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No. 347379
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How do you gain work ethic and drive? I’ve been out of work most of the year and thought it would at least motivate me to work on pursuing a career in a field I love. But all I do is just be sad and doom scroll. I’m so jealous of motivated people. Everyone around me seems highly motivated and they don’t burnout and if they do they just take a day off and get back to it. I literally can’t do that because one day off always ends up turning into a “fuck this job” rinse and repeat.
Im not even a bad worker either I got praised so much and I advanced a lot in the company at the last place I worked for. But there is something about someone telling me I’m good at something that makes me 2nd guess myself and stop doing whatever I’m being praised for. It’s not fair I feel like I wasted this whole year being a neet.
Has anyone else ever gone crazy and quit their good paying job and if so how did you get out of that slump and how do you prevent yourself from nopeing out of a job the second it becomes depressing? I just want to be an adult and I know I have to work but I’m tired of quitting. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.
No. 347523
>>347292Reach out to her OP, life is too short. But depends, was she a good friend who you enjoyed spending time with? I've reached out to friends I fell out with, some went well and some didn't even respond. I have no regrets, jusk yourself whats the worst that can happen.
>>347379One year is nothing nonna. You clearly have the ability and talent if you advanced a lot in your last job. Just say you went travelling if anyone asks about the gap in your CV.
No. 347555
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Can I ask anons what you think if you see someone with old self-harm scars? I used to cut myself for a long time and a lot of them are on my arms. I can't always cover them up and I don't want to get tattoos.
Do people notice scars like these or am I paranoid? I'm anxious every time I have to go out without long sleeves. Everyday I wish I had just cut on my hips and not my arms.
No. 347563
>>347555Same as
>>347561 I've self-harmed in the past but in a way that didn't leave scars so I also feel a kind of solidarity, but if the person's scars are super fresh or coldnessinmyheart tier I'd be concerned.
No. 347585
>>347577one of the AYRT, youre welcome and don't worry about it. people are mostly too concerned with whether others are looking at their pimple or something to even care about your arms. good luck with getting that job!
>>347581your statement is kinda vague, who are these people and what are they actually saying? anyway anon, you may unintentionally come off a little stand offish or uninterested in others. it's the little things. like when people talk, are you engaged or are you looking at your phone/obviously uninterested? do you accidentally come off as condescending when you give advice?
are you a part of any clubs/hang around on campus with friends, or do you go to classes and pack up without talking to anyone? no judgement here, we all know people can make weird assumptions about us for no good reason. i'm just wondering if you unintentionally do things that make people feel that way.
if i can give any advice, maybe joining some clubs would help, or making/joining a study group? i'm not well known in my uni, but if i am known for anything it's probably for sharing my notes or helping out in class groupchats.
No. 347598
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>>347288 how do i stop pulling my hair out?? i have ocd and compulsively pull at my hair. At this point I have a bald spot at the front of my head. I love to fidget so it's hard to stop. any other nonnies know good ways to deal w/ this?
No. 347663
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nonnas I just realized that I fell in love with a NEET what have I done.
No. 347867
File: 1694201514182.jpg (40.22 KB, 612x408, istockphoto-1193478045-612x612…)
how do you cut someone off who you know will go crazy and will curse you with candles and shit? they also consider their online friends ghosting them to be their greatest trauma and the source of their "abandonment issues"…
i know she will go insane so im actually considering to be so boring/annoying/whatever that she cuts me off instead? also i use this word super sparingly but i actually suspect she's a narcissist.
any advice about warding of the curses she puts on me are welcome too because im pretty sure she's been cursing me all along.
No. 347899
>>347867Its actually really easy. I had this exact experience once, and here's what I did.
>ex curses me and i find out>i briefly panic >i realize magic isnt real even if you add a k at the end>nothing happens for 2+ years and counting>problem solved Not only that but you dont even have any proof that she's cursed you so why worry. I can guarantee you its all in your head. This is a make-believe issue.
No. 347976
>>347947It just means you're unattractive or you've changed in style/demeanor coincidentally since metoo so you're less approachable by women and men who would've otherwise have conversations with you. Most women, myself included, still get compliments often and we're just average looking women. Metoo didn't stop anything, unfortunately. And sexual abuse rates are still high. Saying you never get asked out / complimented since metoo is ugly cope or mens right sperging.
>>347896You're fine. Men usually don't know how to compliment women unless they have a lot of female friends. Usually they'll compliment your outfit or hair if they're not retarded. If they're retarded, they'll creepily compliment stranger women to hit on them and get rejected a few times so give up.
No. 347979
>>347976NTA but your instinct to call that anon ugly because she said that a feminist movement had a positive impact on men's freedom to grossly comment on women publicly is so strange. She even said it's stupid of them to be scared because we all know they won't face any actual repercussions, but the point is the delusional
victim complex a lot of men have developed about women being out to accuse them does make them stop and think before they speak even though it's not out of respect.
>>347950Just cancel the room and book your own unless she rearranges for two beds. You still have time to establish that boundary. She was probably very nice and accommodating to you because she noticed you were nice and wanted to pull you in.
No. 347986
>>347979> you've changed in style/demeanor coincidentally since metooUp is is what I said.
>once metoo hit, a lot of men became genuinely afraid of being accused of being creeps/predators. which is fucking stupid but that's when i noticed random compliments didn't happen as much.>but in a "polite" social setting men avoid talking to me and seem afraid of meIs what she said. I didn't think her comment was about a positive change. Maybe I judged it wrong but I've seen a lot of anons blame metoo for men complimenting or approaching them less which I find to be untrue.
No. 347991
>>347896I'm attractive and maybe it's because I'm young but ime men don't actually approach you these days unless they're PUAs or delusional. I think it's worse the younger you are because guys are more and more porn addicted which somehow makes them scared of interacting with women??
My ex approached me but it took him over a month to get the courage to do it…
I really don't know what the deal is either but don't worry, you're not ugly because men don't approach you. Define your sense of self-worth on something else and you'll be happier.
No. 348969
>>348945you should probably sort out your issues before a bf. historically relationships haven't really fixed insecurity and mental health issues in women and usually are the cause of them worsening or being created to begin with, they're very entropic and rarely affirming.
as you are once you find someone you might feel like contorting yourself into an anorexic pretzel for his consumption. also, let's take the "men only value looks" thing at face value–if that's true then either try to find a unicorn or opt out of dating. over on 4chan they constantly go on about women expiring at 25 so if not weight there's that to contend with, kek.
No. 349015
>>348945Work on your body issues first and foremost, whether it's through therapy and/or diet and exercise.
>men simply will like you better if you're 120 lbs regardless if you're ugly or notYou know men have a variety of different preferences and that it truly doesn't matter to satiate them and gain validation from what some dick wants, right? Since you browsed 4chan and other various websites on the web, I'm sure you're aware of the massive amount of chubby chasers/fat fetishists/feeders etc. too. Ultimately, you need to work on your mental health and get that idea of men liking you a certain way out of your head. Fuck what they "like."
No. 349023
>>348945This won't be popular here, but as a fat woman I've never had trouble getting men.
I HAVE had to be more discretionary because my weight attracts unworthy men to me who think I will pick them because they, like you, have been memed into thinking fat women have limited options and are desperate.
But don't think shitty men aren't shooting their shots with women way out of their league too, it's just a reality all women have to face with the difference being us fatties have to fight against a social narrative that repeatedly tries to sell that we are shit and to settle for the worst of em.
So I've been told: I have a solid career, a great personality, friends, hobbies, homeowner, and I am mentally sane and responsible. You cannot fathom how desirable these traits become for men as you get older. Ironically, all the stuff we worked on when we thought our looks couldn't get us by are what draws men to us as we get older and the playing fields of looks start to draw even. I'm in my 30s, and while I still get the occasional loser it's amazing how many decent men have offered me a free place to stay, marriage, and kids.
It isn't over. You have to be confident and not let men take advantage of you.
No. 349031
>>348952yea nonna losing weight is very obviously my solution. i’m not mentally built to be fat and i almost envy other fat women who have the confidence as any other person. i’m what they call a “fatphobic fattie”.
>>348969>over on 4chan they constantly go on about women expiring at 25 4chan is a specific type of brain cancer and i know the stuff said there doesn’t actually apply in real life, but sometimes i cant help thinking that men are all truly like that at their core (having idealized, sexist dogmatic views on women)
>>348989i have and will keep losing weight. and yea im grateful that this problem is actually fixable and im more insecure with my weight than my looks, so there’s that
>>349015chubby chasers and feeders are abhorrent and my worst nightmare and yea ive seen alot of shitposts about ridiculously obese anime women. i can’t describe why but that fetish is probably one of the most sinister fetishes ive ever came across online (and ive seen alot).
>Fuck what they "like."being starved for male attention most my life has made me put them on a pedestal of sorts and i realize that now. i always think about that one meme where it jokes how men would literally rape an animal so seeking validation and attention from their species is ultimately very easy and not worth much
>>349023>fatties have to fight against a social narrative that repeatedly tries to sell that we are shitthis is the exact reason why i hate being fat and a driving force that makes me want to be a normal sixe, but its honestly relieving to hear that you’re able to receive attention from non-weirdo men and bottom teir losers. you must be a really pretty, beautiful soul if men are straight up asking you for marriage and kids
i’ve seen alot of fat/skinny couples who look happy, but i’d feel almost like a failure if i’m still fat by the time i get in my first relationship idk i really do have to go to therapy or something like other nonnas said. it’s definitely more of a me problem
No. 349318
>>349311If you're older than 25 I would suggest to try talk therapy again first. Your brain as a high schooler wasn't very capable of rationality then. Otherwise, go to a psychiatrist. The only thing that's going to suck about being on meds is that you'll be numb feeling, but have the motivation to do things. I personally didn't like being zombified and enjoying myself, but if you think of it as a temporary start to get in the right mindset, definitely go for it.
There's some self help books for all those types of therapy, along with YouTube videos of therapists who make videos about certain topics, it's helpful if you cannot go to a therapist ASAP. Self talk is also helpful. Please do talk to yourself out loud, it's one of the most therapeutic ways to find yourself.
No. 349490
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Hey nonnies. I'm not sure what's wrong with me. But if anyone relates, can I have some help?
>be me
>autistic kid
>weird and lonely most of life
>come from home with sadistic, gaslighting father, very autistic sibling who drives mother over the edge, who becomes depressed and hurtful, suicide attempting sister who moves out early, feel like i have no one
>gaslighted by family often
>school is miserable, violent towards me
>go days without talking to a human being unless im being harassed, severely isolated
>lose my sense of self, become addicted to daydreaming, start to feel detached from reality
ffw to now
>do funny drug and realise that i am a person, what the hell, i'm real, im alive, i am worthy of love because i love others, this is real
>come back to reality
>realise i struggle to accept that i am loved at all, even as i start to connect with people around me and am getting married soon, i never feel securely loved
>convince myself i am a terrible person, when actually, i am affectionate and loving, with a strong conscience
>attention seeking tendencies that i rarely act on
>think people hate me all the time
>withdraw from connections because i think im annoying
>feel pervasive guilt and worthlessness
>in between jobs, no irl friends my age, probably contributes to mental health (people my age are starting uni and stuff)
>feel this weariness for existence that i am way too young to be feeling
>full of rage, sometimes want to break things again, hurt the people who traumatised and humiliated me, terrified i may become abusive like my father
>often detached from reality and pretending to be normal to avoid stressing people out
Am I ruined forever? Do I still have life ahead of me? Can I get better from this? I want to feel real again. I want to remember I'm a person, after all the pain and humiliation, I want to identify with this body again. I want to feel energy, I want to know I am loved and accept it.
No. 349582
File: 1695313802640.png (392.84 KB, 605x905, foxblood.PNG)
Thoughts on this for a goth-ish engagement photoshoot? Also, what would you expect that the groom-to-be would wear? If I wear stripes, I wouldn't want him wearing any stripes, it's not his vibe anywhere. A touch of burgundy?
No. 349593
File: 1695316678032.jpg (173.17 KB, 1470x1000, him.jpg)
>>349582I hope you're marrying him
In all seriousness though I think you could have a small touch of burgundy or flowers somewhere. Maybe like, a brooch?
>>349585Should make it real blood actually
No. 349631
I need advice on whether or not to pursue doctoral grad school. My original plan was to go into a PhD program for psychology (which I am competitive for), I’ve done a lot of research and spoken to a lot of people who are currently in programs for clinical psych, and I realize that it might not be what I want. My biggest reason for being turned off on getting a doctorate is the fact that I will be living in basic poverty for about five years. Rent is extremely expensive wherever you go (even in smaller towns), and the salary that grad students make are basically poverty levels. So pursuing a doctorate degree for five or six years is basically subjecting myself to low wage the entire time, when, instead, I could probably just work towards the current career path that I have, and make money and live comfortably. However, my dream job is to be a therapist. The other alternative to becoming a licensed therapist could be a 2 to 3 year masters program, the only problem with that is that these programs are not funded and cost like 20 to 30 K and I would have to probably take out loans. Which I don’t want to do.
Another problem that’s turning me off on grad school is my age (24) and my future prospects of where I want to be; I want to get married, and have children before the age of 35. Obviously, that isn’t a strict timeline but I would like to find someone and get married and start a family around the next 10ish years of my life. I feel like a doctorate degree will make it hard for me to even find a boyfriend or a husband, let alone get pregnant and start a family.
I’m basically juggling my desire to find a husband and start a family and live a comfortable life with my desire to become a therapist. I know women have, and are doing both at the same time, but but I’m very torn and confused over what I actually want to do with my life. I do want a career in therapy, a solid and decent salary income, but I also want to be able to have the freedom to find a husband and start a family.
At the moment, I’m leaning towards pursuing a masters. But honestly, I’ve been flip-flopping between both ideas for the past two years. A masters cost money, but you graduate quicker and earn your license quicker and will be able to enter the workforce at a decent salary quicker. A PhD takes time, and additionally, you’re subjected to a low income style of living for the entirety of the program (unless you live in a double income household or have somebody supporting you). At the moment, I don’t have a significant other, I have a wonderful parents who would support me, but not to the extent that they would be able to help me pay rent, and living cost during the entirety of the potential PhD program. Also, I absolutely do not want to subject them into thinking they have to help me pay rent and live well into my 20s because they also have their own lives to pay for and retirement and all of that. I currently have a job and earn a modest salary, not a lot, but just enough to get by and save a little each month.
But yeah, sorry for the word salad. TLDR: I want to become a therapist, but I am juggling between the PhD route or the masters route, and also considering where I want my personal life to go in the next 5 to 10 years, and how grad school will affect that. I really would like any advice or insight that can help me gain clarity. And lastly, what I really envision, for my future is to be happily married with both me and my husband, making an income and pursuing careers we are both passionate in, and eventually raising a family.
No. 349835
>>349631I'm around the same age and same situation as you. I have a decent job right now with just a bachelor's but I'm also interested in going further in pursuing a PhD. I can either stay at this job with my current career progression, and eventually make 6 figures, but I also think a PhD opens up so many career opportunities that would be a dream job for me.
I don't know what the field is like for psychology but is "mastering ou" an option for PhD students? Like you apply to the PhD program first but change your mind midway so you just graduate with a Master's instead. This is often an option for research based grad programs and in this way you won't be in so much debt. If an advanced degree will help you lead to your dream career path then I would say definitely go for grad school! Grad school takes a tremendous amount of time, dedication, and sacrifice though so your life is basically put on hold. There's a reason why people I've met with PhDs only start having children when they're in their 40s. I also agree with the other anon who replied to you. A lot of people end up meeting their future partners and lifelong friends in grad school and at least this way they share the same values and work ethic as you. Would you rather play the dating app game trying to find a moid that's right for you or spontaneously find a life partner who will have the same values and goals as you? It seems like you're already sure of the kind of life you want so you just have to put yourself out there and achieve it. Good luck anon.
No. 349866
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Nonas, I need emotional advice about my sister. This is a really small issue, but it bothers me so much in the moment and I can't figure out why. When we hang out, in the evenings (every few months, we live several hours away from eachother), she will very abruptly stop the hang and announce she's heading to bed. To me, it feels rude and out of nowhere. I guess with other people I've hung out with there's more of a gradual wind-down before people leave or go to bed. But we'll be having a great time, laughing, watching silly TV, talking, and all of the sudden… she's like "I've got to go to bed, bye". I guess I can understand that obviously people get tired, but it's so abrupt. I end up feeling surprised and my feelings are hurt. I think I feel rejected and abandoned in the moment. It's like she shuts down the fun from 10 to 0 in one second. I know it's so silly but it really bothers me. Advice? Have you felt like this before (on either side)?
No. 349872
>>349866lmao I do that to my sister, she's never cared afaik but now I'm like damn am I hurting her feelings… ?But basically I don't feel the need to be tactful or polite with someone I'm that close to and comfortable with, and I'm usually tired long before I actually say I'm going to bed so by that point I'm dead on my feet. It's like, she's family and we grew up together so it feels normal to just go to bed whenever and not have to make my excuses or whatever like I would if I was ditching friends.
But you know her best, I'm a notoriously low energy introvert who goes to bed at 8 most nights and if she's not then maybe you're getting bad vibes for a reason. You could always just ask next time it happens.
No. 349966
>>349908I know you were joking (?) but I wouldn’t go hang out with other guys like that if I were serious about someone. He might hear about it and it might ruin his image of you… Someone might tell him you’re easy and have a habit of kissing strangers.
I’m insecure too, and might not tell that I don’t have experience. But I don’t think people need to have experience in these kind of things. It’s up to how comfortable you’re with him knowibg intimate things about you. He might think it’s cute, and you could learn together, haha
No. 350376
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How can I be okay with my own "type" of success?
It seems that, now more than ever, being ultra successful™ is all that matters. Having millions in assets or being famous one way or another, I feel so out of the loop. Like if I keep a standard job or I'm an artist, or a business owner I either gotta be grinding™ and hustling™ up in this to create an EmPIrE or some bullshit like that. It feels so strange and exhausting if I'm honest but it does affect me in a weird way.
For example my best friend still lives with her parents (no shame in that) but instead of saving or investing she is using all the money she gets from her job to go out, drink, maybe travel and have a good time (also no shame in that). But she does all of that for instagram and fomo, it makes me wonder "Is this normal? am I the abnormal one? Am I living my life wrong?". I don't believe in the retarded ape pyramidal hierarchy of "I gotta be #1 no matter what!1!" bullshit, but I see how it is affecting everything around me and to be honest is starting to make me feel very inadequate. Like I'm wasting my life, like I am supposed to aim for something "better", like I should have had my life fixed and ready for retirement at 35, is fucking insane. So how can I ignore all of that and stay on my lane? am I the retarded one? I don't think is wrong to want a chill life with a normie job and no travelling I hate travelling and experiences™ or insane "memories" or whatever. How can I manage this feeling of inadequacy towards unrealistic and impossible standards of success even tho they're hammered on the mainstream population on the daily?
No. 350379
File: 1695895454125.jpeg (128.69 KB, 1352x935, IMG_1328.jpeg)
>>350376You're not retarded, your life isn't wrong. All human beings have free will and we all choose what we want out of life. My advice is to centre yourself around your core values. Look at this list, choose the ones that are most important to you, and then come up with activities/choices/ways of thinking that reflect the chosen value. Then try to do some of those things. In this way you'll stay focused on what you love and what you actually want, and you'll have no need to compare yourself to others.
And about that comparison: are you under direct pressure to make choices you disagree with? If so, maybe reevaluate those relationships and perhaps quit social media. If the pressure is more indirect, like cultural osmosis, then it might help to learn about people past and present whose lifestyles are similar to what you have/would like to have. Plenty of people are homebodies, artists, introverts, just going slow. You will probably have to dig around for those people but they exist. You're not alone.
You already know what you believe in, you didn't fall into any inescapable traps, your life has the potential to unfold any way you want. Nobody can take it away from you either: your free will. They can grind and hustle and travel and fomo all they want— it has nothing to do with you. Those are their choices. It's frustrating to watch so many people doing the most and gaining the least, but this is the era we're living in right now. You cant control anybody else's mindset or opinions (including their opinions about your lifestyle) so just focus on you. Make choices that YOU are proud of.
Recap:
>focus on your own values>seek like minded people as friends and role models>serenity prayer No. 350403
Nonnas, I'm in a situation where my ex is still on the lease and I'm in a potentially dangerous position. Would my landlord be able to rekey the apartment since he's not living there anymore, but didn't have the money to get himself off the lease? He still has the apartment keys and kept them because he wanted to be petty due to me not letting him take something he gave to me because he changed his mind.
My best friend said she's worried I don't have a sense of self protection and I should deny him entry to the apartment even when I'm not at home, because he could be hiding in there or steal more of my stuff. He's been threatening suicide so she also sees the scenario of him being too chicken to kill himself and making me do it as a form of self protection because I own a gun.
He still hasn't picked up his pet, which should be in about a week. I just want him to take his pet and then I could rekey the locks. I just don't want him to try to pick up his dog when I'm not home and he finds out he can't enter and potentially destroys property to get to the dog and then gets upset with me even more.
I feel it's a complicated situation, if anything I'd rather bring the dog to him, but that still puts me at risk of him doing something right then and there, especially if I ask for the key. He can keep the mailbox key for all I care, he rarely ever checked it in the first place, but the priority is my life.
Once the dog is gone, he literally has no reason to be there.
Because of my best friends criticism, I was thinking of the fact that he knows where I work and even when I'm not at home, he could easily try to create a scene if he couldn't get access to his dog because the apartment is rekeyed.
No. 350427
>>350403I'm so sorry you're going through this. Here's what you can do. Contact your landlord immediately. Explain the situation to them and ask about rekeying the locks for your safety. Your safety is of the utmost importance right now. Do not put his dog before yourself. That's crazy,
nonnie. He basically abandoned the poor thing. Document everything and keep records of any threatening messages or incidents involving your ex. This info could be helpful in the future if he escalates the situation in any way. Keep your friends and family (if you're close) in the loop and develop a safety plan with them, including what steps you'll take if he enters the apartment without your permission or if you feel threatened. If you think your safety is at risk, call the police. I know it can feel like they won't do anything and it's useless, but trust me you will want a paper trail if anything escalates in the future. And if he continues to pose a threat to your safety, it'll be that much easier to get a restraining order. I know this is incredibly difficult, but you aren't alone and there are people who care about your well-being. Your safety is the most important thing right now. Please prioritize it.
No. 350587
File: 1696007158173.jpeg (243.04 KB, 1000x988, IMG_7901.jpeg)
sorry to ask such a stupid question amidst all of the loaded ones, but i hope its still ok i do so. i have been at my current fast food coffee job for 2 years now and i wont have my degree for another 1.5 years. im considering applying to be a library assistant because i feel itd look great on my resume (im between an academic career or becoming a librarian as i am an english major—hard to believe with my post heh im in a rush!)
my current fast food job is quite stressful and im very burnt out. i dont plan to move or get a career for another 1.5-2 years at least meaning id stay at this very job. im scared to leave incase the company positively changes, and the pay is decent compared to other jobs where i live. ($16-17 an hour depending on tips) but on the other hand i feel i really need some change and might adore the library environment. if im less stressed, im sure i could supplement the little income loss with more time to my side jobs since id have less stress.
pros of the library job/quitting current job would be:
- closer to home
- change, new environment
- less stress than fast food, doubt id have down time but if i did i can do homework
- good for resume and experience!
cons:
- no free coffee or opportunity for benefits (dont use any of them now at my current one)
- less flexible with time off (but i wonder if i let them know in advance if itd be ok?)
- id make $1-2 less than my current job
- job might be awful
thank you nonnies…
No. 350594
>>350587I went from retail to becoming a library assistant and it was the best decision I ever made. I started off part time and took a huge cut in hours/pay but the lack of stress was so worth it. I’m now full time and was able to move out with my pay, I have paid leave, paid sick time and healthcare benefits. Even at my busiest at work, there’s time to work on homework and personal projects. And even at its absolute worst, my library job is so comfortable and pleasant compared to what I considered mildly stressful days in retail and fast food.
Fast food companies will never get better nonna, you’re giving into the sunk cost fallacy. Plus you’re considering being a librarian. This will give you a taste of what it’s like and help you decide your eventual career path. Being a librarian has also been emotionally rewarding to me in a way fast food and retail could never ever be. I have a feeling doing Reader’s advisory, actually helping people with something meaningful, and just being around books all day would be great and a meaningful experience for you. Plus this diversifies your resume. I’ve had no problem getting time off when I let them know in advance.
I’ve met so many great people at this job and it’s the most fun I’ve ever had. I feel like I’ve found a career for life . Do not let free coffee and staying comfortable be a guide in this decision lol. Good luck!
No. 350767
File: 1696115121016.jpg (176.08 KB, 1080x1451, Screenshot_2023-10-01-01-00-30…)
I can never choose when it comes to colored items. Which bottle should I get nones?
No. 350840
File: 1696170956863.jpg (113.62 KB, 779x1095, IMG_20231001_163406.jpg)
>>350767I didn't notice there was a fifth variant
So it looks like the green one wins overall huh
No. 350908
File: 1696208016749.jpg (115.46 KB, 1280x720, maxresdefault (4).jpg)
Just found out I am pregnant. We had planned this but I didn't expect to get pregnant after the very first attempt. I feel unprepared even though that's not the case. I don't know how to feel about it. I am both happy and sad about how my life will change. Those who have gone through pregnancy please give me any tips or things you wish you knew.
No. 351876
>>351868i thought the university covered your health insurance? flying back home isn't an issue tho, and i'm generally healthy. also i don't plan on moving long-term to the us.
>>351869housing is very expensive and low quality due to lack of regulation. also the environment was not very pleasant, but then i lived in a college town.
sorry for double-posting.
No. 352458
I don't want to do anything because it sounds too mentally draining. Video games, exercise, reading a book, learning a language, watching a movie or show. I enjoy all of those things when I've done them, even though I think I could be doing something else more important, but stop after an hour if I ever star and never pick them back up. I'm on antidepressants and an ADHD medication. They lift my mood but I still don't want to do anything, even simple stuff, like I love pro wrestling and think I want to watch an episode but actually watching it and keeping up with it is exhausting and slightly boring. I suppose the main avoidance is feeling. Feeling is what exhausts me.
I mostly just listen to foreign music like an addict because it's quick, the noise drowns out my thoughts and the voices feel really, really soothing. If I know what they're saying, I get exhausted.. I usually listen while I browse Twitter and forums but can't keep even online friends because I find the commitment to talk and be interesting to someone who might lose interest too mentally draining also. I just want to hop from one thing to the other without going deeper even though my interests never really change and I like the idea of getting lost in a hobby. I wish I could press a pause button on life even though I don't have a life. I want a break but from what? Is this depression? Flakiness? Autism? Post traumatic stress? It's like I'm waiting to complete something from the distant past that I no longer can and I don't even mean that metaphorically. It's like I've got this hunger for something from the distant past to be repaired before I can continue, like I'm frozen in time and too deathly scared to move on until it's repaired. I thought of trying to complete video games and series I never got to finish as a child but I feel stuck to do anything, no matter what the idea is. I figured the ADHD medication would sort this but no. I really have no other ideas how to break out of spending hours a day listening to music and scrolling to disassociate and feeling actual fear about doing anything different. The two therapists I've had got frustrated I didn't do whatever they suggested because I go into that trance of staring at a screen and forget. Is it a good idea to get rid of my computer?
No. 352492
>>352458Are you literally me anon? I'm sorry, I don't have any real advice but I relate to every single point
Maybe it's good to start small and kind of regress? Anything's better than a scrooling addiction. I've kinda been thinking about trying to rediscover the things I liked before becoming a depressed husk that used internet to cope (aka when I was a young child)
No. 352651
File: 1697135230896.jpg (42.63 KB, 705x1000, 61t8ycmst6L._AC_UY1000_.jpg)
This might be a fun piece of advice to discuss: what should I pack in my airport survival kit?
The basic rundown is that I'm going to be making semi-regular trips from Ireland to Oklahoma. This means I will need to take an 8 hour flight from Dublin to Chicago, potentially spend between 5 to 14 hours in that airport, take a flight to Oklahoma, and then of course make this trip a second time coming home to Dublin. Tdlr I essentially need to fit 24 hours worth of needs into a backpack separate from my suitcase.
Side information: I'm not particularly big or strong and I struggle with heavy luggage. If you have suggestions for small/light items that can make a big difference I'd be so grateful
No. 352734
>>352651Besides what the other anon suggested, it might be nice to take one of those inflatable pillows and maybe a light blanket if it fits in your backpack. Even if you aren't going to straight up sleep, if you're spending 24 hours in total you might want to make yourself comfortable and wrap yourself up/rest your head at some point.
Also ymmv but bringing a small sketchpad and some stationery along can be a great way to entertain yourself when you want to take a break from reading or digital entertainment. You could also take a couple of tea bags or instant coffee satchels with you, plenty of airports have places where you can get hot water for free so you won't have to spend money on overpriced drinks and it'll take up very little backpack space.
No. 352788
nonas, i need to get my ex back. he left me when i got depressed and went to a psych ward. he says i'm not fit to be a mother and that we're not compatible. he messaged me 3 months after the break up, asking for feet pics. (he's submissive) i scolded him (he probably secretly enjoyed it), but then we chatted with each other for hours and he obviously misses the sex. so i teased him and insinuated i would do fwb. we talked about rules and such and we wanted to meet up tomorrow. but today he told me he's not sure, because he's afraid he might develop feelings again. for me, that's a good sign that i still have a chance to be with him again, as moids fall in love through waiting for sex. you may ask why i want him back. well, he can offer me a stable lifestyle. he's clean and tidy, has a job and can cook. he's also very social, which i'm not. i need such a person in my life. and tbh i enjoyed that he is submissive, because i hate abusive dominant men. thing is, i'm not sure to make him believe i have changed. we're visiting the zoo tomorrow. (he has to take me on dates, one of the rules) tbh i haven't changed much, but i'm taking antidepressants and started going to uni again. please help
No. 352793
>>352788anon I' sorry you're going thru all that but he has so many red flags I can't in good conscious give you any tips about that
>random neg about motherliness>asks for fetish pictures shortly after a break up>asks for fetish pictures when he KNOWS you were in such a bad state as to go to a psych ward>provokes you into sexually titillating him>wants to use you for sex>you want a relationship with him and so one of the conditions of this fwb you want is DATES>blatant bait with the "uwu im scawed i might catch feewings for you". classic rutting moid tactic>you dont even like him that much, you like the qualities you want to have. trait-osmosis isn't a thing, you'll just be wasting your time and getting heartbrokenalso submissive men can be
abusive too, it doesn't matter what he likes in bed when he's pulling the same sex pest tactics that ~dominant~ ones do
No. 352807
>>352788Agreed
>>352796. This guy is only thinking of himself when you need your space to get yourself right. He's manipulating you and has no long term plans for the two of you. Move on to a better guy.
No. 352861
>>352860>He was very sweet about it I can totally imagine him being so sweet telling you're basically a filthy whore for his puritanical standards.
>how do I move forwardcommunicate your body count immediately when you start dating and remove yourself if there are any red flags. if they say anything like your ex said, calmly remove yourself out of the relationship because this moid will never forget about it and is probably obsessed with the idea. also most likely he consumes redpilled content and that's where he got the idea of body count being a terrible thing to begin with. normal men don't expect you to save yourself for the perfect person, because that's retarded and delusional.
No. 352863
>>352861Under normal circumstances this wouldn't have even been a question but it's different now. I've dated my fair share of men and the more experience you have, the better you get to know them. They'll lie about not watching porn, they'll ogle other women, they'll have secret Instagrams, tik toks and twitter accounts to simp for e-whores, they skimp on all the chores and they'll gaslight you into thinking its you whose the problem and they deserve all the hatred and the pain they get. I know this and I hate it. I resent myself for being a heterosexual and if I had the choice, I'd die a asexual spinster. But this little shit actually is different. We started off as acquaintances and I was a little suspicious of his 'pick-me' tendencies because it felt like he was consciously modelling himself to be the perfect friend but even after all that work I put in, observing him, asking around, I couldn't find anything negative or incendiary about him. He didn't consume anything from the manosphere, no PUA content, none of those misogynistic rant channels, nothing. He and I were friends with the same people and among them he had a reputation for being a reserved but reliable and compassionate individual. Hell there were even times where he helped me out, without even hoping for a recompensation.
That's the reason for why I am so frustrated. If he consumed anything
problematic I would've had a legitimate reason to detest him but I don't. I just don't know what to feel except be sad. I know nonas will hate me for this and they're absolutely right to do so but I genuinely don't think he's as bad as the rest.
No. 352866
>>352860>I resent myself for being a heterosexual and if I had the choice, I'd die a asexual spinster.Same anon. It's terribly slim pickings for straight women who don't tolerate porn watching partners and then they've still got to be decent and you've still got to match in so many other ways.
I can understand not hating your ex for having that opinion since he at least has hold himself to the same standard.
No. 352868
>>352860Did you ever have sex with him? If you did he’s being a hypocrite and you dodged a bullet. If you didn’t then I guess that’s just really important to him, which is unusual
(its also gross to want a virgin, sorry, I can’t get past that) and he should have told you sooner if he cared. Either way sounds like an incompatible situation, even if you think he’s a nice guy you shouldn’t be with someone who changes their whole opinion of you and the relationship based on how many people you had sex with in the past that’s kinda fucked.
> it made him feel that we had different expectations for what constituted as intimacyBut is that even true? I feel like this guy got in your head and decided what you thought. Just because he is/was a virgin doesn’t make him more pure and loving than you. Don’t listen to what he has to say about sex, he doesn’t understand. You have more experience than him in this area and it’s your life not for him to judge.
maybe you can just say “ok if that’s what you really think” and then keep tabs on him until he goes through a hoe phase himself then scoop him back up lol No. 352869
>>352868Samefag: I’m just kidding with the spoiler at the end don’t do that it’s unhealthy.
I had a boyfriend like this and I thought his way of thinking was fucked but he knew I had sex with multiple people before him unlike his first virgin girlfriend. We didn’t break up over it, I just told him that he was being stupid and let him say all his retarded beliefs and went “hmm” and he got over it surprise surprise. Then later I reminded him of the worst things he said and he denied it and looked alarmed I remembered which I thought was funny. I know that doesn’t sound healthy either but whatever, he never got in my head about it and I never felt ashamed so it didn’t bother me. People are idiots.
No. 352876
>>352866Exactly. If they're virgins its not by choice and they'll probably resent you for enjoying yourself even when you commit yourself a 100% to them. They have all these theories about approaching women but not one of them has sought to correct his manners and ideology so it hurts a lot when you finally do get to meet someone you can respect and consider an equal only for them to do something like this.
>>352868>>352869>Did you ever have sex with him? No we didn't have sex. We spent most of our time talking, enjoying each other's company but we did kiss and hug a little and he was fine with that.
>(its also gross to want a virgin, sorry, I can’t get past that) I don't want a virgin haha, I actually didn't know he was one by the way he carried himself and how he looked. I was under the impression that he had a range of experiences under his belt but I guess I was wrong
>he should have told you sooner if he caredIn hindsight that's the proper way to approach something like this. At least then I wouldn't have wasted time committing to a relationship
>you shouldn’t be with someone who changes their whole opinion of you and the relationship based on how many people you had sex with in the past that’s kinda fuckedIs it though? I am not trying to be argumentative. 99.9% of males don't deserve to receive that sort of compassion but if someone with his qualities has committed himself to an ideal like this I don't know if I can consider that an entirely bad thing. Of course its terrible for us because well, he doesn't think what I have to offer is valuable but in general I can't really make an informative comment.
>I feel like this guy got in your head and decided what you thought. Just because he is/was a virgin doesn’t make him more pure and loving than youYou've hit the nail on the head. This is the thing thats fucking me up the most. If he called me a whore or a slut or someone who liked putting out, I would've been fine with that because those sorts of labels show just how he sees women and relationships in general. However by framing this as me bringing a sort of enfeebled affection to the relationship, he's able to get into my head. Basically it reads to me as someone saying that they were loyal to their ideals whereas I 'settled'. I HATE feeling like this and I hate that this stupid comment has power over me but because I respect his intelligence ruminating about this only makes me feel worse. If we met at a bar (I don't go to bars or clubs) or if he was some rando I decided to have sex with (which I also don't condone) I would've understood because he's a dumb scrote being used as a toy but we built up a rapport before committing so there's a part of me that isn't willing to acknowledge that he could be wrong.
>I’m just kidding with the spoiler at the end don’t do that it’s unhealthyYeah I knew, good one nona!
>Then later I reminded him of the worst things he said and he denied it and looked alarmed I remembered which I thought was funnyOf course he thought you forgot. That's what they all think, that they've pulled the wool over our eyes, as if anybody could ever forget a comment like this. Amazing really, how they're all the same.
>People are idiotsI know and I feel like the biggest one.
No. 352888
>>352876>I don't want a virgin hahaI didn't mean you, I meant him! It's gross of him to want a virgin. Like, best case scenario he's just insecure about his experience? but he sounds like he actually believes stupid bullshit about virginity.
>Is it though? It is.
No. 352896
>>352888Haha my bad, feeling a little ditzy today. Honestly nona I think I understand. Sex changes the relationship, makes it a little more intimate because you've established a physical bond. You've seen each other naked, you've seen them at their most vulnerable, their flaws are laid bare in front of you. To hold someone, to feel their touch and kiss them and to be kissed, desired and loved. I understand where he's coming from.
Why do you think it's weird for a virgin to want a virgin though? I think it's normal.
No. 352901
>>352898Um, i think the guy is kinda right? virgins and sexually active people have different experience levels, like
>>352900 said it could be hella embarrassing i know i would feel the same, as a virgin myself, i would feel strange with a person with far more experience than me. Plus, as far as i'm concerned he wasn't even rude about it, he simply said it wouldn't work
No. 352911
>>352905Oh my god. Okay. You’re reaching way too hard for a reason. He broke up with you for not being a virgin, whatever the possible underlying reason it’s over now. Wish you didn’t let it get to you this much, clearly you liked him. Sorry he wasted your time, hope the dates are a nice memory.
> advice on how to intelligently react to this sort of information and how do I move forward?Take his words at face value as what HE feels and don’t take it as a personal criticism on you. This is a him issue. He ended the relationship before it got sexual because of his own opinions/beliefs/whatever. Close the chapter in your life on this, this is how it ended, it only takes one person to break up. As for moving on there’s specific advice in the Breakups thread
>>>/g/121656 No. 352922
>>352860IMO his reason was perfectly
valid. He didn't feel comfortable, that's it. He didn't call you a street walker, he didn't say it was gross, he just didn't feel comfortable. I'm a woman and I would also dump a guy with a high body count because I don't think I'd ever be able to be okay with it. I want to be with someone who I can relate to and feel equal to. I don't think that's a bad or unreasonable thing.
No. 352965
>>352962why would i dump him? i want this man in my life. if he develops feelings again, i would obviously date him. and no, he's not playing me. i'm literally in control, because he wants something from me only i can give him? i mean, this is power play. i was the weak one, but he gave me an opportunity to change that and i took it. i already lost him, so i don't have anything to lose. clearly, i'm a bpdchan, but i'm not stupid. as i said, i'll update and maybe i'll be heartbroken again, but well that has happened many times before, so idc anymore. the benefits outweigh the cost atm
No. 353213
File: 1697418331088.jpg (17.79 KB, 275x155, 1648516636299.jpg)
hi nonnies I'm at a loss. so, I've not felt great in many ways for years, but I've been off lately. Bad headache, delirium, extreme fatigue, on/off high fevers (102), and a feeling that…resembles sickliness but also feels distant that's very localized to my head? my doctor actually surprise diagnosed me with a sinus infection during my last visit which was a surprise because it feels nothing like the ones I had years ago (nose on fire, stuffy, runny; now it feels like nothing), but didn't do anything about it. I've now felt like this for over a month now and I'm not sure what to do because obviously my doctor is no help. also I do have allergies but I don't know why they'd suddenly get much worse.
No. 353513
>>353497It's terror, Nona, the fear of not knowing, of wanting to protect her but feeling powerless. Assuming she's passed on, you and all of her friends will grieve her. You'll need to rely on each other and on your family and community for support. No matter the outcome of her attempt, try learning about suicide and why people do it. There are many documentaries and YouTube videos about this. And if she's alive, God willing, you will have the opportunity to ask her yourself.
This is a traumatic event you're experiencing, and the road going forward is a difficult but survivable one. In time you will be fine. Keep your head up, and always, always remember how much you love her.
No. 353553
File: 1697610806437.jpg (49.92 KB, 564x711, tumblr_de5a9c080ff79c0c0c7d927…)
My best friend is poorfag and trying to move out from her crazy mom's house. I've been willing to throw a few hundred $ at her every now and then and it's not a big deal for me since I'm pretty fortunate, but tbh I don't really feel comfortable with this anymore.
She's had this sort of entitled attitude, like telling (not asking) me to give x amount each month and being kinda impatient if I forget, and not really being appreciative? Like she just mutters thanks and moves on. I'm not trying to hold debts against her or expecting grand displays of gratitude or anything but it does feel a bit crappy that she acts like it's just expected and mundane.
Also we have tiny little "disputes" over nothingburgers sometimes, maybe it's my fault or maybe it's hers, it's not a big deal but it doesn't feel good forking over money under this kind of vibe. This part's hard to describe in brief.
I dunno, should I tell her that I want to stop? I feel bad because that money is huge to her and barely anything to me. But it's less about the money and more about feeling like she's treating me like an ATM. What should I say?
No. 353563
>>353556I've known her since I was a kid so we're pretty good friends. But she's sort of weird in that… usually when we hang out in person she is so warm and loving and considerate, yet most of the time when I talk to her in a call or in texts she's suddenly like a jaded bitter person. I don't really get it. I feel like she just gets into these zones where she's insensitive, maybe I will try to talk to her about it.
She's made rude wealth-related comments about me before but I've always brushed it off because she's not the only person who has and they were one-off things. I try to be understanding about that kind of remark because I know money is a sensitive topic for many people.
No. 353711
>>353654this is not the first time i catch them giggling like high schoolers after i either speak in class or present. i try to chalk it up to it being a coincidence until today when i got confirmation from a friend that they are behaving that way.
after our presentation, she caught them both giggling and nudging each other like "go ahead, ask questions" so she spoke up and said "any questions, [name]" to which they both shut up
No. 353810
File: 1697745305778.jpg (143.79 KB, 800x450, ourexpectations.jpg)
This might sound fucking stupid but do any nonnas have experience working with zoomers?
My industry went pretty sideways over the pandemic, I freelanced for a few years, but decided to go back to school and change careers now that I have downtime. The program I'm in is great for me, but the younger students in it are nightmares. I went in pretty naive thinking making friends would be beneficial since a lot of us are older, but the same group of kids has actively gone out of their way to trash each other, myself, my acquaintances, and everyone else around them, including professors. The issue finally made it all the way up administration since they went after a professor.
Normally I'd take "lmao ignore it" as the go-to, but from an administrative standpoint there's a lot of weird threats that not being "likable" is going to ruin job prospects. From experience, I know that's a load of shit unless it's losing people money. Seems there's a huge push for performative niceness and social media clout instead of actually doing the work. Tons of classes got dumbed down no thanks to complaints. Should I even try to socialize? I'm sick of the utterly petty drama, but I'm worried that keeping to myself is just going to lead to the same fucks reporting me for some made-up nonsense.
It's a fucking tech field.
>>347379I know this is late, but this is kinda what I'm trying to fix now. Only problem with going back to school and certain jobs is they know if you're more experienced, you might be a flight risk. You don't "need" them. The last office job I had was one I quit due to horrendous management and bad environment, and I beat myself up for it for years, even though they were hemorrhaging money with or without me. Best advice I have is to keep yourself busy however you can.
No. 353982
Based nonnas, if you could help me out with this very convoluted situation, I’d appreciate it. I’m nervous about telling people IRL and don’t think Preddit is going to be of much help. Saged because this is so long — I’m sorry, I’ve just been freaking out.
> Choose Dr. Anon for a high-level English course due to outstanding RateMyProfessor reviews and word-of-mouth compliments
> Starts out great — he’s funny, knowledgeable, and the class material is interesting
> Midterms come
> It is no longer great
> It starts with him asking me to stay after class; the first time, it was to say I did great on his exam which I appreciated, but he starts packing on compliments to the point of it being strange
> He continues asking me to stay after class only to talk about his personal life and ask about mine. He’s mentioned his divorce, the size of his house, his hobbies, and concerts he’s going to (one of which was one of my favorite artists, though I don't think he knew/knows, but he offered a free ticket to me)
> I get a C on a paper that I thought I did super well on, so he had me stay after class and said if I wanted help, we could meet up for coffee. When I say I’m too busy during the day, he says he’s available after hours and gives me what is presumably his personal phone number
> In class, he makes jokes that are really embarrassing to me and only me. I mention I'm on a pre-law track and to that, he jokes in front of our class that "women [in law school] have it easy, just wear something short". I exclusively wear dresses and skirts below my knees, so I feel that it’s a targeted comment. Additionally, I'm in a sorority, and he proceeds to ask if I "party with boys" or if I'm "good" while I’m wearing my sorority letters. Both times, the class goes awkwardly silent after a few chuckles and everyone looks at me
> For academics, he gives me A's even on papers that I know aren’t my best work (even though I try my hardest); I’ve gotten all A’s save for that one C, when I definitely deserved some B’s or C’s because of how rigorous the course it
> When I've been walking to class or skating on campus, he'll stop me to talk to me, which has happened about six times
> Once, I’m at a coffee shop with my friend (let’s call him Joe). Dr. Anonymous pulls out a chair to sit next to me at a two-person table, talking about weird personal stuff like he always does, until Joe comes back and Dr. Anonymous awkwardly leaves
> While he's had no issues talking to me in front of other women, he leaves me alone when Joe comes over, who has more muscle/bulk than him. This is what really starts making me think it is sex-based
It's been making me dread going to class, dread walking around campus, and it’s been affecting my personal relationships with my peers in the section. Several are spreading rumors that I’m sleeping with Dr. Anonymous, and others invite me to their study dates because they think he gives me exam answers (one of my friends, “Anne”, is friends with a peer in the course, “Mary”, and Anna told me that Mary said that’s the reason I’ve been invited so much). My dilemma is that this is purely emotional/mental. He has never touched me sans quick pats on the shoulder and hasn't said anything outwardly malicious. I don't want to ruin his career if I’m overreacting, but it's been stressing me out and causing me to think of transferring because I think he’s going to keep trying to talk to me when I’m done with the class. Even if I'm not overreacting, I feel like people won't believe me because of how well-loved on campus he is. Whenever I’ve mentioned that I think he’s weird, everyone goes “ohmergurshwhy he’s so niceee and funnie!!!” and that’s making me feel like it’s all in my head. Nonnas, what do you think? Is this a Title IX situation? Any advice generally? Thank you ♥
No. 354048
>>353982report him!!!!!!!!! write a list of all the incidents you can remember and their dates/times/general times of day. if there are any texts from classmates or your sleezeball creep prof then screenshot them and back them up somewhere for good measure.
good luck anon, none of it was, is, or will ever be your fault.
No. 354049
>>353982Even if the rest of this wasn't creepy as hell, you could get him on
>women [in law school] have it easy, just wear something shortalone. Take him down. i'm sure you're not the first person he's done this to.
No. 354061
I have a bf who is kind, loving, stable etc but the problem is I’m not physically attracted to him at all. I was attracted to him at one point but we’ve been together 3 years now and my already weakish attraction to him just kind of fizzled out completely in the last 6 months or so. Its gotten so bad I feel like I’m being raped when we have sex, even though he would never want to have me. That’s just how unattracted I am to him.
Problem is I’ve realized I’m kind of madly in love with another man who I work with and have grown very close to in the last 2-3 months. I feel incredibly attracted to him, he is extremely amusing and charming, and he does some things for me which I find sweet, even if they’re just small gestures (like remembering to buy me a coffee when he gets one for himself) The other problem is he can’t give me anything my bf gives me because he’s pretty broke, admits he never wants a relationship again (his ex broke his heart and he’s still not over her) he’s a commitment phobe as a result etc.
Basically he flirts with me constantly but told me not to get involved with him because he isn’t ready to love anyone else again anytime soon. I feel like I get emotionally hit and quit by this man every time we interact and he knows how to make me want him more while also making himself unattainable to me, probably narcissistic tendencies or whatever.
I feel so stuck because I’m in a loveless relationship with a great guy, while also being in love with a guy who toys with my emotions and attraction constantly. So I have nowhere to move. I know the right thing to do would be to break up with my boyfriend until I’ve decided what to do next, but we’re caught in a very codependent situation atm where I’m basically his only support network and he’s also mine, and I don’t know if I can even support myself financially without his help. I don’t know what to do nonas. This feels like a complete stalemate and I’m miserable.
No. 354100
>>354061>and I don’t know if I can even support myself financially without his help.There's your first step to get out of this stalemate. Calculate your monthly income and spendings and figure out if you can support yourself on your own, assuming you meant the "I don't know" literally. If you can't support yourself there's your next step to work on. Don't be idle, take action.
And
>>354067 is right, stay away from the guy at work. He sounds like trouble. You're obviously in an unsatisfying relationship you need to get out of, but don't be blinded by a new and exciting crush either.
No. 354182
File: 1697935150085.jpg (41.67 KB, 612x500, 440zvf.jpg)
I hate men and I think that's probably bad. The only man I don't hate is my husband and that's because he's been actively working on not being a total piece of garbage and it took me years to fully get over myself and trust him. I hate all my male co-workers and it's difficult for me to take their opinions on anything seriously. I can't enjoy male lead movies, podcasts, books etc.
My question is, how do I get over this? Being distrustful of men makes sense, but the level of vitriol I feel towards men doesn't feel normal.
How do you all work and function around men? How do I stop hating them? I don't want any male friends but I would like to listen to their opinions without feeling my skin crawl.
Mods please don't ban me, I'm trying to stop being a manhater.
No. 354192
>>354182Men feel the same about women but with the added bonus of horrific sexual and violent impulses, why should you stop when they never have and never will?
I do get wanting to be neutral about those around you, especially if you work with them. Sounds more like you need to cultivate some calm and inner peace rather than start respecting their opinions, as long as you don't get too worked up about moids it's ok to not take them seriously.
No. 354193
>>354182Can you try to take your coworker's opinions as a "stopped clock is right twice a day" kind of thing? Just suspend disbelief for however long it takes him to talk, practise active listening so you don't get lost thinking about how much you hate him. Afterwards you can decide if his input has any value with a more informed opinion. When you feel yourself boiling with rage, take deep breaths to steady yourself, you can look up specific exercises online. Excuse yourself if you have to, with the express purpose of calming down and returning to the situation with a more stable presence.
As for male created or centered media idk what to tell you since most of it sucks. Personally I don't even bother unless the thing is really popular and many, many people attest to its quality. Do you want to seek it out on your own? Are your loved ones exposing you to it? Knowing your motivations here helps. The coworker thing was more straightforward.
I think your rightful outrage at the havoc men wreak upon our world and innocent lives has turned into a
toxic kind of anger. Maybe I'm misunderstanding you or overestimating its effect on your life, but anger and hatred at this scale mainly damage the one who holds it. Unlike moids you're not externalising your rage through rape, murder, and arson, so it just festers inside. You can let it go and feel your soul get lighter.
This doesn't mean you should love men or trust them, but for my own sanity I always strive for indifference. Otherwise I find myself getting preoccupied with negativity rather than enjoying my life. You can also channel the energy into more productive, life-affirming things like uplifting the voices of your female colleagues, or… idk kickboxing. The world is your oyster.
No. 354194
>>354192ayart Thanks! I don't get too worked up by it, I just feel a bit guilty about it. Like how you said that men do the same thing, thinking I had anything in common with sexists really bothered me. You're right though, I don't do any of the awful things that men do, and I don't even really speak my true feelings outside of this site.
I got worried about it because an acquaintance recommended a male-hosted podcast to me and I was like "oh I only listen to women-hosted podcasts" and she told me I had some internalized misogyny to work out. When I asked and admitted my feelings to my therapist she told me my thoughts were not normal and that my thought process is just an unhealthy response to the world i live in / just as bad as men who hate women. She is older and has said some other
sus things, so I think its time to find a new one. Thanks everyone for the thoughts. Glad I'm not alone.
No. 354202
>>354193ayrt. Sorry for the double reply, I saw this as I posted my other response.
Thanks that's really helpful! I'm very lucky that in my new workplace both my director and supervisor are women and I only work with a few men. My old workplace was a very typical sexist tech job and that's where a lot of my resentment comes from. I don't externalize it at all outside of just not having male friends outside my husband, him and I have a good relationship and he really tries to not be annoying.
I think I was overestimating my own hatred based on what my therapist/acquaintance said - so thanks! I'll def try out some kind of stress-relieving workout, right now I just do HIT but something like kick-boxing sounds fun.
>>354196didn't they used to ban pink-pill threads?
No. 354449
File: 1698052324346.jpg (591.58 KB, 1080x796, 20230213_174945.jpg)
How to turn envy and comparing yourself to others into inspiration?
I struggle a lot with comparing my self to other females who I find attractive and whose aestethic I adore. It'd be easier if I could accept how I am and appreciate my own good qualities appearance-wise but it is hard.
No. 354473
>>354449Sounds like you feel unattractive and/or don't have the features you like. I'm gonna tell you that if you're a woman (i mean a real woman, not a troon), there will always be some things you or other people will find "undesirable" about you, and honestly, imo male attraction to women is based more about conformity than personality or even outer beauty. For example, Amber Heard would be considered extremely attractive by most standards, but after her case with Depp, men have been calling her mid and ugly, because she dared to speak out against her abuser. Also, If Heard so much as dared not to shave and grow out her natural body hair on her legs, armpits or pubic area, men would also find that extremely unattractive, because she isn't bowing down to male standards and isn't appealing to male desires. So if I were to give you adivce that I think really applies here, forget the appearance stuff and focus on things that you can do instead of look like - take up a hobby, study hard, go travel, meet new people, develop your personality. Also, look into radfem lit related to beauty. That's truly the ticket to forgetting this appearance-related sadness.
But if you want to truly change how you look, I can't convince you that it isnt important to you.
There are only two camps of things in your appearance - things you can change (clothes, fat %, muscle tone, posture, attitude) and things you cannot (body fat distribution, bone/body structure, facial features (unless you want to get PS, which im not gonna advise for), skin tone and color, etc).
There are many ways to approach these two camps, you can make a "like/dont like/can change/cant change" chart and act accordingly towards it, but that wont address your underlying problem.
Your first step should be accepting yourself. When you accept yourself you have a much better idea of what its possible for you to look like. When I was anorexic, I desperately wanted to be thin and androgynous looking. I was aiming for a standard that simply was not ever possible for me to achieve, because my bone structure is wide and curvy, and im very fleshy. So I aim just to be the best-looking me I can be. I think it would help you to know what body or facial features you have that aren't dependent on weight for how they look (i.e. you might have visibly high cheekbones even when you gain weight) and try to accept those. For me, it was reading about and watching films of Marilyn Monroe, Liz Taylor, Susan Sarandon and other women with my body type. Might sound stupid, but it worked and I like my body now.
After you feel like you accept your looks, its time for you to develop your own desired traits. This could be clothing style or even body features - you can change your silouette with enough muscle training or just clothing. What do you like about the features of the women you're envious of? What do you admire about them? What can you do to be more like them in those aspects? Half, if not more of the work here will be done AFTER YOU START ACCEPTING YOURSELF, because jealousy is only really possible when you feel like something others have is unattainable, or that your position is inherently worse than theirs (as in, their looks are 'obviously better' than yours).
I wont write more because this post is long enough, but basically, I'd recommend you read some radfem lit and get hobbies, or accept yourself and do things that can actually change what you want about your appearance.
No. 354532
>>354473Thanks a lot for your response!
I'd like to emphasise that I honestly do not care about male attention, my point was that I myself am not happy with the way I look. I know that was not your point at all, I'm just clarifying in case I expressed my self a bit poorly earlier on.
But you gave some really good advice, since the problem really is that I'm obsessed with a bunch of girls who don't look like me facial structure-wise etc. and have been feeling awful about it. In the end, the problem is that I don't appreciate my own features and I definitely did feel like women who look different from me objectively are much more attractive.
(I also have to add that I know it's not wise to compare yourself to someone's pics on IG/other social media, we all know how much people photoshop/use filters/makeup/angels/etc. to showcase only the best version of themselves online)
In the end, appearance is quite a trivial thing, even if you care about it a lot.
No. 354634
>>347288Have somebody struggled with your family opinions about your academic situation? I deeply appreciate any advice to overcome the pressure of disappointing my mother. Mostly if you come from a Latina/strict mother experience.
I've failed the only class I was taking this year, this is some of the 2 pending ones before graduating, I'm doing the final exam for another one during February next year.
I already talked with my mother, she really sounded disappointed at me but not as bad as I imagined. I feel a really big pressure from her, since she graduated around my age (23~24, I'm some weeks away from having 25) and she was expecting me graduating this year or even way before during pandemic.
It's not like im a slacker,most of the times I'm at home prepping the meals for her and my brother or taking care of pets and chores plus maintaining freelancer work. Even I help financially with that.
Even knowing that I cannot be and do everywhere the pressure is sickening me and I wanted to know if someone else had a similar situation like mine who can share their piece of advice about it. Thank you and I apologize the wall of text.
No. 356221
>>355679this
>>355680You could also try joining an adult teamsport, a book club, a hiking club, stuff like that. Or Bumble BFF.
>>356216What's the point? It's not like people won't see your new face irl.
No. 356342
File: 1698904478818.jpg (19.49 KB, 305x300, image2.jpg)
My mom called two hours ago to ask me if I'd tutor my (step)nephew in order to catch up on 30+ assignments and help him pass for this period despite supposedly failing two grades but getting passed onward anyway. Supposedly, one of my mom's customers at the store suggested I do it since I was so smart in school that it'd be a no-brainer for me to do it. According to mom, he doesn't focus on his work, but I get why he might be struggling to focus: he has three younger siblings that make things chaotic, and his homelife is rough since his parents (my brother and sister-in-law) haven't been on good terms lately, and thus haven't been able to agree on a way to help him. That whole family is moving back into my mom's house for the winter months as well, where my mom is unhappy with the setup since her and the sister-in-law (her daughter-in-law) do not get along at all. I've been critical to the three adults that live there that they need to get along for the sake of the children, but they won't listen to me. Now, my brother is taking EMT classes and my sister-in-law was aiming for a job, which makes them pretty much unavailable if she gets the job.
Back to the nephew, I recognize that both family and school have failed him and that he shouldn't be left to flunk. But I am absolutely sure that I'm not qualified for it. I'm not as patient as I should be when it comes to students, as I do have experience with trying to tutor kids. I also struggled with my own schooling as I got older despite being in advanced/G-T classes. Finally I'm just not real jazzed to give up 4 hrs after a 9-5 to tutor someone given I just got settled into a routine of enjoying my time at home and hanging out with my boyfriend and friends in games without being a caretaker to someone, but I get that that's selfish to be upset about. Am I in the wrong to not want to do this? Or should I just bite the bullet and do it?
No. 356410
>>356342You could say you’ll do 45 minutes per day and then just talk to him and not tutor him. Do that for a while then tell them he needs a real tutor and stop pretending to tutor him.
His parents should be doing the tutoring and things are clearly shit, your mom is just worried and coming up with ideas. You cannot be his tutor.
No. 357783
Do you think it’d be possible to salvage my relationship with my roommate? I’m a junior in college, and last year I roomed with a close friend who ended up dropping out, so this year I moved into a new dorm with a new randomly selected roommate. My social skills had become really awful over the past couple years, but we were able to be pretty friendly with each other at first. On the first morning of classes she sent me a good morning text but I didn’t respond because I didn’t really know how to. Whenever I’m in my room alone I often ramble really loudly to myself like a schizo, something I tried to stop doing this year but I failed after like a day, and I’m certain she can hear me and thinks I’m insane. A week into the semester things started getting really awkward, the only things we’d say to each other would be “hi”. When we met up to do our roommate agreement she acted kinda cold and passive aggressive the whole time, but I guess it was just because she was as awkward as me. Right now that the semester’s almost over, we legit go out of our way to avoid each other. Whenever I hear her in the kitchen I wait for her to leave so that I can cook and vice versa. The communication issues are especially a problem with household responsibilities and stuff, we’re supposed to take turns taking out the trash, but whenever it’s her turn she just takes the bag out and leaves it next to the bin until I have to text her to take it out. Our base means of communicating is texting and it’s just asking each other to get stuff done. I feel like this just sucks for both of us and think it’s too late to even try and get in normal speaking terms, but does anyone know what I might be able to do?
No. 357787
>>357783This is advice I never like receiving since it seems really futile, BUT - try asking her if everything's ok. College can be very ass half the time, and life's stressful as-is.
Unless you feel she's truly being malicious, ask if she's alright and if you can divide up chores better. Even if you have to kinda kneecap yourself and say "I just feel like I'm the awkward one! I don't want things to get worse" she'll probably be more open to talking as long as you aren't accusing her of something. You can bring up things you want her to be more responsible about after you've established she's ok with talking.
The same exact thing is happening with students at my school. People randomly get really standoffish and there's less feeling of community overall. Asking about it usually leads to a barrage of personal complaints, or a cry for help with life things that I just can't solve for them. Working around it and finding a middle ground is possible, but leave a little space for things possibly not improving. I'd love to wave a magic wand and make everyone a functional, social adult but since covid - no joke - social interaction across the board has just been bricked. Faculty is feeling it, counselors are feeling it, and you're not alone in being surprised at things like that.
No. 357988
File: 1699650395836.gif (3.8 MB, 360x241, maxwell-cat.gif)
hi nonnies, can I get advice on achieving true stoicism as a broken neet trying to get a job? I, uh, had a weird upbringing. Learned how to speak years after other kids. Have a lot of weird behaviors (I have been asked if I'm severely autistic). I have, unfortunately, only gotten much worse and more disassociated as I've gotten deep into my 20s. On top of everything I have a disease that makes me feel really exhausted all the time and look like death, like I can barely even think in the moment. I have accidentally driven people to rage just because I accidentally had the wrong tone and expression. I am horrifically ugly. I only had one day in my life I felt well. I have made money online for a few years but it isn't really enough to save up.
Right now I'm trying to get as healthy as I can. However, I keep seeing all kinds of horrible stories from other people that probably have much more going for them and it's so demotivating. I have been avoiding such sites + threads lately, but the fact that pretty much all of the worst experiences of my life came from when I tried to get out of my shell really doesn't help. I spent years brute forcing it and my mental health was left in shambles.
I'm not really a suicidal person but tbh I'd be dead by now if not for my family because, tbh, someone like me really shouldn't exist and…I don't know how to persist, vicariously, being the way I am?
No. 357993
>>357988You're going to want to start by looking after yourself more. Become more confident in your appearance by taking baby steps: skincare routine, makeup (not totally necessary but mascara, cc cream, and a quick brow fill-in changes the way i see myself completely), style, etc.
Eat better if you can, drink more water and try to take a walk every now and then.
Next, write up a resume and make an Indeed account. Find job postings that are close to you and apply to ALL OF THEM. A lot of smaller jobs do not require experience and can be easier to get. Even if it is an unejoyable job like fast food or retail, you will get experience and be able to save more money. Open a savings account and add a percentage of your paycheck to it.
It may take a while, but you will have funds for an apartment and you can figure out what to do with your life from there.
It will get better nona. It is possible. I hope things start looking up for you, and it is never too late to start now.
No. 358004
>>357988You mean stoicism as a philosophy and way of life? If so you start by reading the most popular books in that genre and finding community with others seeking stoicism. Surely there are pseudonymous online communities you can join to meet people without showing your face. I can't point you in any particular direction because i dont know anything about stoicism itself, but if that's what you want help with then I'll be happy to do some research for you.
The other anon is giving you more "brute force" advice where you just solve it all yourself. Her suggestion to take physical care of yourself is great, so please start there! (Not with makeup, thats stupid. But diet, exercise, hydration, and regular sleep are necessary for your physical and emotional health.) More than that I think you need support. The part of you that says "I should be able to handle this alone" is a fucking liar. You mention supportive family so please, tell them the truth about how you're feeling. Together you can look into programs for autistic adults, occupational therapy, hell maybe even trauma therapy. It sounds like youve been through a LOT, most of which has yet to be processed.
As an internet stranger I can't tell you exactly what's holding you back or where you need the most help, but I do know for a fact that you need to gather some more people on your side, people with more energy and information than you, who want nothing more than to see you succeed. And anon there are people like that out there who would be honoured to be a part of your journey
No. 358030
File: 1699658756829.jpg (99.14 KB, 600x600, a3c9a0315a8e42577c9a1474cc34bd…)
I live with one another girl who is really lovely and we get along well. She's out of the house a lot (which is fine), but when she is in the house, 9/10 times she has her boyfriend over. Her boyfriend is a nice enough guy but he talks super loud and they cook dinner together very late (at like 11 pm or 12 am), which is not a good combo since my bedroom is next to the kitchen. As I'm typing rn I can hear every word he's saying. I always hear her shushing him so she knows he's loud. Her bf will often stay overnight, sometimes two nights in a row and she never asks or lets me know that he'll be here. It makes me uncomfortable wearing tank tops or no bra under my shirt because a man is there. Like today I came home and she'd left for class and he had sat himself down in the living room playing TikToks loudly. She doesn't tell me when SHE'LL be out of the house either, so sometimes she's gone for like 5 days at a time without letting me know. I never want to text and check because it seems a bit over the top to demand to know where she is.
Anyways, I always let her know when I'm going to have friends over. I'd really appreciate the same courtesy, but idk if it'd be redundant since he's here all the time so she'd be texting me every other day. I don't know what to do anons. I don't want to seem like a narc but I don't like living in the same space with a man. The best solution for me would be if she stops having her boyfriend over all the time but I don't feel I can demand that.
No. 358419
>>358416Still stuck in lite mode so I can't delete, but I'm starting to wonder now, does sound sleep hygiene mean using your
bed or using your
bedroom only for sleeping? Am I actually allowed to use my bedroom again as long as I don't do all the stuff I used to do in my bed in my bed? Will my suffering end? This month was painful.
No. 358565
>>358534This is a genuine set of questions.
Do you find short haired women to be unfeminine?
Do you find small chested women to be unfeminine?
Do you find women without make-up unfeminine?
Do you find women in pants to be unfeminine?
No. 358569
>>358564What you and she are missing is that "feminine energy" is not about looks. She's trying too hard and forcing it. She needs to get comfortable with herself and find some inner peace, then she will be feminine just by existing because she is female.
>When you feel "masculine" you're just feeling like a person because masculinity stereotypically includes every positive attributeDangerous mindset to have. I know people in society value "masculine" more but you should know better.
No. 358571
>>358570I wasn't trying to
trigger you, sorry.
No. 358793
File: 1700003175791.jpg (109.97 KB, 960x384, turn off sex pill.jpg)
Any advice so I can turn off from sex??
No. 358812
>>358806lmao
female animals literally get SWITCHED ON and seek sex. If anything, the concept of rape only exists in humans and some mammals, animals don't typically reproduce through rape, they do when females allow it
And most females, if not all, go about life being switched on for sex and going after sexual attraction at all times in their lives (this is why they don't play single player video games in their basements or do any other behavior outside socializing, because socialization = sex)
No. 358816
>>358814Name one thing you do with your day that is not socialization-related. That isn't related to clothes, looking at people, reading about people, gossiping, that isn't about displaying something (like gardening)
Tell me one action you take in your day that is introspective. You can't name one can you? That is because women think about sex 24/7 - it is why they never act in a way that isn't social. What goes inside comes out in your behavior
(chill out) No. 359046
File: 1700107652734.jpg (37.18 KB, 480x360, deathgrips.jpg)
What the hell do I do. What would be the best way to conquer and get rid of my severe facial eczema to a manageable degree if I live with one of my biggest triggers? First off, I am planning on changing my diet by cutting out dairy and meats and lowering the amount of carbs I consume, since I've read that inflammation is directly tied to diet. Along with increasing the amount of water to at least a liter and more a day, I am going to start taking walks and get a gym membership at my local community center as well. Along with limiting the amount of steroids and medicines I use so as to not develop TSW or a dependency. So I have no plans on not at least trying to fix it by focusing on my body first and foremost. However, I fear that despite these changes it might not do all that much because I live with two large hairy dogs that shed constantly, and dog hair and dander is one of my biggest triggers. If I am in a room with them and they shake their fur everywhere my face will break out into weepy hives and sores. I have to constantly change and wash my clothes because their hair and dander will track into my room and into my bed. If I don't there are times where I can't even sleep in my own bed without waking up to painful weeping patches on my cheeks and neck so I just pull a all-nighter until I can use the washing machine. I can't even go into the basement anymore since it is teeming with dander and fur, and just sitting down there will trigger a severe flare-up. I have to spend 96% of my time in my room because it's the only place that has some form of repreive from the absolute nightmare of dander and fur that's everywhere outside of it. Literal nightmare fuel. They're my family's dogs so getting rid of them isn't an option and even if the dogs died my family would quickly replace them in less than a week. Because "awww we need the heckin pupperinos doggos for muh protections". I can't move out for the foreseeable future in this economy so I'm stuck with this until I can move which won't be for years, it is seriously depressing me to the point that suicide is becoming a viable option. Hell, I know for a fact that when the dogs do die my father wants a pitbull so I've debated triggering it, getting mauled, and using that to leverage never having a canis familiaris in the house ever again. I'm not even a dog hate autist, I just hate that I have to live with them even though they're one of the biggest factors to my lowered quality of life. I'll look and feel diseased at best and a acid victim at worst because of the dogs. So I was hoping I could get some advice to best deal with this situation before I go absolutely postal because of the constant physical pain.
No. 359069
>>359046a bunch of random ideas:
1) adding door brushers to your door. I have an odor problem where I live so I just taped stiff paper to mine, which cuts down on smell but idk how effective it would be for this
2) wearing a mask/scarf over your face when going through your house. long sleeves and long pants are a given.
3) getting an air purifier made specifically for allergens/pet dander
4) keeping 2-3 towels in your room for exclusive use for showers, etc
5) keeping 3-4 water bottles in your room (and pls eventually drink around 1.5L a day, 1L is not much). also non perishable, healthy and filling snacks like trail mix, apples, etc in your room to minimize trips
6) wearing thin hoodies with the hood up to sleep, to protect your neck
7) maybe you can train yourself to sleep on your back? or cover your pillowcase entirely when not in use to minimze drifting dander getting on it. or use one of the personal towels as a pillowcover and put it away first thing in the morning
a lot of these kinda rely on you having your own room, esp one that ppl dont go in and out of much. i hope you find some methods that help soon anon, sorry you're realy going through it, ezcema is hell
No. 359074
I need help with some classy stocking stuffer ideas for this couple I am buying gifts for. I know it’s early, but custom stuff has to be done early.
Hers: Custom leather luggage tag, perfume, birth flower necklace, custom nail polish (in the colors of her pets eye colors), snacks
His: Matching leather luggage tag, cologne, snacks
She is who I’m trying to make a good impression on, so her boyfriend’s gift needs to be equivalent to hers somewhat, but not Too good. It can’t seem like I’m trying to impress him, so nothing too fancy or expensive in his. He also kind of sucks so generic is fine. Hers I’m open to any ideas.
No. 359121
>>359114Does it make a difference if the woman is the sister of the man I have been dating for a few years? I dont know her very well but she knows I am not at all interested in her boyfriend. Still a bad idea?
If I’m being honest the cologne idea came to mind because I can get pretty much any nice cologne for free.
No. 360019
What do I do if a creep scrote asks for my number, but wants me to type it in and call right away to check if it's real? This happened in front of my house so I couldn't lie, either way he'd know where I live and what my car looks like. I'm moving soon but I live in a very quiet rural area with barely anyone around, I was afraid to potentially anger him because if he'd started knocking me out no one would've heard or seen anything for hours. I learnt from my neighbor that he rings her door at 1am to proposition her, ask for cigs and money, and always waits outside the village for a ride downtown. I'll call the cops if he approaches me again but I just need tips on the fucking phone number trick because this has happened before and I never know what to do.
>>359811I know how that feels, I was around these types in college as well who ended up ruining my reputation based on nothing. What fixed it for me was severing ties with that friend group, unfortunately. It's tougher when it's your roommate, it happened to be mine too and I had to move out so things were difficult for a bit. Liars and rumor spreaders are literal diseases, you have to get physically away from them (or those they contaminated). If you can't for now, honest confrontation might be your best bet, just asking why she said that when you both know that's not true. If conversation isn't an option, stonewalling is the last resort.
No. 360117
How to merge my soft heart with my man-hate? Ideologically, I am the evil TERF "kill all men" lesbian separatist that everybody fearmongers about, but in practice I'm honestly just very kind to everyone. Even when random men speak to me on the street, I respond with the care and respect I give to all living creatures. It's reflexive. When the interaction ends, I feel disappointment and sometimes even disgust for giving a scrote some positive attention, which no doubt brightened his mood and encouraged him to pester even more women and girls. It's a betrayal of my feminist values… but it fits perfectly into my genuine "nice girl" personality. But men dont deserve that, I know, and I'd rather save my energy for women. Is this something that just comes with practice?
To be clear, I don't want to get in unnecessary fights or antagonize anyone, just ignore the strangers as if they don't exist. And in an environment where contact is prolonged (work, school, neighbors), remain polite but hold them all at arm's length. The problem is that I love to put people at ease, laugh at their jokes, help them out, teach them things… and I routinely mistake these walking abortions as people. Does it get easier with time? I don't need any help hating men because I already know what they are capable of, I don't trust any of them, but it has been so difficult to harden my heart. Does anyone else have this problem?
No. 360306
>>360222Yelling is abuse. Being mean and yelling at you is also abuse. It's emotional abuse.
I lived with a dad who would yell all the fucking time and it was awful.
No. 360332
My mom's company was brought by a multinational last year. She had a high responsibility and very tiring job, but she felt useful and had some kind of purpose. Her new position makes it so she doesn't have a team of forty people to manage, way less stressful, but it's also really boring: she basically does every tasks for the day in two hours, whereas she used to come to work with 60+ emails to treat daily on top of the management. She also works almost 50% remote now so her day is basically finished before lunch.
Of course going from one extreme to another is hard and it takes some times to adapt. I'm really glad that she has the opportunity to take some time to herself and have a less stressful job for the end of her career, she also gets to spend more time with my brother which is great. But since september she has been telling me often about how she did nothing all weekend (of course she takes care of the house, garden, my brother and the cats alone so she's still pretty active), got bored and just watched tv or napped. I'm worried about her getting depressed since she had such a drastic change in her lifestyle and I'm not sure she knows how to fill all that free time, kinda like how some freshly retired people get depressed because they don't have a lot going on outside of work. I'm especially worried thinking about the future when my brother will leave for college and she will be all alone.
Has anyone been in that kind of situation, and how did you feel? I would also like to introduce her to a new hobby (I know that she has a creative streak in her that she never got to explore for exemple) but I'm not sure what. She lives in a rural area, although not too far from the city it would be better if it's something she could do by herself and not in a club setting. Has anyone got any idea of a hobby to pick up at that age? What do your moms do in their free time?
No. 360351
File: 1700576272356.jpeg (286.33 KB, 2048x1642, D3gtfgrUIAAxItm.jpeg)
Sometimes I find myself wondering if I should do my makeup and choose a nice outfit for school just to see if it makes me feel.. better?
I love dressing up and wearing makeup, but never when I'm going to school or to work. Usually I just wear my "less important" clothes to school and go with a bare face.
I just feel like it's kinda unneccessary (to me personally) to get all dolled-up just to go to school (or work, for that matter) and I rarely have the energy in the morning even if I wake up really early.
This is a dumb thing to stress about, I just wonder if putting effort into my appearance more often would result in feeling more put-together and maybe even more motivated if that makes sense?
No. 360395
How to stop people pleasing? I pretty much fake my whole personality to be liked online and off. It isn't borderline, and I'm aware the part I'm playing isn't really me as I don't merge. I just feel immense fear of offending the other person, being scolded and rejected or hurt, even if they're wildly overstepping bare minimum boundaries. Pretending means I can make sure I'll be liked. It's attracted a couple narcissistic types who use me for their supply. One gay guy I've known for years trooned out and his palpable narcissism sure intensified. I'm walking on eggshells because I'm sure he'll threaten suicide and blame me for being a "TERF" if I say anything invalidating.
He started stanning exclusively trans-identified male celebrities who've made beyond questionable public statements about women. I think he's into the victimhood status that comes with daring to disagree with him about anything trans-related, and the power it gives him, but I can't extend my people pleasing tendencies to agreeing with him fanboying over Ethel Cain's recent Tumblr posts (the ones calling women 12 year old girls waiting to be fucked by old men). I said that it put me off listening to Ethel's album (which he asked me to listen to, in an ongoing line of random trans album recommendations he presents as the second coming of Christ just because they're trans). He immediately said "wait did that seriously put you off her" and went on a tirade excusing it: "i mean she could have worded her post better but transphobes were writing literal transphobic thinkpieces about her and then when she got upset and reacted angrily they were just like male brain moment. she was clearly pissed off at all the transphobic posts showing up on her tumblr when she wrote it". When I said I understand the context because I read all Ethel's posts and those same excuses Ethel gave, he gave me the silent treatment, didn't bother to reply at all, ignored it like it wasn't said and went back to talking about what he wants (linked a video about a gay story because he's a gay man in denial, obsessed with various gay celebrities to such an extent it's undeniably autistic hyperfixation, and then he linked a list of books by trans authors). That's when I accepted I was being talked at for attention. He will talk and talk and talk about his favourite gay male and TIM celebrities knowing I'm a lesbian who has no reason to care. The other day he said a teenage trans musician's brain was so above mine and his. He's always been condescending but it eased for a time when I told him it's shitty - until he transitioned, and now it's ramping back up. I guess he feels it's justified to neg me if it's propping up TIMs. This isn't to mention him updating me about his "tits growing". Why do I put up with this, telling myself I'm the problem, seeing the good in him when all that potential is gone thanks to transitioning, when he really turned out to be the most common moid who found a not like the other boys cheat code? What's wrong with me?
No. 360425
File: 1700605706825.jpg (45.45 KB, 407x640, newp.jpg)
when i am on the internet too often, because i work toward my bachelors as an online student, i am prone to distractions and envy. i am working on it, but lately i have been sick and out of routine and my whole day has been taken up wondering how i should change up my appearance outside of exercise/diets i have been doing.
i do not know if i should invest in lip injections? or if i should try to put tape in extensions again? i wish i could answer these things for myself but i don't know. i am very low maintenance because i only go out of the house for work part-time and do not have social media or much i doll up for aside from when i visit my boyfriend every few months.
i have some extra money so i am just wondering if its worth it to get small lip fillers and try extensions again? i know its vain but i wonder if it could propel me in some way or make me love myself more. sometimes i see girls who looks so ethereal and elegant and i really wish i could appear as such more often. i want to carry myself more maturely and put more effort into myself i just dont know if this is a silly thought or worth the investment.
No. 360427
>>360425Lip fillers always look bad and obvious, no matter how little you put in. Imo and paradoxical it looks the worst on girls with thin lips, thin lips are so much cuter than thin lips with filler in them. It always migrates and we do not know the long term effects, plus dissolving them also dissolves your natural collagen making your skin saggy. Dont do it.
Maybe invest in something like a few dance lessons, that will teach you how to move more gracefully and have more control over your body? Lip fillers are certainly mot going to make you behave or look more elegant.
No. 360437
>>360395Is he dangerous/deranged? Block and ignore.
Is he needy/gross? Tell him he’s a gay man and he needs to love himself then block and ignore.
No. 361222
File: 1700980644020.png (22.16 KB, 444x302, gapyearplan.PNG)
I want to take a gap year after getting my Associates in the Spring of 2025 to save up some money. During this gap year I plan to work non-stop at two jobs (one that is a simple part-time job, and another that actually utilizes my degree) for a year to save up enough money to have enough cushion to rent an apartment with a rent ranging from $1,200.00 or lower for four years while getting my Bachelor's Degree, mainly because I want to experience living alone for my health and well being. I still plan to continue working when I pursue my Bachelors to support myself but I want to use a gap year to gain some savings to cushion myself for this experience. I've made a spreadsheet with several rough estimates of costs and gains. As such. I just want to know if this is feasible, some advice, a bad idea, and so on.
No. 361963
>>361959You can take back control by telling her you're going/went there if she asks and if she's difficult about it tell her "This is my choice as an adult and it's not up for discussion. I'm asking you to respect my decision as I respect yours." (or something along those lines that's comfortable for you to say) and don't engage in a discussion/fight. Absolutely don't try to justify your choice to go, that just gives her something to reply to and fight about. You've got to be firm and not allow any discussion: she's allowed to dislike your choice, but she's not allowed to control it. Leave the room if you have to.
That said, if you want a way around it, most churches livestream their services for free online.
No. 362065
I've recently started a new job, fitting in nicely, getting along with lots of my new coworkers. One in particular is my age, has a <1 year old baby, and a wife he keeps complaining about to me, and is definitely flirting. I find it hard to be unfriendly, and I don't dislike him, I'd actually be interested if he were single and childless, but how can I get him to completely stop it? It grosses me the fuck out, but I'm obviously also the new girl trying to be everybody's friend. The next time he tries complaining about his wife, I might try asking for her name, and other details about her, and just talk about her, to make him feel bad.
No. 362144
>Get into relationship, my condition is no porn, i have horrible insecurities which got worse with my ex. He agrees to no porn, I quit job and move 2 states to be with him.
>Snooped partners pc 2 times, found he was lying about porn use. He says he's looking at porn but not jacking off.
Confronted, moved on.
>Snooped once and saw a convo with his ex 3 months after we agreed to stop talking to exs, he said it's because she was suicidal and if she went to kill herself he didn't want to have to decide on going and saving her or not doing to keep me happy and she dies.
Accept it, move on.
>Snooped his old phone, found telegram cache images/videos of his childhood penpal who he said there was never anything going on with.
Videos of her in underwear flipping her hair. Pictures of lewd but not nude photoshoots, ass shots, her cupping her tits.
Dated from when we've been dating, he changed phones a year ago so obv didn't show after that.
>He says they're from her posting it on her story on telegram and the cache autosaves them, they were never sent to him specifically.
He says she would post them on her story or w.e asking stuff like "should I send this to my bf".
I have never used telegram, no idea if that's how it works.
>Confront him, he's mad I snooped.
>ask to see their chat images to have proof he hasn't been cheating, he refuses.
>Says I've invaded all of his privacy and he's keeping this one thing private from me.
>Find out he has now told her about the argument and what I've done, said she's the only person he can vent to.
She's said to check her instagram to see she always posts shit like that.
Dunno what else they've said.
I've told him I can't trust his word because he's lied every step of the way, regardless of what reasonable reasons he has.
I don't know how to regain trust without proof that nothing went on between the penpal.
I don't think I can take his word on this again, it just feels like a rinse repeat.
I know I'm horrible for my insecurities and jealousy and snooping, but the snooping didn't start until after I noticed sex drying up and since then it's been a circular issue.
He has said he lied because I'm so controlling and would react badly, I'm controlling and react badly because I'm being lied to.
No. 362151
>>362144Be sneaky and get screenshots of his chat history with her, because he is definitely cheating. This will help you in the divorce. You should get divorced, this is ridiculous.
sorry I replied to this in the Get if Off Your Chest thread (I never do that! I thought it was the vent thread, hope I'm not banned for too long.)
No. 362258
>>362007I was just about to write something similar to these posts. Since Instagram and BeReal are so big with my age group everyone I know is constantly taking pictures. I can't participate, the suggestion of a group photo makes me so unhappy. I look awful, I ruin every photo. Being shown a picture of myself makes me panic and nearly cry. I feel so childish when my mood plummets after seeing a picture of myself.
You're right
>>362027 it literally is a nightmare of a problem. This stupid insecurity undoes the years I've spent improving my self-esteem. Any advice is greatly appreciated.
No. 362270
>>362269The thing is our day to day interactions are genuinely nice (ever since he stopped coercing me), and he still helps me physically and emotionally with my illness. I don't have much reason to leave now. I'm honestly just hoping the distance makes it inevitable.
But yeah my self esteem has always been trash.
No. 362309
>>362270The day-to-day of most
abusive relationships is fine or nice, it's not really a positive feature that you don't feel terrorized daily… Comparatively few women are stuck in relationships that they feel have zero redeeming qualities. I get how you feel because I'm kind of going through similar thoughts but I think it shouldn't be a point against the uncommon bad times, you should still expect better. Things being fine/nice
should be the default, it's not really 95% positive and 5% negative but 95% neutral and 5% negative if that makes sense
No. 362398
Ok Novel incoming. So basically, my father is depressed and losing his religion and I don't have it in me to really care, I even go out of my way to avoid him if I'm able to.
I used to wonder why I was uncomfortable around him, even as a child. But now I remember how he used to beat, not hit, beat my brothers with a belt until they'd cry and weep and beg for forgiveness. Especially the oldest, I was 4 so he was barely 10. And this kept going on for many years, I don't remember how many but it was bad. He never laid a hand on me though, my mom did enough of that.
I can't remember much of my childhood, or my youth really, 95% is voided, and I'm fine with that for the most part. But something else I remember is how my dad would always mutter bad things under his breath, and if we were in a car alone together when I was a kid he'd just be raging and screaming curses at my mom his dad my brothers etc… There's also how he would always immediately curse at the person who he was on the phone with after ending the call. Which made me think all people where like that.
Bottomline, he played a big factor into why I am as socially incompetent as I am and why I struggle to build relationships, so I do hold some resentment towards him, as silly as that is.
Still, for the last like, lets say half a decade he's been trying to make it up for us. even in those times he'd shower us with gifts and just straight up lovebomb us, but to be honest me and my sibling's reactions to the attention weren't really that positive most* of the time. We'd usually just shyly say thank you and that was that. Even if the gift was 500 bucks or whatever.
Which in turn, of course angered him. And he never stopped being this ambivalent hot and cold guy who'd glare and utter a string of curses about you one second and then bring you some treats to your room the next. The man has some demons and he IS trying to fight them, but man.
Anyways, present time. The anniversary of my brother's suicide, if you can call it that, is nearing. And my father feels really guilty about it and seems suicidal himself. I tried to help him, and I want to help more, but at the same time I'm afraid of him. Sometimes I feel like he's just gonna kill me and my mom while we're sleeping. Sometimes I feel like I'm gonna wake up to his cold body. I don't know what to do. Therapy is not an option. My mom is sick of his shit and has been ignoring him ever since the last outburst he directed at her. My other brother is practically estranged and definitely high on something 24/7.
So now it's up to me.
What do?
tldr; dad is feeling guilty depressed and suicidal cause of brother's suicide that was one year ago. Mom and brother don't have it in them to help or sympathize cause they A have their own shit to deal with and B Dad's past and present actions. I feel guilty about not wanting to help him but I also fear that he will do something rash that may lead to the death of someone.
Again, what do?
No. 362749
>>362398I'm sorry that yours and your siblings childhood was ruined by him nonna.
He is not your responsibility.Whatever happens happens, it is not your duty to make him a better man- like you said he has demons and I don't think anything but hard work and therapy will fix that, and if he isn't willing to put the work in to be a better man, then you can't do it for him.
One day you won't need to be afraid of him, for one reason or another and I hope you can finally rest soon.
No. 362780
>>362398I've been in a similiar situation. My father was heavily damaged by his father who was heavily traumatized by the war (Eurofag) and in turn my father damaged me and my siblings, as a result I am socially incompetent and struggle with relationships just like you describe you do, amongst other damage thanks to his upbringing. I still feel resentment towards him even after his death. I'm just providing this context to show that I think I have a relatively good idea of what situation you're in and how you feel, even if my father wasn't physically
abusive to the extent yours was/is. My father often threatened with suicide. All my life I've watched how my mom tried everything to help my father and be there for him, but nothing helped or changed until he sought professional help and got diagnosed with a plethora of things. Even then the changes remained relatively small. Living with him became more liveable and stable, but he didn't change deeply as a person. What I'm trying to convey is that you, as a regular person, aren't equipped to help him. Even professionals will likely struggle with someone like him. He'll need internal motivation to seek help (and have the resources to do so). Nothing will change if professional help is out of the picture.
>Sometimes I feel like he's just gonna kill me and my mom while we're sleeping.I'm so sorry I need to say this but trust your gut instinct and get out asap. Damaged men can do horrible things to loved ones, please don't be another who falls
victim to this. Again: you can't fix or help someone who's as mentally damaged/ill has he is.
And
>>362749 is right, he is not your responsibility. Please put yourself first, put yourself in a safe situation and work on the damage he and your mother have caused you, instead of putting all this energy towards a man who doesn't want to/can't get help and poses a safety threat. You might not even conciously realize the extent to which he has damaged you, I know I didn't until well into adulthood. Again I say this as one damaged person to another, I know, feel and understand where you stand and where you're coming from, but you yourself genuinely can't fix someone else's complex mental issues.
No. 362922
File: 1701749886757.jpeg (353.49 KB, 1169x1245, 13AA9947-CBEF-4F02-A85D-01D928…)
i have social anxiety where i start shaking and get tummy aches and cant talk right. weirdly it's much worse when i'm around women and some hot men. it's really bad. where do i start working on it?
No. 362959
>>362949I was like that too, not to the extent of avoiding my parents but I was also anxious around my roommates and would avoid going to the kitchen when they were there etc. Unfortunately the only solution is exposure. You're worsening your anxiety and social skills by closing yourself off, so you need to slowly start having the uncomfortable social interactions. You don't have to do something huge like going to a party or a club tonight, start with small things that feel low risk and from which you can remove yourself quickly and easily. Go see your parents every now and then even if it's just for half an hour. Try asking a store employee where you can find a certain product, say hi to your roommates if you meet them in one of your shared spaces, build it up to having small talk, try asking your fellow students for like notes or whatever if you don't typically interact with them etc. You need to go through those small uncomfortable interactions that make you anxious so your brain learns that all is fine, nothing bad will happen and your fight or flight response calms down. Once you get used to small, low risk interactions you can build up to scarier stuff. It takes a long time of continued exposure to situations that make you anxious, but you will be able to do it, I've done it too. And remember if you're going to be uncomfortable either way, you might as well be uncomfortable while building towards less anxiety. And try fixing your sleep schedule. Good luck!
No. 362978
File: 1701780614402.jpg (743.15 KB, 2160x3840, dress.jpg)
Which dress?
No. 362981
File: 1701781348838.png (2.67 MB, 1780x1748, tone.png)
>>362979I wear 1C0 Shell which is a cool rosey undertone
No. 363355
>>363351>Should I do it in person and confront the girl?Don't do that, that's prime opportunity for her to frame you as the crazy obsessed girlfriend.
Did your boyfriend agree to meeting up with her like she asked?
No. 363368
>>363351Shopkeep isn't the problem so the confrontation would do nothing except make you look unhinged.
The problem is your bf. There's no nice way to put this anon, but, it kind of sounds like he's keeping her in rotation waiting for his opportunity. It's not normal for men in relationships to strike up relationships with strangers while they are on the clock. He was clearly using buying stuff at the shop as an excuse to see her before he got her number.
No. 363461
>>363386I see what you mean, but that pain feels a lot "deeper" as in radiating even to my neck from my shoulder a bit.
>>363382It's been 5 days, massaging doesn't really help so I'm thinking of leaving it alone at this point, but I have to drive a lot and I have to go one-handed because resting my arm in a normal driving position (and not at the bottom of the wheel) hurts.
No. 364021
>>364012I like to hear human voices, but also like the pressure being removed of being part of a conversation. I'm a bit of an autist, and have always struggled with verbal communication as it puts me on edge.
I have been thinking of finding new friends recently though, nona, so maybe you're onto something. Are you doing more with your friends now (online and or in person) instead of watching YT?
>>364007I even feel guilty watching long content because it's usually stuff I've seen or isn't stimulating my brain. I like your limiting technique though and will definitely try it.
No. 365040
>>364075This anon is right
>>364077. Put yourself into social situations and you'll start building social skills and a network. It's not easy but you can do it!
No. 365132
>>365127Peace with a past choice and feeling "I think I would've done it differently if I could do it over again" can exist at the same time. You can choose to make peace with the knowledge you chose what made you happiest instead of feeling deep regret over it.
If a big wedding isn't going to make you happy now, it's not making you happy.
No. 365164
File: 1702489291655.jpg (293.7 KB, 1080x1090, Screenshot_20231214-034223_Gal…)
>>365127My husband and I only has 8 people at our wedding in my parents backyard. It was great. We made home-made pizza for the dinner and sat outside under the stars.
I loved it. We are both quiet people and didn't like the idea of a 50 people wedding.
I say go for it nonna
No. 365171
>>365169Why not what's wrong with it?
Poor quality sure but it's my favourite one we took after everyone left
No. 365176
>>365171It's an anonymous ib, you don't want to give any such clues to your identity, and you're probably going into some retarded 4chan of KF scrote's picture collection. You wouldn't be the first anon to have her picture taken and openly discussed in their spaces.
Very pretty dress though.
No. 365181
>>365176Ah whoops, I've posted it before anyway. Too late to delete but going forward I won't post it again.
I'm not that worried if people talk about that pic tbh, I know it's not everyone's cup of tea and they can pick it apart or have it saved on their PC's like weirdos
No. 365405
>>365394By rejecting peoples compliments its degrading to the person who complimented him.
He's basically saying their opinion they have of him is wrong and that they're stupid for complimenting him and thinking that.
It's pretty rude tbh
No. 365439
>>365413>Pretty much the thing he wants to avoid is being full of himself and begging for attentionEasily avoided by saying thank you, smiling and moving on from the subject. Not sure if that makes sense to a guy who has been raised the way he has been raised though, but I'd at least try to urge him to just handle compliments that way from now on.
Did you mean selfhelp books by material? From the sounds of it the core of his problem is a significant lack of self esteem, there's plenty of (work) books on that.
No. 365578
File: 1702648216967.png (729.72 KB, 1400x922, Screenshot 2023-12-15 at 08.50…)
>>365394He doesn't need a self-help book he just needs to be told point-blank that's a really rude way to respond to a compliment and he needs to knock it off. The only appropriate response to that compliment was "thank you."
There's an old CA blog where she gets into it if you want to send him that to read.
https://captainawkward.com/2013/02/10/448-how-do-i-accept-compliments/ No. 365956
>>365945Nta but thank you for posting this. Makes me feel better kek. That makes sense.
Also idk if it’s just me, but I feel like my older phones took way more flattering photos than anything recent.
No. 366030
File: 1702800547917.jpg (670.91 KB, 935x1997, Screenshot_20231217_090706_Sam…)
Picrel is me. Added the anon below's post and my response for additional context.
Basically I think that he watched porn and lied (no porn is a boundary we both had for each-other). Am I in the wrong for ditching him? Did I jump to conclusions too fast or did I do the right thing?
No. 366478
Mom’s boyfriend threatened me with violence, what should I do? I’m in a vulnerable position, I’m an immigrant and undocumented. I’m tired of his emotional abuse. Still has no job, new on this country, probably autistic, and I don’t know well its language, but I can speak English. If I call the cops he or them (my mom’s a religious handmaiden, LOL) could hear me. I know, it was stupid to accept to go with her, he’s pretty scrotish, and I have reasons to believe he’s dangerous, but grandma’s home wasn’t better (abuse coming from grandfather, couldn’t escape just like I can’t escape from here right now being retained at force) and I didn’t knew it was going to be that bad. Tried to warn her about him, of course, didn’t listened. Should I run to a shelter? I tried to message to the authorites, but I don’t know if they will respond. Don’t know what will happen next and I’m afraid. Should have had do something more on my country of origin, I tried but they were making me feel guilty of getting the hell away from them.
No. 366485
File: 1702968425446.png (Spoiler Image,2.54 MB, 1080x1471, Screenshot_20231219-034545~2.p…)
I'm so fucking frustrated. I'm never ever ever ever EVER attracted to a man. When there's one, one, ONE prostate haver that I think is attractive and seems to love me and is rich he turns out to be gay!
Advice for you girls, if a guy is hot and has more than 3 shirtless photos on Instagram he's gay.
I want to murder him I'm so angry
No. 366556
>>366553You should go for it, coming from a terminal go-getter in relationships. Even when I had 0 social skills and 0 other friends.
If nothing else it nets you experience and a weird sense of confidence, even if you get rejected. If he's an asshole at least you'll be free (depending on the type of asshole). And if he's otherwise cool maybe you'll get a friend.
Good luck, anon.
No. 366563
File: 1703014523239.jpg (68.83 KB, 736x736, fc0f44aa23c8206ace3b37c145842a…)
Nonnas, am I worrying over nothing?
>have successful interview
>invited for a trial run day for just Monday (yesterday)
>hit a few snags but actually very good day
>Send potential boss an email thanking them for the opportunity and to please get in touch if they're interested in keeping me on
OK so it's been like 24 hours and nobody reached out yet. Am I worried about nothing just because she hasn't gotten back to me immediately? I literally worked a whole 8 hour shift
No. 366712
File: 1703062961965.jpg (125.75 KB, 920x518, bba7402faa47a1465702491ee48850…)
Anons, I think I need help, this… thing is actually making me increasingly suicidal, I genuinely don't know what to do, it's the hate I have for myself grow. I'm someone with a subzero libido, it makes me frustrated, I didn't used to be like this, but I can live with it. No matter what I think about, whatever I like, I can't get horny, much less wet. But whenever, about every single time I take a nap, I have a half-awake, half-lucid dream with the exact theme that makes me actually horny, incredibly, I've never felt myself that aroused when I've been awake in the last 7 or so years. But the content of that lucid-ish dream is abhorrent, disgusting, vomit-inducing, it's nothing I want to think about in real life, consciously. It makes me actually want to kill myself that it's the only thing that makes me feel something. I hate it so viscerally I can't even type it in an anonymous imageboard, but imagine the only time you ever, ever got wet was when you thought about a dog fucking you. That's not what it is, but it's on par with that, in my mind. I'd rather just never, ever feel horny that deal with this any longer, if that's the solution. Every time I wake up from it, and I'm throbbing, I start bawling. I just typed this out after crying, I can't take it anymore. What do I do? I know it's related to something in my life/past, I don't know what to do… I feel so disgusted with myself that that is something I subconsciously desire? Because the dreams feel within some control like I'm half-lucid, that makes it so much fucking worse, fuck. I want to kill myself. I don't consume porn, never did, I don't consume 2d, not even fujofic anymore, I try hard to imagine things I think I like to make myself get in some sort of mood but nothing happens. Only that hideous nightmare makes me feel aroused. I try to avoid naps as much as I can, but I get tired sometimes. Please, please… anyone else? What helped?
No. 366728
>>366712It’s a dream it’s not real, don’t suicide over it. You’re just seeing something your mind is caught up on or hasn’t worked through for some reason, that’s kind of what dreams are except there’s no real logic or rules in dreams. It’s not like you’re thinking of it for fun, it’s a dream. The physical reaction is unfortunately just nature. This exact thing has come up in a few threads I’ve seen (usually in the context of dreams about abusers, sometimes family) so you’re definitely not the only person this happens to so don’t feel alone.
As for advice on how to stop it I’ve never seen one perfect solution. My method of letting the dream play out without judging myself until my mind loses interest was very unpopular last time I brought it up. I guess I took the nasty route kek but it was all in my brain and in dream world everything felt good and was for me even though it made no sense and would be horrible irl I decided to just let the dream show me whatever happened. You sound like you wouldn’t like that but I think it’s better than killing yourself out of shame and I feel like it helped me work through something but maybe I’m crazy.
Maybe you need dream advice. If it’s a repeating dream where the exact same thing happens like a movie I’ve been able to stop those by killing something (like a big bad boss), I’ve also had luck saying “no, fuck this and fuck you” and turning around and walking towards “myself” until it turns black and I wake up (got rid of the bad sex dreams for like one year by doing this). Also maybe if you masturbate before a nap it won’t happen, I’ve never had a sex dream after masturbating.
No. 366730
>>366717Wait for him to do something for you; you can even ask for something specific. Then don’t do anything special just for him until that thing happens (I’m not talking like give him the silent treatment that’s crazy I just mean don’t wait on him hand and foot, don’t do his chores, don’t give him gifts, don’t cook his meals suggest you eat out or he cooks, don’t do performative sex stuff be selfish in bed).
Prepare to be disappointed though and have to decide if he’s not caring enough for you so you have to move on.
No. 366737
>>366720I wasn't exactly mature before this whole thing so I hadn't developed a full-fledged, established sexuality, which doesn't help.
>presenting sex to you as a form of fearThat's likely. I have had no interest in pursuing romance or sex, and this could be playing a part in that. I've thought about if getting with someone would help. I don't know how to.. go forward, now that I know this. I'm realizing that my brain is kind of stuck on that issue, and that might be part of it..? Thank you though, anon.
>>366728Thanks for being so helpful and honest. I probably come across so dramatic, but I was really losing it this time, kek. I know my mind hasn't worked through it because I've not been able to completely get away from it, irl. The thing that gets me is how aware I feel during the dream, like I am making those choices, if it was just happening to me without my input I would get it, but my lucid dreamself thinks, "Oh, this is a dream, so I should do this, since there are no consequences," and you're right that letting it play out might be too much for me. I genuinely want to rope, I feel so grossed out by myself.
The dreams aren't exactly identical but follow the same beats each time, so I'm gonna try your solution of ending it in some way. I know partially, I haven't really escaped the thing that haunts my dreams, but the dreams themselves seem like a hurdle in getting over this whole thing. Sorry, I'm rambling. Also, masturbating before napping sounds really genius so I will do this too. I'm happy it sounds like it got better for you? Doesn't matter the methodology, you're not crazy. Sorry, you struggled with similar things, it sucks. But it feels less ugly to know I'm not alone.
No. 366746
>>366737>it feels less ugly to know I'm not aloneI think everyone has messed up dreams sometimes and sometimes they will involve sexual reactions, but it's just your body's sensations getting randomized too, it doesn't need to have a deep secret behind it. My friend had a sexual dream involving
chris-chan and was distraught and sick from disgust upon waking up but it doesn't mean anything kek it's basically just a nightmare
No. 366758
>>366741>99% gone nowThat's great progress. I hope it can be me someday. A TMI for a TMI but I orgasm about almost every time I get this dream, so you can imagine how it makes me feel… I am happy you can control it more or less, you're very authoritative, kek. I'm really glad for you. And thank you for this conversation, really.
>>366746I wouldn't have thought much if it happened only a few times, but it's recurrent, every time I take a nap, it's the exact thing. I can tell it's something my mind needs to process, and it's something I have experienced irl, so I think it has some meaning, in some fucked way. I am really sorry about your friend though, jeez, that'd break me.
No. 366834
>>366524That’s what I though. I’m so desperate, I don’t have a (functioning) SIM card, it got stuck inside my phone after I tried to insert one I got from mother that apparently works here (before that I send a message through WhatsApp to the DV number, said to call the police, so I changed the card because the other one doesn’t work, and…, yeah), so I tried this digital number APP, but is it bad luck?, because it literally can’t fucking call the emergency number(s), but other numbers, it’s weird. Before that, I emailed an ONG, still waiting a response; Today I called another one (non-emergency number), doesn’t understand my bad regional idiom nor English, which it’s understandable. Called the embassy, doesn’t respond, with the lack of credit from the APP it’s harder to do something. My options are fading away. Sorry for the powerleveling, I don’t know what else to do, I’ll try everything as long as I can escape.
I’m from Brazil. Learning the language. I could say the state and city if someone here could call the police if it wasn’t for the fact I could compromise my personal info. Maybe I could create an Proton email. Although now my mom is aware I tried to call and escape while she’s at work, so I don’t know if you would hear more from me. Well, I tried.
No. 367303
>>366841>>366888I’m residing right now in Brazil. So after responding to you guys I guess I should be really worried. I was starting to think if I was exaggerating, probably the gaslighting effect from home, that’s why I posted on this thread to confirm. Technically the day before yesterday nothing happened yet beyond fighting with her (insinuating the police wasn’t going to believe me, that I’m crazy, making me doubt about my perception of reality when, I swear, he told me that and did other suspicious things), more blaming, and making me scared of going to somewhere else, because “Something would happen to you (in a shelter or the streets)”, which is working somewhat, I guess.
>>366887I tried, my mom made me stay here again against my will. Even our neighbor who’s renting the house we are in believes in them even after trying to explain to her what happened as a reason for leaving with my broken portuguese in a desperate attempt, both the rented house and the neighbor’ one are closed inside a gate, don’t have the key and I doubt after the situation I can get them. I don’t know why, but based on what I know about DV and what happened, this doesn’t feel right. He (her boyfriend), also, said “I’m the man of the house” after warning me, and before other things like tolding my mom after the first days of staying here literally ”he looked at a woman’s ass” (with excuses that others in his worplace where doing the same thing), that “I’m a feminazi” amongst other things; he’s really suspicious. But, even now, I’m not 100% sure if I should still seek help (is their gaslighting working?) Should I try to contact a professional? (for free?, by depending on them for everything forcefully I have no money of my own). I guess, at least, I should try that before contacting authorities. I’m feeling like there’s no escape, that I have to normalize this just like I was forced to do in my previous home. On the outside I seem calm just for my mental health.
No. 367789
>>367303absolutely keep seeking help and contact both professionals AND authorities. contact/email resources like domestic abuse centers or something if you can - they/you could run your message thru a translator if the language barrier is too high.
abusive situations like these can really warp one's mindset and you dont realize it until after you get out and have some time to process what happened. i hope you stay safe anon
No. 367895
File: 1703395800621.jpg (123.39 KB, 1139x1080, 1656146768106.jpg)
I think I hate my grandmother. I have disliked her for the past ten years, though it's only become problematic in the past five. This is due to an assortment of reasons, so many that I don't even know where to start. Her emotions flipflop furiously and have done so since my mother first met her (she is my father's mother). I'm adamant that trauma in her youth resulted a PD. I've never met someone with such explosive anger. My childhood with her (though predominantly good) is filled with memories of screaming matches between her and my father, knives dented from slamming against the table, her and her psychologically abusive ex-partner tearing each other to shreds, and my mother removing us kids from the house on many Christmases because of all the fighting. She would never intentionally lash out at us kids, but there were a few instances when I said the wrong thing in a conversation or spoke over her. I'm the only sibling who seems to remember all this - there is three of us, with the oldest being the golden child and the youngest living out of the state and being far too young to remember most of it/see how things are now.
In the last two years, things have been getting to the point that I wasn't comfortable being alone with her as she would lie to me about very serious health conditions (when I tried to show accountability for an incident with my father's cat, she 'suddenly' started having a stroke but refused to have medical assistance to the point I had to force her to the hospital. Still don't know if she even had a stroke) and stoneface me when I disagree with her. The language barrier between us also made things very challenging - this is both our faults though. So I didn't see her often because I didn't want to. Our relationship (what was left of it) understandably declined.
Since my father died in August, I am seeing my grandmother weekly and things have gotten considerably worse. I only see her so regularly to support my older sibling who is starting to realise the person my grandmother is. My sibling however isn't distancing herself because, as the golden child, my grandmother loans her thousands of dollars when she needs it. So she's trapped herself, which is itself is fucking frustrating. Meanwhile my grandmother has started to verbally mock me and call me stupid (I understand more than I speak of her language) or just ignore me completely.
People outside of my family (my boyfriend is the best example) don't see any of this because she puts on her best face for strangers. She thrives off being the centre of attention. My boyfriend adores her, and she's coming to his family's Christmas Eve celebration tonight. I'm dreading seeing her.
Without writing a wall of text I cannot get across all the details as it's such a complicated relationship. I'm just hoping to get some advice. I dread seeing her, and am considering cutting her off and had such lovely thoughts such as 'if you died things would be so much easier'. I hate being this person. I wish I could like her and support her but I just can't.
Nonas, how do I coexist with an immediate family member I despise? Hoping there are a few of you with lived experience that can shed some light on this situation because I'm at a loss at where to go from here.
No. 367920
>>367895I have a younger sister with similar levels of explosive anger. Something as simple as asking "Has the dog been walked yet?" could set her off into a screaming rage calling me whore, filthy dog and other names, often followed by treating me fo the silent treatment for literal days or weeks, until she needed something of me and would talk to me again, which I'd always entertain because I felt I had to be the bigger person and I wanted a normal relationship with her, only for her to treat me like shit directly after. The whole dynamic was incredibly humiliating. Eventually I decided enough was enough and I no longer wanted to be humiliated like that, so I distanced myself from her, basically pretended she wasn't there unless she approached me first. And if she did approach me I gave her short answers and just walked away if she started to get angry, no longer tried to engage with her anger. It worked to a certain degree. Living with her didn't suddenly become pleasant but it became a lot less stressful when I decided to no longer engage with her or her anger.
I think looking back on this experience, I think I had a difficult time conceptualising how much verbal abuse I was taking from her. And I read your story and I think you're in a similar position, even saying how you wish you could like her despite her treatment of you. Any person removed from the situation, like I am from yours, can see how being insulted and getting the silent treatment on a regular basis and dreading visiting her is reason enough to distance yourself from her. But it's difficult to come to terms with that when it's your own family and the whole situation is difficult and layered.
For what it's worth, I a stranger removed from the situation think you're very much justified in cutting her off. What she's doing to you is verbal abuse, and you're not a bad person for actively choosing not to put up with that. I know it's difficult when it's family, but your grandmother is treating you less than a dog. You can't control her but you can control yourself and your choice to repeatedly put yourself in a situation where you're being treated lower than a dog. I know difficult relationships with family members are incredibly complex, and your sister being in debt to her and your boyfriend adoring her certainly don't make things easier, but it can be a simple choice to refuse to continue taking that abuse and dealing with everything else on the principle of not taking abuse.
If anything, I hope that engaging as little with her and her anger as possible when (if) you meet her tonight, helps you limit the stress and dread she causes you. Don't talk to her if not necessary, remove yourself from the situation or conversation if she insults you, give her as little engagement and emotion to work with as possible.
Her being invited to your boyfriend's family's Christmas eve celebration does make me wonder how much he knows and understands of your grandmother's behaviour towards you. Have you not told him, does he not believe you because she masks her real behaviour?
No. 369062
>>368983I had somewhat of a similar experience. I’m so sorry that happened to you, it’s way common.
Here is what helped me
>report the predatorsIt sucks having to address it and you don’t have to do so with your face attached just find them, if they have a gf tell the girls who their man really is, try to tell the police and maybe expose them on Reddit, if they’re niche Internet personalities with large followings then their younger followers are at risk. Whatever you do make sure to stand by what you said. You may not be believed. Don’t back down even if people are like “she’s lying she just wants to ruin his life” He ruined your life so if you ruin his great. I don’t believe in Karma or God so maybe this is why I felt like I had to take matters into my own hands. The cops are assholes btw but at least knowing you warned people is better than staying silent and finding out later on that they repeated on others.
>delete social mediaFor me this was hard to do, I’m an awkward friendless anti social girl, it’s always been this way, I had my Instagram since 8th grade and it was a huge source of unhealthy validation for me. I felt sort of famous even tho I only had like 900 followers kek, so deleting it made me somewhat sad, Facebook and Snapchat just made me annoyed at relatives and people I went to school with so I had no issue deleting that bullshit! You were given validation online at a young age and exploited, and you’re prone to falling in the same cycles. So it’s better if you just cut ties with social media and it no longer exists, those creeps no longer can see you it’s like you were never there, it also relieves you of your fractured sense of identity. Social media is poison for your self esteem anyways with bullshit beauty trends and tip and now that looksmaxxing thing is mainstream, and just instagram thots shopping, men being manwhores, etc. It is not good for your anxiety and depression
>get some creative hobbies that don’t involve the way you looktake up drawing, journaling, knitting, painting anything you could see yourself doing in 40 years still and enjoy and also it’s fun without worrying about anyone else, get lost in your own creations and art. Something you can look back on and be proud of cause you made it!
Makeup and fashion is a meh hobby that doesn’t benefit people with low self esteem and I’d hardly call it a hobby tbh>exerciseTry not to worry about how you look too much, and results, but anxiety is tricky cause you have to sort of beat it out of you, you can’t just be lying around while your mind and heart is racing. Do something with the pent up adrenaline, the reason that anxiety exists is to protect you, as a human we are supposed to be scared of things that harm us, your brain has adjusted to harm done to you and is trying to protect you with all the alarms going off. It’s not nothing, you were violated and exploited as a child. Try to go for runs and listen to some music, this is my favorite exercise because I can do it and just feel better afterwards.
>go see your therapist!I know you have to wait but do not cancel and delay the appointment or anything get it over with and see them, see if you can get a woman counselor cause men will call you dramatic and minimize your issues.
>stay away from moidsYou probably don’t trust them and rightfully so, just avoid them as much as you can. All they do is be shitty and horny. They do not benefit you, and if a man sees you in distress all he wants is to take advantage of you, not rescue you.
I hope I helped nona, you sound a little young tbqh so please remember that you can get through this and love yourself. Don’t eat shitty junk food because it makes you feel shittier too, eat a fruit and vegetable snack at least once a day. I hope things get better from here on out I’m sorry if my advice is so vague and lame
No. 369265
>>369251Probably a better question for a doctor if it’s really intense or you have to stop for your health.
I’m inclined to say just stop cold turkey and the craving will go away in a week or two, maybe sooner. Or just eat a little bit of sweet or salty something because that’s fine if it’s not hurting.
No. 369386
File: 1703730466703.jpg (25 KB, 535x445, download.jpg)
Nonas, i'm not sure where to ask this here and it's a subject i feel awkward about, i don't know if i can do anything about it, but i really really want to cosplay some male characters (not boys) but, i hate to mention this, i have a super dumb feminine body frame, i'm short, generally skinny, wide hips, thick thighs and what bothers me the most is my breasts, my size is very big and i struggle with it normally already but i don't know how i can manage to contain my breasts at all or safely enough.
I don't mind looking a bit feminine in the end because i can't help it too much, that's why most of the characters are quite covered, but i feel like my chest will always be noticeable or that i would suffocate if i try to bind even for half an hour, and i really don't want to resort on genderswapping the characters i want to cosplay. Do you think there's anything i can do or should i just give up?
No. 369915
I am absolutely disgusted about men I like eating. I've never had food insecurity, but I grew up always feeling the most remorse for people who fought over food or didn't have enough, it was like the saddest thing in the world for me. I think being greedy for food is like the worst sin, and thinking of men eating is fucking revolting to me. In theory, I'd love to cook for my moid and have him enjoy the food because I like cooking, but I know that I'd just feel repulsed if he did. I can't bear to think of any male celebrities/idols I like eating because it grosses me out. I just want to know what's wrong with me and how I can fix it, because I don't want it to hinder my relationships and I want to enjoy content of my fav male idols without being sickened. I've pinpointed two possibilities why I'm like this- one because I grew up with my dad who eats food in such a disgusting manner, he's so fucking loud, chews with his mouth open and never shares or is considerate of others. Two, I used to be anorexic and this made me develop views on food and eating that must be 'dainty'. I'm not like this anymore, nor do I extend this belief towards women, it's only towards men.
No. 370248
>>369799I can relate
nonnie. I personally left all family photos back at my Mom's place when we moved away from my father a few months before my Mom actually did the divorce procedure in 2015-2016. The "dad" I had as a kid died when he first laid his hands on my Mom to hurt her in 2004 so as far as that goes, on pictures he's nothing more than the person who contributed to me being born and nothing else. Not having pictures to stir bad memories up in my house helps. And I guess also helps that he died of a stroke in 2018, I don't have to worry about him bothering my Mom, siblings or me ever again.
Out of sight, out of mind works for real in cases like those. Give yourself space.
No. 370413
>Apply for job, don't hear anything for a month
>Book flights to see family early Dec (6th-17th)
>Get call for interview for job I applied for a month and a bit ago, tell him over the phone I'm away for 2 weeks leading up to Christmas
>He says that's fine we've already done the roster, come in for interview
>Go in for interview, get the job, remind him again that I'm away for 2 weeks, he says its fine
>While visiting family (10th Dec) a different manager texts me saying to do X task on their website. Website has a horrible design, cant find where hes meaning to do the task
>Ask him if he could link where to do the task, he texts back just the link to a complete different website, ok sure odd no wonder I couldn't find it
>Do task, message him to say I've done task, no response
>Arrive back home, wait until after Christmas to contact.
>Sent him a text 4 days ago telling him I'm back and able to work, but I don't have a roster log in so I'm unable to check when I'm meant to work and if he could assist me with that as its not something I can do on my end
>No reply
I know I'm retarded but what's the etiquette here?
Do I call the store and ask on the phone for him to help me access my roster or when I am to work?
Do I send another text?
The only reason why I have text is because that's how that manager contacted me instead of calling.
Bonus question: I'm 7 weeks pregnant, when do I tell them I'm pregnant?
I was going to wait until after 15 weeks, or until I show. I've been hired casual.
I've worked for the same company 2 years ago, but never under male managers and him ignoring my asking for help makes me nervous about the workplace as a whole.
No. 370567
File: 1704215093639.jpg (62.64 KB, 500x590, 19e8fdae34f5a9fea7ad0344450203…)
How do you tell the difference between someone who is mentally ill but still lovable, and someone who is mentally ill and doesn't deserve to be in your life? I'm wondering where I fall on this spectrum of "worth it" to "not." My brother and I have a lot of the same problems (his being more egregious by default because he's male) and he is universally disliked by everyone in our family, including myself. All his life he's been abrasive, entitled, and rude. He cut himself off from us over time and as of last year became completely estranged.
Obviously I am much more agreeable and empathetic than him– at least enough to see what a massive douchebag he is. But I'm also a faildaughter freak with moodswings and heretical beliefs. I can be quite irritable and snappy at times, in the past three months I screamed out loud twice, and with some regularity I become so depressed that I think I contaminate the whole house. At the same time, people generally seem to like me. No one in my family talks about me the way they talk about my brother. My aunt says the difference is that I'm "lovable," but I wasn't able to ask her what she meant at the time, and I'm sure it's more complex than just "love."
Let's say you HAD to have a crazy bpd-chan in your life, or any other mental illness you can't stand. You're handed a roster of fucked up weirdos and you have to pick one based on her redeeming qualities. What would you look for? What about her personality or habits or behavior would make her presence "worth it" for you even when she's insane?
No. 370572
>>370569Speaking as someone who has had an abortion, this isn't what you need right now so you should probably have one for your and a potential child's sake. Also consider getting an IUD put in at the same time as the operation if you can afford to. If this is a bad time for a kid it might be a good time to take extra precautions. In this society if you get pregnant the whole burden is on you. It would be your life ruined, not shared burden with him in all likelihood. Do what's best for yourself and your life. Get yourself into a better and happier position.
Children are better off wanted than a burden to juggle through any point in their lives
No. 370821
File: 1704313250253.jpeg (21.8 KB, 238x212, IMG_7233.jpeg)
i found out my ex boyfriend was seeing another woman for the end duration of our relationship. he claims nothing happened between them and they were just friends, but he took her out on new years eve, and was at her house multiple times during our relationship, but i didnt know it was her house until finding out about nye. i moved into my apartment several years ago and this moid just helped himself to my space and moved in. there were so many red flags besides this that i chose to ignore bc i was so attracted to him and so into him. he was also my first male, ive only ever had girlfriends before him. he was a porn addict and a liar, but i ignored it anyway. him betraying me crushed my absolute soul. i feel mentally fucked and i cannot stop thinking about the good times i had with him, the person who i thought he was, and what he is doing with his new girl. i havent eaten a proper meal in like four days and going back to that apartment everyday all by myself makes me depressed. he has cut off all communication with me besides texting me about our lease, which still has another four months on it. i thought this moid was everything to me. how do i forget?
No. 370830
>>370809noise cancelling headphones
>>370821There's no effective cure but time. It might help to get immersed in a new show or game or hobby though. It helps.
No. 370959
>>370569same anon
i went to planned parenthood yesterday and my appointment is this morning (in a couple hours). i’ve barely been sleeping and kinda going back and forth from being completely fine about it to being like unable to stop crying. there’s a million reasons why i can’t have a kid right now and as much as i know i’m making the right decision i know it’s still going to hurt and cause a lot of guilt on my end. i know i shouldn’t be guilty but i think i’ll always wonder what mine or “their” life would be like and i even feel guilty about that. i know i’m doing the right thing for myself and for like the “baby” (i don’t want to call it that omg) because it would be so selfish to bring a child into the situation im in right now. thank you for the advice nonnas i’m thankful to have a good support system but this is still the loneliest i’ve ever felt.
No. 370962
>>370959It's so hard, but it's the right choice for yourself and for the child. Sending you hugs nona.
>>370942Write it all down. Make a table with pros and cons, write down everything you can think of, and make a decision when you feel like you have a clearer mind. Most overthinking is the same thoughts, or variations of the same thoughts, going round in cycles, putting them down on paper can also help you spot any recurring ones that you can then address.
Also, try investing in a cheap fake piercing to see if you like the look of it before you get an actual piercing, or try apps that let you change your hair color before you commit to dyeing it. It'll help you stop overthinking because you're giving your brain something concrete to focus on instead of endless what ifs.
Scarcity mindset is a bitch to get rid of. You need to get to the bottom of it and work on fixing the root of the problem. It's going to take a lot of time, speaking from experience, you're probably going to work through a lot of dead ends before you find the actual root of the problem.
No. 371103
>>370959same anon again
had my appointment during my ultrasound they told me that i’m so early they can’t locate the pregnancy within my uterus. they also said i have a cyst on my ovary but that it might be an ectopic pregnancy. i was sent to the ER and not to get to into my personal life but i’ve been having DEBILITATING panic attacks where i throw up shake cry and pass out for hours and i started to have one in the hospital which just made the already bad experience worse. so emotionally exhausting ive never been through a traumatic event where i’m aware of how traumatizing it is while it’s happening and it feels insane.
No. 371876
I was in therapy for about five years, take an antidepressant and a stimulant for attention, no diagnosed personality disorder. I've never visualised clearer in my mind jumping off the nearby cliffs than when I stopped taking the medicine for a few days, then woke up in the middle of the night with shooting heart aches from emotional pain and remembered how much I dislike the people in my life for reasons that have even already been legitimised by nonnas in this thread. I put up with so much until I couldn't without taking medicine, but this break from them after they ran out has felt so much like rose tinted glasses coming off. Like a crackhead coming down from the high and realising everything is still shit. The medicine even made me get back in touch with family members who abused me physically, emotionally, financially and medically, stealing thousands in benefits for diagnoses for over ten years up until I fled a year ago. My therapist befriended me while helping me flee and is no longer technically my therapist. She says I'm scary off medication which I used to believe but now find manipulative, because I don't confront any of her wrongdoings on it. She stated and has show she cannot deal with confrontation or criticism, including when it's about serious issues that could be easily resolved, and will flip it totally around. She says therapy probably won't be able to help me so suggests not bothering looking for another therapist because our relationship is better. I have met her son and daughter and looked after the daughter's cats. I am currently consoling her through the death of a loved one. She has said I'm sort of like a soulmate. She has paid off debt I got into while she was my therapist so now I owe her 200 a month instead of paying interest. We meet a lot and I like her very much on my meds. My life revolves around her. Without her I have nobody.
I don't trust therapy anymore after mostly negative experiences and I feel that while medicine helps me function through major depression, untreated traumas and ridiculously starved dopamine, it stops my anger with mistreatment and puts me into people pleaser mode, it stops me holding people to any personal standard I might have, and it stops my fight or flight response so I accept what I otherwise would fight or flee. But I get no support off medicine, none. It's like being the alcoholic who quits and their "friends" mysteriously disappear and have nothing in common. Off medicine, I just get responses that range from obvious disconnection with what I say or outright scathing rejection. All I have to test this out with is family and the two therapists I still meet that aren't my therapists now (although the other is far less close), but the difference is night and day when I take medicine so it's the easiest fix. It doesn't fix anything inside me. It fixes whatever they feel is difficult about me and makes me not care anyway. Should I keep taking the medicine? I want to die without it because I see no options for how fucked up my life is. Should I stop taking it? Is there really a therapist out there I could tell this to who wouldn't be in the job only to feel like a good, likeable person but could truly help me even if they didn't like me, who wouldn't run away from my complex emotions, or is it too much? These couple therapists I've seen seem sheltered as at the end of our time in therapy together they said they received my anger as personal or frightening. Both times I was not in a good mood talking about extreme abuse and their responses before that were unhelpful at best and apathetic at worst, which I told them, but we had bonded for other reasons which made it difficult for me to walk away. Baring in mind both have blatantly crossed boundaries which is damn clear off medicine, so the "your anger feels personal/frightening" came off as a cop-out but that reception had longlasting consequences as far as bottling everything up and prioritising niceness over exploring literal trauma.
No. 372087
Since the end of the relationship with my ex, a lot of priorities in my life had changed. My self worth increased along with my maturity level and the hobbies I enjoy in my daily life. I've increasingly stopped playing video games, I haven't touched a console in months except to watch a movie with my boyfriend and a friend of his. My computer is basically rendered useless because I intentionally do not have an Internet connection in my apartment, I'm using my phone way less because of this too, which also brings me to not visit websites that you would normally visit if you were terminally online so I'm way out of the loop with memes and Internet degeneracy, except for my occasional lolcow news. Things feel more simple and I'm able to focus on productivity and not preoccupy my time with quick dopamine hitting activities and trying to find humor in things that are disturbing as much anymore.
I recently have found myself feeling more distant from my group of friends because of these priority shifts and this past weekend pretty much cemented the fact we are on the road to growing apart.
Me, my friends, and my boyfriend had all gone out for dinner. The conversations had at the table were based around porn addicts and Internet degeneracy, which I really do wish these topics would be a thing of the past I could forget about. We sat in a smaller type of family restaurant, so it became very uncomfortable discussing all this in public. My boyfriend had ended up zoning out staring at the television playing in the restaurant and I tried participating in the conversation to get the topic changing, but one of my friends kept bringing the topic back to something sexual and everyone else kept it going. Even when dinner was over, we all evenly split the bill and I asked my friends if they could reimburse me for liquor I didn't drink. One of my friends had a hard time sending me their section of the reimbursement back and he offered to just buy me snacks to make up for it.
When we got back to my car, my boyfriend had to vent about how uncomfortable he felt being asked by my friends if he knew what thughunting was how inappropriate the topics in general were, and the fact there were children in the area, he immediately thought about how harmful it would be for them to hear things like that. On top of that, he mentioned how they all smoked too and the fact that we don't, he said how he didn't want to be around any of the smoke. He profusely apologized for going off about it, but I told him he's not wrong for feeling that way because I've been feeling more distant from my friends myself because of those things. I keep giving my hopes up maybe they'll start wanting to discuss things about daily real life and not Internet topics that you could only understand if you were an active chan user, but it doesn't turn out that way unless we're talking one-on-one. I mean, were all in our 30s except for one who's in his 20s.
I wish it weren't this way, because they're the only people I know since I've lived where I do now. It's a fairly short time, but they're all I really know. I've witnessed extremely special moments with them, and my best friend has been there for me through tough times, she offered to let me live with her for a bit, and she's also given me excellent advice when it came to my own self respect and self worth.
This in turn also makes me worry for her too. I don't think this is the exact future she wants. Since their marriage, it feels like she's regressing to unhealthy habits, so many times I visit, she's in front of the TV playing a video game. And with the smoking and drinking, I remember her saying she doesn't smoke when we first met, but that turned out to be false. I am too afraid to even ask about her wellbeing because I don't want offend her. I do like her husband when we have one on one conversations, they could go on for hours, but he seems to be the most immature one, being the youngest of the group. It frustrates me because he's vocal about the dangers of porn and porn addiction, yet he will let a joke about porn addiction go on for way too long and bring up even more horrifying topics relating to sexual degeneracy.
My personal opinion is he is not as responsible as he makes himself out to be. He currently does not have stable income while my best friend is working long hours and making most of the income, one thing he has to save him is his rich parents. He had a part time job and quit it to focus on his dream career, but not much progress has come from that since then. This kind of situation of financial irresponsibility is one of the reasons why my ex and I did not last very long compared to my previous relationships. If I'm the one paying for everything, I feel taken for granted. Last time I talked to my best friend, I even heard the cope that if he can't make it, he'll for sure be able to kick himself into gear once she is pregnant in a few years because he's still fairly young.
Another reason why I feel like I can't approach her about all this is because she makes herself inseparable to him, because of course he's her husband. Most events are at their house, she makes him drive her majority of the time, she allows her devices to be available to him. It doesn't feel like I can truly be private with her.
Besides her, my other friend, her husband is the oldest in the group and he basically has next to no responsibility too. He at least has a stable income at a part time job, but he's way too online. Last time I was over at their place, he sat in front of his two screens the entire conversation while scrolling through 4chan too. It's basically a similar situation and she's been with him for almost a decade.
I talked with my boyfriend about these worries too and he says it's likely a society thing, not to minimize the situation, but like for me it's difficult to even find new friends, let alone find people who aren't so connected to Internet degeneracy, especially when you're someone who likes obscure video games. At the end of the day, I'm assuming my female friends do want to have a mature life, but their husbands are in part weighing them down due to gaming or financial issues.
But my question is, how do I approach them about this worry when they're married? Is it my decision to just leave this group of friends behind and find more friends who are on the same page as me?
My boyfriend is offering for me to reach out to his friends and hang with them one on one if I wanted to, many of them have families and it feels like he really wants to extend his life with mine, which is very comforting knowing we intend to keep a long term relationship. I don't like comparing, but the topics his friends have are definitely more productive and they have etiquette where if an adult topic is mentioned, it's communicated via text while out in public.
No. 372199
>>372175NTA but I met my husband in fandoms. Which does indeed make me think I'm lucky, because fandoms usually reek of absolute degenerates. Meanwhile, mine legitimately doesn't seem to fully understand what a fetish is. During my worst coomerbrain years I tried to ask and pry out of him what gets him going, but he just kept saying things like making me feel good, or things that fall under default healthy attraction to your partner's body. When I was at my worst porn brainrot stage, I even considered him stupid, thought never said that.
As time went by, I realized how wrong I was about both myself and him in that regard, and he pretty much healed my sexual self-harm, and me as a whole, much better than kink-shaming in critical spaces. While I still have some fetishes, they're not poisoned by self-hatred anymore, and I see now how messed up my mind was for craving things that I did. I'm saying all this because now, after all these years and a shifted perspective, seeing statements like this
>>372074 is genuinely concerning. I too thought that it is a bait, but if it isn't, I don't care if nonna will consider me an evil kinkshamer. Be grateful for finding a man that actually loves you, in the world where that is considered abnormal, where default state of heterosexual "attraction" is inherent hatred and degradation of women, where women sexualize their own man-made inferiority all while men will happily exploit it.
No. 372376
File: 1704857190788.png (397.29 KB, 500x355, 1650074163899.png)
I'm experiencing sickness every month now. I'm going through the relevant avenues to get checked out (scans, tests, whatever) and figure out what the fuck is wrong with me, but the waiting game is intense considering I know the worst case scenario.
I am struggling with being sick so often not just physically but emotionally and mentally. I end up feeling like a useless piece of shit during these bouts of sickness. I feel like a shit employee and a lazy person, even though I need to sit my ass down and rest otherwise I'll just lengthen my recovery time. I'm trying to be productive by studying my topic of study before my semester starts for the year and keeping my house clean. Still the feeling remains. It's toxic as hell. How do I overcome this feeling?
Pic unrelated but hopefully I soak up some of his warm aura.
No. 372854
>>372604I grew up with a mum who was very anti-conflict and therefore I was in the same boat of being unable to tolerate people being mad at me or standing my ground. Don't beat yourself up about being this way - the fact you're actively trying to stick up for yourself now is proof you've got guts.
I'm thinking it's not people being upset at you is the issue, rather the implication of them disliking you.
The way I made progress in this area with my friends is by asking myself 'would they really hate me over this situation in which I pissed them off?'. Because even mad is a very strong word! Your friend was likely a little miffed at waiting for you, but there isn't anything more than that otherwise you guys wouldn't have had a great day after that. She's not about to end your friendship because of it. Rather your friendship is strong because she was honest with you about how she felt. And if there was ever a case of a friendship ending because of something so menial like being late once, then you likely don't want to be friends with someone so focused on the small stuff in the first place. (Of course it there are repeated small events over a period of time, that may be different).
People being mad or pissed or miffed at you isn't necessarily a bad thing, and I guess that's what I overcame and you are working towards. Some people use it as a weapon against other people (and experiences like this made me anti-conflict in the first place kek), but it's better used as a tool. It can help you build stronger friendships and relationships because you and the other person aren't afraid to be yourselves around one another, stick up for what's important to you, and take the time to work through those issues together.
And sorry to leave the bitter pill to the end, but here it is. At the end of the day however some people just won't like you. If you're someone who stands up for themselves, that's inevitable. You will likely have people dislike you just because you live the life you want to live. But there's no point being a people pleaser to those people who don't like you because A) they'll take advantage of you (especially moids), and B) nobody likes a people pleaser because their 'favours' seem ingenuine and their dislike may grow stronger because of that - ironically. Quiet people are sometimes just quiet, saying that as a quiet person kek. It's not about you, but your nervousness makes you think it is. If you assume people don't like you because they're quiet and you are trying to build rapport with them by being a people pleaser then you are actually more interested in getting them to 'like you' than actually getting to know them. Again, ironically, that you may actually cause people to dislike you by trying to be liked! You're not being a bad person, and the people pleasing is likely because of anxiety. But keep all that in mind because the sooner you're able to stop being a people pleaser, the easier you'll find it to have better social connections.
It's going to be hard to get to the place you wanna be but I promise you nona once you start overcoming your anxiety around people disliking you will feel so much more confident and happy.
No. 372903
Nonnas, I feel like something is very weird with a job opportunity I passed up and I would like advice on how to handle my feelings. A while back I posted
>>366563 and the situation has been kinda odd. The short version is that I ended up working for them for 3 days and left because it turns out they wanted me to be a manager after by the end of next week (so after 6 days of work). I was told off for not fully learning the ropes on my third day working there and I was given an option to leave so I took them up on that. I've been feeling disappointed in myself because I couldn't do it, was that an unrealistic expectation that was put on me that I should just brush off as a weird blip?
No. 372905
>>372903Just some more details
>I applied months ago >they got back to me only very recently>communication was very bad and spaced out on their end taking days at a time to respond>I go to the interview and they add things about the job that were not advertised in the job description, essentially meaning the job I applied for was not the job they were offering>I have 0 experience working in this type of job but I try anyway because it would mean I only have to learn a few extras>they don't actually contact me for almost a month after the interview>first day is OK, second day is great, third day I'm called in for a word>told I'm not performing at the level of a manager and give me the option to either pull the plug or work for them elsewhere>the employees told me too much weird shit about working there that I noped out and took the offer to leave I feel like I'm gaslighting myself into thinking I should have been able to get familiar enough to be a manager in that short span of time, but part of me is worried that maybe they've done this before and that I'm just delulu over my first day's being good experiences?
No. 372926
>>372906>>372907It feels very bizarre. I just worry that this is a me problem because it was done so casually
>>372920I'm going to drop my uniform into the location on Monday where I'll be collecting my wages. I also want to put it out there that the salary was not included on the job listing or brought up in the interview, but I found out that I would have been receiving minimum wage
No. 372993
File: 1705081690766.jpg (37.66 KB, 754x505, 8hwf9832hf98h380.JPG)
Outgoing nonnies, can you please give some tips on making friends? Meeting new people isn't an issue, and I do pretty okay in group conversations, but I can't figure out how to develop acquaintances into friends.
The main thing is I know I'm supposed to ask follow-up questions about stuff someone is talking about, but I'm terrible at thinking of good questions on the spot. Even when I'm really interested and want the other person to tell me more, I just draw blanks. How do I get better at this?
The other thing is that I'm really negative and cynical (not in a depressive way, more like I enjoy making fun of things I think are stupid way more than gushing about things I think are good or cool) and I'm scared of turning people off by being overly mean/critical so I dial it back as much as possible. But I feel like people can tell I'm not being authentic. I can manage a friendly but professional relationship like you'd have with a nice coworker, but I've had real friends before so I know I'm not getting there. How do I tell if that's a mutual feeling or if it's just in my head because I feel kinda fake?
No. 373109
>>372949not sure if you'd be able to find this out during an interview or while reading job postings, but a high turnover rate can be a huge red flag. There might be exceptions but most of the time if a company's constantly rotating employees, then there's a big reason people are not staying. So even if you can't find this out during interviews and end up taking a job, try to suss it out from other employees. If any job seems desperate to have you (even if you feel like you haven't done that well at the interview), keep that in mind. Might be that they're just a good company that had one good person leave, but it could also be they're so short staffed because nobody wants to work there. Again, this is probably something you'd find out once you're already working there.
A previous reply mentioned trial shifts and I agree, any company who asks you to work a trial shift (and usually they never seem to compensate people monetarily) prior to hiring you, is not a company you want to work for. There's a reason probationary periods exist, so both you and the employer can see if you're a good fit. Trial shifts are bullshit and me nor anyone I know has ever had a good experience with them or the company even if they ended up being hired.
Also, any workplace that pushes the whole "we are just a big family, we're all so close, etc" bullshit. Nothing wrong with a friendly, tight-knit workplace, especially if it's a small business, but any job that pushes and leans on it too heavily usually means that people are punished for having any sort of life outside of work and you'll be punished for saying no to things like coming in early, staying late, doing more than your own share of work, etc.
Also, the following isn't really a red flag, but make sure when you're applying that the job postings are consistent with the details. So if it mentions a certain pay and hours in the summary but says something completely different in the detailed job description or even during the interview, take note. Maybe it's not too common but better to be safe than sorry.
Good luck in your job search, and most importantly, don't be afraid to ask questions! Ask why the position you're applying for is open, etc (if it applies, of course). I wish you the best of luck and may you never find yourself in a bad workplace situation again.
No. 373222
>>373205It's a group chat, anon, that's what I meant when I said I was too invested. I can't leave without distancing myself from all of our friends for no reason, if I could do that and keep everyone added besides her, I would, but they don't do DMs so we'd end up drifting.
I don't like that you implied I'm the worse person on this situation for being a "fake friend" (whatever that means), I mean it when I say I spent all that time making a genuine effort because opinions can change, I was
prepared to be wrong about her if it really was a "me" issue. If she was just a coworker I'd gladly keep my distance politely but it's not that easy, that's why I added the context of mutuals. At least I can recognize it's just a difference of personality when I could be blaming her or shit stirring to push her out, I've never discussed my frustrations or talked shit behind her back anywhere besides my OP. I hope somebody else who's actually been in this situation can respond instead of dismissing me because they couldn't read between the lines.
No. 373242
File: 1705175839477.jpeg (4.32 MB, 3473x2456, F7xHkAeXoAArVv-.jpeg)
Anyone with misophonia who is dealing with it effectively? It is genuinely ruining my life, I am not even exaggerating, well… maybe I am. But it really feels like it's taking over my life. I cannot talk to anyone, be with anyone. I feel like the number of triggers are growing. Every noise, every single noise puts me in this blind suicidal rage or sadness, I end up crying, hurting myself physically, I have scars on my face from hitting myself because I just cannot take it. I can't watch certain scenes in movies, songs, restaurants. The noise of kissing. I couldn't listen to lectures because of the sounds, fucked my GPA up. I can't listen to my boss or my coworkers. I am so snappy and isolated because of it. Noise-cancelling headphones have been effective, they're not a solution though… and I don't have them with me all the time and people find it rude, it's just a mess. I feel crazy, miserable and alone. The only person who understands is my mother because she has it too, so she can empathize. Anyone who got better?
No. 373243
>>373222I've been in a similarish place, where a new friend in a new friend group i met became so so grating but it's a personality difference and everyone else seems to have no problems. the best answer I found is just DMing the others separately (I know you said you tried it) and finding contentment with the slow drifting apart, because if the others aren't invested enough to also send DMs, then they're friends w me more for the convenience of it rather than wanting to keep the specific friendship. or sometimes, the more space you allow yourself in relationships, the more you realize you're better off with it, and the friendship simmers down into something less frequent but also more natural and easier to maintain. no need to torture yourself over a constant one-sided headbutting when you gave it a fair shot, you're just worsening your mental and emotional health with it and wasting time and energy you could put towards something more fulfilling. maybe you can watch a show you and one other friend has been excited for together in DMs and get that friend more used to talking in DMs/individual voice chat! or just text your reactions to each other or something.
it's also a fair guess that you're in your 20s and its a period of life where there's always something else you could do to benefit just you yourself and thy. in the most disappointing case, you can throw yourself into a physical hobby like painting bullshit to cultivate yourself
No. 373245
>>372031as an artfag who also had an encounter with a
toxic personality disorder male as you described, avoid them. It is highly unethical and immoral to further engage with this sort of male in every single way both emotionally and logically speaking. Not only is it damaging to yourself it is also damaging to the male himself and your man and everyone else around you in your environment and your family and friends and other loved ones. These relationships will never turn out well. Last
toxic and broken guy I tried to actually be kind to ended up ruthlessly smear campaigning me and twisting my words into horrible lies and impersonating me after I tried to leave in good terms and wish him the best in life. Why even trust this sort of male? I say a """beta""" male sounds much better in every single way, also beta is a very incel term. If you are a true empath or truly sensitive you would see how dangerous a situation is to everyone around you, not just your own sanity or the moid's sanity but your family members as well and the sort of destructive consequences engaging with a man like that will bring so cut it off as soon as possible. But also remember these men are just like this, it cannot be helped and by no means are they truly bad people they just have trauma. Don't resent them just forgive them, learn the lessons needed, and get on permanent no contact. You cannot "fix" someone, you never will be able to.
No. 373265
Anons with younger siblings, how do you handle financial differences?
Today my grandpa (playfully) scolded me for being stingy, because my sister complained to him that I never pay for her, and now I feel both guilty/ashamed but also angry. On the one hand I could easily afford to spoil her but on the other hand her consoomerism disgusts me. I just know that every cent I'd give to her would go to just more Shein clothes. She goes shopping multiple times per week in person and on top of that also orders multiple packages. But what pisses me off the most is her constant complaining to my parents, about how spoiled her friends in uni supposedly are. Maybe it's true, so many parents hopelessly spoil their kids rotten nowadays, but I also often suspect that she's lying in order to guilt my parents into buying her more. I know that I'm very frugal and own very few clothes but when I was her age (19) my friends and I never bought as much as her either, we all owned little and had to dress oddly, frumpy, whatever, while she looks exactly like some ig influencer. I guess I'm just bitter that teen me didn't have anybody buying anything for me and now I'm suddenly in this position there I could become that person.
My brother is only 1 year younger than I but still studying. He is living abroad, has nearly no income and is living so poorly that I feel very sorry for him. Him I would actually like to give money, but I know that he would reject it. On christmas I usually buy the presents for my parents and then him and I do 50:50 but I feel so bad for letting him pay anything, knowing he barely buys food for himself.
It feels so weird to go from being a student to suddenly earning so much. I never buy anything for myself, I still constantly think that everything is too expensive for me.
I have no idea how to handle this issue with my siblings.
No. 373282
>>373265Why on earth would you need to pay for her shopping trips? Shouting meals when you go out together or occasional gifts are pretty normal for the older sibling, but the way you phrased it makes it sound like they expect you to actually hand over cash that she can spend on whatever she wants. That's ridiculous, she's an adult and financing her lifestyle is nobody's job but her own, least of all yours. If anything parents and grandparents are the ones who hand over cash and spoil kids.
It sounds like you're earning a lot now, if you truly feel guilty and want to get everyone off your back, you still shouldn't give her money to waste. But you could start a savings account in her name or buy her some shares or something. And you should be clear about why you are doing that instead of funding her consooming and turning her into a spoiled brat. You could also use that as an excuse to do the same for your brother (his pride might not let him accept cash but it's hard to argue with 'i did it for her so you get an equal amount'). Ofc that's assuming you really do have enough money to share, that's going above and beyond imo.
No. 373289
>>373263wdym by "copy and paste"? a goodbye-im-blocking-you message? or explaining how your friendship went sour because of him?
either way theres no use in trying to make any cavetroll like that acknowledge you in any way. the pain he inflicted on you was on purpose and it was the point of it.
No. 373293
>>373263not to be rude
nonnie but what difference would it make if you sent him a well-worded letter or just ghosted him? this dude 100% does not have the emotional intelligence to appreciate you doing that and will probably use you sending that message as another chance to emotionally manipulate you into staying. especially since you're worried abt him retaliating in some way you should just ghost him ASAP and get over the initial sting of guilt about it. even if he feels wronged there's no reason to care what this pathetic ass moid thinks about you or anything else for that matter.
maybe to help yourself process your own feelings on this, you can write a "letter" to him without actually meaning to send it. it's a thing people do in therapy. or if writing it like a letter would be too tempting, write it to yourself or like a bullet list or smth. but whatever you do, block his ass immediately
No. 373438
>>373265Did I misread your post or are you somehow expected to bankroll your siblings? You have parents, yes? I don't know why
>>373282 mentioned you starting a savings account for your sister. She's got enough money for Shein hauls, she can save up if she wants to. I agree with everything else in that post though, what the fuck, you're not obliged to cover anyone's expenses.
Put your money into savings for yourself, you won't regret being an ebil stingy bitch when an emergency comes up or when you're buying a new car. Your sister can get a job and pay for her own shit. Next time your grandpa playfully scolds you for being stingy playfully tell him that he can go fund your sister's shopping addiction instead, tee hee.
No. 373499
>>373289>>373293>>373304I'm a bit anxious about it but I'm ghosting and blocking him now after years. He'll still have our chat logs which isn't ideal as far as cutting the association, wish he got nothing to cling onto. Thanks nonnies.
>>373485Fawn response. I always gave the benefit of the doubt. I'm a recovering people pleaser who's learning not to be scared of offending someone by letting them know I disagree and to believe when someone shows the thing they are instead of going into denial.
He twisted the gore as if it was just factual parts of true crime cases, which he began to send me a lot of from YouTube in the past year, and acted like he was empathising with the
victims by sharing how badly he felt with details and photos of the worst ones like Junko Furuta and Sylvia Likens. Trauma porn. But he also said if he's been made miserable by them, I need to be miserable too. I found it impossible to trust my perceptions of little comments like that because we're both so sarcastic it blurred boundaries. I got guilted by his sob stories, suicide threats and attempts when I stopped replying, manipulated into doubting myself whenever I questioned him and into feeling responsible for his wellbeing, was very isolated. I'm growing and he never will.
No. 373526
I don't know how to keep friends. Every time I meet someone that I genuinely want to be friends with, it's like having a crush. I get excited to see their messages, I daydream about spending time with them, I think of things that might make them laugh or make them happy. My heart aches with how badly I want them to like me too. But every single time, if they start to reciprocate that same enthusiasm, it's like someone pulls a plug in my brain and all that love is gone, and suddenly everything feels dangerous. I start to dread when they reach out because the pressure to respond in a way that will keep them happy is overwhelming. If it's a fandom or creative friend and they start to ask me about my OCs or projects or anything it makes me panic, like I'm being exposed, even if I KNOW I want to talk about those things. A couple times friends have drawn gift art for me or similar things and of course I thank them profusely but inside I feel so sick with shame that haunts me for days afterwards. It's hard to even put the feeling into words, but it's almost like I start to resent them for seeing me as a person? But I know that I'd get equally bothered if they just kept using me as a sounding board or whatever too. And that resentment and pressure and guilt just builds up even when they've done nothing wrong, and inevitably I just drift away and never speak to them again.
It sucks. I don't want to be alone and I don't want to hurt people who are just genuinely being kind and invested in me, but it's such a deeply-rooted instinct to shut down when people do nice things for me that I don't know how to even begin with changing it. I daydream about having a friend a lot, but everything about friendship terrifies me when I experience it, and it ends up making me more unhappy than when I'm alone. I know some of it is self-esteem issues and just generally being paranoid that people are only being nice out of pity or because I serve some purpose to them that I can't keep up forever. It's just all so exhausting. Has anyone had similar issues or known someone that's managed to make progress?
No. 373651
>>373526Nonna, are you me? I'm in the same kind of art circle with similar issues of running away and not allowing myself to get too close. I feel like I'm always putting on a performance, saying what I know they want to hear, entertaining them when they express interest in my OCs/art but secretly hating the person I pretend to be. It feels like a double life.
You're right about it being self esteem related, and honestly, I wish I had advice for you. I've stopped running away from people after years of doing so mostly because I just no longer have the energy. That and my art is tied to accounts I don't want to nuke/run from, so it forces me to be accountable and present. I totally relate to slowly resenting people for seeing you as a person in art groups, I don't know why it happens but hopefully you find comfort in knowing it's not uncommon.
Maybe you need to make friends who aren't in those circles. That way there's nothing to "prove" to them. My closest friends do nothing digital art related, and instead are in other creative fields or none at all. I know it's nice meeting people with mutual interest in art/fandom, but there's so much that can go wrong, like feeling like there's competition, experiencing impostor syndrome, idolizing others, etc. The only way I've kept contact with anyone remotely art related is by acknowledging them as connections or possible commission clients, which sounds shitty to say, but is the truth. Sorry anon, I realize now that none of this probably means much at all, but I wish you luck as someone in the same boat as you.
No. 374106
Anons how do I know if I'm being persistent and strong-willed or actually just being prideful and stubborn? I don't know if my degree program is right for me. It's mathematics related, and there's so much theory, and it's not even in my first language, but the thing is I knew this was difficult but applied for it anyway. Sometimes I can understand and get by with the content, but it always takes me hours of doing it by myself first, usually cramming because I get so distracted in lectures I don't hear a single thing or really even care to, then I always say I will self study but procrastinate until eventually giving up. I feel like the only reason I'm still doing this is just to prove to myself and to other people around me that I can, I really get the feeling that all my friends think I'm a dumbass who's going to fail over and over again, and the thing is they're probably right but I don't want that to be the case. It doesn't help that I never apply myself. I'm stuck in a loop of saying "well I didn't actually study/try so it doesn't count. If I actually studied I'd be doing so much better" but the thing is I'm starting to doubt if that's even true because I can never push myself to actually make an attempt. I feel like I'm scared of the possibility of trying and still failing, because then I really just am a moron. If I do switch, I don't know what I'd be studying instead, I have no passions, nothing sounds interesting and my only missions are to make it through each day right now. Another reason I'm hesitant is because I don't want to waste any more time, I know I'm not old, I'm 22 and it's normal to still figure things out, but I feel like such a failure seeing people finish their degrees meanwhile I'm here not even making it at the start. It took me so long to get here so I don't want to just throw that all away by starting again.
This is really all over the place but I guess I just need advice on whether it's ok to "power through" a degree like math? So many other people have already dropped out or switched to something else, but I really wanted this to be it for me. It's very strenuous and I'm such a weak person but I just can't handle being such a failure to launch. I want to finish what I've started but also lack the motivation to prove that I'm capable of it. Today 2 friends who study the same thing both straight up said that maybe I should just switch to something else and it really got to me because that means I really am coming off as a dumbass who's in over her head. I want this to work, I just don't know how to fix myself and my mentality
No. 374131
File: 1705525221800.png (321.7 KB, 376x346, 1512.png)
Any nonna had experience with external hard disks? I should look more into it but i'll try to ask it here too.
One time i bought a pricy 1 terabyte (or more, can't remember) one because i thought i would use it for my whole life, but after i've lended it to a family member it became unusable (too slow, couldn't load or transfer anything).
Now i really want to buy a new one to keep and save all my husbando content inside (which is a lot but i don't know how much precisely yet), but i'm scared that i would lose all the files once the hard disk will decide to die.
Is there any other alternative or anything i should look into before buying? I want to keep it all in a physical device, not online.
No. 374133
>>374131The smaller ones are more prone to damage either from shaking/knocking them around or the enclosures sata to usb gives out
Personally I'd just get a normal 2.5" hdd and sata to usb dock to go with it, keep it stationary and it should last
No. 374219
>>374106I'm in an identical situation to you– a 22 year old math major entering her last semester. I've struggled with the same things you speak of like procrastinating and low self esteem and the feedback loop both create and as a result I've accumulated an embarrassing number of F's, D's, and C's both with only one semester left to go before I'm done, I'm powering through it. Knowing I have pretty much no shot for grad school and that my gpa is abysmal can feel pretty disheartening but deep down I know none of it really matters that much and as good as my peers may be, I don't think I'd want to be surrounded by mathematicians much longer anyhow. With only a semester left for me (and you, I assume), I think powering through it is the best way to go. I'm gonna try to stay on top of my work this semester, take copious notes and do practice problems, and try to not get so psyched out when looking at problem sets and take-home exams or listening to my peers and their mathematical mentally-masturbatory conversations behind me in class, or wondering how my performance might fail to measure up to there's. In the end, I only need a C anyway. I'll be rooting for you too.
No. 374275
>>374274Nta. I was like you, started something at 22 I didn't particularly care for but felt the need to finally get school over with and finally get a full time schooled job like all my friends. Guess what, it made me miserable (even though I was pretty good at it), I dropped out and started again at 25 for something that I actually liked.
I'm not saying you should start over, especially since you said you don't know what else you'd like to study, but be careful making decisions based on how you're perceived by your friends/others because it isn't super easy or comfortable to change fields or go back for something you actually like once you're out of education and have financial responsibilities. It's definitely not impossible either but it's something you have to take into consideration. It's better to start again at 23 if you have to than at 25 like I did, or 30.
Aside from your program being difficult, do you like it? Do you think you'll be happy (or at least content) working in that field? Or will the only thing you get out of it be that you proved to your friends you could finish a degree?
No. 374276
>>374261it takes time to heal from the betrayal and pain caused by an
abusive former partner. that doesn't mean you'll never be able to have another relationship with a man if you want to. from the way you speak about yourself (being disgusted with yourself, your low self esteem, calling yourself broken) it seems like you may have a tendency to diminish yourself and you don't deserve that. it isn't easy to repair your self esteem after surviving abuse but if you are able to regain some confidence that will make it easier for you to develop relationships in the future. most importantly, you deserve to feel good about yourself.
No. 374285
File: 1705589182466.jpeg (89.83 KB, 640x480, 9D12DB8C-D0D9-4B17-B0D8-D54F8B…)
My sister told me she made a “roblox roleplay friend group”. She’s 12. I looked into a few of the accounts but I didn’t want to straight up ask for her phone to review the content of the roleplay group (I wouldn’t exactly be receptive to that in her position). The accounts I saw seem relatively innocuous and I like to think she’s versed in internet safety. Should I snoop any further? Is she old enough to watch her own back? I just would hate more than anything to see her get wrapped up in something insidious. Might just be my paranoia. I asked her what she roleplays and she said “being in roblox high school” kek.
No. 374473
>>374471Can you be more specific? It honestly sounds like she can’t do much. Have you googled yourself or used any snooping sites (
https://search.0t.rocks/ comes to mind) to see if your name and city even bring any other information up? Do you have your face and name online publicly? If you don’t she can’t do anything. Blocking and ignoring is pretty much always the right move.
You could lie to her and say like “omg my grandma died and I have to go be with extended family for two weeks, she lives in the sticks and there’s no internet there so we can’t talk until I get back” then abandon the account and never talk to her again lol
No. 374976
File: 1705881851371.jpeg (129.9 KB, 864x612, moff.jpeg)
How do you divert your attention from maladaptive daydreams about romance etc? I recently left a very unfulfilling long term relationship that hadn't been meeting my sexual or affection desires for a long time, and now that i'm finally "free" and dont need to feel guilty about these impulses, I find myself constantly salivating over the idea of a particular cute guy (not someone i can actually date irl) doting on me. I can't stop thinking about it. I'm falling into the maladaptive daydreaming trap and building out an alternate universe in my brain. I don't want to be a total fucking sperg and I know that I need to focus on going outside and meeting people IRL and advancing my life and doing shit that's going to make me happy but instead i just wanna lay in bed and think about a perfect boyfriend I don't have
No. 375009
File: 1705893548579.jpg (83.3 KB, 540x720, unintelligent.jpg)
What are some ways I can tell if a guy takes an interest in me in particular vs. if he's just being friendly and social? I need it to be explained like I'm stupid
There's a guy who always says hi and comes up to talk to me (like starting a whole conversation) whenever I see him. Today I saw him in a cafeteria-like setting and he invited me to have dinner with him, then grabbed a chair so I could sit next to him even though the table was already crowded. He also gave me his number on the basis that we were both attending an event where the room where it's hosted in isn't set in stone, so I can call him if I can't find it. It sticks out to me since I don't notice other people treating me this way and he seems to talk to me regardless of who else is in the room… But I kinda like him and I'm not very socially versed so idk if this is just wishful thinking and he's just extroverted. Does it sound like I'm reading too far into things? Any signs I should watch for? I kind of feel like an awkward high schooler asking this but idk who to talk to about it.
No. 375045
File: 1705909492105.jpg (29.07 KB, 568x301, shinj.jpg)
a girl i was friends with, who i ended the friendship with years ago, for the past two weeks or so has been going through my list of followers and contacting any mutuals and people i'm friends with to tell them a bunch of lies about me. this is the cosplay community so of course, ignoring her comes with the risk of also being targeted for being friends with someone "problematic" so im sure a lot of people are distancing from me just to stay safe if nothing else. i've lost almost all of my local mutuals and friends because of her. i am likely going to be banned from all of my local conventions because of her, if enough people believe her and she can rally them into submitting complaints. she has already successfully done this to someone else.
what should i do? what is the best way to handle this? i have been completely ignoring it and her aside from letting a few friends know what's going on who have decided to stick with me. now i'm going to take a break from my socials, too, because its been too painful watching friends block me randomly throughout the day. i feel so helpless.
No. 375222
>>375219journaling is a good outlet for pretty much anything and would help a lot in this case imo. it felt like taking my brain back a bit for me and reassured myself that i wasnt crazy or hysterical about how bad things got. i think you'd only have to worry about ruminating too much on it if you e.g write the list and a year later you're still re-reading it to the point that it actively lowers your quality of life/re-
triggers you/starts an emotional downspiral. congrats on getting out of there anon
No. 375258
File: 1705993073404.png (168.77 KB, 500x330, tumblr_ll37wwa5sn1qd4c2t.png)
>>375045Life is way too short to spend worrying about some retard over the internet, anon.
No. 375718
>>375045If she's lying, why not tell everyone she isn't telling the truth in an official statement on your social media? I think the main problem is that you ignored what happened for so long and stayed radio-silence, so people assumed your silence = the bitch is telling the truth.
I'm not blaming you, cause these things are scary, but ignoring this won't do anything, especially if she is spreading the rumour around such a small local community. Better to be upfront and be done with it.
Also, fuck any "friends" who didn't reach out to you to clear things up when that happened and just blocked you, soulless bastards. Cosplay is full of retards, istg.
No. 376521
>>376380I'm like you anon, I've tried some yoga classes with a group as a way to get comfortable with being around people when exercising but I can't feel at ease to do any of those classes or go to the gym for real
plus my sportswear bras always end up doing a nip slip when I do a plank or downward dog cuz big cups sports bras are the worst .
If you're comfortable with being in a swimsuit, then going to the swimming pool instead of the gym should help some of your agoraphobia. Why? Cuz nobody gives a fuck about you when they're in a huge body of water that they could drown in if not focused on their movement. But you will be swimming like the rest of them so you'll feel some sense of achievement.
No. 376576
>>347288I feel like I'm never going to find a partner. Senior in college, CS, and the first date and following relationship I ever had was with an immature piece of work off Tinder.
I'm not the most charismatic, but I like talking to and meeting people. I keep myself busy with work, school, research, student orgs. I get the chance to meet a lot of people through all I do… and yet. :) It seems like I attract the wrong guys.
Since then I've had guys who have been interested in me, but I never like them back. I like the sociable, confident, smart, and generally good at heart guys… and the few I've ever been interested in and click with when talking I end up finding out have girlfriends. Haha.
I tend to attract the shy, irresponsible type. Or those with clear yellow fever. Every single time.
The above shit is a deal breaker. I care about looks, but not as much as the character. I cannot find anyone naturally and I refuse to touch another dating app.
Nonnies will it get better? I've literally been single for 3 years. It's bad.
(integrate) No. 376615
I would like to know if I am being unreasonable here. My boyfriend loves plants. Loves them. Has a ton in his office and enjoys maintaining them as well as the garden out back. I love plants too but I am more of a 'sit in nature and not mess with it' type person so gardening and constant maintenence arent really my thing. I got my first houseplant that 'clicked' with me, and I am trying to keep it alive and learn to take care of it and propogate it etc. I have a small plant shelf in my office now I am trying to care for as a hobby. Because my nigel is much more 'advanced' in plant stuff, he constantly offers to deal with other people's gardens and yards etc which is fine but when we visit my family I have to make him promise me to ask pwrmission first before he just goes and starts working in the yard, which he always gets. Now I asked him to NOT mess with my plants, because I want to take care of them. Ive killed every plant Ive ever had and my little plant shelf is thriving for the 1st time in my life. I keep finding him watering, pruning, turning pots, rearranging things, etc and I am begging him to let me handle it because I want this to be my project. Funny enough my care was doing them really great but when he came to water them he killed my cactus I got from my grandma due to overwatering. If we are both watering my plants that isnt good lol. He has left my door open for the cat to come in and dig up my plants a few times after going in there to mess with them. I ask him to please let me deal with my plants as I want to learn, I want to know if what I am watering is too much or too little and I have no gauge of knowing that if he is secretly watering behind my back. My pots were rearranged again today when I went in there. Its starting to really piss me off. Like fuck, just let me attempt to keep my plants alive on my own? I get that plants are 'his' thing, but c'mon. Id never mess with his plants without explicit permission and instruction. Is this something too dumb to be hung up on?
No. 376641
I need some advice..
I have recently stopped drinking alcohol but I have an upcoming party and I’m not sure if I want to go.
I don’t have a problem with alcohol, it was just a choice I made and have never felt better, so I made the decision to be alcohol free.
It’s not that I think I will be tempted, more that I will draw attention to myself and I really don’t want that. I’m trying to be vague about what the party is so let’s just say alcohol is usually involved at these sorts of things. I’m also from the UK, and the friends I would be going with are all the boozy type.
I don’t see these people very often, some I don’t even speak with unless I go back to my home town, so a lot of them don’t know I quit booze.
I am in 2 minds as to go or not, I don’t want to upset my friend or be that person, but I also don’t want to endure a boozy weekend sober, surrounded by drunk people asking me why I’m not drinking.
I have already paid a deposit, and I’d be happy to lose it if I had to.
WAT DO
No. 376691
File: 1706744888413.jpg (36.42 KB, 720x480, drenk.jpg)
>>376641>paid a deposit?a what? are you posh and renting a venue? as someone who also quit alcohol and been to parties without drinking i can say that it is extremely boring, and people seem like imbeciles. they will talk in circles and be very slow in responding. i did not find them annoying or anything though and even made new friends. i was not close to the people at the party so they did not ask anything, and my friend already knew. you could bring alcohol free beer to try and throw them off for a while. or offer rides to people as the sober one.
No. 376692
File: 1706745372057.jpg (97.96 KB, 750x750, emojimakeup.jpg)
>>376581when i was ana-chan, i was too insecure to post photos of my skelly body and would focus on hair or makeup instead. well-styled hair, sparkly and smokey makeup can draw the attention to our face instead. if you like fancy jewelry, that could also help. for me, internet posting helped my confidence because i could choose what people saw. i don't recommend wearing heels all the time or starving yourself. platform shoes or high soles can help make you taller and being lean as well. for photos, you could try taking them from a lower angle to make your legs look longer. good luck anon.
No. 376694
File: 1706745662459.jpg (71.58 KB, 850x850, 053ab952ae7c0a34af597cf54d65dc…)
>>374976nothing wrong with that, having an imagination is healthy, and you're essentially exercising your brain and story building! my psychologist recommended a scheduled worry time for my chronic anxiety, so that it doesn't get out of control. if you feel like the dreams are ruining your day, try only thinking about them before going to sleep.
No. 376796
>>376745just get a job. any man rich or poor will hold every favor they do for you over your head and make you pay for it. the rich ones are not only depraved but also stingy as hell and will make you walk on hot coals and degrade yourself for peanuts, except they will think they're just 'testing' you to see if you're with them for money.
they will blackmail you and run your name through the mud if and when you do break up because to them you will be a dirty gold-digging whore. doesn't matter if you got with him out of love or not.
>>376746exactly
No. 376801
>>376796wasn't there research showing that when men earn less than women they tend to be more
abusive and unhappy though? I've seen many broke men with gfs still rant about gold diggers. not condoning it either way but what you discuss isn't at all specific among rich men.
No. 376825
File: 1706827044228.jpg (50.32 KB, 564x564, 1706826875095.jpg)
I'm trying to apply for a visa so I can travel for a breast lift (I have tuberous breast deformity, and I live in a thirdie country that doesn't have good surgeons and is extremely difficult to leave), and I asked my mom for help after reaching out to a surgeon overseas. She said a friend of hers could possibly help arrange it, so I said she should go ahead and ask him.
Later, I heard them talking on the phone, and he mentioned me having breast operation, and they gossiped about it. I confronted my mom about telling him after, and she tried to lie about it, until I reminded her I heard everything. She finally said she "didn't see the big deal" and that he "needed all the facts to help with the application" (she couldn't answer why saying it was cosmetic surgery wasn't enough). She got angry at me for being upset, and eventually gave some half-hearted apology.
I genuinely feel so disturbed and violated knowing she told him that so happily. I don't know what to do. I don't want a male in my mother's social circle thinking of my breasts or body in that way. It makes me want to get my tits chopped off aiden-style. I told her to tell him it was another type of surgery or something and she still brushed me off and said "next time I talk to him", but I don't even know how much that would help. I'm just in shock that she would do that, I'd never do anything like that to her. What the fuck do I do?
No. 376843
>>376801nta but in OP's case the man she's seeing is already
abusive so..
No. 377636
File: 1707178304123.jpg (97.3 KB, 736x736, 588c4dafd04379af62a98373a2b128…)
Am I having a manic episode?
>depressed for about 2 months
>bad living situation
>snap and have breakdown from being pressured into sex against my will
>the past 3 days immediately after breakdown I've had an explosion of energy
>so far I've donated about half my belongings
>I've been tearing my room down and reorganising it
>I'm doing things I wouldn't normally do like taking some physical documents to a library to scan them so they can be digitised instead
No. 377674
>>377652>They were told the parent accused of the abuse would leave the home and they changed their mind on the whole thing, thus putting them back in the situation they don't wanna be in?This is actually really typical of abused kids. Having been a child in an
abusive home I can tell you this is one of the biggest mindfucks that no one understands unless you've seen it or been through it. The best way I can try to explain it is: imagine you are told your mom and/or dad is going to go away forever and you'll never see them again. How would you react as a kid? Probably you would be upset and try to keep the parent with you if you thought you could because you love them, and the idea of them disappearing would be horrifying. It's the same for abused kids they just don't have the perspective to realize that parent is really bad for them.
Even if you have complained about being hurt this love of your parent(s) and fear of being alone will override and you will suddenly defend them or lie and say everything is alright, which looks really irrational from the outside. Other things can be happening too, like sometimes you get told you'll lose both parents even if only one is abusing you, unless you lie about how everything is okay so you can still be with your family you love. It's really fucked.
As for being "given an out"… fuck that's a hard one but if I had to explain it… It doesn't even really seem real when you're being abused. Especially if it's a kid, you have to understand kids and people in general don't understand things that they have never been taught, and abused kids have never been taught a reality where they are not catering to their abuser. So a world where the abuser doesn't exist is really hard to wrap your head around, which makes that whole "given an out thing" just feel like fuzz on a screen.
No. 377676
>>377648First of all, if it's not your kid then it's not your responsibility. Even more than that, you cannot control other people, especially not erratic people, and even in a compromised mental state, this child's actions are entirely their own. Basically, you're helpless. It's heartbreaking, but you need to accept that.
The only person you can control is yourself, and more than anything I think you need "you" time. I get that you love your family and want to keep them safe, but you're very obviously out of your depth and exhausted by the whole situation. As you are now, in a spiral of anxiety, you're not very useful. That's not a value judgement, just a fact. You need to recharge.
Do you have direct, daily contact with the people involved? Do you live in the same house? Reconsider how much time you spend talking about the situation. Get some space from it all. That's not giving up or pretending it's not happening, but acknowledging that you need to be at your best to do your best. If you can't kick the compulsion to help others or problem solve, then encourage your family to do the same. All of you are in an extremely stressful situation and obviously in desperate need for serenity.
>unironically meditate>talk to friends about literally anything else>do something you already know you enjoy>why not take the whole family out to do something fun together? if you're so paranoid they're going to be hurt, then make some good memories while you can>stop reading the fucking true crime threadMy armchair diagnosis: the child seems emotionally illiterate, dissociated, and possibly psychotic. There is nothing you can say to make them articulate their state of mind in a way that others understand. If mental health professionals are already involved, why haven't they been committed and medicated? You say they self-report as "fine" to authorities, but surely there is evidence of their erratic behavior. Shouldn't the testimony of family be enough?
No. 377682
>>377674>>377676I wanted to say thanks to you both and to
>>377676 they are currently committed again, this is shortly after completing an outpatient program and i've been worried that they had been prescribed medication and that this stay isn't going to help (the start of the anxiety spiral originally) But you're right, I don't have any control and they are already in the process of getting help. It is hard stepping away since I worry about them and just want them to be ok, but you're right and I appreciate the advice.
No. 377704
>>377701thanks
nonny. i don’t think trade school is for me though, none of the trades seem to interest me, but i’ll try to make friends when i get a job
>>377703sorry
nonny was a bit dramatic, i am young and i shall use my time wisely. what i meant by “fake” is that society is built up on mass consumption and greed and working many hours and huge corporations & it was depressing to think that i too would be apart of that, so i dropped out. but i guess it’s inevitable in order to survive in these modern times. anyways, i will try to make goals for myself, thank you
No. 377706
>>3776961) you’re 19 don’t be retarded
2) i understand your hatred of the system and yes it feels insurmountable. unfortunately the only options are to kys or better yourself. working a shitty job for a while/life experience will make you realise that university is a piece of piss and it’s much nicer to work a boring stressful job whilst being respected and getting a fair wage than it is working a boring stressful job where you have no security and everyone treats you like shit. if you have the opportunity to study, don’t squander it. millions would kill for that.
3) i know people changing careers in their fifties. our generations will work until we die so we have a long time to figure it out. that said, you do have to start somewhere
No. 377742
>>377738You don't have to but I would. If he's sending you texts or messages just send her a screenshot and leave it at that, she will do what she will with the information. If it's over the phone or voicemail send her a recording.
You should block him on everything after this.
No. 377835
>>372854Hi nona, first of all thank you so much, this was such a kind and thoughtful response and you totally hit the nail on the head. I know you replied a while ago, I read that reply the same day you posted it and am replying now because I've really been working to change. You were really right when you said that it's okay for people to be upset with me. Growing up I always became very upset when my parents were angry at me because they'd yell or send me to my room, so I think even as an adult I've internalised the idea that upsetting someone = punishment. You're right, friendships are made up of two flawed people and that's okay. I've made it my new years resolution to become less of a people pleaser and I think I'm doing well. I'm experiencing less anxiety now about disagreeing with people or slipping up. This is my life and I have to live it in a way that benefits me - at the end of the day it's no one else's. I have to become more comfortable with people just not liking me, so I'm going to look into ways to do that. But thank you so much nona.
Also for other anons I realised, I have a bad habit of interrupting. I'm so desperate to show the other person I'm listening I actually end up being… worse at listening! Someone could be complaining and I'd interrupt to say, "I'm so sorry that sucks, what about doing xyz"… but it wouldn't let them finish their story. I'm working on becoming a better active listener too, not for my own selfish benefit of knowing someone likes me but so I can become a better friend. I never realised this was linking to my people pleasing but here we are.
No. 377877
File: 1707278756563.jpg (14.99 KB, 275x269, 1701195490249.jpg)
What's a good quick excuse for not having a lot of life experiences? I've been through the gutter with a tumultuous childhood that funneled straight into an abusive relationship, and I'm only now really getting a normal life going (yay!). Obviously I don't want to divulge anything heavy when it's not appropriate but stripping all that away, my life so far seems kinda bland and empty.
For instance, I just started forming a small group of friends and earlier today someone asked if I knew any other friends I could invite for lunch, and I didn't have a response prepared so I just said "nope I don't have any friends" and it passed as a joke. But I genuinely don't really have many relationships outside this small circle I just met since my ex didn't like me making new friends or going out. Another piece is how people will discuss their career or hobby experiences and I mostly didn't have much going on because I was confined to my room for most of my life and just trying to keep it together.
Idk I feel like I'm at an awkward in-between stage where people are interested in getting to know me better but we don't know each other well enough yet for me to really be honest about how grim my life was until very recently.
No. 377893
>>377877You had your own reasons, you said as much. It's just that your life experiences were pretty shitty, unlike normies who had to enjoy their lifes. And even then you don't know how people lived their lifes and what's going on behind the closed doors. I know it makes you sad looking at other people being happy and living their best lives, but don't compare yourself to other people. You have your own story and it's up to you to make something out of it.
Also, different people grow up differently. If you started developing yourself and making friends later, it just means you had a late start, not that you can't become sociable and successful. It just will take more time.
Anyway, you are pretty strong for living throw a traumatic childhood, so you are strong enough to leave it behind and enjoy life to the fullest.
No. 377907
>>377877I have lived a similar life and only made 'real friends' in the past year or so. I spared them the gruesome details for the most part but whenever some blind spot or missing experience came up for me, I just said something like "I've lived a pretty isolated life up until recently, I'm still catching up on some things", or "my life didn't allow for that until recently", and they accepted that at face value because they're kind. Once we got more comfortable with each other and it didn't feel like an imposition anymore I provided more context and we are even closer now. Most people won't pry if you just politely tell them you lack certain experiences because of circumstances outside of your control.
I'm so happy you've made friends after what you went through, nona. You deserve to live normally after suffering for so long. Good luck!
No. 377950
>>377947Thanks. You're right that it's fine to say basically the same thing. But
>self-pity spiralI feel the opposite of pity for myself. I think I deserve to die.
No. 377954
>>377950Sorry. I can't read your mind, didn't realize it was pure self loathing. But also if someone in real life says
self-pitying when they should have said
self-loathing, maybe just let it go and don't correct them unless they're your therapist.
No. 378314
>>378313I don’t really relate to women I guess. I don’t know, just talking to them is difficult. I mean, at work yeah I can talk like a normie but only to a certain extent before it gets exhausting. I hate having to do all the niceties. I also don’t like how some are quick to banter and stuff when they don’t know me. I don’t know, I hate to say it this way but I don’t like “feminine” stuff. But all the “weird” girls are too weird for me, and despite that they’re very well adjusted. Back when I used to do college I tried to speak a bit more to women I was interested in but they just ignored me or had friends already. I would say I’m also super possessive, I just want one friend, and one that understands what it’s like being, like me. And just a bunch of other stuff too that affects me, like being ugly and retarded, I can’t go through public settings without breaking down(where I would probably find friends), but friends that would understand me should be hiding at home too.
No. 378319
>>378315That’s interesting, if anything I feel that I focus too much on others, always looking out for my family, helping them out in various ways (monetarily, helping them fill out forms/look stuff up for them, etc.) at work I help out with others work if they're behind, etc, I just feel like for once I wish I was the one given attention, maybe that’s why I came off as narcissistic? And I have felt this way since a kid, my mom would always prefer other kids to me so I always felt guilty of being a nongirly, not outgoing girl like the ones she showed with attention and love. She would tell me I was being jealous and leave me alone/ignore me. So as I grew I gained her fondness by helping out. I see that I’m making her out to look evil but she’s really not, who wouldn’t want a normal daughter over a useless one? If I really am narcissistic, then I should do the world a favor and remove myself, but I’m too chickenshit to do anything to myself
No. 378346
>>377877Same vibe with me, I just lie and tell them I was in a religious cult and that I only talk about it with my therapist. I don't mind lying to them because honestly the past isn't concrete anyway. To me, dreaming about some make-believe future is the ultimate fallacy: but the past? The past that doesn't exist anymore can be anything that I desire. I think of it like a storybook. I moved very far away from where I was born and lived my early adulthood, and I decided to start my life over clean and fresh, nobody knew who I was so I decided that I was going to become someone else.
>>378315NTAYRT, but I agree with the narcissism point. It's like severe martyr complex.
No. 378348
>>378346Trying to pathologize that nonna as just being an awful person and narcissistic is weird and a sign of a lack of empathy though. For example "I can talk like a normie but it gets exhausting after a while" is something I've heard from many autistic women I've known that have struggled with masking and following social cues–or those with severe social anxiety and trauma. Not saying that she has autism, but it seems like she has genuine trouble with fitting into social norms, wants a truly dyadic close friendship, and you have a very low tolerance towards nonconforming women or those with traumatic experiences. And the fact you admitted to making up shit and lying to everyone you know is interesting in conjunction to how much you demonize that nonna for not being selfless.
>>378334Wanting care to be reciprocated is not a crime and is not necessarily the same as it being transactional and fake. She admitted that even her mom preferred random children over her when she was a mere child AND stonewalled her, like, that shit can really hurt a child and how they form attachments.
No. 378355
>>378348>The fact you admitted to making up shit and lying to everyone is interestingI never said my sociopathic behaviours are morally right, just what works for me.
>Trying to pathologize that nonna as just being an awful person is weird.You're diagnosing her with autism though so what's the real difference kek.
>You have a very low tolerance towards nonconforming women or those with traumatic experiences.I don't pity people with martyr complexes, if you read
>>378319 you can see what I'm talking about. At a certain point you have to wonder why a 30 year old is still talking about her mum ignoring her when she was a little kid instead of just buying a self-help book or watching the thousands of free videos on Youtube on how to make friends and how to improve your social skills. I don't have time for women that find "weird girls too weird" or is "super possessive" of any potential friends.
No. 378359
>>378355I clarified that I am not diagnosing her with autism. I said that because the experience of feeling exhausted by putting up a front is real, especially to poorly socialized introverts or those with a social diability, and I give her the benefit of the doubt because I believe she did try to help herself plenty over the years–and never found anyone that reciprocated the energy back at her. Some people really are just unpopular or seen as phony tryhards sooner than legitimate friend material.
Though yeah, you're right about her probably having attachment issues, and "weird girls being too weird" is off, like, what does that even mean?
No. 378392
>>378376I don't think you have an ugly soul you mostly seem miserable. Some people have little empathy towards imperfect women when they're in a vulnerable state. Please don't take it to heart. I've seen some really horrible people in my time and based off what you said I don't think you're one of them.
Also sorry, but we can't really give anything specific to you because hotlines depend on the country you'd have to look it up on google. If you're in the US then 988 or the crisis text line would at least give you someone to talk to about this. I have a mother that I dearly care for and all I know is that yours must love you too, and that you should stay strong for her. Maybe some other anon can give better advice. I'm not good at it but I wanna at least try for your sake.
No. 378403
>>378348I'm
>>378315 and
>>378334 and not the anon who continued arguing later on. My intention was not to pathologize nonna at all, which is why I didn't mention any disorder or diagnosis (unlike you kek). From my own personal experience, lonely people can be selfish. It's easy for self reflection to turn into obssessive over analyzing and self centerdness. I don't believe anything is wrong with anon, loneliness and rejection can make anyone bitter, but I don't believe her approach (victimizing, expecting real connections to happen because she does people favors or supports them financially) is the best. Nonna is human just like everyone and she has the ability to connect to people, but in order to form connections you have to realize everyone you encounter has deep inner lives, interests and desires. They're human too, and if nonna tried to get to know them and view them as people instead of chasing some idealized dream of a super close bff she's be able to relate to them. Like, real life isn't the sims where you can just do X enough times and get a friend. I've been a loser most of my life as well and bullied too, but you can't be an angsty, edgy teen forever. I used to think other women were unrelatable because they had different interests than me too, but I grew out of it. My best friend is a "normie" and completely different person than me and we don't have much in common in terms of interests and hobbies but she's still my best friend. Understanding and connection does not come from that, or from beauty or intellect. What I'm saying in the end is, nonna have an open mind. Don't judge people based on their looks, the first impression, what they do for fun. Maybe you'd get along with those "too weird-weird girls." Maybe the normies aren't as normie as they seem upon first glance. Open yourself up to the world, offer kidness and understanding and most of the time you'll get it back.
No. 378404
>>378375Samenonnie
>>378403 didn't see this response sorry. You're not an awful person, and thinking you're some kind of monster is only hindering you. You're human and hurt and that's normal. I don't have good advice on how to fix your self esteem and stop endlessly wallowing in your own misery and pity but in the past I've tried doing workbooks aimed at BPD and it has helped some. Also, your mom does sound neglectful and I'm sorry you had to go through that. Have you talked about your family issues in therapy? Maybe that could help you heal?
No. 378415
File: 1707556361896.jpeg (127.12 KB, 637x792, 433DF014-8387-46F7-9553-BB958B…)
Why is it so hard to find self improvement content for a woman that isn’t based around becoming the most feminine version of yourself? I feel like I’m the only person who feels suffocated by this. Especially since I grew up in an apartment where I’m told I have to be extra feminine to compensate for my ethnicity. I know I’m in a bad place and I want to improve but I also feel like I have to completely change every single bit about me in order to get out. Sometimes I wonder if I should just lie about being a man so I can get more accurate or honest advice?
No. 378434
File: 1707559748604.jpeg (51.9 KB, 1200x667, IMG_0231.jpeg)
>>378430>mental healthI know I have some kind of depression and it’s hard for me to be consistent with healthy routines
>physical healthI know I have to go back to the gym. Can’t afford a trainer. I just do the same routines over and over again. I get discouraged when I don’t see results
>FinaciallyIn the fucking gutter. I paid off most of my debts but I have no cash coming in. it’s so difficult to find a job, especially without a degree
>Career-wiseI wanted to be some kind of engineer, mostly a SWE. But it seems to be a difficult field to break into and all the talks about layoffs worry me
>SociallyNon-existent. I’m moving out soon so I hope to find some people
I’m failing on every level which is why I gravitate towards self-help
No. 378450
>>378434this nonna
>>378436 is right, you do sound overwhelmed and addressing one thing at a time is a lot more feasible than attempting to change everything all at once. you'll be more successful at achieving your goals by starting off small and then working your way up. like with your physical health, are you working out because you're trying to get into shape or because you're trying to lose weight (or both)? it takes time to get the results you want and it's easy to get discouraged but maybe your exercise routine just needs to be modified. re: your mental health and having difficulty sticking to routines, try to set very small routines for yourself (like doing one or two things when you wake up or before you go to bed) that won't overwhelm you but can also make you feel a bit more structured then gradually add onto them. try your best to stick to it, but also don't beat yourself up or consider yourself a failure if you slip up because all that will achieve is making you feel worse. everything else you listed are larger goals but once you get some stability and confidence it'll be easier for you to work towards them.
No. 378788
>>378787Estranged stepdad who beat you? Jesus. That’s rough I’m sorry. The most polite thing would be to treat him like a stranger and not interact. If he presses you to hang out look him dead in the eye, throw aside the usual social contract and tell him exactly what you think in a clear tone (whatever your version of “I’m not interested in spending any time with you after you beat me as a child, I don’t forgive you and there’s a good reason we’re estranged. Don’t speak to me and I’ll do you the courtesy of pretending you don’t exist. You are scum”). Don’t lower your volume, if other people are within earshot that’s fine. That should scare him off. Sometimes you gotta let your inner bitch out and stand up for yourself. Child abusers don’t deserve social consideration, they already broke the contract when they beat you. Shame him publicly.
I know that sounds like a “and then everybody clapped” reddit ass story but I’ve done similar before and it worked. It’s a little embarrassing but it also feels great. I never had to work with an abuser so closely though so do whatever keeps you safe. I would be looking for another job asap.
No. 378795
>>378788Thanks for your empathetic detailed reply.
> I would be looking for another job asap.Will do this.
No. 378823
File: 1707760496446.jpg (137.27 KB, 600x315, bmi-adult-fb-600x315.jpg)
My husband's BMI has slowly crept into obesity. I do all the cooking in our household. I am a healthy weight. I've gained weight since we met, but that's because I was underweight before. I had a baby and am maybe 2 lbs above my pre-baby weight. I'm not keen on a "let's lose weight together" proposal; my weight is healthy, I have no free time for exercise, and with breastfeeding I do need extra calories. I think most of my husband's excess weight is a result of a soda habit and having nightly drinks, along with some snacking. I don't really care about his appearance, but I think at this point he'll have a lot of health problems if he doesn't reverse course soon. Any tips on how to have this conversation without it turning into a fight?
No. 379151
>>379150Seconding this anon. My mom met her Nigel at 50. He's younger AND good to her AND a good stepdad.
Never give up hope.
No. 379185
>>379132You're late but you didn't "miss the boat" if you genuinely want a life partner. One probably won't fall in your lap if you do nothing though.
>>379173I wouldn't, not at risk of my own safety for someone I don't even know. Even if you inform her and she leaves, are you going to keep tabs on him for years to come and inform every new girl he dates? That's not realistic, is it?
No. 379198
>>379192Ignore
>>379194 a fetus isn't a child. Considering you're at the stage where it could still just be a late period, it's probably not even a fetus yet but an embryo. You're not going to burn in hell for removing a fertilized egg and you're allowed to correct mistakes. That's assuming you're pregnant at all.
How late are you?
No. 379203
>>379196>>379199>>379201I took the bullet and just tried a pregnancy test and it came out negative, I feel so relieved. I am 8 days late, which again has happened to me before but I wasn't having sex at the time. Thank you all for your reassurances.
>>379194I get what you're saying, and I have nothing against children in general, but that is how I felt and I don't apologise for using that language. I was angry and upset. If anyone reading this also feels the same, I understand and you are not wrong for feeling that way.
No. 379204
>>379194fuck off, go back to tradwife tiktok or wherever you came from
>>379203I'm glad it came back negative, I feel like pregnancy scares have to be one of the worst things for women. The thought of it is terrifying
No. 379308
There's this girl I've been "friends" with for a few years now but she's insufferable. She's just so rude and condescending, and doesn't treat me well. I've been wanting to ghost her out of my life for a while now, but I can be a real pushover. I'm pretty much her only friend and it's pretty obvious as to why. But I can't go out with her again. Her boyfriend is friends with my sister and they hung out recently, where he told her that he knows everyone hates his gf, that he knows she can be "difficult". He also said that while I'm one of her best friends, he knows I only see her as an acquaintance. He mentioned he loved her a lot and it breaks his heart, but I absolutely have no sympathy for either of them. She wants to blame all her difficult behaviours on being an autist, but make no effort to improve her behaviour, and just expects everyone around her to put up with it.
In terms of advice, I'm in two minds about this. A friend of mine ghosted this girl ages ago, as she's just so combative it's easier to distance yourself. But I want to confront her. I want to tell her that her behaviour is horrible and there's a reason no one at work likes her, why she has little friends. No one has really told her this before, and I feel it's best if she finally hears it and maybe something will click. This wouldn't be out of the blue, rather next time she asks to hang out I'd tell her straight up no, and the reasons why. My main concern is that I know she's suicidal and I wouldn't want to agitate that, and also I can be a bit of a pushover so it would take me a lot to send that message. Should I do it?
No. 381039
>>381034ntayrt but I don't think it's about being a handmaiden, more just being a decent person
I really hate this attitude of "you should always be on a fellow woman's side", even when said woman is in the wrong
No. 381045
>>381033do it if you really want to and wont regret it even if it turns into the worst case of losing your friend. Imo it's fine to have a few friends whose morals you don't entirely agree with, especially if they add value to your life in ways other than a merely company and understanding. Make decisions for
your utility, not anyone else's
No. 381048
>>381027No you shouldn’t tell her bf she’s texting her ex but you should tell her to stop texting her fuckin ex, because that’s pathetic of her. Are they trying to stay friends or something? That’s usually a terrible idea.
Also, you’re kind of a crap friend if you’re more concerned it’s disrespectful to the bf who you don’t even know and not more worried that’s she’s being strung along by her ex again or that she’s maybe unhappy in her current relationship. Like damn talk to your friend don’t just go to her bf, that’s weird of you.
No. 381129
>>381057>>381048>>381039Update I asked her about it and she said they've been broken up for years (before we became friends) and he works for her mom(?) so she thinks its fine.
I'd want to know if my bf was doing that though… I just feel like I'm basically being a bystander and I should do the right thing.
No. 381206
File: 1708676829559.gif (850.24 KB, 245x180, 1708417685624.gif)
can I get some lesser known tips on helping energy levels and staying strong in spite of feeling like I really have no future to strive for? honestly I'm desperate. I naturally am a tired person. even as a kid I was very lethargic and never played or really emoted at all. I only woke up once in my entire life feeling alive and rested and it was the best day of my life naturally kek, I even felt like dancing in the rain like a maniac. other than that outlier I've accepted being a "sleepy" person but overtime though it's like I've just gotten worse and I don't understand why. I even look like a ghoul lately, my dark circles look like black, sunken pits and my eyes hurt like hell. several dozen strangers have randomly pointed them out which is extremely embarrassing. family has expressed concern too. I wish people didn't judge me tbh and it makes me wanna hide sometime.
right now I'm trying my best to stay active even though even just walking around makes me feel light-headed and I'm doing my best to earn money. I know there's probably nothing at all wrong with me and it's all in my head, but I can't get over how fucking terrible I feel. and I know seeing the doctor won't help. I've tried and he said my fatigued was being caused by allergies and said I had the worst allergy shiners he has ever seen…which makes 0 sense, allergy meds don't help at all and no one else in my family has this problem.
No. 381209
File: 1708677298242.png (32.57 KB, 391x276, mayo clinic.png)
>>381206ask for a full blood test + have them check your thyroid levels.
No. 381210
>>381206Get a second opinion from a different doctor and get your blood tested. Don't accept a no, get a blood test done. I used to be sort of like you, extremely tired but refused to go see my GP about it, turns out I had severe deficiencies when I ended up on the ER for something different and they tested my blood there.
I know it isn't easy to speak up against medical professionals who're being difficult, but don't suffer more than you have to.
No. 381214
>>381206I think you should take the advice of the other two replies and summon your inner and outer tired bitch to demand a doctor run some tests. To answer your question: play mindgames on yourself. reward the tiniest achievements with something you enjoy. make lists of mundane tasks you'll do wether you had a list or not and cross them off as you complete them (instant feeling of accomplishment). listen to comedy or stupid songs while you're working, the laughter will give you a boost.
But for real you sound legitimately sick, go to the doctor. unless you're a diagnosed munchie these are not normal things you described. something is off, make them run actual tests, make them understand you're not just tired something is wrong and has been wrong for a while.
No. 381395
>>381260actually I did look into it. I was already a contender as I have very poor breathing (I briefly used an inhaler) and have nose/jaw issues. thankfully my insurance did pay completely for nose surgery a few years ago which helped a lot with my breathing. last year I tried to get a sleep study done but I ended up tossing and turning all night long. it was one of the most miserable experiences of my life and it's a huge reason for my negativity.
>>381209have had two thyroid panel done before on different occasions, came back clean. later on I learned half the people in my family have diagnosed thyroid issues they medicate for and need to get regularly checked though. weird!
>>381210yeah, you're right. I'll push harder. tbh I was tested for deficiencies before and a few sometimes pop up and I medicate for them, my zinc levels are always pretty low in spite my diet being extremely high in it. I've been turned down for more specific things like a full B panel.
No. 381447
>>381413This isn’t really that type of situation. If she hasn’t told him (are you even sure the bf doesn’t know?) there’s probably a reason. It’s not about you or what you’d like. She is not required to disclose past relationships to her current partner if she doesn’t want to; if you think she should the you can tell her that but you never insert yourself into another woman’s relationship like that. What if she doesn’t tell her current partner because she knows he’s the jealous type and he has a temper you don’t know about? You’d literally be putting her in danger. I’m not saying that’s the case but it’s one reason, hypothetically, that you mind your own business about other women’s relationships.
Phrasing it like “she’s texting her ex” is intentionally scandalizing it when you are not even aware of the details. Her ex is in her life still because he works for her mom. If they’re still on friendly terms so what, it’s not a crime. Wanting to tell her bf when you don’t know him just makes you sound like you like creating drama and you don’t care about your friend.
No. 381543
File: 1708811841921.jpg (108.37 KB, 600x480, 83020170R0945AUEROP.jpg)
As anyone here managed to stop being messy and stay consistent with it? I feel like I'm at an age where I just can't justify being lazy towards cleaning, organizing and my messiness anymore. I also know that some of my bad habits and depression come from living in a messy space. Part of it is that I never learned to clean after myself growing up or to organize my stuff, and I also own a lot of things : clothes, craft supplies, boxes, souvenirs… I'm not a hoarder but my house feels heavy and there are a lot of stuff that just don't have a space where they should go. My place is decently clean but I know it could be better and I'd feel more motivated if it was more organized and less crowded. Anyway, where did you start on your journey towards cleanliness ? I want to develop good habits and it's hard for me to do more than the basic daily maintenance right now. I want to invite people over without being ashamed (or hiding things in the closet), feel good and proud when I come home. It just feels like I have so much to do at once to revert those years of bad habits and I don't even know where to start and how to keep it up.
No. 381568
File: 1708828517582.png (1.6 MB, 1012x739, biab.PNG)
>>381567BIAB is amazing for growing them as long as you leave it alone and don't chew on them (like me). So absolutely recommend it, picrel is what it looks like when you sand it off.
No. 381939
File: 1709055558666.jpeg (47.6 KB, 669x680, F_q5TBIW4AAJe-d.jpeg)
how do I get over a crush ??? cute guy exactly my type , scarily accurate actually. randomly followed me on ig despite never even having interacted b4 (we're in the same uni supposedly) and him liking a few posts of mine. 1) he has a gf 2) it would b a tremendously hopeless crush bc I'm lame how do I get over this is this hell
No. 381943
File: 1709057526956.gif (17.05 KB, 220x246, cat-live-cat-reaction.gif)
Do any of nonnas here have PCOS? How did you go about getting diagnosed and getting treatment? Anything I should ask or suggest them to check during tests?
I suspect that I have it because I have a lot of the symptoms (irregular or nonexistent periods, acne, hirsutism, easily gain weight/difficult to lose it, etc.) but I'm worried that if I go to a doctor they won't take me seriously. It seems like they only really care if you're trying to get pregnant and if you aren't they just throw a box of birth control at you and send you on your way.
No. 382000
I don't know if I'm sexually attracted to my boyfriend anymore… I've been having doubts for a few months now. It makes me feel shitty bc we've been together for a couple years, we live together, we faced homelessness and other shitty situations together.
We've always had issues with sexual compatibility, but he refuses to accept that as a fact. For instance, he's very vanilla whereas I'm super kinky. I would have sex 1-2 times a day if I could, he only wants to have sex a few times a month and only at nighttime when we go to bed, in the same position, doing things same things every time. Admittedly, he's just ok at sex due to his own inexperience, but I stayed with him because I thought he was fun to be around and I enjoyed his company.
I've tried talking to him many, many, many times about different ways we could spice up our sex life, that I'm bored and having the same type of sex is wearing me thin. He always says "Yeah okay we could try different stuff!" But we never do, or he would do this thing where he says he's gonna fuck the shit out of me, but it's same type of sex I keep telling him I'm bored of.
I say all this but things HAVE improved more than in the beginning of our relationship; he reciprocates more in bed and takes more time to attend to my sexual needs than he did at the beginning, but it's really not enough. Also maybe a little too late? Like why couldn't he be this way at the beginning? Why did I have to BEG for months for him to take my needs even an iota seriously? I don't look forward to sex. I don't initiate. Whenever we do have sex I kinda just space out until it's over.
I feel bad because I do think he's trying his best; I just think he's not naturally a super sexual person. I wanna try talking to him about it tonight, how would you nonnies go about this? I mostly just want to approach this topic in a conflict-free way, but I don't know where to start
No. 382163
>>382160Is there some way you can get to a women's shelter? My mother and I were also in a very isolated area with my dad and we had to shelter hop in the nearest city until we could eventually flee the country.
Admittedly she is a very socially resourceful woman and networked with every person she met.
No. 382178
>>382126>I get 2 days (maybe) of tolerance and then they get mad at me. How do I get them to stop getting mad at me?Unfortunately you can't control their reactions, which doesn't change how unfair they're being to you. Parents love to coddle sons and heap the rules and policing on daughters. I'm sorry things are so tough right now anon, much hugs to you.
You could make a point of pointing out their double standards, which could maybe help with enough repetition over years. Tbh controlling your reactions and feelings to their anger will probably help way more. Sometimes people will just become completely shit-retarded at a topic or two and said behavior is ultimately in only their control. Try feeling more angry about it, it helps feel the hurt less and makes you more defending of yourself. Stay warm and don't get sick in these changing seasons, anon.
No. 382220
>>382181Emotionally I do want the baby, but if I try to think practically I guess it wouldn’t be a good idea. I just feel stuck, psychologist called it analysis paralysis. He said it seems like I want to keep it. I hate that I’m so unsure.
>>382182>>382183Stupid thing is that I still love him. I do want his child and I won’t have this chance again. I realise I’m an idiot.
>>382190I called the clinic, they said tomorrow morning. I felt so sick I threw up. I don’t know how I’ll cope with an abortion.
No. 382240
>>382234Yeah, of course. That is one of the cons on my list
>>382235There are plenty more reasons to keep the child apart from me feeling like I am still in love with him. There are also reasons not to keep it.
Thank you for the advice
No. 382250
>>382240Sure, but this is your main reason, from your own mouth
>Stupid thing is that I still love him. I do want his child and I won’t have this chance again.Which is a terrible reason and a terrible fate to bestow upon a child. Even just thinking that makes it clear you should not have that baby. If it was that you felt ready to have a baby, felt confident raising it on your own etc sure, id still not reccomended depriving a child of having two parental figures, but at least you'd want it for the right reasons. Its clear you just want this kid bc you want to be attached to your ex, not bc you actually really want this baby. You want this "last chance" to ahve a kid with your ex, a last chance with your ex.
No. 382265
>>382220From one anon to another, having kids is not what it seems. You’re tired all the time, you have to work more to pay the bills because the sperm donar was a total failure, and you end up taking on the responsibilities. Then one day, your world, your baby is gone. It’s a heartbreak that’s crushed me as a person. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy really. Walking into a grocery store is a nightmare because you hear your child in other children, I can’t imagine going through that again, the holidays are the worst, birthdays are even harder. Everyday I have conversations in my head with her like I picked her up from school, it’s so fucking hard anon, it’s been 10 years, and sometimes when I’m at work, I have to step out to cry a little bit, when I’m asked if I have babies, I say no. Because, even talking about her makes me hyperventilate and sob. Even now, I can’t help it. I would give anything to have that time with her again. Children are precious, and the healthcare system in Burgerland is a fucking joke, I’m so sorry for this rant. If you do have children, hold them tight, and never take your time with them for granted.. I wish you the best of luck
No. 382313
File: 1709224875342.png (1.64 MB, 1014x774, 1646039992063.png)
Any based amerifag car spergs in here?? I have around 5,400 dollars (give or take) to buy a used car. What is a good, reliable engine (could even just be brand/manufacturer) to keep an eye out for? And cars with good transmission to recommend?? This car has to last me some good years. I know this isn't a ton of money for a car but could anyone help a struggling nonnie out?? My last car's transmission literally just shat itself totally randomly.
No. 382338
>>382315A Toyota or Honda which would also be my recommendation doesn't usually cost $5.5 k these days
nonnie. I wish it did. But those suckers are running for much closer to $10k now, even higher mileage.
No. 382637
>>382632Throw a housewarming get-together if you can. Sometimes people will give you stuff you need that they have laying around and you won't have to buy it. I used to also get tables and stuff from people at work because they knew I had a new apartment and it was bare.
You should always have at least two sets of sheets for every bed so you don't have to wait to wash and dry them to re-make your bed (can be a time crunch issues if you have work/school.) Do your laundry BEFORE you run out of clean clothes.
No. 382672
File: 1709401276624.png (251.08 KB, 539x1400, maxWidth_1400_maxHeight_1400.p…)
>>382632Get one of these so you can immediately unclog your sink, toilet or shower drain the first time that happens. I know it's kind of random but no one thinks about stuff like this until it happens, and when it happened to me it was really annoying. It's better for your drains than the chemical stuff too. Make sure you get a proper rubber one not plastic.
No. 382723
File: 1709430287277.jpg (82.19 KB, 608x325, Screenshot_20240303-014716_Chr…)
I found myself on tributeprintedpics. The username is my tiktok username. Theres a now banned reddit attached which is my username with slave added at the end. There are videos taken from my tiktok, with the most rancid comments I've ever fucking seen.
Pic uploaded is an example. None of my videos were sexual in nature, just shitposting. I'm genuinely horrified and don't know what to do. The profile picture is me.
No. 382727
>>382723Never heard of that site before now. No firsthand experience with that but I’m really sorry some pervert put your image on there. I’d feel grossed out finding myself on a site like that even if it was normal TikTok-appropriate stuff. Scrotes gonna scrote. If you were underage they legally have to take it down so maybe try reporting them as underage content if there’s some plausibility you could have been under 18 in the TikToks.
The other anon is right though you are probably (I didn’t search it but I assume I can) doxxing yourself by posting that image, you should delete your post while you can
No. 382730
File: 1709431979096.jpg (28.23 KB, 517x650, imgonnacum.JPG)
>>382723I found your tiktok, please tell me that isn't your moid in your video screaming "I'M GONNA CUM" while you try to talk about Fast and Furious. Picrel, here he is interrupting your video to scream it. He is so ugly it's unreal. What the fuck even
No. 382733
>>382731well, you have posted what appears to be literally 1000+ tiktok videos, to the point I could not scroll to the bottom of your profile without my computer catching fire, so my first sugestion would be to stop posted every waking moment of your life on tiktok. My second suggestion would be to dump your extremely ugly moid with literal 12 year old boy humor. My third statement isn't a suggestion, but just a comment that you look like venus angelic.
Lastly, no there's nothing you can do. You posted the videos online publicly and you are an adult, unfortunately some unhinged moid posted about wanting to have sex with you, but his reddit is deleted and he doesn't even post you on that form anymore and only made like 5 posts about you total, so chill out. And again,. stop posting every waking moment of your life on tiktok. And as parting advice, your eyeliner style looks very sloppy.
No. 382789
>>382723I’m not trying to
victim blame or be overly harsh, but you need to build some serious self awareness about what you’re doing online. This isn’t like irl where you’re minding your business in public and a guy goes out of his way to photograph or video you. You’re the one supplying the photos and videos of yourself online, so you have to be conscientious of what you include in that media. Rethink your decision before you post something that has your full body or full face in it, as men can easily use that stuff to make porn out of with deepfakes. Especially refrain from wearing revealing clothing in videos or photos, it makes it easier for them to digitally strip you. But really, men will target any woman for any reason, you can’t blame yourself completely. You just have to limit how personal and open your content is so that men have next to nothing to fixate on or use against you.
No. 382798
>>382723If it helps you feel better anon, I went there and couldn’t find your pics. I do agree with
>>382789 nuke your tiktok and learn to not post your face online.
No. 382854
File: 1709497877353.jpeg (387.49 KB, 1170x2532, IMG_4653.jpeg)
>>382723Delete your TikTok if you don’t like this. Otherwise why do you think you have so many followers? Your commentary isn’t unique or witty; it’s just you talking about inane things in various outfits.
No. 383260
I'm a little concerned about one of my friends. In any case I'm probably not going to confront her because it's really not my place, but I still would like to know if any of this is normal or if I'm over-reacting.
She has been dating this guy she met at university for about three years, and they only just moved in together recently. At the same time, it sounds like she is really involved with her boyfriend's family, way more than he is involved with hers. Not only does she accompany him to his family's Thanksgiving and Christmas celebrations, but it feels like she travels with him to visit his family/attend their events most weekends. I wouldn't find this so odd if her boyfriend's family didn't live hours away, and if they weren't also very, very religious/conservative (my friend is not at all). There has been some drama with her boyfriend's family about him "living in sin" with her, and when she was telling me about it she sounded pretty stressed. My friend is a busy person in general, but lately I feel like she is almost impossible to get a hold of and she has been cancelling plans more frequently, too.
To me this all feels a little too coincidental and fishy, but I also could be grasping at straws. I just don't want her to waste her time or even get hurt over a guy who, frankly, is not worth all that in my opinion.
No. 383425
>>383260i don't think you're overreacting at all. i have known women who were isolated by their moid's families and it always ends with them being manipulated into extremely dysfunctional situations. it's clear that his family already lacks any sense of boundaries. if he ever becomes
abusive they will blame her entirely and make it difficult for her to leave, and if your friend ends up marrying this man and having children with him they're going to be nightmares to deal with as grandparents. unfortunately all you can really do is let your friend know that you're there for her and try to maintain a role in her life and hope that she sees the writing on the wall before she gets in too deep with him.
No. 383990
>>383932as tempting as this may be to do
or at least i'd be tempted because i'm disgusting, draining a cyst isn't always enough as it can fill back up. the best way to permanently get rid of it is to have the sac removed entirely.
No. 384080
>>384076Yeah, many people I know use it that way. I'm also a sperg but am socializing now and it's common for people to just post occasional personal things on private accounts.
If they expect you to be an influencer you probably don't want their friendship anyway.
No. 384470
File: 1710192516380.jpg (29.23 KB, 735x480, 1d59ea83-c24a-4bb7-9d1e-f90255…)
How the fuck do you deal with someone wanting to be your "friend" while they are obviously trying to use you as a therapist and trauma dump because they're lonely?
My ex coworker, whom I hung out with twice, keeps trying to do this and I swore myself to never hang out with her again because the last time the bitch talked about herself (trauma dumping + disgusting birth stories and personal shit) for 7 hours and basically kept me hostage (long story but I couldn't leave).
She messaged me again today if I was free this week and I haven't opened the message yet. Do I just ghost? I feel a bit guilty because she went through some stuff but also because we work in a small field so there's a chance I might end up working with her again. Someone just slap me pls
No. 384653
>>384475Thank you, I think I'll start using most of these in general
>>384476I gave her the benefit of doubt the second time we hung out, the first time was similar where she talked a lot about herself but I ignored it because I thought she was nervous or something and I was able to get in more than 10 sentences. She also reeeeally likes to "guilt trip" by sounding like a teenager with her "I never told this to anyone", "you understand me so well" etc. If she actually learned a bit of English and started using social media, she'd see that the things she thinks are abnormal are incredibly common and that she's not "not like other people". A bit embarrassing for someone that's 30. And I don't want to play therapy.
>>384553Yea, I think I'll just ignore it, unless I accidentally open the app. I use the it only for work chats anyway, so I could even delete it.
No. 384987
How do I let go of hate? I stopped talking to a friend recently but I'm seething with anger from the way she treated me like lesser than because I'm, I don't know, not her. She reminds me of a childhood bully and I don't know why I was even friends with her. I can't seem to let go of this, I don't want to be such a hateful person but somehow I've just become like this. I don't feel this way about other people that are not in my life anymore because I do have fond memories with them or knew them for two seconds but with her it's just different. We were never super close so I don't even have a specific nice memory to look back on, sure we've laughed together but it was always mediocre at best. We knew each other for years, we spent time together but not much, maybe once a month if that. Without her my life would not be any different so I have no idea why this is even holding any power over me. Maybe it's because I recognize things in her that I don't like about myself (being a massive autist mainly), but what do I even do with that? Sorry for the megaramble, I tried talking to my therapist, reading scriptures about hate,things that helped me in the past, guided meditations, everything I can think of and somehow I just can't let it go.
No. 385040
File: 1710422304840.jpeg (91.4 KB, 638x479, IMG_1031.jpeg)
How do you guys deal with parents who have no boundaries? My dad has smothered and controlled me my entire life. Is there a support group or resource for adults who have parents like this? I feel like growing up has been substantially delayed for me because my dad undermines me and doesn’t actually like when I’m independent. Some examples of the behaviors I’m dealing with:
> calls me at work daily to tell me a random thing after I’ve told him multiple times that I work in a cubicle and texting is better.
> tells me to interrupt my work day to do things for him like saying I need to drop off my lazy ass grown adult sister who never got her license (bc she’s the “baby” of the family and not bullied by him like I am) or pick up his packages.
> follows me around the house talking at me about things only he cares about, even as im getting in the car and leaving for work.
> never let me put locks on my bedroom door, he or anyone can come into my room whenever. If we’re fighting I can’t just simply go to my room because he’ll stomp right in and continue screaming at me.
Yes ik I need to move out but I’m still saving because I know how shit this economy is. I only have like $10k in my savings and I am pushing through it to save up $50k. I have conflicting feelings, my dad is the only parent I have but he also gave me serious issues as he used to physically abuse me as a tween/teenager. My dad is the archetype in picrel. I also heavily feel that this style of parenting has fucked me up in major ways and I want to overcome it hence why any support resources would be helpful. My parents are both narcissists but I don’t like those Reddit narcissist parent communities because most redditors think their parents are narcissists so a lot of the stuff there is questionable.
No. 385096
>>385040That sounds extremely frustrating, and I'm sorry that you have to deal with your family demanding constant attention. It sounds like your father is mentally unwell, and honestly those narcissist reddit communities may have some good pointers (even if there's definitely way too many people on there with conveniently have narcissistic families). For the issues at work, you could tell him that you are required to silence/turn off your phone. I'd bet a manager would be happy to even write you a note/email saying that employees are required to keep their phones on silent. Every time you answer his calls, it reinforces to him that it's an appropriate way for him to contact you. When you ask him to text instead, it tells him that you are still available to contact, which is why he ignores your request and continues calling. You need to say that you will not be able to receive notifications or check your phone at work. Don't tell him you can respond at lunch or during a break, don't make exceptions, and stop answering his calls/texts. He'll learn after a bit that you won't engage with him and stop trying to get a response.
I used to get into fights really easily with my parents, and what honestly helped was removing myself when I realized I was about to fuel an argument. Even if they were totally in the wrong, I'd just say okay, and walk away. If he criticizes clothes like in your picrel, change and pack your real outfit. I don't know how psychologically draining this would be, but have you considered lying about some random part time gig? Tell him you picked up pet sitting or babysitting for a coworker, and if he tries to control you from leaving the house, or insists that you need to run his errands, you could say that you have to go to some other gig. Just keep at least one consistent time and then claim the rest is flexible (i.e. consistently leave the house for "pet sitting" for 1-2 hours every saturday morning). That way, if you can sense a fight or you need to get away, you can tell him you can continue later, but that you're running late for a gig, or that you picked up an extra few hours. Even better, actually take up babysitting or petsitting, there's a lot of parents that will pay well for to pick up the kids and drive them to activities for 2 hours, without it being a huge commitment. I make an extra $400-500/month chauffeuring two kids to their extracurriculars just 2-3 times per week.
My parents were never controlling, so I'm sorry if anything sounds unrealistic or misinformed about how to handle controlling behaviors. Again, even if the reddit forums are largely neckbeards who think their parents are narcs for asking them to get a job, there's still good advice that pops up. I hope you're able to get out of that situation soon, and wish you luck.
No. 385102
How do you subtly influence someone into helping themselves? A good friend of mine is going through a rough patch, and it's painful to see her avoid taking steps to help her situation. She is a few months shy of 30, it's been a year since she had a job in her degree field, she has ~5k of credit card debt, and she works odd jobs for people. She is able to pay rent, most bills, and cover the cost of food and gas, but money is extremely tight and unpredictable. I've sent her a few jobs I think she would enjoy, I asked her to come up with a list of what she wants and doesn't want in a job, and I (along with other friends and her family) have all separately encouraged her to get literally any consistently paying job. She applied to one and keeps saying she'll apply for the others, but she won't. She came up with the lists I recommended she make, but she avoids introspection and won't bother to even ask herself what she'd enjoy doing. She is clearly stressed, avoidant, and has been increasing her weed usage to escape. She's been working more to cover bills, but even that is slowly not becoming enough. She has no savings. Her current relaxation method is staring at her phone/computer and getting high every evening. She is clearly upset over the state and direction of her life and has a history of mental health issues.
I care about her and we have fun when we hang out. I don't mind footing the coffee bill, or reimbursing her for gas when she drives (I never ask for gas money from her). I've been stressed about her state because it really hurts to see someone with so much potential slipping back into depression. I think the first thing she needs to do is make a schedule where she can better visualize what jobs she has on what days, when she gets paid/how much, and what bills are due and when. I think it would help her feel more in control of her time. The second step she needs to do is apply anywhere, for any job that looks interesting enough that she could do it for a month. Once she is able to have a more consistent routine, I think she does a good job on her own of slowly getting a grip on things (the last year of issues came after a nasty breakup). I want to support her, but if this goes on any longer, I'm going to have to limit how much I'm around her because it is really starting to affect my own mental health.
Obviously her family, her other friends, and I can offer advice, but it's up to her if she wants to take it. I was wondering if there's any way I can subtly induce her to take action? I was thinking that it might be a good idea to stop our usual routine of grabbing a bite. Instead, I was thinking we could do a regular weekly walk so she'd have a routine time to relax and be in touch with her thoughts more (that isn't straight up escapism like her usual relaxation methods). I was also going to suggest holding a work session at her parent's place in the next few weeks. Her dad has offered to help her look at debt management non-profits and balance transfer options. I was thinking we could cook a fun brunch for her parents & sister, and then she could work on the debt stuff with her dad, and then look at job listings/do some applications, while I work on my own administrative things. I'm hoping a change of scenery + having someone else being productive in the vicinity + having a planned time + completing a different task (cooking something) will subconsciously make her feel more in control of her ability to apply for jobs and boost her confidence in her independence as an adult (via cooking a great breakfast) long enough that she can at least apply to a few jobs that might even interest her. Would love any other ideas for how to influence her into helping herself.
No. 385103
>>385038Try digging deeper into yourself as to why the friendship breakup
triggers you so badly each time. Anger is a defense mechanism that tells you you deserve better, and maybe in cases like this, you know what to objectively be angry at but haven't found the root of it.
But also keep in mind that sometimes you also have to practice letting go of ruminations if you fall into the path of analyzing them too much. In these cases, go do a set of squats or something that gives yourself some kind of stimulus to switch tracks of thought to.
E.g You friend treated you poorly ->
You accepted that poor treatment in xyz ways ->
Why did you accept it? ->
Did it feel normal to accept it? ->
What feelings influenced you to accept it - guilt, shame, wanting to accomodate, fear of loneliness, etc? ->
Where did those feelings come from? Are they reasonable for the situation that started off this rumination? ->
What can you do to better deal with those feelings and where they came from in the future?
E.g Can you find alternate responses to the situation? ->
What could you have said or done that expresses that that's an unacceptable way to treat you and also how/whether you value that relationship? ->
In a future similar situation, how might you respond? ->
What are some strategies you can use to give yourself space to think through your response instead of automatically defaulting to accepting it?
No. 385105
>>385040Look for a new job, look for a new place somewhere far away, and leave without telling anyone that you're going. 10k is enough to leave. Pack up and go.
>>385102She sounds like she has depression and/or anxiety. Pushing her into getting her life together will probably end up backfiring, especially if you come up with a schedule for her, or nanny her into applying for jobs you picked. I know you're doing this out of kindness and concern for your friend but it will probably come across as really overbearing and condescending. She might avoid spending time with you if she thinks she's going to get a lecture on life coaching.
I think your idea of going for a walk is great, you can grab something to eat and suggest having a picnic, or have coffee in a museum cafe and spend time looking at the exhibitions, so it doesn't feel like you're abruptly changing your usual routine. Joining something like a craft club or a dance class together would help too.
No. 385117
>>385102You’re making it your problem too much. You seem like a good friend but you can only do so much. It’s really sweet you care but you can’t trick her into having a better life… I don’t mean to sound callous or berate you for caring, but you should accept that some things are hers to solve. You can be straightforward with her if she’s doing something fucked up and she can take your advice to heart or sulk and hopefully get her shit together.
If you can offer her something concrete personally then by all means do it (a job offer from your business hypothetically, that sort of thing) but otherwise it truly is up to her and all you can do is be a friend. There are things you can do and things you can’t do.
No. 385278
File: 1710529308866.gif (221.65 KB, 200x200, happypy.gif)
>>385208I wish I could be you. If this is mental illnes it is the most rare and precious kind, like the holy grail of mental illnesses because it's a blessing and not a curse. I think you are really blessed and I love you for this. Just reading it gave me the happiest vibes and I'm a sad person usually. Go on living your truth, giga-stacy
nonnie.
No. 385288
>>385208Unless you’re manipulative and push boundaries, I don’t think there’s nothing wrong with it. Go live your best life
Nonnie!
No. 385299
>>385208You're the one who should be giving advice to us lol
When someone is mean to you, how do you react?
If someone was to call you manipulative how would you react?
Or delusional? Or over confident? Or mean? Or bad?
No. 385359
Ultra-self confident anon here. Im surprised at the response here lol the only people who truly know how I view the world are my parents and my mother has always been very vocal about how she strongly disapproves and would call me a psychopath to my face from the age of 7 years old for putting myself first at all times. Even if anyone had said it was wrong tho it wouldve bounced off my skin like every other opinion that doesnt align to my own kek
I think this is mostly innate in my personality but it is also something which developed in intensity since the age of 7-8 when I actively started 'faking it til I made it' for certain things. By like 11 I didnt have to fake anything anymore and my self-confidence and rejection of others opinions became stronger and stronger until it hit the current peak at around age 18-19 (early 20s now).
It does have its downsides in that I have very few people in my life and my selfishness can sometimes piss people off but honestly I am so content with myself I genuinely dont feel Im lacking anything nor have any reason to change. I never ever feel lonely - I used to occasionally when I was like 13-16 but I think my brain just completely rejects loneliness now, its a forgotten concept coz all I really need is me. I also very rarely feel embarrassment or shame, like once a year, and thats only if someone publicly humiliates me and is not of my own doing. I could shit myself in public and not feel embarrassed since I have total unequivocal acceptance of myself and everything I do. I also have never understood people needing external validation, or feeling 'invalid'. Dont think Im manipulative tho since I dont associate with others that much anyway and have no desire to.
>>385299If someone calls me something that I believe is true in my own perception of myself then I'd agree, even if it would normally be considered mean or hurtful. E.g someone calls me a selfish bitch, I'd say "yeah I know", but I feel no shame, offence or anything really as it aligns with how I perceive myself which I fully accept.
However if someone accused me of something I DONT think I am e.g 'manipulative' then I'd dispute it, but their opinion would just slide off me like water on duck feathers, as I know myself best at the end of the day and their opinion is simply wrong, so why even think about it?
I couldnt care less if people are mean by like talking shit about me behind my back or even to my face coz theyre entitled to do that and theyre just words doesnt affect me at all. If it is something that affects me in someway e.g lying and trying to get me in trouble at work, then I would confront the person directly no hesitation, fix any effects of their actions (e.g explain truth to manager) then likely never interact with that person again, only if I must. I am very quick to block and remove people from my life that I feel have negative effects and/or intentions as I can always do without them
No. 385382
>>385302If you have no choice, you'll probably just have to adapt and fast. It'll be hard, but once you're going through the motions again, I feel like it's easier to get used to it. If you can pace yourself a little more comfortably, it might be useful to start small and work your way up (like going outside for 20 minutes a day, then trying to make a phone call, eventually working on a resume, etc.) There's also a thread on ot that might have better advice for you here
>>>/ot/1714003>>385359Never change nona. This is genuinely inspirational to me.
No. 385418
>>385359Just curious how rejection of others opinions usually goes? Does that cause a lot of social friction, do you do it to their face or is it private/internal on your end and they find out later if at all?
I can't remember the exact quote but in the book Bossypants by Tina Fey she attributed much of her success to a completely unearned self confidence / high self-esteem she had from childhood and I always thought that was really sweet. lol
No. 385584
>>38541895% of the time I'll tell it straight to their face. If it's just a one off I'll keep it chill and just be like "no I dont think so" or sth like that with a smile. This is normally tolerated well although some people are taken aback by the bluntness sometimes. However if someone ignores this and tries to actually change my opinion, or force their opinion on me, that pisses me off greatly and I can get quite angry, I do not shy away from conflict and this can cause quite a bit of 'social friction' so to speak. There are cefrtain personalities I cannot under any circumstance get along with because of this; often those with a great degree of self-righteousness. I have had many people openly despise me throughout my life and the feeling is often mutual.
However if the person giving the opinion is someone I accept as having authoirty over me e.g a teacher, manager, police officer etc; then I will generally keep it internal if I know disagreeing aloud could have negative effects. Or if its like a psychotic methhead on the street kek I have high self-presevation when it comes to possible physical fights
>>385370Unfortunately cant say Ive used discord in about 7 years nona, I so rarely message anyone or use any social media apart from the odd imageboard.
No. 386021
>>385640I'm dealing with the same issues, starting therapy tomorrow to get some help. So far I've been recognizing I should turn to focus on what I can improve about myself instead of trying to control someone else. Occupying yourself with your own shadow work will take your mind off of worrying about others. I know easier said than done. I spent nearly most of my day obsessing over my boyfriend and issues he faced, feeling sorry for him, and hoping he'd try to live his best life by giving him pointers on how to live a better life and make better decisions, but in the end it just stressed him out even more.
Recognize you are not a god. Take things one day at a time and take a step back and look at things in a grand scale.
I had put so much pressure on myself and got so strict with my actions trying to prevent a huge mistake I made in the past, but I didn't realize how I am not the same person I was in the past and I already know better for myself. Previously, I had obsessed over trying to make everyone else's life become similar to mine, because I felt it was easy, but that just devalued my own hard work and experiences thinking anyone could do what I do.
Truly, just take it all a day at a time, don't be afraid to ask questions, and also recognize you have control over your attitude about something that may be frustrating to you over something that you cannot control. Do you want to live a life occupied with misery, or shift your focus on what you CAN do for yourself as soon as possible? Do you have books to read? Hobbies you want to get into? More friends you want to make? A new restaurant you've wanted to try? Focus on those things. Make a huge list.
It's a lot of mental work for sure. Look up radical acceptance and DBT skills.
No. 386137
>>386133I have some experience with this.
The only way to deal with people who are bringing you down is to avoid them. This guy is patronizing you and the rest of your friend group is taking his side. So stop hanging out with this friend group, or at least avoid anytime that he is around. If that means that you end up with no friends, so be it. Better to be by yourself then to be with people who are bringing you down. So much trouble comes simply from people being afraid to be alone.
No. 386175
File: 1710851487433.jpg (190.34 KB, 1426x1500, 81zButtiXuS._AC_UL1500_.jpg)
>>385446i think they're called button fly boxer briefs or jersey boxer shorts (with buttons or else they seem to have puffy pockets)? i bought calvin klein expecting better quality but the band gets wrinkled easy so generics are fine. there's no pocket pretty sure, i definitely can't feel one which is the biggest reason i only wear this type, very comfortable and breathable, don't buy those sports ones by under armor dear god do they suck
No. 386185
>>386173Oh! That's all? Nona, his feelings and reactions don't matter at all. He's a misogynistic asshole. Go ahead and bitch him out.
It's like you're worried he'll think you're a bitch. I promise you he already thinks that. You don't have to baby him or consider his feelings he's a grown man. If you think he feeds off the attention then ignore him like the other reply said.
No. 386315
>>386240horrible advice. He's a narc so he likely is really good at verbal confrontations, whereas anon is probably just a normie.
She should just refuse to engage with this guy. That is the only way to handle a narc
No. 386487
File: 1710980721712.jpeg (91.44 KB, 1283x1575, IMG_8537.jpeg)
I moved in with some friends, and one of their friends would often visit our apartment. He made an effort to engage with me, asking personal questions and trying to get to know me better. Over time, I started to develop feelings for him. I confided in my friends/roommates about my crush, and one day, one of them asked him what he thought of me. His response was, 'I don't want to stick my dick in crazy.' This made me realize that he wasn't interested in me the way I thought he was. I decided to move on and told my friends that I no longer had feelings for him. Since then, he hasn't visited our apartment, and I can't help but feel guilty if I somehow contributed to that outcome. I know I shouldn’t care about him since he has such a low opinion of me but he was one of the few people ever in my life that seem to want to get to know me
No. 386700
I'm
>>362268.
Should I tell my ex's mom and sister about the things he did to me? As far as I know he didn't give his family any details about why we broke up, but I don't feel that's fair. He ended up breaking our engagement because of my illness.
His mom reached out to me and told me I could call her whenever I wanted about my illness, told me I wasn't alone. I feel like telling her, I don't want them to think he's an angel and that this was my fault.
In our 1st year of dating he used to post on 4chan with a tripcode and made several comments about how he wanted to cheat on me with specific girls he knew. Should I show this to her? He even posted pics of himself under this tripcode so he can't lie and say it's not him.
No. 386701
File: 1711106263505.jpg (298.78 KB, 1536x2304, hmgoepprod.jpg)
>>386175I unfortunately can't find anything like these but I did find a non-tight alternative and having buttons instead of a pocket is great. It's kind of a shame they're so loose because I have to pull them up higher than I'd do with my normal boxers but eh. I also figured I could modify a pair with the pocket and make it a little less loose there, which I will also experiment with soon.
>>386425I was recommended those; didn't have the courage to buy them yet because the price seems a bit high. Do you mean picrel?
No. 386776
File: 1711133591534.gif (335.01 KB, 640x703, ouch.gif)
How do I break it to my parents that I'm strongly leaning towards dropping out of university after this semester?
I talked to my mom and didn't even bring up dropping out, just expressed my dissatisfaction with my studies, and she made it very clear that (in her mind) I NEED to just tough it out and at least get a Bachelor's. She used to implicitly expect at least a Master's but now I think she's trying to settle/compromise. For context, they are East Asian, so if you know what the culture around education is like… Yeah. They aren't the abusive/controlling kind but are definitely part of those people who have usnews.com college rankings bookmarked and brag to everyone that I'm in a top school, so it's not just a concern about future prospects but also a social status/cultural thing.
The thing is, I'm completely aimless here and only attended because I wasn't offered any other choice. This is my 3rd year and I still haven't really settled on a major, just floundered around miscellaneous courses (I go to a polytechnic school). I kept getting told that if I just kept exploring, eventually it'd just click and I'd discover that xyz was my true life's passion all along, but that just never happened and I'm tired of being complacent. Imo it's a huge waste because I'd need, at minimum, 2-3 more years and 200-300k more $ to complete a basic unimpressive degree that I don't even feel driven to get.
It probably doesn't help that I don't have a 100% solid direction on where to go outside of college, but I'm hoping to pick up a job where I can spend time with kids in a casual setting, that definitely interests me. I already know some people who say they could connect me with some stuff where you'd babysit and be a teaching assistant at a local church. But I think my parents are sort of wary of me going for that sort of thing because I've always been perceived as weird/autistic (I am not shy, people just think I'm odd) so they've always pushed me towards stuff like programming where you don't need to have great social skills. They aren't the only ones who've implicitly expressed this "you are a sperg who shouldn't work with people" sentiment so I guess that makes me feel pretty discouraged. Still, I feel like even being a NEET again would be better than bleeding money just to hate what I'm doing. I don't care to be a big earner (unlike them), I just want to be comfortable, and the cost of living is low in my area.
Does anyone have any tips on how to start this sort of conversation with them? It's not about them "letting" me since it's my own free choice, but just that I want it to go over as smooth and painless as possible…
No. 386867
>>386776dont really know what to suggest
nonnie - at the end of the day you know your parents best and how they'd potentially react. I'd suggest making sure you have a concrete plan you can propose to your parents to 'soften the load' so to speak, and where you can lay out the pros and cons of staying vs leaving uni. Might help also if they're worried about your future prospects to know you have something lined up.
Despite doing really well in school I didnt go to uni since I loathed education, everything surrounding it, and especially people my age kek and have simply worked full time since I finished high school. At first my parents were disappointed since I was "wasting my potential" etc etc but they eventually came round when they understood that uni really wouldve been terrible for me mentally and wouldnt have had any benefit whatsoever. Truly loving parents should come round no matter your choice - they might still have their own thoughts and opinions on the matter, but they should support you regardless. I wish you strength
nonnie!
No. 386919
>>386849>Youre not old in your twenties.Actually you're barely an adult. Life is just beginning. Moids calling young women old and unlovable is pure protection and womb envy
>Financial security is not the only thing you need for a "comfy" life.You also need many other things, including emotional security, which this guy obviously doesn't give you if you already broke up with him.
>He doesn't love you or care about you. He's not that into you. He is making more empty promises as he always did before. Even if he really did provide for you, I can easily see him turning into a financial abuser who constantly uses his money against you.
>You're not in the right headspace to make such drastic decisions.If there's a time limit for you to decide, then it's obvious that he doesn't really care about you or what's best for you. It's just manipulation and pressure.
>TLDRSounds like a waste of time and energy. Prioritise yourself. You survived without him before, you will do it again.
No. 386948
>>386849No, I tried to do it but he ended up being too
abusive and it didn't work out. It never works out.
No. 387021
>>387018Quit your job and live life like it’s precious because it is. Being responsible doesn’t mean toughing out bad situations until you die. Do what you want to do, take care of your body and mind.
Addendum: If your job is bad because you’re mistreated but otherwise it’s nice then you should argue with the bosses and raise hell just to make a stand. If it’s just a shit job then just leave.
No. 387051
>>387018Change jobs/fields. I went back to uni full-time at 25 to change fields. I'll be real and admit it sometimes sucked being the "old one" but it was much better than being miserable for the rest of my working life.
You probably have more options than you think to change fields. You don't have to go back to school full-time like I did, there's part-time education for adult too, courses you can take, even paid work + learning trajects in some fields, some jobs you can teach yourself at home and build your portfolio independently. Do some research, you're not stuck at your miserable job but you have to put in some action and effort to get out of it.
No. 387453
File: 1711411491772.png (1.45 MB, 1280x720, tumblr_b9505e13196c21ba1da0430…)
I just realized I probably made the wrong choice for my degree and I want to die (I should finish it by the end of this year). I feel so retarded and ashamed for only understanding this now. My course is pretty short (2 years), but I'm not sure if I can afford a change and staying another 2 years studying and working (I work with customer support, which I don't exactly like). For extra context, my current degree shares many subjects with the one I think I should've went to.
Would you nonas go for a change? Or finish the degree and try complementing it with external courses/certifications? Thanks.
No. 387529
>>387513I studied for computer science, got odd jobs here and there in addition to some months working as a computer technician, now I'm doing something completely different
scrubbing toilets and cleaning floors and it surprisingly pays not that much less
No. 387649
Thanks for all the replies, nonas!
>>387490I'll do that! Do you think going for a Masters before working in the area is fine? That's another doubt I have sometimes. I need to work on my portfolio too lol.
>>387513>>387539This seems like a real possibility too, since I study an area related to the one I thought would be more useful.
I needed to calm the fuck down to think more clearly lol
>>387597In the past, a gynecologist prescribed me pills (EE/GSD) and I took them for a while. They helped alleviate my cramps and breast soreness. These were good aspects, but my sex drive also died. I don't remember my general mood being affected, though. I hope everything goes well for you!
No. 387982
>>387745If almost everyone you know uses the wrong name then how is that one particular friend the problem?
How do you end up with a "right" and "wrong" name anyway, is this some deadname shit?
No. 387985
>>387928I'm taking hormonal bc for pcos right now and it seems to be working less after several years on. What did you have to do to help things after you stopped taking the pills?
I also completely agree about the brands all being different. Even the same generic ones were different than the name brand. I had some really really bad experiences with several of them.
No. 387987
>>387985Wish I had better answers for you but I'm still figuring it out. Early days, I've only been off it for 4 months but it's going well. I'm taking 4 supplements:
>NAC / N-Acetyl Cysteine. Supposed to help with improving insulin sensitivity and regulating menstrual cycles. >Myo-Inositol. Studies have found that taking an inositol supplement is very effective at increasing insulin sensitivity.>DIM. I don't get hormonal acne when I take DIM.>Acetyl L-Carnitine. Supposed to regulate the ratio of male and female hormones, may reduce the effects of hyperandrogenism (I don't have that, just mentioning it).I had one period so far and it was
completely painless which was wild. That's the only evidence I have that the supplements are helping, otherwise they could all be placebos for all I know (except the DIM, that really does help me with acne and I definitely notice when I stop taking it). Weight has gradually dropped and my measurements all dropped an inch or more the first two months, especially my abdomen. Really all the birth control did was prevent me from menstruating and going through that suffering, but after a long time I started to menstruate again regardless of the birth control and my abdomen was basically always uncomfortable, plus I felt the bc was making it harder to manage my weight and I'm really not interested in increasing my risk for diabetes in any way so… I'm just trying something else now.
No. 388700
File: 1712029117292.gif (290.34 KB, 498x361, 1711339262537.gif)
honestly, not really sure what to do about this. context: I've always had RBF, bad fatigue issues, jaw pain, several different bite issues, a severe speech disability that 5+ years of grade school speech therapy didn't fix, and I couldn't afford the 30000$+ jaw surgery my ortho recommended after scans. I haven't laughed since I was a kid for many reasons but one of them is because my jaw hurts. the only medical win I've ever had is insurance at least paying for nose surgery years ago because its deformity made it hard to breathe. this was a miracle and took months to get greenlit. there was improvement.
so, what I'm really worried about is that it's like in recent years a ton of tension is around my lip and nasolabial area and my expression looks absolutely wretched and I look like roadkill, far worse than in college where people were constantly already telling me I looked like I was dying and a crack addict–hell, the pain is far worse than my jaw pain, it's miserable. I also am having difficulty just…smiling, which wasn't a problem years ago. my confidence was already in hell. now? I do not go outside aside from earning money, without that I'd be completely agoraphobic. I even have been brushing off the only real friend I've had my entire life. it's so hard for me to just talk or wanna go outside if I don't need to. I feel kind of trapped in my own body and I know that sounds really dramatic as it isn't like my issues are severe.
No. 388733
>>388732Sounds like some form of body dysmorphia.
Wish I could help but I can only sympathize.
No. 388870
>>388700That sounds terrible. I don't have any advice for the social issues other than just get out there and live your life even if you have resting bitch face. It's not like you'll get that time back.
Main reason I'm replying is because I have really bad jaw issues too and talking and eating and pretty much everything makes it hurt. I have a prescription for muscle relaxers that has really helped a lot and keeps my mind off of it even though the pain doesn't go away completely. Have you ever tried anything like that for the muscle tension? I know it wouldn't fix your jaw alignment but maybe it could help you function better throughout the day.
No. 388890
File: 1712112584367.png (2.26 MB, 857x1142, IMG_3461.png)
>>388736I’m not AYRT and if you can’t tell if other people look good or not it’s probably not body dysmorphia. I don’t recommend looking into style systems seriously because they tend to steer people without an innate sense of style wrong but at the very least I’d read up on color analysis because a lot of the popular sites have pictures of people in blank fabric swatches and it makes it very clear as to what colors look good on them. Once you can tell that, while people don’t always look HIDEOUS in bad colors as style systems assume, they often just look normal or boring and at the very worst somewhat ill, and tend to look more present and coherent in certain colors, I’d recommend reading up on color theory, character design, and costume design. Then move to fashion theory and general sewing terms/how garments are shaped to the body. This isn’t a recommendation I give because I want to make you dress like a cartoon character or a coaplayer, it’s because this is how professionals design the looks of characters and reading about their decisions with visual aids can help you train your “eye”. Training your eye sufficiently, like an artist, is the best way to approach fashion when you feel clueless and dressing feels daunting. Once you understand why certain aspects of fashion have the visual effect that they do, like color and shape and proportion, you can look at your own coloring, body type, face and lifestyle and make visual decisions that make sense for you and that aren’t just following trends.
No. 388955
>>388941>Ideally I just want to yell get your hands off me.You do that and he will play the
victim hardcore. It’s what men do. He knows exactly what he’s doing and probably gets off on it.
I agree, dump him.
No. 389172
File: 1712267250624.jpg (4.41 KB, 204x247, images-1.jpg)
Reposting from vent thread
My bfs cousin hates me. He thinks I'm too much for my bf to handle. He said so. He thinks my bf is not strong enough. My bf asked him why is he so invested and he said he wants to keep my bf safe. I want to die, maybe I need to get rid of myself to get rid of the evil of the world.
I really don't know what to do anymore. If a nonna has any idea let me know.
No. 389180
>>389172Tell his faggot ass cousin to fuck off. Nona, don't let yourself get bullied like that, you are an adult. You're leaving out a lot of context but there is no universe where you should kill yourself because you're "too much" for your bf to handle. The fuck?
By the way if your boyfriend lets his cousin speak to you like that and doesn't defend you then you should dump him, he's trash. I hope he told him to back off. His cousin is insulting you and him.
No. 389217
>>389210>>389191>>389180I'm just gonna reply with what I said in the vent thread to provide context
He keeps saying things about me and how my bf is not strong enough and he needs to protect him.
About my bfs parents, his mom died not too long ago but I never got to meet her, my bf simply showed a picture of me to his mom and she said "She's a good one". The mom also told the cousin "take care of him". So now he's over protective of him. I will meet the dad and my bfs sister soon for the first time. They don't think anything bad about me. I'm just so fucking afraid of fucking up, I'm not a family person.
I have to add that I've barely spoken to the cousin, he just thinks I'm too depressed and too troubled for my bf to handle. He's very suspicious of me. I've never had this situation in my life.
My bf disagrees with his cousin and has talked to him and defended me. The guy was stubborn and never apologized. Idk.
No. 389268
Starting to think men are incapable of love. My boyfriend has the emotional intelligence of a fucking rock. He's happy to accept comfort and understanding from me, but I don't receive it in return. I need to ASK for an apology and describe exactly what he needs to do to help me feel better, or else it just gets ignored. I called him out on it last night, I told him be does something that upsets me, and then when I get upset, he rolls over and fucking whines like a puppy because HE needs comfort. I told him he doesn't get to throw a pity party waiting for me to come and console him and tell him its ok, he needs to own up to it and he owes me an apology. Anyways, I told him I'm sick of feeling like I don't matter and it's not fair, I'm starting to give up and theres a growing resentment that needs to be nipped in the bud. I had a very important doctors appointment today in regards to declining health that has been taking a toll on us both, and I sent him the update and told him exactly whats going on and he left me on read, also he wasn't working today but couldn't be bothered coming with me cos he wanted a lie in. He's giving me the cold shoulder now and I just said fuck this shit. I'm just gonna brood for a bit and I'm gonna see how long it takes him to talk to me. The longer he takes the worse, cos I'm gonna have more time to plan out what to do with the flat, what furniture belongs to who, and where I can move to when we inevitably break up. Men are all fucking manbabies who need a mummy gf to stroke their egos but they are incapable of saying 'whats wrong?' Or 'are you ok?' Unprompted. Am I too jaded? Am I going to die either single and alone or unfulfilled and full of hatred for my partner??
No. 389277
>>389268Like
>>389273 said, start making your plans and then dump him immediately. I stayed an extra few weeks longer in a shitty relationship because I waited for him to come around. He never did. I know how much it fucking sucks, but at least if you continue to date, you know exactly what to look out for and avoid. Unfortunately a lot of men have low emotional intelligence, I just dump guys immediately even before we start dating if they show any signs, even the slightest hint, of it. Be unrelenting, have high standards for how you're treated, the last thing you want to do is waste more months of your life with a retarded moid.
No. 389551
Hi nonnies, I am in a predicament and I'm not sure what to do.
So to start, I am in a relationship and I hang out with my Nigel practically every day. He is the only person that makes me feel heard and actually makes the effort to spend time with me. Similarly, my best (?) friend of about 5 years is dating my Nigel's best friend. All four of us are in a friendgroup together that involves the boys' roommates, my roommates, and some other college friends.
My best friend, for the past 2 years, has essentially has never invited me anywhere and does not talk to me much. Today, her and her bf were planning on going on a date to [insert big city 40 mins away from us]. They end up going, but also with two friends we don't hang out with much and two friends from out of town.
They invited my roommate, but not me. I am 10x closer to them all than he will ever be. They also did not invite my bf, who is also much closer to them. I brought this up to my Nigel when I learned they went, and neither of us were told about the plans nor invited. When I reached out to one of them, she responded "oh well there wasn't enough room in the car :)" but they all invited my roommate??
They're all hanging out at the bf's apartment and my Nigel and I are at my apartment kind of wondering why we were left out.
To add, we were all planning on going to that city to hangout for MONTHS. Literally months. I just feel so left out and I usually am, but this feels like a huge "fuck you" to my face. I already hide in my room all day because my best friend (?) makes me feel ostracized and she only ever hangs out with other people, also… SHE LIVES WITH ME. She literally lives with me. And my Nigel's best friend lives with him.
Am I overreacting?? Was I really left out on purpose or something?
No. 389552
>>389551To add:
I would have driven separately if we were invited.
My Nigel's best friend constantly complains that they never hang out.. but he decided to go to a city with our friends and his gf (who completely leaves me out of everything)
Like what? I literally just feel at a loss for words.. I can't tell if I'm just mega autistic and can't really tell.. but I feel like I'm being purposefully left out. To add insult to injury, the friend I reached out to (who is basically always a neutral party) was like "aw but we were planning to invite you to the club later with the girls" even though she knows full well I hate clubbing and haven't gone since I was a freshman in college. Am I misinterpreting everything? I'm literally autistic so that is why I'm asking for help kek.
No. 389603
File: 1712478347332.jpg (15.37 KB, 503x493, 1712331186511.jpg)
I'm the same anon as:
>>389172>>389217I talked to my ex gf about this thing and asked for her advice, and she told me something I didn't see before but I really do agree with:
My bf's cousin is being manipulative by mentioned my bf's recently deceased mother. He also did dismiss him when my bf told him that he has grown a lot since he met me over 5 years ago (thanks to me), he said to him he loves me and feels safe with me and yet the cousin is very stubborn on the matter. My ex gf also said that if the cousin wants to meet me or get to know me better to appease his suspicious thoughts about me, that's not really my problem, my bf should had done more / should do more to prevent this type of situations. Like, he's not my family, me trying to fix things as a people pleaser is not going to do anything. I tried. Thoughts?
No. 389763
I did a cosplay photoshoot a while back with my usual photographer. I never have complaints or issues with his work, but for this character specifically, they’re quite pretty and more “refined” looking, so I’ve been editing my own photos a bit even though I don’t usually. Smoothing skin, making my nose a little slimmer, removing eye wrinkles & softening smile lines, nothing major. However this photographer prefers people don’t edit his photos. He’s edited one for me already from this shoot after I requested to post my own edit the first time, explaining to him I was doing some light altering for this character only, but I didn’t like it as much as my own edits. I have one more photo from this shoot I want to post, and have edited it how I like, but can’t decide what to do. Should I explain my feelings and ask if it’s okay to post just this one time with a disclaimer I edited it myself? Honestly I don’t see any reason this should be a problem, but I have a feeling he’d be against it. Post and say nothing and hope it’ll be swept under the rug? Simply never let the photo see the light of day at all? I’m torn. I don’t want to damage our “friendship”, but I also really like the edits I’ve made, and I don’t want the photo itself to go to waste either because it is a very nice photo.
No. 389897
>>389891What are we supposed to say to that though? Her friend is right. She’ll get there one day and stop caring about his retarded cousin.
Each person in a couple is responsible for dealing with their own family members. It’s on the boyfriend if there’s ever any actionable steps to take. His job to run interference. Nothing for her to do except ignore him and be civil (unless cousin crosses a major line of some type, then she can leave or call the cops on him, etc.)
No. 390046
File: 1712650201220.png (1.18 MB, 1280x1467, bruh face kinda.png)
im thinking about a big breast reduction in the future, and i feel a sense of guilt almost. i dont even wear makeup, i really really love natural women, i dont shave or anything. thats part of why this feels like im betraying myself. my two breasts are probably almost two full cup sizes apart. gaining weight hasnt helped. im healthy, not even near overweight, but the difference in being underweight to a healthy average made my right boob sag so much worse. i am super against plastic surgery and the mutilation of healthy tissue, i would never want a woman in my position to feel the need to get a reduction since its just natural and part of being a complicated, flawed human, right? but it really, really bothers me. bras dont exactly fit right, so either one sides squished or one sides too loose. itd just be so much nicer if i moved down to like, a small A cup. i would love to be able to run and jump without having to hold my chest, i have to do that even with a sports bra on, not to mention the pain. i know many women with large chests that dont wear bras which rock, but for me its super uncomfortable and i hate the pulling sensation as i even just WALK without one on. Id love to get down to like, an A cup. just so i wouldnt have to wear bras, or worry about the pain, or have to hold my boobs whenever i run for the rest of my goddamn life. i feel ashamed for also wanting the aesthetic benefits as well. womens clothes are not designed for women with large chests, thats just how it usually is. id just be able to wear so much more without it being awkwardly tight or making my silhouette so peculiar.
No. 390082
>>390046I support you
nonny you shouldn't be feeling bad. I'm also big chested and while I've learned to love my boobs I also understand the struggle to not being able to run without them bouncing everywhere kek. There's definitely clothes for us out there, flattering clothes that look good on big chested women. I've tried a lot of stuff and I've found a couple things that feel alright. I only wear comfy bras as well. I try to love my body the way it is. Whatever you chose, please don't be ashamed!
No. 390132
>>390128I think her main issue is that there's a big difference in cup size between her two breasts.
>my two breasts are probably almost two full cup sizes apartWhich I guess wasn't as noticeable when she was underweight but now it's obvious so she's thinking about it. I don't think it was about them being too big.
>>390046You should ask a doctor what kind of maintenance it would require 5, 10, 20 years down the line. If you gained or lost weight in the future would they just become asymmetrical again? Is the surgeon good enough to make them symmetrical in the first place? (I've seen some very asymmetrical boob jobs, some surgeons are not that good.) Once they remove the fat and tissue it doesn't come back, and weight gain or loss down the line can require further cosmetic surgery to maintain appearances or it looks botched. Think realistically if this would solve your problem long term. That said if you really want to reduce one so they're closer to matching, go for it.
It'll be like a reverse Shay kek sorry No. 390151
File: 1712698761074.jpeg (30.55 KB, 680x641, 1683268178640.jpeg)
>>390046I got one and it was the best decision I've ever made in my life. It improved my life so much, it feels amazing to be able to buy bralettes off the rack for under $20, be able to go to the gym without pain or the entire male population staring, and just massively improved quality of life.
I originally wanted an A cup but went a bit bigger at about a b-c because I was worried about scarring and dog-ears and I'm fine with the size. I can still wear a compression bra or sports bra if I want them to stay still during sports or whatever.
MY BIGGEST PIECE OF ADVICE is research your surgeon WELL. I spent a long time deciding on the best surgeon I could find and I'm glad I did. My results look better than 95% of what you see on r/eduction, because I chose a female surgeon with a lot of experience instead of a moid who also does boobjobs and nosejobs. MAKE SURE TO ASK FOR LIPO AROUND YOUR INCISIONS otherwise you risk possible dog-earing or them healing unevenly.
not a TIF but I'd recommend someone who has also done FTM top surgery, as they will be better at scar placement and be able to get you down to a smaller cup size without handwringing about "DONT YOU WANNA LOOK ATTRACTIVE FOR MEN TO COOM ON YOU?" I had multiple surgeons refuse to get me to the size that I wanted while my surgeon said she could get me to whatever size and she did a great job. I promise you won't look like a tranny, it's just sad how brainwashed most hetties are.>>390128 as a former big boobed woman. no you fucking cannot. also implying women are "mutilating" themselves to get surgery to vastly improve their quality of life, mobility, and health is retarded at best and downright malicious at worst.
No. 390176
Okay I need only legitimately traumatized bi women to answer this, because I need to put this to rest inside of myself once and for all:
Is it possible to be traumatized by the brutality of men so much so, that now you can't even feel any arousal at all just looking at pictures or be in an irl situation with a naked man?
Reason why I asked is that, I learned that PTSD can cause a huge mucky mess out of a person's sexuality, that it has probably made a generation of young people believe themselves to be asexual, when really they're just probably extremely depressed/traumatized, and have to wonder if that kind of experience could be translated within the bisexual experience also.
I feel like… a bisexual where one half of my orientation has been permanently shut down, so to speak. This happens, right? I'm at peace with it, I mean, if I never get turned on by men ever again, then that's fine, whatever. But I just wanted to see if there are others like me out there and like.. how do you even cope?
No. 390184
>>390176the short answer is yes, of course.
i'm a bi woman and i thought i was a lesbian after a very difficult relationship with a man because i no longer felt attraction to men. in fact, i was repulsed. after quite some time, i regained my attraction to men. don't overthink it. focus on healing yourself first so that you can fully enjoy yourself and whatever relationships may enter your life.
No. 390361
>>390320>Do I just read self-help books until something clicks?No no no. 1000x no. That would be the worst thing you could do.
First thing is, what is it about yourself that you hate? Your looks? Your intelligence? Your personality?
The problem with normal advice for self hate is it either tells you that you actually aren't that bad (you are beautiful! you are smart!) or it tells you to try to improve the things you are insecure about (go on a diet! get plastic surgery!). None of that shit works.
Let's say, for example, that you totally suck at algebra: you wouldn't hate yourself over that because it isn't something that you value. Similarly, the only way to stop hating yourself for being ugly is to stop valuing physical beauty.
I used to hate myself for being ugly but now I actually feel sorry for people who are attractive. It's all about perspective
No. 390437
File: 1712804388434.jpg (28.91 KB, 728x410, 1712702433127.jpg)
I keep waking up at certain hours of the night with anxiety, and I don't know how to fix this. I take my pills but it doesn't work. It also comes with feelings of suicide sometimes. What should I do?
No. 390450
File: 1712807222373.jpg (87.37 KB, 564x704, 1712789965649.jpg)
hi nonnies, I'd like some advice on where I should look for a neet/social pariah friendly part-time job and tips on keeping it together. I have trouble communicating due to a deformity as well as general health issues and frequently people ask if I'm autistic due to my behavior. also I'm fine with work specifically…if it has nothing to do with other people. I can sit and work for 12 hours straight. I do earn money at some freelancing gigs and I enjoy them probably because I can do them under my own terms. unfortunately though it isn't like I have any major skill I could make a lot from.
and no I don't hate other people, but I'm too much of a retard to fit in and I often accidentally bother people; for example I said "wow you did great!" at a bag girl and she started crying because she thought I was being sarcastic. I wasn't, the way she stacked the items was the best I had ever seen. I also have had the same best friend since I was a little girl and I genuinely can't even imagine making another friend, I haven't even had a conversation with someone else irl in years and I have no desire to so…yeah, I'm a loser kek.
No. 390695
File: 1712880686442.webp (31.15 KB, 1080x608, trust-me-dont-v0-1jbf6dzgm9u81…)
>>390437I'm this will sound really retarded
especially if your anxiety isn't like mine but most nights I can't sleep because I'm convinced that everyone hates me, my life is a dead end and I'm worthless. idk who the yellow sonic is but this stupid meme image has unironically helped me out a lot, I repeat it like a mantra. At night, your brain likes to sort through your memories and ideas, and process your cringy mistakes. To some extent everyone goes through this because it's part of committing things to memory, and of course if you have anxiety or depression you're probably much harsher on yourself than you should be. Don't do anything rash while your mind is in that state. I'm sorry I don't have any "cure" because I struggle with this too, personally I distract myself with some music, reading or physical activity until I'm too tired to keep my eyes open. Other nonnas are recommending drugs and while that could help, it's also how I ended up with a crippling weed dependency for a while so I've been trying to not use drugs as a crutch so much.
No. 390796
>>390794Can't your cousins move away too when they grow up? Or is the country a relicious
problematic country as well as the family? I think they can move out without a uni too can't they?
If i was you i'd leave for sure.
No. 390800
>>390794The correct decision is to leave. You are mentally caving to the family pressure, that's how the cycle gets perpetuated. Go. Leave. Your cousins can also leave when they become adults.
If you want to keep up appearances while you're away at Uni and stay in contact and pretend to be a good daughter for a while to give your cousins more time (time to apply to college abroad if they're even planning on doing that?) that's an option but realistically it might not make a big difference and it could come at considerable cost to you. Do not compromise your plans further than that. I understand wanting to help them but the decisions their family makes will not be your fault and you can't think of it like that or you'll go crazy. If you can not directly physically remove them from their situation you actually have very little influence, and staying in misery with them will not help anyone.
No. 391089
File: 1713035507253.jpg (202.07 KB, 1079x1392, GKNaoc9aAAAzVwp.jpg)
I got two subjects I am way too invested in, like way more than the average person is, it may even sound like obsessions to some people. I apologize for sounding vague about what they are, but one could potentially track back to me and the other is just too cringe.
One of them was going to be my thesis. I was very invested in this subject ever since my grad program and I was almost sure I would pursue my academic life and specialize in that, I was already working towards that with a teacher who specialized in that area, but some stuff happened and I had to drop my uni and I can't go back and continue. I never stopped being interested in the subject, so it remained something I read and studied as a hobby, but now it feels like a dreadful thing to carry on. It reminds me I'll never pursue my academic life and about all the things I've lost. It's a specific subject that most people don't give a shit about, so it's not something I can share and talk to other people about it either. Ideally, I would like to put it in the past and stop caring about it altogether, but I feel like I'm losing more of myself by dropping it. How do I overcome this feeling?
My second interest is a media franchise. And while it's a harmless interest and even helps me be more creative, It has been a way for me to numb myself from some of my problems. I am way too invested in it, to the point I know it's retarded that I know by heart so many dates and information about a fictional setting. I even avoid communities surrounding it, because I realize my obsession is peculiar and I only relate to the most autistic hardcore fans, which isn't something I'm proud of.
While they don't affect me negatively, I've been slowly feeling more ashamed for being like this. I don't stop myself from enjoying other media and interests, but those don't turn me away from my major interests. I'm not autistic, so I don't have any excuse to be like this kek. I want to be a person with an average interest in things. I want to move away from the dream of pursuing my academic studies because they are unfortunately not possible for me. I don't want to feel like I'm losing part of myself by dropping these either. I know it's weird advice I'm asking, but I don't know where else to ask for it. I could potentially substitute them for other subjects, but I don't feel that's a real solution, just a different direction for the same problem. I know they are coping mechanisms but I'm scared these fixations are becoming a problem by themselves.
How do I do it? Do I detox myself from them, cut them out entirely? How do I cope with the empty feeling it leaves?
No. 391491
please be gentle with me I hope I don't come off as a weirdo
How weird is it that I have dedicated a part of my personal journal to a girl I knew from school? I don't talk to her anymore but I still follow her socials so I have access to her photos and small glimpse of her life.
No, I don't have a crush on her, I'm straight, I actually kind of hate her, she used to be a huge pick me and it worked (she got in a relationship with the guy I used to have crush on), and also a huge part of it was envy. I used to be extremely obsessed with her when I was younger.
I know you won't believe me but no, I'm not obsessed with her anymore. I have her in my journal because she was everything I wanted to be as a kid and I use her as an inspiration to fulfill my childhood dreams in a way. The girl who takes care of herself, has a nice body, rich, looks and acts feminine.
So I printed out the pics that used to trigger me the most, her looking good and travelling around the world, having fun with friends.. etc and set some goals that relate to these pics.
typing it out I feel like a major weirdo and I want to go burn these pages but they genuinely helped me change for the better in a weird way. what should I do?
No. 391495
>>391491Are you still doing it or is this something you're done with now?
I feel like it wouldn't be as weird if it was a celebrity, but because it's a random nobody it seems obsessive.
No. 391505
>>391492well yeah, i feel like a creep for it so I'm probably going to get rid of it one day
>>391495I'm done with it as in, I'm not adding anything new to the journal that's about her. I still look at it every now and then though.
No. 391519
>>391089There's nothing wrong with having passions nonna, I'm sorry you feel like your obsession is abnormal. I used to relate to you, in that I wished I could stop being such a sperg for subjects and medias I deemed inconsequential and unimportant because it felt so lonely and alienating, but I realized I was in the wrong for feeling that way when I met other spergs. From what you've written, it sounds like you feel bad about being passionate mostly because you're not surrounded by other people who are as passionate as you, which doesn't make it a fault of yours at all. It's even a plus that the media franchise you like offers you creativity and sanctuary, you should treasure that. What I suggest is that you find someone who is either passionate about that same thing or is simply willing to listen to you and engage with you on it. It's easier said than done of course, but a lot of people including normies have personally told me that my excitement and depth of knowledge on media I cared about was something they really liked about me, even if they didn't particularly care about what I was talking about. Sure you only relate to the most autistic hardcore fans, but that's a beautiful thing! It's the most autistic and hardcore fans who keep fandom alive and interesting, not the people who casually browse a subreddit for that thing and laugh at surface-level memes then go on with their lives, kek. The world is already so harsh and merciless, what's wrong with a little bit of light in the darkness?
As for the subject you can no longer pursue, I think the advice remains the same about finding someone who cares about you and therefore cares about what you have to say and what interests you. I don't know what subject you're talking about, but if there are ways you can pursue it as a hobby, do that too! Like if it's art related, maybe you can draw/sculpt/paint on the side, etc. If you feel like you'd be losing part of yourself by dropping these interests, then understand that that is not a feasible thing for you to do. You can only be you, therefore you have to be you. So embrace it. I hope you're able to accept yourself, and that you can find someone else who will accept you and what you love.
No. 391580
>>391579when I started doing Bikram Yoga, what they told us was that you should always compare yourself to other people in the class. If you aren't able to perform the poses as effectively as they are, it means that you are weak and don't deserve the benefits that yoga brings.
Nah, just kidding. If you are comparing yourself to her, don't try to get rid of that feeling. That feeling will go away on its timetable, not yours. You may even be able to lean into it and use it as motivation
No. 391983
>>391874orgasms can
trigger ovulation, if you sometimes have the same pains (called mittelschmerz) in the middle of your cycle (~14th day) that could be the case
No. 392040
File: 1713407310871.gif (2.82 MB, 498x278, cry-fullmetal-alchemist.gif)
I don't like who I have become after college. I graduated in the pandemic and ever since then, I completely failed to integrate into society. I'm nothing. I feel like nothing. I've regressed and I'm completely isolated except for my bf. I have no plans other than sleeping and waking up tomorrow again I guess. I'm plagued by constant nightmares, and it is those nightmares the ones that keep fucking me up. I dream about people no longer in my life, from college or high school, I dream about school, teachers, classes, etc. Its like my head resents me for not being in school anymore, right now I don't want to study a master's degree or anything like that so I'm done with it. I have no friends, they all went away. I blame a lot of this pain on my own personality and lack of motivation. But I just don't know anymore. How do I stop these fucking nightmares? Help.
No. 392139
>>392133Me too,
nonnie. I constantly dream about high school and people who don't exist in my life anymore. It's just my brain not having any stimulation and trying its best to work with what its got, kek. Wishing you the best. We can do it if we try.
No. 392258
File: 1713502619275.jpg (96.86 KB, 828x786, cowboy_garlfield.jpg)
I just really feel like my life is over. How do I get over this feeling? All the whimsy is gone. I feel like I'm living over time. Like maybe it's time for me to die. What's up with that?
No. 392294
>>392258Start and end your day by writing down at least 2 things you're grateful for. Even the tiniest thing, like a nice cup of coffee - like being in a place in time where you can have a cup of coffee daily. Like being able to vent to strangers on an imageboard without judgement. I can not stress enough that what you're feeling is normal; people go through bouts of apathy and disinterest in life. You will work through it, and the best and quickest solution to help you along is to practice graittude. It's feeding your mind and soul, don't starve yourself unknowlingly and be fooled into thinking 'this is it for me'. Give the routine I mentioned a try for 2 weeks and report back. Good luck
nonnie.
No. 392304
>>392298>rockhoundingbased and corvid-pilled lol
also your advice is really good, I was going to reply to them but I have nothing to add now.
No. 392315
File: 1713535338329.jpg (71.35 KB, 638x821, FqPYcvEWIBYFxzQ.jpg)
>>391519Thank you for this, really. To briefly explain the reason I had to drop my academic interest. A guy in my uni raped me and he is influential, rich, and established there. There is no other institution in my country to pursue an academic career in that area besides that one and everyone knows my rapist. It's been years too, so there isn't anything for me to do about it. I think I'm still hurting for not being able to pursue my dream and for the pain he brought, so I thought of dropping my interest in the area altogether to run away from this reality. Reading your post made me realize that my interests are part of me and I shouldn't give up on more because of him. The topic might be too autistic and technical to banter with most people, but maybe someday I'll find someone who enjoys it, like you said. Studying it makes me happy and I'll keep it as my hobby.
You made me realize how I was giving up on pieces of myself because of others. My passions never hurt me in any way, I feel they even helped me and kept me interested and moving forward. So there wasn't a reason for me to let it go.
I hope you see this post, thank you so much for your thoughtful reply, even with limited information you managed to say very insightful and kind things that helped me. Sorry for sounding sentimental, but your post lifted me and made me see something in a different light, one I had been stuck seeing in a very bad and pessimistic way. I'm happy you met other spergs to share your interest, wishing you the best. ♥
No. 392745
i'm too autistic to tell if this is a crazy thing to do, please help nonas. half a year ago i was in a new city late at night, my phone dying (i was fucked without my eticket home) and the cornershop i walk into didn't sell chargers, but the owner insisted on helping me. i was shy and tried to decline at first, but i ended up in the back section of this man's shop - he charged my phone, gave me tea and fruit and we talked until i needed to leave for my coach. he seemed very polite and kind, a little strange (language barrier/cultural difference?) and lonely (war refugee from his country) he even offered to let me stay the night at his apartment to save me travelling late at night, and offered me a job at his shop as i was telling him i'm a NEET basically. i'm not so insane to accept a stranger's offer to a second location, but i was actually tempted. he didn't give creeper vibes but he was kind of into me i think. i texted him to let him know i made the coach, he texted hello the next day but i never replied, and that was it.
but now i'm considering visiting this city again, to meet this man and partially lose my man-virginity kek. i've had longterm intimate relationships with women my own age and i'm early 20s now, and never been with a man. he's late 30s/early 40s iirc, and kind of what i've been craving more and more recently (tall, masculine, but nonthreatening, i'm curious about exploring my bisexuality). i'm only like this when i'm ovulating, i'm not looking to get into another relationship yet and not with a man. he is looking for real companionship though, and all i want is end up at his place and test out his big hands during a time when my hormones make me crave that shit like crack. i've never ever had anything close to casual sex, this guy could be a serial killer, is this crazy to even consider? i would probably send a friend my live-location, and text him out of the blue to say i'm visiting the city would he like to meet at a cafe? that's if he isn't in a relationship now, or even replies. maybe fumble my way into something physical, hope he lets me leave his place after and not push boundaries. i sound insane right? or am i overthinking it and most men aren't actually so dangerous? famous last words fml
No. 392754
>>392752(please prepare for sperging) to be fair the back section of his shop wasn't fully enclosed and not more than 15ft from the entrance to his shop, i watched him make the tea and ate an orange after he tried to offer me snacks from the shop. he asked my age and i guess men of that generation see nothing wrong with that kind of age gap, i think if i had said younger he would've been respectful. he invited me to his apartment nearby, not to stay in the shop (arguably worse i guess) and he never tried to text me again after the single text he sent the next day. he shook my hand that i offered when i left, he never tried to initiate physical contact. he was weird in the sense that he didn't realise how strange it was to be offering me work and a place to sleep the night. i think yes he was speedrunning marriage with me in his head a little bit because he kept saying he never met a woman like me in this country (tbf the city he is in has less demure female demographics) but he never tried pushing any boundaries. i think he was just shocked and concerned i was by myself getting midnight coaches places when he offered i take his bed. fuck i sound more retarded the more i lay out my own logic. but he seemed so nonthreatening that i even thought he was gay to begin with. i think he left his country before russia got very warcrimey, he seemed normal/not scarred by the visages of war kek.
yes there's a risk i go to his and he traffics me / takes advantage of me but i kind of think every man is a risk right? if i want to have an experience with an older bigger man then i'm risking it either way? is it so impossible to meet a random man and cuddle and do some hand stuff? fuck maybe i should forget it and stick to women, i'm starting to think i'm going to end up playing stupid games and winning stupid prizes involving myself with men.
i hate how my gay male friends can go to some random grindr hookup's house and not even have to think twice. i guess i should internalise the fact i have to be more wary as a woman. i usually am and i think i have a good danger radar but now i'm starting to think i don't at all because i was actually planning to do this.
No. 392767
>>392754>i think i have a good danger radaryou have approximately zero danger radar and it's not your fault because you said you have autism but you have to be aware that your radar is broken and so do not trust its readings without talking to another (non autistic) woman first. You are legitimately a danger to yourself if this is legit and not just bait and I fear for you.
Hooking up with men is dangerous even for non-autistic women– being autistic and unable to discern red flags or dangerous situations puts you at nuclear level risk because all the "off" guys normie women insta-avoid by instinct will magnetize straight to you because you don't have Geiger counter to tell you they're putting out lethal levels of radiation
No. 392824
File: 1713791824950.jpg (418.53 KB, 3455x2160, 344672-1468884005.jpg)
Posting this here because I want advice
This year things haven't been really good, recently some stuff has been happening and it's been making me feel like I shouldn't exist. Like my life is unnecessary and I should die, stop existing, stop being a thing so I can stop harming the world.
Like I was going to write exactly what is bothering me right now but that's too hurtful to even type out. I'm writing this and I don't know how to type.
I love my bf and my bf loves me but he has a cousin who said he can't sleep at night because my bf is with me and the cousin has anxiety because he thinks I'm not good enough and that he needs to keep my bf safe from me. I've never talked to the cousin other than a group chat where he mentioned cumming inside his asian gf. I don't like the guy. He barely knows me.
I keep thinking maybe I should really die and leave my bf alone. Like I don't see myself getting integrated in his life with a cousin like that. Everyone else in his family is so supportive of him being with me but the cousin. I'm not okay. I think I should die because of they only knew I'm fat, ugly, autistic, depressed. The cousin says I'm too much trouble for my bf. My bf tries to tell me that I'm good enough and that I've made his life better and can't think of a life without me.
I have deep attachment issues and guilt and shame and everyday I keep thinking that the world would be better without me. My bf feels devastated when I say that. And it's a little spiral of me feeling like I'm not a good person then I make my bf feel sad because he thinks I'm good but then making him feel sad proves the cousin's point. That I'm bad. So it makes me feel like I should die.
Sorry for the stream of consciousness type of post. I don't know how else to explain this.
No. 392846
>>392824easier said than done but you should hate your pathetic spineless worm bf's cousin more than you hate yourself. It will help dull the pain you're going through when you focus it on blaming the correct person.
It's abysmal that your bf doesn't directly confront his horrifically out-of-line cousin and instead seem to think just a few nice words to you will be enough.
I remember you venting about your bf's IRL yaoi-
toxic-codependent-yandere cousin. It's against the rules to a-log so I won't, but you should dump your bf because all this psychological pain he's letting slide is not fucking okay at all. Forget about leaving him alone, he should leave YOU alone. Please learn to hate moids deeply, with a seething passion. Imagine the cousin's disembodied corpse or something and take pleasure in your instinctual relief.
No. 392848
>>3928241. Work on your self-esteem. Seriously, get professional help if you can.
2. Ignore the cousin. It's literally just one person in the family and he doesn't matter. You're putting so much value on the opinion of a person who doesn't matter.
Please learn the distinction between what and who's opinions matter. How do you think your bf feels that you put more value on his cousin's word than his, your own bf?
No. 392852
File: 1713800876999.jpg (324.55 KB, 1440x1319, Screenshot_20240422-112247_Duc…)
>>392754hi nona, this is
>>392749. Not trying to nitpick, but I'll go through the points you listed and point out any warning signs/things I'd want any friend of mine to watch out for.
>the back section of his shop wasn't fully enclosed and not more than 15ft from the entrance to his shopDid the shop have any customers? Is the inside of the shop and the inside of the back area of the shop visible from the street? Were there people on the street? How small is the back area?
>i watched him make the tea and ate an orange after he tried to offer me snacks from the shop.It's good that you watched him prepare the food. As a rule I'm just wary of strange men offering it in general, and because of things like picrel.
>he asked my age and i guess men of that generation see nothing wrong with that kind of age gap, i think if i had said younger he would've been respectful.1. So he was being disrespectful
2. Please don't try to read his mind or excuse his actions for him. This is a strange outside party you don't know anything about. Anything goes, especially when he's a strange older and bigger man and it's late at night and alone.
>he invited me to his apartment nearby, not to stay in the shopHorrifying. He's trying to get you to an unknown location in an area you're already not familiar with (how do you even confirm it's "nearby" until you get there? what's stopping him from lying to you and saying 'just a little bit longer, we're almost there' until he finds a good alleyway? what's preventing him from limiting the number of strange men around you to just himself?)
>he never tried to text me again after the single text he sent the next day. he shook my hand that i offered when i left, he never tried to initiate physical contact.thank god for small mercies
>he was weird in the sense that he didn't realise how strange it was to be offering me work and a place to sleep the night. i think yes he was speedrunning marriage with me in his head a little bit because he kept saying he never met a woman like me in this country (tbf the city he is in has less demure female demographics)He absolutely realized and knew what he was doing. If he's mentally fit enough to get a job, don't make excuses for him. Moids are moids and many foreign ones will use excuses like "cultural differences" to try to shame your survival instincts into silence. The last part ranges from off-putting and creepy to spine-chilling. Maybe he's never met women like you in his country because they can clock something inhumane in him better and he can't use the "foreigner/war refugee" card against them
>but he never tried pushing any boundariesEverything you listed so far has been a boundry negotiation you weren't aware you were in.
1. You agreed to his choice of location (back area of his shop - getting his foot in the door to make you used to the idea that the spaces he's in is safe, so he's a safe person)
2. His choice of food (tea he made himself that he could've chosen to spike. Good job on the orange, but I think you might've gone with the orange bc you didn't want to inconvenience him by not buying store merchandise. Your health and safety are priceless, the max anything could've cost in there is like $30)
3. He's an old stranger who asked for your age and behaved in a way that indicated he "doesnt mind the age gap" in an already precarious situation with an extremely clear power imbalance.
4. Offering you a job, to try to keep you in touch with him and put him in another position of power as your boss. Do you really think he wouldn't've tried to suggest going to his apartment again "for a quick lunch" or anything?
>i think he was just shocked and concerned i was by myself getting midnight coaches places when he offered i take his bed.Nona, I'm really glad you made it out of there safe. He's a fucking psycho
>but he seemed so nonthreatening that i even thought he was gay to begin with. i think he left his country before russia got very warcrimey, he seemed normal/not scarred by the visages of war kek.Anyone can put on an act, especially to get what they want. There's stories of moids out there who look and act like the world's most perfect boyfriends and husbands, then turn on their girlfriends/wives the second they think they have the women trapped with an engagement/marriage/children. It's not any of the women's fault when their moids turned out to be monsters in hiding all along.
>yes there's a risk i go to his and he traffics me / takes advantage of me but i kind of think every man is a risk right? if i want to have an experience with an older bigger man then i'm risking it either way?I'm lesbian so idrk any of the tricks OSA women use. But while there's some risk with any man, that doesn't mean you can't or shouldn't take measures to try to control and minimize the risks you can detect.
>is it so impossible to meet a random man and cuddle and do some hand stuff?Girl, most likely. You think some random man's going to leave things at just "hand stuff"? Think about what this guy wanted from you - any amount of control over your location, food, and finances - all over a few conversations from someone who just needed help. I think you projected your virtues onto him. It's good that you're someone who would've selflessly helped a lost young woman in your position. We don't know anything about him other than the fact he tried to get his dick wet in your moment of vulnerability.
>fuck maybe i should forget it and stick to women, i'm starting to think i'm going to end up playing stupid games and winning stupid prizes involving myself with men.I agree… sorry nona, take care of yourself first and foremost. It's rough out here already without factoring in the social games and malicious moids into the mix.
No. 393042
>>392745You're already anticipating that even if you go there consensually and give the creep what he wants that he may not let you leave afterwards.. come on anon, you know this screams dodgy and you're only fighting common sense here. Meeting in a cafe won't help you if ultimately your plan is to end up alone with him anyway.
In general don't unload vulnerable info (your neet status or life story esp negative stuff) to random older men you've just met. Hold back on that because you'll keep on finding that these guys just happen to be into you in a sexual way. Because it's not deep or charitable or a kind connection. It's just another form of what pick up artists do too. Saying shit to get into your head and make you think one chance convo was so profound that you've just got to ruminate over it afterwards. Stop thinking about him, about that day and stay tf away from 40 year olds like that.
No. 393285
>>393281I don't think it's likely to be unsafe in reality but it's not like some measly babysit money is worth it if you don't feel right about it.
>its rather embarrassing to be afraid of men at this age.It's common sense and healthy survival instinct to question your safety around men with a criminal record.
No. 393318
>>393281it’s a crazy large jump from evading a court date to imagining he’s a kidnapper/murder/rapist. but the other anon is right, don’t do it if your gut says not to. You don’t owe them your service, just back out.
Also, worst case scenario if you agreed to the job and something bad happened to you just imagine the mouth breather comments on your gruesome news story like “wow did she not even google him? he’s a criminal, women have no self preservation instincts” etc. etc. Not that it’s likely but still. It’s on him for not passing your check, you don’t have to take the job.
No. 393377
>>393275Girl, get a grip.
> it almost feels like i ruined my life because this will follow me until the day i dieWhat will? The fact you had a relationship that wasn't fulfilling? That you dumped him? You haven't wasted any time; you likely had fun moments with him, and you probably learnt a lot about dealing with another persons moods/emotions, hopefully learnt how to communicate with someone intimately and all that is invaluable experience you NEED in order to actually create a loving and lasting relationship in the future. What specifically do you feel ashamed about? You've just gone through a very normal, very common experience.
>i'll have to tell people i want to be close with (platonic or romantic) this story because it was a part of my life"I met my first boyfriend online, it took a while till we met in person and when we did I realised I wasn't into him, so we broke up". I'm sorry but this is so mundane.
No. 393413
>>393408There's no way straightened artificially blonde hair looks better than your normal hair, I'm sorry. I don't doubt you can pull it off if you've tried it, but if you put that much work into maintaining your brown curly hair it would definitely look better. Even if you get an expensive blonde dye job it could never compete with the natural highlights untreated hair gets just from going outside, not to mention roots are a constant battle.
I'm not even a fanatic about everything being all natural but hair dye is such a long con and looks worse.
No. 393414
File: 1714005306273.jpg (169.75 KB, 970x647, californiantropics.jpg)
I don't know who to turn to about this. I'm in a turmoil on what's the next move of my life is going to be. I've always wanted to live in California since I was in middle school. There's just something about it that keeps calling out to me, and I'm not sure why that is, but it's been in the back of my mind as I've grown up over the years. No matter where else I've lived in, which jobs I've taken in the locations they are from, nothing seem to have satisfied me. I took some guy's quiz about which American cities is perfect based on values or daily desires (career, education, lifestyle, etc), and a whole bunch of cities from CA popped up. More than any other states, in fact. It was like it was screaming at me to just move to CA and be done with it. But at the same time, I hear so many naysayers against that state because:
- high cost of living
- crimes in certain parts making it especially dangerous for women
- homelessness being an issue in public places
But other than that? It just seems like a nice place for me to, I don't know… settle down? But is it worth it? If anyone here is from CA, how do you really feel about your home? Are the cons worth the pros? How do you deal with the expenses in general?
No. 393418
>>393417Uuuugh
nonny, now I'm definitely itching to just fucking go and throw all caution in the wind! What is it about it that you love, though? I've never been, so I worry I'm seeing it behind rose tinted glasses due to inexperience, but even after seeing gorgeous places in other countries… I just know it wouldn't compete against California's natural beauty.
No. 393426
>>393421Kek yes I definitely want to pass through socal since its basically most of the famous parts of CA anyway so thank you. I think I can live with the fact that its car-centric because its also like that here in PA, so I guess nothing would change in that way.
>>393425At this point, I think I'm done with the cold. If I ever do miss the cold, I can just vacation out to Oregon or a nearby northern state to chill out. You've ever had to live in a cold, damp place like the UK or Ireland? I have and it made me want to off myself.
I've been through earthquakes before so no biggie.
No. 393439
File: 1714013624236.jpeg (2.89 MB, 4032x3024, IMG_3506.jpeg)
>>393414I was born and raised there, and just six months ago moved out to another state (had to move closer to my sister after she was widowed young) but I think about moving back every single day, I miss it so much. I’m biased because I was raised there but not even “cool” states like Colorado compare
I’ll be upfront with you though: cost of living is insane. I clear 80k a year and I still wouldn’t be able to afford a one bedroom apartment by myself, unless I want to live somewhere gross like the inland empire.
Buying a home in a beach accessible city is impossible unless you have a budget of $800,000 or more. In fact, if you don’t make at least 6 figures, you’re either going to have to live inland, have roommates indefinitely, or live in a really rundown, possibly dangerous area.