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Interesting thread. I've been questioning for a long time. I was never attracted to any of the men I dated and was basically just dating them out of loneliness/mild intrigue. Have dated about 5 different men who I got along with reasonably well but have never fucked any of them because they repulsed me.
Not sure if repulsion to men = attraction women but I went on a few dates with women before the 'rona situation started and found them infinitely more pleasant but wasn't yearning to go down on them or anything. For reference I'm 24 and still a virgin. I haven't figured this out entirely but I've been wondering if I may be a lesbian with an extremely low sex drive. I'm confused though because I do find fictional anime men cute (the twinky ones) though I think this is because they resemble soft butch women which tend to be my preference IRL.
I'm confused as absolutely heck, but I think I might be a biromantic with low libido.
Growing up, I only had crushes on boys. But as I grew a bit older (teens) I started to get crushes on girls as well. I'm late 20s now and never feel turned on when I see a naked dude I don't know, never happened ever. However, I often get instantly turned on when I see a beautiful naked woman. Is this normal for straight girls? I've only been sexually attracted to 3 guys, and that was after I had already fallen in love with them.
Despite all this, I don't really picture myself having sex with a woman. I'm not into receiving oral sex at all, neither from a man nor from a woman. And I guess that would be a big part of it. Giving oral sex to a woman seems fine, but it doesn't really turn me on. When I think about a woman, I usually just picture fondling and kissing. I also have a lot of romantic thoughts such as hugging, holding hands and so on, when I see cute women. Never happens with men I don't know.
What's going on here? Can anyone relate to any of this?
Checking in a a gay person who realized she is gay a little too late in life. Maybe I can help some folks. First thing you absolutely must check is comphet, like NOW.>>153248
If you're a virgin it's hard to say if you're low libido or ace or gay forsure. Being a virgin usually comes with unresolved anxiety regarding intimacy, lack of comfort with physical contact in general, not knowing your own kinks or preferences, etc. It's a lot easier to tell once you've had some experiences and can look back at them critically. When 'rona is done I encourage you to try and get laid.
In fact, tons of low libido claims in the thread already. Tons of people saying they don't picture themselves having sex w a woman. Well, you grew up indoctrinated by heteronormativity, not having the internal fantasy of fucking a woman is par for the course. Sometimes intimacy comes with time, you ease in either by experiencing it or starting to consume media that normalizes things other than being straight. It will speak to you or not, but it not speaking to you right off the bat is not a sure way to know.
Before I realized I'm gay I never had fantasies about women, just sort of fixations perhaps and a coldness towards men. Comphet research flipped a switch that began my journey. It took many interactions with women, with the knowledge that I could
be with one if I gave it the chance I'd given to men before. Over time, my fantasies shifted. I should say, I never really fantasized about men sexually anwyay. My daydreams would cut-to-black so to speak, I only thought about dating men and even then it wasn't sexually charged. But since I didn't know women could be in the place of men, I wasn't readily able to fantasize about them either. It came with time and consideration of alternatives. Hope that made sense.>>153277>physical attraction to men>but don't want penis inside>also dont like giving head to penises>like penetration but not by a penis
What do you think that means bud.
It's not possible to be straight or gay if you're not into their genitals in some way. If you have zero appreciation for the way that orientation has sex then youre not that orientation. More people also need to consider if they're asexual. I suspect far more people are ace than we currently acknowledge.
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Im at a weird crossroads, while sex (with both men and women) seems fun in concept, everytime i had any sexual relationship it just sucked ass (and not because my partners were bad in bed), i had partners of both genders but no matter how into it and aroused i was before during sex my brain goes "ok literally anything would be more pleasurable than this" its just, neutral.
To the point one time was so underwhelming i just got up and went to have cereal in the kitchen, i just left my then bf there.
I don't even have any sexual trauma that would make sex just not feel pleasurable and im pretty comfortable with being attracted to both sexes.
Also masturbation doesn't give me any pleasure, at all, touching my bits feels just like touching my mouth.
I don't know if there's something wrong with my physically or if im the fabled asexual.
Sounds pretty ace to me, I hope your questioning leads to fruitful answers.
I know my anxiety sometimes manifests as sexual repugnancy or bodily dissociation, but I know that when it's good it's really good, and that sounds like it's not the case for you.
Are there sensual things you really enjoy and look forward to without a partner, like hot baths /exercising /massage /clean bedsheets?
why can’t you imagine dating one?
i think i’m similar but i wouldn’t say it’s off the table for me, i just don’t know what a relationship with a woman would look like or what i would do with her body. and i’m afraid of being judged which holds me back as well.
when it comes to sex i’m terrified in general of messing up my first time or it being bad/disappointing or too awkward
Asexual imo, totally normal. Wear that black ring if you wanna signal your asexuality and go to some meetups imo if you wanna meet other aces and never have to deal with sex again. The fact that you don't even like masturbation is the main standout for me. If it feels like you're touching any other body part then that's a pretty big signifier combined with your disinterest in sex.>>153306
It'll probably be a bit awkward but if your partner is actually into you as a person they'll find it endearing. When you love someone (or just really like them) you don't think "wow what a retard" when they fumble while they're new to something.
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It took me years of overcompensation and repression to realize I'm 90/10 bi preferring women, and the cope has been wild so I'll share some for questioning ladies who may act similarly:
>repulsed by idea of being penetrated
>only was into femboys, slowly trained myself through masturbation to be okay with small normal men
>in my fantasies, men would sound like women and sometimes have vaginas
>would have to fantasize about women to get turned on, then switch to men while finishing to make myself more hetero
>be very loud and OTT about loving men, made it a personality trait and would aggressively pursue men then reject the ones who reciprocated
That 10% hetero really worked its hardest to keep me in denial for years. It took more effort to bury my attraction to women than it would to find a gf kek.
Which was another layer! I felt as if having a female life partner was impossible. But following some lesbians across social media has helped that a lot. Like…I can do this. I can have a wife.
Don't know why that anon said you're hetero, sounds like you're bi with a preference, like most bi people.
Comphet is more like this >>153331
. When your behavior and feelings suggest a strong preference for women, but you can't imagine disqualifying men completely because of cultural pressure.
If you enjoy fucking individual women as much as you enjoy fucking individual men then yeah you're bi. If you haven't slept with both men and women yet maybe you don't know.
shit, are you me? I feel the exact same, said something similar in another thread and a kind anon clued me in to the potential of being ace.
sex is boring and gross, I'd rather just have a lifelong best mate
Most of us live in cultures that don't literally force you to sleep with men, like in the past. This is not how depression works, depression doesn't change your orientation. Actual lesbians with internalized homophobia are often chaste (I also knew self-hating gay men who were chaste, they didn't fuck women). Depressed lesbians don't self harm through sex with men, this is specifically a bi and het women's behavior. Lesbians can self harm throguh drinking, cutting, abusive
sex with other women or simply repressing themselves and being chaste, not through sleeping with men. Like, sleeping with a man is not something that just "happens" to you (I'm not talking about rape, obviously). Talking to a man, finding a private place, getting naked, letting him inside of you, finishing and then repeating that process. This is more than one-step operation, but women act like it's catching a cold or something, like they literally can't help it.>>153431
No? They're not lying about their identity for extra points, they're just febfems.
I don't know why the process of people figuring out their sexuality makes you so upset.
I know several lesbians who were convinced they were wrong and broken for not enjoying sex with men. If you are raised with heteronormativity why would you not think that? They didn't know loving and having sex with women was an option.
>Feeling pressure and fucking men is not the same thing
They were under INTERNAL pressure because of INTERNALISED homophobia from EXTERNAL sources. There always have been and always will be gays and lesbians with experience with the opposite sex. I don't know why you're acting like you don't understand this. Congratulations for always having been extremely sure of who you are I guess, but don't act like you've never struggled with internalised homophobia.
Also worrying about someone's sexual history is honestly such a male thing to do.
Growing up I've always had strong crushes on boys but I felt I needed a crush always, and knew they were not that attractive. It was more like "he pays attention to me" and listening to love songs lol
Then I was in a relationship and tried having sex with one. I lost attraction to him the closer we got physically. It was exciting to kiss him but beyond that I couldn't come and felt uncomfortable most of the time. His body wasn't attractive to me much but I tried to convince myself since I was that far. He suggested I could be asexual (lol) but I know it's not that, thought maybe it was being on medication but like… I still had a drive, it was just a chore to do with him.
Thing is, theoretically I find men's bodies and penises attractive. In my fantasies it's usually men, male fictional characters are sexy, maybe the RARE celebrity. Although growing up I felt baffled by the shirtless posters of male celebs, I still don't find any of the popular ones very attractive. I used to say "I can see why they're conventionally hot, but I feel nothing"
Still, I have those fantasies, but real life men are mostly not appealing at all. When I tried to watch male porn I felt weird, because it was a real man out there somewhere. Gave a feeling of distaste and discomfort to see anything too identifying as someone idk how to explain it. Especially their faces.
Meanwhile back when I first discovered porn, I was so aroused by the women's faces I specifically sought "O-face" gifs and all. I watched them primarily in the gifs at first. videos of them moaning. I did feel uncomfortable when they interacted a lot with their vaginas, I think it's because I've been really unfamiliar with mine for years and only touch outside of my underwear. But the overall rest is good
Anyway…all that said, most of my fantasies are men. I've never been with a woman. I have fantasized about them before and it gets me off just fine, but I typically default to male. Maybe it's because I read so much slash fic back in the day rest in fucking peace. Nowadays it kind of unsettles me to read because I don't have those parts.
So yeah. And I've liked girls before, when I did I idolized them as perfect angels who I'm unworthy of. I idolized male crushes too but not as me being unworthy or in the same idealized way. I was jealous though and insecure with them to a bad degree. However the strength of that obsession makes me suppose I like guys beyond comphet at least? Or was I just insecure?
Anyway. At this point, with more confidence in myself, I can say I don't exactly desire to date a man ever again, unless something changes. My standards are too specific and most of them make me uncomfortable. I would like to be with a woman for once, but I'm scared to lead her on as a "questioning bisexual"
I assume I'm bi, even thought I leaned straight due to my history, but we all have to deal with that question "how much was comphet" and how I genuinely like so few irl men. Wtf. I feel like with porn I was initially fixated on women, but forced myself to focus on the men- or was that just normal developing heterosexuality as a teen? My fucking brain. sorry for length.
Oh my god shut up. You have no idea what other lesbians go through or the pressure some of us are in. I felt NOTHING for boys while i had dreams about my girl friends and still did not accept it because i was a kid and i was supposed to like boys. I picked some random dude at 12 to date because i thought it was what i was supposed to do since all the girls were dating and talking abt boys, i wanted to throw up so hard after he kissed me but i STILL went on and tried to force myself to like men and have "crushes" on them for years. I kept thinking this is how it is because some women just have low sex drives and willingly say their bfs are ugly but nice, i thought i would be like that, i hoped and i tried my best to be like that until i just broke down close to 18.
I'm not bi, i don't want anything to do with men, if i was fucking bi i wouldnt still be in the closet to this day waiting to leave an homophobic home and country.>>153434
So they can self harm by doing everything but one thing that causes them psychological damage. Fucking wild take.
And yeah smoothbrain its not a single step thing, its something we do because we are desperate to feel like we can enjoy it, we can be straight, we can be normal. Being gay is earth shattering for some and comes with losing family, friends and all life plans. Thats why so many look into conversion therapy too.
i have sex issues on the other extreme in that im a sex addict and subconciously look for validation through sex with men, i can only orgasm in one position and its still not really my perogative in having sex (i'd probably be a mess with lesbian sex because ive been taught to be performative for men instead of valuing my own pleasure)
but i've long accepted that and now i dont think it matters who i date, i just really value women and dont wanna put my issues on them. men however can deal with my shit, fuck em
Cope. It really looks like people here don't even know where the "comphet theory" came from and why it's homophobic.>hurr durr there always have been "gay" people who fucked the opposite sex for years and then they had an epiphany
Yeah, there always have been bisexual people with 90/10 split attraction model. And there always have been gay people who never fucked the opposite sex and those 90/10 splits tell them they're "privileged" for it kek.https://a-real-lesbian-speaks.tumblr.com/post/190805236287/ive-copied-pasted-various-quotes-from-the-hothttps://rakastiikeri.tumblr.com/post/190522323019/its-weird-seeing-women-who-fucked-men-for-10https://rakastiikeri.tumblr.com/post/611331892676050944/i-do-agree-with-you-to-some-extent-on-the-whole(USER HAS BEEN PUT OUT TO PASTURE)
Women don't make me weak in the knees and horny as fuck like men do. But I think women are very pretty and strangely think the naked female body is more attractive than the male naked body (nothing sexual, just purely beauty).
I went through a phase when I was 13 when I was terrified I would become lesbian. Probably because my parents are traditional and if I were gay I'd hate myself. I know it's fucked up. I will never experiment with a woman because I'm scared I'll like it. I'm fine with never knowing though.
First thing's first, I'm a big ol' virgin who's never dated a soul, so it makes everything infinitely harder. Exaggerations aside, I first got turned on by my female teachers at school and other older women. So I assumed I was into women but repressed the shit out of that thought bc -religious family/community.- I then avoided anything lesbian for the majoritty of my teens and now feel super lost.I only started looking at guys when I started reading shitty yaoi at 13, but my visual attraction mainly revolves around their body mannerisms, facial features, oh and their tone of voice.. Like I don't get wet seeing a dude (semi)nude. But boobs do.It's, like, I want to get emotionally close to a guy -sometimes- but don't want them touching me sexually at all. It makes me shudder. I'm not even a fan of hugging men unless it's my kid cousin or youngsters. I'm okay with the thought of pegging a guy. But I just don't want to touch/be penetrated by their dick lol. Because I'm 100% repulsed by dicks. I'm not opposed to being with a girl sexually, I'm scared that it just lacks something? Is that ignorant? I've always had a thing for tomboy gals and the few guys I've had an interest in were always girlie in behavior. Soooo what does that mean?I'm in a phase in my life where dating/sex is not something I want atm, but I'm really confused about my sexuality. Thanks to religion I also can't completely grasp longterm same-sex couples. It doesn't 'click' for me?
Guiltily, I confess that as a teen I've wished numerous times to be the guy doing the lovemaking to a girl. Being "the receiver" never appealed to me. AND that I could just chop off guys' dicks and shave off their excess hair so I wouldn't feel repulsed by them lol.
I haven't labeled myself as anything in fear of upsetting or confusing others/myself. Maybe I'll stick with the no labels thing or would that be unwise lol?
Am I bi or straight?
I thought since I was 10 years old that I was bi. The biggest reason being because I am not DISGUSTED by girls and I always assumed straight people were naturally grossed out by the same sex? I wouldn’t mind kissing a girl, and feeling boobs sounds cool, but that’s it? I have never fallen in love with a girl, or sexually lusted after one. In fact I remember when I thought I was bi and would answer yahoo answer questions like “which celebrity are you gay for” I would just pick a celebrity I found pretty but had no sexual desires for because there were no female celebrities or female anything that I had sexual desires for. Recently I came to that realization and that’s when I thought “Wait… then?” Am I actually straight?
Here’s my biggest confusion. Are all straight people naturally disgusted by the same sex? Like how straight western men act when they see something gay? I guess that’s kind of like asking are all straight people homophobic, but yeah that’s my question. Do they all feel grossed out at the thought of doing something even mildly sexual, like making out with the same sex just because they are the same sex?
And lastly.. I have a very strong fetish. I don’t wanna say what it is, but just pretend it’s foot fetishism, because it’s similar enough. I like all kinds of feet. When I look up porn, I don’t mind who’s feet it is. Male or female. I can fap just fine even if the video is of two lesbians, as long as what they’re doing involves feet. But it’s not that the lesbianism arouses me, I just DON’T MIND IT at all. Does that make me bi?
am i bi or lez if i think some guys are hot to the point of arousal, but i am not sexually attracted to their genitalia? zilch attraction.
(i am very much sexually attracted to females' tho. always have.)
that’s one reason why i don’t want to engage with a peen at all. im fine with not touching a single dick in my life—im just not interested.>>154038
i get aroused sometimes, but i don’t have the need to fuck em. Idk maybe i am slightly bi—just minus the desire to fuck guys
I identified as bisexual for the majority of my life, leaning mostly towards men. I've only been in an official relationship with two women, and fwb with two men (who I tried to pursue a relationship with but nothing ever came out of it on their end).
I feel like for the majority of my life, I was always sexually attracted to men, but I've always daydreamed of settling down with another woman. Up until recently, I was hypersexual and always horny and always chasing after men because I was so horny for dick, and after my recent girlfriend broke up with me, the depression sent me spiraling and killed my libido. It's sort of come back, but it just isn't the same now. Sometimes I daydream about having sex with another woman (I haven't yet), and still daydream about settling down with one. I feel weird calling myself a lesbian because even if I don't feel the same sexual interest towards men anymore, I've liked and pursued them for a long time. Yet I feel like calling myself bisexual is weird because, again, I just don't feel the same sexual interest towards men anymore.
At the end of the day, it's my business and I guess if I ever date someone in the future, my past with men doesn't matter since it was all in the past, but I always feel like someone's going to yell at me like "you're not a real lesbian!"
sexuality is fluid. yeah you could have totally been into the girl you dated but her manipulation turned you off from the idea of women, or you could just be thinking about it way too much. having a “crush” on other women but knowing you won’t or even don’t want to act on it seems pretty straight to me, especially paired with you saying that you can’t even hypothetically think about yourself having sex with another woman. there’s a difference between finding someone attractive and knowing that the person is attractive. i.e., your boyfriend is attractive to you find him attractive vs your brain points out attractive women bc you know what makes them attractive to other people.
being straight isn’t a bad thing. thinking you might have been into women but ultimately deem that false isn’t a bad thing. you’re putting too much thought into something that doesn’t immediately affect your current situation. you have what you say is a happy, loving, sexually fulfilling relationship so idk why you’re so fixated on a single instance of “semi-dating” in the past.
I genuinely don't get this retort because anon was talking normally? I'd it because they substituted gay for homosexual, and straight for heterosexual?
t. an autist
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I've considered myself asexual during my teens, but I realized I was just stunted from social anxiety and depression.
I'm in my mid twenties and finding a bf was a part of my self-conducted social exposure therapy lol. It was something I wanted to do that I've never experienced. Thanks to that I basically unlocked my sexuality, a level unexplored before. But with it came the realization that I may be bi. Women do not arouse me sexually as much as men I think, but I have stronger romantic and emotional feelings towards them. (I'm not really sure about the sexual part, I keep thinking about sex with women, on the other hand I experience attraction rarely in general so it's hard to say as I've never interacted with a girl while having a "dating motive" towards her.) Looking back, all my close friendships with girls were very intense. Always "manic pixie", us two against the world, jealousy and forever together. With my best friend from the time we planned to run a farm together and breed sheep like… isn't it what sapphics call cottagecore now lol. Dude I seriously planned to spend my life with a girl, this plan was my dream. Was it really platonic? Or I didn't realize I like her because of my social retardation from the time? I'm not sure. We lost contact and I feel it wouldn't be fair to pop up in her life to ask if she had feelings for me back then. I hope one time we reconnect and I can ask her.
I think Butch women are hot too, but I'm also eager to return the favor seeing as they're so hot in my eyes… I think you might be labelling it as attraction when that's not what you're really feeling?
Some would just call you a 'pillow princess' but then I know that term is one that gay women have mixed opinions on.
You're basically descbiring me, except I was never into cottagecore. Looking back I realized that my relationship with my best friend in my teens was way too intense and touchy, and I was broken when she dated a guy for a while. I don't think it was bisexuality awakening, she was just that close to me at a sensitive age, even people from older somewhat "accepted" young girls being in very intense "romantic" friendships, since they considered it pure (=zero chance of pregnancy).
I also started dating a guy just for "normalcy", except a bit earlier, I was only 19, but it was really shitty, and instead of opening up my sexuality, it just shut it off, I think, since I'm 27 now and haven't dated in years. I don't really care for men, but I honestly don't feel like dating women either. My poor parents are losing hope, I fear.
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I feel like I was much more female attracted during puberty. My best friend at the time and I would often lay in bed together and I'd spoon her from behind, she'd sit on my lap in class and we'd hold hands in public, it was all so natural to us. Sometimes it would even progress into somewhat sexual stuff and she'd rub me with her leg while we were laying down, we'd touch eachother's breasts under our clothes and once we did basically everything but outright kiss while feeling eachother up. We stopped hanging out a while ago though and I've been confused about my sexuality ever since.
I don't really get crushes on girls or have sexual fantasies about them, but I'm still curious and catch myself having some gay moments when with friends, like when I'm in a club and dancing and suddenly lose all interest in the guys around me and focus on the cute girl in front of me. I also have a friend who's more tomboyish and is taller than me, who sometimes touches my face and it leaves me very flustered. These kinds of feelings almost always happen with friends though, so it could either be that I need some time to become attracted to a woman, or I'm misunderstanding platonic feelings for something more. I'm a virgin and I've only had one boyfriend so far so I'm still fairly inexperienced and that further plays into my overall confusion. I really want to figure myself out and not have to worry about this anymore
I feel uncomfortable saying I'm attracted to women because I feel like I'm faking or something. I've been into women since I was a kid, around 11 and I used to take am i gay quizzes and shit back then, but that doesn't reallt say anything. The thing is, thinking about going on dates with a woman, kissing, sharing gifts, touching etc feels so good and it's something I want to be able to experience. Imagining going on dates with a man feels not good. But I have had weird sex with a man, and I have been aroused by like, celebrity men. And men sometimes feature in my fantasies but whenever I think of sex with men, it turns very violent and unarousing, but I think that's because I got assaulted by men so it influenced my sexuality. When I fantazise about having sex with women, it's not violent and it actually makes me horny. I really want to have sex with a woman and touch her, I want a hot old lady to kiss me and sit on my face, but something that is stopping me from calling myself bi is that I've never had a crush on a girl I talked to, I've only had fantansies of girls in my classes etc that I haven't talked to, so maybe I just like the idea? I also think I judge women a lot harshly, like, I do that with men too but still, I judge women a lot. I'm not sure what's up honestly, this as a lot of rambling saying nothing.
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I didn't have a gun to my head, but I've slept with men. 2 to be exact, both were drastically older than me. Long distance relationships, one was entirely when I was a minor. Other started talking to me when I was a minor. Sex was disappointing, I cried a couple times, it didn't hurt I think, I just randomly would start crying. Never looked at their faces during.
During both LDR's, I rampantly cheated with women, with mainly me giving. The women knew about my situation, most of them at that point identified as straight themselves. Half have now come out as bi or lesbian. Some of those lesbians might not have had piv, but they have given blowjobs.
If I think about it, I've never been attracted to men. I would also consistently dress and act in a manner I was warned would repulse men. I was never attracted to the two guys I had a LDR with. I was just a young stupid teenager groomed with copious gifts. I basically dated girls in secret and psychologically speaking, I consider those relationships 'canon'. They were way more intense than the online bs that was going on. The girlfriends those women got after me have considered me a serious threat even after we basically stopped hanging out.
I insisted I was straight, despite all of this. I realized I wasn't straight, because of het 'pinkpillers' going 'not my Nigel' and talking about male attraction as if it's an affliction and how they still secretly want a happy ending with a scrote. Even if a guy is according to society 10/10, nice and convenient, I can't do it.
I wish to marry a woman someday, I can't convince myself to be attracted to men, I can't have intimacy with them, I tried, I examined my sexuality and I did things I wouldn't have done if society were different. I know some people think I must be bisexual for having had sex with two men and I'm not even sure if I care about the labels anymore. I just want a wife.
Also hindsight is 20/20, looking back, I had the time of my life with some of those women and I don't know why I didn't realize all this earlier. My father is a guntoting homophobic racist though.
Anyone who isn't an internet sperg will accept you as lesbian. Forget the purity politics identity stuff, if you only fuck and date women then you're a lesbian. Why call yourself bi if you're never going to fuck and date men again?
I had sex with a man before I could realize I was gay because the messages I got about women's sexuality basically gaslight me into it. Virgin women don't know what they want, its normal not to be attracted to your man because ~duh personality makes up for it~, childhood girl crushes are just gal pals being friendly, sex is supposed to feel awkward the first time especially if you're both virgins, you're supposed to be too focused on how you look naked than to consider whether you like your partners body, porn depicts sex as no connection and just penis worship, etc.
I've seen a lesbian on instagram dating a woman who has kids from a previous relationship and everyone's getting along. So it's never too late. >>155273>>155285
You're probably right, I've not encountered anyone too interested in purity politics irl. I've probably spent too much time online during quarantine lol.
I really feel like I have, it's only recently that I noticed I'd never really enjoyed sex with my bf, and just seen it as "doing my duty"
If I could run away and start over again, I probably would
Bad sex also isn't the same as not being attracted to someone. The point is these "bihets" aren't attracted to the males. >>155272
essentially said she was repulsed.
They may not use the word "rape", but they pretend like society coerced them to have sex with men (through comp het, which was invented by a polilez woman who basically believed lesbianism is a response to sexual trauma inflicted by muh patriarchy and that basically every woman has the potential to become a lesbian)>>155347
The point is, they almost always realize they are "not attracted" to males retrospectively, after reading stuff on the internet. It's amazing how actual lesbians always existed even before the internet, so they didn't have to read anything to magically come to the conclusion they don't like men.
>>155408>the idea of spending my life with a man, raising a man's child, makes me feel so grim and depressed that id be better off dead if that's how i end up
You'll only end up that way if you actually persue that, that power is in your own hands
I'm thirties now but I married really young. My mom was dying and I was in a serious relationship with a guy so I wanted my mom at the wedding before she passed. The guy was more than happy to marry… the marriage lasted all of two years and looking back I had terrible reasons for marrying. I wanted my mom to die thinking I 'had my shit together' and somehow that meant being married?? I wouldn't marry again and tbh if I date again I like the idea of even living seperately. I have my own mortgage and don't want kids so for me there's no reason to conform to the usual roles. My sexuality kind of shifts every couple of years and I wouldn't want to commit given that
Hi, I'm >>155272
I wasn't exactly aware that not liking males was even an option. Especially since during puberty sexual fluidity politics was in full swing and propagated by sex-ed organizations. I also heard all about gay men, but nothing about homosexual women. Like I said, even the girls I slept with weren't goldstars themselves and I never came across female samesex couples.
I've had bad sex with women too and for some reason I DON'T feel like I'm not attracted to women all of the sudden because of it. The sex I had with men was horrifying every minute, especially them going down on me was repulsive and I'd stop it very quickly, even if they technically had better technique than the girls who had never done it before. Meanwhile I can get off on going down on women, women can kiss my neck and make me orgasm. With men I'm drier than the Sahara desert no matter what they do. No I considered I was asexual before considering that maybe I'm just not into men.
It's also more than just repulsion towards men during intimacy, there is a reason why I've never had a boyfriend near me. LDR's are a great way to avoid having to be around someone. Me feeling obligated to have sex with a guy after he spends months sending me gifts is not attraction.
Also I never said it's rape, though with one of them it was statutory rape. I'm not sure what you call 25 year old men preying on 15 year olds, but uh… Yes you may call me dumb.
It might be a fetish but it would make him bi according to the definition which I think it's not true.>>155400
He likes actual dicks and sex toys as well. I think he just wishes women had dicks. He doesn't seem that excited about pussies but men disgust
He's obsessed with dicks in general.
Ok help me out. I have always, and I mean always been into girls and boys but I was a late bloomer when it came to dating and stuff, did that shit first in my 20s with a girl. Before that a dumb online thing with a guy. Before I just called myself pansexual because after thinking myself as bi from elementary school to middle school, I found that to be a better fit so to say. I really, really truly cannot imagine myself in a relationship with a man, for many reasons, but I do enjoy some dick porn once in a moon but as people they disgust me to a degree, unless they are characters or actors playing characters. Read some comphet shit and truly felt understood, I may have had those flings with dudes but now that I look back, it was more about attention and acceptance, with women I actually want a relationship, I appreacite them and dare I fucking say, wanna have a life with a woman. Is this shit gay or what, I mean I keep telling myself that after covid I am gonna go abroad and bang all these hot dudes but I like that as an image, not as an action if it makes any sense? I don't want to be part taking in something that gives pleasure to a guy.
I think you just have emotional issues with men after some bad experiences, which IMO is different from sexual attraction although it might influence the latter (similar to how seeing someone be rude to service staff makes you lose interest in them).
Honestly you’d probably benefit from addressing it in therapy.
I just broke up with my girlfriend, and I'm very confused about how my masturbation fantasies might have affected it. I've always acknowledged crushes on 2D men but have basically been lesbian. For the first 10 months of our relationship, everything was perfect and I was extremely attracted to her. When covid started, though, I developed a masturbation habit. I would fantasize about taboo and nasty things to get myself off, and since I have this idea that F/M sex is more "degrading", I thought about a lot of situations like that, usually thinking of myself in "place" of the man like usual. This wasn't a big problem and didn't indicate anything I actually wanted until 10 months in…I started losing atttaction to my girlfriend. At the same time, real men started becoming more attractive to me. I find myself wanting to have sex with a man to see what it's like. I'm equally afraid that it will be horrible and that I will like it.
I'm afraid to fall in love with and end up with a man, because when I tried to date them in hs/college, there was always something "wrong" or unsettling about it - it wasn't until I started falling in love with women that love and sex felt "right" for me and I thought that I could be freely romantic. I know I'm basically bi, but the desire to actually sleep with a man for the experience is really disconcerting me! Is it a "real" thing, or did it stem from over-fantasizing and falling out of infatuation with my very womanly girlfriend, leading to a "wanting whatever I don't have" situation?
Of course, breakup still hurts, so I'm attracted to zero people of either sex right now and the idea of actually doing anything makes my stomach churn, but I'm afraid after this that my attraction to women won't come back, or that my attraction to men will still be super strong or something.
I remember an ex telling me very early on in our relationship that if sex died out much in a relationship then he just considers it over. I think that's mostly fair so it didn't alert me at the time. But I had just outed myself to him as a CSA victim
… so looking back I dont know if that was insensitive or a shitty ultimatum that he thinly disguised.
Anyway, so much sex was had when I did not want it (and was in a horrible headspace) I didn't want to lose him and that one sentance he said early on had put that fear into me.
I feel bad because my lust is mostly for men 4-5 years younger than me. When I was 20 I forced myself to date and dated a man 9 years older than me (I still have no idea what I was doing there) and then dated some women short term. Now in my mid-twenties I'm rarely attracted to men my age and especially not older, balding men that start to get out of shape, while women still look great. But I feel like I've wasted that window where it was fine to sleep with 21 year-old men. But I guess young men must be really shit and selfish in bed anyway, so maybe I'm not missing out on much. I just want to see guys that have a full head of hair and some life energy and sparks in their eyes, but all men 25+ are like fucking zombies, constantly whining about something.
I guess it just became a rant about men, sorry
>>155759>Now in my mid-twenties>I feel like I've wasted that window where it was fine to sleep with 21 year-old men
It would still be fine, anon.
same. I find men attractive all the time but could never have a penis go inside of me. I don't even like looking at their genitalia, I find the idea mildly horrifying if I'm being honest inb4 "anon were you abused"
Women on the other hand….. yes.
I had two long term male partners, the first relationship was sexless and the second had sexual issues right from the start. I reached a point where I realised that being permanently single (I can't come out where I am) was better than forcing that sex life.
I would think that sexual issues must be present in any comp-het relationship. You can only fake it so much before you have a breakdown and start avoiding sex like the plague.
If you feel any arousal over the male body, you've got attraction.
t. 90/10 febfem who has never dated a male but still admits I have a case of the bi>>156145
If you have ever even spoken with a man, you're degenerate straight.Jokes. I love lesbians and understand why you want to "gatekeep." I would, too, in your shoes.
I've been considering myself as bisexual ever since middle school. I'm now a third year in college.
Throughout the peak of quarantine, when I was barely seeing anyone and basically in isolation, I did a lot of thinking about my sexuality. I thought about my attraction to girls, and where it originated from, if I was even attracted to guys, and if I was a lesbian.
I had only made out with 3 guys during this time, hated two of the times, and I've never done anything sexual with a girl. Doing anything sexual with a guy kinda repulsed me at the time, and I was really attracted to girls. I was even flirting/talking with one a bit.
Fast forward to now and I just hooked up with a guy recently and really liked it. Ever since this experience I've been viewing guys differently, and I feel way more attracted to them than I did before. My attraction to girls has kinda subsided and can't stop thinking about this guy and guys in general.
Maybe I'm overthinking, maybe I'm still questioning, or maybe I'm just bisexual. Idk
Some of it is stereotypes and weird purity-tier shit ("bisluts" leaving for men), but I've also read many say they'd just prefer to be with someone who has the same experience socially.
Even for someone like me, as a bisexual my experience is different since I can still choose to be functionally straight and comfortable. Lesbians don't and will never have that option.
And as a group lesbians have a history of being predated on, so bisexuals claiming lesbianism can come of as coercion/lying to bypass boundaries.
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I think I posted in here before but forgot.. anyway I was only attracted to women as a teenager, had LDRs with girls etc but now that I’m a young adult I’m mostly just into men and I don’t know what to call myself. I’m worried if I say I’m bi that people are going to think I’m faking and at the same time it doesn’t feel right calling myself straight.
I haven’t even had my first kiss yet so I guess confusion is normal…
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>starting to think/realize i'm bi instead of a lesbian
how do i meet/talk to guys? to be honest i want to pursue one to see if i'm just fantasizing or if i have legit sexual/romantic attraction to them, emphasis on the romantic part. any tips? the extent i've gone to avoid men in my day to day life is insane, i don't know anything about relationship dynamics with them outside of being polite for work or school (don't have any male friends, kinda just happened).
i don't think a tinder hookup would be a good idea, are there dating apps for relationships that arent shit? also any general advice a straight or bi farmer could give for red flags/dating men in general? i've been with a woman before so i'm not completely foreign to relationships, i just think that it would be a very different experience.
Men aren't worth it, anon. The search for even a mediocre man is torture.
They make fun pals though. Recs for that are to enter any group and make small talk with a man you have any interests in common with. After a successful chat (ask them about them, they love it), just exchange social media and you're set.
Acquiring bros is ez, believe me. And if you're cute one will eventually pursue you further if you're absolutely set on testing them out.
There is a pretty big "relationship red flags" thread here which should be plenty to read on the red flags in terms of romance. In case this stuff isn't mentioned there I'll mention:>talks about his mom a lot
These guys tend to have quasi-incestuous fixations on their moms and their moms are psychos>Talks about himself a lot OR is not good at asking attentive, interesting questions
He didn't listen to you, does not care to learn more about you, etc.>"crazy ex"
There could be a BPD woman in the past but he's a cow for being involved in the drama>offers you too many drinks>doesn't pay for his share of food OR won't take his wallet out when the check arrives
Let me explain, some guys have this incel tier thought process where they're "weeding out"gold diggers by "testing" if you're paying for the date. It's an annoying, insecure trait that you should avoid. Whether you believe in paying equally or not, the kinda person that is that bitter about dating is a bad partner.>competitive gaming
Annoying ass hobby and friends, guaranteed>His vocabulary heavily relies on the word "chill" or its other versions.
Could be stupid, could be extremely noncommittal, could have shithead friends. Dudes that describe everything as chill and identify your bond as "chilling" are useless. Usually prefers pickmes/cool girls to date. Avoid imo.>Steers the convo towards a topic you've already steered away from, repeatedly.
He knows what he's doing. No regard for consent nor boundaries.>His towels in the bathroom smell bad OR his house isn't clean
I promise you he will make you his maid and needs someone to be mommy.>Is really close with his ex, or has an extremely intimate female friend
While there is nuance to this, the few exceptions don't change the rule. Most of the time people like this are attached in a way that isn't just platonic. It's complicated and you'll need to compete for attention which you shouldn't have to. Again, there are exceptions but as you're just starting out I'd friendzone these kinds of dudes and observe first.
My general advice is to guard your drink, don't leave him alone with it and don't let it be near his hands either even when you're in the room with him. Besides that, a lot of men are unfortunately too much work to "fix" due to societal conditioning and their shitty hormones making them walking penises who don't have other thoughts until their sex drives tank with age. And at that point, they either turn to fucked up fetishes to get that "spark" back or they get into a cool hobby they may or may not wanna experience with you.
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anyone else have pretty bad intrusive thoughts that tend to affect their sexuality? i used to think i liked men because id have those thoughts but id be extremely uncomfortable and sometimes even have panic attacks over it. I thought that if I liked a girl it just automatically seemed predatory. whenever i like a girl i feel sick with myself because of it. (bc of the intrusive thoughts and correlative shame) its like my mind just wants me to suffer and never accept myself in fear of becoming just like men. i dont have trauma with men, so no it is not caused by that. im not stunted with males. im not interested in them, never really have been. i actually have trauma with mostly women, which may be a part of why i was in denial of my sexuality for so long
anon, i'm pretty sure you already know the answer to what is your sexuality, but i want to say that the shame you feel about being attracted to women is not unusual. i myself experience it and i think majority of lesbians have gone through that too. idk if this is off-topic or just retarded but partial reason of my shame comes just from me associating myself with men since we both are attracted to women, think sexually about them and want to pursue/date them. so even if i know that i am not like men and know where the criticisms come from, i still sometimes get a kneejerk reaction when someone says that men are predatory or degenerate.
so yeah> my mind just wants me to suffer and never accept myself in fear of becoming just like men
i understand you and hang on, we both can get through this
When I judge other women's bodies, it's never ever in a sexual setting, and I dissociate myself from those reactions pretty quickly because I know they come from a place of self - hatred and internalised misogyny.
If I'm fucking a woman, I am also in horny monkey mode, and absolutely everything about the woman in front of me is delicious and amazing.
AYRT, the reason I don't want to call myself asexual is because I associate it with Tumblr kinnies, and I feel the term has been muddied when it became mainstream (I also think asexuals are not LGB). Maybe I just have some kind of avoidant/schizoid personality disorder, but then it's another can of worms.>>159834
I was relieved and happy the day I came to terms with my bisexuality, but I never came out to my parents, what would be the point since I don't date? Speaking of my parents, they never told us we had to be married and have kids to be happy, so I never felt the pressure to throw myself in a relationship that would probably be doomed to fail. I've also never met people like me (irl), even women who say they are not interested in relationships have hookups or end up settling down. The only person who is like me is my brother, absolutely uninterested in any kind of sexual or romantic relationships, but since he's a guy, I don't know if we have the same "problem" (I suspect him of being bi as well).>>159840
Yeah, I also believe it's genuine, I worded it badly, I should have written that asexuality is real but too many people think they are when they have other issues and asexuality is one of the symptoms. I still think aromantic is bullshit though.>>159852
Because we live in a hyper sexualized society where sex is placed on a pedestal, also deviating from the norm makes you a weirdo, and the vast majority of people love sex. Like you said, I could go my entire life without having sex, I still would like to try at least once with a person of each gender to see how it feels like, but it's not even on my list of priorities.
NTA but it's an inherently illogical concept and makes no sense to claim it as an identity. You cannot know for a fact that you could never have romantic feelings for someone, romantic love is a characteristically rare feeling and you could easily go through life never meeting someone you really fall for, just out of bad luck. I wouldn't question someone saying they think it's unlikely they would ever fall in love, but someone saying they know for a fact they are incapable of romantic feelings by calling themselves ~aromantic~ is a clear sign of desperately wanting a special snowflake label.
When will people get that 99% of the problems with tumblr sexualities is the fact that straight people are trying to turn their personality traits into a sexual orientation? It's so unnecessary.
Holy shit anon, this is 1000% me as well! I did in fact had a short living relationship with a guy but I couldn't NEVER think of actually fucking this guy lol
>I can imagine having sex with women and not feeling disgusted and like I want to die afterwards, but I can't picture myself in a serious relationship with the same sex.
I do have the same problem. I barely manage to have some sort of daydream about me being with a girl. Even when it is a girl that would totally appeal to me, it just doesn't go further than the sexual part or maybe a bit being cute together, if you know what I mean. Sometimes wonder if I just consumed too much media with hetero relationships in it that meme'd me into thinking that this is the only way of living or my openly homophobic family that says "all gay things are baaad!". Maybe both.
I always have small periods where I question if I like women, and I have no idea why because I've always been attracted to men.
I don't think I've ever had a crush or felt particularly attracted to a woman (maybe once or twice but it was always that feeling of "maybe one time thing and maybe drunk"). When I watched porn (used to, not anymore, fuck the porn industry) I would definitely look at the woman not the man, and I think I enjoyed gay porn but I rarely looked at it. I've always found woman super beautiful but I can never picture myself having sex with one or being in a relationship with one.
I guess maybe it's common to question your sexuality just because you're afraid you got it wrong? I've definitely grown to hate men a lot this past year and I'm trying to lower that hate a bit because it's just not healthy. Maybe I just hate them so much lately that I want to not like them, I've even started to follow women matches in Tinder (I have straight on my profile, not baiting) and I've seen some girls I find cute but I've never started a convo because… I don't know.
I honestly think I'm straight but I just wanted to voice my thoughts for some reason. I think a lot of anons can relate to wanting to like women because you're just tired of men. And I think we've also been conditioned to see women related to sex so we get confused about what we want.
I'm just tired that men will never know what being a woman is like, and they'll always take that for granted. Sorry for the dumb rant.
I am you but the complete inverse. I am more attracted to women and want a relationship with a girl but have no idea how to instigate dating. I feel like a real late bloomer because I almost never thought of having relationships with anyone until about age 21. When I think about being in relationship with a woman and building a life together I get almost a butterflies feeling, not even thinking about the sex part. Sometimes I rarely will find a man attractive more feminine ones, but not traps or troons, what does that say about me?
that if I was in the mood could bang but outside of that the thought of a long term relationship or having to live with a man makes me feel ill. Though I have had fictional crushes on men I recognize that's an 'idealized' version of a guy that only exist in my head and seeing men irl snaps me back to reality.
I have always been attracted to both men and women. However, I am extremely repulsed by giving oral sex. (I am not too crazy about receiving it, I can take it or leave it.) So I do not give oral sex. I don’t give blowjobs to male partners and I don’t give head to female partners either. I enjoy PIV, strap-on, fingering, toys, breast play, sensual massages, etc. basically everything but oral or anal. This is no matter who my partner is. I don’t give oral regardless, it’s not a vagina or dick thing.
Anyway, the reason I’m questioning my sexuality is the idea that I’m not really bi if I don’t love eating pussy and want to do it. It makes me feel like a faker even though I am indeed equally attracted to men and women, and equally opposed to giving head to either. No one has ever told me I’m faking my attraction to men because I don’t suck dick, but I have been told over and over again that Real Bisexuals crave to eat pussy. When I see a beautiful woman (or man) that I’m attracted to, I think about getting to know the person and being affectionate in other ways. I just don’t want ANYONE’S genitals in or near my mouth.
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I'm always into Man but sometimes i'm into a women too. When I see a women with bob haircut and elegant boyish-girly(No the overmanly butch type) look I want to have a Mature Romantic Relationship with her.But when I see women with general feminine and butch look i'm never into them.
Honestly I don't really know how to describe the type of women I want but here a pic of my type
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I know right. Even when I see the Lesbian Community , It's so rare the see one like this. It's like a shiny pokemon in this point
Do it anon>>166701
I mean if you have been attracted to a woman romantically/sexually you're bisexual. There are 100% straight women all of which who i fall in love with
. It sounds like you're choosy in general with partners (not a bad thing tbh) so it seems natural for your personality that you haven't found another girl you liked yet.
Do you have a sexual libido? Do you masturbate or have sexual fantasies? are you just up tight about sex? Also do you have an unresolved trauma? If the first true are two you're probably not asexual.
It's easy enough to attribute "i dont like men" with why sex didn't work out for you.
If you imagine yourself as your ideal body and literally the sexiest version of yourself alive do you still feel weird about fingerbanging some hot chick you love?
What about it worries you? ngl on lesbian dating apps I see asexual lesbians A LOT so if you are, you're not gonna be forever alone.
glad I'm not alone anon.
Tbh every dream where theres a moid I just feel indifferent even if they're attractive. I have no idea why I don't feel the word is proper maybe its because of nonsense lesbians get. Maybe I feel my lesbian power levels are not high enough which is the dumbest thing since i have like 3 sapphic blogs, read lesbian theory nonstop etc…. I don't know sis. If I was anyone else I'd say "stop being a retard you're gay"
Funnily enough I don't call myself bisexual or febfemme anymore either…I just basically insinuate lesbian while not wanting to say it This is peak female socialization us wanting to be nice to lesbos despite probably being lesbos ourself so we sacrifice a label for the good of our beloved lesbos….
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I can't figure out if I'm asexual or bisexual but just repulsed by human biology (because of autism or some other shit). I'm in my 20s and I never kissed, I only had one sexual experience that involved genitals (with another girl when I was 13). I want to be in a relationship but my ideal relationship is just someone I could live and cuddle with. Thinking about cuddling turns me on, but anything else like kissing or oral sex turns me off because I find human bodily fluids disgusting and I woudn't want my mouth anywhere near it, I'm disgusted even by my own saliva. Genital contact between two vaginas seems fine, but genital contact with a penis is a no no, I just don't want anything inside of me, not even a finger. I masturbate like twice a week (except when ovulating when I can go three times a day because I feel horny), but even then I only play with my clit, usually grinding against something, I have no desire to put anything inside, and I wouldn't want anyone, man or a woman, to put anything inside of me either. I can't call myself a lesbian because men's overall physique turns me on too, I think I would be fine with getting each other off with our hands, just without mouth-penis or vagina-penis contact. If homosexual genital contact is fine, I guess I could find myself a girl, but what girl will accept a relationship without kissing? I'm scared I will die alone, I don't believe I will find someone who will accept me the way I am and will be satisfied with what I can give. It's not about having a "good friend", because you don't have this level of physical intimacy (that isn't genital sex) with a normal friend, and you don't want to marry a friend, and you don't want your friend to share a bedroom with you only etc. And no, I wasn't diddled as a kid as far as I know
omg are you me? this is the very first time i have read about the exact same situation/feelings i am currently going through…
i am currently in a longterm relationship (4 1/2 years) and i am thinking about ending it because i am so confused and need time for thoughts :( still love my partner though, in a different way…
(first time posting, i hope i didn't do a mistake)
Samefag sage side note. Not to armchair/derail but I have a degree in this and work in the field and the likelihood of suppressed trauma is near zero. Its probably the worst psychology myth on the internet because everyone worries about it. Its the same level of dumb myth as "homosexual parenting makes kids gay".
First anon if genital tribbing is fine with women then you're not asexual…if you have sexual arousal, fantasies, etc. You're not asexual. A low libido or being choosy with partners is called good common sense.
Join the lesbo club anons…
But >166838 said.. > I can't call myself a lesbian because men's overall physique turns me on too, I think I would be fine with getting each other off with our hands, just without mouth-penis or vagina-penis contact.
Could she be a penis-repulsed bisexual? Or just a chill lesbian lel.
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I only recently came to terms with being lesbian, not bi as I told myself for the past few years. And I still have instrusive thoughts that I'm faking it. Even though I'm sexually and romantically attracted to women, I get worried that I'm not really gay and that I'm just an ugly woman who wasn't good enough for a man. I used to beat myself up for that a lot and it ruined my self confidence. But over time as I've become more comfortable in myself and not reliant on external validation, I realized how I was using male attention as a crutch. I'm disgusted by male sexuality. I feel shame looking back at how I was desperate for closeness and found it easily by having sex.
I guess this can also be attributed to comp het. I know some anons were criticizing the lesbian masterdoc but that was probably the turning point for my sexuality. Living in a small town and growing up religious I didn't know any gay people. I didn't know I could be gay, I thought you were just "born that way".
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Are you literally me anon? Tbh masterdoc helped me a lot because i accepted I was "born this way" bisexual. Comphet affects women way harder than scrotes and id argue lesbians way harder than gays. I also saw the masterdoc hate and yeah its imperfect but until you offer an alternative… that's the meta. And there was very few suggestions in the lesbian thread that offered anything related to non-comphet. I think women go megs tryhard to please scrotes so they find things they don't mind doing for them and think they like them because of that. Or settle to tell themselves "oh all guys are stupid manchild retards even hetero women think this so i clearly still like men!" Or its so normal to be hetero and not have good sex that you just think "well men just suck at sex it's not because I'm gay". Female socialization causes us to compromise hardcore into even when we know we feel wrong we just think "oh theres another guy…"
Omg I feel the same as you anon, but I would let a girl do whatever she wants with me.
It’s so weird why I’m fine with that but the thought of me doing anything with a vagina is a no thank you.
I’ve been questioning whether I’m bi but I think I would say I’m just bi curious
makes sense. i used to think i was bisexual since i was 10, all the way until last year when i analyzed myself and came to the alien conclusion that i'm actually straight. the way i explained it to myself is that i'm just very un-homophobic.
when i was in elementary school i was sure i was bi, because i was obsessed with girls who were pretty, but in an idolization way. i told this to a friend who asked me if there was any girl that i liked, and for no reason i named one girl in my class who i just thought was the prettiest, but it was a lie that i "liked" her, i only said it to give her an answer because i thought it would sound more interesting. this spread around and it being 2005, the kids were horrible to me about it, to the point that teachers and parents had to intervene. i remember one girl getting a really disgusted angry look and using lesbian as an insult towards me for a while. this whole time this is what i've been thinking real straight females are like, 1000% opposed to it. and thought well i'm definitely not like that, so how can i be straight?
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I’ve never been actually attracted to girls (never felt a “spark” or wanted to date one), but I find the generally unrealistic Hollywood/porn girl on girl fantasy hot. Is that just some kind of kink? It feels like it’s the fantasy itself and perhaps finding it risque that turns me on and not actual girls in general. I was wondering if I was kind of ghey for some time but I think I’ve come to terms that it’s just some mental fantasy I’ve been partially conditioned to find hot.
Also, I feel like I check girls out in a way that I compare them to myself. I have barely any boobs and have kind of glorified better endowed women cause I wish that were me, and I feel like in some way that’s become low key a turn on? I don’t know how to describe it.
Pic related was off putting to me despite not being unattractive women.
I second this post as relatable. I had to be honest with myself. I'm not attracted to women sexually or romantically. I'm attracted to men, but my standards are very high, and not in the traditional sense of money or height or muscle.
I feel repulsion at the tought of being pressured to have sex, or be expected to have PIV sex at all. I don't want to deal with the risks, stress and BC. But what percentage of men are fine with not having PIV sex? I'm skeptical of men that call themselves asexual, I don't want to date someone for years and then start being pressured. Besides, even if they were asexual, that doesn't make them compatible in any other way, and that pool is already small.
The risks aren't worth it, so I don't want to date or have sex with men, but it doesn't mean I'm bi or a lesbian, because I can't imagine having sex with or dating women.
So when I was still fucking dudes I met this guy who was really submissive. Like could not penetrate because it felt "too top" for him. I'm naturally a dominant person and I thought about it for a second and I realized that most scrotes fucking suck at PIV and use it to masturbate with your vagina. It had rarely enjoyed it. So he had a based opinion for only wanting to eat out women.
Honestly if I wasn't gay I would probably be in the same boat as you as just not wanting PIV. Nothing wrong with it, it just isn't for everyone
I don't trust submissive men. Asexual either since they're likely pretending. Submissive men are into being dominated, and I'm not into dominating anyone. I want no power dynamics. They're usually into being degraded too and have a lot of fetishes. Worst case they transition. Not sustainable for long term anything.
I know there are ways to have sex without PIV, but men don't seem to, unless not doing it is part of a kink.
I've experienced pretty much the same and I can't tell if men are just generally underwhelming in bed? In years of having sex with men it's never been all that great on my end. The one night I spent with a woman ten years ago though.. I think about that alot.
To add to the confusion I have friends who are straight and non-questioning and whenever we get drunk they start opening up about how shit sex with men is so? Is this just the norm?
Nta but since the pandemic hit I've had men try to randomly chat me up on my walk to work (early in the fucking morning) or when I'm just out food shopping… my guess is with bars and clubs closed they are resorting to trying to pick up women just about anywhere.
Kinda wish women would take that appraoch and just randomly flock to me as I go about my normal day lol, How easy that would be
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I'm pretty sure I'm at least bi but I can't tell anyone or else I'll be disowned by 90% of my family. I was raised in a religion that encourages shunning so basically I'm screwed. I'm pretty sure my parents know too but are in denial. Growing up, my mom always use to bring up "dykes" and how disgusting they are to me specifically when I have sisters lmfao.
The worst thing is that I'm realizing when I talk to guys that I think I like, my attraction "fades" and I don't know if that means I don't like men at all or if it's because I'm dumb and inexperienced. The religion I was raised in is super big on purity so it might be from that too. Who knows at this point.
Sounds bi to me. Maybe controversial but I also don't really think it's worth opening the can of worms that is where sexual attraction may come from. It only matters what you feel now
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No, I left out that I had some crushed on boys in elementary school and middle school BUT I never had thoughts of kissing them and going further like I did with girls. Every sexual thought I had growing up was associated with girls. I'm wondering if could it have been that the kiss confused me at a young age if I am just straight.> in my day to day life when I see a "sexy" woman I don't get turned on and want to fuck her.
The more I think about it, I don't imagine fucking random hot men that I see. I think I messed up trying to imagine this like I'm a scrote.
In high school when I thought boys were repulsive and girls were attractive, I did have one girl that I wanted to date but nothing ever happened. But that could have been because I moreso wanted to be like her since she was everything I wasn't, was gorgeous (imo), and I was lonely as fuck due to severe depression and an eating disorder which alienated everyone else away from me.
At this point I think I'm just gonna keep having more questions than answers unless I try being with a woman intimately. When I masturbate I always think of sex with a woman although I do try to think of a man, but I've heard straight people do that as well. And if it's worth anything after I wrote my OP I saw this gif and got turned on by her tits. They look perfect, I wanna touch them and kiss them?
I mean things will make more sense once you have sex with a woman. But you've failed to mention if you desire
to have sex with guys? I think that's a big deciding factor here haha.
In the end you could just be bi with a heavy preference for women. And anon only you
will truly know your sexuality...but imo i think ur either a lez who got curious or a late-blooming bisexual..
Been there, divorced now. My husband was fine with it too and looking back he probably highly regrets that. The next guy I dated thought me crushing on a woman was cute… til he realised how deep the feelings were.
Wishing you luck with whatever happens but my advice would be not to think this is a cutesy situation. You have feelings for another person and you marrying so young isn't looking like such a great idea anymore..this will likely end in a not-so-fairytale way. Be prepared for that.
How do I figure out my sexuality if my brain has been rotted from exposure to degeneracy since early childhood? I posted about it in the fetishes you're ashamed of thread here >>170016
but to reiterate: I developed a futa fetish as a child and have never had fantasies or strong sexual feelings towards any flesh person. I only currently desire my bf because I love him, if that makes sense. It's also my first real relationship where I've actually fallen in love, so I can't use my past relationships with guys or girls as reference because there wasn't any kind of attraction there whatsoever. So I don't know if I'm bi, or straight with penis envy.
Should I just stop worrying about it? I mean, I'm in a happy relationship now, which is what matters. And if I'm not attracted to people without being in love, it's not like hooking up with a woman or watching female-centric porn would help me figure it out. so I don't know how I even could figure it out. Tbh idk why I care so much, I guess I've just been thinking about how fetishes can't be changed and got depressed. If I could go back in time I'd slap my parents for giving me unlimited access to the family computer/the internet. I do feel a bit damaged, ngl
I wish my boyfriend would treat wlw as just a silly novelty.
I'm so jealous of the anons who have partners that let them explore their bisexuality. I don't want some crazy poly lifestyle I just want to kiss cute girls when we're allowed in clubs again
Having dated those guys, the grass wasn't greener. Dating a dude that points out your cute coworker to you and gets some weird kick out of it… that relationship isn't built to last. They tend to be the shittiest of pornsick scrotes. That's the only reason they are into it.
Being single is a good time to explore sex with others, ime that's the only way to go
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>can't ever see myself dating men or having feelings for them
>100% certain I want to spend the rest of my life with a woman
>not attracted to men(at least not attainable non celebrity men)
>fool around with scrotes once or twice a year because extremely lonely/touch starved
>only went beyond making out once, was utterly bored
>wouldn't do it if actual gay women were around
>fantasies with men are all disgusting trauma scenarios
>fantasies about women are wholesome, normal
Anyway, since preteen years ive cycled thru straight-bi-lesbian-queer and don't know what to call myself anymore. I feel like i'm not bi enough for bis, im not sure i could/would fuck a man outside of my disturbing fantasies. I'm afraid that the trauma i went thru with men heavily influenced my sexuality. The only concrete thing I knows is i love women.
There's a lot of cultural capital that comes with being desired by men, it's a very insidious idea that is deeply embedded in women. So it kind of makes sense that it's caught up in our sexualities too.
For my part I've never had sex with a man I wasn't at least somewhat physically attracted to, and had my own desire for.
Maybe it's just a quirk of your sexuality? I'm the opposite, I don't have romantic attraction to men but most of my fantasies are about them, and I found it hard to fantasise about women until I started dating them.
Are you turned off by dick because you think it's going to used on you? I used to hate dicks because I associated them with being pressured/obligated to do PIV or oral. Even though I'm a virgin and never been sexually abused, I've always been turned off by men who are predatory/coerce women into getting them off.
From the beginning my boyfriend has always let me do things at my own pace, and NEVER even hinted that I touch him or do anything for him. It made me realize I'm comfortable with dicks if I can just look at them/touch them when I feel safe with the person, as silly as that sounds.
How do you know if you are asexual (if that's even real) or just eternally depressed?
I have had ok het sex. It's never blown my mind. I never feel like I need it. I've had two partners; both sort of disgust me now. Both were long-term relationships (5y and 4y). One was a marriage; prior to that I was a virgin (don't criticize, I can't change that). I got married at 20 immediately after graduating uni early and that was pretty dumb.
Now I see people being so proud of liking men, women, men & women, NB people, whatever. And idk. I just want to feel valued and appreciated. I don't crave physical affection. I don't hug or touch people usually. (It's not my way of showing affection, period.) But when I was in relationships, I liked holding hands and stroking his hair and stuff like that, though. I'm just not physically affectionate with anyone else as a default.
I don't even know if I prefer men to women. I wouldn't say no to dating a woman. But I think that people generally know right? So idk. Ah fuck I'm hopeless.
See, idk if asexuality actually exists. I have had sex. Ergo I don't feel so repulsed by it that I won't do it. But I remember feeling so bored by it all. I've never thought of myself as someone people find physically attractive. I usually attract weird men. The only thing I am good for is my brain, and this year I've been so down /OCD (perfectionistic in bad way) that I have pissed off my diss committee.
But what does it even mean to have a sexuality? I think I just want a special friend who likes me a lot. And I'm NOT proud of that, it makes me feel like a weirdo or a child or a selfish prude or idk. I'm generous, even in bed, but I feel so guilty.
sorry for the sperging but I thought this was the best thread for ranting / asking these qs. Please don't think I'm some super special faery asexual bleating about how I need representation, because after writing all this I think I need therapy.
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I am pretty sure I'm bi and want to try dating a girl but afraid it'll turn out I'm a douchey experimentally-bi straight girl who took advantage of a real bi/lesbian. As much as I've had crushes and masturbated about women I have this feeling that bisexuals are rarely 50/50 and maybe my man-lust is greater. It's so hard to know without any experience. I don't want to be someone's "straight girl who used me" story.
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I've been confused about sexuality since I can remember. For a time in my teens I identified as bisexual, then I started identifying as a lesbian, but always felt like maybe I was lying to myself. Neither label felt completely 'right' for me. I have a low libido, but I've only ever really had any active desire to have sex with women. I've had men come onto me, even men I would say were attractive but only ever really felt mild revulsion or neutrality towards it.
I've kissed men before, allowed them to touch me but not really felt much from it. Not quite revulsion, but not really that electric excitement like with women either. At most maybe a sense of arousal from being desired than really wanting to have sex with them. I was outright disgusted when I noticed one male have a hard on next to me though. My experiences with women have always felt very natural and 'right'. Whereas my experiences with men always felt more like I was playing a role. Feeling like I /should/ be enjoying this more. I've never had sex with a man, and honestly find the idea upsetting at the worst of times and just bearable at the best of times. But part of me feels like maybe I'm just being a baby and could learn to enjoy it. However I cringe at the idea of just penetrating myself even with fingers.
At the same time, as a teenager I masturbated to gay & heterosexual hentai & pornography, it didn't matter what combination of men or women. I never imagined myself in the scenarios, I was simply masturbating to witnessing the sex acts, a voyeur. I've largely quit masturbating to pornography for personal reasons, but before I stopped I was mainly masturbated to lesbian porn. I still enjoy het love stories, play otome games, crushed on anime boys (never felt anything for male celebs, no matter how attractive or charming) and even had a fujoshi phase in my teens. I just feel like a liar saying I'm a lesbian, when I feel like I'm not telling the complete truth. I can't really see myself ever sleeping with a man, let alone having a serious relationship with one, but still. Still I keep wondering if maybe people are right, and the 'right' man will come along someday.
Any other older ladies here who've come out late?
I'm 30. For a little background, I had a huge crush and made a move on a girl friend when I was like 10 which didn't go well at all. I was shamed heavily for it and it really fucked with my head, which put me in a state of denial about the whole situation. In school I never dated anyone and had no interest in males. I've had crushes on other girls but never gave them much thought, let alone acted on them. After high school I got into a relationship with a male, who tbh I wasn't even really attracted to at all, he just happened to be the first person to ever take interest in me. I'm realizing now that I simply liked the companionship and feeling 'liked' by somebody, due to my own non-existent self-esteem. I then dated 3 more men in my 20s but it's been the same situation-just me and my low self-esteem trying to evade loneliness. I've never enjoyed sex with men, but I'd give in just to be liked. It's so fucked up to think about now.
I've finally started the process of self-improvement and trying to work on all of my issues, including being honest with myself and the fact that I am sexually attracted to women.
I'm still frustrated and angry with myself tho. Seems most people are able to come to terms with their sexualities early on, like teens-twenties. I feel like I won't be taken seriously and my lack of experience only adds to that. But I know I'm 100% certain that I cannot ever imagine myself being with a man long term. I wouldn't even consider myself bisexual, but the fact that I've been with men in the past I'm afraid will make women not take me seriously. I've come to accept myself but what's the point if I won't be accepted by others?
Blows my mind that some women have marriages and children with men, only to come out as gay later on?
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I posted something similar to this in the bisexuality thread but I couldnt find it anymore and I just wanted to see if anyone is in the same boat as me
Anyway here it goes : Ive long identified as bisexual, I have attraction to both men and women. Had a boyfriend during my senior hs years and broke up with him during my first year in college. After dating him I realized I wasn't at all attracted to him, both romantically and sexually. I had to force myself to say stuff to him and what he wanted to hear and it never felt right to me. In terms of women,I've never really been with one.
Sex is fine to me but I don't feel that strong desire to form a romantic relationship with both men and women.
I feel like its because Im too socially inept or too much of a shut in or something else
I’m honestly really confused about what I am.
I’m 18, just graduating high-school. I went to a co-ed elementary/middle school and an all girls high-school. I’ve never had a crush on anyone
, male or female, but I’d definitely want to be in a romantic relationship one day. I just don’t know with who…
As for sexual attraction, my coomerbrain makes it hard to tell what I actually I am. When I first began masturbating, I did it exclusively to pictures/videos of women, and really enjoyed looking at women’s fat asses and big tits (sorry to sound like a moid). I’ve also been turned on by looking at women with large assets and/or skimpy clothing irl. But later on, I started watching straight porn while imagining myself as a man. My top fantasy for the last couple of years facefucking a woman (as a man or futa) and cumming down her throat. I also get off to rpe fantasies with myself as a man r
ping a woman. If I try, I can masturbate to the thought of myself as a woman having sex with another woman, like sitting on her face or fingering her, but it takes way more effort than imagining myself as a man fucking a woman. I’ve never masturbated to the thought of having sex with a man, nor masturbated to
a man. I’ve also never been sexually attracted to a man irl.
What am I? Am I just a degenerate coomer lesbian? Or am I something else? Heterosexuality showcased as AAP?
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same, anon. i am a depressed bitch with a low libido who has only ever fucked men and honestly i really regret it. men are fucking disgusting and i've never enjoyed having sex with one. the longer i live the uglier they become to me. i've pretty much become completely turned off from dating them because nothing about them seems enticing anymore. that and 2d boys are way cuter.
anyway, i'm just going to vomit out all of my confused shitty thoughts here. mostly i'm reevaluating my life and sexuality now that i'm almost 30 and have never been in a serious long term relationship, or any "real relationship" for that matter. growing up i had crushes on boys (2d and 3d), but my first actual kiss was with a girl at a very young age and i would also go on to kiss some girls in primary school. come to think of it, my first real sexual thoughts were all exclusively about women. then i later fucked 3 guys during my early 20s because i thought that's what i had to do to "date" and but i didn’t enjoy any of it. i cried after the first time because i thought i was “broken” for not enjoying it lmao. when i was 25, i had a man go down on me, and this was the only male encounter i semi-enjoyed mostly because it felt good and i didn’t have to reciprocate. so all in all i’ve had 4 male sexual partners, all one night stands because i couldn’t bear returning to those dicks. “maybe the next dick will feel right” god i’m such a retard.
also, kissing men doesn’t bring me the same rush and excitement that kissing women does. i’ve kissed a few girls and each time it was infinitely more pleasurable than any “kiss” from a scrote. their kisses are gentle and sensual, whereas men jam their tongue down your throat and have gross scratchy faces. ironically a moid once tried to “teach me how to kiss” because i kissed him too strongly since i assumed he was going to go for the same kamikaze tongue assault every other scrote has attempted. a very embarrassing moment for me.
i can’t call myself a lesbian since 2d guys are cute and also i’ve fucked scrotes, but i also don’t know if i can call myself truly bi because my attraction to men is so abstract that it only exists in the void of fictional men and i also never want to touch one sexually or date one ever again. i think i’m probably just fucked in the head.
You sound exactly like me, anon. I’m a lesbian. I don’t get real-life crushes often, but I have a pretty high libido and can only get off while imagining myself with a dick. My fantasies are pretty similar to those too, lol. I’m somewhat comforted I’m not the only gay woman with degenerate scrotebrain kinks.
You’re definitely a lesbian.
In light of the lesbo/bi fujo topic, and the bi debates that happen in /ot/ seemingly once a week, this has been weighing down on me for weeks. I have a flirty personality, as in I will crack jokes with whomever I’m comfortable with. But I’ve never been with a man. I’ve never wanted to genuinely be romantically intimate with a real, breathing man. Imagining it makes me gag. Imagining other people with an actual man is “whatever” at best. I’ve never wanted to have a real, living man that I know, be in a sexual experience with me.
Despite all this, I didn’t know-or rather I didn’t think- that I was a lesbian until I was almost 19. I grew up in a strict and religious environment at both school and home. My classrooms always had significantly more boys than girls until I graduated high school. I was (and still am) always more comfortable around my own sex in any given situation, and I was used to the idea that making an effort to appeal to boys, whether you liked them or not, was natural. It was good if boys liked you. So until my late teens I thought I was simply an abstaining virgin who hadn’t met prince charming. My relationships with other women were normal close friendships, nothing more nothing less.
It’s been nearly a decade since, and my only romantic relationships have ever been with women, and I have 0 expectation or plan that this will ever change. I don’t even like males as real life friends.
All of that being said, I don’t think I’m actually qualified to consider myself a lesbian anymore. I used to think comphet was real and I was another one of it’s passing victims. And even if it is real, I don’t think it applies to me anymore.
I understand cartoons can be ignored because they’re cartoons, but that’s not my only problem nor shared opinion. I have fantasized about “men” in the past. Idyllic, fairytale versions of them, because I didn’t know them. I could argue that they are barely actually men at all. But they’re still fantasies that I had. If it involved me then it was usually something like farming together or other domestic and pretty platonic activities. If the fantasy wasn’t involving me then it could also be some vague and possibly sexual scenario, and I don’t think its mere intrusive thinking. Thereby ruling out a comphet excuse as a possibility. This is really the only reason why I feel like I can’t and shouldn’t consider myself a lesbian anymore. Even if in theory I behave like one, in functionality I have a history of a habit that proves the opposite.
To be honest I feel disgusted with myself because it’s as if I’ve been treating being lesbian as this exclusive club and I was ecstatic when I found out my best friend was les too. I felt safe. I felt like I finally made sense. I feel like a had a whole life where I was proud of this part of me and what I lived through because of it, only to find out it was a lie I told myself. Even now I feel like I’m trying to convince myself I’m either bi or les through typing this, because I feel like if I say I’m lesbian I’m a shameless biphobic liar and if I say I’m bi then I’m throwing myself back into another closet. I honestly hope this confusion is being spurred by some scrote psyop in /ot/ because I don’t want to be questioning myself anymore and I don’t want to be something I’m not. No offense whatsoever, I miss the assurance and confidence I had with myself when I fully believed in who I was, and I miss not thinking less of myself because of males I’ll never have the misfortune of living with in the first place. I feel like if I fully convince myself that I’m bi, that I have to rework my entire life to adjust to the idea that there’s room for men in my life. I feel dread.
I don’t think fujoshit has anything to do with it, either. I already liked my chinese cartoon characters and reading shit about them before I became a fujo last year. If I had always been bi then my behavior could have been explained with how fictional men don’t exist and real women do. I thought Chris Evans was good looking and would partake in spergs about how he’s cute and shit, I even had touch-starved fangirl fantasies about us holding hands and hugging and how he’d be really nice to be around. But when I saw his dick pics my attraction instantly went away (not exaggerating) and I couldn’t fantasize anymore. It was like a stark and crude reminder. He even looked ugly to me for a while after. I wanted to believe that my attraction was admiration for him, and that it was it’s safe to like celebrities as a lesbian since to me they aren’t real people. But I don’t know anymore and I don’t trust myself anymore.
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I'm sorry if this is a stupid question, but am I a lesbian or bi if I only feel attraction for 3D women and 2D men? I find everything about real men ugly and repellent, but I have a husbando I fantasise about. Sometimes I enjoy gay doujins of him. In real life, I only find myself wanting to have sex with/have relationships with women.
Seeing penises doesn't make me horny, but neither do vulvas or breasts on their own.
I like the gay doujins for the power/relationship dynamics/scenarios rather than the penises. The thought of actually recreating them with a man is gross, but I like the idea of recreating them with a woman.
I can't fantasise about RL men without cringing, but I can fantasise about RL female friends no problems.
I'm either bi with a very specific sex repulsion, or a lesbian with fujo/AAP tendencies. Idk which though.
i think it’s fine as long as you’re upfront about your intentions as you said
good luck anon
Totally depends on who you're talking to. I've slept with a few curious women but wouldn't do it now. Not because I have a particular dislike for bi-curious women but because if I were to be single again I'd most likely be looking for commitment. Like >>197623
said, just be upfront about it. Some women might turn you down but don't take it personal. Good luck, nonny
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I think I'm biromantic and on the spectrum of asexuality or whatever. I get crushes on both genders. And I do occasionally get turned on by women I don't know, but never men. In the past I've felt turned on by men, but only those I knew very well and already had strong romantic feelings for. I sadly don't even know any women, I'm so damn shy and only men contact me. I think I might prefer women. Not sure what to do with all of this confusion But I feel incredibly lonely and like a weirdo.
I get the sentiment and think it's absolutely valid
until>by a man fucking woman
which sounds like an insult of the "filthy slut" variety. The obsession with dicks forever ruining pure women is unnerving
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Brb going to hell anyway, might as well toast me up before I go
Yes. That you don't desire him is a massive red flag. Don't waste your years on someone you know you don't have attraction towards. >Samefag but I only ask if it's something I should pursue since I've tried to come out about this with family and they tell me I'm only like this because I was molested by men, so the attraction to women isn't real and I need to "find the right man" but the thought of the right man makes me sick.. I still doubt myself though.
Look I don't know you that well and maybe a therapist can confirm or not confirm where your issue with men comes from. That being said, it doesn't actually matter. It's okay to love women and be a bisexual that only dates women. You don't have to be anything beyond that if that's what you see yourself as. Absolutely do not, under any circumstance, force yourself to be with men to "get over trauma". Regardless of whether you have a learned aversion or not. It doesn't fucking matter. What matters is you're not asexual, you can readily love and desire women. You can just pursue that and never touch a man again. You'll be happy and anyone who thinks you have to
work on your discomfort with men is a homophobic piece of shit. Yes, even that family of yours.
thank you anon
this is just me rambling but I've always gotten turned on by lesbian scenes (just kissing scenes, no porn - straight or gay - does anything for me) but have trouble considering myself bi because I can't see myself in a relationship with a woman. I wonder if people would say that's bi with a preference for men? idk though, I'm only physically attracted to men I like romantically. ah well it's not super important to me>>200994
I feel a bit similarly towards demisexuality, I find it and the people who use it pretty cringe and don't think it's necessary to have the label at all since it has nothing to do with /who/ you're attracted to and thus isn't really a sexuality, but it's the best word I have to explain how I experience attraction.
Is it normal, though? I agree it's not really worth the label, but I assumed most people could be easily aroused by strangers. Not actually considering sex with them because that would be risky and awkward, but definitely able to get off to the idea.
That said I am cursed with a scrote-tier libido.
Basically, porn means nothing. If you're not attracted to and
want to build a romantic relationship with women IRL then you don't actually "swing that way".
I'm not repulsed by dick, i just don't like dicks in a lesbian scenario. >>201073
I think that makes sense, i wish i could actually date someone but there are almost no gay women in my area (extremely homophobic country). I got to know two gay women two months ago, i miss them so much and i wish i could tell them my feelings. Also, could you please elaborate? why porn doesn't mean anything?
Maybe it’s worth thinking about how you want to live your life foremost and not necessarily how you identify or what percentage you would sleep with a woman.
Would you like to live a life where you date women or even marry one? Would you prefer being together with a man in the end? What sort of future do you want for yourself?
If you want to, I think there’s nothing wrong with dating women to figure it out, but from the other side those women who want to be taken seriously as viable romantic partners might feel frustrated, which was probably what caused the LolCow pushback. That said, there are quite a lot of women looking to experiment so you could also try hooking up with one of them if you really wanted to know. Honestly, even if you were upfront about wanting to figure out your sexuality, some women would be up for it. As long as everyone is on the same page.
>>203897>I haven't had any sexual desires towards irl males and find them repulsive outside of a sadist femdom fantasy (where I wouldn't do any sexual activities with them and just make them suffer)
nona, that's called being based.
jk though, I think you sound lesbian.
One of the cows that I follow is a lesbian with a lesbian friend group and a bunch of lesbian exes that all stay in touch with her… lately she and the people around her have been opening up about sex more in her vids and alot of it is about suddenly being open to being with men or having an ex who watches gay male porn all the time but never dates men. I really don't know what to make of stuff like that. It's a mindfuck to think about and try to make sense of.
In a way I get that peoples porn habits can weirdly just not line up with their irl sex life but I dunno. How much can you seperate 'fap material' from what you'd ever do in person. It's a tough one.
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I always thought I'm bisexual. I had only one sexual experience in my life and it was with a girl when I was 14. I'm 26 and I only now started dating (yes, I know, that's very late). I had two dates with two different guys, I had sexual fantasies about them but the moment I sat next to them and I got a closer look, they started to disgust me. I couldn't imagine kissing them on the lips etc. I don't have the same reaction when I sit next to women, but at the same time I don't even fantasize about women anymore. Maybe I was only attracted to the idealized versions of those men in my mind? I don't know. I have such tiny experience in dating and getting close to people, I have a hard time with describing my orientation. I fantasise about men more often than about women, yet the moment I get close to a man I found previously attractive, I find him repulsive, and it has nothing to do with any particular feature of his, I just find him gross overall. Now I'm very confused, I don't know if I'm bisexual at all. Or maybe I lived for so long in my autistic isolation, devoided of any interaction with males in the outside world, that, despite the attraction being there initially, now I simply find their form too alien for my tastes? I wasn't molested or anything. I'm so horny, I masturbate every day, so it's not like my libido is low or something. I just can't grasp the idea of kissing or fucking a guy for real, not just in my fantasies.
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I've been reading about compulsive heterosexuality and I was thinking about het pairings and I thought about Éowyn and Aragorn. I think that, even though she ends up with Faramir and genuinely loves him, she represents the idealisation of a hypothetical man so well, she thought she was in love with Aragorn as a man but she wasn't, she was in love with an idea, what he represented, and that feeling was made possible only by how unattainable he was.
I don't know how off topic or how much of a stretch this may seem like but it made me understand my attraction to men, and now I'm like 99% sure I'm actually a lesbian and not bi
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so this guy wants me to meet his gf for a threesome, im very nervous im afraid she'll think i'm dumb and ugly or something, its not a casual thing ive known the guy for a while and the girl and i want to get to know each other first, i'm not super interested in having a threesome because i feel like its very moid centered fantasy i'm more excited about the idea of having sex with a girl but i have couple of things on my mind 1-i never kissed or had sexual relations with a girl and i'm inexperienced with sex in general i wont have penetrative sex so idk if this is the best way to experiment with same sex 2-i've read other women's experiences with threesomes and how it made them insecure 3-i dont know if this girl is actually into girls or just going along with it for his bf. Ever since he brought it up ive been daydreaming about the girl and being in a throuple or just being lovers with her but its just daydreaming obviously i would never act on it. I'm going between -do it experience is experience they dont seem like a cringe couple - and -dont give into a male fantasy it you'll feel insecure and the girl will hate you-
Don't ask her on a date. She's taken and it'd be equally bad to get in the middle of their relationship, which is assuredly fucked up if they're pursuing a threesome. Honestly if I were you I wouldn't even want to be friends with that guy anymore. The fact that he's confessed to sexual thoughts about you ia creepy as fuck.
I understand social anxiety can make dating very scary. Regardless, that's something you'll have to get over if you want a long term, healthy relationship with another woman. Improve your self esteem and gain more nonsexual
life experience to help yourself along. Easier said than done, but there's a happy ending for you Nona. I promise.
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Why do so many zoomer girls say they're bi?
Is it all just one big larp to "enjoy their youth" because they think this somehow adds to their persona?
I can't even see myself with another woman emotionally, let alone have sex with her. A guy I dated recently was genuinely surprised I wasn't into girls at all, yes, really.
Many LARP as bi to gain social credit within certain social circles, I call them TikTok LARPers. They wouldn’t come near a woman sexually with a ten foot pole. There are actual ones, of course, but they tend to be the ones who don’t put much effort into broadcasting a certain identity at all. They just go for women right away.
Also, being bi can be appealing to men. Lesbian? Unshaven surly bitch! Bi? Edgy, sexy, just the right amount of masculine but still mainly feminine.
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Never attracted to moids sexually or romantically no matter what I try. Went on a road trip with the nicest, most non-threatening guy in the world, he paid for almost the entire thing and we ended up chatting on a lake under the stars followed by dinner and a hot tub and I thought I'd feel something but absolutely nada. I thought I was just really picky and had high standards and maybe only something really romantic could turn me on but all I could imagine was how nice it would be if he was a girl and how repulsed I felt everytime he tried to touch me. I don't know if I'm a lesbian either though because I've only had crushes on women in fiction or had weirdly intense platonic friendships with straight women. The one girlfriend I had, we dated casually for 3 months but I didn't feel any connection to her despite her being cute. I was also so nervous about having sex that I kept telling her I wasn't ready until she got angry and broke up with me.
I just feel like I'm broken somehow. I want to have an 'adult' relationship but I seem incapable of forming any kind of romantic bond with others. Maybe I'm asexual, maybe I'm just an autistic lesbian. I'm turning 27 soon and have never felt comfortable enough with anyone to have sex.
Same boat, I’ve tried going on a few dates (just to check it off, like you said) and felt nothing. I used to think that maybe I was just a late bloomer but now I’m getting into my late 20s. I think if a switch was gonna flip it would have happened by now. It’s a bummer because I’d really like to have a best friend to live my life with but who would want to spend their life with somebody who can’t love them back?
And before anyone goes off on me, yes I’ve gotten all the bloodwork done and have no hormonal abnormalities. No I’d don’t have any early trauma that would make me feel this way. At the end of the day though I usually operate on a “don’t tell unless I’m asked” basis with regards to sexuality, not because I’m hiding it but because I absolutely hate
people who use sexuality as an aesthetic or as the foundation of their personality rather than a minor character trait. Also I hate the people who say “I’m asexual but I love porn and masturbation and getting all goo-goo-lovey with other people, please validate that I’m speshuuul.
fanfiction is so detached from any type of reality, you're not even looking at depictions of male bodies of any sort. i was the same as a lesbian (as in i read m/m fics and am still a kpopsperg) and i do not think it a significant bearing on your sexuality. there's just a far greater abundance and diversity in m/m fics, the male characters are often very clearly written by women (because they're actually interesting kek) & for me at least, the sex scenes were far more about the words exchanged than any lurid descriptions of their bodies, which i tend to dislike.
as long as you're not fantasizing about yourself with kpop boys or fictional ones or whatever, i don't think it makes you bisexual. old habits just die hard, kek.
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I'm in my early 30's and have no idea of what I am or what I like, if anything… I never had an interest in relationships/sex from puberty to age 28. I decided to get into one because I suddenly had an interest in the mechanics of sex.
I had one partner (male) and the sex part was uncomfortable at best and excruciating all other times. Could not get into it AT ALL. This was a couple years ago and the more time that passes, the harder I cringe when I think about it.
As of now, I positively wither at the thought of having sex with a man. Like, I'd rather have my fingers broken than do that again. I've never had any kind of relationship or encounter with a woman. I've thought about it but feel so disconnected from all types of intimacy. Maybe I need therapy to deal with the first relationship. He was an alcoholic that enjoyed scaring people.
All I know for sure is, the door to having sex with men is a welded shut one. Never again. I try not to dwell on the fact that I DID have sex with a man because obviously there's nothing that can be done about it haha.
You know what, it sounds like you already know for yourself, but it doesn’t have to impact your life as you’re already taken. You like women a little, and men more, and there’s absolutely no pressure to tell anyone, they’re just your inclinations. You may feel you can only romance men too, and will probably end up with one. Plus, it’s natural to be pickier with men as female reproduction is high labour and high risk. So yeah, I’m mostly just saying if you love your relationship don’t throw it away, relationships are about exclusivity and saying ‘no’ too, and don’t feel pressured to tell people if you don’t want to, if that’s what you’re worried about. Just a human with feelings tbh
I’m exclusively attracted to the weird shit like (male) monsters, robots, AI, and aliens, but honestly, it isn’t even that sexual, more like heart pangs (hes so cute my heart) things like that
I’ve never been turned by a person.
I’ve dated a dude but I wasn’t ever turned on, and the love was nothing else than platonic, really how I’d feel about a brother. Sex was torture, even though he was such a gentle person.
I guess i unironically was born in the wrong generation, actually, the wrong century
So I’m not the anon, but this is almost my situation, except for my bf has openly supporting me exploring my sexuality with women, separate from him and I (as in, he doesn’t want to be a third, but wants to support me and give me room to grow) .
And I am so thankful we could talk about our wants, and that it didn’t make him angry or insecure.
However, now I’m daunted by putting myself out there, and I don’t know how to selectively find people who are down for experimenting…. I should have done this at 20 but I’m a late bloomer and I don’t want to waste anyones time.
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my mom and all her side of the family (she has 13 brothers and sisters) are homophobic as fuck and ultra religious. ive known i like girls my entire life. but i didnt tell my mom till i was 20 and i had been in a relationship with my ex gf for like 3 years in secret to my family. i finally left the closet fully then a year or two later i broke up with that gf.
i decided to experiment and tried dating men. my longest relationship was 4 years with a woman, but i only managed 1 year with a man. i started having doubts about my sexuality again this year and if i truly like men or if i just like the easy attention they give me everytime. when i told close friends about this they told me i was just a lesbian in denial, since ive considered myself lesbian most of my life and all my attempts to date men have gone horribly. it just made me more confused so i stopped mentioning it and stopped giving labels to myself deliberately.
now im dating a woman again and its someone i like a lot.
but we are not even a month into the relationship and one of my friends introduced me as her "lesbian best friend" to someone again… i dont feel like i should be mad, cause i know i claimed i was a lesbian for years before "experimenting" but i still felt like… idk… kinda weird…
i dont enjoy sex with men like i do with women and ive never felt love with men as i have with women which i know is pretty fucking gay but i just think theres more to it… or am i just the self hating lesbian like they say? who knows
Ngl anon, but he’s most likely supportive because you want to hook up with women and he doesn’t consider women a threat (since for straight men sex between two women isn’t “real” sex) and as a possibility for him to maybe get a threesome
Keep that in mind
I'm 100% straight and never got turned on by women unfortunately
The >muh straight women get horny by women too!1
Is totally a porn brainrot driven male fantasy and narrative.
I'd say you're bi.
I think there was a study where they stuck probes in the vaginas of straight women and made them watch lesbian porn. They all became physically aroused despite identifying as straight.
So I'm wondering whether I'm straight-aroused by naked women or bi-aroused by naked women
>>221105>I think there was a study where they stuck probes in the vaginas of straight women and made them watch lesbian porn. They all became physically aroused despite identifying as straight.
maybe there was more than one study, but I think the study you're talking about they hooked up some kind of machines to the women's genital areas and it monitored the bloodflow to their genitals. someone posted a study like that awhile back trying to argue that no woman is actually straight and then went to the lesbian thread to shit it up too.
anyway, that study is probably somewhat BS like many "studies". arousal for men is mostly just physical but arousal for women is a mix of physical and psychological (look up arousal nonconcordance). in other words their bodies might be responding but their brains aren't.
another thing to be aware of is that many women (myself included) are more aroused by sensuality and the movements of the people having sex rather than who is having sex (I remember hearing this other places but don't have a source unfortunately). lesbian porn tends to be a lot more sensual in nature, I think this is why a lot of women prefer it. straight and gay male porn are all about zooming up on the genitals and pounding them til they become inflamed.
I actually read a counter-theiry that the reason why most men have erections to what they're actually into (ex: gay men pop boners to pictures of men while straight men do towards women, etc.), but most women regardless of sexuality will lubricate from seeing any sexual stimulus (if i recall correctly, animal mating videos were shown in that study alongside straight and lesbian porn, and i doubt any of the women in it were bestialists), is a form of physical protection to make sexual assault less painful…
Another perspective i read from straight women who used to think they might be bi was that seeing models and male-gazey media from a young age sort of instinctively made them associate femininity with sexiness and thought maybe that equaled attraction to women, despite only being emotionally invested in men
In my case it's not just lesbian porn that turns me on, it's non-sexualised naked women too.
But that might be because in my brain sex and female nudity are linked, therefore it triggers
I don't get turned on by images of naked men, but I do fantasise about men almost exclusively and I find them so hot.
I think I'm probably just a bit bisexual like 99% of people and I shouldn't overthink it…
I'm curious about fucking women and would like to try it at some point, but I never lust after women like I do with men.
Although I think when I was like 13-14 I did have a lot of sexual fantasies about women (like every night when masturbating), mostly being dominated by a woman or sucking boobs. And going back in time even further than that, I did have dreams that 'felt good' involving women, although there was no sex since I didn't even know what sex was.
Although as an adult (I'm 28) I exclusively fantasise about men, and I don't develop feelings for women.
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I've hated being straight since I was a young teenager, and I think I've been trying to force a greater attraction to women for just as long. eventually I'm going to finally accept my celibate identity.
sure. being chronically online from a young age has exposed me to the pervasiveness of male depravity and misogyny. men expressing interest in me puts me off, and the thought of myself being sexual with a one disgusts me- but I still find attraction to some of them.
I believe I have an attraction to women to a lesser extent, but I wouldn't want to subject another to a relationship when the only thing I can guarantee is a romantic attraction.
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all my life (i am 18) and ever since i was meant to start developing (9-11) i have identified as a lesbian, and i still do, but lately i have started having my doubts.
firstly, my first unrequited love was an FTM (so female) but i used to forget they were even female in the first place both because i respected them a lot/was in love with them and due to my memory problems. i am still so used to thinking of them as a man that its hard for me to revert back to calling them a woman again.
anyway, i dont remember anything about my childhood, so i cant say if anything traumatic happened to me, however i have proof from old diaries from primary school on how i thought most if not all men were rapists/creeps, and i was also a major misandrist at school picking fights and harassing boys for no other reason than i hated them for being male (not in a radfem sense i didnt know anything i was 6-11 years old lol. like cooties only i didnt care about that and i just really did not like males of any age even staff and teachers)
ive always heavily preferred the female form anyway, as it looked a lot less grotesque, but i dont exactly see myself realistically in a longterm relationship with another girl, but mostly its because i dont feel worthy of that, lol. and i am much more comfortable with females of all ages than i am with males but that is a given; although not as comfortable at all once i am attracted to them (knees start wobbling, cheeks turn red, etc.) .
last night, i had a dream wherein i had a significant other that was male and enjoyed my time with him. (nothing sexual, just having fun and sleeping with one another in the literal sense). but at the same time, i found myself reminiscing today about an old crush i had on a girl again. so IDK what to think or how to feel.
as for sexuality: i dont like thinking about anything erotic in nature and avoid all topics in relation to that, so i dont really know. but back when i was addicted to pornography i felt like male genitalia was revolting and only focused on the female, never the male as they looked ridiculous and disgusting no matter what.
my question is: am i just bisexual ?
sorry for the retardedness i have autism.
ps: i am a celibate virgin, never been in a relationship in my life
The way you write >identified as a lesbian>female female female (instead of women)>knees start wobbling, cheeks turn red, thats what happens to girls amirite fellow ladies?>back when i was addicted to pornography
and the weird anime picture really makes you sound like a tranny
this is terrible advice, not gonna lie. most enbies are obnoxious and even ftms who aren't logged on or fujoshi wouldn't really be comfortable dating a confused/self-hating lesbian
not being able to see yourself with a woman, despite being attracted to them, is internalized lesbophobia, it's not something to feed into by opting to date women who identify as men, especially when they look less feminine form-wise when they take hormones or get surgery
Have considered this, and it still throws a wrench into any plans of trying to figure my shit out. Both sides of the family are raised Christian and hold tight to "marry a man and have a family", but I'm sitting in my late 20s having had no sex or been kissed before. As of about middle of last year due to some issues I've had with a friend, I actively began to consider being asexual and aromantic: despite masturbation, I don't have any interest in sex and it tends to be something to burn energy with before I fall asleep, and romance sounds great and I've fantasized loads of times about falling into a great relationship with someone, but the idea of trying to keep up one makes me extremely anxious. For the two guys I've dated and the others that have shown interest, I couldn't get myself to emotionally connect with them to keep that relationship going. I've talked about all of this with said friend, and they've said it's okay, but I still feel as though I need to push that idea back into the darkness, lock it up, and just settle with some bloke before I get too old. I've also considered lesbianism, but the idea of sex still doesn't interest me. It just feels like something is wrong with me because of it all.
I am 223738 anon, and that doubt behind "aromantic" is part of why I struggle with accepting either label. I did a long stint on tumblr when the label got most of its traction, so while it seems to fit me, I also know it carries the "ew tumblr" reputation that is hard to shake. >>223748
may also be right that the guys I dated just weren't right for me, and it can be a lack of experience for both things. I'm just not really in a position to actively date around and look for someone due to IRL priorities that also weigh me down.
anon here, I guess I am indeed truly dissociated from the idea of myself being in a relationship. I do not self insert in ships but I also genuinely do not even see myself in a real life relationship with anyone, male or female. however I have been attracted to real life women and I can somewhat see myself having sex with them, but not real life men.
like I said in the previous post, I have a "harem" of imaginary women I'm attached to, mostly video game characters and OCs, that I pair with each other or male characters because I feel I'm not good enough for them. male characters are never OCs though, because I do not even have male OCs, my mind just can't bring itself to make up a man from scratch. I guess I am attracted to some extent to the male characters too, but more in the way of admiring them and thinking how hot they would look with my waifus.
I'm probably bisexual/kinsey 5?while I want nothing to do with real men, I don't think actual lesbians can get aroused even by fictional men or fantasize about heterosexual sex even without the self insertion.
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I think I figured it out
I just turned 20 and I still have never dated anyone, mostly because I spent my high school years completely self-isolating.
I now identify as bisexual even though I don’t think I’ve ever said the word outloud, but it’s weird because whenever I see a cute guy my brain goes “wait, aren’t you gay? Oh yeah you’re bi.”
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Hey anons, I want to talk about the difference between male attraction and female attraction.
Recently I was reflecting upon a past relationship. I thought was asexual and then a lesbian because I had crushes towards men but was never physically attracted to them. I even speculated if most of my attraction was based on anxiety confronting idealization and a constant feeling of not feeling sure if what I'm doing is what I actually want to do.
Then I met a guy who I felt really attracted to in a manic, obsessive way and I was absolutely sure I was sexually attracted to him. Then I did a lot of stuff that would probably cause a lot of anons to mock me so I'm not going to bring that upon myself. All you need to know that I was like pic related. I do know that in the end I realized I repressed a lot on how I felt not only about men but towards everyone in order to live up to some ideal I felt I needed to achieve. I didn't know how to live in the moment and judge my feelings solely on that.
Now that I have been doing that for a while I realize just how weird my attraction to men was. It's all over the place, requires tons of cope (not unusual btw), but really requires me to think like a scrote in order for me to be attracted to them. The last part once I realized it really stuck with me because my attraction to women is nothing like that. It's a lot less powerful but feels deeper and consistent.
Like, I don't think every woman is hot. I do notice and feel drawn to them if a woman has some features I like. Imagining sex with a woman is way easier and requires more emotional and psychological intimacy than the actual act itself (or the former makes the latter more enjoyable). I don't masturbate to women but I think that has more to do with porn rotting my brain so that I find women in degrading straight sex more appealing than what's in my mind. I don't daydream about my future with a woman all the time but when I do it feels more natural and requires less lying.
I now think I'm a lesbian but I'm sticking with being bi for the moment. I mock men for viewing women like sex objects and judging their sexuality on a flawed framework but that bullshit has literally leaked into how I judge my sexuality. Being sexually attracted to someone is important but unless you were primed to ignore all the emotional needs like a man then it's just … weird.
Yes, I know how stupid this sounds; I'm painfully autistic. I just keep reading a lot of posts in this thread and I just wondered if anyone can give their input on this. I know some anons use feminist analysis when they're considering sexuality.
Honestly, I don't even know at this point. There are some traits I find aesthetically appealing in both men and women, but I've never in my life looked at a person and thought "wow, I wanna tap that". While I get off a couple times per month, I feel it's more out of boredom or as a way to relieve tension, not because I saw something hot and needed to take care of that immediately. The whole idea of sex just seems unappealing and uncomfortable, and on top of that, romance and stuff like cuddling or kissing just doesn't appeal to me either. Even when I was young I never had a childhood crush, was always bored of romance on TV and watching porn made me queasy. Honestly, I wish I could just marry a great friend of any gender and live together while supporting each other, having deep conversations at nights and going out for walks together without ever having to see them naked. No idea why that is, I don't have a mental illness or any sexual trauma, just, for some reason, the idea of staying a single virgin forever doesn't even sound like something bad to me, it's the opposite I don't want. One of my relatives has an old friend who never married and adopted a son and I kinda secretly look up to him, kek
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I was attracted to women since puberty and have enjoyed being sexual with women but I feel weird about my attraction to women because I am extremely judgmental of women and hold women to extreme standards, not really in appearance but in personality. In appearance, I like butch-leaning girls but like, I manage to find flaws even in women who I am perfectly attracted to and sabotage budding relationships with them, even if their personality fits me, I manage to find something. I have an arrogantly high self-esteem and am quick to see write off people and I wonder if I am attracted to women at all if I judge them so harshly for no reason, make fun of them, be mean to them? Like, I don't get what's the deal because I have always been surrounded by women since birth, haven't had any men in my family or friends circle so it can't be like male-thinking that rubbed off on me because I have not had a single meaningful conversation with a man, ever. Can anyone else relate or make sense of this? I have always been into women in a romantic and sexual way but at the same time, can't form relationships because I always blow it by finding some meaningless flaw in her and think she's annoying. Am I even a lesbian at this point?
You're not being harsh, it's true. I have been trying to be a little better but it's hard. The thing is, every single lesbian or bisexual woman I've known has never been similar to me in this regard, they love women's personalities and their little quirks and stuff, I don't feel the same, and it makes me wonder if I really am not a lesbian? I'be be kissing her stomach then look up at her and think "wow, the face she's making is so ugly." It makes me doubt my attraction to women and my sexuality.
I like being with women but at the same, I am so critical over the stupidest things. Funny because I'm far from a catch myself, I'm annoying to be around and ugly. Maybe it's some weird coping mechanism that I reject them before they can? My mother and suster has always, always been very critical of my face, my body, my self, maybe it transferred to me kek.>>245710
I'd accept an nlog accusation but I'm not a pickme.
>>245810>I'be be kissing her stomach then look up at her and think "wow, the face she's making is so ugly."
anon wtf. I'm sorry because I know you didn't choose to be this way but you're a giant bitch, please stop dating until you fix yourself. >Maybe it's some weird coping mechanism that I reject them before they can? My mother and suster has always, always been very critical of my face, my body, my self, maybe it transferred to me kek.
Yeah it sounds like you're extremely insecure and projecting that onto other women. I had some similar issues when I was young, I'm a lesbian but was insecure so I'd nitpick minor imperfections the way neckbeards do, the '2/10 pig disgusting' mindset. If you want to fix yourself, you need to fix your own self esteem. Watch your own orgasm face in the mirror until you stop cringing over it and then try to extend that lack of cringe to other women. Also get away from the internet, mainstream media, any space where nitpicking women is encouraged. Surrounding yourself with images of normal women might help too.
Thanks a lot, you guys are right and I've sort of known it, I suppose. It's all projection on my part. My weirdly high self-esteem is kind of a fraud lol. I think I'll refrain from any romantic relationships for the time being and focus on my own problems. Take you guys' advice on doing something about my own self-hatred. I do desire intimacy and closeness but yeah, it's won't work out right now even I can tell I keep sabotaging it. I sort of suspected that maybe I'm just not into girls at all because of this, maybe that's not true.>>245819
Interesting anon, I've never had issues with sex, just, everything else.
>>228322>Another big reason I haven't tried is because of the goldstar shit and I feel like end of the day I'm just an annoying spicy straight who would waste another girl's time with my uncertainty bullshit.
I feel this. I'm so weird around girls, I get crushes and drive away friends for thinking friendly signals are romantic. I feel like I'm obsessed with the idea of being with a girl, but maybe it's just me fetishizing them. I'll just be content with playing straight now.
With that role thing I can actually offer advice to you anon. I have had one long term relationship with a woman. I was the "femme" one and she was more "masc". Still, I was more dominant in bed (she was actually a pillow princess pretty much), I did the house work renevation power drill stuff. Other lesbian couples around us were not "traditional" in any way either, in many cases the most butchy bad b women were submissive in bed and wanted to be pegged down etc lol. There's really not a set script for lesbian relationships in a way heterosexual ones do.
If you no longer have romantic or sexual feelings for women don't force yourself to.
I don't know why you need to cling to the bi or former lesbian label unless you're fishing for queer points
if it makes you feel any better i have seen bisexual people refer to something like this as “bi cycling” as dumb as that term sounds. essentially when a bisexual person’s attraction is like exclusively gay and then switches to exclusively straight at some point but may switch around again at some point in the future too. it can be confusing because it can feel like you’ve just changed sexualities but some bisexual people think it’s just a normal part of bisexuality that not every bi person experiences.
i’ve also read articles about men who used to think they were 100% gay and then realised at some point that they were suddenly very attracted to women, married and fell in love with women etc. it wasn’t out of like internalised homophobia or social pressure and some of these men made careers up until that point off being gay but it just randomly happened that they found themselves attracted to women. and i think the same thing can be said for women who thought they were straight until later in life and then they fell in love with a woman.
at the end of the day there’s still so much we don’t know about how sexuality works and a lot of the time labels are more for social identity and belonging. you don’t owe anyone an explanation of your sexuality and should be free to label or not label yourself however you please.
I'm confused about my sexuality. I was so sure that I was straight for ages, ever since I even knew what sexuality was. When I was little I was attracted to male actors in the shows i watched and I had a crush on a male classmate of mine in elementary.
Here's the thing though, when I found out my classmate liked me back I was genuinely upset. I remember laying in bed cursing him out in my head for liking me back, because I didn't want things to progress, I just wanted to continue liking him. This was when I was around 10 or 11 I believe and that was my first and last serious (I say this very lightly) romantic interaction with a guy in real life. The only other times I've had romantic exchanges with guys in real life were online and I ended things before they could progress far.
Day to day, I don't find men in real life attractive. The only guys I'm actually attracted to are celebrities of a specific genre and even then they have to be seriously attractive for me to consider them good enough. Most famous western male celebrities are ugly to me. When it comes to girls however, I often find them attractive and cute. In real life, I often see pretty girls and go "wow you're so pretty" in my head.
I also think it's hard for me to determine my sexuality because I'm not a particularly sexual person and I'm not very interested in sex at all. I have a low libido and I don't imagine myself having sex often at all and It's not very appealing to imagine it, especially piv sex. The only thing i can really get off to is media to do with stimulating the outside, which is why I often resort to lesbian media when I masturbate (which is not that often kek).
TDLR, I find 1 out of 1000 men attractive in a "i want to kiss you and hug you and cuddle" type of way, but not really in a "i want to fuck you" way. I find 1 in like 5 women attractive, but I'm not sure what type of attraction it is. I feel comfortable with the thought of kissing women non-sexually but I'm not sure about going further than that.
This was mostly to get it off my chest so sorry if it's incoherent kek
Asexuality has almost nothing to do with libido. I thought it was health-related, too, but I realized that no amount of sex drive or romantic attraction to someone would change how I felt towards sex.>>246638
Thank you nonny
! I agree. Sex is treated as such an integral part of relationships and modern life but I find it more exciting to experience relationships and life without it.
No offense nonny
but you sound misinformed
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I keep having very vivid dreams where i’m making out with women but it’s like, very intense and I always wake up before it gets any further and it’s really giving me the biggest sexuality crisis ever. I’ve never really questioned my sexuality much but these dreams are making me rethink everything because I always wake up mad that I didn’t get further and now I can’t stop thinking about wanting to go out with a woman. I’ll even daydream throughout the day at school/work trying to continue the dreams but it’s not the same. i’m going insane. I need a woman to kiss me so I can know if it’s just weird dream magic or if i’m actually attracted to women.
I'm the kind of the same way, anon. Male genitalia seriously grosses me out and, quite honestly, disturbs me. But I can find men (penis aside) attractive sometimes. Maybe this isn't what you want to hear, but I honestly think it has to be a sort of sexual disfunction. I was exposed to the internet very early in life and so I saw a lot of male degeneracy. I think this has had a horrible effect on my sexuality and is the reason I'm in this situation.
I've read that autistic women will typically have problems understanding or experiencing sexual attraction. I am not autistic, but I have pretty autistic tendencies, and I tend to overthink abstract ideas and notions because I just can't seem to "get it" if there are no sets of rules to follow, and what will happen is that I will end up in a worse state. Overthinking things about yourself is a surefire way to forget who you actually are.
Sorry for blogpost, but your experience spoke to me because I'm in the same boat.
This is probably shitty advice, but I would suggest keeping it in the back of your mind and focus on other things. Sometimes all you need is to come back with a clearer point of view.
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Summary: I have a creeping suspicion I'm just a straight woman with such an intense hatred for men that I'm incapable of being attracted to them and a sexualized/fetishistic view of women, which I confuse with genuine attraction. Is that a thing?
Long, spergy, clusterfuck version, which I'll try to break into different points regarding different aspects for anyone who might be interested for some reason. I'm asking for advice, or even just for someone to call me an idiot. This has been on my mind non-stop ever since coming out and my head is just so full of it. A part of me writing this all down is so that I can get it out of my system.
1, My relationship with men:
I never really liked men.
When I was in kindergarten, there was this boy who once teasingly called me his girlfriend and I yelled back, "I'm not your girlfriend." It was in a joking manner, I think, and I remember being happy, but that was generally a happy era of life and I did not have any feelings towards him. I considered him a friend.
In primary school, an older boy (12-13 year old I guess, can't really remember) sat opposite to me in the cafeteria and asked if the food was any good. (In hindsight, what the fuck, I was like 6 or 7 and I didn't know him at all kek) At home, I told my mom as if this was some amazing story and I felt a kind of joy that a boy interacted with me. Nothing followed – I never thought about him again.
When I was ten, I think I had some sort of 'crush' on a guy that must've been 14 or 15. We did theater together (sorry, not really sure what you'd call it in Enlgish). We must have spoken 4-5 times maximum (and I mean, like, a few sentences, not hours of hanging out). All I remember is that one time he insulted me and that one time he said my name during a game and that felt kinda nice in that moment. I told a friend who also did theater and whenever she teased me about him I'd act all angry but tell her she could continue, because it also made me feel kinda giddy. It went away fast. Obviously, I was really young, and I didn't have any sexual or even romantic thoughts about him. Didn't want to hold his hand, kiss, whatever, I didn't want anything from him. Didn't want to talk to him either, and I didn't look at him more often or try to meet his eyes. I still consider this a crush, because I remember some kind of feeling. No clue what it was.
Same year, I had a crush on Martin Freeman lmao. I imagined what it'd be like to meet him if I was a famous actress but even my 10 year old mind felt how gross that would be so imagined he had a son who matched me in age. That didn't do it, and I eventually just stopped thinknig about him. Again, no sexual or romantic thoughts, just a kind of 'admiration', but I never felt this way about women, so I consider it a crush. (Oh I also read some gay Sherlock fanfiction bc I guess I did want to imagine him in some kind of sexual setting but it did absolutely nothing, also I knew him only from The Hobbit and I remember reading his Wikipedia page kek.)
As a 10-11 year old, many of my friends were developing crushes on boys. I picked this guy from my class and told the previously mentioned friend about him. I wrote in my diary how I could imagine having sex with him. I could not. Still, I felt like I had something to prove. No feelings, no interest in him.
Still in primary school, maybe around 5th or 6th grade, I saw a boy in the 8th grade who I thought had a pretty face. Never talked to him, didn't feel anything, none. If I saw him during a break, I'd think to myself, 'nice face'.
In the first year of high school, I thought a girl and a guy from my class (I didn't really know them at that point, acted very fucking autistic during the first couple months) would start dating soon. No idea what I based this asumption off of, maybe because they'd occasionally talk. I felt weirdly jealous. This lasted a week.
A bit later, some of my friends started saying they ship (cringe) me with a classmate. They were all like, 'ooh, I know you have a crush on him'. I never considered him attractive before, I barely noticed him, but their words started something and I tried talking more to him. I would look at him more often during class and when he complimented me a couple of times or if we managed to have a good conversation, I'd feel pretty good about it. I also made a big deal out of wishing happy birthday to him, as in, I'd remember his birthday. He didn't do the same kek. In breaks, I'd often stand in a spot where he could come talk to me if he wanted but I never approached him on my own. We mostly talked politics or history, sometimes I was trying to impress him or surprise him with some more interesting piece of information. Never imagined what it'd be like to be his girlfriends, didn't want to kiss him or touch him or anything. This is out of pocket, but on one occasion I switched to a thought of him as I came. Felt gross after. I guess this situation did last kinda long, but a lot of the times when he came to talk to me I wished he'd leave and if he said something cringy in class I felt so embarassed. One time he asked for my notes and I typed it all out for him, to make sure he could read it all.
I lowkey liked a teacher once. He was nice to me and understood math, which was like this insane feat kek. He didn't look bad for his age. I considered him a 'friend'. We weren't friends, obviously, but we had banter. I tried to fantasize about him, but didn't really enjoy it, and could barely look into his eyes after. Didn't last a month. I did refer to him as my crush in my diary, though.
As a 12 year old, I read yaoi fanfiction about the members of Green Day and kinda tried to self-insert. Didn't do much for me.
Possibly the worst part of this entire stream of autism: for like 2 years (I think it's mostly gone now but he's still weirdly hot to me in a way) I wanted to fuck a certain, very unimportant side character from an infamous horror film. He has like 3 lines. The actor himself looked like shit before and after that movie. In my fantasies, he'd still wear clothes (an uniform, specifically. Normal clothes wouldn't look good on him). I wouldn't wanna see his naked body. It's mostly his vibe that I was into, his behavior in the film unforunately, and his face actually looked quite nice back then. Aside from the fantasies, I had a couple of dreams where he appeared, and in a few of them we had some kind of romantic connection. In one, he held my hands, in another, he stroked my cheeks. I felt really happy after waking up, because I'm fucking retarded. At this point, I honestly think he was the only man I ever considered fuckable. If he (or rather, the character he played) appeared in my bedroom right now, I don't know if I'd turn down sex with him. I feel like he'd be a shit lay.
Literally every other man is repulsive and unfuckable to me. Bland at best, but most of them look terrible in my eyes. I see something beautiful in almost all women I meet, I can imagine being intimate with many of them, with men, that number is a 0.
2, Men's relationship with me:
Men never really liked me.
I've always been tall and fat. Looked older than my actual age. I received a lot of 'abuse' for that, for lack of a better word.
When I was 10, I was with a friend at the playground. It was summer, I was wearing shorts. A man in his 40s approached us with his buddies and asked me how old I was, with that look in his eyes that only men are capable of having.
From that age onward, random men and boys on the street have felt comfortable shouting at me from passing cars, making comments as they walked past me. The way I looked played a key part in how I was bullied by classmates in primary school. This is of course not a unique experience, and most women have it way worse. Unlike them, I was rarely noticed by men, but when I was, I was berated for posessing a body they did not find attractive, or, on the contrary, was preyed on. Fortunately, I was never SAd, so at least that never had a chance in warping my view of sexuality.
3, Feeling like a disgusting 50 year old man:
For as long as I can remember, I always kind of… saw myself as a nasty, creepy dude, rather than a young woman. I'm not talking about 'but I FEEL like a man' type troonery, I mean having this inner image of myself where I'm weird and predatory and shouldn't be around women. Maybe this has something to do with me relating more to my dad as a kid and ending up feeling more masculine because of it, I don't know. Even in primary school, I'd have problems with looking girls in the eye or just looking at them for a longer amount of time. I was terrified that they would think I was a lesbian. I even had a phase where I looked up the symptoms of lesbianism and doing 'am I gay' quizzes. Really wanted to be straight. I had a pretty strange relationship with my friends, physical contact was a big no-no, we hugged each other like once a year, and we had to declare that we 'were not faggots' before doing it. In hindsight, we acted like boys or something. My issues with physical contact and looking at girls continued in high school. However, I met my best friends there, and slowly but surely got more comfortable around women, and I don't feel like a creep that often now. (More on this later) Eye contact with random women on like public transport is still weird though, and women my age (19-20) who I'm not familiar with can still make me think of myself as a gross male. Even if I don't find them attractive. I could elaborate and talk about this for hours to really explain everything, but it's not necessary and nobody is reading this anyways.
In the past, even like a year ago, I had bouts of wanting to be a man, either aesthetically or regarding traits which are generally seen as masculine. Completely over that now. I'm developing my own style and can dress quite masc when I feel like it, but the balding and the floppy tube of meat males have doesn't seem appealing.
As an 11 year old, I went through a phase where I thought I might be non-binary. Never told anyone, never did anything about it, didn't make up a dumb fucking name for myself, just let it stay in my head. Didn't interact with genderspecials and that probably saved me. Got over it pretty fast, just forgot about it eventually.
There was also a thing where I wanted to look and act like certain men, and at the time I wrote it off as attraction. Looking back, I never wanted to do anything with those men. I wanted to resemble them, to have a similar style or similar mannerisms.
I'm not going to get into the gory details. Read hardcore yaoi manga at 11 and 12 years old, mostly rape, got off on it, didn't imagine myself as either of the characters. Started watching porn at 11, I focused only on the women, tried watching like solo male shit but it never did anything for me. Same with hentai.
Years later got into audio shit, I preferred solo female stuff, the men always sounded repulsive. After I stopped watching porn, I mostly fantasized about women, and as I was cumming, I'd switch to the thought of a random scrote to make it 'straight.' Thoughts of men would not get me off. But here's the thing, I didn't imagine myself doing anything with a woman, but rather a woman being fucked or her body or lesbian shit or anything but I wasn't playing a part. Nowadays I do include myself in the fantasies, but I feel like discovering porn at such a young age destroyed my psyche and I'll never get to discover my authentic sexuality. Maybe I'm not into women at all. Maybe when I end up having sex with one, I won't be into it, because it was just some fetish. Like, I can't imagine that happening, but I hate my stupid ass so fucking much for consuming all that garbage in the past.
This is the point where I will probably lose anyone who could be reading this, because what I'm about to say combined with everything else I've already said might start to sound like political lesbianism. For a long time, I considered myself aromantic (doubt that's actually a thing now), and just reaaaally picky with the men I found attractive. After getting into radical feminism and becoming a practicing misandrist (I could write a fuckton about this as well, but it's not really necessary), I started exploring my attraction to women. Firstly, I wanted to know whether it was really there. I started to appreciate women and to see them in ways I never thought were possible. It felt like I suddenly found something I was deeply repressing my entire life.
I can't deny that my hatred of men is something that has been growing for years now, and really blossomed in the past few months. I don't know if that affected my sexuality somehow.
6, Ok this is pure retardation:
I have a lesbian friend who is cool and self confident, has a cool sense of fashion and her parents are fucking loaded. What if I'm subconciously trying to copy her, if I just wanna be like her bc I think that then I can get all the other things she has as well?
I came to the conclusion that I was bisexual. But now I'm at the point where I don't see anything 'bi' about myself. I think I'm a lesbian. But could it be that due to porn consumption and the media's sexualized depiction of women I'm just falsely believing that? What if I'm not attracted to them at all and just kinda….thinking that I am? I've never been in a relationship and am a virgin, in case you couldn't tell, lol. What if there ARE attractive men and I AM capable of being into one?
I told my friends when I drunkenly came out that I'm 'not straight' and 'bi', and that was like half a year ago. It's pretty much an open thing that I'm gay. Literally nobody considers me bi. When I came out to my mom, I straight up told her I'm gay. I didn't want her to think there was ever any chance of me getting with a man, and bisexual kind of implies that. I didn't want that at all.
There's a girl in my friend group I really like. I think I have a crush on her. However, I'm worried that I'm just forcing it on myself to prove how gay I am. Idk.
I've been typing this shit for like two hours now, literally nobody will read it, I sound like a schitzo, I'm tired and I know this is barely coherent, I could talk abt all of this so much more but I just want to sleep and this is all pointless anyways. Sorry for any grammar mistakes. If you made it this far, give a bitch some advice, would you?
It’s tough to really know what you enjoy sexually based on fanfiction and porn alone, and it’s kind of silly to base a huge chunk of your identity on your sexuality if you’ve never actually experienced sex. If you like a girl in your friend group, be honest with her about your feelings (that you like her, but you’re inexperienced and not 100% sure you like girls) and shoot your shot. The worst thing she can do is say no. If you date her and realize you’re not into pussy, at least you will have been honest with her up front. I’m bisexual and I’m not particularly attracted to the genitalia of either sex, and I’m not attracted to every person, they have to have a good combination of looks/personality for me to like them. 75% of both men and women are not up to my standards due to their looks, personality, or a combination of both. Obviously men who harass women on the street are subhuman and don’t even deserve to live, you can’t base attraction to men on that. Also don’t worry about what you thought/did in elementary school, our brains aren’t fully formed until we’re 25.
You're right. OP is actively fantasizing about it, while I only desire it when I think about it, even more reason to believe she's bisexual.>>256420
Yes, omg, I'm not having this convo again.
maybe i'm not picking up on sarcasm but that's just being gay. >>256536
why would they call themselves straight if they're looking for kweer points, they are probably just confused. i know how some straight women watch lesbian porn and maybe that plays a part, lesbian porn is pretty shit though.
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God I am so sexually frustrated.
I’ve been having a sexual resurgence after seeing Bosco’s Swept Away lipsync performance. It’s so crazy that I had a few dreams about it.
I watched a handful of clips on burlesquefest on YT which featured real women doing burlesque and although it was mesmerising and I find the women highly attractive it just didn’t elicit the same response that I had with Bosco. I wanted to stride him and kiss him on the neck, jaw, and let him do whatever to me.
Before this I had considered myself a low libido and mostly straight (in fantasies not irl????) I rarely get turned on and when I do it is triggered by the women in inevitable sex scenes in films and when a scene sticks I continued on to porn…I like seeing women pleasuring themselves, trembling, soft gasps and moans. Male solo jack off scenes does nothing to me. My sexual fantasies usually consists of men caressing me and kissing me all over. The men MUST be non descriptive even though I find a handful of celebrities attractive, I don’t imagine them in sexual positions. For experiences IRL, I grew up religious and am celibate. I don’t feel comfortable around men even those who are in the same social circle as me. I just do not have have any inclination to be close to any man irl I just want to have Bosco.
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I think I might be gay?
I've always liked women, not a single doubt there and I've known about it very early on. Called myself bisexual since I found out about the definition.
However, I have no idea if I like men. Never had crushes on them or found them interesting. I had a bf, it was a ldr ltr so we weren't constantly together. I avoided having sex with him in general, only did it to make him happy, never felt the need myself.
The most I can imagine myself doing now with a man is maybe making out but that's really it. Been single for 5 years now and I've become repulsed by dick, didn't bother to date men, don't find the vast majority attractive or care about them in general.
The only thing I kind of "miss" is feeling safe. Never been with a woman so I guess I'd feel safe with a woman too but idk.
I'm just worried to call myself a lesbian simply due to the shit the lesbian community already has to go through.
Pic not related I just love oriental shorthair cat
I'm replying to you but it goes for all women that are in your situation that are all over the thread.
It happened to me, but in my case I also got very infatuated with a female friend as my first teenage love, and first heartbreak too as I went balls to the wall "I love you" after getting too drunk. This combined with being turned on by women in porn and IRL, especially exagerated attributes like you, big asses and big breasts, made me almost certain I was bisexual from ages 16 to 22 although interestingly my infatuation with my friend wasn't sexual at all, it was purely emotional. Until I actually slept with a woman! It was really hard to find a partner as I felt kind of out of place in LB spaces. I finally met a maculine tomboy at a party, we had a good time and we ended up sleeping together. It was a fairly pleasant and interesting experience, even eating pussy, but it was way less intense than even my shittiest experiences with men. Touching her and being touched by her, I instantely realized something was wrong. She was just too soft, too squishy, too delicate… even though she was very fit, it was intrinsic in a way. Funnily enough every straight guy or lesbian friend I told this looked at me like "that's the point". But it's like my brain was expecting some kind of wide shoulders and taut skin. I felt very detached from it all, especially from touching her body. I think I liked the pussy eating (which must have been quite bad kek) the most, because I had no point of comparison to men, and because it was just fun to do. After that for a while I oscillated between "something's up and I am not bi" and "this was just a shitty experience".
This combined with me stopping to watch porn for ethical reasons two years ago has really made me realized my sexual attraction to women was constructed by porn. It came later than the rest, after I started getting into straight porn (before it was all gay porn), it was only directed towards hypersexuality in women and exagerated bodies, it was very visual in a way. I didn't internalize what porn was showing me for myself (be a hypersexual sex doll) but self-inserted myself as the guy getting turned on by it, so I was turned on by women being debased by men. Stopping porn, the most difficult part was stopping the female-centric videos, probably because it has become most of what I watched. Now I am way less turned on by any of it, especialy IRL I am almost never aroused by a woman anymore. I still don't watch porn and hopefully will never do it again in any kind of regularity.
All in all, I think I may have some kind of open disposition to bisexuality and that porn did the rest, instead of it developping naturally or not at all. Now, as I don't watch porn anymore, my interest in women has dwindled. I stil have admiration for some women and find some of them breathtakingly beautiful, and I may still get a bit turned by women sometime. I'm just seeing where it leads me, maybe I'll fall in love with a another women, maybe I'll sleep with one again (this one time it happened I was drunk, which often makes sex shittier, and it was a ONS with a stranger which I am also turning away from) if it feels right. In the mean time, I'm thinking of myself as heterosexual, because it feels more right to my true experience of love and sex, not to porn or fantasies.
- stop porn and just experience it in real life and go from there. Porn can really fuck things up big time.
- Know yourself better. For example the talk of completely seperating physical and emotionnal attraction also set me back (and it's probably linked to porn too). I know now that for me, they are tied and will influence each other. Similarily, my attraction to men is because I want them to do things to me, and I want to do things to them and turn them on, whereas my attraction to women was linked with seeing them being turned on and having things happen to them (instead of an interaction between the two of us). I know that a lot of bisexual people say that for them, their attraction to both sexes is very different from one another, but I still think that in my case, it was a helpful clue.
Hopefully it helped someone figure someting out!
Last night, reading about detransition in TIFs, I started to wonder if I'm not actually bisexual, as in, would I really like pleasuring a woman? Seeing her face as I do it?
I used to think I was bisexual, one therapist told me that I had bisexual tendencies. But lately I've started to identify as straight, or at most, more specifically, as bisexual leaning very heavily towards men. I've crushed on women a couple of times, but nothing compared to the attraction I've felt for men, and I certainly don't have the necessary sexual experience to claim I'm bisexual. But what if I actually like having sex with a woman? What if what I like about sex with men can also be found in sex with women?
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What does it mean if I'm a lesbian but I like 2D men?
I consider myself a lesbian because I've only loved, dated, and had sex with other women, and I have no interest in real men. Not once in my life have I had a crush on a man. I hate it when they flirt with me. The fleeting thoughts I have about kissing or having sex with any man are intrusive, disgusting, and anxiety-driven.
It's weird to reconcile this with my childhood addiction to yaoi doujin and fanfiction where I'd self-insert as the bottom, and now as an adult with real sexual experience (again, only ever with women) I've moved on to self-inserting in MxF yume content. This includes drama CDs with male voice actors. I should note I just kind of ignore the penis stuff. I can't think about the actual organ without feeling grossed out. If anything I mentally replace it with the yaoi-typical "beam of light" censor bar, or a magic strap that feels awesome for both of us. I'm also not into the sound of guys moaning (I literally skip over parts without dialogue kek) and I specifically seek out audio in foreign languages so there's a certain degree of removal from the situation.
I don't think my sexuality is in dispute. Anime isn't real. I just wonder what this means and I didn't want to talk about 2D penis in the lesbian thread
Thanks nona I appreciate the input. I feel the same way about well written female characters and lesbian content. It's sad that it's so rare to find anything I like. Usually in that case I get so attached that I make up a self insert OC to ship with them lol.
I think you did misread this part though, I said>I'm also not into the sound of guys moaning
and I skip over portions of the CD where it's only moaning and no dialogue. Wow I guess I'm listening to porn for the plot… Anyways my wording could've been clearer. I think I'm more interested in whatever the guy is saying to me rather than the sound of his voice. If I had the option to get the exact same content with a female actor, there'd be no contest. I'd choose a woman every time.
You can't be a lesbian if you've ever, ever
enjoyed sex with a man. Live your best bi life though, nothing wrong with that.
okay, so, cluster-fuck but: i notice my romantic/sexual fantasies never involve "me", how i am irl.
romantic-wise, i'm thinking of an idealized version of me – but always in front of other people. e.g. i'm doing things with my idealized self with my idealized partner + friends in front of other people, who vaguely resemble people i actually know irl.
sexual fantasies…never ever involve me, or even an idealized self, it's always my ocs or anime characters or something. i don't self-insert, i never have been interested in that. i think i had one wet dream in high-school involving another girl; otherwise i never ever fantasize about real people.
i think i have had crushes on guys growing up, though. even now if i see a super hot guy i get all smiley and giggly – this usually doesn't happen with women, but i do find myself obsessing over her + trying to track down any scrap of information i can. or i get turned on, but idk if that's me thinking i have to get turned on by a sexy woman, or if she's actually sexy to me.
wish i could just know this without having to think about it.
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>get horny over sexy women, 2D but 3D even more so
>get horny over sexy men
>but only 2D
>but still unambiguously males and usually quite masculine
>disgusted by femboys
>cock is nice i guess
>but pussy really gets me going
>even my own pussy gets me going
>fantasized about autocunnilingus before, sad it's not possible
>disgusted by both futa and cuntboy shit tho, both just feel wrong to me
>stopped watching live action porn but when i used to it was solo-only, male or female, usually preferred female
>now sticking to written smut, mostly m/f but sometimes f/f, never actually cared for m/m
>kissed two different boys in school but not really into either
>held hands with boys and girls
>the girls i held hands with likely assumed it was completely platonic though
>definitely not platonic on my part
>never been in an actual relationship
>not really interested in long term commitment with either sex
>probably would have sex with women, would prefer either no strings attached or friends with benefits (they would have to be genuine friends outside the ~benefits~ though)
>probably would not have sex with men at all, definitely no hook-ups
The fuck does all this make me
I would have said so too but I have heard takes such as>lack of interest in actual commitment to a woman means you're not actually into women but just memed into it by male gaze media including but not only porn>lack of interest in actual sex with men means you're not actually into men and only suffer from comphet
What if I am really asexual and both are true. I think that would be very funny.
Nta but you're def not asexual if you're getting off to thoughts about women and/or men. I think maybe there's just too much noise on social media. People will pathologize any and everything. I also think you're bisexual, likely with a lean toward women. You are also a virgin so who really knows! Live your life, nonnie
the>sexual fantasies…never ever involve me, or even an idealized self, it's always my ocs or anime characters or something.
and>but idk if that's me thinking i have to get turned on by a sexy woman, or if she's actually sexy to me.
Hit close to home. I can try to imagine myself but at max my brain go in POV mode.
I'm kind of reversed because I id as a lesbian but still get all smiley around guy I find cute or are famous/ skillfull. I wonder if it's due to me learning how to woman as an autistic female. I remember being uninged and fantasying about dudes I finded cute I knew irl and I could only see them in pov doing stuff to "me" but no dick no face no voice.
I kind of got scared when I started watching american tv shows and found the guys attractives ( esp the voice or particular features ) but the dick or sex is just ew, like the sexual tension/aura they give of is satisfaying but I don't want to shag them. Ironically I would check if some of the celebrity from the shows had cute daughters who look like them and damn it hit different.
today I even had a situation were I was watching a show at work during the break, some of the dude looked attractive and I got the guilty pleasure hit, got ashamed so to cool off I got near my coworker to hear the chats and one of the lesbian girl was getting teased because she was going on vacation with her girlfriend and hearing about it I felt that feeling from the heart to the pussy to put it simply. I know I only love female since I was a kid and would never fuck a guy but still it's stuff that I find weird
mega blogpost but I wonder if other nonnies ad similar feeling and stuff.
The idea of lesbian sex appeals to me very much but I'm not sure if I really am attracted to women (I've only read lesbian erotica). I'm a virgin so I don't want to go on a one night stand and lose my virginity to someone I don't know just to see if I like it, also don't want to hurt the other woman and just say 'oh I guess I'm not attracted to women'. I am attracted to men, I know that. What am I to do nonna's? I don't want to get involved in a relationship with woman when I don't even know if I'm attracted to women in the first place. The only scrote I trust is the least sexy person on earth to me, I know I should just wait until someone comes along but I wouldn't know what to do. My lesbian friend told me she liked me a while ago (she's with someone else now), I felt nothing but maybe I just feel nothing for her. Though I used to feel sparks in middle/high school with my female classmates. Could any kind nonna's help me out? I'm not looking for any kind of label, I'm just not sure if I'm really attracted to women and don't want to hurt anyone along the way. I know I can only figure it out myself but this confusion is so annoying. I don't want to lose my virginity to any moid but also I don't want to lose it to a woman I don't even know. I will see how it goes and am not ashamed of being a virgin, but I feel very confused.>>266065
Fuck, this makes me question everything, I have a very specific type (manlet, long hair or shaved head and a very specific facial structure) but women I almost always think are beautiful. Maybe it's because it's what I'm used to seeing in the mirror and I just think women generally have way more beautiful figures. But women are so much more striking and beautiful, I don't know if it is because they usually dress nicer, have a different figure than moids or both.
That's pretty close to my situation.>mfw virgin autist>crushes on both men and women but never even kissed anyone>so probably bi but not sure bc i'm a mess>would like to try dating a woman but i don't want to break anyones heart or come accross as one of those special straights who go "whoops i wasn't attracted to you after all">also very awkward about sex obviously
I've figured I should probably find a woman who's in a similar situation so I could experiment with her slowly. The only problem is that being a socially nonfunctional weirdo, it's very unlikely that i'd meet anyone in the first place or even get to the point where I could get into any sort of a romantic relationship.
I'm really confused about my sexuality atm. I'm attracted to men and I've always thought I was attracted to women as well but I'm not really sure anymore. I don't know if I'm being a retard about this or what. Anyway I'm gonna greentext this shit. This is very half-assed and not very thought through so it's going to be kind of a mess. I guess I just need to get this off my chest.
>grow up online, mostly tumblr
>was sucked into the fandom fujo bullshit very young
>I also shipped a lot of f/f couples too
>was into supernatural (kek) and had a blog dedicated solely to all of the female characters at the time
>got turned on when I made my lesbian sims woohoo
>didn't get like that with gay male sims or with straight sim couples
>saw my elementary school friends have crushes on boys
>imitated them and chose two boys at random to have a crush on
>a little while later I thought I was a lesbian because I didn't actually like boys all that much
>cut my hair short, wear boyish clothes in 4th grade
>was called a butch (as an insult) by a friend I had a fight with
>had an elementary school boyfriend in 5th grade for a little bit but I refused to kiss him and I didn't like being close to him or hugging him at all, felt unnatural
>transition into middle school
>was well liked by most girls because they thought I was funny
>had a crush on a girl in my class but I knew she'd never return my feelings (I was kind of tomboyish and she was quite popular)
>also had a crush on a boy at one time in middle school but turned him down when he asked if I wanted to date him
>did the usual middle school questioning things like kiss other girls at slumber parties
>one girl I kissed acted mad at me the next day at school, told people I made her uncomfortable which really fucked me up because she reciprocated my advances and I thought we were having fun
>feel like a freak predator
>end up dating a girl a little bit later in middle school but I didn't really like her all that much and it also felt unnatural to be romantic with her (like with my 5th grade boyfriend)
>in high school I thought I was asexual because I just didn't get or understand crushes (though as you can see that was just me being dumb and retarded bc I obviously did have crushes kek)
>I was also over medicated on anti depressants and anti anxiety meds
>kills any sex drive I have at all
>masturbation during this time is difficult to do because of no sex drive so it became very rare
>had a really codependant relationship with a girl in high school, was kind of obsessed with her but I was a huge bitch to her as well
>overheard this one girl I didn't even like talk about how most people at our high school were ugly and that there were a handful of people she thought were attractive
>she was bisexual and I desperately wanted to be one of the people she found attractive, don't really know why because I didn't really like her
>had a small crush on a butch lesbian at my high school
>she thought I was cute
>once she passed by the window to the library and my friends laughed because they claimed that I blushed when I saw her
>wtf, no I didn't you retards I don't blush!!!!
>both friends say that I did and I don't think they'd randomly lie about that
>she makes a pass at me once and I'm too shy/too much of a coward to reciprocate, still kind of disappointed in myself for that one
>one of my male friends develops a crush on me
>I am HEARTBROKEN when he tells me. I genuinely feel betrayed.
>my whole life I've admired and respected lesbians, especially the GNC and butch lesbians
>see some tumblr post (yeah I know but, again, 17) that says "if you genuinely wish you were a lesbian… maybe that's a sign that you're not straight/attracted to men"
>mind is blown
>wtf, maybe I am a lesbian?
>come out as a lesbian to people
>feel the greatest I'd felt in a long while
>genuinely (or what feels like) want to get married to a woman, want to date women, I actually feel like I'm attracted to women
>unfortunately I'm judgemental as fuck
>no girl on dating apps really ping my interest, and if they do they're polyamorous/looking for a third
>new girl comes to school
>ohhhh fuck she's kinda cute
>she has really short hair and dresses like a tomboy
>hit her up
>she's a fucking fakeboi
>shit. Well there goes any attraction I had
>have to play along and keep up appearances because I don't have it in me to ghost her
>notice a pattern: boyish girls were almost always fakebois or gender special
>one lesbian/bi girl I was good acquaintances with trooned out because her girlfriend wanted to date guys
>my very good lesbian friend trooned out because her girlfriend trooned out and I guess she didn't want to be a "straight couple"
>what the fuck is happening
>start feeling like I can't even talk to any women that are my type (cute butches/tomboys or cute femmes/girly girls) because they're either fakebois or polyamorous unicorn hunters
>what the fuck is HAPPENING
>people think I'm a they/them because I dress tomboyish
>over time, I give up trying to look for a girlfriend since it's very apparent that I must live in the worst place in my state to date as a lesbian
>distance myself from any romantic/sexual pursuits or discussion
>feeling like I'm gonna die alone
>get off of medication completely
>feeling better emotionally
>start to notice a developing attraction to men
>I am terrified and disturbed by these feelings
>I don't like it, it disgusts me
>try to ignore it
>nope, I think I'm definitely into guys
>have come to terms with it but I still dislike it
>as I come to terms with it, feels as though my main attraction shifts to males, now women are the background attraction
>hate the feeling
>wonder if I'm actually just straight.
>can get off to the thought of males and women respectively, but the orgasms when thinking of women are not as intense
>more self hatred because I don't want to be attracted to men
>start to think I'm straight
>come to terms with the fact that I am probably straight
>wait a second…
>feel a very strong, warm feeling in my stomach when I see beautiful women
>sometimes have an overwhelming urge to kiss/make out with women
>sometimes if a woman is especially beautiful, I get a weird giddy feeling and can feel myself tear up slightly (kek)
>Am a virgin and the thought of performing oral sex on a man disgusts me
>the thought of performing oral sex on a woman overwhelms me with anxiety, feel like I'd be too much of a virgin to really please her
>am anxious at the thought that I may not make a woman cum in my hypothetical imaginary sex scenarios
>self esteem is so low that I can never satisfy the women in these imaginary scenarios
>I suck her tits wrong, I finger her wrong, I eat her out wrong, etc.
>Don't feel worthy enough to even try to talk to women romantically because what if I am straight
>would never forgive myself for wasting a woman's time like that
>I do get off to the thought of a woman eating me out though
>feels safer because she'd probably have more experience
>occasionally, when I'm having a good day, feel giddy at the thought that maybe this imaginary woman could go down on my first and then teach me how to get her off
>don't really fantasize about men like this or really worry about having sex with men
>I am attracted to men, but I do not like or feel comfortable imagining having sex with them
Annnnnd that's pretty much it, more or less. I hope I can figure this shit out soon. If anyone was kind enough to read this greentext word vomit and offer some insight, I'd appreciate it.
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im starting to question if i’m a lesbian. i’m very frustrated with the idea of not figuring out what i like. it’s causing me so much stress lately. especially after i really thought about all my past relationships with men.
i feel like i’m very into the idea of a man being able to provide me comfort..as in physically and emotionally. but every man i’ve ever been with and met, has never been able to fulfill those comforts. maybe for a couple weeks, but for longer than 3-6 months they start tearing me apart slowly, really only using me whenever they’re lonely, or horny. i feel so stressed out, not myself, and have very clouded thoughts when i’m around a man. i get very insecure about my looks, my personality, and even how i speak when i’m around a man. i feel like i constantly have to be the perfect version of myself to satisfy a man, because every time i’ve gotten comfortable around them, told them personal things/feelings, and issues i’ve had in my life, they start to resent me and push me away. and then i feel even more frustrated which makes me feels awful, and then they just leave me. and it’s always been a repeating cycle of this over and over again with every man. i feel like if i’m not 100% perfect, they’ll leave me, yk? but whenever i’m with women, i can always be myself. i can always open up about my issues, my personal life, and truly relax around other women, because women REALLY get it. i always understand my girlfriends and best friends a lot more than any of my male friends/family. i feel l like my needs for comfort physically and emotionally are met (and much more) when i’m with a girl. i’ve been asked if i’ve ever been able to seen myself happier with a woman than a man, and the answer is yes. i feel like if i ever got married to someone, it’d have to be a woman. but in the back of my head, i’m truly scared to call myself a lesbian. maybe it’s because of the bad stigma around the word, or maybe i fear my homophobic family members. maybe im scared to call myself lesbian because then i miss out on the “perfect man” i’ve always fantasized about. but the perfect man i’ve always dreamt out is impossible standards for men to reach bc in the end, all i’ve ever been seen as is an object to fuck and play with and show off to their friends because i’m “pretty.” but whenever i need them to be there for me, whenever things are bad, they tell me i “rely on them too much” and just can’t handle me. i always thought that maybe i am the problem but this shit never happened with women. women were always more understanding of me, and almost always related to how i was feeling.
another thing is that while i do find hot men, hot. they don’t turn me on. i don’t get super turned on by dick or attractive men as much as i get turned on by hot women and womens bodies. i could definitely have sex with a woman. id feel more comfortable having sex with a woman, i feel more comfortable being naked in front of other women, i feel more comfortable changing or even not having makeup around other women. but as i said before, i feel like i always have to be the perfect girl around men. every time i’ve went out with my male friends/boyfriends, i always had makeup on. i never let any man take a single (or even have) a photo with my bare face. i always feel like i have to cover up too. i always wear jackets and pants (even though it’s 100+ degrees here) because i feel so much more insecure around men.
i think i’m just confused because i haven’t had much experience dating women. i’ve only had 1 girlfriend (2 sort of) and she wasn’t into sex so i never got to have any sort of lesbian experience. i’ve had a couple boyfriends, and had sex with only 3 of them, and none of them ever made me orgasm, they just sort of used me until THEY came. the guy i lost my virginity to literally told me to “do it myself” when i asked if he was gonna make me orgasm?.. i also just feel very uncomfortable undressing for sex with men, every time i’ve had sex, always had clothes on and lights off.
The experience you've had with men describes a lot of girls I know, who are straight. Not saying you are, since you definitely aren't. Just saying these thoughts surrounding men isn't just you, it's truly males being low iq monkeys more often than not. You sound like someone who is bisexual to me. With a lot of issues about men, which I'll say are not your fault at all, because, men have just been devolving rapidly in looks, personality and intelligence. I don't think a lesbian woman would care at all for men like this, or thinking about the perfect man. But dating men definitely doesn't seem to bring you any comfort, which a relationship should to some extent, could you consider yourself febfem and maybe try dating women only? And who knows, if you get more sexually intimate with women, it would clear things up for you more? I wish you luck in any case. Men aren't shit.
You're most likely bi and prefer women, that's how I define myself and I feel similarly. like you my relationships with women are more intense but I can't bring myself to show the same romantic feelings towards a man, though I didn't ever have longterm relationships with men because I really can't tolerate them.
It's ok, you don't have to call yourself a lesbian or bi woman either, labels can be confusing and even scary for those of us who were brought up in environments lesbians were thought of as broken and such while bi women were considered confused or whore-ish. >>270101
Yeah anon sounds like a bi woman, though how much she cares about men and how her ideal is in the end a man is setting her up for failure. A big percentage of bi women prefer to be with men for obvious reasons but some don't, she might fall into that group.
You just like ugly dudes, anon. That's fine.
You're potentially bisexual but if you're fine dating men then by all means keep going. I doubt any lesbians or bi women would want to date you either if you go in believing they're all abusive
(iirc the stats on that are off due to counting bisexual women who had dated men and not specifying the sex of the abusive
partner, but I read the usual study about 2 years ago to argue with someone on CC so the numbers I pulled are lost to time).
Gotta agree with this. Closet lesbians usually date feminine men or stereotypically attractive men to compensate. Anon just sounds insecure.>>270400>Studies posted on CC
Kek I can't with CC's obsession with studies as if they're gospel and totally not extremely easy to manipulate and take out of context
Okay, so I am a fujo that obsesses over anime twinks and BL. I very rarely (if ever) self insert into any type of content, but with BL especially I never do. I also don't like yume, otome, any kind of M/F content, if it's sexual I feel especially put off. F/F content feels weird to read but not in a.. bad way? but I'm too embarrassed to look at it too much. I could imagine myself in a yume scenario with a female character easier than with a male, but without it getting too sexual.
As for irl, my experiences have been fairly limited but I can say that I am for sure either completely repulsed by even imagining myself in a sexual situation, or at least repulsed by PiV specifically. I have tried doing it with my bf but it just made me so anxious we had to stop every time. Even typing it out makes me feel uncomfy lol. And this isn't due to a trauma or something, I am simply REALLY put off by it?
I've never been with a girl, I used to be extremely touchy with my female friends but that's about it. I think I'd enjoy being in a relationship with a girl but I'm once again unsure about the sexual aspect.
Sorry if this is a mess but I don't know where this all puts me.. How can I know if I'm put off by sex completely, or just by sex with guys? And I know fujo lesbians are fairly common, but I feel like it'd kind of be weird to consider myself a lesbian if I obsess over gay anime boys..?
Maybe you are just turned off by the power dynamic from being with a man, along with the expectation of PIV? Personally, I hate PIV and never want to do it, and the thought of a man wanting to do it to me turns me off so much. I can't self-insert to straight porn because of this. I even hate otome without porn because you just know the woman is going to be the one dominated and it makes me feel super uncomfortable. I've liked yuri because it's usually an equal relationship, plus they usually do more of the sensual things like lots of kissing, body worship, oral, etc that I don't see in straight porn. And I like BL because at least I'll see one man get dominated or penetrated (and that's super hot as I like seeing men get roughed up)
So yeah, maybe you are just turned off so much by the expectation of PIV from men and that makes you gravitate towards M/M and F/F.
Some people require a personal connection before they get truly excited by someone. Could be an anxiety thing, self-consciousness, low libido, etc. Either way, I'm gonna go ahead and guess it's lack of experience combined with needing the extra push of just really connecting with someone on an emotional/intellectual level to trigger
your feelings. That's just more likely than you belonging to the minuscule asexual population.
I dunno what I am anymore. I am repulsed by majority of biological males, but I am having second doubts about my sexual orientation. I have quit porn for almost 6 months now, realising that porn is ephebophillic, misogynistic, and is overall harmful to the consumer and the people performing these x-rated videos. I currently have a gf that is bisexual, and I have expressed that I am repulsed by bio males. I am very attracted to bio females (including non-op and pre-op ftms), but I do find transsexuals like ladyboys, hijras, and newhalves attarctive (even after quitting porn), but I would never, ever touch a penis. I think I might be some flavor of bisexual, since my recent fantasies have included the ladyboy/newhalf/hijra transsexuals, minus the penis interaction, but I think since my same sex attraction is stronger, I never acknowledged my osa possibly. Idk how to tell other people this, but I still envision spending the rest of my life with a biological woman. Hopefully others will reply to me as I am just confused be all of this. I think I'll only tell people I trust with this, plus my immediate family honestly.
Basically no. If you want to fuck a male, even if cartoon, you're not a lesbian. Lesbians do not want to interact with any penis. Our aversion to men isn't about how annoying they are IRL at all, it's about their natural anatomy in relation to ours. We're repulsed in a fundamental way by penis-havers.
You can always be bi though!>>274550
Finding TiMs attractive makes me think you like femininity and not really the female sex tbh. You say you'd never touch a penis but that seems like it's an opinion and not necessarily how it would play out IRL. If you're attracted to TiMs who look male by every measure to me and every lesbian (not kinsey scale whatever bi but actual lesbian) I've ever met, you may just be having a bi awakening lol. Maybe you're just looking at shooped footage of them and it's tricking you too much, I don't wanna say you're blind or something. How they behave IRL is also nothing like a woman so I'm having trouble grasping how you can be a lesbian and ignore all that.
Since you are happy with women, I suggest you stop worrying about this and just do your thing. If you fixate on this ladyboy thing it's probably going to start becoming a bigger and bigger deal to you, and potentially ruin your relationship with your gf. If you were single you could go out and explore but really, do you want to spend all your time lying to some troon about how legit of a woman he is? They're just men. Your attraction to femininity surely can't sustain that sort of delusion for the sake of it.
I'm one of those fujos(kind of) though I'm not really sure about my sexuality yet. And since people here tend to have the wrong definition of a fujo in their heads I feel the need to explain that I don't want to fuck an anime guy, I usually enjoy two male characters' relationship and do want to see them fuck, but without any self inserting involved. Not to mention that anime boys are different from real men, and I usually like the twinks with very little masculine features that are more on the feminine side(but not to the extent of draw a girl call it a boy). I'm not particularly interested in "daddy" characters. And you may say that still means I'm into men but I don't find myself attracted to any rl men, not even the "hot" actors, I don't want to have sex with them and I'm actually even repulsed by the idea of having sex with a man. I don't even want to date one because it means dealing with a real life moid. So all this considered, I feel like calling myself bi would be wrong lol.
As for my attraction to women, I find myself attracted to irl women way easier than men. But my actual experiences with them has been fairly limited because I live in a country that's not too accepting of LGB people and because I don't really feel the need to date anyone at the moment. I enjoy yuri in fiction but the reason I prefer BL is because yuri spaces have always been full of men(and it's only gotten worse with the tranny shit getting worse) and a lot of yuri feels too male gazey, meanwhile BL has actually well written stories and characters (and it's usually by women for women). I'd say the situation is somewhat similar for a lot of lesbian fujos, but feel free to tell me if this still makes me bi. I wrote all this but I'm genuinely still pretty confused about my sexuality.
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Nonnies idk how to feel about this. Some friends and I went to a club last weekend and became friends with two girls in the women's bathroom and ended up spending the entire night together dancing and stuff. Towards the end this one girl and I ended up staying while the rest went home and we ended up making out and we were quite handsy with each other. We were maybe a bit drunk but not to the point where we'd slur our speech or anything. Anyways, she ended up giving me her phone number and she even gave me a kiss goodbye when we parted ways. I haven't contacted her because I don't know what to think about all of this. It's the first time I've ever kissed or made out with a woman because I was always convinced that I was straight and never felt any attraction towards women previously. I didn't even see her in that way when we first met but it really turned me on and I kinda wanted more but then again I don't know if that was just the alcohol influencing me to an extent.
Bisexual and yeah, attraction to men and women is different. Attraction to fem and masc women is also slightly different for me although it's hard to pinpoint.
For me, with women it's much easier and a bit more carnal, although that isn't a perfect term. The female body is really hot naturally without the need to pervert my fantasies.
Attraction to men is aesthetic and power based. Unfortunately my sexual interest in men only involves their suffering plus weird fetishes, and it comes and goes while my interest in women is consistent. After much analysis, I've concluded my attraction to women is very natural but with men it was something smaller that I had to foster during adolescence. Growing it meant incorporating coomer kinks as support, so here I am.
Interested in how other binons experience this. Also if others have a "natural" attraction to one over the other? If I'm making sense.
. Nah never sexually attracted, just wanted everyone to see me as normal. I just turned 30 and I still cry about how my mom has treated me and how my grandma would act if I confirmed their suspicions. I've only met my father a couple times as a kid and he degraded me the whole time I was visiting him. I think I wanted male validation when I was younger since I didn't get that from my father. But now that I've worked on myself and got pink pilled I don't need any validation from men or women. But Maybe I need to work on myself a bit more because my sense of self is being swayed by strangers on lchat lol.
Thank you Nonnie
for all your advice. I hope you have an amazing day too.
Yeah, igi anon. But I do consider myself bi. I enjoy looking at male bodies but when faced with the reality of sex with a man and even just kissing it felt unnatural and gross. When I kissed my ex it felt "empty" as you said, even if he was cute and I enjoyed drawing him.
Welcome to theoretical bisexuality (it sucks just a little).
Theoretical bi haha! That's a good term. I'm not sure I would go as far as to say I enjoy looking at male bodies. I feel queasy whenever I see guys with too much skin exposed e.g. shirtless/sleeveless. I can recognise a good looking guy but it's never been something I dwelled on or got butterflies for much unlike w/ women. >>276900
…yeah idk if "fooling around" was the right term my bad. We just cuddled on his bed fully clothed and that was it. Sorry I'm really inexperienced sexually that was the most intimate I'd ever been with a guy so it felt like fooling around to me, but it wasn't actually sexual (at least to me). I agreed to it cause he was feeling sad and he's a touchy feely kinda person. I am too but only really with my girl-friends. Anyway, he told me I could do whatever I wanted with him. I tried to enjoy him the same way he was enjoying me (playing w/ my hair and other innocent stuff) but I was just really confused/blanked out most of the time and felt like there was nothing /to/ enjoy. He got hard and I told him to move so I wouldn't have to feel it. But like you said, I wasn't traumatised (except for noticing his hard-on I guess) from the experience or anything and feel pretty apathetic about the whole thing which yeah makes me think I might be some kind of bi.
I've never come out to anyone w/ any labels cause I've resolved not to get into a relationship. I was just navel-gazing abt my sexuality and wanted some input.>>276907
I don't want to have sex before marriage and I don't want to get married so I don't plan to have sex at all, with women or men. Yeah I've been thinking that too – maybe it was just him. But I'm not really willing to reproduce that experience with some other dude just to find out lmao.
I’ve been a lurker on this thread so far and the phrase “theoretical bisexuality” strikes a chord with me. I’ve struggled in the past with a fixation on “figuring out” my sexuality, but lately realized it’s pointless because I have no actual relationship experience. I think I prefer men because that’s what my fantasies and crushes lean toward, but I’ve had phases where I thought I was a lesbian and even had dreams about dating women, which felt nice but deepened my confusion when I woke up. Maybe it’s just bi-cycling. Currently I feel pretty straight but I’ll see if that sticks lol.>>276998
Just curious because I’m considering the same thing, why have you resolved to not get into a relationship? In my case it’s because I’m too socially awkward/anxious and not sure if I could handle it emotionally.
I was going to get so pissed at him for getting touchy with a woman he knows identifies as lesbian while using his sadness as an excuse but I'm glad I kept reading. I guess he didn't know that part. It's possible that you simply don't have enough emotional attachment to physical touch, many lesbians experience harassment from a young age and it gets more and more intolerable as you age. Since you're sexually inexperienced it doesn't necessarily mean you're bi. It does sound like if you're a lesbian after all, you're particularly lucky in not being scarred by coercing males. Don't wanna make you feel like an impostor for not having a trauma response to a new experience. Are you religious? Why not have sex before marriage if you never want to be married in the first place? So confusing.
For every anon in this here thread: You should date a woman and find out. If you're gay it'll click very quickly, I promise. Then you can compare how that feels to any future endeavor. Until you have a bunch of experience under your belt I'd say stick to "queer" and let things play out safely but respectfully.
I’m 99% sure I’m straight but I don’t know if I’m aromantic or not.
I’m very very rarely attracted to men IRL, I’m more or less exclusively attracted to conventionally very good looking men.
I’m quite hostile to (straight) men. I generally don’t like fhem at all, and avoid speaking to them or interacting with them if I can.
I’ve never lived a man and I don’t know if I can because I’m so disgusted by the average man (not physically but by their character)
I wanna fuck men (I’m a virgin lol) but I don’t wanna be around them if that makes sense?
I don’t know if I’m actually aromantic or if it’s just a trauma response…
But is there even an ideal man?
Most straight girls I know aren’t viscerally repulsed by 99% of men so that’s why I question if it’s normal or not.
I think you're vastly overestimating how much girls/women are attracted to the average guy. It's just that women are taught to look at facets beyond looks and the supply of attractive men is many times smaller than the amount of attractive women so a lot of us are forced to settle for someone that's not making us wild.
You're attracted to men and want to fuck them, that makes you straight.
I’m not questioning whether I’m straight I’m questioning whether I’m aromantic or not.>>278530
The girls I know have dated some questionable guys tbh. Like obviously they prefer good looking men but they are happy to date average men and I just don’t get it.
Like when I say I’m repulsed by men it’s not just looks, I don’t like them as people either. Yes I’m attracted to the best looking ones but I genuinely do not like men at all and I’ve never had feelings for a man. So that’s why I get confused.
To add, when I’ve had conversations with friends/acquaintances where we talk about what guys are attractive, they get shocked when I say I’m rarely attracted to men IRL (Tbh I don’t think I’ve ever seen a guy IRL that’s my type)
So I feel kinda abnormal because the people I know make it seem like it’s weird to be so rarely attracted to men
You're just blackpilled on how awful men truly are (which is inevitable by spending more than 10 minutes here) and thus have high standards, absolutely nothing wrong with that. A lot of normie women have pickme tendencies and overlook men's flaws just to secure a boyfriend, you don't have to follow their example. Maybe there's something "wrong" with you according to social conventions but you're avoiding so much trouble by not involving yourself with low value men.
FYI I'm a bit like you, I'm bi but I'm completely repulsed by men (even the hypothetical attractive ones), the only ones I like are the husbandos lol.
Please no bully but one time I had a coworker who I thought was really adorable and cute, she was a butch lesbian but she was like short and petite with a babyface, I guess Ellen page vibes but with a cool short haircut. She was really nice to me and made an effort to talk with me on her breaks, one time I was hungry but couldnt leave the desk and she went and got me a snack from the dining area. I never really knew if she was being flirty to me or if it was just her personality, and I tried to make sure I wasn't being flirty with her since I'm straight. Her energy was just very charming to me, and I'm a sucker for people who do shit like unironically wink at me, have that cool laid back attitude, try to make an excuse to touch me in conversation. If I was a risktaker and a very sexually open person I might have tried to experiment with her, but only if she was okay with it, which I'm pretty sure most lesbians aren't interested in entertaining curious straights.
Because of this interaction I thought I could be bi. But when I tried to imagine being with her intimately I could only be turned on by the idea of making out and her touching me. The idea of me touching her down there or either of us partaking in oral turned me off, so I guess I'm not bi.
i have been in a cycle of relationships with unattractive men with terrible personalities, and some that are chill but i just get bored after a few months of dating? like, i just wish we could be really good friends with no feelings between us all of a sudden. i think i really seek out Male Validation due to past trauma and shit and i also semi worry that the "love" i feel for men in the honeymoon phase is purely just really enjoying someones company, getting to cuddle. and then having to kiss them or have sex sometimes if they wanted but it always feels way more like im doing a favor for my male partner and im not really getting much out of it sexually.
im not really a sexual person, but i think reading hentai doujins ruined my view on sex, in the sense that it is so male-centered and doesnt consider the womans pleasure i guess
i feel like i could never really be close with men romantically or have those feelings towards them after the honeymoon phase ends and i feel kind of like heartless? i feel like i could only ever truly be "in love" with another woman because there's just no reality in which a man could fulfill my needs or even understand me
sorry for high rant and typos if there are any
I'm confused why I have a soft spot for really short manlets, think men/boys who are less than or around 5'4" and are really boney. There was one I knew back in high school and I thought I had a crush on him most of my senior year. I haven't had that feeling toward a moid before or since. I used to dream fearing he would find me out somehow because I tried never making advances despite being friends. When I told friends of mine about this, I teared up because I thought it was kinda wrong and predatory, because having a shorter, younger boyfriend is incredibly uncommon. I'm not talking about femboys, just the type of moids who lie about their height. There's a guy I work with that has a similar bodytype, but I have no same "crush" feeling with him. Though, his bodytype makes me like him more than other guys I work with without thinking about it. Some times I feel like I’m “hyperaware” of where he is and I hate that feeling.
I thought I was straight in high school, but I'm a lesbian. Realizing that was great for my sex drive because I'm penis repulsed and vagina attracted. I'm not sexually attracted to men at all and always feared having a relationship with any of them, and that fear doesn't apply to women. But if I'm fully les, why does the bodytype of a moid subconsciously change my view of him? It shouldn't matter at all, right? Is this a common thing for lesbians? Some tomboys, (as in, that's a tag they use,) I see on Instagram scratch a similar itch but I don't tend to look at those much. I really don't believe I'm Bisexual. I'm sexually inexperienced too so maybe this is some part of myself I subconsciously try to avoid addressing, but dating a woman would fulfill my romantic desire in every way when dating a man would not.
Nta but lmaooo
I once had a disturbing dream where my brother was raping me while we floated horizontally in the air. Never has anything close happened irl like that. Dreams are weird af
I've been pretty sure I am a lesbian for a while. I'm pretty feminine tho and I was a virgin up until recently, though.
A few weeks ago, I finally hooked up with a butch and really enjoyed going down on her (I still think about it sometimes), and being near her and making her feel good and just everything, but the second she got on top of me and trying to kiss me I just couldn't. I felt very stupid, and worried I made her feel bad. Like…. It didn't do anything for me at all, the kissing felt weird. Like fully retarded dead fish while she was on top of me. I ended up eventually getting myself off because she really wanted to make sure I finished and I wouldn't let her go down on me (I just panicked), but I don't even know if I am a lesbian now, or how to feel, because I've found it harder to experience any kind of interest or attraction since then.
I have no idea what the fuck my sexuality is.
I love and exclusively date women, and until I started questioning, I called myself a lesbian. I also have some trauma, and the idea of an irl man touching me in any way is enough to trigger a bad reaction. I appreciate women in all aspects. Personality, fashion, sex, I always have preferred women. This is real life though.
I have a big thing for anime men. I know they’re not real, which I guess is how I’m okay with exploring a little about them. I’m okay with thinking about sex with them. I’m okay with thinking about romantic relationships with them.
The thing is, I don’t know if I’m bi or not, because I would never fuck or be in a relationship with a real man. If these anime men were real, I would be disgusted by them. I can thirst over anime dick if it’s not real, but the moment that it’s attached to a real man, i get nauseous and feel disgusted.
I would only feel comfortable having a real life relationship with a woman, but I’m okay with thinking about sex with men that don’t exist. Does this count as bi? Or does the fact that I’ve only dated and plan to date women make me a lesbian?
Sorry about your difficult early experiences. It's so heartbreaking that this kind of thing happens so often. Some things to address here:>part of me wonders if I was actually giving off a lesbian vibe
Men don't stay away from women who give off a lesbian vibe. It does not deter them. Their lack of interest in you is not because you seemed gay. You may have been unattractive to them, either visually or attitude-wise but it is not because you seemed gay.
>urge to be with a man
You are probably straight, maybe bi. Most of your post was about your complicated relationship with your attraction to men and not really about your attraction to women. Your first experience being with a man was traumatic so you're fucked in the head from that, doesn't make you not male-attracted.
If you truly do find women so attractive you can surely just ask one out. It's not hard, you're going to waste years of your life pretending to be into women and taking zero action. Do not adopt the lesbian label when you haven't faced pussy. There is almost zero chance you're gay, but you could be bi. Lesbians do not get urges to be with men. You went and slept with a man out of your own volition, you were not forced. Comphet is not real for women who have autonomy.
Another lesbian who likes penetration passing by.>do you think of it being attached to a man or do you see it like just a sensation? Like you'd like for an object to go in and out?
This is such a helpful way to put it. I am not attracted to men but it would be stupid to deny that the phallus is perfectly designed for penetration. That's what the strap is made to mimic. Except in my perfect fantasy it isn't just
an unfeeling object, and the top is essentially a bepenised woman detachable as well I hope
because I value mutual pleasure and that's so frustratingly difficult in lesbian sex. Wake me up when they've invented real futanari.
So anyway >>293415
if this sounds familiar at all you're a completely normal lesbian.
Actually I’m super self conscious about “using” someone as well, you’re assuming a lot there. I feel bad about that. But as for a bi curious woman I’m really skeptical with the number of women who claim to be bi but really are just over men and was scared of the same thing happening as that anon said where a woman isn’t into me kek, I would prefer a woman who is actually capable of attraction to women. I know I’m sexually attracted to women but I don’t know if I am romantically because of inexperience. I’ve had crushes on women but never had it develop into anything obviously. My view is that a connection with women would be deeper and completely different than the relationships I’ve had with men if that makes sense so it feels like something you have to try. I’ve had crushes on women I met irl but I don’t know how to try and hit on them unless they’re obviously lesbian with butch vibes (which I’m still very much attracted to, just saying).
Thanks everyone for responding btw, I don’t want to use anyone and would be very upfront about my situation just fyi. If anything I would at least try to bring something to the table for the woman to have a good time at least if the relationship doesn’t work out.
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You believe in the split attraction model?
Ah sorry, see I don’t know any of this at all tbh but I assumed that it must be really rough for lesbians given how everyone responded. I appreciate you explaining because now I understand why everyone is so skeptical. I’m sorry if I seemed like I was seeking out lesbians specifically. I just don’t wanna have a situation like >>293570
because I actually want to eat pussy and be intimate with women but just have never had romantic relationships with them. I would hate to end up in that situation as that anon described, it sounds horrible and traumatic for women to go through.
Yeah it was kinda traumatic and fuelled my internalized lesbophobia, but I don't hold that against actual bi women. I did at one point, but I've had some really good febfem friends.>>293574
NTA, but you really think it's that easy to find a SSA woman in line at the shop? I'd feel like a scrote harassing strangers.
Thanks anon your advice is probably true. I think I just wanna try meeting bi/lesbian women and hearing more about their experiences. I am happy to make friends too and meet people, get new experiences. Your suggestion is good but it’s hard to discern if women are SSA as another anon said unless they’re very obvious about it.>>293575
I’m just gonna pretend to be a turbo normie and write no Y chromosome on there like it’s a joke. Maybe I’ll get reported who knows.
>>293579>the one hyperbolic line in my post to discredit everything I said and completely miss the point.
Jeez, chill, I didn't do that? Did I say your whole post is bullshit? You're just making it sound like it's easy to find other SSA women in random places and that there's no danger involved with chatting up strangers like that. Not everyone lives in a big liberal city. Good for you that you're tripping over SSA women left and right, but that's not a viable strategy for everyone.>What if I said youre encouraging OP to go out and rape bicurious women she met on dating apps
it would be retarded because I literally shared how fucked up it is. How am I encouraging that when she herself said it sounds traumatic?
It's because they're handsome, of course.
No need to be gay, just have eyes.
lmao thank you nonnie
I think I was just overthinking it because I don't get this way with men besides my Nigel because I think 99.999% of moids are hideous or boring. like most of them are so butt fucking ugly and generic
We have been together for 2 weeks (kek), I'm going to tell him next time we see each other because it's not fair to him. It's the reason this has been on my mind, I almost never think about sex but I suppose he does (he hasn't addressed it yet but he's a man). I don't want to hide it from him and tell him after months of being together because I really do like him. Honestly I mostly feel aroused by women in pictures and such, sometimes I find men (like celebrities) hot so I don't know. I didn't know split attraction was a thing before you said it but it sounds like a croc of shit indeed. I don't want to make this more complicated than it has to be, I'm just scared of intimacy and need to get over that before deciding if I'm straight, bi or lesbian.>>294002
Thanks nonna, I think the power dynamic has much to with it (scared of someone having power over me etc etc) but once a friend accidentally touched my lower stomach or something and I jumped up even though it was an accident. I think I'm just really scared to give someone else power/autonomy over my body.
have had 6 previous relationships with men, and ended all but one after realizing i did not like them - typically after having sex with them and becoming repulsed by them. figured it was a "men aren't great at pleasing women" type thing but one friend asked me that after 6 times shouldnt it have clicked by now? havent thought much of having sex with women before, but recently had my first actual sex dream between a previous female coworker and ive never had a sex dream with a man before. ive hopped between labels before and after getting frustrated with the confusion of trying to really fit that label, ive since decided to not use labels and just like who i like in the moment. i still get excited by male validation and i still develop male crushes for sure, but its like i hate it the moment it becomes real. i also know ive had crushes on women before as well and had the same kind of butterflies when interacting with them like the guy crushes. cant decide if it's just misandry, self sabotage, not actually being attracted to men, being socialized to like male validation, or what. kind of just venting, this has been a long time build up that resurfaces every once in a while but im always busier doing other things than figuring it out lmao maybe im avoiding my problems though. plus my friends hate hearing about it they just tell me just have sex with a woman, and i know it can be easy like that but im an anxious and insecure person tbh and i dont find it that easy - ive also just moved back in with my parents which is hopefully a temporary situation but they live in a small town in texas so its not the best or largest dating pool anyway.
sorry for blog post, i recently watched but im a cheerleader (kek) and all this is resurfacing again.
Thank you nonna that is very sweet ♥ Sage for huge blogpost, we saw each other this evening and I told him about my previous experiences and that's why I can seem distant, he did listen but I don't think he fully understands how much of an impact it still has. He is a good guy, really, I can't see him doing anything I say no to so I'm giving it a chance. He is pretty touchy and cuddly, his arm around me makes me feel safe but the kisses and 'I love you's are just a bit weird and gross to me. I feel like he talked over my story a little bit and doesn't see how much impact it still has on me. I hope I can explain it to him better in the future or he will understand it more, he says sweet things like I'm pretty and when I suggested to do activity X he said 'I don't know much about it but if it's with you I know I'll enjoy it'. It is very sweet but makes me deeply uncomfortable because my past relationships were love-bombing and then calling me names after a month or two. I told him this but he is very caught up in our relationship (honeymoon phase) and I feel pretty bad about how much of a cynic I am when it comes to romantic relationships. I told him I like and appreciate him very much but I can not say I love him yet because it's too short of a time for me to say that. I take this relationship seriously because I truly see a future in us (we have much in common and 'fill each other' at the points we are both not so good at). He is a sweetheart but never had a girlfriend before so I think because it's his first relationship he thinks nothing could ever break us apart, I think it's very cute on one hand but I feel uncomfortable by how different we see love. He sees it as an emotion like joy, sadness and whatever whereas I see it as something that has to grow and for me it takes me a minimum of a year to wholeheartedly say I love someone, let alone be intimate on a different level. There is one person in my life who is not blood-related who I can truly say I love (my best friend I've known since I was 14). He is a sweetheart and we are compatible in many ways but I feel slightly uncomfortable by how in love he is with me and kind of bad about how cynical I am towards relationships and love. He is really in love and by comparison I am very disinterested because I believe you can't truly love someone until you've known them for a long time and know every part of them, both good and bad. Anyway I'll shut up since this is the sexuality thread, just wanted to give an update since so many nonna's responded.
Nonna I read your reply and never replied.
Sage for blogpost but tl;dr definitely a lesbian, just a top. I feel a bit retarded but a lot of my "kweer & spicy straight" friends constantly called me a bottom as a joke for so long that I just assumed I must be (Also finding out from an additional experience that she was just… Really bad)
I have a nice date with a girl I've been interested in for a while soon.
Deleted and reposted, messed up my sage
Personally, I knew because I would get very aroused by breasts in my early teens and would get off to imagining women in sexual scenarios. EZ. (Or so it would seem, I was still in denial for years somehow)
If you're not a horndog it may be more difficult. But you say sexual tension, so if you want to eat her out or something I'd say that's pretty clear.
I'm late but based posts nonny
. I know the lesbian thread is leaking now but I'm unironically triggered
by the people who give lesbians the same retarded advice they would give lonely men i.e. "just talk to the girl at the shop and meet people!" like it worked for anyone ever and didn't make you seem like a creep, but it's extra offensive when they tell you to just "join clubs and hobbies" as if SSA women were a plentiful resource found just as often as straight women for men looking for their company. I have plenty of life-long gay-friendly hobbies yet I've met maybe 10 actually SSA women in my entire lifespan who weren't just spicy straights or male-repulsed polilezzies and the majority of them had a long-term relationship already. If anon wants to experiment then the best way is to just jump right in to see how she feels instead of waiting for possibly years to come across in the wild.
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So I’ve been questioning my speciality for a few years after I broke up with my last boyfriend and never really had the urge to date again. Nothing has really changed but I guess I was left with a void in my sex life which I mostly ignored. Once in a while I’d masturbate purely out of function, I didn’t even imagine anything. I knew I couldn’t be asexual because I did have a sex drive plus asexuals are fake and gay. Then I wondered, maybe Im a lesbian? I started imagining women romantically, which was surprisingly easy, but every time I imagined sex I was turned off because my autism/ocd really makes me hate bodily fluids. Vaginas are too wet for me to be a lesbian.
So I started imagining what I liked in the before-time, my childhood, when I imagined crushes without a problem. I remembered liking a few boys but they were literal children at the time so obviously it wasn’t going to happen and I felt like a creep. Then I remembered having the biggest crush on SpongeBob and I told myself, ok I might as well try to see if there’s still a spark there. I didn’t know what to do at first so I just decided to imagine myself and self insert with him romantically. I didn’t want to feel like an easy hoe so I “courted” him on imaginary dates over the course of a few days. This was also to see if I felt the spark I’ve been looking for. Well, long story short I definitely hit it off with SpongeBob. The fantasies became sexual and it’s been a few months going strong. There’s a lot of things I love about him and I’m really enjoying my time, I could gush but I don’t think this is the appropriate place (And before anyone asks “but SpongeBob is wet what about your OCD?” You should know that the physics of water in SpongeBob are similar to that of air on land, so it really doesn’t matter).
I guess what I’m trying to say is questioning being a lesbian made me rekindle and an old fling with SpongeBob.