/g/ - girl talk

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all the lesbian spaces that rightfully don’t tolerate troon shit become conservative. they refuse to concede that lesbians do have a culture (it varies from different regions but it is a real thing). they basically hate anything that isn’t two femmes of the same age. and god forbid if either one uses a strap.

>>584316
Agreed its super frustrating

Do any of you have TMJ and have tips for eating a woman out? I am worried I won't be able to do it for long without my jaw hurting. But maybe there is a technique I am just not aware of? Should I pop an ibuprofen first?

>>584316
I've been thinking about this as a friend of mine has started somewhat peaking recently. She keeps asking me if I know where she can find a place online that's actual lesbian only but isn't bogged down in 24/7 gendie hate or otherwise shifting to conservatism and I can't think of a single one. Every place I know that doesn't tolerate gender bullshit ends up being full of the most miserable women on earth who use whatever place they've found as a dumping ground for all their anger or sadness. I wish it wasn't the case.

Vacationing rn in a small city in Mexico and yesterday I saw 4 lesbian couples when I was on a walk and it surprised me they were all femmes and thin (and so many lesbians in such a short amount of time too!). If it had been my shitty town they would have been fatsos for sure. The most obese country in the world has less obese lesbians than the US. Why. I also miss my trip to Italy because I saw cute thin lesbians there as well (as expected because Europe). I hate that lesbians around me are usually fat or obese.

>>584611
It's not a lesbian thing, everyone is fat.

>>584611
The lesbians around you are usually fat and obese because the people around you are fat and obese.

/r/butchlesbians is so depressing.

>>584722
why, whats wrong? i don't use reddit.

how do you guys date? i'm new to dating and have been keeping it to casual dating and hookups, but i want a deeper connection and it seems so hard to find other lesbians who share my values. it feels like everyone is either a gendie, TRA, or fakebian. is it my area? are lesbians like us really not the norm, or are we just forced to keep our beliefs hush hush? where are you guys finding lesbian spaces that don't cater to troons off the internet?

>>584766
Encouraging GNC women to mutilate themselves, fat worship, sexual trauma obvious from every post, etc

>>584773
I'm so confused about the wedding photo one. Is her wife a little person (genuinely). And fuck these stupid dysphoric drawings, the anime girl in them isn't even butch. Where the fuck can we go.

I miss my wife

>>584768
What you wanna do is to date people who 1. Have a job 2. Work or study towards a money-making field.
The more focused on the material, the less likely people are to be into any of the pathological empathy stuff. I've met some cool women in economics, engineering, sales and stuff like that, though I wasn't looking for serious dating. Avoid academia, social work or anything adjacent. They will tend to be quite apolitical, which you may see as a plus. But take into account that they likely have little to non lesbian/bisexual "identity" so to say.

Now you tell me, how do you get hookups? kek

Has anyone else resigned themselves to the very likely possibility of being a kissless hugless virgin for life and never knowing the touch of a woman? I live in a pretty conservative area, my family & most people I know are old-school religiously homophobic, and if anyone found out that I was into women I feel like my life would fall apart and I would have nothing. It would be a complete disaster. I’m too afraid to ever do anything close to flirting or showing romantic interest in a woman, let alone getting into a relationship, because I’ve done a mental cost-benefit analysis and have decided that the possible repercussions are too high. Also, I don’t know if I would even be able to get a woman who I’m attracted to. I’m not ugly, but I’m not that hot either, I’m pretty average looking, solid 5/10. Most women are heterosexual, so I have a reduced dating pool because of that. Not to mention I’m socially awkward, have no game, cant make eye contact, & don’t know anything about sex. The risk of embarrassment or inadequacy during sex w/ a woman, which would result in her losing all respect for me, is another reason to not try to find a relationship.
In summary, the risks:
>getting outed
>public embarrassment after being rejected
>failing at sex
>relationship drama/possibility of toxic relationship
>inability to deal with someone else’s emotional needs
do not outweigh the possible rewards:
>sexual pleasure
>emotional fulfillment & connection w/ another person
Anyway, despite all of that stuff, I focus on a lot of other things in life (academics, hobbies, my fledgling career, etc.) and I have goals I want to achieve and hopes and plans for the future. I don’t have a large social circle, but I have good relationships with the few people I’m close with. So overall I feel pretty good about my life. It’s just that being with a woman is not part of my expectations for life, and I’ve mostly made peace with that. Most of the time, I don’t think about it at all because I have other stuff going on. I feel worse about it when I obsess over it and make it a big deal when it’s really not. A real life relationship might not live up to my fantasies and expectations of what I want anyway. I’d rather have nothing than a disappointment

>>584773
>sexual trauma obvious from every post
Are you talking about the post on the top right? I don't really see anything wrong with it besides maybe giving off spicy straight "I'm so cool boys I like boobies like you do". Boobs can be a pain in the ass with sweating, back pain etc.

>>584836
It’s literally tagged with “dysphoria”

>>584836
She's saying
>Nooo it's not that I hate boobs!! So don't remove them, ladies, you're so sexy!! Ahaa.
>But due to sexual abuse and harassment inflicted upon me by a certain sex leading me to think my body is the problem and not the subhumans who acted like sex pests, I do want to remove mine.
>Tagged Dysphoria
>941 upvotes

>>584825
Oh, please. Awkward average looking women have been fucking each other and falling in love for thousands of years. You are not a uniquely unsexy lesbian, sorry.

>The risk of embarrassment or inadequacy during sex w/ a woman, which would result in her losing all respect for me,
What even is this mindset. If you met a woman and had sex with her, and she didn't know what to do because she's a virgin, Would you lose all respect for her? You need to get out of your head and go join a pickleball team or something.

>>584773
What happened to butches who like deadlifting or just exercise in general? Butches with arms that can choke you out are just peak. Like I don't mind a thicker girl but there's a difference between thick and morbidly obese.

>>584825
>I’d rather have nothing than a disappointment
And yet you are here seeking validation that you've made the right choice. Just stop. Go and make a lot of friends because you'll need non-homophobic ones for when you come out and settle down.

>>584825
Anon you sound fragile as fuck. I also haven't dated or slept with anyone but I don't sit around and make excuses for it. There just wasn't anyone who caught my eye and I put it on the back burner but I know full well even if it is scary I am putting myself out there. You honestly almost sound like a gay version of those incels especially "I'd rather have nothing than a disappointment" like wtf? We all are gonna be disappointed in some way that is just fucking life. I sympathize but if you think any of us are gonna support your pity party bs than fuck no. You don't wanna date fine thats on you, but your laundry list of reasons are flimsy at best. No girl worth her salt isn't gonna lose all respect over something like a lack of experience jfc

Finally found a lesbian who shares a lot of interests with me, is funny, cute, and smart… But she said she's in love with me. We met a month ago and only had two dates. How can I ever reach her point of interest when she's already talking about settling down and I don't even know her too much. She's on her early 30s too, not a teenager (and was even married for years).
Is it better to break it off before I hurt her or allow myself to know her more? I've never been so out of sync with a woman before. I've always matched my exes when it came to this, being casual with someone casual and being crazy in love with someone crazy in love. Whenever I talk about this with someone they just go "haha u-haul lesbians" but I think it's so out of place for her to be so decided about me.

>>584913
Sounds like lovebombing. Even if she’s not intentionally being manipulative she’s at least very emotionally immature and codependent. Tbh the healthiest thing for you to do is to cut her out of your life. I doubt she’d take a breakup well enough to just be friends. I’ve seen and experienced this scenario too many times. Just remove her from your life. You’ve only known her a month and she could get weird. She’s already proving she is.

>>584913
Initially I was thinking just have a talk with her about how you're feelings aren't meshing and she's moving way too fast for you but then I thought about it more and it feels really creepy to be that invested after 2 dates like wtf. U-haul lesbian shit is just jokes anyone pulling that shit in real life is having a bigger personal problem they need to deal with. Block her and pretend if you see her out in the wild.

>>584913
You should try communicating your exact worries! "we're really compatible, but I'm a little scared by hearing "love" this early. I feel like we're out of sync. Can we take this more slowly? It's important to me not to rush things, and honestly a dealbreaker. I'd want to end things before I hurt you if you need things to go this fast" like best case scenario is that she understands completely and agrees and you get exactly what you want. and you sound so reasonable that I think there is a really good chance this happens. medium case scenario is that you hurt her feelings but reach some kind of compromise. worst case scenario is that you break up, which is something you want to do already, so it isn't that bad of a worst case scenario. try talking!

>>584919
>>584922
Thank you, I've been considering this because it really feels like now I should match her interest or cut it before it gets weird for both of us. Which is sad because in my head all the normal steps of getting to know someone would be wonderful with her but that's just my imagination. The worst thing is that I actually did what >>584924 said on the second date because it was already feeling too forward for me. It was a serious conversation about boundaries and going too fast, even too serious for a second date kek in which I was sure we compromised and she understood, because we hooked up and it was fun and friendly. But after that day I started receiving the most loving and basically commited messages (and even some jealousy). I'm glad you three gave me serious advice instead of repeating that lesbians are always too fast because that always makes me feel pressured to not date normally and wait for love to come around first.

how do i stop letting homophobia get to me?

Anyone struggling with separation anxiety from their gfs?
Mine travels a lot between work and family/friend trips (about half the month) and we live together. I've been really struggling with this, even though I fill my time alone with friends and hobbies I still feel like shit every time. She knows about it, nothing to be done because it's her work and her family lives abroad and she used to travel even more before I came into the picture. We know it won't be like this forever, and obviously I'm not gonna leave her, so how do I cope in the meantime?

I'm getting married in 3 weeks. My mom has said to me that she will never be happy for me and she regrets the day I was born. It really hurts to not have her support and I've been crying for weeks and my fiancé is getting upset too that I'm not able to put it aside and enjoy our run up to our wedding. We will probably have less than 18 people show up between us, and I think I sorta feel ashamed about it and wish we eloped, but we've already spend 8k.

>>584598
i take breaks by kissing her thighs or going slower

>>584972
I know it's hard when it's your own mom but her opinions are worthless, let her seethe in her own misery all she wants and be happy with your soon to be wife nona. I hope you have a great wedding

>>584972
(I'm about to go to bed so this may be all over the place)

My sister and her wife had the same amount at their wedding including me, the dance floor was so empty I gathered the children (on her wife's side of the family) and taught them how to dance kpop moves kek (and because the DJ had only a selection of licensed music I couldn't request any kpop, so we were all dancing to Britney and Abba and Baby Shark) my sister and I are not close but I think she was grateful for that kek.

Rejection from family is rough, my dad and both sets of grandparents have all established they won't be coming to my future wedding either. It's schizo behaviour, for context mine kept bringing up how they felt disgusted or disappointed. One would even ask me to do a job for her, and then hold money in one hand while telling me "I don't believe two women can be a family! And should not be allowed to have children!" She knew I was struggling with money after cutting off support and yet had the audacity to behave like that, I was naive enough to think her hiring me was her way of reconciling but then would bait and switch and act homophobic. She would attempt do this sort of thing often in my teens and early 20s, in general my grandparents made themselves very hateable and I no longer speak to them of course. One grandpa even offered a lot of money to my mum for him to stay in her flat (that I was also living in) so he could avoid hotel prices, but then he went and attempted to hit me during an argument so she called it off. Homophobic people are not emotionally balanced and have warped social standards.

It will be endlessly frustration if they decide to keep in contact and act like nothing happened (my dad tries this despite being aware of how my grandma acted), or they very well may die alone and stuck in their ways (2 grandparents already have, and we did not exchange words on their death beds or anything), even my friend abroad's mother is behaving self righteously homophobic and now none of her kids will speak to her, and despite being siblings they all struggle to speak to one another because all they know is pain. (My friend has a long-term girlfriend and her brother is gay, unsure about her sister)

Which is why it's actually good that you're able to put words to your feelings. This experience you are going through is currently very highly emotionally charged, but doesn't mean it will be this way forever, nor is it the be all end all for you because you now have the world together with your wife. You have these opportunities to build new relationships and not end up like my friend's siblings who feel disconnected from one another.

Even during the times where you feel like an injured animal licking its own wounds, I'd suggest angrily writing down your feelings or making voice-recordings on your phone of yourself crying or yelling your frustrations out (which I have found quite effective). You want to aim for a balance of activities to distract you, and letting out your feelings when appropriate. You may become hypersensitive and on edge at the slightest thing anyone says, but be aware that is just the unregulated adrenaline and you don't want to be misdirecting your rage onto unsuspecting people. Any time I felt overwhelmed with people I excused myself to a toilet and then ranted in my notes app or voice recorder. These little things kept me sane. At the time I was also dealing with a course and was scared I wasn't going to graduate.

Things turned out well. I believe they will turn out well for you too. I hope your wedding is full of love and you have a wonderful life nonna. Sending you hugs.

>>584984
Thank you for staying up to type that nonny. Your words are really helpful to me and I decided to screenshot and save them. I think you're spot on with the unregulated adrenaline. I've even thought about getting some meds for that.

>>584976
Thank you, she is very miserable indeed and it seems she was happiest when I was single, lonely and depressed but living in her house with her.

>>584825
Yeah. I have decided that I can be part of my family as the chill single aunty. Sounds cowardly but I would rather maintain a connection to family who care about me at the cost of being part of the lesbian community. There are no guarantees of love if I start dating so I would potentially alienate my family with not much to show for it if I came out.

>>584929
Glad we could help. I hope it works out for you and things go smoothly. Lesbians are just as capable of having normal, happy romances as straight people. It can just be a little harder to find other lesbians. The crazies and the noncommittal types tend to be the loudest lesbians.

Will I ever get over ex best friend? I made the mistake of looking at our pictures on my phone and I'm devastated all over again, two years after things fell apart. I dated someone for a few months a year ago, but it didn't go anywhere and I never felt feelings for her as deep I did from my bestie. I tell myself we would have never gone anywhere, that our friendship was doomed from the start, but I still think about her all the time. Sorry, I'm high and rambling, I just need someone to tell me that she's had the same experience with a 'romantic friendship' but was able to move on and find love again after.

>>584885
It is Reddit, so that could be skewing the likelihood of seeing butch women who are interested in taking care of their bodies and strength training. Public lesbian spaces being virtually extinct these days doesn't help either. No explicitly lesbo community events centered around sports, dance, theatre or anything physical means these women are likely just unaware of how wonderful it is to be in touch with your body. They haven't found, or considered, any opportunities where they'd feel comfortable exploring such things.

>>585008
Reading this you sound easily controllable because you'd do anything to belong. Like even if you did decide to join "the lesbian community" I can picture you getting taken in by some gendies and being made to date a transbian to prove yourself or something. Because in general your post reads "I don't have a backbone! I don't have a backbone!" Your family have clearly raised a great daughter who sacrifices her own happiness to suit their own needs.

>>584780
God damn, she was so hot

>>584913
Break it off, she should know better. If she actually loved you she would prioritize your emotions over her own. I could go on forever and every line is just worse and worse, this is the best case scenario and it is still break up worthy.

>>585088
You’re comparing apples and oranges here.
Caring what my family think of me is not the same as seeking validation from strangers.

>>585008
do your family actually care about you if they've already made it known they'd abandon you if you came out tho?

>>584773
This shit is so depressing. I think butch women are the hottest thing on the planet, but every single one I encounter in my area troons out in the end

>>585091
need a wife like sally so bad.

>>584611
latin american women are and always will be leagues above women from u.s. women, cope harder amerifatty.
>>585166
not to be rude and i'm sorry about your situation but what did you come here looking for? validation? you're advocating for a miserable and anti-lesbian life for yourself. all i can say is i hope you start putting you first, it's sad to live the 21st century like women don't have lives outside of their families. it sounds like you're a conservative/have been indoctrinated by conservative ideology

This breakup is hurting me so badly, she's all I can think about. I'm inconsolable, I don't know what to do.

>>584316
Yep. Going full on with armchair autism but based on my personal experience it's because the places that don't tolerate gendershit attract polilez trad-leaning women who are either hurt by the worst trad-leaning men (be it their dads, brothers, other men in their lives) and/or have severe mommy issues (which warps their relationship with other women) and want a safe space where they can lick their wounds, but can't leave their conservative mindset at the door. So they get grossed out by butches existing because ewww they're visibly degenerate dykes, but also have a retarded one-sided rivalry with other lesbians. Like the age-old question about dildos and straps, according to them you're not a real lesbian if you enjoy penetration despite vaginas literally being built with nerve endings to be stimulated. Just useless bickering over things that shouldn't matter and co-signing the troon gender mentality despite apparently hating it so much, but in the end them being "gendercrit" is often fueled by homophobia rather than the desire to remove gender roles altogether.

>>585263
I don’t think she sounded angry that they were thin, just annoyed that the US has so many fat fucks.

>>585284
This is still assuming the women cultivating these conditions are exclusively not real lesbians, which would be ideal, but isn't the reality. Many of the women engaging in this dumb shit and dragging everyone down with their misery and rage are actual lesbians.

>>585305
AYRT and I didn't mean to say they weren't lesbians except the exclusive use of polilez, sorry, that was bad communication on my part. Anyway, it's bleak that we never seem to have a chill lesbian space but instead either miserable bitches with rage issues and the only topics revolve around celebrity crushes (Who over the age of 16 gives a fuck?) and complaining.

>>585284
Same anon. This bitch had me blocked too so I could suffer in dignity then reeled me back in only to be a fucking coward to commitment. Fuck dating I will never again

Question for butch or slightly masculine nonnas: I’m into more butch leaning women and am very feminine, but my Dad is a tattoo artist and has always said he’d give me tattoos for free if I wanted and suddenly want a sleeve or something a bit edgy idk if that’s cringe but yeah I wanna look cooler. I just worry the type of woman I’m attracted to isn’t typically into girls with tattoos? I know it’s not that black and white but in general what are your thoughts, anyone here into feminine girls with Japanese dragon sleeves etc? Or am I gonna fuck up my chances when I meet the perfect butch?

>>585614
First of all, don’t live your life according to the imagined disgust of people you haven’t even met yet. Secondly I’ve never met a lesbian who didn’t like or have tattoos kek

>>585614
To me it's more about what the tattoos are portraying rather than the tattoos themselves. If they're shitty, tacky looking tattoos of embarrassing things, then yeah they'll look bad too. But if they're cool and well-done, I doubt anyone will have an actual problem.

>>585614
I've always thought they were especially cool on femmes. Sometimes they can be a bit of a subversion of expectations on really cute femmes too, which I find attractive. I don't think you should think about this in terms of being a potential dealbreaker though. There are all sorts of women out there who will like every part of you.

>>585614
100% depends on what the tattoo actually is. If it's Hello Kitty holding a knife done in chicken scratch, it’s a turn-off. It probably sounds generic, but I like floral tattoos on femmes.

>>585618
>>585620
>>585621
>>585701
Thank you so much for the advice. You are right it shouldn’t factor into my decision I defo overthink it, but glad to know a good quality tattoo is generally appreciated!

I noticed I brush off straight women who want to be friends if I find them emotionally attractive. I feel awkward for thinking of them in that way.

Going on my second date tonight with this beautiful femme I met on tinder.
We really vibed our first date, but I've never dated a femme before. I’m not butch but I don’t shave or wear makeup not to mention I'm also a virgin.
It’s probably stupid but I’m worried that she’s way out of my league and soon she’s going to find that out and move on.

>>586280
Confidence is key nonna. Don’t start doubting yourself.