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No. 296902

Please keep posts focused on women and female homosexuality! If you want to talk about attraction toward males it probably belongs in the bisexuality thread or questioning thread (check the catalog, they're usually not on the front page but I promise they exist!). Please ignore obvious bihet/troon/tradthot/fujo/etc rage bait as well. Remember that when we take the bait and infight the trannies win! If you suspect a poster is XY pls report and ignore instead of shitting up the entire thread with accusations. Newfags pls lurk and read the site rules before posting, and be careful to stay safe and anonymous (use a VPN, incognito mode, be wary of external links/discords, and be very cautious about the personal details you include in your posts).

Topics of discussion may include but are not limited to:
>first crush?
>what’s your local lesbian scene like?
>cute stories about your gf
>favourite lesbian media? lesbian media you hate?
>coming out stories
>are there any cows you’d uhaul with?
>bitch about being lonely
>tips for coping with being lonely
>butch? femme? how do you feel about labels?
>top? bottom? how do you feel about those labels?
>what's your type?
>when did you know you were gay?
>f/f fanfic and book recs (pls)
>which lesbian stereotypes do you fit? which ones don’t fit you at all?
>what were you like as a kid? tomboy? girly girl who made her Barbies kiss?
>what do you wanna be like as an old lady lesbian?
>get mushy and describe your dream relationship/date/etc
>best date/match? worst?
>how homophobic are your family/friends? is it woke homophobia or oldschool homophobia?
>dating app horror stories
>everything we hate about every other online lesbian community
>lesbian friends, role models, or family members you appreciate
>lesbian history, literature, and politics

previous threads:
#1- >>>/g/132141
#2- >>>/g/174105
#3- >>>/g/200981
#4- >>>/g/247377
#5- >>>/g/273508

No. 296915

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Just posting about a good time I had.
I went to a Halloween themed lesbian night at a local bar last Saturday. It was what I needed after being ghosted by a girl I was trying to date. I danced with a few other girls and even madeout a bit. I'm sure I looked like a trashy mess but I don't care.

No. 296955

>lesbian night
>local bar
Where tf do you live im so jealous! If having fun is trashy i want to be trashy like you nonnie haha

No. 297001

I'm a mega frigid prude I know that about myself already. But I always wondered how people can make out with strangers and their immediate thought not being omg does this person have herpes? Am I going to get it? If they so easily made out with me does that mean they've made out with many others? How do people not think about that? No shaming just always wondered. I'm also a worrier.

No. 297030

I live along the eastern shore of USA. A lot of the larger cities have a pretty vibrant lgbt night life. Though, in my town there are only two lesbian club events, and they're held monthly too.

No. 297034

I'm really jealous too. I just went to bed early and did fuckall for Halloween, but last year I went to a 'queer' Halloween party. Travelled pretty far for it too, but all I could find were spicy straights and saw the cool cute Brokeback mountain costume butch4butches running away in the background. At least I got free dinner and red velvet cake.

No. 297036

I think about this too and I honestly do think its gross but there's no shame in other people doing it just not for me. There are some people that I know who actually did catch something from making out randomly with strangers in clubs and it has heavily impacten my thoughts on it too. It's really sad that some people know they have something and they don't care.

No. 297040

There is nothing prudish about being wary of the gross habits/behaviors of others in fact its the smartest thing to avoid casual sexual encounters

No. 297070

>Brokeback mountain costume butch4butches
Ugh I so wanted to be a cowboy this year but I was too busy to do Halloween at all.

You're not really frigid for that tbh. I don't kiss randoms either, for the same reasons. People like to risk infections and then compare it to car crash probabilities or whatever herpes statistics to justify their choice. I'm good, I'd rather not carry a bug.

No. 297254

I honestly feel like nowadays bringing up anything exclusive to lesbianism outside of this thread on Lolcow attracts a ton of homophobes to attack you and it's really depressing. I used to enjoy the farms for years and it's what originally peaked me because it was such a female-centric place open to alternative ways of being a woman but now it literally gets you branded as a NLOG or even a pickme because those words have lost all meaning. Love you nonnas ITT though, especially the martial artist anons who have great insight on being a butch and sound hot.

No. 297256

I noticed a rise recently and it is concerning. I think lesbian society and culture is so fascinating and not often spoken about. It's sad that it's so secretive but in a way I like that because I can discover other people's experiences.

No. 297321

I'm the opposite of a prude and I feel the same. I'm not one of those "I only want to have sex with my soulmate" types but despite having a casual attitude to relationships, sex with strangers sounds dangerous. STDs, hygiene, and whatnot aside, what if she secretly brought a man along (something that has happened to a friend of mine)? Or whatever else that can go wrong?

Not to mention, when I was super desperate and tried to seek out hookups despite my body saying "no", I only got attention from men despite stating I'm a lesbian. Ugh.

No. 297539

Not sure about some of the other boards but /ot/ has been overrun with homophobechans for a while. I get hating moids but some of the things they say about gay men are simply homophobic and it's not surprising they feel a similar way about lesbians

No. 297588

I feel like it's most prevalent in the celebricow thread which makes sense considering people there are often stans trying to shittalk the celeb rivals of their fav. Anything goes in the Stan Wars, they'll resort to any insult they can to smear the enemy. Like sometimes a female celebrity with a controversial or mildly unusual look will get some lukewarm praise and they have to think of something quick so they go SHUT UP LEZZIE SHE WON'T FUCK YOU.

No. 297600

Some of the threads I follow have anons that actually keep looking for reasons to not-so-subtly shit on lesbians. The smallest mention of a lesbian experience, some insecure straight anon decides you must be a bisexual in denial thinking she's lesbian only because you think it makes them special. And whenever it escalates into a fight the person defending the lesbian gets accused of instigating it. I'm not kidding, I see this happen all over the place and I wonder if it's just a handful of spergy anons or a bigger sitewide problem. The homophobia definitely did not exist at this scale a few years ago and mods were much faster to ban people trying to bait with it.

Kek I've never been able to read the celebricow threads because of this. Years ago I called Adriana Grande cute either in there or some adjacent thread and some stan was doing this exact "SHE WON'T FUCK YOU SHUT UP" thing in less than a minute.

No. 297999

Any advice for how to approach someone older? She already knows I'm really into her and I don't want to come off way too pathetically eager than I think I already am. I'm a zoomer she's a millennial and she said she likes older women too so idk how tf I'm supposed to compete if she finds a Gen Xer help pls

No. 298005

If she knows you like her and she's not reciprocating, then don't approach her. You can't make her love you. You're not even her type. Just take the rejection and move on.

No. 298029

im a lesbian and im androhomophobic to make up a new term kek
when i say i hate moids i mean i hate moids ESPECIALLY those who are fucking eachother. nothing more scrotal than that it makes me sick. but at least there is one form of male that leaves women alone to a degree although there is a class of them that likes to larp as women deluding themselves into thinking they're somehow equal, sometimes even "better" because ummm i will never get pregnant or have periods EWWW haha !!!! inb4 NotAllFags idgaf. maybe i'm biased because i've been bullied by two gay moids in the past. like they were truly the nastiest people ever i can't understand why everyone thought male homosexual = okay but female homosexual = scandalous deserving of harrassment even beyond those two but they outed me. like wtf doesnt make sense at all. it should be the other way around like fucking eachother up the ass is alright but things having to do with vaginas aint and is nastier than the former? the fuck
i dont care if i say something homophobic towards males, i mean it. i know im a dirty dyke and a stereotypically manhating one at that and i'll own it. just because we're lumped into a community and share a similar trait does not mean i will ever feel bad for them much less join them. besides, i'm a thirdie so it's not like there's any lgbt work done around these parts so i have no one to be grateful for even if i had to.

No. 298045

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No. 298080

Any other lesbians not like dogs? Every woman I date has dogs and it's impossible to do anything spontaneous because of them. I want to conversion therapy myself into being a dog person.

No. 298085

I love animals but I will be honest I love cats more. But yes, most lesbians I know love dogs and have lots of dogs. I don't know why.

No. 298088

I wouldn't want a dog again, though I do love them. Just a cat or a mini cow for me, one day.

No. 298089

I love other people's dogs but don't want my own because they're too high maintenance. I'm a cat lady though, I feel like you can find dog-free lesbians but fully pet-free is extremely difficult.

No. 298091

We've been through this before but I'd much, much rather take some pathetic gay incel talking about how I smell like fish because gay chad didn't fuck him than a straight male pushing himself on me and becoming violent. I've been thrown under the bus by straight women, bisexual women, gay men, even by other lesbians, but only straight men have actually been a serious threat to my wellbeing and only heterosexuals in general have been outright hateful towards me because of my sexuality. I honestly think the people who have this extreme hate for gay men in particular yet give straight men a pass are either really young or have barely interacted with men to begin with outside of their high school kweer lunch group.

No. 298099

weird for me I've seen more lesbians with cats but cats are more popular with women in general I think

I'm more of a lizard lesbian

No. 298101

Seriously, I can't believe this is still a debate considering the obvious threat straight moids are to us.

I like all animals including dogs but I would absolutely hate to own one and would not date someone who has one. Ime lesbians are usually cat people, they certainly are in my city.

No. 298111


nona please, if the straightdens aka "gay trans men" get a whiff of that term it'll become their new go-to to claim oppression from.

No. 298339

Based. Lesbians have been the foundation of the LGBT community, we've even advocated for them but they have done nothing for us and would gladly throw us and our "disgusting slits" under the bus any time.

No. 298346

where are you finding all these dog-loving lesbians? i've had the opposite problem. seems like every lesbian i meet is 100% a cat person and like half of them actively dislike dogs. i like cats well enough, but i'm stupid obsessed with my giant dog and honestly my biggest deal breaker would be a girl not liking him lmao i know it's retarded but i can't help it he's my baby my light my life

No. 298350

I love cats but I also love big dogs! I feel they're protective. For some reason I get along well with cats very well since we have a similar temperament but for dogs I usually get them very interested in me. I think most lesbians in the big city I live in mostly have multiple dogs not just one. I see the lesbians who have cats are on the media lol.

No. 298374

I have a confession. I haven't had sex in 5 years and I was feeling so lonely last night that I looked up butch lesbian porn on pornhub and there was only like three videos the rest was someone with a T-clit. I wasn't trying to get off I just wanted to see some amateur love making that I'm missing out on. And it made me cry haha. I'm only getting older it sucks. I want to be loved by a hot tomboy who also has a lot on common with me and a great personality lol.

No. 298392

For nonnies who are sexually experienced: how bad of an idea is settling to hook up with (not date) bicurious/"bihet" women (that don't have a boyfriend or are looking for a threesome, obviously)?

I feel like crap for being so inexperienced, especially when I wasted my teens-20s to being in school and working shitty jobs, I never got to explore my sexuality since I was forcibly outed in high school so I tried to go "nuh uh, I'm asexual, I don't like anyone" and forced myself to be celibate to prove them wrong. Now I left higher education and my last shitty job and am pushing 30 and want to date since I have a casual and noncommittal attitude to relationships, but all the lesbians around want to settle down (even though late 20s-early 30s isn't even "old", all my straight friends are still having fun and being casual and saving marriage for later). I can't move to a different state or city yet and I really don't feel comfortable dating a younger woman (maybe 25+, but not 18/19 or early 20s).

The only women who don't want to adopt kids with their soulmates are the bicurious types, and while the idea of just being used for a quick orgasm for a "socially straight" woman makes me feel like shit, I don't have other options. Am I better off just having sex with them when I'm horny/desperate to get the insecurity over being a virgin out of my system and wait for a decent lesbian or even febfem to date later?

No. 298405

Getting really tired of how lesbophobic this website can be and I'm not even allowed to complain about it without someone jumping down my throat and saying how I'm being misogynistic towards straight women or something

Didn't know where else to post this sorry

No. 298407

I'm not much for hooking up but I feel like it might make you feel like shit afterwards nona. If you feel like it wouldn't tho and you just want to have sex that's entirely up to you.

The thing with being a virgin though is you don't yet know what you're comfortable with until you're in that position… So I guess you could always try and remember you have the right to say no at any point. For me personally I have trouble hooking up with someone I barely know or am into but if this is not the case for you than ignore me. Sorry this is a non committal answer I feel like this is a tricky situation and entirely dependant on you.

No. 298411

>especially the martial artist anons who have great insight on being a butch
Hey, that's me! I don't think I'm hot but my wife is helping me work on my self-esteem issues. I've lost count of the amount of times I've went to post on /ot/ about a homophobic encounter or something that's been bugging me related to my sexuality or butchness and I just delete what I typed up and never post it. This is the one website left on the internet where I actually post and have conversations with people and it sucks that I have to second guess myself all the time so I don't get called a dirty dyke, a misogynist, or an NLOG for being butch. My wife and I are trying for a baby at the moment and I have SO much anxiety and general angst relating to that but I dare not post on any of the apprpriate threads for it here on /g/ because of both the stigma of being a lesbian and the stigma of not being the mother who will carry our child. It's depressing, to be honest. I can post in here, but I think I'm one of the oldest regular posters and obviously I'm in a very different stage of life so it's still quite isolating. That's not to say I'm not grateful for you ladies in here though, because you're ultimately what keeps me coming back to this lesbophobic cesspit as "lesbian" communities on other corners of the internet are… well, you know.

I know how you feel, nona. In the past I've just vented here to insulate myself from this bullshit. Honestly, I find it very ironic how bi and straight women will screech at you and call you names because they automatically assume you're a huge misogynist and dislike them while giving you very justified reasons to dislike them, kek. Zero self-awareness.

No. 298417

The other day there was a huge autistic meltdown in /ot/ of anons just complaining about lesbians literally conspiring to turn all straight women into lesbians by "looking down on them for being male-attracted". The most ridiculous shit I've seen yet, I thought the website had been getting more homophobic by the minute but that really was a major mask off moment. I want to cope that it's men going undercover but having met so many straight women like that IRL I know scrotes can't foot the bill for demented bigotry and close mindedness every time.

I'm sorry nona, you can vent here at least. I don't know how old you are but I'm in my mid 30's so I'm guessing I'm on the older side of the userbase at least. This thread is probably the first time in my life I've gotten to talk to other butches albeit anonymously so it's been inspiring to hear your and others' stories and experiences.

No. 298432

Like the other anon said, I am sorry but you might feel like shit especially because you are unexperienced. Ask yourself if you're just sexually frustrated get yourself a toy or just masterbate. Dealing with those physical feelings is easier than the pain you'll feel after you'll feel used, or you'll realize it wasn't what you wanted, or if you get a future partner you're actually interested in. I know right now you might not feel that way but no one is certain on what the future holds. You mentioned threesomes in your post, would you really be ok with that? Even if your straight friends are having 'fun' is it really fun? If you really do have a non-committal and casual attitude to relationships then dating apps would be good for you. Good luck, there are also speed dating in bigger areas.

No. 298433

I shake my head whenever I read posts like that. I didn't know if it was just me thinking that way but I noticed it a few weeks ago. You're male attracted, like so what? I'm a lesbian, why would I care. Nobody makes a big deal of you liking males irl.

No. 298445

AYRT, yeah, I'm not a hookup person either but in the last thread I talked with other nonnies how the scene is either cottagecore types who want to get married or queer polycules who use each other like vibrators and no in-between. So I guess I could settle with the experimenters before finding someone I want to date, even though I have no luck in gay spaces.

Masturbating doesn't replicate being touched by or interacting with someone, and it doing stuff by myself doesn't do much for me anyway. And I do use dating apps, but my OP detailed that most lesbians my age want to settle down which I'm not compatible with. I also said I don't want threesome stuff, I hate getting liked by het couples, but the straight people I know get to have more "varied" dating styles than marriage VS hookups.

No. 298450

I am so scared I’ll be alone for the rest of my life. Currently a senior in college and I fear I’ve lost out on my best chance to meet people, given there’s such a high concentration of women my age around here. I’ve been on a number of dates over the years, some a few more dates past the first, but I’ve never really clicked with anyone. I’m worried that I’ve completely exhausted my dating pool in my town but if I expand the search radius I just get a ton of married bi “poly” women who are bored I guess or lesbians who have like, real full time jobs and lives of their own (or just can’t drive, which is a huge turn off). I’ve tried tinder and bumble, and I think any “queer” dating app would probably be a waste of time since I’m not willing to play along with theythems. I know I’m only 22 and it’s not the end of the world, but I fear that it will be so much harder to meet people in the next year or so.

No. 298453

I definitely feel like there has been a weird shift recently I don't remember this much hostility towards lesbians a couple years back but maybe I'm misremembering.

It's crazy because all I'll complain about is how alienating this website can be with how male focused it is and then I'll have someone jump at me like I'm personally trying to persecute straight women and fujos who want to talk about their men… Like I literally do not care it would just be nice to see the same energy towards women

No. 298486

honestly it's like this everywhere tbh anon, sorry to say. I'm in a pretty big city and it's the same. I would say avoid dating apps and try to find groups you can connect with women based on interests. There's no guarantee those women will be bi or lesbian but I think I've had better lucking with women joining groups like that.

No. 298515

>The other day there was a huge autistic meltdown in /ot/ of anons just complaining about lesbians literally conspiring to turn all straight women into lesbians by "looking down on them for being male-attracted".
Jesus Christ on a bicycle. It's officially not a tinfoil anymore: this place is DEFINITELY getting more lesbophobic. Wish I thought so highly of myself as they did, tbh. Like c'mon now, if we were gonna "turn" straight women do they really think it would be homophobic /ot/ lurkers? I find it weird how there also seems to be this belief that lolcow is "full" of dirty lezzies, have they not seen the amount of fucking husbando threads here? The Driverfags? The Danofags? LC is overwhelmingly straight yet the moment someone says they don't find a certain man to be attractive or make a statement about men being shitty it's "SHUT UP FAT DYKE!!!" even though those comments almost always end up being from straight women being honest about their experiences with men or daring to not like a certain husbando. I've also noticed an uptick in femcels lately, and I know a lot of people don't like that term, but y'know, if the shoe fits. Of course they're not as bad as their male counterparts and that's not what I'm implying as that's a pointless argument; the one thing men excel in is being worse than women in almost every conceivable way. But it's certainly a trend that is noticable here, whatever you may call these posters. Plenty of times now I've seen an anon post something cute that her Nigel said or did and immediately she's pounced on with "he's gonna leave you", "he's just doing that for sex", "he's cheating on you", etc. Some even admit to being celibate like it's some epic own on a seemingly happy woman in a relationship. Personally I think the rise in this attitude and the lesbophobia is linked, both type of posters are extremely bitter and terminally online. I think they need to, as the kids say, "touch grass". Or failing that touch an electric fucking fence because goddamn this place is in the shitter.
>I don't know how old you are but I'm in my mid 30's so I'm guessing I'm on the older side of the userbase at least.
Oh, sweet! I'm 32 next month so it's good to know there's others in my age group here.

No. 298517

nta I can believe that a couple polilez ended up here, because I got dogpiled about a week ago for shitting on them with "What do you have against women not dating men?!", when obviously the problem with polilez is that they call themselves lesbian while usually being straight or bi, have weird mental gymnastics and puritan tendencies. Then when others complain about the polilez, they just screech about the evil lesbians and "fat dykes", when the polilez anons are obviously not even actual lesbians. So it's double dose homophobia.

No. 298518

>LC is overwhelmingly straight yet the moment someone says they don't find a certain man to be attractive or make a statement about men being shitty it's "SHUT UP FAT DYKE!!!" even though those comments almost always end up being from straight women being honest about their experiences with men or daring to not like a certain husbando.
this is so insanely true. two times I've commented on someones husbando looking like a foot and the resulting husbandofags would sperg and dump images of men, resulting in another moid thirst thread in the end. its like their self esteem depends on other women being attracted to their emotional support moid or something

No. 298520

AYRT, that's a good point. I forgot to mention the polilez problem as I like to forget they exist, kek. Definitely a few of them lurking here, I remember seeing one (I think it was in /ot/?) adamantly insist she's a lesbian simply for not dating men - as if the attraction is just a little footnote of no importance. I've also been pounced on in here for being "scrotey". Read: talking about physical acts of love beyond hand holding. A bunch of other anons defended me but the polilez really dug her heels in; it's like they're allergic to admitting fault. Ironically these posters are the first to defend the "zomg girls are just so pretty? I just?? omg I can't I just alhfdsljshf" brand of transbian that try their luck in this thread from time to time because if you dare talk about your sexuality in the manner of an adult you're a moid, a coomer, or maybe both! Insulting parodies of lesbians and a weird fixation on calling grown women "girls" is a-ok but talking about s*x is bad and makes you scrote-brained. If it wasn't so depressing that these are the type of women we have to share our thread with I'd laugh.

Yeah it's really fucking odd. Like personally I tend to like older women and extremely masculine women and naturally not many others share my taste but I can't imagine ever giving a single, solitary fuck about it. Different strokes for different fokls. It's so bizzare to attack someone for it, let alone band together and post pictures of said moid. It's not even imageboard culture at that point, it's plain ol' retardation.

No. 298521

I hate the way they derail every thread, they're just like /pol/ shills. They find a way to talk about their moid obsession in every random situation even though they have several containment threads for likeminded anons. It's not enough that they get a dedicated space to enjoy whatever they're into, they need everyone to participate in it.

No. 298537

>because if you dare talk about your sexuality in the manner of an adult you're a moid, a coomer, or maybe both! Insulting parodies of lesbians and a weird fixation on calling grown women "girls" is a-ok but talking about s*x is bad and makes you scrote-brained
DA but this is a big reason why I keep expressing my sexuality or sexual interests to myself now. I can't describe physical traits on women I find attractive or a relatively vanilla fantasy on an anonymous imageboard without getting accused of being a moid/TIM. Or a coomer, even though porn has always grossed me out with the exception of some well-done artwork. I've always felt like an outsider in any community, but any "female focused" community is always inevitably full of homophobic straight girls. I've had half my posts on the "secret" board of CC deleted and called a moid, meanwhile straight/bi girls can coom over porn-y shit like their husbandos getting abused, gangbangs, size queen, Nazi cosplay, etc. I admit I have weird tastes since I grew up a nerdy kid and a lot of my childhood crushes were on weird stuff, but sometimes I wish I was purely asexual. I've had friends think I was asexual or solely "romantically interested" in women since I never talk about this stuff.

No. 298561

NTA but what are some hobby/interest groups that attract lesbians? A lot of my hobbies tend to be filled with moids and I stopped going since I got tired of being hit on.

No. 298572

AYRT, I know how you feel. Over the past couple of years I've really came out of my shell sexually speaking thanks to a very paitent wife and rethinking why I had an aversion to certain acts (the answer is internalised misogyny, naturally) but I'm sure as shit not talking about it because it's not worth the headache. The posters in here who ask for advice about sex are braver than any marine for running the risk of pissing off the polilez horde, kek.

No. 298577

AYRT I honestly feel like the "way" my sexuality is why I'm still single. I find hardcore fetish shit like BDSM creepy/gross but whenever I'm around other SSA women I tend to like different things than they do visually or sexually, it kind of tied into my gender confusion growing up because I thought I was "a girl with the sexuality of a boy". If I was butch or could cover up my female traits easier, I would've tried to be a "straight trans-man" the moment I turned 18 and I heavily considered doing it. I also have a lot of aversion to a lot of acts and have boundaries involving my body, I've had women express interest in doing certain things with me and I would shut down. I dunno, it sucks.

No. 298580

I believed that I was 'asexual' until I fell in love with my ex and suddenly it was a switch was turned on. I think I find a lot of pleasure of pleasing another woman and only find sex comfortable and stimulating and happy. I used to try to imagine myself in situations with men and it felt gross and dumb. But with women it feels completely different. I would like my partner in a committed relationship to explore everything with me and id try it at least once with them, but this freedom I couldn't even fathom when imagining myself with a man. I always felt sex repulsed but thinking of giving myself to completely to another woman or future wife makes me feel very free spirited. I don't feel ashamed anymore to explore my sexual side or being sexual. Yay for finding out who I am. I a lesbian.

No. 298582

AYRT I don't relate, but that's good for you. I'm still struggling to find someone I can try things out with. I've never considered myself straight, and "asexual" never felt right either (even when I was a libfem I thought the subcategories like "demisexual" was snowflake nonsense). I've never fallen in love though, my ideal relationship is just a close FWB right now, maybe if I had a dating pool I might find someone I feel that way towards, but I have no luck on apps.

No. 298588

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How do you deal with het women who just have to spread their brainworms with you? Acting like period blood is literal aids (my mother literally tried to ban me from washing my reusable pads in the washer lol). Always commenting on apperance (your body hair is nasty even if you wear long clothes, why don't you wear makeup or buy pretty clothes). Acting like not thinking about or doing something for a man 24/7 is some serious mental illness. I feel like I am dealing with cult members. Even many lesbians still hate their body or center men.

No. 298591

AYRT and from a very young age I felt like a "girl with a boy brain" (turns out I'm just an autist, how shocking!). Ever since I was a toddler I was into traditionally male things, I hated girls clothing with a passion, and being raised in a religious middle eastern shithole I naturally rebelled against my gendered expectations. I also wanted to be a """straight""" trans man. Kinda still do, if I'm being 100% honest. Even now I'm married there's still that self-hating voice in my head telling me to pull the trigger and troon out. Doesn't help that I get read as male a lot anyway and when I don't I usually get dirty looks and homophobic comments. Naturally my approach to sex was impacted by that and dating bisexual women fucked me up big time. Seriously, dysphoric gnc women should NEVER sleep with bisexual pillow princesses. They will treat you likse a pseudo man and it'll do some real mental damage. Dating my wife who loves my masculinity BECAUSE I'm a woman, and not in spite of it has completely changed my life. My confidence has rose in and out of the bedroom. I speak with more faith in what I'm saying, I take more chances in both work and my personal life, I dress in the flashy suits I used to dream of wearing, I work out every single day and bodybuild, I cut my hair how I like, hell, I even let my PCOS stubble grow out when I don't have to leave the house. I can look in the mirror now and see a handsome butch who's got her shit together, not the "failed woman" I used to perceive myself as. The world might not like hyper masculine women like me, but the most important person in my life does and that's a real lifesaver. In fact there are more butch appreciators out there that what we might think, not bihets looking for an easy lay, but actual lesbians who think we're hot. It's so easy to lose yourself and pigeonhole yourself both in personality and in sexual ways but there are people out there who acknowledge the whole spectrum of our humanity. The trouble is finding them and being brave enough to discuss such things. I'm ESL and stoopid so I'm sorry if this is fragmented and doesn't make much sense.

No. 298593

AYRT, yeah, that's half-relatable. I'm autistic but not sure if I qualify as dysphoric (I've talked to some people who say I do, but others disagree, but personally I think dysphoria/dysmorphia is usually semantics) since I only feel that way about certain body parts due to abuse, but otherwise despite growing up as a nerdy weeb autistic girl I was never masculine presenting. Girly-girl stuff like makeup was uncomfortable to me as a little girl but so was trying to be with the guys. But when puberty hit I felt like I had the sexuality of a man or something, and this is the part where radfems would accuse me of watching porn when I never saw it, I just had a wild imagination combined with puberty hormones.

That's what stopped me from transitioning when I became a legal adult, because I knew trying to "be a guy" when I was mostly feminine as a child would be just as unnatural. I sometimes wish I was butch or even one of those rare dysphoric femmes so my feelings would "make more sense", but both roles are unnatural for me.

No. 298599

AYRT, yeah "dysphoria" is a bit of a dumb term but it's easier to say than "shithole misogynist society making me wish I was a moid and slowly poisoning more and more facets of my life". Honestly, walking away from radical feminism (in an organised sense, not ideologically) has been very beneficial for me. For women who harp on about stopping people from trooning out, they sure know how to treat us like freaks and push us further towards the hugbox that is transgenderism. Also their attitude towards sex and how we discuss it is fucking ridiculous. I think some take the Suffragette worship a little too far and end up with a Victorian reaction towards open displays of sexuality. Mysteriously they mostly seem to be intolerant towards SSA women… how curious. Nigel and his porn habit is totally fine! He only watches it twice a week now! But whoa there, lezzie, did you just call that celebrity "hot"? Are you implying that all she's good for is SEX? You are LITERALLY male-brained but if you consider trooning out you're a traitor who's sabotaging our movement (even though we just complain online and do zero offline activism). Go sit on the naughty step and think about how you sexually assaulted that famous woman who doesn't even know you exist, deviant.

No. 298600

I tend to lean towards art groups since that's where my interests lie, they tend to be pretty female dominated… But you could also try things like idk book clubs?(if there's a specific genre you're interested in or something)

No. 298602

ntayrt but I agree so much with this. I did a deep dive into feminism/radfem stuff during covid and although I still feel so passionate about women's rights. The cavalier way lesbians have been treated throughout the movement is starting to become more apparent the more I read about lesbian history. The way that straight women call themselves lesbians because they think that will hurt a mans ego the most. And how political lesbians are the ones pushing the "angry dyke" stereotype because they think that all their rage at men will be invalid if they still want to sleep with them.

Right now I just want to think and talk about lesbians and that's it lol.

No. 298603

Yes! I was thinking about this yesterday. I wish there was more resources for lesbians about our sexuality. At finally 30 I'm comfortable or even excited at the idea of being eaten out. It took me until my 30s! (I did grow up in a very religious family though)

I feel like 20s are usually filled with low self esteem feeling uncomfortable and doing what your partner wants even if you don't want to do it- for most women. I wish it wasn't like that and I could have had the bullshit meter/ wisdom/ confidence that I have today.

And I'm proud of you for taking the leap and opening up to your wife.

No. 298604

ntayrt but yeah I think getting too deep into any ideology can be a bit brain melting. It's like I agree with many aspects of it but there sometimes doesn't feel like there's room for nuance or discussion like… everything is decided already and there can't be new discussions to be had.

At the same time I don't particularly feel a kinship towards the women (I'm talking about women who like otherwise agree with the criticism of the trans movement who aren't conservative) who badmouth anyone who has ever looked into radfem theory and called them radfems even if they might have more complicated feelings about the same issues. I've seen women compare radfems to TRAs and it just feels a little juvenile as much as I have issue with some of the ideas floated around.

sorry for sperging this is maybe getting off topic but yeah agree with the weird puritanical attitude towards lesbians. lol

No. 298605

AYRT, that's kind of why it's frustrating to me how so many actual lesbian groups are radfem-oriented when I don't consider myself a radfem and I truly believe most internet radfems are just fed up with trans taking over LGB and porn addicts (as they should). Radfem lesbophobia VS libfem lesbophobia feels similar to how liberal and conservatives are homophobic in their own way. Feminism never really had much to do with my sexuality or so-called "gender" issues though, I felt that way before I discovered political. It feels like unless you're butch or connected to lesbian culture, there isn't a space for lesbian desisters. All the feminine and non-radfem desisters I know of are either attracted to men or even conservative.

No. 298615

AYRT and I know exactly how you feel. I'm nearly 32 and have only started to enjoy being eaten out in the past year or two. I had so much shit in my head I needed to unpack (I had a religious upbringing too) but also it just turns out that I've had some really shitty partners who rushed through it because they wanted to get to the strapping. Being designated as the "man" because of my butchness created a lot of issues too, like a really strong aversion to receiving any kind of penetration that I'm only just overcoming; albeit in baby steps. Thank you lol, it sounds so silly but I was terrified of telling my wife about my hang-ups. Like I thought I was totally punching above my weight with this absolute knockout of a beauty who's intelligent and witty and just this amazing woman who I'm falling really fast for and now I gotta tell her I'm weird about sex?! What the fuck am I doing!!! She's from a simlar religious background though and has been through the whole "assigned top at birth" thing so we really clicked on a lot of things. I'm ashamed to say it was the first time in my life I actually talked about sex before blindly leaping into it. I know most people think it's unsexy (I sure as hell did) and that it kills the mood (ok I admit it kinda does kek) but it really is the best way to have satisfying sex for both partners. Especially if you're wanting a long term relationship with that person and want to avoid the dreaded "lesbian bed death". There really is fuck all resources for lesbian sex out there, like actual female-on-female, no troons allowed, resources that not only discuss casual sex but also relationships and how to navigate boundaries and discuss hangups. I've had a lot of younger lesbian friends irl ask me for advice and it's made me think about trying to do something about it, but all I can think of is a website and I'm an absolute idiot who has zero clue how to make a website, let alone promote it. There is blogging, but I don't want to subject myself to social media again. I do worry though because there's so much misinformation out there and a really risky approach to protection (or the lack thereof). My friends looked at me like I was a wizard when I gave them a demo on how to turn a condom into a dental dam, kek. My wife and I are working on our long term goal of starting a local womens shelter/advice center. I was hoping once we get that off the ground that we could start outreach programs to local SSA women. It'll be a total minefield with the troon issue, but fuck it, I'd rather try and fail then never try at all.

No. 298627

Oof, art is my main hobby and my dream is dating another artist and having collaborative projects, but when I took art classes IRL they were full of middle aged women and art servers/circles on Discord and whatnot are full of younger adults with pronouns in their display and I get paranoid that I'll be outed for thought crimes. I still post on them since I'm well-liked but I hate how same-y and clout-chasing most artists are.

No. 298632

Yeah discord and social media is just like that, I've met some cool people through them though. So there's always a chance you'll click with someone.

I guess for irl it depends on what type of art like you're gonna find a very mixed crowd at figure drawing sessions. But I've also taken game art specific courses which tend to be young and male unfortunately. But the meet up/drink and draws seem to be on the younger side also.

No. 298655

feeling very done with most websites and lesbophobia ladies, now even lowcow has become unbearable to me.

Finding a way constantly to blame lesbians for literally everything. I'm so tired

No. 298667

ayrt polilez ideology was literally written as theologist poetry, because most polilez in the 70's came from a heavily religious organization, before pivoting to radical feminism iirc. They even kept the same magazines, just the content slightly changed. That's why they're still so dogmatic and puritan today and can't admit fault.
I do express myself, but I just chastise myself to a disturbing degree. Reverse psychology, and I kinda hope that if people see the damage religion and puritan polilez does, they might rethink things. Like ha you want to dogpile me? I have more shame and guilt than you can imagine, I can do much worse, I don't need your help. Usually that keeps them off my back. Irl I don't talk about it at all though, because homophobia can get violent, I don't trust anyone and I don't want to come across like the stereotype people have of butches. Just "sex obsessed", misogynistic lockerroom talk etc. So irl I come across as asexual too.
I got more 'dysphoria' from being in rf spaces (online amd irl) than just existing in homophobic patriarchal society alone. Many are just as obsessed with gender as TRA's, but I already had written those off when I came across my first at 16. But holy shit everything is male brained, everything I do is scroteish. Even just random ass shit which has NOTHING to do with sex. If I have to believe them, I already make the perfect scrote and have already betrayed womankind by being butch and a 'lifelong'. Meanwhile they were the ones pressuring me to be naked in the sauna and calling that scroteish too? Just no sympathy or understanding at all, if you feel uncomfortable about any aspect they don't, you're treated like you're literally Hitler. 'We're all women here, so what's the problem, are you scrote brained?' No I've been changing separately from other women for more than 15 years, because when I realized what I am and heard girls say they don't feel comfortable changing with lesbians, I stopped going into women's changingrooms. Nvm body issues I got from 90% of my sexual experiences being with bicurious women and also having a mini traumatic experience at a nudist place when I was little, yeah I have a problem with being naked around people, including other women and I don't see how that makes me a scrote. They expected me to get all over it on the spot or else I'm a traitor, even after explaining. They get a pass for trying to bully women into getting nude, meanwhile if I would've ever expressed my lesbianism, I don't even want to think about the shit I could get.

No. 298714

Best of luck with the project anon, I sure do wish there were more resources earlier in my life but had to learn the long and hard way like you did. I try to look out for the younger lesbians that ask me for advice but it's such a minefield out there that we can't just give tips to a few kids and call it a day if we want people like us to be safe and happy. In that sense, I'm proud of you for planning something more impactful.

I saw a post in one of the FtM threads that "lesbians groom straight women into trooning out" and I find that so fucking hilarious. Lesbians grooming anybody. Buddy we are too busy being groomed!

The changing room drama is odd to me because while back in my younger days I didn't present masc enough to read as gay (so I was not seen as "other"), I began to feel uncomfortable with changing around women before the age of 10. I remember my female family members being more than a little weirded out by me asking to change in private. I found it too intimate I guess, like I shouldn't be seen that way by anyone other than someone I felt safe around.

No. 298719

File: 1668177674551.jpg (205.8 KB, 1080x1080, ProtectionBoxandPouchesRFS_ec6…)

Would you and other anons mind sharing how to practice lesbian safe sex? I haven't done it yet until I meet someone I really love, but I want to be prepared just in case. I actually heard of these underwear called lorals that are made of latex, is this something that is good?

No. 298721

It's interesting that bicurious women or het women do this a lot and make US the one uncomfortable. In college swim class I would change in the lockers and shower naked but I did it quickly since we had stalls but no doors to cover us. The times my ass has been grabbed is incredible and I would say 'stop' but my classmates would take it as a joke. Even if I would tell them I'm a lesbian and makes me uncomfortable they'd say things like ' you're not lesbian' just because I'm femme. I have a curvy thick body and It was usually the skinnier women who'd do that to me since they'd compliment me as they did so, it's not a compliment. Stop staring at me. I come from a different country than America and I didn't have much issues in my other country changing with other women until I came to America. I don't necessarily think it's an American thing though.
Also straight friends show me thier nudes which I don't understand why. They tell me it's to make sure it is attractive enough to send to thier boyfriend? Why would I care? I'm still a virgin and a lesbian, how would I even know what is hot for your bf?

No. 298725

Fr if sex is real why haven’t I seen it before

No. 298736

I really hate when straight people show me their nudes or the porn they like or whatever other sexual thing. Both the men and women do this for some reason. I'm assumed to be male enough so I must appreciate it either way, right?!

No. 298738

>I got more 'dysphoria' from being in rf spaces (online amd irl) than just existing in homophobic patriarchal society alone.
AYRT and yep, same. I remember one time we were discussing video games, I mentioned that I was playing Mass Effect and posted a screenshot that showed the male Commander Shepard I was playing as and I was immediately met with "why are you playing as a man? ew why do that? can you not relate to women? seriously why???" like fucking hell, chill out. I don't like that even if I do manage to make a butch character in a character creator that was clearly meant to make pretty, gender conforming women that I still have to wear a dress in a certain quest, I don't like the misogynistic comments a female character can recieve (I get that it adds realism but it's just, ugh, this is my hobby) and I also wanted to romance a certain character who is straight as I had played as a few different female characters previously. It was this minor detail but this inquisition from them had me over analysing it like "omg do I subsonciously value female characters less? am I truly male brained because I'm autistic?" I know it was a real "touch grass" moment but I was in a bit of a slump mentally speaking and my gf at the time was pretty much a bihet who treated me as a non-threatening boyfriend. To hear that from my so-called friends was the last thing I needed. It happened constantly though, these never ending nitpicks: why do you wear mens cologne, mens clothes, why see a barber, why not correct every single person who reads you as male, etc. They'd virtue signal that clothes, haircuts and perfume/cologne held no gender and that they're soooo enlightened unlike those trannies, but god help any woman who butch'd too close to the sun. It made me want to scream.

AYRT, here's a (relatively) short version of my safe sex 101: Always use dental dams or cut up condoms the first few times, use a condom to cover your hand/fingers when manually stimulating each other and if you're using a strap-on or a similar toy put a condom on that on top of sterilising it each time. I know it sounds overkill and it is kinda silly at first but it won't impact your enjoyment. Laughter during sex is natural. I'm sick of people acting like it's porn and you have to keep it oh so serious and sexy. You can buy dental dams and I've heard that some sexual health clinics now give away free ones however in my experience they're hard to find and often expensive to buy. Condoms however are easily found, often free at clnics and will cover oral sex, manual sex, and the use of toys. Might catch heat for this but if you're sleeping with a bisexual woman who has been sexually active with men the need to be careful is even more important. Yes, the rates of lesbian STD/STI is pretty low comparitively but men are disgusting and often cheat making bisexual women a bigger risk for us. Naturally if you're in a long term relationship you're gonna want to forgo protection at some point, which is fine. But I would strongly advise you both get tested first to be safe. It's something I've done with all my serious relationships. Even in rural areas like mine it's not too hard to set it up. You can go to your doctor or find a sexual health clinic, there's also home test kits now, at my doctors you can take a chlamydia test kit home and then I think you either post it somewhere or drop it back off at the doctors. I know it feels weird and embarassing to get tested but the nurses have seen all sorts of shit, so they won't judge you. If you or your partner has a history of drug use or a previous partner who does - get tested for hepatitis and HIV. As a former drug addict I cannot stress this point enough as I've seen far too many friends get their lives derailed by hep or HIV. When you get your results, show each other. If your partner has nothing to hide they won't have any reason to not show you their results. I say this because an ex of mine tried to withold hers and it turned out that she had herpes. Thankfully I wouldn't have sex with her after that so I wasn't harmed. If your partner doesn't want to show you their results, do NOT sleep with them: it's a huge red flag. When you're both clean and having sex without protection, I would suggest still using a condom on toys. Between poor storage conditions and improper cleaning it's easier than you think for them to get a lil funky. Never heard of latex underwear before lol, sounds weird and I'm assuming very overpriced. With a dental dam you get the mobility you need to actually do a good job and pleasure your partner, I can't imagine being able to really go at it with latex underwear but if anyone in here has experience with them please let me know if I'm wrong. For now though I'd say stick with a dental dam/condoms cut into dams. Cheap, easy and gives you the mobility to make sure you're actually having good sex. I'm kinda rushing through the basics here as I'm about to go out, but if you have any questions feel free to ask and I'll answer when I can.

No. 298742

Thank you so so much for this. You dont know how helpful this is and just for another younger woman to read this and to protect herself is amazing. For other women who want to safetly practice sex this is the best way to go.
When my ex was pressuring for sex she'd tell me that she didn't want to use condoms because we were monagmous and boom, she cheated on me with a bisexual woman already in a relationship. Of course I freaked out and had to get tested asap. Luckily nothing happened, but she did get an std afterword. I only know because she wanted me to console her afterword.

No. 298743

I hate it too. I remember that I feel so gross afterwords and I always tell the partner I'm dating what happened because I don't want to have any issues because of it.

No. 298746

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I saw these at a store the other day and was very tempted to pick them up… I know they're probably used to check a scrote's prostate kek but they seem like they have a practical use for lesbians as well. I don't really know if they are better at protection than condoms for finger stuff but I like the idea of these better so I don't have to ask over the counter for condoms and have to carry them around (though they look like mini ones anyway)

No. 298810

>lesbians grooming straight women into transitioning
Lmao, more like straight and bihet women are the ones who encourage other OSA women to transition so they can become gay men, and when they regret it or realize that's impossible, they blame "the LGBT" for "letting" it happen even though it's the TQ. Lesbians are blamed for everything wrong as usual.

No. 298840

Do you have a height preference? Do you like women shorter or taller than you?

No. 298842

I think I tend towards women a little taller than me, but I'm not that picky. I've rarely met women much shorter than me though, I'm 5'4

No. 298843

I love taller women! I'm 5'2 so I accepted that I am short and love with it. For years I'd want to make myself taller and felt bad about it. Now, for the quality that I lack I look for in a partner I guess? A taller girl for me.

No. 298848

I'm just under 5'3" and androgynous, I wonder sometimes if being on the shorter side puts some women off, especially feminine ones? Personally I prefer women to be either my height or a little taller, preferably a couple of inches taller but I'm not picky

No. 298850

I don't! I like tall and short women, although I doubt I'd be comfortable with someone a foot shorter/taller, but most adults aren't.

No. 298862

Have to be honest I would want a gf/wife who is my same height or taller. 5'5-5'9 area. It feels weird looking down at other women and my last ex was 2 inches taller which I liked.

No. 298880

I'm 5'2 so firmly in the short king territory. Always been a leg enjoyer so taller women are more appealing to me. It's a little goofy being masc yet on the small side (as most women seem to prefer a tall masc woman) but it hasn't hindered my dating life whatsoever tbh. Guess the women I've been into were simply a good match by chance.

No. 298886

File: 1668243637306.jpeg (46.71 KB, 800x800, A7804451-99A1-41C7-9453-70C41E…)

I have always had a tall and strong preference. WNBA player territory Kek.

I’m 5’9 and athletic, my gf is 6’0 and broad shouldered. But honestly I have fallen head over heels for short women over the years too.

No. 298900

File: 1668251611867.png (329.13 KB, 580x580, SSP55L.V2_DFC0361506.png)

Thank you, nona.. Like I said I hate how risky some lesbians can be with sex so if I just get one person online or off to be safer than I'll be happy. Damn, I'm sorry about your ex. I didn't mention it in my novel of a post but obviously getting tested after infidelity is important too. I hope you didn't console her, tbh. If my ex cheated on me and then wanted sympathy for catching the clap I'd laugh in her face.

I volunteer in a homeless kitchen and use these a lot to keep a plaster in place. They're ok but I can find them a little tight and they also have a habit of rolling down from time to time which is no good if you're using them as protection. Can't believe I forgot to mention latex gloves like picrel though. You can buy them over the counter in pharmacies and after covid quite a few supermarkets and general stores starting stocking them. I would actually recommend them over a condom as you'll be much more… uh, agile. Fuck it I'll say it: you can penetrate with fingers while using your thumb on your partners clit, which is something you can't do with a condom on your hand. Just be sure to buy the powder free ones, I'm almost certain that stuff would cause some itching. Also this isn't really related to safe sex but if you have eczma and/or sensitive skin like I do, be sure to give your hands a thorough wash and moisturise after having latex stuff on them as it can cause irritation.

No. 298906

I like all heights, I'm taller than the worldwide average, but a tad shorter than the women around me. They're more tall like an elf though, very narrow bone structure and shoulders. I'm more a linebacker lel. I feel like being butch and a tad shorter is seen as a negative. It seems like everyone prefers taller in general. I'd probably be more popular if I'd move away, since I feel tall everywhere else and mascs are particularly disliked here (not just my feeling or opinion, butches who immigrated to here also said it's particularly difficult)

No. 298953

ntayrt but is this mostly for women that are doing one night stand/ casual stuff? I make sure to get tested and have my partner get tested before we do anything sexual (and an agreement we're only seeing each other). I know sex health/ awareness for lesbians have always been on the backburner for health professionals etc. Should I be more hypervigilant than I am? Also thanks nonie for all the advice.

No. 298969

AYRT and it depends really. If you and your partner are happy to forgo sex while you get tested and wait for the results then god bless and good luck. What worked for me was to practice safe sex whilst that process is happening, as it can take up to a few weeks to get both of your results back and, well, you know what it's like during that honeymoon phase. My wife and I do still use condoms on toys as I'm personally a bit overkill with things, but as long as you know how to properly store and sterilise them that part is completely up to you. If it's casual sex then IMO safe sex is 100% something you should practice. When you're hooking up in clubs or off apps you never truly know who else that person is seeing or if they're being safe with other people. The only problem to look out for when you're monogamous is infidelity, naturally. Like I said in >>298900 I would get re-tested if I found out my partner had cheated - even if they swore they were safe. I've been there personally and the sexual health clinic was very accomodating in getting me an urgent appointment as that particular ex had cheated on me with four other women and I was extremely panicked by it. Sounds like you're all good though, nona!

No. 299006

I wish there was a lesbian only blog that talked about common lesbian stuff. Maybe I should start from thread #1 on here and read everything.

Thanks Nonnie! And yeah I like waiting. Builds excitement lol. The toy thing does seem like easier cleanup. I used to just run to the bathroom and wash the toys with soap but that probably isn't the best practice…. I'm sorry that happened to you and I'm glad you got a rush testing.

No. 299034

This girl who is absolutely perfect keeps flirting with me and i just am so retarded and don't know how to act. She said if I get too tired to drive home I could sleep on her couch, "…or in my bed." It took me like 5 seconds to respond, and all i did was divert the question. One time we were out with friends, and she split off and asked me to meet her at a club down the street, and I said I was already on my way to my car because I was tired and going home. It didn't register until the next day that she was being flirtatious. Tonight we were at a party, and I was flirting with some other girl, which she saw. So that's just gonna make her think I'm uninterested. But in reality she just makes me nervous. Idk how to STEP UP

No. 299040

Since you blew so many chances it could be your mind telling you not to go there. There have been a couple of times when I was full of butterflies and couldn't even speak because I was shaking lol. Years later I read this relationship advice book and it said that it could have been apprehension that I was wrongly believing were butterflies.

Or you're just nervous as heck and if that's the case just be honest and tell her. But there's already an imbalance in this relationship. You already have her on a pedestal and you're not grounded/stable at all if you can't even talk to her. Not the best place to be to start something with her. Build your confidence! See her as an equal!

No. 299043

I get the feeling it is probably anons mind telling her not to go there. Especially if you guys are friends already. You give good advice.

No. 299051

honestly i like women who are the same height as me the best. shorter than me is basically an instant turn off, taller than me isn't that much but i don't find being tall particularly attractive either.

No. 299088

I hate how I finally found a lesbian that I click with and would be comfortable dating (I've had no luck on apps or looking into local scenes), and it turns out she's already taken. I have to hold back the urge to jokingly flirt with her, because I know that's wrong and gross. At this point I low-key hope they break up, but that's not likely since I think they've been dating longer than we've been friends. Sigh. This almost feels worse than having a crush on someone who turns out to be straight.

No. 299091

Taller than me. I’m 5’1 so that’s not a high standard I feel.

No. 299103

Somehow university is more homophobic than expected. I’m in a #itgetsbetter campaign but in reverse. It was easier being out in high school. Now there is actually consequences to my future if I come out.

No. 299120

My girlfriend is 4'11 and I'm 5'4. I love being taller than her and having to lean down to kiss her. She's so cute.

No. 299121

File: 1668363604971.jpeg (1.42 MB, 1440x1295, Screenshot_20221108-1701272.jp…)

I think it's probably worse because with a straight woman it doesn't hurt as bad since she could never have the capacity to be attracted to you so you can just put it out of your mind completely. Also the prior comment is from me. Sorry forgot to sage.

No. 299125

You don't have to sage outside of cow threads. Anons only do it on these boards because they're shy. Welcome to the farms newfriend.
I love petite women 5'4" and under. Short girls are just too cute. I love how they have to tilt their heads back to look up at me (I'm 5'9"). I hope my next girlfriend will want to wear my clothes so I can gush over how tiny she looks in my shirts.

No. 299129

AYRT, that's true. My last crush was straight and I didn't have the feeling that "we could be something, but…", so I just learned to try to appreciate and respect her as a friend. But it feels like this other girl was "one in a million" since I tend to not relate to most lesbians. I'm so jealous of her and her gf…

No. 299131

So long as what you're using is anti-bacterial you should be good. Most sex toy shops stock toy cleaning wipes now though which I keep a stock of as they're incredibly handy to have, especially when you're on holiday. I always feel weird washing my toys in hotel sinks lol. Thank you but honestly my ex doing that to me was actually for the best. We were awful for each other and she did hit me from time to time but I was in a rut so her cheating finally gave me the push I needed to leave. The fact I skipped feeling sorrow over being cheated on and went straight to panicking that my clit was gonna fall off because of super herpes was very telling, kek.

How do you find shorter women treat you due to your height? I'm 6'2 and if I had a penny for every bihet who told me to step on them I'd be a very rich woman indeed. Not saying I don't enjoy being taller and buffer in the right situation, but some women are so gross with how they assume you're an aggressor becauase of your height and/or build.

No. 299133

I have been mostly interested in women that are shorter than me. But I am 5'9 so most are kek.

No. 299135

I avoid bisexuals for that exact reason kek. A lot of women seem to be interested in me just because of my height, and because I'm a bit masculine they see me as some kind of male-lite. I wish I could retaliate against the stupid "step on me" comments with short jokes, but petite women seem to be pathologically obsessed with their own smallness. If I tell a girl I can't see her well enough to step on her, I need a magnifying glass, she's microscopic, etc., she'll cream her pants on the spot. There's no winning. So as it stands I have to save my short jokes for The One.

No. 299136

>I wish I could retaliate against the stupid "step on me" comments with short jokes, but petite women seem to be pathologically obsessed with their own smallness. If I tell a girl I can't see her well enough to step on her, I need a magnifying glass, she's microscopic, etc., she'll cream her pants on the spot.
KEK, too true. One time in a club when I was just looking to get drunk and sulk on my own I had this ~ petite ~ girl try the ol' "step on me" routine and I just wanted her gone so I replied "fuck off, midget" in a cleary hostile tone and she was like "omg you're soooo funny" and cosied up to me.

No. 299146

I think it's really great of you to not flirt with someone taken. Most people wouldn't care, so thank you for being considerate. It's hard to date as a lesbian and even harder when one tries to sabatoge another's relationship out of selfishness.
I'm 5'2 so no matter what I think I will always be the short one. I have to put a box or stool to reach my cereal in the morning which would make my ex laugh at me. I would love wearing a gfs clothes to sleep. It would feel nice. Hope you find someone nice for you.
Also male-lite is the word that most women once they know I'm lesbian (I'm femme) they look at me as that immedietly or try to make me seem more masculine in thier eyes. It's so wierd. Is my sexuality really that important to you? You're not even in my dating pool.

No. 299147

could you divulge what you mean, is the problem gender specials or conservatives at your uni? i had a friend that said she was miserable going to uni because the queerios would constantly harass her for being gay and butch, pisses me off so much

No. 299148

AYRT, honestly, it be common sense not to do crap like that. I'm only confessing that I feel tempted to despite it being wrong cuz this is anon, lmao. I really hope I can find someone else like her that's single soon enough.

No. 299150

I'm butch but I've noticed that once femmes/feminine leaning lesbians are "found out" and people know they're lesbians it's like they're regarded with this weird suspicion. Like "oh she MUST be like Popeye the sailor secretly and the femme thing is just an act", it's so bizzare. My wife is… I guess chapstick? She doesn't really label it. Anyway, we work together and usually she dresses quite femme-ish at work, and one day she had to come in to grab something on her day off and when some co-workers saw her dressed in the street casual stuff she normally wears and no make-up I heard one of them say "I knew she was trying too hard to be womanly at work" like what the fuck? Even if that was true, can they not work out why GNC women femme it up at work when surrounded by straight gender conforming people? Literal pea brains.

No. 299151

File: 1668371305916.jpg (68.77 KB, 661x1500, 615S9OPDmKL._AC_SL1500_.jpg)

You'd be surprised how people do not follow common sense at all…I've been hurt many times by people who thought had my best interest in heart or people who I thought would do the 'right things. So I applaud you and you did good anon! Thank you for doing the right thing.
Ugh, that is so annoying. I've had that problem before too. It's a bit hard for me to seem more gnc because of my body type (curvy) I can't leave my body parts at home. I wear light makeup, like Korean or Asian style makeup. The light foundation the focus on highlighting your face and etc, as opposed to fiery or instagram makeup. I think some bidet women have gotten annoyed at me saying I'm in 'camouflage' some even say 'I'm glad you're not so gay about things' or 'I usually don't like gay people but you blend in well.'. That really hurts my feelings. Even with other bihet women they get offended when they ask straight up 'do you think im pretty?' . I don't even know them.

I think I have gotten more flack from my family because I dress sort of traditional, think skirts and Sunday best dressed, as opposed to what they believe lesbian women dress like. In thier village they knew only of one lesbian but she dressed butch and wore men's clothing and nobody bothered her and accepted her in the village because she was very skillful in her wood crafts.
One day I wore a sweatpants set to the gym as opposed to 'leggings' or sports bra or whatever. I guess girlier clothes? My parents were all concerned and asked me why I wanted to be a boy or whichever and that they 'realized' i was really a lesbian and shocked. Like…no it is cold, I want to be comfortable and I don't want guys at the gym to bother me. I don't want anyone to bother me when I work out. My gym time is for me only. I want to sweat so I got sweatpants on. I don't want to be a man, and I'm not faking being a lesbian.
Pic related, basically this in blue with a snoopy dog on it.

No. 299152

Sorry I meant bihet. And that they get offended when they ask me questions like that and I respond to them 'you're not my type' when I actually don't have one.

No. 299156

AYRT, people are so backwards. The stereotype of a lesbian dressing masc is bad but if a lesbian doesn't dress masc that is also bad. The "not like other gays" line is like a dagger through my heart. I've heard it from "friends" before and it's basically being told that you're tolerable so long as you never mention something about you that you have no power over; something that you did not choose and cannot stop even if you try. I mostly heard it from men as I used to hang out with a lot due to having male dominated hobbies, but hearing it from a woman was always worse. Like other anons and myself mentioned upthread, misogyny and homophobia always hurts more coming from your supposed "sisters". I'm sorry your family are like that with how you dress. Picrel is really cute but I guess wanting to protect yourself from the cold is masc now. Eskimo women must be butch as fuck.

Glad you corrected yourself. Calling a bihet a bidet is misleading as a bidet can wash a mans ass which is something most women can't get their Nigel to do.

No. 299159

I'm sorry my short sisters say that shit. I'm 5" So usually everyone's taller than me already which I like. I used to hate looking/feeling like a child all the time but I've come to terms with it.

Also to Anon who is unrequited like with another lesbian. I don't think this is you but I remember when I had this huuuge crush on this lesbian that didn't like me and I had some incel thoughts like why can't you just give me a try!!!! We're the only lesbians here! etc. I realized I had some incely type thoughts that I needed to unpack lol. It's so hard since the dating pool is so small. The same goes for lowering your standards just for the chance at dating.

No. 299161

I have brothers and I agree that none of them wash thier ass. None of them also brush thier teeth and we have a bidet installed and yet they still do not wash thier ass and smell like must. My brother also doesn't care and change in front of me which I've told him various times that it makes me uncomfortable. All of them have girlfriends as well which I do not understand. One gf told me that she used to date only women until she met my brother…why would she do that to himself he is a slob.
Fortunately, the good thing about people saying those things aloud to you you can see which of them are true friends so you can slowly distance yourself from them. That manner, I tried to make a group of good friends that way and I've succeeded slowly. What sort of hobbies do you have? I dress however I want but especially my father has a lot of criticism and he has bad taste. He is a stereotypical macho man.
While I agree keeping an open mind is good to dating I think lowering one's standards is not good. Especially if thier values go against yours. My ex would constantly never give me attention ( only when she wanted love and attention) and on purpose compliment and look at other women in front of me. I find out that was a way of her making me have low self esteem and making sure I'd always feel unworthy of her love. I think that it's great that you found things about yourself that you want to improve. Myself, I have to find the correct balance of giving the same energy as the other woman is giving me and put the same effort and not expect so much.

No. 299178

I'm the anon with unrequited feelings towards a lesbian and honestly I don't feel incel-y about it, we were just friends, I felt a crush coming on and wanted to get closer so I could see if she was comfortable with dating someone like me,bthen…I find out she's already taken. My heart was broken before feelings were fully formed, lmao. I tend to not get crushes easily, so this was a huge letdown and I still have trouble coping since finding someone with similar interests and experiences, and a lesbian (or bisexual and actually wants to date women) has been hard for me.

I do relate to lowering standards, though. My bar is super low but at this point it feels I might have to settle with someone I'm not super attracted to (which is the lowest bar for me, I'm not one of those "a connection must be formed/need romantic feelings first to be attracted" types). When I was on apps there were women who liked me but I ignored because they weren't my type, but if I could go back in time and make myself match, I would. It's slim pickings.

No. 299187

>have a very strong hard to explain attraction to feminine bihet girls
>be barely 5'3" with no muscle

It's a struggle

No. 299213

Probably hard to explain because you don't want to come to terms with subconsciously setting all your possible relationships up for failure. You pick women that have the least success rate so you can protect yourself from being open and vulnerable and you allow yourself to get hurt so you can move on and repeat the cycle never having to open up to something possibly meaningful. Or You like the victories of winning the bihet women over and you feel that by winning their favor it makes up for some rejection from your past. Or none of those two things.

I'm triggered from being a baby gay in the 2000s and everyone having internalized homophobia wanting someone that was really feminine or straight. I know it's a preference but I feel like it's on the same level of armpit/leg hair being a preference.

sorry for sperg

No. 299255

I have a friend who clearly is pining for me and trying to passive aggressively make me think less of my gf and I just wanna say, fuck you!

No. 299256

I guess they’re just more conservative than my high school classmates. I’m not used to having to hide my sexuality… I guess I’m lucky in that respect.

No. 299257

Don't let her anon! Stand your ground.

No. 299258

>My bar is super low but at this point it feels I might have to settle with someone I'm not super attracted to
Please don't do this nonna, for your own sake as well as the woman you end up settling for. I was in a relationship where I clearly wasn't her 'type' and even though she wasn't mean about it I could absolutely tell and it wrecked my self esteem.

No. 299274

Oh I wouldn't date that friend even if I were single kek. It's just obvious to both me and my gf that I'm "her type". I've stood my ground hard when she tried to say some disrespectful shit about my gf and she hasn't tried that tactic again since. Pretty soured on the friendship in general, not sure why she thought I'd be into shitting on my own gf.

I agree with this, don't date someone you're not going nuts for/who isn't going nuts for you.

No. 299280

AYRT, yeah, I know deep down it's a bad idea, but I tend to feel really guilty when I don't find another woman attractive, since it's hard enough to even make friends. My last crushes were straight, but then when I finally meet a lesbian that I like, she's taken. It feels like having standards is why I'm in this space. I wouldn't lead someone on and pretend I'm attracted when I'm not, but I tend to feel like I'm not someone most lesbians would be attracted to either.

No. 299281

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That's so disrespectful of her. I'm glad that you stood your ground. Girlfriends are to be cherished and protected, your girlfriend is lucky and I wish a stable relationship for you.

No. 299302

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Thanks a lot nona, gf and I are doing super well and I intend to earn my keep in her life until the day I die. We're so good to each other. Wishing everyone else in this thread good luck in the dating scene, keep your chins up and take chances on love!

No. 299306

my friend is 24 and her new gf is 40. what are your guys opinion on big age gaps? it is her first relationship

No. 299309

It's definitely not for me, not long term. I wouldn't want to have a partner more than 10 years older because I'd be watching her become geriatric while I'm still comparatively young. Even for a less serious relationship… what the hell do you talk about? Your friends gf was college age when your friend was in diapers. They basically come from 2 completely different worlds.

No. 299311

Creepy. I'm 28 and I wouldn't date a 24 year old so that says a lot about your friend's creepy old lady.

No. 299317

Red flag. I'm seeing as someone on the older side, I know when you're (general you, since I was in this camp too) young the idea of dating someone older and stable is attractive (when I was early 20s I would've loved to, but now that phase of my life is over, I wouldn't go near anyone younger than 5 years), but in the end it's just a fantasy. Obviously they're both adults and therefore not "grooming" or "pedo", but every adult I've known who dates younger adults were insufferable and immature to the point people their age were repulsed by them.

I found out a few months ago that a friend of mine that I actually cut out of my life is dating someone 11 years younger. She is 36, her partner is 25, they met when she was 21. And to me, it kind of made sense that she would do that. When we were friends she was immature, I had to constantly walk on eggshells to not offend her (we are in the same age range, btw, she's slightly older, but it felt like babysitting), and she was stuck in the past and obsessed with nostalgia and things that emulated her teen years. Another friend who cut me off was like that too, I found out she was dating someone mid-20s in her 30s, because even being friends with someone her age who criticized her unhealthy/immature behavior was too much for her.

When it comes to most age gaps, I just wonder for the older person what someone younger would have that someone their age wouldn't.

No. 299327

I'm >>299156 and I couldn't agree any more with what you said. I got had a long term relationship with my first girlfriend and we even got engaged, but unfortunately she died in a car accident. After that I closed myself off, I thought "why get close to someone if the world can take them away from me in such a cruel and violent way?". So I specifically sought out bihets who would never challenge me emotionally, who would never get too close to me, who would never ask why I'm weird about sex. I was the bad boy they always wanted but were afraid to pursue. I'm tall, muscular, I used to be a boxer, I'm tattooed, I ride a motorbike; those kinds of girls lap that shit up. I didn't even have to open my mouth to impress them. It sounds like I was living the dream and getting easy pussy and, well, yeah, I kinda was! But that "dream" was more like a nightmare that had me over a barrel. I was an alcoholic junkie with enough emotional baggage to fill a fucking warehouse. There were times when I would cry and these girls would look at me as if I just ripped a huge fart. It ruined the mirage for them! The big tough butch isn't tough at all and actually has feelings! Ewww! I thought I got over it with my most recent ex. We actually connected, we were friends first so it was a nice foundation to build on. Buttt… when we first started flirting she would send me porn, stuff she found hot I guess. It was either male gazey """lesbian""" shit that was fake as fuck or het porn where I assume she wanted me to be the dude. She was a pillow princess who never challenged me on my sexual hang-ups but she was soooo gay you guys! Totes bi and experienced with women! But the few times she tried giving me head she stayed down there so long she almost developed gills as an evolutionary reaction. She clearly got her "technique" from the aforementioned porn and I was so bored I actually started thinking about football one time. She was into me as a person, theoretically, but not so into me that she challenged me on why I was slowly killing myself with drugs and booze. She swore we'd make it though, somehow. Even made a pinterest board for our wedding that would totally, definitely, absolutely happen one day except… she didn't want me meeting her parents. Middle class, well educated white girl didn't want the middle eastern butch who's dumb as a bag of hammers showing her up in front of mummy and daddy, I guess. She had a great relationship with her parents too so when she denied my request to take them out for dinner it felt like she ripped my heart out and stood on it. I only met like, four of her friends too. They were snobby uni students who looked at me like I was a simpleton (maybe I am but that's besides the point). I tried breaking up with her like… three times I think? Before I finally thought "FUCK THIS SHIT" and left for real. She did stand by me through some tough shit and we were good friends who had some great times together that I'll cherish but it absolutely, categorically was not love. Frankly it was blasphemous of me to call it that. Meeting my wife reawakened the part of me that I thought died with my first girlfriend. Full disclosure: I think the fact that my wife is also a lesbian plays a big part in why we work so well together. She gets it, y'know? No shade against anyone here dating a bi chick, if it works for you then fair 'nough. But for me it was almost like self-harm. I cannot preach enough to younger lesbians how important it is to not get caught in a cycle of dating women who do not challenge you emotionally and will never commit to you in meaningful way. Never settle for being a caricature. Never settle for being a bihets flavour of the month. Date a woman who loves the full spectrum of your humanity! That probably sounds weird but I'm ESL and stoned on painkillers 'cause I tore my damn bicep. But yeah, please love yourselves and date women who deserve you.

Wow, this was a huge bummer of a post. To balance things out: it's my wedding anniversary this coming weekend! My wife has arranged a little trip up to Scotland for us. I love dumb conspiracy theories, being in the middles of nowhere, and cold weather: so we're going to Loch Ness! We're gonna look for Nessy, go mountain biking, wild swimming, paddle boarding, and just chill in the surrounding countryside in these swanky cabins in the woods. I think that's a title of a horror movie but it's ok because we're both final girl material. Appologies for rambling and rddit spacing. I have not took painkillers in a very long time and wow* my tolerance is shit now; I'm gonna go sleep for like 18 hours. Goodnight m'lesbians, take care of yourselves. ♥

No. 299336

I agree with you anon about the older people who go out with younger people is because they are emotionally distant or immature. I've seen not just hetero couples, but lgbt couples go through this too. My friend R dates men in thier mid thirties when he is 24 and then ask why they use him as a toy. Even though the dating pool gets smaller for me, I wouldn't date anyone older than me by 2 or 3 years. It's not the actual age gap that is more of the problem, it's the fact that people in extreme age gaps are immature or have issues in the first place as to why they couldn't date in thier age range.

No. 299337

Thank you for this experience. I'm so sorry about your first girlfriend, but if you believe in a higher being then I know she is in a better place and in hevean. I thank you for giving us insight into your life and hopefully your story motivates and inspires more younger lesbians here. I also feel more closer to other lesbians and I like the experience we share in partnership.
The conspiracy trip is so fun and I hope you find out more lochness monster stuff. I wish you good health and a good sleep anon! Shoutout to you and your wife and I wish you very healthy and happy times ahead.

No. 299346

nona i would read a book about your life

No. 299352

AYRT. Yeah, the people (straight and lgb) I've known who date younger to cope with their immaturity say they "have to" because dating is hard when you're older. That's true, I came out late and have trouble finding someone now, but I've had to stay single because I really don't want to date someone younger or even older. It frustrates me when I tell my younger friends that the woman in her 30s is likely a creep only to be blown off because "I'm mature for my age, and older women are hotter anyway". Like, okay, have fun having your relationship be babysitting someone older than you.

Side note, but the friend I cut out who is dating someone 11 years younger, ironically, reminded me of my father and how I had to walk on eggshells around him. The age gap between my parents is similar to theirs, and my dad would often take home younger women after divorcing because the ones his age were rightfully scared off by his behavior. My other former friend that cut me off also was dating someone in their mid-20s last relationship was with someone a decade younger, and she had a tendency to burn bridges whenever she was criticized. She burnt bridges with me and burned another with the company she kept after.

No. 299355

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Yeah, I'm 29 and I guess I was just looking for the right person, so now I really want to find someone my age. It really sucks that your younger friend is like that because that's my friend R is as well. His parents grew up in a rural village and got married, so he bases that as a true love story. Uhm, your parents had no choice, had different values and different lifestyles. The kicker is that he complains that his father is immature, so I think there is a lot of truth to what you're saying.
Your friend and father sounds a lot like someone I knew. They'd burn thier bridges if someone gave them a different perspective and then burn thier bridges in a fiery destructive way. People like that are going to continue to have problems in any relationship they are in because they can't even handle thier ownself and take responsibility for thier behavior. Like the anon who shared her story above, it's better to have someone that actually challenges you emotionally than keeps you stagnant. You can have an 'easy relationship but if it doesn't fulfill you you can start having problems or either make them up yourself because you aren't happy with your own self worth.
I hope me and you can date someone mature and worthwhile in the upcoming year.

No. 299362

So am I, I came out during the pandemic despite knowing since I was a teenager. I started using apps and looking into local scenes when lockdown was over and I've mostly gotten attention from younger women. I've had a few early 20s women IRL chat me up or flirt and it grossed me out. I know statistically lesbians tend to come out later, but I have no idea how you even start out late 20s-early 30s when most women I know are taken.

I know this site tends to skew younger, so no offense but I just don't want to date someone so young, they tend to either be super woke or really socially awkward and borderline rude and have no filter due to going online at a young age.

No. 299367

I dont use apps because I feel like fast food on there. I think that apps make it so hard to connect with others. I'm going to continue to try to look for someone in the 'wild' and hope for the best. I also think someone I'd be interested in would have the same feelings about these stances to me. I wish you luck, maybe you can find someone in a special interest?

I can't stand having friendships with someone younger than me, I only had one friend that was young but they were a neighbor on my street. The other younger friend I have I play a older sister type and try to encourage them to do the right thing. Cheating is also rampant and the vocabulary they use "catching feelings' is super interesting but eye opening. They see as being committed as a bad thing.

No. 299368

That's what I've been doing, but my hobbies tend to attract moids or younger people in general. The younger women who flirted with me in-person initially noticed a band t-shirt I was wearing or I have a tv show pin on my bag, I guess it's because being into that stuff makes me seem younger, but I'd really prefer to find someone who likes the same stuff and is the same age since we'd have similar experiences with fan communities and whatnot.

I'm personally okay with being friends with any age 20+, but relationships are a whole different story. I tend to have a similar outlook to them when it comes to relationships since I don't want to settle down when I haven't even had my first relationship, but then every my age wants to settle down. Sometimes I feel like I'm shooting myself in the foot by being strict about age (even though I literally can't be attracted to someone young and baby faced or old and wrinkled), but my former friends and family who are in age gap relationships have shown me they're not healthy or fulfilling anyway.

No. 299371

Yes pins and those cute things do tend to attract younger people. When I wear things with characters on them people just assume I'm younger. Even when I wear a college alumni sweater they assume I'm a college student or a high-school graduate.
Let's say you get into a relationship now, and you end up changing your mind about settling down. Is that possible for you or do you want to explore your options more? And yes they aren't really fulfilling. I wish you the best of luck tho anon.

No. 299387

>Let's say you get into a relationship now, and you end up changing your mind about settling down. Is that possible for you or do you want to explore your options more?
I'm not ruling out settling down if I met the right person, but I've hardly entered the dating game fully to even know what my options are or if the right one is out there. My few matches on apps (since it's my main way of filtering and finding women my age) got cold feet over wanting to meet up. I'm not a hook-up person or someone who wants to have mindless sex, but one thing that I kind of resent about those who came out younger and in a safe place is that they can be single and mingle with their age without serious commitment. I've personally had never been "in love" or felt strong romantic attachments (attraction, on the other hand, hell yeah) and I won't rule it out, that's why I don't have a serious outlook on dating and want to just have fun and try things out. I really want to figure out what kind of personality and dynamics I can work best with, but I don't have any ways of finding out. But now my pool of who is available is mostly women who have already experienced that phase and want to settle down, I don't have what they want. I dunno. I wish dating over 25 was easier, I'd love to find someone in this boat, so we can test the waters.

No. 299410

Thanks for sharing your story nona, I found a lot to relate to despite our lives being quite different. Scotland is my favorite country btw, I'm so glad you'll be going there for holiday. The countryside is absolutely gorgeous especially if you're a nature type! They also have very neat castles that I found charming, overall what a beautiful gloomy country…

No. 299467

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I wish we could make a club of lesbian women over 30 for every country hahaha. Kind of like a country club kind of thing. There would be bound to be someone that is a match for you. I'd love to be able to meet others and learn from thier experiences. I've actually heard from other people that meeting women's hard because they do get cold feet or the conversation goes nowhere unless they're strictly looking for hookups only. It also depends on your area. I know for sure since I live on the west coast that there might be special places or events, but sadly I don't like to drink or to go to clubs. Its not my style and I think I'd be untruthful to myself or present myself in a false way if I did that. I wouldn't be having fun. My ideal fanyasy is meeting a rando at a museum or coffee shop or a concert. Haha. I wish you the best of luck.

No. 299494

Thank you, nona. I believe she's in heaven too, and they couldn't wish for a better angel. I hope over the course of my life I've ranted enough so that the next generation of lesbians value themselves more and aren't afraid of commitment and emotions like I was. I always used to think the next generation would have it better than I did but I think they might have it worse. Actually, I know they do. Want a wife? You're copying the heteropatriachy. Wants kids? You've been brainwashed into thinking you want them or are copying the nuclear family model. Want to move to the country and live a simpler life with said wife and kids? Colonising neo-nazi. Hell, can't even want a biological female for a partner anymore. Makes me wonder how we backpedalled so fast in such a short amount of time. I think in times like this dating a lesbian is even more important given the increasingly huge chasm between us and bisexual women. There are normie bisexual women out there, don't get me wrong. But they're bloody hard to find.

Funny you say that because I did get a book about my life published; only thing is it's about my alcoholism and drug addiction. It's basically a written epic fail compilation but in my defence, I did it so I could whack up the profits between the addiction charities that have helped me recover and a savings account for my wife and I's future kid(s). I used a pen name and changed names, locations, etc, so it can't track back to me. I figure that I spent so much money on drugs and booze that I may as well get a return on that investment. #finance

I love Scotland too! If it wasn't for my family, I would probably want to move there as I absolutely adore the nature there and the weather suits me perfectly. I've only been to Edinburgh castle but I hope to visit more in the future. I also wanna see some of the little islands too, but I feel like I would never want to leave them.

No. 299525

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I love my partner so, so much. She possesses everything I look for in a partner, and I'm so lucky to be her girlfriend. She's exactly my type, and god, I can't understand how she can be so effortlessly perfect. It's like, being a ray of sunshine is second nature to her, and she's such a breath of fresh air in comparison to the other women I've dated or who have been interested in me. Because I’ve only been in toxic relationships before, feeling like I’m cared for and loved is entirely new to me, and I’m so grateful that I can have that experience with her. Likewise, I want to prove to her that what we have will be nothing like her last relationship, and that she can lean on and trust me. I want her to feel protected and loved, the same way she makes me feel. She makes me want to be the best version of myself I can be, and I always want to be someone she can be proud of. Anyways, I've been thinking about her since she's been busy all day, lol. I can't wait to hear all about what she did today later.

No. 299547

File: 1668565917091.jpg (91.87 KB, 720x960, 1631165589226.jpg)

I really wish I could find some lesbian friends, nonnies. All the women I meet are so unironically homophobic and obsessed with men. Blogposting but I recently finished a nursing course. The class was all women, and all of them were very kind, except that they would straight-up be homophobic as hell at random. I couldn't find anything in common with most of them because they'd always be talking about their ex bfs, their children, or shows I don't watch bc they had male thirst traps (like the Dahmer one). I was terrified as fuck of being ostracized since we worked so closely as a group in a lot of tough situations. So I said as little as possible about myself in general, which made them think I was some kind of challenge. I ended up ghosting them because they would often joke to me about getting me drunk to 'open me up' and crap. The professor of that course also professed to be an ally, but when I went to her and told her I would need a little extra instruction about taking care of men in our nursing home (I've never seen a penis and didn't know how to help little old men clean themselves, sue me), she got really weirded out and never actually helped me.

Sorry for venting, I just find it so hard to make friends and there's like nowhere else on the web I can rant about this kind of thing.

No. 299558

AYRT, I personally am a bar or club person, but I don't actually like going because I get hit on by men and the attractive women are with their boyfriend, and it makes me feel like crap. There's a gay bar in a neighboring state I considered going to, and I might in the spring or next summer, but my biggest fear is it'll be full of 21-year-olds, and I'll get hit on by those alongside men (since it was rebranded to be "queer" instead of just lesbian).

Honestly, where I live, looking for hookups as a lesbian is harder too. I've been demonized by friends and other lesbians, ironically ,because I had a phase where I figured I don't want to date because I have never been in love and just want to have sex, but when I tried to put myself out there as someone who wanted that, I only got messaged by men who wanted a threesome with their bi girlfriend. So I decided I don't want that anyway, and even if that was an option I don't think I actually would since I have PTSD anyway and it might be a self-harm impulse.

The women I matched with who had cold feet didn't respond at all after a while. I get really sick of how even grown adults have internalized the "useless lesbian who is scared to talk to women" Tumblr stereotype when they're pushing 30. It's not cute anymore. I get it to a degree since I grew up Christian and a lot of family members of mine are vocally Republican, so that combined with the trans nonsense has left a lot of internalized homophobia in me, but one of the hardest lessons I learned when I came out after lockdown was if I wanted someone, I need to break out of this shell.

No. 299562

Thank you for sharing your experience. I'll take your words to heart.

No. 299565

Shorter than me. Which blows because I'm 160 cm

No. 299593

File: 1668579213551.jpg (38.78 KB, 564x753, 1663980371971.jpg)

When I came out in my workplace a lot of them accepted my sexuality but then they would say off handed comments and tell me that I wasn't really a lesbian. It made me feel very sad so now I keep it to myself. Vent away in this thread! I mostly have straight friends and I have to always pick selectively on who I speak to about my own love issues.
Today while I was walking someone spray painted queer power and it made me laugh lol. I once went to a very beautiful lounge and I enjoyed dressing up but it was very obvious it was a 'classy' place to talk. The place was so nice to take pictures in.
Yeah, I think that it's best to not even touch that. That's one of the reasons why I'm very very selective on partners. I know I wouldn't mentally be ok with doing something with someone I wouldn't care for, and less a man. I sincerely hope your ptsd is manageable and I wish you good health.
For myself, when I first fell in love I directly told the other woman. The other woman did follow that 'useless lesbian' and I always had to guess what she wanted even though I asked her directly. To this day I'm sure my love for her was unrequited… that's interesting about your background. It must be hard, I come from a family culture that is very catholic and in my family's country is super traditional and being a lesbian is actually seen as ' being a man in a woman's body lol. Rural village people.

No. 299616

How do you know if someone is in denial or actually straight? I need advice.
>There's a GNC girl in class, we click instantly
>Really sweet to me, not as sweet to the moids in said class
>Starts to get really affectionate (laying head on my shoulder, holding my hand, making heart hand signs, gets to the point were people imply we are a couple/"cute together")
>When we hangout she insists on paying for everything
>Just gives gay vibes all around
>One day, topic comes up and she says she's straight and very affectionate…all while feeling me up at the same time! Claims her whole life everyone thought she was a lesbian but isn't. Again, all while feeling me up.

God, I am so damn tired. I didn't even want to jump to conclusions at first, but the writing was so on the wall even other people thought she liked me. I'm not mad, just sad because I feel played. I'm going to take her word that's she's straight, but her actions say otherwise. I may sound like a moid saying this, but a part of me wants to just distance myself or tell her to cut out all the touchy-feely because it's sending some mixed ass signals. What do yall think?

No. 299666

I'm so sorry anon, something similar has happened to me before and it sucks. Sadly lots of straigh women are that affectionate to us just because they like attention, I think you should talk to her about it since it makes you uncomfortable. It's better to sort out these things as soon as posible, don't let her play with your feelings.

No. 299703

Being GNC isn't an exclusively same-sex attracted trait and given how touchy-feely this girl is, I'd say she's straight. Think about it: would you be that physical with a female friend? Most lesbians I know are quite touch averse out of fear of being labelled predatory, and that goes double for GNC women and butches. At most she might be a little curious simply due to the fact that she's been assumed to be a lesbian her whole life. I imagine that might fuck with your head a little bit, especially if she's college aged as those can be emotionally turbulent years anyway. Just politely tell her that you're not comfortable with that level of affection due to your sexuality; that you feel like you're being toyed with. It's not moid like at all to request that, you're only human and when a girl you like is being overly physical with you while insisting she's straight it naturally screws you up a little. I've been there myself, it hurts. Straight women can be so incredibly affectionate and it's wonderful in the right situation, but if it's not right for you and is coming across as flirtatious then tell her. In all honesty, she might respond to you in a homophobic manner. I've also had that happen to me because they've taken it to mean that I'm a perv and getting turned on by it. It hurts like hell but at the end of the day it's for the best that you clear the air. And if she is curious then she has to know that you're not her plaything. She needs to shit or get off the pot, to put it rather plainly. Best of luck, nona.

No. 299711

nta but
>shit or get off the pot
makes me kek in this instance, because pot means dyke in Dutch

No. 299714

KEK. "shit or get off the dyke" should be a catchphrase for all the women who struggle to make the first move.

No. 299736

you sound like a fascinating and thoughtful person nonni. I hope I can stumble upon your book some day, and I hope you write some more, as you obviously have a talent for writing. wishing you and your wife all the happiness in the world!

No. 299737

moar like
>get off the dyke or shit


No. 299752

Is anyone here turning to waifuism? Our dating pool is tiny and women seem fickle. I think I’ll focus on my waifu until I’m finished with education

No. 299755

I dont really resonates with female characters so much but I did think of it once or twice.

No. 299780

I am so tired of first date after first date always flopping, with neither of us texting each other back afterwards or her directly saying she "wants to be friends" (the most recent one from earlier today. I have no ill words to speak of her and it was more polite to say something like that then just ghost) but it is so exhausting to be rejected time and time again and feel ever so slightly more unlovable each time.

No. 299788

File: 1668662281292.jpg (300.76 KB, 2048x2048, 20220921_124039.jpg)

Don't worry anon, we'll both find love someday. Taking a break feels good sometimes.i know what rejection is,feels bad, but the person for you wouldn't want to just be friends. I hope you get a whirlwind romance that will swee you off your feet.

No. 299789

aww, you're gonna make me cry! I wish the absolute best for you too nona

No. 299790

SA, been reading through the thread archives and holy shit just found the source of the series of images that are like "what it's like to be a lesbian on dating apps" I think i saw it back when I was on tumblr but had no idea it came from here!

No. 299799

how do people learn to tolerate chronic rejection… i thought it was supposed to get easier. each one crushes my soul equally.

No. 299800

Let me know if you find out!

No. 299801

i know its possible because straight men endure it but omfg i feel completely hopeless

No. 299802

it visibly freaks strangers out when i begin talking, because until that point i pass as a teenage boy. im becoming so tired of it. i just want to present butch without getting gawked at. all of this combined with my sex dysphoria makes me think i should just stop coping and give in to transitioning. obviously i wont ever be male but maybe it's better than sticking out 24/7.

No. 299804

I have this same experience and I consider it all the time. My mother hates it, she tells me all the time she'd rather I transition than be a masculine female, because it'd be less embarrassing to have a normal son than a lesbo daughter

No. 299806

Straight men don't really have a diverse range of emotions outside of "damn, now I can't get my dick wet" though.

No. 299813

ya my mother is totally ashamed of me ayoooo

No. 299822

Yeah but I didnt turn into waifuism to cope, it just happened naturally, if I ever get a irl girlfriend I don't think I will leave my waifu aside.
I have only met straight women who pretended to be bi though, so I'm not sure if I will ever get a gf, I don't know a single lesbian on my town or the cities nearby.

No. 299837

I'm curious, when you got rejected by most of these women were you actually ecstatic about them? Like are you crushed because you were super looking forward to another date with her or with someone? Ofc I don't know you (or the other anons echoing the sentiments) so apologies if this is baseless but I feel like it could be that you're focusing on whether rejection proves your worth vs it being about you finding love. When you're on a date you're simply testing the waters and looking for a spark, it's nothing deeper than that. If you were really invested in these first dates and the rejection hurt you that much, I feel like there is something else going on with you. And if you weren't that invested but are hurt by the rejection itself, then that's also not a great thing. There might be things to look at that will both make you a better partner to a future gf but also to yourself.

Just my two cents, as a 30something lesbian who spent a good chunk of time dating around to find my current gf who suits me so well.

Sorry you're going through that, I'm masc so I've also dealt with a lot of butchphobia from family and exes. Don't give in.

No. 299888

It's less about the loss of each individual woman (they're all from tinder and only exchanged maybe a few dozen messages with them tops, I was never THAT invested in complete strangers). I think you're right about me needing to stop thinking about these rejections as somehow meaning I'm completely undesirable. I really needed to read this so thanks.

No. 299897

Glad to be of help. If you weren't so hot on those women to begin with, maybe you both ended on the same page more or less afterall. No spark, it's fine to move on before investing more time.

No. 299947

Can you share them again here? I'd be interested to see

No. 299948

I’ll do it in a few but if you wanna see now it’s the first lesbian thread

No. 299953


Deadass my waifuism is with a genderbent version of a male character. He does nothing for me as a man but I saw a lesbian x reader fic of him a few years ago and it just clicked. Only con is that it's basically "only me" tier niche so I have to feed myself.

No. 299956

That's kind of fascinating who is it if you don't mind sharing.

No. 299958

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No. 299959

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No. 299960

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No. 299961

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No. 299962

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No. 299963

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No. 299964

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No. 299965

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No. 299966

File: 1668753100182.png (495.44 KB, 960x640, 3ED0F431-E4C1-45B6-A56B-C7A344…)

(These were made at some point in 2020)

No. 299967

File: 1668753193318.png (663.89 KB, 1402x825, 156D2F89-9B14-47BA-9AB3-0B18DA…)

Sorry all I’m almost done

No. 299968

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No. 299969

File: 1668753290382.png (220.07 KB, 710x361, 7F9AFE52-3FC9-417C-A729-77DE09…)

Ok I’m done! If you’re reading from here I just want to remind you I’m not the OP

No. 299971

Is this seriously a thing? Girl, I could move…

Marginally related, are there any East Asian lesbians in here? Have you/what age were you when you came out? I still can't imagine actually doing it, I could probably be married with adopted kids and my parents and I still would never have directly acknowledged the aspect of it where I'm lesbian.

No. 299975

>only liked you because you seemed like an expert in lesbianism

No. 299984

never thought my shit would get shared again kek
Oh yeah we talked for a while, but we were both busy with studying and neither wanted to move to each other's country/continent.

No. 299985

I wish I could do that, since having crushes on idealized fictional characters that won't betray me (it's happened kek) is easier than finding a date where I live, but I don't find it fulfilling. I actually started coping with waifu stuff when I was forcibly outed in high school (and something else really bad) and I wanted some kind of outlet for my budding feelings, but it's akin to smoking for me, lmao. I've always been a lonely person and introverted, so the times in my life where I tried to focus on my "waifu of the moment", it was a stagnation cycle to not challenge myself socially.

Before fandom was overtaken by gender nonsense I had friends in some of mine who would say they're asexual IRL and only interested in fiction, and as much as I envy that, reading stories and shipping myself with characters was a coping mechanism, not what I really wanted.

It would be nice if I could find somewhere to casually talk about my crushes though. I actually got a new character crush earlier this year and while it's like a bandaid since my last few real person crushes weren't interested, it's still an outlet. I always feel embarrassed and like a loser to talk to my friends about it, when half of them can find dates, but I worry if I go on here it'll deanon me, or on other sites I'll be mistaken as a scrote.

No. 299991

I'm a halfer, so I don't know if I count but I came out when I was 12-13ish. My mother (the asian one) doesn't mind me being gay, but still expects me to eventually settle with a man. I could never imagine telling my asian grandparents about my sexuality, but I imagine it'd be more or less the same.

No. 299992

There's a thread for that here >>>/g/296708. Title says husbando, but waifus are fine too, you may feel a bit out of place since most of the people there are straight women, but the second you mention a waifu all the other lesbians pop up kek. I'm not on it, but I saw a discord channel for it on the friend finder thread too.

No. 299993

NTA and West Asian anon here, my parents don't want my grandparents to know because they wouldn't get it but that just means I will never see them again because I'm not going to hide my gf. I've limited my family bonds to only those that are cool with my completely natural orientation. I make zero attempts to hide myself online or IRL, not like I can blend in with the way I look anyway.

No. 300004

The previous thread got pretty waifu centric discussion towards the end, before a new one was made. People are definitely amenable to talking about it and there are quite a few who are open about being lesbian waifuists

No. 300017

AYRT, I know, I posted in the first thread for advice on if it was truly a fulfilling lifestyle since I'm introverted, gave a hard time finding someone, and was diagnosed with severe anxiety (bordering on agoraphobia) when I was young, but I realized it's not for me. I have a waifuist acquaintance so I know they take it seriously as a real relationship, so if I use it to cope with not being able to find a real relationship it's not the same or welcome.

I also have the owner for the server added, but haven't done the verification yet due to both of us working and living in different timezones. I know the thread on here is active but I prefer somewhere private since I'm embarrassed about this stuff and talking on here would deanon me.

No. 300021

Hi anon! I'm sorry I've been busy but luckily I have today off and should be able to verify you. I'll be on standby.

No. 300026

Nonnies I am currently engaged in a slow burn situation-ship with a cute andro woman I met at a straight bar and let me just say, it is SO much more fun to meet a woman in person rather than through online dating. It's so exciting to slowly get to know each other and flirt a few times a month. It reminds me of how dating used to feel in high school before smart phones and tinder became a thing. It's just so much more fun. I wish everyone could feel this and I'm sorry to all the girls out there on the apps because they are truly terrible and IRL is for sure the way to go. I encourage everyone looking for romance to just get out there in the physical world because you never know who you might meet!

No. 300031

Yes! You need to talk to random women, I'm serious. It's an important skill that will pay off.

No. 300045

I did on accident and it causes me literal pain sometimes.

No. 300069

How did you start talking or approach? Or how did she approach you at first? I want this type of thing so much but I'm very socially anxious and have a bad BPD/autist combination

No. 300072

This is my dream. I honestly hate apps but it's my only way to figure out who's gay or not. I'd kill to be into andro/butch girls since it'd be easier to tell usually, but alas, I have no taste. I'd love to just flirt in-person but the last time I did it was awkward and she turned out to be straight, I felt bad.

No. 300074

It's too specific to say without being paranoid about ID-ing myself but he's a character from a SFW joseimuke.

No. 300089

women are free to approach me, but I don't want to be a butch hitting up a straight woman in a straight bar and end up getting Teena Brandoned

No. 300103

I've been practicing making random small talk with straight women (very, "how's the pizza here"?) And I think it helps. I think just knowing more people generally helps.

No. 300127

We're in the exact same camp I'm the only person into her so I'm super identifiable kek

No. 300152

I started talking to her. She's andro/butch and I could tell she was gay right away so the ball was in my court to approach her and let it be known that I'm a lesbian too. I've never had a hard time approaching women and am pretty confident in that area, but I've only gotten that way through experience. Definitely encourage practice! I feel for >>300072 because it is definitely more of a challenge with femme/straight-looking women, and it can be a tricky game best played by letting them approach first.
I'm having so much fun with my little irl crush and I'm resisting the urge to really gush but maybe I will a little bit. She kissed me for the first time recently when I really wasn't expecting it and nonnies, I cannot even begin to describe the feelings that moved through me. I had doubts that she was really into me but the feeling of those doubts slipping away is just wonderful. Very excited to see what comes of this!

No. 300163

I think my issue with straight-passing women is I'm not butch so waiting for them to approach is mutual. I wonder how many lesbians who present similar to me just assume I'm straight and don't bother. I've tried "flagging" to signal but it makes me look like a quirky straight girl. I wish I could be butch or into butches (I'm not against the prospect, I've just never saw one I was into), but it's really not for me.

No. 300165

I'm considered femme and will just got out of a relationship recently, I'm not currently looking but if I was I already made a plan to let people know I'm interested. I can wear a small bracelet on my wrist to show off I'm lesbian. Maybe a rainbow bracelet or something like that, if they say I like your bracelet I then take that as a sign to let them know I'm lesbian. I haven't tried it out yet and I'm looking for a bracelet since I really don't like rubber bands but they're out there for you to look at. Good look anon.

No. 300168

Might be a good idea to just approach any woman you feel interested in. If your gut tells you "there's something about her" just follow through and strike up a conversation. Even if she's not gay you gain the possibility of becoming friends with an interesting woman, so there's nothing to lose

No. 300184

Maybe it's just me but when I see those bracelets or pins or whatever I always assume bihet tryna score some cool points and I avoid them like the plague, kek. I agree with >>300168 that you should just approach women who give you that feeling of something more. There's a learning curve, but you gotta get practice somehow.

No. 300185

I'll keep that in mind when I'm open to dating again.thanks again.

No. 300186


No. 300189

What about the lesbian colors? I want to make a labrys with white pink orange gemstones in it. Does that scream bihet? lol

No. 300194

I tend to have no problem with compliments, but flirting when I don't know gives me war flashbacks since straight women have been vicious homophobes in my experience. One woman was nice but literally had a boyfriend and I felt bad.

I'm not the type to worry about politics stuff but I always wondered if wearing something with the pink and orange flag would make actual lesbians think I'm one of those tiktokkers who identify as a lesbian to be counterculture. I prefer colors more and I don't connect with the axe flag, even if it's a good "signal". Maybe I should look into a necklace of it. Rainbows are nice but they're too broad due to corporate stuff.

No. 300196

Labrys is based as fuck! I always give the nod or say hi to women I see with a labrys (got a labrys patch myself on my lucky leather jacket and it's a great conversation starter). I'm neutral to the lesbian flag with orange, pink and white. I don't hate it, I just think it's a lil goofy for the pink for femmes, orange for butches thing. That being said it doesn't scream bihet to me. It just seems to be a flag/colour scheme that's popular with younger lesbians these days.

No. 300200

Idkk I agree with anons above, any sort of attempt at signaling with pride colors automatically rubs me the wrong way. I’d say certain fashion choices are better signals, like wearing blundstones or dressing kinda tomboyish. I flirted with a femme woman at the store the other day and could tell she was gay not just by the flirtatious nature of our conversation, but also by the gay-ass little chain she had around her neck lol. Oh, and her short fingernails. Idk. I think the focus should always be on having an enjoyable conversation and the flirtation will arise from there if it’s meant to

No. 300201

File: 1668902176813.png (331.02 KB, 489x361, Screenshot 2022-11-19 154828.p…)

Ahh I didn't know the tiktokers were making it popular. Maybe I'll do rainbow/multicolored or black and purple then. Thanks for the advice.

No. 300202

ayrt yeah I agree about the rainbow stuff. It's too bad how times have changed. You're right I dress "girly" most of the time but also wear doc martens or oxfords. My ex used to say my mannerisms are tomboyish like walking with a swagger. But I feel like when I was hitting other chapsticks/butch women up in conversations they didn't know if I was just some straitcurious chick or just being nice. I guess I'll have to be more bold when I'm looking next time.

No. 300207

Yeah, that's why I avoid it (also I'm way too old for that), but I don't really know how to signal since a lot of stereotypical looks aren't my style since I'm neither butch nor femme. I guess I'm chapstick and prefer others like that too, but I know a lot of straight women who present like I do. I remember thinking a coworker of mine was a lesbian because I saw her at another store with a woman that dressed similar to me, but she actually had a husband and kids, lmao. When I wear my hair up with flannel, I get guys hitting on me instead. I'm probably just going to try being more daring personality-wise or something, but I hate how I feel like a "fake gay" for not fitting into these boxes so easy. I used to love the idea of being those people that you can't tell is gay unless they say so, but it feels like being in a closet in itself (I'm only out to people I'm close to).

No. 300210

does this board rly need like 5 different men i want to fuck threads

No. 300256

Honestly as a butch I feel like the one lucky thing about being obviously gay is that women feel safe approaching me as they know I'm anything but straight. The only thing is that in the past few years I've been asked more and more about goddamn pronouns. The kindest compliment I ever had was a straight woman at work telling me she knew I wasn't FTM because I wear nice suits that actually fit me and I co-ordinate my outfits well, kek.

If it keeps the bisexuals from starting flame wars in here every time we mention a problem we've experienced with them, then yes, for the love of God let them fawn over their moids.

No. 300263

AYRT, yeah, that's why I really wish I could be butch or even femme so I'd have a pool of women I can look out for and know are likely gay. My attempt at having a butch phase when I first came out (because I thought it was the only way I could "be myself" personality-wise and attract the women I tend to like) was a travesty, lmao. I understand lesbian culture is important but it's alienating how the local scenes still revolve around it when I don't fit into any of it.

No. 300267

File: 1668955930903.jpg (39.02 KB, 629x450, peak lesbian.jpg)

>sunset flag too zoomer
Nah, I'm in my 30s and any kinda lesbian flag will make me think nothing more about the other person besides "gay". You can't invent people/situations in your heads and then take measures against them ad nauseam. Just wear some kind of flag if you're so femme that you never get clocked as gay. It's not a big deal. I'd also say "subtle" shit like orange and pink gems in a bracelet would be way too subtle. I'm not gonna decode the colors on your bangle, I'm gonna glance your way maybe once and move on.

No. 300281

Yes nonny, I've got a shrine and everything.

No. 300363

Do any other anons here deal with badly internalised homophobia?
How do you cope?
I feel very alone and disgusting.

No. 300364

I'm short and uncomfortable presenting feminine but then all I attract is enby4enby types. what am I supposed to do

No. 300366

Sometimes I get feelings of internalized homophobia where I wish things were different. I was pretty plagued by it over the summer. Meeting and crushing on a cute girl recently shook those feelings right out of me, and I remember how intense my attractions are towards women and how utterly powerless I am to them. I don’t believe there’s anything that can change innate attraction, so we might as well accept and embrace ourselves. “Accept the things you cannot change” serenity prayer etc

No. 300436

I'm still not fully over mine but first, train yourself to stop feeding your homophobic thoughts. Literally just take your mind off that track by doing something else that takes up a lot of your attention, whether its blasting music, working out, etc.

Then after you can reliably stop the thought process, start analyzing the homophobia horse to death. Takes a while to pay off. Is the main root source of it religious? Family anxiety? Etc? Dissect it to see why the cause say homosexuality is bad, and explain to yourself why the cause (or at least, that specific part of it) is total horseshit. If it gets too much then just stop and move on to something else.

e.g source: family anxiety
-> my parents are homophobic and would see my homosexuality as spiteful post-teenage rebelliom. They might threaten me and retract all support (basic needs, emotional, financial, etc) to try to "steer me to the right path." They might beat me or make me cry for me being a lesbian. Part of it might be them lashing out in their worry that I'm "choosing" the hard way in life, because they ultimately just want me to be safe and successful.
-> My parents being raised to be deeply misguided about what I am is not my fault, and I can't live to suffer to make them happy. Their current imagined ideal future for me is one where I'm at least in a loveless marriage and financially tied up with a man, which always poses a risk of some sort of abuse (physical, sexual, emotional, verbal, financial, etc). It's unfair and unreasonable that they would take out their anger and worry on me, but the fault is not mine for coming out. I not only deserve happiness, but am/will work towards a future where I will be happy. For my personal safety, I might hold off on coming out (if I decide to) until I'm independent and have my own crash mat and savings if things go nuclear. But I'm a lesbian and that is a morally neutral fact. [insert happy lesbian daydreams here]

No. 300437

oh my god this is so long. sorry everyone, I tried to be concise and not sperg

No. 300537

No. 300538


No. 300558

It's like I have this voice in my head telling me I'm disgusting. Every time I see a cute girl on the street and feel attracted, I'm instantly reminded that she would be grossed out by me checking her out and even the worst most lecherous and aloof moid would be more appealing to her than my gay ass. That's pretty much how I cope, I'm just memeing myself into accepting that I will die alone and wouldn't deserve love anyway so I don't even try.

Another form of internalized homophobia that I have is that I'm a gold star lesbian and never have had sex with a man or even tried, so all the "maybe you just don't know what you're missing out on" talk has gotten to me. What if they're right? What if I'm just a misguided straight woman who confuses her intense feelings of attraction to women as love instead of some other form of admiration? Maybe I should just "find the right dick" to fix me? Even though I've never been attracted to men and trying to feels like mixing oil with water? I'm a butch and I've been told all my life to grow out of it, to learn how to be a proper woman or just transition, maybe I'm just one of those embarrassing Aidens who got stuck in their tomboy yaoi phase? All these thoughts despite me loving women so much, being turned on by them exclusively? I daydream about having a lovely wife I could spend the rest of my life with, the only thing I feel for men is pure jealousy of what they have to remain in the romantic proximity of women.

I'm rambling here but I have trouble collecting my thoughts, it feels like my head is just full of static and I can't make sense of anything. I love and hate being gay at the same time.

No. 300624

You didn’t ramble. I understand you. Like you would only see women in that special way but you still have a niggling feeling that you’re just a broken woman. It’s hard to not internalise what society taught you.

No. 300630

>top? bottom? how do you feel about those labels?
These concepts make no sense in lesbian relationships. What are they even supposed to mean? Do top women never get eaten out or mastubated by their partners? If they do, why are they called tops then?

No. 300636

Top/bottom don't mean stone, to answer your question. Not very useful terms since most lesbians are "verse" however.

No. 300646


I hate how it took me into my late 20s to realize this. So many people online larping as lesbians touting straight/gay sex to baby dykes. And all the books on lesbians written by polilez saying the same shit.

I remember that reddit true lesbians and how every once in awhile posters would say how our spaces are filled with polilez and they'd be called crazy but it's true and it's always been this way.

No. 300647

As a stem4butch I truly hate hearing this. There's nothing broken about you girl and I don't need to know you to know that.mI understand your feelings however and wish there was something I could say that could make you feel better, but the truth is that it sounds like you have a lot on the inside that needs healing and you're thinly one in the world who could do it. I just want to tell you that you're worthy of love and I truly hope you find it someday. If not from another woman, from yourself.

Also, i threw away my gold star out of curiosity and although the experience wasn't great I don't regret it for a second. My experience with men only showed me just how gay I really am. I don't think everyone needs to experiment like I did but if you ever do there's nothing wrong with it, life is short, and nobody really cares about gold stars. Dick doesn't "fix" anything

No. 300660

My sister recently told me that she feels hurt that I never open up to her about lesbian stuff. And now that I'm single I've been ranting to her more about the loneliness, trannys, bi chicks/ straightbians/ genzers trying to commodify and change what a lesbian is ect. And today I was telling her how I wanted to reach out to my ex because I feel so alone (this is after going to lchat and seeing men/bi's calling themselves butches and only sharing femme chicks with short hair and makeup as what butches look like/ should look like.) So she was like not listening to me talk and I brought up that she told me she wanted me to talk more about myself. And she said if I knew it was going to be this and just a lot of hate for other minorities and things I don't get I wouldn't have said that. And it's like what the fuck did you think it was sunshine and rainbows and shenanigans with flamboyant gay men?

No. 300661

> "hate for other minorities"
wow she really wasn't listening… you've been talking about the hate YOU get from other minorities all this time and she's blaming you for it. I'm sorry man :( it sucks to know that the ppl we love/vice versa aren't willing/able to reach back when we reach out. Makes me wonder wtf 'lesbian stuff' was she expecting??

No. 300664

Thanks, Nonnie and exactly she was a major fag hag when we were in high school and is still pretty male-centered. She still thinks I'm being too bigoted and harsh to "transwomen". So I don't know why I was expecting more. I'm glad there's at least here where you guys understand it. Thanks for replying nonnie I won't hit my ex up lol.

No. 300672

>they’d be called crazy
Yeah, because r/truelesbians too was filled with polilezzes

No. 300673

File: 1669195381602.jpg (112.98 KB, 740x1035, RQdRUqN.jpg)

oooo a former tl-er! I was new to online spaces back then and didn't know any better. Now that I'm 30 I feel like I should be doing something for the babies. I think if I had guidance or others to relate to online life would have been a lot easier. I keep thinking of that statistic that homosexuals live 12 years less than heterosexuals. Like again it's 2022 and we don't really have any role models or media it's just crazy. Ellen Degeneres why aren't you spending your money making lesbian movies for us??

No. 300679

File: 1669201000691.jpg (428.26 KB, 1080x923, 1665100682109809.jpg)

It's like the 4th girl in a row that cancels our date because she had a sudden epiphany/visit from her ex. How's it that it's so hard to find someone without emotional/psychological baggage or exes they're still into? I've been trying to date slightly older women, but I'm not seeing any more maturity than I would when I was younger and dating early 20s girls. It's so weird. Do lesbians legitimately become undateable once they had a long term relationship?

No. 300693

We love women very deeply okay!

No. 300706

How older? Because I'm out of college and a lot of women in the late 20s-early 30s range are flaky too in my experience. Not to mention older women who are open to or mostly date younger tend to be horribly immature and can't attract women their age for a reason. I already posted my horror stories about them in this thread though, lmao.

No. 300712

It's because >>300693
Lol I still am in love with my ex so that's why I am not dating. I don't want to put anyone through my bullshit until it's sorted out.

No. 300743

I enjoy the female fantasies thread and am very sexual myself but the "female celebrities that you find attractive" one tends to disturb me. Objectifying and sexualizing female celebrities and talking about their breasts is such moidbrained behavior and doesn't sit right with me seeing how much women are already being valued by their looks and attractiveness and how often it's a bihet dogwhistle with the skinwalking/admiration angle. Does anyone else feel the same or are people just going to sperg at me for being a cottagecore handholding polilez? I often struggle with being horny but also as a woman knowing how much it sucks to be reduced into a piece of meat I prefer to daydream on my own without lewd "locker room talk" about other, existing women.

No. 300745

Imo it's just a way to differentiate between sexually dominant and sexually submissive, like >>300636 said it's not synonymous with being a stone. Tops are more aggressive and straightforward with sexual acts and bottoms enjoy being subjected to them.

No. 300762

Kek I agree but I'm also modest/ was raised in religion so it could be that too. Definitely, bihet dog whistle, when I was in the spicy straight thread one nonnie kept saying "lick a pussy" and "just eat a pussy or shut up" over and over and after a while it was like what? Is this a dude? I think we were kind of brought up to tiptoe on the line of appreciating women sexually/ being a predator pervert. Sucks that polilez/society have also kind of shunted lesbians for owning our sexuality too… Or taken it from us and made it dirty/for men's eyes. It's very complicated when it's shouldn't be. BUT I do think bisexual/straight women don't understand this and do love to act like the predators/pervert for kicks.

Maybe it's just me and how I express my sexuality but when I was looking at "hot butch/tomboy pictures" compilations it was mostly looking at it like I can't wait to have a partner like this or happy that there are other lesbians out there living their life. And the blue moon that I looked up porn I wasn't watching it to get off mostly just a way to visualize what I would like to do with a partner in the future. When one of the women was caressing the other one's head lovingly while she was getting eaten out I actually started crying kek. I want a caring partner like that in the future! But I understand this can also be being a woman too and how we need a story to get off not just a picture of a naked women? Unless there are lesbians that can get off with random pictures of women?

I don't know how to word this correctly but I've always thought that there's a kind of mental illness faux bisexuality. I know that sounds really fucked up to say when being a lesbian was considered a mental illness. But I think bpd-chans and trannys trying bisexuality is only because it's a new taboo/extreme that they can get off too/feel something. Like Mylie Cyrus's rebellion phase. Same with how pornsick men and women have become and women adopting the male gaze and viewing women as objects and talking like men in how they see women.

No. 300778

This is going to be a specific vent, but do any artfag nonnas here ever feel like they have to draw only women to be taken as a legitimate lesbian in an art space? It feels really bad, like I can't draw different subjects, it has to always be women or related to being a 'wlw' somehow. I've had art mutuals stop talking to me over this when I wanted to draw some male characters I had.

No. 300786

To be honest, I think they're either extremely closed minded or they are the type of "wlw" that aren't actually lesbians.

In either case, what you draw does not in the slightest dictate your lesbianism or anything else. If you want to draw male characters or DBZ guys or nothing but digimon you should do that. If people stopped talking to you over that, the problem is not with you. No one should control your art or behavior and no one should call your lesbianism of all things, into question because of what you draw.

I mostly have and draw male characters and I'm a lesbian, have never been anything else and would never be. The only males I like are my characters.

Don't let others stop you. It's not fair to you.

No. 300787

I wanted to add that being forced to draw nothing but "wlw" or female characters is extremely performative and I would look harder at those artists than at myself, we're I in your position.

No. 300789

I'm the same. I mostly drew male characters from shows I like, but it's because the characters personality. The only women characters I like to draw are my ocs and also divine mythological ladies lol.

No. 300794

Is it bad that I only like giving and not receiving in sex? My girlfriend is thankfully into it (tho she’s tried a few things on me) Making her feel good is just way more satisfying to me. I also have a really hard time orgasming at all so I’m worried I’ve just convinced myself that I don’t like receiving since it takes so long and is so difficult to get off for me at all that I’ve stopped even trying. Anyway. I’ve heard people say that’s being a stone butch, but I’m not even that masculine so I’m just stone in the sexual sense I guess. I also probably have lots of religious stuff to work through too haha.

No. 300796

these posts makes me want to kill myself. thanks

No. 300800

Then rope. If single lesbians can talk freely about loneliness and isolation (not hating, I've been there, it sucks and you absolutely should be able to talk to others about it) ITT then those of us in relationships should be able to share our joy without getting guilt-tripping, suicide-baiting replies.

No. 300803

It's "bad" in that there is a spectrum of sensations you're abstaining from. Whether those sensations are important is entirely up to you. I do think that you can slowly explore receiving if you let go of the requirement of climax. There is absolutely no such requirement, you can just enjoy closeness while receiving and use that as a little break for when your arm/tongue gets tired from giving. One of the most fun parts of being "verse" is that you can keep taking turns and have sex for an ungodly amount of time but it's just really relaxing and hot. My gf was one of those "only likes to give, takes too long to orgasm" types (not butch either) and it took us a while to figure her out but the first thing we did was to stop putting pressure on her and just taking turns enjoying ourselves. We're now at a point where she cums way faster than me and I know how to eat her just right. It's not just my individual skill improving though, she also learned to let go. Especially if you have religious baggage, there will be a ton of trust in your partner as well as internal work to do but you can do it. I've touched on this topic before in one of the older threads but thinking of your sex life as all intimate touch and even glances rather than fucking in bed can do wonders. Your sexual satisfaction encompasses your whole connection with your woman, not just when you're inside each other. Sensuality is a very vast world.

That being said having my gf thrash and melt in my mouth and praise me after VS her stiffly shriveling away saying "I'm taking too long" has filled me with pride. It's a wonderful experience, coming out of my shell and helping her come out of hers. Just for each other, we're vulnerable.

Lesbian joy is what changed my life. I'm with you.

I'm an artfag who only draws female characters and I honestly avoid following anyone who draws men. I just find them ugly as fuck to look at, I wouldn't question anyone's sexuality over it (unless she draws literal porn) but I simply do not want to see that shit in my spare time. I draw both sexes professionally as my industry would never let me only draw GNC women like I want kek.

I'm curious, do you ever genderbend them? I agree that male characters are more often allowed to be interesting but I realized that I love to see female versions in art despite hating male worship.

No. 300804

File: 1669297843294.png (1.5 MB, 960x670, 923E915D-F0BD-46F3-9FA1-19EC91…)

This actually helps a lot. I guess I should focus less on the goal of orgasm. I’m just scared of making my gf feel inadequate and then the anxiety I think is making it harder for me in general. I’ll try and loosen up. Thanks nonna!

No. 300805

I've always felt that the people who want to act as if lesbianism is synonymous with complete female separatism are extremely insecure about their sexuality. Me being a lesbian means I love and desire women exclusively, not that I'm attempting to live some XX-only life pretending men don't exist despite me having a father, brother, male cousins, friends, coworkers and people I meet on the street that all affect my life in some way that isn't romantic or sexual, and not to mention how fictional men aren't real and me drawing them doesn't mean I lust after them. I have a ton of bishounen male OCs that I draw because I just like sharing them with other women who are interested in them and it doesn't make me any less of a lesbian than someone who only draws women.

No. 300806

Not gonna lie to you, I had to do work on my end to stop making her orgasms about me. It would fuck her up if I made her experiences about my skill. There were a couple of times I got visibly demoralized actually, but I saw what it did to her and I dropped that shit immediately. Your partner needs to be mature as well, she needs to learn that sex is a form of communication and not the fucking olympics. I posted about people pursuing dates to prove their worth upthread, this is like that. You don't have sex to prove your prowess, it's to truly know someone, to become one entity for just a little while.

No. 300811

NTAYRT and I don't want to derail, but I've always found it so interesting (and by that, I mean fucking annoying) how lesbians are expected to separate even FICTIONAL men from our lives. I'll never in my life touch or look at a man romantically or sexually and even the idea makes me feel sick, but I can draw male characters and feel just fine about it because… they aren't real. I feel like people, in their quest to politicize everything related to women, forget that lesbianism is in its most basic form characterized by exclusive same sex attraction, nothing more, nothing less. I could draw a million male characters and it would never change the fact that I'm only into pussy.

Maybe if you bettered yourself instead of crying over anonymous forum posts you could get a girlfriend who loves you.

No. 300833

Yes, I actually do genderbend them and come up with really cute outfits. I really like it hahaha. And it's strange because the porn I do draw is only two women but the lesbian art is more how to say detailed and pretty.

No. 300846

File: 1669319834908.jpg (59.05 KB, 564x564, 1646198990322.jpg)

Original artfag anon here and thank you so much nonnas… I feel a lot better about just drawing whatever I want now. I never felt self conscious about it until I had people who I thought were my friends start being rude, and I guess I got in my own head about it. I'm going to look for some chill art friends that don't give a shit instead.

No. 300915

just wanted to chip in but I try to draw all kinds of things because people just interest me in general. That being said I do end up drawing a lot of women mainly because the range of women I want to see doesn't really exist in popular media so I end up drawing a lot of that.

I wouldn't judge a lesbian for drawing men though lol like another anon said unless you're drawing porn? Then I don't see why anyone would question you on it… seems weird.

No. 300928

I think I'm no longer going to try and find a nonanon lesbian community online. I don't think politics and lesbians will ever be separated online and the best thing I can do for myself is be out when I move out (religious parents) and find normie lesbians that know nothing or don't care about any/all this discourse online. I grew up on the internet and I know it has impacted how I viewed myself as a lesbian etc. and lately I've been realizing that it's just my sexuality nothing more nothing less. I can't change anything and I should work on cultivating the things in front of me in real life.

No. 300968

as a lonely lesbian i enjoy lot more reading about nice relationship posts than the usual insane depressing shit you see here i usually avoided this thread because it made me feel like lesbians are all alone all angry and all insane

No. 300973

Be the content you wish to see!

No. 300974

AYRT, I know how you feel. Though I wasn't the anon the suicide-baiter responded to, as a married woman I've often felt like I shouldn't share my happiness in here because no one cares and people just want to vent about being alone. I just know that had that anon said that in response to something I posted, I'd actually feel a bit hurt by it. I did start out politely, try a "with all due respect you're being overdramatic" approach, but I just thought… "nah, be honest". I was half expecting a ban for saying "then rope" kek. When I was single though, I found hearing about happy couples helped keep me optimistic. Moping about being "forever alone" obliterates your confidence and is just a shitty way to live in general. We need to be kinder to ourselves and remember that lesbian joy is real and achievable. I'm not saying never vent about loneliness and isolation, in fact it's important to get that out of your system, but there's gotta be a balance in life, y'know? I've been a blackpilled loner and the bitterness affected my physical health and my relationships with friends and family. It's just not worth it. Even if you'll be single for the rest of your life - why waste it being bitter?

No. 300992

Good luck. I wish relatively apolitical lesbian spaces were easy to find. The IRL one I found on Meetup is on the "queer" side, which frustrates me, but I've also had an awful time with second wave related spaces too.

No. 301005

Based response, honestly. This is coming from someone who is lonely and gets depressed over seeing relationship stuff, but I also have the decency to ignore it. AND I actually really hate seeing blackpilled moping over single-ness too. I had friends who do it constantly and it's insufferable to deal with. It's like no wonder you're single, you make no effort to present yourself better (and suggestions to get better are shut down with "But-") and revolve your self worth over a relationship. I understand wanting companionship is near-universal but it's also messed up how (many, not all) women of all sexualities see a relationship as an end goal or meaning of life. Something I had to learn as someone with little dating opportunities is to enjoy my life and find worth in myself, by myself.

Sorry for the mini rant. I do wish some kind of private space for advice on where to find healthy connections for lesbians existed, I personally get cagey talking about personal stuff or asking advice out of paranoia of being deanoned. I used to idealize moving away and moving to a big, liberal city in a blue state, but reading lesbian groups show that both conservative and liberal areas have their problems with existing as a lesbian in them. I wish there were places I could securely talk about that. And even if I personally avoid romantic gushing (I'm the nonnie with a crush on a taken lesbian and I have to bury away the resentment), I do want to know about how they met to "take notes."

No. 301018

>advice on how to find healthy connections
Well, you have to be a healthy person to make healthy connections. That's really the core of it. Unhealthy people don't make good choices in partners and don't offer great things for their partners. The "where" part isn't so important though it's still better odds at a city; it's a numbers game and the numbers are in cities. Big cities in the West tend to lean left. The tranny/queer menace is not quite overblown but it's still better odds of finding a gf who isn't crazy in a city due to the sheer amount of us that converge in them. The lesbian groups are full of doomers and blackpilled lesbians who grew up rural that think being asked pronouns is the worst thing that can happen to a person. They're ignoring the sheer amount of lesbians they could meet just because their lives revolve around paranoia about queerios. In my opinion anyway, I don't see how a dating pool of like 100 people at most is supposed to be better than the literal thousands of women in a city that you could be dating.

I'm a bit tired so this is kinda rambly, hope that made a modicum of sense.

No. 301029

AYRT I was speaking in general, but I've actually been slowing becoming a better version of myself, and I'm very happy and excited about it. I don't live in a city or somewhere left-leaning (it's more centrist-y when it comes to the beliefs of who live there, but the politicians are a different story) though, which is my problem. I'm not going to be a femcel about it, though, because that just puts out more toxic energy in myself and onto others.

No. 301058

AYRT and
>enjoy my life and find worth in myself, by myself
Is the best mindset you can have, IMO. I've mentioned it before in this thread and got miserable replies about how as a married woman I shouldn't say that to single people; as if I was born with a ring on my finger and haven't spent many years alone and fighting isolation. After asking my wife what first drew her to me, I know had I been in that dark mindset she would've rightfully avoided me like the plague. So would all the new friends I've made after crashing and burning with addiction.

No. 301118

AYRT. Exactly, and that's why I distance myself from annoying femcel related attitudes. Like I said, it's like all women assign our worth to relationships. I do think it's a natural want, but the fact I see even lesbians think that another person is the only thing that will bring light or meaning to our life is so fucked up. It's a toxic mindset I internalized too and I even planned on killing myself if I was "still single" by the age I am, but I haven't. But the fact I've had other friends say they would do the same thing fucks me up. I really wish resources for thriving without relationships existed for their sakes so they can grow the fuck up.

No. 301155

What straight cow do you think is a lesbian? I feel like Mrs Midwest is a major lesbo

No. 301178

Weird post maybe but I wonder if some have been in a similar situation. I'm studying in a hardcore field so I almost have no time to take care of myself and I can actually go out 1 time per month on average, and I kind of find myself romantically stuck ? I would love to have a girlfriend but I can't really hangout in dating places and let's not even talk about my school kek (at least I'm lucky the guys noticed I'm not date-able). For now I'm just working on my social skills but it's strange to find yourself stuck in a situation for a few years where you mentally maturing but can't explore your romantic side. Love to all in the thread

No. 301179

I dropped out of school at 15 and my mother told me either get a job or go back so I got a tattoo apprenticeship. On top of studying the art I was also cleaning the place top to bottom and running errands. I worked 8-12 hour days at least 5 days a week and I did that until I had enough talent and recognition to relax my schedule a bit at 23ish. I did have a girlfriend but we were like ships passing in the night and we were on-off because of my schedule killing the romance, I was a total zombie on my days off with no energy to go out. I know how you feel because I finally got away from my emotionally incestuous mother and spread my wings, but I was trapped by the demands of my apprenticeship and being a dogsbody for the shop. It's a very bizarre feeling and a lot of stress, like a lot of tattoo artists I kept it together with drugs and booze. I hope you have a healthy outlet, because you need it. I can't offer you any advice but at least in a few years time you will be reaping the rewards of studying so hard. Relationships come and go but studying for a good job can set you up for life. Best of luck, nona. Stay strong.

No. 301182

File: 1669555338314.jpg (34.97 KB, 462x241, 28399393938_.jpg)

I'm living this rn. I started a new job that's taking up all my time (10-11 hours every day) and by the time I get home I don't feel like going back out or interacting with anyone on apps. I really do want to start dating but I feel like I won't have the extra time/energy to put into a relationship as it deserves. I wish I could meet someone at work but almost all my coworkers are scrotes and it's not really a job that you can talk that often anyway. Though a new girl started working there that I suspect could be gay (I hate to assume but dresses very masc and her mannerisms;but I haven't asked her outright) I was hopeful but we work opposite shifts and in different departments so I don't think we'll be interacting much. Sucks but I guess I'll be using the excuse that I'm working on myself' again even if that's not really why Im single kek

Also nonnies, how do handle the awkward conversations with family members that assume you should be dating a guy around the holidays?

No. 301184

>Also nonnies, how do handle the awkward conversations with family members that assume you should be dating a guy around the holidays?
When I was closeted I would just fall back on manhate. "well I would like a bf but men today are so weak/abusive/etc". That would usually trigger another female family member to start ranting about men and take the heat off me. Now I'm out I still get the odd homophobe ask me about men (even though I have a wife) and I just tell them to fuck off, kek.

No. 301195

Is lack of experience a red flag? Im a lesbian, and i wont get into ranting about my situation, but long story short im a 21 y/o kissless virgin lmao.

Ive been talking to a lot of women on dating apps recently and the only one that this topic came up with was an asexual girl, who also lacked experience, but sex is definitely something really important to me. I have to stop myself from just hooking up with some random bi curious girl to get it over with because i know that's not how i want to lose my virginity. i feel like it's just so hard for me to actually get close to people.

No. 301196

I'm also 21/a virgin and feel the same way. You have your own views and values towards sex and you shouldnt feel ashamed in wanting to stick to them

No. 301200

I'm 29 and turning 30 next year and im a khv. I think sex for me is really important so I need to feel comfortable and in love to do so. I've only had unrequited love thus far and they have tried to pressure me for sex but I knew if the other person didn't love me then I won't do it. It's good to hold yourself to your own standards and you'll love yourself for it since you stood by your principles and followed your own will. If my partner made fun of me for lack of experience it's not someone for me then.

No. 301205

21 is way too young for me but I honestly don't understand why inexperience is so frowned upon. Lesbians statistically come out later and are 1-2% of the population, the numbers aren't always in our favor. Even for those who realized or came out early (I did as a teenager), I was the only lesbian at my school, and growing up Christian gave me a lot of guilt about it that I didn't date in my 20s. Most of us don't have the same opportunities as straight people.

No. 301259

Virgin as well. I’m convinced I just won’t find anyone for me in this college town because everyone on tinder is bisexual (and I’m not fully convinced bisexual women truly see me as a potential partner after a truly terrible date where she talked about men who were flirting with her and “he’s really cute what should I do??”. The lesbians are all theythems and I think it would be truly exhausting to play the pronoun game with them.

No. 301263

I've been talking to a woman who has both she/her and they/them pronouns listed in bio and I'm seriously hoping that it's just a misguided concession to the gender specials (I live in a very liberal pro-kweer city) because she's butch. I've definitely had the "I could fix her" thought because we have a lot of interests and long-term wants in common. I know, I'm a fool.

No. 301293

The pronouns could be to blend in. People are VERY scrutinous with making sure you're capitulating to the gender cult online, so you have to make some concessions sometimes to exist in those spaces. This all goes double as a butch because we're more often than not assumed to be terven because heaven forbid you don't like feminine things for yourself, and then you get dweeby women messaging you something like "omg you're so hot but what are your pronouns?" nearly every day and it can be draining. I know plenty of butches and masc women who put pronouns on apps because of these reasons. That being said, I wouldn't go in to full-blown "I can fix her" mode just yet. Talk to her about current events and segue into gender related topics to gauge her reaction to them. Hell, mention Harry Potter, that alone is enough to make the worst ones seethe. You're not a fool, anon. We've all been in situations like this. Good luck!

No. 301299

NTA but I sometimes play the pronoun game too to blend in with gendersnowflakes and not be clocked as "the enemy". A lot of women who are otherwise indifferent to queer/trans politics will just say "oh, she/her or she/they I guess" since everyone does it.

No. 301327

Oh, I’m talking about the women who only have they/them in their bio (I’ve even seen ones that say t4t while being obviously feminine women, lmao)

No. 301338

Then may Christ be with you because those women are in deep with the cult.

No. 301349

Thank you Nona, I'm happy to see someone who has come out of this phase. I'm lucky I have very supportive parents, and I'm just coping with bad food instead of drugs. Best luck to you too, tattoo artist is an hard job.

No. 301359

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These two (kamnara is an influencer where I’m from and her girlfriend is the more tan long hair one) are just perfect to me. They seem so genuinely happy and perfectly suited for one another. I have a giant crush on Kamnaras partner. She skates surfs and builds things, and has amazing hands. They give me hope tbh.

No. 301361

They have a nice house. Happy for them

No. 301368

This makes me wonder, given the absolute tragic state of the lesbian dating pool, how many of us would give in and entertain the company of a gendie, and to what degree?
I recently had a one night stand with a they/them and it was great. I was down for it because it's not like I'm going to marry her or anything, wasn't that deep. Would something like that be a hard boundary for some of you though?

No. 301375

I understand the bad food. I was like Tony Soprano slamming my way through cupboards and the fridge to find something quick to eat when I worked those hours. I'm no longer a tattoo artist though for a few reasons, the hours being one of them. My marriage simply wouldn't survive it. I now work with addiction charities doing stuff like office work, fundraising, awareness campaigns, holding interventions, etc. It's where my passion is and even though the pay is much less I wouldn't change it for the world.

I had a FWB situation with a "trans man" when she was in the process of a detransitioning. It was ok because I'm in to hyper masc women and we had a good friendship where we shared terven values, but I don't think I could sustain a true relationship with any sort of gendie. Hearing people call her "him" when we were sleeping together was surreal, and as a butch my proximity to her increased my thoughts of transitioning myself. Even though she was detransitioning she still passed most of the time and I saw that respect she got as a "male" and envied her for it. I hated being seen as a failed woman, an ungodly creature far too muscular and masculine to be respected as a female in any capacity. It was a total mindfuck. After ghosting that friend circle and finding friends in women like me I slowly learned to accept myself again. I think any lesbian - butch, femme, whatever - dating a gendie would face similar problems as we're the least cool letter in the alphabet soup. We're the dragons of the community, the inflexible who refuse to call ourselves "queer", the ones most suspected to be TERFs. Dating a gendie would be like slow poisoning yourself.

No. 301391

I could very easily date a detrans woman or a gendie planning on detransitioning (I don't mind the effects of T, I have PCOS and tbh it'd be cute if we could shave our lady beards together) but I'm too stubborn to go along with the "I am literally male because postmodernism" LARP. The idea of coming out to my family again as 'straight' and introducing a female as my 'he/him boyfriend' makes me cringe. Also TIMs and queers aren't allowed in my house and TIFs are always friends with those types.

Would definitely hook up with one if I liked casual sex though.

No. 301393

I find the extremes of both sides really annoying, but there's only so much I can tolerate in my private life. Most women where I live don't do hook-ups or FWBs except the tenderqueer crowd, and even if I don't want to settle down, I'd like to have some common ground with someone I'm that intimate with. I had a gender phase that 100% stemmed from internalized lesbophobia and PTSD from abuse that made me want to be anything except a woman (I'm not butch, I was closer to those "agendered" types), and it would trigger me to be with someone in the same headspace I was in from that time. It's like how I wouldn't date someone deeply religious. I have friends who are of the "normie/centrist" opinion that "trans is valid, and I'll use their names and call them whatever, but they're not the same as someone actually born a man/woman" which I'd be fine with (this was my opinion before I peaked and most of them haven't peaked). I also don't care if a woman tries to blend in and plays the pronouns game like she/her or she/they or whatever, since I've done that too.

No. 301408

How are you this picky about bi girls while you're looking for serious dating partners on tinder?

No. 301413

Right? Its tinder.

No. 301414

AYRT, I’d say a majority of the women I’ve been on dates on were bi, but I am still more wary of them

No. 301428

I'm currently in the happiest relationship I've ever been in with a he/they pronoun user. I love her more than anything and calling her "he/him" or "my boyfriend" means absolutely nothing to me since she's so important to me. I know it's probably unfathomable to a lot of anons ITT, but I personally really don't mind. She's a manhater and agrees with a lot of my feminist views, and I'm open about being a TERF around her, so it's not like I'm hiding anything from her (which in that case, I'd never have chosen to be with her). I feel like dating or being friends with gendies is all a YMMV type of deal though, and I have a thing for TIFs so I'm heavily biased.

No. 301431

Is she cool with you misgendering her/not respecting her pronouns?

No. 301432


where do y'all meet women? i've had this issue with every dating app and site. there's no lesbian bars where i live and gay bars are infested with straight people. i don't mind actual bisexual women but a lot of them don't seem to see women as serious partners or are just experimenting (which is also whatever, i just do not like investing my time into someone who isn't sure of their sexuality and they aren't up front about it).

No. 301436

AYRT I read the post I was responding to, my post, and your post out loud to her (to get her answer) and she said:
"I don't really mind because I know that's just how the world will always view me, so it's fine!" So yeah I'd say she doesn't care. I use her pronouns around her and our mutual TERF friends who also use her pronouns, but I tell her that I don't use them when I talk about her on Lolcow or to my coworkers/normie acquaintances.

No. 301437

Honestly, good for you. And I'm glad your partner has a healthier view on her identity than most transpeople.

No. 301438

I would entertain the he/they butches, especially because most I've interacted with had no problem just talking about being masculine women behind the scenes and we shared terfy opinions. The 'he' shit then kinda feels similar to feminine gay men calling each other 'she', not that serious. However I have trouble taking he/they hyperfeminine women seriously, it would feel silly in comparison to me being butch and not caring about pronouns and then I have to walk on eggshells calling someone who looks like Chrissy Chlapecka 'he' at risk of cancellation if I slip up. Plus they are generally the types who think if you're okay with she/her, you must love being a woman and have 0 dysphoria, so they tend to push femininity. Gendie butches generally have a more nuanced view and don't act like you have to change your pronouns to indicate how comfortable you are with feminine shit or whether life as a woman is tough or not.

No. 301446

As someone who is mostly interested in somewhat feminine women, I theoretically wouldn't mind one who uses "he" if it was in some sort of self-aware ironic way (aka not thinking it makes her a man or not female anymore). But I've never seen one like that, a lot of them seem to think they're some kind of man or a "non-woman masculine person" with a face full of makeup and skirt. Or I guess it's like the bio drag queen thing but with more mental gymnastics. Even when I was drinking the gender kool-aid I knew no one would see me as anything but a girl with pronouns.

No. 301447

Hobbies, clubs, exterior organizations. Maybe you have an LGBT group on campus. (Although I'd recommend finding someone from hobbies that aren't just "be gay"

Online dating is generally terrible, but I can definitely tell you as a bi women I almost never get asked on dates from lesbians, it's almost exclusively other bi women. I'm fine with that. (Lesbians give me a bit more of a chance in real life, at least as a person if not as a viable dating option.)

But now I just get quiet, slowly nursed crushes on the women in my hobbies, and it's great!

No. 301449

Honestly if I were in your position I would probably frequent the local gay bars. Even if they’re infested with straight people, that’s your best bet of finding other gay women irl, and you never know who might show up

No. 301507

NTA but same. Maybe I'm a NLOG but for lesbians but I like going to bars, I just don't like getting hit on by men. I wish there were nearby gay bars where I am because even if it was gay male-focused, at least that would deter 90% of straight men from it. There'd have to be some lesbians lurking within that space too for the same reasons.

No. 301550

Glad I'm not the only one, sometime I eat the silliest stuff for days. It's very hard work your doing, it ask for a lot of empathy and energy, I hope you and your wife well, spending time with our loved ones is so much greater than some extra disposable income.

No. 301563


AYRT and my thoughts exactly nonas - hoping she's just playing the pronoun game and isn't fully delusional. I guess the furthest I'd be willing to try and "fix" someone anyway is just by providing a positive example of a gnc lesbian confident in her own womanhood.
Really depends on how much the gendie believes in genderism. I have one female gendie friend who had a mastectomy and takes T and identifies as non-binary (yeah, I don't get it either) and I could not possibly date such a person because I'd go crazy tip-toeing around her all the time instead of just on the occasions we hang out. On the other hand, I'll definitely admit that TIFs are sometimes hot, so if I were into hook-ups I'd entertain the idea.

No. 301573

This is more me being a radfem but it makes me so happy when my bisexual friends turn febfem kek

No. 301581

Thank you, nona. It helps that I've been an addict myself so speaking to these people is like talking to a younger version of myself, sometimes. My wife also works with some of the same charities so it's nice to have this shared passion and a job where we can meet to have lunch or a coffee break together most days. Money be damned, this is the lifestyle for me.

I have my issues with how a lot of radfems present the febfem life tbh. It's not a key to a life free of abuse because the statistics are better. Shitty women exist. As someone who experienced both DV and sexual assault at the hands of a woman, I've always felt ignored by most radfems when it comes to that subject. I get that it's a hard thing to confront, especially with those statistics detractors bring up about lesbian DV where they misrepresented the data, but it's a disservice to younger women to not bring these things up.

No. 301584

>It's not a key to a life free of abuse because the statistics are better. Shitty women exist.
NTA but if anything, we often suffer of mental illness and personality disorders caused by minority stress and trauma from a life of homophobic experiences. My ex was a highly abusive textbook BPD-chan that left me traumatized and with emotional baggage that I still haven't unpacked and that has left me to be a volcel because I'm haunted by everything she said and did and never want to make myself emotionally vulnerable again. I know others who have had similar experiences too, but in the end it's because a lot of us gay women don't get the privilege of growing up in a safe and nurturing environment.

No. 301586

You're definitely right. In the past I've acted quite callously towards my partners for showing me affection in public because I've learnt the hard way that makes you a target for psycho moids. It's still no excuse for my actions though. That self-defence mechanism was deeply hurtful to the women I did that to. As a middle easterner I think it goes double for racial minorities that you will be marked by bigotry as our cultures are usually more violently homophobic (and misogynistic ofc). I don't believe any lesbian, regardless of background, grows up without the mark of homophobia - and often misogyny because of the "failed woman" mindset - changing them forever. Again I think it's something that isn't touched upon enough. We acknowledge the bigotry, sure. But not the responses it can evoke in us.

No. 301587

>As someone who experienced both DV and sexual assault at the hands of a woman, I've always felt ignored by most radfems when it comes to that subject. I get that it's a hard thing to confront, especially with those statistics detractors bring up about lesbian DV where they misrepresented the data, but it's a disservice to younger women to not bring these things up.
Relatable. I've only seen one Radfem talk about how female-on-female SA can kill solidarity between women. I've felt like an outsider to society for dealing with abuse from both sexes, and Radfems have never really engage when I talk about it, besides "that's just how men are, female abuse is so rare it's basically an outlier, society made them do that". It seems like a dirty secret because while it's not as rampant as the far right wants people to believe, it makes it hard to talk about or seek support for.

No. 301588

>We acknowledge the bigotry, sure. But not the responses it can evoke in us.
Very well said. I didn't get to experience all the teenage love and fooling around and learning valuable relationship skills like setting personal boundaries when I was younger because like many others I was in denial and thought I was just "saving myself for the right man", all the way to my late 20's when following a very long and painful journey of soul searching I finally accepted my sexuality. And besides that my family is homophobic and me being GNC has always been a magnet for aggression and disgust from the people around me. Judging from this thread alone it's a story as old as time and it makes me wonder how exactly we're supposed to grow up to be balanced and emotionally stable adults being subjected to all of this.

No. 301591

>It seems like a dirty secret because while it's not as rampant as the far right wants people to believe, it makes it hard to talk about or seek support for.
Exactly. They'll make you feel like you're the problem for bringing it up or tell you that hey! at least it's rare! It feels like being told to suck it up and suffer in silence. The "they did that because of society" excuse hurts the most though. The fact that anyone wants to defend these people feels like a betrayal of the worst kind when these women are telling you that they're your allies.

I know how you feel. Even before I realised I was gay I was under scrutiny for being GNC, I think for a lot of us, especially butches, that's where the damage starts. Even as a toddler I understood that I was being othered and something about me was inherently different. It's very hard to heal and grow, I know how you feel. Most people will say therapy but that made me worse. I got diagnosed with gender dysphoria after a long talk about the prejudice I faced for being butch and a lesbian. It sickens me that their "cure" for that was for me to troon out. Even now that I'm married I'm still not over all those experiences, and I don't think I ever will be. I think being a lesbian is a constant battle with society and yourself. Sometimes our own minds are the hardest to argue with. It's so easy to slip into the "maybe I really am a failed woman" mindset. It's also easy to turn to substance abuse to cope. Like I mentioned in an above post, I work with addiction charities. Gay people have a high rate of alcoholism and drug abuse. We get told as soon as we hit 18 (sometimes younger) "go to gay bars! you'll find acceptance there!" and that sets the roots of alcoholism for a lot of us. I could rant for weeks about how pride is now so corporatised it's just another excuse to sell us booze but I'll hold back. It's just… so frustrating. I still wish some days I was born a man so I could love women and dress masc without being a freak. I'm nearly 32 and still thinking about that same damn wish, I hate it. I hope you do heal and learn to cope though, nona. Never let anyone make you feel like you can't bring your abuse up. We owe it to ourselves to be honest and to vent the emotions building up inside of us. Be kind to yourself, I know it's hard, but try. ♥

No. 301592

One of my earliest memories is when as a kid I had to disguise myself as a boy just to be able to play with boys and do "boy things" and above all feel better about being attracted to girls. I "knew" I was a lesbian since childhood but denied it because in my environment it wasn't even an option. I don't think I'll ever be able to repair the damage all of this caused me.

>We get told as soon as we hit 18 (sometimes younger) "go to gay bars! you'll find acceptance there!" and that sets the roots of alcoholism for a lot of us.

For real. I thankfully dodged this bullet even though I was slipping into very unhealthy drinking habits, but ultimately having known people who died of drugs and alcoholism it kept me away from the partying scene, however getting wasted was (and is) the only way I could feel comfortable with flirting with other women or being more open about what I am. But even to this day (I'm your age btw) I still see people dealing with the aftermath of this path they were pushed to.

>I still wish some days I was born a man so I could love women and dress masc without being a freak.

Yeah, I deal with the fallout of gender dysphoria every single day of my life. I feel comfortable and confident dressing up in male clothes, get tons of compliments for pulling the look off but then I look myself in the mirror and the doubt sets in. Are they complimenting me just to be nice? Are they looking for some ally brownie points? Does everyone think I look like a cringy dyke who can never be a real man? And lo and behold, I'm spiraling again.

>Be kind to yourself, I know it's hard, but try. ♥

Thanks. It's really hard because I loathe every inch about myself but I'm hoping to be able to be more accepting of myself in the future.

No. 301601


yeah i recently joined the lgbt club at my uni, i'm hoping to meet some normal women but the club seems to mostly be tims. one of the club executives goes by neopronouns if that is any indication of what the club is like. it's hard to meet women naturally just in my normal hobbies, because i just end up falling for straight women.

No. 301619

last gf was a thembie, probably whined about it in another thread. glad i dumped her because she started revealing she liked to pack.

No. 301625

I don't know if I'm gay and I'd never see myself dating a woman in real life but I touch myself to lesbian porn and find myself thinking about women when I cum often… Am I gay? Is it just a fetish? I've only thought of relationships with men but I feel like I'm having a crisis. Oh, and I do still find men sexually attractive but in a very different way from when I think about women. Please help me.

No. 301626

>Oh, and I do still find men sexually attractive

No. 301627

the designated thread for questioning sexuality posts is over here

No. 301630

>I would never date a woman, only men
>But I masturbate to lesbian porn
>I find men sexually attractive
>am I gay girls????
What exactly do you think "gay" means? No, you just memed yourself into being turned on by malegaze lesbian porn that's pretty much the only form of porn that focuses on female bodily pleasure and not just emotionless PiV jackhammering while the girl is fake moaning and screaming.

No. 301635

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any advice on getting physical with another girl? I’ve been hanging out (re:making out) with this other lesbian I met on a dating app and I have a feeling we’re gonna start getting more intimate. I’m gonna have my whole apartment to myself in a few weeks and I think I’m gonna invite her over. BG I’m a 20y virgin whose only gone to over-the-clothes make out stuff.

No. 301639

Talk to her. Seriously that's the best advice you'll ever get about sex. Everyone's different about sex so it's best you just bite the bullet and tell her that you're a virgin. Just don't let her rush you or feel that you have to rush yourself to impress her. If at any point she mocks you or tries to move things along at a pace you're not comfortable with then drop her, it's a red flag.

No. 301648

Relatable. I know this will get responses saying "then go meet lesbians" but the culture where I am with lesbians is so alienating, and talking to normie snapback lesbians always ends in them looking at me like I have a second head. I hate how lesbians are expected to follow some code besides "homosexual female" to find any kind of community.

No. 301672


if you would never date a woman then you aren't gay.

porn is not indicative of sexuality. my best friend is a gay man and used to watch lesbian porn, he is not a lesbian lol. i thought i was straight or bi because i used to watch straight porn even though i only liked pov stuff and imagining myself as the man.

No. 301703

Yeah, ethical issues with porn aside, looking at something is way different than doing it and enjoying it. Porn is literally just visual stimulation to turn your brain off to and come. I've had former friends who were so deep into watching porn they got bored of normal stuff and would watch and masturbate to anything as a challenge. I knew a gay guy who watched straight and lesbian porn but wouldn't be caught dead sleeping with a woman, and a straight guy who watched trans/femboy stuff because it was new and different. Not to mention it's apparently a trope of straight women watching some lesbian porn because the actors look like they're enjoying themselves more.

I would consider a woman who is attracted to men, and masturbates to lesbian porn, but has no interest in dating a woman to just be a pornsick straight, not bisexual and absolutely not gay.

I always thought porn was gross, but when I was younger I thought I was "kinkier" than I really was because I thought fanfiction with relationship dynamics like D/s or bondage was more interesting to read than "vanilla" sex, but in reality I wouldn't do any of that stuff.

No. 301744

Definitely be upfront that you're a virgin. As far as the "how to" goes, you'll have to just figure things out as you gain experience. When I first lost my virginity I did a bunch of research about how to finger and eat out correctly and although that did help, you really only learn by doing. Good luck nona, have fun!

No. 301752

I'm just gonna be blunt here; why are LGBT social groups full to the brim with ugly special people? They all act the same. It got me kinda paranoid because I realise I'm not much different. We all have ADHD/autism, alt fashion sense, bad relationship with parents. The difference is I don't go on about my tumblr blog or made-up pronouns. They treat being "queer" like it's a subculture instead of an actual sexuality, they're polyamorous, call themselves gay when they're in a relationship with someone of the opposite sex. Maybe it's a generational thing I am a zoomer?

No. 301755

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Being gay isn't the same as it was years ago before they added the T. I think it is also just like a fashion statment, it isn't cool nor speshul being straight so they tack on non-existent sexualities and make being gay a personality trait

No. 301756

What do you think of clingy women? I had one as a gf and while it was a nice feeling that someone is obsessed with me and want to spend every waking moment with me, plus the fact that I am also clingy and found another one like me, I did feel like she was a bit too much sometimes, and it's like she had to rely on me for entertainment. Thoughts?

No. 301760

I'm also a zoomer (barf) and I've noticed the same thing. If you try to join the GSA or any other "LGBTQA+" group its always full of weirdos and spicy straights. They make up these stupid pronouns and identities and it just makes gay people look stupid. I think actual lesbians don't join these groups because they're just an insult honestly. I've never been to one in person but I joined a discord for one just to take a look and that was more than enough to stop me from joining.

No. 301767

Sadly, even a clingy one I would accept a long term relationship with one because at least I know she won't be cheating on me.at least I knew she actually liked me I've only had relationships with distant people.

No. 301776

I feel like I appear very normie on the outside so I don't fit in with the very loud, expressive, emotional gays that would frequent lgbt groups. I guess I am still kinda closested in that sense, but I never had the strong urge to wear or show off my sexuality on my sleeve as something to 'prove' if that makes sense. The rainbow colors flags and Pride makes me cringe. I feel more solidarity with the older lesbian generation that still wanted rights but didn't make being gay a public performance if that makes sense

No. 301789

I'm kinda afraid of clingy women, because I grew up as an only child and was forced to be in my room for most of my childhood. Plus I've never become that attached to my phone, I often forget about it somewhere in my home as I go about my day, because I'm so used to nobody needing to call or contact me. I also need a lot of time to recharge after hanging out with others, even though I do enjoy it. So I'm very private, a bad texter and need a lot of alone time, which would nowadays automatically be interpreted as cheating since everyone is always online. I had the best time with a woman with adhd, so she didn't notice that I would take a long time to text back sometimes and didn't even notice I would retreat for a bit after hanging out. Meanwhile a clingy woman would see it as being hot and cold, losing interest etc. I doubt a clingy woman would be happy with me.

No. 301790

Yeah I live in a big city yet most lesbians my age are the kind of "good wine and traveling" NPC normies or sports/gym enthusiasts and the bisexuals are polyamorous kinksters, while I'm a weeb butch who likes nerdy things. Every time I meet a girl I really click with it turns out she's straight, it's no wonder so many lesbians that I know have dated the same woman since they were 16, it's not like the dating pool offers a lot of options.

I hate it. My ex was extremely possessive and clingy to the point she threw a suicide baiting tantrum if I met other people and forced me to make up for it one way or another. After she got on meds that stopped the worst of it she still relied on only me for all her life's needs and refused to make other friends so I had to practically be her substitute mommy. It's not at all flattering, it's stressful and soul sucking. Especially for me as a person who needs her personal space and doesn't like excessive cuddling or flattery that much, it gets way too overwhelming.

No. 301798

Clinginess has gotta be up there in the top 5 things I avoid in a partner. I'm autistic and need my alone time to decompress. When I had a gf who would not allow me to have that time my mental health plummeted and I became a lot more irritable and quick to anger. It just breeds animosity as I resent having that alone time took off me. I know some people will say clinginess comes from a good place, but it's just not healthy IMO. I especially hate when it comes from jealousy, if I'm not trusted to be faithful then I'm gone. Life's too short to be interrogated every time you hang out with a female friend.

No. 301813

I don't live in a big city, but a lot of local lesbians are NPC-like too. But then the nerdy lesbians are kind of NEET-ish and don't take good care of themselves (either mentally or physically). I just don't get it. I know some people can't help being "stereotypical", but I grew up with LG role models who asserted that sexuality is only one part of you, yet the rest of my generation all act the same.

Extreme turn off. Even the purely platonic friendships I had with clingy people have ended badly or messed me up. I know it's sometimes a trauma/neglect response, but my trauma made me more quiet and hands-off (I don't like being alone, but I don't like burdening people either), so it's not a compatibility.

No. 301828

NTAYRT, but I feel like those are the only two types of lesbians I've ever met and they're both extremes. I wish I knew more middleground lesbians who were fun and nerdy but not depressed and jobless.

No. 301830

My nerdy lesbian gf is very neat and silly and based. They're out there anons, keep holding on.

No. 301869

Where did you meet the fabled functional nerdy lesbian tho…happy for u
>>301828 ikr so many lesbians that aren’t overly basic but then turn out to be slobs

No. 301873

Seconding on how you met your GF. Also, yeah, it kind of sucks how "hot nerd" is a borderline fictional trope in my experience. Liking anime or Disney isn't really a replacement for showering and dressing nice. I'm not even against theoretically being with someone who doesn't have a job as long as she's trying to change it, but the bar is on the floor and some women dig under it.

No. 301879


fr. it's so hard to meet women who are not normies and also not fucking insane.

i definitely was on track to becoming a greasy NEET but i had a glow up, got my shit together. it feels like a lot of the sort of women i vibe with are the gross nerdy ones (or crazy neopronoun using enbies), but i don't find these people attractive at all.

No. 301885

NTA but I ran into an issue where I tend to have the same kind of interests with "queer" types (not full-blown genderfluid xe-xirs or whatever, that's too far for me), but I tend to be more attracted to and have similar politics to normies. But then the queer crowd tends to think I'm a "fascist cryptoterf" while the normie types think I'm too weird. I don't really know how to find people who are a reasonable mix, but I'm looking.

No. 301929

On HER, actually. I've posted about this a few times, I just hit my swipe limit every day, swiped no on like 95% of profiles, went out IRL with the promising matches immediately for 1-2 months and found her.

No. 301935

I think people are afraid to really fall in love and they view 'catching feelings' as bad and are just into casual relationships with no pressure whatsoever. I want someone to grow with and to help one another. I'm older so I'd love to find someone I connect with but whenever I meet someone randomly they are either taken at my age or they have a substance abuse problem or they are emotionally unstable and unavailable. I have seen so many lesbian with alcohol problems that I am pretty sure they can even make an aa group on just then lol.

No. 301950

NTA and I'm being nosey but what caused you to swipe no on so many? I know it's impossible to please everybody, but I was wondering what nonnas find attractive.

No. 301953

This has been a thing for a while now. I've always been seen as "the weird one" in a group for wanting marriage, kids and a white picket fence lifestyle. Part of it is queer bullshit saying I'm programmed by the hets to think that way or whatever postmodern shit is their flavour of the week excuse for cheating on each other. But honestly a lot of people are just afraid to be so vulnerable with someone else, and sure, you do you, but shaming other people for having the ovaries to pursue love is a dick move.
>I have seen so many lesbian with alcohol problems that I am pretty sure they can even make an aa group on just then lol.
I met my wife in AA, KEK. I split my time between there and NA and there's quite a few gay people at both. I used to joke that I was going to start a lesbian separatist AA/NA club and a 13 step program where the 13th step is U-Hauling with a fellow member lol.

No. 301955

Unfortunately true. Like everyone wants to just ‘be cool’ and not care too much. It’s so vain. It’s all about love as a source of ego rather than love itself. And yeah, what is with the substance problems?
Lesbians my age are retarded anyway. Too many gendies, everyone has adhd or bpd or whatever. Maybe when I’m out me teen years girls my age will be normal.
>>301953 Lmao definitely not a regular love story but it’s kind of cute
I still wonder why gays like to drink.

No. 301957

Like I said upthread somewhere, we get pushed gay bars as a safe space early on. When you think about it there really aren't that many places to be safely and openly gay where booze isn't rampant - even now things are pretty much the same. Combine that with the trauma and self-loathing a lot of us go through and you've got a recipe for alcoholic chaos.

No. 301963

File: 1670010131608.jpeg (32.67 KB, 480x300, gag.jpeg)

I have a pretty long list tbh but I'll post some:
>snapchat filter selfies with the sepia or the flower crown and shit
>really boring bio, no hint of personality. or no written bio at all.
>negative shit complaining about users on the app in bio
>pillow princess badge or stone badge
>lesbian as well as bi badge at once or just queer badge (i only swiped right on women who explicitly are lesbians and no other identity)
>just not hot/wears makeup
>mention of sitcoms on bio
>wants kids
>sober (it's ok to be sober but i don't want to deal with the restrictions of that lifestyle or risk a relapse saga with my gf, sorry)
>all pics from the same angle/room
>dog (don't wanna own one so if we go far i don't wanna deal with the dog lol)
>hobby that i really hate
>men in her friend group photos

I did make exceptions of course but I did swipe left on most still.

No. 301964

>mentions of sitcoms on bio
NTA but based.

No. 301967

I actually think its good you knew what you wanted and kept to your standards. You found someone that fit your criteria and I'm really happy for you.

No. 301970

I think it pays off to be picky early and go meet IRL as soon as possible so you can see if you click. You can't gauge chemistry by texting in my experience, even as an introvert I just endure the anxiety of meeting a stranger instead of wasting my time being penpals exchanging mediocre chit chat. Tbf I did have a relatively easy time matching with everyone I wanted and then some, dating apps are great for mascs since there is a female-identifying masc shortage kek.

No. 301972

Ah that's a pretty reasonable list to be fair. The next question would be what makes a good bio but that's up to me to find out kek.

No. 301996

>what makes a good bio

No. 302017

Alpha female energy ngl

No. 302028

once i put my hogwarts house in my bio (not advice for a good bio, i suck at writing them) and matched with a libfem whose very first message was that she hated jkr. how nice of her to think i was worth a right swipe anyway though kek

No. 302038

No. 302040

>sober (it's ok to be sober but i don't want to deal with the restrictions of that lifestyle or risk a relapse saga with my gf, sorry)
Not really directed at you, but it's a general pet peeve of mine that not drinking alcohol automatically makes people think you were a massive addict in the past. I've never been an addict, I just don't like the taste and it doesn't lower my inhibitions. It just makes me want to clean stuff. As if that's not being a party pooper kek. Alcohol is pretty expensive for doing so little for me. Meanwhile I can legally grow weed or shrooms for my own consumption in my home from time-to-time. Way more affordable in this economy (just don't try to grow weed in winter kek). It's not like I'm sober sober or can't be around alcohol.
>dating apps are great for mascs since there is a female-identifying masc shortage kek
Not in my area. Even with a masc shortage, I think most women on dating apps here wish the few left would fuck off too, since 'lesbian' is generally seen as being attracted to femininity. Many see butches as conservative and regressive, something from a by-gone era to larp as straights. I've talked about this to butches who emigrated to here and they said it was particularly bad here, but none of them are butch4butch either so I can't shoot my shot kek. I'm unironically thinking of moving, because I think I'm just playing on hardmode. Liberal feminism has gone too far. It honestly wouldn't even surprise me if lesbians of my gen who are attracted to butches would start calling themselves bi here, because of how they changed the definitions (from female homosexuality to being attracted to femininity) and gaslit everyone about it.

No. 302106

Not gonna lie, I hate how Lex is 99% kinky tenderqueers and TIMs when the format of the site vibes much better for me than "just swipe everyone and keep your fingers crossed you get a match that will reply to you". I actually managed to get some okay conversations on there after posting a personal that worked as a starter (I just blocked the TIMs/TIFs that liked it and DMed me), although they didn't end with going out since we didn't click, but it was more fulfilling to have just swiping and doing small talk. But I also don't vibe with the userbase being hyper liberal types either.

Are there any active apps or sites that don't rely on matches to message? I'd rather auto block creeps in my inbox, which I did on Lex (I started going online since I was 12ish so getting messaged by creeps isn't new to me) than have a borderline empty one.

No. 302186

i'm with you nona, i like lex because most of the other apps (her, tinder, okcupid) rely too much on you marketing yourself through pics and as a sheltered autist i don't have any group pics or posed pics of me standing on a mountain on vacation or something kek. what was it you posted that got replies?

No. 302198

I don't want to deanon myself, but it was just venting about the social politics in my state and how it affected me. I got messaged by two loser/creeps that I automatically blocked, but then I got messaged and a somewhat normal conversation from 3 normal people (but one was from someone not interested and just replying to my post and had a mini discussion). It felt more organic, even if I didn't get a date out of it (one woman actually realized we weren't compatible, and it ended). But I just can't use Lex any more than I have because of the lack of real women with non-turboqueer politics, but using the other apps rarely result in matches. I wish different apps or sites with a different format existed.

No. 302220


just downloaded lex the other day and was thinking the same thing, i dont hate it since ive met some cool people and i want more lgb friends. there's not as much pressure as there is with dating apps. like i'm not looking for 'matches' and partners i just talk to people like i would on any other platform and can see what happens. but it's also shown me how many sexpests are in my area lmao.

dating apps copy each other all the time, if i had any knowledge on app development i'd genuinely want to make smth like lex but improved. aside from the userbase the app is also very glitchy and just poorly designed imo. if there was something like a typical social media site but catered towards lgbt people it'd be really cool. would probably turn into a cesspit immediately. but i'd still love for it to exist. sort of like how linkedin is just facebook for business and networking, i want facebook but for fags wanting to connect, date, and build community. 

No. 302243

The only app I know of that's like that is Taimi, but the site is also a scam and encourages unicorn hunters to use it. The women in my area all looked like NPCs and the likes I got were nothing but couples, men, teenagers, and middle-aged women with little in-between.

I dunno, apps are currently my only way to figure out who is available, when most of the women I know IRL are straight and the ones who aren't are taken. I know that's a matter of where I live, but when apps suck at that (or maybe I'm too much of a non-normie sperg for them), it makes me wonder how to navigate this stuff at all.

No. 302256

One time when I used Lex I got a message from someone from Seattle asking if I was 420 friendly. I live in Eastern Europe and I said so both on my profile and my post.

No. 302258

Yeah, I got messaged by a literal man (not a TIM, an actual "he-him" "cis man") when I mentioned being a lesbian on my profile and another from someone fresh out of high school. But at least I can block them.

No. 302263

I think you could have even reported that man, iirc Lex advertises itself for "everyone BUT cis men" therefore even by queerio rules he does not belong.

No. 302278

Does anyone find women with German accents/speaking German really attractive? I discovered this by accident, but honestly I think if a girl said anything in german, even like ‘i didn’t brush my teeth today’ I’d be like yes…so true bb… but they probably wouldn’t be into a sweaty and socially awkward tomboy lmao
i go niagara falls for dat accent
Anyone else into accents?

No. 302279

My main language is not English and I also am a linguist so this doesn't even register in my brain but I've heard from straights and others that they typically do like accents on partners. What's sad is that I heard some people associate the accent with others especially if they break up afterwords so it gets painful.

No. 302282

I've been banned from Lex twice now for transphobia because I kept getting messages from men with straight up beards and posts talking about their girldicks that I finally just told them to fuck off and kill themselves lmao.
I do like the general layout of Lex, but I never once found any other female users without pronouns in their bio.

No. 302288

That's why I would skim the personals nearby and block the TIMs, but some slipped under the radar. I really wish the was a better app without the "match" format.

No. 302295

>Does anyone find women with German accents/speaking German really attractive?
I'm Jewish so it triggers my fight or flight response. I'm joking. But my wife was born and partially raised in Noo Yawk and that accent do be doing things to me ngl. Her accent has kinda softened now but it comes out when she's angry and I find myself wanting to rile her up so I can hear it more kek. I think I watched The Sopranos too much during my sexual development and I now find myself falling in love with any woman who talks with that kind of thick New Jersey/New York sounding accent.

No. 302297

My ex was from New Jersey and since English isn't my first language me and her would teach each other phrases and things about each others culture. Idk why some people say white people don't have a culture since I would say that state by state there is so many differences and Americans have so many cultural artifacts. She told me that there are special cinnamon cookies sold in the fall time where she is from and I think that was very nice. Since I study language I used her in a lot of projects where I'd record her voice and explain her accent and dialect in American English. I think her accent was pretty but I know to other Americans when I've said that they kind of laughed or chuckled. From what I understand it's not seen as that nice? Good times. If only she didn't cheat lol.

No. 302301

The "white people have no culture" thing is pure racism. I'm middle eastern and get accused of becoming "too British" (moved here when I was 13, what do they expect?) by people who spout that but how does that work if they have no culture? Yeah apparently that accent can be very grating for some people. My wife educated me by showing me memes about it kek.

No. 302305

I think middle eastern sounds nice. My first language is Spanish but I have a Californian accent after I spent many years here. It's funny about what you said about being too British because in my country they've taught us the queens English when I was very little. Coming to the USA was so funny because people would look at me funny. I was very small so my accent has now become a west coast American English. It's all about where you spend most of your time. The memes are so funny.ive been accused of being a 'white defender' especially by other lesbians. Like..im in America. Who else would I date, there are a lot of white open lesbians I mean I don't have luck in the romance department since I'm looking for something serious not casual.

No. 302309

>I never once found any other female users without pronouns in their bio.
i do this on lex but i feel like having no pronouns just makes more queerios assume that im trans over being a she/her

No. 302316

I get the whole no pronoun thing, but I use my pronouns specifically so that no one assumes I'm a they/them. I'm a woman and a lesbian and proud of it. I don't want to be called "they" or "queer" and I'll let people know it.

No. 302325

Ngl it’s hot you can speak different languages no homo
Lmaooo sorry nonna and yeah the new jersey type accents are kind of hot! Does your gf know about you and the sopranos? in terms of americans i would say a lady with a southern accent would activate my southern regions the most

No. 302341

Thank you! I actually work as an interpreter, so I'm glad that other lesbians like that lol. When I'm ready to have my heart open to new love I hope I can find someone that can appreciates my nerdyness.

No. 302346

File: 1670197515411.jpeg (21.41 KB, 275x275, 2F512256-584A-4F00-8C55-A1C660…)

I want to talk about my gf. She is so cute I love her. She bought me surprise tickets to a Christmas orchestra concert and she played with my hair the whole time. I love how she’s shorter than me and I can kiss her on the top of her head. I love that’s she’s masc but ok with being a woman. She’s somewhat libfem but not into politics so it’s never been a problem for us. We play Overwatch together and I pocket Mercy her while she plays McCree. I never thought I’d find a girl with the same interests as me and who is also so lovely and chill. She also puts up with my sperging about my interests and I put up with her sperging. <3 She also helps me fix my car. It took almost 6 months of dating apps to find her but it was worth the struggle.

No. 302352

you won big!!! damn!!!

No. 302381

Aww this was so cute! I’m glad at least some of us got happy endings! I hope you two cherish each other

No. 302382

I…would…i mean i love linguistics and yeah i know, seeing as i do, many ladies will appreciate that thicc interpreter brain lol
>have my heart open to new love
I have met so many girls unable to commit, with emotional baggage, or still in love with their ex. I am unironically waifupilled and unashamed. I work, study, exercise and socialise, but lesbian dating is such a mess that i think, at least for now, I’d rather have this one neckbeard habit instead of letting love complicate my life and drain me.

No. 302384

Thank you anon. You give me hope that other ladies will like my nerdy self. I like that you have a waifu and wouldn't mind my gf having a waifu and I'd help fuel her obsession. And yes, so many women are unavailable to love, I think I just need a little nudge in the right direction. I understand waifuism because I think whoever I date becomes my waifu. I also love to collect things but now all I do is collect photos because I'm ver sentimental and get attached to my collections. I used to collect figures and also anime related items. My most prized possessions are my Cardcaptor Sakura figures.

No. 302404

I have cardcaptor Sakura figures too! I have madoka ones as well.

No. 302411

Sorry nonnies, I need to vent again. Why is it a recurring life trope that when you meet another lesbian, she turns out to be taken? I'm still not over how I actually met a lesbian I could click with, and I find out she has a girlfriend right before I was going to make my move. I really hope there's more fish in the sea for me besides her.

No. 302420

How the hell do you meet other lesbians to be friends with? I just do not relate to a lot of straight and bi women. I’ve been to a couple of socials in the area but they seem to be very “qweer”-skewed.

No. 302428

German accent is better than standard Dutch or Danish accent, but Swedish or Flemish is better than standard German. Swiss accent is funnier than standard German. Just my opinion though. Instead what I notice whenever going over the border is that women in Germany are like 10 times hotter to me, more enthusiastic and friendlier, including on dating apps. I feel like Germany is better for masc lesbians than the Netherlands, but also generally better for young gnc women, since it seems to be more normal there with young people too.
nta I think I'm unironically too brain damaged from infancy to love traditionally, but I think I could do well with a sperg or woman with adhd. I need a lot of alone time and can't really handle someone too clingy or pushy, but spergs have their own hobbies and understand if you don't respond immediately you could be gaming, doing nerdy stuff, instead of immediately thinking you're cheating. Really I'm just busy with fitness, work, studying, my book collection and vidya. I don't even know how other lesbians manage to cheat. Plus spergs are fun and always have something to talk about. Would be nice to go to cons again with someone.

No. 302430

Yeah my wife knows about The Sopranos. It's something we've binge-watched a few times together and I also yell "TONYYYY" in my best Carmela Soprano accent at her to wind her up, kek. I'm not sure what counts as southern in the US but I love Thelma & Louise. Gotta love women who sound like that, shoot rapists and have enough homoerotic tension between them to destroy the sun.

Why does it feel like so many lesbians work as interpreters or in some sort of translation job? I did that stuff as a side hustle when I lived in Hong Kong and met a lot of lesbians that way. Something something it's because we're good with our mouths.

My wife and I used bumble for a while but with very mixed results. Met some fantastic ladies that we're still in touch with and go on double or triple dates with but we also had an avalanche of moids in our inbox talking about threesomes and the fabled "right man" that clearly we were both in need of. There's also the time my wife didn't read all of a couples profile and had us go out to dinner with them without realising they're into wife swapping. So yeah it's an option, but you gotta put up with a lot of shit to find the few good ones on there.

No. 302445

Same, 21yo kissless virgin kek. I was thinking of throwing away my first time too but I can't even get close to going through with it something in me cringes too hard inside. An older lesbian also told me not to do it and that my first should be in a relationship for love so I'm following her advice, I didn't even lose my first kiss yet even though I could have because I know she's right and anything less than committed isn't at all how I want to go. With how I am I fully expect to stay this way probably until well into my 30s if not forever (kek)

No. 302456

Lucky, I was told to download HER and go to bars. But I agree with the older lesbian you got to talk to, unfortunately a lot of people of all sexualities and sex don't really care about or believe in love anymore. I guess it's especially hard for the introverted (me). Are you introverted?

No. 302460

i used les/bian pronouns on lex and eventually got banned for transphobia. not sure if the pronouns were the offense though.

No. 302471

I had an older lesbian try to convince me to ask out my obviously straight crush because there might be a small chance she isn't (my crush knew and approached it awkwardly). I dunno how some girls find these wise dyke Obi Wan types, lmao.

No. 302473

I'm a virgin at 30 because I was traumatized by a sexual encounter in my early 20's (a girl who had an unrequited crush on me fondled me when I was sleeping) and now I damn near have a panic attack when things are getting heated. I have sexual fantasies and get aroused but actually having sex is like being blocked by a brick wall and I feel like only recently I've been able to slightly come over it. And now I feel like it's too late and nobody wants to deal with a sexually repressed adult with zero experience. Fucking sucks.

No. 302477

I was also told to go to drag shows because that's where all the lesbians are, is this even true? I thought it was a gay male/straight woman hobby.

No. 302478

I've never heard about lesbians liking drag shows, the only women I know who are into it are straight or bihet.

No. 302480

Honestly, I don't think being a lesbian virgin at 30 is all that rare, it seems most women are too ashamed to talk about it because they internalized that you should be married by then (but in a woke way, 'cuz you replaced "married to a husband" with "wife"). I realized I was a lesbian at a young age and came out of the closet at 16, which was a long time ago for me, and I still haven't found a girlfriend even with apps. A lot of spaces where I am are full of "queer" younger women in my experience, and I'm not attracted to women outside my age group. I'd prefer to date someone that's also late 20s-early 30s and inexperienced because a lot of women around that age that I've talked to who grew up liberal and have exes/aren't a virgin have a borderline superiority complex about it. (Or maybe I just attract assholes, lmao)

Drag kings, probably, but I don't know about queens. I know drag queens can be problematic from a feminist angle, but a part of me has respect for some of the old-school ones. I doubt those spaces are crawling with lesbians, but I'd personally go to a gay bar or drag show, if only because it's a space that repels 99% of straight men.

No. 302484

I have the tamest fantasies.
Just doing very mundane stuff with a girl I love very much. Food shopping together, cleaning up together, brushing teeth together, sitting in silence and reading, that kind of boring stuff.

No. 302489

That's called being normal, nona. Culture often glamourises dramatic relationships with grandiose gestures of romance but as a married woman I've always found the most joy in the smaller moments. Saturday my wife and I decided against going out and instead played some of her vinyl records while we danced together and it was fantastic. Hell, right now we're on the sofa buried under blankets as she plays Zelda and I post on here. We're warm, cosy and comfortably silent. This is our sanctuary, I'm vanilla and I love it.

No. 302494

File: 1670267561768.jpeg (18.25 KB, 316x360, 1637740392934.jpeg)

It's not over yet Nona! 30s is still young, I'm your age and I am still a khv due to choice. I want to meet the right woman. They should really make a meet-up for everyone to talk about these things. I'm sorry your experience was traumatizing. I'm glad you have overcome it little by little.

I'm so happy for you and this is exactly what I want. You are living the dream. Big blessings and long life to you and your wife.
I'd only date 30 and above because I want someone to grow along with me. As long as they aren't a cheater in past relationships then I'm ok with someome having sexual experience but tbh I have accepted that I'm old and for someone to not have any experience would be 'strange? I've never gone on dates or kissed either, but it's not because I'm strange or something. I did get asked out but by men and I don't want to use dating apps. Maybe when I'm older I'll get fed up and use dating apps. I still have a fantasy of meeting someone in person randomly though.

No. 302495

AYRT. I've been using apps for a few years (I came again to new company during lockdown) because it's my main way to figure out who is around my age and available (I got tired of developing crushes on straight women). It's pretty difficult since I don't click with anyone at all and everyone is either super liberal and signals about transrights, or super conservative and want to marry and adopt kids ASAP, because god forbid a 30+ year old woman want to do anything else? (No, I'm not saying lesbians who want that are "right wing", but I've seen "traditional gender roles only" and "no leftists" in one too many bios lmao)

Not to mention on the "queer" apps (I used them once, never again) 80% of my likes are from women and men/TIMs a decade younger and older. I got messaged by a 19-year-old who wanted to hook up last week. WTF? Anything more than four or five years (if past 25) has always been too much for me, because I don't find immaturity or having to "take care of someone" or being taken care of by someone else to be cute or appealing at all.

No. 302509

the "traditional gender roles only" thing really blows me away. It's coming from lesbians, right? What on earth are they looking for? kek

No. 302510

NTA but yeah what the hell do they mean by that? Like do they consider a butch a man who should be taking care of the family and the house? Or do they mean they only want to date other domestic femme tradwifes? Republican gays are the biggest bootlickers ever and a gigantic red flag for insecurity.

No. 302514

Agreed, it's pathetic. Some of these people are reactionaries who went right wing just to own the libs and don't even realize how retarded they seem to the actual normal lesbians.

No. 302517

I'm the anon who has seen the "traditional gender roles only" and "no leftists" on apps. One of them was a feminine woman so I assume a femme4femme mutual tradthot type deal, but I see some masc women say "no liberals" in their bio too, so I assume they mean they want a nuclear family type relationship but with adoption. It's funny, but also so weird. At this point, I'm neither 100% right nor left wing because I don't trust any politician or party, but so many Log Cabin Republican types I just don't respect because they're so hyper-concerned with how straight people see them. You're gay but support the "Don't Say Gay" bill, they're not going to pick you, they're going to throw you under the bus later.

No. 302523

NTA but as a butch with a "no liberals" policy it's not about the nuclear family model at all, quite frankly that's a ridiculous assumption to make. I break the assumed role of a butch in many ways and wanting a family is completely apolitical. It's a natural desire, not a political statement. "no liberals" is just… no liberals. I don't want to be babied and talked down to because I'm not white and an immigrant. I don't want to hear about someone's white guilt. I don't want to be seen as an "egg", a future troon simply because I'm masc. I don't want my sexuality to be seen as a core component of my personality. I could go on, but you get the point. These are all things I experienced with liberals, hence why I avoid them. I've heard the same stories from other butches too, which is no doubt why we're more likely to put that statement in our bios.

No. 302530

NTA but I'm a butch too and it's ridiculous to pigeonhole all liberals as troon sympathizers who will assign he/him pronouns to you upon contact. To me personally "no liberals" sounds like a dogwhistle for the kind of log cabin snowflakes >>302517 described who would rather throw their entire community to the sharks to be seen as "normal", even if you don't mean it that way. An extreme liberal might consider you an "egg" but the people who will react positively to a "no libz allowed" statement probably would as well, just for different reasons.

"I don't want my sexuality to be who I am" is a valid thought and I know it's directed at the "kweers" who only talk about how gay and trans they are and how white people must die but there's a big middle ground between extremes and the only people who will be accepting of you have liberal and leftist leaning ideals. It's already been discussed upthread but if you think "conservatives" are more accepting and supportive of what you are then guess what, they're not conservatives.

No. 302533

AYRT, true, I am pigeonholing. But in my experience the people who use that label are liberal in name only. I feel like culture has shifted a bit and your traditional, sane liberalism is a bit more nudged to the centre now; if that makes sense. I don't know what "log cabin" means, not everyone is American. I simply don't want righties or lefties; but I don't have to say "no righties" because they avoid me like the plague anyway. I understand the term "liberal" traditionally denotes leaning slightly left, but like I said, I've seldom met a self-identified liberal who wasn't swinging towards hard leftism.

No. 302539

AYRT. I wasn't trying to make an assumption about you, I dislike liberal types too, but I live in a conservative area, so when someone says "no liberals" (even if they're gay/GNC), it usually means in a hard right wing way. A Log Cabin Republican is an organization for gay "moderate" Republican, it is an American thing, so I was only talking about the gay conservatives in my American state.

No. 302540

I don't label myself a liberal but if I saw 'no liberals' on a dating app I'd assume they meant "swipe left unless you're a megaconservative/lolbertarian".

No. 302549

AYRT yup, way too introverted so I've been trying to get out more. I don't know how I'll ever be in relationship organically though since I don't want to use dating apps and have no idea how to approach women at the club without embarrassing myself, not that that kind of setting is the best for finding a serious connection either. Lately I've started to come to terms with just how likely I'll die without any experience at all since sex is pure love and intimacy to me and it's hard enough for me to find friends let alone mutually reciprocated romantic interest. I can't even drunkenly make out with randoms on a night out, I feel like I take things way too serious but that's just how I want it to be.

No. 302552

File: 1670292836894.jpg (82.48 KB, 1024x876, 1608229128287.jpg)

Anon you are me. You have the same view of sex as I do. You're probably from another country, a different state, not each other"s type at all, not in good age range but alas, I hope someone appreciates you and please don't ever settle. You are keeping true to your ideologies and you will find someone.

No. 302560

Not to sound femcel-y tonight but feeling jealous of the fact ALR has had more gfs than me

No. 302561

In my experience HER in my area IS overwhelmingly real women but they all use those obnoxious filters on every single picture.

No. 302572

thank you for having the discussion about being 30+ and no sexual experience with women or at all, it's a big source of stress for me and why I hesitate to come out (and plan to continue living single, financial disaster be damned). I know, like statistically, it could not just be me, but it feels reassuring to read that. to think maybe it isn't some rare cursed red flag to every lesbian out there. I understand why people want to date experienced people, and maybe there is some hope for the older unexperienced?

No. 302585


sorry for the incoming blogposting

I didn't lose my virginity until I was 30 and I was super insecure about it forever. I would still never admit it off anon because there's so much stigma in our society regarding sex and dating. I thought it was just me too, but it looks like it's more common than I thought.

it's so difficult to date as a lesbian. The dating pool is minuscule and there are so many weirdos. I had to drop my basic standards and ignore red flags to have sex and be in my first (and only) relationship. Should have just left it at a terrible one night stand kek. I made her cum, despite my zero experience, but she was clumsy and didn't make me even get close to orgasm, even though she's had many sexual partners.

At this point, I've come to terms with being alone forever. Being alone is way better than being in a shitty relationship in my experience

No. 302595

I don't wanna burst your bubble but lack of experience contributes to not being able to cum and experience generally allows for more openness to different ways of being stimulated.

No. 302604

The issue here I think was the fact that red flags were ignored and your standards were lowered. You are right that being single is better than being in a terrible relationship so I'm glad you got out of that. I'm sorry anon, I hope you'll give it another chance with a nice person next year. I wish that for you.

No. 302605

I'm in the same boat, but I have no idea where this standard that lesbians should be experienced sex Goddesses by 30, and no woman would date us unless we were comes from. Like, not to be a sperg, but I don't get it. We don't have the same opportunities as straight women do to date in high school and marry our sweethearts at 18 (and I never met a straight woman with that experience). I'm the anon who came out as a teenager and never had a girlfriend, but I know lesbians who came out later or are older and have the same problem. I think we all internalized the straight people standards that "you need to lose your virginity by 18 and married by 30" or whatever, so no one talks about it. I'm inexperienced and would prefer someone who isn't, or they are but won't look down on me for it. But the lesbians who were rude to me about it were younger and came from liberal areas where they could be out and date, and I wouldn't date a Gen-Z anyway, why should I care? I just wish it was easy to meet women this age, because the ones I know are adverse to going out and being social.

No. 302645

I really enjoy reading from nonas here who are in happy relationships, it helps give me hope that I'll find someone someday. Maybe i'm a little loopy and sentimental because i'm sick at the moment but I mean it.

No. 302654


sorry to burst your bubble, but she was just really bad in bed and not open to new ways of being stimulated

No. 302658

She came, you didn't. Learn 2 read

No. 302679

Kek my tinder card is hidden and I was looking at the top picks, they were the most normie hyper-feminine women.

No. 302695

Does anyone else have a childhood friend/first crush that they just can't let go? I think about her a lot and what could have been if our parents weren't religious conservative freaks. We don't talk anymore and haven't seen each other in years but she's still on my mind and I have dreams about her sometimes.

No. 302733

Yes, but personally I think it comes from childhood trauma and the rejection from her being proof that I'm an unlovable person. I used to look to relationships to rewrite the relationships and love I didn't have in childhood. I don't ruminate anymore unless I'm severely depressed and look back at all the mistakes I've made.

Chin up anon if it was meant to be it will be if not move on and memories shitty so how do you know you would even like the person she is now or what type of person she is in relationships.

No. 302743

I want to boink Rachel Maddow she's so cute. Why does she have to be married!!! I want a tomboy girlfriend! Stop dating hyper femme bi women and date meeee!

No. 302744

File: 1670404148337.png (773.32 KB, 1124x1331, wojak.png)

Will living with my parents at 25 fuck with my dating prospects? I have a car/job/money. When I had my own spaces (19-20 and 23-24) I was too occupied with school or work to pursue any women. I can't keep putting off relationships but now I feel like an idiot for not taking advantage of having my own place back then.

No. 302749

Yes it will. How are you going to snusnu?

No. 302765

Car sex or their place?

No. 302771

I don't expect anyone to agree with this, but where I live, it's difficult to move out and get your own place due to the economy, prices of housing, and low minimum wage. So I have no problem dating someone who still lives with her parents (because it's cheaper) as long as she had a job and is not a womanchild NEET. I'm currently in that situation too, but my sister can't keep a job and has been in an LTR (her partner has the same situation with living with family). My only issue is if a woman was still in the closet or lived with unaccepting family.

No. 302801

In my culture living with your parents/family is seen as normal because it's an emphasis on communal living. I'm out to my parents and while they weren't happy I told them that they just need to respect me and my choices since I wasn't a little girl. I came out when I was 25 as soon as I fell in love (unrequited) with a girl because I didn't want to put my future gf through the mess of hiding her or whatever. I wouldn't mind dating in the closet women as long as they come out eventually but my friends strongly advise against this. They said it was a read flag. I wsnt to give others a chance though, maybe some live in special circumstances.

No. 302804

How is not being out to your family a red flag?

No. 302822

Is this a real fucking question? Some of us don't want to live in the closet and instead want to build lives with people whose families will let us in.

No. 302824

Yeah basically this is what my friends said to me about it. They said that dating non out people is hard to have a fulfilling relationship with them.

No. 302836

So you wouldn't date a woman whose family wasn't accepting which is not a fault of her own anyways

No. 302852

Okay, now explain why it can't be a red flag.

No. 302859

NTA but iIf you're ready to date then you should be ready to stand your ground against your family. I have violent homophobes in my family but once I was moved out I stopped denying the rumours because I'm not wasting my life hiding who I truly am. Yes, it's different if they live at home because it's a matter of safety. But it's still very hard emotionally to date someone in a situation like that. It's like you're being dragged back in the closet alongside them.

No. 302877

I don't mind if her family is shitty and she's low/no contact with them, family of origin isn't her fault and I'd never judge a woman for having homophobic parents. But I wouldn't put myself in a situation where I need to lie or pretend to be her platonic friend, I'm way too old for sneaking around. I'm looking for a woman to eventually settle down with and I can't move in with someone who wants us to pay extra for a two bedroom apartment so that we can pretend to be roommates when her family visits (an actual request a closeted ex had).

Realistically, you eventually need to cut them out or come out. In a western country at least, obv it's different if you're both forced to be closeted in general.

No. 302918

I don't like to nitpick wording, but I think "I don't want this in a relationship" =/= red flag. Calling being closeted a "red flag" implies it's some chosen negative trait (like someone who ghosts a lot) and not a survival mechanism, but it's perfectly fine to not want to date someone who isn't out.

I'm not open to everyone, but I have a tolerant family. I figured I would only officially come out if I was ever in a relationship, which I haven't been. I also would be uncomfortable having to hide a relationship with someone's unsupportive family, but I'd still give it a shot since pickings are slim, but it isn't ideal.

No. 302931

>My only issue is if a woman was still in the closet or lived with unaccepting family.
AYRT, fair.
Is being closeted an issue to most lesbians 20-30? I only really talk to my gay friends I grew up with and we're all mostly closeted but their gay men/trans, I guess different rules.
>red flag
Fuck me lmao. Mine wouldn't hesitate to honor kill me. One shot at life and I had to be born to fundie muslims.

No. 302933

just unsubbed from a lesbian-related substack (cringe i know) because the author was offering relationship advice and one of her suggestions for 'lesbian bed death' ie sexual dysfunction was to open the relationship. it's just such godawful advice. like, if you can't have an honest conversation with your girlfriend about sex then what is the point of continuing the relationship while adding even more complication? i have never encountered a happy, stable poly relationship and honestly thought i was insane for being against them until i found the poly thread on snow. lol

No. 302934

This. Every single one I've ever seen has had piles of barely-concealed jealousy and playing favorites, someone's always de facto being left out to dry. There are all kinds of reasons for sexual dysfunction, but "just sleep with someone else" is basically giving up without having the honesty to say that.

No. 302944

AYRT. I'm in the 20-30 range and honestly, I don't know if being closeted is still an issue post teen years in the west. My family is tolerant (they're ignorant in the liberal way but don't have hateful intent like the conservative side that I cut out), and I've only come out to close friends who I know are safe, I've never been a loud and proud person anyway. I would attempt to make things work I did find someone who lived with unaccepting family, but I know it would be a big roadbump. But I figure if worse comes to worst, we could combine expenses and move out together. Most people where I live who don't live with their parents are with multiple roommates or partners in some cheap apartment.

I honestly don't think polyamory works unless everything is just non-committed FWB or the rare 0.1% where every person involved is equally attracted to each other, which I have never seen. It's always "this is my partner, this is my friend that I sleep with that my partner tolerates, and that's the friend my partner sleeps with that I have no interest in" or whatever.

No. 302947

One thing I will never understand is how younger gay/straight people that have tolerant family/ friends think it's the same way for everyone else. They assume life has always been this open and free. And then judge lesbians that are closeted to their families. I'm 30 so I was on the cusp of things changing and I remember how disgusted society was with gay people. I was like 7 when the first gay men kissed on mainstream TV and it was talked about for weeks. I'm mexican so my family is extremely intolerant/ religious not at all to the same degree as muslin anons on here but we don't live the same life as you. I guess the one plus side to you judging and thinking it's a red flag etc is knowing that you lack empathy and have a narrow view of life- that's the real red flag here.

No. 302949

The only poly relationships that I've seen "work" involve troons who have no choice but to tolerate each other for survival.

No. 302950

Yeah, I'm 30 too, and it frustrates me how Gen-Zs take some of this for granted. I was surrounded by the old school right wing/Christian homophobia, and while I find the "woke" kind worse from within "the community" more hurtful, I was literally targeted at school for being suspected as gay. I grew up thinking I would go to hell and cried at night over it. I know some younger people go through this too, but I've seen some liberal area Gen-Zs look at gay history from the 80s-90s as an outsider and think it was somehow better because there were less troons/genderspecials. It really wasn't. It's a different kind of hell.

No. 302959


lmao i have thought about this too but like. we could all have so many girlfriends if we lowered our standards to 0. ALR will date anyone who gives her a crumb of attention and is down to u-haul.


for some people, yeah tbh. i'm 21 so i live at home while finishing school, and most other people my age in my area live with family or roommates so it isn't a huge deal. if it's similar where you live, you may have better luck just dating 2-3 years younger. if i had my own place i doubt i would care about a potential girlfriends living situation bc like…we could just go to my house lol. i wouldn't overthink it just start talking to women in your area, a lot of people live at home into their mid to late 20s.

No. 302962

All this talk about coming out made me realize something shitty about myself so I can see how anons can consider it a red flag. I didn't come out to my family during the time I was dating my ex because I made excuses. I thought "I'll come out when we meet each other irl" and I feared judgement by parents. Like the other anon said, I wasn't ready for a relationship because I wasn't ready to stand up to my parents. I can see how shitty it must feel to be kept a secret but I had prioritized my own convenience over my partner's feelings. Even though just telling one person like a trusted family member would have been a start. There's also that extra layer of commitment, and showing you're serious, by coming out.

No. 302969

Gen Z can be just 4 years younger than you and can still have grown up with old school right wing, Christian and unironic self identified fascist homophobia. This is more a big neoliberal city thing than a younger generation thing, because millennials who grew up in big neoliberal progressive cities also largely avoided homophobia, at least in my country. It's not like being gay is accepted now in rural religious communities. It also extends further than just not understanding being out. I may be out nowadays, but then you get criticized for being a bit reserved and not feeling comfortable just acting like a don juan, flirting like crazy, because where you come from you risk getting beaten for that. I don't know if it's so much muh internalized homophobia and secretly agreeing that being gay is bad and that I would judge another woman for that, which is how it's usually seen. More that I'm conditioned to be afraid and expect being bashed at any moment. Also just because you're out, doesn't mean you're accepted by your whole family. You can be out and still not be able to bring anyone to your family, but many big city neoliberals act like family's conservative christian values are automatically yours too.

No. 302988

God, this. I'm 30+ too, when I was growing up being a lesbian meant basically being a perverted rapist who wants to look like a man. At some point girls started identifying as "bi" but everyone knew it was just a performance inspired by malegaze lesbian porn, you weren't supposed to take it seriously and if you actually caught feelings you were immediately ostracized and subjected to homophobic abuse. It wasn't until my 20's when people, at least where I live, started becoming primitively tolerant of gay people and not until very recent years that acceptance and understanding started coming about, I identified as "asexual" for years simply because of the paralyzing stigma and fear of accepting what I am. I'm happy for all the gen z lesbians who got to grow up in a more stable environment but them taking it for granted pisses me off. It's not easy to shake off decades of homophobia instilled upon you during your formative years, especially with homophobic family members around, especially with everyone touting the "now everyone's just gay to be special!" meme these days, so them rolling their eyes and saying "ugh, what's the big deal, just get a girlfriend" is some actual low empathy behaviour.

No. 302989

>I don't know if it's so much muh internalized homophobia and secretly agreeing that being gay is bad and that I would judge another woman for that, which is how it's usually seen. More that I'm conditioned to be afraid and expect being bashed at any moment.
Continuing >>302988 but this. I hate how it's being framed as "internalized homophobia" and something you should be beating yourself over for when it's literally a survival mechanism we had to learn growing up. I learned that if I showed any signs of traits associated with same sex attraction I would be punished for it and my social reputation would be ruined, so even now with my very liberal friend circle I can barely call a girl pretty without being struck with fear of being seen as a predator. I mentioned the phase of girls identifying as "bi", and that really fucked me up - it was like they were laying a bait and when I took it, they went "holy shit I'm not a fucking DYKE". It's just not something you snap your fingers and are done and over with, it takes years of deprogramming and conditioning to unlearn it.

No. 302992

AYRT. I just mentioned in the post that I know some who have grown up in a right wing Christian environment too. When I was a gay teenager, I was condescended to by other teenagers my age who grew up liberal for not being "out and proud" enough, and they don't get why I can't be like them. But I was criticizing how some Gen-Zs look at history through rose-tinted glasses because it was less rainbow capitalist and postmodern decades ago.

No. 302993

>it was like they were laying a bait and when I took it, they went "holy shit I'm not a fucking DYKE".

oh damn that's a similar memory I have and must have supressed the shit out of, kek. I wasn't even out, wouldn't have considered that i took the bait, and yet! ouch. so glad to be out of school.

No. 303113

♥ Any unvaccinated lesbos out there? ♥

No. 303123


No. 303173

This, my parents are liberal/accepting of homosexual but I always felt that way, the few time I saw women kissing in public space I get that same feeling as when you see a girl in skimpy clothes at night in an unsafe place of town. When I'm with libfem SSA women chatting publicly about having romantic relation with women I could never talk about what I find attractive or what.
Also that feeling about being a predator is so draining. Feel like an autistic scrote

No. 303214

Am a gen z teen but grew up in a working class town so ig the blatant gay bashing was more normal there- it wouldn’t be in other places. Anyway, i do totally get you. I get really hesitant to call another girl pretty, and feel like if I dress feminine, the ‘creepy lesbo’ effect goes away- but it’s not what i feel comfortable in. I think things are getting worse for homosexuals as we’ve been lumped in with those who promote child transitioning, MAPs, corporate gay, and furries. Just under the degenerate umbrella for something harmless and non deliberate. So I would still prefer to lay low, unfortunately. Sorry I’m not ‘loud and proud’ when it makes people think I’m a weirdo.

No. 303234

File: 1670621752655.jpg (7.64 KB, 259x194, images (1).jpg)

oh fuck i feel such a coomer pervert but i have this coworker who is like 60, has kids as grandkids etc and i have no other word to describe her but gilf.
she might have had some work done she is like this very stylish older slavic lady and i keep telling my brain to stop it but i can't help but feel kinda attracted to her and it doesn't help that she is touchy feely with me like she touches my waist etc and today she put her hand on my lower back and then just kept going lower and lower almost fondling my ass like i honestly don't think she meant anything with but oh my god what is wrong with me

No. 303242

Do any other butches find that they get "complimented" by being told they look like a certain male celebrities a lot? It happens to me a fair bit and it's really annoying tbh. "omg you kinda look like Zayn Malik with your hair like that" "have you heard of Laith Ashley? you have such a similar vibe" (I know Laith is a troon but this is a libfem who sees her as male). My wife calls it the "racially ambiguous fuckboy" genre. I don't mean to come across as ungrateful but like… why can't people just say I look good and leave it at that? It's always younger Millennials and zoomers too. It's like they can't see me outside of their rigid little boxes. At least the 50+ y/o women at work just tell me I'm a handsome woman and don't fuck around with the comparisons.

No. 303282

Have noticed this too. Mostly get 25 and youngers asking me if I know who X tiktoker or random net celebrity is and "you remind me of his vibe" or whatever. It goes over my head, but I agree and wish they'd just leave the comparisons out.

Relatedly, I get sir'd about 80% of the time despite not being particularly tall or anything but lesbians always see me for what I am: A GNC butch. I don't get confused for anything from older women or other, actual lesbians.

If the older women think I'm male, or aren't sure, they just treat me like a nice southern boy.
Politeness makes em not really care. Lol.

No. 303293

I am asking a serious question that I know most will take as bait but I am honestly curious about this.
In the lesbian community what do we think of anal sex? Is it all in the mind as a powerful mental stimulation to penetrate or see our partner experience anal sex practices? I've always wanted to know since we I know most straight women don't like anal and only do it because thier guy usually talks them into, so why would lesbians be into it ?
Has there ever been a study on common lesbian sex practices and what is the norm across couples from different age groups? Would love to read on actual research.

No. 303294

There's no research and if there is it's mostly bisexual and straightbians being the voices to our sex lives. My ex was into it- she was bisexual and a porn addict. I think pornsick people are into it. Why would you want to stick your mouth or finger into a poophole. A hole that was made to push things out not put things in. Especially when the punani was made for sexual pleasure. just seems stupid kinky taboo shit.

No. 303295


Lesbian. never touched a moid and don't plan to. Don't enjoy penetration.

My thoughts:

It's an erogenous zone like any other and one that is right in proximity to the rest.

I don't think I'd engage with a partner. Solo, some aspects are enjoyable.

No. 303296

I'm the one who asked the question and I think the same way. your bootyhole has poop in it, I don't understand. Butthole is not even on the 'menu' of beautiful things on a womans body.>>303295
Isn't it painful? I've actually have been told by friends that enemas or putting suppositories (doctor perscribed) hurt and they don't understand at all why people would be into it.
When I splash water on it when I clean in the shower it feels 'nice' but like cleaning the earwax inside your ear with those sticks. I don't really feel tingly or anything.

No. 303297

I don't hang around people younger than me, so it rarely happens. Older women compare me to random GNC models or androgynous celebs they know from back in the day. I have gotten young Putin comparisons before though.
>Relatedly, I get sir'd about 80% of the time despite not being particularly tall or anything but lesbians always see me for what I am: A GNC butch. I don't get confused for anything from older women or other, actual lesbians.
Even at the hospital and GP's office I was confused for a man or boy, until I spoke up or corrected them lately. They kept assuming I was one of the men in their appointment list waiting or if they'd mispronounce my name and didn't respond immediately, they though they misgendered me first before they'd consider that they butchered my name. I think winter coats make it worse kek.

No. 303301

Thank god no. For a brief time I used to date a bihet a who would do this though and I hated it, hearing "Anon, you kinda look like this (male celebrity she obviously has a crush on and I don't even resemble in any way)!" was a tremendous turn off.

Eh, some people genuinely like it so it's really not my business to judge. It's not like in a straight relationship where the pornsick moid pressures the woman into anal because he likes the sexual domination and the woman complies out of her sense of duty, with lesbian relationships I can trust that there's actual consent since a real dick isn't involved. I wouldn't try it for the hassle it involves alone (cleaning out your rectum with an enema etc) or the possible health complications, even most gay men don't actually do anal because it's a pain in the ass (pun not intended) to prepare and involves a lot of risks.

No. 303311

why do you all freaks keep thinking so much about what kind of sex other lesbians have and what kind of sex lesbians are supposed to have like by this i mean this anal stuff etc sex acts that don't involve men this shit is also nothing but politicizing lesbian sexuality

No. 303314

>fondling my ass
uh nonnie looool are you sure?

She sounds hot tho…

No. 303325

After a long term relationship I got back on Tinder and I'm on my 5th inconclusive date… They are always very excited to see me, the date goes pretty well but after they answer less and less. It hurts man. I wonder what's wrong with me. My photos are pretty accurate so it must be my personality.

I feel like girls on there have no patience.

No. 303326

Seriously. You can't live your life aiming to be not-men, you can't center your sexuality around doing what-men-don't-do. I had a supposed lesbian tell me fingering is hetero sex… She couldn't grasp the idea of liking the clitoris being stimulated from inside or having something to flex kegels against etc. Retarded. People are obsessed with sniffing out "fake lesbians" but those extra obsessed are usually projecting, if you catch my drift.

No. 303334

This. I absolutely hate how for example enjoying penetration is somehow turned around into actually being straight because I guess real lesbians are born enjoying only cunnilingus. What feels pleasurable to your body is highly individual and policing each other for it is, as you said, politicizing lesbian sexuality. Some straight women hate penetration while lesbian women can love it. Some lesbians can genuinely like even anal, it's just how things work. You don't get to decide what feels good to you and it has nothing to do with your sexuality if it's still about doing it with the same sex. It's the exact same shit as retarded straight men with their "well if you don't like dick then what do you use dildos for hmmm???" gotchas.

No. 303337

I only know one lesbian that likes anal, and it's due to the nerves around the anus being sensitive and having issues with vaginal stuff like fingering. She hates porn and stuff like that too.

Personally, it's not my preference, and there's some "ick" factor to it, and I find it hard to enjoy (yes, I tried solo lmao). But I also wouldn't mind exploring it with someone who was into it.

No. 303341

Its more like, just touching your ass/hole isn't going to do anything but if you're already extremely turned on it might. Everything in that area is going strong so it's just part of it.

My thoughts at least.

No. 303342

Ia. It's not fair to lesbians when people police what they like.

Trying to imply that penetration is straight and that enjoying it is somehow male interest aligned is like saying that a woman's body is made for some male part and that's it

Her body is her body and what it enjoys is hers to explore, males be damned.

No. 303349

NTA but I agree a lot. TMI moment, but I realized that I get the most out of penetration than anything else, and despite finding scrotes nasty and none of my toys are shaped like actual body parts, I have a huge complex over being "secretly bisexual" for it. It's weird how equating that to be straight sex or repressed opposite-sex attraction is the go-to thing that conservative AND liberal homophobes throw at us, but I've had lesbians act snide to me about it too.

No. 303362

I think you're looking at it too deeply. There are hardly any spaces where we can talk about our sex lives or protective sex and I think it's just harmless curiosity.Maybe one might be encouraged to find something that they really enjoy.
I also really like penetration and I think it's funny about the toys not being bodily shaped because I really like funky colors.

No. 303387

File: 1670713272170.png (2.58 MB, 3828x1920, too_gendery_for_sex.png)

>but I've had lesbians act snide to me about it too.
nta but I'm a butch who gets a lot out of penetration and it feels like a strange minefield. Like I'm not just supposed to not like it because of being lesbian, but also because of how I look.

No. 303402

I dont understand this. Don't you want to do those things to the person you like regardless of how they look?

No. 303422

Love to see Maxine Harlow's work randomly anon, made my day.

You can't possibly be gay if you have to ask kek.

No. 303425

idk why you guys are freaking out it wasn't even about fingering but anal. ANAL PENETRATION and VAGINAL PENETRATION are two completely different things.

Like I said in my previous post it wasn't some innocent naive let's explore our bodies type thing but something I was coerced into several times because she wanted to reenact the porn she watched. I know I'm biased but I can only see anal in that context. We don't live in a vacuum. I think some of you like to be contrarians, pretty much everyone dislikes anal but feels pressured to do it. Haven't you seen porn documentaries on the price you can get for filming/losing your anal cherry?
It's like wanting to fuck someone's nose or golden shower shit. Taboo kink stuff. It's ok to kink shame. You don't have to defend the minority that are into it just because you think I'm calling these women moid brained for liking it (I'm not by the way).

No. 303483

i'm gonna be real harsh here but someone's gotta say it: sorry about your trauma but that is nobody else's problem but yours. stop expecting everyone else act and think according to your trauma habits and thought patterns.

No. 303486

People defending anal in the lesbian thread are most definitely prostate-havers who post here for their uwu gender euphoria validation

No. 303492

let me guess you're the type of person who is very very worried about polilezzies yet post shit like this

No. 303493

like why the fuck does every single online lesbian or ""lesbian"" community gotta be filled with absolutely deranged mentally ill retards with completely unhinged attitudes towards human sexuality?

either you have the uwubians who believe lesbianism is all about holding hands and pwetty pwincesses and pillow fights, and if you look at a woman's ass you're a predator (you goddamn dyke) because something about women's/lesbian's sexuality is just too scary and too horrible for them, then you have the agp cockbrigade and their fighting lapdogs pressing you to suck dick, they view women's sexuality as some sort of public service of course, and then you have the radfemtypes like the anorectal violence freaks here who will call you a man if you say that hey perhaps some lesbians can enjoy anal and that maybe lesbians sexuality shouldn't be expected to be some sort of eternal purity performance for fucks sake

No. 303498

File: 1670763201622.gif (1.41 MB, 299x223, 1491764101622.gif)

About the whole anal stuff I personaly don't get a lot from anal stimulation, and risking putting butthole bacteria near a vagina is not my jam. Also I guess it's not that bad for fingering but there is studies about anal sex practitioner being more subject to fecal incontinence even in women, I'm not risking that : https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5231615/

No. 303500

Any community which is composed of people who are in any way outcasts from normal society is going to be extra tolerant to anyone on its "side".

Its the same reason why there are so many weirdos in radical political groups or religions.

No. 303504

I have trauma with certain sex acts that are considered vanilla or common too, and I can only see them in that context because PTSD leaves a scar on the brain. But I don't say lesbians who like touching boobs or fingering/oral/etc. are influenced by porn or man-brained, I just learn coping skills in therapy, tell my future partners I can't do those things, and not comment on it when other lesbians talk about enjoying it. Most of us have an overlap of opinions with Radfems (I'm not one, and I have dealt with a different kind of lesbophobia from them so I don't associate with most of them, but I agree with them on trans topics/BDSM/anti-prostitution/etc.) so no one is screaming "let me be kinky" or whatever.

No. 303519

I thought about the strange things I'd do as a child that confirmed I was gay. When I played house with the other children I'd be the 'mommy' but the other girl that played house with me would be the 'mom' or mother's. I wore princess dresses and flower crowns and I'd make the other girl wear it too. Strangely enough a lot of the girls I played with and was close to were 'tomboys', some of them refused to wear the crowns I made and when they refused I didn't want to play with them anymore. It's crazy how I'm pretty sure those girls who played wives with me are gay rnow. I only kept in touch with one who did confess to me feelings in high-school but I didn't reciprocate because we went to different schools and I didn't feel close to her anymore. I should have given her a chance since she was one of the girls who accepted my crowns lmao.
One of my other cousins who came out as lesbian asked me if I wanted to play 'sex' with her and I said no. I think I was 11 and it shocked me but I didn't tell anyone. I still talk to this cousin and now I fear that she may have had lots of sexual trauma because they taught her that 'sex' was a game. I think that it's normal for kids to explore each other but I hope it didn't leave her with unsettling feelings.
Did anyone else do interesting things like this as a child?

No. 303525

Kek I was akways choosen as the dad in the house

No. 303526

I made other girl's barbies/bratz have "sex" by laying them on top of each other and making them kiss (well I thought that was how babies were made until I got proper sex ed kek). I also played house with other girls, but would play the father. I think I was aware already of how this wasn't okay, because the one time I tried to kiss a girl, it was in an alleyway where nobody could see. I would always beat up annoying bully scrotes and be the protector to a couple other girls. I know it's controversial to tie this to samesex attraction, but I've also been gnc from a very young age. I also got my first and only girlfriend at 13, I hid it from my family, but on the other hand I was extremely reckless with the amount of PDA I gave her elsewhere kek. Yet I was convinced I was straight and would just grow out of it, because when some people started to notice, I was told it was a phase every girl went through and just something immature. Yes even while having a girlfriend I was convinced I was straight.

No. 303530

Wow, I also did that with the dolls and i'd also only like the other girls dolls. I guess I'd be excited every time I'd take thier clothes off hahaha. I thought human body parts were how the dolls looked like and I didn't know we had nipples for a very long time until I had sex Ed.

The 'mom' 'husband' or 'mother' girls who I played with shared the same characteristics as you. They all were gnc,either beat up the boys or were super close with them or shared the same hobbies and they all protected me.
There was a girl who always wore the same FIA chunky sneakers she was my favorite. Shed always bring me a snack to eat and she was Caucasian. Shed always give me what I thought were fancy snacks like brand name hostess cakes. I came from an immigrant family so we didn't have those brands and we didn't know them. I gave her mexican chocolate and cookies in exchange. But she was so caring and defended me, in lunch time she'd always want to sit next to me and shed get jealouse if I gave bracelets to other girls. Her parents didn't allow us to play anymore because her parents didn't like her playing with me. We could play in recess in secret but after school we couldn't go to each other's houses. I'd have to wait outside the gate to her house. Her mom was crazy I think.

No. 303535

My family once flipped their shit because I was playing at an immigrant girl's house and my clumsy ass spilled something on my shirt. She sprung into action, ordered me to take off my shirt, cleaned it at rapid speed at the sink and gave me the shirt back. Nothing sexual about it really, pretty wholesome. My family already felt like she was "using" me, because I helped her with the language and protected her at school, but this was the last drop. Even though it was mutually beneficial, because we were friends, enjoyed playing with each other and she gave me some sort of Romanian cakes with chocolate swirls in them.

No. 303536

Yeah I had a similar experience with the Caucasian girl. Also I suspect her mom didn't feed her much. She was allowed to go to my house only when her dad was taking care of her and we fed her our bomb mexican food. Shed say it tasted good and id even bring her some lunch from home at school on occasion. I miss my little friend lol. Shed give me the hostess cakes and you know the love was real when she saved her dessert for me from lunch time to give to me. We didn't have any falling out but she moved suddenly. I hope she remembers me.

No. 303539

I'm sure she remembers you too, that sounds like it was something special.

No. 303590

yes we out here

No. 303594

Damn…good to know there’s hope want to hate the antichrist together bb?

No. 303609

Absolutely girl let’s do it

Is vaccine status a dealbreaker for you (or anyone else here) in terms of dating? I’m unvaxxed and although it’s an important issue to me I would be open to dating someone who’s vaxed, my only condition being that she respects my choices and wouldn’t push anything on me

No. 303611

I'm unvaxxed because I don't trust the long-term effects of completely experimental tech, as an average-weight young person who's at extremely low risk from COVID. But I'm willing to date someone who is - the person I'm interested in has gotten the shot three times.

I do look for other signs of critical thinking though, if someone parrots a specific party line on anything I write them off as a shallow-minded person. Usually that means girls who parrot #thecurrentthing, and as someone strongly gay-leaning that's most of what I have to deal with. For guys it can be that, total ignoramus brocialist, or person who believes everything Trump/Infowars says.

No. 303613

Do you mean covid antivaxx or antivaxx in general? Because if it's the latter, then it would be a big no to me. No offense, but mist antivaxxers are cooks who think that vaccines cause AIDS, autism and ass cancer.

No. 303614

Oh yeah, this is an important distinction for me too. I might date a generally antivax person but that's unlikely; they're usually nuts, Infowarrior hicks and histrionic granola moms. mRNA vaccine skeptic, that's not only fine but I share it.

No. 303619

There are many reasons for someone to remain unvaccinated and I like to be open minded to that. If they are crazy sounding then ofc I'd stay away. I have a good friend who is unvaccinated and he is a healthy young person and he has gotten covid before pretty bad but he does mask all the time and is very careful. It's thier choice at this point, I'm vaccinated 3 times and I chose to do so.

No. 303625

If you mean the Covid vaccine, then it's not a problem for me as long as you're healthy and not a "Covid isn't real, period" type. I'm vaxxed, but not boosted, because I don't really trust the information that is out, and the way lockdowns/the pandemic was handled made me trust the government less than I already do. (Ironically, all the people in my life who got the worst of Covid were boosted or double-boosted, meanwhile I work in the public and have been fine. My mother is unvaccinated due to health problems and also hasn't got it at all, despite being the "risky" demographic to die from it.)

No. 303632

anyone here know what maxine harlow is up to these days? does she still post her art online?

No. 303640


until very recently i was super insecure about not liking penetration, the idea of anything inside really disgusts me. i thought it would be a deal breaker in a relationship since it limits the amount of stuff i want being done to me during sex, i wanted to do all the touching for the most part. being a virgin and only really 'out' in online spaces people don't talk about this much ig, so i didn't know it was actually normal and pretty common until recently. maybe it's because i'm very femme and expected to be the 'bottom' too :/

i find the idea of anal kind of hot lol, but i don't think it is something i'd ever try. it's something that seems like a fun idea but 1) i wouldn't wanna hurt my partner and 2) poop comes from there ew-

No. 303667

I feel like I'm too hypersexual. No, I don't watch porn and never got into it. I'm just too easily aroused and the ideal amount of sex I want is ridiculous. I could barely leave my ex alone, including outside (in isolated places, nobody saw). Yet I usually pretend to be asexual and coy, because I don't want to be like an annoying scrote. I have no idea how to show proper amount of interest or flirt, without coming across as too much or seeming like I have 0 interest. I either do too much, disappoint women who expected more or attract actual self identified asexuals. Before I had self awareness it was a lot easier, so I'm probably just overthinking, but how easily you can get cancelled and online shaming nowadays doesn't help. What if I make a move, they make a TikTok about my tism and go viral? I wish other lesbians (or SSA women in general) sexually harassed me as much as TiMs. Which is such a scroteish thing to say, I know, but please. My brain goes a million miles per hour around women I'm attracted to and I can only make mistakes seemingly.

No. 303672

She was driven off the internet because she liked a "terfy" thing on twitter. You can find her existing stuff on instagram and tumblr primarily but she has not posted in a long time.

Nobody is going to "cancel" you for being flirty, calm down anon. Honestly your thinking is so extreme. Definitely don't pretend to be asexual as that is lying and it will hurt your chances of making good connections with women. Just be upfront about your self-awareness and stick your neck out a bit. Be clear about your libido, you can even ask people to give feedback when they think you're being too forward. Not everyone is willing to help you work on stuff but everyone appreciates being given notice of things. I've got tism too (if you were being literal about that… maybe not kek) and what I've learned over the years is that we suck at autonomously correcting shit. Let people help you, be honest. Again, you are not going to get cancelled virally. You're more likely to get hit by a car etc.

No. 303675

Nonna it was a whole trend for a while to dunk on mascs for it and I already get assumed to be a fuckboy with a rotation (even though I've only had sex once in the last 3 years) sometimes without having done anything yet. It's not like I ever say I'm asexual or stupid shit like that, I just act very reserved. If I do express vulnerability early on, they act like I'm being silly and it's not exactly sexy and ruins the mood even further. Idk if I'm really autistic, some people think I am. I used to have no problem flirting and getting with women, but I feel like I get hit with way more assumptions and hostility nowadays.

No. 303677

I'm masc too and think you're being paranoid. Realistically most that will likely happen is you make someone uncomfortable and get ghosted. Still think you're in your head too much, you're taking rejection too personally it seems. I'm not saying the hurt isn't real, it's very real. However you can't take yourself too seriously. It's just a path to self-absorbed messes imo.

No. 303681

I had no problem with it back in the day. Rejection was personal humiliation, which I can deal with, instead of having the risk of it becoming public online, which I can't deal with. I already got sperged at several times for being a fuckboy when I hadn't even done anything yet, nevermind if I did. That didn't happen before.

No. 303683

I really don't understand how you're so convinced that you're going to be the target of an extremely rare viral post, sorry.

No. 303697

I'm in a small country and a minority in a minority so the community is a small world and word travels fast. Which was always the case, but it's gotten much worse. I'm not even on insta or tiktok and still hear of all the local drama.

No. 303698

The topic was "can lesbians have anal sex and can it feel good". The answer is "yes", because some people actually like it for whatever reason they have. You weren't asking if it should feel good, and in that case no, most people don't find it pleasurable and it can be dangerous if done wrong.

This. My sexual development is so fucked up because of it. On the other hand I'm just very horny and have a high sex drive by nature, but the constant uwubian and radfem policing is making me paranoid. If I hug a girl, will she gossip to our peers about how I practically tried to rape her? Or if I have an unconventional kink that I like I'm a scrote adjacent who should just "learn to eat pussy" because for some reason that's the only acceptable form of lesbian sex since it also doubles as a political statement?

No. 303703

>On the other hand I'm just very horny and have a high sex drive by nature, but the constant uwubian and radfem policing is making me paranoid. If I hug a girl, will she gossip to our peers about how I practically tried to rape her? Or if I have an unconventional kink that I like I'm a scrote adjacent
Nta this is one of the reasons I'm "self absorbed" and paranoid. I wish I could go back to being oblivious and having zero self awareness. Or I wish I was one of the asexual uwubians who are satisfied with just handholding. I feel like a potential scroteish predator coomer because of the high sex drive.

No. 303708

I used to think I was asexual as a teenager but in reality I was a late bloomer. People think because I'm femme looking or an innocent face I wouldn't have a high sex drive but I do. I think about it all the time and I imagine scenarios during the day to comfort me lol. I think what I mostly like about sex is the highly emotional aspect so I guess I could say I want to 'make love' or the idea of 'making love' is what makes me crave it a lot. I'm definently a switch but I'm more submissive leaning but only to the right woman.

No. 303712

I was an early bloomer and got busy pretty early irl, though I did think I'm asexual for a retarded moment because of being repulsed by porn. I wish I actually were asexual, because it seems a lot more simple. I'm "sadly" enough a "stereotypical" high sex drive butch and massive simp, but also more on the submissive side. I don't necessarily just want to make love, I do actually also want to just fuck too, but I just really want to give a woman pleasure. I daydream too much and get very easily aroused by very small stupid things and it turns me into a bumbling idiot, which wasn't always the case.
When I was still in denial about being a lesbian and just considered it a phase and assumed that one day I would suddenly wake up with OSA (which everyone told me would happen eventually, still hasn't happened), I was way bolder. Like I somehow didn't let the lesbophobia fully apply to me because of it. When I finally accepted that I'll never change, I suddenly started looking back on how I initiated before and felt really predatory and sex obsessed.

No. 303753

Ayrt, although unvaxxed is preferable i can’t pretend that we have a big enough dating pool to be thaat picky lol
What’s important, as other anons said, is someone that thinks critically and isn’t afraid to be controversial/slandered. Even if I disagree with her beliefs.

No. 303770

I related to part of this, until the end. I've been sexually harassed by men and women, and both experiences were traumatic and why I also used to pretend to be reserved with my sexuality for a long time. But I do feel left out from other lesbians because I'm currently more interested in flirting or flings than full-on dating or relationships. (Before someone tells me to just download an app, the lesbians nearby want something serious only.)

Yeah, I agree with Radfems on a lot of stuff, but their policing of sex acts between lesbians really messed me up and why I hardly feel safe in lesbian spaces besides sometimes venting in here. Obviously, porn is harmful, and a lot of kinks like pretending to be a kid or violent/racist/illegal things, but they assume everyone that isn't into "normal" lesbian sex must be some pornsick man. Some of us just like different things or have an active imagination, I fantasized about "freaky" things since middle school before I even touched the internet.

No. 303771

tbh i fucking hate how we aren't allowed to talk about wanting to fuck women. like it feels like a lot of mainstream wlw communities wanna just be cute girlfriends and talk about handholding n shit. no-i mean that's nice too but i want to fuck women and i am very sexually attracted to them. and then we have radfems, while my beliefs definitely aligned with them more, will call you a larping transbian for liking anal or pornsick for liking anything aside from oral and fingering ig.

it just bugs me though. i feel like gay male communities are too sexual, and lesbian communities aren't sexual enough. sometimes on dating apps it even feels hard to be the one who starts being flirty/sexual because i feel like a creep. i don't even have a very high sex drive.

same but also i was on tumblr when i was like, 11, so i was exposed these labels pretty young. it pisses me off so much when i see 13 year olds online identify as ace like you haven't even fully gone through puberty yet that's normal.

No. 303774

NTA but yeah, it's like both of the sides of the homosexual communities have the opposite problem. I know gay guys who complain that hook-up culture is rampant where they live and no one wants to be in a serious relationship, but on the lesbian all the women nearby just want to hold hands with their future wife and tend to present prudish and very politics-oriented. Meanwhile, I've met gay guys with all kinds of opinions.

No. 303794

Sorry, I know it's fucked up of me and disrespectful to those with trauma. I just feel like such a big coomer that I technically can't be sexually harassed by a woman. There are relatively very few women I've seen who I wouldn't be receptive to. Like people talk about visibility privilege, but still the only people who hit on me or approach me at all are still scrotes. Not meaning to say it's actually ok to harass people who aren't into it. Sorry.
>sometimes on dating apps it even feels hard to be the one who starts being flirty/sexual because i feel like a creep. i don't even have a very high sex drive.
Ime I always do too little or too much. Either the mild flirting gets me sorted in the scroteish creep category or I'll randomly be chastised for being boring, not making a move and being blocked. It's very difficult to guess and I don't actually want to make a woman feel bad like how scrotes constantly do. Talking about my fears to a random match also ruins the mood for them and has never gone over well.

No. 303837

I have also been sexually harassed by a woman and it left me traumatized. Sexual abuse is always bad no matter which gender.

>Some of us just like different things or have an active imagination, I fantasized about "freaky" things since middle school before I even touched the internet.

Same, I have relatively harmless but unconventional kinks that I get a huge kick out of and they have legitimately existed since childhood and long before I got online. The exact psychology behind paraphilias isn't even known, some of them just happen without interfering trauma or other input and the majority of them aren't dangerous or abusive but the purity police likes to equate things like light bondage with full on anorectal violence, especially when it comes to lesbians. I similarly agree with a lot of radfem views and reading radical feminist theory helped my self esteem a lot but the communities themselves tend to attract way too many pearl clutching preachy tradfags in disguise. It's been discussed so many times in this thread that they hold a very open resentment towards butches and are ultimately very unsympathetic towards butches turned to FTMs, a lot of them unironically thinking they're equal to creepy AGP MTFs.

No. 303847

AYRT, sexual abuse is still bad even if it's the sex you're attracted to. Being abused by women still landed me in therapy for years and it made me feel asexual, since seeing female-female affection would trigger me. I often fantasize about meeting a woman as forward sexually as I am and takes the initiative, that's not the same as the assault/harassment I've gotten, it's just a consensual fantasy tailored to me.

Yeah, I still consider myself critical of fetishes and I don't think they're all okay or harmless (I've been abused by people who thought "kinkshaming" is on par with racism), but talking to Radfems who would say they feel the same led to being called a pornsick covert-abuser. Not all kink is watching different porn and imitating it, or violent slavery roleplay with whips and full physical restraint. A lot of Radfems write off basic psychology as some scrote field which is why some can't process that even if it's not inborn like sexuality, some kinks can be harmless and just a part of their sex life. Who cares if someone likes feet or tickling or stuff like that?

Even when I was a kid I would feel funny watching harmless scenes in regular G/PG rated movies or books and it turned sexual when I started puberty. A lot of mine are a coping mechanism for trauma (as in it something that makes me feel safe and comforted, not reliving it all over again), but as much Radfems scream "talk about it in therapy and learn better coping skills", I had multiple therapists tell me that they're glad I found ways to explore and make sexuality not scary to me, despite what I've been through.

No. 303849

I'm so glad there are other nonnas who don't like the morality police. Seriously, I never understood why I should feel bad about what I'm doing in private with like-minded people. It's not like I'm going to stop enjoying myself because some moralfags deem it inappropiate and not enough uwu lesbian sex.
I think it's fine as long as it's your own business and you aren't harassing anyone with it.

No. 303858

AYRT (the first one). As I said in another post, I'm still critical of these things and rhetoric that everything is fine is what hurt me and a lot of people. I honestly think that's where a lot of moralfags are coming from, because they either used to be like this and were harmed by it, or they grew up Christian/conservative and still have those beliefs residually. But it's like a "don't throw the baby out with the bathwater" situation. I've known people who used violent kinks and porn to abuse others, so I condemn those things and those individuals, but that doesn't mean we should go after and accuse people who had fantasies about vampires or light bondage/spanking consensually as being the same kind of person. It's so annoying how hardcore Radfems act like they're so smart and above it all, but fall into the same black-and-white thinking as the old school Tumblr SJWs.

No. 303930

Got blocked by a girl for saying men can't become women and vice versa. The lesbian dating pool is becoming scary.

No. 304059

thank god i found my girlfriend before this shit got really pervasive. i don't know what i'd do if we broke up. i'd be too scared to date right now. it sounds like a minefield.

No. 304066

This has happened to me twice now, I feel for you Nona

No. 304074

What do anons here think about bondage? My gf told me recently she wanted me to tie her up… I don't think I like the idea of it, I've only ever heard this associated with porn and bdsm and she's not into that stuff so it was really out of the blue for me. We are very very vanilla normally, no kinks or anything and we both deal with a lot of trauma so sex is very careful for lack of a better word. I should ask her more because I kind of said "oh?" and that was the end of the conversation at the time, I don't really know what her motivations are.

No. 304089

I like the idea of tying a woman up but only because I've been imbued with brainrot kek, not because I'm ready to stage an ethical defense of bondage. I feel rather guilty about it, as most other lesbians I've met who have developed similar desires prefer to be on the submissive end. Which is not the case for me.

If it doesn't appeal to you, you shouldn't push yourself to try it. Even if she doesn't actively watch porn, eroticizing sexual submission is something a lot of women with trauma end up doing, because the it's plastered all over every corner of our cultures, not just porn. Regardless, you should have an honest conversation with her about it.

No. 304091

Nta and not a bondagefag, but I've become on the submissive side, because I'd rather be ordered around and playfully "forced" or have someone strong and bossy enough to push back and speak up, than initiate too much myself and end up making anyone uncomfortable or being/feeling rapey. I don't know if that's automatically from trauma, but I know I didn't get the rot from anything like porn. Should probably go to therapy anyway.

No. 304103

I'm critical of most kinks, but honestly light bondage isn't nearly on par with slavery roleplay or a lot of hard S&M. As long as it's with someone you trust, who cares if someone wants to be blindfolded to enhance their other senses, or just have a light play scenario like what >>304091 describes?

But if it makes you uncomfortable, and you want to know why she wants it (since you say you both deal with trauma), you should say so. If someone asked that from me, especially if I knew that she had a traumatic upbringing like I do, I would say no, even if it was just tying someone up. It's really not my thing, even if I get why others like it.

No. 304105

If you feel uncomfortable about it, you shouldn't do it.
That said, being bondaged and letting someone you trust gently take care of you and caress you can be a relaxing experience, not necessarily a violent one. So ask her about why she wants it and what she expects to get from it.

No. 304106

I'm not a kinkster but I don't see much wrong with light bondage.I do wanna say, you can't control what she's into. So if your thought process is "if I say yes and she ends up liking it, it's a slippery slope" then it's not a good mindset. Not saying that is your outlook, but it can be tempting to think we can control a "bad" outcome by trying to nip it in the bud. It won't change what's inside of her, it'll just surface later. It's best to be frank and voice concerns to the full extent when it's a comfortable moment.

No. 304120

>That said, being bondaged and letting someone you trust gently take care of you and caress you can be a relaxing experience, not necessarily a violent one.
This, it doesn't have to be some violent dominating setting with whips and chains but letting someone else take control, for a sperg like me it's an appealing thought that I would have someone else take the wheel for a moment so I wouldn't have to be in the depths of my mental chaos all the time. Personally that's the appeal of bondage for myself.

Of course anon shouldn't certainly do it if she feels uncomfortable about it but she should voice her concerns and discuss why her girlfriends wants to do it and why she doesn't so that you're both on the same page at least. Like >>304106 said it'll surface later if you don't talk it through.

No. 304155

im getting really jealous and bitter over my 11 year old brother having his first crush on a girl and knowing i’ve had dozens of crushes from his age upwards and nobody celebrated or cared because i’m a lesbian and i can’t tell anyone. this is so dumb but i feel like tearing up. i only have my friends to tell this stuff to and while i’d probably never discuss my love life with my mum or stepdad but it’d be nice to have the option.

No. 304159

Gen z lesbians (my age) be like
>multiple self diagnosed illnesses
>obsessed with the concept of gender
>into stuff like ageplay? and choking???
>obsessed with image and social media
>glorifies bad health /habits
I have therefore decided to pursue based millennial women whether I am supposed to or not. Wish me luck sisters.

No. 304162

Good luck, I've noticed many millennials also want older women (or at least their own age). I hope you succeed though. I'm an elder zoomer and only younger thembies or weird (self-identified) asexuals have shown interest in the last couple of years.

No. 304163

Same but
>Sex workers/strippers, a lot are anorexic
>Sloppy stoners
Ofc there's the troons and bisexuals who try to include men in, the gen z dating pool is a mess. I also find it hard to be attracted to w lot of them since their bodies types only ever seen to be super skinny or obese, very rarely any healthy looking ones

No. 304172

Hella late millenial here, I'd never date a zoomer kek

No. 304173

Anon I was literally throwing a tantrum about this just today to the point I almost cried kek. I was thinking about all the crushes that I never pursued because I didn't have the option to begin with due to not being a man. Every moid who treats their girlfriend like shit should unironically be put down for not realizing how privileged they are.

No. 304174

>>304162 thanks anon, you looking for an older woman too?
>>304163 i need girls my age to touch grass, clean their room and delete tik tok PLEASE
Are ‘sex workers’ a considerable demographic amongst gen z lesbians? Sad if true
>>304172 i respect that, and know that there are millennial women who would anyway

No. 304176

I'm 25 and never been in a relationship. Plus I live in a eastern euro shithole. Is there hope for me nonas?

No. 304181

>thanks anon, you looking for an older woman too?
I feel like I can't be that picky in general for several reasons, mostly personal ones. It also seems a general SSA woman thing to be into older women. If everyone is looking for an older woman, what is supposed to happen? Who takes one for the team and goes a tad younger? So I'm open minded to a certain degree, but I'm not looking for a soulmate anyway. Just casual dating with someone who is interesting, attractive and not too annoying. Which is still easier said than done.

No. 304188

>Are ‘sex workers’ a considerable demographic amongst gen z lesbians?
Yes. You forget it's easier than ever for women to do sex work. Plus I feel like sex work has always been a huge thing among gays and lesbians and troons

No. 304189

Only pursue them if they express interest, honestly. I'm personally not into younger women and I get annoyed when they exclusively hit on me IRL when I dress gay. Never really understood the whole "older woman" obsession anyway. 30-40+ year old women on apps aren't the same as the beautiful mature women in movies.

No. 304190

Tbh i find girls my age most attractive. I just wish for a more millennial personality. And you’re right, we can’t be picky rip kek

No. 304201

My millennial friends say I have a boomer personality with occasional zoomer lingo. I went too far kek

No. 304223

You can be as picky as you want, just know the risks. Women‘s standards are already in hell and keep lowering by day. How is taking in anyone in your life will benefit you? You will just spiral lower and lower with a person you don’t even care about and at the end of your life what will you have then? Stop lowering your standards like some desperate het

No. 304233

Nta kek idk about you, but considering the datingpool being absolutely tiny, it wasn't exactly uncommon for two women to date solely because you're the only two lesbians in the whole area. It's not being a desperate het, it's our own tradition due to literal scarcity. The only difference now is that you can use social media to see what you're missing out on and to avoid touching grass. Not everything has to be for life either immediately or else it's completely useless.

No. 304234

Like ‘ong these damn kids need to know what hard work looks like no cap’? Kek
>hit on irl
>get annoyed
Girl wtf? Of course they’re hitting on you when you look gay. How is that a problem? You must feel so blessed!

No. 304235

Hate to be all judgemental but to me someone "looking for an older woman" is a red flag, either they don't have the social skills necessary to get along with their peers or manoeuvre their social circle so they think an idealized older person will understand and nurture them, so they have unrealistic expectations. OR they want a substitute mommy who takes care of them unconditionally.

No. 304244

>Like ‘ong these damn kids need to know what hard work looks like no cap’? Kek
Kek that would be funny. No, I guess how tired of life I already sound, how much I already experienced and sometimes sound a bit paranoid schizo. Some I met online first and they admitted they thought I was some 40-50 year old, until they randomly saw obvious zoomer words and had to grab urban dictionary to translate.
>Girl wtf? Of course they’re hitting on you when you look gay. How is that a problem? You must feel so blessed!
I used to have that happen to me back in the day, but not anymore. I really miss it. I don't know whether I got so much uglier or the problem is that I'm still stuck with butch babyface syndrome. Or maybe because being masc isn't seen as a sign of being gay anymore, but that they just assume you're a straight TiF. What's the point of being a flaming homo sometimes, I swear just joking/exaggerating.

No. 304250

There's always hope, nonna!
I've found my first serious gf around your age too. Just when I was making peace with being single for life and was only looking for some random gal to play board games with. Incredibly lucky considering I live in smallish euro country and stay out of local L community.
So, don't lose hope, it can definitely happen to you too! In the meantime, enjoy your freedom, it has some perks too.

No. 304254

She was saying it's exclusively younger women that hit on her. I have that happen to me a lot too and find it annoying. I'm really not interested in anyone who isn't my age.

There is hope but being in that part of the world, I worry about your safety. I am rooting for you regardless nona.

No. 304321

AYRT. I mean I exclusively get younger women hitting on me, like >>304254 said. I wouldn't complain about being hit on by women when I purposely try to flag, lmao. I don't find Gen-Zs attractive, so I'm tired of how people assume I'm into dating someone younger just because I'm visibly gay.

No. 304331

File: 1671235528147.png (19.32 KB, 210x240, maya-ibuki-neon-genesis-evange…)

I'm angry. I don't know many lesbians in general, so I don't know the inner nuances of a lesbian social circle, but do lesbians just tend to hate other lesbian couples for no reason after just meeting them? Family member has a lesbian friend who makes comments about other family member and her relationship with her girlfriend of 5+ years, saying 'haha they are so fragile and will break up I just know it, one of them will cheat haha, I love reading people I'm such a people reader and your sister and her gf will break up' pretending like she's playing 6d chess and breaking the matrix apart to scry that my family member will lose the strongest love she's had in her life. Like, she isn't even a close family friend, I don't think she should have such a strong opinion about it. Maybe she knows better because she's been in more relationships with women than they have, but it's annoying. Soz for the blogpost but tbh this entire thread seems like a lot of blogposts.

No. 304340

She seems extremely bitter and single.

No. 304341

She sounds like a bitter femcel.

No. 304346

yeah i agree with these other anons she kinda just sounds like a sociopath

No. 304382

reposted a question from the vagina thread because maybe other lesbian may understand better, sorry if it's too much for here.

I think I have a thick hymen, do you need to get it surgically removed ? I can put 2 finger max and it's incomfortable, and I can clearly feel there is a narrowing at the bottom of my vaginal canal before the actual end connection to the vulva. I don't have penetrative sex so it's not a huge issue but I wonder for the futur if it's not better to get it removed when I'm still young.
Honestly if I could get it riped open without blunt force it would be good because it's so painful.

No. 304395

File: 1671274520303.jpg (Spoiler Image,124.1 KB, 1600x1331, types-hymen-imperforate-annula…)

You can stretch it out somewhat, give it a try while being respectful of your body and its limitations (do NOT force yourself into discomfort and pain). If it is indeed thick tissue like you suspect, stretching will not do anything for the long-term, you will need to get it removed surgically.
tag yourself nonas, I'm septate

No. 304396

Nayrt but how do you know how your hymen looks?

No. 304399

I have permanent hymen tissue that runs through my opening & I found out when I was trying to remove a tampon and couldn't. Because it got caught on said band of tissue. Hurt like a motherfucker.

No. 304409

That sounds horribly sore, I hope you found a way to deal with your hymen. I hate tampons and only wore them twice. I get so easily distracted I’m scared I’ll forget it’s there and just die.

No. 304417

Ik its our biology but the fucking tears or cuts or whatever makes me so uneasy. Denticular,cribriform, labial, fimbriated, septate, and the fucking parous introitus are hard. To look at. Esp septate.

No. 304431

Thanks for answering!

No. 304435

I never looked at myself with a mirror and now I want to seeeeee

No. 304466

my name means moon too so that is somewhat neat.

No. 304468

There's a good chance you have none of these, these are congenital abnormalities that affect less than 1% of the population. Hopefully >>304382 does not have this going on and just hasn't done much penetration hence the tightness.
I still use tampons as I hate pads and can't use a cup, I've just learned to angle them properly. Stretching helped widen whatever I could so it's not as big of a problem as it used to be.

No. 304538

I hope this isn't a stupid question or anything, but how are dating apps for lesbians? I've never actually used one and have resolved to try it out next year. I've seen pictures online of revolting TIM profiles and the like, but obviously that's just a selection of the worst and I think I'm just overreacting a little bit by being afraid of being harassed by TIMs/perverted moids. I think I might be genuinely happy if I just get to know a woman my age who's into video games and nerdy shit, preferably a fellow autist, someone I can relate to. I guess I don't have much life experience and I'm just kinda immature and insecure, but I think that maybe it'll be worth it and I just need to stop being so scared of things that I'm just blowing up into massive proportions inside my head. I'm sure that dating apps aren't all troonsbians or spicy straights, and I'm just worrying over nothing.

No. 304561

HER has been discussed upthread a few times. As I said last time, it's overwhelmingly real women in my area but most of them are the kind to put super obnoxious filters over every single one of their pics… that said it seems at least half of the users are other lesbians?

No. 304562

samefagging, men are still there and still like me all the time but you can block them (there's even a block option for just ''''not my type'''' kek)

No. 304589

It depends on where you live, it doesn't hurt to just install a few apps and see who is around. Nearly all dating apps except for Lex (which is a "queer" app that works like Craigslist personals) requite matching with someone to message, so even if half of the people in your area are queerios or TIMs, you won't get "harassed" by them if you don't match with them. I get liked by all kinds of gross people, but I don't swipe them, so I don't get messaged.

My personal issue is quality, though. I get matched with actual women, but they tend to be flaky, not interested in talking, and want the opposite things than I do. I've currently haven't gone on one date despite using these for over a year, but I have friends who found partners from meeting on them. Personally, I wish more people like you were in my area. I don't know why normies match with me when they don't even like any of the interests I list in my bio.

No. 304607

File: 1671376106020.jpg (218.9 KB, 719x924, 1666136565766708.jpg)

I hope we all get to kiss someone under the mistletoe. I wish it for all of us someday with our special someone.
This year was tough but next year will be better and I wish everyone on lesgen a happy new year! Any new years resolutions? So I can get a bit more confidence in dating I've lost over 25lb! I hope to hit a desired goal by next year in March.

No. 304684

congrats on the weight loss! In the next year I'd like to make more female friends.

No. 304689

Congratulations on your weight loss journey, I recently did the same thing but now I'm so exhausted by dating that the only thing I'm looking forward to kissing under the mistletoe is my housecat! I've always been a serial monogamist so taking time away from dating is a positive shift. My resolutions for the new year are to continue to focus on my self improvement and financial success

No. 304706

gay ass blog alert
I feel tentative about being who I really feel I am, because I prefer how people treat me when I look feminine.
I tried so hard to be feminine when I was scared of being a homosexual. Before that, I had dudeish body language, clothes, and hair, and was comfortable that way- didn’t think twice. Coming back to it feels like I’m getting my confidence back. I’m no longer pretending to be someone I’m not. I can walk with my head up now and it’s nice. And i can be visible to other homos.
But I am scared to look like a ‘visible dyke’. My family makes fun of women that look that way, and i feel sensitive about other women rejecting me as a sister. I got called a lesbo a lot a few years ago in school, but what hit the hardest was other girls treating me like an outsider, a predator. I like how, whilst I’m feminine looking, and trying to act feminine, other women treat me more like a familiar, strangers trust/want to help me, and i feel accepted by my family. My feminine sister thinks I’m just ‘trying to be different’ when i dress in a way that feels like the real me. My long hair feels like a burden, femininity feels like cross dressing. So it feels conflicting. I don’t know if i should be my true self with confidence, and take the loneliness that comes with it, or continue to pretend to be someone I’m not and be loved.

No. 304719

Get you a woman who can give you an amazing fade! I look so fucking good, after getting rid of that shaggy grown out buzzcut I feel much more confident. The clippers were loud as hell though, and now I have a headache. I'm trying to convince her not to buy a new one, she has no idea there's one in the closet waiting for her for christmas.

No. 304780

File: 1671459962514.jpg (47.91 KB, 1196x812, E5KJLtOWEAgKtVW.jpg)

Last year my resolution was to make my new gf happy. She says I succeeded at that, so this year I want to make another one but not sure what yet. I was gonna aim to get better at oral but I'm apparently way ahead of the curve on that now…

I'm masc and extremely visible as a dyke, just to preface this. Don't bother feming it up, you already know in your gut that it's wrong for you. Presenting in a way you're uncomfortable in your own skin leads to feeling like you didn't live your life for the duration spent doing that. Live your life. Occupy your body. You will need to work on tuning strangers (and shitty relatives/friends) out but that does get easier the more you do it. The answer is never to bend out of shape for others. You know it feels wrong already, don't do this to yourself. You owe yourself the dignity of standing firm and true. Love you nona, you are a woman just the same as every other woman even if you look "masculine". Besides, gender non-conformity for women is mostly just being natural. Feminine trappings are all things women do to their bodies (hair removal, makeup, uncomfortable clothing, positioning hips to sway or sit delicately etc).

For some reason I look better in the puffy stage everyone hates than with a super clean buzzcut. I do fade the neck and clean the ear area though.

No. 304823

Oh damn nonna that was really sweet. Yeah, i don’t want to live someone else’s life. It’s hard to ignore family you’re so close to, but getting to know other lesbians this year helped a lot with feeling like an outsider. Hope you and your girlfriend have a good 2023 together

No. 304826

Yeah it’s another virginal advice post but I’m in my early 20’s and I’ve never really dated as my family is conservative. What is it like dating as a masculine woman who doesn’t shave or anything? Are most zoomer women turned off by body hair, is it a deal breaker? I’m not compromising and shaving either.

No. 304831

Most zoomer women seem to be turned off by the whole masc thing in general. I don't know, it seems to be viewed with suspicion, or as a challenge to overcome. That's just my experience though. The women who are actually into masc women, like proper masc, not the "tomboy" meme where it's a feminine woman in some t-shirt and jeans, know to expect that you probably don't shave. The best ones like or love that you don't shave.

No. 304835

I'm late 20s but seem to have mostly early 20s interested in me, they eat the masc thing up in my experience.

No. 304852

Thanks nonnas, I did tried multiple time trought the years but it does sadly not stretch at all. Idk how to go at it to a doctor, but like I can't put a tampon in without it feeling like absolute misery. Thanks god I'm a lesbian or the trauma would have been real

No. 304857

Yeah, that’s what I was fearing. That’s been mostly my experience seeing SSA women talk about it online or some irl. >>304835 Where do you two find women who are real about it? My limited knowledge about women on dating apps tells me that zoomers on there aren’t very progressive in our respect.

No. 304876

Apps and out in the city tbh. I'd say the gay community in my area is rather big on gender non-conformity. I'm not gonna assume anything about you or your situation but in my experience paying mind to what others will judge me with has been a massive waste of my energy. My confidence is firm and I believe this is one of the most attractive things about me. If you own yourself, that comes across. I sometimes see people fixating on their fashion or "flaws" or whatever but what's actually getting in their way is their palpable lack of self-esteem. That is a killer.

No. 304940

sup gaylords

No. 304970

Is a girl taking too much time to make a move a deal breaker for you ? It's been 3 dates with this girl and I didn't even dare to kiss her even though she was craving it. Now she's a bit cold by messages so I'm afraid I missed my chance. For info she's bi.

No. 304974

Not at all. Sometimes you have to be ready to make the first move. For me that was five nights at freddy’s roleplaying with the girl i liked. It’s ok to be awkward, she probably feels awkward too.

No. 304980

i'm gen z and loooove butch girls but it's hard to find ones in my age range that don't identify as trans or nonbinary

LMAO where do i find an autist girl like that for me. fr though especially with bi girls i find it is best to be pretty forward, they're used to men who make the first move. on that note i am going on my first date ever with a girl in a few days!!! wish my luck ladies

No. 304981

Bi women definitely want you to act first. Maybe she'll start to understand she can't be the woman and you the man later on but at least starting out you're gonna have to play the scrote part. Make the move.

No. 304983

NTAYRT and sage for OT, but that's so funny and cute. I did the same exact thing with my partner, just with Friday Night Funkin' instead. I feel like fandom roleplay is THE hobby that attracts all the weird gay women.

No. 305023

Damn that was cute

Yeah I know I have to make the move but damn it's been so long I've not been on the dating scene I'm shitting my pants kek

No. 305025

Feels good that I already put the pain of the past with my ex behind me. Thank you for everyone that gave me advice. I'm now single and open to love again and feel so free . I feel the final hurdle is coming since they might talk or approach me in the holiday season as they are 'excuses' . I want no contact. I'm excited of the prospect of finding new love in 2023.

No. 305041

I wish there was a dating app for nerds. I like anime, games and other shit that makes me too much of an autist for normies.

As a lesbian our dating pool is already the smallest in the community so finding a woman who doesn't get too nerded out by me is so hard. Granted I haven't spent more than a month on an app at once yet because I lose motivation fast.

I just want a nerdy gf who goes apeshit at her nerdy ass hobbies and is fine with that. I feel like most women I met on apps (granted I am a zoomer so the dating pool is TRAGIC) just never seem to click with me or only like my body and nothing else.

I'm just hoping my vidya playing, troon disliking, weeb cake enjoyer gf drops from the sky. I just wanna have dates where we spend the night in, sperg about anime, games and comics and eat the cake/food I make. I wanna be able to listen to her talk about why she's malding at work or how she feels about the most mundane shit. My dream gf would be on the chubbier side tbh and hopefully older than me. I like the idea of being able to learn from her and also see things from her perspective. Someone who gets smug or cheeky the moment she has something up on me would be great too. Someone with gap moe is honestly my ideal. I want her to be so different to what whe comes across as.

I'll even take an animal crossing plant mum at this point I'm beyond down bad

I'd sage but finding this thread took me a while so

No. 305043

you know EXACTLY how a dating app for nerds would turn out ugh imagine the scrotes it would attract

(that sad i deeply want the same thing)

No. 305044

File: 1671947981049.jpg (82.03 KB, 523x680, 20221211_220003.jpg)

I feel the same anon. Your date sounds like a perfect night for me! I'm glad that at least I'm someone else's ideal, you give me hope for dating. I don't really like dating apps though, and sadly I think I'm going to open my dating to younger people (I'm 29) because thise are the only ones I attract. I like adding people on discord tho and getting to know them so hopefully one of these days it's a woman in my area. Good luck anon you sound like a dream come true.

No. 305108

I'm around that age too and mainly attract younger women, but you'd have to put a gun to my head to make me date someone under 25. A lot of them are so immature, overly woke, and wear their mental illnesses on their sleeve. I guess it's no wonder why Gen-Zs tend to drawn to younger Millennial types because well-adjusted ones tend to be none of those things, but I'm only really attracted to stable women my age. I'd rather be lonely than re-enact some Gen-Zer's weird fanfic pairing kek.

No. 305113

I'm getting desperate enough to say yes but I know logically I should just say no and stay firm in my beliefs.

No. 305117

The lesbian dating pool us full of autists don’t worry girl lol
Hope your date goes well! I love hearing about lesbian first dates, I’ll wait for you update and wish you luck. Very exciting for you!
I don’t want to ask too much but i am curious how you can roleplay a game like that lmaoo
Yeah i don’t know why girls my age almost flex their mental illnesses.

No. 305121

File: 1672021907829.jpg (64.86 KB, 425x640, kd.jpg)

Where do you plan on going if this site dies? It shouldn't be so depressingly hard to find an online place where women can say they like pussy and hate dick

No. 305122

The 4chan lesbian thread. But there is no place like this on the internet. Makes me sad.

No. 305126

>I don’t want to ask too much but i am curious how you can roleplay a game like that lmaoo

With enough autistic passion and sperging over minutiae, you can roleplay anything. Don't let your dreams be dreams, anon.

No. 305158

Ayrt and honestly yes, men would absolutely ruin it and incels would deffo get it banned. I'd ask for a specifically lesbian nerd dating app but the market is too small and would 100% get swarmed by troons. They already ruined my experiences with dating I couldn't see them so openly destroy something so perfectly niche.

No. 305159


Nonna do you wanna be friends? I'm 20 and you sound awesome. We could rant about your day if you want

>be me

>great taste, no shame
>shooting my shot on a message board

No. 305161

she already said why she prefers older women though and it's because of the red flags in most women her own age

No. 305162

I would love to be friends with other lesbian anons so that's a definite yes! You can drop a burner or something so in case someone not from this gen plays a trick on you or something.

No. 305163

There is one app that markets itself as a 'third' and they use the term unicorn . It's honestly so disheartening because no one seems to take lesbian dating seriously, not even the ones who are the developers or anything.

No. 305164

>Granted I haven't spent more than a month on an app at once yet
wahh wahh give me gf but no effort, only nerd whine

No. 305217

I admitted to being lazy kek. don't be salty at self awareness nonna. Learn to be something other than salty


I really want to but troons lurk here and I don't wanna get doxxed. Might make a burner just to speak to lc users.

No. 305219

You can post in the friend finder thread! Let me know if you do. Good luck.

No. 305220

Do troids not troll the 4chan thread 24/7? I used to lurk on /lgbt/ a lot and it often felt like they were shitting on the evil cis dykes nonstop

No. 305221

Yes unfortunetly. They complain that cis lesbians are evil but I think that's everywhere . Tbh I've not felt welcome in most threads outside of this one because I've seen lots of straight women say homophobic things.

No. 305256

too much men on 4chan, doesn't feel the same as here

No. 305272

File: 1672169313376.jpg (161.11 KB, 920x951, 119-1192269_question-mark-clip…)

Did anyone else's preferences in women make them repressed for longer? I prefer bigger women (like obese) who are shorter than me, as well as other preferences that aren't uncommon, for example. The lesbian media I happened to see was all thin anime girls/cottagecore models making out that "nonbinary lesbians" in my fandom spaces liked. I wasn't attracted to that, so I thought I wasn't lesbian.
Even joining my schools's Gender Sexuality Alliance club (GSA; straight people are encouraged to join as an allyship thing. It's a thing in the United States) and being in overly "queer" online spaces (because of fandom) didn't make me feel safe regarding my repressed sexual feelings. I never knew where to begin. To be fair, I was under 18 at this time, but there is massive pressure in fandom spaces to say what you are sexually to the point some won't respect you solely because you're not "gay."
I think there's a lot to be said about "is same sex attraction envy? Where is the line drawn between the self and the subject?" and "what are ethical romantic preferences?" that could be discussed in "queer" spaces, that aren't, because the people in them are too young to really care or know, and/or simply straight up faking their attraction to fit in with their social groups. Either that or I'm not looking in the right places.

No. 305274

Maybe stop idealizing unhealthy body types for women then? You're no better than scrotes

No. 305282

She likes fat ladies, let her be. This is a lesbian thread. She likes obese women let her express herself.

No. 305284

Liking women who are killing themselves with food is gross and toxic sorry but it's true

No. 305288

is this a troll ? there are a lot of fat lgbt girls and it's even kind a cliché.

Shut up, you wouldn't say the same if someone said they liked Bella Hadid or something

No. 305292

yeah for lesbians especially i think the majority are overweight

No. 305297

I would and I do, and you still have the same reaction of "you wouldn't say this to obese girls". Stop beating around the bush and face the issue

No. 305303

Yeah, kinda. I honestly could never get into a lot of lesbian media because I never found any of the women attractive (shallow, I know), and a lot of the ones I did find attractive were kinds of women I likely wouldn't be into IRL. Before I started talking to lesbians, I thought they were all either butch or femme (note: I was 14 lmao) and I was confused because I'm not into butches but hyperfeminine women with a face full of makeup looked uncanny and gross. I wonder if it's because a lot of "representation" just shows palatable thin pretty girls, when there's a wider range of expression IRL. It also took awhile to realize that the women I admire visually are different from who I'd be comfortable pursuing IRL and having sex with.

If she meant "obese" as in 400 pounds and immobile, then it'd be gross, but I know girls who have a little stomach fat and are considered "obese" by their doctors because of their height+BMI. Or have medical issues that make it hard to lose weight even with diets/medications. I personally prefer slightly chubby girls (not slobby and unkept, obviously). I dunno. I highly doubt nonny is one of those fetish types, but very fat lesbians exist, and I guess it's good that someone likes them.

No. 305305

File: 1672188797205.jpg (286.39 KB, 1536x2048, 20211219_215608.jpg)

I think chubby girls are so cute and wife material. But the girls that usually like me are taller than me and slimmer/fit. I think people like to get the opposite of thier body type because it's fun and interesting. Especially in lesbian relationships I usually see couples that there is a bit chubby one and a skinny or fit type. I'm chubby but not obese and I carry my weight in hips/butt/ breasts / thighs, it's because of the Latin American genes. I get attention from women that are the opposite of me…and sadly younger. I'm one of the anons that want a woman my age sadly. Also, I think I don't have a type specifically but whoever I develop a crush on becomes my type.

No. 305309

AYRT. I actually am chubbyish too so my preference may be a cope on my end. It's a form of reassurance since I'm insecure over how even when my BMI was on the lower end I had some residual fat, but I'd be able to look past it on someone else. I actually had a phase where I only liked skinny women, but I think it was a self-esteem issue. Now that I worked on myself I find my own body type attractive, but I can appreciate others like fit or muscular too, I just prefer curvy and full-figured. I kind of have baggage with skinny women though, lot (but not all, obviously) treated me really bad for being chubby during puberty and I used to have an ED to try to become skinny, so I'm less likely to go after one. If a slim/fit woman was respectful of me and interested, I might give it a shot, though.

I also am only really attracted to women my age. I actually feel really guilty that I'm not into younger women because they tend to like me and have the same hobbies, not to mention the local scene tends to be populated by them while everyone my age is already partnered. I just don't relate to them when it comes to coming out and upbringing, and they're not attractive to me.

No. 305311

I am actually on a weightloss journey right now and I am starting to dress exactly how I want to dress and I guess this confidence strikes other people. I don't use apps but the girls that have come up to me to flirt are all super young.
I'm 29 and I also have the same issues as you with younger women. There are so much here that like me, and even if I talk to anons online they're so far away irl and I wouldn't be able to go on dates with them either. You sound nice, I want to take a girl out for a nice coffee date. All the women who are my age are several different states and countries…I have hope though

No. 305323

Same, at this point I'd be open to a long-distance relationship (if it was in the same country of course, I don't want to break my own heart with someone farther away) but finding single lesbians around my age that I can click with is so hard. The last woman my age I befriended and have so much in common with has a girlfriend IRL, and I know damn well she's not going to leave that for someone like me. I don't really live in an area with single openly gay women (I've had some early 20s women flirt with me though, which made me really uncomfortable because I internalized that being same-sex attracted is for "young people" and that I'm too hung up on age despite having bad experiences with younger women in general kek), but I don't use apps either anymore because I don't like who I attract. I wish I could just tell a woman my age I think she's cute and take her out to coffee, but the chances are she's either straight and gets uncomfortable.

No. 305324

I don't think people understand how forgiving the BMI scale truly is unless you're American who thinks a 10 lb fupa is only a little stomach fat. I knew people who looks chubby at the high end of the BMI scale, unless you're a body builder there's no way in hell you have an obese BMI without being super fat

No. 305325

Aw anon, I wouldn't mind being friends with you especially because I don't think it's the first time I've commented to you. Would you be comfortable with a throwaway email?

No. 305339

On the topic of fatness, I was kinda chubby most of my life, until I turned 20, then I got seriously into fitness and nutrition and now I get a lot of attention from people (most of it is unwanted). I don't know how to feel about it, cause now in my mind all people are shallow and only care about my looks, so there is no point in getting into serious relationship, since they will abandon me when I turn ugly because of old age or some accident.
I know that this is all in my head, but I can't get over that thought, even though I know I wasn't objectively good-looking and know that there should be something that might attract a potential partner to me in the first place.

No. 305340

Anon I lost a little bit of weight recently and the attention I get is really dumb. There is a part of me that makes me really annoyed that no one cared about me and treated me differently with 25 lb difference. Out of curiosity what are your most favorite meals that you have to help you in your fitness?
Also maybe I can give you an idea? Try to 'date' with bad pictures or something, or maybe even flirt or talk to someone who doesn't even know how you look and then maybe you can charm someone that way you can feel better about this?

No. 305349

I think it's just because you stand out now. Being chubby/fat has become the norm. Fit or skinny figures are not so common. Natural that people notice you more, but I understand how shitty it can feel.

No. 305359

Yeah, absolutely! I just made a new email too so that'd be fine.

No. 305371

Idk where you live but with 67kg for 170cm Im usually the heaviest in a room of young people. It's not the norm at all to be chubby

No. 305373

Ok, thank you anon. Post a throw away email in the friend finders thread and a little post so I know it's you so we can stop messing this thread.
Yeah im at the 'chubby' at most just wear my weight well. I think I know what you mean because I hear 'thick' being used to describe me when before I'd always get looked over. I'm losing more weight and really like my figure so I think that I'm going to use a high level of discernment when people approach me. Unfortunetly we can't understand or realize others true intentions of each other. We just have to take the plunge because there might be other women who really want to get to know us.

No. 305380

To add to this, I want to believe this is true but my experience has been different. I was overweight for most of my life, then lost a lot of weight. I lived in a very health-conscious town and fat/chubby was definitely not the norm. After I lost weight I got a lot more attention from men and women. I gained a lot of weight back after a decade of being thin over the coof quarantine, and the attention from men has evaporated, which is pretty much the only upside to being overweight.

I think it's just that fat/overweight people are invisible unless they're being gross or funny. Pretty much every fat celebrity is a "comedian" or cast in comedic roles because fat people doing things = funny. There's a metric fuckton of BS packed in to HAES/fat acceptance but there are little glitters of truth in the shit heap.

tl;dr the halo effect is pretty legit and people like to look at skinny people more than fat people.

No. 305409

File: 1672264120824.png (61.15 KB, 600x598, gaypanic.png)

Nonnas, I'm committing myself to joining my college's club rugby team this semester even though I'm a massive nerd because I desperately need gay friends and a girlfriend How do I make sure I don't fuck this up?

No. 305417


Sorry to sound like a dumbass but I've checked /g/ and /ot/ and I can't find the friend finder thread.

Also is there a lesbian server of some kind that operates similarly to here? (not 4chan tho, I want a troon free space. If I wanted reddit 2.0 I'd go there lol)

I do want to get to know more of you because many of you seem like knowledgable women which I think would be great to know.

No. 305419

I linked it above. And a server sounds like a great idea. I'd be willing to join.

No. 305430

I’m scared to lose my virginity because I’m scared I won’t be able to pleasure a woman also I do an involuntarily Homer Simpson scream AH! (1-2 second yelp on average) when I coom and I don’t want my gf to think she’s sleeping with simpsons

Imagine being tackled by a sweaty aggressive woman or tackling another woman ARGH blimey i need it

No. 305433

Omg anon not the Simpsons!
I laughed a lot thank you for that. Don't worry anon I think you'll be fine especially if she really likes you. I'm still laughing at your post, I'm sure you can catch a girl with your comedic charm.

No. 305439

Oh thanks nonnie that’s really sweet, im glad i made you laugh with my sexual dysfunction ♥

No. 305456

No. 305457

this totally backfired for me because im too uncoordinated to play rugby it was humiliating

No. 305458

I'm sorry anon… at least you tried right?

No. 305494

NTA but I relate. I've also read a lot of women basically subconsciously become fat after sexual abuse or harassment as a way to make themselves invisible. Not to "traumadump" but that's something I wound up doing during my teens/early adulthood. I'm losing weight now because I want to be more attractive to myself and other women, but then the attention I get from men has almost made me relapse. I'm 100% against HAES and "fat pride" stuff, but whenever I see "fat girls are gross" type stuff, I wish more people would keep that fact in mind than assume they're just slobs who eat McDonald's for fun.

No. 305495

I'm going on a date with a girl next week (very excited, we have a lot in common and I hope we get along, this is the first real date I've gone on in years), and I wanted to ask anons how they bring up the topic of being gender critical/pretty much a terf kek, or if it's even appropriate to bring up on a first date. I'm not exactly a full-blown terf (I don't really know where I stand tbh, recently peaked), but I'd rather not date someone who is an uncritical TRA. Would any anons be willing to give any advice/share what they've done in the past?

No. 305501

This is something I worry about and will read future replies about, but when it came to vetting friends, I tend to be gentle and present myself as having more "centrist" opinions on the topic. I know a lot of hardcore "TERF" types hate that, but people who haven't peaked yet or have dealt with the worst of TRAs tend to be more receptive to things like Chimamanda Ngozi saying "transwomen are transwomen" or "transgenders are valid but hormones and surgeries cause serious health risks (especially for kids) and they have different experiences from someone born a woman or man" (this tends to be the normie opinion where I am), than endless receipts about pedophile AGPs in bathrooms. I'm also kinda desisted (but not butch, which tends to be an outlier experience), so I've talked about my experiences with gender identity too since the times I've opened up on my opinions on the gender topic, people tend to be curious why someone like me would've identified as trans in the past.

No. 305506

In a way I guess. I'm not at all attracted to most women that straight men find attractive in media like manic pixie dream girls, generic hot babes or cute/quirky girls next door. I like sassy, assertive femmes the most (my girlfriend is one and she's wonderful) and they're so ridiculously rare because men find them annoying and threatening, and as for butches I like them funny and relaxed while most of the representation is the smug fuckboy kind trying to force a voice obviously deeper than the actress can play.

>there is massive pressure in fandom spaces to say what you are sexually to the point some won't respect you solely because you're not "gay."

I keep hearing this "everyone has to be gay now" thing but truth to be told I've never seen it happen, I feel like a lot of it is just inside peoples' heads and caused by their own insecurities not being able to handle seeing straight people jokes and reacting defensively. Yeah, spicy straights are a thing, but they're usually the ones writing all the retarded thinkpieces about how ackshually we should come together to stop heterophobia because straight people can be queer too.

No. 305507

I'm a full-blown terf but I still think it's mental illness to make it your entire identity to the point you would bring it up on the first date or bring it up at all. I have trans friends and most of my friends agree with the trans rhetoric and that's just how it is, I can still have discussions with them. Hell even my girlfriend is okay with trans people. Most people agree about Jessica Yaniv being disgusting and how women have no masculine role models, but have adapted the "live and let live" mindset, like >>305501 said throwing receipts of AGPS perving out at bathrooms or all the schizo "spitroasting TERFs" tweets isn't constructive at all if you want them to understand your point of view. If you get along fine then when the topic comes up you can take a neutral stance and explain your thoughts like an adult.

No. 305544

Thank you for your input nonnies, I'm a lowkey social retard so I'm glad I asked so I don't end up saying something stupid that would be kind of inappropriate for a first date.

No. 305576

File: 1672346345856.png (4.52 MB, 828x1792, DDB85EA5-95EC-48D9-A034-ACB081…)

Why most of the “lesbians” on tiktok old and creepy and kind of give off groomer vibes. Her name is Ivf mini sarah wtf.

No. 305578

You know why.

No. 305580

Because no sane 30+ year old would be on Tiktok. That said, is this just a case of considering a mentally immature adult woman getting comments from teenagers "creepy and grooming" or are they actually doing shady shit like complimenting appearances or talking about sex? Lesbians over 25 get branded groomers for breathing the same air as minors so I'm full on jaded about this topic.

No. 305581

Is her whole profile just about IVF or something?

No. 305582

I'm not on tiktok at all and refuse to use it. I only see it on Screencaps or when someone posts it in a thread. I'm glad someone else sees the issue with tiktok. I feel the same way with Instagram and other social media. It's nice to know other people think the same.

No. 305583

Yeah, I'm 30+ and I tend to side eye women my age who are on Tiktok because of the reputation that it's a teenager website. I dunno what would be interesting on there to a grown adult unless their attention span has already been fried from too much social media. But I see "groomer" thrown around towards women past their 20s for just existing and having hobbies besides being a wagie, so I guess it depends on what this woman is even posting or who she's interacting with.

No. 305586

This particular account anon shared isn't even posting anything that would be interesting to any teenager, just basic lifestyle adult stuff and about her goal to fund IVF to have a child. I don't see how it gives off "creepy groomer vibes", is it because she's a butch or something?

No. 305587

Yeah I also side eye the people who are my age on it. There are so much misinformation and the way that they all talk and look alike and follow trends irks me and I have no patience for it. I call them the 'tiktok' kids. It seems like a waste of time for adults.

No. 305589

A lot of the older women I know who use Tiktok use it like facebook or ig, basically just browse funny/interesting videos like makeup or hair tutorials or comedy stuff. Most social media sites are pretty similar so I don’t see the problem.

No. 305597

She's trying to get money to fund her ivf and she's mostly just talking to children and thirsty older women on there.

You guys are so quick to jump to conclusions when you don't even go on tiktok and see "moc" women/gay women talk about sex education, spirituality, mental illness guidance on their tiktok live. And they are only talking to children duh that's why I think it's weird and brought it up. That's what tiktok is after all mostly stupid teenagers thinking their opinions are important and interacting with these adults. I'm not attacking you (or butches) I just want to hear others' opinions of all the weird older lesbians on tiktok. And I'm not nitpicking why would I talk about creepy straight people? I don't look for that content I'm a lesbian.

No. 305599

Or you could just elaborate better in your opening post instead of posting some random ass lesbian and going "wow isn't she creepy like ew???". You should know that lesbians on social media get marked as predators on the regular for existing, what were you expecting with a vague description like that? And what exactly do you consider "weird, older" lesbians?

>I just want to hear others' opinions of all the weird older lesbians on tiktok.

Well here's mine, it's "come back when they're begging for nudes from 14-year olds on Discord instead of just replying to teenagers and talking about wellness topics on Tiktok". Genuinely speaking, would you consider them creepy if they were straight?

No. 305601

What's the point of having a place for lesbians to talk about things candidly when you can't say anything negative or else you're reminded about how society sucks and views lesbians a certain way. Do you think I don't know this? If I just wanted agreement I would have brought this topic up to straight homophobes. You guys are too pent-up waiting for someone to attack. And you know what the only "attack" I've seen is someone saying "hey gaylords." No ones actually been attacked or called disgusting on here by homophobes all I've seen is the idea of it happening here.

Of course I would. It's something I see a lot on tiktok because I get suggested those accounts. But since you don't know what I'm talking about I guess I don't want your opinion lol.

No. 305602

??? NTA, but your post was so vague and broad that of course the replies were about other things.

No. 305603

>Posts a post made of literally one sentence saying "Why most of the “lesbians” on tiktok old and creepy and kind of give off groomer vibes" and nothing else with a screenshot of a butch with absolutely no context whatsoever
>is shocked that people were offended by it
>still doesn't post receipts or examples of this happening, refuses to clarify the point and instead gets defensive
Even on the gossip boards you're expected to post a rundown of what you're talking about. Now you're just making it look like you're strangely evasive about it.

No. 305693

sorry but it's obvious you're looking for any chance to compare someone here to a man because there's no correlation

No. 305706

>butches are gross and any lesbian existing within 100ft of a minor is a pedo
Ovarit is leaking

No. 305712

As I am feeling lonelier my taste and fantasy of women have changed. I do not consume pornography but my fantasies are getting wilder. Does anyone have any tips for grounding myself? I thought lesbian loneliness was just a meme, I have good solid friendships so I'm fine but whew. So far to combat this irregular thinking patterns I just go to the gym and put music and plan things in my journal.
I guess I have been feeling this way because I looked at the lesbian events in my areas, I am not a party goer so when I looked at the photos of the women there I felt sad because I don't think that what I'm looking for is there. I also felt sad that there are hardly lesbian cafes or even lesbian cocktail bars or restaurants and I live in a super liberal place and it caters mostly to gay men. I had the courage to go to a cafe/bakery but it got shut down sadly, I'm thinking of making my own meet up in the city where I can make some sort of book club or something.

No. 305718

Moids heard lolcow is "dying" for the 19089235th time and they're under the delusion that anyone in this thread would buy their bs. Men and tradwives still clockable as fuck.

No. 305724

I somewhat relate, but what do you mean by "getting wilder"? I hate porn, but I've had weird fantasies for most of my life, and I notice they get more impossible and abstract when I get more socially isolated. I also don't know if you're talking about fetish/kink type fantasies, but most things like that tend to be a way to "fill a void" in someone's life (for example, I used to know people into BDSM and lived a Dom/Sub lifestyle 24/7 because having a dom made them "feel more secure" and gave their life structure).

Honestly, I'm personally jealous there are events near you, because even if it's in a liberal area I'd love to go ASAP just to get out of my head. I understand that the cultures around parties and alcohol is toxic, but in my experience even LGB people who aren't party-ers tend to go anyway for some kind of community. You're not going to know if what you want is there until you try.

No. 305726

I'm pretty vanilla and my fantasies are pretty tame but until recently I think due to my loneliness they've been getting wilder for me. As in a little bit of pain, more adventurous or rougher. It's out of the ordinary for me to think about those things. I added the pornography thing if anyone was to say it's probably due to anything I consume. It's just the thoughts that kind of scare me because I've never thought about those things, it's out of the ordinary for me.
I know you're right about going there at least once,I guess I'm just being stubborn. There are a few people I know that go just for the community as you say but then I see them wrapped up in some drama sooner or later or develop an alcohol addiction. I think I'd be more comfortable in a day activity or to just talk…

No. 305768

My wife is pregnant rn (IVF) and she’s so beautiful I want to cry. I always thought that because I’m a lesbian, I’d never get to have a family, but I will soon. Found out baby’s a girl, so we’ll be living the dream life of two moms caring for a daughter. Life is good right now.

No. 305774

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Congratulations anon. You're living the dream! You'll be a great mother alongside your wife. Wishing you and your wife the best of health and many wishes to come true. May your baby be healthy.

No. 305859

What an exciting journey you two are going on! Hope you are all healthy and happy. One day I hope to build a family like this too.

No. 305885

AYRT. Yeah, that's why I say a lot of kink/fetish tends to be an attempt to fill a void in someone's life. I hate that we both had to mention not looking at porn because that's always everyone's go-to response as a "cure" when that's not always the case. I'm 95% vanilla too but I've been having weird (non-violent) fantasies sort of as a way to cope with loneliness since I'm not compatible with the last few lesbians I talked to on apps.

Drama and alcoholism are also things used to "fill a void" for people with life conditions they don't like, I go to straight bars a few times this year (but stopped because I don't like getting hit on) but I never developed an addiction because I'm not using it as a coping mechanism. I honestly think someone who goes to one party and gets addicted to drama and alcohol tend to be toxic people already, it's not like going to a party will "make" that happen if you don't have self control.

I dunno, this isn't about your post specifically, but I personally just get frustrated when nonnies have some kind community out there, but don't go because it might be full of annoying people. You can't know what every single person there is like if you don't look.

No. 305894

Ok anon, you convinced me. I'll go atleast ONCE. But ONLY because tou convinced me into it and because you are logically right and I'm spoiled to know that there is some sort of community. Dang you anon for having logic.when I get better from my cold i'll go in January. If it turns out to be a nice place I'll report back. I have a lot of self control so I guess I'll be fine.

Yeah, I know what you mean. People assume that if you have strange fantasies it's because of porn but sometimes they come out so naturally. I wish I could dive into them but even on an anonymous image board it's still kind of.. I dont use dating apps too ( I know). This year I'm breaking out of my shell and actually trying to talk to people online, and it has been without success but I'm trying really hard for self improvement to not be a lonely lesbian meme. Wishing you the best this new years as well anon, may your wishes come true.

No. 305911


No. 305917

What's wrong with IVF?

No. 305918

NTA but this is what I want to know too. I'm personally against surrogacy and am pro-adoption (not shaming nonnie, just explaining my veiws), but wouldn't IVF be fine for lesbians if their own eggs are being used and not someone else's?

No. 305921

I'm usually anti IVF but imo it's only okay for lesbians to do it since they often get sperm donations and you don't want to constantly cycle through sperm to get pregnant. The issue with IVF is that it has a predatory history on women, it puts a lot of damage on the woman's bodies via constant hormonal injections and can traumatize women with increases of miscarriage and other birth defects. I remember hearing anons in the baby thread talking about how many IVF babies end up in the NICU and taking up space that could've been used for a baby who's parents had no control over different defects

No. 305930


Future mom anon, that was honestly our first thought too. IVF is extremely predatory, and some places are shady and awful. There’s a ton of horror stories about doctors using their own sperm, or not checking the donors background, among other horrible things. I definitely acknowledge IVFs shady background

But we also pretty much have no other choice. Wife will kill herself before she lets a scrote in her body, same with me. And I don’t want to ask anyone in my family to donate sperm so baby can have “my dna.” Cause then it’s not really my bio baby, it’s scrote donors bio baby. But we went to a female run IVF clinic that works mostly with single/lesbian moms. I trust them, and so far it seems to be the right choice. I’m waiting for the day clinics will allow women to have babies with no donors

No. 305940

thanks! she fucking ditched me with no explanation! i hate to be a downer but this wasn't just my first date with her but my first date with a woman ever, i'm so upset ugh. i've put off dating for so long because of mental illness and not being confident or ready to come out so this is a great start.

i need some advice nonnies: should i keep talking to her? idk if my logic rn is because i'm drunk but barely knowing someone and them not coming to a date they suggested feels like such a red flag to me especially so early on. at the same time i barely know her so i could give her another chance and it's kind of insane of me to block and ignore her over this. but she's the only women i have spoken to since recently starting to try dating that seemed genuinely interested and took the initiative to say we should go out AND follow up on it. today she said she really wanted to come hang out with me, we've been talking about it for a week. i invite her to my house, she says she just needs to shower and get ready and…nothing. i texted her happy new year at 1am too and she responded right away so it's not like she fell asleep or forgot about me. i've had some other shit happen this week and been feeling so unlovable and like people always let me down now the year starts off with this. sorry for my drunken ramblings it just feels i can't vent about this with anyone who actually gets it.

No. 305941

anon I'm sorry that happened to you. It's a no from me. She ditched you, you cannot trust another person like that. She ditched you on your first date and she made up excuses to not go instead of being direct. I have personally learned not to be friends with flakes and have cut people like that out of my life. You don't have to block her but you should remove her. She will not give you what you want anon. I am sorry. I hope you feel better ok? Happy new year I hope you find a wonderful gf. Well for both of us!

No. 305943

sorry for that happened nonna, but this is all part of dating. you can expect to be hurt a lot in the journey of finding love. part of that journey is learning to develop thicker skin, and stand up for yourself when it’s the right time to. this girl may or may not be right for you, but i suggest playing it cool as much as you can because at the end of the day nobody is committed to you and nobody owes you anything. trust your gut and keep trying even though you’re new at this and it might hurt from time to time. take care of yourself and good luck

No. 305959

I'm not a burger so sorry if it's only IVF in the US but like can't you get artificial insemination ? It's directly ivf ?

No. 305963

I think it's cruel that anon was immediately trying to shame you for IVF when lesbians have literally no other choice if they want to reproduce, don't mind them. I know straight couples who have gotten healthy babies via IVF and not all fertility clinics are seedy back alley scams telling lies to their clients and intentionally hiding the risks. I don't want to start a whole "noooo but reproducing isn't a human right" thing here, I'll just say that people getting children via IVF are most likely the kind of parents who really want the child and plan ahead, so the kid is most likely to be brought up in a stable, nurturing environment. Studies also support this claim, the price tag alone drives away unfit parents. I'm sure you'll be fine and you'll have a wonderful little family with your wife.

No. 305996

Did she offer any explanation about why she did that anon? I have mental health issues too (mainly BPD) that impact dating, my advice is to be careful. You deserve a relationship that's mutually respectful, without those very basics it might not be worth pursuing. You could always ask her and if she skips around it somehow or is offended I say cut her loose. How did you two start talking, btw?

No. 306015

Pretty weird to say that when every other platform is the same.

No. 306025

nta but you are the stupidest person on the planet if you get "shaming a lesbian for getting IVF" out of "it's only okay for lesbians"
it's artificial insem everywhere but the issue with that is the fact that, similar to straight women, artificial sem wont immediately get you pregnant and sometimes will take a course of weeks and months even for women who don't have any known health issues and sperm donations arent exactly everywhere

No. 306038

Thank you nonna for the explanation, it's pretty logic, especially since sperm donation/ buying is complex. In the futur I would like to have kid but I don't want to have to get IVF (free healthcare where I'm from cover sperm donation and insemination or IVF so different situation). Also if you are anon with the baby on the way congratulation !!

No. 306110

Not really, I see all kinds of age groups on the other social medias like Facebook, Twitter, Youtube, etc. But it's just a knee-jerk opinion I have, I'm not disowning someone for being over 30 and using Tiktok.

No. 306118

File: 1672706506582.gif (417.43 KB, 480x270, dead-inside.gif)

Nonas I'm really in an awkward position. I never done anything with a woman before besides kissing and groping, and recently I found out a girl I had a lowkey crush on is single again and actively checking out girls with her friend. She even made friendly sexual jokes with my friend (she was the one who told me the girl is single). Since we don't live in the same timezone a relationship is off the table but a hookup definitely isn't. The problem is that I'm super torn between going for a friendly hookup and not doing anything at all because I don't want to be a pillow princess. I even caught myself daydreaming about what it would be like to have my first proper gay experience but I quickly snap out of it. At this point I'm at a standstill and my gut feeling tells me no but I also worry that I will regret this, since this girl seems like a very good option for a short fling because we get along platonically, and we're both aware it would only be mindless, no strings attached fun. I've always dreamed of being with a girl I'm just so deep in overthinking and shameful of my own complete lack of experience.

No. 306151

go for it and just take things one step at a time. if at any point you decide you dont like her or it feels wrong to pursue you can always just stop. you don’t have to go all the way with this girl, but doesn’t hurt to try and sounds like it could be good experience for you

No. 306153

The problem is that I like her a lot, I'm just too dumb and intimidated to try anything, and I'm past the age where it's considered cute or endearing. I have no idea how to do anything sexually with a woman it's so bad.

No. 306173

ntayrt but being inexperienced at a later age than straight people is very common/normal for SSA women and there’s no cutoff age for being cute and endearing. Plus you’ll likely be surprised by how quickly the anxiety melts away and how naturally it comes to you once you get started.

No. 306179

Well first of all, just because you're a virgin does not mean you need to be a pillow princess if you don't want to. If you wanna give, you can give. It's really not complicated. Be upfront about your inexperience and see if she's interested in letting you try. We all start somewhere, that somewhere being later in life for a lot of us as >>306173 said. My first experience was in my late 20s and it went perfectly because I was with a woman I felt safe with and I was extremely clear about my situation. She let me learn her body and she did a fantastic job pleasing me too. I did not manage to get her off at first (she finished herself while I sucked her nipples and fondled her the first few times actually) but the only way to get experience is to actually have sex. Let go of the idea that getting someone off as proof of your worth first, and just enjoy touching. You can't think too much about these things.

Tbh I thought I was going to feel all my self-absorbed shame and fear but when we began to touch my brain completely turned off and I went ooga booga. Now that I'm used to having sex I'm less cavewoman about it but it's still a very intuitive experience. Rest assured if you're attracted to your partner, it'll fall into place. If it's not falling into place, stop and move onto someone else!

As an aside for any virgins reading: I think a hookup with a random isn't really a great move for a late bloomer especially. Being honest with someone you actually have feelings for is a better way to learn how to fuck. If the sex isn't great the first time with a random you're probably not getting another chance with her, then you didn't learn much about how her body works. Sure, every woman will be different but there are some patterns between them that will click as you gain experience. Plus with feelings in the fold there is patience and curiosity, I believe that is a great motivator.

Anyway, that's my 2c.

No. 306245

You know what nonnies you are absolutely right. Thank you so much for your advice. I'll let her decide if she wants to make a move and from there on c'est la vie. Also >>306179 your last paragraph really struck a cord with me and put into words something I've struggled to put myself. I'll remember your wisdom and pass on this advice to my friends if they will ever be in a similar situation.

No. 306254

You literally described me, but I found my wife already, sorry, gl though

No. 306263

i wish i knew you irl nonnie, i think we'd click as i am pretty much what you describe, down to me being different than what people usually expect me to be. your date idea also sounds super cute and now i'm sad i don't have a gf to bake with and talk vidya about

No. 306266

Ntayr There's so many anons I'd love to take a chance to talk with but alas. Especially older women as I think most are younger here. I'd love to have someone nerdy my age.

No. 306273

(NTA) How old are you (or age range if that's too specific)? I've been slacking on it but I have that Proton add on that makes a throwaway address, I considered posting an email in the Friend Finder so I can talk to any of the non-Gen Z or 27+ nonnies I've had exchanges with here. This is one of the few threads on this site I post in anymore.

No. 306277

i want the same thing and find it equally difficult to achieve with normies. why can i only find the women who are my type and that might actually like me on anonymous imageboards kek

No. 306292

can someone tell me how working class men oppress women or benefit from women's oppression because i need to explain it to my friend who thinks the only problem in the world is capitalism

No. 306314

Not sure why this is here when lesbianism is a sexuality and not a political stance, but even old school Marxists have acknowledged that women's labor (being housewives, mothers, etc.) is never compensated via wages like men's labor and is often exploited due to their sex. Surrogacy, prostitution, and porn is also a form of exploited labor from women (male prostitutes/porn stars exist, obviously, but the ratio isn't 50/50). Even some communist regimes banned abortion, and I've seen "leftist" arguments that abortion is bad because it's getting rid of the future working class and outsourcing labor. I notice a lot of "leftists" refuse to acknowledge that biological sex can be a class in itself alongside economic class. Rich women are economically privileged for being rich, obviously, but they're still oppressed by misogyny. Just look at how rich women like JKR (who has described herself as centrist before posting her GC views) or conservative women like Abigail Shapiro are seen as "acceptable targets" for misogyny.

It's kinda why I'm fed up with politics and leftism despite my economic views leaning towards pro-socialism and always having progressive social views, it's almost as misogynistic as the right wingers where I am. And even Radfems in my experience have been lesbophobic and have some residual conservative/misogynistic views, I'm so tired of it.

No. 306316

NTA I'm a socialist progressive person as well but the left really alienated me lately. I'm not going to go full retard conservative reactionary over it but it made me wary of people that describe themselves as left. I don't trust until I hear about their specific views on topics.

No. 306323

AYRT, I feel the exact same, and I've been trying to unplug from politics a lot because it's something I was focused on for the last five years (both leftism and Radfeminism) and has been making me miserable and angry at the world. But even when trying to just connect with other lesbians or hobbies it still comes up (not about that anon asking a question, just in general).

>I'm not going to go full retard conservative reactionary over it but it made me wary of people that describe themselves as left.

Whenever I see a woman (especially a lesbian) have similar views as I do end up becoming conservative, I don't blame her, but it makes me super disappointed. Not to be a "centrist" but neither the left nor right has our backs, but most typical right wing views in general don't really lead to equality or conditions where lesbians can exist comfortably unless you're a Log Cabin respectability politics type. I actually used to know one right wing lesbian (center right but used to be slightly farther in the past), and she admitted that she's an outlier in her party, but shrugged it off.

No. 306329

I'm 29 actually going on 30 this year. Go for it since I'll add older anons in a heartbeat. Hope you end up making it!

No. 306335

Nonna you sound like someone I’d like to be friends with if I could. I hope you all the best for finding your dream gf, you have very good taste

No. 306348

A recent date made me realize how much I depend on other (usually aggressive femme type) women to make the first move toward getting physical / kissing / etc.
She was really shy and quiet, which gave me mixed signals. I didn't want to suddenly touch her and freak her out.
Do any nonas have advice on how to initiate touch / a kiss during a date?? Maybe this chick and I just aren't a good match because I usually don't need a gameplan, I just know when it's time. This is different though and it's weirding me out.
We have a second date tonight and I'm not sure how I feel about it.

No. 306354

Maybe this is the sperg in me, but can you ask to initiate contact? I haven't found anyone to go on a date with but I have a problem where I tend to have a forward attitude, but most lesbians I talk to tend to be too reserved to voice what they want. I don't like mutually waiting for something to happen so I tend to initiate conversation and ask what she wants.

No. 306355

I don't like waiting either, and I usually don't. I guess I'm just not as attracted to her as I have been with other dates. Maybe I need to figure out how to politely turn her down instead

No. 306359

Yeahh, if things aren't progressing with ease it may just be a red flag on lack of spark. But since she's a shy one, you could give it another chance and just ask her about her boundaries or just make a simple move like going for her hand or something that isn't too sexual.

No. 306363

Anon letting someone down is a very important skill to learn. Do it with grace and understanding. You can do it.

No. 306369

File: 1672879510379.jpg (122.56 KB, 680x899, 1f8.jpg)

it feels very juvenile and desperate to have a crush, but it gives me something to look forward to in the monotony of my life. (how many times will i make eye contact for a split-second then look away? im getting butterflies just thinking about it <3)

ive spoken to her maybe 4 times, all in the context of our uni course. ("do you have the notes" type stuff). last time i asked she didnt reply for 4ish hours and i was anxious the entire time.

she's caught me staring a few times and i think ive made my feelings obvious (but in a pathetic way.) i really do not know how to casually speak to her without it sounding like im hitting on someone i barely know? i went through her instagram to see what shes into she liked and just came back 1) with nothing and 2) feeling sort of creepy and slightly dejected while looking at the girls she follows. im fairly confident in my appearance and i dress well but im still afraid of being like the bottom dude in picrel,lol.

anyways, i dont think its appropriate to hit on someone you have classes with the same way you would at a bar or something. ugh. we dont have mutual friends. blessing and a curse, in my eyes.

can a normie sporty slightly conservative lesbian and chronically online former fujo really fall in love? i will keep u all posted if something happens.

No. 306373

Thank you nonas. I'll give it some thought and see how tonight goes. Wish me luck.

No. 306375

Good luck anon this was sweet.

No. 306413

I posted something here >>306411, other nonnies from this thread feel free to look and message if my post interests those it applies to.

No. 306415

Sounds good anon!

No. 306431

Update: (sage for blogpost)
It was another awkward night. I ended up telling her I didn't feel any romantic spark between us and she was fine with just being friends. Finding another lesbian in a small town is rare, but finding one you're attracted to is even rare-r. I felt bad about it but whatever, lesson learned I guess. Urgh

No. 306445

Proud of you. It's still valuable to have a friend IRL, if you two got along then it's probably worth it to keep in touch so you can help each other build a friend circle.

No. 306448

because i find most lesbians are feminists and not the liberal kind so there is more common ground. i also just kinda find it hard to be straight women more often for their handmaidenry. thanks for your answer. i've said something similar before and she just replies well men don't come home from work happy their wives slaved away all day without compensation even though my point was they do benefit from that labour. so many excuses but you don't hear these lefty excuses about rich people born into money not benefitting from the existence of poor people

No. 306450

I'm proud of you anon. At least you'll have a friend right?

No. 306454

AYRT, I know but it still frustrates me how being a lesbian is often seen as a marker for having the "right" politics or being enlightened when it comes to gender critical types (I'm GC for the record), or the opposite if it's around libfem homophobes. I do notice a lot of straight and male-preferring bi women tend to have a switch in their brain turn off when it comes to leftist politics. One of my irls is a "queer" bisexual girl in a LTR with a man, and she complains about capitalism and being forced to work shitty jobs to get by, but when it comes to sex work she goes "they choose to do that and it pays a lot", even though I don't see her becoming a stripper or making an OnlyFans despite considering it an equal job to fast food. Some leftists will acknowledge that a poor white person and poor black person will have the same economic class struggles, but the white person might have an upper hand when it comes to race and getting employment, but that intersectional logic doesn't apply for women (unless it's a TIM, aka not a woman).

No. 306458

so sweet. i know what you mean, it can feel very fun and exciting to have a crush but also embarrassing and stupid. i recently had a huge crush on a gay woman i met irl but got too pathetic about it and ended up getting rejected. no regrets because it really was fun to be excited about someone and have my little crush related daydreams. sometimes the journey is the reward, or maybe i'm just coping lol. anyways good luck with your classmate! hope it goes well

No. 306496

it's been such a long time since the last time I was made feel like shit for not acting feminine enough and somehow "pinging" without me wanting to.

Great start for 2023

No. 306519

Hey magnetic eye icon TF2 drawer, are you a farmer? I follow you but can't interact because I'm crypto.

No. 306558

Dude I get farmer vibes from her too. I love her art.

No. 306584

Her stuff is so demented in the best way.

No. 306930

I know the entire internet memes on muh libfems all the time but a few shit stains on an otherwise well meaning ideology doesn't mean the ideas are bad. I need to remind everyone that the answer to being disheartened by TRAs or all the misery online leftists bring up isn't to turn to conservatism because there's simply no place in their world for us. What would they consider an ideal lesbian couple anyway? Two housewifes in an asexual partnership? Or a suit-wearing butch with a femme in a floral dress? And before you say that leftists would rather us troon out than be lesbians, get real and disconnect from the internet. You're much, much more likely to be accepted for your lifestyle by a left-leaning individual than even a moderate right-wing one. A conservative society with acceptance for gender-nonconformity or homosexuality never existed because traditional values equals a masculine man and a feminine woman fornicating. The people who say "a libshit pissed me off so I guess I'll become conservative now" are so misguided it's painful.

>Some leftists will acknowledge that a poor white person and poor black person will have the same economic class struggles, but the white person might have an upper hand when it comes to race and getting employment, but that intersectional logic doesn't apply for women
This is genuinely mystifying to me how so many people understand the disparity in opportunities and societal benefits between racial groups but between sexes they just forget about intersectionality and become blind to the parallels. Transracialism being the prime example.

No. 306934

nta but isn't liberal feminism centrist anyway? Economically right, culturally left.

No. 306938

I wouldn't say it's "economically right" since it aligns with a lot of socialist values economically as well. However in comparison to being right wing/conservative even centrism is to the left of it.

No. 306944

What do you mean with socialist economic values? Maybe there is a hint of that with some socdem parties in some countries and Scandinavia has those in power, but afaik general liberalism is literally centrist and the status quo in many first world countries. People tend to think of social liberalism when they hear the word "liberal", but what many might know as "classical liberalism" is the standard and is pretty conservative and at most does lipservice.

No. 306955

AYRT. I'm not sure if you're just responding to me or the kind of person I'm complaining about (the disaffected leftists who turn conservative) because I agree with you. I think some aspects of third wave feminism were well-intentioned and useful; if I could turn the clock back and have that be the feminism now, I would. I've read some radical feminist writings and despite internet Radfems labeling common sense like "women are females" to be an opinion only they have, it's still a specific ideology I don't completely agree with. But when most people say "liberal feminism" it tends to be fourth wave, which is where a lot of this "men are the most oppressed women and having sex for money is the same as food service" nonsense stemmed from.

No. 306971

File: 1673199052377.jpeg (62.38 KB, 960x958, u.jpeg)

Nothing like eating her out, having her needily beckon me up into her chest after she finishes and being praised as she shivers under me. Manifesting good pussy and dexterous tongues for you all nonas, happy 2023!

No. 306991

Same nonna, dogs are nasty and needy. The dating scene is ass because so many women own dogs. There needs to be an app for lesbian cat and horse women.

No. 307037

File: 1673231522299.jpeg (739.9 KB, 1600x2071, B4425A76-774D-4EBF-B44C-AA4272…)

i seriously can't talk to women at all HELP ME.. its probably because of of internalized homophobia and misogyny, yet i KNOW i am attracted to women romantically, sexually, emotionally, platonically. it took me a long time to accept that i am a lesbian. i grew up being very close minded and homophobic, but i’m more secure and i’m still dealing with this annoying problem in relationships. every time i speak to a woman that is a potential partner, i put on a front of a person i think they would find attractive based on my assumptions and can’t talk to them earnestly. i didn't have any female friends when i was growing up, because of issues with my self-worth, i was quite nloggy, secluded, and i also have bad mommy issues if it means anything. i just want to be able to communicate with lesbian women without being so scared of women? i don't even mean to do it; am i terrible? or a fraud? what is happening? is this normal?

No. 307199

I can't take it. I need an older woman. I used to think the Sarah Paulson/Holland Taylor age gap was insane. Now I also need a woman 32 years older than me at LEAST. I usually have found myself attracted to people my age (25) and a bit younger, but something switched..Are older lesbian even interested in women in their 20s?

No. 307202

They tend to be complete creeps in my experience, or they came out late and are desperate. Never understood the whole age gap/older woman obsession to the point of seeking them out, it's never as good in real life as it is in fantasy.

No. 307217

Has anyone here been hatecrimed before? How have you dealt/coped with it? This is my biggest fear.

No. 307252

My friend was a while ago. She walked into a bar with her gf and immediately these two asshole moids said ‘FUCKING GROSS’ loud enough for the whole place to hear. They ignored it and went to buy a drink while the two guys were giving them death stares the whole time, when they went to the bathroom afterwards one of the guys started stacking up chairs in front of the bathroom door and trying to barricade them in while laughing, until the owner told them to stop and threatened to kick them out. When my friend got out of there she just left as quickly as possible. They were pretty upset about it but luckily it didn’t turn violent. I have head some more horrible stories about lesbian women getting beaten up and sexually assaulted and stuff though which is really scary.

No. 307261

I've not been assaulted but I've been chased and heckled quite a few times. I'm masc so it's inevitable, though when I'm with my gnc gf it dials up to 11 because it's double-faggotry when it's two women who look too gay. I carry pepper spray and wear shoes I can run in, my strategy being to GTFO if something escalates. I will get a knife sometime but really getting in melee range with a man is almost never going to work out in my favor, it'd mostly just be brandished as a deterrent. I use the pepper spray that way often as well, if a weird guy is approaching me on the train for instance I'll detach the spray from my carabiner and hold it very visibly.

It's generally just wise to avoid any altercation, you never know where a moid will take it. You could get self defense classes but the efficacy of that kind of training is widely up for debate. Assailants in the wild will have a lot of strength compared to the average woman and will not always be behaving according to the moves you're taught in class.

Reposting because I realized I said nothing of coping. It's difficult at first, you feel like this world doesn't want you in it. It is kind of true, being gay brings a lot of friction in ways hets never have to deal with. You need the love and kinship of your fellow lesbians. Make good friends, confide in them and feel loved. What the moids are trying to do when they attack you is to make you feel unwelcome. Unfortunately for them they aren't the arbiters of who deserves a little place in this world. Be around people that remind you of your true worth and stay vigilant out there. Good luck.

No. 307267

I used to know a girl whose girlfriend was killed by a guy for being a lesbian. He was going to rob her and she mentioned that her girlfriend's dad is a cop, so he just shot her, this was decades ago. I've been sexually harassed by girls for being suspected to be gay since I was socially awkward and never visibly interested in guys (no, it wasn't "hot" either, I froze up and made me borderline asexual growing up). I've never been in a relationship, but I live in a conservative area and tend to be private about my sexuality, so at this point any future girlfriend has to be okay with no public PDA unless it's in an LGB space.

No. 307316

How do I get over some of my internalized homophobia and make friends with other lesbians?

I have almost never gotten along with other lesbians. My girl friends are all straight and I have one straight male friend. I have a long term girlfriend, but she can't be my only lesbian friend! I can't help but see other lesbian women as "competition." I used to live in a very gay-forward/friendly city and the amount of infighting/cheating in lesbian friend groups that I was satellite to was insane. Maybe it's a plague amongst very young women, and it peters out the older you get? I'm 28 so I wouldn't want to be friends with anyone younger than 25.

I used to be sort of friends with this other woman during coof quarantine, but that was because we matched on tinder first and wanted to hookup before the attraction faded. After we were both partnered the talking stopped.

My girlfriend says it's internalized homophobia, I think it's insecurity rooted in an unfortunate stereotype. Is it even worth being friends with other lesbians IRL?

No. 307325

I don't make friends with anyone but lesbians at this point at 28 years of age, I'd say it's extremely worth it. One thing I like to do is pick friends my age that I'm simply not attracted to and whose type I am not. I don't think sexual tension helps matters drama-wise, though I've had some friends that found me easy on the eyes as well. When they're good about not flirting after being brushed off, it's fine. Not that big of a deal. I can't speak to infighting but cheating is a personal failing. If you're secure in your relationship and sense of self, you shouldn't stray and neither should your gf if the same applies to her. In most cases cheating is just something that can happen when a relationship is already over, it's not a cause but a symptom. I'm not sure I get homophobia vibes from you but your gf knows you so I'd trust her judgment on this one tbh.

Personally I've not seen other lesbians as competition and it's a confidence thing as far as I can tell. I trust that I'm the right one for my gf and I offer something special to those in my life. Nobody is competition, we're all swell people!

No. 307326

Thanks for the reply. I trust my girlfriend completely, and I agree that cheating is a symptom of greater problems. I just plain don't like receiving attention from people when I'm partnered, I think the type of person who would intentionally flirt with someone they knew was partnered has some other issues that make them all around not my cup of tea.

I guess the homophobia part comes from the conversations I've had with my girlfriend about this, I'm honest with her about where my thoughts come from. I'm definitely not very confident and that shows as a weird competitive streak.

Where did you make your friends? I'm not in school and work pretty long hours from home so it's hard for me to get out on weekdays. I'm also sober, so bars and clubs are out for me too.

No. 307344


Nonnie you sound perfect. I'm gonna join the discord server let me know if you'll be there lol

No. 307345


Nonnie can you post a new link? Current one is expired and I'd like to join

No. 307355

No. 307356

Nta but I am like that too. You sound like a nice person anon maybe you're thinking just a little too hard about making friends.

No. 307359

I'm single but I know a big reason why I don't get along with lesbians isn't because of competition (most women aren't my type), but I tend to compare myself to them for some reason. I tend to not relate to most lesbians and their experiences with that, which is stupid, since everyone is different. I also don't want to be friends with anyone under 25, but a lot of lesbians IRL tend to skew younger, which feeds into illogical complexes I have. I don't use apps anymore or live in a city so I don't even know where the single non-Gen Z lesbians that are cool are at.

No. 307362

AYRT, I met them on Bumble and HER mostly, sometimes on random Discords/Tumblr/Twitter/Instagram but those don't stick most of the time. I actually like the convenience of being able to filter people out based on their profiles instead of wasting time meeting random people IRL, it's much faster to find likeminded people imo. While I made these friends I was mostly working from home but full time, though I do drink socially so bars were an easy way to go out on weekends. I did meet each person during the day at a very public place though, I never met up with anyone after dark or in a quiet place for the first time. After the first meetup I would allow more trusting settings.

Not drinking complicates things because most people seem to drink. I'm not actually very hot on alcohol but it does make people feel more at ease if you drink something alongside them unfortunately. You could try a hobby group but honestly I'll always sing the praises of apps because of that ease in filtering out especially if you're in a high population area with options.

No. 307383

NTA but are there things to avoid or go for when it comes to using Bumble and HER? Or things to put in your profile besides usual stuff like job/interests? I've tried both but had zero luck, I've sworn off HER too since I attract older creeps.

No. 307406

I didn't dip into my hobbies that much, my bio was more conveying my conversational style, some things I've got going that most people don't, and I used the premade questions that aren't too obvious/first encounter convo. There are some weird ones in there I could type funny responses to. The more you show your true colors the more likely you'll meet people you click with. Try to think of your type of person and cater directly to her, instead of trying to make a job application style basic stats sheet. You're not looking for anyone, you're looking for companions that will get you. I also only had 1 or 2 simple selfies, rest were me doing interesting activities that I don't mind doing again (mostly nature related things).

For example there are some people who use a lot of emojis, like a massive string of emojis and not much text at all in their bio, which I hate because I can tell the vibe of this person is going to be annoying to me. BUT that's good, because the ways in which they're annoying in their bio will save us time. They can find people who communicate the way they do.

I straight up skip everyone who does a basic bio giving me the typical facts, I really don't care. Nobody is interesting when presented that way and that they're afraid to put themselves out there even a little tells me I won't get anywhere with them if I spent time on them. A bit harsh but I don't care for cowards and normies. I wanted people who don't mind my autism and enjoy surreal banter which I was able to get.

It does take a while, depending on what kinda person you're looking for.

No. 307410

It's entirely possible! I get in my own way most of the time.

A fellow competitor, lol. I also have difficulty relating to a lot of other lesbians! It's hard to put yourself out there without apps, that's tough.

I did meet my girlfriend on Bumble, but ditto on meeting people in a public place. I met up with a TiF (never again) out of town and she was fine on paper but an absolute nutcase in person. I do attend AA meetings which is basically the new bar/club for me :') maybe I'll try to make friends.

No. 307444

AYRT, nah, I said it's not competition. A lot of lesbians aren't my type and talking to platonically interact with them makes me feel like some interloping alien. There aren't any avenues besides apps for meeting lesbians, but I stopped using them. All the lesbians I knew who complained about not relating to others still have common ground with others or are in relationships.

No. 307487

Where do I find online spaces with only cis lesbians pleeeeeeeaase I’m tired of joining servers and seeing men in them!!!

No. 307493

No where sadly.

No. 307497


A nona posted a link to the discord, maybe try that?

No. 307504

File: 1673502387049.jpeg (23.75 KB, 275x231, E97C273C-FF90-4ECE-8308-D26730…)

My girlfriend during sex last night said she wished I had a dick while I was fingering her. I know it was probably just sex talk or smth but it made me feel dysphoric and sad today. I haven’t felt this sad about being a woman in a year and I thought I’d finally overcome my dysphoria until this. I can’t tell her that though since she’s sympathetic to trans people and I don’t want her to try and convince me to transition or smth. I just hope she doesn’t say it again. She’s a great girlfriend and I shouldn’t get so worked up over a throwaway comment.

No. 307506

I think you should tell her you don't like her saying that. If you don't want to get into a serious conversation or debate trans issues, you could just say something like "hey please don't say that, I don't like it." If she respects you and cares for you that alone should make her stop.

No. 307507

I'm sorry anon.. have you ever used a strap on for her before or would that make your dysphoria worse? I don't think she meant it in a serious way

No. 307513

If she ever says it again I’ll def do that. I know she didn’t mean anything by it since she 100% gay and has never even fucked anyone with a penis. I just tell myself if I was a man she probably wouldn’t be with me anyway so wishing to be a dude makes no sense.

No. 307534

Tumblr has some, sniff around on lesbian radblr. Menalez is one person who hosts a server called Dykery, though she asks for selfie verification and there was at least one TiM that she somehow did not clock.Unfortunately most of these servers also do seem to be okay with febfem bisexuals larping as lesbians but it's a small price to pay.

The things we say during sex are absolutely not just random thoughts, she's probably imagining you with a dick to get off some of the time. Especially if you're dysphoric you better run the fuck away. She is not 100% gay if she's longing for you to have a dick and she might have been lying about never having fucked someone with a dick. How would you even know her actual history? Anyone can pretend to be goldstar.

No. 307537

My bad, reading comprehension was not my strong suit yesterday. That makes sense.

I don't think you should wait for there to be a next time. It might be a one-off "heat of the moment," thing, but it still sets an unhealthy precedent that she can say whatever she likes to you regardless of how it might make you feel. I'm sorry, that must have been very difficult to hear and deal with from someone you are close to.

No. 307561

went on a first date with a girl earlier today and once it was over i realised pretty quickly that i'm not interested in her (romantically or platonically), and would prefer to just end things here. when should i tell her this? should i say right away or wait a day or two? or should i only bring it up if she invites me on a second date? i'm fairly inexperienced with dating and haven't been in this situation before, so i'm not sure what i should do

No. 307562

You can do it today, it's not a big deal. Be nice and wish her well etc.

No. 307564

Seconding >>307562. "I had a good time with you today, but I didn't feel a spark or connection. Thank you for your time, have a nice day!" And anything she replies with that doesn't sound like, "Thank you, you as well!" you can just block her number and not lose any sleep over it.

No. 307577

thanks nonnas, took your advice and she seemed to react well, still feel really fucking bad about having done it though kek

No. 307593

File: 1673574307421.gif (163.6 KB, 480x480, giphy (1).gif)

Turns out you were right nonna. I was a little drunk but I asked her in a casual way what she meant by it. (I tried to be kinda jokey so it wasn't like serious but I said "do you legit wish I had a dick" and she was like nooooo babe I meant we should get a strap). I need to be less autistic (im a mild sperg) and not take things literally lol. Everything is good now nonnas. Thanks for your advice. Going to see about buying a strap lol.

No. 307597

>start letting myself wear masculine clothes
>stop correcting my mannerisms to be feminine
>accept my less feminine body
>actually feel confident
>want people to call me a male/kind of unisex version of my name
Am i trooning out?

No. 307599

does anyone else lurk on /lgbt/? i used to post there sometimes but started going there less often partly because of the over the top shitting on lesbians and every other thread being timshit

No. 307651

Eh, no. Femininity is a manufactured concept and is at odds with a natural human being. some women accept the conditioning and can exist within that space, some of us can't. You're just in the latter category, don't worry about it. If anyone pushes you on this just remind them that everything you do is what a woman might do because you are female. It is your natural self.

No. 307652

Also wanna add an aversion to feminine names is normal too. Most female names are just male names with extra vowels tacked on and it always sounds ugly to me. Like actress instead of actor, same thing. You're uncomfortable being a subcategory.

No. 307661

I only go to /lgbt/ to be mean to TiMs and tell them exactly why the way they perform femininity is what leads people to clocking them in the first place

No. 307683

I sometimes lurk because I find it funny. I notice, besides the general threads, the climate changes every time I look because 4chan is a fast-paced site. Half of the times I look, I see active shitting on transbians and assertions that self-hating gay men (HSTS) are the One True Trans. Or "I'm a straight man, but I like femboys, am I still straight?" (No.) I looked at the Cislesgen once too and noticed a lot of right-wing posting and Pornhub links being shared. Weird.

No. 307688

sounds even worse than the LChat kek

No. 307715

I often think about that one anon in a previous thread who said her ideal was for her and her gf to live in two houses side-by-side where they could share a garden and a yard and visit one another but ultimately retained completely separate lives. It made me feel less insane to read someone whose ideal long term romance mirrored mine. Anyone else who struggles with craving relationships but not wanting to compromise on individuality?

No. 307750

Yes, me. I need my own space… I can't imagine being in love with someone enough to want to come home to them every day. I don't gain energy like that.

No. 307760

Yeah I even joined the server. You can be pleasantly surprised people are saner than what you'd think. The threads are awful but kind of funny.

No. 307809

May be a way bit early but does anyone have any plans or ideas for Valentines day? I wanna surprise her but have no clue what might be nice

No. 307880

Anon is right. Sometimes I feel like I’m the last sane person left when everywhere I look I see evrythng not hyper femme labeled as gender neutral. I don’t have to perform my femininity. It’s like we’re going backwards now. It’s like saying girls like pink and boys like blue. Now it’s all girls love pink or you aren’t a girl, you’re nothing.

No. 307898

I’m planning on a dinner made by myself. All I can make is pasta though so it’s gonna be corny asf.

No. 307912

Ok, idk if I’m a hot nerdy lesbian, but I’m definitely a clean, funny, dork of one and my HER profile was just like this before I met my ex. And that relationship really was amazing so follow this info nonnas.

No. 308032

I'm gonna buy myself flowers and chocolates and take a nice bath and smoke a joint. and manifest a gf to do all of that with next year.

No. 308093

NTA but having standards like that led to me never getting matches, kek. I don't know how other nonnies do it.

Yeah, I know for me it's because I want intimacy but have grown up surrounded by abusive relationships where one was reliant on the other. I can't even be platonically friends with clingy people or BPD types who can't handle not having constant attention, because I hate being "needed". I'd be okay with sharing a house and bed since I'm touch-starved, but I grew up mostly alone and friendless. I'm not happy about it, but it's the life I'm used to. Spending the rest of my life with someone scares me because of abuse, I wish I could casually date and fling, but lesbians nearby on every app I used want something serious only.

No. 308104

Be hot lol

No. 308149

I started wearing men's clothing and going by a masculine nickname and it made me feel extremely more confident than what I used to be and people compliment me all the time. I sometimes feel what most gender ideologists would call nonbinary, but since gender isn't real and sex is immutable I'm just a masculine-aligned woman. It makes everyone seethe because the gendercrit tradfags will call me a NLOG and the genderists a TERF dogwhistle, but both want to shame me into becoming more effeminate or just troon out. They're never catching me because I'd rather be a sexy cool butch than a balding manlet with a frog voice.

Bring it up with her and be honest. It's most likely that she just let it slip and didn't mean it that way and if you let it fester inside your mind instead of talking about it you'll just get worse. I mean I lament the fact that women can't grow dicks because penetration just feels good and straps are awkward, but that dick should be attached to an actual woman and not someone with XY chromosomes.

No. 308158

Yeah the confidence makes it all worth it. I think I need to realise that I’m not excluded from womanhood because of a way of dressing. Inshallah our swag continues to make trads and gendies seethe in 2023 ♥

No. 308160

NTA. I enjoy penetration, but I'm glad women don't have dicks and if a strap turned into an actual dick, I'd lose all interest. I won't deny I'm curious what it'd be like to be able to feel it too as the one penetrating, but it's more of a passing curiosity for me and I prefer other lesbians, so I don't know how many would be okay with that.

No. 308221

It's more about the convenience than some heterosexual "ooh dicks are so sexy" thing. Like you wouldn't have to go through the hassle of a strap and maintaining it or carry it around, and the penetrating would be more pleasurable than pumping a plastic rod in and out. It's honestly like a gay guy wishing he had a vagina so that it would be self-lubricating, clean without an enema and stretchy without a ton of prep.

No. 308227

Is this bait? Eugh, no no no. It's all about fingers. I don't want a penis attached to a woman at all. Absolutely not. Just yesterday my gf had me begging her to keep going with just two fingers, god bless.

No. 308229

Truly. Fingers will always feel 100x better than a massive plastic rod bruising my cervix.

No. 308232

AYRT, I get it, but I don't mind that about it. I kind of like that it's "fake". I used to be terrified of penetration because my straight friends made me think it was some violent, patriarchal, inherently painful ordeal that I had to tolerate. I was shocked that I genuinely like it more than fingers/oral/etc. I've talked to lesbians who say using straps is better in a way, because men are so selfish and don't focus on the women's pleasure, just their own, but with strap sex it's all about the receiver.

No. 308233

speaking of what you said, sometimes i understand tifs in the context of sex. i envy xy's ability to creampie, or to have a boner etc. i would kill myself if i had actually had a penis though and would never go near a real one. honestly even straps freak me out if i find them too realistic i'm moreso envious of the sensations i could never experience. not too much though just in passing, i'm satisfied with myself as i am

No. 308241

Yeah, I always felt the same too since I was young and wondered what it's like to do/experience those things. I honestly think it's normal to be curious about anatomical things like that, but a lot of TIF/AAPs take it to an unhealthy degree by trying to become it.

No. 308252

So is anyone not absolutely TERRIFIED of
pénétration? It's not even exciting to think of, and it sounds uncomfy. Whenever I'm thinking about this stuff I feel like I'm weird for preferring the idea of using my fingers on a girl, instead of receiving myself.

No. 308255

Would something more abstract like "I wish I could grow my clit out when aroused and use it as a penetrative extension of my body" be sufficient then? Fingers work well enough but because I'm a sperg who thinks they're unhygienic I remember the anon who said she got a UTI from fingering and I can't shake it off my mind ever again, feel hard and boney and often the fingernails scratch around unless they're cut down to stubs, and dildos you can't really carry around in your pockets and straps are a mess to use and only pleasure the receiver. It's really not anything else than frustration with liking penetration but lacking the perfect tool for it.

No. 308264

The fuck? Wash your hands before sex, yes cut your nails down all the way, and pee after sex. I've never had a UTI, ever. Neither has my gf and we finger each other basically every time we fuck lol.

No I don't want my clit to grow. Honestly anon you do sound like you have gender feelings, saying this as a masc woman myself.

No. 308265

Gender feelings for having thoughts about how great it would be to have an easier way to have penetrative sex whenever with minimal prep and hassle? Do you get this upset over someone saying "I wish I was cat so I could just sleep all day" or something? Do you yell "but you're not a cat and you need to go to work to earn money!!!" at them too? The original topic was a passing "yeah I know right haha" type of comment on an anon's girlfriend's offhanded line during sex and people once again are infight because anons need that daily dose of unnecessary aggression and intentional misunderstanding.

No. 308271

That's completely normal, nona. I prefer using my fingers on another woman rather than receiving, (I'm not stone tho) that's just my preference.

I've always found fingering way more erotic and intimate than strap-ons. Feeling the inside of a woman's pussy and being skin to skin is so slept on. Feels like my whole arm might as well be the strap, but with nerve endings. I hope this is somewhat understandable kek

No. 308272

Well you started it out with talking about your fondness of dressing dressing masculine (cool me too) and not trooning because you'd rather not have the frog voice/balding and then adding on that you'd like to have a dick. With your added comments now it really is starting to sound like the only reason you won't troon is that it wouldn't turn out perfect. So yeah sounds like gender envy. Implying fingers are somehow inherently dirty and rhapsodizing about growing a penetrating appendage in your crotch doesn't sound so normal to me.

No. 308277

Sorry for the hate you're getting anon. You do you and you know yourself better than some salty anons.

No. 308289

Why don't you just wear gloves? That would reduce any scratchiness. Do people do that?

No. 308297

Skin contact matters, that's why. I like my nails cropped all the way down anyway, they never get dirty and don't accidentally cause me to break my own skin when scratching myself.