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Interesting thread. I've been questioning for a long time. I was never attracted to any of the men I dated and was basically just dating them out of loneliness/mild intrigue. Have dated about 5 different men who I got along with reasonably well but have never fucked any of them because they repulsed me.
Not sure if repulsion to men = attraction women but I went on a few dates with women before the 'rona situation started and found them infinitely more pleasant but wasn't yearning to go down on them or anything. For reference I'm 24 and still a virgin. I haven't figured this out entirely but I've been wondering if I may be a lesbian with an extremely low sex drive. I'm confused though because I do find fictional anime men cute (the twinky ones) though I think this is because they resemble soft butch women which tend to be my preference IRL.
I'm confused as absolutely heck, but I think I might be a biromantic with low libido.
Growing up, I only had crushes on boys. But as I grew a bit older (teens) I started to get crushes on girls as well. I'm late 20s now and never feel turned on when I see a naked dude I don't know, never happened ever. However, I often get instantly turned on when I see a beautiful naked woman. Is this normal for straight girls? I've only been sexually attracted to 3 guys, and that was after I had already fallen in love with them.
Despite all this, I don't really picture myself having sex with a woman. I'm not into receiving oral sex at all, neither from a man nor from a woman. And I guess that would be a big part of it. Giving oral sex to a woman seems fine, but it doesn't really turn me on. When I think about a woman, I usually just picture fondling and kissing. I also have a lot of romantic thoughts such as hugging, holding hands and so on, when I see cute women. Never happens with men I don't know.
What's going on here? Can anyone relate to any of this?
Checking in a a gay person who realized she is gay a little too late in life. Maybe I can help some folks. First thing you absolutely must check is comphet, like NOW.>>153248
If you're a virgin it's hard to say if you're low libido or ace or gay forsure. Being a virgin usually comes with unresolved anxiety regarding intimacy, lack of comfort with physical contact in general, not knowing your own kinks or preferences, etc. It's a lot easier to tell once you've had some experiences and can look back at them critically. When 'rona is done I encourage you to try and get laid.
In fact, tons of low libido claims in the thread already. Tons of people saying they don't picture themselves having sex w a woman. Well, you grew up indoctrinated by heteronormativity, not having the internal fantasy of fucking a woman is par for the course. Sometimes intimacy comes with time, you ease in either by experiencing it or starting to consume media that normalizes things other than being straight. It will speak to you or not, but it not speaking to you right off the bat is not a sure way to know.
Before I realized I'm gay I never had fantasies about women, just sort of fixations perhaps and a coldness towards men. Comphet research flipped a switch that began my journey. It took many interactions with women, with the knowledge that I could
be with one if I gave it the chance I'd given to men before. Over time, my fantasies shifted. I should say, I never really fantasized about men sexually anwyay. My daydreams would cut-to-black so to speak, I only thought about dating men and even then it wasn't sexually charged. But since I didn't know women could be in the place of men, I wasn't readily able to fantasize about them either. It came with time and consideration of alternatives. Hope that made sense.>>153277>physical attraction to men>but don't want penis inside>also dont like giving head to penises>like penetration but not by a penis
What do you think that means bud.
It's not possible to be straight or gay if you're not into their genitals in some way. If you have zero appreciation for the way that orientation has sex then youre not that orientation. More people also need to consider if they're asexual. I suspect far more people are ace than we currently acknowledge.
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Im at a weird crossroads, while sex (with both men and women) seems fun in concept, everytime i had any sexual relationship it just sucked ass (and not because my partners were bad in bed), i had partners of both genders but no matter how into it and aroused i was before during sex my brain goes "ok literally anything would be more pleasurable than this" its just, neutral.
To the point one time was so underwhelming i just got up and went to have cereal in the kitchen, i just left my then bf there.
I don't even have any sexual trauma that would make sex just not feel pleasurable and im pretty comfortable with being attracted to both sexes.
Also masturbation doesn't give me any pleasure, at all, touching my bits feels just like touching my mouth.
I don't know if there's something wrong with my physically or if im the fabled asexual.
Sounds pretty ace to me, I hope your questioning leads to fruitful answers.
I know my anxiety sometimes manifests as sexual repugnancy or bodily dissociation, but I know that when it's good it's really good, and that sounds like it's not the case for you.
Are there sensual things you really enjoy and look forward to without a partner, like hot baths /exercising /massage /clean bedsheets?
why can’t you imagine dating one?
i think i’m similar but i wouldn’t say it’s off the table for me, i just don’t know what a relationship with a woman would look like or what i would do with her body. and i’m afraid of being judged which holds me back as well.
when it comes to sex i’m terrified in general of messing up my first time or it being bad/disappointing or too awkward
Asexual imo, totally normal. Wear that black ring if you wanna signal your asexuality and go to some meetups imo if you wanna meet other aces and never have to deal with sex again. The fact that you don't even like masturbation is the main standout for me. If it feels like you're touching any other body part then that's a pretty big signifier combined with your disinterest in sex.>>153306
It'll probably be a bit awkward but if your partner is actually into you as a person they'll find it endearing. When you love someone (or just really like them) you don't think "wow what a retard" when they fumble while they're new to something.
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It took me years of overcompensation and repression to realize I'm 90/10 bi preferring women, and the cope has been wild so I'll share some for questioning ladies who may act similarly:
>repulsed by idea of being penetrated
>only was into femboys, slowly trained myself through masturbation to be okay with small normal men
>in my fantasies, men would sound like women and sometimes have vaginas
>would have to fantasize about women to get turned on, then switch to men while finishing to make myself more hetero
>be very loud and OTT about loving men, made it a personality trait and would aggressively pursue men then reject the ones who reciprocated
That 10% hetero really worked its hardest to keep me in denial for years. It took more effort to bury my attraction to women than it would to find a gf kek.
Which was another layer! I felt as if having a female life partner was impossible. But following some lesbians across social media has helped that a lot. Like…I can do this. I can have a wife.
Don't know why that anon said you're hetero, sounds like you're bi with a preference, like most bi people.
Comphet is more like this >>153331
. When your behavior and feelings suggest a strong preference for women, but you can't imagine disqualifying men completely because of cultural pressure.
If you enjoy fucking individual women as much as you enjoy fucking individual men then yeah you're bi. If you haven't slept with both men and women yet maybe you don't know.
shit, are you me? I feel the exact same, said something similar in another thread and a kind anon clued me in to the potential of being ace.
sex is boring and gross, I'd rather just have a lifelong best mate
Most of us live in cultures that don't literally force you to sleep with men, like in the past. This is not how depression works, depression doesn't change your orientation. Actual lesbians with internalized homophobia are often chaste (I also knew self-hating gay men who were chaste, they didn't fuck women). Depressed lesbians don't self harm through sex with men, this is specifically a bi and het women's behavior. Lesbians can self harm throguh drinking, cutting, abusive
sex with other women or simply repressing themselves and being chaste, not through sleeping with men. Like, sleeping with a man is not something that just "happens" to you (I'm not talking about rape, obviously). Talking to a man, finding a private place, getting naked, letting him inside of you, finishing and then repeating that process. This is more than one-step operation, but women act like it's catching a cold or something, like they literally can't help it.>>153431
No? They're not lying about their identity for extra points, they're just febfems.
I don't know why the process of people figuring out their sexuality makes you so upset.
I know several lesbians who were convinced they were wrong and broken for not enjoying sex with men. If you are raised with heteronormativity why would you not think that? They didn't know loving and having sex with women was an option.
>Feeling pressure and fucking men is not the same thing
They were under INTERNAL pressure because of INTERNALISED homophobia from EXTERNAL sources. There always have been and always will be gays and lesbians with experience with the opposite sex. I don't know why you're acting like you don't understand this. Congratulations for always having been extremely sure of who you are I guess, but don't act like you've never struggled with internalised homophobia.
Also worrying about someone's sexual history is honestly such a male thing to do.
Growing up I've always had strong crushes on boys but I felt I needed a crush always, and knew they were not that attractive. It was more like "he pays attention to me" and listening to love songs lol
Then I was in a relationship and tried having sex with one. I lost attraction to him the closer we got physically. It was exciting to kiss him but beyond that I couldn't come and felt uncomfortable most of the time. His body wasn't attractive to me much but I tried to convince myself since I was that far. He suggested I could be asexual (lol) but I know it's not that, thought maybe it was being on medication but like… I still had a drive, it was just a chore to do with him.
Thing is, theoretically I find men's bodies and penises attractive. In my fantasies it's usually men, male fictional characters are sexy, maybe the RARE celebrity. Although growing up I felt baffled by the shirtless posters of male celebs, I still don't find any of the popular ones very attractive. I used to say "I can see why they're conventionally hot, but I feel nothing"
Still, I have those fantasies, but real life men are mostly not appealing at all. When I tried to watch male porn I felt weird, because it was a real man out there somewhere. Gave a feeling of distaste and discomfort to see anything too identifying as someone idk how to explain it. Especially their faces.
Meanwhile back when I first discovered porn, I was so aroused by the women's faces I specifically sought "O-face" gifs and all. I watched them primarily in the gifs at first. videos of them moaning. I did feel uncomfortable when they interacted a lot with their vaginas, I think it's because I've been really unfamiliar with mine for years and only touch outside of my underwear. But the overall rest is good
Anyway…all that said, most of my fantasies are men. I've never been with a woman. I have fantasized about them before and it gets me off just fine, but I typically default to male. Maybe it's because I read so much slash fic back in the day rest in fucking peace. Nowadays it kind of unsettles me to read because I don't have those parts.
So yeah. And I've liked girls before, when I did I idolized them as perfect angels who I'm unworthy of. I idolized male crushes too but not as me being unworthy or in the same idealized way. I was jealous though and insecure with them to a bad degree. However the strength of that obsession makes me suppose I like guys beyond comphet at least? Or was I just insecure?
Anyway. At this point, with more confidence in myself, I can say I don't exactly desire to date a man ever again, unless something changes. My standards are too specific and most of them make me uncomfortable. I would like to be with a woman for once, but I'm scared to lead her on as a "questioning bisexual"
I assume I'm bi, even thought I leaned straight due to my history, but we all have to deal with that question "how much was comphet" and how I genuinely like so few irl men. Wtf. I feel like with porn I was initially fixated on women, but forced myself to focus on the men- or was that just normal developing heterosexuality as a teen? My fucking brain. sorry for length.
Oh my god shut up. You have no idea what other lesbians go through or the pressure some of us are in. I felt NOTHING for boys while i had dreams about my girl friends and still did not accept it because i was a kid and i was supposed to like boys. I picked some random dude at 12 to date because i thought it was what i was supposed to do since all the girls were dating and talking abt boys, i wanted to throw up so hard after he kissed me but i STILL went on and tried to force myself to like men and have "crushes" on them for years. I kept thinking this is how it is because some women just have low sex drives and willingly say their bfs are ugly but nice, i thought i would be like that, i hoped and i tried my best to be like that until i just broke down close to 18.
I'm not bi, i don't want anything to do with men, if i was fucking bi i wouldnt still be in the closet to this day waiting to leave an homophobic home and country.>>153434
So they can self harm by doing everything but one thing that causes them psychological damage. Fucking wild take.
And yeah smoothbrain its not a single step thing, its something we do because we are desperate to feel like we can enjoy it, we can be straight, we can be normal. Being gay is earth shattering for some and comes with losing family, friends and all life plans. Thats why so many look into conversion therapy too.
i have sex issues on the other extreme in that im a sex addict and subconciously look for validation through sex with men, i can only orgasm in one position and its still not really my perogative in having sex (i'd probably be a mess with lesbian sex because ive been taught to be performative for men instead of valuing my own pleasure)
but i've long accepted that and now i dont think it matters who i date, i just really value women and dont wanna put my issues on them. men however can deal with my shit, fuck em
Cope. It really looks like people here don't even know where the "comphet theory" came from and why it's homophobic.>hurr durr there always have been "gay" people who fucked the opposite sex for years and then they had an epiphany
Yeah, there always have been bisexual people with 90/10 split attraction model. And there always have been gay people who never fucked the opposite sex and those 90/10 splits tell them they're "privileged" for it kek.https://a-real-lesbian-speaks.tumblr.com/post/190805236287/ive-copied-pasted-various-quotes-from-the-hothttps://rakastiikeri.tumblr.com/post/190522323019/its-weird-seeing-women-who-fucked-men-for-10https://rakastiikeri.tumblr.com/post/611331892676050944/i-do-agree-with-you-to-some-extent-on-the-whole(USER HAS BEEN PUT OUT TO PASTURE)
Women don't make me weak in the knees and horny as fuck like men do. But I think women are very pretty and strangely think the naked female body is more attractive than the male naked body (nothing sexual, just purely beauty).
I went through a phase when I was 13 when I was terrified I would become lesbian. Probably because my parents are traditional and if I were gay I'd hate myself. I know it's fucked up. I will never experiment with a woman because I'm scared I'll like it. I'm fine with never knowing though.
First thing's first, I'm a big ol' virgin who's never dated a soul, so it makes everything infinitely harder. Exaggerations aside, I first got turned on by my female teachers at school and other older women. So I assumed I was into women but repressed the shit out of that thought bc -religious family/community.- I then avoided anything lesbian for the majoritty of my teens and now feel super lost.I only started looking at guys when I started reading shitty yaoi at 13, but my visual attraction mainly revolves around their body mannerisms, facial features, oh and their tone of voice.. Like I don't get wet seeing a dude (semi)nude. But boobs do.It's, like, I want to get emotionally close to a guy -sometimes- but don't want them touching me sexually at all. It makes me shudder. I'm not even a fan of hugging men unless it's my kid cousin or youngsters. I'm okay with the thought of pegging a guy. But I just don't want to touch/be penetrated by their dick lol. Because I'm 100% repulsed by dicks. I'm not opposed to being with a girl sexually, I'm scared that it just lacks something? Is that ignorant? I've always had a thing for tomboy gals and the few guys I've had an interest in were always girlie in behavior. Soooo what does that mean?I'm in a phase in my life where dating/sex is not something I want atm, but I'm really confused about my sexuality. Thanks to religion I also can't completely grasp longterm same-sex couples. It doesn't 'click' for me?
Guiltily, I confess that as a teen I've wished numerous times to be the guy doing the lovemaking to a girl. Being "the receiver" never appealed to me. AND that I could just chop off guys' dicks and shave off their excess hair so I wouldn't feel repulsed by them lol.
I haven't labeled myself as anything in fear of upsetting or confusing others/myself. Maybe I'll stick with the no labels thing or would that be unwise lol?
Am I bi or straight?
I thought since I was 10 years old that I was bi. The biggest reason being because I am not DISGUSTED by girls and I always assumed straight people were naturally grossed out by the same sex? I wouldn’t mind kissing a girl, and feeling boobs sounds cool, but that’s it? I have never fallen in love with a girl, or sexually lusted after one. In fact I remember when I thought I was bi and would answer yahoo answer questions like “which celebrity are you gay for” I would just pick a celebrity I found pretty but had no sexual desires for because there were no female celebrities or female anything that I had sexual desires for. Recently I came to that realization and that’s when I thought “Wait… then?” Am I actually straight?
Here’s my biggest confusion. Are all straight people naturally disgusted by the same sex? Like how straight western men act when they see something gay? I guess that’s kind of like asking are all straight people homophobic, but yeah that’s my question. Do they all feel grossed out at the thought of doing something even mildly sexual, like making out with the same sex just because they are the same sex?
And lastly.. I have a very strong fetish. I don’t wanna say what it is, but just pretend it’s foot fetishism, because it’s similar enough. I like all kinds of feet. When I look up porn, I don’t mind who’s feet it is. Male or female. I can fap just fine even if the video is of two lesbians, as long as what they’re doing involves feet. But it’s not that the lesbianism arouses me, I just DON’T MIND IT at all. Does that make me bi?
am i bi or lez if i think some guys are hot to the point of arousal, but i am not sexually attracted to their genitalia? zilch attraction.
(i am very much sexually attracted to females' tho. always have.)
that’s one reason why i don’t want to engage with a peen at all. im fine with not touching a single dick in my life—im just not interested.>>154038
i get aroused sometimes, but i don’t have the need to fuck em. Idk maybe i am slightly bi—just minus the desire to fuck guys
I identified as bisexual for the majority of my life, leaning mostly towards men. I've only been in an official relationship with two women, and fwb with two men (who I tried to pursue a relationship with but nothing ever came out of it on their end).
I feel like for the majority of my life, I was always sexually attracted to men, but I've always daydreamed of settling down with another woman. Up until recently, I was hypersexual and always horny and always chasing after men because I was so horny for dick, and after my recent girlfriend broke up with me, the depression sent me spiraling and killed my libido. It's sort of come back, but it just isn't the same now. Sometimes I daydream about having sex with another woman (I haven't yet), and still daydream about settling down with one. I feel weird calling myself a lesbian because even if I don't feel the same sexual interest towards men anymore, I've liked and pursued them for a long time. Yet I feel like calling myself bisexual is weird because, again, I just don't feel the same sexual interest towards men anymore.
At the end of the day, it's my business and I guess if I ever date someone in the future, my past with men doesn't matter since it was all in the past, but I always feel like someone's going to yell at me like "you're not a real lesbian!"
sexuality is fluid. yeah you could have totally been into the girl you dated but her manipulation turned you off from the idea of women, or you could just be thinking about it way too much. having a “crush” on other women but knowing you won’t or even don’t want to act on it seems pretty straight to me, especially paired with you saying that you can’t even hypothetically think about yourself having sex with another woman. there’s a difference between finding someone attractive and knowing that the person is attractive. i.e., your boyfriend is attractive to you find him attractive vs your brain points out attractive women bc you know what makes them attractive to other people.
being straight isn’t a bad thing. thinking you might have been into women but ultimately deem that false isn’t a bad thing. you’re putting too much thought into something that doesn’t immediately affect your current situation. you have what you say is a happy, loving, sexually fulfilling relationship so idk why you’re so fixated on a single instance of “semi-dating” in the past.
I genuinely don't get this retort because anon was talking normally? I'd it because they substituted gay for homosexual, and straight for heterosexual?
t. an autist
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I've considered myself asexual during my teens, but I realized I was just stunted from social anxiety and depression.
I'm in my mid twenties and finding a bf was a part of my self-conducted social exposure therapy lol. It was something I wanted to do that I've never experienced. Thanks to that I basically unlocked my sexuality, a level unexplored before. But with it came the realization that I may be bi. Women do not arouse me sexually as much as men I think, but I have stronger romantic and emotional feelings towards them. (I'm not really sure about the sexual part, I keep thinking about sex with women, on the other hand I experience attraction rarely in general so it's hard to say as I've never interacted with a girl while having a "dating motive" towards her.) Looking back, all my close friendships with girls were very intense. Always "manic pixie", us two against the world, jealousy and forever together. With my best friend from the time we planned to run a farm together and breed sheep like… isn't it what sapphics call cottagecore now lol. Dude I seriously planned to spend my life with a girl, this plan was my dream. Was it really platonic? Or I didn't realize I like her because of my social retardation from the time? I'm not sure. We lost contact and I feel it wouldn't be fair to pop up in her life to ask if she had feelings for me back then. I hope one time we reconnect and I can ask her.
I think Butch women are hot too, but I'm also eager to return the favor seeing as they're so hot in my eyes… I think you might be labelling it as attraction when that's not what you're really feeling?
Some would just call you a 'pillow princess' but then I know that term is one that gay women have mixed opinions on.
You're basically descbiring me, except I was never into cottagecore. Looking back I realized that my relationship with my best friend in my teens was way too intense and touchy, and I was broken when she dated a guy for a while. I don't think it was bisexuality awakening, she was just that close to me at a sensitive age, even people from older somewhat "accepted" young girls being in very intense "romantic" friendships, since they considered it pure (=zero chance of pregnancy).
I also started dating a guy just for "normalcy", except a bit earlier, I was only 19, but it was really shitty, and instead of opening up my sexuality, it just shut it off, I think, since I'm 27 now and haven't dated in years. I don't really care for men, but I honestly don't feel like dating women either. My poor parents are losing hope, I fear.
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I feel like I was much more female attracted during puberty. My best friend at the time and I would often lay in bed together and I'd spoon her from behind, she'd sit on my lap in class and we'd hold hands in public, it was all so natural to us. Sometimes it would even progress into somewhat sexual stuff and she'd rub me with her leg while we were laying down, we'd touch eachother's breasts under our clothes and once we did basically everything but outright kiss while feeling eachother up. We stopped hanging out a while ago though and I've been confused about my sexuality ever since.
I don't really get crushes on girls or have sexual fantasies about them, but I'm still curious and catch myself having some gay moments when with friends, like when I'm in a club and dancing and suddenly lose all interest in the guys around me and focus on the cute girl in front of me. I also have a friend who's more tomboyish and is taller than me, who sometimes touches my face and it leaves me very flustered. These kinds of feelings almost always happen with friends though, so it could either be that I need some time to become attracted to a woman, or I'm misunderstanding platonic feelings for something more. I'm a virgin and I've only had one boyfriend so far so I'm still fairly inexperienced and that further plays into my overall confusion. I really want to figure myself out and not have to worry about this anymore
I feel uncomfortable saying I'm attracted to women because I feel like I'm faking or something. I've been into women since I was a kid, around 11 and I used to take am i gay quizzes and shit back then, but that doesn't reallt say anything. The thing is, thinking about going on dates with a woman, kissing, sharing gifts, touching etc feels so good and it's something I want to be able to experience. Imagining going on dates with a man feels not good. But I have had weird sex with a man, and I have been aroused by like, celebrity men. And men sometimes feature in my fantasies but whenever I think of sex with men, it turns very violent and unarousing, but I think that's because I got assaulted by men so it influenced my sexuality. When I fantazise about having sex with women, it's not violent and it actually makes me horny. I really want to have sex with a woman and touch her, I want a hot old lady to kiss me and sit on my face, but something that is stopping me from calling myself bi is that I've never had a crush on a girl I talked to, I've only had fantansies of girls in my classes etc that I haven't talked to, so maybe I just like the idea? I also think I judge women a lot harshly, like, I do that with men too but still, I judge women a lot. I'm not sure what's up honestly, this as a lot of rambling saying nothing.
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I didn't have a gun to my head, but I've slept with men. 2 to be exact, both were drastically older than me. Long distance relationships, one was entirely when I was a minor. Other started talking to me when I was a minor. Sex was disappointing, I cried a couple times, it didn't hurt I think, I just randomly would start crying. Never looked at their faces during.
During both LDR's, I rampantly cheated with women, with mainly me giving. The women knew about my situation, most of them at that point identified as straight themselves. Half have now come out as bi or lesbian. Some of those lesbians might not have had piv, but they have given blowjobs.
If I think about it, I've never been attracted to men. I would also consistently dress and act in a manner I was warned would repulse men. I was never attracted to the two guys I had a LDR with. I was just a young stupid teenager groomed with copious gifts. I basically dated girls in secret and psychologically speaking, I consider those relationships 'canon'. They were way more intense than the online bs that was going on. The girlfriends those women got after me have considered me a serious threat even after we basically stopped hanging out.
I insisted I was straight, despite all of this. I realized I wasn't straight, because of het 'pinkpillers' going 'not my Nigel' and talking about male attraction as if it's an affliction and how they still secretly want a happy ending with a scrote. Even if a guy is according to society 10/10, nice and convenient, I can't do it.
I wish to marry a woman someday, I can't convince myself to be attracted to men, I can't have intimacy with them, I tried, I examined my sexuality and I did things I wouldn't have done if society were different. I know some people think I must be bisexual for having had sex with two men and I'm not even sure if I care about the labels anymore. I just want a wife.
Also hindsight is 20/20, looking back, I had the time of my life with some of those women and I don't know why I didn't realize all this earlier. My father is a guntoting homophobic racist though.
Anyone who isn't an internet sperg will accept you as lesbian. Forget the purity politics identity stuff, if you only fuck and date women then you're a lesbian. Why call yourself bi if you're never going to fuck and date men again?
I had sex with a man before I could realize I was gay because the messages I got about women's sexuality basically gaslight me into it. Virgin women don't know what they want, its normal not to be attracted to your man because ~duh personality makes up for it~, childhood girl crushes are just gal pals being friendly, sex is supposed to feel awkward the first time especially if you're both virgins, you're supposed to be too focused on how you look naked than to consider whether you like your partners body, porn depicts sex as no connection and just penis worship, etc.
I've seen a lesbian on instagram dating a woman who has kids from a previous relationship and everyone's getting along. So it's never too late. >>155273>>155285
You're probably right, I've not encountered anyone too interested in purity politics irl. I've probably spent too much time online during quarantine lol.
I really feel like I have, it's only recently that I noticed I'd never really enjoyed sex with my bf, and just seen it as "doing my duty"
If I could run away and start over again, I probably would
Bad sex also isn't the same as not being attracted to someone. The point is these "bihets" aren't attracted to the males. >>155272
essentially said she was repulsed.
They may not use the word "rape", but they pretend like society coerced them to have sex with men (through comp het, which was invented by a polilez woman who basically believed lesbianism is a response to sexual trauma inflicted by muh patriarchy and that basically every woman has the potential to become a lesbian)>>155347
The point is, they almost always realize they are "not attracted" to males retrospectively, after reading stuff on the internet. It's amazing how actual lesbians always existed even before the internet, so they didn't have to read anything to magically come to the conclusion they don't like men.
>>155408>the idea of spending my life with a man, raising a man's child, makes me feel so grim and depressed that id be better off dead if that's how i end up
You'll only end up that way if you actually persue that, that power is in your own hands
I'm thirties now but I married really young. My mom was dying and I was in a serious relationship with a guy so I wanted my mom at the wedding before she passed. The guy was more than happy to marry… the marriage lasted all of two years and looking back I had terrible reasons for marrying. I wanted my mom to die thinking I 'had my shit together' and somehow that meant being married?? I wouldn't marry again and tbh if I date again I like the idea of even living seperately. I have my own mortgage and don't want kids so for me there's no reason to conform to the usual roles. My sexuality kind of shifts every couple of years and I wouldn't want to commit given that
Hi, I'm >>155272
I wasn't exactly aware that not liking males was even an option. Especially since during puberty sexual fluidity politics was in full swing and propagated by sex-ed organizations. I also heard all about gay men, but nothing about homosexual women. Like I said, even the girls I slept with weren't goldstars themselves and I never came across female samesex couples.
I've had bad sex with women too and for some reason I DON'T feel like I'm not attracted to women all of the sudden because of it. The sex I had with men was horrifying every minute, especially them going down on me was repulsive and I'd stop it very quickly, even if they technically had better technique than the girls who had never done it before. Meanwhile I can get off on going down on women, women can kiss my neck and make me orgasm. With men I'm drier than the Sahara desert no matter what they do. No I considered I was asexual before considering that maybe I'm just not into men.
It's also more than just repulsion towards men during intimacy, there is a reason why I've never had a boyfriend near me. LDR's are a great way to avoid having to be around someone. Me feeling obligated to have sex with a guy after he spends months sending me gifts is not attraction.
Also I never said it's rape, though with one of them it was statutory rape. I'm not sure what you call 25 year old men preying on 15 year olds, but uh… Yes you may call me dumb.
It might be a fetish but it would make him bi according to the definition which I think it's not true.>>155400
He likes actual dicks and sex toys as well. I think he just wishes women had dicks. He doesn't seem that excited about pussies but men disgust
He's obsessed with dicks in general.
Ok help me out. I have always, and I mean always been into girls and boys but I was a late bloomer when it came to dating and stuff, did that shit first in my 20s with a girl. Before that a dumb online thing with a guy. Before I just called myself pansexual because after thinking myself as bi from elementary school to middle school, I found that to be a better fit so to say. I really, really truly cannot imagine myself in a relationship with a man, for many reasons, but I do enjoy some dick porn once in a moon but as people they disgust me to a degree, unless they are characters or actors playing characters. Read some comphet shit and truly felt understood, I may have had those flings with dudes but now that I look back, it was more about attention and acceptance, with women I actually want a relationship, I appreacite them and dare I fucking say, wanna have a life with a woman. Is this shit gay or what, I mean I keep telling myself that after covid I am gonna go abroad and bang all these hot dudes but I like that as an image, not as an action if it makes any sense? I don't want to be part taking in something that gives pleasure to a guy.
I think you just have emotional issues with men after some bad experiences, which IMO is different from sexual attraction although it might influence the latter (similar to how seeing someone be rude to service staff makes you lose interest in them).
Honestly you’d probably benefit from addressing it in therapy.
I just broke up with my girlfriend, and I'm very confused about how my masturbation fantasies might have affected it. I've always acknowledged crushes on 2D men but have basically been lesbian. For the first 10 months of our relationship, everything was perfect and I was extremely attracted to her. When covid started, though, I developed a masturbation habit. I would fantasize about taboo and nasty things to get myself off, and since I have this idea that F/M sex is more "degrading", I thought about a lot of situations like that, usually thinking of myself in "place" of the man like usual. This wasn't a big problem and didn't indicate anything I actually wanted until 10 months in…I started losing atttaction to my girlfriend. At the same time, real men started becoming more attractive to me. I find myself wanting to have sex with a man to see what it's like. I'm equally afraid that it will be horrible and that I will like it.
I'm afraid to fall in love with and end up with a man, because when I tried to date them in hs/college, there was always something "wrong" or unsettling about it - it wasn't until I started falling in love with women that love and sex felt "right" for me and I thought that I could be freely romantic. I know I'm basically bi, but the desire to actually sleep with a man for the experience is really disconcerting me! Is it a "real" thing, or did it stem from over-fantasizing and falling out of infatuation with my very womanly girlfriend, leading to a "wanting whatever I don't have" situation?
Of course, breakup still hurts, so I'm attracted to zero people of either sex right now and the idea of actually doing anything makes my stomach churn, but I'm afraid after this that my attraction to women won't come back, or that my attraction to men will still be super strong or something.
I remember an ex telling me very early on in our relationship that if sex died out much in a relationship then he just considers it over. I think that's mostly fair so it didn't alert me at the time. But I had just outed myself to him as a CSA victim
… so looking back I dont know if that was insensitive or a shitty ultimatum that he thinly disguised.
Anyway, so much sex was had when I did not want it (and was in a horrible headspace) I didn't want to lose him and that one sentance he said early on had put that fear into me.
I feel bad because my lust is mostly for men 4-5 years younger than me. When I was 20 I forced myself to date and dated a man 9 years older than me (I still have no idea what I was doing there) and then dated some women short term. Now in my mid-twenties I'm rarely attracted to men my age and especially not older, balding men that start to get out of shape, while women still look great. But I feel like I've wasted that window where it was fine to sleep with 21 year-old men. But I guess young men must be really shit and selfish in bed anyway, so maybe I'm not missing out on much. I just want to see guys that have a full head of hair and some life energy and sparks in their eyes, but all men 25+ are like fucking zombies, constantly whining about something.
I guess it just became a rant about men, sorry
>>155759>Now in my mid-twenties>I feel like I've wasted that window where it was fine to sleep with 21 year-old men
It would still be fine, anon.
same. I find men attractive all the time but could never have a penis go inside of me. I don't even like looking at their genitalia, I find the idea mildly horrifying if I'm being honest inb4 "anon were you abused"
Women on the other hand….. yes.
I had two long term male partners, the first relationship was sexless and the second had sexual issues right from the start. I reached a point where I realised that being permanently single (I can't come out where I am) was better than forcing that sex life.
I would think that sexual issues must be present in any comp-het relationship. You can only fake it so much before you have a breakdown and start avoiding sex like the plague.
If you feel any arousal over the male body, you've got attraction.
t. 90/10 febfem who has never dated a male but still admits I have a case of the bi>>156145
If you have ever even spoken with a man, you're degenerate straight.Jokes. I love lesbians and understand why you want to "gatekeep." I would, too, in your shoes.
I've been considering myself as bisexual ever since middle school. I'm now a third year in college.
Throughout the peak of quarantine, when I was barely seeing anyone and basically in isolation, I did a lot of thinking about my sexuality. I thought about my attraction to girls, and where it originated from, if I was even attracted to guys, and if I was a lesbian.
I had only made out with 3 guys during this time, hated two of the times, and I've never done anything sexual with a girl. Doing anything sexual with a guy kinda repulsed me at the time, and I was really attracted to girls. I was even flirting/talking with one a bit.
Fast forward to now and I just hooked up with a guy recently and really liked it. Ever since this experience I've been viewing guys differently, and I feel way more attracted to them than I did before. My attraction to girls has kinda subsided and can't stop thinking about this guy and guys in general.
Maybe I'm overthinking, maybe I'm still questioning, or maybe I'm just bisexual. Idk
Some of it is stereotypes and weird purity-tier shit ("bisluts" leaving for men), but I've also read many say they'd just prefer to be with someone who has the same experience socially.
Even for someone like me, as a bisexual my experience is different since I can still choose to be functionally straight and comfortable. Lesbians don't and will never have that option.
And as a group lesbians have a history of being predated on, so bisexuals claiming lesbianism can come of as coercion/lying to bypass boundaries.
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I think I posted in here before but forgot.. anyway I was only attracted to women as a teenager, had LDRs with girls etc but now that I’m a young adult I’m mostly just into men and I don’t know what to call myself. I’m worried if I say I’m bi that people are going to think I’m faking and at the same time it doesn’t feel right calling myself straight.
I haven’t even had my first kiss yet so I guess confusion is normal…
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>starting to think/realize i'm bi instead of a lesbian
how do i meet/talk to guys? to be honest i want to pursue one to see if i'm just fantasizing or if i have legit sexual/romantic attraction to them, emphasis on the romantic part. any tips? the extent i've gone to avoid men in my day to day life is insane, i don't know anything about relationship dynamics with them outside of being polite for work or school (don't have any male friends, kinda just happened).
i don't think a tinder hookup would be a good idea, are there dating apps for relationships that arent shit? also any general advice a straight or bi farmer could give for red flags/dating men in general? i've been with a woman before so i'm not completely foreign to relationships, i just think that it would be a very different experience.
Men aren't worth it, anon. The search for even a mediocre man is torture.
They make fun pals though. Recs for that are to enter any group and make small talk with a man you have any interests in common with. After a successful chat (ask them about them, they love it), just exchange social media and you're set.
Acquiring bros is ez, believe me. And if you're cute one will eventually pursue you further if you're absolutely set on testing them out.
There is a pretty big "relationship red flags" thread here which should be plenty to read on the red flags in terms of romance. In case this stuff isn't mentioned there I'll mention:>talks about his mom a lot
These guys tend to have quasi-incestuous fixations on their moms and their moms are psychos>Talks about himself a lot OR is not good at asking attentive, interesting questions
He didn't listen to you, does not care to learn more about you, etc.>"crazy ex"
There could be a BPD woman in the past but he's a cow for being involved in the drama>offers you too many drinks>doesn't pay for his share of food OR won't take his wallet out when the check arrives
Let me explain, some guys have this incel tier thought process where they're "weeding out"gold diggers by "testing" if you're paying for the date. It's an annoying, insecure trait that you should avoid. Whether you believe in paying equally or not, the kinda person that is that bitter about dating is a bad partner.>competitive gaming
Annoying ass hobby and friends, guaranteed>His vocabulary heavily relies on the word "chill" or its other versions.
Could be stupid, could be extremely noncommittal, could have shithead friends. Dudes that describe everything as chill and identify your bond as "chilling" are useless. Usually prefers pickmes/cool girls to date. Avoid imo.>Steers the convo towards a topic you've already steered away from, repeatedly.
He knows what he's doing. No regard for consent nor boundaries.>His towels in the bathroom smell bad OR his house isn't clean
I promise you he will make you his maid and needs someone to be mommy.>Is really close with his ex, or has an extremely intimate female friend
While there is nuance to this, the few exceptions don't change the rule. Most of the time people like this are attached in a way that isn't just platonic. It's complicated and you'll need to compete for attention which you shouldn't have to. Again, there are exceptions but as you're just starting out I'd friendzone these kinds of dudes and observe first.
My general advice is to guard your drink, don't leave him alone with it and don't let it be near his hands either even when you're in the room with him. Besides that, a lot of men are unfortunately too much work to "fix" due to societal conditioning and their shitty hormones making them walking penises who don't have other thoughts until their sex drives tank with age. And at that point, they either turn to fucked up fetishes to get that "spark" back or they get into a cool hobby they may or may not wanna experience with you.
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anyone else have pretty bad intrusive thoughts that tend to affect their sexuality? i used to think i liked men because id have those thoughts but id be extremely uncomfortable and sometimes even have panic attacks over it. I thought that if I liked a girl it just automatically seemed predatory. whenever i like a girl i feel sick with myself because of it. (bc of the intrusive thoughts and correlative shame) its like my mind just wants me to suffer and never accept myself in fear of becoming just like men. i dont have trauma with men, so no it is not caused by that. im not stunted with males. im not interested in them, never really have been. i actually have trauma with mostly women, which may be a part of why i was in denial of my sexuality for so long
anon, i'm pretty sure you already know the answer to what is your sexuality, but i want to say that the shame you feel about being attracted to women is not unusual. i myself experience it and i think majority of lesbians have gone through that too. idk if this is off-topic or just retarded but partial reason of my shame comes just from me associating myself with men since we both are attracted to women, think sexually about them and want to pursue/date them. so even if i know that i am not like men and know where the criticisms come from, i still sometimes get a kneejerk reaction when someone says that men are predatory or degenerate.
so yeah> my mind just wants me to suffer and never accept myself in fear of becoming just like men
i understand you and hang on, we both can get through this
When I judge other women's bodies, it's never ever in a sexual setting, and I dissociate myself from those reactions pretty quickly because I know they come from a place of self - hatred and internalised misogyny.
If I'm fucking a woman, I am also in horny monkey mode, and absolutely everything about the woman in front of me is delicious and amazing.
AYRT, the reason I don't want to call myself asexual is because I associate it with Tumblr kinnies, and I feel the term has been muddied when it became mainstream (I also think asexuals are not LGB). Maybe I just have some kind of avoidant/schizoid personality disorder, but then it's another can of worms.>>159834
I was relieved and happy the day I came to terms with my bisexuality, but I never came out to my parents, what would be the point since I don't date? Speaking of my parents, they never told us we had to be married and have kids to be happy, so I never felt the pressure to throw myself in a relationship that would probably be doomed to fail. I've also never met people like me (irl), even women who say they are not interested in relationships have hookups or end up settling down. The only person who is like me is my brother, absolutely uninterested in any kind of sexual or romantic relationships, but since he's a guy, I don't know if we have the same "problem" (I suspect him of being bi as well).>>159840
Yeah, I also believe it's genuine, I worded it badly, I should have written that asexuality is real but too many people think they are when they have other issues and asexuality is one of the symptoms. I still think aromantic is bullshit though.>>159852
Because we live in a hyper sexualized society where sex is placed on a pedestal, also deviating from the norm makes you a weirdo, and the vast majority of people love sex. Like you said, I could go my entire life without having sex, I still would like to try at least once with a person of each gender to see how it feels like, but it's not even on my list of priorities.
NTA but it's an inherently illogical concept and makes no sense to claim it as an identity. You cannot know for a fact that you could never have romantic feelings for someone, romantic love is a characteristically rare feeling and you could easily go through life never meeting someone you really fall for, just out of bad luck. I wouldn't question someone saying they think it's unlikely they would ever fall in love, but someone saying they know for a fact they are incapable of romantic feelings by calling themselves ~aromantic~ is a clear sign of desperately wanting a special snowflake label.
When will people get that 99% of the problems with tumblr sexualities is the fact that straight people are trying to turn their personality traits into a sexual orientation? It's so unnecessary.
Holy shit anon, this is 1000% me as well! I did in fact had a short living relationship with a guy but I couldn't NEVER think of actually fucking this guy lol
>I can imagine having sex with women and not feeling disgusted and like I want to die afterwards, but I can't picture myself in a serious relationship with the same sex.
I do have the same problem. I barely manage to have some sort of daydream about me being with a girl. Even when it is a girl that would totally appeal to me, it just doesn't go further than the sexual part or maybe a bit being cute together, if you know what I mean. Sometimes wonder if I just consumed too much media with hetero relationships in it that meme'd me into thinking that this is the only way of living or my openly homophobic family that says "all gay things are baaad!". Maybe both.
I always have small periods where I question if I like women, and I have no idea why because I've always been attracted to men.
I don't think I've ever had a crush or felt particularly attracted to a woman (maybe once or twice but it was always that feeling of "maybe one time thing and maybe drunk"). When I watched porn (used to, not anymore, fuck the porn industry) I would definitely look at the woman not the man, and I think I enjoyed gay porn but I rarely looked at it. I've always found woman super beautiful but I can never picture myself having sex with one or being in a relationship with one.
I guess maybe it's common to question your sexuality just because you're afraid you got it wrong? I've definitely grown to hate men a lot this past year and I'm trying to lower that hate a bit because it's just not healthy. Maybe I just hate them so much lately that I want to not like them, I've even started to follow women matches in Tinder (I have straight on my profile, not baiting) and I've seen some girls I find cute but I've never started a convo because… I don't know.
I honestly think I'm straight but I just wanted to voice my thoughts for some reason. I think a lot of anons can relate to wanting to like women because you're just tired of men. And I think we've also been conditioned to see women related to sex so we get confused about what we want.
I'm just tired that men will never know what being a woman is like, and they'll always take that for granted. Sorry for the dumb rant.
I am you but the complete inverse. I am more attracted to women and want a relationship with a girl but have no idea how to instigate dating. I feel like a real late bloomer because I almost never thought of having relationships with anyone until about age 21. When I think about being in relationship with a woman and building a life together I get almost a butterflies feeling, not even thinking about the sex part. Sometimes I rarely will find a man attractive more feminine ones, but not traps or troons, what does that say about me?
that if I was in the mood could bang but outside of that the thought of a long term relationship or having to live with a man makes me feel ill. Though I have had fictional crushes on men I recognize that's an 'idealized' version of a guy that only exist in my head and seeing men irl snaps me back to reality.
I have always been attracted to both men and women. However, I am extremely repulsed by giving oral sex. (I am not too crazy about receiving it, I can take it or leave it.) So I do not give oral sex. I don’t give blowjobs to male partners and I don’t give head to female partners either. I enjoy PIV, strap-on, fingering, toys, breast play, sensual massages, etc. basically everything but oral or anal. This is no matter who my partner is. I don’t give oral regardless, it’s not a vagina or dick thing.
Anyway, the reason I’m questioning my sexuality is the idea that I’m not really bi if I don’t love eating pussy and want to do it. It makes me feel like a faker even though I am indeed equally attracted to men and women, and equally opposed to giving head to either. No one has ever told me I’m faking my attraction to men because I don’t suck dick, but I have been told over and over again that Real Bisexuals crave to eat pussy. When I see a beautiful woman (or man) that I’m attracted to, I think about getting to know the person and being affectionate in other ways. I just don’t want ANYONE’S genitals in or near my mouth.
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I'm always into Man but sometimes i'm into a women too. When I see a women with bob haircut and elegant boyish-girly(No the overmanly butch type) look I want to have a Mature Romantic Relationship with her.But when I see women with general feminine and butch look i'm never into them.
Honestly I don't really know how to describe the type of women I want but here a pic of my type
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I know right. Even when I see the Lesbian Community , It's so rare the see one like this. It's like a shiny pokemon in this point
Do it anon>>166701
I mean if you have been attracted to a woman romantically/sexually you're bisexual. There are 100% straight women all of which who i fall in love with
. It sounds like you're choosy in general with partners (not a bad thing tbh) so it seems natural for your personality that you haven't found another girl you liked yet.
Do you have a sexual libido? Do you masturbate or have sexual fantasies? are you just up tight about sex? Also do you have an unresolved trauma? If the first true are two you're probably not asexual.
It's easy enough to attribute "i dont like men" with why sex didn't work out for you.
If you imagine yourself as your ideal body and literally the sexiest version of yourself alive do you still feel weird about fingerbanging some hot chick you love?
What about it worries you? ngl on lesbian dating apps I see asexual lesbians A LOT so if you are, you're not gonna be forever alone.
glad I'm not alone anon.
Tbh every dream where theres a moid I just feel indifferent even if they're attractive. I have no idea why I don't feel the word is proper maybe its because of nonsense lesbians get. Maybe I feel my lesbian power levels are not high enough which is the dumbest thing since i have like 3 sapphic blogs, read lesbian theory nonstop etc…. I don't know sis. If I was anyone else I'd say "stop being a retard you're gay"
Funnily enough I don't call myself bisexual or febfemme anymore either…I just basically insinuate lesbian while not wanting to say it This is peak female socialization us wanting to be nice to lesbos despite probably being lesbos ourself so we sacrifice a label for the good of our beloved lesbos….
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I can't figure out if I'm asexual or bisexual but just repulsed by human biology (because of autism or some other shit). I'm in my 20s and I never kissed, I only had one sexual experience that involved genitals (with another girl when I was 13). I want to be in a relationship but my ideal relationship is just someone I could live and cuddle with. Thinking about cuddling turns me on, but anything else like kissing or oral sex turns me off because I find human bodily fluids disgusting and I woudn't want my mouth anywhere near it, I'm disgusted even by my own saliva. Genital contact between two vaginas seems fine, but genital contact with a penis is a no no, I just don't want anything inside of me, not even a finger. I masturbate like twice a week (except when ovulating when I can go three times a day because I feel horny), but even then I only play with my clit, usually grinding against something, I have no desire to put anything inside, and I wouldn't want anyone, man or a woman, to put anything inside of me either. I can't call myself a lesbian because men's overall physique turns me on too, I think I would be fine with getting each other off with our hands, just without mouth-penis or vagina-penis contact. If homosexual genital contact is fine, I guess I could find myself a girl, but what girl will accept a relationship without kissing? I'm scared I will die alone, I don't believe I will find someone who will accept me the way I am and will be satisfied with what I can give. It's not about having a "good friend", because you don't have this level of physical intimacy (that isn't genital sex) with a normal friend, and you don't want to marry a friend, and you don't want your friend to share a bedroom with you only etc. And no, I wasn't diddled as a kid as far as I know
omg are you me? this is the very first time i have read about the exact same situation/feelings i am currently going through…
i am currently in a longterm relationship (4 1/2 years) and i am thinking about ending it because i am so confused and need time for thoughts :( still love my partner though, in a different way…
(first time posting, i hope i didn't do a mistake)
Samefag sage side note. Not to armchair/derail but I have a degree in this and work in the field and the likelihood of suppressed trauma is near zero. Its probably the worst psychology myth on the internet because everyone worries about it. Its the same level of dumb myth as "homosexual parenting makes kids gay".
First anon if genital tribbing is fine with women then you're not asexual…if you have sexual arousal, fantasies, etc. You're not asexual. A low libido or being choosy with partners is called good common sense.
Join the lesbo club anons…
But >166838 said.. > I can't call myself a lesbian because men's overall physique turns me on too, I think I would be fine with getting each other off with our hands, just without mouth-penis or vagina-penis contact.
Could she be a penis-repulsed bisexual? Or just a chill lesbian lel.
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I only recently came to terms with being lesbian, not bi as I told myself for the past few years. And I still have instrusive thoughts that I'm faking it. Even though I'm sexually and romantically attracted to women, I get worried that I'm not really gay and that I'm just an ugly woman who wasn't good enough for a man. I used to beat myself up for that a lot and it ruined my self confidence. But over time as I've become more comfortable in myself and not reliant on external validation, I realized how I was using male attention as a crutch. I'm disgusted by male sexuality. I feel shame looking back at how I was desperate for closeness and found it easily by having sex.
I guess this can also be attributed to comp het. I know some anons were criticizing the lesbian masterdoc but that was probably the turning point for my sexuality. Living in a small town and growing up religious I didn't know any gay people. I didn't know I could be gay, I thought you were just "born that way".
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Are you literally me anon? Tbh masterdoc helped me a lot because i accepted I was "born this way" bisexual. Comphet affects women way harder than scrotes and id argue lesbians way harder than gays. I also saw the masterdoc hate and yeah its imperfect but until you offer an alternative… that's the meta. And there was very few suggestions in the lesbian thread that offered anything related to non-comphet. I think women go megs tryhard to please scrotes so they find things they don't mind doing for them and think they like them because of that. Or settle to tell themselves "oh all guys are stupid manchild retards even hetero women think this so i clearly still like men!" Or its so normal to be hetero and not have good sex that you just think "well men just suck at sex it's not because I'm gay". Female socialization causes us to compromise hardcore into even when we know we feel wrong we just think "oh theres another guy…"
Omg I feel the same as you anon, but I would let a girl do whatever she wants with me.
It’s so weird why I’m fine with that but the thought of me doing anything with a vagina is a no thank you.
I’ve been questioning whether I’m bi but I think I would say I’m just bi curious
makes sense. i used to think i was bisexual since i was 10, all the way until last year when i analyzed myself and came to the alien conclusion that i'm actually straight. the way i explained it to myself is that i'm just very un-homophobic.
when i was in elementary school i was sure i was bi, because i was obsessed with girls who were pretty, but in an idolization way. i told this to a friend who asked me if there was any girl that i liked, and for no reason i named one girl in my class who i just thought was the prettiest, but it was a lie that i "liked" her, i only said it to give her an answer because i thought it would sound more interesting. this spread around and it being 2005, the kids were horrible to me about it, to the point that teachers and parents had to intervene. i remember one girl getting a really disgusted angry look and using lesbian as an insult towards me for a while. this whole time this is what i've been thinking real straight females are like, 1000% opposed to it. and thought well i'm definitely not like that, so how can i be straight?