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No. 257551
Ask for advice on any topic!
Previous thread:
>>>/g/205674 No. 257630
Alright well I'll christen the thread with some needed advice. Domestic abuse victims, please chime in.
The couple next door are definitely a domestic abuse case. I've always heard the woman screaming when they kick off, in various degrees of pain. They kicked off again about half an hour ago, so I called the police 'cause the woman was yeling things like, "No let me go", "No that's disgusting", and "I just want to leave". The worst I heard her yell in pain and fear was about a month ago. When I called the police that time, nothing happened. This time the police actually did a wellness check, but to my utter embarrassment, neither the man nor woman were home (they somehow left in the span of like… 5 minutes after this all kicked off and I don't get it). I swear to god I feel like I'm a crazy person and I want to know… the next time this happens, do I start recording them? I share a wall with them, hence how I can hear this all. But I feel like I need to gather some evidence or at least stand out in the hallway so I can see where they go or what they look like. Please let me know what to do next time this happens aside from call the police. I want to finally catch them in the act and end this shit once and for all.
No. 257912
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How do I start socializing again after a prolonged period of isolation?
Conceptually, I get it, I just go to places and meetups and whathave you and just talk to people. But how do I keep myself from sounding and looking 'off'? I feel like people would be able to tell that I'm sheltered from the way I speak and that I'm forcing myself to open up and talk. This is the other thing, I yearn for company but at the same time afraid of intimacy. I feel like this is another thing that people would pick upon, the ambivalence that I feel towards them
No. 257921
>>257912Deep breathes Noni. Remember we’re all just weird little star dust people trying to exist and connect. Intimacy and connection take time. It comes naturally as relationships progress as long as they’re healthy and you two mesh well. Don’t force yourself, most of the people who push going so far out of your comfort zone are telling you to disrespect your boundaries. Reassure and work through your anxiety but honor and listen to your genuine concerns too.
Try simple compliments first. Prepare in your head. Checking out at the store compliment the clerk on her shirt or hair. It makes people feel good.
In one on one when you’re trying to actually get to know someone ask them questions and listen. People really do like to talk about themselves. Even if they say they don’t. Most people just don’t listen. So a little genuine kindness and reassurance can help. And if someone is an asshole. Fuck them. You don’t want to be friends with people that don’t like you anyway.
No. 257950
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What do you do when everything starts feeling stagnant in your life? I think it's just another depressive episode, but lately everything's been feeling bland to me and nothing feels worth doing. Not even going out to buy stuff helped me feel better, I don't see a point to even getting new things. I don't hate my life right now, it just feels like a drag, same town, same job, same people, same places. I dream about moving away but know this cycle will just repeat after a while. How do you get out of this slump?
No. 258003
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How to get used to not talking to someone on a daily basis? A friend and I have pretty much gotten to the point in a very active and emotional friendship where we've realized there's not much to talk about anymore unless someone's upset (usually me). They keep busy in life, and I have my own shit to deal with as they are well aware of, so we've agreed that it's okay to not talk frequently if there's nothing important to talk about. However, I've realized that I'm so used to constant communication with them that it's hard to not talk to them, and I wind up upset if I can't even talk to them for a little bit at the end of the day. How the fuck do I fix this without just outright calling a break to the friendship or telling them to make me fuck off for their own good?
No. 258101
>>257950I've had this issue multiple times before and even now I'm in this same slump. I think you just have to accept that life is repetitive to a point (when I first realized this it made me suicidal ngl) and you have to pave your own way. Romanticize the mundane, try new things, even if it's something as small as a different route home from work or a new restaurant. Pick up a new hobby. Try to learn a new language. I think you will be happier if you spend your money on experiences instead of material possessions. Oh, and if you want to move away and start all over, go for it! Life is all about trying new things and getting experience under your belt. But the key is to just be content with what you have, gratitude is a learned skill tbh. Good luck anon and I hope we can both get out of our slump together!
>>258003I'm sorry anon, I know how lonely this can feel. It feels like you're a lost puppy waiting for their owner to come home. All you can really do is to try to keep yourself occupied or perhaps meet more people you can talk to so you don't feel so lonely. It's not good to be dependent on only one friend.
No. 258199
>>258183been on and off quitting for the past year. its definitely hard but I suggest taking calming vitamins every day, I take magnesium and valerian and some other herbal relaxants every day. I also bought a vape with 2 chambers one with nicotine and one without. Just so that my hands have something to do once I get that urge. I also really suggest patches, I had so much depression when I was quitting and once I bought patches that niggling feeling and anxiety just subsided and I was able to work properly again.
Good luck anon, its really hard but you do overcome it.
No. 258301
>>258297>>258183i've been smoke free for about year and a half. also quit cold turkey. i took no supplements/vitamins/juices/patches and what-have-yous but that is just my personality. i had set out a date of quitting, and had watched joel spitzer videos for a couple of months prior. (i went against his advice to watch them
as you quit, though i did watch some of his daily vids while quitting too). anyways i had built a really good arsenal of comebacks for that little voice inside my head that keeps you thinking about cigarettes, making you want to smoke etc. i had convinced myself that this voice is a little piece of shit that only makes me want to stay miserable, keep spending money on poison etc. i completely flipped the way i thought about cigarettes as i used to be a hardcore smoker, pack and more a day, i fucking loved it. i knew that the hardest part about quitting for me would be the mental, so i really focused on that. i had arguments with myself daily for weeks, it was exhausting, but i kept telling myself it was worth it, and it was. good luck nonnies.
No. 258475
>>258432>>258447I start by making a list of everything I need to do. Of those tasks I choose the most important one (nearest deadline, other's depending on me, personal investment) as my starting point. Then I break it down into smaller tasks.
>Clean entire house>clean kitchen>wipe countertops>Take out sponge and spray bottleNarrow it down until it feels easy enough to that you could complete that first step in five minutes. I often tell myself "ok, I'll do
just this and only for 5 minutes and then take a break". Usually when that five minutes has passed, I don't feel the need to stop, I just keep going until I've finished several more steps.
It also helps to be realistic about how much you can actually do. Most of the time, some things on the list are left incomplete because I just don't have the time or energy. That's okay. As long as I can manage to do even one, small, five minute part of my task, then I'm proud of myself.
Lastly please consider letting some things go. Maybe you have too much on your plate? When I feel stressed to the point of inaction, I resolve to take on fewer responsibilities even if it means people get mad at me or I'm disappointed in myself. I think it's more important to move slowly, at a pace I am personally comfortable with, and take good care of my physical health.
No. 258835
>>258555She clearly knows because you've told her before. Unless she's severely ill in other ways she's just decided she's out of ideas or she doesn't care and made her peace with it.
So she sleeps on the couch, maybe get her a mattress protector that's made for bedwetting. Or even just a thick blanket she can use as a throw so if she has an accident she can at least chuck that in the wash.
No. 258840
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Any advice on making new friends outside of work/school/clubs? I live alone in a small area, I recently go dumped and realised outside of my relationship I don't have a 'best friend'. My current friendship group consists of my mum and women close to my mums age who are married with kids (I am 23). Although they are all very supportive and lovely they're not the kind of friends that share my hobbies and interests. There are also no clubs or groups in my area for my hobbies
Am I destined to be a hermit?
No. 258842
>>258803Walk the fuck away. This is a red flag for terminal insecurity, so unless you're into guys who are mentally 3 years old and still attached to mommy's hip who need constant emotional babying, fucking
run.
Never entertain a guy who makes you feel anything but amazing. The gut feelings of cringe, ick, and ugh are there for a reason.
No. 259312
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okay so let me start out by saying i have a serious aversion to gore. it's been my biggest insecurity since forever and i've had terrible reactions to it for my entire life. i'm so sick of not being able to watch media (i enjoy horror ironically) that include a little blood without my hands going cold and clammy and having nausea. i was getting better with it but now i've seemed to go backwards. please help, nonnies, this has been nagging at me for a very long time and i'd like to address it for good. how do i start on fixing this affliction? why me
No. 259341
>>259327I got you Noni. I grew up the same so here a run down of everything I can think of okay?
Brush your teeth twice a day and floss before bed. When you floss. Floss before you brush so you loosen anything stuck between your teeth and the brush helps remove it after. Don’t use a whitening toothpaste they just wear down your enamel and don’t improve tooth health.
Washing your face can be left most of the time till night time. Then just a gentle face cleanser and throw on some moisturizer. You don’t need sunscreen on a daily basis unless you’re going to be outside in the hottest part of the day with the sun high or longer than 30 minutes in the morning or afternoon. A little sun is good for you.
I would recommending showering everyday. Just a rinse off before bed and never wear your outside clothes in your bed. Your tracking dirt. When you shower start top to bottom. So if you’re washing your hair. Do that then teeth if you need to brush them. Then face. Tooth paste around your mouth can make you break out so do it before you wash your face. Then body starting from the top. Focus on pits, under the breast in the fold. Belly button. Your but and crack then down the legs. When you wash your lady hits don’t use soap inside your labia (the lips). Take a warm wash rag or your hand and rinse the area clean. It has its on PH and is self cleaning. That’s the discharge you get and the white acidic bleach spots in your undies.
Don’t sleep in underwear just loose pants or shorts or naked. Change your undies in the morning. Shoot for natural cotton so they breathe or if you need to use a synthetic make sure they have that extra piece of fabric for “moisture wicking”. Pants unless they get dirty are good to wear two or three times as long as you’re wearing undies and shirts I normally wash every time or every other since I tend to be a little messy or it can get hot and if I sweat I wouldn’t wear it again.
When you go to the restroom always wipe front to back. If you wipe back to front you are pulling fecal matter towards your vaginal opening and can give yourself bacteria infections and stuff. If you need more Noni let me know. I’ll be your advice aunt. Us neglected adults have to stick together.
No. 259345
>>259341This is a really great list but I would say try not to sleep naked/without bottoms on. Even if you regularly wipe you can get leftover fecal matter in your sheets and irritate your skin.
Also to add: when you put on lotions/creams, don't get in bed for at least 20 min otherwise it will rub off on your sheets.
And just in general change the bedding once a week or once every two weeks depending on how much you sweat. Sorry to sperg about bed sheets so much lol
No. 259348
>>259341Thank you, this is so kind. Did you upgrade your hygiene step by step or everything at once?
Should I clean my nose everyday? I think there is always stuff in it but I don't know how to make it properly clean. And cleaning the ears everyday? Should I use hot water in the shower or is warm better?
No. 259350
>>259348Step by step. I started with the bigger pieces like showering and brushing my teeth. Making sure I had clean clothes and underwear. Then started washing my sheets more regularly, wearing socks with my workout sneakers, going to dentist visits etc. You can take steps and remember this is a process. Work a step at a time. Maybe make a checklist to start like a little one to keep in the bathroom with your night and morning steps and then as you have more you want to add try them out?
When showering you want to use warm not super hot. Hot water if it’s really hot actually removes the natural oil from your skin, so you’re better using a warm water with either a charcoal and oatmeal soap or a gentle tea tree.
You shouldn’t need to clean your ear canals themselves under most cases and for the sake of your hearing don’t stick things in the canal yourself. To wash your ears. Take a warm rag when you wash your face or in the shower. It’s your preference. Get behind them where they meat your head. Dead skin likes to build up their. Then go in the top inside alcove and then just into the little conch and your done. It’s just a wipe to remove excess ear wax, dirt, and dead skin around your the outside part of your ear.
As far as noses. As long as you can breathe you’re okay. The mucus is normal. It happens to all of us. It’s part of how our body removes allergens and illness. Blow your nose when you need to wash your hands afterwards. If you have a lot of nose hair and want to trim it you can, but it’s not necessary and nose hair helps protect your nose from debris. If the inside of your nose is very dry you can use a saline nose spray which is just sterile salt water to moisten it. You should be okay though just letting the inside of your nose do nose things.
No. 259362
>>258183>>258199>>258297I managed to quit for a year (a lot of horrible shit put me back onto it) and in that year I didn't even crave a single cig and I did it Alan Carr's guide to quitting smoking. Not the comedian but another guy, he really went into the psychology of smoking from a smokers perspective and got to the route of why you smoke and how you're lying to yourself essentially. I'm sure you can find the book online and would highly recommend. There's also a cheesy 90s DVD of it which I preferred as I liked the visual element. There was a youtube upload that no longer exists but I wouldn't think it'd be hard to find . Even though I
vape now my year of not smoking was honestly so easy and it was all from that. Good luck!
No. 259566
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How do I accept myself?
I grew up in a household where any sort of self-expression was discouraged (as soon as I put on any kind of a poster on the wall, my mother tore it down, she also criticized my drawings and the films I liked to watch, etc pretty much anything that I liked or did. She also preemptively shot down anything she assumed I wanted to do but didn't). As a result I still struggle with self-acceptance and self-expression and it's especially anxiety inducing whn I'm supposed to be speaking about things I like to do because I expect to be rejected. I also recently realized that my apartment also does not reflect who I am in any way because I was afraid to personalize it (no pictures on the walls for instance).
No. 260280
How do other nonnas deal with hypersexuality and stuff like that? It has been about 3 years since last time I had sex and it was really horrible, that whole time was really bad and now I know I was in a weird hypersexual phase, I did a lot of things I regret a lot, I used to cam underaged and made porn of myself and I was just not myself at all, it was all very disturbing and then I just suddenly turned completely normal for the past 3 years. I feel like I'm getting to that 'place' again and getting this weird urge to be risky and dangerous again, I really cannot afford it nonnas, I live in a muslim country, I could get seriously hurt and ostrascized, I am already lucky I came out with minimal damage to my brain and body. I don't know how to let this phase past so I can go back to my normal self. I'm seriously starting to feel unhinged and weird, just like before. Also, I'm 21 right now, and I'm afraid that this cycle will continue, I want it to stop. Any nonnas with similar experiences?
No. 260315
>>260288Thanks a lot, nonna. I actually have a diary I wrote in from that time and reading it gave me a wake up call definitely, I really don't want to go back to that. I'll do what you say about writing too. Thankfully, my surroundings irl and online are as sterile and asexual as they could be.
>when I was hyper sexual I just wanted to feel wanted and okay and not have to think for a minute.This is so relatable. Another thing I'm pretty sure is a factor is that these types of things I used to do as a young teen and I think, in some twisted way, it brings me some sort of comfort and familarity. Thanks for the help nonna, I wish you the best.
No. 261832
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>>248105>>248383Kek from the hand sperging I remembered some anons posted their hands a while ago, look my fingers have something wrong with them. I think my bone is jutting out on my index finger, it appeared last year, does anyone else have this
No. 263095
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How tf do you trust people again after you've been deceived and abandoned multiple times?
Immediately after meeting anyone new I get this expectation that they have malicious intentions and want me fail and this makes it very difficult for me to open up. The only people I learned to trust was my therapists (been in therapy multiple times) but with anyone else I just cannot.
No. 263104
>>263095Hi
nonnie, just saying I relate a lot, I'm very suspicious of people. A good thing to do is to do good things for others and give them reason to trust you, and open up gradually. Maybe try to find humour in the paranoia. It's not easy, but it will be worth it because paranoia can stop you enjoying life to the fullest.
No. 263714
>>263557"Hey [Auntie], I'm a little concerned about [Cousin]. I noticed she didn't eat at dinner and is looking a little thin/is losing weight. Is she doing alright?"
Good luck anon, I hope your cousin is ok!
No. 263789
I've been scared to ask this question for a long time, especially on here, but I've asked my mum this concern but I didn't get much of an answer. Every time I make female friends I feel like they become energy vampires or hurt me in the end? I've had girlfriends since I was a kid but they always turn on me in the end, my first best friend didn't even bother to care that I immigrated (which was scary for me), my second friend hated that I was a vegetarian and wouldn't help me pick out menus and my third best friend raped me by fingering me when we were 12. I made some girlfriends at uni but the first one ended up being a libfem (im christian) so she was really mean to me about me not agreeing with open relationships, but my second friend was too open and always forced me to talk about her broken relationships with men and she loved skating (which I used to) so she used that as an excuse to take me to skate parks and 'watch guys' (which I didn't want to do, I told her but she didn't seem to care).
I found a friend I thought I would like who was into D & D and knitting but she ended up also being really mean to me and controlling the way I spoke.
My mum so far has been the only girlfriend I've had who is nice to me, so I don't understand why I can never find nice girlfriends? I was even in a group of girls during uni and they all discussed diets, sex, drugs and mundane social stuff that I really didn't care about.
I've cried about it a lot and I've always said that it's my fault and that maybe I'm too high maintenance. But when I try to find girls with my interests they still seem to either hurt me, control the way I talk or emotionally dump on me.
I was in a group online for Six Siege which was full of guys and they were super nice. I actually met them in person in a game convention since they were in my same city and I remember crying that night because I was so upset that they were so nice to me and I've never had girls be this nice to me before.
These dudes didn't judge me on my life, the way I spoke or my morals. But when I brought it up to my female friends they all called me a pickme and a handmaiden (which I had to google). So I am not sure what I'm doing wrong? Am I just just looking in the wrong direction? Why have I had really shitty friends my whole life? I'm 25 now and I cannot say that I've ever had nice female friends who haven't turned on me, sexualised me or forced my speech to be a different way. I have had nice male friendships and I actually met my current long term bf from this friendship, but I only find my mum my closest friend.
I can't relate to 'female friendship' memes and sometimes they actually trigger me. What do I do anons?
No. 263793
>>263789What's really the problem? You don't seem to mesh well with women, or you somehow attract the weird ones. Too bad, but just make a resolve to not allow bad people in your life just to have female friends. If your friendships with men are fullfilling then just continue to nurture those, and if you do somehow find a good female friend by chance, cool but if you don't, who cares? As long as you do have good friends, the sex shouldn't matter. Happy you have a good relationship with your mom, so you do have someone with afemale perspective, if you might need it.
I've never had a male friend or even a single meaningful conversation with a man, and I'm fine with things being this way despite being told that male friends are cool and helpful, I'm sure they are, but what works for me, works for me and what works for you, works for you nonna. Don't feel pressured to make your life acceptable to others.
No. 263796
>>263795>deep down I wish I meshed with women my ageI get you nonna, like, seeing posts about female friendships or even just coming across women you think are cool, but then realizing you both aren't compatible with each other in some way, that they are having a negative effect on your life rather than positive, and this doesn't mean that you still can't want a friendship with a woman. But in your case, it's just not been a good experience. I don't think you should rule out the possibility as a whole, but you shouldn't force yourself to be comfortable with things you aren't okay with, just to like, tick it off your checklist. I hope I'm making sense, kek. Good luck, and your current circle sounds lovely haha
No. 263800
>>263796I totally don't try to rule out the female experience at all, I constantly try to make female friends but I seem to get the same vibe from them all, it's a bit too pushy for me and I don't enjoy the intensity at all, it makes me sad when I come home. I think you are totally making sense, thank you anon. I do enjoy my current circle, I just wish I had more modern female friends.
>>263798I would agree with you but I've been friends with my current circle for about 8+ years and they all have girlfriends/are married. I haven't experienced flirting with them before, just conversations about our hobbies or the game we're playing.
>friendships are about supporting eachother through life and the struggles that come with it. Venting and talking about your feelings in a friendship is normal. Maybe you'd mesh better with other female autists?You are right and I definitely want that, but I don't enjoy the intensity that women bring upon me especially my most recent female friends who vented really hard about their sex lives, the way I talked or ultimately bullied me. I was unsupported during my immigration and I tried to support my friend when I was younger when she came out with lesbian mothers but she ended up raping me. I did see a therapist about this and I do forgive her, but I don't enjoy the intensity at which women talk to me. At the utmost I enjoyed the friendships I've had with women aged 70+ because their problems were wildly more contained than what I've had to experience, and I have supported my male friends but its mainly about work or losing someone in the family etc. I just wish sometimes that I could have a friend my age but they seem too intense to me. I actually went out to a bar with my bf tonight to watch footy and I tried to spark up a conversation with girls on the balcony but they just kept discussing sex, bad relationships and all the negatives in their lives. And I always find this with women, they seem to discuss so much negativity with me that it makes me cry when I go home. I've tried making friends with a female 'autist' who played d&d but she was really controlling of the way I spoke and acted a bit reddit tier? Idk. Maybe I am just unlucky or looking in the wrong places. But at 25 I thought I would have more friends.
No. 263821
>>263798>Women "emotionally dump" on you because friendships are about supporting eachother through life and the struggles that come with it.The most
toxic advice I've ever heard. No one should be subjected to emotional dumping, it's not cool and it's not something 'females do for eachother' its fucking cruel and puts people in uncomfortable positions.
>>263800Anon you seem nice so just stick to what you have now and try to let bad people into your life. Whether they are men or women, you seem to know what you want which is important, so don't spread yourself too thin just because you want friends 'your own age'. Even if your mum is your closest friend, that's totally okay, don't let others tell you otherwise.
No. 263840
>>263821I sincerely doubt every woman anon came across in her life was a
toxic emotional vampire. It's more likely she has the emotional intelligence of a potato and doesn't want to engage in a deep friendship that is based on feelings, understanding and empathy rather than common interests. She's perplexed people in a club were talking about their relationships as if that's a weird thing to do kek
No. 263841
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Let's say you're 28 but you're still on the emotional level of a teenager due to mental health issues and avoiding all the experiences that people usually have due to anxiety. How do you grow up? Do you just go out and start partying, dropping acid and recklessly having sex to make up for tthe lack of those experiences? Would that make you grow up?
No. 263847
>>263821I prefer to be friends with other lesbians, febfems or some especially based straight women, because they don't have as many men in their lives. I'm pretty sure most drama which causes women to emotionally dump, can be traced back to scrotes. I also gravitate towards other spergs, wich helps. I don't like hanging out with scrotes because they're drama, they always end up revealing they are in love with you or want to fuck you (supposed gay guy even came out as bi, yikes), they're boring, paralyzed by
toxic masculinity and have a shite sense of humor. I do well with women I meet at boardgame cafés, anime and videogame conventions.
>>263789You're not going to find many women you can get along with though if you're a conservative Christian with antifeminist values, because then yeah most women aren't going to like that, but men will LOVE that. Men don't care because your morals don't affect them and they probably agree or think it's hot anyway. Meanwhile women are affected by patriarchal values.
No. 263855
>>263789My male friends were always super nice, because they wanted to fuck or date me.
On the other hand, my female friends were honest and actually helped me through my hard times, unlike the male friends who left whenever they realized I wouldn't date them.
The men in question only like you because you're easy and stupid, the same reason women dislike you. You're appealing to males and so they'll use you as an example to say
>look, women are sexist too! Women hate women too! >women's friendships are bad! >women compete with each other!But they'll end up dating and marrying the same women they allegedly hate while you'll never be more than a conversation topic to them.
No. 263856
>>263852>I may be christian but I was also a metal head and a skater for yearskek
I think other nonnas are being too harsh on you. Just do as this
>>263821 says. I don't think you should force yourself to keep looking, it will come if it was for you nonna, anything can happen. You currently have a social circle, so it isn't like you are friendless, just keep your connections with them strong, as you have for so many years. Also try the friendship finder and see if you have any luck there, but don't feel bad if things don't work out.
No. 263857
>>263851I've talked through these issues with my therapist a lot so I guess I can answer them here if I am anonymous.
I had a friend who was too open with me about all the crushes she had as a child and I asked her not to talk about it because I honestly didn't care for boys at the time and she called me a 'bitch' for not listening to her and told my dad in his face that im a 'bad person'.
My other best friend was I guess what you would call 'lib fem' and she wouldn't accept that I didn't want to discuss open relationships with her and porn, and when I became vegetarian for my religion she said I was 'stupid' and when I asked her to send me the menus before we went to a restaurant so I can see what I can eat she said I was 'retarded' and should 'shut up and get over myself'
I had another best friend in high school and she came out with lesbian mothers and she always used to ask me to compare boob sizes and then one day when we were home alone and cooking she said we should look at our vaginas in the mirror and she ended up fingering me and saying 'its what my mum and anna do' and I felt really scared and asked my mum to pick me up afterwards.
Lately, I got a nice job with an arts company and my friend from uni found out that I was into skating so she always took me to the local skate park afterwards and make me discuss her broken relationship while watching younger guys skate and rate them.
I tried to make friends with an autist d&d girl but once she mentioned open relationships and I said that its not cool and its not loyal and she said that im a bad person and I don't deserve to have a boyfriend because I dont understand relationships.
I tried to make friends with a girl online through my gaming group and she just sent me floods of information about her mental health and her relationship and I really just didn't ask for it and it made me feel really upset and I honestly didn't know what to do.
So I don't know what to do but I seem to have really intense conversations with girls my age and it's just a bit too much for me. I don't even go to church, I just livestream watch it on youtube and pray every day but even the girls at church discuss their lives and its just way too much for me and I don't enjoy the intensity of it. Maybe I just have high standards but I don't even know what standards I put on people, I just don't enjoy what's happening.
No. 263860
>>263855I appreciate your advice and thank you for taking the time to think about my issue. I believe my mum has been the nicest person to me through my whole life, I usually cry along but she tends to listen to my problems over tea or lunch and I do appreciate her advice. I don't actually go to my gamer friends for advice at all because in my mind, I don't actually want advice in the first place I just want to enjoy my time here.
I think your response to me is coming from a place of not knowing who I am so I understand if I come off naive or something of that same calibre.
No. 263865
>>263860*cry alone
I meant to say, not along lol
No. 263867
>>263857>normal preteen girl wants to discuss her normal preteen crushes>expects her friend to at care since they're friends>anon thinks it's emotional dumping and too intenseThe libfem was a bitch though, if it actually went down like that.
>she tends to listen to my problems over tea or lunch and I do appreciate her adviceSo put yourself in the shoes of another person, you can clearly appreciate someone being there for you and listening to your bs, but when they ask the same in return it's too much?
No. 263876
>>263874So you never listen to your mother? And your male friend's issues are somehow
valid but women's aren't?.. Isn't losing someone more intense than sex or crushes, though?
No. 263877
>>263868That you don't even go to church makes it just worse that you're so obsessed with your morals and enjoy judging others. If's fine if you break rules left and right, but when your nonreligious friends don't follow your morals, you get to judge?
>>263875Yeah seems typical. You like to dish it out, but you can't take any criticism yourself.
No. 263880
>>263877She probably does everything and anything sinful with her boyfriend but bashes other women for doing so, kek.
She's just a basic pickme and didn't like it when she didn't get coddled for shitting on women while putting random men on pedestal. Imagine caring about random men's issues more than your mother's. She unironically is more of a whore than the hypersexual friend.
No. 263897
I don't wanna read through this whole infight but
I wonder if this is the same anon from the vent thread a few months back, who posted about how she got raped by a woman (which is obviously horrible, not doubting that) and now she hates all lesbians and bisexuals BUT that she expects support from them? It read as bait-y to me because she then proceeded to go to the lesbian thread (and maybe even the bi thread) to fight with them. anyway, sorry for the tonfoil. It just seemed familiar.
>>263896Sorry anon, reposted!
No. 263912
>>263904Didn't you already get banned gor samefagging at
>>263884 and
>>263879 and
>>263883Why do you keep coming here, samefagging and acting like you totally didn't dunk on every woman in your life, even the ones here who tried to give you advices?
No. 264053
How to meet new people? I had the same group of friends for 10+ years (small town), and I'm still close to them, we love each other, blah blah, but I want to meet new people! Thing is, I don't go to parties, and when I socialize with my friends we go to zoo, parks, restaurants, cinema, second hand shops, we watch movies, play games, all activities that don't involve meeting other people. I've tried to meet women through games (like FFXIV) and they were fun but I'm not interested in online friendship.
No. 264056
>>264050I think that depends on what kind of learner you are. Visual, audio, kinesthetic, etc. You can find personality tests for that online and other articles to help you figure out which you are. They usually have suggestions on the best ways to learn for each type.
Going to classes gives you the chance to socialise and holds you more accountable to actually attend and learn. If you're self disciplined (or learning the skill is not crucial) then you should be fine learning by yourself at home.
In classes you're also at the mercy of the teacher's pace, which for me has always been super boring because I learn fast and want to speed up. If you can find a course that suits your knowledge level, you might not have this issue.
Also keep in mind any materials you need for your new venture. For example painting classes might provide the art supplies (read the fine print), but if you are self-taught those supplies will be self-bought.
>>264030You don't have to sage in /g/ /ot/ or /m/. Weirdly hostile for a newfag.
No. 264620
File: 1652813487104.jpg (162.74 KB, 533x470, Gattooo.jpg)
I've been accepted into a good university, on a course I love in a country I'd love to study in but I don't know if I should accept it and go. It's a 4 year course and it would mean I wouldn't be able to see my family more than once a year if that. I studied in my home country for a while but my lecturers were awful and I didn't adapt well. I visited this country and fell in love. I've been offered a scholarship, but another reason I am hesitant is due to money. I am able to pay and my mother has offered to help but I don't want to burden her. My mother isn't overtly affectionate and we have had our differences, but I do love her dearly. I felt sad when I was living at home with her but it is by no means a chaotic household.
I feel like if I accept, I might end up homesick or become a financial burden but on the other hand I feel like if I don't go, I'll be missing out on a great experience. The course I have been accepted into is also one where it's best to study in said country as they pioneer in that field.
No. 264762
WARNING long rambling pathetic sperg out.
I feel like I am too broken to fix. I don't know who to go to, or what to do. I need an adult to help me - but I am an adult.
I have severe social problems. I never - not even as a toddler - was able to be a child. I was severely punished for any childlike behavior. I had to act like an adult. But a child can only do that superficially - they can only act like an adult and can't really be one on the inside. But that's the best I could do then. I acted like an adult, and acted, and acted, and acted. I'm still acting. I feel like I'm waiting to be allowed to drop the act.
So I have had all my life skills since I was extremely young. And I am still on top of these things today. I can follow a routine very easily, and I do. So on the outside I appear to have few problems.
But I completely failed to develop. I kept a diary at age 8 and I very literally have not emotionally, socially, or sexually progressed since that diary. I basically never learned to socialize. I never developed normal sexual or romantic interests. I haven't been able to relate to my peers since middle school because they all grew up and I didn't. I need someone I can go to for comfort, but I don't know how to make someone love me, and I need to be loved to be comforted.
Today at work I left for 5 minutes to lock myself in the bathroom and just fell to the floor and curled up and started crying for mom. I just kept thinking "I want mom, I want mom." I just want someone who loves me to come help me, but - objectively - nobody loves me. Nobody is coming to help unless I pay them a hundred bucks for an hour. I basically pay my therapist to pretend she loves me once a week. One hour a week, out my paycheck, I get "mom."
I already have a job, am in school, live on my own, exercise regularly, and am at a healthy BMI, so the immediate suggestions (get a job, move out, take care of yourself, etc) are already taken care of.
I just don't know what to do anymore.
No. 264783
my grandma thought it was okay to tell me what sex, rape, pedophilia, masturbation, etc. was when i was like 5 years old.
she told me, because she thought i was smart enough. i kept trying to convince her to teach me what they mean because i wanted to be smarter and grown up and my parents wouldn't tell me. all it took was one conversation. i am just finding out that this actually harmed me and can be considered child abuse.
there were other instances of child neglect from her such as letting me get severe sunburns, and forgetting to feed me properly.
i feel responsible and ashamed that this traumatized me. i got false memories and night terrors for years after, severe anxiety and self harming and hypersexual behaviours. i know i was only 5 years old but i still cringe and feel embarrassed. why? i don't know what to do, i don't want to talk to my grandma, but what if she is just stupid and really did not mean any harm? what if she dies soon and i regret not talking to her? i don't know, when i talk to her she only whines and cries, and it wears me down.
No. 264812
>>264810How do you know you're not depressed?
>I have no energy and no motivation to do anything.This isn't normal/healthy.
No. 264815
>>264810Hey, I'm also 19 and struggling to get past that mindset. I'm also a NEET because I dropped out of my career and still haven't got a job.
First of all, I wouldn't be so sure you're not depressed, like the anon above said, maybe you could talk to a therapist.
Second of all, I'd try to stay away from social media and "dopamine rushes", you'll feel bored and borderline dead but it's necessary. Maybe you are depressed or maybe you are like me, and your brain is just fucked up from easy and extremely enjoyable distractions. This thing is also known as "dopamine detox". In the mean time, I'd recommend spending time outdoors. If you have a park near you, maybe you can go for a walk, or if it's too much, you can just sit there and enjoy the weather. Being in nature grounds you and will probably lift your mood.
When you're feeling better, start with the simple tasks (showering, cleaning your room, opening the windows, cooking something). Repeat as necessary and progress.
As for motivation, you don't deserve to be bullied, but imagine how satisfactory it is to be autonomous, to learn something and then execute it correctly, to do your own thing. Doing shit for yourself gives you freedom and self-esteem. We, as humans, were made to do things, not simply consume and lay down. I believe in you
nonnie, keep realistic expectations and open up to the world. It's less difficult and harsh than what we imagine
No. 264833
>>264778Thanks for the book recommendation. I appreciate your advice a lot. I'll look into the book.
I've been recommended two books in the past (when I made a post about this on a different site): Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, and the Pete Walker book about CPTSD. I didn't find the first one helpful because it seemed to take for granted that you were able to form social and romantic relationships, and I also don't think my parents were immature. The second one was somewhat helpful.
I'll look into the thread about mother wounds as well. Thanks.
No. 264844
>>264818>How the fuck do I accept another person's opinion that's different from my own? This is a basic, broad concept. My general advice would be to try to put yourself in the other person's place and understand their reasoning. Acceptance is acknowledging the fact while holding your own opinion still. I would tell myself I cannot directly control other people's beliefs, only influence, and that is limited. Humans are social animals and are influenced by broader society, social network, and emotions.
>it legit makes me angry when someone believes in pseudoscience or says something about a topic that they don't know anything aboutReligious and spiritual advice and beliefs are often irritating to hear as a nonbeliever, remember they mean well and are operating in the frameworks they know. Remind yourself getting annoyed is understandable, but you can acknowledge it is frustrating while remaining detached.
No. 264864
>>264818As someone who used to struggle with anger issues in general and fly into stupid rages and break shit over miniscule nothings, just try to gradually control your thoughts. It sucks to hear but it's the only way. You'll eventually get to the point where you can dismiss your frustration and move on quickly.
Finding everything farcical and hilarious helped me. Isn't it kind of goofy when people believe in nonsense? Flipping anger-inducing scenarios into funny ones helps transition to the dismissal stage. Don't take anything too seriously.
No. 264946
>>263579Hi
nonnie, this is late but I really relate to your post. I was in extreme mental burnout the last couple years as I literally hadn't caught a break since I hit puberty. Lots of trauma,
abusive relationships, etc. I've been seeing a therapist in the last year and a half and she's really helped me work through a lot of those processes.
One thing we spoke about is allowing yourself to just……exist. You've been in survival mode so long your body and brain chemicals are whack. And you're going to hate me for this, but the one most important thing you need is time. Those sensations you've lost are only going to come back with time and taking care of yourself. It's ok to take it slow, and worrying/feeling frustrated with the way your body is working right now is only going to prolong your healing. Meditating, yoga, things of that nature are ways to get in touch with your body again. But ultimately you just need time to heal your body and mind. I'd recommend seeing a therapist if it's possible for you in order to work through some of the feelings that came up in that stressful period. Good luck, and I know you'll make it out ok!
No. 265454
File: 1653158139998.jpg (335.93 KB, 1074x767, Cat.jpg)
My boyfriend recently opened up to me about his ex girlfriend's home life. She very rarely comes up in conversation, but when she does, it boils down to us poking fun at her and how little respect she had for herself or her home. From what him and his friends describe, she was very selfish and self centered. She had manipulated, lied and used him. She left him for someone she had been interested in while they were dating. She had also filed for unemployment benefits in order to buy herself a car and had her mother take out a title loan so that she could go on a school trip. Just not a nice person.
We were talking about an exchange program at his school where one of the students went to stay with his ex. They hated it so much there, they ignored her and befriended a girl from a family who lived in a nicer home. Apparently she overheard the exchange students joking about how she (the student), "pulled the short straw" with his ex as her home was horrible and her parents couldn't afford to do much with them. He then told me about her step dad who was an abusive alcoholic. The house they lived in stunk of cat piss and smoke, it was messy and falling apart. He would shout at his wife, his step daughters and even her friends. He told me about how he would pace around the house with all the tvs on full blast while drinking beer. My boyfriend was studying with his gf at the time in her room, he turned down the volume and he stormed into her room, demanding she never touches the tv. My boyfriend explained it was him, when the step dad gets inches away from his face and screams at him hurling abuse. Even when he re-enacted the scene I was shocked. The wife had to pull her husband off of him and apologise.
He had mentioned before he stayed with her out of fear and pity. I didn't believe this because she was in all the dance and theatre clubs at his school and is currently studying drama at college. I assumed you would need to be confident and spoiled in order to live that life. I now feel I understand why he felt that way and feel pretty terrible for the horrible things we joked about and the nasty things I said. It seems that she was trying to escape her home life and create something better for herself. I made a horrible comment at one point about their family's financial situation a while ago and now I feel awful for her family. I feel i've realised I dislike her out of pure jealousy and I've overstepped many boundaries by poking fun at her. I would even get upset when my boyfriend didn't join in with the comments we would make. He doesn't like her, but he would only ever criticise her for her own actions; not those of her family or home life which I feel I did.
I've never met her, and I doubt I will in the future, but I do want to get over the spiteful attitude I've built up over this girl. I feel guilty for the way I've spoken of her. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to get over this sense of jealousy but also superiority.
No. 265472
>>265454I was with a guy before who told me he thought his ex had bpd. That she was unstable and would get drunk and be all aggressive with him and scream and fight. That she was a bad person because of 'x y and z examples' He brought up her emotional instability more often than seemed normal to me but I just bit my tongue and listened without joining in because I don't know this woman. Then one day we're out for dinner somewhere and she comes up in conversation for the millionth time. He tells me she suffered the most horrific childhood sexual abuse at the hands of her own father who is locked up for it. He talks about a suicide attempt she made while they were dating. A very serious attempt. It's a miracle this woman is still alive. After that I shut him down every time he randomly started bringing her up again. I could not stomach the fact that he'd been badmouthing her to me all that time and how overly petty and harsh it seemed now with that added context. Later on I moved in with this guy and only then I started to get
abusive treatment from him… it was pretty bad by the end but I'm determined not to talk too much shit about him to my next partner.
I wish I had listened to my gut telling me.. how your partner talks about his exes.. is how he'll treat you one day too. If someone can let go and be kind or not dwell too much that's a good thing. Just try to remember that rule, a man who thrashes all his exes and calls them names will only do the same to you too someday. Never play into a man doing that
toxic shit, never encourage it or lead them. It only bites you in the ass.
No. 265482
>>265472Thanks for the reply. I'm sorry to hear that was how she was treated and I hope she is doing better now. I am also sorry to hear about your situation with him. Sending you both nothing but the best.
The most my boyfriend would ever really say about her was that she was untidy and he was very upset to hear she had filed for unemployment and used that money to buy a car while her mother worked 2 jobs. He would never mock her homelife, he would never mention anything of the like. The things he would joke about would be times when he was foolish enough to clean up after her or when she was rude to his family. He's very rational and calm.
I would join in with the jokes his friends would make about her. I would get a bit annoyed when they would make fun of her and he wouldn't join in. I wondered if he was in defense of her. It only now clicks with me how he feels. I really regret the things I thought and said of this girl now I know of her homelife.
My boyfriend was the kind one in this situation. I was the one that bad mouthed this girl who has virtually nothing to her name, who never met her father and lives in a horrible household. I want to apologise to him about the things I said about her. I want to get over my own sense of spite.
No. 265484
>>265454A lot of these situations arise from a lack of empathy and understanding for how abuse can affect deeply affect someone. People who have had relatively stable lives without a lot of traumatic events will never know what it’s like and have a typically very rigid idea of that if they were in a similar position they would never act like that, which is simply not true. People who are continually being hurt will usually lash out in one of way or another. It’s why abuse is a cycle.
I commend you for having empathy for her after learning more about why the way she is. I also think it’s a good lesson I’m not judging out appearances too harshly. Your ex has a right to be upset for how she treated him, but punching down on the aspects that were caused by the abuse isn’t helpful. I would encourage you to shut down these conversations next time they happen.
Comparing yourself to your current partners ex isn’t healthy and typically boils down to a self esteem issue that has nothing to do with your boyfriend or his ex. I used to do this quite often and I spent a lot of time analyzing the relationship and pitting myself against a stranger while not even enjoying the person I was with fully. Trying to convince him and myself that I was ”better” than some ex really was just me trying to overcompensate for my actual feelings which were really feeling like I didn’t actually deserve a good relationship. Comparison to exes is inevitable occasionally but I would really do some self reflection as to why you would feel inferior to someone that is not in your current partners life anymore. I think you’re on the right path if you’re able to lend this woman some empathy despite your past views on her. Good luck anon.
No. 265491
>>265469Thank you so much for your advice, anon. I do have clothes and can manage minimal makeup and your advice about hair will hopefully make it all mesh together.
>>265474>>265478I sometimes wear a light layer of bb cream and don't think it'd cause much issue as my skin isn't that sensitive anymore but thank you for the warning, anon. I do dislike thick foundation for everyday use because it makes skin texture look more obvious and blends in my features though.
No. 265625
File: 1653246743535.jpeg (29.11 KB, 564x317, 2506fba2dd0f517c4756c5e1e6b346…)
Is there anything I can do about embarrassing memories? Lately I've been reading a book about CBT, and it's been insightful, but reading it makes me remember how embarrassing and immature I was years ago. I keep remembering all the embarrassing shit I posted online, and even though I no longer have any social media, I'm overwhelmed by how goddamn embarrassing and stupid I was in the past.
I don't think I can completely banish embarrassing memories from my head. I'm wondering if there's a method or a mantra I could use to accept the embarrassment for what it is and move on.
No. 265627
>>265625Maybe try and forgive your younger self for being a dumbass just try and reason it out like I was literally more immature and it's normal to do stupid shit especially when you are young and still figuring yourself and the world out?
I find as I get older memories that gave me strong negative emotions in the past, the emotions fade the older I get and the more times I recall them.
I have told people about stupid embarrassing shit I did when I was younger and laugh about it, I feel that helped me reduce the negative emotions associated with such memories too.
If it continues to really upset you, you could try EMDR therapy.
I'm doing it this now so can't speak for personally how well it's worked but it's meant to help you process traumatic memories.
No. 265663
>>265657Maybe not the best example as the bathtub story is the
only thing people remember about Taft kek
No. 265928
>>265445I would ask this in the fashion thread
nonny it's probably going to be more fruitful
No. 265930
>>265655NYART, but this seriously touched me,
nonnie. Screencaptured and saved, this is excellent.
No. 266064
File: 1653421676725.jpg (54.5 KB, 976x549, _100893887_1921meme.jpg)
How do I become more comfortable with taking photos of myself? I haven't taken a pic of myself in years and I generally avoid groups if people want to take pictures. I don't even think I'm really ugly I just hate looking at myself
No. 266159
File: 1653467302774.jpeg (59.23 KB, 659x616, 3D05FC85-49BB-4769-82A6-6DE0A5…)
I’m sitting here in complete shock and I don’t know what to even do. My sisters fiancé had a sudden cardiac arrest and flatlined. He had an undiagnosed heart defect. They revived him but it looks like he’s not gonna make it.
I don’t even know what to say. How am I gonna get my sister through this? They were going to get married in a few months. We loved him like he was our own blood. How do you help someone through the sudden loss of a healthy 32 year old man?? This is going to destroy my sister and I don’t have any idea how or if I’m gonna be able to help her get through this. He’s such a great person and she’s not going to find another man like him. I think this is going to destroy our family.
No. 266162
>>266159i'm so sorry for your loss.
anon it's gonna be hard but with time and patience, you will all get through this. she'll never truly get over it but it will get easier to live without him, little by little, even if it will always be painful.
you're probably going to argue and have issues dealing with each other but it's an unfortunate part of the grieving process. just make sure you're always there for each other.
sorry if this isn't very articulate. death is hard to talk about.
No. 266163
>>266162It’s fine I appreciate it
nonnie It’s just so unbelievably hard. We lost our dad in 2007, our mom isn’t going to live past a few more years, and it’s just going to be us three broken siblings. It’s just not fair and we’ve been through so much already. I know life isn’t fair but fuck. I just wish we could catch a break.
No. 266173
>>266159I can't even imagine the grief you must be feeling right now
nonnie. Please remember through all you're about to go through and through all you're going to support your sister through, to take time for yourself. You're grieving a loss too, and it's going to take some time to process all of this.
Are you seeing a therapist? Is she? If you're not seeing one already, I recommend chatting with a professional, even if it's just to have someone to talk to that's removed from the situation. Having a solid support network outside of this traumatic event is imperative.
Good luck, and I'm so sorry for your loss.
No. 266324
>>266314This is very sweet of you but I don't think you're in the position to help with that unfortunately since you live too far away.
When friends helped me quit my addiction, they said "I'm here for you, we can go to X (place I like) and do Y (thing I like), just us enjoying it without substances". They need to be there to offer you something as a substitute, to help you organize your substance-free days and get through them. I really don't see how you can do that from another city.
No. 266339
>>266300I was like this a few years ago. One month I walked into a womens clinic and I cried as I sat in the waiting room. I could not stop crying even in public, I was desperate. I thought that it being a womens health clinic they'd have more insight or more to say on it but they prescibed me the pill and didn't offer much advice outside of 'try this' I took the pill for a while and it was the worst thing I could've done. My one week of suicidal thoughts was extended to a whole month of straight up feeling unsafe when left alone with my thoughts. There was no downtime or relief. I went back off the pill and was stressed that I didn't have money to be wasting on appts that offered little help. I went to a regular doctor to maybe get an ssri instead. IME the moment you mention it being tied to hormones docs don't take you seriously. You might have to really be persistant before they listen or you might just want to leave out the cycle part and seek help for more general depression if it means you'll be treated.
I went on something like lexapro or cipramil and it took some edge off. It then passed in time and I slowly weaned off the meds. Looking back I've always been prone to depression already, that and I was in an unhappy/
abusive relationship att but was essentially in denial about that. I removed myself from the bad relationship/living situation and I moved somewhere nicer. I don't know how much that played a role in helping. I suspect hormones were just the tipping point when I had underlying stressors. I still get slightly low or tearful every month but nowhere near the same extent as before.
We have a PMDD thread, not the most active thread but might be worth reading
>>>/g/174083 No. 266391
>>266339>I took the pill for a while and it was the worst thing I could've doneFuck this makes me worried because I started taking it a few days ago precisely because I want to see if it will get better
>>266332Thanks for the info!
>>266334Not saying that it wouldn't work, but what exactly is in meat that would make the mood swings worse?
No. 266461
>>266391>what exactly is in meat that would make the mood swings worse?I have no idea, I just know it works. I discovered it by accident.
>worse I have no mood swings at all when I don't eat meat.
No. 266546
This might be kind of dramatic, but my apartment has a gym, I love the convenience and it’s really nice… but there’s a guy who has started coming at the same time I do who will genuinely just moan his way through every workout. Fine, whatever, it’s not a Planet Fitness where there’s a “NO JEANS, NO ‘ROIDS AND ABSOLUTELY NO GRUNTING!” poster every five feet, but I’ve noticed something— When I go with my bf, or if there’s another man already there, he’s relatively quiet, but last night it was me, him, and another woman in there and he was genuinely sounding like Adam in any sex scene of his in Girls (the HBO show) and it just kept getting more and more loud and ridiculous.
Mind you, he wasn’t lifting extremely heavy weights or doing anything that strenuous, and he is pretty obviously in at least decent shape, not a “gym bro”, but clearly not unwell. I’m not a bodybuilder by any means, but doing lunges with a set of 15 lb barbells, like he does, generally does not coerce so much as a deep sigh out of me. He also will finish a set, then “walk it off” aka pace around and linger by you. This isn’t like a sad little hotel gym with 2 treadmills and a couple dumbbells either, like there’s more than enough room and stations for this to not happen.
Inb4 “oh just ignore it”— I wear noise cancelling earbuds, keep my music at max volume, and it’s still audible. Also, that seems to make it worse. Most of the time, if another girl comes in, she’ll do her thing for like 5 minutes before getting visibly annoyed and leaving. The other woman in there last night was viscerally uncomfortable (we both kept giving each other the “what the fuck” look) but we both seemed to just do our best to ignore him, but he kept fucking ramping it up with the obnoxious moans and panting, regularly looking up to see if we’d pay attention. Eventually he was “walking it off” and came right up next to me, close enough to feel his breath and I just, without looking at him, muttered “are you serious?” and grabbed my shit and left. Maybe unwarranted, but I was pissed.
Part of me wants to leave a note on the door tonight before I know he’d be there but I don’t want to be that passive aggressive. I feel like emailing management is also obnoxious. My boyfriend said next time I go alone, to just text him and he’ll come say something if he’s there being a freak again, but that feels entirely too much. I know it’s a pretty minor inconvenience, but seeing it make other women uncomfortable too, to the point that they’re up and leaving most of the time is what really bugs me. I want to address it, I just don’t want to be a busybody about it, ya know?
No. 266556
>>266554Ok now I feel dumb for not doing that in the first place because there
are cameras in the gym but I wasn’t sure if they picked up sound, that’s a good idea.
No. 266569
>>266562>Should I open a new secret bank account that she doesn't have access to?Yes what the fuck, it's insane that she'd have access to any of your accounts at all. And cut up your credit card so you don't get deeper in debt.
How sure are you that she'd kick you out as opposed to just throw a tantrum and threaten you? I think it's worth refusing just to call her bluff. If it turns out she's really gonna kick you out then you can start paying for shit again I guess but you should still try to set boundaries.
No. 266661
>>266562If the thing she's holding over you is kicking you out (and the reason she feels entitled to treat you like a kid or to take from you is likely you still living at home too) you should look into options for getting out on your own and cutting all ties in terms of finances or relying on her to co-sign anything. I don't know if you can access a form of reduced or assisted housing or even go into some debt for it and worry about the repayments later but to be out from under a parent like this its often worth taking that hit.
It's harsh in a way but accepting free board from a someone, even a parent once you're an adult can lead to this bs. Bit different but I was in a relationship years ago where I lived with a guy who didn't ask me to pay rent. He would hold that 'power to kick me out' over me from time to time to get his way or he'd hit me up for money sporadically with no warning sometime leaving me short of money for small things like toiletries. I eventually realised you can't 'take' from people like that without paying them back somehow. The only escape is to stop taking and you'll break the cycle of them feeling owed.
No. 266687
>>266650I'm exactly the same. I am so scattered brained, it's so frustrating.
>>266664Would it be ADHD if I was normal as a kid? As far as I remember, at least.
No. 266712
>>266702Yes I have it. I love my bf of many years a lot and I still have it. Someone once told me it's because women are inherently innocent and sex for pleasure is not really in built for us.
They may be right or wrong but I did think about this for a while. I do think sex is very primal and it satisfies the body but I'm very emotional and in my head a lot so sex for me doesn't do much. I do enioy it I suppose but I don't find it as a build to my character and sometimes I feel dirty for ages. Not abused or anything like that I should say, I just feel as though sex is not as a necessity as society makes it out to be. Just my 2 cents.
No. 266713
>>266702I've had very sexually active phases before followed by long phases of no sex, like years of no sex after phases of having fwbs. For every period of time where I could've been judged as being a whore.. there was equally a long sexless period too. I cant decide if I'm frigid or a whore. Which should define me? lol
But if you at all think the feeling of regret runs deeper than 'people would judge me' maybe listen to the feeling. All depends on what you think is causing it though. Do you have underlying issues with the guys or do you think it's a more general feeling that women are damned if we do and damned if we don't? Tbh sometimes the shit anons say on here will feed into that worry if you're already feeling a certain way. Be mindful of that.
No. 267488
>>266712I know this is old but sex for pleasure is 100% built in for us and technically only us considering we have the only non-reproductive sensitive genitalia???
You don’t have to be religious or abused to have sexual suppression when the anti female sexuality culture is part of secular society. Feeling dirty because of sex is literally that, no offence.
Women are not brought up seeing sexualised images and narratives of men, female children internalise slut shaming early on and it’s standard fare for women to interact with your own sexuality as a character in a performance for males. This isn’t any more innate than “Lie back and think of England” messaging. Damn.
You need to spend some time touching your entire body and masterbating alone while thinking of pleasant possibly non sexual things and comfortably joking through your thoughts. That might help you begin to experience sexual pleasure as it is, devoid of gift giving trade offs and romantic depersonalisation.
>>266702Anon, remember that the idea of you being bad for having sex only exists as your own opinion. The person you had sex with doesn’t feel that way and you know you are regurgitating propaganda designed to make you marry some crazy amish man, so it isn’t true and literally doesn’t exist.
You have one life and were lucky enough to be born in such an amazing female body, understand that you’re a human being born to enjoy yourself and there really are no other rules. You can definitely get over it. Think of the people overcome by such brainwashing that they died never being able to enjoy their bodies so easily. Feeling like a whore is basically envying those mistreated women and designating yourself to a christian harem where you owe your virginity to Father Grumpkin Jeddediah and have betrayed him or something.
No. 267575
>>267489>I think you’re account will look really intimate or that you don’t use it much and aren’t trying to be an influencer, which is refreshing.I hadn't thought of that, thank you so much for you input. I'll proceed to not give a fuck!
>>267490I'm glad to hear you've never had any problems. I'm realizing again I keep overthinking over the smallest shit… And thank you so much! I hope it goes well.
No. 268198
File: 1654416384419.jpg (503.53 KB, 614x856, 9752.jpg)
How do I work on coming across more confident?
I constantly self sabotage myself by appearing uncertain. Even if I'm 100% certain about something (my abilities, something I have read somewhere, etc), people don't believe me and doubt what I say. This has affected me both in my personal and my professional life
No. 268264
>>268198You can also work on your posture. Try to walk with a straight back, shoulders relaxed and pushed back a bit, neck extended and your chin up. Try to look at people in the eyes, even if it feels weird at first. Don't hesitate to take your time to answer, you're allowed to think before you say anything. Avoid speaking too fast, and speaking in a low and deeper voice might also help.
In short, pretend you are a dignified wise old woman that has the final say on everything.
No. 268489
File: 1654519113026.jpg (496.16 KB, 1078x756, j15oTHu.jpg)
How can I stop being a contrarian?
I feel like my opinions can swing wildly and I find myself arguing for something I might not really support that much if I feel like someone is misrepresenting or misunderstands that thing or if someone is overly supportive of something I feel a huge urge to but in and tell them why something isn't perfect.
It's exhausting and I want to stop I think it drives people away from me.
No. 268507
>>268489Ask yourself where that behaviour comes from. Were you raised to believe people only listen to you when you're disagreeing? Or did you/your family suffer negative consequences from idealism and believing in unexamined truths?
Once you know the source, you can talk or journal about different ways to process and deal with that history, and start imagining yourself as a more sympathetic person who people enjoy being around
No. 268511
>>257551How do you stop being disgusted with family. I want to go no contact but I've never done it before. There are things I don't know how to forgive then for the older I get the harder it is, to not see how
toxic they are. I have no friends anymore they all went their separate ways, or became so busy we drifted apart.
But I don't care I really want to stop ultimately feeling awful as a result of trying to get along with my family. I have no support network. I'm so furious at them more and more older I get. Ideally I want to permanently erase them from my mind.
No. 268681
File: 1654582881215.jpg (90.77 KB, 786x1050, s5hxgflsgfe41.jpg)
>>268621You mean like a helix piercing? One week is nothing in terms of healing ime. They take forever to heal, mine took probably 5 or 6 months to stop hurting enough to sleep on them. Try resting your head on top of one of those neck pillows, lay your head so that your ear is resting in the middle of the opening of the neck pillow. See the queen in picrel for an example
No. 268918
File: 1654665235495.jpg (54.37 KB, 485x600, the-little-mermaid-dissolving-…)
How do I became a more cheerful person if my default mood is sadness?
I am not depressed or anything like that, I just noticed in myself that I'm drawn to sad, dark movies, tend to notice negative things first in everything and tend to complain a lot. Also, this was brought to my attention by a friend, I don't think I would have noticed it if she doesn't mention it. It was genuinely surprising to me when I noticed that I feel neutral about things that makes most people uncomfortable (death, depression, suicide, etc)
No. 269023
File: 1654709098813.jpg (37.75 KB, 400x587, Hide the Body - Kelly image - …)
How can I overcome my ridiculous, childish-level fear of intimacy?
I started dating much later than other people because of said fear and even when dating I just couldn't tell about it to anyone because it feels like telling someone you're dating is a super vulnerable position and would be like giving ammunition to others to shoot you. I've recently told a family member I'm seeing someone and she became super excited because I never told her anything about this area of my life. But then in another, later conversation she mentioned an art installation and asked me if I feel like going to it with 'my boyfriend'. And there, at that moment, I felt like as if someone had slapped me and I lost it. I started crying and told her that he is not my boyfriend, it means nothing at all, and I could break up with him at this very moment. Then I slammed the phone on her.
Looking back I know it's ridiculous and I behaved like a fucking child but I felt betrayed and humiliated. My therapist comforted me and told me that it's perfectly reasonable to not talk about my relationships to anyone but it's just the fact that doing the opposite makes me feel and behave this extreme way is what bothers me.
No. 269126
File: 1654749651182.gif (1017.19 KB, 540x304, over it.gif)
how do i cope with spending my birthday alone, for yet another year?
i feel deeply embarrassed to admit that im sobbing as i write this but i spent my last birthday inpatient, alone, in a cold bedroom that resembled a cell, surrounded by severely mentally ill folk (traumatizing to say the least)
and this year, im in a completely new city with zero friends or family to socialize or gather with. im very shy and suffer with social anxiety due to prolonged isolation which led to two recently failed acquaintanceships and made me want to just quit trying.
>older TiM borderline trying to groom me
>gay narc moid who makes everything about himself, his sex life, and of course just sex in general.
i feel like such a failure as most people my age have hyper-active social lives and celebrate their birthdays with joy and extravagance. cake, blowing out candles, a few drinks, pictures, just a nice night out.
any advice is appreciated and much love nonas
No. 269131
File: 1654752493287.jpg (109.6 KB, 1200x1155, 7ff53b5888c345e428f6e77767e5ca…)
>>269126Happy birthday
nonny! There are many ways to celebrate your birthday- and going out and having an extravagant event is only one of them. I think there are more people than you think who are very lowkey about their birthday or don't celebrate it at all. Of course the people who talk about celebrating their birthday are the people who make a big deal out of it, so it seems like everyone is out there having a huge social life when that isn't exactly true. In my experience, even my friends who do have huge dinners or things for their birthdays don't do it every year. Some birthdays are more lowkey than others, but again it just seems like everyone does a big thing for their birthday because that's the only time they'll post/talk about it.
I hope you can still fill that day with all of your favorite things and celebrate yourself. Watch your favorite movie or TV show, listen to your favorite album, or maybe order a pizza/make your favorite meal and get yourself a cake or a small gift as a treat. What's important is that you're celebrating you! It sounds like you've already made a lot of progress this year so please don't think of yourself as a failure. To go from an inpatient unit to living on your own in a city is a big accomplishment. You should be proud of yourself for making such a big transition and of course things (like friends, social life) won't fall into place immediately. It's all about baby steps. I also moved to a city by myself a little while ago and from the first year I was still pretty alone. It takes time to build a network so cut yourself some slack if you don't feel completely settled in yet. In the mean time, I hope you can be kind to yourself! You sound like you've made a lot of effort this year and that really counts for something anon.
No. 269141
File: 1654754869323.jpeg (77.79 KB, 637x900, FBF494A6-C5FE-4673-AA2F-70CB5E…)
>>269126happy birthday
nonnie! i agree with what
>>269131 said. i'm 21 now and since my 15th birthday i've spent them alone. it can seem painful at first sure, but there's no shame in just buying yourself something nice to eat or a gift you've been wanting for a while and having that be it. in my mind there's really no need to spend your special day with people you really are not that close with. just focus on yourself. if you have the money for it, splurge nonna.
No. 269149
>>269126Happy birthday, nonna! Listen, you're doing better than you were doing last year, and that's what matters! I bet, had you been inpatient this year, too, you would've felt significantly worse, and I would also bet you promised yourself that would be the last birthday you ever spent inpatient, so congratulations for sticking to your goal and reaching it!
As for suggestions, try going to a park to read a book (that's what I would do - I spent my last birthday alone, too). Or try to go to a cafe to read a book, stay on your laptop, read a magazine… Find a secluded spot, where you're somehow surrounded by people, but not having to interact with them. Buy something delicious to eat or drink. Do a yoga flow, an easy one, do some abs, some push-ups - I find that helps me a lot with trying take control back over my life. Again, happy birthday, and good luck!
No. 269169
>>269126i feel you
nonnie. i hate thinking about my birthday every year, it feels so humiliating. i don't have advice but know you're not alone in this.
No. 269190
File: 1654782329478.gif (501.92 KB, 500x281, tumblr_m92kwa2quZ1ro6cyvo1_500…)
why do people literally, physically turn their back to me, or walk away from me? am i hallucinating this? i have severe sleep problems, so, it is possible. or is this normal in some cultures? i don't express anything weird, i am just trying to make small talk, ask people about their day and hobbies, i am trying to be polite, clean and friendly. i don't express anything extreme in real life or online, i have no reputation, i am completely new to this place.
this used to happen when i had sleep problems many years ago. people would just get up and leave when i talked to them??? i don't understand this. i never say anything offensive or weird. gifrel is dramatic but is basically how it feels
No. 269210
>>269200Why would you want to tell that: you want her to redo your hair? But how are you imagine this - since you didn’t even had a precise request to start with
Or you want a refund
Or you just want to express your feelings, that you didn’t like her view of “cute”
No. 269296
>>269241You didn't answer any of the questions that anon asked you. Think about what you actually want to get out of the situation. If all you want is to complain and express frustration to her then fine, tell her how you feel. Just understand that
>she doesn't know you or what you like >she didn't receive any guidance from you>you didn't offer enough feedback as it was happening to prevent this outcomeYou have every right to be upset and to complain but you need to seriously consider what you can realistically expect from this woman.
No. 269319
>>269200Most hairdressers do not like when someone gives them a super vague request and they have to go off very little to come up with something you would like.
Did you tell her you wanted a drastic change? Like a whole new hairstyle or just "a change" because she may not have even understood you were expecting a big difference from your normal hair.
No. 269379
File: 1654824365473.gif (3.79 MB, 498x427, hugs.gif)
>>269131>>269141>>269149>>269169>>269171>>269373ayrt, thank you nonas for the genuine, meaningful advice, i seriously appreciate it.
i struggle a lot with my self-esteem so it's not often that im reminded to treat myself. in some cases, ill even feel bad for doing so. will definitely splurge on myself this year! virtual hugs to you all!
No. 269642
I've just come to realize that I'm going to finish my degree next year, and that I'll probably end up friendless again because I'm studying in another city different from my hometown. That means I'm never going to hang out again with the group of friends I've made here.
I can't seem to make lasting friendships, I've cut contact with my childhood friends and whenever I meet new people over the internet I seem to click with, they always end up ghosting me. My relationship with them never lasts more than 6 months.
Tbh, I dont know what to do. I crave meeting new people, but I dont know how. Discord servers seem to be full of trannys, special snowflakes and minors. I feel like I'm too much of a weirdo to try meeting people through apps. It's like I'm stuck in this weird social limbo, incapable of fitting in. Today, I remembered the lolcow Friend Finder Thread, but I dont really know if any anons have found it useful…
Any advice? Any websites that have helped you connect with other people? Should I just try to forget about this?
I feel like, in the future, I'll end up become a full-time lolcow resident, kek. As much as I dont want to admit it, this place is the only website I always return to and feel comfortable with.
No. 269904
File: 1655024690637.gif (920.81 KB, 500x238, PUAca1cYgsS8UTKeLnd4rWcXuNllPr…)
Is it possible to "renegotiate" your relationship with a damaged parent instead of cutting them off?
I am coming to terms with being emotionally and physically neglected in my childhood (as well as sexual abuse that I thought wasn't that bad compared to other people's traumas).
But all resources about healing brand the parents as toxic, narcissistic etc and that doesn't really describe my mom. She has plenty of negative antisocial traits but I think she loves me as best she can, we have warm affectionate moments and she isn't a bitch 24/7. I also know she has a history of abuse and neglect too, and everything I'm learning about myself also applies to her.
She made my childhood an insecure scary experience, but I think she was numb and didn't know how to do better. She's not sadistic. I hope.
I think it's really hipocritical that these psychologists and authors say we need radical empathy for ourselves despite our flaws and mistakes, but at the same time our parents, who have the same or worse trauma, are lost causes who don't even deserve a phone call on Christmas.
My mom was abandoned by her parents and raised by an ill relative who couldn't provide for her. Yes, she did a bad job of raising her own kids, but the idea that she will be abandoned again because she's "not good enough" at skills she was never taught just breaks my heart.
On the other hand, I fantasize about her just magically exiting my life and it gives me such relief. I am independent but there is a constant chord of tension in my life ratcheting up to every weekly phone call with her. She exhausts me and makes me feel like shit most of the time I see her. Partly because she's negative and critical, but also because seeing her being so dysfunctional is stressful because I care about her.
Is my abandonment essentially her karma for not figuring out how to parent properly? I often think I just need to wait it out because she's old and who knows how much time she has left.
No. 269909
>>269642It's not as easy as dropping into a friend group while studying, but you can still do it. You'll likely find new friends when you get into the working world as well.
And as other anon said, meeting people irl is much better than finding them online. As an adult I've made close friends through work, casual sports leagues and hobbies like TTRPGs. I even met a good friend by walking my dog at the park. But you have to start seeing friendships as a garden to care for, rather than just a random thing that happens to you.
Problem with online friendships is it's the last resort for connection made by people with fewer social skills. They are usually very sensitive to rejection and things fizzle quickly if you don't have the same interest. Don't take it personally.
No. 269952
>>269642You just have to put yourself in social situations repeatedly. If you go to the gym or sign up for a fitness class you'll see the same people on specific days and eventually start talking to them. It's why the biggest advice you see online is to just go out and meet people. Even going to the same cafe at specific times means you're more likely to see the same people.
It's hard to do especially if you feel like you're too weird. I prefer group chats which is why the friend finder thread isn't really for me, I found a server via ovarit but they mostly just complain about gender politics. I think online friendships are fine but just like irl friendships you need more than just one thing to get along.
No. 269957
>>269904Anon, I think your on to something admirable.
You sound like you have a sense of compassion and empathy that surpasses the capacity of most.
It also Sounds that through your healing you developed into a person that understand the loop of trauma and it has made you into full person not guided by hurt.
Renegotiation sounds like a strong and powerful sense of breaking the cycle of intergenerational trauma.
I wish you all the boundaries and strength to follow through and have a meaningful relationship. She did her best and still sounds like she wants to try. Abandonment is a helluva drug.
No. 270171
>have nintendo switch
>originally bought for animal crossing when it first released but didn't enjoy it
>sits in bedroom gathering dust for two years
>fast forward to now
>21 year old cousin wants a "clean start" and moves in with us
>clearly anxious and bored all the time
>feel bad for him, offer up my switch but tell him to keep it upstairs in the living room
>he does so, for the most part, but asks me if he can take it to his room sometimes
>i usually say okay and tell him I appreciate him asking
>found out very recently that when I'm not home he takes it to his room anyways for hours on end
I feel retarded for being annoyed over this console situation. Although this guy is an adult, he has a lot of childish attributes (needs to constantly entertain himself, wants to go to vegas/buy an extremely expensive guitar/etc but doesn't even consider paying child support for his 1 year old, goes silent if he doesn't get his way, etc). And it's not like he's home alone either - my mom's here and she tells me he's always saying he'll help her out with chores but never follows through. Instead, he just plays on the switch in his bedroom all day. I'm thinking I'll have a talk with him, tell him I don't mind him using my switch, but explain WHY I have that 'living room only' rule (I don't want him thinking it's his and treating it like garbage) and tell him when I'm not around, to ask my mom about it. Thoughts? Is that sensible? Any idea how I can word my explanation better? My other idea was to just keep it locked up in my room while I'm gone, but that's just petty lol.
No. 270189
>>269904i don't have the answers but i just wanted to say i understand where you are coming from completely and i am in a very similar situation. my mother actually is a pretty typical narc but even past all of the terrible shit she has said and done to me i still can only see her as a sick person because of the horrendous trauma she's lived through. my partner says this is me being codependent or manipulated etc but i dont feel that way.
i find so much of the current literature surrounding dynamics with
toxic parents to be reductive and extreme. theres no variance or nuance, no taking into account different situations and how different people cope with issues in their life. you can go on subreddits and read articles but they all echo the same sentiment of basically hating the parent and detaching completely. for me, that doesn't feel right and (just like you!) i know she brings me stress and i would probably be relieved if i never had to speak with her again, but i dont think that is the right and healthy option for me. if she passed and i was no contact i feel like i'd regret it for the rest of my life.
i think your idea of combining empathy with boundaries is a good balance. don't let people online or irl convince you this is being weak or that you aren't doing enough. you seem incredibly well adjusted and like you've spent plenty of time reflecting on the situation and considering your options–follow your intuition. either way i am sorry you had to go through so much and felt unsafe throughout your early life. i wish you love and fulfillment and happiness and healing.
No. 270239
File: 1655185819768.jpg (307.88 KB, 1024x1280, Edmund_Dulac_-_The_Mermaid_-_T…)
How do I stop being envious and stop comparing myself to others? I swear, if I overcame these two habit, I'd be perfectly happy.
I'm one of those people who cannot go to Facebook or LinkedIn without getting a panic attack about how much better everyone's doing in their life and without spiraling into despair over all the opportunities I had but missed. My solution was/is to obviously avoid these sites but I feel like this is not the solution
No. 270278
>>270239I know exactly what kind of mindset you're talking about anon, went through the same thing in my childhood, nothing was ever enough, any hobby I picked up I had to compete and win for it to not be a waste of time, and I was constantly compared to my friends and classmates. It's all subtle but leaves you with a serious issues as an adult.
Getting better is going to be a long process. There are no shortcuts, as in "when you do X you'll stop feeling like this", we're talking about re-wiring your brain from something you were conditioned to think in your most important, formative years. I'm seeing a therapist (about this and few other things) and I definitely recommend that but a few general tips that can really help would be
1. Stop looking at facebook and linkedin, this is 100%
valid and helpful solution actually. And I mean it, block both if you have to, even if just temporarily, you'll most likely very soon see that you didn't need it at all in your life in the first place. If you need to stay in touch with people, you can use messenger separately from facebook. I'm sure you are aware that what you see on social media is just a tiny chunk of other people's lives, often embellished to make them seem happier and more successful than they actually are. I'm sure if you really tried just cherrypicking few things from your life and experience you could create a fake profile of a happy and accomplished person someone else would look at and be envious about as well. But that still leads us to:
2. Identify what exactly you're envious of and why. Let's say you see a person A who is an amazing and accomplished artist and person B who has a great career in IT sector. Both lives seem amazing and you'd love to be either of them. But then, when you really think about it, do you have a passion for any of these things? Think about a long path and hard work that both require to achieve success. Maybe you'll see that you only really love to admire art and imagine that would impress others as much as it impresses you, but creating doesn't give you any joy. Why torment yourself with dreaming of something that you don't even enjoy doing, just for a fleeting admiration of others that will just come and go? But let's say that you think about it and realize that you do have a genuine interest in IT, then:
3. What are you doing to achieve it? If you're just looking at succesful people and let that paralyze you, it will get you nowhere, which I'm sure you know. Let yourself learn and be imperfect. Regularly set a little time aside to practice. Set very small, achieveable goals. If possible, find other people who are learning just like you do, and get inspired by their process, not the final picture of someone else's effort you see in passing on social media. Think how good you want to be and what it will give you, because the most important thing is for you to be happy for yourself, not for others. Maybe you'll discover you don't need to be world known specialist to be happy. Or maybe you'll discover that you do and it will push you to work really hard. Either way, think about it, and not through the lens of achieving a pat on the head from your mom, or a like under your social media post, but as something you'll look back at in 20 years and how it will make you feel.
4. Practice mindfulness and consider gratitude journaling. From the simplest mindfulness of the body at first and then slowly progressing to mindfulness of your emotions and needs. This will require regular practice and I don't know what's your view on meditation, but if you're a sceptic as I've used to be, I swear this really helps and at least give it a shot for 2-3 weeks, see how you feel. Gratitude journaling may feel really forced and disingenuous in the beginning but with time it will become more natural and is a good process to really see and feel your brain rewiring from negative thought processes.
Sorry it's so long, I hope at least not too chaotic. It's going to take a lot of time, a lot of practice and a lot of failing to unlearn this unhealthy comparison, but don't give up. I'm not an expert, still in the process but even though I still feel like shit sometimes, I can very clearly see it's nothing like it was a few years ago. So fingers crossed you'll feel the same and know how to be proud of that.
No. 270390
File: 1655283545172.jpg (89.48 KB, 1920x1080, FUCK.jpg)
should i apologize for bad vibes/possibly triggering somebody while being on shrooms, schizzing out at a party? i talked about something that i heard them bring up, they probably didn't, i don' know, and it was negative. (i ranted about some scrotes.) then they asked me if i was okay and if i had any traumas. before this party they asked if there should be any topics we avoid in case they're triggering to me. i should've thought, this goes vice versa, and at least try staying on positive topics the whole time. i met some people for the first time there and kinda don't want it to be the last.
No. 270483
>>270418well
nonnie… what should.. your friend do? i wouldn't have acted that cringe sober, but, it was my fault for taking drugs around people i have just met. i should have known better. but i also don't want them to feel sorry for me in case the apology was not needed. i should offer something other than uhh my mental illness.
No. 270505
>>270484>more 'feminine' friendship with me since he has a girlfriendKek oh yeah he wants a feminine friendship all right, the type where you share the same bed and everything. You seriously think just because a guy has a gf he won't flirt with female friends he thinks are cute?
>>270496 is completely on point, he's putting out feelers to see if he could hook up with you. not all meeeen but seriously mature healthy men would not awkwardly flirt and attempt a pseudo-relationship with you like he's been doing, so that just makes him a garden variety perv and would-be cheater.
No. 270511
>>270496>>270505Ugh, I hate that you're probably right. I've been keeping this guy at a healthy distance and leaving him on read if he gets too weird, so I'm glad my bullshit meter is still calibrated to detect this stuff. One thing I neglected to consider is that men are generally horny bastards, and what would be "I have a crush" behaviour in women is almost always "just wanna smash" behaviour in men. Gross.
>>270494Yes and yes, although usually yee yee men where we're from use terms of endearment much more sparingly.
No. 270519
File: 1655369462767.jpeg (89.72 KB, 1024x768, 45827833-B97C-4FFC-8841-F1CEBB…)
>>270505this
Never trust "feminine" men who are friends with a lot of women. It's just another strategy, and they're arguably more manipulative than the average scrote
No. 270546
>>270510Before going to bed I pick something positive to think about while I fall asleep. Like a nice fantasy about going on a date, planning a wedding (fun stuff like colour schemes, not budgeting or logistics), or places I want to travel to. Just anything lighthearted and simple. When I feel my thoughts straying I tell myself "no I'll think about that later" and go back to the idea I chose. Sometimes it was tough and I had to redirect myself over and over, but it gets easier with practice. After a few months of this I have no problems falling asleep.
I recommend choosing a time in the evening to work through the worries that trouble you at night. Like take 20-25 minutes to write down all your anxious thoughts and get them out of your head. Do this every day and make a habit of it. That way at night, you'll have already processed some of those difficult things, and when you say "not now, later" there really
is a later time to worry.
The other anon has some good advice wrt white noise. I would add that you should put it on a timer for 30min so it doesn't play all night and disrupt your sleep.
Also congrats on having a boyfriend who loves you. Obviously he can't be with you all the time, but if you need more reassurance from him then you should ask. If he says no or makes a half hearted effort, then you might want to reconsider your relationship. What's the point in keeping a moid around if he can't meet your emotional needs yknow?
No. 270586
File: 1655400239922.jpeg (1.52 MB, 4032x3024, F729BA86-B93E-40DC-9331-518841…)
>did my nails today, inverse pattern on opposite hand
>wake up at 5a to do it, finish at 9
>realize it’s trans flag colors during buttsex month
Do I redo these nails to not troon colors?
Idk if I’m overthinking it but I’m super insecure about this now that I realize it. I just started training a ftm aiden at work and I don’t want to send out the signal that I’m an ‘ally’ during alphabet month. I don’t talk about gc ever, I just stay neutral outwardly and try to be nice and respectful.
At the same time they’re so cute imo and I spent a lot of time on them
No. 270594
File: 1655403599952.jpg (316.13 KB, 2048x1536, R.c60181a5138ce3367680363e12d5…)
Tips on how to keep some things private even if you live together with someone? I keep an irl journal and I just want to went in it without worry.
No. 270612
File: 1655413844058.jpg (10.04 KB, 236x236, d7b73d7518bb74ab6f02352472c2ff…)
How do I handle sudden depressive mood swings?
I don't think I'm mentally ill in that way, I think it's pretty normal at my age to have mood swings, I just don't know how to handle the sudden feelings of worthlessness or sadness. I want to be able to handle it.
No. 270624
>>270442You just have to live with it if you want to keep your friendship with him,
nonnie. Try and look at it a different way; you have great chemistry with him as a friend, but if you were to get into a relationship with him it probably wouldn't feel the same anymore. Plus you'd run the risk of eventually breaking up with him, and then you wouldn't get to have him in your life at all without it being weird.
How long have you had the crush for? Since you first knew him? If it hasn't been that long, it'll probably pass. I usually find that I crush on a friend for a few months, and then I'll notice something about them that turns me off and everything will go back to normal. If it's been for the whole two years, you might just need to learn to simp from a distance or distract yourself with another crush.
You probably don't act cringe at all, it's just your brain overthinking things when you're in a social situation with a lot of people. If he's reflecting your energy, he obviously doesn't think you're embarrassing.
No. 270665
File: 1655459245979.jpg (386.57 KB, 1033x1233, Screenshot_20220617-114617_Fir…)
Idk where to post this but how do you start dressing however you want without shame?
Such a dumb question but I noticed that I avoid anything showing my waist because I have none. Literally none, I look like a mtf troon with small boobs. I'm skinny with some muscle mass and broad shoulders which I like about myself but the lack of waist is making me feel a lot less feminine than it should. Been dressing like a tomboy since I was a kid but I'd like to try to wear more stuff like picrel, or at least croptops. Idk man
No. 270704
File: 1655482753612.jpg (90.25 KB, 898x701, EJv1MNCX0AAtiK_.jpg)
>>270665Fellow broad woman, be proud of your powerful body. I used to hate mine too, but once I'd embraced it I got a lot more confident. You sound like you'd look good in a crop anyway, if you're skinny with some muscle tone.
Maybe try looking up fashion advice for rectangular/triangle bodies. Skirts and dresses than cinch at the waist and then widen at the bottom (skater skirts etc) can make your waist look proportionately slimmer.
Whether you like her or not, Meghan Markle is quite good at dressing her body well even though she's also broad like us.
No. 270769
File: 1655512535866.gif (303.49 KB, 511x288, b560d4977dfb8af8ec8cbb4823d39c…)
Am I an idiot for majoring in CS if I have no real love for it? My thought process when picking the major was roughly:
>My interests (Visual Art, Music, etc.) would be retarded to major in; I'm not talented or driven enough to excel in creative fields.
>But I also don't want to major into anything that looks too "easy"…or is too easy.
>Figure that if I end up working some shoddy generic office job out of uni (which is my goal, honestly, just something that pays reasonably well), it will be easier to eventually(ish) transition into higher-paying programming work if I have a degree in CS. I see lots of people who go back to school who major in CS, regretting their first choice. My courses were full of ex-english, psych, etc. majors.
>Also think a degree in CS will show employers that I'm ultimately smart enough to handle excel sheets or whatever the fuck. My GPA is sitting at 3.2 right now.
I'm not the best programmer. I'm going to be a little in debt, but nothing too crazy because I started out at community college and transferred into university with a semi-cushy scholarship .
I feel retarded but at the same time I'm like, realistically, I'd be in this exact same situation had I majored in literally anything else because I have a chronic lack of love for life. At the same time, I'm honestly not…beating myself up over anything either, because in a way I do think it's incredible that I'm going to have a degree. At 16, I really thought I'd be dead before I hit 23.
No. 271010
>>270769Don't worry anon, I think you are on a good path. I went the opposite route, loved art and design, so I got a general arts degree. Obviously ended up with no job prospects after school, clawed my way into programming and now, luckily, making decent money. I like programming but do see at a job rather than a career, which is ok if it means the same to you. Also, a lot of tech companies have good benefits, flexible time off, etc, so you'd likely be able to have time and money to enjoy the more creative stuff you like without the anxiety of having no money. Hope that helps!
No. 271091
>>271010NTA and sorry to butt in: You're reminding me a bit of myself and I'm at a crossroads right now trying to decide what to do. I'm trying to get certified in various Adobe programs to see if I can land a small time job in the graphic design field. One anon in another thread said she was doing stuff like making stuff transparent for people, nothing too difficult. The idea of designing logos for a client is really boring for me and deadline work isn't my strong suit. Creative stuff clicks better for me but I also don't want to risk burnout and hating doing creative stuff on my own time. So I'm not sure which way to go. Seems that anon lucked out and I don't know if the same will be said for me.
I want to learn programming, and so far the basic stuff is understandable for me, just sort of as a back up, so I don't get burnt out. But I feel like getting good enough at it to be employable seems like a long shot. What was your process in learning it? It's been hard for me to refocus on learning programming with the Adobe suite stuff, and I kind of avoid it since it's still unfamiliar to me. Signed up for a few things like Odin Project, and freecodecamp has helped a lot too, but it's hard for me to want to get started on it.
No. 271202
>>271091I say having your options open is a good thing (knowing at least some design and development skills). It’s still rare for a designer to understand even the basics of the web, and vice versa for devs. Knowing even a little bit about both sides is immensely helpful and would be a plus to employers. This is, though, assuming you’d want to go into web/app/product design. I never did print or branding work.
I totally get trying to learn two different things at the same time on your own could be hard to balance. From my perspective (web), I don’t think getting certifications for Adobe programs would be worth much. That might be different if you want to do production stuff, like the anon who removes background/makes transparent elements), branding, or print work.
My process of learning was a mess honestly, and took me longer than it needed to actually learn the skills since I had undiagnosed ADHD at the time At least know if my dumb ass could do it, it’s possible for you too! I also had a really hard time starting and sticking to it, especially free programs, though they are helpful and I still sometimes reference them. If you have the self-discipline I 100% believe you can learn how to code for free. I, personally, needed the structure and financial pain of a paid program to actually stick to it. So yeah, basically, I’d suggest focusing your attention on freecodecamp or similar coding “bootcamp” and simultaneously learning a web design program like Figma, Sketch, or Adobe XD (if you already have creative suite). If you are already a good designer and have even one or two web/app designs to show that’d be enough.
No. 271280
>>270769I majored in cs and don't love it. It's fine; having a high paying and desirable job means you can find time and money for your actual passions outside of work.
Try to get into more backend stuff if you're really neutral. Even if you don't become a programmer, CS skills are hugely valuable in a lot of fields, and there's many different/related areas you can only really get a good feel for after college, so eventually you probably will gain preferences, at the very least.
Also don't underbelly yourself, tons of people in the field never even studied CS or did one shitty boot camp and called it a day. A proper CS trained average programmer is leagues above irl working average programmers, there's so much shit code out in the real world you have no idea.
For your optional classes or personal studies keep an eye out for AI, cloud, and databases. First 2 are super trendy, last is always handy to have. Try to get a little exp with unit testing as well before you graduate and you'll be a super valuable job candidate! Just remember to be super firm about hours and don't let shitty companies overwork you once you're in the field. I've never worked overtime in my entire life and I make 156k with only a couple years experience, you can do it. Good luck
nonny!
>>271091Try looking into UI/UX design first, see if you can get a certification or take a class. Might be easier with your background, and it will give you a good way of getting into a technical role. If you go for a different sub-field later the knowledge will still be useful. I think they're on the upswing in terms of hiring desirability, too.
No. 271309
>>271300Nta but hmmmmmmm very interesting,
nonnie. Ty
No. 271333
>>270612try to predict when those mood swings happen and why. for example I get suicidal close to my period or if the weather is bad.
once I know the depression is irrational (it mostly is), I can more easily reason with myself. the mood sing may not go away, but at least I know it's not gonna be like that forever and I'm not actually in the pit of hell.
then watch a happy show, or ideally spend time with people. go for a walk in the sun, force yourself to laugh at shit. idk, it's horrible and I hate it but this has helped me.
No. 271458
File: 1655875018107.jpeg (29.32 KB, 554x554, 1655636387241.jpeg)
I'm going to take a gap year where I will have to do all sorts of projects to build a portfolio. Should I leech of my parents totally or should I take a part time job? For context, I'm from a lower middle class family, but I have extremely nice parents who are fine with me doing nothing for a year. I would feel more independent if I had more money in my account, but I would be also loosing a lot of precious time. There is also a third option where I could start to learn a lot about coding just to be able to do that on the side in the future (I already made my own website but it's very basic) but I don't know how realistic that is. Please nonnas, what would you do ?
No. 271575
>>271537Also fellow EE
Google around for the hotel and ESPECIALLY the agency is you are going through one. Ask online or irl if anyone has worked there before and what it's like.
We already get treated like shit outside for being EE and "foreingers", be sure it's legit.
No. 272971
I have an older friend (50's) and he has a teen son (17) who I'm concerned about.
The son doesn't have a lot of friends at school and has gotten beaten up and bullied a lot. My friend tells me his son is troubled.
What's concerning to me, I think his son might be being groomed by someone. The other day I was like, "oh hey, where's (son) today?" and my friend told me, oh, he's at his friend's house-
Anyway, the "friend" is a 28-year old MTF who recently trooned out- and apparently has a history of having a living situation not work out due to developing A CRUSH ON THE TEEN SON OF THE LANDLORD….
I told my friend that sounded red flaggy but he seems to think that outright forbidding stuff just makes it likely that teens will disobey you and do it anyway.
I don't know the son well but based on my brief interactions with him, he's at high risk for being groomed based on his personality- he's intelligent and doesn't fit in with peers.
I'm in my early 30s and don't use social media so I can't just e-stalk the son or anything but Nonas, the alarm bells were SCREAMING at me.
What, if anything, should I do? Is my friend a moron for letting his teen son stay late out with a 28 year old creepy Troon??
(I live in an extremely "woke" place so we all have to pretend like that detail isn't relevant)
No. 272972
>>272920Don't laugh, but also don't fight him on it. Just be like "…. anyway," and change the subject or walk away. If there are other people around, ignore him and talk to them. If it's just you two alone, then leave. Bonus points if you make a disgusted/disappointed face at him for just a moment and then look away.
Shame him. He should be ashamed.
No. 273560
>>273559Dang
nonnie, I really relate. Wish I had some advice for you, but I do know where you’re coming from. People have told me there’s always world events making things shitty, life goes on, don’t stress things you can’t control, etc, but I feel more depressed and anxious about the future than ever. It feels like everyone is complacent (including myself, which fuels my self-hate even more kek) and everything will only get worse. Sorry this isn’t helpful, but for what it’s worth, I understand.
No. 273566
>>273261Yes. I get that, too. It's not that often though so I cherish it.
Sometimes I'll find a new game and feel very excited to go back to it and keep thinking about it all day at work. I think it's the same hormones as a crush, really. Except no moid to potentially hurt you involved, just good music or gaming. Enjoy!
No. 274517
>>27433826 year old hugless kissless virgin here and all i can say is… don't wait too long for the perfect opportunity. i really wish i would have picked out whatever trustworthy guy i could find and gotten it over with years ago. now i'm kinda in a "need experience to get the job, need a job to get experience" situation wrt relationships. i've been reassured so many times over and over by female friends that it's not a big deal if i won't make it into one and a decent guy won't care but my actual experience has been uh pretty different ever since i started actively trying to get rid of this issue. the guys i've screened as ones that seem safe and i could be comfortable with tend to be uninterested or down right put off when they find out. i don't blame them either, once you reach mid 20s or so, nobody really wants to be a sex ed teacher. people want good sex with someone who knows what they like and it's a bit unlikely you'll get that from a virgin, or at least most expect that they won't get that. the guys who are down very quickly reveal themselves to be creeps who are turned on by the idea of a pure waifu unsoiled by other cocks. and you might be different in this regard but it's pretty important for my comfort that the guy knows so i can't bring myself to lie (and fear that the lack of experience would show anyway). i haven't had much luck with either a "looking for a hookup" or a "looking for a relationship" approach and that's even after lowering my standards of what i would consider a trustworthy safe guy significantly. don't force yourself into anything you're uncomfortable with, obviously, but know that it does make things a lot more awkward than people are willing to admit the older you are. even more so with relationships. and you definitely shouldn't force yourself here either, especially if you aren't even sure you want one. but lots people do see a lack of relationship experience as a dealbreaker past a certain point. which sucks because obviously there are very good reasons to not have had a relationship, not all are red flag-worthy. but people can be sympathetic to things all the while not wanting to deal with them in a partner. people around my age tend to start figuring out what they want in a relationship or even already know it, lots find it tedious to deal with someone who will still be making beginner level mistakes.
not sure if any of this is good advice or even advice at all but that's been my experience.
No. 274559
>>274338go for a younger guy tbh.
yea some of them can be immature in some areas but i am older than you and wasnt sure what kind of relationship i wanted. i tried meeting guys around my age but it all turned out like
>>274517 experience, or they just wanted something serious and i wasnt that into it.
but then i started talking to younger guys and there are some decent ones that dont act like retard zoomer manhoes. and cause theyre young they dont really think anything about a girl whos a virgin/inexperienced cause at their age its still pretty normal.
No. 274577
File: 1657497446980.jpg (42.3 KB, 735x629, deffb4b6377a3ac979266efc50aef7…)
I'm a huge retard and accidentally posted in a different and older thread but i think it fits better here
Anons i was talking to My friend the other day, about some weird tv woman, and we started to make fun of her and i made a joke about transgenders and he laughed but after a while he told me "the joke about You being transphobic it's very funny" but i wasnt…fully joking.
Worried because he's gay and he's femenine and clearly into supporting lgbtq+ i'm fine with everything except trans and variations of sexuality that always recay on personality but also less worried because i don't feel like i need to clarify i dislike trannys or anything
So the question is, should i be very careful with what i say around him? Or can i pass it off as irony? Will My opinions bring any problems later on? Any other anons with a similar friend/experience have any advice?
No. 274591
File: 1657511180083.jpeg (42.43 KB, 686x660, 1656939789462.jpeg)
My guy friend fucked our mutual female friend. The problem is, he was flirting with me for a year, right up until the night he got with her.
After that, he essentially stopped talking to me.
We're all a part of a 6-person college friend group. Over the years, we've moved to different cities, so we keep up online. My guy friend and girl friend work in the same field, so they meet IRL more often. He didn't "cheat" on me because we agreed LDR is miserable. However, I still feel pretty upset. I had to learn about the hookup from the girl, who had no idea that he was flirting with me. The guy only apologized to me AFTER I told her the truth. He blew me off until that point. To make matters worse, the girl is now pissed at me instead of him. This drama is causing issues in the group. The two are going to meet up again soon and keep talking about it in front of me. The other friends have agreed with me privately that the guy did me wrong and that the girl is being rude, but they don't want to cut 2 people out of a 6 person group.
So far, I've just left the group chat so I don't have to see messages that make me upset. I don't know if I should abandon this group or not. I have other friends, but this would mean losing my core group.
No. 274622
I haven't met anyone with the same problem so far, so if anyone relates or even better: overcame it it would be wonderful, I'm sorry this is so long.
I feel like my whole life is governed by shame. When I try to recall my first memories they're all about shame, but it's never other people shaming me, it's always me shaming myself. When I was a little I remember really wanting to know what I looked like when I cried, and so, after throwing a tantrum one day I thought it was a great idea to go and see what I looked like now. My grandma caught me looking at myself, she was angry at me so she said "Yes, you see, you're ugly when you cry". I wasn't hurt she called me ugly because it had been my first thought too, instead I was ashamed she knew what I was doing, she knew I wanted to see my own crying face. I don't understand why it made me so irrationnaly ashamed that she knew what was going on in my head.
Also when I was child but even up to my teens, I use to force myself not to look at candy shops when we were passing by because I was embarrassed my mom would know I wanted candy, even though she never shamed me for it, she often said no when I gathered all my courage to ask for some, but regularly said yes too. I was also always very ashamed to ask my parents for anything, or even to say yes when they offered anything..
There are plenty of things like that:
when I look up almost anything on google I use incognito mode just so nothing shows up when I use the search bar later. I can't bear anyone using my laptop for even a second because of what they could see there. It's not even like porn could show up, no, there's nothing inherently shameful on my computer, I shouldn't be ashamed.
I never answer when people ask me what I listen to because I'm ashamed. Music is so expressive, it can make you feel so much emotion so quickly, it feels manipulative. I feel like if I tell people what I listen to, they'll know what I'm feeling and that I’m stupid for being manipulable. But it goes much deeper than that: I don't even know what I like myself and I think that's because of hiding it for so long. I draw a lot, and I'm trying to make a living out of it. I'm good at it, I learned all my fundamentals and train every day but I never know what to draw. I don't know what I like to draw, because I shut down every idea I get. As a result I get less and less ideas. It's weird because it's really not easy to understand my own feelings. For example, I recently discovered that a lot of things I strongly reject, hate, and that even disgust me, are actually things I find hot but for some reasons think are shameful. The only reason I accepted they were hot is because that thing is suddenly trendy and thus I can accept it within myself. I don't know how to get past it. I think I should first try to come to terms with what I like/what I want with myself, but I don't know how to interrogate myself honestly. I try to keep a sketchbook for myself only that I know I'll never show to anybody so that I can draw and write anything freely, especially if it's bad or cringy and shameful, but honestly it already feels overwhelming..
Any advice or idk, exercises, would be most welcome.
No. 274648
>>274622anon, I could have written this myself! This is also a problem I've struggled with my whole life. I can't pinpoint an exact reason when it started. Maybe I didn't want to inconvenience my family by "needing." Now my mother has really strange ideas about the things I like for the same reasons as your candy shop story lol I also remember my peers shaming me for my interests. I call it existence guilt.
Do you also spend to much time thinking about your actions if you feel like you have done something wrong, and imagine what would have happen if you had acted "correctly?"
I think journaling helps with that, and also the normal day-to-day shame. So you should keep using your sketchbook! I used to draw complicated diagrams explaining the things I like to myself. When you go through the effort of justifying things to yourself to such a degree, it's so tedious that it feels silly. You probably don't think of the people around you as shameful for their interests, so there's no need to hold yourself to the same standard. I have kept journals for many years and only 3 years ago I stopped being ashamed of even writing in it, and destroying them out of guilt. It can take a long time, but I feel a lot better now. No matter what, don't destroy your sketchbook even if you're embarrassed, you will come to regret it.
Even my close friends still don't know my interests and think I am very "secretive", but with practice I can at least be open about my feelings and not put on an act around them. Really, I think it just takes a lot of practice. Your post shows you know yourself better than you think.
No. 274703
File: 1657562707715.jpeg (8.19 KB, 183x275, download (17).jpeg)
>>274622>>274648You guys should read this book my therapist recommended, it's really interesting & explains where this kind of pervasive shame can come from (& a bit of what to do about it)
No. 274735
File: 1657576045351.jpeg (377.5 KB, 1280x1280, A04EE927-1C89-4117-BE33-E5E44D…)
Help. How do I get over a guy I've been "friends" with for half a decade (we were essentially together without actually calling it a relationship) after he rejected me for a new girl, used me as a rebound, went back to her like nothing happened, and expects me to happily be friends with him after he slept with me? He came back again recently after another rocky period with his gf and said they were breaking up, then suddenly they weren't. Him contacting me telling me they were breaking up ripped the wound of being used as a rebound fuck open, and I'm spiralling.
I went off on him about how shit he makes me feel and didn't contact him for a while, he seemed sad about it - now that I got in touch with him again, he instantly goes back to taking me for granted. Apparently all I am is a "very good friend" to him. Thing is, he ignores me unless he has nobody else and needs someone to vent to without consequence. I've known this guy since high school, we hung out nonstop until he got this gf, we have so much in common and he's the only person I feel truly comfortable with. We used to talk all the time, he'd send me something every day. I've shared everything to him.
I have no friends and I can't make friends, I'm an absolute mess. Always been. Meeting people I truly connect with is lightning in a bottle, and he is one of those people. I haven't felt the way I do about him about any other guy. I don't understand why he acts like he enjoys my presence and values our "friendship" but throws me away as soon as a better offer shows up. (Well, actually, I'm 99% sure it's because he finds me cringe and ugly, but likes the parts of me that get him and share his interests, unlike the girls he actually wants to show off.)
I know I'm fucking retarded but I'm painfully obsessed and my mental health is in the toilet, much thanks to him. He doesn't give a fuck how much he hurts me, he has a shiny new toy now. But I can't bring myself to cut him out of my life, because I feel like I need him. I have nobody else and he's been in my life since my teens.
No. 274749
>>274735It sounds like he thinks you're a game that he can pick up or leave whenever it's convenient. He knows you'll always be there, and he takes advantage of that. I wouldn't be surprised that after dating all of these other girls, and has decided to "settle", he comes back to you, because you're "wife material" (and someone that will put up with his shit). I know it sucks and it's hard, and it will be hard for months, but you need to cut him off. It's better in the long run.
>he ignores me unless he has nobody else and needs someone to vent to without consequence.He just sees you as a free therapist. He's no friend.
>I've known this guy since high school>We used to talk all the time, he'd send me something every day.It sucks, but people change. I lost many friends after high school, including my ex, because they became worse people. You've outgrown him, and he's gone backwards. It hurts, but whoever is standing before you now, is no longer the guy you first befriended in high school.
At the very least, limit contact and say no when he asks to sleep with you. Set some boundaries.
No. 274787
>>274648Thank you so much for your answer, it's good to know I'm not alone in this. I'm glad you're feeling better. I will listen to you and keep using my sketchbook, I'll even try journaling !
>>274703 I'll definitely read it, thanks !
No. 274807
>>274799That's a good idea
nonnie, do you think there would be women in their twenties at those? For some reason I imagine it would be older women like housewives and such but maybe not! To clarify I don't have trouble making friends, I do have some people who I can hang out with or talk to if I need someone, but we're all so different, one of them smokes all day every day and is significantly younger than me, she's in her airhead era like I was at that age so sometimes conversation with her is tough, and my other friend my age is great but she's turned all anti-makeup anti-caring about looks in recent years, gives me shit when i want to buy stuff lol, and has orgies and drinks/smokes all the time, is also extremely liberal like the furthest left you can go, I'm more in the middle so it can be awkward at times
I love animals and decorating and aesthetics and simple pleasures, not mega outgoing and attention seeking but not shy and unsociable either, I guess my interests are just simple basic things like shopping and my pets and buying +enjoying cute/pretty stuff, I like art too, galleries, music
No. 274856
>>274749He did "joke" a few years ago about us making a "pact" to marry if we haven't found anyone at 30
I need self respect
No. 275050
Nonas, I made a terrible mistake when I was 21. I'm 25 now.
I was a camgirl for a little over a year. I honestly think I rotted my brain with sex posi twitter, following girls who already did that stuff, etc. It looked so glamorous to me, and I had such low self esteem. Now my life has changed so much, and I have some serious goals. What I need advice on, though, is scrubbing the internet?… So far I haven't been able to find any videos of myself, I don't doubt that they exist though. The thing is, these stupid fake porn profiles keep popping up with my old profile pictures.
I know, I know, I was fucking stupid. And I regret it so much.
I know it is probably hopeless because the internet is forever. I'm just hoping so much, because while the pics that stay around aren't explicit, it's so obviously me. I blush with shame when I see them. I have nightmares about my family somehow finding them.
Is there anything at all I can do to get these pics removed? When I contacted one of the sites, the email I got back was so unhelpful.. That was a couple years ago. Any advice is greatly appreciated, nonnies.
No. 275753
File: 1658018944676.jpeg (25.63 KB, 451x343, 4A39EF37-EC40-4CD8-8D58-768BD0…)
Is there anything you can do to help someone who chooses to have there wrong people around them?
A good friend of mine from college is living with a group of friends she knows mostly through her boyfriend. This girl works hard, graduated top of our cohort at college, and doesn’t even drink on a weeknight because she has work the next day. I’ve met her housemates before one at a time and they seemed manageable if not a little dim. But last weekend I went to a house party at theirs and it was heinous. The place was a mess, everyone was high out of their minds, every time I looked around someone was being passed a bong or a grinder or laying out rows of MDMA, all for what was meant to be a relaxed housewarming. When two other friends of this girl arrived they said they had to leave early because they’d done whip-its before arriving and were feeling light headed. She constantly texts me complaining about how these guys run up the power bill gaming or have their nasty pothead friends over to hang out and they take over the living room or some other drama they’re trying to pull her into. Last time she brought it up to me it was about how she asked them to wear masks in the living space when they had covid because she didn’t want to get sick and she ended up having to wear masks around them because they all refused. I’ve suggested she move, but every time I bring it up she’s like “but I love themmm they’re my good friendssss”. It’s getting so frustrating, it feels like every time she messages me it’s to cry about something or other they’ve done that’s making her mad and then I check her instagram and it’s all of them out to dinner together or her posting about how much she loves them. I’ve never seen any of them lift a finger for her in a trying time but she’s always giving them whatever energy she has whenever they need it. I just don’t understand why someone with so much going for them would choose to associate with people who have so little drive or real interest in the world around them (probably because they’re so close to her boyfriend but he’s another story). Anyways, have any of you ever been in a situation like this, if so what did you do and what was the outcome?
No. 277001
>>276975This might be totally useless but two things that helped me to stop trying to be like others was that (1) Remembering that I've literally never seen a wannabe pull it off. Wannabes are always kind of embarrassing to watch because the act doesn't feel genuine. And (2) Thinking about the way I like my friends and how I never like them because they compare to other people that I like.
Although I will say, sometimes pulling good traits from other people isn't a bad thing. If someone inspires you to be patient because you appreciate it in them I don't think that's a bad thing.
Best of luck anon!
No. 277661
File: 1658687275050.png (36.43 KB, 600x600, download20220706182805.png)
Nonnas, what are your favored phone camera apps for selfies?
No. 277683
File: 1658693745346.jpg (18.36 KB, 437x341, iwanttogetgood.jpg)
How can I teach myself to play an instrument? I want to get back into my hobby of playing the bass guitar, but I'm so shit at self-learning. I first started playing when I was 13 I think, but I've been so inconsistent with it that my skills would be pretty much beginner level if I tried to get back into it again. Like with piano, there's theory and chords and books that you can work your way through and I think that structured approach makes it easier for me to stay motivated since I feel like I'm progressing through continuous goals. With the bass, I always end up teaching myself how to play a few songs I like at the time and then once that's over I ultimately feel aimless and discouraged and stop for another year or two.
I really want to get into it again though. I think it's kind of shameful that I started this instrument more than 10 years ago and I have nothing to show for it, but I'm telling myself now is better than never at least. That's not the only reason obviously, but I do want to stop putting this off. Picrel because I think DD has some really cool-sounding basslines and would love to be able to play them some day even if it's just to myself
No. 277825
>>277683Same, anon. Started guitar at 12, stopped at like 16, skills have gone to square 1. Teaching yourself an instrument specifically is tricky, there are so many things you have to focus on that it's hard to keep track of everything, and with non-classical instruments, unless you really want to play in a band or make your own music, your motivation gets nebulous and sorta weak. I've moved on to other things, but I did re-learn guitar by myself with some degree of success (i say that because I just wasn't arsed to continue lol) by just re-playing the harder songs I played well many times over. But I see you like a more structured approach, so after "remembering" like 10 songs I really think courses, free or paid for would be ideal. If you have money, I'd rec someone to teach you in person, they can point out everything you're doing wrong much faster than you'll be able to by yourself, give you guidance, tailored lessons, etc.
Though structure never worked for me, so if I were you, Id just pirate some skillshare courses for intermediate level bass players off of piratebay (subconsciously, your motor skills will still bring up a surprising amount of things you may have thought you forgot about, so in this case you need more of a challenge i think). It helps to keep your personal motivations in mind and to make sure they're very concrete, if you're stumped think of it in terms of goals instead of dreams (instead of "I want to someday perform in front of an audience" set a goal like "play a small concert for friends/family at the end of 3 months").
Hope this helps, anon, there really is no such thing as 'too old to learn' - that's a mindset for worms who are scared to be bad at something because they're grownups.
No. 277855
File: 1658771454091.png (17.17 KB, 134x101, 1649999079415.png)
>>257551The busser at the place I serve at apparently wants my number, as per another busser. He might be pranking me (the other busser) but he swore up and down that he wasn't. Good lord. I do not want to work if he isn't pranking me. Thank God I'm leaving for college in two weeks. But till then, what am I supposed to do?
No. 278039
>>277988it literally doesn't matter, the poor hr fuck is just trying to meet his quota of possible candidates.
you can also go and get some job interview experience.
No. 278213
File: 1658929842882.png (436.06 KB, 564x752, 1652129911961.png)
I recently found out I'm the "other woman" in my friend's marriage. I never thought I overstepped any boundaries (until very recently, more on that later) but it's still an emotional affair from his wife's pov. I guess I should have seen it coming. We'd hooked up once a very long time ago and that was it. We didn't date because of issues on my side and incompatibilities that were important to him, like me only wanting one child while he at least 5. Honestly I would have given him many if that's what he wanted but we never talked about it again so he never had a chance to know. He proceeded to date girls and break up for seemingly "no reason". I'm just now learning he severely neglected them for me and they were perceptive enough to see the trainwreck coming from a mile away and flee. Ultimately, they were relationships to make me jealous and that somewhere along the way he met his now-wife. I always thought it odd our friendship didn't change much even while he had a gf and then a wife, it was always pretty stable, the time we spent together unchanged. He really built relationships around our friendship instead of the other way around. I don't know how he managed. I love him so was always more than happy with our arrangement. I couldn't have him the way I wanted but at least he was still a very important person in my life. I was happy with the crumbs. Truly when I say I never flirted and there was never any sexual tension, I mean it.
But now he put his wife in a position where she has to take even that away from me. I don't blame her. He came and told me she wants him to cease contact with me yesterday. I was surprised he was allowed to come see me alone and he said he told her he had to "break things off easily" with me. Things got very emotional and we ended up kissing while he was comforting me, and that turned really passionate so we ended up having sex. This was never meant to happen, we were both surprised, and now he's even more determined to keep me in his life. Not to physically betray her again - it was a "mistake" and he made it very clear to me - but because he loves me very much. I don't think it was a mistake and it hurt so much when he said that. I want him to end what was never supposed to start to begin with; his marriage. It's all very clear and simple to me, but I'm scared of telling him this. I already miss him so much I don't want him to see me as a homewrecker and decide to stay with his wife. I guess I don't want any advice, just vent a little.
No. 278215
>>278213I don't personally support it but to me it sounds like the guy would be overjoyed to drop his wife the moment you ask him to be with him.
Also there's a vent thread in /ot/
No. 278251
>>278213You’re going to get what’s coming to you anon. Be careful what you wish for. You’re just using him to validate yourself and he’s using you to feel like hot shit. Go be his manic pixie dream girl till he treats you like the has been.
That poor fucking women. Grow up.
No. 278338
>>278286For the first few weeks just focus on making a consistent routine, and going when you planned. Definitely try and do what
>>278287said, but if that’s unavailable to you here’s a YouTuber that explains virtually every machine there is (this is just one video), and never feel embarrassed to sit and read the instructions on the machine, and take some time to figure it out and make sure it’s comfortable for your body and skill level. The biggest thing in the beginning is consistency and developing a routine that suits you without ending in burnout. What is your main goal in going to the gym
nonny, is it weight loss? Muscle building? General health?
No. 278863
File: 1659222744393.jpg (29.61 KB, 1080x860, FB_IMG_1657982097791.jpg)
what to do when my work schedule is making it impossible for me and my husband to spend time together?
he vastly out-earns me and his schedule is fixed. i work nights at a hotel which is generally great b/c it allows me mornings for appointments and errands which i wouldnt be able to do after work if i had a 9-5. he's always off weekends and i always work them. if i had a more "normal" schedule we'd be able to have some days off in common, but again, if i needed to schedule therapy or a drs appointment for one of my days off id be screwed by a m-f schedule.
idk what to do. it seems like the only way to have more time together is for me to change jobs, but everything else about my usual 2-1030 fits my needs really well. i feel really stuck in this dilemma. pic for attention
No. 278889
File: 1659230176230.png (254.24 KB, 640x562, tumblr_07c6afb75779cded5a3f86e…)
Stay with the love of my life in a soul sucking job in an expensive city without any friends or family -or- move back home with family and friends but be grotesquely depressed about not being with the literal love of my life
No. 278899
>>278863I really don't see how you would find the time without changing your job or at least your hours.
>id be screwed by a m-f scheduleHow so? Most people work like that and manage to go to appointments
No. 278913
>>278899Samefag, I also think you should prioritise spending time together to make lasting memories now.
When you're both in your seventies and eighties, you're not going to sit and reminisce together about hotel shifts and minute errands.
No. 278934
File: 1659262380434.jpg (555.41 KB, 1058x1197, Cat.jpg)
>>264620I posted here a while ago when I was sent a scholarship offer. I've now paid all the visa fees and had it issued. Enrolled in classes too. I'm feeling prepared to do this but I still feel so much guilt having my mother sponsor me. She really wants me to go as it's one of the best places to study in said field. I want to be able to repay her for everything she has done for me and I know this is a gateway to a great career but I feel so wrong accepting the money from her. I have saved up enough money for my accommodation and have arranged that myself but she will be covering a big change of my tuition.
No. 278952
File: 1659280830595.jpg (69.65 KB, 576x768, Cat2.jpg)
>>278938>>278945Thank you for the replies. I think I will take up the offer as hopefully it'll be a good investment. Ps here is another cat for you
No. 279037
>>279027I’m not sure there’s any other option besides try a tampon or drop out of the meet. They make tiny tampons and 12 is a pretty reasonable age to have a period, you might be overblowing the impossibility of her using one.
I was scared of tampons too when I first started and didn’t wear them until I was maybe 15. What happened was I was on a vacation in Florida and got the opportunity to scuba dive but I was on my period. After fretting about it for a few days I locked myself in the bathroom for half an hour and kept trying until I got it in right. I probably wouldn’t have been brave enough to try if I didn’t have such a big carrot dangling in front of me but I’m glad I did it.
No. 279076
>>279071i'm so sorry nonna, that's such a violation. my brother is very hands-y. i called him out on his groping and he stopped touching me bc he gets how weird it is now.
maybe you can subtly bring up your situation in passing to let him know that YOU know he's crossing a line. chances are he won't double down bc everyone knows that stealing panties (his sister's, no less) is beyond creepy.
No. 279080
>>279071Shame the fuck out of him. That's fucking disgusting. My brother never did shit like this, or being "handsy" like the other anon. I'm so sorry. I shudder to wonder if any of his friends did this throughout the years though. He had one friend who apparently
jerked off our dog or at least touched his penis more than once (I only heard about it and honestly wish I never did.). Kill all men.
No. 279094
>>279071I want you to go the extra step of gathering evidence so you can confirm or deny who is doing that, and why. Try setting up a hidden camera around your laundry during the time something like this would happen, and see what happens. Or, set up a trap for them to pick up a piece of your underwear somewhere else if you can’t set up a camera where you typically put your laundry. Also I would be concerned about someone possibly recording you while you change, or are using the bathroom. So please get a flashlight, and search dark bottles, vents, closets, tissue boxes, and more for any signs of a recording device. Be cautious about this, and don’t give away that you’re searching for this stuff to anyone else around you. Search as much as you can so you can be 100% certain there is nothing around you that is recording you. The smallest, or unlikeliest places can have something. Here is a website to help you search for devices:
https://legalbeagle.com/4910594-detect-bugs-listening-devices.htmlPlease look into this stuff on other websites too, like read what other people have shared about looking for devices, or trying to prevent something like this from happening.
No. 279136
>>279073>>279076>>279079>>279080>>279083>>279086>>279094I'm so glad I have you, nonnas. This isn't a topic one can mention anywhere usually.
My brother is 17 now. The last time I found my things in this state was about a year ago, then he went to college and hasn't been around, it's summer vacation now so he just got back. In any case, it seems like my brain has practically erased the memory of these events and then it all suddenly came back when I stumbled upon a manga a few days ago where highschool boys took and put on their friend's sister's underwear because "comedy". And then my brain tried to bury the memories deep down once again, but today a woman from the lower floor loudly complained about her apartment being too moist and my brother said to me with a straight face that the moistest part is in her panties, then my brain went brrr. So now I'm just stuck with thinking about this situation over and over again, unable to move on. And I hate the duality of these feelings: I'm angry that my boundaries can be violated that easily, but also really uncertain - what if I'm overthinking and it was all just a bunch of weird coincidences and nothing actually happened.
Guess, I really should start keeping my laundry separately, it would at least make me feel calmer, so good call. I'll think about how I should react to his questionable behavior, there must be a way to put some sense of shame in a guy's head. And I will talk to mom if he keeps on acting gross.
>>279094>>279095This is actually something important to consider, not only for checking the house, but for public spaces as well. It's funny how you need to check a room for bugging just to pee safely in a public bathroom. But knowing how things are, it's just a necessity now.
No. 279155
>>279084that makes sense, thanks. I just thought it would be too big for her since shes thin but if you say it was ok with you its probably ok with her
>>279113girl im afraid of using that on even myself lol
No. 279259
File: 1659467986140.jpg (54.12 KB, 497x685, 787220caee69b8ffbab6196a3dd5fb…)
I move abroad next week and I'm so excited but nervous at the same time. I'm gonna miss my family here but they seem really proud of me. I'll also be living with someone who really cares for me over there so I won't be "alone". I don't know how to get over this sense of fear.
No. 279269
File: 1659470193383.gif (14.38 KB, 56x53, 1651985728325.gif)
>>279259As a person who did the exactly same, I will be blunt. It's gonna be really tough over time. You will most likely miss your family a lot, and it will probably get worse because you will miss out on the events that happened to them, etc (at least I do). So with that in mind, I highly recommend you to visit them whenever you can. You never know when it's gonna be the last time. I did not visit my family for 2 years because I was scared of giving them COVID, now I can't visit them because of the war. The world is crazy.
And please don't depend on your partner, which is the most important rule of any relationship. IF there is at least one glimpse of him manipulating you or making you depend on him, money-wise or not, please,
nonnie, run. It's the worst, being stuck in a different country while having no one else to rely on, and they abuse that fact. Don't waste your years on someone who will bring you nothing but mind games and stress.
I wish you all the best dear
nonnie!
No. 279277
>>279269 thank you for the reply it's great to hear from someone in a similar position. It'll be a huge adjustment to have to make but I'm super excited to be making this jump in my career. You're seriously brave making a move like that though especially during covid and I really hope you're able to go back home soon and see your family.
Also, thank you for clarifying this. I'm really lucky to not be in a position where I'm dependent on him financially or emotionally.
Hoping everything goes smoothly. It's not a permanent move (I'll probably be there 5 years max) so I'm not petrified haha. Wishing you all the best with your endeavours too and best wishes to your family back home.
No. 279287
File: 1659473601860.jpg (98.48 KB, 547x546, 00000.jpg)
I've never really felt "at ease" until I met my current partner and I don't know if it's foolish of me for confiding so much in him.
My dad did some things to me that I still havent really come to terms with or told my mother because I know it would hurt her. After 18 he just completely cut me off. He won't even talk to my mother. He had always done the very minimum to take care of me. I'd pay for my own shampoo and tampons as a teenager when living with him. He would never buy me clean bedding. My partner grew up in a similar household with his mother. One example is her giving them pills just to see how they'd react to them. She still manipulates him now he is an adult. I remember raising my voice when I cut myself on a glass and he just fell to the floor shaking.
We both have very similar upbringings and I feel that's why we're both so in tune with the other. We're very compatible but something still always tells me I need to keep my distance and it's wrong of me to put so much into a man because I feel like something is going to go wrong. I've never known a life like this before where someone treats me the way he does.
No. 279289
>>279287So what are you asking for, if it's foolish or not? I think it's a good thing to have a partner who you can trust and can feel at ease at. What good is a partner if you can't trust him and be honest with him. That said, make sure you're not misinterpreting shared trauma for compatibility.
What's with the weird interjecting with they/them though.
No. 279765
>>257551I’m moving out of my parents house and I wanna start “living” life.
Top of my list is to start actually dating and lose my v card. I’m 22 autistic and never been on a date. I don’t even know how dates work.
I’m gonna join dating apps and also go out a lot more with friends.
What advice can you give to someone with literally zero dating experience venturing into this territory pretty late?
Also I’m terrible at flirting, how do you let your guard down to do that?
No. 279836
File: 1659758400928.png (Spoiler Image,13.51 KB, 656x573, whomigonnacall.png)
Tonight I discovered a fatty-feeling lump between my labia majora and my thigh. It appeared seemingly overnight. I'm trying to decide if this is a problem for a dermatologist, or a gynecologist. It's not on the actual vagina and i'm not sexually active so it's not an STD. It's also clearly subcutaneous. I'm leaning towards derm? I need other opinions on this. picrel is location.
No. 279951
File: 1659827093554.jpg (15.95 KB, 468x318, surface-lymphatics.jpg)
>>279836could it be a lymph node?
No. 279960
>>279850Interesting! I was thinking maybe a cyst too. It feels more like a lipoma, but it formed too quickly to be that. When you get it checked out come tell us what it was!
>>279856def not a pimple. it's deep under the entire layer of skin and isn't painful.
>>279951That was my first thought too, but it's way too low down to be a lymph node.
The dermatologists at my derm are so rude and dismissive, I don't even wanna go to them… But it's either that, or the gynecologists who will pressure me into my first pap that I'm overdue for. uguhhh
No. 279962
File: 1659833973997.jpg (27.96 KB, 400x533, despair.jpg)
what's an easy skill that i can learn? anhedonia has been eating me up over the years, and i've been too depressed to do much for myself lately. i want to work on that and get into something that might help me… ideas?
No. 279985
>>279964Adding
Playing the three guitar cords, cross stitching, gardening start with hearty herbs or flowers or some cacti, finger knitting is even easier than regular knitting
No. 280006
File: 1659855972993.jpg (3.18 KB, 300x168, images.jpeg.jpg)
>>279962I heard learning and making Origami is good for depression
Very easy - check. It also leaves you with nice little gifts that will make people smile.
No. 280007
>>279962Gardening/taking care of plants! It's really nice to take care of plants and see them grow.
For things that have a more direct/visible payoff, cooking or baking perhaps? Or simple sewing projects?
No. 280706
File: 1660014153964.jpeg (365.45 KB, 2000x2000, 4B09FA57-F0E7-48A5-A4DC-9979F0…)
I can’t decide whether to get earbuds or over-ear headphones
Earbuds are more portable and comfy to wear laying in bed but I enjoy the look & feel of big headphones and the fact that people leave me the fuck alone when I’m wearing them . Please help me decide nonas
No. 280712
>>280706I've been using airpods for the last couple years and I hate them. one of my ears is shaped in such a way that if I move my jaw (to eat or talk or yawn, for instance) the earphone pops out (no fix for this, I've tried different attachments and different earpod types and it's no good. I basically only use one earphone). they get dirty easily and that muffles the sound. even with careful cleaning the sound quality deteriorates significantly on its own within about a year.
I'm just listing cons, not sure if that helps you but there you go.
No. 280713
>>279962make a list of things to do. the more simple the better, but big items are fine too if you have some that need doing. do the things and cross them off the list. instant seratonin.
keep the completed lists around for a while so you can look back at them every once in a while.
might sound stupid but it cured my anhedonia permanently.
No. 280835
How do I stay motivated while working a painfully boring office job with questionable managerial practices? My manager is extremely busy and also hard to talk to because he loves talking over people, and the people on my team are 'strongly encouraged' to talk to each other when we get stuck, which in practice means everyone passes bitch work down the seniority chain until it ends up on the desks of junior employees like me. Depending on how you subdivide the tasks, I have about 6-8 distinct projects I could be doing at any given moment, and about half all have high priority because of an upcoming deadline. Hence it is extremely hard to focus on anything, and I end up feeling burnt out and paranoid that my manager is going to swoop in with a surprise phone call/video meeting/instant message asking how things are going ie why I'm not getting stuff done fast enough. I'm supposed to have weekly check-ins with my manager, but he works halfway across the country and has meetings literally all day every day so those don't exactly happen on a regular basis. On top of all that, the IT department's fetish for redundant logins/authentication and general inefficiency make it a gamble whether or not the software services I need to use will let me log in first try or not, so I literally just sit around wasting time and avoiding simple tasks that are made arbitrarily complex by all the "security" hoops I have to jump through just to open them. I know I'm complaining a lot, but it's not even been three months and I already dread the start of each working day. Should I try to stick it out for another three months? From the start I intended this to be a transitional job to pick up useful skills and cash while I finish my master's in a related but much more lucrative/rewarding field, but I'm not sure how long I can hold out like this.
No. 281357
Longpost incoming. I feel like I'm doxing myself with how detailed it is. I'd appreciate some interactions from nonna's if possible, because I've been feeling ironically lonely in all of this.
I've been struggling a lot and there's so much on my mind. Certain obstacles I know how to overcome. It simply demands effort I am not used to putting in, resulting in a lot of failures. Other components render me utterly lost. I constantly feel chaotic and uneasy.
My boyfriend lives on another continent. I met him when I lived there for about a year. My visit was intended to be temporary from the beginning, and by the end of it, I was itching to go home. Because we believe in a future together, we haven't broken up and he has come to visit me in my home country for a month.
His visit has been challenging. To preface, I already struggle to lead the balanced, structured and healthy life I aspire to. I am prone to having brainfog as well as becoming overwhelmed or anxious. I sleep poorly and am often distracted, to name a few things. I'm aware of the causes of these symptoms and know how to fix them long-term. Doing so simply takes time, and I fail constantly. It frustrates me when I fail and I hate feeling so miserable all the time. I have made a lot of progress during my year abroad, coming out of a burn out. Now I feel I'm at another turning point where I am to further improve my life. But it is slow, difficult and has a lot of friction. It demands a lot of my energy and time, alongside my career and other endeavours I have no choice but to pursue so as to move forward as a young adult.
Now that my boyfriend is in my home 24/7, his presence bombards me with stimuli I usually wouldn't get. It leads to me being unable to complete simple tasks as usual, let alone the big things I already found challenging. He is not the problem, it is rather my own weaknesses that are triggered more than usual. Moreover, since I often will look for distraction so as to avoid the discomfort of necessary change, it is easy for me to simply laze around with him all day, when really I know I shouldn't and don't want to. His presence is the perfect bait for me to sabotage myself, and I have difficulties with controlling myself. Which is unfair too, since I genuinely love being with and cuddling him. But I can't control it or balance it so I don't lose what is important to me beside him.
So overall, his visit has been super challenging in a lot of ways. Time is ticking and the end of his stay swiftly approaches.
Initially the plan was for me to join him and stay with him for the following year (Plan A). I would probably have to extend my stay to attain everything I want to, though. Ultimately, it would take about three years out of my life. I'd follow classes at a local college and work towards transfering. I made this decision myself, as I thought it was my only option to make up for deficiencies I have in my high school diploma. I want to pursue a degree in stem yet don't have all of the academic requirements as of current. Although I was sad to leave my country again, I thought this was my only choice. I was happy at least to be able to be closer to my love and come closer to my academic goals.
I recently discovered there is another option (Plan B): staying home and making up my deficiencies in less than a year, following the official route. Plan A would not necessarily ensure entry to the registration process of some of the studies I'd want to pursue. Plan B would definitely be accepted, as it is the official path recommended. I was unaware of this before as I hadn't considered the resources detailing this information.
Plan B costs about the same, I wouldn't have to pay rent as I'd still live in my home, I'd be able to keep my job, stay close to my family, wouldn't have to worry about learning to drive, I'd be done in a year, meaning I could enroll in university next year, I would be ensured of education on my level that doesn't involve unnecessary classes and I'd know this would give me access to the universities I like.
I don't know what to choose. Every individual from my country who has known me academically or works in academia recommends Plan B. Even people from the Plan A college aren't sure it's the right choice for me. But I have already made agreements with the people who funded Plan A. I believe this can still be solved, but it makes cancelling more difficult. Furthermore, it would put a strain on my relationship.
I don't want to be the girl who threw away a good opportunity for her passions for a boy who later abandoned her. I would hate that I knew better but didn't listen. Yet my boyfriend really means a lot to me. I know it's frowned upon to think this way, but humor me for a second. My boyfriend and I genuinely have a strong future together. I believe in us and so does he. I don't want to break up or sabotage what we could have. Not seeing him for a year would be awful. I know what relationships between 19 year olds are like, I know. But you will have to trust me on this one. He's not worth tossing aside without any sort of contemplation. He is worth so much more. Perhaps I could visit him in the meantime, but I can't promise it. And what would happen afterwards? Where would I study? In his country, mine? Where will we live to have the life we want, away from the city, free and with our own farm? I'm already so easily overwhelmed, I can't think that far ahead.
The best thing for me to do is just to keep improving those things I already was, that will help give me clarity and strength. But I don't have enough time now. I have basically 0 days to make this choice. It's absurd honestly that I'm considering making such a drastic change. But that's just who I am.
Everything around me is waiting for me to step up and move in the right direction, literally. My work is waiting for me to respond, my family needs confirmation of what I'm going to do, as is the school, as well as the funding, as well as my boyfriend. My clean laundry is waiting to finally be folded again since before my boyfriend arrived, my coach is waiting for me to resume my training seriously, and I am waiting for me to finally stop neglecting MYSELF. I want to become healthier, stronger, happier, studying again, moving without pain, living without constant stress or exhaustion. I know half of what to do, and half I'm utterly lost. + Just because I don't want to neglect myself, doesn't mean it's obvious I should leave my boyfriend. He is part of what brings joy to my life.
On the one hand I think I should just stay home and let him leave too. I would become stronger in the meantime, make my own friends, achieve what I must to commence the next chapter of my life and become more stable so that I won't be as overwhelmed the next time we're together. It could really benefit our future. But thinking about his absence makes me feel sick. I don't want LDR… But I could also become stronger from having to tolerate the pain, and I'd be so focused on myself it'd be better to be alone. But is that realistic, or wise? Besides, in the life of my dreams, I don't need to be single or away from my love to improve myself. Isolation isn't the answer. But is that realistic for right now? I don't know. And I'm not strong enough right now to explore these topics on time for me to make a decision. I also am afraid of living alone with my mother again, since she has always been abusive. But moving out where I live is impossible due to costs + moving out elsewhere wouldn't make sense with the education of Plan B.
I just don't know what to do. I feel like I'm drowning in so much. I know how to avoid this sensation long term, but not short term. Not knowing what to do short term makes me (feel) incapable of doing what I must for the long term. I am just stuck, overwhelmed, sad about the whole situation. I miss my boyfriend already, my family, my home, his home, his touch, my peace and balance, my passions, my joy. Ultimately I suppose the decision doesn't matter. I just need to become healthier and more balanced regardless of where I am. But it's a paradox too…
No. 281744
File: 1660448766647.jpg (288.64 KB, 1536x2048, 1cad841e229ffc7b91d46e04a0673f…)
any tips for LDRs nonnies?
No. 281760
>>281744My husband and I were in an ldr for 5 years before moving in together. What helped keep us together was meeting up at least once a year for a prolonged period of time, like for vacations. Closing the distance asap should be your goal, unless you met IRL and have different reasons for your ldr.
I think ldr's can definitely work and they're not a new, weird thing in any way. You just have to communicate daily, watch and play stuff together. Involve yourselves into each others lives completely. It's hard to keep a relationship like this going if you're both extremely social people that are barely at home though.
No. 281797
>>281744The usual advice is "don't do it unless you intend to close the distance eventually". My advice is "don't do it unless you intend to close the distance eventually for reasons unrelated to the relationship itself". As in, move to be together only if it's good for you aside from the fact that it brings you together. Don't overhaul your life for a moid, he will never appreciate it and you might very easily end up completely relying on him for social contact/codependent in the new place. Don't let a moid overhaul his life to be with you either. He will throw it in your face every opportunity he gets, manipulate and guilt the shit out of you if you ever want to break up.
Don't be blinded by teenage fantasies of tru wuv overcoming all. As an adult you should know that love is not enough to make a relationship work.
No. 281821
File: 1660499544678.gif (1.51 MB, 640x265, original.gif)
How do you handle toxicity from normie women IRL?
Ever since I entered adulthood (which I entered alone, the moment i turned 18 I moved out to a different country, all by myself.), I can't seem to be able to stand up for myself or not care about normie straight women who see me nothing but as a threat or competition, trying to make up rumors about me (despite me just existing and minding my business), acting passive-agressive despite me being polite, trying to copycat for no reason, etc.
I know why it bothers me so much. It just breaks my heart really badly, because I have always wanted to have a nice social circle of nothing but women, us just supporting eachother and knowing that men are shit (despite being attracted to them). Honestly, whenever the same happens online (i usually play Overwatch or other competitive games, but in OW that tends to happen almost all the time), as in I would witness a woman degrading another just to seem like 'not like the other girls' to pander to men, I want to cry. Anyway…
My point is, how do i stop feeling so heartbroken and troublesome whenever I experience negativity from women? It's silly how whenever a man would talk shit to me I would never care, but that is likely because i was born in a dangerous, big city when I always had to run away from creepy men, and our culture is full of men praise and misogyny which I hated. I need to calm down and accept that some people are just assholes or they were brainwashed by the idea of competition around eachother, but my loneliness is making it worse.
No. 281847
>>281796Ntayrt but could you please elaborate?
>>281797So tough, but so true…
No. 281859
So… has anyone here got a boob job? Or do you know anyone who got it? I just want some advice and opinions on the procedure
A bit of a short story to explain why I want a boob job, ever since I was little I expected that my boobs will grow but it never happened, I ended up flat chested. I know it sounds stupid, but it makes me feel less of a woman. I tried many times to shrug it off, like it's not a big deal, be confident etc but I can't stand it. I could maybe ignore the opinion of moids, but it was other women who shamed me for my lack of chest… my aunt and grandma joking about my "boyish" body, and my middle school classmates mocking me for not having the "goods". Obviously this kind of stuff made me feel insecure as fuck, as if I didn't belong with the other girls. Even now as an adult I feel like I'm missing something. Something that almost made me have a breakdown recently was when I came across a video of a TIM showing off his estrogen "tits", and they were bigger than mine, and I'm a real woman! Idk, it's just not fucking fair and I feel like a boob job would really improve my confidence and self-esteem
No. 281878
>>281847Communication is important in any relationship but it has to be even stronger in LDR. Generally when people aren't communicating or feeling unheard or mistreated they take it out in other areas of their life but a LDR partner isn't there to see that and it really just affects you unless you deal with it. Some people (including myself who has been in a LDR for almost 6 years) can struggle to bring up certain topics and if you don't just bite thr bullet the resentment can just start to build. You can't just hope your moid is going to realize that shit is building up most of them will chalk it up to shark week or crazy waman things.
The recipe for long lasting relationships is people who want the same things in life. From 20-30 those things can change wildly which is why so many relationships break down. People again need to communicate those changes and be ready to accept that if your long term goals don't match or can't exist together then maybe it's time to move on.
I started dating my partner in my mid 20s after my 1st divorce and rebound from that. Back then my partner wanted 2 kids and the usual shit we're told we want in North America and I was fine with it but fast forward to now were in our early 30s and he realizes he actually doesn't want kids. Now if you are a woman dead set on having kids it would be over don't try to change him just leave and find someone with matching goals.
I am infertile anyways thanks to PCOS and never really wanted kids but was willing to try for the right partner but this was actually a huge weight off my shoulders. My body still gets baby crazy moments but for so many reasons were actually looking into him getting the snip so we can enjoy our lives without worry.
I believe in being a realistic person once I realized this wasn't just a WoW fling and we actually wanted to be together irl and knowing what a visa process would take I just flat out nicely told him if we arent starting the visa process within 2 years then we need to stop wasting each other's time and move on, he agreed.
I will full disclosure that covid threw a huge wrench in that timeline and we are now on a new 2 year timeline but I do think people should make sure they aren't hust jerking each other around for 5+ years unless that's what they want.
No. 281881
Ok, I'm sorry for being so dumb, but unironically: how the fuck do you cope with looking like trash and also being trash? And become less self-conscious?
I was neglected/abused by my family so learned how to speak at 12 - I spoke in noises before then - and developed a few minor deformities (I have 3 bite issues, missing teeth, a crooked jaw that I've been told by an ortho I need surgery one, it hurts to talk, etc). The school got me to go to the school speech therapist for 5 years yet I still have the speaking ability of a 11 year old in my late 20s.
I am constantly exhausted and look like death. And, I have confirmed that people weren't just being "mean" when they said I look like a monster. I actually look like a giant, creepy eldritch demon. There is something deeply unsettling about the way I look. Oh and to add insult to injury, I've been on acne meds for 4 years and cut out all "fun" and tasty foods out of my diet but still have 50 cysts and the skin texture of a rotten orange. I have spent 1000$s trying to fix my looks. I also found out I have thyroid issues and sleep apnea.
To this day, my only interaction with boys in real have been them telling me I look like a man, a school shooter, that my face looks like it was hit by a train, etc. I am a kissless virgin (and no I don't want to find someone that wants a hole to fix my virginity).
So yes. I am fugly. Deeply fugly. There is 0 reconciling how fugly I am or how socially awkward I am. And yes I tried being more outgoing but I ended up being told more insults about the way I look, my teeth, my speech disability, etc. So I started feeling guilty at just existing again.
I don't even want to hate myself but most of the things I hate myself over I first received dozens of insults IRL to my face about. As a teen I THOUGHT I WAS NORMAL. But, nope.
So. I don't want to be told "you probably look average" or that "no one cares about the way you look."
No. 281882
>>281881Also–I've seen women being called "tragic looking"
consistently on LC when they have 100x better bodies/looks than me… so I don't want to be told "looks are subjective/nebulous" either.
No. 281888
>>281821I get what you mean anon. Honestly, a lot of women are very competitive with each other and it sucks. At one of my first jobs, we had a female manager that everyone hated. She wasn’t even that bad, just made a lot of noobish mistakes because she was new. The male managers (who also made noob mistakes) never got as much hate as she did. It really opened my eyes to how double standards work. Internalized sexism is very real and shitty, it sucks feeling like other women don’t have our backs when we need it most. I don’t really know the solution, but remember it isn’t all women who act like that.
>>281881I’m sorry about the abuse you suffered. It’s awful and you have a right to feel angry about it. There is a lot to unpack in what you wrote, but one thing I hope you keep in mind is that most people don’t care what random strangers look like. You don’t need to have a certain level of beauty just to exist, and you don’t exist to look good for other people. Of course looking good for yourself and having self-confidence is important, working towards small goals with daily exercise would be a huge help. Getting in shape, proper diet, good hygiene, etc, start with things you can control and go from there.
No. 281901
>>281878>including myself who has been in a LDR for almost 6 yearsjesus christ
there are the sort of people giving advice on here
No. 281929
>>281881I agree with
>>281893 that the very first thing you should do and focus on should be therapy; you said you've spend over $1000 on trying to improve your looks so I hope it means you're in a place where you can afford seeing a therapist. Do a good research, don't be afraid to change therapists in the beginning if you don't feel comfortable but definitely go for it.
Other thing that tends to help people a lot, both physically and mentally, would be training regularly. Once again, if you have the financial means, get a trainer - ideally someone with good physiotherapy knowledge, not just any rando with certificate - and really stick to the regime; it does wonders with boosting confidence with both seeing your body steadily change - better posture, nicely defined muscles and so on, but also (and maybe especially) proving yourself you can do it, you can push yourself, you can do it regularly.
But yeah, please see a therapist, it will really help setting you on the right path. There's so much bad that happened to you, you deserve having some close and personal help.
No. 282168
Hi anons, just going to preface this long-ass post with an apology kek, this is probably going to be very long (I can't reall tell though because I'm mobileposting) I need advice on how to become more confident in myself. I've always struggled with anxiety and self-esteem issues but I'm noticing it affecting me more recently. I do have friends and we do hang out and stuff, I do have people in my life that seem to like me and I like them. I just can't shake these feelings:
>I'm not "as much" of a person as my friends
>I tricked them into being friends with me and they don't know how lame and pathetic I am, and if they did they wouldn't want to be friends
>The only thing I have going for me is my looks. People really only like me and tolerate me because I'm good looking.
>My schooling situation was weird and very lacking and so I always feel stupid around people.
>I can be pretty good with conversation, but afterwards I get self-conscious because I was, and still am, obsessed with reading articles online and I really only have a shallow understanding of what I'm talking about and so I always feel like a huge fake when I talk to people
>I know I am lucky to look the way I do but I still don't really believe that I am all that good looking and I have a really hard time accepting and believing compliments
>always feel like something bad is about to happen; my friends will all find out how pathetic I am and drop me or they'll just randomly stop talking to me, etc.
>I can't even like attractive guys or even think of romantic scenarios with them because I don't think they'd ever want to get with me
Basically I have a really shitty self-esteem, I struggle with feeling "real" compared to other people, I struggle to accept and believe compliments, I feel like everything about me is fake or shallow, etc.
How do I break out of this sort of thinking? How do I stop the shitty self-esteem? I just don't want to be constantly zeroed in on my stupid, made up problems that seem to have no basis in reality considering that my friends do seem to like me and they think I'm funny. I just HATE that my brain is so occupied with these thoughts. I don't think it's normal to think about yourself so much and it makes me feel like a giant narcissist loser. And it is obviously not benefitting me in any way. I just can't stop it.
Please help a nonnie out.
No. 282171
File: 1660664970039.jpg (69.96 KB, 550x823, 550x823.jpg)
>>282168Read this book (you can pirate it from libgen and put it on your phone) and do the excersises (don't skip them). You're not gonna get better advice here than what's written in this book and this book systematically works through the whys, hows and solutions for low selfesteem.
No. 282196
File: 1660671411691.jpg (87.35 KB, 736x919, f73912f3dac55a8adb86c9d07b5740…)
I got mistaken for a boy 4 times this week. Each time I go outside for a whole week I'm sure I'll get mistaken for a dude. I'm short, i have short hair, I'm lean and i wear loose clothes. I love doing sports and I usually like more conventionally male activity such as team sports and robotics, and I think that's quite stupid to say because most women are behind modern tech, and team sports is more enjoyed and soulful in female team than male teams.
Also, I was told I have the male type of autism aka Jordan Peterson one. Being from north Africa descent, i have strong features. I remember how the app giggle read me as a man, but read an Asian troon a woman. I'm tired of being called a tranny each time I voice chat because I do have this monotonous frog voice. I wish I could shine feminity. At least when I was fat my curves read better, now I just look like some Pakistani dude and each time I look at my jaw, I wonder whether to shave it like scrotes tell me to or to just troon out and become an ayden.
I get picked on by men telling me that I'm a failed woman, and by women telling me I'm a failed man. It deeply hurts me that even when it's as a joke, as a banter and I answer back, it still hurts a lot to be treated almost less than a tranny because I have ethnic features and bad socialization. The way I dress doesn't help either, but I'd rather die than be seen in a tight office dress (i have a hourglass figure and all fashion magazine tell me to dress like a Latina hooker lol), i dress, look and act like an ayden AKA I'm GNC, and it's pretty much out of the picture for me to change in order to please handmaiden and scrotes.
I'm looking for advices to learn how to stop caring about it all, I'm not even speaking about self acceptance yet or self love. Because I know it's what I should do. No matter how much fat I lose or how much hair I grow, I'll always be this way. My ex who dated me came out as a homosexual femboy last year, so I just know for a thing that men interested in me are just testing the water in their closet. It's something I can't change, at least not without surgery, and I'd be no less different than an insecure self hating ayden if I did that.
No. 282307
File: 1660724040952.jpg (136.99 KB, 690x388, misaeng_17_11.jpg)
How do you 'cure' executive dysfunction?
I'm constantly behind with deadlines at work and need to work overtime and on the weekends to finish projects that anyone could have done it in the allocated worktime. This has always been an issue and I also make careless mistakes for which I've been fired before. I just feel like as long as I'm going to work (and I obviously need to) I'm doomed to feel inaduequate every single day. I tried productivity apps and calendars but always stop using after a week or so. I feel hopeless and have a hunch I'll be fired soon (again). This is also an issue with personal things like my hobbies, if a hobby takes too much effort, I cannot make myself do it. Also, I'm wondering if switching to some sort physical work like cleaning would be better because it only involves one work process instead of several, like in office jobs
No. 282488
>>282196Instead of taking their banter tell them that you'll always be a woman no matter what they say. If their jokes hurt you, you shouldn't pretend that you're unaffected by them. Be more aggressively confident in the way you are. Sometimes people need to be reminded that gender sterotypes are not the same as biological sex, that they're dumb and meaningless, and that being either sex is not about wearing certain clothes or having a particularly high/low pitched voice.
>My ex who dated me came out as a homosexual femboy last year, so I just know for a thing that men interested in me are just testing the water in their closetHey, there was a moid in high school who had a massive crush on me but I didn't return his feelings and we had an argument one day so we stopped talking to each other. He became gay after high school which shocked me. The fact that you had a boyfriend who later turned out to be gay doesn't mean anything, you are still a woman and gay men don't like vaginas, and this sort of thing happens to a lot of women regardless of whether they are masculine or not. If you don't fit the conventional beauty standards of the society you live in, you just have to wait until you meet another person who doesn't fit or doesn't care, someone who will appreciate you for who you are.
>>282317NTA but I have a similar problem (although arguably worse) and the doctor said I don't have ADHD.
No. 282525
File: 1660855788480.png (333.89 KB, 493x533, 19038210987435.png)
How do I make myself want something? Besides a job to keep myself fed and the lights on. I don't have one right now, because the one gimmick that i can use to earn money doesn't make me money consistently (native English speaker in a non-eng country, and I am just not a good teacher for kids, who are the only people i can realistically teach right now). I took a horribly timed gap year after high school, 19 and started job hopping since spring.
I have hobbies, one i might want to turn into a career later (editing), but you have to have drive to put yourself out there in the first place.
Maybe i have depression? But I really dont feel that bad when I'm not thinking about how shit my life is going. But, I also can't go longer than 5 minutes with no distractions and feel okay about which, if any, direction my life is going.
No. 282546
>>282543Oh and this is in a span of a few months. I haven't made it a point to actively look for things or do research yet.
If I were to do it, I'd figure I'd learn how to recondition/fix things, furniture, etc., so I can actually add value and not just be a parasite. I have a garage full of all types of tools I inherited.
I just fear it's something that millions of people want to do already so I'm really telling myself that there's no way I can do it.
No. 282596
>>282525You have wants already. You have the motivation. The only thing you're lacking is self-discipline.
Focus on that. Make schedules for yourself, make timed goals, follow through.
No. 282602
>>282543It's not dumb if it's working. You clearly have an eye for interesting items, and maybe could try to find some niche on top of that and actually learn about it to rely on knowledge on top of intuiton (like people who resell fine porcelain), but if your ways work out well for you, thats not even necessary. Idea to maybe do some renovation is great as well; I imagine if you curated your store to sell items with a specific look to them you'd definitely have some customers; as finding these (in thrift stores or flea markets or so) takes a lot of time and a lot of looking through really boring things to discover some gems.
Honestly it's a really good idea to at least try out for longer term, you shouldn't question it.
No. 282677
File: 1660944787432.jpeg (21.11 KB, 432x272, A874C8C0-1DC5-4340-BAAF-18AFB7…)
I am absolutely terrified of driving. I passed my test over 10 years ago, drove for 6 months and then had a nasty crash that was my fault. The person I hit was understandably really rude and I ended up having to call my parents to help me out as I had no idea what to do in that scenario. In the handful of times I’ve driven since I’ve been absolutely filled with dread and feel out of control the entire time. It feels like I’m driving a tank and have no idea how to gauge where I am. I have no idea how I would judge distance when parking or how to make sure the end of the car isn’t going to hit into edges of driveways, I don’t think my driving instructor taught me this. I’m almost 30 and the fear of driving is starting to hold me back, not being able to go camping with friends and limiting where I can search for jobs. The problem is how to relearn to drive when I already have the license, there doesn’t seem to be any driving instructors for people who have already passed. I guess I’m looking for advice on how I’d go about relearning and not being filled with intense anxiety and wanting to cry every time I think about being behind a wheel.
No. 282730
File: 1660978717304.jpg (161.65 KB, 1200x600, PLAY-4354-PMDRTDX-PQ01_2x1_Q1_…)
How do I learn how to write in a more natural and fun way? Not for the purpose of writing essays, but more a in natural, harmonious, and witty way?
I was told I sound like a retarded zoomer online when I was asking for help about an abusive family member online (they did help me though). Also told that I write like an accountant, zestlessly and without any harmony. And I was asked if I am ESL (I am not).
I've seen 100s of off-topic jabs like this online and I'm tired, and reminded of how I learned how to talk years after other kids. I loathe that I express myself like a canned sardine.
Also, I always wanted to write short stories for myself, yet never did because I'm so afraid of seeing my words–just like I am of experiencing my own thoughts. I've suppressed soo many opportunities where I can play around or express myself just because I wanted to protect my own ego. We all have to start somewhere, right?
No. 283060
>>282730use a little bit of rhetorical questions in a way to make fun of your situation or yourself (not in context of your
abusive family member). Also allow yourself to write some shorter sentences
No. 283191
File: 1661238887391.png (6.51 MB, 2193x1717, MP_Parasocial_Page1.png)
Are there any books that help parasocial people? You know, the types who end up depending on a streamer or a youtuber. My friend is a truck driver, his life is nothing but job>gym>home, so he saw this random streamer on twitch and he genuinely thinks that the more he throws money at her, the better there is a chance "he can fix her", despite being a depressed man himself, wasting time on a fan Discord. Even worse is that he is aware of being parasocial and is proud of it. He even dreams of living with her and taking care of her, despite this content creator making a paywalled sex content for everyone.
I adviced him to get a hobby, he started doing art. But he is still living in his delusions.
No. 283201
File: 1661246045913.jpg (22.76 KB, 314x499, 41 QNpjsTWS._SX312_BO1,204,203…)
>>283191>>283198You could give him a selfhelp book or informative book like irl to give him insight in his behaviour but it's unlikely to do anyhing, desire for change is intrinsic. That's why selfhelp books keep selling as well as they do.
No. 283347
File: 1661322564916.png (1.78 MB, 1024x1024, ohsl3ganq6e91.png)
This is about to sound so fucking pathetic. I know it, but I can't shake it.
I see other women on campus and they're gorgeous, know how the fuck to be FEMININE, etc. They can do the stupid fucking "girly heyyy" shit, I absolutely cannot, but they befriend so many people, they're CONFIDENT ENOUGH to be touchy with everyone and FUCK this one girl I know is just spot on, beautiful, everything is cut out for her.
I try, but I look at myself in the mirror and I go "fuck, what a failure of a woman". When I try, I go "why bother? You won't ever be as good as she will." And I change right back. My smile fades when I take photos of myself. When I see her IG. Her stories, her traveling, her boyfriend, the people that care about her celebrating her birthday. I spent my birthday working. I ate a cake I bought myself in a Walmart parking lot after my shift. Her birthday was a week after mine, and I saw her IG posts, and I fucking sobbed.
FUCK me. It just feels like I'm fucked at this point. I was a recluse in high school & middle school, and college just isn't enough to change how fucking lukewarm I am. My self-loathing has never been higher since meeting her.
No. 283363
File: 1661335449070.jpg (106.89 KB, 850x1182, __shirogane_naoto_persona_and_…)
>>282488Thank you so much, nonette. Yesterday I talked to said friend about the situation as she's guilty of razzing me. She's hyperfem too, it doesn't help yet complains about tomboys and butches disappearing for the tranny propaganda. I told her she can't complain about it when enabling said problem, because it always happens and after some point of a GNC woman being in such an unsupportive climate , i do feel numb about it, but it's because I grow to be alienated of my own body like walking in a fog, jfc I have gender dysphoria diagnosis and it's what made me stop seeing enablers of this masquerade (therapists and psychiatrist ). I also talked to my boyfriend about it, and I vented to him my concerns and such, and he reassured me telling me I am more of a woman people give me credit for, because the biological sex I have is the one of a woman. I think I will just cut ties with my friend if she keeps doing that, though, because I clearly expressed how inappropriate her behavior is when she's also moaning about tranny propaganda. She called my style "FtMCore" and it was the last straw.
Because those people, and most of the time feminine women keep calling me an egg, FtMcore, TiF, a failed woman, even if it's as "jokes" I'll never make it in one piece if I don't cut them off my life
And scrotes sexualizing my "tomboy attitude" isn't any better than that.
It takes more than a strong backbone to live through this. It doesn't hurt it just makes me feel even more disconnected with my body and sense of self.
No. 283364
>>283347Are you me? I can relate to everything you said, down to being a recluse in middle school and high school (I actually dropped out in 10th grade)
I think we'll just have to accept that we'll never be Stacies
No. 283370
>>283347You know all the things you mentioned are perfectly attainable. We're not talking about becoming famous and buying a billion dollar mansion. You can make friends, you can get a boyfriend, you can travel, you can do something fun for your next birthday, you can be a girlygirl (or whatever you meant by feminine), you can learn to be confident. These are all things utterly and entirely within your reach, you just won't get there tomorrow. You'll have to decide to work towards it every single day, one step at a time. And the sooner you stop sulking and obsessing over this one girl and start putting that time and energy towards yourself, the sooner you'll get there. Try to think about what you must do to get what you want. What can you do to get friends and an active social life? Maybe it's reaching out to people on campus, maybe it's going to parties, maybe it's getting in on social outings with people at your job. What must you do to travel? Work and save money? Maybe you already have to money and all you need to do is actually take the initiative to go through with it. Maybe you can go on a spontaneous roadtrip this weekend. You don't know how to be """feminine""? What does that entail to you, girlygirl clothes and makeup and cute hair? You don't now how to do that? OK, watch youtube tutorials, you've got the internet at your finger tips. You lack self confidence? OK, maybe get a selfhelp book (one was recommended upthread), maybe you just need exposure and do shit irl that helps you gain confidence. Maybe it's something else, google what you need to do to get confidence, again the internet's at your finger tips.
You can have everything that girl has, think about how you can attain it in your life, what (small) steps are involved to get you there. What can you do today to put yourself one step towards what you want? It's a process and probably a long one but you can have it too.
No. 283690
>>283680Period loss is sign of hormone disruption. Are you having other symptoms:
>> hot flashes >> mood swings >> growing lots of fine hair >> growing sudden dark hair in places abnormal like chin >> stomach and bathroom issues>> headachesWhat else is going on beside the period?
Have you tried drinking your calories when it’s hard. Like protein shakes full of nut butter and greens and fruit.
No. 283716
File: 1661540756380.gif (333.63 KB, 600x450, tumblr_ph9y3bVTY71ugdbgro2_500…)
I feel overwhelmed by all the components needed to be a healthy person. Good diet; consistent hygiene; restful sleep; time spent outdoors; fulfilling relationships; cultivating skills, interests, hobbies; stimulating, gainful employment. I can barely get out of bed. I struggle to remember what day of the week it is. How am I supposed to do any of this, and more importantly, how am I supposed to want it? Genuinely. I'm aware that I need to take care of myself and get better and improve, because right now I am living the non-life of a totally depressed shut-in. But if I really wanted to be better, wouldn't I be working on it already? Wouldn't I be able to do at least one good thing for myself instead of rotting alone in my room everyday? Clearly I'm more invested in my own misery. Clearly I don't feel compelled to actually change.
So please, how do I start wanting to be better, or at least try to better myself even without wanting it or feeling like I deserve it? I've spent the past several months paralysed, on a downward spiral, becoming more and more inert with each passing day. I am a NEET with zero responsibilities so there really is no excuse to be like this. I have tons of free time, I'm not being actively abused anymore, I don't worry about food, shelter, or money. Yes I am mentally ill, so that makes things difficult I guess, and one thing I would like to do is get professional psychological help, but I'm too scared to call the doctor to arrange an appointment. I'm too scared to do anything but sleep all day. I have always been fucked in the head but it hasn't been this bad in years.
Please, any advice? Where do I start? How do I start and how do I keep going? My circumstances right now are thankfully very, very fortunate but I'm running out of time to get myself together. As I am now there's no way I can function in the real world. I'm so tired of "living" like this.
No. 283722
>>283715I think revenge never really helps. Don't waste your time worrying about such people, remove them from your life and move on. You'll be happier because you'll be thinking about them less.
Also, some people can't change, they won't learn a lesson.
No. 283772
>>283716Sorry
nonnie but the only one that can really get the help you need is you and you gotta make that call. If you are able to have someone you trust that can be with you to make that call, then ask them. Making that call to the doctor is starting on the journey fam. It will stop and start but at least you'll be on the path. Also the first therapist probably won't solve your problems, but may make you more aware of your situation. You can do it and you will do it. Do it! Do it! Do it!
No. 283778
>>283716I just got out of this situation, bleak two year depression/anxiety type stuff over the same thing.
When you're solving problems like for math worksheets in school, you never are expected to solve all the problems at once, but one at a time, even if there are 40 addition problems on the sheet, you have to start with one and work your way down.
Life is just like that math worksheet, you have to pick one problem and start working on it before the next. It doesn't have to be a hard problem, just brush your teeth, or wash your face.
Soon you'll be able to add another one on top.
I didn't move onto my next problem until I knew I had gotten hang of the first problem, it might take a week, it might take a month, but you'll get there.
Asking yourself for perfection, or to solve every problem at once is just setting yourself up for failure.
Good luck
nonnie, find a therapist if you can.
No. 283781
>>283716healthy people learned to do a little at a time and built up habits over time; you can do it too. Start with building discipline and add it to your routine, over time you will start doing it out of habit and can keep adding more. Sleep is the most important to help with other habits. If it's related to depression, see if you can find a doctor to help you. Start taking melatonin and try to find a consistent bedtime. Excercise and getting outside can help regulate your circadian rhythm. Having a shit sleep schedule is frustrating, I know firsthand. But at least try tackling it, any progress is better than nothing. Don't obsess over perfection with it though because that becomes even more frustrating; then focus on food and physical excercise to help you feel better.
>how am I supposed to want it?When you start feeling better, you notice and want to keep going. You have to look at your life and decide if you want to keep doing the same thing with no results or try and take advantage of the life you have.
>I'm not being actively abused anymoreAbuse is hard to process but you can do it. I'm sorry people hurt you. It will take time but the little things add up to feeling better.
No. 283914
>>283907You really need to focus on getting clean from drugs.
>for my muscle aches from tensingYou're a junkie.
No. 283929
>>283926I gave excellent advice. Anon should prioritise her health. I see in her the typical addict denial and excuses. Addiction will ruin your life. And the life of others around you.
The thing with junkies is, you've got to cut through their bullshit. They're master bullshitters, particularly to themselves.
No. 284277
File: 1661782550207.png (390.43 KB, 640x640, image_2022-08-30_001527831.png)
I just got an interview at Sephora but I'm not super into makeup or makeup culture, what should I do? I'm in desperate need of a job so I applied for anything I could, and it's a new store position so I will apparently have a lot more training than employees usually get. Is there any way to quickly expand my makeup knowledge to seem more worthy?
No. 284335
File: 1661800634733.png (421.45 KB, 620x300, JAlyCN.png)
I mostly get what I need to do (eat less) but, has anyone else just went through rapidly gaining weight and been overwhelmed?
I've seem to have gained like…6 pounds in the span of two weeks (yes, I've been weighing myself consistently) and I don't know how it even happened, looking back at my food diary. It's so disappointing but I only blame myself.
And I know it's not just random because my bra and pants feel tighter. Sigh. Losing it again will be such an uphill battle.
No. 284669
File: 1661974301153.jpeg (799.19 KB, 1242x984, 4D624D9D-352B-480D-BEBC-948918…)
Nonas I feel like such a coward bc I’m terrified of moving out. I grew up with extremely overprotective parents who didn’t allow me to do anything alone. Now I’m scared I’m gonna get kidnapped/assaulted etc. every time I will need to go out by myself. I know it’s my anxiety speaking for the most part but how do I get rid of this fear/or at least make it better? Any advice related to moving out for the first time is also appreciated.
No. 284683
>>284669>Now I’m scared I’m gonna get kidnapped/assaulted etc. every time I will need to go out by myself.Ask yourself: Is this a reasonable fear? Especially if you go out during the day? Do you even live in a dangerous area?
>Any advice related to moving out for the first timeDon't forget that you've got the internet at you finger tips. You'll definitely run into things you don't know how to do/use/whatever, google is your answer. Definitely try to solve things on your own before asking your parents, it builds independence and confidence. There's almost nothing you can't solve with the help of the internet.
Also it's okay to feel some negative emotions, nervousness about a new unfamiliar situation is OK. You'll gain confidence in yourself along the way.
No. 284771
>>284023Actually I'm kind of sure I have it. I had only one day where I got a good sleep and the dark circles I had since I was 5 (which none of my family members have) disappeared, I could think and speak so much better, I had energy, people immediately freaked out at how much better I looked, and honestly I felt like the rest of my life had just been a nightmare starting from the second I woke up.
I just told myself it was random and it's normal to get horrible sleeps, so idk.
>>284251Wow, wasn't aware of this. A while back my doctor referred me for ferritin only and I was tested as pretty low. Been supplementing for months now, though.
No. 284795
>>284787not entirely certain as I thought my friend knew me well enough to know I'm a decent person but this other girl can be a very convincing liar. I actually very nearly cut someone off because of a lie this girl told about them being
abusive. but she is known by most for being a compulsive liar and a drama queen so I just expected my friend to be more discerning. more fool me I guess !
No. 284871
>>284801it seems like most people retain the friends they make in college throughout their life. Some people are lucky enough to make work friends or be into some obscure hobby that guarantees an instant friend group. Other than that I don't think there's much hope. I'm in the same boat, I had friends in high school but didn't make a single friend in college which I think is extremely abnormal but whatever, and my high school friends and I have drifted apart. It would bother me more if I wasn't a complete introvert. It sounds like you actually want to go do things though, and you say you've hit the
>we should hang out sometime!stage with people, so isn't the obvious solution to… invite them somewhere? Just for a little outing, like "hey, i found this cool shop, wanna check it out with me this weekend?" or casual things like that. Are you stuck because you are waiting for them to invite you? If you want it, make a move.
No. 286420
Should I detach myself from my moid friend? A year ago I started uni and went into my course not knowing anyone, but I managed to make a singular friend and it was only because me and her take the same train from the same place everyday. I get along fine with her, I wouldn't say we're extremely close because our conversations never get too deep, but nonetheless she's someone to have the day to day conversations with and not seem like a complete loner. Fast forward a few months and we get assigned randomly our lab partners, and she's with this moid who looks like your stereotypical redditor. He's fat, ungroomed, wears exclusively hoodies and is obviously autistic. Now, I myself am autistic but I know how to mask myself mostly, so I did pity him in a way because I understand the struggles we face. But my sympathy only goes so far for autistic moids for obvious reasons. Anyway, from him, this sort of friendship group formed between me, girl from train friend and him, as well as two other girls who he is friends with. We would all hang out at uni and walk places together but I never hung out with them much outside of uni because I've been really antisocial this past year and have lacked motivation to change that. During the summer however, I have called the moid many times to play games like Stardew Valley with him because we both are into similar games and honestly he was just someone to talk and play with. But through these frequent calls where we've had the chance to talk more intimately 1 to 1, I've learned a lot of things about him that make me want to an hero. Here is the rundown on him:
>Claims he's bisexual but admits to not being interested in dating dudes, only 'chicks with dicks' aka femboys
>Is way too into the stereotypical autistic moid shit like pokemon, starwars, lego and his whole room is reflective of this (he even has a katana hanging up on his wall above his bed)
>Has admitted to owning a fleshlight
>Talked about wanting to be pegged by a 'dommy mommy'
>Has a huge boner for Lady Dimitrescu
>Gets genuinely offended when reminded he is single, constantly complains about being a virgin and never having experienced the touch of a woman
>Has admitted he has a crush but wont tell me who, makes me worry that it's me
>Doesn't believe that BMI is a good indicator of health at all and justifies this by saying it was a bogus claim made my some racist white man
>Is just generally bad at grooming and taking care of his hygiene like most moids. Grew his beard out during summer to have a literal neckbeard.
>Keeps talking about how 'small' I am despite being 5'5 which is average for female and talks about himself like he's some muscle man so strong grrr when in reality he's just fucking fat
>Has the soy laugh
>Is a self-described feminist despite calling women bitches and occasionally making the same tired jokes about women
At this point nonas I feel like I am friends with a younger version of Vaush. How tf do I get out of this nightmare without getting grief from an angry manchild? I feel trapped
No. 286430
How do you deal with your best friend and you trying to meet up (and no she is not avoiding me) and being busy with life,
>but her (during the time she was almost always free) meeting up with her other friends (and going to several concerts) or driving to her partner to another city the whole time she was free and only giving you dates, where you can spend at most 3 hours together (because of my internship ending late and everything closing at this hour) or like one weekend date, where you alreayd implied that you have to write a paper?
I know I am petty but
>she and her other friends meet up more often than we do since like a year (because my college lesson hours are weird and bad to meet up) and her relationship won't last anyway because they live in different cities and neither one wants to move, her other friends also didn't know even one week before she got in a relationship with her that she likes her (and in general she was very unsure the whole time and told like no one about her) and her girlfriend is a ftm, who at minimum already got her breasts removed but you can't tell because she is very overweight and has a very feminine face (and tbh my friend is very sporty, thin so the only think they have in common is anime, cosplay and the lgbt scene, which I think she will grow out in a few years and then they will have nothing in common)?
>We tried to actively met up since 3 months and while I also didn't have always time, I just grew to resent her a little bit to always make time for everyone, so that in the end she has only a few dates "left", where I don't have time.
I didn't tell her this but the one time I wanted to meet up with her we could have had a sleepover (like we tried to do since a year) and she was not free on the day because she met up with a friend and THEIR friends but would have had time the day before and after. The day before (because of my internship) would have only been a max. 3 hours meeting and the day after I had to write my paper for a course, where I already would have comprimised one day just so we could have met up. She doesn't know this and I kind of feel bad for being mad at her for this, but
>it reminds me of a few years ago, where she had like a 2 years phase, where she almost never had time because she always met up with new friends (who almost always changed) and made plans with them for the next 4 months.
I think she finally got that I am mad at her because she has phases, where she does not respond until like 3 days later even though I see her being online. We chatted at the beginning of the month and I asked very early in the morning, if she has time to do a video call today. I saw her the whole day being online several times and I wrote to her during the evening something among the lines "fine". She apologised the next day and said something amoung the lines that she wrote with someone about a possible flat for her (but even then she could have responded and she also did it months before sometimes and wrote to her other friends) and I just ignored her then because that excuse is just too stupid. Now 2 weeks later she writes me something like how are you and how is your college life and I didn't read this message until 2 weeks later and still did not respond after reading it.
I know I am petty but things like that hurt and if she would treat others that way, I wouldn't be hurt.
>In the past she forgot my birthday like twice (but we know each other since almost 10 years, so it is not that bad) but for her other friends she could do a calender appointment in her phone to not forget it and she once even said to me that she does not respond to one person, who messaged her, because she does not want to do it in the moment and wrote to others.
>Whenever we fought because of it (or rather I was mad and told her the reason), she always begged me and cried to stay friends with her and after that she would always treat me better for a while.
Idk, I am just annoyed and mad but at the same time I know she means no evil and is not doing it on purpose. She also knows I don't like going out that much and that I don't like meeting a lot of people, which is why I never hang out with her friends (and honestly a lot of her friends were mentally ill in the sense of either ed, suicidal and/or being ftm or non-binary, so I avoided them) but I hate being like an afterthought for her. I don't have a lot of friends and she is nice (expect for this) and idk, if I should write something back (and what should I write back) or if I should wait until she writes me again. This is like the 3 or 4 time I am mad at her because of something like this (even though this time it is not as bad as it was the other few times, I just get reminded of the other times and it makes me more mad).
Idk, I am probably also dissapointed that she did not try to have more dates free so that we can meet up because a lot of the people she meets up with are people she sees like once a month. We last saw each other in person almost over a year ago and she has so many friends that she could fill the free dates very quickly anyway
No. 286992
>>286838I'm not proud of myself for being his friend, and I want to get out ASAP, but I don't know how to go about it. As
>>286654 said, I'll try starting out by crushing any and all hopes of doing anything with me, and then distance myself as much as possible. This is the first male friend I've had and definitely the last, they are all disgusting scrotes.
No. 287446
>>287211I wrote this several times because the website crashed, so I forgot some things to mention last time.
> I am into anime and manga too, so I am not judging her for it, she just obsesses over her interest so much (even back then when she had another interest) that a lot of people (even our classmates) told her it is unhealthy. She even had a phase where she walked with a big lgbt flag around everywhere etc. and was so obsessed with becoming part of her (bad) friends group that she though she is non-binary with they/him pronouns and had to tell everyone her sexuality when literally all they said was "hi, how are you?". She even says herself that she obsessed over it too much> I told her everything I wrote down here because I believe in being honest with your friends and she also tells me everything which bothers her about me. I told her all that nicely and she even mentioned that some of her friends said similar things. Just because we are friends does not mean that I can't be critical of some things, which maybe could help her> Her girlfriend was one of the people (with some of her friends) who encouraged her to drop out of high school (because half of her friends dropped out or were younger than her and wanted to make themselves feel better than her by having her drop out and still graduating high school and having more accomplished than her). I was the only friend of hers, who actively said she should not drop out for over a year.> Her friends, who tried to make her drop out of school also encouraged her at the same time to waste all the money she saved (for a phone etc.) on cosplay and back then she was a bad case of being unable to say no. They even tried to make her gift them expensive cosplay gifts, so is it honestly not understandable that I dislike most of them? They also bothered her about a lot of private things during the weeks she had to take her graduation exams and in general bothered her a lot about mental things, which they moved on quickly but they knew she did not move on quickly. Because of this stress she even lightly self-harmed herself with rubber bands, pulled on her hair a lot and cried. Thanks to them she had the worst grades out of our whole year, when she was actually a little above average with her grades usually. They knew she had projects to be graded and pressured her into hanging out with them and leading her to make bad projects because of her wasting time with them because a lot of them threatened to kill themselves if she does not comfort them. Sure, my friend should have said no, but they also should have not taken advantage of her, especially when they knew that it affects her a lot (they also had other friends, but they did not drop everything for them like she did) and that she couldn`t say no in the past> My bff had an eating disorder and everytime she saw an overweight person she was triggered into not eating (which is why I mentioned the girlfriend is overweight) and in the past the gf was also one of the people, who triggered her into not eating. I was the one, who made her eat and had to tell her for almost 3 years that a person, who weighs 20 kg (44 lbs) more and is smaller than her is not thinner than her and that she is ill. I (and some of her better friends) worry that it will trigger her again into an eating discorder to be together with her> She blocked her now girlfriend a few years ago for almost a year for being overly pushy and kind of creepy towards her and did not really accept a no from her (and the gf liked her pictures on instagram for over two years, when my friend tried to avoid contact and wrote to her again and again, even when my friend would not respond). My friend talked a little bad about her (and one of her friends also knows her girlfriend and find her very weird and pushy too). And my friend talking bad about someone, despite having been a pushover back then, meant she was really uncomfortable> Her better friends (and even her bad ones) literally all find it also weird and think the relationship is bad for her. One person even hung out with her girlfriend in groups several times and found her also weird. We all also think that her gf does drugs (hopefully only the lighter stuff) and is slowly encouraging her to do it too and is wasting a lot of money in general. > And again neither of them want to move but live almost 3 hours away by car (and neither own one), so how is that supposed to work out?> We only heard bad things about her before and her now gf being overly clingy and kind of stalkerish and now suddenly she is okay with it, when it creeped her out for years? She even had at least 2 nightmares about her. Also, her gf was one of the people who lowered her self-eestem indirectly so the whole chase and maybe her saying to her that she won`t find anyone to date (which my friend is afraid of, she can't stay alone and she thought she will find no one ever to date her) manipulated her into it at least a little bit. Also, only my friend is visiting her (and now that she works, she can`t) while her gf never traveled to her in those 3 months.So yes, her other friends do that too, they often made fun of her in groups, took advantage of her and tried to pressure her into dropping out and spending money on them. Some of her better other friends also seem to be in a similar situation, where she barely has time for them because she always spends her time with someone else (she literally has over 60 friends, who she actively hangs out with, even if she is not actually friends with them or going to anime conventions. They don't interest me but because we barley get to hang out, I said I would be okay to go to one of them too and she was really hyped up about it and said she knows I don't like the bigs groups she joins at such events that she would only focus on me to make me not regret it). Maybe I am not a perfect friend (which I never said I am) but a lot of her friends are worse and I have good reasons to dislike them and being critcal of her gf (especially since I am not the only one, who thinks like that). We all also don't really know how to talk about her gf because she is very secretively about her (which makes us worry more because she is someone who always overshares everything). I could write even more about this whole situation, but I think it will be too much. I just wanted to let you know that there is more to it and that her other friends think similar about it
No. 287576
File: 1663017421052.gif (7.84 MB, 498x468, F183180E-97CA-445B-ABCF-71F909…)
Nonas, how do I stop wanting to consoom photocards aka pretty but useless cardboard?
I’m not a kpop stan but I started listening to this one group a while ago, and at first I thought it was stupid to buy anything other than an album or two, but like a year later now it’s really hard to resist preordering albums/merch for the photocards. For some reason I’ve always like the idea of collecting something but never liked the clutter that comes with it, and photocards barely take any space.
Aside from that I dont collect and rarely spend on unnecessary things, I only have like 7 photocards right now, I’ve spent a total of around 50€, and just seeing my little “fangirl corner” on the desk puts me in a better mood every day. But my income isn’t high and should save for other things I know will actually be useful, it’s like my lizard brain wants to focus on what makes me happier right now rather than what could improve my life in the long run.
Maybe I’m overthinking this, and it’s not that bad to have this one guilty pleasure? I have like two brain cells and they’re not very rational fml
No. 287672
>>287667>26>30 soonit's only 4 more years,
nonnie, and 4 years is a lot!
No. 287702
>>287667Just don't care, the more unapologetic you are about the things you like, the more you will enjoy them without worrying about whatever sourpuss has to say about you.
And if you're extremely unapologetic, other people will even praise you for liking what you like, specially when it's something like k-pop or I don't know, cosplay, parkour or whatever.
Life doesn't end at 30, what are you going to do when you're 30 years old? Delete anything k-pop related and only listen to country music and opera? You don't need to change what you like unless you just got bored of it, but changing because of how some literal-who-nobody says that you're "too old" is more immature than liking what you like because you like it.
No. 287783
>>287667as
>>287777 said, it's more childish to give a shit what people think of your hobbies. just own it, what do you have to prove to people? your interests are nobody else's business and you are the person who suffers if you stop doing something you like out of embarrassment. it's not as if you're looking at cp or stealing from church collection trays or carjacking kek
No. 287945
There's this guy I met some time ago. He's very kind, we share the same sense of humor and hobbies and his personality is quite likeable, I think I'm kind of attracted to him in personality terms, but phisically, he's just not my type, at all. Sometimes I think about dating him, since he likes me too, but simply, I don't feel phisically attracted to him. My female socialization makes me think -Oh, but you won't find a hot, kind man anywhere, so date him, looks don't matter. But I truly desire a kind, hot dude!
Should I skip the appearance part of him and date him? or rest proudly in virginity until I find the exact same type of man I want both physically and mentally?
By the way, I know dating males is lame kek.
No. 288201
>>288171Don't be afraid of bumping up the price a little bit; it might take longer.
This is only a bad idea if you think demand will fall soon.
No. 288770
>>288332I don’t have any sources but I always felt like it’s a backwards way of trying to justify why someone would feel so bad internally. The line of logic is while being an orphan is obviously objectively a worse life, at least there would be a clear reason as to someone would be depressed as a teenager.
I had similar feelings at that age because I had some pretty severe mental health issues but was in complete denial that my home life was as bad as it was. It was so hard to explain exactly what was going on at home and no one believed me anyways. I would daydream about worse but tangible things happening to me so other people would finally see what was going on. Ironically enough I definitely did already have a lot of very obvious traumatic events in my life already by that point but I was so ashamed of them I couldn’t even talk about them.
This definitely can’t be applied to every situation but those are just my two cents.
No. 288869
File: 1663623238741.jpg (377.45 KB, 1078x999, Cat.jpg)
My boyfriend's mum is suffering from addiction and her mental health has just plunged. He has tried to help her with her manic episodes, but she started threatening and insulting him. She's now harassing him as he won't give her money/time. She contacted his work and is telling them more lies and tried to contact his dad (her ex husband) who she assaulted in the past. She has serious delusions of grandiose like that God is telling her to become a doctor and that she is a great scholar and saviour. She also started telling my boyfriend to cheat on me and leave me for a woman she had met.
If anyone has advice with how to help someone suffering from addiction/psychotic episodes it would really help. She is making serious threats that I am worried may actually become a reality because she has been violent in the past.
No. 288893
>>288888Hey thank you for taking the time to respond. His family and him are open to having her committed, but I think they're looking at what grounds they can actually do it. Like you said, there needs to be some threat of violence towards either another person or herself but she has only made these threats over the phone. She was previously committed when my boyfriend was about 7 years old. Sadly, it seems she's used and used her family to the point they really don't have the time or money to argue with her and get her help.
We have tried talking to her in a way where we don't outright deny the delusions but that seems to just make her even more agitated. We want to do everything we can to prevent her from being committed but I think there's no other option.
No. 288898
>>288893You’re welcome and
>> Like you said, there needs to be some threat of violence towards either another person or herself In most places they need to believe she is an immediate risk to herself or another human being, the reason to explain it is because she is an adult and if she was in her right mind and not a risk taking away her rights temporarily and having her committed would be a human rights violation but in extreme cases such as one where direct harm is a risk it’s not.
Is she currently seeing a specialist of any kind or properly medicated? I know you said she’s struggling with addiction, but I also know that not everyone is honest with their psych or therapist and paranoid people especially don’t tend to be honest.
She’s most likely going to need professional help, even if you want to avoid commitment. So if she isn’t seeing someone she needs to be, none of you are most likely going to be able to convince her she’s wrong or she needs medication and to stop whatever else she is taking. You’re too close and she expects that, coming from an outside source can throw her off guard and the right specialist can help talk her down to then taking the right medication and working her back to reality.
Anon this is important next time she calls and threatens pull out your phone and record the call as long as you have a one party consent law that makes it legal, if she threatens in person, excuse yourself and call the police. It’s hard in these situations because you don’t want to be the bad guy and send them away or do something that could hurt them or betray them, but you have to be careful not to be an enabler.
No. 288918
>>288898She has just left a womens refuge where she had therapy. As soon as she left she started drinking again. Realistically, she will end up committed as horrible as it is to say but none if her family know how to get her treatment.
We will try to do this. I believe it may be that she's suffering from schizophrenia and has been for a long time. We really don't know how to communicate with her in a meaningful way that will help her.
No. 288920
>>288918I'm sorry to be blunt but there's no way you can help her. Neither you nor your boyfriend or any of his family members are qualified to help, and even if you all
were doctors, the situation is too personal. This is much bigger than any of you can hope to handle. Follow the other anon's advice and record your phone calls for proof of her threats. Even without proof you may be able to call for a wellness check and the police may decide to take her in on their own judgement.
I'm really sorry you're dealing with this. Dealing with addicts is incredibly difficult and so so draining. Focus on taking care of yourself, support your bf when you can. Just try to keep your head up and don't take on more responsibility than you can handle, or blame yourself for the bad situation. You'll get through this.
No. 288946
>>288920Thanks for the reply. It's difficult facing this reality that she will eventually be committed because my boyfriend had to live through it as a child. She was committed when he was very young and he can barely describe what it was like having to visit his mum there without bursting into tears. We're researching what and how to get her to a good facility that won't just drug her up like they did when he was young since that's how she sort of developed an addiction to the drugs she's on now.
It's horrible seeing her sanity fade away. Even when he insults him he tries his best to comfort her because he fears it'll be the last time he'll talk to her.
No. 288992
File: 1663657592563.jpeg (75.14 KB, 604x340, 1638445192428.jpeg)
>>288931They were probably just saying that to be nice,
nonnie. Don't contact your former friend. You made your bed, now lie in it.
As someone who's been in the position you put your friend in to I have to ask…. Why? Why would you do that? It's heartbreaking to find out someone you were close friends with just started viewing you as some unobtainable trophy object. To find out your friendship wasn't enough, to rethink all the times you sat too close or hugged for too long. Just because you couldn't be a grown adult, and keep your dumb crush to yourself. How selfish can you be?
picrel is how this shit is making me feel
No. 289010
File: 1663666623920.jpg (43.76 KB, 658x662, C4QkF0uVUAEoKpo.jpg)
i feel embarrassed to be coming here for advice on such a stupid thing, i'll probably be called a retard (i am) but nonas bear with me i only have one female friend that knows about this. i don't know how to make this as short as possible but the background is important.
i started talking to this guy who i have A LOT of mutual friends with, i just wanted to become his friend but then we got intimate. 3-4 months into our friendship i was on zolpidem one day and said that i wanted to meet up with him. though he hinted we could meet one day, he just ghosted me. keep in mind i never wanted to date him, just hang out or hook up. 2 weeks later he starts convo again but after a while it starts dying out because it turns out he was talking to another girl at the same time. they ended up in a relationship a while later and as of today it's been almost 11 months since this all happened and it was bad for me mentally, he's not exactly a scrote but the point of talking about the background is:
i feel like i got replaced for not being pretty enough and his girlfriend is really pretty. i've come to dislike her a lot even though she never did anything to me. i know he's at fault for treating me like trash by ghosting me and just "dropping me". he could've been honest with me and tell me he didn't wanna talk to me intimately anymore.
i really don't like female rivalry, i don't want to despise a girl that didn't do anything wrong. nonnies, how do i cope with this? i'm pretty much a femcel (embarrassing, i know). this never happened to me before as i like to support women and have my fair share of dislike for men.
i'm still friends with him and he always acted like nothing happened and i've come to terms with this and moved on but i can't stop disliking her for some reason. i don't know what to do about it.
No. 289014
>>289010why the fuck are you still friends with him even if you have a lot of mutal friends? So what? You have no reason to dislike her, you just placed your hate for him on her because you think you can't dislike him bceuase of your friends. He is the trash one and no you have not come to terms with it or else you would not dislike her and would only dislike him. He deserves the hate, because he decided to ghost you and not her! I feel like you need to hear this from another person again and not only from yourself: Cut him out of your life and stop seeing her as the enemy (like you already know) when he is the asshole. He does not deserve your friendship, he is a liar who gives 0 fucks about your feelings. Stop supporting his actions by giving him 0 consequences.
Nonnie, how low is your self-eestem to even be friends with a guy who does not respect you? 11 months is enough time to move on if you did not want a serious relationship (but I honestly think you do or else you would just cut him out of your life and move on). Stop being friends with him and work on your self-eestem. If you don't see him anymore you will also not see her anymore and unless you cut him off, you will probably forever dislike her
No. 289120
File: 1663707512438.jpg (58.1 KB, 657x527, Dhb3CWOWsAAv6VR.jpg)
>>289023>>289019>>289014>>289012Thank you for reading and taking time to reply, I appreciate it. Sorry for posting that poorly formatted, I was kind of venting at the same time so I just wrote everything on the go. I do have low self esteem, I'll take your advice and I'll start working on it and start to cut him off, it'll be difficult because of our mutual friends and none of them know any of this happened between us, but they'll respect my decision. That's also the reason why it took me so long to move on. Sometimes you just get blinded by stuff, I let my feelings blind me and you're correct in saying I placed my anger on her instead of him as I should, I just needed some help to realize how I was feeling, it can be difficult due to my mental illness. I feel much better now that I talked to you and read your advice. Thank you nonas and fuck him.
No. 289243
File: 1663772316896.jpg (107.31 KB, 736x981, 00066255235920f71dc2c7051e8814…)
>>288946Things have escalated to his mother showing up to the house unannounced at 2am. We were reluctant to call the police out of fear of what she would do to his dad. She also contacted his workplace a day prior. He's having to go to counselling now because things are so bad.
We're both young adults. We don't have the capacity or time to constantly battle with her. We've spent this last month trying to find a good facility and it just results in her being
abusive and refusing treatment. We've contacted another one of his relatives to see if he could help and he does nothing but tell us to keep trying. The mental burden it's put on him is horrific. I'm wondering if it would be appropriate to just distance himself from her and try to move on now that she's actually showing up unannounced and interfering with his life. She's trying to put a fork in his relationship with family and his career. I would do anything to make things better because he can't function like this.
No. 289424
>>289419I’ve dealt with a few. One yes and we have a very good relationship. One no but after several attempts at help they fled. From what I know that seemed to work for the best and they’re doing better though still very
toxic to be around, but I prioritize my peace over repairing that relationship.
I also had to help an ex girlfriend through committing her mother who then had to be diagnosed with a personality disorder.
It’s not healthy for him and it really shouldn’t be his responsibility. Does she have siblings or parents still who are capable of taking over? This is going to be hard either way. I’m sorry anon. He’s the child and she should have taken care of him. He’s probably had to deal with this since he was a child and taking care of her when the adults who should have stepped in failed too.
No. 290082
>>290070Frequent
>>290071When I’m comfortable
No. 290777
File: 1664305323110.gif (615.71 KB, 225x275, 1648858698487.gif)
How do you get a sense of humor? It's probably been about 7 years since I last laughed and I feel on edge and anxious all the time. People used to insult the way my smile looked or that I look like a demon when I laugh (I have a jaw deformity that makes my face look a bit weird), which hurt, so overtime I just stopped.
No. 290823
>>290797I tried a few therapists in my early 20s, didn't really work out. One even accidentally let slip something very damning about the way I look (in a relevant conversation). She was very apologetic but, yeah,
oof.
Right now it's pretty much impossible to find one. I have no access, can't get one for free, etc, so I'm on my own.
No. 290852
File: 1664326283288.jpg (81.3 KB, 623x618, Tumblr_l_250729169951801.jpg)
If a guy says he will get a tattoo of one of your drawings so it can remind him of you does that mean he (still) likes you??? What if things are super awkward between you because you reconnected recently after you'd had a falling out years ago bc he asked you out and you said no because you were too fucked up atm to deal with such a situation??? What if you are mutuals on fucking Tumblr?? How did I get myself into this
No. 291044
File: 1664386736817.jpeg (83.87 KB, 540x960, 624D52C3-93DE-4B6D-BC80-2185B9…)
>>290998Sounds like you're dissociating and shutting down due to stress. You can do grounding exercises to bring yourself back into your body and the present moment. There are tons of resources about this online, picrel is just one of many techniques. If your school offers counselling, try to get an appointment there to talk about managing stress and keeping up with schoolwork when your mental health is poor. I also suggest you get to the root of your anxieties, especially involving studying and schoolwork. Have you placed extreme academic expectations on yourself (must get straight A's, must be smartest in class, rather die than fail, etc.)? Do others have those expectations of you, and you've absorbed and internalised them? Are you in a super competitive environment? Are you worried about not being able to afford your education? Stuff like that.
No. 291093
>>291078That's not weird at all, in fact it's completely expected. By immersing yourself in media you're actually just dissociating further, which seems to be your main method to protect yourself from your feelings: numb them out, avoid them, project them onto a fictional character. Meanwhile grounding yourself invites you to actually experience the stressful situation and your emotions, including difficult ones that you have been trained to think of as unhealthy and life threatening (hence the physical symptoms). You might actually faint from anxiety once or twice but it's unlikely, and even then it's not going to kill you! Panic attacks are nonfatal, and so far you've survived every single thing you've ever struggled with.
I hate to be the one to tell you this but avoiding the anxiety will not make it go away. In fact it will make it worse, as your worries build and build upon themselves, festering unaddressed, until you explode. I'm sure you've already experienced that sort of breakdown at least once. It's scary but you can't manage your emotions until you learn to recognise them, feel them, and observe them without judgement. That doesn't mean you need to tap into your senses out in public (not right away, anyhow) where you likely feel extra vulnerable. There are other grounding techniques to learn about and try, and I'm sure you can find something that works for you if you're willing to put in the effort. I also recommend you look into distress tolerance, which is all about realising your bad feeling is not life-ending, and you can survive the pain without resorting to unhealthy coping mechanisms.
No. 291110
File: 1664400065984.jpg (63.22 KB, 821x1280, 1655303915254.jpg)
how do i stop feeling so bitter over a man. we stopped talking about two weeks ago after i had to cut him off due to..reasons.. but i still stalk his page sometimes and i feel very upset. i want to message him, but i know i shouldnt. should i or do i just continue to move on with my life? sorry im kind of autistic btw
No. 291802
File: 1664649900068.jpg (6.11 KB, 200x146, bobo-girl-cute-thumbnail.jpg)
>>291110Based fellow /biz/ poster.
No. 291981
>>291937You answered your own question here, Nona: It's your low self esteem. You're making unfair, unfavourable comparisons between yourself and your friend, and denying yourself the intrinsic value that you already have. No matter how good someone else seems on the outside, that doesn't take away from your goodness on the inside. You may not be rich or "gorgeous" but independent of all these outside things, you are still incredibly valuable, just for being alive. There are self help books in this thread and the last that address building healthy self esteem. Choose one that catches your eye and then download it for free from Z Library or wherever. Make a conscious effort to stay focused and try to heal.
It also sounds like your friend is mistreating you. Why is she okay with insulting you and putting you down? Why is her desire to look good for this guy more important than your feelings and your friendship? I encourage you to speak up for yourself here and hold her accountable for being cruel to you. If she's a real friend she'll accept responsibility and stop insulting you. If she deflects or gets defensive, she is not really a friend. In that case you have to decide if it's more important to keep her in your life, while giving her a free pass to hurt you, or if you'd rather lose her to save yourself. Is her life more important than yours? Are you okay with being complicit in your own misery and hurt feelings? Give her the ultimatum: if you can't treat me with love and respect, then we cannot be friends. This applies to anyone in your life who hurts and mistreats you.
Lastly, jealousy may come from abandonment issues or deep shame of being a failure or defective. Maybe all three at once. If you have trauma or abandonment in your history then consider getting therapy, perhaps through your university. In the meantime you can try to manage your pain with meditation and mindfulness. These are things you can easily find resources for online.
I'm proud of you for asking for help Nona. You are already very self aware to realise these things about yourself and your situation, and so brave for seeing your difficulties as something you have the power to change.
No. 292069
File: 1664756860363.jpg (25.12 KB, 275x223, 1648169548259.jpg)
Hi–maybe this ought to go in the stupid question thread, but what is the best place online to sell clothes? Does it really matter? I sell other stuff on one site and I realize it has such a terrible algorithm + search engine about clothes that it'd be kind of silly to list what I got there.
I know of Poshmark and Vinted. I know that over time some sites have a tendency to jack up the fees because they know they can get away with it because they have such an established consumer base.
No. 292153
File: 1664812420681.jpeg (42.07 KB, 469x347, 96F5421D-C6EF-4780-B57B-33626C…)
How do I stop caring about anachan bullshit? Like I’m not talking about the anachan thread, I don’t follow that thread at all but I mean like on social media and also like weird weightspergs on here. It’s unavoidable. I used to be a hardcore restricter like 5 years ago and I was obsessed with thinspo. I started slightly overweight and ended up at a 23 BMI. Then I started binging, never stopped, and started purging regularly. I ended up getting a bunch of root canals because of it and lost my gag reflex recently so it wasn’t exactly like I chose to recover. I’ve calmed down a bit and am kinda grateful that I lost my ability to self harm. I gained like 15 pounds though and still have an inferiority complex. I see pictures of emaciated looking women all over Twitter and tumblr even though I don’t go out of my way to look for it anymore. The occasional weightspergers in ot kind of get to me too, especially when they’re shitting on girls who have perfectly healthy/average weight bodies.
It’s only on lolcow I see people telling them to shut the fuck up and calling them bonerattlers. I wish I could feel that way but I don’t. It just reminds me how I tried to be that way but all I did was irreparably damage my teeth and skin and now I’m up to a size 12. I wish I could see what the rest of the girls on here do when they encounter this kind of stuff but I just feel like a chubby failure. What do? And before you say therapy or something I’m already in a support group for bulimia recovery. Its a relief to know there’s other girls who feel/behave like I do but it doesn’t exactly change anything either.
No. 292187
File: 1664822747923.jpg (120.01 KB, 828x828, 4d1317b2-469f-4721-93e2-6b818e…)
Hi nonnies. I wanted some help and advice on my attachment issues. I have really bad detachment issues. I grew up with a mother whose love often felt conditional, I'd have to walk on eggshells around her because it was often a guessing game as to what would set her off, I had to learn how to act happy and excited because she would get mad if I just had my normal resting face because to her it was too angry, and my dad never did anything about it. My mom was really quick to anger and often threatened to leave and take my sister with her and leave me with my dad. My dad was very passive and didn't do much. I honestly struggle to think of anything he's really done that would make me grateful that he's my father. He was just there.
Anyway, I need help/advice (if anyone could recommend a book I'd appreciate it). I struggle to be interested in group settings, I struggle to be interested in people in general, I don't really get crushes on people, I tend to keep by myself most of the time, people just seem like more trouble than they're worth considering nothing lasts forever. I don't see any point in romantic relationships. It's hard to talk to people, to open up to them, to tell them about my day or the things I like. It's incredibly difficult for me and any time I do manage it, I'm always left with the feeling that I shouldn't have said anything at all.
When people compliment me, or try to be affectionate, I really hate it because it never seems honest or real to me. I hate physical touch (my mom and dad didn't hug me much).
I have a really low self esteem, too.
All these things are starting to make life very difficult for me. I start to get angry at friends for the most mundane and pointless things. I get mad at friends for bringing XYZ up again, I get mad at friends for asking me questions, I get mad at friends for a lot of pointless shit, like I said. I don't ever bring it up to them or act outwardly rude or mean, but the angger really gets to me and brings me down. I don't like it. I'm so easily irritated and I hate sharing things. It's really wearing me out.
How can I get over this?
No. 292189
File: 1664823496871.jpeg (115.92 KB, 317x475, E836967E-E8A9-4F64-A4CA-D4F672…)
>>292187You've already made the link between your upbringing and your current struggles, which is fantastic. This book will help you get unstuck from the past. It has a lot of great exercises for examining your childhood coping mechanisms, and concrete methods to build healthier habits. I can't give you much advice that you won't find in this book. I hope it might help.
No. 292197
>>292153Until you are totally recovered and can handle
triggers well, just avoid social media like twitter, tumblr and insta. Unfollow any accounts that post stuff like fashion, hide spergy threads and let yourself heal.
No. 292305
>>292254He only gave me some vague "oh I haven't been paying enough attention to you guys" (there's another new hire) as justification.
He straight up just watches me do shit and then swoops in when I inevitably forget something, when normally I'd just look it up or message someone and keep going. That place seems to have a very direct management style, because the department head called me in for a 'presentation' that was much of the same - ie him pointing out mistakes and framing it as a 'discussion'. That or I'm about to lose my job and they're just not telling me.
No. 292338
>>292221This only works for short term, but face massage with some type of oil/lubricant can relax your face muscles. There’s videos on YouTube on how to do it.
Long term: Botox, but haven’t tried it yet
No. 292371
File: 1664917214076.jpeg (8.26 KB, 272x185, 47e47568567.jpeg)
How do I stop being a general autist when I am confronted in social situations? I just ran into someone I knew in public, and instead of catching up or having a normal conversation I just squeaked a "oh, hey" and left. I felt so off guard seeing them I was only prepared to go get some groceries and not talk to anyone that when I see someone I just make things incredibly awkward. It makes me not want to go anywhere locally because someone might recognize me and I'll have to talk to them
No. 292375
>>292371Here's what workes for me:
1. Mimicking others until it becomes natural. Think about how you want to behave next time you run into someone you know.
2. Exposure therapy, your social skills don't improve if you don't practice. That means putting yourself in situations you'll find uncomfortable unfortunately.
No. 292376
>>292375worked*
I used to be just like you and I overcame it, but it takes time and courage.
No. 292382
File: 1664919340871.jpg (123.69 KB, 1024x724, rainbow-map-2018-1024x724.jpg)
>>292358I think support of the T goes hand in hand with general support and openness to the LGB, unfortunately. There are many conservative countries to pick from, but if you're a lesbian you might not have a great time and as a bonus, chances are the quality of life in these countries isn't the greatest. Can attest, I'm from one of the yellowish ones. I saw shop attendants acting polite to a TIM but once he paid and left the staff made a disgusted face and whispered to one another. This was at a Flying Tiger store mind you, a shop that's LGB-positive to the core.
No. 292397
File: 1664922224960.jpeg (17.25 KB, 427x427, 32652534-390A-4D64-8330-A71153…)
i’m so depressed and it has never been this bad nonnas. i’m on the highest dose of prozac daily and i still think of suicide. i’ve started drinking heavily every day too just to feel something other than complete numbness - i know that probably counteracts the antidepressants but i’m so tired of feeling like this
i’ve had depression for over 10 years but it has been a long time since i felt this bad. ironically enough i’ve been doing really well the past few months. now i just want to quit my job, sell everything, cancel my plans and dreams and ambitions and commit seppuku lol
sorry this probably belongs in the rant thread but i do legitimately want advice on what to do because i’m terrified of actually acting on these impulses
No. 292408
>>292397Maybe you need a change of meds? Was there anything that you could point out as a
trigger to this most recent relapse? Since you were doing good recently maybe it's going to get better by itself too. Do you think you could try drinking less, maybe make drinks to lower the amount of alcohol and gradually make it less and less; and I guess it's going to be hard in depressive state (trust me I would know), but maybe you could do some stretching / yoga, basically anything to make your muscles work, hurt a bit and therefore distract you from other issues, if only just a bit. Hope my reply is not too chaotic and you find yourself in a better mental space soon
No. 292409
File: 1664925216495.jpeg (87.14 KB, 750x697, 1DFAB888-8138-4285-9ADE-319EDE…)
>>292397I'm sorry you've been struggling for so long with no reprieve. You're very strong to have survived this much pain. I think the most important thing to do is stop drinking. If you're not already a full blown alcoholic (no shame), you're on the fast track to become one. I know that you're using it to numb the pain, but it's not actually working. It just makes everything worse right? And the best way to improve your mental health is to first take care of your physical health, so you've got to stop poisoning yourself on the daily. Try going to an AA meeting in your area. At least one, just to see what it's like. Maybe your psychiatrist or however gives you prozac can refer you to some resources, maybe even a talk therapist.
At the same time, you'll have to learn some better ways to cope with your feelings. This includes paying attention to them, or at least being able to notice them without rushing to drown them out. This is scary but if we're numb all the time, sure we can block out pain but we can't experience happiness or contentment. Basically we have to feel the bad stuff to feel the good stuff too. And the bad stuff isn't going to destroy you or make you kill yourself. I think you're in the perfect place to start healing because you've asked for help, you've confided in others, and it seems that you feel you can change. There is a better life for you on the other side of this. I believe in you. I know you can do it.
No. 292410
File: 1664925372777.jpg (57.4 KB, 1280x720, snufhug.jpg)
>>292397holy shit nona i just posted this
>>292407, i'm sorry. we're both in this hole together. we'll make it though
No. 292489
>>292445As long as you both love each other then continue the relationship, in any relationship you have the possibility to get cheated on regardless of preference. Your gf has the possibility to do drugs or other behaviors you may deem untasteful, but loving someone is loving them despite these faults.
However, there is nothing wrong with having standards. I am lesbian and I have a preference to date other lesbians only, I had a gf and she cheated on me with someone who has a bf…even though she said she'll only date lesbian women so…go figure. What I'm saying is that in love anything can happen, and as long as you sign yourself up for a relationship you need to be prepared for anything goes. If you don't want that then you have the option of always removing yourself from the situation.good luck.
No. 293223
File: 1665323486074.jpg (54.84 KB, 390x390, 20221009_154409.jpg)
Nonitas, do you have any advice beating a deeply engraved inferiority complex? I tried all that faking till making it, good diet, trying new things and not using any cringe "depression" meme things but I don't think I've improved at all. I still feel like a poser but now also a liar. It makes me feel like the picrel. I'm usually good at things I do than the average but I'm reluctant to show them because they're not good enough, I don't succeed in anything because I don't believe I deserve to etc. This is coupled with the fact that I look very young for my age and am a woman (already taken less seriously by the general public). Does anyone have any methods to be more confident?
No. 293247
>>293153Don't worry, you're clearly not doing anything wrong. You paid respects to the original author, there's nothing more you can do, and nobody is mad at you. If you live your whole life in fear of getting called out you'll never do anything! Keep writing and sharing your story. At this point it's YOURS and you have the right to do with it whatever you want.
>>293223It seems you've been compensating for your self hatred with external achievements. While it's good to build skills, it actually reinforces the belief that you're inferior and you must work hard to make up for your inherent awfulness. The solution is to look inward and accept yourself as you are, without the extras of your skills, appearance, relationships, social status. Just you, who you are inside, right now. This may seem far fetched and a little stupid but it's possible to love and feel confident in yourself in that way. Look up the "self-limiting beliefs" "defectiveness" and "failure." That may give you some insight into your inferiority complex and how to address it.
No. 293268
I'm considering reporting my sister for animal abuse.
She was gifted a dog about a year or so ago, supposedly because she has "anxiety" and needed a "emotional support dog". That's definitely not how it works, but ok. She's a jobless slob that doesn't do anything around the house, spends all the night watching kpop concerts, and spends all her money (either borrowed from mom or friends) on kpop merch. Since she doesnt works nor goes out of the house, the dog (one of those dogs on the street that are so mixed they have no actual breed, and are condemned to a life of health issues due to that) is all the time on the backyard. She doesnt take him outside for walks, she has not neutered, vaccined, nor anything. His water bowl has green stuff on the bottom, and is filled with leaves and I saw insects a couple of days ago on it. She doesnt clean his shit, so the backyard is littered with it and it stinks, and my mom is the one who actually buys his food. The dog is also incredibly aggressive and destructive. Has torn apart a couple of clothes I own, always barks at me if I'm outside, and has bit my mom multiple times. There's also the fact that everytime the dog gets in heat it tries to get outside, and since my sister doesn't take care of him, she expects all of us to watch him and get him if he does get outside. A couple of days ago the dog escaped while I was taking out the trash, and she yelled at me histerically to go and get him. The dog scratched me but I got him inside (I forgot to mention, she doesn't give baths to the dog, nor trims his nails) My sister started yelling at me that it was my fault that the dog got outside, that if I didn't live here the dog would be free to live inside the house. I answered her that I'm not the one responsible for her dog, and that the dog is outside cause she doesn't take care of him enough to be an indoors pet, and that if the dog escapes and is aggressive, is because she hasn't neutered him nor takes him on walks. She kept screaming and yelling at him, and my mother took her side, yelling at me to "shut up". I realized that she was never accept the dog as her responsibility, so I went to my room.
But now I'm worried, I remembered that this isn't the first dog she has. Before this one, she had another dog who she treated the same. The dog started chewing and eating chemical bottles (bleach, floor cleaner, etc) and then got poisoned and died. He lived less than a year. I told my partner and he told me that this dog is probably gonna end up dead too, and that if the dog escapes again, and he will, my sister will blame me again, whatever the reason. So he told me that I should consider reporting my sister to the police for animal abuse (if you have a dog tied to your backyard all day, is considered animal abuse here) so that the dog at least will be taken from her and go to a family that actually cares for him. Should I? Before anyone answers, yes, I know I should move, but I don't have the money for it.
No. 293274
File: 1665348496750.jpeg (117.08 KB, 600x600, 5721E362-2BF8-4EEF-8B20-52371B…)
>>293272Very good point. If it's only going to make your family act more insane with you, then maybe focus on removing yourself from the situation as much as possible. And even if it all goes perfectly well, what's to stop her from getting another dog and starting the whole thing over again? It's good to have empathy for animals but you've got to preserve your own life as well. Priorities you know? It's you or the dog nona
No. 293343
>>293341eye drops or allergy medication
>>293313move if you have the means, he sounds dangerous
>>293313visit her then go back to your bf
No. 293461
File: 1665446698485.jpeg (146.44 KB, 620x740, 9098C361-4E3C-41F8-8E2E-2E4B56…)
>>293456Look into active listening? It's a skill like any other. I pulled this off Pinterest; there are tons of articles and videos about it too. It may not cure your depression or curb your tendency to self-analyse, but it will definitely make you more present in conversation with others.
No. 293472
File: 1665450568651.png (123.23 KB, 600x654, dbc31e055f4a93361e4e7771bcf12c…)
I have no one to ask about this and really need to know what to do, or if what i did was ok.
So i had these 2 friends and we got along and had fun, and laughed and opened up with eachoter (ithink) but we didn't have a lot of stuff in common or shared similar thoughts, so whenever i tried to talk about something they would look confused or desinterested but when they talked about the stuff they were into i would ask more about it and try to know why they liked it or what parts of their interest did they enjoy the most and more so they would talk about it, because i like to know what my friends like. I told one of the people in the group that i wanted to split apart from the friendship because it got nowhere, we've been Friends for a year and im just some girl listening and getting ignored wich got annoying for me, and how I felt (what I mentioned before basically) and they cried telling me they genuinely felt a connection with me and now they feel like i'm someone they don't even know. I think they misunderstood my point to feel bad or something, I mentioned i feel ignored and not listened to and they think the interest i showed in their passions is fake? I don't understand, because they also told me that they can really "show interest in other stuff like i do" so did i fuck up or was this for the better? What do i do now? We agreed i would think better about this whole thing but i do not know what is there to think about, do i ask if they care about anything i care for? I know they had positive thoughts about me because we discussed it but it was shit anyone could mention, it felt fake in a weird way
No. 293479
>>293472so you felt ignored and talked over to a point where you were willing to cut contact with these people. they don't want you to cut contact and have promised to take a more active interest in your life if that means you can stay friends.
do you think that's realistic? you've done nothing wrong by broaching your concerns, but whether you cut them off or not is up to you based on how likely you think it is that your friends might improve.
No. 293481
>>293472made a typo
>they CAN'T really "show interest in other stuff like i do">>293479So actually my bad, they never even said they would change so we could stay friends but i feel bad because they weren't even awful people.
And answering your question, idk if it's realistic, but i feel like they don't have a grasp on how people can change and they don't really think about it. So maybe it's no friends for now i guess
No. 293683
>>293620So I'm understanding these are hypotheticals? You haven't ever cheated, but can imagine circumstances in which you might? That's completely normal. Everyone in the world has thoughts like that, and even they didn't, you have the right to consider different courses of action to better understand your own values and limits. Imagine if you never thought about this potentially awful situation where your partner doesn't meet your needs, when suddenly you're living in it. You might feel like cheating is your only option. Then you would have "no choice" but to betray your values right? But in reality, because you have considered the situation in advance, now you can see other choices for yourself: breaking up, seeking help for your health, evaluating what you need from a partner before committing to them, and so on. Choices that are in accordance with what you believe.
Basically the point is that you can think whatever the hell you want, the thought police does not exist, and it's actually good for you to think about what your boundaries as well as what it would take to push you over them. You'll be more prepared that way than if you hadn't. If you experience them more as intrusive, disturbing thoughts in the moment (e.g. holding a baby and thinking "what if I dropped her?") that's called
l'appel du vide (lit. the call of the void) and is also completely normal. They're much more indicative of our worst fears than of things we actually aspire to do. Your thoughts do not define you. What matters are your actions, and even if you do something you regret because it goes against your values… so what? Humans are fallible and we all make mistakes. All we can do is try to be better next time.
No. 293685
>>293683The claim you can think "whatever the hell you want" is reductive to me. Thoughts shouldn't control you especially if they're an established pattern. For instance, someone having a pattern of imagining cheating on their partner every time their partner does some type of wrong/irritance has issues, that's an issue, in my opinion. I believe thought patterns should be monitored. If thoughts truly didn't matter, it shouldn't bother anons men read hentai or coomer content, for instance. Most mental disorders can be helped with the active awareness of your thoughts so as to correct them. Like it or not, thoughts influence actions.
But yes, in the tiny example that is usually propped up by "no thought police" people, it is true, a stray thought shouldn't bother you as a whole.
No. 293706
>>293685You're right, it's reductive, and I agree that we are responsible for monitoring our thoughts and correcting unhealthy patterns. I could have phrased myself better by saying that you are not defined by your thoughts alone. It's what you do with those thoughts that truly matters. To use your example, I think reading hentai/coom shit is different from
thinking about reading it. We can pause to look at a magazine in a store because something about it caught our attention. We can also choose to put it down because it's not for us.
Men can't do this because they're walking abortions, but you get it. My main hope was that anon wouldn't judge herself harshly for what "catches her attention", so to speak. You can and should be actively aware of your thoughts and taking measures to correct the unhealthy patterns. Part of that correction is learning to be nonjudgemental and just letting unwanted thoughts go without taking on unnecessary self-criticism.
No. 293721
File: 1665603312685.jpg (243.95 KB, 719x792, Screenshot_20221010-083926_Pin…)
>Be me, bulimic college student living with parents
>get kicked out
>move in with controlling bf
>bf gets progressively more abusive
>decide to leave him, say I'll have a conversation with him when I go to his house to get my stuff
I'm on the bus to his now, he's already began guilt tripping me. I'm scared and I feel sick. I'm going to be homeless from now on. If anyone sees this soon, how do I stop him from forcing me to stay? Where the fuck do I sleep?
I fucking hate moids sometimes, I haven't had a good experience with them ever, I'm too trusting
No. 293738
>>293721It was a very brave decision to leave. It's probably best if you write your plans out, less chaotic than thinking it up.
I agree with
nonnie above. Women's shelters, an auntie, your car, even go to church and talk to some older women there, they're usually really willing to help others. Just for a couple of weeks.
No. 294175
I see, thanks ^^ well, my questions goes mostly to people who have been able to get away from abusive households, I want to know if life actually gets better after leaving. My family has an extensive history with alcohol, sexual, physical and emotional abuse, negligence, you know, all the good stuff for a little girl growing up. Even after all that I've managed to get a scholarship at a decent university and I'm studying the career I've always wanted, the things is, I'm not performing very well and even though I know I'm to blame for that failure, I can't shake the feeling that if I left my house things would look a lot brighter. It's difficult to perform as well as I did in highschool, I've been diagnosed with depression and my anxiety has worsened.
What feels the worst is the trauma I'm always reliving, in each corner of this house I can remember moments in my childhood that shake me. Right now things are much better, I'm only living with my mom, and I love her I really do, but the memories and the hurtful things she says/does are proving to be too much for me. My therapist has told me that the best thing I can do is move out, but I'm scared, I don't have money, and I can't get myself to think of a plan, but I can't stand it anymore, it feels like I'm rotting away most days.
Thank you for reading, if anyone has advice on how to move out, good jobs for university students, or any encouraging words I'll aprecciate it immensily. I'm from LATAM so my english isn't the best sorry ;-;(^^ )
No. 294252
>>294175Please integrate nona
In response to your post, i did but it made things harder because of the stress. it's hard to say whether or not things will get better, but they likely will. But just because you leave doesn't mean any unresolved trauma will leave too, but it looks like you're already getting help with that. If you have no money then the stress of it may make things worse. Don't rush things, save up the money and get yourself a place. In my experience things were worse because it was rushed and I fucked myself over
No. 294464
>>257551How do I become more assertive in telling creepy men no when they harass me for my number?
Sorry if this is the wrong board for the topic and sorry for like, story time.
Im about 20 and take public transit a lot. earlier today was accosted by a 40 ish year old male who would not listen to me when I said I didn’t want to give him my phone number. There was nobody else around and because he was so persistent I was worried he would potentially assault me. I tried saying I have a boyfriend , I’m not interested, I don’t give out my number, and none of it worked. He was following me through the subway station and eventually I took his number planning to just delete it after I could get away but he made me call him in that moment. I tried to say I don’t know my number and my phone didn’t have service but he was . Scarily persistent. So now he has my number. Once I could run the fuck away and was far enough that I wasn’t worried he could follow me I blocked him and went into a public store but literally in that small period (under 5 min?) he called me twice…
I feel safer now but I hate having situations like this come up at all, and when they do I feel terrified all day. I guess a secondary question would be do any of you have things that help you feel calmer after experiences like that? Thanks in advance nonas
No. 294493
File: 1666028653685.png (408.15 KB, 780x585, E55DwN4WQAkfrBM.png)
Im back home after being out of country for awhile. I'm very rusty socially and I overanalyze people's body language and speech, so it's taking some time re-adjusting. My best friend of 10 years seems to have gotten closer to everyone else now, and I don't know if it's my anxiety but the vibes just seem off. Is she mad at me for leaving? We had an amazing time but she always looks at everyone else when she speaks, and it hurts a little bit. I've been gone for years, I guess it's natural right? How do i get over this and rekindle our friendship?
No. 294504
File: 1666035013599.gif (675.48 KB, 192x192, 9142.gif)
how have you overcome your alcoholism?
No. 294522
>>294504Idk, I have struggled on/off with it. What helped me a bit
>making it annoying or daunting to get a drink; i.e., having to record it, read something horrifying about its health effects, etc>similar, but just having the drink out of reach; not having alcohol in the house is best>taking painkiller instead so I'd wreck my stomach if I dared take a drink>replace it with something else I find enjoyable>making sure I am not overstimulated/taking time to meditate–this helps me be less in flustered, lizard-brained mode so I don't mindlessly grab a drink I really just…have drunk more than I thought in the past 3 years and at first I escaped this fact aside from brief panics–the type I'd have in middle of the night in bed. I've improved over time so I no longer panic anymore, though admittedly the regret from the past does fuel my efforts at keeping sober. I don't want to do future me dirty by ruining this body of mine even more.
No. 294693
File: 1666126547124.jpg (25.38 KB, 960x957, 309425043_1444300416061396_530…)
good evening nonettes. this is my retarded cry for help of the day for you all:
so, i have a rent inspection coming up for my home soon. i live in England. they gave me a vague time as to when the person will come over and check the house. they give me a specific date like "3rd of november" but never a time, just some vague shit like "throughout working hours" 9am-5pm. the issue is that i will be out for a while at some point during that day and I just don't want a random moid strolling through my house doing god knows what when i'm not there - i had a negative experience with that years ago. naturally the thought of a strange male (all of their inspector people are male idk why) being in my house when i'm not there to monitor what he's doing freaks me out.
so my question is: how do i handle this and do i have some sort of legal rights to say "you can only do an inspection if i am present in the property, you can't come in when i'm not there"? i have tried looking around but can't see anything specifically and they previously said they'd just use their keys if i wasn't in…which i obviously don't want. this is also just a routine 6 month inspection, it's not like there is anything dangerous happening in the house that needs repaired.
No. 294988
>>294961yeh it's very sensory. thanks for suggesting that, i'll defo look into it! i had a cursory google and it's suggesting me adult chewing toys which is very funny because professionals keep dropping those 'tism hints on me
>>294969yeh that's what i thought but every search just comes up with a bunch of indian homeopathic doctors telling me i will die of rice worms lmao. thank you
nonny, hope you also find a healthy outlet
No. 295087
File: 1666330953571.jpg (8.03 KB, 275x275, 1658344082077.jpg)
How do I save me from myself? I've become a self-conscious husk. I always was self-conscious but less so, and in a more positive way when I was young. And then things got out of control after I was bullied, told what all my flaws are (people say people don't care–they're lying, lol), etc. My worst fears about myself turned out to be proven true. My college years have been completely poisoned and have become one thing that is extremely painful to remember…straight down to becoming suicidal and eventually dropping out. It's painful to look back.
My speaking abilities - I already had a deformity that made it hard to talk ffs - have degraded so much I can't even really have a conversation IRL anymore. Nothing springs to mind. I constantly feel soulless, without any spontaneity, super guarded, and I can't even say I'm "introspective" because I feel so flustered, so tired all the time that I don't even think. It's like my brain has curled up like some diseased goblin. I'm so scared of how people have reacted to me in the past that reflexively it's as if I've adapted to prevent it at all costs.
I wish I could daydream and feel like my mind is a place I could go to escape if I had to be self-centered, but if anything it's as if everything about me is suffocating.
Nonnies, I am so scared of this feeling and I don't know how to get away from it.
No. 295100
File: 1666338459083.png (112.4 KB, 275x270, 1651598950429.png)
>These trends point to the lasting effects of early infancy environments and the changes that the brain undergoes during that period. Below the surface, some children from deprived surroundings such as orphanages, have vastly different hormone levels than their parent-raised peers even beyond the baby years. For instance, in Romania in the 1980s, by ages six to 12, levels of the stress hormone cortisol were still much higher in children who had lived in orphanages for more than eight months than in those who were adopted at or before the age of four months, according to a study from Development and Psychopathology. Other work has shown that children who experienced early deprivation also had different levels of oxytocin and vasopressin (hormones that have been linked to emotion and social bonding), despite having had an average of three years in a family home. "This environmental change [into a home] does not seem to have completely overridden all of the effects of early neglect," the researchers, led by Alison Wismer Fries of the Department of Psychology at the University of Wisconsin–Madison noted in their study, published in 2005 in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.
>It's not that anything is cut in stone. I don't want to give the impression that if babies don't get this they're marked for life. This early understanding of self and early understanding of other is developed through interaction. It teaches babies basic lessons that they have some agency in the world, so that allows them to explore the world and feel like they can affect their environment as opposed to just being helpless to whatever happens to them. We're basically a social species, and we learn those things through interacting with others.
>The list of problems that stem from neglect reads like the index of the DSM: poor impulse control, social withdrawal, problems with coping and regulating emotions, low self-esteem, pathological behaviors such as tics, tantrums, stealing and self-punishment, poor intellectual functioning and low academic achievement. Those are just some of the problems that David A. Wolfe, PhD, a psychologist at the University of Toronto, and his former student Kathryn L. Hildyard, PhD, detailed in a 2002 review (Child Abuse & Neglect, 2002).
>Human touch is fundamental for human development and survival. Research conducted by Ruth Feldman and Tiffany Field has shown the positive effects that come from skin-to-skin touch in premature babies and that these effects are still at work after ten years. Significant gains in neurological development, weight gain, and mental development of premature babies have been shown to be triggered by skin-to-skin stimulation.
>"In this study, we found memory impairment, as well as less communication between brain regions, in the animals that had been removed from their mothers, among other neurological changes," said study corresponding author Sarine Janetsian-Fritz, formerly a graduate student in the Lapish lab and now a postdoctoral fellow in neuropsychology at the Indiana University School of Medicine. "These are all clues to how a traumatic event early in life could increase a person's risk of receiving a schizophrenia diagnosis in the future."
Is there a smart nonna who can please help me? I know this is above lolcow's paygrade, but it's above mental health professional's paygrade too, "too complex" or straight up "idk". I can work and I can take care of myself, but there is more to life than that, right? All I read about is how fucked I am and nothing about how to actually help the children who grew up into adults and for who it's basically "too late". I just want to feel what it's like to be happy and to feel a full oxytocin response, but I'm very mentally ill and unhinged, so I don't know whether it's actually ethical to even seek connection at this point or whether I should even bother since I probably lack the capacity. Please can someone just help me instead of shit on me or think I'm just "off my meds", there are no meds. I go around trying to cheer up other Nonnas, can someone please help me too? Is there a way to reraise yourself or reprogram your brain from extremely early adverse childhood events? I accept tinfoils or whatever spaghetti you want to throw at the wall to see if it sticks.
No. 295102
File: 1666339766227.jpg (135.77 KB, 1135x614, donkey_couple.jpg)
>>295100samefag, dubs! And yes I have already touched grass, here is my favourite donkey couple.
No. 295107
>>295103>>295104Thank you for your response Nonna, you don't have to apologize. I'll think about getting into journaling and I'll send you an email once I've done my silly little tasks for the day.
>I wasnt in foster care that long, but i had all the above symptoms. I don't know why. It shouldn't make sense but that's the way it is.Yeah and I've noticed that therapists have no clue what the fuck to do with any ACE before the age of 5 or related to this stuff and don't know who to refer to you either.
No. 295125
File: 1666356852150.png (221.23 KB, 1000x1500, A044F725-DED3-4EDF-BDA0-605B8C…)
>>295100>Is there a way to reraise yourself?Yes! It's called Inner Bonding therapy. I posted a list of relevant self help books
>>280771 in the Enmeshed Family thread (complete opposite of your problem lol) but I think it will work for you too. Honestly I think it works for anyone who puts in the effort and keeps an open mind. There are tons of books, articles, websites, and videos about this type of therapy. There are also therapists specifically trained in Inner Bonding who essentially specialise in early ACEs and the resulting mental health problems. They're few and far between and, AFAIK, mostly only in Burgerland, but if you wanted to go that route, surely you could meet with them online. That said, Inner Bonding therapy is something you can do entirely by yourself, in your own home, without spending any money. I hope you will give it a try, it's really helped me.
>I'm very mentally ill and unhinged, so I don't know whether it's actually ethical to even seek connection at this point or whether I should even bother since I probably lack the capacity.Allowing yourself to be loved by others is part of the healing process. You do not need to be perfect to receive love. I understand what it's like to feel unprepared and like you have nothing to offer, I think that's a totally normal reaction in your situation. Still I promise you that you are incredibly lovable and valuable, you always have been, it's just really hard to see it, much less accept it, when you've been through a life as painful as yours.
I believe in you and your future, Nona. All of the anons you've cheered up, anyone who you've given advice to, we are all rooting for you.
No. 295261
File: 1666412067815.jpeg (32.5 KB, 474x647, 89A6994A-F616-46D2-9229-CA22D8…)
Is it really that strange to go places by yourself? If there’s something interesting going on at a bar/club/gallery that I want to see I’ll happily go by myself, especially if it’s something more niche that I don’t think my friends will be interested in. Tonight I’m going to a concert for an artist that had one big hit a few years ago but that I’ve been a fan of for years, and every time I tell someone they look at me funny. Obviously I keep my wits about me (I don’t go clubbing alone and I always watch my drinks like a hawk) but even then the people I know think it’s weird to go to events alone.
No. 296492
File: 1666996120387.jpeg (118.27 KB, 1000x1000, 5EA0A553-8EDA-4279-BEE6-367D4D…)
>>296478We could be twins this year nonna
No. 296957
File: 1667259018336.png (86.15 KB, 263x275, munny.png)
Nonnies, how do I cope with looking like and feeling like roadkill? I'm realizing that…I will always feel like shit.
I constantly am exhausted and I grew up fat and bullied over looking like a hag and a goblin + my dental/jaw issues (unfixed to this day). I, shallowly, thought I'd have a glow-up post weight loss, but it turned out while I was ugly before, losing 50 pounds and hitting my "fittest" at 22 BMI in my mid 20s has made me SOMEHOW more haggard! I grew up eating junk because of my family and now after a year of a perfect diet and exercise, I look like a 50 year old crack addict. Like, the brown version of Britney Spears if she took 5x the drugs. Even into my 20s I got "wow nona you look like death, what happened?" on, what, half of days. The only person ever to show any sexual/romantic interest in me was a man 3x my age that was morbidly obese and…at first I was disgusted and horrified, but I realized that he was probably my match which…is depressing. How can I look so horrible even if I try to take care of myself? I can accept being a virgin and never touching anyone ever but after 100s of insults and "wtf happened to your face" PROVING that people do in fact give a shit and find me disgusting on a visceral basis. I am sick of feeling like a leper and I don't know what to do.
And yes let me emphasize: I feel like hell. 1 hour outings make me so exhausted, black circles appear around my eyes and my eyes get red. When I get home I fall into bed and I am incapable of doing anything. I've probably only had one good rest in my entire goddamned life FFS and I felt amazing the whole day and even looked way better–even my dormmate that roasted me all the time immediately complimented me and said I looked 10 years younger without me even saying a word about how I felt. I don't understand what the fuck is wrong with me. PS: yes, reposted from the stupid questions thread. I realized blogposting in it is a bad idea.
No. 296987
>>296981dear
nonny, why? I'm just a mummy.
No. 297013
>>296990Actually I'm scheduled for a sleep study in 4 months even if I assume nothing will be found off. I guess I got suspicious a long time ago because I was tested to have very poor lung function…and technical asthma–not that inhalers help at all. I looked into it cuz the one time I took a melatonin supplement a while afterwards, my lungs just…almost stopped working. It's like I could barely breathe and I was so terrified, climbing out of bed and just sitting in my chair gasping for breath for a long time.
I researched it the next day, and apparently melatonin can contribute to such issues (i.e., constrict the throat or something) It's just it isn't like I have many of the symptoms of sleep apnea (snoring as far as I know) so it's hard to believe there's a problem.
No. 297023
>>257551Are all men like this, is this normal or I am missing out?
He has been my boyfriend for 10 years and I haven't had sex with anyone else, so I can't compare.
The thing is, I don't want to leave him because I love him, he loves me and the relationship works well.
I have tried to explain him how to touch me but he can't. He do it somewhere else, or not in the right way… it's frustrating.
Should I just cheat?
(lolcow.farm/rules) No. 297031
>>297023Dumping is always preferable to cheating, you can't say you actually love him if you find the idea of cheating acceptable
Now have you ever orgasmed from masturbating? Some people just can't orgasm and in that case changing partners won't do anything. If you can, you're going to have to tell him that he hasn't given you one in ten years, and that if that doesn't change "you don't know what you're going to do" or some vague threat like that. But really this isn't something that should have lingered on for ten years, a caring partner isn't supposed to straight up ignore it like he did
No. 297142
File: 1667344813353.jpg (23.78 KB, 564x536, df79d8a7621955cced1119985e96cf…)
Anons i said i'd shave my hair sometime but now the idea kind of scares me i think
is there any way of not being insecure over that? i think i feel kind of weird about how i'd look, like if i end up looking like shit or something
No. 297196
File: 1667370894993.jpg (72.76 KB, 680x680, art.jpg)
Nonnies, please help me find the name for the content I'm looking for. I'm not interested in male characters, but all the female characters I see are either cringe coom art for males or super sweet kawaii lolita art for straight girls (not nlog, cute art is great but it's not for me). I want female characters to be drawn like fujo husbandos, but not in a cringe male gaze way, don't know how to explain this.
Something like this art by juanmao1997, and 999pigeon occasionally draws girls in the way I like.
Maybe somebody knows what I'm looking for?
No. 297197
File: 1667371001069.jpg (150.66 KB, 1019x879, art1.jpg)
Art by 666pigeon, too bad 99 percent of her arts are giga husbandos with huge male tits
No. 297202
File: 1667372360052.jpg (84.63 KB, 850x756, sample-98f2eceabb00a187575efbe…)
>>297201I like this one, i kinda look for this type of character desigh
No. 297472
File: 1667498050629.png (645.73 KB, 960x639, 1641664086595.png)
I'll always be a beta female.
I changed my name, moved far away. Hadn't even finished high school yet, so I had to sort that out in my new place. And I worked really darn hard to get there. And I still can't escape my past.
>be a little kid
>aspergers but still high functioning
>girls think i'm weird, i don't understand their social language, and facial expressions, and nuance
>hang out with boys and my bestie who is also quiet, look like a boy at the time too
>my dad leaves us
>my mum experiences loss from divorce and parental loss, a friend unfairly slanders her so she loses her friends and reputation too
>i know her upbringing was hard, yk 'le immigrant woman generational trauma', she has been through stuff and i think she was depressed at the time
>she loses it with me sometimes and slams my head into the ground, pulls my hair whilst talking to me, strangles me when angry, calls me bad things (i am an autistic little shit though)
>but she goes on to be a great mother (mostly) and doesn't hurt us anymore, she sacrifices so much for us and is genuinely loving
>our dad snaps at the tiniest things when we're with him, so i'm always tense, he plays psychological tricks on us, says misogynist things, hits our legs, punches the wall, hurts our older sister
>i become weird and withdrawn, i realise that i didn't focus much in school because i was constantly stressed
>i end up with friends that walk over me because i radiate beta energy from how i've been treated, i feel like i deserve it. also i have a first crush on one of them so it's ok if she's mean.
>start middle school
>actually have friends that are retarded but not too retarded, we have fun every day
>go to a new school
>fit in at first
>in retrospect i cringe at all the times i didn't understand sarcasm
>i tried really hard to show normal body language and understand 'human' language
>at 15 or so
>i know im annoying but sometimes i can't understand my mistakes due to autism
>terrible ocd
>start getting hurt at school, first it's just people making remarks, then it's physical, like being pushed and hit, so many rumours about me. my sister is in hospital and i feel too depressed at the time to stand up for myself. i get filmed whilst im being hurt, i am constantly derealising. also our dad properly walks out on us
>struggle to come to terms with being a homosexual, hate myself more
>17-18
>my mum is mostly good, but she only sees the flaws in me, makes me feel worse
>one night she boxes my chin and tries to convince me she was 'moving me out the way', first time in ages
>decide i've had enough
>get my life back on track
>work hard in manual stuff, start studying
>move out to a room far away, to a beautiful, exciting place
>have a job
>use a different name socially
>hang out with girls, they're nice friends
>kind of involved with a girl?
>now (almost 19)
Anyway crap I told you guys my life story. The thing is, I think I have 'beta female' residue. Other women, I think, look down on me. I feel scared of girls my age anyway. If I put effort in, I can wear my 'people face'/mask well and look normal, talk normal, and I even got cuter than I did in my earlier teens, so people are nicer to me. But I still feel like I have a 'virgin' vibe. You can tell I've been hurt, walked over, ignored. And I want to stop giving that off. Because normal girls treat me like a pet, sometimes, and I think I can come off as too shy/docile. I feel that way too, around other girls. How do I stop giving off 'please walk over me'? It's either docile, wounded puppy, or an aggressive, hard shell I wear to protect myself. I'm capable, I love myself more than I did, and I keep boundaries.
Also, how do I stop being so cynical about people? I want to be loving, but sometimes I feel angry towards people who have families they can trust. I feel cynical about love, I always read bad intentions in things, I don't believe people can be good, and I have a deep inner well of anger. I want to combat this because I recognise that I am also very capable of love, and want to become better. I want to attract people who treat me like a human. I want to love others.
No one knows any of this about me. The reason is that I want to protect my mother's honour, as I understand she's human and goes through stuff. And I want to leave the past behind, most of the time. Does anyone know how to deal with this?
No. 297877
File: 1667689185588.jpg (190.03 KB, 1400x1400, 11397e6c-3e82-4a66-bad9-ac1ec1…)
Forgive for rambled nature: I'm in a job that pays very well but I'm living on the edge of burn out. I'm thinking of a career change but I'm scared to take the plunge, particularly to a role that isn't dependent on my qualifications. I don't want to go back to study. I'm in my late twenties and my true passion is writing. I've finished my first novel and now just need to pitch it to publishers and see if anyone bites.
My job is in the social work field. 40% I enjoy my work when I am working (when I am speaking to my clients), but the remainder of the time I think of it in disdain like 'jfc this shit'. I also hate being sat on my ass all day at work as I enjoy being active. My partner is offering for me to live with him November next year which means I could quit my job for awhile and decide my direction, but until then I need to continue my lease/paying rent. I have savings and could use then towards that but he's gotten into my head saying 'save it for a place to buy' because he's right in a way. There's no reason for me to want to leave this job and blow my savings and yet I'm in this situation in which I'd rather be dog walking and making ends meet. I'm considering all these weird career paths and its overwhelming emotionally, if that makes any sense. I'm becoming highly hedonistic and can't deal with doing shit that I don't get purpose out of. I know I've just word saladed, but any nonas who can relate to any of this or provide me some clarity, I'd appreciate it.
No. 298156
File: 1667813623108.jpg (308.73 KB, 966x960, loze.jpg)
Sorry if this isn't the right thread to ask this but it's a little too serious for stupid questions. What are some good resources for learning how to emotionally detach yourself from someone? I'm trying to move on after a friendship break up and it's really hard on me. I was already dealing with mental health problems beforehand and now it's like fuel to a fire. I'm currently reading a Linehan's DBT manual and hoped for something in a similar vein but regarding moving on from people. Any other advice will be appreciated too, for context I still have to see her every other day because we attend the same classes. Trying my best to keep it together rn.
No. 298273
File: 1667860865283.jpg (44.06 KB, 563x557, 4540594d0890f8ea685c60788156f4…)
anons… this is maybe the most delusional ive ever been in my entire life.
so basically
>be me last weekend
>go to concert for obscure band i really love
>have no friends so go with dad
>be buying drinks
>cute boy and his friend (?) walks in
>cute guy is cute. like, he’s my exact, very obscure type. ive never been so attracted to someone before
>i immediately start staring at him and he stares back
>show starts and he stands behind me the whole show
>after the show ends, me and my dad immediately leave
>literally can’t stop thinking about him.
wtf do i do? do i just get over it? im so obsessed im considering posting on my cities missed connections section. i already posted a comment on the upload of the concert on youtube. fuck. my only concern is that he’s gay (he was wearing kind of a gay outfit, blazer w no shirt underneath & some sort of necklace on) but he kept staring at me even though im kind of ugly (growing out shaved head)
please help im crazy
No. 298331
>>298312If you are in a mentally stable enough place to handle talking to them, if you're close enough to them, you can gently ask them about some of their favorites in life, even the smallest, most insignificant thing. Their favorite ice cream, send them a picture of a flower growing through a rock, talk about the smell of fresh cut grass. Seeing a particular bird, a rainbow. Ask them about their favorite song. Again, if you're close enough to this person, you could visit them bring them a small treat or go on a random drive to a park or anything. A dog park or something. Then if you choose to find out why they care feeling the way they are, you can try to see if they're going to therapy, convince them to go, discuss if they're on medication, or if it's really bad, you may have to reach out to their family or call someone to 5150 them. You aren't a qualified therapist, but if you're in a mentally strong enough position, you could help provide a comforting ear or distraction.
No. 298395
>>298312When this happened to me I knew I was worse than not equipped to help that person, so I told her if she did not get professional help, I would tell her parents (we were both in university and I knew her parents). Not only was I sure that I could not talk her down by myself, but if I tried and failed, I was 7 time zones away and could not do very much about it if I found out she was actively attempting. She got her parents involved herself and it took a long time for anything to help with her depression but she kept trying and she is still alive and afaik she is doing a lot better now.
If this is someone who you have known only a few years or less, and if you do not know this person's immediate family well enough to wake them up in the middle of the night with a phone call, be extremely cautious. If you think they might be manipulating you, you need to break off all contact with them right away, because people like that can escalate to becoming a threat to your safety with little or no warning.
Either way, you cannot stop someone from killing themselves, and it's very unhealthy for you (and not very helpful to your loved one) to take on impossible life-or-death tasks with no training.
No. 298400
>>298268ayrt, how did you pick a tattoo artist? if i go to one and they say anything unkind or even tactless i will definitely cry, but i know i need to go and show them before they'll know what i should do. i'm not close enough to anyone irl who has tattoos to talk to them about it either unfortunately.
two of the scars in a really prominent position have about the width of a pencil and a little sunken, totally different texture to skin, but not very discolored. i'm worried about what if the tattoo ink takes/doesn't take to the scars in a way that calls even more attention to them?
No. 298523
ive got a similar problem to this poster
>>298312 but it’s my dad. I don’t know what to do. I haven’t told my mom that he’s been saying out loud to me that he wants to commit suicide, that he’s tired of his boring life, etc. He won’t go to a doctor though, so getting him to a therapist is nearly impossible. Sometimes I wish he would leave, he’s not happy with having a family and responsibilities., but he’d die out there on his own. And mom would be devastated if he left, but I think it’s the best for her.
No. 298890
File: 1668245775514.jpeg (1.68 MB, 2064x1458, 16B26DAD-869E-46D7-BF47-C4C0C5…)
How do you guys build up the courage to break things off with a guy you're going out on regular dates with? Especially when he's really into you and you're (at most) semi-feeling him? Part of me is scared to lose this opportunity because there's some qualities I really like about him that are hard to find in other men, but as far as attraction goes - it's very mild. I can see he has potential to be more attractive but I'd be an asshole to bluntly ask him to hit the gym, get a more flattering haircut, etc. And personality wise - we don't have much chemistry beyond just cordial and platonic back and forths. At the end of our dates, I sometimes feel dejected because I'm just not sensing what I want there. I really don't want to lead him on by thinking these dates are going somewhere when I feel the opposite but at the same time I don't want to hurt him because he's been hurt a lot in the past, and I don't know if I want to let go of that opportunity/potential for things to change. Maybe I sound foolish. I don't know. Please help me, nonnas.
No. 298939
>>298926I have been always the one that approached men, because like
>>298932 said, no one approaches me or tells me that they are interested, I'm the one initializing the conversation.
No. 298941
>>298939exactly, i'm
>>298932 and i don't want to approach some dude who will only be half interested because "she's approaching me, free pussy yolo", the idea is to have a guy that actually likes you enough to initiate contact.
No. 299205
File: 1668397148523.png (39.42 KB, 275x275, 1664663751648.png)
Ok, this is dumb, but…can I get advice on how to turn over a new leaf?
I've isolated myself into having the social skills of a sea cucumber after years of stress, anxiety, and health issues that make me feel like shit, and I…want to break the cycle reach out to my childhood best friend, repairing my friendship with her. Heck. I saw her the other day at the store and she practically ran up to me to greet me and pleaded with me to reach out to her online if I felt too shy to talk in person and…wow, I felt my heart breaking when I saw the look in her eyes. I…just didn't have anything to say and I felt myself suffering. It's like the only thing my brain could come up with was "I wish I had something to say" and existential pain. I just want to have fun again with her and also not be such a bad friend.
In the past in countless other things, I disassociate from a terrible experience, it starts poisoning everything around it, then I start getting more uncomfortable until it becomes a massive fear and…it has defined my life. It's ridiculous but I'm pretty sure I was 100x more confident and certain when I was a morbidly obese kid/teen then I am now, fit. It's like tiny, entrapping coping mechanisms replaced actualization for me and now I act like a brick wall.
No. 299285
File: 1668453384778.jpeg (54.48 KB, 343x360, 784D1AF0-3744-45D4-B91D-E0168E…)
How to end a conversation when the other person is really into it? I'm a fantastic listener and conversationalist so naturally people enjoy talking to me, but I'm also a doormat so I tend to let people talk to/at me for hours at a time. Lately I've been having conversations that I also sometimes enjoy (new for me!), but they go on way too long. I have important stuff to do that gets completely sidelined because of this. It's even worse because I'm an introvert, so afterwards I have literally no energy. It's very frustrating. So basically… how can I politely end a conversation that someone else is really enjoying, and I might even be having a good time too? I want to know what to say, how to say it, some way to successfully end the interaction. Because that's also a problem: making moves to walk away, but I get sucked back in because the other person's persistence supersedes my exit speed. My biggest fear is someone getting mad at me or guilt tripping me for ending the interaction, so I want to be as polite and non confrontational as possible. Any advice?
No. 299296
File: 1668459781960.png (50.3 KB, 607x314, Confused-Frog-e1504128339275.p…)
I want to preface this with stating that I realize I may be handling this situation poorly and if I seem like a bad person, I understand.
I’m really confused.
I have an online friend that I’ve been buddies with for about two years. I met him on a tiny livestream he hosts along with his friend and (only recently found out) his wife. We share a very niche hobby and over the years I have done some work for his stream and we have had a couple friendly phone calls. The only thing we would talk about is the hobby we share and other general light topics. I am married, and I would mention my husband frequently in our conversations when it was relevant. I knew the girl in his livestream MUST have been his girlfriend of wife, but he would never ever talk about her. If I brought it up, he would quickly change the subject. Like I said before, I only recently found out they were married because I straight up asked. I thought it was weird he was secretive about her, but I chalked it up to he must not like talking about his personal life.
So recently by pure coincidence, there was a small convention for our niche hobby and he flew from another state to attend with his friend who asked him to go. The convention was an hour away so I of course went and we agreed we could meet up irl. He asked me to hang out the day before or after the con while he was in town, just the two of us, but I thought that would be wildly inappropriate since we are both married, so I made up an excuse that I couldn’t go but that we could hang out at the convention.
So we did hang out at the convention. It was really fun, and we ended up going out to eat and shopping a bit. He wanted to buy everything for me, even lunch, but I insisted on paying because it made me a little uncomfortable that he would want to spend money on me. During lunch he asked a lot of questions about guys I had previously dated (like bad date horror stories) and told me stories about his past relationships. Before I left to go home, he walked me to my car and gave me three hugs. They weren’t long hugs, but still, it felt like maybe a little too much physical contact. After I left he texted me that he was really sad after I left and told me that I have "super beautiful eyes." I didn’t really respond to that and just said it was cool to meet irl.
He’s a really wholesome guy, not at all the type I would feel would try to cheat on his wife, but like, I’m feeling so confused. Does he like me? I have no clue how guys generally act if they are romantically interested because I’m so dense, or am I reading too much into it and he’s just the friendly type?
I don’t know if I should try to distance myself from the friendship or if I’m overreacting. He’s a cool guy and if our circumstances were different, I could see us potentially dating, but that’s just not possible with our situations. I feel like I’m doing something wrong sometimes, like maybe from the outside it looks like more than just a casual online friendship. I would never do anything to hurt my husband yet I feel this weird sense of guilt, like maybe I already have?
I don’t even know what question I’m trying to ask or what advice I’m looking for. I guess I just want to know, is this friendship becoming inappropriate and should I cut it off or do guys normally act this way and it doesn't mean anything?
No. 299637
>>299298>>299532>>299559Thanks for your insight. It helps me see things a little more clearly, and you all are right, he is acting inappropriate and flirty, even if he is doing it without any intentions.
I never did anything to lead him on or make him think I was interested, but now I am starting to feel like he has some sort of crush on me. I genuinely just wanted a casual online friendship to talk about my hobby, that's it.
I will stop replying to his texts frequently and hopefully he will get the message that I'm trying to distance. I think if I confronted him about it he'd just be like "what? no, of course not! you read the situation completely wrong!"
Everyone told me guys and girls can be 'just friends' but now I'm starting to see that might not be true..
No. 299717
>>299691I want to but I worry about my mom and how she may be overwhelmed.
Also my brother refuses to help out because he wants both my parents dead. (He’s hoping my elderly mom will fall down the stairs) He thinks he’s getting the house because he’s the “male heir” even though everyone gets a piece of it.
No. 299734
>>299531You're mother is a grown adult who is asking consciously choosing you to make sacrifices over exerting any kind of authority over your leech of a brother.
I understand where feelings come into play and thus it's not something to feel bad about if you do ask she asks and stay to help your parents. But at the end of the day, what I'd say is that you need to keep distance the way your sisters do and realize that the situation is something of your family's own making that you are not responsible for lubricating. You have your own life.
No. 299735
>>299637How I put it is that women can easily be friends with men because women find it easier to humanize men than vice versa–so it's easy for you to project the way
you work onto a guy (i.e., "wholesome") who doesn't deserve it, who doesn't see you the same way you see him. And yeah. It is fucked up and I don't blame you at all for being confused. Sorry,
nonny. At least you had a good time at the convention.
No. 299738
>>299734Yeah that is true. I guess I feel bad because I want to be a good daughter and do the morally right thing which is to take care of my elderly parents. My whole family is guilt tripping me into doing it because no one else wants to do it.
I don’t know why I have to sacrifice my life this early on in my adult life. I am only 25 and freshly moved out with my own partner. I live far away in a different state whereas all my siblings live in close proximity and are easily there to visit on weekends to help around the house
I don’t know, I feel guilty about it. Has anyone taken care of sick parents here before and chose them over your partner (or vice versa?) What did you do? What was your situation like?
No. 299864
>>299285Here's a few options you can use:
1. Act like you've suddenly just thought of something, interrupt the other person and say "wait, what time is it? oh shoot, i lost track of time while we were talking, i'm so sorry, but i have to go! talk later, byeee!" and literally just run off without giving them a chance to say anything.
>Use sparingly, or else it'll be obvious.2. Similar to #1, but this time ease into it. Make a note of the time during the conversation and casually mention you need to leave in X minutes. Wait about X+5 minutes and then interrupt the conversation to say you're going to be late, say good-byes, and literally run off.
>Be prepared to have an answer if you're asked about your plans when you first bring it up.3. Similar to #2, but at the beginning of the conversation mention that you have something waiting for you that you will need to attend to soon. You don't have to give a specific amount of time unless they ask, so instead of having to interrupt you can wait for a natural pause and say "I better get back to that thing I was doing, but it was great talking with you!"
>You'll have to explain what it is when you bring it up or else it will sound weird. Something like food in the oven, or a kid needing to be picked up, or a pet needing attention works.Retards who are bad at ending conversations (i mean me, not you nona) mostly need to be told that the conversation has to end immediately-right-now-this-second or else we don't make it a priority.
No. 299876
File: 1668712208026.jpeg (64.33 KB, 1080x1350, 24F5E835-35EB-4DDF-B39C-C36216…)
I don’t if this belongs in the right thread but my boyfriend wants me to look like this one girl who used to model. She is extremely pretty and he wants me to use her as an exemple. I have always used pictures of other women to try and improve my looks but I look nothing like with this one it is actually not achievable. I usually use women that have similar features to mine so I can copy or try similar makeup looks.
Here’s a picture of her. I won’t post a picture of me but we are completely different.
First, she’s extremely pale and I am not white, I am North African so even if I try really hard I cannot get my skin any paler..She has long dark hair. I have light hair but I dyed it black two days ago and it’s long but not long enough.
I am skinny, like, 40 kilos. She is too but she’s like, average normal woman weight. And her features..she has a small nose, and I don’t, she has, well, white features and I don’t. I just feel so fucking awful. I’ve always been the insecure type but never like this. It just hurts me so much that he looks at this woman and wishes she was his.
There is also like, the body hair part. He really likes body hair especially armpits hair and for some fucking reason I have never had any (I am AN ADULT). I’m actually loosing hope, because I can’t find shit about growing armpits hair when you have non as a girl.
God god god what do I do?
No. 299882
>>299876yeah leave him sis that is creepy af
get someone better who loves you for you
No. 299883
>>299842My mom will probably worry over him and force him to move in with us if we do that situation.
I wish she would just drop his lazy parasitic ass
No. 300150
>>300065Personally i think there is no point and you should cut contact. But i do understand most people want social interaction, so as an alternative im thinking maybe just use her for the party opportunities? And try to find better friends through that. Or try to find a different friendgroup altogether. Whatever you decide to do, you definitly deserve a better friend
nonnie!
No. 300492
>>300466Honestly, I do agree that the company you keep is a reflection of who you are to a certain extent. The key point here is that if someone tells you to 'watch out for Bob' but allows you to make the decision for yourself after some time, then thier advice was coming from a place of care and concern. But if they tell you don't talk to them and if you don't do x y and z I'm leaving. Of course, the situations vary, for example if a partner doesn't like someone that is flirty with you or someone who can jeopardize the relationship then they should talk to you about.
Use discernment in the future, but if your future partner is someone with a good head on thier shoulders and they warn you about someone, it doesn't make you a doormat to take thier warning.
No. 300651
>>300548First, it needs to heal. Just take some time to accept that it's there, while it's healing there's not much you can do either way.
Any tattoo takes times to get used to, whether it's a tattoo you like or not. Is it in a place that can be easily covered up? It's not a perfect solution but it can help for the time being if it's really stressing you out. It is possible to get used to the tattoo that you're not too fond of, can even make for a funny story in time. For now, just take care of it and make sure it heals well, you might come up with a solution yourself given enough time. Try not to stress yourself too much about it for the time being.
As for later, are you sure you won't be able to cover it up? You can always try to look up more tattoo artists and their work, you might discover a nice cover up idea. If you change your mind about cover up tattoos you can always go to a different artist and just honestly explain the situation, about how you were stressed and didn't have enough time to think it through. Any decent tattoo artists will be more than understanding and might even be able to offer their own advice. You could even try to do that now and contact a few artists and ask for advice. Just take some time to think about it.
No. 300683
File: 1669204729557.jpg (22.3 KB, 563x360, 1289a354b9830b99056c18d8d11661…)
I am 19 years old and have never actually worked. I have had 2 jobs in the past but I quit them both (dishwashing and tourist shop) after roughly a week. I overall feel very incompetent, useless etc. I have social anxiety and generally have low confidence, I also might be on the spectrum. There is nothing going on for me, I skip class (which isnt even allowed where I am from) stay in bed all day cant focus on anything. I've got zero friends, I don't socialize with anyone, I'm literally a monk.Living in The Netherlands but not native.
No. 300695
>>300683I understand how you feel since I've been in the same boat, but plenty of people haven't had real jobs yet at 19. Maybe you could try a job that starts at just a couple of hours a week, so that the workload is very manageable and you can slowly work your way up instead of it being too overwhelming causing you to quit.
Also I'm in the Netherlands too, I'm always happy to meet new people so if you want someone to socialize with you could drop a throwaway email or something.
No. 300696
>>300695probably wont but here
tibori4415 at kuvasin com
No. 300716
How can I learn to love myself at 27 years old? I've hit absolute rock bottom. I utterly, permanently destroyed the relationship that I thought would be my forever partner. I have maybe 1-2 distant friends in my city, and anotjer 3 or so online friends. I have a job that barely pays me enough to survive and I'm close to getting fired because I'm such a depressed piece of garbage. I can't seem to get a better one despite trying for months now. I hate my body, I've gained weight, I dress like shit, I can't keep my apartment clean, I'm drowning in medical bills. I'm dating someone new but I'm pretty sure it won't work out, as badly as I want it to, because I just don't love myself enough. I'm overly clingy and anxiously attached because I'm so scared of fucking up again and so desperately want to feel loveable. Likeable, even.
I know exactly the point in time where everything went wrong–literally down to the date and time. If I could wake up tomorrow in that moment I would change everything. But the truth is, I know that I was still doomed back then because I didn't love myself either and I have always exhibited BPD-esque traits.
How do I rebuild myself? How do I feel worthy? How do I stop fucking up? I had so much potential, and now I've lost everything. I don't know how to come back from this.
No. 300727
>>300716Stop feeding the shame. There’s a difference between healthy guilt that encourages us to do better and shame that we use to punish ourselves and continue harmful decisions. Focusing on where it went wrong won’t fix it or make it better. Grieve the past and let go of the what ifs anon. You can’t go back. You have to focus on letting go and moving forward.
Everything is connected and it sounds like your underwater. Start small. Basic hygiene. Decent nutrition. Enough water. Look into learned helpliness and overcoming and DBT work books.
How do you feel about the new person? Are they someone you could be honest with?
No. 300755
>>300716I meeeean, not to be patronizing but most times I've seen a woman go "oh no, I destroy my relationship" turned out there was a glaring incompatibility and she would have needed to contort herself for many years to keep it going, she vastly overestimated the connection, or the male did something worse than her. Just, stay away from trying to seek out big things like "forever partners". Also watch the negative self talk. You aren't garbage, you're just a person who's gotten used to feeling helpless and trying to cope with rhetorical self-harm. And loving yourself? Just so you know, you don't need to in order to feel ok. You don't have to base your progress off of self-perception, or "worth"…in fact, fixating on it probably prevents you more from doing other stuff with zest. Now again it's probably me projecting - I found 0 progress in trying to improve my self image, the only thing that helped was focusing on what I actually liked doing - but yeah. I'm cringing at how you're already dating someone new which will create new opportunities for the vicious cycle of anxious dependence to continue…and I say that not because you don't love yourself either but because relationships are usually a timebomb for someone as vulnerable as you. But, whatever.
No. 300923
>>300808Yeah I don't have any money nor patience.
>>300812I know it's common, but in my case it's not even the design I had in mind originally. There are 3 elements and originally I only wanted one of them, I would have been happy if I only had that one.
No. 301290
File: 1669625558605.jpg (89.02 KB, 660x481, dolce-far-niente-by-august-tou…)
How can I get out of executive dysfunction and just make myself do things?
I procrastinate even things that I would like to do. I have built this habit of only doing things that are 0 effort (watching tv shows, movies, Youtube videos, or even just having these in the background while doing…nothing in particular) and have abandoned my hobbies that take a bit of an effort (drawing and reading). I think about picking these up again but it never happens. There is also my negative self talk that keeps me from doing creative stuff. It feels ridiculous to schedule fun and having to pick a time and just sit down and do it but is there else I can do?
No. 301317
File: 1669646342544.jpeg (41.95 KB, 640x533, D036A6A8-C70F-4AA8-BC3D-12FE52…)
how do I become a better person overall? I acknowledged a long time ago that I’m a selfish and jealous bitch, which is why I’ve cut off nearly all of my friends until I get myself sorted out. I don’t know if it’s in my head or what, but I just feel like I destroy every friendship I have. what do, nonnies
No. 301382
>>301360>>301373Thanks anons. Deep down, I always wished I had a "normal" father and ultimately I know he doesn't exist for me. He doesn't deserve my sympathy or even space in my mind. I had listened to his message again and I realized his exact words were that he hopes I'm "in a mood to make amends". Again, subtly framing it like it's all my fault and I'm being cruel to him for no reason. Like
>>301373 said, his intentions are not from a good place at all. I'm going to keep working on letting this go and moving forward with my life. I won't respond to him. If not for me, for my mom and sister.
No. 301546
>>301355Agree with the anons above, but here's my take on it, if you happen to read it: approach this with a cool head (as you should any heavily emotionally charged situation), ask yourself: are you truly that forgiving, or is it simply guilt? Maybe you are that forgiving, that kind, and that selfless! Are you willing to accept that he's a liar, he's hurt you and he can't change– and still be willing to help him? If yes, you can always give him another chance, or a thousand other chances, but accept he won't change; if no, then let it be. You know you will be hurt, question is can you handle it again from him, or is it a closed chapter altogether? Should you handle it again from him, has he done enough good things for you to warrant such lenience? Can you help him,if he needs it, while being completely detached, just to do your "duty", and not feel guilty later in your life that he died alone and sad? Which will probably happen, not that I wish it, of course.
No. 301687
File: 1669840497240.jpg (19.75 KB, 275x275, 1664474742966.jpg)
Nonnies, I've been thinking about getting into programming. I do have a personal interest in certain things but I want to find out two things:
if I can even succeed at/tolerate it and, what I should focus on–I do have personal interests but I'm not sure what would be feasible to pursue. Is there specific resources I can check out?
No. 302466
>>301687Here's the programming thread in /ot/
>>>/ot/230337 I think you're more likely to get an answer there!
No. 302787
>>302779Tbh the only way you can overcome this is to go and reflect on how nothing bad happened to you after the fact. Sometimes I get into a mindset I'm about to witness my death because I thought of the possible scenario that could happen at the current moment, yet nothing happens. Recognize your imagination might be running wild, but thoughts are not factual. You could imagine a tiger appearing right in front of you, but an actual tiger will literally not appear.
Another crucial thing, disconnect from the internet as much as you can, social media sites have made me feel like people are out to get me or something I did online will affect me offline, despite there being no apparent trace of my doing. Right after Trump was elected, I fell for the white supremacists were going to hurt me if they saw a brown person at any moment meme and I remember going to the grocery store that day paranoid as fuck, on edge and about to cry thinking I was going to be a target, and looking out for the Kind White Savior wearing a dumbass safety pin. When I got home I realized how retarded it was for me to actually believe everything I read written by strangers online and for the fact it was just another normal day for everyone not so terminally online like I was.
Also, to ease the intensity of the paranoia symptoms; eat well, drink more water, sleep an adequate amount, exercise a few times a week. Recognize if you don't do these things, the symptoms will not lessen, but also learn to be okay with that knowledge. It's all about accepting the symptoms are there and still living your life despite them. Don't let your imagination have more power than your rational side.
No. 302802
>>302770nta. Your condition sucks but you don't have to be an ass about it to someone trying to help you.
Regarding the tests, I suspect they'll test you to see if you're fit for the job. Ime training (mostly) isn't teaching you how to hold a conversation as much as it is providing you with lots of knowledge you'll need to help customers, what to do in certain situations, how the software works, setting up the software on your device etc. This might be different for different callcenters but when I worked for one, we basically read everything right off a script that spelled out every single sentence down to greetings which is very helpful but not every conversation follows the script so you need knowledge to deal with that.
And if you get rejected: so what? You move on and try again and again just like everyone else.
No. 302818
File: 1670431561505.jpg (42.18 KB, 550x734, cb9.jpg)
How tf do you cope with losing a job every year?
I'm almost 30 and I'm so tired of this shit. The longest that I had a job was 2.5 years. I know jobs aren't as permanent as they used to be but I'm tired of the searching, bs interviews etc. Most of them are entry level so it's not like I gained some "valuable experience", I'm just working because I need money, the jobs I'd like to have require an education I can't get due to being poor, not living in/near one of the big cities and having a car. Ican't even rely on anyone to support me because I'm literally the one supporting my fucking brother and mother, who both have jobs and I don't make enough to move out.
No. 302820
>>302818Why the heck do you get fired
Drama or just lazyness
No. 302821
>>302805Can you go to a social worker or something like that for advice? Employment office? What do other people in your situation in your country do? Can you go on disability?
>>302818Why are you supporting your brother and mother? Especially your brother? Maybe you need to cut at least your brother off and put the money towards moving out. Have you looked into apprenticeship trajectories (or whatever it's called in English)? Basically an agreement where a bussiness will pay for your education in exchange for working for them for X years. You go to school part time and work part time. You might not get your ideal dream job that way but it should at least get you out of the lowest paying shit jobs.
No. 302825
>>302820Neither. I just suck at it.
>>302821We live in a house together and neither of them pay for food or bill, they'll literally let it get to the point of getting the power shut off because they're pieces of shit. My mother has some debt from our fathers funeral so I get that she can't contribute much, but my brother straight up steals the food I buy. She refuses to kick him out because he's her favourite so eh.
I'm in Eastern Europe, and as far as I'm aware that's not a thing anymore, might be a thing you can find in trade schools but even that is getting rare
No. 302850
I'm sorry to be forthright with such a gross topic but, well… there's been blood in my stools for about six months now. It's gotten to the point where I know I need a check-up. I'm in remission from one type of cancer and my mother has bowel cancer so I guess that heightens my own chance of having it. Thing is, this is a very busy month for my wife and I. It's both our birthdays, Hanukkah, Christmas, the anniversary of us first getting together and New Years. During this we have parties to go to, her father flying over from America to see us, a big family Christmas planned with my young siblings, bio father and stepmother. It's a lot of nice things to look forward to, I don't want this stress hanging over her. I could try and get an appointment behind her back but I'm a shitty liar and just one "how was your day?" will be the end of it. My plan is to wait until we're like a week into the new year and tell her then. She's been such a rock through my battle with cancer, she deserves to have an awesome birthday, holidays, anniversary and NYE. It's the best thing to do, right? I'm probably fine; it's no use us both worrying about it when we should be having fun.
No. 302985
>inb4 bpdfag
My fear of rejection due to emotional neglect by my parents and “friends” who would bully me growing up has had such a toll on my life. The weight on my shoulders has been slightly lifted after this realization, but there are still things that my brain does that I can’t control. I’ve been able to keep 3-4 close friends in my life, but I just wish I could be in a genuine friend group with people who actually care about me, yet I never allow people to get too close to me because in the back of my mind I don’t deserve to be cared about, even though I really am a great friend and am very caring/ empathetic towards others. I can’t help but get the feeling that people are out to get me whenever they show the slightest indifference or forget to include me in things, and I think it’s from the fear of being rejected. I tend to always see the bad in everyone, whether it’s acquaintances or partners, and it’s definitely because I want to subconsciously reject them before they have the chance to reject me. Yet at the same time I tend to be more emotionally invested in partners who make me feel like i’m being rejected? Like I dumped my ex boyfriend due to the fact that he’s bipolar and whenever he was down, I couldn’t help but assume it was something to do with me even though I know it wasn’t the case, that’s just how my brain works. Now I found a really great guy who makes me feel loved and secure… but part of me yearns for my ex who didn’t show me as much affection even though I was always miserable because of it. I plan to go through all of this with my therapist, but my therapy session keeps getting pushed back and I need some advice from someone who has gotten over this same problem to tide me over until then. I want to become close with others, I want to love without judgement, I want a friend group I can have inside jokes with and who can show me they appreciate me without me recoiling and thinking I don’t deserve to be cared about at all, to the point of always hiding my birthday from everyone every year because I feel like I don’t deserve the attention. I want to stop being surprised whenever someone shows they care enough about me to remember some stupid shit I brought up a while ago. I want to love and feel deserving of love so bad. This fucking suuuuucks
No. 303025
>>302857>>302858>>302913>>302925>>302948I mulled over what you guys said, and you're all right. I shouldn't hide this. Situation reversed, I would absolutely want to know if my wife was going through this. She was asking me last night what was wrong with me because she could sense something was off, so I came clean and told her. It caused a pretty big argument because I hid it for so long and it's clearly affected my mood lately. But she's right, it was an awful thing to do. I called my doctors this morning, explaining my situation and asking for an urgent appointment. I should be getting a call in a couple hours discussing the next steps. The blood is usually dark, but I am on a lot of medication so it could be that wreaking havoc on my stomach, idk. I'm just gonna take whatever appointment they give me. Holidays be damned, I've been an idiot and hurt my wife even more by trying to protect her. I can't thank you all enough for talking sense into me. Actually I should've thanked you all last night, but I was a little annoyed that no one agreed with my stupid plan, kek. Take care, nonas. Bless you all. ♥
No. 303028
File: 1670506725456.jpg (29.52 KB, 500x500, dfb7e6bf-b2a7-42e8-a83c-6dbc02…)
This will sound very stupid and I'm preaching to the choir here but where else can I ask this.
How can I stop getting triggered by gendie topics. I noticed that I get angry or very upset easily when it's brought up irl. A lot of my friends have become either enbies or tifs despite some of them not even being chronically online. These were my "touch grass" friend group after I found myself stuck with overly political people.
I'm already pretty shit about managing my emotions but this just throws a wrench into my already non-existent emotional control. I don't want to hurt them by accidentally lashing out.
No. 303168
File: 1670578996708.jpeg (125.29 KB, 601x800, 98C16D15-1774-4C67-84B2-E58D62…)
i hate how i look so much i cant look in any mirrors whatsoever, i cant have photos taken of me. i am considerably uglier than basically every girl i know. i still get male attention but i’m convinced its just because small woman vagina and tits. i want a rhinoplasty, its the only way ill he happy. opinions nonnies?
No. 303195
>>303028ill probably be called a troon for this but tbh i would try to spend more time offline, it really helped with my
triggered/raging. try to have a live and let live attitude towards them. youll get a lot of "distance yourselves from them" but tbh discourse/politics are never worth losing friends over.
No. 303221
File: 1670613177199.gif (6.71 MB, 498x498, kittens-pet.gif)
Can I get some sense knocked into me? I feel like there's literally nothing to live for.
>fucked up teeth; several never grew in, bite issues, jaw issues, nose issues leading to me mouth breathing, etc. I also have a scary RBF from the lighting-like pain I constantly have
>autism + speech disability that is worst than ever even after 10 years of speech therapy in school, I can't even have a conversation anymore
>health issues like sleep apnea that makes me look like death 24/7, I'm still desperately trying to find treatment
>taller and bigger boned than almost everyone, basically tranny-level
>0 positive experience with men my entire life; the only times I've been approached it was an insult. People do in fact give a shit if you're "ugly"
>have 1 childhood friend that I could actually rely on but ended up becoming so scared of the idea that I'm no longer the same person that I stopped talking to her even though literally last month she saw me in public and ran at me to greet me and say that she missed me so much. It's like my mind was screaming at her each time I looked her in the eyes…I am so goddamned ashamed
I had ok self-esteem growing up when I was obese. Naivety helped me. Now, I'm the skinniest I've ever been - 21 BMI - and I'm fit but I feel so bad about myself I don't even want to step outside and the only relief I experience is when I'm completely alone. I'm afraid for my future. It's like I've given up hope. I'm way too old to have the issues I do and have any hope of thriving in society ever. I don't want to scare people. I don't want to be seen. I just want to fade away and I don't know what to do. Already when I was a little girl I wished I was never born because my family hated me and locked me in a room alone for months, but it's like…things only got worse and in fact I look back to those days with envy. At least then I could live inside my head in peace.
No. 303230
>>303221Hey
nonnie, I'm sorry you're feeling this way. It sucks and I know that those experiences have to have shaped how you see yourself and your value, especially since you're experiencing health issues on top of everything else. That being said - I wonder what your life would look like if you focused on living life for yourself instead of despairing that you won't gain the approval of strangers. I completely understand pretty privilege is a thing, but it really doesn't encompass the full spectrum of the human experience. You don't need those people's approval. You have a whole life to live for yourself. There are so many amazing things in this life you could experience that are completely unrelated to how you look. I hope that's helpful - you are valuable. Sending hugs.
No. 303235
>>303168I know this feeling nona and I am sorry you're experiencing it. I have a 'European' nose and a mismatched face. Even now I am cautious of photos; once upon a time I would leave a room if I heard a recording of myself. I am working past through this though. Below is what helped me.
I would recommend reflecting on things you do like about yourself, externally and internally, and getting a mantra that emphasises said worth e.g. 'eyes, honesty, creativity. These I love'. Even if it is one thing, or yon only half like it..If you are forcing yourself to be kind to yourself, eventually it will become habit and you may begin to think these things naturally. Be gracious for these things. I'm not trying to discount your situation with 'muh gratitude' but when I think of what I have compared to to others (especially those things you may like) you are also setting up a cycle of appreciation for those things that can be contagious.
Reflect on your definition of beauty too, since you said you feel ugly. You mentioned your nose, but what else makes you ugly in your eyes? Who are you comparing yourself too? Get a few photos of people who you consider beautiful and really look. Have they had work done? Are they wearing makeup? Turns out some of the most beautiful people look just as 'ugly' unless they've gotten work. It helped me to find celebrities who shared a feature with me (even if botched) for reference. How do they do their makeup? What suits their face? Sometimes we can feel ugly because we're trying to fit into a box we're not made for. I always wanted a pixie nose and would desperately style myself towards that aesthetic when I should've been embracing the modish/regal look of my nose.
Don't rule the rhinoplasty out. If you really want it, work towards it. Just be sure you want it for you and not to tick someone else's beauty box. Would you be able to confidently say that once you got it, you'd be happy or would you need more work? Sorry for some TMI but I wish you all the best nona. This struggle is a hard one but I know you'll get through it.
No. 303243
File: 1670623859602.jpeg (170.53 KB, 640x639, CE30A0A6-8563-4517-87F3-F3BB9B…)
Nonas this a long one I’m sorry but i need to figure out what to do
heres’s some backstory;
when I was 19, my bestfriend was in love with a mutual friend of ours whom i’ve known since we were 14/15. Now my friend and I have been friends since the pandemic so when she told me she liked him I was shocked but also supportive. At this time i was only pursuing women and I had 0 interest in him - ever. The thought never crossed my mind.
He got a girlfriend and that made her extremely upset and she would cry for hours about him to me and I just remember not understanding what was so great about this guy. He has been my friend for years but I didnt think he was a moid worth getting drunk and crying over. she stopped talking to him around september of last year and earlier this year (around january) she had cut him off completely which saddened me. She sent him a text explaining why she didnt want to be his friend and how she felt. He apologized for not knowing and hurting her.
Him and I moved to the same city with another mutual (for college) while she stayed in our city. Unlike our mutual - him and I struggled a lot with the move. My girlfriend broke up with me and him and his gf had to separate because of distance - We struggled academically being in college, socially since we were new to the city and financially since we were fulltime students. i also had a lot going on bc of my mental health. But because of our struggles, we were able to support each other in school, help with groceries/meals, and even push each other to see other women. We didnt live together but it was nice to have a safe place to go back to when my abusive mom came to live with me.
My bestfriend however had a sour face everytime I would bring him up and although I get it i thought it was really unfair. With our other mutuals we had a great group of friends and then she developed feelings and things just got awkward and now I find i have almost no one except for him and our mutual.
He is doing a lot better financially and socially. He’s made friends he loves his job but I’m still in the same position i was in last year because of the horrible year i’ve had. I’ve watched him grow and I started to feel guilty because i realized I really like this guy but I didnt want to do anything to jeopardize our friendship (since ive seen how that went) and just ignored my feelings.
My bestfriend and I went to see a concert a few months ago and I was sober but she was on mushrooms and it seemed like we were having a great time after the concert and then she just started crying and wouldnt tell me what was wrong. I assumed it was a bad trip and took her home. She left my place and hasnt really texted me since.
We used to facetime like once a week or two and text frequently but she doesnt reply to my texts and hasnt facetimed me once in the last two months. I see on instagram she’s hanging out with all her friends back home but she always tells me shes working and cant talk or facetime. My 21st birthday was last month and i got a single happy birthday text and thats pretty much how its been.
Now the thing is, since she’s stopped talking to me I’ve only had him to rely on. Him and I had a talk and he told me he really appreciated my support throughout the year and can’t imagine his life without me and he sees im struggling and wants to offer me the same support. It was really sweet. I got drunk a few nights after and he dropped me off home and while drunk and crying i told him how I appreciated everything he’s done for me and sometimes i wish I could be selfish and just have him all to myself. He said I was too drunk but he really likes me too. The next day i apologized but we just started slowly dating I guess.
Its been two months since we’ve started dating and three since I’ve talked to my bestfriend. My sister was hospitalized for her depression and PTSD and this moid has been the best support ever.
The only issue is I dont know how to tell her or how to bring it up. She doesnt reply to my texts and last time we facetimed i had to let her know my sister was hospitalized and i didnt really have time then and I just cant get her on the phone now. I know this would break her heart if i told her but i also feel like such a piece of shit friend for really liking him and dating..
TL;DR
Bestfriend liked a moid ive been friends with for years. I moved to a new city with him and another mutual and now that they no longer talk him and I started dating.
No. 303346
Hey, asking for some advice in relation to a friendship. This is a long one.
I met this girl when I first started my masters degree, we hit it off right away, literally attached at the hip and did everything together, born on the same day and everything. I genuinely felt like I had met my soulmate considering I'm not so interested in romance etc and invest most of my time into my platonic relationships. We had the same interests although we didn't agree on everything, we would have the most interesting and down to earth conversations, for the first time in my life I felt like I was truly understood by another human being. I have other friends of course, but this girl was really someone that I considered to be my best friend in the whole world. She had flaws of course like we all do. She was possessive, at times overly judgemental and very impulsive. She didn’t like my other friends, so in turn they began to dislike her. I was very involved in university activities and she didn’t like that either. I would ask her to come hang with me and some other friends and she would say she wasn’t interested in being friends with anyone other than me. Yes, in retrospect these are pretty big red flags but she had some great aspects to her personality too. She was generous, creative and very attentive to emotions. I didn’t mind her possessiveness so much because I enjoyed being with her.
After about 2 years of being friends we decided to go away for a few weeks on a trip through multiple countries. It started off great, we were having an amazing time. I liked to have my space sometimes and she did too, so we didn’t seem to have any issues. However, the last few days she started acting strange. I came down with some terrible food poisoning and had to take a day and a half off exploring, and she didn’t like that at all. She would guilt trip me, make passive aggressive comments etc. I’m a very straightforward person but when I asked her what the issue was, she would say there’s no problem. She would disappear for hours at a time with random men, was rude and uncaring unlike I’d ever seen her before. One night I woke up in my hotel bed to her standing over me, just watching me sleep. I was understandably fucking terrified and asked her what the fuck she was doing and she responded ‘Just checking up on you.’ After this I was extremely unsettled, I had this feeling of dread that I just couldn’t shake. I ended up going outside for a cigarette at 3am and calling my friend to offload my emotions. After that, she became the antichrist, genuinely. Commenting on my weight, my clothes, the way I spoke… anything she could find to insult me with she would. This all led to the climax when we arrived at the airport to fly home and I couldn’t take it anymore and we had a huge fight. I called her insane which led to her slapping me clean across the face. After that I was so done, I got a separate flight so I wouldn’t have to see her. This whole time she's blowing up my phone saying she’s sorry and begging me to forgive her. I never spoke to her again, and eventually had to block her due to her messages turning threatening.
This has genuinely destroyed me in a way that none of my previous friendships or romantic relationships have. I am terrified at the thought of seeing her on the street, of hearing her name, of finding an old gift she got me, of being reminded of her in any way. After a lot of therapy appointments, crying myself to sleep, anger etc I feel like I can finally begin to move on. Months have passed since then yet I continue to receive emails from her from different accounts with pictures, poems she wrote about me, threats etc. Even seeing her name in my inbox almost sends me into a panic but everytime I block her she finds a new way. I am afraid that she will not leave me alone and after hearing testimonies from people who knew her before I knew her I genuinely think she is a dangerous and disturbed person. I’m afraid she won’t leave me alone. Does anyone have any experience with a similar situation? I feel like I’m at my wits end. Everytime I go out I’m looking over my shoulder. This is scary.
TL;DR
Ex best friend threatens and harasses me daily even though our friendship ended several months ago.
No. 303417
File: 1670721626007.jpg (58.75 KB, 564x559, c1ded2a26b9eb01804478df5e6e286…)
How do I stop my constant sadness? I will listen to a cute happy love song and get sad because it reminds me of my failure to connect with other people, I will watch a feel-good movie and it will make me feel sad because I don't think I'm capable of showing those emotions. It's like everything provokes my sadness. Even when I'm in good company I will just get sad because I start worrying about not living in the moment, or I start feeling disconnected from the people I'm talking to
No. 303635
>>303606You will find lots and lots and lots of laboratory job opportunities with your degree nona. GPA and undergrad research experience only matters for grad school and if you really want to go I'm 100% sure you can get in to a decent program somewhere. (But to be honest, grad schools always accept more students than they have room for because so many wash out right away, so getting in isn't actually the hard part - making it to candidacy is.) Grad school isn't worth it unless you already have a specific career in mind and even then you're better off getting some real work experience first anyway.
Your university should have some kind of place you can go to talk to someone for specific career advice also. Most universities have career fairs every year and various mentorship/resume-building programs you can join for free. There's also like Toastmaster's (you sound like you suffer from low confidence so practice speaking authoritatively wouldn't hurt). Go on like indeed or whatever and just search for microbiology laboratory technician jobs, you will see there are so many.
No. 303910
>>303906It's an actual problem for me, I'll just be aroused for days on end. Even if I
masturbate, it doesn't matter how often I get off, if anything it gets worse the more I do it. The sex therapists also do transgender "care" and I already know what they will prescribe me after one look at me. I would be better off trying to get SSRI's probably, finding some way to chemically reduce my sex drive, though I worry it wouldn't be strong enough. Getting laid isn't an option and I should have a better way of dealing with this than having to subject another woman to this.
No. 303975
>>303974Not the US. GP's mainly have a gatekeeping function to stop people as much as possible from accessing stuff they might not really need to survive. Preventative healthcare or anything which isn't related to life and death isn't permitted. They prefer to have a wait-and-see approach and there is nothing you can do, no money you can throw at them, to change their mind. So getting a bloodtest for something as silly as this is never going to happen. They already want to nationally stop all support for menopausal women too (including the ones who go into it too early). I literally have 0 hope for my silly bullshit then.
To go to a therapist you have to be referred by your GP too and I've only had bad luck with them (including being told I'm possessed by demons kek). The other option would be going a week in-patient to go outside of the area she said. Of course she also always says I'm still welcome at the gender clinic. For some reason getting healthcare is fucking near impossible until it's an emergency, except when it's troon shit.
No. 303996
>>303988Nta but my moneys on Switzerland
Anon should just say the country tho
No. 304003
File: 1671033987271.png (72.74 KB, 825x857, us-womens-healthcare-quality.P…)
>>303976>American qualitykek
No. 304048
>>304011i had this recently and managed to defeat it, usually they are strongest in autumn then die off in winter
get flea treatment that is applied on the coat of the cat - hoover the furniture/carpets every day, buy flea spray for furniture, if your cat lets you groom her you can just go through it's fur and grab the bugs with your fingers, a head torch helps, then just drop the bugs in a cup of hot water
the absolute best is if they are ok with baths, give your cats a good warm soak for 10 mins, drowns em dead
No. 304348
File: 1671243886983.jpeg (17.97 KB, 652x434, KA1217_05_ka-bar-ka1217-05.jpe…)
Self defense anons, what's the best knife for self defense against people and animals, like stray men and dogs? I'm going to buy a pepper spray but I also want to have a knife. I work abroad in Netherlands and carrying pepper sprays and knives is illegal here, but I don't give a fuck and when I'm on my next vacation at home I'm buying this shit and bringing it back with me. I had too many shady turk men following me, and too many people walk with their mutts without muzzle on, especially shitbulls. If anyone attacks me I won't hestitate.
No. 304375
>>303606I'm also in STEM science. I am due to graduate next semester and I've had 16 months of paid work experience and 8 months of research experience.
Like you, my undergrad career also got screwed over by the pandemic. The semester where the pandemic started, the company I was supposed to work for forfeited my internship and I also had a hard time getting into research labs. I had to delay my graduation so I can find work and research experience, mainly through my university's co-op program and undergraduate student research award (basically full-time research work). Does your university have something like that? I understand that delaying graduation is not an option for you due to your financial situation, so maybe ask some alumni who graduated from your program and how well they manage to find a job without relevant work experience and see if it's worth it. The only reason why I delayed graduation is because I thought it would be much harder to get a job if I graduated without experience and it's much easier to gain experience and network through my uni's co-op program.
My university also offered these 400-level research-based courses. So you're getting involved in a research project while earning credits for it. This is one way to gain research experience and also earn a recommendation letter from a professor. Also, if you have a professor you like it's worthwhile to take another class from them, get to know them, and visit their office hours. Networking with professors is important for getting those recommendation letters especially since most grad schools require at least 2 or 3 letters.
Feel free to ask my any questions if you have any. You might also want to visit the career and university thread.
>>>/ot/1180797>>>/ot/1332007 No. 304432
File: 1671289880926.jpg (131.95 KB, 768x223, X-marker_uitwerking.jpg)
>>304348X-marker is the legal alternative to pepperspray. Not sure if it blinds the attacker but it stains their face bright blue for 3 days.
I can't help but wonder, is it worth carrying pepperspray illegally when you can just have deodorant or hairspray on you?
No. 304445
File: 1671294960893.jpg (344.11 KB, 1606x1800, ransiefuor10.jpg)
How the FUCK do I have a proper wet dream? I just had a regular one last night about my husbando and the most action I got was pretending to be asleep and then leaning into him when he propped me up on a chair. I fucking hate this. I cockblock myself.
No. 304721
File: 1671420752777.jpg (27.06 KB, 663x485, 1671410319116704.jpg)
>>291112>>291216hey nonnas im back to say that i listened to your advice and i got over him in like a week and eventually found a new very cute boy that is now my boyfriend so thank you girls
>>291802you know it !
No. 305517
File: 1672331618061.jpg (17.52 KB, 301x333, cc5171bac5587c53239296d04c2555…)
I bought my boyfriend a pretty expensive birthday gift. He asked me what I wanted for mine and I said a mac book. I'm an animator/graphic designer so most of us work on illustrator on mac, use files exclusive to mac. He buys me a gaming pc so that, "we can play games together". I was extremely grateful - but it doesn't work at all with what I need for university/work. I'm going to have to replace it. It's really cheaply made to, a lot of the keys keep coming lose. For Christmas, he chose a pair of $115 pants and a few other things which I gladly bought for him. I asked for a drawing tablet because its $60-$100 for a new one and mine recently broke. He bought me a top, a Saul Goodman figure (?????) And a bag. I'm pretty passed off because it seems like he buys me gifts he would like for himself. I don't know if I'm being ungrateful (because the PC was expensive) but I feel like I get him exactly what he wants and he buys me what's he would like me to have.
No. 305541
>>305532>feel bad for him??????????????????
shouldn't you feel bad… idk…. for yourself?
No. 305543
>>305523>you tell him the gift isn’t what you needed and already told him what you did need>waaah I guess I can’t do anything right! Yeah I’m sorry anon, but he sounds like a total knob. He doesn’t care to get the present right and also wants to play the
victim when you’re obviously disappointed. I can’t stand that attitude.
No. 305562
>>305556It's not about the physical gift itself though, I mean it doesn't matter that it's still sorta functional for you, it's about his lack of attention and caring of his gift giving for you, isn't it? You carefully picked his gifts for him, paid attention to what he wanted/needed and didn't cheap out and you haven't received anywhere near that same level of attention and care from him.
I'm not saying you should break up with him or whatever, you can decide for yourself if you should do that or not, but realize that it's not about the laptop itself but about the intentions behind it and you're allowed to be rightfully upset about that even if you can get by with the laptop for now.
No. 305585
>>305556Sorry, nonita, but in my opinion it's not "your boyfriend not getting you what you wanted". It's your bf doing the following: 1) not listening to you, 2) not caring that he upset you, and 3) not trying to improve in any way.
Unrelated, I would ask if he usually listens to suggestions, especially those that contradict what he wants to do, generally. You mentioned that he always gets/got exactly what he wanted from his family–and you, so I'm wondering if it's a case of him putting his wants and desires above others'. Just my 2 cents; hope you have a great year!
No. 305782
File: 1672443535424.jpeg (84.91 KB, 652x342, ugh.jpeg)
Part 1 cause lc has a word limit now: I keep feeling as if I'm losing big time-sensitive opportunities anons and I need some advice. I'm not even sure if it really is big opportunities or if I'm making it bigger in my head?
Background:
>Be me, an early user on instagram when it was a newly launched baby app
>Reached 1k followers super quickly when that was rare
>Deletes the account like an idiot when instagram got a bit more attention cause my posts felt cringe
>Creates a tumblr blog in a niche fandom
>Slowly became popular and got fan art, fan mail etc
>Fandom started to die and I left with no trace
>Friend's art instagram becomes popular amongst the upper class hipsters in my city
>Asks me to draw her stuff and join
>I don't and we eventually drift apart as we grew older
>Get asked by family friend to paint a mural in a hip restaurant
>Never done a mural in my life and therefore say no
>Now I feel as if I lost many smaller opportunities where I could have evolved into something bigger
No. 305783
>>305782Part 2 Current situation:
>An article on business insider used my pic and tagged one of my smaller social media accounts I barely post on with very few followers>I had no idea, sudden opportunity presented to me again>holy fuck business insider>overwhelmed by the feeling that I have to act fast and catch the readers who might look me up>what the fuck do I do? Tag my other accounts with more content? I still have barely any followers on that one too.>Grow the smaller account? Hustle for a couple of months and do a shit ton of content?>Give up and move on cause it's not actually a big deal?tldr: I feel like I get many art-influencer related opportunities but don't know how to actually use those opportunities and what step to do next. Or maybe anons think I'm overthinking and there are no actual real opportunities here?
No. 305842
File: 1672481443549.jpg (4.77 KB, 214x183, 20220908_180411.jpg)
I wasn't sure if this should go in here or the mental illness thread but I'm very ashamed of my body and not sure what's the best route to take. It was pretty okay until rona hit and I mass gained 30-ish pounds that left horrifying stretch marks which are still healing years later. I have big boobs that sag badly and no curves other than the negligible waistline that my chest overlaps. It looks presentable in clothes where it pulls and cinches shit in place but now I'm afraid to have sex with my gf fully naked because I'm embarrassed and afraid it'll ick her out. In the shower I feel like some sort of monster who should return to the forest or something. I used to be a bulimia-chan so losing weight normally is difficult for me. Should I just bite the bullet and go full gym rat and/or get plastic surgery? I'm tired of seeing myself in the mirror nonnas
No. 305851
>>305517You asked for a pretty specific thing, made it pretty easy for him.. and he overrode your wishes because gaming together suits him more than getting you what you actually need.. thats pretty selfish.
I'm usually all for being grateful if a partner at least tries but this isn't even a misunderstanding, its him choosing to disregard your needs to better suit himself. He got himself a gift.
No. 305872
>>305842I’m Bi and not trying to be creepy but I find stretch marks especially on women sexy. They’re where you’re skin went through something. The skin is thin and sensitive and you’re vulnerable when you let someone see and touch it. They’re a huge turn on for me. I know you don’t see them as a positive but they’re like tiger stripes. They’re deep and purple and rich, or they’re light lighting bolts across your skin. They tell the story you went through something.
Don’t do surgery imo. It won’t fix the mental relationship you have with your body. Do you work out or strength train? I’d focus on that. Focus on what you’re body can do. How strong you can be. Focus on the way you can make your gf feel and her body. Stop hyper focusing on the outside of your body and start connecting with being in it. Your body isn’t a reflection of you, but your experiences. It shows all the good and bad as they shape us. Be proud of that. You survived and you’re here. You can grow and change and have good exp now. It’s okay.
If you think your gf is supportive. Talk to her. Support is always helpful.