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/g/ - girl talk

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Read the post-Hellweek thread for Hellweek statistics, Q&A and upcoming updates

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No. 153246

Unsure if you're actually straight? Actually gay? Anything in between? Ask for advice here.

Also welcome are "late bloomers" who realized their true selves long after their teen years who'd like to share their experience and tell others what signs to look out for.

Please be kind to questioning anons, no matter how "obvious" it might seem to you what they are.

No. 153247

i’m not gay but i wish i was. men are hell

No. 153248

Interesting thread. I've been questioning for a long time. I was never attracted to any of the men I dated and was basically just dating them out of loneliness/mild intrigue. Have dated about 5 different men who I got along with reasonably well but have never fucked any of them because they repulsed me.

Not sure if repulsion to men = attraction women but I went on a few dates with women before the 'rona situation started and found them infinitely more pleasant but wasn't yearning to go down on them or anything. For reference I'm 24 and still a virgin. I haven't figured this out entirely but I've been wondering if I may be a lesbian with an extremely low sex drive. I'm confused though because I do find fictional anime men cute (the twinky ones) though I think this is because they resemble soft butch women which tend to be my preference IRL.

No. 153250

Lesbian with low sex drive seems to pretty much fit the bill, anon, speaking as one myself. I personally think it's a pretty awesome thing to be because it means you're not at risk of making bad decisions due to horniness kek. Of course there's still the totally ok possibility that you're bi with a low sex drive, and LBR, teen/college boys are the worst so it makes sense you were repulsed by your first dates. I think it'd help you to stop letting loneliness be the deciding factor for whether or not you agree to date someone who asks you out. That way you weed out the people you're not actually drawn to and have a clearer picture of your real preferences.

No. 153251

I'm confused as absolutely heck, but I think I might be a biromantic with low libido.

Growing up, I only had crushes on boys. But as I grew a bit older (teens) I started to get crushes on girls as well. I'm late 20s now and never feel turned on when I see a naked dude I don't know, never happened ever. However, I often get instantly turned on when I see a beautiful naked woman. Is this normal for straight girls? I've only been sexually attracted to 3 guys, and that was after I had already fallen in love with them.

Despite all this, I don't really picture myself having sex with a woman. I'm not into receiving oral sex at all, neither from a man nor from a woman. And I guess that would be a big part of it. Giving oral sex to a woman seems fine, but it doesn't really turn me on. When I think about a woman, I usually just picture fondling and kissing. I also have a lot of romantic thoughts such as hugging, holding hands and so on, when I see cute women. Never happens with men I don't know.

What's going on here? Can anyone relate to any of this?

No. 153256

I was just recently coming to terms with the fact that I might be a lesbian but I was a total virgin. I had never even kissed someone so everything regarding my sexuality was just playing out in my head and I got really comfortable just fantasizing about women. But then a few days ago I hooked up with a dude and now I don`t know how to feel. I did it out of curiosity and to see how I felt about the whole thing also I was high af. We didn't have full on sex but I gave him a blowjob and he fingered me (really hard which was a bit off-putting). I don't know but the whole time I couldn't really get into it. My thoughts would drift off when kissing and I didn't feel much excitement at all. It was more like a neutral feeling towards anything more than cuddling which I really enjoyed on the other hand. He said his mind went blank when kissing me and that I turned him on which I couldn't relate to regarding him. For most of the time I had my eyes shut and didn't really look at him and when I did I was more or less pulled out of the fantasy I was creating which wasn't about having sex with a woman instead but more about being intimate with a person without a sex (but not in the non-binary meme way). I also had a dream once where sex of the person I was sleeping with wasn't clear. So idk if this is some next level repressing of lesbian feelings.
To come back to the situation a few days ago I didn't come in the end (he did) and he said he was a bit dissapointed he couldn't do it to me. I'm glad we didn't have penetrative sex because that's a line I don't wanna cross yet in hindsight. Not to say the experience was bad and I explicitly consented to it but I feel like I should have felt differently. I just was a lot more into the intimacy of being close to someone and the feeling of being desired and being told I'm beautiful than kissing him and sucking his dick lol.
After we were finished I told him about my feelings and that I think I'm a lesbian and he was totally cool with it, saying it's fine I used him to gain some sexual experience and explore my sexuality. I still think of myself as a lesbian at this moment but I'm still confused about the whole thing.

No. 153271

not exactly questioning really but i was only attracted to women as a kid/teenager and then as an adult i started being attracted to men too all of a sudden? is that normal? i don’t know if i can call it being a late bloomer im just confused because i thought you were meant to have this all figured out by the time you’re a teen
but also in retrospect i might have had crushes on boys when i was little i just have no idea if it was platonic or not

No. 153277

I'm attracted to women and men, but for men it's only physical, and I lose all attraction when I speak to them for a while. I also don't really want a dick in me, blow jobs feel degrading, and while I like feeling full I don't want to worry about a dick in me (birth control, him going too hard and hurting me).
So I guess I'm bi, but I'm not going to have sex with a man ever again because it's honestly just not worth it. The few times I did have sex, it was boring/painful/nerve wreaking. CAN I call myself lesbian? There's always lesbians saying how they hate bi women pretending to be lesbian, but if I never want to have sex with a man again, am I still bi? Or can I say I'm lesbian?

No. 153287

I'm bi but lean so heavily towards men that I think I should just call myself straight bc if i didn't it almost feels offensive to other bi girls who are trying to break the stereotype. I've def been sexually attracted to women before but I can't imagine dating one so I think…. I'll just call myself straight. That's where i am rn.

No. 153290

Functionally, you are a lesbian. The Internet thought police don’t exist in real life, so don’t get hung up on it. If you only date and want to sleep with women, then you are functionally a lesbian, and no one is going to crucify you for calling yourself one.

No. 153291

Checking in a a gay person who realized she is gay a little too late in life. Maybe I can help some folks. First thing you absolutely must check is comphet, like NOW.

If you're a virgin it's hard to say if you're low libido or ace or gay forsure. Being a virgin usually comes with unresolved anxiety regarding intimacy, lack of comfort with physical contact in general, not knowing your own kinks or preferences, etc. It's a lot easier to tell once you've had some experiences and can look back at them critically. When 'rona is done I encourage you to try and get laid.

In fact, tons of low libido claims in the thread already. Tons of people saying they don't picture themselves having sex w a woman. Well, you grew up indoctrinated by heteronormativity, not having the internal fantasy of fucking a woman is par for the course. Sometimes intimacy comes with time, you ease in either by experiencing it or starting to consume media that normalizes things other than being straight. It will speak to you or not, but it not speaking to you right off the bat is not a sure way to know.

Before I realized I'm gay I never had fantasies about women, just sort of fixations perhaps and a coldness towards men. Comphet research flipped a switch that began my journey. It took many interactions with women, with the knowledge that I could be with one if I gave it the chance I'd given to men before. Over time, my fantasies shifted. I should say, I never really fantasized about men sexually anwyay. My daydreams would cut-to-black so to speak, I only thought about dating men and even then it wasn't sexually charged. But since I didn't know women could be in the place of men, I wasn't readily able to fantasize about them either. It came with time and consideration of alternatives. Hope that made sense.

>physical attraction to men
>but don't want penis inside
>also dont like giving head to penises
>like penetration but not by a penis
What do you think that means bud.

It's not possible to be straight or gay if you're not into their genitals in some way. If you have zero appreciation for the way that orientation has sex then youre not that orientation. More people also need to consider if they're asexual. I suspect far more people are ace than we currently acknowledge.

No. 153292

adding to just reiterate, if you're a virgin or have never been with a woman then not being able to fantasize about gay sex is normal. You don't have the mental library to fall back on, no framework. But if you've had sex more than once, with more than one partner and felt nothing then it's extremely likely you're not the orientation you thougt you were.

No. 153293

look up febfem, bi women who only date women use it but I hope it gains popularity outside of radfem groups.

No. 153296

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Im at a weird crossroads, while sex (with both men and women) seems fun in concept, everytime i had any sexual relationship it just sucked ass (and not because my partners were bad in bed), i had partners of both genders but no matter how into it and aroused i was before during sex my brain goes "ok literally anything would be more pleasurable than this" its just, neutral.
To the point one time was so underwhelming i just got up and went to have cereal in the kitchen, i just left my then bf there.
I don't even have any sexual trauma that would make sex just not feel pleasurable and im pretty comfortable with being attracted to both sexes.
Also masturbation doesn't give me any pleasure, at all, touching my bits feels just like touching my mouth.

I don't know if there's something wrong with my physically or if im the fabled asexual.

No. 153297

For me it's that I can find men attractive and they can make me blush and smile but the thought of having sex with a man repulses me to no end and all my sexual attraction, fantasies and relations center around women, 99% of my romantic crushes are female. I didn't accept my gay side until my late 20's despite being aware of it since puberty and I'm debating if it's comphet speaking or am I just a female-attracted bisexual. Sometimes it's hard to tell.

No. 153303

Yeah… I guess it's the growing up in the libfem cult side effect.

No. 153305

Sounds pretty ace to me, I hope your questioning leads to fruitful answers.
I know my anxiety sometimes manifests as sexual repugnancy or bodily dissociation, but I know that when it's good it's really good, and that sounds like it's not the case for you.
Are there sensual things you really enjoy and look forward to without a partner, like hot baths /exercising /massage /clean bedsheets?

No. 153306

why can’t you imagine dating one?
i think i’m similar but i wouldn’t say it’s off the table for me, i just don’t know what a relationship with a woman would look like or what i would do with her body. and i’m afraid of being judged which holds me back as well.

when it comes to sex i’m terrified in general of messing up my first time or it being bad/disappointing or too awkward

No. 153309

Asexual imo, totally normal. Wear that black ring if you wanna signal your asexuality and go to some meetups imo if you wanna meet other aces and never have to deal with sex again. The fact that you don't even like masturbation is the main standout for me. If it feels like you're touching any other body part then that's a pretty big signifier combined with your disinterest in sex.

It'll probably be a bit awkward but if your partner is actually into you as a person they'll find it endearing. When you love someone (or just really like them) you don't think "wow what a retard" when they fumble while they're new to something.

No. 153315

I can't imagine dating one because I get way too horny for guys and would probably miss it but not vice versa. So yeah I'm never gonna put a girl through that bs lol

No. 153317

i dated a guy and thought i was in love, turns out it was just codependency and also im lesbian now. i would hide his face and body with my hands often, yikes so fucking weird ive thought i was bi for so long, now im getting impostor syndrome again like what if ive been straight the whole damn time

No. 153328

This is extremely good advice re: having little to no sexual experience and the problem of basing large parts of your sexual identity off that. Thank you.

No. 153331

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It took me years of overcompensation and repression to realize I'm 90/10 bi preferring women, and the cope has been wild so I'll share some for questioning ladies who may act similarly:
>repulsed by idea of being penetrated
>only was into femboys, slowly trained myself through masturbation to be okay with small normal men
>in my fantasies, men would sound like women and sometimes have vaginas
>would have to fantasize about women to get turned on, then switch to men while finishing to make myself more hetero
>be very loud and OTT about loving men, made it a personality trait and would aggressively pursue men then reject the ones who reciprocated

That 10% hetero really worked its hardest to keep me in denial for years. It took more effort to bury my attraction to women than it would to find a gf kek.

Which was another layer! I felt as if having a female life partner was impossible. But following some lesbians across social media has helped that a lot. Like…I can do this. I can have a wife.

No. 153333

I'm so glad you think so. I'm rooting for all of you, including the ones that turn out straight in the end.

No. 153336

unsure if im actually bi or not, im definitely attracted to men and sexually attracted to women but i feel like im overly picky with women and dont develop crushes as easily as i do with men? im wondering if its just that or comphet

No. 153345

This just sounds like regular heterosexual, not comphet.

No. 153347

even if im sexually attracted to women?

No. 153384

Don't know why that anon said you're hetero, sounds like you're bi with a preference, like most bi people.
Comphet is more like this >>153331. When your behavior and feelings suggest a strong preference for women, but you can't imagine disqualifying men completely because of cultural pressure.
If you enjoy fucking individual women as much as you enjoy fucking individual men then yeah you're bi. If you haven't slept with both men and women yet maybe you don't know.

No. 153399

Have you ever had sex with one? Have you dated one?

No. 153411

i'm definitely not straight, but i just can't seem to get with labels for some reason. i'm very attracted to women, but specifically very "masculine" or androgynous looking specifically. sex with cis men has always sucked, but i've had really good experiences with trans guys. idk why i can't bring myself to identify as bi or pansexual. maybe it's the internalized homophobia?

No. 153420

I already posted in the bisexual thread about questioning my sexuality because this thread didn't exist yet, sorry lol. but anyways thanks for making this thread.

pretty sure I'm bisexual, I've only ever dated men though (and barely even that). I have a high sex drive, and my attraction to men is very raw, sexual attraction. I find myself almost never getting crushes on men until after they give me some kind of attention, which tells me that I'm desperate and scared to be alone. I do get crushes on women though, but I feel like my attraction to women is.. deeper? like it's more of a longing and not just raw sexual attraction.

the problem is that when I'm attracted to women they're pretty much always older than me, straight and married lol.

No. 153421

shit, are you me? I feel the exact same, said something similar in another thread and a kind anon clued me in to the potential of being ace.
sex is boring and gross, I'd rather just have a lifelong best mate

No. 153422

Comphet does not exist (for lesbians) and it's a lesbophobic concept invented by a political lesbian. I'm tired of het/bi women claiming to be gay.

No. 153423

What are you smoking? a fuckton of lesbians feel so pressured to like men and think that apathy for them sexually + seeing women as prettier is the rule that they get into relationships or convince themselves to have crushes when young. Gay men do this too.

No. 153424

Yeah becky, willingly fucking men for 10 years and then coming out as as a lesbian definitely makes you a lesbian. Feeling pressure and fucking men is not the same thing. Actual lesbians are a tiny minority in "gay" community, most are just bisexual. All "lesbians" in 2nd wave feminism were political lesbians who fucked men and thought that lesbianism is a political action against patriarchy, not in-born sexuality (dworkin, mary daly, bindel etc.). They literally invented the comphet theory. I know lesbians who never fucked or kissed men and they're tired of this shit, they can't even go on a dating site for lesbians because basically all women there had past with men (or are still fucking men). The best part is that women who fucked men think that gold-stars are somehow "privileged" for not fucking men. Holy shit.

No. 153426

not everyone grew up in the same hyperliberal circle as you where it was ok to be gay. calm down

No. 153429

I was literally raised roman catholic in eastern european country. You can find gold stars on twitter/tumblr/youtube speaking against comphet theory and they came from various backgrounds, religious, not-western, etc. They don't have a platform like bisexuals or hets in radfem community though, because all those spaces are dominated by bi-hets who basically believe sexuality is fluid. They're no different than troons in this regard.

No. 153430

im sure theres bi women that are saying it to lure in lesbians. but im also sure theres lesbians suffering in hetereosexual relationships that are severely depressed because they think they're broken. there are DEFINITELY lesbians who have grown up with homophobic parents and as a result have to convince themselves to date men and deal with it no matter what. just because tumblr started using the term doesnt mean it doesnt exist, it just means the retards saying comphet every 2 seconds are jumping on something they dont understand. as well as people who pretend comphet is a "feeling" rather than a direct result of homophobia and the patriarchy.

No. 153431

What about febfems who have never even kissed a man and never will? Are they still tainted or what?

No. 153434

Most of us live in cultures that don't literally force you to sleep with men, like in the past. This is not how depression works, depression doesn't change your orientation. Actual lesbians with internalized homophobia are often chaste (I also knew self-hating gay men who were chaste, they didn't fuck women). Depressed lesbians don't self harm through sex with men, this is specifically a bi and het women's behavior. Lesbians can self harm throguh drinking, cutting, abusive sex with other women or simply repressing themselves and being chaste, not through sleeping with men. Like, sleeping with a man is not something that just "happens" to you (I'm not talking about rape, obviously). Talking to a man, finding a private place, getting naked, letting him inside of you, finishing and then repeating that process. This is more than one-step operation, but women act like it's catching a cold or something, like they literally can't help it.

No? They're not lying about their identity for extra points, they're just febfems.

No. 153435

most doesnt include everyone, anon

No. 153550

I don't know why the process of people figuring out their sexuality makes you so upset.
I know several lesbians who were convinced they were wrong and broken for not enjoying sex with men. If you are raised with heteronormativity why would you not think that? They didn't know loving and having sex with women was an option.

>Feeling pressure and fucking men is not the same thing

They were under INTERNAL pressure because of INTERNALISED homophobia from EXTERNAL sources. There always have been and always will be gays and lesbians with experience with the opposite sex. I don't know why you're acting like you don't understand this. Congratulations for always having been extremely sure of who you are I guess, but don't act like you've never struggled with internalised homophobia.
Also worrying about someone's sexual history is honestly such a male thing to do.

No. 153562

I'm 24 and only coming to terms with the fact that I'm bi, probably even 50/50. Always had crushes on boys, but looking back I think my crushes with girls manifested as jealously because I was never truly given that option. No one ever really said 'yeah you can like girls that way' like they did with boys, so it just never clicked until recently. I remember having fixations on certain girls where I rationalized it as 'wanting to be her inspo' or 'she's just super cool' but really there was so much more there. Then when the feelings became too large to ignore they just spiraled into jealousy. I had one particular friend that I got very close with; she was openly bi and got a lot of attention from boys and I was so jealous I began to talk insane amounts of shit about her. I'm not proud of it but as a 15 year old I think it had less to do with these rando guys I didn't care about and more not wanting them to touch her. A lot of the female friendships I had in high school were very flirty and borderline romantic, but I always brushed it off as being comfortable with myself but really I think it was just attraction in denial. I saw a tweet that was like 'Did you have an intensely intimate same sex friendship in high school that ended with a major falling out or are you straight' and everything suddenly made sense kek.

Also I read about But I'm A Cheerleader as a tiny middle schooler and became obsessed with watching it. I think I first saw it on Vimeo in like 3 parts with Russian subtitles. That probably was another clue, and it's still one of my favorite movies of all time.

No. 153563

Growing up I've always had strong crushes on boys but I felt I needed a crush always, and knew they were not that attractive. It was more like "he pays attention to me" and listening to love songs lol

Then I was in a relationship and tried having sex with one. I lost attraction to him the closer we got physically. It was exciting to kiss him but beyond that I couldn't come and felt uncomfortable most of the time. His body wasn't attractive to me much but I tried to convince myself since I was that far. He suggested I could be asexual (lol) but I know it's not that, thought maybe it was being on medication but like… I still had a drive, it was just a chore to do with him.

Thing is, theoretically I find men's bodies and penises attractive. In my fantasies it's usually men, male fictional characters are sexy, maybe the RARE celebrity. Although growing up I felt baffled by the shirtless posters of male celebs, I still don't find any of the popular ones very attractive. I used to say "I can see why they're conventionally hot, but I feel nothing"

Still, I have those fantasies, but real life men are mostly not appealing at all. When I tried to watch male porn I felt weird, because it was a real man out there somewhere. Gave a feeling of distaste and discomfort to see anything too identifying as someone idk how to explain it. Especially their faces.

Meanwhile back when I first discovered porn, I was so aroused by the women's faces I specifically sought "O-face" gifs and all. I watched them primarily in the gifs at first. videos of them moaning. I did feel uncomfortable when they interacted a lot with their vaginas, I think it's because I've been really unfamiliar with mine for years and only touch outside of my underwear. But the overall rest is good

Anyway…all that said, most of my fantasies are men. I've never been with a woman. I have fantasized about them before and it gets me off just fine, but I typically default to male. Maybe it's because I read so much slash fic back in the day rest in fucking peace. Nowadays it kind of unsettles me to read because I don't have those parts.

So yeah. And I've liked girls before, when I did I idolized them as perfect angels who I'm unworthy of. I idolized male crushes too but not as me being unworthy or in the same idealized way. I was jealous though and insecure with them to a bad degree. However the strength of that obsession makes me suppose I like guys beyond comphet at least? Or was I just insecure?

Anyway. At this point, with more confidence in myself, I can say I don't exactly desire to date a man ever again, unless something changes. My standards are too specific and most of them make me uncomfortable. I would like to be with a woman for once, but I'm scared to lead her on as a "questioning bisexual"

I assume I'm bi, even thought I leaned straight due to my history, but we all have to deal with that question "how much was comphet" and how I genuinely like so few irl men. Wtf. I feel like with porn I was initially fixated on women, but forced myself to focus on the men- or was that just normal developing heterosexuality as a teen? My fucking brain. sorry for length.

No. 153567

Oh my god shut up. You have no idea what other lesbians go through or the pressure some of us are in. I felt NOTHING for boys while i had dreams about my girl friends and still did not accept it because i was a kid and i was supposed to like boys. I picked some random dude at 12 to date because i thought it was what i was supposed to do since all the girls were dating and talking abt boys, i wanted to throw up so hard after he kissed me but i STILL went on and tried to force myself to like men and have "crushes" on them for years. I kept thinking this is how it is because some women just have low sex drives and willingly say their bfs are ugly but nice, i thought i would be like that, i hoped and i tried my best to be like that until i just broke down close to 18.

I'm not bi, i don't want anything to do with men, if i was fucking bi i wouldnt still be in the closet to this day waiting to leave an homophobic home and country.

So they can self harm by doing everything but one thing that causes them psychological damage. Fucking wild take.

And yeah smoothbrain its not a single step thing, its something we do because we are desperate to feel like we can enjoy it, we can be straight, we can be normal. Being gay is earth shattering for some and comes with losing family, friends and all life plans. Thats why so many look into conversion therapy too.

No. 153571

i grew up praying i wouldn't be gay while also having sexual interactions with all my female friends. i was a complete sperg about it and accidentally had my sexual awakening early.

eventually i found tumblr and managed to convince myself I was 'homoromantic bisexual' because I hated men and couldn't see myself loving them. which is kind of based, but I went on to date men anyway, only one girl who I feel bad for dumping (she dated men after as well though)

the men I have dated always struck a feminine cord with me, and I have a female friend who I actually have deep feelings for, but I just find the sex thing awkward. after so much trauma in my life, straight sex just seems the easiest way to lay back and dissasociate, i also don't want to get invested in a woman and lose her, it feels so much more real to me than losing a man since they are a dime a dozen

i question my bisexuality all the time since lesbian porn has never gotten me going, but its crazy to me that i had all these very clear signs of being a lesbian as a child and just never pursued sapphic stuff in my adulthood. maybe the prayer worked and that makes me kind of sad

No. 153580

I don't think it's healthy that you're describing your sex life as "easy to dissociate". This seems like self harm to me anon. You can always try to date some women and take things as slow as you'd like. It's okay to lose people sometimes, you need to open up and be vulnerable to experience love. You will heal even if you get hurt, I promise you.

No. 153582

I've identified as Bisexual ever since I was 13 but I've never genuinely felt any romantic attraction, especially towards to men. I've been with a guy for 2 years but it was mostly due to loneliness and just something to say that "oh im dating someone" we tried to do some sexual stuff, which was fine with me. I didn't like the idea of him touching me but I was ok with giving. In terms of women, though I've never dated one. I often see myself ending up with one in the longer run, but at still, I don't feel any genuine romantic attraction. Maybe its because of all the fantasies Ive had with fictional characters that ruined my romantic attraction towards actual people. I don't know.

No. 153589

i have sex issues on the other extreme in that im a sex addict and subconciously look for validation through sex with men, i can only orgasm in one position and its still not really my perogative in having sex (i'd probably be a mess with lesbian sex because ive been taught to be performative for men instead of valuing my own pleasure)
but i've long accepted that and now i dont think it matters who i date, i just really value women and dont wanna put my issues on them. men however can deal with my shit, fuck em

No. 153651

Cope. It really looks like people here don't even know where the "comphet theory" came from and why it's homophobic.
>hurr durr there always have been "gay" people who fucked the opposite sex for years and then they had an epiphany
Yeah, there always have been bisexual people with 90/10 split attraction model. And there always have been gay people who never fucked the opposite sex and those 90/10 splits tell them they're "privileged" for it kek.

https://rakastiikeri.tumblr.com/post/611331892676050944/i-do-agree-with-you-to-some-extent-on-the-whole(USER HAS BEEN PUT OUT TO PASTURE)

No. 153654

I have had an experience similar to yours in many ways, thought not in others. I want something better for you. A woman will not treat you the way a man would, we don't want you to be performative and selfless. Reconnecting with your sexuality would not be a chore to a woman that loves you. I'm rooting for you still, even if you have given up. I truly am rooting for you.

No. 153661

lol all the bi girls who fuck men are so salty that gay people don't want straight sex like ever

No. 153665

Im aroused by both men and women, and both have made me feel warm inside and dream about them romantically. However I only pursue men and the thought of trying to do something else than kissing as a joke with a woman scares me. I have only had sex with one girl, she was also my first sexual partner. The first couple of time we had sex I was confused and didnt really know what to do. Then was one time I liked but afterwards I could see from her facial expression she was not happy. And later she did say Im bad in bed. We broke up shortly after.

I dont know if Im bi but scared because of that experience or straight and even though women are attractive and nice they are not for me.

No. 153675

I find women super pretty and I'm not completely disgusted at the thought of kissing one but am at the idea of sex with a girl. I cannot fathom being in love or in a relationship with a woman.

Maybe I'm very slightly bi

No. 153676

>After we were finished I told him about my feelings and that I think I'm a lesbian
girl you probably made him feel like shit. don't tell people you think you might be gay after hooking up with them hahaha

No. 153680

>I didn't come in the end (he did)
Yep that's sex with men. Great isn't it? kek

No. 153689

you sound relatively bicurious but i'd say smth like mostly straight, in that situation you won't know until you've had some sort of personal experience imo. i honestly wouldnt worry about it because i think a shit ton of college-aged women go through periods they question their sexuality exactly like this.

No. 153696

I'm >>153675

Women don't make me weak in the knees and horny as fuck like men do. But I think women are very pretty and strangely think the naked female body is more attractive than the male naked body (nothing sexual, just purely beauty).

I went through a phase when I was 13 when I was terrified I would become lesbian. Probably because my parents are traditional and if I were gay I'd hate myself. I know it's fucked up. I will never experiment with a woman because I'm scared I'll like it. I'm fine with never knowing though.

No. 153698

First thing's first, I'm a big ol' virgin who's never dated a soul, so it makes everything infinitely harder. Exaggerations aside, I first got turned on by my female teachers at school and other older women. So I assumed I was into women but repressed the shit out of that thought bc -religious family/community.- I then avoided anything lesbian for the majoritty of my teens and now feel super lost.I only started looking at guys when I started reading shitty yaoi at 13, but my visual attraction mainly revolves around their body mannerisms, facial features, oh and their tone of voice.. Like I don't get wet seeing a dude (semi)nude. But boobs do.It's, like, I want to get emotionally close to a guy -sometimes- but don't want them touching me sexually at all. It makes me shudder. I'm not even a fan of hugging men unless it's my kid cousin or youngsters. I'm okay with the thought of pegging a guy. But I just don't want to touch/be penetrated by their dick lol. Because I'm 100% repulsed by dicks. I'm not opposed to being with a girl sexually, I'm scared that it just lacks something? Is that ignorant? I've always had a thing for tomboy gals and the few guys I've had an interest in were always girlie in behavior. Soooo what does that mean?I'm in a phase in my life where dating/sex is not something I want atm, but I'm really confused about my sexuality. Thanks to religion I also can't completely grasp longterm same-sex couples. It doesn't 'click' for me?
Guiltily, I confess that as a teen I've wished numerous times to be the guy doing the lovemaking to a girl. Being "the receiver" never appealed to me. AND that I could just chop off guys' dicks and shave off their excess hair so I wouldn't feel repulsed by them lol. 

No. 153784


I just hope I dont end up that woman who is in a long relationship with a man and tries to beg other women for threesomes lol.

No. 153796


I haven't labeled myself as anything in fear of upsetting or confusing others/myself. Maybe I'll stick with the no labels thing or would that be unwise lol?

No. 153797

Okay so.
Let's say you've had a best friend you knew for a long time. You are both 21 now. You've always been close physically, but lately you've been holding hands, hugging, cuddling, being affectionate, sending each other lesbian memes, she asks you to read yuri w you. You like that person a lot. You like how they look. How cute their tummy is. How soft their hands are. But you don't wanna ruin the friendship by confessing to them when you are not even 100% sure you are really into girls. What do?

No. 153822

Anon? I think you like her. If you didn't, you wouldn't enjoy/love her so much. Please go for it, if you try and don't like it it's totally okay. This post is so wholesome lol I wish you luck

No. 153917

I think the reason I've been confused about my sexuality because of affection. Like I'm pretty sure I'm only into women, I can't imagine life with a man but can with a woman.
But there's a dude I know who has liked me for a long time, I love chatting on discord and over messages but as soon as it's real life I can't stand him doing anything vaguely romantic or sexual. I think I just like the affection. If a woman paid attention to me like this, Iknow I'd melt.

No. 153925

Liking affection isn't a specific gender thing, its a human thing. Having someone pay attention and be nice to you is a good feeling all around, even if you don't really want to start a relationship with that person. Sadly I think there are so many people that are starved of this that take any sign of it as attraction or desperately cling to it and date whoever gives them any attention, weather they really like the person or not.

No. 153928

Yeah that absolutely it. I'm not the most attractive so I've never got much romantic attention so I think I cling to the smallest bit I can get. My only solace is that I know I do this, and can act accordingly, make sure I don't do anything I regret.

No. 153934

I consider myself to be pretty tomboyish even tho my appearence screams the opposite, I have a very feminine face and my taste varies between things men and women like. That's why I've always treated girls better and that's why I'm unable to talk back even when they're being mean. I'm uncapable of hurting them. Guess growing up with an older brother made it easier to talk to boys in a natural way so I've always had plenty of male friends. At the same time I get so awkward whenever they show interest in me it's like I'm a different person. Dk if that's possible, but can I be bi for these reasons? I know I'm sexually attracted to men but had only terrible dates until now, my body recoils at their touch and I enter full panic mode. I'm so insecure I can't see myself in a straight relationship. But when it comes to women, even tho I don't feel a lot of sexual attraction my feelings seem romantic and I feel very good, it's different from when I'm with men and just feel awkward and nervous all the time. It became more apparent with a younger girl from my language classes, I felt so good talking to her and being around her even tho I didn't think about kissing or having sex. But I felt butterflies in my stomach. Never been in a relationship so yeah pretty confused and might die alone with my two cats

No. 153946

No. 153966

Am I bi or straight?

I thought since I was 10 years old that I was bi. The biggest reason being because I am not DISGUSTED by girls and I always assumed straight people were naturally grossed out by the same sex? I wouldn’t mind kissing a girl, and feeling boobs sounds cool, but that’s it? I have never fallen in love with a girl, or sexually lusted after one. In fact I remember when I thought I was bi and would answer yahoo answer questions like “which celebrity are you gay for” I would just pick a celebrity I found pretty but had no sexual desires for because there were no female celebrities or female anything that I had sexual desires for. Recently I came to that realization and that’s when I thought “Wait… then?” Am I actually straight?

Here’s my biggest confusion. Are all straight people naturally disgusted by the same sex? Like how straight western men act when they see something gay? I guess that’s kind of like asking are all straight people homophobic, but yeah that’s my question. Do they all feel grossed out at the thought of doing something even mildly sexual, like making out with the same sex just because they are the same sex?

And lastly.. I have a very strong fetish. I don’t wanna say what it is, but just pretend it’s foot fetishism, because it’s similar enough. I like all kinds of feet. When I look up porn, I don’t mind who’s feet it is. Male or female. I can fap just fine even if the video is of two lesbians, as long as what they’re doing involves feet. But it’s not that the lesbianism arouses me, I just DON’T MIND IT at all. Does that make me bi?

No. 153967

If you're not sexually attracted to female bodies, you're not bi, simple as that.

No. 153968

you are straight

No. 153972

>>153966 you're straight

No. 154026

am i bi or lez if i think some guys are hot to the point of arousal, but i am not sexually attracted to their genitalia? zilch attraction.

(i am very much sexually attracted to females' tho. always have.)

No. 154038

sexuality means who you want to fuck or lack of desire of fucking (asexuality). if you want to fuck both sexes then you're bi.

No. 154051

It's normal to think dicks are ugly, they're fucking subhuman. You're still bisexual most likely kek most women hate looking at them, theyre like deformed smegma mushrooms

No. 154054

yeah, exactly.

that’s one reason why i don’t want to engage with a peen at all. im fine with not touching a single dick in my life—im just not interested.

i get aroused sometimes, but i don’t have the need to fuck em. Idk maybe i am slightly bi—just minus the desire to fuck guys

No. 154364

I don't think that's normal. Gay men certainly love the actual organ, as do a lot of straight women. If a scrote were to call vaginas disgusting smegma roast beef you'd lose your shit.

No. 154377

How do u know I'd "lose my shit" anon… men say this all the time and i dont start fuming at my laptop…. you need less smegma in your diet

No. 154407

File: 1602153073843.png (313.87 KB, 717x436, f78.png)

>Deformed smegma mushrooms
>You need less smegma in your diet

No. 154531

Why is a gay man doing in here?

No. 154560

I identified as bisexual for the majority of my life, leaning mostly towards men. I've only been in an official relationship with two women, and fwb with two men (who I tried to pursue a relationship with but nothing ever came out of it on their end).

I feel like for the majority of my life, I was always sexually attracted to men, but I've always daydreamed of settling down with another woman. Up until recently, I was hypersexual and always horny and always chasing after men because I was so horny for dick, and after my recent girlfriend broke up with me, the depression sent me spiraling and killed my libido. It's sort of come back, but it just isn't the same now. Sometimes I daydream about having sex with another woman (I haven't yet), and still daydream about settling down with one. I feel weird calling myself a lesbian because even if I don't feel the same sexual interest towards men anymore, I've liked and pursued them for a long time. Yet I feel like calling myself bisexual is weird because, again, I just don't feel the same sexual interest towards men anymore.

At the end of the day, it's my business and I guess if I ever date someone in the future, my past with men doesn't matter since it was all in the past, but I always feel like someone's going to yell at me like "you're not a real lesbian!"

No. 154564

Febfem, anon. Gets your intentions across (no more men) but also respects lesbians.

No. 154635

God, I wish febfem would catch on. It'd be so nice to have a way to explain my sexuality in one word and have an average person know what the hell I'm talking about. I just say I'm bi because I am but I hate the implication that I would ever remotely consider doing anything with a man.

No. 154648

Can I be straight and find dicks ugly?

No. 154657

genitalia in general is ugly, anon.

No. 154663

i dont consider myself asexual but the thought of myself in a sexual way is so fucking repulsive to me because i dont find myself attractive at all. literally every man and woman in the world could find me attractive and it wouldnt change anything, i still would feel disgusted at the thought of myself in a sexual situation. it just doesnt feel right. its not that i dont think anyone is attracted to me, there are some people who are, but i myself dont find myself attractive enough to have sex with anyone. i actually think i would prefer nobody ever being attracted to me ever again because it just makes me uncomfortable when someone tells me they are attracted to me. i can get turned on thinking about or seeing other people, but i cant think of myself or even touch myself without instantly getting turned off. i dont know what to call myself, if i were actually attractive i guess id say bisexual?

No. 154673

You clearly don't need us to tell you that you have some self-esteem issues to deal with first before putting yourself out there in the dating scene. No one's ever a hopeless case, anon, even if sometimes it might feel that way.

No. 154700

I've been wondering if I'm really straight or bi for a couple years now.
In high school I tried to have a relationship with a girl. It was the first time I had really felt in love with someone. I had had "crushes" and "boyfriends" in the past but I felt nothing for them and mainly just did it for the sake of having a crush or BF to talk about. We semi-dated for a while but she kept stringing me along and pretty much used me for money.
Right now I'm in a happy relationship with a guy, who I'm very much in love with and enjoy sex with. I still get a bit of crushes on girls from time to time, but I'd never act on them and it's hard for me to envision having a sexual relationship with a woman. I dunno, I call myself straight but I wonder if I really should when I've been romantically attracted to girls before.

No. 154749

sexuality is fluid. yeah you could have totally been into the girl you dated but her manipulation turned you off from the idea of women, or you could just be thinking about it way too much. having a “crush” on other women but knowing you won’t or even don’t want to act on it seems pretty straight to me, especially paired with you saying that you can’t even hypothetically think about yourself having sex with another woman. there’s a difference between finding someone attractive and knowing that the person is attractive. i.e., your boyfriend is attractive to you find him attractive vs your brain points out attractive women bc you know what makes them attractive to other people.

being straight isn’t a bad thing. thinking you might have been into women but ultimately deem that false isn’t a bad thing. you’re putting too much thought into something that doesn’t immediately affect your current situation. you have what you say is a happy, loving, sexually fulfilling relationship so idk why you’re so fixated on a single instance of “semi-dating” in the past.

No. 154752

then just call yourself a lesbian. no one actually cares about your past, plus you have no obligation to tell anyone about who you dated or had sex with. anyone who polices that kind of shit is weird and not worth your time. if you want to call yourself a lesbian than be a fucking lesbian. don’t fuck around with dumbass niche micro labels that you’re only going to be made fun of for. what matters is the now, and if you feel like a lesbian, then you’re a lesbian. and if your appetite for men comes back at any point, then you’re bisexual. it’s not that complicated, sexuality can change over time. just don’t call yourself a lesbian if you ever go back to having sex with men again.

No. 154753

fetish does not equal sexuality

No. 154756

>sexuality is fluid
Spoken like a tranny.

No. 154758

take your projection elsewhere

No. 154760

someone’s obsessed

No. 154761

Someone thinks lesbians can like dick

No. 154762

no one said that?? but okay, i guess. no one thinks more about tranny dick then the people who want them.

No. 154763

Well, if you say sexuality is fluid then you're implying lesbians are capable of feeling genuine sexual attraction towards males and become "bisexual". But don't worry, most people think like this, including trannies. You're not original in your lesbophobia.

No. 154764

if they’re attracted to men then they’re not a lesbian anymore. plain and fucking simple. maybe actually read the post rather than rage piss all over everything.

No. 154766

Actual homosexuals are born this way. And if they're homosexual, they can't become bisexual or heterosexual. Plan and fucking simple.

No. 154767

uwu such big words. you must be so smart, top of your class. i bet even the teacher asks you to teach the class sometimes. tell me more about how a post saying someone in a het relationship is straight is lesbophobic. i want to hear all about it.

No. 154791

When I was a kid I had crushes on a couple of girls over the years. As a teenager I still mostly crushed on girls but a couple of guys too (although never as physically intense).
I've always considered myself bi, and I still think that's probably right, but I just realized that all the guys I ever liked were thin, long-haired and very feminine in demeanor. People regularly mistook them for girls, at least from behind or from a distance.
I don't believe that makes me a lesbian or anything, just thought it was a funny realization.

No. 154794

I genuinely don't get this retort because anon was talking normally? I'd it because they substituted gay for homosexual, and straight for heterosexual?
t. an autist

No. 154797

Nothing abnormal about that post, the anon talking about "big words" was probably disagreeing but couldnt find any clever response so they resorted to this weird nitpicking.

No. 154941

Good for you. People need to worry less about labels and just work on figuring out what things they like and pursue those as individuals. The label is only necessary if you need it.

No. 154993

I’ve been exclusively attracted to girls/women since childhood and I’ve never felt attraction toward or been with a man. I’ve identified as and considered myself a lesbian ever since I learned what one was.

But I’m in my mid-20s and still haven’t been with a woman romantically (other than cringey LDRs with internet friends when I was younger) and I’m worried it’s disrespectful or lying to call myself gay when I haven’t done anything gay in real life.

No. 154998

I never even realized being attracted to women was something I was allowed to do. Since I was young I always had crushes on girls but assumed I just really liked them as a friend. I always thought that it was so cool that women were able to like other women and I wish I could too. Then one day I realized I could kek. It sounds so retarded but for like 20 years this was my thought process when I was confronted with my sexuality. I have been with 2 women sexually but never romantically. I've done the whole shebang (ahem) and do prefer it over sex with a man. I'm years deep in a long-term relationship that will probably end in marriage and I do feel bitter for not realizing I could have loved women sooner if I wanted to.

No. 155008

I get so horny from the thought of being sexual with women but I always chicken out when given the opportunity. Like at the club, I feel like a fucking loser when women try things with me.

No. 155088

File: 1602631594044.jpg (63.98 KB, 564x551, f12b9c9f65db87ea5f5e835ed5acac…)

I've considered myself asexual during my teens, but I realized I was just stunted from social anxiety and depression.
I'm in my mid twenties and finding a bf was a part of my self-conducted social exposure therapy lol. It was something I wanted to do that I've never experienced. Thanks to that I basically unlocked my sexuality, a level unexplored before. But with it came the realization that I may be bi. Women do not arouse me sexually as much as men I think, but I have stronger romantic and emotional feelings towards them. (I'm not really sure about the sexual part, I keep thinking about sex with women, on the other hand I experience attraction rarely in general so it's hard to say as I've never interacted with a girl while having a "dating motive" towards her.) Looking back, all my close friendships with girls were very intense. Always "manic pixie", us two against the world, jealousy and forever together. With my best friend from the time we planned to run a farm together and breed sheep like… isn't it what sapphics call cottagecore now lol. Dude I seriously planned to spend my life with a girl, this plan was my dream. Was it really platonic? Or I didn't realize I like her because of my social retardation from the time? I'm not sure. We lost contact and I feel it wouldn't be fair to pop up in her life to ask if she had feelings for me back then. I hope one time we reconnect and I can ask her.

No. 155173

I'm attracted to butch women but I don't think I could go down on them. What am I?

No. 155175


No. 155182

She wants an ugly man with no dick to go down on her while she can be a lazy pos in the bedridden position (don’t take it personal anon but that’s how i take it) and you’re telling her that she’s straight? What is bisexuality?

No. 155185

>ugly man
Why are you insulting butches?

No. 155186

I think Butch women are hot too, but I'm also eager to return the favor seeing as they're so hot in my eyes… I think you might be labelling it as attraction when that's not what you're really feeling?

Some would just call you a 'pillow princess' but then I know that term is one that gay women have mixed opinions on.

No. 155189

You're basically descbiring me, except I was never into cottagecore. Looking back I realized that my relationship with my best friend in my teens was way too intense and touchy, and I was broken when she dated a guy for a while. I don't think it was bisexuality awakening, she was just that close to me at a sensitive age, even people from older somewhat "accepted" young girls being in very intense "romantic" friendships, since they considered it pure (=zero chance of pregnancy).
I also started dating a guy just for "normalcy", except a bit earlier, I was only 19, but it was really shitty, and instead of opening up my sexuality, it just shut it off, I think, since I'm 27 now and haven't dated in years. I don't really care for men, but I honestly don't feel like dating women either. My poor parents are losing hope, I fear.

No. 155198

This thread

>aroused by women, has had sex with them before, now prefers dating men


>aroused by men, has had sex with them before, now prefers dating women


No. 155213

Lesbians here aren't very bright… purity politics taking away good pussy smh

No. 155215

Sorry I want a partner with similar life experiences. And not fucking men in a society that expects you to fuck men is a very specific experience.

No. 155246

Because I like women that look like women.

No. 155248

File: 1602748830725.jpg (125.33 KB, 605x1200, 7df7e6be-fdda-4813-84a2-e5c718…)

I feel like I was much more female attracted during puberty. My best friend at the time and I would often lay in bed together and I'd spoon her from behind, she'd sit on my lap in class and we'd hold hands in public, it was all so natural to us. Sometimes it would even progress into somewhat sexual stuff and she'd rub me with her leg while we were laying down, we'd touch eachother's breasts under our clothes and once we did basically everything but outright kiss while feeling eachother up. We stopped hanging out a while ago though and I've been confused about my sexuality ever since.

I don't really get crushes on girls or have sexual fantasies about them, but I'm still curious and catch myself having some gay moments when with friends, like when I'm in a club and dancing and suddenly lose all interest in the guys around me and focus on the cute girl in front of me. I also have a friend who's more tomboyish and is taller than me, who sometimes touches my face and it leaves me very flustered. These kinds of feelings almost always happen with friends though, so it could either be that I need some time to become attracted to a woman, or I'm misunderstanding platonic feelings for something more. I'm a virgin and I've only had one boyfriend so far so I'm still fairly inexperienced and that further plays into my overall confusion. I really want to figure myself out and not have to worry about this anymore

No. 155249

I like kissing girls, Id probably lick pussy and enjoy it, but I still consider myself straight as I can't imagine myself growing old with a woman, only a man.

Also its probably just male gaze corruption making me think about women, women are conditioned into liking other women. Same shit as men are conditioned into believing they are women.

No. 155250

>women that look like women
Explain what does it mean without using sexist stereotypes.

No. 155254

Anon don't engage with misogynists, it's useless.

No. 155265

I feel uncomfortable saying I'm attracted to women because I feel like I'm faking or something. I've been into women since I was a kid, around 11 and I used to take am i gay quizzes and shit back then, but that doesn't reallt say anything. The thing is, thinking about going on dates with a woman, kissing, sharing gifts, touching etc feels so good and it's something I want to be able to experience. Imagining going on dates with a man feels not good. But I have had weird sex with a man, and I have been aroused by like, celebrity men. And men sometimes feature in my fantasies but whenever I think of sex with men, it turns very violent and unarousing, but I think that's because I got assaulted by men so it influenced my sexuality. When I fantazise about having sex with women, it's not violent and it actually makes me horny. I really want to have sex with a woman and touch her, I want a hot old lady to kiss me and sit on my face, but something that is stopping me from calling myself bi is that I've never had a crush on a girl I talked to, I've only had fantansies of girls in my classes etc that I haven't talked to, so maybe I just like the idea? I also think I judge women a lot harshly, like, I do that with men too but still, I judge women a lot. I'm not sure what's up honestly, this as a lot of rambling saying nothing.

No. 155272

File: 1602768751058.png (462.21 KB, 1200x1319, autism.png)

I didn't have a gun to my head, but I've slept with men. 2 to be exact, both were drastically older than me. Long distance relationships, one was entirely when I was a minor. Other started talking to me when I was a minor. Sex was disappointing, I cried a couple times, it didn't hurt I think, I just randomly would start crying. Never looked at their faces during.
During both LDR's, I rampantly cheated with women, with mainly me giving. The women knew about my situation, most of them at that point identified as straight themselves. Half have now come out as bi or lesbian. Some of those lesbians might not have had piv, but they have given blowjobs.
If I think about it, I've never been attracted to men. I would also consistently dress and act in a manner I was warned would repulse men. I was never attracted to the two guys I had a LDR with. I was just a young stupid teenager groomed with copious gifts. I basically dated girls in secret and psychologically speaking, I consider those relationships 'canon'. They were way more intense than the online bs that was going on. The girlfriends those women got after me have considered me a serious threat even after we basically stopped hanging out.
I insisted I was straight, despite all of this. I realized I wasn't straight, because of het 'pinkpillers' going 'not my Nigel' and talking about male attraction as if it's an affliction and how they still secretly want a happy ending with a scrote. Even if a guy is according to society 10/10, nice and convenient, I can't do it.
I wish to marry a woman someday, I can't convince myself to be attracted to men, I can't have intimacy with them, I tried, I examined my sexuality and I did things I wouldn't have done if society were different. I know some people think I must be bisexual for having had sex with two men and I'm not even sure if I care about the labels anymore. I just want a wife.
Also hindsight is 20/20, looking back, I had the time of my life with some of those women and I don't know why I didn't realize all this earlier. My father is a guntoting homophobic racist though.

No. 155273

Anyone who isn't an internet sperg will accept you as lesbian. Forget the purity politics identity stuff, if you only fuck and date women then you're a lesbian. Why call yourself bi if you're never going to fuck and date men again?

I had sex with a man before I could realize I was gay because the messages I got about women's sexuality basically gaslight me into it. Virgin women don't know what they want, its normal not to be attracted to your man because ~duh personality makes up for it~, childhood girl crushes are just gal pals being friendly, sex is supposed to feel awkward the first time especially if you're both virgins, you're supposed to be too focused on how you look naked than to consider whether you like your partners body, porn depicts sex as no connection and just penis worship, etc.

No. 155285

any lesbian worth her shit will understand what comp het is. you can do whatever you want but know that not wanting to label yourself as a lesbian is exactly what everyone wants you to do. fuck that shit, be a lesbian, liberate yourself from the oppression of compulsory heterosexuality.

No. 155288

Is it possible to realise that you're a lesbian after having a baby? I feel like I've left it way too late to come out now, and I don't want to ruin my bf or sons life.

No. 155289

I’m having the same issue anon. Until recently assumed I just didn’t like sex and thought my crushes were just the desperation of wanting to be friends with cool girls. We’ve fucked up, haven’t we?

No. 155291

I realised I was probably bisexual while I was pregnant, so maybe. I decided that it wasn't worth finding out for definite because I didn't want to risk my marriage and the woman who came on to me was my close friend who had just left her husband.

No. 155292

I've seen a lesbian on instagram dating a woman who has kids from a previous relationship and everyone's getting along. So it's never too late.

You're probably right, I've not encountered anyone too interested in purity politics irl. I've probably spent too much time online during quarantine lol.

No. 155295

I really feel like I have, it's only recently that I noticed I'd never really enjoyed sex with my bf, and just seen it as "doing my duty"

If I could run away and start over again, I probably would

No. 155345

When will bihets understand that bad sex isn't rape and it doesn't make you a lesbian? Having disappointing or even repulsing sex with a male is a universal experience of heterosexual and bi women. Most of them are not satisfied by it (at least not from piv alone). That doesn't make them a lesbian.

No. 155346

Do you see anyone equating bad sex with rape here…?

No. 155347

Bad sex also isn't the same as not being attracted to someone. The point is these "bihets" aren't attracted to the males. >>155272 essentially said she was repulsed.

No. 155353

They may not use the word "rape", but they pretend like society coerced them to have sex with men (through comp het, which was invented by a polilez woman who basically believed lesbianism is a response to sexual trauma inflicted by muh patriarchy and that basically every woman has the potential to become a lesbian)
The point is, they almost always realize they are "not attracted" to males retrospectively, after reading stuff on the internet. It's amazing how actual lesbians always existed even before the internet, so they didn't have to read anything to magically come to the conclusion they don't like men.

No. 155363

I think you just wanted to sperg, no one said that here, and stop stereotyping. Some women have lesser sex drives and had an extra dose of brainwashing. Idk if you even read about comphet, society does everything to suppress and twist women's sexuality.

No. 155396

I've seen ppl equating being bi to liking dick and pussy but what if you know a guy that's is obsessed with dicks but says he's completely straight? He's not a fan of transwomen because according to him they have visible manly features and the more passing ones aren't very big. He likes doing anal and dicks but hates men and male bodies. Does that makes him bi or just some fetishist?

No. 155397

It makes him a typical man.

No. 155400

"He likes doing anal and dicks" with like sex toys? Or actual men??? Because if sex toys, I'd say he's just a kinky dude. If actual men, he's most definitely a gay/bi man in denial.

No. 155401

Is he obsessed with other men's dicks or just his own?

No. 155408

i'm attracted to men and women (intensely and at separate times) but the idea of spending my life with a man, raising a man's child, makes me feel so grim and depressed that id be better off dead if that's how i end up. i am truly afraid i will never feel the touch of a woman and that i am so beyond warped and awful that there's no way they could deserve being around a person like me. wow this is sounding a lot like my relationship to my parents kek, i'm not this self deprecating in real life, just venting some bad feelings.

anyways done with the vent- i just wanna say that if you're young like i am and really scared and confused and horny right now- figuring out your sexuality is not the most important thing in the world. i know most of us grew up in online spaces like Tumblr where the ideal of partnering up was the most important thing in the world, and that everyone was destined to feel some great true love once they figured out their sexual orientation. many of us were groomed into "choosing" sexuality labels at as young teens. some of us are so messed up from traumatic experiences and pornography addiction and tranny shit that the words people usually use to describe sexual attraction can't apply to us in the way we want them to. i Just wanna say it's ok and you don't have to have it all figured out, barely anybody does, especially us. just do what feels right and Do as many drugs as you possibly can and it will be ok i think xox

No. 155410

>the idea of spending my life with a man, raising a man's child, makes me feel so grim and depressed that id be better off dead if that's how i end up
You'll only end up that way if you actually persue that, that power is in your own hands

I'm thirties now but I married really young. My mom was dying and I was in a serious relationship with a guy so I wanted my mom at the wedding before she passed. The guy was more than happy to marry… the marriage lasted all of two years and looking back I had terrible reasons for marrying. I wanted my mom to die thinking I 'had my shit together' and somehow that meant being married?? I wouldn't marry again and tbh if I date again I like the idea of even living seperately. I have my own mortgage and don't want kids so for me there's no reason to conform to the usual roles. My sexuality kind of shifts every couple of years and I wouldn't want to commit given that

No. 155414

Hi, I'm >>155272

I wasn't exactly aware that not liking males was even an option. Especially since during puberty sexual fluidity politics was in full swing and propagated by sex-ed organizations. I also heard all about gay men, but nothing about homosexual women. Like I said, even the girls I slept with weren't goldstars themselves and I never came across female samesex couples.
I've had bad sex with women too and for some reason I DON'T feel like I'm not attracted to women all of the sudden because of it. The sex I had with men was horrifying every minute, especially them going down on me was repulsive and I'd stop it very quickly, even if they technically had better technique than the girls who had never done it before. Meanwhile I can get off on going down on women, women can kiss my neck and make me orgasm. With men I'm drier than the Sahara desert no matter what they do. No I considered I was asexual before considering that maybe I'm just not into men.
It's also more than just repulsion towards men during intimacy, there is a reason why I've never had a boyfriend near me. LDR's are a great way to avoid having to be around someone. Me feeling obligated to have sex with a guy after he spends months sending me gifts is not attraction.

Also I never said it's rape, though with one of them it was statutory rape. I'm not sure what you call 25 year old men preying on 15 year olds, but uh… Yes you may call me dumb.

No. 155459

It might be a fetish but it would make him bi according to the definition which I think it's not true.

He likes actual dicks and sex toys as well. I think he just wishes women had dicks. He doesn't seem that excited about pussies but men disgust him.

He's obsessed with dicks in general.

No. 155464

Ok help me out. I have always, and I mean always been into girls and boys but I was a late bloomer when it came to dating and stuff, did that shit first in my 20s with a girl. Before that a dumb online thing with a guy. Before I just called myself pansexual because after thinking myself as bi from elementary school to middle school, I found that to be a better fit so to say. I really, really truly cannot imagine myself in a relationship with a man, for many reasons, but I do enjoy some dick porn once in a moon but as people they disgust me to a degree, unless they are characters or actors playing characters. Read some comphet shit and truly felt understood, I may have had those flings with dudes but now that I look back, it was more about attention and acceptance, with women I actually want a relationship, I appreacite them and dare I fucking say, wanna have a life with a woman. Is this shit gay or what, I mean I keep telling myself that after covid I am gonna go abroad and bang all these hot dudes but I like that as an image, not as an action if it makes any sense? I don't want to be part taking in something that gives pleasure to a guy.

No. 155535


I think you just have emotional issues with men after some bad experiences, which IMO is different from sexual attraction although it might influence the latter (similar to how seeing someone be rude to service staff makes you lose interest in them).

Honestly you’d probably benefit from addressing it in therapy.

No. 155548

Figured as much, I don't think it will harm me to stay away from men romantically and sexually but I have so much to talk about in therapy, last time I actively went, I felt like I was too much for her. It's kinda dumb, like why not just date and marry a woman if you so wish, do labels even matter but it would be nice just to be able to recognise myself fully as something you know? It just felt so mortifying when the shrink just gave me this tired look and a sigh when I mentioned that my sexuality is a whole mess in its own and that it would be too much as I was going there for totally different reasons. Thanks for replying though, sorry for rambling!

No. 155636

I AM BACK I do think I have emotional issues with men but was wondering why I would even need to sort them out to a degree that I wanna fuck them? I can be friends with men but refuse to date them as I don't see a life worth having with one, but still feel like a faux lesbian but maybe I'll just think of myself as bi or some shit.

No. 155691

I just broke up with my girlfriend, and I'm very confused about how my masturbation fantasies might have affected it. I've always acknowledged crushes on 2D men but have basically been lesbian. For the first 10 months of our relationship, everything was perfect and I was extremely attracted to her. When covid started, though, I developed a masturbation habit. I would fantasize about taboo and nasty things to get myself off, and since I have this idea that F/M sex is more "degrading", I thought about a lot of situations like that, usually thinking of myself in "place" of the man like usual. This wasn't a big problem and didn't indicate anything I actually wanted until 10 months in…I started losing atttaction to my girlfriend. At the same time, real men started becoming more attractive to me. I find myself wanting to have sex with a man to see what it's like. I'm equally afraid that it will be horrible and that I will like it.

I'm afraid to fall in love with and end up with a man, because when I tried to date them in hs/college, there was always something "wrong" or unsettling about it - it wasn't until I started falling in love with women that love and sex felt "right" for me and I thought that I could be freely romantic. I know I'm basically bi, but the desire to actually sleep with a man for the experience is really disconcerting me! Is it a "real" thing, or did it stem from over-fantasizing and falling out of infatuation with my very womanly girlfriend, leading to a "wanting whatever I don't have" situation?

Of course, breakup still hurts, so I'm attracted to zero people of either sex right now and the idea of actually doing anything makes my stomach churn, but I'm afraid after this that my attraction to women won't come back, or that my attraction to men will still be super strong or something.

No. 155692

cont. For clarification, I've never before been attracted to men to the extent of wanting to fuck them, and at the same time I grew less attracted to my gf I was accepting/realizing things that were red flags for the future or made her less attractive as a person, so I think that could definitely have been part of "infatuation" ending. It took me a couple months to break up with her and we continued having sex, some of which was good but not as much as at the beginning ofc, some of which I didn't enjoy and made me feel a bit sick after (this was whenever I fucked her to try to "force back" my attraction to her on some day).

No. 155696

Look into febfem?

No. 155705

I was a late bloomer. I started being suspicious of myself when I was in elementary school because I enjoyed cuddling my friend and wanting to kiss them and being an Uber tomboy. I asked my mom if I was a lesbian around grade 5 because I liked stroking my friends arms and hair and felt flustered like I did with boys, she brushed it off and said it was totally normal. Coupled with internalized misogyny and a conservative Christian household I was self closeted for years. Even when I got my first girl kiss I pretended I hated it and when I dated a girl I broke up with her and said I was straight. When I finally got to move out and live on my own in my mid twenties I truly questioned myself and came out in my late twenties. I’m still (unfortunately) attracted to men but now that I’m in my 30s I’m comfortable being attracted to women and will hopefully get another try at a relationship with a cute girl soon.

No. 155741

As a bi I have had awful straight sex but I still cant help lusting over that sweet man ass. Being disappointed in sex is not the same as forcing yourself to do it even though there is no attraction.

No. 155743

Women in relationships force themselves to fuck their men for various reasons, even when there's no genuine desire anymore.

No. 155746

the idea of sex with both men and women arouses me but thinking of the actual logistics of fucking a scrote disgusts me. but at the same time, i’m only romantically attracted to men. i’m definitely not asexual but idk.

No. 155754

I remember an ex telling me very early on in our relationship that if sex died out much in a relationship then he just considers it over. I think that's mostly fair so it didn't alert me at the time. But I had just outed myself to him as a CSA victim… so looking back I dont know if that was insensitive or a shitty ultimatum that he thinly disguised.

Anyway, so much sex was had when I did not want it (and was in a horrible headspace) I didn't want to lose him and that one sentance he said early on had put that fear into me.

No. 155756

I did and from what I read, I feel like this kinda fits me? Like guys do look kinda hot to me but not enough to actually act on it, relationship with a guy honestly grosses me out or just doesn't seem healthy for me. I never have heard about this and reading about similar feelings to mine really relieved me, thank you anon, hope you have a good day!

No. 155759

I feel bad because my lust is mostly for men 4-5 years younger than me. When I was 20 I forced myself to date and dated a man 9 years older than me (I still have no idea what I was doing there) and then dated some women short term. Now in my mid-twenties I'm rarely attracted to men my age and especially not older, balding men that start to get out of shape, while women still look great. But I feel like I've wasted that window where it was fine to sleep with 21 year-old men. But I guess young men must be really shit and selfish in bed anyway, so maybe I'm not missing out on much. I just want to see guys that have a full head of hair and some life energy and sparks in their eyes, but all men 25+ are like fucking zombies, constantly whining about something.

I guess it just became a rant about men, sorry

No. 155765

Can you still identify as lesbian or am I just bi? There’s some aspects of men I do find attractive but at the same time I rarely have that feeling butterflies effect when it comes to both men and women…

No. 155774

>Now in my mid-twenties
>I feel like I've wasted that window where it was fine to sleep with 21 year-old men
It would still be fine, anon.

No. 155836

Dunno, I guess I just feel like I'm an adult preying on kids.

No. 155854

it's never too late to fuck a 21 year old, men or women. they are adults.

No. 155911

I'm a coochie girl, always been.

I've been attracted to certain guys over the years, but just up to the point where I have to fuck them. I could hypothetically make out with a hairless one. Where does that leave me?

No. 155912

Wtf kinda cartoons did you grow up watching anon…

No. 155914

felix the cat

No. 155925

>coochie girl
This is the only term I'll use to describe myself now.

No. 155985

same. I find men attractive all the time but could never have a penis go inside of me. I don't even like looking at their genitalia, I find the idea mildly horrifying if I'm being honest inb4 "anon were you abused"
Women on the other hand….. yes.

No. 156012

that's my exact issue

No. 156115

I originally posted this in the lesbian general thread, but it's better here.

At what point does compulsory heterosexuality cease to be compulsory heterosexuality and become legitimate attraction to men? Like, is there a general rule?

No. 156116

I want to know this too

No. 156124

I had two long term male partners, the first relationship was sexless and the second had sexual issues right from the start. I reached a point where I realised that being permanently single (I can't come out where I am) was better than forcing that sex life.

I would think that sexual issues must be present in any comp-het relationship. You can only fake it so much before you have a breakdown and start avoiding sex like the plague.

No. 156145

They're the same thing sorry.

No. 156163

If you feel any arousal over the male body, you've got attraction.
t. 90/10 febfem who has never dated a male but still admits I have a case of the bi
If you have ever even spoken with a man, you're degenerate straight.
Jokes. I love lesbians and understand why you want to "gatekeep." I would, too, in your shoes.

No. 156168

And if I'm aroused by the thought of having sex with a man, but not by the sight of his body?

No. 156173

nta but still sounds straight to me.

No. 156189

I've been considering myself as bisexual ever since middle school. I'm now a third year in college.

Throughout the peak of quarantine, when I was barely seeing anyone and basically in isolation, I did a lot of thinking about my sexuality. I thought about my attraction to girls, and where it originated from, if I was even attracted to guys, and if I was a lesbian.

I had only made out with 3 guys during this time, hated two of the times, and I've never done anything sexual with a girl. Doing anything sexual with a guy kinda repulsed me at the time, and I was really attracted to girls. I was even flirting/talking with one a bit.

Fast forward to now and I just hooked up with a guy recently and really liked it. Ever since this experience I've been viewing guys differently, and I feel way more attracted to them than I did before. My attraction to girls has kinda subsided and can't stop thinking about this guy and guys in general.

Maybe I'm overthinking, maybe I'm still questioning, or maybe I'm just bisexual. Idk

No. 156191

I'm not sure I understand. Why would lesbians want to gatekeep? Not trying to be purposefully obtuse but I've never heard anyone explain why they wouldn't fuck with a woman who has dated a man besides possible fear of bisexuals?

No. 156208

Yeah, bisexual.
Some of it is stereotypes and weird purity-tier shit ("bisluts" leaving for men), but I've also read many say they'd just prefer to be with someone who has the same experience socially.
Even for someone like me, as a bisexual my experience is different since I can still choose to be functionally straight and comfortable. Lesbians don't and will never have that option.
And as a group lesbians have a history of being predated on, so bisexuals claiming lesbianism can come of as coercion/lying to bypass boundaries.

No. 156210

what if i'm the reverse of this. i can find some males attractive but the thought of actually fucking, or even just kissing one disgusts me. doesn't matter how nice he is.

No. 156218

Thissss, i straight up just see men (the few i do find hot) more as objects that i do not wanna actually touch or know

No. 156245

I honestly understand the "elitism" and gatekeeping from lesbians. I'm more into men, so I'm lucky as far as the public opinion on my romantic life goes. I could see myself dating a woman, but I like to take the path of least resistence, and wouldn't want to face the everyday conflict of being a lesbian, especially since I live in Eastern Europe. I'm a coward and a lazy fuck, who can opt out of the fight for LGB (except for the minimal, socially acceptable ways), while lesbians don't have that luxury.

No. 156249

File: 1603459178725.jpeg (413.99 KB, 2048x1280, 5B3422D3-14CC-4922-AB9F-5E85AF…)

I think I posted in here before but forgot.. anyway I was only attracted to women as a teenager, had LDRs with girls etc but now that I’m a young adult I’m mostly just into men and I don’t know what to call myself. I’m worried if I say I’m bi that people are going to think I’m faking and at the same time it doesn’t feel right calling myself straight.
I haven’t even had my first kiss yet so I guess confusion is normal…

No. 156251

I don't think labeling yourself is important, especially since you have zero romantic experience.

No. 156278

You've never had a relationship or sex with either gender so really I wouldn't rush to label yourself.

No. 156497

File: 1603576925693.png (14.44 KB, 1009x444, img2.png)

>starting to think/realize i'm bi instead of a lesbian
how do i meet/talk to guys? to be honest i want to pursue one to see if i'm just fantasizing or if i have legit sexual/romantic attraction to them, emphasis on the romantic part. any tips? the extent i've gone to avoid men in my day to day life is insane, i don't know anything about relationship dynamics with them outside of being polite for work or school (don't have any male friends, kinda just happened).
i don't think a tinder hookup would be a good idea, are there dating apps for relationships that arent shit? also any general advice a straight or bi farmer could give for red flags/dating men in general? i've been with a woman before so i'm not completely foreign to relationships, i just think that it would be a very different experience.

No. 156505

Men aren't worth it, anon. The search for even a mediocre man is torture.
They make fun pals though. Recs for that are to enter any group and make small talk with a man you have any interests in common with. After a successful chat (ask them about them, they love it), just exchange social media and you're set.

Acquiring bros is ez, believe me. And if you're cute one will eventually pursue you further if you're absolutely set on testing them out.

No. 156507

I'm a married semi-tradthot that has recently realized I'm bisexual. I have had a few same-sex experiments in my pre-marraige days, but never with someone I was actually into, so I assumed that meant I was straight in the past.

After a few too many huge crushes on girls, I have realized I definitely do have consistent same sex attraction. I desperately want to have sex with a woman who I actually find attractive, but I can't since I'm married and my husband is the most important thing in existence to me. If I had an affair with a woman, it would kill him, so I'm doomed to no release from this yeaenibg, just fapping to fantasies.

No. 156592

There is a pretty big "relationship red flags" thread here which should be plenty to read on the red flags in terms of romance. In case this stuff isn't mentioned there I'll mention:
>talks about his mom a lot
These guys tend to have quasi-incestuous fixations on their moms and their moms are psychos
>Talks about himself a lot OR is not good at asking attentive, interesting questions
He didn't listen to you, does not care to learn more about you, etc.
>"crazy ex"
There could be a BPD woman in the past but he's a cow for being involved in the drama
>offers you too many drinks
>doesn't pay for his share of food OR won't take his wallet out when the check arrives
Let me explain, some guys have this incel tier thought process where they're "weeding out"gold diggers by "testing" if you're paying for the date. It's an annoying, insecure trait that you should avoid. Whether you believe in paying equally or not, the kinda person that is that bitter about dating is a bad partner.
>competitive gaming
Annoying ass hobby and friends, guaranteed
>His vocabulary heavily relies on the word "chill" or its other versions.
Could be stupid, could be extremely noncommittal, could have shithead friends. Dudes that describe everything as chill and identify your bond as "chilling" are useless. Usually prefers pickmes/cool girls to date. Avoid imo.
>Steers the convo towards a topic you've already steered away from, repeatedly.
He knows what he's doing. No regard for consent nor boundaries.
>His towels in the bathroom smell bad OR his house isn't clean
I promise you he will make you his maid and needs someone to be mommy.
>Is really close with his ex, or has an extremely intimate female friend
While there is nuance to this, the few exceptions don't change the rule. Most of the time people like this are attached in a way that isn't just platonic. It's complicated and you'll need to compete for attention which you shouldn't have to. Again, there are exceptions but as you're just starting out I'd friendzone these kinds of dudes and observe first.

My general advice is to guard your drink, don't leave him alone with it and don't let it be near his hands either even when you're in the room with him. Besides that, a lot of men are unfortunately too much work to "fix" due to societal conditioning and their shitty hormones making them walking penises who don't have other thoughts until their sex drives tank with age. And at that point, they either turn to fucked up fetishes to get that "spark" back or they get into a cool hobby they may or may not wanna experience with you.

No. 156593

File: 1603645881428.jpg (64.46 KB, 500x707, rainbowgay.jpg)

anyone else have pretty bad intrusive thoughts that tend to affect their sexuality? i used to think i liked men because id have those thoughts but id be extremely uncomfortable and sometimes even have panic attacks over it. I thought that if I liked a girl it just automatically seemed predatory. whenever i like a girl i feel sick with myself because of it. (bc of the intrusive thoughts and correlative shame) its like my mind just wants me to suffer and never accept myself in fear of becoming just like men. i dont have trauma with men, so no it is not caused by that. im not stunted with males. im not interested in them, never really have been. i actually have trauma with mostly women, which may be a part of why i was in denial of my sexuality for so long

No. 156680

bear with me for this tl;dr I'm thirty and I still don't understand my sexuality lmao. I don't have a social life, never get to meet anyone, never spend time around women other than my family. at a job I had around 5 years ago tho there was a woman who worked there and I was so confused cause whenever I saw her I got butterflies. she was probably late thirties and idk there was something about her… I always hoped I'd get to to see her, she had this cool and confident air about her and I found it so attractive. that confused the shit out of me. I didn't get to see her often, only fleetingly, only to say a few words here and there. I used to find myself disappointed if I didn't at least get a glimpse of her lol

I also had a weird fixation for staring at my english teachers boobs for a few weeks when I was around 15. in the same vein, I get turned on by women and the idea of having sex with them (I'm still a virgin btw) but I feel bad about it cause I feel as though I'm just sexualising them?? it makes me feel like a coomer dude

what makes me feel shittiest is I like guys too, call myself straight, want a boyfriend and so on. but find it hard to imagine myself with a girlfriend. Idk if that's because of heterosexuality feeling like the default but further leads me to think maybe I really am just sexualising women since imagining a relationship with one is harder than with a man.

idk sorry for the sperging honestly. I don't worry about it much, I'm open to dating a woman in the future (though at my age idk how many women would be comfortable with dealing with a 'bi-curious'/questioning woman) and if I do I'll call myself bi. cause I feel like a fucking fraud calling myself bi at this point

No. 159383

anon, i'm pretty sure you already know the answer to what is your sexuality, but i want to say that the shame you feel about being attracted to women is not unusual. i myself experience it and i think majority of lesbians have gone through that too. idk if this is off-topic or just retarded but partial reason of my shame comes just from me associating myself with men since we both are attracted to women, think sexually about them and want to pursue/date them. so even if i know that i am not like men and know where the criticisms come from, i still sometimes get a kneejerk reaction when someone says that men are predatory or degenerate.
so yeah
> my mind just wants me to suffer and never accept myself in fear of becoming just like men
i understand you and hang on, we both can get through this

No. 159771

Bear with me for a second here, because it's probably going to sound dumb to lesbians or bi-women. I really want to open myself up to dating women or at least try getting intimate once to see if I'm living a lie, but I'm way more insecure about showing my body to another woman in a sexual setting.

When I dated men years ago, I've always seen them more like a horny dog. Like they won't pay attention to little imperfections or notice skin problems or a shitty shavingjob. They just go into "fuck" mode and are in monkey mode. But with women I'm afraid they'd be way more turned off by my fat rolls, uneven thigh skin and shit. Are you more critical of other women's bodies than men's (if you're bi, obviously).

No. 159773

if you don't have something that looks worrying (like a weird disgusting tumor or whatever, just anything that looks worrying) I'm sure most women don't mind, they're women after all. They've seen themselves and other women. People know that other people are ugly. Anon, I'm sure you're fine. Just make sure you have good hygiene and look clean.

No. 159776

I'm pretty secure in my sexuality (bi), but I'm mostly puzzled by my disinterest in dating and relationships and generally not being attracted to people. I feel bad when I see girls saying "selfclaimed bi women who were never in a relationship with other women are just het", but since I never did anything with men either, what should I call myself then? I don't want to call myself asexual/aromantic because those are Tumblr MOGAI terms imo and I still experience sexual desire, just not towards other people. If I had to try dating I'd rather do it with another woman, but I have no idea how to meet one (I don't want to use dating apps) and I think being with another bi would easier than with a lesbian.
I must add I'm already 27, it's not like I'm an 18 year old late bloomer.

No. 159791

A few years back my dad started dropping random hints that he's not homophobic. He'd bring it up out of absolute nowhere….it was my cue to talk and like an idiot I dodged it. I was dating a guy at the time so the timing felt weird.

I've slept with women, I've had my most intense crushes on women but I don't want to come out by just declaring an attraction. I want it to be more like "dad I've met a woman"
I come from a very stiff, uptight upbringing so that might be why I feel the need to only broach it that way

No. 159807

When I judge other women's bodies, it's never ever in a sexual setting, and I dissociate myself from those reactions pretty quickly because I know they come from a place of self - hatred and internalised misogyny.
If I'm fucking a woman, I am also in horny monkey mode, and absolutely everything about the woman in front of me is delicious and amazing.

No. 159819

That still sounds like asexual spectre, anon. I feel that to a degree, like if someone told me i could never fuck another person and could only masturbate, i'd be completely fine, yet I don't go around screaming i am on some ugu grey ace whatever the fuck spectrum, but i do recognise it.

No. 159834

I don't have any advice for you, just wanted to say I'm in a similar position at the same age but "straight". Sexually attracted to the opposite sex, but not nearly enough to be motivated to take on all the risk and hassle of dating, could pretty happily die alone after a life of solitude, I reckon. I don't know about you, but because I never felt like my identity was tied to my sexuality I never felt the need to label it. I get the feeling there are actually a lot of people like that, and as societal pressures to marry+have kids etc. diminish, it'll be way more common to just never have sex or a relationship.

No. 159840

asexuality is not made up, the sooner people realize that the better everyone's lives will be.

No. 159852

>if someone told me i could never fuck another person and could only masturbate, i'd be completely fine
Nta but I said exactly this to my ex once and he would not let it go, he insisted I was talking out of my ass. But since becoming sexually active I've had some long sexless gaps between relationships, one gap being 5 years that didn't bother me. Now I'm single 3 years and again unfussed about sex. I don't know why people are so sceptical of (women in particular) feeling this way.

No. 159874

AYRT, the reason I don't want to call myself asexual is because I associate it with Tumblr kinnies, and I feel the term has been muddied when it became mainstream (I also think asexuals are not LGB). Maybe I just have some kind of avoidant/schizoid personality disorder, but then it's another can of worms.
I was relieved and happy the day I came to terms with my bisexuality, but I never came out to my parents, what would be the point since I don't date? Speaking of my parents, they never told us we had to be married and have kids to be happy, so I never felt the pressure to throw myself in a relationship that would probably be doomed to fail. I've also never met people like me (irl), even women who say they are not interested in relationships have hookups or end up settling down. The only person who is like me is my brother, absolutely uninterested in any kind of sexual or romantic relationships, but since he's a guy, I don't know if we have the same "problem" (I suspect him of being bi as well).
Yeah, I also believe it's genuine, I worded it badly, I should have written that asexuality is real but too many people think they are when they have other issues and asexuality is one of the symptoms. I still think aromantic is bullshit though.
Because we live in a hyper sexualized society where sex is placed on a pedestal, also deviating from the norm makes you a weirdo, and the vast majority of people love sex. Like you said, I could go my entire life without having sex, I still would like to try at least once with a person of each gender to see how it feels like, but it's not even on my list of priorities.

No. 159895

Anon this is so weird but my dad did the exact same thing. Bring up out of nowhere how he thinks being gay is perfectly normal, how it should be legal for them to adopt… a couple years later when I came out to him he just said "You know I don't care about that. Live your life." They're not the same person obviously but I think that is a good sign not to be too scared.

No. 162660

To preface, I am a virgin.
Being a shut-in for years I always thought I wanted to be noticed and have a relationship but whenever a moid notices me and tries to get close I feel disgusting and violated just from realising that he's been looking at me. I've never been attracted to any of the guys that have approached me but even when I do find a man beautiful (I prefer to call men I like beautiful instead of handsome kek), the thought of having sex with him or even seeing his genitals makes me feel sick. I can picture myself in a relationship with a guy but with the sex part completely erased, like he's a doll with only smooth plastic in place of genitals.
I find women beautiful too but unlike with men I actually feel physical attraction to them. I can imagine having sex with women and not feeling disgusted and like I want to die afterwards, but I can't picture myself in a serious relationship with the same sex.
I suppose it reads like compulsory heterosexuality but I think I really do like men, just in a romantic way and not sexual. I'm not calling myself a fucking biromantic homosexual or whatever the label is though lmao. Also I doubt any moid would enter into a 100% nonsexual relationship with me without having mistresses or some reddit tier my-wife-lets-me-visit-prostitues-to-get-what-she-cannot-provide-to-me shit. Basically I'm gonna die alone.

No. 162667

>I still think aromantic is bullshit though.
You don't believe that some people can't feel romantic feelings for others?

No. 162676

NTA but it's an inherently illogical concept and makes no sense to claim it as an identity. You cannot know for a fact that you could never have romantic feelings for someone, romantic love is a characteristically rare feeling and you could easily go through life never meeting someone you really fall for, just out of bad luck. I wouldn't question someone saying they think it's unlikely they would ever fall in love, but someone saying they know for a fact they are incapable of romantic feelings by calling themselves ~aromantic~ is a clear sign of desperately wanting a special snowflake label.

When will people get that 99% of the problems with tumblr sexualities is the fact that straight people are trying to turn their personality traits into a sexual orientation? It's so unnecessary.

No. 162678

Nta but at the end of the day, you'll never know anyone better than themselves. You can call the label illogical or say it doesn't warrant a label at all, but that still wouldn't make it nonexistent. There are plenty of ways to find out you're not fond of something without experiencing it yourself. How does one find out they'd like to spend the rest of their life with the same gender if they were raised in a strictly straight environment? They just do. Obviously romantic attraction isn't a necessity in life, so what makes you think someone needs to try to be in a romantic relationship to know they're not attracted to anyone in that way? If the feelings are already absent from the start, they already have their answer. You're coming at this from a "there could be someone/an exception for everyone" when there's no foundation for it. Identities like this have existed for as long as mankind, they just didn't have a label attached to them before.

No. 162688

Nicely said. I think the most eyeroll-worthy identity I ever heard of is "demisexual", which basically just means "I only want to bang the people I'm emotionally intimate with". That's not a sexuality, you're just an average person, and the type of hypersexuality portrayed in media is actually not the "norm" IRL.

No. 162717

Fwiw, I'm a lesbian, and that's pretty much how I feel about men too… not saying you are, but that those feelings towards men doesn't necessarily make you straight or bi. Why can't you see yourself dating a woman?

No. 162721

Holy shit anon, this is 1000% me as well! I did in fact had a short living relationship with a guy but I couldn't NEVER think of actually fucking this guy lol

>I can imagine having sex with women and not feeling disgusted and like I want to die afterwards, but I can't picture myself in a serious relationship with the same sex.

I do have the same problem. I barely manage to have some sort of daydream about me being with a girl. Even when it is a girl that would totally appeal to me, it just doesn't go further than the sexual part or maybe a bit being cute together, if you know what I mean. Sometimes wonder if I just consumed too much media with hetero relationships in it that meme'd me into thinking that this is the only way of living or my openly homophobic family that says "all gay things are baaad!". Maybe both.

No. 162740

i'm facing the exact same battle.

No. 162757

I always have small periods where I question if I like women, and I have no idea why because I've always been attracted to men.

I don't think I've ever had a crush or felt particularly attracted to a woman (maybe once or twice but it was always that feeling of "maybe one time thing and maybe drunk"). When I watched porn (used to, not anymore, fuck the porn industry) I would definitely look at the woman not the man, and I think I enjoyed gay porn but I rarely looked at it. I've always found woman super beautiful but I can never picture myself having sex with one or being in a relationship with one.

I guess maybe it's common to question your sexuality just because you're afraid you got it wrong? I've definitely grown to hate men a lot this past year and I'm trying to lower that hate a bit because it's just not healthy. Maybe I just hate them so much lately that I want to not like them, I've even started to follow women matches in Tinder (I have straight on my profile, not baiting) and I've seen some girls I find cute but I've never started a convo because… I don't know.

I honestly think I'm straight but I just wanted to voice my thoughts for some reason. I think a lot of anons can relate to wanting to like women because you're just tired of men. And I think we've also been conditioned to see women related to sex so we get confused about what we want.

I'm just tired that men will never know what being a woman is like, and they'll always take that for granted. Sorry for the dumb rant.

No. 162758

Also if I think about me as a teen I was always super shy and awkward around men, but my crushes were always with male characters or guys in my school even if I didn't pursue them. In bars if a man ever came close to me and tried to flirt I would get super annoyed and defensive, I hated it (I still do). Kind of like a pride thng, I hate knowing they are OK with talking to either me or my friend, they don't care who they just want to get laid. So I never allowed them to talk to me and give them the satisfaction. Hence why it took me a while to have sex and allow myself to like someone. But I initially always had that feeling of "get away" and felt really prudish.

No. 162768

I am you but the complete inverse. I am more attracted to women and want a relationship with a girl but have no idea how to instigate dating. I feel like a real late bloomer because I almost never thought of having relationships with anyone until about age 21. When I think about being in relationship with a woman and building a life together I get almost a butterflies feeling, not even thinking about the sex part. Sometimes I rarely will find a man attractive more feminine ones, but not traps or troons, what does that say about me? that if I was in the mood could bang but outside of that the thought of a long term relationship or having to live with a man makes me feel ill. Though I have had fictional crushes on men I recognize that's an 'idealized' version of a guy that only exist in my head and seeing men irl snaps me back to reality.

No. 162850

I'm sexually attracted to women, but fantasize about a cute romantic relationship with a princely guy like in movies and books. :/

No. 163015

not exactly questioning, i know i'm bi but i wish i wasn't. do any of you ever feel that way too? i feel like i'm inherently doomed to be a bad partner because of it and i have a lot of shame around my sexuality, especially when i'm attracted to a woman

No. 163034

I’m your opposite lol, I’m sexually attracted to men but I want a cute, fantasy relationship with a woman I know. maybe it’s just the desire of a friendship with some random kisses thrown around

No. 163061

I have always been attracted to both men and women. However, I am extremely repulsed by giving oral sex. (I am not too crazy about receiving it, I can take it or leave it.) So I do not give oral sex. I don’t give blowjobs to male partners and I don’t give head to female partners either. I enjoy PIV, strap-on, fingering, toys, breast play, sensual massages, etc. basically everything but oral or anal. This is no matter who my partner is. I don’t give oral regardless, it’s not a vagina or dick thing.

Anyway, the reason I’m questioning my sexuality is the idea that I’m not really bi if I don’t love eating pussy and want to do it. It makes me feel like a faker even though I am indeed equally attracted to men and women, and equally opposed to giving head to either. No one has ever told me I’m faking my attraction to men because I don’t suck dick, but I have been told over and over again that Real Bisexuals crave to eat pussy. When I see a beautiful woman (or man) that I’m attracted to, I think about getting to know the person and being affectionate in other ways. I just don’t want ANYONE’S genitals in or near my mouth.

No. 163069

I don't wish I wasn't bi but I feel some kind of shame about it, I feel like everybody hates us lol. If I dated a guy I would never tell him I was bi, I would be too scared of his reaction, the only kind of person who I feel would understand me would be another bi woman.

No. 163079

yeah like a friendship with a degree of platonic intimacy and affection. Nothing with sexual undertones. Just closeness and appreciation.

No. 163109

I know I am sexually attracted to women. I've had sex women in committed relationships with men who wanted to experiment. I wanted a way to test my attraction with no strings attached. Sex was much more enjoyable and satisfying than with any man I've slept with. And with men, sex always feels like a chore that they nag you for. Most of the time they don't even eat pussy which is really embarrassing. I've been with men who would count the days since the last time we fucked and pressure me into it. I've had sex to appease them and to feel wanted.

I'm embarrassed to admit I mostly watch straight porn. I imagine myself as the man penetrating the woman. I also only watch porn where the woman's ass is facing the camera. Seeing a woman's vagina from the front doesn't really do anything for me. It's the same for dicks, I'm neither attracted nor repulsed by them.

Romantically I don't think men are capable of love. The majority have absolutely off-putting traits and most do not consider women equal, no matter what they say. That doesn't stop me from believing there could be one good man that exists and I could be with in the future. I am nervous about being vulnerable with women because I am still in the closet and would have a hard time labeling myself bi or lesbian. I would like to have a romantic relationship with a woman, but for logistical reasons I am afraid to take a step in that direction because of the unnecessary stress I don't want (coming out of closet, old fashioned family, have to be in the "gay community", probably be considered a terf).

Ideally I'd like to be best friends with a woman and live with her long term but date in private.

No. 163113

File: 1607837206228.jpg (111.27 KB, 1585x494, Kind of womens.jpg)

I'm always into Man but sometimes i'm into a women too. When I see a women with bob haircut and elegant boyish-girly(No the overmanly butch type) look I want to have a Mature Romantic Relationship with her.But when I see women with general feminine and butch look i'm never into them.
Honestly I don't really know how to describe the type of women I want but here a pic of my type

No. 163310

I get you, it's at times frustrating bc there's barely any women like this irl.

No. 163366

File: 1608090976887.jpg (61.69 KB, 500x666, 201812300907028443266_20181230…)

I know right. Even when I see the Lesbian Community , It's so rare the see one like this. It's like a shiny pokemon in this point

No. 163376

I could never relate to a post more, anon, holy shit. I could have written this myself

No. 163416

I'm currently crushing on my therapist who kinda looks like Jodie Foster… I've also found the youtube shooter oddly attractive, as well as Mia Khalifa (no, I never watched any of her videos, nor do I want to) What the fuck is wrong with me.

Other women I've been attracted to I can recall are Angela Sarafyan and Imaan Hammam.

I actually am attracted to men, even though they're always video game characters, albeit realistically enough rendered. I've never been attracted to an actual existing man and I would never date one.

However, it seems that my main attraction is… myself? To an extent, it also extends to female celebrities I've been told I look like I guess. I know I sound like some AGP troon / self sucking autist saying this, but I literally get aroused by my own body and especially my vulva. I have honestly fantasized about eating myself out or having sex with a doppelganger (never twin, either a genetically engineered clone or some random woman who just happens to look just like me).

I also can't seem to relate to the vast majority of bisexuals or lesbians I've seen online (I have yet to meet any in real life)

No. 163419

I know this is not related but thank youfor posting this pic, now I know how to hide my ugly hairline when I part my hair to one side. Thank you

No. 163694

I've been reading a lot about radical feminism lately for a uni paper I'm writing, and it's making me question if I really want to stay with my boyfriend who, ultimately, will never understand the struggles women go through, or become a febfem. Although I've only been in two relationships (both men), I'm definitely bi, most of my crushes have been women and my first true heartbreak was because of a girl. So this feeling could just be intensified by the fact that I've never dated a woman (just one date one time) and I actually just really want to try it out. I think women are on average objectively more beautiful than men. A girl flirted with me at a party right before corona times and that experience has stuck with me since.

On the other hand, I absolutely adore my boyfriend and he's my best friend. I see a future with him and it seems good. I can tell him everything and anything. I've even told him about the fact that I kind of regret not ever having a sexual encounter with a woman and he said that he'd be willing to let that happen if it meant it would make me happy… Dunno how to feel about that, because that would definitely become a disasterous situation. I fear these thoughts are always going to haunt me. I used to gush about women and how much I loved them and fantasize about living with one, yet I sort of fell into the comphet matrix at 19 and stayed there and now I'm at some sort of crossroads where I could crawl out but I'm not sure that I want to. (I would also definitely suck at eating pussy if I started now lol)

No. 163793

Just make sure you can support yourself (and any kids you may want), and don't get married so he doesn't get too comfy and start taking advantage of you. Some men can be nice to have around, but they'll slip into moidhood if they feel you can't escape him.

No. 166701

I think i was low-key into my best friend all throughout high school, had sex dreams about her, wanted to kiss her etc, but the whole time I continued to have relationships and sexual encounters with boys, I definitely focused on them. Since her I've never felt like that about another girl aside from feeling a crush/slight attraction. I've only been in love with men and only slept with 2 men. Was I in love with her? Am I sexually attracted to girls? No one can really tell me I'm just screaming into the void.

No. 166711

Do it anon

I mean if you have been attracted to a woman romantically/sexually you're bisexual. There are 100% straight women all of which who i fall in love with. It sounds like you're choosy in general with partners (not a bad thing tbh) so it seems natural for your personality that you haven't found another girl you liked yet.

No. 166712

samefag as above but for separate comment

radfemfag here always been a based female supremacist. I've been unsure if I'm gay or not because I find men attractive rarely but don't want to date them anymore. I swore off of dating/romancing moids 4 years ago and have been keeping the trend going and happy. I was ID-ing as febfemme but my attraction to scrotes is almost 0 at this point and even if I do think one is attractive its really only an aesthetic? Yet I feel weird calling myself a lesbian because I don't want to dilute the term further….I get imposter syndrome tbh.

No. 166713

I've questioned my sexuality as long as I can remember. Now I date men but I avoided them til i was 23 and I don't enjoy sex or even like the men I sleep with very much, I just do it to feel like I'm desirable. I used to crush on women as well as men up until I was in my early 20s and slept with a girl before I ever did a man, but it was basically the same amount awkward and weird as it has been with any man.

I desperately do not want to be asexual so I'm currently tossing up between 'I am a lesbian but I hate the way I look so much that I cannot be with a woman' and 'I am straight and being a straight woman just isn't in any way fulfilling'

Is it common to be terrified of being asexual? I can't think of a worse thing than accepting it and just going through life alone forever. I'm 27 and still holding out that I just haven't met the right person yet

No. 166715

Do you have a sexual libido? Do you masturbate or have sexual fantasies? are you just up tight about sex? Also do you have an unresolved trauma? If the first true are two you're probably not asexual.

It's easy enough to attribute "i dont like men" with why sex didn't work out for you.

If you imagine yourself as your ideal body and literally the sexiest version of yourself alive do you still feel weird about fingerbanging some hot chick you love?

What about it worries you? ngl on lesbian dating apps I see asexual lesbians A LOT so if you are, you're not gonna be forever alone.

No. 166718

Same here but i still have dreams where i fuck dudes but thats not my fault really, i also sometimes crash helicopters and shit and that doesn't reflect my waking life lol. I would never date or even fuck a scrote irl but have dated and had sex with women, yet I feel weird about calling myself a lesbian. I don't wanna insult the actual lesbians, they get enough shit as it is.

No. 166722

glad I'm not alone anon.

Tbh every dream where theres a moid I just feel indifferent even if they're attractive. I have no idea why I don't feel the word is proper maybe its because of nonsense lesbians get. Maybe I feel my lesbian power levels are not high enough which is the dumbest thing since i have like 3 sapphic blogs, read lesbian theory nonstop etc…. I don't know sis. If I was anyone else I'd say "stop being a retard you're gay"

Funnily enough I don't call myself bisexual or febfemme anymore either…I just basically insinuate lesbian while not wanting to say it

This is peak female socialization us wanting to be nice to lesbos despite probably being lesbos ourself so we sacrifice a label for the good of our beloved lesbos….

No. 166825

So I'm pretty certain I'm bi. I'm still a virgin at this point but have had crushes on males and females. I've had more crushes on women over men, and there's been both romantic and sexual attraction in all instances. Where I get confused is that my porn preferences don't match up with my IRL preferences. I can view all kinds of porn and get off to it but I primarily watch porn with submissive and/or gay men because that's what turns me on the most. Lesbian porn is physically arousing but it doesn't really have that mental connection if that makes sense? I have some body image issues so I don't know if I'm comparing the female bodies to myself subconsciously or something. Is it normal for my porn habits to not correlate with what my actual preferences are?

No. 166837

>my porn preferences don't match up with my IRL preferences.
>but I primarily watch porn with submissive and/or gay men because that's what turns me on the most. >Lesbian porn is physically arousing but it doesn't really have that mental connection if that makes sense?

Me too, I can relate with this hard. I don't think I'm bi though. Irl I'm not attracted to men, but sometimes I wonder how it'll feel if I pegged one lol.

No. 166838

File: 1610566144698.jpg (65.63 KB, 1000x533, repulsion.jpg)

I can't figure out if I'm asexual or bisexual but just repulsed by human biology (because of autism or some other shit). I'm in my 20s and I never kissed, I only had one sexual experience that involved genitals (with another girl when I was 13). I want to be in a relationship but my ideal relationship is just someone I could live and cuddle with. Thinking about cuddling turns me on, but anything else like kissing or oral sex turns me off because I find human bodily fluids disgusting and I woudn't want my mouth anywhere near it, I'm disgusted even by my own saliva. Genital contact between two vaginas seems fine, but genital contact with a penis is a no no, I just don't want anything inside of me, not even a finger. I masturbate like twice a week (except when ovulating when I can go three times a day because I feel horny), but even then I only play with my clit, usually grinding against something, I have no desire to put anything inside, and I wouldn't want anyone, man or a woman, to put anything inside of me either. I can't call myself a lesbian because men's overall physique turns me on too, I think I would be fine with getting each other off with our hands, just without mouth-penis or vagina-penis contact. If homosexual genital contact is fine, I guess I could find myself a girl, but what girl will accept a relationship without kissing? I'm scared I will die alone, I don't believe I will find someone who will accept me the way I am and will be satisfied with what I can give. It's not about having a "good friend", because you don't have this level of physical intimacy (that isn't genital sex) with a normal friend, and you don't want to marry a friend, and you don't want your friend to share a bedroom with you only etc. And no, I wasn't diddled as a kid as far as I know

No. 166840

I feel this so hard, I everytime I even have a wet dream about women or see a woman I may be interested in, I get flustered yet with the few men I may find hot looking, I feel disgust over their personalities. They may be nice dudes but for me the gender gap is just, ew, too much to even start to cross. I also agree on the "I would tell anyone else to just fess tf up" sentiment, I go by vague gay or febfem these days but if anyone were to ask, I would just say I am not looking forward to knowing any more guys in my life haha.

No. 166861

omg are you me? this is the very first time i have read about the exact same situation/feelings i am currently going through…
i am currently in a longterm relationship (4 1/2 years) and i am thinking about ending it because i am so confused and need time for thoughts :( still love my partner though, in a different way…

(first time posting, i hope i didn't do a mistake)

No. 166864


Anon you're a lesbian…

No. 166865


Samefag sage side note. Not to armchair/derail but I have a degree in this and work in the field and the likelihood of suppressed trauma is near zero. Its probably the worst psychology myth on the internet because everyone worries about it. Its the same level of dumb myth as "homosexual parenting makes kids gay".

First anon if genital tribbing is fine with women then you're not asexual…if you have sexual arousal, fantasies, etc. You're not asexual. A low libido or being choosy with partners is called good common sense.

Join the lesbo club anons…

No. 166910

But >166838 said..
> I can't call myself a lesbian because men's overall physique turns me on too, I think I would be fine with getting each other off with our hands, just without mouth-penis or vagina-penis contact.

Could she be a penis-repulsed bisexual? Or just a chill lesbian lel.

No. 166914

File: 1610602098542.jpg (43.44 KB, 567x392, 1607708675441.jpg)

I only recently came to terms with being lesbian, not bi as I told myself for the past few years. And I still have instrusive thoughts that I'm faking it. Even though I'm sexually and romantically attracted to women, I get worried that I'm not really gay and that I'm just an ugly woman who wasn't good enough for a man. I used to beat myself up for that a lot and it ruined my self confidence. But over time as I've become more comfortable in myself and not reliant on external validation, I realized how I was using male attention as a crutch. I'm disgusted by male sexuality. I feel shame looking back at how I was desperate for closeness and found it easily by having sex.

I guess this can also be attributed to comp het. I know some anons were criticizing the lesbian masterdoc but that was probably the turning point for my sexuality. Living in a small town and growing up religious I didn't know any gay people. I didn't know I could be gay, I thought you were just "born that way".

No. 166942

If somebody is OK with making out with or cuddling with a girl. Even have sex with them (but only if it's with a dick strap-on, don't want to do anything to your pussy; fingering, licking = nope) BUT can't feel any sexual or romantic feelings or arousal for them. The arousal is only for the activity itself, not for them. What am i??? straight or bi or something else?

there are many women i think are goddesses, but i've never been sexually or romantically attracted to them, i just can't be. not in the way that i can picture a guy naked and sexually want them. however i'm down to do all the above, and i just don't know if real straight women would just never do this?

No. 166953

>i've never been sexually or romantically attracted to them

I'd say straight? Just because you don't vomit or feel disgust doesn't mean you're not straight. Maybe bi curious but if you really don't feel anything for women then yea

No. 166960

ur straight

No. 166964

I'm solely into 2D boys and girls who dress as 2D boys, what does that make me?

No. 166981

a weeb

No. 166988

I've known that I'm bi since I was about 12 or so, but is it normal to just not enjoy oral sex at all? Giving or receiving and it doesn't matter if it's a man or a woman. I'm just not turned on by it at all and the thought of having to perform oral does make me nauseous. I've done it when asked because I thought that maybe I could just make myself enjoy it, but I can't. I'd much rather be on top of a girl and trib her.

No. 166990

That's normal anon

No. 166992

File: 1610643063211.jpg (47.34 KB, 698x698, 34df531af737993a2675c4178422dd…)


Are you literally me anon? Tbh masterdoc helped me a lot because i accepted I was "born this way" bisexual. Comphet affects women way harder than scrotes and id argue lesbians way harder than gays. I also saw the masterdoc hate and yeah its imperfect but until you offer an alternative… that's the meta. And there was very few suggestions in the lesbian thread that offered anything related to non-comphet. I think women go megs tryhard to please scrotes so they find things they don't mind doing for them and think they like them because of that. Or settle to tell themselves "oh all guys are stupid manchild retards even hetero women think this so i clearly still like men!" Or its so normal to be hetero and not have good sex that you just think "well men just suck at sex it's not because I'm gay". Female socialization causes us to compromise hardcore into even when we know we feel wrong we just think "oh theres another guy…"

No. 167051

Omg I feel the same as you anon, but I would let a girl do whatever she wants with me.
It’s so weird why I’m fine with that but the thought of me doing anything with a vagina is a no thank you.
I’ve been questioning whether I’m bi but I think I would say I’m just bi curious

No. 167087

makes sense. i used to think i was bisexual since i was 10, all the way until last year when i analyzed myself and came to the alien conclusion that i'm actually straight. the way i explained it to myself is that i'm just very un-homophobic.

when i was in elementary school i was sure i was bi, because i was obsessed with girls who were pretty, but in an idolization way. i told this to a friend who asked me if there was any girl that i liked, and for no reason i named one girl in my class who i just thought was the prettiest, but it was a lie that i "liked" her, i only said it to give her an answer because i thought it would sound more interesting. this spread around and it being 2005, the kids were horrible to me about it, to the point that teachers and parents had to intervene. i remember one girl getting a really disgusted angry look and using lesbian as an insult towards me for a while. this whole time this is what i've been thinking real straight females are like, 1000% opposed to it. and thought well i'm definitely not like that, so how can i be straight?

No. 167089

Idkkkk anon but im confused too

No. 167552

think I'm developing a serious crush on a girl for the first time and she's a lesbian

help anons I feel really confused, I've started fantasizing about her a lot

I'm bi I guess but still questioning, I don't want to use this girl unintentionally, should I just wait it out or what?

No. 167566

I've always had a lesbian look and vibe to me despite me only dating men. I ate pussy one time ten years ago and that's my only experience with a woman.

But I've noticed that day to day I have this nervousness around attractive women because I'm always thinking
> They must think that I fancy them, that I'm checking them out, I must creep them out
Thing is I'm not checking them out and I suspect that it's just my social anxiety going into overdrive. I absolutely look like I'm likely to be a gay woman so I don't know if I grew my hair out if these thoughts would go away. Maybe there's more to it. When I do watch porn it's sometimes solo female stuff so? I grew up with very homophobic parents which makes me wonder if I could be shoving down those feelings

No. 167574

If you have romantic or sexual feelings for a woman you're definitely not fully heterosexual

No. 167577

none of this sounds straight to me anon

No. 167604

File: 1610928117788.jpeg (200.9 KB, 584x388, DE6612B4-5C26-4DCE-8C38-964428…)

I’ve never been actually attracted to girls (never felt a “spark” or wanted to date one), but I find the generally unrealistic Hollywood/porn girl on girl fantasy hot. Is that just some kind of kink? It feels like it’s the fantasy itself and perhaps finding it risque that turns me on and not actual girls in general. I was wondering if I was kind of ghey for some time but I think I’ve come to terms that it’s just some mental fantasy I’ve been partially conditioned to find hot.

Also, I feel like I check girls out in a way that I compare them to myself. I have barely any boobs and have kind of glorified better endowed women cause I wish that were me, and I feel like in some way that’s become low key a turn on? I don’t know how to describe it.

Pic related was off putting to me despite not being unattractive women.

No. 167620

I second this post as relatable. I had to be honest with myself. I'm not attracted to women sexually or romantically. I'm attracted to men, but my standards are very high, and not in the traditional sense of money or height or muscle.

I feel repulsion at the tought of being pressured to have sex, or be expected to have PIV sex at all. I don't want to deal with the risks, stress and BC. But what percentage of men are fine with not having PIV sex? I'm skeptical of men that call themselves asexual, I don't want to date someone for years and then start being pressured. Besides, even if they were asexual, that doesn't make them compatible in any other way, and that pool is already small.

The risks aren't worth it, so I don't want to date or have sex with men, but it doesn't mean I'm bi or a lesbian, because I can't imagine having sex with or dating women.

No. 167643


So when I was still fucking dudes I met this guy who was really submissive. Like could not penetrate because it felt "too top" for him. I'm naturally a dominant person and I thought about it for a second and I realized that most scrotes fucking suck at PIV and use it to masturbate with your vagina. It had rarely enjoyed it. So he had a based opinion for only wanting to eat out women.

Honestly if I wasn't gay I would probably be in the same boat as you as just not wanting PIV. Nothing wrong with it, it just isn't for everyone

No. 167645


Samefag but meant to add I personally don't trust "asexual" scrotes. Also you can have sex without PIV or do sexual things. There's a lot of ways to sexually express yourself without PIV or even any insertion.

No. 167649

do u mind spilling some of these ways to a total virgin? or at least direct me to some resources?

No. 167662

>I don't want to use this girl unintentionally
Why would you fear you're doing this unless you're not actually attracted to her? You clearly have feelings for her, and want to take a chance. That's a totally innocent, genuine feeling. I encourage you to talk to her some more. Even if the crush fades away you'll have learned something new about yourself

No. 167790

Same anon here, a couple days later and my feelings are stronger in a way that feels overwhelming to me and I'm really confused on where to go from here. I don't know if I'm gay or not but this is definitely making me question things. I'm just so freaked out and overwhelmed, so much makes sense now. Does anyone have any advice for handling this confusion?

No. 167791



I don't trust submissive men. Asexual either since they're likely pretending. Submissive men are into being dominated, and I'm not into dominating anyone. I want no power dynamics. They're usually into being degraded too and have a lot of fetishes. Worst case they transition. Not sustainable for long term anything.

I know there are ways to have sex without PIV, but men don't seem to, unless not doing it is part of a kink.

No. 167921

i'm kinda unsure if i should label myself as a wlw currently, i got out of a long term relationship with a guy last year, and ever since i just can't see myself dealing with men in that way anymore - i guess its p cringe but the only guys i can be attracted to is like. fucking sephiroth.

women though? god i'd love a relationship & a future w/ a woman so bad (if only i didn't have hyper religious parents), something i can't see myself doing with a guy at all

but anyways, idk if i should use the wlw '''label''' since i can find myself attracted to (albeit fictional) men some of the time, but i'm always pining for a girl to be with & i just want to settle down with a woman in the future.

sorry if this post comes off retarded, i just don't really know how to express myself well lmao

No. 167985

I've dated men and had sex with men my entire life, but I never truly enjoyed it? When I was with an ex it was only ever because he wanted it and i thought i needed to have sex with him bc we are in a relationship.

But a couple months ago I had sex with a woman for the first time, and it felt so different. Making out with her, touching her. It all felt right. My brain turned off and I was in the moment.

But I've also had male crushes, so I am so confused. I don't think i'd ever be in a fulfilling long term hetero relationship but i just dont know

No. 167991

>you still have an attraction to males
Probably bisexual and lean more towards woman.

No. 167993

Why don't you just try dating women first instead of worrying about labeling

No. 167996

It's possible you're a bisexual who just didn't end up dating a man you're truly into but it's also possible that you're a lesbian. Don't worry about the label too much, date people to whom you're undeniable attracted and you'll be okay.

No. 168004

I've experienced pretty much the same and I can't tell if men are just generally underwhelming in bed? In years of having sex with men it's never been all that great on my end. The one night I spent with a woman ten years ago though.. I think about that alot.

To add to the confusion I have friends who are straight and non-questioning and whenever we get drunk they start opening up about how shit sex with men is so? Is this just the norm?

No. 168047

Not like it's super hard to date under a pandemic

No. 168054

Nta but since the pandemic hit I've had men try to randomly chat me up on my walk to work (early in the fucking morning) or when I'm just out food shopping… my guess is with bars and clubs closed they are resorting to trying to pick up women just about anywhere.

Kinda wish women would take that appraoch and just randomly flock to me as I go about my normal day lol, How easy that would be

No. 169325

File: 1611853622566.jpg (87.33 KB, 600x431, 7467248148428.jpg)

I'm pretty sure I'm at least bi but I can't tell anyone or else I'll be disowned by 90% of my family. I was raised in a religion that encourages shunning so basically I'm screwed. I'm pretty sure my parents know too but are in denial. Growing up, my mom always use to bring up "dykes" and how disgusting they are to me specifically when I have sisters lmfao.
The worst thing is that I'm realizing when I talk to guys that I think I like, my attraction "fades" and I don't know if that means I don't like men at all or if it's because I'm dumb and inexperienced. The religion I was raised in is super big on purity so it might be from that too. Who knows at this point.

No. 169334

I’m so sorry anon, I was raised in a very similar family so my sexuality is similarly confused. Hope you figure everything out <3

No. 169479

I need help figuring out what my sexuality is, I think I'm bisexual but I'm not sure.

I know that I am sexually attracted to men, however I have never been romantically interested in one outside of childhood crushes on fictional characters.

Some time in High School I met a friend (who is a bisexual female) that I've always been a lot closer to than most people in my life. Generally I am a very unaffectionate and distant person (I could be described as having an avoidant-dismissive attachment style) but I always have the need to do things for her such as compliment her on her looks and personality and buy her gifts.
Since graduation my feelings for her have only gotten stronger to the point that I now also have fantasies about her involving us having sex, dating or getting married.

But there are some things about myself and my life that are stopping me from saying I am experiencing true same sex attraction. One is childhood trauma associated with being exposed to lesbian porn several times. I don’t know if i am sexually attracted to her or projecting a sexualized view of same sex attraction on to her. Second is that for most of my life I've been pretty sheltered and lonely for most of my life and I feel like this might just be my brain's fucked up way of approaching human relationships because I haven’t really had that many.

I am not experienced at all romantically or sexually at all so I have no idea what to make of my feelings. What do you guys think?

No. 169494

I would say you are bisexual. If you were attracted to her because of trauma projection, you wouldn't be romantic towards her, I think. Women who fetishize lesbians because of porn don't want to buy other women gifts and live with them as a normal couple.

No. 169643

Sounds bi to me. Maybe controversial but I also don't really think it's worth opening the can of worms that is where sexual attraction may come from. It only matters what you feel now.

No. 169653

Sounds gay I love it

No. 169743

I was kissed by another girl when I was 7 and then thought about kissing & touching girls constantly after that. Never about boys, until college I was in my mind a closeted lesbian. When I would hang out with my female friends I would want to make a move and try to kiss them and 'experiment' again but never actually did it bc I was too scared to. But I became pretty sure that I'm straight at 18 because I finally found a guy that I didn't mind kissing. I still find lesbian porn hot (despite not watching porn) but in my day to day life when I see a "sexy" woman I don't get turned on and want to fuck her. I moreso want to be or be like her, as opposed to how I felt when I was really young that I was sexually attracted to other women, even ones IRL. I'm pretty certain that this is normal and I'm straight BUT what gets me is that for so much of my life I was sexually attracted to girls and was not attracted to guys (esp in high school). Is it possible to completely turn around?

No. 169957

I think I'm bi but I'm not sure. I have sexual trauma from childhood and during my teens I self harmed with sharp tools, alcohol and compulsive sex. I hooked up with any guy I could find just so I could be validated that I was fuckable (= had worth as a female) and also to prove to myself that I was only a hole and not a real person, therefore deserving all the hurt. Eventually I was sent to a home for troubled teens and got help for my mental illness and trauma. Since exiting my teens I haven't been with a man and feel happy and fulfilled being with only women. My last bf I broke up with because I couldn't stand having to be with a dude and not get to spend the rest of my life with a woman. The idea of me actually having sex with a man repulses me even if I have gone through it when I was young. I can't name attractive men but can name tons of attractive women. I can masturbate to straight porn and fantasies of PIV however as long as I'm imagining specific scenarios where the woman isn't me. I realized I like girls when I was 13. I remember being ostracized by my friends for not having any celebrity crushes and always thinking theirs were ugly and bland. I didn't get a celebrity crush until I was 18 and that was a woman. I have never been in love with a man, only women. I think that I'm probably bisexual, but such a small amount of me is attracted to men that I cannot have meaningful relationships with them and it only shows when it comes to porn and masturbation. My friends however keep saying I'm a lesbian since one of them is gay herself and another in my friend group is a 50/50 "hearts not parts" type of bi… which has me questioning myself a lot right now, even if it's technically unnecessary since I'm married since three years back to the woman I want to grow old with. It's been a decade since last I was with a man.

Any insights?

No. 169983

did u repress ur attraction to guys?

No. 169993

File: 1612314065720.gif (997.13 KB, 261x275, 1574164503096.gif)

No, I left out that I had some crushed on boys in elementary school and middle school BUT I never had thoughts of kissing them and going further like I did with girls. Every sexual thought I had growing up was associated with girls. I'm wondering if could it have been that the kiss confused me at a young age if I am just straight.
> in my day to day life when I see a "sexy" woman I don't get turned on and want to fuck her.
The more I think about it, I don't imagine fucking random hot men that I see. I think I messed up trying to imagine this like I'm a scrote.
In high school when I thought boys were repulsive and girls were attractive, I did have one girl that I wanted to date but nothing ever happened. But that could have been because I moreso wanted to be like her since she was everything I wasn't, was gorgeous (imo), and I was lonely as fuck due to severe depression and an eating disorder which alienated everyone else away from me.
At this point I think I'm just gonna keep having more questions than answers unless I try being with a woman intimately. When I masturbate I always think of sex with a woman although I do try to think of a man, but I've heard straight people do that as well. And if it's worth anything after I wrote my OP I saw this gif and got turned on by her tits. They look perfect, I wanna touch them and kiss them?

No. 170000

I mean things will make more sense once you have sex with a woman. But you've failed to mention if you desire to have sex with guys? I think that's a big deciding factor here haha.

In the end you could just be bi with a heavy preference for women. And anon only you will truly know your sexuality...but imo i think ur either a lez who got curious or a late-blooming bisexual..

No. 170100

I'm a female happily married to a man, but I feel like I missed out on exploring my sexuality from before I was married.

I always knew I was bisexual, but suppressed it for so long I never got to have sex with another female. My husband actually encourages me to explore my sexuality, bless his heart. The problem is; I currently am having feelings for my female friend. We flirt a lot and we aren't shy about it. She's also married and both of our husbands know about this btw and they don't care. Problem is, I'm in the US and she's in Canada and because of this fucking plague I feel like I'm never going to be able to finally be with her….. I'm having a lot of emotions about it to the point where I feel like I can't take it anymore. The longing is real and intense.

No. 170120

This sounds like a mess

No. 170123

life is a mess.

No. 170133

Been there, divorced now. My husband was fine with it too and looking back he probably highly regrets that. The next guy I dated thought me crushing on a woman was cute… til he realised how deep the feelings were.

Wishing you luck with whatever happens but my advice would be not to think this is a cutesy situation. You have feelings for another person and you marrying so young isn't looking like such a great idea anymore..this will likely end in a not-so-fairytale way. Be prepared for that.

No. 170157

How do I figure out my sexuality if my brain has been rotted from exposure to degeneracy since early childhood? I posted about it in the fetishes you're ashamed of thread here
but to reiterate: I developed a futa fetish as a child and have never had fantasies or strong sexual feelings towards any flesh person. I only currently desire my bf because I love him, if that makes sense. It's also my first real relationship where I've actually fallen in love, so I can't use my past relationships with guys or girls as reference because there wasn't any kind of attraction there whatsoever. So I don't know if I'm bi, or straight with penis envy.

Should I just stop worrying about it? I mean, I'm in a happy relationship now, which is what matters. And if I'm not attracted to people without being in love, it's not like hooking up with a woman or watching female-centric porn would help me figure it out. so I don't know how I even could figure it out. Tbh idk why I care so much, I guess I've just been thinking about how fetishes can't be changed and got depressed. If I could go back in time I'd slap my parents for giving me unlimited access to the family computer/the internet. I do feel a bit damaged, ngl

No. 170168

are these bait? it's like they're based on stereotypes about bisexuals. stop being cheating pieces of shit, anons.

No. 170171

>my husband
>the next man


No. 170272

I've considered myself bisexual for the longest time until now where I've been questioning myself a lot. I've recently realized that the only men I've ever been attracted to were anime husbandos and I keep thinking real guys will never be able to compare. I'm way more attracted to women but since I'm a bit of an asocial weirdo I've never wanted to pursue relationships or even casual sex, so I can't say who I'm definitely attracted to. It doesn't help that I only masturbate to straight hentai or PiV adjacent (tentacles, monsters…), making me even more confused. I still call myself bi since I feel it's the get out of jail free card of sexualities kek, but as long as I'm not willing to experiment, I'll forever be stuck in limbo.

No. 170273

I've been questioning my sexuality for a few years now its hard because ive had crushes on men my whole life yet I wont have sex with them to the point of having questioned if im asexual (I am not) or demisexual (ive been in 2 relationships and getting to know the guy better has not worked so not demi either). Therefore I am a virgin after lots of dating and falling in love but the only guy I ever enjoyed kissing and cuddling was my first boyfriend and soon after that ended I started questioning my sexuality. It seems any man I fall in love with I feel very strong friendship love for. I have male friends and I enjoy hanging out with men but I dont want anything intimate and if a man (even one im crushing on) flirts or expresses sexual attraction I feel grossed out even if its what I thought I wanted at first.
Looking back ive had crushes on women but few, probably because ive surpressed that and never wanted to be gay because obviously its harder like even finding a partner is way harder. I feel im missing out on so much relationshipwise because everything is so unclear.

No. 170288

I don’t even know if that’s the right thread to post but here it goes:
For as long as I can remember I was never really in love with anybody. I had crushes I think or just someone I’d admire but once it came down to imagining a relationship my head goes blank and I loose interest in seconds. I was in 3 relationships before but not really recalling being in love. More a feeling of being comfortable with my partners but I still loose interest very soon. Sex sometimes is fine for me but not something I seek willingly. Last time I had sex I felt like it was a waste of my time and I could’ve spend it in bed alone or with a sex toy instead. Didn’t help that the guy wasn’t good in particular.
I’ve been thinking if I fall into the aromantic and slightly asexual spectrum…. any other anons here with similarities?

No. 170303

It's not cheating if you get permission.

No. 170319

My point was that I didn't cheat. I had male partners who encouraged or quite eagerly nudged me to explore any slight crushes I had on women. Because in men's minds F/F sex or same sex crushes totally mean nothing..

No. 170321

Too many men think its a hot idea to have a young gf or wife that has gay sex on the side. It's that infantilizing attitude of treating lesbian sex like some elaborate form of masturbation or some fap fodder for men to think about. Then when people catch serious feelings (why wouldn't that happen) it suddenly gets twisted into the woman being a cheating whore.

No. 170389

I wish my boyfriend would treat wlw as just a silly novelty.
I'm so jealous of the anons who have partners that let them explore their bisexuality. I don't want some crazy poly lifestyle I just want to kiss cute girls when we're allowed in clubs again

No. 170480

Is anyone else sexually attracted to other women but scared of having a gay experience? I set up a thing with someone, I am excited for it but also really scared about what I'll find out about myself and about being unmoored from the comfort of heterosexuality

No. 170481

*By comfort I mean the comfort of societal approval

No. 170484

Having dated those guys, the grass wasn't greener. Dating a dude that points out your cute coworker to you and gets some weird kick out of it… that relationship isn't built to last. They tend to be the shittiest of pornsick scrotes. That's the only reason they are into it.

Being single is a good time to explore sex with others, ime that's the only way to go

No. 179902

How to tell if you're gay or just repulsed by men? I've had sex with exactly one man in 25 years. It was okay I guess, as in his technique wasn't bad, but I was viscerally unattracted to him and just stared into a wall trying to picture anything but his face while we fucked. I think my dating of men was out of pure loneliness as I've stopped giving a shit about them ever since I got a fairly solid circle of platonic friends. I'm from a really conservative 3rd world country, so I'm pretty sexually conservative- the most I've done with women is lap dances etc at strip clubs. My eyes are always drawn to women naturally and they make me nervous(men do not) but my libido is really low and I don't really masturbate so it's hard to tell if I'm attracted to them or not. I dated a girl for around 3 months as well but she got annoyed with me because I didn't have a lot of desire to fuck or be intimate. I do have a thyroid condition that makes me have a low libido but it seems kind of extreme to have 0 sexual desire whatsoever at my age. I'm just very confused.

No. 179932

Sounds like you are probably more attracted to women, anon - you just have a low sex drive, and there is nothing wrong with that. I hope you can find what you're looking for.

No. 179933

samefagging to talk about my own 'questioning', but I'm a pretty old woman so I am content with who I am at this point. Still might be interesting to other anons. I've always exclusively masturbated to women, and when I have sex with a man I am occasionally imagining it is a woman, or another woman is somehow involved. I've never been in a relationship with another woman, because I'm definitely attracted to men romantically. I think I have a chain of desire. I want men to desire me, but I desire women. I'm definitely bisexual, but happy in my longterm monogamous heterosexual relationship. I don't think I'm that strange but sometimes after I've masturbated, I wonder if I'm straight up gay because I never, ever think about men when I do that. But I am definitely aroused during sex with a guy by his desire for me.

No. 179944

File: 1618653934820.png (62.62 KB, 434x411, 1616044082659.png)

>can't ever see myself dating men or having feelings for them
>100% certain I want to spend the rest of my life with a woman
>not attracted to men(at least not attainable non celebrity men)
>fool around with scrotes once or twice a year because extremely lonely/touch starved
>only went beyond making out once, was utterly bored
>wouldn't do it if actual gay women were around
>fantasies with men are all disgusting trauma scenarios
>fantasies about women are wholesome, normal

Anyway, since preteen years ive cycled thru straight-bi-lesbian-queer and don't know what to call myself anymore. I feel like i'm not bi enough for bis, im not sure i could/would fuck a man outside of my disturbing fantasies. I'm afraid that the trauma i went thru with men heavily influenced my sexuality. The only concrete thing I knows is i love women.

No. 179945

There's a lot of cultural capital that comes with being desired by men, it's a very insidious idea that is deeply embedded in women. So it kind of makes sense that it's caught up in our sexualities too.
For my part I've never had sex with a man I wasn't at least somewhat physically attracted to, and had my own desire for.
Maybe it's just a quirk of your sexuality? I'm the opposite, I don't have romantic attraction to men but most of my fantasies are about them, and I found it hard to fantasise about women until I started dating them.

No. 179968

You could be bi while having a very strong preference; most bi people do. No problem with only wanting to date one sex.

No. 179994

i'm not sure making yourself open to men is good for your mental health if your only fantasies with them are trauma-related.

No. 180003

You can be bi and not open to men, the expectation that all bi women have to date men is ridiculous and damaging in my opinion, and I’m pretty similar to you except that I find irl men attractive and can enjoy fucking them but no dating/romantic shit. Ngl it’s a lonely world out there if you want to date women so I totally get you, but I also wouldn’t presume to label your sexuality for you.

No. 180188

I am very sorry to bother anyone with this dumb question but could it be that I am a lesbian? I've been together with my boyfriend for more than 4 years but we have never really slept with each other (like pp in vagina sex). We tried it but always stopped because I always hated it. When I masturbate I think about straight sex but I always look at or think about the woman. When I was 16 I had a weird obsession or crush on a girl that was a grade above me. We were secretly friends and often engaged in roleplays on an internet forum for weebs. Am I a lesbian or am I just an idiot? I never had any contact with irl lesbian women before since I live in a very conservative area and have no people I could compare my experiences to. This is all very embarrassing since I am already in my early twenties.

No. 180189

>4 years
>we have never really slept with each other
why did the lesbian get the good bf this is unfair

No. 180192

Can you imagine yourself with other women sexually?

No. 180195

No. 180377

is it normal to get nervous around beautiful women? like not jealous competitive type of nervous but middle school crush type of nervous and where can i meet lesbians if there are no out lesbians in uni

No. 180633

I like masculinity, but once I see a man's dick I am turned off. It's hard to stimulate myself seeing a man honestly. I have no issues with women either and I can get off to absolutely ANY woman out there. I wish I had a girlfriend too instead, but all I get is male attention which will have to do for now. Currently i'm single, but I have a man in the sights. I don't want anything from him other than attention I guess. I love every kind of woman and older women. I fantasize about eating pussy all the time including my own. I feel a constant feeling of shame looking at any other woman in public because I feel attracted to them and it feels super creepy. Don't care about men though. They're ugly as sin. Am I a lesbian or like a bisexual woman?

No. 180646

Why don't you go for a butch or androgynous woman? Sounds more like you like the masculine style or role more than actual men

No. 180650

Are you turned off by dick because you think it's going to used on you? I used to hate dicks because I associated them with being pressured/obligated to do PIV or oral. Even though I'm a virgin and never been sexually abused, I've always been turned off by men who are predatory/coerce women into getting them off.

From the beginning my boyfriend has always let me do things at my own pace, and NEVER even hinted that I touch him or do anything for him. It made me realize I'm comfortable with dicks if I can just look at them/touch them when I feel safe with the person, as silly as that sounds.

No. 180670

Nta, but wow, I could have written this. I always associated sex and penises with violence and forceful penetration as well and for this reason I avoided it for the longest possible time but at the same time I knew I wasn't lesbian. I also wasn't raped or anything like that

No. 180738

I like butch women and feminine ones too, but I think I prefer a more tomboy style. I actually think I might consider dating a woman, I can't find men attractive and I wana spend the rest of my life cherishing a woman. Ive tried to have sex with a man, but i'm just dry no matter what. They just don't do it for me no matter what. Ive experimented before with a friend, but she was straight and kinda wish she was into it. I suppose I am a dumb lesbian after all.

No. 180770

How do you know if you are asexual (if that's even real) or just eternally depressed?

I have had ok het sex. It's never blown my mind. I never feel like I need it. I've had two partners; both sort of disgust me now. Both were long-term relationships (5y and 4y). One was a marriage; prior to that I was a virgin (don't criticize, I can't change that). I got married at 20 immediately after graduating uni early and that was pretty dumb.

Now I see people being so proud of liking men, women, men & women, NB people, whatever. And idk. I just want to feel valued and appreciated. I don't crave physical affection. I don't hug or touch people usually. (It's not my way of showing affection, period.) But when I was in relationships, I liked holding hands and stroking his hair and stuff like that, though. I'm just not physically affectionate with anyone else as a default.

I don't even know if I prefer men to women. I wouldn't say no to dating a woman. But I think that people generally know right? So idk. Ah fuck I'm hopeless.

See, idk if asexuality actually exists. I have had sex. Ergo I don't feel so repulsed by it that I won't do it. But I remember feeling so bored by it all. I've never thought of myself as someone people find physically attractive. I usually attract weird men. The only thing I am good for is my brain, and this year I've been so down /OCD (perfectionistic in bad way) that I have pissed off my diss committee.

But what does it even mean to have a sexuality? I think I just want a special friend who likes me a lot. And I'm NOT proud of that, it makes me feel like a weirdo or a child or a selfish prude or idk. I'm generous, even in bed, but I feel so guilty.

sorry for the sperging but I thought this was the best thread for ranting / asking these qs. Please don't think I'm some super special faery asexual bleating about how I need representation, because after writing all this I think I need therapy.

No. 180772

There's no need to label yourself at all. And if you want to know if you're eternally depressed, see a therapist.

No. 180826

Is it not-so-straight for me to think that butch/androgynous women are hotter and cuter than actual men? I lowkey had a crush on Magdalen Burns for instance, I think she and women who look like her are super cute. But generally I feel like women are better at looking attractively guyish than men are. I hope this doesn't come off offensive to any androgynous/butch farmers.

No. 183876

File: 1620280858675.jpeg (14.48 KB, 141x220, 53756A14-F36E-45FA-9462-711CCD…)

I am pretty sure I'm bi and want to try dating a girl but afraid it'll turn out I'm a douchey experimentally-bi straight girl who took advantage of a real bi/lesbian. As much as I've had crushes and masturbated about women I have this feeling that bisexuals are rarely 50/50 and maybe my man-lust is greater. It's so hard to know without any experience. I don't want to be someone's "straight girl who used me" story.

No. 183885

Just go for it, tell the other person you aren't into a serious relationship atm. But don't ever tell them you're just experimenting, that ruins things from the start. Good luck

No. 183886

Liking butch women means you like women, and women aren't men

No. 183990

I've always known I've been attracted to both sexes, however in my adult relationships with men after ~6 months in I always begin to resent men and fantasise about being with a woman. idk what it is, maybe unsavory behaviours in my partner that I blame on their gender. I've been with my current male partner for 2 years and things are going really well but these thoughts about women have started to occur as of recent. I'm not really someone who is comfortable with bringing other people into the picture so won't ask if he'd like to try something with a woman and myself, but yeah sometimes I straight-up am not really attracted to men at all which makes me confused and sad because I love my partner a lot. I know some people who feel this way open their relationship up for themselves and their partners to explore, however that really doesn't sit well with me personally. When I feel this way about women I'll go read some nice lesbian web comics or something and then feel much more positive about myself and horny for my male partner, though…what the fuck even is this? Ugh.

No. 184093

just go on a dating app and say you want a one night stand, no strings attached.

No. 184332

Ik women aren't men and that butches aren't men, I didn't mean to imply that. I just wonder if I'm straight and finding them attractive because my brain is attracted to a masculine/boyish appearance? I feel like men age so fucking terribly and don't take care of themselves whereas butches do it better because women are forced by society to know about grooming ourselves. Women also have cuter faces which is why I tend to find FTMs pretty cute in comparison to men who are on average so haggard looking.

No. 185029

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I've been confused about sexuality since I can remember. For a time in my teens I identified as bisexual, then I started identifying as a lesbian, but always felt like maybe I was lying to myself. Neither label felt completely 'right' for me. I have a low libido, but I've only ever really had any active desire to have sex with women. I've had men come onto me, even men I would say were attractive but only ever really felt mild revulsion or neutrality towards it.

I've kissed men before, allowed them to touch me but not really felt much from it. Not quite revulsion, but not really that electric excitement like with women either. At most maybe a sense of arousal from being desired than really wanting to have sex with them. I was outright disgusted when I noticed one male have a hard on next to me though. My experiences with women have always felt very natural and 'right'. Whereas my experiences with men always felt more like I was playing a role. Feeling like I /should/ be enjoying this more. I've never had sex with a man, and honestly find the idea upsetting at the worst of times and just bearable at the best of times. But part of me feels like maybe I'm just being a baby and could learn to enjoy it. However I cringe at the idea of just penetrating myself even with fingers.

At the same time, as a teenager I masturbated to gay & heterosexual hentai & pornography, it didn't matter what combination of men or women. I never imagined myself in the scenarios, I was simply masturbating to witnessing the sex acts, a voyeur. I've largely quit masturbating to pornography for personal reasons, but before I stopped I was mainly masturbated to lesbian porn. I still enjoy het love stories, play otome games, crushed on anime boys (never felt anything for male celebs, no matter how attractive or charming) and even had a fujoshi phase in my teens. I just feel like a liar saying I'm a lesbian, when I feel like I'm not telling the complete truth. I can't really see myself ever sleeping with a man, let alone having a serious relationship with one, but still. Still I keep wondering if maybe people are right, and the 'right' man will come along someday.

No. 185037

I'm pretty sure I'm bisexual but I noticed that throughout my life the males I've been attracted to have mainly been gay. I'm not sure if it's just because they groom better or there's something else going on.

No. 185478

Any other older ladies here who've come out late?
I'm 30. For a little background, I had a huge crush and made a move on a girl friend when I was like 10 which didn't go well at all. I was shamed heavily for it and it really fucked with my head, which put me in a state of denial about the whole situation. In school I never dated anyone and had no interest in males. I've had crushes on other girls but never gave them much thought, let alone acted on them. After high school I got into a relationship with a male, who tbh I wasn't even really attracted to at all, he just happened to be the first person to ever take interest in me. I'm realizing now that I simply liked the companionship and feeling 'liked' by somebody, due to my own non-existent self-esteem. I then dated 3 more men in my 20s but it's been the same situation-just me and my low self-esteem trying to evade loneliness. I've never enjoyed sex with men, but I'd give in just to be liked. It's so fucked up to think about now.
I've finally started the process of self-improvement and trying to work on all of my issues, including being honest with myself and the fact that I am sexually attracted to women.
I'm still frustrated and angry with myself tho. Seems most people are able to come to terms with their sexualities early on, like teens-twenties. I feel like I won't be taken seriously and my lack of experience only adds to that. But I know I'm 100% certain that I cannot ever imagine myself being with a man long term. I wouldn't even consider myself bisexual, but the fact that I've been with men in the past I'm afraid will make women not take me seriously. I've come to accept myself but what's the point if I won't be accepted by others?
Blows my mind that some women have marriages and children with men, only to come out as gay later on?

No. 185489

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I posted something similar to this in the bisexuality thread but I couldnt find it anymore and I just wanted to see if anyone is in the same boat as me

Anyway here it goes : Ive long identified as bisexual, I have attraction to both men and women. Had a boyfriend during my senior hs years and broke up with him during my first year in college. After dating him I realized I wasn't at all attracted to him, both romantically and sexually. I had to force myself to say stuff to him and what he wanted to hear and it never felt right to me. In terms of women,I've never really been with one.

Sex is fine to me but I don't feel that strong desire to form a romantic relationship with both men and women.

I feel like its because Im too socially inept or too much of a shut in or something else

No. 185490

You should get out there when you can and just give a woman a chance. It could just be pickiness for partners of any sex or could be that you've been gay the whole time.

No. 186829

I’m honestly really confused about what I am.

I’m 18, just graduating high-school. I went to a co-ed elementary/middle school and an all girls high-school. I’ve never had a crush on anyone, male or female, but I’d definitely want to be in a romantic relationship one day. I just don’t know with who…

As for sexual attraction, my coomerbrain makes it hard to tell what I actually I am. When I first began masturbating, I did it exclusively to pictures/videos of women, and really enjoyed looking at women’s fat asses and big tits (sorry to sound like a moid). I’ve also been turned on by looking at women with large assets and/or skimpy clothing irl. But later on, I started watching straight porn while imagining myself as a man. My top fantasy for the last couple of years facefucking a woman (as a man or futa) and cumming down her throat. I also get off to rpe fantasies with myself as a man rping a woman. If I try, I can masturbate to the thought of myself as a woman having sex with another woman, like sitting on her face or fingering her, but it takes way more effort than imagining myself as a man fucking a woman. I’ve never masturbated to the thought of having sex with a man, nor masturbated to a man. I’ve also never been sexually attracted to a man irl.

What am I? Am I just a degenerate coomer lesbian? Or am I something else? Heterosexuality showcased as AAP?

No. 186845

I have exclusively dated and fucked men, though I am also attracted to women. Lately, the thought of getting into a romantic or sexual relationship with a man exhausts me, and some days straight up disgusts me. I have a coworker, we’re both new to the job and I have a huuuuge crush on her. It’s weird, because I haven’t had a strong attraction to someone in so long, & never a woman. I sometimes scroll dating apps and both men/women on there largely disappoint me. I think I’m just a burnt out bisexual bitch on lexapro that’s been zapped of pretty much all my libido lmao

No. 194342

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same, anon. i am a depressed bitch with a low libido who has only ever fucked men and honestly i really regret it. men are fucking disgusting and i've never enjoyed having sex with one. the longer i live the uglier they become to me. i've pretty much become completely turned off from dating them because nothing about them seems enticing anymore. that and 2d boys are way cuter.

anyway, i'm just going to vomit out all of my confused shitty thoughts here. mostly i'm reevaluating my life and sexuality now that i'm almost 30 and have never been in a serious long term relationship, or any "real relationship" for that matter. growing up i had crushes on boys (2d and 3d), but my first actual kiss was with a girl at a very young age and i would also go on to kiss some girls in primary school. come to think of it, my first real sexual thoughts were all exclusively about women. then i later fucked 3 guys during my early 20s because i thought that's what i had to do to "date" and but i didn’t enjoy any of it. i cried after the first time because i thought i was “broken” for not enjoying it lmao. when i was 25, i had a man go down on me, and this was the only male encounter i semi-enjoyed mostly because it felt good and i didn’t have to reciprocate. so all in all i’ve had 4 male sexual partners, all one night stands because i couldn’t bear returning to those dicks. “maybe the next dick will feel right” god i’m such a retard.

also, kissing men doesn’t bring me the same rush and excitement that kissing women does. i’ve kissed a few girls and each time it was infinitely more pleasurable than any “kiss” from a scrote. their kisses are gentle and sensual, whereas men jam their tongue down your throat and have gross scratchy faces. ironically a moid once tried to “teach me how to kiss” because i kissed him too strongly since i assumed he was going to go for the same kamikaze tongue assault every other scrote has attempted. a very embarrassing moment for me.

i can’t call myself a lesbian since 2d guys are cute and also i’ve fucked scrotes, but i also don’t know if i can call myself truly bi because my attraction to men is so abstract that it only exists in the void of fictional men and i also never want to touch one sexually or date one ever again. i think i’m probably just fucked in the head.

No. 194373

I've always thought of myself as bi and am slowly realizing that I'm much more attracted to women than I am to men. The men I like are always the feminine type too, and both sexually and romantically women are more appealing to me.
The thing is though, all of my (very limited) relationship experience has been with men, and it's straight up because women intimidate me. Men are safe and 'easy', while women always seem so much cooler and more confident and that makes it scary to even think about trying to flirt with them. I know it's stupid to think about it like that, but I'm way more nervous and self conscious around women I like. A man's opinion just doesn't matter quite as much to me. I got rejected by a girl I had a huge thing for once, and I was so crushed. I guess maybe I'm just a coward who doesn't want that to happen again and therefore sticks with men.

No. 194421

imo, you are a lesbian. I don’t even see any other options

No. 196863


You sound exactly like me, anon. I’m a lesbian. I don’t get real-life crushes often, but I have a pretty high libido and can only get off while imagining myself with a dick. My fantasies are pretty similar to those too, lol. I’m somewhat comforted I’m not the only gay woman with degenerate scrotebrain kinks.

You’re definitely a lesbian.

No. 196864

Who wants it then? I'll give it to you all(USER HAS BEEN PUT OUT TO PASTURE)

No. 196868


you sound like a moid

No. 196899

Depends. Do you clean it well and do you have any STDs?

No. 197510

In light of the lesbo/bi fujo topic, and the bi debates that happen in /ot/ seemingly once a week, this has been weighing down on me for weeks. I have a flirty personality, as in I will crack jokes with whomever I’m comfortable with. But I’ve never been with a man. I’ve never wanted to genuinely be romantically intimate with a real, breathing man. Imagining it makes me gag. Imagining other people with an actual man is “whatever” at best. I’ve never wanted to have a real, living man that I know, be in a sexual experience with me.
Despite all this, I didn’t know-or rather I didn’t think- that I was a lesbian until I was almost 19. I grew up in a strict and religious environment at both school and home. My classrooms always had significantly more boys than girls until I graduated high school. I was (and still am) always more comfortable around my own sex in any given situation, and I was used to the idea that making an effort to appeal to boys, whether you liked them or not, was natural. It was good if boys liked you. So until my late teens I thought I was simply an abstaining virgin who hadn’t met prince charming. My relationships with other women were normal close friendships, nothing more nothing less.

It’s been nearly a decade since, and my only romantic relationships have ever been with women, and I have 0 expectation or plan that this will ever change. I don’t even like males as real life friends.
All of that being said, I don’t think I’m actually qualified to consider myself a lesbian anymore. I used to think comphet was real and I was another one of it’s passing victims. And even if it is real, I don’t think it applies to me anymore.
I understand cartoons can be ignored because they’re cartoons, but that’s not my only problem nor shared opinion. I have fantasized about “men” in the past. Idyllic, fairytale versions of them, because I didn’t know them. I could argue that they are barely actually men at all. But they’re still fantasies that I had. If it involved me then it was usually something like farming together or other domestic and pretty platonic activities. If the fantasy wasn’t involving me then it could also be some vague and possibly sexual scenario, and I don’t think its mere intrusive thinking. Thereby ruling out a comphet excuse as a possibility. This is really the only reason why I feel like I can’t and shouldn’t consider myself a lesbian anymore. Even if in theory I behave like one, in functionality I have a history of a habit that proves the opposite.

To be honest I feel disgusted with myself because it’s as if I’ve been treating being lesbian as this exclusive club and I was ecstatic when I found out my best friend was les too. I felt safe. I felt like I finally made sense. I feel like a had a whole life where I was proud of this part of me and what I lived through because of it, only to find out it was a lie I told myself. Even now I feel like I’m trying to convince myself I’m either bi or les through typing this, because I feel like if I say I’m lesbian I’m a shameless biphobic liar and if I say I’m bi then I’m throwing myself back into another closet. I honestly hope this confusion is being spurred by some scrote psyop in /ot/ because I don’t want to be questioning myself anymore and I don’t want to be something I’m not. No offense whatsoever, I miss the assurance and confidence I had with myself when I fully believed in who I was, and I miss not thinking less of myself because of males I’ll never have the misfortune of living with in the first place. I feel like if I fully convince myself that I’m bi, that I have to rework my entire life to adjust to the idea that there’s room for men in my life. I feel dread.

I don’t think fujoshit has anything to do with it, either. I already liked my chinese cartoon characters and reading shit about them before I became a fujo last year. If I had always been bi then my behavior could have been explained with how fictional men don’t exist and real women do. I thought Chris Evans was good looking and would partake in spergs about how he’s cute and shit, I even had touch-starved fangirl fantasies about us holding hands and hugging and how he’d be really nice to be around. But when I saw his dick pics my attraction instantly went away (not exaggerating) and I couldn’t fantasize anymore. It was like a stark and crude reminder. He even looked ugly to me for a while after. I wanted to believe that my attraction was admiration for him, and that it was it’s safe to like celebrities as a lesbian since to me they aren’t real people. But I don’t know anymore and I don’t trust myself anymore.

No. 197541

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I'm sorry if this is a stupid question, but am I a lesbian or bi if I only feel attraction for 3D women and 2D men? I find everything about real men ugly and repellent, but I have a husbando I fantasise about. Sometimes I enjoy gay doujins of him. In real life, I only find myself wanting to have sex with/have relationships with women.

No. 197568

Do you like penis? like, do looking at them making horny? if you do, you are bisexual

No. 197595

Does a lesbian mind answering how they feel about bicurious women who want to see how they feel about sex with women? Like if I’m pretty attractive and you’re down, are you happy to fuck or do you just feel inconvenienced by myself and other women who just wanna try out a one night stand? I’ve scrolled through lesbian dating apps and I imagine that it might feel like the dating pool is full of people looking for sex and not long term relationships.
I’d be upfront about my intentions from the start just for reference.

No. 197605

Seeing penises doesn't make me horny, but neither do vulvas or breasts on their own.
I like the gay doujins for the power/relationship dynamics/scenarios rather than the penises. The thought of actually recreating them with a man is gross, but I like the idea of recreating them with a woman.
I can't fantasise about RL men without cringing, but I can fantasise about RL female friends no problems.
I'm either bi with a very specific sex repulsion, or a lesbian with fujo/AAP tendencies. Idk which though.

No. 197623

i think it’s fine as long as you’re upfront about your intentions as you said

good luck anon

No. 197627

Totally depends on who you're talking to. I've slept with a few curious women but wouldn't do it now. Not because I have a particular dislike for bi-curious women but because if I were to be single again I'd most likely be looking for commitment. Like >>197623 said, just be upfront about it. Some women might turn you down but don't take it personal. Good luck, nonny.

No. 197944

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I think I'm biromantic and on the spectrum of asexuality or whatever. I get crushes on both genders. And I do occasionally get turned on by women I don't know, but never men. In the past I've felt turned on by men, but only those I knew very well and already had strong romantic feelings for. I sadly don't even know any women, I'm so damn shy and only men contact me. I think I might prefer women. Not sure what to do with all of this confusion But I feel incredibly lonely and like a weirdo.

No. 197972

You would be better off looking for fellow bisexual women to get that. The two previous anons were being polite about it but irl none of us want to be used as some kind of experiment by a man fucking woman.

No. 198065

this is so hostile lol. as long as you say upfront that you’re just wanting to experiment and don’t want anything serious then i think it’s fine. it’s up to the lesbian to decide if she wants to do that or not. pretending that you want something serious is obviously a shitty thing to do to anyone regardless of sexuality. but if you’re upfront about your intentions and accept that some lesbians might not be into it i don’t see why it’s wrong to approach lesbians about it

No. 198067

Please try dating a couple women before you commit to a man, even if you come across as cringe talking to women. You're fine, drop spaghetti if you need to, women think it's cute. I wasted years of my life in a situation almost identical to yours, thinking I was bi. Do not let easy access to male attention potentially derail your life.

No. 198086

I get the sentiment and think it's absolutely valid until
>by a man fucking woman
which sounds like an insult of the "filthy slut" variety. The obsession with dicks forever ruining pure women is unnerving

No. 198089

There are only a few anons here who think they're super speahul for being a gold star so it's best to just ignore them

No. 198203

Thank you, anon. This is what I want. At this point I just feel uncomfortable whenever a man is flirting with me, it doesn't feel right. I dream about being in a relationship with a woman. I just need to be more brave and actually take the first step. Hopefully someone will accept my awkward self.

No. 199560

lesbians & gays should be thrown into a fire unironically(USER HAS BEEN PUT OUT TO PASTURE)

No. 199563

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Brb going to hell anyway, might as well toast me up before I go

No. 199595

I'm so conflicted about my sexuality lately. I have a bf but I find myself thinking sometimes if I was with another woman I would express myself more freely. Also when we have sex, I try to imagine him as a woman but it's hard because.. yknow he has a dick and also a beard? so I can't really stay turned on for long. I knew I liked women when I was very young, I was at least 7 years old when I knew I had an attraction towards them. I do love my boyfriend, but not as much as I could love a woman? I've been with women and I love being able to relate to each other and the sex is so much better. It's hard to call myself lesbian obviously, since I am with a man currently but I think I'm trapped in wanting male attention even though it doesn't make me happy at all. When I think of myself married in the future, I always have thought it would be with a woman that I love. Does.. this mean something? Should I pick it up and do something with it or am I dumb. Help me anons.. Lord

No. 199607

Samefag but I only ask if it's something I should pursue since I've tried to come out about this with family and they tell me I'm only like this because I was molested by men, so the attraction to women isn't real and I need to "find the right man" but the thought of the right man makes me sick.. I still doubt myself though

No. 199669

Yes. That you don't desire him is a massive red flag. Don't waste your years on someone you know you don't have attraction towards.
>Samefag but I only ask if it's something I should pursue since I've tried to come out about this with family and they tell me I'm only like this because I was molested by men, so the attraction to women isn't real and I need to "find the right man" but the thought of the right man makes me sick.. I still doubt myself though.
Look I don't know you that well and maybe a therapist can confirm or not confirm where your issue with men comes from. That being said, it doesn't actually matter. It's okay to love women and be a bisexual that only dates women. You don't have to be anything beyond that if that's what you see yourself as. Absolutely do not, under any circumstance, force yourself to be with men to "get over trauma". Regardless of whether you have a learned aversion or not. It doesn't fucking matter. What matters is you're not asexual, you can readily love and desire women. You can just pursue that and never touch a man again. You'll be happy and anyone who thinks you have to work on your discomfort with men is a homophobic piece of shit. Yes, even that family of yours.

No. 199732

Thank you so much, I needed to hear this. I'll do the right thing about my current relationship. It will be hard but he deserves someone who wants him fully without a doubt and I deserve to find out what makes me truly happy. It's weird how so much women in the world think they need a men or male attention to thrive but I think it's been bringing me down this whole time

No. 199792

I don't like having sex with men and the idea of fucking them is a turn off. I cringe thinking of when I had sex and I wasn't getting wet, I wasn't turned on at all, and they would just say woow you're so tight I can't fit it in when in reality I should have taken that as a sign I wasn't sexually aroused I don't believe there are single men who aren't porn-addicted cumbrains, it feels like the only ones left are fucked in the head. I would be okay having a normie bf who doesn't want to fuck but just cuddle and hold hands but that probably won't happen kek. I don't feel comfortable at all approaching women, I am pretty intimidated by them. When I have crushes on women it always turns out they have a boyfriend anyways.

No. 199976

>I would be okay having a normie bf who doesn't want to fuck but just cuddle and hold hands but that probably won't happen kek.
That's not a "normie", that is an asexual. Sounds like you're pretty gay, I encourage you to just start off by making friends with lesbians. Approaching women with the clear intent of dating (like on a dating app or at a bar) is quite intimidating for a lot of people, especially when it's new. Just approach them platonically, see how you feel just in their non-romantic presence. If you wanna someday date a woman, you can try that out in the future.

No. 200972

I feel like I'm attracted to men in my head but not really in action. I don't date but sometimes I sign up for dating sites to see whose around me and I'm completely indifferent to the men's section but really enjoy looking through the women's. I find some men attractive like celebrities but if I ever date I would only be interested in dating a woman.

No. 200994

I genuinely wish there was some non cringe community of asexuals which is not populated by self loathing 14 year olds because I feel like asexual is genuinely what I am and how I feel. But you can't even say it anymore without people immediately lumping you in with picrew icons "asexual but kinky" tumblr children

No. 201025

do straight girls get turned on by lesbian scenes? genuine question

No. 201027


100% straight and I have watched some lesbian scenes where I can appreciate that there is some kind of beauty on screen but I do not get turned on by it.

No. 201029

thank you anon

this is just me rambling but I've always gotten turned on by lesbian scenes (just kissing scenes, no porn - straight or gay - does anything for me) but have trouble considering myself bi because I can't see myself in a relationship with a woman. I wonder if people would say that's bi with a preference for men? idk though, I'm only physically attracted to men I like romantically. ah well it's not super important to me

I feel a bit similarly towards demisexuality, I find it and the people who use it pretty cringe and don't think it's necessary to have the label at all since it has nothing to do with /who/ you're attracted to and thus isn't really a sexuality, but it's the best word I have to explain how I experience attraction.

No. 201035

I'm 100% straight and I do. I think it's probably learnt. I don't want to actually have a kiss / sex / relationship with women so I'm straight. It does turn me on (if they're attractive) same with hot tiktok dances, I hate it when guys dance though ew.

No. 201054

I think demisexuality is just normal human, and especially normal female, sexuality. People who use that label probably just feel really bad and intimidated by hook up culture and feel like their normal human need for emotional commitment is a separate sexuality. It's really sad that people with a natural low sex drive are now driven to coin new labels for themselves because it's seen as abnormal if you don't want to have sex with every stranger who asks

No. 201057

that's how I see it as well. it just seems like everyone I talk to has specific things they find sexually attractive (nice hands, abs, etc.) when I've never had that, not even when I was a hormonal teenager. and I've found really ugly motherfuckers attractive because of the emotional connection. I guess my sex drive is just pretty low

No. 201060

Is it normal, though? I agree it's not really worth the label, but I assumed most people could be easily aroused by strangers. Not actually considering sex with them because that would be risky and awkward, but definitely able to get off to the idea.

That said I am cursed with a scrote-tier libido.

No. 201062

With so many people pretending being bi/lesbian I'm very confused to what's supposed to make you a lesbian/bi. I'm definitely attracted to men but i watch lesbian porn routinely, and inb4 "most women watch lesbian porn" i get aroused because i imagine myself in sexual situations with those women, I'd like to have sex with them and that's the only thing I masturbate to besides some fantasies (with women), to the point i seriously hate when there's a dick in a scene, actually I'm 100% sure i would lose my virginity to a woman with no problem. Idk if i can call myself bi tho.

No. 201064

I think the reason a lot of het women watch lesbian porn is because it's a lot more pleasant to look at than violent and degrading boy/girl scenes. If they're straight they don't imagine themselves in the scenario. Since you're also repulsed by dick it seems to me like you're a lesbian probably. Don't worry too much about labels though when you're still figuring things out

No. 201065

Samefag I also think women looks aren't appreciated besides conventionally attractive women, it's very weird to me. There's so many types of sexy women in this world i don't understand how scrotes are so shitty and demand so many things, the average woman is far more attractive than a scrote, hell, even a 3/10 girl is better than an average scrote. Feels bad because men get catered to and see beautiful women everywhere to the point they get used to it but i still cannot get used to so many beauty.

No. 201073

Basically, porn means nothing. If you're not attracted to and want to build a romantic relationship with women IRL then you don't actually "swing that way".

No. 201078

I'm not repulsed by dick, i just don't like dicks in a lesbian scenario.
I think that makes sense, i wish i could actually date someone but there are almost no gay women in my area (extremely homophobic country). I got to know two gay women two months ago, i miss them so much and i wish i could tell them my feelings. Also, could you please elaborate? why porn doesn't mean anything?

No. 202862

I've had confusing thoughts about my sexuality ever since puberty. I know I'm mostly romantically and sexually attracted to men, but women are far more aesthetically pleasing to me and sometimes I think being with a woman would be nice. Idk it's kind of weird. I've had small crushes on women before and sometimes I think being with a woman is off-putting but other times I think I would really like it. I've had lots of lesbian sex dreams that I really enjoyed but I know that's not the same as being with a woman irl. It makes me wonder if I'm a 1 or 2 on the Kinsey scale but tend psychologically to suppress my attraction to women for whatever reason.

I've posted on LC before that I was thinking about experimenting with women sexually so I can fully figure out my sexuality but I was met with a negative reaction. I guess unless I naturally meet a woman irl who I'm attracted to sexually and romantically I can just keep identifying as straight and it doesn't really matter.

No. 203517

Any advice for coping with internalised homophobia? I think that's a big source of my confusion.

No. 203674

I don't find myself attracted to women most of the time but I do think of them when I masturbate. I also love the idea of having a gf and fantasize about it sometimes. I find myself watching youtube videos of female youtubers and thinking "I wish she was my gf" and thinking of what it would be like to have a gf and all the cute things we could do and how close we would be. it's kind of frustrating to have these thoughts. I'm not ashamed or anything, it just makes me question myself. I thought I was bisexual for a while but I think I'm straight. I wonder if my view of men has deteriorated so much over the past decade because of a combination of personal experiences and things I've witnessed that I stopped seeing them as viable partners maybe? Idk.

No. 203700

I can't say I agree with this. This standard is only put on women. If a supposedly straight scrote was getting turned on by men in porn and actively seeked out gay porn we'd all be pretty confident calling him at least bisexual.

No. 203703

Nta but I'd also factor in how girls are raised to be sexual and take after other sexual, attractive women. A lot of women equate womanhood with sex by default. It's bound to do funny things to our attractions. And we have this in our heads before we even see porn.

No. 203758

Maybe it’s worth thinking about how you want to live your life foremost and not necessarily how you identify or what percentage you would sleep with a woman.

Would you like to live a life where you date women or even marry one? Would you prefer being together with a man in the end? What sort of future do you want for yourself?

If you want to, I think there’s nothing wrong with dating women to figure it out, but from the other side those women who want to be taken seriously as viable romantic partners might feel frustrated, which was probably what caused the LolCow pushback. That said, there are quite a lot of women looking to experiment so you could also try hooking up with one of them if you really wanted to know. Honestly, even if you were upfront about wanting to figure out your sexuality, some women would be up for it. As long as everyone is on the same page.

No. 203897

Always been a sexually retard tomboy and still haven't had the will to masturbate, lose virginity etc. Does this count as being a homosexual/bi or some sort of sign of mental illness?

I haven't had any sexual desires towards irl males and find them repulsive outside of a sadist femdom fantasy (where I wouldn't do any sexual activities with them and just make them suffer). I think it might be an extension of me not liking them because I would never actually get into a relationship with one and have created these fucked requirements so I have an excuse to insta-filter them all. The thought of them touching me in (platonic or sexually) or vice versa makes me queasy.

I think I would honestly prefer to be in a relationship/marry a female and the inclinations are way calmer towards them. Also don't have theoretical problems with performing sexual acts on them (receivings still a problem for me).

No. 203902

>I haven't had any sexual desires towards irl males and find them repulsive outside of a sadist femdom fantasy (where I wouldn't do any sexual activities with them and just make them suffer)

nona, that's called being based.

jk though, I think you sound lesbian.

No. 203920

Related question: do lesbians get turned on watching gay men making out/having sex?

No. 203935

One of the cows that I follow is a lesbian with a lesbian friend group and a bunch of lesbian exes that all stay in touch with her… lately she and the people around her have been opening up about sex more in her vids and alot of it is about suddenly being open to being with men or having an ex who watches gay male porn all the time but never dates men. I really don't know what to make of stuff like that. It's a mindfuck to think about and try to make sense of.

In a way I get that peoples porn habits can weirdly just not line up with their irl sex life but I dunno. How much can you seperate 'fap material' from what you'd ever do in person. It's a tough one.

No. 203993

Not to sound like a scrote but fantasy isn't reality. Lots of ppl read/watch certain shit that doesn't match their sexuality/irl preferences. Whether to fulfill some inner desire or curiosity. I know lots of fujos like yaoi because it's a way to get away from female objectification & submission. Idk which old dude said it but our sexuality is where all the repressed shit goes to hang out.

No. 203997

NTA but I think focusing too much about what kinda porn people are addicted to is a mistake. Fetishes escalate thanks to internet porn and what you masturbate to at this point has nothing to do with orientation. What anyone questioning should look into is whether she'd be interested in dating women long term, marrying them, whether she'd enjoy pleasing a vagina IRL etc. It's real life stuff, judging sexuality by porno is misleading.

No. 204007

ntayrt but how do you categorize someone who's not into any real people at all?

No. 204092

File: 1630714616288.jpg (96.03 KB, 640x480, martin1.jpg)

I always thought I'm bisexual. I had only one sexual experience in my life and it was with a girl when I was 14. I'm 26 and I only now started dating (yes, I know, that's very late). I had two dates with two different guys, I had sexual fantasies about them but the moment I sat next to them and I got a closer look, they started to disgust me. I couldn't imagine kissing them on the lips etc. I don't have the same reaction when I sit next to women, but at the same time I don't even fantasize about women anymore. Maybe I was only attracted to the idealized versions of those men in my mind? I don't know. I have such tiny experience in dating and getting close to people, I have a hard time with describing my orientation. I fantasise about men more often than about women, yet the moment I get close to a man I found previously attractive, I find him repulsive, and it has nothing to do with any particular feature of his, I just find him gross overall. Now I'm very confused, I don't know if I'm bisexual at all. Or maybe I lived for so long in my autistic isolation, devoided of any interaction with males in the outside world, that, despite the attraction being there initially, now I simply find their form too alien for my tastes? I wasn't molested or anything. I'm so horny, I masturbate every day, so it's not like my libido is low or something. I just can't grasp the idea of kissing or fucking a guy for real, not just in my fantasies.

No. 204094


Some form of asexual would be my guess. Or, mentally damaged/pornsick. Kek

No. 204113

File: 1630726227567.jpg (35.4 KB, 500x471, EaJv-wGWsAA_GHa.jpg)

I've been reading about compulsive heterosexuality and I was thinking about het pairings and I thought about Éowyn and Aragorn. I think that, even though she ends up with Faramir and genuinely loves him, she represents the idealisation of a hypothetical man so well, she thought she was in love with Aragorn as a man but she wasn't, she was in love with an idea, what he represented, and that feeling was made possible only by how unattainable he was.
I don't know how off topic or how much of a stretch this may seem like but it made me understand my attraction to men, and now I'm like 99% sure I'm actually a lesbian and not bi

No. 204856

File: 1631213213645.jpg (66.33 KB, 944x655, E-rkXQaXIAY692G.jpg)

so this guy wants me to meet his gf for a threesome, im very nervous im afraid she'll think i'm dumb and ugly or something, its not a casual thing ive known the guy for a while and the girl and i want to get to know each other first, i'm not super interested in having a threesome because i feel like its very moid centered fantasy i'm more excited about the idea of having sex with a girl but i have couple of things on my mind 1-i never kissed or had sexual relations with a girl and i'm inexperienced with sex in general i wont have penetrative sex so idk if this is the best way to experiment with same sex 2-i've read other women's experiences with threesomes and how it made them insecure 3-i dont know if this girl is actually into girls or just going along with it for his bf. Ever since he brought it up ive been daydreaming about the girl and being in a throuple or just being lovers with her but its just daydreaming obviously i would never act on it. I'm going between -do it experience is experience they dont seem like a cringe couple - and -dont give into a male fantasy it you'll feel insecure and the girl will hate you-

No. 204858

Don't do it, my god that sounds like a recipe for absolute cringe and disaster. You're not experienced enough and threesomes are iffy at the best of times. Why tf would you want your first experience with a woman be with someone who's 90% chance just doing it to keep her shitty moid happy? Just find a single woman.

No. 204859

>idk if this is the best way to experiment with same sex
Uh, no. No it's not. Wtf you literally listed all the glaring issues with this idea, please don't put yourself in such a repulsive situation

No. 204862

i cant approach women i get very anxious since i cant tell if they're bi/lesbian thats why this felt like the perfect opportunity but you guys are right its more likely that she's trying to fulfill his fantasy so i'll pass on the threesome offer, should i ask her out on a one-on-one date instead? that way i would know if she's actually into women right?

No. 204865

Don't ask her on a date. She's taken and it'd be equally bad to get in the middle of their relationship, which is assuredly fucked up if they're pursuing a threesome. Honestly if I were you I wouldn't even want to be friends with that guy anymore. The fact that he's confessed to sexual thoughts about you ia creepy as fuck.

I understand social anxiety can make dating very scary. Regardless, that's something you'll have to get over if you want a long term, healthy relationship with another woman. Improve your self esteem and gain more nonsexual life experience to help yourself along. Easier said than done, but there's a happy ending for you Nona. I promise.

No. 204875

I don't like dating apps as a rule but mostly when it comes to scrotes on them. They might not be bad for you. You could at least build up some courage talking to women that way with the bonus of knowing they're into girls. Yes some women will say they're bi when they're just experimenting or want to seem more open minded, but it should still offer more peace of mind than having to guess about someone in person

No. 208684

File: 1633732151085.jpg (14.66 KB, 343x344, 1633485232861.jpg)

Why do so many zoomer girls say they're bi?

Is it all just one big larp to "enjoy their youth" because they think this somehow adds to their persona?
I can't even see myself with another woman emotionally, let alone have sex with her. A guy I dated recently was genuinely surprised I wasn't into girls at all, yes, really.

No. 208685

Bro, how many times are you going to post this?

No. 208686

>can't even see myself with another woman emotionally, let alone have sex with her.
Congratulations you aren't bi now stop spamming.

No. 208687

Didn't this just get posted on /ot/?

No. 208689

They literally made a whole thread for it, and then posted it in the stupid questions thread. Ridiculous.

No. 208691

just switched from 4chan have mercy

No. 208692

No. 208695

Many LARP as bi to gain social credit within certain social circles, I call them TikTok LARPers. They wouldn’t come near a woman sexually with a ten foot pole. There are actual ones, of course, but they tend to be the ones who don’t put much effort into broadcasting a certain identity at all. They just go for women right away.

Also, being bi can be appealing to men. Lesbian? Unshaven surly bitch! Bi? Edgy, sexy, just the right amount of masculine but still mainly feminine.

No. 208698

go back

No. 209552

Sorry to bump the thread but nonna's I'm so confused I can only see myself in a long term relationship with a man but when I think about sex it's only ever with other women. I can't imagine having sex with a man and enjoying it. I do get crushes on both men and women though, what the hell does this mean?

No. 209568

You're straight but the male gaze/objectification in porn has made it hard for you to imagine sex with a male

No. 209576

No. 210482

i’m kind of confused. i’ve always thought i was a lesbian since i was 14 (before that i thought i was bisexual). i’ve only had sex with women and aside from a very short non-sexual relationship with a guy when i was 13, i’ve only dated women. i would be content with calling myself a lesbian but i am also a shameless fujoshi. i know that plenty of lesbians are fujoshis but i’m not sure if that’s the case or if i am genuinely attracted to men in some way. i don’t tend to read mangas, just read fanfictions and i never watch gay porn. i try not to watch porn in general but the times i have i’ve watched lesbian porn.

part of me thinks this because my first exposure to sexual content was drarry fanfictions when i was like 13 and i continued to read m/m fanfiction since then. so nearly a decade. so it feels like that type of sexual dynamic is hard wired into my brain. it doesn’t help that good f/f fanfiction is hard to come by (not for lack of trying).

also i’m quite obsessed with kpop. i listen to both male and female artists but because all of my friends are into boy groups i tend to be more involved in the fandoms for male groups. and that includes reading m/m fanfiction about them.

i couldn’t imagine being in a relationship with a man or having sex with a man though

being a fujoshi i think has destroyed my brain but there’s something so addictive about it.

No. 210486

>i couldn’t imagine being in a relationship with a man or having sex with a man though

You answered yourself. If you're not sexually and emotionally attracted to irl men you're fine

No. 210923

File: 1635190123761.png (194.18 KB, 264x317, catinbox.PNG)

Never attracted to moids sexually or romantically no matter what I try. Went on a road trip with the nicest, most non-threatening guy in the world, he paid for almost the entire thing and we ended up chatting on a lake under the stars followed by dinner and a hot tub and I thought I'd feel something but absolutely nada. I thought I was just really picky and had high standards and maybe only something really romantic could turn me on but all I could imagine was how nice it would be if he was a girl and how repulsed I felt everytime he tried to touch me. I don't know if I'm a lesbian either though because I've only had crushes on women in fiction or had weirdly intense platonic friendships with straight women. The one girlfriend I had, we dated casually for 3 months but I didn't feel any connection to her despite her being cute. I was also so nervous about having sex that I kept telling her I wasn't ready until she got angry and broke up with me.
I just feel like I'm broken somehow. I want to have an 'adult' relationship but I seem incapable of forming any kind of romantic bond with others. Maybe I'm asexual, maybe I'm just an autistic lesbian. I'm turning 27 soon and have never felt comfortable enough with anyone to have sex.

No. 211213

I have only ever felt sexual attraction to males irl, apart from one girl. Overall I haven't liked many people. Every time I developed feelings for a man it would escalate into a weird obsession. I've never really been able to talk to men, so I would barely know these guys but I would make up this idealised version of them in my head including completely unrealistic scenarios, and when they would behave like themselves and break my fantasy I would feel upset but it took years to actually be put off and see reality. What's confusing me is that I'm not sure if I've ever actually liked a male romantically or if I'm just chasing an idea of being loved and receiving attention. I don't think i had feelings for these men purely based on appearance, but probably because they weren't bad looking and seemed nice/non threatening so it was easy to create a fantasy. I've had one very short relationship with a man that was pretty meaningless. It was online but we already had met years before. We met once and physical contact went as far as one awkward hug. We met as group with mutual friends so it wasn't really romantic. I felt feelings but I think a lot of that was because no one had ever been interested in me before, so being complimented and being called someones gf was nice. I did find him a bit attractive but there was no kind of love. Throughout the whole thing he would ignore me and make me feel like shit. We had some things in common but there was no connection. He was normal guy with a lot of female and male friends and I was and still am a 'loser'. Ive always connected with women better. I haven't had a male friend since I was very young, and I feel very nervous around men and can't talk to them. I had feelings for a female friend but I pushed them away/they stopped. It didn't last long and it wasn't like my feelings towards men. I feel like I lost those feelings as we are good fiends and I had always seen her in that way before and after I was attracted to her. Ive liked a few women I see online as well. I only really like gnc women, but where I'm from I literally have never met one. I've never really been able to get turned on by the thought of men even though I've tried a lot as I was worried/ashamed that I didn't feel that way. I had a porn problem that all revolved around porn with only women, and my sexuality is permanently fucked but I'm clean and trying to improve. I still can't really feel turned on by men though only the occasional fujoshit. I don't see myself as a lesbian or straight, so I've always identified as bisexual and I think that's fitting. I just don't understand how I feel and who/what will make me happy in my life.

No. 211228

I've never really been sexually attracted to anybody in r/l in my whole life. I do flip flop between considering relationships with moids or women, but ultimately I know I will never experience romance or any form of intimacy. I don't even see myself capable of being reciprocal in the affection I receive since I am naturally not programmed that way and can't do it. I find it hard to even give dating a try because I don't view myself as desirable to anyone and I feel like I am not good enough. I would rather not have to feel such an unnecessary feeling because as much as I would like to go on one date for the sake of checking something off my mental bucket list, the effort doesn't seem worth it.

No. 211244

Same boat, I’ve tried going on a few dates (just to check it off, like you said) and felt nothing. I used to think that maybe I was just a late bloomer but now I’m getting into my late 20s. I think if a switch was gonna flip it would have happened by now. It’s a bummer because I’d really like to have a best friend to live my life with but who would want to spend their life with somebody who can’t love them back?

And before anyone goes off on me, yes I’ve gotten all the bloodwork done and have no hormonal abnormalities. No I’d don’t have any early trauma that would make me feel this way. At the end of the day though I usually operate on a “don’t tell unless I’m asked” basis with regards to sexuality, not because I’m hiding it but because I absolutely hate people who use sexuality as an aesthetic or as the foundation of their personality rather than a minor character trait. Also I hate the people who say “I’m asexual but I love porn and masturbation and getting all goo-goo-lovey with other people, please validate that I’m speshuuul.

No. 211257

fanfiction is so detached from any type of reality, you're not even looking at depictions of male bodies of any sort. i was the same as a lesbian (as in i read m/m fics and am still a kpopsperg) and i do not think it a significant bearing on your sexuality. there's just a far greater abundance and diversity in m/m fics, the male characters are often very clearly written by women (because they're actually interesting kek) & for me at least, the sex scenes were far more about the words exchanged than any lurid descriptions of their bodies, which i tend to dislike.

as long as you're not fantasizing about yourself with kpop boys or fictional ones or whatever, i don't think it makes you bisexual. old habits just die hard, kek.

No. 212292

i honestly don't know if i actually am attracted to people or not and if i am, i'm really depressed that i'm feeling this way so late in life.

No. 212568

File: 1636319814915.png (205.86 KB, 400x266, 64657.png)

I'm in my early 30's and have no idea of what I am or what I like, if anything… I never had an interest in relationships/sex from puberty to age 28. I decided to get into one because I suddenly had an interest in the mechanics of sex.
I had one partner (male) and the sex part was uncomfortable at best and excruciating all other times. Could not get into it AT ALL. This was a couple years ago and the more time that passes, the harder I cringe when I think about it.
As of now, I positively wither at the thought of having sex with a man. Like, I'd rather have my fingers broken than do that again. I've never had any kind of relationship or encounter with a woman. I've thought about it but feel so disconnected from all types of intimacy. Maybe I need therapy to deal with the first relationship. He was an alcoholic that enjoyed scaring people.
All I know for sure is, the door to having sex with men is a welded shut one. Never again. I try not to dwell on the fact that I DID have sex with a man because obviously there's nothing that can be done about it haha.

No. 215406

I've identified as bi for a good part of my life but actually the only men I'm attracted to are fictional ones, otherwise males physically disgust me, even so-called conventionally attractive and fit ones, there's something so repulsive about them (and no it's not just the dicks). I have zero sexual trauma or anything, I really don't get it.

No. 215420

by fictional men is there a certain kind, like stylized anime or androgynously designed? i feel like if you're attracted to drawings that don't really resemble real people it doesn't count, i think the lesbian masterdoc is mostly bunk but being repulsed by real males probably means you aren't bisexual

No. 215434

nta but why do you people keep saying this? The 'every woman is a lesbian' thing is getting fucking old. it's normal not to be attracted to RL scrotes (because most of them are disgusting and degenerate) but be boy crazy in other ways. it just means you don't want to be used. i hated having sex with women so i'll never be a lesbian. pussy is gross and unappealing and i hate that you cunts made me think i would be okay with it.

No. 215443

if you got memed into eating pussy by the internet i think that’s your own fault. the lesbian masterdoc and discussions around “comphet” mainly cause confusions for bisexual women. i’m not sure how you as a straight woman got confused about your sexuality

No. 215455

Different anon but I am only attracted to animated or literary males (so no human actor involved), star trek aliens (only with their makeup on, NOT the actors), and women. I consider myself bi at this point mainly because I'd feel less guilty about being wrong that way. I've waffled back and forth between bi and lesbian my whole life, a good decade after most people are sure. In my case I think there may be a trauma component so I just stick with IDing as bi.

No. 215456

Nta but I could see some straight women being confused because of how ugly and annoying a lot of men are kek. I used to think I wasn't straight for the same reason.

No. 215467

i don't know if that was replying to the post above but i don't believe in the "everyone is a lesbian" meme and i think 99% of the masterdoc is bunk, but cartoon or monster or whatever men are more grounded in imagination and fantasy than being actual men, fictional crushes correlate with real life attraction most of the time but if someone is legit repulsed by the real thing (especially if someone has no trauma attached to it) then some cases it doesn't. almost all of my straight/bi female friends would show me pictures of the ugliest fucking scrotes and gush over how cute they were so i wouldn't say repulsion to the real thing but into fantasy is common. sorry that sjw culture meme'd you into thinking you should fuck a woman but that's not really my problem

No. 215513

this is why i feel like more emphasis needs to be put on finding women attractive then what makes men unattractive

No. 215515

I'm a closeted lesbian with a husband and I cope because my husband has the most female body I've ever seen on a man, wide hips, somewhat slender and gyno that could easily pass for a woman with B cups (which is unironically my preference). He thinks I just have a weird sissy kink or something when I play with his boobs but I cheat on him on the DL all the time, including with one of his female friends he introduced me to. He doesn't know any of this

No. 215528

you sound like a moid

No. 215559

Ayrt and the fictional men I'm attracted to are unambiguously males (and weird shit like monster and robots), not androgynous nor even bishounens, and I get off to yumejo doujinshis of my husbando, that's mostly why I don't want to call myself lesbian because I think it would disrespectful to real lesbians. There are some male celebrities that I think are attractive, but I would probably not think the same if they were right in front of me (and I tend to think more of them as the characters they play rather than real people). I think calling myself a Kinsey 5 is more simple, and autism probably plays a part in all of this kek.

No. 215561

you sound bi

No. 215574

ayrt, thanks for clarifying. that sounds more like a grey area in my opinion so i think calling yourself bisexual in that case is probably fine, it's up to you

No. 215580

ur bi own it kek

No. 215619

> my husband has the most female body I've ever seen on a man, wide hips, somewhat slender
As a retarded straight, i’m jealous

No. 216887

so I've seen a very many women, both on lolcow and just in general, say how they "prefer women sexually" but still prefer dating men/relationships with men for whatever reasons or that they masturbate to women but have no interest in dating them irl etc. but I kind of feel like I might be the opposite of that? I've only had 2 real relationships with men that ended in flames, in fact I've never had a positive "romantic" experience with a man (a married man tried to groom me on the internet when I was 16, a teacher more than twice my age flirted with me). and I love the idea of having a gf, and sometimes I'll be watching female youtubers and I'm just like.. damn I wish she was my gf, I just want to cuddle and protect her and think of all the cute things we could do together and I like the thought of having an LTR and building our life together. I know it probably sounds like I just want a friendship but Idk if it's that because I've had female friendships before that I liked as friends but didn't feel that way about them. it's like sometimes there's something special and I want there to be something more than just a friendship, and every time there's a lesbian relationship in media (which admittedly is quite rare) it gives me flutters

that being said, as an adult I've never had that visceral sexual attraction towards a woman like I do towards men. my attraction towards men is very raw and sexual. but a relationship with one doesn't sound so appealing. I'm not opposed to trying sex with a woman some day or seeing if I like eating pussy but I don't think I will like it. I don't actually believe in the "split attraction model" but I have to admit sometimes it seems legit. I think I'm probably just straight, but it's still frustrating. has anyone else experienced this?

No. 216902

>wide hips, somewhat slender and gyno that could easily pass for a woman with B cups
I'm late but a slender man with a pair of b cup breasts sounds diseased, unwell. I know you're trying to paint some weird moid fantasy here but all I can think of is hormonal imbalances and disease.

No. 216905

This is erotic fanfiction. Fuck off, scrote.

No. 217126

you sound like a curious straight woman

No. 217711

It's kind of stupid to think about because I'm in a longterm relationship with a man but I think I'm bisexual. It took me a long time to come to terms with my attraction to women because growing up being bisexual never occurred to me due to my mother's religious background, she even got suspicious and angrily accused me of being gay a few times. I never got to explore my sexuality because my current relationship is my first ever legit one and I sometimes longingly think of what could have been.

I have fantasized about having sex with women, especially eating pussy and ones I find attractive do fluster me, but I think I'm still attracted to men more. I've never had a non-celeb crush on a woman (except for one I'm kind of crushing on but we will never meet and she doesn't know I exist) but at the same time I can count the amount of crushes I've had on men on one hand. I just don't want to be another fake bi when I've only ever been with my boyfriend.

No. 217715


You know what, it sounds like you already know for yourself, but it doesn’t have to impact your life as you’re already taken. You like women a little, and men more, and there’s absolutely no pressure to tell anyone, they’re just your inclinations. You may feel you can only romance men too, and will probably end up with one. Plus, it’s natural to be pickier with men as female reproduction is high labour and high risk. So yeah, I’m mostly just saying if you love your relationship don’t throw it away, relationships are about exclusivity and saying ‘no’ too, and don’t feel pressured to tell people if you don’t want to, if that’s what you’re worried about. Just a human with feelings tbh

No. 217737

I hate scrotes but I cant lie, i get butterflies at the thought of a kiss on the cheek
Life is hard

No. 217738

I’m exclusively attracted to the weird shit like (male) monsters, robots, AI, and aliens, but honestly, it isn’t even that sexual, more like heart pangs (hes so cute my heart) things like that
I’ve never been turned by a person.
I’ve dated a dude but I wasn’t ever turned on, and the love was nothing else than platonic, really how I’d feel about a brother. Sex was torture, even though he was such a gentle person.
I guess i unironically was born in the wrong generation, actually, the wrong century

No. 217755

Thank you for your reply anon, I really appreciate it.

No. 220619

Can't tell if I'm asexual or just have hang-ups. I've never felt romantically interested in another person in real life, but I have entertained the idea of having a girlfriend (sometimes very strongly) basically since puberty. I haven't seriously thought about having a boyfriend, and in my opinion I think women are generally more attractive (possibly because I'm less fond of men as well). Obviously it's been a bit difficult to make new connections recently, which has not been helpful. For the past year-ish even my interest in a theoretical relationship has dissipated almost entirely and thinking of so much as kissing another person actually seems kinda repulsive, but maybe I'm just depressed lmao.

No. 220623

i had a slightly similar experience, but i realized after talking to so-called "asexuals" and other experiences that i just have hang-ups

No. 220708

So I’m not the anon, but this is almost my situation, except for my bf has openly supporting me exploring my sexuality with women, separate from him and I (as in, he doesn’t want to be a third, but wants to support me and give me room to grow) .
And I am so thankful we could talk about our wants, and that it didn’t make him angry or insecure.
However, now I’m daunted by putting myself out there, and I don’t know how to selectively find people who are down for experimenting…. I should have done this at 20 but I’m a late bloomer and I don’t want to waste anyones time.

No. 220736

I've had crushes on men but I've only ever been obsessed with women, never had a bf (only gfs), never been turned on during sex with a man and didn't fuck any men until my mid 20s. Is this what being a Kinsey 4-5 bisexual is?

No. 220758

What made you realize?

No. 220898

i've been watching amouranth's asmr videos for the past hour or so, and i'm starting to worry a bit over my reactions to said videos. i really do not want to deal with being a lesbian at all. pls help thank u

No. 220904

File: 1641171691705.jpeg (59.39 KB, 500x383, 1630204808179.jpeg)

my mom and all her side of the family (she has 13 brothers and sisters) are homophobic as fuck and ultra religious. ive known i like girls my entire life. but i didnt tell my mom till i was 20 and i had been in a relationship with my ex gf for like 3 years in secret to my family. i finally left the closet fully then a year or two later i broke up with that gf.
i decided to experiment and tried dating men. my longest relationship was 4 years with a woman, but i only managed 1 year with a man. i started having doubts about my sexuality again this year and if i truly like men or if i just like the easy attention they give me everytime. when i told close friends about this they told me i was just a lesbian in denial, since ive considered myself lesbian most of my life and all my attempts to date men have gone horribly. it just made me more confused so i stopped mentioning it and stopped giving labels to myself deliberately.
now im dating a woman again and its someone i like a lot.
but we are not even a month into the relationship and one of my friends introduced me as her "lesbian best friend" to someone again… i dont feel like i should be mad, cause i know i claimed i was a lesbian for years before "experimenting" but i still felt like… idk… kinda weird…
i dont enjoy sex with men like i do with women and ive never felt love with men as i have with women which i know is pretty fucking gay but i just think theres more to it… or am i just the self hating lesbian like they say? who knows

No. 220911

I know for sure that I'm not attracted to men but I'm not certain whether I'm incapable of sexual attraction towards anyone or if I'm just a permavirgin lesbian with no frame of reference for what sex is like. My fantasies during masturbation usually involve women but I'm generally not actively imagining sexual acts with them, I have no idea how to imagine that. And the rest of the time I'm not fantasizing about anyone at all. Plus the idea of actually having sex in real life doesn't appeal to me much and just stresses me out (although the unappealing part is more the idea of someone seeing me naked and not knowing what to do during sex rather than the act of sex itself). I don't ever plan on dating anyone though so my curiosity is only theoretical, I guess it doesn't matter that much.

No. 220923

i can’t speak to what your sexuality might be but i would be pretty peeved if i was introduced as a “lesbian best friend” regardless of what my sexuality is

No. 220973

Ngl anon, but he’s most likely supportive because you want to hook up with women and he doesn’t consider women a threat (since for straight men sex between two women isn’t “real” sex) and as a possibility for him to maybe get a threesome
Keep that in mind

No. 220976

Whenever I go on dating apps there are so many women just like this. One woman I was hitting it off with hit me with the 'I have a husband b-b-but he's totally gonna be out of the equation!!!1!' So disrespectful. I say that anon should make it completely clear in her profile or whatever this situation because it really sucks when they aren't clear from get-go so I can swipe left.

No. 220983

I get wet from looking at naked women but I've never had romantic feelings for them and I'm obsessed with men. BUT I've never enjoyed sex with men.

I read somewhere that even straight women get turned on by women so it's normal

Am I bi, gay, straight or what?

No. 221001

This is exactly what I want to avoid. Women seeking a relationship with another woman already have it hard enough as is without people like us who are curious but never had the chance to explore our sexuality. I'm personally just going to accept my attraction to women but not pursue anything since I'm already in a long term relationship.

No. 221031

I'm 100% straight and never got turned on by women unfortunately
>muh straight women get horny by women too!1
Is totally a porn brainrot driven male fantasy and narrative.

I'd say you're bi.

No. 221090

This. Believe me it would be great to be lesbian/bi. I have fucking tried but I have only ever been actually aroused by men and I’ve tried checking out butch women, femmes and everything in between. Straight is straight and no, women do not have “exceptions” unless they’re bi or being paid to perform by coomers.

No. 221105


I think there was a study where they stuck probes in the vaginas of straight women and made them watch lesbian porn. They all became physically aroused despite identifying as straight.

So I'm wondering whether I'm straight-aroused by naked women or bi-aroused by naked women

No. 221116

I dated several women before I ever even dated a moid. Most moids look like such goblins that to me it's just a fact that women are more attractive- but I find it nearly impossible to be loyal with women.

I honestly do not know why it goes like this, but my relationships with women last 1-2 weeks and relationships with men have all been 1 to many years.

I always felt anxious whenever any of my ex gfs wanted to settle down with me, but I'm now married to a man who I've been dating for several years. I honestly don't know a logical reasoning for any of it. I feel stronger and more romantic feelings towards men. In my current relationship I haven't had any temptation even towards women and I find the lack of it strange. I only wish I knew why

No. 221124

>straight-aroused by naked women
That doesn't sound right

No. 221126

>I think there was a study where they stuck probes in the vaginas of straight women and made them watch lesbian porn. They all became physically aroused despite identifying as straight.

maybe there was more than one study, but I think the study you're talking about they hooked up some kind of machines to the women's genital areas and it monitored the bloodflow to their genitals. someone posted a study like that awhile back trying to argue that no woman is actually straight and then went to the lesbian thread to shit it up too.

anyway, that study is probably somewhat BS like many "studies". arousal for men is mostly just physical but arousal for women is a mix of physical and psychological (look up arousal nonconcordance). in other words their bodies might be responding but their brains aren't.

another thing to be aware of is that many women (myself included) are more aroused by sensuality and the movements of the people having sex rather than who is having sex (I remember hearing this other places but don't have a source unfortunately). lesbian porn tends to be a lot more sensual in nature, I think this is why a lot of women prefer it. straight and gay male porn are all about zooming up on the genitals and pounding them til they become inflamed.

No. 221130

I actually read a counter-theiry that the reason why most men have erections to what they're actually into (ex: gay men pop boners to pictures of men while straight men do towards women, etc.), but most women regardless of sexuality will lubricate from seeing any sexual stimulus (if i recall correctly, animal mating videos were shown in that study alongside straight and lesbian porn, and i doubt any of the women in it were bestialists), is a form of physical protection to make sexual assault less painful…

Another perspective i read from straight women who used to think they might be bi was that seeing models and male-gazey media from a young age sort of instinctively made them associate femininity with sexiness and thought maybe that equaled attraction to women, despite only being emotionally invested in men

No. 221911

I don't know if I'm attracted to men or not. Like, there's an inkling of some attraction but the thought of having sex with a man disgusts me. Like fellatio deeply disgusts me. And moids in general are just disgusting. I can see a pretty man and feel attraction, however slight, and once in a while I can enjoy the thought of being in a relationship with a man that's good looking and nice and hygenic and not pornsick. But I've never met a man that was not some kind of fucked up. It fucking sucks because I feel like I get on easier with men despite everything. I don't know why this is giving me so much trouble because I could just focus on getting into relationships with women, I guess I just fucking hate the uncertainty of the "do I or don't I" wrt men.

No. 221915

In my case it's not just lesbian porn that turns me on, it's non-sexualised naked women too.

But that might be because in my brain sex and female nudity are linked, therefore it triggers arousal?

I don't get turned on by images of naked men, but I do fantasise about men almost exclusively and I find them so hot.

I think I'm probably just a bit bisexual like 99% of people and I shouldn't overthink it…

No. 221927

imo, i think you're straight if you only fantasize about men. sexuality is mostly about who you want to do it with, so if you never had an urge to fuck a woman you are likely not bisexual.

No. 221930

I'm curious about fucking women and would like to try it at some point, but I never lust after women like I do with men.

Although I think when I was like 13-14 I did have a lot of sexual fantasies about women (like every night when masturbating), mostly being dominated by a woman or sucking boobs. And going back in time even further than that, I did have dreams that 'felt good' involving women, although there was no sex since I didn't even know what sex was.

Although as an adult (I'm 28) I exclusively fantasise about men, and I don't develop feelings for women.

No. 222098

File: 1641604155295.jpg (64.96 KB, 400x299, jonasbrothas-purityrings.jpg)

I've hated being straight since I was a young teenager, and I think I've been trying to force a greater attraction to women for just as long. eventually I'm going to finally accept my celibate identity.

No. 222099

Elaborate. I am interested.

No. 222103

sure. being chronically online from a young age has exposed me to the pervasiveness of male depravity and misogyny. men expressing interest in me puts me off, and the thought of myself being sexual with a one disgusts me- but I still find attraction to some of them.

I believe I have an attraction to women to a lesser extent, but I wouldn't want to subject another to a relationship when the only thing I can guarantee is a romantic attraction.

No. 222194

Celibacy is based anon, it's the safest way of living imho, I encourage you to embrace it.

No. 222924

File: 1641935746791.jpg (53.71 KB, 600x450, me and who2.jpg)

all my life (i am 18) and ever since i was meant to start developing (9-11) i have identified as a lesbian, and i still do, but lately i have started having my doubts.
firstly, my first unrequited love was an FTM (so female) but i used to forget they were even female in the first place both because i respected them a lot/was in love with them and due to my memory problems. i am still so used to thinking of them as a man that its hard for me to revert back to calling them a woman again.
anyway, i dont remember anything about my childhood, so i cant say if anything traumatic happened to me, however i have proof from old diaries from primary school on how i thought most if not all men were rapists/creeps, and i was also a major misandrist at school picking fights and harassing boys for no other reason than i hated them for being male (not in a radfem sense i didnt know anything i was 6-11 years old lol. like cooties only i didnt care about that and i just really did not like males of any age even staff and teachers)
ive always heavily preferred the female form anyway, as it looked a lot less grotesque, but i dont exactly see myself realistically in a longterm relationship with another girl, but mostly its because i dont feel worthy of that, lol. and i am much more comfortable with females of all ages than i am with males but that is a given; although not as comfortable at all once i am attracted to them (knees start wobbling, cheeks turn red, etc.) .
last night, i had a dream wherein i had a significant other that was male and enjoyed my time with him. (nothing sexual, just having fun and sleeping with one another in the literal sense). but at the same time, i found myself reminiscing today about an old crush i had on a girl again. so IDK what to think or how to feel.
as for sexuality: i dont like thinking about anything erotic in nature and avoid all topics in relation to that, so i dont really know. but back when i was addicted to pornography i felt like male genitalia was revolting and only focused on the female, never the male as they looked ridiculous and disgusting no matter what.
my question is: am i just bisexual ?
sorry for the retardedness i have autism.
ps: i am a celibate virgin, never been in a relationship in my life

No. 222929

The way you write
>identified as a lesbian
>female female female (instead of women)
>knees start wobbling, cheeks turn red, thats what happens to girls amirite fellow ladies?
>back when i was addicted to pornography
and the weird anime picture really makes you sound like a tranny

No. 222934

i knew i would get this lol. i got the same on crystal cafe. i am just genuinely autistic. but i really get where you're coming from, sorry. i'll just go.

No. 222939

if you can't see yourself in a relationship with a woman or having sex with one, you're not a lesbian.

No. 222986

NTA but i actually somewhat disagree, since some lesbians can't imagine it due to low self-esteem. i know i can't despite only being attracted to them

No. 223563

Why not look into someone who identifies as NB or FTM? The gender shit could be annoying but if you prefer the feminine form but can’t see yourself dating a woman and you were able to see the other FTM as a male…. worth a try?

No. 223583

What do you guys think of the 'comphet' concept? I've identified as bi for a long time but I'm starting to question it now despite having some kind of feelings for men in the past. I'm struggling to see if comphet is real or just bisexuals in denial. Or maybe people are taking it too far.

No. 223599

I believe it when it's thirdies and brainwashed religious women. Or if a woman never dated anyone, tried men, realized quickly it's not working out and got out of it. It's complicated because some cultures and areas of the world put IMMENSE pressure on women to get married and you're not even aware another option exists. I'm more skeptical when it comes to western women who have been in a number of straight relationships, and don't have crazy homophobic family members. But I do thin it's possible if someone is sheltered enough. Honestly people are too focused on putting themselves in a box and finding a label that fits perfectly. Being bi is a spectrum and it includes people who are 50%50% and those who are 1%99%.

No. 223657

this is terrible advice, not gonna lie. most enbies are obnoxious and even ftms who aren't logged on or fujoshi wouldn't really be comfortable dating a confused/self-hating lesbian

not being able to see yourself with a woman, despite being attracted to them, is internalized lesbophobia, it's not something to feed into by opting to date women who identify as men, especially when they look less feminine form-wise when they take hormones or get surgery

No. 223738

Have considered this, and it still throws a wrench into any plans of trying to figure my shit out. Both sides of the family are raised Christian and hold tight to "marry a man and have a family", but I'm sitting in my late 20s having had no sex or been kissed before. As of about middle of last year due to some issues I've had with a friend, I actively began to consider being asexual and aromantic: despite masturbation, I don't have any interest in sex and it tends to be something to burn energy with before I fall asleep, and romance sounds great and I've fantasized loads of times about falling into a great relationship with someone, but the idea of trying to keep up one makes me extremely anxious. For the two guys I've dated and the others that have shown interest, I couldn't get myself to emotionally connect with them to keep that relationship going. I've talked about all of this with said friend, and they've said it's okay, but I still feel as though I need to push that idea back into the darkness, lock it up, and just settle with some bloke before I get too old. I've also considered lesbianism, but the idea of sex still doesn't interest me. It just feels like something is wrong with me because of it all.

No. 223748

There's nothing wrong with you nonna, if you are asexual or aromantic that's fine, but if you're confused about what you want then just try things that you feel comfortable with doing and see if you like it. It's possible that the men you couldn't connect with just weren't right for you. I understand the pressure from a religious upbringing can be awful but don't try to marry a man just because you feel you have to as you'll only make yourself unhappy.

No. 223749

I'm unsure if it applies to me because I'm lucky enough to not have extremely homophobic family, and I've never been religious. However I am usually extremely uncomfortable around men my age so I've barely interacted with them at all. I had a brief talking stage thing years ago with a guy (mostly online but knew/met irl) but it was painfully awkward. Before and since them I had 'crushes' on men who I had barely spoken to, but they would take over my mind and have a very bad effect on my mental health as my happiness would depend on their behaviour towards me and other girls, and I was never noticed by them. I also used to feel especially anxious around men I thought I found attractive. For these reasons I question if those feelings were normal romantic feelings or just a result of poor mental health at the time which resulted in an obsession with male attention and validation. Now I've matured and feel somewhat better about myself I haven't had any feelings for men, just women. I'm still completely inexperienced though as I'm very awkward.

No. 223816

>if you are asexual or aromantic that's fine
neither of those are real things so i'm not sure how "fine" it really is. the first one is being traumatized and/or being on ssris, the second one is being emotionally stunted and/or being a scrote. if you feel that you are either of those things, that's usually a sign of other issues

No. 223841

I don't think that's necessarily true, I'm not traumatized or mentally ill/on any medication, and I've never had any interest in having sex. I don't use the asexual label since I don't consider it a sexuality (just an uncommon variation in natural sex drive), but there certainly are people who just never feel the desire for sex. Though I don't really think 'aromantic' exists because the definition of what exactly constitutes romantic feelings is extremely vague and culturally-dependent once you remove sexual attraction from the equation, the split attraction model is pretty dumb.

No. 223871

Asexual is a real thing. Some people lack sex drive without being traumatized/medicated. Don't know why some people refuse to believe this.

No. 223977

I am 223738 anon, and that doubt behind "aromantic" is part of why I struggle with accepting either label. I did a long stint on tumblr when the label got most of its traction, so while it seems to fit me, I also know it carries the "ew tumblr" reputation that is hard to shake. >>223748 may also be right that the guys I dated just weren't right for me, and it can be a lack of experience for both things. I'm just not really in a position to actively date around and look for someone due to IRL priorities that also weigh me down.

No. 226776

>>226270 anon here, I guess I am indeed truly dissociated from the idea of myself being in a relationship. I do not self insert in ships but I also genuinely do not even see myself in a real life relationship with anyone, male or female. however I have been attracted to real life women and I can somewhat see myself having sex with them, but not real life men.
like I said in the previous post, I have a "harem" of imaginary women I'm attached to, mostly video game characters and OCs, that I pair with each other or male characters because I feel I'm not good enough for them. male characters are never OCs though, because I do not even have male OCs, my mind just can't bring itself to make up a man from scratch. I guess I am attracted to some extent to the male characters too, but more in the way of admiring them and thinking how hot they would look with my waifus.
I'm probably bisexual/kinsey 5?while I want nothing to do with real men, I don't think actual lesbians can get aroused even by fictional men or fantasize about heterosexual sex even without the self insertion.

No. 226778

File: 1643318521951.jpg (189.51 KB, 1280x720, 1807-jpg.jpg)

I think I figured it out

No. 227365

How do you know if you're traumatized if you have little to no memory of your early childhood? I've considered myself asexual since my teenage years (never dated, never felt attracted to anyone), but as I've gotten older I've started to yearn for a relationship with another woman. But the idea of personally having sex feels so repulsive and wrong to me, and few women are going to want a totally asexual romantic relationship. I know this is gonna sound fake as hell, but I had this freaky repressed memory suddenly unearth itself during a talk with a psychiatrist about early childhood trauma, and it's making me reconsider everything I thought about myself. I've had multiple therapists press me about if I was ever sexually abused, and at the time I truly thought I wasn't. But if this memory is real… suddenly so much of my life and my attitudes towards sex and my own body would make sense. I'm this close to going to some kind of hypnotherapist in a desperate attempt to get my shit sorted.

No. 227367

Please be careful with that anon, hypnotherapists are known to implant false memories in patients.

No. 227368

See, that's what I'm worried about- what if this isn't a real memory but some wack shit my brain cooked up on its own, or even an old dream? The idea of never, ever knowing for certain if something bad happened to me is just unbearable.

No. 227372

The truth is you dont have to know if you were abused or what exactly happened to you. But if you have no early memories, and the asexuality, are both a sign of trauma. Maybe you were abused, maybe you were in an accident or hurt yourself when there was no one around - it doesn't have to be a near death experience to traumatize, especially for very young children. Good news is you can treat the effects of trauma without reliving it. Its about rewiring your nervous system. If you explore that, you will likely heal other issues like anxiety, depression, poor coordination, and working memory problems. It's definitely worth it to explore healing from trauma, but of course avoid the therapists who are preoccupied with the story or repressed memories. The story doesn't matter! Only your quality of life today matters.

No. 228097

I just turned 20 and I still have never dated anyone, mostly because I spent my high school years completely self-isolating.
I now identify as bisexual even though I don’t think I’ve ever said the word outloud, but it’s weird because whenever I see a cute guy my brain goes “wait, aren’t you gay? Oh yeah you’re bi.”

No. 228106

I'm bi and I had a conversation with a friend not too long ago. Something I've just never thought of before.
Would I date a trans person? I mean, it would be the best of both worlds, right?.. I guess?
But for some reason I find it weird as fuck and I just can't do "both" at the same time. Is something wrong with me? Any other bi people have any similar feelings/experiences?

No. 228115

You're normal. Why would you want to date a deformed mentally ill person?

No. 228134

File: 1643787570939.jpg (152.18 KB, 860x440, ab4b281e87abbf188ef48a91326816…)

Hey anons, I want to talk about the difference between male attraction and female attraction.

Recently I was reflecting upon a past relationship. I thought was asexual and then a lesbian because I had crushes towards men but was never physically attracted to them. I even speculated if most of my attraction was based on anxiety confronting idealization and a constant feeling of not feeling sure if what I'm doing is what I actually want to do.

Then I met a guy who I felt really attracted to in a manic, obsessive way and I was absolutely sure I was sexually attracted to him. Then I did a lot of stuff that would probably cause a lot of anons to mock me so I'm not going to bring that upon myself. All you need to know that I was like pic related. I do know that in the end I realized I repressed a lot on how I felt not only about men but towards everyone in order to live up to some ideal I felt I needed to achieve. I didn't know how to live in the moment and judge my feelings solely on that.

Now that I have been doing that for a while I realize just how weird my attraction to men was. It's all over the place, requires tons of cope (not unusual btw), but really requires me to think like a scrote in order for me to be attracted to them. The last part once I realized it really stuck with me because my attraction to women is nothing like that. It's a lot less powerful but feels deeper and consistent.

Like, I don't think every woman is hot. I do notice and feel drawn to them if a woman has some features I like. Imagining sex with a woman is way easier and requires more emotional and psychological intimacy than the actual act itself (or the former makes the latter more enjoyable). I don't masturbate to women but I think that has more to do with porn rotting my brain so that I find women in degrading straight sex more appealing than what's in my mind. I don't daydream about my future with a woman all the time but when I do it feels more natural and requires less lying.

I now think I'm a lesbian but I'm sticking with being bi for the moment. I mock men for viewing women like sex objects and judging their sexuality on a flawed framework but that bullshit has literally leaked into how I judge my sexuality. Being sexually attracted to someone is important but unless you were primed to ignore all the emotional needs like a man then it's just … weird.

Yes, I know how stupid this sounds; I'm painfully autistic. I just keep reading a lot of posts in this thread and I just wondered if anyone can give their input on this. I know some anons use feminist analysis when they're considering sexuality.

No. 228160

More like the worst of both worlds, there's absolutely zero reason to willingly date a troon after everything we know about them. Even enbies who have not gone through hormones or surgery are insufferable.

No. 228322

I was sexually attracted to females long before males, but my crushes and relationships have all been males. I know I'll probably sound like a pickme or NLOG but I've always had mostly male friends and it's harder for me to get close to other girls due to past bullying, insecurity, and hobbies just not having enough females to begin with, though I'd really like to. I have trouble talking to girls and the idea of getting close to one makes me all fluttery and anxious. A lot of the time too I just assume everyone I'm attracted to is straight so I don't really bother none to begin with.
I can't tell if I'm really bi or not but I sort of chalk it up to not having access to girls I'm interested in, and not going out of my way to find any, on top of being too nervous. I've never dated formally or used apps or anything like that. Thing too is I am more masculine looking and most assume I am a lesbian to begin with, but I don't really know what 'role' I'd fulfill if any. Another big reason I haven't tried is because of the goldstar shit and I feel like end of the day I'm just an annoying spicy straight who would waste another girl's time with my uncertainty bullshit.

Sorry for the long post but had to really get this out of my system.

No. 229050

Honestly, I don't even know at this point. There are some traits I find aesthetically appealing in both men and women, but I've never in my life looked at a person and thought "wow, I wanna tap that". While I get off a couple times per month, I feel it's more out of boredom or as a way to relieve tension, not because I saw something hot and needed to take care of that immediately. The whole idea of sex just seems unappealing and uncomfortable, and on top of that, romance and stuff like cuddling or kissing just doesn't appeal to me either. Even when I was young I never had a childhood crush, was always bored of romance on TV and watching porn made me queasy. Honestly, I wish I could just marry a great friend of any gender and live together while supporting each other, having deep conversations at nights and going out for walks together without ever having to see them naked. No idea why that is, I don't have a mental illness or any sexual trauma, just, for some reason, the idea of staying a single virgin forever doesn't even sound like something bad to me, it's the opposite I don't want. One of my relatives has an old friend who never married and adopted a son and I kinda secretly look up to him, kek

No. 245693

Is it possible to be genuinely attracted to one sex and merely fetishize the (idea of the) other sex? Or is that just bisexuality with some sort of preference?

No. 245694

I'd say if it's about being attracted to men and fetishize women, it's what we're being conditioned to do from our earliest years; making figuring out your actual orientation really confusing sometimes

No. 245695

It's the other way round actually in my case, which probably makes it bizarre.

No. 245701

File: 1645630606478.jpeg (140.23 KB, 980x2016, Aros de bordar decorados_.jpeg)

I was attracted to women since puberty and have enjoyed being sexual with women but I feel weird about my attraction to women because I am extremely judgmental of women and hold women to extreme standards, not really in appearance but in personality. In appearance, I like butch-leaning girls but like, I manage to find flaws even in women who I am perfectly attracted to and sabotage budding relationships with them, even if their personality fits me, I manage to find something. I have an arrogantly high self-esteem and am quick to see write off people and I wonder if I am attracted to women at all if I judge them so harshly for no reason, make fun of them, be mean to them? Like, I don't get what's the deal because I have always been surrounded by women since birth, haven't had any men in my family or friends circle so it can't be like male-thinking that rubbed off on me because I have not had a single meaningful conversation with a man, ever. Can anyone else relate or make sense of this? I have always been into women in a romantic and sexual way but at the same time, can't form relationships because I always blow it by finding some meaningless flaw in her and think she's annoying. Am I even a lesbian at this point?

No. 245708

Your nitpicky, judgemental personality doesn't change your sexuality, it just ruins your relationships. Sorry to be harsh but you sound insufferable. I hope that you can learn to be more charitable towards and accepting of others as well as yourself. Maybe leave LC behind, as this place only reinforces that unhealthy mindset. Did you grow up bullied/abused/criticised by loved ones, or witnessing that behaviour in your family and community? If not then I have no idea why you are so mean. Please get help.

No. 245710

You're right that person sounds very insufferable and I feel bad for the women around them because I doubt they're only judgemental to their gfs. Sounds like a pickme with internalized misogyny who can't help but look at the world through the male gaze in her mind.

No. 245810

You're not being harsh, it's true. I have been trying to be a little better but it's hard. The thing is, every single lesbian or bisexual woman I've known has never been similar to me in this regard, they love women's personalities and their little quirks and stuff, I don't feel the same, and it makes me wonder if I really am not a lesbian? I'be be kissing her stomach then look up at her and think "wow, the face she's making is so ugly." It makes me doubt my attraction to women and my sexuality.
I like being with women but at the same, I am so critical over the stupidest things. Funny because I'm far from a catch myself, I'm annoying to be around and ugly. Maybe it's some weird coping mechanism that I reject them before they can? My mother and suster has always, always been very critical of my face, my body, my self, maybe it transferred to me kek.
I'd accept an nlog accusation but I'm not a pickme.

No. 245811

You are pretty obviously insecure and are projecting the dislike you've been taught to feel about yourself on others. You will think a girl's face from a certain angle is ugly, probably because you have it in your mind that you are ugly from that angle. I hope you can heal your self-esteem and your impossibly high standards for others and find love without self-sabotage. Godspeed, nona.

No. 245817

>I'be be kissing her stomach then look up at her and think "wow, the face she's making is so ugly."
anon wtf. I'm sorry because I know you didn't choose to be this way but you're a giant bitch, please stop dating until you fix yourself.
>Maybe it's some weird coping mechanism that I reject them before they can? My mother and suster has always, always been very critical of my face, my body, my self, maybe it transferred to me kek.
Yeah it sounds like you're extremely insecure and projecting that onto other women. I had some similar issues when I was young, I'm a lesbian but was insecure so I'd nitpick minor imperfections the way neckbeards do, the '2/10 pig disgusting' mindset. If you want to fix yourself, you need to fix your own self esteem. Watch your own orgasm face in the mirror until you stop cringing over it and then try to extend that lack of cringe to other women. Also get away from the internet, mainstream media, any space where nitpicking women is encouraged. Surrounding yourself with images of normal women might help too.

No. 245819

Maybe you have issues with intimacy. I think I do, and I've done similar but with males I was into. I always end up feeling repulsed by them.

No. 245828

Thanks a lot, you guys are right and I've sort of known it, I suppose. It's all projection on my part. My weirdly high self-esteem is kind of a fraud lol. I think I'll refrain from any romantic relationships for the time being and focus on my own problems. Take you guys' advice on doing something about my own self-hatred. I do desire intimacy and closeness but yeah, it's won't work out right now even I can tell I keep sabotaging it. I sort of suspected that maybe I'm just not into girls at all because of this, maybe that's not true.
Interesting anon, I've never had issues with sex, just, everything else.

No. 245833

>My weirdly high self-esteem is kind of a fraud
Yeah you just have low self esteem and project it towards other women and only consider 10/10 women beautiful just like ugly fat incels.

No. 245926

C'mon, incels are dangerous to women. Anon is just very insecure. She sounds kind of young, too. It's probably just a phase.

No. 246271

>Another big reason I haven't tried is because of the goldstar shit and I feel like end of the day I'm just an annoying spicy straight who would waste another girl's time with my uncertainty bullshit.
I feel this. I'm so weird around girls, I get crushes and drive away friends for thinking friendly signals are romantic. I feel like I'm obsessed with the idea of being with a girl, but maybe it's just me fetishizing them. I'll just be content with playing straight now.

With that role thing I can actually offer advice to you anon. I have had one long term relationship with a woman. I was the "femme" one and she was more "masc". Still, I was more dominant in bed (she was actually a pillow princess pretty much), I did the house work renevation power drill stuff. Other lesbian couples around us were not "traditional" in any way either, in many cases the most butchy bad b women were submissive in bed and wanted to be pegged down etc lol. There's really not a set script for lesbian relationships in a way heterosexual ones do.

No. 246400

nonnies i am so confused. i used to think i was a lesbian (had intense crushes on female friends, dated girls, got off thinking about girls) but suddenly realised that i was attracted to men a year or two ago. i dated a guy for a bit and now i feel like i’m basically completely straight. now i can only see myself in long term relationships with men, when a few years ago the thought of dating a guy was gross to me, and am really into men physically when before i found them boring. i also now get crushes on guys way more easily than i ever got crushes on women (although just as intensely). i’ve tried fantasising about women like i used to, but it just doesn’t do it for me anymore. am i just straight now? is it even possible for your sexuality to change that drastically in a few years? this is embarrassing and possibly a scrote-like way to look at things, but i sometimes wonder if my “lesbian phase” (i hate to call it that but i don’t know what else to say) was just a cope for not being very feminine & generally feeling like no man would ever find me attractive. still, i feel weird calling myself straight because of the intensity of the feelings i’ve had for women in the past, but i can only see myself with a guy so it feels misleading to tell people i’m bisexual. wtf.

No. 246414

If you no longer have romantic or sexual feelings for women don't force yourself to.
I don't know why you need to cling to the bi or former lesbian label unless you're fishing for queer points

No. 246450

if it makes you feel any better i have seen bisexual people refer to something like this as “bi cycling” as dumb as that term sounds. essentially when a bisexual person’s attraction is like exclusively gay and then switches to exclusively straight at some point but may switch around again at some point in the future too. it can be confusing because it can feel like you’ve just changed sexualities but some bisexual people think it’s just a normal part of bisexuality that not every bi person experiences.

i’ve also read articles about men who used to think they were 100% gay and then realised at some point that they were suddenly very attracted to women, married and fell in love with women etc. it wasn’t out of like internalised homophobia or social pressure and some of these men made careers up until that point off being gay but it just randomly happened that they found themselves attracted to women. and i think the same thing can be said for women who thought they were straight until later in life and then they fell in love with a woman.

at the end of the day there’s still so much we don’t know about how sexuality works and a lot of the time labels are more for social identity and belonging. you don’t owe anyone an explanation of your sexuality and should be free to label or not label yourself however you please.

No. 246462

>essentially when a bisexual person’s attraction is like exclusively gay and then switches to exclusively straight
It doesn't have to be exclusive, it's just a lean towards one or the other. How much they lean can vary from person to person.

No. 246609

I'm confused about my sexuality. I was so sure that I was straight for ages, ever since I even knew what sexuality was. When I was little I was attracted to male actors in the shows i watched and I had a crush on a male classmate of mine in elementary.
Here's the thing though, when I found out my classmate liked me back I was genuinely upset. I remember laying in bed cursing him out in my head for liking me back, because I didn't want things to progress, I just wanted to continue liking him. This was when I was around 10 or 11 I believe and that was my first and last serious (I say this very lightly) romantic interaction with a guy in real life. The only other times I've had romantic exchanges with guys in real life were online and I ended things before they could progress far.
Day to day, I don't find men in real life attractive. The only guys I'm actually attracted to are celebrities of a specific genre and even then they have to be seriously attractive for me to consider them good enough. Most famous western male celebrities are ugly to me. When it comes to girls however, I often find them attractive and cute. In real life, I often see pretty girls and go "wow you're so pretty" in my head.
I also think it's hard for me to determine my sexuality because I'm not a particularly sexual person and I'm not very interested in sex at all. I have a low libido and I don't imagine myself having sex often at all and It's not very appealing to imagine it, especially piv sex. The only thing i can really get off to is media to do with stimulating the outside, which is why I often resort to lesbian media when I masturbate (which is not that often kek).
TDLR, I find 1 out of 1000 men attractive in a "i want to kiss you and hug you and cuddle" type of way, but not really in a "i want to fuck you" way. I find 1 in like 5 women attractive, but I'm not sure what type of attraction it is. I feel comfortable with the thought of kissing women non-sexually but I'm not sure about going further than that.
This was mostly to get it off my chest so sorry if it's incoherent kek

No. 246610

Also I know it seems weird that I'm listing off examples from when I was 10 and 11, but I genuinely haven't had a crush on a guy since then. It was my only real experience of that kind of attraction

No. 246619

Am I a lesbian if i have yellow fever? I am east asian myself so maybe im just an asian supremacist KEK but I really don’t find other women attractive.
I’m also not attracted to masculine women and I prefer very feminine women, I feel like a scrote in a womens body but I cant help it

No. 246625

if you are only attracted to biological women and not any kind of males ofc you are a lesbian. doesn't matter your type in women. it's so weird when women who like feminine women are either compared to scrotes or even accused of larping their same sex attractions, especially if they too are feminine. but this is what you get when certain radfems have tried to politicized lesbianism. not to mention that East Asians can't have yellow fever themselves, most people prefer their own race, that's normal, even more so if you grew up in a less than diverse East Asian country.

No. 246634

I've finally come into terms that I am asexual. It took me more than 5 years to get to this point. It started when my friend, out of the blue, pointed out that I might be asexual. I was really on the fence about it, and I wanted to prove it wrong, but after dating around for years I realized that my friend is right. It feels freeing to have this part of my identity figured out, honestly. Reading more about asexuality just makes me so happy because it really resonates and I feel understood. The challenges I faced in past relationships make sense now. I'm just so enlightened and happy kek

No. 246636

Nah, get checked for autism/hormonal disorders

No. 246638

Good for you! It must feel really nice to understand a little part of yourself more. I think society pushes sex a lot as a necessity but if you can exist happily without it and even prefer it that way then that’s great.

No. 246643

Asexuality has almost nothing to do with libido. I thought it was health-related, too, but I realized that no amount of sex drive or romantic attraction to someone would change how I felt towards sex.
Thank you nonny! I agree. Sex is treated as such an integral part of relationships and modern life but I find it more exciting to experience relationships and life without it.

No. 246659

>no amount of sex drive
girl… go back to twitter

No. 246674

No offense nonny but you sound misinformed

No. 246693

Lol, on the contrary you’ve been disinformed. You need to be 18 or over to use this site.

No. 246792

Even if asexuality is not a thing, what's wrong with it in theory. People aren't dying if they don't have sex lol.

No. 247368

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I keep having very vivid dreams where i’m making out with women but it’s like, very intense and I always wake up before it gets any further and it’s really giving me the biggest sexuality crisis ever. I’ve never really questioned my sexuality much but these dreams are making me rethink everything because I always wake up mad that I didn’t get further and now I can’t stop thinking about wanting to go out with a woman. I’ll even daydream throughout the day at school/work trying to continue the dreams but it’s not the same. i’m going insane. I need a woman to kiss me so I can know if it’s just weird dream magic or if i’m actually attracted to women.

No. 247371

There's nothing wrong with not having sex, but let's be real, if you never have the drive to have sex there is probably something wrong with your hormones or your brain chemistry, maybe some unresolved childhood trauma. Definitely worth getting checked out for.

No. 247376

I think people understand different things from “the drive to have sex”. I.e being attracted to a person and wanting to have sex with them vs random arousal vs being able to masturbate. I don’t think it’s fair to say that there’s something wrong with someone just because they’ve never met anyone they find that sexually appealing or maybe don’t make that connection easily.

No. 247395

I wish I was gay instead of enjoying riding long hard penis. T-T(T-T)

No. 248163

My boyfriend and I just had a mutually amicable split because I've finally come to the conclusion that I just don't think I'm into men. I don't really know if I'd call myself a lesbian either, though. I just have basically no sex drive anymore and I don't know if it's because of past trauma, medication, or a hormonal thing.

At least he wasn't a dick about it. We're cool with just being platonic besties/roommates for the time being.

No. 248884

I think I polluted the bi thread with this post so maybe its better there :

Idk if I'm the only one who can find man attractive irl or on pictures but thinking about touching their body in a sensual way or the fact that they have penis repulsive.
I would probably never have sex with a man for physiological reason too. I can get flustered by very attractive (to me) guy but I could not date them for those reason and a lot of them have opposed personality to me. Idk if I get flustered because I'm autistic and I'm mimicking what we are told the average woman do. I thought about the no dick thing but I don't find ftm attractive (pre T) since other than their face and silhouette I don't find a lot of thing attractive. Since a few years I always told people I was lesbian if I was asked but that fact always kept me questionning

No. 248958

I'm the kind of the same way, anon. Male genitalia seriously grosses me out and, quite honestly, disturbs me. But I can find men (penis aside) attractive sometimes. Maybe this isn't what you want to hear, but I honestly think it has to be a sort of sexual disfunction. I was exposed to the internet very early in life and so I saw a lot of male degeneracy. I think this has had a horrible effect on my sexuality and is the reason I'm in this situation.
I've read that autistic women will typically have problems understanding or experiencing sexual attraction. I am not autistic, but I have pretty autistic tendencies, and I tend to overthink abstract ideas and notions because I just can't seem to "get it" if there are no sets of rules to follow, and what will happen is that I will end up in a worse state. Overthinking things about yourself is a surefire way to forget who you actually are.
Sorry for blogpost, but your experience spoke to me because I'm in the same boat.
This is probably shitty advice, but I would suggest keeping it in the back of your mind and focus on other things. Sometimes all you need is to come back with a clearer point of view.

No. 249044

Thank you anon, that interesting. I was thinking about the male genitalia thing and it s not very taboo to see people nacked in my country (in logical situation obv) and it's more of the implication of toutching someone dick or having a sexual interaction with it that repulse me. Like I'm not losing my beans if I see a dick in a porn or irl but I don't find it appealing (i've seen girl who flip their shit at the view of a dick in a pic ). But I guess your seeing the truth about the sexual disfunction, and the point about male degeneracy (I was exposed to the internet rather late but I've came across so much shit in my late teen that it probably compensate). It's very interesting to be able to openly discuss that, than you for the advice, I shall not overthink it too much.

No. 250988

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Summary: I have a creeping suspicion I'm just a straight woman with such an intense hatred for men that I'm incapable of being attracted to them and a sexualized/fetishistic view of women, which I confuse with genuine attraction. Is that a thing?

Long, spergy, clusterfuck version, which I'll try to break into different points regarding different aspects for anyone who might be interested for some reason. I'm asking for advice, or even just for someone to call me an idiot. This has been on my mind non-stop ever since coming out and my head is just so full of it. A part of me writing this all down is so that I can get it out of my system.

1, My relationship with men:

I never really liked men.

When I was in kindergarten, there was this boy who once teasingly called me his girlfriend and I yelled back, "I'm not your girlfriend." It was in a joking manner, I think, and I remember being happy, but that was generally a happy era of life and I did not have any feelings towards him. I considered him a friend.
In primary school, an older boy (12-13 year old I guess, can't really remember) sat opposite to me in the cafeteria and asked if the food was any good. (In hindsight, what the fuck, I was like 6 or 7 and I didn't know him at all kek) At home, I told my mom as if this was some amazing story and I felt a kind of joy that a boy interacted with me. Nothing followed – I never thought about him again.

When I was ten, I think I had some sort of 'crush' on a guy that must've been 14 or 15. We did theater together (sorry, not really sure what you'd call it in Enlgish). We must have spoken 4-5 times maximum (and I mean, like, a few sentences, not hours of hanging out). All I remember is that one time he insulted me and that one time he said my name during a game and that felt kinda nice in that moment. I told a friend who also did theater and whenever she teased me about him I'd act all angry but tell her she could continue, because it also made me feel kinda giddy. It went away fast. Obviously, I was really young, and I didn't have any sexual or even romantic thoughts about him. Didn't want to hold his hand, kiss, whatever, I didn't want anything from him. Didn't want to talk to him either, and I didn't look at him more often or try to meet his eyes. I still consider this a crush, because I remember some kind of feeling. No clue what it was.

Same year, I had a crush on Martin Freeman lmao. I imagined what it'd be like to meet him if I was a famous actress but even my 10 year old mind felt how gross that would be so imagined he had a son who matched me in age. That didn't do it, and I eventually just stopped thinknig about him. Again, no sexual or romantic thoughts, just a kind of 'admiration', but I never felt this way about women, so I consider it a crush. (Oh I also read some gay Sherlock fanfiction bc I guess I did want to imagine him in some kind of sexual setting but it did absolutely nothing, also I knew him only from The Hobbit and I remember reading his Wikipedia page kek.)
As a 10-11 year old, many of my friends were developing crushes on boys. I picked this guy from my class and told the previously mentioned friend about him. I wrote in my diary how I could imagine having sex with him. I could not. Still, I felt like I had something to prove. No feelings, no interest in him.
Still in primary school, maybe around 5th or 6th grade, I saw a boy in the 8th grade who I thought had a pretty face. Never talked to him, didn't feel anything, none. If I saw him during a break, I'd think to myself, 'nice face'.

In the first year of high school, I thought a girl and a guy from my class (I didn't really know them at that point, acted very fucking autistic during the first couple months) would start dating soon. No idea what I based this asumption off of, maybe because they'd occasionally talk. I felt weirdly jealous. This lasted a week.
A bit later, some of my friends started saying they ship (cringe) me with a classmate. They were all like, 'ooh, I know you have a crush on him'. I never considered him attractive before, I barely noticed him, but their words started something and I tried talking more to him. I would look at him more often during class and when he complimented me a couple of times or if we managed to have a good conversation, I'd feel pretty good about it. I also made a big deal out of wishing happy birthday to him, as in, I'd remember his birthday. He didn't do the same kek. In breaks, I'd often stand in a spot where he could come talk to me if he wanted but I never approached him on my own. We mostly talked politics or history, sometimes I was trying to impress him or surprise him with some more interesting piece of information. Never imagined what it'd be like to be his girlfriends, didn't want to kiss him or touch him or anything. This is out of pocket, but on one occasion I switched to a thought of him as I came. Felt gross after. I guess this situation did last kinda long, but a lot of the times when he came to talk to me I wished he'd leave and if he said something cringy in class I felt so embarassed. One time he asked for my notes and I typed it all out for him, to make sure he could read it all.

I lowkey liked a teacher once. He was nice to me and understood math, which was like this insane feat kek. He didn't look bad for his age. I considered him a 'friend'. We weren't friends, obviously, but we had banter. I tried to fantasize about him, but didn't really enjoy it, and could barely look into his eyes after. Didn't last a month. I did refer to him as my crush in my diary, though.

As a 12 year old, I read yaoi fanfiction about the members of Green Day and kinda tried to self-insert. Didn't do much for me.

Possibly the worst part of this entire stream of autism: for like 2 years (I think it's mostly gone now but he's still weirdly hot to me in a way) I wanted to fuck a certain, very unimportant side character from an infamous horror film. He has like 3 lines. The actor himself looked like shit before and after that movie. In my fantasies, he'd still wear clothes (an uniform, specifically. Normal clothes wouldn't look good on him). I wouldn't wanna see his naked body. It's mostly his vibe that I was into, his behavior in the film unforunately, and his face actually looked quite nice back then. Aside from the fantasies, I had a couple of dreams where he appeared, and in a few of them we had some kind of romantic connection. In one, he held my hands, in another, he stroked my cheeks. I felt really happy after waking up, because I'm fucking retarded. At this point, I honestly think he was the only man I ever considered fuckable. If he (or rather, the character he played) appeared in my bedroom right now, I don't know if I'd turn down sex with him. I feel like he'd be a shit lay.

Literally every other man is repulsive and unfuckable to me. Bland at best, but most of them look terrible in my eyes. I see something beautiful in almost all women I meet, I can imagine being intimate with many of them, with men, that number is a 0.

2, Men's relationship with me:

Men never really liked me.

I've always been tall and fat. Looked older than my actual age. I received a lot of 'abuse' for that, for lack of a better word.
When I was 10, I was with a friend at the playground. It was summer, I was wearing shorts. A man in his 40s approached us with his buddies and asked me how old I was, with that look in his eyes that only men are capable of having.
From that age onward, random men and boys on the street have felt comfortable shouting at me from passing cars, making comments as they walked past me. The way I looked played a key part in how I was bullied by classmates in primary school. This is of course not a unique experience, and most women have it way worse. Unlike them, I was rarely noticed by men, but when I was, I was berated for posessing a body they did not find attractive, or, on the contrary, was preyed on. Fortunately, I was never SAd, so at least that never had a chance in warping my view of sexuality.

3, Feeling like a disgusting 50 year old man:

For as long as I can remember, I always kind of… saw myself as a nasty, creepy dude, rather than a young woman. I'm not talking about 'but I FEEL like a man' type troonery, I mean having this inner image of myself where I'm weird and predatory and shouldn't be around women. Maybe this has something to do with me relating more to my dad as a kid and ending up feeling more masculine because of it, I don't know. Even in primary school, I'd have problems with looking girls in the eye or just looking at them for a longer amount of time. I was terrified that they would think I was a lesbian. I even had a phase where I looked up the symptoms of lesbianism and doing 'am I gay' quizzes. Really wanted to be straight. I had a pretty strange relationship with my friends, physical contact was a big no-no, we hugged each other like once a year, and we had to declare that we 'were not faggots' before doing it. In hindsight, we acted like boys or something. My issues with physical contact and looking at girls continued in high school. However, I met my best friends there, and slowly but surely got more comfortable around women, and I don't feel like a creep that often now. (More on this later) Eye contact with random women on like public transport is still weird though, and women my age (19-20) who I'm not familiar with can still make me think of myself as a gross male. Even if I don't find them attractive. I could elaborate and talk about this for hours to really explain everything, but it's not necessary and nobody is reading this anyways.

In the past, even like a year ago, I had bouts of wanting to be a man, either aesthetically or regarding traits which are generally seen as masculine. Completely over that now. I'm developing my own style and can dress quite masc when I feel like it, but the balding and the floppy tube of meat males have doesn't seem appealing.

As an 11 year old, I went through a phase where I thought I might be non-binary. Never told anyone, never did anything about it, didn't make up a dumb fucking name for myself, just let it stay in my head. Didn't interact with genderspecials and that probably saved me. Got over it pretty fast, just forgot about it eventually.

There was also a thing where I wanted to look and act like certain men, and at the time I wrote it off as attraction. Looking back, I never wanted to do anything with those men. I wanted to resemble them, to have a similar style or similar mannerisms.

4, Coom:

I'm not going to get into the gory details. Read hardcore yaoi manga at 11 and 12 years old, mostly rape, got off on it, didn't imagine myself as either of the characters. Started watching porn at 11, I focused only on the women, tried watching like solo male shit but it never did anything for me. Same with hentai.
Years later got into audio shit, I preferred solo female stuff, the men always sounded repulsive. After I stopped watching porn, I mostly fantasized about women, and as I was cumming, I'd switch to the thought of a random scrote to make it 'straight.' Thoughts of men would not get me off. But here's the thing, I didn't imagine myself doing anything with a woman, but rather a woman being fucked or her body or lesbian shit or anything but I wasn't playing a part. Nowadays I do include myself in the fantasies, but I feel like discovering porn at such a young age destroyed my psyche and I'll never get to discover my authentic sexuality. Maybe I'm not into women at all. Maybe when I end up having sex with one, I won't be into it, because it was just some fetish. Like, I can't imagine that happening, but I hate my stupid ass so fucking much for consuming all that garbage in the past.

5, Feminism:

This is the point where I will probably lose anyone who could be reading this, because what I'm about to say combined with everything else I've already said might start to sound like political lesbianism. For a long time, I considered myself aromantic (doubt that's actually a thing now), and just reaaaally picky with the men I found attractive. After getting into radical feminism and becoming a practicing misandrist (I could write a fuckton about this as well, but it's not really necessary), I started exploring my attraction to women. Firstly, I wanted to know whether it was really there. I started to appreciate women and to see them in ways I never thought were possible. It felt like I suddenly found something I was deeply repressing my entire life.
I can't deny that my hatred of men is something that has been growing for years now, and really blossomed in the past few months. I don't know if that affected my sexuality somehow.

6, Ok this is pure retardation:
I have a lesbian friend who is cool and self confident, has a cool sense of fashion and her parents are fucking loaded. What if I'm subconciously trying to copy her, if I just wanna be like her bc I think that then I can get all the other things she has as well?

I came to the conclusion that I was bisexual. But now I'm at the point where I don't see anything 'bi' about myself. I think I'm a lesbian. But could it be that due to porn consumption and the media's sexualized depiction of women I'm just falsely believing that? What if I'm not attracted to them at all and just kinda….thinking that I am? I've never been in a relationship and am a virgin, in case you couldn't tell, lol. What if there ARE attractive men and I AM capable of being into one?

I told my friends when I drunkenly came out that I'm 'not straight' and 'bi', and that was like half a year ago. It's pretty much an open thing that I'm gay. Literally nobody considers me bi. When I came out to my mom, I straight up told her I'm gay. I didn't want her to think there was ever any chance of me getting with a man, and bisexual kind of implies that. I didn't want that at all.

There's a girl in my friend group I really like. I think I have a crush on her. However, I'm worried that I'm just forcing it on myself to prove how gay I am. Idk.

I've been typing this shit for like two hours now, literally nobody will read it, I sound like a schitzo, I'm tired and I know this is barely coherent, I could talk abt all of this so much more but I just want to sleep and this is all pointless anyways. Sorry for any grammar mistakes. If you made it this far, give a bitch some advice, would you?


No. 250996

It’s tough to really know what you enjoy sexually based on fanfiction and porn alone, and it’s kind of silly to base a huge chunk of your identity on your sexuality if you’ve never actually experienced sex. If you like a girl in your friend group, be honest with her about your feelings (that you like her, but you’re inexperienced and not 100% sure you like girls) and shoot your shot. The worst thing she can do is say no. If you date her and realize you’re not into pussy, at least you will have been honest with her up front. I’m bisexual and I’m not particularly attracted to the genitalia of either sex, and I’m not attracted to every person, they have to have a good combination of looks/personality for me to like them. 75% of both men and women are not up to my standards due to their looks, personality, or a combination of both. Obviously men who harass women on the street are subhuman and don’t even deserve to live, you can’t base attraction to men on that. Also don’t worry about what you thought/did in elementary school, our brains aren’t fully formed until we’re 25.

No. 254276

Am I straight if I find fictional/2D women attractive but I have no attraction to or interest in real-life women?

No. 254290

No. 254294

ok thank you

No. 256088

Nonnas please help. I’m fairly certain that I’m bisexual with a preference for women, but I feel so weird thinking about myself in a relationship with a woman. I have little sexual experience with either sex, but I fantasise about women sexually and romantically a lot and am undeniably attracted to them, but the thought of being in a “lesbian” relationship feels so odd to me, as if it isn’t “real”. I can only feel comfortable with the thought of being intimate with a girl if I “degender” myself in the fantasy, if that makes sense. I really don’t like thinking about another woman going near my vagina but I spend an embarrassing amount of time thinking about fingering or going down on a girl. I guess I could say that I want to have sex with women but the thought of women having sex with me as a woman feels weird. Is this normal? Am I just straight? I asked about this somewhere else online recently and the one person who responded told me that I’m just a straight girl who fantasises about lesbian sex sometimes but that doesn’t makes sense to me because I’m definitely attracted to women and am interested in long term relationships with them. I even remember that I got bored with my ex-bf sexually because of his maleness kek. What is actually going on here? Is that random person right and I’m just a confused straight girl who’s trying to force myself to like women for some reason unbeknownst to me? Sorry if this sounds deranged. I really don’t know how to put this into words — I’m probably making a big deal out of nothing.

No. 256117

Not if you can fantasize about sexy things with those women and don't just think they're pretty. You're at least semi-bi.

No. 256157

i think you need to hook up with a woman and see how it goes.

No. 256166

I was wayy overthinking everything and having a bit of a moment when I wrote that post, and I feel a lot better now. Thanks for the input nonna, you're probably right. I need to get out of my own head sometimes kek.

No. 256360

I think you are def bi (with preference for women most likely, as you mentioned). The part where you wrote that you fantasize a lot about fingering and eating out women is a sign enough, since from my experience straight girls only think and talk about how they might want to get eaten out/fingered by girl, but never want to to reciprocate.

No. 256384

Eh, not always. I'm straight but I would finger/eat out/pleasure a woman than the other way, which I've not really thought about at all. So it's not always clear cut. Although I agree, anon sounds bi, I think she should meet up with girls and see how it goes. No harm. And we all overthink from time to time.

No. 256418

Nta, fantasizing is different than saying you "would" do something.

No. 256420

>would finger/eat out/pleasure a woman

No. 256425

You're right. OP is actively fantasizing about it, while I only desire it when I think about it, even more reason to believe she's bisexual.
Yes, omg, I'm not having this convo again.

No. 256457

as always straight people think they understand how it feels to be bisexual and you never do. if you are actually straight you are taking up lots of space in a thread that isn't even for you. "im not having this argument again" and lol you want to be controlling about how people talk to you in a thread that isn't about you in any way, at your own insistence. get a life.

No. 256460

Kek, alright.

No. 256521

I can only get off and be turned on by women. I’ve heard straight girls have this too but how does this work ?

No. 256536

Those 'straight' girls are lying. Their either bi or faking their attraction for queer points.

No. 256540

maybe i'm not picking up on sarcasm but that's just being gay.
why would they call themselves straight if they're looking for kweer points, they are probably just confused. i know how some straight women watch lesbian porn and maybe that plays a part, lesbian porn is pretty shit though.

No. 256552

Yeah. I don’t wanna consider myself anything but bi curious at this point. I will say that I’ve had cute girls talk to me irl and I froze up really bad cause they smelt so good and just gave off such sexy vibes

No. 256566

it feels like some women here are in denial. if some guy said he’s straight but he fantasizes about sucking dick i’m sure most anons here would consider him at the very least bisexual but apparently if you’re a woman and fantasize about eating out a woman you’re still straight. you’re at least a kinsey 1 which i consider bisexual

No. 256568

Yeah, they swear fantasizing and masturbating daily to women fucking is straight as fuck pfft wtf

No. 256571

ime this isn’t that rare even among people who are 100% sure they’re gay. my ex is wouldn’t let me go down on her or anything bc it made her uncomfortable, even though we had sex frequently and she was initiating it most of the time. some girls like giving but not receiving, is normal

No. 256685

I joined queer housing groups on social media after being in a tough spot, even though I don't identify as such and I just use it as a cover for my GNC looks. I see tons of cute girls that seem so nice and I have all these fantasies of being close to them or dating. I saw a cute girl today not even in my area and I had this urge to message her but felt like a creep. I just begin crying because I've still never been with a girl and I still deny I'm bi. I want to believe everyone saying that fantasizing sexually and romantically is not straight behavior but I still feel like I'm just not enough. Currently with a guy, have always dated guys, don't want to bother with dating after this relationship ends. But I can't help but yearn for what I've always secretly wanted. And it fucking hurts. Not to mention everyone's a TRA so why even bother.

No. 256813

File: 1650128361718.gif (Spoiler Image, 3.71 MB, 600x338, 3E6F05F6-BD0C-4F48-A5F5-6F283A…)

God I am so sexually frustrated.

I’ve been having a sexual resurgence after seeing Bosco’s Swept Away lipsync performance. It’s so crazy that I had a few dreams about it.
I watched a handful of clips on burlesquefest on YT which featured real women doing burlesque and although it was mesmerising and I find the women highly attractive it just didn’t elicit the same response that I had with Bosco. I wanted to stride him and kiss him on the neck, jaw, and let him do whatever to me.

Before this I had considered myself a low libido and mostly straight (in fantasies not irl????) I rarely get turned on and when I do it is triggered by the women in inevitable sex scenes in films and when a scene sticks I continued on to porn…I like seeing women pleasuring themselves, trembling, soft gasps and moans. Male solo jack off scenes does nothing to me. My sexual fantasies usually consists of men caressing me and kissing me all over. The men MUST be non descriptive even though I find a handful of celebrities attractive, I don’t imagine them in sexual positions. For experiences IRL, I grew up religious and am celibate. I don’t feel comfortable around men even those who are in the same social circle as me. I just do not have have any inclination to be close to any man irl I just want to have Bosco.

No. 259796

I've only ever had crushes/fantasized/dated men and I've always considered myself heterosexual.. But I get turned on looking at big breasts, big asses, women stripping/masturbating/moaning, etc. I realized that If a guy would watch these same things but with men I'd definitely think he's gay, so.. I don't know. I don't ever see myself dating a woman, and I've never felt any romantic attraction to them, either… It seems like it's solely a physical thing.

I guess I'm just saying that I don't know if I'm just pornsick from early exposure or if I'm actually bisexual. It'd be nice to hear some of your thoughts lol

No. 259834

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I think I might be gay?

I've always liked women, not a single doubt there and I've known about it very early on. Called myself bisexual since I found out about the definition.

However, I have no idea if I like men. Never had crushes on them or found them interesting. I had a bf, it was a ldr ltr so we weren't constantly together. I avoided having sex with him in general, only did it to make him happy, never felt the need myself.

The most I can imagine myself doing now with a man is maybe making out but that's really it. Been single for 5 years now and I've become repulsed by dick, didn't bother to date men, don't find the vast majority attractive or care about them in general.

The only thing I kind of "miss" is feeling safe. Never been with a woman so I guess I'd feel safe with a woman too but idk.

I'm just worried to call myself a lesbian simply due to the shit the lesbian community already has to go through.

Pic not related I just love oriental shorthair cat

No. 259889

Yeah I fantasize and imagine sexy things with them. But not real-life women.

No. 259896

Im bisexual myself, but I dont call myself that because it makes ugly men think they have a shot. There is no need for labels despite what the hardcore mainstream says. A lot of gay people didn't even place a label on themselves until very recently. Its like you like women, then good. You like women. Thats all there is to it. If it feels right, then feel it. Youll feel a lot more liberated than if you were questioning if you belong or not.

No. 259989

I'm replying to you but it goes for all women that are in your situation that are all over the thread.

It happened to me, but in my case I also got very infatuated with a female friend as my first teenage love, and first heartbreak too as I went balls to the wall "I love you" after getting too drunk. This combined with being turned on by women in porn and IRL, especially exagerated attributes like you, big asses and big breasts, made me almost certain I was bisexual from ages 16 to 22 although interestingly my infatuation with my friend wasn't sexual at all, it was purely emotional. Until I actually slept with a woman! It was really hard to find a partner as I felt kind of out of place in LB spaces. I finally met a maculine tomboy at a party, we had a good time and we ended up sleeping together. It was a fairly pleasant and interesting experience, even eating pussy, but it was way less intense than even my shittiest experiences with men. Touching her and being touched by her, I instantely realized something was wrong. She was just too soft, too squishy, too delicate… even though she was very fit, it was intrinsic in a way. Funnily enough every straight guy or lesbian friend I told this looked at me like "that's the point". But it's like my brain was expecting some kind of wide shoulders and taut skin. I felt very detached from it all, especially from touching her body. I think I liked the pussy eating (which must have been quite bad kek) the most, because I had no point of comparison to men, and because it was just fun to do. After that for a while I oscillated between "something's up and I am not bi" and "this was just a shitty experience".

This combined with me stopping to watch porn for ethical reasons two years ago has really made me realized my sexual attraction to women was constructed by porn. It came later than the rest, after I started getting into straight porn (before it was all gay porn), it was only directed towards hypersexuality in women and exagerated bodies, it was very visual in a way. I didn't internalize what porn was showing me for myself (be a hypersexual sex doll) but self-inserted myself as the guy getting turned on by it, so I was turned on by women being debased by men. Stopping porn, the most difficult part was stopping the female-centric videos, probably because it has become most of what I watched. Now I am way less turned on by any of it, especialy IRL I am almost never aroused by a woman anymore. I still don't watch porn and hopefully will never do it again in any kind of regularity.
All in all, I think I may have some kind of open disposition to bisexuality and that porn did the rest, instead of it developping naturally or not at all. Now, as I don't watch porn anymore, my interest in women has dwindled. I stil have admiration for some women and find some of them breathtakingly beautiful, and I may still get a bit turned by women sometime. I'm just seeing where it leads me, maybe I'll fall in love with a another women, maybe I'll sleep with one again (this one time it happened I was drunk, which often makes sex shittier, and it was a ONS with a stranger which I am also turning away from) if it feels right. In the mean time, I'm thinking of myself as heterosexual, because it feels more right to my true experience of love and sex, not to porn or fantasies.

To conclude:
- stop porn and just experience it in real life and go from there. Porn can really fuck things up big time.
- Know yourself better. For example the talk of completely seperating physical and emotionnal attraction also set me back (and it's probably linked to porn too). I know now that for me, they are tied and will influence each other. Similarily, my attraction to men is because I want them to do things to me, and I want to do things to them and turn them on, whereas my attraction to women was linked with seeing them being turned on and having things happen to them (instead of an interaction between the two of us). I know that a lot of bisexual people say that for them, their attraction to both sexes is very different from one another, but I still think that in my case, it was a helpful clue.

Hopefully it helped someone figure someting out!

No. 259996

thank you, really. this helped me a lot! now i know where to go from here.

No. 260001

NTA but thank you so much for this! I've felt the exact same way about women, especially

>Similarily, my attraction to men is because I want them to do things to me, and I want to do things to them and turn them on, whereas my attraction to women was linked with seeing them being turned on and having things happen to them (instead of an interaction between the two of us)

No. 260003

Good post. Porn and the male gaze are really fucking things up for people. The important thing is your real life experience of attraction.

No. 260008

So you guys are saying you're not bi, you're just straight but weak mind and easily brainwashed by media?

No. 260009

Well this is the QUESTIONING sexuality thread. There's a separate bi thread.

No. 260010

not any of those anons but I started feeling like this as a kid, only had crushes on and fantasized about boys but was "turned on" by sexual depictions of women on TV and online. Sorry I had a ~weak mind~ at 9 years old I guess lol

No. 260120

I was raised catholic. My schools were all very intense with the religious shit. Shame and sin were always being talked about. My family dynamic was then uptight, prone to secrecy and repression and as I get older I see how much that has affected me. I only have my dad left now and he's hinted about losing his intense homopobia in recent years. I don't feel all that assured though.

When I was 18 to 20 I had a few one night stands with women. Obviously I didn't tell anyone. I then got into a relationship with a man. We didn't have sex in our 5 years living together. Never did. After that I dated a man again but this time we eventually had sex. We broke up though.. because me mostly dodging sex was an issue. He got a vasectomy because he thought my issue was pregnancy worries. It wasn't. He had an affair and we split. I'm in my thirties and feel like the denial has gone on so long that I can't even out myself now?

The ironic thing is I moved area a couple years back, I live alone and haven't dated here but several people have let it drop that they met me and assumed I'm gay just by how I present or carry myself. I might not have to announce it. But previous relationships.. sexless or not.. Still make me feel like I'd be a fraud if I used certain labels. I've shot myself in the foot. I wasted my entire twenties on non relationships and now I feel trapped and unable to move on to a real one.

No. 260149

Last night, reading about detransition in TIFs, I started to wonder if I'm not actually bisexual, as in, would I really like pleasuring a woman? Seeing her face as I do it?
I used to think I was bisexual, one therapist told me that I had bisexual tendencies. But lately I've started to identify as straight, or at most, more specifically, as bisexual leaning very heavily towards men. I've crushed on women a couple of times, but nothing compared to the attraction I've felt for men, and I certainly don't have the necessary sexual experience to claim I'm bisexual. But what if I actually like having sex with a woman? What if what I like about sex with men can also be found in sex with women?

No. 260403

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What does it mean if I'm a lesbian but I like 2D men?
I consider myself a lesbian because I've only loved, dated, and had sex with other women, and I have no interest in real men. Not once in my life have I had a crush on a man. I hate it when they flirt with me. The fleeting thoughts I have about kissing or having sex with any man are intrusive, disgusting, and anxiety-driven.
It's weird to reconcile this with my childhood addiction to yaoi doujin and fanfiction where I'd self-insert as the bottom, and now as an adult with real sexual experience (again, only ever with women) I've moved on to self-inserting in MxF yume content. This includes drama CDs with male voice actors. I should note I just kind of ignore the penis stuff. I can't think about the actual organ without feeling grossed out. If anything I mentally replace it with the yaoi-typical "beam of light" censor bar, or a magic strap that feels awesome for both of us. I'm also not into the sound of guys moaning (I literally skip over parts without dialogue kek) and I specifically seek out audio in foreign languages so there's a certain degree of removal from the situation.
I don't think my sexuality is in dispute. Anime isn't real. I just wonder what this means and I didn't want to talk about 2D penis in the lesbian thread

No. 260409

2D men are not real men just like strapons aren't real penises, but you liking MxF yume content and especially liking hearing IRL guys moaning doesn't sound very lesbian, more like you being interested in men but repulsed by them due to natural and completely understandable fear of them. As a lesbian fujo I love BL (and well done lesbian stuff, not fetishy malegaze shit) but have zero interest in MxF ships or drama CDs or seeing the dicks. The only time I'm sort of interested in MxF stuff is when the girl character is really well done and I can self insert into the male character.

No. 260425

Thanks nona I appreciate the input. I feel the same way about well written female characters and lesbian content. It's sad that it's so rare to find anything I like. Usually in that case I get so attached that I make up a self insert OC to ship with them lol.
I think you did misread this part though, I said
>I'm also not into the sound of guys moaning
and I skip over portions of the CD where it's only moaning and no dialogue. Wow I guess I'm listening to porn for the plot… Anyways my wording could've been clearer. I think I'm more interested in whatever the guy is saying to me rather than the sound of his voice. If I had the option to get the exact same content with a female actor, there'd be no contest. I'd choose a woman every time.

No. 260446

Christ anon I totally misread that and I'm sorry, I shouldn't be on lolcow when half asleep kek

No. 260863

>dated guys because they expressed interest in me, hated it
>relationships failed because i just refused to let them have sex with me after a certain point
>do not fit in with most girls, even the NLOGy ones because i genuinely do not give a fuck about men after i grew out of wanting to emulate them
>even when dressed femininely something reads as un-feminine or 'off'
>uncanny recognition for that same offness in other women, she usually turns out to be bi or lesbian
>can tell when a straight girl is faking it
>generally get along better with men but avoid them anyway because too many of them interpret me joking around with them as flirting
>had a bad habit of acting more cocky/protective/'cool' around other girls/women before i learned to just copy their mannerisms
>obviously attracted to women in their natural state, even before i was exposed to any sort of radfemmery

im at best bisexual because i have had sex and relationships with men and therefore i don't think i really deserve to use the homosexual label, but one does wonder.

No. 260940

I feel you nonna, I identify as bisexual out of convenience but I've never been attracted to real men either, I just mostly get off to yume content. I just never was into BL, there always needs a woman for me to self insert.

No. 261112

You can't be a lesbian if you've ever, ever enjoyed sex with a man. Live your best bi life though, nothing wrong with that.

No. 264566

Different anon replying here but thank you for saying that, because ocd/pms hits my bisexuality hard and I needed to hear that today.

No. 265217

okay, so, cluster-fuck but: i notice my romantic/sexual fantasies never involve "me", how i am irl.

romantic-wise, i'm thinking of an idealized version of me – but always in front of other people. e.g. i'm doing things with my idealized self with my idealized partner + friends in front of other people, who vaguely resemble people i actually know irl.

sexual fantasies…never ever involve me, or even an idealized self, it's always my ocs or anime characters or something. i don't self-insert, i never have been interested in that. i think i had one wet dream in high-school involving another girl; otherwise i never ever fantasize about real people.

i think i have had crushes on guys growing up, though. even now if i see a super hot guy i get all smiley and giggly – this usually doesn't happen with women, but i do find myself obsessing over her + trying to track down any scrap of information i can. or i get turned on, but idk if that's me thinking i have to get turned on by a sexy woman, or if she's actually sexy to me.

wish i could just know this without having to think about it.

No. 265221

>but idk if that's me thinking i have to get turned on by a sexy woman, or if she's actually sexy to me.

to expand on this: isn't it kind of natural to find hot things hot? i keep thinking about this woman i saw on tiktok with a sundress and her body was nice, she wasn't wearing any makeup, her breasts were kind of spilling out of her dress idk. i'm getting kind of turned on just thinking about it. i don't know if i'd actually want to have sex with her though, like could this just be a reaction groomed into me by society?

No. 266013

File: 1653408520306.gif (720.08 KB, 498x498, floppa.gif)

>get horny over sexy women, 2D but 3D even more so
>get horny over sexy men
>but only 2D
>but still unambiguously males and usually quite masculine
>disgusted by femboys
>cock is nice i guess
>but pussy really gets me going
>even my own pussy gets me going
>fantasized about autocunnilingus before, sad it's not possible
>disgusted by both futa and cuntboy shit tho, both just feel wrong to me
>stopped watching live action porn but when i used to it was solo-only, male or female, usually preferred female
>now sticking to written smut, mostly m/f but sometimes f/f, never actually cared for m/m
>kissed two different boys in school but not really into either
>held hands with boys and girls
>the girls i held hands with likely assumed it was completely platonic though
>definitely not platonic on my part
>never been in an actual relationship
>not really interested in long term commitment with either sex
>probably would have sex with women, would prefer either no strings attached or friends with benefits (they would have to be genuine friends outside the ~benefits~ though)
>probably would not have sex with men at all, definitely no hook-ups
The fuck does all this make me

No. 266019

Sounds like a regular bisexual.

No. 266022

I would have said so too but I have heard takes such as
>lack of interest in actual commitment to a woman means you're not actually into women but just memed into it by male gaze media including but not only porn
>lack of interest in actual sex with men means you're not actually into men and only suffer from comphet
What if I am really asexual and both are true. I think that would be very funny.

No. 266025

Nta but you're def not asexual if you're getting off to thoughts about women and/or men. I think maybe there's just too much noise on social media. People will pathologize any and everything. I also think you're bisexual, likely with a lean toward women. You are also a virgin so who really knows! Live your life, nonnie!

No. 266026

Lack of commitment is just like, a personality trait, not some sexuality-defining trait. If you don't wanna fuck or date, then that's that. Either way, if you're unsure just let it be for however long, you aren't looking for a relationship anyways, which is pretty cool imo, so just enjoy whatever you'd want. Just seems to me you see both sexes well, sexually. If it changes in the future, who cares?

No. 266027

>sexual fantasies…never ever involve me, or even an idealized self, it's always my ocs or anime characters or something. i don't self-insert, i never have been interested in that.
Same here, kek. Never thought of it as weird though.

No. 266065

If you have a laundry list of clearly defined traits that you want in a guy that makes him sound good on paper but you can't come up with the same list for women, you're probably gay. When I thought I was straight I had an ever growing list of things a guy needed to be labeled attractive (6'2, dark hair, slender, blue eyes, etc.) whereas with women I never had a type in mind and was naturally drawn to them regardless if they didn't have blue eyes or something vapid like that.

t. anon who was deeply in denial for a long time

No. 266066

Wtf anon, you sound like literally me, from the only hot guys are those in 2D to being a virgin uninterested in relationships, I guess we are both bisexual autistic yumejoshis lol wanna go out?

No. 266082

I have been questioning my sexuality lately after deep contemplation about my inner feelings and repression. When I was a teenager I was raped by a woman and I am having a tough time trying to decipher what is a traumatic response and what isn't. I find that I could be equally attracted to both men and women but I have always had a really strong emotional numbness and complete rejection of the idea of having sex or a romantic relationship with a woman. I have been making pretty huge progress on other parts of my trauma and feel stable enough to process my sexuality now. Any other mentally ill nonnies have advice on healing from same-sex sexual trauma?

No. 266123

>sexual fantasies…never ever involve me, or even an idealized self, it's always my ocs or anime characters or something.
>but idk if that's me thinking i have to get turned on by a sexy woman, or if she's actually sexy to me.
Hit close to home. I can try to imagine myself but at max my brain go in POV mode.

I'm kind of reversed because I id as a lesbian but still get all smiley around guy I find cute or are famous/ skillfull. I wonder if it's due to me learning how to woman as an autistic female. I remember being uninged and fantasying about dudes I finded cute I knew irl and I could only see them in pov doing stuff to "me" but no dick no face no voice.
I kind of got scared when I started watching american tv shows and found the guys attractives ( esp the voice or particular features ) but the dick or sex is just ew, like the sexual tension/aura they give of is satisfaying but I don't want to shag them. Ironically I would check if some of the celebrity from the shows had cute daughters who look like them and damn it hit different.
today I even had a situation were I was watching a show at work during the break, some of the dude looked attractive and I got the guilty pleasure hit, got ashamed so to cool off I got near my coworker to hear the chats and one of the lesbian girl was getting teased because she was going on vacation with her girlfriend and hearing about it I felt that feeling from the heart to the pussy to put it simply. I know I only love female since I was a kid and would never fuck a guy but still it's stuff that I find weird

mega blogpost but I wonder if other nonnies ad similar feeling and stuff.

No. 266133

don't a lot of straight people have a type tho?

No. 266142

I have very specific traits for both guys and girls. But I can't be in a relationship due to my pickiness so that's also that…

No. 266190

Having a type is normal but being overly specific and having rigid standards for attraction is not

No. 266587

The idea of lesbian sex appeals to me very much but I'm not sure if I really am attracted to women (I've only read lesbian erotica). I'm a virgin so I don't want to go on a one night stand and lose my virginity to someone I don't know just to see if I like it, also don't want to hurt the other woman and just say 'oh I guess I'm not attracted to women'. I am attracted to men, I know that. What am I to do nonna's? I don't want to get involved in a relationship with woman when I don't even know if I'm attracted to women in the first place. The only scrote I trust is the least sexy person on earth to me, I know I should just wait until someone comes along but I wouldn't know what to do. My lesbian friend told me she liked me a while ago (she's with someone else now), I felt nothing but maybe I just feel nothing for her. Though I used to feel sparks in middle/high school with my female classmates. Could any kind nonna's help me out? I'm not looking for any kind of label, I'm just not sure if I'm really attracted to women and don't want to hurt anyone along the way. I know I can only figure it out myself but this confusion is so annoying. I don't want to lose my virginity to any moid but also I don't want to lose it to a woman I don't even know. I will see how it goes and am not ashamed of being a virgin, but I feel very confused.

Fuck, this makes me question everything, I have a very specific type (manlet, long hair or shaved head and a very specific facial structure) but women I almost always think are beautiful. Maybe it's because it's what I'm used to seeing in the mirror and I just think women generally have way more beautiful figures. But women are so much more striking and beautiful, I don't know if it is because they usually dress nicer, have a different figure than moids or both.

No. 266592

You can just make some lesbian friends and see if something blossoms. You don't have to start dating or go on with the intention of having sex and nothing else. If you're attracted to women, that'll become apparent to you once you open yourself up to the experience. If you're not attracted in the end, you don't have to ask her out, just stay friends!

No. 266663

That's pretty close to my situation.
>mfw virgin autist
>crushes on both men and women but never even kissed anyone
>so probably bi but not sure bc i'm a mess
>would like to try dating a woman but i don't want to break anyones heart or come accross as one of those special straights who go "whoops i wasn't attracted to you after all"
>also very awkward about sex obviously

I've figured I should probably find a woman who's in a similar situation so I could experiment with her slowly. The only problem is that being a socially nonfunctional weirdo, it's very unlikely that i'd meet anyone in the first place or even get to the point where I could get into any sort of a romantic relationship.

No. 266745

Ayrt, nona are you me? I'm also a bit awkward especially with people I don't know. Sucks, but you'll avoid shitty people. The good ones stick around because they see through you awkwardness that you're nice, funny, this and that.

No. 267107

>don't feel like a lesbian because I find some guys really cute and I would like to kiss them
>don't feel like a bisexual because fucking guys sounds really unappealing and I'd much rather fuck women
>get both lesbian and bisexual on those stupid online quizes, mostly because only women really turn me on but I also fantasize about dating both genders
>has only dated one guy when I was like 12, and has only had sex with one girl when I was in high school
>don't want to be one of those "not into labels qweer" types nor a tumblr micro label
…what would you label me as

No. 267319

You are bi.

No. 267351

I'm really confused about my sexuality atm. I'm attracted to men and I've always thought I was attracted to women as well but I'm not really sure anymore. I don't know if I'm being a retard about this or what. Anyway I'm gonna greentext this shit. This is very half-assed and not very thought through so it's going to be kind of a mess. I guess I just need to get this off my chest.
>grow up online, mostly tumblr
>was sucked into the fandom fujo bullshit very young
>I also shipped a lot of f/f couples too
>was into supernatural (kek) and had a blog dedicated solely to all of the female characters at the time
>got turned on when I made my lesbian sims woohoo
>didn't get like that with gay male sims or with straight sim couples
>saw my elementary school friends have crushes on boys
>imitated them and chose two boys at random to have a crush on
>a little while later I thought I was a lesbian because I didn't actually like boys all that much
>cut my hair short, wear boyish clothes in 4th grade
>was called a butch (as an insult) by a friend I had a fight with
>had an elementary school boyfriend in 5th grade for a little bit but I refused to kiss him and I didn't like being close to him or hugging him at all, felt unnatural
>transition into middle school
>was well liked by most girls because they thought I was funny
>had a crush on a girl in my class but I knew she'd never return my feelings (I was kind of tomboyish and she was quite popular)
>also had a crush on a boy at one time in middle school but turned him down when he asked if I wanted to date him
>did the usual middle school questioning things like kiss other girls at slumber parties
>one girl I kissed acted mad at me the next day at school, told people I made her uncomfortable which really fucked me up because she reciprocated my advances and I thought we were having fun
>feel like a freak predator
>end up dating a girl a little bit later in middle school but I didn't really like her all that much and it also felt unnatural to be romantic with her (like with my 5th grade boyfriend)
>in high school I thought I was asexual because I just didn't get or understand crushes (though as you can see that was just me being dumb and retarded bc I obviously did have crushes kek)
>I was also over medicated on anti depressants and anti anxiety meds
>kills any sex drive I have at all
>masturbation during this time is difficult to do because of no sex drive so it became very rare
>had a really codependant relationship with a girl in high school, was kind of obsessed with her but I was a huge bitch to her as well
>overheard this one girl I didn't even like talk about how most people at our high school were ugly and that there were a handful of people she thought were attractive
>she was bisexual and I desperately wanted to be one of the people she found attractive, don't really know why because I didn't really like her
>had a small crush on a butch lesbian at my high school
>she thought I was cute
>once she passed by the window to the library and my friends laughed because they claimed that I blushed when I saw her
>wtf, no I didn't you retards I don't blush!!!!
>both friends say that I did and I don't think they'd randomly lie about that
>she makes a pass at me once and I'm too shy/too much of a coward to reciprocate, still kind of disappointed in myself for that one
>one of my male friends develops a crush on me
>I am HEARTBROKEN when he tells me. I genuinely feel betrayed.
>turn 17
>my whole life I've admired and respected lesbians, especially the GNC and butch lesbians
>see some tumblr post (yeah I know but, again, 17) that says "if you genuinely wish you were a lesbian… maybe that's a sign that you're not straight/attracted to men"
>mind is blown
>wtf, maybe I am a lesbian?
>come out as a lesbian to people
>feel the greatest I'd felt in a long while
>genuinely (or what feels like) want to get married to a woman, want to date women, I actually feel like I'm attracted to women
>unfortunately I'm judgemental as fuck
>no girl on dating apps really ping my interest, and if they do they're polyamorous/looking for a third
>new girl comes to school
>ohhhh fuck she's kinda cute
>she has really short hair and dresses like a tomboy
>hit her up
>she's a fucking fakeboi
>shit. Well there goes any attraction I had
>have to play along and keep up appearances because I don't have it in me to ghost her
>notice a pattern: boyish girls were almost always fakebois or gender special
>one lesbian/bi girl I was good acquaintances with trooned out because her girlfriend wanted to date guys
>my very good lesbian friend trooned out because her girlfriend trooned out and I guess she didn't want to be a "straight couple"
>what the fuck is happening
>start feeling like I can't even talk to any women that are my type (cute butches/tomboys or cute femmes/girly girls) because they're either fakebois or polyamorous unicorn hunters
>what the fuck is HAPPENING
>people think I'm a they/them because I dress tomboyish
>over time, I give up trying to look for a girlfriend since it's very apparent that I must live in the worst place in my state to date as a lesbian
>distance myself from any romantic/sexual pursuits or discussion
>feeling like I'm gonna die alone
>turn 21
>get off of medication completely
>feeling better emotionally
>start to notice a developing attraction to men
>I am terrified and disturbed by these feelings
>I don't like it, it disgusts me
>try to ignore it
>nope, I think I'm definitely into guys
>have come to terms with it but I still dislike it
>as I come to terms with it, feels as though my main attraction shifts to males, now women are the background attraction
>hate the feeling
>wonder if I'm actually just straight.
>can get off to the thought of males and women respectively, but the orgasms when thinking of women are not as intense
>more self hatred because I don't want to be attracted to men
>start to think I'm straight
>come to terms with the fact that I am probably straight
>wait a second…
>feel a very strong, warm feeling in my stomach when I see beautiful women
>sometimes have an overwhelming urge to kiss/make out with women
>sometimes if a woman is especially beautiful, I get a weird giddy feeling and can feel myself tear up slightly (kek)
>Am a virgin and the thought of performing oral sex on a man disgusts me
>the thought of performing oral sex on a woman overwhelms me with anxiety, feel like I'd be too much of a virgin to really please her
>am anxious at the thought that I may not make a woman cum in my hypothetical imaginary sex scenarios
>self esteem is so low that I can never satisfy the women in these imaginary scenarios
>I suck her tits wrong, I finger her wrong, I eat her out wrong, etc.
>Don't feel worthy enough to even try to talk to women romantically because what if I am straight
>would never forgive myself for wasting a woman's time like that
>I do get off to the thought of a woman eating me out though
>feels safer because she'd probably have more experience
>occasionally, when I'm having a good day, feel giddy at the thought that maybe this imaginary woman could go down on my first and then teach me how to get her off
>don't really fantasize about men like this or really worry about having sex with men
>I am attracted to men, but I do not like or feel comfortable imagining having sex with them

Annnnnd that's pretty much it, more or less. I hope I can figure this shit out soon. If anyone was kind enough to read this greentext word vomit and offer some insight, I'd appreciate it.

No. 267355

wasn't sure if i could be bi if I don't want to have sex with men, so I appreciate the input esp because I'd hate to invalidate lesbians. you're probably right

No. 267400

i think like feeling attraction towards men and wanting to have sex with men can be two different things but if you feel either it’s definitely a sign that you’re bi

No. 267409

You're just bi. Bicycling is something that happens all the time to people, that's all this is. You can't be a lesbian if you're at all attracted to men.

No. 267456

I think at lot of women in this thread are genuinely bi but are confused or unsure because of the stereotypes, like attraction being split 50/50 between sexes, being hypersexual and wanting to fuck everybody… It's okay to be celibate for a while (or forever) or be a febfem while still being attracted to husbandos, you have nothing to prove.

No. 268042

I'm attracted to neither men or women, I feel like both are gross, what the fuck is wrong with me?

No. 268987

Unless it's causing you a lot of discomfort or problems with living your life and doing things you want to do (like a phobia for example), the only thing wrong with you is what's wrong with homosexuals: Humans are extremely social R-selected animals and when our population is increasing very rapidly we start switching on genes in our offspring that make them less likely to reproduce, but don't actually harm their function/survivability. This increases the adult:child ratio, which improves the overall survival rate of children. The reason this works biologically is because you don't need to have your own children to pass on your genes, as your siblings also share a significant amount of your DNA.

No. 270095

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im starting to question if i’m a lesbian. i’m very frustrated with the idea of not figuring out what i like. it’s causing me so much stress lately. especially after i really thought about all my past relationships with men.

i feel like i’m very into the idea of a man being able to provide me comfort..as in physically and emotionally. but every man i’ve ever been with and met, has never been able to fulfill those comforts. maybe for a couple weeks, but for longer than 3-6 months they start tearing me apart slowly, really only using me whenever they’re lonely, or horny. i feel so stressed out, not myself, and have very clouded thoughts when i’m around a man. i get very insecure about my looks, my personality, and even how i speak when i’m around a man. i feel like i constantly have to be the perfect version of myself to satisfy a man, because every time i’ve gotten comfortable around them, told them personal things/feelings, and issues i’ve had in my life, they start to resent me and push me away. and then i feel even more frustrated which makes me feels awful, and then they just leave me. and it’s always been a repeating cycle of this over and over again with every man. i feel like if i’m not 100% perfect, they’ll leave me, yk? but whenever i’m with women, i can always be myself. i can always open up about my issues, my personal life, and truly relax around other women, because women REALLY get it. i always understand my girlfriends and best friends a lot more than any of my male friends/family. i feel l like my needs for comfort physically and emotionally are met (and much more) when i’m with a girl. i’ve been asked if i’ve ever been able to seen myself happier with a woman than a man, and the answer is yes. i feel like if i ever got married to someone, it’d have to be a woman. but in the back of my head, i’m truly scared to call myself a lesbian. maybe it’s because of the bad stigma around the word, or maybe i fear my homophobic family members. maybe im scared to call myself lesbian because then i miss out on the “perfect man” i’ve always fantasized about. but the perfect man i’ve always dreamt out is impossible standards for men to reach bc in the end, all i’ve ever been seen as is an object to fuck and play with and show off to their friends because i’m “pretty.” but whenever i need them to be there for me, whenever things are bad, they tell me i “rely on them too much” and just can’t handle me. i always thought that maybe i am the problem but this shit never happened with women. women were always more understanding of me, and almost always related to how i was feeling.

another thing is that while i do find hot men, hot. they don’t turn me on. i don’t get super turned on by dick or attractive men as much as i get turned on by hot women and womens bodies. i could definitely have sex with a woman. id feel more comfortable having sex with a woman, i feel more comfortable being naked in front of other women, i feel more comfortable changing or even not having makeup around other women. but as i said before, i feel like i always have to be the perfect girl around men. every time i’ve went out with my male friends/boyfriends, i always had makeup on. i never let any man take a single (or even have) a photo with my bare face. i always feel like i have to cover up too. i always wear jackets and pants (even though it’s 100+ degrees here) because i feel so much more insecure around men.

i think i’m just confused because i haven’t had much experience dating women. i’ve only had 1 girlfriend (2 sort of) and she wasn’t into sex so i never got to have any sort of lesbian experience. i’ve had a couple boyfriends, and had sex with only 3 of them, and none of them ever made me orgasm, they just sort of used me until THEY came. the guy i lost my virginity to literally told me to “do it myself” when i asked if he was gonna make me orgasm?.. i also just feel very uncomfortable undressing for sex with men, every time i’ve had sex, always had clothes on and lights off.

No. 270101

The experience you've had with men describes a lot of girls I know, who are straight. Not saying you are, since you definitely aren't. Just saying these thoughts surrounding men isn't just you, it's truly males being low iq monkeys more often than not. You sound like someone who is bisexual to me. With a lot of issues about men, which I'll say are not your fault at all, because, men have just been devolving rapidly in looks, personality and intelligence. I don't think a lesbian woman would care at all for men like this, or thinking about the perfect man. But dating men definitely doesn't seem to bring you any comfort, which a relationship should to some extent, could you consider yourself febfem and maybe try dating women only? And who knows, if you get more sexually intimate with women, it would clear things up for you more? I wish you luck in any case. Men aren't shit.

No. 270104

I call myself straight but my libido is and has always been so low I think I could accurately describe myself as asexual. When I say low I mean not even masturbating for literal years without an issue.

No. 270105

I'm bi but exactly the same. I can't remember the last time I found someone attractive or felt the want for sex. I really love it this way, what about you?

No. 270106

You're most likely bi and prefer women, that's how I define myself and I feel similarly. like you my relationships with women are more intense but I can't bring myself to show the same romantic feelings towards a man, though I didn't ever have longterm relationships with men because I really can't tolerate them.
It's ok, you don't have to call yourself a lesbian or bi woman either, labels can be confusing and even scary for those of us who were brought up in environments lesbians were thought of as broken and such while bi women were considered confused or whore-ish.
Yeah anon sounds like a bi woman, though how much she cares about men and how her ideal is in the end a man is setting her up for failure. A big percentage of bi women prefer to be with men for obvious reasons but some don't, she might fall into that group.

No. 270109

Nta but I'm the same as you, I'm bi and my libido is very low, never wanted to have sex with anybody and I masturbated like 5 times a month. I don't think it's that bad, there's such a weird pressure to be sexually active especially when you're young, but a celibate lifestyle saves you so much from the hassles of relationship drama, STDs and pregnancy scares.

No. 270130


No. 270258

I don't dislike it in of itself, but it's extremely othering because I can't relate to anyone around me or any media, literally everything is focused on sex. I keep wondering if it's due some hormone imbalance or something, it just doesn't seem fully natural to have 0 sex drive at all.

No. 270393

I came from the mental health thread to detail something about maybe a sign of me being lesbian.

I always dated ugly men or unconventionally attractive men, depends on how you see it, like 3-4/10, and on my end I always get told even from men I dated and the man I actually date that I "deserve better", i often tell them how appearance doesn't really matter and that as long as they're a few inches taller than me and have a great personality that it suffices me.

As I am more comfortable looking relationships as long term, I wouldn't engage with dating culture or hook-ups, I'm sorry to come off as rude but I'd rather be a slut than a woman engaging in hook up culture and duty dating, whatever cosmo calls it. However I do engage in looking at yuri content (which is obviously made for men by men) but I often think that it's just a fantasy so it's useless to base my sexuality on fantasy.

I used to have a female only friend group that I left (like I usually do after a while) because one of the girl here told me that maybe I'm a closet lesbian and that what I said above is a coping mechanism. I would never dare a woman. This prospect isn't attractive to me, and there's so much abuse in stats speaking of lesbian relationships, add to that I'm never too comfortable interacting with women and I often went on the advice thread about it. I tried all advices and it doesn't change anything on how I view those people and myself included as a whole.

No. 270400

You just like ugly dudes, anon. That's fine.

You're potentially bisexual but if you're fine dating men then by all means keep going. I doubt any lesbians or bi women would want to date you either if you go in believing they're all abusive (iirc the stats on that are off due to counting bisexual women who had dated men and not specifying the sex of the abusive partner, but I read the usual study about 2 years ago to argue with someone on CC so the numbers I pulled are lost to time).

No. 270580

Stopped reading after “I date 3-4/10 men” because that’s the straightest thing a woman can do in the world.

No. 270757

I don’t know if I’m gay or bi. I used to have very “limited” fantasies about men, but those haven’t happened for YEARS, and the ones about women are much more enjoyable. Still, I don’t know if it’s just that I’m not trying, or if I’m really gay. Because I USED to feel sorta hetero, but now I don’t feel that way at all. It’s strange.

No. 270762

Gotta agree with this. Closet lesbians usually date feminine men or stereotypically attractive men to compensate. Anon just sounds insecure.
>Studies posted on CC
Kek I can't with CC's obsession with studies as if they're gospel and totally not extremely easy to manipulate and take out of context

No. 270859

how do I stop wanting to be a cute man in a relationship with another cute man :(
the only scrote I've been genuinely attracted to turned out to be a fag and I think this messed my sexuality in High School.
I'm scared I'll develop GD because of these fantasies even though I'm perfectly functional and happy with my gender outside this erotic longing.(:()

No. 270888

just remember men only remain cute twinks for like 5 years max

No. 270954

Nonna's I can't stand the idea of sex, whether it's a man or a woman. I feel attracted to either though. I'm confused, I have the same amount of female crushes as I do moid crushes and have since I was a kid. What the fuck is this anons? I never had sex but the idea repulses me.

No. 270982

Bisexual asexuality? You can be both at the same time. Or in tumblr terms biromantic asexuality

No. 271366

You can't really know if you're truly sex repulsed if you've never had it imo. The act looks quite nasty in porn but the real thing is so beautiful when you're turned on and love the other person. Of course you could still be repulsed by the real thing, but don't lock into the asexual label before you've given it a chance with someone you feel something for. Also you're bi.

No. 271759

Okay, so I am a fujo that obsesses over anime twinks and BL. I very rarely (if ever) self insert into any type of content, but with BL especially I never do. I also don't like yume, otome, any kind of M/F content, if it's sexual I feel especially put off. F/F content feels weird to read but not in a.. bad way? but I'm too embarrassed to look at it too much. I could imagine myself in a yume scenario with a female character easier than with a male, but without it getting too sexual.
As for irl, my experiences have been fairly limited but I can say that I am for sure either completely repulsed by even imagining myself in a sexual situation, or at least repulsed by PiV specifically. I have tried doing it with my bf but it just made me so anxious we had to stop every time. Even typing it out makes me feel uncomfy lol. And this isn't due to a trauma or something, I am simply REALLY put off by it?
I've never been with a girl, I used to be extremely touchy with my female friends but that's about it. I think I'd enjoy being in a relationship with a girl but I'm once again unsure about the sexual aspect.
Sorry if this is a mess but I don't know where this all puts me.. How can I know if I'm put off by sex completely, or just by sex with guys? And I know fujo lesbians are fairly common, but I feel like it'd kind of be weird to consider myself a lesbian if I obsess over gay anime boys..?

No. 271765

Maybe you are just turned off by the power dynamic from being with a man, along with the expectation of PIV? Personally, I hate PIV and never want to do it, and the thought of a man wanting to do it to me turns me off so much. I can't self-insert to straight porn because of this. I even hate otome without porn because you just know the woman is going to be the one dominated and it makes me feel super uncomfortable. I've liked yuri because it's usually an equal relationship, plus they usually do more of the sensual things like lots of kissing, body worship, oral, etc that I don't see in straight porn. And I like BL because at least I'll see one man get dominated or penetrated (and that's super hot as I like seeing men get roughed up)
So yeah, maybe you are just turned off so much by the expectation of PIV from men and that makes you gravitate towards M/M and F/F.

No. 271935

You are bi. You can go have sex with a woman as there are plenty of bi women who just go for women due to how gross society is and how broken male brains are.

No. 272134

Not sure where to post this so I'll ask here:

Any other lesbians or bi women just, idk, don't go crazy for women? Maybe I have a low as fuck libido but I don't get crushes or anything. It's because I have 0 experience and never even managed to flirt with another woman? I know I prefere women and that I'm sexually attracted to them only, it's just that I don't think of it as much, it just happens to be who I am. Maybe I'm too much online so it's screwing my perception of everything

No. 272327

I'm bi and I don't crush on anybody, it's probably a combination of mental illness and low libido. It works fine for me, at least I'm spared of relationship drama and potential STDs.

No. 272435

Some people require a personal connection before they get truly excited by someone. Could be an anxiety thing, self-consciousness, low libido, etc. Either way, I'm gonna go ahead and guess it's lack of experience combined with needing the extra push of just really connecting with someone on an emotional/intellectual level to trigger your feelings. That's just more likely than you belonging to the minuscule asexual population.

No. 272840

I'm in a similar boat and I think it's a libido issue and a mix of trauma for me. But being online can be a big contributor. When I started going out I notice attractive women very often, but a spark to start a full blown crush never happens. Having female friends that are somewhat attractive could change that, but it's also just hard for me to feel anything more than a small crush

No. 273537

Can anons help me figure out what this is?

I’ve only ever had crushes on men, which includes a physical desire to get close to them. But after dating them, the physical desire starts going away, I guess from lack of novelty? I think boobs are really hot, but I’ve never had a crush on a woman and lesbian media does nothing for me. I can’t tell if I have a weird fetish for breasts while also being very low libido. I don’t really want to date women; I think about it sometimes in a desperate bid to not be asexual but I can’t imagine it going anywhere.

Also can you increase libido? I don’t really care about sex and could go the rest of my life without it but I don’t want to be partnerless. I don’t mind having sex and it’s fun sometimes but I feel like a horrible monster for having no real sexual feelings. (I’ve never had sexual feelings for anyone beyond the vague “I want to touch you” with boys.) I used to enjoy erotic fanfic and sexy music and a few fetishes but now I have 0 sexual reaction to things that used to turn me on.

I didn’t even really mind having sex the way I did until I found out other people experience sex as this super intense thing and now I feel like I’m broken and defective. Am I asexual? Am I bi? Can I go back to having some sense of a sex drive? I’m not on antidepressants or birth control. I’m in an otherwise happy relationship and I’m terrified I’ll end up permanently partnerless if I have to be a totally sexless thing. Makes me cry and start panicking. I’m seeking therapy but I wanna hear from real people because therapists tend to not know anything beyond common cases.

No. 273571

You just sound like a straight girl with a super low libido. Most women I know are exactly like this anon, perhaps because of where I live where female sexuality is very discouraged and most women are fine with being this way. Also I do think maybe you've made having sexual feelings this really big thing in your mind, when for a lot of the population it isn't really like that, I've felt more emotion masturbating alone than with a partner kek, maybe that's just me. I have a libido in the negatives as well, no bc or antidepressants, and I turned this way in my early twenties. You say you enjoy sex and it's fun, that's perfect then isn't it? You don't have to be some horny sex goddess or whatever and you really shouldn't take any pages from society on what sex is for you. I don't know if I am making any sense, but you don't sound broken or defective at all to me, anon.

No. 273579

Nothing wrong with having a low libido, contrary to what society makes you believe you are not going to die without sex unlike food or sleep. The only hard thing is having to find the perfect partner for your lifestyle though.

No. 273600

You can't enjoy sex if you fixate on your perceived defectiveness. You're not alone in having a low libido and possibly being asexual, though it could be for a huge number of reasons. Main thing is to give yourself room to explore your own feelings and go at a pace that prevents you from beating yourself up. If you haven't had many sexual partners that is one thing to look at, it's possible that you jive super well with your current bf in most ways but maybe you just don't feel attracted enough. There is a world of difference ime when I'm truly sexually attracted to someone vs not, I feel completely asexual when there isn't a strong draw.

No. 273831

Here it is, I'm confused and also confused as hell over the fact that this doesn't hold much importance for me.
I've had one partner in my entire life, a man. It was, predictably, not good, everything was a sham and a fake and the sex was so gross. I'm a bit of a coward so approaching a woman (or anyone for that matter) terrifies me but I do find myself attracated to butch women very much. I can appreciate a conventionally attractive looking man but I have zero desire to pursue any kind of relationship with one. Since I've never had any experience with a woman, can I even call myself bi or lesbian? Wouldn't I need to have experienced a relationship/encounter with a woman? On the other hand, I legit would probably be fine if I never had any encounter ever again. Does this sound like anyhting in particular or just low libido?

No. 273844

Bi with low libido or shitty partner, possibly. You need more experience out there before you commit to a label but definitely do not call yourself a lesbian.

No. 274328

Ive been questioning my sexuality again very much lately. I turn 26 this year and i'm still a virgin which feels lame… It's by choice though. I've had 2 relationships and dated many men though mostly due to social anxiety and my aspergers as a way to kind of practice social interaction. The ones i've fallen in love with i've had no desire to have sex with. As soon as man I like makes a move on me or starts talking about sex I feel grossed out and like he's ruined everything. I used to think i'm asexual and I still do sometimes but I experience sexual attraction. I've had crushes on women and they were wayy different as i'd feel very attracted to their bodies as well rather than just a romantic interest.
I am now dating a man again because I recieve a lot of pressure on me to settle down, and he claims to be cool with waiting for sex and says it doesnt matter etc etc but obviously he is lying to make me stay and I can tell that he is sort of subtly pushing my boundries before i'm ready. I feel very unhappy. I literally never interact with other women though so it's really hard to tell what my sexuality is. I feel so nervous around other women and awkward and I start blushing and acting weird and I never go outside and socialize if i'm being honest. I have no friends besides a few men I met on dating applications years ago who are cool with friendship so they've sort of stuck around I guess. Not sure if that matters but in general I find women far more attractive than men. I rarely see a man and actually find him good looking and I have never been attracted to the typical "hot actors" that all other women swoon over, but I honestly find most women beautiful in one way or another. Sorry if that was kinda messy I lose track easily but point is I have no idea what my sexuality is and I feel like i'm missing out so much.

No. 274365

I didn't have my first relationship (it was a man) until I was 28. The idea of sex had always grossed me out but for some reason I got in my head that it was time to know what it was all about despite that. It was nasty. I'm in a similar boat as you where I've had crushes on both but with women it's different. Sex with men is undeniably repulsive and I do not want to have sex with any of them ever again but I'm really too scared to even approach a woman. Sorry I can't be of any help to you, but I do relate to your struggle.

No. 274397

Am I gay? I saw a girl at the grocery store bagging and she was so cute, I could kiss her. A no makeup, freckled, pale skin, brown eyed and light brown haired beauty wearing a dragon necklace. She looked kind of dorky but she was so adorable…just a natural beauty. My heart was beating fast looking at her and I felt really attracted. Can this happen to straight women as well? I'm 24 and last year have been finding myself attracted to more and more women randomly without thinking about it, it just happens. It's not a common thing but certain women I definitely go awooga for every now and again. It's pretty random. But then again, I'm not really frothing at the mouth over every guy I see either. When I'm horny, I have no problem imagining myself being sexual with a woman. I do wonder if sexuality falls on a spectrum and isn't just reduced to gay, straight, or bi labels.

No. 274399

>Can this happen to straight women as well?
no, Do you even have to ask? They might think she's cute in an admire her style way, but they wouldn't be going dokidoki.

No. 274400

You sound pretty clearly bisexual imo. I disagree that sexuality is a spectrum but I do think bisexuality specifically can be thought of as a spectrum since people experience it so differently (i.e. some have 50/50 attraction to both sexes while others have strong preference for one over the other, and this can fluctuate over time).

No. 274531

Am I still a lesbian if I find male anime characters attractive?

No. 274550

I dunno what I am anymore. I am repulsed by majority of biological males, but I am having second doubts about my sexual orientation. I have quit porn for almost 6 months now, realising that porn is ephebophillic, misogynistic, and is overall harmful to the consumer and the people performing these x-rated videos. I currently have a gf that is bisexual, and I have expressed that I am repulsed by bio males. I am very attracted to bio females (including non-op and pre-op ftms), but I do find transsexuals like ladyboys, hijras, and newhalves attarctive (even after quitting porn), but I would never, ever touch a penis. I think I might be some flavor of bisexual, since my recent fantasies have included the ladyboy/newhalf/hijra transsexuals, minus the penis interaction, but I think since my same sex attraction is stronger, I never acknowledged my osa possibly. Idk how to tell other people this, but I still envision spending the rest of my life with a biological woman. Hopefully others will reply to me as I am just confused be all of this. I think I'll only tell people I trust with this, plus my immediate family honestly.

No. 274652

Basically no. If you want to fuck a male, even if cartoon, you're not a lesbian. Lesbians do not want to interact with any penis. Our aversion to men isn't about how annoying they are IRL at all, it's about their natural anatomy in relation to ours. We're repulsed in a fundamental way by penis-havers.

You can always be bi though!

Finding TiMs attractive makes me think you like femininity and not really the female sex tbh. You say you'd never touch a penis but that seems like it's an opinion and not necessarily how it would play out IRL. If you're attracted to TiMs who look male by every measure to me and every lesbian (not kinsey scale whatever bi but actual lesbian) I've ever met, you may just be having a bi awakening lol. Maybe you're just looking at shooped footage of them and it's tricking you too much, I don't wanna say you're blind or something. How they behave IRL is also nothing like a woman so I'm having trouble grasping how you can be a lesbian and ignore all that.

Since you are happy with women, I suggest you stop worrying about this and just do your thing. If you fixate on this ladyboy thing it's probably going to start becoming a bigger and bigger deal to you, and potentially ruin your relationship with your gf. If you were single you could go out and explore but really, do you want to spend all your time lying to some troon about how legit of a woman he is? They're just men. Your attraction to femininity surely can't sustain that sort of delusion for the sake of it.

No. 274655

>be me
>grow up in very conservative household
>get with boyfriend bc everyone in my friend group also had a boyfriend
>stay with him for 3 years
>my parents and grandparents say they are proud of me for landing such a good guy
>never sleep with him because he does not arouse me
>always find excuses
>bf gets more annoyed and we break up eventually
>move to different city because being with parents was suffocating

Am I just not attracted to men?

No. 274658

NTA but I'm curious why so many fujos identify as bi or gay? This is a phenomenon that makes no sense to me based on what you said

No. 274660

Do you masturbate to men or do you incorporate them in your fantasies? Maybe you were just not attracted to this dude in particular, I think you need more experience to figure out if you're attracted to men in general. Do you think you're attracted to women though?

No. 274667

They are all bi in denial. Just because you haven't found a man IRL that you like enough doesn't erase all the dick you masturbate to in private lol.

No. 274680

I'm attracted to women but I have a lot of sexual/sex-related trauma from the same sex. I've been trying to re-wire myself to not see violence as a major part of romance, but i'm unable to imagine myself with a woman healthily without falling into a spiral.

I can kind of get around it by imaginging myself void of female features but in a male-typical role, or imaginging what i'd be attracted to in a woman but removing the breasts and going "that's a man!!" (This can also work with characters who are faceless and have their bodies obscured via armour or what-not, because I don't really see them as men)

I still feel super gross doing this but i'm able to. Irl i'm completely repulsed by men though. If i don't find a man horrendous I still don't like looking at him, lol. Am I bi?

No. 274747


No. 274841


Thank yo uall, I actually feel much better now. I'm starting to think that I identified with bi because a lot of my friends are bi, I dress androgynously so people always try to call me non-binary and I hate it, and I didn't know what me being into boobs but not actual real women meant. I spent a lot of time feeling confused and hating sex and sexual things because of it, but now I'm going to try to get in touch with my desires and fantasies again.

No. 275017

I'm one of those fujos(kind of) though I'm not really sure about my sexuality yet. And since people here tend to have the wrong definition of a fujo in their heads I feel the need to explain that I don't want to fuck an anime guy, I usually enjoy two male characters' relationship and do want to see them fuck, but without any self inserting involved. Not to mention that anime boys are different from real men, and I usually like the twinks with very little masculine features that are more on the feminine side(but not to the extent of draw a girl call it a boy). I'm not particularly interested in "daddy" characters. And you may say that still means I'm into men but I don't find myself attracted to any rl men, not even the "hot" actors, I don't want to have sex with them and I'm actually even repulsed by the idea of having sex with a man. I don't even want to date one because it means dealing with a real life moid. So all this considered, I feel like calling myself bi would be wrong lol.
As for my attraction to women, I find myself attracted to irl women way easier than men. But my actual experiences with them has been fairly limited because I live in a country that's not too accepting of LGB people and because I don't really feel the need to date anyone at the moment. I enjoy yuri in fiction but the reason I prefer BL is because yuri spaces have always been full of men(and it's only gotten worse with the tranny shit getting worse) and a lot of yuri feels too male gazey, meanwhile BL has actually well written stories and characters (and it's usually by women for women). I'd say the situation is somewhat similar for a lot of lesbian fujos, but feel free to tell me if this still makes me bi. I wrote all this but I'm genuinely still pretty confused about my sexuality.

No. 275027

File: 1657717175945.jpg (22.75 KB, 610x450, 2734e65c2c63523285e103f5b7de16…)

Nonnies idk how to feel about this. Some friends and I went to a club last weekend and became friends with two girls in the women's bathroom and ended up spending the entire night together dancing and stuff. Towards the end this one girl and I ended up staying while the rest went home and we ended up making out and we were quite handsy with each other. We were maybe a bit drunk but not to the point where we'd slur our speech or anything. Anyways, she ended up giving me her phone number and she even gave me a kiss goodbye when we parted ways. I haven't contacted her because I don't know what to think about all of this. It's the first time I've ever kissed or made out with a woman because I was always convinced that I was straight and never felt any attraction towards women previously. I didn't even see her in that way when we first met but it really turned me on and I kinda wanted more but then again I don't know if that was just the alcohol influencing me to an extent.

No. 275144

does anyone else feel varying degrees of sexual arousal when thinking about yourself or certain people having sex? for example, the thought of me having sex with a woman vs a man are two very different types of arousal for me, as is consuming forms of porn. i know i sound retarded but i want to know how different it is for others

No. 275160

Bisexual and yeah, attraction to men and women is different. Attraction to fem and masc women is also slightly different for me although it's hard to pinpoint.

For me, with women it's much easier and a bit more carnal, although that isn't a perfect term. The female body is really hot naturally without the need to pervert my fantasies.
Attraction to men is aesthetic and power based. Unfortunately my sexual interest in men only involves their suffering plus weird fetishes, and it comes and goes while my interest in women is consistent. After much analysis, I've concluded my attraction to women is very natural but with men it was something smaller that I had to foster during adolescence. Growing it meant incorporating coomer kinks as support, so here I am.

Interested in how other binons experience this. Also if others have a "natural" attraction to one over the other? If I'm making sense.

No. 275320

I find men attractive physically, but would never want to have sex with them. With women it's a whole different story. Am I just a big ol' lesbian? Or is it some kind of fear of men aka the unknown for me lol.

No. 275321

If you don't want to have sex with a man, you're a lesbian. Something being nice on the eyes doesn't affect your sexuality. Who you want to have sex with does. That's all sexuality is, at the end of the day.

No. 275332

Thanks nonna, I thought I was bi for a long time but I don't know now. I'll figure it out eventually, no big deal.

No. 276091

I know now everyone calls themselves a lesbian even when they're not has made most lesbians online call women bi even if they dated boys as teenagers. My obsessive thoughts is making me question if I'm actually gay and if I'm making excuses for my past experiences. Sorry for blogpost please help.

Grew up being taken care of by my super religious grandparents that would sit me down every year and tell me that god is coming and the end of the world is going to happen. My mom had several gnc friends but she would shit talk them and acted like I was her friend telling me how gross they were when I was around 6-8 (later realized they were probably lesbians). Didn't really have a father or mother figure and craved attention and validation from anyone.

Small dude with long hair that looked like a girl asked me out when I was 16 I said sure why not because no one had been interested in me before. I remember when he stole my first kiss I went back to class upset. Dated him for two years the one time I thought I got wet from making out it was me just starting my period lol. I met a girl online that was older than me and learned that I could be a lesbian. It never occurred to me that I could be one.

I remember when he kept pressuring me to give him a blow job and I didn't want to but I didn't want him to break up with me. He also told me that he was going to commit suicide but then he met me. It was really fucked up and codependent. I didn't want him to leave but felt like I couldn't leave. Stupid teen stuff. I gave him a blow job a couple times but I felt like a prostitute after every time. There was just a lump in my through several hours afterwards and I just felt sick. I kept thinking about how online chick would feel if I told her what I did. Like she would be disappointed.

Got in LDR with online chick after the dude broke up with me because I told him he would have to wait 3 more years till I would have sex with him lol. online dated chick for four years we met had sex it was awkward she was stone. Then got in a relationship with bi chick. My mom would always tell me I'm mentally ill waiting for me to get with a man (she's still waiting). Lived with bi chick for 3 years she was unmedicated bipolar she fucked with my head real good. After her tried dating a dude again because I felt so worthless I didn't want to be gay I wanted the approval of my mom and grandparents so badly. My family all gossip about me possibly being gay already and I was like 26 being "single" for 7-8 years talking about my first boyfriend like he was my only experience because I didn't want them to know and ostracize me. So when this new guy came in he said he was trying some spiritual shit where he didn't want to have sex for a year. Said yeah I'm down for that lol. Tried fooling around (other than sex) but it just felt so dehumanizing. Wanted to break up with him after a week but one of my guy friends said give it a shot just be patient and I was stupid and listened. He ended up breaking up with me because he needed to have sex lol.

Then stopped looking for validation through other people and spent a couple years working on my childhood traumas. I now have the strength to say no to people. I guess I'm kind of considered a gold star since I never had sex with a dude and don't want to but I have fooled around half clothed with those two dudes. I considered myself a lesbian and only see a future with women but does though past two relationships make me bi?

Sorry it's so long thank you for reading and input!

No. 276106


Mm if you were or are sexually attracted to men then yes, that would make you bi-sexual. If your only attraction is to women then you are a lesbian. To be clear that has nothing to do with sexual experience, it has to do with actual attraction. I'm glad that you've taken some time to just be with yourself and the learning to say no part is like super important so good for you.

No. 276108

Not sure if this counts for this thread but I'm kind of ashamed of being bisexual, so I often go out of my way not to tell people my sexuality. I'm terrified of being perceived as someone who treats sexuality like a fashion statement. I'm scared of being fetishized by straight men, not being good enough for gay women, and catching something from a bisexual guy.

I'm 23. I've been on dates, but I've never had a committed relationship. I really want a LTR.

No. 276110

It's a female-dominated, nerdy community, so even if you're not aroused by the art, you can still enjoy obsessing over shipping Chinese cartoons with other women. Before yaoi got taken over by Aidens, it used to be a fun way to make friends with other otaku women online.

No. 276117

Thanks nonnie. Nah never sexually attracted, just wanted everyone to see me as normal. I just turned 30 and I still cry about how my mom has treated me and how my grandma would act if I confirmed their suspicions. I've only met my father a couple times as a kid and he degraded me the whole time I was visiting him. I think I wanted male validation when I was younger since I didn't get that from my father. But now that I've worked on myself and got pink pilled I don't need any validation from men or women. But Maybe I need to work on myself a bit more because my sense of self is being swayed by strangers on lchat lol.

No. 276125


Well, I dunnos. I think it's actually good not to live in an echo chamber and have your views and perceptions challenged, if only so that you confirm to yourself your own convictions. It's also important to remember that are sense of self is constantly evolving and changing throughout our lives, so a change in that perception is totally okay. As for family well, sadly in some families they never come around to excepting their children for whom they really are, but on the other hand a lot of families do actually, some super quick after they've gotten used to the idea. Others it takes years sometimes but they do however reluctantly. Good luck in chat and with the rest of your day hope it's an awesome one!

No. 276128


Oh my gosh. Well this might sound a little simplistic on the surface (and who am I to be giving advice so consider the source lol) but in my humble opinion the first thing I think you need to do now that your being honest with yourself is take that next step and be honest with the people around you and yes yes yes it is super duper scary and also yes there are some people whom are going to be kind of mean or unaccepting or break off friendships etc. Just try to remember that's on them, not you. Be your own person and be proud of that, you don't have to be a "fetish" or "not good enough" just be you the right people will love and accept you for who you are, regardless. In regard to fears about sex and disease, yes totally there are risks especially with more casual encounters, or sometimes even with a long term partner that is secretly cheating. Just remember always be prepared in terms of personal protection and always make it your own responsible action to keep yourself safe even if nothing ends up happening. It's a bit like body armor in that respect, the one day you don't wear it is the day you end up wishing you had, know what I mean? Stay safe out there and totally have lots of fun just remember to be careful. All the best.

No. 276135

Thank you Nonnie for all your advice. I hope you have an amazing day too.

No. 276843

Sometimes I can appreciate good looking guys, but recently I tried fooling around with a guy (not actual sex) and his frame was so dull and unattractive to me. Like the planes of his body were wrong. I've thought of myself as a lesbian my whole life, but recently starting doubting it. But now after this exchange I think I got it right the first time? Confused. It wasn't that he had a bad body it was just so 'empty' and no fun to play with. Like something was missing. Does this mean anything or am I just picky? I can't stop thinking that had it been a woman it would have been more exciting but it's just speculation so I don't know.

No. 276895

Yeah, igi anon. But I do consider myself bi. I enjoy looking at male bodies but when faced with the reality of sex with a man and even just kissing it felt unnatural and gross. When I kissed my ex it felt "empty" as you said, even if he was cute and I enjoyed drawing him.

Welcome to theoretical bisexuality (it sucks just a little).

No. 276900

If you can come away from a sexual experience with a male without being utterly disgusted, you're bi. If this were your first time having sex period, and you were super young then it's hard to tell the difference between new and good. But in your case, you are gonna need to drop the lesbian label even if you're a very picky Kinsey 5.

No. 276907

so you haven't had sex with a woman yet? it's also possible you weren't attracted to him particularly

No. 276998

Theoretical bi haha! That's a good term. I'm not sure I would go as far as to say I enjoy looking at male bodies. I feel queasy whenever I see guys with too much skin exposed e.g. shirtless/sleeveless. I can recognise a good looking guy but it's never been something I dwelled on or got butterflies for much unlike w/ women.
…yeah idk if "fooling around" was the right term my bad. We just cuddled on his bed fully clothed and that was it. Sorry I'm really inexperienced sexually that was the most intimate I'd ever been with a guy so it felt like fooling around to me, but it wasn't actually sexual (at least to me). I agreed to it cause he was feeling sad and he's a touchy feely kinda person. I am too but only really with my girl-friends. Anyway, he told me I could do whatever I wanted with him. I tried to enjoy him the same way he was enjoying me (playing w/ my hair and other innocent stuff) but I was just really confused/blanked out most of the time and felt like there was nothing /to/ enjoy. He got hard and I told him to move so I wouldn't have to feel it. But like you said, I wasn't traumatised (except for noticing his hard-on I guess) from the experience or anything and feel pretty apathetic about the whole thing which yeah makes me think I might be some kind of bi.

I've never come out to anyone w/ any labels cause I've resolved not to get into a relationship. I was just navel-gazing abt my sexuality and wanted some input.

I don't want to have sex before marriage and I don't want to get married so I don't plan to have sex at all, with women or men. Yeah I've been thinking that too – maybe it was just him. But I'm not really willing to reproduce that experience with some other dude just to find out lmao.

No. 277135

I’ve been a lurker on this thread so far and the phrase “theoretical bisexuality” strikes a chord with me. I’ve struggled in the past with a fixation on “figuring out” my sexuality, but lately realized it’s pointless because I have no actual relationship experience. I think I prefer men because that’s what my fantasies and crushes lean toward, but I’ve had phases where I thought I was a lesbian and even had dreams about dating women, which felt nice but deepened my confusion when I woke up. Maybe it’s just bi-cycling. Currently I feel pretty straight but I’ll see if that sticks lol.

Just curious because I’m considering the same thing, why have you resolved to not get into a relationship? In my case it’s because I’m too socially awkward/anxious and not sure if I could handle it emotionally.

No. 277141

I was going to get so pissed at him for getting touchy with a woman he knows identifies as lesbian while using his sadness as an excuse but I'm glad I kept reading. I guess he didn't know that part. It's possible that you simply don't have enough emotional attachment to physical touch, many lesbians experience harassment from a young age and it gets more and more intolerable as you age. Since you're sexually inexperienced it doesn't necessarily mean you're bi. It does sound like if you're a lesbian after all, you're particularly lucky in not being scarred by coercing males. Don't wanna make you feel like an impostor for not having a trauma response to a new experience. Are you religious? Why not have sex before marriage if you never want to be married in the first place? So confusing.

For every anon in this here thread: You should date a woman and find out. If you're gay it'll click very quickly, I promise. Then you can compare how that feels to any future endeavor. Until you have a bunch of experience under your belt I'd say stick to "queer" and let things play out safely but respectfully.

No. 278477

I’m 99% sure I’m straight but I don’t know if I’m aromantic or not.
I’m very very rarely attracted to men IRL, I’m more or less exclusively attracted to conventionally very good looking men.
I’m quite hostile to (straight) men. I generally don’t like fhem at all, and avoid speaking to them or interacting with them if I can.
I’ve never lived a man and I don’t know if I can because I’m so disgusted by the average man (not physically but by their character)
I wanna fuck men (I’m a virgin lol) but I don’t wanna be around them if that makes sense?
I don’t know if I’m actually aromantic or if it’s just a trauma response…

No. 278514

Anon you basically summed up exactly how I feel about men. I want to fuck cute guys and flirt (also a virgin lol) but I don’t think I could live with a man or be around him for very long without eventually finding something about him that disgusts me or annoys me. It could be a trauma response, but I’ll say I don’t have any specific male-related trauma and I feel the same way as you so I also think that might just be a ‘normal’ way that some women feel.

No. 278523

You answered your own question, the average man disgusts you and you're only attracted to very attractive man, it's normal imo, the average man is truly disgusting. I don't want to sound like a boomer but you're probably not aromantic, just haven't met the ideal man, which let's be honest is really fucking hard, and it could be a trauma response too. Keep your standards high, it'll avoid you so many problems.

No. 278526

But is there even an ideal man?
Most straight girls I know aren’t viscerally repulsed by 99% of men so that’s why I question if it’s normal or not.

No. 278528

They aren't? Most men are absolutely disgusting and I'm straight and sexual

No. 278529

I think you're vastly overestimating how much girls/women are attracted to the average guy. It's just that women are taught to look at facets beyond looks and the supply of attractive men is many times smaller than the amount of attractive women so a lot of us are forced to settle for someone that's not making us wild.

You're attracted to men and want to fuck them, that makes you straight.

No. 278530

Have you asked them though? I mean not in a statistical way, but maybe ask your friends what they think of the random men you come across, I'm sure they'll find at least 50% of them plain at best. Don't forget women tend to settle down, the "ugly guy hot wife" cliché exists for a reason.

No. 278538

I’m not questioning whether I’m straight I’m questioning whether I’m aromantic or not.
The girls I know have dated some questionable guys tbh. Like obviously they prefer good looking men but they are happy to date average men and I just don’t get it.

Like when I say I’m repulsed by men it’s not just looks, I don’t like them as people either. Yes I’m attracted to the best looking ones but I genuinely do not like men at all and I’ve never had feelings for a man. So that’s why I get confused.

No. 278541

To add, when I’ve had conversations with friends/acquaintances where we talk about what guys are attractive, they get shocked when I say I’m rarely attracted to men IRL (Tbh I don’t think I’ve ever seen a guy IRL that’s my type)
So I feel kinda abnormal because the people I know make it seem like it’s weird to be so rarely attracted to men

No. 278542

You're just blackpilled on how awful men truly are (which is inevitable by spending more than 10 minutes here) and thus have high standards, absolutely nothing wrong with that. A lot of normie women have pickme tendencies and overlook men's flaws just to secure a boyfriend, you don't have to follow their example. Maybe there's something "wrong" with you according to social conventions but you're avoiding so much trouble by not involving yourself with low value men.
FYI I'm a bit like you, I'm bi but I'm completely repulsed by men (even the hypothetical attractive ones), the only ones I like are the husbandos lol.

No. 278555

Please no bully but one time I had a coworker who I thought was really adorable and cute, she was a butch lesbian but she was like short and petite with a babyface, I guess Ellen page vibes but with a cool short haircut. She was really nice to me and made an effort to talk with me on her breaks, one time I was hungry but couldnt leave the desk and she went and got me a snack from the dining area. I never really knew if she was being flirty to me or if it was just her personality, and I tried to make sure I wasn't being flirty with her since I'm straight. Her energy was just very charming to me, and I'm a sucker for people who do shit like unironically wink at me, have that cool laid back attitude, try to make an excuse to touch me in conversation. If I was a risktaker and a very sexually open person I might have tried to experiment with her, but only if she was okay with it, which I'm pretty sure most lesbians aren't interested in entertaining curious straights.

Because of this interaction I thought I could be bi. But when I tried to imagine being with her intimately I could only be turned on by the idea of making out and her touching me. The idea of me touching her down there or either of us partaking in oral turned me off, so I guess I'm not bi.

No. 278557

Samefag but I was really turned on by the idea of her domming me and doing stuff with her hands and kissing. So I'm honestly confused why the hell I would be turned on by the fantasy of a woman doing that, but then turned off at the idea of seeing/touching her genitals. Maybe it's because I saw her more like an effeminate looking male? I do tend to be attracted to guys like that, I'm not into macho buff dudes at all

No. 278841

Can a dysfunctional family and homelife growing up cause an individual to be aromantic? Or, if aromanticy isn't real(?), cause a seemingly permanent lack of desire to get romantically involved at all?

No. 278842

anything is possible anon

No. 278846

Trauma definitely fucks up your perception of normalcy.

No. 278920

Why do I keep having dreams where I ferociously eat a pussy? I'm not really attracted to women irl.

No. 279040

i have been in a cycle of relationships with unattractive men with terrible personalities, and some that are chill but i just get bored after a few months of dating? like, i just wish we could be really good friends with no feelings between us all of a sudden. i think i really seek out Male Validation due to past trauma and shit and i also semi worry that the "love" i feel for men in the honeymoon phase is purely just really enjoying someones company, getting to cuddle. and then having to kiss them or have sex sometimes if they wanted but it always feels way more like im doing a favor for my male partner and im not really getting much out of it sexually.
im not really a sexual person, but i think reading hentai doujins ruined my view on sex, in the sense that it is so male-centered and doesnt consider the womans pleasure i guess
i feel like i could never really be close with men romantically or have those feelings towards them after the honeymoon phase ends and i feel kind of like heartless? i feel like i could only ever truly be "in love" with another woman because there's just no reality in which a man could fulfill my needs or even understand me
sorry for high rant and typos if there are any

No. 279051

Dreams don't really indicate anything ime, I've had sexual dreams about birds and dragons, kek.

No. 279232

"WLW" and the possibility of interacting with same sex genitalia is not at all normalized in our society unlike straight couplings. That you were attracted but can't work out the pussy part can go either way. Your brain may just be focused on the gender role that you're super invested in and ignoring the sex as you said, but you could also be bi. Some people require a strong connection to want to fuck and have that animal desire take over. What you are like alone with another woman in bed may surprise you… Or not. Basically it's not a cut and dry thing, most people grow up never actually being shown natural, healthy same sex scenarios where they can think of themselves in that context. It's sometimes a lack of imagination, for lack of a better word.

No. 281851

I'm confused why I have a soft spot for really short manlets, think men/boys who are less than or around 5'4" and are really boney. There was one I knew back in high school and I thought I had a crush on him most of my senior year. I haven't had that feeling toward a moid before or since. I used to dream fearing he would find me out somehow because I tried never making advances despite being friends. When I told friends of mine about this, I teared up because I thought it was kinda wrong and predatory, because having a shorter, younger boyfriend is incredibly uncommon. I'm not talking about femboys, just the type of moids who lie about their height. There's a guy I work with that has a similar bodytype, but I have no same "crush" feeling with him. Though, his bodytype makes me like him more than other guys I work with without thinking about it. Some times I feel like I’m “hyperaware” of where he is and I hate that feeling.

I thought I was straight in high school, but I'm a lesbian. Realizing that was great for my sex drive because I'm penis repulsed and vagina attracted. I'm not sexually attracted to men at all and always feared having a relationship with any of them, and that fear doesn't apply to women. But if I'm fully les, why does the bodytype of a moid subconsciously change my view of him? It shouldn't matter at all, right? Is this a common thing for lesbians? Some tomboys, (as in, that's a tag they use,) I see on Instagram scratch a similar itch but I don't tend to look at those much. I really don't believe I'm Bisexual. I'm sexually inexperienced too so maybe this is some part of myself I subconsciously try to avoid addressing, but dating a woman would fulfill my romantic desire in every way when dating a man would not.

No. 281890

Maybe you just find them endearing? Like a little creature? It doesn't have to be sexual since many people can find people not of the sex they're attracted to "cute" in a platonic way. As far as men go, they do also come off as less immediately imposing than the tall ones.

No. 282931

Just because I want to live with my best friend, have some skinship, maybe kiss her from time to time, doesn't mean I'm bi, right? I'm not sexually attracted to women, I'm sexually attracted to hot men or average men on a bad day, so I'm straight.
I've only felt this way towards her.

No. 283112

Nta but lmaooo
I once had a disturbing dream where my brother was raping me while we floated horizontally in the air. Never has anything close happened irl like that. Dreams are weird af

No. 283260

I've been pretty sure I am a lesbian for a while. I'm pretty feminine tho and I was a virgin up until recently, though.
A few weeks ago, I finally hooked up with a butch and really enjoyed going down on her (I still think about it sometimes), and being near her and making her feel good and just everything, but the second she got on top of me and trying to kiss me I just couldn't. I felt very stupid, and worried I made her feel bad. Like…. It didn't do anything for me at all, the kissing felt weird. Like fully retarded dead fish while she was on top of me. I ended up eventually getting myself off because she really wanted to make sure I finished and I wouldn't let her go down on me (I just panicked), but I don't even know if I am a lesbian now, or how to feel, because I've found it harder to experience any kind of interest or attraction since then.

No. 283726

Nonnie, do you not know about stone tops/pillow princesses? You can purely enjoy giving without receiving or vice versa, as long as the other party consents to it of course. You don't have to be comfortable with everything right away, or at all if you don't want to preform in that role.

No. 288436

I have no idea what the fuck my sexuality is.

I love and exclusively date women, and until I started questioning, I called myself a lesbian. I also have some trauma, and the idea of an irl man touching me in any way is enough to trigger a bad reaction. I appreciate women in all aspects. Personality, fashion, sex, I always have preferred women. This is real life though.

I have a big thing for anime men. I know they’re not real, which I guess is how I’m okay with exploring a little about them. I’m okay with thinking about sex with them. I’m okay with thinking about romantic relationships with them.

The thing is, I don’t know if I’m bi or not, because I would never fuck or be in a relationship with a real man. If these anime men were real, I would be disgusted by them. I can thirst over anime dick if it’s not real, but the moment that it’s attached to a real man, i get nauseous and feel disgusted.

I would only feel comfortable having a real life relationship with a woman, but I’m okay with thinking about sex with men that don’t exist. Does this count as bi? Or does the fact that I’ve only dated and plan to date women make me a lesbian?

No. 288448

The only real purpose of giving words to sexualities is to express your dating preferences. idk why you’d call yourself bi if you don’t want to date men. Also I don’t think fussing over a minor trait label as much as you seem to be is healthy.

No. 288450


It’s mostly because in lesbian circles, the second I mention an attraction to fictional men, it’s always criticized as “you’re not a real lesbia , stop invading our spaces” it makes it pretty hard to find other lesbian groups to hang out woth

No. 288464

i truly (confidently) thought i was lesbian, because ive never dated a moid, and only dated girls/tifs.
but i met a tall guy at group therapy the other day and he is kinda cute.
now i don't know what to think, because maybe part of me thinks this is a fluke because i find almost if not all moids super unattractive, so i finally meet one that isn't ugly and now my head is spinning.

No. 288465

based lesbian circles

No. 288466

This is me, but I have no doubts about being a lesbian. The only thing that makes me filter what I express is that everybody else is going to think that I'm secretly bi and I find the concept of them projecting that onto me disgusting. Why don't you think about it this way: if you were living 100 years ago and had zero exposure to fictional men like anime guys, what would you be? You'd be a lesbian.

No. 288467

If you want to touch the anime man's penis though, yeah I do think you have something to think about lol. I just want to slap an anime man's pecs around because anime women never get to be ripped in a way that doesn't make me uncomfortable due to how much it caters to male tastes.

No. 288594

Are you the anon who said you want to suck the skin off of that jojo characters penis?

No. 288595

Not a lesbian, but I want to have a sexual experience with a girl dressed as a nun.

No. 288605

I kind of understand you, I found a weird question to ask yourself when in this situation: would you be ok with interacting with his dick ? As a teen I would sometime be like that guy I have interest in because XYZ but if I would imagine him with his dick out it would turn me off so much.

No. 288611

Everyone here hates Moid. Automatically we’re all gay! Let’s fuck now

No. 288776

I can’t figure out if I am actually a lesbian or if I am bi and traumatized by men. I have only been attracted to one man. I slept with him and my situation with him was traumatic because he was cruel. I’ve also had other awful experiences with men, but I don’t really want to list every single reason. I’ve only ever been with one person, the aforementioned guy. And since we were never boyfriend-girlfriend, I’ve never had a boyfriend either. When I was in middle and high school, guys weren’t attracted to me. I assumed I was ugly. Looking back I think it’s because I am autistic so I probably gave off an autistic vibe but deep down part of me wonders if I was actually giving off a lesbian vibe (in the same way that a lot of women can tell if a guy is gay). Since then I’ve tried dating men but I am just not attracted to any of them. I don’t know if this is a trauma response or if I’m genuinely not attracted to men. But I still have an urge to be with a man. I wonder if I am just attracted to that gender role rather than actual men. Meanwhile, I do find women very attractive. But I’m too scared to try and date women and I don’t know why. I feel very confused.

No. 289046

Sorry about your difficult early experiences. It's so heartbreaking that this kind of thing happens so often. Some things to address here:
>part of me wonders if I was actually giving off a lesbian vibe
Men don't stay away from women who give off a lesbian vibe. It does not deter them. Their lack of interest in you is not because you seemed gay. You may have been unattractive to them, either visually or attitude-wise but it is not because you seemed gay.

>urge to be with a man

You are probably straight, maybe bi. Most of your post was about your complicated relationship with your attraction to men and not really about your attraction to women. Your first experience being with a man was traumatic so you're fucked in the head from that, doesn't make you not male-attracted.

If you truly do find women so attractive you can surely just ask one out. It's not hard, you're going to waste years of your life pretending to be into women and taking zero action. Do not adopt the lesbian label when you haven't faced pussy. There is almost zero chance you're gay, but you could be bi. Lesbians do not get urges to be with men. You went and slept with a man out of your own volition, you were not forced. Comphet is not real for women who have autonomy.

No. 289179

tmi and huge autism. thank you for the patience in advance.

i have never been attracted to men and despised the sex i had with them. first relationship i ever had was very abusive. the other one was a supportive and sweet man but I ended it after a month because there was zero attraction and I loathed it. I didn't want to be in either but got pressured (by myself?) to try. I severely regret both and thinking about them both really upsets and disgusts me, and sometimes those thoughts get a bit intrusive tbh.

ANYway i think i lean more towards women, but im not sure.

My biggest issue other than severe shyness around women I find attractive (and health, I have a permanent health condition I can't daydream anyone entertaining but I'm going to ignore that for my sanity rn) is that i cannot figure out how i would ever pleasure a woman. the few ways I get myself off wouldn't work well doing to someone else and I can't help but overthink how disappointing I would be for someone, I have no first hand experience and personally I cant really get off clitorally so I don't know how to get much done orally. I hated when it was done on me and I am not sure how to give correctly because I don't know what feels good there.

I don't know how any of the strapon stuff works, like I read shit online but isn't that easy to mess up? I feel like I would be cringey as shit and absolutely disappointing or frustrating to be with sexually. I feel way too old to just now be figuring anything out, someone near my age I think will be expecting some kind of experience or familiarity and I do not have it.


No. 290967

What do you all think about asexuality? Some say it is just hormonal imbalance, some say it is because of trauma and some say it really exists

No. 290975

People have different libido levels. That's all. I don't think it needs to have a specific cause but then I'm likely uninterested because I'm not asexual.

No. 290976

I just want to say that reasons like "hormonal imbalance" and "trauma" are what people have used to describe homosexuals.

No. 291099

yeah but asexuals don't get beaten or kicked out for their lack of sexuality

No. 291490

That is true. I'm just saying that using those arguments to prove asexuality is nonexistent is flawed.

No. 293415

I don't know if porn rotted my brain but I hate how I can only feel sexually attracted to dick and getting fucked by one even though I find men extremely ugly (their faces, bodies, mannerisms, personality, everything) and have no interest in being in a romantic relationship with one. Every time I picture myself being affectionate with a man… I just can't, I feel nothing. It's fucking with my sense of identity because:
>I relate more to women
>all my crushes growing up had been girls (though I don't know if that was just a "friend crush")
>all my past relationships had been with women and it was so easy and natural to be affectionate and even sexual with them (though these had all been online, so I can't tell if what I had felt was actually real)
>I exclusively consume lesbian romance media and yuri
>I'm a virgin and never been physically intimate with anyone before
>Low sex drive and I can't just find someone sexually attractive unless I'm emotionally invested in them

I had been identifying as bi but it feels like functionally, I am a lesbian. But I feel like an imposter/invader being in a lesbian space and talking to other lesbians when I'm not truly a lesbian.

No. 293433

When you think of penis do you think of it being attached to a man or do you see it like just a sensation?Like you'd like for an object to go in and out? Because im a lesbian who passed by this post and I like penetration. But I never once thought of having a penis inside me. In hentai I have read some futa porn or when girls grow penisis only to impregnate the other girl but that is just fantasy and im not attracted to trans or want a man. I am also not attracted to someone unless I am emotionally invested with them, but that sexual attraction is for only women. I am close to males such as brothers and uncles and even gay males but that's about it.

No. 293464

>do you see it like just a sensation?Like you'd like for an object to go in and out?
Actually yeah, that's the best way for me to describe it. I just like the feeling of fullness, even though I've never actually experienced it or played with toys. I look at het porn when I have urges but I just feel disgusted after I watch it and also I don't like futa or trans porn. I've been trying to curb my porn addiction because I'm sure it's one of the factors that's confusing my sexuality.

No. 293465

Another lesbian who likes penetration passing by.
>do you think of it being attached to a man or do you see it like just a sensation? Like you'd like for an object to go in and out?
This is such a helpful way to put it. I am not attracted to men but it would be stupid to deny that the phallus is perfectly designed for penetration. That's what the strap is made to mimic. Except in my perfect fantasy it isn't just an unfeeling object, and the top is essentially a bepenised woman detachable as well I hope because I value mutual pleasure and that's so frustratingly difficult in lesbian sex. Wake me up when they've invented real futanari.
So anyway >>293415 if this sounds familiar at all you're a completely normal lesbian.

No. 293488

I wish I didn't find heterosexual sex repulsive. For many years I thought I could probably talk myself into enjoying it, but after almost having to do it I haven't recovered from being disgusted by it even in theory. It just isn't for me. After cooling off from porn I'm not even that into the idea of torturing/beating a man anymore, which would be the extent to which I could go with it. Even pegging has lost its intrigue.

Anyway it's only pressing because I think I can still get crushes on men and love them. They can be cute, but even kissing just doesn't do it for me. All I want with them is a partnership with no kissing, but the feeling is definitely above friendship and neither of us have sex with anyone (including each other).

Idk. It really feels like I'm getting nothing out of being bisexual. Bisexual for no reason. This is mostly fine because my love (and lust) for women is immense, but I do still feel insane. My black-and-white brain hates this existence.

Not sure what answer I'm looking for here. Perhaps kinship.

No. 293524

Lately I’ve started getting butterflies from pretty women in public and started fantasizing about pretty women that I see. I think I’m bi but I need to probably go on a date or something to confirm it. Do any bi farmers have experience with this? I’m kinda wary of going on a date because 1) dating apps for women seeking women are full of troons and 2) lesbians probably won’t be into a bi curious woman who isn’t sure of her sexuality. I’m also super touch starved and would probably hook up on the first date bc I’m trash and biased towards trusting women.

No. 293527

>lesbians probably won’t be into a bi curious woman who isn’t sure of her sexuality
It's not really the "not sure of sexuality" part that would bother me, but the idea of hooking up with someone who isn't attracted to me isn't great and I've had to stop several encounters because I noticed she wasn't really into it. It's also kinda scary that they didn't speak up themselves and someone else maybe would've just kept going.

No. 293531

not to be that person but with so many bi-curious women around why not just hook up with another bi-curious woman? shouldn't you be more understanding of each other since you're into more similar situations?

No. 293532

Probably too cowardly to have an encounter where she's not just being serviced by someone who knows what she's doing the entire time. So many "looking for my first encounter" bisexuals are unwilling to just get with someone in the same boat as themselves. I wonder if gay men have bicurious men on their dating apps with requests to "show how to suck dick" because lesbian apps are flooded with that bullshit. Just go on a date and put your face up to it wtf.

No. 293534

>I’m also super touch starved and would probably hook up on the first date bc I’m trash and biased towards trusting women.
You don't need a date, you need self esteem, impulse control, and healthy boundaries. Work on that first before you inflict yourself upon another woman.

No. 293535

NTA and I wouldn't describe myself as bicurious but more like a bi turbo virgin, and I'd actually feel more comfortable hooking up with another bi woman. The problem is where to find them.

No. 293536

using the term sapphic makes you sound like a troon, jsyk

No. 293537

Actually I’m super self conscious about “using” someone as well, you’re assuming a lot there. I feel bad about that. But as for a bi curious woman I’m really skeptical with the number of women who claim to be bi but really are just over men and was scared of the same thing happening as that anon said where a woman isn’t into me kek, I would prefer a woman who is actually capable of attraction to women. I know I’m sexually attracted to women but I don’t know if I am romantically because of inexperience. I’ve had crushes on women but never had it develop into anything obviously. My view is that a connection with women would be deeper and completely different than the relationships I’ve had with men if that makes sense so it feels like something you have to try. I’ve had crushes on women I met irl but I don’t know how to try and hit on them unless they’re obviously lesbian with butch vibes (which I’m still very much attracted to, just saying).
Thanks everyone for responding btw, I don’t want to use anyone and would be very upfront about my situation just fyi. If anything I would at least try to bring something to the table for the woman to have a good time at least if the relationship doesn’t work out.

No. 293539

>replying to a 2 year post

No. 293541

Nobody cares how bad you feel, that you seek out lesbians instead of women like yourself is shitty.

No. 293542

and sadly way too many bi and questioning women think like this which creates a self-fulfilling prophecy.

No. 293547

And I'm probably horrible for enabling it, but if I found a farmer on Tinder or irl, I'd totally hook up with her. Even if she's just bicurious, if it wouldn't workout, we'd at least have enough to talk about and I wouldn't have to hide the manhate.

No. 293548

File: 1665503245317.gif (2.89 MB, 177x177, 745401BB-0F8F-4937-9AD2-AC3E7D…)

You believe in the split attraction model?

No. 293559

Do you think you are the only real bi snowflake? Just go for it, when dating women there is a higher chance of getting rejected anyway. Does it matter if it is because she is not actually that into women or that into YOU?

No. 293562

No? I dont but I don’t want to be with someone who isn’t attracted to women to begin with. It makes everything more confusing. Tbh most of the replies I got were seriously hostile; I apologize as I didn’t mean to word everything wrong. I do want to date bisexual women too, just not women who aren’t interested in me. I am trying to be as respectful as possible (even now) and came to consult here before doing anything that may potentially upset someone or be wrong. I don’t know how the fuck I’m supposed to figure out my sexuality and have a decent relationship if I just date straights who are on their “KAM women are pretty” shit. I guess you’re all putting me into that category even though I haven’t elaborated on my own attraction to women. I only talked about being physically attracted to them because I have not been able to have an emotional relationship with one yet but I assume it goes deeper than a relationship with a male.

No. 293564

Sorry I’ve been having horny thoughts lately but yeah the idea of being with a woman in a relationship never occurred to me because I was too ashamed of it. I think I’m pretty sure that I’m bi, I’ll just try dating a bi woman and see where it goes. I didn’t mean to imply that I’d exclusively date lesbians. My sister who is a lesbian encouraged me to try dating women to see if I like it but I’m too scared to be bi openly. I know it sounds dumb but I was always ashamed of my feelings for girls and seeking out lesbians in fiction, thinking that my parents would catch me and put 2 and 2 together and think I’m a sexual degenerate (as a child).

No. 293567

TBH I feel like anons here are strangely on the edge about this and really quick to blame someone of being a straight experimenter who's just using other women. While I see where they're coming from, it's making me nervous of being thought of as a fakebi if I try to date women. I'd say just stop worrying about labels and focus on what you find attractive. That helped me at least. I'm attracted to women, I'd like to date one, so I'll seek out relationships with women. Simple as.

No. 293569

i didn't mean to be hostile, i just think as a bi woman it's sad that so many bi women have a "not like other bi women" complex and refuse to associate with other bi women because they assume any other bisexual woman must be a faker or less than Kinsey 3. Like I said, there is this self-fulfilling prophecy going on that bi women don't date other bi women because they assume all the other bi women are Kinsey 1s or 2s and unwilling to commit to women, and since lesbians are generally less interested in dating bi women (honestly certain bisexuals' insistence for lesbians over other bi women is also a factor) that means they have no other option but to date men. and there's also the bi women who really do not date men and and up calling themselves lesbians because all the bi-identified women around them only date men, and since there are many lesbian-identified bisexuals "lesbians with exceptions" are considered normal and common which only creates more lesbian-identified Kinsey 4s and 5s. Overall this is harmful and makes it all confusing and alienating for both lesbians and bisexuals.

No. 293570

>Does it matter if it is because she is not actually that into women or that into YOU?
Nonna you know damn well there is a difference. Being vulnerable and having sex with someone, just for them to be repulsed by your entire being, sucks. It's different from regular rejection which usually happens before you're in bed together. And they won't even voice it, they'll treat you like a scrote and attempt to lie back and think of England. It makes you feel like a rapist for ending up in bed with her, even if you stopped the encounter yourself so she can't rape herself with you.

No. 293571

Ah sorry, see I don’t know any of this at all tbh but I assumed that it must be really rough for lesbians given how everyone responded. I appreciate you explaining because now I understand why everyone is so skeptical. I’m sorry if I seemed like I was seeking out lesbians specifically. I just don’t wanna have a situation like >>293570 because I actually want to eat pussy and be intimate with women but just have never had romantic relationships with them. I would hate to end up in that situation as that anon described, it sounds horrible and traumatic for women to go through.

No. 293572

Thanks for explaining, I appreciate someone who can relate. Do you use apps to meet women or have any suggestion of which app would be best to avoid? I already plan to swipe left on all troons kek

No. 293574

So isn't the obvious solution to avoid jumping into bed with strangers? You talk as if your only option is hooking up, or like the sex is what will determine if you can be intimate with women. You call yourself trash and can't trust yourself not to have sex with the first person to give you positive attention? And you want to go on a dating app? That's just a recipe for disaster. Why don't you just have some patience and try to meet women naturally, the same way you'd try to meet a man? Join hobbyist groups like yoga or reading or tabletop games. Volunteer. Strike up a conversation with the woman ahead of you in line. Literally anything but going on a dating app because you're desperate for intimacy and want to take the quickest route to get there. Nothing wrong with craving love or closeness. Nothing wrong with wanting new experiences to better understand yourself. But you don't have to rush.

No. 293575

Sadly no, I'm getting pessimistic about apps since they're full of troons, and I feel uncomfortable about putting my face out there anyway. I'm planning going to check out a couple gay bars and maybe a "women only" party if one is arranged near me (in quotation marks because there will be troons). I suck at socializing but that makes me really good at grayrocking, which I plan to do to all troons.

No. 293576

Yeah it was kinda traumatic and fuelled my internalized lesbophobia, but I don't hold that against actual bi women. I did at one point, but I've had some really good febfem friends.
NTA, but you really think it's that easy to find a SSA woman in line at the shop? I'd feel like a scrote harassing strangers.

No. 293579

You literally zero'd in on the one hyperbolic line in my post to discredit everything I said and completely miss the point. What if I said youre encouraging OP to go out and rape bicurious women she met on dating apps, which is even worse than "harassing strangers" in public? God no one in this thread gets laid. I hate all of you.

No. 293581

Thanks anon your advice is probably true. I think I just wanna try meeting bi/lesbian women and hearing more about their experiences. I am happy to make friends too and meet people, get new experiences. Your suggestion is good but it’s hard to discern if women are SSA as another anon said unless they’re very obvious about it.
I’m just gonna pretend to be a turbo normie and write no Y chromosome on there like it’s a joke. Maybe I’ll get reported who knows.

No. 293583

>the one hyperbolic line in my post to discredit everything I said and completely miss the point.
Jeez, chill, I didn't do that? Did I say your whole post is bullshit? You're just making it sound like it's easy to find other SSA women in random places and that there's no danger involved with chatting up strangers like that. Not everyone lives in a big liberal city. Good for you that you're tripping over SSA women left and right, but that's not a viable strategy for everyone.
>What if I said youre encouraging OP to go out and rape bicurious women she met on dating apps
it would be retarded because I literally shared how fucked up it is. How am I encouraging that when she herself said it sounds traumatic?

No. 293586

samefag to add I met those bicurious women irl before apps were popular, I have afaik only met one other lesbian and one bi woman irl w/o the help of the internet. While being involved in theater, music, three different sports, the gym, volunteering, D&D etc. Lots of bicurious women (the time of "bi" emos and "I kissed a girl and I liked it), but actual SSA women? EXTREMELY RARE. Going all the way to "queer" events in the big city (since lesbian events are extinct)? Spicy straights galore who are upset I'm not a spicy straight too. The fuck are you all at where it's apparently so easy that any critique or questioning of your method you interpret as the equivalent of encouraging rape?

No. 293619

I'm bi and still kind of afraid to be open about it. I know someone who has a keychain of the bi pride flag, is there really any benefit to having that? I guess I'm kind of scared of a guy seeing that and thinking I'll have a threesome or that I'm a secret slut because I'm also into women.
So do the benefits outweigh the costs? It's probably worth mentioning that I appear super straight and get read as such by women that I am very much interested in.

No. 293674

It's totally fine to have a bi flag. As a lesbian I like being able to tell who's on our team.

No. 293717

nonnies please explain
>consider myself heterosexual
>find the idea of being with a woman sexually a huge turn off
>still blush and get nervous around butch women
i will never be one of those ladies and call myself bi but i don't know why i act all teehee uwu around butch women

No. 293758

It's because they're handsome, of course.
No need to be gay, just have eyes.

No. 293793

lmao thank you nonnie
I think I was just overthinking it because I don't get this way with men besides my Nigel because I think 99.999% of moids are hideous or boring. like most of them are so butt fucking ugly and generic

No. 293909

I find men's personalities usually more attractive, not all of course but I have never found a womans' personality 'attractive' (I do have deep respect and love for a few of course but I don't easily fall in love with them). Despite this I cannot stand the idea of having sex with a man. I was groomed as a child which probably has much to do with it but it horrifies me and I find men generally disgusting. The idea of sex with a woman sounds appealing to me though, and though I'm rarely horny when I am I read lesbian porn. I love watching lesbian couple videos on youtube too, as well as boyfriend tag type videos when that was still a thing. I feel very confused, can someone please armchair for me or at least give some advice? I'm not attracted to women but wouldn't hesitate to have sex with them and think they're attractive (way more than moids). Men are the ones I'm usually attracted to but the idea of sex with them is horrifying, I just don't want to experience it, ever. Am I bi, straight, a big ol' lesbian or what? I'm also still a virgin so fear might have something to do with it.

No. 293936

What is it about women's personalities that you find less attractive than men's?

No. 293987

I've only ever had female friends so in my mind if a woman is nice to she's a friend in my mind. The only time scrotes are ever nice is if they like you and/or want something else. I've only been in 2 relationships where the other person treated me like shit plus the grooming 'relationship'. I guess I can't fall in love with nice people kek. In my mind anyone who's nice to me is a friend and anyone who's attractive but a douche, I can't get them so I can't stop thinking about them.

No. 293988

This sounds more like trauma and attachment difficulties than a sexuality thing anon, but I feel you in that the lines are certainly very blurry.

No. 293992

Thanks nonna. Men I find physically good looking but the idea of sex grosses me out, with women it doesn't. I have a boyfriend right now but I don't know if I'm in love with him because we were friends for a long time before and he actually is nice, so in my mind he's still a good friend and not a lover because he actually treats me well. I can still barely imagine being more intimate than kissing. Guess time will figure it out.

No. 293998

Does your bf know you feel this way? Seems like a raw deal for him and I say that as a misandrist. My general 2 cents is to never be in a relationship with someone you don't feel visceral, magnetic sexual attraction to. Split attraction isn't real, btw. Your past trauma complicates it but it's not split attraction.

No. 294002

I don't have sexual trauma, but I used to not want to have sex with men because I thought I would be forced into doing PIV or giving blowjobs. Once I learned that there are actually men out there who don't want to do these things and would prefer to give me pleasure instead, it almost unlocked an raging torrent of lust for men. Maybe you don't want sex with men because you worry you might be coerced in some way?

No. 294003

We have been together for 2 weeks (kek), I'm going to tell him next time we see each other because it's not fair to him. It's the reason this has been on my mind, I almost never think about sex but I suppose he does (he hasn't addressed it yet but he's a man). I don't want to hide it from him and tell him after months of being together because I really do like him. Honestly I mostly feel aroused by women in pictures and such, sometimes I find men (like celebrities) hot so I don't know. I didn't know split attraction was a thing before you said it but it sounds like a croc of shit indeed. I don't want to make this more complicated than it has to be, I'm just scared of intimacy and need to get over that before deciding if I'm straight, bi or lesbian.

Thanks nonna, I think the power dynamic has much to with it (scared of someone having power over me etc etc) but once a friend accidentally touched my lower stomach or something and I jumped up even though it was an accident. I think I'm just really scared to give someone else power/autonomy over my body.

No. 294015

Is there such a thing as being straight but wanting to eat pussy?

No. 294020

No. 294031

You come across as a good person honestly. You have a sound head on your shoulders, keep leaning on your sense to guide you. Best of luck out there nonna.

No. 294080

have had 6 previous relationships with men, and ended all but one after realizing i did not like them - typically after having sex with them and becoming repulsed by them. figured it was a "men aren't great at pleasing women" type thing but one friend asked me that after 6 times shouldnt it have clicked by now? havent thought much of having sex with women before, but recently had my first actual sex dream between a previous female coworker and ive never had a sex dream with a man before. ive hopped between labels before and after getting frustrated with the confusion of trying to really fit that label, ive since decided to not use labels and just like who i like in the moment. i still get excited by male validation and i still develop male crushes for sure, but its like i hate it the moment it becomes real. i also know ive had crushes on women before as well and had the same kind of butterflies when interacting with them like the guy crushes. cant decide if it's just misandry, self sabotage, not actually being attracted to men, being socialized to like male validation, or what. kind of just venting, this has been a long time build up that resurfaces every once in a while but im always busier doing other things than figuring it out lmao maybe im avoiding my problems though. plus my friends hate hearing about it they just tell me just have sex with a woman, and i know it can be easy like that but im an anxious and insecure person tbh and i dont find it that easy - ive also just moved back in with my parents which is hopefully a temporary situation but they live in a small town in texas so its not the best or largest dating pool anyway.
sorry for blog post, i recently watched but im a cheerleader (kek) and all this is resurfacing again.

No. 294081

You might want to look into attachment theory as well as start experimenting with women. Feeling repulsed by someone you had feelings for once they reciprocate can be a sign of an insecure attachment style. I know it’s scary to try and branch out to women but actually trying to form a relationship with one could also help tell you if it’s just not being attracted to men or an attachment style issue. Or both. Good luck nonna. Also I love that movie.

No. 294086

Thank you nonna that is very sweet ♥ Sage for huge blogpost, we saw each other this evening and I told him about my previous experiences and that's why I can seem distant, he did listen but I don't think he fully understands how much of an impact it still has. He is a good guy, really, I can't see him doing anything I say no to so I'm giving it a chance. He is pretty touchy and cuddly, his arm around me makes me feel safe but the kisses and 'I love you's are just a bit weird and gross to me. I feel like he talked over my story a little bit and doesn't see how much impact it still has on me. I hope I can explain it to him better in the future or he will understand it more, he says sweet things like I'm pretty and when I suggested to do activity X he said 'I don't know much about it but if it's with you I know I'll enjoy it'. It is very sweet but makes me deeply uncomfortable because my past relationships were love-bombing and then calling me names after a month or two. I told him this but he is very caught up in our relationship (honeymoon phase) and I feel pretty bad about how much of a cynic I am when it comes to romantic relationships. I told him I like and appreciate him very much but I can not say I love him yet because it's too short of a time for me to say that. I take this relationship seriously because I truly see a future in us (we have much in common and 'fill each other' at the points we are both not so good at). He is a sweetheart but never had a girlfriend before so I think because it's his first relationship he thinks nothing could ever break us apart, I think it's very cute on one hand but I feel uncomfortable by how different we see love. He sees it as an emotion like joy, sadness and whatever whereas I see it as something that has to grow and for me it takes me a minimum of a year to wholeheartedly say I love someone, let alone be intimate on a different level. There is one person in my life who is not blood-related who I can truly say I love (my best friend I've known since I was 14). He is a sweetheart and we are compatible in many ways but I feel slightly uncomfortable by how in love he is with me and kind of bad about how cynical I am towards relationships and love. He is really in love and by comparison I am very disinterested because I believe you can't truly love someone until you've known them for a long time and know every part of them, both good and bad. Anyway I'll shut up since this is the sexuality thread, just wanted to give an update since so many nonna's responded.

No. 294234

If 95% of my sex dreams were with women, does that mean I might be bi? I've only been with men, either in relationships or sex. I don't watch porn.

No. 294240

how the fuck do you KNOW you're attracted to women? i feel like i know i'm attracted to men because it was the default attraction (so that's what i sought out) and i like the men i've dated, but whenever i see butch women i get this deep unrelenting sexual tension and frustration but i never do anything about it.
i'm autistic and i want to chalk it up to just not being able to identify attraction to women but i can identify it so easily when i'm attracted to men that i don't even know if i like women at all. but even saying that doesn't sound right because when i tell myself "okay, you're just a spicy straight" i still get that aimless butterfly feeling when i see butch women. what the fuck is wrong with me

No. 294271

Nonna I read your reply and never replied.
Sage for blogpost but tl;dr definitely a lesbian, just a top. I feel a bit retarded but a lot of my "kweer & spicy straight" friends constantly called me a bottom as a joke for so long that I just assumed I must be (Also finding out from an additional experience that she was just… Really bad)
I have a nice date with a girl I've been interested in for a while soon.
Deleted and reposted, messed up my sage

No. 294273

Dreams alone don't really mean much imo, I've had sexual dreams about people I was not attracted to at all in my day to day life. But if you're still attracted to women in your waking life after looking back on those dreams then you might be bi, you can still be attracted to women even if you haven't dated any (yet.)

No. 294316

Personally, I knew because I would get very aroused by breasts in my early teens and would get off to imagining women in sexual scenarios. EZ. (Or so it would seem, I was still in denial for years somehow)
If you're not a horndog it may be more difficult. But you say sexual tension, so if you want to eat her out or something I'd say that's pretty clear.

No. 301074

I'm exclusively attracted to women but only when I'm high. I have a high sex drive and when sober i'm driven to love dick, but when high I just want a woman to hold and eat out. I'm thinking it'll just never happen and means nothing since it's always so short lived, one evening. Not sure what that means, probably nothing.

No. 301631

I'm late but based posts nonny. I know the lesbian thread is leaking now but I'm unironically triggered by the people who give lesbians the same retarded advice they would give lonely men i.e. "just talk to the girl at the shop and meet people!" like it worked for anyone ever and didn't make you seem like a creep, but it's extra offensive when they tell you to just "join clubs and hobbies" as if SSA women were a plentiful resource found just as often as straight women for men looking for their company. I have plenty of life-long gay-friendly hobbies yet I've met maybe 10 actually SSA women in my entire lifespan who weren't just spicy straights or male-repulsed polilezzies and the majority of them had a long-term relationship already. If anon wants to experiment then the best way is to just jump right in to see how she feels instead of waiting for possibly years to come across in the wild.

No. 301637

Nta and I agree, I can barely count on two hands the number of SSA women I've met (most of them in college) while I've constantly come across gay men no matter what kind of job or environment I was in. I consider myself febfem but to this day I still have no idea how to meet other women, especially with troonery leaking everywhere.

No. 301720

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So I’ve been questioning my speciality for a few years after I broke up with my last boyfriend and never really had the urge to date again. Nothing has really changed but I guess I was left with a void in my sex life which I mostly ignored. Once in a while I’d masturbate purely out of function, I didn’t even imagine anything. I knew I couldn’t be asexual because I did have a sex drive plus asexuals are fake and gay. Then I wondered, maybe Im a lesbian? I started imagining women romantically, which was surprisingly easy, but every time I imagined sex I was turned off because my autism/ocd really makes me hate bodily fluids. Vaginas are too wet for me to be a lesbian.
So I started imagining what I liked in the before-time, my childhood, when I imagined crushes without a problem. I remembered liking a few boys but they were literal children at the time so obviously it wasn’t going to happen and I felt like a creep. Then I remembered having the biggest crush on SpongeBob and I told myself, ok I might as well try to see if there’s still a spark there. I didn’t know what to do at first so I just decided to imagine myself and self insert with him romantically. I didn’t want to feel like an easy hoe so I “courted” him on imaginary dates over the course of a few days. This was also to see if I felt the spark I’ve been looking for. Well, long story short I definitely hit it off with SpongeBob. The fantasies became sexual and it’s been a few months going strong. There’s a lot of things I love about him and I’m really enjoying my time, I could gush but I don’t think this is the appropriate place (And before anyone asks “but SpongeBob is wet what about your OCD?” You should know that the physics of water in SpongeBob are similar to that of air on land, so it really doesn’t matter).
I guess what I’m trying to say is questioning being a lesbian made me rekindle and an old fling with SpongeBob.

No. 301723

But how would the sex work

No. 301734

Weirdly wholesome. I support you and your based new BF.

He has a lot of holes, I'm sure nonny would get creative with that.

No. 301778

Steven Hillenburg would be so proud