Well my trauma stems from how my mom treated me and raised me (and the way it shows up looks very similar like on OP's pic >>4157
) but I feel it also projected on my choice of love.
I used to be quite lovesick and when I would meet a guy that was attractive to me and also clicked with my personality and interests, I would fall in love fast.
But these scrotes (all two of them that I dated lol) turned out to be abusive
and in way that reflected my own mother's abuse. Making me feel inadequate through various actions such as - small comments of comparing me to more attractive women, going hot and cold and withholding attention for no apparent reason (not answering text messages), gradually more criticism because I was not reflecting their flavor of the month, annoyed with me if I needed a bit more that day and then showering me with attention when I would shut down.
Anyway I went to a therapist and started processing all of that. As I was processing issues with my mother, my whole perception of myself and the world started shifting, I realized I didn't want to be in relationship for some time. As I was about to break it off, I found out he was cheating anyway so I guess the whole process was quicker. (He tried to reel me in back but by that time I was completely in a different mindset and I could see it for what it was).
And that was my last relationship which happened 3 years ago. In the meantime I stopped being lovesick and I am put off by the thought of getting back to dating world.
I feel like I am rebuilding my own life brick by brick and there is 0 energy to try and start something with someone. Maybe because both my experiences were bad, maybe because what I hear from friends and acquaintances relationships it is equally as bad or even worse.
As long as I have good platonic relationships with people around me, I'm fine.