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Discuss family planning, birth, pregnancy, conception, fertility, and any other baby-related topic in this thread. Old thread >>49996
hit bump limit.
Ah fuck. I have baby fever so bad right now curse this cute ass photo.
I’m not ready to be a mom, but I want to one day.
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Sorry in advance if venting isn't allowed, I just don't want to get made fun of so I figured I could post here.
I am having the worst baby fever of my life right now. I'm still young and there's no fertility issues in my family so I'm probably fine, but I have been having dreams every other night that I have a sweet new born baby girl. At work, I heard a baby laugh and I wanted to cry. For most of my child hood, I didn't want kids, and I understand and have witnessed the difficulties that mothers face in child rearing, but I genuinely enjoy babies and children so much and would love the opportunity to raise one now.
It's just all I can think about these days, nonnas.
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How do you guys feel about fetal microchimerism?
I’m 27, in the best relationship of my life, and worrying I’m running out of time. My bf and I are both poor so idk when we’re gonna be established enough to start a family. I worry constantly about fertility issues down the road and sometimes wish I could just get accidentally knocked up now and hope we’d figure it out. I know that’s irresponsible so I don’t really
wish it, but my baby fever brain does lol
If you guys are in a good place to start trying, I wish you the best of luck. I think one of the most important things is that kids have parents who have a healthy relationship and love each other. So by the sounds of it, I think you’ll do fine.
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How soon is "soon" and how young is "young." I would have liked to have our first child two years ago, we are trying in four months. He knew I wanted kids (he wants them too), and we talked openly and frequently about that, but thought my impatience was a bit different. He did not realize until very recently I thought I would have had a child by now. I know his concerns are largely about providing, and that things will not be as easy and selfish once we have a kid. I wish I had better communicated that I didn't want to be waiting so long, instead of just that it was hard. For his part he's worked very hard to achieve certain financial goals so I can be a SAHM and did make sure we moved into a place where we could have a whole separate room for a nursery. It's been so hard watching people accidentally get pregnant and have beautiful babies, and here I am just waiting.>>212596>>212618
I worry about fertility. I'll be 27 when we try and my husband thinks it'll happen right away. It happened on the first month for our friends, and then a lot of people we know had accidental pregnancies and just went with it, so he really doesn't realize it takes plenty of couples a whole year.
I was in the exact same boat with my first pregnancy. It was wanted and on my second check up (around the same time as you) it was clear that the fetus had stopped growing. Abortion is a huge process and the pill is illegal where I live, so when the cramping started I just waited it out over the course of a couple days. Looking into the toilet and being able to see the eye spot was a really bizarre, crushing feeling that I don’t know if I could properly explain to anyone who hasn’t gone through it.
I’m wishing you well on your recovery and hope that your next try goes as you hope. I waited about half a year before trying again and luckily it was as easy as the first time. Everything went well, and my baby arrived on time and healthy. Good luck, nonnie
Nothingto say, just sending you love and support, nonnie
The main issue that I've seen friends go through wasn't even money (they usually expect that to be their biggest shortcoming) but no matter how stable they thought their relationship was, it's surprisingly hard to know which men will walk out when the baby is like 10 months old even when you've dated for the 10 years previous and walked down the aisle. I've just seen that on repeat. All my friends with kids have slowly had their bubble burst in that way.
Money wise I'm in a country where nobody, especially those with kids will ever starve or go without essentials. It's funny how much money rarely is the biggest cause of tears or stress lines or sleepless nights in the end.. it's dad. But no amount of time spent waiting before conceiving ever seems to give you a clue that he'll walk within a year of dad life.
This. My husbands side kept shaming us for having kids in our early 20s because we were "supposed" to get our careers together THEN have kids in our early to mid 30s. These same people spent thousands on IVF because they waited too long to have kids, and are trying to adopt a young child well into their 40s as well as other members in his family raising teenagers in their 60s and probably will die before meeting their grandkids or see other life milestones if the whole "wait forever to get married and have kids" cycle continues
emotion stability is more important and having your kids at the right age. I'd rather budget than to die before ever meeting my grandchildren and have to raise deal with raising high schoolers in my 50s
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>>213320>These same people spent thousands on IVF because they waited too long to have kids, and are trying to adopt a young child well into their 40s as well as other members in his family raising teenagers in their 60s and probably will die before meeting their grandkids or see other life milestones
God I'm so terrified that this will be my future. I'm turning 26 tomorrow and I just want kids already. I wanted them yesterday.
You can be young and still have shit fertility. Happened to me, after all the testing and everything my doc told me it would've been a miracle if I had gotten pregnant naturally with my husband.
What's keeping you from having kids now?
Nta but they have a point too, being born to older parents has its issues. I had one dead parent and one aging parent before I could start my own adult years. I don't see myself ever having kids as a result of the knock on effect of having one dead parent and one grieving/aging and lacking parent. Same goes for my brother. The genes end here because there was never a sense of family to start with. I kinda do resent my family circumstances and.. daily. I see other families.. alive and intact and able to do things together and it's a stab in the gut sometimes. I've never vocalised that to anyone but it sucks and affects you for life.
A combination of things matter, money is definitely one, age and health matter too. Of course anyone can get sick without notice but it helps not to wait til you're in your 40s. I've also seen people in their 40s have one autistic kid after another aswell.. that's a risk factor that increases with age and the combo of being old and your child having extra demands is a shitshow of a situation. All those things matter. It's not one or the other.. everything has it's importance. I feel for people who are just trying to decide the best time to start, and trying to weigh up age versus income. It's a blaance.
My mom was in her early 40s when she had me and she's doing fine. My dad was younger (late 30s) and he's also doing fine. No issues conceiving for my mother and she never had issues "keeping up" with me.
People love to put pressure on the woman when it's the man's dusty old sperm that's mostly to blame for genetic defects and trouble conceiving, and if your parents eat like shit and don't exercise it doesn't matter if they're early 30s or early 40s, they won't be able to "keep up with teenagers" either way. If you're going to go off anecdotal evidence, it's worth not basing your decisions around Midwest Americans who age faster and hit puberty earlier.
I'm sorry to hear you had to go through that nonnie
. But it sounds like you were able to successfully have kids? For me, I'm still living at home and am just now finishing school, and my boyfriend is not really anywhere further along than I am.
and I wasn't saying anything about people in their late 30s. My parents started having kids in their 40s and I was born last when they were 50. That's the age range I was speaking of. I'm not from anywhere near the US either.
No one is saying men aren't causing problems and that it's all womens fault, we're saying just to be smart about what age you have kids and not to put too much emphasizes on money more than you do emotional and relationship stability
Here's some physical riskshttps://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/having-a-baby-at-40
and no, just because your mom supposedly had no complications doesn't mean all women should just wait until they're 40 to have kids, it's just statistically more likely to cause a bunch of issues to development. 35 and older pregnancies are considered geriatric and 40 and over are considered high-risk. 55 is the minimum age to get admitted to most nursing homes, your bones start deteriorating in their 40s. In fact it's considered irresponsible to let senior dogs (6 yrs old>) get pregnant due to the risks, why does this suddenly not apply to humans? I'm sure plenty of dogs have had successful litters past 6
>inb4 muh americans only do this!!
only a handful of countries have life expectancies past 80. the world average is 73 years old meaning you'll most likely die before meeting your grandkids and grandparents can benefits children a lot including helping the children become more empathetic and intelligent
anyway - saying "well I know people who didn't!" doesn't change the risks with older pregnancy, the risks with not having grandparents in a kids life, and the aging that will inevitably happen and the risks that come with it and what you will be possibly imposing on your children. Don't be upset at the natural lifecycles of humans and certainly don't bring life into the world who are going to be forced to be your personal caregiver in their 30s-40s when they are supposedly supposed to be the ones having kids and getting their own family together. This system just does not work
>>213413 >we better hurry up and settle asap or end up old and alone because 30+ women are worthless and have no eggs blah blah
Nta but I really think you're taking the shitty words of scrotes and imagining that anons on here must be coming from the same place as them when they're just not. If anons on here have parents who are dead or who were aging from the time they were born and they think it's valid
to question whether that's right or ideal or fair then that has nothing to do with scrotes and their weird cope that women lose value at 30. Nobody here is saying any of that.
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Congratulations! Thank you for sharing your experience. It's helpful to hear from people who didn't sneeze the baby out or need an emergency c-section. So often you only hear about extremes.
How much help would you say you need in the beginning? My husband works for a small company with 2 weeks PTO/year (no saving it up) but he works from home. Do you need round the clock help at first?>>213235>$300 strollers
You sound young. Love is important, but it does not pay for braces. Yeah, there will be no perfect time, but if a $300 stroller is out of range, you are going to be shocked when it comes to diapers. Stability is actually pretty hard to achieve these days. The time of any average guy working an average job and owning a house and having a stay at home wife and three kids is over.>>213258
You should tell her what you wrote here. It sounds like you both hold one another in very high regard.>>213362>if your parents eat like shit and don't exercise it doesn't matter if they're early 30s or early 40s, they won't be able to "keep up with teenagers" either way.
This. My husband's mom is the same age as mine, but she's had to knee replacements, heart attacks, and takes a bunch of prescriptions. My mom still takes long hikes and has many years ahead of her.
>>213451>You sound young. Love is important, but it does not pay for braces.
Spotted the American. Braces doesn't benefit your health whatsoever other than cosmetically and braces in other countries are very cheap>diapers
plenty of options, reusable diapers, diaper banks, on top of that diapers cost less than 20 a week on average. Very easy to budget out if you're legitimately broke but easy for someone up is middle or lower middle class to buy. Stability is hard because people are encouraged to overspend. You don't want that 18 yr old toyota your mom gave you with 50/month insurance you want a bmw with 5 times the insurance, you don't want that 4-bedroom house in countrycornfalls midwest for a 400 a month mortgage, no HOA and barely any property tax, you want to go move to some expensive suburb or urban area, you don't want to stay in and go camping every few months or so you want to go get a bougie hotel on the beach or in the mountains and go to expensive theme parks. It's extremely easy to budget and survive on an average wage it's just that's not what people want due to hype culture having everyone believe they "need" things that are completely unnecessary. The fact you mentioned braces as the first thing you think of as a priority proves that
US women are often miserable though. Every mom I met who started having kids in her late 30s is often depressed, unhealthy, and is always being seen screaming at her kids. 30 is fine but when you're getting near your 40s it's not a good time to start having kids.>>213488
thinking about how your aging will effect your child and family in the future=/= sounding like a scrote
>>213498>Braces doesn't benefit your health whatsoever other than cosmetically
Are you retarded?? Fucking hell, please don't have kids if you're not going to get them the orthodontic treatment they might need thinking it's all ~cosmetic~. It's not, and it is extremely important to take care of your teeth including braces if necessary.
You sound insanely naive about money and healthcare and I'm not American so don't use that as a gotcha. Poor people are the ones having plenty of children at a young age, they're doing exactly what you want and guess what - their outcomes are shitty. That's how life works.
The first few weeks are so insanely brutal. You’re not only recovering from birthing a whole baby, but now your life exists in 2 hour chunks. Baby wakes up, needs changing, needs feeding, gets put to sleep (maybe) and then you get to decide how you want to spend the 30min-1hr left before it repeats. Do you sleep? Do you eat? Do you shower?
You become so sleep deprived so fast. Dangerously sleep deprived. Like blink your eyes and you accidentally fall asleep sleep deprived.
On top of that you might have a fussy baby that screams and cries a lot or one that doesn’t sleep well or doesn’t eat well and it’s just…so stressful lmao. Your hormones are crashing, you’re suddenly responsible for a human life, you aren’t sleeping, you barely have time to eat more than a protein bar, good luck finding enough time to shower or brush your teeth or have any sort of hygiene at all. It’s rough.
And if you decide to breastfeed, we’ll, that’s a whole other beast to conquer.
Imo it’s really important to have a SO or parent to help you during this time. I don’t know what I would have done without my husband and mother there to support me.
Single mothers/fathers that had to do this alone have my sincerest respect after learning myself what comes with having a baby.
If speaking, chewing and breathing is fine braces aren't needed, which most people do not have issues with. Don't pretend like most kids with braces absolutely needed them. Statistically speaking most people don't NEED them but it's normalized in america even over the slightest overbite. Do you think other countries where throwing your child into painful braces in their teens when they're having no issues is also child neglect?> they're doing exactly what you want and guess what - their outcomes are shitty. That's how life works.
Can you provide examples?
I was discharged after 2 days. I got similar care as you, though. Lots of nurses to help, offered to take baby for a couple hours so I could sleep, 4 different lactation consultants came to help offer breastfeeding advice.
Afaik most other countries allow women to stay 4-7 days. America just seems to really disregard women.
>>213530>Imo it’s really important to have a SO or parent to help you during this time. I don’t know what I would have done without my husband and mother there to support me.
Thanks. We'll be sure to budget PTO accordingly.>>213498>Spotted the American.
Yes. What about insurance? Maybe it's not necessary in your country, great for you. But in the US, you do need it, and it's expensive.>plenty of options, reusable diapers,
If you have an in-unit washer and dryer>diaper banks,
Planning to live on charity is a bad plan, and it's not stability>on top of that diapers cost less than 20 a week on average.
Maybe where you live>easy for someone up is middle or lower middle class to buy
How about childcare? Either someone is staying home and you lose their income, or you're paying someone else to watch your kid.>You don't want that 18 yr old toyota your mom gave you with 50/month insurance
Who is paying $50 a month for insurance? Does your mom have a used car she can gift me?>you don't want that 4-bedroom house in countrycornfalls midwest for a 400 a month mortgage
Show me this 4 bedroom house on zillow, because rural housing stock isn't as cheap as it used to be, and all the people I know who just bought houses had to offer way above asking price. Additionally, cheap places are cheap because the nearby jobs are low wage>you want to go get a bougie hotel on the beach or in the mountains and go to expensive theme parks
You are now simply projecting.
Look, people do wait a long time for kids, but stability is much harder to provide than I think you realize. I'm rather certain your mom and dad still pay for at least some of your living expenses, or that you are using government assistance. Some people do manage to provide a stable life with very little money by homesteading or what have you, but most low-income families end up providing sub par childhoods for their children. I'm guessing you have no idea what it's like for a family to struggle to afford taking their kid to a doctor. I think you believe people are fretting about budgeting for a European vacation, new car, and designer clothes, but that's not the case. People worry about health insurance, childcare, stable housing, any transportation at all, a reasonable schooling situation, and an employment situation that gives them more than six unpaid weeks to recover from birth.
I found all of this info with simple Google searched. The average reported price of diapers is 900/yrs, that's literally under 20 dollars a week. I searched houses on Zillow and priced them low to high and looked at them well to make sure they obviously weren't fucked up and found plenty that were under 600/month in mortgage, trailers are also a thing too. If you can't figure out how to raise a child on one average income you really need to think outside of the box. As for charities they're literally there to help you
The average American income is 30k, meaning about 2500 a month (and I'm rounding down on these statistics btw) which isn't hard at all to budget for rent, car insurance, tax, baby needs, groceries etc if you aren't a complete retard with your money>>213595
I got this from following a fuck ton of Americans on Snapchat and Instagram. So many of them I know for fact work in fast food or retail yet are always going in expensive vacations, buying loads of new clothes and perfumes, going out to eat every night, go to the nail salon every week, etc. Don't pretend like there's an issue among American poor people spending a ton of money on things they absolutely do not need>Inb4 "well it's just a few!". Sure, I'm not saying literally all poor people do this but seriously, I shouldn't be able to walk into Walmart and the cashier's have 300 dollar shoes, 5k worth of jewelry, a 200 dollar eyelash extension job, and nails that cost 40 dollars a week to maintain with a 1k cell phone bragging about how they're going to take an 1k dollar vacation to California and don't even try to lie and say that doesn't happen because I've lived in America for 3 years and it sure fucking does. Americans are notoriously horrible with money. I'm considered upper middle class and I wouldn't even think of blowing my money on the types of things I always see poor people get
>>213640>The average American income is 30k, meaning about 2500 a month (and I'm rounding down on these statistics btw) which isn't hard at all to budget for rent, car insurance, tax, baby needs, groceries etc if you aren't a complete retard with your money
Yeah assuming the person has no credit card or school debt, or media debt, plus has a really good insurance plan through their job (assuming their job provides insurance), also factor in gas money, car payments and insurance, and all the little emergency costs that make up life. It is very difficult to raise a child on $30k a year (which depending on where you live, is $25k or less after tax, social security etc is taken out)
Just scraping by with barely enough isnt living, this gives no entertainment money (subscription services, toys, phone, internet), I think you still think life is like it was in the 1980s.
In most places, rent alone is $1000, leaving you with $1500 to survive on for 4 weeks.
> Don't pretend like there's an issue among American poor people spending a ton of money on things they absolutely do not need
Do you not see the difference in someone low income frivolously spending money on themselves and someone low income deciding to have an entire child that depends on them 100% for survival? This entire part of your post just sounds like
>dumb thots are spending money on nails and jewelry instead of making babies!
I easily found several apartments with rent under 800 in plenty of suburban areas in major cities. It's not that hard. There's a labor shortage now so I don't see why one would be using a ton of gas, and if you went to school you should be able to get a better paying job that didn't have you scraping by and if you chose a low paying major or dropped out that's on you.and if you can't figure out how to entertain yourself cheaply then that's your own fault>>213677
Why do people here get so offended when you point out a lot of people have poor spending habits? What an insane conclusion especially considering I pointed out poor people who are too poor to afford diapers shouldn't have kids. I'm just saying if low income people can afford to spend their money on bullshit all the time then why would someone who earns slightly more than them be able to afford a family?>>213680
The entire argument started about ages to have kids…
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Seriously? How hard it is to put location and price range into apartment websites?
Jesus Christ you are really looking for a reason to be offended
I agreed with you when you said people who are too poor to afford diapers shouldn't have kids and somehow it means my argument changed and I'm telling people not to be poor??? WTF??>I don't like what you say therefore you must be living like this
First I'm a scrote, than I'm some foreigner who doesn't know anything about America, and now I'm a student. Great. All because I said people need to be more responsible with their money and the age they have children. Only on lolcow will people get offended over that
>>213673>Nta but most people aren’t dumb thots who work at walmart either lol.
then you're missing the point of my post, it's that regular americans always live above their means. It's not "impossible" for someone in their 20s to have a child and be financially stable if they aren't stupid >You sound seriously young, thinking that it’s a great idea to have a baby when you can barely pay for the basics (to say nothing of saving for college or extracurricular activities) is delusional.
point to me where i said at all that I wanted people to have kids when they're unable to pay for basics. I'm just saying people overestimate the cost of children and don't factor in the importance of age and how aging will affect your kids while they are growing up. Having kids when you're dirt poor is careless, having kids that will have to spend their 30s-40s being their caregiver and raising their own children is also careless and the average person can easily care for a family if the budget correctly
Since you really don't seem to be getting it, I made a hypothetical budget for $30,000 a year, which after accounting for taxes (as well as the tax credit you get for having a dependent) gives you ~$2,200 a month to work with. The amounts are based on what I'm paying living in a relatively low cost of living city.
In terms of personal expenses (what you have to pay solely to support yourself), there's $800 for rent, $100 for electricity, $50 for heat, $0 for water (most apartments have free water), $100 for health insurance (assuming you have a good marketplace plan with generous state subsidies), $90 for internet, $100 for a phone plan, $200 for food, $140 for car insurance, and $100 for gas. That's already $1,680, leaving you $520 for baby expenses.
Diapers cost $75 per month, and medical care for babies averages out to $200 per month (even with health insurance, you have copays, deductibles, and tests that aren't covered by your plan to deal with). That leaves you with just $245 to pay for baby clothes ($60 a month on average), baby furniture, hygiene supplies, toys, childcare ($200 a month on average), infant formula ($150 a month on average), safety devices, extra health insurance premiums, and anything else that inevitably comes up. This is already assuming that you don't have college loans or other debts, and that you're not paying for renters insurance or any kind of leisure for yourself. Even without all of that, you'd be spending to the hilt if not actively in the red.
Having a medical emergency or car accident could put you in debt for years, which means that you'd have even less money to spend. You wouldn't be able to let your child take music lessons or play league sports, and you definitely wouldn't be able to save for their college expenses. None of this has anything to do with bad budgeting or being extravagant, and you have to be super uneducated to think otherwise.
That's just bad budgeting, in most states in America you could get medicaid if you make 30k and under (I got approved for it making 37k, they also get you approved faster if you have a baby as well), and that's if your employee doesn't already provide you with insurance. And in America if you're under 26 you could get your parents insurance so I'm not sure why you even included health insurance premiums since that should be last case scenario
As for formula you can easily cut costs in half to entirely by breastfeeding (which Medicaid in most states offer free breast pumps), if for some reason your baby isn't consuming your milk then that would be applicable but that's really rare and there's many programs that can and will help. As for baby supplies in most families baby furniture, clothes, toys, is often passed down and there's a baby store here where you can easily walk in with 10 dollars and get a couple of outfits, toys, supplies, crafts, etc.
Your budget is referencing if someone who is making 30k a year gets absolutely no help from their family, government programs, and doesn't even try to help themselves
And before you say "don't use charity!!" It's literally there to help
lower income people survive, also in my experience Medicaid is better than private insurances anyway, obviously don't rely on charity forever but use it as a stepping stone and always look for alternatives
This has to be a larp lmao. How else would you not know that American employers almost never cover 100% of your premiums (and obviously none of your copays, deductibles, etc)? The average employer sponsored health plan cost $599 per month in 2020, and employers paid 83% of that on average, which means that the average employee pays $102 per month. That's almost exactly what I estimated.
If you're not making shit up, you're neglecting to mention some weird extenuating factors when it comes to Medicaid approval. Unless you live in Washington DC, there's no way you qualify for Medicaid as a family of 2 making $30,000 a year. The state with the highest cutoff after DC is Connecticut, and they only extend Medicaid to single parents making less than $27,872.
Also, being covered by your parents' health plan doesn't mean that you're getting free coverage, it just means that your parents are paying for you. If what you're saying is that having a baby at 23 is super easy so long as your parents are willing and capable of paying for everything… well yeah, that's obviously true lol.
It's ironic that you keep accusing others of budgeting badly when you think not having enough money to cover emergencies and accidents (not to mention everyday necessities like clothing and furniture) is totally fine. What the fuck are you supposed to do if you lose your job? What if your baby has a disability or chronic illness? Willingly putting your child into a situation where a random car accident could mean not having enough to eat is straight up negligent, and no amount of uwu mother's love is going to offset that.
>>213798>As for formula you can easily cut costs in half to entirely by breastfeeding
many women cannot breastfeed, it's too painful, or they don't produce enough milk, or they have a fussy baby that needs milk alternatives for whatever reason, also if a woman is working most jobs are not providing paid time off to breastfeed
>but that's really rare and there's many programs that can and will help.
no, it's not really rare>https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2013/09/23/225349120/to-succeed-at-breast-feeding-most-new-moms-could-use-help#:~:text=Three%20days%20after%20giving%20birth,said%20pain%20was%20a%20problem.>Three days after giving birth, 92 percent of the new mothers said they were having problems breast-feeding. Half of the mothers reported problems with getting the baby to latch on to the breast, or other feeding issues like nipple confusion, when a baby may prefer a bottle. And 44 percent said pain was a problem. And 40 percent said they felt that they weren't producing enough milk.
also not every woman should breastfeed, it takes parenting responsibilities away from men, who are already getting off easy and light when it comes to fatherhood
>As for baby supplies in most families baby furniture, clothes, toys, is often passed down
what is safe and appropriate for a baby changes as the years go on. the swings that my mom used to put me in when i was baby in the 90s are not sold anymore because they are considered unsafe. this also requires constantly being able to drive out to multiple thrift and charity shops in order to hope they have what you need that day
that $850 a month apartment on greene avenue is a farce. you're renting a ROOM. not the full apartment with amenities, read the actual listing, why don't you. you'd be sharing with roommates, strangers. do you want to raise a child while living with roommates?
from the listing>Grab this opportunity, Looking to fill the rooms at a gorgeous 4 bedroom apartment!
>Rent for full apartment=$3400, Rent per room=$850
this is the same for the woodward ave unit as well. these are bedrooms. and when it comes to filling up rooms in apartments, most people don't want to live with families with children.
>>213824>Thinking that being on your parents insurance = "them paying for everything"
Times changing, adjust to in. It's completely normal in most cultures to have your parents help you out financially here in there and obviously not being completely self-sufficient
>Bad situations could arise
Again, if you have good health coverage then it should cover that. There's a labor shortage right now so it isn't impossible to find a new job after you lose one. And there's so many programs for disability especially in younger children. >>213853
Also why are you acting like thrift stores are a terrible and hard option? Obviously research the objects you're buying it, clean it good, etc. I even know people who shop at thrift stores regularly even though they can easily afford new things just because you can get great discounts on items that are barely used
You just sound prissy if you think that it's impossible to get good things from thrift shops regularly.
As for breastfeeding goes trouble with breast feeding doesn't mean you can't breast feed at all, I mentioned you can cut costs in half with breast feeding not completely remove the costs all together, and there's different ways to increase milk supply>>213854
I lived in shared homes before that allowed children, sure it's not favorable but there's always the option of moving to a cheaper neighborhood and especially if you start a small farm or ranch you can even get a good grant and buy beautiful cheap properties in the Midwest and west. Of course that option is a bit out there but my point still stands that you can find great properties in cheaper areas for as low as 400$ a month>>213856
Anon is weird and keeps trying to make everything sound sexist
because breastfeeding is extra stress on the mother, and men even in ideal situations don't preform as many childcare duties as mothers do.
>I don't know if it's fair to say women shouldn't breastfeed (if they can and want to) just because of that.
i never said that anywhere>>213858>Again, if you have good health coverage then it should cover that. There's a labor shortage right now so it isn't impossible to find a new job after you lose one. And there's so many programs for disability especially in younger children.
the "labor shortage" is due to there being a ton of entry level, high stress shitty low paying jobs that offer terrible benefits. you can't have it both ways, you can't say "well just have good health insurance" and then push for people to take any old shitty job out there, and programs for children with disabilities are dependent on location and insurance, and they take a lot of time and paperwork to get into.
>sure it's not favorable but there's always the option of moving to a cheaper neighborhood and especially if you start a small farm or ranch you can even get a good grant and buy beautiful cheap properties in the Midwest and west.
you were the one posting those apartments like they were secret cheap hidden gems that no ones ever thought of before but you, and now when faced with a rebuttal, you're backtracking and admit it's not "favorable".
god forbid people want to bring children into the world under favorable circumstances. i don't want my children to survive, i want them to thrive.
>>213862>the "labor shortage" is due to there being a ton of entry level, high stress shitty low paying jobs that offer terrible benefits.
For the first time in years places are constantly raising their wages, especially in fast food. In tip based jobs you can make a lot of money. I knew food delivery drivers who made 4k monthly. It's not that hard>ou can't say "well just have good health insurance"
you can't just put words in my mouth, I gave several options on not paying insurance which you quickly claimed I said "make your parents pay for everything" simply because I mentioned people can be on their parents insurance until they are 26>programs for children with disabilities are dependent on location and insurance, and they take a lot of time and paperwork to get into.
Yes but most locations have them, especially if you're near a big city. there are 10+ national organizations too that you don't need insurance for too. Sure they take paperwork but if you have a high risk of a child having a disability then don't have kids and please ffs do not take this out of context to argue more
>you were the one posting those apartments like they were secret cheap hidden gems that no ones ever thought of before but you
you asked me to post apartments and now you're complaining? I KNOW you aren't stupid enough to not know cheap apartments exist but you're the one who pretended like there was no possible way to find an apartment under 1000 around every major city>now when faced with a rebuttal, you're backtracking and admit it's not "favorable".
How is that backtracking at all? I'm standing by what I said, do you think you deserve a luxury apartment in new york and anything less is me backtracking?
>god forbid people want to bring children into the world under favorable circumstances. i don't want my children to survive, i want them to thrive.
No one is saying that. No one. The only thing I'm saying is that people underestimate how financially stable a lot of people in their 20s could truly be if they acted responsible with their finances and that you have to consider how your age will affect your children. Forcing your child to deal with your aging in their 30s and all the possible complications of a geriatric pregnancy is just as bad popping out babies when you can't afford diapers (even though both opinions apparently offend you)
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Has anyone used the Clearblue Fertility Monitor before? The interface looks clunky, but it would be nice to have four days to try, instead of two.
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Has anybody used or considered cloth diapering? What kind of experience did you have? I'd have to get them washed since we don't have a washer-dryer, but we're thinking about it for earlier potty training.
I have to agree with >>215291
I’m lucky to have a lot of help from my husband (we both work from home), but even with this amount of freedom, I think adding diaper washing to the mix would be irritating as hell combined with everything else. You could still always pick up a few just to see if you can handle the maintenance (I’d definitely stick to disposable until the meconium poops are over at least). If you can’t handle it, at least you’ll have tried and only wasted money on a few pairs + the washing fee.
Reiterating this: If you don’t want kids, don’t have them. That being said, if you think you do want kids but don’t feel the baby fever around other people’s babies, I wouldn’t necessarily take that as a sign. One of my coworkers has a kid who’s in middle school now; she’s a super loving, involved parent and the two of them have a really good relationship. She’s told me on more than one occasion, “I don’t like kids, I don’t want to touch other peoples babies, but I love my kid.” I think some people are just like that.
Be realistic with yourself and be honest about how willing you really are to totally change your lifestyle and priorities for the foreseeable future. I love being a parent and all it entails, but I would never judge anyone for deciding that it’s not for them. It really is a ton of work, especially in the beginning.
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I’ve been torn by the same feelings nona. We’re both high functioning, high earning healthy people who eat well and try to avoid whatever’s bad for us, and I’m educated enough on biochem/nutritional health to do just about everything that would reduce the likelihood of our baby turning out retarded. Like, shit, I feel less retarded taking the health measures I have and I’ve been autistic forever obvs, they’re good protocols.
I love him, we’re stable, he’s the best. But I’m left so hesitant by the possibility that our genetics will fuck us over anyway. I know both his parents were autistic and he turned out wonderfully. But wouldn’t that make it all the worse, me throwing my own genes into the mix?
I’ve come around from being a fence sitter to wanting kids, but I really don’t know what to do in light of this. I wanted to adopt children with or without a biological child in the mix. The possibility that I just won’t be able to because the person I love is like me makes me sad, and I don’t know what will win out- personal selfish sadness or my morality.
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Despite my kneejerk “but bringing them into this world damaged would be wrong “ logic kicking in, I think that simple anecdote has gotten me over my tard-child phobia. I’ve actually looked after a number of special needs children in the system and I did love them, too, and felt they were precious and deserving of life regardless of their setbacks. I think I could make a semi-disabled biological child’s life worth living as well.
I think I needed to hear that from a stranger. Thank you for the common sense!
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is anyone else Rh+ and really scared of having miscarriages?
my mom is Rh+, dad Rh-, and she had 3 miscarriages in between me and my brother
I know some women who are Rh+ with a Rh- man and just have one child because of this
but I've already been pregnant before I was raped as a teenager and miscarried from stress, and I don't know what the blood type was
regardless I want a lot of kids. I know that there's more medical care for pregnant women who are Rh+ with a Rh- father, but miscarrying was so traumatizing I've considered "vetting" men before I date them to make sure they're Rh+
He's genuinely the love of my life.
He backtracked his rationale for wanting me to terminate my pregnancy and said he wants to get married before having kids, which is understandable enough.
So I go, "we have 9 months let's just do it soon and keep the pregnancy a secret"
Nope- that's not good enough for him because it's a "shotgun wedding" in his books.
I'm fucking shook, Western moids are allergic to accountability.
In the culture I am from, this shit does not fly.
He is truly a piece of shit, I’m sorry it’s such a shock that you think you still like him. He’s only changing his wording now because he’s trying to save face, which is why his actual opinion hasn’t changed. At least he was honest the first time so you don’t have to guess what he’s thinking.Nonnie
, please consider a future where you end up getting the abortion and marrying this waste of air. Imagine that you two have been together for years, and that money is just OK with the both of your working. Now consider his reaction when you suddenly come down with a debilitating illness that requires you to quit your job and rest. What do you think he’ll do when he’s required to give up his free time or put fun money aside and step up?
I’m sorry I don’t have any advice on keeping the pregnancy. Do you have any money saved? Family members willing to help? Can you afford to take time off of work or school for a few months (at least) after birth? Kids are a lot of work, even with a spouse and extra help. Consider the kind of life you’ll realistically be able to give your child.
This is not a matter of culture. This man is responsible for his own shitty and pushy reaction to this news and it is all on him that he's treating you the way that he is. You need to put that on him and not some general trend in a part of the world that he's just following. You're getting a good look at who he truly is right now. Chalking this up to culture is you putting the blame on anything but him.
You can have the child or not have it but if you're planning out your future and mapping out what both of those options look like.. for the love of god do not include this man in your future plans either way. Take this massive wake up call and end the engagement that sounds like it never meant shit to him anyway. He obviously made this gesture of commitment but it's a total facade.
>>216085>shotgun wedding>you're already engaged
you're already planned on getting married, but won't speed up your wedding so you don't have to undergo the trauma of having an abortion?
how old are the both of you if you don't mind me asking? and how long have you been together/engaged?
If you don't want to have an abortion, that's enough reason for you to keep it. Don't make that decision for anyone else. You're the one who lives with the consequences, and if you feel pressured or coerced into one, it can really suck afterwards. I've been there.
If you do keep it though - unless he fully runs and dumps you with the kid, your dogshit fiancé will always be in your life. That's if your relationship is over or not - he's your kids father. Honestly I think your relationship is doomed, so you'll be stuck co-parenting with him forever. Dealing with his new girlfriends, if he potentially marries/has kids with someone else etc. Consider that before you make your decision, because maybe it would be best to make a clean break and move on.
Whatever you do, I wish you all the best. It's a really hard situation to be in and it's also really, really hard to make the decision that's right for you. Keep us updated anon
Anon here, thank you all so much for your insight and empathy. I've been lurking lc for a while but this is the first time I've posted anything personal and I'm overwhelmed with appreciation for what a compassionate place this site can be.
Update on my situation - my mans has since apologized for his reaction. He told me that while he was scared of the idea of becoming a dad this early (he's in his late 20s, I'm mid 20s), he did not want to hurt me and regrets his behavior. He told me he'll support me and stay by my side no matter what decision I make.
We're communicating and planning our future like civil adults now, which has put me in a much better headspace.
Thank you again.
This late twenties man told you to abort it so he can keep on having fun with his friends.. for him to change his mind again that quickly is highly concerning anon.
If you have any women you can confide in irl please do and tell them about his first reaction and this sudden 180 too.. he's not a supportive or stable partner and you have a life changing situation here that's way too time sensitive for this shit. He's being too flippant about whether he's in this or not. You don't want to ignore that.
Miscarriage anon from here. STILL
bleeding and passing things. Had to get the pill prescribed to me and administer all four pills twice
, had like 6 ultrasounds and 4 blood tests I couldn't afford and last Friday the doctor literally pulled the egg sac out of me with no anaesthetic because it was stuck in my cervix. I just keep bleeding and bleeding. I've been going through this shit since November 1st. I'm so miserable. This was literally our first try and I got pregnant immediately. Doctor says I should have no problem conceiving in the future, but holy shit. I've never heard of someone going through a miscarriage as slowly as I have. Over a fucking month of my miserable life like this. If miscarriage happens to me again I'm getting the D&C even though I don't think we could afford it. I wish I could wake up one of you Euro nonnies with free healthcare, I'm so upset at the toll this has taken on my life. I feel like I'm being punished.
I can commiserate with you. I remember turning 24 and getting anxious and hoping I could find a man who I loved and start a family shortly and live happily ever after because I wanted to at least start a family before turning 30. Welp I’m 27 now, have found someone I love, however, we’re both poor and I have no idea how we will ever afford to have kids. We both have shit jobs and I don’t know how I’ll ever buy a house with the way the market is now.
I can relate to the parent situation too. My mom had me when she was 40 and I’ve had constant anxiety about my parents aging all my life. I’m so scared to possibly lose them in the next 1-2 decades. I don’t want to have kids old and have them experience that.
I hope you find someone nonna and get to start a family someday so you won’t ever have to be all alone like you fear.
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Finally ovulated yesterday and am really crossing my finger that it's going to happen this cycle. We have been trying since October and this is only my second cycle, first one after getting off the pill was 35 days, ovulated on cycle day 21 and this time I ovulated on cycle day 32. I have PCO (not PCOS) and always had very long and irregular cycles before I went on birth control. My gynecologist has told me it might take a really long time to get pregnant so I am very anxious. It's not even that I want to have a baby IMMEDIATELY, but I can not afford to wait and I would just like to know that my body works and I can have one. It really sucks when your own body is so unreliable and I just have this fear that I will be one of those women who try for years with no success.
Wish me luck Nonitas.
This is really late and I'm sure there may have been changes, but please be cautious about this. My best friend's fiancé immediately reacted the same exact way, wanting her to abort, as soon as she told him about her unexpected pregnancy she wanted to keep. she threatened to break things off and be a single mom if he wasn't willing or wanting a child now, and he backpedaled the same way your SO did. Said he would do anything he could to support her and their child.
Well the baby ate too much into his video game time and time with friends, so he just plain stopped coming home after work and would go directly to friends' homes without answering her phonecalls. His brothers had to force him to go home to see his own child. Because he wouldn't help set up initial childcare, she was financially dependent and taking care of the baby full time. Once he used all the money for formula to buy weed and I had to buy some. He began to treat the baby with contempt and one time screamed to the crying child, "You ruined my life".
She moved in with her sister and I helped chip in for childcare until she was back on her feet with a job. He has no interest in seeing his child but full interest in trying to have sex with her. She's had to NC him and use the court for child support as he refused to help if she wasn't going to be with him.
This could be your future. It probably won't be, but I've seen this exact same play before. Please be careful with what you do.
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Update to my last post, I ended up conceiving on Christmas day and am now 4 weeks and 3 days prego! Thank you for wishing me luck, it worked! I am super excited, this is my first time ever being pregnant and I have my first ultrasound appointment in two weeks!
Congratulations! I’m happy for you nonnie
. My only advice is to get into a regular, light exercise routine if your aren’t already. Building some more muscle is easiest early on, and it will help your mobility immensely when you get bigger. Daily walking, stretching, and light arms weights are easy enough on the body until you reach the stable period. I’m wishing you an easy first trimester!
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Thank you nonnas! We usually take a long walk together every evening and I do some yoga exercises, I will keep it up!
Kek, love ya. Nonnies from conservative cultures who are with Western men loooove to go on about the beneficial aspects of their traditional culture and customs; too bad nonny
forgot that while it’s true that a man telling a woman to abort “doesn’t fly”, dating and having pre-martial sex “doesn’t fly” as well. Neither does abortion. Neither do a lot of things which I presume nonny
does, but I assume that she does love to pick whatever suits her from either side and leave the rest.
>>237330>preserving the good parts of your culture and throwing out the bad is a good thing
No, unless you have don’t have any integrity. That’s called cherry picking. And having inconsistent beliefs. And implies a really bad case of cognitive dissonance. But you have to tell yourself something to sleep at night, so.>worship of white/western scrotes
Don’t give a shit about them. Never even mentioned politics. Work on your reading comprehension.
Yeah, this happens for most people. Obviously as a teenager/early twenties you don't want kids, you're still preoccupied with trying to take care of yourself and forming as a human being. Which is why I just laugh when people that age tell me they will never want kids FOR SURE! 100% CERTAIN!!! Like, you have no idea lol. I am not at all the same person I was in my early 20s.
Your priorities in life change a lot as you grow older and it's also just a biological process, your brain is literally telling you it's time to reproduce and suddenly babies are super fucking cute and when you see a dad with his child being cute it makes you swoon. That's just biology and it happens to most people eventually. I think the only people who don't go through this change of perspective are people who are traumatized from abuse or autistic.
Your worries are all fair and worried about things means you will be a good mom. Honestly this is all really normal and the decision to have a child with someone is a really big one, that you SHOULD put a lot of thought into.
You might want to wait a little bit and see how he turns out. Don't you want to get married first? Although, if you're gonna wait for a man who cleans up after himself without you nagging him… well you might be waiting a long time. There are not many of them who do that willingly. They are pretty rare specimen.
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It's in our DNA to procreate. Wanting to have offspring as an adult is entirely normal. Human brains aren't even fully developed until ~25, so no, I wouldn't expect an underdeveloped person to know what they want for the rest of their life. Imo, people who end up not having children in their lifetime solely because they don't want them (as opposed to never having a chance/being infertile or something) are a tiny minority.
He's always going to not be big on cleaning and will miss the small things because most men are like that. Everything else you've mentioned my soon to be husband did too, but he's changed so much over the years we've been together and I can't imagine a better father for my future kids. You've been together only a year, if he treats you well and you love him give each other the space and time and environment to grow as people. You'll figure out eventually if he's dad material or not.
OT, I never wanted kids but my biological clock kicked about a year ago and I can't fucking wait to have kids. We're not trying yet because I'm doing a postgraduate and the timing isn't quite right but I always hope for a happy accident and genuinely get bummed when I get my period. My fiance never used to want kids either but his opinion has shifted too. He doesn't want them as soon as I do but I caught him watching a clip of a dad comforting his kid by climbing in their cot and he was smiling and it was the cutest thing ever. Jesus my baby fever is real I wish it would chill out a bit because I need to graduate lol.
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I'm so gutted. My husband and I were two months out from our planned date for trying for a baby and now it's pushed back due to a life changing event. We had six months of savings and I was at peak health and now we're below 10k in savings and I'm too sick for a healthy pregnancy. I had my midwifery team picked out and my husband started to have real opinions on things like baby gear and parenting styles. I feel like a fool, doing everything to prepare and getting so excited. I'm worried about not reaching my desired family size. Do any nonnas who have dealt with timeline disruptions have any tips? >>238930
Through your early 20s you're basically a kids yourself, so it's normal to feel like you don't want kids. >>243634
Pay careful attention to how he treats you when you get sick or injured enough that you need him to take care of things like making dinner and doing dishes. Men do mature a lot in their 20s, but how/if they rise to an occasion rarely/never does.
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I had my 10 week ultrasound yesterday and it was SO FREAKING COOL! It finally looks like a baby now (I had one at 5 weeks and 7 weeks and it just looked like a little nugget) but I saw the arms and legs waving around and it was soooo active and swimming around in there and hearing the heartbeat was so amazing. I am so sad that my fiancé has not been allowed to come with me so far due to Covid restrictions and I am not even allowed to film it, but next time (12 weeks) he is allowed to come!
It finally feels real to me now after seeing my baby look like a proper baby, I could even see the nose, eyes and ears. I can't wait to be 20 weeks and feel it move! I am so happy!
Congrats anon! So glad you got to see your lil strawberry wiggling around.
I wasn’t allowed to take pics or videos either, they just gave me one printed picture at my 12 week scan. My husband wasn’t allowed to come to any of my appointments until the second anatomy scan at 24 weeks (baby was uncooperative for the first one lol) and he felt so excluded. I understand that covid protocols are in place for a reason but it really sucks for dads to not be able to take part early on.
Thank you for the positive thoughts.>>245645
It could take a while to get pregnant, which is what makes me so anxious. As long as I'm as sick as I am, a pregnancy would not be prudent. As far as money goes, it's not the cost of the baby, but the need for an emergency fund.
You're still in your twenties, maybe treat your upcoming big birthday as motivation to really think about what you want and whether your husband is worth sacrificing that for, I'd argue that parenthood isn't something you should ever sacrifice for a partner. Half of all marriages end, factor in his young age and that increases the rate of divorce even more. Add in that you dont agree on this major part of life and it shoots up again.. you might be better off starting over at 30 than sinking more years into this. You're not trapped. You have time to think about what you want.
Staying because you feel too old to start over or because you'll never find someone to love you again.. that's the exact same shit abused women say to themselves.
To anyone who’s been pregnant more than once: did your feet get a little bigger each time? Or just the first time? I didn’t have any changes in my body after pregnancy, sans a slight increase in foot width. I can wear all of my pre-pregnancy shoes, they’re just a bit tight now.
I’m worried that if it happens again I’ll end up getting sized out of both my own shoes, and basically all readily available/cheap new shoes though. >>248676
Have you tried totally cutting salt? I know it’s pretty difficult, but it might be worth a shot. My mom had horrible swelling/bloating throughout her entire pregnancy with me and cutting salt was the only thing that helped.
Go ahead and get a pair or two of maternity pants. Wearing clothes that cut into your stomach will make the bloated feeling worse.>>249011
I am so sorry you had to go through that. What needs to fall in place so you can leave your bf? Do you live far away from family and friends, or are they out of the picture completely?
If it makes you feel better, I hardly showed and blew up everywhere else as well. However, as soon as I started breastfeeding that went waaaaay down and I regained my pre-baby body pretty quickly. It's crazy how much your body burns to create that stuff. Your boobs might take a while to go down but as soon as your body "realises" how much your baby is eating they'll settle. Honestly my midwife was really helpful so it might be worth asking her if you have one.
Best of luck & enjoy your little baby nonnie
Anon i highly discourage against home births, a lot of women don't feel pain with certain conditions that 100% need medical attention, my mother had Placental abruption and thought it was normal contractions, if she hadn't gone to the hospital i'dve ended up either dead or with cerebal palsy (or worse like Luna from the Luna and Robin thread if you want some real anti home birth propaganda), I still have a few motor issues and autism but nothing that heavily impacts my life.
Please, for the sake of your children don't fucking homebirth.
anon i can't say my own experiences but both my mother and my sister had home births and I plan to also eventually. They both enjoyed the process and did not like the idea of having to do it in a hospital. Homebirths do have a higher infant mortality rate, so thats something you have to accept. I would never do a homebirth if the pregnancy was high risk, if you lived really far away from a hospital, or if you had multiples.
Personally (as long as those things don't apply) I cannot imagine giving birth in a hospital, I've seen too many horror stories from women in them, and it isn't like bad things don't happen in hosptials too. I don't want to sound corny but at the end of the day you are bringing a life into this world, and you want that experience to be good. I would recommmend doing a lot of research before deciding. It is a very personal decison though and I hope you find happiness no matter which you choose!
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I feel like I'm too old to have a baby. I've been crying about it alot recently. Maybe it's for the best, even though I love children and I know I would be a good mother, maybe it's better to just let this go.
To all the mothers here I wish you the best and I send my love.
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pregnant with twin girls atm, 30 weeks. i have no idea wtf am i doing aaaaaaa
NTA but same, my mom had me at 38 and I turned out healthy too (aside from browsing lc) even more so than my brother who was born when she was 23.>>252055
Congrats! Wishing you lots of luck and energy for when your girls arrive.
I've considered adoption, because it would be great to give a child a welcoming home and family. I know this sounds selfish, but I also want to experience pregnancy too. It's difficult to explain over text but within the last six months, I've undergone a profound psychological change in which I feel a part of the cycle of life. It was a change in my psyche and it had alot to do with communicating with my ancestors. I know that sounds weird but I can't deny the impact it's had on my way of looking at the world. I see life as momentary change, everything happening all at once in a passing singularity, and I see myself as part of the cycle of birth, death, and rebirth.>>252090
I'm 27. I know I'm young, healthy, and capable of taking care of a baby. The reason I'm bummed out is I doubt I'll ever find a husband to do this with, and I'm committing the next two years of my life to graduate school. I have this specific fear that by the time I'm 30 my eggs won't be good anymore lol.
Yesterday my parents were congratulating me on getting into grad school, and I was happy that they were happy, but when it was just me and my mom I joked around and said I hope I find a husband at university. It feels like I'm going through the motions of being a grad student when deep down all I want to do is be a mother.
Sorry for the long post. In the past year, four women in my apartment building have had babies, and everytime I see them my brain emotionally short circuits
I had to have my other ovary removed too, my doctors told me that it shouldn't affect my fertility at all and I should be able to get pregnant with only one just the same. So don't worry, like >>252692
said just keep a healthy lifestyle and you should be fine. That's what I was told at least, and I know multiple women who have gotten pregnant with only ovary.
You could do 23 and me or some shit. Also knowing your family history is a good start. I never got genetic testing done before pregnancy but I was tested while pregnant. They test for Down syndrome mostly. My father carries the gene for cystic fibrosis(a terminal illness), and so they tested me to see if I was also a carrier. Thankfully I am not.
I don’t believe you can test for things like autism but if you have family that is autistic, then the chances are higher.
I have a daughter too and got peach fuzz all over my tum, back, thighs and butt. It's actually weird because growing more hair during pregnancy actually means higher estrogenhttps://www.healthline.com/health/hairy-belly#:~:text=When%20you're%20pregnant%2C%20your,the%20hair%20on%20your%20head
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I'm sorry anon. Even if it wasn't meant to be that's still a rough thing to go through. Hope you are okay after this ♥
Nobody really cares about how you look except your husband and ideally, he won't find stretch marks a big deal.
Our bodies change as we age and we're all going to be ugly one day, there's no way around it.
There are some creams that can help reduce scarring afaik. You can visit a derm to see your options.
Then again, stretch marks aren't really noticeable and I've had them from my teens but only noticed years later when someone ill intentioned pointed them out. If even you yourself can't notice them and only people nitpicking you can, are they really that big of a deal? Some women have worse marks and that's why I also mentioned the creams or oils at the start, you can still do something about it if you find that you can't accept the changes and want to lessen their intensity.
Ugh sorry nona. I puked a TON with my daughter too but not as much or as long as you. The final weeks are the worst too.
The last couple of weeks with my son, I was in so much pain I was walking on my hands and knees at times. Sometimes I laid down on the floor not moving because my pelvis felt like it was going to explode. He sat soooo low.
Once she’s out you’ll feel much better. Start nesting! Keeps your mind off your body and keeps you focused on the baby.
The same thing happen to me. My daughter would not stop moving during the ultrasounds.
By the third trimester, from my experience, the movements will be a little slower but a lot stronger, if that makes sense? My little one will slowly stretch, kick and punch me for like 10 to 15 minutes straight. The worst is when they start to kick you in the ribs and bladder. Also, they might move around so much it wakes you up at night.
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my husband and I have began trying to conceive. i have an appointment with my gyno in a couple of weeks, but i was wondering if any nonas have helpful tips + can link some websites, apps, etc. i have no idea where to start reading information. i have ordered some folic acid and pre natal vitamins but am so not sure what else to do! ♥
"It starts with the egg" Is a book thats often recommended, otherwise I read /r/tryingtoconceive on reddit for some advice, but be warned, it's reddit so most women on there are neurotic and fat weirdos who make their husbands jizz in cups and then self-inseminate cause their husbands all have ED. They know all about the theory of getting pregnant tho, they just can't put it in practice. They have good resources and you can ask a lot of questions.
Some ovulation tests and tracking your ovulation with an app like premom or fertilityfriend could also help. These apps ask you to track your basal body temperature to figure out your ovulation and with premom you can take pictures of your ovulation tests (buy a big box of cheap ones on amazon you can get like 50 for $10) and it will read them for you, you will also need a special thermometer for this.
Of course you don't have to do any tracking at all unless you don't conceive within a couple of months of trying naturally. I tracked everything just for fun and because it became a little bit of an obsession, but we just had sex every day and got pregnant in my second cycle off the pill.
Where do you live? They usually don’t take your baby away unless it needs serious medical attention right away. Skin to skin is pretty standard practice (I live in California) here and no one takes your baby away unless you allow it. And any time they took my baby for a test or something, their dad always went with. You are the advocate for the baby so they don’t /can’t do anything without consent.
I’ve never heard of not doing skin to skin as soon as the baby is born. Although I think if you get a cesarean done, it’s a little different since you’re numb from the neck down or something. But they still put the baby on you. You’re the warmest thing and it’s cold for a baby once they’re out of the womb. The feeling is amazing - I’ll never forget it especially with my first. Made me cry so hard.
As for the anxiety…can’t help you. I had a few panic attacks during birth. Nitrous helps- ask for it. Midwives are better and you can ask for a doula.
The hospital I gave birth at never cuts and I never tore. Depends where you go I guess.
Your birthing hospital should offer classes. Take them all.
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I've never really had "baby feelings" before, but recently I've started dreaming of having sons and in my dreams the love I feel for them is so visceral it's actually making me want a baby. I'm married and we have good jobs and maybe it's time?
I would have been in a similar boat but my husband was laid off right around when the baby was born (when everything went to hell because of covid). My main advice would be to have tons of easily prepared or ready made food (especially frozen food that you've frozen yourself) ready. Same for all other supplies but food is the main one.
I'm sorry you guys are in this situation, is it at all possible to get a doula or family member or something to visit you? I don't want to scare you or put you off but I was a total wreck after birth, I would have had a very hard time doing it alone.
The only thing you really should do a couple of months in advance of trying for a baby is to start taking prenatal vitamins, especially folic acid, you need a depot of it in your body to help your babies brain grow within the first couple of weeks so it's good to start in advance.
I got pregnant the second cycle off birth control, but it took me a while to ovulate each cycle, I ovulated on cycle day 32 when I got pregnant. Your periods will probably not be regular at first.
You don't need to be super fit or live organic to start trying, if you are overweight you should try to lose some weight because being overweight during pregnancy can increase risks of gestational diabetes, high birth weight in the baby etc. Also you might have a harder time ovulating if you are overweight or obese.
Thanks for your reply anon.
Are there any foods I should avoid while preparing?
I got some on my stomach at like 38 weeks and I was absolutely distraught. My mother is a toxic
cunt who's bragged about how fast her body bounced back after she had kids and how she never got stretch marks even after having 3 kids. I never told her I got them because I refused to give her the satisfaction but even though my son is almost 2 they still make me feel really sad. I felt like a failure for getting them, even though I rubbed stupid lotion on my belly for 9 months. Especially since people say it's genetics and my mom made sure I knew she didn't have them. I had my belly button pierced and it gave me these two really bad stretch marks that kind of shot up from where the hole is. The ones on my lower stomach faded and they really aren't that noticable, yours will fade too. After I gave birth though and saw my stomach I was so depressed I had to shower in the dark, but I had pretty severe PPD.
In cute news, today my baby gave me an actual hug for the first time and then my husband kneeled down to get one and he ran over and gave him a hug as well. It made my husband cry and it was really cute.
I don't think it's always a toxic
thing. I think in the same way that women 'forget about the pain of childbirth' that with the passing of time women have a tendency to forget alot of the negatives that happened around the birth of a child in general. That your memories get replaced with rosier versions of that time overall. Natures built in way to keep you coming back for more pregnancy.
I've witnessed friends who went through all sorts of struggle in the beginning and they just forget it all later on. It's a whole thing. Women suffering with post-partum sadly don't get blessed with the same handy amnesia that helps others cope.
Tbh you coming onto a thread about babies and talking about lunch lady bodies and being built like a brick after birth is the last thing any post-partum anon needs to read if she's having a rough time.
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For those who have had children, at what age did the baby start to have interest in dad? Was it right away, or after a while? Other than making time for skin to skin, are there other ways to strengthen the father-child bond?
My mom looked better, but that's because she quit smoking when she got pregnant. Smoking prevented her from doing sports before, so she was really excited to try them after I was born. She got into kickboxing, swing dancing, riding, and fishing, so she was more fit than she was when she smoked, plus she gained a cup size after the pregnancy. I used to think it was hot air when she said she looked better after kids, but I compared pictures and she was telling the truth.
TL;DR, it's possible to look better after pregnancy so long as it coincides with other major positive changes.
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>boobs grow from barely B to D cups
>one of them is bigger than the other
Nonna, I smoked for 17 years, had EDNOS for 4 years, which caused me to have no period for a whole year. I smoked weed and drank fairly regularly, although not heavily. Granted I biked and walked a lot and ate well once my EDNOS was resolved.
It took me 2 years to fall pregnant in my early 30s. Honestly, I thought I couldn't get pregnant. But it happened when things kind of settled down and my anxiety dropped. I quit smoking within 2 weeks and drinking right away. My pregnancy went well, aside from a few episodes of light bleeding, and my baby is healthy.
Tldr: it is never too late for a positive change. Idk about how corny this is.
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I love breastfeeding so much. Seeing my baby be so comfy and loved while nursing brings me joy and contentment unlike anything Ive ever known. I used to hate my body so much, I thought it was disgusting and dirty. But it did this amazing thing of nourishing my babies. I may not have the most toned or beautiful body, but it can do something so wonderful and for that I love it.
My six-month old is my last baby and I'm trying to soak up every moment of it. Sorry for being sappy, nonnas
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This is so sweet, wow.
Why is it SO HARD to be a parent nowadays? EVERY fucking product/ parenting advice/ whatever will at the same time, murder your child while also murdering your kid if you don't get it. There's no right from wrong anymore, one doctor will say your kid NEEDs this thing and then the next is ready to call CPS on you if you give them said product
That's not all, milestones are so weird and insanely high, you get stink eyes if you question why they need a ton of vaccines before their first birthday (I'm not antivax but there's no doubt adding this amount of vaccines for things they won't even be exposed to is ridiculous) baby products are insanely expensive and some strollers are in the literal thousands like wtf you're expected to be on your ass paranoid 24/7, expected to have a job while also raising your kids, making mom friends is now harder than it's ever been thanks to societal standards and the fact everyone's just become too freaking lazy to socialize, can't go out to places that are kid friendly since everyone thinks you're mommy fucking dearest if your baby cries for a single minute before taking care of it. My baby isn't even here yet and I'm already stressing over the fact that it seems like so many products and stuff are like "you MUST buy this… Jk it will kill your kid" medicines, dock a tot, diaper pails, etc just to name a few
Deep breathes Noni. Babies are more durable then you would believe. They’re built to survive for the most part. If your a burgerfag avoid formula and premade baby food just given the recent FDA scandals. I bought a food steamer and blender from a womens only company and just made my own. It was ten out ten a good decision. Just threw it in my own little jars and I’m the fridge.
Focus on climbing and sensory. Stay away from screen time other than 1-3 hours a day even if it’s educational there’s concerning studies on that and remember to keep yourself high nutrients most of that babies heath outcomes come from you right now. Like their teeth quality and density.
Parenting culture is shit. I would avoid it I’m sorry. People think it’s insane I take my kiddo outside every day like we didn’t do that kids ourselves?
That's what my dad did when he raised me! He'd cook my baby food himself (he was a chef).>>267220
You should read up on how parents raised kids in medieval and Renaissance times. Kids are REALLY easily entertained. As for products, I doubt you'd need even half of what is touted towards parents nowadays. You can probably find most of it second-hand and still in good condition. Children have been living and playing in dirt and grass and whatnot for thousands of years.
Tbh I just don't respond or give brief and short responses to closer people. I feel like most people understand I'm heavily pregnant and don't feel like talking to them
My MIL is a headache and was like that at the beginning of my pregnancy too, very controlling, telling us to get new doctors when doctors didn't preach "what she knows" (ex: she said doctors were quacks if they told me not to eat deli meat or put stuffed animals in the crib), went as far as cursing out my husband because we would update others but not her first kek even tried to make the pregnancy announcement herself. She's no contact now for other reasons but definitely see it as a warning, toxic
MILs who will make your pregnancy about themselves will add unnecessary stress and no one needs that
I feel the same. I used to be in the camp "Just give me everything you got, doc" until I actually read up about the pros and cons of medicated vs natural birth and just the fact that tearing is so much more likely and severe when having an epidural vs natural birth really makes me want to give natural birth a try. Plus you have to get a catheter (infection risk) and can't move around at all with an epidural, duh because you are basically paralyzed. They also say once you had one intervention, more are to follow, it's like a spiral. I just want to be able to move around and feel my body during the process. If the pain is too much you can still get an epidural.
I just keep telling myself that women have been doing this for thousands of years and you will barely remember the pain because of the rush of hormones, you just gotta get through it somehow.
I know that you can't get an epidural anymore towards the end, but you can try going through the contractions natural at first and see how you feel and if you can't stand it you can still get an epidural, most women are in labor for a couple of hours and not immediately dilated 7cm.
How do you stretch for birth?
To drop my own experience with natural birth here: Does it hurt? Yes. Was it the be all end all of pain? No. I think various circumstances can play into making it worse (baby’s position, your position, the length of the birth itself, etc), but in my case it definitely was not the worst pain I’ve ever felt. I’ve had worse ovarian cysts. I do want to mention that I had a water birth though. I feel like if I had went through the same experience, but lying on my back with my legs in the air, it would’ve been so much worse. I was allowed to move around and change positions, and even help catch my baby when they came out. Natural births are the norm in my country, and epidurals are exceedingly rare. Leading up to the birth I just reminded myself that women here, and in many parts of the world, are giving birth naturally every day and living to tell the tale (and then do it again!)
I absolutely got the impression from birth information in English that I was insane and would “definitely regret” not getting pain killers though. It made me think twice, but I’m ultimately glad I didn’t pay the out of pocket $1000 usd equivalent for an epidural.
I'm getting induced Thursday and it feels like NOTHING is working for natural induction. Raspberry tea, walking miles a day, swinging, pineapple, etc. Not even bothering to dilate me or soften my cervix
Although I did try the German labor cocktail and it DID help. I tried it last week and woke up with contractions and with the baby in the much lower position, I tried it again a few days ago and lost my mucus plug that morning. My body doesn't react to laxatives so I didn't poop/have nausea, barely any bad contractions. I definitely wanna try it again but I'm scared since so many people are saying castor oil is the devil. I also feel like if I'm not reacting badly to castor oil it should be fine? What do you anons think
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Just got my results back and I don't have gestational diabetes!
I am so glad my hard work eating healthy is paying off, I don't even have iron deficiency, so happy right now! This is such a weight off my chest.
! Happy for you!
I'm gonna be honest, I wanted a boy for my first child but I am having a girl and I was a little bit disappointed at first. Not even cause I don't want a girl at all, I totally do, but I wanted to have an older brother for my younger kids just because I always dreamed of having an older brother to protect me (I am an only child). Now I have no idea how the dynamic with an older sister will be. I also had some cringe thoughts about wanting to give my husband a son etc, cause I know that a lot of men wish for a son.
BUT my husband is actually so excited to have a little girl, he was telling me from the day I told him that I was pregnant that he knew it was a girl, he could totally feel the girl energy and he was so smug about it when it turned out to actually be a girl (I bet on boy just based off old wife tales). I think he is super happy to have a little girl that will look up to him and be his princess, so now I can't wait to see him hold our little girl and be all adorable with her, I was a daddy's girl when I was a child and have a good relationship with my dad, so I hope they will be the same. I also started to watch some mommy vloggers who have baby girls and they are all so precious and adorable and honestly, girl clothes are WAAAAY cuter and I get to play Barbies with her again and kind of re-live my childhood a bit, etc.
I still hope to have a boy too, but I think next time I won't be disappointed if it's a girl again cause I plan to have them close together and if it's another girl they can be best friends and share a room. Whatever you end up getting, there really is no negative outcome really and you will be happy about it cause it's your baby and you just love them so much.
Tbh? I lowkey feel the same way. I always wanted a boy more than a girl, but I want to have at least both… potentially at least a couple of both.
I want my girls to be very strong, low tolerance for bullshit, independent little feminists, and honestly it makes my heart warm to think about my little boys being weak willed and needy momma's boys who have separation anxiety. Of course that's not healthy, but I'd rather have a sweet harmless loving little moid than a typical moid that hates and beats women.
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I'm a girl mom and I love it, even though I had every "boy" old wives tale in the book. No one was really disappointed except my mom but she's kooky anyway. I hope to have only girls in the future
nta but how was that other post bait while >>269540
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The point is it all is. Report ignore and post what you want to talk about.
You are femcels tho. You will never have a husband, let alone kids so why do you bother to make up these weird fantasies about what you would do if you ever had a boy child and how you would abuse him? Just hide this thread if it triggers
you so much and leave the reproductive, functional people alone.
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I'm only 10 weeks pregnant so I'm definitely getting carried away with ideas about the future - but I wonder what you guys think.
Do you think you should permit children access to technology and social media and the internet in general? and how much? I tried to have this conversation with my boyfriend, but it was difficult, and I'm surprised how passionate we both felt about this issue.
I feel like we should let our children use things like computers, phones, tablets, video games etc. I know that there is an idea that we are too saturated by technology and media entertainment and that we should be abstaining more from this sort of thing in our lives - and I actually agree with that more than most people - but the thing is, there is so much of what our culture is at the moment that is stored almost exclusively on the internet. If you don't have access to a phone or a computer, you are basically not a part of society in the same way as other people are. It sounds superficial now that I write it out like this, the words were coming to me much better last night. But what I mean is that it's a new world, we live in the future, we do things on the internet now, for better or worse it's a part of our lives and we are in the world with it.
My boyfriend takes a very hardline approach to the idea - basically in his mind technology is poison and kids shouldn't be using it. Again, basically I agree ! I know what he's thinking - ESPECIALLY when you consider porn and all that shit. But I think of our child going to school and there being like 80% of what they're talking about that they don't know about, totally coming from an isolated space. There is I am sure something valuable to that as well and who I am to say that it would not be worth it in the end, but I can't help but feel like if you are the sort of parent who deprives your child of access to technology, well then you are kind of a luddite and its more rooted in your own ideas of phone usage and other stuff.
The sad truth is that if you don't let your children access technology themselves, they will probably do it with their friends when you aren't around to supervise. That's what I and every other kid with restrictive or tech-illiterate parents did in my town and it's unavoidable unless every play date happens at your house.
It's also alienating being the only one in class who doesn't get cultural references and those children ime either harness their cluelessness to pursue their own hobbies or fall really hard into catching up on all the media they missed. I think it's better to teach kids how to have healthy, age-appropriate relationships with technology and cultivate a reputation as a "cool" parent who children can come to with tech woes. Better they feel they can confide in you without fearing anger or punishment because the last thing you want is your child talking to strangers online and hiding it from you.
I agree with your boyfriend. Our kids will not have phones/tablets or access to a computer until they are teenagers and then it will only be in a controlled space like a family computer in the living room. We will not show them any media made after 2010 cause it's all crap, we will keep a harddrive of movies and tv-shows that we have vetted for them to watch. Mostly stuff we watched as kids. My kids will play outside in the garden and ride bikes and swim in the pool, like I did as a child. Child appropriate activities and playing with toys that will nurture their development, not play "Elsa pimple popper" on the tablet.
I don't give a single fuck it "everyone is on Tiktok and if you aren't then you're uncool", I will teach my kids that those things don't matter and that people who spend their days on social media watching Tiktok dances are retards and you should be glad to not be brainwashed like them. We also plan to homeschool or microschool with neighboring families who think like us.
There is no way I will ever let my kids be groomed by social media and big corporations and taught that if they like barbies as a boy they are actually girls and that becoming an OnlyFans whore is a valuable career. I know they will probably have friends that will have phones and show them shit on it, but my kids will be educated enough to deal with that and confident enough to not be sheep like them.
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Thanks. Good luck with your kids too, I'm sure they will turn out great being raised by TikTok and Youtube.
FTM stands for "first time mom">>269714
Maybe you should have read my comment a little better then because I said "until they are teenagers". I fully intend to educate them about the internet when they are old enough to understand it, but I will still have safe-guard measures in place to protect them. You also missed or ignored the part where I said we intend to micro-school them with neighboring kids, which means they will have plenty of friends and will not be isolated. You can send your kids to public school where they will be educated to be LGBTQIP+ and HIV+ by their quirky genderqueer teachers who are allowed to get them access to HRT without your knowledge if you want, as long as they are not seen as uncool by their peers for not knowing the latest TikTok dance, that's all that matters, right?
I see you completely missed the part where I wrote "restrictive" despite greentexting it. There were plenty of parents who knew what occurred on the internet and kept their children from accessing it. Those kids just went over to friend's houses with parents who were lax with the home computer and engaged with dangerous things on the internet anyway. The strictness of those parents only ensured that the children did not tell their parents what they encountered online. I sure didn't and I'd much rather my kids feel like they can come to me with questions when they're old enough to not need constant tech supervision.
But great way to read "teach kids how to have healthy, age-appropriate relationships with technology" as "let them grow up with unlimited smartphone access". It's almost like there's a difference between showing a child how to use your phone and letting them use it supervised for twenty minutes and slapping a phone into their tiny hands and leaving them alone with it for hours.
It can also have negative social and intellectual
affects if you don't do it right.
Samefag, I don't think restricting certain things is bad but also I think being too controlling about what they can and cannot do or think is how you end up with rebellious kids who do things behind your back because they want to experience the things their peers are. Not about that other anon specifically, this is just general stuff. If I ever have children I would restrict their internet access too, to a certain extent.
Basically, I just don't think either extremes when it comes to technology use are good. I wouldn't let my kids be on a phone/computer all day and I also wouldn't completely forbid it. Everything in moderation. Sorry if you saw how many times I reposted this lol.
Samefag, but I also remember hearing a couple of times about kids being socially stunted because of the virtual schooling they had to do in 2020. That was only a couple of months. >>269788
Not saying it can't happen in you're in public school, but I think it's more common for kids who were homeschooled.
Sorry your parents failed you, but do you even know what microschooling is? It's not just you and your kids sitting at home 24/7. It's literally going back to the "it takes a village" mentality of raising kids. One parent teaches math class, one parent teaches english, one parent teaches geography etc. depending on their field of expertise. you get together parents and kids from your local neighborhood and homeschool the kids together. That way each child gets socialized as well as special attention from the teacher that they need, something that you will NEVER get in a group of 30 kids. In most public schools teachers have too many kids to teach and they get left behind, that is not even considering the fucking awful grooming and pushing of agendas against the parents consent that is currently going on and will only get worse.
I can't blame those with antiquated views of homeschooling ITT, I used to think the same things, but there are absolutely ways to keep your kids out of public schools without socially isolating them from their peers. I don't know how you can live in the US and still think the public school system is in any way functional. Plus kids now have to be afraid to get shot by the fuck-ups who slip to the cracks.
>>269824>in Sweden they have books on sex positions in kindergartens
I need a source on that.
See this is what terrifies me so much. What do you even do when they forcibly trans your child in school or indoctrinate it into some pro prostitution insanity? Fight back and they call you an abusive
transphobe whorephobe homophobe enbyphobe queerphobe and you can get your child taken away
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I'm going to laugh my ass off when he turns into pic related and kills you and the other females in his family.
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Does anyone have PTSD from elsagate?? I feel like I can't roam kids toys anymore without thinking of elsagate and feeling sick, I feel heavily restrictive towards every little game, toy or show my kids watch. I obviously don't let them have tablets or play games/watch shows I'm unfamiliar with or go on the internet unmonitored. I feel like I'm unable to watch Disney movies now without being hyper-aware of every little thing being part of the grooming scheme.
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don't let them use those lolsurprise toys though
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Congrats to all you nonnas who are starting families and welcoming babies into the world, I’m on the complete other end of the spectrum where I have insane anxiety around the idea of being pregnant. Any time I engage in any remotely unprotected sex I feel so scared and embarrassed afterward. Four weeks ago a guy I was seeing fingered me on the last day of my period and even that was enough to set me off because he’d been jerking off ten minutes earlier and I was panicking about cross-contamination or something. It was enough to make me rush to the pharmacy after work and do a pregnancy test first thing when I got home. It came back negative, shockingly.
I’m so scared that I don’t even think going back on hormonal bc will help because I know it’s not 100% effective, and thanks to breaks and stealthing condoms alone are completely out of the question. My only answer is to avoid men, which I’ve been doing pretty successfully for the past year, but even then the idea of meeting someone and him getting me pregnant the first time we sleep together scares me so badly that I don’t even want to date. I literally had a nightmare last night about having a fling with some influencer who ended up getting me pregnant and instead of terminating he convinced me to keep it and used me and our kid as his perfect little family vlog content mill.
If any of you can offer any advice: before you wanted to get pregnant, did you have any feelings like this? How did you manage them? Can you recommend any good books/online resources for not being overcome with fear of getting pregnant? Sorry to bring the mood down I know this might not be the right place but idk where else to go.
I used to be afraid of getting pregnant until I tried to get pregnant and realized that it's not as easy as people make it seem. It took us a while to get pregnant even though we were fucking unprotected every single day for literally 3 months. There are only 3-4 days out of your entire cycle that you are fertile and the chance that egg and sperm meet and their genetic material creates a viable baby is still only 30%. I also used to be super sloppy with my pill in the months before we started trying because we were pretty much already planning on having a baby soon, but nothing ever happened despite me often missing 2 or 3 days in a row.
This isn't to say that accidents don't happen, but they are a lot lot lot lot more rare than we are made to believe. Looking back I can't believe I took the morning-after pill in the past that made me suicidal for two weeks when there was barely any chance of me getting pregnant then. The chances of you getting pregnant from fingering, even if there was some cum on his fingers are very slim. The semen need to be ejaculated into your uterus or else they don't reach the egg, they need to come out at full force to make the journey. They also die super fast outside of the body.
Because cheating on women is a moid's specialty afaik. Also>Cause other people are having relationships and babies and living happy normal lives? That must really chap your bitter ass.
See you in 3-5 months at your divorce and how you can no longer stand Jordan screaming in the living room.
I've generally been the same. I've had struggles where I was just about able to function myself so a baby would be unthinkable but then there's no access to abortion here so I was shitting myself after every sexual encounter no matter how protected it was.
Then I went on to reach a boiling point with muh depression and anxiety and I had a six month plan where I was going to end my life on a certain meaningful date. I was in a brand new relationship att and I came off of BC because of my suicide backup plan. I can't believe my own story lol. I didn't tell the guy. I was clearly not in my right mind for months. I had unprotected sex several times a day like you do when you're brand new with someone. Never got pregnant. Never killed myself either. I came to my senses and could not believe my behaviour… and my good luck in the end. I got on BC again and never told the guy my secret. It's like a bad trip when I think back to that period of my life and what my thought process was.
Don't write off BC or condoms, combine the two seeing as it's as much as you can do. Talk to the person prescribing you your chosen method of BC and see if they can recommend any reading material. I'm sure they get this alot. If you happen to have generalised anxiety too and it's not well treated that can obvs ramp up this type of worry too.
this is what my parents did with me and i have no hard feelings about it
thought the fact that i ended up here might speak for >>269795
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Yes, I wanted a girl but I got a boy. I wanted a girl, because I’ve observed from my little brother and other little boys that they have a tendency to be more violent and flail or smack themselves or throw themselves when they get mad. It’s gross and annoying I think it’s because if you look at boys toys and clothes with dinosaurs or anthropomorphic trucks they all have angry eyes and sharp teeth. Aggression is encouraged if you are a boy. I buy my kid some girls toys (not those blow up doll looking lol things) and baby dolls. I try to encourage being a nice kid, I have tea parties with him. I paint his nails, I pretend to put makeup on him, I watch strawberry shortcake with him. I still do all the stuff I imagined doing with a little girl. It’s funny because strangers call him a girl, he’s just got such a sweet looking face, it happened more so when he had long hair. He likes dinosaurs so I try to make them out to be friendly and loving like land before time dinosaurs, and just show him documentaries of them. This book has a good depiction of them. He does throw tantrums but they’re never violent. I love this kid so much, I want a daughter eventually but I’m glad my first baby came out the way he is.
I was with you for most of the post, especially your analysis of toys meant for boys, but you lost me on the nail painting and make up. Unfortunately, allowing your son to normalize those things only opens the floodgates to the tranny rhetoric and grooming strategies imo. If I had a son, I would raise him gently too, but at a certain point you are just socializing him as a girl in the consumerist manner (girl oriented TV shows, makeup and beauty industry, etc). I would just do activities like cooking, art, gardening, woodworking. All wholesome purposeful gender neutral things that can manifest into healthy masculine hobbies that aren't plagued with an agenda.
ntayrt but does it really work this way ?
Trannies feel strongly about make-up and "girly things" because there is something that seems forbidden or humiliating about them that turns them on. Someone who is used to seeing all that as normal fun stuff from a young age wouldn't end up feeling the same way, would they ?
Don't get me wrong, I think there's definitely going to be a problem with the kid at some point but I don't think it's going to be tranny shit, unless nona starts shaming him for being male as he grows up and favoring his eventual little sister.
It's men's socialization with other men that really turns them sour. You can raise a very loving and gentle son, but it he wants to be respected by his male friends and peers, he will adopt their values and outlooks which are misogynistic toxic
My ex was raised by women, and he’s a horrible person. His mom did everything to raise him to be a gentle person (she was abused physically and sexually) and he still grew up to be a sexual degenerate narc. He was really sheltered as a child and home schooled so when he became an adult it was like free range to do everything he wasn’t allowed to do.
We have a son so of course that shit worries me. My mom was a single mom and my brother turned out pretty well so I’m hoping my son takes after his uncle more.
It’s really the whole nature vs nurture thing.
I think you have the right idea anon, I would just take steps to make sure he doesn't get groomed into trooning. Continue to emphasize to him that he's perfect the way he is, and that boys and girls can enjoy anything they want to.
If you have the means, I'd send him to private school for kindergarten. Not only do the students perform better academically, you can also keep him from being indoctrinated with gendershit.
I've known guys with absent fathers, honestly not having a father figure is better than having one that brainwashes them into being misogynistic little freaks. Both of the men were very respectful towards me and valued their mothers. Though some of them can be toxic
, especially if they grow to blame or resent their mothers.
In my experience it's the men without fathers that become misogynistic little freaks. Mostly due to the fact that they look for replacement father figures online and those tend to be men from menosphere movements like Jordan Peterson. If you look at any toxic
e-celeb moid you will find a gaggle of fatherless men hanging onto their every word for wisdom in the comments.
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What's something you wished you or your partner knew before planning a pregnancy? It seems no matter what, nobody really knows what they are getting into, and that's fine. However, it would be great to know what nonnies would have told their past selves if they could.
I don't care about e-celebs never gonna come across one anyways, most normal people care more about their irl experiences and if you think stuff you see online is more truthful, you should probably go outside.>>270556
Your child isn't going to be cute or pretty unless you are.
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It’s biological. They have a higher chance of impregnating more women if they’re violent and manipulative towards us, so the trait gets passed on to the next generation. You can’t make a predator go vegan by “raising it right,” but if you don’t want to have a pet rape-ape you can always make the choice to have daughters only. Will you choose honour over becoming the next generation of boy-moms?
How common miscarriage is. I lost my first and I was completely oblivious that it wasn't rare. We hadn't even discussed how we would deal with loss so it was hard. >>270559
Sometimes unfortunate looking parents have beautiful kids, and beautiful parents have unfortunate looking kids. You never know.
You are the one being toxic
here right now. Calm down.
Gaining weight too fast could still be bad for your baby and result in a large baby, even tho you technically need to gain weight if you are underweight. You want your baby growing at a normal speed. Everything you eat goes to your baby first and you get the left-overs, that's how nature designed it. So if you eat a ton of crap then all that goes to your baby first and you might end up with a very large baby, that means a difficult and dangerous birth for both of you where baby's shoulders could get dislocated for example cause it doesn't fit through your birth canal. I think she is just worried that if you keep gaining at this rate for the rest of the pregnancy then it's going to be too much too fast. 5kg a month is quite a bit since you still got some months to go.
Whenever a doctor tells you these things it's not because they want to shame you or neg you about your weight, they just want to make sure you and the baby are healthy.
Youre right nona. I guess nothing you can do!>>270749
Well the type of acne he has is forever. His mom still has acne in her 50s. He tells me that its quite painful so I dont really want my kids to have to deal with acne for the rest of their lives. The ugly feet is flat foot, I just forgot what it was called. He had trouble walking and needed physical therapy for it. Its more or less I dont want my kids to have to suffer because of genetic passings.
I made my husband do his own research on the topic and this is what he bought:
-Zinc and Selen
-a general men's multivitamin
I noticed a difference almost immediately, just the amount of cum went up a lot and it was a lot more liquid, which is good because the sperm needs a lot of fluid to transport them where they need to go. We also used a special lube that is supposed to help conceive because normal lube kills sperm and hinders their movement.
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How long do you think is "enough" for you and your partner to be together or married in order to have a child?
I've been married to my partner for 3 years, 4th will be the next one and I am exhausted of "waiting". At first he was happy about the idea but after COVID years hes been more than anxious and unsure. So anxious that he once came inside me and then regretted it, forcing me to take the b-plan pill. I always cook around the house and the only person to clean while trying to scratch a few occasional pennies off my art commissions and the more years go by the more miserable about the future I feel. Its even worse now that my grandparents who have raised me are doing terrible healthwise and neither me nor them can visit eachother and we havent seen eachother in 3 years too. I am just so sad and I don't know how to even talk about it to my partner anymore. Of course it is a huge decision, bringing a different life but with me not being able to find a job and always being the housemaker I would like to at least have something else too. I put my whole life into a few suitcases the move out of my terrible goverment and I am studying the local language hard - i understand everything people say, just takes awhile to say much back and I still keep having the languge courses. Also mine and my partners age difference concerns me as the more years go by. Im just tired.
Thays impressive! How much did you end up collecting total? >>272411
It's okay for some women to do earlier. For others it can cause uterine discomfort and cramping. I have been hand expressing since 30 weeks with no issues
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I scheduled a consultation with an OB for tubal ligation next Wednesday. I am SO NERVOUS that she will deny my request. Such bullshit.
This is a doctor I've not seen before so I don't really know what her attitude will be like. She looks like she is under 40, so that's good, right? I want this so bad. Here are my reasons:
>I'm almost 32, never ever wanted kids to the point where it's kind of a running joke in my family that I "hate" children (I don't lol but I really don't want any)
>Pregnancy is literal body horror to me and I would kms if I had to endure a distended belly and birth
>I have tried 5+ methods of birth control that all had negative effects from hormonal instability to an IUD flipping upside down inside of me somehow
>I had to terminate a pregnancy in October and I never ever want to do that again as it was traumatizing (I had an at-home abortion in my shower and there was a lot more tissue/matter coming out than I anticipated and I had to get a second procedure, a vacuum [?] abortion at the office because all of the tissue was not expelled)
>Ever since the abortion I have been kind of scared of my bf's penis getting anywhere near my vagina without a condom on and it detracts from my pleasure and connection with him
>My bf and I have been together for over 10 years (this is not a flex at my age, but it is relevant) and both agree on a childfree lifestyle.
>I've seen my friends and siblings have children and no "switch" was flipped for me and I still don't ever want to have babies or raise children.
>My sex drive has been NIL for the past 9-ish years because of depression, anxiety, trauma, meds, and birth control, and I am FINALLY getting it back and I am SO EXCITED. I never ever want to lose my sex drive again, and fear of pregnancy (that I will never want) is inhibiting me.
>I would love to be able to have pregnancy and condom-free sex with my bf while we are still young.
Anything else I should include? Has anyone gone through this? I saw on the childfree subreddit that it's helpful to mention how fear of pregnancy negatively affects your sex life because one of the main objectives of an OB/GYN is to facilitate a happy and healthy sex life for their patients. I want this so bad. If she refuses, I will go to another doctor. Please send vibes nonnies!! I'll update next week if anyone is interested.
You're in the wrong thread. The childfree thread is here >>>/g/156622
This is the thread for people who want children.
Samefag, I'm an idiot, it says conception
In my experience if you pump correctly it's much more comfortable than the baby eating straight from the boob since the baby will often chew on the nipple and teething will hurt. I got nipple sores after the first few days of feeding my baby right out of the womb. Direct feeding has pros like easy access, don't have to clean before or after, don't have to store milk, etc and will definitely help with postpartum recovery. but if I had the energy for it I totally would have exclusively pumped and just bottle fed .
As for oils I'm an oil junkie (mostly olive and grapeseed) and still got infections but it helped with stretch marks. It probably hurts due to increased sensitivity. Though if I didn't produce a fuck ton of colostrum I wouldnt have pumped since it can be a while before you learn the right latch and milk/colostrum will get all over the base of the pump and you'd wanna save all the colostrum you can, stick with hand expressing with colostrum and hand expressing unless you're producing a lot that won't matter if wasted
Have been breastfeeding for 8 months now with no issues. Only the first few weeks were sometimes uncomfortable, especially the uterine contractions the first few days after birth. I have a low tolerance for discomfort and pain and it was a breeze since week 3
I used these when my nipples would crack and it was a miracle cure https://www.dm.de/multi-mam-kompressen-p8714207821208.html
Silicone nipple shields were great for when the letdown was too strong or my nipples felt too sensitive.
Hope you'll have a great experience too. Remember that it's usually people who have issues that speak about it online, the ones who have an okay to good experience don't feel the need to talk about it.
I used lanolin and liked it or a shea and rose butter balm. After the initial week or two of struggle it got better. No more bleeding or chafing.
Crampbark can be taken for the uterine contractions anon mentioned above.
I had a Hakka which is a thing that suctions to the breast not in use and catches the milk so you can start a passive milk supply that way. Also makes it less messy
Stay hydrated and make sure you eat enough so you’re milk is strong and keeps baby full. A nursing bra with breast pads you can change out to stay dry is big too.
The truth is, your child will most likely end up being fluent in whatever language is predominantly used in the country you live in. If there’s a different language everyone uses at home, that will probably become language #2. They’ll understand it well enough, but most likely will have a preference for speaking in their more fluent language. Unless they have other siblings and friends to practice the home language with, it may not be the easiest
speak (according to friends who grew up in similar situations). As for talking to relatives in some third language? It will definitely just come down to their personality and your diligence.
I'm in the same situation and my child is trilingual. Both my husband and I were raised bilingual because of mixed ethnicity languages, were fluent at both from the start.
The important thing is that each parent talks to to the child in their native language and in the third only between you and your partner. This is less confusing for children according to a speech therapist we consulted. I'm assuming your shared language is english - the shared language will be the child's weakest but it will pick it up more a bit later through media and school.
Buy books in all both your native languages, watch cartoons in both, do regular videocalls with friends and relatives from home.
There is a lot of places where families are multilingual and the children start speaking all the languages with equal fluency as long as they're equally exposed to it. Like another anon mentioned though, they might learn a word in one language but not another, but it evens out soon.
Make sure that if you are on spending more time with the baby then the father because of maternity leave that the father talks a lot with the baby whenever at home. The positive is that you and your partner will learn each other's native languages along with the baby.
Men live absolutely rent-free in your head, holy shit. Stop derailing this thread all the time and hide threads that trigger
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I have only 3 weeks left to go. I hate my stretchmarks so much, they are so painful. Whenever the baby moves it feels like someone rubbing their fingers into a cut. I have been moisturizing extensively but my belly is just full of red marks. I haven't even gained that much weight this pregnancy. I am scared of what my postpartum stomach will look like.
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Putting breastmilk on your stretch marks + dermarolling is magic when it comes to stretch marks. A spray tan can also cover stretch marks pretty well and a lemon juice scrub
Breasts don’t respond to pumps as well as hand expressing or a baby’s latch. Slacker boob is totally normal. Both my kids had a favorite boob so the other one was always less. If baby is happy and wetting diapers, you’re fine.
Sorry about the mastitis though. I had it a few times BFding both my kids. Usually happened when their eating habits changed and they weren’t emptying my breasts.
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What was actual splurg stuff you guys quickly learned after motherhood anons? I feel kinda silly since I spent my entire pregnancy hoarding things like bathing supplies, grooming kits, every bougie dish washing and changing stuff, books, diapers, an owlet, etc just for it to sit on the closet. The only thing I didn't splurg on is onesies, crib sheets, and medicines (colic drops, gripe water, etc) which weirdly enough seems like the stuff I use the most. Really wish they would tell you this
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The only thing worth it that we splurged on is this detergent by The Laundress. Sticker price is shocking but it's actually saved us money in the end because it lasts a long time. It is incredible at getting out all stains. And I seriously mean all
. I've started using it for our clothes too lol the owlet was the biggest waste of money (but we didn't buy it). A lot of modern day baby items aren't necessary, especially when they grow out of things so quickly
Don't have a homebirth with your first, anon. So many things can go wrong that are impossible to predict.
I don't know where you are from and what your options are, look into birthing centers like anon above mentioned. Some EU countries offer hospital assisted homebirth - a midwife comes to yor home with some equipment and keeps the hospital up to date so they are ready to come over right away if needed.
Sorry for blogging, but just to give you an idea. I had a healthy pregnancy, healthy baby, am in good shape and everything was a textbook perfect experience, including going into labour on my due date. Then I got to the pushing stage, the contractions were too weak to deliver, even with the drip I was pushing for 4 hours. Baby and I both started having heartrate issues. Doctor was preparing for intervention when I finally gave birth. If I hadnt gotten the drip the baby would have gotten stuck in the birth canal too long and suffered lifelong damage, and even with the drip it was by a narrow margin that I gave birth unassisted to a healthy baby. Afterwards I had too much bleeding even with the shot and had to be monitored.
My doctor explicitly told me I can't have sex, so yeah that sucks. >>276917
basically what >>276919
said, men don't masturbate without porn use
>>277282>speak for yourself only please
Nta but the OP said that her man also has that problem, I don't get why you're giving her all of this advice instead of the anon who originally vented. >are you seriously that uncreative you think jerking off alone or watching sex videos is a normal "substitute" or w/e when you have someone to make love with right there?
Kek, you're acting like anon is OP's moid. A lot of men do think it's a normal substitute.
my scrote uses his imagination to masturbate, i know for a fact he hasn't watched porn in several years. it's possible>>276637
there are definitely ways you guys can get each other off, like mutual oral or masturbation. if you can't get off from just that (especially when theres potential to make things more arousing by increasing the excitement over when you finally can have sex) then thats a separate issue lmao
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I can't even afford to think about having kids, but my daydreams about having twins is getting stronger.
My boyfriend and I have talked about having children and we seem to line up about when we want to become parents. I'm about to turn 30 and I know I want children before I turn 35, he's 2 years younger than me and he said he would like to be a father in his early to mid 30s. We are still in the early months of commitment, but it was really nice to find someone who is willing to be open about what he sees in our relationship, even so early on. Like, it's I'm certain I'm not wasting time. Before I met him, I was open to adopting out of fear of pregnancy and I started getting over that before meeting my boyfriend. Now I really have no fear.
I think the only thing I fear now is the feeling of being unprepared. I look at parenting videos whenever I come across them on TikTok. Even before TikTok, I would always fantasize about how I want to approach tough subjects with my children, because my parents weren't there to do that. Even little things, like teaching a child how to eat, potty train, and crawl. Raising an individual and letting this little person understand their humanness. I think about this at least once a week. I cannot wait to be a mother someday.
Right now I am having some more baby fever than usual because I saw a coworker in their car taking turns holding their baby with their family. I also have a cousin I grew close with who just became a father and I haven't had the chance to visit his family and see their baby in person. I am eager for the moment I get to hold a baby of my own, along with seeing how my boyfriend will act as a father. We have extremely similar views on how we want to parent so it is exciting to daydream about.
When you get pregnant with a boy or girl, you get their cells in your body but since boys have Y chromosome and girls don't, it's easier to prove chimerism with boys because a woman wouldn't have cells with y chromosome normally so seeing y chromosome in a mother would be enough to prove this.
I think I read on an article that fetal chimerism boosted the immune system regardless your child's gender(even though m*les think it's only for boys because they don't understand shit) so it's a positive.
I also started getting baby-fever really bad around 28-29 and now I am 30 and our bun is almost done cooking and due soon. Good luck, nonnie
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-not my baby-
I wanted to let everyone know I got the Ollie swaddle and I fucking love this thing. It makes her stop crying within seconds and is really helping with PURPLE crying. It also comes with a helpful laundry bag and instructions and I washed it twice with no pilling or anything. Def recommend if you got a colicky baby>>275305
I got this too from the container store and I can't get enough of it. The pre soak and fabric spray from the laundress are also great
, it depends on the woman. My mother is also overbearing and neurotic. Swore up and down I'd never be like that, fortunately I didn't become like her. If anything, having my daughter helped me become the best version of myself. You have to set aside your ego a bit, but do not sacrifice all of your time and energy to your child. Taking time for myself (usually when the kiddo is asleep) has helped so very much. Having a partner who is like minded is extremely important to your mental health and growth as well.
Until I held my daughter in my arms, I was an absolute nervous wreck. Was I going to fuck up? How do I even take care of this tiny creature? Is my life going to change and will I become unrecognizable?? So much concern and fear. Then, after all the screaming, blood and pain… there she was. Safe, in my arms and everything just settled in place. All of those fears melted away and I knew everything was going to be alright. I still get worried but that's normal. Talk about it with your partner or support network. Always.
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There's a subset of moms who are OBSESSED with hoarding. It's one thing to be prepared but a lot of it's just wasteful. Freezers full of breastmilk that will likely go back before the baby even touches it. Diaper packs that will never be opened by the time the baby is potty training. Enough clothes for the baby to have a new outfit until it grows out of that size and a ton of bathing products that will take years to use kek. My baby is almost three months and I barely even finished using sample bottles the hospital gave me. I also have a ton of bottles that just create more stress since I only ever use a handful at a time and it just takes up space. Babies really don't even need that much but if you're going to splurg on things like body wash and stuff at least buy quality items and not Johnson's and Johnson's trash
Those things are CAUSED by stuff like inducing and epidurals, you know that right? How do you think people birthed people for thousands of years?
In the animal world, when the mother is about to give birth she seeks a safe and quiet shelter to be alone. How sheltered do you think you feel in a space with cold flouroscent lights, a bunch of overworked staff wearing masks, fucked up sickness vibes and a bunch of ugly, beeping machines? It's the most dangerous place to be and trying to force birth there will NOT come easy and naturally.
Samefag, but maybe just to add something constructive maybe OP >>276044
should consider a birthing center. It's a middle ground between home and hospital.
Are you Mexican? The only other girls I’ve known around my age and younger who had their ears pierced as babies/toddlers were Mexican. My mom and aunties had their ears pierced pretty young, although even my grandmother and her sister were against it back in the 60s top kek at my great grandmother doing it herself while baby sitting
I think the people who still do it feel strongly about it, but they’re an extreme minority. And outside of the cultures that do do it, I think most people see it as cruel and bizarre.
ntayrt but I'm black
and my mom did it to me and my sister, and my friends of the same race also had it young
Earring holes are next to invisible, don't impact health and don't cause any discomfort or otherwise have any negative impact besides a moment of pain a baby won't remember. I don't think it's the right thing to do but calling it cruel is cheapening the word. You know what's cruel? Female circumcision on baby girls. That still happens to millions of girls in 2022 which severely affects the physical and mental health of girls/women and can even lead to death but by all means keep calling an insignificant tiny hole in the earlobe cruel, sure.>>279614
I have no clue who or what you're talking about.
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What are these NICU octopuses called? I got one when my baby was in the NICU and it was so cute
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Not sure if this is helpful, but they look like crochet octopi. You could probably easily find someone who sells ones exactly like these on Etsy or social media, with the curly tentacles and everything.
You may or may not. The symptoms can be mild and easily over seen. I’d take PID with a grain of salt though there’s no test and it’s basically the equivalent of we don’t know what’s wrong with you there must be inflammation or a virus we can’t find. The worry is that clap causes scarring leading to infertility which is then labeled PID. But it’s just the std virus traveling up and is treated with antibiotics. It’s still the clap. Did they give you a blood test or a biopsy? Have you had any symptoms?
Pain — ranging from mild to severe — in your lower abdomen and pelvis
Unusual or heavy vaginal discharge that may have an unpleasant odor
Unusual bleeding from the vagina, especially during or after sex, or between periods
Pain during sex
Fever, sometimes with chills
Painful, frequent or difficult urination
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What's an appropriate amount of picture time? You get branded as a careless parent if you have zero pics of your children growing up but I'm scared of being the mum with the camera always shoved in the kids face
Yes. Vitamin K can save your baby. A lack of vitamin K makes a fall fatal. There’s only been one adverse reaction in a newborn in Turkey. The baby was fine because your first allergic reaction will not be deadly.
The eye drops are up to you. It’s to prevent bacteria from down there from getting in the babies eyes and giving them pink eye. You can also just put a little breast milk in their eyes the first few days instead. I didn’t and went with milk and was fine. >>Yes Vitamin k 100% >>eye drops or breast milk your choice
We pay 1.000€ a month for two people in our first world EU country that Americans think has "free healthcare".
I just wanted some other Euros to share my annoyance with not getting treated special at a baby shower and getting free gifts and nice things from family, but amerisharts of course have to chime in to say "hurr durr you get free health-care tho" cause that's what you're told by communist trannies who think Europe is some utopia of socialized free medicine for everyone.
Nta but >Get off of 4chan>Stop watching mommy vloggers
Lol what? What 4channer watches mommy blogs?
This is why nobody likes Americans. You are so proud of being entirely ignorant. You're the ones who think Europeans get "free healthcare" and I corrected you. You constantly bitch and moan about how bad you have it in America yet you feel smugly superior and talk down to other people constantly.
"Oh you silly Europeans should be glad you get everything for free"
"…but we don't"
"AMERICA IS SOOOOO EXPENSIVE! YOU DONT EVEN KNOW HOW GOOD YOU HAVE IT IN EUROPE!"
"But… it's actually a lot more expensive to live here"
"SHUT UP I AM EDUCATING YOU ABOUT THE WORLD!"
Idc which one of you is right or wrong but I can't count the number of times I've scrolled past this thread and seen >please dont have kids! coz they'll be dumb like you!
Over some petty lil disagreement. Nutty.
Nta, but it's very clear that you just are looking for an infight anon. You have been ignoring any valid
points that anons have been bringing up (like how baby showers are not the same for the average American as they are on social media, or how people don't really help with the baby after they're born) just so you can argue about who has it worse and keep spewing out insults. You decided to talk about American baby showers, so it's really dumb to be upset that Americans chimed in with their opinion on baby showers. If you don't want any non-Europeans responding to your posts then go post in the designated thread for that or maybe just don't talk about non-European countries and expect the people from that country to not voice their own thoughts. Baby showers shouldn't cause this much salt.
The immediate comments were not about babyshowers but "but you should be happy you get FREE HEALTH CARE". You literally pushed the discussion into that direction because you are ignorant and misinformed about Europe. I specifically asked for replies from other Europeans, not Americans. The issue here is that Americans can never shut the fuck up even if they have nothing to contribute and are uneducated about anything outside of America.
But you know what, I am the one in the wrong for asking for empathy on a website full of sociopathic NEETs.
I didn't make any response to you about healthcare. It was one reply and not even the only one you got. >The issue here is that Americans can never shut the fuck up even if they have nothing to contribute and are uneducated about anything outside of America.
Like I said, if you don't want anyone who's not European to reply to you, go post in the thread for that or don't talk about other countries and expect the people from those countries to not give their opinion.
>>281874>you claimed an American paying 8k+ to give birth was less expensive than universal healthcare
It is. We pay 1.000€ a month for healthcare. That's 12.000€ a year. For ameritards: 12.000 is more than 8.000. That doesn't even include taxes we pay, if you included that I could easily give birth twice a year in the US for what we pay here. Once again, you are wrong about "free healthcare" in Europe and that you have it worse in the US. The only people who benefit from free healthcare in Europe are people who are on government assistance… and guess what? Those same people get free healthcare in the US too.
I have never once bragged about how great things are in Europe ever, it absolutely sucks here and the people who do are either leeches of the system (unemployed) or teenagers who still live with their parents. Also probably a lot of LARPing Americans who are as ignorant as you. >>281889>you're literally whining about not getting free things
And you're whining about not getting free healthcare. Yeah, I think it's great that American mothers get things for free from their family and friends as well as are celebrated and get a whole day dedicated to them. It's a luxury that apparently you don't know how to appreciate.
You should tell him anon. Even if you do have a chemical, at least then he can support you through it. Do you have communication issues with him generally because the idea you'd keep a pregnancy loss from your partner seems unusual to me.
Congrats BTW. First trimester is scary but you've higher odds of making it through than not.
We’re actually really good communication wise, I think this is just me being a nervous wreck. I have a mini surprise reveal planned which is why I was waiting to tell him anyway, it’s just weird being the only one who knows right now.
Thank you! I’m definitely just being a bit crazy kek despite what it seems, I’m actually super excited and thrilled!
Giving birth once and paying thousands=/= paying a thousand each month and having your wages scale so you can see the doctor whenever you want without going bankrupt
Anyway fucking choose one euroshits. Is America shit tier with healthcare or are you being driven to your last penny in taxes?
euro anon is braindead and talking about paying in income tax, even though americans pay into health care via income tax also, and on top of that pay for their personal privatized insurance and copays and pharmacare on top of that. she is angry that the euros coming out of her taxes may
be paying for universal health care for others without realizing america has low income taxpayer funded health care, that private health insurance rates are at the insurance companies discretion, and that insurance companies raise the rates based on how much they cumulatively pay out to all
insurance members. for example states with high obesity tend to have higher insurance rates because obese people go to the doctor more and insurance companies lose money from that. so they make their healthy members pay more so they can profit.
I'm lesbian and would like to have a biological child one day. Sperm donation to lesbian couple is legal in my country but I'm very torn on the moral ( to the child ) aspect of it.
I come from a family who's ethnicity on each side is very defined and we can trace back which features we share with an ancestor. As someone who grow up in a different place than the rest of my extended family it helped me accept a lot of thing about me, seeing I share them with family members. It particulary hit me how important it is to someone who did not have that chance, since a few years I have been a close friend with a classmate who was adopted at birth. When I showed her family photo and talked about my ancestry she was super interested, as for her she doesn't even know the tribes of her parent, and still joke about her biological mother, is proud she look like a royality from her birth country…etc. She is proud and look up to people in her adoptive family, but she is still hurt from not having that biological link, and is still very ongoing on understending her identity… I also know another adopted child since I was little and he has still difficulty socially placing himself ( he is very shy ), and I remember he and his mom being akward or even hurt a little when people of the kid's race would talk to him and ignore his mom (it happend a lot).
Even if I choose a donor who is of a similar ethnic group, the fact his 2 parents are woman is going to lead to him being socially treated like an adoptee, but with the shadow of the donor in his life. Not given by a woman or couple to the care of another couple because they know the child will have a better life but being alive because of a man every body know exist the moment your parent enter the picture.
There was a woman in my family who raised a child she had without a partner, the child is going well as far as I know and I'm lucky to have mens in my family who are exemple of good males figure but still.
When I look up video of lesbian couple having kids like this and the paternity became a part of the discussion I alway see comments like "my mom got dumped by my dad when I was little but my uncle was a wonderfull father figure" or other situation where the biofather is out of the pictures due to infortunate event. But in this situation I have to make the choices knowing the consequences for the child by choosing sperm donation.
My desire for being able to bound with a child during pregnancy could be more important than my child social and psychological turmoil ?
sorry for the blog post but it has been running in my mind for some time
Are there any men in your wife/girlfriend's family who you'd feel comfortable taking a donation from? A brother or cousin perhaps? I assume it would require a contract and legal considerations to prevent him from suddenly claiming custody, but may establish more of that close familial connection than a random donor.
I've thought of this as well since I'm gay and also part of a very specific cultural minority in my country, and my ideal is to marry/have partnership with a woman of a similar background.
Umm why did this user get banned? They just expressed an opinion.>>282353
Threats like "kys" don't get a ban, then?? Odd.>>282601
Honestly I feel like that's an issue of patriarchy. Not the fault of the parents or the child trying to make sense of this world. If people disrespect the mother because she's a woman, …then those people are at fault. And yeah obviously two women being married is going to clash with patriarchal values. Because they don't even believe lesbians exist.
If I had a dime for every time I heard a man suggest to a lesbian that she "hasn't yet met the right man"… These men will pretend to be 'progressive' and 'so supportive', but actually they always expect women to cater to men. And they get real angry when women choose to live without them. They even can't stand single women being single. It's so annoying how predittory those men are.
So yeah: we can raise a child without a man. As long as the child has a loving parent there for them. If the child has 2 loving moms, then what's the problem?>>282620
Dunno I'd feel weird reproducing with the sibling of my partner. I'd worry that this could lead to eventual super weird love triangles and unneeded drama. I think it's better to choose a sperm donor who is not so closely related to my family, and who will not be around the child nor around me as much.
What's most important/relevant in a sperm donor is health (and good looks: genetic diversity). So I'd pick a male friend for that. Someone I know is healthy, leads a healthy lifestyle. But just a friend I'm not super close with. A male friend I don't see every day. Like a guy I can trust, but was never romantically involved with, and who lives far away from me. Ideally he would be married and have his own kids. (So he wouldn't have strong urge to be a father of my kid…).
But that's just my take on this.>>281636
Wow that's a lot. Yeah I recently discovered women who give birth are given a huge bill just to give birth at a hospital/clinic. It's insane. I don't understand how women afford it. (Yes some have good jobs and are well off. But what do the rest of the women do???) So scary when I look at the expenses of the whole birthing process (considering a healthy diet and all other needed expenses). Like… why is reproduction come at such a price/cost??? Seems needlessly inflated. And the nurses who do most of the work at the hospital don't even see that money. Where the f*
is it going??
Sorry nonna I did not explain I'm not even in a relationship right now ! Only wondering.
Tbh it could be a solution to have someone from the parters family but it has a slim possibility of happening.
I feel you on wanting to marry someone of a similar background, the social aspect put me off a lot, I have huge cultural difficulty with women of a higher social class than me, or who have very little connection to a land. I never dated out of my race but even outside of my ethnicity it was difficult, I knew we where too different to build of a life together.>>282623
That interesting, iv'e heard they say to tell the kid when they are old enought not to get confuse ( I guess when he his old enought to really understand biology ).>>282624
There is obviously an aspect of patriarchy but the biology part can't be denied. I remember multiple time a week kids asking a friend in primary school why her little brother was black, and it continued for years, if kids know white+white= a black biological child is not possible ( unless rare case I know) and female+female= a biological child is not either, they will obviously point it out to the kid. Adult are just assholes if their mad about it but kids it's another story. The self confidence issues steming from not being able to reconize physical traits from his family for the child is also a big part of it for me, because it helped me a lot.
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Nonnas, please help me. Is this positive or am I seeing things? I took the picture within 10 minutes of doing the test, if that helps. I don't want to wake my husband up to squint with me.
telling women that they are doomed to misfortune is actually not the based take you think it is. it reveals deep misogyny.
my post was 100% positive and they're theorizing my husband is gonna cheat and leave me. almost like they want that, it's incel/troon behavior.
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It's pink, and it got darker today. I also got a faint positive on a Natalist brand test.>>282875
I hope you get your baby soon!
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For pregnant anons who are probably getting sucked into places full of mothers who may or may not be shit but eager to give advice, I'd recommend reading up on the articles at http://fedisbest.com
, e.g. https://fedisbest.org/2017/10/world-health-organization-revised-breastfeeding-guidelines-put-babies-risk-despite-pleas-experts-informing-public-not-top-priority/
I went down the rabbit hole this weekend, and holy fucking shit, new mothers are unironically starving their newborns en masse because they're urged to try exclusive breastfeeding at all costs even though delayed milk production is a very common issue and the medically acceptable weight loss guidelines among proponents of this (5-10%) put infants at risk of developing lifelong cognitive deficits and neurological issues.
There are a lot of nonscientific articles on the site, but the research e.g. on rehospitalization and birth weight loss rates among exclusively breastfed infants and within 'baby friendly hospitals' lays out such an absurd and unnecessary public health problem that it's hard to even believe, dios mio.
Sorry I'm not a mother but Jesus Christ, I knew there were women who exclusively breastfeed but I didn't think there were women who still do it even if their babies are struggling. I know everyone has their own beliefs but it shouldn't get in the way of the wellbeing of your child.
Not really related, but do mothers who do exclusive breastfeeding use bottles at all?
>>283247>casually dropping that their kid had to be hospitalized for weight loss or jaundice. It's really fucked up
Jaundice/weight loss isn't exactly breast milks problem. My baby had both of these (jaundice was genetic from her father, weight loss was because she refused to eat)
We tried formula but ended up even worse than before. I also have an oversupply too. Sometimes its just normal but jaundice isn't very serious. Also formula has been sued for causing NEC. If you're using formula you have to be super careful. I breastfeed and pump but I keep a high end organic formula (that isn't Similac or enfamil) around just in case
A little over half of newborns have jaundice; the problem is when bilirubin is reaching dangerous concentrations and causing brain damage, as it is in these cases of starvation.>Also formula has been sued for causing NEC
NEC is very rare (1 per >2000 infants) and most commonly found in preemies with very low birthweight fed specifically with cow milk-based formula (probably why hospitals prioritize donor milk for them), whereas there's evidence that something like 1 in 77 EBF newborns have to be hospitalized for starvation/dehydration-related complications. If a mother gives birth to a healthy baby isn't able to produce adequate supply/has delayed copious milk production it's a no-brainer to supplement given the cost-benefit analysis.
>>283311>as it is in these cases of starvation.
If you know it's common then why would you assume parents who are EBF are starving their child and causing jaundice?>1 in 77 EBF newborns have to be hospitalized for starvation/dehydration-related complications.
Links please>If a mother gives birth to a healthy baby isn't able to produce adequate supply/has delayed copious milk production it's a no-brainer to supplement given the cost-benefit analysis.
I suppose but for some women it's hard to tell the difference between colostrum and actual breast milk, not to mention plenty of babies simply don't want to eat much on day number one. If a woman has a good milk supply it's not fair to assume she's starving the child because of issues with weight, jaundice etc. Many babies simply refuse to eat and sometimes it can take over two hours for newborns to take a bottle. Not everything that's wrong with a baby is the mother's fault
You sound like a moid who's pissed off that someone is calling out men. Nothing I said doesn't say "I don't know how kids work" I even agreed that girls can get influenced too but moids are much more predatory to make other moids shit, girls are often victims
of moids in different ways. Stop taking things out of context just for the sake of infighting
You sound like a moid who's pissed off that someone is calling out men. Nothing I said doesn't say "I don't know how kids work" I even agreed that girls can get influenced too but moids are much more predatory to make other moids shit, girls are often victims
of moids in different ways. Stop taking things out of context just for the sake of infighting
No? You really think that social influence could easily be fixed with good parenting? Plenty of food parents have had their kids shoot up schools, commit suicide, sexually assault people, in fact my abusive
ex boyfriend had an amazing yet firm mother. Acknowledging the fact that socialization can effect kids and how moids are more likely to be socialized to be shittier isn't saying you can't control children. You're the one who shouldn't have kids if you jump to those ridiculous conclusions all because someone said moids are more likely to be conditioned by other moids to be shit regardless of how good of a parent you are.
I worded it wrong, I meant short length between periods?
I have long periods but short lengths between my last and recent periods
How did everyone decide when to tell family about a pregnancy? I know my husband is eager to share the good news, but ultimately is leaving the decision up to me. He wants to tell his family as soon as I'll allow because he sees it as good news that is a delight to share. I want to wait until I can't hide it anymore because of risk of miscarriage, as well as not wanting to be seen as an incubator, not wanting unsolicited advice and judgement, and because telling my family would absolutely mean that my employer would find out too, and I am not sure how I want to handle leaving work yet. If we tell one parent, we have to tell everyone.>>283599
I'd check in with her without focusing pregnancy. Ask her about usual topics, work, relationships, etc. If she wants to tell you about IVF she can, and if she doesn't, she does not have to.
Funny that you assume I can't afford prenatals anon, if you work on your reading comprehension you'd understand I'm asking about whether a prenatal is really any better than a multi or taking a few separate specific vitamins, especially because I'm already on the recommended prenatal folic acid dose. Vitamin D you produce when exposed to sunlight, just to clarify.
I've read that too much vitamin A is bad for baby, while most prenatals I've looked at have an extremely high level of vitamin A. So I'm weary of taking them and am thinking of taking iron and calcium separately. I'll do reading on it but was curious on hearing everyone's opinions here. >>283876
Thanks for the suggestion, we have to do a shit ton of blood tests when pregnant to monitor these things in any case. Maybe doing general bloods before we start trying is a good idea, which will be in a few months.
For example supplementary iron isn't even that good. Outside of the fact that many pills out there have a bunch of sus filler material, the reason it acts in your body is sort of like a stress hormone.
>"In the 1960s the World Health Organization found that when iron supplements were given to anemic people in Africa, there was a great increase in the death rate from infectious diseases, especially malaria. Around the same time, research began to show that the regulation of iron is a central function of the immune system, and that this seems to have evolved because iron is a basic requirement for the survival and growth of cells of all types, including bacteria, parasites, and cancer. The pioneer researcher in the role of iron in immunity believed that an excess of dietary iron contributed to the development of leukemia and lymphatic cancers. Just like lead, mercury, cadmium, nickel and other heavy metals, stored iron produces destructive free radicals. The harmful effects of iron-produced free radicals are practically indistinguishable from those caused by exposure to X-rays and gamma rays; both accelerate the accumulation of age-pigment and other signs of aging. Excess iron is a crucial element in the transformation of stress into tissue damage by free radicals.
>For about 50 years, it has been known that blood transfusions damage immunity, and excess iron has been suspected to be one of the causes for this. People who regularly donate blood, on the other hand, have often been found to be healthier than non-donors, and healthier than they were before they began donating.
>In one of Hans Selye's pioneering studies, he found that he could experimentally produce a form of scleroderma (hardening of the skin) in animals by administering large doses of iron, followed by a minor stress. He could prevent the development of the condition by giving the animals large doses of vitamin E, suggesting that the condition was produced by iron's oxidative actions.
>Excess iron's role in infectious diseases is now well established, and many recent studies show that it is involved in degenerative brain diseases, such as Parkinson's, ALS (Lou Gehrig's disease), Huntington's chorea, and Alzheimer's disease. Iron is now believed to have a role in skin aging, atherosclerosis, and cataracts of the lenses of the eyes, largely through its formation of the "age pigment.""
>"Some researchers are concerned that the iron added to cereals is contributing to the incidence of leukemia and cancers of the lymphatic tissues in children. [Goodfield, 1984.] During the time of rapid growth, children are less likely than adults to store too much iron. At birth, they have a large amount of stored iron, and this decreases as they "grow into it." It is after puberty, when growth slows and the sex hormones are high, that the storage of iron increases. [Blood, Sept., 1976.] In a study of the "malnourished" children of migrant fruit pickers in California, these children who were "seriously anemic" were actually more resistant to infectious diseases than were the "well nourished" middle class children in the same region."
>"Q.: Don't women need extra iron?.
>Doctors generally don't realize that only a few milligrams of iron are lost each day in menstruation. The real issue is that you can hardly avoid getting iron, even when you try.
>Women absorb iron much more efficiently than men do. From a similar meal, women will normally absorb three times as much iron as men do. When pregnant, their higher estrogen levels cause them to absorb about nine times as much as men. Every time a woman menstruates, she loses a little iron, so that by the age of 50 she is likely to have less iron stored in her tissues than a man does at the same age, but by the age of 65 women generally have as much excess iron in their tissues as men do. (During those 15 years, women seem to store iron at a faster rate than men do, probably because they have more estrogen.) At this age their risk of dying from a heart attack is the same as that of men. Some women who menstruate can donate blood regularly without showing any tendency to become anemic.
>Since the custom of giving large iron supplements to pregnant women has been established, there has been an increase in jaundice of the newborn. It has been observed that women who didn't take iron supplements during pregnancy have healthy babies that don't develop jaundice. I have suggested that this could be because they haven't been poisoned by iron. Those supplements could also be a factor in the increased incidence of childhood cancer."
Not to scare you sorry
Nta but I've always had very low iron levels. I had pica as a kid (the urge to eat things like paper/sponge/chalk and other things that aren't food) and when it persisted even as I got older I ended up getting tested for deficiencies as that can cause it. Iron was the culprit but I've never been able to take any form of iron supplement without it messing up my stomach in a major way. I've tried it all and it's harsh on your system. Ironic given my stomach could manage years of eating weird crap.
Much as I still struggle with fatigue, I feel like just getting it through diet changes is better than any massive amount they give you in pill or liquid form.
I gave birth in a hospital-adjacent ‘birth house’ with my first, because I was nervous and wanted doctors nearby without immediately going full medicalisation. The obstetricians were pushing for a home birth (pun not intended) but I didn’t feel comfortable with that. One benefit of the birth house was that there would be access to other types of pain relief like nitrous oxide, and that if I did decide I wanted an epidural I could be moved to the hospital side pretty easily. The second time I had to give birth in the hospital due to minor complications. Both times I gave birth without an epidural and was totally fine. However both times when I did ask for pain relief, during the last few cm of dilation, it was apparently too late to get everything set up so I had to power through. Does the place you’re going offer nitrous? If so, and if you’d like to give it a try, it would probably be a good idea to notify them early on.>>283839
Same here. I actually don’t think I know anyone who had an epidural. Active labour also felt almost like a relief because finally I could DO something and it would soon be over. I’m sure the adrenaline helped, too.
The second time the obstetrician wasn’t paying attention and told me to “hold it in” because I “wasn’t ready” even though the nurse had twice confirmed I was fully dilated and I felt a very strong urge to push. That was by far the most painful point of the entire labour and I still kind of want to kick that doctor.