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File: 1445077805481.jpg (17 KB, 460x288, babyBlues_1661772c.jpg)

No. 49996

This is probably an odd talk, but can we talk about pregnancies, babies and all that kinda shit? I'm sure some of you farmers have kids here, while some of you are feeling the pressure to have kids and whatnot.

No. 49997

I'm mentally ill and non-functioning, so I'm terrified to have children.

Don't get me wrong. I think babies and little kids are really cute. But I don't want to have one, because I don't want to fuck them up. I had a bad childhood. And I'm not stable enough to support another human life.

Maybe if I ever get my crazy under control. But otherwise, no, I won't have a child.

Side-talk: If I ever was not insane, I would adopt a child before I had my own.

No. 49998

Does anybody else regard pregnancy similar to that of have a parasite growing within you and stealing your calcium?

This is the one thing that will forever prevent me from having kids, that and the fact that I cannot bear children.

Just adopt an older child that's passed that irritating "screams to communicate" stage; they're the ones that need a home more than anybody.

No. 49999

Same. Except I'm also afraid the hormonal changes will make me crazy. And most of the women in my family got their vagina ripped to their anus.


I hate the idea of adopted children for so many reasons. Shitty genetics and possibly addicted to drugs. I highly doubt the mom took prenatals and abstained from alcohol for a baby she didn't want. Even if the baby doesn't look FAS it could still be hyperactive and slightly retarded later. I wouldn't even consider an older child because the mom that didn't want them had even longer to fuck them up.

No. 50000

File: 1445105864975.jpg (43.71 KB, 396x398, 1435239634995.jpg)

I cant wait to have a family with my partner. Im studying childhood studies so i think i will be capable of giving them the care they need…or at least aspire to.

in terms of pregnancy im not looking forward to the possible morning sickness and terrible stretch marks.i already have a shit ton of them and ive always been skinny - a good indicator that i will get a shit ton of stretch marks during pregnancy too.

No. 50001

File: 1445106887301.jpg (7.07 KB, 150x150, goy-goyim.jpg)


No. 50002

im not sure i want to have kids. unless they give me so many drugs that i cant feel anything and have no idea theres a baby coming out of my vag.

i would like to foster. i think giving someone stability and support during their teenage years is really important.
theres so many good kids who give up on themselves because they think theyre going to end up just like their parents…

i dunno

No. 50003

My fiance and I don't want children. There's too much we want to do and see that at the point where we would even begin to entertain children we'd be like 50, so no kids for us.

Also I find pregnancy and childbirth really gross/horrifying

No. 50004

I'm young but married, neither me nor my husband want kids. My husband can't even stand other people's children. I honestly think not wanting kids is becoming more ND more popular as people logically think about it. For me it's

>I'd rather spend butt loads of money on traveling than kids

>I'm mentally ill and don't want to pass this on to my offspring
>I'm worried I'd beat my kids out of frustration with them, no joke
>pregnancy is disgusting and painful, don't want to ruin my body
>what I'd my kid came out autistic ? I'd be terrified I'd have a life commitment to this vagina turd instead of only a 20 year one
>I don't even know how to take care of myself, how the hell am I going to take care of another human being

No. 50005

i figure im just helping depopulate the earth

No. 50006

I would love to, but it just feels like a bad time, with the internet and tumblr-esque PC bullshit in schools these days. I would want to protect them from that stuff.
Maybe I will if I get a plot of land out in the country and get approved for home-schooling.
This world sure seems like it's going downhill, and fast.

No. 50007


Not desiring kids makes you a goy what.

No. 50008


Fostering is tough. If you're somewhat altruistic and find meaning in sacrificing for others, it would be worth looking into. You can't save everyone though and it sucks sometimes. I almost think it'd be simpler to raise your own biological children since they're more likely to take after you, and your parenting is not being constantly challenged by the kid's bio parents or micromanaged by the government.

If you're really interested in it, though, more power to you. I highly respect good foster parents. I grew up with a grandmother who fostered, so I got to see all the good and the bad. Seeing her handle it all like a saint was awe inspiring.

I think I want to have one or two kids myself so I can get a handle on raising another human being. Maybe if I make it out sane/alive I will consider fostering. It's a shame that a horrible genetic disease runs in my family and there's a chance I may have it and pass it on, cuz I actually want kids. Always want what we can't have, right?

No. 50009

I think the reason you're looking for is just "I'm selfish and immature, I don't want to be responsible of another person".

No. 50010

Not the anon you're replying to, but basically that's why I don't want kids lol.

I'd rather take care of senior dogs or some shit, I just don't have those natural maternal instincts I always hear about from my friends.

No. 50011

How the fuck do you guys deal with your nagging parents? My dad won't stop whining about how he wants grandkids, and I don't want him to be sad, but I don't fucking want kids.

No. 50012

I have a 3 year old, it was so ridiculously tough at first and I wasn't sure I made the right choice but I love being a mom now. I think I just don't like babies.

It's definitely not a good idea to do unless you actively want children. Childbirth is probably the easiest part, for me at least. Taking care of an infant is soul sucking but once they become somewhat independent and can learn and follow instructions then its fucking awesome. We went to the fair last night and I didn't have that much fun even when I was a kid myself.

No. 50013

People often whine about how they don't want to take care of babies like that phase lasts for years. It goes by ridiculously fast and soon you'll have a toddler that can manage by itself and actually communicate with.

No. 50014

I wish I didn't have a uterus.

No. 50015

Is it weird that I like babies/infants? I like the idea of someone being so dependent on me. A young cute little baby is what I want, but I'm afraid I'll lose interest in being a parent once they are old enough to talk back.

No. 50016

I have no idea. I've tried to joke my way out of it and just refusing to acknowledge it (the latter works best, but it still sucks). I really wish my family would just shut the fuck up about it.

No. 50017

You know what's actually selfish, having a child when there are so many in orphanages and foster care who need homes

I don't understand why people always jump to this "oh you don't want children and would rather spend that money on yourself and your spouse? fuck you you're selfish"

I think it's jealousy honestly

No. 50018

Even ignoring doesn't work with all parents. Every time my sister and husband visit, my parents keep poking at them to have a kid and will not stop no matter what response they do or don't get. They know he doesn't want kids right now because of his childhood, how it affected his parents and not being financially ready for a child. They keep pushing and pushing until he's clearly pissed off. I feel bad for them both when this happens.

I've asked my mom how she would react if I didn't want a kid. She said she'd be disappointed in me, that it'd be a waste of my womanhood and doesn't know how she would see me if I was being serious.

I don't like kids. I find them annoying. I find teenagers annoying. I just worry I'll be sad and lonely as an old lady and don't want to disappoint my parents, but that's pretty much it.

No. 50019

>I don't understand why people always jump to this "oh you don't want children and would rather spend that money on yourself and your spouse? fuck you you're selfish"

This. I don't get it either. Why do other people care whether or not you want kids?

No. 50020

I don't really get it myself. Isn't it more selfish to have kids you don't want or can't take care of just to fill some role society says you have to fill?

Maybe some people who ended up with more than they can handle feel some animosity towards people without children because they have more free time and money.

Then you have people 60+ who are from another era and were raised differently. So they tell you that having children makes you feel fulfilled. But thinking back to how many kids my great grandmother had to raise alone when her husband died at 29 slaving in the fields to support those children, Yeah. I don't want a situation like that. I think it's better off that I just don't have any kids. It doesn't make me selfish. It's less selfish that I don't get into a situation I feel I can't handle.

No. 50021

Never got that mentality either. Maybe it was a big deal to have kids years and years ago, but the earth is obviously not lacking in human beings atm and not everyone wants to be a parent. It's a huge responsibility.

No. 50022

Luckily my parents don't really bother me about the kid thing because we don't know if I can or not. They've made a benign comment to my boyfriend about it but beyond that they're just like "it'll happen if it happens." My brother just had a baby so they have at least one grandchild right now, but I know they want more.

I don't really know how I feel about kids. I'm not ready right this second, but since my nephew was born I've definitely felt more inclined to have children, but I've had reproductive problems since I was 16. Maybe when I am ready to have kids I feel differently, but right now going through fertility treatments sounds like a nightmare.

No. 50023

File: 1445267374231.png (582.13 KB, 455x672, life.png)

>30 years old, in a relationship for almost 8 years now.
>He has four kids from previous marriage.
>Kids range from 12-17. Two boys and two girls.
>Boys are a pain when they're little but are easy teens.
>Girls are easy when they're little but are a pain when they're teens.
>Their biological mother is BPD, meth addict, and recently got arrested for drug cultivation and distribution.
>Dealing with her manipulations for years.
>Kids have been emotionally and psychologically abused by her. One even attempted suicide at her house.
>Her shithead husband is physically abusive towards her and has threatened boys on numerous occasions.
>Been fighting through the courts for years trying to get full custody.
>We finally got it after she was arrested.
>Kids are happiest they've ever been and feel safe now.
>Too many ups and downs over the years.
>Parents pressuring me lately to have my own children.
>They're older so it's almost like their dying wish to see their grandchildren.
>I'm an only child so it's all up to me.
>I have no idea if I want my own after dealing with all the craziness over the years.
>This is my life.

No. 50024

You realize you are literally a cuck. Why would you date a guy with 4 kids at 22 (with a meth addict ex so he can't be that great either)? And now you are 30 and wasted all your good years. I feel so bad for you if I could travel back I'd go to when you were 22 and smack you until you don't fuck your life up.

No. 50025

He's actually pretty close to my ideal. Looks, personality, hobbies, great sex, etc. I just wish he wasn't such a pushover. He basically let her walk all over him for years. Even while we were taking her to court she would somehow talk him into delaying. I do sometimes wish someone would've talked me out of it back then. It's a good relationship but adding kids and a crazy lady into the dynamic puts unbearable strain on it. Anyway, polite sage for not talking about kids specifically.

No. 50026

You are such an idiot if you have a baby since your parents want a grandbaby. Does your boyfriend even want another kid? Do you even have the emotional reserves and mental stamina to start all over with a baby when you have four other kids to care for right now?

I mean, if you want a baby, have a baby (and do it quick before your energy levels drop even more), but it's almost crazy for your parents to expect another child from you when you're already a mother of four. They should've seen this coming when you got together with a dad who loves his children and he didn't knock you up asap. Are they not at all emotionally invested in his kids?

No. 50027

I've managed to keep my kid alive for a year. His birthday was yesterday. Go me.

No. 50028

I used to be vehemently against having kids. Now I'm not quiet as anti-baby, but still not very excited by the idea of having one. Meh.

Thankfully my husband is the same way. Not 100% against babies so if it did happen we wouldn't like divorce but, also plenty happy to remain baby free in the mean time

No. 50029

>getting in a relationship at 22 with someone who already has four children and was married before.

Those are some insanely low standards. damn.

No. 50030

Kudos. I'm not a mom and part of it's due to the stress of having someone's life in my hands. I have a cat and taking care of him is more responsibility thanI want sometimes–I couldn't imagine caring for a child, too.

No. 50031

I want to have kids when I am in my early thirties. I love kids and I work as a director for childrens theater. I am afraid about going off my meds during pregnancy, it would be very scary. But I think I would be a good parent for the most part. I would just have to dial down urges to force them to like the stuff that I liked as a kid.. because I want to relive that and I often wish I was still a kid..

No. 50032

Don't listen to these anons, they're stuck in the 50s.

No. 50033

Haha thanks. I already know I'm going to be a mess when I send him off to school or whatever. I have him in daycare right now and it's hard knowing I can't keep an eye on him 24/7. I'm doing what I can to not be one of those parents though because they annoy the shit out of me.

No. 50034

rofl. Are you really that dumb? Instead of meeting a guy and falling in love, she's basically a pre-set wife to someone who already has four kids. four fucking kids is massive baggage.

No. 50035

Haha I seem to have caused a bit of a shitstorm.


Which is why I have been trying to figure that out anon. I do want my own kids but it is extremely exhausting having to deal with four stepchildren. I also have seen the good and the bad to having children. The bad scares the shit out of me. He and I have discussed having children when we first became serious with each other and he wanted to as well. It never seemed like the right time to though, with all the drama going on with the bio-mom.


>meeting a guy and falling in love

Yeah, but that's exactly what happened. You honestly think I would voluntarily involve myself with all that if I didn't fall in love? Let alone stick around. Very true regarding the massive baggage part. But honestly it's the bio-mom that's causing the worst of it.

No. 50036

Anon are you black?you sound just like this girl I know

No. 50037

Same fagging

I guess not. The girl I know was 22 and with some fat white guy with 4 kids from a previous marriage or w.e. Your stories sound so similar that I wonder if it's her.

No. 50038

Ah nope, just a half Korean Amerifag. Though from what I've heard in stepparenting communities the scenario is more common than you would think.

No. 50039

There's usually never going to be a "perfect" time to have a baby. I know you said there wasn't a right time, not a perfect time, but if you do want a biokid of your own and you're already 30 I seriously think you should consider trying to get pregnant soon if your finances would allow you to care for another child. You'll have months to get ready for a new baby and usually couples trying to have a baby aren't successful at first, especially the older you get.

No. 50040

File: 1445402490429.jpg (86.35 KB, 434x353, 1388179992399.jpg)

I really want to adopt (and have them as my only child), but it's hard to find a partner who would want to do that as well

No. 50041

four fucking kids is enough, dont you think? jfc i hate people who want huge families.

No. 50042

This is too true. Finances aren't an issue for us right now, it was always the stress of dealing with the ex. It may be something to consider now though since we have some reprieve because of the courts.


Oh I dislike large families as well, I sure as hell would never have more than one child. But I don't really expect you to understand. I have been in their lives for a while but they're not my kids. I love them and care about them but they don't feel like mine and I doubt they ever will. It may have been different if it was a an adoption situation, where I am considered their mother. Co-parenting with someone else, especially someone as fucking insane as their mother is, does not make it easy. It's hard to describe, but it just feels like something is missing. Stepparenting is extremely difficult. It can be fulfilling in some ways but I would honestly recommend people to stay away from it if possible.

No. 50043

how do you have stretchmarks if you've always been skinny
and damn girl, child rearing is not something that comes from a book
its called life

No. 50044

Same. When I told this to my friends they called me crazy because it's a holy miracle of life, how can anyone compare such things?
Um, ok. I guess if someone grows helmynths inside of them it counts just as much, because for me those are the same things, only babies are much more dangerous for the host and can even cause death. I don't hate children or babies, they are cute, but I just can't deal with the horror of Alien'esque nature of pregnancy and birth.

No. 50045

I wish so badly that I could have kids of my own. I've been told by doctors that if I did get pregnant that I would be such high risk that I'd be bedridden until I could safely deliver the baby. It makes me feel super guilty that I can't give my husband kids like he and I want. However, we are starting the application to become foster parents.

No. 50046

I actually had my baby girl four weeks ago through c-section. My pregnancy was a breeze, and I work for my ob/gyn so it made it a whole lot easier. Life as a new mother is tough, but I can't even begin to describe the amount of love that comes with it. There's nothing out there that could compare.

No. 50047

Congrats anon!

I just want to say, to all the anons in this thread who want children/already have kids not to be too discouraged by those of us who don't.

No. 50048

File: 1446749864373.jpg (175.24 KB, 1280x798, IMG0879-X2.jpg)

I always go through periods of baby fever. Having been pregnant before (I chose abortion) I know how horribly my body reacts to pregnancy. Fainting, nausea, headaches, mood swings, sore boobs…ugh, it was just the worst. It was like I got every symptom in the book, at the earliest possible weeks that they could appear.


Morning sickness sucks fucking balls, anon.Not to mention you get really sensitive to all sorts of smells. Of all things that got me to actually dry heave, it was the smell of a sandwich. A SANDWICH. And it can ruin so many good foods for you as well. I would eat some pasta for dinner and find it delicious, then look back on it a few hours and be repulsed by it. Then my brain would do this weird thing where it would keep thinking about pasta and flashing its images of gross squirming worm-like noodles into my brain. Ugh, I still can't enjoy it to this day, and it's been a year since.


My brother just got married, and his wife is basically infertile do to some problem with her uterus. They said they might adopt someday, but they aren't too keen on the idea. I fucking love kids and would love to raise a family someday, but I live in constant fear of having a baby at a time in my life where I'm not as ready as I could possibly be financially (hence my past abortion.) I'm honestly scared of giving my future kids a shitty life.

No. 50049

In general I have always thought I don't want kids, but as I have gotten older (over 25) I have started to question my stance on that. I wonder if I resigned myself to never having kids because of lack of stable income and relationships and even lack of faith in myself as a potential mother, and then convinced myself that "it's fine, not like I wanted kids anyway…"

Starting to think I might want at least one kid. But I also think if I never had one, I wouldn't be bent out of shape about it.

No. 50050

Major growth spurts.

No. 50051

I've never wanted children but as I've gotten older sometimes I get small urges. However I've pinpointed it down to simply being that my life lacks purpose and I'm nostalgic about my childhood. Having a kid fixes neither of those problems since I don't actually like children at all, I just liked my own life as a child. I can totally see how depressed women who otherwise don't want kids could be fooled by their thoughts and pop out a kid or two to try and fill the void.

No. 50052

I'm not gonna have childs. I'd probably do pedo shit and mess them up on purpose because I'm a crazy bitch.

No. 50053

My son is almost 10 months old now and I am getting ready to start trying for another baby, unbeknownst to my boyfriend. Lol.
inb4 you're horrible to do that to him
We want more kids, he just doesn't think it's the "right" time. We could wait a year and it still might not be the right time. And I personally don't want my kids to be too far apart in age. I am excited, and I know he will be too once it's said and done. Haha.

No. 50054

File: 1446846277245.jpg (128.39 KB, 1920x1080, 5SMl4TY.jpg)




No. 50055

Live you life anon. My only advice is to potty train the first rugrat asap if you end up with #2. Nothing makes you hate life more than going through poopy newborn diapers all day, only to have the older one need more heavy duty changes. I have a friend who is 8 months pregnant, and has a 1 year old son. These next few months are going to be hell for her.

No. 50056

I just hope I never catch the baby rabies. That's it.

No. 50057

My fiance and I are getting married in two years and most likely will have babies right away. I'll be 25-26, so that's a good age I think. I just don't want kids after I'm 35 bc I don't want a rere

No. 50058

I dunno if I want kids. I'll probably just adopt, I hate that so many kids live in the foster care system without a family. Plus, I have really shitty genetics.

I don't know if I could handle raising a kid, though. I'm mentally ill and I don't think I could handle any kind of lifetime commitment, especially kids.

Me and my boyfriend haven't talked about it but I don't think he wants kids. We both grew up broke and in really bad homes so I don't think we'd even know how to raise a kid without messing them up. Idk.

No. 50059

I'm past 25 now and I am convinced if I have a kid it'll be retarded.

No. 50060

This is either going to be fine or fuck you over really hard.

Example, that's what my mom did to my dad, she had her tubes tied and didn't tell my dad that she had an egg taken out for baby makin, that's how I popped up, he was happy about it though.

OR, you can be like my buddy who thought this was a super smart move to pull on her boyfriend; who didn't like it at all and promptly broke up with her, she got an abortion.

No. 50061

File: 1457394420606.jpeg (11.88 KB, 287x203, open-uri20121115-32119-im7rjc.…)

I just found out that im 5 weeks pregnant and im terrified. im 21 and my boyfriend is 28. he says hes totally ready for kids (except financially)… i just dont know if im ready to give up my drunk partying lifestyle yet. im also in nursing school with three more years to go and he doesnt have any education after high school. anyone else been in a situation like this?

pic related, me rn

No. 50062

Get an abortion. Do not let your boyfriend change your mind. Especially considering that "except financially…" bit.

No. 50063

21 is too young. You're going to end up at home with it all day long and zero time for a real career. Abort now. My sister was 20 when she had a kid (my parents even told her to abort, but she didn't) and regrets it ever since. She had to quit school and works retail now.

No. 50064

Im 30. no kids. never been pregnant. and I dont know what it is…that biological clock maybe? but the urge to BE pregnant has been strong since the age of 27. Im in a steady relationship and financially secure.

At this point Ive told myself, "if you finally happen to get pregnant now, your keeping it"

…then I visit people with children, and I treat their kids like adults. I dont do baby talk really. Kid logic just baffles me. like it really gets to me when we are about to eat cake for a birthday and the kid starts whining about "but I dont like frosting whaaa!!" and im like…you fucking kidding me? ive seen you eat fucking frosting. or the way they suck at lieing, like kid, how stupid do you think I am?? they are all little cows to me.

some people say my no nonsense would be good for a kid, some people say id be a bad mom. idk, but if I wait any longer I may never have the opportunity to have kids bc ill be to old.

No. 50065

If you want kids you want kids, and no one can convince you otherwise. That being said, you sound like you actually hate 'raising' a kid, but don't mind being around them for a few hours, to play, or whatever. My parents were strict but they were fair and explained why I couldn't have something if I "whined about it" (and boy did I ever). They had the patience and tenacity to stick with it, even through the temper tantrums and screaming and puking. It isn't for everyone, and liking kids generally is NOT the same thing as enjoying raising one.

Ask yourself if you're up for the task of shaping a human being into a functional, mostly respectful and law abiding citizen. Given how many fuck that up, it's a monumental task that should only be undertaken when you're %100000000 sure, and willing to sacrifice your life, your happiness, your enjoyment for THEIRS.

Specific to your situation anon - if you have no reproductive issues you should be able to have kids for a long time. There is no reason to have one now if you can hold off to be more stable later on. Kids, statistically, do better in homes that have stable financial income and a supportive and loving environment. That second one generally means 'no revolving doors' - you don't have to be married or even in a relationship to have a kid and raise them well, but you do want to keep ANYTHING to do with your sex life (frequency, ect ect) so removed from their life it isn't even funny. They shouldn't meet casual flings or anything like that, the only person that you can introduce as a possible 'partner' or 'boyfriend' should be a solid, wants to settle down kind of guy. Even when parents do have a more relaxed sexual life, separating that from their kids helps ensure they develop their own sexuality at their own pace and without your opinions.

No. 50066

im >>136097

Hey, thanks. Its true I dont hate them, kids are pretty cool honestly. I think it bugs me more knowing its not my place to discipline or correct a rude kid that isn't mine. and that maybe with my own kid I wont view them as annoying little jerks. its the little girls that get along with me best, the boys are to rough house for me. so, if I ever have a kid I hope its a girl.

No. 50067

I hate babies and children, I will never poop one out of me nor will I adopt one. Though I do believe adoption, whether it's a pet or a human, is noble.

No. 50068

I've heard it often that people's views on children rearing/pregnancy can change when the child is their own.

No. 50069

It's okay anon, you're young. No one expects you to know how to rear a kid or do a good job — you're barely out of 'discovering yourself' phase. I'm 27 and I'm only starting to figure myself out and part of that is health reasons. I'm never going to have kids, and it's partially due to the conversation I had with my mother about her mom. She's a very distant mother and my own mom does love her, dearly. She also said my grandmother probably…shouldn't have had them. She wasn't well enough equipped psychologically to take care of them really well. My grandfather is so loving and dedicated, 3/4 great kids is not bad especially with mental disorders in the family. But I'm glad my mom was honest with me, because I think she knew I felt some doubt, and she is very happy to have kids. But she wanted me to know it's not uncommon or unknown for women not to want to have kids, or not even be great at rearing them. It doesn't make them any less amazing, and my grandmother tried her best. It's really up to the individual.

Honestly, I think it's fine if you maybe want kids but just not NOW, and decide to abort it. Like I said if you're decently healthy 'down there', you can have kids later. My friend has had 3 abortions (2 because of faulty procedures though) – but it never affected her potential fertility. I trust you'll think about this, and maybe talk to friends who are also young and had kids about their honest experiences.

No. 50070

As a very loved 'surprise' baby of a former baby hater, can confirm.
I also hate them but I've gone soft on any I'm related to lately,it can only get more serious from here.

No. 50071

This is me. I love babies, toddlers, and small children and then can't tolerate anyone from approx ages 6-20. lmao.

I get really broody and constantly want a baby :/ That's the keyword though - baby. I don't want a child or 20+ year responsibility. Plus I've got all kinds of physical and mental ailments that I really don't need to pass onto another human. If I were healthier, I would totally be a surrogate.

No. 50072

Sometimes I daydream about having a kid and doing really happy family things with me, my daughter and husband but then I switch back into reality and tbh seeing how much my mom went through it makes me think I would be cut out to be a mom

No. 50073

I feel awkward because my sister has a 1-year old and she occasionally asks about me babysitting him for her, but I really suck at watching kids. I don't talk or smile a lot so babytalk is hard for me to do, and when he's moving around I just hover over him out of fear that he might get hurt by something. I've never changed a diaper in my life and we've never tried fittimg his car seat for my vehicle so if I watch him I'm just stuck in her house.

So sometimes she'll suddenly spring him on me if she wants to go to the gym or when I object to babysitting him for a few hours she'll do the "Anon he's YOUR nephew" talk.

I'm not interested in having kids, either. It'll be nice when he's older and I can be the cool aunt that spoils him but that's going to be a few years off and God knows if I'll even be around by then.

No. 50074

I'm never having kids. I don't see the point at all. I'm not going to do something that's unpleasant and brings me no benefits whatsoever.

And I'd be way too angry if the kid came out stupid. I can't stand dumb people.


Is this bait? I hope it's bait.
>not doing what you don't want to do is immature
>the grown up thing to do is blindly do what others want you to do

No. 50075

Me too anon. I love babies, but it's more like I don't want them to grow up so soon. I kinda understand my mother's feelings when she saw me in my university graduation uniform and said,"I remember holding you in my arms when you're a baby like yesterday, now you're a big girl, oh!"

Now my feelings when I see the babies of my relatives whom i'm close with growing up to pre teens are like,"I haven't done much for you, don't you dare growing up so fast!!" hahaaa…

No. 50076

File: 1457550812960.jpg (31.02 KB, 480x360, tmp_17939-sweet-2038405690.jpg)

Everyone has so many different opinions when it comes to children, but it seems like there aren't many people here who actually have them.

I always wanted to be child free. My boyfriend and I decided we didn't want kids when we got together over 4 years ago. Accidents happen, though. I have a 7 month old baby, now. It sucks. I'm one of the people that DESPISES babyhood. I'm so glad it only lasts a little while, because I'm about to go fucking crazy. I know I'm going to have so mucb fun with him when he can walk/talk and gets a little independance, though. I'm willing to answer any questions I can about being a mom. Also, I'm 23, if that matters.

No. 50077

except im pretty sure the adoption agency can tell you about the mother. especially if you are planning to adopt from a woman who is still pregnany. or sometimes its a youngish girl who can raise the baby

No. 50078


No. 50079

did you get c-setion?natural birth? how are the stretch marks, loose belly and possibly loose vagina?
im scared of all of those. it makes me not want to have children

No. 50080

Natural birth (which wasn't as bad as some make it out to be, I was only in the hospital 7 hours before he was born.) I didn't get stretch marks. Also, my stomach went back to "normal," (although, I've NEVER been toned) and I weigh a little less than I did before pregnancy. It wasn't bad, which is why I NEVER want another. The next pregnancy is sure to ruin my body completely. As for the vaginal thing, I haven't had sex properly to know. Recovery has been hard for me, even though doctors say it's easier than recovering from a C-section. We attempted sex once 5 months post-birth and it felt like a stitch was going to rip or something (even though they've been LONG disolved.)

No. 50081

I don't think I want children, but my fiance brings it up all the time. He's got baby fever more than I do. It's almost a deal breaker for me, but we've been together 5 years. I have talked to him about it before, and he says he'll still accept whatever happens, but he's trying real hard to get me to change his mind. I don't have much experience around children or babies and don't really have the instinct I suppose. But what scares me way more than babies are teenagers. I cannot deal with bullshit from teens. I'm a shy and quiet person, so I can imagine my kid would be bullied or something and I don't want to see my kid go through that. And kids are so expensive! I guess it's selfish, but I want to spend money on ME. Travel, hobbies,clothes, etc. If I do have kids, I just hope for all boys. I have all brothers and I'm the.only girl. I have no idea how to deal with girls.

No. 50082

How old are you?
I find most people who are open about their worries with having children generally make the best parents. It's the ones who think they have it all down that fuck it up

It's up to you and your fiance to figure it out, but I'm sure you'd be fine. Think of all the idiots whose kids turned out fine

No. 50083

Need some non judgemental advice here. I'm 8 weeks 3 days pregnant and I decided on abortion. I was convinced I wouldn't change my mind so I drank 6 beers last night and got really drunk. Now I'm worried. If I decide to keep the baby, what are the odds that I did some damage?

No. 50084

Slim. Of course there's always a chance but for the most part you shouldn't have anything to worry about unless you drink heavily all the time, and continue to do so. I had a similar question when I found out I was pregnant and before I decided to go through with abortion. I had no idea so I was living it up partying on the weekends. The doc said that I shouldn't worry about it and that a lot of women do drink in the early stages before they realize with issues. Good luck on your decision, whatever it may be!

No. 50085

Thanks, my boyfriend left me when he found out i got drunk so its been a shitshow

No. 50086

Fuck that guy. Good luck though anon.

No. 50087

I'm so sorry anon, I hope whatever you decide works out for you. Your boyfriend is a cunt for ducking out like that, pregnancy is a scary thing and the choice to carry on or terminate isn't an easy thing. I really hope you have a good support system through friends and family.

No. 50088

3-8 weeks is the critical period where an embryo is most susceptible to teratogenic damage. It's somewhat risky to binge drink during this period, but it's definitely a lower risk than drinking heavily and constantly. I hope everything works out for you whatever you decide.

No. 50089

File: 1459467282071.jpg (40.16 KB, 500x500, 1400018219848757833.jpg)

I want children, but I'm piss scared of them being mentally challenged. I don't think I could handle it. I'm so terrified of this possibility that, even though I want biological kids, I might just adopt to be absolutely sure.

I have no hatred for mentally challenged people at all. I just, personally, couldn't do it.

No. 50090

Have I fucked up my baby? Fuck I'm scared. Can they test for fetal alcohol syndrome while I'm still pregnant?

No. 50091


ngl, there's a large possibility Anon. With FAS it can only take 1 unit of alcohol to fuck up development, sometimes even less.

No. 50092

You've hurt your child. Nice one.

No. 50093

Just get the abortion.

No. 50094

Don't fuck without contraception, kids.

No. 50095

Don't drink anymore, but no, you probably didn't fuck your child.
Human babies are even in uterus much stronger than you think.

No. 50096


Most babies are fine, even if the mother drinks smokes and does heroine. I mean, physically fine. They'll obviously get some problems from their drug-ass mother.

Seriously why even do that to yourself? Nobody needs that many beers in one night. Just smoke pot or do X or something if you hate your life.

No. 50097

i want a baby as im nearing 25 and i feel this is a good age. i dont have my life together enough though :(

my bf would make a perfect dad genetically and we have similar morals so our parenting styles would be alike but a. he has no career path (so while he has money now, who knows about the future) and b. he would be happy to 'put one in me' but we couldnt be a family bc he wants a white waifu so he can continue the white race (im half hispanic so not pure enough i guess)

fuvk i need to leave him and move on because im not getting any younger here but udk :(

No. 50098

>he wants a white waifu so he can continue the white race (im half hispanic so not pure enough i guess)
Holy shit, love yourself and leave him

No. 50099


Why the fuck is he dating you if you're visibly Hispanic and he's a white supremacist? Has he actually literally told you that he can't raise a baby with you because you're not a perfect aryan waifu?

Either choose the single mother life or gtfo before you can't have any kids. You don't wanna waste your time.

No. 50100

Drinking and doing drugs during pregnancy can still result in ADHD or autism, and autism is different in every individual. Either you and the kid are lucky and the autism is only mild to moderate. Or it is severe and it can be even worse than down syndrome.

Just don't do alcohol and drugs during pregnancy, just don't. It's selfish and you will fuck up the child. It'll end up with psychological issues, neurodevelopmental issues, a fucking drug dependency etc. You don't only have to worry about FAS or the kid being visibly fucked up.

No. 50101

im not really visibly hispanic, i look white. but yeah hes said that he'd have a kid with me but would also have to pursue a white woman to fulfill his destiny or wgtever

No. 50102

My mum told me I was 10273928292 times cuter than the babies on youtube is she lying?

No. 50103

Anon, why are you with this guy again? Are you even realising what you're writing? I hope you're just trolling, because I don't want somebody's relationship to really be this depressing.

No. 50104

lmao, that's some great stockholm syndrome right there

> no career path

> white supremacist
> not pure enough for him
> not willing to be a family with you
> but, muh genetics! he's perfect!

Also, 25 is nothing, just dump him.

No. 50105

I'm with him because he's given me stability I never had and I like this country more than my own and I don't want to leave it. He also helps me with my mental issues but there's no denying that he does take advantage of me

No. 50106

Just leave his fucking ass,I bet you can do better than that.

No. 50107

Work on getting the documents and paperwork towards being part of this country without having to stay with him.

No. 50108

Do you even realize what you are saying?

No. 50109

do enlighten us

No. 50110

Yes. They like this new country more than their old one and don't want to leave. It implies she has to stay with him, in order to stay in the country. I said work on being able to stay in the country without him, via paperwork and documents. Are you okay anon?

No. 50111

I don't want kids because I honestly don't have the money or the balls to raise them. I'm a poor student with a short fuse, I barely have time for my dog and I know some women who literally threw their life away when they had a baby because if you're a mother and have hobbies you're not spending enough time with the kid apparently.
My bf is a disgusting slob and our flat is filthy because I don't have time to clean up after him. He sweats in his sleep and drools and my bedroom fucking reeks because of it. I'm not bringing my child up in a kip.
My mum had me at 37 and I'm fine so there's time. I'll wait until I find someone more responsible and start earning more money.

No. 50112

Lol, you're encouraging more unstable people to a country thats already full. Stay where you are and unless you're useful dont marry in order to immigrate, shit is so fucked up and annoying. Has nothing to do with race as the girl with the question is actually race baiting.

No. 50113

You don't even know what country she's in.

No. 50114

or what country she's from

No. 50115

Like I said, she is race baiting so I know what ethnicity she belongs to

No. 50116

The ethnicity was not the subject matter in question.

She already stated outright she was half hispanic.

Work on your reading comprehension, and/or remove yourself from the genepool for being such a failure.

No. 50117

LOL my reading comprehension doesnt matter, on /g/ you cannot talk about race even indirectly and she is directly talking about it.
>but we couldnt be a family bc he wants a white waifu so he can continue the white race (im half hispanic so not pure enough i guess)
Why is it necessary for her to mention it?

She is half hispanic half white do you think that she lives in Australia or something? Where else does she want to live?

No. 50118

Actually I am american trying to stay in australia lol.

No. 50119

Oh well in that case I think you should
a b s o l u t e l y marry him! Enjoy your stay and good luck, sorry for doubting your genuineness!

No. 50120

Fuck off we're full.

No. 50121

Anons, how does one decide whether or not they want to have a child?
I'm having a really hard time deciding this and the pressure only gets worse, even though I'm only fucking 23y.o. atm.
Having a child could be nice and kids are so cute when they are little(around 1-10 years old), but…What will I do when they are too little and then when their puberty will begin? Pregnancy is a nightmare, babies are terrifying and I have no idea what to do with them, and teenagers are kind of fucked up, there's no way I'd be able to keep my child from becoming a trainwreck.
And how can I possibly raise a child into a normal person? I'm 23 and I have no fucking idea how to be an adult myself and what to do with my own life. And thanks to my mother I don't even have an idea how to have a normal relationship with a child.
But then again, having a child could be nice, and I'd really like to see how my genes+my hubby's genes will turn out.

I'm hoping that a genetic test which I'll do later this year will help me decide, there are a couple of serious problems that run into our family, even some history of mental illness on my mom's side, but until I know just how bad it is, its kind of not convincing enough…
Also my husband is very "meh" about kids right now and actually promised me that if I'd want a child someday he'll get us a 3rd cat lol.
Maybe I'll get lucky and he will never want a child at all, so I won't even have to make a decision myself.

Sorry for broken english

No. 50122

I'm 23 also, had my son at 22. Speaking from a mom's perspective, it's not all that bad (yet.) He's an adorable little lump. I'm not sure what I'm going to do when he gets older, but I guess we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. Every pregnancy is different. You might get lucky, like I did, and have no problems at all. Or, you might be one of those who has "morning sickness" your entire pregnancy.

Now, speaking from my own experience outside of just motherhood, don't do it. You sound like you're on the fence, but leaning towards "no." If the only reason you want to have children is to see what they'd look like and to carry on your genes, this is not the life choice for you. It's fucking hard when they're newborns and you get like 3 hours of sleep a night for 4 months straight. It'll make you question your sanity every minute of every day. It's hard when they rely on you for EVERYTHING. Obviously, you won't be able to live your life the same way you are now, except a baby is just there. I'm not sure if anyone has actually talked to you about having kids, but you've probably heard how it basically flips your daily life upside down.

No. 50123

I'm pregnant right now and I already know I'm doing better than my parents because I just have…all this LOVE I cannot contain. Seriously. Its weird. Did anyone else get that in early pregnancy? This weird happy lovebuzz?

But of course there are anxieties because I have issues. I have to start mental health treatment like, NOW, basically. And I think my husband is not estimating how much help I may end up needing.

Overall though, its really spurned me into wanting to be a lot better than I have been. Making the appointment to do intense therapy starting this week. Trying to spend my money wiser. Getting back into cooking and being more domestic. Prenatal appointments about to happen, etc.

Its all really exciting if nerve racking. I mean, I know that mentally ill doesn't mean bad parent necessarily, and I'm already way ahead of my shitty parents by actually wanting my child and actively seeking treatment. But, can't help the "oh no I don't want to screw up badly" feels.

No. 50124

For all you anons worried that you need to have a kid RIGHT NOW or it'll be too late, relax. My mum got married at 20 and had me at 37. She'd been pregnant once before but it was a stillbirth and it kind of hit her hard, and with me she had to take all kinds of injections and whatever and monitor me really closely to make sure it wouldn't happen again. She's a lady who already had trouble conceiving yet she had me without any major issues at such an old (for giving birth) age. So please, don't worry. Do it when you're ready and don't let other people push you into it (unless there's a 100% valid reason you have to do it now).

A more important thing to worry about is whether your bf/husband actually wants to be a parent or not, I'm lucky to have had a father who loved kids and really wanted a daughter but I know a lot of kids whose dads were completely uninterested and wanted a gold medal every single time they gave their kid a bath or changed its nappy.

No. 50125

This makes me happy to hear anon. I'm at this point where I'm 28 and feel like my time to have children safely is slipping through my fingers. I'm married but my husband and I are focused on our careers and being young/travelling and kinda just enjoying having money. It's just difficult because my parents really really want grandkids and so do his but the commitment aspects worries me so much. Kids are such a big change and I want to wait just a little bit.

But yes. it did make me feel better., actually. There's hope for me yet.

No. 50126

You're going to be fine, anon. My mom had me at 30 and my little brother at 34. It's probably a nightmare having young children when you're over 35, but people do it all the time and I'm sure it's not all that much different. Not everyone feels "old and tired" at that age. If you really want them and are in a stable place in your life, you'll more than likely be able to handle it.

No. 50127

Studies have come out that women over 35 have a bigger risk of conceiving children who become diagnosed on the autism spectrum. iirc it has something to do with the genes becoming a little more unstable and more prone to mutations.

That and, if it's a perfect life you'll be entering retirement around the time the child is due to enter university. I agree that it's good to wait until you have security and stability in your life but it's not always about being "old and tired".

No. 50128

I'm in uni and my dad is retired, so what? You just get to spend more time with your parents and they still get pension. My dad gives me so much money now since he doesn't have to spend it all on lunches and petrol

No. 50129

>My dad gives me so much money now

sad. get a job

No. 50130

Have confidence anon. I was the same when I was pregnant. I was filled with so much love for my baby and my anxiety was through the roof about things I couldn't control.

You'll be fine as long as you have patience for your little one and try to understand them at all stages of life. It's amazing knowing the differences between their cries and being able to just know what they need even when they can't talk yet.

The first three months are rough but it's so worth it. And don't worry about spoiling your child. Everyone told me that if I'm always around my son he wouldn't learn how to be independent and always clingy. But I was with him 24/7 since he was born until he started walking on his own. He loves me but if I have to go to work or if I leave him with someone else he doesn't mind. He's independent and he trusts the people around him. :)

No. 50131

By "having young children when you're over 35," I meant having already born kids who are under 2-5 years old. I'm sure most people are well aware (or will be, if they consult a doctor) of the risks associated with getting pregnant over the age of 35. (Having a kid with down's, autism, possibly even ADD/ADHD and high risk pregnancy, etc…)

No. 50132

I have a job, but I also get to study in a posh uni thanks to my retired father :^) Have fun flipping burgers though

No. 50133

I've never wanted a kid in my life, I think I must have high testosterone or something. My little sister and I have a 12 year age difference and I was never really keen on playing with her or nuturing her, I just don't have the patience for little kids and babies. At the same time I have a fantasy of being a housewife someday but it being a housewife doesn't really make sense if you don't have kids.

No. 50134

Omagosh, like me too!! :^) we are just so special and amazing~ Money!!!!!

No. 50135

Preggo anon back and I'm honestly kind of desperate.

My insurance sucks. But they give me free prenatal appointments, so yay, right?

Except my doctor is extremely negligent, does not care, does not ever listen to me, and I recently put two and two together that the practice regularly and as a general rule practices insurance fraud.

They've been diagnosing me with utter bullshit and even going as far as to diagnose me secretly so they can bill the insurance. I cannot trust them. Its so bad that once I had pneumonia and it took them 5 consecutive visits to put a stethoscope to me even though I begged, because I could feel the fluid in my lungs.

So now I've been having some cramping with my pregnancy. Its probably nothing, but the internet said I should go to the OB/GYN and check.

My doctor's office is across town, and every time I've tried to call them and get appointments closer or switch doctors they insist to me I can't do that? Even though that is bullshit?

I feel so powerless. There's a hospital nearby, but I don't know if they take my insurance, and they have tons of doctors out of network so its a huge risk.

I don't know what to do. I just want to cry. I haven't even been able to have my first prenatal appointment because of this.

No. 50136

Switch insurance now, anon, apply for Obamacare or something (heard they have some pregnancy programmes? Could be wrong though)

Christ almighty even my country has better prenatal care and abortion isn't even legal here…

No. 50137

I can't. My husband said that his insurance through work was "grandfathered," so they are apparently allowed to deny maternity care or something like that. Basically, all the husbands wives at his work had to change insurance.

As for medicare, I have no idea if I can get on it? I don't have an income anymore but my husband makes like 40k a year, so I think that is too much to qualify me.

No. 50138

K I'm back from some reading. So I probably can't really switch insurance to Medicaid because we make too much.

However, Planned Parenthood, thankfully, takes my insurance. The problem there becomes last time they were charging me like $160 for an HIV screening even though its like, supposedly covered for just a copay? I don't know whats up with that, so I might have to just suck it up and pay out money to find a doctor that will take care of me.

No. 50139

guuuuh just figured out broccoli is a morning sickness trigger for me.

what were some weird triggers other anons had?

No. 50140

I'm 24 and engaged, my fiancee and I decided no kids, ever. I can barely handle taking care of our 2 cats, let alone a child. It's funny seeing all the girls I went to high school with who all either have or are having kids now. They all are fat white trash and are working dead end jobs, and will never be able to travel. No thanks.

No. 50141

I think you'd enjoy watching We Need to Talk About Kevin lol

No. 50142

same. I mean I plan to have kids in 2020, but I just turned 22 and did a Facebook search of some names in my middle school year book and most of them are moms and dads. either housewives, unemployed, or posting status about how happy they are to score a new job at home depot. One girl I was good friends with at the time has a toddler and baby, and still lives in the same apartment from the time I knew her.

not speaking for everybody who has kids when they're young, but these people in particular I can only imagine have given up on themselves as far big dreams go, and now can only hope that their kid will be successful and have a better life.

ironically the one kid that was mercilessly bullied is the only one in a good university, looks like he's making bread, and with a profile pic wearing a tie lol.

No. 50143

If your clocks won't let you know, it's time to have a kid in a couple of years, there's something wrong with your mental development. All childless couples in their 30 i saw were weird people.
Yes, it's usually irresponsibility to have kids at early 20's if you don't have breadwinner in the family, or a feeble attempt to keep a man who is not interested in you by guilt. My mother had me when she was 26.

No. 50144

I'm a STEM dropout because the pay and benefits for a career in academia were no better than having a minimum wage job with benefits.

Not only that, but in STEM, its not woman friendly. I probably would put off having a child, and my work would constantly be shat on and discredited the moment I had children and required a more flexible schedule.

The pay for the work is slightly above minimum wage, yes, but then you factor in being in debt for the rest of your life and you feel quite cheated at those wages.

It's complicated when you "give up your dreams." No one just does it for little no reason. It's not really an easy decision, and I think you should go a little easier on the judgment there.

No. 50145

More like peer pressure

No. 50146

Sort of, its more like, it was a dream and then the realities of a total lack of ethics, job security, and progressiveness in the field shattered it into more of an obligation.

No. 50147

Would be much more profitable to invest in your own body, rather than education. Pretty people can be paid just for being themselves.

No. 50148

eh I don't agree with getting paid for being pretty but to an extent I agree with you, something about putting off your mental and physical health for 10+ years to pursue something is unappealing.

People in STEM have a hard time taking care of themselves. It's really sad to see a lot of them neglecting their health, their families, and their spouses because of the demands of the job.

No. 50149

why do people even want to have kids early?

Enjoy your 20s and 30s
Enslave yourself at your 40s

No. 50150

Because some people don't see children as "enslavement", but as something they genuinely want and will make them happy. I can't wait to have children. It's the one thing in life I look forward to.

No. 50151

what >>136183 said and also because having children in your 40s is generally regarded as possibly but risky and not a good idea.

I mean, I don't want to be in my 60s when my kids are going to high school and college. That's insane.

No. 50152

File: 1467598570229.jpg (19.84 KB, 750x750, tmp_1587-FB_IMG_14675984419731…)

Shittily made Facebook meme is shittily made, but this is essentially how I feel. Better to go ahead and have kids (if you want them) when you're young. If you don't want them, then whatever, this doesn't apply to you I guess.

No. 50153

Kids after 30 mean incredibly increased rate of the tism.

Even in men the rate increases after 35 or so.

After 40 = certified braindead kid.

Don't subject the world to more abominations have kids young or don't have them at all.

No. 50154

>I mean, I don't want to be in my 60s when my kids are going to high school and college. That's insane.

Why is that insane? Are planning to fuck some of your son's friends?

No. 50155

It actually depends on how healthy the mother is.

If she's fucking obese then yeah she will get an abomination

No. 50156

File: 1467601035334.jpg (83.15 KB, 590x400, Age-Factor-Graph.jpg)

No it has to do more with age than anything. It's also healthier for a pregnant woman to be slightly chubby.

No. 50157

Ok what you posted is about conception.

I was talking about disorders and diseases. And i said obese not "chubby" or whatever

No. 50158

File: 1467603777141.jpg (65.76 KB, 753x293, Maternal Age Chart.jpg)


No. 50159

tbh the reverse of this meme makes sense too
"when I'm 20, out at night having fun like all the other people my age, you'll be at home changing diapers"

No. 50160

I hate going out and partying so that doesn't really bother me at all. Plus, the younger you are the more energy you'll have to deal with a newborn.


My aunt accidentally got pregnant in her late 40s and the child was born with Down syndrome, undeveloped genitalia and loads of other health complications like a weak heart. He's spent his first few years constantly getting surgeries. Not only is it awful for him, but it's so stressful for the whole family. This may not be the case for everyone, but having children definitely comes with more risk the older you get. I imagine pregnancy would be even more difficult the older you are too.

No. 50161

Even with advancing healthcare, there's a pretty good chance at that rate the kids have to deal with the death of parents far before other people might, and that can be very isolating. I would rather not put my kids through that, personally.


chances of conceiving even with fertility assistance after 40 is generally regarded as pretty low, notwithstanding birth defect risk.

No. 50162

>1 in 100
it's not so bad

No. 50163

i agree that its good to have kids young, but most 20 year olds aren't financially secure or in stable relationships.

it seems like you have to choose between having a kid young, with low risks of defects but at a great burden to yourself if you aren't married and/or employed (like how >>136175 described)

or you have them older, where you have money/are married, but a higher chance of having a disabled child.

No. 50164

that's just for one disorder out of many

No. 50165

You'll just have to fucking risk it.
I'm planning to have em in 40s.

At least i'll have the money to take care of them

No. 50166

Good luck with your drooling downy, anon.

No. 50167

what do you guys think of difference in ages for kids? I would have killed for a sibling that was close in age to me, and was jealous as fuck of classmates who did. In fact I still feel jealous of people who have siblings close in age. My mom had a second child when I was already 9 years old, and that didn't really help at all because the difference is too huge. Especially since I'm an adult now and he's still a little kid. I know most people once they have a baby say things like they're not planning on another one for some time. But personally I plan to have kids at the most 3 years apart, but am considering as little as 1 year apart. Like give birth, and then as soon as I have a period again, get pregnant again. It'll be more difficult obviously, but personally I think it's worth it for both of them.

No. 50168

My mom had my younger siblings a year apart, and she said it was easy on her, because they were able to play with themselves and on similar schedules.

No. 50169

Hope your kids don't get shot in your trailer park.

No. 50170

There was a big age gap between me an my brother too. It felt like I might as well just have had my own kid since I was responsible for him all the time.

It's only hard when they're young I think. Everyone else I know who have kids close in age seem to be better put together.

No. 50171

why would it take you decades to get financially stable tho?

No. 50172

Same. There's a 6years difference between my brother and I. Because of that we never really played together or hung out. It's more like having another adult person in the house rather than an older brother.

No. 50173

Margin of error, and I want to enjoy having money and travel a bit. Don't want to rush things and end up in a world of debt because I need to get a husband, a house and a kid NOW.

No. 50174

One thing that I find really funny is when I tell people with kids that I want to remain childless, and this offends them for some reason? So let me get this straight- you think that someone who doesn't want children should have them? I swear to god, I know so many young moms around my age (24) who have actually ripped into me before because I said something like "I'm never having kids." It's probably just repressed jealousy that I have my whole life ahead of me and they are stuck with kids.

No. 50175

I used to be like that too. I would always say I don't want kids, or if I HAD to get any then I would adopt. Then I met a guy who made my uterus scream to get my own children. I still don't have any and I'm not even seeing that guy anymore.

No. 50176

I have half-siblings up to (or over?) 15 years older than me and they're more like older cousins I only see on holidays. My full-brother is 4 years older so we're not close because it wasn't cool for him to hang out with me when we were younger, plus we have vastly different interests because we weren't really playing with each other either I guess.

I know people with siblings 4 years or more apart and they're close, so I think it's a matter of how tightly knit the family is over anything else.

No. 50177

I think 4-5 years apart have a much better chance at being very close if they're the same gender. That's a roll of the dice though

No. 50178

like you said, jealousy

No more partying
No more hooking up
No more choosing another education
No more choosing another career you want

Only kids and work, that's fucking it.
And when they see someone, a 25 year old young person with no kids they have to fucking vent.

No. 50179

chill anon. not everyone who has kids regrets them. I don't think it's jealousy, I think to some people it might come across as "I don't like kids", depending on how you say it, I can see how someone with a toddler would get offended if they interpret it that way. It could sometimes be jealousy, but only if the person had kids when they were too young to realize what they were getting themselves into, or if they only had a baby for stupid reasons like they were lonely, or to keep a guy, or because babies are cute.. But at around 24 you shouldn't be that dense.

No. 50180

You guys got a list of favorite baby names?

No. 50181

I feel you a bit anon. I tell people I'm only going to have one kid and they flip at me the same way. I get called selfish and told that children need siblings. It's so annoying and I wish they'd shut the fuck up. Sorry I don't like hoarding children! I just want to make sure I can give all that I can to the one that I planned.

No. 50182

No. 50183

Thinking between Chardonnay and Jacinta myself

No. 50184

Tbh as an only child I've always wanted a sibling, it gets pretty lonely sometimes. But if you don't want two kids you don't want two kids, it's dumb to force yourself into it.

No. 50185

i wouldn't really want to be a parent or be pregnant. it feels so alien to me. the only reason i would have a child is for a son. a son that would become my mini-killua. my very own killua.

No. 50186

Not everyone enjoys partying and hooking up, anon. Also University is much more child-friendly than work, mine even has a daycare. So no big deal for young parents to pursue another education while having a small child instead working a shitty minimum wage job.

I'd want to have a child in my late twenties. My mom had me when she was 25 and my youngest sibling when she was 38 (sibling is alright, no downs or autism). My mother told me what a huge difference it made, and I was old enough to see how much she struggled with my youngest sibling. I think at the end of your twenties you still have enough energy to care for the child, and enough energy to do whatever you wanna do once the spawn is old enough to be left alone or move out for college or whatever.

One of my problems is… I think toddlers are cute, but I hate playing with them. They're just old enough that they need actual entertainment, yet too young to play for themselves most of the time. And most of the stuff for toddlers either sucks or bores me, unless it's reading a book to them. On top of that toddlers are still pretty stupid so even if you don't have to play with them you need to be on guard constantly to make sure they don't run into traffic or do other dumb shit.
I think the time between 3-8 would be the worst, afterwards I guess they'd need less playtime attention and also are less dumb.

No. 50187

I know a woman who had an abortion in her 20's because she thought she was too young. In her 30's her husband got cancer and they stored some of his sperm for her to get pregnant with (although a small quantity i think) since he was going to die, but they all failed until she ran out. In her 40's she already wanted a kid badly so she resorted to trying to get pregnant with brief relationships and sperm banks, but by now her fertility had gone south so she never succeeded. This went on for years and she wasted a lot of money on fertility treatments, until eventually she got menopause despite desperately trying to delay it with soy milk and shit. Now for a couple of years she's been trying to adopt, and it's a whole nother pain in the ass while being 50.

No. 50188

Damn I feel so bad for her. I can just imagine the amount of regret she has aborting, even though the decision was perfectly reasonable. If she does get approved to adopt I hope she's going to get a child and not a baby. Trying to take care of a baby when you're that much older is no cake walk. A cousin of mine had to take custody of her daughter's kid because she was a drug addict and she's in her 50's and running around after a toddler. The poor woman looks so haggard all the time now.

No. 50189

A lot of why I want to only have one kid is because hubby and I both have siblings and we didn't enjoy it very much. Lol. I was the first born and an only child for a long time and I liked that time better. Albeit it's not really having siblings that made our lives feel worse with them around, just shit parents and I don't want to become that.

No. 50190

Actually ages 6-8 are all right. They're really, really fun because they start getting very imaginative and make games + scenarios out of anything.

If you bring them up right and nurture their creative side you'll have a lot of really good times participating in their imagination games.

They also really like certain arts and crafts which can be so much fun for any age.

I used to think the younger kids were easier but like you said they really are that much harder because they need constant stimulation. Unlike a 6-8 year old they can't make their own.

No. 50191

I'm in my early 20s and I definitely want children and to be a mom, but my life is not at all together right now. I'm hoping I'll find someone and be married not too many years from now, and we can start trying for a child pretty much right after.


If you are comfortable with terminating a pregnancy if there is a problem with the fetus, there is testing that can detect a lot of problems before the child is born. My mom was older when she had kids, so she has these tests done when she was pregnant with me. https://archive.is/EHTdz There isn't a test for everything, but it is still useful.


Contact the insurance company. The last thing they want is to be defrauded.

No. 50192

Honestly my biggest turn off is just the thought that I won't have time for myself. Or not very much at least. 99% sure I will have to work at least part time, because usually one salary is not enough here to sustain an acceptable life. And I'd never want to give up having my own money I can spend at my own shit. Looking around and hearing from most other women, I am sure that most of the household stuff will be left to me as well; sure, there might be ways to train your man into helping but as said, looking around friends and family in 90% the women is doing most of the chores. (And my SO would probably work full time too.) And then I'll have to entertain and care for the child?

I know the ~le intorivert~-meme is kinda overdone on the internet, but I am an introvert and I'm kinda selfish. I want time for myself, where I am alone, can do what I want, and can go do my hobbies without being disturbed. And I want quite a bit of that. Sure I love my SO and my family, but I also love the time alone. Right now I can't even imagine moving in with my SO without having my own space/room completely for myself, and I can even less imagine not having my own time on top of that.

Plus the thought that everytime I want to go out, I need to find a sitter, spend money on the sitter, have to consider the child and its needs… No way you can just enjoy an evening out or grab a coffee with your friends in peace, you'll have to plan everything in advance and rely on a sitter or grandparents to watch the child.
Sure I'd love the child, but how much would I love being a mother when I have to sacrifice what I like and need? Probably not a lot.

Maybe there are some lolcow moms who can share their experience. But right now while I do want kids one day I am super afraid of becoming one of the regretting motherhood-people. Not because I don't want children, but maybe because my personality and circumstances don't match well with having children.

No. 50193

How likely is it to get pregnant from precum? I had sex with a guy im seeing like 8 times (yes really lol) in one day but he pulled out each time. Yall think im pregnant or nah?

No. 50194

Anon… Precum has sperm in it. It takes exactly ONE sperm for you to get pregnant. Sperm is sperm, it's as likely as if he hadn't pulled out.

No. 50195

Well that sucks

No. 50196

Actually its really inconclusive if precum has sperm in it. Some studies say yes, some studies say no, others say it depends on the guy. A lot of people rely on the pull out method enough for Planned Parenthood to consider it a genuine birth control method (https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/birth-control/withdrawal-pull-out-method)

If you're unsure, take a pregnancy test and use condoms from now on. It isn't a guarantee that you could or could not be pregnant. It is more likely that a dudes precum could have sperm in it if hes already ejaculated.

No. 50197

File: 1470624935292.jpeg (202.78 KB, 1200x900, image.jpeg)


No. 50198

sounds like you shouldn't have kids at all tbh. you didn't even give any reasons why you would want one around.

No. 50199

What about when your husband/boyfriend wants kids but you don't or aren't sure about it?
Anyone have to deal with this?

My current relationship is perfect in almost every way, and we've been together for quite a few years although we're still quite young.
The only difference is I've never liked kids I find them annoying as young ones when they constantly need your attention to tell them good job on their hideous macaroni crafts, and even more annoying as teens when you can't just spank them silent when they're being cunts. (Not that I can't be happy for those who wanted kids and had them, great for them-just don't force me to sit there and coo at your baby or feign interest in them that isn't actually there)
I used to be totally against having kids too but I'm not sure if my minds changed a bit with growing further into my adulthood or if I've been convinced into having to accept that I'll have to have at least one child for my SO to keep him happy, but that's exactly what it feels like that no matter if I like it or not to maintain this relationship and prevent putting it through the strain of such a lasting big disagreement for a couple I will have to give in in the future and have a child.
I keep getting told by family and friends that when it's your own child you will not hate it as you do other people's kids when having to deal with them but honestly it freaks me out to think that what if that's wrong.
Others tell me that fear of being in a position of hating your own child and being a terrible mother is what shows that I'm willing to take care of my own when the time comes but really I'm just totally unsure about anything to do with babies yet so i just thank god I have a few years as excuse as to why we shouldn't be trying for kids just yet to experience our youth first.

So many conflicting feels when it comes to this topic.
Any other anons relate with this?

No. 50200

If you're so unsure, and your wording is "I wanna have a child to keep my SO happy", maybe you have to rethink your life and your relationship. Anon here >>136231 is quoting something different, but the question remains - you didn't give a single reason here on why you would even want a child, aside from pressure from other people.

> prevent putting it through the strain of such a lasting big disagreement for a couple I will have to give in in the future and have a child.

Honestly that wording makes my skin crawl. "Give in" to your SO and have a child??
A child will stick to you until the end of your life. For the first two decades it will live under your roof, share your space, demand your attention. It will influence your life, health, decisions, every step that you make. If you are not happy about the child, what do you think will do that to your relationship? Do you think you can maintain a happy, healthy relationship with that kind of attitude towards something as big as a child? And how will your child feel, born only to save a relationship? Usually these arrangements don't work out too well.

Of course I can only judge you from this little post but honestly, you don't sound like you should have a child now, and maybe never. And it might cost your your relationship, which sucks and I am sorry for that. But if you really do not want a child, having one might end up costing you your relationship, and a lot of that on top as well.

No. 50201

You will break up with your SO if you have a child without really wanting to. Then you'll probably be a single mother with a kid you resent for ruining your life just by being born. I don't think I need to tell you how much being unwanted by your parent fucks someone up.

It does not save relationships, having a child is the single most difficult and traumatic experience a couple can go through. Most parents are much less happy after children than they are before.

No. 50202

>I find them annoying as young ones when they constantly need your attention to tell them good job on their hideous macaroni crafts

>even more annoying as teens when you can't just spank them silent when they're being cunts.

do not have children

No. 50203

Don't fucking do it. From this post, you sound like you'll be a shit mom, tbh. If you have a child now, you will almost surely be neglectful/negative and mess it up mentally. Do you really want to that around with you for the rest of your life?

No. 50204

I want kids but I don't want to birth them because I don't trust myself to go through a pregnancy without ruining my body. I'd have to go off my meds

Fortunately neither me nor my fiance have any emotional need to have a biological kid, so adoption it is.

This wouldn't be for many years till our life is stable enough for a family (here's hoping).

I have very little grasp on how the adoption process works (or will work… if its changed in a decade from now) but the whole thought if choosing one child over another one makes me nervous.

No. 50205

So, I'm pregnant finally with my first (only 3 weeks so far) and while I'm really excited, I'm also a little scared that I'm going to mess up the baby.

I'm not sure if there's a list of things I need to start doing to prepare but my mother told me to take folic acid and vitamin d / c so I've been doing that. I'm very active physically, I run / gym five times a week and swim and while another woman told me it's okay to do it as long as I FEEL good, I am worried that I am very intense about it. I'm also a little…intense about my diet, too. (former anachan)

Ahhhh it's a little overwhelming. I'm happy but man. It's hard to believe I have some sort of person cells making a nest in my uterus.

No. 50206

Congrats! Now you need to join cafe moms to get your mom card.

No. 50207

My mom used to go to forest for berries ehen she was pregnant, she could collect as much as 20kg, and the whole trip could last for a day. So, it's fine when you're doing your exercises as long as you feel good.

No. 50208

Just take a prenatal multivitamin. That's the only thing I can think of that I did "special." And definitely don't go to nameberry. As bad as cafemom is, I can guarantee the selfrighteousness is much worse on nameberry.

No. 50209

What are either of these sites? Mommy forums?

But thank you for the advice, yeah, I'm doing multivitamins and I have my first midwife appointment this week to set up birthing classes. It all seems really quick but they advise me that the classes fill up REALLY quickly.

No. 50210


I'm a new waifu (been together like 10 years now though), and will at some point in the next 4 years make baby. I'd like to know what these mom sites/gossip/faux-pas/shit mommy trends are now.

No. 50211

I'm unable to have a child of my own due to three reasons:
my lesbianism (I'm aware artificial insemination is an option but what I mean is that me and my future wife would be unable to have a child that is biologically both of ours until science advances)
My severe tokophobia
And my endometriosis (not confirmed that i'm infertile but my paternal grandmother had it and due to it she had 8 miscarriages and 2 stillbirths)
However I am not completely opposed to raising a child. Right now, at age 19 I don't believe I'm responsible enough to take care of another human because I can barely manage my own life.
But if I mature, have a steady job, and my partner is okay with it, I wouldn't mind adopting a child. Even though I won't bear a child of my own, a maternal urge still remains. Same sex adoption is a lot easier now than it was at the beginning of this century.
My mom is horribly opposed to this though and gives me shit about it whenever I bring it up. She's slightly homophobic (nothing major, but like these weird passive aggressive comments here and there) and idk if that has anything with her being opposed to me adopting a child.
She says stuff like "adopted kids could have issues you don't even know about"
I mean I guess that's true but so could your own biological children

No. 50212

File: 1477456496256.jpg (319.43 KB, 800x600, Akira_baby.jpg)

I would love to have a sweet baby with my wonderful boyfriend, but we currently have shit jobs and opposite hours. He's a night time dish washer and I am a 9-6 dental assistant. I hardly see him as it is and having a baby right now would mean that we would have even less alone time together. I'm not ready for that sacrifice yet. We also don't make a lot of money so there is that too. It is very sad that I can't have a sweet family with him based on long hours and shit pay.

No. 50213

At least you're taking into consideration your financial situation. I think that's very responsible of you. You're already on the right track towards being a mother imo. When you have a more stable home life it's better for the child.

No. 50214

Thanks for thinking highly of me!
I'm not sure when either of us will be making more money than we are currently though. We will probably have to get some kind of side hustle going.
I can't help thinking that the clock is ticking for me though, I'm only 22 but life is going so fast.

No. 50215

File: 1477854120730.jpg (180.33 KB, 1920x1200, 404804-animal-lovers-mother-gr…)

I don't want to give birth, but I think I want to adopt children someday. If I'm financially able to, I'd like to have a big family

No. 50216

I'm in the opposite situation actually, and I'm gonna hijack your post (sorry). Recently celebrated my 3 year anniversary with my boyfriend. He's honestly the perfect fit for me, I'm extremely lucky to have met him. But I want children, like, I really want children. But whenever I talk about it, he just completely shuts me down. I understand we're not very financially stable at the moment, and we haven't been together too long (3 years together is too soon to have kids with someone IMO) but to completely shut me down and say he never wants children hurts. Our relationship is so great, I can really see us sticking together forever, so it bothers me that this one thing we just can't agree on, because it's a big deal to me. I wouldn't leave him over this, but it hurts. I want to be a mother one day and have children of my own to raise and love and I want him to be the father of those children and…he doesn't want that and I can't have that. I just have to hope maybe he changes his mind. Anybody else deal with this?

No. 50217

Do you think you're going to change your mind about wanting children in the next few years? If the answer is "no", then don't expect him to change his.

No. 50218

I probably wont change my mind, no, but then again it's kinda hard to think objectively whether your opinion on something will change in the future. But I do know that I've always had dreams of starting my own family, maybe in the coming years I'll just be happy with what I've got and my yearning for children will die down? I don't know. Like I said, I wouldn't leave him because of this, but it feels bad.

No. 50219

If he doesn't want kids, he doesn't want kids. It's nothing personal, and you can't just force your life aspirations onto your partner.

No. 50220

I think people in a relationship should have the same goals for the future. It makes sense, right? Have you explained how important this is to you?

No. 50221

Yeah, I know. I don't really bring it up anymore with him. If he doesn't want kids, he doesn't want kids


I agree that people should be in relationships with other people who share what they want, but it's literally just this one thing we don't share a same opinion of. I haven't really talked to him about it toooo seriously as I figure there's nothing I can do to change his mind.

No. 50222

I'm sorry, anon, but it sounds like you'll have to choose between staying with him (remaining childless) or leaving him (possibly finding someone you can have children with.) You should confront this sooner rather than later because he likely won't be changing his mind.

No. 50223

I've already chose to stay with him, I was just wandering if anyone else was in a similar circumstance and how to cope. I can really see myself staying with him for the rest of my life(although that remains to be seen) so I've accepted the idea that I'll never have kids, just that idea sucks.

No. 50224

Don't deny yourself that happiness.

No. 50225

You'll end up regretting that pretty hard later on.

No. 50226

But I'm happy with my partner right now, I'd just be extra happy with children of my own. I don't think I could ever be with another man if my bf left me, it'd at least take a very long time. I don't really like imagining having children with some other man.


Maybe. When do people normally get the feels for children? I've been wanting children pretty strongly for the last 2 years, and I'm only 23. Is that normal?

No. 50227

It's different for everyone. My mum got me when she was 37, so.

No. 50228

I'm 23, but had my son last year. Never had the urge to have children before that, tbh. Now, I'm thinking about another if we could afford it.

No. 50229

Agree with this anon.

My mother has an old friend who married young to an older man (successful surgeon type obviously) and part of his wishes were to not have any more kids since he already had some previously. She's like 60 now and her husband died ten years ago, but she's told my mother several times she regrets agreeing to not have children despite wanting them cuz she's way too old to even entertain the possibility. She's a really nice lady and she's always been really sweet to me as a kid but yeah, really sucks for her.

No. 50230

Is there any chance you feel pressured (society, your family, whatever) because you have your shit got together, you gotta have kids?

No. 50231

Or she could genuinely just want kids, y'know. Not everything is just because 'society says so'.

No. 50232

How can you have kids before late 20s and before having a steady income? Are there so many trash women in this place? No wonder the site has such low quality discussions with retarded soccer moms talking about vain and low iq stuff. lol

No. 50233

Fuck off robot

No. 50234

Lolwhat? How is that in any way a robot response?

No. 50235

You are so fucking dumb to think a poor as shit girl with no support from her boyfriend should have a kid just because ~*gotta follow your dreams*~ and it's unlikely she's feeling pressured by exterior reasons even though the situation screams "Don't have a kid".

No. 50236

Uh, I wasn't aware of her circumstance being 'poor as shit' but all I'm saying is that, some girls want kids. That's their decision not because 'someone told them this is what they want'. But okay.

Calm down, anon. You seem like you might break a gasket there with all the rage.

No. 50237

This is the real robot itt.

No. 50238

Maybe you could read the replies and see the context before you started spilling shit from your fingers.

No. 50239

me and my younger brother are 4 years apart and we're very good friends. My other brother is 13 years older than me and we have a good relationship and like the same things but we don't have that connection. My sister is 18 years older than me so she's more like an aunt. She moved out just before i was born so never really talked much to her.

No. 50240

? but theyre right

No. 50241

There's no pressure. I think we're in an age where wanting children at a somewhat young age (I do consider 23 to be relatively young) is actually looked down upon. My want for children isn't affected by other's expectations. And I actually don't have my shit together. I'm jobless, my boyfriend and I aren't financially secure, we're constantly moving around and we spent 2 months homeless last year, just to name some issues. The idea of having children is actually something that motivates me to be a better person and get my life on track.

No. 50242

My two siblings are 14 months and 5 years younger than me. I've never been close to any of them, we've only grown further apart with age.

No. 50243

Even when I was a little girl, I never found the idea of family appealing. Pregnancy has always grossed me out, and I fear it and am disgusted by it so fiercely that I think it'd be safe for me to classify it as a phobia. I'm sexually active, and I've been on steady birth control since I was 16 years old.
I don't like kids, I never have. They annoy me. I hate having to dumb myself down to talk to them, I hate having to play along with their dumb little games and scenarios. I hate pretending like I care about what they think, and I hate how all my friends that have become moms are all about their kids (i know they should be, but it still annoys me. some people aren't THAT into it and understand that not everyone wants to hear about their kids 24/7 and all the dumb irrelevant things they did in their life)
I had a friend go through 2000 pictures on his phone to show me his little girls doing various mundane things.
My on and off again boyfriend has major baby fever, always has. He knocked up a girl 6 years ago and they had both wanted it, but it was a bad relationship and the girl is a trashy psycho. Needless to say the relationship didn't work out.
He's also a narcissist, very selfish, cruel, and pessimistic. I've told him many times how he's not fit to be a father and he shouldn't have even had a kid in the first place, and that hell no i'm not having his children, EVER. even if I did want to have a kid I would never have his.
I've never gotten the maternal urge. I'm very protective and motherly to my friends and pets, but that's the extent of it. I don't desire children and I don't want to adopt either. Being pregnant and having to give birth and raise a kid would be my worst nightmare.
I'm comfortable with this.

No. 50244

Ah, yes. You sound like me when I was 13 also.

No. 50245

you sound like the girls under 18 that have popped out three kids with irresponsible men and complain about their lack of time and not shit baby daddy's not paying child support on time. stay salty

No. 50246

Single mother detected

No. 50247

File: 1477975493343.png (36.44 KB, 801x425, nameberry.png)

old comment but holy fuck this place is a shithole

No. 50248

All those favorite names, lmao
My second cousin's name is Xochitl. And no they ain't Mexican.

No. 50249

Those legit sound like alien names

No. 50250

File: 1477997385864.jpg (323.49 KB, 1600x1125, 015.JPG)

pic related

No. 50251

speaking of names. I downloaded SSA's complete list of all baby names given in every year (past the top 1000). they list every single name that was given to at least 5 babies. In 2010 8 girls were actually named Cinderella, Comfort, Memorie, Success, Cinnamon, Galaxy, Ibukunoluwa, Icelyn …

No. 50252


Did they get fheir info from all black households? Lmfao

No. 50253

File: 1478018727748.jpg (138.99 KB, 485x355, 478334342.jpg)

Any lesbians in here who have had kids? It's probably unlikely since we make up ~1% of the population and then only 1/5 same sex couples raise children. I didn't think I wanted kids unless I started watching this one lesbian couple on YT who is having a child through a sperm donor and it warmed my heart

No. 50254

How is that even pronounced? Zockil?

No. 50255

According to Google, so-cheet.
But I could've sworn 'X' was pronounced 'sh' a long, long, long time ago in Mexico.

No. 50256

Didn't we get the word chocolate from xocolatl or something?

No. 50257

I want the same thing, but considering the economy in my country and the small percentage of available lesbians, I think my chances are unfortunately slim.

No. 50258

Every time I see this picture I get the horrible urge to track this woman down and punch her in the face.

No. 50259

My husband and I are in agreement to have another kid and seeing as our son just turned two now would be a good time to get to making one but we are holding off. Our daycare bill would be pushing $500 a week with two kids. That's more than twice our mortgage a month. :/

No. 50260

I'm on the same boat as you anon. My daughter recently turned one and I keep thinking about trying for another one in about a year. But imagining that daycare bill is seriously scaring me and I don't think I should even try anytime soon. Daycare is fucking expensive.

No. 50261


we pronounce it as Sóchi-tl (think the city of Sochi, Russia and "tl" as in "turTLE")

X may be pronounced as KS,SC, SQ,J, Sh or S. Yeah, confusing shit haha


yep, xocoatl

No. 50262

I have no idea how to introduce the topic to my partner other than 'I want to have your baby' but obviously I don't wanna be so blunt about it.
Planned parents, how did you bring up the idea?

No. 50263

File: 1478487785484.png (182.79 KB, 500x281, tumblr_mvrcu6Ak1d1spc2yao1_500…)

>last year got a new job at a group home
>get ass kicked daily by an autist twice my size
>gets so bad that i'm covered in bruises and shaky when i walk
>quit job due to fear
>still have horrible nightmares about attacks a year later
I used to think i'd want a kid someday but after that experience, i'm to scared of all the things that could go wrong.
on top of that, i'm mentally ill and probably couldn't function without my meds which i would have to stop taking if i didn't want my baby to be seriously fucked up

No. 50264

holy shit I have the same problem.
I'm 29 now, still no plans for marriage, and have a career, but I still want a child someday.
Except, then I remember what age I am and remember the videos of 40-somethings being taken care of by their 60-something parents.

then I feel sick.

No. 50265

You guys know you can put them in care of the state?

No. 50266

or you know, just get an abortion
a lot of the defects are now detectable fairly early in the pregnancy

No. 50267

That's not much of an option. If I have it, I want it to be a good one.

fairly more realistic option, but hindered by laws in my state which make second trimester abortion illegal
also I don't know if autism or tardrage is detectable yet, I don't know anything about it.

No. 50268

Well yeah, i'm aware. The whole point is i don't think i could live with myself knowing that i produced some raging tard capable of seriously injuring other people. At the home, i'd always wonder what was the final straw for the parents.

No. 50269

I wouldn't worry, anon. My husband's mother tried for years and didn't get pregnant until 40. My husband is healthy and really smart. I think as long as you take precautions, listen to your midwife, have a little lucky, older pregnancy isn't as risky as it used to be.

No. 50270

there are some pretty nahuatl names though, I've known a few really cool girls named citlalli. I also really like girls named storm, but I think it's probably because most women who name their daughters storm are cool and kind of nerdy and raise their kids to take no shit.

anyway I'm pretty sure I never want kids, neither does my boyfriend. but we're both also white kids in college, so we're probably never gonna procreate. I have this one friend whose family consists of her and her brother who're biologically related and like 3 adopted kids, which seems like a pretty nice setup if your parents aren't religious nutjobs.

No. 50271

I'm currently pregnant. Any advice/ideas for cute winter/spring maternity wear, or some non-fugly maternity bras? I'm only 7 weeks but I've gone from a 38B to a 36D already. :(

No. 50272

only maternity place I know of that has cute shit is this one http://www.apeainthepod.com/

I heard about it like 5 years from someone's pregnancy vlog.

No. 50273

Does anyone else not want to raise children of their own but still have the urge to be pregnant/give birth?

I know I don't want kids and would be a shitty parent anyway, still I get super broody and love playing with babies, I even love the idea of having your SO's baby. I'd totally do the surrogate thing if I were healthier.

No. 50274

Thank you xo

No. 50275

Mental defects aren't always lifelong, some can be cured.
I used to have a lot of aspergic social traits and get angry/upset easily, but now I'm the most even-tempered person that many know.

No. 50276

Then you don't have Aspergers? Being socially retarded and having Aspergers are two totally different things. My brother in law is an aspie and you can clearly tell something is wrong with him and has been for 30 years now. He's also very even-tempered but there are many other things that give it away. Yeah some people are very high functioning but not all. Most aren't and can't really improve past a certain level.

No. 50277

Ho shit anon. I am 13 weeks and my boobs haven't gone up that big!| Poor you! That must be really jarring.


Thanks for the suggestion though! I'm not quite big enough to start sporting maternity wear but it's nice to know there are some actual fashoinable places out there for bump stuff.

Also, question, I am 13 weeks and not huge bump wise. Is this cause for concern you think? I look at pics of other women at 13 and they seem a lot bigger than me.

No. 50278

>I am 13 weeks and not huge bump wise. Is this cause for concern you think?

I didn't even find out I was pregnant until 14 weeks. I have a usually wonky period, so that's why I never suspected. Never started really showing until around 18 weeks. It all depends on your body, I guess.

No. 50279

So..you didn't have any kind of 'mental defect' other than being generally kinda stupid. Fuck off advising others about raising children with developmental disorders when you know nothing whatsoever.

No. 50280

On the topic of daycare, has anyone managed to be stay-at-home or mostly stay-at-home without living in abject poverty? How is your situation? Any tips or things you've learned?
All else being equal, I'd rather stay home with my children when/if I have kids, instead of working to pay for daycare. But I'm not counting on that being the case.

No. 50281

>has anyone managed to be stay-at-home or mostly stay-at-home without living in abject poverty?
this depends 110% on how much money whoever is supporting you has.

No. 50282

This >>136314
Being totally dependant on someone else financially sucks. Even if it is your husband. It makes me feel like a piece of shit, even though raising children is exhausting when they're too young for school.

No. 50283

I could quit my job and stay home with my kid because my husband makes enough to support us on one income but a) I am not stay at home mom material and b) I like having fuck around money (after daycare takes most of it at least).

No. 50284

i have the opposite problem. i want to have kids someday but the thought of being pregnant and giving birth is fucking horrifying. makes me nauseous tbh.

No. 50285

I could tell you that it won't be nearly as bad as you think, but that isn't true for everyone. Every woman's pregnancy is different. You could have none of the bad symptoms of pregnancy (except your inflating midsection, of course, which gets extremely uncomfortable the last week or two) or you could develop extreme stretchmarks, pregnancy mask, have gestational diabetes, and be nauseous the entire 9 months, THEN have PPD for 2 years. You might ask your mom how her prenancy was, as there's some genetic components to it.

No. 50286

my mom's first and last birth (4 kids) was really painful and took many hours she said. but it's not the pain that scares me most, it's having a little thing inside you, feeding on your nutrients and then ripping you open to get out. i know that's a mean description of a baby and it's irrational to fear what we're made to do but ugh. can't help it.

No. 50287

Sorry, had to revise my post a little. >>136318

Yeah, irrational fears are irrational for a reason, but I don't think that's one. Even if you opt for an epidural, the pain afterwards is very real. They'll give you norcos or something orally in the hospital, but it's still hard to just walk to the bathroom.

No. 50288

>that scares me most, it's having a little thing inside you, feeding on your nutrients and then ripping you open to get out
you sound like a ridiculously dramatic person, anon. this is something a 12 year old boy might say

No. 50289

I dunno, recovery for me wasn't that bad and I had a stage 3 tear. The hardest part was not being able to walk. Shuffling everywhere was a pain in the ass and trying to get back onto the hospital bed was a chore. They didn't give me narcotics for pain, just ibuprofen but I'm pretty sure that's because I said I was going to breastfeed.

No. 50290

You want a child but don't want to experience pregnancy?
Have you heard of this crazy thing called adoption?

No. 50291

I was breastfeeding and even told them I'm allergic to codeine, but they still gave me 7mg Norco.

No. 50292

*7.5 mg

No. 50293

As someone who works in healthcare what the fuck. I hope you called them out on their bullshit

No. 50294

I just assumed it was normal, tbh. I got an itchy rash that slowly spread over my whole body because of the hydrocodone, but other than that, I didn't hurt so much at least. I think the doctor did a mediolateral episiotomy on me without my knowledge and that's why they had me on the Norco. He said "I'll just cut you a little so you won't tear badly." And me, being in full labor, not-giving-a-fuck mode said "sure."

No. 50295

There's quite a big age gap between my little sister and I. I've never been super nuturing like most big sisters are, I just find her kind of annoying, I feel really bad about it. I think I'd be a shitty mom because I'm a shitty sister, can't connect with kids at all.

No. 50296

How old are you both? I was in the same boat, there's lifetime between me and my little shit of a sister, but my biological clock has been softening me up to kids and things got easier as she became more of a human and less of a feral animal. Maybe you haven't reached that point yet or you're one of those lucky people who never gets maternal feels, but neither makes you a bad person. As long as you're dependable for the boring stuff that needs done you can build a relationship with her as she matures. Try sharing things you like with her so that you have some common ground.

No. 50297

i was being dramatic for EMPHASIS REEEEE. but that is technically what happens. Makes me queasy. Told you it was irrational.

No. 50298

owo whats this
just kidding i have heard of adoption and i am pretty sure i will adopt if i want kids. but it seems most men are against taking care of a kid not biologically theirs and i don't want to raise a kid alone.

No. 50299

What do you do in birthing classes?

No. 50300

Is that pic real?

No. 50301

File: 1483074218483.jpg (76.52 KB, 640x456, 064-2.jpg)

Oh dear god it is

No. 50302

Went from Lakynn to Laekynn? Laikynn?

Also I fucking hate that kind of handwriting.

No. 50303

File: 1483117011101.jpg (379.54 KB, 1600x1079, IMG_2372.jpg)

I guess so.

No. 50304

File: 1483387688400.jpg (93.99 KB, 843x873, 13613317_1236625289683453_7957…)

It gets worse.

No. 50305

I can imagine the retarded potato jokes that kid will get.

No. 50306

the black board is like the cherry on top.

No. 50307

>piercing a baby's ears
Why do Americans do this shit

No. 50308

File: 1483389525549.jpg (59.21 KB, 275x264, uPSkHIV.jpg)

No. 50309

because retards think a baby is like a doll or a dog. just another fashion accessory.

No. 50310

File: 1483390110591.jpg (73.11 KB, 640x446, IMG_1525-1.jpg)

Her other son is named Tittan, but I don't think there is a blackboard picture of her name selection process.

Maybe there's a conception that babies don't REALLY feel pain like older children do? If parents feel comfortable circumcising baby boys, they might have less reservations about piercing baby girls' ears.
Though, where I live, the pierced ears seem to be more popular with Hispanic and African-American families. Hispanic families tend to mostly only pierce girls ears, but I see a lot of African-American baby boys with pierced ears. So it's probably a cultural thing. (Please nobody derail this with race-baiting.)

No. 50311

I know a couple who is pregnant with their first child, and due in a few months. What is a good baby gift to give?

No. 50312

Diapers, unless they're using cloth ones. I appreciated those the most at my baby shower. Check with the mother to see if she has a brand preference. We tried all brands with ours and Pampers were the one we settled on. My kid seemed happier in them.

A gift card is always nice. Maybe some essentials like diaper cream, baby lotion etc, unless, of course the mother and father are picky with that kind of stuff.

No. 50314

lol, and in my post-soviet shithole perineum incision for everyone is standard procedure in hospitals that's thought to be backwards af by "aware motherhood" groups or w/e.

No. 50315

Diapers are good. But try not to get newborn sized because sometimes they pop fresh out the vag wearing the next size up.

Gift cards are so much more appreciated at baby showers because the parents are usually hoping for something off of their registry, but since people just usually want to buy cute baby clothes the important/useful stuff gets left out and with a gift card they can just get what they need or save some money on a really big purchase like a carseat.

Cash also works in the above situation, but try to make it thoughtful by at least writing a card and explaining why you are giving cash/a gift card.

No. 50316

I'll echo diapers, but add that you should get a few sizes larger. Size 2 or 3. I recieved only size 1 at my baby shower and my son used maybe half of them because he grew so quickly.

No. 50317

I actually knew a girl named Tatum. I think a boy could wear it better.

No. 50318

Diapers in sizes from newborn to 6 months.
Baby thermometer, nail clippers, swaddling blankets, extra bottles and nipples, burping cloths, baby socks in sizes from newborn to 1 year, cream for mums nipples if she's breastfeeding, baby sling, gift card for mum to get a pair of pants or a shirt that fits her postpartum body, the offer of a night off when baby is old enough for a sitter.

No. 50319

I wasn't sure whether to post here or in the vent thread but I figured its probably more welcome here.

My daughter will be 3 in two months and she refuses to use the potty. She's articulate and smart and creative and very advanced for her age in most ways and always has been. She's independent and doesn't mind playing by herself sometimes as she only has brothers and isn't always interested in doing "boy" things with them. She's a sweet as can be and has a super mean streak but I don't mind it because in the end she won't be afraid to stand up for herself if need be (and she got it from me so I can't be mad.)

I have tried the big potty with and without a ring, a little potty, she even recently got her OWN pink princess potty because I figured that might entice her to go. We read potty books, we've tried pull ups and panties and going naked. Ive tried rewarding using the potty with candy or small toys. The most she will do for me is pee in the potty and usually only if there's a reward involved at that. Sometimes she still doesn't feel like using the potty and will just piss or shit herself if she's not into it thay particular day even if there is a reward.

The other day I told her, no accidents, and if you use the potty instead all day you can have candy after dinner. She did just that. Got her candy after dinner and then shit in the tub as soon as it was bath time and she'd already gotten her candy. So clearly she held it. She's able to control it for a reward if she feels like it.

I took a break for my own sanity and I've just been reminding her when I change a poop diaper this shouldn't be happening you should go in the potty. And now I've noticed that she holds her poop all day and is now shitting in her sleep…probably to avoid that conversation and changing times.

What the fuck lolcow? WHAT THE FUCK. I'm about to lose my shit. Why won't she just use the fucking potty.

No. 50320

Try putting the plastic potty somewhere else. Sometimes transitioning to doing it on the bathroom floor is intimidating. Try either the tub or the hallway outside of the bathroom.

No. 50321

I'm sorry, but this had me hysterical for a few minutes. Kids can be so goddamn stubborn. I want to give you a medal for your patience and effort, but wow. If I were you, I don't think I would be able to help but make the kid known that I'M the alpha and that it's not a request.

No. 50322

She's definitely figured out how to be manipulative for the reward. Maybe she just isn't comfortable sitting down on a toilet to poop? Idk what could help, but maybe it's the feeling of sitting like you do in a chair and that's confusing?

No. 50323

Have you let her sit in her own piss/shit for a while?ive heard it works for making the child to start using a potty

No. 50324

I've thought of this but never actually done it. I'll give it a try and see if it makes any difference.

Yeah we are both hot heads. I try to be as chill about it as possible so I don't just make a stressful situation worse but most of the time i want to go in the other room and scream. If i didn't know better sometimes I'd say she has accidents to try and piss me off lol.

Oh yeah. She knows what she's doing. Sometimes she's in the mood for a reward and sometimes she's not, but you're right, I've noticed that even when it comes to pottying for a reward it's never poop. She only ever pees in there. And a lot of the time i can tell that she just made herself pee on the chance that she'll get something out of it because it will just be like, a tablespoon of pee. Lol

Honestly I'm ashamed to say yes I have and she could give two fucks less. One time I just let her stay in a shitty diaper so long she got a bad rash and i felt neglectful. I told her you have this rash now because you didn't use the potty. She didn't give a fuck. She's the most stubborn human I've ever encountered.

She had a checkup on friday and the pediatrician said she'll just do it when she's emotionally ready. It's super frustrating and hard to not just give up.

No. 50325

I know how you feel, but the pediatrician is right. You just have to keep at it, but maybe slack off a little for sanity's sake. Try to get her to use the potty only once a day.

No. 50326

File: 1484731069993.png (534.57 KB, 1080x655, Screenshot_20170118-031034~2.p…)

Anon is this you

No. 54173

Maybe it's like reading. Kids just aren't ready until they are ready?

No. 54204

I've been married for six years and for one reason or another we've waited with having kids. First it was because my husband wanted more time with just the two of us, then it was because my job sucked, then it was because my husband wanted to change jobs before having children so he could spend time with them, and now it's because I don't have a permanent position at my current job and would not have job security after taking maternity leave. We set a deadline (aka a date when I will stop using the pill), and it's only two more months, but this shit has me in tears almost every day, especially because my friends have been birthing more kids than ever last year. I just want that so fucking badly.
Just needed to write this down.

No. 54205

It'll be okay. You'll get to your deadline and once you start trying and finally conceive, you'll feel a good grace period where you can breath and work some stuff out.

I am currently 22 weeks and I was hoping to secure a new job before I got pregnant but that didn't work out so I'm kinda just dealing with it as it comes. You'll make things work, anon! I hope you and your husband have a good support system like your families/friends because they will come in handy a lot. My husband's family has given us so much free baby stuff and we're moving back to where his parents live because they've offered to help with the baby.

But it sounds like if your friends are having babies and such, you'll have a lot of good resources and people to talk to. Nobody has their shit together 100 percent when they have kids, anon. I'm starting to realise that.

Also unrelated, but question for pregnant ladies or former ones, is crotch/vaginal pain normal in second trimester? I've been getting semi sharp pains in my right side for a few days and they're really annoying.

No. 54207

>is crotch/vaginal pain normal in second trimester? I've been getting semi sharp pains in my right side for a few days and they're really annoying.

Yeah, it's just the baby pressing down on pelvic nerves. I had it and I assume everyone does.

No. 54208

There's never a "right" time to have kids, as you've figured out. Your friends are probably not in ideal situations either, but you just have to do it or you never will. Things will come together somehow.

No. 54457

Thanks anon. I thought so but my husband was insisting I call the midwife. I just didn't want to bother her with needless stuff if this is just normal.

No. 54458

Np, it sucks, but round ligament pain is worse.

No. 54476

Is it normal to have a visceral feeling of wanting a baby? I'm not married, and I've only been with my boyfriend for a year, but I've never wanted kids so badly (outside of a day or two when I'm ovulating) until now. Is it a hormonal imbalance? Does the feeling go away? I'm still a ways off from children, so why do I have this feeling of wanting them so badly?

No. 54478

Because that's how our species survived. If we didn't feel that yearning for a child from time to time humans might've died out a long time ago.
It might go away, it might grow stronger, try to stay calm and think about why right now is not a good time.

No. 54501

Are you on birth control? I had baby fever pretty badly on mine.

No. 54503

This feeling is my daily life for the past six months. Idk how to tell my fiancée though. I think this sort of thing is a case of nature being boss. It's totally normal but I think it will only go away with a baby or menopause.

No. 54506

I know it's not a good time, so I'll have to wait. I'd hate to have a more difficult than necessary experience with children, because I was rushing.

No. 54516

Well this is an interesting thread to be bumped i'll give my 2 cents.

I would describe myself as antenatal for several reasons

-childbirth is painful and physically/emotionally taxing on women.
-childbirth is dangerous to womens health.
-fear of overpopulation and drain of human life on resources.
-ignorance towards adoption and the view of adoption as a "last resort" for having a child.
-the conflation of having my own offspring as a reflection of vanity.
-additional expense of new person as a tax on resources.
-fear of genetic abnormalities and hereditary disorders being inherited by offspring.
This is a biggy for me, severe autism is a heritable trait passed on by my mother to me and my siblings as carriers we have a 50/50 chance of one of our offspring inheriting it, not the cliche autism shit people make fun of on the internet real shit, banging on the wall and throwing shit autism. With this comes seizures and phenotypic traits I could never wish on a any fucking human being. Although I'd love my offspring to inherit traits I deem good I can't take the possibility of such horrible shit that would ruin another humans life. There are countless hereditary disorders and disabilities I can't discount because of the severity they cause on sufferers and the people around them.
-I'd be a shit parent lul. I hate kids.
-Lack of sufficient funds to keep their quality of life high.

The pressure to conceive offspring is a widely felt societal pressure on women, it exists for good reason as a biological imperative. Getting away from our animal nature is always greeted with hostility though social change takes decades to be introduced and accepted even now abstaining from child bearing is STILL a controversial thing among women, this shit needs to change imo.

I obviously have no disdain for women who choose to have children it's a great thing to be a part of socially though I can't help thinking about the future implications it will have on the gene pool and overpopulation of humanity. I'd never force abortions nor births on any women I would have no right to. I'm only 19 but have considered adoption later in life after University of course. I have a high regard of life as being sacred but am pro-choice for the sake of woman's sexual freedom, I feel it should be necessary to prove that one has sufficient income,time,mental stability and intelligence to raise a child rather than the last minute, redneck lazy current system in most of the western world religious kooks tend to have a fuck tonne of kids 8+. I also like the idea of limiting the number of children parents can have like the 1 child policy in China to put off overpopulation for a while,perhaps limit it to 2 or 3 children per couple? Something mildly conservative but still allowing for a decent number of children. Adoption should be a first priority for every child-seeking couple to prevent the suffering of orphans it's sickening to see vain couples more obsessed with designer babies than dying fucking parent-less children, the couples that try every fertility treatment under the sun to prevent having DNA that isn't their own. There's no other excuse for it other than vanity.

If the social attitude towards adoption being seen as a "last resort" and "other" "weird" option for having a child were to change perhaps the general quality of life of children would increase in the western world? Idk, it could backfire for all I know.

No. 54532

I am a mother, but I agree with you. Maybe because I got pregnant by surprise. Luckily, my boyfriend and I have stepped up and we're a pretty happy family all things considered, but I know not everyone can just suddenly do that. As far as adoption goes, when we talked about children, that was preferred. We wanted to adopt and never have bio children. I guess nature and failing bc had a different idea. Anyway, my virtue signalling, Women's March attending feminist "sister in law" is on her 4th pregnancy. I would think adoption would get her more brownie points with the SJW crowd, but I guess not? She harps about wanting minorities' populations to overtake white people (she's white, her husband is white, her children are white,) but she's contributing to the white population by having more than 2 children. Ironic.

No. 54537

That word doesn't mean what you think it means

No. 54538

Well, she did say that she was autismo, sooo.

No. 54542

If you want parentless children to decrease, we need better access to birth control and abortion, and better options for parents to have their children stay with them.
TBH I'd be a lot more anxious about an adopted child to have various psychological and health-related problems, than it'd ever be the case with my biological child.

No. 54545

No I did not I said It's possible that I inherited the genes that could mean my offspring inherit autism, I myself am not autistic and antenatal has many meanings depending on the circumstance and cultural beliefs associated.

No. 54547

Well fuck me sorry for the double post but I spelled that shit wrong no wonder ya'l were fucked up maybe I am secretly an autist I meant "Antinatal" not "Antenatel"
kek the meanings couldn't be more different.

No. 54573

Nah fam, you still seem pretty autistic to me

My biological clock has been ticking so hard lately. I'm 25 and wasn't planning kids until my mid 30s (inb4 downs etc) but the place I work with is filled with women my age or younger with children. Recently I get embarrassed if they ask if I don't want any etc.

No. 54633

Don't worry about it. You'll have kids when you have them. My mom had my brother when she was 30 and he's totally normal. Anecdotal evidence, I know, but not everyone in the world have children at 22.

No. 54814

I'm torn between the idea. I like kids, and have been working with children a good majority of my life so I know what to expect, good and bad. I also want to pass down my genes. I feel like I came out pretty well and it'd be awesome if that bit of me can go on in the future.


>I hate pregnancy

>I hate childbirth
>I don't have the money nor the time
>I feel my boyfriend of 8 yrs would give my kid terrible genes. He's almost alcoholic, socially retarded (not the shy type, but a cocky person who doesn't consider others in what he does and doesn't care. Very loud and obnoxious around people) and would undermine me around the kid like he has when I babysit for his sisters or co-workers.
>I still want to travel

Part of me wants to have a surrogate mother, and another part wants me wants to just donate my eggs. I really don't know what to do with myself and running out of time to decide.

No. 54826

Have you considered adoption? It seems like you have some strong biological reason not to have a baby. But if you adopted you could get one that's maybe a toddler and raise it as your own.

No. 54852

I don't want to hurt your feelings but your boyfriend sounds pretty terrible. I used to be friends with a guy who was the cocky, passive-aggressive, undermining type. It would be so frustrating trying to get relatively minor things done with his involvement, I couldn't imagine raising a kid with someone like that.

No. 54856

I've thought about it, and I might end up doing that in the end but I still have this desire to pass on my own genes too. I don't mean to sound "holier than thou" but I'm really proud of my line, especially my mom who is a badass but chill retired war vet and cop. She was the black sheep of her sisters, and I'm the "different" one from my cousins. I want that to continue and see what kind of person comes next, you know? I'm her only kid.
No hurt feelings, he is kinda terrible. When around close friends or just us two he's fine. When we first got together he was cool. But when he is around new people or a crowd he has this desire to be the center of attention and people love it which eggs him on more. We've talked about this though, and he's trying to do better. I've noticed he holds his tongue more often, and when he comes home he's happy to announce "The cops came/we got kicked out but it wasn't my fault this time, did I do good?"

Gosh darn it, he's doing his best.

No. 54859

Surrogacy with a sperm donor seems like it would suit you but that's a shit load of money too. I also wonder if you're thinking of staying with your bf long term or not. He doesn't exactly sound like he'd make a good father, regardless if it's his genes or not. Then if you do end up going surrogacy/donor route I'm sure he wouldn't be very Ok with that.

No. 54881

Yea, money is something I have to put off until I'm stable enough for any of the options I want. As for bf issue, well we've been together for 8 or so years already and I've thought about ending it several times, but with the improvements he's making, I don't want to just abandoned him like that.
>Scold him for actions and encourage to do better
>He starts to
>leave him
Feels like too much of a bitch move and I still have feelings for the guy. As for his opinion on the surrogacy/adoption/donor etc. He's cool with it. He wants to be a dad and doesn't mind alternatives, but as you said, he just may not be a good one. That saddens me.

No. 54907

this thread made me slightly sad

No. 54947

I think the first mistake here is scolding him. Nagging is the number one worse way to get someone to change imo. Because nagging implies that he's like a child. He isn't. He's an intelligent adult dude that you picked as your partner. Either you kinda just realise he's not the one for you and you're incompatible or you learn to find humour/love that he enjoys being the centre of attention sometimes. The drinking thing can be an issue, however and I would try to approach that with an adult conversation about excess.

If, like you said, he's trying and doing his best to get better, acknowledge that as much as possible. I know it sounds dumb but you stress the good things they do, place little focus on the bad ones. Because the bad issues tend to stand out more in their minds and it's all they'll focus on but when you bring attention on the good, they'll enjoy the feeling of knowing you appreciate their efforts.

Or go about the other way, stress the things you LIKE that he does, compliment when he's being quiet and thoughtful when you're in a small group. Reinforce that those are the times you like him the most. It's like inspiring him, right? If he's like most men, he honestly wants to please you and when it clicks that you like him a certain way, he'll strive to be more like that.

I've been with the same guy for 10 years, married for almost 7 now and my husband used to have a bad case of the lazy when it came to mess and I eventually realised getting angry about it wasn't helping. So I figured out how to get him to pitch in when I was cleaning was to simply ask in a pleasant tone that while I was doing the dishes/vaccuming/etc, could he help collect the trash/clean the counters/etc for me. 'For me' is the operative words to stress here because it makes him seem important (because he is) and that I'm trusting him to do this for me. And if we're both cleaning/doing chores together, we're being a team and keeping each other company, right? And I always, always remember to thank him. Always. Whatever it is. And he does the same whenever I do anything for him. You can start to easily take for granted things in long term relationships and that can breed a certain sort of unconscious resentment.

I'm not, like, any sort of relationship expert and this is purely going on my own experience of marriage and watching my parents, but yeah. I hope some of this makes sense. You need to trust him a little more that he can be an adult and step up the plate. Also, consider why you were attracted to him in the first place and why you stay with him (and he stays with you) You don't whittle away 8 years with someone just for no reason.

Also, it comes across a little…idk, callous to think that your genes are so more perfect than his that he'd be the weak link in any potential children or that he'd just automatically be a bad father. If that's truly how you feel towards him deep down, I feel kinda sorry for him that the person who is supposed to love him thinks that he isn't 'on par' with them. If that's truly how you feel, then, yeah. IDK man. I would end it for his sake.

No. 54949

Whoa jesus didn't realise I written an essay, sorry anon! I just, yeah. I feel you and want to help. LTR are not easy.

No. 55190

Not the anon you were responding to, but thank you for this post.

No. 55247

File: 1487376394974.jpg (44.95 KB, 650x433, IMG_6695CBBM2-650x433.jpg)

This is probably going to be a pretty unpopular opinion but am I the only one who thinks that moms who formula feed NOT out of necessity are incredibly selfish? The benefits of breastfeeding are indisputable, and if you're not willing to do what's best for your child, you shouldn't have one. Period end.

Breastfeeding my daughter was absolute hell at first and it's still a struggle months later. She wouldn't latch due to a tongue tie so I had to feed her pumped milk for 3 weeks. It was such a nightmare. We've had every issue under the sun from insufficient weight gain to extreme nipple pain, and we persevered until we got the hang of it because THAT'S WHAT MOMS SHOULD DO.

There are so many moms who have to formula feed because of medications or other problems and it breaks their heart. I just don't understand how anyone could choose to not breastfeed.

No. 55250


I feel sad because my mother didn't breast feed me or my brother. I feel like I'm somehow weaker or something will go wrong with me despite everything being normal thus far. The only thing I think really fucked me because of it was allergies.

No. 55255

My mother didn't breastfeed me (she was very ill and had severe depression after I was born) and whilst we are very close, I feel like it plays a part in me being weak (physically and maybe a bit mentally as well) now

No. 55258

there are apparently a lot of health benefits to breast feeding. iirc it has something to do with developing your immune system. they say c-sectioned babies have the same immune issues too. (i'm not knocking people who can't breastfeed/give birth due to medical concerns, just saying that there are health concerns)

i was neither breastfed (mom didn't want to) nor given birth to (mom couldn't give birth due to my size) and i ended up kinda sickly lol. tons of health issues. i have a naturally weak body and the lack of nutrients in infancy prob didn't help.

No. 55273

I agree; making your child significantly weaker is really not ok.

No. 55283

I didn't breastfeed my kid but I pumped so he was still getting breastmilk.

I don't think it's a huge deal if women don't breastfeed. I'm not going to criticize anyone for not doing it. Mothers should support each other, not be judgemental about shit like this. You have enough going with a newborn and crazy hormones, the last thing you need is someone turning their nose up at you for not doing something they perceive is right.

No. 55284

I was a breastfed C-section baby and I'm fine.
Definitely frail-looking, but healthy as a horse and could probably beat all of y'alls dad in a bar fight.
IA, some women can't breastfeed for a variety of reasons, including but not limited to mastectomy and old age. It's hard enough for some mums to conceive (like mine), I'm sure they would've loved to if they could.

No. 55350

the point isn't about breastfeeding in general. seems more a point of somehow providing breastmilk to your baby barring outside circumstances that would make someone unable to breastfeed in the first place.

No. 55639

File: 1487875316265.jpg (182.19 KB, 775x767, 1480273769235.jpg)

My gf recently found she has cervical cancer. She asked me if I wanted kids and I did not have an answer. Right now I don't but I think in future I might want some. At this point its too late for her to be the one to carry a kid. She sounds like she really does not want a surrogate mother but if I had a kid Id like it to be my own. Im not gonna leave her, but Im worried she wont want me to ever have a kid. I just dont know how to feel about it.

No. 55640

I'm sorry for you gf, that really sucks. Would IVF be an option for her? Or do you think she just doesn't want children period?

No. 55645

Well they can save her eggs and your supermarket and implant it in a surrogate. I mean, if she wants kids and her cancer makes her unable to have one she will not have much of a choice.

I'm really sorry both of you are going through that. I hope for the best for you guys.

No. 55646

LOL *sperm not supermarket, wtf autocorrect

No. 55647

She has made it clear she does not want kids, but I think Im one guy on planet she would be willing to raise kids with, she has hinted at that. Its too late to save her eggs, they believe her ovaries have cancer as well and her family has a history of it.

No. 55663

Does she want kids?

No. 55667

Dude, at this point this shouldn't be about hinting at something. You need to talk to her. If she doesn't want kids, you'll need to make a decision for yourself. If she wants them if it's with you, you need to make a plan.

No. 55708

Old as hell post but may I ask why?

No. 55951

She was open an honest with you. You should be open and honest with her. Talk to her about this. Don't tiptoe.

No. 56037

OK genuine question, why do people want kids? What's so good about it?

I literally can only think of one reason to have kids and that's to somewhat have the insurance you won't be lonely when you're old. And to have someone take care of you.
There's a nice lady in the retirement home where my grandparents are, but she never gets any visits because she never had kids and her husband passed away. Must be very lonely. I don't want to end up like that but the idea of raising kids…. I can only view it enslavement

No. 56039

Its a normal human instinct to want kids anon. People do not (usually) want kids to get something out of them, they want kids because their biological urges tell them to.

No. 56075

Agree with other anon, it's mostly biological urges. Also, some people are naturally maternal. They love to have someone to take care of.

No. 56125

Biological urges, mostly. I like kids and can't imagine what I'd want to do married without children.

No. 56127

At what age will people usually get the baby rabies? I feel like I need to plan ahead to avoid it.

No. 56130

For me all it took was meeting someone I instantly felt like I wanted to settle down with. It was a sudden switch, not something that gradually happened. Didn't want kids up until I was 23, pregnant at 24.

No. 56132

I got them as soon as I got married.

No. 56140

Mine was a little late. 27. I've been married since I was 22 though. I had a semi emotional meltdown after my grandmother's funeral and realised my own mortality and stuff. It made me realise that if I wanted to experience having children, then I needed to do it now before the risks got higher.

No. 56141

27 here and in the European equivalent of a marriage (6+ years of relationship) and still nothing. The idea of giving birth makes me nauseous and I think I would rather kill myself than having to care for a baby on top of the crazy shit going through my head.
I wonder if the urge is ever going to kick in.

No. 56149

>European equivalent of a marriage (6+ years of relationship)
As opposed to an actual marriage? FYI common law is an Anglo thing, not European.

No. 56150

Ah well, it's about the fact that fewer people get married here (or after way longer amount of time than in the us).
I guess we would marry if they're was an interesting tax break for it or to avoid custody shanahagans if by miracle we popped a parasite.
France do have common law marriage stuff, tho. I seem to remember. If you give of the appeance of being married, creditors can go after both you accounts.
How romantic.

No. 56166

Some states in the US recognize common law, but not many.

No. 56523

im not married yet, im in a 3 yr relationship planning marriage and ive been foaming at the mouth for a baby for maybe a year and a half? and its constantly getting worse. im in my early twenties.

No. 56525

I am 27 years old and I am absolutely sure I dont ever want to have children. My sister has two kids and they are soo spoiled and so rude and all around disgusting and I don't want to deal with that I am far too selfish to deal with children.

No. 56538

File: 1489633968935.jpg (191.2 KB, 1500x688, maxresdefault.jpg)

So many guys posting ITT have so skewed view on so many things.

One example can be this so called overpopulation.
Firstly, as you can see on the pic, the only crammed up places are mostly Asia, the most urbanized parts of Europe, few dots in the middle east and some parts of Africa, but we'll talk about Africa in a second. America, South America, northern Asia and lot of Africa are almost barren.

If you look deeper, you'll see that it's only southern Asia that really has overpopulation problem. Europe looks populated due cities and the way how our current economic system works. Most of Europe has denisity below 200 people/km^2, which gives us 5000m^2 of land per person. Now go check averange size of propety on which family house is built. I just checked ads in my country and most are 100-2000m^2. My family has property of 400m^2 and it's quite comfy. Note I'm saying family which is few people. When I looked at size and population of my whole country, I ended up with around 8000m^2 per person.

And why do cities are so populated? Why low populated places aren't getting any of the population increase? Because our current rampant consumptionism steming from broken capitalism puts money above the people and no one will start business where there is not enough people, or those people are too poor to pay for the product as much as owner would want. And small family busines for low populations that could work in such conditions is choked by regulations and efficiency of huge corportations, wealthy enough to improve enough to pass retarded regulations, or to just create sweatshops in populated Asia, where abundance of people means low wages, and ship everything home. And people from so called shitholes move to cities for work. It's a vicious cycle.
But today left is pathetic and would rather cry for welfare funded by taxes from rampant consumptionism insetad of fixing broken system and advocating for better urban planning. I guess iphones and che gueavara shirts are enough to buy people.

Africa on the other hand is only overpopulated for its current civilization level. During colonial times South Africa alone could feed whole continent. When colonists fucked off, it all crumbled, but the fact is that we have technology and knowledge to put most of barren lands on the planet into use. Just look at the Israel doing so fine job desalinating water, while many other ME nationas, even with access to the coasts have problem with it.
And it looks like they won't ger on european/american civilization level for quite some time. The worst thing about this is that retarded left once again bleeds from heart and would rather send money and food to these people to feel better about themselves insetad of building schools and TEACHING them how to do stuff. If you want to really help them, don't fucking dig well for them, but teach them how to do it themselves. Current actions are only making them more and more dependant and are foundation of one of the biggest humanitarian crisises in the history somewhere in the future if retarded policies leading to crisis in EU/US are going to continue and at some point we won't be able to afford sending the goods to africa to maintain its "overpopulation" built on this aid.

So yeah, it's not the europeans and americans (which I assume most posters here are) need to drop their populations, but asians and africans. Population of EU and NA is around 20% of world population, while Asia is around 2/3 of the world.

Usually you'd expect left to consider such humanee problems, but todays left is full of pathetic retards who only destroy everything they touch. Even communists which fucked up a lot had at least some right ideas when it came to working hours and some urban planning. Today the most vocal left are useless SJWs and I'm bitter and mad as fuck about it.

Secondly, in a perfect world 2 kids would be 100% replacement rate, but because some people die, some never find a mate or never have kids, some are infertile etc, you actually need around 3 kids just to keep population on stable level.

There are also other things like how retirement pension system works, worst outcomes being crisis turning country into brazil tier place etc, but the point is I'm sad at how many people have so narrow horizon and complete lack of knowledge on the subject, but keeps repeating empty buzzwords.

There are also other, more personal reasons why this thread makes me sad, but I'll keep them to myself because it's borderline forcing others to live the way I find good because of my feelings, not pragmatism like example of retirement pension system.

No. 56542

Thank you for that map. I now see that overpopulation only happens in places human like to inhabit. Phew, TIL.
Anyway, what you're saying clearly is pulled out of your ass. In Western Europe, we make up for the slight decrease of pregnancies with immigration.
Tell us about those sad reasons, please. I guess I reeeally want to hear about how having a kid is supposed to make my life meaningful.

No. 56546

> husband and i decided not to have kids after we find out i have a genetic condition that causes a lot of pain and dysfunction for me (50% chance of it being passed down)
> after a mourning period of 'what if' i'm totally at peace with it
> last week we found out which mutation caused it,
> so if we wanted to we could still have a healthy baby
> but if i were to carry it my body would be in a much worse state for the rest of my life and i wouldn't be able to take care of it by myself
> suddenly going through all the emotions i had when before i was at peace with never having children

i consider it unethical for us to have a child (for my husband and the child and the earth), but i am still sad

oh well. it is nice not having to spend money on children :')

No. 56548

File: 1489656373670.jpg (110.55 KB, 1080x1229, 1445086647033.jpg)

Yes, people love living in the deserts of middle east, asia and africa. They love mountains in tibet. They love maintaining coastline in Netherlands so their lands below sea level wouldn't get flooded. Everyone wants to live in the earthquake or tornado risk areas.
That's not how it works.

Also enjoy immigration at the rate allowing them to not integrate, create ghettos and rape kids at swimming pools.

And yeah, everything that doesn't match your view surely is pulled out of ass. You can't be wrong after all, can you?

No. 56550

You have never considered adoption or a surrogate willing to carry?

And what do you mean by worse state the rest of your life? Just curious, not accusing!

No. 56552

Well, yeah, racists opinions are always great, what was I thinking, I should be perpetuating the aryan race. How selfish am I not to!
Also Netherlands really is a great comparison to deserts. It's top notch argumenting, right there.
Good god, I should have a kid right now, could be as smart as you and solve this massive crisis we're having due to surpopulation!

No. 56555

we've considered it, especially adoption, but i'm currently disabled by my symptoms so i would have a tough time actually taking care of the child. so my husband would have to work full time and do most of the child care, which is unfair to him and the child

i have a connective tissue disorder that leads to my joints being unstable and prone to partial or total dislocations plus a bunch of other milder side effects. during pregnancy this gets ever worse due to hormones, and from what i've read of women who have the syndrome and have had children, their symptoms are often worsened permanently b/c of it. i hope that makes things clearer

No. 56588

Yay for Ehler's-Danlos! Almost got booted from the military for getting diagnosed but mine is on the minimal side. Not sure what type you are but I had a kid and while my hips and back will probably never be the same again physical therapy does help a lot

No. 56603

I'm sorry you're going through that, anon.
If you don't mind my asking, what condition is it?

No. 56677

like the above anon said, it's ehlers-danlos sydrome! thank you for your kind words

No. 56852

File: 1490187006309.jpg (163.06 KB, 573x781, momdream.jpg)

It happened again ;_;

No. 57158

Are you me?

No. 58163

File: 1492218964267.png (1.05 MB, 893x607, jenny.PNG)

I really want to have my first but no luck after attempting thus far; does anyone have tips with TTC?

No. 58168

How long have you been trying? If it's more than 6 months, see a doctor, and have your partner do the same.

No. 58179

Oh we've only tried thrice so far and I have pretty irregular periods since they developed lol

No. 58181

File: 1492282729810.jpg (14.73 KB, 360x360, TTC-astroglide-sperm-friendly-…)

Thrice as in 3 menstrual cycles?
If you're both healthy and in your 20s, you have a good chance of conceiving within a year of stopping birth control if you're having sex regularly. It can help to use a lubricant meant for couples TTC. Some lubricants, even saliva, can harm sperm. If you're having irregular periods, it might be worth seeing a doctor, just in case something is off.
Best of luck!

No. 58185

how much do you ladies genuinely think a baby costs? how much would you prefer to save before and during pregnancy, and how much does taking care of a child cost you monthly? genuinely very curious.

No. 58198

Over 18 years, something like $200k in the US. Before and during pregnancy, I'd want at least 6 months of income in savings, more if I also am working, because I'd want time off. I's want to have enough to compensate for at least 18 months off.

No. 58207

Probably around $10,00 for baby-related purchases, plus any costs related to delivery, and the cost of daycare and missed work.

No. 58209


I thankfully live in a country where delivery is basically free, or just a standard hospital visit. I read before that delivery alone in US puts some women into debt.

No. 58227

Unless you have medicaid or really good insurance, having a baby at the hospital is probably around $10k in the US. Maybe more in some places? At least, that's what it would have been for me when I had mine, anyway.

No. 58236

that is insane. Here in ireland it is free for a standard package in a public hospital regardless of whether or not you have insurance. Otherwise you can pay for a different and private package, which usually come from 2,000-5,000.

No. 58302

I desperately want to HAVE a baby, but I don't want to have a BABY. Like– ever since I was little, I've found the idea that I was born with the ability to make other people so very awesome. We had shitty awful sex ed at school, so I did all my studying on my own, and in my heart, I feel like I would be awesome at growing and birthing babies.


I don't want kids.

Obviously, 'you dont know shit til youve done it' and all that jazz. Maybe I'd actually be terrible. All the theory and knowledge in the world won't help if you just have a bad reaction but fuck. I want to SO BAD. I've even talked with two separate couples to surrogate for them, but both pulled out because the husbands weren't sure they actually wanted the baby.

I just want to be pregnant ONCE in my life. But because I'm actually responsible (unlike my sister who got knocked up when she was 19), I may never actually get to live this dream. And surrogacy agencies won't take me on because I've never gone through it / don't live with the child I've (not) birthed.


No. 58304

You can always arrange private surrogacy. I've heard of a few gay couples that would get a friend to be their surrogate instead of going through an agency, maybe you can try something like that?

No. 58305


The two couples I talked to were both privately arranged, found one another via friend of friend type situations. I don't suppose you know how to get one's name out there, to the gay community? And generally surrogacy is such a TOUCHY subject for so many people. Walking up to people and saying "Hi, I want to be pregnant, not for monetary gain, I just want to be pregnant" tends to earn you some real fuckin' weird looks. I've been considering building a web page, I'm so desperate.

No. 58332

I think I want another child, but I'm afraid to do it again because my first and only pregnancy was such a breeze. The next might have me sick the whole 9 months and wishing I didn't go through with it.

No. 58351

I want the exact opposite but my partner and I can't conceive. Have you considered surrogacy?

No. 58357

Assuming your health has not declined since your last pregnancy, it sounds like you are likely to have another relatively easy pregnancy. Mention this to your doctor, though.

No. 58386

I have 100% considered surrogacy. All the surrogacy 'agencies' require that you have had a successful pregnancy in the past, and still be living with the child. Which. I get. The agencies usually require that the surrogate be paid a stipened for the use of their body to grow and birth the child. And implanting a fertalized egg isn't exactly cheep, so they want to stack the deck in their favor. I do get it.

But like. I don't need to be paid. I would surrogate for free. All the couple would have to pay for would be the invetro, and any medical checkups or visits. Which– they'd be paying for anyway.

But yeah. I am 100% down for surrogacy. I just need to find a couple who doesn't back out. But. They're hard to find. All my gay friends don't want kids, and all my straight friends are conceiving naturally. It's a personal issue for many straight couples, understandably, but… god. Just. I could help some family out there, if we could just find one another.

No. 58401

I'm due in less than 6 weeks with my first and I am scared witless of the delivery. I haven't discussed pain plans with my midwife yet either and I'm fairly sure this baby is going to come early. I haven't had any classes either…I just feel overwhelmed at the prospect he's coming.

No. 58402


Birth is very rarely painless, but the pain doesn't have to be as bad as you're imagining. Much in the same way that a woman's first sexual encounter is "supposed" to hurt, the pain of labor is oversold for the drama of television and media, as well as the religious aspects of 'this is a woman's punishment, if you hadn't sinned, you wouldn't be in this position.' No one comes out and says it, but the undercurrents are sure as fuck there.

Try to relax as much as you can during labor though– don't feel bad if you CANT. It's an exciting, and stressful time!

If you're comfortable doing so in advance… you might want to try stretching your vaginal opening. You'd be surprised how big it can get without ripping or tearing, and training your mind and body to realize that large things can pass through without pain could help during labor.

Chat with your midwife. Make a labor plan. It sounds like you know all the steps, you're just holding off, because acknowledging them means acknowledging the baby's almost here. Do whatever it is you need to do get in gear on that! You'll thank yourself later.

No. 58406

Thank you. I needed to hear that. I've been dragging my feet a lot because of some…cynical horrible thought that something will happen and I'll be left with nothing but baby clothes and items and heartbreak. I have no idea why I feel like this, either! My whole pregnancy has been really easy going and by all accounts the baby is healthy. I guess I'm trying not to get too attached on the off chance something does happen. I even put off deciding on a final name.

But I should put my bag together and call midwife to make things get sorted. And maybe start doing those exercises!

No. 58418

>If you're comfortable doing so in advance… you might want to try stretching your vaginal opening.

this might be a weird question, but…. how do you do that?

No. 58419

tbh you sound just a tiny bit mental. like… just dont tell people then? just pretend, that its for the money?

No. 58438


omg, I would never word vomit all this on a real couple, in real life. I agree, I would sound utterly insane, and couples dealing with infertility and wanting to start a family and all that shit don't need my issues on top of all that.

I try to stress my desire to help for altruistic reasons. But. I would not feel right charging them money. That's cash that would better be served going towards their new kid.

No. 58477


So– again, not to be weird, but getting into sexy times is the best way to do this, usually. It'll help you relax, lubricate, and associate with good feelings. If you have a partner, they can help you by increasing the number of fingers they use to stimulate you, internally.

Go slow. If anything hurts, stop. The idea is to teach yourself you can do this without pain, so hurting yourself is the OPPOSITE of your goal.

But uh– yeah. Get a toy (maybe an inflatable one?), or a partner, and slowly start expanding your, uh, horizons.

No. 58502

File: 1492619981482.jpg (13.37 KB, 300x250, superthumb.jpg)

my mom is in her fifties and my older brother (her eldest kid) died in his twenties. he had a serious girlfriend and was thinking about starting a family but he died before he could have kids.

i'm 23 now with a serious boyfriend, and my mom is completely obsessed with me having kids. she brings it up nearly every time we see each other, she always says "when you have kids" and sends me links to inspirational birth stories etc. multiple times i've caught her staring at my boyfriend with moony eyes and i know she's thinking about what a great dad he'd be. tbh this is all really upsetting/annoying but i also feel terrible for her because she would have had grandkids by now if my bro hadn't died.

i'm completely on the fence about having kids. i love babies and i know being a SAHM could make me really happy, but my career is important to me too, as well as partying/my social life/being free. also, my bf and i are poor af and not financially ready for kids.

some part of me wants to just get it over with and give her some kind of happiness before she dies, but the other part of me is stubborn and wants to make a point about how she's wrong to pressure me. i'm aware that parental pressure is a bad reason to have kids, but the longer i stall the meaner i feel because as i stated above, i'm on the fence and can totally picture myself as a mom.

tl;dr my mom is thirsty for grandkids and i'm a pathetic sack of shit who might give in to her demands

No. 58557

Do you live near her? Would she be able to help out if you needed it every once in a while? Having family around to take the kids for a few hours is really nice.

No. 58570


Do not, under any circumstances have kids until YOU want to. It miiiiight work out if you give into her pressure? But when it comes to kids 'might' is not a chance you want to take. You don't want to end up resenting your mother, and you REALLY don't want to end up resenting your children. That shit fucks people up.

No. 58573

She's not that old, she can fucking wait until you're 30 like a lot of people do. Maybe then you'll want children and be ready. Or maybe not, and that's okay.

No. 58577

I never wanted kids in my life but I'm currently 26, soon to be 27 and wondering if I'm not actually on the fence.

I have a wonderful boyfriend, he loves kids but I don't. But it's the first time in forever since I've been wondering if having kids wouldn't be so bad, except whenever I think of it, nothing appeals to me.
I'm just too afraid of him leaving me when he hits 30/35 and want a family to be fulfilled.

The only positive things I can think of is when they'd be over 18 and visit once in a while and be fun to be around. I have very harsh expectations on myself and I'm afraid I'd push them on my hypothetical kids especially if they're kinda slow. I look at cows like Luna and Lotte and I shudder.

Plus I just can't see myself pregnant and delivering or even breastfeeding and having cracked nipples. The only scenario I could see myself handling is having someone getting pregnant for me and having my boyfriend take care of the kid so I could see him/her a few hours a day. Basically the worst parent ever :/

My family is cool with it but bf's family is very religious and starting to wonder when we'll pop out ours since his sister just got a baby (good thing we don't live close to them because they treat the baby as a literal miracle when all I see is a boring potato)

No. 58592


yes, but her overbearing attitude makes me reluctant to involve her in my hypothetical kid's life too much. she's always criticizing other parents we know and saying shit like "but you won't make that mistake 'cause i'll be here to show you the right way" etc.


i already resent my mother lmao, but you're right, it's not fair to my hypothetical kid. this makes a lot of sense.

she's in medium-poor health, various chronic pains etc. i'm not saying she won't make it to 60, it's just on my mind.

No. 58594


you don't sound like you're on the fence, you sound like you decidedly don't want kids but are entertaining the idea because you don't want to lose your bf. have you ever discussed the topic seriously with him?

No. 58602

Yeah I did but he's very pleasing and easy going and I kind of choose to not dwell on that subject because I'm afraid having a hard look at it will result in a break up.

My previous serious relationship of 7 years ended up with my ex saying he thought I was going to change my mind eventually and never intended on being cool with being childless like he pretended. So I'm kinda having the feeling that he doesn't take me seriously because everyone likes to hammer down that I'll change my mind.

At this point I don't even know WHY I consider it, I just think of people saying "You'll change your mind", "Your biological clock with tick!" or "If you don't do it you're gonna regret it". I almost feel brainwashed and I don't know what is my real desire and what is ideas planted in my mind.

At the same time I don't want to break up because WHAT IF I end up craving washing poop off the walls and being an insufferable mom once I reach my thirties ? I'm really lost on this one honestly.
It seems like the most horrible painful club in the world but everybody want me in and tell me I'm gonna love losing my sleep.

No. 58606


oof that rly sucks about your 7 yr relationship. it was really inconsiderate of your ex to lead you on.

the positive thing is that if your biological clock starts to tick after years of not wanting kids, you'll know. like it will be fairly obvious lol and anyways you still have time to figure it out.

No. 58614

This might be harsh, but break up. You two will never last. He will want kids, nothing can change that. You don't. The longing and urges for kids is stronger than a relationship, and he will break up with you. He will start to resent you for not giving him the thing he will want the most. You know you don't want kids. Maybe wanting grown kids who visit once in a while isn't the same as wanting to be a mom. Because even when they are grown they will still be a huge part of your life, and you obviously don't want that. And if you get kids despite not wanting them, they will know it and it will mess them up.

Find someone who doesn't want kids. There are plenty of them out there.

No. 58618

I used to believe the people who said I'd change my mind. But honestly, even at best I'm ambivalent about the whole thing. I don't want to be an ambivalent parent, I don't want to be responsible for a child with a parent who's not fully on board. That sucks for everyone. This is all beside the PLENTY of fully rational good reasons not to breed.
I fully intend to be an awesome aunt/godmother though. I think being involved in raising a child is humbling and character building and there's no reason I should be exempt from that because I didn't make my own. It takes a village etc.

You know your own mind and your own life. The people who tell you that you'll regret it or will change your mind are rude, prying, and brainwashed. Being a mother has never been the last word in becoming a complete human woman.

No. 58696

File: 1492827166349.png (319.47 KB, 500x740, 1407085051915.png)

I can't have kids in my own body due to being born with MRKH, but my boyfriend is major baby crazy. He wants a family, he wants kids, multiple kids.
It isn't as simple as just wearing no condom since we'd have to go about the process of surrogacy and the HUGE cost of all that. We are both almost in our mid 20s(me 23, him 24)and we are sorta nearing that typical age. Then again that's just the social stigma and I know quite a few people in there late 30's who just had there first child.
I /think/ I want kids. there's no definite answer, some days I get hormonal and want them now but other days I'm like lmao NO, seeing as I actually babysit my boyfriends little brother for an entire year so I know exactly what it's like raising a kid(We lived in his parents house so.. rippo.)
Beyond even wanting kids or planning, we definitely don't have the cash. Neither of has a college degree or even a set career in mind to hold a stable house hold, we barely get by with us two. I don't even know if my eggs are even good kek.

No. 58701

im about to have a baby with my wife (two ladies) and im so fucking lonely. my wife's mom is a horrible homophobic shit head who we ignore and my own mother is completely uninterested- my brother had a trap baby with his gf so now my mom is completely turned off to any of her kids having kids. she tried super hard to convince me w my mental illness id kill the baby or hate it.

ive had my mental illness, which was super bad, under control for ten years. im sorry my mom remembers my bad times or my brother ruined grandkids for her, but right now I could really use a mom to talk too. were not even using my fucking genetics, its my wife's egg and a sperm donor so I know the kid wont be fucked up.

sometimes I cry just because I want my fucking mom to talk about stuff with or comfort me when I get worried. my wife is great but goddamnit I really want a mom.

No. 58711


Have you tried saying this to her? Like– pretty much exactly this? "I know brother's kid ruined grandkids for you, and you can only think of me during my bad times, but I really need a mom to talk to, and you are failing me."

Maybe not the failing part. But if she's any sort of a decent mother, that should be enough of a splash of reality to snap her out of it. If not– you're probably better off without :(

No. 58713

Just don't reproduce if you think you won't have enough money. Also if your boyfriend really wanted kids he would have chosen a stable career. He clearly will put everything onto your back once they are born.

No. 58719


I'm sorry this is happening to you. Could you make any friends local who have had a baby already that you could talk to about this sort of thing? Or any aunties (on yours or your wife's side)?

No. 58726

I have but again, my mother is absolutely convinced she'll end up having to care for my child (even though we live two days away BY PLANE) and I have no idea how to care for a child (even though I've been a nanny for infants/children my entire career.)
I've just stopped speaking to her because every conversation ends with her being negative and I'm hoping when I actually give birth she'll change her mind.

My wife is an only child and her parents are much older, so unfortunately no. Plus, the intense homophobia. My own aunt is dealing w drug addiction so I can't for that either. I have made some mom friends, but I just really want my own mother to care lol. My only comfort is my kid wont be an idiot like my brother's.

No. 58728


i have no advice for you anon, but wanted to offer my condolences and wish you the best. i know it's hard but try not to let your mom's cruel words get to you, she's talking out her ass. i'm sure you'll make a great parent.

No. 58733

thank you anon. again because I'm petty and bitter, I am greatly comforted that my baby is planned and greatly wanted, and we have nice stuff we can buy ourselves, while my brother's kid was purely a trap and he still hasnt married her (which was her intent.)
In the ultimate bid of petty, I found out which certain cribs she wanted (and didnt get since theyre trailer trash) and got it. my not sister in law was pissed af. thats what you get for ruining what I always wanted.

No. 58923

I'm sorry anon. It's kinda scary going through the whole pregnancy thing without someone who's gone through it to give you advice about all the aches and bumps. Hopefully you can find a nice bump group with a few women who have gone through the process too to give advice!

No. 58927

I'm at weird time with figuring this out, luckily I'm only 22 so I still have a bit of time to figure out what I want.

I grew up taking care of kids, part of me doesn't want children because I worry that my parents abusive tendencies will rub off on me with my own child, or that I won't be able to provide for my child (grew up p poor). I also worry about the other party responsible for raising a child. I know you can talk with people all you want and think you're on the same page but sometimes that's just not how the shit works out.

So I guess ideally if I am going to have a child here is my checklist:
- my own home
- car or cars paid off or near paid off
- a healthy savings account
- in love and in a healthy marriage/relationship with other parent for a substantial amount of time
-not living in this fucking state
-have traveled outside of the us.
-mental health in order

So until then… I'm no parent.

No. 59110

File: 1493266396680.png (128.07 KB, 252x387, 5_Emergence_5_006.jpg_(871×125…)

I already posted this in the confessions thread but I'm terrified.
I'm pregnant, and I'm not even entirely sure who the father is, considering I have history as a sex worker and just being a general slut (in my defense, i have extreme HPD, but >excuses)

I'm almost sure it's a guy I met on fucking 4chan. People know about it too, I've got people fucking gossiping about it online.
I'm not mentally well, not to mention I have an eating disorder. I'm not fit to be a mother at all, but I don't want to abort it, and he's strongly against abortion.
I'm sure this is going to either end in miscarriage or I'll fuck this child's life up.

No. 59111

Just abort it anon, you know its for the best.

No. 59113

I can't even at this point. You can't abort a child 2 months in, can you? I'm sorry; I forgot to add that in.
I think, if this all goes 'well,' I'm going to put them up for adoption, but at the same time just thinking about that makes me want to break down.

No. 59114

Not the anon you're replying to, but abortions are safe up until 3 months in. From what I've read. Do yourself and that life a favor. Does it matter if the father disproves if he's just some rando? I'm assuming you live in the US. Get to a Planned Parenthood, and get counseling.

No. 59117

He's sure he's the father, it's a.. shaky relationship, I guess. He's deadset on raising this child. Part of me just sort of wants to let him do it to get it all over with but like, fuck, where do I even go from here? Run away, change my name, get an abortion? We've tried talking it over and nothing gets settled, just us getting pissed.

No. 59119

Anon, if you can't give the child a good life, then abortion is the kindest thing to do.

No. 59120

I guess so. Like I said, it's a real bad situation; He wants me to have this child, moreso so he can 'save' it I think. He's got this savior complex… I used to have a drug problem and similar issues, along with my mental health, and he's gone on and on during arguments about how "I want to raise the kid right so they don't have to visit their mom in the cemetery," "Junkie mothers are a dime a dozen," "I want to take care of it so nobody has to see a news article about a mom trading her child for drugs," "I'm surprised you haven't battered your stomach with hammers (referring to my bad self harm mostly,) or hopped on more dick for booze."

It's.. yeah.
I'm not even sure if this is the right place to talk about it. I ended up going off a different tangent here, sorry.

No. 59133

Anon, you need to think long and hard about this because this will dictate your future. You say HE want to be a father but that doesn't necessarily mean that he's ready or won't change his mind about this. Some men will invariably step up and take on the responsibility but that's not a guarantee. You need to be 100 percent prepared to do this yourself because ultimately, the last person to have the sign off on having this baby is YOU and you will be the primary care giver.

If you are not ready for this commitment, the whole idea that your life is now secondary to this baby's and you'll have to do whatever it take to make sure they're safe and secure then…this isn't for you. And you need to find a councilor and see your options for late term abortion. I don't know where you are in the world but where I'm from in Europe, you still have a window to abort safely. Unsure about America.

This isn't an easy choice for someone to advise on. You need to weigh what your future is going to be and this is going to take some actual soul searching.

No. 59154

If you don't know the father, don't want it, and aren't ready to be a mother, abortion would be kindest. The guy who wants it sounds like he would be a terrible father that no child should be stuck with.

No. 59169


If you don't have the heart to abort it, maybe you can go online and find a family in the area that's willing to adopt the baby as soon as it's born?

Just putting it up for adoption isn't very good considering how foster homes can get, but if you manage to find a family that wants to adopt the baby, you can give it a better life and you might actually get to watch it grow up (if that's what you want)

Also, get in birth control.

No. 59184

So what are your feelings about this guy? Do you love him, or know much about him or is he truly just a random guy? I don't blame you for sleeping with him if it was a result of your mental problems but he doesn't sound like the type of guy you'll bring home to your mom and dad. If both of you are unable to come to an agreement about abortion I would suggest try to find a family memeber or a really close friend of the family if they can adopt the baby. You'd be able to be around the child more if you wish. Unless he can mature and raise the baby with you and you accept to have this baby with him. Not suggesting marrying this guy or the real father if you ever find out who it is and isn't him but maybe try to date him and judge for yourself on whether to keep it or give it away because both parents are vital for a baby's survival and development.

If you can't find a way then abortion is the best thing to do before it's too late.

No. 59188

You forgot to mention you've been drinking, and that the guy literally makes a point on not being in love with you because he has an anime waifu.
I really hope you take the advice here and go to planned parenthood or find people who want to adopt.

No. 59191

I think that's what I might do.. my family on my mother's side are very big on adoption, having raised many kids, IIRC in similar istuations to my own.
That's the problem as well.
I wouldn't call him so much of a random guy, moreso someone I had been hanging out with for a while, just a friend, I guess? He has feelings for me, I think, despite showing them in a … borderline verbally abusive way. It's just really complicated. Like I said, it's mostly fault on my part, I was the one who initiated it despite being a bit drunk, etc etc.

I'm going into the hospital (psych, along with health of the baby and whatnot,) for a few weeks, I'll look more into planned parenthood until I get out and then decide where to go from there.

Sorry again, I feel like I turned this whole thread about me. You guys can go back to your usual talk.
Please stop stalking me and making up lies. I've had substance abuse problems in the past but I'm doing all I can and trying to tackle dozens of brain problems and disorders.

No. 59194


Your story is literally my worst nightmare. Please don't have the baby with this guy who you describe as "borderline abusive". Also, if you're going to a psych ward certain medications can also interfere with a babies' growth in the womb.

Please just take the abortion pill and sort your shit out before you attempt to have a child.

No. 59198

There are lots of agencies in the US that let you pick a family. Healthy newborns have more demand than supply.
Birth control is also good. IUDs are very effective, if you have had poor luck with the pill.

If you're having issues where you cannot "sort your shit out" before seeking mental health care, be sure to let any medical professionals know your situation.

No. 59201

>Please stop stalking me
I'm just browsing as I always do, I wasn't expecting to see you post or anything.

>and making up lies.

Maybe you're not alcoholic but considering some things you've said you can't blame anyone for thinking you are. Sorry for saying that.

In any case I think you did well coming here for advice since everyone is actually sensible, please don't let that guy decide what you should do.

No. 59203

Thank you. Now that I'm 18 (19 this year) I know I need to start the pill – My mother wouldn't let me before I could make my own med decisions, said they'd mess with my hormones too much.
I'm going into the hospital tomorrow, and they're already aware of it and whatnot.
Sorry for the accusation. I get very paranoid about these things because I already have people stalking all my social media and even my MPA account.
I'm bordering on alcoholic, but I'm really, really trying to stop for the baby's sake.
Thank you.

No. 59205

Anon, I'm in the process of adopting and listen to the others- you can find great families desperate for a newborn. We've waited years and plan to share pictures and have worked out a deal so the mom can be involved still. You can have it all and stay sane.

For the sake of other families that want a baby so badly, if you really refuse to abort, then please consider private adoption.

No. 59206

haven't even read all of the posts relating to you, but for fucks sake GET AN ABORTION. literally nothing about you sounds fit to bring a child into this world. not.thin.g. whatsoever. jfc.

No. 59211

>about to start psych meds

Do the poor fetus a favor and abort it before it becomes a deformed child.

No. 59213

I've been taking psych meds for a while.
But you're right.
I'm sorry again for turning this all about me and whining when I should've gotten an abortion months ago.

No. 59214

Wow you should have aborted. Even if it gets good adoptive parents you've already hurt it's development.
Why the fuck did you prioritise some douchebags temper over potentiometer FAS or other mutations/disorders?

Go get your tubes tied at least jfc.

No. 59216

I'm really not experienced with any of this, it was all a huge mistake; I'm only eighteen and I've been working as a sexworker, along with as I said, mental illness and trauma/abuse stuff.
I know better now and I hope at least this will teach me a lesson.

No. 59218

I really hope you can get away from this dude, get some therapy and be well. Are you looking to leave sexwork or are you comfortable with it? There's a lot of online resources out there that could be useful to you even if you can't get access to regular therapy.

No. 59219

I've already 'left' it but there's mindsets and damage left over; I have urges to get back into it, mostly because it was easy money, and due to my HPD, I have intense 'cravings' for attention. I'm trying my best to get out of it completely, along with camwhoring, but it's a lengthy journey.

No. 59225

I really do hope you get the right help. And if you ever actually want to be a mother when you have everything settled amd sorted you'll hopefully have a good and caring husband or boyfriend to help you bring one into the world, not this douchebag who only thinks of himself.

But for your and the child's sake please think of having it aborted.

No. 59226

Hey if cam shows bring in some money and validate you, why not?
For real though consider therapy and make the tools your therapist gives you a part of your daily life.

No. 59339

Get an abortion. Get an abortion NOW. Stop waiting. Go now. Now. NOW. If you need cash, go to one of the Feminism blogs on Tumblr and have them send out a call for donations for you.

As a child who was adopted– Your child is NOT going to be wanted. There are literally THOUSANDS of children suffering in foster care already, who will NEVER get a home. Adopted children have a higher rate of PTSD and suicide than war veterans. You're not doing anyone any favors. You have admitted you have mental issues, and have been using, though you're TRYING to get clean. And while I applaud you for that, adoptive parents are SUPER choosy about the kids they bring into their family. Don't let people like >>59205 guilt you into doing a Newborn adoption. These are people who, if they really cared, could adopt and care and love and nurture one of the LITERALLY THOUSANDS of children in America alone that are already languishing in the foster care system. They're selfish. They're desperate for a new born because they're "easier" and don't have a lot of the trauma issues that a foster care adoption brings. Your kid, coming from a mother with mental issues, is NOT going to be one that these so-called 'desperate' families want.

No. 59340


There are also various groups that fund abortions in each state. For example, Texas has the Lilith Fund. Please don't doom a child to the effects of your drinking and mental problems.

No. 59366

As much as this guy seems like a jerk, maybe it's just the stress of having to deal with your issues(not meaning to be rude to you) along with the probable damage occurring in the womb is making him be on edge. Have you tried talking it over with him now? Is he still the same?

No. 59379

Oh please. This guy sounds like a classic abuser, and you want her to 'talk it over' with him?

Even if he wasn't (he is), how HE feels about this isn't the issue. Don't encourage her to put the abortion off any longer. She needs to get that scheduled NOW. Not wait a few days to talk to him, then.. wait a few days to get an appointment at the doctors… No. Fuck. That. Get your ass to the doctors.

If you're REALLY concerned about him (don't be. He sounds like abusive trash), just tell him you had a miscarriage. He's not going to know.

No. 59393


Depending on the state abortions might be covered under health insurance.


But I'm assuming OP doesn't have health insurance since she's 18 and not working.

Also I'm >>59169 who initially suggested private adoption because OP seemed really hesitant about abortion and regular foster homes aren't good at all.

No. 59394

Thank you, once again, I would quote everyone but I'm too lazy and I wanna keep this rather short; I'm currently in an ED clinic, I'm trying to talk it over with them if I should go through with the abortion while I'm here, but it may cause too much stress, it's really complicated, along with me not being sure what to do with all this.. I'm really, really glad that you're all urging me to do the right thing without being outright cruel (I have a history of basically getting 'fuck off junkie whore kys') from some very unsavory people. I promise you all that I'll do what's right..
He has his own problems, but he's said some outright awful things to me.. but I guess it may've been the heat of the moment, we had been arguing but he used my problems against me in a means to hurt my feelings, but that being said, I said some things I didn't exactly mean, but, yeah.
I appreciate it..
I'm hesitant to call him abusive because he's helped me so much during this, he's not terrible, it's just not a good fit – neither of us are really fit to be a parent, it really was a mistake.

No. 59395

Fight on girl. I hope abortion will be doable, it seems like the easiest way out.
Thanks for updating.

No. 59400

You got this shit, girl. You're not this dude's incubator; you're your own person. If the ED clinic can help with abortion resources, don't be afraid to take it.

No. 59401

Abusers aren't terrible and abusing you 100% of the time. There's no justification for verbal abuse during a fight, because functional people over the age of 9 can be mad without name calling and undermining the other persons self esteem.same goes for violence. Abuse is abuse, even when the abuser is some super amazing sweet person when they aren't abusing.

No. 59403

>There's no justification for verbal abuse during a fight, because functional people over the age of 9 can be mad without name calling and undermining the other persons self esteem.
Tumblr, please. In that case everyone and their dog has 'abused' someone at least once, especially whilst inebriated. Just because someone's acting the cunt when upset doesn't necessarily mean that they're abusive. Most people aren't Mr Rogers, even parents lose their cool and say stupid shit sometimes. It's just that there's always a line.

No. 59404

There's a world of difference between acting like a bit of a cunt and abusing someone. I'm not saying calling her a bitch is abusive, I'm saying that someone saying 'you are the scum of the fucking earth you worthless piece of shit I hope you fucking die' because she feels sad or broke a cup. It's not tumblr it's social worker common sense. Goddamn you're keen to jump aren't you?

No. 59407

You both sound super young. Just remember; If he's so eager to say awful things to you (I'm especially keying in on his 'I saved you, you need to listen to me, you can't think for yourself you're nothing without me' bullshit), how is he going to be with a CHILD? Kids do weird shit. Kids do NAUGHTY shit. Kids are the least rational little people on this planet. Someone who treats you the way it SOUNDS like he treats you is not cut out to be a father. Honestly, it sounds like the classic 'he only hurts me because he loves me' sort of set up. Abuse isn't necessarily punching. Emotional abuse is a thing. SO IS REPRODUCTIVE ABUSE, where a partner forces, or otherwise controls their partner's ability to be pregnant or not. So. Not saying just saying.

No. 59409

>SO IS REPRODUCTIVE ABUSE, where a partner forces, or otherwise controls their partner's ability to be pregnant or not.
I'm glad you pointed that out. After looking into it, it sounds like reproductive coercion.

I hope you are able to resolve this in a way that is best for you. It sounds like the people at the ED clinic are supportive, and it is good that you are talking to them about your situation.

No. 59453


I hope everything goes well for you anon. You're young and in a rough place… I don't think having a child right now would be fair to either of you so don't feel guilty about whatever you choose to do.

Wish you the best anon <3

No. 59568

I feel bad for all the people in here that you've fooled into feeling sorry for you, you should be ashamed of yourself, going this far to fake pregnancy for attention to go to multiple sites to get pity for it.

No. 59570

stop deluding yourself and thinking she's lying for attention. it's true

No. 59571

You obviously don't know her that well.

No. 59572

Why do you care

No. 59851

I'm really disappointing my family because I'm bi with a strong preference for women, and unless I settle which I doubt will happen, I'm not going to have children. There's so much extra pressure on me from my parents because my sibling died and it's supposed to be my duty to replace her, that's what they make me feel like anyways. She would have been the one to have children and I would have been the crazy gay aunt. I don't know what to do. I'm not even 20 yet and people are already asking me at family gatherings if I have a boyfriend or if I'm going to give them babies soon. I feel like such a let down every time I say no. Yesterday was Cindo de Mayo so I'm really feeling it today. Did any other anons go through something similar? Does it ever stop?

No. 59864

>Does it ever stop?
Yes, of course. You just gotta chill through.

Re: disappointment, let down, etc.
No reason to feel that way. Don't mistake your family's love for your family's expectations. They don't care about you fulfilling them, they just want you to be happy.

Source: I'm 36, childless, never wanted kids, have a close-knit relationship with my family

No. 59878

My mom has finally come to terms with the fact she won't be a grandma unless my husband decide to adopt in our late 30s, early 40s or so and happily talks about her "grandkitties" and "grandpuppy" now so that's good.

My husband's grandparents are not quite as over it though so we kinda keep it secret from one of them in particular…Might even just lie and say I'm incapable of having kids or something if it ever comes up in person (easy enough to ignore on facebook).

but i'm mostly posting because my big sister had a baby recently so i'm finally an aunt and i'm excited to spoil a baby with tons of presents hahaha.

No. 59879

You need to be confident in standing up for your life choices. A good compromise, considering you're only 20 is saying something like "I'm only 20 and in this economy i can't consider having kids until I'm financially secure which might not happen until I'm 30." Because it IS possible you might change your mind by then (i keep adoption open as an option in my case because I don't want kids, and i'm 26 so it's pretty much a given that i won't give birth at this rate).

But ultimately don't let your family make you feel like a disappointment. If you haven't even been open about your wishes you should really consider being more outspoken. I had to be a bitch to my mom before she finally came to terms with the fact that my older brother (who's 30 and can't even hold down a job, let alone a relationship. he still mooches off my mom and grandpa) is her only hope for being a grandma.

you just gotta be consistent with it and eventually they'll shut up even if they hold onto the hope.

No. 59907

female partners have the option of a sperm bank, you know that right? it's one of the major reasons those things exist. unless you don't wanna do that, but just saying, being with a woman doesn't mean you have to resign to either never having kids, or ditching her for a male.

>I'm not even 20 yet and people are already asking me at family gatherings if I have a boyfriend or if I'm going to give them babies soon. I feel like such a let down every time I say no

lmao, really? first of all your family's kinda screwed up if they're asking a teen when she's going to have babies. and second, you're kinda are too if you "feel bad" for telling them no at your age. like come the fuck on.

No. 59932

in case you neened to know how bad the abuse is, https://pastebin.com/5UbGqBXp

No. 60007

No. 60026

You don't need anonymous posters to "approve" that these messy chat logs are abusive enough to justify an abortion.
You don't need to prove anything to anyone, just get out of there and save your own life.If you're unhappy, it's bad, if you're not ready to have a kid then make sure you abort asap, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.
However, I do think you need to get away from the unhealthy side of the internet, it's well proven that using places like 4chan when you're depressed and you're clearly meeting awful people through it.

If there's something specific you want to share with us for advice on, you could always tl;dr it because these are long and unclear, but you don't need anons to pass judgment on your chat logs to know that what you feel about them is allowed.

No. 60035


Just fucking get an abortion. If that thing doesn't come out damaged from all the drugs / drinking you'll surely fuck it up with how you are as a person. If it's adopted out IF it will be prone to mental illness from you and your shitty fucking boyfriend.

I'm not saying this to be mean, or that you won't ever have a baby. But right now is not a great time. This guy is not the right guy. Just wait a few years, sort your shit out, find someone new who is a good person then you can think of having children.

Plant a tree for baby.

No. 60058

File: 1494265454894.jpg (94.27 KB, 366x380, why.jpg)

Anon it's been close to two weeks since you initially posted.

I'm completely new to this thread, but considering you were "months" into your pregnancy as over a week ago >>59213, I'm guessing you are awfully close if not past the cutoff time to be ordinarily approved for a D&E abortion.
The easiest option (the pill abortion) is completely off the table at this point, and as someone who has experienced a late D&E, you are in for a world of shit. BUT it would be ten times better compared to the alternative of you going through the process of carrying that pregnancy to term and birthing.

There is no reason why you couldn't go to your welfare office and be approved for an emergency abortion. You fit the criteria: mentally depressed/suicidal, taking medications that could affect the development of the fetus, high risk due to alcoholism and ED, etc.
You don't have to beg for money or get insurance if you live in a blue state.
I'm not pointing these things out to be cruel or insinuate you could never be a good parent in the future, but if ever justification for an abortion did exist, these are it!

Don't let a John–a self-righteous one at that–dictate the rest of your life. These men don't care about you, if they did, they'd make a show of commitment and NOT throw verbal abuse at you. They don't mind if you have their child because they do none of the work and get to have their seed passed on.
Abortion? Gossip? All that you can leave behind and put in your past! Nobody will care in a matter of years, if not months.
A baby? That's for life.
A late miscarriage? Mental trauma.
Adoption, if you're lucky? Regret.

Stop punishing yourself because you think you're unworthy just because you have a mental condition, drink and do sex work.
None of that fucking matters.
You can start over if you have an abortion.
Allow your mind to reset and heal.
Then tackle your problems a step at a time.
Save yourself.

No. 60070


Stop fucking around and get an abortion already. Nobody is going to want your deformed trash baby, and like the majority of deformed trash babies it's going to sit and be abused in goverment foster care until it turns 18 and then it's going to spend it's life on SSDI. We don't need another sped on welfare. You're not going to change and become a good mother, and using this for attention is a bunch of fucking bullshit. Stick to being a slut, at least that only harms you.

No. 60074

girl, go get some therapy for your untreated BPD after you abort your retard spawn. get off the internet or change your handles or something because you have a weird unhealthy relationship with all of those neckbeards in the chat.

No. 60078

Go ahead and get the abortion. You obviously know it's what you want, and his opinion matters even less than most men's.

No. 60080

Dunno if this is the right place for this but I got an abortion like two weeks ago (I was on the depo shot and got pregnant after having sex with my partner for the first time in 1.5 years, just my luck)

But since then I have had some weird issues- my stomach is bloated (I look more pregnant now than I ever did before the procedure), I have to toot often and it smells awful and my poops aren't great. Some discomfort when sitting down to pee but nothing too bad. There has been no bleeding.

Do I just wait this out? I'm a bit worried as it's been like 2 weeks now.

No. 60083

maybe it didn't take

No. 60085

It was a surgical abortion and I don't have nausea or other symptoms that I had when pregnant… plus the ultrasound confirmed it was all gone.

I'm paranoid now I'll buy a test tomorrow ;—;

No. 60086

Could just be the shot anon.
I was on that shit from 15-17 (parents were controlling and didn't want to talk to me about sex), and it did some fucked up shit to me then same as you.

No. 60087

You're ok. It's just the hormones acting up.

It's a huge stress on the body - suddenly oh, baby, secrete that, do that; suddenly again oh, no baby, scratch that, secrete this, do this

It's all gonna calm down, chill

No. 60091

See your doctor.

No. 60145

I am having a daughter in 2 months and I am honestly scared shitless of her being the more vulnerable sex. I was hoping for a boy for this reason. I'm going to do my very best to keep her away from creepy dudes and asshole potential boyfriends but a mother can only do so much, it only takes one creep to fuck your daughter up for life.

Does anyone have any advice on calming down about this? It's hard for me to relax because I was almost raped as a child by a ~20 yo guy at a pool because my babysitter left for 10 minuets. I have also had many men follow me home and try to bait me into their cars as a young girl so Im afraid of that for her too.

No. 60146

if you're worried that's why you shouldn't be worried. you're not gonna let that stuff happen if you teach her better. don't teach her to be afraid, teach her to be strong. don't be afraid to teach her about sex even as a small child. obviously rape is different, but the main reason children get molested and are allowed to is because so many parents shy away from teaching them what it is.

you're already going to do better than most because you're concerned about it, but there's a way to teach fear and a way to teach strength, just make sure to keep that in mind.

the world is terrifying but it's really really beautiful too.

No. 60160

1. teach her from a very young age what parts of her body no one is allowed to touch or look at. I have seen documentaries of even little boys who were taught this, and it has stopped predators before they act because they know this means the child will tell.

2. ideally, do not partner with any male that is not her bio dad. I don't remember the exact statistics but the potential for sexual abuse is very high with "mommy's new boyfriend".

3. Do not leave her alone with a male that is not someone super trusted, like her bio dad. A distant elderly relative who was very sweet and funny and was left a widow used to take my mom and I to therapy and used to use the few minutes she was taking her turn to "caress" my thigh. So I would honestly be weary of leaving her alone in the presence of any adult male, no matter how low risk you think they are.

4. Do not let her walk do things like walk home from school by herself, or other things that could risk a car slowing down next to her while she's alone.

5. when she's a teen, watch documentaries or something with her about pedophiles, domestic abuse, kidnapping etc. This will instill both knowledge and fear. Avoid her being too trusting or naive.

No. 60361

This so much, the best thing you can do is give her all the information as soon as you can and surround her with positive role models (and books that she can consult privately when she can read!).
This might be too lefty liberal for you but also saying that she doesn't have to give hugs and kisses to anyone even you, unless she wants to is important. It hurts when they won't hug you, it really does, but it's better than instilling the idea that a good girl has to accept kisses and hugs from the whole range of extended family. This one is important to me because my mother was open to me about everything, except as a teenager I still fell for the "if you love me you would do x for me" bullshit from a boy. You can't protect kids from everything, but you can give them all the tools you wish you had.

I would agree with point 1 and some of the others, but 4 is too much. If you restrict any kid too much, they go out looking for trouble and don't know how to respond when they find it. Cautious is good, but over-protected just makes them more of a target.

No. 60413

Teach her to own and respect her own body, and not to worry about being "rude" if someone makes her feel creeped-out. It's all going to be okay. You will raise a daughter who protects and values herself.

No. 60462

also teach her that you wont be upset if you find out a man did that. I think why most kids dont tell their mom when something like this happens is because they are afraid of getting in trouble

No. 60465

I wish I had a friend or family member with a little baby right now, just so I could see them and hang out. I can't have my own baby right now but I just want to hold one and watch it giggle and smile. I don't know but I get random moments of 'baby rabies' but I'm usually indifferent to kids. Actually, I usually get baby fever right before my period but my period ended about two weeks ago, weird.

No. 60466

I've been with my fiance for 9 years and only used condoms for the first year. He always pulls out and I've never gotten pregnant. I have cysts on my ovaries and have an irregular period. Could this mean I'm infertile?

No. 60499


There's no way to tell unless you go to a doctor. A lot of women assume they are infertile for similar reasons and then have a baby.

It is odd that you have never had a scare, but if you've been diligent in pulling out it could happen. Do you WANT to have a baby?

No. 60535

Cysts and irregular periods are extremely common in a lot of women. You're likely just fine.

No. 60578

I have severe depression and anxiety, and also have endometriosis. From a young age I was told I wouldn't be able to have children, and at first I didn't care but now that I'm in my mid 20s I really want to try. I have the chance to with a loving partner, but I'm scared. With my depression is as it is, will it just make it worse? Will my baby just end up messed up?

No. 60615

If you have depression now, you could easily develop pre- and/or post-partum depression. But there are meds for those. Don't sweat it! The fact that you're worried about being a good mom instead of just not giving a fuck means you'll at least be trying.

No. 60637

i was on medication for my depression and stuff on the back half of my first pregnancy and all throughout my second. my children years later are developmentally and physically sound.

i agree with anon. self awareness and wanting to try is key and while its the easiest route to be discouraged, keeping faith and making an effort towards doing your best makes a difference. there is a lot of hate about taking meds while pregnant, but your health is imperative as well as the fetus. you can do it.

i struggled with postpartum psychosis which is scary, but anticipating it and treating asap made all the difference. mood disorders do not determine if youre going to be a bad parent. keep your chin up anon, parenthood is a beautiful thing and if/when youre ready, there is a love and happiness that, imo, comes from guiding a little mini you that is truly fulfilling.

No. 60642

Thanks anons, means a lot. It's always good getting insight from others who've experienced severe depression as well. I always worried andout the during and post partum depression, because of things get worse than they are now hoo boy that's a whole bother shit fest.

Here's hoping though!!

No. 61189

I feel like teaching her all of this will make her think men are terrifying. Men ARE terrifying in my experience but it's just shitty that she has to live with fear if I educate her. I wish creepy men didn't have to ruin everything.

No. 61212

I wish I had had a kid around 20. It would be cool to be a young mom and it doesn't fuck up your body completely when you're still young. I'm only 25 now but I feel like it's too late and I don't won't have a kid late in life. I'm a virgin so it's purely theoretical. Having had a kid with some friend when I was younger now sounds so good and I feel like I've wasted my youth.

No. 61217

Most young mums are unprepared and have accidental babies. You're not suddenly ancient and doomed to get fucked up by pregnancy because you're five years older jfc.
Go outside, have a relationship, explore things like sex and fun before telling yourself you'd be happier having gotten pregnant at 19 and sacrificing half your youth to raise them. You sound so naive that I'm sort of concerned for you. How is it wasting youth to not have a baby immediately after adolescence?

No. 61232

Having a kid at 30 makes a big difference compared to having one at 20, though. Your body just doesn't take it so well and it only gets worse from there. Also there isn't such a huge age gap between you and your kid. I guess most people don't care about that but I do, I think it's nice to have a kid not so far in age from you. I know I'm fucking naive but what can I do.

No. 61233

Had my kid at 22, entirely unprepared for mom life. Yeah, my body bounced back, no stretch marks, perfectly healthy baby, etc., but I wish we could've waited a little longer. It's just a LOT to handle emotionally and of course physically when you can barely take care of yourself (as most young adults struggle to do these days.) It forces you into growing up and being responsible immediately. You can't just do things you want to do any more. Want to go see a movie with your SO? Well, you don't want to be THAT person who brings a crying infant/very mobile toddler to a movie theater. Get someone else to watch the baby? YOU'RE A HORRIBLE MOM WHO JUST WANTS TO GO OUT ALL THE TIME INSTEAD OF RAISE YOUR KID. (That is, if you can find someone/aren't too broke to pay for a babysitter.) Sorry for ranting, but it feels like the ONLY positives to being a young mom is that I won't be too old to have fun when my kid is basically grown and I have more energy right now to deal with a young child than someone who's 30 or 40.

No. 61312

You could not have kids since you seem to care more about your figure bouncing back and being a "cool mom" and don't seem to give a shit about being far too naive for motherhood. It's a fucking person not a chihuahua or handbag.

No. 61325

what age do you think would have been good? just curious because I'm 22.

No. 61327

>I'm only 25 now but I feel like it's too late
lmao are you fucking trolling?

No. 61329

It varies by your life situation, really. I'm 25 now and know I can handle a newborn easier than I did 3 years ago (financially and emotionally.) However, there are some 30 year olds entirely unprepared for children and there are 20 year olds who are great parents.

No. 61839

I'm 25 and I really want a baby, but me and my bf have only been dating for a year and we are nowhere near ready. But I can't stop wanting one. I'm on the pill, so it's not going to happen, but I keep mentioning it and freaking him out. A lot of my friends are pregnant and having babies so it's a topic that comes up every so often. I told him it's 5 years minimum before we think about it but… Goddamnit I want a baby that's half me and half him.


No. 61935

Same boat. Does your boyfriend eventually want a baby with you, or is he one of those "no kids, ever" men? I think men get freaked out over the baby-wanting thing because, though you know it's too soon and wouldn't have one yet, it's really out of their control what happens, unless they stop having sex altogether, get a vasectomy (very permanent), or use condoms (not very effective alone for preventing pregnancy).

No. 61941

same. except i don't have a boyfriend.
i'm pretty crazy though, i like chatting in baby forums, looking at baby names, watching pregnancy vlogs and thinking about things like what to pack in a kindergartener's lunchbox. I know i can't be the only one, but baby fever decided to hit me with a thousand pound piano. I'm glad i'm sensible enough to keep it in my fantasies though, because i'm in no position to have one anytime soon :(

surprisingly hearing that friends and past classmates have kids actually makes me glad I don't have any yet, because most are still too young to be financially well off on their own. One girl I used to be friends with who is only days younger than me has 3 kids. Lol all of my life plans would be over if I had 3 kids right now.

No. 62004

I'm 7 months and I'm excited like I'm stoked and so ready to meet him and stuff…but my hormones have driven me up the wall, my acne is worse then it's ever been, I don't come out of the house, I've gained so much weight and I'm pretty much ready to bite everyone's head off.

No. 64286

Yeah, you really need to go private for a lot of shit
Cancer patients are left waiting 1+ years to get seen to by anyone, including obgyns here.
It's a disgrace.
then private costs hundreds or thousands for anything unless you have a medical card to cover some of the costs. If not; you're fucked.

No. 64287

My fiance legitimately wants like 15 kids (I don't want that many) but holy fuck is it hard just trying to conceive one
I think I have PCOS making everything worse, but I'm trying supplements and will consider pre-seed (holy cow is that expensive at £25 in store should you be lucky enough to find the blasted stuff!
I know ti's not a miracle worker, but it's better than nothing
I just wonder how much truth there is behind the "just don't think about it" attitude?

No. 64289

Does anyone have any experience with preseed or other TTC friendly lubes like conceive Plus or even Fertility Friend (whatever that Boots brand is is called) I would really like to know what the best option would be. I heard preseed is exceptionally gloopy and some prefer conceive Plus.
Some are saying preseed gave them pregnancies with in 1 - 3 months of use, others say they got nothing.
And meanwhile others are just using food grade coconut oil.

YES YES Baby! seems excellent in that it takes female and male Ph into consideration but it's only available online (poorfag here, can only go in stores).
Anyone had experience with any and had any success?
I really need a decent TTC lubricant

No. 64305

If you're poor why do you want to get pregnant?

And no, I don't know what any of that is. Most people don't need that snake oil shit to get pregnant.

No. 64307

Sorry if I sound like a bitch. I am just salty and don't know any other way to say that nicely.

No. 64314

You sound really impatient and desperate. Are you trying to trap a man or something?

No. 64318


As in I can't buy the stuff online so I need to find something in a physical store I can walk into, money is fine that way I just don't use credit cards.
We both want a child, he's just too big to fit without lube and I saw most lubes are shit for sperm, I wanted something to be of ease that didn't kill more sperm than nature does already

No. 64319

Your money situation is sketchy. If you were well off, you should be able to buy shit online


>he's just too big to fit without lube

Wow. Are you joking? So many couples have this problem but do you know what they do? They build and work up to it until he can fit. If that doesn't work for you, which I doubt you've it tried because you seem borderline retarded, then y'all just ain't meant to be together plain and simple.

Please don't procreate. You're just so lost and retarded and confused and have a deluded concept of sex and finances. Sorry.

No. 64320


I ain't buying a credit card just to get some preseed.
And contrary to some couples, with lube he eventually fits in but it's uncomfortable at the entrance because my man is the biggest I've been with. It kills the mood trying to fit that shit in for 40+ minutes without lube, and it's downright painful after awhile of trying. I can't help my damn anatomy.

No. 64324

You broke dumb ass bitch, you can't afford $20 for some fucking lube but you want to have a kid? Are you a mong? Do you even know how much kids cost? Shit if you can't throw down $20 then you're going to be in a world of hurt if you bring a child into the world.

No. 64327

Even if you don't like other people's children, you'll love your own more than anything, even if they really are brats.

No. 64329

>Do you even know how much kids cost?

People like this go on welfare though, or find religious communities to leech from. So no, they don't have to worry as much about the costs because nobody is going to deny a baby who didn't ask to be born shelter, food, healthcare, or education.
Sad, but true.

>can't purchase things online
>can't use a credit card
>thinks you "buy" a credit card
Anon sounds underage.

No. 64337

I was thinking the exact same thing.

No. 64438

nobody is gonna deny it? uh try the US govn't.

No. 64446

i can afford the shit in real life. Hence I'm looking for a place IRL to get it. I ain't a virtual ATM, I work in cold hard cash in the real world. That's what I'm on about being poorfag, I ain't got virtual creds.

>buying credit cards

entering a 12 month minimum contract for a one time purchase? I ain't about that

No. 64454

>I work in cold hard cash in the real world
Even more reason for you not to get pregnant, anon. It totally sucks to be a pregnant hooker.

No. 64458

So… You're not using a bank? Wtf. Yeah you shouldn't have kids.

No. 64473

Bullshit, child. Maybe not as much money as they demand, but they get help nonetheless. I've seen way too many lazy, unemployed whores pop out kids and have everything handed to them. Bonus points if they suddenly pretend they love religion to get freebies and free childcare.

Don't breed. You sound like ghetto trash.

No. 64484

Go open up a bank account and get a debit card.

No. 64490

your child is going to wind up hating you and wishing theyve never been born if you don't even have as much as a bank account at this point

No. 64491

Thanks for that Kek, anon, I really needed it today.

My bf is a few years older and is starting to press me about kids. His mom is pressuring him, a lot of his friends have them.
I don't think I want any. I have severe depression and am so fucking afraid of pregnancy and post partum. We talked a lot about not wanting any early on but I think he's pulling a 180. He's talking about it almost daily and when I point it out, he tells me it's to make me cringe. I'm not sure I'm buying it. He asks me what kids name I would like and stuff.
What do? I love him, we've been together for year. It's really eating at me and the anxiety it's generating keeps me up at night. I already feel worthless and I think too much internet has been making it worse. I feel like I'll never be good at anything and that having a kid is the only way to legitimate not having killed myself yet. I hate this.

No. 64492

Agreed. Anon doesn't sound like they know WTF they're doing.

No. 64494

Nonnie, you should talk to him about it. If you already struggle with anxiety and depression please don't let him press you into concieving before you get a handle on coping with these things. And I mean literally learning to cope. Not meds. You can't take them while Prego or breastfeeding. I'm sure you are aware that a baby will make anxiety a million times worse. As far as PPD, I don't have much experience, but there is so much crazy hormonal shit going on in you during and after pregnancy that it will absolutely make things worse for existing depression. Being a parent is rewarding and personally gives me a great sense of purpose in life and helps keep me from depression (anxiety galore, but I have no choice but to deal, which is good) but's not the same for everyone. Your future baby deserves the best you that you have to offer and it's not fair to knowingly give anything less.

No. 64495

A year is not enough to know someone well enough to have a child with them. When you have a child with someone you're tied to them forever, even if you don't stay in a relationship with them, you have to deal with either joint custody and/or child support payments, for the next eighteen years. It's always easy for men to want children, they don't have to deal with pregnancy post partum depression and will never have to deal with the majority of childrearing. No matter how much a man wants a child, he will never put in as much effort as the mother does no matter what he says.

Anon, you are not mentally healthy. You need to get involved in some kind of therapy, and reduce your internet time, or at the very least don't visit websites like this because they can exacerbate your mental illness, depression, and suicidal thoughts. You have so much value, that goes beyond being a mother or a girlfriend. You don't need him and you don't need to have a child if you don't want too.

No. 64551

Did any one else get cravings for having kids after getting into a good relationship? I used to despise the idea of having kids and wanted to be childfree forever. But after my current bf I just want to get pregnant so badly. He is just so gentle and kind, and I feel like he would be a good father.

No. 64552

No. 64555


White people (and some East Asians like the Japanese) are on a demographic decline that, if continued, will lead to the destruction of their countries and near-extinction of their race.

Primary reasons:

- Women are going to college (feminist/liberal indoctrination camp) and entering the workforce rather than getting married and having kids. If they ever have kids it's usually when they're over 30 years old (serious risk of kid being retarded), and they only have 1 or 2 kids, they might not even live to see their grandchildren if their kids have kids.

- Divorce courts are extremely biased in favor of women, and women are rewarded for divorce. We have over 50% divorce rate, and no-fault divorces allow women to divorce for whenever they want. Even if the woman cheats and causes the divorce, a man could lose his wife, children, house, and financial security all at the time, and his wife could do this ANYTIME she wants for any reason. Men are very scared of getting married or having children now because of this.

- Economy. A very large portion of men don't make enough money to be seen as acceptable partners in the eyes of women, so women won't have kids with them.

- Women are ruined in general, their minds are poisoned by feminism, they become extremely arrogant and entitled, they slut it up, emulate nigger/hip-hop culture, ride the cock carousel, get tattoos and piercings, they're stuck permanently as children rebelling against daddy. Many men don't want to put in the effort for THAT. This along with many other issues makes a lot of men just give up, and instead play video games and watch porn, or fuck prostitutes or random sluts from clubs/Tindr, what's the point of them even trying?

Tick tock roasties, by 30 guys already don't want to have kids with you. I'll enjoy seeing you die alone with no family in a nursing facility, that is if there's even enough young people to pay taxes for your healthcare.

No. 64556

>will lead to the destruction of their countries and near-extinction of their race

I owe literally nothing to strangers who happen to share the same skin color as me, and refuse to be a human incubator just to satisfy some sick pervert's worldview that race is something we have to worry about.

If you care so much, then by all means encourage young white trash to get knocked up, remain in poverty, and btw–no welfare for them–since we have to start telling people to pull themselves up by their bootstraps to save the shitty first world capitalist economy by denying poor whites their food stamps.

Stupid ass permavirgin robot stanklord.
Tick tock, you still tfw no gf :'((

No. 64557


You forgot that we're all fucked in ~30-50 years, anyway.(USER HAS BEEN PUT OUT TO PASTURE)

No. 64558

(And fuck I hope this was really good bait to match the video)

No. 64559

File: 1499462386809.jpg (22.59 KB, 400x311, darwin_finches.jpg)

>not earning and investing enough in 40+ years to be able to not depend on big government

lol, low achiever detected
Nobody will blink an eye when you die.

No. 64560

I hope you enjoy living in Mexico/Africa, or better yet, an Islamic caliphate.

Your feminist views will backfire on you, and I hope I will be there to see it. I will love seeing feminists die alone in a cold facility, again IF there is even enough young people to pay for your healthcare, or even provide the healthcare for such a massive aging population compared to what will be such a small young population.

>by all means encourage young white trash to get knocked up

I am trying.

My 5+ children and several grand children will.(USER HAS BEEN PUT OUT TO PASTURE)

No. 64561

Five kids that you're not currently taking care of as you continue shitposting on the internet to people who don't give a shit. When you could be acting a parent to them.
This is truly nu white culture, I'm ashamed to share the same color as you.(don't take the bait)

No. 64564

How do I know you're an red-pill incel? Let me count the ways.

>muh White people and special Asians

>liberal arts degrees
>no kids after 30
>the phrase "cock carousel"
>all women have daddy issues
>men are better off MGTOW
>uses "roasties"
>the wall is something that suddenly happens the moment you turn 30

And I don't even disagree with you. Just try harder next time to not be so obvious.

No. 64566

Yes anon, it was the same for me!

No. 64575


No. 64626

I just found out I'm pregnant this morning. It's been a long fucking time coming, but I am freaking out thinking "how are you going to take care of a baby??"

I don't have anyone else to tell, my husband is at work and I want to surprise him. It's so early still, I'm scared to get excited.

No. 64627

Congratulations anon.

No. 64629

lolcow thread about babies and raising a family

ctrl+f "love": 54 matches

ctrl+f "abort": 63 matches

No. 64631

Because 'love' won't fix questionable relationships, money issues, or health conditions–which had you bothered to read, is what the majority of those 'abort' highlights are referring to.

No. 64634

Congratulations! Are you the anon that had a miscarriage in the vent thread…?

No. 64636

I'm 26 and just now thinking that I would MAYBE like to have a child one day. I've always liked kids and babies. I have younger siblings and always babysat A LOT when I was younger, and still now when I have the time.

but idk. sometimes I feel scared, like I would have a kid and then feel stuck and depressed. like, the day to day life of my friends who have kids, it just seems so wack and stagnant. even the ones who have good husbands/boyfriends/baby daddies and have good jobs, etc.

of course, having a kid brings so much joy to one's daily life as well. but sometimes, all I can think of is how I would feel a "cabin fever" type feeling if I had a kid.

No. 64637


That's me! Hoping this one sticks!

No. 64639

Congratulations on the pregnancy!!! Best wishes and health for you and your baby! Keep us updated!

No. 64641


This is gonna sound cliché, but I didn't want kids for the longest time, anon. And then suddenly I met my husband and I wanted to have a child with him. The people that seem stagnant are most likely the ones who believe they have to follow the baby norm, have kids because it's what you do, raise them a certain way because that's how it is etc.

No. 64645

Oh, awesome, I'm so happy for you!

No. 64730

I am a few weeks away from having my first baby! I have to go through with a planned C-section because the baby is in breech. I am terrified of getting cut open.

No. 64740

It's a few weeks away; there should still be time for the baby to move into the proper birthing position. How far along are you?
>As you continue to progress through your pregnancy, the positioning of your baby becomes a very important factor to consider. When you are 30 weeks pregnant, your baby should be in a cephalic (head down) position. Unfortunately, this is not the case for at least 25% of expectant mothers.
>Even so, it is normal for a baby to turn their head at 34 weeks. It should be of concern only if your baby does not turn their head after the 36 week mark. Even at this stage, it is possible for spontaneous turning to take place. In some cases, the baby turns even on the onset of labour.

No. 64788

my fiancé and i are in a long distance relationship–after the wedding, i'll be moving in with him in another country. we've constantly talked about how much we want kids, and i personally don't mind starting trying. what's your opinions on being pregnant during weddings (note: not getting married BECAUSE you're pregnant, but happening to be pregnant at the wedding.)

(also note: i'm not worried about not being able to drink at my wedding–that's for the guests, i'm good being sober.)

No. 64789

i feel like i should add that he's coming to visit me in two weeks and it'll be the only time i see him until the wedding.

No. 64790

>hasn't met husband once before the wedding
>is getting married to a virtual stranger
>wants baby with a virtual stranger
hmm nope, nothing wrong with that plan at all /s

No. 64791

I've seen him tons of times? We've been dating for three years before our wedding? I never once said he was a virtual stranger, but maybe I should have specified more.

We've visited each other AT LEAST 8 times each, just haven't been able to in the past 6 months.

(my bad, should have specified.)

No. 64792

Honestly… I always think it's a bad idea to get married if you've never lived with the other person. It's completely different and will change your relationship.

About getting pregnant: nothing wrong with being pregnant while you get married BUT I don't think it's wise to jump from a LDR to getting a baby. See if you both work out when moving together (my friends were dating for 7 years and broke up when they moved in with one another because it didn't work out).

Get used to your new everyday life, especially if it's in a new country. You will need new doctors, get accustomed etc. You won't have your family and friends around you and it'll be tough, with or without your partner.

No. 64794

We've lived with each other for short spans of time (I lived with him for six months until I had to return home per passport rules) but I still get what you're saying. It'll be weird not going to the same doctor I've had since I was a baby and not having my mom there fawning over her first grandkid.

Like I said though, I totally get what you're saying–the baby fever might have to wait for a bit.

No. 64796

That's good! It's always hard to make assumptions here of course because we don't know the full story. But still, living together with all your stuff will be different. Maybe just enjoy being married or together with each other for a bit, the baby will be there for 18+ years. Good luck though!

No. 64797

I totally get that! I'm also queen of leaving out possibly important details on everything, lmao. I appreciate your input none the less!! It'll probably be good to get settled up there anyways with our pets and all–can't have two cats possibly fighting AND a baby.

No. 64812

Congratulations! Wishing you all the best!

It's fine. It's not as if the people close to you will think you got marries because you got pregnant. Just get pregnant after you send out save the dates, if that sort of thing matters to you. That said, immigration/visas can be tricky. If it's important to you that you live together when the baby is born, wait.

No. 64815

thankfully he's canadian and i'm american so it isn't terribly hard when it comes to the border and everything, but i know what you mean with immigration and visa. thank you though!!

also, >>64637 congrats!! hoping you, your s/o, and your future lil bean the best of luck!

No. 64834


I recently got married and today is our 11 month wedding anniversary. I'm the anon above who just recently got pregnant (>>64637)
I'm very happy that we waited until we had lived together and been married for a while. People always say the first year of marriage is the hardest, and honestly I agree. It's not that things change that much per se, but it's the notion that you're in it together and you'll share all your days. You're no longer chasing the other and while you might have been together in a relationship for a while, there are some subtle changes when you get married. It can take a while before you get settled in your new place, find new friends etc, and having a baby or being pregnant can be pretty isolating.

That being said, you know your relationship better than we do, but I'd make sure I had a good, stable marriage before getting pregnant. Your marriage union is pretty much the basis of the family you're creating, so make sure it's a good one, you know? Also, just enjoy your time together as newlyweds.

No. 64838

Yeah, I can see what you mean. I think part of it is no longer taking my birth control for medical reasons and the fact that a lot of my friends are having kids also sends me into a "i want one of my own" mindset a lot quicker than it should. Plus, all of my relatives now have babies of their own so I feel like I'm straggling behind. I also really want one of my own–but if it's meant to happen, it'll happen, if not then it won't for a bit, no use worrying about it when I have other stuff to focus on first.

do i need to sage this for a blogpost?

No. 64860


im 37 weeks its way too late, don't worry i've accepted it!

No. 69261

Just curious, why not adopt?

No. 69263

that was 5 months ago, i don't think they're gonna respond.

anyway, do any of you guys have a plan for what age you're going to start TTC? I'm 23 and I don't want it to be later than 28+. i'm thinking I may start in about 3 years.

No. 69265


Probably because they don't have money. I agree in general. If you don't have money, just don't bring a child in this world. A person doesn't ask to be born, they should have a life where basic needs are met without struggle. And it seems from your health problem, its possible it could be also genetically inherited. I want kids but if I have any genetic problems, I would prefer not to conceive or just get genetic counseling before conceiving to avoid any risks.

No. 69283

I had my first child at 22, but that seems like the norm where I live. Luckily, we were mostly financially stable. The thing is, you're never ready for it. Never. It's an incomprehensible change to your life until you actually experience it.

No. 69712

I'm 32 weeks pregnant and I seriously cannot wait to not be fucking pregnant anymore. Like, get my baby out already. Compared to many women my pregnancy has been pretty smooth, but it's still the most uncomfortable and fed up I have ever been. Can't wait to lie on my damn front again and not walk like I've shit myself. /rant

No. 69715

I hope it gets better soon. I'm almost 20 weeks with HG, feel like I want to die every day. Also pretty depressed :/ Anyone take anti-depressants while pregnant? I don't want to, but I feel like I need to.

No. 69716

I have a child that I haven't been permitted to see for almost 4 years now, but his asshole dad is coming after me for child support. I am freaking out because I lied about it to my boss and now I don't know what to do, it's a really painful thing for me to think or talk about and I am really stressed…and drinking.

No. 69717

I remember that, except I didn't have the walk. Really sucks not being able to sleep in the position you want though. Also, the kicking and stretching really doesn't help. Savor it, though. You'll really be a sleep deprived wreck soon enough.

I took buspirone. Didn't seem to help much tbh.

Damn, anon. I mean, I guess it's only fair as far as equal treatment of the sexes goes, but that still really sucks. Drinking isn't the best way to deal with problems, but you probably already know that.

No. 69724

I’m really sorry to hear that anon. Have you asked your midwife to refer you to the perinatal mental health team? Obviously they can’t make HG go away, but they’re the best people to talk to if you’re feeling like that as they can advise you properly on ways to help. Sending hugs, hope you feel better ASAP!

No. 69745

My situation is kinda unique right now..but I feel as if the HG only heightens my depression. I need to get a midwife still. Ffff… Thank you though!

No. 69755

Does anyone get painfully baby crazy when they ovulate?

No. 69784

It'd be pretty understandable for being that sick to make depression worse. Definitely make it a priority to get a midwife ASAP, for your sake and your baby's! :)

No. 69795

Horribly. Each cycle seems to have longer lasting baby fever and it is killing me.

No. 69800

As a counter to >>69755 does anybody literally never get baby crazy? Does anybody else feel like they have no maternal instinct either? People always talk about after they hold and interact with other people's babies and then they start wanting one? That has never happened to me.

I don't really like kids at all and I have no idea how to communicate with them or make them happy/comfy, so these questions aren't even important because I've already decided it's best if I don't have any. I'm just curious if anyone else thinks there's such a thing as being meant to not have kids? I feel like a lot of women, even if they decide to not have kids for financial and other personal reasons, still have that maternal instinct. I feel like there has to be a reason why I don't.

No. 69802

If it’s any consolation a lot of women don’t get that maternal urge and some of them who end up parents despite that turn out perfectly good mothers.
I get baby urges so badly but I think a lot of it is over exaggerated or just expected of all girls even though it’s not some law of ovary-ownership

No. 69808

I do think there is such a thing as being not meant to have kids, but IMO some of that demographic is to do with personality as well, not just a lack of maternal urges. Like there’s loads of people who wanted and have had kids who definitely shouldn’t have had them.

However other anon is right, I think people just expect that girls will be maternal so when they’re not it feels like !!big shocker!!

No. 69816

I definitely plan to wait until I am married and somewhat financially stable, but each passing month I want babies more and more. Even though I don't want babies yet, I still feel irrationally annoyed with my bf for not bringing us any closer to marriage or babies. We've talked and he wants that, too, but I feel like he might just waste my most fertile years and then not deliver.

No. 69829

Omg anon I feel this so hard
Almost five years with my bf, I’m 25 and he’s 29. If we had the money we’d already be married and have a kid because we know that’s what we want but money is tight and housing is impossibly expensive.

Rationally I know it’s a bad time but there’s no telling that to my hormonal brain. It wants babies right now. So sick of turning to cooing mush over friends babies

No. 69835

I like the idea of having a child, but I'm too terrified of the risk that the baby will be born with severe mental disabilities and then I'll be saddled for life with an enormous, joyless, emotionally and physically draining responsibility that I can't get rid of and is dependant on me 24/7 until I die. Anytime I get broody all I have to do is remember this and then I feel sick at the concept of getting pregnant. Anyone else like this?

No. 69836

im the same way.
ive had two kids already but leading up to them being born even with proper prenatal care and stuff i was still super fucking paranoid.
but im a depressed piece of shit. im still scared theyre going to end up like i am now. maybe they didnt end up retarded, but there is a chance theyll want to kill themselves on the reg

No. 69852

How you dealin' with that depression and kids? I'm pregnant and depressed as fuck. I feel like I'm going to be a failure.

No. 69855

long blogpostin sorry.

my first pregnancy was a fucking mess. no meds and after my c-section, i wanted to breatfeed so i fought through the post-partum depression to the point that i was ready to kill my baby because in some psychotic way, i felt like everything would magically be rainbows. but got on meds and therapy and worked through it.
so when i got pregnant the second time, i made sure to stay on a couple meds that were decently safe during pregnancy and made a plan with my psychiatrist as far as how dosage and stuff would change after birth. so overall working through pregnancy while addressing the depression and having a plan for afterwards helped

but as far as raising them, i cant sit here and tell you that just because i have some pills it was 10/10 no biggie. but i find that as they grow older, mistakes do happen. people have told me that from the start and i would brush it off, kind of like how people are like lol goodbye sleep. ok yea i get it. but really. there will be times where youll reflect on something you said or something you should have done and it wont feel good.

it sounds selfish, and i know that it is depression and shit just sucking energy and passion out of me, but there are days that i have to remind myself to make sure i spend some quality time with my kids. not just feed them, make sure homework is done, but nice non-routine stuff. even simple things like letting them pick dinner and if its dessert for dinner, sure. pick the movie, play a shit ton of board games, paint dads toenails while he naps.
when they were babies and toddlers, it really can be as simple as just sitting and singing with them.. sing with them while doing laundry or dishes. if i couldnt concentrate on getting shit cleaned up it was a cute reminder to have my kid tug on my shirt and sing a certain song and wed go through and pick up clothes or toys. ngl sort of irked the shit out of me some days cus all id want to do was wallow in how unfair depression is and how tired i was but i have these little people who look up to me for a kind word or touch. always remember, children love affection. hugs, holding hands crossing the road, a comforting backrub at nap time or during a cold, they all matter no matter how small it may seem to us. i give my kids random high fives and tell them how cool i think they are just because meanwhile inside i feel like a rotting slug

try and be easy on yourself. it sounds cliche but i have honestly never heard of a mother going into having kids thinking they got it 100% anxiety about parenting is normal, unfortunate, but if you have people around you who can help with baby when its time, absolutely use that. get a shower, watch a movie, just have a day to sleep away. those days make a difference

No. 69857

Thanks for the post. I'll try my best, but I want to breastfeed too, so I guess I'm fucked for anti-depressants? ugh

No. 70267


Old post but my consultant psychiatrist told me yesterday Certraline is considered safe for breastfeeding. Not ideal still obviously, but it’s an option.

No. 71281

Old post, but a couple years back I went with my friend to the mall because he wanted his ear pierced. We get to Piercing Pagoda and we’re stuck in line behind a mother and her baby. I can honestly say I have never heard a baby scream so loud in my lifetime. They weren’t like typical baby screams, they were blood curdling and wouldn’t stop. The mom was smiling like an idiot the whole and asking her friend to take pictures of her and the baby screaming in pain. I wanted to lunge at her.

No. 79380

Necroing this thread because I feel alone lel
I'm only 2 months pg but there's already so much I wish I could discuss with other people, but not the type who post on mom forums or shit like that. If any anons here have kids I would really appreciate your input. I would like an unbiased and unfiltered opinion on your experience giving birth tbh, given Every thing I've read online I'd like to go natural but I fear being stuck in unimaginable agony.. lots of stuff really if any anons are still active here who have been through it

No. 79385


Haven't been through it but I work at a maternity ward. What's up, anon?

No. 79388

Ahh, thank you for the reply! I guess I'm mostly just scared of the delivery, like all my plans are to go natural and even though I picture it hurting like absolute hell, I'm afraid the day will come and the pain will be beyond anything I imagined and I might leave it too late for pain relief. In your experience and your work, is going natural really worth it or do crunchy moms just toot their horn on it for brownie points? I have read that being active etc without an epidural means it's way faster too, I'm also terrified of fucking up breastfeeding at the start

No. 79391

I've got a 2 year old, so I could possibly answer some questions for you.

No. 79394

I'm same anon as >>79391
For me, when I lost my mucus plug and went into labor, the contractions weren't hard to handle at all. I lasted to 8cm before chickening out and asking for the epidural. My hospital also had wireless monitors I requested to use because walking around my room helped the pain and helped my cervix dilate faster.

No. 79455

Thanks anon. When you opted for the epidural was it because of the pain? I am always worried I'll accidentally leave it too late for the epidural and want it. I also have a fucking fear of catheters lmao. What was the hardest thing overall for you?

No. 84187

I can't stop thinking about having children. Is this just me, or is this normal? I can't tell. I look at the baby sections of websites, read baby product reviews, read baby subreddits, etc. I'm not married and not financially ready for a baby, so I can't have one yet, but i can't stop thinking about it.

No. 84198

It's cool, it's just hormones. Humans are animals after all, and at some point babies are suddenly the best and you feel like you have to have one NOW. It'll pass or at least get less pronounced.

No. 85277

Anything I can do to speed it up?

No. 85282

I want children, but I’m terrified of vomiting (both me and others doing it) from the moment of pregnancy I know it’s inevitable. Does anyone else struggle with this and how has it effected your parenting??

No. 85330

Eh, you’ll get over it when it’s your own kid.

No. 85331

i want one too but I'm afraid to give birth

No. 85332

that's not true i never got over it.

No. 85340

Kinda want to have a kid in the future but i really dont want to get married/be with a man.

No. 85350

How do you deal? Do you live in constant panic or just let your s/o deal with it when it happens?

No. 85368

well, when i got morning sickness it was terrible because i cry when i puke. not just tear up but full on cry. once the babby came and spitting up started, i got kind of bad. i would wash my hands and stuff immediately and immediately was any dirty clothes even if it was just a bib. my SO did deal with most of it when he was home. my kid is 8 now, and i've gotten a little better, it's easier when you just pull off clothes and they hop in a nice bubble bath. however one day when we came home he puked in our room and it seeped under our bed and i had like a panic attack. but luckily my hubby was there and cleaned it for me

No. 85441

> my SO did deal with most of it when he was home.
Christ if I was your SO, I’d make you pull your big girl pants on or go to therapy. What a nightmare. If my partner said he was too upset to clean up our kid’s sick, I’d honestly reconsider raising a child with him

No. 85444

anyone else here have an extreme fear of getting pregnant so wouldn't give birth to their own kid, but maybe wants to adopt? once i'm older and financially/mentally stable enough i feel like i would make a really good parent. my mom is a really amazing person and i think part of me just wants to give a child what i always had from her growing up

No. 85447

Surrogates exist. So do sperm banks, and adoption agencies. Jesus Christ, if you're a WLW but you want kids, don't expect us to do the bare minimum and Google for you.

No. 85451

When you actually are pregnant, you get over it. Labor and birth are inevitable at that point, so it's something you come to terms with rather than being afraid. At least, that's pretty much how it happened for me. I was actually terrified before I got pregnant.

No. 85455

I think anon was just thinking aloud and not looking for solutions.
As a side note, not all women (especially radfem) consider surrogacy ethical, so this might not be an option for anon.

No. 85479

I dont think im attracted to women either. Point is, we all know how kids with one parent do, they kind of need a mom and a dad (or two dads/two moms). Best case scenario for me would be to find a male friend who would be okay with raising the kid together while he saw other women on the side. Thats very unrealistic though. Im fine with staying childless.

No. 85493

Nta but lmao, get over yourself. You're talking about "big girl pants" and yet you don't seem to understand that "big grown up" relationships can have compromises like this.

I hate when people come in and say shit like "if it were me, I'd do this!" as if it somehow makes them a better person to self-fellate over how different they are than someone else.

No. 85513

Ok have fun cleaning up after a child and a man-baby, then. Compromises are different than a grown adult (responsible for a child) having a panic attack over some vomit.

No. 85516

must suck not having an s/o in your life willing to make compromises to help you out with things you struggle with anon, dont worry im sure you'll find that person some day…

No. 85538

Nice try. Healthy compromises are one thing. Hopeless parents are another. Feel bad for the kid, man.

No. 85539

Plenty of people have things they are weird about, and it's not uncommon in relationships for people to take care of one another. It's not like her SO did everything for her. It's a team effort.

No. 85856

Is anyone else panicking that they don't have much time to have kids? I'm in my early 20s and I'm terrified that I won't be in a position to start trying for kids until it's too late.

No. 85869

I'm panicking because I'm almost 26, my fiancee is almost 22, and I'm afraid when he decides he wants children, I'll be too old. I think I'll try talking to him about having one in another year.

No. 85879

I recently had a miscarriage 3 months ago. I was only 6 weeks so it’s not like it was a huge loss but it hurt me (emotionally) so bad. I’m only 22 and I keep wondering why it happened. I did everything I could to be healthy. I know I have awhile to become a parent because I’m only in my early 20s. But now I’m super fucking paranoid That if I wait until I’m older, my chances of miscarrying at higher. I’m also worried if I’ll even be able to conceive at all if I wait any longer. It’s harder Than I thought to get pregnant. I had to have sex every day during the week I tracked my ovulation and it took me two years of unprotected sex to get lucky. I was not keeping track of my ovulation the previous years, so I get that I could have been having sex whenever I wasn’t ovulating. But timing it and such is hard without The ovulation pee sticks. Idk. I’m just rambling here. I’ve been having bad baby fever lately and I haven’t gotten pregnant yet. It took two months for my period to return to normal.

No. 85882

Mothers, does your vagina really go back to normal after birth, in terms of tightness and sensitivity? How about the appearance down there in general?

No. 85884

Yes and no. It'll never feel the EXACT same as before (for you,) but as long as you do kegels, you'll be fine in the "tightness" department. And sensitivity is more or less the same for me also, just different? Mine kid's almost 3, so I imagine it only gets better with time.

No. 85886

(Samefag) Oh, and appearance wise, mine looks no different from before that I can tell. I doubt that's the same for everyone, though. I had a pretty easy delivery.

No. 85979

yes. idk what other anon is talking about. it's a muscle anon, so in fact it gets a bit tighter rather than loose. the myth that it gets loose is just some dumb meme perpetuated by idiot men.

No. 86977

Has anybody here done a FSH test (day 3 fertility test) and if so, how did it go? What, if anything, did you learn? Did anything change because of your results?

No. 94430

So, does anyone know how this story ended? Did she get the abortion after all? I hope for a happy end here, but it probably didn't happen, right?

No. 94433

I don't think she ever followed up. She might still be a poster but since we're all anon it's not like we'd know. For her, and the baby's, sake I hope she did get an abortion. It just didn't sound like she was in a stable state. Also, fuck that guy for trying to push her to keep the baby.

No. 94440

From those pastebin logs posted later in this thread, I gathered that she was quite active on 4chan, so maybe someone who frequents there would know how it ended. Yeah, the guy was an absolute scumbag. I feel really sorry for her, as she seems to be just another teenager who was groomed by these image board perverts since she way very young, and doesn't know any better.

No. 94587

Wow. So many baby killers here. I’m ashamed.(USER HAS BEEN PUT OUT TO PASTURE)

No. 94588

No. 94591

File: 1536357825349.jpeg (32.88 KB, 513x287, CF9DC7F0-BFDC-43FA-A489-2777A4…)

0/10 bait

No. 94605

I’m exactly the same anon. Newborn to like1.5yr is my utmost favorite time. I have severe abandonment issues so another living person needing and wanting me that much is so uplifting. No matter how you look smell, what your mood is (as long as you’re not negligent or abusive) they look at you looks no one else ever will. You are LITERALLY their whole world.

That being said, you don’t lose interest or love. It just changes. It becomes wonderful in whole new ways. Watching your child take on your best attributes and then developing their own is wonderous.

TLDR: I have a 11 month old and 10 yr old and it only gets better

No. 97559

Can anyone give me some insight into how difficult breastfeeding is? It seems like some people say it's OMG SO HARD and some mothers say it's OMG SO EASY and it's hard to tell what I should expect.

No. 97560

Too many variables to guess.
Some babies latch easily, some can’t. Some women produce milk well, some don’t. It’s just a case of try and see.

No. 97632

I think the most important is to give yourself time. The first month is often really hard, and that's when a lot of women give up. As long as the baby don't lose weight, you should try for 6 weeks (if you want to BF) and then see if it's still hard.

For me, it was really painful the first week. The second day was the absolute worst. But it was a great experience past 5 weeks. I didn't gave up because the only thing in my mind was "you're too tired to take any big decision, wait a few weeks and stick to the plan".

No. 98741

I'm a military spouce and I'm so fuckin tired of never having friends with no kids.
I didn't really grow up with a lot of young kids in the family so I never know how to deal with them. I find them annoying. Sometimes I just want to hang out with someone that I don't have to worry about their child too.
Every other thing I see in the groups online for spouces is about kids too.
>working retail for a couple years has also added to my resentment of children

No. 98742

So make friends with other childless couples instead of parents. That seems super obvious.

No. 98894

What gifts would be suitable for a new dad who doesn't live with the mother-to-be?
>inb4 nothing

No. 98895

Is he the sole parent? Anything for the baby.
Is he partially involved? Stuff to make visitation easier like cash for a car seat, pram, high chair, or cot, or again, general baby shit.

Socks, hats, bottle nipples, burp cloths, bibs, blankets, nappies, little bath tub, baby nail clippers and ear cleaners,a nice keepsake box, freezeable homecooked meals for him. Heaps of stuff really.

No. 98901

Asides from baby stuff like >>98895 said, I think it'd be nice to get him a little treat for himself too, like a nice bottle of liquor, or some other consumable/food thing if he doesn't drink.

No. 98902

Former mil-spouse, here. Wayyy easier said than done. It’s part of the military culture to be a young stay-at-home mom with either infants or multiple young children. Anything that has to do with military is literally revolving around mothers, families, and kids. There’s a lot of pressure on couples to procreate because “Tricare covers it. If you can’t afford food, just have the kid anyway and get on WIC and beg for cheap things and handouts in the yard sale groups.”


I completely empathize, anon.
There are groups you can join on Facebook that have fellow childfree households. It is also healthier to just make civilian friends outside of the military world. If you live on base, it often isolatss you from the normal civilian life and tends to take a toll on your emotional health. It really sucks.

No. 98904

You are allowed to socialise with non military wives. Leave the neighbourhood, go to a library or store, wow so many people who aren’t military wives.

No. 98907

Literally what I just said. In the second paragraph.

No. 98908

Was meant to link to the anon who was saying they don’t know how to meet non military wives. They
Spoke as though they were surprised that there’s loads of families and as though they weren’t able to meet other people.

No. 98928

Do military wives ever worry about their husbands?

No. 98995

10 months breastfeeding here, overall I've found it pretty easy. Your nips will probably be pretty sore at first, so get some cream to rub into them. My advice is to be patient with yourself and your baby; some babies find it really easy to latch and some don't, but it's worth persevering. Don't be afraid to ask for help! Honestly the bit I struggled with the most was being constantly touched, no matter how tired or fed up I was - babies feed a ton as newborns, so being sucked on pretty much all day sometimes was a bit overwhelming.

No. 99098

I have another month of pregnancy to go and I feel terrible for being so impatient. It's so hard to function or move and we are just essentially living in wait. We couldn't possibly be more ecstatic about our baby but I think my lack of patience is actually depressing me.

No. 99163

File: 1540264911636.jpeg (45.43 KB, 720x762, 2C036B55-7E9B-4723-A59D-646D53…)

Who here /infertile/?

>tfw saved our whole adult lives to have kids

>have house, investment property, $200k+ In liquid assets with 6 figure jobs
>turned 30 this year and realized I have stage 4 endometriosis
>single moms on welfare popping out 4 kids and I’m bitter as fuck old hag about it

How the fuck do I become degenerate child free couple? I hate traveling.

No. 99165

You sound like you're well off enough to get around giving birth. Why don't you use other reproductive measures that still use your own egg? You still get to keep a rockin body too.

No. 99166

You sound like you're well off enough to get around giving birth. Why don't you use other reproductive measures that still use your own egg? You still get to keep a rockin body too.

No. 99167

You sound like you're well off enough to get around giving birth. Why don't you use other reproductive measures that still use your own egg? You still get to keep a rockin body too.

No. 99170

Well I wanted to write a sympathetic and helpful post until I got to the end. You didn't have to call child free people 'degenerate', what the fuck?

No. 99171

There is IVF and surrogacy, its loads cheaper if you get it done in another country. And you can start with fertility treatments too.

No. 99175

I posted about this situation in /ot/ before but I thought about posting it in this thread because it is relevant and I wanted to get a perspective to see if I’m crazy or am I surrounded by crazy people.

Basically, still live at home with parents. My friend lives with us too. Friend is kinda an autistic weeb but at least she means well, and I’ve known her awhile so I can trust her. Friend has a younger sister who is a vapid dumbass. Sister decided, while high on coke, to have a baby with her abusive boyfriend because she thought they would make a cute kid.

At the beginning of the month, she finally realizes that her baby daddy is a piece of shit and starts living at our house. Initially, it was supposed to be for two weeks or so. But now she’s gonna be here till Thanksgiving? She was supposed to go to Texas to be with her father but idk what’s going on with that.

In the meantime, she has taken over my room entirely (because I had the most space in my room) and hasn’t even bothered to say “thank you” to me for doing so. I have no personal space. Her baby cries a lot. Now, I do love kids and I hope to be a parent one day but I realize now is not the time for that. I don’t want to share a space with a baby. Period. I work and I’m going back to school in January. I just want peace and quiet when I’m home but I’m sure not going to get it with this bitch around (especially since I have a hunch that she’s gonna get back together with her baby daddy sooner or later).

Like am I being an asshole for not being okay with this set up? My mom acts like I’m this big child hater for not wanting to share a space with an infant. My aunt (who also lives with us) wanted the sister and baby to move in with us and I straight up told her that if she does, I’m fucking leaving. I feel like my mom and aunt’s baby fever is so big (plus my aunt’s giant savior complex) is so big, that they’re willing to defy common sense and the concern of their actual relative over some bitch who’s not even related to us. I know I sound dramatic when I say this, but it hurts. It really fucking hurts.

No. 99178

My mum has baby fever over my brothers kid, he's not even with the mother. He had to get a restraining order but my mom has her and the child stay in my old bedroom and my brother has been denied access to his kid. My mom and step dad habe essentially abandoned their son to raise his child with the crazy mother. My mom keeps texting us photos of the baby saying uwu so cute but not addressing the fact my brother is being denied a bond with his child. Logic goes out the window it seems with babies

No. 99181

File: 1540280054761.png (40.02 KB, 381x507, 36FC7025-3E30-42FA-821B-995125…)

I’ve watched all the infertility movies on Netflix and they always spend all their money and fail kek. I’m supposed to be making appointments for a lacroscopy but I’m too depressed and making it worse by wasting time.

How is childfree not the most degenerate shit ever?

No. 99182

Because not every wants or has children. Child free doesn't necessarily mean someone dislikes children. Someone I know has had lots of issues trying to conceive and has been told it wont ever happen for her - she uses the term child free. How is that degenerate? Unless you're referring to the militant 'I HATE KIDS' type, which even then you should probably just focus on your own life and realise the fact people have different wants/needs/likes/dislike. Some people love kids, some people hate them, some want them, some don't. Simple.

No. 99183

There are a lot of bad parents who should not have had children.

No. 99184

Do you have even the first idea what degenerate means or do you just parrot /pol/ garbage like a tradthot fishing for asspats? You should go back to 4chan, or not since they'll call you a degenerate old hag who should have expected infertility from waiting til you're 30 anyway. And you think you have the right to judge other women for making practical choices for themselves kek, I guess only you can make decisions based on how stable and ready for parenting you are, right?

No. 99186

Wow. Like I too am trying to get pregnant, but reading you badmouthing every woman who has decided against having children for her own reasons really makes me dislike you.
Like wtf, let people do whatever they feel is the right thing to do. They're not hurting anyone.

No. 99188

Some of the childfree crowd get a bit much with their terms like crotchfruit and mombies but calling them degenerate is a bit much.

Some of them are rude but not wanting kids on itself isn’t degenerate or anything similar. Better they freely choose to not have kids than have ones they resent.

No. 99202

The only reason people with kids get upset over other adults not having kids is because it's not acceptable to hate and regret your kids, even casually/"jokingly", so instead of wishing them away/groaning about how they should have kept their legs closed they have to shit on everyone who didn't make that same mistake. It's like they resent you for not being as careless as they were, but they can't admit it so they have to act like it's everyone's shared responsibility to have kids. This way they get to watch others be as miserable as them.

No. 99214

>Implying that everyone who has kids was a dumb slut who got knocked up/knocked someone up on accident
The fuck?

No. 99223

she's not saying that. she was saying that not everyone who has kids thinks everyone else should, but the ones who do clearly had them on accident.

No. 99243

I think it's better you don't have kids :)

No. 99244

I think it's better this anon is infertile, who knows what she would be teaching her kids

No. 99247

I wouldn't wish infertility on anyone, but yeah, with an attitude that shitty she's probably best not having kids. The apple never falls too far from the tree.

No. 99257

Let's get back on topic.
My husband and I have been trying for around 18 months now, without any success. Started seeing a specialised fertility doctor instead of a normal obgyn in September and did all kinds of tests over the last two months:
>tubes are clear (did hysterosalpingography)
>husband's sperm is not 12/10 sperm, but absolutely sufficient to get the job done
>my vagina does also not make sperm immobile (no idea what this is called in English, sorry)
So it's not the typical stuff, however we did the postcoital intrauterine sperm rise test (what a long name), to see how much sperm had made it to the uterus, and it was very little and most of it didn't move. So we think we'll start doing IUI, where they place only good sperm right inside the uterus. Has anyone done this before? For the hysterosalpingography I had contrast fluid put into my uterus and this shit hurt, can I expect IUI to be around the same? I'm also not really looking forward to the cost when the chance of pregnancy is still kind of bad (14% at my clinic for my age-group).

All this shit makes me think two things:
1) I wish I'd pushed more for wanting to start trying getting pregnant a few years back
2) Why did I pay for birth control for so many years when I can't seem to get pregnant anyways?
So frustrating.

No. 99279

I hope the best for you anon. It sounds like a lot of appointments, testing, and trial. If it makes you feel any better, I was born with MRKH. My husband wants a couple of kids but I'll never be able to even consider fertility treatments since I don't even have the working parts to begin with. Adoption is always an option, but we have no money. You guys could maybe consider it though if the fertility specialist isn't an option anymore. There's also a possibility of having a surrogate with your egg and his sperm if the price is better.

No. 99282

Thank you anon, beautifully written.

No. 99284

If you guys don't have any money, then why consider kids anyway? You know that biological children cost A LOT of money, not only adopted ones, right?

No. 99287

I think I’m the kind of person who wouldn’t really be a great parent, I’d be okay if my sisters have kids and I just help out and stuff. I have a super weak stomach and I don’t know if I could get past that even for a baby I would obviously love and need to protect and care for. I didn’t have a bad upbringing but it was obvious sometimes that my mum didn’t exactly plan to have kids at first and it just kind of happened, so even if I got lucky with her I’d worry I’d be the kind of mother who’s too distant and uncaring. Basically I like the idea of the nice, cute kid things but I don’t think I like any of it enough to get past the things I don’t like. It might be something I grow into, I’m only in my early 20s, but I think it just might not be the thing for me.

Either way though I have a really messed up womb and cervix and other physical health issues that mean I wouldn’t be the one giving birth. I’ve had a few people before tell me the usual “degenerate, contributes nothing to society, missing out on the only true happiness” remarks before from people so at least one thing I have going for me is that I know I have time to decide, I’m not racing against any kind of clock and don’t have to hope that my body can do it without expensive treatments or anything.

No. 99298

Is this the right place to put this? Y’all are over here talking about how 30 is super infertile and I’m just a couple years shy of that.

My boyfriend is a nurse and he begs to differ about the infertility thing, but idk I don’t really want to hear it from him.

Does it really get harder to get pregnant and have kids in your late 20’s to 30’s?

No. 99299

I think it depends on the person and their genetics. My mom had me when she was 35 with one try lmao, and her mother had her at 39 accidentally.
Look into the fertility of the women in your family I'd say.

No. 99313

My ex's mom had her youngest daughter (she is now 9) when she was 39. My mom was born when her mother was around early to mid 40s. My male cousin who is in his early 40s had a daughter with his wife who is also the same age.
I think genetics are the things that matter; some people can conceive easily at a later age while others can't.

No. 99314

my mom had me when she was 30. 3 years later she gave birth to my sister. she had her menopause when she was in her mid 40's. it totally depends on your body anon. work with a doctor you actually trust when you're trying to have a baby. best of luck.

No. 99316

People itt are exaggerating. You'll be fine. My mom had my brother at 45, my grandma had my aunt at 47 or something. Genetics are a factor but in your 30s? That's a fine age.

No. 99324

I was always a little skeptical about the "biological clock ticking" until now. I recently got married and I can't stop thinking about having children of my own. I always thought I might end up childless b/c it didn't quite interest me before, but lately I feel like I'm up for it. I think about how my family has always been important to me and I guess it makes sense that now I want to start my own family.

I'm still nervous though. I want to get some more traveling done first before I settle down with a kid. I was put off the idea of children throughout my early 20s b/c I didn't want to end up resenting the kid and feel like I was missing out. That wouldn't be fair to them. I'll be 27 soon though so I need to get a move on everything.

No. 99330

Where do you want to go? Book that trip with your husband and talk about starting to try for a child during the trip.

No. 99347

Go now! We're going to a place we've always wanted to go before we continue treatment. :)

It is not as bad as people here tend to put it, but usually declines steeply after 35. Look into your family history and ask your doctor.

We're interracial in a monoracial society, so not sure about adoption. Plus children put up for adoption are often still not in foster homes but orphanages, which can lead to all kind of shit. And I think surrogate pregnancy is illegal. So yeah.

No. 99377

Unless you know you have some condition that affects fertility, I'd say go travel now. 27 is still young. Having a kid at 28-30 is the norm now, very few people have problems at that age.

No. 99380

No. 99382

Ugh, sorry about the double post. Hit Reply by accident.

I'm thinking either Japan or France. I've always wanted to see Paris even if the reality ends up disappointing me, haha. But I want to live out my weeaboo fantasy in Japan too.

Luckily my husband and I have already been talking about kids and he's for it. Basically we'll try to get at least one big trip out of the way and then start planning for a baby.

No. 99389

Yeah don't go to Paris seriously, baguette here and I must tell you it's not worth it at all. There are tons of nice, historical and cool place in France much safer and cheaper. Mail me if you want to ask anything !

No. 99608



This article might put you at ease. The real drop off point is 40 onwards. But the majority of women aged 35-40 (around 80%) will be able to conceive naturally within a year of trying.

I understand the fears, I used to have them a lot myself after reading the rhetoric online but a lot of it is misguided or purposely false (to scare women into believing they can't wait) Also it's good to bear in mind men account for about half of infertility cases, so even though the blame is often put on women it's just as likely to be a problem with their partner.

No. 99981

Can anons who have pushed children out of their vaginas please tell me about your experience because it's my turn soon

No. 99986

I gave birth at 38 weeks. How it was, tw: I had diarrhea at 8pm, at 11pm light contractions started, at 2am my bloody show began. It was like light period. I went to the hospital in the morning and they made my documents and shaved me down there. I was dilated about 1-2cm. At 2pm the real contractions started, at 4pm they were starting to be unbearable like I was in so much pain I had to scream and cry, it was exhausting. At around 8pm they put me on a gyno table. At this point I was screaming like crazy. The doctor broke my water and gave me an episiotomy after local anesthesia. They started saying I should push like when you poop and so I did. When the baby was out I finally had relief from the horrible contractions. But when they sew me I felt that ugh. I spent the night in that same room, I was bleeding a lot, which is normal. Also they gave me a bucket to pee in. It was stinging at first. Recovery was quick, it hurt to sit tho and from the uterus contracting back to it's original size.

No. 99995

I was induced. 1/10, would not recommend it. The pain was alright, but I had a bad reaction to the product they used (should have told them I can't take any hormonal contraceptive). I was cold, I threw up so many times and was feeling just bad. Didn't have any contractions (later they told me the cervix was opening because only the cervix responded to the product). Btw you can feel with your hands contractions, your belly just becomes super hard, shrinks a little and you can't feel the baby anymore. Plus it hurts, but it's not 100% pain at the begining. You begin with maybe 20% of the total pain you will feel and it gradually worsen till you are at 100%, and then it stops you can rest for a few minutes.
I tried to tell them I wasn't feeling right (already had "real" contractions before) but I was told "what did you think labor was like ?" and they left me alone. My husband arrived maybe 1 hour later (I was already at hospital). So I felt like shit until they though my cervix was opened enough and the labor really started and they removed the fking product. Then it was a great experience even with the pain. I finally had real contractions. Then I had epidural and could sleep when I didn't have any contractions (that means every 1m30 for 30second) because I was fucking tired even if the first phase only took 4 hours. My water didn't broke till the end (I asked them to not break it till last minute). It was easy to push for me. I had the lowest setting of epidural, so I could still feel a little pain and move my legs. It was easier to sync with the pain to push (idk how to explain it). Then I felt a hard thing smacking my pubis bone from the inside, my midwife pierced my waters and 2 push later baby was born. I was induced at 8 AM and baby was born at 5PM.
Then I had skin to skin time with the baby. It was wonderful till the next day/sometime in the night. I had super painful post partum contractions, that nobody told me about because they are usually light for first time moms. They hurt way more than labor but were shorter. I did tear but nothing much (didn't feel it at all during nor after and had one unnecessary stitch), recovery would have been perfect if I had not caught a staphylococcus in hospital.

I did not want to be induced, and should have listened to my gut feeling more. Hope it helps you !

No. 99996

Also induced, at 40+3. Went into hospital at 9am, had a hormone pessary thing inserted at 12pm, contractions started at 11pm and was removed by midnight because they were coming every 30 seconds within about 10 minutes and honestly I couldn't cope. Next day I went up to delivery suite, had an oxytocin drip fitted, then had my waters broken at 3pm. By 5pm I had gone from 2-4cm and I was losing it a bit because it was so painful. (Not to freak you out, my pain threshold is really poor and induced labour hurts loads more because it happens way faster than natural!) I had a non-opiate epidural and quickly I couldn't feel anything. Honestly I lay there covered by a blanket relaxing on my side until about 10pm, getting my epidural topped up every hour, then the midwife checked me and said I was fully dilated. Waited about an hour for the epidural to wear off so I could feel what I was doing again and then pushed! My head was so into getting my baby out then I genuinely don't remember feeling any pain, and after 45mins she was born. 2 minor labial tears, 1 needed stitches but again didn't feel it because so out of it. Contractions were started again via drip to get the placenta out, but that delivered quite quickly. Bled quite a lot but no haemorrhage or anything. Feeling your belly straight after is super weird, because it's still really big after but it's like soft and jelly-like?

Idk I hope that's helpful. Just ask if you have any questions!

No. 99997

Samefag but when you go to pee after giving birth wet a flannel with warm water and hold it on yourself (so you piss into it basically). It takes the sting way down. Also in the weeks after birth you'll lose all the stuff that's been inside you for months, it's called lochia, and you'll probably get post-partum contractions during this time. No one told me about all this and I was so unprepared.

No. 100009

File: 1541207508389.png (26.72 KB, 657x466, desire family size.PNG)

So here's one study that examines your likelihood of reaching your desired family size based on age and ivf use.

No. 100026

The day I went into labor, (40 weeks exactly,) I felt light contractions all morning. A few hours after I lost my mucus plug, we went to the hospital where I asked for a wireless monitor because walking around the room helped tremendously with the pain and also helps you dilate quicker. When I was about 8cm, I got the epidural I asked for. It didn't take completely and I could actually still feel contractions and my legs somewhat, so the anesthesiologist gave me an extra shot of lidocaine. The pain from contractions wasn't bad at all before I got the epidural, but I was definitely scared of how it would feel when the baby came out, so that's why I opted for the drugs. I pushed and the doctor had to make a small incision because I wasn't stretching enough.

All in all, I was only in the hospital for 7 hours before my son popped out. After they laid him on my chest to breastfeed and bond, they took him to get washed up and a nurse wheelchaired me into a bathroom. She told me I had to pee or they'd catheter me for whatever reason. Then, I was wheeled into my actual room. I ended up staying in the hospital for 4 days, but only 2 days are mandatory where I live. I just happened to go in on a weekend. You'll be fine, OP. I was scared too until I realized that it'd be in the past, just a story one day, and I'd forget all about the pain. Of course, it wasn't that bad for me to begin with. I can think of worse that I've experienced.

No. 100031

File: 1541235912806.gif (256 KB, 500x378, fuckyes.gif)

I just want to post somewhere. I just had my tubal ligation surgery recently and Im so excited!

No more anxiety and paranoia about getting accidentally pregnant

Also im young (23) and was so surprised when i didnt have any pushback from doctors

No. 100043

I mean, this could've been posted in the bragging thread. As it is, you're coming across as extremely condescending towards pregnant anons or anons with kids. Anyway, being that young, I'm also surprised you didn't have doctors refuse/try to talk you out of it.

No. 100055

I was trying to find the bragging thread but couldn't find it. I saw some talk about CF up thread so I thought it wasnt extremely off topic.

I dont hate kids or mothers so I have no issues with the girls in this thread. I'm all for women having choices and I wish everyone the best. Whether they dream of a family or being childfree.

No. 100057


>Yay, I won't accidentally bring an unplanned life into the world!


Settle the fuck down, anon. This is a baby general, not all posts are going to be about wanting a biological child.

No. 100058

I don't think you were bragging anon, and I am the person who is pregnant and requested delivery stories just before you. I'm glad you didn't get a huge pushback like a ton of young women always do. I would like a similar procedure after this baby but they probably won't do it. I am happy for you!


Thank you so much for all your responses!! Tbh my biggest worries are a) needing to be induced and b) tearing/needing an episiotomy. Also shout out for "piss into a washcloth" because that is the candid advice that nobody tells you that I absolutely need to hear. Never even heard of post partum contractions either. You are all the best.

No. 100065

You have the right to refuse episiotomy. It heals way worse than a tear tbh, and 90% of the time is unnecessary. It's only conveniant for the medical staff. You can refuse unnecessary cevix checks too, that's how I got my super hospital infection (I'm >>99995 )and you can refuse to be induced. It's really hard, because they will most of the time pressure you but when you're under 35, except few really rare cases, you can exceed your due date for 1 or 2 weeks without any problem. And then be induced if the baby really won't come out. Plus they can get your due date wrong up to two weeks. Stress really delays labor too, so try to keep calm, do what you love, have plenty of sex 'cause you won't have any for at least two months and don't forget you can turn off you phone so you won't be harrassed by concerned family/friends. Don't let people (medical staff too) belittle you because it's your first. Advices are really useful so listen to them but you know your body best. You can do it ! The baby could came in so it will get out somehow !

About real advices, I'd say ask for a small basin when you have your baby and are in a hospital room. If your boobs hurts (they will) and get full of milk, you just fill the basin with hot water, put it on a table, bend over and soak your boob(s) in. Looks ridiculous but worked way better than a hot shower at least for me. There's something with the position that really helped plus thank god for hot water.

No. 100074

Interesting, my mother had 4 kids and I was her first child at 30

No. 100077

Another thing you should know, the nurses might give you a massage. :) AKA smash your stomach in with their fists to make sure your uterus is contracting back into it's regular size. No one told me about it, so I was like 'wtf' when my nurse came in talking about a massage.

No. 100116

Mine told me to massage it with pressure for two hours. When they did it they put more pressure and it hurt ._.
Btw I recommend buying stool softener/laxative safe for breastfeeding, as stools may be difficult to pass, especially with tears or episiotomy

No. 100122

it's called a fundal massage and it prevents postpartum hemorrhage. they're not doing it to hurt you, they don't want to see you bleeding out and dying.

No. 100123

Love you anon. Its not only our first baby but I'm also what they'd consider young (they often mistake me for an accidental teen mom before realising I'm married and had 2 losses before this) and so they tend not to take me seriously. I have always had a hard time standing up to doctors etc so I genuinely screenshot your comment to remind myself. The thing is as soon as they bring the baby into it (e.g if they just said an episiotomy is better for the baby without any actual reasoning behind jt) I'd freak a bit and let them do whatever. For God's sake the last time I had a stay in there they KEPT trying to put an antibiotic I am allergic to into my IV because nobody was listening to me or checking my shit. They also got me, at like 25 weeks pregnant, mixed up with the other woman in the room who was going to get her tubes tied and tried to tell me I had to fast for the day. Theyre useless.

Also god yes to turning off phone to avoid everyone constantly asking where the baby is. I thankfully keep a very small circle and we only keep in touch with immediate family on my side and even that is a bit much sometimes. Turning off my phone to become unreachable will always be one of life's greatest pleasures tbh.

I will definitely take the boob advice also, I never understood how a shower should help much with that type of pain. I will basin the fuck out of my boobs.

Regarding this massage scenario honestly I welcome someone squishing everything down a bit, does it make you feel somewhat less bloated? Cause I can't wait to feel like I can move again. My mom also nearly died from pp haemorrhaging so I guess I'm automatically open to whatever they suggest to prevent that.

I guess I've decided to go with a tear rather than episiotomy, after reading about it and reading these comments. I absolutely know it's one or the other for me because the back part of my vag And the skin around it is ridiculously tight and is a problem even during sex sometimes.
I've been watching videos and I still can't get over how gigantic babies heads are. Big props to you anon moms who have done this because honestly like how. Babies are the epitome of big head energy

No. 100125

No. 100137

Glad to be of help anon ! Ask your husband to protect you from any scalpel wearing person and insist a lot that you don't want an episiotomy. Legitimate defence apply if your husband punch the doctor who wants to cut you (in my country at least). Mail me if you want to talk sometime ! And my vag was super tight too (painful to during sex) and I had only a minor tear because baby was born with a hand on her shoulder. Maybe you will tear, but maybe not !

No. 100148

I can’t stand women who think that because they are giving birth they are experts on the process and can just choose to refuse uncomfortable parts.
Refusing induction, or acting like the fundal massage is just nurses being mean, refusing shots, or just straight up deciding that giving birth in their dirty couch with the cats present is somehow better than having immediate access to emergency care. They’re usually the same ignorant hippies who keep the placenta attatched and give the kid an amber necklace instead of pain relief during teething. They always say ‘it’s the most natural thing in the world the body knows what to do’ as though women didn’t die in childbirth all the time prior to modern medicine.

No. 100153

Tbh I hope this wasn't aimed at us above you because I do agree with you. Anyone sane won't try to refuse an induction if baby is in distress or if it passes 2 weeks, also I don't think anons were saying the fungal massage were mean, just that the name is a bit misleading when the procedure feels like you're being punched and they don't really tell you beforehand that it's a part of the process. (I sure didn't know)

I completely agree, a lot of women's attitudes towards it are so reckless. For many of them it's because they had a bad experience the first time which I'm sympathetic towards but Jesus the liberty some of them take with this process is insane. I can't imagine the people who refuse the necessary shots and medical care, it's just wildly irresponsible. You can't have a child with modern day life expectations and standards of health without the modern day procedures and precautions we took to get here ffs. There's a huge number of people into the whole empowered birth free birth home birth thing who take it completely into their own hands, and have breech babies, nuchal cord babies, posterior babies, at home vaginally against all recommendations. These people always talk about how they want ~my experience~ to be perfect, ~My birth~, always about them before you hear them mention the baby tbh. And a growing number of women refusing all medical assistance such as regular check ups and scans throughout– resulting in "surprise twins" or even women having anterior placenta without finding out which can fucking kill you both. Completely agree that too many of these crunchy nutcases don't take it seriously enough that this is an event that killed and still kills a lot of women. The same women tend to look down their nose at anyone who opts for ~unnatural pain relief~ or doesnt/can't breastfeed. A lot of these crunchy new age inspiring birth Instagram accounts post straight up dangerous info about this stuff too and encourage women to go ahead with it. A lot of OBs in the comments point out how irresponsible that is but more and more people are following the trend

Uh can you just come with me to have the baby please?? Lmao i would love to message you tbh. I'm afraid I'll take a look afterwards and all my stitches and also haemorrhoids will just fall out and I'll turn inside out.

No. 100154

Lmao fundal massage not fungal massage autocorrect, gross

No. 100172

Not at anyone here, insane women I know.
One seriously ranted about how the doctors removed the placenta after she couldn’t physically push it out, instead of letting it stay there til she was ready and it had started an infection.
Another says hospital births are a money making scheme despite living in a country with socialised healthcare. Women who outright try and refuse things like the fundal massage even after an explanation. It’s like they inexplicably think that their body became magical during pregnancy and can’t suffer injury or illness due to it being natural. Not even crystal waving hippies, just really ignorant and really contrarian because a Facebook image told them something that sounds nicer than medical fact.

No. 100183

Thats' ridiculous. What were they supposed to do ? Let the placenta in provoque a septis ? Does she knows the uterus retracts ?

Here you go !

No. 100197

I only got induced because my baby stopped growing at 37 weeks and they were concerned that it might become an issue. If they try to induce you and don't give you any reason why, you can refuse. 42 weeks of pregnancy is totally normal and common! As the other anon said, you can also refuse an episiotomy, and I probably would because tears heal faster/better. (Obviously if doctor says it's life or death then I would have one but otherwise no.) Another tip I was given is to put your maternity towels in the freezer; you can make it even more soothing by putting some aloe Vera gel on them.

No. 100198

I agree with you anon. I heard many irresponsible things from mothers while pregnant and it's scary to think that they're willing to risk their child's life for the sake of…? Especially with vaccinations. They shouldn't be optional.

No. 100204

Anyone who’s willing to put their comfort or their sense of self righteousness above the safety of their baby is unfit to be a mother, and yet here we are letting these women walk out of the hospital with the baby she’s already delegated into being an accessory to her ego.
The same women are often the ones driving a military assault vehicle, drinking a coffee on the way to get her hair dyed, but won’t give their teething baby some bonjela because it’s not natural.
Kid ends up with months of pain and an amber bead necklace while mum bitches about her kid and says ‘oh the terrible twos!’ As if she’s not a neglectful sow.

No. 100218

>thinks modern medicine is a scam, deciding home birth, keeping placenta attached, kids with amber necklaces
Is this the stereotype of an antivax mom? Because my sister-in-law does all of those things, and it's horrifying to think that she's not going to vaccinate my nieces. She already gives them diets that "the doctor doesn't recommend, but they're compatible with their astrological signs" and admitted to me in confidence that she takes them to playdates and lies if they have a cold that way "they give their antibodies to their friends by getting sick too." I have no knowledge of parenthood stuff. I thought it was weird, but it was just a fun spin on motherhood or something, and the alt-mom activities would go out the window if the kids' safety is on the line, but she may really believe this stuff..

No. 100226

Your sister is a terrible person, and a terrible mother and she should not be allowed to make decisions for those children.
Vaccinate them against her wishes and report her for deliberate malnutrition. Hopefully she can’t have any more and the ones she has will go to some relative of yours who isn’t retarded.

Bet her diet doesn’t match her astrological sign and she eats whatever she wants. People like that use woo as a screen for being controlling freakish monsters. Sorry you’re related to it.

No. 100230

It's my husband's sister, so I'm not really itching to get involved as a technical outsider. If it were my own sister, I'd be bitching up a storm at her. She's apparently the "new sign" that they discovered a few years ago, "But that doesn't count, and I identify with my old sign more" I tried bringing up the homeopathy with my husband and my husband's brother, but they think that it's just her being quirky. I'll just try to be there for my nieces when they get older. I'm already planning on helping them with their college/work fund, so taking them to doctor visits and being there for support won't be too much farther down the line.
Saged for getting off-topic about relatives and pseudoscience. Sorry, just seeing other moms vent reminded me of it.

No. 100232

You’re ridiculously good for planning on helping them build futures. It must be awful to have to watch without being able to change it despite offering the facts. Comforting to know kids like that have relatives who will try for them.

Honestly organic mommies are the worst. There’s too many women getting pregnant and suddenly deciding they are more qualified than healthcare providers because ~muh maternal instinct~
Measles is a thing we have to worry about again in my area, plus whooping cough and shit. I get that mothers get shat on for that being their main role but the increase in mothers who think that birth made them some sort of demi-god is disturbing.

No. 100233

File: 1541463765463.jpg (703.19 KB, 1080x2158, Screenshot_20181105-182315_Sam…)

Ophiucus is actually a constellation, not an astrological sign. Sage for zodiac sperg

No. 100235

Yay I will message you soon!

I don't know how you have the patience not to snap at your sister, anon. I wouldn't be able to handle that shit.
Ah nevermind. I see. Really lovely of you to be thinking of those kiddos and open to supporting them.

There's a huge community of these crunchy moms on Instagram of all places spreading real misinformation and conceited, damaging bullshit to look hippy and new age and woke and spiritual and cool. There is a famous instagrammer with 2 daughters who is like this and I was actually friends with her on Facebook until she started praising KVD for being a "smart lady" by her decision not to vaccinate. That was just too much for me to even hate-view her stuff. Also a huge concentration of Australian mothers in these kind of almost cults posting total bullshit and completely dismissing any criticism or you know, factual information.

Unfortunately lads none of us will be woke spiritual divine feminine motherwomyn because we won't put Amber necklaces on our children or breastfeed them until they are 14. I won't be able to brag about my all natural orgasmic birth in a tent where I practised sacred ululating, and my children won't be brought up on a raw vegan unschooled lifestyle. Poo.

No. 100239

Can’t belive I’ve been feeding kids protein and not letting ear infections run their course like an asshole. Constant pain is great for children’s mental health.

A family friends mother is huge in the Australian anti vaccination movement. She hosts goddamn conventions for them to pay each other’s asses over measles coming back with aggression. She literally believes in some massive profiteering conspiracy to give everyone autism and and collect payment for it and her adult son swears that people are after her in some Illuminati-esque government conspiracy way. You don’t pay for kids vaccinations here. That’s the real kicker.
Told the dude that the study it’s all based off was admitted as fraud and he didn’t want to hear it. There’s no helping folk like that.

The really bothersome part is that it’s a mother preying on other mothers to harm their children because they think their midwives and nurses are secretly really high paid and just malicious, not some of the most hardworking and underpaid people in the nation.

No. 100242

amber necklaces are so common, sister put them on her nephew just because she "heard from facebook that it works"
i understand that birth in some aspects has been overly medicalized and in some cases it is best to look into alternative birthing methods like birthing centers, midwives, water births, etc. but social media has made certain people more vulnerable and gullible than ever.

No. 100243

Amber necklaces are a literal strangulation hazard if they don't break and choking hazard if they do. They look as ridiculous on infants as pierced ears. The chemical that comes off of amber only works if the amber is heated to insane temperatures, which is good because the chemical is also a skin irritant. I hate them so much, and I hate how popular they are.

No. 100244

I was once casually discussing cosleeping with my uncle's wife – to me because we have prepared an actual co sleeper cot, personally I would never sleep with the baby in the bed at all with us. I didn't say that though, she kind of dove into the conversation by saying "cosleeping is great because your natural instinct won't let you roll onto the baby" and my jaw nearly hit the floor? How can you be so idealistic and irresponsible to believe that? As if plenty of babies haven't died from tragic situations being in the same bed as their parents. Huge yikes moment.
Also the main thing I don't get is why nobody wants to listen ever when you tell them that entire study was bullshit to the nth degree, like hahaha how the fuck do they even believe it at all

This is phrased really well. It's like the motherhood version of doing a juice cleanse or something – no idea what supposedly physically happens but I saw it on fb so it must be a thing! CleaNsiNg mY tOxiNs!!

Literally this. Your child would have to be on fucking fire, Stacey.

No. 100245

Not gonna lie, but I can honestly see them getting behind occasional fire baths as a way to naturally cleanse bacteria. Like if someone brought it up as a joke, they'd seriously consider it.

No. 100247

Facebook and Instagram shills have literally got them convinced that they become magical and instinctually perfect at motherhood because it’s more pleasant that finding out that parenting is hard and that babies require more planning and expertise than ‘cute I want one too’.

If someone is so easily misled that they can be fooled into hurting their child they should not be considered competent to have a child at all.

No. 100266

To be fair, pregnancy/motherhood have some instinctive parts. Sometime I just turn around for no reason because I feel something is wrong, and stop my 18mo from doing something dangerous. Same for pregnancy. Never happend to me, but I had a friend who felt her baby was in danger, got brushed off by her doctor went to the hospital anyway and a cesarian because the baby was suffering.

But I have no patience for parents who refuse to educate themselves. My mother was super proud to say "I've never took any class on birthing nor parenting !" when I was pregnant and tring to educate myself. And she was a terrible mom.

No. 100268

Actually co-sleeping is advocated in the UK because it does help babies sleep better. However there's a long list of guidelines you have to follow. I co-slept with my daughter from birth to 6 months with absolutely no problems. The parents that crush their child have usually failed to follow the guidelines in some way, and realistically tragedies happen no matter where/how babies sleep. Sad but true. If you're not comfortable doing it though, that's totally fine. I would never push it on someone else, it's their child and their choice and would never do it if medical professionals advised against it either.

No. 100274

Recently got pregnant and aborted at 6 weeks. My hormones have been outta whack and I’ve gained 20lbs that I can’t seem to get rid of. Might buy adderall and use that to straight starve myself, I feel like a whale and depressed as hell. Wanting to have my tubes tied (it was my 2nd abortion)

No. 100278

Lmao something my mom would say, when in fact grandma was the one doing all the work raising me. After raising her two daughters she's a super woman in my eyes. Now my mom is acting like I shouldn't have a kid before I'm 40 major eye roll. Guess she should've taken this advice instead, because she didn't want her social life to end when I came in the picture and she was 26

No. 100290

anon you had better be on the goddamn motherfucking phone scheduling a tubal litigation already. do it now before you have another "accident." you might not be so lucky next time.

No. 100295

I once heard that it isn't so much that the parenting classes or parenting books themselves makes you a better parent, but the type of person to take the initiative to learn to be a better parent is more likely to be a better parent.

No. 100296

That's so true. When you are asking yourself if you are (or will be) a good parent, remember the answer is in the question. No bad or abusive parent doubt themselves, they're sure they're perfect.

No. 100298

It might be easier to get an IUD. Also, are you sure that's all fat? It could be hormonal/water weight.

No. 100305

Oh you’re totally right that there are some maternal instincts, and I’ve made a point to never ignore a mother who says ‘something is wrong with my baby’ because each time I’ve heard it, its been meningitis, a broken arm, or a bad virus that needed IV rehydration and electrolyte replacement, respectively.
I’ve just got no tolerance for ones who claim that their instincts are better than doctors or that the moon will help ease colic because nostradamus said so. Your mum sounds like an idiot who just wants to control your pregnancy/parenting.

No. 100307

is it really this easy to get your tubes tied? my partner and i are almost 30 and don't want kids, i'd REALLY like to just sterilize myself instead of spending money on bc for the next 20 years.

No. 100319

Depends where you are from. I am in the UK and I've been laughed out of the doctor's office before for even suggesting I wanted one. I've been asking for about 8 years now. I'm 28 now and I'm going to go back when I'm 30. If the NHS wont allow me one (if it's still a thing over here by then!) then I will hopefully have had enough saved to get one with my own money. There's a subreddit with a whole list of doctors in the US that will offer the procedure to women under a certain age or without children. I'd highly suggest looking at that if you are definitely interested.

No. 100320

Getting your tubes tied is a bit more invasive than the other options. The easiest would be for your partner to get a vasectomy tbh. It's outpatient and quick. An IUD for you would be better. You can leave it in for years and it's also quicker and safer than getting your tubes tied.

No. 100476

Speaking of episiotomies, the doctors gave me one and thankfully I haven’t had complications from it. They didn’t really ask and they just kinda did it. My cousin, who teared during her birth, had more complications than I. I’m not trying to advocate for having one, but if it comes down to it, perhaps it can be okay?

No. 100490

Get your partner to do it, if you're sure it'll be longterm. Mine has just had his done - the failure rate for men is far less and the op is way less invasive for them too. Plus when you're in the UK they're really sexist about it, so as a woman you'll meet loads of resistance but as a man…

No. 100523

This really is good to know, it's good to have the info for all sides. It freaks me out a bit that they didn't really ask you, did they just anesthetise you and go for it? Glad it worked for you ♡

No. 100530

On the episiotomy question, I wanted to add that my sister-in-law was given a routine episiotomy but the midwife accidentally cut an artery and she ended up losing over a litre of blood and was unable to breastfeed afterwards. I am 11 weeks pregnant currently and think I will be staying away from one. I am practicing kegels and massaging the perineum with olive oil which is supposed to help reduce the severity of tearing. You can do some pelvic floor exercises as well to help with labour.

No. 101445

>breasts have grown suddenly 2 weeks before period is due
>Starting to have random nausea all the time

Never thought I'd have to get an abortion.

No. 101446

How late is your period? Usually your breasts don't grow that quickly if you're pregnant. Take a test first before stressing yourself out.

No. 101447

My period is due next week.

Once in a blue moon my breasts become a little sore a day or two before my period, but now they're a whole different cup size.
I'm feeling sick all the time too, and I can feel very mild cramps nearly all the time.

I'm screwed.
Going to call in when the clinic opens in a few hours. I don't know how to tell my boyfriend.

No. 101448

Have you even had a pregnancy test yet? There’s plenty around that can check before your period is due, there’s no point in stressing yourself out like this

No. 101450

Did one yesterday, but it came back negative.
I've read that it could be too early to tell (1 week until period).

I feel too different, I've never had symptoms like this before.

No. 101452

It’ll probably be too early for them to do anything at the clinic, but if it’s any consolation I’ve been pregnant twice and breasts changing to such a degree doesn’t really happen so early in pregnancy so you may just be in for a rough period

No. 101454

I really, really hope it's my period.
My nipples aren't any darker either, doesn't that usually happen?

Either way I've sent my form into the clinic.

No. 101455

i 2nd this. i had a scare a few months ago and it turns out it was a terrible period coupled with stress (work related) and i got more stressed out worrying i was pregnant. just make sure to watch for your period. it will be bittersweet…

No. 101458

I had a period that was late before, but I had to drink a ton of parsley tea to get it started.
Didn't have these symptoms though, I felt completely fine then with no changes.

No. 101478

yes, but it only happens waaay later in the pregnancy. Like 7m+

No. 101484

I really hope you're right.

Even so, I'm waiting for the clinic to get back to me for an appointment.

No. 101492

When I got pregnant, 4th day after the unprotected intercourse on the day I was still ovulating (miscalculated the calendar method), I had thick discharge that was the mucous plug forming. And my breast where like I got implants, they were bigger and hard. I did 2 pregnancy tests 5 days after my period was due, that came back positive. I cried and wanted an abortion but just couldn't imagine myself doing it and regretting it. Love my beautiful baby, glad I chosed to be his mommy, even if I have to put myself on the second place.

No. 101493

If you were really pregnant you wouldnt feel like shit a week before your expected period. Thats barely even enough time for your body to make the proper amount of hormones. Things like morning sickness and feeling gross and tired dont kick in for a majority of people until like week 6+ and a majority of people you see talk about feeling so sick were actively seeking to get pregnant and were hyper aware of anything to the point they chalk it up to pregnancy. (A fun game is to type in any kind of sickness or ailment to google and add “pregnant” to it and see all of the women desperate for two lines to show up on their pee stick. People will believe anything is a sign of pregnancy)

A good rule is, if you arent pregnant enough to get a positive result, you aren’t pregnant enough to have things like morning sickness. Boobs get bigger and smaller during both ovulation and periods, it doesnt necessarily mean you’re pregnant.

No. 101496

Just did one of those digital tests (it can tell from 1 week, I'd be at three) and it came back negative.

I've had the odd cramp, but I'm not sure if that's me mega-dosing on the parsley/black cohosh. I'm due any day now, so I'll try to relax. I know stress can cause all sorts of symptoms (even fake pregnancy one's apparently!)

Thank you ladies from keeping me from losing my head. I'm still going to go the clinic just to make sure, would it be a good idea to ask them to check my hormones?
>Inb4 NHS tells me to gtfo

No. 101503

hey anon, my period is like clockwork but my symptoms change from month to month which can really throw me off and freak me out. just stay calm and wait for your period. worrying will only delay it further.

No. 101692

Sorry late reply. Yeah they did it without asking but I already had an epidural (that fucking went to my face) so I was kinda numb? It was weird and I was so exhausted. I wish I would have been asked though.

No. 101723

you need help for your health anxiety, not needless pregnancy tests.

No. 101838

Errr… anybody got some book recommendations if I'm 7 weeks pregnant, have zero common sense or any knowledge of pregnancy/babies. I didn't even know what trimesters were.

As a frame of reference my ex with diabetes had low or high blood sugar and started acting extremely crazy. I just ignored him for a couple days and planned to lure him out of my apartment but happened to facetime my friend complaining about the situation who told me to call 911. Luckily hubby is a natural father and excellent with kids should I just not be left alone with it? lol

No. 101854

You could try What to expect when you’re expecting. can easily torrent. They have an app too with a lot of informative things

No. 101855

i second >>101854. parenting sites and forums are filled with a bunch of really out of touch moms. shit gets weird but that book has lasted imo for so long because its neatly packaged decently and less sahm crazy.

its a really hard thing to be responsible for a baby but what helped me was really focusing on the reality that they cannot express what they need with rational reactions. at first its really visceral, and toddlers are emotional but still with the lack of emotional regulation. its tough, but as adults we have capability of rational speech and cognition to express what we want or need (hopefully) in a controlled manner. but young children really arent able to do so and its hard to keep that in mind at times.

having people around you with a sound mind that can help out when you need it is really important. baby matters but so does the parent. my mom died while my first child was a toddler and i have had a second after so i was left in the dark because no one else around me really was 'instinctively' maternal and my inlaws are honestly rather unhinged so it was kind of grasping at straws when i needed a break from being a mom.

sorry for the novel but i was absolutely where you were. my first was an oops baby but i really wanted to try the best i could. you can do it.

No. 101861

For those who've had a child, did you ever experience a really strong inclination about what the sex of the baby was before you actually knew? Since I've been pregnant I've just had this 'intuition' that I'm having a girl and I've had several dreams about the baby being born a girl, looking at potential boys names doesn't feel right and that sort of thing. The baby's heart rate at 10 weeks was 167 which is high and associated with girls as well (though who knows if there's any truth to it). I'm 14 weeks tomorrow so I still have to wait another 6 weeks until I find out whether I'm right or wrong about it. But I'm interested to know whether others had such a strong gut feeling, and if they were right in the end?

No. 101862

Hey anon, with my first pregnancy I was convinced I was having a boy. Absolutely no reason, just felt like I was having a boy. Lo and behold I now have a son.
This time around I’m thinking it’s a girl, and I wouldn’t be surprised if I’ll have it confirmed once I hit 20 weeks. Women tend to be more intuitive by nature, I don’t see why we wouldn’t have some weird sense about the baby in our belly.

No. 101868

The names thing happened with me also. Girls names felt "off," I referred to the fetus as "he," etc. Sure enough, turned out to be a boy. Probably just a coincidence though, like everything else in the world.

No. 102096

I have good genes from my mom and shitty one from my dad ( like bad digestive system and vomiting if I wasn't in a vertical position when I was a baby ( even when spleeping, same for my sister)
And I'm scared if I ever have childrens they would have the same problems. I would feel so guilty

No. 102097

my mom felt that I was going to be a boy throughout the pregnancy and when she did her ultrasound I was in a weird position where you couldn't tell my sex so she really didn't have a clue until she gave birth to a girl lol. tbf I was/am very tomboyish? I mean you have 50/50 chance of getting it right, pretty good odds!

No. 102115

I was convinced my baby was a boy… until we got the sex scan at 20 weeks and she was a girl. Honestly I think you gravitate towards one or the other mentally, and you've only got a 50% chance of being wrong, so many people will have stories of "I thought it was a boy/girl and I was right!" and many will have the opposite.

No. 102534


Same anon here. My daughter just turned 2 last month and she's very happy and healthy. I'm so glad I didn't have the abortion because I love her to death and she's the only reason why I got my shit together

No. 102735

My boyfriend wants to eventually have a kid years down the road, but whenever I think about being pregnant I start having horrible anxiety attacks. I'm pretty thin, but I have stretchmarks on my hips and thighs, so that kind of tells me that I'm going to have horrible ones after giving birth. It doesn't help that weight sticks on me and it's hard for me to lose. After pregnancy, my boyfriend believes I'm going to have zero stretchmarks on my stomach, zero extra skin, and that I'm going to bounce back into a sexy bombshell.

My mom had to work out before, during, and after she had me, but held onto weight pretty badly after my older sister because of zero exercise schedule or healthy eating. Only difference is that she has no stretchmarks. He also keeps saying that, because his sister bounced back and looks even better, that I will too. When he said this to my mom, she laughed and told him he couldn't be more wrong, but he ended the conversation saying that he knows I'll be fine because ~~his sister was fine~~.

Anybody else have similar issues or fears? Anything to help confirm or deny that what I'm saying is true? I'm petrified of my body being absolutely ruined after having a kid, because my body, to me, is already gross enough lol. It doesn't help that I cannot stand babies (kids are ok), so I feel like I'm going to resent the child because I have to deal with a baby and a destroyed body.

No. 102737

I recently came off my birth control (bad side effects) and I'm worried I'm pregnant. My period is a week late, my nipples and breasts are noticeably tender, I'm bloated, I feel sick and tired often…

Me and my SO are in no position to raise a kid but I know a few people in my life who will really look down on me for aborting it. My boyfriend is completely fine with the decision.

No. 102739

Wtf don’t have a kid

No. 102744

Weird venting time but my boyfriend is in his late late 30s (really close to approaching the big 40) and I’m really irritated he hasn’t bothered to seriously discuss marriage with me and deflects every time. This is mostly distressing because we’ve talked about it before and he wants to, but it seems like he’s not interested right now. This is only relevant because he really wants kids someday, more than I do. I have no issue with other people having kids and not being married, but if I’m going to have kids I want to be. He’s taking his sweet time proposing despite being nearly over the hill, and doesnt seem to have an issue being an older father because “I can tell the kids their dad is old and I’m tire so I can’t play anymore” (half joking but I’m sure he’s serious). If we were to get married I’d want to have kids as soon as possible before he gets too old to interact with them, but for him it’s a non issue. I’ve expressed this multiple times that I feel like he will saddle me with all the parental responsibilities while he relaxes and he reassures me that will never be the case, but dude gets unhealthier every year we’ve been together. This topic is the only gripe I have about our relationship, and I think it’s turning into a bigger monster than I realize. If it were up to me I’d have my uterus, eggs and Fallopian tubes removed and be a dog mom, but I don’t think I’d mind being an actual mom either. God I hate being a woman

No. 102748

first, anon, i don't think being a father at "40" makes him old. my dad was in his mid 30s when he had me, and and in his 40s when my siblings were born, and he always played with us, he never skirted his responsibilities to change diapers, or watch us. he can't cook to save his life, but his age did not stop him from being a good dad.

it sounds like he doesn't really want kids, and he is just toying with the idea without wanting to commit.

a man his age should know exactly what he wants in life and when. i would give him an ultimatum anon. if he wants kids or doesn't want kids, he should start making up his mind and decide for good if he wants to marry you and dedicate his life to you.

also second, to you anon, i don't think you should have kids. if you aren't 100% gung-ho about being a mother, then you don't want to be a mother. the fact that you're okay with the idea of sterilization tells me you don't want this.

No. 102749

>I know a few people in my life who will really look down on me for aborting it.

How would they even know about the abortion if you got one? It's none of their business…

No. 102750

Never have children with a man without marriage or some kind of prenupital/legal contract.
His age really isn't an issue, but what is an issue is his indecisiveness to make a commitment to you.
Have a serious talk about it anon, is this a man who you're willing to get strung along with for the next five years? Don't even entertain the thought of children with this man until you've secured yourself in the relationship.

How long have you been together anon? I know there's magical unicorn relationships where people date for 9 years and decide marriage on the 10th, yet generally speaking men know if they want to be with you for the rest of their lives after a couple years of dating. It's ridiculous to give a man that much more of your time with nothing on his end to show he's for committing to you.

No. 102752

you probably aren't pregnant. going off birth control can have all of those side effects. how long were you on birth control and how recently did you go off of it, and when did you last have unprotected sex?

No. 102821

You sound like you really shouldn't have children.

There are medical reasons to hurry up, older fathers tend to have children with greater chances of health issues. That being said, I think you're right that he sounds like he doesn't want kids.

No. 102822

Please do not have a child. Honestly, if you can't stand babies and your biggest worry is ruining your body, you are not mom material - at least not now. Please do not have one until if/when this feeling changes. It really is completely okay not to have kids, or even adopt if you don't want to do pregnancy!

No. 102826

So I've seen a lot of gross birth shit because of my career field, and I'm fairly young and wondering if there's a way to "get over" the fear of being pregnant/giving birth when I see so many tragedies and mishaps. I do want children someday, but I'm terrified. And then I feel like a defective freak for being terrified, like isn't this something that should seem beautiful and natural to me?

Any advice? Am I a freak?

No. 102834

You are not a freak. I really want a child, and I think pregnancy will be kind of nice, but giving birth is the stuff of my nightmares. There's so much shit that can go wrong, and so many cases were women are victimised when they can't do shit anymore because for some reason births are often not done in the best way for mothers and… ugh.
At some point the want for children will overrun the terrified reaction.

No. 102840

i agree anon that older fathers are more at risk of contributing to issues like down syndrome and autism, anon just only mentioned him being "tired" so i only addressed that.

No. 102848

I've been pregnant and had a baby, but before all of that, I felt the same way. As soon as I found out I was pregnant, I was instantly terrified about the birth. Then, I kind of just accepted it? Like, he couldn't stay inside me forever and no matter what happened, the birth would soon be a past event. Now, it's been over 3 years and I can say I survived and it wasn't even that bad. Kek

No. 102852

Completely seconding this. I was so terrified of giving birth that I had panic attacks about it throughout my first trimester then eventually I wanted my baby out so bad I stopped giving a fuck. I was the poster from up above asking for advice about the process!! And I can legit say that if it wasn't for just wanting one kid I'd totally do it again. And they even fucked up the start of mine because I go so inward when I'm in pain and the machines weren't picking up my contractions so they thought I wasn't in enough pain so for 2 days they told me I was ~just in early labour uwu maybe some braxton hicks!~ And I wasn't allowed any pain relief beyond fucking paracetamol. That was horrible. Then they checked and were like o fuk you really are in labour and 5cm dilated you can go to the delivery ward now and I FINALLY got my epidural which, after that it was a blast. The nurses were all major assholes and not believing me for the first part which tbh was the worst thing. Feeling a baby pop out at the end was the bomb, and id do it all again with the difference of letting no bitch in there talk down my labour.

No. 102853

Completely seconding this. I was so terrified of giving birth that I had panic attacks about it throughout my first trimester then eventually I wanted my baby out so bad I stopped giving a fuck. I was the poster from up above asking for advice about the process!! And I can legit say that if it wasn't for just wanting one kid I'd totally do it again. And they even fucked up the start of mine because I go so inward when I'm in pain and the machines weren't picking up my contractions so they thought I wasn't in enough pain so for 2 days they told me I was ~just in early labour uwu maybe some braxton hicks!~ And I wasn't allowed any pain relief beyond fucking paracetamol. That was horrible. Then they checked and were like o fuk you really are in labour and 5cm dilated you can go to the delivery ward now and I FINALLY got my epidural which, after that it was a blast. The nurses were all major assholes and not believing me for the first part which tbh was the worst thing. Feeling a baby pop out at the end was the bomb, and id do it all again with the difference of letting no bitch in there talk down my labour.

No. 103031

Just wanted to empathise about not being believed about being in labour. I was having irregular but painful contractions for a week but was told it was “just a UTI”. The hospital finally admitted me over concern for my mental health because my head was fucked from the pain and uncertainty. The day after I was admitted I had a scan and found out the baby was measuring post term at 38 weeks and I had polyhydramnios/too much amniotic fluid. They refused to consider inducing me and just wanted to check me for gestational diabetes despite meeting none of the criteria/risk factors except the fluid. That night I went into labour, suddenly started having contractions every 6 minutes out of nowhere then down to every 3 within an hour. It took the midwives an hour and a half to come check me and when one eventually did I was 4cm. The fuck ups continued from there but at least they believed I was in labour from that point I guess?

Also the fucking paracetamol. Paracetamol does fuck all when I have a headache, the fuck is it going to do when my body is cranking up to push a baby out

Oh, and after I gave birth I asked about the UTI test results. I didn’t have one lmao

No. 103072

Anyone else have a horrible birth? Mine still effects me years later.. Idk if I'm just weak or if anyone else feels this way

No. 103135

My birth was terrible. The epidural went to my face, so I had to feel everything still. I was so unprepared.

No. 103137

i had a natural birth (don't ask, i wanted to die at the time) and it was like the most painful thing i ever felt. i have really painful scar tissue that didn't heal properly 10 years later…

the nurse was also a cunt and wouldn't hand my baby to me so i had to pick him up out of the bassinet and was scared to death i'd drop him.

No. 103157

My epidural didnt work instead caused horrible back pain. My baby got stuck and it was horrifying.. I tore really bad too.. Its been four years now. Will I ever feel OK w it?

No. 113800

File: 1556250690309.jpeg (226.83 KB, 1266x1280, B329EE78-4109-4621-B87B-04C00F…)

Just found out I’m pregnant so I’m bringing this thread back. Is anyone else pregnant atm?

No. 113835


No. 114046

Is wanting kids literally a meme? Like, do other women literally want their pussy to explode? I feel like no one actually wants them and it's just peer pressure because holy fuck pregnancy and birth are horrifying.

No. 114049

There are women who genuinely long to have children, but no one ever longs to give birth.

No. 114050

This. You may long for an ice cream cone but that doesn't mean you long for the trip to the store you need to make to get it.

No. 114053

I've just turned 19, and have recently noticed how broody I've been feeling. I'm not seeing anyone right now and am in college, but sometimes I catch myself thinking of baby names and what I would need to buy and it freaks me out a bit. I've always just assumed I'd have kids at some point or another, but I've never actively thought about the details of it.
But to pull a complete 180, the whole actual 'being pregnant' part scares the fuck of out me. The idea of a human growing inside me and kicking around gives me the heebie jeebies. To make matters worse, I'm really worried of postnatal depression, which is very prevalent in the genes of the woman in my family. And lets not even get to the birth part.

I don't know if its because I feel like my teens are coming to a close and thinking of the ""next stage"" of life is my way of coming to terms with it or what. My mum certainly brings up me having kids enough, and some of my old friends from school are already buying prams. Maybe its just internalised peer pressure to feel this way, or my biological clock is ticking, but I'm just feeling really confused and emotional recently about it all.

I know I'm not mature enough to have kids if I feel horrified about them being inside me in the first place, and I'll obviously wait until I'm financially stable and am in a loving lifelong relationship. Just have to focus on college and wait until the time is right. Ahh sorry that this turned into more of a meaningless vent but it felt better to get all this out of my head.

No. 114055

How dumb can you get?

Nobody wants birth they want a child. How do you come to the conclusion that it’s the few hours of mind shredding pain women want and not the brand new person at the end of it? Maleposters are so weird.

No. 114090

Why should she automatically be a maleposter? I totally agree that pregnancy and birth are horrifying. You don't have to be a male to think that.

No. 114098

Ok but who TF likes wiping asses and incessant screeching to the point of being willing to shred their vagina to accomplish it

Also a lot of women like being pregnant specifically

No. 114099

Very few kids "screech incessantly" and you wipe ass a handful of times a day for maybe 3 years of your kid's life. Why are anons who don't want kids so ridiculously OTT?

No. 114103

Immaturity. The same reason children exaggerate.

No. 114114

Because women aren’t that stupid about women-specific things like birth.
Reddit has your antinatalist clubs. If you’re triggered by a baby making a sound you should stay inside. Millions of people want children because that’s how the species continues. You’d have to be literally simple to not realise that, so it’s just a ‘reeee babies exist and I dun like it’ post.

No. 114131

Look, I don't want kids and don't like children who misbehave in public, but the kids aren't to blame here, it's the parents. Most kids don't "screech" all day or misbehave, otherwise people wouldn't like them.

No. 114144

Honestly there's even a limit to how much control you have as a parent. My 16mo can run and scream but doesn't understand much of what I say yet, so my control over her is limited; hence you see so many parents losing their shit in public trying to get their kid to behave. Having my own (relatively well-behaved kid) definitely gave me more sympathy towards parents who's kids don't behave.

No. 114146

i disagree tbh. the issue there is less about the kids and more about the parent's reaction. i hate parents who don't know what to do and either make it worse or ignore their kids. i've stopped what i was doing and left where i was even at the store when my toddler wouldn't shut up or listen. it's inconvenient sure, but i know how annoying it is to deal with it when other parents don't do anything.

No. 114152

mothers are chemically duped into liking their kids because kids are objectively annoying and unlikable

No. 114162

As someone who worked in childcare and managed to keep a room of babies or children under 4 quiet for ten hours a day, I can confirm that it's really unnatural for children to "screech" all day. None of our children ever made those distressed sounds unless they were sick/in pain. If I can keep 15 toddlers quiet and content and you can't even make one feel comfortable, there's something seriously wrong. I think a lot of mothers just grow accustomed to the "screeching" and don't realise how bad it sounds to everyone else or forget that it means there's something wrong. I feel really sad when I hear it in public.

No. 114168

This. Oxytocin release is the only reason why mothers hardly abandon / ignore their children.

No. 114170

i sure as hell didn't. i hated the sound of my kid's crying, kid's not baby's. it always stressed me out cause it was so shrill. i think you're right though, a lot of moms still associate it with the baby's cries and get a similar level of nurture instincts from it.

No. 114174

Go back to r/childfree with the rest of your shrieking brethren.

No. 114201

You said you disagree, but you've basically just reworded what I said. Parents losing their shit is losing control of the situation, but it's still a reaction to their child's behaviour, just like leaving a store is.

No. 114202

Having watched one of my friends emotionally overreact to their child crying every single time it happened, I now assume that these parents who ignore their kid crying are like that. Eventually the kid screams like a banshee about everything, and the parent becomes too exhausted/immune to respond at all. It's really sad, and actually puts me off spending time with her.

No. 114217

go back to whatever local facebook playdate group with your science denial, moo

No. 114230

Your opinion isn’t science but go off. I get that it must be hard to function when you’re so easily triggered into a tantrum because another baby is getting attention but there are clubs like childfree just for coping with that. They all agree with you and you can make up whatever science facts you want.

No. 114262

>bonding hormones don't real
must be the moo brain talking

No. 114279

How does it feel to know men regard you as unfeminine and broken?

No. 114281

>caring about what men think

No. 114283

Not even a mom so forgive me for intruding, but why is this anon preaching baby hate to people who already have babies? Does she want you all to commit infanticide or something?

No. 114284

Hello momanons! I am currently pregnant and my stretch marks are getting worse and worse–I already use Palmer's Cocoa Butter and Body Boost Stretch Mark Oil, is there anything else I should be trying? Right now, they're just on the underside of my belly but I worry so much that they're going to stick around for the long haul even after I have the baby.

No. 114285

Honestly you can say the same about relationships and even friendships. Humans are objectively annoying and unlikable and we are chemically duped into liking people enough to have a relationship.

No. 114306


Make sure you're getting enough vitamin E from food sources such as almonds, avocado, etc. Same with collagen promoting foods.

No. 114310

They’re just super edgy and super offended that people who don’t believe their “all babies are objectively unlikeable” exist. Dunno why to they’re calling people Moo but autism is weird like that.

No. 114381

I think genetics may have a part in this too. I used the same product the day I found out I was pregnant and never had any stretch marks. I know it’s cliche but drinking more water may help too. Collagen creams should help too

No. 114392

File: 1557095775282.jpg (163.83 KB, 1080x685, Screenshot_20190505-173604_Chr…)

Honestly, I don't believe there's anything you can do at all. Stretch marks are definitely genetic. Sorry, anon.

No. 114471

Seconding this, it's a genetic thing. I applied every cream and oil (mostly just because your skin gets itchy otherwise and you need the moisture) and still got stretch Marks, even after never having had one in my life prior. I love them though so it has never bothered me at all.
Also, congratulations!

No. 114538

I had the scariest stretchmarks. Purple and very very deep that left craters on my skin. They eventually faded into my skin color around 8 months postpartum. The craters filled up mostly but you can still see little dents under certain lighting. I didn't use any special creams but I did lose my baby weight 3 months postpartum. I am pregnant again so im sure they will come back but dont worry they do get better!

No. 114607

If babies were objectively likable they wouldn't need to rot your brain to dupe you into caring for them.

No. 114696

Happy Mother's Day, ladies.
Anyone doing anything special?

No. 114709

How do they rot your brain to like them lol

No. 114717

You produce oxytocin and anon is an edgy antinatalist twat who doesn’t understand what they’re yelling about.

No. 114718

Clearly the world is secretly being run by infants.
/pol/ has it wrong, it's The Baby Question.

I like how she ignored the anons pointing out that all relationships involve chemicals "duping" you.

Also not a momanon, so obligatory sage and happy mother's day to moms here!

No. 114721

Newborns are totally Machiavellian villains who trick you for fun. Boss baby was a warning, not a lame movie.

Happy mother’s day momanons!

No. 114733

I’ve wanted to have two kids but as a third year college student I’ll only have a kid if I accidentally get pregnant. Otherwise it makes me feel dumb to intentionally plan to fuck over my career as a woman and my finances as the future breadwinner of my relationship. No offense to women who have always wanted kids, but I just don’t know if I can deal with the employment discrimination and the mom-shaming in the US. Women already get enough shit for aging.

The thing is though, I have a copper IUD so an accidental pregnancy would likely be ectopic.

No. 114734

Shit, I should clarify that I’d only consider keeping the pregnancy in late 20s when I’m more likely to have some money saved.

No. 114748

I get it, but do you really want your potential kid to be an unwanted accident? And are you prepared to dedicate your life, free time, and finances to this accident? Not to mention the health risks related to pregnancy and giving birth.

In case something happens, maybe abortion would be a better choice until you're sure you're ready. If you're ever ready, of course.

No. 114752

No. 114753

Yep, I guess part of me still has this desire to be a mom but I just don’t want to choose it for myself, I’d rather keep an accidental kid than choose to have one and fuck over several aspects of my life intentionally. I’m a depressed anon who sometimes feels like I have nothing to live for, and that a kid might help me have purpose. But that in itself sounds terrible and being a parent is way harder than just filling a void. Not to mention that most parents at some point feel like they’re not doing a good job of being a parent or doubt themselves. I feel like whatever happens to my kid I’d probably blame on myself and have unending thoughts, telling myself that it’s my fault only and that would give me more reasons to hate myself.

Now that I really think about it, I kind of just want a pet that will fill the void. It’s not too good though because my boyfriend wants kids for certain and probably won’t compromise if I decide that my finances and mental health later on aren’t in a state to have kids.

No. 114770

File: 1557810246051.jpg (43.69 KB, 563x596, 859ed317e8a7d151bd76f9e9660848…)

any mom anons have their opinion to share about taking a baby to the pool? Summer is approaching and I want to take my little one to the pool. What age is too soon to take them? Is it too unsafe and unhygienic? How long did you have them in the pool for etc. Recommended swim attire and diaper? thank you!

No. 114773

Personally I wouldn't take them because if they're too small they require constant supervision which can get exhausting, and most kiddie pools are still too deep for a baby. Maybe think about an inflatable pool? That way your kid can still have fun in the water but you can have them close by and be sure they won't drown.

No. 114774

I kinda feel the same, this is first time I've ever seen someone other than myself think that way. Like, I'll never actively choose to have kids or go out of my way to have one, but if I accidentally got pregnant I'd take a chance and keep it. I can imagine it sounds like a disaster waiting to happen, but I guess it's just that I know in my head that having a kid would be less than ideal, but if the choice was made for me (to an extent) I'd feel more comfortable indulging an emotional decision rather than doing what's best for my bank account and comfort.

I don't have sex though so it ain't gonna happen kek.

No. 114779

Wait until they are out of diapers for the public pool. Swim diapers are not hygienic. That doesn't preclude other water play at home, though. I'd do it with another adult around if you use a kiddie pool, just to keep eyes on baby at all times.

No. 114781

I took my daughter to a public pool for the first time as soon as she finished her first course of vaccinations (about 3 months old). She loved it, and as a result she is 16 months old and can swim. Don't be put off taking them, it's a hassle but swimming is a great skill and a fun activity to wear energetic babies out!

No. 114782

The concept of something being objectively likeable is so ridiculous. Tell me one thing that absolutely every single person in the world agrees is objectively likeable, and feel free to share your criteria for deciding this. Just because you don't like babies doesn't mean no one else does - how old are you, 16?

No. 114875

Sorry if my post doesn't belong here.

I was strongly of childfree mentality until I reached seventeen. I was disgusted by babies, disgusted by the idea of myself pregnant and got caught early in the libfem movement thus being a mother seemed like the worst thing a woman could be, I'd rather die than THINK of being a mom.
But I'm way past that now and for the last years I keep wanting to have children. My biggest problem is that I'm worried they'd turn out like me. Depressed and suicidal in their tween and teen years, me being unable to help and having to powerlessly watch them suffer. I put my mom through a lot and she didn't deserve it.

Any mothers went/going through this? Do you ever get over this fear? It's things like this that make me reconsider having children. Plus having to find a man who actually wants to be a father and isn't just going with it because it's expect of him socially.

No. 114877


Are you me?
Until not that long ago (I'm in my early 20's) I was disgusted at the thought of having kids. I did not like children (did not hate them or anything though).

Lately, I don't feel disgusted with the thought anymore, and I would even say I do want children in the future. I look at kids and think they're funny and cute.

But I think the same, that my children would inherit my anxiety/depression and how much I would suffer to see them suffer. I also sometimes think that I am way too weird/fucked-up to be a good mother.

Also, finding a good man is really hard these days, I don't want to date older men and the guys my age are all immature and video-game addicted.

Hope we can figure out life anon.

No. 114885

I was exactly like this too until I met my husband. About a year into our relationship my opinion on children completely changed. Growing up, I would cry over having to babysit and vocally expressed my distaste for children. I had no patience and was a pretty selfish person all-in-all. Now, I love kids and go out of my way to watch my younger cousins. I think to be in a place where you are making the choice to have a child is important. I don't know about you, but my parents were teenagers and I was a big old accident. I want to be as prepared and possible, sit down with my husband, and be able to say "let's do this". I know you can never be completely prepared, but I think having everything in order well before you decide to have children is extremely important to their own health and wellbeing down the road. My parents were great and they tried so, so hard to give me a good life but they were very young and made a lot of mistakes.

No. 114886

I have bipolar disorder and my teenage years were AWFUL. Like I really didn't appreciate how bad it must have been for my mum until I had my daughter. However, part of why it was so bad is that bipolar wasn't really known about then, so no one knew what was up with me or how to handle it. If my daughter has it, I'll know exactly what to do and how to help her, and I'll actually be able to understand what she's going through. Your experience will actually be very valuable. Plus there's no guarantee your child will end up with MH problems - even with hereditary ones I think the chance is 40%?

Also, most parents are weird or fucked-up in some way. You just get too tired and busy to pay it any mind. Not in a horrible way, but becoming a parent makes you realise how self-involved you unconsciously are and you drop a lot of bullshit behaviour. In my experience anyway!

No. 115016

File: 1558075944208.jpeg (188.11 KB, 1242x1338, 2C54E8AA-BF5C-426C-A21B-10ECAD…)

Any preganons here and can’t stop worrying the baby will die in the womb or during birth? I also look up the premature survival rates every week lol.

No. 115020

Speaking from experience abortion is kinda fun, lol… it's hard to explain but don't worry about it anons

No. 115028

Every mum worries about this. Don't torture yourself though, it's really pointless and the cortisol you'll be producing from stressing will affect your baby. Once you're out of the first trimester it's relatively rare for a pregnancy loss to occur, and as for the rest… it's one of those things. Realistically a person could die at any moment, but there's no purpose for worrying about it as there's nothing you can do! Relax anon, and good luck!

No. 115149

No. 115241

It’s a male incel. Ignore it.

No. 115246

why would you automatically assume that?

No. 115260

I just found out that I'm 7 weeks pregnant (first time). How do I stop myself from worrying about the possibility of having an early miscarriage?

No. 115306

I can’t stop crying because my bf doesn’t want me to choose which hospital to give birth in.
There’s one very close to our house with a really good L&D ward that just looks more comfortable but he wants me to give birth in a hospital closer to his mothers house. NB the difference in distance is only a few miles (they are both in the same city), she could easily jump in a taxi or he could pick her up after the baby’s born.

I don’t even know how to handle this.

No. 115307


Not sure if this will help, but try it out.

No. 115308

>men making decisions for you about child birth

Why the fuck should he have any say? It's your body, you need to put your foot down and go where you are most comfortable.

No. 115309

Girl, you made that baby inside of you from the scratch, don’t allow some entitled man to make you go through extra pain because of his mommy. Save up the money for taxi if he doesn’t want to drive you to your preferred hospital. Or ask a friend to be ready to take you there.

No. 115316

>making choices about your body and child based on what his mum wants
Abort mission

No. 115320

His mum dgaf. He does.

No. 115323

Fuck him and his mom—you goneith where you’re most comfortable, anon. If he doesn’t agree with that, he doesn’t need to be there.

No. 115331

Now is the time to draw boundaries. You mustn't capitulate here to an unreasonable demand. You are the patient. Take a taxi or have a friend take you. This is not his decision to make. Do you want your MIL to be there during the birth anyways?

No. 115337

is there a specific reason why? that seems like an odd request to me. i personally would want to atleast know the reasoning he has. either way though, you're the one having the baby. i didn't even get to pick my hospital because my water broke early and i thought it was premature. just turns out my idiot dr. forgot which numbers were for what month.

No. 115343

If she isn't bothered speak to her and see if she will explain how important it is that you get to choose where you give birth. If he won't listen to you, he might listen to his mother.

No. 115346

Because he thinks it’s unreasonable to ask her to get in a taxi and travel a few miles farther.
She has health problems, but she is well enough to travel out of the country at least twice a year on holiday.

No. 115352

tell him to fuck off lmao

he can make the decision when he learns how to give birth

No. 115357

So his mother not having to take a taxi a few times (which you don't even know whether it bothers her) is more important than you having the birth experience you want? No no no. Tell him to fuck right off, this birth is not about or for his mother.

No. 115367

Why is she even coming? I’m pregnant and not having my in-laws come to the hospital. I’m going to have my vagina shredded and trying to learn to breastfeed. I don’t want to be around my in-laws.

No. 115607

Those of you who didn't want children before but do now, when did you change your mind?

No. 115627

Idk. I used to find them annoying as hell (and still do in some cases), but then I stopped allowing childfree spergs to influence my opinion. I realized that a lot of kids' behaviour depends on how they are being treated by their parents. During my train commute I started noticing patterns.

Immigrant Muslim mums letting their kids thrash about, wail and cry while they browse their mobiles and ignore them, and the toddlers' older sisters feeling self-conscious and telling the child to be quiet while the actual mother completely forgets about the child or other passengers and lets it cry and scream.
Overindulgent parents spoiling their child, too afraid to speak up against it for fear of being "abusive" and letting it walk all over them, boss its siblings around and act like a whiny brat if it doesn't get what it wants NOW.
Mothers who sit with their quiet children, amuse them, read to them and tell them to pipe down if they get too loud.
Etc etc.

I also had young cousins and nieces I had to babysit and they were really sweet as long as people treated them like human beings and not housepets. Sometimes parents won't let their child be independent and it starts to act out when it isn't given space to breathe and is always told what to do or not do. My own mother was like this and I just treated them how I wanted to be treated and they liked me a lot and listened to me.

I don't want children yet but I'm not against potentially having them in the future. Yeah it's shit to have society dictate what you should and shouldn't do as a mother but as a woman this is the case for everything. I always make sure I have the last word and never do what I don't want to just because "you're supposed to". I've had to train myself to not give a fuck about being judged or hated but it gets easier.

No. 115652

it's so weird to see you single out immigrant mothers as if caucasian moms and black moms don't do the same fucking thing as them.

No. 115654

"Immigrant" isn't a race, first of all. And yes this is very typical of Somali mothers because they are the largest group of immigrants with the most kids in my country. I'm an immigrant myself but I'm from Southern Europe.
Second, their parenting style differs greatly from that of the natives here, who are in the category of letting their kids walk all over them. I've lived in different countries over the years and there is always a difference in parenting styles between countries, let's not pretend there isn't.

No. 115671

hilarious how you act as if some of the most heathen children aren’t white. have you seen england lmao

No. 115683

I said nothing of the children, I was talking about their mothers. In fact, the point of my entire post, which you seem to have missed somehow, is that children only misbehave when they are not being treated properly. Now go clutch your pearls somewhere else.

No. 115723


Anon how is that pearl clutching?

No. 115789

File: 1559157134926.png (1.18 MB, 1366x1114, B759FDE3-BA06-4E15-8740-33E9C3…)

Can any mom-anons discuss and share your favorite baby products? Recommended bottles, pacifiers, clothing brands, gear etc.

No. 115790

Probs racial bias. In public I find brown children crying to be especially annoying and find them to misbehave at a higher rate but it's probably because I tune out the white children or subconsciously perceive it in a less negative way.

No. 115793

If you're breastfeeding, lanolin.

No. 115795

If I could do it over again, I'd get a battery-powered bouncer chair and a side sleeper/co-sleeping pod. Don't worry about getting a cot until they're ready to go into their own room at 6mo, and definitely stock up on burping cloths as you'll go through tons. White noise machine has also been a lifesaver!

No. 115802

The mobile thing is pretty unnecessary but everything else is alright enough.

One thing I would add is reusable nappies. They save a LOT of money in the long run and are more breathable, so fewer nappy rashes. You can make some yourself or buy a bunch.

Rubber nipple shields are also good to have, as well as lanolin.

I also wouldn't bother buying new baby clothes. Charity shops always have a lot, and the baby will end up staining them anyway in ten minutes. Make sure to wash them at a high temperature first and you're golden.

No. 115808

I had my third round of artificial insemination yesterday. I really hope this finally works out. My husband's sperm was better quality this time and I got medication to make my body ovulate more quickly (usually I ovulate around day 20) and even get the shot to make sure I was going to ovulate yesterday or today. This whole infertility thing is just so tiring.

No. 115813

I'd add a car seat to that image. It makes transporting the baby a lot easier and can be used to carry them around.

No. 115814

Not gonna lie I get weirded out and roll my eyes when moms post on imageboards. Hell, maybe I will be such a mom but I would rather not, but then again, I am grossed out by myself posting right now but this was also the case even when I was a teen and smol kid so I shouldn't care about mommies who should take care of their kids and themselves instead of shitposting. But I'll definitely use it as banter-material and have done so before, both irl and online. But I don't mind them outside of banter in all honesty, and I only would use it as banter if they were being shitty. Hell, despite teenmoms are almost always promiscuous, retarded and in general useless I really don't believe they always turn out losers. In fact statistics over here proves it completely wrong, since they tend to work even harder since…well…they should. I really don't want my daughter to be a teenmom though, I'd hate myself a lot if she became a mom young.
>and all that kinda shit?
Since OP allows me: Abortion should be allowed and even encouraged if they're not not doing well whether financially/physically/emotionally/cognitively in any combination possible. I just wonder for pro-abortion folks here… Do you ever just look at a 22 weeks old fetus and think by yourself "damn, that looks JUST like a wholesome human bean except much smaller!". Yeah, when I discovered what a 22/24 weeks old fetus looks like I was shocked there are non-raped women who can do this without feeling any guilt whatsoever. I am in fact afraid of such women, just like you'd be afraid of a killer. Even killing a fleshy big insect for me is pretty much impossible. If the baby is 12 weeks old it is allowed for any reason (in my lil humble opinion alone of course), anything more it should only be in extreme circumstances allowed. Most women who have 5 kids and more started as teens anyways but I absolutely cannot respect any animal or kid hoarder. Get a life if you have more than 4 kids! And I haven't ever seen such kids turning out normal. What is the point of having more than 4 healthy kids? Why do you need 2 more? I guess the only time you could get one is if you: 1. have the means to do so and 2. if you couldn't get all the genders you collected (which is female and male…I knew a woman who had 4 kids but couldn't get a daughter).

I fucking love cute babies and cute babies alone. Stupid (low iq and/or the ones that cry too much are classified as stupid to me) and ugly babies never get awwww'd by me and I don't want it (used purposely) near me. I hope to get pregnant in a couple of years when I'm ready to a loving caring husband.
>The bad
Women who breastfeed their kids that are no longer babies. Weirdo.
I personally use zwitsal because I love the scent. I use it on my body, hair and the powder. I haven't researched which baby products are the best but I can imagine natural ones that don't contain chemicals may be the best for babies. Come to think of it I may need to take that advice for myself too. Any baby products that are 100% not bad for baby & me but especially me?

No. 115825

Diapers. Whether you use cloth, disposable, or a combination of the two, you will need a lot of diapers.

Depending on where you live, you might also need a car seat to be able to take the baby home from the hospital.

No. 115827

>I was shocked there are non-raped women who can do this without feeling any guilt whatsoever.
Maybe they do feel guilt. Less than 2% of abortions in the US happen after 20 weeks. Usually, it was a wanted pregnancy with extenuating circumstances, like something threatening the life of the mother or a fetal abnormality. Late term abortions are often a tragedy for the mothers and families that have to get them because they were hoping for a healthy pregnancy and healthy baby. Rape has little to do with it. Most people don't want to have children who have Down Syndrome.

No. 115860

>Not gonna lie I get weirded out and roll my eyes when moms post on imageboards.

No. 115999

Quintessential dumb bitch post.

No. 116033

File: 1559443855612.jpeg (Spoiler Image,205.34 KB, 1242x1679, C8D48465-0665-403E-BD13-827C3B…)

> If the baby is 12 weeks old it is allowed for any reason
Am I the only one that finds 12 week old fetus super qt?
That being said I don’t have any problems with abortion. I even support the NY after birth abortion if the baby is retarded/has medical problems. In the past they would have just been left in the woods. I hate those creepy Christians that keep a potato with half a brain alive and then act self righteous about it while neglecting their normal kids.

No. 116034

yes, you're the only one. that shit is gross.

No. 116036

Is this some kind of copypaste? It has been awhile since I've read such a tedious mishmash of conflicting opinions and really weird logic on g.

No. 116038

Seeing that makes me sad. Spoiler that shit wtf.

No. 116048

Cuteeeee. But I wouldn't let it near me.

No. 116178

Seconding reusable nappies. My daughter never had Nappy rash, and it's saved us so much money. Now we've moved onto the transition pants thing as she's potty training and it's costing us £50 a month…

No. 116681

I heard there’s this thing called a peanut they use to during labor.

I’ll let you imagine what that might mean

No. 116709

File: 1560446495150.jpg (18.39 KB, 600x450, peanutball.jpg)

It's a peanut-shaped inflatable ball, also called a physioroll. In the delivery room, it helps open the pelvis in a way that is much more comfortable than holding a squat. Its use is associated with a reduction in c-section rate.

During labor, you lie down on your side and put it between your knees.

It can also be a useful sleep prop during the last few weeks of pregnancy when nothing's comfortable, and as an exercise support while your abs are recovering postpartum.


No. 119335

I used one of these in the delivery room because my cervix thinned way more on one side, like 30 minutes with this thing strategically placed between my calves completely solved it.

We bought the entire tommee tippee closer to nature set and it has done us really well nearly a year in

Good luck anon, thinking of u

No. 119408

File: 1563347456926.gif (158.09 KB, 112x112, C16812C3-57C2-48C0-BEC2-22E5B1…)

>39+3 weeks pregnant
Pls send help anons I’m so uncomfortable and miserable.

No. 119409

I literally cried EVERY day, on and off, at this point. It's no joke. You're so close though anon. Are you able to just do fuck all and veg out watching a TV series?

No. 119432

I am utterly terrified with pregnancy. Every slight thought of me being a mom is so uncomfortable I need to shake off the thought immediately. I have nightmares of me being pregnant. It just feels wrong.
On the other hand, I truly love my SO and think of him as a perfect father, the thought of raising a c