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How do you gain work ethic and drive? I’ve been out of work most of the year and thought it would at least motivate me to work on pursuing a career in a field I love. But all I do is just be sad and doom scroll. I’m so jealous of motivated people. Everyone around me seems highly motivated and they don’t burnout and if they do they just take a day off and get back to it. I literally can’t do that because one day off always ends up turning into a “fuck this job” rinse and repeat.
Im not even a bad worker either I got praised so much and I advanced a lot in the company at the last place I worked for. But there is something about someone telling me I’m good at something that makes me 2nd guess myself and stop doing whatever I’m being praised for. It’s not fair I feel like I wasted this whole year being a neet.
Has anyone else ever gone crazy and quit their good paying job and if so how did you get out of that slump and how do you prevent yourself from nopeing out of a job the second it becomes depressing? I just want to be an adult and I know I have to work but I’m tired of quitting. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.
Reach out to her OP, life is too short. But depends, was she a good friend who you enjoyed spending time with? I've reached out to friends I fell out with, some went well and some didn't even respond. I have no regrets, jusk yourself whats the worst that can happen.>>347379
One year is nothing nonna. You clearly have the ability and talent if you advanced a lot in your last job. Just say you went travelling if anyone asks about the gap in your CV.
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Can I ask anons what you think if you see someone with old self-harm scars? I used to cut myself for a long time and a lot of them are on my arms. I can't always cover them up and I don't want to get tattoos.
Do people notice scars like these or am I paranoid? I'm anxious every time I have to go out without long sleeves. Everyday I wish I had just cut on my hips and not my arms.
Same as >>347561
I've self-harmed in the past but in a way that didn't leave scars so I also feel a kind of solidarity, but if the person's scars are super fresh or coldnessinmyheart tier I'd be concerned.
one of the AYRT, youre welcome and don't worry about it. people are mostly too concerned with whether others are looking at their pimple or something to even care about your arms. good luck with getting that job!>>347581
your statement is kinda vague, who are these people and what are they actually saying? anyway anon, you may unintentionally come off a little stand offish or uninterested in others. it's the little things. like when people talk, are you engaged or are you looking at your phone/obviously uninterested? do you accidentally come off as condescending when you give advice?
are you a part of any clubs/hang around on campus with friends, or do you go to classes and pack up without talking to anyone? no judgement here, we all know people can make weird assumptions about us for no good reason. i'm just wondering if you unintentionally do things that make people feel that way.
if i can give any advice, maybe joining some clubs would help, or making/joining a study group? i'm not well known in my uni, but if i am known for anything it's probably for sharing my notes or helping out in class groupchats.
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how do i stop pulling my hair out?? i have ocd and compulsively pull at my hair. At this point I have a bald spot at the front of my head. I love to fidget so it's hard to stop. any other nonnies know good ways to deal w/ this?
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nonnas I just realized that I fell in love with a NEET what have I done.
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how do you cut someone off who you know will go crazy and will curse you with candles and shit? they also consider their online friends ghosting them to be their greatest trauma and the source of their "abandonment issues"…
i know she will go insane so im actually considering to be so boring/annoying/whatever that she cuts me off instead? also i use this word super sparingly but i actually suspect she's a narcissist.
any advice about warding of the curses she puts on me are welcome too because im pretty sure she's been cursing me all along.
Its actually really easy. I had this exact experience once, and here's what I did.>ex curses me and i find out>i briefly panic >i realize magic isnt real even if you add a k at the end>nothing happens for 2+ years and counting>problem solved
Not only that but you dont even have any proof that she's cursed you so why worry. I can guarantee you its all in your head. This is a make-believe issue.
It just means you're unattractive or you've changed in style/demeanor coincidentally since metoo so you're less approachable by women and men who would've otherwise have conversations with you. Most women, myself included, still get compliments often and we're just average looking women. Metoo didn't stop anything, unfortunately. And sexual abuse rates are still high. Saying you never get asked out / complimented since metoo is ugly cope or mens right sperging.>>347896
You're fine. Men usually don't know how to compliment women unless they have a lot of female friends. Usually they'll compliment your outfit or hair if they're not retarded. If they're retarded, they'll creepily compliment stranger women to hit on them and get rejected a few times so give up.
NTA but your instinct to call that anon ugly because she said that a feminist movement had a positive impact on men's freedom to grossly comment on women publicly is so strange. She even said it's stupid of them to be scared because we all know they won't face any actual repercussions, but the point is the delusional victim
complex a lot of men have developed about women being out to accuse them does make them stop and think before they speak even though it's not out of respect.>>347950
Just cancel the room and book your own unless she rearranges for two beds. You still have time to establish that boundary. She was probably very nice and accommodating to you because she noticed you were nice and wanted to pull you in.
>>347979> you've changed in style/demeanor coincidentally since metoo
Up is is what I said.>once metoo hit, a lot of men became genuinely afraid of being accused of being creeps/predators. which is fucking stupid but that's when i noticed random compliments didn't happen as much.>but in a "polite" social setting men avoid talking to me and seem afraid of me
Is what she said. I didn't think her comment was about a positive change. Maybe I judged it wrong but I've seen a lot of anons blame metoo for men complimenting or approaching them less which I find to be untrue.
I'm attractive and maybe it's because I'm young but ime men don't actually approach you these days unless they're PUAs or delusional. I think it's worse the younger you are because guys are more and more porn addicted which somehow makes them scared of interacting with women??
My ex approached me but it took him over a month to get the courage to do it…
I really don't know what the deal is either but don't worry, you're not ugly because men don't approach you. Define your sense of self-worth on something else and you'll be happier.
you should probably sort out your issues before a bf. historically relationships haven't really fixed insecurity and mental health issues in women and usually are the cause of them worsening or being created to begin with, they're very entropic and rarely affirming.
as you are once you find someone you might feel like contorting yourself into an anorexic pretzel for his consumption. also, let's take the "men only value looks" thing at face value–if that's true then either try to find a unicorn or opt out of dating. over on 4chan they constantly go on about women expiring at 25 so if not weight there's that to contend with, kek.
Work on your body issues first and foremost, whether it's through therapy and/or diet and exercise. >men simply will like you better if you're 120 lbs regardless if you're ugly or not
You know men have a variety of different preferences and that it truly doesn't matter to satiate them and gain validation from what some dick wants, right? Since you browsed 4chan and other various websites on the web, I'm sure you're aware of the massive amount of chubby chasers/fat fetishists/feeders etc. too. Ultimately, you need to work on your mental health and get that idea of men liking you a certain way out of your head. Fuck what they "like."
This won't be popular here, but as a fat woman I've never had trouble getting men.
I HAVE had to be more discretionary because my weight attracts unworthy men to me who think I will pick them because they, like you, have been memed into thinking fat women have limited options and are desperate.
But don't think shitty men aren't shooting their shots with women way out of their league too, it's just a reality all women have to face with the difference being us fatties have to fight against a social narrative that repeatedly tries to sell that we are shit and to settle for the worst of em.
So I've been told: I have a solid career, a great personality, friends, hobbies, homeowner, and I am mentally sane and responsible. You cannot fathom how desirable these traits become for men as you get older. Ironically, all the stuff we worked on when we thought our looks couldn't get us by are what draws men to us as we get older and the playing fields of looks start to draw even. I'm in my 30s, and while I still get the occasional loser it's amazing how many decent men have offered me a free place to stay, marriage, and kids.
It isn't over. You have to be confident and not let men take advantage of you.
yea nonna losing weight is very obviously my solution. i’m not mentally built to be fat and i almost envy other fat women who have the confidence as any other person. i’m what they call a “fatphobic fattie”.>>348969>over on 4chan they constantly go on about women expiring at 25
4chan is a specific type of brain cancer and i know the stuff said there doesn’t actually apply in real life, but sometimes i cant help thinking that men are all truly like that at their core (having idealized, sexist dogmatic views on women) >>348989
i have and will keep losing weight. and yea im grateful that this problem is actually fixable and im more insecure with my weight than my looks, so there’s that >>349015
chubby chasers and feeders are abhorrent and my worst nightmare and yea ive seen alot of shitposts about ridiculously obese anime women. i can’t describe why but that fetish is probably one of the most sinister fetishes ive ever came across online (and ive seen alot). >Fuck what they "like."
being starved for male attention most my life has made me put them on a pedestal of sorts and i realize that now. i always think about that one meme where it jokes how men would literally rape an animal so seeking validation and attention from their species is ultimately very easy and not worth much>>349023>fatties have to fight against a social narrative that repeatedly tries to sell that we are shit
this is the exact reason why i hate being fat and a driving force that makes me want to be a normal sixe, but its honestly relieving to hear that you’re able to receive attention from non-weirdo men and bottom teir losers. you must be a really pretty, beautiful soul if men are straight up asking you for marriage and kids
i’ve seen alot of fat/skinny couples who look happy, but i’d feel almost like a failure if i’m still fat by the time i get in my first relationship idk i really do have to go to therapy or something like other nonnas said. it’s definitely more of a me problem
If you're older than 25 I would suggest to try talk therapy again first. Your brain as a high schooler wasn't very capable of rationality then. Otherwise, go to a psychiatrist. The only thing that's going to suck about being on meds is that you'll be numb feeling, but have the motivation to do things. I personally didn't like being zombified and enjoying myself, but if you think of it as a temporary start to get in the right mindset, definitely go for it.
There's some self help books for all those types of therapy, along with YouTube videos of therapists who make videos about certain topics, it's helpful if you cannot go to a therapist ASAP. Self talk is also helpful. Please do talk to yourself out loud, it's one of the most therapeutic ways to find yourself.
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Hey nonnies. I'm not sure what's wrong with me. But if anyone relates, can I have some help?
>weird and lonely most of life
>come from home with sadistic, gaslighting father, very autistic sibling who drives mother over the edge, who becomes depressed and hurtful, suicide attempting sister who moves out early, feel like i have no one
>gaslighted by family often
>school is miserable, violent towards me
>go days without talking to a human being unless im being harassed, severely isolated
>lose my sense of self, become addicted to daydreaming, start to feel detached from reality
ffw to now
>do funny drug and realise that i am a person, what the hell, i'm real, im alive, i am worthy of love because i love others, this is real
>come back to reality
>realise i struggle to accept that i am loved at all, even as i start to connect with people around me and am getting married soon, i never feel securely loved
>convince myself i am a terrible person, when actually, i am affectionate and loving, with a strong conscience
>attention seeking tendencies that i rarely act on
>think people hate me all the time
>withdraw from connections because i think im annoying
>feel pervasive guilt and worthlessness
>in between jobs, no irl friends my age, probably contributes to mental health (people my age are starting uni and stuff)
>feel this weariness for existence that i am way too young to be feeling
>full of rage, sometimes want to break things again, hurt the people who traumatised and humiliated me, terrified i may become abusive like my father
>often detached from reality and pretending to be normal to avoid stressing people out
Am I ruined forever? Do I still have life ahead of me? Can I get better from this? I want to feel real again. I want to remember I'm a person, after all the pain and humiliation, I want to identify with this body again. I want to feel energy, I want to know I am loved and accept it.
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Thoughts on this for a goth-ish engagement photoshoot? Also, what would you expect that the groom-to-be would wear? If I wear stripes, I wouldn't want him wearing any stripes, it's not his vibe anywhere. A touch of burgundy?
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I hope you're marrying him
In all seriousness though I think you could have a small touch of burgundy or flowers somewhere. Maybe like, a brooch?>>349585
Should make it real blood actually
I need advice on whether or not to pursue doctoral grad school. My original plan was to go into a PhD program for psychology (which I am competitive for), I’ve done a lot of research and spoken to a lot of people who are currently in programs for clinical psych, and I realize that it might not be what I want. My biggest reason for being turned off on getting a doctorate is the fact that I will be living in basic poverty for about five years. Rent is extremely expensive wherever you go (even in smaller towns), and the salary that grad students make are basically poverty levels. So pursuing a doctorate degree for five or six years is basically subjecting myself to low wage the entire time, when, instead, I could probably just work towards the current career path that I have, and make money and live comfortably. However, my dream job is to be a therapist. The other alternative to becoming a licensed therapist could be a 2 to 3 year masters program, the only problem with that is that these programs are not funded and cost like 20 to 30 K and I would have to probably take out loans. Which I don’t want to do.
Another problem that’s turning me off on grad school is my age (24) and my future prospects of where I want to be; I want to get married, and have children before the age of 35. Obviously, that isn’t a strict timeline but I would like to find someone and get married and start a family around the next 10ish years of my life. I feel like a doctorate degree will make it hard for me to even find a boyfriend or a husband, let alone get pregnant and start a family.
I’m basically juggling my desire to find a husband and start a family and live a comfortable life with my desire to become a therapist. I know women have, and are doing both at the same time, but but I’m very torn and confused over what I actually want to do with my life. I do want a career in therapy, a solid and decent salary income, but I also want to be able to have the freedom to find a husband and start a family.
At the moment, I’m leaning towards pursuing a masters. But honestly, I’ve been flip-flopping between both ideas for the past two years. A masters cost money, but you graduate quicker and earn your license quicker and will be able to enter the workforce at a decent salary quicker. A PhD takes time, and additionally, you’re subjected to a low income style of living for the entirety of the program (unless you live in a double income household or have somebody supporting you). At the moment, I don’t have a significant other, I have a wonderful parents who would support me, but not to the extent that they would be able to help me pay rent, and living cost during the entirety of the potential PhD program. Also, I absolutely do not want to subject them into thinking they have to help me pay rent and live well into my 20s because they also have their own lives to pay for and retirement and all of that. I currently have a job and earn a modest salary, not a lot, but just enough to get by and save a little each month.
But yeah, sorry for the word salad. TLDR: I want to become a therapist, but I am juggling between the PhD route or the masters route, and also considering where I want my personal life to go in the next 5 to 10 years, and how grad school will affect that. I really would like any advice or insight that can help me gain clarity. And lastly, what I really envision, for my future is to be happily married with both me and my husband, making an income and pursuing careers we are both passionate in, and eventually raising a family.
I'm around the same age and same situation as you. I have a decent job right now with just a bachelor's but I'm also interested in going further in pursuing a PhD. I can either stay at this job with my current career progression, and eventually make 6 figures, but I also think a PhD opens up so many career opportunities that would be a dream job for me.
I don't know what the field is like for psychology but is "mastering ou" an option for PhD students? Like you apply to the PhD program first but change your mind midway so you just graduate with a Master's instead. This is often an option for research based grad programs and in this way you won't be in so much debt. If an advanced degree will help you lead to your dream career path then I would say definitely go for grad school! Grad school takes a tremendous amount of time, dedication, and sacrifice though so your life is basically put on hold. There's a reason why people I've met with PhDs only start having children when they're in their 40s. I also agree with the other anon who replied to you. A lot of people end up meeting their future partners and lifelong friends in grad school and at least this way they share the same values and work ethic as you. Would you rather play the dating app game trying to find a moid that's right for you or spontaneously find a life partner who will have the same values and goals as you? It seems like you're already sure of the kind of life you want so you just have to put yourself out there and achieve it. Good luck anon.
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Nonas, I need emotional advice about my sister. This is a really small issue, but it bothers me so much in the moment and I can't figure out why. When we hang out, in the evenings (every few months, we live several hours away from eachother), she will very abruptly stop the hang and announce she's heading to bed. To me, it feels rude and out of nowhere. I guess with other people I've hung out with there's more of a gradual wind-down before people leave or go to bed. But we'll be having a great time, laughing, watching silly TV, talking, and all of the sudden… she's like "I've got to go to bed, bye". I guess I can understand that obviously people get tired, but it's so abrupt. I end up feeling surprised and my feelings are hurt. I think I feel rejected and abandoned in the moment. It's like she shuts down the fun from 10 to 0 in one second. I know it's so silly but it really bothers me. Advice? Have you felt like this before (on either side)?
lmao I do that to my sister, she's never cared afaik but now I'm like damn am I hurting her feelings… ?But basically I don't feel the need to be tactful or polite with someone I'm that close to and comfortable with, and I'm usually tired long before I actually say I'm going to bed so by that point I'm dead on my feet. It's like, she's family and we grew up together so it feels normal to just go to bed whenever and not have to make my excuses or whatever like I would if I was ditching friends.
But you know her best, I'm a notoriously low energy introvert who goes to bed at 8 most nights and if she's not then maybe you're getting bad vibes for a reason. You could always just ask next time it happens.
I know you were joking (?) but I wouldn’t go hang out with other guys like that if I were serious about someone. He might hear about it and it might ruin his image of you… Someone might tell him you’re easy and have a habit of kissing strangers.
I’m insecure too, and might not tell that I don’t have experience. But I don’t think people need to have experience in these kind of things. It’s up to how comfortable you’re with him knowibg intimate things about you. He might think it’s cute, and you could learn together, haha
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How can I be okay with my own "type" of success?
It seems that, now more than ever, being ultra successful™ is all that matters. Having millions in assets or being famous one way or another, I feel so out of the loop. Like if I keep a standard job or I'm an artist, or a business owner I either gotta be grinding™ and hustling™ up in this to create an EmPIrE or some bullshit like that. It feels so strange and exhausting if I'm honest but it does affect me in a weird way.
For example my best friend still lives with her parents (no shame in that) but instead of saving or investing she is using all the money she gets from her job to go out, drink, maybe travel and have a good time (also no shame in that). But she does all of that for instagram and fomo, it makes me wonder "Is this normal? am I the abnormal one? Am I living my life wrong?". I don't believe in the retarded ape pyramidal hierarchy of "I gotta be #1 no matter what!1!" bullshit, but I see how it is affecting everything around me and to be honest is starting to make me feel very inadequate. Like I'm wasting my life, like I am supposed to aim for something "better", like I should have had my life fixed and ready for retirement at 35, is fucking insane. So how can I ignore all of that and stay on my lane? am I the retarded one? I don't think is wrong to want a chill life with a normie job and no travelling I hate travelling and experiences™ or insane "memories" or whatever. How can I manage this feeling of inadequacy towards unrealistic and impossible standards of success even tho they're hammered on the mainstream population on the daily?
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You're not retarded, your life isn't wrong. All human beings have free will and we all choose what we want out of life. My advice is to centre yourself around your core values. Look at this list, choose the ones that are most important to you, and then come up with activities/choices/ways of thinking that reflect the chosen value. Then try to do some of those things. In this way you'll stay focused on what you love and what you actually want, and you'll have no need to compare yourself to others.
And about that comparison: are you under direct pressure to make choices you disagree with? If so, maybe reevaluate those relationships and perhaps quit social media. If the pressure is more indirect, like cultural osmosis, then it might help to learn about people past and present whose lifestyles are similar to what you have/would like to have. Plenty of people are homebodies, artists, introverts, just going slow. You will probably have to dig around for those people but they exist. You're not alone.
You already know what you believe in, you didn't fall into any inescapable traps, your life has the potential to unfold any way you want. Nobody can take it away from you either: your free will. They can grind and hustle and travel and fomo all they want— it has nothing to do with you. Those are their choices. It's frustrating to watch so many people doing the most and gaining the least, but this is the era we're living in right now. You cant control anybody else's mindset or opinions (including their opinions about your lifestyle) so just focus on you. Make choices that YOU are proud of.
Recap:>focus on your own values>seek like minded people as friends and role models>serenity prayer
Nonnas, I'm in a situation where my ex is still on the lease and I'm in a potentially dangerous position. Would my landlord be able to rekey the apartment since he's not living there anymore, but didn't have the money to get himself off the lease? He still has the apartment keys and kept them because he wanted to be petty due to me not letting him take something he gave to me because he changed his mind.
My best friend said she's worried I don't have a sense of self protection and I should deny him entry to the apartment even when I'm not at home, because he could be hiding in there or steal more of my stuff. He's been threatening suicide so she also sees the scenario of him being too chicken to kill himself and making me do it as a form of self protection because I own a gun.
He still hasn't picked up his pet, which should be in about a week. I just want him to take his pet and then I could rekey the locks. I just don't want him to try to pick up his dog when I'm not home and he finds out he can't enter and potentially destroys property to get to the dog and then gets upset with me even more.
I feel it's a complicated situation, if anything I'd rather bring the dog to him, but that still puts me at risk of him doing something right then and there, especially if I ask for the key. He can keep the mailbox key for all I care, he rarely ever checked it in the first place, but the priority is my life.
Once the dog is gone, he literally has no reason to be there.
Because of my best friends criticism, I was thinking of the fact that he knows where I work and even when I'm not at home, he could easily try to create a scene if he couldn't get access to his dog because the apartment is rekeyed.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. Here's what you can do. Contact your landlord immediately. Explain the situation to them and ask about rekeying the locks for your safety. Your safety is of the utmost importance right now. Do not put his dog before yourself. That's crazy, nonnie
. He basically abandoned the poor thing. Document everything and keep records of any threatening messages or incidents involving your ex. This info could be helpful in the future if he escalates the situation in any way. Keep your friends and family (if you're close) in the loop and develop a safety plan with them, including what steps you'll take if he enters the apartment without your permission or if you feel threatened. If you think your safety is at risk, call the police. I know it can feel like they won't do anything and it's useless, but trust me you will want a paper trail if anything escalates in the future. And if he continues to pose a threat to your safety, it'll be that much easier to get a restraining order. I know this is incredibly difficult, but you aren't alone and there are people who care about your well-being. Your safety is the most important thing right now. Please prioritize it.
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sorry to ask such a stupid question amidst all of the loaded ones, but i hope its still ok i do so. i have been at my current fast food coffee job for 2 years now and i wont have my degree for another 1.5 years. im considering applying to be a library assistant because i feel itd look great on my resume (im between an academic career or becoming a librarian as i am an english major—hard to believe with my post heh im in a rush!)
my current fast food job is quite stressful and im very burnt out. i dont plan to move or get a career for another 1.5-2 years at least meaning id stay at this very job. im scared to leave incase the company positively changes, and the pay is decent compared to other jobs where i live. ($16-17 an hour depending on tips) but on the other hand i feel i really need some change and might adore the library environment. if im less stressed, im sure i could supplement the little income loss with more time to my side jobs since id have less stress.
pros of the library job/quitting current job would be:
- closer to home
- change, new environment
- less stress than fast food, doubt id have down time but if i did i can do homework
- good for resume and experience!
- no free coffee or opportunity for benefits (dont use any of them now at my current one)
- less flexible with time off (but i wonder if i let them know in advance if itd be ok?)
- id make $1-2 less than my current job
- job might be awful
thank you nonnies…
I went from retail to becoming a library assistant and it was the best decision I ever made. I started off part time and took a huge cut in hours/pay but the lack of stress was so worth it. I’m now full time and was able to move out with my pay, I have paid leave, paid sick time and healthcare benefits. Even at my busiest at work, there’s time to work on homework and personal projects. And even at its absolute worst, my library job is so comfortable and pleasant compared to what I considered mildly stressful days in retail and fast food.
Fast food companies will never get better nonna, you’re giving into the sunk cost fallacy. Plus you’re considering being a librarian. This will give you a taste of what it’s like and help you decide your eventual career path. Being a librarian has also been emotionally rewarding to me in a way fast food and retail could never ever be. I have a feeling doing Reader’s advisory, actually helping people with something meaningful, and just being around books all day would be great and a meaningful experience for you. Plus this diversifies your resume. I’ve had no problem getting time off when I let them know in advance.
I’ve met so many great people at this job and it’s the most fun I’ve ever had. I feel like I’ve found a career for life . Do not let free coffee and staying comfortable be a guide in this decision lol. Good luck!
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I can never choose when it comes to colored items. Which bottle should I get nones?
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I didn't notice there was a fifth variant
So it looks like the green one wins overall huh
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Just found out I am pregnant. We had planned this but I didn't expect to get pregnant after the very first attempt. I feel unprepared even though that's not the case. I don't know how to feel about it. I am both happy and sad about how my life will change. Those who have gone through pregnancy please give me any tips or things you wish you knew.
i thought the university covered your health insurance? flying back home isn't an issue tho, and i'm generally healthy. also i don't plan on moving long-term to the us.>>351869
housing is very expensive and low quality due to lack of regulation. also the environment was not very pleasant, but then i lived in a college town.
sorry for double-posting.
I don't want to do anything because it sounds too mentally draining. Video games, exercise, reading a book, learning a language, watching a movie or show. I enjoy all of those things when I've done them, even though I think I could be doing something else more important, but stop after an hour if I ever star and never pick them back up. I'm on antidepressants and an ADHD medication. They lift my mood but I still don't want to do anything, even simple stuff, like I love pro wrestling and think I want to watch an episode but actually watching it and keeping up with it is exhausting and slightly boring. I suppose the main avoidance is feeling. Feeling is what exhausts me.
I mostly just listen to foreign music like an addict because it's quick, the noise drowns out my thoughts and the voices feel really, really soothing. If I know what they're saying, I get exhausted.. I usually listen while I browse Twitter and forums but can't keep even online friends because I find the commitment to talk and be interesting to someone who might lose interest too mentally draining also. I just want to hop from one thing to the other without going deeper even though my interests never really change and I like the idea of getting lost in a hobby. I wish I could press a pause button on life even though I don't have a life. I want a break but from what? Is this depression? Flakiness? Autism? Post traumatic stress? It's like I'm waiting to complete something from the distant past that I no longer can and I don't even mean that metaphorically. It's like I've got this hunger for something from the distant past to be repaired before I can continue, like I'm frozen in time and too deathly scared to move on until it's repaired. I thought of trying to complete video games and series I never got to finish as a child but I feel stuck to do anything, no matter what the idea is. I figured the ADHD medication would sort this but no. I really have no other ideas how to break out of spending hours a day listening to music and scrolling to disassociate and feeling actual fear about doing anything different. The two therapists I've had got frustrated I didn't do whatever they suggested because I go into that trance of staring at a screen and forget. Is it a good idea to get rid of my computer?
Are you literally me anon? I'm sorry, I don't have any real advice but I relate to every single point
Maybe it's good to start small and kind of regress? Anything's better than a scrooling addiction. I've kinda been thinking about trying to rediscover the things I liked before becoming a depressed husk that used internet to cope (aka when I was a young child)
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This might be a fun piece of advice to discuss: what should I pack in my airport survival kit?
The basic rundown is that I'm going to be making semi-regular trips from Ireland to Oklahoma. This means I will need to take an 8 hour flight from Dublin to Chicago, potentially spend between 5 to 14 hours in that airport, take a flight to Oklahoma, and then of course make this trip a second time coming home to Dublin. Tdlr I essentially need to fit 24 hours worth of needs into a backpack separate from my suitcase.
Side information: I'm not particularly big or strong and I struggle with heavy luggage. If you have suggestions for small/light items that can make a big difference I'd be so grateful
Besides what the other anon suggested, it might be nice to take one of those inflatable pillows and maybe a light blanket if it fits in your backpack. Even if you aren't going to straight up sleep, if you're spending 24 hours in total you might want to make yourself comfortable and wrap yourself up/rest your head at some point.
Also ymmv but bringing a small sketchpad and some stationery along can be a great way to entertain yourself when you want to take a break from reading or digital entertainment. You could also take a couple of tea bags or instant coffee satchels with you, plenty of airports have places where you can get hot water for free so you won't have to spend money on overpriced drinks and it'll take up very little backpack space.
nonas, i need to get my ex back. he left me when i got depressed and went to a psych ward. he says i'm not fit to be a mother and that we're not compatible. he messaged me 3 months after the break up, asking for feet pics. (he's submissive) i scolded him (he probably secretly enjoyed it), but then we chatted with each other for hours and he obviously misses the sex. so i teased him and insinuated i would do fwb. we talked about rules and such and we wanted to meet up tomorrow. but today he told me he's not sure, because he's afraid he might develop feelings again. for me, that's a good sign that i still have a chance to be with him again, as moids fall in love through waiting for sex. you may ask why i want him back. well, he can offer me a stable lifestyle. he's clean and tidy, has a job and can cook. he's also very social, which i'm not. i need such a person in my life. and tbh i enjoyed that he is submissive, because i hate abusive dominant men. thing is, i'm not sure to make him believe i have changed. we're visiting the zoo tomorrow. (he has to take me on dates, one of the rules) tbh i haven't changed much, but i'm taking antidepressants and started going to uni again. please help
anon I' sorry you're going thru all that but he has so many red flags I can't in good conscious give you any tips about that>random neg about motherliness>asks for fetish pictures shortly after a break up>asks for fetish pictures when he KNOWS you were in such a bad state as to go to a psych ward>provokes you into sexually titillating him>wants to use you for sex>you want a relationship with him and so one of the conditions of this fwb you want is DATES>blatant bait with the "uwu im scawed i might catch feewings for you". classic rutting moid tactic>you dont even like him that much, you like the qualities you want to have. trait-osmosis isn't a thing, you'll just be wasting your time and getting heartbroken
also submissive men can be abusive
too, it doesn't matter what he likes in bed when he's pulling the same sex pest tactics that ~dominant~ ones do
. This guy is only thinking of himself when you need your space to get yourself right. He's manipulating you and has no long term plans for the two of you. Move on to a better guy.
>>352860>He was very sweet about it
I can totally imagine him being so sweet telling you're basically a filthy whore for his puritanical standards. >how do I move forward
communicate your body count immediately when you start dating and remove yourself if there are any red flags. if they say anything like your ex said, calmly remove yourself out of the relationship because this moid will never forget about it and is probably obsessed with the idea. also most likely he consumes redpilled content and that's where he got the idea of body count being a terrible thing to begin with. normal men don't expect you to save yourself for the perfect person, because that's retarded and delusional.
Under normal circumstances this wouldn't have even been a question but it's different now. I've dated my fair share of men and the more experience you have, the better you get to know them. They'll lie about not watching porn, they'll ogle other women, they'll have secret Instagrams, tik toks and twitter accounts to simp for e-whores, they skimp on all the chores and they'll gaslight you into thinking its you whose the problem and they deserve all the hatred and the pain they get. I know this and I hate it. I resent myself for being a heterosexual and if I had the choice, I'd die a asexual spinster. But this little shit actually is different. We started off as acquaintances and I was a little suspicious of his 'pick-me' tendencies because it felt like he was consciously modelling himself to be the perfect friend but even after all that work I put in, observing him, asking around, I couldn't find anything negative or incendiary about him. He didn't consume anything from the manosphere, no PUA content, none of those misogynistic rant channels, nothing. He and I were friends with the same people and among them he had a reputation for being a reserved but reliable and compassionate individual. Hell there were even times where he helped me out, without even hoping for a recompensation.
That's the reason for why I am so frustrated. If he consumed anything problematic
I would've had a legitimate reason to detest him but I don't. I just don't know what to feel except be sad. I know nonas will hate me for this and they're absolutely right to do so but I genuinely don't think he's as bad as the rest.
>>352860>I resent myself for being a heterosexual and if I had the choice, I'd die a asexual spinster.
Same anon. It's terribly slim pickings for straight women who don't tolerate porn watching partners and then they've still got to be decent and you've still got to match in so many other ways.
I can understand not hating your ex for having that opinion since he at least has hold himself to the same standard.
Did you ever have sex with him? If you did he’s being a hypocrite and you dodged a bullet. If you didn’t then I guess that’s just really important to him, which is unusual (its also gross to want a virgin, sorry, I can’t get past that)
and he should have told you sooner if he cared. Either way sounds like an incompatible situation, even if you think he’s a nice guy you shouldn’t be with someone who changes their whole opinion of you and the relationship based on how many people you had sex with in the past that’s kinda fucked.> it made him feel that we had different expectations for what constituted as intimacy
But is that even true? I feel like this guy got in your head and decided what you thought. Just because he is/was a virgin doesn’t make him more pure and loving than you. Don’t listen to what he has to say about sex, he doesn’t understand. You have more experience than him in this area and it’s your life not for him to judge.maybe you can just say “ok if that’s what you really think” and then keep tabs on him until he goes through a hoe phase himself then scoop him back up lol
Samefag: I’m just kidding with the spoiler at the end don’t do that it’s unhealthy.
I had a boyfriend like this and I thought his way of thinking was fucked but he knew I had sex with multiple people before him unlike his first virgin girlfriend. We didn’t break up over it, I just told him that he was being stupid and let him say all his retarded beliefs and went “hmm” and he got over it surprise surprise. Then later I reminded him of the worst things he said and he denied it and looked alarmed I remembered which I thought was funny. I know that doesn’t sound healthy either but whatever, he never got in my head about it and I never felt ashamed so it didn’t bother me. People are idiots.
Exactly. If they're virgins its not by choice and they'll probably resent you for enjoying yourself even when you commit yourself a 100% to them. They have all these theories about approaching women but not one of them has sought to correct his manners and ideology so it hurts a lot when you finally do get to meet someone you can respect and consider an equal only for them to do something like this.>>352868>>352869>Did you ever have sex with him?
No we didn't have sex. We spent most of our time talking, enjoying each other's company but we did kiss and hug a little and he was fine with that.
>(its also gross to want a virgin, sorry, I can’t get past that)
I don't want a virgin haha, I actually didn't know he was one by the way he carried himself and how he looked. I was under the impression that he had a range of experiences under his belt but I guess I was wrong
>he should have told you sooner if he cared
In hindsight that's the proper way to approach something like this. At least then I wouldn't have wasted time committing to a relationship
>you shouldn’t be with someone who changes their whole opinion of you and the relationship based on how many people you had sex with in the past that’s kinda fucked
Is it though? I am not trying to be argumentative. 99.9% of males don't deserve to receive that sort of compassion but if someone with his qualities has committed himself to an ideal like this I don't know if I can consider that an entirely bad thing. Of course its terrible for us because well, he doesn't think what I have to offer is valuable but in general I can't really make an informative comment.
>I feel like this guy got in your head and decided what you thought. Just because he is/was a virgin doesn’t make him more pure and loving than you
You've hit the nail on the head. This is the thing thats fucking me up the most. If he called me a whore or a slut or someone who liked putting out, I would've been fine with that because those sorts of labels show just how he sees women and relationships in general. However by framing this as me bringing a sort of enfeebled affection to the relationship, he's able to get into my head. Basically it reads to me as someone saying that they were loyal to their ideals whereas I 'settled'. I HATE feeling like this and I hate that this stupid comment has power over me but because I respect his intelligence ruminating about this only makes me feel worse. If we met at a bar (I don't go to bars or clubs) or if he was some rando I decided to have sex with (which I also don't condone) I would've understood because he's a dumb scrote being used as a toy but we built up a rapport before committing so there's a part of me that isn't willing to acknowledge that he could be wrong.
>I’m just kidding with the spoiler at the end don’t do that it’s unhealthy
Yeah I knew, good one nona!
>Then later I reminded him of the worst things he said and he denied it and looked alarmed I remembered which I thought was funny
Of course he thought you forgot. That's what they all think, that they've pulled the wool over our eyes, as if anybody could ever forget a comment like this. Amazing really, how they're all the same.
>People are idiots
I know and I feel like the biggest one.
>>352876>I don't want a virgin haha
I didn't mean you, I meant him! It's gross of him to want a virgin. Like, best case scenario he's just insecure about his experience? but he sounds like he actually believes stupid bullshit about virginity.>Is it though?
Haha my bad, feeling a little ditzy today. Honestly nona I think I understand. Sex changes the relationship, makes it a little more intimate because you've established a physical bond. You've seen each other naked, you've seen them at their most vulnerable, their flaws are laid bare in front of you. To hold someone, to feel their touch and kiss them and to be kissed, desired and loved. I understand where he's coming from.
Why do you think it's weird for a virgin to want a virgin though? I think it's normal.
Um, i think the guy is kinda right? virgins and sexually active people have different experience levels, like >>352900
said it could be hella embarrassing i know i would feel the same, as a virgin myself, i would feel strange with a person with far more experience than me. Plus, as far as i'm concerned he wasn't even rude about it, he simply said it wouldn't work
Oh my god. Okay. You’re reaching way too hard for a reason. He broke up with you for not being a virgin, whatever the possible underlying reason it’s over now. Wish you didn’t let it get to you this much, clearly you liked him. Sorry he wasted your time, hope the dates are a nice memory.> advice on how to intelligently react to this sort of information and how do I move forward?
Take his words at face value as what HE feels and don’t take it as a personal criticism on you. This is a him issue. He ended the relationship before it got sexual because of his own opinions/beliefs/whatever. Close the chapter in your life on this, this is how it ended, it only takes one person to break up. As for moving on there’s specific advice in the Breakups thread >>>/g/121656
IMO his reason was perfectly valid
. He didn't feel comfortable, that's it. He didn't call you a street walker, he didn't say it was gross, he just didn't feel comfortable. I'm a woman and I would also dump a guy with a high body count because I don't think I'd ever be able to be okay with it. I want to be with someone who I can relate to and feel equal to. I don't think that's a bad or unreasonable thing.
why would i dump him? i want this man in my life. if he develops feelings again, i would obviously date him. and no, he's not playing me. i'm literally in control, because he wants something from me only i can give him? i mean, this is power play. i was the weak one, but he gave me an opportunity to change that and i took it. i already lost him, so i don't have anything to lose. clearly, i'm a bpdchan, but i'm not stupid. as i said, i'll update and maybe i'll be heartbroken again, but well that has happened many times before, so idc anymore. the benefits outweigh the cost atm
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hi nonnies I'm at a loss. so, I've not felt great in many ways for years, but I've been off lately. Bad headache, delirium, extreme fatigue, on/off high fevers (102), and a feeling that…resembles sickliness but also feels distant that's very localized to my head? my doctor actually surprise diagnosed me with a sinus infection during my last visit which was a surprise because it feels nothing like the ones I had years ago (nose on fire, stuffy, runny; now it feels like nothing), but didn't do anything about it. I've now felt like this for over a month now and I'm not sure what to do because obviously my doctor is no help. also I do have allergies but I don't know why they'd suddenly get much worse.
It's terror, Nona, the fear of not knowing, of wanting to protect her but feeling powerless. Assuming she's passed on, you and all of her friends will grieve her. You'll need to rely on each other and on your family and community for support. No matter the outcome of her attempt, try learning about suicide and why people do it. There are many documentaries and YouTube videos about this. And if she's alive, God willing, you will have the opportunity to ask her yourself.
This is a traumatic event you're experiencing, and the road going forward is a difficult but survivable one. In time you will be fine. Keep your head up, and always, always remember how much you love her.
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My best friend is poorfag and trying to move out from her crazy mom's house. I've been willing to throw a few hundred $ at her every now and then and it's not a big deal for me since I'm pretty fortunate, but tbh I don't really feel comfortable with this anymore.
She's had this sort of entitled attitude, like telling (not asking) me to give x amount each month and being kinda impatient if I forget, and not really being appreciative? Like she just mutters thanks and moves on. I'm not trying to hold debts against her or expecting grand displays of gratitude or anything but it does feel a bit crappy that she acts like it's just expected and mundane.
Also we have tiny little "disputes" over nothingburgers sometimes, maybe it's my fault or maybe it's hers, it's not a big deal but it doesn't feel good forking over money under this kind of vibe. This part's hard to describe in brief.
I dunno, should I tell her that I want to stop? I feel bad because that money is huge to her and barely anything to me. But it's less about the money and more about feeling like she's treating me like an ATM. What should I say?
I've known her since I was a kid so we're pretty good friends. But she's sort of weird in that… usually when we hang out in person she is so warm and loving and considerate, yet most of the time when I talk to her in a call or in texts she's suddenly like a jaded bitter person. I don't really get it. I feel like she just gets into these zones where she's insensitive, maybe I will try to talk to her about it.
She's made rude wealth-related comments about me before but I've always brushed it off because she's not the only person who has and they were one-off things. I try to be understanding about that kind of remark because I know money is a sensitive topic for many people.
this is not the first time i catch them giggling like high schoolers after i either speak in class or present. i try to chalk it up to it being a coincidence until today when i got confirmation from a friend that they are behaving that way.
after our presentation, she caught them both giggling and nudging each other like "go ahead, ask questions" so she spoke up and said "any questions, [name]" to which they both shut up
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This might sound fucking stupid but do any nonnas have experience working with zoomers?
My industry went pretty sideways over the pandemic, I freelanced for a few years, but decided to go back to school and change careers now that I have downtime. The program I'm in is great for me, but the younger students in it are nightmares. I went in pretty naive thinking making friends would be beneficial since a lot of us are older, but the same group of kids has actively gone out of their way to trash each other, myself, my acquaintances, and everyone else around them, including professors. The issue finally made it all the way up administration since they went after a professor.
Normally I'd take "lmao ignore it" as the go-to, but from an administrative standpoint there's a lot of weird threats that not being "likable" is going to ruin job prospects. From experience, I know that's a load of shit unless it's losing people money. Seems there's a huge push for performative niceness and social media clout instead of actually doing the work. Tons of classes got dumbed down no thanks to complaints. Should I even try to socialize? I'm sick of the utterly petty drama, but I'm worried that keeping to myself is just going to lead to the same fucks reporting me for some made-up nonsense.
It's a fucking tech field.>>347379
I know this is late, but this is kinda what I'm trying to fix now. Only problem with going back to school and certain jobs is they know if you're more experienced, you might be a flight risk. You don't "need" them. The last office job I had was one I quit due to horrendous management and bad environment, and I beat myself up for it for years, even though they were hemorrhaging money with or without me. Best advice I have is to keep yourself busy however you can.
Based nonnas, if you could help me out with this very convoluted situation, I’d appreciate it. I’m nervous about telling people IRL and don’t think Preddit is going to be of much help. Saged because this is so long — I’m sorry, I’ve just been freaking out.
> Choose Dr. Anon for a high-level English course due to outstanding RateMyProfessor reviews and word-of-mouth compliments
> Starts out great — he’s funny, knowledgeable, and the class material is interesting
> Midterms come
> It is no longer great
> It starts with him asking me to stay after class; the first time, it was to say I did great on his exam which I appreciated, but he starts packing on compliments to the point of it being strange
> He continues asking me to stay after class only to talk about his personal life and ask about mine. He’s mentioned his divorce, the size of his house, his hobbies, and concerts he’s going to (one of which was one of my favorite artists, though I don't think he knew/knows, but he offered a free ticket to me)
> I get a C on a paper that I thought I did super well on, so he had me stay after class and said if I wanted help, we could meet up for coffee. When I say I’m too busy during the day, he says he’s available after hours and gives me what is presumably his personal phone number
> In class, he makes jokes that are really embarrassing to me and only me. I mention I'm on a pre-law track and to that, he jokes in front of our class that "women [in law school] have it easy, just wear something short". I exclusively wear dresses and skirts below my knees, so I feel that it’s a targeted comment. Additionally, I'm in a sorority, and he proceeds to ask if I "party with boys" or if I'm "good" while I’m wearing my sorority letters. Both times, the class goes awkwardly silent after a few chuckles and everyone looks at me
> For academics, he gives me A's even on papers that I know aren’t my best work (even though I try my hardest); I’ve gotten all A’s save for that one C, when I definitely deserved some B’s or C’s because of how rigorous the course it
> When I've been walking to class or skating on campus, he'll stop me to talk to me, which has happened about six times
> Once, I’m at a coffee shop with my friend (let’s call him Joe). Dr. Anonymous pulls out a chair to sit next to me at a two-person table, talking about weird personal stuff like he always does, until Joe comes back and Dr. Anonymous awkwardly leaves
> While he's had no issues talking to me in front of other women, he leaves me alone when Joe comes over, who has more muscle/bulk than him. This is what really starts making me think it is sex-based
It's been making me dread going to class, dread walking around campus, and it’s been affecting my personal relationships with my peers in the section. Several are spreading rumors that I’m sleeping with Dr. Anonymous, and others invite me to their study dates because they think he gives me exam answers (one of my friends, “Anne”, is friends with a peer in the course, “Mary”, and Anna told me that Mary said that’s the reason I’ve been invited so much). My dilemma is that this is purely emotional/mental. He has never touched me sans quick pats on the shoulder and hasn't said anything outwardly malicious. I don't want to ruin his career if I’m overreacting, but it's been stressing me out and causing me to think of transferring because I think he’s going to keep trying to talk to me when I’m done with the class. Even if I'm not overreacting, I feel like people won't believe me because of how well-loved on campus he is. Whenever I’ve mentioned that I think he’s weird, everyone goes “ohmergurshwhy he’s so niceee and funnie!!!” and that’s making me feel like it’s all in my head. Nonnas, what do you think? Is this a Title IX situation? Any advice generally? Thank you ♥
report him!!!!!!!!! write a list of all the incidents you can remember and their dates/times/general times of day. if there are any texts from classmates or your sleezeball creep prof then screenshot them and back them up somewhere for good measure.
good luck anon, none of it was, is, or will ever be your fault.
Even if the rest of this wasn't creepy as hell, you could get him on>women [in law school] have it easy, just wear something short
alone. Take him down. i'm sure you're not the first person he's done this to.
I have a bf who is kind, loving, stable etc but the problem is I’m not physically attracted to him at all. I was attracted to him at one point but we’ve been together 3 years now and my already weakish attraction to him just kind of fizzled out completely in the last 6 months or so. Its gotten so bad I feel like I’m being raped when we have sex, even though he would never want to have me. That’s just how unattracted I am to him.
Problem is I’ve realized I’m kind of madly in love with another man who I work with and have grown very close to in the last 2-3 months. I feel incredibly attracted to him, he is extremely amusing and charming, and he does some things for me which I find sweet, even if they’re just small gestures (like remembering to buy me a coffee when he gets one for himself) The other problem is he can’t give me anything my bf gives me because he’s pretty broke, admits he never wants a relationship again (his ex broke his heart and he’s still not over her) he’s a commitment phobe as a result etc.
Basically he flirts with me constantly but told me not to get involved with him because he isn’t ready to love anyone else again anytime soon. I feel like I get emotionally hit and quit by this man every time we interact and he knows how to make me want him more while also making himself unattainable to me, probably narcissistic tendencies or whatever.
I feel so stuck because I’m in a loveless relationship with a great guy, while also being in love with a guy who toys with my emotions and attraction constantly. So I have nowhere to move. I know the right thing to do would be to break up with my boyfriend until I’ve decided what to do next, but we’re caught in a very codependent situation atm where I’m basically his only support network and he’s also mine, and I don’t know if I can even support myself financially without his help. I don’t know what to do nonas. This feels like a complete stalemate and I’m miserable.
>>354061>and I don’t know if I can even support myself financially without his help.
There's your first step to get out of this stalemate. Calculate your monthly income and spendings and figure out if you can support yourself on your own, assuming you meant the "I don't know" literally. If you can't support yourself there's your next step to work on. Don't be idle, take action.
is right, stay away from the guy at work. He sounds like trouble. You're obviously in an unsatisfying relationship you need to get out of, but don't be blinded by a new and exciting crush either.
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I hate men and I think that's probably bad. The only man I don't hate is my husband and that's because he's been actively working on not being a total piece of garbage and it took me years to fully get over myself and trust him. I hate all my male co-workers and it's difficult for me to take their opinions on anything seriously. I can't enjoy male lead movies, podcasts, books etc.
My question is, how do I get over this? Being distrustful of men makes sense, but the level of vitriol I feel towards men doesn't feel normal.
How do you all work and function around men? How do I stop hating them? I don't want any male friends but I would like to listen to their opinions without feeling my skin crawl.
Mods please don't ban me, I'm trying to stop being a manhater.
Men feel the same about women but with the added bonus of horrific sexual and violent impulses, why should you stop when they never have and never will?
I do get wanting to be neutral about those around you, especially if you work with them. Sounds more like you need to cultivate some calm and inner peace rather than start respecting their opinions, as long as you don't get too worked up about moids it's ok to not take them seriously.
Can you try to take your coworker's opinions as a "stopped clock is right twice a day" kind of thing? Just suspend disbelief for however long it takes him to talk, practise active listening so you don't get lost thinking about how much you hate him. Afterwards you can decide if his input has any value with a more informed opinion. When you feel yourself boiling with rage, take deep breaths to steady yourself, you can look up specific exercises online. Excuse yourself if you have to, with the express purpose of calming down and returning to the situation with a more stable presence.
As for male created or centered media idk what to tell you since most of it sucks. Personally I don't even bother unless the thing is really popular and many, many people attest to its quality. Do you want to seek it out on your own? Are your loved ones exposing you to it? Knowing your motivations here helps. The coworker thing was more straightforward.
I think your rightful outrage at the havoc men wreak upon our world and innocent lives has turned into a toxic
kind of anger. Maybe I'm misunderstanding you or overestimating its effect on your life, but anger and hatred at this scale mainly damage the one who holds it. Unlike moids you're not externalising your rage through rape, murder, and arson, so it just festers inside. You can let it go and feel your soul get lighter.
This doesn't mean you should love men or trust them, but for my own sanity I always strive for indifference. Otherwise I find myself getting preoccupied with negativity rather than enjoying my life. You can also channel the energy into more productive, life-affirming things like uplifting the voices of your female colleagues, or… idk kickboxing. The world is your oyster.
ayart Thanks! I don't get too worked up by it, I just feel a bit guilty about it. Like how you said that men do the same thing, thinking I had anything in common with sexists really bothered me. You're right though, I don't do any of the awful things that men do, and I don't even really speak my true feelings outside of this site.
I got worried about it because an acquaintance recommended a male-hosted podcast to me and I was like "oh I only listen to women-hosted podcasts" and she told me I had some internalized misogyny to work out. When I asked and admitted my feelings to my therapist she told me my thoughts were not normal and that my thought process is just an unhealthy response to the world i live in / just as bad as men who hate women. She is older and has said some other sus
things, so I think its time to find a new one. Thanks everyone for the thoughts. Glad I'm not alone.
ayrt. Sorry for the double reply, I saw this as I posted my other response.
Thanks that's really helpful! I'm very lucky that in my new workplace both my director and supervisor are women and I only work with a few men. My old workplace was a very typical sexist tech job and that's where a lot of my resentment comes from. I don't externalize it at all outside of just not having male friends outside my husband, him and I have a good relationship and he really tries to not be annoying.
I think I was overestimating my own hatred based on what my therapist/acquaintance said - so thanks! I'll def try out some kind of stress-relieving workout, right now I just do HIT but something like kick-boxing sounds fun.
didn't they used to ban pink-pill threads?
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How to turn envy and comparing yourself to others into inspiration?
I struggle a lot with comparing my self to other females who I find attractive and whose aestethic I adore. It'd be easier if I could accept how I am and appreciate my own good qualities appearance-wise but it is hard.
Sounds like you feel unattractive and/or don't have the features you like. I'm gonna tell you that if you're a woman (i mean a real woman, not a troon), there will always be some things you or other people will find "undesirable" about you, and honestly, imo male attraction to women is based more about conformity than personality or even outer beauty. For example, Amber Heard would be considered extremely attractive by most standards, but after her case with Depp, men have been calling her mid and ugly, because she dared to speak out against her abuser. Also, If Heard so much as dared not to shave and grow out her natural body hair on her legs, armpits or pubic area, men would also find that extremely unattractive, because she isn't bowing down to male standards and isn't appealing to male desires. So if I were to give you adivce that I think really applies here, forget the appearance stuff and focus on things that you can do instead of look like - take up a hobby, study hard, go travel, meet new people, develop your personality. Also, look into radfem lit related to beauty. That's truly the ticket to forgetting this appearance-related sadness.
But if you want to truly change how you look, I can't convince you that it isnt important to you.
There are only two camps of things in your appearance - things you can change (clothes, fat %, muscle tone, posture, attitude) and things you cannot (body fat distribution, bone/body structure, facial features (unless you want to get PS, which im not gonna advise for), skin tone and color, etc).
There are many ways to approach these two camps, you can make a "like/dont like/can change/cant change" chart and act accordingly towards it, but that wont address your underlying problem.
Your first step should be accepting yourself. When you accept yourself you have a much better idea of what its possible for you to look like. When I was anorexic, I desperately wanted to be thin and androgynous looking. I was aiming for a standard that simply was not ever possible for me to achieve, because my bone structure is wide and curvy, and im very fleshy. So I aim just to be the best-looking me I can be. I think it would help you to know what body or facial features you have that aren't dependent on weight for how they look (i.e. you might have visibly high cheekbones even when you gain weight) and try to accept those. For me, it was reading about and watching films of Marilyn Monroe, Liz Taylor, Susan Sarandon and other women with my body type. Might sound stupid, but it worked and I like my body now.
After you feel like you accept your looks, its time for you to develop your own desired traits. This could be clothing style or even body features - you can change your silouette with enough muscle training or just clothing. What do you like about the features of the women you're envious of? What do you admire about them? What can you do to be more like them in those aspects? Half, if not more of the work here will be done AFTER YOU START ACCEPTING YOURSELF, because jealousy is only really possible when you feel like something others have is unattainable, or that your position is inherently worse than theirs (as in, their looks are 'obviously better' than yours).
I wont write more because this post is long enough, but basically, I'd recommend you read some radfem lit and get hobbies, or accept yourself and do things that can actually change what you want about your appearance.
Thanks a lot for your response!
I'd like to emphasise that I honestly do not care about male attention, my point was that I myself am not happy with the way I look. I know that was not your point at all, I'm just clarifying in case I expressed my self a bit poorly earlier on.
But you gave some really good advice, since the problem really is that I'm obsessed with a bunch of girls who don't look like me facial structure-wise etc. and have been feeling awful about it. In the end, the problem is that I don't appreciate my own features and I definitely did feel like women who look different from me objectively are much more attractive.
(I also have to add that I know it's not wise to compare yourself to someone's pics on IG/other social media, we all know how much people photoshop/use filters/makeup/angels/etc. to showcase only the best version of themselves online)
In the end, appearance is quite a trivial thing, even if you care about it a lot.
Have somebody struggled with your family opinions about your academic situation? I deeply appreciate any advice to overcome the pressure of disappointing my mother. Mostly if you come from a Latina/strict mother experience.
I've failed the only class I was taking this year, this is some of the 2 pending ones before graduating, I'm doing the final exam for another one during February next year.
I already talked with my mother, she really sounded disappointed at me but not as bad as I imagined. I feel a really big pressure from her, since she graduated around my age (23~24, I'm some weeks away from having 25) and she was expecting me graduating this year or even way before during pandemic.
It's not like im a slacker,most of the times I'm at home prepping the meals for her and my brother or taking care of pets and chores plus maintaining freelancer work. Even I help financially with that.
Even knowing that I cannot be and do everywhere the pressure is sickening me and I wanted to know if someone else had a similar situation like mine who can share their piece of advice about it. Thank you and I apologize the wall of text.
You could also try joining an adult teamsport, a book club, a hiking club, stuff like that. Or Bumble BFF.>>356216
What's the point? It's not like people won't see your new face irl.
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My mom called two hours ago to ask me if I'd tutor my (step)nephew in order to catch up on 30+ assignments and help him pass for this period despite supposedly failing two grades but getting passed onward anyway. Supposedly, one of my mom's customers at the store suggested I do it since I was so smart in school that it'd be a no-brainer for me to do it. According to mom, he doesn't focus on his work, but I get why he might be struggling to focus: he has three younger siblings that make things chaotic, and his homelife is rough since his parents (my brother and sister-in-law) haven't been on good terms lately, and thus haven't been able to agree on a way to help him. That whole family is moving back into my mom's house for the winter months as well, where my mom is unhappy with the setup since her and the sister-in-law (her daughter-in-law) do not get along at all. I've been critical to the three adults that live there that they need to get along for the sake of the children, but they won't listen to me. Now, my brother is taking EMT classes and my sister-in-law was aiming for a job, which makes them pretty much unavailable if she gets the job.
Back to the nephew, I recognize that both family and school have failed him and that he shouldn't be left to flunk. But I am absolutely sure that I'm not qualified for it. I'm not as patient as I should be when it comes to students, as I do have experience with trying to tutor kids. I also struggled with my own schooling as I got older despite being in advanced/G-T classes. Finally I'm just not real jazzed to give up 4 hrs after a 9-5 to tutor someone given I just got settled into a routine of enjoying my time at home and hanging out with my boyfriend and friends in games without being a caretaker to someone, but I get that that's selfish to be upset about. Am I in the wrong to not want to do this? Or should I just bite the bullet and do it?
You could say you’ll do 45 minutes per day and then just talk to him and not tutor him. Do that for a while then tell them he needs a real tutor and stop pretending to tutor him.
His parents should be doing the tutoring and things are clearly shit, your mom is just worried and coming up with ideas. You cannot be his tutor.
Do you think it’d be possible to salvage my relationship with my roommate? I’m a junior in college, and last year I roomed with a close friend who ended up dropping out, so this year I moved into a new dorm with a new randomly selected roommate. My social skills had become really awful over the past couple years, but we were able to be pretty friendly with each other at first. On the first morning of classes she sent me a good morning text but I didn’t respond because I didn’t really know how to. Whenever I’m in my room alone I often ramble really loudly to myself like a schizo, something I tried to stop doing this year but I failed after like a day, and I’m certain she can hear me and thinks I’m insane. A week into the semester things started getting really awkward, the only things we’d say to each other would be “hi”. When we met up to do our roommate agreement she acted kinda cold and passive aggressive the whole time, but I guess it was just because she was as awkward as me. Right now that the semester’s almost over, we legit go out of our way to avoid each other. Whenever I hear her in the kitchen I wait for her to leave so that I can cook and vice versa. The communication issues are especially a problem with household responsibilities and stuff, we’re supposed to take turns taking out the trash, but whenever it’s her turn she just takes the bag out and leaves it next to the bin until I have to text her to take it out. Our base means of communicating is texting and it’s just asking each other to get stuff done. I feel like this just sucks for both of us and think it’s too late to even try and get in normal speaking terms, but does anyone know what I might be able to do?
This is advice I never like receiving since it seems really futile, BUT - try asking her if everything's ok. College can be very ass half the time, and life's stressful as-is.
Unless you feel she's truly being malicious, ask if she's alright and if you can divide up chores better. Even if you have to kinda kneecap yourself and say "I just feel like I'm the awkward one! I don't want things to get worse" she'll probably be more open to talking as long as you aren't accusing her of something. You can bring up things you want her to be more responsible about after you've established she's ok with talking.
The same exact thing is happening with students at my school. People randomly get really standoffish and there's less feeling of community overall. Asking about it usually leads to a barrage of personal complaints, or a cry for help with life things that I just can't solve for them. Working around it and finding a middle ground is possible, but leave a little space for things possibly not improving. I'd love to wave a magic wand and make everyone a functional, social adult but since covid - no joke - social interaction across the board has just been bricked. Faculty is feeling it, counselors are feeling it, and you're not alone in being surprised at things like that.
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hi nonnies, can I get advice on achieving true stoicism as a broken neet trying to get a job? I, uh, had a weird upbringing. Learned how to speak years after other kids. Have a lot of weird behaviors (I have been asked if I'm severely autistic). I have, unfortunately, only gotten much worse and more disassociated as I've gotten deep into my 20s. On top of everything I have a disease that makes me feel really exhausted all the time and look like death, like I can barely even think in the moment. I have accidentally driven people to rage just because I accidentally had the wrong tone and expression. I am horrifically ugly. I only had one day in my life I felt well. I have made money online for a few years but it isn't really enough to save up.
Right now I'm trying to get as healthy as I can. However, I keep seeing all kinds of horrible stories from other people that probably have much more going for them and it's so demotivating. I have been avoiding such sites + threads lately, but the fact that pretty much all of the worst experiences of my life came from when I tried to get out of my shell really doesn't help. I spent years brute forcing it and my mental health was left in shambles.
I'm not really a suicidal person but tbh I'd be dead by now if not for my family because, tbh, someone like me really shouldn't exist and…I don't know how to persist, vicariously, being the way I am?
You're going to want to start by looking after yourself more. Become more confident in your appearance by taking baby steps: skincare routine, makeup (not totally necessary but mascara, cc cream, and a quick brow fill-in changes the way i see myself completely), style, etc.
Eat better if you can, drink more water and try to take a walk every now and then.
Next, write up a resume and make an Indeed account. Find job postings that are close to you and apply to ALL OF THEM. A lot of smaller jobs do not require experience and can be easier to get. Even if it is an unejoyable job like fast food or retail, you will get experience and be able to save more money. Open a savings account and add a percentage of your paycheck to it.
It may take a while, but you will have funds for an apartment and you can figure out what to do with your life from there.
It will get better nona. It is possible. I hope things start looking up for you, and it is never too late to start now.
You mean stoicism as a philosophy and way of life? If so you start by reading the most popular books in that genre and finding community with others seeking stoicism. Surely there are pseudonymous online communities you can join to meet people without showing your face. I can't point you in any particular direction because i dont know anything about stoicism itself, but if that's what you want help with then I'll be happy to do some research for you.
The other anon is giving you more "brute force" advice where you just solve it all yourself. Her suggestion to take physical care of yourself is great, so please start there! (Not with makeup, thats stupid. But diet, exercise, hydration, and regular sleep are necessary for your physical and emotional health.) More than that I think you need support. The part of you that says "I should be able to handle this alone" is a fucking liar. You mention supportive family so please, tell them the truth about how you're feeling. Together you can look into programs for autistic adults, occupational therapy, hell maybe even trauma therapy. It sounds like youve been through a LOT, most of which has yet to be processed.
As an internet stranger I can't tell you exactly what's holding you back or where you need the most help, but I do know for a fact that you need to gather some more people on your side, people with more energy and information than you, who want nothing more than to see you succeed. And anon there are people like that out there who would be honoured to be a part of your journey
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I live with one another girl who is really lovely and we get along well. She's out of the house a lot (which is fine), but when she is in the house, 9/10 times she has her boyfriend over. Her boyfriend is a nice enough guy but he talks super loud and they cook dinner together very late (at like 11 pm or 12 am), which is not a good combo since my bedroom is next to the kitchen. As I'm typing rn I can hear every word he's saying. I always hear her shushing him so she knows he's loud. Her bf will often stay overnight, sometimes two nights in a row and she never asks or lets me know that he'll be here. It makes me uncomfortable wearing tank tops or no bra under my shirt because a man is there. Like today I came home and she'd left for class and he had sat himself down in the living room playing TikToks loudly. She doesn't tell me when SHE'LL be out of the house either, so sometimes she's gone for like 5 days at a time without letting me know. I never want to text and check because it seems a bit over the top to demand to know where she is.
Anyways, I always let her know when I'm going to have friends over. I'd really appreciate the same courtesy, but idk if it'd be redundant since he's here all the time so she'd be texting me every other day. I don't know what to do anons. I don't want to seem like a narc but I don't like living in the same space with a man. The best solution for me would be if she stops having her boyfriend over all the time but I don't feel I can demand that.
Still stuck in lite mode so I can't delete, but I'm starting to wonder now, does sound sleep hygiene mean using your bed
or using your bedroom
only for sleeping? Am I actually allowed to use my bedroom again as long as I don't do all the stuff I used to do in my bed in my bed? Will my suffering end? This month was painful.
This is a genuine set of questions.
Do you find short haired women to be unfeminine?
Do you find small chested women to be unfeminine?
Do you find women without make-up unfeminine?
Do you find women in pants to be unfeminine?
What you and she are missing is that "feminine energy" is not about looks. She's trying too hard and forcing it. She needs to get comfortable with herself and find some inner peace, then she will be feminine just by existing because she is female.>When you feel "masculine" you're just feeling like a person because masculinity stereotypically includes every positive attribute
Dangerous mindset to have. I know people in society value "masculine" more but you should know better.
I wasn't trying to trigger
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Any advice so I can turn off from sex??
female animals literally get SWITCHED ON and seek sex. If anything, the concept of rape only exists in humans and some mammals, animals don't typically reproduce through rape, they do when females allow it
And most females, if not all, go about life being switched on for sex and going after sexual attraction at all times in their lives (this is why they don't play single player video games in their basements or do any other behavior outside socializing, because socialization = sex)
Name one thing you do with your day that is not socialization-related. That isn't related to clothes, looking at people, reading about people, gossiping, that isn't about displaying something (like gardening)
Tell me one action you take in your day that is introspective. You can't name one can you? That is because women think about sex 24/7 - it is why they never act in a way that isn't social. What goes inside comes out in your behavior(chill out)
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What the hell do I do. What would be the best way to conquer and get rid of my severe facial eczema to a manageable degree if I live with one of my biggest triggers? First off, I am planning on changing my diet by cutting out dairy and meats and lowering the amount of carbs I consume, since I've read that inflammation is directly tied to diet. Along with increasing the amount of water to at least a liter and more a day, I am going to start taking walks and get a gym membership at my local community center as well. Along with limiting the amount of steroids and medicines I use so as to not develop TSW or a dependency. So I have no plans on not at least trying to fix it by focusing on my body first and foremost. However, I fear that despite these changes it might not do all that much because I live with two large hairy dogs that shed constantly, and dog hair and dander is one of my biggest triggers. If I am in a room with them and they shake their fur everywhere my face will break out into weepy hives and sores. I have to constantly change and wash my clothes because their hair and dander will track into my room and into my bed. If I don't there are times where I can't even sleep in my own bed without waking up to painful weeping patches on my cheeks and neck so I just pull a all-nighter until I can use the washing machine. I can't even go into the basement anymore since it is teeming with dander and fur, and just sitting down there will trigger a severe flare-up. I have to spend 96% of my time in my room because it's the only place that has some form of repreive from the absolute nightmare of dander and fur that's everywhere outside of it. Literal nightmare fuel. They're my family's dogs so getting rid of them isn't an option and even if the dogs died my family would quickly replace them in less than a week. Because "awww we need the heckin pupperinos doggos for muh protections". I can't move out for the foreseeable future in this economy so I'm stuck with this until I can move which won't be for years, it is seriously depressing me to the point that suicide is becoming a viable option. Hell, I know for a fact that when the dogs do die my father wants a pitbull so I've debated triggering it, getting mauled, and using that to leverage never having a canis familiaris in the house ever again. I'm not even a dog hate autist, I just hate that I have to live with them even though they're one of the biggest factors to my lowered quality of life. I'll look and feel diseased at best and a acid victim at worst because of the dogs. So I was hoping I could get some advice to best deal with this situation before I go absolutely postal because of the constant physical pain.
a bunch of random ideas:
1) adding door brushers to your door. I have an odor problem where I live so I just taped stiff paper to mine, which cuts down on smell but idk how effective it would be for this
2) wearing a mask/scarf over your face when going through your house. long sleeves and long pants are a given.
3) getting an air purifier made specifically for allergens/pet dander
4) keeping 2-3 towels in your room for exclusive use for showers, etc
5) keeping 3-4 water bottles in your room (and pls eventually drink around 1.5L a day, 1L is not much). also non perishable, healthy and filling snacks like trail mix, apples, etc in your room to minimize trips
6) wearing thin hoodies with the hood up to sleep, to protect your neck
7) maybe you can train yourself to sleep on your back? or cover your pillowcase entirely when not in use to minimze drifting dander getting on it. or use one of the personal towels as a pillowcover and put it away first thing in the morning
a lot of these kinda rely on you having your own room, esp one that ppl dont go in and out of much. i hope you find some methods that help soon anon, sorry you're realy going through it, ezcema is hell
I need help with some classy stocking stuffer ideas for this couple I am buying gifts for. I know it’s early, but custom stuff has to be done early.
Hers: Custom leather luggage tag, perfume, birth flower necklace, custom nail polish (in the colors of her pets eye colors), snacks
His: Matching leather luggage tag, cologne, snacks
She is who I’m trying to make a good impression on, so her boyfriend’s gift needs to be equivalent to hers somewhat, but not Too good. It can’t seem like I’m trying to impress him, so nothing too fancy or expensive in his. He also kind of sucks so generic is fine. Hers I’m open to any ideas.
Does it make a difference if the woman is the sister of the man I have been dating for a few years? I dont know her very well but she knows I am not at all interested in her boyfriend. Still a bad idea?
If I’m being honest the cologne idea came to mind because I can get pretty much any nice cologne for free.
What do I do if a creep scrote asks for my number, but wants me to type it in and call right away to check if it's real? This happened in front of my house so I couldn't lie, either way he'd know where I live and what my car looks like. I'm moving soon but I live in a very quiet rural area with barely anyone around, I was afraid to potentially anger him because if he'd started knocking me out no one would've heard or seen anything for hours. I learnt from my neighbor that he rings her door at 1am to proposition her, ask for cigs and money, and always waits outside the village for a ride downtown. I'll call the cops if he approaches me again but I just need tips on the fucking phone number trick because this has happened before and I never know what to do.>>359811
I know how that feels, I was around these types in college as well who ended up ruining my reputation based on nothing. What fixed it for me was severing ties with that friend group, unfortunately. It's tougher when it's your roommate, it happened to be mine too and I had to move out so things were difficult for a bit. Liars and rumor spreaders are literal diseases, you have to get physically away from them (or those they contaminated). If you can't for now, honest confrontation might be your best bet, just asking why she said that when you both know that's not true. If conversation isn't an option, stonewalling is the last resort.
How to merge my soft heart with my man-hate? Ideologically, I am the evil TERF "kill all men" lesbian separatist that everybody fearmongers about, but in practice I'm honestly just very kind to everyone. Even when random men speak to me on the street, I respond with the care and respect I give to all living creatures. It's reflexive. When the interaction ends, I feel disappointment and sometimes even disgust for giving a scrote some positive attention, which no doubt brightened his mood and encouraged him to pester even more women and girls. It's a betrayal of my feminist values… but it fits perfectly into my genuine "nice girl" personality. But men dont deserve that, I know, and I'd rather save my energy for women. Is this something that just comes with practice?
To be clear, I don't want to get in unnecessary fights or antagonize anyone, just ignore the strangers as if they don't exist. And in an environment where contact is prolonged (work, school, neighbors), remain polite but hold them all at arm's length. The problem is that I love to put people at ease, laugh at their jokes, help them out, teach them things… and I routinely mistake these walking abortions as people. Does it get easier with time? I don't need any help hating men because I already know what they are capable of, I don't trust any of them, but it has been so difficult to harden my heart. Does anyone else have this problem?
Yelling is abuse. Being mean and yelling at you is also abuse. It's emotional abuse.
I lived with a dad who would yell all the fucking time and it was awful.
My mom's company was brought by a multinational last year. She had a high responsibility and very tiring job, but she felt useful and had some kind of purpose. Her new position makes it so she doesn't have a team of forty people to manage, way less stressful, but it's also really boring: she basically does every tasks for the day in two hours, whereas she used to come to work with 60+ emails to treat daily on top of the management. She also works almost 50% remote now so her day is basically finished before lunch.
Of course going from one extreme to another is hard and it takes some times to adapt. I'm really glad that she has the opportunity to take some time to herself and have a less stressful job for the end of her career, she also gets to spend more time with my brother which is great. But since september she has been telling me often about how she did nothing all weekend (of course she takes care of the house, garden, my brother and the cats alone so she's still pretty active), got bored and just watched tv or napped. I'm worried about her getting depressed since she had such a drastic change in her lifestyle and I'm not sure she knows how to fill all that free time, kinda like how some freshly retired people get depressed because they don't have a lot going on outside of work. I'm especially worried thinking about the future when my brother will leave for college and she will be all alone.
Has anyone been in that kind of situation, and how did you feel? I would also like to introduce her to a new hobby (I know that she has a creative streak in her that she never got to explore for exemple) but I'm not sure what. She lives in a rural area, although not too far from the city it would be better if it's something she could do by herself and not in a club setting. Has anyone got any idea of a hobby to pick up at that age? What do your moms do in their free time?
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Sometimes I find myself wondering if I should do my makeup and choose a nice outfit for school just to see if it makes me feel.. better?
I love dressing up and wearing makeup, but never when I'm going to school or to work. Usually I just wear my "less important" clothes to school and go with a bare face.
I just feel like it's kinda unneccessary (to me personally) to get all dolled-up just to go to school (or work, for that matter) and I rarely have the energy in the morning even if I wake up really early.
This is a dumb thing to stress about, I just wonder if putting effort into my appearance more often would result in feeling more put-together and maybe even more motivated if that makes sense?
How to stop people pleasing? I pretty much fake my whole personality to be liked online and off. It isn't borderline, and I'm aware the part I'm playing isn't really me as I don't merge. I just feel immense fear of offending the other person, being scolded and rejected or hurt, even if they're wildly overstepping bare minimum boundaries. Pretending means I can make sure I'll be liked. It's attracted a couple narcissistic types who use me for their supply. One gay guy I've known for years trooned out and his palpable narcissism sure intensified. I'm walking on eggshells because I'm sure he'll threaten suicide and blame me for being a "TERF" if I say anything invalidating.
He started stanning exclusively trans-identified male celebrities who've made beyond questionable public statements about women. I think he's into the victimhood status that comes with daring to disagree with him about anything trans-related, and the power it gives him, but I can't extend my people pleasing tendencies to agreeing with him fanboying over Ethel Cain's recent Tumblr posts (the ones calling women 12 year old girls waiting to be fucked by old men). I said that it put me off listening to Ethel's album (which he asked me to listen to, in an ongoing line of random trans album recommendations he presents as the second coming of Christ just because they're trans). He immediately said "wait did that seriously put you off her" and went on a tirade excusing it: "i mean she could have worded her post better but transphobes were writing literal transphobic thinkpieces about her and then when she got upset and reacted angrily they were just like male brain moment. she was clearly pissed off at all the transphobic posts showing up on her tumblr when she wrote it". When I said I understand the context because I read all Ethel's posts and those same excuses Ethel gave, he gave me the silent treatment, didn't bother to reply at all, ignored it like it wasn't said and went back to talking about what he wants (linked a video about a gay story because he's a gay man in denial, obsessed with various gay celebrities to such an extent it's undeniably autistic hyperfixation, and then he linked a list of books by trans authors). That's when I accepted I was being talked at for attention. He will talk and talk and talk about his favourite gay male and TIM celebrities knowing I'm a lesbian who has no reason to care. The other day he said a teenage trans musician's brain was so above mine and his. He's always been condescending but it eased for a time when I told him it's shitty - until he transitioned, and now it's ramping back up. I guess he feels it's justified to neg me if it's propping up TIMs. This isn't to mention him updating me about his "tits growing". Why do I put up with this, telling myself I'm the problem, seeing the good in him when all that potential is gone thanks to transitioning, when he really turned out to be the most common moid who found a not like the other boys cheat code? What's wrong with me?
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when i am on the internet too often, because i work toward my bachelors as an online student, i am prone to distractions and envy. i am working on it, but lately i have been sick and out of routine and my whole day has been taken up wondering how i should change up my appearance outside of exercise/diets i have been doing.
i do not know if i should invest in lip injections? or if i should try to put tape in extensions again? i wish i could answer these things for myself but i don't know. i am very low maintenance because i only go out of the house for work part-time and do not have social media or much i doll up for aside from when i visit my boyfriend every few months.
i have some extra money so i am just wondering if its worth it to get small lip fillers and try extensions again? i know its vain but i wonder if it could propel me in some way or make me love myself more. sometimes i see girls who looks so ethereal and elegant and i really wish i could appear as such more often. i want to carry myself more maturely and put more effort into myself i just dont know if this is a silly thought or worth the investment.
Lip fillers always look bad and obvious, no matter how little you put in. Imo and paradoxical it looks the worst on girls with thin lips, thin lips are so much cuter than thin lips with filler in them. It always migrates and we do not know the long term effects, plus dissolving them also dissolves your natural collagen making your skin saggy. Dont do it.
Maybe invest in something like a few dance lessons, that will teach you how to move more gracefully and have more control over your body? Lip fillers are certainly mot going to make you behave or look more elegant.
Is he dangerous/deranged? Block and ignore.
Is he needy/gross? Tell him he’s a gay man and he needs to love himself then block and ignore.
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I want to take a gap year after getting my Associates in the Spring of 2025 to save up some money. During this gap year I plan to work non-stop at two jobs (one that is a simple part-time job, and another that actually utilizes my degree) for a year to save up enough money to have enough cushion to rent an apartment with a rent ranging from $1,200.00 or lower for four years while getting my Bachelor's Degree, mainly because I want to experience living alone for my health and well being. I still plan to continue working when I pursue my Bachelors to support myself but I want to use a gap year to gain some savings to cushion myself for this experience. I've made a spreadsheet with several rough estimates of costs and gains. As such. I just want to know if this is feasible, some advice, a bad idea, and so on.
You can take back control by telling her you're going/went there if she asks and if she's difficult about it tell her "This is my choice as an adult and it's not up for discussion. I'm asking you to respect my decision as I respect yours." (or something along those lines that's comfortable for you to say) and don't engage in a discussion/fight. Absolutely don't try to justify your choice to go, that just gives her something to reply to and fight about. You've got to be firm and not allow any discussion: she's allowed to dislike your choice, but she's not allowed to control it. Leave the room if you have to.
That said, if you want a way around it, most churches livestream their services for free online.