy either way though. A few other anons have mentioned that they used toys before their first time. I did that and I liked having that control over my own hymen. Just buy something made of a safe material like silicone. Stay away from jelly/rubber etc
>>152049> like a tampon?
lol if you feel the tampon inside of you this means you have not inserted it correctly, anon.
the feeling of the dick inside of you really depends on the level of arousal for me.
when I am really horny and super-wet it feels great, like a need being fulfilled you know, I just want him to keep pumping it inside me and fill me.
it's more meh when I am not 100% into it, and not being wet enough makes my pussy feel soar afterwards sometimes.
when i actually am turned on, or sometimes just randomly, it feels pretty nice. just like a full feeling that hits a nice spot. cant orgasm from pure PIV but if you get into it, its still a good feeling>>152081
i can only nut dangling off in a weird L position (him facing sideways me kind of forming the bottom part of the L) with my legs slightly spread while I take care of the clit. I don't think its an issue honestly and i've looked into it, its hard to change these habits because they form very early
The position you described is normal, Anon. It's one of the easiest ways to reach the clit while a guy penetrates you.
Everyone I know does this. (Except that one girl, you know the one that can come from piv)
To me it feels like someone hits just the right spot, like there's an itch (but not really itchy) that needs to be scratched. But I've only experienced it with one partner. With the rest it just felt like nothing. A bit uncomfortable when the person enters me, that's it. Really boring lol>>152081
Me too mostly, but I want to learn to do it while being relaxed. I think it can definitely happen, I was just never bothered to really experiment with that. I think it's really common tbh>>152013
I think trying to be ok with it is the right and body positive/progressive answer, but you should feel comfortable doing it, so maybe take a shower together right before.
You could try laser or waxing if you're ready to invest more into it.
I don’t know if this is the right thread for this, but I’ll try it out. My boyfriend and I went through a completely dead bedroom rut from February til recently, and now that we’ve started having sex again, we’re doing it frequently and it’s great! We had amazing sexual chemistry before and still do. However, I’ve noticed that he’s more violent in bed than he was before we stopped for a while. I was into lightly rough sex and we’d talk about it before doing things, where he’d slap my tits sometimes when we had sex and lightly choke (more like hold my throat with no pressure). I would do the same back because he liked it too. Now, he’s surprised me by slapping my face and vagina, the latter of which is something he never did before. Not gonna lie, I don’t mind it, it’s not hard at all and doesn’t hurt. It’s something we talked about a long time ago, but he’d always ask before doing it and hasn’t recently. It’s just weird that he’s taken such a dominate role where he was more submissive/equal. He’s also finished on my face twice, again, without asking, and I don’t mind, but he literally never did that before. He’d always finish inside or on my torso/chest. I don’t think he spent that time watching porn and jerking off—at least I didn’t think that at all until now. Now I’m starting to wonder if he was a bit porn addicted during that time. We only started having sex again when we truly almost broke up over it. I don’t even know if it’s a problem since we’re having sex again and it’s enjoyable for both of us. I’m not bothered by the things he’s doing except for the fact that it’s so different compared to his bedroom behavior before. Am I overthinking it?
6 months of dead bedroom and then he starts doing rough shit without asking first… yeah this does sound like a porn addiction. A dead bedroom when you're only dating, not married with kids or anything yet isn't a great indicator and again having to wait til you were about to split to start having sex again isn't great. Hard to know what to advise here, his porn habits seem to be kept pretty secret from you so he's going to remain secretive even if you do confront the issue. That and > but he’d always ask before doing it and hasn’t recently > again, without asking, and I don’t mind, but he literally never did that before
He had no way of knowing if that was okay. What's he going to throw in there next with absolutely no discussion beforehand?
Yeah, porn definitely influenced my tastes when it comes to rough sex. Since we stopped having sex for months and I started learning more about porn addiction and its influence on both men and women, I’m not particularly interested in it anymore, but it’s not a turn off either. Like I mentioned, it’s nothing painful or dangerous—even with the “choking,” there’s no actual pressure applied, as we’ve talked about how neither of us are into breathplay, it’s just the feeling of being held there and possessed by each other that we like. It’s just weird. Different. More frequent than before with his bedroom demeanor being much more dominant. I’m a little worried about talking about it because I don’t want to scare him off from having sex again, but I’m sure we will. We have really open communication about everything, which is why if it was
something like porn addiction during that break, it’ll be alarming and heartbreaking because it’d mean he hid it from me really well..
Thank you for your perspective, I agree with you. I suppose I knew the answers and all that before bringing it here, it’s just better to know I’m not crazy or overthinking it.
>>152733>He has no way of knowing that was okay
That’s true. I feel like a lot of the other stuff I can kind of look past because they were part of our bedroom dynamics at least sometimes
before, and we talked about it, but the finishing on my face thing is extremely out of the box. I don’t think I ever mentioned being interested in or okay with it in passing either. It’d been a non-issue. Just weird as hell, I don’t know where else he would go from there.
I thought the dead bedroom was just from the incredible stress of his job and him feeling uncomfortable with his body since he put some stress weight on, which I didn’t care about and thought was cute (I am a simp 4 him kek). He kept claiming he just didn’t feel sexual and did specifically say he wasn’t jerking/getting off in its stead, which I believed until now. Just don’t know what to think at this point, and it’s hard to decide whether to press it or not. Thank you for your response! I don’t expect expert advise, I just really appreciate some outside perspective from you guys and trust this place to be honest, especially about sex/porn and men.
I wouldn't want a guy to finish on my face and in all my time and all my partners (serious bfs and not so serious) no man has ever just spontaneously done it. It's not something you can just confidently go for without knowing first. That's pretty fucked up.
Going months without sex because he doesn't want it.. then having this done to you without him even checking because he did want that.. I wman wouldn't it be nice to have an actual fulfilling sex life with a man who cares about what you want? >I am a simp 4 him kek
It's hard to imagine the appeal
The dead bedroom has been the only issue in our relationship, albeit a big one. He’s a wonderful person and partner otherwise, and during sex he does put my pleasure and orgasms before his own and always has, even with the weird stuff going on. Like I said, it’s not stuff that it’s an turn off for me, it’s just different than the norm/his previous demeanor and I’m wondering why. >>152739
You’re 100% right, thank you. Sometimes you just gotta hear things you already know.
That's what we're dancing around here. He had never done it before, you had never talked about it being okay, you said the subject had never come up before. He didn't ask right beforehand. There was no way for him to know it was ok. You're on here looking for advice because it didn't sit right with you.. >sexual assault
You are the first one here to actually use those words btw
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does using a strap on even pleasure the woman wearing it physically? does it rub against the clit at all or do women just use it because they find it 'mentally' arousing to penetrate their partner?
I’m more here because I’m wondering if the change in dynamic after a stint of dead bedroom was porn influenced. It’s odd behavior, but I know for a fact he wouldn’t have done it if there was any indication I didn’t want it. Imo, being together for that long and having a comfortable sexual history means that sometimes, you can do things in the moment or physically ask, so to speak, and trust your partner to say no if they don’t want it. We’ve operated that way for a while. Again, I know that might be controversial, but I hope you understand what I mean there.
I said “sexual assault” as shorthand for “sex act without my permission” because I feel like those things are interchangeable, and I do think someone can commit a sexual assault (and rape ofc) against a their partner. I don’t feel sexually assaulted by my bf in any way with this, though.
>>152757 > We’ve operated that way for a while
But you've been sexless for a while. A third of your short relationship has been spent deadbedroom. The flow gets kind of messed up when a couple just doesn't have sex for 6 months.
Whatever the reason for that (porn?) if your bedroom goes dead after only a year together.. I think you were right when you were about to leave. A dead bedroom that soon into dating? Read the deadbedroom subreddit and tell me you want that future for yourself lol. Most of those people at least had good sex before their kids came along.
Samefagging just to say that ex was older too so I think between that and him working alot, oral was just easier to do during the week and full sex happened more on weekends.
He was sometimes lazy about returning the favor during the week but I worked out that if I just asked him on a sat or sunday he'd dedicate time to looking after me.
Have you noticed if he's more attentive on his days off?
Ime a lot of guys love assholes… but I fully understand his squeamishness too. I'm bi and it kinda bothers me how close the two holes are..I only eat pussy in certain positions because I don't want my nose in an asshole basically.
I wouldn't get a complex over it
How are we allegedly the "sexual selectors" or whatever and yet we're pressured to do all this bullshit?
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Exactly, imagine if we were like birds where rape isn't physically possible. Everyone would be beautiful and rarely any disease. Maybe if men all had microdicks the world would be a better place.
What's your experience with period sex?
I have to vent a bit. I had it for the first time yesterday, but it was already weak flow. It was kinda awkward; we had usual foreplay, I stopped him and said I was on my period. He went silent lol, I could tell he's disappointed. I said I'm okay with sex and is he? He said he doesn't know, asked if there's still a lot of blood, I said no. We kissed some more, I had to go to the bathroom to take out my cup, came back, asked for a an old towel or tshirt to put under my butt, we had sex then I went to insert the cup again - I don't know, awkward.
I heard girls say they orgasm more/better during their period but it was duller for me than usual. Maybe because he didn't touch my vagina area at all during foreplay. In general, I'm glad we did it because it seemed like my bf's first time with blood. On the other hand, when I think about it I can feel a sour grimace coming up on my face. I know we're just used to blood because of all the years of menstruating and it's more uncomfortable for men, but still, his reluctance made me feel a bit bad about it all.
I just refreshed the screen, but feel like a stalker replying this fast.
K, get a lumma disc. They're b1g1 always and amazing for period sex
I always get stupid horny during my period. My last ex was pretty unfazed by blood so to me that was some of the best sex I've had. We were at a point where bodily functions weren't say overshared.. but we were living together and pretty comfortable
Knowing your partner is truly cool with it makes a huge difference. Sounds like you weren't convinced
My bf doesn't care about me being on my period at all. He won't eat me out while I'm bleeding obviously, but he doesn't mind fingering me or anything. I think it 'helped' that I had my period for about a 6 month period with just a few gaps in between as a result of shitty birth control side effects, so that desensitized him to it even more.
Generally I'm more horny on my period too, but sex can sometimes feel less intense because too much blood can mean too much lubrication/not enough friction while having sex. This will depend on the size of your man though. >>153215
Don't be self conscious about your moans! I'm pretty sure that 99% of guys think it's super hot. As long as it's not a room with open windows in the middle of the day right above a busy yet quiet street you're fine. I love when my bf moans loudly, but one time we had sex in the afternoon in my room with open windows. They opened to a street that regularly had playing children in it and neighbours walking their dogs, and I did feel really awkward about that as soon as I realized they could probably hear it. Doesn't have anything to do with not liking loud moans, just privacy.
I haven't been with a single guy who has cared, they have been just as exited as usual. And they have all been pretty inexperienced, pretty sure I'm the only bloody cunt they've fucked. Even been fingered and gotten oral if they have been horny enough.
Younger guys are pretty desensitised to periods where I live though, they just view it as a normal bodily function and don't really make a big deal out of it, like older men here do. I think girls here are more scared of guys thinking its gross, than guys here think its gross. Or they think its gross, but sex is better so they don't give a shit.
period sex anon here, thanks for the replies. Okay, if the topic comes up, I'll tell him guys usually don't have a problem with it, talking from my gfs experience (lol). Maybe that will help him feel like it's not anything weird.
He's way more experienced than I am in general so his reluctance and lack of opinion on period sex caught me off guard. He must have been completely denied it from his previous partners.
I don't think he would finger me though, he really kept his hands to himself, which is kinda sad. But maybe that will come with experience. I hope I won't stupidly feel awkward because of it the next time. >>153152
I’m sorry he reacted that way anon. It is nothing to be embarrassed about and plenty of people have PIV intercourse while on their period.
My fiancé make a joke of it if things get messy and just clean up afterwards. Period sex kinda hurts for me so I don’t know about the orgasming more part. It isn’t a dirty or shameful thing, just a part of life.
Anon above gave you very good advice. I'll tell you something from my own experience, because I can relate.
Before my bf I also was a virgin, he on the other hand is very experienced. I only learnt that after losing the v with him though. I'm also weirdly uncomfortable with this and it has nothing to do with religion or morals.
What helps me is thinking that past is past.
He was in a different place, he was a different person. He's with me now and I can tell he loves me. There's nothing to be self-conscious about. He chose you! Those girls are just a distant memory.
Tbh it's best to not feed those thoughts. Let them come ang go. The sexuologist I know doesn't recommend asking about sexual past at all, because most people can't handle the answers. Of course there are people who just don't care. But if you're not one of them, focus on the present and if you start feeling bad, confront those irrational feelings with your bf's feelings for you.
whaat why is it the first time I'm hearing about menstrual discs. So basically it's like a cork on your cervix? Isn't the string problematic
during sex? Like the dick moving it and moving the disc out of place? Do you use it only for period sex or in general instead of menstrual cup?
I'm this anon, I'm not sure if anyone cares for updates ITT or not, but I have one!
We talked, and when I asked him about it and straight up asked if porn had influenced his taste/it was something he watched a lot of while we weren't really having sex, he seemed surprised that I thought that and said no. He said he just "knew that I liked that stuff and wanted to make up for not having sex for a long time with really good sex for me," kek, I laughed and said he didn't have to do all of that and then we had normal sex and have been having normal sex since. Pretty minimal rough stuff, and what does come feels more natural. In case anyone was wondering. I still appreciate the advice and insight from everyone!
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there is a string in the lumma disc from the lumma store though. Of course I've googled and read the general explanation but why not ask someone who seems to have actually used them
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For a long time pic attached was the only real disc that was on the market. Have only tried those oldstyle disposable ones and found them so messy to put in and take out that having regular old period sex was easier. There was less mess and fuss involved by just going ahead with sex ime
I would look into couples therapy. You have no real answers on why sex died off so soon into dating. Your communication with each other in bed was pretty lacking once you started having sex again and this post gives off the vibe that he's only having sex again to 'make up' for all the times where you haven't been having sex.
Issues like that require a bit more work. Not trying to be negative here but this sounds like a band aid that will fall off again in no time.
Thank you! I'd say we do. Obviously our relationship isn't perfect, but our ability to communicate and get through things without it delving into a pity party or finger pointing is pretty solid. I think we managed to get through dead bedroom because sex, while important, never has been the crux of our relationship. We get along, support, and love each other in so many other ways that while yes, it was and definitely became a bigger issue over time, it just wasn't enough to want to end it. We talked about it openly throughout, and even though it was hard at times, he actively showed me he loves me in other ways and vice versa. And of course, with it getting too hard/bad, close to ending things, he put the effort back into having sex and getting over this mental block he put over himself regarding sex (which I hadn't mentioned but is something he brought up when we talked about it.)>>153494
I'll consider it if it ever happens again or if other things pop up. I'm not against it at all and don't think he would be either–he even talked about going to therapy regarding his inability to have sex with me himself even though he didn't end up going through with it. I do understand why we weren't having sex, and tbh that's probably why we didn't for so long–trying to give him the space and time to be comfortable with himself, to be less stressed, etc, basically lots of stuff that would take too much time to unpack here. I agree that it might come across as sounding like a band-aid fix, but I promise that in person it doesn't feel like it and that the answer makes sense for him/our dynamic. Again, though, I see where you're coming from with the info given and appreciate your perspective. It's not something that I won't keep in mind for sure. Like I said in a post previous, I came here because of the honesty and perspective LC has when it comes to men, porn, and sexuality.
Ok, so you stick your finger into your vag, and assess how easily you can touch your cervix. The further up it goes, the larger the disc you can get. They come in S, M, L. You could get 2 Medium sized ones and probably be golden, but if your cervix is really low just go for 1 small and one medium for sex. You wash it, sterilize it with a steamer thing, and rinse it really well again before first use. Fold it in half by pinching it along the harder part of the silicone at the top and carefully insert it squished together with the open part facing up til it's fully in, obviously the tail will be the last to go in so that you can retreive it later. If your cervix is tilted, you might have to go in at an angle. Ok, so to make sure that you don't leak when you use it, you'll need to make sure it's in and has actually gone over your cervix. So once you have it pushed in, take a clean clipped fingernail fingertip and push it in further. Push the string in and off to the side because it's fucking annoying.
You can trim the string down to only one segment or completely off. Keep at least one around that has the string for easy retrieval. If you do trim the string off completely from the one, that's the one you should have the most success with during sex. Make sure that it's trimmed against the side as smoothly as possibly, if that catches on foreskin and it's rough it's going to be uncomfortable for him at the minimum. To get the stringless one out, you'll bear down a little to get it back from behind your pelvic floor and have a finger ready to retrieve inside. You'll hook the top and carefully remove it. Not really that messy once you get the hang of it. Take it out and pee as soon as you're done with sex. Just pee every time after sex anyway. Wash it with fragrance free, oil free soap and pop it back in.
It's great for the whole duration of your period, don't go over 12 hours with it in and check it every 2-3 hours if you bleed a lot. You can exercise with it in too but might want a backup pad, even leg presses. If you poop and it's close to full, it'll autodump for you and release some into the toilet. Just clean finger it or kegel it back into place over your cervix and your gtg.
Oh anon, that's fucking awful. I don't really know what I or anyone can say to make you feel better or take away the pain of that memory, but you should know that you're always allowed to stop or not participate in a sexual act that hurts you or you just plain don't want to do, and that him forcing himself on you like that was
a violation. I'm sorry that happened. He didn't deserve to touch you like that, and I'm glad you enforced the boundary of not letting him again. You don't have to feel any sort of way about it all the time. It can and might fluctuate, but overall, it was incredibly not okay, and it's normal, understandable, and entirely valid
for you to feel violated because you were. Him being your partner doesn't change that. I'm sorry.
I've been together with my boyfriend for four months and he's wonderful, aspie like me and endlessly kind, I really enjoy our growing relationship,
In the time we've become intimate, he opened up to me that the only way he can get off is involving hooded sweatshirts, he's fixated on things like the hood, texture and hems, and he's never told anyone because he doesn't want to feel ashamed of it. I've been happy to embrace this despite how unconventially weird it is to him, and I have never met anyone prior to this with such a fetish.
We recently had a rough patch for a month and I've noticed, even though before he'd grown to be very attached to being intimate with me and him wearing them, his current fixation during the rough month (where we haven't been flirtatious) is back to just being satisfied with fixating on the hood or hems of his own ones he uses. His fantasies are less "I really want to fuck you through this hoodie and be close to you" lately and more "I really want to just fuck your hood" and fixation on his own,
I know he goes through phases of fixations in general like I do due to being spectrum, like with songs and albums, but how can I rekindle the intimacy we had where
should I just give it time? Originally, it happened naturally, and having always wondered if he was ace, when he did develop urges to have intimacy with me wearing the hoodies and not just by himself involving the hoodies he then became really fond of what he could do to me under that- he was more interested in things like my reactions and the thrill of it being with me, myself.
I know it's mostly down to the fact we had a rough patch, and we're only just coming out of said rough patch, so I'm trying to not take it personally and I've just been assuming that if I let him process things however is most comfortable, he'll come to me and involve me more when things between us feel comfortable again.
Sorry, I know this is a really weird one, I guess the TLDR is: boyfriend who used to think he was ace has very specific fetish, involved me in it the more he fell for me, now that we've had a rough patch it feels more solo again.
It's definitely weird, I've been in several longterms and everyone's had their own kinks, he thought he was ace/aro for a very long time prior to us becoming friends and later dating and he's grown more and more in love with me, I've talked to him about this before and it started when he was very young, and in some ways it sort of works with my own kinks too even if I know he is a bit strange for it,
He's completely loyal and in general all around a wonderful bf and I have no issue involving his fetish into our bedroom life- initially I didn't even expect us to have one, I don't think he did either!
but he grew to crave intimacy with me and once this pandemic dies down I'd be curious to see how he reacts to me in general, outside of the clothes so maybe I'll have to update.
He's pretty honest about the act that his aspergers is probably a huge part of this and I've done my own research of it too, how it isn't uncommon for them to have less interest in typical sex in some ways, but when he's missing me he'll talk about how someday he'd like to try intimacy outside of the hoodies- so it's not completely off the cards. He just hasn't had a chance to see me through all of this for us to find out,
by all means it's weird, trust me, I think that a lot, but I'm still glad he's comfortable enough he'd share it with me, than pretend he's into things he isn't. It's been an emotionally hard month and maybe I'm overthinking it but I think he's retreated into his shell because prior to this he confessed to me that out of all the years of hoodies exciting him, nothing he's seen has ever excited him the way that the idea of being intimate with me does
that's okay anon, sorry if this is too explicit- he means for me to be in nothing but one, but he'll toy with me through and underneath it, sometimes through the hem but he wants to try full intercourse after we've been able to meet up again (long distance) so he seems to have started to move away from it being through fabric, he gets fixated on seeing how he can get me off,
but with long distance and our rough patch that was over a month I don't know how to go about seeing if he's still into me.
bless you, I appreciate this, it's okay, I definitely don't feel like I have to settle for him or anyone, and I'm with him for a multitude of positive reasons, us both being aspies is just a small bonus thing we have in common and he understands my own difficulties and as a result emotionally, he's brilliant. His sexual fixations are by all means weird but prior to this rough patch (which was emotional) we were much more heated sexually and I suspect that it's because of that, that he's seemed a little more distant,
He's definitely the more "still struggles with certain issues" half of the two of us but we've got a good communication and bond between us and he's always stuck through my own difficulties. I'd like to help him through his, somehow.
I do promise that if his issues did cause us longterm difficulties, I would put myself first, and I wouldn't let his fetish control my life.
This is an advice thread, not a "be a dick" thread.>>153632
Those things are very concerning, though, anon. I'm glad you're going to put yourself first if things continue to be weird or get worse, but you really should be mindful of these things and ensure that you're getting all that you want out of this relationship as well. Men, aspies are not, are more selfish and seem to think they can get away with more. With your question being whether you should wait it out…I mean it's already been a month out of a short, LDR. Are you willing to continue feeling alone? I wouldn't, personally, but if you do want to continue, you need to be upfront now.
no, I'm not a troll, genuinely, we liked one another when we were friends for a while before we started dating and I can tell you that he makes me incredibly happy, I haven't felt this comfortable with a partner in years and years, you can say what you want about him, if I hadn't mentioned the fetish and just mentioned everything else, you wouldn't be making a snide remark like this, I came to ask how to rekindle the intimacy after an awkward rough patch and I had to give context to said fetish,>>153643
Thank you, I think I'm going to talk to him about it- he's so so supportive and he always wants to discuss if anything is up, maybe I should just be frank and clarify if us flirting less during the rough patch was because it felt wrong and not because he's not into me anymore? He is an all around wonderful person and despite how odd his fetish might be, I've grown to not mind it, and I've enjoyed our kink play. It used to be that, but it became "god, I love you so much, I'm so attracted to you, please dom me in bed" but we haven't been physically together because of the distance and covid it's…agh
You've made the mistake of indulging in the sexually divergent behavior of someone with a developmental disorder.
You are now having a "rough patch" after only a couple of months of long distance dating and you're wondering if there's an intimacy issue.
It's bleak anon.
The rough patch wasn't regarding said fetish or sex stuff- the issue was getting used to communicating over long distance, things have gotten better since talking about this, so I don't see it as bleak.
I've since talked to him about it and he was in the same boat as me, he didn't want to seem insensitive to said recent issues but it was me overthinking it- he still wants to be intimate.
I'm even older than you (25) and in the same boat. When my friends and I turned 18 they all started losing their virginity and told me every detail in order to make me less scared but it just sounded so horrible. They said exactly the same thing as that>many of them considered things such as painful sex and lack of orgasms absolutely normal
and one mentioned that she didn't came for the first 10 or even 20 times they did it but it supposedly was>worth it because of the "emotional connection"
So you just expect me to lay there for god knows how long and let a man do humiliating things to me because I love him and want to make him happy??? That's just insane (and you know exactly that no man would do the same for a woman's pleasure…)
I'm just really worried. After a certain age even nice guys don't understand why you don't want sex, some even think it must be because you were molested/assaulted, it's always expected almost immediately after getting together and those guys my friends were with were also nice, so it's not like you can tell prior who's egoistic in bed (or are all men?)
I just can't imagine myself ever trusting a man enough to do it with him, there's simply so many things that could go wrong or turn out horrible.
penetrative sex is overrated, but still nice, some girls just can't orgasm from it alone (if you wanna nut, find a good position to rub your clit in) if there was no nice physical sensation from being pounded it would be less of a thing tbh. maybe i'm just a sex addict but i enjoy sex with a loving partner 100% of the time even if im too lazy to nut
tldr; sex feel good for most
I doubt you will be like this forever anon, but you have trauma associated with penetrative sex so it's only understandable you will be facing some difficulties. I think it's great you got a toy so you can make progress on your own time. Sorry to get into the weeds here, but are you just going straight to lube/dildo? I would focus on getting yourself turned on first. Watch or read something that makes you feel aroused. Rub your clit and get yourself close to orgasm and then
start using the dildo. You don't have to fully penetrate at first. Use the tip to stimulate your clit, slide it up and down along your vulva and only then start to penetrate. Don't even do a lot at first, just push the tip in and out to tease yourself and go further when/if you feel comfortable. I would also continue stimulating your clit as you use the dildo or take breaks so you continue feeling good rather than just focusing on the penetration alone. You haven't had a single partner properly get you in the mood and help you relax, so take the time needed to find out what you enjoy and work on feeling confident enough to set boundaries for any future partners (not "I'm nervous about this but it's okay if you go ahead" but "If I'm not fully relaxed you will not be having sex with me, period"). I know it can be hard but please take care of yourself. You deserve to be treated much better and I'm sorry you had to endure such painful experiences.
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If fingers hurt your clit I think wand wouldn't be much better, you might have luck with underwear on?
I recently was picking an air-pulse stimulator, and I've read reviews of woman that had no luck with finger stimulation but reached orgasm with such toy for the first time. Also description of the toy claimed something like since it doesn't come in direct contact with your clit, it doesn't irritate and therefore you can have more orgasms in a shorter period of time. The ones I was looking at were called womanizer (more fancy and waterproof) and satisfyer (cheaper, but some people say they're not that different). You might want to get one that has lighter regimes, one of womanizers I was looking at had 21 levels of intensity/pulsating patterns
nothing to contribute but I find that very interesting as I've had only one partner. Never heard about it. When he comes, he either stops for a minute and catches a breath, then continues if he can, or if can't he lays on top of me or something, relaxing. I wouldn't even think men can be "too sensitive" after coming. I thought it's just a case of being still hard enough to go, or not.>>153984
try flexing your legs, because usually they're bend in knees, right? Try to have them more straight. This helped me. Do you feel your bf's tongue on your clit though? Or somewhere too low, to high? Guide him. My bf would do it too low, but before I told him anything he managed to find the clit himself, maybe he did research lol. Don't be too shy to speak up.
thank u - i will try that!!
and yes sometimes he does, and it feels good but then he moves away, usually lower. I'll take ur advice and tell him to stay there when he's on it. He does know where it is though because he pointed it out to me the first time
Well, now you've heard of one.
I just replied according to my own experiences. If they're not common, OP should ignore me and listen to you and others instead.
Ayrt I think I may have last night I'm not sure and I have woken up with my vagina feeling what I can only describe as desperately spicy before but I have never had an orgasm irl so I can't tell for sure if that's what it is or not>>155638
I agree I am not proactive in the exploration of my own body and I feel it may be partially down to
A. Living with my parents
B. Being Catholic and have a weird mindset that solo sex activity is gross and unromantic and dirty
I know what feels good for me etc and I'd rather experiment with my bf if only he would be present with me for more than twice a year.
I'm just wondering if its normal to have never had an orgasm at my age and to not be interested in masturbation.
I've sexted with my partner before and exchanged stuff but I've never gone as far as to masturbate successfully to the point of orgasm I feel like it wouldn't be possible without some sort of device since most of the sexual excitement I experience is based on the presence of a man
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Sorry if this has been asked before, but I have a question for anons here. Is it possible to improve your ability to climax from penetration?
For a long time I figured I just couldn't, until I finally went and bought a vibrator and had…two actual orgasms. Like, it doesn't bother me during PIV sex except for the part where i have to fake it sometimes. A third time i tried to cum again using the vibrator and i got so close but not quite there, its so fucking frustrating. Is this something one can practice???
kek this reads like one of those teen magazine sex questions
Don't worry anon you'll be fine, you can't get pergante that way
sorry, it's because I am a teen (19)
okay, thank you, because I read that sperm lives in wet environments so I panicked
is that so? :(
how high is my risk, should I buy plan b?
She's asking because her bf put his fingers in her mouth after finishing in it and then put those fingers in her vagina, not because she thinks sperm in her stomach will make her pregnant…
I really don't think you have to, anon, but I absolutely understand the fear and paranoia. Been there. Honestly, if it will give you peace of mind, you could take Plan B, but side effects might suck. If at all possible, consider BC if you can so you don't have to keep worrying in the futures. You'll be okay ♥
I've taken plan b after a (probably) low risk activity, for my peace my mind it was worth it.
Talk to someone about getting on birth control or talk to your bf about assessing risks.. before sex. It's never good to be partaking in sex acts first and then only worrying about the risks afterwards.
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I am so frustrated at newgrounds and wetpussygames.com because they absolutely RUINED my sexuality for me. I found them at about 12 or 13 and I literally can only get wet to hentai. doesnt have to be good hentai, some more fucked up things like transformations or monsters get me in the mood even more which is AWFUL.
i feel like a cumbrain scrote, i have a wonderful boyfriend and i just cannot become wet for him. i think if not for the hentai id be a relatively low sex drive normal woman, but now im a low libido hentai slave.
i opened up about it to him and he understands and doesnt particularly mind, since i do love having sex with him and its very pleasurable, just wish i wasnt tearing the area around the enterance slightly every time. no matter how much spit or lube we use eventually it always rubs too dry and i feel stinging pain on the toilet afterwards.
please god just make me feel horny when i imagine men or women making sweet intimate love to me
>>157866 >is it normal to not have any sexual fantasies or fetishes?
I mean the definition of having a fetish is that it's not 'normal' >Fetish, a form of sexual desire in which gratification is linked to an abnormal degree to an object, item of clothing or part of the body
I know alot of people struggle with feelings of shame around their fetishes but why would you ever feel ashamed for NOT having fetishes? You are the norm.
I don't enjoy it so I just don't do it, my last relationship was 3 years long and while that guy was shitty in other ways he at least was respectful of the fact that me saying no meant no and nagging wouldn't change that.
It's pretty disgusting that your husband would think it's okay to keep pushing that boundary. The solution here is him gaining some respect for you, not you finding elaborate ways to make semen taste better
Anon he's disrespecting you everytime he begs you to let him ejaculate in your mouth after the initial no. No is no. Make your boundaries known and tell him not to ask you about it again.
Also: don't reward begging after you've said no. It teaches him he can get you to do anything if he asks and begs hard and long enough and that he doesn't have to respect your No.
I really like the process and the precum, the actual jizz less so but I still find it kinda hot in the moment.
Pineapple juice and I think they have a capsule form are supposed to make it better.
Have a frank discussion with him about it. If it's offputting to him he can always still eat you out in other positions.
Not hemorrhoid related but I only really eat pussy in certain positions because I'm just not a fan of having my nose that close to a butthole, some people are like that
Have any of you dealt with being very shy in bed? I have problems with anxiety and shyness in general. But I'm getting okay and comfortable after "exercising" some things/experiences. With sex, I just stay retarded.
I'm 5 months in a relantioship and I'm still too shy to initiate sex. Like it's either him or we kinda both start it, but I can't do it alone, like start touching him randomly, winding him up. Just recently I tried handjobs, mostly because I was drunk. A big win for me after 5 months, huh. Can't muster up the courage to try oral. I know he wonders what's wrong because some time ago he asked if I'm grossed out by oral, I said no, he said okay, end of conversation. I'm just too autistic to initiate, it's so awkward, thinking about it I grimace and wanna hide. Yesterday he wanted to kiss me and I automatically winced, because it was a normal moment and not a "hot moment". I just shied away.
I'm really bothered by it lately. There's progress but so tiny, so slow.
I need to add that I wasn't sexually molested/assaulted, it's my first relationship, I like the guy and I do find him really attractive so it's not that. It's purely my retardation.
Well you've said it yourself, you're either too retarded or too young and inexperienced. My guess it's the latter.
I used to be very awkward about sex when I was younger, maybe not in a same way as you, but it was cringey as hell. Looking back I think I wasn't mentally ready and even though I loved my then boyfriend I wasn't sexually attracted to him, which I only realized years later. Finding a guy you're literally lusting for is a way to be sure you're not the problem. Aesthetically attractive isn't always the same as sexually attractive. Also keep in mind there's the whole thing with sex in our society and how it's perceived as something shameful you should only be doing behind closed door, while at the same time being painted as the pinnacle of love and the most beautiful thing you can experience with another person. It messes with your head and I don't blame you. And on top of it all, performance anxiety is also a bitch.
Anyways, it really gets a lot better with age and experience. Since you can't magically jump years into your future, maybe try drinking some more if it seemed to help that one time? Just little bit to get into mood and lose some of your inhibitions.
I'm generally pretty switchy, but I feel confused and/or unsatisfied by the descriptions of top/bottom dom/sub I've con across when trying to explain what it is I'm into. I'm a trauma survivor and have sensory processing disorder and am wondering these skews my perception (spd makes it easy to overstimulated me, which impacts how in control or vulnerable I feel). If this topic has been gone over before and I missed it, I'm happy to click through to the right post.
Basically, I feel most confident, comfortable, and in control when I am not the one directly receiving pleasure, regardless if I am more, like, architecturally on top or bottom. To be vulgar, I can be lying on my belly with my partner in my ass and be like Bitch I Own You and my partner would be like Oh my god you do. Conversely, if the focus of pleasure is on me, I feel much more out of control. If done properly, these can both be very fun and pleasurable.
But people often describe topping or domming as being in control and receiving pleasure focus, with sub situations being more service oriented with less control. I'm just confused as to how to best describe these dynamics in relationship to what I enjoy. Can anyone offer a little clarity?
Sexuality doesn't have to perfectly fit into pre-existing boxes. The pleasure of dominance comes from having someone's trust and being in control: Whether that involves you receiving physical pleasure or not is up to you.
>I can be lying on my belly with my partner in my ass and be like Bitch I Own You
This is just topping from the bottom, you don't have to literally be on top of someone to be the dominant partner. Rather than having someone "service you," maybe it's more about them having to deny themselves pleasure, endure verbal degradation/pain (if they're comfortable with it), letting you use their body on your terms, or something else.
So all in all, I would still just say you're a switch.
Took Pristiq for about a year before it shat out and stopped working and it gave me such awful brain zaps for a few weeks coming off of it that I swore off ADs forever
. I had a great sex drive on it but found it damn near impossible to have an orgasm.
Ask your doctor for a new medication, the addition of generic wellbutrin, or supplements known to quell sexual side effects.
>>158696 >how the fuck do i learn how to be good at them by myself at home?
I would just wait til you're next with a guy. Ask him to lead you along and tell you what to do. It's honestly such a turn on to have a partner be like "tell me what you like, show me what works for you" No need to practice in advance.
It's nice to feel like your partner is catering to your personal tastes so no guy will exactly mind having to lead you a little.
different anon, but>on the other side of that is me getting thoroughly fucked, which I DO like
That's interesting for me. Do you not finish him, then? Because I'm always reluctant to touch man's dick: 1. I touch his dick, he comes and then he's all tired and dead and half-hard at best, 2. I stop so he doesn't come, but then he comes super fast during penetration and bam, all dead and sleepy.
It's like they don't deserve good things.
I wasn't telling you what to do. I was pointing out to inexperienced anons reading these advice threads that if you still arent feeling a certain act after getting experience with it you can just be honest and turn it down too.
There's always posts about anons not liking blow jobs/anal play but just doing them anyway.. pops up all the time so ut can't be said enough.
Oral (both ways) is usually foreplay for us, so he does finish, but it's PiV. I can't stomach a load in my mouth, so if it is just a straight up bj, when he's going to come, I usually switch over to my hand last second or let him take over so he can come on me.
Dudes that come too quickly are usually too caught up in their own head, in my experience. "oh no this chick is too hot" "oh no my dick is actually in a vagina" "oh no we made eye contact during this bj" It's something they have to get over on their own, it just sucks that you have to waste your time on it!
Can you think of anything traumatic that happened to you? Maybe nothing happened but being tearful is a strong reaction
I think alot of us start out with the same humping habit but usually graduate to our hands by our late teens. I remember not knowing what I was doing and it taking a while to figure out what worked. That and I had similar (not so much emotional) but squeamish feelings about touching my bare genitals. Rubbing yourself through clothing can slowly work you up to bare hands. Or you can get a toy and use that if hands-on is too much.
I think for alot of us there's shame that stops us from enjoying it from the get go. It takes time to build a relationship with our own body. Toys helped me alot.
at the time I was sorta being groomed by an 18-year-old but I don't think that was what caused it. I'm unsure about rubbing my gentiales, even through my clothes, because it feels purposeless, I doubt I'm gonna feel particularly good doing it, so I feel like I shouldn't bother
but I guess I should just do it anyway to get over this damn thing but idk how tf I'm supposed to do it. I tried once but it didn't feel good at all,in fact, it sorta hurt
>>159427 >my current boyfriend tastes completely neutral
Damn, I've been around the block and never experienced this.
Can uh, can I have him when you're done with him? lol
I bypass taste by deepthroating. No regrets.
I like >>159441
's idea though, if he refused to do this for me, I think I may deny my moid the pleasure of cumming in my mouth.
I don't know which is worse, deepthroating or tasting cum. I really can't stand either.
But if you're good with it then cool life hack lol
>>159525 >I can't seem to convince him >I dread sex sometimes because it's going to be a fucking long ordeal every time
Why isn't he listening to you??
I've had sessions where I declare that I'm done. A handful of times my guy was taking forever to cum so I said I want to stop and I laid next to him and watched him jerk it. He had me there to watch him so that was enough. When it stops being fun you get off the ride.
It has to be mentally damaging to force it or to feel like you can't say stop, don't underestimate the knock on effect that can cause down the line for you. If he's not taking your feedback into consideration and if sex carries on for an hour longer than you actually truly wanted it…you're entering into bad territory there. A gray area where it's dodgy for guys to conveniently ignore what we're telling them.
Thank you for replying to my vent, anon. I've certainly done the same, both with him and other partners, but it's just that it's every time. I want him to finish with me, ya know? Maybe putting it to him like that will help, I'm not sure if I have.. I've both hinted and blatantly said that I don't want extremely long sex, both during and out of the bedroom. You're right, though, it is exhausting and taxing mentally. The sex is great and I love him, but it's just overwhelming, and that takes away from what could be good.
I really appreciate the reply and helping me realize that it's not just annoying, but an important thing for him to listen to. Dumb as that sounds, kek.
Normies tend to freak out over the terms cnc or rape fantasy. I admit they can be easily misconstrued and don't fully capture the intent, so I'd keep it generic. Assuming you want to be the "forced" partner, just tell him you think it would be hot to have rough sex where you push back a bit and he'll have to wrestle and pin you down as you fuck. These actions are okay, these aren't, and if you say [safe word] then you just have normal sex or stop.
He'll probably have some follow-up questions if he's a considerate partner, so be patient and talk it out with him. Emphasize that you're into it precisely because you know you actually are safe with him, and it's more about being "ravished," feeling his strength and desire for you than literally being attacked.
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Keep trying different positions, it can be tricky to figure out what works best. I used to hear a lot of women say to squat in a sort of frog position (lol) over the guy and that was immensely uncomfortable and tiring for me. I lean forward and put my hands on his chest or above his shoulders for normal cowgirl, between his legs or on his shins for reverse. You can just twerk your ass up and down that way rather than having to be stick straight and using your thighs to raise your whole body. It's comfy to completely put my chest against his in that position too.
It sounds like you have smaller hips so just being on him is painful though? Rather than putting one of your legs up, can you have him spread or bend his leg so your body weight is supported by the cushy bed instead of his body? Kinda like pic rel. (Spoilering I guess but it's just a drawing not real people.)
I don't agree with >>159739
, I think what you're experiencing is actually the opposite of that which is that you yourself have feelings of shame over sex. It can happen regardless of whether you were raised to believe that or not. Why do you feel like it's embarrassing to show pleasure? Are you insecure with your looks or sharing a vulnerable part of yourself with your partner? Whatever it is, you'll need to reframe the way you think about sex and that it's not shameful or wrong to express the way you're feeling when you're having it. This is something I encourage you to discuss with your partner and perhaps also in therapy if the issue persists.
Even before I got to the paragraph where you wrote about porn, I suspected porn. You've only given it up for 3 months after years of damage, it's going to take a long time to reprogram your brain
I will say that fantasizing about having a phallus to penetrate with can just be a kink and that's fine, or else straps wouldn't even exist, but needing to visualise it every time to cum sounds disordered. Maybe you just aren't into being passive during PIV sex, and things like getting on top whilst receiving oral might work better?
People just have different tastes and different limits.
I know men who won't eat pussy, I know women who hate blow jobs. Find a partner that matches up with your tastes and don't worry about how strangers have sex.
If his fetish requires you to take risks with your intimate health (and only you, men don't have to stress this stuff) then maybe it's not all that reasonable to expect to take that risk.
If you can enjoy normal sex without having to worry about all sorts of aftereffects I would try and steer him away from even asking you to do this stuff
Also find it odd that you're the one who's put up with the task to find safe fluids for his
There's no pressure to do it at all. I'm happy to do it. I think partners should be willing to experiment with each other. We have regular vanilla sex all the time. The messy sex is not something we do frequently at all. It's really kind of a rare treat for him. Before tonight, the last time we did it was like 5 years ago. It's not like a fetish where it's mandatory in order for him to get off, it's just a kink.
Setup and cleanup are the most inconvenient part of it, but everything else is fine. I want to let him do it, but I want to do it safely. It's honestly kind of fun.
We're a team, and you're right, I don't think he knows enough about vaginal health to find it alone. He's offered plenty of input and told me as much as he knows. He was the one who found the stuff we used tonight actually.. It's really not about the "fairness" here for me. I'm past that.
We've not had any mishaps yet, luckily.
I did a bit of rimming when I was younger and I look back in absolute horror now, how my tastes changed over the years lol
Maybe it's aging and feeling less invincible but I'm more concerned about hygiene and risks now. Back then I was fine as long as it was post-shower but now… not a chance
We HAVE done this though. I said before, he was the one who brought up the bentonite clay we used yesterday, and we read about it together. There's just not a ton of information out there on shit that's safe to go inside your coochie. That's why I'm here. I was hoping someone more knowledgeable about this particular kink might happen to see my post.
We've been together for 11 years, and we communicate great. There's literally 0 concern about the ethics/fairness/whatever everyone in here seems to have a problem with.
>>160232 >There's literally 0 concern about the ethics/fairness/whatever everyone in here seems to have a problem with
All I see is people addressing the health risk, like it upsetting the balance down there and him needing to be aware of what's safe too…That's just common sense anon. How are you getting this defensive?
> everyone in here seems to have a problem
Sorry, I did get a bit defensive. I was just getting frustrated by how many replies wanted to talk about him figuring this stuff out all by himself.
If you look back at the replies, a lot of them want to talk about that, when it's not what I asked at all.
>>160368>but I can never cum without touching my clit
so what? There's no clit orgasm, fingering orgasm, piv orgasm - it's all just an orgasm; if touching the clit works for you, great. Try mixing it up
Personally, I like fingering myself on the "upper wall" and then going for the clit, it's like I'm stimulating clit from the inside. The orgasm is powerful then
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I have 2 questions since I'm a virgin and was just wondering this the other day
1. when you have sex with someone do you have the lights on or off? or maybe dim light?
2. does it change depending on if you're in a relationship compared to a hook up/ons (if you have those)
No-one can answer that but you yourself, anon. Touch yourself in ways that feel pleasurable. It doesn't matter if you "only" touch your clit; that's what most women get their sexual pleasure from. It's your body, play with it like you want to, not like you THINK you should want to.
The clit is the only organ on the human body solely evolved for giving pleasure. It'd be a bit strange if you didn't enjoy touching it. Ring that bell all you want, anon!
Sorry for the basic bitch advice anon, but it’s because it’s almost always the right answer: communicate. Use your words and tell your boyfriend that it feels rote and depersonalizing to always have sex doggy style. Tell him you will
be having sex in missionary or cowgirl or whatever other face to face position you enjoy, tell him to slow the fuck down and look into your eyes, engage in more foreplay, tell him to give you compliments and say he loves you during. Take control and be explicit about what you want. If he starts getting overly excitable then say nope, this isn’t what we discussed, we do it your way all the time and we do it my way more often or you’re not getting any.
>>160579 >I don’t even want to have sex with him anymore knowing how he feels afterwards. I still let him, but the whole time I just think
Doing this is going to give you so many issues that you'll carry into your future relationships too. Step one here is not to 'just let him have sex' and know you're going to be upset throughout it and afterwards. That's emotionally scarring yourself.
Take sex off the table til you talk these issues out. If you can't open up and deal with these issues then you have no business having sex with each other
Dump him, anon.
Huge red flag right here. He does have a libido, he just trained his monkey brain to get aroused to porn rather than the real thing. Sorry to break it to you, but he's not worth being with you.
Pretty sure most men feel an ego boost after sex, maybe he's conflating some men being ashamed after they cum jacking off to porn for feeling like a loser or looking at something fucked up with actually having sex to pretend that's normal.
If it's any consolation that kind of reaction is never about the partner, especially when accompanied with the "it's normal" denialism which implies he knows it's about himself and expects it with any partner, and is usually about him being raised religious, being molested as a kid or having some demented fetish he can't stop thinking about. Probably time for therapy for him and you.
There's this "post-nut clarity" meme but it's mostly about porn or how men behave when horny. It's not normal to feel ashamed after sex, don't believe this shit.
I actually really like the after sex moments with my bf, especially when we can fall asleep together, holding each other. So I really feel for you, you must feel very alone and disconnected. You need to talk with him about it asap. As an anon said, you're doing yourself damage by sleeping with him when you feel like this. You need to tell him he hurt you and that he needs to explain this shame to you so you can work on it together, if not - you can't have sex with him. If he refuses to be honest or change, you should go away. It's for your sake, you really don't want that experience, we scar very easily when it comes to fucked up intimacy.
"All men do XYZ!!!" is something men (yes. all. men.) do to weasel out of responsibility, be it washing their fucking hands after going to the loo or mistreating their partners. Go carefully, anon.
>Why even have sex with me if he feels so ashamed?
You said it yourself. He's gone out and said that he feels shame about fucking you - that's a value judgement on his part about you. It might be repressed issues on his part, but it's not your job to resolve, and you are not his therapist. He can take his ass to therapy and try and fix himself, but it is not your job to become his ever-understanding Mommy Therapist Nanny, or to start changing yourself to "meet his needs because he has a hard time".
You can tell him to get help, nicely, but that is where your responsibility ends, OK? Don't set yourself on fire to keep him warm because he's fucked up and needy - it will mess up your own body image and confidence for years to come. It's not about you, and don't let him make it about you.
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How quickly can you get noticeable (to your partner) improvement from doing crazy amounts of kegels? Especially in overall muscle tone or tightness, I already do them during intercourse, though I could probably improve my game in that respect too. Ahh give me your best tips, my bf is away until mid January and I miss him and really want to blow his mind when he comes back ggghh
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What the hell folks, it's not some long distance coomer I'm pining for, this guy is just away for a couple of months to finish a dissertation. I know most guys are what they are but there are a few wholesome ones in the mix, it's totally worth it to put in reciprocal effort to make someone happier even with random things.>>160866
Ahhh thanks, that's what I feared. He just started SSRIs which reduce sensation a bit, not drastically but it would be nice to compensate for the side effects.
You can squeeze your kegel muscles all day but if you haven't got an existing issue with them then you won't be achieving anything.
You can't expect yourself to compensate for the issues on his end, if it gets bad that's something he needs to discuss with the doc prescribing him his meds.
I've attended some workshops with a physioterapist and basically it's pretty much what >>160866
said, kind of a meme, especially when done by yourself for the sake of guy's pleasure as you have very good chance of messing yourself up long term. Sure your bf will enjoy it a lot but then you may end up having hard time manually controlling the urge to piss (same muscles) and you'll end up pissing yourself in your sleep or something; not worth for the dick. As with any exercise without a professional help you have a solid chance of doing more bad than good. Especially with "crazy amount" of it.
Thing is.. when sex is good our vaginas expand in response, it's in our design and it's a sign that you're doing something right. Things don't feel as tight towards the end of your session.. that's normal sex. It means you're thoroughly aroused and any man with a grasp of that should enjoy the feedback your body is giving him.
I honestly think some scrotes out there are either self conscious because that makes them feel small or they're aware that they need a death grip to get off… and surprise it gets turned around and perfecty normal young childless women are fretting about doing their kegel exercises. In this case the guy is on SSRIs… not exactly a womans job to have a vagina that can somehow cancel out the side effects of any medication the man takes. Like ffs why do we take on problems that aren't ours lol
You said you go on top sometimes so I fail to see whats wrong with laying back and just enjoying how it feels without worrying about performance. Take turns and it's a non issue.>i dont want to be one of those girls
Where are you reading this shit?
not really looking for advice, just want to vent… (I think the next thread should be called "Sex talk" instead of advice, because why only advice? It's the only active sex thread)
My boyfriend said, in the context of a guy in the show we were watching cumming very quickly, that that's why sex with strangers is more pleasurable. Because it lasts longer, because you're not that attracted to a person. He explained that most of it is in your head, so if you really like someone you orgasm faster. I shoved him away and jokingly said okay, from now on you'll only have sex with strangers then, but honestly his remark made me sour for the rest of the evening. Men are so tactless. I know in his little male brain he thinks he's complimenting me (ooh I'm so attracted to you I come fast) but for me it sounded fucking tone deaf in regards to my feelings to say sex with strangers is so cool. Ugh.
Digression, but I also hate that it's a thing for men, while we usually need deeper intimacy and emotional closeness to be comfortable and satisfied. Wish I could orgasm from air like men do.
>>161224 > sex with strangers is more pleasurable. Because it lasts longer, because you're not that attracted to a person
I went through my sleeping around phase years ago and I felt like the excitement of fucking a brand new person made men cum too quick. I have memories of chatting and passing the time to give them time to be ready for a round two, because round one was nothing.
So what he's saying isn't common (if he's even being honest) Attraction takes a split second, without wanting to do the whole 'men are the visual sex' meme… well they are lol. Anyone with the right body type for them can have them attracted within one second of meeting. Is he admitting to you that he's met some unattractive women for sex and just gone through with it anyway?
>>161231>Is he admitting to you that he's met some unattractive women for sex and just gone through with it anyway?
lol maybe that's it. Maybe he just slept around with whoever's willing. Or, like >>161233
says, it's a long-winded excuse. He is a bit insecure about it lately, I feel like even though we're months together he's still very in his head, very excited and can't pace himself. Not always, but often. He's a giving person in sex so it's not a big bother (for now).
From what I understood of it, he meant that a big part of attraction is emotional thus you're more aroused and excited with the person you actually like/love. With someone you don't know, you're not attracted to them as a person, only physically, so you can last longer.
He said it like it's a fact but your, anons, insight made me realize it's his personal opinion/feelings and it's not as universal as he imagines lol. >>161228>Did he actually use the words "more pleasurable"? And not just comment on him being able to last longer in that context?
yes, that's why I took offense… I can't even imagine saying something like this and not worrying I didn't just hurt someone. Fucking scrotes indeed.
I think many women are like that. Oral doesn't give me much, it's hot for a little while but it doesn't make me orgasm.
The only way I'm able to cum with my partner inside me is simple: Sex toys.
I'm constantly surprised to hear that other women enjoy penetration. My best orgasms are either from oral or a vibrator while PIV is always uncomfortable at best. I can't fathom actually enjoying it.
Not trying to be snarky or anything, it's more like I'm jelly kek.
I like penetration, but it really depends on mood and my cycle. PIV can be extremely hot, but it can also be the biggest bore. My partner doesn't take it personally when I ask him to just finish though, so I don't have to pretend. It's almost never painful though, when it is I ask him to stop.
With PIV I really like the connection, even when it's not 100% I just feel super close to my partner.
However, I can only cum from it under specific circumstances while I can get myself off in like 30 seconds flat lol
Yes, I can only come from rubbing my clit. I also like penetration, I just work on my clit when I feel worked up enough. I think orgasm from clit-rubbing when he's inside is way more intense than sole masturbation. It's like, the clit gets stimulated from the inside too (which unfortunately isn't enough alone). Try positions that allow you to have a hand between your legs, my fav is sex from the side.
For oral, I have no advice, it also gives me nothing besides a nice feeling and a little power trip. Try telling your bf to do the clit rubbing for you. Or use your hitachi for you. I think oral is overrated in general.
It seems like you have a healthy and curious approach to sex and your own sexuality so although I can't tell you how to do it, I'm sure you will find a way eventually.
I know it can be disheartening but it's such a personal journey, please don't try to compare yourself to anybody else.
You could try tantric/meditative masturbation, focusing on your breathing and touch only. If you can keep the same curious but unhurried mentality I'm sure you'll find out something interesting about your sexual responses, even if you don't orgasm. >fairytale soulmates
It's not that he's special, but the way you felt about him was special and intense, so that probably did something.
Personally, the book Come As You Are really enlightened me as to how female sexuality works in theory and practice, i recommend it to everyone.
File: 1606416455061.jpg (37.14 KB, 600x490, coital-alignment-technique-pic…)
Google Coital Alignment.
I think if anything we're taught to put on a vocal performance so men seem weirdly quiet in comparison to us.
I live alone and masturbate silently, orgasm silently, go nuts with a dildo and maybe make a sound from that. But for me moaning is mostly put on for sake of giving good feedback. Would be nice to have the feedback mirrored back I guess.
right. The consensus in sexuology is that women unofortunately have to learn
to have orgasms. Mostly we just discover what works without really putting our mind into it but some need to spend time exploring themselves. It's an effort
I remember I had to really frustrate the hell out of myself desperately trying to achieve my first orgasm. Months of getting close and laying there in a sweat all defeated… I eventually bought a vibe hoping it'd be a shortcut and it was but then I slowly trained myself by hand next. Not the nicest word for it but yeah realistically it was.. Work.
Trying to achieve an orgasm from oral was the same. I was honest with my partner that it'd take effort and concentration from us both lol. If I hadn't laid it out to him so honestly I feel I would've had no chance of getting there. I didn't fake things, I had a guy with stamina wanting to put effort in and we had some loong sessions before the magic moment came. Effort, work and training, not romantic words but they sum up the route to all my first times. It gets way easier after that
tbh I don't even think that's necessarily true. I didn't have to learn jack shit when we installed a detachable showerhead lmao, it just automatically works and I'm sure sex toys are similar.
Using fingers takes a fair bit of time and effort but that's just because it's physically kinda difficult to do, like your arm might start hurting or your vag dries up a bit and you just stop because it's more effort than it's worth. I've always thought half the problem with women not being able to give themselves orgasms and men not being able to give us one is literally just getting bored and stopping too soon, not that what they're doing wouldn't eventually work.
Nta but while Hitachi wands and shower heads are a cool way to skip the effort it's still nice to know you can get off manually.
I remember a point where if my vibrator died mid-session that was my hope of an orgasm gone til I had charged it back up for a couple hours lol. Too many moments like that made me want to retrain myself to get off without toys too. I don't want to need them every time.
I have told him before that it makes me really sad when he doesn’t finish. He just said he was sorry and he doesn’t know why he can’t finish sometimes. It always takes him a really long time to finish. He told me he likes edging himself. He told me he can only cum once a day and can’t get an erection again after finishing.
Him taking so long to finish makes me feel so insecure too. It makes me wonder if he’s even attracted to me. Like if he actually liked me or was attracted to me I wouldn’t be having the issues I am having now. >>161534
He’s not tho. When I told him it hurt he stopped. I just care more about his pleasure than I care about mine, but neither of us are receiving pleasure so I don’t understand the point.
>>161549>When I told him it hurt be stopped
Anon, if someone gives a fuck they can tell when the person they're being intimate with is not into it.
Don't let this scrote scar you mentally because he thinks sex is like porn. You deserve better.
anons are right to call this out as a rape. Anon, I read it before going to sleep and it made me so uneasy I decided I will leave replying to others, as I was sure someone too will feel outraged and asnwer. I couldn't fall asleep, my heart was acting weird. And I'm a stranger reading your post.
I'm not even sad for you, I'm angry, mostly about how deep in you are to not realize how fucked up that situation is. You probably won't listen to anyone here anyway so I hope someone irl will help you
>>161549>He’s not tho. When I told him it hurt he stopped.
Is he really not though? You say you had to tell him to stop (putting his dick in you) but then he fingers you for less than a minute before putting his dick in you AGAIN, while you're CRYING. Basically he conveniently made it so you didn't teeeechnically said no verbally when he put his dick in for the second time but there clear reluctance.
Here's some advice:
1. Say no when you don't want to have sex.
2. Get a better boyfriend who doesn't rape you (or if you don't agree he's a rapist, get a boyfriend who doesn't fuck you while you're crying).
Your boyfriend raped you, end of story.
>>161280>My partner doesn't take it personally when I ask him to just finish though, so I don't have to pretend. It's almost never painful though, when it is I ask him to stop.
Wtf how regularly are you letting this man just masturbate into your body as you grit your teeth and watch the clock? Just because you don't "have" to pretend to come doesn't make it right.
You don't have to do this. Stop traumatising your body.
This website makes me so depressed what the fuck
I think you might've misunderstood me. I'm talking about the times I'm horny but when he puts it in it's kind of meh, which happens sometimes in my cycle. I still enjoy the emotional connection and I like him cuming inside me, but when it's not amazing physically I don't need him to delay his orgasm to get larger gratification for myself. Would never have sex I'd have to grit my teeth through wtf
idk I may not be great with words, but I'm not traumatising my body or whatever.
Anon, I'm sorry, but you're in denial.
You don't have to verbalize everything to make it clear to someone that you're uncomfortable or in pain.
Moreover, you were fucking CRYING. A caring partner doesn't only want to avoid hurting you, he wants you to enjoy yourself. So even if you didn't cry but just lay there expressionless and quiet, a normal partner would be worried that something's wrong and wouldn't proceed with fucking you.
You choose to endure it because he does make you feel guilty for your sex life or not only that somehow. Get out of this relationship and seek therapy.
Yeah, as >>161856
said, we're not the same anon. The only time I've cried from sex with my partner is when I was overcome with emotion about how great he is lol
>>162094>how do I get over my hangups about sex?
by having it.
are you a bit older maybe? I lost my virginity in my twenties, I'm a late bloomer and I still am awkward about sex but I enjoy it and need it now. I think it unfortunately happens, I mean the anxiety, awkwardness and reluctance, due to not doint it when you're stupid and reckless in your youth. I kinda regret being reasonable and shy. But it is how it is.
You don't really know much of a sexual being you are until you do it, I believe. We're not men - I think we can be sexually dormant and okay. But you won't truly know, so just try it and see. You don't have to keep having it if you won't like it.
Yeah, I've been getting closer to a guy, and while I would not call him my boyfriend yet, he is the first person I'd consider having sex with. I already told him I've never been in a relationship before and that it's probably going to be difficult because I'm a very solitary person, at least he seemed understanding, so we'll see how it goes. Last month he invited me to spend the night at his place and I freaked out, then the second lockdown happened and I couldn't help being relieved lol.>>162151
I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one who feels like this. I'm indeed at this age where it's considered really embarrassing to still be a virgin, which I really don't care about, I've always been annoyed by all these expectations that you're supposed to sleep around when you're young, so I don't regret anything (I was so fucking depressed in college anyway, hooking up would have been a disaster). I'll think I'll eventually try to have sex, but due to my schizoid and autistic tendencies I'm not sure I'll enjoy it very much kek.>>162174The real tragedy is that I'll probably never be as attracted to real people as I am to anime husbandos and waifus, kill me…
Virginity is basically a patriarchal societal construct and becomes incoherent when you consider that lesbians and gay people exist.
So feel free to consider yourself a virgin or not, literally whatever you want.
oh thanks for reminding me of CAT, wanted to try it too.
I don't know how okay with drugs you are, but after weed cookies I'm crazily sensitive and so is my boyfriend, so maybe that's a universal thing? After alcohol I'm numb like a stone, after smoking I'm just tired and lazy but edibles? Not to be cringy but I felt like screaming with every thrust
If you are ok with oil-based lubes and weed, you can gently heat some hash in whatever oil you like and use that. Tuck it under your clit, internally, muscle rub, eat it, whatever. You get a nice body high and specifically it feels like your pussy is high, it's very good. Use nice hash though.
If you get some CBD drops to use under your tongue I don't see why you couldn't use that on your clit/pussy too, it's a mucus membrane.
My boyfriend is INSANELY sensitive (and giggly) when he smokes, moreso than me, so I mostly use those opportunities to play with/tease him lmao.
I definitely want to try sex on edibles again (last time we took too much and did absolutely nothing). It did feel more body-intensive than I'm used to from smoking.>>162350
I might try the hash in the future! We only have access to "regular" weed now. We don't use condoms so the oil shouldn't be a problem (just wanted to mention that condoms and oil don't mix for anyone reading) - I was thinking of buying sweet almond oil for massages anyway.