Can the effects of pornography ever fully leave your mind? Like many others, I was exposed to it at a very young age. By my late teens, I decided to quit cold turkey because of ethical reasons. For years, I stayed away from it. However, a few years ago, I started watching again. It was mostly driven by self-hatred and/or as a cause of being an unfaithful relationship. Watching porn was mostly to compare myself to the women in those videos, and try to imitate their on-screen mannerisms irl, like some weird, one-sided competition between us.
Despite having quit for years, my thoughts and actions were still shaped by it. Like watching or not watching doesn't matter, and I am still going to be stuck thinking and behaving like some deranged porn-addicted moid regardless. This year, I'm committed to quitting again, for good. I was able to go a few months without it last year, but this time I want to make it last much longer. I've made an active effort of being aware of what my "
triggers" are, and thus avoiding them. I've also decided to stop masturbating, since it became compulsive, and it only frustrates me even more. It's annoying to see myself trapped in this cycle, because I am fully aware of how exploitative harmful the porn industry is. Feel like I am quite the hypocrite.
After writing this I read the medium article some nonas linked above, and it was just what I needed. Fairly motivated now.
https://medium.com/@kittyit/taking-back-your-mind-a-radical-feminist-approach-to-recovering-from-porn-use-8ae9347c3d8f