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Nominate your favourite moments for the 2023 Lolcow Awards!

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No. 347288

Previous thread: >>>/g/306284

No. 347292

How would you react if an (ex-)friend you havent talked to in a while reached out to you? I'm thinking of just checking in, see how they're doing. The thing that makes me hesitate is we all kind of ghosted each other after a huge fight happened between me and another woman in the group bc of a troon celeb, and they all took the other woman's side. Should I do it? Is it worth it? Would you do it?

No. 347298

I would like that, anon. Not to blogpost but I unintentionally ghost people a lot, I'm bad at replying to msgs and keeping up with friendships if I don't actively see them irl. It would mean a lot to me if a friend made the first move to reconnect. Obviously the fight from before may have left a sour taste in your mouth but you're being the bigger person here. Hopefully all goes well and you guys can rekindle your friendship. Good luck!

No. 347379

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How do you gain work ethic and drive? I’ve been out of work most of the year and thought it would at least motivate me to work on pursuing a career in a field I love. But all I do is just be sad and doom scroll. I’m so jealous of motivated people. Everyone around me seems highly motivated and they don’t burnout and if they do they just take a day off and get back to it. I literally can’t do that because one day off always ends up turning into a “fuck this job” rinse and repeat.

Im not even a bad worker either I got praised so much and I advanced a lot in the company at the last place I worked for. But there is something about someone telling me I’m good at something that makes me 2nd guess myself and stop doing whatever I’m being praised for. It’s not fair I feel like I wasted this whole year being a neet.

Has anyone else ever gone crazy and quit their good paying job and if so how did you get out of that slump and how do you prevent yourself from nopeing out of a job the second it becomes depressing? I just want to be an adult and I know I have to work but I’m tired of quitting. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

No. 347523

Reach out to her OP, life is too short. But depends, was she a good friend who you enjoyed spending time with? I've reached out to friends I fell out with, some went well and some didn't even respond. I have no regrets, jusk yourself whats the worst that can happen.

One year is nothing nonna. You clearly have the ability and talent if you advanced a lot in your last job. Just say you went travelling if anyone asks about the gap in your CV.

No. 347533

do any nonnies have any experience with/advice of dealing with nerve damage? im pretty sure ive damaged my radial nerve old self harm on forearm that needed plastic repair and have been trying the usual things you see on google, but ibuprofen doesnt seem to touch it, heat/cold therapy is agonising and i can hardly bear to massage it, even light touch to the area feels like fucking burning. its really frustrating and has gotten worse recently, even this week its gotten significantly worse. the pain is right around the first thumb joint to the wrist so my dexterity in that hand is suffering

No. 347555

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Can I ask anons what you think if you see someone with old self-harm scars? I used to cut myself for a long time and a lot of them are on my arms. I can't always cover them up and I don't want to get tattoos.

Do people notice scars like these or am I paranoid? I'm anxious every time I have to go out without long sleeves. Everyday I wish I had just cut on my hips and not my arms.

No. 347556

I think “oh, someone like me”, and that’s it. Absolutely no judgement at all. I know several people who don’t cover up their scars anymore. I got them in my legs and thighs and I live in tropical climate so after over a decade of making a fool of myself going into the beach or to the pool with black leggings, and because I’ve seen people just wearing their scars without shame, I’ve been starting to also just finally let my body be comfortable and not cover it up. People can think whatever they want. I’ve spent too much of my time feeling ashamed of my body and I won’t die covering it up still.

No. 347560

mine look like that. I stopped covering them up a few years ago, sometimes I'll see people glance at them but I don't think I get treated differently for it. Once, a friend saw them and asked what had happened, sort of caught me off guard but she genuinely didn't know about self harm or what the scars look like kek. Like other anon said when I see scars on other people I recognize "someone like me" but don't judge beyond that.

No. 347561

I just think "this person used to self-harm". That's it. A lot of people go through shit. It's like any other scar really. Also your picrel would be near invisible at conversational distance (I hope it doesn't sound like I'm devaluing your experience and feelings)

No. 347563

Same as >>347561 I've self-harmed in the past but in a way that didn't leave scars so I also feel a kind of solidarity, but if the person's scars are super fresh or coldnessinmyheart tier I'd be concerned.

No. 347567

hi anon, i've never self harmed but i probably wouldn't really notice them. if it helps most people aren't looking at you very closely. if i did see them i would feel sad that somebody had gone through that but i wouldn't see the person as somehow less stable or less like someone i'd want to be friends with. hope i phrased that okay. don't worry about them

No. 347577

Ty anons, you have no idea how reassuring/hopeful your responses make me feel. Ik it's dumb but I'm so self-conscious of them especially since I want to be a white collar professional now and feel like everyone must be judging me even though I know simultaneously that everyone's in their own heads, living their own lives, and they don't give a shit about me.

No. 347580

I dont think I would notice that at first glance. If it makes you feel better, I have massive ones, like near mutilation level, and I have my legs and arms bare and I have a lot of friends and suitors. Hasnt scared anyone away

No. 347581

A lot of people hate me in college and thinks that I think I'm better than everyone. I don't see it tho, I really wish I could understand lol bc I want to be nice to people

No. 347585

one of the AYRT, youre welcome and don't worry about it. people are mostly too concerned with whether others are looking at their pimple or something to even care about your arms. good luck with getting that job!

your statement is kinda vague, who are these people and what are they actually saying? anyway anon, you may unintentionally come off a little stand offish or uninterested in others. it's the little things. like when people talk, are you engaged or are you looking at your phone/obviously uninterested? do you accidentally come off as condescending when you give advice?
are you a part of any clubs/hang around on campus with friends, or do you go to classes and pack up without talking to anyone? no judgement here, we all know people can make weird assumptions about us for no good reason. i'm just wondering if you unintentionally do things that make people feel that way.
if i can give any advice, maybe joining some clubs would help, or making/joining a study group? i'm not well known in my uni, but if i am known for anything it's probably for sharing my notes or helping out in class groupchats.

No. 347598

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>>347288 how do i stop pulling my hair out?? i have ocd and compulsively pull at my hair. At this point I have a bald spot at the front of my head. I love to fidget so it's hard to stop. any other nonnies know good ways to deal w/ this?

No. 347622

Find other ways to fidget maybe? You can get a bracelet or something to play with or try to do something that busies your hands as a way of distraction

No. 347637

My dream self employed job isnt quite cutting it financially. My busy season is coming up so it will be good for a couple months then it will die again. There are only 6 to 7 mo a year where business is good, I am learning. There is a part time job with benefits that are walking distance to me and decent enough pay that just opened which I am very qualified for. Do I apply to that now and reduce the amount of time I spend on my own business, even though busy season is coming (but it will die again) just to have some guaranteed income during those slow times? It hurts to feel like I am 'giving up' on my self employment, but I think the slow times are just straight up unfeasible financially. I am barely above water and I hate to admit it. Busy season is coming though and having another job will absolutely impede the money I can make during it though which would be better than the hourly pay at the part time job. Idk if I wait to apply after busy season if the job will still be there though. Apply now or no?

No. 347655

Would it be socially acceptable to contact a guy that I have never met on social media? He plays sports and I have been to few of his games and I have seen some interviews of him and I just think he seems lovely. I just don't know if I should contact him or not. I have never been in a relationship or in a situation like this, where I really feel like I want to try to get to know someone. I don't even know what I would say to him.

No. 347656

i think its fine nona i would do it. dm him and say youve seen him play and compliment his game or something. or take the old school route and follow him on instagram and like all his pictures until he says something kek

No. 347663

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nonnas I just realized that I fell in love with a NEET what have I done.

No. 347665

Don't know who needs to hear this but no man on earth has friends that care about controlling his life, relationships, etc

His friends didn't "drag him to every party" and that's why he didn't text you. He wanted to go and is responsible for his actions including relationship responsibilities. Also he's probably cheating and didn't want the other girl to see him text you

He didn't add you not because "his friends are crazy and would contact you", he just didn't want his other girl to see you kek

If refuses to introduce you to family, friends etc HE HAS ANOTHER. I don't care what he tells you or how convincing he is. Yes even your long lost soul mate is capable of lying

No. 347667

How do you deal with the type of extremely anxious person whose anxiety expresses itself as a controlling personality? I used to be like that and so have my family members so I get it, but I also don't really know how to manage that kind of behaviour in a group setting of mostly-strangers. For context, someone in my D&D group gets really antsy about playing optimally and following the rules, to the point where she panics if she doesn't know something and tries to shout over other players when they're not doing what she thinks is most efficient. She's young and obviously got some social anxiety so I just dealt with it ad-hoc at first, but I'm starting to think I need to have a chat with her about it before it gets worse. I don't really know her well enough to pull her aside and tell her to knock it off, so I was wondering if there was a more subtle way I could get her to cool it with the control freak tendencies during game sessions.

No. 347669

I thought this was going to be a form of backfooting you were about to describe but it just seems like tism. A lot of zoomers don't know how to express giving advice properly so they just say things that come off as controlling. Maybe suggest to her she should find a way to give advice without controlling others?

No. 347675

I've been talking to a guy on a dating app for a few days, he's my type to a T and we click pretty well. He proposed we go on a date when I stop by his town later this month. I haven't been on a date in like 6 months, how do I avoid fumbling it? We both had selected the same "nothing serious" option on the app so I'm pretty sure he might want to have sex with me as much as I do with him because he's really right up my alley, but he refused my offer to go to a show and wants to have a first date at a cafe first so we can "have a proper chat" and it makes me so nervous, I'm used to taking the edge off with a drink so things are less painful and I know it's retarded. We're into the same things but I'm so afraid he's going to think I'm weird and talk too much. How do I not fuck this up?

No. 347697

hide your retarded crush and find someone employed and mature instead

No. 347867

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how do you cut someone off who you know will go crazy and will curse you with candles and shit? they also consider their online friends ghosting them to be their greatest trauma and the source of their "abandonment issues"…
i know she will go insane so im actually considering to be so boring/annoying/whatever that she cuts me off instead? also i use this word super sparingly but i actually suspect she's a narcissist.
any advice about warding of the curses she puts on me are welcome too because im pretty sure she's been cursing me all along.

No. 347874

Have you tried not believing in stupid shit that isn't real?

No. 347876

If she curses people so much for dumb reasons then she probably doesn’t even have any curse juice left to curse you with. She’s a spiritual raisin. Trust me I’m a magic expert and I can see her pruny aura

No. 347896

Not sure if this is the right read nonnas but here I go;

Not to completely humblebrag but I consider myself to be an attractive person, and women (people I know and random bypassers) will compliment me and tell me they love my outfit or I'm pretty etc.

My issue is that this doesn't happen with men (or rather men I'm attracted too/in my age bracket). So nonnas I need to ask, what's the deal with that?

No. 347899

Its actually really easy. I had this exact experience once, and here's what I did.
>ex curses me and i find out
>i briefly panic
>i realize magic isnt real even if you add a k at the end
>nothing happens for 2+ years and counting
>problem solved
Not only that but you dont even have any proof that she's cursed you so why worry. I can guarantee you its all in your head. This is a make-believe issue.

No. 347922

Women are going to compliment the other women they meet while out and about because we are nice like that. Moids are a bit different. My sister is really pretty and she only has guys approaching her if she is at work i.e. can't be rude or run away. I'm decently attractive and I've never had a moid politely compliment me unless I was wearing anime merch kek. My friends and coworkers experience similar problems. You're not secretly ugly nona don't worry.

No. 347947

here's something i noticed, as another person who is, well, attractive. (i don't consider myself super hot but i've gotten comments all my life that i look like a model please don't drag me lol) once metoo hit, a lot of men became genuinely afraid of being accused of being creeps/predators. which is fucking stupid but that's when i noticed random compliments didn't happen as much. like i'd get driveby gross comments about my body from men who were able to quickly get away from me, but in a "polite" social setting men avoid talking to me and seem afraid of me even if they're blatantly staring at my body in some way. i think culture has made them scared to be as gross or bold as they used to be.

No. 347950

So I made the very regrettable decision to travel with a coworker I’m suspecting is very toxic and narcissistic. I wouldn’t had agreed to go on this trip if I could go back in time. So, she told me she would do all the booking and stuff and I trusted her because she’s older and more experienced. I just found out she booked a single room (singe bed??!) for the both of us… I paid half the expenses. I’m not comfortable sleeping in the same bed as her and she never asked me if I was. I’ve known her for less than a year. I brought this up on a recent phone conversation very calmly and she became very defensive and dismissive. It’s very weird. Before this, she was very nice to me and would buy me food all the time, which I found a bit odd, but I was very appreciative and thought maybe it’s her way of showing kindness. I bought her food as well as a thank you back.

Idk what to make of this. The trip is only 1 week and I honestly don’t want to go. Yesterday, we went out for a coffee and she was moaning the whole time and was not talkative. She is very draining and talks about her toxic relationship in every phone call and meet up, and she spams me with texts and calls if I don’t answer. I dont want to travel to a new place with a person who is negative and draining all the time. I saw glimpses of this behavior in the beginning of our friendship but I brushed it off as them having a bad day and her going through a rough patch and I was trying to help her.

What should I do? I’m a very independent person and I’m not shy about exploring new places. I’m not going to let her ruin my trip.

No. 347976

It just means you're unattractive or you've changed in style/demeanor coincidentally since metoo so you're less approachable by women and men who would've otherwise have conversations with you. Most women, myself included, still get compliments often and we're just average looking women. Metoo didn't stop anything, unfortunately. And sexual abuse rates are still high. Saying you never get asked out / complimented since metoo is ugly cope or mens right sperging.
You're fine. Men usually don't know how to compliment women unless they have a lot of female friends. Usually they'll compliment your outfit or hair if they're not retarded. If they're retarded, they'll creepily compliment stranger women to hit on them and get rejected a few times so give up.

No. 347979

NTA but your instinct to call that anon ugly because she said that a feminist movement had a positive impact on men's freedom to grossly comment on women publicly is so strange. She even said it's stupid of them to be scared because we all know they won't face any actual repercussions, but the point is the delusional victim complex a lot of men have developed about women being out to accuse them does make them stop and think before they speak even though it's not out of respect.

Just cancel the room and book your own unless she rearranges for two beds. You still have time to establish that boundary. She was probably very nice and accommodating to you because she noticed you were nice and wanted to pull you in.

No. 347986

> you've changed in style/demeanor coincidentally since metoo
Up is is what I said.
>once metoo hit, a lot of men became genuinely afraid of being accused of being creeps/predators. which is fucking stupid but that's when i noticed random compliments didn't happen as much.
>but in a "polite" social setting men avoid talking to me and seem afraid of me
Is what she said. I didn't think her comment was about a positive change. Maybe I judged it wrong but I've seen a lot of anons blame metoo for men complimenting or approaching them less which I find to be untrue.

No. 347991

I'm attractive and maybe it's because I'm young but ime men don't actually approach you these days unless they're PUAs or delusional. I think it's worse the younger you are because guys are more and more porn addicted which somehow makes them scared of interacting with women??
My ex approached me but it took him over a month to get the courage to do it…
I really don't know what the deal is either but don't worry, you're not ugly because men don't approach you. Define your sense of self-worth on something else and you'll be happier.

No. 348439

I didn’t know how to so I didn’t do it. Trip so far has been a headache. I’ve remained calm and never raised my voice simply because I plan on ghosting her once this is over and I’m in a foreign country and I don’t want to risk my safety. She complains 24/7 and is indecisive. I just say ok and move along. Sad part is this place is absolutely gorgeous and I would’ve had a blast if I went with someone else. She’s also very hot and cold with me but the thing is idgaf so she doesn’t change my mood. I noticed she gives backhanded compliments about my body while being 20+ years older than me and I find it very sad for her.

No. 348812

hi nonnies.. I have placed an appointment for a primary care doctor in 2 weeks and…honestly I'm not doing so great. I have always had fatigue issues - I've probably just had 1 day in my life I had energy and it was like waking up from a lifelong nightmare - but these past few days…I don't know what happened, I have felt absolutely terrible and I'm not getting better and I don't know why.
>extreme numbness/weakness across my body; at its worst I was getting pins and needles on top of it
>very bad neck pain and tension, especially on the upper back part
>unusual-for-me headaches, like lightning bolts in my head
>very bad fatigue, especially in my head with a ton of eye pain; I visibly look like death with sunken black pits around my eyes

so…I'm asking for advice because quite frankly I assume my doctor will probably just refer me to a chiropractor or dismiss it as being a nonissue. Should I try asking for a specific test? Specialist? Pretty sure it's not a vitamin D thing, I take some.

No. 348817

Yeah men either don't communicate with women at all or expect every situation to turn into a porno. It's so fucking weird

No. 348870

How awkward / inapproriate would it be to contact my old high school friends after 3,5 years of no contact? We were friends for 9 years, and I broke away from the group during covid because I was in a very bad mental state. I just want want to apologize for my behaviour

No. 348872

Why is not being approached by, especially stranger men, a bad thing? Men shouldn't feel brave enough to approach random women before we show them interest, it's the way it should be. No thing is quite as annoying as a man believing he can get a date from a stranger if he asks enough women.

No. 348932

I don't think it's inappropriate but it's hard to say anything about the awkwardness because that 100% depends on how your friend feels about it and you can't tell without trying. Just try it, you've got nothing to lose. A 9 year friendship is a long history, that's a good reason to contact her again.

No. 348945

i struggle alot with body image (mainly because i'm fat), and years of browsing 4chn and other sexist websites have made me gain a complex where i believe i'm worthless because of my weight. i've also never dated before and want to try and find a boyfriend but i really feel like i need to wait until i'm skinny to be "worthy" for men. i know this is handmaiden mentality but i really have trouble shaking it and gaining confidence. i feel like the real, cold, hard truth is that men simply will like you better if you're 120 lbs regardless if you're ugly or not. i also feel like they only judge whether a woman is attractive based on their bodies only. and that really sucks because no matter how pretty i am i will always be grouped as ugly because i'm fat

No. 348952

I feel the same but let's be honest with ourselves… losing weight is a very obvious solution to the problem. Our weight is not something outside of our control 99% of the time so it doesn't make sense to dwell on it like some impossible obstacle to overcome.

No. 348969

you should probably sort out your issues before a bf. historically relationships haven't really fixed insecurity and mental health issues in women and usually are the cause of them worsening or being created to begin with, they're very entropic and rarely affirming.
as you are once you find someone you might feel like contorting yourself into an anorexic pretzel for his consumption. also, let's take the "men only value looks" thing at face value–if that's true then either try to find a unicorn or opt out of dating. over on 4chan they constantly go on about women expiring at 25 so if not weight there's that to contend with, kek.

No. 348989

So lose weight. Your problem is far more fixable than having an unattractive face is, really being fat isn't all that bad if you look at it that way.

No. 349015

Work on your body issues first and foremost, whether it's through therapy and/or diet and exercise.
>men simply will like you better if you're 120 lbs regardless if you're ugly or not
You know men have a variety of different preferences and that it truly doesn't matter to satiate them and gain validation from what some dick wants, right? Since you browsed 4chan and other various websites on the web, I'm sure you're aware of the massive amount of chubby chasers/fat fetishists/feeders etc. too. Ultimately, you need to work on your mental health and get that idea of men liking you a certain way out of your head. Fuck what they "like."

No. 349023

This won't be popular here, but as a fat woman I've never had trouble getting men.
I HAVE had to be more discretionary because my weight attracts unworthy men to me who think I will pick them because they, like you, have been memed into thinking fat women have limited options and are desperate.
But don't think shitty men aren't shooting their shots with women way out of their league too, it's just a reality all women have to face with the difference being us fatties have to fight against a social narrative that repeatedly tries to sell that we are shit and to settle for the worst of em.

So I've been told: I have a solid career, a great personality, friends, hobbies, homeowner, and I am mentally sane and responsible. You cannot fathom how desirable these traits become for men as you get older. Ironically, all the stuff we worked on when we thought our looks couldn't get us by are what draws men to us as we get older and the playing fields of looks start to draw even. I'm in my 30s, and while I still get the occasional loser it's amazing how many decent men have offered me a free place to stay, marriage, and kids.
It isn't over. You have to be confident and not let men take advantage of you.

No. 349031

yea nonna losing weight is very obviously my solution. i’m not mentally built to be fat and i almost envy other fat women who have the confidence as any other person. i’m what they call a “fatphobic fattie”.
>over on 4chan they constantly go on about women expiring at 25
4chan is a specific type of brain cancer and i know the stuff said there doesn’t actually apply in real life, but sometimes i cant help thinking that men are all truly like that at their core (having idealized, sexist dogmatic views on women)
i have and will keep losing weight. and yea im grateful that this problem is actually fixable and im more insecure with my weight than my looks, so there’s that
chubby chasers and feeders are abhorrent and my worst nightmare and yea ive seen alot of shitposts about ridiculously obese anime women. i can’t describe why but that fetish is probably one of the most sinister fetishes ive ever came across online (and ive seen alot).
>Fuck what they "like."
being starved for male attention most my life has made me put them on a pedestal of sorts and i realize that now. i always think about that one meme where it jokes how men would literally rape an animal so seeking validation and attention from their species is ultimately very easy and not worth much
>fatties have to fight against a social narrative that repeatedly tries to sell that we are shit
this is the exact reason why i hate being fat and a driving force that makes me want to be a normal sixe, but its honestly relieving to hear that you’re able to receive attention from non-weirdo men and bottom teir losers. you must be a really pretty, beautiful soul if men are straight up asking you for marriage and kids
i’ve seen alot of fat/skinny couples who look happy, but i’d feel almost like a failure if i’m still fat by the time i get in my first relationship idk i really do have to go to therapy or something like other nonnas said. it’s definitely more of a me problem

No. 349070

How do I get over the fact I fucked some ugly moid from my university and have to see him nearly every day in class. I know it sounds silly but I feel so disgusted for letting myself stoop to that level. He is not just ugly to me, he is objectively bad looking. Super super skinny too, like emaciated. I had really poor mental health back when I made the decision and viewed myself so lowly that I guess it influenced my decision a lot, because now that I’m in a way better place it just baffles me how I even let myself do that. I know sex is not THAT deep, but still feels like I gave a part of me to someone who didn’t deserve it at all. Every time I see him or know I’ll be seeing him it’s a reminder. Fuck

No. 349106

Just loose weight. Eat one meal less a day.

No. 349130

I have been there, it is a terrible feeling. If you can, just really ignore him. It’s not fair that scrotes can laugh off sex with an “ugly girl” publicly but if you wanted to loudly insult this scrote to your friends in public to make yourself feel a little better about a lapse in judgement you’d prob get scolded

No. 349311

I'm going to have to start therapy soon because I had a panic attack in front of my mom and ended up admitting I have been more depressed than ever. I don't really know what to expect or where to start? Should I go to a psychiatrist or therapist? Talk therapy didn't do much for me in high school. I have trauma from csa, been dealing with depression since I was a kid but I also have some symptoms that could be bpd, the tism or adhd. I'm also an anachan so that complicates things. The biggest issue is that nothing interests me anymore. I have no likes, no hobbies. I feel numb and isolated all the time. Can't connect with people at all. I manage to look normal and even scored a great internship/job but outside of that I'm really dead inside. Nothing makes me happy for more than a fleeting moment.

Where the fuck do you start with all of this? To make matters worse, I'm a eurofag from a small country. I tried researching therapists/psychs in the area and no one here specializes in trauma, eds, adult tism, CBT/DBT.

No. 349314

NTA but you sound like a moid

No. 349318

If you're older than 25 I would suggest to try talk therapy again first. Your brain as a high schooler wasn't very capable of rationality then. Otherwise, go to a psychiatrist. The only thing that's going to suck about being on meds is that you'll be numb feeling, but have the motivation to do things. I personally didn't like being zombified and enjoying myself, but if you think of it as a temporary start to get in the right mindset, definitely go for it.
There's some self help books for all those types of therapy, along with YouTube videos of therapists who make videos about certain topics, it's helpful if you cannot go to a therapist ASAP. Self talk is also helpful. Please do talk to yourself out loud, it's one of the most therapeutic ways to find yourself.

No. 349347

Whatever you decide make sure you see someone with an actual medical degree, not a therapist with a useless social work degree

No. 349490

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Hey nonnies. I'm not sure what's wrong with me. But if anyone relates, can I have some help?
>be me
>autistic kid
>weird and lonely most of life
>come from home with sadistic, gaslighting father, very autistic sibling who drives mother over the edge, who becomes depressed and hurtful, suicide attempting sister who moves out early, feel like i have no one
>gaslighted by family often
>school is miserable, violent towards me
>go days without talking to a human being unless im being harassed, severely isolated
>lose my sense of self, become addicted to daydreaming, start to feel detached from reality
ffw to now
>do funny drug and realise that i am a person, what the hell, i'm real, im alive, i am worthy of love because i love others, this is real
>come back to reality
>realise i struggle to accept that i am loved at all, even as i start to connect with people around me and am getting married soon, i never feel securely loved
>convince myself i am a terrible person, when actually, i am affectionate and loving, with a strong conscience
>attention seeking tendencies that i rarely act on
>think people hate me all the time
>withdraw from connections because i think im annoying
>feel pervasive guilt and worthlessness
>in between jobs, no irl friends my age, probably contributes to mental health (people my age are starting uni and stuff)
>feel this weariness for existence that i am way too young to be feeling
>full of rage, sometimes want to break things again, hurt the people who traumatised and humiliated me, terrified i may become abusive like my father
>often detached from reality and pretending to be normal to avoid stressing people out
Am I ruined forever? Do I still have life ahead of me? Can I get better from this? I want to feel real again. I want to remember I'm a person, after all the pain and humiliation, I want to identify with this body again. I want to feel energy, I want to know I am loved and accept it.

No. 349491

Im not. Anon can be bothered by this for the rest if her life, or she can commit to the lifestyle chance of getting a healthy weight. Moid attention or not, she'll be bothered by this until she changes.

No. 349582

File: 1695313802640.png (392.84 KB, 605x905, foxblood.PNG)

Thoughts on this for a goth-ish engagement photoshoot? Also, what would you expect that the groom-to-be would wear? If I wear stripes, I wouldn't want him wearing any stripes, it's not his vibe anywhere. A touch of burgundy?

No. 349585

Have him naked and covered in fake blood.

No. 349593

File: 1695316678032.jpg (173.17 KB, 1470x1000, him.jpg)

I hope you're marrying him
In all seriousness though I think you could have a small touch of burgundy or flowers somewhere. Maybe like, a brooch?
Should make it real blood actually

No. 349631

I need advice on whether or not to pursue doctoral grad school. My original plan was to go into a PhD program for psychology (which I am competitive for), I’ve done a lot of research and spoken to a lot of people who are currently in programs for clinical psych, and I realize that it might not be what I want. My biggest reason for being turned off on getting a doctorate is the fact that I will be living in basic poverty for about five years. Rent is extremely expensive wherever you go (even in smaller towns), and the salary that grad students make are basically poverty levels. So pursuing a doctorate degree for five or six years is basically subjecting myself to low wage the entire time, when, instead, I could probably just work towards the current career path that I have, and make money and live comfortably. However, my dream job is to be a therapist. The other alternative to becoming a licensed therapist could be a 2 to 3 year masters program, the only problem with that is that these programs are not funded and cost like 20 to 30 K and I would have to probably take out loans. Which I don’t want to do.

Another problem that’s turning me off on grad school is my age (24) and my future prospects of where I want to be; I want to get married, and have children before the age of 35. Obviously, that isn’t a strict timeline but I would like to find someone and get married and start a family around the next 10ish years of my life. I feel like a doctorate degree will make it hard for me to even find a boyfriend or a husband, let alone get pregnant and start a family.

I’m basically juggling my desire to find a husband and start a family and live a comfortable life with my desire to become a therapist. I know women have, and are doing both at the same time, but but I’m very torn and confused over what I actually want to do with my life. I do want a career in therapy, a solid and decent salary income, but I also want to be able to have the freedom to find a husband and start a family.

At the moment, I’m leaning towards pursuing a masters. But honestly, I’ve been flip-flopping between both ideas for the past two years. A masters cost money, but you graduate quicker and earn your license quicker and will be able to enter the workforce at a decent salary quicker. A PhD takes time, and additionally, you’re subjected to a low income style of living for the entirety of the program (unless you live in a double income household or have somebody supporting you). At the moment, I don’t have a significant other, I have a wonderful parents who would support me, but not to the extent that they would be able to help me pay rent, and living cost during the entirety of the potential PhD program. Also, I absolutely do not want to subject them into thinking they have to help me pay rent and live well into my 20s because they also have their own lives to pay for and retirement and all of that. I currently have a job and earn a modest salary, not a lot, but just enough to get by and save a little each month.

But yeah, sorry for the word salad. TLDR: I want to become a therapist, but I am juggling between the PhD route or the masters route, and also considering where I want my personal life to go in the next 5 to 10 years, and how grad school will affect that. I really would like any advice or insight that can help me gain clarity. And lastly, what I really envision, for my future is to be happily married with both me and my husband, making an income and pursuing careers we are both passionate in, and eventually raising a family.

No. 349674

Have any of you ever had issues with group projects in school? I had some kind of a falling out with my group recently and I don't know what to do. They don't want to use my material, like even take a look at my work or sources, and they talk to me a bit aggressively and are condescending. We have very different styles, they work fast and smart, I like to ask questions. They hate answering to me. Last time I spoke to them I apologized for not understanding the task and asked for help… they've since then literally pretended to not see or hear me when I've spoken to them f2f. They've been working on the project without telling me and seem upset that I'm not working as hard as them. Can I go complain to a teacher and ask to be put into another group? The project should be about 50%-90% done and I'm afraid it's too late. But also I don't want my name on something I haven't worked on and it's very unfair to my group as well. This situation has made me very anxious, I'm not comfortable working with them anymore and I'm afraid I'm going to have to fail the whole class.

No. 349700

im around your age so grain of salt but imo don't trade off a degree for looking for a husband. A man can turn out to be rotten but a degree will serve you well. We're in our mid 20s, it's the perfect time to chase our goals with singleminded pursuit. If you try to settle down now I think you might never get to advance your career meaningfully. Plus, you have greater chances of finding an actually discplined and responsible moid who'll bring in his own income in higher academia than in the general public

No. 349784

I'm deathly afraid of being one of those women who put their career or academics first and then find themselves hopelessly alone and single well into their 30s. I know some women are fine with that, but for me personally I really look forward to marriage and value family. Maybe I think this way because I'm inexperienced with moids so you probably know better than to prioritize finding a husband over your passions. I really just want both, and I feel a PhD will just make it almost more impossible to live the life I want. But rest assure nonna I'm not going to trade off a degree for a man, I still plan on pursuing my dream one way or another. I just want to be realistic and not committ myself to a situation where I will be miserable. I don't even know where to start finding a "nigel" anyways.

No. 349794

You’ll meet so many new people in school! There’s going to be so many opportunities to meet men with the same values and goals as you have, or find women who are in the same place as you. Imo, socializing in school at this age is pretty much the only way to meet potential partners. I also think that having and raising kids is easier if you have a good job. Higher education guarantees that, right? Lol. I’m all for education and I’m sure you’ll be fine as long as you get out there.

No. 349828

I'm supposed to meet my boyfriend's family soon and I'm so nervous. I'm still in the middle of losing weight, an insecurity I really struggle a lot with. Throughout my relationship with my boyfriend he has told me different stories about how insanely judgy his family is. Not just about physical appearance, but about everything. They judge other people very harshly and are overly critical about everything they deem wrong with someone.
My boyfriend doesn't have a very close relationship with his family, he doesn't care what his family thinks of me, but meeting his family is still an important step in our relationship. His sister is hosting a dinner at her house, and it will be the sister, her long term boyfriend, and the parents. I'm mainly worried his family will judge me for my weight, and also the fact that I am white but they are not.

No. 349835

I'm around the same age and same situation as you. I have a decent job right now with just a bachelor's but I'm also interested in going further in pursuing a PhD. I can either stay at this job with my current career progression, and eventually make 6 figures, but I also think a PhD opens up so many career opportunities that would be a dream job for me.

I don't know what the field is like for psychology but is "mastering ou" an option for PhD students? Like you apply to the PhD program first but change your mind midway so you just graduate with a Master's instead. This is often an option for research based grad programs and in this way you won't be in so much debt. If an advanced degree will help you lead to your dream career path then I would say definitely go for grad school! Grad school takes a tremendous amount of time, dedication, and sacrifice though so your life is basically put on hold. There's a reason why people I've met with PhDs only start having children when they're in their 40s. I also agree with the other anon who replied to you. A lot of people end up meeting their future partners and lifelong friends in grad school and at least this way they share the same values and work ethic as you. Would you rather play the dating app game trying to find a moid that's right for you or spontaneously find a life partner who will have the same values and goals as you? It seems like you're already sure of the kind of life you want so you just have to put yourself out there and achieve it. Good luck anon.

No. 349866

File: 1695529638328.jpg (206.8 KB, 1080x1362, Tumblr_l_208416587142734.jpg)

Nonas, I need emotional advice about my sister. This is a really small issue, but it bothers me so much in the moment and I can't figure out why. When we hang out, in the evenings (every few months, we live several hours away from eachother), she will very abruptly stop the hang and announce she's heading to bed. To me, it feels rude and out of nowhere. I guess with other people I've hung out with there's more of a gradual wind-down before people leave or go to bed. But we'll be having a great time, laughing, watching silly TV, talking, and all of the sudden… she's like "I've got to go to bed, bye". I guess I can understand that obviously people get tired, but it's so abrupt. I end up feeling surprised and my feelings are hurt. I think I feel rejected and abandoned in the moment. It's like she shuts down the fun from 10 to 0 in one second. I know it's so silly but it really bothers me. Advice? Have you felt like this before (on either side)?

No. 349872

lmao I do that to my sister, she's never cared afaik but now I'm like damn am I hurting her feelings… ?But basically I don't feel the need to be tactful or polite with someone I'm that close to and comfortable with, and I'm usually tired long before I actually say I'm going to bed so by that point I'm dead on my feet. It's like, she's family and we grew up together so it feels normal to just go to bed whenever and not have to make my excuses or whatever like I would if I was ditching friends.

But you know her best, I'm a notoriously low energy introvert who goes to bed at 8 most nights and if she's not then maybe you're getting bad vibes for a reason. You could always just ask next time it happens.

No. 349873

i want to get out of my relationship, but i live with him… what do i do? i don’t have any money right now. i’ll start a job in a month though. ugh

No. 349876

Lol anon your sister is just comfortable enough around you to drop "pretentious" social norms. That's a good thing, not a bad thing because it means you're close to each other. If it really bothers you that much you could ask her to announce she'll go to bed in 15 minutes or so, so you can mentally prepare.

No. 349908

Not sure if there's a dating advice thread, sorry if there is and I'm posting in the wrong one. I'm in my last year of college and I've been on two dates with a guy who is also in my year but is 2 years older than me bc he took a few years off but I really like him and he actually treats me so well. I'm a late bloomer when it comes to dating though and I've never had an actual real romantic kiss that isn't just like a peck with one of my friends (also a virgin lol) I just never had anyone like me when I was younger and the few times someone did I didn't like them back. I almost kissed him on our last date but I didn't because I was so scared I would be bad and I think part of why he likes me is that I'm really strong, confident, and outgoing so I feel like me having no experience would kind of break that facade so I'm scared to tell him (he also makes jokes about STEM people being virgins but i think it's just him trying to show off lmao) I think I'm gonna see home next weekend, should I try to tell him that I've never kissed anyone before? I'm just so embarrassed by it I'm literally thinking about just going to a frat party to kiss random guys so I can at least have some experience or asking one of my friends to teach me. any other late bloomer nonnies with advice?

No. 349951

I do that with my sister because she doesn't leave me alone otherwise. She's on the spectrum so she doesn't pick up on the cues I give her, like yawning or saying how late it is and that I have work. Maybe your sister is giving you cues and you're not picking them up?

No. 349966

I know you were joking (?) but I wouldn’t go hang out with other guys like that if I were serious about someone. He might hear about it and it might ruin his image of you… Someone might tell him you’re easy and have a habit of kissing strangers.
I’m insecure too, and might not tell that I don’t have experience. But I don’t think people need to have experience in these kind of things. It’s up to how comfortable you’re with him knowibg intimate things about you. He might think it’s cute, and you could learn together, haha

No. 350376

File: 1695892771586.jpg (34.48 KB, 564x1077, 30106c6ec1f0134e800d3e3bc45a1f…)

How can I be okay with my own "type" of success?
It seems that, now more than ever, being ultra successful™ is all that matters. Having millions in assets or being famous one way or another, I feel so out of the loop. Like if I keep a standard job or I'm an artist, or a business owner I either gotta be grinding™ and hustling™ up in this to create an EmPIrE or some bullshit like that. It feels so strange and exhausting if I'm honest but it does affect me in a weird way.
For example my best friend still lives with her parents (no shame in that) but instead of saving or investing she is using all the money she gets from her job to go out, drink, maybe travel and have a good time (also no shame in that). But she does all of that for instagram and fomo, it makes me wonder "Is this normal? am I the abnormal one? Am I living my life wrong?". I don't believe in the retarded ape pyramidal hierarchy of "I gotta be #1 no matter what!1!" bullshit, but I see how it is affecting everything around me and to be honest is starting to make me feel very inadequate. Like I'm wasting my life, like I am supposed to aim for something "better", like I should have had my life fixed and ready for retirement at 35, is fucking insane. So how can I ignore all of that and stay on my lane? am I the retarded one? I don't think is wrong to want a chill life with a normie job and no travelling I hate travelling and experiences™ or insane "memories" or whatever. How can I manage this feeling of inadequacy towards unrealistic and impossible standards of success even tho they're hammered on the mainstream population on the daily?

No. 350379

File: 1695895454125.jpeg (128.69 KB, 1352x935, IMG_1328.jpeg)

You're not retarded, your life isn't wrong. All human beings have free will and we all choose what we want out of life. My advice is to centre yourself around your core values. Look at this list, choose the ones that are most important to you, and then come up with activities/choices/ways of thinking that reflect the chosen value. Then try to do some of those things. In this way you'll stay focused on what you love and what you actually want, and you'll have no need to compare yourself to others.
And about that comparison: are you under direct pressure to make choices you disagree with? If so, maybe reevaluate those relationships and perhaps quit social media. If the pressure is more indirect, like cultural osmosis, then it might help to learn about people past and present whose lifestyles are similar to what you have/would like to have. Plenty of people are homebodies, artists, introverts, just going slow. You will probably have to dig around for those people but they exist. You're not alone.
You already know what you believe in, you didn't fall into any inescapable traps, your life has the potential to unfold any way you want. Nobody can take it away from you either: your free will. They can grind and hustle and travel and fomo all they want— it has nothing to do with you. Those are their choices. It's frustrating to watch so many people doing the most and gaining the least, but this is the era we're living in right now. You cant control anybody else's mindset or opinions (including their opinions about your lifestyle) so just focus on you. Make choices that YOU are proud of.
>focus on your own values
>seek like minded people as friends and role models
>serenity prayer

No. 350403

Nonnas, I'm in a situation where my ex is still on the lease and I'm in a potentially dangerous position. Would my landlord be able to rekey the apartment since he's not living there anymore, but didn't have the money to get himself off the lease? He still has the apartment keys and kept them because he wanted to be petty due to me not letting him take something he gave to me because he changed his mind.
My best friend said she's worried I don't have a sense of self protection and I should deny him entry to the apartment even when I'm not at home, because he could be hiding in there or steal more of my stuff. He's been threatening suicide so she also sees the scenario of him being too chicken to kill himself and making me do it as a form of self protection because I own a gun.
He still hasn't picked up his pet, which should be in about a week. I just want him to take his pet and then I could rekey the locks. I just don't want him to try to pick up his dog when I'm not home and he finds out he can't enter and potentially destroys property to get to the dog and then gets upset with me even more.
I feel it's a complicated situation, if anything I'd rather bring the dog to him, but that still puts me at risk of him doing something right then and there, especially if I ask for the key. He can keep the mailbox key for all I care, he rarely ever checked it in the first place, but the priority is my life.
Once the dog is gone, he literally has no reason to be there.
Because of my best friends criticism, I was thinking of the fact that he knows where I work and even when I'm not at home, he could easily try to create a scene if he couldn't get access to his dog because the apartment is rekeyed.

No. 350427

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Here's what you can do. Contact your landlord immediately. Explain the situation to them and ask about rekeying the locks for your safety. Your safety is of the utmost importance right now. Do not put his dog before yourself. That's crazy, nonnie. He basically abandoned the poor thing. Document everything and keep records of any threatening messages or incidents involving your ex. This info could be helpful in the future if he escalates the situation in any way. Keep your friends and family (if you're close) in the loop and develop a safety plan with them, including what steps you'll take if he enters the apartment without your permission or if you feel threatened. If you think your safety is at risk, call the police. I know it can feel like they won't do anything and it's useless, but trust me you will want a paper trail if anything escalates in the future. And if he continues to pose a threat to your safety, it'll be that much easier to get a restraining order. I know this is incredibly difficult, but you aren't alone and there are people who care about your well-being. Your safety is the most important thing right now. Please prioritize it.

No. 350578

Is it true depression can only be alleviated by forcing yourself to do things you'd want to do without depression, like robotically until it becomes routine?

No. 350587

File: 1696007158173.jpeg (243.04 KB, 1000x988, IMG_7901.jpeg)

sorry to ask such a stupid question amidst all of the loaded ones, but i hope its still ok i do so. i have been at my current fast food coffee job for 2 years now and i wont have my degree for another 1.5 years. im considering applying to be a library assistant because i feel itd look great on my resume (im between an academic career or becoming a librarian as i am an english major—hard to believe with my post heh im in a rush!)

my current fast food job is quite stressful and im very burnt out. i dont plan to move or get a career for another 1.5-2 years at least meaning id stay at this very job. im scared to leave incase the company positively changes, and the pay is decent compared to other jobs where i live. ($16-17 an hour depending on tips) but on the other hand i feel i really need some change and might adore the library environment. if im less stressed, im sure i could supplement the little income loss with more time to my side jobs since id have less stress.

pros of the library job/quitting current job would be:
- closer to home
- change, new environment
- less stress than fast food, doubt id have down time but if i did i can do homework
- good for resume and experience!

- no free coffee or opportunity for benefits (dont use any of them now at my current one)
- less flexible with time off (but i wonder if i let them know in advance if itd be ok?)
- id make $1-2 less than my current job
- job might be awful

thank you nonnies…

No. 350591

no there are others ways to alleviate depression. but behavioral activation which you're referring to is proven to be effective.

No. 350592

If you can get the job at the library, DO IT. I worked as a lib assistant for 6 years (19-25) and it was the best job I ever had. It was close to my house as well, my shifts were almost always the same, and I genuinely enjoyed the work even though patrons can get super weird and annoying sometimes. It might not pay as much to start but a lot of libraries will pay for you to go to get your masters in library science if you say you want to. Good luck!!!

No. 350593

Samfag, a lot of libraries have keurigs in the work rooms of departments so you might still get free coffee hehe. I made a lot of friends working there who were like minded oddballs, and was able to get so many albums to add to my music library through ILL. Seriously cannot speak more highly about it as a job. Also you can do homework and shit when it’s slow!

No. 350594

I went from retail to becoming a library assistant and it was the best decision I ever made. I started off part time and took a huge cut in hours/pay but the lack of stress was so worth it. I’m now full time and was able to move out with my pay, I have paid leave, paid sick time and healthcare benefits. Even at my busiest at work, there’s time to work on homework and personal projects. And even at its absolute worst, my library job is so comfortable and pleasant compared to what I considered mildly stressful days in retail and fast food.
Fast food companies will never get better nonna, you’re giving into the sunk cost fallacy. Plus you’re considering being a librarian. This will give you a taste of what it’s like and help you decide your eventual career path. Being a librarian has also been emotionally rewarding to me in a way fast food and retail could never ever be. I have a feeling doing Reader’s advisory, actually helping people with something meaningful, and just being around books all day would be great and a meaningful experience for you. Plus this diversifies your resume. I’ve had no problem getting time off when I let them know in advance.
I’ve met so many great people at this job and it’s the most fun I’ve ever had. I feel like I’ve found a career for life . Do not let free coffee and staying comfortable be a guide in this decision lol. Good luck!

No. 350595

Being close to home, working in your (potential) field, and having a less stressful work environment seems like a no-brainer. I would go for it. It doesn't hurt to try and it will sharpen your job applying skills, too. I recommend using ChatGPT to help write your resume and once you're done, use JobScan to check it. You got this!

No. 350596

Do it, library positions are hard to come by because they're super comfy.

No. 350616

Samefag 5 months later. I ended up sending him a long message explaining that i didnt really want to reconnect after all. I closed the chat, i thought he read it and didnt respond but a couple days ago i noticed he did. I dont want to open it (i feel guilty). However there have been a couple times in which I go through his old YT or Twitch channel even though he doesnt really post anything. Sometimes i look for his name or username and hope something pops up. He doesnt really use socials but he never blocked me or unfriended me on discord and hes still alive and well. I feel like some crazed ex-girlfriend stalking him even though we werent really together (see og post). Am i going to be an asshole if i text him just to see how he's been doing? I don’t want to be in a relationship with him because I'm not attracted to him, but we did speak daily since 2018, and he did have some feelings for me. (If it wasnt too obvious) I've never been in an actual irl relationship before, how do you guys deal with this?

No. 350632

Damn I'm not even in a field at all related to language or lit or libraries, but you all are making me jealous and wish I was a librarian.

No. 350767

File: 1696115121016.jpg (176.08 KB, 1080x1451, Screenshot_2023-10-01-01-00-30…)

I can never choose when it comes to colored items. Which bottle should I get nones?

No. 350768

green (frog color)

No. 350807

From cutest to least cute: bottom right, top left, bottom left, top right

No. 350816

Hi nonnies sorry if this is stupid but during my first year of college I barely made any friends and I would like to change that, but I feel like everyone has their own group now and I find it hard to start conversations. Im going to a club today and was wondering if somenonnie has any advice on how to start conversations? Thanks

No. 350840

File: 1696170956863.jpg (113.62 KB, 779x1095, IMG_20231001_163406.jpg)

I didn't notice there was a fifth variant
So it looks like the green one wins overall huh

No. 350908

File: 1696208016749.jpg (115.46 KB, 1280x720, maxresdefault (4).jpg)

Just found out I am pregnant. We had planned this but I didn't expect to get pregnant after the very first attempt. I feel unprepared even though that's not the case. I don't know how to feel about it. I am both happy and sad about how my life will change. Those who have gone through pregnancy please give me any tips or things you wish you knew.

No. 350971

I'm so sorry anon

No. 351631

My roommate is upset that I don't give a shit about anything he's interested in and talks to me about. I do this with nearly everyone I talk to as well, and I didn't realize it was that obvious that I don't care about whatever people are talking about. It's hard for me to feign interest, and I tend to have a resting bitch face so that probably doesn't help.
How can I work towards caring about my friend's interests? Even if it's just faking it? I do feel bad about being this way and I want to repair things, but it feels like it would be so draining to pretend…

No. 351635

how did your club meeting go anon? have hope, having few friends in college is totally fine, just make sure you make friendly acquaintances with classmates to help fill some of that social need. studying and homework groups can help, and the misery of coursework bonds you for a while. they dont have to be friends forever, or even friends for a semester, but i hope the people you find help you out and that you can help them back

No. 351795

I found out my sister in law cuts and I would like to tell her it’s okay but she did not confide in me so I can’t. Even though I saw it (didn’t know for sure at the time that was what I was seeing) just wasnt confident that was it but it was. So now I have this information but nothing to do

No. 351797


Hate to sound awful, but … get a new roommate who is not a boring dude? Some social pretense is needed for living but I hate situations like this .

No. 351798

Seconding, what exactly is the appropriate response when someone tells you they actively self harm or they make it clear they do? Especially when there’s little opportunity to actually comfort or help the person in a meaningful way?

No. 351801

Yeah i don’t know what to do… maybe nothing? Probably nothing. I stayed at her place earlier this year and made no effort to hide my scars because I honestly forget about them (legs in running shorts, I don’t care) but my husband just told me she confided in him as part of therapy … I wish I was there to talk to her because he’s retarded (didn’t know what to say while she shed a tear and we are the same age so I really feel like I could have been there for her but…we are only in laws I get it but damn)

No. 351856

i'm considering exporting myself to burgerland.
i'm a eurofag and i'd like to do a phd but nobody cares about my research topic in my country, and i know i would have great opportunities in the us. i've already spent a year in the us as part of an exchange program, and i felt miserable a lot of the time but there were also some really wonderful moments, and now that i am back i realize that i'd idealized my home country a lot.
i'm mostly worried about the quality of life, which i feel is much lower in the us than in my home country.
has anyone here chosen to live in the us? what do burgerfags think of leaving western europe to come to their country?

No. 351857

I would move to another place in Europe rather than bugerland

No. 351867

Can you drive or are you willing to learn?

No. 351868

PhD students in the US get shit pay and zero benefits like health insurance or time off. You will have to fly back home for all medical care unless you are very wealthy.

No. 351869

I'm in Western Europe aswell and my mom spend a lot of her youth in the USA and Canada, she says the living standards aren't actually significantly lower than here and it's all just kind of blown out of proportion because of the internet. Did you actively experience a bothersome lower quality of life when you were there or do you feel like you're supposed to feel that way because of what you read on the internet?

No. 351870

yes, and i really like driving! but isn't it possible to live in a city? i don't wanna go back to fucking maryland

No. 351876

i thought the university covered your health insurance? flying back home isn't an issue tho, and i'm generally healthy. also i don't plan on moving long-term to the us.
housing is very expensive and low quality due to lack of regulation. also the environment was not very pleasant, but then i lived in a college town.

sorry for double-posting.

No. 351884

The university does not cover your health insurance, but if you have a very generous PI they might cover it. In my case, buying health insurance through the university cost an entire month of pay per semester so I went without.

No. 351886

Also double posting, but an important thing to know if you decide to go without insurance: if you have a medical emergency, make sure you don't bring your id or phone with you to the emergency room. Make up a fake name, etc. They can't charge you if they don't know who you are.

No. 351892

Honestly that sounds like the best option, if I can handle living with someone I've never met before.

No. 352215

kinda weird maybe but how to distance myself from the fondness i still have for old ex-friends? or does one just acknowledge and live with it. i also suspect i'm revisiting ex-friend nostalgic moments bc i dont want to face my problems in my life

i have a friend and we drifted apart and havent really talked in like… 3 years. or rather, she said she got really busy IRL and so drifted apart from a bunch of online friendships (including ours). for like 2 years it was just me sending a quick message on holidays wishing her well and her sending a quick wellness check message after she heard about a natural disaster in my country, but aside from that it's radio silence. i still wish her well, i hope she's doing well etc, but im annoyed at myself for mentally not letting her go when she detached herself from us and our entire mutual friend group. if she messaged me again i would totally talk, but im tired of always reaching out first and not being able to get over anything ever at all

No. 352383

I’m in serious depression mode right now. I haven’t showered in days, I haven’t brushed my teeth in a week before today, my room is an absolute mess and I feel disgusting. I’m also neglecting clear medical issues because I just don’t wanna bother leaving my home to get care. Every time I do a basic task that shouldn’t even take 20 minutes, I feel so drained. Brushing my teeth took so much out of me that I never want to leave bed again.

How do I clean up my life a little bit without burning out? I feel like if brushing my teeth was this bad, trying to do laundry or clean my room or even shower is gonna be worse

No. 352399

Keep trying anon! The tasks seem overwhelming, but the more you do, the better you'll feel. Get up and do a task for just 5 or 10 minutes. Sit down in the shower if you need to. Something is better than nothing, and if you keep going you'll eventually check something off your list. Good luck anon, I'd be there to help you if I could.

No. 352458

I don't want to do anything because it sounds too mentally draining. Video games, exercise, reading a book, learning a language, watching a movie or show. I enjoy all of those things when I've done them, even though I think I could be doing something else more important, but stop after an hour if I ever star and never pick them back up. I'm on antidepressants and an ADHD medication. They lift my mood but I still don't want to do anything, even simple stuff, like I love pro wrestling and think I want to watch an episode but actually watching it and keeping up with it is exhausting and slightly boring. I suppose the main avoidance is feeling. Feeling is what exhausts me.

I mostly just listen to foreign music like an addict because it's quick, the noise drowns out my thoughts and the voices feel really, really soothing. If I know what they're saying, I get exhausted.. I usually listen while I browse Twitter and forums but can't keep even online friends because I find the commitment to talk and be interesting to someone who might lose interest too mentally draining also. I just want to hop from one thing to the other without going deeper even though my interests never really change and I like the idea of getting lost in a hobby. I wish I could press a pause button on life even though I don't have a life. I want a break but from what? Is this depression? Flakiness? Autism? Post traumatic stress? It's like I'm waiting to complete something from the distant past that I no longer can and I don't even mean that metaphorically. It's like I've got this hunger for something from the distant past to be repaired before I can continue, like I'm frozen in time and too deathly scared to move on until it's repaired. I thought of trying to complete video games and series I never got to finish as a child but I feel stuck to do anything, no matter what the idea is. I figured the ADHD medication would sort this but no. I really have no other ideas how to break out of spending hours a day listening to music and scrolling to disassociate and feeling actual fear about doing anything different. The two therapists I've had got frustrated I didn't do whatever they suggested because I go into that trance of staring at a screen and forget. Is it a good idea to get rid of my computer?

No. 352492

Are you literally me anon? I'm sorry, I don't have any real advice but I relate to every single point
Maybe it's good to start small and kind of regress? Anything's better than a scrooling addiction. I've kinda been thinking about trying to rediscover the things I liked before becoming a depressed husk that used internet to cope (aka when I was a young child)

No. 352554

maybe you can half-ass a bunch of things, like swish mouthwash for 30 seconds instead of brushing your teeth, and scrubbing yourself with a wet towel? hope you feel better in time anon

No. 352651

File: 1697135230896.jpg (42.63 KB, 705x1000, 61t8ycmst6L._AC_UY1000_.jpg)

This might be a fun piece of advice to discuss: what should I pack in my airport survival kit?

The basic rundown is that I'm going to be making semi-regular trips from Ireland to Oklahoma. This means I will need to take an 8 hour flight from Dublin to Chicago, potentially spend between 5 to 14 hours in that airport, take a flight to Oklahoma, and then of course make this trip a second time coming home to Dublin. Tdlr I essentially need to fit 24 hours worth of needs into a backpack separate from my suitcase.

Side information: I'm not particularly big or strong and I struggle with heavy luggage. If you have suggestions for small/light items that can make a big difference I'd be so grateful

No. 352674

Holy shit anon I have the exact same problem and was wondering if ADHD meds would help me. I guess that answers my question. Life just burnt us out at an early age I guess. My only suggestion is to not think about it, just… do stuff. Pick it up and if you're too tired after an hour, that's completely fine as long as you try again the next day. In this overstimulating world it can be difficult to figure out how to spend your time that we just go for the most brainless option even if it's not very rewarding. Maybe it would help if you only use your computer as a tool and delete all of your social media or block certain sites? But of course this depends on your self discipline to keep it up. Don't live with regrets anon. I'm almost 30 and I regret all the time I wasted, simply not doing things and instead scrolling and browsing sites that I ultimately gained nothing from. Any hobby is more fulfilling than doomscrolling, even games. Good luck anon!

No. 352709

24hrs worth of needs doesnt feel like it'd be a lot. i guess i'd say take a thin jacket for layering up with, lotion, toothbrush and paste, hair brush, charger, (empty) water bottle and some trail mix, etc. maybe a book or reading tablet to occupy your time with?

No. 352734

Besides what the other anon suggested, it might be nice to take one of those inflatable pillows and maybe a light blanket if it fits in your backpack. Even if you aren't going to straight up sleep, if you're spending 24 hours in total you might want to make yourself comfortable and wrap yourself up/rest your head at some point.
Also ymmv but bringing a small sketchpad and some stationery along can be a great way to entertain yourself when you want to take a break from reading or digital entertainment. You could also take a couple of tea bags or instant coffee satchels with you, plenty of airports have places where you can get hot water for free so you won't have to spend money on overpriced drinks and it'll take up very little backpack space.

No. 352788

nonas, i need to get my ex back. he left me when i got depressed and went to a psych ward. he says i'm not fit to be a mother and that we're not compatible. he messaged me 3 months after the break up, asking for feet pics. (he's submissive) i scolded him (he probably secretly enjoyed it), but then we chatted with each other for hours and he obviously misses the sex. so i teased him and insinuated i would do fwb. we talked about rules and such and we wanted to meet up tomorrow. but today he told me he's not sure, because he's afraid he might develop feelings again. for me, that's a good sign that i still have a chance to be with him again, as moids fall in love through waiting for sex. you may ask why i want him back. well, he can offer me a stable lifestyle. he's clean and tidy, has a job and can cook. he's also very social, which i'm not. i need such a person in my life. and tbh i enjoyed that he is submissive, because i hate abusive dominant men. thing is, i'm not sure to make him believe i have changed. we're visiting the zoo tomorrow. (he has to take me on dates, one of the rules) tbh i haven't changed much, but i'm taking antidepressants and started going to uni again. please help

No. 352793

anon I' sorry you're going thru all that but he has so many red flags I can't in good conscious give you any tips about that
>random neg about motherliness
>asks for fetish pictures shortly after a break up
>asks for fetish pictures when he KNOWS you were in such a bad state as to go to a psych ward
>provokes you into sexually titillating him
>wants to use you for sex
>you want a relationship with him and so one of the conditions of this fwb you want is DATES
>blatant bait with the "uwu im scawed i might catch feewings for you". classic rutting moid tactic
>you dont even like him that much, you like the qualities you want to have. trait-osmosis isn't a thing, you'll just be wasting your time and getting heartbroken
also submissive men can be abusive too, it doesn't matter what he likes in bed when he's pulling the same sex pest tactics that ~dominant~ ones do

No. 352796

This shit is so lame, move on holy fuck

No. 352807

Agreed >>352796. This guy is only thinking of himself when you need your space to get yourself right. He's manipulating you and has no long term plans for the two of you. Move on to a better guy.

No. 352832

real or fiction is is the question

No. 352860

My boyfriend recently broke up with me when I revealed I had a high body count. He said that it changed the dynamics of our relationship because it made him feel that we had different expectations for what constituted as intimacy and he would rather be comfortable with a girl who was a virgin like him then be with someone like me. He was very sweet about it and we were friends before we started dating so I feel sad that I'll have to give up that part of our relationship for good.

I guess I am looking for advice on how to intelligently react to this sort of information and how do I move forward?
While I do enjoy having sex but I feel somewhat ashamed that I not self-medicated through sexual intercourse, I could've had a wonderful relationship with this guy. He's a good person and still very polite and generous with his time but I don't know what to do now because I still have feelings for him and I don't feel like his reasons for breaking up with me were all that superficial but I still feel a little hurt.

No. 352861

>He was very sweet about it
I can totally imagine him being so sweet telling you're basically a filthy whore for his puritanical standards.
>how do I move forward
communicate your body count immediately when you start dating and remove yourself if there are any red flags. if they say anything like your ex said, calmly remove yourself out of the relationship because this moid will never forget about it and is probably obsessed with the idea. also most likely he consumes redpilled content and that's where he got the idea of body count being a terrible thing to begin with. normal men don't expect you to save yourself for the perfect person, because that's retarded and delusional.

No. 352863

Under normal circumstances this wouldn't have even been a question but it's different now. I've dated my fair share of men and the more experience you have, the better you get to know them. They'll lie about not watching porn, they'll ogle other women, they'll have secret Instagrams, tik toks and twitter accounts to simp for e-whores, they skimp on all the chores and they'll gaslight you into thinking its you whose the problem and they deserve all the hatred and the pain they get. I know this and I hate it. I resent myself for being a heterosexual and if I had the choice, I'd die a asexual spinster. But this little shit actually is different. We started off as acquaintances and I was a little suspicious of his 'pick-me' tendencies because it felt like he was consciously modelling himself to be the perfect friend but even after all that work I put in, observing him, asking around, I couldn't find anything negative or incendiary about him. He didn't consume anything from the manosphere, no PUA content, none of those misogynistic rant channels, nothing. He and I were friends with the same people and among them he had a reputation for being a reserved but reliable and compassionate individual. Hell there were even times where he helped me out, without even hoping for a recompensation.

That's the reason for why I am so frustrated. If he consumed anything problematic I would've had a legitimate reason to detest him but I don't. I just don't know what to feel except be sad. I know nonas will hate me for this and they're absolutely right to do so but I genuinely don't think he's as bad as the rest.

No. 352866

>I resent myself for being a heterosexual and if I had the choice, I'd die a asexual spinster.
Same anon. It's terribly slim pickings for straight women who don't tolerate porn watching partners and then they've still got to be decent and you've still got to match in so many other ways.

I can understand not hating your ex for having that opinion since he at least has hold himself to the same standard.

No. 352868

Did you ever have sex with him? If you did he’s being a hypocrite and you dodged a bullet. If you didn’t then I guess that’s just really important to him, which is unusual (its also gross to want a virgin, sorry, I can’t get past that) and he should have told you sooner if he cared. Either way sounds like an incompatible situation, even if you think he’s a nice guy you shouldn’t be with someone who changes their whole opinion of you and the relationship based on how many people you had sex with in the past that’s kinda fucked.
> it made him feel that we had different expectations for what constituted as intimacy
But is that even true? I feel like this guy got in your head and decided what you thought. Just because he is/was a virgin doesn’t make him more pure and loving than you. Don’t listen to what he has to say about sex, he doesn’t understand. You have more experience than him in this area and it’s your life not for him to judge.
maybe you can just say “ok if that’s what you really think” and then keep tabs on him until he goes through a hoe phase himself then scoop him back up lol

No. 352869

Samefag: I’m just kidding with the spoiler at the end don’t do that it’s unhealthy.
I had a boyfriend like this and I thought his way of thinking was fucked but he knew I had sex with multiple people before him unlike his first virgin girlfriend. We didn’t break up over it, I just told him that he was being stupid and let him say all his retarded beliefs and went “hmm” and he got over it surprise surprise. Then later I reminded him of the worst things he said and he denied it and looked alarmed I remembered which I thought was funny. I know that doesn’t sound healthy either but whatever, he never got in my head about it and I never felt ashamed so it didn’t bother me. People are idiots.

No. 352876

Exactly. If they're virgins its not by choice and they'll probably resent you for enjoying yourself even when you commit yourself a 100% to them. They have all these theories about approaching women but not one of them has sought to correct his manners and ideology so it hurts a lot when you finally do get to meet someone you can respect and consider an equal only for them to do something like this.

>Did you ever have sex with him?
No we didn't have sex. We spent most of our time talking, enjoying each other's company but we did kiss and hug a little and he was fine with that.

>(its also gross to want a virgin, sorry, I can’t get past that)

I don't want a virgin haha, I actually didn't know he was one by the way he carried himself and how he looked. I was under the impression that he had a range of experiences under his belt but I guess I was wrong

>he should have told you sooner if he cared

In hindsight that's the proper way to approach something like this. At least then I wouldn't have wasted time committing to a relationship

>you shouldn’t be with someone who changes their whole opinion of you and the relationship based on how many people you had sex with in the past that’s kinda fucked

Is it though? I am not trying to be argumentative. 99.9% of males don't deserve to receive that sort of compassion but if someone with his qualities has committed himself to an ideal like this I don't know if I can consider that an entirely bad thing. Of course its terrible for us because well, he doesn't think what I have to offer is valuable but in general I can't really make an informative comment.

>I feel like this guy got in your head and decided what you thought. Just because he is/was a virgin doesn’t make him more pure and loving than you

You've hit the nail on the head. This is the thing thats fucking me up the most. If he called me a whore or a slut or someone who liked putting out, I would've been fine with that because those sorts of labels show just how he sees women and relationships in general. However by framing this as me bringing a sort of enfeebled affection to the relationship, he's able to get into my head. Basically it reads to me as someone saying that they were loyal to their ideals whereas I 'settled'. I HATE feeling like this and I hate that this stupid comment has power over me but because I respect his intelligence ruminating about this only makes me feel worse. If we met at a bar (I don't go to bars or clubs) or if he was some rando I decided to have sex with (which I also don't condone) I would've understood because he's a dumb scrote being used as a toy but we built up a rapport before committing so there's a part of me that isn't willing to acknowledge that he could be wrong.

>I’m just kidding with the spoiler at the end don’t do that it’s unhealthy

Yeah I knew, good one nona!

>Then later I reminded him of the worst things he said and he denied it and looked alarmed I remembered which I thought was funny

Of course he thought you forgot. That's what they all think, that they've pulled the wool over our eyes, as if anybody could ever forget a comment like this. Amazing really, how they're all the same.

>People are idiots

I know and I feel like the biggest one.

No. 352888

>I don't want a virgin haha
I didn't mean you, I meant him! It's gross of him to want a virgin. Like, best case scenario he's just insecure about his experience? but he sounds like he actually believes stupid bullshit about virginity.
>Is it though?
It is.

No. 352896

Haha my bad, feeling a little ditzy today. Honestly nona I think I understand. Sex changes the relationship, makes it a little more intimate because you've established a physical bond. You've seen each other naked, you've seen them at their most vulnerable, their flaws are laid bare in front of you. To hold someone, to feel their touch and kiss them and to be kissed, desired and loved. I understand where he's coming from.
Why do you think it's weird for a virgin to want a virgin though? I think it's normal.

No. 352898

Just doesn’t make sense to me. What does he think he’s getting out of that that’s worth breaking up with someone he cared about? In general, a man wanting a virgin under any circumstance is a red flag because it indicates he thinks there’s something special about virginity.

No. 352899

I suppose he was a victim of SA and wasn't intent making me feel uncomfortable in case he under performed or if intercourse brought upon some traumatic memories.

No. 352900

Nta but dunno it makes sense to me that a virgin would want to have sex with another virgin to avoid embarassment about first-time performance at least.

No. 352901

Um, i think the guy is kinda right? virgins and sexually active people have different experience levels, like >>352900 said it could be hella embarrassing i know i would feel the same, as a virgin myself, i would feel strange with a person with far more experience than me. Plus, as far as i'm concerned he wasn't even rude about it, he simply said it wouldn't work

No. 352903

That pretty pertinent information to leave out of the original post, nona. I was worried about you getting put down and broken up with for not being a virgin. There’s not really anything for you to do here except accept the breakup and wish him well, sounds like he has a lot going on.

No. 352905

That's just speculation on my part. I don't know if he actually got assaulted, just looking for a probable cause. Sorry for not being clear.

No. 352911

Oh my god. Okay. You’re reaching way too hard for a reason. He broke up with you for not being a virgin, whatever the possible underlying reason it’s over now. Wish you didn’t let it get to you this much, clearly you liked him. Sorry he wasted your time, hope the dates are a nice memory.
> advice on how to intelligently react to this sort of information and how do I move forward?
Take his words at face value as what HE feels and don’t take it as a personal criticism on you. This is a him issue. He ended the relationship before it got sexual because of his own opinions/beliefs/whatever. Close the chapter in your life on this, this is how it ended, it only takes one person to break up. As for moving on there’s specific advice in the Breakups thread >>>/g/121656

No. 352922

IMO his reason was perfectly valid. He didn't feel comfortable, that's it. He didn't call you a street walker, he didn't say it was gross, he just didn't feel comfortable. I'm a woman and I would also dump a guy with a high body count because I don't think I'd ever be able to be okay with it. I want to be with someone who I can relate to and feel equal to. I don't think that's a bad or unreasonable thing.

No. 352960

nonas, i appreciate the concern, but we've had our zoo date today and he payed for everything (tickets and food) and was very sweet to me. he really wants me to sleep with him again, but i obviously won't. i know this could go very wrong, but i want to see if he develops feelings for me again. afterall, he's just a moid and they tend to develop feelings while hoping for sex. i definitely got him riled up when i just went for a brief make out session with him, then immediately retreated. i enjoyed our date a lot, as i said he's putting in a lot of effort and i dropped hints that i'm much healthier and productive now. i'll update you all

No. 352962

you are not playing him, he's playing you while you're wasting your time and energy by folling yourself into playing him. what are you gunna do if he "catches feelings"? dump him? bc if you were gunna dump him you wouldn't have even replied when he asked you for foot pics. this is a lot of self-assurance on display for someone who ended her original post with "help me"

No. 352965

why would i dump him? i want this man in my life. if he develops feelings again, i would obviously date him. and no, he's not playing me. i'm literally in control, because he wants something from me only i can give him? i mean, this is power play. i was the weak one, but he gave me an opportunity to change that and i took it. i already lost him, so i don't have anything to lose. clearly, i'm a bpdchan, but i'm not stupid. as i said, i'll update and maybe i'll be heartbroken again, but well that has happened many times before, so idc anymore. the benefits outweigh the cost atm

No. 352966

God speed, bpd-chan. No need to update us further.

No. 352976

How do I find like-minded radical feminist women in my area without having to test the waters and risk getting verbally abused by liberal feminists?

No. 352978

let me know when you figure it out

No. 352981

Try looking at national radfem organisations like WOLF. They must have ways to help people like you get involved and get connected with others since that's the whole point of activism. I think it's worth looking into even if you don't want to be an activist. You will still meet like minded women, and if they're sane and worthy of your friendship, they will understand your point of view without pressuring you to do something you don't want. Or maybe you'll get further radicalised kek. Life's a gamble innit?

No. 353213

File: 1697418331088.jpg (17.79 KB, 275x155, 1648516636299.jpg)

hi nonnies I'm at a loss. so, I've not felt great in many ways for years, but I've been off lately. Bad headache, delirium, extreme fatigue, on/off high fevers (102), and a feeling that…resembles sickliness but also feels distant that's very localized to my head? my doctor actually surprise diagnosed me with a sinus infection during my last visit which was a surprise because it feels nothing like the ones I had years ago (nose on fire, stuffy, runny; now it feels like nothing), but didn't do anything about it. I've now felt like this for over a month now and I'm not sure what to do because obviously my doctor is no help. also I do have allergies but I don't know why they'd suddenly get much worse.

No. 353214

oh and probably unrelated but I used to constantly get ill when I was young - like, every 2 months - and I haven't had a regular flu/cold in about 3 years. bodies are fucking weird.

No. 353222

I don’t know that sounds awful. I would try to eat some really spicy food and drink a lot of water and rest (get a doctors note for work or school if you need it)

No. 353238

Get mold testing done in your home

No. 353243

1. can't afford it (nor can I move out) and 2. there is black mold that likes to appear on my window that I cleaned up and at the time I wasn't feeling like this at all. maybe it still is there even though it's invisible or something.

No. 353339

If you rent, you need to inform your landlord. It's their responsibility to make sure your environment is safe and clean.

No. 353497

My close friend just sent a suicide message via video on our groupchat. My other friend identified the place she sent it from and the police are already looking for her, but we don't know if she's been found yet. Or if her body was found.
Have any nonas here been in a situation like this? How do you deal with something like that?

No. 353504

Oh fuck nonna you probably do have black mold poisoning. get out asap, I’m not joking.

No. 353513

It's terror, Nona, the fear of not knowing, of wanting to protect her but feeling powerless. Assuming she's passed on, you and all of her friends will grieve her. You'll need to rely on each other and on your family and community for support. No matter the outcome of her attempt, try learning about suicide and why people do it. There are many documentaries and YouTube videos about this. And if she's alive, God willing, you will have the opportunity to ask her yourself.
This is a traumatic event you're experiencing, and the road going forward is a difficult but survivable one. In time you will be fine. Keep your head up, and always, always remember how much you love her.

No. 353535

Can I wear a face veil/head covering if I’m not religious? I just hate how I look and don’t want my ugly to be perceived. Niqab are the ones I really like because all that’s visible are eyes, but I don’t know if it would be insensitive

No. 353538

People might assume you’re Muslim. It’s not a religious crime or anything though, if you wanna try it go ahead. Some countries banned full face coverings like that, it’s illegal, make sure you don’t live one of those places.

No. 353540

giving into your insecurities is not going to be good for you in the long run so i don't think you should start. but no, i don't believe it's a big deal to do so. only problem is it might lead to you being stared at or possibly harassed in the future so be wary.

No. 353545

muslim women might see you as one of them and show solidarity, approach you, etc.

No. 353553

File: 1697610806437.jpg (49.92 KB, 564x711, tumblr_de5a9c080ff79c0c0c7d927…)

My best friend is poorfag and trying to move out from her crazy mom's house. I've been willing to throw a few hundred $ at her every now and then and it's not a big deal for me since I'm pretty fortunate, but tbh I don't really feel comfortable with this anymore.
She's had this sort of entitled attitude, like telling (not asking) me to give x amount each month and being kinda impatient if I forget, and not really being appreciative? Like she just mutters thanks and moves on. I'm not trying to hold debts against her or expecting grand displays of gratitude or anything but it does feel a bit crappy that she acts like it's just expected and mundane.
Also we have tiny little "disputes" over nothingburgers sometimes, maybe it's my fault or maybe it's hers, it's not a big deal but it doesn't feel good forking over money under this kind of vibe. This part's hard to describe in brief.
I dunno, should I tell her that I want to stop? I feel bad because that money is huge to her and barely anything to me. But it's less about the money and more about feeling like she's treating me like an ATM. What should I say?

No. 353556

Reacting to a kind gift of money from a friend with anything but emphatic gratitude and appreciation is INSANE. Not only should you not give her money, you should reconsider the friendship. It's actually unfathomable to be so entitled unless you literally hate that person. Are you sure she doesn't bitterly resent you for having money and hate you behind your back?

No. 353563

I've known her since I was a kid so we're pretty good friends. But she's sort of weird in that… usually when we hang out in person she is so warm and loving and considerate, yet most of the time when I talk to her in a call or in texts she's suddenly like a jaded bitter person. I don't really get it. I feel like she just gets into these zones where she's insensitive, maybe I will try to talk to her about it.
She's made rude wealth-related comments about me before but I've always brushed it off because she's not the only person who has and they were one-off things. I try to be understanding about that kind of remark because I know money is a sensitive topic for many people.

No. 353565

Time to hold back the money and see if you've still got a friend once she realizes you're no longer a source of money. Don't let yourself be used anon.

No. 353585

Nta but I agree with above nonnas, it sounds like she secretly resents you for your wealth and the fact that she is depending on you. You didn't do anything wrong by trying to help, on the contrary it's an incredibly significant thing that you're willing to help her like this, but some people have complexes about accepting help (even when they do do begrudgingly). I'd also say stop doing it and see how she reacts. Most likely she will blow up at you and her real feelings will come out, more effective than trying to talk to her while still giving her money. If your friendship is real it will survive this confrontation.

No. 353586

thanks nonas, i'll be honest and say that i want to stop next time we talk.

No. 353606

Just wanted to say anon that if you're worried how to phrase it, you can say you want to start saving for a house or something big and need to cut down on expenses. She might be annoyed but she can't fault you for wanting to save towards your future.

No. 353646

a mask might help w your insecurity without the religious implications. i hope you feel better about your face anon

No. 353647

same anon. like a covid mask that comes in paper or plain fabric

No. 353651

two of my classmates giggled amongst themselves after i presented today. i can usually convince myself that it probably isn't about me, except my friend caught them doing that too. i'm surprised to see this happening in college, and even more shocked to know the main perpetrator is 27. how do i either deal with this? or cope with this? i'm getting tired of this treatment.

No. 353654

Need more context. If there is no more context then just ignore.

No. 353658

Who gives a fuck? Do you have to work with them or can you just ignore them?

No. 353711

this is not the first time i catch them giggling like high schoolers after i either speak in class or present. i try to chalk it up to it being a coincidence until today when i got confirmation from a friend that they are behaving that way.
after our presentation, she caught them both giggling and nudging each other like "go ahead, ask questions" so she spoke up and said "any questions, [name]" to which they both shut up

No. 353723

giggle louder when they present

No. 353727

It's tough to do anything about that because they have a LOT of room for plausible deniability. I'm frankly not sure if there's anything you can do if you're not willing to confront them directly and stand your ground (which is difficult for the same reason)

No. 353801

he just paid a pedicure for me and saturday we're visiting an aquarium together. he told me had wished for us to be together again and is scared he'll get addicted to me. i know he's a foot fetishist and absolutely unhinged, but i like where this is going. he's showing signs of wanting to be a paypig, so even if it doesn't work out between us, at least i'll be able to spend his money

No. 353803

kek I support it, be safe tho

No. 353810

File: 1697745305778.jpg (143.79 KB, 800x450, ourexpectations.jpg)

This might sound fucking stupid but do any nonnas have experience working with zoomers?

My industry went pretty sideways over the pandemic, I freelanced for a few years, but decided to go back to school and change careers now that I have downtime. The program I'm in is great for me, but the younger students in it are nightmares. I went in pretty naive thinking making friends would be beneficial since a lot of us are older, but the same group of kids has actively gone out of their way to trash each other, myself, my acquaintances, and everyone else around them, including professors. The issue finally made it all the way up administration since they went after a professor.
Normally I'd take "lmao ignore it" as the go-to, but from an administrative standpoint there's a lot of weird threats that not being "likable" is going to ruin job prospects. From experience, I know that's a load of shit unless it's losing people money. Seems there's a huge push for performative niceness and social media clout instead of actually doing the work. Tons of classes got dumbed down no thanks to complaints. Should I even try to socialize? I'm sick of the utterly petty drama, but I'm worried that keeping to myself is just going to lead to the same fucks reporting me for some made-up nonsense.

It's a fucking tech field.

I know this is late, but this is kinda what I'm trying to fix now. Only problem with going back to school and certain jobs is they know if you're more experienced, you might be a flight risk. You don't "need" them. The last office job I had was one I quit due to horrendous management and bad environment, and I beat myself up for it for years, even though they were hemorrhaging money with or without me. Best advice I have is to keep yourself busy however you can.

No. 353826

nonny I will just let you know the moment you put out and you become his gf again all this pampering will end and he will become the dipshit scrote he was before. I hope you're aware of it and ready to end it once the honeymoon phase ends.

No. 353956

I (>>352860) know I am a little late but I'd like to thank all the nonas for their advice. I am feeling a lot better now. It was a minor setback but I am glad I got over it.

No. 353966

I'd be distant but polite, and if you have the bad luck of being forced to interact with them explain that you don't want to spend time with them because you're uncomfortable spending so much time around people who are so much younger than you. Zoomers think that a year is a wide enough age gap to make pedo accusations so you should be OK. Throw in some internet terms as well, mention you have some sort of disability even if you don't, throw in some gender if they start shit, and you should be OK.

No. 353982

Based nonnas, if you could help me out with this very convoluted situation, I’d appreciate it. I’m nervous about telling people IRL and don’t think Preddit is going to be of much help. Saged because this is so long — I’m sorry, I’ve just been freaking out.

> Choose Dr. Anon for a high-level English course due to outstanding RateMyProfessor reviews and word-of-mouth compliments

> Starts out great — he’s funny, knowledgeable, and the class material is interesting
> Midterms come
> It is no longer great
> It starts with him asking me to stay after class; the first time, it was to say I did great on his exam which I appreciated, but he starts packing on compliments to the point of it being strange
> He continues asking me to stay after class only to talk about his personal life and ask about mine. He’s mentioned his divorce, the size of his house, his hobbies, and concerts he’s going to (one of which was one of my favorite artists, though I don't think he knew/knows, but he offered a free ticket to me)
> I get a C on a paper that I thought I did super well on, so he had me stay after class and said if I wanted help, we could meet up for coffee. When I say I’m too busy during the day, he says he’s available after hours and gives me what is presumably his personal phone number
> In class, he makes jokes that are really embarrassing to me and only me. I mention I'm on a pre-law track and to that, he jokes in front of our class that "women [in law school] have it easy, just wear something short". I exclusively wear dresses and skirts below my knees, so I feel that it’s a targeted comment. Additionally, I'm in a sorority, and he proceeds to ask if I "party with boys" or if I'm "good" while I’m wearing my sorority letters. Both times, the class goes awkwardly silent after a few chuckles and everyone looks at me
> For academics, he gives me A's even on papers that I know aren’t my best work (even though I try my hardest); I’ve gotten all A’s save for that one C, when I definitely deserved some B’s or C’s because of how rigorous the course it
> When I've been walking to class or skating on campus, he'll stop me to talk to me, which has happened about six times
> Once, I’m at a coffee shop with my friend (let’s call him Joe). Dr. Anonymous pulls out a chair to sit next to me at a two-person table, talking about weird personal stuff like he always does, until Joe comes back and Dr. Anonymous awkwardly leaves
> While he's had no issues talking to me in front of other women, he leaves me alone when Joe comes over, who has more muscle/bulk than him. This is what really starts making me think it is sex-based

It's been making me dread going to class, dread walking around campus, and it’s been affecting my personal relationships with my peers in the section. Several are spreading rumors that I’m sleeping with Dr. Anonymous, and others invite me to their study dates because they think he gives me exam answers (one of my friends, “Anne”, is friends with a peer in the course, “Mary”, and Anna told me that Mary said that’s the reason I’ve been invited so much). My dilemma is that this is purely emotional/mental. He has never touched me sans quick pats on the shoulder and hasn't said anything outwardly malicious. I don't want to ruin his career if I’m overreacting, but it's been stressing me out and causing me to think of transferring because I think he’s going to keep trying to talk to me when I’m done with the class. Even if I'm not overreacting, I feel like people won't believe me because of how well-loved on campus he is. Whenever I’ve mentioned that I think he’s weird, everyone goes “ohmergurshwhy he’s so niceee and funnie!!!” and that’s making me feel like it’s all in my head. Nonnas, what do you think? Is this a Title IX situation? Any advice generally? Thank you ♥

No. 354003

Nonna, you’re not overreacting. As someone a little older than you, this is textbook like authority figure version love bombing type shit. He’s really, really trying to coerce you (I know that’s a strong word but whatever) into something romantic/sexual. It’s disturbing. I’m sorry this is happening to you, especially because men in positions of authority tend to punish women when they lay a boundary about this type of thing. He is being a class A creep and I hope you transfer out of his class. Spend time with friends who deter him, like your “Joe”. Ugh this guy sounds so sleazy and gross.

No. 354004

Same anon, rereading your post, there are glaring red flags as to his inappropriate behavior. The weird trying to embarrass you/be weirdly sexual about you in front of the class really gives me mega ick

No. 354019

No matter how close I am with my friends, I feel so awkward. I am not a big talker and I usually feel really socially awkward. Every time I go to my boyfriend's apartment, I just dick around on my laptop bc if I don't I'll just sit there. It always feels like I'm listening to a podcast when I'm with him and his friend and his gf. I don't know how to not feel like this. The other girlfriend is friends with me but I still feel so fucking awkward and I never talk to them. They seem to not really care about including me in the conversation either. Whenever I'm there and the other girlfriend isn't there, the boys just talk to each other the ENTIRE time about things I can't participate in (music, music theory, shit like that). Idk what to do

No. 354040

holy shit nonna. report his ass to the dean IMMEDIATELY like I’m so surprised that you have been able to stay quiet for so long. That is 100% NOT normal professor behavior.

No. 354048

report him!!!!!!!!! write a list of all the incidents you can remember and their dates/times/general times of day. if there are any texts from classmates or your sleezeball creep prof then screenshot them and back them up somewhere for good measure.
good luck anon, none of it was, is, or will ever be your fault.

No. 354049

Even if the rest of this wasn't creepy as hell, you could get him on
>women [in law school] have it easy, just wear something short
alone. Take him down. i'm sure you're not the first person he's done this to.

No. 354059

No, you’ll attract a lot of negative attention to yourself and if you cannot leave the house without wanting to hide and cover your entire body from head to toe then you need some therapy for your mental health issues. If you really need to just wear a covid mask, but this is a serious self esteem issue by the sounds of it

No. 354061

I have a bf who is kind, loving, stable etc but the problem is I’m not physically attracted to him at all. I was attracted to him at one point but we’ve been together 3 years now and my already weakish attraction to him just kind of fizzled out completely in the last 6 months or so. Its gotten so bad I feel like I’m being raped when we have sex, even though he would never want to have me. That’s just how unattracted I am to him.

Problem is I’ve realized I’m kind of madly in love with another man who I work with and have grown very close to in the last 2-3 months. I feel incredibly attracted to him, he is extremely amusing and charming, and he does some things for me which I find sweet, even if they’re just small gestures (like remembering to buy me a coffee when he gets one for himself) The other problem is he can’t give me anything my bf gives me because he’s pretty broke, admits he never wants a relationship again (his ex broke his heart and he’s still not over her) he’s a commitment phobe as a result etc.

Basically he flirts with me constantly but told me not to get involved with him because he isn’t ready to love anyone else again anytime soon. I feel like I get emotionally hit and quit by this man every time we interact and he knows how to make me want him more while also making himself unattainable to me, probably narcissistic tendencies or whatever.

I feel so stuck because I’m in a loveless relationship with a great guy, while also being in love with a guy who toys with my emotions and attraction constantly. So I have nowhere to move. I know the right thing to do would be to break up with my boyfriend until I’ve decided what to do next, but we’re caught in a very codependent situation atm where I’m basically his only support network and he’s also mine, and I don’t know if I can even support myself financially without his help. I don’t know what to do nonas. This feels like a complete stalemate and I’m miserable.

No. 354062

Never want to hurt me* sorry typo

No. 354063

Also to add, I know the other right thing to do would be just to focus on getting over this guy at work, but my brain does this annoying fucked thing where it completely obsesses over someone for years whenever I get a crush. I’ve done everything I can to put myself off him and focus on other hobbies and people, but I can never get him out of my head (Ive felt this way twice before for two other men, each crush or intense oneitis phase lasted like 3 years minimum and it disrupted my mental health a lot, and now the exact same thing is happening with my brain for this guy too, which means I’m gonna be thinking about him daily for the next couple years too. So annoying.

No. 354064

Bitchy girls will laugh at you in life nona for no reason other than they want to make someone else feel bad about themselves, you just need to get over it, pull up your big girl panties and ignore them.

No. 354067

Dump your bf and stay away from the other guy. Don't look for excuses to stay in your relationship just because it would be easier, and don't look for excuses to pursue this new guy- you know it's a bad idea, no further advice necessary. Just be single until you meet someone who ticks all your boxes.

No. 354100

>and I don’t know if I can even support myself financially without his help.
There's your first step to get out of this stalemate. Calculate your monthly income and spendings and figure out if you can support yourself on your own, assuming you meant the "I don't know" literally. If you can't support yourself there's your next step to work on. Don't be idle, take action.

And >>354067 is right, stay away from the guy at work. He sounds like trouble. You're obviously in an unsatisfying relationship you need to get out of, but don't be blinded by a new and exciting crush either.

No. 354116

fuck both of the guys, leave the bf and get over your crush. decenter men and relationships from your life. cultivate female friendships.

No. 354182

File: 1697935150085.jpg (41.67 KB, 612x500, 440zvf.jpg)

I hate men and I think that's probably bad. The only man I don't hate is my husband and that's because he's been actively working on not being a total piece of garbage and it took me years to fully get over myself and trust him. I hate all my male co-workers and it's difficult for me to take their opinions on anything seriously. I can't enjoy male lead movies, podcasts, books etc.

My question is, how do I get over this? Being distrustful of men makes sense, but the level of vitriol I feel towards men doesn't feel normal.

How do you all work and function around men? How do I stop hating them? I don't want any male friends but I would like to listen to their opinions without feeling my skin crawl.

Mods please don't ban me, I'm trying to stop being a manhater.

No. 354184

No. 354187

No. 354188

You’re fine this is fine. Honestly don’t know what advice to give you….the only man who I like online is Vincent Bevins but that’s just because he sticks to what he knows and is sort of a real journalist, and I used to like some other men but not so much… I guess I like John Carpenters movies? lol but honestly what’s to like from men? just watch/read/listen to stuff by women it’s fine.

No. 354192

Men feel the same about women but with the added bonus of horrific sexual and violent impulses, why should you stop when they never have and never will?

I do get wanting to be neutral about those around you, especially if you work with them. Sounds more like you need to cultivate some calm and inner peace rather than start respecting their opinions, as long as you don't get too worked up about moids it's ok to not take them seriously.

No. 354193

Can you try to take your coworker's opinions as a "stopped clock is right twice a day" kind of thing? Just suspend disbelief for however long it takes him to talk, practise active listening so you don't get lost thinking about how much you hate him. Afterwards you can decide if his input has any value with a more informed opinion. When you feel yourself boiling with rage, take deep breaths to steady yourself, you can look up specific exercises online. Excuse yourself if you have to, with the express purpose of calming down and returning to the situation with a more stable presence.
As for male created or centered media idk what to tell you since most of it sucks. Personally I don't even bother unless the thing is really popular and many, many people attest to its quality. Do you want to seek it out on your own? Are your loved ones exposing you to it? Knowing your motivations here helps. The coworker thing was more straightforward.
I think your rightful outrage at the havoc men wreak upon our world and innocent lives has turned into a toxic kind of anger. Maybe I'm misunderstanding you or overestimating its effect on your life, but anger and hatred at this scale mainly damage the one who holds it. Unlike moids you're not externalising your rage through rape, murder, and arson, so it just festers inside. You can let it go and feel your soul get lighter.
This doesn't mean you should love men or trust them, but for my own sanity I always strive for indifference. Otherwise I find myself getting preoccupied with negativity rather than enjoying my life. You can also channel the energy into more productive, life-affirming things like uplifting the voices of your female colleagues, or… idk kickboxing. The world is your oyster.

No. 354194

ayart Thanks! I don't get too worked up by it, I just feel a bit guilty about it. Like how you said that men do the same thing, thinking I had anything in common with sexists really bothered me. You're right though, I don't do any of the awful things that men do, and I don't even really speak my true feelings outside of this site.

I got worried about it because an acquaintance recommended a male-hosted podcast to me and I was like "oh I only listen to women-hosted podcasts" and she told me I had some internalized misogyny to work out. When I asked and admitted my feelings to my therapist she told me my thoughts were not normal and that my thought process is just an unhealthy response to the world i live in / just as bad as men who hate women. She is older and has said some other sus things, so I think its time to find a new one. Thanks everyone for the thoughts. Glad I'm not alone.

No. 354198

no one will ban you on here for being a manhater lol. anyway, i hate all men except my dad and that’s because he has done so much for me. i hate all other men because they are all annoying and have not done anything for me. i just use them for sex and/or validation. i don’t think i am capable of truly caring for a moid unless we are closely related by blood, so unless i have a son, i will never give a fuck about any men aside from surface level like ever. so you are not wrong about hating men, it’s only natural. just keep it inside you so you don’t get cancelled by normies.

No. 354202

ayrt. Sorry for the double reply, I saw this as I posted my other response.

Thanks that's really helpful! I'm very lucky that in my new workplace both my director and supervisor are women and I only work with a few men. My old workplace was a very typical sexist tech job and that's where a lot of my resentment comes from. I don't externalize it at all outside of just not having male friends outside my husband, him and I have a good relationship and he really tries to not be annoying.

I think I was overestimating my own hatred based on what my therapist/acquaintance said - so thanks! I'll def try out some kind of stress-relieving workout, right now I just do HIT but something like kick-boxing sounds fun.


didn't they used to ban pink-pill threads?

No. 354215

It’s normal to hate men. But it’s not healthy to let hate consume you. I hate men but I try not to think about them and avoid interacting with them as much as possible on a day to day basis. Make your life about yourself and forming relationships and connections with other women and in your community. Don’t let hating men become your core identity because they simply aren’t worth your mental energy or peace.

No. 354228

Letting normies on the internet really was a mistake, influencer and internet beauty culture ruined everything. Everything feels so fake and disgusting and I hate how it bleeds over into real life. YouTube is dead too. I’m so tired of getting recommendations from some sleazy sexpats travel vlog channel, some retarded sigma pilled JBP clip compilation, or some obnoxious gym whore’s what I eat in a day videos.(wrong thread)

No. 354238

>Letting normies on the internet really was a mistake, influencer and internet beauty culture ruined everything.
this. I really do not like this timeline we're in. how long until it's over?

No. 354331

I feel like it’s just gonna get worse tbh. Until maybe it reaches breaking point and even the collective get sick of it. I’m glad some female youtubers are calling out the garbage culture young girls are being made to live in through social media but their voices still get drowned out by the sea of libfems and it feels like most commentators are too afraid to fully condemn anything in case some women who find plastic surgery, being treated as sex dolls and narcissism ‘empowering’ start a backlash. Everyone is too scared to call out this garbage and really condemn it meaningfully. Zoomers are just hopelessly addicted to tiktok and ig.

No. 354333

It won't change until the internet or just social media becomes defunct because we're using some newer tech.

No. 354339

I wonder what it will be like in 20 years. Kinda scary, I feel like Gattaca is closer to becoming reality.

No. 354340

Maybe it will reach a point where images are so edited and AI generated that people will stop bothering to compete anymore because everyone knows everyone else is AI generated anyway and the prettiness peak reaches its maximum level to the point it can’t get higher. Then maybe showing unique features or traits that cannot really be replicated with AI or tech becomes trendy.

No. 354360

I always think about that YA book series Uglies/Pretties etc. I know they’re making a movie of it but I think we’re kind of living it in a weird way. Everyone getting filler and even surgery, some people super super young, to make themselves a level of unrealistic (Madison Beer types for example) and normal regular people—even uniquely beautiful people—don’t fit the standard mold anymore of what is considered peak pretty. The more unreal everyone around you looks, the more you’re conditioned to find normal to be hideous. I’m gonna reread those books soon to see how wild it feels in today year.

No. 354408

I need advice. I agreed to look into being a roommate with this girl but as we and some friends were driving home, I learned that she wanted to go by he/him pronouns but was 'pushed back into the closet" and just had these very extreme ideas about how to conduct your life so you're not a colonizer transphobe. I don't know if I want to be around that. I used to have friends like that but it's exhausting when they can't look at anything from a lens besides "how does this aid the communist world saving struggle". No choice can be made without bringing up how something you're interested in is rooted in this and that. Also they're going through heavy mental stuff. Should I go through with my initial plan

No. 354416

Back out unless you really need to for financial reasons. Folks like this usually suck as roommates because they spend all of their time browsing the Internet instead of cleaning up their shit + not to mention all of the stuff you buy that goes against her ideals. Not to mention these people also usually suck at holding down employment because they can't function at work properly.

No. 354420

Sounds like trouble in the making.

No. 354448

Hope it’s a bubbly revisit

No. 354449

File: 1698052324346.jpg (591.58 KB, 1080x796, 20230213_174945.jpg)

How to turn envy and comparing yourself to others into inspiration?

I struggle a lot with comparing my self to other females who I find attractive and whose aestethic I adore. It'd be easier if I could accept how I am and appreciate my own good qualities appearance-wise but it is hard.

No. 354473

Sounds like you feel unattractive and/or don't have the features you like. I'm gonna tell you that if you're a woman (i mean a real woman, not a troon), there will always be some things you or other people will find "undesirable" about you, and honestly, imo male attraction to women is based more about conformity than personality or even outer beauty. For example, Amber Heard would be considered extremely attractive by most standards, but after her case with Depp, men have been calling her mid and ugly, because she dared to speak out against her abuser. Also, If Heard so much as dared not to shave and grow out her natural body hair on her legs, armpits or pubic area, men would also find that extremely unattractive, because she isn't bowing down to male standards and isn't appealing to male desires. So if I were to give you adivce that I think really applies here, forget the appearance stuff and focus on things that you can do instead of look like - take up a hobby, study hard, go travel, meet new people, develop your personality. Also, look into radfem lit related to beauty. That's truly the ticket to forgetting this appearance-related sadness.
But if you want to truly change how you look, I can't convince you that it isnt important to you.
There are only two camps of things in your appearance - things you can change (clothes, fat %, muscle tone, posture, attitude) and things you cannot (body fat distribution, bone/body structure, facial features (unless you want to get PS, which im not gonna advise for), skin tone and color, etc).
There are many ways to approach these two camps, you can make a "like/dont like/can change/cant change" chart and act accordingly towards it, but that wont address your underlying problem.
Your first step should be accepting yourself. When you accept yourself you have a much better idea of what its possible for you to look like. When I was anorexic, I desperately wanted to be thin and androgynous looking. I was aiming for a standard that simply was not ever possible for me to achieve, because my bone structure is wide and curvy, and im very fleshy. So I aim just to be the best-looking me I can be. I think it would help you to know what body or facial features you have that aren't dependent on weight for how they look (i.e. you might have visibly high cheekbones even when you gain weight) and try to accept those. For me, it was reading about and watching films of Marilyn Monroe, Liz Taylor, Susan Sarandon and other women with my body type. Might sound stupid, but it worked and I like my body now.
After you feel like you accept your looks, its time for you to develop your own desired traits. This could be clothing style or even body features - you can change your silouette with enough muscle training or just clothing. What do you like about the features of the women you're envious of? What do you admire about them? What can you do to be more like them in those aspects? Half, if not more of the work here will be done AFTER YOU START ACCEPTING YOURSELF, because jealousy is only really possible when you feel like something others have is unattainable, or that your position is inherently worse than theirs (as in, their looks are 'obviously better' than yours).
I wont write more because this post is long enough, but basically, I'd recommend you read some radfem lit and get hobbies, or accept yourself and do things that can actually change what you want about your appearance.

No. 354532

Thanks a lot for your response!

I'd like to emphasise that I honestly do not care about male attention, my point was that I myself am not happy with the way I look. I know that was not your point at all, I'm just clarifying in case I expressed my self a bit poorly earlier on.

But you gave some really good advice, since the problem really is that I'm obsessed with a bunch of girls who don't look like me facial structure-wise etc. and have been feeling awful about it. In the end, the problem is that I don't appreciate my own features and I definitely did feel like women who look different from me objectively are much more attractive.
(I also have to add that I know it's not wise to compare yourself to someone's pics on IG/other social media, we all know how much people photoshop/use filters/makeup/angels/etc. to showcase only the best version of themselves online)

In the end, appearance is quite a trivial thing, even if you care about it a lot.

No. 354555

I think it’s important to accept your phenotype and looks and not obsess over trying to look like other people. For years I wanted to look like a blonde barbie Stacy type but I realized with my features and natural coloring that will just never work for me. The only way I could look like them is with endless hair and makeup and lots of expensive surgery and I’m not doing that. You have to accept what you have and work with it instead of constantly fighting against it, same goes for wardrobe and makeup style, if you’re someone who doesn’t suit heavy e-girl makeup and unnatural hair colors there’s no point trying to force it. You have to work with what you’ve got and be realistic. And also remember that there are endless ways to be beautiful, not just one aesthetic or look.

No. 354565


It's because you have this idea that these women have something you can never have. What I did that changed my feelings of inadequacy was look at women I like as inspiration rather than being superior to me. Like I follow this girl with this very fit body. Whether she's like that naturally or not doesn't matter. I think because I would like a fit body like her I will increase my physical activity. I won't look like her but I'll be a better version of myself

No. 354634

Have somebody struggled with your family opinions about your academic situation? I deeply appreciate any advice to overcome the pressure of disappointing my mother. Mostly if you come from a Latina/strict mother experience.
I've failed the only class I was taking this year, this is some of the 2 pending ones before graduating, I'm doing the final exam for another one during February next year.
I already talked with my mother, she really sounded disappointed at me but not as bad as I imagined. I feel a really big pressure from her, since she graduated around my age (23~24, I'm some weeks away from having 25) and she was expecting me graduating this year or even way before during pandemic.
It's not like im a slacker,most of the times I'm at home prepping the meals for her and my brother or taking care of pets and chores plus maintaining freelancer work. Even I help financially with that.
Even knowing that I cannot be and do everywhere the pressure is sickening me and I wanted to know if someone else had a similar situation like mine who can share their piece of advice about it. Thank you and I apologize the wall of text.

No. 354693

I've had my eyebrow piercing for 17 months without taking it out, it healed well, no problems with infections or anything else. The past 3 days I had to take it out for a job, and I was sanitising it and putting it back in outside work, but I think I caused an infection. The hole looks slightly pink, by the second day I was having to force it back in slightly, and now it won't go in at all (without using force). I'm going to a piercing studio tomorrow for them to look at it, but based off this information, how fucked is it?

No. 354769

To me it sounds like it's just been healing while the jewelry's been out.

No. 354770

*healing as in the piercing is closing up, I mean.

No. 354833

Ah okay, do you think they can save it if I get some new jewelry and have a professional put it back in 6 days or so after I first removed it? Sorry, I'm a pussy and a dummy about piercings.

No. 354883

Definitely have a professional put it in nonna. Also you might want to look into clear eyebrow piercings so that it doesn't run the risk of closing.

No. 355462

I can't stop awkwardly laughing when I'm uncomfortable. I hate that I do this, how do I stop? I'm so used to laughing to help a conversation go smoothly.
Like I want to stop because I think it makes me look retarded. Does it? Does it make me look like a complete retard when I awkwardly laugh? I cringe everytime I remember times I did this in a convo but I don't know how else to "clear the air" so to speak. Ugh.

No. 355464

Doesn't help that I'm uncomfortable the vast majority of the time during a conversation because of social anxiety either omfg.

No. 355471

First of all learn to delete and repost instead of adding more via reply. Secondly your nervous laughter is a symptom of a larger problem (social anxiety) that should be addressed at the root. Look into resources for building self esteem and social skills. Most importantly just notice it every time you laugh, make a mental note of it nonjudgmentally. The more you judge yourself the harder it will be to stop. Sometimes you're awkward, that's okay. We're all just people trying to get by.

No. 355505

Any nonnies have to deal with parathyroid issues? Or thyroid issues in general? I've been on levo for a year with no real improvements aside from finally being able to gain weight. My calcium is elevated but the rest of my labs are normal-ish. I haven't had a regular period for more than a year. I feel crazy.

No. 355520

I know all I need to do to lose weight is to cut my sugar intake and stop eating simple carbs. Yet why is it so hard to start? I've done it before….

No. 355536

Maybe try to increase your protein intake before concentrating excluding food items? The thought of not eating sugar or carbs is depressing to me but I found that if I'm actively trying to eat protein foods I naturally cut them out of my diet without even noticing.

No. 355541

Eat a fatty, protein filled meal when you crave sweets.

No. 355543

Is it a grocery shopping problem or an other people feeding you problem? Are there sweet snacks at work? Do you live with someone who buys sweets? Usually there’s a “big rock” problem/solution to address, hard to advise without more details.

No. 355591

It's a working long hours on my feet and wanting sugar and being super hungry as soon as I come home issue

No. 355599

Oh that’s rough. Then you’d have to remove (or eat, whatever, don’t waste) all sugary food from your home and not buy it at the store so it’s not there for you when you get back.

No. 355603

throw the carbs out of the house, if you consume a lot of sugar in things like tea and coffee find a good sugar replacement. I like allulose and cut my coffee with it.

No. 355679

How do you find female friends as a 25+ year old woman? Especially if you are introverted and come across as very aloof because of it. I've thought about volunteering for something I'm passionate about, but I'm worried it's mostly middle aged people there or I'm too socially retarded to make anyone like me.

No. 355680

That means you haven't actually volunteered yet? Just try it.

No. 356216

If I've drastically lost weight due to illness, is it ok to edit my photos so my face looks fuller/how it looked before I lost the weight? I usually dont like editing my pictures more than removing blemishes, but I feel so gaunt and ugly like I look now.

No. 356220

You can do whatever you want to your photos it’s not like it’s evil. Try not to make it look goofy. You could also abstain from posting if you feel uncomfortable, you don’t owe people pictures. The only advice I have is to keep an unedited version for your own records so you can look back on something real if you want/need to.

No. 356221

this >>355680
You could also try joining an adult teamsport, a book club, a hiking club, stuff like that. Or Bumble BFF.

What's the point? It's not like people won't see your new face irl.

No. 356260

Any cute and simple apps for journaling/diary? For android

No. 356273

This question isn't really appropriate for the advice thread on /g/. In the future you should ask in the Request thread on /ot/ –I posted my suggestions there for you >>>/ot/1747887

No. 356294

Simple journal, it has a black icon. I prefer it over other journal/note taking apps because it lets you create seperate "notebooks" if you want to. It's not cute though but definitely simple and no nonsense.

No. 356342

File: 1698904478818.jpg (19.49 KB, 305x300, image2.jpg)

My mom called two hours ago to ask me if I'd tutor my (step)nephew in order to catch up on 30+ assignments and help him pass for this period despite supposedly failing two grades but getting passed onward anyway. Supposedly, one of my mom's customers at the store suggested I do it since I was so smart in school that it'd be a no-brainer for me to do it. According to mom, he doesn't focus on his work, but I get why he might be struggling to focus: he has three younger siblings that make things chaotic, and his homelife is rough since his parents (my brother and sister-in-law) haven't been on good terms lately, and thus haven't been able to agree on a way to help him. That whole family is moving back into my mom's house for the winter months as well, where my mom is unhappy with the setup since her and the sister-in-law (her daughter-in-law) do not get along at all. I've been critical to the three adults that live there that they need to get along for the sake of the children, but they won't listen to me. Now, my brother is taking EMT classes and my sister-in-law was aiming for a job, which makes them pretty much unavailable if she gets the job.

Back to the nephew, I recognize that both family and school have failed him and that he shouldn't be left to flunk. But I am absolutely sure that I'm not qualified for it. I'm not as patient as I should be when it comes to students, as I do have experience with trying to tutor kids. I also struggled with my own schooling as I got older despite being in advanced/G-T classes. Finally I'm just not real jazzed to give up 4 hrs after a 9-5 to tutor someone given I just got settled into a routine of enjoying my time at home and hanging out with my boyfriend and friends in games without being a caretaker to someone, but I get that that's selfish to be upset about. Am I in the wrong to not want to do this? Or should I just bite the bullet and do it?

No. 356345

Tell them to pay a proper tutor, if you justify it by saying you're unqualified that's perfectly fine but lbr they're incredibly entitled and inconsiderate to expect you to give up a significant amount of your time for free. They're taking advantage and you're absolutely not in the wrong to want to get out of it.

No. 356355

Are you sure you're expected to give up that many hours or is that just a guess? I don't personally think it's unreasonable for family to ask you to help your nephew if it's for one or maybe two hours a week. But it's your call.

No. 356364

It might be a guess on my mom's part considering how much stuff has to be caught up on, and I don't even know how many subjects he's behind in.

No. 356386

My therapist not only never ever got back to me after he said we'd take a small break since we were doing really intensive treatment (3 days a week for two months), he also never told me he was moving to a different company.

I'm drafting up an email to let him know that I feel it was very unprofessional. Should I also speak on my emotions about it all? I'm thinking of adding how I feel abandoned and hurt.

No. 356388

Tbh no, it's not an online session but a question how/if you'll be working together in the future.

No. 356389

I honestly don't ever want to work with him again. I really expressed some of my deepest darkest thoughts and he literally gave me no indication he left for a new company and I never heard from him again. I don't want to work with someone that gives so little shits about his clients to not even tell them he's leaving.

No. 356396

Not that anon, but you can report him to his new company for client abandonment. Telling you it'd be a short break, then never updating you that you weren't his client anymore is unethical.

No. 356410

You could say you’ll do 45 minutes per day and then just talk to him and not tutor him. Do that for a while then tell them he needs a real tutor and stop pretending to tutor him.
His parents should be doing the tutoring and things are clearly shit, your mom is just worried and coming up with ideas. You cannot be his tutor.

No. 357783

Do you think it’d be possible to salvage my relationship with my roommate? I’m a junior in college, and last year I roomed with a close friend who ended up dropping out, so this year I moved into a new dorm with a new randomly selected roommate. My social skills had become really awful over the past couple years, but we were able to be pretty friendly with each other at first. On the first morning of classes she sent me a good morning text but I didn’t respond because I didn’t really know how to. Whenever I’m in my room alone I often ramble really loudly to myself like a schizo, something I tried to stop doing this year but I failed after like a day, and I’m certain she can hear me and thinks I’m insane. A week into the semester things started getting really awkward, the only things we’d say to each other would be “hi”. When we met up to do our roommate agreement she acted kinda cold and passive aggressive the whole time, but I guess it was just because she was as awkward as me. Right now that the semester’s almost over, we legit go out of our way to avoid each other. Whenever I hear her in the kitchen I wait for her to leave so that I can cook and vice versa. The communication issues are especially a problem with household responsibilities and stuff, we’re supposed to take turns taking out the trash, but whenever it’s her turn she just takes the bag out and leaves it next to the bin until I have to text her to take it out. Our base means of communicating is texting and it’s just asking each other to get stuff done. I feel like this just sucks for both of us and think it’s too late to even try and get in normal speaking terms, but does anyone know what I might be able to do?

No. 357787

This is advice I never like receiving since it seems really futile, BUT - try asking her if everything's ok. College can be very ass half the time, and life's stressful as-is.
Unless you feel she's truly being malicious, ask if she's alright and if you can divide up chores better. Even if you have to kinda kneecap yourself and say "I just feel like I'm the awkward one! I don't want things to get worse" she'll probably be more open to talking as long as you aren't accusing her of something. You can bring up things you want her to be more responsible about after you've established she's ok with talking.

The same exact thing is happening with students at my school. People randomly get really standoffish and there's less feeling of community overall. Asking about it usually leads to a barrage of personal complaints, or a cry for help with life things that I just can't solve for them. Working around it and finding a middle ground is possible, but leave a little space for things possibly not improving. I'd love to wave a magic wand and make everyone a functional, social adult but since covid - no joke - social interaction across the board has just been bricked. Faculty is feeling it, counselors are feeling it, and you're not alone in being surprised at things like that.

No. 357789

How long are you rooming for? If it's only to the end of the semester it's probably not worth the effort. If not, you'll need to start going out of your way to do nice things things for her. Slowly at first, just text her that there's an extra drink in the fridge, ask if she needs anything when you go shopping, do a chore for her but don't tell her you did it. Be casual about it. If she starts being more friendly towards you then you can graduate to inviting her out for food or getting groceries together. If she accepts, use that time to apologize. Just say that you started out on the wrong foot and you'd like to start fresh with her. If she is not receptive to any of that, as a last resort you can text her an apology (wait for a low stress point in the school year). If things don't improve after that then drop it. Don't act coldly towards her but don't try to push for a better relationship either.

No. 357988

File: 1699650395836.gif (3.8 MB, 360x241, maxwell-cat.gif)

hi nonnies, can I get advice on achieving true stoicism as a broken neet trying to get a job? I, uh, had a weird upbringing. Learned how to speak years after other kids. Have a lot of weird behaviors (I have been asked if I'm severely autistic). I have, unfortunately, only gotten much worse and more disassociated as I've gotten deep into my 20s. On top of everything I have a disease that makes me feel really exhausted all the time and look like death, like I can barely even think in the moment. I have accidentally driven people to rage just because I accidentally had the wrong tone and expression. I am horrifically ugly. I only had one day in my life I felt well. I have made money online for a few years but it isn't really enough to save up.

Right now I'm trying to get as healthy as I can. However, I keep seeing all kinds of horrible stories from other people that probably have much more going for them and it's so demotivating. I have been avoiding such sites + threads lately, but the fact that pretty much all of the worst experiences of my life came from when I tried to get out of my shell really doesn't help. I spent years brute forcing it and my mental health was left in shambles.
I'm not really a suicidal person but tbh I'd be dead by now if not for my family because, tbh, someone like me really shouldn't exist and…I don't know how to persist, vicariously, being the way I am?

No. 357993

You're going to want to start by looking after yourself more. Become more confident in your appearance by taking baby steps: skincare routine, makeup (not totally necessary but mascara, cc cream, and a quick brow fill-in changes the way i see myself completely), style, etc.
Eat better if you can, drink more water and try to take a walk every now and then.
Next, write up a resume and make an Indeed account. Find job postings that are close to you and apply to ALL OF THEM. A lot of smaller jobs do not require experience and can be easier to get. Even if it is an unejoyable job like fast food or retail, you will get experience and be able to save more money. Open a savings account and add a percentage of your paycheck to it.
It may take a while, but you will have funds for an apartment and you can figure out what to do with your life from there.

It will get better nona. It is possible. I hope things start looking up for you, and it is never too late to start now.

No. 358004

You mean stoicism as a philosophy and way of life? If so you start by reading the most popular books in that genre and finding community with others seeking stoicism. Surely there are pseudonymous online communities you can join to meet people without showing your face. I can't point you in any particular direction because i dont know anything about stoicism itself, but if that's what you want help with then I'll be happy to do some research for you.
The other anon is giving you more "brute force" advice where you just solve it all yourself. Her suggestion to take physical care of yourself is great, so please start there! (Not with makeup, thats stupid. But diet, exercise, hydration, and regular sleep are necessary for your physical and emotional health.) More than that I think you need support. The part of you that says "I should be able to handle this alone" is a fucking liar. You mention supportive family so please, tell them the truth about how you're feeling. Together you can look into programs for autistic adults, occupational therapy, hell maybe even trauma therapy. It sounds like youve been through a LOT, most of which has yet to be processed.
As an internet stranger I can't tell you exactly what's holding you back or where you need the most help, but I do know for a fact that you need to gather some more people on your side, people with more energy and information than you, who want nothing more than to see you succeed. And anon there are people like that out there who would be honoured to be a part of your journey

No. 358030

File: 1699658756829.jpg (99.14 KB, 600x600, a3c9a0315a8e42577c9a1474cc34bd…)

I live with one another girl who is really lovely and we get along well. She's out of the house a lot (which is fine), but when she is in the house, 9/10 times she has her boyfriend over. Her boyfriend is a nice enough guy but he talks super loud and they cook dinner together very late (at like 11 pm or 12 am), which is not a good combo since my bedroom is next to the kitchen. As I'm typing rn I can hear every word he's saying. I always hear her shushing him so she knows he's loud. Her bf will often stay overnight, sometimes two nights in a row and she never asks or lets me know that he'll be here. It makes me uncomfortable wearing tank tops or no bra under my shirt because a man is there. Like today I came home and she'd left for class and he had sat himself down in the living room playing TikToks loudly. She doesn't tell me when SHE'LL be out of the house either, so sometimes she's gone for like 5 days at a time without letting me know. I never want to text and check because it seems a bit over the top to demand to know where she is.
Anyways, I always let her know when I'm going to have friends over. I'd really appreciate the same courtesy, but idk if it'd be redundant since he's here all the time so she'd be texting me every other day. I don't know what to do anons. I don't want to seem like a narc but I don't like living in the same space with a man. The best solution for me would be if she stops having her boyfriend over all the time but I don't feel I can demand that.

No. 358041

Tell her what you just told us: that you feel uncomfortable with a man in the house, that you can't wear what you want when he's over, that he's too damn loud, etc. etc. Ya gotta stand up for yourself, unfortunately people can't read minds.

No. 358048

Are you sure you are not actually autistic? I have autism and you kind of sound like me and a lot of other autistic people. I feel like you shouldn't shut down the avenue and it would make a good starting point.

No. 358059

You're right, but I'm worried about that. She told me he's been over so much because he's stressed about college work and he misses his mom a lot (we live in the US, he's from Lithuania). I don't know if it seems rude because I realize he's only over so much because of that. Anyway I think I'll talk to her about it because I don't want to build up resentment

No. 358072

>>358030 i don't think it's unreasonable to not want someone you don't know to always be in your home, even more so because of how often her boyfriend is there. at least ask her to give you a heads up if he's gonna be there if you don't want to outright say you don't want him there

No. 358078

Everything you said sounded reasonable and normal, like you could literally just let her read the post you made and it would be polite lol (don’t actually do that of course, but if you told her something like what you told us it wouldn’t be out of line)

No. 358140

Advice on what to do if im sexually frustrated/a bit touch starved, single, and can't do hookups? I have a lot of sexual trauma with men to where it's difficult for me to feel attracted to them and near impossible for me to be intimate with them unless im actually in a committed relationship (but i don't feel like that will happen anytime soon). And again I cant do hookups. The thought makes me physically ill. But i dont know what else to do. Is there a way to lower or burn off sexual frustration without actually having sex with a random moid? I just feel really frustrated like im missing out and reminding myself of my lackluster, traumatic experiences with moids in the past isnt helping anymore.
Not sure if anyone is going to ask why i cant do hookups, so as a short answer, it would be really mentally damaging to me for many reasons.

No. 358143

I mean all you can do is masturbate or get a boyfriend. Don't listen to the retards on /g/ who think hooking up is the answer. It always ends bad for women as you already know.

No. 358146

>Is there a way to lower or burn off sexual frustration without actually having sex with a random moid?
"Spicy" romance novels. If you don't find sexual audios cringe, google "soundgasm search" > flaru > m4f + tags you want. I feel similar to you and these help me out.

No. 358165

Masturbation is the way to go for me. I get really sexually frustrated, but talking to men and getting a boyfriend anytime soon probably isn’t going to happen. For the times when I feel really frustrated, I try to make a night out of it rather than just rubbing one out and trying to come as fast as I can. I’ll set things up to be really comfy and take my time with it and usually afterwards it feels really satisfying and a big relief.

No. 358171

As the other anons say yes masturbate, also get professional massages from a person/business you trust

No. 358203

Has anyone got any experience with coming off the pill and their periods being wacky? I had a withdrawal bleed, one super light period and then nothing for about 3 months. I've convinced myself that I've got something horribly wrong with me and don't want to see my GP yet in case they confirm it. Before the pill my periods were fine. I am overweight so trying to get back down to the weight I was pre-pill in case it's related to being a fatty.

No. 358416

I've been trying to practice better sleep hygiene and started trying to use my bedroom only for sleeping in it, but I hate it. I've lived alone in a single room for the first two decades of my life, literally all that I needed in there was a toilet and a shower and I would've had all my needs covered, so branching out feels so inconvenient and in a way naked, because now everything I need is scattered through the apartment instead of concentrated in 20m². Anyone who relates to this dumb problem, did you ever get over it or do you still think something like Getting a Nights Sleep Sure Is Nice but I’d Rather Live in My Shoe Box Again on a daily basis?

No. 358419

Still stuck in lite mode so I can't delete, but I'm starting to wonder now, does sound sleep hygiene mean using your bed or using your bedroom only for sleeping? Am I actually allowed to use my bedroom again as long as I don't do all the stuff I used to do in my bed in my bed? Will my suffering end? This month was painful.

No. 358423

I'm fairly certain it only means not sleeping/laying down/sitting on your bed during the day.

No. 358431

you can do either, bedroom only for sleeping is more extreme but pretty sure you can limit to only sleeping in your bed to also improve sleep hygeine.

No. 358454

I did all the sleep hygiene stuff except using bedroom only for sleep because I had a small apartment. The advice still worked I just ignored that part entirely. I love to hang out on my bed with my cats in the morning / afternoon / evening, I’m not gonna give that up.

No. 358534

I'm aware that this is gonna make me sound like a troon but how do I feel and look more feminine? I have long hair, big breasts, wear makeup, but I don't feel feminine enough. Even when I wear skirts and dresses I feel like I have a masculine energy that makes me feel like I'm a pig in lipstick. What can I do to lift my energy into the divine feminine?

No. 358547

is your posture good? if you're stomping around everywhere and slouching you're probably going to feel masculine

No. 358548

Do less, be calm and exist.

No. 358551

>divine feminine
What the fuck kek

No. 358559

Stop worrying about being feminine, if you're a woman (and not a troon) you're feminine no matter your physical proportions, how you dress or groom. Literally just exist as you are.

No. 358564

You don't, "femininity" was invented by males. When you feel "masculine" you're just feeling like a person because masculinity stereotypically includes every positive attribute, meanwhile femininity is mainly look-based and for males to feel good about. Also "divine feminine" isn't real and is just another random invention to make women want to embrace "femininity", which again is not real.

No. 358565

This is a genuine set of questions.
Do you find short haired women to be unfeminine?
Do you find small chested women to be unfeminine?
Do you find women without make-up unfeminine?
Do you find women in pants to be unfeminine?

No. 358569

What you and she are missing is that "feminine energy" is not about looks. She's trying too hard and forcing it. She needs to get comfortable with herself and find some inner peace, then she will be feminine just by existing because she is female.
>When you feel "masculine" you're just feeling like a person because masculinity stereotypically includes every positive attribute
Dangerous mindset to have. I know people in society value "masculine" more but you should know better.

No. 358570

>you should know better
Masculine and feminine aren't real to me. And being condescending won't make me agree with you.

No. 358571

I wasn't trying to trigger you, sorry.

No. 358729

NTA but borderline projection begone.

No. 358730

>then she will be feminine just by existing because she is female.
In that case she already is feminine because she is female, not "will be."

No. 358783

Am I ridiculous for feeling envious about my friend's age? She's 3 years younger than me.

1st world problems to the max, but still

No. 358786

No. 358793

File: 1700003175791.jpg (109.97 KB, 960x384, turn off sex pill.jpg)

Any advice so I can turn off from sex??

No. 358795

Posts like these make me glad I’m a bpd-chan who can love multiple moids at once and can easily move on and feel just as intensely for a brand new person while completely forgetting about the last ‘love of my life’

No. 358796


That is called animalistic sexual attraction. The behavior your described is just as animals do.

No. 358797

nta but… hot

No. 358805

Who said anything about sex? That’s you projecting

No. 358806

Animals don’t experience sexual attraction retard. Moid animals fight each other to the death and then the winner gets to mount the female. Nothing to do with physical attraction. In fact most animals look the exact same, humans are the only species whose faces and features vary so much. If anything physical attraction is a human specific trait.

No. 358812


female animals literally get SWITCHED ON and seek sex. If anything, the concept of rape only exists in humans and some mammals, animals don't typically reproduce through rape, they do when females allow it

And most females, if not all, go about life being switched on for sex and going after sexual attraction at all times in their lives (this is why they don't play single player video games in their basements or do any other behavior outside socializing, because socialization = sex)

No. 358814

Nothing to do with what I said retard, sperg harder

No. 358816


Name one thing you do with your day that is not socialization-related. That isn't related to clothes, looking at people, reading about people, gossiping, that isn't about displaying something (like gardening)

Tell me one action you take in your day that is introspective. You can't name one can you? That is because women think about sex 24/7 - it is why they never act in a way that isn't social. What goes inside comes out in your behavior(chill out)

No. 358818

File: 1700008282117.jpg (59.8 KB, 602x408, main-qimg-948064e3a0d2e929d21c…)

No. 358819

File: 1700008337347.jpg (40.83 KB, 640x480, Dasypeltis medici David Marti.…)

I'm Egg

No. 358836

Why am I getting a 404 when I search up this post, what thread was this from originally? Is it like a parody of another post? Am I retarded for not knowing about the turn off sex pill?

No. 358887

The both of you need to go fucking read a biology book.

No. 359046

File: 1700107652734.jpg (37.18 KB, 480x360, deathgrips.jpg)

What the hell do I do. What would be the best way to conquer and get rid of my severe facial eczema to a manageable degree if I live with one of my biggest triggers? First off, I am planning on changing my diet by cutting out dairy and meats and lowering the amount of carbs I consume, since I've read that inflammation is directly tied to diet. Along with increasing the amount of water to at least a liter and more a day, I am going to start taking walks and get a gym membership at my local community center as well. Along with limiting the amount of steroids and medicines I use so as to not develop TSW or a dependency. So I have no plans on not at least trying to fix it by focusing on my body first and foremost. However, I fear that despite these changes it might not do all that much because I live with two large hairy dogs that shed constantly, and dog hair and dander is one of my biggest triggers. If I am in a room with them and they shake their fur everywhere my face will break out into weepy hives and sores. I have to constantly change and wash my clothes because their hair and dander will track into my room and into my bed. If I don't there are times where I can't even sleep in my own bed without waking up to painful weeping patches on my cheeks and neck so I just pull a all-nighter until I can use the washing machine. I can't even go into the basement anymore since it is teeming with dander and fur, and just sitting down there will trigger a severe flare-up. I have to spend 96% of my time in my room because it's the only place that has some form of repreive from the absolute nightmare of dander and fur that's everywhere outside of it. Literal nightmare fuel. They're my family's dogs so getting rid of them isn't an option and even if the dogs died my family would quickly replace them in less than a week. Because "awww we need the heckin pupperinos doggos for muh protections". I can't move out for the foreseeable future in this economy so I'm stuck with this until I can move which won't be for years, it is seriously depressing me to the point that suicide is becoming a viable option. Hell, I know for a fact that when the dogs do die my father wants a pitbull so I've debated triggering it, getting mauled, and using that to leverage never having a canis familiaris in the house ever again. I'm not even a dog hate autist, I just hate that I have to live with them even though they're one of the biggest factors to my lowered quality of life. I'll look and feel diseased at best and a acid victim at worst because of the dogs. So I was hoping I could get some advice to best deal with this situation before I go absolutely postal because of the constant physical pain.

No. 359069

a bunch of random ideas:
1) adding door brushers to your door. I have an odor problem where I live so I just taped stiff paper to mine, which cuts down on smell but idk how effective it would be for this
2) wearing a mask/scarf over your face when going through your house. long sleeves and long pants are a given.
3) getting an air purifier made specifically for allergens/pet dander
4) keeping 2-3 towels in your room for exclusive use for showers, etc
5) keeping 3-4 water bottles in your room (and pls eventually drink around 1.5L a day, 1L is not much). also non perishable, healthy and filling snacks like trail mix, apples, etc in your room to minimize trips
6) wearing thin hoodies with the hood up to sleep, to protect your neck
7) maybe you can train yourself to sleep on your back? or cover your pillowcase entirely when not in use to minimze drifting dander getting on it. or use one of the personal towels as a pillowcover and put it away first thing in the morning

a lot of these kinda rely on you having your own room, esp one that ppl dont go in and out of much. i hope you find some methods that help soon anon, sorry you're realy going through it, ezcema is hell

No. 359074

I need help with some classy stocking stuffer ideas for this couple I am buying gifts for. I know it’s early, but custom stuff has to be done early.
Hers: Custom leather luggage tag, perfume, birth flower necklace, custom nail polish (in the colors of her pets eye colors), snacks
His: Matching leather luggage tag, cologne, snacks

She is who I’m trying to make a good impression on, so her boyfriend’s gift needs to be equivalent to hers somewhat, but not Too good. It can’t seem like I’m trying to impress him, so nothing too fancy or expensive in his. He also kind of sucks so generic is fine. Hers I’m open to any ideas.

No. 359114

Get him a little book or journal not cologne. Cologne is a romantic gift for a man, she’ll have to smell it on him so it will be weird if he wears it and it’s from you.

No. 359119

nice pen? slippers? flashlight?

No. 359121

Does it make a difference if the woman is the sister of the man I have been dating for a few years? I dont know her very well but she knows I am not at all interested in her boyfriend. Still a bad idea?
If I’m being honest the cologne idea came to mind because I can get pretty much any nice cologne for free.

No. 359124

Nta but if you know which cologne he wears and you're just resupplying him, its fine imo. But dont buy him a new type.

No. 359126

Don’t give a another woman’s boyfriend cologne, throw a bookmark from Etsy in there or something

No. 359132

If they know you have nice cologne/perfume connections it might not be weird, like if you work at a perfume company and they know that. If they don’t know that then it’s weird, doesn’t matter what the relation is.

No. 359342

dont buy him cologne, thats weird and just has connotations/insinuations no matter what. maybe you can talk w the woman and be like 'oh if you want to get him a nice cologne for christmas i could hook you up'?

No. 359811

Is there anyway to avoid liars, specifically people who tell lies about you? I don’t want to sound like a victim but I feel like I have people lie about me all the time. In college someone I thought was a good friend started a rumour that I was a two-faced bitch and tried to steal her boyfriend. She spread it through our whole cohort and it wasn’t until our final year that people realised she was full of shit and started telling me what she’d said about me. A few years ago I was at a festival with my good friend and her friend group, and one of the girls there told everyone that she heard me having a threesome in the tent next to her. Last night I had my boyfriend over and we just hung out and talked, and this morning while I was out my neighbouring roommate apparently complained to my other roommates that she didn’t sleep well because I was having crazy loud sex with him all night. I can handle a few rumours here or there but this is really getting to me. I mind my business, I keep to myself, I barely flirt, I never in a million years would hit on someone’s man, and yet for some reason I keep becoming a target. What do I do? I’d there anything I can do?

No. 360019

What do I do if a creep scrote asks for my number, but wants me to type it in and call right away to check if it's real? This happened in front of my house so I couldn't lie, either way he'd know where I live and what my car looks like. I'm moving soon but I live in a very quiet rural area with barely anyone around, I was afraid to potentially anger him because if he'd started knocking me out no one would've heard or seen anything for hours. I learnt from my neighbor that he rings her door at 1am to proposition her, ask for cigs and money, and always waits outside the village for a ride downtown. I'll call the cops if he approaches me again but I just need tips on the fucking phone number trick because this has happened before and I never know what to do.

I know how that feels, I was around these types in college as well who ended up ruining my reputation based on nothing. What fixed it for me was severing ties with that friend group, unfortunately. It's tougher when it's your roommate, it happened to be mine too and I had to move out so things were difficult for a bit. Liars and rumor spreaders are literal diseases, you have to get physically away from them (or those they contaminated). If you can't for now, honest confrontation might be your best bet, just asking why she said that when you both know that's not true. If conversation isn't an option, stonewalling is the last resort.

No. 360117

How to merge my soft heart with my man-hate? Ideologically, I am the evil TERF "kill all men" lesbian separatist that everybody fearmongers about, but in practice I'm honestly just very kind to everyone. Even when random men speak to me on the street, I respond with the care and respect I give to all living creatures. It's reflexive. When the interaction ends, I feel disappointment and sometimes even disgust for giving a scrote some positive attention, which no doubt brightened his mood and encouraged him to pester even more women and girls. It's a betrayal of my feminist values… but it fits perfectly into my genuine "nice girl" personality. But men dont deserve that, I know, and I'd rather save my energy for women. Is this something that just comes with practice?
To be clear, I don't want to get in unnecessary fights or antagonize anyone, just ignore the strangers as if they don't exist. And in an environment where contact is prolonged (work, school, neighbors), remain polite but hold them all at arm's length. The problem is that I love to put people at ease, laugh at their jokes, help them out, teach them things… and I routinely mistake these walking abortions as people. Does it get easier with time? I don't need any help hating men because I already know what they are capable of, I don't trust any of them, but it has been so difficult to harden my heart. Does anyone else have this problem?

No. 360120

I'm sorry I don't have a trick for you, wait for him to call and immediately block the number I guess? But I'm really puzzled why you would acquiesce to his request at all. You don't have to give him any number, fake or real. If you're honestly afraid he would hurt you don't give him anything, go inside and call the cops.

No. 360138

If you want to deceive him: get a 2nd simcard (you can get them for free online), prove it to him, snap the sim in half and throw it out either afterwards or as soon as you've moved away. That way he won't have your real number. Most android phones nowadays take 2 sims, idk about iphones. You'll have to judge if that's safe tho

No. 360141

Don't obsess over it. Just treat everyone on the surface level with decency, but assert boundaries when men seem like they're more trouble than they're worth. Men will be shitheads and take your kindness the wrong way at times, you're not at fault for assuming the good nature of people or treating others how you want to be treated.

No. 360182

Get a fake wedding/engagement ring and wear that, flash it when a moid asks for your number

No. 360222

Is it bad to leave for the night if your husband is yelling? He has never been abusive, just mean and exhausting.

No. 360243

Not at all. The best thing to do is remove yourself from the situation if things are heated.

No. 360245

you know emotional abuse exists right

No. 360250

It's good for you to leave. It's bad of him to be that way. Don't go back, at least not longer than it takes to pack up while he's out of the house.

No. 360272

how to stop people pleasing like a retard? and also view reality objectively?

No. 360306

Yelling is abuse. Being mean and yelling at you is also abuse. It's emotional abuse.
I lived with a dad who would yell all the fucking time and it was awful.

No. 360332

My mom's company was brought by a multinational last year. She had a high responsibility and very tiring job, but she felt useful and had some kind of purpose. Her new position makes it so she doesn't have a team of forty people to manage, way less stressful, but it's also really boring: she basically does every tasks for the day in two hours, whereas she used to come to work with 60+ emails to treat daily on top of the management. She also works almost 50% remote now so her day is basically finished before lunch.

Of course going from one extreme to another is hard and it takes some times to adapt. I'm really glad that she has the opportunity to take some time to herself and have a less stressful job for the end of her career, she also gets to spend more time with my brother which is great. But since september she has been telling me often about how she did nothing all weekend (of course she takes care of the house, garden, my brother and the cats alone so she's still pretty active), got bored and just watched tv or napped. I'm worried about her getting depressed since she had such a drastic change in her lifestyle and I'm not sure she knows how to fill all that free time, kinda like how some freshly retired people get depressed because they don't have a lot going on outside of work. I'm especially worried thinking about the future when my brother will leave for college and she will be all alone.

Has anyone been in that kind of situation, and how did you feel? I would also like to introduce her to a new hobby (I know that she has a creative streak in her that she never got to explore for exemple) but I'm not sure what. She lives in a rural area, although not too far from the city it would be better if it's something she could do by herself and not in a club setting. Has anyone got any idea of a hobby to pick up at that age? What do your moms do in their free time?

No. 360337

How do I make my boyfriend change his diet? Now, my bf has always been heavy, but he used to have a fuck ton of muscle and a bit of belly fat. Ge decided he wanted to diet to get rid of the fat, good I guess, but now he bas cut out all the protein rich foods he used to eat for…bread??? So he eats less and his weight has gone down, but all he has done is loose his muscle and honestly it looks like he has gained fat. Byt he is happy bc the number on the scale has gone down. wtf stupid idiot.

No. 360338

I'm not convinced she's depressed and I don't think you should meddle too much or you might start making her selfconscious about having free time, but assuming you're right about the situation you should encourage some social hobby that involves meeting other people because it's the lack of human interaction that's hardest to adjust to when you go from managing a bunch of people to managing no one. (Even if you were just their boss before when you suddenly don't have a team to manage it's like holy shit I don't talk to anyone all day.) If she's in a rural area that might be hard unless she's a church-type person… Not knowing where she lives or what's available I can't really recommend anything specific but some places have book clubs at the library or walking clubs or dance classes etc. And since Christmas is coming up there are probably opportunities to volunteer for charities (toy drive, turkey drive, caroling, etc)

No. 360339

tell him to start using a body fat calculator/measurements instead of a scale

No. 360346

I don't think she's depressed (yet) but our past 4-5 phone calls, she mentioned feeling bored, tired and not wanting to do anything, and I mostly feel like she lost a purpose in life and something that made her proud. That's why I thought about introducing her to a hobby (especially creative) since she could learn a new skill, make things and be proud of herself. I don't see her in a social club at all, she isn't social like that and has always liked being alone - she has close friends that she can count on, but she only sees them from time to time and is fine with that. Some of those activities are mostly american things and we don't have that here, but thank you for suggesting and I'll look into charities because she would definetly be interested in that and I hadn't thought about it before!

No. 360348

>view reality objectively
Ask yourself "can a video camera see this?" A camera doesn't see "youre stupid" or "youre not trying hard enough," just you picking your nose or something. The judgements are subjective and added on to "the footage" later.

No. 360351

File: 1700576272356.jpeg (286.33 KB, 2048x1642, D3gtfgrUIAAxItm.jpeg)

Sometimes I find myself wondering if I should do my makeup and choose a nice outfit for school just to see if it makes me feel.. better?

I love dressing up and wearing makeup, but never when I'm going to school or to work. Usually I just wear my "less important" clothes to school and go with a bare face.
I just feel like it's kinda unneccessary (to me personally) to get all dolled-up just to go to school (or work, for that matter) and I rarely have the energy in the morning even if I wake up really early.

This is a dumb thing to stress about, I just wonder if putting effort into my appearance more often would result in feeling more put-together and maybe even more motivated if that makes sense?

No. 360353

Why not try it out? I wouldn't wake up earlier for it but if you have an outfit in mind in the evening just lay or hang it up somewhere and put it on in the morning. Also that pic makes me so nostalgic I forgot she existed

No. 360355

In my experience it does help my mental to be physically put together. It's just a mind trick but it works.

No. 360365

>if putting effort into my appearance more often would result in feeling more put-together and maybe even more motivated if that makes sense?
It used to for me when I was younger, but I think that was largely due to me poor self-esteem. It made me feel more productive but also made me stress about my appearance more. I haven't worn makeup since corona and go dressed in baggy jeans and hoodies nowadays and have never felt better or more relaxed. You could try it and see how you feel if you're sure you won't end up tying dressing up to school/work to your selfesteem like I did.

No. 360395

How to stop people pleasing? I pretty much fake my whole personality to be liked online and off. It isn't borderline, and I'm aware the part I'm playing isn't really me as I don't merge. I just feel immense fear of offending the other person, being scolded and rejected or hurt, even if they're wildly overstepping bare minimum boundaries. Pretending means I can make sure I'll be liked. It's attracted a couple narcissistic types who use me for their supply. One gay guy I've known for years trooned out and his palpable narcissism sure intensified. I'm walking on eggshells because I'm sure he'll threaten suicide and blame me for being a "TERF" if I say anything invalidating.

He started stanning exclusively trans-identified male celebrities who've made beyond questionable public statements about women. I think he's into the victimhood status that comes with daring to disagree with him about anything trans-related, and the power it gives him, but I can't extend my people pleasing tendencies to agreeing with him fanboying over Ethel Cain's recent Tumblr posts (the ones calling women 12 year old girls waiting to be fucked by old men). I said that it put me off listening to Ethel's album (which he asked me to listen to, in an ongoing line of random trans album recommendations he presents as the second coming of Christ just because they're trans). He immediately said "wait did that seriously put you off her" and went on a tirade excusing it: "i mean she could have worded her post better but transphobes were writing literal transphobic thinkpieces about her and then when she got upset and reacted angrily they were just like male brain moment. she was clearly pissed off at all the transphobic posts showing up on her tumblr when she wrote it". When I said I understand the context because I read all Ethel's posts and those same excuses Ethel gave, he gave me the silent treatment, didn't bother to reply at all, ignored it like it wasn't said and went back to talking about what he wants (linked a video about a gay story because he's a gay man in denial, obsessed with various gay celebrities to such an extent it's undeniably autistic hyperfixation, and then he linked a list of books by trans authors). That's when I accepted I was being talked at for attention. He will talk and talk and talk about his favourite gay male and TIM celebrities knowing I'm a lesbian who has no reason to care. The other day he said a teenage trans musician's brain was so above mine and his. He's always been condescending but it eased for a time when I told him it's shitty - until he transitioned, and now it's ramping back up. I guess he feels it's justified to neg me if it's propping up TIMs. This isn't to mention him updating me about his "tits growing". Why do I put up with this, telling myself I'm the problem, seeing the good in him when all that potential is gone thanks to transitioning, when he really turned out to be the most common moid who found a not like the other boys cheat code? What's wrong with me?

No. 360425

File: 1700605706825.jpg (45.45 KB, 407x640, newp.jpg)

when i am on the internet too often, because i work toward my bachelors as an online student, i am prone to distractions and envy. i am working on it, but lately i have been sick and out of routine and my whole day has been taken up wondering how i should change up my appearance outside of exercise/diets i have been doing.

i do not know if i should invest in lip injections? or if i should try to put tape in extensions again? i wish i could answer these things for myself but i don't know. i am very low maintenance because i only go out of the house for work part-time and do not have social media or much i doll up for aside from when i visit my boyfriend every few months.

i have some extra money so i am just wondering if its worth it to get small lip fillers and try extensions again? i know its vain but i wonder if it could propel me in some way or make me love myself more. sometimes i see girls who looks so ethereal and elegant and i really wish i could appear as such more often. i want to carry myself more maturely and put more effort into myself i just dont know if this is a silly thought or worth the investment.

No. 360427

Lip fillers always look bad and obvious, no matter how little you put in. Imo and paradoxical it looks the worst on girls with thin lips, thin lips are so much cuter than thin lips with filler in them. It always migrates and we do not know the long term effects, plus dissolving them also dissolves your natural collagen making your skin saggy. Dont do it.

Maybe invest in something like a few dance lessons, that will teach you how to move more gracefully and have more control over your body? Lip fillers are certainly mot going to make you behave or look more elegant.

No. 360429

>ethereal and elegant
I really have nothing against lip filler but they do not exude these qualities at all, they are bubbly and fleshy/earthly

No. 360437

Is he dangerous/deranged? Block and ignore.
Is he needy/gross? Tell him he’s a gay man and he needs to love himself then block and ignore.

No. 360447

you can grey rock him and gradually distance yourself while giving excuses like "oh ive been so busy [with professional/familial/etc responsibilities], i didnt have the time to read/watch [whatever garbage he recommended]". its hard to stop people pleasing, so start w NOT pleasing (e.g acquiescing to most things they ask that dont benefit you) instead of trying to displease them, if that makes sense

No. 360463

love u!

No. 361212

nonnas is this normal behavior for people? i was part of a reasonably large friend group last year at college, where we would all meet at a dorm lounge every night and study or party together. now that everyone's living in apartments this year the group has basically split just because of proximity. the thing is, when i try to hang out with the "other side" of the group they say they're busy, and when i ask to study with them i just get ghosted. i tried not to take it personally but last weekend i hosted an event and one guy bailed 10 mins before it started, only to post snaps 2 hrs later, in the group chat, of him partying with some of the people who said they were "too busy"
ive confided in a few others in the friend group about this and they seemed to feel more or less the same way, but didn't take it as a personal thing. i've been out of town for a week for thanksgiving, basically just having this problem on hold and its been really eating at me honestly

No. 361222

File: 1700980644020.png (22.16 KB, 444x302, gapyearplan.PNG)

I want to take a gap year after getting my Associates in the Spring of 2025 to save up some money. During this gap year I plan to work non-stop at two jobs (one that is a simple part-time job, and another that actually utilizes my degree) for a year to save up enough money to have enough cushion to rent an apartment with a rent ranging from $1,200.00 or lower for four years while getting my Bachelor's Degree, mainly because I want to experience living alone for my health and well being. I still plan to continue working when I pursue my Bachelors to support myself but I want to use a gap year to gain some savings to cushion myself for this experience. I've made a spreadsheet with several rough estimates of costs and gains. As such. I just want to know if this is feasible, some advice, a bad idea, and so on.

No. 361243

Sometimes people are just friends out of convenience with the people they were put together with in an educational setting and they move on once they graduate. It happens, I wouldn't take it personally.

No. 361260

Working two jobs is a scam you don’t even make overtime pay, never do that unless the part time job is insanely lucrative. If you want to work 60 hours a week find a job with overtime.

No. 361314

I am a larger girl and I’m vacationing in a very humid country. Where I live, it’s cold, so I can keep myself smelling relatively good by just showering daily and basic hygiene. But it’s humid and gross here, I don’t smell great even with twice a day showers and deodorant. Are there any tips that can keep me from stinking in hot, humid weather?

No. 361758

How do I feel like I'm good enough

No. 361785

Idk if it's available where you are on vaca right now, but for future reference you could try swiping your problem areas with the Stridex pads in the red box. They're super cheap and have AHA/BHA, so they kill odor-causing bacteria. I'm sensitive to deodorant, so I swipe my pits with them every morning instead and I don't smell all day, which I otherwise would

No. 361819

File: 1701288636490.jpeg (406.32 KB, 1600x1600, IMG_1803.jpeg)

These nona?

No. 361847

Does anyone know if dating apps are dangerous and also if it's even possible for find someone who isn't just looking to hook up? I'm really bored and all the guys at my new work don't seem interesting but OLD makes me kinda anxious. I don't know if I'm being dumb.

No. 361861

Dating apps are mostly used by low value dating partners who only want hookups. Don't waste your time and energy. Look for matchmaking services in your area and/or for your demographic.

No. 361867

If you can get your hands on a body wash or soap with bha/aha (cerave sa body wash or soap) or benzoyl peroxide (the best option tbh) it works really well. I've also been seeing good things about the ordinary glycolic acid toner, but it's quite strong so be careful. Idk where you are, but if you can find an acne wash that's quite strong any one of them could work.

No. 361869

My friend found her long term boyfriend that way after a couple years. She never used her real name even once, I think she just wrote [nobody] or something lol

No. 361878

Don’t use tinder. I actually don’t know any woman who uses tinder irl. It’s mostly a meme moneysink apps for horny desperate moids. Apps like bumble and hinge generally have more mentally stable men that are looking for something more long term. But overall I would never date someone who uses dating apps because I’d always be paranoid he’s still using them behind my back after we got together (and I’ve seen this happen quite a lot irl)

No. 361959

I've been looking at different types of Christianity and trying to figure out which one I resonate the most with. I feel connected to religion and want to meet my local communities but my mom won't let me go. I told her I wanted to go to an orchestra in a local church just to see what it's like but she immediately told me it's a cult and she doesn't want me to have anything to do with it. I know she's trying to protect me because she hated the church growing up and doesn't want me to feel the way/have the experiences she did but I honestly just want to take a look. I told her this but she said they'll try to make me convert once I set foot in there (I can see this honestly but if that happens I'll just leave). I feel very restricted, I don't want to fight with her because I know it's coming from a good place but I'm 20. I should be able to make my own decisions, I don't want to lie to her about going there but this way I'll never even be able to look around. How do I approach this? I've talked to her and explained my reasons but she stands her ground. I love her very much and don't want to lose her. I would never force my own beliefs on her or others, I just want to find my place whether that's with or without religion.

No. 361963

You can take back control by telling her you're going/went there if she asks and if she's difficult about it tell her "This is my choice as an adult and it's not up for discussion. I'm asking you to respect my decision as I respect yours." (or something along those lines that's comfortable for you to say) and don't engage in a discussion/fight. Absolutely don't try to justify your choice to go, that just gives her something to reply to and fight about. You've got to be firm and not allow any discussion: she's allowed to dislike your choice, but she's not allowed to control it. Leave the room if you have to.

That said, if you want a way around it, most churches livestream their services for free online.

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